Synopsis: When Miles chooses to dress up as a girl and rush a sorority, he may have bitten off more than he could chew.

I’m not sure what I was thinking when I did it, honestly. I always felt like a girl on the inside but it wasn’t something that I was going to tell the world. I mean I still had my parents to worry about, jeez. What would they think? Over the years I’d taught myself how to do makeup really, really well. On the weekends I’d spent countless hours dressing up in my sister’s clothes while she and my mother were away, and I remembered staring at myself longingly in front of a full length mirror, wishing, and maybe even praying that I could be an actual girl. I wasn’t stupid, though; that was never going to be happen. I guess I knew I was trans back then, you know?
I got it into my head that I wanted to try living as a girl for one night, but I needed to like, go somewhere that no one would recognize me. I know what you’re going to say: this was utterly stupid, and rushing a sorority was probably the dumbest thing I could have done. In my head it made sense, it meant I could interact with other women and sort of feel accepted. Hey, I was good enough to pass as a girl, they would never know.
It wasn’t too long before I found myself on a sidewalk with a group of other potential pledges in front of the Alpha Gamma house. I was clutching the fake resume of sorts that I had conjured up. It listed my ‘major’, which I had put down as ‘Pre-Law’ when I was really a journalism major. I had come up with this elaborate history that to my mind seemed believable, like growing up on a farm in Ohio. No one lived in Ohio anyway, not like they could dispute my story even if they tried. My plan was to do this rush thing, get the satisfaction living as a woman for one night and then hopefully it would get out of my system. Dear god was I wrong.
“Okay ladies,” Our guide announced to the group of us. “This is the last house we’re going to be visiting tonight, it’s Alpha Gamma, one of the oldest sororities on campus. You know the drill by now, so go in, mingle, ask questions, and good luck!”
“Isn’t this going to be fun?” The girl next to me, Rebecca jostled me in the ribs as she grinned widely.
“Oh yeah, fun!” I confirmed in the feminine voice that I had been practicing for years. I hope it passed; this was the first time I’d ever tried it outside of my room. Or in this case, my dorm. I was really happy I somehow hadn’t been assigned a roommate yet, it meant I could get dressed for this little endeavor in peace, and without having to explain a stash of female clothes.
As we got inside I could see that this sorority was far different from any of the others we had visited. This place seriously reeked of money. I glanced around the entryway; an inlaid marble floor sat at the foot of a long staircase that broke off in two directions, and the open concept downstairs area was massive, simply massive. I couldn’t really get an idea of how big the place was honestly, there were too many people gathered, some talking, some eating, some pouring drinks. It was like, a massive social gathering. The good thing was that with so many people here it was unlikely that anyone would actually talk go me. Good; I didn’t know how much longer I could maintain my cover having visited like ten other houses tonight. The flats I’d chosen to wear were killing my feet – I didn’t even KNOW flats could hurt your feet that bad, what the hell?
Instead of talking to anyone I immediately made my way to the food table. They had a huge assortment of cocktail sausages, cheese, crackers, hard boiled eggs, and even biscotti. It was all laid out really nicely. Like I said, the place reeked of money. Old money.
“Hi!” A brunette girl stepped in my path. I nearly pissed myself. I’m not a big guy by any means, and she was…intimidating. “My name is Remy, I’m the president of Alpha Gamma!”
Oh my god. I could feel a lump developing in my throat, what the hell was I even supposed to say here?”
“Hi,” I squeaked. “My name is um…Allison.”
“You sound a little unsure there,” She laughed. “So what’s your major? What brings you to Alpha Gamma?”
“Well, my major is pre-law,” I was pretty sure I was starting to stutter. “And you know I uh…you know I’ve always wanted to join a house like this one because it would feel good to have a group of sisters to like, always have my back and…you know to have their backs…I guess? The whole sisterhood thing really appeals to me.”
I can’t believe I got all of that out of my mouth. I didn’t even know where it came from.
She nodded thoughtfully.
“It’s a good answer,” She said. “Though not one I haven’t heard before. Still I think your heart is in the right place. So do you have any questions for me?”
“I uh…what can you tell me about Alpha Gamma?” I asked nervously. I was going to sweat my makeup off. I could already feel my wig starting to slide. Holy shit. If she figured me out I was going to be in serious trouble.
“Our sorority was founded in 1871, and this particular house has been at Bellcrest University since 1951. We started out as a colony like any other house but we eventually got our own charter and…here we are! As a sorority we put a heavy emphasis on the principals of sisterhood and belonging but we also focus heavily on academics. You need to maintain a grade point average of 3.0 or higher to be a part of the house and we do ask that you be involved in at least one extracurricular. Some of the girls are cheerleaders but others are more into philanthropy. See while we are a regular sorority, so to speak, we’re also very service oriented.”
I nodded. It did sound like a lot of fun, it’s too bad I would never be a part of it.
“That is really interesting,” I said. “Sisterhood is very, very important to me. I’m also really big into feminism, obviously. Equality is very important to me.”
“That’s great to hear,” She said with a nod. “In my opinion a lot of people get feminism completely wrong.”
“I agree,” I said. “People like to think that it’s all about women overtaking men but it’s more about operating on an even playing field without having the deck stacked against us.”
I don’t even know how I was managing to stay this calm.
“Definitely,” She said, smiling. “Hey, I have to get to some of the other girls, so why don’t I take your resume and recommendation letters and maybe we’ll get back to you?”
I nodded, pretending to be happy.
“Absolutely,” I said. I reached into the folder I was holding and handed her the papers. She smiled and told me it was great to meet me before disappearing into the crowd. I nearly died. Seriously. I spent the rest of my time there hanging out in a corner; I was too afraid to even go for the food table. I guess I was hoping if I kept my mouth shut and stayed out of sight no one would talk to me. Eventually the nigh ended and we piled out of the house, each of going our separate ways, which mean me going back to my dorm room where I undressed and rubbed off the makeup that I’d so elaborately fussed over earlier in the evening. There, I’d done it. I’d gone out dressed as a girl, I’d talked to other girls, maybe now it was out of my system, right?
I passed the rest of the night playing Elder Scrolls Online and eventually collapsed into my bed, thinking about all of the events that had happened over the course of the night. Eventually I drifted off to sleep, only to wake up at like ten in the morning to the sound of my phone running. I rolled over, groaning and squinted at the caller ID. What the hell? This was literally the phone number for Alpha Gamma. I knew the number off the top of my head because I’d researched every sorority thoroughly before rush night. I wanted to know what I was getting into. So here’s a question: how did they have my phone number? I thought hard. Had I really messed up and put my own phone number of the resume I’d handed to…oh what was her name? Remy? Yeah, it was Remy, I think. Oh god, what was I going to do? I could ignore it, but then it would go to my voicemail which was so very male. I couldn’t let that happen. I slid the green ‘Answer’ button over to the right and held the phone up to my ear.
“Hello?” I answered in the girliest voice I could manage at this ungodly hour.
“Hey Allison!” I heard a woman’s voice on the other end of the phone. “This is Remy from Alpha Gamma, I was just calling because I think you left a book here last night at rush?”
Oh god. I tried to remember if I’d been carrying one of my school books. It was possible, I had been working on a homework assignment and…yeah I was carrying a book. You know, I could have just let it go but college textbooks aren’t cheap. If it was the one I was thinking of it was like $200. I couldn’t just leave that behind.
“I…I can come by and get it in an hour,” I said nervously.
“Okay!” Remy said. “I’ll let the girls know you’re stopping by, okay?”
“Okay,” I squeaked. “I’ll uh…see you soon.”
I crawled out of bed and ran to the bathroom. There was no time to shower, I just slathered my makeup on as best I could, though to be honest it was still passable. I got dressed in the same thing I was wearing last night and threw my wig on. It was a little messy so I smoothed it out with my hands. Okay, good, passable. My small frame really helped to lend to the illusion, thank god.
I left my dorm, checking both ways to make sure no one saw me, though I don’t know why I bothered, it wasn’t like anyone knew who I was. Seriously. I was the most unremarkable person in school.
It didn’t take me long to get to the house, it was less than a mile from the dorm. I parked out front and made my way up the front walk, passing under the AG letters affixed to the gable of the house which was flanked by pristine white pillars against a red brick façade. I knocked on the front door and held my breath. I hoped to god they wouldn’t answer. You know, maybe I should have come as myself. I could have been like ‘Yeah, I’m Allison’s boyfriend, I’m here for her book!’. Why didn’t I think of that before? Before I could really bash myself mentally over that, the door opened. A small blonde girl was standing there in a green sundress. She smiled at me.
“Hey, you must be Allison!” She chirped. “Come on in, I have your book here somewhere…”
“Okay,” I said nervously as I followed her in. The place was just as I remembered it, save for the fact that it was nearly empty. I heard a few voices coming from down the hall where the girl was leading me. I gulped. I didn’t want to go any further into the house than I had to. Moments later we passed through a doorway and we were standing in a meeting room. I nearly shit myself. There were like thirty girls in here, all sitting around a U-shaped conference table. Remy was at the head of the table, busy with paperwork of some kind.
“Remy,” The blonde girl said. “Allison is here for her book.”
Remy looked up, her eyes met mine.
“Hi, Allison,” She smiled. For the first time I notice how beautiful she was. She had these deep blue eyes, long brunette hair with a tint of red and her lips…oh god her lips.. They were huge, but the way she’d coated them with a matte lipstick, topped with gloss made her that much more attractive. Her floral tunic top just added to it. “We need to talk.”
“Talk?” I said. I was ready to bolt, but I heard the door shut behind me.
“Have a seat,” She gestured to a lone chair in the center of the room, flanked by both sides of the conference table. “We need to talk about how you lied on your application.”

Synopsis: Alpha Gamma has some tough questions for Miles – will he be able to answer them?

I had a million and one questions running through my mind, honestly. Did they know I wasn’t a real girl? What did they think I’d lied about on my resume? Was I going to get out of this alive? I immediately turned toward the door but the blonde girl was standing in front of it. Okay what was I going to do, throw her like a rag doll and run out? That would go over real well. Well, then again, I’m not the strongest person in the world so she probably could have just smacked me and sent me rolling across the conference room.
“Allison?” Remy said from her seat at the head of the conference table. “We need you to sit down honey. We have to talk.”
I slowly turned back toward the chair. I couldn’t move. My feet felt like they were glued to the floor. What the hell was I supposed to do? It turns out I didn’t have to worry about that; another girl was suddenly on my arm guiding me to the chair. I sat down heavily and stared at the floor. Can a person blush when they’re wearing makeup? I imagined my face lighting up like Rudolph’s nose.
“Look up at me,” Remy said. “I need to make sure you’re paying attention.”
Slowly, very slowly I met her gaze. She and four other girls at the head of the table were glaring into my soul. I felt like…if I had been a real girl this wouldn’t have been nearly as bad but what if they found me out? What if they had already found me out? There was a deafening silence throughout the room as I tried to contend with the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Were they waiting on me to say something?
“Is…is there a problem?” I tried to say it as confidently as I could, but I think it came out as something of a half-whisper and half whatever sound baby birds make when their mother kicks them out of the nest.
“Well,” Remy said as she read through the paper in front of her. I guess it was the application I’d submitted complete with my fake name and apparently my VERY real phone number. “First of all you definitely lied about your major. You have pre-med written down here but you’re definitely a journalism major.”
Oh my god.
“I’m not going to go so far as to say this is a fake name,” The redhead next to her spoke. “But it’s definitely not your legal one.”
I swear to god I’ve never cried in my life but I was caught. They knew who I was, they knew I’d lied to them. I could feel the tears starting to rush from my eyes. Oh god my mascara was going to run.
“I think the question here,” Remy said, staring straight at me, completely unphased by my tears. “Is do you think we’re stupid? Rush is something we put a lot of work into, seriously. If you weren’t serious about it then you took time away from some other girl who could have been talking to us for the sake of your little joke. You thought we wouldn’t see through your act, really? Your makeup is terrible, you’re wearing a long skirt, probably to hide the fact that you don’t shave your legs. Let’s see, what else? Oh, your clothes look like they came from a thrift store and today your wig isn’t even on straight. You don’t act like a woman, you tear through the house like you own the place. You might fool people on the street but I guarantee you you didn’t fool any of the other houses and you definitely didn’t fool us. You know at first I was pretty upset but then we took the phone number you left on your application? Your real one…that you left up there for some reason. Maybe you wanted to get caught, I don’t know. It didn’t take us long to figure out who you were, and we started looking up your online activity.”
As she finished speaking she turned to the girl beside her, another brunette, this one a little shorter and with her hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. She cleared her throat and began to speak.
“You visit a lot, and I mean a LOT of transgender forums. I have some trans friends, I talked to them and they were able to confirm that you’re in some of the trans groups they’re in on Facebook. I’m going to be honest here, that’s not the behavior of someone that’s just pulling a prank, unless you wanted a really elaborate cover for…wow, you’ve been in this one group since 2016.”
“So explain,” Remy said to me. The room was silent. Every girl in the chapter was in this room staring at me waiting for their explanation. I guess they deserved it.
“I…” I started to speak but fell silent. I wanted to run but my legs were lead. They weren’t going to let me out of here until they got their answer. “I just…wanted to be a girl for a night, and…I needed to go somewhere people wouldn’t know me.”
“But you feel like you are a girl?” Another girl asked from my left, from another part of the conference table. I nodded, dropping my head again.
“There are a few options here,” Remy said as she shuffled some papers. “You know the current social and political changes have altered the way we do things at our houses. National has been pushing us to be a little more inclusive and honestly, they wanted us to bring a trans girl into the house, discreetly of course. That would depend on a trans girl actually approaching us which you…kind of did at rush even though that definitely wasn’t your intention. I think you planned to never hear from us again which was a mistake on your part, especially if you’re going to leave your real phone number sitting at the top of the application.”
I heard a few giggles from around the room. They thought I was an idiot. Okay I was an idiot.
“I don’t…understand,” I said. “What are you saying?”
She stared at me for a moment and then reached beneath the stack of papers in front of me. She pulled out what looked like a greeting card I guess, it had the house letters for Alpha Gamma embossed on the front and their house logo, or shield or whatever printed on it.
“This is a bid,” Remy said, staring at me very seriously. “You can take it, and live out your dream, or fantasy, whatever it is, or we can go to the dean and tell him about your little prank. The fact is you we need you to look good to national, like we’re actually trying for the whole equality thing. Don’t get me wrong, we’re very inclusive people but this is going to be a lot of work for us. You need us to become who you are, and quite frankly to avoid being expelled.”
“You’re blackmailing me?” I said weakly. It was almost an accusatory tone on my part but let’s be honest, I wasn’t really in a position to be accusing anyone of anything.
“Either you wanted to join us and get the real sorority experience,” Remy said simply. “Or you were just screwing with us and making fun of our house. Which one was it?”
As she said that she nodded toward the bid card that was now sitting at the edge of the table. I think I was still crying. Oh god, what was I supposed to do? I wasn’t ready for this but seriously, what was I even…oh god? I had to make a decision like right now. I felt myself slowly rising on unsteady legs, moving toward the table. Every single eye in the room was on me as I inched forward and finally took the bid card in my hand. My hand was trembling so hard I’m surprised I didn’t drop it. Remy looked straight up at me, a slight grin forming on the corners of her lips. As I took it, she reached for a tablet sitting on the table, an iPad I think. Yeah, it was an iPad. She tapped the screen a few times and then turned it around to me, leaning it up on a sort of stand. On the screen was the Skype logo, it was ringing. Seconds later a woman appeared on the screen, I think she must have been in her thirties with long blonde hair and makeup that put mine to shame any day. She took a moment to look at me, almost as if she was inspecting me and then spoke.
“Hello Miles,” She said in kind of an upbeat but still stern tone. “My name is Amanda Geer, I’m a national representative for Alpha Gamma. I’ve been filled in on your situation and I’m really glad to hear you’ve accepted our offer. We’re all about equality, of course, and I think this will be a great opportunity for both of us.”
How in the hell was I supposed to back out of this? I looked up at Remy as if I was looking for some kind of help. Any kind of help really. She simply pointed at the iPad where I immediately redirected my attention.
“I…thank you,” I croaked.
“Now if we’re going to move forward with this there are a few steps we need to take. First of all as you probably know, we don’t allow pledges to live in Alpha Gamma houses,” I didn’t know that. “But for you an exception will be made. The girls tell me there’s a lot of work to do, and honestly, being a woman is more than just wearing the clothes. We expect you to be a lady and to represent our organization well, do you understand?”
I nodded numbly. Literally was this really happening? Could they really just uproot my entire life like this? I mean I can’t say I didn’t like it a LITTLE but was I about to give up my entire life? Seriously?
“Alright then. There are some conditions you’ll need to abide by while you’re living in the house. First of all, you’re here to learn, not fraternize, so no funny business with anyone in the house. Second, you do as you’re told without question. We follow a tap system, which you’ll become familiar with. If you’re out in public as a pledge doing something that is against our code or morals and one of the sisters sees you, you’ll get a tap on the shoulder. If you get two taps, you come back to the house and wait to be dealt with. For you it goes double, I’m sure you know why.”
I nodded again. She went on for a while longer, filling me in on rules and regulations for this little experiment that I was certain I wasn’t even going to remember. After about half an hour the tablet was put away and I was left alone in the room with the girls. I felt so exposed; I can’t even describe it.
“Is Allison the name you want?” Remy asked, staring at me again. I nodded softly. “Sign these papers then, we’re going to get started.”

Synopsis: The girls of Alpha Gamma instruct Allison in the ways of womanhood – will she survive her first lessons?

When we left that conference room I felt like I was on death row. Pulling up to the house in my car I felt like I’d just been running a stupid errand. I expected them to hand the book to me and I’d be on my merry way. I mean, why not? Now the house felt like an inescapable prison and I was the only inmate. Accompanied by three girls, one on either side of me and one behind, we walked down the hall and emerged into the main room once again.
“Okay so I’m Laura,” The girl from behind said. “This is Michelle and Cassandra. Basically we’re going to be teaching you everything, and I mean EVERYTHING about being a girl.”
“A lady,” Michelle corrected. “She’s going to learn to be a lady.”
“That’s right,” Laura nodded to me. “And at times it’s going to be very difficult. I don’t really care, I mean, you kind of asked for this.”
“Look I’m sorry,” I said. I really was. “I didn’t mean to upset anyon-“
“Nope!” Cassandra said, holding a finger up to my lips. “We’re not playing the excuse game now. We have a LOT to do.”
“Upstairs, please,” Michelle pointed a delicate finger toward the massive staircase and I obediently turned toward it. I took the first step, but I felt a hand on my arm immediately. “Stop. What are you doing?”
“I’m walking up the stairs,” This conversation had just started and I already knew I was about to be exhausted.
“You’re walking up the middle. You remember what we said about you acting like you own the place? You’re a woman now, be small. Move toward the bannister, make yourself as small as possible.”
I complied and moved to the right side, ascending the stairs as they watched.
“Stop,” Michelle said firmly. “Turn around, put your hand on the railing and then walk down.”
I sighed. Hopefully they didn’t notice. I turned and placed a hand on the bannister and started to walk down.
“Slowly,” Michelle said, crossing her arms while the other two girls smirked at me.
I slowed my pace down, taking it one step at a time.
“Okay, open your hand a little bit,” Michelle ordered again “Just barely touch the railing. You’re squeezing it like a dick. Come on. Just caress it. There you go.”
Okay why the hell were we doing this?
“When you walk down the steps,” Laura added. “Put one foot in front of the other, don’t shuffle. You’re a civilized lady.”
“Absolutely,” Cassandra said. “At least once we fix your makeup.”
I finished walking to the bottom of the steps and turned again as Michelle pointed toward the stairs, indicating that I should go back up. So I did. I did it slowly and carefully, putting one foot in front of the other and only gripping the rail lightly. By the time I reached the landing I was completely exhausted; I had no idea that walking up the stairs could be so tiring. They directed me up the steps to the right and we walked across another landing that wrapped around the top of the house. This time I was led into a bedroom, and it had to be the girliest place I’d ever seen in my life. There were two queen size beds, and two makeup vanities packed with brushes, foundations, bronzers, and things I’d never even seen before. They made my collection look like ‘Fischer-Price: My First Makeup Kit”. As soon as we walked in, Cassandra pulled out the chair in front of one of the vanities and pointed to it.
“Sit!” She said in a sort of upbeat but super stern tone. I did as I was told. “Time to see what you look like.”
Laura handed her a makeup wipe and she went to work on my face, not so kindly removing the makeup I’d slathered on just a few hours before. I could feel Laura behind me tugging at my wig.
“Um, you don’t need to use this many bob pins to keep your wig on,” She said as she finally manage to pull it loose. She pulled the wig cap off and began to comb my natural hair, which wasn’t horribly long, it went a little bit past my ears if we’re being honest. I’d been trying to grow it out.
Cassandra finished removing my makeup and I just kind of looked up at her. I felt vulnerable. My mask had been ripped away and they were looking at me, as I really was.
“Question,” Cassandra said. “What’s your cleaning routine after you take your makeup off at night?”
“I…” I stuttered. I had no idea what she was talking about.
“Please tell me you take your makeup off at night,” She stared piercingly at me. I nodded.
“Do you use any kind of facial cleanser?”
“I don’t know what that is,” I admitted.
“It really shows. You need to make sure you’re cleansing your pores you’ll get pimples. No one wants pimples.
“Okay,” Laura said. “Up, out of the chair, it’s time to strip.”
“Strip?” I said nervously. “Like, in front of you?”
“Yes, Allison,” She rolled her eyes. “In front of us, come on.”
I felt like I couldn’t say no at this point even if I wanted to. I stood up and was immediately guided to the center of the room. I hesitated for a moment but I realized that I wasn’t getting out of this, there was no way. I had to do what they said or risk expulsion. Seriously, that wasn’t something I wanted to explain to my mom and sister, both of whom had graduated from Bellcrest. I pulled my top off and revealed my stomach which was a little hairier than I would have liked. I expected them to giggle or make fun of me in some way but they just walked around, like they were inspecting me. As I dropped my skirt, Cassandra stepped forward and reached inside my bra, pulling out the silicone breast forms that were loosely shoved inside. She held them in her hand and looked at them.
“Did you get these on Amazon or something?” She kind of smirked. I nodded. “They’re cool but they don’t match your skin. We can do better than that. National put aside a budget for us for this project so we can get you set up.”
Great, they were going to pay for this. I was going to be indebted to them. I sighed internally; maybe I should just go along with the ride. Let’s be honest here, how much time had I spent fantasizing about something like this happening? Probably way too much. Reality was so much different.
“They’ll have to do for now,” Laura said. “There’s a place that sells prosthetics in town, we can go there tomorrow.”
“Yeah alright, take the bra off,” Cassandra conceded. Suddenly I stood there naked before them like a specimen on display. Laura fetched a measuring tape and measured practically every inch of me while I just stood there squeezing my eyes shut. I heard Michelle giggle a little bit.
“Got her sizes,” Laura said. “We can work with this. About that frame though…you look too masculine. We’ve gotta get you to the gym.”
“And a nutritionist,” Michelle added. “We have GOT to put her on a diet.”
“Okay, so what first then?” Laura mused. “Body hair has to go first I guess.”
“No what has to go first is these CLOTHES,” Cassandra pointed at the pile of clothes at my feet. I resented that; it was one of my favorite skirts.
“Uh the top yeah,” Laura nodded. “Maybe keep the skirt, it’s just a pain black one, can always use that for something.”
“But it’s so long,” Cassandra argued. “Like, are we teaching her to be a lady or a cult member?”
Laura snickered.
“Okay but still, put it off to the side,” She giggled.
“Okay,” Cassandra said. “We have a salon we go to that’s run by an AG alumni, I’m sure she’ll love this. She can wax the crap out of you and then we can get that out of the way. So…let’s get you dressed.”
They ended up putting me back in my long skirt because my legs were just too hairy for anything else. Instead of my loose top though, they put me in this wrap-around tunic that tied in the back. It was lower cut than mine but it was flowy and still hid the breast forms. Cassandra did my makeup and put the wig back on my head. It felt really, really firm this time – better than any thing I’d ever done with it. She turned me around and let me look at myself in the mirror before we left. They were right about my makeup skills. I thought I was good but they were light years ahead of me; I couldn’t even see any hints of masculinity. I smiled to myself, at least on the inside.
I was quickly ushered outside and down the front walk. I saw my own car sitting, right where I had left it and kind of sighed. A few hours ago I was a free…person driving down the street in that thing. Now I was…well whatever I was now. We climbed into a different car this time, I guess it was Laura’s. I was directed into the back seat of the two-door car. We had to squeeze behind the seat; I kind of hated that. It meant I couldn’t get out of the car until they allowed it. Kind of an analogy for my life right now.
We only drove for about ten minutes but Laura insisted on blaring the radio the entire way. Freaking Miley Cyrus. Seriously. Just as I thought my head was about to explode she pulled into a parking spot and switched the radio off. Immediately the world made sense again and I gladly climbed out of the back seat with Michelle’s help. I tripped and stumbled a little bit on the way, and Michelle chided me about it.
We crossed the parking lot with Michelle correcting my form every five seconds, or so it seemed, but we finally made it to the door of the salon and piled in. I was stuck between Laura and Michelle while Cassandra spoke to the receptionist at the front desk. She made the appointment and I was directed to a seat in the waiting room, flanked by Laura and Michelle on either side. Laura reached to the coffee table in front of us and handed me a copy ‘Seventeen’ magazine.
“Educational reading,” She smirked. She looked at me until I opened it and started reading. Satisfied, she began scrolling on her phone. I thought reading the magazine was going to be torture but as I got into some of the articles it really wasn’t that bad. I was halfway through a really interesting one when I was finally called back.
A few moments later I was ushered into a room with Laura by my side. We were met by a black haired woman about my height and wearing a pair of scrubs, like a doctor but…not I guess.
“Hey Laura,” She grinned widely. “I just worked on you last week, aren’t you back a little early?”
“A little yeah,” She laughed. “This is Allison, um, formerly Miles. She’s pledging Alpha Gamma as part of our new equality program.”
“Wow,” The woman nodded, looking me over. “You guys did a good job, I wouldn’t have known at all. Well anyway, my name is Lucy, former AG, and I take care of you girls. At a pretty steep discount I might add. Why don’t you get undressed and lay down on the table. What are we doing today?”
“Pretty much everything,” Laura said. “We have GOT to do something about those legs. I can see some chest hairs coming through too, even though she just shaved.”
“Well,” Lucy said as I undressed and laid on the table like a cadaver on the slab. “She’ll need a touch up every three weeks but that’s about it really. I can give a good recommendation for a laser hair removal specialist for the face too…I’ll get the card after we finish.”
“Sounds good,” Laura nodded. I just laid there staring at the ceiling. Could we get this over with?
Lucy proceeded to use some kind of wooden stick, like a tongue depressor to spread wax on my chest. She then pulled out a piece of white paper, a waxing strip I guess. Quickly, she laid it on my chest and smoothed it out with her hands.
“Okay,” She said. “One, two—”
Before she finished counting to three she tore the strip from my chest. I screamed. I mean I really screamed. I sat up on the table like a resurrected corpse and gripped both sides of the table like my life depended on it.
“Lay down!” Laura said, laughing as she took both of my shoulders in her hands and pulled me back down onto the table.
“Okay next,” Lucy said as she spread more wax on me and did the exact same thing in another spot. I screamed again, and again, and again. The people in the waiting room probably thought someone was being murdered in here.
“You know if you kept up on this it wouldn’t hurt as bad,” Laura lectured.
“How was I supposed to keep up on it?” I demanded. “I didn’t know --- AHHHHHHH!”
“Tsk tsk,” Laura waved a finger. “I don’t want to hear excuses I want to see results, pledge.”
“You know what,” I said angrily “I’m going to show you AHHHHHHHH GOD WHAT THE HELL?!”
“No cursing, pledge,” Laura smirked at me. “It’s unbecoming of a lady.”
“No, hell no,” I said. “You can’t tell me how to AHHHH! STOP THAT!”
“We’re just starting on the legs now,” Lucy informed me. “Don’t worry, we still have your whole other side. We’ll have to flip you over with a giant spatula.”
“I swear to god-“ I muttered.
The whole thing took about two hours of me laying there screaming and Laura just laughing at me. I wasn’t just angry, I was utterly humiliated. I couldn’t argue with the end result though. My legs were smooth, the rest of my body felt amazing. Laura helped me into my clothes, and they felt completely different against my body.
“Now,” Laura said. “We can get you a shorter skirt.”

Synopsis: Allison learns more about Alpha Gamma and the story takes a surprising twist.

“Okay so I notice something,” Laura said as we walked back into the house. Okay, rather as I limped back into the house. “When Lucy was waxing you I got a look at your feet and you have like, a nasty case of athlete’s foot.”
“What seriously?!” Cassandra exclaimed, grabbing me by the shoulder and turning me around to face her. “Do you not know how to take care of yourself? Like at ALL?”
“I…” I started to speak but they were talking about me again like I wasn’t even there. Jeez.
“I have a pumice stone I haven’t opened yet,” Michelle offered. What the hell was a pumice stone?
“Oh yeah, that’s a good idea,” Casandra nodded. “I think we should get started on that like, right now. It’s going to bug me. We should get it done before she goes to class on Monday anyway. I mean what if we want her to wear strappy sandals or something?”
Wait. Class? I was going to go to class dressed like this? Seriously?
“That reminds me!” Laura said. “We need your school ID; I have to go talk to the dean later about changing your name for class and stuff.”
“What…what do you mean?” I asked nervously.
“I mean if you’re going to go to class, as a girl, then your name needs to be Allison for attendance purposes. You don’t want them to call out ‘Miles’ when they do attendance or call on you in class, right?”
You know, up until this point I thought that I was only going to be dressed as a girl when I was in the house. Going out in public was easy enough, because I passed – or at least I thought I did, but hey, they’d shown me pretty good, hadn’t they?
“I don’t know…” I started stammering. “I mean…”
“You mean nothing,” Laura said sternly. “You’re doing this. Don’t worry, a sister will be with you at all times. We checked your class schedule, we have people in like every one of them. You’re going to be fine.”
A sister would be with me all the time? ALL the time? Seriously? Was I ever going to get any time to myself? No. The answer was probably no.
“Come on,” Cassandra said. “Upstairs, we’re going to get a look at those feet. Hey, remember what I told you about walking up the steps.”
I remembered, and I tried to do it as best I could. I messed up a few times and she would make me walk back down, starting over and walking back up the steps, slowly. Finally, we made it up, and this time they led me to the bathroom. Okay, this bathroom was big. Really big. It looked like you could have fit ten people in here. Marble floors, full length mirrors, a glass enclosed shower, storage cabinets for days. It was like being in a hotel bathroom but better.
Cassandra immediately pointed to a chair beside the shower and instructed me to sit. I did.
“Shoes off,” She said, towering over me with her hands on her hips. Once again I obeyed and she grabbed my leg by the ankle and lifted it up so she could see. “Oh my god, what have you been doing to your feet? It’s like…have you been pumicing with a cheese grater?”
She suddenly poked a part of my foot with her finger and I winced. I didn’t realize they could hurt like that. What was she doing? She hadn’t even touched it that hard.
“Does it hurt to walk?” Laura asked me, looking over my feet.
“I mean…sometimes?” I said. I thought about it, yeah, sometimes it did hurt to walk but it was something I had gotten used to.
“Okay so this is something we have to take care of like, right now,” Cassandra said. “Michelle, where’s that pumice stone?”
“Right here,” Michelle handed her what looked like a brown spongy rock wrapped in plastic. Cassandra tore the plastic off and Laura filled a tub of water, which they set at my feet.
“Normally I’d just have you do this yourself,” Cassandra said, her eyes meeting mine. “But since you’ve never done it before…”
She pulled my feet down, placing them in the water. They let them soak for about ten minutes, chatting amongst themselves about various things while they waited for…whatever it was they were waiting for. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on being anywhere but here. Being here I guess was…cool. Really cool. How many guys would love to be in my situation? I was inside a sorority house getting all this attention but…it was going to come with a price. I was going to be in public as a girl all the time. I would have to go to class like this. Was I even going to be able to handle it? Oh my god, was I? It might be a few days off but it was closer than I liked.
“Are you sleeping over there?” Laura poked me. I opened my eyes and shook my head.
“Don’t worry, if she was, she won’t be in a minute,” Cassandra took a seat on the side of the tub next to me. It was one of those cast iron tubs, separate from the shower, so even though she was sitting she was still a little bit taller than me. She took the stone and dipped it in the water, then took my left foot in her hand. I suddenly felt Laura’s hands on my shoulders, she was kind of pushing, no, holding me. What? Why? Cassandra suddenly took the stone to my foot and began to scrub. It didn’t hurt at first, but after a minute there was this burning sensation as she scrubbed harder and harder. I could feel pieces of dead skin tearing off. I tried to squirm a bit but Laura held my shoulders tightly. So that’s why she was there. Suddenly, Cassandra moved the pumice stone to the sole of my foot, nearest the toes. I screamed as she ground down on it. I mean I really screamed, probably louder than I had at the salon. It wasn’t an angry scream this time though, I was in pain, and it hurt even more as she moved up and worked on my toes. I was just sitting in the chair screaming and thrashing like a death row inmate on the electric chair.
“Stop stop stop!” I screamed. I think I was crying. Cassandra slowed down a little bit and looked at me.
“You ever consider actually taking care of your feet?” She asked me condescendingly. “Maybe if you did…”
“Please stop,” I sobbed. “It hurts.”
“It’s not going to kill you,” Michelle rolled her eyes. “You’ll be fine.”
Cassandra went back to work, rubbing the stone between my toes, and I continued to scream, and cry, and do all sorts of things that probably destroyed every shred of manhood that I had left if I ever had any. It didn’t take long for a few girls to come into the bathroom to see what was going on.
“What are you doing to her?” A short redhead asked as she poked her head in and looked. “Oh…that bad huh?”
“Yeah, see this is what I’m concerned about,” Cassandra said, looking at the girl and pointing to a spot on my heel. She pressed on it and I could feel a little bit of pain. “When we get down here she’s really going to scream.
“Cassandra,” I gasped. “Please, please let’s stop.”
My pleas fell on deaf ears as she worked her way down my foot, scraping away dead skin with Laura leaning down on me. I didn’t stand a chance. I tried to pull my foot away from her at least ten times but her grip was so strong.
“See this?” Michelle pointed, at me, looking at the girls who were now gathering in the bathroom to watch the show. “This is why we’re okay with her living in the house.”
“No kidding,” Another girl said. “If she tried to pull anything, we could just take her out with a pumice stone.”
Oh my god this was humiliating.
Cassandra suddenly let go of my foot, dropping it into the water. Thank god, we were done.
“Okay,” She said with a smile. “Other foot.”
After twenty minutes of screaming and crying, she let go of my feet and dried them with a towel. I limped out of the bathroom with Laura guiding me. It was kind of like the walk of shame with fifteen girls standing in the bathroom and out in the hallway giggling as I walked by. Were they having fun torturing me? Probably. Back in the bedroom Cassandra showed me how to rub lotion on my feet and then put a pair of pink fuzzy socks on me. Despite all of the pain I’d been in a few minutes before I actually felt pretty good now. My feet felt really, really clean. Cleaner than they had in a long time.
“Come on, there’s something I want to show you,” Laura said, offering me her hand and pulling me up off the bed. She didn’t make me put shoes on, thank god. She led me down the hallway and down the stairs. We ended up in the front room, and she walked me behind the stairs, into another hallway. How big was this house? The room we ended up in was a trophy room. There were dozens of trophies in glass cases for everything from cheerleading, to volleyball, to soccer. It was huge, and there were still a few empty cases. One wall was covered with plaques, each one filled with nameplates and a year.
“Every sister who was a part of our house and graduated from Bellcrest,” Laura told me. Okay, it was cool to look at, but why was she showing me?
“Hey there, showing her the trophy room?” I turned around. Remy was standing there dressed casually this time in a pair of jeans and a pink hoodie that actually said ‘Pink’ across the front of it in huge block letters.
“Yeah, I figured it was a good time, I just watched Cassandra torture her with a pumice stone,” Laura snickered.
“I heard about that,” Remy laughed. “Okay rather I HEARD that. Girl you are LOUD.”
I blushed. I felt so weak in front of them. I know that technically I was a girl, at least on the inside, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was supposed to be stronger somehow, because I was a man. I wasn’t stronger. I was absolutely at their mercy and it felt terrifying. Remy was someone I had seen before around campus and I’d always seen her as a sort of happy go lucky type of girl. She seemed so harmless. Now she seemed anything but harmless. She held my entire future in her hands and she was so…intimidating. The same went for Laura. I was slowly beginning to realize that I was absolutely, positively not in control here. I had nothing.
“We’re going to go by your dorm to clear it out later,” Remy said. “I went ahead and talked to the dean. We’re going to get you a new school ID and we’ve already killed the lease on your dorm room. I guess you paid a year in advance so you’ll be refunded.”
“You killed the lease?” I repeated back to her. “That’s my…”
“Not your home anymore,” Remy said. “You live here in this house. Don’t tell me about how you never asked for it, I don’t care. We put thousands of dollars into rush. The food, the decorations, the permits, you have no idea. You chose to be a part of it, and yeah, a girl can usually reject a bid but what you did was literally against school rules. Not to mention it pissed off the entire Greek system. Well, at least our side of it.”
“W…wait what do you mean?” I asked shakily. “What do you mean the entire Greek system?”
“Every sorority you visited during rush,” Remy said, moving toward me and maintaining eye contact. “Like I told you, you didn’t fool them. Even if your looks were on point…barely, you still act very male. Your mannerisms gave you away and it’s pretty much all they’ve been talking about. I talked to the president of Delta Epsilon Theta and she said she was about to throw you out the front window.”
“I…why didn’t they?” I asked.
“Because no one wants to make a scene at rush,” Laura explained. “Technically you weren’t hurting anything, it was just annoying.”
“So,” Remy said. “We knew you were coming, I talked to you and you seemed okay. That’s when I decided to look into you a bit more. You’re kind of geeky but otherwise unremarkable. You should be able to make the transition pretty smoothly.”
My god, they had me figured out from the first second I’d walked in. I hadn’t stood a chance. Hell they knew before I’d walked into the house.
“I want to show you something,” Laura said, pointing at one of the plaques. It was the 2016 plaque. Four years ago. She tapped it to get my attention until I finally walked over. “Read the names.”
I started at the top. There were thirty names on here, so it was going to take a while. I read down, muttering each name as I went until finally I came to the one that made my heart practically stop. Brianna Parsons.
My sister.
My sister had been an Alpha Gamma.

Synopsis: Allison learns the consequences of being a legacy and goes shopping for the first time.

My stomach was in knots. I slowly turned from the plaque to face Remy and Laura, both of whom were regarding me with serious looks.
“I…I didn’t know,” I stammered.
“Yeah I find that really interesting,” Remy said, stepping toward me and maintaining eye contact. “Because this house was a big part of her life, you know she was the external vice president? Did she never talk about it?”
“I…maybe she did?” I said. I was so confused. “I don’t know.”
“Or maybe you were too focused on yourself to listen to what your own sister was saying when she talked?” Laura suggested. “Like we keep telling you, typical male behavior. You might be a girl on the inside, but you have a LOT of things to unlearn. Including that.”
“Oh by the way, if you look far enough back, up there,” Remy said pointing toward the plaques that were higher up. “You’ll find your mother’s name too.”
“And your grandmother,” Laura added.
“The point we’re trying to make here is that you have a responsibility,” Remy said. “We didn’t bring you into our house because we felt sorry for you, or JUST because National is pushing for equality. Yeah that’s a part of it but hm…let me put this in a way you can understand. Your family has always been a huge part of this house. Do you understand what it means to be a part of a Greek house exactly? It’s something to brag about. It’s something that you put on a resume. Your entire family has those bragging rights, they have that prestige, they used their time here to prove that they were qualified for the top jobs. Your sister is a chemical engineer for a top oil company, your mother is the vice president of a multimillion-dollar corporation. You can bet they put Alpha Gamma on their resume. Their legacy affects our legacy, we have bragging rights because they were so successful. Then here you come, using our rush to get your fix, or whatever it was you were doing. Every. Single. House. Every one of them that you visited knows who you are, they know your family, they know your legacy. Do you know how that reflects on us? Do you know how that reflects on your family? We took you in because we take care of our own here but also because you were about to turn us into a laughing stock.”
“I’m sorry,” I choked out. I think I was starting to cry again. “I didn’t know. I really didn’t know, I’m so sorry…”
“I bet you are,” Laura walked around me to join Remy in staring at me judgmentally. “But sorry doesn’t get you out of it. You weren’t ready to come out of the closet yet, we get that. Maybe you weren’t ready to show the world who you were but guess what? We weren’t ready for you to sucker punch us with that crap you pulled on Rush night. We weren’t ready for you to soil our entire legacy.”
“You’re not going to tell them, are you?” I asked, indicating my mom and sister. They couldn’t know about this, ever.
“Bitch, they already know,” Remy rolled her eyes.
“What?!” I shrieked. “No, no, that’s not possible!”
“We called National as soon as we figured out who you were. They called your mom and sister. We talked to them this morning on a conference call, at like six in the morning,” Remy was really talking down to me now. “Finding out you’re transgender, that didn’t phase her much. Your sister didn’t really bat an eye either. It took them by surprise but they weren’t upset. Finding out you rushed their house with a fake name and lied your ass off? That pissed them off. So this whole thing takes another surprising twist, you ready for this?”
I stared at her, my mouth agape. What was even happening here?
“Your mom doesn’t really want to speak to you right now, so she told us to tell you that she’ll continue to pay for your education if you continue to pledge to this sorority, AND do as good a job of it as the rest of the women in your family have.”
I collapsed. I literally just fell and slammed my butt onto the floor, my back against the wall. The room was spinning. I gripped the hardwood floor with the tips of my fingers. I wanted to run, I wanted to puke, I wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. I wanted to do so many things. Oh god. What had I gotten myself into? I squeezed my eyes shut, and then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and saw both Remy and Laura crouching next to me.
“Allison,” Remy said softly. “You messed up, but we cleaned up your mess. We did our part but now you have to do yours. You need to honor your pledge, you need to be an upstanding member of this house. You don’t have to like, become the external VP or anything, but you do need to honor your legacy. We’re going to be there for you every step of the way. Trust me, we would NOT do this for just anyone. Your success is just as important to us as it is to you and we’re going to take care of you, do you understand?”
I nodded slowly. I could feel tears dripping onto my chest as they rushed down my face and splattered against bare skin. My legs were a tangled mess in front of me. I couldn’t believe this was happening, at all. I couldn’t believe this was even POSSIBLE. I had made such a huge mistake and now my future, my family’s name, all of it was intertwined with the Alpha Gamma house. If I messed this up it would reflect poorly on my family, I would be expelled, how could I even go home again?
“Now, all that aside,” Laura said as she helped me to my feet. “Tomorrow we have a meet and greet for the pledges, after which we’ll drop by your dorm and clear it out. We have a lot of stuff to go through obviously. I want to see what kind of feminine clothes you have, and obviously we need to get rid of your male clothes.”
“All of them?” I asked timidly.
“You’re a girl now,” Remy said firmly. “Whether you wanted it this soon or not. Time to deal with it. We need to take you out now, get you an outfit for tomorrow evening.”
I nodded. I was so numb. I barely registered walking out of the trophy room and getting into the car. Remy drove us to a nearby mall, a huge mall. I think it took us five minutes to walk from the car to the front door, and as we passed through the airlock I was immediately intimidated by the number of people who could see me dressed like this. Laura must have sense my hesitation.
“Just keep walking,” She whispered into my ear. “No one is paying attention to you.”
“Hey before we do clothes let’s get her some makeup,” Remy suggested. “We’ve already figured out her colors and there’s a Sephora over there.”
“She needs like, everything,” Laura said as we walked toward the Sephora on the other side of a huge marble fountain. I tried to concentrate on the sound of running water and the millions of voices and conversations going on around me. Above us, natural light shone through the glass ceiling, tinted blue and bathing the marble beneath our feet. It felt so amazing, so organic, and I walked through it all dressed as a woman, as myself. Did anyone notice? Was anyone looking at me? It didn’t seem like it. We passed out of the natural light and into the Sephora. I hadn’t seen anything like this before; I’d ordered all of my makeup online and I didn’t even know a place like this existed. I simply followed Laura and Remy around, watching them talk about foundations, brushes, and lipsticks. They grabbed items, tossing them into a plastic cart as they went. Foundation, a brush set, bronzer, concealer, things I didn’t even know existed. At the end they grabbed a vinyl makeup bag for me to keep all of it in and set it up on the counter.
“Okay,” The sales lady said with a smile. “With your discount it’s…$716 and 32 cents. Will you be paying with cash or credit?”
Holy. Shit.
Remy handed them a credit card. I really hoped the sorority was paying for this. I didn’t have much time to think about it as they ushered me out of the store and further into the mall. We rode up an escalator and walked past a huge gondola of plants. I glanced at the Gamestop – a store I would have gone into in another life. Laura noticed me staring at the store.
“You’re not going to have time for games for a while,” She said. “We have a LOT of work to do.”
They pushed me through about three different clothing stores, talking amongs themselves, and buying way more clothes than I had anticipated. Dresses, skirts, underwear, we even started looking at shoes. They picked out a pair of black pumps for me and had me try on a few different flats.
“We’ve gotta replace those ugly flats you’ve been wearing,” Laura had said to me. “They look like something you dug out of the eighties.”
I blushed. I really liked those flats. Was everything I liked just terrible? At some point I was being shoved into a dressing room with Remy standing in front of the door, arms crossed and staring me down with every outfit I tried on. Some of them she approved of, others she had me put back onto hangars and place on a rack at the far side of the room. They had picked so many outfits and I had to try them all on. It was like running a marathon. Occasionally she would tell me to try a top with a different skirt, or to try a top tucked in instead of pulled out. Exhausted, I started to slow down again, but she snapped her fingers and told me to hurry up. I had no control over my life anymore. I eventually had a ton of clothes, and I felt like I knew every single piece intimately at this point, even the ones that we left behind in the dressing room. Completely spent, I exited the dressing room, the clothes draped over my arm and weighing me down.
“Welcome back, how was Narnia?” Laura teased as I stumbled out.
“Huh?” I guess the joke went way over my head.
“We’ve gotta get you another wig soon,” Remy remarked. “It’s not a bad one, that’s why we’ve let you keep it, but I was thinking about doing a weave or something.”
“A weave would be good,” Laura nodded as we checked out and I watched Remy pay another stroke-inducing amount of money on my behalf. “You wouldn’t have to worry about the weight of the wig on your head and it would frame your face a lot better.”
“Framing is everything,” Remy confirmed. “We can contour all we want but at the end of the day your hair is going to make all the difference.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “What’s a weave?”
“It’s like hair extensions but they’re sewn in to your natural hair. It’s a little expensive but not too bad really, considering. Maintenance is a bit high but hey, we have a budget for you and…I know you have money.”
“Okay we have really got to get back to the house,” Remy said as we reached her car and climbed in. The interior was hot, really hot.
“Yep,” Laura said. “Hey Allison, you ready to help us get set up for the party tomorrow?”
I really wasn’t ready.

Synopsis: Allison is introduced to the other pledges and she has an unexpected visitor.

It was Sunday afternoon, the house was all set up, almost like it had been during rush. I had helped, a lot. Maybe more than I should have? I just knew I was exhausted from the previous night; we’d stayed up until four in the morning cooking, cleaning, and making the house absolutely perfect. I’d finally been allowed to sleep and hadn’t even made it up to my room, I’d awakened this morning on a couch in the lounging area with Laura nudging me to open my eyes. Cassandra applied my makeup, assuring me she’d teach me how to do it myself when it was less important. Now pledges were piling through the front door, talking laughing, smiling. They knew they belonged here; I didn’t feel the same way. I felt out of place, I was terrified to talk to anyone. I was pretty grateful that I was unremarkable, with my neatly combed wig, and a simple blue dress that was low cut, but not so much that it revealed the breast forms that still hadn’t been replaced.
“Hi,” A girl said to me. I jumped about ten feet in the air. She was a cute nerdy kind of girl but still way, way out of my league. I don’t think we were even playing all on the same continent. “I’m Veronica.”
“I…hi,” Responded smiling sheepishly. I had no idea what to say. She had this long black hair, it went down maybe an inch past her shoulders, perfect skin and these black cat eyed glasses that kind of made her look like a sexy librarian.
“Are you okay?” She looked at me intently. “You’re nervous aren’t you. Me too, it’s my first time doing anything like this.”
“Oh yeah,” I said, my eyes wide as dinner plates and my hands shaking. “Uh…me too.”
“Wow you’re really strung out,” She laughed. “Calm down, you made it, it’s going to be okay!”
“I guess I did,” I laughed. I was starting to calm down a bit but at the back of my mind I couldn’t help but wonder how it would turn out if she knew what I was.
“What’s your major?” She asked curiously. “Me? I’m taking social work; I REALLY want to work with non-profits like the ACLU or Human Rights Campaign…one day anyway.”
Okay maybe she’d be fine.
“I’m majoring in Journalism,” I said, hoping my female voice was up to par. She didn’t seem phased so maybe I was fooling her after all. “I kind of want to be a reporter, that would be cool, right? Maybe a news anchor or a war correspondent.”
She nodded. We talked a bit more after that and then we moved on. I talked to a few other girls and was starting to feel more comfortable, finally.
“Hey. How are you fitting in?” Remy walked up me and asked.
“I’m really nervous,” I admitted. “I don’t…really think I fit in here.”
“Everyone here is really nervous,” She reassured me. “I’m about to do an announcement, we’ll do the ceremony and then we’ll go clear your dorm out, okay? Then you can get some rest. It’ll be fine.”
“Remy,” I said, trying my best to make eye contact with her and failing miserably. “I can’t do this, I’m…not a real girl.’
She sighed.
“Look,” She said firmly. “You think I’m not apprehensive about this whole thing? I have nothing against trans people, I really don’t, but I didn’t want to go through the hell of trying to integrate one into my house. You know why I like you? Because you’re terrified, and you’ll do whatever I want. That’s why I feel safe with you in the house. Is that messed up? A little, but this is my house and whatever makes me comfortable is what I like. Now, you keep shaking like a leaf and concentrating on your impending doom and I’ll get this show on the road. Deal?”
“Deal,” I tried to smile but it just came out as some sort of half-grin. She shook her head and made her way to the stairs where she stood two heads above everyone and clinged a champagne glass with a fork.
“Attention everyone!” She called out. “My name is Remy, I’m the Alpha Gamma president and it’s SO nice to see all of you new pledges here today! We’re going to get the ceremony underway here in a minute and we’ll get to the pinning. As you know, we put a heavy emphasis on sisterhood and in the coming days you will all get to know eachother. Before that, there is one little matter I want to bring to your attention. As we’ve told you probably a million and one times before, Alpha Gamma might be the oldest sorority on campus but we pride ourselves on being progressive. That being said, tonight I want welcome our first transgender pledge into our midst.”
I think I choked my entire heart up. I hadn’t been expecting this; why hadn’t she told me?! Oh my god! From the back of the crowd my eyes met hers, I violently shook my head and she kind of smiled at me. All around me I could hear muttering. What were they saying? What was going to happen? What if they didn’t like me? There was so much riding on this, my entire family would disown me, seriously.
“I know this is a bit sudden,” Remy said, surveying the reactions of the crowd in front of her. “But I want to assure you that we have carried out a thorough background check, and to make it even better she’s a legacy, going back many generations with Alpha Gamma. It’s kind of a pilot program. I’m going to need all of your help to make this work. If you see her doing something wrong, correct her. If she’s struggling with something, help her. There’s a lot more to being a woman than just dressing the part, you all know it.
A girl near the front raised her hand.
“So you’re saying there’s a guy in the sorority?” She asked somewhat curiously, partly accusing. the others around her murmured in agreement. You know, maybe if the other members decided that they weren’t comfortable having me here I could just leave and that would be that. It wouldn’t be my fault, I tried, right?
“I think when you see her you’re going to agree that she’s not a guy,” Remy reassured them. “I also want you to know that she’s not just running around loose doing whatever she wants. She’s very carefully monitored and she lives as a woman 24/7. She’s no threat to any of us. Earlier today she was almost killed by a pumice stone.”
The tension in the room was broken up by what I can only describe as hysterical laugher. I rolled my eyes.
“So where is she?” Another girl asked. They began looking around, trying to figure out where I was. Jesus, they couldn’t even see me and I was standing right here in the crowd. Remy cleared her throat, all eyes went to her again.
“Allison, would you come up here please?”
A few of the girls who had talked to me earlier turned to look at me. Veronica especially. She looked at me wide-eyed as if she couldn’t believe it. I pursed my lips and made my way slow and steadily toward the stairs where Remy stood. She extended an arm and welcomed me up onto the steps beside her. I nervously looked out at the faces in the crowd. Some looked curious, others concerned, others a bit worried.
“Everyone,” Remy said. “This is Allison. Some of you have already met her. She’s a journalism major here at Bellcrest and we’d like to welcome her as a sister here—”
Remy stopped suddenly. It wasn’t hard to guess why. I’d lost my footing and sat down on the steps, pretty suddenly with my head in my hands.
“Um, Allison?” A girl at the front of the crowd came forward and crouched down , touching my knee. “Are you okay?”
I didn’t respond, I just sat there holding my head hoping it would all just go away. They hated me. They had to hate me.
“Okay,” Another girl said, coming forward. “Just breathe, we’re all sisters here, right?”
“Come on, pick yourself up,” Veronica took my hands and started to pull me from the steps. “You’re one of us, alright?”
Was I really one of them? Were they really going to accept me? Could they even do that? I suddenly fell forward into Veronica’s arms, she hugged me as I stood there, me eyes closed, drinking in the darkness and wishing it would last forever.
“Ladies,” Remy said. “We have an initiation ceremony to get to, so why don’t we all move to the living room.
I was finally forced to move and Remy directed us all to the living room which was huge with the couches removed. Laura stood at the front and told us to form two lines facing eachother, we did. There was about four feet of space between us, and Remy led us in a sort of responsive reading where we declared our loyalty to Alpha Gamma. After that, the officers, Laura and Remy included began moving down the line. At each girl they would stop, and the pledge would say the words: “I pledge my life, soul, and loyalty to the service of Alpha Gamma.” And it would be met with: “I accept your pledge and welcome you into this sisterhood.”
Did I really want to be here? Did I really want to be doing this? It was going to be my turn soon. I closed my eyes again and started breathing heavily. I felt the girl next to me squeeze me hand. I turned to look, it was someone I hadn’t met yet. She smiled warmly at me and I kind of smiled back. An officer came to her, said the pledge, and moved on. Had I just been skipped? Did they forget about me? Thank god. No such luck. One of the officers came and stood in front of me. I couldn’t even look at her. Instead I just recited the pledge, sort of muttering it.
“I…I pledge my life, soul, and loyalty to the service of Alpha Gamma,” I said as quickly as I could, trying to sound feminine without my voice cracking.
“I accept your pledge, and welcome you into this sisterhood,” She responded to me. That voice. It sounded so…familiar. I looked up slowly and my fear quickly melted away into absolute horror. It was my sister.

Synopsis: Allison confronts her big sister and purges her old life

The ceremony ended, I looked down at my chest, touching the pink and white pin that my sister had attached to the collar of my dress. It was all so surreal, I can’t even begin to describe it. I spotted my sister in the crowd, talking to Remy and Laura. Of course she would be talking to the president and vice president. Why wouldn’t she be? I looked around at the rest of the girls, they were all so happy, laughing, talking…was I allowed to be that happy?

“Hey!” Veronica came up to me and gave me a quick hug. “How does it feel? Is it as great as you thought it would be?”

“I…” I started to say.

“Of course,” She smiled. “You’re overwhelmed, why wouldn’t you be. It’s like a dream come true, huh?”

It was, but it was still so…

“Pledge Allison!” My sister cut through the crowd and confronted me. “Join me please.”

She looked at me expectantly, her voice cut through the room so sharply that the girls around me literally parted like the red sea; she was nothing like I remembered.

“Uh, are you in trouble?” Veronica asked me.

I nodded.

“Yeah.” My sister continued to look at me expectantly. I could tell her patience was wearing thin. I made my way over to her and I fully expected to be chewed out on the spot, but instead she placed her hand in the small of my back and led me to the conference room where I’d first met my fate the day before.

“Come on,” She said softly, taking me to the back wall where the Greek AG letters stood affixed to the wood paneling. “Stand here, put your arm around me, like that, yeah.”

A second later, Remy walked into the room holding a camera.

“You guys ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” My sister said, sounding exasperated.

“What are we doing?” I asked.

“Smile for the camera, pledge,” She said. “Mom wants a picture and this is a day you’re going to want to remember anyway.”

I really didn’t think I’d want to remember this but I smiled anyway and Remy snapped the picture.

“Okay,” My sister, Brianna said as she stepped away from me. “We have a few hours left and we need to get over to your dorm. We’re going to take my car, Laura and Cassandra will follow us. They’ll be able to handle the packing. You’re still in single room one, right?”

I nodded. She wasn’t exactly being nice, she sounded rushed. Like she wanted to get this over with. She still hadn’t yelled at me; what was going on? She took my hand and squeezed it softly, guiding me out of the conference room and through the crowd in the common room. We passed through the front door, down the walk and she held her car door open for me, gesturing at me to get in. Once I was seated she closed the door and walked around to the other side, starting the engine and pulling out into the street.

We passed the ride in silence, the full fifteen minutes to my dorm. We walked in silence from the car to the elevator, meeting Laura and Cassandra outside my old room. They’d somehow managed to get there first.

“We ready?” Laura asked, rubbing her arms. It was always a little bit cold in this hallway.

“Yeah,” Brianna nodded. She reached into her purse and pulled out a room key. My dorm room key. Not a copy, my specific key. Of course, they had all the stuff I’d brought with me to the AG house. “Let’s go.”

We walked into the room and Laura flipped the light on. It was like walking into mausoleum. I didn’t have much stuff but it was like a monument to who I used to be just a few days ago. Brianna had just dropped me off here a week ago; I’d flown in from Washington State and she lived like fifteen minutes from the school. It was all very convenient until now.

“Sit on the bed,” Brianna pointed toward my bed which had been perfectly made up before I left. I was particular about keeping clean.

“Don’t I need to help?” I started to ask. She pointed again and shook her head. As I sat on the bed, Cassandra and Laura located the suitcases I’d brought with me when I moved in and began packing. Sitting there with my feet dangling over the edge and my hands on the mattress behind me for support, Brianna began to walk back and forth, looking me over as if she were inspecting me. She brought her hand to her face and placed a finger on her chin as she walked around and looked at me from behind. Finally she walked back around and towered over me.

“There are…acceptable ways to come out as transgender to your family,” She said, looking directly at me and crossing her arms. You could have come to us in person or sent an e-mail. Something like ‘Hey mom, hey Brianna, I think I might be a girl trapped in a boy’s body’. Maybe you could have baked a cake and written it out in icing. That would have been cool. I love cake, Allison. Oh, did you ever consider a singing telegram? Anything, ANYTHING would have been better than rushing our old sorority in bad drag and telling a bunch of lies.”

“I’m really sorry,” I said. I was being genuine, I really WAS sorry. “I didn’t know it was your old house and—”

“ALLISON!” She shouted. I jumped, practically retreated onto the mattress, pulling my legs up in front of me. “When I dropped you off at this dorm last WEEK I drove past the AG house and said ‘Look, there’s my old sorority house!’ Were you paying attention? At all? Or were you off in your own little world?”

Laura and Cassandra could surely overhear the conversation as they moved about packing up my things but they chose not to interject anything. I saw Cassandra glance my way a few times but that was about it.

“I guess I-“

“You DON’T pay attention, Allison. You never have. Well guess what? You’re going to have to start paying attention if you want to make it through this. Look, I know a lot of trans girls, and trans women and let me tell you something, this is NOT the way you wanted to deal with this. You should be doing it at your own pace, but guess what? We’re willing to put the sorority above your personal needs for the moment. You’re not going to have a pity party, you’re going to woman up and do it. You have me, you have Remy, you have Laura, you have all the girls at AG that are going to help you with your makeup, your behavior, getting you through classes. All of that.”

I guess I was crying again. She reached into her purse and pulled out a tissue, dabbing it under my eyes and shaking her head.
“Allison, I love you and in a way I kind of like this. I never had a little sister, and I really never thought I’d have a sister who would pledge to the same sorority as Mom and I. I mean this is kind of amazing in its own way but oh my God, you’re going to have to shape up. Alpha Gamma isn’t some clubhouse where girls have pillow fights. This is serious business, do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I…I think so?” I really didn’t.

“It’s like what we told you earlier,” Laura approached the bed. “Being a member of a sorority, especially one like ours is about sisterhood, it’s a gateway to your future. We support eachother in every single way. You need a little more support than everyone else but we’re going to get you there.”

“They will,” Brianna confirmed. “From what I hear you hit up every house on Rush night and scarfed up all the food but you were lucky to land in AG. Part of the agreement is that I check up on you regularly and you can bet I’m going to ride you hard but in the end I think we’re going to come out of this with a better relationship.”

“Why…why are you doing all this?” I wrapped my arms around my knees and Brianna moved in, gently unwrapping them and pushing my legs down, leaving me feeling more vulnerable in front of her. This was weird, and terrifying all at the same time. My sister was speaking down to me with an authority I’d never experienced from her. I was starting to understand it. I was her sister but I was also a pledge in her former house and she was treating me as such. I’d never seen this side of her and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. Afraid? Impressed?

“There’s the reputation issue,” She said to me. “We’re protecting the honor of our house. Even though mom and I aren’t part of the chapter we’re still alumni and we swore our own oaths. But you know, in spite of that, mom could have just pulled your tuition payments and left you to fend for yourself. We probably could have patched it up in a few years, but I wanted to try something different.”

“Wait,” I stammered. “You did this to me?”

“Yeah,” She nodded. “I did. To be honest I didn’t think you’d go through with it. I thought you’d cut and run like you have with everything else in your life but for some reason you stayed and toughed it out.”

I didn’t feel like I’d toughed anything out. I felt like I’d been coerced into every single part of it. Had there really been a chance for me to leave? Maybe there had. I nodded.

“I guess…” I said.

“Maybe you stayed because this is where you really wanted to be. Maybe you flaked on everything else in your life because it just didn’t feel right. Maybe you’ve found your home here, just like mom and I did. You’ll walk the same path I did. In some ways it’ll be harder, but you need this. I know you need this. It explains SO much. Why you were always so awkward, why you never had friends, why you were never interested in anything. You were waiting for something, I think this was it.”

“Found the girl clothes,” Cassandra said as she pulled a trunk from the back of my closet. “Let’s see what we’ve got here.”

At Brianna’s insistence I stayed on the bed and watched from afar as Cassandre tore through the trunk.

“Crap, crap, this is SO six years ago, crap, crap, oh look, more long black skirts. What are you, Amish?”

I groaned. I liked those outfits, a lot.
“Hey, it’s her makeup bag,” Laura said. “Okay it’s literally a ziplock bag. Look at these brands. It’s all Elf and Maybelline. Allison why do you have oil based foundation and a water based primer? It’s no wonder saw right through you at Rush.”

“I was doing the best I could,” I muttered. Brianna turned to look at me.

“You had access to Mom’s credit card and the best you could do was ‘Fit Me’ foundation?” She kind of smirked at me. I don’t know why or how to explain it but it kind of felt good to have her judging me on this.

“It was…cheap,” I explained. “I didn’t want to raise too many questions, you know? Mom would ask what I was spending the money on if…”
“Well great news,” She laughed. “Now you don’t have to explain it.”

That was true. I watched them pack up the rest of my stuff, including my laptop which Brianna handed to me.

“Come on Allison,” She said. “We have to get you ready for class tomorrow. Stop fretting. You’re free now.”

Synopsis: Allison has some one on one time with her sister and gets ready for class

“Wake up sleepyhead,” I felt a hand on my shoulder and gradually opened my eyes. The room was still dark. Was I back in my dorm? “Oh my god you sweat like everywhere.”

I finally managed to force my eyes open, Brianna was standing over me. I guess she’d stayed the night. Or was she staying here in the house? I guess that would make sense, she lived around here anyway. As I looked around the smell of sweat assaulted my nostrils; the comforter weighed down on me, so soggy that I didn’t even want to stay under it.

“Brianna?” I mumbled. What time was it?

“You’re gonna have to get up,” She said. “We have to shower you and…ew…my god do you always sweat like this?”

“No, I guess I was just…” I shook my head as I pushed the comforter aside and sat up, my nightgown was a tangled mess across my body. Brianna reached down and straightened it out a little before helping me off the bed.

“Wow,” She shook her head. “Okay let’s get going. I already have an outfit for you. You need to shower and do your makeup, okay? I’m going to show you some basics and make sure you pass today. I have to go to work, so I can’t be around all day. I’ll be back in the evening though, okay?”

“What…what time is it?” I asked as I stood on shaky feet and walked past the other bed in the room; realizing that it was empty. Was Brianna staying in here?

“It’s 6:30,” She said. “I know your first class is at 9, but we need to talk and get you ready. As you probably guessed, I’m your roommate for a while, it was one of the requirements handed down by national. I’m pretty much in charge of you for the next few weeks…or months. Whatever it takes.”

My big sister was in charge of me. Nice to see nothing had changed since leaving home.

“Wonderful,” I muttered.

“Hey,” She said as she guided me out of the room and into the hallway. “I know this is…a little weird for you okay? We’ve been equals for the most part but things are different now. This is kind of a rebirth for you and you’re jumping into the deep end of a pool you’ve never even seen before. This is my world, let me show you how to swim, okay?”

She flipped on the bathroom light and for the first time I noticed that there were actually four shower stalls in here. How had I not noticed that before? Whatever. As we approached one of the stalls I turned and looked at her. She shook her head and smiled a little.

“Come on Allison, I’ve seen you naked before,” She handed me three bottles, shampoo, body wash, and conditioner. “Wash everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING. I’m talking about the bottoms of your feet too. I’ve heard things about your feet.”

Into the shower I went, she didn’t watch me, thank god. She left the bathroom sometime after I stepped in and turned the water on and it felt so different on my hairless skin. The body wash slid easily across me and I felt so…good as I scrubbed the shampoo into my hair. As I finished up and stepped out of the shower Brianna walked back into the bathroom with some clothes draped over her arms.

“Hey don’t drag the towel through your hair,” She said. “Just pat it. Come over here.”

I kind of wrapped the towel around my lower half and nervously made my way toward her across the bathroom, my hair still sopping wet. She pretty much assaulted me with a blow dryer and explained to me how it would be gentler on my hair.

“I know you’re not using your natural hair yet,” She said. “But when you do, you’re going to need to learn how to take care of it.”

“Take…care of it?” I said, confused. “Doesn’t it just…can’t I just wash it in the shower?”

“You don’t wash your hair every day,” She said. “You’ll strip the natural oils out of it. You maybe want to wash twice a week unless some kind of disaster happens, and you absolutely have to. Dry shampoo and leave-in conditioner are going to be your best friends. Okay, you ready to get dressed?”

“Yeah,” I said. I glanced at the clothes she’d set on the vanity next to the sink. There was something familiar about them.

“I’m no detective,” She said as she reached for them. “But when you stayed with me that week before school started, I noticed that this dress was hung up backwards in my closet. It was the only one though. I guess you liked this one, huh?”

“Yeah, I…I did,” I blushed. “I’m sorry about that.”

“No need to be sorry,” She smiled. “I’m giving it to you. Your first hand-me-down from your big sister.”

I got dressed, carefully lining up the breast forms beneath the knee-length floral dress. Brianna tied the sash in the back and stood behind me in the mirror.

“Brianna…” I started to speak but I had no idea what I wanted to say. This moment, it was like…I was who I was, finally, and it was amazing. My sister was here, she supported me. It was beyond anything I could have expected or dreamed of. I was living in a sorority house, I was…Allison; the girl who had only existed behind my eyes for as long as I could remember. The girl I saw in the mirror every single day, the girl who had been screaming to be let free. She was here, in this room with us.

“You okay little sis?” She asked, smiling. I turned around and hugged her. I think she was expecting it.

“It’s…nice to finally meet you,” I said.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” She said, giggling a little. “Now don’t cry all over my blouse, I still have to get to work today you know.”
In the hallway girls were stepping out of their room, yawning and stretching. I passed Cassandra and Michelle on the way back, they smiled at me and said hi.

“How are you holding up?” Michelle asked. I shrugged.

“I’m okay,” I smiled a bit.

“We have a long way to go,” Michelle reminded me. “Lots to learn today, so get ready. I like the dress, by the way.”

“Thanks,” I smiled as Brianna moved me along, back to our room. She sat me down at her vanity and did my makeup, filling me in on some of the basics of primer, blush, and everything else under the sun.

“Okay,” She said. “New wig, the old one was getting a little ratty. This is going to be a little bit uncomfortable at first but ultimately worth it.”
She fixed my hair with a wig cap and placed the new wig on my head. She was right, it was super uncomfortable but when I looked in the mirror I absolutely couldn’t tell that it was a wig. Amazing.

“You are officially ready to go,” She kissed the top of my head and smiled. “Go downstairs, find Laura, she’ll tell you what to do next.”
Just like that my sister was gone and I was left alone in our room. Was this weird? No, not really. I just…felt like a girl. A real girl. Everyone was treating me like one and it was amazing. I finally stood and made my way out of the room and down the stairs where some kind of community breakfast was taking place in the dining room.

“Hey, good morning!” Laura waved me over to a self-serve buffet set up along the wall.

“Wow,” I said as I walked toward her. “Do we do this every morning?”

“Just Mondays,” She smiled. “We have to go over a few things. There are at least two AG sisters in each of your classes, we already checked, so when you go, you need to look for the pins. Not pledge pins, they’re just regular AG pins. You’ll know whose safe to talk to and who you can go to for help, okay?”

“You’re doing all this for me?”

“Yep,” She nodded. “This was mostly your sister’s idea, and we went with it, but ultimately it was our decision whether or not to bring you in. We made the choice, you’re a pledge in this house, so yes, we will take care of you."

“I don’t know what to say,” I said. “I’ve never had anyone care this much…about me before.”

“Get some food,” Laura handed me a plate and pointed to the buffet. “Try the sausage, it’s really good.”

I was kind of nervous about taking food from the table, honestly. Yeah I was a pledge, I’d been initiated and pinned and everything but it still felt wrong, the whole thing about me being here. I just didn’t felt like I belonged. But then…I did feel like I belonged. This place felt like home, this whole thing felt amazing. This was what I wanted, so why was I still so nervous? As soon as I finished with my plate, Laura waved me over to a table where she was sitting with Remy, the blonde girl from the other day, Cassandra, and Michelle. I really needed to get to know the other girls here.

Walking over to the table, I sat down and was immediately bombarded with instructions from Remy.

“Okay it looks like you have a creative writing class first, and then you follow that up with history, and English. You also have…food science? Why are you taking food science if you want to be a journalist?”

“I like to cook,” I shrugged.

“Oh, okay,” Remy said, then continued reading off my schedule. “So here’s the deal. When you finish with a class, don’t just walk out. Wait for your sisters to come to you, they’ll walk with you and then you’ll meet the next set that will walk you to class. Got it?”

“Is this all really necessary? I mean…what’s the worst that could happen?” Let’s be honest here, while I was saying that I didn’t like being micromanaged like this, I really, really liked it. Going out to rush as a girl, that was one thing. It was one night, and I was able to control my exposure. Now I was going to be out in the world for real and I had virtually no control. I liked the idea of the AG sisters giving me some kind of support system, even if it meant I would never have privacy again.

“We haven’t taught you everything you need to know,” Michelle explained. “By yourself you’re going to look a little awkward but if you’re in a group it won’t be as noticeable, make sense?”

“Are you really this worried about me?” I asked. Maybe that was a stupid question.

“I care about ANY trans or other LGBT person on this campus,” She said. “But you’re the only trans girl I have direct influence over, so I’m going to do my best to keep you safe. Every girl in this house is my responsibility, you just need a little more care than the others, okay? Don’t feel bad about it.”

I nodded. I was trying my best not to feel bad, but I still felt really out of place and like I was putting them out. Laura must have noticed my concern, she took my hands in hers and looked directly at me.

“Stop fretting,” She told me. “We’re going to make this go smoothly, and at the end of the day you can come back to the house and relax, okay?”

I was wishing that it were the end of the day right now.

“Okay,” I nodded

“Great, now let’s finish eating and get you ready for class.”

Synopsis: Allison goes to class for the first time and runs into an old friend.

“Okay we are…here,” Remy said as she pulled her car in front of Building 18. Through the passenger window I could see students walking around, drinking coffee, reading, socializing, things I might have been doing a few days ago. To think I could have been a normal student. No, who cares? If I was going to be honest with myself I had to admit that I had spent the last ten years fantasizing about something like this happening to me and…here I was. Go me. Could I just sit back and enjoy it? The reality was a lot heavier than the fantasy.

“Okay,” I said, starting to reach for the door handle. “Wait, what do I do?”

“If you look over there,” She pointed past me. “You can see those two girls over there? That would be Arianna and Madeline, or Maddie for short. Ari and Maddie. They are actually waiting for you, but first there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

I let go of the door handle and turned to her. This could never be good. I didn’t ask, I just waited for the worst.

“Don’t freak out, it’s nothing bad,” She told me. “You’ve been handling all of this REALLY well, I mean considering it’s been a little over two days. It was kind of a lot of change to thrust on you all at once but you need to talk to someone. You live in our house, you’re our sister…well I mean a pledge but I’m sure you’ll make it.”

“Talk to someone?” I regarded her carefully, trying to see what she was up to but all I could focus on were the locks of brown hair that flowed effortlessly over her shoulders. God she was beautiful. Why couldn’t I look that good?

“Look, you seem to be holding it together really well but I really want to be sure, okay? Which is why in…three days you have an appointment with Brynn Stone, she’s a great therapist and she’s not too far from campus. You need to go.”

“I don’t know,” I was apprehensive. “I’ve never…been to a therapist and…”

“You’ve never been in this situation,” She said insistently. “You need help. You need to talk to someone. This isn’t a negotiation.”

“Okay,” I said quietly. I didn’t have anything else to add.

“Good, now have a nice day at school, we’ll see you back at the house. Please, remember not to wander off on your own.”
I started to climb out of the car.

“Hey,” She interrupted me. “Tonight at the house we have our pairing ceremony. You’ll be matched with one of the sisters, she’ll be your big sister. Everyone gets one. Whoever you’re paired with, she’ll help you, you and you can go to her for advice. It’s part of being in a sorority. It’s starting at eight so you need to be there earlier. Got it?”

“Okay,” I nodded again. I’m not sure why she was telling me this; it’s not like I had any say in where I would be going.

“Great, see you back at the house.”

I stepped out of the car and the short walk from there to the table where Arianna and Madline sat felt like marching down death row. I kept my head down with my arms wrapped around my purse as if making eye contact with anyone was going to kill me. Could people tell? There was no way they couldn’t, even with Brianna’s amazing makeup job. I tried to keep myself small, just like they’d taught me. I kept my arms close to me, I took short steps, I even limited by breathing, though that probably had more to do with the fact that I was holding my breath like a fish out of water.

“Hey Allison!” One of the girls said as I finally reached the table. “My name is Madeline, this is Arianna, you ready to go to class?”
I shook my head up and down, I somehow couldn’t bring myself to speak.

“Okay hun, loosen up a little,” Arianna said to me. “You’re way too nervous.”

“And you look great,” Madeline reassured me as we made our way toward the building.

“I’m so looking forward to this,” Arianna tugged on my arm “I love creative writing, do you do any writing?”

“A little,” I said, still staring at the floor.

“Okay, do me a favor,” Arianna took my other arm and pulled me aside just in front of the entrance. “I want you to look up, look at me.”
She didn’t give me much of a choice, she placed a finger under my chin and forced my head up until our eyes met. She was a beautiful raven haired girl with deep blue eyes and a butterfly clip holding her beautiful razor straight locks out of her face. She was the kind of girl I’d have had a massive crush on if things had been different. Madeline came around into my line of sight and waved at me. I forced a smile as I took in her curly red hair, stopping just at her shoulders. She had a pale complexion, though not as pale as Arianna.

“Listen to me very carefully,” Arianna said, keeping a hand on my shoulder. “You’re a woman, you’re beautiful. I want you to keep your head up and be proud.”

“And not just any woman,” Madeline informed me. “You’re pledging Alpha Gamma. That’s a big deal.”

“And a legacy too, don’t forget that part,” Arianna added.

Yeah, a legacy. How could I forget almost screwing over my entire family?

They stood on either side of me and guided me into the building. Inside it was much the same as the main building; wood paneled with a touch of modernity. We passed a huge bulletin board detailing upcoming events, namely for the drama club, and we made our way past a few lecture halls. Then, we came across something I really didn’t care for.

“Stephanie!” Arianna greeted a girl who was walking toward us – a girl who I immediately recognized. Stephanie Williams, my old next door neighbor growing up. Literally a childhood friend; she was going to recognize me and if I knew her, she was going to make a scene. She wouldn’t hate it but she wouldn’t be able to keep her mouth shut. Oh god, here we go.

“Hey Steph,” Madeline said. “This is Allison, she’s pledging AG.”

“Hi Allison!” Stephanie greeted me. “So you’re new huh, how’s it going? What are you majoring in?”

What.

“I uh…journalism,” I replied softly. Did she not recognize me? Should I be relieved or offended?

“Oh wow!” Stephanie exclaimed, her eyes going wide as she took a deep breath. “I have a friend from back home who was coming here this year for journalism! Oh my gosh you should meet him, his name is Miles and he’s super handsome.”

“Oh, yeah,” I smiled. “That could be cool.”

Bitch are you really trying to set me up with myself?

“So Stephanie, did you ever think about joining a sorority?” Arianna asked her. “It’s not too late to join AG you know.”

“I did try,” She said. “I was there with one of the rush groups and I didn’t get a call back.”

“Still not too late,” Madeline told her. “Continuous open bids are a thing. You could still get called back.”

“Oh that would be pretty amazing,” Stephanie said.

We made it to the classroom, I breathed a sigh of relief, she hadn’t figured it out and she would be gone in a minute.

“Okay, here we are,” Arianna pointed to Room 810F.

“Oh me too!” Stephanie chimed in. “I’m taking creative writing too!”

Oh my holy Jesus what the actual f—

“We should all sit together!” Madeline exclaimed.

So we did. Somehow we passed through the entire lecture without Stephanie noticing it was me, the kid she’d played with as a child, or the person she’d gone to middle and high school with. Though I got through it, I didn’t really process any of the information and I think that was a common theme throughout the day as I was shuffled from class to class, sometimes guided by sisters, other times, pledges like myself. It was a good way for me to get to know everyone but damn, my head was spinning by the end of the day. Finally, I found myself in the car of two girls I had just met an hour earlier driving back to the house. They reminded me that the big sister/little sister ceremony was taking place tonight. I had no idea why I needed a big sister, pretty sure I already had one.

“Hey, welcome home!” Brianna called out to me as I walked through the front door. She was sitting on the couch with Remy, they were going over some kind of paperwork. “You ready for the big ceremony?”

“I guess,” I shrugged as she walked over and led me away into another room. “How does it work?”

“Well, you get paired up with one of the sisters and they become your big sister. If you have any questions or if you’re having problems, you just go to them. They’re kind of like your guide on this crazy journey.”

“So obviously you’ll be mine,” I didn’t mind the idea really.

“No hon,” She shook her head. “I’m here to help you but you need to pair up with someone your own age, it’s part of the whole college experience.”

“It’s not like anyone’s going to pick me,” I shrugged. “I’m a—”

“Stop,” She placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed a little bit. “You are a beautiful young lady and you need to stop thinking otherwise.”

“I just don’t…feel like a regular college girl,” I kind of sighed. “I feel like…”

“Look,” She said firmly. “If you were a regular college girl then I wouldn’t be here. I would be off working and you would be doing this alone, but that’s not how it worked out. I know it’s all new and it’s scary and confusing and…all sorts of other things but let me tell you something. For me this is amazing. As a brother I didn’t really know you. You were quiet, reserved, you held things in. I could never tell if you were happy, or sad, or mad, though if we’re being honest I could always tell there was kind of a sadness about you. Your eyes gave it away. You were always looking off into the distance like there was something you wanted but couldn’t quite reach. Your pain was so obvious. In the last few days I’ve seen more emotion from you than I did in a lifetime. You’re still afraid but it’s such a different type of fear. You’re timid, you’re shaky, you’re unsure but you know what else you are? You’re happy. I’ve seen you smile, and not a fake smile like you used to do. You’re truly happy and I can see it in your face. When I first got here yeah, I was a little apprehensive, I wasn’t sure how it would turn out but now I’m pretty sure that this is where you belong, so don’t you ever doubt it.”

I instinctively hugged her, I don’t know why. I just felt safe, maybe for the first time. I could actually trust someone.

“But…but still?” I said as I buried my head into her shoulder. “Would anyone really pick me? Who would want me?”

“Someone already has,” She kind of chuckled as she released me and placed her hands on my shoulders, smiling at me.

“What? They did?”

“There was actually quite an argument over who would get you,” She grinned. “It was really amusing to watch.”

“So…who is it?” I asked, still confused as to why anyone would want me, or why I was even worth arguing over.

“You’re about to find out,” She said as she took my hand. “Come on.”

Synopsis: Allison meets her new big sister

“Sisterhood, Love, Unity, Commitment, Tradition, Honesty. These are among our core values and you have each been selected not by chance but because you have the potential to uphold and fulfill those values. Each and every one of you, is special in her own way.” The conference room had been darkened and Remy stood in front of us. For the first time I noticed that the AG logo was emblazoned onto the wooden floor of the room and a set of accent light nearby seemed to illuminate it, though just enough that it didn’t kill the atmosphere. The rest of the room was illuminated by candlelight. Each pledge held a candle, but each sister, standing around the inside of the conference table held a lit candle. The ceremony had been explained to us, now all that was left was to perform it.

I felt giddy, to put it mildly. The air was electrified. I was part of something, I belonged. There was a brief silence and then Remy continued.

”Alpha Gamma is more than just a house, it is a life giving tree, its roots ensnare our hearts and binds us together so that we may move forward as one, offering our support and our love to one another no matter where our path takes us in life. You will one day leave this house, but you will carry this sisterhood in your hearts. Today you take an important step on that journey. For each of you a big sister has been chosen. She will instruct you not only in the ways of Alpha Gamma, but also in the ways of life so that you may better yourself. Make no mistake, however. We still have much to learn from eachother. When your name is called, step forward and perform the ritual.”

Remy unfolded a piece of paper and read off the first name.

“Veronica, please step forward.”

As she did, Arianna stepped toward the center, the two met in the middle.

“With this flame I offer you a part of myself, my knowledge, my wisdom, and my love so that I may guide you, and so what we may move forward together,” Arianna spoke the ritual words.

“I accept your gift, so what we may move forward together, as sisters,” Veronica responded. Arianna used her candle to light Veronica’s, and they moved toward the back. The next girl went, and then the next girl. I waited patiently but filled to the brim with anxiety. I felt nervous about walking up in front of all these people. It shouldn’t have bothered me that much honestly. I mean, any shred of dignity I’d had was ripped away over the last few days; a little ceremony and some public speaking shouldn’t’ be making me nervous; but it was.

My fears degenerated into worry as the ceremony pressed onward and I wasn’t called up. Did no one choose me? Had my worst fear been realized? Would I be the only person in the house without a big sister? I think at that point I was so embarrassed I wanted to run but my feet felt as if they were glued to the floor; my legs rubber. The last girl was finally called, then paired off with a sister named Lila. I remembered Lila, actually; she was the one who has blocked me from leaving the conference room the day Remy had confronted me. Maybe it was a good thing I hadn’t gotten her, but who had I gotten? I looked around, I was the last one standing.

“Allison,” Remy’s voice boomed throughout the conference room. “Step forward.”

Timidly and carefully I forced myself to move forward, holding my candle close to my chest just as every other girl had done. I kept my face forward but my eyes darted around as I tried to gauge the room. Who was left? Was everyone staring at me? Was I even supposed to be here? Was I really even HERE in the first place? My god it had to be a dream.

I came to Remy and stopped in front of her. She must have seen the worry in my eyes, she smiled a bit and whispered quietly so that only we could hear.

“Are you okay?”

“I think so,” I whispered back.

“You’re pale as a ghost,” She observed.

“I guess I am,” I tried to smile and shrug it off but failed miserably.

“Allison, listen,” Remy suddenly placed a hand on my cheek. It felt amazing, it felt warm, it felt…safe. “When you came here for Rush on Friday I’m not going to lie. I kind of hated you. I thought you were arrogant, and I thought you were mocking us. I’ve only known you for four days but in the time, you joined us here, the change has been absolutely amazing. It’s no wonder you were awkward and creepy as a guy. You were never meant to BE a guy. You’re our sister now and we’ll take care of you.”

I wanted to cry again. What was it with me and crying lately? Remy smiled and stepped back a bit.

“With this flame I offer you a part of myself, my knowledge, my wisdom, and my love so that I may guide you, and so what we may move forward together,” She moved forward and leaned her candle in halfway.

“I…I accept your gift, so what we may move forward together, as sisters,” I moved my candle forward, allowing us to meet in the middle. She smiled at me in the soft glow and motioned for me to walk back to the others.

“The ceremony is complete,” Remy said loudly. “Let us move forward as sisters.”

“Let us move forward as sisters,” We responded.

The ceremony ended, we shuffled out of the conference room, each of us with a renewed sense of purpose. My head was still spinning; had that just happened? Did Remy really choose me? Why had she chosen me?

“Hey!” Veronica stopped me as I wandered aimlessly through the common area. “What’s that amazing? I can’t believe I got Arianna, she’s like, the BEST.”

“Yeah,” I said, smiling. I was starting to feel a little more comfortable just talking to people. “I still can’t believe Remy picked me, I mean…the president?”

“Well I’m sure she had her reason!” Veronica said excitedly. “You can ask her all about it, we’re supposed to have some one on one time with our big sisters you know, in a little bit.”

“We are?”

“You don’t pay attention much do you?” Veronica laughed. “That’s okay, I know you have a lot going on. Speaking of which!”

Veronica was looking over my shoulder; I turned to see Remy who had apparently changed back into her favorite hoodie and a pair of yoga pants. She grinned and gave me a quick hug.

“Hey,” She said. “Did you enjoy the ceremony?”

“Yeah, I did,” I said. “But…I guess I’m kind of confused. Why did you pick me? What’s so special about me?”

“Come on,” Remy told me. “We’ll talk about it.”

She led me upstairs, and past my room. I’d never been this far back before; I’d been told that as a pledge I wasn’t technically supposed to be upstairs, or sleeping in the house but they had made an exception for me. Their only condition was that I only use the bathroom and my room. I had stuck to it religiously. We wound around the balcony until finally we came to a door at the end of the hallway.

“My room,” She said. “I get one all to myself; presidential privilege and all.

The room beyond the door wasn’t huge though it was certainly bigger than the others in the house. Definitely a presidential suite. She immediately went for the bed, plopping down and pulling her legs up Indian style. She motioned for me to join her, so I nervously crossed the room and sat on the edge.

“Come on,” She laughed, pulling me further onto the bed until I was facing her. “Okay, so yeah you’re confused but let me explain why. Like I said before it’s only been a few days you have come…a LONG way and I really can’t wait to see how much further you’ll go. I mean there are a lot of little things that you probably haven’t even noticed. The way you walk has changed, the way you talk, it’s all just fantastic. The problem is that yeah, while you’ve taken to all of this naturally there are still a lot of things to work on and in my opinion you still need to be protected. You probably feel like you’ve made great strides but this is only the beginning, you know what I mean?”

“Wait,” I said. “You’re saying you only picked me for your little sister because you think I need to be protected?”

“Kind of,” She nodded. “But also because I like you. Honestly, it’s a big sister’s job to protect her little sister whether it’s a blood relationship or not. I also think you have a lot to teach me. We’ll be good for eachother. Enough of that, though. Tell me how you’re feeling.”

What she said kind of made sense, I guess. It was all still a whirlwind of emotion; emotions I never would have dared to express as a man. How was I supposed to explain how I was feeling now? I mean I knew the emotions but I didn’t have words for them.

“I guess…” I started. “I mean…I feel…I feel out of place kind of. I don’t mean I feel like I don’t belong here. Things feel right for the first time in a long time but it’s weird I guess because I have to walk through the world in such a different way. When some of the girls were walking me to class earlier today they told me it was never a good idea to walk alone even in the daytime. I didn’t really…I mean when I was a guy I walked everywhere by myself and I didn’t even think about it but now I’m kind of…”

“Afraid?” Remy finished my sentence for me.

“Yeah I’m…I’m afraid. I can feel people looking at me outside. I draw more attention and sometimes I feel like I’m on display even if I’m just walking to class. It’s not about being trans; I don’t think anyone can tell because Brianna and everyone else does such a good job with my makeup, but because I’m out there and I’m wearing a skirt or a dress or whatever and they feel they have the right to look at me. I’ve gone from being invisible to being everyone’s business.”

“It’s true,” Remy confirmed for me. “When you make a transition like this, you’re doing more than just putting on a dress and some makeup. That’s a big part of it but you’re also assimilating into a class and gender that has always been objectified. It’s not as bad as it used to be but having been a man you’re going to feel some of the impacts pretty hard. That’s another reason I chose you. I like you but I also want to hear about how you’re doing and what you’re experiencing so I can help you. I wanted more time for you because yeah we did give you a pretty hard push and I know you weren’t ready but to balance it out, we’re going to be here to help you. I’m going to be here to help you. We are ALL going to be here to help you. Being a part of this sisterhood is more than just a club, we’re here for eachother, for life. I’m you big sister, for life, do you understand that?”

“Yeah, I…I do,” I said. I was feeling overwhelmed again; I couldn’t believe anyone cared this much about me. A lot had happened over the last few days and in many ways my mind was still trying to catch up with my body.

“Soooo,” Remy said. “We’re having a dinner tonight to celebrate. I hope you like chicken.”

I couldn’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be, and it felt good.

Synopsis: Allison speaks with her therapist about starting hormone therapy and learns about Philanthropy

“Allison? Are you okay?” Brynn asked me. I snapped out of my brief trance and looked back to her. Brynn was the therapist that Remy had referred me to and so far I had no idea how the session was going.

“I…yeah, I’m fine,” I think I was lying.

“So from what you’re telling me, this happened because you decided to rush a few sororities dressed as a woman and they’re…punishing you?” Brynn raised an eyebrow. Okay sure, that’s kind of how it sounded but that wasn’t how it felt, not anymore.

“That’s…what it felt like at first,” I admitted. “But things have changed now. It’s been about a week and I really, really like this.”

“Well what do you like about it?”

“Before all this happened I was just online in groups just reading and sometimes posting. I asked for advice and stuff, like how to transition and even though people would answer I never really expected to be able to do it. Never in a million years. I was afraid of coming out to my mother and sister…I didn’t know how they would take it. I guess that was stupid of me. I had already just decided that they would both hate me and I didn’t bother asking them.”

“Why did you think they would hate you?” Brynn began to write on her notepad as I spoke.

“I guess I just…maybe it was in my head. Maybe I never paid close enough attention to who they were and what they were like. I just…assumed that it would go badly because my mom had me on this really specific path. I told her I wanted to become a journalist, like a news anchor. She kind of planned my whole life out and ‘Allison’ was never a part of that. I thought she would be mad, or disgusted,” I shifted in my chair a bit, realizing how stupid this sounded when I said it out loud. Why on earth had I thought my mom would hate me over something like this?

“And now?”

“Now it’s…it’s weird. I haven’t really talked to her but Brianna told me that all she cares about is that I’m in school and doing well. She doesn’t care about all…this.”

“Well it seems that you have the familial acceptance, and that puts you about fifty steps ahead of most other trans women. So I think the question you need to ask, is this: is this what you want?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused. “You mean, do I want to be a girl?”

“I mean,” Brynn said, looking at me over her glasses. “Do you want to be in the sorority. Do you feel like you’re being forced?”

That was a tough question. I didn’t really have the option of walking away from the house, or did I? I probably could and at this point it wouldn’t hurt anything, because I tried and maybe I just didn’t like it. But to leave Remy and Michelle? To let Brianna down like that? I couldn’t even imagine it.

“I don’t feel like I’m being forced,” I finally admitted. “I mean at first I didn’t have a choice but now? Now it’s like…I’m there because I want to be. No one’s holding me against my will and…I think they’ve made me a better person. My sister told me that I’m more outgoing, and happier. It’s scary sometimes, like really scary-“

“What parts are scary?”

“I guess it’s like…I have to meet a certain expectation, and they’re holding me to it. They’re my friends but they definitely get on me a lot. I guess they want me to be the best I can be but it gets…hard and tiring.”

“Have you ever considered asking them to back off a little?”

“I…I thought about it but then I realized…something,” I shifted again, this time staring at a painting on the wall to my left. It was a forest scene, kind of relaxing.

“What did you realize?” Her voice was almost drowned out by the sound of the ticking clock just behind her. I tried to concentrate on her voice.

I saw…an old picture of myself on my phone and I don’t look anything like that anymore. Like at all. It…it wouldn’t be that way if it weren’t for everything they’ve done and I don’t want it to stop. I NEED it to keep going. I don’t want to be him again. I hated him.” I was beginning to curl my fist, my body was shaking. It was so true; I couldn’t stand the idea of being Miles. He was so…I don’t know how to explain it.

“Then it sounds to me like you’re on the right path, you’re becoming who you were meant to be, and it may be really, really good for you,” Brynn took a few more notes. “Have you considered taking hormones?”

“Well, yeah,” I admitted. “I mean I’ve read a lot about them online especially well…back when I had more time. The problem is I guess I have to be in therapy for like a year and get a referral letter, right?”

“Not anymore,” She shook her head. “There are other options like informed consent clinics. Planned Parenthood is a good one.”

“So they’ll just give me the hormones? Just like that?”

“Generally, yes. You would have to answer some questions and having a referral letter never HURTS, but they’re not going to deny a trans woman from hormone treatment, especially not one like you. It’s clear you’re dressing the part and acting the part. In my professional opinion, if you weren’t trans, you would be fighting this but you’ve settled into it very, very nicely. You’re a natural.”

“Th…thank you,” I blushed. I still wasn’t used to being praised or complimented.

“I’m going to make you referral to Ian McKee’s office. He’s a great, LGBT friendly doctor, he’ll run some blood tests and get you on the right dosage.”

“Wait, that’s it?” I asked, incredulously. “After all…this…all I had to do was ask?”

“Well,” She said. “It’s easier in some areas than others. We have a better informed consent system here.”

So it was happening. It was actually happening. After reading about it online forever and wondering if I would ever be lucky enough to get them, I was actually going to start taking hormones? It just didn’t seem real, but then again, none of this seemed real.

I left the therapists’ office at 2:15 and thought about going back to the house, but instead received a text from Remy.

‘Hey little sis! Meet us at the Animal Shelter on Romig Road when you get done! Love ya!’

I smiled a little, it was nice to have someone care enough to send texts; it had never really happened before…before all this. I used my phone to call an Uber and rode over to the animal shelter. Outside I saw Remy’s car, but also Laura, Cassandra’s, and cars that I knew belonged to a few other girls. What as going on? I crossed the parking lot and made my way to the front lobby, approaching the receptionist carefully; I still felt awkward in public even though Brianna, Remy, Cassandra, Michelle, and virtually every other girl in the house had convinced me that no one could tell.

Before I could even speak the receptionist perked up and said, “Hey are you with Alpha Gamma?”

“Uh, yeah,” I said. “I’m looking for-“

“The rest of your group is outside, just follow me!”

I followed her through a winding hallway until we reached a glass door, which she held open for me. It led outside into kind of a play yard but full of dog toys, a small inground pool with the entire area screened in with kind of a black mesh. In the yard I could see about ten AG girls playing with the dogs.

“Heyyyy,” Remy said bouncing over to me. She was gorgeous today; her hair was tied up in a bun held together by two chopsticks and she was wearing this black spaghetti strap top. “I thought you’d never make it!”

“What is this?” I asked looking around “Are we getting a dog?”

“No silly,” Remy laughed. It’s philanthropy. We do fifty philanthropy hours per month, like charity. Today we’re playing with the dogs. Next week we’re scheduled to serve food at the homeless shelter. There are a few other activities scheduled throughout the month so basically it gives us a presence in the community and…lets us play with dogs!”

“Hey Allie!” Michelle waves from the corner where she was playing tug with a huge German shepherd. “You taking care of those feet?”

“Yeah,” I called back, laughing.

“Okay little sis, I don’t know how well you do with dogs but…see this one over here, this is Bernie. He’s kind of a grouch.”

“Wow,” I said as I stared at the great Dane moving toward us. “He’s uh…big.”

“Don’t worry,” Remy laughed. “He’s a big baby.”

“Big is…right,” I said as I nervously approached the dog. When I moved forward he started prancing around, his nails clicking against the concrete. “uh….”

“Here,” Remy said, smiling to me. “This is his favorite ball, throw it, he loves that.”

“Throw…throw it where?” I asked as she handed it to me.

“Anywhere,” She laughed. You know, I probably really shouldn’t have been thinking like this, at ALL, but the way she looked today, Jesus I would have probably walked into a volcano if she’d told me to. No, no, bad thoughts. Holy shit, no.

I turned cautiously and threw the ball, or at least I tried. Actually, it didn’t make it more than three inches from my hand, and just fell to the ground right in front of me. "Wow, I suck—”

“ALLISON WATCH OUT!” Remy screamed but it was too late. Bernie had decided to go for the ball, and to do that, he’d decided to go through me. I felt the full force of him slam into the back of my knees, sending me lurching forward. As I desperately tried to keep my balance I bounded around, throwing my arms out and failing until finally I fell face first, right into that stupid doggie pool. It was maybe two feet deep but I still managed to slam into the floor of it. I didn’t stay under too long, I felt sets of hands gripping my arms and yanking me out, setting me down on the edge.

“Oh my god Allison,” Michelle said, placing a hand on my cheek and looking into my eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah holy crap,” Lila said running over to the pool. “Are you alright?”

A few other girls asked the same question and it occurred to me that if I were a guy, and if they were all guys, they would be laughing instead of asking me if I were okay. I liked this better.

“Yeah,” I gasped a bit and nodded. “I’m okay, thanks.”

“Be more careful!” Remy lectured me as she pulled me to my feet and straightened my wig.

“I’m…sorry,” I said, looking down.

“Hey no,” Remy lifted my chin and smiled at me. “You’re fine, it was an accident. I just don’t want you to get hurt, okay? Like, that could have been really bad. Next time actually throw the ball!”

The girls around us laughed a little bit and I grinned.

“I’ll do better next time, I promise.”

“Well,” Remy said, handing me the ball again. “Let’s see if you can actually get some air this time. Wind your arm back and give it a toss!”

The girls dispersed and went back to whatever they were doing. As I tossed the ball and let Bernard bring it back to me countless times I suddenly realized I liked having all of that attention; they actually cared whether or not I was hurt. People cared about me. It was…such an odd feeling.

We played in the enclosure for about two hours and then Remy announced that it was time to pack it in and head home.

“Come on sis, you’re riding with me,” Remy said. “You don’t need to call an Uber just to get back to the house."

“Thanks,” I smiled as we left the building and walked across the parking lot.

“Oh hey, do you have a dress?” She asked.

“Well yeah,” I said. “I have the one I wore to our initiation.”

“Mmm, too formal,” She said. “I think you wore the same one to the ceremony too…”

“Uh, yeah…” I admitted. “Oh! I have the one my sister, I mean Brianna gave me.”

“Okay,” She said. “We have a semi-formal coming up this weekend and yeah I know what dress you’re talking about…it might work. Maybe we should go through my closet and find something for you to wear.”

“You mean…you’d want me to wear something of yours?”

“Sure,” She said. “You’re my little sis, I can find something for you. The semi-formal is a mixer, we’re getting together with OED or, Omega Epsilon Delta. It’s a frat. Normally we get dates for this sort of thing um…I need to ask…”

I blushed. What was she about to ask?

“Yes?” I squeaked.

“Do you like guys or girls? I’m only asking because we need to find you a date.”

“Oh um…girls,” I said. “I like girls.”

“Cool,” She nodded. We climbed into her car and headed back toward the house. Great. My first semi-formal, and…did I also mention my first date?

Synopsis: It’s time for the semi-formal; will Allison survive?

“Okay!” Cassandra clapped her hands excitedly and jumped up and down. “Let’s turn her around! Oh my god you look so amazing!”

“Hold on,” Michelle said, taking out her phone and snapping a few pictures of me. “Hey, smile a little bit would you?”

The stylist finally turned the chair around and I was able to actually get a look at myself. I had hair; long hair, and it was nothing like what I’d had with the wig. There was no pressure around my head and it didn’t feel fake. It looked so…natural. I reached up and ran a finger through one of my new brown locks and exhaled. The way it framed my face was unbelievable; I looked so much more feminine than I could have possibly imagined. I turned and practically tackle-hugged the stylist.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“Oh sweetie you’re so welcome,” She said as she hugged me back. “Just remember what I told you about taking care of if okay? A weave isn’t your natural hair so just follow the instructions I’m sending home with you.”

“Okay,” I smiled. I was elated. I couldn’t believe it. No more wigs, no more self hate, at least when it came to hair. Could this day get any better? Cassandra and Michelle walked me out of the salon, or maybe we walked out together. Lately I was feeling more in control of my life; I was actually starting to enjoy all of this. A lot.

“So, semi-formal tonight,” Michelle spoke up as we reached the car. “It’s a mixer with OED and Remy went ahead and got you a date since you’re like, too timid to ask anyone yourself.”

“Is it her?” I joked. I wasn’t joking.

“No silly, it’s Brittney Morgan, she’s the drama club president. She’s gay as hell and know about you.” Cassandra smirked.

“She…knows?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah we clued her in,” Michelle explained. “It’s not something we’d normally do but we were down to the wire here; you’d look silly without a date. Plus, we know she’s safe.”

“Well…okay,” I said. “I mean…I guess you know what’s best.”

“We do, dear,” Cassandra assured me. “Let’s get back to the house so you can rest up, it’s a big night tonight and…you need to start getting ready in a few hours.”

“Shouldn’t I start getting ready now?” I asked as we started the drive back to the house.

“Trust me, rest a little, read a book, maybe take a nap. You might not realize it but in the last two weeks you’ve been through a lot. You went from being a college boy to…one of the hottest girls in AG really. Seriously, your sister’s makeup skills are incredible.”

They weren’t wrong, the entire thing had been exhausting up to this point. Brianna woke me up every morning at 6 am to make sure I was showered and made up for the day. I spent most of my time being directed around campus by other AG sisters and pledges; it was a never ending cycle and the Greek social calendar kept me busier than I’d ever been as a guy. If you had told me three weeks ago that I would be doing…well…this, I would have told you that you were insane. As if my days weren’t packed enough, I spent a lot of my nights reading over the pledge handbook; in just two months we would be tested on it and maybe even be given the opportunity to become full sisters. When I’d rushed all of the sorority houses that weekend I remembered walking into a lot of them and feeling a sense of longing. I’d watched all of the other girls talking to the sisters, and I knew that they actually had a chance of making it into the sorority whether it was Alpha Gamma or Omega Chi, or any of the others that we visited. I was lonely, and I was sad because I knew that while I could rush and feel like I belonged for one night, one single night, I could never get that sense of belonging that came with being in a house and having a group of women to call sisters. But it happened. It actually happened. I was tired, I was sore, my head was spinning and I was reeling from everything that had been happening to me, oh you have no idea. The world was so confusing now but you know what? I wouldn’t trade it back for that loneliness and longing that I felt before.

“Hey, little sis!” Remy called out as I walked through the front door. “I laid out a dress on your bed for you!”

“Thank you so much!” I smiled and gave her a hug. “That really means a lot to me.”

“Hey,” She said. “The semi-formal starts in about three hours. I really want you to go rest for about an hour and then I’m going to wake you for – OH MY GOD YOUR HAIR!”

I was taken offguard, I’d completely forgotten about the hair.

“Oh yeah!” I grinned. “Brittney and Cassandra took me to get hair extensions; no more wig!”

“Is it a weave” She asked as she started to run her fingers through it a bit.

“Yeah,” I said happily. “I love the way it frames my face, it’s like…so feminine. I can’t believe it.”

“Yep!” Remy said. “Good hair is everything. The best part about a weave is you can grow your own hair out underneath it. You’ll have your own in no time but for now…DAMN you look good. Okay go rest and I’ll wake you up for—”

“Remy!” I heard a girl call out. “What happened to the platters?!”

“Go rest,” Remy said. The way she phrased it wasn’t really a request so I wandered up the stairs and went to my bed. Laid out across it was this beautiful purple dress with a criss-cross neck and layered sleeves. I smiled a bit as I picked it up and held it to my chest. Setting it aside, I laid out on the bed and yawned. I hadn’t noticed it as much before but I really was tired; I think I passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. The next thing I knew, Remy was gently shaking me awake. I opened my eyes a bit, she was standing there in this black and gold sleeveless dress that went down to her knees and hugged her body in all the right places.

“Hey you,” She said softly. “Get up, I need to show you something.”

I sat up slowly and carefully, smiling as I did so. There was so much to smile about. Remy waited patiently until I was finally sitting on the edge of the bed and then she handed me the pumps that they’d picked out for me at the store the last time we’d gone shopping.

“You haven’t worn them yet,” She said to me. “I need you to put them on and stand up, you’re wearing them tonight.”

“Oh I don’t need to,” I said. “I have my flats-“

“Allison. You’re wearing them,” She gave me a stern look; I knew there was no getting out of this one.

I rather obediently slid them onto my feet and carefully stood up, wobbling as I did. Remy reached out and placed her hands on my arms to steady me and I sort of looked up at her, completely uncertain. She smiled at me encouragingly and I all but swooned. Stepping back, she motioned for me to follow as she walked backward toward the end of the bed.

“Okay,” She said. “You’re going to walk from one end of the room to the other, put one foot in front of the other, just…walk like you’re on a balance beam. Sway your hips a little.”

I did as she said but I still felt so weird and unsteady. For the next half hour we practiced until I finally had some semblance of balance.

“You’re going to be fine,” Remy smiled at me. “Let’s get you dressed okay?”

It took maybe twenty minutes to get into the dress and properly apply makeup with Remy’s help. I quickly noticed that Remy, Brianna, and virtually every other girl in the house who had done my makeup had their own distinct style. I would have to develop my own style eventually and I think I already was.

“This hair of yours…” Remy gushed as she played with it. “We don’t even have to style it, they practically did everything for you at the salon today. Look at the way it falls over your shoulders!”

Once she finished fawning over my hair we went downstairs where people were already beginning walk through the doors. The place was filling up fast, and Remy was checking her phone.

“Miss Allison,” She said very formally and properly. “Your date has arrived.”

As soon as she said that, a black haired girl in this beautiful blue sequined dress stepped through the door. She saw me immediately and smiled.

“Allison!” She said as she walked up to me. She looked me over and grinned. “You look just like your picture…and as promised you look like a deer in headlights.”

Oh god how much had they told her about me?

“You uh…must be Brittany,” I said, smiling as best I knew how. “I’m—”

“Allison,” She laughed. “I’ve heard a lot about you. All of it good, I promise.”

“I’m uh…I’m sorry,” I said grinning sheepishly. “I have no idea what to do at a…semi-formal, I’ve never…”

“It’s okay,” Brittany reassured me as the music started. “Let’s go dance, and then we’ll get some punch.”

She led me over to the common area which had been cleared out and was being used as a dance floor. I gawked as she wrapped her arms around me and led me in a sort of slow dance. I had no idea how to actually dance so I just shuffled my feet. She seemed to have no problem with it.

So, a journalism major,” She said. “That’s really exciting. What kind of journalism do you want to do?”

“Oh I…well I mean it would be cool to become like a news anchor; they make a lot of money but I guess at the end of the day I really just want to write. I always thought it would be cool to…you know be out in the field, chasing stories.”

“You’re right,” She nodded, pulling me a little closer. “That would definitely be cool.”

“What about you?” I asked her, genuinely interested. “I hear you’re…in the drama club? So you’re into theater?”

“Sure am,” She smiled. “We’re getting ready to do a play actually, well, a musical to the more cultured types. Have you heard of Phantom of the Opera?”

“Of course I have!” I exclaimed. “It’s one of my favorites!”

“Yeah?” She said. “What’s your favorite thing about it?”

I’m not sure she expected me to answer, but I did.

“When the Phantom had them perform his musical,” I smiled sadly. “He poured his entire soul into it and no one liked it…not because it wasn’t good, but because it was a theme that they just weren’t ready for. People fear what they don’t understand and in a way it was kind of synonymous with his life. The world wasn’t ready for him either. Maybe today he’d be accepted, disfigured and all, but back then it was kind of a scarlet letter. Just like this play. It just goes to show that change can come with time, but only if there are people brave enough to pursue it.”

“People like…a phantom,” She said thoughtfully.

“Or a trans person,” I suggested. “I mean, I’m accepted here, but I don’t know how the outside world is going to handle me. I guess in a way, the Alpha Gamma house is my opera house.”

“You’re not going to go around hanging people are you?” She laughed. I grinned a little.

“Well,” I said. “Just make sure to keep your hand at the level of your eye.”

We laughed a bit more and the dance concluded. The rest of the evening went by pretty quickly and it wasn’t nearly as painful as I thought it would be. Finishing out the evening, we said goodbye and I watched her go. Regrettably, I don’t think there had been any sparks, but at least we had fun right?

“Hey, Allison,” Brianna said as she approached me from the hallway leading to the conference room. “There’s someone who wants to meet you!”

Oh great, more new people.

Not feeling I had much of a choice (did I ever, anymore?), I followed Brianna down the hall and walked through the door into the huge conference room where we’d just held the Big Sister/Little Sister ritual. As soon as I stepped in, my heart leapt into my throat and I felt light headed as hell. The person I saw in the center of the room, I knew who they were but I had never expected to see them, at least not this soon. I couldn’t think of anything to say, but it was Brianna who spoke.

“Ms. Parsons,” She said with a sly grin. “I’d like to introduce your daughter, Allison.”

Synopsis: Allison meets with her mother, and a new pledge joins the house

Have you ever seen those soap operas from the 80’s where they get to the end and a narrator sets the scene for the next episode while everyone just stands around and stares at eachother as horrible organ music plays? What was happening right now was kind of like that but there was no narrator, and as far as I know, no cheesy organ music. I had so many thoughts running through my mind. Why was my mother here? What did she want? Was she still mad at me? How did I not even notice her coming into the house? Did we still have any of the cheese dip from earlier? We stood there for the longest time, and finally she began to walk toward me. I didn’t quite know what to say, though I suspected she knew exactly what to say; she always did.

“So,” She said as she reached out to straighten a wrinkle in my dress. “You’re the Allison I’ve been hearing so much about. Your sister has been keeping me filled in on your progress and I think for the first time in a long time I can say that I’m exceedingly proud of you.”

“You…you are?” I asked, a little confused. Those weren’t words that I ever expected to hear my mother say.

“Yes, I am,” She nodded. “I have to say that before all of this, you were arrogant, you were disrespectful to everyone around you, and to be honest I didn’t think you were even going to finish school. I’ve never stopped loving you but I was beginning to lose hope. From what I’ve been told you’re doing excellent in school, you’ve made all kinds of new friends and you’re even doing my old house proud.”

“Mom I’m…I’m really sorry about Rush—” I started to speak, but she raised her hand, which was her go-to for ‘shut up’.

“Don’t worry about that,” She reassured me. “I was angry at first but now I can see that you weren’t just being stupid. You made a terrible man but from what I’m here you make a fantastic young lady, so let’s go ahead and forget the past.”

I nodded, pondering over whether or not I had actually been a terrible man. It was interesting that now what I had this perspective I was able to think back on the way I had acted back them, and honestly, I couldn’t think of much that I could be proud of.

I wasn’t sure what to say here exactly; my mother had never spoken to me like this before. She had always been kind of cold and distant – not the way she’d been with my sister. There was something different now. It was almost as if I had been inducted into some kind of secret club, and it was definitely one that I wanted to be a part of. Over the last few weeks I’d been privy to human affection and contact unlike anything I’d ever experienced, and this only compounded it.

“There’s just…one thing I really need to know,” She said, frowning.

“What’s..that?” I asked. Now I was starting to fear for my life; I knew that frown.

“Allison,” She said, kind of shaking her head. “Why did you think I wouldn’t approve of this? What on earth made you think you had to rush every single sorority on campus instead of just coming out to your family?

I heard Brianna snort.

“I guess…I don’t know,” I admitted.

“Allison, I’ve donated thousands to the Human Rights Campaign and other LGBTS friendly organizations, I don’t keep it a secret. I just don’t understand what was going through your head. Frankly that’s the only thing that really offends me here.”

“Okay,” I said a little defensively. “To be fair I didn’t know this was your old sorority house even when Brianna pointed it out to me in person.”

“Well,” My mother said. “That’s just a new level of-“

Whatever her thought was, it was interrupted by a light knock at the conference room door. We turned to see Remy standing there. I’m so glad that they had taught me how to tuck.

“Can I come in?” She inquired. Of course she could come in, she was the president.

“Of course!” Brianna exclaimed. “Mom, this is Remy, current president of Alpha Gamma AND Allison’s big sister.”

Mom actually looked really impressed. Remy stepped into the room and shook her hand, smiling wide.

“Remy,” She said. “We talked on the phone briefly and Brianna has been telling me quite a bit about you. I want to thank you and Alpha Gamma for taking such good care of my daughter.”

She called me her daughter. My mom called me her daughter. Her daughter. She called me her daughter. Of all the things I could have imagined happening in my life this was never one of them, not in a million years. I was her daughter. I was Brianna’s sister. Years and years of hiding and absolute torture were over; I didn’t have to be afraid anymore. I stood there silently and listened to the three of them talk, mostly about me, how I was doing in school, and I heard Remy re-iterate that as my big sister it was her job to make sure that I was keeping my grades up. The thing I was having the most trouble processing at this point was how much they seemed to care about me and what I was doing with my life. A few weeks ago, well okay a month ago, my sister had just dropped me off at my new dorm, helped me move a few things in and pretty much said ‘Well there you go, good luck’. At the time I liked it. I’d wanted to be alone. If we’re being honest, I’d always found my sister to be kind of overbearing and I couldn’t wait to get away from her, and mom. Now as I stood here in the AG conference room listening to them talk about me, I couldn’t imagine a life without them. I guess the whole thing must have shown on my face because Brianna glanced over at me and stopped talking.

“Allison, are you okay?” She frowned. “You look like you’re about to cry.”

“I just…” I said. I didn’t have any words. I didn’t know what to say.

“Okay come here,” She said, taking my hand and drawing me in. She wrapped her arms around me and I laid my head on her shoulder.

“Hey so um, I need to go welcome the new pledges into the house,” Remy said suddenly.

“New pledges?” I asked, letting go of Brianna. “I thought we didn’t add any after Rush.”

“Continuous open bidding, dear,” My mom informed me. “If a house doesn’t meet their quota, after Rush week they can reach out to the girls they turned away. Not every girl accepts their bid; some go to other houses.”

“Yep,” Remy said. “We reached out to a bunch of girls and they accepted their bids, so they should be on their way here now.”

“Wouldn’t that bother them?” I wondered aloud. “You know, being second pick?”

“Being second pick for Alpha Gamma is practically first pick,” Brianna informed me. My mother nodded. Remy smirked as she turned and walked toward the door.

“I’m glad to see this place hasn’t changed much,” My mother said as she looked around the conference room. “You ladies have taken excellent care of it.”

“It’s our home,” I said. “At least until we graduate.”

“So you definitely think you’ll stick with it until you graduate?” My mom turned to me.

“Well it’s not just a phase,” I said. “I’m…I’m going to see about starting hormones soon. I already have an appointment.”

“I’m not going to sugar coat this,” She said to me. “That path you’ve chosen is…not an easy one. At AG you’re living in a sort of bubble. It’s much worse out there than you think.”

“I…I’ve actually been wondering about that,” I said. “Everyone here is so…accepting. I really don’t understand because statistically, at least one person should have been against me.”

“It has a lot to do with the quality of people that are accepted into Alpha Gamma,” My sister explained to me. “Thorough background checks are carried out and there are pretty extensive interviews.”

“I don’t remember getting an interview,” I frowned. “I just remember getting chewed out when I came to get my book – which I don’t think they had, by the way.”

“Well that was part of it,” My sister explained. “But a lot of it was them talking to us and learning more about you. I came here the day after you rushed. I insisted on being the one to take your pledge and believe me, when I got here, they asked me a LOT of questions. I mean seriously, they must have an entire book on you by now.”

“I got a lot of questions too,” My mother confirmed. “They pretty much asked for everything but your dental records.”

“It really helps that you’re a legacy, though,” Brianna pointed out. “Without that, I don’t think any of this would have happened.”

“Not in a million years,” Mom said. “But even if you weren’t part of AG, Brianna and I still would have supported you. This is just a bonus.”

“Well,” Brianna clapped her hands. “They’re going to want you out there to help welcome in the new pledges, so why don’t you leave mom and I to talk and you take care of house business, okay?”

I nodded and smiled.

“Okay,” I said as I hugged my mom for what really felt like the first time, ever. I left them alone in the conference room and I could hear their voices as I closed the door. I kind of wanted to stay and listen but that just wasn’t the kind of person I was anymore. I smiled to myself as I realized how much I’d changed in the last month and walked down the hall, back to the front room where Remy was standing on the stairs, just as she had the night she’d literally outed me to the entire house.

“As you know,” I walked in just as she began to speak. “We have a continuous open bidding system as allowed by Panhellenic, and it means that we have the freed om to welcome new girls into our midst even after rush week. So, you’ll be glad to know that eight new girls have been brought on, finally filling our quota gap!”

I clapped along with everyone else, but I couldn’t help but wonder if the part about the quota gap was even necessary. I shrugged and continued to listen to her.

“Okay so just like before we’ll have a brief pinning ceremony and then we’ll get on with our night so you can have a chance to get to know the new pledges and fill them in on how we do things here!”

Remy stepped down from the stairs and wandered off into the common room where the couches and chairs had already been moved aside. I smiled a bit, remember how scared I had been when I’d been part of this ceremony. It was funny to think that I’d been standing there terrified while every other girl was having the time of their lives.

“Okay everyone!” Laura clapped to get everyone’s attention. “If I could get the new pledges over here please, and if everyone else could stand…over there. We’ll get this underway!”

I watched the eight new girls as they made their way into the common room for the ceremony, and then, suddenly, my heart stopped. She passed right by me without recognizing me, but how long could that last? It was Stephanie Williams, my old nextdoor neighbor. She had been accepted as a pledge. Oh my god.

Synopsis: Allison finally reveals herself to Stephanie, but how will she react?

“Before we have the pinning ceremony,” Remy said, walking to the front of the row. The pledges were facing eachother just as we had during our pinning ceremony. It was a moment that would be seared into my mind for the rest of my life. “There’s a point that I really want to go over first. As you know, Alpha Gamma is an extremely diverse sorority and we believe strongly in furthering the cause of equality. As such, we’re proud to claim the organization’s first transgender pledge.”

Once again, as I should have expected, there was a lot of murmuring, just like before. I cringed a little bit; there was always the chance that at least one person wouldn’t like it, and then what? It was doubtful that one single person could jeopardize my position here. Then again, I didn’t really have a position here; I was just a pledge.

“Wait, what does that mean exactly?” Someone asked. I looked over, it was Stephanie. Stephanie Williams, the girl I’d grown up next to for practically my entire life. “You mean we’d be living with…a guy?”

“She’s not considered to be a guy,” Remy explained. “She’ll be undergoing hormone treatments soon and over the past three weeks she’s proven herself—”

“Wait, no,” Stephanie said, suddenly stepping out of line. “I wanted to join a sorority, not a co-ed frat. I can’t do this.”

“Stephanie,” Laura said, stepping forward. “Maybe if you just meet her you’ll see that—”

“What’s there to see?” Stephanie demanded. “You’re a sorority and you let a GUY in. That’s just…that’s wrong!”

“Allison,” Remy beckoned to me. “Come over here please.”

I was frozen in place. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak. My stomach was starting to feel light, numb, like I was about to collapse and literally eat the floor. My mother had literally just warned me that something like this could happen. Where was she now? Where was Brianna? They were in the house right?

“Hey Allison?” Laura said, walking over to me. “We need you over here, hon.”

“This is Allison,” Remy introduced me to Stephanie as Laura walked me over. I must have looked like a mental patient, honestly. I couldn’t even walk under my own power. “As you can see, she’s just like any other girl here.”

“I don’t get it,” Stephanie said, looking me over. “You’re telling me this is a guy?”

Remy looked at me expectantly and raised an eyebrow, almost as if to tell me it was time to start speaking up for myself. She was right.

“I…I’m a girl,” I said timidly. “My name is…my name is Allison.”

“But you have a penis, right?” She demanded.

“I mean I…yeah…but –“

“Um there’s no BUT here,” Stephanie crossed her arms, glaring at me. “If you have a penis you’re a guy. What happens when you move into the house and you start molesting people? You’re a guy, you can’t help it.”

“Stephanie,” Michelle said, stepping forward. “Allison has lived in the house for more than a month and she’s been perfectly well behaved. We don’t view her any differently than any other girl here. Sometimes we even forget that she’s trans.”

“Oh so you FORGET you have a guy living in the house,” Stephanie suddenly sneered. “That’s super irresponsible and you’re putting all of the girls here in danger. You know what? I can’t do this. I’m not staying in a house where you just don’t care about our safety. This is flat out disgusting.”

With that, Stephanie turned on her heel and stormed toward the front door, her heels making a clacking sound against the marble tile as she went. The event suddenly registered in my mind, and I have no idea what possessed me to do it, but I began to follow her.

“Stephanie!” I called out after her as I walked though the threshold and tore out onto the porch. She was already halfway down the walk.

“Leave me alone,” She shouted back. “If you start following me I’ll scream, then you can live out your deluded little fantasy in jail, would you like that? Maybe you’d get it in the butt!”

“Stephanie!” I shouted, this time I dropped the female façade, I screamed it out in my very, very recognizable male voice. She suddenly stopped and turned toward me, glaring at me through squinted eyes.

“Miles?” She demanded. “Is that you?”

I nodded.

“Yeah, it’s me,” I took another step toward her and I was expecting her to warm up to me at least a little, but instead she took another step back and shook her head.

“What…what are you even doing?” She demanded. “Why are you dressed like this? You’re some kind of pervert aren’t you? You could never get laid so you decided to start perving on all the sorority girls. SUCH a typical guy thing.”

“Stephanie, that’s not…why are you talking to me like this? We were really close when we were younger. We did things together, we went to movies, walked around the mall…you came over to play video games. I mean, you know I’m not a bad person. You know I wouldn’t—”

“What am I supposed to know?” Stephanie walked toward me angrily. To be honest I thought she was doing to hit me but she stopped short, maybe a foot from me. “You were always leering at me like you wanted something. Do you know how nervous you made me sometimes? And now this? You’re disgusting. Be careful girls, he probably watches you in the shower!”

It didn’t occur to me that she had yelled that last part at anyone in particular, I was too busy concentrating on her.

“Stephanie I…I wasn’t…I wasn’t leering at you. It’s just…I…”

“What?” She demanded. “What were you doing?”

“I was looking at your clothes,” I finally managed to force it out. “I liked…the way you looked in them. I guess…I was kind of jealous that I couldn’t look like that. Okay, I mean I was really jealous. It’s like…I mean…I wanted to be like you, but I couldn’t. At least I thought I couldn’t. I mean if I’d been a little more honest about my feelings with the people around me—”

“Just shut up,” She snarled. “I know what you are. You’re like half a step from raping everyone in this house. I swear to god if I ever catch you in the same bathroom as me I’ll cut your throat.”

“HEY!” I suddenly heard a voice from behind me. I spun around to see that virtually the entire house was standing on the front porch. My mother and sister were tearing down the steps in our direction. Brianna looked like she was about to murder someone. The only time I’d ever seen that look on her face was when I borrowed her iPad without permission that one time. “You presumptuous little slut! Who the HELL do you think you are?!”

I started to say something, but suddenly my mother and Remy were at my side. Mom gently placed a hand on my shoulder and Remy grabbed my left hand, squeezing it.

“Who are you to talk?” Stephanie spat at my sister. “Calling me a slut when you slept with every guy in—”

Before she could finish her sentence, Brianna literally slapped her. She just slammed a hand across her face, knocking her to the ground and sending her rolling across the lawn. She quickly scrambled to her feet, tearing off the heels that she was wearing and charged at my sister. I wanted to step forward but I felt Remy’s hand squeeze mine even harder. What was happening? WHY was this happening? Oh my god, what had I done? Before Stephanie could reach her, Brianna simply reached a hand out, placed it on her forehead and literally stuck her in place as she tried to take a swing, which missed my sister by like a mile. Remy finally let go of my hand and stepped forward, shoving Stephanie back.

“Get off our property,” She said firmly, but calmly. “Or I’ll call the police and you can live out your deluded fantasy in a jail cell. Maybe you’ll get it in the butt.”

“You haven’t heard the end of this!” Stephanie shouted as she stormed off into the night. “I swear to god you’ll regret this, especially you, you little pervert!”

“I think that’s definitely the last of it,” Remy said as she returned to me.

“Sweetie are you okay?” My mom asked, wrapping me in a hug. I wasn’t okay.

“Yeah,” I said, my voice cracking and kind of switching between male and female.

My mother gently guided me back toward the porch where the other sisters and pledges were waiting for us.

“Hey,” One of the new pledges said, stepping toward me as we walked up. “One of my best friends came out as trans last year, I totally support you and I think everyone else here does too.”

That elicited nods of approval and agreement all around.

“You’re…you’re not afraid of me?” I asked shakily. “I mean, what she said…”

“Who cares about what she said?” One of the other new pledges said. “You look like any other girl here, and you act like a girl. I’ve known you for…what, ten minutes? You’re practically dripping in femme. The way you talk, the way you carry yourself, it’s beyond obvious that you’re a girl. I feel safe with you.”

“We all feel safe with you,” Laura said as she stepped forward. “We love you, you’re one of us, okay?”

There were hugs all around, I felt safe, for the moment but I wouldn’t help this nagging feeling that was sitting at the back of my mind. After the pinning ceremony mom came over to me again.

“Hey sweetie,” She said. “I have to fly back to Washington state, if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call, okay?”

“Already?” I said, confused. “You just got here.”

“I just came out to see you honey,” She said. “I wanted you to know how proud I am of you and how happy I am that you’ve finally found yourself. Please, don’t listen to what anyone says. Listen to Brianna, listen to your sisters, they love you. But please, don’t let anyone discourage you. You’re my daughter, and you’re special.”

I nodded slowly. I was trying to believe it. She kissed me on the forehead and just like that, she was gone.

“Hey you,” Brianna said as she joined me in front of the stairs. “I think it’s time you get to bed, it’s been a long day.”

“It’s like nine,” I said. “I think I can stay up for a while longer.”

“Allison,” My sister said sternly. “You’ve had a day. Seriously, you’ve had a day and tomorrow is probably going to be more of the same – well, hopefully not more of that crap, but still, pretty busy. Get some sleep so I can wake you up early, okay?”

“Okay,” I finally agreed.

“Remember you have to shower in the morning and it’s probably about time we thought about getting you waxed.”

I hadn’t notice any hair coming in but as always, she probably knew best.

“Okay,” I said as I hugged her and made my way up the stairs. She’d been right: I was exhausted. I changed into a silk nightgown that Remy had given me and washed my makeup off. I climbed under my covers. As I often did, I kind of ran the bottoms of my feet along the satin sheets as I laid under the comforter and allowed it to envelop me. Before I knew it, I was fast asleep, but it didn’t last long, at least not from my perspective.

“Allison,” I hear Brianna’s voice and her hand shaking me. “Allison, come on, wake up.”

I slowly opened my eyes and smiled a little. The light was on, but it was pitch black outside the bedroom window.

“What’s going on? What time is it?” I turned my head and looked at the bedside clock. 3:13 in the morning. I noticed that Remy and Laura were moving around quickly behind her, going through my closet.

“Allison honey, we have to get you out of the house right now.”

Synopsis: After receiving a number of threats, Allison leaves the AG house. Meanwhile, Brianna receives the phone call she’s been dreading.

“Why are we here? What’s going on?” I demanded as Brianna and I walked into her house. Remy had basically shoved me into Brianna’s car and told her to take care of me. No one would tell me anything and I was somewhere between being pissed off and scared for my life.

“I’m going to level with you,” Brianna told me. “Stephanie…did some damage and she did it really quickly. She posted on the Bellcrest Facebook page that the AG’s have a guy living in the house, and….it sparked some anger. Some serious anger. Like, all of those girls have boyfriends in other frats and they think you’re…ugh…this is bullshit. But the whole thread is a dumpster fire.”

“You…you think they’re actually going to hurt me?” I asked. I was feeling confused and frightened; I had read about this kind of thing online but since ‘coming out’ and living in the AG house I hadn’t really experienced. If we’re being honest I was starting to think that other people were exaggerating and that the world really wasn’t as bad as they were making it out to be. Had I been wrong? Was this really happening to me?

“I don’t know,” Brianna shook her head. “But for right now you need to lay low. You’re going to stay here, don’t worry about class.”

“Hold on, wait,” I said. “When can I go back home?”

“I…I’m sorry,” Brianna said. “We have to get this sorted out first.”

“But wait, no!” I started to tear up again. “Brianna I can’t leave AG. Those are my friends, it’s the first place….it’s…it’s the first place I’ve felt like I belonged. I…no this can’t…Brianna please help me.”

“Hey, hey hey,” She sat beside me and wrapped an arm around me. “You’re going to be okay. In the morning, when people are actually awake the university will take care of it. I’ve taken screenshots so we know exactly who is making the threats, and there are a LOT of people standing up for you. I mean a LOT. The people who are against you…they’re a minority but we moved you out of the house tonight because while they ARE a minority, they can still be dangerous. No one is going to find you here, so what I need you to do is go upstairs and get ready for bed. Okay? We’re going to sort all of this out in the morning.”

“Okay,” I finally said. I trudged up the stairs, still wearing the nightgown I’d been in at the AG house; they hadn’t even given me time to change. They’d just packed a few bags for me and sent me out the door. I missed my friends; I’d been so used to having Laura and Michelle down the hall, and Remy always ready to talk. I missed my big sister.

I went to the room I’d stayed in for the week before she’d driven me to my new dorm, though on the way there I paused briefly at her door. I remembered that during that week, pretty much every single time she’d gone to work I’d spent time standing in her walk-in closet sifting through her clothes, and even trying some of them on. It was a little weird, because she was my sister but…well, you know why I did it. Now I was standing here in her house, as the woman I’d always wanted to be. I had my own clothes, I had my own makeup, my name was Allison…things can change so quickly. The last three weeks had been full of wonder but they had taken a sharp left turn so quickly. I closed my eyes briefly and walked past her door, sitting on the bed in her guest room. It didn’t take long for her to walk upstairs holding a pink mug. She smiled as she handed it to me.

“Hot chocolate,” She said. “I even put extra marshmallows in it for you.”

I gave a weak smile and took a sip; it was wonderful. Probably the only silver lining from this horrible experience.

“Look,” She said. “I know this is…bad, but we’re going to get it sorted out. The university has a zero tolerance policy for hate speech so you’ll be back in the AG house before you know it. This is just for a few days, okay?”

I nodded, trying to believe it. It was honestly hard for me to believe that this wasn’t just the beginning of the entire thing falling apart around me. I finished the hot chocolate and Brianna took the cup downstairs. She reappeared a few minutes later and told me to get into bed. The last few weeks had been weird; before I never would have tolerated my sister telling me to go to bed but…

“You’re going to be okay,” She said. “We’ll get this sorted out in the morning, I promise.”

“Brianna?” I kind of sniffled. “I…I don’t want to be alone.”

She thought for a moment and nodded.

“Alright hon,” She said. “Come on.”

She took my hand and led me back down the hall to her room – a place I was very familiar with. She pulled her satin sheets back for me and I climbed into the queen-sized bed, melting into the comforter, exhausted. She switched the light off and climbed into the other side. The last thing I remember before I passed out was her saying: “Hey, don’t sweat all over my bed, okay?”

I think I let her down on that one; I had nightmares. Real nightmares unlike anything I’d experienced in a long time. Deep in the night I dreamed that I was a boy again, and that all of my girl clothes had been taken away. It wasn’t that it has happening in the dream that made it so scary, it was that in my dream it was being done to me by the people I loved. I knew of course that my mother and Brianna would never do anything like that to me, but the feeling of fear and hate barely subsided even as I opened my eyes the next morning. The room was illuminated in a gray light, outside rain was pouring onto the gables, eliciting a roaring sound as each drop slammed against the asphalt roof. It was like a metaphor for my life right now.

I climbed out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. I relived myself and wandered down the stairs where Brianna was busying herself at the stove. On her kitchen island there was a plate of bacon, toast, bagels, a pitcher of orange juice, and a few eggs, sunny side up just like I liked them.

“Hey sleepyhead,” She said. “I made breakfast -- oh and Allison, you’re not at the AG house but for god’s sake, do your hair and makeup.”

At the AG house Brianna would never let me show my face downstairs unless I was wearing makeup. I guess it was the same here. I kind of smiled; at least some things never change, right?

“Sorry,” I said. “I guess I—”

“It’s alright,” She waved her hand as she brought a few plates over to the table. I moved the pitcher of orange juice over center and walked to the cupboard to grab some glasses. As we ate, she filled me in on what was happening with the University.

“Okay,” She said. “So for the most part it’s been worked out. The dean was really, really pissed and is pursuing disciplinary action against the people who made the threats. I talked to Remy and a lot of the girls in AG are seriously rethinking their relationships. Not to mention some of the fraternities are rethinking their member base.”

“They’re doing all of that…for me?” I asked, really confused.

“Not so much for you,” She shook her head. “It just showed them that they have a lot of snakes in their midst, most of them don’t want to be known as anti-LGBT fraternities. We’re not going to move you back in today; I want to wait a few days to make sure it all blows over but so far it’s looking really good.”

I smiled, that was great news. I had been starting to think that I would never see the inside of the AG house again. Outside, the storm worsened and a thunderclap shook the house briefly.

“I love the rain,” Brianna smiled. “Remember how much you loved it when you were a kid? I remember when you used to lay on the upstairs couch during storms and just stare up at the ceiling. Like, until you are ten. Then you suddenly started hating storms, you complained about them all the time. What happened there?”

I shook my head and smiled a bit.

“We got satellite TV,” I laughed. “The rain interferes with the signal, couldn’t watch my shows.”

We both laughed for a moment at the absurdity of it all and how those problems that seemed huge back then were pretty stupid now, by comparison. I was eighteen years old and already dealing with some serious adult problems. God, I wished I could go back to the days when I just listened to the rain.

As we finished eating Brianna’s phone rang, she glanced at the caller ID and excused herself. I busied myself with clearing off the table. Since living at the AG house I’d become almost obsessive about doing the dishes; it was something that had been expected of me and several of the girls had painstakingly shown me how to do them properly whether I was putting them in the dishwasher or doing them by hand. One of the requirements was that the sink had to be empty and the rest of the kitchen had to be pristine by the end of the night. I smiled sadly as I remembered a time when Laura had discovered a glass I’d left on the counter and chastised me over it for like half an hour. It sounds stupid, but at least it had made me a little cleaner. I finished putting everything away and then wondered what I should do for the rest of the day. I had my laptop; I could play some games but lately I really hadn’t felt like playing Elder Scrolls Online. I had been so immersed in the Greek social calendar and now I was kind of mourning the fact that I wasn’t part of it. I mean, Brianna had a lot of things to do here; there was Netflix, and there was her PS4 and huge collection of games that either of us had barely touched, though back in the day she’d been a serious RPG enthusiast. I guess her play time had decreased significantly but her tendency to collect games hadn’t. What was I supposed to do then? The next few days were going to be hell.

“Allison?” Brianna appeared at the edge of the kitchen and stared at me, a very serious look on her face.

“Yeah?” I said, looking at her confused.

“Come over here, sit on the couch with me, I want to talk to you.”

I froze in place for a moment. That tone of voice she was using; something was wrong, really wrong.

“Brianna?” I said questioningly.

“Over here,” She said, gesturing toward the couch in the living room. I crossed the room, stepping from the marble kitchen floor onto the carpet and set on her pleather couch. She sat down gently beside me and half-turned to look at me, placing her hands in mine.

“What’s going on?” I said. “Who called you just now?’

“Allison,” She said with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, but Panhellenic just called me…it was Amanda Geer. They heard about the incident and Stephanie called them to complain. They…they’re saying that having you in the house is too much of a liability. Effective immediately, they’ve pulled your membership to Alpha Gamma.”

Synopsis: Allison contemplates her fate and makes an unexpected revelation

“Allie? Allie?” I heard Brianna speaking to me but her voice seemed so far away. The sound of the rain had been drowned out by an inner despair that was building up inside me and overtaking my very being. I felt detached; numb, like nothing mattered. Nothing mattered. Nothing ever did matter. I felt her touching my arm, trying to get some sort of response from me but I wanted nothing. I wanted to be no one. I wanted my world to fade away into nothingness. I wanted to simply evaporate from that couch and fade away from reality. I was so empty, I was meaningless.

“ALLIE!” I heard Brianna scream.

I looked up at hear slowly with singing, aching eyes. I had drawn my legs up to my body on the couch and I had been rocking back and forth slowly, I don’t know why. I met her gaze but it seemed so…far off. Was she there? Was I there?

“Allie, come on, talk to me,” She said insistently. “It’s not over, we can appeal this, I promise. Allie?”

“I’m…I’m not a girl,” I muttered quietly. “I never…I never…”

“Allie stop it, don’t say that. You’re just as much of a woman as I am." I shook my head violently and began to slowly rise from the couch, stumbling backwards as lighting flashed outside the bay window. Brianna stood up and approached me slowly, probably ready to stop me if I did anything stupid, but what did I care if she…what did I care?

“I’m sorry,” I said to her, staring right through her rather than at her. “I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough.”

“No, Allie,” She said urgently. “You are good enough. You’re better than good enough, you’re extraordinary. You’re everything I could ever want in a sister and you’re going to continue being my sister even if this doesn’t get worked out. I love you, we’re family. We have a bond that can’t be broken, don’t you understand that? You don’t have to be an Alpha Gamma for me to love you.”

She was crying, I was crying I guess but I just felt so numb. I couldn’t handle it. I turned and bolted toward the stairs as quickly as I could, stumbling and nearly falling to the floor a few times a I went. I heard her screaming after me, I heard the pounding of her socked feet against the carpeted floor as I ascended the stairs and burst into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. With a click of the lock I was alone, save for her pounding on the door from the hallway.

“Allie, Allie open the door,” She screamed. “Come on, just let me in, we need to talk. ALLIE!”

I stared at myself in her mirror, my face was tear stained and my hair was tangled from sleep. Those hair extensions; the weave that they had put in for me. I wasn’t a girl. I wasn’t. I screamed loudly and began to tear the bathroom apart looking for scissors of some kind. A knife, ANYTHING. There was nothing in here, why was there nothing in here? I pulled the drawers out of the vanity and dropped them onto the floor, falling down once and stoving my finger beneath the drawer as it slammed into the floor. I screamed in pain, drawing more frantic shouting from Brianna outside the door. There was nothing sharp enough in here, so I stood in front of the mirror and began yanking at my extensions. They had to come loose, they had to. I wasn’t a girl. I was an imposter, a fake. I needed to stop deluding myself.

“Allie, please, open the door!” She was pleading now, I could hear the desperation in her voice but I had created an impenetrable barrier between us. It was like she had been cordoned off into another reality; I didn’t deserve her. I didn’t deserve anyone. I had lied to myself, how could I be a girl? One of the extensions began to come loose; I could see a droplet of blood running down my scalp. I screamed in pain and threw myself against the back wall of the bathroom, then regained my balance and continued pulling. Suddenly, the bathroom door burst open and Brianna bounded in. Of course, she had a key.

“Allie what the hell are you doing?!” She shrieked. There was just enough room, I shot past her slipping on a pile of sanitary pads that had fallen onto the floor during my search. She managed to grab me briefly, but I broke free, stumbling into the hallway, bouncing off of the walls like a ping pong ball until I finally slid past the landing and stumbled down the stairs. “Oh Jesus you’re going to kill yourself!”

I shot back down in to the kitchen; I had to get out of the house. I had to run. I couldn’t be here. I couldn’t be Allison. I couldn’t be anyone. As I started to bolt toward the nearest door, I suddenly felt her from behind. She spun me around by the shoulder and literally shoved me to the ground, onto the marble tile and pinned my wrists above my head, pressing her thumbs forward so that they ground into the bone just below my palms. I screamed. I screamed loud. I screamed even louder when she drove a knee into my stomach and pinned me like I was nothing.

I looked up at her with blurred vision, she wasn’t quite glaring, she was just sitting there, out of breath and looking horrified.

“Brianna just let me go, please let me go,” I wailed.

“Shut your god damn mouth,” She hissed. “Look at you, you’re bleeding, what the hell is wrong with you? Is this how an Alpha Gamma girl acts?”

“I’m not an Alpha Gamma girl!” I sobbed. “I’m not even a girl.”

“You ARE a girl,” She insisted. “And you know what? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that all these years I couldn’t see the pain you were feeling inside. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you, I wasn’t a shoulder to cry on. I am so, SO sorry that I wasn’t there for you to talk to but god dammit woman I’m here now and you’re going to talk to me. This isn’t fair to me you little shit. This isn’t fair to me at ALL. I JUST got a new little sister, do you know how long I’ve wanted a little sister? Do you have any idea? Do you know how happy I was to find out that you were here all along? Now that we’re both here, we’re going to talk, we’re going to get to know eachother, and we’re going to figure this whole thing out. Don’t dismiss me just because things didn’t go your way.

“It’s…it’s not just that,” I said, trying to shift a little, but Brianna had me pinned; I couldn’t move an inch, it even hurt to move my fingers. I gave her a pained look, but she refused to release her grip on me.

“Then what is it?” She demanded. “Explain it to me.”

“What are they going to think of me? What is Remy going to think? I couldn’t make it…I couldn’t even become a full sister after that put so much work…into me.”

“Allie, why do you care that much? I know it’s Alpha Gamma but you can graduate without being in a sorority; there are so many other things that you can do with your life. Yeah, mom and I were happy that you made it into the house and we were really, really proud that you stuck it out, but you getting kicked out? That’s not your fault. You stuck through, you stayed the course, and you would have finished. You may STILL finish, this isn’t over. Don’t worry about disappointing Remy.”

“But I am worried about it,” I sobbed.

“Why?” She demanded insistently.

“BECAUSE I LOVE HER!” I screamed, trying again to force my way out of the sister’s grip. The look on her face turned into one of realization but instead of loosening up she bore down harder on me, making sure I couldn’t move a muscle.

“What?” She said. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I’m in fucking love with her! I love everything about her and I want her to love me but I know that can never happen because she’s my big sister and she’s the president and…and I can’t start anything with anyone in the house. I just want to make her happy and doing well in AG is the ONLY thing I have! It’s not fair! None of this is fucking fair!”

“Okay you know what?” My sister said as she maintained a firm grip on me. “I think it’s damn fair.”

“What?” I shook my head. “How can you say that?”

“Oh it’s really easy,” She growled. “Look at everything you have! You might not have Alpha Gamma, the house, but you have all the friendships that you made there. You made friends that you’re going to have for LIFE. You have Remy, Laura, Cassandra, Michelle. You have a renewed relationship with me and mom, you have yourself. You have a support network that most trans people would kill to have and yet you’re still sitting here acting like you have it worse than anyone in the world? You’re worth a lot, Allison. You’re worth more than just the title of Alpha Gamma sister. You’re a beautiful young lady and you have a huge, bright future ahead of you full of people who love you. I want you to fucking repeat it back to me, tell me you’re beautiful.”

“I…” I couldn’t say it, but she more down on me harder and stared at me intently. “I’m beautiful.”

“Say it again!”

“I’m beautiful!”

“You’d better fucking believe it,” She said. “I’m going to let you up, are you going to act like a sane person?”

I tried to nod but I could barely move my head, so she just let up a little bit. She moved back and pulled me up into a sitting position, taking me into her arms as I wailed into her chest.

“It’s okay,” She reassured, me, stroking the back of my head. “It’s going to be okay, I promise. We’re going to work this out and even if it doesn’t go the way we want it, we’re going to figure something out. You’re still going to go to school and you’re still going to be Allison. Okay?’

“Okay,” I sniffled and continue letting her hold me. Despite everything, it felt good to be loved. Suddenly, I felt her look up, toward the kitchen entryway.

“Um, Remy?” She said. “How…long have you been there?”

Synopsis: Remy is forced to accept some hard truths about Alpha Gamma while Allison tries to figure out what kind of person she really is.

“Um, Remy?” She said. “How…long have you been there?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Remy said dismissively. “Allison, you’re bleeding, what happened?”

“I…” I trailed off, still holding Brianna tightly.

“Okay, we’ll deal with that in a minute. There are a few things I need to talk to both of you about so…”

Brianna patted me on the arm and motioned for me to stand up. As we sat down at the table, she patted my forehead down with a damp towel to clear up the blood, though I had the feeling it wasn’t going to just go away. What had I done to myself?

“She’s going to need stitches,” Brianna remarked. “We’ll have to drive her to the hospital really soon, before this gets infected.”

“Yeah, I agree,” Remy said as she examined my head. “Allison, you can’t do things like this, seriously. I know you’re upset and hurt but my god, think before you act, okay?”

“I just…I don’t feel like…I mean, they made me feel like less of a woman I guess,” I tried to explain. Remy looked at me sympathetically and laid a hand on my knee.

“That’s what I’m here to talk to you about,” She said. “First and foremost, you’re a woman, Allison, as much of a woman as any I’ve seen, even if you have blood running down your face and you haven’t put your makeup on. Secondly, I filed an appeal on your behalf.”

“I was hoping you’d do that,” Brianna said as she leaned against the table, putting her hands out in front of her. “It’s not going to be easy, though. I feel like they did this on purpose.”

“You know,” Remy nodded. “It kind of feels like they let her in with the intention of letting her go as soon as something went wrong – and it did. Normally with a situation like this Panhellenic would investigate before they took such a drastic action. In this case, they didn’t and we all know why. They want to push this under the rug and forget that Allison even exists. It won’t look bad, they can make it go away as long as the chapter doesn’t complain, and they know we won’t because we could lose our charter, and in some cases, our scholarships if Panhellenic decides to make it look like we were complicit. It also depends on Allison not complaining because she pretty much feels defeated at this point.”

“So what are you saying?” Brianna demanded. “Are you saying you guys are just going to sit back and let this happen?”

“No,” Remy shook her head. “We had a conference early this morning about what we would do. All of the active members are in favor of coming forward. We don’t appreciate being used like this and we don’t appreciate them throwing Allison under the bus.”

“That’s…pretty bold,” Brianna said. I was listening but I wasn’t quite sure what was happening here. What did it even mean?

“It’s a risk,” Remy agreed. “And you know that Allison is going to have to pull her weight or this is all for nothing. Can you do that, Allison?”

Both Remy and Brianna stared at me. I had no idea what to say. What did they even want me to do?

“Okay, Allison,” Brianna said to me, leaning in a little bit. “Remy filed an appeal on your behalf with Panhellenic. That means you’re going to need to speak in front of the board. Can you do that?”

“I…I guess,” I said. “What should I say?”

“Can’t really tell you that,” Remy said. “Just make sure it’s good, because all of our lives are depending on it.”

“I want you to understand,” Brianna said to me as she stared directly into my eyes. “While I 100% agree with what they’re doing for you, you need to recognize that they’re taking a huge risk. This could get the chapter dissolved or at least placed under massive restrictions. I mean, no pressure but you didn’t pledge to Panhellenic, you pledged to your sisters and those sisters are about to go to bat for you. This is what it’s all about. Are you ready?”

“I think so,” I nodded. “I mean I…”

“Over the next few days you need to come up with what you’re going to say and you need to make it good. You need to give them a reason to let you back in because in a way, you’re literally fighting for trans rights. This is big, Allison, really big, and I want you to know that I’m so proud of you for taking it on.”

“Thank you…Brianna,” I nodded. “I just hope I don’t screw it up.”

“In about a week you’ll need to fly out to Indiana,” Remy said. “I’m going to go with you. Brianna will come with us too. You’re not going to be alone.”

“Indiana?” I said. “That’s…why?”

“That’s where our house is headquarter, Allison,” Brianna told me. “You’re going to go stand before the board and you’re going to give them a speech. Speak from the heart, be yourself. It’s going to be intimidating but please, remember we’re here for you. I’ll see if I can get mom to fly out too, okay?”

“Now with that aside,” Remy said as she inspected my head. “We’re going to have to get you to the hospital like, right now. Oh, and please, don’t do this again, we don’t want you to go to National looking like a Ragedy Anny doll, okay?”

Brianna shook her head and helped me to my feet. She had me change into a pair of sweats before taking me outside, and thankfully her car was in the garage, so we didn’t have to walk through the rain. They loaded me into the back seat and Remy chose to sit with me rather than riding up front with Brianna; that was a nice touch. As Brianna drove us further into town I listened in silence to the sound of the rain splattering against the windshield and zoned in on the cars passing us. Water sloshing against tires and the hum of the road beneath the chassis. For a little while, just a little, I was able to enjoy the rain again, and I had my sister, and Remy to thank for it.

“We’re here,” Brianna announced as she pulled under the emergency room awning. “Take her in, I’ll catch up with you.”

At the front desk, Remy explained why we were there. She simply explained to the receptionist that I’d gotten my hair caught in a car door and tried to pull it out. That was as good of an explanation as any.

“Okay, let’s fill out these forms,” Remy said as we sat down and she began reading over the clipboard. “Your name is…oh yeah, Miles Parsons. Do you know your social security number?”

I cringed a little at hearing my old name, I don’t think she noticed. I gave her all the information as Brianna finally walked through the door and took a seat beside us.

“Uh, insurance?” Remy asked. Brianna handed an insurance card across to Remy to attach to the clipboard. Why did she have my insurance card? I was on Mom’s insurance yeah, but…I felt like they controlled like every aspect of my life sometimes. Okay, I guess in some ways they did and I think I was enjoying it to an extent; maybe I liked being coddled but I also recognized that it was coming to an end. I was going to have to stand in front of National and speak. They were actually depending on me, and it didn’t feel good.

“You good?” Brianna asked, looking across me at Remy.

“Yeah, we’ve got this,” Remy said as she stood and carried the clipboard back up to the receptionist. We sat there and waited for a bit and fortunately the waiting room wasn’t very busy.

“Miles?” A nurse called out. I stood and expected to walk back there by myself, but Brianna stood with me and squeezed my hand. I looked to Remy who remained seated and smiled at me encouragingly.

We followed the nurse down a brief hallway and were eventually directed to a small curtained off section. I sat on the bed while Brianna took the chair.

“Look at that,” Brianna joked after the nurse left. “First class accommodations.”

“Mmm I kinda like the AG house better,” I said.

“Better than my house?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Well…” I trailed off. She laughed. It was good that we were able to laugh.

“Okay, Miles!” The doctor said as he walked in with a clipboard. “So you got your hair caught in a car door?”

“Yeah,” I answered using my feminine voice.

“Well, let’s take a look young man,” He said. Brianna scowled at him but he didn’t seem to take notice.

“Excuse me, doctor?” Brianna spoke up. “My sister identifies as a female.”

The doctor ignored her as he examined my head.

“We’ll just wash that out with antibiotics and stitch it up,” He said. “Give me one second.”

He briefly left the room and Brianna mouthed ‘Are you okay?’ at me. I nodded. I wasn’t okay. The doctor and nurse returned, quickly numbing the wound and stitching it up. I barely felt a thing, but throughout the entire procedure he constantly referred to me as ‘he’. I didn’t get it. I was wearing girl’s sweats, I had long hair and I sounded like a girl; or at least I thought I did. What the hell was wrong with this guy.

“Okay, Mr. Parsons,” The doctor finally said. “You’re ready to go. Try to keep your hair out of car doors – even though we both know that’s not what really happened.”

“EXCUSE ME,” Brianna finally stood up from the chair and glared at the doctor. “Why are you calling my sister a man?”

“I’m just going by what’s on the paperwork,” The doctor said. “And his ID says male. I’m going to go by his ID, and what’s obviously on the birth certificate.”

“Allison, let’s go,” Brianna said, taking me by the arm and guiding me out of the emergency room. “What a crock of shit.”

“We ready to go?” Remy asked as we walked out.

“Yeah, we’re ready,” Brianna growled as we passed her and she joined us.

“What happened back there?” Remy asked, confused.

“Douchebag doctor kept calling her a man,” Brianna said. “I’m filing a complaint. This is bullshit.”

“Okay so on the bright side,” Remy said. “Your hair looks pretty good. We can cover that scar up. I’m only saying that because you need to look good if you’re going to go in front of national. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Have to make a good impression.”

“That’s right,” Brianna said. “There’s a lot riding on this but you have some time to figure it all out. For now, let me go get the car so we can go get something to eat.”

“Where should we go?” Remy asked. “I like Steak n Shake but sometimes I can’t figure out if they have more than two employees working. Um, what about Dennys?”

“Too greasy,” Brianna said. “What about a buffet?”

“Are you crazy?” Remy said as she raised an eyebrow. “I need to keep weight off and you’re going to take me to a place where I can just shove food into my cock holster for hours on end?”

“Did…you just call your mouth a cock holster?” I asked.

“What? No,” Remy said dismissively. “Okay what about that Chinese place up by the mall?”

“I like Chinese,” I said, tying to be helpful.

“I don’t want to be hungry again in half an hour,” Brianna said.

As they argued about food I couldn’t help but concentrate on my impending doom. Was I going to screw this up? The chances of me being re-admitted were slim, and the worry began to creep into my mind. This could be the beginning of the end.

Synopsis: Insert a bunch of words here that relate to the text that you’re about to read.

“Allison! Allison wake up!” Brianna said cheerily as she tore back the curtains and bathed my face in the morning light. “Look at that, the sun has been up for HOURS. My god were you going to sleep all day?”

“I was trying,” I said, yawning.

“Well too bad, lazybones,” She said with a slight grin on her face. “We have to take you to get waxed and you have your first laser hair removal appointment today. Are you ready?”

“Wait,” I said. “What are you talking about? I didn’t schedule that.”

“Yeah, but I did,” She said smugly. “Come on, get up, get showered, I’ll make breakfast, you’re going to have a great day.”

“I’m not sure how I can have a great day,” I muttered. “I mean with all this…”

“Come on, sis,” She said, suddenly she was tossing my covers aside and pulling me out of bed. I groaned as my feet hit the carpet and she helped me up as if I were a rag doll. Why was she so much stronger than me? Seriously? How much did this bitch work out? “Go, go, go! I already picked out an outfit for you!”

I walked into the bathroom and got washed up. On the back of the door I could see the outfit she’d picked for me; just white blouse and a black shirt; nice. I dressed and brushed my hair with a wide-tooth comb; I couldn’t do any better than that without pulling at my stitches but fortunately my hair was pretty smooth. I paused for a moment and wondered whether or not I should do my makeup; no, probably not if I was going for laser hair removal, right? I shrugged and walked out of the bathroom, only to find Brianna standing in the hall. She pointed at the bathroom door.

“Makeup,” She said simply. I turned and walked back into the bathroom. “I know it’s a hassle but you’re going to feel better with it on.”

I kind of sighed and did as she said, happy that I was at least getting better at it. Maybe all of this unnecessary practice was actually paying off. Who knew, right.

“Okay, come on, come on,” She hurried me as I walked out of the bathroom “We’ve got a full day ahead of us!”

“What,” I said. “You mean the laser thing?”

“Yeah, that and other things,” She said, directing me downstairs and toward the garage. I never had time to do anything on my own anymore, I swear. Was I complaining? Well no, probably not. I thought for a moment that maybe she was trying to keep my mind off of things by keeping my schedule clear and then I wondered how exactly she had taken so much time off of work. Did she take a vacation? No, that wasn’t any of my business. I took the passenger seat and sat there silently as she listened to public radio. At least it wasn’t raining today.

We finished with the waxing pretty quickly and then moved on to the laser hair removal which was less of an ordeal than I thought it would be. It turns out that the first session is just a sample spot examined by a doctor who would determine if you had an adverse reaction. She said I got a good result and then scheduled my next session. It didn’t bother me much but you know, that laser hurt a bit so I had to wonder what it would feel like when they were running it over my entire face. Maybe that was something I didn’t really want to think about.

“So where to next?” I asked Brianna as I walked out of the back and we headed out to her car once again.

“I booked us a spa day,” She said. “We’re going to get a massage, facials, the whole nine yards.”

“We are?” I said. “I…don’t I have to get naked for that?”

“You just got naked at the salon,” She said. “It’s not that much different.”

“Well yeah but…I’ve been there before. They knew what to expect.”

“You’re going to be fine, sis,” She said. “Look; I want you to enjoy today. I really do, because the days ahead are going to be difficult for you. I think you’re going to overcome and pull through, and I’ll be there EVERY step of the way but this is going to be a lot for you; do you understand?”

“Yeah, I do, I mean I think I do,” I said. She nodded slowly as she pulled out of the parking lot and took the exit ramp onto the freeway.

“Allie,” She said. “You…when I drove you to your dorm a little over a month ago you were a kid. Seriously, you had no idea what the world was like and if we’re being honest I didn’t really care if you found out or not. I though you were so rude and I couldn’t wait for you to grow up a little. Well guess what…you grew up. I’m kind of sad to think about how much more growing you’re about to do. Things are…going to change. I want to know you and love you as you are for a little while, if you can understand.”

“I think so,” I said. “I feel different…than I did before I came here and did all of this.”

“You are, and I’m sorry you had to experience so much so quickly, but there’s no going back now. Let’s just enjoy today, okay?”

“Okay.”

The spa visit was about what I had expected but I’d never experience anything like that firsthand. By the time we were done my body felt absolutely amazing. I was light as a feather and I think I practically skipped to the car. It was 4:40 PM by the time we were done with everything and Brianna called ahead to order pizza as we sped back toward her house.

“You still like banana peppers, right?” She asked me as she spoke to the pizza shop. I nodded and she continued with the order.

“Okay yeah,” She said. “I’d like…five…no make that six, six is good.”

“Jesus, Brianna,” I said. “We’re not feeding an army.”
“I like left overs,” She shrugged and then went back to her order, detailing every single pizza. I kind of rolled my eyes and stared out the window, as the scenery went by. “You going to get that?”

“Huh?” I looked at her quizzically and then noticed that my phone was ringing. I had no idea how long it had been doing that. “Oh…yeah…”

Without even bothering to check the caller ID I slid the green answer button to the right and said hello.

“Hello,” A voice on the other end said. “Is this Allison Parsons?”

“Yes, may I ask whose calling?” I said as politely as I could. Somehow my sister and all of AG had politeness into me over the last month and taught me to answer all questions in kind of a non-committal, upbeat tone. I thought it was stupid at first but after a while I realized that it really did sound more feminine.

“This is Malcom Hendrick, Dean of Students at Bellcrest, how are you doing today? I needed to talk to you about the incident that occurred…a few days ago. You know, just to get some of the facts from you, you’re not in trouble, we just need to make sure everything’s cleared up, can you stop by tomorrow?”

“Uh…yeah, I can do that,” I said kind of quietly. I’d seen the dean around but the fact that he was speaking to me? That was different. Why did he need to talk to me specifically? What was going on?

“Thank you Ms. Parsons,” He said. “I’ll see you tomorrow at three PM, if that’s alright?”

“Yes, that sounds fine,” I said, hanging up the phone.

“Who was that?” Brianna asked curiously, pulling into her driveway and opening the garage door.

“It was…the Dean…he wants to talk to me tomorrow about the…incident.”

“That’s not surprising,” Brianna said. “It made the news.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah,” She said, as she threw the car in park and we climbed out into the garage. “It was posted on the University’s webpage so like five different new agencies got ahold of it. Stephanie gave them your old name so people have been asking around about you. I…didn’t tell you because you’ve had enough on your plate, but the whole thing went nationwide. It started a huge debate. It’s not really a new thing because there are a lot of sororities allowing trans girls in now, but it was a big deal because it was Alpha Gamma. AG has been kind of a stickler about tradition, so people are wondering exactly how this happened. I’ve been fielding phone calls for the past few days, people want to interview you.”

“Oh my god,” I whispered. “What…the…hell?”

“It’s not something you need to worry about today,” She said. “But, when you go in to talk to the dean tomorrow I’m going with you. I don’t want you to get swarmed.”

“I can’t believe…how did I not know this?” I was so confused.

“Did you check the news at all?” She asked. “Haven’t you noticed how busy I’ve kept you?”

“I…guess…” I probably should have been mad at her but I couldn’t be. I kind of felt like she was right.

“Let’s just get inside, watch a movie and have some pizza. You can worry about the world tomorrow, okay? I want you to just…enjoy tonight. Like I said, the days ahead are going to be rough.”

I let it go for the moment and walked into the house.

“Hey, what movie are we going to watch?” I called out to Remy. She had so many, and we had Netflix. How were we supposed to choose?

“I’m thinking like maybe ‘The Babysitter’, it’s a really good Netflix Original, or maybe we could go with a chick flick?” She called from the other room. As she was shouting out to me, the doorbell rang. “Hey that’s the pizza, can you go get that?”

“Yeah,” I called back and made my way from the living room to the front door. I unlocked the deadbolt and pulled the door open; it wasn’t the pizza. “Remy? Laura? Cassandra? Um…all of AG? What are you guys doing there?”

“It’s movie night, bitch,” Remy said as she gave me a hug and pushed past me followed by pretty much all of the AG girl who gave me a hug as they passed by. What the hell was going on?

“Heyyyy!” Brianna said as she met them by the stairs. “Thank you SO much for coming!”

“Are you kidding me?” Laura laughed. “We’ve been wanting to come since it happened.”

“Allison,” Michelle said, turning to me. “You’re our sister, even if you were just a pledge. We’re not going to leave you behind, okay?”

“I…I….thank you,” I said. “I was starting to feel lost without you guys…”

“Don’t worry,” Laura smiled to me. “You have your appeal coming up and you’re going to nail it, okay? In the meantime let’s just watch some movies and pretend everything’s fine, it’ll be great.”

“Well…what are we going to watch?” I asked. “I mean we have so many things to choose from.”

“Oh, we could watch Greek!” A random girls suggested. Everyone turned to look at her as if she was insane.

“Okay,” Remy said. “Why don’t we stay a little bit further from real life?”

Everyone laughed. I laughed. For tonight, for just this one night, everything was going to feel normal again. Maybe for right now I didn’t have to concentrate on the feeling of impending doom that was creeping over me. But the storm was coming.

Synopsis: I’m having a bad day, so fuck actually putting anything here.

“Hello, Allison, my name is Doctor. McKee,” The huge white-coated man said to me. At least form my perspective he was huge; I wasn’t really a big person anyway was I? “What can I help you with today?’

You know what? I seriously hate it when doctors ask questions like that. They KNOW why you made the appointment, they KNOW why you’re there. It seemed to silly to make me blurt it all out once again, you know, considering my chart obviously said ‘male’ and here I was dressed as a 95% passable female.

“I’m uh…I’m looking to start hormones,” I said sheepishly. “I was uh…told that there was an informed consent thing where I can get started right away?”

“Well, not quite right away,” He admitted. “First I need to get some history from you and then we’re going to need to draw some blood to check your current hormone levels. So, I’d like to start with….how long have you felt that you were a woman?”

“Well,” I said thoughtfully “When I was a kid I always thought something was wrong, you know? I…felt like I should have been a girl, but I didn’t really grasp the full consequences. I tried on my sister’s clothes when she wasn’t at home, and…my mom had this friend who would come over sometimes; I always liked her stuff and when she would stay the night I would sneak into the living room and borrow her tops. I thought I was weird…later on when I finally got access to the internet I kind of figured out what it was all about and…I guess it took me a while to really accept that I could actually be a woman.”

“And what was it that led you to finally physically transition?” He asked curiously. I thought for a moment.

“I really wasn’t going to,” I explained. “But then I decided to rush every sorority on campus dressed in drag and it pissed enough of them off that Alpha Gamma blackmailed me into joining them, built me up just enough, and then tossed me to the curb like yesterday’s news. So are we doing the hormone thing or what?”

“Oh wait, it’s you!” Doctor McKee exclaimed. “I know you! You’ve been all over the news!”

“Yeah, so I hear,” I shrugged. “My sister’s kind of been hiding me away, has it really been that big?”

“I’d say so,” McKee nodded. “The words blackmail haven’t been thrown around but Alpha Gamma hasn’t said much about it. I really hope that turns out okay for you.”

“I have to speak in front of their board,” I explained. “But no matter what happens, I’m still a girl and that’s not something that they can change.”

“Good for you,” He said. “We’ll start by getting your blood and running some tests. If all comes back well, then we should be able to start you on hormones as early as next week.”

“That would be…awesome,” I really meant it. The idea of actually starting hormones? It was something I could scarcely imagine really.

“I need you to read over this packet then,” He said, handing me an envelope. “This basically goes over everything you need to know about starting cross-sex hormones. The side effects, dangers, you know, usual stuff. Once you read it, sign it, bring it back and you should be ready.”

I looked at the front of the packet and was nearly breathless as I read the words ‘MTF’ on the front of it. Male to Female. Someone acknowledged me. Someone official. This was happening; I was on my way to becoming a woman and not just in looks. I was going to change on the inside and despite all of the horrible things that were happening right in front of me. I finished up the appointment and thanked the doctor. Brianna was waiting for me in the lounge area reading a ‘Better Homes and Gardens’ magazine.

“I was thinking of getting a Venus fly trap,” She said. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Uh, that don’t live very long,” I shrugged. “They can close like five times before they die. A new one sprouts up but it’s kind of depressing, and you’d need a house full of flies to feed them.”

“We could start leaving windows open?” She suggested as she closed the magazine and stood to join me in walking out. “Oh, did you get your hormones?”

“I have to wait for a blood test,” I explained. “It’s complicated.”

“Medical stuff always is,” She sighed. “But I’m proud of you for coming this far. How does it feel?”

“It feels great,” I smiled as we walked through the front doors and toward her car. “Thank you so much for supporting me.”

“You’re absolutely welcome,” She said. “Let’s go to the school and talk to the Dean, alright?”

“Yeah,” I smiled, though I still have no idea what the man wanted. She drive us to the school but instead of parking in the front lot, she parked in a secondary lot that I had no idea existed. “What is this?”

“It’s just a secret entrance,” She explained. “Well sort of. Um, it’s like…it’s a maintenance hatch but they use it to bring in supplies and stuff…like tools, or food for the cafeteria. It keeps the front doors from getting too crowded. We’re going to ride the elevator up to the admin floor, it’ll be quick and easy alright?”

“Alright,” I smiled. We walked from the car to a set of steel double doors which she opened for me, and then we crossed through an underground tunnel made of cinderblock with pipes flanking us on both sides. The light inside was kind of a pee yellow and my eyes had trouble adjusting at first. Nevertheless we made it to the end and entered the elevator. Pressing the ‘5’ button, Brianna took us up to the administration level. As the doors opened onto a hallway and a waiting room, I could suddenly feel eyes upon me. I wondered, did they know who I was? Did they have recent pictures? No, that was impossible.

“Hey Cathy,” Brianna said as we approached the reception desk. “This is Allison, she’s here to see the dean, she should have an appointment?”

The receptionist regarded me carefully and then nodded.

“You’re actually right on time, hold on,” She pressed a button on her desk. “Dean Hendrick, Ms. Parsons is here to see you.”

I immediately heard murmuring behind me from the few people that were seated outside the office. They had definitely heard of me.

“Uh yeah, thanks, send her in,” I heard a male voice reply. The lady gestured toward the door and as I walked I could feel Brianna beside me still. She wasn’t going to let me walk in there alone and I didn’t want to fight her on it. I needed her. When I was a guy I was content to do things on my own but as I came into my own, as a woman, I realized I was relying more and more on other women around me. It was a big change and it wasn’t one I minded.

We passed through the wooden door and into a huge office, it kind of looked like a study, really. Books lining the walls and the dean sitting at a huge wooden desk at the front, framed by a huge picture window flanked by curtains.

“Come on, come in,” The dean said, standing up. “I’m Dean Malcom Hendricks and you must be Allison, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“It’s very nice to meet you,” I smiled as I reached out and shook his hand.

“I have a pretty packed schedule today,” He said. “So we’ll go ahead and get down to business here. You’ve been part of the Alpha Gamma house for the past…month, or so I’m led to believe?”

I nervously looked to Brianna for some support but she simply stared straight ahead. She wanted me to do this myself.

“Yes,” I replied. “Until recently, that is. They revoked my membership.”

“Did they say why?” He asked curiously.

“They said it was a liability,” I watched him think about it for a moment and then he nodded.

“That aside,” He said. “I don’t know for sure if you saw the threats that were made against you, I hear you were rushed out of the Alpha Gamma house pretty quickly and kept in seclusion, at least that’s what I was assured of. Now I want you to know that Bellcrest University does not condone threats of these kind against anyone, for any reason. We’ve combed through every single comment and identified the students that made the threats-“

“What about Stephanie? The girl who mad the post?” Brianna asked. “She causes this, so shouldn’t something be done about her?”

“We considered it,” Dean Hendrick said. “But technically she didn’t make a threat and she does seem remorseful, so we’re going to let that slide for now. What we would like you to know, however, is that you are perfectly safe here at Bellcrest.”

“Is there anything you can do about Alpha Gamma?” I asked curiously. “About…you know…”

“Unfortunately not,” He shook his head. “We don’t dictate how the Greek houses handle their membership but…I did want to say something on that. The world we’re living in right now is a much different one than when I attended Bellcrest University myself. We’re accepting different things and establishing a new normal, so to speak. It can be confusing, and disconcerting, but all change is. There was a time when people of color weren’t allowed to drink from the same fountain as whites or use the same bathrooms. There was a time when homosexuality was viewed as a mental illness. We’ve moved past it, obviously but it wasn’t because the world just evolved on its own. The truth is that people, people like you have to be agents of change. You have the…unfortunate circumstance of being a pioneer in a movement that’s just taking off. You might not want to think of it as a movement but right now it is. It’s the movement of being accepted and understood, to be given the same privileges as others. I may not fully understand what it means to be transgender, but as an educated man I can recognize that you have an opportunity and a responsibility. The question, is what you’re going to do about it.”

“What…are you telling me to do?” My eyes darted around the room. I had no idea what was going on.

“I’m telling you to make a difference,” Dean Hendrick said. “My position here is mostly political, I make decisions but I also have the ear of the board. As the dean I would tell you to avoid making waves. As a human being I’m telling you to stand up and fight. In any case, I have to get to my next appointment, it was very nice meeting you both.”

Brianna and I made our way to the car once again; it had been an incredibly confusing day and as always my head was spinning. What was I supposed to do exactly? What COULD I do? By myself, probably nothing. But then again, maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t have to do it by myself.

Synopsis: Allison faces the Alpha Gamma board and is forced to make a split-second decision.

“Remy, I’m scared,” I think I was cutting circulation off to her hand with how hard I was squeezing. We were sitting in a conference room that was far larger than the one at Alpha Gamma, and with a tiered floor. It was more like a courtroom if we’re being honest. I was really, really scared. What had led us up to this exactly? How could we get things back to the way they were before? Was that even possible?

“Just remember to speak from your heart,” Remy whispered back to me reassuringly as the room began to fill up. We had just flow nhere on what should have been a four hour-flight but connections had stretched it out to a full eight. By the time we’d landed, finally, my back was sore, I was anxious, and Brianna had had to do my makeup in the hotel room because I couldn’t keep my hands steady enough.

“You’re going to be okay,” Brianna said, sitting on the other side of me. We were situated in a kind of observation box, I would have called it a jury box if this were a courtroom. Maybe this kind of was a courtroom.

“You know what, you’re right,” I smiled. “And I have the dean on my side so…”

Brianna slowly turned her head and stared at me, studying me for a moment. I could feel Remy doing the exact same thing. Had I said something wrong?

“Okay, Allison,” Brianna said very flatly and patted my knee. “Let’s just get through this.”

“Yeah…” Remy trailed off, staring at the far wall.

“What’s wrong with you guys? He said-“ I started, but Brianna shushed me as a door on the far side of the room opened. My eyes swept across the space, taking in the massive AG logo that was designed into the carpet and the podium in front of it. That was probably going to be for me. To be honest this wasn’t exactly the big event I had expected; it wasn’t like a stadium or anything, or a massive lecture hall. This was…underwhelming. I was suddenly kind of glad that mom couldn’t make it out; who would want to fly out from Washington for this?

The room was quickly filled with women of varying ages, mostly in their 50’s, I think. I immediately Recognized Amanda Geer, a blonde woman in her 30’s, well dressed and armed with a messenger bag of sorts. She took a seat near the head of the conference table and began reading through a stack of papers; I’m sure they had something to do with me. The three of us sat quietly as ladies took their seats and an older lady at the head of the table banged a gavel.

“That’s Lydia Petrello,” Brianna whispered to me. “She’s the president of Alpha Gamma, the entire sorority.”

“I’d like to call this meeting to order,” She said. “We’re here to discuss the appeal of Allison Parsons, former pledge of Alpha Gamma, Bellcrest chapter. I’m going to start this off by saying that while we do recognize Allison as a woman, we are still burdened with a certain responsibility toward the safety of our members. The threats against Allison in one single night were substantial enough that we believed there to be a legitimate danger to the house, and therefore we made the decision to remove her from the situation. That being said, it is unlikely that we will reverse our decision, but we will still hear Ms. Parson’s appeal.”

It was then I fully understood the gravity of the situation; they weren’t going to let me back in, they’d simply called me here so that they could say they’d listened to my appeal, that I’d been given a fair chance. This wasn’t really a fair chance, was it?

“Ms. Parsons?” Amanda Geer was looking at me from her side of the conference table. “Would you like to make your appeal?”

I glanced over at Remy, she was stone-faced; she had picked up on it as well as I had. Of course, she did. I wanted to just say no, I felt so defeated that I wanted to just tear out of the conference room and keep running, and running, and running, and never look back. What was even the point of pressing forward? No, no I couldn’t do that. This was over, I had lost, but how it ended, that was up to me. I pushed myself out of the chair, straightening my skirt as I made my way out of the box and timidly pressed on toward the center of the room. I’m pretty sure they could all hear my heart pounding away in my chest and suddenly I wished I could be anywhere else. Anywhere. Anywhere but here, come on, what had I gotten myself into? I gripped both sides of the podium and looked back to Brianna and Remy who both looked at me encouragingly. I noticed that Brianna had her phone out; was she recording this? I looked back toward the front of the room where Amanda Geer and the other women were looking back at me expectantly.

“I came here today,” I started. “To make a case for why I should be allowed back into Alpha Gamma. I had a speech ready and everything but as I stand here carefully measuring the climate of the room, I’m starting to see it as more and more of an exercise in futility. So, instead of begging for my life, metaphorically, I want to take a minute to reflect on what Alpha Gamma gave me. At this point it’s so much more than just those Greek letters or the rituals, or the charity work, though I’m not…I’m not going to deny that I like those. It all gave me a sense of belonging and a look into a world that I never in a million years thought I could be a part of. But you know what really stands out from the whole experience? Sisterhood, friendship…love. I experienced love that…I never thought I could get. I was so alone before all of this, I just sat in my dorm room playing video games and wishing I could be somewhere else…somewhere like Alpha Gamma. Alpha Gamma gave me everything I needed, they saved me, even thought they scared me pretty badly at first. I can’t describe the horror I felt when I realized my entire family knew that I was…at AG. Or how terrified I was when my own sister came to take my pledge. But it gave me a sense of belonging, and it made me feel like I was part of something so much greater than myself. I don’t want to talk about what Alpha Gamma took away from me, but rather what it can’t take away. It can’t take away the friends that I made, it can’t take away the sisterhood that we share or the bonds that we formed. It can’t take away the fact that my sisters, all of them, helped to make ‘Allison’ a reality rather than just a figment of my imagination. A few weeks ago, I took a pledge; I pledged my loyalty to Alpha Gamma. Today I’m going to make a different pledge. Allison’s Pledge. I pledge to remain loyal to my sisters no matter what the outcome of this appeal. I pledge to be there beside them no matter what path I take in life. I pledge to love them, as if they were my own family, because they are, blood or not. I pledge to fight for them, not as a member of Alpha Gamma, but as a woman, because the one, single most important thing that Alpha Gamma taught me, was what womanhood is all about. Thank you for your time.”

I took a deep breath; there was absolute silence in the room. You probably could have heard a pin drop all the way back at Bellcrest and then cut through the tension with a knife and then had to go get a chainsaw because that little knife just wasn’t going to do it.

“Ms…Parsons, we will consider your remarks,” Lydia said. “We’ll meet back here in half an hour.”

Within seconds the room was empty again, just as it had started out. I looked back to the box to see Brianna and Remy looking at me carefully. Yeah, I had screwed up, badly. It felt right but it had been the wrong thing to do, no question. But hey, at least this way I went down and not the entire chapter. Remy slowly stood and exited the box, her platform heels thumping softly against the carpeted floor as she made her way toward me. She stopped maybe a few inches from my face and I braced myself for the inevitable reaming that was about to come from her. It never came. Instead she lurched forward, grabbing the back of my head and pulling me forward. Her soft lips connected with mine and the rest of her body followed, pushing me back against the podium and grinding against me. I closed my eyes and wrapped arms around her, pulling her closer; eventually she stopped and pulled away, her head just a few centimeters from mine as I laid against the top of the podium. She exhaled, her warm breath danced across my face.

“Guys?” I heard Brianna say. “Just so you know, I still had the camera running, you need to warn me before you do things like that.”

“I…I don’t think it was planned,” I said breathlessly as Remy let go and stood back.

“Okay,” She said. “We don’t have much time before they come back so we should probably just sit tight. Allison…whatever happens today, you are my sister…well…um…okay probably more than that, but you know what I mean. The other sisters will definitely agree…well…I don’t think you can count on them to be as enthusiastic as I just was…or can you? I don’t know.”

“Oh, shut up.” I said as I leaned in and locked lips with her again.

“GUYS!” Brianna shouted, her voice echoing against the walls of the chamber. “I’m STILL here!”

Just was I let her go, we heard the door click again. That definitely hadn’t been thirty minutes. I checked my phone, it had been about fifteen. Great, a knee jerk decision. Remy and I didn’t even bother to sit down as the room was filled again. I could see a sullen look on Amanda Geer’s face; that had to be bad. After a brief moment of silence, Lydia cleared her throat and spoke.

“Allison Parsons,” She said. “I want you to know that it brings me no pleasure to say this, we always wish the best for our members but the outcome has been overwhelming. After a sixteen to four vote, it has been decided that your membership to Alpha Gamma will be permanently revoked. This decision cannot be appealed. Thank you for your time and we wish you the best in your future endeavors.”

“Remy,” I said.

“Yeah?” She asked, looking directly at me.

“We still have a hotel room.”

“OH GOD DAMMIT!” Brianna shrieked. “Will you two give it a rest?!”

Synopsis: Things take an unexpected turn when Allison is faced with a decision and an offer she might not be able to refuse.

“That…was amazing…” I said as I laid in my bed staring straight up at the ceiling. “I’ve never done that before…it was my first time.”

“Yeah,” Remy said, scrolling through her phone and looking at Amazon listings. “I could tell.”

“Was it good?” I was genuinely curious actually.

“Uh…yeah, yeah it was pretty good,” Remy nodded.

Our door burst open and Brianna strode in, fully dressed, which was such an odd thing at 7 in the morning, and sat on the bed bedside me.

“Um, excuse me,” I said to her. “We’re having SEX in here.”

“Yeah, one of us was,” Remy said, completely unphased by my sister’s sudden appearance.

“Okay listen,” She said as she pulled out her phone. Three days ago when you gave your speech in front of National I uploaded the video to my Facebook and left it on public, use a hashtag, #AllisonsPledge…I didn’t expect it to go anywhere but it um…it went viral.”

“So what do you mean?” Remy said, rubbing her eyes as she sat up, keeping the white sheet over her chest. “You mean like a few hundred shares, right?”

“No…” Brianna said. “More like three hundred thousand…and climbing.”

If I’d been drinking anything I’d have spit it out right there. I sat up like a shot, my eyes wide.

“WHAT?!” I practically screamed. “Who would care enough to –”

“Yeah but that’s not all…the comments are mostly positive. I mean yeah you have your typical transphobic crap but for the most part it’s solidarity. I didn’t expect this to happen; I was just sharing it so my friends could see. But…it gets even better than that. People are flooding the AG Facebook page with comments and I hear they’re getting all kinds of emails. It’s a storm. It’s a literal storm.”

“I don’t understand,” I said. “How could this have happened?”

“Easily,” Remy said. “The AG board doesn’t know how the internet works and they didn’t know what they were getting into when they tried to check off that ‘equality’ box. They didn’t realize that they’d have to actually follow through and it’s killing them.”

“Yep,” Brianna confirmed. “The ACLU made a statement about it, along with a lot of other human rights and pro-LGBT groups. Everyone’s pissed and it shows.”

“I mean…it’s great,” I said. “I’m glad you got so many…comments. Imagine posting original content that you poured your heart and soul into and only getting five or six comments. That’s why I don’t write fiction. But seriously, this…what does this mean for us?”

“Well,” Remy said thoughtfully. “It does mean that AG might come begging for you back. It’s not out of the realm of possibility. If that happens then I strongly recommend that you say no.”

“Agreed,” Brianna said. “It’s going to be tempting to have that sense of sisterhood back, but you don’t want the price it comes with – unless you really want AG to own your soul. Dunno if you’re into that.”

“You mean am I into a bunch of women owning me?” I said, half joking. They both looked at me, Remy raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe just one,” She said, a very serious look crossing her face.

“I can live with that,” I whispered. She grinned.

“You two are just…ugh…wow…” Brianna said, shaking her head. “Okay, so unless you want this thing to lose momentum, we have to figure out what we’re doing next. I talked to mom and she suggested that you make a video explaining what happened, like everything. Tell them how you ended up in AG, and how they built you up, and explain how they completely let you down the moment Stephanie did her…thing. There are a lot of people out there who want to know the full story and there’s a lot of speculation going on. Do you think you’d be up to doing a video right now?”

“I mean, I guess…” I looked over at Remy who nodded.

“It’s not like there’s anything special going on here,” She said.

“Alright so…what do we do?”

“Well,” Brianna said, standing up. “First you need to get up, then we need to do your makeup, get you made up perfectly. You need to look really, really good for this. Like perfectly passable, which you always are but I want to make sure we get it right. Your speech is good, but we do need to work on posture. You need to make smaller movements, do you think you can do that?”

“Yeah…I think so…I guess,” I said, feeling a little confused. “Can you show me what you’re talking about?”

“Yeah,” Remy said. “We can help but first let’s get you made up and you think about how you’re going to say it. Remember when you speak it can’t sound rehearsed, you need to make it sound natural. That’s very important.”

“Come on,” Brianna said, “Up, up, up!”

They walked me to the bathroom and patiently waited for me to finish showering. By the time I’d finished Remy had already brought me one of my dresses – a simple baby blue scoop neck with brief sleeves. I was dressed and made up within half an hour and Brianna had gone to fetch her digital camera. This was a little more nerve wracking than speaking to the AG board; if I understood this right, I was going to be addressing the entire world, not just a few people. Well, if we were being honest I already HAD addressed the entire world, hadn’t I? At least in a way.

“We should do this in the kitchen,” Brianna said. “Better light out there. Plus she can sit at the table.”

“What about the couch?” Remy suggested. “It may make her look a little more human?”

“Mmm yeah maybe,” Brianna nodded. I felt like I was being pulled all over the house for the sake of this recording. Were they ever going to let me sit somewhere and get it done?

They spent way too much time arguing over it; there was a knock at the door and the entire thing was cut short, at least for the moment.

“It’s eight in the morning,” Brianna said, annoyed. “Whose at the door?”

“Ugh, I’ll get it,” Remy said. The girl had no shame, she literally walked over to the front door wearing a t-shirt and a pair of panties. She swung it open and I heard her say “Oh…hey”.

Remy walked into the living room followed by another brunette who I vaguely recognized. Her name was Tiffany, I think?

“Hey everyone,” Remy said. “This is Tiffany, she’s the president of Omega Epsilon Beta.”

“So sorry to just drop in like this,” She said very apologetically. “Our house saw the video the other day and we had a quick talk with our national board. Um, first of all, Allison, it’s AMAZING to meet you, I mean, you really killed it on that video.”

“Um…I…thank you ,” I said nervously. About a month ago, when I was still a guy (sort of), these were the kinds of women I would walk by on campus and be terrified to even look at. They were so far out of my league they weren’t even playing on the same field. Now they were in my house, talking to me. I’d just slept with Remy, and according to her I’d been amazing. What was my life?

“It’s we who should be thanking you,” She said, smiling to me. “I…wanted to bring you something.”

She reached into her purse and handed me a card; it was similar to the card that AG had given me about a month ago, but it proudly showed the Omega Epsilon Beta crest and letters. A bid card?

“So listen,” Tiffany said. “I don’t want you to accept this now, I want you to think about it, because joining a house is a huge decision, especially after everything that just happened, but I want you to know why we’re giving you this bid. It’s not because we feel sorry for you, or because we want you as some sort of trophy; it’s all about what you said to Alpha Gamma’s board. Your speech on sisterhood and the bonds that we form in an organization like this…well…I personally along with a lot of the other girls in Omega Epsilon Beta feel that you just ‘get it’. You’d bring something to the house that we desperately need and to be honest, I’m really sorry I didn’t give you a bid after rush week. You’ll have to forgive me; I thought you were just playing a prank.”

“I…I sort of was,” I admitted. “But I guess the joke’s on me now, right?”

Remy snorted a little.

“You don’t have any loyalty or obligation to AG,” Remy pointed out. “Not after the crap they pulled on you. You could do it, I would fully support you.”

“I’d really have to think about it,” I admitted. “I mean…joining another house and all, it’s amazing but, wouldn’t I bring the same problems with me? I don’t want to cause trouble.”

“I really don’t believe you would,” Tiffany reassured me. “We’ve already cleared it with national-“

“It was cleared with national last time,” I pointed out.

“There’s a difference this time,” Tiffany said. “This time all of the circumstances are actually known and there shouldn’t be any complications. We want you because you would be an excellent addition to our house and our sisterhood. Please think about it, okay?”

“I…I will,” I said as I clutched the card tightly. Just as the words left my mouth there was another knock at the door.

“Uh, I’ll get it,” Brianna made her way over and opened the door. “Well…hi.”

She was followed in my four more girls, each of them holding similar cards but each one with different letters and a different crest. One of them looked to Tiffany.

“I guess we all had the same idea,” One of the new girls said, laughing.

“Well now you’ve got options,” Tiffany smiled to me. “And I guarantee this won’t be the end of it. There are ten sorority houses on campus and nine of them are probably coming after you. What you do now is…really up to you.”

After a bit more conversation it was just Brianna, Remy and I standing in the kitchen again. Brianna tapped the camera.

“Come on Miss Thing,” She said. “We’ve got to get your video done.”

I sat on the couch, just as Brianna had suggested and we shot the video. I spoke from the heart, just as I had done at the AG board. I detailed the entire thing from start to finish, even the parts that I was embarrassed about. Yeah, I even told how I had rushed every single house on campus in bad drag. When we were done, Brianna took the video, did a little bit of editing and uploaded it to her Facebook page, setting it to public once again. When all was said and done I couldn’t help but feel the knots overtaking my stomach and I kept wishing that somehow things could just go back to the way they used to be. Wouldn’t it be nice if I could just be back at the AG house playing with makeup? How god damn innocent I had been. But it wasn’t going back; things had been irrevocable changed and my fate, while separate from AG itself was intertwined with Remy’s, Brianna’s, and every girl who lived there. There was far too much riding on my shoulders and I was beginning to feel the weight. One thing I didn’t know, was that the video would amass 2.5 million shares overnight.

Synopsis: Instead of writing anything useful here I’m just going to complain about the keto diet I’m on and how I haven’t had a potato in three months….

“I am sooo excited,” Laura said as she bounced around me at the concession stand “I’ve been wanting to see this movie for ages!”

“Yeah,” I said. “It’s just too bad Remy couldn’t come.”

“Good grief,” Laura laughed. “It’s not like she has to come everywhere with us.”

“Yeah, but, I mean…” I trailed off a bit, she gave me a kind of knowing grin.

“Wow, this place is busy,” She remarked, looking around at the crowds of people in the lobby. I liked this theater, the lobby was just fantastic; tons of concession stands, an arcade, posters everywhere, and the lighting just made it feel alive. Most importantly I felt pretty safe here; it was a campus hotspot and I felt like there were plenty of people who would jump to my defense if anything happened. Laura interlocked her arm with mine and did a kind of skip to the counter where she ordered a bucked of popcorn and two large sodas. “Time to wreck our diet!”

“Well it is a Friday,” I laughed. “Who knew that other people went out on Friday?’

“Calm it down, smartass,” She snickered.

“Hey um, I have to go to the bathroom,” I said. “I can do that on my own, right?”

“I think you’ll be fine,” She gave me a reassuring smile. “I’ll wait here for the popcorn and stuff, meet you in front of theater 18?”

“You know it!” I grinned as I let go of her arm and wander off into a hallway. Just above the entrance the words ‘East Wing’ were displayed brightly with a neon tube light. I really loved this place. I skipped happily to the bathroom enjoying the feel of the air rushing between my legs; I loved wearing skirts, seriously. It felt so free.

I finally came to the bathroom and walked from the dark hallway, into the brightly lit tiled interior. Okay, do my business and get back to Laura. I couldn’t wait to see this movie. I rounded the corner and kind of gave a sigh of relief when I noticed that it was empty. Even though I passed pretty much completely as a woman I was still always a bit anxious about using women’s bathrooms. I bounded toward one of the stalls, realizing how badly I had to go, and I had almost reached it when I heard a voice behind me.

“Well shit, what do we have here?” A deep male voice said. I spun around, there were two guys standing there, one dressed in a black leather coat, the other in flannel. “I think you’re in the wrong bathroom, tranny.”

I felt the color leave my face as they laughed. One of them reached into his inner pocket and produced a switchblade knife which he wasted no time in opening. I could hear the ‘click’ of the blade echoing from the tiled walls.

“I…what do you want?” I asked nervously.

“Would you listen to that, Joe,” The blond one laughed. “It even sounds like a girl. Well, underneath all that makeup you’re just another little faggot.”

“We lost our scholarships because you fucking tattled you little crybaby,” The other guy said as they stepped toward me. I backed up but there wasn’t much room. “Maybe if you really want to be a girl you should lose something too.”

The other guy grinned. I darted. As fast as I could go, I tried to shoot around them, back toward the bathroom door. The black haired guy caught me by the arm; I yelped out in pain as I was suddenly stopped. His hand connected with my throat in a quick jab and I gasped for air as the room spun around me. I fell backward but he didn’t let me fall; instead he caught me by my hair and dragged me to the back wall. I tried to scream in pain my but my ruined throat could only produce gagging sounds as my vision blurred and by back was slammed up against the tile. The blond one reared back and punched me in the stomach, hard; I felt the wind leave my body as I lurched forward, only to receive another punch in the face. As my head cracked against the hard wall I felt blood begin to form on my lips.

“Please,” I gagged. “Please, let me go…please don’t do this…”

“Oh but don’t you want to be a girl?” The blond guy asked quizzically as he held the knife up to my face and gave it a little shake? Why don’t we take a little look at what you’ve got going on under that skirt anyway?”

“Oh, Jesus, Carson,” The tranny pissed itself.”

I immediately become brutally aware of a warmth trickling down my legs. I closed my eyes and began to sob, completely broken.

“Oh look, and it’s crying,” Joe said. “Maybe it IS a girl after all. Better finish the job.”

“HEY!” A new voice shouted; another guy. Through blurred vision I could see three new people standing at the other end of the bathroom. “Joe, Carson! Ever since you posted that crap on the school’s page I’ve been following your asses around. I knew you’d pull some crap like this. You might not be wearing our letters anymore, but I’m not going to have people associating our house with fucking hate crimes. Let her go. Now.”

“Aaron you idiot, this is a guy and you know it. Stop calling it a girl,” Carson snarled. I coughed again, more blood. I could feel it oozing from my mouth and dripping onto my top. The side of my face began to throb; it was unlike anything I’d ever felt.

“Alright you know what? If you don’t let her go, we’ll go one on one, and you know that the two of you can’t take all three of us. You ready for that?” The guy named Aaron said. Carson growled and released me. I crumped to the floor like a rag doll and rested on my hands and knees, breathing heavily between hysterical sobs as I tried to avoid planting myself into the pool of urine that had accumulated beneath me.

“What the hell are we supposed to do?” Carson demanded. “We lost our scholarships, we got expelled, no school is going to take us thanks to this little freak of nature.”

“You could run,” Aaron suggested. “I already called the police. First thing I did when I saw you walking in here. Or you could stay here, get the beatdown of your life and THEN go to jail. You’ve got options.”

“Fuck you, Aaron!” Joe spat. “And fuck you two too, Diego, and Marco. I can’t believe you’re going along with this bullshit. We were your brothers, you should have fucking stood up for us.”

“Hate isn’t something I stand up for,” One of the other guys said. “You shoulda known that by now.”

Carson and Joe stormed out of the bathroom, leaving me in a broken pile on the bathroom floor. Immediately, the three guys made a beeline over to me and sat me upright, against the wall. My legs were crumpled in front of me and I could barely hold myself up. What had just happened? Why?

“Allison?” One of the guys said. Aaron. It was Aaron. He snapped his fingers in front of me and I rolled my eyes over in his direction. “Hey, you don’t know me, I’m Aaron Hinkley, president of Delta Kappa Muh. Are you okay?”

“I don’t know…” I whispered. My throat ached; I could barely speak.

“Okay listen,” He said. “The police are on their way, we’re going to get you an ambulance. Listen, dammit, Allison, don’t do this crap. Don’t go to the bathroom on your own, don’t go ANYWHERE on your own. And for god’s sake, you need to join a house. It’s really hard to keep you safe if we don’t know where you are.”

Keep me safe? Is that what…had people actually been watching out for me?

“You should have gotten a bid from like every sorority on campus,” The one called Diego chided. “Why aren’t you wearing a pledge pin by now?”

I must have blacked out, because the next thing I knew a light was shining in my eyes; a paramedic, and a frantic Laura just beyond covering her mouth with her hands as she stared at me in horror. Kind of registered Aaron giving the police a detailed description of my attackers, and the last thing I remember hearing was a paramedic confirming that I needed to be taken to the hospital. I drifed in and out of consciousness, I don’t know for how long. I opened my eyes briefly and saw the lights of the ambulance roof, and then a tile ceiling rushing by. Screaming, needles, another light shining in my eyes.

“It’s a stab wound, abdomen,” I heard a nurse say. Had I been stabbed? Why didn’t I remember being stabbed? What was happening? I wondered it to myself as I finally blacked out entirely, letting time pass me by and my existence fade out for a bit. When I came to, Brianna was standing over me, I heard a distinct, rhythmic beeping. She was crying, or she had been crying. I could see the redness around her swollen eyes, her form framed by the bright fluorescent lights inset to the ceiling.

“Brianna?” I muttered. “What…where are we?”

“Allison?” She shrieked. “Oh…oh thank god. Laura, get the nurse!”

I saw Laura’s form rise from a nearby chair and she dashed from the room. Couldn’t they have just hit the call button?

“Brianna,” I said faintly. “I’m…sorry.”

“What? Why are you apologizing?” She shook her head incredulously. “You were attacked! Oh my god you had us all…we were so scared. I’ve been keeping mom updated; I need to call her…how are you feeling?”

“We…we need to do something,” I said. “Brianna I’m so scared, what do we do?”

“YOU do nothing,” She said sternly. I’m pulling the plug on this thing. You’re going to join a house, for protection. The other Greek houses will watch out for you, they might have different letters but they take care of their own, I promise. You’re going to lay low, you’re going to finish school. We shouldn’t have pushed you into this, not after a month and a half of you coming out, you weren’t ready. Jesus, I can’t believe this. I’m sorry.”

What was she talking about? I’d always wanted to be a part of this fight but I’d been too afraid to come out, I knew it was a possibility but…how could she take me out of it? She couldn’t do that, could she?

“Brianna, no, I can’t…” I moaned a bit as my stomach lurched and then broke into a series of soft whimpers. She laid her hand on my shoulder.

“Look, we thought about moving you to a different college, mom and I, but you’ve made friends here and I don’t want to just uproot you, so you’re going to get yourself into a house, one of the nine that gave you bids. This isn’t a negotiation; if I have to pick one I will. I can’t be with you all the time, but they can, even if it’s not Alpha Gamma. Okay look, you get some rest now, seriously. We’ll talk about this in a few days. For right now, right NOW you stay in this bed and don’t think about ANYTHING but getting better, do you understand me?”

What was I even supposed to say? There was nothing I could say; I just did as she demanded and let my head drop onto the pillow as the sound of machines around me drowned out the noise in the rest of the hospital beyond the room. I had to keep fighting, somehow.

Synopsis: Allison works on recovering from her injuries and tries to choose a new sorority.

“Remy, I don’t like this,” I said quietly. We were laying in my bed at Brianna’s house, her arms wrapped around my chest as I grasped her hands. Her warm body laying flush with mine, and her warm breath overtaking the back of my neck. I was content, but I wasn’t. “I feel like…like I have a purpose for the first time in my life. I spent so much time playing video games or watching TV, I always felt like I could be something more, and now that I am, they want me to stop.”

“I talked to Brianna right after you got out of the hospital,” She turned the tables a bit and took my hand in hers, gently massaging my fingers and drawing my arms in closer to my body. “I think that she’s really, really worried. She didn’t realize how dangerous this whole thing would be. She’s panicking.”

“What about you?”

“I’m worried. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t. This whole thing, it’s…I just got to know you and I feel like I almost lost you yesterday. I guess it all comes down to what you want to do. I mean, if I were in your position I’d want to be coddled, protected. I would want to feel safe but…maybe you’re just a stronger person than I am.”

“No you’re not stronger than I am,” I peered off into the corner of the room, toward a wall illuminated by the light of the moon, a million miles away and hanging just outside the window, framed like a picture and staring in on all of our deepest secrets. The moon was the sole witness to this conversation and the observer of my deepest fears. “I just…I am afraid. I know that it’s going to cost me to keep going. It’s going to cost me a lot. But I want to help. I’ve spent so much time online reading posts from people who were in horrible situations and I always wished I could be…in a position to help, and…”

“I understand,” She said softly as she kissed the back of my head and continued massaging my hand. “and I admire you for it. I really, really, really do, but you…I mean...I just don’t want you to get so lost in helping everyone else that you forget about self-care.”

There was a long silence; I thought maybe she’d fallen asleep but as I listened, her breathing hadn’t quite reached that rhythmic pattern yet. She was still awake. I smiled a bit, imagining what she looked like back there.

“Hey Remy?” I said. “You know how I said I don’t write fiction?”

“Mhmm,” She responded. “Was kind of a…weird thing to say now that I think about it. Was like you were talking to someone who wasn’t even in the room.”

“Maybe we’re part of a movie,” I giggled. “Maybe I was talking to the audience.”

“Nah,” She said. “I don’t really see us as part of a movie. Maybe we’re like…short fiction on a TG website. That would be cool, right?”

“Um, no,” I said. “Because if this were fiction then it would mean whoever is writing us is not only an asshole, they’re extremely depressed. This whole thing would read like a cry for help.”

“You are putting WAY too much thought into it,” She sighed. “So, what about writing fiction?”

“Well I thought it would be really cool to write some trans fiction. I mean there’s a lot of it out there but it always turns into erotica, or bondage or whatever. That stuff is cool, at least until the writer stops masturbating and then the story just goes downhill. What if I could write some super good trans fiction that read like…like a real book?”

“That would be cool, you could post it online to see what kind of reactions you get?”

“I could,” I agreed. “But I’m having trouble figuring out what to write. Okay, so one idea I had was for this guy named Todd; he’s trans okay? He’s trans but he’s in the closet and he breaks into a sorority one night—”

“Is this your personal fantasy?”

“And he tries on a dress, but gets caught. The sorority girls don’t punish him, they just help him becomea woman but…the story is really convoluted and nothing is every straight forward-“

“Sounds boring,” Remy yawned. “What else do you have?”

“Okay what if a guy is paralyzed like completely completely and totally paralyzed and he can’t move for like four years. Then one night he goes to sleep and he wakes up as a girl, on a space station called Deshima. Oh and he can move.”

“What’s cool, what would you call that one?” Remy asked.

“Maybe…Deshima?” I don’t know, which one should I write though?”

“Ask your imaginary audience,” She giggled.

“Sorry Remy,” I laughed a little, but then stopped as my stitches began to stretch. “They’re imaginary.”

“Go to sleep,” She said, snorting.

I smiled as we fell asleep, me deep in her embrace. I felt warm, and safe. I hoped it was a feeling that would last. When I opened my eyes again the first rays of sunlight were seeping into the window, occupying the space from which the moon had watched us sleep. Remy was gone. I was confused for a moment but then I remembered that she had said something about an officer meeting back at Alpha Gamma this morning. I sighed a bit and sat up in bed, noticing she’d left her pink hoodie crumpled at the end of the bed. I smiled happily as I shrugged into it; it was a bit big for me and I kind of giggled at how much smaller I was than her. I sat there thinking momentarily with one foot hanging lazily over the end of the bed and one tucked up against my body with my chin resting on my knee, engulfed in Remy’s sweater. I didn’t sit there too long before there was a knock at the door.

“Allison are you awake in there?” Brianna called out for the other side. “I need to go over somet things with you!”

“Come on in,” I called back. She opened the door and smirked a bit, seeing me dressed in Remy’s hoodie.

“We really need to go through these bids you got,” She said. “You have one from every sorority on campus, and they’re all pretty amazing. I went ahead and did some research on them for you so let’s start with Omega Epsilon Beta. That’s Tiffany, the girl who came here the other day. You’d really like them, they’re sweet, super girly, like you, though they’re also super athletic. A lot of them are cheerleaders, you might have trouble keeping up with them.”

“Keeping up with them?” I cocked my head. “I’m not an invalid you know.”

“I know,” She said. “But they have this mandatory fitness…thing. Do you think you can run a mile every day?’

“Uh..what if they get a member that can’t run?”

“I think they carry the water,” Brianna said. I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. “Okay, you also have Kappa Tau Chi, it’s a really good one, um, they have some good incentives for alumni, like career placement, things like that. A lot of them are super nerdy so I think you’d fit right in.”

“Are you calling me a nerd?” I asked playfully.

“Kinda am, sis,” She giggled. “Okay, Omega Muh Lambda. They’re a service fraternity, they do humanitarian things. Last year They took a trip to South America on summer vacation to build houses.”

“That sounds exciting!” I said. “It’s kinda like philanthropy!”

“Yeah, I three with the Peace Corps after college, I really enjoyed it. Kinda the same.”

“What’s this one?” I pointed to another bid card.

“Oh, this is Pi Lambda Sigma. They’re like, the girliest of the girliest. They actually have a dress code, you have to maintain a certain appearance, blouse, skirt, or dress pants, whatever. Um, they’re big on being debutants, if you know what I mean. I wouldn’t go with this unless you like being practically forced to learn the difference between a salad fork and a regular fork, oh, and all that fancy lady stuff. I mean god, sitting around with a book on your head so you keep your back straight – they do that to their pledges. Don’t go with that one, it’ll drive you crazy.”

“Okay,” I said. “I want that one.”

Brianna stared at the bid card for a second, blinked, and then looked up at me. She blinked again and tried to regain her composure.

“What?” She finally managed to force the words out of her mouth.

“It’s what I want,” I said. “I want to be girly, I want to learn how to be a lady. That’s the point of all this, right?”

Allison,” She said very pointedly. “You know how you put on your lipstick in the morning, how it’s always a little crooked?”

“Yeah,” I had never managed to get it right, try as I might, over, and over, and over again.

“They’ll haze you for that,” She said dramatically, putting emphasis on the word ‘haze’ and widening her eyes as if it would have some kind of detrimental effect on me. “I’m not talking about the hazing you see in the movies, it’ll be subtle, you’ll hate it.”

“Okay, Brianna,” I said, feeling a little exhausted; my wound was starting to bug me. “I’m not sure how to put this nicely so I’m just going to say it. You’ve been controlling my life ever since rush and…this time I want to do my own thing, and my own thing is joining Pi Lambda Sigma, okay?”

“Allison,” She said quietly. “I’m going to set you on fire.”

“Brianna.”

“Okay, okay,” She sighed. “You’re right, we have been a little controlling but it’s not because I don’t want you to live your life, it’s because I love you any want you to be happy. When I first heard that you might be transgender I wasn’t…freaked out, or confused. I was worried, Allison. I was worried because you were about to jump into a world you knew nothing about. I…it scared me that you had never been taught to protect yourself as a woman. I mean, I grew up learning stupid little things like carrying my keys between my fingers so I can claw someone’s eye out if I have to. Or you know, never putting your back to a van in a parking lot, or always park beneath a street light. You just haven’t been conditioned in the same way every other woman has and I just…want you to be protected until you can learn. You’re my little sister, I love you, and I want to protect you but you know what? I can’t really argue with Pi Lambda Sigma in that regard -they’ll protect you, it’ll just get a little awkward.”

“I think I can handle it,” I shrugged.

“You know you can’t just switch to another house if you don’t like this on, right? It’s a bit of a stretch that they’re all offering you bids this late in the game and it’s because of who you are.”

“I think I’ve already proven that I stick with my decisions,” I said adamantly.

“Alright,” She sighed. “Well, let’s get you to the bathroom and change your bandage. Oh, and get you made up. If you’re going to see Pi Lambda Sigma you’re going to want to wear something other than Remy’s hoodie.”

Synopsis: Allison meets with Pi Lambda Sigma, the members of Alpha Gamma reach an impasse with National

“Okay this is it,” Brianna said, pulling the car parallel to the sidewalk between two other vehicles. I’ll never in a million years understand how she was able to parallel park like that; I certainly couldn’t do it. “Hey, when you get out of the car, I want to show you something.”

“Is it a different bid?”

“Shut up,” She said. “Just get out.”

I shook my head a little and stepped out of the car, waiting for her to walk around o me. I pulled a bit at my skirt; she had me in this super conservative type dress, it had a rounded collar and a bow in the back. I thought it was a little bit overkill and possibly way too feminine, but she insisted it was what I should be wearing if I wanted to meet with Pi Lambda Sigma.

“Look,” Brianna said as she pointed down the street. This was a street with a very singular purpose: to host the university’s Greek houses. Most of the sororities and fraternities were on the same street; it made things simpler I guess. It certainly had made rush night a little easier. “You see that?”

“See wha—oh,” My eyes went wide as I saw one of the sororities flying the transgender flag proudly out front. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a lot like the pride flag but with three colors: Blue for male, Pink for female, and White for Intersex or Non-Binary.

“That’s cool,” I said. “I didn’t think—”

I stopped short as my eyes slowly surveyed the rest of the street. It wasn’t just that one house, it was all of them. They were all flying the transgender flog. Down the row I could see a flood of pink, white, and blue. Even the AG house was sporting one and it seemed to be bigger than all the rest. What was going on?

“It’s for you,” Brianna explained. “This is all in honor of you. This is the impact you’ve had. I’m glad you got to see this because you need to know that you haven’t been forgotten or swept under the rug. You matter to a lot of people. Now, come on, it’s time for you to go talk to Pi Lambda Sigma. If that’s what you REALLY want to do I mean.”

I quietly walked beside Brianna as we stepped onto a pristine white porch, knocking lightly on what seemed to be an even whiter door. It opened swiftly and a bleach blonde girl stood before us. Brianna had been right about my outfit; this girl was wearing a high-necked pink sweater and a white knee-length skirt. She was wearing bright pink lipstick to match and eyeliner so perfect it had to have been done by a machine. Okay, could I even fit in here? I was a hot mess compared to her. I smiled kind of sheepishly as Brianna spoke.

“Hi, my name is Brianna and this is—”

“Allison Parsons!” The girl squealed. “It’s so great to finally meet you in person, come in! Come in!”

“I guess your reputation precedes you,” Brianna said to me was we crossed the threshold and passed into the house.

“Oh my god,” I said, looking around. “This place is beautiful.”

“Allison,” Brianna said quietly. “The walls are baby pink.”

“With white trim!” I said excitedly.

“The walls are baby pink,” She repeated. I didn’t care, I was too busy marveling at the place. I didn’t care if she hated it; if I couldn’t get back into Alpha Gamma I might as well be at least a little bit happy, right?

Brianna informed the girl that we wanted to speak with President Powell, and off she went. We stood there for a bit, and soon enough, a pretty brunette, about my height with a rounded face, wearing a pink velour dress appeared before us in the foyer.

“Hi,” She said, smiling and extending a hand. My name is Kelly Powell, I’m the president of Pi Lambda Sigma! You two must be Allison and Brianna? I know you already pretty well Allison, your video and speech to the AG board was the stuff of legends. It was all people here could talk about for a few days.”

“R…really?” I asked, a little embarrassed.

“Oh yes!” She said with a huge but very reserved smile. “You’re kind of a big deal around here, you should feel honored, nothing is a big deal around here.”

“Other than the color of the walls,” Brianna muttered. “I feel like I just walked into a vagina.”

“Pardon?” Kelly said, smiling at Brianna. I’m not sure if she actually heard her or not but I was about to die of embarrassment.

“So how can I help you, ladies?” Kelly asked us, switching to a more ‘customer servicey’ mode.

“Well, as you know,” I said, straightening up a bit. “I got a lot of bids and I was considering yours. I think your house might be exactly what I’m looking for.”

“Oh really!” Kelly brightened up a bit. “Well, why don’t you step into my office and we’ll talk about a few things!”

It turns out her office was just the living room where a few other girls were sitting, but hey, whose counting?

“Oh, girls, this is Brianna and Allison, you remember Allison? We’ve been talking about her for the last week!”

“Oh my god!” A few of the other girls gushed. They kind of gathered around to ask questions and Kelly waved them off. It was like I was suddenly a really lame Harry Potter.

“So,” Kelly said as we sat down on the couch. “Can you tell me what interests you in our house?”

I wasn’t really prepared for this question but then again, I wasn’t even ready for it when Remy had asked me during the Alpha Gamma rush. Ugh, I missed Remy. She was right down the street, probably. Did I have to go see her before I answered this question?

“I was really attracted to your philanthropy programs, as anyone would be,” I tilted my head again and smiled. “But I also really love your presentation of femininity. I feel like that as a new woman, so to speak I have a lot to learn so while I do my part in contributing to the house, all of you will have SO much to teach me and I would be so grateful for it.”

“I really like to hear that,” Kelly smiled as she folded her hands in her lap, knees pushed together toward us. “But now there’s one thing I need to know from you.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do? Please, PLEASE don’t get me wrong here, having you as an addition to our house would be the most amazing thing in the world and the girls would absolutely love you, but it’s a big decision and a commitment. Over the last few days we’ve seen a lot of buzz in the press and it’s very possible that Alpha Gamma could retract your expulsion. You’d be back with your sisters and I’m pretty sure you’d be initiated. I’m not saying that you should go back to them after everything they did to you, but I want you to be absolutely sure that joining our sorority is exactly what you want. I don’t want you to have any regrets over it.”

“You need to take a few days to think about it,” Brianna said, touching my hand. “I don’t necessarily want you to go back to Alpha Gamma but she’s right, you don’t want to have any regrets. If you still feel the same way in a few days then yeah, come back here and pledge.”

Kelly nodded and smiled to me.

“Allison we would love to have you, but please, take some time. I’ll see you back here in a few days okay?”

She showed us out of the house and Brianna walked me to the car, holding my arm while I did a sort of limp. The stitches were holding but walking was still painful.

“I don’t like this,” I sighed. “I’m ready to join now.”

“I know you are sweetie,” She said. “You’re missing that feeling of sisterhood that you had with AG but you need to do some thinking before you replace one thing with another. It’s your choice, I just want to make sure you’re making the right one, you understand ri—”

“Brianna!” Remy’s voice boomed from down the sidewalk, we both looked up to see her standing there in front of the Alpha Gamma house, hands on her hips. She was gorgeous, I can’t even describe just how gorgeous she was. The sunlight behind illuminated her form and I practically started drooling when I saw her standing there in that position of authority. She was angry, and that was hot. Brianna noticed and rolled her eyes at me. “Bring her home!”

We walked closer to Remy with Brianna supporting my weight. I didn’t know how much longer I could walk; I felt like I’d already done enough of it today.

“What’s going on?” Brianna asked as she lugged me down the sidewalk.

“Bring Allison home, we’re going to have a meeting. It’s important.”

I looked at Brianna; I hadn’t been back to the Alpha Gamma house since we’d rushed out that night, I was suddenly nervous but incredibly excited. Why did she want me to come back, and why was she so angry? Remy took my other arm and we sort of shuffled down the sidewalk until we were able to cross into the AG house. I was greeted by Laura, Michelle, Cassandra, and a dozen other girls.

“Hey Allison, welcome back!” Laura smiled and gave me a quick hug.

“Cute outfit!” Michelle grinned. “I approve!”

“Come on,” Cassandra said. “There’s someone who wants to meet you!”

Now who on earth would want to meet me? They helped me into the living room, and there I found the last two people I expected, ever. My mother stood from the couch and reached her hand out to pull me in.

“Hello, Allison,” She said. “It’s wonderful to meet you. This is Amanda Geer, I know you’re already acquainted but this is probably the first time you’ve really been introduced in person.”

“Hello, Allison,” Amanda said as she rose from the couch. “It’s so good to really, finally meet you. You’ve made a huge difference, probably more than you know.”

“I…um…thank you,” I blushed and shook her hand. “What’s um…what’s this all about?”

“Well,” Amanda said. “We’ve made a decision, and we think it’s time to bring you home, but not as an Alpha Gamma. We’re all here today because we’re going to try something different. Are you ready, Allison?”

“Yes,” I said. “I’m ready.”

Synopsis: The future of AG is discussed, and Allison makes a decision

“What are we looking at? What is this?” Brianna demanded as she stared at Remy’s iPad. It was the same iPad that they’d used in the conference room after rush. Kind of funny to see Amber Geer standing on the other side of it.

“This is a press release from Alpha Gamma,” Amanda explained. “A very, very poorly written one. After it came out and was actually posted on our website, I went to confront Lydia in her office. When I say confront I mean I broke the door handle off with a fire extinguisher because she’d barricaded herself in there with a dozen cases of boxed wine. Not a pretty picture.”

“Okay,” I frowned. “Why would she do that? What triggered that?”

“A series of blog posts,” My mother said. “I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention, I think maybe Brianna and Remy have been keep you busy but…there’s a campaign encouraging people to walk away from Alpha Gamma. It’s all because of your pledge. You made an impact.”

“Mom…” I nearly whispered. “If I caused that…I’m sorry. This is…this was your house. Alpha Gamma is where you pledged to.”

“Sweetie,” She said, taking my hand. “I pledged to a chapter, not to Panhellenic. If I’d known how they were going to treat my daughter years later then maybe I wouldn’t have made that pledge in the first place. But I did, and now we’re here. The question is what we’re going to do about it.”

Okay I’m going to say this now: I was shocked. So completely and utterly shocked. My mother had never spoken to me in this manner before; it was almost as if she saw me as an equal rather than as just her kid. Is this how Brianna felt all the time?

“Here’s one of the blog posts,” Remy handed me the tablet.

“Wow, this is intense,” I said, raising an eyebrow. “An actual AG president quit over me? Also…what is this timestamp? It says EST? Shouldn’t it be EDT for Eastern Daylight Time?”

“Allison,” Remy said quietly. “Who cares about the timestamp?”

“Well if we’re in daylight savings—”

“NO ONE CARES!” Remy screamed.

“Right, right,” I said, my eyes wide. “I’m…sorry. But anyway, what are we all doing here? What does this have to do with…me?”

“The Walk Away movement resonated with a lot of people. AG lost…some serious membership over the last week. You have to understand that we’re living at the height of transgender acceptance right now. There are so many people that have transgender friends and family members; it’s not a social taboo anymore. Your pledge really struck a chord with them and no one wants to be part of an organization that does…what AG did,” Amanda said simply. “I know I don’t. I’ve been friends with your mother for over thirty years and I’m utterly appalled that anyone would treat either of her daughters that way.”

“So what you’re saying is…” I said, too confused to actually finish the sentence in its entirety.

“What we’re saying is that this house, this chapter along with the other chapters across the United States will defect from Alpha Gamma and form our own sorority. We’ve been in contact with many of the others that have followed suit and they’re in favor of forming under a different charter. Money? We’re okay in that regard and your mother has already been on the phone with her lawyers; we’re going to get this house.”

“Wait, you can…we can do…that?” I was stunned. How could a change this huge have happened right in front of me?

“We can,” Remy nodded. “And we’re going to, but that leaves one very important question. You.”

“Me?”

“Yes, YOU,” Brianna nodded.

“When you left after Rush,” Remy walked up to me, taking my hands as she spoke. “You maybe had…twelve or thirteen hours of freedom before we called you. Ever since then we’ve been controlling your life in every way possible. It was kind of fun at first but now we’re at a point where you need to take control of yourself and your life. You still have a lot to learn, and I’ll work on it with you no matter what, but now, you need to decide where you want to be. You can join our new sorority, you can join another sorority, you can even dump the whole Greek thing and go back to living in a dorm. Or with your sister. Whatever you want to do. This is your life now. You tell us what you want to do, and you don’t even have to decide n—”

“Remy,” I said. “Of course I want to join you guys, in whatever you do. You’re my sisters. You took me in and changed my life. Look at me; I wouldn’t LOOK like this if it wasn’t for you. I’d still be that depressed guy who rushed sororities in drag. I WANT to be around you, all of you. I can’t think of a better college experience.”

“Then I, for one, am honored to have you with us,” Remy smiled. I leaned in to kiss her and she playfully bit my nose. I jumped a little bit and yelped as my stitches stretched again and she apologized profusely while helping me to sit down on the couch.

“How…how do we get started?” I kind of groaned as I laid back into the couch with Remy stroking my hair.”

“It starts with a letter,” Amanda explained. “We draft a letter to Alpha Gamma announcing our intention to withdraw from their organization and then all of the members here will have to sign it. Now normally they would tell us to vacate the house, but Mrs. Parsons here is working with her lawyers to make sure we get it. We’ve also been speaking to other chapters, since Alpha Gamma lost 55% of their active members. If we can get those houses too we’ll really be in business.”

“Okay, okay hold up,” I said. “I know my family has money but we can’t pay for all of those houses. The utility bills alone—”

“Um…member dues?” Laura looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

“She doesn’t know,” Remy shrugged.

“Wait,” Laura said, practically choking. “She’s been living in the house and you didn’t tell her about dues? She hasn’t been paying at all?”

“You know it uh, didn’t really occur to me to charge her for what basically amounts to mental torture.”

“We weren’t torturing her!” Laura said insistently.

“Kinda were, I’m pretty sure I remember you suggesting that we sit her down in a chair and make her put lipstick on until she gets it on straight. You were literally ready to go to the dollar store and buy all the lipstick they had.”

“Oh come on!” Laura rolled her eyes. “It’s nothing we didn’t all have to do when we were kids!” Laura crossed her arms and looked at all of us. Very slowly, every head in the room turned toward her until she began to frown. “Everyone else had to do that, right?”

“Moving on,” Remy said, rolling her eyes. “Let’s figure out what this letter is going to say so we can split off as soon as possible. I want to get this done and over with.”

“Okay, I have an idea,” Arianna spoke up. “To whom it may concern: fuck you.”

There were a few giggles and Remy raised her hand, calling for silence. For the next few hours we worked on the letter, read it over, and then read it over again to make sure it said exactly what we wanted. The entire time, I couldn’t help but think that if I hadn’t rushed a few weeks ago, we wouldn’t be here right now doing this. Alpha Gamma would be going about business as usual and I never would have met any of these amazing women. Still, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt; it was almost as if I had ruined their sorority. I didn’t dare say that out loud thought, Remy would have shut me down immediately.

Finally, after a few hours, we had our draft and Laura used the office printer to make a copy. We all passed it around and signed with a black pen. It kind of felt like we were signing the Declaration of Independence or something.

“Okay, now,” Remy said as she folded the paper and put it into an envelope. “Because Lydia never checks the mail at the main office, we’re going to have Mrs. Parson’s lawyers deliver this in person. It’ll take a few days for the ball to start rolling, but after we’re sure they’ve gotten the letter we’ll make a post online declaring our intentions. We won’t have any trouble getting the house, but we do need to come up with new letters. I think we can all agree that we’ll want to stick with the Greek theme and all of the traditions that it entails. On that note, we come back to Allison.”

“Me again?” I tried to lean forward but only managed to get a few inches off the back of the couch before collapsing back into it.

“Stop moving around,” Remy scolded me. “All of this happened because of you. Because of you we were able to see Alpha Gamma for what it really is, and what it IS, is an outdated organization that can’t appreciate the uniqueness in people. You’ve made the choice to stay with us, and I think that I have an officer position for you.”

“Um, I’m a pledge,” I said as I stared up at the ceiling. “Pledges can’t be officers.”

“You wouldn’t be a pledge once we started up.” Remy said. “We would activate you right away. I think you’ve earned it by now.”

There were affirming murmurs all around, I guess they agreed with Remy.

What…kind of position?” I asked.

“You wanted to fight, for the rights of trans people,” She said. “I think that’s wonderful, but I also think you’re inexperienced. I think there’s so much you can learn here, which is why I want you to be the trans liaison for the house. When we sign our charter, yes, we’ll be accepting trans rushes. There’s a chance we won’t get many, but on the off chance that we do, you would communicate their needs to myself and the rest of the house. It might not always be the easiest job in the world, but you remember what it was like for you at first? You probably felt like no one understood you and having a liaison would have made all the difference in the world.”

She was right. It would be a huge responsibility but I could help so many people. I wanted to do it.

“Okay,” I said. “I would love to do that.”

“Good,” She said. “So now that that’s settled, we need to move on to the name. We have to come up with something, so come on people, brainstorm, figure something out, before doomsday, please.”

There was a bit more murmuring, before finally, Cassandra came forward from the crowd.

“I think I may have something,” She said. She reached down onto the table and picked up a yellow legal pad that was sitting next to the TV remote. She quickly wrote something down and handed it to Remy.

“Yep,” Remy said. “I think that’ll work.”

Synopsis: Allison confronts an old friend

“Initiation tomorrow,” Remy grinned at me as she slid one of her tops onto a plastic coat hanger. “Are you ready?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted nervously. “What happens at initiation?”

“Well,” She said. “You know those pledge paddles you’ve seen laying around the house?”

“Uh…yeah?” I gulped as I clutched one of her skirts in my grip. We had busied ourselves doing her laundry; I had no idea how many clothes the woman had, we’d been here in her room for hours with me sitting cross-legged on her bed next to a massive piled of skirts, dresses, panties, and likely a few parachutes.

“Well we don’t use those, so your butt is safe – at least from that.”

I giggled a little bit and used a clip hanger to secure the skirt, then tossed it aside and grabbed another top.

“So what about the house?” I asked. “Do we get the house?”

“Yeah,” She nodded. “AG lost fifty-five percent of their membership, so they’re just liquidating a of their assets. We paid them, but it wasn’t much. With Amanda and the other five members splitting off from AG and your mother leading the new board, this should be a pretty smooth transition.”

“Smoother than some transitions,” I joked.

“Funny,” She smirked. “Speaking of which, how’s your transition going?”

“Oh, yeah,” I nodded. “I was final prescribed my hormones, it’s more complicated than I thought. Um, so there’s this estrogen pill that people like to call tittle skittles, and then there’s the spiro that blocks testosterone. I guess I’m well on my way to being a girl.”

“You already ARE a girl, honey,” She corrected. “The pills just help you look more like one.”

“Maybe, a little surgery wouldn’t hurt either. As soon as the makeup comes off I look like a guy again.”

“Mmm…not entirely true,” She reassured me. “Your hair frames your face really well, it’s hard to tell unless you get really, really close.”

“I’m glad YOU think so,” I giggled.

“I really do—hey Allison, are you wearing my top?”

I looked down at my self and blushed a little. I was wearing one of her wrap-around tunic tops, probably one of her favorites.

“Yeah,” I said, looking up at her as if I was pleading for mercy.

“You have your OWN clothes you know,” She scolded, shaking her head and wagging a finger at me. “You don’t need to steal mine.”

“I guess…I just…want you close to me,” I shrugged. Maybe I was a little obsessive?

“I’m right here you goof!” She laughed. Suddenly she made her way over to the bed, placed her hands on my shoulder and gently pushed me back into the pile of laundry. I lost my breath as she climbed onto the bed and straddled me, pressing her lips against mine and giggling. I wrapped one arm around her back and placed my hand on the back of her head, pulling her in closer as we continued to kiss. I moaned softly as she began to grind my pelvic region with hers, but then groaned even louder as she stopped and pulled away.

“Remy!” I pleaded.

“We don’t want to tear your stitches,” She said. “We have all the time in the world.”

I groaned and threw my head back against the laundry pile as she smiled softly and stood up. She stepped away and I sat up, straightening out my blouse…well…her blouse.

“What are you doing today?” She asked.

“Well in about half an hour I need to go meet someone at the quad and then—”

“Wait, who are you meeting?”

“Um…” I said slowly, hesitating before I answered. “Stephanie?”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Remy asked me with a concerned look on her face.

“We’re meeting in the quad,” I reassured her. “I guess I just want…closure.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Remy had stopped folding and was staring directly at me.

“No,” I said. “I think…I mean…I should probably handle this by myself. It’s a public place, it should be fine.”

“Yeah okay,” She said. “You know what? I’ll drive you to the quad and I’ll wait just outside. I don’t want you to walk out of there alone, okay?”

“Thank you, Remy,” I smiled.

We finished up some more of the laundry and then headed out. We walked out the front door, passed off of the front porch and I commented on how nice the new letters looked. Remy agreed with me as we climbed into her car and drove to the quad. It was pretty busy but it was a Saturday so I really wouldn’t have expected anything less. As I stepped out of the car I could see Stephanie sitting at one of the picnic tables. I crossed the walkway and passed through the two chest-high brick walls that flanked and surrounded the area, aware that I was turning a few heads as I went. Yeah, people still knew who I was; maybe some of them would want autographs. I put it out of my mind as I crossed over to Stephanie’s table. As I approached she stood and smiled at me nervously. I gave her a quick hug and we sat down.

“Mi…I mean…Allison,” She said. “How have you been?”

“About as well as could be expected,” I said. “We’ve gotten the sorority mostly sorted out.”

“I saw that when I drove by earlier!” She said. “The new letters look amazing! I wish I could join.”

“I’m sure there are other houses you could join,” I suggested. She shook her head sadly.

“No one else will have me. I tried a few houses but they won’t call me back. I guess I’m persona non grata now, yeah?”

I shrugged.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last month and a half it’s that actions have consequences. I took mine, I guess you’ll have to take yours.”

“Yeah, so…I was wondering…can you forgive me for what I did?”

I thought for a moment and then nodded.

“Yeah Stephanie, I can forgive you. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, it would be hypocritical for me NOT to forgive you. I mean we’re all human, right?”

She breathed a sigh of relief, I could almost see the weight being lifted off of her. She’d been thinking about this for a long time.

“Thank you so much,” She whispered. “I was wrong, I was so wrong. I got you kicked out of Alpha Gamma, and that almost got you killed and…I don’t know how I could have lived with myself if…if…”

She was starting to tear up. For a moment I swear I could see that girl I’d spent so many of my childhood days with. As we sat there I recalled a memory of us sitting in the backyard eating popsicles, or those days we spent playing on that huge castle playset my mom had bought. So many memories, from childhood, to adolescence, all torn away and stomped on in that one single moment. How quickly a friendship can fall. She was crying. I think I was too.

“It’s okay, Stephanie,” I wiped away a tear. “You’re going to be okay.”

“And…and are we still friends?” She asked timidly.

“Stephanie,” I sighed. “The thing about being trans, or gay, or anything in the alphabet is…you get the privilege of knowing who your friends really are. You can know someone for your entire life and you can get along with them really well but you won’t know who they really are until you challenge their beliefs. I was really, really lucky to find that my mom and my sister were on my side no matter what, and maybe even more so than I thought. I mean for god’s sake, my own sister pinned me at the ceremony. How often does that happen? It’s just…people always have more than one side and most people are only going to see one side of their friends for their entire life. People like me? We get the privilege of walking around to the other side and seeing what they’re really made of. With you…I have to say it was really lacking. You hated me for being who I was when everyone else…they accepted and loved me. Stephanie, I so wish…I so wish that you could have been a part of that love and friendship. I wish that things had turned out differently, but what you did….it’s not just something that you did to me. It’s something that you did to all of my AG sisters, and all of the people who loved me unconditionally. You uprooted their lives, you changed things for them, you took away so many things that we can’t get back. Stephanie I’ll always love you, I’ll always have those fond memories but…I don’t think we were ever friends, at all. I wish you the best, I really do, but I have to move on now, with my real friends.”

A long moment of silence persisted between us. The crowd noise throughout the quad seemed to dissipate, leaving us in absolute silence as we contemplated the future. I felt that with her, I was leaving a piece of my past behind and while it felt uplifting, it also felt sad, like a piece of me was dying. Not a good piece, maybe the same thing as when you cut the mold off of a piece of bread. It’s gone, but the spores have still spread, and they’ll be a part of it, forever. Stephanie would be a part of me forever but that didn’t mean I needed her attached to me.

“I love you, Allison,” She said, gathering her purse and standing up. We embraced one last time and I watched her disappear in to the crowd. The moment hit me like a ton of bricks as I wiped my tears once again and turned back toward the parking lot across the street. Remy saw me and immediately began to pull the car around.

“Are you okay?” She asked me as I climbed into the passenger seat.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I sniffed a little bit.

“Cheer up,” She smiled, patting my knee. “I’ll get you a smoothie, and then we can get ready for initiation tomorrow. You’re looking forward to it, right?”

“Yeah,” I smiled. “I’m looking forward to it.

I really, really was.

Synopsis: Allison contemplates her future and the initiation ceremony commences

“Hey lady, what are you up to?” Remy asked as she passed by me in the common room. “The ceremony is in like…fifteen minutes. You really need to be in there.”

“I’m just thinking…about…how much has changed in the last few weeks,” I said with a sigh. I was here, ready for initiation. Believe it or not I was wearing the exact same dress I’d worn for pledge initiation; it was this scoop neck blue number, a silky material with brief sleeves and a knee-length skirt. The girls, Brianna especially had drilled into me how important is to wear different outfits, but this dress had special meaning to me. It was what I was wearing when my sister had taken my pledge; I would probably keep this long after I graduated. I think Remy noticed; she kind of smiled and smoothed out the wrinkles in the top before she sat down next to me.

“You’re not the only one,” She said. “Not by far. It’s been a trying time for all of us; we’ve challenged opinions and conclusions that we thought were immovable. You’ve shown us a different way of thinking, even if…that wasn’t your intention. Everyone here is proud of you, not only for what you’ve become, but for what you’ve shown us.”

“I feel more like I’ve gone through the spin cycle on a busted washing machine,” I snorted. “Like…I love it here, but I’ve been through so much. This is SO not what I had in mind for my college experience.”

“Well,” Remy said. College is…never what people think it’s going to be. Everyone’s experience differs, though usually it’s just more homework than they thought, or maybe…relationship issues. Most people don’t go through what you did. Actually I don’t think anyone has, but hey, I could be wrong. You did good Allie, you worked to become who you are, you’re a lot happier now, and you helped us all in the process. Now, get up and come do this ceremony. The sooner we get done the sooner we can eat. I’m starving.”

The conference room tables had been cleared out, but I had no idea where they’d been put. Then again, who cares. As I joined the rest of our pledge class the first thing I noticed was that the logo on the floor had been changed; they’d done that really quickly. The room was dark; I could see my sister and mother standing beside Laura and Remy near the front, the rest of the active members were standing around the edges of the room; each one holding a lit candle much like the sister ceremony that we’d had weeks ago. There was an excitement in the air unlike anything I’d felt before. This time I wasn’t nervous, I was anxious for the future; a future that I had helped to form through my actions. The pledges around me were excited, proud, ready to move forward. It’s hard to explain the atmosphere and the feelings that were surging through the space, I guess you would have to be there.

Remy started the ceremony off by stepping forward and speaking.

“Today we stand here, in the same room as always but it is a different place. A place of acceptance, a place of new beginnings, a place where each and every one of you will form your future. You all have the honor and privilege of being the first pledge class in this newly christened sorority, a sisterhood formed on a pledge that reaches deeper and burns brighter than any before. Today, signifies the day that we renew our bonds but form new ones, and with that said, each of you, as I call your names will step forward and place your Alpha Gamma pins in this bowl. This is the end of the old, and the beginning of the new. After placing your pins in the bowl, please step over here, and kneel.”

One by one they called our names, and one by one we stepped forward, dropping our old pledge pins and taking a kneeling stance near the front of the room, just feet away from where the officers, my sister, and my mother stood. Mom and Brianna kept their eyes fixed on me. Had I done well? Had I made them proud? I hoped so.

“We kneel in servitude, but as sisters we rise together. Move through life, and obstacles with grace, never forget the bonds that you have formed here, and pledge your servitude not to an organization, but to one another. Now rise, as sisters of Alpha Rho.”

And that was it. It had taken far less time than I had anticipated, and as I stood, Remy, mom, and Brianna stepped down to hug me.

“Congratulations, Allison,” My mother said. “I am so very, very proud of you.”

“So am I,” Brianna smiles as she straightened out wrinkles in my dress again.

“Me too,” Remy said. “But I’m going to show you just how proud I am later…probably after dinner. We’re going to try the Tawdry Tube.”

“You…have a pool?” Brianna cock her head. What the hell were they talking about?

“Well,” Mom said. “I believe we have a dinner to get to, and…tomorrow, obviously I want to take you shopping. Your wardrobe is a little lacking and I want to make sure you’re set for the next four years.”

“I would love that, mom,” I said quietly. The room was beginning to clear out, we were almost alone. “So what now? What’s the next step for us?”

“Well,” Remy said. “Your mother has most graciously outlined our philanthropy requirements, so we’ll have to get to work on that starting tomorrow. Also, we’ll need to get you settled into your new officer position. You’ll need to lay out how you want to handle any potential transgender pledges, the rules, expectations for their treatment, the whole nine yards. That’s going to be up to you.”

“I’ve already ordered new pledge pins for us,” Mom added. “We’ll need to send the Alpha Gamma ones back to…whatever happens to be left of them. The houses that did leave AG are already in contact with us and we’re working on getting them set up with the new Alpha Rho gear. Shirts, sweats, dresses, the works. We have a lot to do and I want to get it all done throughout the month. Fortunately we’re not alone. If we were it would have been a serious financial strain, but since the AG board split, we have access to more assets than we would have.”

“So I guess all we can do now…is eat,” I smiled.

“Hey, are you guys coming?” Laura shouted out from the door. “Everyone’s waiting on you, Michelle’s about to sexually assault the fried chicken platter!”

“You’re such typical college students,” My mom rolled her eyes. “Is chicken really the best you could come up with?”

“No,” I sighed. “It’s just that the author of this story has an obsession with chicken. It’s probably the only thing she knows how to cool.”

“There you go with that theory again,” Remy smirked. “Maybe next time she’ll write something more interesting.”

“Hah, maybe so,” I laughed.

“Guys, come ooonnnn!” Laura called out again. “I haven’t eaten since the last time I ate!”

“Alright, alright, coming!” Remy conceded. We began walking toward the door, toward an uncertain future, but all in all, there wasn’t anywhere else I would rather be.

My Dearest Sister,

Allison, I’m writing this letter to you as you commence on your journey as a member, not of Alpha Gamma, but of Alpha Rho. When I graduated from Bellcrest all those years ago I couldn’t have imagined that you would join my old house, or that you would make such a monumental difference in the way that it operates. Things are always changing, and I’ve come to learn that sometimes, the people we least expect make the biggest changes. There are so many things that I want to say to you and only so much time in the world, so all I’m going to do is give you the same advice that mother gave me when I started my journey.

First and Foremost: Be Brave

Life is going to throw curve balls at you. Sometimes you might lose the job that you always dreamed of having, other times you might find yourself in a broken relationship. There are so many things that can change in the blink of an eye, and at the end of the day the most important thing you can do is pick yourself up and move on to the next big thing. Don’t be afraid to take on a challenge, don’t be afraid to defy the odds. You’ve got this girl, I believe in you.

Secondly: Be Yourself

There are a lot of people in this world who are going to tell you who you should be. Don’t let them. You are a beautiful person and a beautiful woman all on your own and I for one think that the world is getting an amazing gift.

Third: Trust in Those you Love

You’ve gained so much in the last two months; you have amazing, sisters who love you. You have Remy, who probably does things to you that are illegal in the state of Alabama and at least three fourths of Asia. You have me, you have mom, you have so many things that other people would love to have. You are an individual person and a strong woman but you are greatly influenced by the company you keep. Don’t be afraid to ask them for help or advice, don’t be afraid to love them. Life is short, make the most of it.

Fourth: Believe in Yourself

The world is a cruel place, Allison. It’s going to tell you that you’re not good enough, it’s going to tell you that you don’t belong and to be honest, you’re going to have it rougher than others. If you’re ever feeling down, or if you’re ever feeling that you’re not good enough, I want you to think back and remember the time when you inspired a nationwide change and altered the course of a century’s old organization. I want you to remember the love and happiness that you brought to us and I want you to remember the sisterhood that you gained – a bond that will be with you for the rest of your life.

Allison, I won’t always be with you, we have our own lives and our own ambitions, but I carry you in my heart wherever I go. I remember so well that annoying little brother who used to bug me when we were kids. I remember this one time you asked me: “Brianna, how big is the world?”. I replied with: “Bigger than you can imagine!”. The next week you came back with: “Brianna, I looked it up, the sky is only twenty miles high.”. I was so annoyed but in the end it’s your sense of curiosity and your drive to explore that is going to make your life amazing. Keep exploring, keep inspiring, and most importantly: keep being yourself. I’m proud of you, Mom is proud of you, and I fully believe that as you move forward, a sister of Alpha Rho, a student of Bellcrest, and most importantly, my sister, you’re just going to continue to make us proud. I love you sis, thanks for everything.

Love,
Brianna

Alpha Gamma Sorority
1175 W 16th Street
Indianapolis, IN
46224

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

REGARDING ALLISON PARSONS AND AG STANDARDS FOR MEMBERSHIP

Since the founding of our Alpha Gamma in 1871 we have made huge strides in the areas of acceptance and equality. Many of our full members, pledges, and alumni are from varying walks of life but the one standard that we have always upheld is that of female membership. A sisterhood must be formed of women who share similar interests and whom will be able to form lasting bonds. Recently in an attempt to move forward and progress our vision we put into place a pilot program where we accepted a transgender applicant, Allison Parsons and we attempted to integrate her into the Bellcrest Chapter of Alpha Gamma. Unfortunately, this did not go as planned. An altercation with another pledge led us to the conclusion that Mr. Parsons simply was not right for our organization and that he should in fact seek life elsewhere. This is not to say that we do not sympathize with her, but rather that we are now of the belief that it is best for us, and those we are charged with protecting within our organization that we restrict membership and occupancy of the houses to those who were born biologically female or at the very least those who have received the necessary sexual reassignment surgery. It is important to keep in mind that this does not indicate that we find issue with transgender women or transgender people in general, we do however believe that they would be better suited in alternative organizations.

Sincerely,

Lydia Petrello
President
Alpha Gamma Sorority

Please refer all questions and comments to:

[email protected]

Blog Entry

October 10 2019 / 02:19 AM EST
Posted By: HaileyGrl18197

Hey gals it’s your girl, Hailey. I know this blog has been quiet for like a week but it’s because I’ve been watching this whole Allison situation going on over at Bellcrest. As the president of AG, Van Buren chapter I have a few things to say about it and let’s be honest, some people aren’t going to like it. The first thing I want to say is that transgender women are women – there’s no arguing that fact and if you try to argue that with me then you’re a horrible human being. When I became president of Alpha Gamma here at Van Buren I like to think that I took a pledge similar to Allison’s. I pledged to uphold a bond and obligation to a sisterhood that would support me throughout the rest of my life, and I them. After watching her video I’m convinced that Allison Parsons was done a great injustice and she delivered a powerful speech. She knew that she wasn’t getting back in, you could see it in her face. So what does that mean for me exactly?

Given how many friends I have in the LGBT community I cannot simply stand by and remain silent as one of our own is cast aside as if she were nothing but a piece of garbage. Allison pledged to Alpha Gamma and in return, Alpha Gamma owed her their own pledge which they did not fulfill. They abandoned her and left her vulnerable and for that reason I am walking away from Alpha Gamma here in my senior year at Van Buren university. I would much rather face the collegiate landscape on my own than be associated with an organization that promotes hate. I call upon all of my Alpha Gamma sisters to do the same. Take #AllisonsPledge, #walkaway from Alpha Gamma.

Blog Entry

October 16 2019 / 07:37 AM PST
Posted By: BrendaLewis16

The ‘Allison’ Situation

As a teacher my job is to not only impart education but to ensure the well being of my students. In a way, a big way it is my personal opinion that the board of directors at Alpha Gamma harbor a similar obligation to the students that they allow to pledge to their organization. As an Alpha Gamma member from 1998 to 2002, I can relate to many of the sentiments conveyed by Allison during her speech to the board a few weeks ago. The implications of sisterhood, the lifelong bonds, the feeling of belonging, all of it resonates with me, and all of these are things that I walked away with upon graduating Ericsson University. The experiences that I gained there are second to none and can never be replaced; I applaud Ms. Parsons for recognizing the importance of those relationships and choosing them over and kind of submission to the AG leadership. Now with that being said, did Alpha Gamma do anything wrong? To really ascertain that we need to look into the facts:

Transgender Acceptance in Sororities

No matter what Alpha Gamma wants to think, what they did was not revolutionary. Omega Alpha Chi at the University of Kansas opened their doors to transgender applicants years ago (https://www.kansascity.com/news/nation-world/national/articl...) and so far it has gone smoothly. The implication as relayed to Allison was that the other sororities she rushed were angry about her insulting them by dressing as a woman. This would be a falsehood; their anger would stem from her presentation of decidedly false information. Allison Parsons is guilty of nothing more than being a confused transgender woman in a college setting. I can’t say I’ve been there, but I can certainly understand the social pressure.

Bid Extension and Acceptance

No matter what, Alpha Gamma cannot use the excuse that they didn’t ‘know’ Allison was transgender. They were very aware and they had accepted her as she was, otherwise there would not have been an appeal hearing. Allison accepted the bid and was inducted as a pledge into the ranks of Alpha Gamma as thousand of girls before her have been. Fundamentally she was no different and shouldn’t have been treated differently.

Lack of Investigation

The standard operating procedure for a situation of this nature would be for Panhellenic to launch an investigation prior to expelling Ms. Parsons from their organization even temporarily. To expel her permanently after a mere fifteen minutes of debate is not only absurd but immoral at best. In my opinion, Alpha Gamma embarked on a mission to appear as if they were the vanguards of equality but instead nearly destroyed Ms. Parsons on a whim. That itself is unconscionable.

Walking Away from Alpha Gamma

Over the last few days I have seen countless posts from sorority members across the nation, including a few high ranking Alpha Gamma officers announcing their intention to #walkaway from Alpha Gamma and to take #AllisonsPledge. I believe her pledge is important as it embodies everything that we are as sisters but I also believe that outright abandoning Alpha Gamma is a foolhardy move. Where will these displaced Greeks go? By walking away they lose much of the sisterhood that they love, and it is unlikely that they will be absorbed into other houses. In my opinion as a former Alpha Gamma sister, I believe it is more responsible to either work to bring about change, or to form an independent sorority organization using the resources and Assets of Alpha Gamma itself. Don’t #walkaway, inspire change. Nothing in history has ever been changed by tucking tail and running from the problem.

Synopsis: Watch the story from Brianna’s point of view as she receives an unexpected phone call.

My eyes shot open as I heard the phone ring. The room was bathed in darkness, still, and the clock beside my bed read 5:59 AM. Who in the actual hell was calling me at almost 6 in the morning? This was my day off, right? I checked the phone screen. Yep, Saturday. I squinted a bit, I knew the number. Why did I know that number? I swiped the answer icon and held the phone to my ear.

“Hello?” I said, doing my best impression of an ‘awake’ person.

“Hello Brianna,” I heard my mother’s voice from the other end of the phone. “It’s your mother.”

“Gathered that,” I said. “Why are you calling so early?”

“We have a problem,” She said to me. I could feel the tension in her voice. This had to be bad. “We need you to go pick your brother up from school. Just bring him to your house, he’s done.”

“Done?”

“I’m cancelling his tuition. You and I are in a conference call right now with Amber Geer.”

“Wait wait, hold on,” I sat straight up in bed. Thank god I was sleeping alone last night, I didn’t want to have to chase anyone out. “Amber Geer from Panhellenic?”

“Hi Brianna, it’s been a while,” Amber’s voice came from the other end of the phone. What the hell were they doing calling me at this hour? This was all so…random? Yeah that was the word I was looking for. Random. “As you know, this time of year all of our houses nationwide host Rush. It’s a weeklong event, where—”

“Amber I remember what Rush is, it hasn’t been that long,” I snapped. “What does this have to do with Miles exactly?”

“Your brother,” Mom said. “Decided to dress up as a girl and join the rush group. Not only that, he gave them a laundry list of false information and was dumb enough to put his real phone number on the application he filled out.”

Well that was weird, but it was college, right?

“So some kind of college prank? I mean we’ve had guys do that to a house,” I said. “It’s not like it’s anything new. Why would you pull his tuition over that?”

“He rushed every house.”

At this point I turned my bedside light on.

“Every house? You’re joking.”

“We decided to inform you first,” Amanda said. She sounded almost sympathetic. “Normally we would just let the school take care of it but because of who your family is, we wanted to give you a heads up.”

“Hold up,” I said. “If he rushed every house and gave his real phone number that means every house is going to be out for blood. Just one, not really a problem, but all of them? That’s going to get some blood boiling. It’s like….”

“Making a mockery of the Greek system,” My mother finished. “The Greek system that we poured our heart and souls into when we were that age. I don’t know about you, but I’m not happy.”

“I’m going down to his dorm right now,” I said hurridly. “I want to know what’s going on.”

“Okay but before you do that,” Amanda said. “We have Remy Francis from Alpha Gamma on the line.”

“He rushed Alpha Gamma?!” I practically screamed.

“I said every house,” Mom said very matter of factly. “I don’t know what you thought I meant by-“

“Let’s just get Remy on here,” I head a click as Amanda opened the line. “Remy, are you there?”

“Yes, I’m here, who are we on with?” Remy’s voice came in a little strained. It was way too early for her too.

“I have Brianna and Valerie Parsons, Miles parents. What did you want to speak with us about?”

“When we realized who Miles was and how his family was associated with us we did a lot of digging. I mean a LOT. We realized that Miles…might not be playing a prank. We used some fancy search algorithms and found him in a lot of transgender groups on Facebook, and he’s posted on quite a few forums. We…have a pretty complete picture.”

“A complete picture? What do you mean?” Mom demanded. “Are you saying he’s—”

“Yes, that’s what it looks like,” Remy said.

“Mom?” I said questioningly.

“I’m an educated woman,” She said. “I’m not going to discount the idea, but even if that were true, it’s still a potential expulsion. The other houses could report it has harassment, they could do…any number of things. I think we should pull him out of school before it escalates and turns our family into a laughing stock.”

“Maybe there’s another way,” I interjected. “I…kind of keep up on Alpha Gamma and I know you guys were thinking of opening your doors to transgender women.”

“We have thought about it, yes,” Amanda said thoughtfully. “But we just haven’t had the time and there are so many nuances. Like being able to trust-“

“If my brother is a transgender woman then you have your answer,” I said quickly. “He…she…would be a legacy. A member of an upstanding Alpha Gamma family going back generations. This is doable. It solves all of the problems. It helps to get your initiative off the ground and it makes it look like he…I mean she was seriously looking for a house.”

“So you’re saying you want your brother to join Alpha Gamma?” Remy didn’t sound opposed, more curious than anything.
“Yes,” I said. “If she’s a transgender woman, for real, then I want her protected and I can’t think of a better place for her than Alpha Gamma. I want this to happen.”

“This isn’t my decision alone,” Amanda said. “I’ll call you back in half an hour.”

“Yes, do that,” I said, as I hung up the phone.

I climbed out of bed, no use trying to go to sleep now. For a while I just wandered around my house in a daze. Downstairs I put a pot of coffee on and tapped the counter impatiently as I waited for my phone to ring again. The coffee poured from the machine and into the pot, and suddenly something occurred to me. I left the kitchen in a hurry, my long cotton robe trailing behind me like a cape as I tumbled up the stairs toward my bedroom.

I tore open my closer and sifted through the dresses until I came to it. Yeah, this one floral blue dress. Well, dark blue. This was weird to me because first of all, the sash was untied, I always tied the sashes when I hung my dresses up. It was just an OCD thing I guess. Then there was the fact that the front was facing the back of the closet. I always hung my dresses up with the front facing the door. I’d noticed it earlier and figured maybe I was losing my mind but maybe…maybe there was something else to it.

I quickly pulled the dress off the hanger and partially turned it inside out. Deodorant stains in the armpits. This definitely wasn’t just some one time prank, there was something serious going on here. I felt a quick twinge of pain for him. If he was really transgender, and if he had been hiding it, then I couldn’t even imagine the amount of pain that he had been in all this time. It was…astronomical. Before I could think about it too much, the phone rang. It was Panhellenic again. I answered.

“Yes?” I said.

“Hi Brianna, it’s Amanda again. I’m on with Remy and your mother. I just spoke with Tracey and the other board members. We’re going to give this a try.”

“You are?” I asked. I was shocked.

“Don’t sound so shocked,” Amanda said. “You know we’ve been trying to move in this direction for a while, this is just a really good opportunity. Like you said, a legacy from an affluent, upstanding family. If you can get h..her to pledge then you should be able to clean up the mess.”

“I can get her to pledge,” Remy interrupted. “We can just trick her into coming back by the house, I’ll say I have her book or something.”

“There are conditions,” Amanda said. Of course there were. “You’re going to be in charge of her, Brianna. I want you to move into the house, room with her. You’re her sister, you keep her under control.”

“I can do that,” I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me nod. “But I have a condition of my own.”

“What’s that?” Amanda asked.

”I want to take her pledge. When she says the words, I want her to say them to me.”

“That can be arranged,” Remy said. “We’re having the ceremony on Sunday; if you get up here before then I can have you walk up to her in line.”

“I’m on my way, right now,” I said, hanging up the phone. I closed my eyes and clenched my fist. “I’m so sorry Miles, I didn’t know.”

“Look at that, we did it!” Remy said happily, slapping what looked like a massive cup she’d sat on the kitchen table. “We hit them right where it hurts!”

I looked up from my phone and glanced over at the table. Was that a trophy or a soup bowl on steroids?

“You did…what?” I was almost afraid to ask.

“We got Pi Lambda Sigma’s Greek Week trophy! Now we just have to figure out what we’re going to do with it!” Laura beamed.

“You…broke into their house and took their trophy?” I sort of gaped over at the table. What was even happening here?

“That’s what they get for calling me basic,” Remy shrugged. “And you’re my girlfriend, you should be supporting me. Tell me I did a good job!”

“Uh…”I started to say, but was rudely interrupted by Veronica rushing out of the kitchen with a piece of what I could only assume was banana nut bread on a white plate accompanied by a fork.

“Allison!” She practically shrieked. “I did it! I cooked my first loaf off zucchini bread! I want you to have the first taste!”

Okay, maybe it wasn’t banana nut bread. Is there really a difference anyway?

“Oh…wow,” I said with a smile. “I am…I am so honored!”

“Come on, try it!” She said, pushing the plate toward me. In the least few weeks I’d seen this girl burn a hard boiled egg, somehow transform no-bake cookies into brownies, and set a banana on fire. I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into here. I gingerly took the plate and glanced at her, giving her another quick smile before I took the fork between two fingers and cut a piece of the bread. I could already tell this was going to be a disaster; bread isn’t supposed to be that tough. I pursed my lips a bit and lightly shoved a piece into my mouth and chewed it, making a mock ‘mmmm’ sound as I nodded toward her.

“That is AMAZING,” I said with a smile. “You are going to ace that cooking class.”

It tasted like moldy concrete and goat piss.

“Thank you SO much!” She jumped up and down a bit, clapping her hands before rushing back into the kitchen, presumably to cook something that would kill the president of Pi Lambda Sigma. I blinked a bit before shaking my head to clear it and walked toward the table where Remy and Laura were still admiring the stolen trophy. Ignoring that for a moment I got right down to business.

“Hey so Remy?” I said, holding the plate and trying to strike the cutest possible pose. “I was wondering if maybe we could talk about um…the trans inclusion stuff? I kind of drew up a draft for-“

“Hey, hon?” Remy placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me. I kind of melted. “Right now I’m REALLY busy with some house finance stuff. I literally don’t have time to think about anything else-“

“Other than stealing trophies?” I glanced at the massive cup sitting on the table.

“Okay, other than stealing trophies, but that was a matter of honor, dear,” She smirked at me.

“Yep,” Laura said. “No one calls our president ‘basic’ and gets away with it.”

“Okay,” I said, rolling my eyes. “The thing is, I have like a ton of questions. We’re accepting trans rushes but what does that mean exactly? How many do we take? What are the requirements? Do they need to be on hormones? Do they need to be presenting female? Is it on a case by case basis? I’m trying to figure out how we can make choices without looking like discriminating assholes-“

“Allison!” Remy interrupted me and laughed. “Honey, when is rush?”

“Well, next year,” I conceded. “But-“

“But nothing!” She laughed. “Look, I know you’re all gung ho about this, but like, seriously, take a few days, relax. You made it into a sorority, you’re a sister, have some fun with it. Yeah there’s going to be a ton of work but why don’t you go out and like, hang out with people? Maybe go soak up some of that well-earned fame around campus?”

To be honest I’d been avoiding the outside world pretty hard other than going to class; I had already been a YouTube sensation and the fame was a little more than I could handle. Remy had pretty much torn me a new butthole, telling me that as a journalism major I should really come to expect fame. She was right but dammit I was in college; I wasn’t a world class reporter, or a war correspondent yet, was I? She was right though, eventually I was going to have to make an appearance, especially if I wanted to keep this thing going. Besides, what the hell did I have to complain about? I’d started the school year as a geeky guy who dreamed of being a girl and now, I was a girl living in a sorority house. How did that even happen?

“You’re right,” I smiled. “I should really get out, get some fresh air, meet a cute girl or…buy a video game.”

“That’s the spirit!” She laughed. “I hear you love video games, Brianna tells me you play a lot of Elber Scrolls.”

“Elder Scrolls,” I corrected. “But uh…yeah, I mean, I guess I could hook up my PS3.”

“A PS3? You’re a gamer and you don’t even have a 4 yet?”

“I’m a little behind,” I shrugged.

“Oh boy,” She laughed. “Well get caught up, have some fun, and um…maybe next week we can talk about our policies, okay? I have a lot of things to do so…”

“So you’ll need some zucchini bread?” I suggested with a smile, handing the plate to her.

“That sounds absolutely perfect,” She said as she took the plate. “Now go, have some fun!”

I bounded up the stairs toward the room I was now sharing with Veronica. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, but Remy still had the presidential suite and she wasn’t giving it up anytime soon and I spent less time in there than you would think. She was always so busy and at the end of the day, half the time we were so tired that we would just collapse into our individual beds. You know, in the beginning of our relationship the cuddling really had been nice, but as time went on I realized it was just a sweaty affair with another person breathing down the back of your neck, and you being afraid to get up and go to the bathroom because you might wake the other person up. The perils of being the little spoon, I swear.

As I walked through the hallway and passed by one of the rooms I recoiled as a pair of panties slammed into the side of my face.

“What the hell Lila?” I shrieked as I practically slammed into the wall. “Oh…oh my…oh my god!”

“I am SO sorry,” Lila said as she came out of her room and peeled them off of my face. I cringed and nearly curled up into the fetal position. “I um…they were my favorite and I just got…mad.”

I stared at her, trying to speak but the words just weren’t coming. I sputtered a few things here and there, I think they were obscenities.

“It won’t happen again, okay?” She said. “Besides, I didn’t even know it was starting, and I’m ready now! Next time I throw a pair of panties into the hall in anger they won’t be um…you know.”

“Uh..huh…” I muttered quietly as I quickly ran from her, down the hall and toward my room. Holy shit this day was off to a great start.

My room was empty, apart from my belongings of course. Veronica must have been off somewhere doing something productive, like I should be. I’m pretty sure she volunteered at a soup kitchen on Saturdays, or the animal shelter, or…whatever it was she was into. Maybe I should get into something like that; Remy had told us that our own volunteer hours could count toward the sorority’s philanthropy hours for the month so it was worth a try, right? Pushing those thoughts out of my mind I found my purse and touched up my makeup in the vanity mirror before heading out.

“Hey, you!” Remy said as I walked down the stairs and toward the front door. “Take this back, bitch.”

I reached out and took the plate of zucchini bread from her which was now half eaten. I could tell from the look on her face that she was less than happy. I fought the urge to smirk but I think I lost. She shook her head and started to turn away when a there came a knock at the door.

“Could one of you get that?” Laura called over.

“Yeah,” I’ve got it,” I said. Anything to get away from Remy and her death glare. I brushed past her, still feeling her eyes upon me as I made my way toward the door. I was still a little apprehensive as I opened it, I don’t know why. I was kind of reminded of those days back in my dorm, especially during rush week when I’d stepped cautiously into the hallway, looking both ways to make sure no one saw me. I shouldn’t be afraid at this point, people knew who I was and it wasn’t like I was hiding some big secret anymore. Force of habit, I guess. I pulled the door open with the patent smile that Remy insisted Alpha Rho members wear when they greeted people at the door, but I wasn’t prepared for what I was about to see. It was a boy, about my age I think, tussled blonde hair and, freckles, and one of his eyes blackened, maybe from a fist. I looked him over carefully, took note of his long sleeves and his timid demeanor. He could barely keep eye contact with me, and he was tense. Like he wanted to run. “Hi…” I said cautiously.

He looked up at me for a moment, but his eyes quickly darted away, then came back to me as he tried to force words through split and blistered lips. I was starting to get freaked out, it wasn’t the first time I’d seen something like this. Finally he spoke, his voice cracking a bit.

“Are…are you Allison Parsons?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes, I am, who are you?” I tilted my head.

“Please,” He said. Please…help me.”

I stared at the guy for a full minute trying to discern who he might be, then it finally occurred to me to actually ask him.

“What do you need help with?” I asked with genuine concern. He really was worse for wear and I thought about inviting him in but I really didn’t want to bring a boy into the house. “What happened to your face?”

“I…” He said, shifting uncomfortably on the porch, his eyes darting to the left and right as if he was excepting something to come at him. “I don’t want to…I’m afraid to say…”

“You’re going to have to say something,” Remy said, walking up behind me. “Otherwise you can just get on your way.”

“Hey, wait up,” Laura strode toward us and moved past me. She stood in front of the boy and looked at his face, trying to make eye contact. She went so far as to gently place a hand under his chin and lift his head. “Did someone hurt you? Allison for god’s sake, don’t you have any empathy?”

“It was…um…” He stuttered and then looked down again. Laura quickly wrapped an arm around him and guided him into the house, bringing him to the common room and instructing him to sit on the couch.

“Someone hurt you,” She said. “And you came here, looking for Allison specifically. I think we can all put the pieces together here.”

“We can?” I asked curiously. I had no idea what the hell was going on.

“What’s your name?” Laura asked the boy.

“It’s um..it’s Tyler,” He said quietly, keeping his eyes fixed on the carpet. I was starting to recognize his expression, it was so similar to mine when I’d first come to this house. He had that whole deer in headlights thing going on for sure.

“Are you sure?” Laura asked, taking a knee in front of him and looking into his eyes for a moment as we stood and looked on. “Do you…have another name you go by?”

Now I was interested. Was this guy trans? Why hadn’t I picked up on it? Of course, at some point in my life I should probably accept that transdar isn’t real, and maybe, just make there had been fifty billion other signs since he’d shown up on the porch, but who was counting? I looked at him for a moment and kind of internally pleaded for him to say no. If he was a trans girl and if he…she had come here seeking my help, then I suddenly had a lot of responsibility on my shoulders.

“It’s…it’s…um…” He trailed off again, I could see tears forming at the corners of his eyes. I finally bent down and laid a had on his shoulder.

“Hey,” I said quietly. “It’s okay, you’re safe here, I promise.”

“Are you sure?” His voice cracked as he finally looked up at me. I did my best to smile, though I wasn’t sure who I was to be making promises like that.

“I…yes, yes, I promise,” I said. At least I didn’t cross my heart and hope to die.

“My name is Angela,” He said finally. I didn’t have to wonder what it felt like for her to say that name out loud, I’d been there. I remembered how much help I’d needed back then. Holy shit this was intense.

“Angela,” I said. “It’s very nice to meet you. Can you tell us what you’re running from?”

“It’s…my…it’s my dad,” She finally said. “I…he didn’t like the way…you know, the way I was. I came out to my parents and they said it was the devil, and they…called our pastor. He….said there was a way to cure people like me.”

“That’s horrible,” Remy said softly. “What did they do to you? Did they send you somewhere?”

“There was this place, it was like…a church camp kind of. They sent me there. It was um…Camp Chipenwood…”

“Camp Chipenwood?” Remy said. “That’s literally right up the road, I thought it was just a summer camp.”

“They made us do things, like…they made us read Bible verses and…we had these guides who would teach us how to be ‘manly’, I guess. I wasn’t doing…a good job of it.”

“What do you mean?” I asked curiously. “What did you do wrong? Well I mean you didn’t do anything wrong but…did they hurt you? Did they give you that black eye?”

“They…I guess….I could just show you..” Angela reached downward and lifted her pant legs, revealing an array of bruises that nearly made me vomit. Her legs had been beaten black and blue, I couldn’t tell with what.

“Angela,” Remy said quietly. “How old are you?”

“I’m uh…when they sent me away I was seventeen…that was…um…in 2018…what’s the date?”

“Do you have like, a license or a state ID or something?” Laura asked her. She held her hand out as Angela reached into her back pocket, removed her wallet and handed her the state ID - not a license; obviously she wouldn't have one. I briefly took note of her bruised fingertips. I felt like I was going to be sick.

“She’s eighteen,” Laura said, handing the ID back. “So what do we do?”

“Um, sidebar,” Remy said, pulling me to my feet and practically dragging me to the meeting room across the foyer. Laura followed. “Allison you’re not in any condition to start helping people. You’re just figuring out who you are, that’s why I told you to concentrate on having fun and studying. You need to learn yourself before you can help other people learn who they are, I know it sounds harsh but-“

“But she came here looking for me!” I argued. “Like…I brought it on myself with all the viral media and the fame, and the chocolate banana thing, and…it wouldn’t be right for me to just tell her she’s—”

“There’s very little we can do,” Remy informed me. “She can’t stay here and-“

“What? Why can’t she stay here, we’re supposed to-“

“Um, Allison,” Laura said. “Even if she wanted to join, Rush doesn’t start until next year and I think we’re clean out of COB’s. We’re a Greek house, not a battered women’s shelter. We can find her resources, we can find her a place to stay, but we can’t just-“

“Well maybe we can find her a place nearby and we help her…transition, you know, as a group. We’re supposed to be all accepting, right?” I was practically pleading now.

“Uh…” Remy said, staring directly at me. “Do you um…remember reading that story in the news about that school in North Carolina? Woodcrest, I think it was? Gamma Alpha Tau? Remember how they tried that? When was the last time you heard of Gamma Alpha Tau?”

“If I remember correctly,” Laura interjected “That trans girl did just fine, she’s still over there.”

“Yeah, except their house got eaten up by Delta Omicron Epsilon and now their colors are hot pink and green,” Remy shook her head. “Plus I mean…you know what happened to their president…”

“I…don’t think that’s going to happen to you,” Laura kind of snorted. “Unless you’re planning to launder money through a salad processing company and blow the-“

“Okay enough,” I said. “If I can’t help her, what am I supposed to do?”

“Get her the number for a shelter, get some resources together, be her friend if you want, but try to keep your distance. You can’t get too close to the people you want to help, it makes things too…murky,” Remy was lecturing me at this point. “If you get too friendly with them, you’re just going to start listening to what THEY want instead of giving them what they need. So, for example, you know she needs mental health but all she wants to do is go live under a bridge and start a cult to Cthulu like that girl from GAT did over at Woodcrest. You know better, you know that living under a bridge isn’t conducive to her mental health, so you suggest alternatives and push her in the right direction. You’re going to face this problem a LOT if this is the path you want to go down, sweetie.”

I looked back over toward the common room, Angela was simply sitting there, playing with her thumbs nervously. It was a pose I’d struck myself so many times. What was going through her head? I’d been lucky; my family had accepted me, I’d been tossed into a sorority full of women who were more than willing to help but from everything I’d read online, I knew that wasn’t always the case. I’d been so lucky. Now I was face to face with someone who hadn’t been that lucky and my inexperience and guilt was weighing down on me like Atlas’s burden. What was I supposed to do here? What could I even do here?

“Brianna,” I said. “She could stay with Brianna for a while.”

“Hon,” Laura said. “You really want to tell Brianna she needs to let a stranger into her home? I know this is a bad situation but you still have to think about-“

“I want her to be safe, like I am,” I argued. “Brianna would-“

“I have literally no doubt that Brianna would help her, “ Remy said. “But think about it like this. You move this girl into her house, everything goes great, and then what happens when the next trans girl comes along? And then the next, and then the next, and then the next? Are you going to send them all to live with Brianna or what? Do you want her to run a shelter out of her house? I know you want to help but you have to think about your family and your personal space. If you start helping people in both your personal and your professional life, then where’s your peace? You have to take time for you. You ALWAYS have to take time for you, understand?”

“Okay so what can we do for her?” I asked desperately. Remy was right; everything she was saying was absolutely correct but how was I supposed to accept that? Angela had come to ME for help. That was my responsibility, wasn’t it? Was Remy going to step in every single time I tried to help someone? How was I supposed to get anything done?

“Well first,” Remy said. “We can get her something to eat, the poor thing looks starved. Secondly, we can call around to different shelters, see if they can get her in. I mean look, I know it sounds cold, but you have SO much more to experience and learn before you can go saving the world. If you push this too hard, you’re going to get hurt, I mean it.”

“I okay,” I nodded, pretending to concede at least. “So, we just need to – wait, where is she?”

Immediately, all three of us turned our heads and looked toward the common room: she was gone and the front door was standing wide open as if she’d made a break for it.

“Remy,” I said, the tension rising in my voice like the erection you get after seeing the trailer for a new Avengers sequel. “ Do you think she could hear everything we were saying?”

“I mean…” She said. “I guess…possibly?”

“We have to go find her,” Laura said. “I know we’re supposed to keep our distance but I think we just ran her out of the house.”

“Okay,” I said. “Let me go grab my purse and –“

“We’ll take my car,” Remy insisted. “We can drive around and look for her. I promise we’ll get her back and we’ll get her the help she needs.”

“So you say,” I glared at Remy. She stared back at me with what I could only describe as pity in her eyes. Why did she feel sorry for me?

“Let’s just get going,” Laura said. “She can’t have gotten far.”

“Wait, is that her over here?” I pointed toward a sort of outcropping of trees by the road where I thought I was seeing something, or someone. Remy squinted and slowed down a bit. I sort of fidgeted in my chair, pulling at my top. It was way too tight for my tastes but Remy had been curating my wardrobe. She’d told me that there was no point in having boobs if I didn’t have the tops to show them off, and with that, every top in my wardrobe was like one size smaller than it should have been. “I think..no that’s not her.”

“We really need to talk,” Remy said as she pressed on the accelerator and moved us out of the little patch of forest, back out into the more urban area, houses dotting the road on either side. The afternoon sun beat down hard on the hood of the car and Remy’s hair glistened. God she was beautiful. “Why are you staring at me?

“Why wouldn’t I stare at you?” I giggled a bit, a lopsided grin defining and betraying my mood.

“Oh my god,” She laughed. “You need to focus, remember what we’re out here for. Okay anyway, I need to tell you…I’ve been super distracted lately and it really hasn’t been fair to you. There’s some…stuff with the house that I’ve been trying to figure out and it hasn’t exactly been easy. Your mom’s…budget cap for us hasn’t exactly been kind. We can’t go all out like we did back when AG was in charge.”

“My mom,” I chuckled a bit. “She’s always been about letting people ‘figure things out’. You know she only gave us ten dollars a week for allowance?”

“Um, isn’t your family loaded?” Remy asked as she looked from left to right, surveying each side of the street.

“Yeah but I guess she was hoping we would find a way to double our money, or invest it or something.”

“And did you?”

“Nah,” I said, shaking my head. “I was never really that smart. But Brianna, she saved her weekly allowance, bought stock in some startup company and started quadrupling her allowance.”

“Um, question,” Remy raised an eyebrow as she veered down the street to the left. “Don’t you have to be eighteen to invest in the stock market?”

“Yep,” I nodded. “And she got her ass chewed pretty hard by mom for that one. But hey, she’s doing a lot better than me now so it must have all paid off in the end.”

“Honey,” Remy reached over and laid her free hand on top of mine. I smiled inwardly as her soft skin came into contact with mine. I could feel the warmth; my heart fluttered. “You’re in college, you’re going to graduate and you’re going to do amazing things, okay? Stop using her as a measuring stick for your own success, it’s not healthy. Besides, you’ve already done some amazing things, I mean look at you. Do you remember what you looked like when you first came to Alpha Gamma? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? How do you feel?”

“Remy,” I said quietly and flatly. “I still look like that if you take the makeup off. I need facial feminization surgery or something, you know?”

“I know that,” She nodded. “But how do you feel on the inside?”

“Honestly?” I said. “Sometimes I feel like an imposter. It’s like…I’m just wearing a mask or just pretending, or just going through the motions. I know I pass and I know it’s because you and everyone else at the house put so much work into me, but think about it. If I didn’t have access to the best makeup or the top tier insurance or the people around me, I could never have become who I am. There are so many trans people out there who will never get the opportunities that I’ve been given. I’m an anomaly, I feel like I didn’t work very hard to get here at all.”

“Oh sweetie,” Remy smiled. “Listen, you can’t compare yourself to other people, your struggle is your own. Do you know how many trans people struggle with stepping out of their front door for the first time? No, I don’t have to tell you, you already know, and guess what? You did that sweetie. You took that first step and started your journey. You did that, it’s all you.”

“You’re right,” I sighed. “And now that I’m here I feel like it’s my job to help other people take that step. People like Angela.”

“One thing at a time sweetie,” Remy patted my hand before returning hers to the steering wheel. “Let’s try to find her first, okay?”

“Okay,” I smiled. “We’ll find her first.”

As I finished that sentence, Remy’s phone rang. She held it up in front of her – a horribly dangerous habit when she was actually driving.

“It’s Laura,” She said, sliding the green ‘answer’ button toward the center. She talked for a few seconds and then hung up. She turned to my briefly “They found her, they’re taking her back to the house.”

“Well I guess I failed the whole ‘helping people’ thing on the first round,” I sighed. “I couldn’t even find her.”

“Yeah don’t think like that,” She said. “Just be glad someone did find her, even if it wasn’t us.”

Remy took a really dangerous u-turn in the middle of the street and I held on for dear life as her tires screeched, my stomach clutching the side of my torso for the duration of the motion until we were headed back toward the house. I kind of wanted to scream, but what good would it do? I finally released my death grip on the handle just as we pulled up in front of the house. Remy smirked a bit as she watched me let go.

“Hey, Allison,” Remy said, looking at me as we took our seat belts off. “Don’t yell at her or anything, she’s in bad shape and I don’t know how much she heard when we were talking in the other room. Just…”

“Yeah,” I know I smiled as I opened the door and climbed out onto the sidewalk, straightening my skirt as I rose from the seat.

“You ever consider wearing slacks?” She asked as she walked up next to me.

“Uh well, not really,” I admitted. “I spent most of my life being told that I had to wear pants, as a guy, and I was really, really scared to put a skirt on. I thought I’d be laughed at, you know? Now that I can, and now that it’s…acceptable, I really don’t want to go back. It’s kind of dresses and skirts from here on out.”

“I think I can understand that,” She nodded. “You wanted to be a girl, and now you can be. I dig it.”

We walked up the from sidewalk and through the front doors of the house where Laura was sitting with Angela, along with a few of the other girls. As I walked in I heard Veronica say “Okay you know what? Just sit right there, I’ll make you something to eat.”

“Oh!” Remy said as she walked in, smiling. “We have some leftovers in the fridge, why don’t you heat those up?”

“But I could make-“ Veronica started to say before Remy cut her off.

“Um, we uh…we have that rotisserie chicken! Angela loves chicken!” Remy was doing everything in her power to make sure Veronica didn’t cook.

“Well actually-“ Angela started.

“It’s settled then!” Remy said. “Rotisserie chicken! Yay!”

Veronica walked to the kitchen looking confused, and I could hear the ‘beep’ of the microwave a few moments later. I sighed with relief.

“So…Angela,” I said, taking a seat in front of her. “Do you…have a place to stay?”

She shook her head, I could see that she was worried. I would be too.

“I just…I left because by law they had to let me I think, but I haven’t really had any place to go. I’ve just been kind of wandering around. I know my parents don’t want me back and I saw you in on this website…I still have my phone, it was in my stuff when they sent me to camp so..”

“I’m on a website?” I looked to Remy and Laura.

“You’re on a lot of websites,” Remy said.

“Okay,” I said, trying to sound the least but authoritative . “First we need to find you a place to live, there are shelters, but maybe we can get you enrolled next semester and see about a dorm. There are financial aid programs, you probably qualify for at last one of them.”

“At least,” Laura nodded.

“I think my next question…” I trailed off a bit, I wasn’t quite sure how to put this. “Angela, do you want to live as a woman?”

She looked up at me, her face a portrait of confusion.

“What? I can do that?” She asked quizzically, it was as if she’d never considered it to be an option before. Maybe she hadn’t. “I mean…I’d need a lot of help and I don’t want to be…I don’t want to be trouble for anyone. That’s why I ran off…I felt like I was being too much trouble…”

“No honey,” Remy reassured her. “You’re not being trouble, we’re just idiots. We shouldn’t have been having that conversation out where you could hear us, okay? I’m really, really sorry about that.”

“Yeah,” Veronica said, walking out with a plate of chicken and handing it to her. “You need help, we’re going to help, right?”

“Yes we are,” I said. “And I’m going to start by calling a few shelters and talking to some people. We’re going to get this sorted out, I promise. In the meantime, we could teach you some girling basics and get you on the right track. It’s not going to be easy, but Laura and the others kind of whipped me into shape a few months ago.”

“We’re not done yet,” Remy said, looking at me firmly. “We’ve kind of taken a break because of house stuff but trust me, you have a long way to go. But hey, don’t sweat it, I absolutely, positively love you and I’m going to make sure you’re the best girl you can be. Oh, and Angela, you’re both going to get lessons.”

I blushed. I didn’t realize I’d been screwing up so much.

“Well um, you heard that,” I said to Angela. “So while I make some calls, maybe the other girls could take you upstairs and get you started.”

Her face kind of lit up. I knew that expression, and I knew what she was feeling. I’d probably felt it many times myself. Being transgender is…wild, to put it simply. You walk around seeing other women, seeing the clothes they wear and how they fit into them, and you think to yourself that you could never possibly look like that, that it’s impossible. It’s like your body is a cage, and you’re just trapped inside, screaming, pounding against a soundproof glass wall, and no one outside can hear you, or see you. You want to cry, you want to scream, you want to die, but you can’t do any of those things. So you just smile, you go through the motions, you go to school, you go to work, you talk to people, you laugh with them, but you’re never really you. The real you is locked away in that room, inside your mind, rocking back and forth in the fetal position, dying to get out. Part of me was still there. Part of me always would be.

“Come on upstairs lady,” Laura extended a hand. “I definitely have some stuff that would fit you, but you’re going to need a shower first.”

“Okay,” Angela smiled timidly and took her hand as she was led toward the stairs. As soon as they disappeared onto the second floor I turned to Remy.

“Let’s get to work.”

“I’m sorry Ma’am,” The voice on the other end of the phone said. “We can’t accommodate a transgender individual at our shelter. While I’m sure he’s a great…person, we can’t house him with the women.”

“You can’t house her with the men either!” I said angrily. “Do you know what could happen?”

“Did you try the shelter over on Bradbury?” The woman asked. I wanted to jump through the phone and strangle her.

“Of course I tried them,” I snapped. “They said the exact same thing and this is INSANE! You can’t just turn people away! Hello? Hello?!”

I pulled the phone away from my ear, the call had been disconnected. Of course it had, what else was I expecting?

“This is exhausting,” Remy sighed as she put her own phone down. “We’ve called like every shelter in the city, what are we supposed to do?”

“Can’t we just let her stay here?” I pleaded. “Just for tonight?”

“Look, Allison,” Remy said, shaking her head. “As much as I want to, it’s not my decision. If the AR board finds out about it, they’ll fine us. They really will. They’re not going to let it slide just because you live here. It’s not just your mom we’re dealing with here, okay? There are rules.”

“Those rules are bullshit,” I growled.

“Those rules literally keep us safe. Physically, and from losing our charter,” Remy reminded me. “Do I need to bring up the Woodcrest thing again? You remember what happened there, right?”

“Um,” I said. “Of course I remember, it was all over the news, but you know what? Maybe we could get some help from them. They dealt with a similar situation, after all. I mean, how did they fix it in the beginning?”

“Um, they traumatized her, got their charter pulled, and I’m pretty sure their ex-president got into organized crime,” Remy picked up the phone again and started to dial.

“Who are you calling?” I asked curiously. “I think we’ve covered all the shelters.”

“I’m calling your sister,” She said with a sigh. “I give up.”

“I thought you said-“

“I know what I said, now go upstairs and check on Angela.”

I rose from the felt-coated chair and wiped static electricity off my skirt as I made my way toward the stairs. I heard Remy speaking with my sister briefly as I ascended the stairs, keeping to the right with my hand on the rail – it was really a force of habit now. Walked around upstairs, I had to check a few rooms before I figured out where Angela was being kept, and I smiled a bit as I walked in on them. Laura, Michelle, Cassandra, Veronica and Angela were sitting together in the room, and to be honest, I only knew it was Angela because I know everyone else in the room personally. They’d done an amazing job, she looked exactly like a girl. They’d used one of my old wigs to frame her face and put her in an orange sundress with a flared skirt. It was a little bit overdone, considering, but I remembered how I was before I came to Alpha Gamma, or Alpha Ro, whichever you prefer. Being ‘overdone’ was kind of a thing with me, I wanted to be as girly as possible and it was still something I hadn’t quite shaken.

“Well hey,” I said from the doorway. “How’s it going?”

“Angela here is a natural,” Cassandra said. “Like she’s been practicing.”

The thing I noticed the most was that Angela couldn’t stop smiling, I kind of got it, but it wasn’t something that I’d been able to experience myself. All of my dressing had been in private, but when I’d finally been given ‘help’, I kind of felt like my soul had been doused in gasoline and set ablaze. Though let’s be honest, I kind of brought that on myself. The look on Angela’s face was genuine happiness, and I hoped it wouldn’t be fleeting. I had to wonder what other worries were weighing her down, and it was kind of hopeful that she was actually able to enjoy herself.

“That’s great,” I said with kind of an empty smile. “Um, so, Angela, we…weren’t able to get you into a shelter…”

“Wait, what?” Laura stood up from the bed aiming a concerned look in my direction. “Did you call every place? There’s no way they all turned her down.”

“Yeah it’s because-“ I started, but Angela interrupted me.

“I’m trans,” Angela said. “They don’t want to put me with other women. Um, I mean, if it’s a problem we can just say I’m a guy…I mean…I am…I kinda have boy parts and—”

“Not a good idea,” I said. “That’s not something I would be okay with, not at this point anyway. I don’t think you’d be comfortable.”

I could see it in her face honestly, she definitely wouldn’t have been comfortable.

“What are we going to do then?” Cassandra stared at me expectantly. “I don’t think Remy’s going to let her stay here…”

“Remy’s calling Brianna,” I explained. “She’s going to stay there for the night.”

Laura shot me a strange look, it wasn’t one of relief, it was almost as if she were worried. What was the problem? We’d solved the problem, right? Just as I was about to ask her what her problem was, Remy strode into the room with phone in hand.

“Okay,” Remy looked at each of us and glanced briefly at Angela who nervously twiddled her thumbs as she sat on the edge of the bed. “Brianna has agreed to house Angela, but just for tonight. Allison? You’re going over there-“

“I don’t really think that’s necessary,” I argued. I really didn’t want to leave the house.

“I don’t want to do a lot of things either, but here we are,” Remy shrugged. “Also, Brianna brought up a really good point: none of us thought to call the police.”

“The police?” Angela’s eyes went wide, she began to inch toward the edge of the bed, as if she were about to bolt toward the door. The girl was newly eighteen years old so it’s not like she had a criminal record.

“What’s wrong?” I asked her. “They’re right, we need to get you some help and maybe…I don’t know, track down whoever hurt you?”

“It’s just…” Angela continued to move toward the end of the bed; Laura stared intently at her. “If the police come…they…what if they talk to my parents? What if my parents find out I left?”

“You’re eighteen, right?” Cassandra said, stepping forward and taking Angela’s hand while simultaneously placing one on her shoulder, almost as if she intended to keep her from running. I didn’t blame her, we’d already had that incident. “They can’t do anything to you, they can’t touch you, they can’t—”

“I guess…I’m still afraid of disappointing them,” Angela said quietly as she stared down at her knees, still fidgeting with her hands and shifting her weight a bit under Cassandra’s grip. “I don’t want them to be…hurt.”

“What the hell?!” I demanded. “After what they—”

“Woah!” Remy said, walking around and placing a hand on my arm. “Allison, I think we need to go have a talk!”

“But!” I started to interject, but she was already pulling me out into the hall and leading me off toward her room. As we walked into the presidential suite I couldn’t help but think we needed to come here more often together.

“Okay, let me ask you a question,” Remy said, pushing me toward the bed until I lost my balance and plopped down onto the mattress. “Why did you pledge Alpha Gamma?”

“Uh…” I started, wondering if I was being asked a trick question. “I didn’t…really have a choice, did I?”

“I feel like you had a choice,” Remy said, crossing her arms and staring at me. “Let’s see, you could have just told your mom to go screw herself, applied for financial aid…probably even recovered your reputation within a year, I mean…but…you didn’t. Why?”

“I guess I didn’t want to disappoint my mom, or Brianna,” I said. “It just felt…I don’t know…”

“Because they’re your family, and you feel a responsibility to them,” She said. “You grew up with them, you grew to respect them, and your dad to a lesser extent.”

“It’s hard to respect someone through plate glass,” I muttered.

“Regardless!” Remy interrupted me. “Imagine if you’d been raised to respect them and…they were against your transition? What if you’d been raised to believe that everything you are…is wrong. Say for example you know you’re trans, but your parents don’t know, and as you grow up you constantly hear them making transphobic or homophobic remarks, you know they hate it, and you know that the respect for them that’s been instilled into you is contingent on you being what they want. You didn’t drop out of AG because you were fulfilling your implied pledge to your family. Angela is getting used to the idea that she’s about to break her pledge to HER family in order to be who she wants. Now, here’s the kicker, Allison. You want to help her, you want to take on the role of ‘savior’, which is admirable, but you’re going to have to understand that the two of you come from very different walks of life. What’s simple for you isn’t going to be simple for her. You need to be patient, and you need to not project yourself onto her. Am I making sense?”

“I…think so,” I nodded. “I think maybe we need help, or…I need help. I don’t think I can do this all alone.”

“Of course you can’t do it alone, Allison,” Remy said to me very matter of factly. “There are people who go to school for years for this, and you? You’re still pretty wet behind the ears. If you’re going to be a mentor of any type you’re going to have to ask for help, guidance, otherwise you’ll get yourself and others hurt. Don’t be stubborn, there’s a lot on the line, okay?”

“Okay,” I nodded. “I really appreciate you helping me with this, it’s all really…confusing.”

“You want to know what’s really confusing?” She asked, stepping toward me and grinning downward. “You have a closet full of your own clothes…and you’re wearing my top.”

“Uh…” I flushed a bit, embarrassed. “I…”

“Why do you keep wearing my stuff?”

“I guess…I just…I like feeling closer to you?” I admitted as she stepped a little closer. Suddenly she dropped down, straddling my lap and placed her hands on my waist.

“Is this close enough?” She giggled a bit. I squirmed, her legs held me in place.

“I think we have a lot to deal wi—“ I started to object, but suddenly, she began to tickle my sides. I squealed, but she silenced me by leaning in and pressing her lips against mine. Finally, she pulled away and grinned again. “What about Angela?”

“Laura and the others are taking care of Angela, and the police have been called,” Remy informed me. “Now I have something I want to work on with you. When we make out, about five minutes in, you crap out on me and stop kissing. I have to do all the work. So here’s what we’re going to do. You kiss me, get that tongue going, and every time you start slacking, I start tickling. Sound good?”

“What? No that doesn’t sound—” She cut me off by practically slamming our faces together and shoving her tongue down my throat. I grunted and tried to recoil, completely stunned, but the moment I did, she went to work with her hands. If she hadn’t been kissing me I probably would have started squealing but instead I thrust my tongue forward and started doing my half of the job. As promised, she ceased tickling. A few minutes later, I slowed, she started again. I struggled to squirm out of her grasp but only succeeded in making her push me toward the center of the bed. “Remy come on, can’t we just make out like normal people!”

“Apparently you can’t,” She laughed. “Come on, we’re not done yet.”

“God dammit!” I cursed as she dropped down and pressed her lips against mine again. I finally managed to squirm just enough that she lost her balance and rolled to the right, but instead of letting go, she dragged me with her toward the edge of the bed. “Oh holy shit!”

We immediately tumbled over the edge, slamming into the carpet and dragging the bedsheets with us. Remy laughed hysterically, I groaned and moved to jump on top of her.

“My turn!” I shouted.

“Ahem,” Laura’s voice came from the bedroom of Remy’s presidential suite. Like a shot, we both sat up and looked toward the door. To our horror, Laura, Cassanda, Michelle, and Angela were standing there, flanked by two uniformed police officers.

“Uh…hi…” Remy said, straightening her hair with the palm of her hand.

“Police are here,” Laura informed us.

“Do you two need a minute?” Michelle asked, a smirk forming on the corners of her mouth as they stood there with the two uniformed police officers.

“Yes,” I said, as I turned back Remy. She shook her head and literally pushed me off of her with both hands; I grunted as I fell to the floor.

“I am SO sorry,” She said, addressing the officers as she stood and straightened the wrinkles out of her top. I grabbed the edge of the bed and clambered to my feet, doing the same with my skirt and trying my best to act as if nothing had happened. “Did…anyone fill you guys in on what happened?”

“Yeah,” One of the officers said. “So, from what we understand, this young lady showed up at your door and told you that she came from Camp Chippenwood. As far as we know it’s just a summer camp but we do need to take a report and possibly open up an investigation.”

“Wait, an investigation?” I said, a bit of panic and anger seeping into my tone. “Why don’t you just shut it down? Did you see the bruises?”

“Ma’am,” The second officer said. “We need to do a full investigation before we take any action, and that starts with taking a report.”

“A report,” I shot back snidely. “Wonderful.”

“Calm down, Allison,” Remy placed a hand on my shoulder and stared at me, hard. “This isn’t helping, hon.”

I reluctantly shut my mouth and allowed Remy to step out in front of me. She unloaded the tale to the officers with me fuming behind her. Why were they taking a report? What was that going to do? We needed to go to Chippenwood and burn it to the ground. I think the thing that bothered me the most was how nonchalant both of them seemed; it was ridiculous! They had an abuse victim right in front of them and they weren’t going to do anything? Remy finished speaking to them and they left, no one even thought to talk to me. Instead we were left with Michelle, Laura, and Cassandra, and of course Angela standing in the middle of the room looking confused.

“So uh…how are you feeling?” I asked her. I’m going to be honest, I had no idea what to do. I think she sensed it to, she kind of looked at me and shrugged. She’d come here to seek advice and guidance from me, and I wasn’t really living up to her expectation, was I?

“We should probably let the whole thing go,” Angela said. “I mean, I’m out, they can’t hurt me anymore, I-“

“We can’t just let them get away with it!” I argued. “We have to-“

“Allison,” Remy said to me, once again giving me that look. “It’s just not the time.”

I wanted to speak up, I wanted to say something, but just as I opened my mouth, there was a knock on the bedroom doorframe.

“Hello?” Brianna said, stepping in. She must have driven here from work; she was wearing a black skirt and purple silky top, perfect for an office environment. In another life I might have been jealous of her. Today I was angry at the world. “Hi, you must be Angela!”

Angela sort of blushed; I don’t think she was even remotely prepared to meet someone new. I saw her playing with her hands, fidgeting. It was what I did whenever I was thrust into an uncomfortable situation. My turn. I stepped forward and smiled a bit, laying a hand on Angela’s shoulder.

“Angela, this is my sister, Brianna,” I said to her. “We’re going to her house tonight while we try to find you another place to stay.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll get it all worked out,” Brianna said reassuringly. “Right now though, we need to get you back to my house before it gets dark. I hate driving at night. Do you have anything you need to take with you?”

“Um…” Angela said. “Just…the clothes I came here with?”

“Oh, you can wear that out-“ Laura began to speak, but Angela sort of freaked out.

“Oh, no, no, I can’t go outside dressed like this,” She protested. “I mean…it’s just…I’m sorry…”

“Hey, hey, no need to apologize!” Brianna stepped forward, offering a warm smile. “You can change back, it’s fine. Just step into one of the bathrooms, we’ll make sure no one goes in.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” Angela returned the smile, but nervously. “I mean, I changed in front of everyone earlier.

That was right; she had. I remembered the first time I’d been in this house and had been practically forced to change in front of Michelle and Cassandra. I’d been so embarrassed and honestly felt humiliated. Angela didn’t seem to care at all. Different types of people I suppose. Of course there was the fact that Angela didn’t want to go outside dressed and I’d been pretty much okay with it. I’d been a little bit apprehensive but it wasn’t like I’d gone kicking and screaming. I watched in silence as she disappeared through the bedroom door and went off to change, it took about forty minutes I think but she finally came back as the boy we’d seen on our doorstep earlier in the day, bruises and all. I cringed a little bit, inwardly at least. I kind of hated seeing her like this. I guess you could always say I’d lost the ability to relate to her in that moment and it kind of crushed me inside. What kind of a monster was I? What a stupid concept, I didn’t look very feminine one all the makeup came off but in that moment I realized that as I was looking at her it was like seeing a mirror image of myself. Sure she didn’t look like me, but it was the male features that I recognized in myself and it was a stark reminder that at the end of the day I was…that. I hated it.

“Are you ready to go?” Brianna asked me, moving toward the door. “I need to get you two set up for the night and…I really want to be home.”

“Our house isn’t good enough for you?” Remy joked.

“Your house doesn’t have a massage chair,” Brianna shrugged. “And your oven sucks.”

“You’re cooking tonight?” I asked, kind of excited. I loved it when Brianna cooked.

“Yeah,” She said. “I was thinking I’d do something other than chicken. Chicken is all you guys ever cook, it’s like it’s the only thing you know HOW to cook. Come on guys, take a cooking class.”

“I’m taking a cooking class!” Veronica shouted from down the hall.

“That’s nice, Veronica!” Michelle shouted back, her face a mix of annoyance and profound horror.

“Come on,” Brianna said to us, rolling her eyes. I stopped off at my room to grab my purse and phone as I already had plenty of clothes at her house and if all else failed she would let me borrow some. I walked back to the bedroom to give Remy a brief hug before departing. As we climbed into Brianna’s car I briefly wondered why on earth I was coming along on this excursion. I would have to ask later.

“How long can she stay?” I asked Brianna as she pulled the car out of the parking spot in front of the house. I tried to keep my voice quiet so I wasn’t making the mistake of talking about her in front of her again and hopefully she wouldn’t hear.

“Tonight,” Brianna said, just as softly. “I have some connections, we can find a place before tomorrow night.”

I nodded, it was better than nothing. I kind of wished she could stay longer but maybe it made sense. Like Remy said, we didn’t want to turn Brianna’s house into a domestic violence shelter, right?

“We’re here,” Brianna announced, taking a sharp left turn and pulling into her driveway. “I’m going to take a shower, you two…do whatever you’re going to do. I’ll be down to make dinner in a little bit.”

“Guess it’s just you and me,” I smiled as Brianna disappeared up the stairs. “So um…what can you tell me about…you?”

“What do you mean?” Angela frowned.

“Well what do you like, what do you not like? When did you…know?” As I talked, I gestured toward the stairs and we followed Brianna’s lead, but toward my room instead. We ascended the stairs and Angela filled me in on a few of the finer details.

“Oh well, I’m really into…80’s music and…I mean I guess I can say this now, but makeup is my favorite thing. Before my parents sent me to…to…Chipenwood I had a huge collection of stuff. It was part of the reason they shipped me out, they found my clothes and makeup in the back of my closet. It was really embarrassing. I think my mom cried for hours.”

“Well,” I said as I turned into my room and flipped the light switch. “This is where I live when I’m not at the house. It’s not much but you can stay here tonight.”

“Not…much?” Angela stared at the room wide eyed as she toed her way in, one tiny step at a time. “This is huge! You sleep in here by yourself?”

What the hell kind of room had she been living in that led her to believe this was huge?

“What’s this?” She asked, walking toward one of my bookshelves, the one where I stared my video games. She pulled one of the games out, an RPG in a steel collector’s box. I kind of smiled as she looked at it; it brought back some seriously good memories, but also a lot of sad ones.

“It’s…a game I used to play,” I said sadly. “It’s um…Dark Pantheon. I was kind of obsessed with it last year. It’s an online game, a um..MMORPG.”

“But you don’t like it anymore?” She asked, putting it back.

“Well,” I said. “Sometimes, no matter how much you like something you just have to let it go. Like…the social expectations of staying male. Hard lessons everywhere.”

I watched Angela as she took pause and put the box back on the shelf. I felt a twinge of nostalgia as it was slid back between the boxes. I had to resist the urge to pull that out again. Seriously.

“Okay so—” I started to say, and then, the most unexpected thing in the world happened. Angela kissed me.

“Angela, Angela stop!” I gasped, gently pushing her off of me. “What are you doing?!”

“I…I thought-“ She started to say, but Brianna appeared in the doorway, a bath towel folded around her head and a look of concern painted on her face.

“Is everything okay?” She asked.

“Uh…yeah,” I said. “Everything is uh…fine…”

Brianna looked from me, to Angela, and then back. She frowned a bit and then shrugged.

“Alright well, I’m going to go start dinner…” She looked at both of us, her eyes wandering between, then turned toward the stairs. I waited until I heard her feet on the stairs and then turned to Angela.

“Are you kidding me?” I demanded. Her face was red, I swear she was about to cry. Okay, maybe I needed to let up a little.

“I’m…I’m really sorry…” She kind of mumbled. “I just…you know,”

“Alright, jeez,” I sighed. “Just don’t do it again, okay?”

She nodded and stared at the floor. Downstairs, in the kitchen I could hear Brianna listening to C-Span, boring stuff as usual, but I kind of tuned in for a second, maybe just to get away from the super awkward situation that was developing right in front of me.

“Overall,” A disembodied voice from the downstairs TV said. “I think that Mr. Garron’s actions at Woodcrest alone should have disqualified him from any political role, let alone Congress.”

“Ms. Grey I think it’s safe to assume that the Congressman’s actions were only in the best interests of a clearly, mentally disturbed demograph—”

I tuned it out again, politics weren’t really my thing.

“So…Angela…can you..tell me about yourself? Why don’t you like…sit down on the bed…or something?”

She bit her lower lip and timidly approached the bed in the center of the room. Taking a seat, I watched her facial expression take on a bit of alarm as the frame creaked beneath her. I cautiously crossed the room and took a seat beside her. She was in ‘boy mode’, but you could still fee the feminine energy radiating from her. This was a girl, through and through.

“There’s really…not much to tell,” She said apologetically as she clasped her hands in front of her, keeping them tightly against her lap. “I’ve spent so much…time at that camp. I guess there were things I liked before but now I just…I don’t know. I’m trying to remember what I like, what I don’t like. I think I need to relearn myself.”

I tried to think about that, tried to imagine it. What would it be like if everything you ever were and everything you dreamed that you could be was just stripped away overnight? What if you were told that who you were was wrong and you had to change? Moments like these were so weird for me because they made me remember how lucky I’d been with my mom, and my sister who accepted me without question, after a little bit of a well-deserved lecture.

“I’m sorry,” She said suddenly. I jerked my head upward and looked at her.

“For what?” I furrowed my brow curiously. What could she possibly be sorry for?

“For…talking too much,” She said quietly. “I know I do it a lot.”

“Uh…no Angela,” I said, shaking my head. “I was just sitting here thinking is all, you weren’t talking to much. You weren’t talking that much at all, why would you think that? Okay, never mind. Tell me what you liked before all…this. What were you into?”

“Well I guess I was like any normal gu…gi…guy. I liked music-“

“What kind of music?”

“Um…I…I don’t remember?” She seemed flustered. “I haven’t really listened for…a while and I mean I remember this one song, I guess I remember the words, but I don’t remember what it was called.”

“What were the words? Maybe I can help you find it.” How on earth could she not remember what kind of music she liked? How bad had Chippenwood been? She was quiet for along moment, trying to remember the words to the song, whatever it was.

“It…I think it went like…’If you find the courage within you to face the path ahead, it matters not the outcome, if what you will gain instead, is a heart deepened in the knowing, that experience carves the soul, and the very thing that empties you, shall surely make you whole,” She recited the lyrics and then paused at the end as if she were desperately trying to remember more.

“Wow…”I said, taking a breath and blinking. “That’s um…that’s fucking…dark.”

“It’s what kept me alive,” She shrugged. “It was one of the few things I was able to hold on to really. I just…”

Again, I found myself struggling to understand what that felt like. How the hell was I supposed to help her with anything when I couldn’t relate to her? I was so far out of my depth I couldn’t even see the edge of the pool anymore.

“Hey!” Brianna called out from the door. “I made—”

“Chicken?” Angela said excitedly.

“What? No, what is it with college students and chicken?” She demanded. I felt like we’d had this conversation before.

“I’m not a college student,” Angela shrugged.

“Not yet,” Brianna pointed out. “But there are financial aid programs, unless you had something you’d rather be doing?”

Angela didn’t give a response but for some reason I felt like she was afraid to. I was comfortable talking and joking around my sister, and with the AP girls, but she felt so…cut off. It was like she was afraid to be herself. I don’t mean afraid as in afraid to be a girl, I mean afraid as in…to do anything. To talk, to enjoy life. It was like everything that was fun or enjoyable about her had been subdued. I really need to talk to Brianna. Alone.

“Well, let’s go eat,” I said, standing up from the bed and stretching. “I’m starving, what ARE we having anyway?”

“We,” Brianna said as she led us down the hallway and to the stairs. “Are having ramen. Good ramen. Not the kind you get out of the package. Actual ramen, I made the noodles this morning. You’re going to like it, or I’m going to yell at you, got it?”

“You’ve got it,” I smirked as we followed her down the stairs. It’s not like she had to convince me anyway, her ramen was always amazing. We passed into the kitchen where the table was not only set, the metal ramen bowls were already filled and at their places. This was kind of a thing with Brianna; she loved to cool, and she wanted to plate everything a certain way. Her ramen always contained pork, a hard boiled egg, and vegetables. She loved fresh vegetables.

“So what did you guys talk about?” She asked me as we took a seat at the table.

“You know,” I said with a slight grin. “Girl stuff.”

“Well, maybe we should talk about what we’re going to do,” She said, almost lecturing. “I have a lot of resources that Remy and the rest of AP doesn’t, so finding a shelter by tomorrow shouldn’t be a problem. Um, so what else, oh, yeah, we can get you enrolled in school if you want, under any name you want, obviously.”

“Yeah, you could totally be a girl,” I said happily. “It’s totally fine here, and accepted.”

“I don’t know,” Angela said quietly. “I want to but I don’t want to…I don’t know.”

“It would be fine!” I coaxed. “I was nervous about it too but I came out eventually-“

“You didn’t really come out,” Brianna pointed out. “You made a fool out of yourself and just transitioned to save face. So Angela, how did you hear about Allison? What made you come here?”

“I heard about her on the news,” Angela said, once again avoiding eye contact and sort of just staring at her plate. “I just…I thought maybe if she could do it…I could and…I needed help.”

“Well sweetie,” Brianna nodded. “Allison here is a little rough around the edges but you came to the right place. We can all help you, and you know, if you do ever decide to go full time as a girl, you could always do what Allison did, join a sorority, have sisters to support you, it’s not an opportunity everyone gets, but with AP here on campus you have a better chance.”

“I—” Angela started to respond but we were suddenly and rather rudely interrupted by a thunderous knock at the front door.

“Holy crap,” I said, setting my chopsticks down and wiping my mouth. “Who knocks like that?”

“Jehova’s Witnesses, probably,” Brianna rolled her eyes and did the same, standing up from the table. Curious, I stood as well and followed her through the living room and to the front door.

“I look presentable, right?” I asked her, only half joking.

“Hmm,” She said, suddenly spinning around and looking me over. She placed a finger to her chin and squinted a little. “You look like a college girl that was just eating ramen. We’ll have to talk about your clichés later tonight.”

“Very funny,” I grinned a little, she rolled her eyes before spinning around to answer the door. With two clicks she opened the deadbolt and turned the handle, pulling it aside and reveling two uniformed police officers. Wow, it was like déjà vu from earlier today.

“Good evening, Ma’am,” One of them said as he stood in the door looking as intimidating as humanly possible. “We’re sorry to bother you this late at night, but we’re here looking for a man by the name of Tyler Achles and we have it on good authority that he should be in this house. Do you mind if we come in?”

“Do you have a warrant?” Brianna asked the two police officers who were standing just outside the door, one craning his neck to see in.

“No Ma’am, this is a wellness check but we can come back with a warrant if need be, to make sure Mr. Achles is in one piece.”

“And who exactly is asking?” I couldn’t see her face, but I could just imagine her furrowing her brow at them.

“His parents,” One of the officers explained. “From what they said he was at camp Chippenwood-“

“Well that’s interesting,” My sister said. “An eighteen year old boy at summer camp?”

“Eighteen?” The other officer asked, sounding a little confused. “They said sixteen-“

“Angela!” Brianna called out. “Angela come here and bring your ID!”

“Angela?” The officer and his partner looked at her, confused.

Angela approached and handed Brianna her state ID, which Brianna presented to the officers.

“Seems Angela’s parents lied to you,” Brianna said firmly, crossing her arms. “She was Tyler, goes by Angela now, you can see why her parents might lie about her age. Probably to control her.”

“Huh,” The officer with the red hair said. “Well, it looks like Mr..s…Achles is perfectly fine, you’re fine right?”

“Yeah,” Angela nodded.

“Is there anything you can do to keep them away from here?” Brianna asked them.

“If you feel threatened you can always file a restraining order,” One of them told us. “You could stop by in the morning, but a judge needs to approve it.”

“How did they know she was here?”

“Can’t tell you that, Ma’am, we’ll let you get on with your evening.”

“Thank you,” Brianna said, just before she closed the door and turned around, facing both of us.

“They’re going to try again,” Angela said. I could hear the fear in her voice, it was unsettling. She backed up a bit and leaned against the kitchen table.

“Yeah,” Brianna nodded. “They probably will. They don’t have any control over you though, no matter what they do, please remember you can say no. Don’t go with them, don’t go back to that camp.”

“Brianna,” I said, looking between them. “What do we do?”

“Um easy,” Brianna shook her head. “Angela’s eighteen, we find her a shelter, she stays away from her parents, and gets her life together, and sees a therapist, for the love of god…”

“I…don’t know how to thank you for all of this,” Angela said, her face turning read. “I just…this is weird for me, I’m not used to people being kind to me…”

“Get used to it girlie,” Brianna stepped forward and gave her a quick hug. “Now finish your dinner and—”

She stopped short as her phone buzzed, taking a look at it, she shot me a dirty look.

“What?” I demanded. “What does it say? Is it about me?”

“Come with me,” She said, shaking her head and gesturing toward the stairs. “Keep eating, Angela.”

I walked along behind her, wondering what the hell she’d seen on her phone as we wandered up the stairs. After we cleared the landing we immediately began to walk toward her room. Once inside, she shut the door.

“Sit on the bed,” She pointed. “I keep getting text messages from Remy, all week, all I hear about is how you suck at intimacy.”

“She TELLS you those things?” My face was probably as red as a tomato, or maybe red as a…red face.

“We’re friends,” She shrugged. “Why wouldn’t she tell me?”

“I’m your sister, that’s weird!”

“It’s about to get a lot weirder,” She said, sitting down on the bed beside me. “Kiss me.”

“What?!” I shrieked, practically flying off the bed. “I’m your br…sister, I’m your sister! You’re my sister! I can’t…what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Not as much as what’s wrong with you, apparently. Sit back down,” She patted the bed beside her, I reluctantly sat back on the bed beside her.

“Now kiss me, I want to see what you’re doing wrong. If it’s the only way to stop this flood of texts then…”

“Okay, okay,” I relented. “Just once.”

“Just once,” She agreed.

I leaned forward, slowly, closing my eyes and pecked her on the lips. I immediately pulled back and wiped my mouth, a spear of red lipstick appearing against my hand.

“Is that how you kiss her?” Brianna demanded. “You just lean in and peck? No wonder she has problems with you.”

“No, I mean, that’s…not how I kiss her, I just…”

“Kiss me the way you kiss her, I want to see,” Brianna rolled her eyes. “Okay, where do you put your hands?”

“Um…I don’t…I guess I hug her?”

“Put your hands on her waist, okay, my waist, try that,” She grabbed my wrists and pulled them over to her waist.

“Brianna I really don’t feel comfortable-“

“Oh…my…god…just show me so I can tell you what you’re doing wrong.”

“Brianna come on, I can’t-“

“Allison,” She suddenly snapped. “If I get one more text from Remy complaining that you can’t kiss, I’m going to go over there and beat her…with you. Now kiss me you idiot.”

“You know what? Fine!” I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around her and pressing my lips to hers, within five seconds, she shoved me off as hard as she possibly could, and then began to cough.

“Allison what the absolute fuck?!” She wiped her mouth and gagged. “It’s like you’re trying to smother a baby with a pillow, and the pillow is the mouth of a rabid saint Bernard! Is this what you’re doing to her? Are you like…what is this? Some kind of organic waterboarding? And what’s with your hands? Are you hugging her or trying to kidnap her?”

“Brianna I’m trying!” I exclaimed. “She’s the first woman I’ve been with!”

“You’re not WITH a woman, you’re torturing a woman.”

“Oh my god, I’m going back downstairs,” I started to stand up, but she grabbed my arm and pulled me back onto the bed.

“Do it right,” She said. “I’m going to show you.”

Just as she leaned in, I gasped, and with a start, awoke in my bed. What the fuck? Was that a dream? What in the Oedipus fuck was going on? I looked about the room, it was dark, a bit of moonlight shining through the window. I threw the sweat covered sheets aside and grabbed my phone. I fumbled around with it, scrolling through the contacts until I came to Remy. I pressed the ‘call’ button and held it up to my ear. After about four rings, I heard Remy’s tiny, exhausted voice at the other end.

“Allison?” She asked. “Is everything okay?”

“Am I a bad kisser?” I asked her, sitting up on the bed, fully awake.

“You called me at three forty-seven in the morning to ask me if I’m a bad kisser?”

“Yeah, but am I?”

There was a long, long silence. I was kind of dying to know what was going through her head.

“Yes, Allison, you’re a horrible kisser, why?”

“Have you been telling my sister about it?”

“Goodnight Allison,” She said, just before she hung up the phone. Well, that didn’t answer anything.

I stood from the bed and dropped the phone on the mattress before exiting my room, pulling my sweat soaked nightgown away from my body as I walked down the stairs and into the living room where I saw Angela literally wearing one of Brianna’s dresses, probably one she’d found in the laundry room. She looked at me and gasped, stepping back and turning beet red.

“I um…my clothes were wet,” She said. “I…please don’t tell her…”

“We can talk about you not being a trans stereotype later,” I sighed. “Am I a bad kisser?”

“You came down here at three in the morning to ask me if you’re a bad kisser?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Goodnight, Allison.”

I awoke to Brianna charging through my bedroom door; she was never one for knocking. My first reaction was to roll my head to the left and glance at the bedside alarm clock which now read: 6:45 AM. Brianna was fully dressed in a silky blouse and black pants, and before I knew it, she was tossing clothes onto my bed.

“I found a shelter for Angela,” She explained rather offhandedly. “Get up, get dressed, we’re taking her right now.”

“I…can’t you just drive her over there?” I asked, pulling the blankets up to my chin. I didn’t want to move from the bed at all.

“No, Allison,” Brianna said sternly. “You took that position at the sorority and yeah, I know it was technically for trans sorority members but you jumped right on this and wanted to help so…get up.”

“Why are you being such a bitch?” I said sleepily, trying to push myself up on one arm.

“I’m sorry, Allison,” She said. “I really am, but I need to be at work in an hour and a half and we absolutely have to get this done. Not to mention you have a thing over at the house today.”

“A thing?”

“A meeting…thing, I don’t remember what Remy said.”

I had a lot of reasons for not wanting to leave that bed. First of all I was tired beyond measure and secondly, a trans girl’s worst fear is climbing out of bed and trying to get ready for the day. Doing your hair, perfecting your makeup and making sure you’re at least passable from fifty yards is the daily dread and challenge. I had no choice though; Brianna was pulling the sheets back and urging me to get up. I sighed and placed my feet against the carpet as she thrust the clothes into my arms. Just as quickly I was ushered to the bathroom and quickly found myself at the vanity beside her as she paid her makeup brushes out and wiped her face with a damp cloth.

“Where’s Angela?” I asked, hastily applying my makeup without even stepping into the shower.

“Downstairs,” Brianna told me. “The guest bathroom.”

“Where are we taking her?”

“Uh…it’s not exactly a shelter, it’s a family that takes in LGBT people, in uh…situations like this. I had them checked out, they’re legit.”

“Why couldn’t we find them yesterday?” I asked, puzzled as I applied foundation to my face and moved on to some basic contouring. “We looked everywhere and-“

“It’s not a place that advertises,” She explained. “Just a family home, they don’t want it too obvious, you know?”

“I guess…” I said, trying to concentrate on the liquid lipstick I was now gripping in my right hand. I held it up to my lips and made an effort to keep it straight, but let’s face it, I never could. Just as I was about to press it to my lower lip, Brianna snatched it from me and commanded me to stand still as she gracefully applied it and held a piece of toilet tissue to my face for me to blot.

“Okay, get dressed, we’re taking her over there.”

“Why did we have to do it now?” I picked up the blue dress that Brianna had picked out for me and pulled it over my body after discarding my pajamas. “The house will still be there later won’t it?”

“Because you need to get back to your house and I have things to do,” She said quickly, brushing out her hair and turning toward me. “You’re a college girl, you need to be with your sorority, not wasting the entire semester here.”

“Okay, that I agree with,” I nodded. I really didn’t like being away from the Alpha house, at all. I felt like I belonged there, and for me that was a gift of epic proportions. I wondered what Remy was doing right now. “Oh god dammit!”

“What?” Brianna asked, looking back at me as she reached the bathroom door.

“My legs,” I pointed to them; where they had usually been bare, you could now see the slightest hint of hair poking through the skin.

“Have you been keeping up on your waxing appointments?” She glanced, down, sort of inspecting me.

“I mean…I missed one,” I admitted shakily.

“Get a longer dress,” She shook her head. “Then get downstairs, we have to go.”

I returned to my room for a moment and threw on a much, much longer green floral dress with wrap v-neckline and a sash that tied in the back. It hugged my waist, and I grinned a bit as I examined myself in the mirror. The breast forms filled out the top of the dress perfectly though I was sure I’d have to adjust the setting once or twice during the day, and the material hugged my waist perfectly. I ran my hand along the waistline and nearly died of happiness before I abruptly remembered my legs. Ugh, my legs. How was it that one single thing could bring out the dysphoria hammer and completely smash an otherwise happy moment. I turned away from the full-length mirror just as I heard Brianna call for me again. Picking up my purse, I pressed onward, out of the room and down the stairs. Angela was standing next to the kitchen table, fully dressed unlike last night. She was dressed in one of Brianna’s outfits, a simple white scoop neck top and a pair of black pants. Maybe she wasn’t comfortable being seen outside in a skirt yet.

“What if they don’t like me?” Angela asked nervously. “I don’t know these people, I…can’t I just stay here?”

“Even if that were possible,” Brianna said, taking her by the shoulders. “You need a place where you can grow; my living room isn’t going to do that for you. And don’t worry, they love you already.”

“How do you know that?” Angela’s voice was shaky. “They don’t know anything about me.”

“They know that you’re in trouble, and they have a lot of experience with trans people. Their names are John and Evelyn Shapiro, they have a trans daughter attending Bellcrest and they know exactly how to help you get started, if that’s what you want.”

“I…I don’t know what I want,” Angela began to quiver. “They’re going to hate me.”

“They’re not going to hate you,” I said, trying to be helpful, even though to be honest I had no idea who these people were. “You just have to give them a chance.”

“Uh, yeah,” Brianna glanced at me, she knew I was talking right out of my ass. “And I promise you, if you have any problems you can call Allison, she’ll be more than happy to help you.”

“Oh, yeah, totally,” I said. I’d done a great job of helping so far, but I swear my superpower was just shutting the hell up and letting everyone around me do the heavy lifting. “You have my number, right?”

“No…” She shook her head slowly.

“Okay, let me get it for you,” I unzipped my purse and reached for my phone. Sliding my finger across the screen to unlock, I noticed a new text message from an area code I knew very, very well: 704, North Carolina. I exhaled harshly and tapped it, watching the phone screen turn pale white for a moment. The message box opened, and I saw a lone message from the one person I never wanted to hear from again:

You need to call me, now. – Audri

I closed my eyes for a moment and gritted my teeth.

“You know what?” I said. “I’m going to get you that number in the car, let’s just get moving. As we headed toward the door, I texted back a single response: no.

“Come on Angela,” I grinned. “Like…just make me do your dishes or something.”

“God dammit Steve,” She rolled her eyes at me, brushing her auburn hair away from her face and shaking her head. “I told you, I’m not into the whole bondage thing, okay? Just drop it.”

“That’s a load of crap,” I laughed. “I found that ball gag in your closest.”

“What were you doing in my closet, perv?” She raised an eyebrow. “and yes, I have a ball gag, doesn’t mean I’m going to start dominating you or whatever.”

“Come on, please? I just want to like…experience it once.” I was eighteen and really, really desperate. I’d spent most of my childhood just wishing I could find a girl who would do it to me. Like, literally just once. Why was every girl so submissive? Angela was a girl I’d just met a few weeks ago on a dating app and just like always, I’d kinda been up her butt to dominate me. I’d probably said it a few too many times, and she always told me it wasn’t her thing, but I kept pushing. Hey, maybe the fiftieth time would be the charm right. We were sitting in her living room, at twenty-three years old she owned her own home, a pretty big one, actually. I forget what she said she did for a living. I glanced back at her, the same goofy grin on my face, but she wasn’t smiling or laughing, she was glaring at me.

“You know what? Fine,” She said flatly.

“What? Really?” I perked up. “You…mean…what do you want me to do?”

“You like that ball gag so much?” She said, still glaring at me. “Go put it on and come back out here.”

She didn’t have to tell me twice, I jumped up off the couch immediately and rushed toward her room. I found the ball gag in the same box at the bottom of her closet and I hurridly opened my mouth and tried to shove the ball in, but it was harder than I thought. I’d never worn one before and I honestly thought it would be easier to put it on. When I finally forced it past my teeth I suddenly realized just how badly it hurt. It clamped my jaw open and as I pulled the strap shut, the leather began to dig into the sides of my mouth. I’d always fantasized about wearing one of these for hours, or even days but I didn’t know if I’d be able to stand even five minutes in this thing. No matter, she wanted it in, and she was going to dominate me. I needed to man up and get out there. I stood, wincing from the pain and tried to swallow but my throat wouldn’t work properly, the gag was holding it open. Okay, maybe I could pull the gag off and swallow like, one last time.

“Steve, hurry up! Get out of my room!” Angela snapped from the living room. There was no time. I made my way to the door and walked down the hallway. Unlike the trip there, I was now wincing with every step. My jaw was throbbing uncontrollably and I could feel tears forming on the edges of my eyes. Why did these things hurt so bad? Why did no one online ever mention that they hurt? I saw Angela waiting impatiently at the end of the hall and as I came closer, she inspected the ball gag, making sure it was tight. I’d actually tightened it all the way, because why wouldn’t I?

“So what all do you fantasize about?” She demanded. “Let me guess, you want me to make you kneel, right? Come here.”

She took me by the arm and led me to her kitchen; it was a large open concept one with white tile floor. She pointed to the floor and I obediently dropped to my knees, placing my hands behind my back in a common slave position that I’d seen online. I wanted to be excited about this but the pain building in my jaw was making it increasingly difficult.

Angela was gone for a long moment, I obediently sat on the tile, not daring to move. I’d begged her to do this, now I had to follow through with it or she would just tell me to go home and I might never see her again. A few moments later she reappeared, holding in her hand a coiled leather whip. Oh my god she had a whip.

“I know some things about you, Steve,” She said, lowering the whip to her side and placing her other hand on her hip. “I know you troll women online, asking them if you can be their slave. You know how many I’ve met who have said to stay away from you? Do you know how creepy that is?”

I wanted to answer but of course, I couldn’t. How did she know all this? Who had she been talking to?

“One thing I really hate, Steve, is a creeper, and you’re definitely one. I’m going to give you exactly what you’ve been asking for. Let me ask you a question though, have you ever been whipped? Like ever? I’m going to show you, and you’re going to stay right there in that position. Don’t move, don’t try to fall to the floor, do nothing. Just kneel.”

With that she cracked the whip, allowing the end of it to strike my chest, just above my nipple. It hurt, oh my god, it hurt worse than anything I’d ever felt in my life. I let out a muffled scream as the pain sliced my chest and radiated outward, but I didn’t move from the kneeling position. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. It was as if her command had frozen me in place; I had no control over my body. I looked up at her in absolute horror, and she stared down at me with no emotion whatsoever.

“One of the girls you talked to, Megan, she sent me a screenshot. You told her you wanted to be whipped for hours on end. Your words, not mine. We’ll work our way up to hours, but right now, maybe we’ll just do ten minutes, how’s that sound?”

I wanted to run. I needed to get the hell out of this house but I couldn’t, my body wasn’t responding, all I could do was stare up at her with pleading eyes as she began to crack the whip. I felt it hit my skin again, but this time there was no reprieve, it struck me again, and again, and again. She alternated from my chest, to my legs, to my arms, and even my neck. I screamed hard into the gag, not for her to stop, just to scream. Sobs were erupting from my blocked lips, tears streamed down my face harder with every crack of the whip. It wasn’t end, it just kept going, and going, and going. I tried to close my eyes, maybe that would help, but the moment I shut them, they flew open again and refocused on Angela.

“Don’t close your eyes,” She said calmly. “I want you to see it coming.”

Just when I thought the pain was too much to bear, she suddenly halted the whip and informed me it had been fifteen minutes.

“Next time we’ll go for thirty,” She smiled. “You should be happy now, this is what you’ve always wanted!”

It was what I’d always SAID I wanted, but as I looked at my clothes, tattered from the whip, I realized it was anything BUT what I wanted.

“You’ll notice the whip didn’t leave any marks on you,” She said. “Just a little trick I use. Stings really bad though. Now let’s see, I have another screen cap from another girl…aww this is so cute, you told her that you want to her laundry, AND you want her to make you do it over, and over until you get it right. Oh heh, you also said you wanted to do it in handcuffs. That’s cute. Well, I have a ton of handcuffs here, so I think I can accommodate you.”

I shook my head violently. I wanted the gag out, I wanted this to be over.

“You can move again for now,” She said, a hint of warning in her voice. “Do as you’re told or we go for an hour with the whip. Go to my bedroom, top dresser drawer. At the back there’s a pair of handcuffs. Once you have them on, take my laundry hamper, separate the darks and lights, get it all done, then fold it. Get moving.”

Still sobbing, I limped down the hall to her room, rushing to the dresser and pulling open the top drawer. At the back, as promised, I found a pair of handcuffs; not the toy kind you get as a gag gift, a real pair of tactical police handcuffs made from stainless steel. I should have been excited, I’d always wanted a woman to handcuff me but I was in so much pain, all I could feel was dread. I decided to put them on loosely, maybe then they wouldn’t hurt as bad. I slid my left wrist into the cuff and tried to shut it as gently as possible. I slipped, and the cuff slammed shut tight against my wrist. I grimaced; that was going to hurt. I slid the next wrist in and shut the manacle only to have it slam shut again, each cuff as tight as possible and pressing against the sensitive bones in my wrist.

“Hurry the fuck up!” Angela shrieked at me. “Get out here or I’ll beat you again!”

Whatever was going on here, this was not my fantasy. I rushed back into the hallway with her hamper in front of me, my wrists now throbbing in tandem with my jaw. This had to end soon, I couldn’t handle this. A few seconds later I found myself in front of the washing machine, separating the darks from the lights, finally loading up the washing machine and switching it on. I had no idea why or how I knew how to work her washing machine.

“Okay,” She said from the door of the laundry room. “Next on your list, you told Heather – your own cousin that you wanted her to make you scrub her kitchen floor with a toothbrush. Follow me.”

In the kitchen, a bucket of soapy water and a toothbrush were sat on the tile right where I’d been kneeling.

“You can start from the far end and work your way to the back,” She told me. “Get the ground too. In your messages you told her you wanted her to make you do it over and over until she was satisfied. So, once you finish, start over, at least until you hear the laundry buzz, then go switch it over.”

My body responded automatically to her commends, I was just a passenger behind my own eyes. I could still feel every movement; I could feel my body becoming sore, my fingers being rubbed raw with every passing moment. The pain in my jaw worsened and I wanted more than anything to take the gag out, even for a second. Just one second, that was all I wanted. After what must have been hours of scrubbing and crying, I saw her familiar black pumps appear in front of me. I wanted to look up at her but my body wouldn’t comply.

“Stand up, “ She said simply. “On your feet.”

As soon as I stood, she took me by the arm and led me to her bathroom. Flipping on the light she stood me in front of the mirror. I would have screamed if I could. Staring back at me was a girl, about my own age, long blonde hair held with a black bow and dressed in a low cut maid uniform. Most importantly, the ball gag wasn’t there. I reached a hand up to my mouth and felt nothing but lips and teeth, but I could still feel my cramping jaw. I could feel the straps digging into my cheeks, I could still FEEL the drool working its way to the edge of my lips and my throat that refused to swallow. I couldn’t feel it with my hands; the strap was gone, the ball was gone. All I could see was this soft, young female face.

“I want you to concentrate on the moment just before you put that gag in your mouth,” She said. “Just remember those last few seconds when you could still close your mouth, when you didn’t feel that throbbing, searing pain, because it’ll never be that way again. Everyone who looks at you will see this beautiful young lady, but they’ll have no idea that behind this face you’re screaming and crying. You spend your entire life trying to get women to dominate you, to the point of scaring them. I’ve live a thousand years, seen plenty of guys like you. From now on you body will just walk on a path through my house. You’ll clean everything constantly. You’ll scrub floors, you’ll vacuum, you’ll fold laundry, you’ll make me dinner. Oh just imagine being able to smell the food but never being able to eat it. God I’m getting off just thinking about that. Remember the last time you tasted food or drank water? In a few hundred years dear that’ll be a distant memory. That’s right dear, I live forever, and now so do you. Get to work, slave.”

My body turned away from the bed just as I finished dusting the sleek wooden headboard. It was like this, every day. Was it every day? I’d lost track of time a while ago. My body was just on repeat, working its way down a never ending chore list; never sleeping, never stopping. During the first few weeks I’d tried to think about who Angela was, how she had this kind of power over me. As the days and hours waned on I just stopped caring. My body was exhausted, my muscles were throbbing, the pain in my jaw still hadn’t subsided. I guess it wasn’t mean to. Her ball gag rested firmly against my parched tongue and forced my teeth apart, sending an inconsolable sharp pain down my jaw, and as of a few days ago, a dull throbbing had developed behind my eyes, eventually transforming into a full on migraine that wouldn’t stop. If I’d had any control over my body at all, I would have laid in bed for a few days, probably a week, but I hadn’t so much as sat down once in the last…how long had it been?

My body immediately began wiping down the furniture in her room, thoroughly dusting, meticulously moving items and putting them back. From the corner of my eye I could see the light from her bedroom window; the outside world was out there. Just beyond that wall, sunlight I would never feel again. I wanted to look at it, I wanted to turn my head but at this point I couldn’t even control my eyes; they stayed focused on the task in front of me.

“Hey hey,” I heard Angela’s voice come from behind me. Was she speaking to me? She hadn’t talked to me since that day in the bathroom. What was going on? I perked up a bit internally, I’d wanted human contact so badly. I’d walked through these halls so many times, cleaned rooms for hours and days on end without seeing a single person. It was almost like I’d been trapped in my own form of purgatory, manufactured and administered by Angela. “How’s the cleaning coming?”

She knew damn well how the cleaning was coming. My body stopped, it turned toward her, my hands clasped in front of me and my eyes downcast. It was the first time my body had stopped in a long time, maybe the closest thing to rest I would ever get. To my surprise, she suddenly placed her hands on both my shoulders and guided me backward until I sort of plopped down on the bed. All at once, I felt a massive relief of pressure from the muscles in my legs, my body practically sighed in relief. As soon as I was in a sitting position, she sort of guided me downward, laying me sideways on the bed. My muscles burned, even if I had been free to move, I’m not sure I could have.

“Okay, um…” She said, her voice a little bit confused. “I don’t know how to say this but…you’re not supposed to be here.”

Not supposed to be here? What the hell? She’d done this to me, she’d made sure I couldn’t leave, I’d been walking through her house cleaning and scrubbing for months, she knew that!

“So here’s the thing…the method I used to control you? It doesn’t actually hold for long. As soon as you want out bad enough, you should be able to just take the gag off and leave. I was trying to teach you a lesson. I gave you the immortality because I didn’t want you to starve to death but in like…a week you should have been able to walk out of here. So …there are like two possible explanations. Either you just stayed her and kept cleaning afterward, or…you’re a natural sub and you couldn’t actually disobey me. I’d really like to think it’s the former because I’ve only met a handful of natural subs in my life and I’ve been alive for a LONG time.”

I tried to figure out what she was talking about but it was really, really hard to concentrate on anything other than the pounding in my head.

“Whatever it is,” She said. “The immortality and them um…well the feminine appearance would have gone away as soon as you left the house. I can change you back into a guy but you’re still going to live forever. Sorry about that.”

She gently reached toward the back of my head and I suddenly felt an immense relief of pressure around my mouth as the ball gag strap was released. In the next moment, she took two fingers and wrapped her hands around the ball, extracting it from my mouth. I screamed. It wasn’t a scream of terror, it was a gargled, disjointed noise as the pressure in my jaw alleviated all at once. The scream turned to a moan, almost a sob as I cried tears of joy. I immediately tried to speak but my lips were numb, my mouth dry. I hadn’t had anything to drink in…I don’t know how long.

“Okay, just breathe,” She said, laying one of her soft hands on my cheek. “don’t try to talk, it’ll be okay, come on.”

The feeling began to return to my lips, I tried to speak a bit, but the words just wouldn’t form. They came out as incoherent gasps and I simply choked on every single word.

“Stop,” She said sternly. “Just lay there and breathe.”

She rose from the bed, I felt it move slightly as she stood and exited the room. I obediently laid with my head practically plastered to the comforter. My arms were sprawled out in front of me, I could feel my legs burning. A second later she walked back through the bedroom door, passing through my field of vision for the first time. She was wearing this simple blue dress with a U-shaped neckline and brief sleeves, but the way it showed off her curves turned me on in a way I can’t even describe. Seriously, I was that much of a horn dog. She’d tortured me for months and I was still attracted to her. I’m pathetic. She sat back on the bed and held a bottle of water to my lips. The cold liquid irrigated the contours of my mouth and trickled into my throat. I immediately choked and tried to recoil but my body wouldn’t respond – not because she was controlling me but because my muscles were completely spent. I didn’t have a body anymore, I was just a soul trapped inside of a malfunctioning meatbag.

“Okay,” She said. “You lie there, I’m going to uh…figure out how to get you back to being a guy. It shouldn’t take long-“

“Angela,” I gasped, finally able to form basic words.

“Huh? What’s up?” She asked as she stood from the bed again, straightening her skirt as she did.

“Please don’t…don’t change me back,” Murmured. “Please don’t…”

“It’s not going to hurt,” She reassured me. “And I’m not going to leave you here for—”

“No Angela, please,” I begged. “Just…please…ok pleas…”

“Um…okay, sweetie,” She frowned. “But we should probably get you something to wear other than a maid uniform. Also there’s something I need to tell you. When I left the house, I really expected you to leave after like a week. I really, really did, I promise. So I…didn’t come back for a while. I figured you’d be with another girl and having kids by now or something. You really weren’t supposed to be here.”

“It’s only been a few months,” I muttered, still trying to get used to moving my jaw again. “Why would I have kids…”

“I just wanted you to learn to respect women,” She said, kind of apologetically. “I thought it would be good for you. This wasn’t supposed to happen at ALL, you have to understand…”

“What are you talk—” I started to say, but I stopped short as my jaw went slack again. I was overdoing it.

“Okay, Steve, I….okay, I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to um…say it. When you came in here it was like…2019. It’s…2030 now. It’s been eleven years.”

“What the phu……f…fuu---” I started to scream, but my cry of horror evaporated into thin air as my jaw failed again.

“Um, who the hell is this?” A new voice chimed in. I rolled my eyes up toward the door and saw a raven haired girl standing just inside the entrance to the room, dressed in a tight white t-shirt and jeans.

“Oh, right, hell, it gets worse,” Angela sighted. “Steve, this is…Meredith my girlfriend. Meredith this is Steve…my…boyfriend.”

“You have a boyfriend?” Meredith raised an eyebrow as she observed my limp, lifeless body on the bed. “That looks like a – oh yeah, I see now. You had a boyfriend and didn’t tell me?”

“It was like a decade ago,” Angela shrugged. “I kind of left him here to teach him a lesson. I used a low level mind control technique and told him to clean the house, like a Roomba.”

Meredith took a step forward, striding over to the bed and bend over, placing her hands on her knees to support herself as she peered into my eyes. The first thing I noticed were her freckles, and then the paleness of her face. It looked like she hadn’t seen the sun in years.

“A low level mind control technique, huh?” She smirked a bit. “Why didn’t you just walk away, dumbass?”

“Steve might be an instance of an actual submissive,” Angela said thoughtfully. “Most people, like ninety percent of people have an instinct to fight back; even people who say they like to be controlled, they have it in them to walk away when they don’t like it unless you physically restrain them. I think I’ve met maybe fifty people in the last thousand years who literally don’t have the ability to say no.

“Hm…” Meredith said, looking me over further. She laid a hand on my head and brushed my hair out of my face. “I think we know of some people that would pay a lot of money for an actual submissive, it’s hard to find people that will just follow orders without question.”

“No doubt,” Angela nodded. “I’m going to make a store run. Steve here might not need to eat per se, but after eleven years of not eating ANYTHING he’s got to be in bad shape.”

“Might help him get up and moving,” Meredith nodded. “I’ll keep him company while you go shopping.”

“Or is it…’she’, now?” Angela turned to look at me. “Why don’t you want me to change you back?”

“I…” I started to say, and then a stray thought ran through my mind. “Why…could I still fee the gag after you changed my body? Why did it still…hurt?”

“That’s your first question?” Meredith snickered. “It’s because your ‘other’ body is still there. When she changed you, you sort of melted away into an alternate dimension. You’re still there, this is just what’s being presented. It’s the same with any body, really. When the body dies, the energy that is connected to it is released and moves on to another body. Here on Earth…or somewhere else. For you it’s different, your body doesn’t die.”

“I don’t understand,” I tried to raise my head a little. “Why doesn’t it die?”

“Changing your essence and your body to make it…immortal…” Angela said, almost as if she were irritated. Maybe she’d explained this a few times before, just not to me. “It’s like uh…glue. You can wipe it away after you first put it on, but it kind of hardens after a while. I didn’t expect you to be here long enough for it to set it. Sorry, that’s really the best way to explain it, at least to you.”

“When can I go home?” I looked at her pleadingly. I wanted out of here, there was nothing I wanted more.

“You don’t have a home to go to anymore,” She said, laying a hand on my arm. I winced at the contact. “Your apartment isn’t even there anymore, I passed it on the way up here. It’s a shopping mall. You don’t have a job, at least I don’t think you do…unless they grant eleven years worth of sick leave.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?” I wanted to cry; I thought I’d only been here for a few months, but it had been eleven years. Literally eleven years.

“Even if it hadn’t been that long, even if your life WERE intact,” Angela said to me. “I wouldn’t let you leave. You’re a natural sub, you can’t say no. Think about it, how easy is it for you to say no to people?”

I had to think for a moment, did I have trouble saying no to people? I think…maybe she was right.

“I don’t…I can’t…I don’t remember,” I muttered, trying to sit up and grunting as my muscles failed me.

“If you really can’t say no to people, if you really are a natural sub,” She said, staring at me intently with her piercing blue eyes. “Then you’re just going to do whatever anyone says, normally not a problem but we live in a dangerous world and…you have the taint of immortality on you. It’ll bring people to you like moths to a flame. No, you’re staying with us, not giving you a choice.”

“You…can’t do that,” I protested, trying to sit up again.

“You just spend eleven years cleaning my house because I told you to,” Angela gently pushed me back onto my side. “You’re mine now, deal with it.”

“Go get the food,” Meredith sighed. “I’ll stay with him. He’s not going anywhere.”

Angela smiled a bit and strode out of the room, leaving me with Meredith who grinned and easily pushed me over toward the middle of the bed. She immediately laid down beside me, facing me and resting her head on her hand, her black hair filling down around her forearm as she set her face mere inches from mine.

“So, Steve, is it?” Her words here kind of spoken in an upward inflection. “So tell me something, did you kiss my girlfriend?”

“Well yes but—” I started to protest, but she quickly pressed a finger to my lips and I fell silent.

“Did you…touch her?”

“You weren’t even with her!” I said, now truly terrified.

“I’m with her now, though, aren’t I?” She said, staring at me with a very serious look on her face. “You have to be punished.”

“Oh god, Meredith, I’ve been punished enough, please…”

“Shhh,” She giggled and clamped a hand over my mouth. “I’m glad she’s going to keep you around, because I’m going to do all sorts of horrible things to you, and you’re just going to sit there and take it. You’re not going to tell her either, are you?”

I shook my head violently, I didn’t dare protest, I could end up in another house, wearing another ball gag and no one would ever find me.

“Let’s start with the basics, get off the bed, kneel on the floor.”

My body immediately responded to her voice, I couldn’t even stop it. She laughed as I dropped from the bed and onto the soft carpet, my muscles begging for mercy. I was in too much pain to move under my own volition but at her command, my body just went along with it.

“You look at lot better down there,” She said as she sat on the edge of the bed, bouncing a bit as she did. Suddenly she shoved one of her pink sneakers into my face. “Untie it, and then make out with my foot like you made out with my girlfriend.”

I wanted to ask her what the fuck but my hands began to immediately untie her sneaker. It was on the floor and I was peeling her sock off before I knew what had hit me. No, this couldn’t be happening. Sure I’d fantasized about something like this happening a decade ago but now, here before her, trapped in this room, I didn’t feel excited, I felt small. I began without any hesitation whatsoever.

“She’ll probably be gone for an hour,” Meredith assured me. “It’s good exercise for your tongue. Oh, and don’t worry, this is just the beginning. I have a lot more planned.”

“And I am back with groceries!” Angela said cheerfully as she walked into the room. I had resumed my original position on the bed and Meredith was pretending to be busy with her phone, acting like she hadn’t just forced me to lick her feet for the last hour. I kind of wanted to say something to Angela, in fact I was pretty sure I could have, but I just didn’t want to. I was tired, I was hungry, my body felt like it had been hit by a truck. I just wanted to lay here on the bed and drift off to sleep. “Wake up over there or it’s going to feel worse later!”

I begrudgingly opened my eyes to see Angela pulling items from a grocery bag and placing them on the bed before me. One of the items that caught my attention was a green glass bottle of lemon juice. Straight lemon juice, I’m not talking about lemonade.

“What?” I asked, trying to sit up again as she pulled a sack of tomatoes from the bag. “Why lemon juice?”

“You like it now,” She explained. “Your tastes are going to be a little…different because of what was done to you. Sorry about that.”

I laid there and watched her pull out a cup of yogurt, three onions, and a container of hummus.

“Couldn’t you have gotten a steak or something?” I muttered. “I just spent eleven years cleaning your house.”

“We don’t EAT meat, Steve,” Meredith chided.

“We’re vegetarians?” I didn’t like the sound of that, I seriously wanted a hamburger.

“Pretty much,” Angela said nonchalantly, handing me a tomato and the bottle of lemon juice. “Sit up to eat, you won’t die from choking but I want you to make it into your mouth, k?”

Meredith gently helped me to rise from the bed, allowing me to fold my legs out in front of me. She smiled and told me it would be okay which was a stark contrast from how she’d acted before Angela had finally come home from the store. I made eye contact with her, watching her as she gently worked out the wrinkles in my dress before smiling softly and handing me the bottle of lemon juice with the cap off. She placed her hands under mine and helped me to lift it to my lips, keeping a hold on it as the liquid splashed onto my tongue and poured down my throat. I’d expected it to burn or at least be extremely bitter, and while it was bitter I actually liked it. It tasted amazing, like it was the best thing I’d ever tasted. What was happening to my body? I tried to push the bottle up higher, Meredith and Angela giggled a bit and allowed me to drink a little more before taking the bottle away. As they lowered it I suddenly felt better, my muscles were a little less sore, and the pain in my skull was starting to subside. What was in that stuff?

“Now,” Angela said, slicing a tomato and handing it to me on a plastic plate. “ You need to tell us about this new form of yours. Why don’t you want to go back to your body?”

“Does it matter?” I asked, shoving the tomato into my mouth. “I mean you said that all of our bodies are just fake anyway.”

“It matters,” Meredith nodded, placing a hand on my knee. “They’re fake yeah, but they represent very different aspects of the soul. There are male and female souls, it doesn’t have anything to do with genitals, obviously, but you could actually be transgender. There are two types of transgender in this world really, one is where a person was just given the wrong body, either on purpose or on accident. The other is where your soul is actually formed in such a way that it conforms to the characteristics of both genders. The second is way less common than the first because it’s easier to give someone the wrong body on accident than it is for the universe to screw up.”

“If it’s really screwing up,” Angela added. “It could always be on purpose and you know it.”

“Yeah, well…” Meredith trailed off. Clearly they had two different opinions about that.

“So what about you?” Angela said, looking directly at me. “Why do you want to stay like this?”

“I guess…” I started to stall with my words but then I realized that after eleven years, and sitting in front of these two women, however they were, I didn’t really have anything to hide. “I always wanted to be a girl…I wanted it forever, but my parents were…”

“Your parents are fundamentalist Christians,” Angela finished. “I remember. They hate anything that’s not white, straight, and Christian. I was actually really fascinated with you back then because you really didn’t follow their path. Most people who are born into families like that…don’t change unless they’re just different or if they have a reason to be someone else. Maybe you did.”

“Not exactly girlfriend material for you though,” Meredith said, running a finger through my hair as I blushed. “Way too submissive for you. Why would you date her back then?”

“Trying to prove a point,” Angela shrugged. “She was too submissive, she needed to make a change…you know, for reasons.”

“Wait wait, hold on,” Meredith said. “This was an assignment? She was supposed to DO something?”

“Unfortunately,” Angela shrugged. “It wasn’t anything big or consequential, just…a quality of life thing I guess.”

Meredith suddenly burst out laughing. I couldn’t figure out what they were talking about but I could tell by the way Angela was glaring at her that something serious had happened.

“If you’re done being a bitch,” Angela said sharply. “I want you to know that first of all, I agree with you, and secondly, we need to come up with a new identity for Steve here.”

“New name and finding a way to get rid of that natural submissiveness?” Meredith suggested.

“I think I have just the thing,” Angela took me by the hand and grinned. Oh god, what was she thinking? What was about to happen? “Do you think you can walk? Let’s go to the bathroom.”

I stiffened for a moment, the last time she’d taken me to the bathroom, I’d been sent off to clean the house for a decade. What could she possibly have planned now.

“I like this idea,” Meredith laughed as she placed a hand on my back and pushed me in Angela’s direction, down the hallway and toward the huge master bathroom. As we walked in I cringed a bit as I beheld the massive cast iron tub – I was really familiar with it.

“So it’s way easier to do this in front of a mirror,” Angela explained as I stared into the full length mirror next to the sink and examined my feminine form. I was a girl, about eighteen with black hair that hung just past my shoulders. I was thin, really thin. I’d caught glimpses of myself in the mirror over the years but I’d never had a chance to really look at my body, I’d never seen how beautiful Angela had actually made me. As I looked myself over, I noticed that my features had started to change. They were softer, much less mature. Was I getting shorter? I suddenly noticed that I only came up to Angela’s chest. What was going on? The girl I was seeing in the mirror was much, much younger than eighteen. She was more like…twelve.

“Angela what are you doing?!” I shrieked, I started to turn and run, but with a single look, Angela forced me to stop moving and turn back toward the mirror. I still couldn’t disobey her, she could control me with a glance.

“It starts at childhood,” She explained. “We become who we are with experience and I think you’re a new soul. Most new souls grow up and die without really learning anything. We’re going to give you the opportunity to learn, from the beginning, and maybe teach you how to say no. It could take a long time dear, I hope you’re ready.”

“Angela, you can’t-“ I started to protest, but she held a finger to her lips and shushed me. My mouth immediately snapped shut and my head dropped. Squatting down behind me, she placed her head on my shoulder and held my head up, grinning at me in the mirror.

“I don’t think that’s what you should call me anymore dear,” She said softly. “Come on, you know what to do.”

“Oh…my….god….” Meredith began to laugh hysterically. “This is way better than anything I could have imagined.”

“Mom…” I whispered, my lips trembling as all illusions of dignity and independence melted away.

“That’s right honey,” She said, kissing me on the cheek and standing up, placing both hands on my shoulders. “Now let’s talk about your name.”

I stared in the mirror, mouth agape as my face changed from a grown woman to a child of about twelve. She’d forgotten to change the maid uniform with me, so it was sort of hanging there, the skirt falling way past my knees.

“Steve?” Angela placed a hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“How…how long am I going to stay like this?” My voice came across as a mere whisper, I saw Meredith smirk behind Angela in the mirror.

“Until you can change yourself back,” Angela smiled and ran her fingers through my hair, straightening it out. It felt good.

“How do I do that?” I whispered back, still staring wide eyed into the mirror.

“You’re not allowed,” She said firmly, turning me away from the mirror to face her and Meredith. I shot a fearful look over toward Meredith who was now much taller than me and leaning against the tub, one hand on the rim for support. “Let’s talk about your name. You don’t look like a Steve. What do you think you look like?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted, taking a quick glance back at the mirror. I think what scared me the most in this moment was how quickly I became comfortable with the role Angela had just forced me into. It felt right, it felt like it was meant to be. It was like…being wrapped in a blanket and held tight. “I can’t really…can you help me?”

“Of course I can, sweetie,” Angela took me by the hand and led me out of the bathroom. We walked down the hall with Meredith in tow until we came to the living room where the large black sectional couch still sat in front of a massive fifty inch OLED television. It was probably outdated tech by now. We sat down on the couch together, and Meredith sort of leaned over us, putting her weight on the back.

“What about Stephanie?” Meredith suggested. “I like that name.”

“She doesn’t look like a Stephanie,” Angela bit her lip. “Have you ever seen a Stephanie with black hair? What about…Margaret?”

“This isn’t the 1800’s,” Meredith said, rolling her eyes. “I lived through them once, let’s not bring it back in style.”

“You loved the 1800’s,” Angela said accusingly. “You still want to wear those stupid dresses and you know it.”

“I like the renaissance dresses better,” Meredith laughed. “I’m a sucker for anything with a bodice.”

“Charlotte?” Angela suggested, looking at me.

“Still outdated,” Meredith informed her. “You need a baby name book or something. Or I could look online.”

“Oh my god,” Angela turned toward her. “You still have that phone? I told you to get rid of that thing.”

“And you’re not my keeper,” Meredith sort of spat back. “I like taking selfies.”

“If you need to see yourself, why don’t you go look in the mirror?” Angela made a motion toward the wall just beside the television where another full length mirror hung. One thing I’d noticed cleaning this place for a decade was the abundance of mirrors. They had a LOT of them.

“That’s not what mirrors are for, and you know it,” Meredith shook her head. I looked back toward Angela who was deep in thought, no doubt still trying to figure out what my name should be.

“Steve,” Angela said, taking both of my hands in hers and staring directly at her. “Think hard, say the first thing that comes to your mind. What do you think your name is?”

“My name is…” I stopped and thought for a moment. This was a hard one, come on, think. “Jasmine, my name is Jasmine.”

“That’s good,” Meredith nodded. “I wouldn’t have thought of that.”

“Are you sure?” Angela smiled. “That’s what you want it to be.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I do.”

“Jasmine is a beautiful name,” She nodded. “From now on, that’s you, unless you want to change it, of course.”

“You know,” Meredith said, stepping around the couch and standing over us. “I’m really surprised you haven’t asked us any questions, you know like, what the hell is happening? Who we are? Why you just spent eleven years cleaning a house…”

“I guess it wasn’t that important to me,” I shrugged. “I could ask you who you are, and you could tell me, but would it mean anything to me?”

“That’s not a bad point,” Angela chuckled. “But you do need to know what’s going on and what you’ve been dragged into, because you’re one of us now. Not intentionally, and I’m sorry about that but it did happen, so we need to address it head on.”

“Can we get her some clothes first?” Meredith suggested.

“Oh can’t you make me clothes?” I asked. “Like you made this dress?”

“I didn’t make the maid uniform,” Angela explained. “I had it already, I just…put it on you, sort of. Um, I’m not really artsy so I don’t make clothes. We have to actually go shopping.”

“That’s a good idea, actually,” Meredith suddenly extended a hand, which I took and allowed her to pull me off the couch. “I’ll take her shopping real quick, get her some actual clothes.”

“That’ll really help,” Angela nodded. “I have a few things to get done around here. The house, well, you know it hasn’t been lived in for like a decade so I need to check the plumbing and make sure all the utilities are still turned on. Can’t really live without our Netflix, can we?”

“Forget Netflix,” Meredith shook her head. “I need Hulu, I’m still watching The Good Doctor. Okay, come on, Jasmine.”

I stood up and followed her, though I couldn’t tell if I was doing it on my own or if I was doing it as a part of her command. I wasn’t sure it mattered. Instead of leading me to the front door, she led me to the full length mirror near the television and pressed a hand to it.

“You’ve probably noticed all the mirrors,” She said. “Angela doesn’t like phones because she thinks the selfie cameras are going to replace mirrors. They’re made of a hyper conductive material that allows is to travel from point to point. Today we should be able to pop out in the dressing room at the Target in town, really easy. Just go ahead and put your hand on top of mine.”

“We’re…going to travel through the mirror?” I asked incredulously.

“Hand on mine,” She repeated. I didn’t ask any more questions, I placed my smaller hand on top of hers and shivered a bit as the air around us grew cold, then gradually warm again. It wasn’t a sudden feeling of movement, nothing much happened really, but in the mirror I saw the room behind us fade away and was suddenly replaced by what I could only describe as a concrete bunker with a few well lights mounted in the ceiling shining down and creating pools of light throughout an otherwise very dark space. I spun around and stared at the white concrete walls in a panic, where were we? This wasn’t a dressing room at target. I immediately looked to Meredith who was staring down at me with a very cold, very composed look on her face.

“Go to the center of the room and kneel,” She told me, no emotion whatsoever. I obeyed. My body obeyed. It didn’t have a choice.

“You know,” She said as I dropped to my knees wincing as they made contact with the cold concrete. I straightened my skirt out so I was at least covered. “Normal girls, mortals, I mean, they could tell you what to do, they could give you commands and you would be inclined to follow them, but your body wouldn’t just go on autopilot. Angela and I, and others like us, our voices carry a bit more authority. We’re meant to influence mortals, we’re meant to cause change. I like this, because I can tell you to do literally anything, and that submissive nature of yours will go right along with it.”

For the first time I noticed she was holding something, what was it? Something long…it was a switch, like the kind you use on horses. Oh god, what was she going to do?

“Meredith…” I said weakly, trembling as she moved toward me.

“Shut up,” She growled. “Shut your mouth. I don’t want to hear a peep out of you. Don’t move, don’t talk, kneel here and take it. Take it like the weakling you are. I don’t care what Angela says, you’re not one of us, you might be immortal, but it was an accident, it was a mistake. After I get done with you today I’m going to leave you in this room, she’ll never find you, and then you can spend all eternity wishing you hadn’t matched with her on that dating site.”

Before I could contemplate what she’d said, she struck me. The switch came down across my face, sending me hurtling across the floor. I tried to scream, but per her command, I couldn’t even open my mouth.

“Get back to the center!” She screamed. Her voice echoed across the room, bouncing off of the concrete walls. “Kneel!”

I obeyed. I took up the kneeling position again, only to be struck again, three more times, this time on the arm, then the back, then my bare feet. I screamed internally, my eyes watered. She didn’t relent, she kept hitting me, over, and over, and over. She kicked me, her pink tennis shoe connected with my chest, knocking the wind out of me and knocking me over. She screamed at me to kneel. My body felt broken, but it still obeyed her command. Again, and again, the switch came down. It struck my upper lip, I felt a pool of blood forming. I felt the warmth running down my face. Oh dear god no, no, no, this couldn’t be happening.

“You’re pathetic!” She screamed with absolute hate and vitriol saturating her words. “I wish I could just let you die."

I heard the switch swing again, singing as it came down toward my body, I cringed, and began to sob, expecting the worst, but it never came. The impact never connected with me, I knelt there, my eyes closed tight, my body shivering. There was no sound; you could have heard a pin drop. What was happening? I opened my eyes, my arms were raised, both of them. They were grasping Meredith’s wrists, keeping the whip in the air just above my head. I’d reached up and grabbed her wrists. I’d stopped it from happening. No, I hadn’t stopped it, she was stronger than me. She’d stopped as soon as I grabbed her wrist. I stared up at her, making eye contact and trembling like never before. There was dead silence for a least a minute before she withdrew her hands and towered over me. I slowly, and carefully stood from my kneeling position in front of her, barely coming up to her chest.

“I am NOT the worst thing that you’re going to face,” She said to me, her face stone, her arms suddenly folded. “I will not go easy on you. I am NOT Angela. I’m going to tell you the truth whether you like it or not. You did good today, you defied me and stopped my arm, but you have a long way to go, and not enough time to get ready. Straighten your dress, we’re going shopping.”

“What should we watch next?” Angela flipped through the Netflix menu on the television, I laid comfortably between the two of them, kind of curled up. It was nice being small. “I think we’ve watched everything on Netflix and Hulu, we’re going to have to wait a few years for them to update the library.”

“Means we’ve been here too long,” Meredith suggested, laying her head back. I stretched a little bit, adjusting my head which was laying against Angela’s shoulder. I was tired, I guess. Our bodies didn’t get tired easily but we’d been awake for a while. The way I felt right now was weird I think. I didn’t feel like an adult anymore and I didn’t feel like a guy pretending to be a girl, not like before. This was different, this was just natural. They had allowed me to slip into my role effortlessly and I didn’t realize it before, but it was what I had always wanted.

“Yeah but if we leave, we’re going to have to actually explain things to Jasmine here, and she hasn’t really been interested,” Angela pointed out. She was right, I hadn’t asked any questions, I mean yeah I was curious, but I felt like if they told me, we’d be moving on to the next ‘thing’. I wanted this ‘thing’ to last for as long as it could. I wanted to feel small and vulnerable, I wanted to lay on the couch and just exist, cuddled up next to Angela, or mom.

“Hey Jasmine, could you sit up?” Meredith asked me. She was being very careful to phrase her commands as questions so that my body didn’t go into autopilot. It was something we’d been working on, but like she said, I still had a long way to go. I stretched and set up, pulling my face away from Angela’s shoulder and looking between them as they sort of angled themselves so that they could both look at me. The television still glowed in front of us. Angela took my hand in hers and smiled at me.

“My dear,” She said, squeezing my hand. “We…have had many names over the centuries, to be quite honest. We’ve been called gods, some people call us angels, pretty commonly we’re called Fae. That mythos is actually the most accurate, but what you don’t realize is that anyone can be one of us. It’s…a matter of time really. When a soul is born it’s placed into a body, the body lives for a while, then it dies, and the soul moves on. All of the memories from your life are stored. You still have them but you don’t readily recall them, not in detail. The experiences you have can help you to be more cautious or more social in the next life. They…teach you lessons really. When you’ve learned everything you need to, you don’t die, your soul ascends and you become like us. You can decide to live in Etherol, the afterlife as you would call it, or you can come back and try to help people learn what they need to learn. We…do things to set certain events in motion, we set up lessons. It’s not for everyone, but some of us like it.”

“Souls carry characteristics,” Meredith took over the explanation, we both turned to her. “Good and evil are elevated in our world, you either follow a strict moral code, or you don’t. Souls don’t change in that regard.”

“Good, and evil,” Angela spoke again. “Are represented by two courts: Seelie, and Unseelie. Most of the time we don’t work together, we sort of do our own things. In the case of Meredith and I, we’ve been working together for the last decade, with some obvious benefits.”

“So…you’re good, and Meredith is evil?” I smirked. “That explains a lot.”

“It’s not nearly that simple,” Meredith lectured me, shaking her head. “I can’t really explain it to you, you’re still new to all this. What you really need to know is that…all souls fit into either Seelie or Unseelie, you can’t choose, and there are no neutral souls.”

At this moment in the conversation there was a long, long pause, and then, finally, Angela said it.

“Except for you.”

“Me? What do you mean, me?”

“When you were born,” Angela began to stroke the side of my head with her free hand. “That was the first time your soul ever entered the world, you’re a brand new soul, you’re an infant. I shouldn’t have done this…thing to you, you should have had many, many more lives to gain experience and to learn, but also…”

“Also?”

“Your soul is truly neutral,” Meredith finished. “You’re not Seelie or Unseelie, you have no commitment either way.

“It seems like a small thing,” Angela told me. “But…one day, when you’ve matured, you could start your own side, your own…faction. Souls would have a choice, they could ride the fence and…as much as it pains me to say it, that can’t happen?”

“Dark and light have to coexist,” Meredith explained. “It’s the balance of the universe, if we lose that balance, who knows what could happen?”

“But the fact is, I like you, and I did a horrible thing to you,” Angela continued to stroke my head, running her slim, soft fingers through my hair and gently massaging my temple. “I don’t want to see anything happen to you, I don’t want you taken advantage of.”

“So what we’re going to do is keep you,” Meredith grinned at me. “As of…eleven years ago, we own you. Well, sort of, we need you to agree to it.”

“Agree to it?” I was confused. “Don’t you already? I can’t leave…”

“It needs to be legal, all proper and stuff,” Meredith explained to me as if she were talking to a child. “You’re not leaving us either way, but we can protect you better if you agree that you’re our property. You’ll sign a form, a portion of your soul energy will be taken and stored. If we lay a claim to you, we have more say in what happens to you, make sense?”

“I guess,” I nodded. “But…isn’t this the kind of thing we’re trying to avoid?”

“The world is a lot darker, and a lot less black and white than you want to think,” Angela said sadly. “It won’t be permanent, we can release you after a few hundred years. I know Meredith has been working with you to make you less submissive-“

“You KNEW?!” I choked, almost glaring at her. “You knew she was doing that to me?!”

“It’s kind of against her alignment,” Meredith shrugged. “Seelies don’t like to torture people. Unseelies…we live for it. I mean, I really get off on it, but I don’t really go all the way with you, what I’m doing to you is less than a fraction of what I’d do to an enemy.”

“We have enemies?!” This was getting way out of hand.

“That’s why Meredith is working with you,” Angela removed her hand from my head and placed it on my shoulder, looking me in the eye once again. “There are…forces out there, and not just Seelie or Unseelie, we’re talking about…creatures, monsters, the world is…complicated. We need to make sure you’re able to defend yourself and not be influenced by them, or either of the courts. You’re a pariah, to put it in a term you can understand.”

“How do we…how do we do the contract?” I wish I could say I didn’t want to do it, but the thought of them actually owning me, yeah, that excited me.

“Well, I’ve called in someone to help, someone who knows the law and can draw up the contract,” Angela explained. She looked toward the mirror, I followed her gaze. I saw it ripple like water, and then, something stepped through. Something I didn’t expect. It wasn’t a man, or a woman. In fact it was a rodent of some kind, with a hard shell. An Armadillo, that’s what it was. It was stood upright, and maybe about two feet tall, pretty big for an Armadillo honestly. That wasn’t the weird thing about it. The weird thing was that it was carrying a tiny briefcase and supported itself with a black, wooden walking stick. Then, as it made its way toward us, the most unsettling thing happened. It spoke, with a thick Scottish accent.

“Well then, you lasses seem to a’ gotten yourself into a bit o’ a bind then ain’t ye? Alright, let’s get it settled.”

I stared incredulously at the creature that had just passed through the mirror. Were my eyes deceiving me, or was this really, truly a talking armadillo? Angela and Meredith immediately rose from the couch, though I sat there, mouth agape until Angela nudged my shoulder. I climbed to my feet and leaned into her, wrapping my arms around her waist. She laid an arm around me and gave me a partial hug.

“And what is it ye’ve got ‘ere?” The armadillo asked, his thick Scottish accent hanging on every word. I trembled as he stepped closer; I don’t know why, but he was intimidating. I felt Angela hug me a little tighter.

“Eustace,” She said, addressing the creature. “This is Jasmine, my daughter. We would seek to enter into the contract of Eaves.

“In a thousand years you ain’t claimed a daughter,” Eustace regarded us suspiciously, or at least I think he did, I couldn’t really read an armadillo’s facial expressions. He shuffled across the living room and stared upward, inspecting me. “This soul, can’t be much more than thirty human years, and seems stunted at that. What’ve ye done, Angeline? What is it ye be protectin’ it from?”

“Some things,” Meredith said confidently. “Are better left unsaid.”

“Do ye have the implements to perform the ceremony?” Eustace cocked his head. “Do ye have the goblet? The blade?”

“I…have a coffee mug?” Angela said kind of doubtfully. “And yes, I keep an athame with me at all times.”

“And has it drawn blood in anger? I know how ye two are,” Eustace’s tone raised a bit. I didn’t blame him, I knew how they were too.

“It’s purity is not in question,” Angela said simply. “I implore you, please do this thing for us.”

“It will be done,” Eustace nodded. “I owe ye a favor after all. I warn ye though, whatever it is you’re a doin’ here, it’ll come back on you later. It may come back on me I’m afraid. But I’ll do it. Consider us even after this.”

“You have my word,” Angela nodded. She tried to pull away from me, but I wrapped my arms tight around her waist. “Meredith, go to the closet and get the chest.”

I squeezed my eyes shut as Meredith disappeared from the room.

“Lassie!” Eustace said, tapping my bare leg with his cane. I jerked at the impact even thought he hadn’t hit me hard at all. “What’re ye’ afraid of? There’s monster a’ plenty out there, ye’ needn’t be fearful of me!”

“She’s very new to all of this,” Angela explained. “A new soul, as you see for yourself.”

“Aye, I do indeed see that,” Eustace nodded. “You givin’ the blessing of immortality to a soul that hasn’t ascended, that ain’t to be looked on kindly by the council – seelie or unseelie.”

“She is my daughter,” Angela replied firmly.

“Aye, then let it be,” Eustace relented as Meredith returned with a small black chest. “Let’s get on wit’ it.”

Angela slowly and gently pulled my arms apart, detaching me from her waist and guided me to the center of the living room where Meredith was spreading a sheet. We took turns kneeling around it, Angela to the left, Meredith to the right, and me in the middle. Eustace stood before us, he and I now at equal height.

“Then let us begin,” Eustace said, looking at all of us, moving his head from left to right. “Now you know lassie, the Contract o’ Eaves, it ‘taint nothin’ to snicker at or take lightly, you be enterin’ into a lifetime o’ servitude.”

“She knows,” Meredith confirmed.

“I should like to ‘ear it from the lass herself, if you don’t mind,” Eustace turned back toward me, his small beady eyes boring into my soul. I simply nodded. He nodded in return and reached into his briefcase, producing a sheet of brown paper, perhaps larger than should have fit inside. “The Contract of Eaves is to be signed in blood, but first, ye must be bound in blood.”

Angela reached into the chest and presented a coffee mug, black with white letters spelling out: ‘New York Fucking City’.

“Give me your wrist,” Angela said, reaching out and taking it as I offered it. She positioned my arm over the mug, and then, suddenly I noticed that in her right hand she was holding a dagger. I instinctively pulled away, but her eyes immediately met mine, a silent order. My body fell still and I allowed her to press the cold steel against my forearm. I winced as she pressed downward and sliced into my flesh, red liquid fleeing gleefully to the surface of the skin, free of a lifetime of imprisonment in my vessels. The red blood turned to black as it trickled slowly down my arm and into the coffee mug at the center of the blanket, and as she withdrew the dagger, the gash on my forearm closed as if it had never been cut. I then watched her and Meredith do the same, When they were finished, Angela passed me the cup. I was hesitant at first, but I took it, staring in to her eyes. “There are no words to say, just drink, a little. Leave some for us.”

I looked at her, still hesitating, still unsure. I didn’t want to drink it, but if that was the worst part of this then…

“Drink,” She commanded softly. I wondered if Eustace noticed. I paid that thought no more mind as I lifted the cup to my mouth and allowed the warm liquid to gather on my tongue and drip into my throat. I’d expected to choke, or at least recoil at the taste, but it was sweet. I liked it, kind of. As soon as I felt it enter my throat I lowered the cup and looked at Angela expectantly. She took the cup from me and drank, Meredith did the same.

“Once more,” Angela said to me, indicating that she wanted my arm again. I held it out timidly and allowed her to cut once again. This time, she reached forward with a feather quill and dipped it into my running blood, handing it to me when she was done.

“The contract,” Eustace informed us, laying the page out in front of us. “Must be signed by all three. Once it is done, tis’ done. You’re sure it be what you want?”

I still wasn’t used to a giant armadillo speaking to me. I don’t think I was used to any of this, but I nodded.

“Your words lass!” Eustace insisted. “Tell it with your words!”

“Yes,” I said, nodding again. A lump was forming in my throat, I’m not sure I could have said anymore. I leaned forward with the quill and scratched my name into the document, in my own blood. Angela did the same, cutting her arm and priming the quill. She then passed it to Meredith who did the same. I watched all three names on the contract momentarily glow, and then fade to black.

“So may it be,” Eustace nodded and took the contract in his paw, placing it back into the tiny briefcase where it disappeared. “I will be on my way to file this, you three, you stay out o’ harm’s way, ye hear?”

“We have every intention to,” Angela assured him as he walked quickly toward the mirror.

“See that you do,” He said, shaking his head. “I don’t want to ‘ear about you bein’ pulled out o’ a gutter tomorrow, or the next week.”

With that, he placed his paw on the mirror and vanished before our eyes. What the hell had just happened? I remained kneeling in complete silence, unsure of what to do or what to say. I didn’t have to say anything, it turns out. Angela pulled me toward her and embraced me, I melted into her arms as her warmth enveloped my body.

“It’s time for you to get dressed,” She told me. “There’s a fair in town, and I think it’s time for you to really get out of the house, and not just for shopping, or for Meredith to beat you within an inch of your life.”

“A fair?” I perked up a little bit. “Can I get cotton candy?”

“Yes honey,” She snickered a bit. “You can get cotton candy.”

“Why did we drive a car if we can just walk through mirrors?” I asked as Meredith eased her car between two others on a temporary grass lot.

“Because it freaks people out when we just appear in front of them,” Angela told me, rummaging through her purse for something. Finally, she yanked a pink bracelet from the bag and handed it to me through the seats. It was pretty plain; there was nothing special about it, it kind of reminded me of a slap bracelet, though without the slapping part. “Put that on, it makes it easier to find you in a crowd.”

I didn’t bother questioning her, or rather I couldn’t question her. I just snapped the bracelet into place, immediately noticing that while I was able to put it on, I couldn’t remove it no matter how much I tugged.

“It’s fine,” She smiled at me. “It’s just so no one can take it off of you.”

“Who would take it off of me?” I asked, a little worried.

“No one today,” She reassured me. “Come on, let’s go in.”

I pulled the silver handle and listened to the ‘clunk’ of the bolt being released as I pushed on the door. It was accompanied by a creak and my feet connected with the grass, my long pink skirt billowing out around me. The dress they’d put me in was weird, kind of. It was a pink overdress on top of a white chemise with flared sleeves, like a renaissance dress. It was strange attire for the fair but I’d really learned not to ask questions. We’d spent a full six months at the house watching television, playing board games, and having Meredith ‘teach’ me regularly and while the time had passed like days, the one thing I’d learned to do was let go of my tendency to question things. At least where Meredith and Angela were concerned. It was hard in some ways, really hard, because I could remember being an adult, an eighteen year old guy with his own job, his own apartment, a car, a girlfriend…sort of. I remembered all of that and I remembered being independent, but now I’d gone backwards. I didn’t hate it, I loved it in fact, but it was hard to get used to. As soon as I closed the door, Angela was beside me, her hand in mine and guiding me to the front of the car. Meredith straightened the shoulder strap of my over-dress and checked to make sure the skirt was straight.

“Why am I the only one dressed like this?” I asked, looking to both of them who were dressed very casually.

“Because,” Angela said cheerfully. “If we can do anything we want with you why wouldn’t we put you in adorable outfits?”

“And if you say you don’t like it, you’re lying,” Meredith pointed out. She wasn’t wrong. As we moved through the parking lot, either of my hands grasped firmly in one of theirs I still found it a little weird that I absolutely had to go with them. Like, I had no choice, I couldn’t turn around and leave even if I wanted to. It was a wonderful yet terrifying feeling, having my future and nearly every movement dictated by them, but I had fallen into a trap of my own making and I couldn’t imagine going back to the way my life was eleven years ago. The loneliness, needing to be controlled but never finding a way to get it. In a way I’d gotten what I wanted, and I felt content.

At the entrance to the fair we encountered the most peculiar thing; the entryway was a castle façade with turrets and a ticket booth beneath, a sign reading “Ypsilanti Medieval Fair 2030”.

“Medieval fair?” I looked up at Angela. “What’s that? What kind of fair is this?”

“Don’t worry, you’re going to have fun sweetie,” Angela reassured me. “We go to these every year.”

“AND they have cotton candy,” Meredith told me as we passed beneath the archway and stood in front of the ticket booth. Just beyond the shade of the archway I observed people walking in all directions wearing costumes similar to mine, though some of them were dressed as casually as Angela and Meredith.

“Three please!” Angela said to the booth attendant. The man behind the window, dressed as a jester looked to me immediately. Oh god, what was he looking at?

“Hey, kids under fourteen get in free,” He said, nodding toward me. My eyes went wide, how old did I look? I mean I knew she’d made me look young but I wasn’t prepared for that statement.

“You hear that sweetie?” We don’t have to pay for you!” Angela laughed and patted me on the head. I giggled involuntarily. As she paid, Meredith interlocked her arm with mine and guided me past the archway, into the crowd of people. The energy of the place was what struck me immediately; people everywhere, kids, adults, pets, all buzzing around excited about one thing or another as they pounded up and down the dirt paths, visiting various booths. I was having a hard time comprehending the energy that was afoot here honestly, what was it like to just forget all of your worries and just…be here, to exist in one place rather than a million other places at once? It was almost as if Meredith read my mind, she tapped my arm, I looked up at her.

“You need to let go of whatever it is that’s bothering you,” She told me. “Today you’re going to have fun – hey look at that, they have archery.”

“I think that’s my specialty,” Angela said as she joined us, affixing a paper armband to my wrist and handing one to Meredith.

“Just like you to steal all the glory,” Meredith laughed as we casually followed the flow of the crowd and stepping up to a long booth manned by three people.

“Step right up!” One of them invited in a thick English accent. “Test your skill at archery and win a prize!”

“And what’s the top prize?” Meredith cocked her head. “Is it worth my time?”

“It’s a recurve bow, from the one and only Broderick over there!” The old man pointed a bony finger forward a tent across the path. We all turned, I heard Meredith whisper something to Angela who nodded.

“We’ll try it,” She nodded. “Do you have a bow that’s…easier for a girl?”

“I think we can help with that!” The man nodded. “It’s ten dollars for ten arrows, and you have to hit that moving target five times, on the red spot, there, you see?”

“My god,” Angela craned her neck to see. “That target is like two hundred yards away.”

“You don’t think we just give it away do you?” The old man chuckled.

“Worth a try,” Angela laughed as she handed the money over and took the bow they handed her. Meredith rolled her eyes. We talked over to the range, stepping in between two people. Meredith pulled me back a little bit and pointed at Angela.

“Watch her form,” Meredith told me. “See how she holds it? Look at the bend of her arm, look at how she’s standing.”

I nodded. I had no idea why she would be telling me any of this, but I listened to her intently as I watched Angela fire multiple arrows, missing the first few which elicited laughter from the old man and his co-workers at the booth. Suddenly, her next arrow struck the moving target right on one of the red dots, causing them to fall silent. Their mouths went slack as she fired a few more, each one striking a the target with a ‘thud’. She fired the last arrow, it swished through the air and landed perfectly.

“My god lady,” the old man said. “Who are you?”

“No one you would know,” Angela said coyly, her upper lip pressed on her lower, forming a smug grin.

“Right then,” The old man shook his head. “Take this slip over to Broderick, he’ll set you right.”

“I appreciate it,” Angela did a curtsey, holding an arm out to her side. The old man shook his head.

“Come on,” Meredith laughed as she pulled me away from the booth and back toward the dirt path.

“What do you think?” Angela crouched down a bit to meet me at my eye level. Honestly she was only about two heads taller than me but she was practically a giant. “Are you having fun?”

“I…don’t know,” I swiveled my head nervously, regarding all the people with caution. “I’ve never been to a place like this before…”

“Never?” Meredith raised an eyebrow. “Not once, in all the years you were-“

“Her parents wouldn’t have let her,” Angela explained. “This would have been um…probably satanic or something.”

“And what’s wrong with that?” Meredith folded her arms and shook her head. “I’ve met Satan, he’s a really nice guy. Pretty quick with his tongue.”

“Let’s get over to Broderick’s tent,” Angela laughed. “Before he has a huge line.”

Across the path we passed out of the sunlight and into a white, shady tent filled with wooden bows, all affixed to racks, and at the center, a wooden table. Along the walls of the tent, patches of sunlight teased the fabric, intermixed with dark patches of shadow, providing just enough light to make the interior fully visible. Our feet trod along tall grass, a stark reminder that we were still in fact outdoors. In the center, near the table, stood a man in a leather jerkin and greaves, reading over a sheet of paper. His slicked back black hair and relatively fair skin put him at about thirty in appearance but I had learned not to trust appearance.

“Broderick!” Meredith called out happily as we approached. He glanced up from his paper a wide grin forming across is face.

“Meredith! Angeline!” He replied, setting the paper down. “I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“Three years,” Angela laughed. “Barely a fortnight really.”

The three took turns embracing. I felt so awkward, who was this guy? Why did he know my mother? As I was wondering that he turned to look down at me.

“And who do we have here?” He asked of me. I looked down, toward the grass. I don’t know why I was so nervous.

“This,” Angela said as she placed a hand on my back and pushed me forward. “Is my daughter, Jasmine. Say hello to Broderick, Jasmine.”

“H…hello,” I whispered, trying my best to make eye contact but doing no better than staring at the man’s legs.

“No need to be nervous,” Broderick laughed. “I can’t be that scary.”

“True,” Angela nudged me. “She hasn’t seen you drunk yet so she has no reason to be afraid.”

“Please,” Broderick laughed. “I’m a pleasant drunk and you know it.”

“Tell that to that poor cow,” Meredith rolled her eyes.

“And then,” Broderick interrupted her, as if she were about to say something horribly embarrassing. “What is it that brings you to my humble tent?”

As he said that I turned my head, surveying the contents of the tent which seemed anything but humble.

“I won the prize,” Angela said.

“Well of course you did,” Broderick said, raising his shoulders in a partial shrug. “But what would a girl like you need with one of my bows? I’ve seen what you’re carrying.”

“Not for me today,” Angela touched my shoulder. “I would like something for my daughter.”

“Your daughter,” Broderick looked down at me. “Little girl, if you’re going to be the daughter of Angeline it won’t do for you to cower like that, you need to stand proud.”

“Oh leave her alone,” Angela scolded him. “She’s very new to all of this.”

“To be chosen as the daughter of a Fae is no small deal,” Broderick told me as I continued staring at the ground. “Especially when it’s a soul as new as you. You must be someone special, very special.”

Yes, I was either special, or a decade ago I had begged Angela to dominate me over and over again until she’d finally relented and left me on autopilot, cleaning her house for over a decade. It was one of the two.

“Can you help us, Broderick?” Angela asked, though from the tone of her voice I sensed it wasn’t much of a question.

“Aye, of course I can,” He nodded. “Girl, look up at me.”

I slowly raised my head, meeting his gaze. He had kind eyes but I still felt horribly intimidated.

“For the daughter of Angeline,” He said, reaching beneath his table and producing a long object wrapped in white linen. “I’m imagining troubling times ahead, so I won’t mess around. This isn’t the best bow, by any means, but it’s the best you’ll get in this tent, and the best you’ll get from me, that’s for sure.”

He held the package out to me, Angela nudged me until I took it in both hands.

“You’ll need to teach her to be less timid,” Broderick shook his head. “I don’t know what the circumstances here are, but it can’t be good.”

“I’ll teach her,” Angela confirmed. “She’ll be ready, for whatever may come.”

“For whatever may come,” Broderick echoed back.

“Come on Jasmine,” Angela said as the tension in the tent came to a head. “Let’s get you your cotton candy.”

“What are you thinking over there, Jasmine?” Angela asked me. I suddenly realized I was lost in thought, probably staring off into the distance.

“I…” I started to say, but trailed off, unsure of what I wanted to tell them. I gathered myself and sighed. “I’m just…I don’t want this to end. I like being…this. I like being your daughter, I like being…”

“Kept?” Angela finished for me, she stared at me from across the table with some concern as she sipped her drink. Around us, other people, dressed in medieval clothing milled around, talking, laughing, enjoying life, ignorant of the fact that three people sitting at the table here were immortal and that I had until recently been an eighteen year old man.

“I feel safe,” I admitted. “I want to be…like this.”

“Is that why we haven’t made any progress in our sessions?” Meredith raised an eyebrow. “You like being controlled? Still?”

“We’ll talk about it later,” Angela informed me. It probably wasn’t a conversation that I would be able to avoid. “What we’re going to do now, is teach you to socialize. You suck at it.”

“What? No I don’t,” I started to argue. Okay, maybe they were right.

“Over there,” Angela pointed to our left; off in the distance I saw a primitive wooden stage with a gathering of people, and a single musician belting out some kind of old Celtic ballad. They were dancing, and singing – something I would have vehemently avoided in a previous life. “You’re going to go over there with us, you’re going to dance, you’re going to have fun, have a problem with that? Too bad.”

I sulked a little bit until Meredith looked at me with a stern expression.

“Don’t make us order you,” She lectured.

“Please,” I whispered. “Please order me.”

“Okay this is getting to be a problem, and like I said, we’ll talk about it later,” Angela began to lay into me. “Let’s go.”

We rose from the table, Meredith taking her hand in mine and leading me toward the crowd. I obediently followed, keeping one hand at my side, the material of my skirt bunched up in my fist to keep it from dragging against the dirt.

“Come on!” Angela smiled broadly and began clapping her hands as I was thrust with her into the mass of people. “Come on, follow our lead!”

Meredith sort of laughed at me as she started dancing to the music, and Angela grabbed my wrists, forcing my arms into motion.

“I don’t really dance,” I tried to speak loudly to make my voice heard over the music. From the stage and over the speakers, the old Irish tune was still being belted out, somewhat off-key: “Whack fol the dah, will ya dance to yer partner, Around the flure yer trotters shake, Wasn't it the truth I told you? Lots of fun at Finnegan's Wake.”

“You’re doing it!” Angela said encouragingly as she loosed my wrists and sent me spiraling back into the crowd. I immediately bumped into someone, another girl about my age who laughed loudly and grabbed my hands, leading me in the dance. I began to relax a bit and even laughed at myself.

“I’m Annabelle!” She shouted over the music, her words barely registered. “What’s your name?”

“My name is S…Jasmine! My name is Jasmine!” I shouted back. She smiled and nodded. We continued with the dance until the song faded out and the crowd began to disperse.

“Hey, you wanna go get something to drink?” Annabelle asked me. My ears were still ringing from the music, but my body felt so alive. I glanced back at Angela for permission, only to see her wave me off. Right, she wanted me to socialize. I looked back to Annabelle, she was cute, definitely cute with dirty blonde hair that hung about two inches past her shoulders, a freckled face, and dressed in a cute bodice top with a white chemise beneath.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I would…love that.”

As we walked, I became aware of Angela walking past me, and without a word, shoved a ten dollar bill into my hand. I clutched it and tried to stuff it into my pocket, only to remember I was wearing a dress, and this particular dress had no pockets.

“Are you from around here?” Anabelle asked me, leading us toward a concession stand. “You look like a fish out of water.”

“I do?” I asked curiously. I thought I’d done a pretty good job of blending in.

“Uh-huh,” She nodded. “So what’s your deal? You seem way too young to be a fae.”

“Wait,” I sort of gasped. “You’re…a fae? You’re…”

“Yes, silly,” She laughed. “If you were older you’d be able to pick us out in a crowd pretty easily. “

“I guess….I don’t know how it all works,” I admitted. “I mean I…how old should I be?”

“Sweetie,” She said with a bit of a giggle. “A fae is a person who has lived through many, many lives, it’s ascension. You’re way too young, unless something went terribly wrong. Either way…”

We reached the concession stand, I tried to had her my $10 bill as she ordered two lemonades only to have my hand gently pushed away, with her telling me she ‘had this’. I suddenly realized that I felt very, very at ease with this girl. Maybe more so than I’d felt with anyone before, it was a strange feeling.

“So tell me,” She said, as she led me away from the crowd and to a slightly more secluded spot, a picnic table beside a metal charcoal grill, inert, but still way out of place for a medieval fair. “What’s the deal? Who made you?”

“I…I think I’m a little confused,” I admitted. “This isn’t normal? There aren’t more…people like me?”

“New souls walking around with fae blood and immortality?” She giggled as she sipped on her lemonade. “No, never seen that before. It’s not impossible but I’m not going to lie here, we’re kind of elitists and…it really defeats the purpose of being a fae if…you know. So why? I’m really curious why someone would do this?”

“I…think it was an accident,” I admitted. “My life…before was really weird, I mean looking back now it was weird.”

“How so?” She stared at me intently, I was kind of getting lost in her eyes if we were being perfectly honest, and then I had to shake it off; the girl was my age, which meant…no, if she was fae she could be a lot older, right? Oh god how was I supposed to sort this out in my head?

“So it’s like…my parents were…Christians, really hardcore Christians, and…they…they believed things and they made me believe those things. It was so…odd growing up because if I had an opinion that was different than theirs, I was punished. I wasn’t allowed to talk back or debate with them; everything I said had to align with their views exactly or I’d be grounded, or beaten. Obedience was kind of the core of who I was growing up and…as I got older, I never really got over it. I guess I still haven’t gotten over it and…I think my friend Angela is trying to help me. She says I’m her daughter now.”

“Angeline took a daughter?” Annabelle said, craning her neck to see over my shoulder. “Either she messed up or you really are special. No matter what though, I think the best advice I can offer you is that you’re not your parents. I had a lot of parents throughout my lives, obviously, some were great, some were not so great, and one of the most important lessons I learned, was that while other people mold who we are to an extent, we decide who we are in the end. You’re in control, Jasmine, not your parents, or the ghosts of your parents, whatever the case may be. You didn’t have centuries of growth so you obviously didn’t learn this lesson. It’s okay, I mean, Angeline is definitely someone who will help you. One of the lessons you would have learned, had you been given the chance though, is that there are two sides to every story. Abusive behavior is learned. Living through every life, you get the chance to be the abuser, or be the abused. It seems kind of shitty, but…it’s how we get where we are. The most important takeaway is…our situation sit the result of circumstances seen or unseen, ours or someone else’s. One way or another, we’re all connected and we have to do right by eachother.”

“I think…I get it?” I was still confused. I was really confused.

“No matter,” She smiled, standing up from the picnic table and motioning for me to follow. “Let’s go this way, I saw your mother and Broderick walking toward the clearing.”

I followed her into the treeline, down a winding path, and just as I wondered whether or not I should be straying this far from the fair, we emerged into a clearing where Angela, Meredith, Broderick, and a few others were gathered.

“Jasmine!” Angela waved to me. “We’re just catching up back here, I haven’t seen some of these people in years!”

“Hello,” I said timidly. As I did, a few of them turned to me, one was an older, balding man, clad in a black jacket with a sword strapped to his back.

“What’s this?” The man turned to Angela. “Is that a pet? It’s ten years old at most.”

His statement elicited laughter from the others around. Angela crossed her arms.

“Very funny,” She said. “This is my daughter, Jasmine.”

“Pray tell,” A black haired woman said. “What is something THAT young doing among the fae?”

“Whatever she may be,” Angela explained to them harshly. “She is protected under the Contract of Eaves, she is not to be touched, apart from by those who entered into the contract with her.”

The clearing fell silent, and I noticed Annabelle turning slowly and stepping away from me.

“You…entered into the Contract of Eaves with your own daughter?” Broderick raised an eyebrow at Angela.

“For her own protection,” Angela said adamantly.

“You spoke to me as if I were an equal,” Annabelle glared at me.

“I…”I stuttered. “What was I supposed to-“
“You’re a slave, you’re under the Contract of Eaves and you dared to speak to me with such disrespect?” Her gaze was bearing down on me, I stuttered and looked over to Angela and Meredith for help, but all I got from either of them was a cold stare. What were they playing at? “Get on your knees!”

As expected, my body just responded. I dropped to the dirt, my dress tangling beneath me. I breathed heavily, I wanted to scream, I was so utterly humiliated and I didn’t even know what was going on.

“Angeline,” The black haired woman said. “You need to teach your girl manners.”

“I apologize for her,” Angela explained. “She’s new, we didn’t expect her to run into another Fae here, at least not without our supervision. We only entered into the contract a few days ago, she hasn’t had time to learn all of the customs.”

“I demand an apology,” Annabelle’s voice boomed above me. “I won’t have filth talking to me like it’s my best friend.”

I looked back at Angela again, my eyes pleading. She looked at me calmly.

“You’re going to have to do that, Jasmine,” She said softly. “Apologize.”

“I’m…sorry,” I whimpered. “I…”

“You’re sorry for what?” Annabelle suddenly slapped me, her hand blasting the side of my face, the impact radiating from my cheek up to my temple. I whimpered and nearly lost my balance.

“I’m…sorry I spoke to you,” That was all I could think of.

“And don’t do it again! You speak when you’re spoken to, don’t open your filthy mouth around me!” With that, she raised her left foot and kicked me in the chest, knocking me onto my back and forcing the wind from my lungs. I laid on the ground choking and wheezing while Angela simply shook her head.

“Jasmine, get up, we’re leaving,” She commanded me. I immediately rose and ran over to her, practically hiding behind her like a child. I was a child. “Broderick, we’ll be in touch.”

Broderick nodded as Angela and Jasmine led me from the clearing; I could feel all of their eyes upon us as we went.

“Do you see the problem now?” Meredith hissed at me. “Do you want people to be able to command you like that? You need to sort your shit.”

I wanted to respond, but I just couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Again,” Meredith said coldly. As always, my body responded to her command; I ran back to beginning of the obstacle course, bow in hand and gripped the rope net, hurtling up and over the obstacle as I raced toward the next.

“Meredith please,” I sobbed as I ran, completely out of breath and barely able to keep upright. “Please just let me stop for a minute.”

“Stop talking,” She commanded. She wasn’t even yelling, or screaming. She was speaking in a normal tone of voice and that’s what scared me the most. She wasn’t doing this because she was angry; there was virtually no emotion behind it. “Keep your body upright, don’t sway like that.”

After the incident at the fair we’d ridden home in complete silence, and once in the house, Meredith had immediately taken me to a mirror. This place was like her other bunker, but contained a massive obstacle course complete with climbing walls, ropes, ladders, and jumping platforms. It might sound like fun, but we’d been at it for…I don’t even know how long.

“Please, I want mommy,” I choked out through my tears.

“I said stop talking,” She repeated. “This isn’t a punishment. Stop whining.”

“This isn’t fair!” I screamed as I jumped over a low hurdle, keeping the bow firmly in my blistering hand. “You know I can’t stop unless you let me!”

“Really? Then how are you talking to me right now?” She asked me as she fast-walked alongside me. “I told you to shut up but you’re still talking. Get the picture? You want it to end, you know what you have to do. You cleaned Angela’s house for eleven years, how long do you want to run this obstacle course?”

As I ran across a small balance beam, my foot slipped from underneath me and the bow dropped from my hand, clattering against the floor.

“Hey!” Meredith shouted, making a beeline onto the obstacle course, switch in hand. I tried to rush forward, to get away from her, but she immediately dug her nails into my neck and slammed me against the floor. The switch came down, once, twice, three times. I screamed and sobbed with every impact. “You keep the bow IN your hand! Do NOT drop that!”

“It’s heavy!” I shouted back, trying to wrestle out of her grip. Her nails dug in tighter, I flailed slapped my hand against the ground.

“Stop flopping around like a god damn fish and PICK UP THE BOW!” Her lips were maybe an inch from my ear. My hands desperately searched the floor as her grip tightened.

“Why are you doing this?!” I screamed, my throat parched and burning. When was the last time I’d had water?

“Oh you don’t like this?” She goaded. “You think this is bad? Are you uncomfortable? Just imagine what’s going to happen when someone else gets their hands on you and you can’t say no to them just because you thought it was fun to be coddled and controlled. Pick. Up. The. BOW!”

My fingers found it and wrapped around the grip, Meredith immediately released me and I dropped to the floor, momentarily enjoying the rest I was getting.

“Get up! Move!” She screamed. “Get to the end, then go back and do it again!”

“How many more times?” I asked, my voice cracking.

“Until you can walk out!” She continued walking alongside me, switch in hand. “What are you doing?! Climb that net the right wa- hold the hell on!”

All at once, she was climbing the rope net, not even breaking a sweat. She mounted the wall and grabbed me by the shoulders, glaring at me.

“You’re doing this like a fucking child,” She growled. “I swear to god I’m going to-“

I don’t know what came over me, one moment she was manhandling me, the next, I’d pulled my fist back and sent it rushing at her chest. The impact wasn’t severe, I wasn’t that strong, but it was enough to make her stumble, and suddenly, she slipped on the edge and hurtled toward the ground. I snarled and curled my lip, literally hurling myself off of the obstacle toward her, colliding with her body as she slammed into the ground.

“I’m done with this you bitch!” I screamed as I began to pound into her with both of my fists.

“Stop it!” She ordered. “Fucking stop it! Get off of me and get on your fucking knees!”

“No, no, no, no no!” I screamed, hitting her over, and over again.

“I’m giving you one last chance!” She exclaimed. I struck her in the face as hard as I could. I couldn’t see much; my vision was obscured by tears and blind rage. All at once, my fists stopped. She simply took both of them in her hands and pushed me off of her, but very gently. I expected her to stand and tower over me again, and maybe start screaming, but instead she knelt and placed her hands on my shoulders, pressing her forehead to mine. “How do you feel?”

I breathed heavily, I rolled my eyes up to meet hers.

“I…” I was breathless, speechless, I didn’t know what to say.

“Jasmine,” She said calmly. “Talk to me. What do you feel?”

“I can’t…I don’t…”

“Say something,” She told me. I shook my head violently.

“You need to vent,” She told me. “It’s not an order, I’m asking you to do it for your own sanity.”

“I feel…” I choked out. “I feel…free. Like…I don’t know.”

I couldn’t really describe what I was feeling. Something was different, she’d beaten something out of me, it was weird, I felt different. What had just happened?

“Jasmine?” She rubbed my cheek. “Come on, what’s going on in your head.”

“Get me out of here,” I begged. “I don’t want to be in here, please.”

She nodded and helped me to my feet, leading me toward a mirror on the nearby wall. She pressed my hand to it, and suddenly, the bunker around us vanished. It was replaced by a starfield, a black void around us, nothing beneath our feet. We were in space. I shrieked and flailed my arms, but I immediately noticed that I was standing upright, my feet were planted firmly on something. In front of me I could see two spiral galaxies, one right next to the other at a slight angle. At the center of one, a bright glowing light unlike anything I’d ever seen.

“Meredith,” I gasped. “What…how…”

“It’s…a bubble,” She explained. “I made it a long, long time ago. I’m a lot older than Angela. I’ve had time. I wanted you to see this, so you could understand.”

“Understand...what?” I was so confused.

“A fae is more than just immortality and being able to do parlor tricks. That’s cool and all but…a fae is her…or his collected knowledge. Experience, the ability to build the wall between thinking and feeling. It’s about the endless traditions and customs. It’s a whole new world. I can teach you customs, Angela and I can help you with a lot of things but…the experience needed to think like us? To think like us? To exist on our level? That’s going to be something entirely different. That’s why we had you enter into the Contract of Eaves. You cannot make it on your own in this world. I know you never asked for it, I know you didn’t want it, but you’re here now. So…I want to explain how this works.”

“How what works?” I asked, stepping away from her a bit, taking in the beauty of the scene before me. The galaxies stretched out endlessly in front of us; I couldn’t believe that we lived down there, somewhere. We were so tiny in comparison.

“Earth is…just one planet of many, many billions. They’re all connected, all part of this universe, and this universe…just one of billions. All of them surrounding Etherol…another name for the afterlife, you’d call it I guess. It’s where Fae, and human souls, and other creatures reside. A mortal soul can stay there for as long as it wants after death, but if it ever wants to ascend, it has to go back again, and again, and again until…”

“How long did you live?” I was still staring at the expanse before me, awestruck. “How long did it take you to ascend?”

“Ten thousand years,” She sighed. “It was…a pretty short ascension really. I wasn’t from Earth, obviously, my soul bounced around a lot, it wasn’t really bound. Angela ascended faster, she…had a knack for attuning souls. She was able to attune her own, and triggered her own ascension. It’s very rare, that’s why she was able to attune yours, even if she only meant it to be temporary.”

“Meredith…I have to know,” I turned to her. “You guys said…something about me being able to pick a side or…something like…I don’t have to be dark or light? What does that mean?”

“It just means one day you’ll be truly free,” She told me. “Free of this light and dark bullshit, free of the politics. You can live your own life, whatever that means. They’re going to want you, though. You have to understand. They’ll want you bad. Because, Jasmine, whether you want to, or plan to, or not, you have the ability to change the natural order. The multiverse is kept in balance by light and dark, but you’re an anomaly. I don’t know how it happened, I’ve never seen it before. Maybe you were born like this, maybe Angela made you this way on accident, I don’t know. It’s really hard to say. Fact is, I don’t think you want to do anything. I think you want to stay with Angela, be her daughter, and be coddled for all eternity and you know what? I think she’d let you. I think she’d even be happy. But you know what? I think it’s only a matter of time before someone notices you exist, they figure out what you are, and, well, let me tell you this: you can’t kill a soul. If you die in your soul form, in Etherol, you’re just wiped clean. Memories gone, you name it. That’s as close as a soul gets to death. Even if you were wiped clean your soul would STILL be unaligned, so what they would do, is keep you locked up somewhere. Probably in a box. Darkness, forever, and we wouldn’t be able to save you. Jasmine, I’m only a sadist to people who deserve it and I can tell you right now, you don’t. You’re going to have to start listening, because things are only going to get worse.”

“I think I should run the obstacle course again,” I suggested.

“I have something better than that.”

“First and foremost,” Angela said, standing maybe three feet from me. “You’re going to learn to string this bow. Notice how the arms are curved, you see?”

I nodded. For the first time I was really getting a look at my bow. It was made from a sleep black wood, very simple, but also a bit heavier than I’d expected. I couldn’t help but feel a little bit of contempt looking at it, as Meredith had forced me to run the obstacle course over and over again while holding it. Still, it was something Angela wanted me to have, and that was enough to make me love it.

“So what you’re going to do is take the string and nock it, here at this end. Then I want you to put the arm against the flood and press down on it with your foot. Don’t worry, you’re not going to break it. Once it beds, you can string the other end. Very easy, try it.”

I took the bow from her hands and pressed it against the floor like she showed me, but my first attempt resulted in the blow recoiling and literally smacking me in the face. I expected her and Meredith to laugh, but neither of them made a sound other than to give me tips for doing it better. With their help, I eventually managed to get the bow strung, and once done, it was much more recognizable as a weapon. I couldn’t help staring at it, there was something so…majestic about it, really.

“Stop eye fucking it and come over here,” Angela put an arm around me and guided me over to what could only be described as a makeshift archery range. Meredith had explained to me that she had several of these bunkers, all underground, and each one serving a different purpose. This one, I guess, was an archery range. According to Angela she had one in Alabama dedicated to her DVD collection. “Here, take the bow, use your left hand to hold the grip and lift it up, like this, put that at your eye level.”

She manipulated my arms, lecturing me that my draw hand needed to be higher than my aiming arm. Rather than firing an arrow, she made me stop, release, and reassume the position until she was certain I’d gotten it right.

“You have to bring it up faster than that,” Meredith said from the sidelines. “You can’t fumble around with it. It needs to be up, have an arrow in it, and be aimed within two seconds.”

“Two seconds?” My jaw dropped. “That’s not even possible!”

“Not possible for a mortal,” Angela confirmed. “But you ran her obstacle course for a week and didn’t get tired. We’re stronger, we’re faster, we’re more skilled. However…so are our enemies.”

“You know what I want to know?” I said, thinking out loud. “If Fae are supposed to be some kind of guardians, what the fuck kind of natural order dictated that they should have enemies that are stronger than them?”

“Fae weren’t always the guardians, it’s passed many times over the millennia,” Meredith explained to me. “There was a time when we were the vanguard of the Greek Pantheon. When they died out, people turned to us. There are many out there who truly think the time of the Fae should come to an end. They think they can do better.”

“What do you think?” I regarded her curiously. I didn’t want to be argumentative, I really wanted to know.

“I think I’m tired,” Meredith replied. “Notch an arrow, get it aimed, now.”

I grabbed an arrow from the quiver in Angela’s hand and notched it onto the string, but the moment I tried to bring the bow up, I slipped and watched the arrow clatter against the concrete floor.

“Another,” Angela held the quiver out toward me. I tried again, this time at least managing to keep the arrow on the string and resting on my hand. “Pull back, don’t let it go, just hold it.”

I did my best to keep my fingers wrapped around the end of the arrow but it wasn’t long before they began to shake.

“You’re a Fae, Jasmine,” Angela lectured me as I stood there, my arm beginning to quiver, a bead of sweat rolling from my hairline. “Your body doesn’t give out that easily. Stop thinking you’re a mortal human.”

I tried, I really tried, but it was hard, it was like my body wanted me to stop even though my mind knew I was tougher than that.

“Hey,” Meredith interrupted us. “There’s someone at the door, at the house.”

“How do you know that?” I asked, turning my head to look at her. As I did, my finger slipped, loosing the arrow and sending it barreling down the range. It missed the wooden target setup completely and smashed against the brick wall. Both Meredith and Angela glanced downrange momentarily, and then continued as if nothing had happened.

“Let’s get back,” Angela said. “I think our little girl here has had enough for the day.”

“You mean little princess,” Meredith corrected. “That’s what she acts like.”

Angela took my hand and guided me to the mirror as if she just didn’t trust me to walk on my own. I’d noticed that…a lot. They were always guiding me or walking with me; I’d barely had any time alone, and honestly, we didn’t sleep much, so there was no good reason to sequester myself in a bedroom. Come to think of it, I didn’t even have a bedroom. Holding my hand, Angela pressed it to the mirror, and like magic, as always, the bunker faded away, replaced by the white walls of Angela’s two story home.

“Alright, let’s see whose at the door,” Angela said in a kind of sing-songy voice as she made her way from the living room toward the foyer.

“How did you guys know anyone was at the door?” I repeated.

“It’s our house, Jasmine,” Meredith told me. She didn’t bother to explain any further.

I stood behind them as Meredith threw the door open, and the moment I saw who was standing there on our porch I almost collapsed.

“Annabelle!” Meredith said. “Welcome! What brings you to our home?”

“Grave news I’m afraid,” Annabelle said, stepping past Meredith and standing before us. I stepped backward a bit, pressing myself against Angela’s back. “But before we get to that…Jasmine, step out here please.”

I didn’t want to. I think I would crawled up Angela’s butt at that point if she hadn’t stepped out of the way and pushed me forward to the center of the foyer. I instinctively dropped do my knees and downcast my eyes. I hadn’t been ordered to, and after Meredith’s relentless sessions, I wasn’t even sure that an order would work on me, at least not like that.

“Jasmine, darling, do you know what the Contract of Eaves was for? It was conceived in the city of Eaves, you probably haven’t heard of it, it’s a massive city, south of the Antarctic barrier. It was designed to prevent human slaves from being snatched away by rival companies or organizations. Fae laws are…convoluted. You see dear, while the contract protects you, Fae law allows that slaves may be punished by any free person, so no matter what the contract says, I can slap you, or kick you, or do, well, anything as long as I don’t kill you or permanently disable you. Now you understand, that doesn’t go for just me, that goes for any free that comes into contact with you. It’s a nasty side effect but it keeps you here, with your mother, and Meredith in the long term. As for why I hit you? Broderick is old school, he would expect it. If I hadn’t struck you, he would have, and he wouldn’t have held back the way I did. So please, for the love of the gods, stand up.”

Was I really hearing that right? I slowly lifted my head, meeting her gaze, she was staring at me expectantly.

“Jasmine, I appreciate the respect you’re showing me, I really do, but I need you to get up now. We don’t have time for this.”

Angela’s hand appeared next to me. I took it and allowed her to pull me to my feet. I still instinctively kept my eyes pointed toward the floor.

“Ladies, we are facing a problem,” Annabelle told us. “And the Seelie court adjunct, would like for us to take care of it.”

“Us specifically?” Meredith raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”

“Well it would seem,” She said. “That Eustace has gone missing, and we have very few leads to go on. Shall we get started?”

“Jasmine, sweetie,” Angela said, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Go upstairs, please, into mine and Meredith’s room. I want you to stay there until we come to get you, okay?”

“Wait, what?” I turned to her, an expression of shock and confusion painting my face. “I don’t understand, I want to know what’s going on.”

“This isn’t for you to hear,” Anabelle said, her face stony. “Do as your mother says.”

“I’m not a kid!” I argued “I…”

“You are a kid,” Meredith informed me. “and you need to do as you’re told now.”

I stood there for a full ten seconds, are that everyone was staring at me expectantly. I didn’t have to follow their commands; I felt compelled to do it, but I didn’t have to. I closed my eyes and sighed, finally giving into their demands and walking upstairs of my own volition. I could feel their eyes following me as I ascended carpeted stairs and trudged down the hallway to the master bedroom. Once inside, I left the door open and stood just inside the entrance, hoping I could at least catch a fragment or two of the conversation, but I heard absolutely nothing. Of course I didn’t; me eavesdropping was probably something they’d planned for. I couldn’t hear a thing from up here. I resigned myself to sitting on the king size bed in the center of the room and staring off into space. Occasionally I came back to reality and looked around the room; it was a very simple space really, the walls were white, just as with the rest of the house, but it was lit with a low watt halogen bulb, giving off more of a warm glow than the harsh lighting found in several other areas of the house. There were few, decorations, and if their closet hadn’t been open I could have easily mistaken them for two women devoid of personalities.

Inside the closet I could see so many clothes, tons of them. Dresses, tops, skirts carefully and neatly hung on steel hangers. Back when I was a guy, a lifetime ago, this kind of closet would have turned me on. The memories of sneaking into my sister’s room and wearing her clothes whenever she was gone really came flooding back as I sat here. What would it have been like if I were a guy, right now, and I’d been sitting in this room with all of these clothes? Yeah, Angela would have probably set me to work cleaning her house intentionally, and probably for way more than eleven years. On the other side of the closet were my clothes; they hadn’t given me my own room yet, and when we did sleep, I was usually curled up in between them. A little weird? Probably if I were a guy, and a human, but with them I felt safe and protected.

“Jasmine.” I looked up, she was standing in the doorway, dressed in this flowy white tunic top, low cut, pink floral print. I’d remember it until the day I died, I think. I would remember this moment, and maybe the moments before it. The moments when everything was normal. “I need to talk to you.”

“You’re leaving, right?” I guessed. “You have to go find Eustace.”

“Yes,” She said, moving closer to me and taking a seat beside me on the bed, wrapping an arm around me. “Anabelle and I are leaving, but Meredith…she’s staying here, with you.”

My eyes widened in fear, I didn’t know if I could handle the idea of being stuck here with Meredith. I guess Angela noticed, she chuckled a little.

“It’s not as bad as you think, I promise. While we’re gone I want you to work with her, I want you to train. I want you to become so much better than you are. She’s going to be hard on you but I think it’ll be better for you in the long run.”

“Are…are you coming back?” I asked here sincerely.

“Yes sweetie,” She reassured me. “I’m coming back, and next time, maybe you can come with me.”

“I can?” I perked up a little.

“Let Meredith teach you, stop dropping your arrows, let her run you ragged, if she thinks it’ll help. Listen…Jasmine…a decade ago we dated for three months, I remember matching with you on that dating site…intentionally, I might add. I made a profile that I knew you would like—”

“What? How? How did you know what I’d like?” I raised an eyebrow. What was she even talking about?”

“Fae have…a lot of different jobs in the mortal realms dear, one of mine is to set events in motion, events that make a difference. You were meant to do something and-“

“You mean like a prophecy?” I asked, a little too excited, probably.

“Honey,” She laughed. “If it’s a prophecy, then everyone has a prophecy. Everyone is meant to do something, big or small, I was just here to help you along the way. Unfortunately…it didn’t work out well because I accidentally set you to work cleaning my house for a decade. I don’t think it was a big deal, I think everything is fine but…you were supposed to be out of commission for three months, which…you were. That’s why we had sex every night for three months. Don’t ask me what the reasoning was. The part that came after? Oops.”

“Oops?” I grinned. “I mean…that’s one way to put it.”

“Look,” She sighed. “You were…a different person back then. A really, really different person. I know you’re young, really young but I was so disgusted with you. I think it’s fair to say I hated you. You were so arrogant, you…treated me like an object, you demanded that I control you, I mean let’s face it, some of the things you asked me to do to you were downright disgusting.”

As she took pause in her words, I stopped to contemplate what she was saying. Was I really that bad? Had a really pissed her off that much? It was kind of hard for me to remember who I was back then; what kind of a person I was. Maybe I really was as bad as she way saying.

“I have to leave soon, but I want you to know how far you’ve come, and now I really understand who you are. You…have a beautiful female spirit, a feminine soul. You were trapped in the wrong body, for one reason or another, there’s no telling why the universe does the things it’s does, but one thing really is certain. Your desire for submissiveness, your inability to say no, it’s…really because you’re so young, because you’re a new soul. The whole thing was a recipe for disaster, Jasmine. I want you to know right now that there is nothing, absolutely NOTHING wrong with being submissive. I need you to understand that. Submissive people can be some of the most beautiful people, Jasmine. Your desire to serve others, your need to be loved, it all brings such a light into the world if you’re looking at it through the right lens but…Jasmine, you need to know when to be submissive, and you need to know when to be assertive. You need to know when to protect the people you love because one day we’re going to need you more than you need us. I hope it isn’t soon but...the tables always turn. That’s the way it is in the world of gods and demons.”

“I really don’t want to think about that,” I admitted. “I just…”

“We’ve taught you a lot of things love, we’ve taught you about our word, we’ve taught you how to fight, to an extent, but now we need to kick it into high gear. So on that note, I want you to think back, to the time before, about your family.”

“You ARE my family,” I said adamantly. “I don’t…want to think about them, please don’t make me remember them…”

“You had a sister,” Angela smiled at me, squeezing my hand.

“Uh, yeah, a little sister, named Meghan, she was twelve.”

“Eleven years is a long time love. You’re not the only one who had some run-ins with the supernatural. She had some experiences of her own, and right after we discovered you, cleaning in here like a maid, we went to find out what had happened to your family. It turns out…well…Meghan was very, very interested in what had happened to you. We’ve been keeping her updated.”

“Wait, what?” I demanded. “Why wouldn’t she have just come here? Why-“

“Because she’s busy, Jasmine,” Angela squeezed my hand again. “Just like you. But she’s coming here, while I’m gone, she wants to see you.”

“What happened to her?” I furrowed my brow. “Why is she interested in me? What does she know?”

“Soon enough, my lovely daughter,” Angela smiled and patted my knee as she stood up and offered me a hand. “I need to leave shortly, let’s go downstairs and see Anabelle.”

She led me out into the hallway, onto the landing and down the stairs where Anabelle and Meredith were waiting. For the first time I noticed that Anabelle was holding a cat, a typical black one, slender, and angry looking.

“Jasmine,” She smiled to me as we descended the stairs. “This is Mr. Giggles, I want you to keep him safe for me while your mother and I are gone, alright?”

As I approached she held the cat out toward me, I hesitantly reached out and took him into my arms like a bundle. He mewed as I held him to my chest.

“I…guess I can do that,” I said. “How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t know,” She admitted. “But Mr. Giggles here will keep you company!”

“And so will I,” Meredith told me. Her voice was confident but her face told a different story. What was actually going on?”

“Okay,” Angela wrapped her arms around me and gave me a quick peck on the forehead. “I have to get going.”

I watched as she moved on from me and embraced Meredith, giving her a much more romantic kiss.

“Keep in touch,” Meredith told her.

“Always,” Angela said as she and Anabelle walked out the door, leaving Meredith and I standing in the foyer.

“Come on,” Meredith said to me. “We have to get to work.”

“Pay attention,” Meredith tapped the old dusty book in front of me with her switch. She hadn’t used it on me lately but she really loved using it as an implement. “Without referring to the book, tell me the name of the Seelie court, in old Fae.”

“’Allo,” I responded, hoping I wasn’t messing it up.

“And the inner sanctum?”

“Alloquandirm,” I said a little uncertainty. The look on her face told me I was wrong.

“Alloquandirum,” She corrected me. “You’ve gotta get that ‘u’ in there.”

“Sorry,” I shrugged. “It’s a lot to learn and-“

“We’re just covering the basics,” She lectured me. “These are things that you NEED to know. The Seelie court is ruled by nineteen elected individuals, tell me who they are?”

“The Hish’Virt,” I said, starting to feel exhausted. We’d been over this a million times, maybe a million and one.

“Great, you’re paying attention,” She passed around the table, walking behind me. For the last month we’d done nothing but cover Fae history and politics, information I was sure I’d never even use. During this exercise she’d done away with the training bunkers and went for more of a library setting, the walls were lined with wooden bookshelves, all containing massive tomes, some accessible only by long ladders affixed to rolling tracks. The room was dead silent other than Meredith’s instruction; I couldn’t even hear air circulating. Meredith herself looked like a goddess, a picture of perfection, or maybe I’d just been in here way too long. Her shoulder length black hair was accented with a slight curl at the bottom, and she was dressed in a tight gray turtleneck. It was a serious deviation from her normal attire, she usually favored low cut tops, but today it was a turtleneck and jeans. I couldn’t tell you if she was really this attractive or if I was just losing my mind.

“Tell me what stops the Hish’Virt from killing each other over minor disagreements,” She instructed. “And stop ogling me, you’re like twelve.”

I blushed a bit and looked down.

“The answer, please,” She instructed again, pacing back and forth in front of the table.

“Because they’re not Unseelie, right Mr. Giggles?” I turned and looked to the cat that Anabelle had left behind for me. Mr. Giggles mewed and I scratched behind his ears.

“Funny,” She shook her head. “The Ritual of the Weeping Sage – they all undergo it, blood magic that means killing one is to kill yourself.”

“When is mom coming back?”

“I talked to her last month, she’s doing fine. She’ll be back as soon as she can.”

“Why doesn’t she talk to me when she calls?”

“Close the book,” Meredith tapped the table. “We’re taking a break.”

I sighed with relief; we’d been training hard. A lot of the time had been spent in this library, even more of it in Meredith’s training room learning to shoot, run, fight hand to hand, and she’d even shown me how to use her favored weapon: the dagger. I trained, Mr. Giggles watched, that’s just the way it had been, and I still had no idea how long mom had been gone. I felt pretty good about myself, but I didn’t know how well I’d do in an actual fight. I stood up from the table and straightened my skirt out, then waited for Meredith to make a move, which she did. I scooped Mr. Giggles up in my arms and we walked toward the massive mirror at the back of the library and she took us home. We materialized in the living room just in time to hear a knock at the door.

“Wonder who that could be,” Meredith said in a really upbeat tone of voice. I wandered off toward the kitchen. In another life I would have found the contents of our refrigerator to be nothing short of disturbing. Lemon juice, apple juice, orange juice, lettuce, various fruits and vegetables, hummus, and not a single bit of meat in sight. I thought I would have missed meat more but I hadn’t even asked Meredith or Angela why we didn’t eat it. They had simply told me we were vegetarians and I took at it at face value. I mean, what was there to ask? The cravings for lemon juice were unreal though.

“Jasmine could you come here for a minute?” Meredith called out from the living room. I glanced at Mr. Giggles, sitting patiently on the kitchen island.

“I guess the lemon juice will have to wait,” I smiled to Mr. Giggles, rubbing him from head to tail as I made my way around the island and sort of skipped across the threshold, into the living room. As soon as I passed through, my jaw dropped. I was starting at a face I never thought I’d see again: my sister, Meghan. She looked older now, much older than me, her physical age was probably about the seventeen, her complexion extremely pale, and her brown hair pulled back into a pony tail. This was a weird moment for me; she’d always been younger and she’d always looked up to me. Now the tables seemed to be turned.

“You must be Jasmine,” Meghan smiled as she crossed the living room and embraced me. “I missed you so much little sister.”

“What happened after I left?” I started asking her questions a million miles a minute. “Were mom and dad worried? What happened to them? What happened to you?”

“Shh,” She put a hand in the air, silencing me. “Over to the couch, we’re not going to do this standing in the middle of the living room.”

I kind of stood there in stunned silence at the moment, so Meredith literally pushed me over toward the couch until I sat down. I heard Meghan chuckle a little at how disoriented I was.

“Is she always like this?” Meghan laughed.

“Unfortunately,” Meredith shook her head as Meghan sat down beside me.

“So, a Fae,” Meghan grinned at me. “You climbed the social ladder awful fast. Angela told me it wasn’t intentional though…”

“Yeah,” I said, pursing my lips a bit. “It was um…it was a thing.”

“I heard all about it,” She nodded. “It was kind of rough but you did have a thing for being dominated, and she didn’t do it on purpose. You asked like every girl you met to do it for you so…”

“I didn’t ask EVERY girl,” I protested. “There were some-“

“You asked me,” She rolled her eyes. “Case closed.”

“Wow that’s awkward,” Meredith interjected as I dropped my head and stared at the floor in shame; I felt the redness spread across my face.

“After you left, mom and dad filed a missing person’s report but you were eighteen so there wasn’t really an extensive search. I kind of…didn’t do well. I missed you, a lot. Didn’t know you were right down the road. I went into this really rebellious stage, I started dating all kinds of guys, mom and dad hated it. Put in therapy, hah, as if that would work. When I was seventeen I met this guy that they REALLY didn’t like, and um, well, it turns out he was a little different.”

“Different how?” I said jokingly. “Did he drive a moped?”

“They thought he was a little too wild…which is weird because he always had perfect manners. So um, here’s the thing. You’ve probably noticed there’s something a little bit different about me, and it’s uh…okay, when you look at me, what do you see?”

I stared at her for a good minute, other than the pale complexion and her being a little older, I couldn’t really see much of a difference.

“I don’t know…” I said, trailing off and shaking my head.

“We covered this,” Meredith interrupted. “The book of Magnus Rho, page 767. Look at her. Pale complexion, deep blue eyes, red lips. Come on Jasmine, you can do this.”

I frowned and stared at her. No, it couldn’t be.

“V…vampire?” I felt like a fool for saying it out loud.

“Yes, little sister, vampire,” She confirmed. “My boyfriend, at the time, turned me. He didn’t want to do it, I begged him to turn me just to get me away from mom and dad, so he did. And so here we are. You live forever, and now so do I.”

“I don’t understand…” I said, frowning. “You…I…how?”

“Sis,” She said, taking both of my hands. “The supernatural world is huge, it’s more likely for a mortal to become entangled with it than it is for them to spend their entire lives in the dark. But enough about me, look at you, a Fae! That is…so amazing, I can’t even put it into words. My kind looks up to your kind, you’re like gods, you understand that, right? And you know what? You’re gorgeous, you look SO happy as a girl. God I can’t wait to take you shopping and do your makeup.”

“Someone has to,” Meredith snorted. “With Angela gone she’s been an absolute wreck.”

“So, do you…eat people?” I asked what was probably the weirdest question that I could come up with, but just as she was about to answer, we were interrupted by a bang, a huge bang right at the front door. The three of us turned and stared, mouths agape as the front door tore from its hinges and clattered across the tile foyer. Through the open door, a huge beast of a man stepped through with glowing yellow eyes and a sword large enough to match his size. There was a moment of silence before Meredith finally spoke.

“RUN!”

Meghan grabbed the collar of my dress and literally lifted me from the couch, dragging me across the living room and down the hall like a rag doll. Just as we reached the entrance to the hall, the house shook, an impact that rippled through the floor, knocking Meghan off of her feet and sending me sprawling back toward the couch. My head hurt. I could see a pool of red seeping onto the tile around me. It would heal, but god damn it hurt. Through my blurred vision I saw Meredith standing there, confronting the giant, but she looked different, so very different. Her skin was a deep blue, surrounded in neon green swirls of energy that shot across it like veins. Her eyes glowed green, and from her back, a pair what I could only describe as butterfly wings, flapping rapidly and keeping her suspended a foot off the ground. In her hands, a pair of short blades flashed, reflecting the glow of the spotlights high up in our vaulted ceiling.

“The girl is under the Contract of Eaves,” Meredith’s voice, oscillated and distorted echoed through the house, it shook my bones. The giant responded by swinging his massive sword in her direction, the blade whooshing, as if it were tearing the very air it came into contact with. Meredith shot backward, catching the sword between her two blades and landing a kick between the Giant’s ribs, sending him skidding backward into the stairs. I cringed as the bannister splintered and his mass crushed the wall beyond.

“Come on!” Meghan grabbed my arm and peeled me off of the tile, I cried out as the pain in my head surged. Meredith shot across the room, her feet never touching the ground and buried her dagger into the giant’s shoulder, it screamed, a bellow that was on par with a train whistle, I clapped my hands over my ears as Meghan turned me away and rushed me down the hall. She was fast, she was really, really fast. My stomach lurched as she shot from the front of the hall all the way to the back, taking a left turn as if she were an Indy car driver. I heard Meredith scream, and then the giant screamed. I heard another crash. I felt the house shake. Meghan slipped and slid across the tile floor, dropping me once again and landing us in the second hallway, nearest the outside of the house.

I could hear it coming after us, crushing the hallway walls that we’d just run through. I could hear the singing of Meredith’s blades, I could sense my sister’s fear. What was going on? Why was this happening to us?

“Meghan!” I said drowsily. “I need my bow…I need…”

“No, we have to get out of here!” She said insistently. “Where is it?”

“Living room,” I said. “It’s on…it’s on the other couch.”

“You keep your most important weapon on the living room couch?” She demanded as she took a turn at the end of the hallway, darting past what was once the front door and back toward the living room. Behind us, a flash of green light surged. I looked back just in time to see the giant reappear, a blast of green fire splashing against his back. He turned to face Meredith who screeched and lunged at him once again, her daggers slashing at the speed of light.

“Put me down!” I shouted as we reached the living room. As soon as my feet were on the floor I snatched the bow and quiver from the couch. “Get Mr. Giggles, he’s over there!”

I sped past her, notching a bow onto the string and flinging myself around the corner, just in time to loose an arrow at the giant. It struck him in the arm, he howled and turned his full attention toward me.

“Jasmine don’t!” Meredith screamed from behind him as she raced behind him and lunged again. “Get back! Get out of the house!”

“Come on!” I shouted. “We need to get to the mirror! Let’s get out of here!”

“Jasmine,” Meghan said, much more calmly than she should have. “I can’t use the mirror.”

“What?!” I exclaimed as I turned toward her.

“I’m a vampire,” She said. “I can’t use the mirror.”

I cursed and fired another arrow, this time hitting the giant in the leg. It didn’t even slow down. My eyes widening, I lowered the bow and ran back toward the living room.

“The front door Jasmine!” Meredith screamed. “Get out of the house!”

“I’m not going without you!” I shouted back as I took cover behind the couch. The giant swung its sword again, this time tearing through one of the beams that supported the ‘sitting room’, which was another open space that Angela and Meredith would have used to host parties, if they’d had any friends they wanted to invite over. As the beam broke, the ceiling began to sag and a barrage of splinters exploded outward toward the living room. I ducked as they impacted with the couch and clattered against the wall beside me. The giant howled again as Meredith tried to get in front of it, between me and him.

“Get…out…of…the…house!” She shrieked. “I can handle myself!”

“I can’t leave without you!” I sobbed. “Let me help you!”

From the corner of my eye I saw Megan rushing toward me, this time scooping me up under one arm. I couldn’t move, I was completely pinned.

“Get her out!” Meredith ordered. As she screamed, distracted for one second, the giant’s sword slammed against her flesh, cutting her from shoulder to naval. She howled as green blood exploded from the open wound. I think I was screaming. I don’t know, I remembered trying to claw my way out of Meghan’s grasp, I remembered pounding against her arm. I remembered the tears and rage flooding my vision. My hair matted and wrapped around my head. Meredith lunged again, this time digging her twin daggers into the giant’s neck and jerking outward, tearing through it’s throat and shrieking as a torrent of blood splattered against her face. The giant fell. It slammed against the floor, collapsing into a pile of flesh and blood. Meghan had stopped short, setting me on the ground momentarily. I saw Meredith trying to regain her composure, but the blood was spewing from her chest, trickling down her leg and pooling on the floor at her feet. I watched in horror as her wings ceased to beat and she collapsed onto the floor, using her hand to support her weight. Breathing heavily, she looked up at me, the silence between us spoke volumes.

“Meredith?” I whimpered. “Meredith?”

“It’s okay, Jasmine,” She said, trying to force a smile. “Go into town, there’s a….there’s a pub, called Howell’s. I want you…you go in there, and you tell the owner, Mr. Craven that you’re the daughter of Angeline. Tell him what happened.”

“Meredith?!” I rushed toward her, my arms outstretched, but it was too late. With a brief, less than spectacular flash, her body ignited and turned to ash. All that was left of her, Meredith, the beautiful woman who had protected me for so long, crumbled onto the floor. I screamed, at least I think I screamed. My mouth opened, I made the effort, but the sound didn’t reach my ears. I threw myself onto the floor, tearing through the ashes as my tears flowed, intermixing with them. This couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be happening. She wasn’t dead. She hadn’t just died for me. No, no no, this wasn’t real. This wasn’t fucking real. Meghan’s fingers were wrapping around my arms, yanking me from the floor as I curled my fists and shook them at non-existent enemies.

“There are more coming,” She warned me. “Come on!”

I was numb as she took me to the mirror, I was despondent as she slung the bow over my back and shoved Mr. Giggles into my arms.

“I love you, little sister,” She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before she threw me at the mirror.

My vision swam and my emotions raged as I was flung from the mirror and my body slammed against an old wooden floor, glass and debris bouncing, dust scattering after years of dormancy. I gasped for air and reached my hand upward toward the massive full-length framed mirror from which I had just been ejected. I scampered to my feet, rushed back toward the mirror, barely managing to keep myself standing. My arm outstretched I ran to it, slamming my hand against the glass. It shattered. The shards fell from the frame and turned to dust as they collided with the floor. Meredith had told me once that mirrors have a finite lifespan. Used too much, they grow thin and easily break. How many times had this mirror been used? Meredith was dead.

Meredith was dead.

Meredith.

I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, but I could still hear her words echoing from our training. Don’t scream, she had told me. Don’t let anyone know where you are, no matter how bad it hurts. No matter what you’ve lost, it’s nothing compared to what you still have to lose. Don’t scream. Don’t scream.

Slowly turning around I surveyed the room I was in; it was an attic, and old attic, the beams were solid, but aged. In front of me, at the other end I could see an octagonal window, broken, moonlight rays spreading softly across the floor and glinting softly off of the broken glass. I stepped forward, my flats crunching against the glass, the floorboards announcing my presence with a creak; the death rattle of a house long abandoned by the ages. Beside me I heard the sound of paws against the floor. I glanced down, Mr. Giggles was standing beside me, quietly. I immediately scooped him up into my arms. He was here, the last remnant of my broken former life, all smashed to pieces mere minutes ago by an intruder wielding a supernatural strength. No, no that wasn’t all. I looked down to the floor again, my bow. The bow Angela had won for me. It lay there along side its quiver.

“Don’t drop that bow,” Meredith had told me. “Don’t you dare drop that bow, keep it in your hand.”

Keep it in my hand. Keep it in my hand. Mr. Giggles climbed from my arm and onto my shoulder as I bent down and took the bow and quiver into my hand, slinging it onto my back.

“We’re alive, Mr. Giggles,” I said, trying my best to sound confident as I walked to the door, exiting the attic. “As long as we’re alive we’re hope. It’s what mommy always told me.”

Mr. Giggles mewed in response. I petted his head as I creaked down the stairs, emerging into the foyer of a destroyed home. The floor had been torn up in many places, pictures that once hung on the wall were broken in half and laying on the decaying wood planks.

“We have to find a mirror, Mr. Giggles,” I said quietly, still choking back tears. Had I really seen Meredith die? Was she dead for real? She hadn’t been in her human form, she’d taken the form of a Fae. Her true form. If she’d died in her true form, she was really dead. Her soul reset, all of her memories gone. Meredith gone. For me. Why for me? Why was I so special? I wasn’t special. She’d died for nothing.

“I don’t suppose you know where we could find a mirror, Mr. Giggles?” I asked him. He immediately jumped from my shoulder, the pads of his paws thudding against the floor as he moved silently through the foyer and looked from left to right. I followed him quietly, taking a right turn into what must have once been a living room. A rotting, overturned couch lay in the center of the room, an endtable with a broken leg. A huge stone fireplace, inert for decades. I ran my fingers across the cold stone as I made my way through the space, careful where I put my feet. This place, though dead, had once been alive. People, families had once inhabited this space. I could almost hear their laughter through the ages as they sat around a warm fire, not knowing that one day their lives, as they knew it would come to an end. Their family, like the one I had found, the one that I had longed for all my life, had been terminated, and here I was on my own. How strange was that? You spend your entire life in the shadow of someone else. Someone who teaches you, who guides you, you are them, and they are you, and one day, just like that, you’re on your own.

Mr. Giggles mewed again, I turned to him and found what I was looking for, a mirror overturned, facedown on the floor. I stepped forward and lifted it up, laying it against the wall and blowing years of dust from its surface.

“Where are we going, Mr. Giggles?” I asked, as if he could answer me. “Meredith, she said there was a pub called Howell’s downtown. I don’t know a Howell’s. I was never old enough to drink back then. I guess I may never be old enough. Well, if it’s a pub, then it’s probably in Depot Town, the historic district. So we could start by going there but…”

Mr. Giggles mewed and scratched the floor. He was right, where would I find a mirror in Depot Town? Meredith had shown me how to use the mirrors, she’d shown me that all you had to do was imagine the place you wanted to go, but it only worked over short distances. You had to know where you wanted to go, and I was having trouble remembering where a mirror would – oh yes, that was right.

“There’s this place,” I said to Mr. Giggles. “It’s called um…’Go Ice Cream’. It’s super close to Depot Town and they have a mirror in their dining room. I can…we can go there. Come on, Mr. Giggles.”

Mr. Giggles obediently hopped up onto my shoulder and I placed my hand against the mirror. I concentrated, trying to remember the layout of the dining room at Go Ice Cream. Right, it was a rectangular room, plate glass windows at the front overlooking a street. Picnic tables inside, and…a mirror, near the front of the room. I closed my eyes and allowed the mirror to take over. Just like always, the room changed around me and when I opened my eyes I was standing in the dining room. It was still open, fluorescent lights shone brightly above, and just as I remembered, the dining room was empty. I pressed forward, one foot in front of the other against a thinly carpeted floor. Yeah, it was time to get out of here, Depot Town was a few streets over and I could –

“Hello!” A voice said. I turned rapidly and saw a girl standing in the doorway to the dining room dressed in a pair of black pants and a white button-up top. The standard uniform of Go Ice Cream. Was it a girl? I squinted harder, the face had masculine features but the hair was…it was a trans woman. A trans woman like me, but human. She hadn’t had the same opportunities I’d been given but she looked good, very, very convincing. I smiled. “Are you okay? You look a little beat up.”

I smiled and nodded. “I’m okay!”

“Mmm I don’t think so,” She said, stepping closer to me and examining my face. “You look like you got hit by a truck.”

I knew that any bruises would fade within the hour, she would probably find that a little weird.

“I’m okay,” I reassured her. “Hey, do you know a place called Howell’s? It’s supposed to be around here?”

“Aren’t you a little young to be going to pubs?” The girl raised an eyebrow. I would have smirked, probably, if I’d been in a joking mood.

“I’m looking for someone,” I explained. “I need…I have to find them, like now.”

“Why is there a bow on your back?” She frowned. “And you have a cat.”

“It’s uh…a cosplay,” I stuttered. “My…friend is taking me to a convention.”

“Are the bruises part of the cosplay?” She asked, stepping forward a bit to take a look at my face.

“Maybe,” I said, smiling a bit. “My name is Jasmine, what’s yours?”

“Jasmine? That’s a really pretty name. My name is Ashleigh.”

“Nice to meet you, Ashleigh,” I said. “So do you know where-“

“You know what you need?” She said, grinning again. “You need ice cream.”

“I don’t know if I have time-“ I started to protest, only to have her interrupt me.

“Come on honey,” She laughed. “You look terrible, and everyone loves ice cream.”

“I guess you’re right,” I relented. “I do like ice cream.”

I hadn’t had ice cream in years. Meredith was dead. I was eating ice cream. Meredith was dead and I was eating ice cream.

“Stay right there, please,” She told me. “I’m going to go get you some ice cream.”

“Okay,” I nodded. As she left the room I sat down on one of the benches. Mr. Giggles looked up at me expectantly. “I don’t know what we’re doing here, Mr. Giggles.”

Sitting down was a bad idea, I had too much time to think. Too much time to think about the past, how much I missed mom, how much I missed Meredith. I recalled that first day, more than a decade ago so perfectly. How I’d begged her to dominate me. How I’d known it was wrong, but I pressed on anyway. If I hadn’t pressed on would she have still done it to me? I don’t know. All I knew though, was that in the entirety of those eleven years spent cleaning, scrubbing, and dusting, I never once hated her. Not once. Ashleigh came back with the ice cream, a single cone. I forced a smile as she handed it to me. I stood.

“I should really take this to go,” I explained. “Thank you so much, I…I think I needed it.”

“Of course sweetie,” She said to me. “Hey, if you need anything, come back here, okay?”

“I will,” I nodded. I felt her eyes on me as I walked from the dining room and toward the street, Mr. Giggles following close behind. A rush of warm air cleansed me as I crossed the threshold and pressed on to the sidewalk. The occasional rush of a passing car, the kaleidoscope of streetlights overhead, all punctuated by the diverse crowds of people crossing the streets, making their way down the sidewalks, or stopping to admire store displays. How long had it been since I’d been on the streets of Ypsilanti? Too long. It hadn’t changed much in eleven years, but it never did, and that was the beauty of it. I smiled a bit as I took Mr. Giggles into my arms and rushed across the street, darting into an alleyway. A few hundred yards and I’d be in depot town. From there, finding this pub would be easy.

As I pressed on through the alley I began to feel incredibly uneasy. I licked the ice cream cone and then looked ahead. On either side of me, a sleek brick wall, one sporting a deeply inset window, framed with a peeling green windowsill. Beneath my feet gravel crunched and I was acutely aware of the street behind me, disappearing with every single step. I needed to get out of here, I could just walk on the sidewalk without taking this stupid shortcut. I turned to leave and gasped as a shape stepped out in front of me. A man in a dark overcoat. I began to scream, but I was instantly muffled as a hood was shoved unceremoniously over my head and my hands were restrained behind my back.

“No, no, no!” I screamed, but my cries fell on deaf ears as I was forced further down the alley. I began to kick as one of them tried to push me, and then, all of a sudden, I felt a strike against the back of my head, just before I lost control of my senses and fell into a downward spiral, losing my grip on consciousness and succumbing to my fate, whatever it would be.

“Hello?” I called out, swiveling my head in the darkness. The hood pressed against my face, my breaths were labored. “Where am I?”

I tried to stand but my hands and arms were secured to the back of the chair I was sat in by some kind of straps, or cuffs. In all honesty, I wanted to die. Meredith was dead, Meghan was dead for all I knew, and I had no idea where mom was. I was alone, so alone. The hole in my heart was growing every second, the weight in my chest dragging the rest of my body downward. I didn’t know that I could experience a sadness like this. It was debilitating, it was draining, it was hemorrhaging the very life from what remained of my tattered soul. All at once the hood was yanked from my head and a dull yellow light assailed my senses. A strand of my black hair caught in my eyelid as I squinted, trying to see who was in the room with me.

“And just what the fuck is this?” Broderick’s voice, I would recognize it anywhere, even having only met him the one time. He was standing in front of me. Behind him, a tall blonde woman with a slender build, thin lips, and a pale complexion, though not nearly as pale as Meghan’s. Her hair was wavy. “This is exactly why your mother put you under contract, so you wouldn’t go wandering off and putting yourself and everyone else in danger. Now what do you have to say for yourself?”

“Fuck you!” I literally leaned forward as far as I could, spitting on the ground in front of Broderick’s boots. “FUCK YOU!”

“Oh that was a mistake,” Broderick stepped forward and reared his hand back, striking me across the face. The chair must have been bolted to the ground; it didn’t move, but I did. I felt the pain on my cheek, it was like I’d been struck with a car. I didn’t care. “Now do you want to try again?”

“Why don’t you go stuck your thumb up your ass and spin like a top,” I growled at him, an expression of pure hatred of my face. I wanted him to hit me. I wanted him to kill me. I wanted to be dead, right now. “Go ahead and hit a child, you fucking coward!”

“Oh believe me, I will,” Broderick reassured me. “Just as soon as I get Meredith on the phone so she can come down here and collect you. Going to have her put a shorter leash on you. Mellie, be a dear and phone Meredith.”

Behind him, I saw the tall blonde woman take a phone from her pocket and begin to place a call. If only it would go through.

“Kill me,” I hissed at Broderick. He turned and looked at me, a frown on his face. “Just kill me you coward. If you can hit a kid you can kill her, now just KILL me!”

“The call isn’t going through,” Mellie informed him. Broderick turned from me and looked back at her.

“Try again,” He insisted, looking back to me, then to her again. A moment later she shook her head and put the phone down.

“Kill me,” I said again, although this time it was more of a plea. “Just do it, Broderick, do something. You have to know how, KILL ME!”

“I think we need to untie her,” Mellie said, her voice was a mixture of confusion and worry.

“If you take a swing at me, I’ll knock you across the room,” Broderick warned me as he walked behind the chair and unbuckled the straps that had been holding my arms in place. As soon as my arms were free I rose from the chair, turned, and charged him. I thought for sure he was going to hit me, I wanted him to. I wanted him to hit me hard enough to knock me out just so I wouldn’t have to feel all the things that I was feeling. He didn’t hit me, instead, Mellie grabbed my arms from behind and pulled me across the room toward a metal desk that was sat at the front corner, beside the door. For the first time I noticed that the room was a sort of office. Mellie set me down on the desk and pushed me over, easily until my head was resting on the wooden surface and my legs were curled up beneath me. She pinned my arms into place in front of me and used the rest of her body weight to press me against the desk.

“Stop,” She said softly, but firmly, her eyes fixed on mine. “I know Meredith has been training you, I know she taught you better than this. Speak your words, what’s happened?”

At the mention of Meredith’s name I burst into tears. I turned my head and tried to bury my face in the surface of the desk; my eyes closed, my lips quivering.

“I’m going to tell Craven to get people out to Angeline’s house,” Broderick said finally, walking toward the door. Before he could leave, it opened, and another unfamiliar voice spoke.

“Broderick,” A male voice said. “There’s a vampire girl here, she says she’s here to see the girl, your prisoner.”

“Vampire girl? The sister?” Broderick growled. “Sister or not I don’t want a vampire in this establishment and NOT down here.”

“Broderick for the love of god,” Mellie said. “She can probably clear this up, whatever it is.”

“Gods,” Broderick groaned. “Send her down. Check her for weapons first.”

“Surely you can handle one little girl,” Mellie mocked.

“We didn’t fight a two-thousand-year war with them just to let our guard down. Two thousand years on EARTH mind you.”

I heard footsteps outside the door, shuffling, and then, from the corner of my eye I saw Meghan burst into the room.

“Where is she?” Meghan demanded. “What have you done with her?”

“Meghan?” I said weakly, sniffling a little. Mellie removed her hands from me as Meghan took her place at my side.

“My god, are you okay?” She asked, looking over my body as if she were trying to find bruises. I guess she forgot that Fae heal super fast. My body wasn’t broken, just me.

“What happened?” Broderick said loudly. “Someone had better start talking!”

“Meredith is dead,” Meghan said, turning around to face Broderick. “The house was attacked by a Zuh’Gath.”

“A drone?” Broderick’s face turned pale and he began to regard me very differently. “And Meredith? You know how Fae souls work, she’ll be fine.”

“Meredith was not in her human form when she was struck down,” Meghan said it slowly, making sure that Broderick soaked up every single word. I watched his expression change from one of annoyed apathy to one of horror.

“No,” He said, shaking his head, looking to me. I saw Mellie place a hand against her mouth, her eyes wide. “No, that can’t be. She wouldn’t-“

“She was protecting Jasmine. She had to do it. You know she had to do it,” Meghan told him. Protect me from what? What was going on.

“Do you have ANY idea what she did for you?” Broderick demanded, pointing a finger at me in anger. “Do you have ANY clue what kind of sacrifice was made today?”

“She knows,” Megan insisted. “She knows very well.”

“Word from Angeline,” Mellie said, indicating her phone. “Earlier she said they came for her. The Seelie court is after her on a trumped up charge from her escapades in the late 1800’s.”

“Ah yes, the Godhead incident,” Broderick rolled his eyes as Meghan pulled me into a sitting position on the desk. “Young lady, your mother was a problem, to say the least.”

“Wait,” Meghan said, sounding confused. “Wasn’t Angeline ascended in 1958? During the space race?”

“She was indeed,” Broderick nodded. “Funny story that. Your mother is particularly good at soul transformations, so good in fact that she managed to transform her own soul in late 1700’s. We didn’t catch her until far later. Essentially, she ascended to godhood and created the largest criminal underworld the city has ever seen. Not her fault really, she didn’t know what she was, but we found her, put a stop to it, returned her soul to its former condition, she lived two more lives before ascending, the right way.”

“Jesus,” Meghan muttered.

“Imaginary friends have nothing to do with it,” Broderick said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Angeline is an extraordinary woman.”

Broderick suddenly paused his speech and walked to the other side of the room. He returned, holding my bow in his hand. He pushed it toward me, I took it in my hands and stared at it, still whimpering. I couldn’t stop.

“Weapons have names, little girl,” He told me. “You’re not alone, but you are out here, in the world now. No one is going to coddle you. Those days are over. You give that bow a name, you make it a part of you. Stand ready and be prepared to defend your life, and the lives of those around you.”

“I…don’t…know if I can,” I said quietly between sobs.

“Cut that out!” Broderick ordered. “You are a Fae, be the Fae your mother would have wanted you to be, and don’t let the death of Meredith be in vain. Tell me, what is the name of your bow?”

The tears stopped, at least for the moment. Meredith was gone, but my sister was here, mom was out there somewhere. The fight had to continue, and now I was very much a part of it.

“Meredith,” I said, standing from the desk, planting my feet firmly on the floor. “The bow’s name is Meredith.”

“Everyone here has something to lose,” Broderick paced back and forth. We were sitting the basement office, just below Howell’s pub, as I’d come to learn. There were seven of us here. Broderick, Mellie, my sister, and a few other people I hadn’t met yet. I was sitting on the desk, Meghan beside me, her hand in mine. “Everyone here, in this room, save for the vampire, is a member of house Greystem-“

“Wait, what?” I interrupted. “Greystem?”

“Had Meredith taught you nothing?” A short man on the other side of the room demanded. “Vampires have clans, the wolves have their packs, Fae have houses. Basic shit, little girl.”

“Your mother is a member of House Graystem, and by extension, so are you,” Broderick stared directly at me. “She brought you into this house, you’re a part of this house, end of. Your mother never told you that you were a Graystem?”

“I…guess it never came up,” I was so confused.

“Whatever,” The short man said. “We should all introduce ourselves then. My name is Ralthor, they call me Ralph here. You already know Mellie and Broderick. Over here you have Craven, and of course Celina.”

“Don’t forget me,” Another girl about my age spoke up. “My name is Rhea.”

“Ah yes, Rhea,” Ralph chuckled as if he had forgotten. Rhea shot him a nasty glare.

“Wonderful,” Broderick snapped. “Now that we all know eachother, let’s get down to business here. You, Jasmine, believe it or not, this entire thing revolves around you.”

“I think she’d believe that at this point,” My sister spoke up. Broderick glanced at her, the look on his face told me he was angry that she had even dared to speak.

“This whole thing is a cosmic joke,” Ralph growled, shaking his head.

“Agreed,” Mellie nodded, stepping forward to stand beside Broderick. “Jasmine, it’s time you were clued on what’s going on, with you, specifically.”

“I don’t care,” I replied, looking down at the floor. I could feel Meghan turning her head to look at me, I didn’t meet her gaze.

“Now you listen to me,” Broderick snapped, stepping closer to me, glaring down. I could practically feel his breath on my neck. “You’re alive. Your mother is alive. Your…sister…is alive. All of us, we’re still alive. There will be time to mourn the dead later. For right now, you need to fight for the living, and if you keep moping around I’m going to beat you from one side of this room to the other, are we clear?”

“We’re clear,” I said, my voice completely emotionless as I looked up at him. He stared at me for a moment more with a hard expression on his face before turning and rejoining Mellie at the center of the room.

“Allow me to continue,” Mellie said. “We learned three years ago that Eustace was sent on an assignment by the Seelie court adjunct, and during that assignment, he discovered information that could indicate a plot hatched by the highest levels of the court, that plot involves you, Jasmine. You see, you have a neutral soul, as you’ve been told many times, and we’ve tried to keep it under wraps. That’s why you’ve been sequestered at Angela’s house for nearly five years. Well, sixteen really, but we don’t really count the first eleven. Somehow, someone found out who you were, and what you were. Eustace was trying to investigate, he went missing. The Seelie court adjunct sent your mother to investigate his disappearance, though we know the orders were handed down by a member of the Seelie court proper. We feel she walked into a trap. We also feel that whoever gave the order had expected Meredith to go with her, which would have perhaps left you alone in the house. It didn’t work out, and it took three years for them to come up with a proper assault plan. Whoever did it figured out how to make it through the wards we put on the house, the energy barriers, and all of the other precautions we put in place, you understand.”

“Here’s what we do know,” Broderick cut in. “If the entire Seelie court knew what you were, then it wouldn’t have been a drone attacking the house, it would have been officers of the court showing up to take you into custody. That means perhaps only one of the nineteen in the Hish'Virt is aware. That’s good, to a point, it keeps you out of a cell. The bad news, is that it means someone on the council would like to break the Ritual of the Weeping Sage.”

“The Ritual of the Weeping Sage,” Mellie broke in. “Is the blood rite taken by each member of the Hish'Virt. It ensures that one member cannot kill the other without sacrificing their own life. This cannot be undone, but if they managed to get their hands on a neutral soul, and merged that soul with their own, they could theoretically override the blood rite and slaughter the entire council, which has plenty of consequences. We don’t have time to go into all of it, but suffice to say, we don’t want that.”

“The entire balance could be disrupted, absolutely anarchy,” Broderick added. “Imagine if vampires were no longer under the rule of Fae law and were able to hunt freely again? What if the wolf clans no longer cared who they were infecting? The bloodshed would be insurmountable. The world would become a warzone, at least until order was restored, but would it be? It’s too unpredictable. The Hish'Virt must live, and most importantly, you must live, at the behest of your mother.”

“So,” I said, shifting my weight on the table a bit. “We just kill the… Hish'Virt person. Whoever killed Meredith, I want them to die.”

Broderick chuckled a bit, the others in the room did the same, except for Meghan who stared intently at me.

“Girl,” Broderick shook his head. “It took a top member of the Hish'Virt three years to break through the wards that were placed on your mother’s house, can you imagine what they must have guarding the Alloquandirum? No, we bide our time, and most importantly, we get your mother out of Eaves where she’s been holed up.”

“Then I want to go to Eaves,” I said quickly. “I’m ready to go now. Where is it? Another planet?”

“No, Jasmine,” Mellie said. “It’s outside of the Antarctic ice wall, the Earth you know is much larger in reality. An ice barrier surrounds the eastern and western continents, magic makes it appear to be a complete sphere, and outside…countless lands, including the city of Eaves.”

“Before you ask,” Broderick broke in. “No, the world is NOT flat.”

“Then we should go,” I stood up and gripped my bow. “I’m ready to go, now.”

“Sit down, Jasmine,” Mellie instructed. “You’re going nowhere. We can’t risk taking you across the barrier, you could be seen. Oh, and, you need to stop using the mirrors.”

“Yes,” Broderick nodded. “That’s precisely how we found you. Whenever Meredith took you through a mirror, she placed her hand on yours to distort the signal, but when you went through on your own, you lit it up like a Christmas tree. We took an image of the network from earlier, you were there, clear as day, going to that abandoned house, and then to that ice cream shop. From now on, if you need to go somewhere, you walk.”

“We’ve taken measures to make it seem as if you fled Ypsilanti,” Mellie informed me. “Your enemies…the enemies of Greystem, are searching elsewhere. For now, you stay here. We’ll protect Angela’s legacy and the honor of the house, we’re sworn to it.”

“And what the hell am I supposed to do here?” I demanded. “My mother is out there, waiting for me. I need to find her.”

“Your mother would want you to sit still,” Broderick said sternly. “If you need something to do, why not read a book? We have a few in the other room.”

“Absolutely,” Mellie said. “We have the entire ‘Woodcrest’ collection, AND the sequel series.”

“ Okay, first of all,” I growled. “Woodcrest is a terrible series. The only thing that would be worse, is if someone wrote what amounted to a shit post of a story about bondage, posted it online, got drunk, and then somehow extrapolated it into a high fantasy series as a means of dealing with their depression over being unable to beat their body dysphoria and for some reason thrived on the comments like they were snorting cocaine, but in the form of validation. Secondly-“

“That was really specific,” Mellie commented.

“Secondly, I can’t just sit here and do nothing. Do I just sit in this basement?”

“If you want something to do, go to school,” Rhea said, stepping forward.

“Sorry, what? Go to school?”

“There’s a great middle school here, I go to socialize and interact with the community. You can too. You’re going to be stuck in Ypsilanti for a while, you might as well made the best of it.”

“I am NOT going to school,” I protested. “I already graduated high school, I can’t do that again.”

“Actually, I think you’re going to,” Mellie smirked. “Saves us the trouble of keeping tabs on you. Rhea can do a fine job of that.”

“I’ve got nothing else going on,” Rhea shrugged.

“Then it’s settled,” Broderick said. “Welcome back to the real world.”

“Welcome to your new home,” Rhea stepped into the house, backward, her arms dramatically outstretched. “It’s not as big as Angela’s house, but it’s home.”

“We…live here alone? Just us?” I looked around, noting that the place WAS much smaller. It was a single story house with aging wood floors, faded walls, and furniture that looked like it came from a thrift store.

“I live here too,” Mellie said, walking into the house and passing by me and tossing her purse on the couch.

“You’re never even here,” Rhea rolled her eyes, walking into the kitchen which wasn’t even close to an open concept. The house felt so claustrophobic compared to Angela’s; I shuddered inwardly. “You show up for parent-teacher conferences and then you disappear for months at a time.”

“I have things to do,” Mellie shrugged.

“So…we’re here…by ourselves?” I asked nervously.

“Don’t get too excited,” Mellie said, patting me on the back. “You’re under the world’s biggest microscope for the foreseeable future.”

“So um, why do you go to school…exactly?” I asked, stepping forward a bit. “I mean, couldn’t you be older and…do something else?”

“We can’t just change our bodies,” Rhea stared at me as if I should have known that. “We usually start as a teenager and we grow up; the difference between us, and humans, is that we take thousands of years to go from teenager to adult. We usually stop at the equivalent of about thirty years old. I guess it’s a way of putting new Fae in their place.”

“Okay I said, frowning. “But Angela wasn’t that old and she’s-“

“Your mother isn’t normal,” Mellie reminded me. “Remember, she attuned her own soul, she has the ability to change herself in any way she sees fit. She’s an anomaly, like you, but not one that the Seelie council would care about. They care about you because you’re a game changer.”

“Hold on, wait,” said. “They care about me because I’m a neutral soul, but they don’t care that my mother can go around attuning souls on her own?”

“It’s not something she’s abused, until you,” Mellie said. “and it’s not something that’s going to get out. She’s in enough trouble.”

“But they already know I exist,” I said, to no one in particular.

“They know you exist, but they don’t know how. For all we know, only one member of the Seelie council has ANY idea.”

“So, here we are then,” I felt defeated. Meredith was dead, I couldn’t go after mom. I was stuck here, in Ypsilanti.

“Here we are,” Rhea nodded. “Let me show you your room.”

“Are you even…sad about it?” I asked Rhea as I followed her through a brief hallway and into an empty room that had nothing but a mattress, on the floor. “I mean…about Meredith?”

“Of course I am,” She nodded. “Meredith was a good friend…for an Unseelie, but we lose people sometimes. Over the centuries I’ve lost a lot of friends. It happens. Like Broderick said, we’ll have time to grieve later, right now we have to be on guard.”

“I…I don’t know if I can do that,” I admitted. “I just feel so…I can’t explain it…empty I guess…”

“It’s because you’re young,” She said, almost emotionlessly. “Very, very young. You’ll get over it in time. Give it fifty years and she’ll be a distant memory. That’s the funny thing about people really, even with Fae. You get to know people, they become an intrinsic part of your life, they’re there for you at every turn, you trust them, you rely on them, you love them. Then one day, they’re gone. They’re relegated to memories that are vivid at first, and then they fade. Every day you remember them a little less, you mourn them a little less. The hole in your heart is there, always, but it scabs over, and you can go on. A person is a person until their essence is ground down into a few scattered pictures, letters, and the memories you have. Remember this, and remember it well. Souls don’t die, our memories can vanish, we can be killed, but our souls will live on to gain new memories and become part of the universe once again. Natural order, Jasmine.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” I admitted. “One day we’re all just…gone. My mother, my sister…you…me…”

“And Broderick,” She nodded. “And Mellie. Everyone.”

“The afterlife sucks.”

“Yeah,” She nodded slightly. “So, what are you going to do with yours?”

“I think…maybe I want to furnish this room,” I said, looking around. “I need a litter box for Mr. Giggles and-“

“That’s Annabelle’s cat, right?” She asked, glancing toward the door where Mr. Giggles was sitting prominently as if he owned the place. “She trained him to use the toilet.”

“You…can train a cat to use a toilet?” I cocked my head at her. Was that even possible?

“Yeah,” She said dismissively. “You just…put the litter box in a sort of ring inside the toilet and widen it until it’s crapping in the toilet consistently. It’s…um…I think it’s called City Kitty, there’s a kit.”

“That…sounds gross,” I raised an eyebrow.

“No, Jasmine, having a box of poop in your house is disgusting. Having a cat that uses the toilet is civilized.”

“So what do we do now, then?” I asked, looking at the room.

“Well we could watch a movie,” She suggested. “I just picked up this teeny bopper drama called Audrey’s Trial. It finally ties Woodcrest, Allison, and Makayla together, you know, because the author forgot to.”

“Um, wait, everyone knows that Makayla was connected because Aleah took the –“

“Hey guys,” Mellie poked her head in. “Don’t you think Jasmine ought to get registered for school?”

“You know, I think I’ve totally reconsidered the school thing,” I interjected. “I can just-“

“Nope,” Mellie stepped through the doorway, leaning against the frame as she used one hand to brush her golden blonde hair from her face. “We could be here in Ypsi for a long time, and you’re going to go stir crazy if you just sit in this room. There are very VERY few things for a girl your age to do in this town. You can only go to school for a few years, then you have to take a long break. Fifty years or so, and then you can go back for a bit. Still, you’re doing it, because Rhea’s not going to want you moping around the house. Let’s get you registered so I can get out of here.”

“Where are you going this time?” Rhea asked, a bit of sarcasm in her voice.

“I was thinking of heading out to the desert,” She shrugged. “They have this new festival in Arizona that was supposed to be like ‘Burning Man’, but they burn a giant wooden duck instead. Unfortunately, I have to stick around town to watch out for SOMEONE, so I’ll just head down to Sidetrack and have a drink instead.”

“You have to come with us to get her registered, parent or guardian, remember?” Rhea pointed out.

“Oh…right…okay, down to the school….then,” Mellie looked sorely disappointed as she turned and motioned for us to follow.

“Remember, we can’t use the mirrors,” Rhea reminded her.

“It’s always something,” Mellie muttered.

The ride to the school took about five minutes. To be fair, Ypsilanti is maybe ten miles across, and in the center, a water tower that looked like a giant brick penis. I chuckled a bit as I remembered a lady years ago who made Ypsilanti merchandise, like cups, and luggage tags that actually had an artist rendition of the tower and said ‘Homesick for the Brick Dick’. God, I kind of missed being out in the world, and to be honest, Ypsilanti wasn’t all that different than it had been…what had it been now? Thirteen? Fourteen years? I was starting to lose track.

“Out we go,” Mellie said as she stopped the car. “Let’s get this over with, I need my wine.”

As we stepped out of the car, I noticed that she was holding a thick manilla envelope; probably all of my identification papers. I couldn’t imagine that they wouldn’t have prepared for this.

The school was pretty much like any other, with ‘Ypsilanti Middle School’ written proudly across the front in blue block letters. The building itself was a mixture of brick and rectangular window frames comprising the entire front façade.

“Ugh, I remember middle school,” I sighed. “I hated it, it was so…claustrophobic.”

“It might be different for you now,” Rhea suggested. “Now that you get to go through it was a girl. I lived a lot of lives, I remember, being trans…always the hardest. You do it a lot over the course of your life. Reincarnating is like rolling the dice; universe doesn’t care. It’ll stick you in whatever body, no matter if you have a male or female soul. It sucks, but it’s not something you have to worry about now.”

We passed through the metal airlock, one set of doors, then another, and then onto a tile floor and an open-air reception area of sorts. It was cleaner than I remembered. Had they remodeled in here?

“Through heeeeeere,” Rhea walked us through a glass door and into the front office. Yep, just like I remembered. As we approached the front desk, I saw someone I would have remembered anywhere, it was Ashleigh, the girl from the ice cream store. The trans girl, actually.

“Wait, you work here?” I said, confused. “I thought you worked at Go Ice Cream?”

“Hm?” She said looking up at me. “Oh, I remember you! Are you here to enroll, or do you already go here?”

“She’s here to enroll,” Mellie spoke for me. “Um…eighth…grade…I’d guess.”

“Well, how old is she?” Ashleigh asked, turning toward her computer and typing a few things in. I became aware of Mellie opening the manilla envelope and rifling through a few sheets of paper.

“Thirteen,” She said, semi-confidently after reading the paper.

“And you’re a parent or guardian? I’m going to need to see a birth certificate, and…oh, you probably have everything we need in there.”

I waited patiently as Ashleigh filled out the paperwork. I watched her closely, hoping that she didn’t notice I was starting. She was about the age I’d been when I’d been…appropriated by Angela. Her hair brunette hair was shoulder length, mostly straight but flared at the bottom – much like Meredith’s had been, but it less…sleek. It seemed a bit more stringy. It was hard to tell that she was trans really, I guess I just knew what to look for.

“Okay, you are all set,” She said to me. “I’m going to bring out a schedule for you here-“

“Oh, shit,” Mellie said, staring down at her phone.

“What is it?” Rhea perked up and looked over to her.

“We…have to go. Now.”

“And what is this?” Mellie asked, staring at the ground with the greatest amount of disinterest that I’ve ever witnessed from any human being.

“This is a dead body,” Broderick said to her, as if he were explaining to a child.

“What a shame,” She shrugged. “Well, now what we know what it is, I’d like to get on with my day.”

“There are TWO things I want to discuss here,” Broderick placed this foot atop the dead body and rested his arm on his knee as he leaned forward to look at us. We were standing in a clearing adjacent Frog Island park, a wooded area, and the sound of children playing just beyond the tree line. “First of all, our common room, at Howell’s. All of you are responsible for doing the dishes after you eat, ALL of you. The place reeks of lemon juice and rotting tomatoes, and I’m not going to stand for it. Are we clear on that?”

“It was NOT my turn to do the dishes!” Ralph protested angrily. “I specifically said, LAST week-“

“I don’t give two shits!” Broderick waved his hands angrily. “Someone’s going to do the dishes, or I’m going to blow a gasket and NO ONE here wants that to happen!”

“Why doesn’t the new girl do dishes?” Craven suggested, looking directly at me.

“Me?” I demanded. “Why don’t you do them?”

“Because I own the bar, sweet cheeks,” He snapped. “I provide the space, you all do the cleanup, that’s how it works.”

“Oh that’s how it works is it?” Rhea shot back. “You put more dishes in that sink than anyone here! I saw you gorging yourself on Cesar salad all last week, there was so much dressing I thought we were going to have a second flood!”

“ENOUGH!” Broderick’s voice boomed. I heard the sound of the children’s laughter dissipate for a mere second, but then started up again. “All of you, get together, make a schedule work something out. Get the dishes done, I won’t be working in a pigsty. Second order of business, there’s a dead body under my food and I want to know how it got here.”

“Maybe it’s someone who died there?” Rhea suggested.

“Oh, you are so very funny,” Broderick said with mock laughter in his voice. “Look at the neck, two puncture wounds, from vampiric incisors, you all know what that means. It means that someone is breaking the law, and I want them found.”

“Since when have you been such a stickler for the rules?” Rhea smirked, eliciting a look of sheer annoyance from Broderick.

“When people die of supernatural causes, you know what happens?” Broderick quizzed us. “Anyone? No? People start asking questions, and when people start asking questions, newspapers start writing stories, and when newspapers start writing stories, the Seeling AND Unseelie court start asking questions. When they start asking questions, well, we have a problem don’t we? I don’t want any higher ups lurking around Ypsilanti, especially now that we’ve got little Miss Diva here hiding right under their noses.

“I am NOT a diva,” Protested. “I’m—”

“The reason we’re all fucked,” Ralph finished my sentence for me. “We need to question the local vampires, see if anyone knows anything.”

“Well that would be a good start, wouldn’t it?” Broderick rolled his eyes. “There are exactly two vampires in Ypsilanti, one is Jasmine’s sister, the other runs a shop called ‘Blazing Spices’. Does anyone know where that is?”

“Yeah,” I spoke up, everyone turned to look at me. “It’s across from the Brick Dick—”

“Don’t call it a ‘Brick Dick’,” Broderick interrupted me. “It’s a water tower, just call it the water tower.”

“It’s a water tower that looks like a circumcised dick,” Mellie filled in. “Everyone agrees it’s a dick.”

“Blazing Spices is a store that’s been around for a while,” I continued. “It never did well, they sell ultraviolet strobe lights and garlic.”

“What?” Broderick looked legitimately confused. “Okay, whatever, Mellie, Ralph, go to ‘Blazing Spices’. Now whose going with me to meet with the ‘La Goule’ clan?”

Without a single word, I watched Craven turn on his heels and literally run from the clearing as fast as he could, Broderick shook his head as he watched the man disappear through the treeline.

“Again, whose going with me?”

“Not it,” Rhea said. That left Broderick looking in my direction.

“Okay sure,” I said. “I’ll go with you. What’s the problem?”

No problem at all,” Broderick sighed. “La Goule is headquartered in Ann Arbor, so I have to take you out of town. Don’t tell your mother.”

Broderick sighed as he hoisted the dead man over his shoulder and began to walk from the clearing. I followed him for a bit, finally reaching his car, parked in a gravel lot alongside about five others. For some reason it never occurred to me that he was literally carrying a dead body in broad daylight as if it were a piece of luggage, and perhaps even more disturbing is that no one noticed. Apparently, people only pay attention to themselves. Broderick asked me to open the truck, and then he unceremoniously shoved the corpse into his trunk alongside a bag of golf clubs and woodworking toolbox.

“Don’t say anything when we get in there,” He told me. “I’m only bringing you along so I don’t have to do this myself.”

“What’s so bad about it?” I asked as he left the park and took the freeway exit toward Ann Arbor.

“They’re vampires,” He said, keeping his eyes fixed on the road. The car hummed, and the road roared beneath the thin floorboards. You’d think he would have been able to afford a better car.

“Broderick,” I said as we flew down the freeway faster than the speed limit really allowed. “When are we going after my mother?”

“Your mother is a formidable woman,” Broderick answered, flipping on his turn signal and taking the exit ramp and blowing through a red light at the bottom. “She wants us to protect you, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do. There’ll come a time when we need to go for her, there will, but now just isn’t it. You’re stuck here, for the foreseeable. Doesn’t mean I won’t put you to work, there’s a lot to do around here.”

“Great,” I muttered. My mother was out there, somewhere and I was stuck in this hole in the wall town working for this idiot.

“I know you might not think much of me,” Broderick said, as if he were reading my mine. “And I just want to say…I don’t think much of you either.”

“Reassuring,” I rolled my eyes. He turned onto a side street and pulled into a residential area, immediately stopping to parallel park in front of a house with Greek letters affixed to the awning. “A frat house?”

“Delta Alpha Muh,” He said, throwing the car into park and opening his car door. “At least it is today.”

“What do you mean, today?” I asked, really confused. “Does it change?”

“Fucking often,” He muttered. We walked up the sidewalk and ascended the stairs and rang the doorbell. “Remember, keep quiet, I’m not going to answer a million and one questions today.”

He rang the doorbell again, and almost immediately the door flew open. We were met by what appeared to be a stereotypical frat boy in a button-up shirt covered by a blue sweater-vest, complete with the University of Michigan logo across the left breast. The guy that answered was a well-groomed picture of perfection, basically every frat boy ever.

“Broderick!” He said, smiling wide. “It’s been so long! How have you been?”

“Can it,” Broderick said, pushing his way into the house. “I need to talk to Samuel, where is he?”

I followed Broderick into the house, emerging into a beautiful wood-paneled foyer, photographs of fraternity members hanging on the walls, and a polished hardwood floor beneath our feet. The place was incredibly clean, not a speck of dust anywhere. Over our heads, a brass chandelier lit the area, including the stairs to our right. As I admired the scenery, a black haired boy emerged from the back wearing the same sweater vest and a pair of khakis.

“Can I help you, Broderick and…” He stopped to look at me.

“She’s not important,” Broderick practically dismissed me. “I need to talk to you.”

“If it’s just you that needs to talk to me, then why is she here?”

“Gods, Samuel, this is Jasmine, Jasmine, Samuel. Are we good now? We found a dead body in the park, over in Ypsi, two puncture wounds, clearly a vampire. You know that vampires aren’t allowed to hunt, it’s against the law. So what I need from you is a list of your people, where they were in the last forty-eight hours and-“

“You know what?” Samuel said with a smile. I noticed for the first time that his complexion was a little paler, just like my sister’s, and his eyes were a deep blue. Is this something I would have noticed in my previous life? How had I missed stuff like this? “I can certainly help you there, let’s go back to my office and I’ll—”

“THEME CHANGE!” A voice from a side room boomed. I nearly jumped two feet in the air.

“Theme change!” Samuel echoed. Throughout the house, I heard feet shuffling, and Samuel took off running, disappeared down the hallway. I became acutely aware of Broderick slamming his face into his palm as several students ran from the back carrying sheets of what looked like faux stone that they affixed to the walls until the place actually looked like Dracula’s castle, complete with lit braziers on the wall and what I hoped were fake blood stains. Suddenly, Samuel reappeared, but this time, he was wearing a black vest, black pants, and a red silk shirt with a floor-length black cape. His hair had been slicked back, and I swear he was wearing eyeliner.

“Welcome! Welcome to Castle La’Goule!” He shouted, spreading his arms in a dramatic fashion. “How might the Lord of Castle La’Goule help you on this lovely day?”

“Holy fuck Samuel, you know why we’re here,” Broderick snapped. “I need—”

“You shall address me as Lord Samuel of Clan La’Goule!” Samuel screeched. “Within these walls you shall pay respect to your benefactors!”

“Holy shit, okay, Lord La’Goule, what I need is-“

“THEME CHANGE!” The voice shouted again.

“What are they doing?” I looked up at Broderick.

“When you’ve been a live for a few hundred years you get bored,” Broderick told me. “Just…they get more bored than we do.”

The bleak gothic walls were taken away, suddenly replaced by a façade of a school hall, complete with lockers and desks. Samuel reappeared, this time dressed in a plaid skirt, a pair of stiletto heels and a white button-up top, tied at the waist.

“We’re sexy schoolgirls now,” He informed us.

“Come on, Jasmine,” Broderick sighed. “We’re leaving.”

“I hate school,” I said to Rhea as we walked into the bathroom following the last bell. “It’s worse than I remembered.”

“It’s not that bad,” Rhea rolled her eyes and leaned against one of the sinks, her body toward mine. “Fix your lipstick, it looks terrible.”

In all of the lessons Angela had given me on makeup, I’d never managed to get liquid lipstick right, ever. I’d get one side straight, then I’d try to fix up the other, overcompensate, and suddenly, I’d look like a clown. I hated the new lipstick that Rhea had gotten for me, on that note. She’d insisted on getting me this sparkly pink stuff that looked so…juvenile. It was to blend in, I guess, but god damn, teenage girls have horrible taste.

“As long as we aren’t going to start going to church,” I said, looking in the mirror and pressing the lipstick applicator to my lips. “I don’t need to learn about Jesus.”

“That’s an interesting story actually,” She continued to watch me apply the lipstick, silently judging me, or so I thought. “Jesus was a more of a…freedom fighter. A highway man. Broderick met him. He was um…he went around Judea trying to raise an army, had these twelve guys, convinced them to just give up their jobs and, you know, join up with him. It all ended in a battle at this place called Gethsemane, I hear it was beautiful.”

“How did that end?” I asked, genuinely curious as I placed the cap back on my lipstick and checked it in the mirror.

“You ever read the Bible? Anyway, let’s get home,” She placed her hand against the mirror, and just like that, she was gone.

“Hey wait!” I protested just as she vanished. I couldn’t use the mirror, Broderick told me that they could track me if I used the mirror. Did this bitch really just abandon me at the school? Yeah, of course she did. I slapped the sink with my open palm and turned toward the bathroom door. The house was a few miles from the school, it probably wouldn’t be a horrible walk but I really wasn’t looking forward to it.

As I walked out of the bathroom I noticed massive OLED wall across from the bathroom; that definitely hadn’t been here when I’d attended the first time. I’d seen quite a few video walls since I’d left Angela’s house, this one was just advertising school events. Ticket prices for an upcoming football game, tryouts for the girl’s volleyball team, a presentation of Phantom of the Opera by the first grade elementary school class, boring stuff really. I turned from the display and made my way toward the front door, dodging a few stragglers, the sounds of students fading as I slung my purple backpack over my shoulder. The noise in the hallway grew quieter,more and more of them vanished from the front doors grew nearer. As I rounded the corner, finally, I saw Ashleigh standing there, beside the wall heater, staring intently at her phone.

“Hey!” I said kind of cheerfully, or at least I think it was cheerfully. Faking emotions – not really my thing. Her emotions, however were transparent; she was pretty happy to see me.

“Oh hey,” She smiled. “Jasmine, I totally remember you from the office the other day.”

“And the ice cream shop,” I reminded her. “You work in both places?”

“Yeah, I’m trying to save up money for a trip to Europe, I want to study abroad, you know, experience another culture, get an education, the whole shebang.”

“That’s exciting,” I nodded. “I guess I’m pretty boring by comparison…”

“You don’t SEEM boring,” She cocked her head at me. I frowned.

“I don’t?”

“Really, you don’t, there’s something off about you, and hopefully I’m not offending you, but you know, I sat in on a few classes, being a student teacher and all, and you…you seem different. Really different. You’re not intimidated by the other kids, even if they pick on you, you finish your work fast, it’s like you’ve done this before, it’s like…you’re detached.”

“People can pick on me all I want,” I shrugged. “Once they graduate they’ll live miserable lives and work dead end jobs.”

“That’s what I’m talking about,” She studied me a bit closer. “You seem like you’re way above all this and not in an arrogant way, it’s like just…a fact.”

“Yeah?” I said. “What else can you tell about me?”

“You’re like me, a lot like me. You don’t want to be here, you’re longing for something.”

“Well, right now I’m longing for a ride home,” I joked. “Know where I can get one of those?”

“Well you just missed the busses,” She glanced out the front door, peering through the smudged plate glass that overlooked the front parking lot. “And technically I’m not allowed to drive you in my car…”

“But you’re going to, right?”

“Yeah,” She nodded. “Just don’t tell anyone, alright?”

“Promise,” I confirmed as she tucked her phone into her purse and pulled out a set of car keys.

“Mine is the blue one, over there,” She pointed as we stepped into the airlock and then out into the sun. It was stupidly hot out here; I could feel the heat reflecting off the windows, another great memory of this school from back in the day. It was nice to see almost nothing had changed in two decades. As we walked I couldn’t help but notice how cut her outfit was; it was this blue cami underneath a lighter blue flannel top, fitted and showing her outline. A pair of jeans completed the ensemble and I couldn’t but sit there and ask myself why I couldn’t have bee that brave back when I was her age. Eighteen or nineteen, whatever she was. 2019 had been a completely different world, I guess things were starting to look up for trans people, at least in Ypsilanti. “Hey, you going to stare at my butt or get in the car?”

“Oh, um,” I stuttered. “I was just…sorry I was looking at your outfit.”

“It’s pretty cute, right?” She grinned. “I love layering, it takes attention away from…other things, you know?”

There was a click as the car doors unlocked. I pulled the handle and climbed in, immediately noticing that her car was really, really high tech for a student teacher who worked at an ice cream shop.

“Wow,” I remarked. “Your car has a touchscreen on the dash? Oh my god, the speedometer is reflected on the windshield? That’s…that looks really expensive.”

“Jasmine, are you on pot? Serious inquiry. Every car has this stuff.”

Right, the years was 2035, cars were probably one of the more advanced pieces of tech right now, even if everything else had stagnated. Then again this probably wasn’t even high tech for the time period. God, I apparently missed a lot while I was playing maid for Angela. Then I probably missed even more while I was living in her house. Sixteen years went by so fast, yet, here I was, still a kid. Life is just weird sometimes.

“Yeah uh…well…yeah,” I laughed, trying to change the subject, or at least divert it away from my obvious ignorance.

“Heh, whatever,” She laughed. “Hey, I have to stop by my house, I forgot my work uniform and I’m staying at a friend’s house tonight.”

“Oh, uh, sure,” I said. “I can wait in the car.”

“Don’t be stupid,” She waved her hand as we took a turn onto a residential street. “I’m not going to make you wait in a hot car.”

“Oh, okay,” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. She pulled into a driveway, directly in front of a one story house affixed to a white garage door. Immediately, she turned off the car which had been riding a lot quieter than I thought, and stepped out. I followed her into the house; the wind was beginning to pick up a bit and I found myself doing my best to keep my hair out of my face as it plastered to my lip gloss. I got a reprieve from the elements when we stepped into the house and the door was shut. We stood just inside an entryway, the open concept of the home granting us a clear view of the kitchen and living room beyond.

“Hey, Shelley?” Ashleigh called out as a tall blonde girl poked her head out from the kitchen. “This is Jasmine, she’s just here while I grab my work uniform.”

The girl, Shelley, looked at me with what I think might have been an expression of disgust but it was kind of subtle. I immediately became wary.

“You need to tell us when you’re bringing people over,” Shelley said, placing her hands on her hips. “You pay rent, but this is still our house. Adam was pissed last time.”

“Oh, I’m…really sorry,” Ashleigh smiled a bit, though I could tell she was a little stressed. Maybe a lot stressed. “I thought it would be okay, she was only here for an hour-“

“Our house, our rules. Also, you left your cup in the sink again, you know how we feel about that.”

“You know what, you’re right,” Ashleigh nodded. “I’ll try to be more careful.”

“I don’t know if I can believe you anymore,” Shelley said, walking back into the kitchen. “It’s the third time.”

“Come on,” Ashleigh smiled to me. “Let’s go get my work uniform.”

Casting a wary look toward the kitchen, I returned my attention to Ashleigh and followed her through a brief hall, into a room that was so incredibly girly. Pink walls, a pink bed with a pink metal headboard. It was kind of how my room would have looked at Angela’s house if I’d been allowed to have a room.

“This is so cute!” I exclaimed, doing a kind of spin as I took in the space. “I love the theme you have going on here!”

“Yeah, I was thinking about doing a theme change though, maybe something a darker pink instead of a baby pink.”

“Yeah, theme changes are fun,” I watched her take the work uniform from her closet and stare at it for a minute. I bit my lower lip and sighed. “Hey Ashleigh?”

“Yeah?” She turned to look at me.

“It’s not always going to be like this,” I said, trying to be reassuring. “It won’t hurt forever.”

Maybe what I said sounded crazy, but I could see the glint of recognition in her eyes. It was a pain I’d experienced so many times in my life, before Angela. I’d though that there was no hope, I thought I’d live as a boy forever. Ashleigh had done really well, but deep down she still had to feel the pain and I knew how hopeless she felt. God I wish I could tell her more.

“I think we should get going,” She stared at me, probably thought I was crazy. Just as I began to speak, I felt a buzzing in my shallow pocket. As, yes, the phone that Broderick had given me. I reached in and gripped the casing, pulling it out into the palm of my hand to see a group text from Broderick.

Got a lead on the fucking body. Get Jasmine over here now.

“Well, duty calls,” I muttered.

“I don’t mean to be a dick, by any means,” Broderick said as he stood behind his desk in the basement of Howell’s. “But we need to step up our game.”

He was leaning on his desk, arms spread and palms open against the surface. He had what I could only describe as the most pissed off look that I had ever seen on his face and I had no idea what was going on. The rest of us, minus Craven, were gathered around the desk waiting for whatever news he was about to drop on us.

“And…what did you find exactly? You know, about the dead body?” Mellie asked impatiently. “I have places to be, I can’t just sit here and wait for your grand finale, or whatever.”

“I sent the body over to our friends at the University, they were able to extract a trace amount of DNA from the wound. Seems our vampire friends aren’t from here, at all. They belong to the Maras coven, which, as you know, isn’t based within the ice barrier. They operate primarily out of Eaves. So, what is a coven from Eaves doing here? Hm? Trying to draw Jasmine out?”

“Why the cloak and dagger?” Ralph asked, stepping forward. “If they want Jasmine, why don’t they just take her? No offense, Jasmine.”

“Because they know we’d raise holy hell if they did,” Mellie shrugged. “Angela’s legacy is to be protected at all costs. As one of the matriarchs of Greystem, we follow her wishes.”

“She inspires loyalty to a fault,” Broderick sighed. “But, I need volunteers. We need to go to Pi Sigma Theta, the sorority across from Delta Alpha Muh. Once again, not a real sorority, they just moved into a house and threw Greek letters up. As you know, or as some of you don’t know, there are four houses in that cluster, and they all share a backyard. They do their stupid theme changes in tandem sometimes, so we have to be wary when we go over there.”

“Do you think they’ll be doing the desert again?” Rhea perked up. “I like the desert.”

“And I suddenly hate you,” Broderick shook his head and rolled his eyes. “They’re the coven with ties to the Maras, but we have to tread carefully. They’ll likely give us the answers we want, IF we catch them on the right day. I need a volunteer to go with me. Jasmine, put your hand down.”

“That’s not fair!” I objected. “I had fun last time!”

“Okay, I’m not going to spend time arguing with you. You and Mellie then. We’re going…right now.”

“I’m busy tonight,” Mellie objected.

“Oh? Doing what?” Broderick stood up and rubbed his hands together. “Drinking wine and seducing boys to do your laundry?”

“And girls,” Mellie nodded.

“It’ll do you good to actually DO something around here, get ready to go,” Broderick sighed and reached into his desk, pulling out three lemons which he slammed down unceremoniously. “Everyone take a lemon.”

“Um, what’s the lemon for?” I asked, genuinely confused.

“You’ll figure it out,” Ralph snickered. I glanced back; I’d almost forgotten that he was there.

“Let’s get it over with,” Mellie said angrily. “I guess we have to take the stupid car.”

“Yes,” Broderick sighed, looking straight at me. “We have to take the stupid car.”

The ride to Ann Arbor took about twenty minutes as usual, and we pulled up onto a different street. I saw Broderick looking out the window, a confused and pained look painting his face.

“It should be here,” He muttered, staring at what appeared to be an abandoned storefront. “Their house is…no, it couldn’t be, could it?”

“You think they mezzed the entire front of the house?” Mellie suggested.

“I think they did,” He sighed. “I wonder what the theme is today.

“We’re not going to like it, whatever it is,” Mellie shook her head. “What do we do?”

“We go over to Delta,” He said, throwing the car into drive once again. The transmission clunked beneath us as he moved the shifter and pulled way from the curb.

“You see the other sorority is missing too?” She pointed across Broderick, indicating an empty lot right next to the abandoned storefront.

“Of fucking course it is,” He said angrily, taking a left turn and winding around the block. He stopped the car in front of the Delta house and told us to get follow him. The Delta house looked pretty normal, nothing odd about it, but as Broderick cop knocked on the door I couldn’t help but feel a little bit uneasy.

The door opened, and there stood Samuel, this time wearing a pirate outfit, complete with a bandana, a hook on his left hand, and a bottle of rum in the other.

“Argh!” He shouted aloud, taking a swig from the rum bottle. “What ye be doin’ at our abode at this late hour?”

“It’s four in the afternoon, Samuel,” Mellie snapped.

“Argh but be it really?” He waved a hand, indicating that we should look around. The afternoon sky had grown seemingly dark, the sky dotted with stars. “Now tell me? How can we help ye? State yer business.”

“Gods fuck it,” Broderick swore under his breath. “We need to get over to Pi Sigma Delta. Their house is gone, so you tell us how to get there.”

“Aye, ye not be the only one askin’ bout that accursed house. I can grant ye passage, but the road is long, the path dangerous, ye be takin’ your life into yer hands!”

“Samuel, you are LITERALLY taking your OWN life into your hands right now, show me how to get to Pi Sigma.”

“I have to tell ye,” Samuel said as he led us into the house. “It’s unsettling to even do this thing for ye, it feels wrong, in me bones. The Pi Sigma’s…they’re scurvy wenches they are. Cast a curse on ye they will. You an’ your companions, you’ll ne’er be the same!”

“Holy fuck Samuel,” Broderick practically shouted as we were led through the house, which had been transformed into some sort of boat dock, complete with life preservers affixed to the wall. “Shut your mouth and get us to Pi.”

“Don’t be so rushed to sail to your demise!” Samuel snapped as he threw open the back door. I heard Broderick say what must have been a curse word but in an entirely different language. Outside, just beyond the back porch, an expanse of water, glistening in the moonlight and stretching across the Delta’s backyard, all the way to what I assumed was the Pi Sigma house. Longways, it ran through two other backyards, forming a literal sea in the middle of the neighborhood block. Samuel beckoned for us to come with him, guiding us to a small wooden rowboat that had been docked at the porch. He carefully hung a lantern at the bow of the boat and began to untie the rope. “Now are ye sure this is the path ye wish to take? Can I not sway ye?”

“Samuel you stupid fuck,” Broderick snarled. Mellie placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Broderick, let the man have his fun, you know how bored they are,” Mellie smiled. “Besides, we’ll be out of here shortly.”

“Are ye sure I can’t change yer mind?” Samuel looked at us with what appeared to be legitimate concern. “I can’t tell ye what dangers might lurk behind those doors!”

There was a thud as the rowboat collided with the front of the porch. The three of us stood and jumped to clear the gap between the bow and the top step.

“Thank you Samuel,” Mellie smiled. “You’ve been very helpful.”

“Aye, but would be a help to my soul if I could change your mind!” Samuel said, using an our to push off and began to move back toward the Delta house. The three of us stood together in front of their back door. Broderick looked annoyed beyond belief, Mellie seemed amused, and I’m not going to lie, I was a little terrified.

“Alright come on,” Broderick said angrily, grabbing the doorknob and yanking it open. We stepped through, and instead of being greeted by what I thought would be a sorority house, it was the same nautical theme as the Delta house, though with a more Victorian touch. As we stepped into what had to be their dining room, a girl came around the corner, a beautiful blonde wearing a peasant type dress with a black leather corset bound around her midsection. As she moved toward us, she grinned seductively, dragging her hand lightly against the wall.

“Ladies…and gentleman,” She said with an evil grin, moving in close enough to sniff Broderick. “What brings you to the Pi Sigma house today?”

“We need to speak with Heather, and gods dammit, could you make it fast?” Broderick demanded. “We’ve had enough of this nonsense for one day.”

The girl slowly and purposefully moved over to Mellie and placed her face within half an inch of Mellie’s nose.

“Be careful what you wish for, dears,” The girl said in a mockingly evil tone of voice. “You might just….get it.”

“Well, given what’s being offered,” Mellie smiled. “I don’t think I’d mind getting it.”

As Mellie spoke, she snapped her teeth at the girl’s nose. The girl pulled back at the last second and giggled.

“Oh I like this one,” She laughed. “She has spirit! Now maybe we could put that to good use!”

“Could we not do this right now?” Broderick sighed and looked around, surveying the corkboard walls and the various nautical themed implements. “We’re on a schedule.”

“But of course,” The girl grinned. “I’ll take you to Heather, right this way!”

“You see this shit,” Broderick groaned as we were led to the left and down a hallway. “This is why I don’t deal with vampires.”

As the girl came to a closed door, she knocked lightly until she heard a voice from the other side asking us to enter. We were led through, into a room that looked more like the captain’s room of a ship tan anything else. The girl, Heather, sat at a huge desk, her boot clad feet crossed atop it. She was a red headed girl, dressed in a wench dress similar to the other girl’s but with a shorter skirt, and dyed a deep red. Her black corset accented her curves perfectly, and the three cornered pirate had atop her head added a new layer of absurdity to the entire thing. Broderick started to speak, but his eyes were drawn to what appeared to be a man of about twenty kneeling on the floor in front of the desk, his hands shackled, and an iron collar around his neck with a lead bolted to the desk. He was wearing a tattered University of Michigan sweater, his face bruised to hell and back. As soon as he saw us, he began to scream.

“Oh thank god, please help me! Get me out of here! Please!” He raised his shackled hands toward us, as if to reach out for help.

“Heather, what the hell is this?” Broderick demanded, indicating the man. Heather simply shrugged.

“He came into the house and tried to get…aggressive with one of our coven. Simply not a thing we put up with, and he’s seen too much. You know the law, we can’t kill him, we can only turn him .”

“Then why haven’t you turned him?” Broderick studied the man. “Get it over with, if you’re going to torture him don’t do it to him as a human; you could kill him.”

“We’re doing it kind of slow,” Heather shrugged. “Taking time to make sure he’s nice and weak, and that he stays small. This one’s going to wear frilly dresses and serve me tea.”

“You don’t drink tea,” Broderick stepped forward, past the man who continued to plead.

“Right, then I’ll find something for him to do,” She shrugged. “So what is it that brings you here, Broderick?”

“I’m looking for a member of the Maras coven, someone who has been committing…atrocities, so to speak. It could draw unwanted attention, for all of us.”

“Indeed?” Heather nodded. “I do know of one who came into town recently, a friend of ours from many years back, though if he’s planning to make our lives difficult, I want no part of that. His name is Draven, and he isn’t a Daywalker, like us. You would find him in the sewers at night, most likely.”

“In the sewers, right,” Broderick nodded.

“Dude, please, you have to help me!” The student shrieked again. “You can’t just leave me here!”

“Thank you for your assistance,” Broderick nodded. “It is very much appreciated-“

“Oh you didn’t think you’d get that little tidbit of information for free, did you?” Heather grinned as she stood from her chair. “You, Broderick, are quite handsome, perhaps you could spend a few days in one of my cag—”

“Squeeze the fucking lemons,” Broderick said, reaching into his pocket. I’d completely forgotten the lemon in my jacket. I reached in and grabbed it, giving it a hard squeeze. The moment I did, the corkboard walls and the desk vanished, suddenly replaced by a typical bedroom. Light pink walls, white closet doors, and three beds. Heather stood before us, now dressed like any other college girl, and wearing an expression of pure hatred.

“Don’t you know how to have fun?!” She demanded, suddenly kicking the poor guy on the floor, who collapsed into a heap at her feet, sobbing into her shoes like a baby as he struggled to free himself from the shackles.

“Fun?” Broderick growled. “Never heard of it. Let’s go.”

“I’m going,” I said adamantly to Broderick, gripping my bow in my left hand. “If they’re after me I deserve to know why.”

“We can send you a memo,” Broderick said, dropping a netted bag of lemons into a canvas backpack along with a few packages of crossbow bolts. “Have you ever been in a real fight? And by that I mean a fight where you didn’t get one of the most important people in your life killed?”

“Excuse me?” I clenched my fist, my face beginning to burn a deep red. “There was NOTHING I could do for Meredith!”

“You’re gods damn right there wasn’t,” Broderick zipped the backpack and slung it over his shoulder, then lifted a heavy black crossbow from his desk and rested it in both hands. “You want to know something, Jasmine? The mirrors we use to travel, they have a neat feature, they capture events that they see. We were able to see the entire fight, and you know what? You got her killed. Yeah, I’m probably going to hurt your feelings but quite frankly dear, I don’t give a fuck. She told you to run, out the front door. If you’d done that, she wouldn’t have had to stay to protect YOU.”

“That’s…fuck you!” I shouted. “How dare you?! I loved Meredith! How fucking DARE you?!”

“You apparently loved the idea of showing up more than you loved the idea of keeping her alive. How does it feel, Jasmine?” Broderick looked at me, the expression on his face wasn’t anger so much as it was condescension. “How does it feel to pretend you’re the victim instead of being the one that killed her? Understand this, you made a mistake. It’s not the first one you’ll make over the millennia. I’ve gotten people killed myself, and it’s not a good feeling, but here’s the thing, you need to own up to it. You need to come to terms with the fact that you valued your pride and vanity over her life, only then are you going to fucking grow up.”

Broderick walked out of the room, leaving me to fume by his desk. I glanced toward the door and saw Rhea leaning against the frame, arms folded, one foot up behind her resting against the wall. She looked over at me and shook her head.

“You’d better listen to him,” She told me. “You get a little taste of immortality and you think you know it all? You know shit. Stay here, keep your head down, before you get your mother killed too.”

“For all I know, she’s already dead,” I spat out.

“She’s your mother,” Rhea said, lower her leg and turning to leave the room. “If she were dead, you’d know.”

I let out a shriek of anger and slammed my fist down on Broderick’s desk. I couldn’t believe that they could even SAY that to me. I hadn’t gotten Meredith killed, I’d tried to save her. This was complete bullshit and now they were off on some fucking adventure that was all about me, without me. The basement grew silent as everyone left, through one of the mirrors, without me obviously. Funny thing, they could use the mirrors as long as I wasn’t along. Maybe that was the real reason.

“Hey Jasmine,” A familiar voice said. I turned around to see my sister standing in the door. I was still getting used to the fact that she was taller, and way older than me. I knew that it had happened, and I knew HOW it had happened, but to see it, oh my god. “You feeling alright?”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “Things are just…you know.”

She nodded.

“Well, while they’re gone, I’m on babysitting duty, so come on little sis. We have a lot of catching up to do anyway.”

“Little sis,” I smirked. “You know I’m like thirty-five, right?”

“Mmm not from where I’m standing,” She grinned sardonically. I blushed. “Come on, let’s go, I don’t want to carry you out of here, but I swear I will.”

I reluctantly followed her up the stairs and allowed her to lead me to a car. It was a pink convertible – not what I’d been expecting her to drive at ALL. I’d expected something black, like a hearse. I mean, she was a vampire, right? She saw me staring at the car and shook her head, then walked right past me and opened the passenger side door.

“In,” She spoke with a commanding voice. I flinched a little bit, then walked to the car, unsure if I’d done so under my own power or because she’d told me to. I guess it didn’t matter. She closed the door and walked to the other side, throwing the car into gear and pulling out of the parking spot.

“So where do you live, anyway?” I asked, genuinely curious. “Some underground lair, or an abandoned church? Where do vampires live?

“Don’t you think that’s a little insulting?” She asked. I couldn’t tell if she was being serious or not, but then she cracked a grin. “I live in a house, a house you’re pretty familiar with.”

As soon as she said that, I noticed that she was pulling onto a familiar street. A really familiar street. In fact, she pulled into the driveway of a home that I’d known for the first eighteen years of my life.

“Meghan,” I whispered. “Are we…going to see mom and dad?”

She shook her head, I sighed in relief as she patted my hand.

“Let’s go inside, little sis,” She unbuckled her seat belt and stood up, waiting for me to join her on the other side. As I did she took my hand in hers and walked us up the driveway. Reaching the front walk I felt my knees begin to buckle. I didn’t want to go in there. I was immortal, I shouldn’t have felt the way I did, it’s not like they could hurt me. But the memories. Oh gods, the memories they kept flushing back into my consciousness like dirty water, swishing around and permeating my existence.

“Meghan?” I said questioningly.

“It’s okay hon,” She reassured me. “We need to do this.”

I let her lead me up to the front door, my body was numb as we walked through the front door, and even more memories began to dig their way out of a grave I’d dug for them more than a decade ago. As we stepped inside though, the house was different, very, very different. It was more feminine first of all. I mean, it wasn’t pink or anything but it definitely had more of a female touch. I guess the best way to put it would be ‘college girl’, it had that vibe to it. Mom and dad were nowhere to be seen, but I kept expecting them to appear at any moment. My body was tense. I looked up at her, I think I was trembling. She smiled and led my past the dining room and down the hall, to her room. It looked largely the same, though fewer posters on the walls, and a laptop sitting on a glass desk in the corner.

“Do you remember how much time we spent in here?” She asked as she led me over to her bed and literally lifted me onto it. She sat beside me and threw an arm around me. “Dad hated you for it.”

“Yeah,” I remembered. “He thought…he thought I wasn’t manly enough, I mean he…wanted me to do boy things like, I don’t know…what do boys do?”

“I have no idea,” She admitted.

“Meghan, where are mom and dad? What happened to them? Whose house is this?”

“Well, Jasmine, honey, when you disappeared I…I head a breakdown of sorts, I guess. With you gone, mom and dad, they turned their anger on me. I guess I got a small taste of what they’d put you through. I mean I guess it was going to happen anyway, since you moved out, but…maybe it was worse, I don’t know. Sometimes people take their grief and turn it into rage. When I was seventeen, I met Jothron. There was just something different about him. Mom and dad hated him, I loved him. Of course it would work that way.”

“Of course,” I nodded, interrupting her.

“He came here, to my room one night, said he could set me free, so of course, I took him up on it. He took me away from here, and he changed me. At first it was amazing but…he turned out to be so much worse than they were. He controlled every aspect of my life. He…I…I was his slave, until one day, I found a way to turn on him. I killed him. He was stronger than me, but I found a way to kill him. Then, in my blind rage, I came back here and…I took mom and dad, I locked them up, in the basement, and I told them everything, everything they’d done to me, and to you. I…tortured them for months, and I told them why. I made sure they knew, and they tried to apologize. Especially dad. Oh, he groveled, he didn’t want to die. He begged me to kill mom first. I think at the end she realized what a scumbag she’d married but…I wasn’t really feeling charitable. Once their bodies were found, I put a bid on this house, the moment it went up on the market, and, well, here we are.”

“I don’t know what to say,” I shook my head. “I should feel something, anything at all but I just feel…”

“Relived?”

“Relieved,” I confirmed.

“You and I,” She told me. “We’re free now. You got the mother you always needed. I got revenge for both of us. There’s going to be danger ahead, little sister, but don’t be afraid, I’m with you every step of the way. So tell me, what’s one thing you always wanted to do while you were in here, back then?”

I grinned sheepishly.

“Try on your clothes, obviously.”

“Well,” She said, standing up and gesturing toward the closet. “Nothing stopping you now.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you shop like a stoner?” Ashleigh peeked into my cart as we approached the self-checkout lane at the grocery store. Inside, as I well knew, she would see three bottles of lemon juice, a bag of tomatoes, six potatoes, and a quart of ice cream. I suppose she would think that was a little weird, but ever since I’d been changed and allowed to eat for the first time, I’d been craving citrus and random dairy products. Potatoes were just a plus today.

“Uh…I guess I just get weird cravings,” I said the first thing that came to mind. She’d already questioned why I needed to go shopping; I guess there aren’t many twelve year old girls that go grocery shopping these days.

“I totally understand,” She nodded. “I crave pickles, like, all the time.”

“Pickles?” I asked her as I scanned the lemon juice and set it on the conveyor belt. “That’s a weird thing to crave.”

“Not if you’re trans,” She smiled. “I take a pill called sprio, right? It suppresses testosterone but makes it REALLY hard for my body to absorb salt, sooooo pickles. Lots of pickles.”

“Um,” I said, slightly distracted as held my transparent credit card beneath the scanner. It made a satisfying beep and I retracted it. “You ever try olives?’

“Olives are good, pickles are better!” She responded in a very upbeat tone with a smile on her face. I stared at her for a long moment and then dropped my bags into the cart. Her phone buzzed, and as she checked the screen, the smile faded momentarily from her face, until finally she put it away and looked back toward me. I finished dropping the items in the cart and walked toward the door, walking around several other shoppers as the cart wheels clattered against the tile.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you,” I told her after we’d finished packing the groceries in the car and sat down up front. “If you don’t mind…I mean…what’s it like being trans? Does it feel weird? Is it different? How did your family take it?”

I watch her stop for a moment, perhaps lost in thought. I’d asked her to take me shopping because Meghan was noticeably absent today and I couldn’t use the mirrors. She probably hadn’t expected an interrogation but I really, really wanted to know what my life could have been like if Angela hadn’t changed me. It was impossible for me to say if I would have ever come out; back then I was afraid of my parents even though I’d moved out. Even still I felt their invisible grip around my heart and mind, one driven by manufactured dogma and control issues that I couldn’t even begin to diagnose.

“It’s um…funny you ask,” She sighed. “I told my mom four years ago and I thought she would have had time to adjust but she told me that…that I took her son away. I tried to explain to her that this has always been me, that I spent my entire childhood being…so…sad. I guess sad is a good way to put it. But she said to me ‘I’ll always remember him, and that you took him away from me, and everything that I hold dear’. You know, Jasmine, in my mind I know it’s bullshit but my heart, my heart is aching right now. In my heart, it feels like I…feel like I hurt a person that I’m supposed to care about. I feel…responsible.”

“You can’t be responsible,” I shook my head. “You didn’t take anything away from her, you…didn’t belong to her. You made the best choice, for you, to survive, and if she can’t handle that then…it’s gotta be on her.”

“That’s what I keep telling myself,” She nodded, her voice cracking a little bit. She still hadn’t started the car. “I just keep trying to…”

“Have you thought about writing it down?” I suggested. “I used to keep a journal, sometimes it really helps to get the emotions out through words. Heck you could even turn it into a story, post it online, get some feedback.”

“I don’t really like posting stories online,” She laughed a little bit. “It’s easy at first, when you don’t have much character development fleshed out. See in the beginning your character is someone that people can relate to, they can project onto. But, as you get further into the story you start to really develop your character, give them a personality, and then your readers will be like ‘Well I’d never do that’ or ‘I’m really losing interest in this story now that I can’t picture myself in it’. It’s…just a problem that happens as the story evolves.”

“Wait, hold on,” I cocked my head at her. “Doesn’t the quality of the story matter? Like, at all? Dynamic characters, branching plotline? I see books all the time that are really complex. You can’t really project yourself onto a character in a Steven King book but the story is what matters.”

“Well, sometimes,” She nodded. “But then you have books like Twilight or Fifty Shades of Grey where the character is basically an empty template that you can jump into. Everyone could picture themselves as Bella, but not everyone can be Roland the Gunslinger.”

“Did love me some Dark Tower though,” I smiled softly. She shot me a strange look.

“You’ve read the Dark Tower?” She finally turned the ignition key, the car roared to life. “That’s like…old…and you’re like…eleven.”

“A classic is a classic,” I affirmed. The truth was that I’d gotten into it around the time the movie was still pretty popular, but did she really need to know that?

“So here’s…the truth,” She told me with a sigh. “This thing…happened. My mother said that to me and you know what? Everyone around me sees me as the strong one, the one who always cracks a joke, the one who lets everything roll off her shoulders and to be honest, I am that way because I had to be growing up. My parents, they weren’t really ones for listening or helping me solve problems. I had to put up this wall, build this hard shell, never let anyone know how I was feeling. Because of that everyone comes to me with their problems, they expect me to solve so many things, or be that sympathetic ear but you know what? Now I’m the one that needs help. Now I’m the one that’s hurting, and there’s no one here for me.”

“I’m here for you,” I said softly. “I’ll listen, I promise. You can tell me anything.”

“Why do you seem so much older than you are?” She looked at me as she pulled the car into my parent’s old driveway. Meghan had insisted that I stay there while Broderick and company were gone, and now, her car was sitting in the driveway. I guess she was home.

“Well,” I sighed. “The truth is, I was eighteen years old in 2019, and a guy but I bugged this Fae girl to dominate me, and she did, and accidentally left me to clean her house for eleven years and turned me into one of them. Now I’m immortal, and instead of being a 35 year old guy I have the body of a 12 year old girl. Wild, right?”

There was a long pause and a pregnant silence in the car, and then, finally, Ashleigh burst out laughing. I joined in momentarily before her phone rang and she lifted it to slide the ‘answer’ button.

“That’s good, that’s real good,” She snickered just before holding the phone to her ear. “Hello?”

I sat quietly for a moment and tuned into the conversation at the other end of the phone. It was in this moment I realized that the Fae had extremely good hearing.

”Did you leave a shirt on top of the washing machine?” I recognized the voice as that of her roommate. I craned to listen a bit more.

“Uh, yeah,” She said. “I need to wash it after you guys get done with your clothes.

“What did I tell you about leaving clothes on the washing machine?”

“I’m going to wash it when I get home, you guys were just doing laundry and-“

“You know what? You do things like this because you don’t care. You don’t care about ANYONE but yourself. I let you live in my home, I let you use my kitchen, I let you use my laundry room. The least you could do is say thank you.”

“Thank you,” She said quietly and flatly. “I’ll take care of the shirt when I get home.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Her roommate said sharply. “I already threw it away. I’m going to throw ANYTHING that you leave laying around away from now on.”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” She said. “I won’t do it again.”

“I wish I could believe you,” The phone clicked, the line was dead. Ashleigh held it out in front of her and hung up, her face grim for a moment.

“Okay,” She said, smiling at me. “You ready to get these groceries in the house?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “Let’s go.”

I opened my eyes, though I don’t know why I bothered. It was the same room, every day. The same white walls, the same tall barred window, lined with steel lattice just in case I somehow managed to squeeze my way through the iron verticals. A white tile floor, a white bed, everything white. At least they’d unstrapped me from the bed. Why was I here? What had I even done? As I surveyed the white plaster ceiling I remembered my father’s words. “You’re no son of mine,” He’d said. How fucking cliché. I couldn’t tell you why he hated me so much. Well, I could, but does it really matter? How long had I been in here? Day? Years? Months? What time was it, even? I listened carefully, heard attendants making their way up and down the hall outside, the soles of their rubber shoe clapping noisily and squeaking against the tile. Everything here was so sterile. So sterile. How I longed for a carpeted floor, a poster on the wall, music from my old transistor radio. My wandering thoughts were interrupted by the sound the latch outside opening with a rude slam, the attendant, Michael appeared in the doorway carrying the daily offering of medication on a tray with a plastic cup of water. They couldn’t trust a glass in here. Everything plastic, or cardboard.

“Good morning, Alexander,” He said, stepping into my room. My cell. “Got your medication here, you promise not to bite me this time?”

“No promises,” I said, no emotion tainting my voice. I had none to give anymore.

“Now now, any funny business like that and I might just have to have you sedated again,” He lectured. I think he enjoyed his job way too much.

“No trouble from me,” I reassured him. He handed me the pills and I took the cup of water from the tray. He stared at me intently as I placed them on my tongue and gulped the water. After I laid the empty cup back on the tray, I extended my tongue to satisfy that I hadn’t simply stowed the capsules beneath it.

“Did you hear?” He said as he walked from the room. “We beat those Ruskies at their own game, they call it Vanguard One – Sputnik can go fuck itself.”

I would be alone for the rest of the day. Or at least I though. As I started to lay back down, I noticed a man, dressed in some sort of leather shirt and pants sitting in the corner farthest from me. He was sat on a chair, his back arched forward, his chin resting on his doubled fists, surveying me.

“Hello, Alexander,” The man spoke slowly, with purpose.

“What’s this? Am I finally losing my mind?” I asked, only partially joking.

“I think that ship sailed a while ago,” The man replied, standing up and making his way over toward my bed, stopping only a few feet from me.

“You here to kill me then?” I asked. “Get it over with, you’d be doing me a favor.

“Your attendant already did,” He told me. “The pill he gave you, a gift from your father.”

I paused for a moment.

“That’s a shame, I was having so much fun living my life,” I stretched my hands out and gestured to the room. “Who are you?”

“I’m here to get you out,” The man said very matter of factly. “If you’re ready to go, that is.”

I snorted.

“Even if you had a way out,” I said. “My father would have you locked up like me, or killed, whoever you are. He can’t have a disgrace like me wandering around dragging the family name, or so he says. The moment I went for hormone treatment, he knew about it. Had me dragged right out of my apartment. Says he gave birth to a son, not some tranny. Maybe he’s right.”

“You’ve suffered quite enough,” The man said. “A thousand years worth of it, I might guess.”

“Come again?” I glanced up, raising an eyebrow. In my stomach I could feel a dull pain starting to emanate from the pit, lurking its way outward. Had I really been poisoned? Good.

“You’ve lived many lives, Alexander,” The man told me. “You fought at the battle of Culloden, you marched alongside Napoleon, you served as a handmaid to the Queen of Scots. You’ve done many things, though the one thing you never had was children, curiously enough. You’ve had a time of it, and now it’s time to come home. My name is Broderick, and I’ve come to guide your soul home.”

“Broderick?” I said. “I knew a man named Broderick onc—”

I stopped short. What was I remembering? A torrent of memories was rushing into my head all at once, as if a set of flood gates had been opened onto my very reality.

“Tell me,” I said, standing up, as hundreds of lives flashed before my eyes. “Why was I forced to live like this? In this body? Why would this happen to ANYONE? Why was I made to suffer like this? Why was I made a prisoner in my own body? What right do gods or angels have to condemn me?”

“We all have lessons to learn,” Broderick told me. “Now I want you to think, think hard. What is your name?”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Think hard,” He instructed again. “Tell me your name, the first thing that comes to your mind.”

I looked about the room, the white walls were becoming a little less suffocating, I was feeling lighter. I bit my lip and finally spoke.

“Angeline, my name is Angeline.”

“Welcome to the light, Angeline.”

“Angela?” I perked up a bit, turning and placing my hand on the steel tubing that comprised the rail of the wooden bridge. I saw the girl, her jet black hair coursing with the flow of the wind, her wedge heels clipping the uneven planks. She looked just like any other girl really, apart from the paleness and the deep blue eyes.

“Yes, I am, you must be Meghan,” I extended a hand, which instead of taking, she looked at warily and then glanced out, off the bridge and out to the river beyond. We’d agreed to meet at Frog Island Park as soon as I’d figured out where she was and had in fact confirmed that she still lived in the area.

“I’m sorry,” She said, shaking her head. “I don’t feel that comfortable being around you, you’re a Fae, I’m a vampire. We all know how these things usually go.”

“Are you afraid of me?” I smirked a little. Damn right she was, she should be.

“You said you have information about my brother,” She said stonily. “He disappeared when he was eighteen, right after he graduated from school. I cried for months. If you know where he is, I need to know, right now.”

“I’m going to be honest with you,” I sighed. “He…hasn’t had a great life since he disappeared. I…made a mistake.”

“What kind of mistake?” She demanded. I could see her anger rising, but I wasn’t too worried. In the daylight, vampires are about as strong as the average human. At night, it’s a completely different story. “Where is my brother? Tell me, now.”

“Okay,” I tightened my grip on the handrail. “I’m going to need you to calm down, first of all, your brother had a bad habit of asking women to dominate him, did you know that?”

“Uh, yeah,” She stifled a laugh. “He asked ME once.”

“What? Okay anyway, he asked me, a lot, and I always said no. One day, I got fed up with it so…I well, I gave him a very basic order to clean my house, over, and over, and over. I expected him to snap out of it within like a week, but…he didn’t.”

“How…long…did he clean for?” Meghan raised an eyebrow. “Please tell me it wasn’t for more than a few days.”

“Nine years and twenty-four months,” I said, blurting the words out as quickly as I could. “I promise you, he probably doesn’t remember most of it.”

“Eleven YEARS?!” Her expression changed from one of skepticism to pure rage. Without warning, she threw herself at me, wrapping her arms around me waist and dragging me to the ground. As soon my back slammed into the planks, she reared back, hissing as she raised a hand in the air, preparing to bring her hand down. I reached out and grasped her wrist before she could dig her nails into my throat. The moment I did, she attempted to bring her other hand down, which I easily grabbed as well. “Get off of me! Where the fuck is my brother?!”

“Calm down!” I hissed angrily as I lifted her off of me like a rag doll and planted her firmly on the deck while I towered over her. She was no match for me. “Your brother is fine, he’s alive, he’s been living in my house.”

“What, as your slave?! You still have him scrubbing your floors? I’ll kill you!”

“You are not going to kill me,” I said sternly, easily maintaining control of her as I held tightly to her wrists. “You are going to sit there and you are going to listen to me. I need to talk to you about your brother-“

“Let me go you cunt!” She shouted, thrusting her body forward and headbutting my leg. I sighed and lifted up on her wrists, flinging her as hard as I could from the bridge and watching her tumble into he water below. The current immediately seized her, dragging her downriver.

“Outstanding,” I muttered as I turned to my right and made my way toward the end of the bridge. Emerging into the parking lot, I crossed the blacktop quickly and made a beeline for the bathroom, a simple brick structure with a few stalls, and of course, mirrors. “I hope I don’t get randomly attacked in here.”

For a moment, I stared into the mirror and ensured that my makeup was still acceptable – it seemed to be okay. I shrugged and placed my hand to the mirror, using my mind to concentrate on the other bathroom that I knew was on the trail, about half a mile down the river. Within seconds I was standing inside that bathroom instead, and while the layout was exactly the same, it was thoroughly trashed with candy wrappers on the floor, graffiti on the walls, and what I was pretty certain was fresh urine near one of the stalls. I immediately walked toward the exit, emerging onto the trail and walking through the trees. There was a slight embankment, and then, just as I predicted, I found Meghan lying on the shore, gasping for breath and choking her lungs out as she tried to stand upright.

“Again,” I said to her. “I need to talk to you about your brother. Did he ever…act different?”

Meghan stopped choking for a moment and glared up at me. I raised an eyebrow.

“I…guess…he always acted a little bit feminine. He asked to try on one of my tops once,” Meghan brushed herself off as she stood upright and sort of snarled. “I thought it was a joke but later I noticed a lot of my stuff was…hung up…wrong.”

“That makes sense,” I nodded. “There’s something I really need to tell you. First of all, I want you to know that we’re training him, in everything. We’re teaching him to stand up for himself, we’re teaching him to fight, and we’re teaching him about the world he’s living in now. We’re not just going to leave him hanging, you understand?”

She nodded and stepped closer to me.

“There’s something else, isn’t there?” She asked. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“Your brother he’s…a Fae now. Not intentionally, but it happened, and there’s no going back, you understand?” Her expression changed, it was a mixture of confusion and relief. “And…he’s…he’s your sister now.”

“Excuse me?”

“Your brother was always a girl, her name is Jasmine now and…”

“I…actually that makes sense,” She interrupted me. “But…you’re taking care of hi- her, right? You’re taking care of her? That’s one thing that was always missing. Our parents…they treated her so horribly. They put so much emphasis on religion and…I remember them locking her in the bathroom and forcing her to pray for hours at a time…I remember…they did so many things to her. They…they just weren’t good parents, I…wish she’d had parents, or at least a mother, I really do. Please tell me you’ll take care of her.”

“Meghan,” I said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I have named myself her mother. You know well that it’s a real connection between two Fae. It isn’t just words. Her and I are connected now, forever. Her fate is my fate.”

“Thank you…” Meghan said, suddenly leaping forward and giving me a hug. “Thank you so much.”

“You, girl, what’s your name? Why you sleepin’ on my lawn?” A gruff voice stirred me to life as the world came to me through squinted eyes and my vision was flooded with rays of light filtered by a thick canopy of tree branches far overhead. My skull pounded from a trauma I couldn’t recall and my hand dug into dirt as I coughed and sputtered to life. “What’s your name little girl? You’d best be about answerin’ me!”

I raised a hand to my forehead and groaned, trying to remember, something, anything. My name was Michael. Michael Lewis, I’d just graduated North High School in Springfield Ohio, I was on my way to see Megan, my girlfriend. What happened? I was driving and now I was…what was going on?

“My name is Michael,” I said as I cringed and raised to a sitting position. “And this isn’t a lawn this is…this is the woods.”

“Michael? That’s a funny name for a girl ain’t it?” The man was aged, wrinkles and bags under his eyes painted a picture of experience and a tattered flannel shirt spoke of poverty. In his right hand he clutched a simple double-barreled shotgun, but it wasn’t pointed in my direction; he more held it as a walking stick. “That backpack next you says Makayla, you sure you’re not confused?”

I slowly moved my eyes to the left and rested them on a worn pink backpack that did indeed say Makayla, but why would he think it was my name? I was a guy, right? Just as the thought went through my mind, I saw my hand in front of me, a small, dainty hand with chipped but painted pink nails. What was going on? I instinctually began to look at my body; I was wearing jeans, so there was that, at least, but my white shirt was more of a low cut, like a girl’s. I was wearing a green flannel shirt, open, buttons on the left side, and most importantly, I could see ratty blonde hair protruding downward, resting against my chest. I touched it, ran my fingers along it. It was real, it was mine. This was impossible.

“Well if you’re done fondling yourself, Makayla, what say you get off the ground and come back to my house. We’ll get you some help,” The old man said as he scratched his gray mustache and then offered me a hand up. I took it. I wasn’t in any position to refuse help. My legs wobbled a bit as I rose, and to my utter shock, I didn’t even reach his eye level. Who was I? How old was I? I was Michael, right? I was just…I was just driving my car a few minutes ago. Megan, I wanted Megan. I was… “Don’t be leaving your backpack behind!”

The man was already well on his way. I scrambled, grabbing my backpack…no…THE backpack and slinging it over my shoulder. I stumbled after him calling for him to wait up. He didn’t listen. We tore through the tree line for about five minutes before coming to a clearing and crossing through a slightly more manicured lawn. A yellow house sat front and center next to a ramshackle shelter with a tin roof, large enough to house a lawn mower and an assortment of other items including a work bench. The yard wasn’t well taken care of, I dodged a motor and a tire as I followed him across, toward the side door of the house.

Through the door, the house smelled of age, we drywall, the odor of sweat and dirt, and a hint of natural gas from some heater off somewhere in the house. The area we entered was a small mud room, a set of stairs going up, a set going down to a basement I’d guess.

“I’d appreciate you takin’ your shoes off,” The man said. “Don’t know what all you stepped in out there, but don’t want you bringin’ it into the house, if it’s all the same to you.”

Using one foot to hold the other, I slipped out of the shoes and winced in pain at they slid from my feet and thudded softly against the vinyl tiled floor. My feet must have been broken out in blisters or…something. Why were they blistered? Had I been walking a lot?

“The name’s Zeke,” The old man said as he made his way up the brief set of stairs and into a kitchen. “This here is Shelby, she’s a boarder, just started staying with me last month or so, Shelby, this here’s Makayla. Found ‘er out in the woods sleepin’ with the animals.”

I looked to the kitchen table where the girl, Shelby was sat. She was gorgeous. Long, raven black hair, pale white skin, light freckles dotting her cheeks. She looked up at me almost indifferently.

“Doesn’t she have parents?” Shelby asked, tilting her head at me? “Looks like she can’t be much more than twelve, that one.”

I resented that, I was seriously eighteen years old. What the hell was going on here? No matter what it was, I had to get out of here. I had to get home. Where was home? Where was I right now? I lived in Ohio but how was I supposed to get there from here? Could I just go out the door and make a run for it? I probably wouldn’t survive long in the woods.

“Well girl?” Zeke asked, staring directly at me as he leaned his shotgun against the stove. “You got parents?”

“Hey don’t put that there!” Shelby said, raising her voice. “I’m about to cook dinner, I don’t need no gun layin’ around all willy nilly. You want me to blow my head off while I’m stirring the soup?”

“Shelby you’re all drama,” Zeke muttered as he moved the shotgun to the corner of the kitchen. “If you blow your head off stirrin’ soup I don’t know what to tell ya.”

“Do you…maybe have a phone I can use?” I asked. “Maybe I could call…my parents.”

I was really going to call Megan.

“So you do got parents then?” Shelby smirked. “They know you’re off takin’ naps in the woods?”

“I…don’t think so,” I shrugged.

“Maybe you ought get washed up first,” Zeke suggested. “You look like you’ve been through it.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. I wanted to see what I looked like anyway. Zeke pointed toward a hallway over to the left, behind the kitchen table. I set the backpack down and shuffled over, around the table very aware that both of them had eyes on me. I ignored it and rushed down the hallway, stumbling into a bathroom and flipping the light on. I heard the incandescent bulbs buzz, one of them burning out the moment it illuminated. I breathed heavily as I rested both palms against a shitty particle board vanity and stared into the sink. I needed to look up into the mirror. I needed to see what I looked like, who I was. Surely I was Michael. I was going to look up, and that sandy haired boy was going to be looking back at me. That’s what was going to happen.

I took a deep breath and tightened my grip on the counter, feeling the veneer dip a bit beneath my fingertips. Slowly and carefully I raised my head until it was level with the mirror and stared. Behind the glass a girl stared back at me. She was young, 12 or thirteen if I had to guess. Her blonde hair was matted, hanging past her shoulders, and her lips were chapped, split. She’d been through it, just ask Zeke said, but been through what? I reached a small, tender hand to my face and ran it along my cheek. I was real alright, whoever I was. No, I was Michael, I wasn’t Makalya. I was Michael. Michael. Michael. Come on, I had to keep saying it to myself. I was Michael. God dammit what was going on? I reached toward the sink and turned a cheap plastic handle, causing water to spurt forth from the faucet. It splattered against the basin. It smelled like rotten eggs. Cringing, I cupped my hands and filled them with the putrid, but clear water and splashed it against my face. I recoiled at the smell but it felt so good. I rubbed my eyes and tried to smooth my hair out a bit. Maybe I should take a shower; was that even allowed? I looked back toward the shower, I really wanted to wash up, I felt like…ugh…I don’t know what I felt like. Even more importantly, who the hell was I? Did anyone have an answer? Almost on cue I heard something, the sound of a phone ringing, a cell phone? It was coming from my pocket. Confused, I reached toward my pants pocket, sliding my fingers in and wrapping them around the device. I pulled it from my pocket and looked at the blue screen. It was an unknown number. Whose phone was this? Who was calling me? I looked around the bathroom, almost as if I was trying to find some kind of clue.

“Oh my god, Michael,” I growled at myself. “Just answer the damn phone.”

An uneasy feeling intruded the depths of my stomach as I slid the ‘answer’ button to the right and held the phone to my ear.

“Hello?” I said timidly. I had no idea what to expect. There was silence. A really long, eerie silence. The speaker crackled, I could hear breathing at the other end. “Hello?”

“Did you make it?” A raspy voice asked me.

“What? Did I make what? Who is this?” I hissed. There was no answer. I asked again, still no answer. Finally I took the phone away from my ear and looked at the screen, it was dead. What the hell? I held the power button and waited. The screen flashed to life for a brief second, showing a dead battery icon, and then nothing. Black again. I needed a phone charger. Maybe Zeke had one. I flipped the phone over, it was a ZTE Android phone, kind of a cheap model but I guess it would get the job done – whatever the job WAS.

“Okay,” I said. “Off to find a charger.”

Sliding the phone back into my pocket I quietly used the bathroom and exited back into the hallway. It was a bare hall; no pictures or anything hanging up on the walls, and I only passed one other room. Passing out of the mouth of the hall I emerged into the kitchen where Shelby was stood at the stove stirring stew beneath a yellow hood light, contrasted against the white lights of the kitchen and a backdrop of faded, peeling wallpaper. Zeke sat at the kitchen table, the shotgun apart as he cleaned it carefully with a series of brushes and fluids.

“Zeke, I done told you not to clean that thing at the table,” Shelby said. She shook her head but didn’t turn or make a move to stop him. It seemed like a tired argument that had been hashed out time and again. Maybe they were both sick of it.

“And I done told you you’re a boarder, guess whose name is on the deed?” Zeke replied without batting an eye. “I tell you what, lady.”

“Um, excuse me,” I interrupted. Shelby glanced back at me, Zeke didn’t glance up from his shotgun; the wisping of brush against barrel could be heard throughout the space, just above the boiling of the stew. “Do either of you…have a phone charger?”

“Phone charger?” Zeke said, disinterest tainting his voice. “You mean to say you’ve got one of them fancy cell phones?”

“Ain’t never charged a phone,” Shelby chuckled. “You must be one of them rich kids. Why you dressed like that then? Shouldn’t you be off riding in some fancy car or eating steak?”

That was a little ridiculous, it was a ZTE phone; it couldn’t have cost more than forty dollars. Then again, looking around I would say that $40 was probably the market value of this house.

“Well…” I said, forgetting the phone for a minute. “Do you…at least have a phone I can use?”

“Phone’s in there,” Zeke pointed to the living room. “Up on the stand where we keep the video tapes. Mind you don’t call long distance. I called the sheriff while you was washing up, he says he’ll have someone out here tomorrow to take you where you need to go. Till then you can sit tight here. I don’t got more than two rooms but you can make yourself at home on the couch. Just don’t touch nothin’.”

“Right,” I said. “Thank you.”

With that I turned and walked through the archway leading into the living room. It was probably the crappiest living room I’d ever seen; the couch was a three-cushion upholstered in faded wood camouflage, and there were a few wicker chairs accompanied by a recliner. In the center of the room a long wooden coffee table stood proud, though the paint was peeling and it had never been stained. I could see the outline of a moisture ring where someone had been setting a cup without a coaster. A wire rack beside the couch held paper magazines. Outdoor Life, Bowhunting, Field&Stream, Guns&Ammo. Nothing I would be interested in. Why were there paper magazines anyway? Did Zeke own a tablet? Oh, right, he didn’t even have a cellphone. Speaking of which, I located the phone sitting on the wooden cabinet at the front of the living room; it was an older style with a corded handset and a number pad. Easy enough; I’d seen one of these in a museum. I reached out and gripped the handset, pulling it off the receiver; as I held it up to my ear the buzzing of the dial tone rang out, nearly startling me into dropping the handset. I’d seen one of these used before but I’d never actually done it myself. Who the hell used a corded phone anymore? More importantly, who even kept one in their house?

I stared at the number pad and reached out, but then came to a startling realization: I didn’t know any phone numbers. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I’d owned a cellphone for most of my life, and who dialed numbers anymore? I set the receiver down slowly, then stood there, trying to remember Megan’s number. What was it? I needed to talk to her so badly, and I knew she would answer the phone if I could only remember the number. I heard Zeke click the shotgun back together in the kitchen, I heard Shelby turn the stove burner off with a click. I stared at the phone for another second and then my eyes wandered a bit to the left; a newspaper sat on the stand. I stared at the huge bolded headline for a moment. It read: ‘DID YOU MAKE IT?’. Did I make it? Did I make what? Then I read the subheading: ‘TURN THE PHONE ON, MICHAEL!’.

Turn the phone on. Turn the phone on. I touched my pocket for a moment and then shoved my fingers in, grabbing the ZTE phone and yanking it out. I held the power button again but this time, no battery icon. It was completely dead. How was I supposed to turn it on when it was dead? God dammit, what was going on?

“You know, you don’t clean up too well,” Shelby said. I jumped a bit and turned; she was standing in doorway, leaning against the archway with her arms folded. She was dressed in a pair of jeans and a purple cami with this thin black sweater that reached down to her knees, almost like a bathrobe but definitely not. My eyes caught her jet black hair again, the left side held tightly in place with a purple barrette to compliment her pale white freckled face. I swear if the circumstances had been different, I might have been in love. The circumstances weren’t different, I had to get out of here. “Soup’s on, if you’re hungry. You’re gonna be here all night, less you plan on taking a walk into town, about five miles thataway.”

She pointed to the east, I guess the direction of town, whatever town that was. It suddenly occurred to me that I wanted to ask where we were, what town, but that would sound a little weird, wouldn’t it? Suddenly an idea occurred to me. The newspaper behind me, it had to have the city name, or if I were lucky, even the town name.

“Alright,” I said. “I’ll be right in.”

Shelby stared at me for a brief second with her piercing, pale blue eyes and then nodded. She unfolded her arms and turned, walking back into the kitchen. I heard her mutter something to Zeke about keeping that ‘stupid shotgun off the table’. I closed my eyes deeply and drew a deep breath, turning back toward the stand. The newspaper was still there but the headline now read: ‘Timothy J. McVeigh Sentenced to Death for Oklahoma City Bombing’. Who the hell was that? It wasn’t important. I looked to the top of the paper: Bartville Courier. Okay, Bartville, where was that? Oh, there, right below it said: ‘Kentucky’s Finest News Source’. Okay even if I were in Kentucky, ‘Finest news source’ was probably a stretch.

So I was in Kentucky, and I was a girl named Makayla. This wasn’t right at all. A few hours ago I had been Michael, I’d been driving to see my girlfriend, in Ohio. She’d moved, I had been using my iPhone to navigate to her house. The night before I’d played World of Warcraft, Battle for Azeroth. Come on, Michael, try to remember! It was like my memories were getting fuzzy, but why? I had to figure this out and most importantly, I had to turn this stupid phone on, somehow. I kept thinking about the message in the headline: ‘Did you make it?’. What was it talking about.

“Little girl, you goin’ for this soup or can I have your share?” Zeke called out from the kitchen. I sighed. Right now, I had no choice but to eat.

“Shelby where’s today’s paper?” Zeke asked as I sat down at the table in front of a white ceramic soup bowl.

“In the god damn living room where you left it, by the phone,” Shelby said, her voice stretched and irritated.

“Now don’t be mouthin’ off with me,” Zeke said angrily as he raised the spoon to his mouth and sipped the broth.

“Shut it old man,” Shelby took a seat. “If I leave whose gonna make your soup for you?”

“Um…excuse me,” I interjected. They both stopped eating and stared at me as if I were a monk breaking a vow of silence. I removed the phone from my pocket and set it on the table. “I really need a charger for this, do either of you have a micro USB cable?”

“A micro WHAT?!” Zeke shook is head. “Little girl, you’ll have all kinds of time to play games once you get back to civilization. You don’t need none to get you through the night.”

I looked at the phone, confused. Yeah, I guess it could probably play games but he knew it was a phone, right?

“I…just need to make a call,” I said, pointing to the phone. “If I can get it charged-“

“We know what a Gameboy looks like,” Shelby smirked. “And we know it don’t make no calls.”

I stared incredulously at both of them. They really had no idea what a phone looked like. What was even going on here? I slid the phone back into my pocket and watched both of them return to their soup. I sipped mine slowly; it was okay, nothing great. I suddenly wished I were back home. My mom would have been making meatloaf tonight. I loved her meatloaf. Did I have a mom anymore? Was any of my other life real? Maybe now wasn’t the best time to be asking myself those questions.

“Yeah, you’re right,” I shrugged. “So what happens tomorrow?”

“Sheriff’ll come and gather you and your things,” Zeke informed me. “Then you’re no worry of mine no more.”

“I didn’t mean to be a worry,” I said. “The last thing I remember is-“

“You can zip it right there,” Shelby said with a tone of complete and utter disinterest. “Everyone round here, they got a story, and it’s always the same, ‘poor me’ and ‘why me’, and all that other crap. Best you keep your story to yourself cause we already heard it, I know for sure.”

I chewed over that for a moment and realized that they were probably right. I didn’t even know my story, why would they want to hear it? What did I even know so far? I’d woken up in the woods, I knew my name was Makayla, I knew these people were friendly, but they’d never seen a cell phone in their lives. I was in Kentucky but how far away from civilization was I?

“When you’re done with that soup you can go sit and watch TV,” Zeke suggested. “Might help you pass the time, but if the sheriff can’t come get ya’ by tomorrow you start earning your keep around here, you hear what I’m saying’ to you?”

“Why wouldn’t the sheriff be able to come?” I asked, frowning. I didn’t want to stay here any longer than I had to, it’s not that Zeke and Shelby were bad people, but more that I wanted to get back to my own life. I wanted to see Mega.

“Because the sheriff’s busy,” Zeke said. “And you’re just one person. There’s a TV guide in the livin’ room, you can flip through it, see if there’s anything you like.”

A TV guide? What was that? I was more than a little confused; in my entire life I had never really watched TV – there were a few shows I watched on my tablet but who really had time to sit down and watch TV these days? Old people?

“What’s uh…what’s a TV guide?” I asked, a little embarrassed that I had to inquire about something that was obviously common knowledge in this house. Zeke stared at me hard.

“Were you raised by wolves or something?” He asked me. I couldn’t tell if he was serious or not.

“We’ve got more bobcats than wolves round’ here,” Shelby interjected helpfully. “She was prolly carried off as an infant and taught to hunt. Maybe we can use her to get better stew ingredients next time.”

“I…I wasn’t raised by wolves,” I said, though I felt like I was being particularly unhelpful. “You know…I’m actually not that hungry…”

“Suit yourself,” Shelby shrugged. “More for me I say.”

“For me,” Zeke said as he snatched the bowl from in front of me. I excused myself to watch television in the living room. I spent some time flipping through channels, coming across a few odd movies that I didn’t know the name of, and some that were obvious thanks to the TV guide. ‘All American Ninja’ and ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ were on but they didn’t catch my interest. I landed on a news channel that claimed scientists had cloned a sheep named Dolly but I couldn’t figure out if the sheep was Dolly or if the clone was Dolly. I was rapidly losing interest in the shows; I needed to get out of here. I needed to get that phone working. Maybe I should start walking. I could get to the road, maybe hitch hike my way into town, maybe even get back home to Ohio. Except…I still looked…like this. How could I even begin to explain to my parents or even Megan that I was actually Michael? This was a disaster of epic proportions.

At some point during the evening I dozed off, only to be awakened by the sound of rain. I opened my eyes to a flash of lightning outside and immediately sat up, straight as a rod. The lightning outside the bay window had been brief, but in that instant of light I swore I could see a shape; a human being stand there just beyond the glass, staring at me. I stared at the window wide eyed, trying to recall the shape I’d just seen. Had it had a face? What was it doing? No, I couldn’t remember. All I could recall was that shape stood against the night like a silhouette cutout. A half-realized apparition. I could feel my skin growing cold, clammy, my stomach knotted. I had to get out of here. I couldn’t stay here. I immediately stood from the couch and looked around in vain, no sign of either Zeke or Shelby; it must have been late at night, they were long tucked way in their beds. Nice of them to just leave me half sprawled out on the couch, remote in hand. The TV was still on, but it had lost signal long ago, the screen was shimmering with black and white static, no sign of the previous transmission. If I had been in any kind of coherent state, I might have stopped to wonder why they were using an analogue CRT television but such thoughts were far from my mind as I bounded aimlessly through the living room and down the kitchen stairs. The door at the bottom was locked, but that was easily remedied and I quickly tore through the threshold, plummeting headfirst into the dark of night amidst a torrent of lightning strikes that ripped across the landscape, illuminating the trees at the edge of the property like monsters, looming against the backdrop of night and waiting to reach out and take me. I had no choice, my fight or flight instinct was telling me to fly and I had no idea what I was so afraid of until another lightning strike illuminated the patch of land in front of me and I saw it again; a shape, like a human. Tall, skinny, but not moving. It was facing me, that much I could tell, and it was no more than ten feet from me. I screamed and backpedaled, falling off balance and slamming my posterior into the soaked ground with a splash. Kicking my legs, I slid backwards, through the mud and regained my footing.

Once again on my feet I used all my willpower to propel myself toward the treeline as another lightning strike revealed yet another humanoid shape just feet from me, still standing, still staring through unseen eyes that shredded through my thin exterior and directly into my bared soul. I think I screamed as I reached the treeline and penetrated the forest but there was no one around to hear me. Above the wind, rain, and thunder, I couldn’t even hear myself. I simply ran, and ran, and ran. I dodged roots, trees, tripped over rocks and gasped as the wind seared my face, even through the thick forest.

I couldn’t run forever, eventually I stopped, pressing my back against a tree as I caught my breath. I held a hand to my chest, feeling my pounding heart through my soaked shirt. Cold, numb fingers worked their way down to my pocket, checking to see if the phone was still there. I could feel the rectangular outline beneath the material; still there. If I could get into town maybe I could find a charger. Maybe I could find out who I was, why I was here, and most importantly how the hell I could get back to being Michael. Who was Michael anyway? Was that ever really me?

“I see you, Michael!” A voice pierced the darkness. My eyes darted around as my fingers grasped the bark behind me. “I know what you’re after, and it’s not going to work!”

I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn’t force myself to make a sound. Instead I pressed my back harder and harder against the trunk of the tree, maybe hoping to disappear into it.

“You can’t save her!” The voice shouted again. “It’s finished, and so are you!”

I breathed heavily, listening to the sound of raindrops slamming against the pools of water forming on the forest floor. Could I bring myself to push off of the tree and continue my venture into the forest? No, I couldn’t. I can’t describe the fear I felt, it was overtaking my entire body, a crushing feeling that cemented me to that spot. My legs were lead, my body was shaking from the cold. Please, god, let it stop. I shouldn’t have left the house. I shouldn’t have…oh God. I was Michael. My name was Michael, my name was—”

In an instant the forest was gone, I woke up on the couch, shooting straight up into a sitting position and gasping for breath. The first rays of the bright morning sun assaulted my senses through the bay window and sweat permeated my body.

“Sheriff’s on his way,” Zeke said as he strode into the living room, once again dressed in flannel, but this time without the shotgun. “You might wanna get some breakfast in ya, eggs on the stove.”

What the fuck was going on?

“Girl, this is the sheriff,” Zeke said, motioning toward the uniformed man near the front door.

“So I can see,” I said. “My name is-“

“Makayla,” The sheriff said. “They told me all about you, nappin’ in the woods like you owned the place. They’re gonna love you down at CPS, or whatever is it they’re callin’ themselves these days.”

“They change their name again?” Shelby said, shaking her head as she glanced up from her magazine at the kitchen table.

“Mayor keeps insisting they change it,” The sheriff said snidely. I could quickly tell that he was no fan of the mayor.

“Garron needs to mind his business,” Zeke said curtly. “’fore he stick his hand somewhere it don’t belong.”

“Probably already has,” The sheriff spat. “Alright young lady, you ready to head up yonder? Daylight’s burnin’.”

“I just need my-“

“Backpack,” Shelby said, finishing my sentence for me. She stepped from the table and passed me the pink backpack that had my name stitched on the rear pocket. No, that wasn’t my name. My name was Michael. I think. I needed to remember that. I wasn’t Makayla, I was Michael. Wasn’t I? I took it in my hand and slung it over my shoulder, taking one last look at the kitchen before I walked toward the sheriff who was already ushering me out onto the porch.

“You take care now!” Shelby called out after me. “Hope to never see you again!”

“Hope so too,” I muttered. I hoped to never see this place again period. I needed to get home. I needed to figure out how to get back to Ohio, and getting out of this hole in the wall was the only way I could do that. I passed through the threshold onto the rickety old porch, the planks flexed and creaked beneath my feet as I made my way forward, past the old peeling swing and down the brief steps leading to a patchy, dying lawn. The sheriff’s car was parked in the driveway, catching the morning sun and reflecting it back in a blinding manner. It was like walking toward the sun and as I came closer I noticed that it was an older car, a Dodge Polero I think, one of those cars that you’d see cops driving around in the 70’s. The second thing I noticed was how clean it was. The exterior had been waxed recently, light glinted off of the chrome mirrors and apart from some mud on the tires, it looked perfectly new. If I’d been thinking clearly, then I probably would have realized just how strange that was for a small town.

“In you go,” The sheriff said as he approached me from behind. With his right hand he indicated the passenger side of the car. My tattered shoes crunched against pea gravel while I crossed the makeshift driveway and pulled the car door open. My backside connected with a hot leather seat and I laid the backpack across my legs. I could still feel the phone in my pocket. The useless, dead phone. God I just needed it to work, I needed to know WHY I was here.

The driver side door clicked open and the sheriff sat down, twisting the key in the ignition, bringing the engine to life with a roar. He was a middle-aged man, medium build with back hair, combed back and slicked. He popped his jaw a lot, I noticed that.

“Where are we going?” I asked while the car was put into gear with the switch of a shifter and we began to roll forward, down the gravel driveway and toward the treeline.

“County’s full up,” He said to me, keeping his eyes front and turning left, off of the gravel road and onto a paved, but very old looking back road. “Got a foster for you at Sunnyside Park until we find your parents.”

“You haven’t found them yet?” I asked, focusing on a pill bottle sat on the dash. The prescription label said “Miratran” in bold lettering. The shadows of leaves and light in between could be seen lightly reflected on the glass windshield. The car’s poor suspension barely absorbed the jolting of numerous potholes as we tore down the country road toward and unknown destination.

“Far as I hear,” He said. “You don’t know much more’n we do, waking up in the woods and all. Best you get settled for the long haul while we try to work it out.”

“How long will that take?” Not that it mattered, they could drop me off anywhere and I was just going to find a way back to Ohio. How hard could it be?

“Takes as long as it takes,” He shot back lazily. “Resources ain’t exactly runnin’ like milk and honey. This is Bartville. Maybe you shoulda landed in Lexington or Cumberland. At least they have money to work with. Nah I think we’ll do the best we can but you shouldn’t expect much unless you suddenly remember somethin’.”

I nodded. He had a point.

“So then who am I staying with?”

“Woman named Miriam and her daughter,” He explained to me. “They help out in situations like this. You’ll be just fine with them.”

I don’t know why but I felt more at ease, knowing that I would be staying with two women. I guess it beat the alternative. I closed my eyes for a moment to shut out the repetitive woodland scenery that seemed to go on into infinity. Exhaling again, I opened my eyes and noticed the slightest beginnings of a headache forming just behind my brow and the roar of the road beneath the car chassis wasn’t helping.

“Hey-“ I started to say, but I didn’t get to finish the sentence. All at once the windshield ahead of us spiderwebbed and the sheriff’s head burst in an explosion of crimson liquid. The car accelerated as his foot slammed against the accelerator in a reflexive death throe. I screamed, or at least I think I screamed as the car lurched forward, tearing through the woods, but eventually succumbing to a sharp turn that it would never make. The front bumper connected with a dirt embankment ahead, and I briefly lost consciousness as my head smashed into the dash ahead. I came back quickly, only to be greeted by a splitting headache and the sigh of blood on the dash. Was it my blood? God there was a lot of it. How was I still alive?

Around me I could hear the roar of the engine as the dearly departed sheriff’s foot bore down on the gas pedal and the wheels outside spun against dirt and pavement. My head still spinning, I happened to glance into the passenger side mirror and could make out the faint outline of someone making their way toward the car. They were a good distance away but I could see the outline of a rifle slung over their shoulder. I cursed and reached for the door handle, I tried but the door itself wouldn’t budge. I pulled again, and again, and again as the man drew closer. As a last ditch effort, I yanked on the handle and threw my shoulder into the door. It gave, but so did I. I tumbled from the car and collapsed into a pile on the asphalt, my backpack dropping on top of me, and the car tires spinning mere feet from my bleeding skull.

I didn’t waste time looking back, I forced myself to my feet and fought the dizziness that was overtaking me, running as fast as I could toward the treeline. With the backpack over my shoulder I crawled hand over hand up the embankment, propelling myself with my feet with the loose dirt constantly giving way beneath them. With a cry, I finally reached the top of the embankment and dragged myself over the edge, working my way through dead leaves and pulling my hair through the soft dirt. The next second I was back on my feet, listening to my shoes pound against the forest floor, through exposed roots, over dead leaves, and dodging the occasional briar patch. I breathed heavily, more and more as I pushed through. I wasn’t in good shape, not in this body. When I’d been Michael I’d been in great shape; an athlete. I’d run track, I’d played football – what the hell had this girl done? Yeah, that was good, I was still remembering who I was. I was Michael, not Makayla. Behind me I heard a crack, a gunshot. The tree trunk closest to me burst into a rain of splinters. Jesus Christ, what was he carrying? In my panic I tripped over a branch and sprawled forward, hurtling across the forest floor and yelping aloud as my wrist folded in on itself. It was sprained. In a panic I used my good hand to raise myself up but I failed, and slammed back on to the ground. It was no good, he was going to catch me. Nevertheless I tried again but my body ached and screamed at me for even daring to use it. All of the adrenaline in the world wasn’t going to save me here. Finally, I flipped over onto my back, staring up at the man who was now mere feet from me. He stared at me with a scarred, dirty face, his body clad in brown coveralls. He towered over me and brought the gun to bear, aiming it carefully at my head. This was it, this was how I died.

“You really thought it would be this easy?” The man said, quietly shaking his head. What would be this easy? What was he talking about? Before I could contemplate that question too much, another gunshot rang out from elsewhere in the forest. The man jerked and stumbled backward once before collapsing to the ground, three thuds. His body, his head, his gun.

“Get up!” A female voice screamed. A new pair of footsteps clamored over to me, I felt a hand wrap around my arm and practically drag me to my feet. In front of me stood a beautiful woman, maybe in her late twenties, perhaps very early thirties. Light brown skin, black hair piled around her shoulders. “Where’s the backpack?”

“What? The backpack?” I stuttered and looked around. It was nowhere to be seen. Had I dropped it somewhere? I must have dropped it.

“God dammit Michael!” She screamed, taking both of my shoulders in her hands. “If you had the backpack this could be over right now! Where is it?! You need to stick to the plan!”

“Plan?!” I screamed back. “What plan?!”

“Jesus fuck you don’t remember anything?!” She stepped back and stared at me, her eyes wide in shock and terror. “Okay, okay, shit. Okay. I need you…I need you to run in that direction. Just keep running, don’t look back. I’m going to find the backpack.”

She practically pushed me in the direction she wanted me to go. I stopped short and stared at her.

“What’s in the backpack?” I demanded. “What’s all this about? Who am I? Where am I?”

“Look Michael, I don’t have long, if I don’t find that backpack in the next five minutes we’re going to have to start over and I don’t know how long it’s going to take. Okay? Just run in that direction, you’ll know where you’re going when you see it!”

“Okay fine,” I said, resigned. “Just…one thing!”

“What?!” She demanded as she surveyed the woods around her, looking for the fallen backpack.

“Who are you? What’s your name? Fuck! Why are you here?”

“My name is…Aleah,” She said. “And I’m here because I picked the wrong side, and now everyone’s paying for it. RUN!”

Twigs snapped, feet pounded, the forest whizzed by in gasps as I dodged from tree to tree, palms outstretched to make sure I didn’t plant face first into a trunk. Aleah said I’d know it when I saw it. What was I looking for? I inhaled as I ran, forest air scraped through my throat and barely inflated my lungs. I thought the endless expanse of trees and briar patches would extend forever, but I was wrong. It ended. I burst into a clearing, stopping short as if I’d just found myself on the edge of a cliff and pressing my hands to my knees as I bent over in exhaustion. I coughed and gagged toward the grass below me as I tried to catch my breath, only looking up ahead after a full minute or two. There was a building there, maybe two hundred yards away. It was big, made from red bricks beneath a black metal roof. Around it I could see playground equipment, a rusty swing set, the seats rotted from their chains long ago. A jungle gym that had once stood level but was sinking into the ground at an awkward angle.

“Don’t go in there,” I whispered to myself. Everything within me was telling me to stay out of that building; the dread building up in the pit of my stomach was almost too much to overcome but I couldn’t just stand here and I couldn’t keep running – I needed to hide from whatever was coming. I had to stay alive, for Aleah. Why for Aleah? What was special about her? I’d just met her, for the first time? I had to go, had to go. I forced myself forward, raking the overgrown grass beneath my feet and propelling myself toward the back door of the school. The sound of my footsteps changed as I transitioned from hard dirt to pea gravel and then to asphalt. The playground blacktop had seen years of use; cracks had formed and weeds had sprung up. Nature in defiance against man’s attempt to seal it out. Nature always wins.

My hand slammed against the doorframe while with the other I grasped the metal handle and tried to pull it open. Nothing. Shit. Right. I pushed on the release just above the handle and heard a click as the latch released. Throwing the door open, I hurled myself inside and slammed it behind me, pressing my back to it and breathing heavily in a hallway filled with red lockers. Beside me, daylight shone through the slit of a window just above the door handle, segmented by the wire lattice embedded in the glass. So far, other than being abandoned, there was absolutely nothing strange about this school, in fact it was a lot like one I’d attended years ago. I felt a little more at ease stepping away from the door and passing through the row of lockers, the only company being the sound of my footfalls against checkered tile.

At the end of the hall I came to a curved incline on the floor leading down into a sort of lobby area. To my right were a set of bathrooms, to my left, a trophy case. The case, mounted on the wall was filled with dusty awards for basketball, football, even cheerleading. I squinted in the darkness, trying to read one of the engravings:

Kentucky Middle School Basketball Champions
Chippenwood Middle School
1967

As I started to examine the other trophies, I stopped short hearing a noise from behind me. A soft click, like a pencil bring dropped. A normal sound but in this place it rang out like a beacon. It was trouble. I slowly turned around, the hair on the back of my neck rising, my hand trembling as I set my sights on the direction of the noise: the boy’s bathroom. The entrance sat at the bottom of the curved incline, just before the lobby area. It had no door; the frame held indents for hinges, but it had been taken down and carried off long ago.

“Hello?” I called out as I made my way toward the entrance. I probably shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have even been walking toward the door; I just felt…compelled to do it. I don’t even know how to explain it. Before I knew it I was passing right through the steel doorframe, emerging into a dark tiled hallway. Up ahead was a turn, probably leading into the bathroom itself. I took it slowly, running one hand along the tile as I moved forward toward the opening. It didn’t take long, I found myself standing at the mouth of the bathroom entrance, and my anxiety couldn’t have been higher. The cramped hallway was safe, I knew what was in it. The bathroom beyond was an open space, anything could be lurking behind the corner. I should run, I should do something, anything other than being in this building. Why had I come in here anyway? Nevertheless, against all my better judgement I pushed forward, slowly peeking around the corner. It wasn’t completely dark in here; there were a set of windows high up, just wide enough to illuminate a portion of the bathroom in a dull light. Four of the window panels were intact, one was covered in electrical tape with only a few dots of light poking through. I returned my attention to the room ahead of me. In the center of the floor I saw the pencil that had fallen, sitting against the bare concrete floor, the light from the overhead windows bathing it. A yellow #2 pencil, nothing special.

The bathroom seemed empty so I moved forward, painfully aware of every sound I made. My feet on the concrete, the rustling of my pants, the brief sliding of my hand off of the hallway partition. The room was dead silent, not even the sound of water dripping from the sinks. Had the pencil just dropped? How long had it been there? Why was it there? All at once, and to my utter surprise, the lights came on, white washing the room in fluorescent light. The yellow and white tiles blinded as I cried out and stumbled backward against the urinal.

“Hey hey, look at that, it’s Makayla!” A voice goaded. I looked up, straight ahead, it was a boy, about Makayla’s age, maybe a little older. “You know what my dad told me? He said you like girls because you ain’t never had a man inside you!”

The boy began to laugh. I pressed against the urinal and looked to my left, toward the exit. It was like riding one of those tilt-a-whirls at the fair, my body felt like it was pressed against the wall, the room was spinning as the boy continued to laugh. I screamed as he walked toward me.

“I bet you’ll change your mind, when you’ve had me,” He said, a devilish grin on his face. “Maybe your daddy will like you better when-“

The bathroom went dark again, the boy disappeared. I exhaled heavily and dropped to the floor, hyperventilating as I sat just out of reach of the light streaming down from the windows. I wasted no time, I scrambled to my feet and fled from the bathroom as quickly as I could, bursting out into the lobby area. On either side of me, a set of glass and steel doors, one leading back to the playground, the other leading to what looked like an abandoned parking lot out front. I should just go. I should just…I stopped short again, there was something laying on the floor in front of me, just down the hall leading from the lobby to yet another row of lockers. As I walked closer, I could see it was a book – no, a notebook. One of those gray composition notebooks. I moved closer, bent down and took it in my hands. The front of the book spelled out ‘Makayla’ in black sharpie, written in the ‘name’ section of the cover. Was this my notebook? No, it was Makayla’s. I was Michael. I would always be Michael, god dammit. I flipped through the pages, it was some kind of journal, I’d have to read through it later when I had better light.

“Hey!” A voice rang out from behind me, echoing loudly and rudely down the brick and tile hall. I spun around on my heel, keeping a firm grip on the journal. It was the man from the woods, the man that Aleah had taken down. He rested the grip of his rifle in the palm of his hand and slowly brought it to bear. “You thought you got rid of me, didn’t you?”

All of a sudden, the door to my left opened, Aleah stepped through and thrust the pink backpack into my arms.

“Hi,” She said, almost cheerfully. “We need to run now.”

Woodcrest Book #1: Trans-Ed