My entry in the Reader Retention contest.

~o~O~o~

Meghan sat at an empty table in Pizzagogo, her second favorite Italian joint. It was Derek’s first favorite, so meeting here was a concession to him, something to make him more comfortable. And she needed him to be comfortable for this date

At least, he would probably think of it as a date. She was sure he had no idea of the blow she was about to give him. Would it be a blow? People were more open minded and forward thinking these days. Perhaps there was more than a distant chance he would shrug his shoulders, smile, let the news roll away like water off a duck’s back, then say “I only love you more now.”

Riiiiight, Meghan thought, sipping on her cola and gripping her cell phone like a sprinter’s baton. I halfway believed my little fantasy there until I imagined he ‘said’ that. Don’t get your hopes up, Meg; in fact, the plan is to anticipate the worst scenario, remember? Then you can never be let down, and in fact you might even be pleasantly surprised.

She closed her eyes. Please, please let me be pleasantly surprised.

“Hey, Meggie! Are you falling asleep? Don’t tell me you got bored while waiting for me – I’m only 3 minutes late.” This statement came from a pair of lips that then kissed Meghan on the cheek.

Meg’s eyes opened and lit up with joy mixed with a little dread. Her lips, though, burst into an unconflicted beaming smile. “Derek! Hey there, lover!”

Simultaneously, at the Pizzagogo bar - 15 feet from Meg’s table - sat a large man. He was bulky and wide, especially at the shoulders, overweight but not obese . He sipped on a club soda; it was his Tuesday lunch break, so alcohol was a no-go. Besides, he needed to be alert and vigilant. As stealthily as he could, he glanced repeatedly at Meg and Derek. He couldn’t hear their conversation; instead he was monitoring their body language, especially Meg’s eyes. His silenced cell phone was in his left hand; he gripped it tight, so as to not miss any vibration.

A waiter promptly brought Derek a hot slice of double pepperoni Neapolitan pie. “I ordered for you so it’d be ready when you came in. That’s what you always get anyway,” Meg said.

“You amaze me as always, Meggie. So giving, and you anticipate my every need. I have never known a girl with the combinations of love, intelligence, and sexiness like I see in you.” Derek blew on his steaming lunch slice, then took a amall bite before continuing. “That’s why I asked if you could go with me to Shreveport this weekend. Speaking of which, are you able to go?”

Meghan took a deep breath. “You mean go there – to meet your parents.” Her face now took on a clearly anguished, uncertain look. “You know, Derek, that’s what a guy does with a girl when he’s thinking about marriage. Is that how serious you see us getting?”

“Well … yeah. Don’t you?”

Meg shook her head, then stopped, then slowly nodded. “Yes. God help me, yes I do. But it wasn’t supposed to get this far. I mean, we started as an exclusively sexual relationship. That’s all I wanted, someone to –“

“Fuck your brains out,” Derek whispered with a sly grin.

“Yeah,” Meg half smiled (she couldn’t help it). “I came to the club that night hunting for Big Stud Game and you were there – the biggest stud in the room. I walked right up to you and said …”

“If I don’t have you in my bed in the next 20 minutes I will die. Please save my life,” he finished. He laughed devilishly at the memory.

“That was so corny of me,” she blushed.

“But effective!” he replied. “Yeah, you were – you ARE – a wet dream come true. Always ready for sex! But after a while I began to want you with me outside the bedroom. So I asked you to the movies, to that jazz concert –“

“I remembered how pleasantly surprised I was to see you were a refined, cultured soul,” Meg sighed.

Derek went on – “the day at the lake, and camping that night under the stars. I’m in love with you, Meggie. I have never wanted to spend my life with any other girl; you are the fulfillment of my search for completeness. Yes, I was going to propose if Shreveport went well. So there goes that surprise. But I can tell by the way you look that you aren’t happy with all of this. What’s wrong?”

Meghan didn’t reply immediately. She was lost in rapt appreciation of this man she’d fallen in love with. He was gorgeous – 6 foot 1 inch high, his arm muscles all ripply and defined as was the rest of his body. A sexy, sparse amount of golden chest hair peeked through his partially unbuttoned work shirt. Clean shaven face, with an honest-to-goodness Kirk Douglas dimple on his chin. Piercing blue eyes. Blonde hair in a stylish undercut - short on the sides, long and combed back on the top. These were all the qualities that made her choose him as her sexual conquest three months ago in that club. And god, did he ever deliver in bed. He was the pinnacle of erotic desire. Except now she’d also fallen for his companionship, his soul, his personality, his tenderness, his sense of humor, his –

“Uhh … Earth to Meggie, come in Meggie,” Derek whispered. He looked quizzically at his date. She jumped slightly at being jolted out of her reverie; then, her face fell into a frown as she realized it was time to put it all on the table.

“Derek. Baby. We need to have a serious talk. So I need you to just listen to me for a few minutes, without interruption. Is that okay?”

Derek’s countenance became very serious. “Meggie - wouldn’t this be more appropriate where we have more privacy, like my place? The lunch crowd here is going to be deafening in a few minutes.”

“No. I need to do this in a public place. I’m afraid of your possible reaction; I’m afraid you’ll be so angry that you could even get… violent.”

Derek sat agape, his jaw hitting the floor. He had never threatened her – or any girl he’d been with.

“Honey,” she continued, “do you remember how I told you explicitly many times that I just wanted a physical relationship? The reason for that is I wouldn’t have to bring up my past. My past … well, most guys would feel it’s a deal-breaker for any potential relationship. I can’t believe I let myself fall in love with you, because now I must have this discussion that I never wanted to have with you.”

“Babe, “ he interrupted despite her earlier admonition, “it doesn’t matter. I don’t care what happened in your past. If you’re a convicted felon, or were a hooker, or a drug addict or axe murderer – none of that matters, because you aren’t any of those things now. ”

“It’s none of those things. It’s … worse. Not to me, and not to a lot of people, especially these days. But it will be with you, I’m afraid.”

“What could be worse than being an axe murderer?” Derek laughed. “I mean, are you an alien from Mars here with orders to abduct me? Even that would be okay as long as you were my personal abductor.”

Meghan was quiet, pursing her lips, waiting for his mental gears to grind more.

He continued to laugh. “I know you aren’t a transsexual. I’ve known some trannies; I can read all of ‘em – Adam’s apple, big shoulders, tall – maybe except for those Thai or Brazilian freaks that they start on hormones when they’re kids. I’ve seen every inch of your body, and you are an all natural born bona fide woman.”

Meghan remained still, silent and staring at Derek. Her brow furrowed. Her lip started to quiver. A tear ran down her cheek.

Her beau saw this, and ever so slowly his mood turned from jovial to shocked. Ever so slightly, his eyes narrowed in a clearly wounded appearance.

“Derek,” Megan choked out, “I have always been female in the places it really counts to me – my head and my heart. And for the last half-year, I’ve been female in all the places it should count to you. I’m one of the lucky ones – I pass without question, even though I’m Irish and not Thai or Brazilian. I know I could be a great wife to you, better than a lot of ‘natural born bona fide’ women. All you have to do is accept me, baby.”

Derek now looked sad yet irritated, shaking his head emphatically. “Meggie … if you want to break up with me, just tell me. Don’t give me a lie to make me leave you. I know you absolutely aren’t a tranny. I’ve seen you, every bit of you. You’re not full of silicone and implants; your voice is high and feminine. You’re 5’6” or something thereabouts, for Pete’s sake. Why are you wanting to split up?”

Meghan hung her head and shook it emphatically. “I don’t want to break up with you, Derek! I want to stay with you – and yes, I want to marry you! But I am a transgender woman – born with male parts, but female in my heart and mind!” She reached into her purse and pulled out her smartphone. “I thought this might be hard for you to accept. So – God, how I’m dreading this – here are some photos of myself before I started living full time as Meghan. These are from when I was living as a boy named Milton.”

The stunned beau flipped through the photos on her phone, his jaw rapidly dropping,

The bulky man at the bar held his breath. Derek’s face was turned away from him, but the young man’s body language obviously changed – arms and legs tense, torso arched backwards. The watcher’s body tensed also, readying.

Derek was now clearly angry. “You … lied … to me!”

“I didn’t tell you the truth about me. We were just supposed to have sex, then move on. I should have told you about me by the second date, at least.”

“You should have told me that first night before we left the club! I would have dropped you like a hot potato. Now I’ve lost three months of my life and you’ve torn my heart out!”

“Baby – let’s take 48 hours apart, and then connect by phone. Just please calm down, and think about this with a cooler head – “

“You think that will protect you, freak? In fact, do you still think that being in a public pizza joint will prevent me from slapping the hell out of you?” He raised his right hand and stood up suddenly, leaning across the table at Meghan. His right arm surged with power to give a stunning blow – yet the limb failed to move.

“Whoa there, buddy.” The voice came from behind Derek, as a large hand now held onto Derek’s wrist, rendering it ineffective. A second large hand gripped Derek’s left shoulder, and pushed down with strength, forcing him back into his seat. The angry auto mechanic twisted his neck around to see how many were restraining him.

It was only one guy, a big-shouldered refrigerator of a man. He continued to hold Derek captive in his chair. “I’ll let you go if you promise to control yourself.”

“Let the f*** go of me and mind your own f***ing business! I have an issue with this fag–” Derek pointed towards Meghan, but her seat was now empty.

“She’s gone, buddy. Did you a favor. Assault and battery ain’t chump change.” The big stranger leaned over and whispered in Derek’s ear. “For what it’s worth, you have a right to be angry. She didn’t intend to deceive you, but deceive you she did. So be angry. But leave her alone, or you’ll have me to deal with. Got it?”

Derek was still mad but a little more in control. “What, are you friends with that piece of sh-“

“GOT IT? … I require an answer to my question, bub,” the bigger man growled lowly while simultaneously squeezing his grips to the point of pain.

“Ow! Shit! Okay, okay, I got it! Now lemme go!”

In a remarkably quick motion for someone of his size, the stranger released Derek while simultaneously pulling a chair up next to him. He sat and faced his thinner companion. “Deep breaths. That’s it. Yes, I’m Meg’s friend, but I want the best for you too – and that means helping you keep your cool.”

Derek glared at him in a sideways glance. “So you obviously know what she – or what HE, what IT – is. Are you a lover she’s kept on the side? Or maybe a pimp? Or just a bleeding heart snowflake that thinks she ought to have her own special pronouns and piss in whatever public bathroom she wants? Meggie’s a freak, and so are you for protecting her.”

The big stranger sat there with calmness, patiently listening as Derek spewed his insults. Then he replied. “Yes, I know she is a transgender woman. No, I’m not a lover or a pimp or a snowflake. I’m just a friend. I’ve known Meg since junior high, when she was a pre-teen boy. She was unhappy as a boy even back then, but couldn’t get her folks to help her in any way.

“She’s a high quality, amazing human being who screwed up by not trusting you with her past from the start. So take some days or weeks to cool off and think it through. If you find you want her in spite of her past, go tell her and renew the special thing you guys had. If not, drop it, let her go and both of you get on with your lives separately.”

Derek shook his head in confusion. “She looks so real. How old was she when she started to change her body? I would guess - way before puberty, right?”

“Nope. She started her official transition 2-and-a-half years ago. Got her sex change surgery 6 months ago.”

“No way! I don’t believe you. She was an adult male? There is no way. Her body is too authentic! I know plastic surgery can do wonders, but not …!”

“The best I can explain it is that Meghan’s lucky. There are a few guys out there who, if they wanted to, would make great women physically. Most of those guys aren’t transgendered. I’m talking like, Elijah Wood – you know, Frodo. From the Lord of the Rings. Guys that are short and look like tweenagers when they’re really young adults. That was Meg’s blessing. And when she started hormones, her body just blossomed into the sexy knockout you know her as.”

Derek shook his head. “She’s not sexy to me anymore. You obviously think she is. You can have her.”

“Sorry, buddy. I’m happily married. She’s just a friend; I was here today to prevent her being beaten, in case you decided to get angry and physical. Which you did, unfortunately. So I had to step in.

“Now as far as bathrooms go, she obviously should go to the women’s room, right? But I feel you on the pronouns; I stick with he, she, them. The others confuse me, and I know I’ll mess it up if I try to use ‘em. By the way …”

The stranger extended his hand to a calmer, cooler Derek –

“- my name’s Rick. Good to meet you. Are you copascetic with my suggestions?”

Derek tilted his head. “What suggestions?”

Rick’s voice became subtly deeper. “Cool off for a few days or weeks. Then get back with her, or let her go. No stalking. No revenge.. Be angry all you want, but take it out on your pillow at home. No trolling on social media. Or else …”

“Or else I’ll have to deal with you, right?”

Rick smiled. “Glad we understand each other. Have a nice day now.”

With that, both men got up and left the joint, headed in separate directions.

~o~O~o~

To be continued tomorrow.

If you've gotten this far, please leave a comment! Don't make me reach through the computer screen and tweak your nose!

Thanks for reading!

My entry in the Reader Retention contest.

~o~O~o~

Rick stood at the apartment door, checking his phone to make sure he had the right unit number. He then knocked as he had been instructed to prior; four rapid beats, repeated two times.

Meghan opened the door. She nervously looked past the big man – not an easy feat – and then quickly motioned him to come in. “Did he follow you?” she whispered.

Now Rick’s left eyebrow rose. “Uh, Meg – he knows where you live, right? He doesn’t have to follow me. Still, I like the fact that you’re cautious – you’ll need to be that way for a while, I’m betting.”

“Oh Rick,” Meghan choked. She burst into hard sobs and buried her face in her hands. Her friend placed a big arm around her and produced a clean hanky, which she grabbed feebly.

Men are often uncomfortable around women experiencing intense sorrow; Rick was no exception in this situation.

“Hey,” he whispered, “do you have any girlfriends I could call to come be with you right now? I’m sure they could do a better job helping you.” And I didn’t tell Beth I was going to be here, and I need to be back to work in 17 minutes, he thought.

“Macie and I are on the outs right now. She didn’t like me leading Derek on either, even though she doesn’t know him from Adam,” Meg sniffed. “And all the other girls in our social group have sided with her. So I’m alone right now. This is so horrible; I almost wish …” She looked up at Rick with a needy, puppy-dog face. “Can you stay a little longer – wait. No. You need to go. I’ll be fine.”

Rick’s eyebrow rose higher. “You said you wish … what? Meg ... are you feeling like you wished you were dead?” he whispered.

Meghan hung her head and plopped down on the couch behind her. She whispered her answer to Rick without looking towards him. “Yes. Exactly. Right now I wish I was dead.”

“How would you accomplish that?”

“Getting dead?” She lifted her face as she rolled her eyes. “The car. I have an old vacuum hose in the closet that’s perfect. Slip it on the exhaust, funnel it into the inside, start the motor, come back inside, close the doors and lay back and go to sleep. No more pain.” Her weeping began to intensify.

Rick now was dialing a number on his phone. Then he put it to his ear and said “Hello. I need you guys to evaluate my friend. I’m afraid she’s considering killing herself.”

Meghan gasped and hissed at her friend. “What the hell – WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

He turned to the shocked girl. “You’re right, Meg. I do need to go. But first, the Suicide Hotline folks need to evaluate you.” He then gave the person on his phone a quick synopsis of the situation as Meg sat still, feeling perplexed and a little betrayed.

Rick turned and extended his phone to her. “She wants to talk to you.” Meg shook her head. “Look,” he sighed, “it’s either this or I take you to the emergency room.”

He now listened to his friend talk to the counselor. It sounded like she was open and honest about her feelings and plans; then, suddenly, Meg handed the phone back to him. “They want to talk to you again,” she said.

“Hmm. Yeah, I can do that. OK, I’ll call if there’s any trouble.” Rick hung up. “Well, Meghan, they feel okay letting you check in with a counselor by phone a few more times today and tonight, then seeing one in person tomorrow AM. And … I’m gonna need to take that hose. And you’re also gonna promise me - on a stack o’ bibles - that you will not hurt yourself. Not in any way. At least to tomorrow noon, when I’ll check on you again. Kapeesh?”

“I’m trying to get mad at you about this, Rick,” sniffed Meghan. “But somehow I feel really cared for. Thank you – I guess – for looking out for me.” She walked to the coat closet. “Here’s the hose. Take it.”

Rick did so, and smiled. “Now all we need are a stack o’ bibles.”

“Here,” Meghan said. “A couple of mini-bibles, well … tracts, really. I don’t know why I keep them around. They are the closest I have to the real thing.”

~o~O~o~

Rick opened her front door and turned to her. “Keep that promise. Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Okay. I gotta get back to work now, so-“

“Rick. Thank you so much for coming today. I’m at a bad point, socially, in my life. No one else would help me.”

“So, you called me last? I’m so honored,” he smiled.

“I would have been interacting with you all along, except I thought your wife would be against it. I don’t want to give you trouble in your home. Is she going to be mad at you for helping me?”

“Not if she doesn’t know about it. Our relationship right now is … complicated. We’re still committed to each other, but – um – separated. I’m living in an apartment for now.”

Meg’s jaw dropped. “Oh Rick. I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah. It sucks. Whatever. I really gotta go. Check on you by phone tomorrow, ‘kay?”

~o~O~o~

Rick closed Megan’s door and turned to walk down the hallway of her apartment complex - and suddenly was face to face with someone else he knew.

“Ricky!? Hey, do you live here now?”

“Oh – hey there. It’s Lizzie, right?” Eliza Farner was one of his wife’s close friends ; Beth and she shared the same hair stylist. Rick had met her a few times casually, usually hanging out with his spouse after a girl’s night out – or that’s how Lizzie and Beth described their times together. “Is it Liz or Lizzie?”

“Either one’s OK, Ricky. I’m here attending my niece’s 1st birthday party. Had to step out in the hall for a sec – with all of us chicks in there, it’s like a perfume bomb went off. I was afraid we’d explode when striking the match for the cake candles.”

“Ha-ha! I love your sense of humor, Lizzie. Beth always seems happier after spending a little time with you; I can see why.”

“Speaking of Beth …” Lizzie’s face turned serious suddenly. “I know about the sitch. Just know I’m praying for both of you. She told me you had moved out to an apartment. Is this your place now?” she asked, pointing to the door he’d just exited.

“Ah, no,” he grumbled. Now the fact that he was in a strange place was going to get back to Beth. Oh well. Might as well as be honest. “My new place is five miles away, off Thomason road. I’m here visiting with an old friend from back in middle school – helping him out with a situation.” That’s honest enough; after all, back in middle school Meg was a “he”. Not a lie, technically.

Rick’s mistake was forgetting one of the universe’s basic rules: Murphy’s law. For just as he finished that sentence, Meghan opened her door and stepped out in that sexy black sheath dress she had worn for the meeting with Derek. She waved a cell phone at Rick. “Hey big guy – you forgot this!”

Rick saw Lizzie’s face go pale. She pointed to Meghan – “Your middle school friend – is that ‘him’??”

Meg’s face now fell, and scrunched up in pain at being called ‘him’. “Rick! You, of all people – outing me to a random stranger??”

“I’m no random stranger. I’m the best friend of his wife!” Lizzie snarled. “She has no idea that her husband is hanging out with” – she gave an angry glance towards Rick, as if to imply I’m too polite to say 'fucking' – “a piece of dung like you!”

Meghan still had the impression she was being shamed for her trans history. “Listen, missy – I’m damn proud of who and what I am. And small minded people like you had better get used to me and my kind, or –“

“STOP!” barked the large man in the center of this verbal melee. “Both of you.” Now his voice dropped back to indoor volume. “Neither of you are going to believe what I’m about to say, but just for the record, you both have mistaken ideas about what just happened and what is happening now. Liz, I am not cheating on my wife. Meg is my middle school friend. And she indeed used to be a he, a male. She transitioned to female as an adult.”

“Rick!” protested Meghan.

“Aw, Meg – you were already mad at me ‘cause you thought I outed you earlier. Which I did NOT do, until just now.”

“Then why did she call me ‘him’?”

“See? I said you wouldn’t believe me. If I could do this over, I’d change what I said – but not what actions I’ve taken.” He then turned to his wife’s friend. “Lizzie, I love Beth. We are separated legally, but we both have agreed to remain monogamous, faithful to each other, as we work things out. Now today, Meghan asked me essentially to be her bodyguard as she broke up with her boyfriend. He tried to hit her when she found out about her trans history.”

Rick looked quickly back and forth at the two women flanking him. Both wore doubting smirks with narrowed eyes. But Lizzie then looked at Meg with a more relaxed visage. “So you’re a trans woman? God, you’re beautiful. I wouldn’t have guessed in a million years.”

“Yes,” said Meg with a slightly bowed head. “It’s a little embarrassing to admit.”

“Why? You just got through saying that you were proud of who you are. And frankly, if I could have your body, I might want to switch places with you.”

“No, your situation is better. You won’t have men rejecting you because you were born anatomically male. And you can give your man a child.”

“That’s probably the only advantage to having a uterus. The rest of the time, my reproductive system is a major pain. Every month since age 12-and-a-half. I only keep my womb around for the eventual prospect of children. After I’ve had mine, I plan to get the damn thing yanked out.”

Meghan smiled slightly. “What’s your name?”

“My friends call me Liz. Big clumsy lugs like this guy call me Lizzie.” She winked at Rick and elbowed him in the ribs as she said that.

“Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee, Liz? I’m Meghan, by the way; you can call me Meg, like my non-lover male friend here does.”

“Let me get a few selfies of me and my niece – it’s her birthday. But after that, I’ll knock on your door, OK?”

Rick exhaled, finally. He’d been holding his breath for the last two minutes. “Ladies, I’m late in getting back to work. I have to go. It was a pleasure.” Now THAT was a lie. He jogged to his car.

~o~O~o~

To be continued tomorrow.

If you've gotten this far, please leave a comment! Don't make me reach through the screen and tweak your nose!

Thanks for reading!

My entry in the Reader Retention contest.

~o~O~o~

Rick was driving back to work, talking hands-free on the phone with his boss. “Thanks, Jerry. I appreciate it, and I’ll stay an hour after closing to make sure I’m all caught up. You’re the best.” He hung up, and whistled with relief. Another bullet dodged.

Only one last thing bugged him. Beth, his wife. She would surely now hear that he had been over to Meghan’s apartment. Though he was fairly confident that Lizzie would assure Beth that his visit was innocent, he still needed to be the first to tell her about what he did for Meg today. Then he could apologize for not letting her know what he was about to do beforehand. This would be best done in person, not over the phone and definitely not via text. Maybe he was being over-cautious; but with his marriage being on some thin ice, he needed to be as open and careful as possible. His house – where Beth lived by herself, now – was 2 blocks off of his current route back to his work. He pointed his Ford Expedition in that direction.

Beth’s Toyota Supra was in the right driveway – per usual, as she worked only the mornings on Wednesdays. But the Mercedes convertible in the left drive was an unexpected sight for Rick. This had an innocent explanation, he was sure. He kept telling himself that as a knot formed in his gut. Approaching the front door, he quietly entered the unlock code into the keypad. He turned the knob carefully and stealthily entered. An empty foyer greeted him, but no voices or noise was audible. The living room and kitchen were equally silent.

He now stood in the doorway to his bedroom, watching two post-coital lovers sleeping in each other’s arms. Beth’s head and long hair lay on the chest of some guy from her work, a supervisor or something-or-other. Someone Rick seemed to remember from Beth’s company Christmas party last year. For the first time since the night they agreed to separate, Rick began to cry. He took a few pictures of the scene, capturing their snoozing and state of undress; The both of their torsos were open to air, and it appeared the thin coversheet was the only thing adorning their lower bodies. Rick quietly left as they continued their illicit slumber.

Rick was lousy at work that afternoon – distracted, and obviously suffering and despondent. Boss Jerry noticed, and gave him the rest of the day off after 2:30. Rick drove to his apartment. I'm gonna find my booze and get ... As he put his car in park, his cell rang.

It was Beth.

Rick punched the answer icon. “Hey,” he choked out.

“Hi. I see you came over at about 1:03. The doorbell camera caught you. I know you saw me and Michael.”

“So tha’s his name,” Rick said through clenched teeth. “What ‘bout, you know, you an’ me, monogamous?”

“Rick. You know why this happened. We’ve talked about it. Your … problem. The fact that you can’t give me that thing I really, really need.”

“I can give you ev’ry othr dam thng!” he spurted out in locked-jaw speech.

“And that’s why I said everything would be fine if you just agreed to let me have another man to satisfy my needs from time to time! If you could allow that, we wouldn’t have had to change a thing!”

“Th’ counsel’r – he told you not to –“

“Screw the counselor. Or maybe I should? He’s only 5 foot 10, but I bet he doesn’t have your problem.”

“So yu fckd Mike. Do yu feel any regret? Was it worth it, baby?”

“Rick … this is going to hurt you, but I’m being totally honest here. My only regret is that I didn’t sleep with him sooner. It was – God, it was magnificent. I never want to be without it. And because you can’t handle that, it probably means I need to start divorce proceedings. I’m so, so sorry to hurt you this way. But if we go back to the way we were going, it will hurt you even more in the long run. Not to mention I’ll be miserable too.”

She listened for a response, but heard only repressed sobs. Finally –

“Beth. Do yu still love me?”

“I … I have a love for you, Rick. Let’s leave it at that.”

“Um … ‘kay. Go ‘head. File for the d’vorce. I’ll get a lawyr. God help me. Someone help me, help me God.”

“Rick. You’re worrying me.”

“G’bye, Beth.”

Rick hung up.

~o~O~o~

Rick unlocked his dark little apartment, took two steps in – and stopped.

He stood like stone, every muscle in his body tensing as he tried to fight off the tears. Don’t lose it, man. Don’t … But his strong, mountain like shadow began to shake. Those tree trunk legs of his began to buckle. He fell forward on his knees and began to cry and roar in emotional torment.

The sobbing continued off and on for the rest of the afternoon. Now it was just past 9:30 pm. He’d had nothing to eat or drink, save more than half of the bottle of bourbon he’d pulled from the pantry. All the effort I put into my marriage - for nothin’. She told me it wouldn’t matter, that she’d love me and stay with me in spite of it. I was so careful to pick someone who’d love me unconditionally – and she couldn’t do it. If Beth couldn’t, then no woman will.

Rick looked around the apartment from his vantage point on the living room couch. Despite the bourbon the pain was unrelenting, and everything was getting darker. Everything. The lights in the place, the lights outside, his mood, his future. That future was dead – killed by the one person he had invested his all - time, heart, energy, trust, love – in. Not to mention that damned quack of a doctor back in ’93. He desperately searched his mental files for hope, but found absolutely none. Now, a foreign thought crept into his mind.

I wish I were dead.

Immediately the devilish idea sprouted. Pistol in my bedside drawer. One shot, in the mouth, aiming towards the base of the skull at the back. No note or explanation needed; anyone could figure out why. Just stop the pain. Stop the horrible pain.

He looked at the door to his bedroom. A countering thought emerged in his brain – Hypocrite! You just prevented your friend Meg from taking this way out earlier today! – but he brushed that off. One more reason for me to end this. The world will have one less hypocrite. He stood, and readied himself to walk to where he kept the gun. As he took his first step -

A knock at his front door.

Rick frowned as he glanced at the wall clock. Fifteen 'til ten. Who - ?

The knock came again, this time a loud, fast prolonged rapping.

He cleared his throat as he approached the door. All he saw through the peephole was the opposite was the hallway, and two tufts of hair – one red, the other blonde. “Who is it? You’ve got the wrong apartment. Go away,” he barked.

But no response came, save the same urgent, rapid knocking.

“No solicitations!” Rick growled. But the knocking was constant now, not taking any breaks.

He looked in the living room mirror. He was a mess – drunk, disheveled, with bloodshot eyes and puffy lids, a bourbon stained dress shirt. Oh well. When I answer the door, this mess – and me – will scare ‘em off. Then I can get back to .... He went to the door and unlocked the bolt. Grabbing the knob, he yanked the door open. “What??” he roared.

Standing there were two short women – Lizzie and Meghan – in jeans and sneakers. Meghan had on a knit top; Lizzie wore a T-shirt, and carried a thick heavy steel briefcase. Meg returned Rick’s gaze, and her eyes filled with tears. She reached around his trunk and began to squeeze him. “Oh Rick. My buddy, my friend. I’m so sorry this has happened.”

“I called Beth to let her know I ran into you today,” Lizzie said. “She ended up admitting to me everything that took place. She said she was worried about you. Not enough to come over and check on you herself, mind you. I never knew she could be such a heartless witch. So I called Meghan – we became fast friends over coffee today – and we came to check on you.”

“Hey, uh, thanks,” he replied. “But I’ll be okay.”

“Ahem,” said Meghan. “We’re not asking you to let us in. We’re coming in.”

And just like that, Rick was walked back to his couch and sat down between the two women. He tried – weakly - to get them to leave him alone.

“I’ll really be … ah … OK,” he whispered.

His statement was ignored. “I’m so thankful for you Rick. You saved my life today,” whispered Meg as she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. “You showed me more love – true, sacrificial love – than any one ever has. I love you, like a sister loves her older hero brother. And I think you need some appreciation, and loving words and hugs.”

“Doctor Lizzie here. That’s my prescription for you, bubba. Hugs and loving words, applied constantly, for at least the next few hours – longer, if necessary. To be administered by Nurse Meg.”

“Rick,” whispered Meg. “Tell me the truth. Have you wished you were dead at any time today?”

The big man sighed. Busted. “Yes. I planned to use my gun in my bedside drawer.”

“Be right back,” said Lizzie as she hopped towards Rick’s bedroom with her heavy briefcase .

“Beth told Liz you owned a gun,” Meg said. “I had a hunch you might be this desperate. Lizzie brought her portable safe, just in case; I’ll bet she’s locking your piece in there now. And I brought my stack o’ bibles – my little pamphlets – for you to swear on. So agree to swear on them that you won’t hurt yourself. Or should I dial the hotline? Let’s see, 1-800-S-U-“ – she tapped out numbers on her phone.

“Give me the pamphlets. I’ll swear to it … as long as … as … “ Rick started to choke up.

“As long as what, Rick?” Meghan breathed ever so quietly.

“God … this sounds like a line … but I don’t think I can stand to be alone right now, Meg. Things just got so … so dark …”

“Are things dark right now?”

“Not as bad as before.” Rick looked into Meghan’s face and half smiled. “Not with you here.”

“Then I’m here,” Meghan said. “I’m here as long as you need me.”

She laid her head on his chest as she stroked his shirt, then his neck, as Rick laid his right hand on the stack o’ pamphlets and promised he wouldn’t harm himself.

~o~O~o~

Rick lifted up his head. Where am I? Then he quickly realized: he had fallen asleep on the couch. The lights were all off except for a small lamp, and it gave off adequate light for him to see the wall clock. 2:36 am.. I need to get to my bed, and hit the bathroom along the way. Wonder why –

Then he remembered. Beth and “Michael”. He sat up, and felt some arms from behind him fall away as he did so.

“Hey, sleepyhead! You finally got some Z’s in,” Meghan’s voice came from behind him. “I need you to change out of your duds into the sweats we placed at your bathroom sink. Lizzie and I raided your closet. And swish some Listerine for your gums and teeth. Then come back into this living room.”

“Where’s Lizzie?” mumbled the big guy.

“I sent her home; I think we got this, you and I. Now get changed and get back here, cowboy.”

Rick did as ordered. He was in no mood to argue. Here was someone who wanted to give him affection and appreciation, and he desperately needed both.

On arriving back in the living room, he noticed a bed sheet had been laid across the leather couch, with 2 pillows from the master bedroom placed at one end. Meghan had taken off her shoes, but still had her socks/jeans/shirt on.

“We’ll stay on the couch. To avoid even the appearance of impropriety,” said Meghan.

“Like sex isn’t possible on a couch,” Rick weakly smirked.

Meg got on the sofa on her side, her back snug against the back cushion. “Lie down on your side in front of me.”

As Rick did so, he felt Meg’s arms once again wrap around his neck and shoulders. “You’re like a huge, huggable bear,” he heard whispered into his ear. “A protecting bear, and yet a squeezy teddy bear. Big Bear – that’s my new nickname for you. Honorable, noble, protective – yet tender enough to be vulnerable. And some bad ol’ she-cougar ripped you open in your tender belly. We need to heal that with the balm of loving truth. And the truth is, is that she doesn’t deserve you.

“You are an amazing man, a great human being. You will survive this. Don’t give up. Don’t you dare give up. You are loved. I’m proud of who you are. You have people who love you, who cherish you. There’s no reason to be ashamed. I don't know why Beth left; but somewhere out there is the woman who will cherish you as you deserve. And some day you will find each other. And on that day I will jump and cheer as you seal your wedding vows to live as you should, happily ever after.”

Meg began to choke back a tear again.

“Tell me you’re not going to give up, Rick. Say it out loud for me.”

Meg heard nothing but a peaceful, slight snore from the man she held to.

“That’ll do. Sleep tight, Big Bear.”

~o~O~o~

To be continued tomorrow.

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~o~O~o~

Internist Hitesh Choi M.D. knit his brow with concern as he looked directly into his patient’s eyes. “Have you ever considered doing something like this at any prior time in your life, Richard?”

“No, Doc. It was a bad, bad day – one of the worst I can ever remember having. Okay, actually, it WAS the worst day in my life. I guess the booze didn’t help my mood either. But I ended up not going through with it, so things are OK, right?”

“Because a couple of angels showed up and took the gun away as an option. Thank god for them. I think I’m more worried about this than you appear to be.” The physician rubbed the sparse goatee on his chin as his eyes arched upward while he thought. “I’ll be right back,” he said as he suddenly rose and left the exam room.

Rick sighed, and glanced at the pretty redheaded woman seated to his side. She had not gotten farther than 30 feet from him since she showed up at his door last night. Her green eyes looked up at his. “Thanks for letting me be in here during your visit, Rick.”

“I’m having second thoughts about agreeing to that, Meg. The way you described me to him almost made me sound like a nuthouse candidate. There’s no way I looked that desperate.”

Meg smirked and pursed her lips. “Typical guy. You don’t like doctors, and tend to underplay any symptoms and problems. I just told what I saw, plain and simple. I’ll let him make the diagnosis. But he needed an accurate picture of how you were last night.”

“And I appreciate having all the information I can about my patients, ma’am,” said Dr. Choi, having walked back into the room. “ I wish more patients would bring their spouses or friends to give me a full picture of the problem. Now, Rick. Let’s talk frankly.”

“OK, Doc. Shoot.”

“I think you had a major depressive episode. It all seems exogenous – meaning due to the extreme trauma you experienced – but I’m worried that you could still be at risk for self-harm, especially if you get alone. I’m giving you two options: inpatient treatment at the local psychiatric facility –“

“WHAT?!”

“- Hang on, Rick – OR you can go visit a psychiatrist, today at 2 - that’s in 30 minutes - with Dr. Ramanathan. I called and worked you in.”

Rick stood up. “No, thanks. I don’t want to see a shrink. We’re done here.”

Choi stood also, and set his jaw. He was half the size of his huge patient, but his white coat allowed him to pull rank. “Richard. If you refuse either of these, I will notify the county mental health department, and they will send an evaluator quickly over to where you are–“

Rick’s shoulders slumped, and he grit his jaw. He looked down at Meg with tears in his eyes. “See, Meg? I’m being treated like a lunatic. I hope you’re happy.” Then turning to Choi, “OK, Doc. I’ll see the shrink. But I’m doing so under protest.”

~o~O~o~

Meghan sat in the psychiatrist’s waiting room. Unlike the visit at Dr. Choi’s, Rick had refused to allow her to be present while this specialist evaluated him. That’s why she was surprised when, after about an hour, the receptionist told her that she was now needed in the consultation room.

“It was my understanding that Rick – the patient – didn’t want me back there,” Meg stammered.

“It’s the doctor that’s asking for you, ma’am,” replied the receptionist.

Meg now knocked on the door of the room she’d been led to. “Come in,” a male voice with a foreign accent said.

She entered and saw her friend with the psychiatrist; both pointed to an open seat for her to take. “Rick – are you sure you’re OK with me being here? I thought –“

“It’s fine, Meg. This experience has been so much better than I thought it would be. He’s gonna let me go home; since you are the one who’s looking after me, he just wants to talk with you a bit.”

“Wow, that’s great! Did he make you make a promise not to hurt yourself, like the suicide counselor made me do?”

The doctor had been writing on his pad computer, but he lifted his head – and his right eyebrow – when Meghan said that. He said nothing, however.

“Yeah, this is Dr Ramanathan – he says call him Dr. Rama for short. He did make me sign an agreement that I wouldn’t harm myself, and is starting me on some high powered antidepressant. I have to stay on it at least 6 months, then he’ll consider weaning it off. He’s also called my work and had them excuse me for the rest of the week. Evidently he thinks I need therapy with a counselor and group meetings pretty intensely for the next few days.

“I would normally be fighting this, but this shrink is a prince of a guy – he really cares. He’s not a weird ‘Sigmund Freud’ type, he’s more like a regular guy. Told me I wasn’t weird for feeling this way. Evidently males commit suicide more than females, and use guns more too. So he was glad that I came in. He wants to personally tell you thank you for … for …” Rick suddenly appeared choked up.

“For what, Rick?” said Meghan.

“For coming to his rescue,” Dr. Rama inserted. “When you and your friend confiscated his gun, you saved him, I’m sure of it. I wish you had called the suicide hotline for him last night, but that’s the only thing I would have done differently. “

Rick’s tears made him sputter as he spoke. “You told me last night that I’d saved your life. It took you less than a day to return the favor. Thank you, Meg. Thanks for saving my life.”

Meghan reached over and squeezed his hand. “I owed you, Big Bear. It’s all going to be okay now.”

Doctor Rama addressed Meghan. “Ma’am, you said something earlier that intrigues me. Have you called a suicide counselor for yourself recently?”

Meg was surprised, and suddenly wary. “Yes … but I’m not here as your patient, so why are you asking?”

“I’m asking as Rick’s doctor. You are committed to overseeing him for the next few days, I understand?”

“Yes. I made some calls and adjusted my work schedule. My new friend Lizzie will cover the late afternoons and evenings, and I’ll be there the rest of the time.”

Dr. Rama’s brow was now knit with concern. “Can you tell me when and why you called the hotline for yourself?”

“Actually,” Meg said, “Rick called them for me. Yesterday early afternoon.” She then quickly recounted the lunch meeting with Derek, and Rick’s actions at her apartment just after.

Dr. Rama took all of this in. When Meg finished, he seemed in deep thought; then he pointed to both of them as he asked: “Is there any romantic attraction between you two?”

“Doc, I’m still in love with my wife,” Rick protested.

“And I’m not over Derek yet either!” Meg replied

“I believe both of you; yet, it’s possible for all that to be true and still be desirable to each other.” The doctor looked at Rick and pointed towards Meg. “Are you telling me that you are not attracted in any way to this beautiful woman here?”

Rick started to flatly deny the charge, but his eyes met Meg’s. He took in the lovely vision of his friend sitting there in the leather chair. Long wavy auburn hair that flowed waterfall-like from her head to her breasts. Those breasts were large and complemented her curvy butt. Not model thin, but not overweight. She was in a black tube top with a green jacket, and painted-on green capri pants.

Rick suddenly became aware of where his eyes had wandered, and forced them to gaze at her face. At her pretty green eyes and pale, porcelain skin. His mind now drifted to the past. Before yesterday, it had been nearly 2 years since he’d last seen her. She was 23 years old then, and just beginning her full time transition to a female life. Though at that time just starting hormone therapy and “pre-op everything”, she still was a very passable woman. Now she’s unreadable; more than that - immaculately sexy, thought the big man. He was aware that he was getting turned on.

“Rick – did you hear my question?” Dr. Rama spoke and interrupted the big man’s reverie.

Rick’s cheeks, already slightly flushed, became beet red. “Doc – if I’m honest, I have to admit that she’s one of the sexiest women I’ve ever known.”

Now Meghan’s face was flushed, and she began to perspire slightly. This admission from her friend not only shocked her; it brought an eruption of conflicting emotions in her chest. Both hands covered her mouth.

“And you, ma’am,” Dr. Rama spoke to her, “Do you feel attracted to Rick?”

“Ah … um …” she quavered, and pointed an open hand towards her friend. “Just look at him.” Meg now did just that. This man was massive and strong, and stood somewhere north of 6’1”. His wavy black hair was only just beginning to recede at the forehead. He had no beard or mustache, but always appeared to have a stubble shadow even after his daily smooth shave. His dark eyes and deep voice made her weak in the pit of her stomach.

Meg turned towards the psychiatrist. “Doc - he’s a man’s man – a big, fantastic hunk of masculinity. What woman wouldn’t be infatuated?”

The doc shook his head. “Okay. I have serious concerns about you two looking after each other. Both of you are emotionally fragile and recently suicidal. Rick, especially with the problem you disclosed to me, you can’t risk a romantic relationship right now. Neither of you can, in my opinion. You need to find someone else – preferably a male relative or friend – to watch over you while you get the counseling and medication you need. Either that, or I need to admit you to Passages, the local psychiatric inpatient center.”

“Nope.” Rick shook his head. “That’s not gonna happen. I’ll find someone else besides Meg. It has to be a guy, huh?”

“I could accept another woman, such as your mother or sister. But not your friend here. I need you to assure me that you will comply with my order on this, Rick.”

“I promise, Doc. I promise.” Rick stood up. “Am I done here?”

~o~O~o~

“Okay, I liked that doctor until he got the impression that we were going to have a sex orgy as soon as we got out of there,” Meghan grumbled as she drove Rick back to his apartment. “After all, we spent last night together and all that happened was therapeutic snuggling.” But I had no idea he thought I was sexy, she silently thought. One of the sexiest he's ever known. That's what he said. Meg could feel her heart start to race.

“I don’t have many male friends. Only one that I think I could trust to be discreet about all this – Phil, from work - and he’s on vacation in Florida ‘til the end of the week,” Rick fretted.

“Rick, what about your mom or sis-“

“NOPE. No. I am not involving my family in this. You should know why, Meg – the ‘family business’ is why I moved from New Jersey.”

Meg frowned. “Lizzie’s got the rest of today with you, but she can’t stay overnight. Who can we get to be with you then? The doc didn’t want you alone.”

“Just let me be alone, Meg. We don’t need to tell the doc about it. My buddy may be back from Fort Lauderdale in two days.”

“Now it’s my turn to say NOPE, Rick,” Meg stated. “If we’re going to disobey the doc’s orders, then we’ll do it by me staying with you tonight. You being alone sounds like the worst option. So I’ll stay, we’ll interact as just friends, and tomorrow you start your counseling. And tonight you start your antidepressant,” she said as she pulled into the drive-through window at Rick’s pharmacy.

~o~O~o~

To be continued tomorrow.

If you've gotten this far, please leave a comment! Don't make me reach through the computer screen and tweak your nose!

Thanks for reading!

My entry in the Reader Retention contest.

~o~O~o~

Rick was now back at his apartment with Meghan. He had barely relaxed onto the couch when the doorbell rang. “Right on time,” chirped Meg as she hopped to the door. It was Lizzie. She still wore her work clothes, a power skirt and blazer with a pink blouse; her blonde hair cascaded in ringlets around her shoulders.

“I was able to take off early, as we discussed. Most of my accounts are up to date, and I came in early this morning to do paperwork so it was no problem. Tag me,” she said to Meg. Both women tapped palms together like a wrestling team changing turns in the ring, right in front of Rick.

Meghan turned to him. “Now I have to go work. I got my schedule adjusted this week to where I can be here during the day, and Lizzie can be here for the evening. Then I’ll be back for the late night until Liz comes back tomorrow. We’ll do this until you’re safe being alone.”

Rick fretted. “So basically I’m being a huge burden on you guys.”

“You don’t have anyone else to do this, right? You told me that your family was not an option,” Meg replied. “And shush with that ‘being a burden’ talk. I’m happy to be of help. I know Lizzie feels the same way.”

“You’ll be getting a huge bill from me when you’re better, though,” Liz cracked. “Just kidding!” she then smiled

Meg looked at the time on her phone. “Sorry – I really have to go and change before I show up at the restaurant. Love you, Lizzie – and you too, Big Bear.” She then sped out the door.

~o~O~o~

“I brought some stuff for dinner. Let me whip it up for you. I chose food that I thought you’d like.” said Lizzie.

“A nice steak and baked potato?” Rick said, hopeful.

“Romaine salad with turkey, walnuts and cranberries it is, then.” Lizzie laughed. “I should clarify: I chose food I thought you’d like off of a Foods that Fight Depression article on the internet.”

“Lizzie – I don’t really feel worthy of all this loving attention you guys are giving me.”

“Hey, big guy – anyone in your sitch deserves TLC. Now don’t mention that again. You’ve got more self-esteem than that. Give me 10 minutes and our meal will be ready.”

~o~O~o~

“That really was tasty. Thanks, Liz. You sure have been a friend to me through this. Don’t want to think about what would’ve happened without you and Meg.”

“Glad to help. And glad you liked the salad. Did you get full enough?”

Rick smiled. “It takes a lot to fill me up. But this was fine. I need to cut back and lose a few pounds, anyway.” His countenance then turned more sober. “Have you talked with Beth since … since the ‘intervention’ last night? Does she know what you and Meg have been doing?”

Lizzie rolled her eyes. “Your wife called me during my lunch hour today. I told her how devastated you were, and what Meg and I were doing. Her response? “You ought to have them put him in the psych hospital; don’t get in trouble with your work trying to take care of him.” I was flabbergasted, I tell you. This doesn’t seem like the same ‘bestie’ I’ve known for the last year and a half. I can’t fathom why she is so cold to you. What happened between you two? This can’t be just a simple one-off affair.”

Rick shook his head and gazed at the ground. “This is my fault. I can’t give her what she needs.”

“So – you’re not beating her, or abusing in any way?”

“NO! No way, not ever. Would you even be here alone with me if you thought that was a possibility?”

Lizzie pulled a small black box out of her purse. “Didn’t think so. But I always carry Sparky here with me just in case.” She pressed a button on the box and produced a visible crackle of electricity between 2 small metal points on the front.

Lizzie replaced the device in her purse and looked back at Rick with concern. “Now what do you mean – you can’t give her what she needs? She never mentioned anything like this to me.”

“That’s because she was respecting my wishes – I didn’t want her discussing this with anybody. And sorry, Liz – I don’t feel comfortable talking about it with you. Just suffice to say that I have a problem that caused the death of my marriage. And it’s the reason why I basically need to avoid sex for the rest of my life now. I’ve already said too much. Let’s change the subject, please.”

“Okay – we won’t talk about sex. Let’s talk about love in general. A new romance. I usually think “rebound “ relationships are a bad idea – but a new lady in your life who loves you might really help you through this. Maybe not. I’m no psychologist. But love is available to you, right now. In fact, I can’t believe you can’t see it.”

Rick’s eyes got wide. “Liz – let me get this straight – are you coming on to me?”

Lizzie slapped her forehead. “No, no. I mean, not that you aren’t a catch-and-a-half. And I am single, and you’re a big handsome … “ She shook her head as if to clear it. “NO. Besides, I don’t move in on a girlfriend’s guy.”

Rick sighed. “She’s filing for divorce. I don’t think she considers me her guy.”

Lizzie laughed. “I’m not talking about Beth, doofus. I’m talking about Meg.”

“Meg?!” Rick was nonplussed.

“Yes. Meg. She loves you like a sister, she says – but anyone can see she’s infatuated. Sure, she just broke up with that other guy – Derek, I think his name is? – but her eyes light up when she’s around you. I’m just saying, you guys already have a long history of friendship; maybe this is the universe’s way of working things out for the best.”

“The psychiatrist disagrees. He thinks I’m too emotionally fragile to have a romance now – especially with Meg. He’s ordered –” Wait a minute, Rick thought. I don’t need Lizzie knowing that Meg’s not supposed to be here tonight. – “Ahh … ordered me not to get in a new relationship now.” So Meg’s infatuated with me, he mused

Eliza looked flustered, then walked to the refrigerator. She looked in the freezer, and then pulled out a pint of premium chocolate almond ice cream. “Okay, he’s a shrink, not a cardiologist,” she yelled from the kitchen. “I know he didn’t forbid you to indulge in Haagen-Dazs!”

~o~O~o~

Rick fell asleep on the couch at 10:30 pm, with Liz watching him while she did some make up work on her computer from the dining table. When he woke up there in the morning, he could feel a softness pressing into his front. He looked down and saw a head of auburn hair underneath his chin. Meg, he knew.

Meghan had “tagged” back in at midnight, and changed into her pink sweats and carefully spooned into Rick from the front, trying not to wake him. But she did not have a restful night. Her head was filled with dreams – wet ones. Specifically, in her mind, she and Rick made love all night.

Now, she sighed and slowly squirmed, pressing her butt into Rick’s groin. He felt arousal beginning all over his body. Still sleepy, he put an arm around Meg’s waist and squeezed her tighter to his torso. She smiled and sighed, fully in dreamland.

“MMmmmm … like that,” she sighed.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Rick said

“Don’t … don’ stop,” she mumbled

Rick took a deep breath. “Meg. We need to...”

At that moment his hug-partner rolled over to face him. She pressed her ample bosom into his chest, and wrapped her left leg around his right. “Need … you …”

Rick had planned on telling Meghan to disengage from him, but in the face of the physical stimulation he lost all focus. His right arm had been ready to gently push her away, but now it grabbed ahold of her buttock and squeezed.

“Mmmm,” she sighed. Her face was now at his Adam’s apple. She still was only barely waking up, and did what felt natural for her – she kissed his neck. Just as she dreamed she’d been doing all night. Something nagged at her conscience – isn’t this wrong? No, no – how can it be? It feels so good.

Rick’s drowsy mind was now disengaged, and his lust was in control. He craned his head down and pulled Meg’s face up to his, planting a wet kiss there. Their tongues intermingled, and his hands were now inside her sweats, caressing her back and butt.

She was in rapturous bliss; half-awake but in full heat. She pulled her sweatshirt off in a quick motion, and pressed her unadorned breasts into Rick. In that moment, she suddenly remembered Dr. Rama’s warning.

Meghan’s eyes grew wide as she was now fully awake. “Rick! We can’t - ” Just as she said this, Rick lifted her right breast up to his mouth, and he began tonguing the nipple and areola. Meg gasped, and a visible shiver encompassed her whole body – otherwise, she was frozen in place by his oral ministrations. He began alternating from right to left breast and back, sucking and licking, as her shivers progressed to shaking tremors with moans and squeals.

Rick paused, his face buried between her two breasts. He now remembered Rama’s order – but he was so turned on. “The doc,” he croaked.

“Screw him,” Meghan groaned. Screw me, she thought.

Rick then took two fingers on his right hand and placed them in his mouth, lubricating them with saliva. Then he took his thumb and reached down; he slid Meg’s sweat pants down to her mid thighs, exposing her lilac panty. His hand dipped inside the front of the panty, searching for the groove he knew was there.

Meghan moaned and kissed his face as he began working his fingers. She seemed to enjoy this, though the shudders had stopped. So he paused long enough to pull her panty off and shift his position, putting his face at her groin level.

“Ohhhhh baby,” Meg moaned as the shivering returned. Rick’s tongue was doing somersaults in her vagina, and she began to spasm, pushing her pelvis against his face as he continued to lick.

She suddenly sat up. “I can’t stand it – I have to have you in me!” Meghan pushed Rick’s face away from her crotch and she began to tug his pants down. But Rick pulled away completely and stood up straight.

“What did you just say, Meg?”

“I have to have you in me, Rick! Please fuck me, now!”

Rick’s face fell. “No, Meg. God knows I want it. But you can’t have me. Not the way you need. It was the same with Beth. I’m sorry, Meg - I shouldn't have allowed us to get this far. But I can’t give you what you want.” He then walked down the hall into the bathroom and shut the door.

Meghan sat naked on the couch, her mind a jumble of surprise, hurt and rejection.

~o~O~o~

She remained that way for nearly a full minute – then she became concerned for Rick. Pulling her sweats back on, she ran to the bathroom and knocked hard. “Rick? What are you doing in there? I don’t hear any water running. Are you okay?”

“Leave me alone, Meg. You can’t help me. No one can help me.”

“What are you doing??” She twisted the doorknob, but it was locked.

“That’s no concern of yours. It’s only my problem. And it needs to be ended.”

“Rick. You open this door right now!” Meghan shouted.

He didn’t respond.

She grabbed her phone and dialed 911.

~o~O~o~

When the police arrived, they kicked the bathroom door in. Inside they found Rick, sitting on the toilet, looking down at an opened pocket knife he held in both hands. There was no blood or obvious injury – yet.

“Drop it!” yelled a young officer, pistol drawn.

“You could help me out,” mumbled Rick. “A bullet would be a lot more effective than a cut. Right here.” – he pointed to his forehead.

“Jenkins, let me handle this,” said an older cop whose nametag said MILLER. “Go get a statement from the lady.” Officer Miller holstered his weapon and squatted so as to be at eye level with the knife man. “Talk to me, Rick. That’s your name, right?”

The cop and the big man talked in the bathroom for twenty minutes until finally an empty-handed Rick emerged followed by Officer Miller. The EMT’s had arrived, and they put Rick in restrictive constraints and took him to the hospital emergency room. Soon after that, he was transported to Passages psychiatric hospital.

~o~O~o~

To be continued tomorrow.

If you've mede it this far, please leave a comment! Don't make me reach through the computer screen and tweak your nose!

Thanks for reading!

My entry in the Reader Retention contest.

~o~O~o~

Meghan arrived at Passages at the start of afternoon visiting hours. Dr. Rama stepped out of the locked unit doors to greet her. “I have some questions about what happened last night,” he said to her. Meg swallowed hard and confessed to her role in what happened.

“Thank you for being honest and open, Ms. Meghan. I have to ask you: have your previous thoughts of suicide returned, considering all the problems that happened this morning?”

“Umm … maybe a little. I was stupid and selfish; I put Rick’s life in danger by disobeying your order.”

“Would you mind if one of our counselors spoke with you right now to insure your safety?”

“Sure. Why not, I guess.” Then a thought hit Meghan. “Hey, doc. Are you saying I might need to be in here too? If – if I was admitted to Passages, could I get treatment along with Rick, side-by-side, so to speak?”

Rama frowned. “No. In fact, if you do need a psychiatric inpatient stay, I’m going to recommend St. Francis, in the next county. You and Rick are not to be together for now.” A nurse stepped in and gave Dr. Rama a packet of papers as he spoke.

“I can’t even visit him while he’s in here?” Meg moaned.

Dr. Rama glanced at the papers, then offered them to Meg. “For you.”

She took the packet. “What is this?”

“It’s a restraining order. You are not to get within 500 feet of Rick until I deem it safe to do so. Judge DeShanna Jefferson is a friend of mine, and she put a rush on this at my request.”

“You think I’m a threat to him – that I would harm him? I mean … “ she began to produce tears. “Oh God … I have harmed him, haven’t I? Can … can he recover from what I’ve done?”

“I’m not letting Rick off the hook; he disobeyed my order along with you. So in my opinion, you both hurt each other. Yet, recovery is absolutely possible. But to get well - both of you - you must be separated for now. Ah, here’s the counselor I called for. He’ll take you to a consultation room and check you out.”

~o~O~o~

Although the counselor did feel that Meghan was clinically depressed, there was no obvious suicide threat. Meg feared – correctly – that any harm she brought on herself would hurt Rick more, and she could not allow that to happen. Outpatient counseling was set up for her; daily for the rest of the week, and then adjusted depending on her progress. An antidepressant was prescribed.

Meghan went to Eliza’s house that evening; she told her new friend about the last 24 eventful hours – in between sobs and bawls.

“God, I’m a horrible person. I can’t believe how bad I screwed up,” sniffled Meg.

“Honey, I agree with the last part,” said Lizzie as she fed tissues to her pal. “You really messed up royally. If I had known the doc ordered you to be apart, there’s no way I would have let you stay the night. I could have done that; I’d have put him to his bed while I crashed on the couch, then taken work off for the next day. Or I could’ve hired my older brother Sammy to sit with him; he’s level-headed and in need of cash.

“But you need to shush that talk about how horrible you are. You have a great soul, and you’re really sorry about what happened. I still think you have a heart of gold. You just needed to follow orders.”

“At least Rick’s getting the help he needs,” Meg sighed. “Lizzie, I’m so bad at love. I should have told Derek about me on day one. And now I’ve lost Rick, due to disobedience and stupidity.”

“You’re still learning, girl. And that’s the key. LEARN from your mistakes. You got a late start on love as a woman – you’re in your mid-twenties. I did most of my stupid ass mistakes during my teenage dating years.”

“Rick has some sort of sex secret, something he’s desperately ashamed of,” Meg wondered. “Maybe ED? But people aren’t so embarrassed to talk about that these days – and the treatments they have are pretty effective, I’ve heard. What could it be?”

“Damned if I know,” replied Lizzie. “Yesterday he told me that Beth left him over it, and he was gonna have to give up on sex – and maybe love altogether – because of it. But he refused to elaborate further.”

“It hurts, Lizzie. Right here,” Meg placed a hand over her breastbone. “Make it stop, please.”

“Just cry it out, honey. I’ve got you,” Liz responded with a hug and a forehead kiss. And if that doesn’t work, I’m consulting Dr. Haagen-Dazs.

~o~O~o~

Meghan was in better spirits as she left Lizzie’s house. Oh, she was still down, but did not feel totally forlorn. There was at least one person who still loved her in spite of her mess: Lizzie. As long as she had just one friend, there was hope. She entered her apartment, which seemed a little cold and stale. Maybe I should have asked Liz if I could stay the night with her.

She closed the front door behind her as she stepped inside. Five seconds later the doorbell rang. What!? Who… ? Meg looked through the peephole.

Derek?!

She opened the door. Her original beau stood there with a bouquet of roses.

“Hi, Meggie. I’ve missed you. Here’s a peace offering,” he said, extending the flowers to her. “Can I come in – to talk?”

“Oh, ye-“ Meghan halted her response as she remembered his attempt to slap her their last time together. “Um … I’ll take these; but let’s talk at Pizzagogo. I’ll meet you there in 15 minutes.”

~o~O~o~

There they sat, at the same table they’d been at earlier in the week. Derek munched on a double pepperoni slice as Meg nibbled on a breadstick. This evening there was live music; on the makeshift stage, a lone guitarist played oldies from the 90’s.

“I see the big guy’s not around this time,” said Derek, scanning the room.

“No,” Meg replied. “You’re not planning on hitting me, are you?”

“Oh, Meggie,” he said as he hung his head. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that I had that anger in me – or rather, that I would ever use it against you. Please forgive me. I promise it will never happen again.”

“Are you harboring any more resentment towards me?”

“No, I’m not. I fell in love with what I thought was a woman; and I’ve come to realize that you are a woman. You’re a better woman – in looks, in personality, in your heart – than most real women out there.”

“Uh, Derek … I consider myself a real woman.”

“I’m sorry! You know what I mean, though, right? I can get over the part about you not being able to bear my children. What I can’t get over is being apart from you.

“Also, I think I know why I reacted the way I did. I’ve never told you about my cousin Denny. He and I were so close over the years, best buds whenever our families got together. He announced last year that he had always wished he’d been a girl, and started on medicines to make him curvy. I felt pretty betrayed, and begged him to reconsider; his family and friends did too. Now he’s living as a woman full time, but he’s obviously not a natural one. Tall, square jaw, deep voice. All I can see when I’m around him-“

“Her,” Meghan corrected. “When you’re around HER.”

“Okay. HER,” Derek mumbled. “All I can see is a shadow of the buddy I lost. She wants to be friends with me, but I’m nervous just being around her. So that frustration may have fed into how I acted the other day. Whatever. I’ve come to terms with your reality, though, and I realize I’m madly in love with you; I plan on making you my wife one day soon.”

Meghan’s heart skipped a beat; she still had feelings for this man. “Tell me, lover. Tell me what you love about me.”

“Your eyes. Green like a field of Ireland grass. Your sexy body – I’m not going to elaborate much on that, or I won’t be able to walk out of here without a hard-on limp. Your femininity. Your long red hair and the way it smells of flowers. The fact that you’re completely passable, and know how to keep a secret.”

“Hmm?” Meg’s eyes narrowed. “What secret?”

“You know,” Derek whispered, leaning over to speak into her ear. “That you’re a transsexual.”

“I’d need to keep that a secret from…”

“From everyone!” he breathed. “Or you’ll be an outcast; I’ll be an outcast too! None of my family and friends would have anything to do with us. But you’re so completely female in your looks; no one will ever suspect. All we need to do is keep it that way.”

“So you’re ashamed of my … trans status.”

“Well I’m definitely not proud of it! It’s not something to be proud of.”

“Derek. Your family will find out eventually. My parents know.”

“Well, we just have to make sure that your parents and mine never meet.”

She put her breadstick down, and swallowed hard. Water welled in her eyes as she spoke: “Goodbye, Derek.” She stood up.

“Wait – wait, wait Meggie!” Derek hissed, his face flushing. “Okay, okay; maybe I can learn to live with people knowing about you. Just – just bear with me, okay? Give me a chance, alright?”

Meg looked up at the guitar player, who was just ending his current song. Gazing back at Derek now, she said “Okay. Here’s your chance.” She walked up to the stage where the musician was, and told him “excuse me” as she grabbed the microphone.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, ladies and gentlemen. I have an important announcement to make.”

Meg could see Derek’s face from the stage; it was now white as a sheet.

She continued. “I am a girl, but I was born a boy. I am a transgender woman. Anyone who wants to be my friend should not be ashamed of me, or afraid of what others think. Thank you.”

There was one “get off the stage” – but many more positive, like “You go girl” and “Hey beautiful, what’s your number?” As she stepped back down to the restaurant floor, she looked for Derek again. But he was long gone.

“And that, mister, was your chance. Your last one,” she muttered quietly.

~o~O~o~

Rick was undergoing intense therapy at Passages. On the fourth day of his stay, Dr. Rama approached him with news.

“Rick, there’s someone who has called and asked for permission to visit you. Your wife, Beth.”

Rick had been sitting in one of the communal room high backed chairs, eyes closed. This news snapped him to full attention. “What – what does she want?”

“I don’t know. I’ll ask her. If I feel that she intends to harm you verbally, I won’t allow it. But your divorce is just barely filed, and you are going to have to interact with her eventually. If the meeting occurs here, then we can manage any bad reaction you may have.”

The next day, Rick sat facing Beth in a small meeting room. The main nurse station had a security camera view to monitor the interaction by video but not audio.

Both spouses sat silently, waiting for the other to begin. Finally one spoke.

“Hello, Rick.”

“Beth.”

“Are you okay, now? Still want to kill yourself?”

Rick sighed and ran his fingers through his thick hair. “Why are you here, Beth? Did you come to mock me? To give me an update on ‘Michael’? Maybe to gloat about how many times he’s fu-“

“That’s over, Rick. As soon as he hit me – for not wanting to get into bondage and domination play. It’s taking a lot of makeup to hide the bruise he gave me.”

“That’s too bad. He was so good in bed; what a waste,” Rick sneered.

“Yeah, he was… “ Beth squinted her eyes and shook her head. “No, dammit – I’m not here to talk about him. I was worried about you. I figured you’d be down when I left, but I had no idea you’d go suicidal. Now I feel guilty; I should have softened the blow somehow.”

“Beth. I walked in on you two in bed. How were you gonna soften that?”

“Rick. I need to get back together with you. I feel scared; that hit from Michael has me worried he’s going to come and try to do worse. He won’t if you’re around. I’ve lost my best friend over this – Lizzie resents me for breaking up with you. I feel so alone. It would be a comfort to have you back – once you get out of here, of course.”

“So you need my presence and protection. What do I get out of it?”

“Why, you get me, Rick. I’m your wife. I know you still love me. I can kiss you and hug you, and love you as best I can.”

“As best you can?” Rick’s eyes narrowed. “Yes I still love you, Beth. I think I always will. Do you love me? Are you in love with me?”

“I … sure. Yes. Yes I am.”

“As long as I allow you to get dick somewhere, right?”

Beth had a pained expression on her face. “Please, Rick. It would only be a once in a while thing.. “

“Beth. File for the divorce. I’ll be generous. You can use the money to buy you a bodyguard. But I’ll never be yours – ever again. Goodbye to you, now and forever. Now get out of my sight,” he said as tears began to pour from his eyes.

~o~O~o~

The declaration Meg made at Pizzagogo seemed to do wonders for her resolve, and her psyche. Her counselor noted her new attitude, which showed more strength and less fear. The antidepressants may have been helping some, but they hadn’t had time to fully kick in; Lizzie took note of her personal growth too.

At work, Meghan “came out” to her boss for the first time. It went well. She then informed the office staff. Though her counselor had said this disclosure was not necessary, Meg felt the need to address the issue and take pride in who she was, who she’d become – a rite of passage, a conquering of her fears.

Then one day she received a phone call from an unknown number. “Hello?” she answered.

“Hello, Miss Meghan. This is Dr. Rama from Passages hospital. How are you today?”

“Doctor Rama! Is Rick okay? It’s been a week since he was put in there!”

“Yes – he’s shown quite a lot of improvement. I need for you to come down here so he can talk to you; he has some things to tell you. Can you come this afternoon?”

“I’m at work and won’t get off until 6 pm – I can come right over at that time!”

“No; I need you to come during full staffing hours. Is tomorrow morning possible?”

“Yes. Ah … does this mean the restraining order is cancelled?”

“No, it’s still in effect; I’m suspending it for this meeting, because it is necessary for Rick’s recovery. That’s all I’m prepared to tell you; he’ll get into the rest. Be here at 9 am promptly, please.”

~o~O~o~

Meghan parked her car in the Passages parking lot at 8:39 am. She walked briskly through the main entrance into the lobby, then straight into the women’s bathroom there.

She checked her appearance in the mirror. Most of her outfits, even for work, emphasized her considerable assets, especially her breasts and legs. The ensemble she had on today purposely did not do that. A loose fitting white blouse covered by a sweater jacket; black slacks and flats. This was especially to show Dr. Rama that she wasn’t here to try to stimulate Rick.

Satisfied with her look, she walked out to the reception desk. “Hi. I’m Meghan McConnell. Dr. Rama is expecting me?”

The woman at the desk made a quick call then put the phone down. “They’re almost ready for you. Dr. Rama will come and escort you to the meeting room in a few minutes. Feel free to have a seat.”

Meg turned to pick out a chair, but suddenly heard behind her “Hello, Miss Meghan.” It was the doctor. “I appreciate your being here on time – even a little early. We’re all ready, so follow me please.” He held open the locking door to the inpatient area.

~o~O~o~

The meeting room was well appointed with framed art, soft furniture and plenty of boxes of tissues. Meghan entered to see Rick sitting in a big chair; he wore a blue T-shirt and gray sweat pants. His face looked a little weathered; he smiled slightly at Meg, yet she thought she could see pain in his eyes as she sat down. Dr. Rama took a seat also, and cleared his throat.

“I’m going to be here to make sure the conversation stays therapeutic; otherwise, I’ll be silent. You may proceed, Rick.”

Rick coughed, then smiled. “Hello, Meg. You look great.”

She blushed. “It’s so good to see you again Rick. I’ve been praying for you multiple times a day while you’ve been here. It’s my fault you’re in here anyway.”

He shook his head. “No, both of us –“

“This was all my fault!” she cried, grabbing a tissue box. “I wasn’t supposed to get physical with you. I should have told Lizzie about Dr. Rama’s order. At the very least I should have slept on the floor; should've realized we’d be vulnerable if we were lying together. Because of me you felt like killing yourself. Now you’ve been locked up here for a week. Because of me.” She buried her head in her Kleenex-filled hands and began to sob uncontrollably. “I’m so … so sor- … sorry!!”

Rick sat silently. He wanted to go and embrace his friend, reassure her that all was okay. But Dr. Rama had forbidden physical contact in today’s meeting. So words would have to do.

“Meg. I forgive you. I screwed up too. And you’re still my friend – my best friend, right now.”

“I … *sob* … don’t deserve your friendship, Rick.”

“Well that’s just tough because I need your friendship, Meg. I need all the friends I can find. So I’m not letting go of you. Also, I haven’t been ‘locked up’ here for the last 3 days; I’ve stayed here voluntarily at doc’s request, to get intensive therapy. I really feel it’s helping me.”

Meghan’s tears had slowed some. “Dr. Rama said that you had ... something you wanted to discuss with me?”

“Yeah.” Now Rick looked uncomfortable. “You need to know why I pushed you away and locked myself in the bathroom that morning. The same reason Beth left me. The reason why I’m no good for any girl. I promised myself after Beth that I’d never tell another woman about this; but the doc thinks I need to open up to you.”

Meghan’s eyes grew wide as she realized the importance of the moment.

Rick looked away from her as he started to talk. “God, this is such a horror story. I’m dreading how you’re gonna react.”

Meghan’s eyes were drying as she wanted to show courage for her friend. “Rick. I love you. There, I’ve said it. I love you with every fiber of my being. I promise never again to hurt you; and I will never, ever reject you. Tell me this secret that seems too horrible to talk about. Because if you tell me about it, then you – we – can start to deal with it. If you don’t, it will get even worse as time goes on.”

Rick sighed. “Sounds like you’ve been watching too much Dr. Phil.”

“Actually, it was Mr. Rogers who said that. I’ll take his advice over Dr. Phil’s any day.”

Rick smiled at his friend. "So you love me, huh?"

Meg smiled back. "This much, Bear," she spread her arms as wide as they could go.

Rick kept smiling, but his face otherwise turned sad. "Before you commit to saying that, you better hear me out." Rick looked out the window. "Okay, here goes," he whispered. Meghan quieted her breathing so as to not miss a word.

“When I was born, it was in a rural New Jersey hospital. The delivery went fine; then, my parents requested the obstetrician perform a circumcision. The doc decided to use an electric cautery to do it. I found out later that technique had been discredited and was no longer approved for circumcision; but the doc had continued to do them that way for years. Well, the voltage may have been turned up too high, or maybe the electricity arc got away from him; in any event, half of my penis ended up black and charred.”

“Oh my god,” Meg exclaimed as she covered her mouth with both hands.

Rick continued to speak in a low volume monotone. “The head of my dick is still mostly, there, and still has sensation. But half of the shaft – especially the parts that balloon up and make a ‘hard on’ – were mostly destroyed. The pee canal got scarred some; I have to see the urologist 2 or 3 times a year to get it dilated.with probes so I can still pass urine. But although I can feel turned on by rubbing my dick, I can’t use it for intercourse.

“My dick is scarred, and pulls to the right really abnormally. Most of the skin on it is tight from the scarring, not loose and stretchy like most guys’ dicks. And it’s really, really small; I have to grasp it using only two fingers. There’s not much more to handle.

“I’ve had multiple surgical procedures since, most of them to keep my pee-hole open; if that closes up, I’m in major trouble. There’s nothing they could do to save my dick for sex, though. I’ve been left with what they call a nonfunctioning micropenis – meaning I can’t accomplish an erection. Man, the desire is there – my testicles are still functional and healthy – but nothing happens. I can achieve a climax if I rub and press deeply enough, but it takes a lot of rubbing to get me there.”

Meghan was dabbing away tears once more. She felt she could feel his anguish. Dr Rama stayed silent, closely observing both friends as Rick continued.

“That means when it comes to love, I can’t give a woman the feel of a real penis in her vagina. And I can’t give her the satisfaction of knowing that she made her man come. Beth told me before we married that her love for me would overcome my shortcomings, and we tried so many things – dildos, oral, anal - but two years later she had to admit that she needed more. She wanted an open marriage; I said no, and then all this separation and adultery happened.

“I know, now ... most all women have to feel a real, warm, thick human dick inside them. No matter what else they say. Beth taught me that.

“Rick … my heart aches so badly for you right now,” Meg moaned. “My god, this is a burden you’ve been carrying all of your life! Why didn’t you tell me when we were friends back in middle school? Were you afraid I was going to reject you as a friend? I opened my soul to you then about me being trans. Your support during that time kept me going even when I felt like giving up.”

“Maybe it would have helped me if I’d told you, Meg; maybe not. Opening up wouldn’t have changed the fact that I’m damaged goods. I went to extreme lengths to hide my defect; I changed clothes for gym in the bathroom stall, not in the general locker areas.”

“What about after gym? I remember – we had one open communal shower room.”

Rick half smiled for the first time this morning. “My folks always arranged my schedule with the schools so I had gym as last class of the day. That way I could bike home and shower there. So I found ways to hide this.”

“Did your family help you bear this burden?”

“Meg. You remember me talking about my family, don’t you?”

“Just that you didn’t want to work with them.”

“Think about it. My name, Rick Russo – that’s Italian. I’m from Jersey. I got a family that does shady business. Put 2 and 2 together.”

Meg’s mind finally clicked. “You mean … ?” She mouthed the word “Mafia”.

“Pretty much. In any event, the Doc who disfigured me wasn’t sued because he ‘went missing’ in the months after my injury, and hasn’t been heard from since. Since than my family’s told me to “be tough and don’t complain about your problem”. Once I was 18 they tried to get me to join the family biz as an enforcer. They said I should take any anger I had towards the doc who scarred me and use it to deal with ‘problem people’.

“I never did want to be a ‘goodfella’ though – my plan was to move away as soon as I turned adult age, and get a legit career. I came to Baton Rouge to take a courier job, and was able to work up to middle management.”

Meghan smiled. “And I moved here for college, and to transition without my family giving me grief. What a surprise when I was reading our high school alumni newsletter and found you now lived here too!” Her face now turned serious again. “Your family - do they know about Beth leaving?”

“NO. And they don’t need to! I don’t need her ‘disappearing ‘ like that doc did 25 years ago. My folks could do it, then use that to try to draw me into their web of criminal activity.

“But I am still left with the fact that I’m about as useful to a woman as a eunuch. And I can’t take the possibility of my heart being ripped out again because my girl can’t be fulfilled by me. I think that’s the reason I got so severely depressed – I not only lost Beth, but I feel I don’t have any chance for love in the future. Then when you told me you had to have me inside you, I realized I would even fail you completely. And that, to make a long story longer, is what happened that morning.”

Meghan rose and stood in front of Rick’s face, to look him straight in his eyes. “So you didn’t reject me because I used to be a boy?”

“Absolutely not, Meg. To me you are a woman, period, end of story. Not only that, you are a true friend. You came to my rescue, and showed me true love in my desperate need. In fact, I was falling in love with you, Meg. But I can’t let that happen. I talked with Derek after you left us at Pizzagogo. He remarked about how much you enjoy making love. And I know that getting penis is probably a big part of that for you. So we’d better keep things at the ‘just friends’ level before our hearts get too involved.”

Meghan sat back down. Both of them remained silent for the a few seconds.

Finally, Meghan cleared her throat. “You know, I’m damaged goods too. I can never bear children. And I’m transgender, which in many people’s eyes still makes me an unnatural freak. So these are burdens I will carry the rest of my life. If we ever considered being more than ‘just friends’, then we could help each other with those burdens.” She turned to Dr. Rama. “Unless the doctor feels that we are bad for each other.”

Rama smiled. “I only forbade you two having intimate contact during this critical time. I am impressed with the maturity and care you have given each other during this sensitive discussion. So Rick, once you're discharged, I see no problem with a healthy romance - so long as you keep it non-physical. No sexual stimulation for at least the next sixty days.”

“And the restraining order?” Meghan inquired, hopeful.

“I’m cancelling it,” smiled Rama.

~o~O~o~

To be continued tomorrow.

If you've mede it this far, please leave a comment! Don't make me reach through the computer screen and tweak your nose!

Thanks for reading!

My entry in the Reader Retention contest.

~o~O~o~

Dr. Rama discharged Rick from Passages two days later.. He still was to return for counseling on a less intense scale. Now Rick was waiting for Meghan to pick him up and take him home.

“Your ride is here, Mr. Russo,” the intake nurse said. He picked up his bags and headed towards the doors. Dr. Rama intercepted him.

“Let me walk with you, Rick. I’ll officially hand you off to your friend. I don’t always do this, but you’ve been an exceptional patient. I want to see you two leaving here together, like a ‘happily ever after’ scene in a movie. Just remember, unlike romance films, a lot of work is necessary to have successful happiness.”

“Got it, doc,” Rick replied. “Don’t worry. I know I’m better, but I’m not so cocky as to think I’m finished healing. I’ll keep the appointment with you on Friday.” He then smiled wide; Rama noticed

“I can’t wait to see Meg again, even though we’ll just be shaking hands for now,” the big man said. Rama punched the unlock code for the facility doors, and they walked through. But Meghan wasn’t there.

“Surprise, big guy” said a wavy haired blonde girl in a skirted power suit; Lizzie. “Meg had to work the full day, and she was already on shaky ground with her boss over the schedule changes and a missed shift or two. So you got me taking you home. I borrowed my brother Sammy’s truck; my little Miata wasn’t built for giants.”

“Lizzie – this is Dr. Rama,” Rick said. “He’s been my shrin – uh, psychiatrist - here.”

Liz’s eyes narrowed. “You’re Dr. Ramanathan? You’re nothing like your picture. I did a search on your name and Passages … and the impression I got was of a middle aged, chunky guy. But you … “ Liz stared at the doc. He was trim, fit, dark skinned, and had a hint of stylish stubble on his face. Early thirties, Lizzie guessed. No ring on left hand.

“Ah. I’ll bet you pulled up my cousin," the doc answered. "He’s also a Dr. Ramanathan – psychiatrist, same as me – and he heads up the Passages hospital in Kissimmee, Florida. In fact, his recommendation helped me get the position at this Passages facility.”

“I hope you’ve been doing right by my friends Rick and Meg. If not, I’ll have to come and teach you a thing or two,” Lizzie said with a slight grin.

“Ah … “ Dr. Rama looked suddenly flustered “Well, If you feel you have to, I wouldn’t mind.” He then glanced down to this right holding his gaze maybe a little too long.

Omigod. He just did a wedding ring check on me! Liz thought. She pulled out a business card and wrote on the back of it. She then handed it to Rama. “if you need any help with investments, please contact me. It was really nice to meet you.” She and Rick then walked out to the truck.

“Didja write your cell number on the back?” said Rick as they got in.

“Yes,” Liz smiled. “Along with two words.”

Rick grinned and nodded. “CALL ME. Right?”

~o~O~o~

Meg tasted the pasta dish she’d whipped up. “Perfect,” she said, smacking her lips. “Tasty, but not too filling. Leaving plenty of energy for later.” She removed her apron and walked into the living area to view how she looked. Her low cut green spaghetti strap blouse needed something; she put on the petite gold jacket she’d pulled out. “There we go.” The black miniskirt with dark hose and green pumps were the perfect complement. Her red hair was in an attractive “up-do” to keep it out of the way while she cooked … and for another reason too. She reviewed her mental checklist: “Candles lit … lights dim … soft guitar music … wine – wait, WINE? Omigod, don’t tell me I forgot the wine!”

The doorbell rang. Too late to get wine now, dammit. Oh well. She hopped eagerly to the door and opened it.

There stood Rick in a jacket and tie. His eyes lit up upon seeing Meg, and he broke into a huge smile. “Wow. Just … wow,” he said. He extended a bouquet of huge red roses to her. “I tried to get some blooms that would match your beauty, but that’s just impossible; these were the closest I could come. I also brought the vino, as promised.” He produced a bottle of Sauvignon blanc in his other hand.

“Whew!” Meghan exhaled. “That’s right, you said you’d bring the booze. Pretty classy booze, too.”

“Are you impressed?”

“You’re doing good, buster. Keep it up!” she laughed. “Are you ready for dinner? Because it’s ready for us.”

~o~O~o~

“MMmmm, Meg. Are you sure you’re Irish? Because you can cook a great Italian supper.”

“This is my 3rd and best attempt at it. I’ve been practicing all week. Be thankful you didn’t have to eat my first go-round with that recipe. How was work today?”

“You’re interested in my work?”

“I’m interested in YOU. I want to be a part of your life – ah, I mean, since we’re dating now, I want to experience every aspect of you – the mundane and the exciting, the ups and the downs. I want to be the best friend I can to you, Rick.”

“I see. What about being more than just friends?”

“Well … you know what today is, right?”

“Oh yes. How could I forget?”

“Almost nine weeks ago, we promised Dr. Rama we’d have no intimate contact for sixty days. And we kept our promise this time. I’m so proud of us!”

Rick lifted his wine glass. “A toast, to completion of the 60 days.”

Meg clinked her glass to his. “And a toast to us.”

~o~O~o~

Now Rick was sitting on the couch in the den, sipping the remaining drops of his glass of wine. Meg had excused herself to use the restroom. She now entered the den.

“I felt a little stuffy so I took my jacket off. Can I take yours from you?”

Rick complied. Meg reached for his Windsor knot, and loosened his tie. “Let’s get you comfy.” She then pulled the pins from her hair, and it cascaded sexily down her shoulders as Rick watched. She slid onto the couch, snuggling up under his right arm and pressing her bosom into his chest. He ran his fingers through her flowing auburn locks as she lay her head on his shoulder. Gently, he lifted her chin with his left arm, and met her face with a warm, open-mouthed kiss. They continued kissing for many minutes.

Now Rick’s shirt was mostly unbuttoned, with Meg’s right arm massaging his hairy chest. His right hand massaged her breast, then her butt.

“Are you ready to move into the bedroom?” she breathed.

“I am. Still worried about disappointing you.”

“Don’t you be. I’m halfway about to orgasm just right now. I know you can make me come without penetration; you did that when we got intimate that first time.”

“Yeah. But I can’t get you that filled-up sensation.”

“If I need that, we can use the brand new sex toy I showed you. I’m worried about you getting satisfied, though.”

“Well, about that. Why don’t we try you sucking on me. If that doesn’t work, well. I’ve been researching that ‘prostate stimulation’ technique you told me about … and … I might be open to you trying that. Just take it slow, okay?”

“Really! Oh, I’m excited to try it. You know, Rick – I think we’re going to be fine. OOOH!”

Meg gasped in surprise as the big man stood up and hoisted her in his arms like a groom taking his wife across the threshold.. He then proceeded to the bedroom.

~o~O~o~

Hours later:

The couple lay naked in bed, entwined together.

“How are you doing, Rick? Emotionally? Are you upset or disappointed at all?” Meghan queried, afraid to outright ask about the S word – suicide.

“Meg – I’m feeling great. Don’t worry. No despair, no hopelessness, nothing anywhere near the state I was in when the Doc committed me.”

“Good. Because I’m still floating in the stratosphere. This was the best lovemaking I’ve ever had.”

Rick craned his neck to look at her. “The best? Come on – I know Derek and you had a pretty physical connection, and his dick –“

“Lovemaking to a woman is more than just penis, Big Bear – and you did all the right things. Foreplay, loving sexy words, rubbing and squeezing and assuring me that you’re super attracted to me. You put my needs first, and you trusted me to put yours first. “

“Meg … I could tell you were putting my needs as your priority. Thank you so much for that. It was amazing,” whispered Rick. “Better than I ever hoped. I came with more intensity than I ever have. You’re a miracle, baby.”

“I lost count of how many times I came! Six … seven? God,” Meghan sighed. “Your magic fingers and mouth - you played me like a violin. I love how you started off gentle and caressing, and then progressed to a hard pounding fuck with the tool. Every sex fantasy I ever had – you made them come true.”

Rick fretted. “How are our future lovemaking sessions ever going to match up to this one?”

“Hahaha! Don’t worry, I won’t expect this intensity every time. But it’s thrilling to know this bliss is possible for us.”

“Meg.”

“Yes, Big Bear?”

“I love you. You are the best friend – and now the best lover – I’ve ever had.”

“I feel the same way, Rick. Every day with you is a dream come true.”

“So … would you be opposed to making this permanent?”

“Um … what are you –“ Meg sat up as Rick moved off the bed. Reaching into the pocket of his pants hung on the bedroom chair, he turned to her and dropped to one knee, presenting her a small box. He opened it, saying “Save my life one more time, Meg. Please marry me.”

She squeaked and screamed as he put the ring on her finger. Then she tackled him to the floor and smothered him with kisses.

~o~O~o~

One year later.

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Russo. Richard and Meghan, correct? I’m Dr Ivanovich. Your urologist referred you here, right? I’m sorry, we can’t find the referral form he faxed to my office. We’re having them re-fax it now. Can you tell me why he sent you to me?"

Rick sighed. “I’m here because I promised my new urologist – Dr. Sawyer – I’d see you once. I always follow doctor’s orders; I learned that the hard way.”

Dr. Ivanovich furrowed his brow. “You know, I’m a plastic surgeon who specializes in transgender confirmation surgery, especially female-to-male cases. Are you a male who was born female?”

Ricks face twisted in confusion, as did Meghan’s.

“Doctor, I’m a transgender female, and I’m married to Rick, a genetic male. Neither of us wants to change our current gender. There must be a mistake?!”

Rick spoke. “My urologist said I might need removal of the rest of my penis. It was severely injured during a botched circumcision when I was a baby, and I had a bad motorcycle accident last month that damaged it further. The pee-tunnel is having trouble staying open, and it will lead to bladder and kidney damage unless we remove the obstructed part of my dick.

“I’m not looking forward to having it amputated totally. I guess I felt like I at least had a dick, even if it was deformed. My old urologist – Dr. Hill – always told me nothing could be done to help it.”

The plastic surgeon now was nodding. “Oh, okay. I think I understand. I’ve heard of Dr. Hill; he retired at what, 85? That may explain a lot. Sometimes as we docs get older, we don’t keep up with new developments. Your new urologist – Sawyer – is at state-of-the-art surgeon; I've worked with him on many cases.”

Rick and Meghan looked at each other, then back at Dr. Ivanovich. “Are you saying that Rick wasn’t getting the most up to date advice from his previous urologist?”

Ivanovich sidestepped Meg’s question by asking one of his own. “What about sensation and function in your penis – as in, erections and stimulation?”

“I can’t get anything like a hard-on. The head of my penis can still feel, though, and I get a lot of pleasure when Meg pays attention to it.”

Meghan nodded, with just a hint of blushing. Discussing their sex life with doctors – especially a new one – was still a little uncomfortable.

The doctor examined Rick’s groin area, then sat down to talk to the couple again.

“Have you been disappointed in your lack of a fully functional penis, Rick?”

“I – um – nearly killed myself over it. But I got help from a good psychiatrist. And the unconditional love and affection of my wife here has made life and sex enjoyable in spite of my defect. I just worry that it’ll be even harder for me to get an orgasm if it’s totally cut off.”

“Well, you absolutely must be able to empty your bladder; if it’s getting obstructed from scarring, that’s a problem. But tell me – have you ever heard of phalloplasty?”

Rick shook his head.

“It’s the creation of a functional penis – one that you can pee through and have intercourse with – in a person who doesn’t have one. I create them for transgender males, and for men with penises amputated due to trauma or cancer. I’ve developed new techniques that can salvage any stimulatory tissue and use it to give yourself pleasure as well as your partner. It’s not as good as a natural penis, but I’ll bet I can give you more than you’ve ever had. Interested?”

Rick looked at Meghan with an inquisitive face.

She replied “I’m going to love you – and make love to you – penis or not, Bear. I’ll stand by whatever you choose.”

Rick turned back to the doctor. “Hell yes. I’m interested!”

~o~O~o~

THE END

~o~O~o~

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