A lifetime of reflections, Joanie’s final purge: “You Hook My Bra and I’ll Hook Yours”

Our story follows Joanie from a confused childhood to her Golden Years. Joanie reflects on the events and quirks of fate that led her to becoming Joanie. At 72 years of age, flashbacks and self reflection, allow us to better understand her lifelong search to understand ‘how’ and ‘why’. “Why me?” she asks.

(This story is semiautobiographical adult fiction. Explicit adult content. There are six chapters. All rights reserved. Comments appreciated.)

Chapter 1 of 6

Overview - Why me?

Our story follows Joanie from a confused childhood to her Golden Years. Joanie reflects on the events and quirks of fate that led her to becoming Joanie. At 72 years of age, flashbacks and self reflection, allow us to better understand her lifelong search to understand ‘how’ and ‘why’. “Why me?” she asks.

The story jumps around a bit but that’s what can happen in your Golden Years; that’s also what happens when you condense so many years into a brief snap shot. Indulge Joanie a bit and appreciate her story, appreciate her life. You may have many things in common with Joanie. Have you ever asked yourself ‘how’ or ‘why me’? Are you curious?

Chapter 1 - The Final Purge

72 year old John, also known as Joanie, was sitting on the floor of her walk-in closet sorting through an old open foot locker that contained belongings and memories of John’s female alter ego, Joanie. Rarely used since her marriage the box was more of a pleasure chest than it was a foot locker. Widowed a few years earlier (after 52 years of marriage) Joanie was tying up loose ends prior to, God forbid, suddenly becoming gravely ill or passing away.

In the two years since Emma’s passing the friends that had said “we’ll stay in touch” had stopped coming or calling. John had cut back on his forays out of the house preferring to tend his garden, sit at his laptop, surf the web or watch television. As the months passed John’s presence faded and more of Joanie emerged. Emma would have approved. And so would Michelle.

As you age beyond 60 and beyond 70… into the twilight of your life, age spots appear, your brunette hair grays and you grudgingly come to terms with your own mortality. The feelings of a need to downsize become more frequent and more urgent. You decide that you don’t want anyone having to sort through, toss out or try to understand all your femme acquisitions after you’ve died. It would be best to neatly tie up loose ends while you’re healthy. You can’t sort or purge from a hospital bed or mortuary.

The purge begins – sorting things out

As usual Joanie wore basic morning makeup; lipstick, a bit of blush and a touch of mascara. There was no need to go all out, just enough to look pretty and feel more feminine. Her high cheek bones helped with that image.

Joanie’s platinum white hair perfectly accented her Sapphire earrings and made her beautiful vibrant blue eyes stand out. Her below- the-shoulders hair was pulled back into a perky ponytail as it kept her hair out of the way as she worked.

Joanie was wearing her comfortable clothes which on this day consisted of a very cute and practical jumper and a matching peach colored panty and bra set. The bra was a snap in the front style. Hooking her bra in the back, by herself as she used to, has become impossible over the last few years. With Emma’s passing there was no one to help. Their long standing promise of “You hook my bra and I’ll hook yours” was no longer an option.

The closet

Over the course of a couple days Joanie had already reduced her large walk-in closet of clothes and shoes to 1/10th of what it had been. It was a slow and memory provoking ordeal. It was difficult to let go of her beautiful dresses and matching outfits. Some of her clothes were too formal or revealing for her ‘Golden Years’. There no longer was a need for party dresses or business skirts and blouses. The same could be said for some of her high heels and shoes. 3 and 4 inch heels were for the youngsters. Why risk breaking a hip?

On the first day of the final purge Joanie began by sorting and discarding her beloved Emma’s clothing and shoes. It was a sad process. Joanie was wearing a pair of beautiful gold and Sapphire drop earrings that she had been given by her wife on their fifth wedding anniversary so very long ago. Joanie always shared her jewelry with Emma and these earrings were their favorites.

Emma’s clothes had remained untouched in their walk-in closet since her untimely passing two years previously. Each garment that Joanie sorted brought distant memories flooding back. Joanie brought a chair into her closet in order to sit and determine what to do with each piece of clothing. Each item reminded her of specific moments in their lives. Joanie went through a half box of tissues throughout the day as she silently cried while sorting.

Removing a classic ‘little black dress’ from Emma’s side of the closet Joanie reached over to her own side of the closet and removed an identical dress from a hanger. They had bought a couple of identical outfits for a very special cruise of which the LBDs were just one. Joanie hugged them close, sat down and closed her eyes. There was a slight hint of their favorite perfume on them. Memories of a very special 10 day anniversary Caribbean cruise from years ago came flooding back.

Flashback – The cruise

The cruise was designed for cross dressers, friends and families. The cruise theme was “ A ‘Trans’ Caribbean Cruise”. The cruise was a 10 day total immersion period of non judgmental liberation for Joanie and Emma. The crew had been trained and briefed on what to do or say and they were trained on what to not say or do. It was the ships eighth voyage for gender fluid people. There would be no awkward issues on this cruise. Emma had researched it in detail and suggested that they take it.

The spring time cruise was a beautiful, life changing experience for them both. Prior to the cruise Joanie and Emma had no idea that there were so many likeminded couples. The cruise dinners, dances, and social events were amazing as was lazing by the pool and spa. Joanie stood up and grabbed the beautiful two piece swim suit she had worn. She recalled the unique tan lines she acquired. It was interesting to meet and interact with other cross dressers and their significant others in a pleasant non-threatening environment.

There were many cruise activities, seminars and social functions for those that wanted to participate. There were hair and nail salons, couples spa opportunities, Fantasy Foto studios, raffles, make over options along with all the other traditional cruise features. Shore excursions were to CD/TG/ Gay friendly locations. In other words the cruise was perfect.

On board seminars covered many topics including how to present as female, voice lessons, legal issues, do it yourself gaff and breast form making, makeup advice, how to cope and many other relevant topics.

Joanie was ecstatic when she won a free set of state of the art silicon breast forms after a seminar explaining ‘How to Present in Public”. They looked so very realistic and they felt fabulous. It was a dream comes true! Even the nipples were perfect. Joanie couldn’t wait until she got back to her cabin to put them in her bra. Emma mused “Wouldn’t it be nice if they could figure a way to add flavor to those nips?!” Emma knew that sucking and nibbling Joanie’s nipple were a special turn on for her.

By day two it was obvious that all willing passengers had taken advantage of the included facial make over. The less than perfect makeup you saw on day one was gone. Eyeliner, eye shadow and lipstick were distinctly better. You only need to relax on a lounge and observe.

Emma had arranged a three hour ‘Fantasy Foto’ sessions for Joanie and herself which fulfilled several fantasies for them both. Complete costumes, props and help with makeup created the illusions Joanie had craved for years. The photos of her as a beautiful bride were amazing as were pictures of her as a cheerleader, sexy boudoir style photos, runway model and Las Vegas showgirl. The sexy ‘Joanie as a nurse’ photo was good but not on the same level as the others. Emma had ordered the same photo fantasies for herself.

The final photo session consisted of a few staged soft-porn Lesbian girl-on-girl scenes of them both. For an extra fee the studio filmed a 4 minute video. The entire process was very erotic for the two beautiful women. Joanie had to work very “hard” at remaining flaccid for the entire shoot. The session was time and money well spent. Glorious pent up relief came afterwards when they got back to their cabin.

The end results were amazing. The pictures and video would be a source of visual memories and stimulation they would enjoy forever. They were in a special photo album from the cruise photo studio. In gold embossed letters the album was titled: “A ‘Trans’ Caribbean Cruise”.

The social events and dinners made them new friends. One couple, Jan and six foot tall Jill, invited Emma and Joanie back to their mini suite to get better acquainted. The couples eagerly shared some of their personal details and experiences. Before the night was over they were all stripped down to their lovely lingerie. The lingerie comparisons gradually evolved into a more adult form of sharing. It turned out that the foursome had a lot in common. Halfway through their get acquainted session Jill had to call room service for more towels, linens and champagne. All agreed that the cruise would never be forgotten.

On the second day of the cruise they went for a mani/pedi session (their nail extensions were beautiful), followed by a hair salon appointment. The hair salon did wonders for Joanie’s appearance. Joanie was initially apprehensive about the way they had thinned and arched her eyebrows but Emma convinced her to relax and go with the flow. Joanie was so relaxed that she agreed to have blonde highlights added to her hair. She was easily enticed into getting an additional ear piercing. The pearl stud, contrasting with her three inch gold hoops, added to Joanie’s look. A full body wax and hair removal treatments fulfilled another long standing desire for her.

The two of them talked about getting matching navel piercings but decided against it while on a cruise. There was swimming and Jacuzzi time that they would have had to avoid while their piercings healed.

Other memorial moments of the cruise for Joanie were relaxing in the swimming pool in her one piece swim suit in plain view of everyone. The fact that there was no judgment or giggling by guests or crew was exactly what she needed. The resulting tan lines were an added bonus.

And there was the after dinner cocktail party with a live band where Emma and Joanie slow danced while wearing their identical little black dresses. Emma snuggled on Joanie’s neck as they made their way around the dance floor. Later in the evening, and after a couple of Mai Tai’s, they kicked off their heels, leaving them under their table, and glided to the music. It was a blissful time. A casual observer would have wondered about all the pretty ladies dancing together.

Not on the ship’s agenda were the intimate times that Joanie and Emma had spent in their stateroom and private balcony. The sense of freedom was fantastic.

When the cruise began it was John who had nervously walked onto the ship with Joanie in a suit case. When they disembarked ten days later it was a beautiful Joanie in a flirty yellow sundress, and her equally pretty girlfriend, that confidently strode down the gangway and onto the dock. Her matching straw purse, sun hat and oversized tortoise sun glasses were a nice touch. She was smiling humming Lou Reed’s ‘Walk on the Wild Side’ as they left the ship. These pleasant shared memories would last forever.

Next – Chapter 2: Back to the closet

(Authors like comments and constructive criticism. Please leave a comment. Thank you.)

A lifetime of reflections, Joanie’s final purge: “You Hook My Bra and I’ll Hook Yours”

Our story follows Joanie from a confused childhood to her Golden Years. Joanie reflects on the events and quirks of fate that led her to becoming Joanie. At 72 years of age, flashbacks and self reflection, allow us to better understand her lifelong search to understand ‘how’ and ‘why’. “Why me?” she asks.

(This story is semiautobiographical adult fiction. Explicit content. There are six chapters. All rights reserved. Comments are appreciated.)

The story jumps around a bit but that’s what can happen in your Golden Years; that’s also what happens when you condense so many years into a brief snap shot. Indulge Joanie a bit and appreciate her story, appreciate her life. You may have many things in common with Joanie.

Chapter 2 of 6

Our story follows 72 year old Joanie from a confused childhood to her Golden Years. Joanie reflects on the events and quirks of fate that led her to becoming Joanie. Her story culminates in her final purge.
Joanie explains how it began; being an only child and being raised by a single parent you need to sort things out.

Previously

When the cruise began it was John who had nervously walked onto the ship with Joanie in a suit case. When they disembarked ten days later it was a beautiful Joanie in a flirty yellow sundress, and her equally pretty girlfriend, that confidently strode down the gangway and onto the dock.

Chapter 2 - Back to the closet

Being Joanie on an almost full time basis had become easier and more frequent since the passing of her wife and love of her life, Emma. 52 years make for many adventures and fond memories. Some of the items Joanie was letting go were sexy lingerie sets she had received as birthday and Christmas gifts. As she sorted and culled clothes and shoes she found herself holding an item to her breast, closing her eyes and reminiscing. A certain blouse or camisole might have a lingering hint of perfume and Joanie would inhale and savor the memories. One particular royal blue garter belt made her smile. Joanie put it in the ‘keep’ pile. An occasional tear would slide down Joanie’s cheek as she determinedly went through with what needed to be done. Not all the tears were tears of sadness.

Reaching for yet another Kleenex Joanie blotted her tears and removed a wad of mismatched nylon stockings from her foot locker. She shoved them into a lawn & leaf trash bag. The nylons joined a well worn 15 inch length denim mini-skirt, a couple of blouses, an old panty girdle and a few other feminine items that had assisted John’s frequent transformations into his femme alter ego “Joanie” over the past 67 years.
Pausing a moment Joanie retrieved the denim mini-skirt from the discard bag. She was recalling how nice her nylon clad legs looked while wearing that skirt. Recalling the many walks with her Emma while wearing that skirt Joanie placed it atop a growing pile of “keep” clothes. Joanie checked the skirt pockets and found an old movie ticket stub that was still there.

The movie ticket stub was from a sentimental chick flick movie she and Emma had attended a few years ago. Joanie recalled being very nervous about being out in public. Emma had held her hand and it helped Joanie to relax and walk into the theater. Emma was thoughtful enough to have bought their tickets.

Joanie remembered how they had both cried at a couple of the more tender scenes. They shared tissues from Joanie’s purse to wipe their tears. Emma had gently rubbed her nylon covered knees in an effort to sooth her. Joanie could remember the movie but couldn’t recall the name of the movie. Getting older has a way of robbing a person of details. At home, later that night, the sex had been particularly great. It must be true that you remember the things that are important to you.

Delving again into her ‘hobby box’ Joanie pulled out 3 rather well worn bras. One was a purple 38 B underwire, one was a turquoise push up Wonder Bra and the other was a black wispy sleep bra. The elastic in all bras was old and stretched. She removed a bra extender from one bra, placed it in her romper pocket, before placing them in the waiting trash bag.

A drawstring make-up bag was the next item she removed from the old locker. Opening the bag Joanie emptied the contents into the trash bag. There were the usual items that you’d expect to find in a woman’s purse or on her vanity; mascara, fine tipped brushes, false eyelashes, several well used pallets of eye shadow and several other expired cosmetics. All went into the trash bag.

Spying a familiar tube of lipstick Joanie pulled it out of the discard bag and pulled the top off. She extended the lipstick and inhaled a pleasant memory from days gone by. Using a small makeup mirror from her cosmetics discards she used it to apply a coat of her favorite color to her lips. She pressed her lips together to even out the color. Joanie retracted the lipstick, replaced the cap and added the tube to her romper pocket. It’s difficult to let go of fond memories or a good lipstick. The aroma and flavor caused a familiar and pleasant stirring in her crotch.

Joanie grabbed a pair of well worn open toed silver lame wedgies and carefully placed them in her goodbye bag. The shoes made her recall a business trip to New York City, over 40 years ago, where she made a point of visiting a famous specialty boutique that catered to transgendered and cross-dressing clients; Lee’s Mardi Gras Boutique. Finding a woman’s shoe that would fit her size 13 wide foot had been difficult. None the less her search for a shoe with a proper fit had been fun. There were so many other items to see and explore; wigs, gaffs, false eye lashes, fetish clothing, literature, erotica and sex toys.

Retrieving a pair of shiny black, 3 inch heeled pumps she smiled. The shiny pumps were one of Joanie’s prized items. Images of her tottering around the house, while practicing to walk in them, came to mind. Smooth hard floors were easier to walk on than soft carpet. It was a wonder that she hadn’t hurt herself. She had bought them from a web site promoted on her favorite TG/CD/Alternate Lifestyle web site; Big Closet Top Shelf.

Retrieving a black thigh high nylon from his discard bag Joanie removed her gold anklet and effortlessly pulled the stocking on. She put the ankle bracelet back on over her stocking and slipped a high heel onto her right foot and extended her leg in a manner that gave her the best view. She wiggled her ankle and smiled as she admired what once was her favorite femme shoe. Pulling her foot back she removed the ankle chain, the pump and nylon and placed them both in the bag.

“Dang”, she lamented, “I wish I knew someone to give these things to”.

Peering into her secret stash Joanie gathered up a medium size wad of lingerie. Quickly sorting through the clump of clothes she set aside a pair of peach colored nylon tricot pettipants, one pair of sexy tap pants that had delicious lace trim and a rather attractive but very short half slip; all of these items had been frequently worn by her under her male clothes over the years. It’s difficult to get rid of ‘old friends’ and besides she thought she should be able to get a little more use from them. She placed these items in a growing “keep me” pile.

Peering again into the footlocker Joanie’s eyes lit up as she retrieved an old photo album. The album was marked “A ‘Trans’ Caribbean Cruise”. Holding the well worn album brought a smile to her face. Wanting to spend some time with her deceased wife Joanie stood up and brought the photo album to her writing desk for a proper viewing. Joanie lingered and savored each page. Time seemed to stand still.

To get a better understanding of what Joanie was dealing with it would be best for Joanie to explain how she found her feminine side and accepted Joanie.

Flashback – Over the years

Joanie explains

My "hobby" began when I was 3 or 4. My parents divorced and mom had fled from suburban Minnesota to the big city of Kansas City I the mid 1950s taking a job as a waitress at The Copper Kettle Café in order to support the two of us. Coffee was .10 cents a cup and her tips were small. I had no siblings.

Home was a twelve story hotel. I recall my mother occasionally painting my nails after she had painted hers. I’d sit, fascinated, watching her get dressed and do her makeup as she got ready for work. Maybe these daily observations were the beginning of my interest in girly things. Leaving for work she’d drop me off at a babysitter.

The young girl next door to my sitter was my age and always wore pretty skirts and dresses. They were always colorful and much different from what I wore. When the young girl would run or twirled around her dresses would billow like a parachute. Her dresses and skirts looked like fun to wear… unlike the jeans and t-shirts I wore. I wanted to wear what my playmate wore.

One day I asked my baby sitter if I could wear a dress too. I was told no. I asked again and added “pretty please’ to my begging. I was denied again. I persisted in what I thought was a simple request. On the third day I begged for her to let me wear a pretty dress. Shortly after being dropped off at the baby sitter on the fourth day of my quest the sitter called me into a bed room. Displayed on the bed was a beautiful blue dress! It was just like what the girl next door wore. It was just what I desired. It tied in the back and it had a bow. My sitter told me that she’d help me get dressed but she admonished me with “Don’t tell your mother.”

I rushed to the bed and picked up the object of my desire. I had no way of knowing that dresses and all things feminine would become a lifelong desire. Is this when I became infatuated with girl clothes? As I aged I’d always wonder ‘WHY’ and ‘WHEN’.

In a flash I had shed my jeans and t-shirts and was finally wearing my first item of girl clothes. I was ecstatic as a young boy could be. It was like getting your first puppy. I skipped and I hopped and went about my day as usual. They only difference was that I was not allowed outside wearing the dress. I didn’t understand why. This secrecy about wearing clothes of the opposite gender was with me, and haunted me, for most of my life. Apparently me wearing dresses was to be kept secret.

As I grew I knew I was a bit "different" with my interest in girl’s clothes, make-up and nail polish. “Girl” is what I wanted to emulate. Maybe I actually wanted to “BE” that girl. I knew girls were different. Perhaps I thought their life was better than mine. Perhaps I thought dressing would make me feel happier. At such a young age who really knows “why”? So why not join their club; even if it was only occasionally and part time. The search for “why” would never leave me.

“Do what you can, when you can”. It’s better than repressing your need to be “you”.

At such a young age you go with instincts; base instincts. I was too young to have formulated anything about such advanced concepts like social norms or gender norms; concepts of shame, embarrassment and being gender ‘wrong’ were just making themselves known to me. All I knew was don’t tell mom. Don’t tell mom evolved to ‘don’t tell anyone’. Secrecy became important.

I played cowboys & Indians with other 6 year olds and was glad when I could wear the cowgirl skirt, vest, red boots and cowgirl hat…we all loved and watched the Roy Rogers & Dale Evans TV show. I recall wearing a ‘poodle skirt’ when playing house with my playmates. It wasn’t a problem for them. I soon found out that it was a problem for the adults.

“Boys don’t wear that… boy’s don’t do that… Good boys don’t…” And there are consequences if you do. Some consequences are subtle. Some aren’t so subtle. It became clear the idea was ‘do not get caught’.

Elementary school had me investigating and enjoying nail polish and lipstick. I used crayons and colored art pencils as nail polish. More than once I had to explain away to my mother and friends that my slightly colored lips were due to popsicles.

Mom remarried and we moved to sunny and warm Southern California. I was the new kid in town and was desperate to make friends and become accepted by my peers. While searching for friends I meet Michelle.

Next – Chapter 3: Some boys do! (Not work place safe)

(Remember authors like comments and constructive criticism. Please leave a comment. Thank you.)

January 2019 "Reader Retention Contest"

(This story is semiautobiographical adult fiction. Explicit content. There are six chapters. All rights reserved. Comments are appreciated.)

Chapter 3 of 6 (Not work place safe)

Our story follows 72 year old Joanie from a confused childhood to her Golden Years. Joanie reflects on the events and quirks of fate that led her to becoming Joanie. Her story culminates in her final purge.

Have you ever been the ‘new kid’ in school, feeling alone and in need of a friend? I find Michelle and Michelle finds Joanie. It was a summer of discovery that I’d never forget.

Previously

Mom remarried and we moved to sunny and warm Southern California. I was the new kid in town again and was desperate to make friends and become accepted by my peers. While searching for friends I met Michelle.

Chapter 3 - Some boys do!

Throughout elementary school I had acquaintances but never had a close friend or buddy.

In junior high school, during the early 1960s, I found a friend who was more involved with his feminine side than I was. Mike also was an only child. He was a year older than me. We were the same height. His single mom was raising him by herself and worked 10 hours a day trying to make ends meet. As a result Mike was left unsupervised most of the time and he had found unique ways to occupy his time. He could be called a ‘latch-key kid’. Since Mike lived only two blocks from me he and I became buddies. It turned out we had at least one thing in common. We spent a lot of time together.

I happily discovered that I was no longer alone with my ‘weird desires and thoughts’! I watched as Mike applied lipstick, painted his nails, dressed in his mother’s clothes and wore her shoes. With my very willing participation I let him paint my lips with his mother’s lipstick (“Cherries in the Snow”). Since Mike’s nails were painted (and looked pretty) I let him shape and paint my nails too. The polish matched my lipstick. This day was a very big step in my life; it impacted my life forever.

I was cleaning my finger nails before going home when Mike suggested that I leave the polish on my toes. “We’ll be The Pretty Nails Club” he quipped. “Just keep your socks on around your parents.” Mike was a gentle soul and would become a mentor to me in more ways than I could have ever imagined.

The next day I returned to Mike’s house or Michelle as she called herself when in femme mode. She was already wearing tan colored pantyhose, a laced trimmed yellow bra, lipstick and nothing else. No panties allowed me to see her flaccid cock. She had several bracelets on her right wrist. I was clearly intrigued by what I saw. All her nails were a bright red again. “Wow, your legs look so nice” I said. I was talking about legs but was staring at her penis. Michele noticed my staring and smiled. “Yes, legs and dicks do look nice with hose and they feel even better to the touch. Nylons with heels make legs look even nicer. Care to try a pair?” she asked.

Without hesitation I enthusiastically said “Oh, yes that would be great!” Michelle said “I’ll show you the proper way to put on stockings. Remember that you can’t just tug them up your legs. There’s a method you need to follow. First you must roll them up in a special way before you begin to put them on or else you’ll rip them. Before we begin you need to slip into some proper panties and a bra. You should never wear hose without panties.” Michelle handed me the lingerie she wanted me to wear. They were bright red.

As I was shedding my jeans, t-shirt and boys underwear Michelle tossed me a tube of his mother’s lipstick and told me to put some on. I did. Oddly enough the red color matched my borrowed lingerie. I was struggling with my bra when Michelle came over, adjusted the straps and hooked me up. Stepping away she playfully snapped my bra strap. “You can do the same for me someday. Remember you hook my bra and I’ll hook yours. That’s what friend’s do.” she quipped.

Standing in only panties and bra, as instructed, Michelle looked at my feet and commented “I’m glad you left your toe nail polish on since it matches your panties and lipstick”. I’m not sure why but I was glad that she had noticed. “Let’s go into my bedroom so we can get you into some pantyhose”.

I had watched my mother put on her stockings many times before. I knew how it was done yet I said nothing. I willing went into Michelle’s bedroom.

Michelle had me sit down on the edge of her bed. Michelle sat down next to me; she held a pair of sheer black pantyhose that she had rolled up in a special way. Extending my left leg and pointing my toe as she requested, Michelle leaned over and positioned one leg of the hose on my left foot. She began rolling the nylon up my leg to just below my knee. “You got to do a little at a time. Don’t be in a hurry if you want to have pretty smooth legs. Now extend your right foot”. Michelle repeated the process and stopped when this hose was in the same place as it was on my left foot. “Carefully stand up, turn around and face me” she instructed. Michelle remained seated.

I stood and made a hobble turn hop and was standing facing Michelle. “Come closer” she beckoned. Her voice sounded different; almost sultry. I was standing between her legs and my panty encased pelvis was level with her face. The nylons were bunched around my ankles. Michelle blew a prolonged but steady stream of air directly onto my panty hidden crotch. I felt her warm breath and my penis began to involuntarily swell, my mouth became dry and I felt lightheaded for an unknown reason that my young brain didn’t fully understand. Michelle stared straight ahead. She blew again. Without looking up, and while staring at my panties, Michelle softly said “Here comes the fun part. You need to slowly and evenly pull your hose up each leg like this”. Following her own instructions Michelle bent over and expertly rolled the hose the rest of the way up my legs. Black nylons contrasting with red lingerie are a beautiful sight.

Looking up and into to my eyes Michelle said “A proper girl needs to smooth out her hose. Wrinkles aren’t lady like.” While maintaining eye contact Michelle used both hands to slide and smooth the wrinkles from each leg. She began at my ankles and drew her hands upward. Her hands were so gentle. It felt great to have someone caress my legs.

The feel of the nylons combined with her touch had my knees quivering. Michelle stood up and we were belly button to belly button. She smiled at me charmingly and said “You need to make sure that the rest of your pantyhose are smooth; not just your legs”. Using an open palm she began to slowly stroke my crotch in slow repeated upward movements as if she was petting a cat. It felt so good that my breathing became more rapid and my knees became weaker.

“Look how I’m smoothing your nylons. See how much better they look now? It feels nice for me to smooth your nylons doesn’t it?” I broke eye contact and looked down. I was barely able to gasp out an agreement. I nodded my head and demurely said “Yes, my nylons look much nicer and yes, smoothing them feels incredible.” I was panting with pleasure by now. Michelle stopped her stroking but left her hand on my well defined lump. I was in heaven.

Speaking softly Michelle pointed out that it appeared that her nylons weren’t smooth all over either. I took the bait and reciprocated with the same smoothing and stroking of her nylon covered crotch. I could feel the heat and firmness of her cock through her panty hose. My penis twitched. So did Michelle’s. It felt delightfully naughty. I let my hand linger on her bulge enjoying a new experience; my first cock. She pressed my hand more firmly to her penis. On purpose Michelle made her dick throb making sure that I felt it.

Without stopping her ministrations on my boy bulge Michelle leaned forward and kissed me. I could taste her lipstick. She gently caressed the length of my cock several times from the outside of my pantyhose. I made my dick throb for her. It was all so very pleasant. My penis was beginning to protrude above my hose. As I reciprocated her kiss Michelle pulled my pantyhose and panties forward enough to be able to run her thumb tip around and around the pee hole of my raging hard-on. It was yet another first for me. It appeared I was leaking something. I was naïve about preseminal fluid. Whatever it was it made Michelle’s rubbing of my cock head more slippery and more erotic.

Reaching deeper into my panties Michelle grabbed and hefted my ball sack. She briefly and gently massaged my balls. Releasing my balls Michelle encircled my dick with her warm hand and gripped it snuggly. Using her thumb again Michelle began doing what she knew would give me the most pleasure. Her snug grip was warm and affectionate. By reflex I reached into her panties and grasped her cock. Whatever Michelle would do I would reciprocate. I found her wetness. She gasped and leaned a bit closer. We continued to make out.

Michelle then grasped my penis like you would hold a coke bottle and began to slowly and gently stroke my shaft up and down being sure to spread my wetness along my shaft. Her stroking felt nicer. I returned the favor. We may have been standing there for hours for all I knew. What I did know is that I didn’t want the moment or the slippery sensations to stop. It was a new and beautiful thing.

Michelle broke our kissing and pulled me onto her bed. I didn’t resist. Sitting on her bed she kissed me again but this time she inserted a little of her tongue into my mouth. Her tongue probed. My body quivered and I tongued her back. Our tongues entwined. I thought the day couldn’t get any better as I was experiencing yet another, incredible, first. I squirmed a little and she gently laid me back as she straddled me. Lying on top of me she ground her nylon covered crotch into my nylon covered crotch. The slow humping and rubbing made my dick harder than it had ever been before. I experienced lust and desires that I never knew existed. Both of us wearing pantyhose made it all the more erotic. In retrospect I think that made me Michelle’s ‘bottom’.

Michelle stopped kissing my lips and lifted my bra for ease of access. Her mouth and tongue moved to my nipples. She sucked, nibbled and kissed each of my nipples into a delightful hardness. I loved it then and I still love it today!

Next - Chapter 4: Michelle straddles me (Not work place safe)

(Remember authors like comments and constructive criticism. Please leave a comment. Thank you.)

A lifetime of reflections, Joanie’s final purge: “You Hook My Bra and I’ll Hook Yours”

Our story follows 72 year old Joanie from a confused childhood to her Golden Years. Joanie reflects on the events and quirks of fate that led her to becoming Joanie. Her story culminates in her final purge.

Have you ever wanted to take a less traveled road? Have you ever regretted not taking a different route or trying something different? Michelle showed me the way; I have no regrets. Over the years I have wondered where and how she got her ‘road map’.

(This story is semiautobiographical adult fiction. Explicit content. There are six chapters. All rights reserved. Comments are appreciated.)

Chapter 4 of 6 (Not work place safe)

Previously

Michelle stopped kissing my lips and lifted my bra for ease of access. Her mouth and tongue moved to my nipples. She sucked, nibbled and kissed each of my nipples into a delightful hardness. I loved it then and I still love it today!

Chapter 4: Michelle straddles me

Michelle stopped and sat up still straddling me. Her butt was just below my knees. Maintaining eye contact Michelle hooked her thumbs into my pantyhose and panties and with surprising expertise she pulled them both down to knee level in one swift move. My cock waved in her face.

Reaching over to her night stand Michelle retrieved her tube of “Cherries in the Snow” lipstick and, while I watched from below, she made a show of applying it to her lips. Without asking she leaned forward and began coating my lips like she had the day before. I pursed my lips to make it easier for her. When she was satisfied she returned to an upright position and put the shiny gold tube back on the nightstand.

Michelle smiled and reached out and gripped my waiting penis. She gave it a few strokes as if she was trying to milk me. “Why did you need your lipstick?” I breathlessly gasped. Without missing a stroke she grinned and said “Watch and learn.” She leaned forward and kissed the tip of my dick making sure to leave a lipstick print. She kissed my cock head again and ran her darting tongue along the underside of my shaft. Her next move was to engulf my dick with her mouth and begin a sensual sucking and milking motion while tonguing my shaft. I literally swooned and may have temporarily blacked out.

Michelle kept doing what she obviously wanted to do. She bobbed her head up and down to her own rhythm. She kept a nice seal with her lips. The object of her desires popped free with an audible ‘pop’ sound. After she had dampened my shaft to her satisfaction she dove deep and pressed her lips tightly at the base of my shaft. As she withdrew, milking me with her soft but firm lips, she purposely imprinted two more color rings on my dick. One ring was right below the corona. She made me groan with a pleasure I had never felt before.

Popping free she sat up and proudly pointed at my shaft. “You asked about the lipstick. Check the love rings I gave you. I was marking territory!” She giggled as I raised my head off her pillow and looked. Indeed there were very well defined red rings circling my dick at various places. Michelle looked so proud. My head collapsed back onto the pillow. It was all nice but somehow I felt a little let down by this fantastic first experience. It was as if I was missing out on something. I grabbed my dick. My pretty red nails looked so sexy wrapped around my shaft. I began the same stroking moves that Michelle had just introduced me to. I felt like I needed to finish something but I didn’t know what.

Michelle slapped my hand away went back to licking, sucking and milking me with her warm soft mouth. I felt ‘something’ building deep within me, something I had never felt before, something that I needed to have. Michelle added a new twist to my enjoyment as she continued to bob; she tickled and teased my anus with her index finger. Adding some of the love slime from my dick to lubricate her finger Michelle began to wiggle her finger firmly into my virgin hole while continuing to fellate me. She made it to her second knuckle, and began using an in and out fucking motion going as deep as her finger would allow. I was being finger fucked. It felt so good. I gripped her finger and curled my toes. My clenching didn’t slow her down. Michelle bobbed her head and swirled her tongue until I convulsed in what was my first orgasm. I felt myself squirting. Each squirt caused another convulsion which caused another squirt. It was deliriously delicious. It was a beautiful thing!

I heard another popping sound as Michelle uncoupled from my glistening penis. Looking up at Michelle I saw that her cheeks were slightly bulging. I was so very grateful. Michelle immediately leaned forward to kiss me and I anticipated more kissing and tongue. I was ready I thought. Pressing her lips to mine I felt her tongue and I lightly sucked it into my mouth. As Michelle pressed her lips more firmly to mine I felt her slowly transfer warm sperm that she had just drained from my dick into my mouth. I found myself with a mouthful of my own sperm. That action caused me to reflexively squirt again. I swallowed. Michelle had saved some for herself. She nudged me and made a point of letting me see her swirl it around in her mouth before swallowing. She kissed me again.

My sperm didn’t taste bad and I tongued her deeply looking for more. Using my tongue I coated my lips with my own essence. My penis and I went totally limp. I lay there, staring at the ceiling, feeling exhausted but feeling complete. The final post orgasm feeling of bliss is what I was missing just minutes earlier. I had found something very special. I no longer felt unfulfilled. Michelle lay next to me.

After a few minutes of rest and reflection Michelle sat up. “Did that feel good?” she asked. With no hesitation I said “That was a beautiful thing”. Michelle smiled, retrieved her lipstick and removed the cap. She looked at it for a short while and began to slowly stroke her penis into a very fine erection. She stopped the stroking and pressed the tube into my hand. “Here, let’s see what you can do.”

I sat up and smiled. I gently gripped her hardness and gave it a few loving strokes. It felt good in my hand. I applied a liberal coating of color to my lips and replaced the cap on the lipstick. Handing it back to Michelle I shifted to a better position. I first kissed her on the lips, probing her mouth with my tongue as she had done. I then kissed the tip of her cock being sure to leave a bright red imprint. I took hold of her penis, pulled it to me and sealed my lips firmly just below her corona. I slowly sucked her dick deeper into my mouth being sure to wet her shaft with my tongue. Michelle groaned in appreciation and I began marking my own territory.

Fully satiated a half hour later we found ourselves lying in bed holding hands enjoying a special glow of contentment. “You did extremely well for a beginner. I’d never have guessed this was your first time performing a blowjob. And you swallowed. It was great. Thank you.” “I noticed one thing Michelle; your sperm tastes different than mine” I said. We giggled a bit. “We best clean things up as your mom will be home in an hour.” We did. As I was about to leave I had removed the pantyhose and bra when Michelle said “Keep the panties but wear them the next time you come over. I have a lovely skirt that I want to see you in. Mom has a couple of old wigs that we should try.” I agreed.

Just before I left Michelle said “The name John really doesn’t suit you after today. You look and behave more like a Joanie. May I call you Joanie during our special times?” I thought a moment and with a big grin I said “Yes, Michelle. Joanie sounds pretty and girly. Call me Joanie. I’d like that.” I walked over, kissed her and left.

Michelle and I spent summer afternoons painting each other’s nails, trying on her mom’s dresses and skirts and experimenting with makeup and eye shadow. I became comfortable wearing high heels. Michelle taught me how to slow dance. We perfected individual and mutual masturbation. Her bracelets sounded like sleigh bells as she stroked herself or me. It was a landmark year in many ways. I had found a ‘sister’ that shared my secret desires; desires I didn’t know I had. I discovered a sense of girly fashion and feminine mannerisms that has served me well. I also became proficient at sex. I learned from Michelle that wearing lipstick while performing a blowjob acts as a lubricant while bobbing up and down a firm shaft. It also helps prevent chapped lips.

Many times after a love session we showered together. The first time we showered together was because Michelle said we needed to get the bright red rings off our dicks. She would soap and wash my shaft and then I would soap and wash her shaft. Of course it was a lame excuse but I was an eager participant. During one shower session I suggested that maybe I could remove her love rings using only my mouth and tongue. I found myself on my knees giving Michelle one of the best blowjobs of my young life. It didn’t work but it was exciting to try. It became a routine thing.

Michelle suggested that we needed to keep our backsides and ‘rose buds’ squeaky clean which led us to incorporating digital penetration in to our repertoire. That process led to other things and it was in a comforting warm shower that I lost the last remnant of my virginity. It was a beautiful thing.

After each love session, prior to leaving for home, Michelle would always give me two mints to take with me. “You wouldn’t want anyone to smell me on your breath, would you?” The mental image of mom smelling my breath and asking “Is that sperm I smell?” always made me laugh.

Michelle was a very special person in my life and I’m grateful that we met. She taught me so many things other than makeup application and removal. Michelle was the cause of my first wet dream. Even as I slept my Michelle had an effect… a pleasant, sensual effect.

Regrettably my step dad took a job with a new company and my family moved to another town leaving my lovely Michelle as a beautiful memory. We swore we’d stay in touch but sadly that never happened. As parting gifts I gave her two pair of slinky shear black nylons and a gift card to Ulta cosmetics. Michelle gave me a lovely pair of crème colored tap pants, a tube of lipstick and a tin container of mints. I recall her saying that they might come in handy some day.

We had kissed goodbye and as I was about to leave she handed me a small gift wrapped package. “Open it now.” I took her gift and tore off the wrapping. It was a sleek, five inch, battery operated, two speed vibrator! “When you miss me use this and think of me and all our good times.” She kissed me tenderly on my cheek; tears were running down her cheeks as I left.

I thought I would never have sex again. I was wrong. While at a mountain summer camp near Big Bear Lake a few months later, while feeling lonely and missing Michelle, I allowed a handsome older camp counselor to entice me into the forest. Afterwards, when I returned to my cabin, I immediately popped a mint into my mouth, applied chap stick and began tweezing pine needles out of my knee caps.

NEXT - Chapter 5: At Home: Joanie reflects

(Authors like comments and constructive criticism. Please leave a comment.)

Chapter 5 of 6 (Not work place safe)

Our story follows 72 year old Joanie from a confused childhood to her Golden Years. Joanie reflects on the events and quirks of fate that led her to becoming Joanie. Her story culminates in her final purge.
Have you ever taken the road less traveled road? Joanie reflects on how she evolved, on her first purge and how she became a living dress form.

Previously

I thought I would never have sex again. I was wrong. While at a mountain summer camp near Big Bear a few months later, while feeling lonely and missing Michelle, I allowed a handsome older camp counselor to entice me into the forest. Afterwards, when I returned to my cabin, I immediately popped a mint into my mouth, applied chap stick and began tweezing pine needles out of my knee caps.

Chapter 5 - At Home: Joanie reflects

During middle school my mother occasional used me to stretch her new high heels. Too tight on her my feet fit her heels fairly well; her heels just needed to be broken in. My after school assignment was to wear her heels around the house while watching TV, going to the kitchen, to the bathroom, etc. I’d break-in her new shoes until they were comfortable enough for her to wear them at work. In fact wearing her shoes was educational and exciting to me. I didn’t complain.

I discovered that thin nylon ped socks or knee high nylons were needed in order to slip into mom’s shoes. Imagine that! I “needed” to wear nylons. Michelle would have been proud of me. I have to agree that I was truly fortunate. It was Michelle and mom that helped Joanie develop as a young woman.

Mom used to sew and mend her clothes in her youth. She used a sewing machine and made clothes from Simplicity patterns. We were about the same height so I became her living dress form as she adjusted her hems or tried a new pattern. She used straight pins, a tape measure, scissors, tailor chalk and me. I didn’t complain.

To make sure her skirt hems were straight and level when she wore heels I also had to wear high heels as she finalized the hem length of her skirts and dresses. If heels were not worn then the hemline would be off… I was told. It seemed reasonable to me. Again, I did not complain.

While she was working on a pretty ‘top of the knee’ dress mom was having difficulty in getting the darts of the breast area correct. It seems my flat chest wasn’t helping her project. Taking a break from her efforts she told me to relax while she had a cup of coffee in the kitchen and collected her thoughts. While she was in the kitchen I went to her bedroom and put on a blue underwire demi bra that I just ‘happened’ to know would fit me. I stuffed the cups, as usual, with some of my socks and went back to the den to complete my dress form duties. Standing in high heels and nylon stockings, while wearing a bra and dress, truly thrilled me. Somehow it made me feel complete.

Returning from the kitchen mom paused as she noticed my new endowments. She looked me up and down while collecting her thoughts. After a few moments she commented, “I think you saved our project.” She made no other comment. Having me wear a bra became a regular part of her seamstress projects. I became very proficient at tucking my male bulge. Michelle would have been proud of me. I often wondered what mom must have thought about the initiative I took. I also wondered why I didn’t have the courage to dress like that when not being a human mannequin. Life has regrets.

Based upon my experience wearing mom’s and Michelle’s 4 inch heels is why, later in life, I bought sensible black pumps with only a 2 ½ inch heel. (Thank you mom, thank you Michelle) After age 55 I switched to a more practical, more stable ‘chunky’ heel rather than the traditional spike heel.

A need for Joanie to look more girly

It was during eighth grade that I realized that my ‘boy’ eye glasses distracted from the girly image I desired. I plotted on how to obtain a prescription set of cat eye ‘girl’ eye-wear. I knew I could steal the frames but how could I get prescription lens? In eighth grade I got contact lens! Problem solved! My female self image took a large boost. My first contact lenses (mid 1960s) were hard, rigid and tough to get used to. My parents were amazed at my dedication to getting used to them. The desire to appear more feminine is a fantastic motivator to a young cross-dresser. I made the lens work and was ecstatic that I had them.

During my high school years Avon Cosmetics sold make-up door to door and always left several mini sample tubes of lipstick, makeup and a catalog. Oh, how I looked forward to their visits and freebies. It gave me a chance to experiment with flesh tones and lip colors. I went through a phase where I’d wear two different colors of lipstick to create a color that was uniquely mine. A white lipstick with a darker color on top of it makes for an interesting shade. You should try it sometime.

The Kinks classic song “Lola” and The Beatles “Get Back” became my personal anthems.

Live and learn

While babysitting one time, when the kid was asleep, I tried a neighbor’s bright red lipstick. It really looked cool on me but I didn’t like the smell or taste. I thought it made me look too slutty. It was then that I realized that I was a Revlon Super Lustrous Moon Drops sort of girl which smells and tastes great. After a couple hours of wearing the red, and just before the parents were due home, I diligently went to remove the lipstick. It would not come off! It would come off a little but the red stain remained. I was panicking.

I retrieved the lipstick and read the label on the bottom of the gold tube… it was a “Long Lasting 24 Hour” type of lip color! Oh, my God! I used soap and water and I finally used cold crème like Michelle had taught me. I can truthfully say that I don’t like the taste of cold crème. I rubbed, scrubbed and repeated. I rubbed my lips raw but finally, just in time, dulled the color to a passable normal boy lips. Damn that was close.

During high school I evolved to more frequently wearing bras, panties, panty girdles (with nylon stocking ready garter clips) and nylons/pantyhose in general. Considering that mom had found it perfectly fine for me to be her living dress form and shoe stretcher I found no problem in borrowing her clothing, lingerie and cosmetics. Summer vacation from school gave me eight hours to be Joanie while my parents were at work.

There was a lazy summer day, when school was out and the folks were at work, that I put on a pair of panties, pantyhose, painted my finger nails and colored my lips. I went about my day feeling pretty and feeling special. I had eight hours to do and wear what I wanted. I spent the day applying and reapplying a variety of pretty lipsticks and nail polishes. I cleaned my nails and just before mother got home from work I cleaned my lips with wet tissue, soap and water. I tossed the stained tissue in the toilet but forgot to flush the evidence.

Later in the evening mom called me into the bathroom and asked me about all the red stained tissue in the toilet. I thought I was going to die from fear and embarrassment. Looking into the toilet bowl I tried to sound unconcerned and said “Oh, I painted a model car and cleaned my brush”. She looked at me closely and reached over and flushed the toilet. “Flush next time” is all she said. Did she believe me? Probably not. But she didn’t say anything more, didn’t make a fuss or worse of all, and didn’t mention it to dad.

On yet another occasion my lips were sporting a bit of color when mom got home and I was asked “What’s that color on your mouth?” I explained it away as being from a cherry Popsicle.

Dad came home early one day and I had to quickly pull on my Levis to hide my hose. I wasn’t wearing socks to cover the easily visible reinforced toes of my nylons, just tennis shoes. If he noticed my taupe stockings he never said. I guess that's part of the excitement. It was about this time in my life that I discovered that if your wear two pairs of stockings/pantyhose that your hairy legs go un-noticed when wearing a skirt or dress. The sensations and feeling of sliding on a pair pretty lace trimmed panties or pettipants on top of hose was always exquisite. Pettipants, or slip pants as they are called now were perfect for me.

First purge

It was in 10th grade when I had my first ‘purge’ of all my girly stuff. Guilt and shame can make a person do lots of things. I tossed Joanie’s clothing collection out and swore I would be a ‘good boy’ and never indulge in cross dressing again. This is easy to say but difficult to do when the urge and need to feel girly runs so very deep. I think this purge compulsion can be traced back to age 5 when I was forbidden to go outside if I wore a dress. “Boys don’t wear dresses.”

From personal experience and research I learned that cross-dressers typically go through a series of “binge and purge” episodes regarding their female clothing stash. You acquire some nice clothing, make-up and literature; you feel guilty, vow to cease and desist and toss (purge) out your collection of feminine things. Then you start all over until the next time. I have gone through this cycle at least three times. But the urge, need and desire to express the Joanie side of me never went away

NEXT - Chapter 6: Conclusion - What am I, will it go away and why me?

(Remember authors like comments and constructive criticism. Please leave a comment. Thanks you.)

A lifetime of reflections, Joanie’s final purge: “You Hook My Bra and I’ll Hook Yours”
(This story is semiautobiographical adult fiction. Explicit content.)

Chapter 6 of 6

Our story follows 72 year old Joanie from a confused childhood to her Golden Years. Joanie reflects on the events and quirks of fate that led her to becoming Joanie. Her story culminates in her final purge.
Joanie gets married, does her military duty, looks for answers and grows old: a final purge

Previously

From personal experience and research I learned that cross-dressers typically go through a series of “binge and purge” episodes regarding their female clothing stash. You acquire some nice clothing, make-up and literature; you feel guilty, vow to cease and desist and toss (purge) out your collection of feminine things. And you always restock.

Chapter 6 - What am I, will it go away and why me?

In high school I began researching the subject of transvestism as I struggled to discover WHAT was ‘wrong’ with me, WHY I had the desire and ‘need’ to look feminine. I was fearful that I was gay. (At least not since tenth grade). What accounted for my desires? What is such a person called? Would I get over my ‘condition’? My research answered many things but it didn’t explain WHY. I accepted the fact that I'm a cross-dresser, always will be and "it" isn’t going away; so I decided to make the best of it! This self revelation made life easier.

Pick a term: Eonism, transvestism, cross-dresser, closet queen, transsexual, transvestite (an out of date term I’ve learned), sissy, deviant, CD, TV, tranny, she-male, he-she, etc. Call me whatever you want it doesn't change anything.
Looking for answers I read every newspaper article that I could find on the subject. Day time TV talk shows introduced me to the Tri-Ess Society. Tri-Ess: Society for the Second Self is an international educational, social, and support group for heterosexual cross-dressers, their partners, and their families. Books on the subject of cross dressing fed my quest to know and understand myself. I continued to wonder “why me”?

“Femininity… is a set of attributes, behaviors, and roles generally associated with girls and women. Femininity is partially socially constructed, being made up of both socially-defined and biologically-created factors. … both males and females can exhibit feminine traits.”

“Traits traditionally cited as feminine … vary depending on location and context, and are influenced by a variety of social and cultural factors…” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Femininity. It’s an interesting piece of the puzzle but it doesn’t give me the “why me” that I was searching for.

Not un-expectantly I have empathy for others, I’m sensitive and I have a gentle side. There’s more to being feminine than clothes, makeup and jewelry.

After my military experience I discovered cross dresser friendly Empathy Press that was based in Seattle. Run by Charles “Cathy” Slavik Empathy Press specialized in a different type of literature; Erotic fiction. I got a PO Box and ordered literature; lots of “literature”. What a shame that the internet had not been invented yet. The PO Box allowed me to order clothes and things easily and anonymously.

Military & marriage

Purge two

Leaving for the military was both exciting and stressful. Prior to leaving home I went through my second purge of Joanie’s things. I didn’t want family to find my panties and nylons. It had to be done. Both of these life events slowed Joanie down a bit but did not scare her away for very long.

Marriage

Emma became the love of my life. I didn’t want to blind side Emma with Joanie and had, over time, left a few conscious and unconscious clues of her presence. There had been a tube of lipstick in my glove box, a lingering bit of perfume on my shirt, a hint of color on my cuticles, my overt appreciation of feminine fashion style, etc. I wasn’t a ‘flaming’ cross dresser but I’m sure I glowed on occasion. A year or so into our marriage Emma confided that when we first started dating that she had definitely felt a bra band under my shirt as we hugged on several occasions and had wondered about the lipstick marks on my coffee cup while visiting me at my apartment.

One evening, while driving to no place in particular, I told her that before we wed that she needed to know about a very special person in my life; a person that would always be in my life but who was no threat to her or our marriage. I parked in a mountain road pullout, shut off the engine, set the brake and turned to face Emma.

Joanie explains to Emma

I explained to Emma what cross-dressing was and who Joanie was. Emma listened intently. I concluded my explanation by showing her a picture of Joanie in full femme that I kept in my wallet. Taking the photo from my hand Emma gazed at it for moment and commented “She’s very pretty. She could be your twin sister.” “She is” I replied. Emma gently took hold of my hand and said “I always wondered why your hands and nails looked so nice. Actually, that’s not true; I wondered why your nails were so well shaped and pretty.” She leaned over, kissed me, and continued: “Thank you darling for confiding in me. I’m sure I can live with that. There’s room in our life for the three of us.”

Emma reached into her purse, grabbed her lipstick, removed the cap, extended the lipstick and asked me to lean towards her. Firmly holding my chin Emma slowly coated my lips with Copper Rose. She then pulled me close and kissed me on my mouth. Emma then touched up her lips and was going to put the tube back into her purse. She paused a moment and then handed me the gold cylinder. “Give this to Joanie the next time you see her. Tell her the color will look nice on her. I’m looking forward to meeting her.”

We were married three weeks later. Throughout our marriage Joanie was never a problem. On our wedding day Emma hooked my bra and attached my nylons to a beautiful Emerald green garter belt that I wore under my wedding suit. The garter belt matched my panties, bra and tap pants. All were a gift from Emma to Joanie. In fact it became a running joke throughout our marriage: “You hook my bra and I’ll hook yours.” Our honeymoon evening and the days and years that followed were sensuously satisfying. There were no complaints.

A couple of years later we bought a comfortable 3 bedroom, 2 bath house in the San Gabriel Valley of Southern California. We literally made it our love nest. Except for my military experience we never left it for long. We never had children so we never out grew it. The years went by too quickly.

Post military, we move

My military stint found me stationed in Texas. After my discharge Emma and I moved back to California. I let my hair grow to shoulder length. It fit well with the hippy era of the time. During a 4 - 5 year period I became proficient at curling and setting my own hair. Emma’s ‘hot curlers’ were quick and efficient. She took photos of me with my long ‘hippie hair’ styled hair in rollers and curlers. We enjoyed experimenting with skinny curlers, large curlers and curler placement; it all makes a difference. Tight curlers were my joy. I learned how to effectively rat my hair and I enjoyed the femme effects I could get by teasing my hair. Unscented Aquanette hair spray became my best friend.

Cross Dressing: I’ve already covered the youthful Joanie

In my adult life, with Emma’s approval, I've worn stockings, panties, lingerie and bras under my work clothes. I discovered that wearing a t-shirt, in addition to a shirt & tie, hides your camisole and bra straps. No one ever called me on it. Wearing an A cup bra feels great and doesn’t draw attention; it hugs your body and doesn’t create an odd bulge. At home I wore a B cup. As I aged I found a B cup bra, used with a bra extender, did a fine job and discretely supported my man boobs well. Emma took it in stride. “Be cautious” is all she asked. And, in respect to Emma, I always was.

I appreciate painted nails, smooth legs, stockings, tap pants and ankle bracelets. Pierced ears were, in my mind, one of my most daring exploits. I had both ears pierced in my early 20s. They significantly added to my feeling of femininity. I like the feel, weight & sway of earrings and I like the taste and smell of MY lipstick. My pierced ears and love of lingerie made for easy Valentine, Christmas and birthday gifts.

In terms of having smooth legs I have used Nair, Veet and razors. Arm pits are a razor thing. All things considered I feel that shaving legs is quicker, easier, more convenient and less messy/stinky than a depilatory. On our cruise Emma arranged to have our legs and under arms waxed. As mentioned I found out that if you wear two layers of stockings that any leg hair or stubble is not noticeable. I shared this trick to a female friend while dressed in femme at a Halloween party. She complimented me on my eye makeup, nails and dress and then asked how my legs appeared be so smooth. (I think she really wanted me to admit to having shaved my legs.)

In fact I have worn pantyhose and knee highs while snow skiing. They function as a very thin ski sock which helps with my ski boots. They also provide added warmth just like thermal underwear. I initially got questions about this from my ski buddies. I was never in a hurry to remove them after a hard day of skiing. I also liked to see and feel them as we relaxed back at our lodge après ski. I always remove my toenail polish before skiing rather than risk an awkward round of questions by the ski patrol or ER staff if I was to have an on-slope accident.

Because my Emma and I didn't have a blue nail polish I picked one up. We share. For St. Patrick’s Day Emma bought us a nice Kelly Green polish. I'm lucky that Emma had "tolerated" my feminine side over the years. Actually she fully embraced it. The Trans’ Caribbean Cruise was a testament to her long time acceptance. In return I kept my girly side discrete... even in liberal California. Except for that brief period in my pre-teens I'm hetro (if that matters) and have always been true to Emma. I was never looking for a relationship with anyone but Emma. One morning we woke up and found that suddenly we were ‘seniors’. We truthfully never saw it coming. No one needs 'drama' in their lives, especially in their so called ‘Golden Years’.

Back to the ‘Trans’ Caribbean Cruise photo album

Taking a break from sorting her closet Joanie had brought a photo album back to her writing desk for a proper viewing. Each picture was special. Their cruise photos made extra special memories come flooding back. Some pictures were nostalgic, some were tear producing and some, mainly from the Fantasy Foto session, were pleasantly erotic.

Savoring the final page of the album Joanie paused and thought ‘I can trace when my cross dressing began, I can trace Joanie’s evolution and I know Joanie will never leave me but I still don’t know why. I guess I just got lucky.’

Dabbing the running mascara from below her eyes Joanie leaned back in her chair, let out a deep sigh, and slowly stood up. Leaving the well worn album on her desk she returned to the closet to finish what needed to be done.

Joanie quickly bagged up Emma’s and her remaining belongings and set them outside the closet. Making final decisions Joanie quickly filled waiting bags with the clothes she no longer needed or wanted, keeping a modest amount that would last her the rest of her life.

Setting her last bag next to Emma’s discards Joanie took a deep breath and stared into an almost empty closet. Standing in the closet doorway she paused; Joanie said a prayer.

“Thank you, dear Lord, for an amazing life and an amazing wife. I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Please bless my Joanie and tell her I’ll see her soon. And, if Michelle is with you, tell her I said hello. Amen.”

Joanie flipped the closet light switch off and closed the door.

The End?

PS - To Michelle: I hope you find this story. Meeting you changed my life. Thank you.

--- Photo is from the 1960s -----