I am Robert Joseph Anderson, but most call me Rob. The past football season was my last. The Coach had me at 135 pounds playing tackle, which translated ‘no future in football.’ I practiced all season, often scrimmaging against our varsity defensive tackle who was an inch shorter and weighed 211 pounds. I played for the junior varsity team; I only played two plays on offense, two on defense, and a bit more on special teams. That was not for one game but for the whole season.

I was picked on at school now and then by various bullies. I knew it was not as much as others, partially because I was fast, in good condition, and would hit back. My biggest nemesis was Dane Munster, it should have been Dane Monster Incorporated. He was some forty pounds heavier than me and had no less than two goons with him at all times.

Our school like everywhere else has an anti-bullying policy, but that ended with a piece of paper. Vice-Principal Miller was the head of the discipline. Who, for unknown reasons, would not discipline Dane and company unless they’d bother particular girls of good standing. Boys were supposed to be able to speak up or protect themselves. Speaking up and following the rules was no help.

My Dad was a well-respected doctor and my mother was an instructor at a nearby community college. Neither would use their good standing in the community to garner favors at our school. I have three older sisters: Shannon, Sierra, and Sonja; who were very bright academically and well-behaved at school. Only Sonja was still in high school. She spent much of her time at the community college taking college courses for credit since they were paid for by our high school.

There was a day that little went my way. It was the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. Football for us was over two weeks ago. Dane and three of his friends jumped me going home from school on Monday.

Dane was upset with me because he wanted to date Anne and he wanted me to leave her alone. She wanted no part of him and he knew it. He blamed it on me because I was one of her friends and we often talked together.

I knew Dane would be upset with me again on Tuesday and I decided I was ready for him. I had put my coat into my locker and taken out my books and stuff for my morning classes. I guess I made the mistake of saying, “Hi” to Anne who has the locker next to me.

Dane and his friends shoved me into the lockers sending my books and computer to the floor. Where they were kicked them some more. He must have expected me to pick them up before I threatened him and he would threaten me again. I was already angry and upset when I came to school, knowing he’d be after me. I knew I could get in trouble for planning to strike back, but I had had it.

I ran at Dane put a shoulder into his ribs and slammed him against the lockers on the other side of the hall. But the thud was different and I knew something more had happened. Therese Jeters had walked into our path and was hurt.

Everyone, I mean everyone, likes Therese and I’m no exception. I quickly gave up the notion of fighting and knelt apologizing to her and tried to help. Dane kicked me, someone hit me on the head. But when they heard Vice-Principal Miller was coming they got lost.

I had a cut on my hand that left a smudge on Therese’s face as VP Miller pulled me away. “Okay Bobbie Jo, I see you got someone hurt this time.” He let someone else get the nurse to take care of Therese. I was taken to the office, read the riot act, and given two weeks of detention with the possibility of suspension. Fortunately, that was up to Principal Evans to decide about anyone being suspended.

I felt bad that Therese had gotten hurt, and knowing I was part of the cause made it worse. But I grew angrier and upset when VP Miller wouldn’t hear anything I said about Dane first attacking me, nor would he ask others. I did poorly on a quiz I had during the second period of classes. I had lost my history homework when I fell against my locker. My friend Ray had gotten my books and computer but decided not to waste his time on the scattered papers. That too would cost me a poor grade for that day.

Even lunchtime was not good. No one would sit with me because I hurt Therese.

Finally, the school day ended and I was up to the detention room to start my punishment. I received a note to take home that my parents were to come with me to school early in the morning. That meant I most certainly would receive a more severe punishment. I could accept that if it meant Dane’s to be severely disciplined as well.

When the roll was called for detention, I became upset and grunted because Dane wasn’t on the detention list. The teacher Ms. Hughes told me, “You be quiet Rob Anderson. You have no room to say something after what you did!”

I was silently steaming inside when I saw Dane through the doorway to the hall. He and his friend Ted both made faces. Ted called me by the Vice-Principal's pet name for me. “Bobbi-Jo! Bobbi-Jo! Bobbi Jo, can you come out to play? …They left when Ms. Hughes went to see who it was. Moments later they were back, “Hey Bobbi-Jo we have a dolly for the baby to play with.”

Ms. Hughes told me to cool down, but I never liked being called a ‘baby’. I grabbed the desk and rose a little from my seat. The teacher said, “Rob, sit down; you don’t want to get into more trouble.”

While she was talking Dane motioned with his hands for me to come and fight him. I was okay until he called, “Chicken, chicken!” while Ted Jenkins imitated one.

That got me standing again but not yet moving toward the door. That was when Ms. Hughes said, “Sit down and do as I say!”

I yelled, “You need to tell Dane and his friends to do the same.”

“I sent a note to the office. They’re not our problem, you’re the one who caused all your trouble today.” Dane and Ted were clucking like chickens, and I finally had it and made it for the door. Ms. Hughes with an extra serious tone of voice, “Do not go out that door, young man. Sit like a good boy and fold your hands!”

I ran out the door and looked down the hall but Dane and the others had disappeared. I was in the hall and thought I could hear them, maybe in the boy’s room. Vice Principal Miller appeared at one stairway and as I turned to go the other direction teachers, Jones and Hansen were heard coming up the other stairway. I bolted for the double doors to the gymnasium. There was an exit and stairs at the other end of the gym.

Cheerleaders were practicing and there were pom-poms as well as basketballs in my way. I about tripped over one basketball, so I picked it up and threw it, and kicked another toward the bleachers. The bleachers were stacked up and the basketball should have only bounced off. But one throw was a bit wild and hit Anne before it hit the bottom of the bleachers. The bleachers had not been tied up as they should have been.

Anne was in the way as they started to fall forward. It was a small section and I knew if I caught it early I could handle it. Which is what I did, but my hand had torn on a jagged edge. Mary and Sharon were there to help Anne. Sharon yelled at me, “You set it down Rob, and don’t move.”

I quickly went to Anne. Sandra hit my good hand away, “You had already hurt Therese, wasn’t that enough?” I was surprised as I touched Anne’s cheek that she was passed out.

Someone noticed my surprise and said, “That will happen when you knock someone down and they hit their head on a hard floor.”

VP Miller quickly arrived, grabbed my arm, and pulled me away, “Nice going Bobbie Jo, now you’re mine and you’re in big trouble.” The school nurse was summoned, but soon there were the sounds of sirens. I could tell it was both the police and the ambulance.

Miller yapped, “That better not be for us! This is a school problem and I have it under control.”

Cyndi spoke up, “I called them, as Anne needs the ambulance. And the police need to take care of the problems you helped to create.”

Principal Evans had arrived, “That is okay Cyndi. You did what you thought was best.” The medics were soon there checking on Anne. They decided to take her to the hospital for observation and further checking.

Two police officers were there asking questions, first of others, then Principal Evans, Mr. Miller, and finally of me. Officer Marcy Hagen said, “It looks like you have problems with anger and girls young man. So which sparked your temper, girls, or your anger?”

I said, “You got it wrong; I’m the one who has problems with bullies.”

Marcy asks, “You’re small, but I didn’t hear of either of these girls bullying you around. Which one is supposedly the bully?”

I said, “It was Dane Munster. It’s been brewing for a long time; this time it started yesterday and I was ready for him this morning. They pushed me; I went to slam him into a locker and Therese Jeters got hurt when she walked behind him. Just now Dane and company were teasing me from outside the detention room when I went after them.”

Mr. Miller interjected, “Dane and his friends weren’t seen anywhere.”

Marcy asks, “So how did that lead you to hurt a cheerleader in the gym here? Did you throw the ball trying to hit this Dane person?”

I knew it wasn’t coming out right again. “No he disappeared and Vice-Principal Miller was trying to catch me for being outside of detention.”

Sargent Marcy said, “So instead of going back into the detention room you came in here to throw a basketball at a cheerleader.”

I said, “I know that is what it looks like, but I was trying to get to the outside exit.”

Officer Frank, came back in, “I checked in with the teacher in the detention room. She said, yes, Robert was there and left after he had problems with someone outside the room. She didn’t see whoever it was, and most of the time didn’t even hear anyone.”

VP Miller was asked about Dane and why he wasn’t in trouble from this morning. “Well, it didn’t make sense that Dane did anything wrong. It’s more likely little Bobby here had decided to surprise Dane by ramming him into the lockers and didn’t care who else was hurt.”

Finally, Principal Evans spoke up again. “I know Sargent Marcy and Officer Rogers that you had been called into this problem. Before you react or decide what you should do. Would you wait? I’ve already sent a note, as well as called Dr. and Mrs. Anderson to be here the first thing in the morning before 8:00 a.m. I’m wondering if you could wait to see what we do.”

They agreed with the Principal but asked me, “What was worth the trouble you got into today? Once you were out of the room and you didn’t see the guys you wanted. Robert, it was two female students that got seriously hurt. The other guy is only mentioned by you.”

“What bothers me, is I like both the girls as friends.”

Officer Marcy Haggen talks to Rob like a sage giving advice, “I’d suggest you take responsibility for the girls being hurt and show some respect to these young women.” Something in what she said resonated as my anger dissipated for now.

Marcy says, “From my asking around, I hear part of the hurt from female students is you usually were better than most guys. It hurt them more because they felt you turned on them.”

“Yeah, I have three sisters, and both these girls I consider friends,” I said. “I would never purposely hurt them.”

Marcy told me, that she was driving him home so I didn’t get into any more trouble today. I responded, “Then you’ll have to stay until my folks get home. Because I’m going to be in plenty of trouble then.”

No sooner had I gone into the house and my youngest sister was there to speak to me. Sonja said, “What’s with the police giving you a ride home? Did you do something more after you hurt Therese this morning?”

“Yeah, I went out of my way and hurt Anne Evans!” I announced. “Mom and Dad need to go with me to the school tomorrow. I’ll probably be suspended by the school and maybe even face assault charges from the police.”

My Mom, Saris, came through the back door coming home from work. Saris’s frustration could be heard but she was holding her temper at bay, “What were you thinking Rob?”

“Truth is Mom, I wasn’t thinking. I was so mad at Dane Munster. He was so rotten yesterday and he started it again today. If Therese hadn’t stepped in back of Dane I’d have slammed and hurt him for a change. I didn’t intend to hurt Therese, I didn't know she was there; I couldn’t stop soon enough.”

“At least, I stayed around and tried to help her. I didn’t run as Dane did.”

Mom says, “And you have gotten off to a good start in school this year. That might get ruined if you get suspended. Why in the world, did you mess it up more by leaving detention? I heard you took your frustration out on sweet Anne Evans. Why!”

Sonja said “Mom? You and Dad have to come up with something good if Robbie’s not to be suspended!”

Mom asked, “How is Anne Evans related to Principal Evans?”

Sonja said, “I’m not sure they are; I know she’s not Anne’s mom. Principal Evans’ youngest graduated two, no, three years ago. I was a freshmyn when Patricia was a senior.”

My cell phone rang and I automatically answered it. Mom quickly told me to hang it up and stay off the phone. However, Anne Evans was on the other end. “Robbie this is Anne don’t hang up.”

“Mom, it’s Anne Evans; she wants to talk to me.” He paused for his Mom’s permission. “Sorry Anne, I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. How are you?”

Anne says, “I’m okay but I have a terrible headache. I’m staying overnight here at the hospital. They’ll probably tell me I can’t cheer any come Friday.”

“I couldn’t believe it when you hurt Therese. Getting Dane wasn’t worth that… When I saw you, I knew you were out of detention too early. I watched you kick the one basketball and scatter the pom poms. I didn’t see the last basketball coming toward me. I did hear it hit those dumb bleachers and hoped I wasn’t close to them. I’m glad you made sure; they didn’t come crashing down on me. I hear two teammates may have helped.”

“You are in big trouble, but I can’t believe you intended any of this. Even the girls that came to see me agreed with me. You’re one boy who we usually count on to be nice.”

Sonja speaks up in the background hoping to be heard. “Anne, he didn’t mean to hurt anyone. Do you have any ideas to keep him from getting suspended?”

“Your sister’s asking me for help?”

I replied, “I’m sorry! She shouldn’t be asking you. I’ve gotten myself into this mess. I need to either think of something myself or take the punishment.”

Anne laughs at the other end, “If you help yourself anymore. A girl will end up dead and you’ll get the death penalty.”

I raised my hands to hide that I was fighting back tears. I heard Anne and my Mom asking if Anne was still on the phone. “Don’t forget your manners, Robert Anderson, in talking to her. You should at least say you're sorry before ending your conversation properly.”

I'm reaching for the phone to talk, when I hear, “I’ll think about it. If I think of something, someone will get back to your sister.” Anne hung up.

I said to my Mom, “She said something about someone getting back at me. I guess I burnt my bridges behind me this time.

We ordered a pizza after Dad got home, but no one had an appetite. Four of us ate five of eight pieces.

Dad was doubly hurt being disappointed and angry with me as he was to perform surgery in the morning. Most of all he was angry and worried about me. “Robbie, did I put too much pressure on you? Should I have spoken up for you before this?”

I was apologizing to my parents, sulking, and taking the blame for what happened. Dad’s trying to take the blame only made me feel guiltier.

Officer Marcy Haggen stopped by after seven o’clock to make sure my parents knew the severity of what had happened. She said, “I will be there tomorrow morning at the school. The Chief wants to make sure this is taken care of. If the Evans girl or Therese Jeters aren’t satisfied; they’ll have the option of seeking civil charges.

It was after eight when someone called, but my sister didn’t recognize the voice. The person said, “Maybe if Rob dressed as a sailor and became the basketball girls’ team mascot.”

Sonja asked, “Rob what would you think about becoming a mascot for the Girls’ Basketball team.”

I readily agreed, “Yea.” But that was before I heard the request to be a woman sailor in her dress blues.

Mom said, “That would be fitting.” Dad, a former medic sailor, said, “If you do that you’ll have to make yourself a respectable mascot. You can’t be joking about it and be in a navy uniform.”

Sonja said, “Your skirt would have to be reasonably short so you could cheer, jump, and do all the cheering motions to excite and rally our fans. But the skirt must be long enough to be respectable so you won’t be making fun of them.”

Mom hurries to say, “This is a great idea and it might keep you from being suspended.”

Chapter 2 is coming…

During the morning Rob was quite noticeable in the office. Word was not completely out about his punishment. His mother did return to the school with an old pair of girl’s shorts as well as a top for practice. Fortunately, the cheer coach requested that he and others plan the new uniform, It was to be in accordance with what Dort, Dorothy of the Destroyers should represent. Dressed in a navy sailor's outfit, using the blue and red, of the school colors, she would assist in the Pledge of Allegiance and salute the flag.

People weren’t sure of the name ‘Dort or Dorothy’ but it was the best they did with short notice. They’d change it if people complained, or decided on something better.

It was decided as the mascot Dort could retrieve basketballs during warm-ups, and assist in cheers. Rob, Dort was to learn the cheers and things like how to jump, kick up her legs, and wave the pom-poms like a cheerleader.

I found myself saying yes to all of this. Having had some dance and gymnastics when I was younger; I knew I could physically do cartwheels, kicks, and more. But neither they nor I were comfortable as a boy doing all this as a cheerleader/mascot in a skirt. I needed to look like a plausible girl. It was decided it would be easier if people saw Dort as a role I would play as part of my discipline. I was to help with behind-the-scenes activities of giving recognition and support to the players and the cheerleaders. That included name signs on players' lockers, sometimes at their homes, for the traveling bus, and more.

Come seven o’clock the next morning I was to meet with Sandy and Sharon two co-captain cheerleaders. The purpose was to begin learning cheers and how to move, including cartwheels. Sharon served notice that I would be getting more limber the more I practiced. I saw that as a challenge as I had thought I was plenty good; especially enough for being a cheerleader which I discounted. Later, watching their moves, flexibility in how they did it with timing; helped me to see there was more I had to improve on.

I thought I had a neat idea, and I had written on my own to several of the destroyer ships based in the Atlantic Ocean about our girl teams representing their ship.

I thought it would be three or more weeks before any reply would be received. Thinking there would be many rejections of the idea as being silly. I decided that I should wait before saying anything.

It was the next Monday when the first mascot uniform was ready for me to try on. Coach Alexis House's Mom took our few ideas and designed Dort's outfit from it. My prayer for it to take weeks was not answered. With that and Sandy, Sharon, and the Cheer coach being satisfied with what I had already had learned, decided, I could help do a limited number of things at Tuesday’s home basketball game.

Word of my participation and wearing the cheer uniform for the basketball game helped to bring out a larger crowd. Co-captain Sandy spoke to me before the game. “You have practiced enough to do the few things you’ve been asked. More important is what I’m asking now: Do not lose your cool, shrink away, or begin crying. It will be mostly boys who will be crude in teasing you that should not surprise you. Don’t be surprised how crass some girls can be.”

“If you can’t do something, freeze at ease or attention like for the flag. Do that as you’re not a trained cheerleader, so we’re not expecting too much. The Wildcats are good rivals don’t embarrass us or yourself with them. Their teasing is usually good-natured. Don’t be surprised if they give you a feminine hygiene product or something else in being humorous. Be forewarned.”

Sonja had me practicing a feminine voice since day one, but it’s hard to sustain in cheering. Coach Alexis’ mother was the one who transformed a navy dress uniform into the mascot uniform. It was three inches longer than the regular cheer outfit but shorter than the Navy's actual uniform. If Dort does a cartwheel the length will be insignificant. It would be the panty showing or the skirt riding up that I feared most.

Thankfully, I will not usually be with the cheerleaders, instead, I’ll standing next to the team bench. That is in part to limit direct contact with the crowd.

I could see Dane was in the crowd and chomping to gross me out. Principal Evans, however, was visible and watching him and other boys who are known to be rowdy.

Scared nervous, I made it through saluting the flag, and during the anthem, I was out two times with the cheerleaders. Then the third and last time in the first half, I heard Dort’s name being cheered.

I had to take part when the cheerleaders met with the Wildcat Cheerleaders at halftime. It is a kind of courtesy and a good sports gesture. Everyone exchanges names. Their Captain, Teri Struthers does give me a gag gift of tampons. She whispers, “For when you lose your balls cheering.” Sandy grins at me, hoping I will giggle or at least not lose my composure

The Wildcats were rated higher and expected by most to win the game. The Destroyers, however, played well and seemed poised for an upset. Then with three minutes to go and a good lead, panic set in. The lead quickly was down to three points. I don’t know why but then as Dort I felt I needed to do something special. The cheer was short but I decided to do one flip and it was when I went and did the second flip totally in the air that brought the hometown crowd to their feet. Inspired, they continued cheering for the team. They scored the next two baskets re-establishing a seven-point lead. There was now a minute remaining and it was the Wildcats who folded.

My sister Sonja was going to give me, her brother, a 6.5 score for my first game as the mascot. But it was soon crossed out with a 9.0 next to it.

I was not planning to stay for the boys’ game, but Sandy said otherwise. “The boys’ cheerleaders were here for our game, we’re all staying for their game.”

I asked, “Can I at least change out of the uniform?”

Anne overheard and asked, “Does Dort have other clothes here?” She paused, “I brought a long navy blue skirt. If Sandy says yes and it fits I’ll let you wear it.”

Upon Sandra and the Coach agreeing, I was escorted to an empty women’s restroom on the third floor. Anne insisted, “Dort needs her lip gloss renewed and to wear some more makeup.”

I was starving and thirsty from all the cheering. I went to stand in the snack line to get refreshments. I was told that the cheer team has sandwiches and drinks, but I had forgotten. It was pleasing to hear Dort being praised along with receiving a hard time. The cheerleaders and I were permitted to leave after the third quarter, but most of us stayed.

I had read two chapters of an assignment during the boys’ game. That was something I never would have been disciplined enough to do before.

With Anne being a friend, I finally confided with her about my having written to three Destroyer ships and crews. The fact I had gotten a reply addressed to Roberta, brought laughter from Anne. “You’re correct Coach Alexis as well as Principal Evans won’t be pleased with your writing without permission. What will save your pretty buns hopefully it’s a great idea. That someone responded will be a bonus for the school.

I gave the letter to her to read: It ended up only being ten days before a reply came from Lieutenant Junior Grade (JG) Fields.
Dear Roberta,
You acting as Mascot Dort sounds like a wonderful challenge for the women Destroyers at your high school. We’re on an Arleigh Burke Class destroyer, it is well designed and crewed for present-day needs. Ensigns Kayla Bowen and Deb Triens will be helping to keep track of our correspondence with you. We’re based out of Norfolk, Virginia, but are in other east coast ports on occasion. You may know when we’re out to sea, but not necessarily know where or what we’re doing or the duration or purpose of a voyage.

Please let us know if this is okay. We have communicated to some of the other destroyers and it was decided for us on the USS Cook to relate to your school.
Respectfully, Lieutenant JG Fields

The fact I didn’t have permission to send such a letter and I knew it was unorthodox, might have gotten me in more trouble. Coach Alexis, come the next morning, escorted me to the Principal’s office. Come Friday morning the Volleyball team and Girls’ Basketball were in their home uniforms for team pictures along with the cheerleaders and me as Dort.

Sonja insisted that I dress as a girl for school and then as Dort for the pictures. I agreed that it made sense but I continued being upset. I didn’t have to like it, but somehow after my little heroics, I did like it a little.

It was the first day for Rob to dress as Roberta and to wear Dort’s uniform for the rest of the school day. I was more concerned with what I’d look like in the team photos than what other guys were going to say. “Thanks, Sonja for allowing me to wear the satin blouse. I think it will make the uniform better for pictures.”

It was right after the pictures that I became concerned about what other boys would say. I was surprised when Brady Thomas came up to me and asked, “Would it be okay if I walk with you to your locker and then homeroom?” He told me, “Anne asked if I’d do it to make sure you got started with no trouble.’ Dane’s friend Tom Junkins tried to bump Brady out of the way. Dane wanted a shot to mess my outfit as well as to hurt me big time.

Fortunately, Brady was able to strong-arm Junkins into Dane’s path. The Vice-Principal was there. He tried to blame Brady for starting the trouble. I responded more as Dort. “Thanks, Brady, I see why Anne had you helping me.”

Someone had correctly guessed Dane was out to cause trouble and had a video of the incident. She even caught Dane’s response to being knocked down. “F* you, Brady, for interfering! Why are you f*-ing protecting the sissy? I didn’t take you for one of them.”

It was Therese with the video and she waited until Vice-Principal officially cited Brady Thomas before causing trouble. She had sent her video to her Uncle as well as the Principal’s office. Dane and VP Miller were soon in trouble with Principal Evans.

It became the second reprimand to go into VP Miller’s file already this school year.

Therese and another girl had hurried me to the next class and got permission to take me to a girl’s room. I hadn’t realized I had cried and messed my makeup. Even my clothes were messed a little. Therese introduced me to Bree and Halsey. All three were nice to me saying, “You should come as Dort more often.”

Brady had numerous guys helping him; many were sick and tired of Dane getting away with things. They decided Dane was to have an accident by lunchtime. It happened there was one hallway still without a working camera and that was where his accident happened.

I was surprised over and again that students were supportive and interested in me as Dort. Principal Evans checked on me in the afternoon. “You know you have practice after the closing bell. I wanted to make sure you’re staying around for the cheer team making banners. Please don’t stop now when what you’re doing is having such a positive impact.”

“But I want out of these clothes, and I have homework to do.”

“There will be a smock to protect your clothes, I expect you there. Your homework is no more important for you than the other girls on the cheer team. Like them, that is your responsibility.”

"Did you hear Dane is being suspended for what he did today?"

Sonja’s in the Pep Band and checked on me after their practice. “You’re getting a better brother. Call me, if you’re out earlier than six o’clock and I’ll pick you up. Anne said you're to ask if she might give you a ride after the game.”

Nothing special happened as the girls won their game. I had helped paint the halftime banner that the girls ran through. Trish, Kaylea, and several other players slapped my backside. They said it was for luck.

After the game, Principal Evans apologized to me saying, “The girls were wrong for patting you the way they did, especially since they hadn’t asked you first.”

Without a pause or thought, I said, “But they did. I guess it was like one of those navy movies I saw. I saw it as a good luck thing. If it were a guy, I’d have seen it as degrading. Being superstitious, they might want to do it until their winning streak ends.” Principal Evans agree and would tell the team, but it was to be out of sight from the public.

As Dort, I was invited out for pizza with the basketball team after the win. I was embarrassed, I never had been invited to take part in anything like that. I went and found myself as one of the girls. Like, two other cheerleaders, I was invited to sit on a basketball player’s lap when all the chairs in our section were full.

I was embarrassed the following week when two pictures from the game of me made our small weekly newspaper. By that time our team had five wins and were ready to play our archrival. Both teams were undefeated so that would change for one team. But the Chiefs are a bigger team, in a higher bracket from when the rivalry had started.

Once again the Destroyers were expected to lose the game and their perfect record.

I got a FB message from our Destroyer’s women. “We’re cheering for you. Remember a destroyer often battles against larger foes and we win. Let them know you mean business and things will take care of themselves. DON’T BACK DOWN!”

I got patted plenty as they came out for the game and it was a close game all the way through. No one got ahead by more than five points. It was the fourth quarter when Kinsey went to swat a ball back in bounds and she ran up three rows into the bleacher.

Our team recovered the ball and everyone went back down the court ahead of Kinsey. She tripped and spun falling. I was sure she was going to hit her head so I reached out to catch her. Her ankle was twisted so she’d need attention. When I yelled for help, I received a foul for being on the court.

I tried to explain, but one official said, “You being on a cheer team should know the rule. Excuses don’t change what you did.” I guess it was a technical foul that permitted them to gain two points as well as keep the ball.

We went from being in the lead by one to being behind by three points. It was the next time out that Sandy said, “At the end of the cheer I want you to run and do your flips and if you can try a split.”

The cheer was simple, “Two bits, four bits, six bits…” as they were saying “eight bits a dollar. All for the Destroyers stand up and holler!!!” I was running, and hit the first flip and then the second flip. Then I was going into a split.

It’s not so easy for a boy and I was no exception. I got up as quickly as I could and people were still cheering. I knew I hurt myself but there was no way I was showing where right then. I went back to standing next to the team. 'it was Kaylea who told me, “Girl, get in the locker room you’re bleeding. Hurry up before it shows. I’ll make sure you get some help.” I did and the Physician-Assistant Meredith Roberts was soon there to check on me.

She checked me, “You’re hurt, but you’ll get over it without much medical help. …The funny thing is you might want to wear skirts this coming week. A pair of pants rubbing up there may cause a sore to develop and make everything take longer to heal. Would you want me to tell the school nurse or your principal, so they allow you to do so?”

We heard a big cheer, but then the crowd became silent. Both of us wondered what it meant. Meredith said with our luck and you not being out there, we probably took the lead, but had a call went against us.’

One of our players Trish has a knack for stealing the ball but like tonight she sometimes gets called for a foul. The person made the first shot but missed the second and Thyme Daly got the rebound. It was thrown down the court and Kristyn was fouled as she shot and made the basket. The extra point was the last point as time soon ran out and we won the game.

I was bandaged and had to put on a new set of panties before I could go out. Just as I was ready, the girls’ team was coming back screaming. They had beat the Chiefs by two points.

Half the players had their shirts and shorts soon off. Now embarrassed I was caught in there, at the end of the game. The players grabbed hold of me taking and pushed me into the showers. I didn’t think they were showing but one girl says, “You have nice panties for a boy.”

I said, “You can’t see my panties!”

Kaylea says, “You have to be kidding. We have sharp eyes and can see what we’re looking for at a good distance. Please don’t be offend we like you.”

Kristyn, our leading scorer, and Trish who made two crucial three-point baskets, and the foul shots weren’t saying anything. That was until I was walking out, kind of hurt. Kristyn said, “Dort, you did us proud when you stepped in there to help Kinsey not get hurt more severely. The worst foul would have been to let her fall like we don’t care.”

Trish said, “It’s you, not the panties that show your spirit. You can’t undo the mistake you made, but you’re showing that you learned from your mistake.” Trish puts an arm around Kristyn, “We believe you’ve brought a new spirit to being a Destroyer woman. …We would like it if you could get us some email addresses to write the women of the USS Cook. And we wouldn’t mind knowing some of the other sailors.”

I don’t know if any of them realized how much it meant to me that they spoke up.

Kris says, “It might not be right but in place of Dort, but I would like Roberta to go get pizza with us. We don’t have to worry about school tomorrow?”

I stepped out of the locker room again not taking their offer seriously. Anne had already talked me into being in girl mode when she took me home. Anne saw my blue skirt and a printed blouse. “So do you want me to take you over to where the team’s eating pizza tonight?”

I said, “How did you know? You don’t seriously mean I’m invited? But how will I get…”

“Stop already! We’re not calling you Bobbie Jo. And yes, seriously you’ve been invited. If you didn’t feel like you’re part of the cheer team before or respected by the players, you should now!”

“Is it okay to call you Roberta as Lieutenant JG Fields did?” Anything was better than Bobbie Jo and somehow Roberta worked for me, better than Robert dressed like this. Anne put down a black pair of shoes with a 2” heel saying, “They like us to wear 2” heels when coming from representing the school.”

I slipped in one foot not expecting it to fit, but it did. It was different enough to cause me to step a little differently. Sandy handed me a purse with a long strap, saying, “Wear it, hanging from your shoulder.” I did but I also held the side of it to Sandy’s car. Anne and I were riding with her.

I sat down with the team, having forgotten that we usually served the team first. Kristyn and Trish sat on either side. Trish asked, “Was the tear to your bottom bad? I could tell you had gymnastics before, but I thought the split was still a bit daring for a boy. Had you ever tried that before?”

I tried to be quiet and act like I didn’t hear Trish. But felt poorly for Trish when she started to apologize. “I’m sorry, I guess I shouldn’t have asked. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

I said, “You didn’t embarrass me. And I want to thank you and Kristyn for speaking up for me in the locker room. It meant more than you understand.” Trish leaned over to squeeze me with a hug. “I think we can.”

“We’ve been playing good basketball since late last year, but it took your help to get the media's attention. …Did you know tonight was our largest crowd in over two years? The past two weeks people came to see you. Some hoping you did poorly so they could give you a hard time. Tonight they came to see you and us both to do well. They were cheering for us. We want to say thanks for your help."

I didn’t realize I’m keeping my feminine voice when I say. “I’ll admit I didn’t expect to like girls’ basketball either. But I like how you play and do so well as a team. You’re playing much better than the boys’ team this year. Hal Thoms even agrees with me.”

I took my time eating one slice of pizza and drinking a diet drink and water. Kristyn asks, “Why aren’t you eating more? Don’t you like pizza?”

“It’s not that. I need to lose some weight to stay in the uniform. I’m weighing more than I should for my gymnastic moves.”=^_^=~
Kristyn asks, “Would you mind if we have you go shopping with us tomorrow. You really should get a couple more outfits if you’re going with us to the holiday tournament December 28-30 in Cherry Hill.”

I had heard about the tournament. It is an invitation-only tournament. Someone must be thinking highly of this team. Kristyn said, “Our win tonight over the Chiefs should have solidified our invite. I don’t think we’ll want to go without you. We heard our ship might even be in New York or Philadelphia for the great ships on New Year’s Eve.”

“We have two games before Christmas and our exams. With Elle coming back from her injury we should be even better.”

I ask, “But why can’t I just be Rob when you’re not playing?”

Sandy says, “Actually you can, but the team doesn’t like the distraction of a guy tagging along with them. If it’s Rob you’ll pretty much be on your own other than the games.”

I say, “You don’t think I’ll be and embarrassment as Roberta or Dort?”

To be continued…

Sandy looks to Kristyn, “One outfit will be for the holidays. Everyone thinks you’ll be cute in a holiday outfit. I even saw one earlier this week that I thought you’d be extra cute in.”

I surprise myself in asking, “Would it be possible to see it and even try it on to see what I’d look like?”

Sandy says, “If you do like it or we find one even better is it a deal?”

Sandy, Anne, Kristyn, Trish staring at me waiting for an answer. I walk a few steps away hoping they’d stop looking. I turned and everyone is staring and Anne has moved to be with me. “What, you don’t actually think I’ll say yes do you?”

Anne whispers, “Yes, we won’t force you, but we’re hoping you’d want to be one of us.”

They’re right I do, Anne gives me a hug already knowing I’m going to say yes. “I can’t believe you’re really wanting me to be one of you after what I had done. But you’re right, I’d like to, the answer is YES!”

Kristin asks, “If you have chores, can you be done and ready by 10:30 a.m.?”

Trish says, “We already talked to your Mother. She said, ‘If you said yes. Your sister Sonja would make sure you’re ready and presentable on time.”

“I swear, I’m not doing this other than this one.”

Mom and Sonja make sure I take care of my makeup, skin, and hair when I get home. I ask, “Why did you expect me to say yes?”

Sonja says, “We didn’t know what you would decide, but the way you are kind of told us. We think you’ll enjoy it this once; we weren’t going to press you to do it.” She says, “If you want, I’ll even change my plans and go along to help you."

I’m taken into the bathroom Sonja uses and she is telling me how to take off my makeup and cleanse my face. “I’m not going to wait on you as Mom does. You have most of the season still ahead of you. You need to learn, especially if you’re going to Cherry Hill.”

It’s not really that hard, and it’s fun doing my face as I see a combination of Rob and Dort looking at me in the mirror. Sonja rolls my hair, saying it’s so my hair doesn’t lose its shape as I sleep.

I planned to sleep late but I’m woken up before six, “What gives?”

“You have chores, breakfast, and to get ready to go shopping. Up and move your tush.” Waking up in teddy bear pj’s is strange. But it’s probably fitting for the day. It reminds me I need a shower or bath and to shave my legs.

I have a waffle with a scoop of yogurt on top. Some yogurt is spread over my face five minutes before I go in the shower.

I hear an older sister, Sierra’s voice, “I had to come home and see this with my own eyes. You’re lucky I didn’t come home after you first hurt Anne. But I like this, I knew since you were little you’d make a pretty girl. I’m glad you’ll have this experience. Hopefully, you’ll remember your lesson.”

Sierra says, “Addie came home with me and Dad says if we want we can take you out on his charge card.”

An unexpected chore is I need to hand wash my delicate clothes. My regular chores are to clean my room and take out the trash.

Sierra knew I always melted around Addie and now as Roberta is no exception. “Roberta, I love your complexion. It is even better than usual. It is like a nice canvas for painting.” Addie’s a thin artist who loves flowing clothes.

She guides me like a sculpturist, with the result my cheeks look narrower, my eyes stand out and my complexion helps the colors to become more vibrant. When Anne comes over, she insists I’m overdressed.

When she meets Addie, she says, “I hadn’t believed it that Addie Hart is really Sierra’s friend.”

Addie tells her, “Your cheer team should work this sailor’s figure in shape. I know he looks good for a boy. But as I told Sierra, Robert blew it. He should be working harder to be this Dort. Dort should be hot. I hope she gets some nice outfits. If you do it right, I take a photo and then paint her to be poster-worthy. Then the team should be able to slap her butt without reprisals. Sierra says you have a very good team.”

Kristyn’s arrived and was amused to see me looking so sharp. She too is struck that ‘Addie’ is helping us. She asks, “Addie how did you get Roberta willing to wear this flattering skirt?”

“I asked like I was expecting a ‘yes’. I think Robbie knows she looks good and should cooperate. I look at this differently from you. I expect her cooperation in response to the hurt she caused.

“She really didn’t see Anne or the other girl because he didn’t quite see girls. That’s a sad commentary on how we let boys get away with being so crude. When this is all said and done; he’ll likely go back to being a boy. But he better continue to see women in a whole new light.”

“Sierra told me for a boy he was better than most. But we talked and she finally agreed, he was, in fact, a spoiled brat.”

Kristin and Anne are taken from Addie’s point of view as they hurry me away to go shopping. We’ve been to three women’s apparel stores before they find two red skirts that they like. One is longer and they say it would be fitting for going to a special dinner with the team. Unfortunately for me, it is snug around my waist. It was then that Anne suggested that I try a waist cincher. Jokingly and not knowing what a waist cincher was, I said, “It’s worth a try if it is not too much.”

Kristyn said, “My mother said she’d pay up to fifty dollars if it is to help the team.”
I was surprised that some stores supposedly had them.

The saleswoman at this store suggested she measure my waist now so I would, in fact, know how much help it gave. Without any help, my waist was 26 inches but became a problem at 25. The cute pink and black cincher she suggested easily took my waist down to 22”, plenty for the long skirt they were suggesting.

There was another row of tabs that could squeeze a woman’s body another inch and a half. Kristyn remarked that it wasn’t a boned corset so it could actually be used when I was doing my cheer routines. I had to laugh at that suggestion. Anne kind of spoke up on my behalf. “I don’t think it would be good for Dort to be wearing it during games, but Dort could try wearing it during practice. The more you get used to it would probably be good and help even when you’re not wearing it.”

We try the long skirt on and it now easily fits. It really makes the look with the shorter skirt, well let’s just say it’s really hot. So much so they’re not telling Roberta or her mother. Without the cincher, she’ll be very cute and within school regulations.

Dort got panties, stockings and pantyhose, and two more bras. Mom met the group after lunch as she had discretely told me before that she wanted to get a nice pair of breast forms for Dort, before the holiday tournament.

Walking past a shoe store, something we saw yelled to Mom, and Dort was quickly pulled into the store. There was a dark blue leather ankle boot that Mom said was like what Navy women often wore when on leave. I said, “No.” But once I was trying the pair on, there were no more protests. Dort received those and we went to Footlocker and got the all-white cross-trainers that were recommended for the cheer team.

I was beginning to see Dort and Roberta apart from me as Rob. It allowed me to enjoy some things and yet protest things from going too far.

It is good they had waited as these cross-trainers were a lot better but cost $108 on sale. Mine have usually cost around $30-40 at most. They are pretty but I’m wondering if I should change the cute pink squiggly laces with the red or blue of the school colors. I asked Anne and she suggested we wait and ask the cheer team. Kristin Hadley now has bought me pink and white bobby socks. There are cute but they make me look even more girly. I guess that’s the idea, but I'm not used to it nor do I want to.

Kristin now has me modeling long thin scarves around my waist and neck. Some actually look cute either way. They make all three of us think about some full skirts we saw earlier. We take out running with a scarf that has red, blue, and pink on a sea of white to where we saw one of those skirts. But getting all this I’ll need to spend my money. The idea of buying myself a girl’s scarf and skirt causes me to giggle. The thought of wearing them to a school dance or maybe the holiday concert brings a joyous smile. I say real loud, “You expect me to do it for the sheer fun of it!”

We stopped and had a snack as we sat and talked for a few minutes. The minutes, however, turned out to be longer well over an hour. Kristyn and Anne said it was fun being good friends as we still got along. We hadn’t had a time like this since seventh grade. Jokingly they said, “And neither of us had ever talked to Dort this long.”

I found it enjoyable as Dort to listen and work my way into their discussions. It was something that Rob had never done. Anne even mentioned, “I think being Dort is getting you out of your shell Rob.”

We got back to my house by four and Kristyn Hadley asked, “Mrs. A is it alright if we have Dort model some of her purchases for you?” My Dad begged out, but my mother insisted.

I told my mother, “Mom, I don’t want to look stupidly girly.”

She said, “You’re going to be doing this at least through February. You need to relax. What did I hear Addie say this morning? You agreed to the punishment, now relax, maybe you’ll learn to behave better, and not be so spoiled.”

When I put on the short red skirt and the white and pink satin blouse. Mom said, “I thought I saw a long dark red skirt that looked especially pretty. Why are you avoiding it?” Mom knew I didn’t like wearing short skirts and surmised I had avoided the long skirt for a reason. When Mom found it and picked it up she realized the waist was small. She asked, “What did you girls get him to enable Dort to wear this?”

Kristin said, “Mrs. A, I loved the skirt and wanted her to wear it during the holiday tournament when we went out to a nice place to eat.”

Mom interrupted, “Did you go all the way to a corset or a more simple body shaper? …You must have worried that I wouldn’t like or permit it. But you did it and didn’t plan to tell me. Remember I was your age and thought of such things before you.” She saw a bag away from the others. She pulled out the waist cincher, saying, “I like it. Did Dort have it done up all the way?”

Mom saved the long skirt and cincher for last with something in mind. “Kristin if you tell your mother what you bought for Dort tell her I said thanks.”

I had gone in to change into the skirt with a green blouse that would shimmer in the light. No sooner had I gone with Anne to change into it and Sierra and Addie were arriving home. Once dressed Anne told me to sit at Sonja’s makeup area. “Your Mom wants me to brush out your hair and add some makeup like you will wear when you go out.”

It no longer took that much time doing my hair, even I knew most of the brush strokes. Come to the makeup, Anne was anxious and couldn’t patiently wait for me trying to do it. She had used the wipe to remove what I had done incorrectly. She was using brighter, bolder colors saying it would be for an evening out.

When I finally got to see what she had done; it was for a more mature young Dort. I found myself speechless as I saw myself looking more like my sister Sierra. With the cincher and breast forms, my body, as well as my face, were new to me. It was an ‘awe’ moment as Anne opened the door and I was walking out to my mother. Especially as I wasn’t expecting my sisters, Addie and Kristin.

I had thought about using a scarf, as it wasn’t quite right for the new one I have. Addie was holding a holiday scarf of silver and white. It softened my look and it broke the look caused by my tight undergarment. There was also a pair of ankle boots waiting for me. They’re very fashionable and I couldn’t resist seeing if they fit or how’d they look.

Kristyn and Anne excused themselves as Mom and I showered them with many thanks. I was hoping they’d show off some of the clothes they purchased. I had a feeling as they left that Kristyn knew something she wasn’t telling me.

My Mom said everyone grab your purse; we’re going out to dinner. The Rendezvous, where we went was not only a very nice restaurant but it was a place many came to dance.

While I was nervous about being out in public; I was excited about being out with my sisters. I was hoping to see them and maybe even my mother be asked to dance.

Addie and Sierra were nicely dressed up when they came out. Sierra has a four-year-old Camaro that we drove over to the small city near us. The Rendezvous Club where we went was well known by my sisters and even my Mom. The best I could say was that I heard about it from my sisters. My sisters liked it when a date took them there. There was the dance lounge they spoke favorably of. Drinking here is 18 but instead of checking my I.D., they stopped at asking Sierra’s age.

We were sitting at a table for five which wasn’t unusual. But when the Hadley twins, Kristin Hadley’s older cousins, came in and saw us the coincidences were piling up. Even their younger brother Mark was with them. They were quickly invited to eat with us and extra chairs happened to be close by.

The dinner together was nice, but I had actually looked forward to us women talking. The Hadleys did compliment how we looked along with their talk of upcoming football bowl games.

Sierra had ordered me a small whiskey sour cocktail, telling me to nurse it for the evening.

We were in the dancing lounge when the drinks arrived. It was then the Hadley guys asked us for a dance. I had already thought through in my mind how girls dance moving around. But this was a slow dance, and while Mark was courteous in asking me, and he assumed that I was a girl and I would dance. I tried telling him, I wasn’t that good. He joked I’d do better in my stocking feet standing on his shoes anyway. Which is what I did. Mark was a stocky six-footer. I surely didn’t want him stepping on my toes. But standing on his feet necessitated him holding me close to him and my holding onto him.

I was relieved when that dance was over and I was back in my designer boots. We had another dance that was faster. I found it easy to pick up steps watching Addie’s style of dancing. I mimicked her steps and movements. I was nervous enough that my one drink didn’t last very long. Quickly, Mark bought me another one.

I watched my sister, she had white wine with her fish platter. She was now as she said nursing her second glass of wine. I’m sure the guys were disappointed as my sister decided at eleven we were through for the night and decided to leave.

When we walked out to the car Sierra complimented me on how I sipped my second drink. I knew I was light-headed but as my sister wasn’t saying anything neither was I.

Once in the house we all relaxed and sat talking. I guess as Addie said they relaxed and I kind of flopped down, not very ladylike. I said, “I didn’t feel very lady-like when we slowed dance and Mark was excited.”

Sierra asked, “What was the reason for his kissing you at the end? …It looked like you kind of enjoyed it.”

“And what was I supposed to do, tell him I’m not a girl and get everyone looking at us. …I would have slapped him, but it wouldn’t look good as a headline, ‘Dort the sailor girl hits the boy and sinks his advances?’”

Come the morning after breakfast, I got into a conversation with Addie. Addie said, “You have a very imaginative mind. I can easily understand how your punishment came about.”

Addie asked, “So what do you enjoy about your girl moments?”

I was surprised by the question and answered quickly, “It’s something I had to do as part of my punishment. I don’t really like it.”

Addie said, “You can say that to someone who might believe it. I could tell you were happy when Roberta got some new clothes. You also liked the attention your sister and I gave you; so what gives?”

I sighed, not trying to give too much away. “Well I have decided if I have to do it I might as well try to get into it and learn something. Like with you and my sister, like Roberta, I get more attention than I ever had as Robert.”

“School doesn’t come as easy for me as it does for my sisters. And then there’s the trouble I get into. All I’m usually trying to do is to stand up to some bullies. I’d have thought people might actually appreciate what I did.”

Now I’m just slipping into the conversation, “I’ve been used to my sisters having pretty clothes and looking quite sharp. I got caught off guard when I started receiving compliments. Somehow, I started to like receiving the compliments and actually started trying to look good to get more compliments.”

Sierra is now there, “We also heard, you’re the one who made contact with a destroyer, USS Cook is it? Mom said the ship is in New Your City (NYC) over the holiday. She said some of the navy women might actually come to Tuesday’s basketball game.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think that will happen. Navy women actually going out of their way to see a girls’ basketball game.”

Sierra says, “That’s not what Jennifer Fields and Kayla Bowen indicated to us. ...We had talked to several classmates who are in the reserves and found out we might be able to meet some of them. When they found out I was Roberta’s sister they were happy to meet us. We even got a small tour of the ship.”

Addie says, “It was a surprise to your sister that you’re known as Roberta and not Bob Anderson as we thought.”

With that, I said, “You’re freaking me out. You didn’t see them …did you?”

Addie said, “I even sent them several pictures of Roberta and one of Rob in his civilian boy clothes, yesterday.

Dad calls up to our rooms, saying, “Sierra your friend Kelsey is here. I’m going to send her up. I just want everyone decent.”

Kelsey Evans was soon up to Sierra’s room and I got a good look to see her. It was easy to tell she was one of Principal Evans’ daughters. She giggled just a little as she went into Sierra’s room. It was Kelsey’s voice saying, “My Mom raves about your newest little sister and her being a new mascot. Is there a chance she might go do some holiday shopping with us?”

I heard her request down in my room and I’m shaking my head ‘No’. Sierra silently came down to my room as I’m still trying to hear if anything more is said... “We’re going out to do a little holiday shopping and Kelsey Evans asked if Roberta might be open to going with us? …You might want to come down to my room and show her, since you’re in brother mode and not ready to go out.”

I did have on a tighter pair of jeans. We’re walking to her room Dad calls us, “Rob are you decent? You too have a visitor.”

I said, "Okay", suspecting it was probably Stan, he's the only friend who would usually come over without calling. But bopping up the stairs was Anne.

The way she looked at me, had me worried. She asked, “Were you out last night as Roberta?” I indicated she should hush, as I readied to say hello to Kelsey Evans. Anne said, “Sorry,” now whispering, “It’s just your hair and skin look like you have.”

“Huh?”

I was in Sierra’s room, saying hello to Kelsey. Anne enters and hugs me. Kelsey says, “Interesting the offender and one of the offended together. And I agree with Anne. It does look like your hair hasn’t fully made the change back to Robert’s and your face looks like a girl’s after she cleaned her face and decided to go natural.”

I quickly looked in Sierra’s mirror and could not see whatever they were talking about.

Kelsey says, “It’s good you’re here Anne wanting to see Rob. I’m going out holiday shopping with Sierra and Addie here. I was hoping to talk Rob into coming with us as Roberta. Maybe you could help us?”

Anne says, “If she can look for a white silk blouse for Dort. We heard the USS Cook is in New York City and some of the women sailors may be here for Tuesday’s basketball game.”

“Was Lieutenant Fields mentioned as one of the people,” I asked?

“Would that be Officer Jennifer Fields,” Anne asked in reply? “I think so.”

Anne comes over to me, quietly saying, “Why don’t we go as we have a chaperone. I think it would be good for you to get used to being Dort. They could help make sure we get a good blouse.”

“Because I’d be dressing as a girl? I don’t want to do that more than needed.”

Anne said, “Roberta might have been out last night, was that needed? …If not we should go with them without any more excuses.”

Anne walked with me back to my room and looked through Roberta’s clothes pulling out a navy blue skirt, an old red Christmas sweater of Sonja’s that is now mine. It was new to me, and I had to agree with Anne it was cute. One could easily tell it was not for Robert. It took a half-hour to change, brush my hair, and do a simple makeup job.

Once we were downstairs to where the older three were; Kelsey commented, “I like how you look in nylons. It shows that even without heels you have nice legs for being on the cheer team.”

She came over to me and started to unbutton my blouse saying she had some forms to put in my bra. But I slapped her hand, saying, “The next time you think of something, try talking to me first.”

Sierra quickly responded, “Yes, I agree with my sister.” I stare at Sierra, and she says, “I said it right when you’re out with me like this, you’re my sister. Mom even agrees with me that Roberta and Dort need to be family until this is all done.”

Sierra did go with me back to my room and suggested for me to wear the breast forms mom had gotten. I agreed and thanked her for the way she went about asking me privately.

We’re in two vehicles as we go and then meet inside the entrance to Macy’s to be together as a group. Sierra softly says to me, “Mom has given me some extra money for you; more than is needed for your blouse.” I asked why, but she was already saying. “Some night things, another dress, and an outfit. Mom says, “Ms. Fields and the other Navy women have been invited to stay over a couple of nights. Probably not at our house, but they have a presentation they’d like to make at the school on Wednesday.”

“They know you’re not really Roberta, but they do agree with others. That they should be relating to you’re being Dort or Roberta however it is agreed on.”

“But I didn’t agree to do this?”

Sierra says, “I guess Dad agreed with Addie that this is part of the discipline and you shouldn’t just be changing back and forth at your own whim. He said by the New Year, you could even be in girl mode on school days.”

Everyone cheers or claps their approval except me. “If that’s the case I should get my hair done so it’s not so much work.” My thought was to make it too expensive that my father recants from his headstrong idea.

Sierra says, “Mom agrees with that. She said that would take away a big problem every morning when you’re trying to get ready for school. Another idea she had was a slightly longer skater dress with a petticoat the same length.”

I had begun to say, “Good luck, thankfully, I’m pretty sure we won’t find one…” I looked up as we started toward another section and on display was a red skater dress with white trim around the bottom and a red muffler with the same white trim.” I had seen the red hand muffler in an old Christmas movie and was sure there wouldn’t be any such thing nowadays.

There were white, red or green tights that were available to be purchased to go along with the skirts if wanted. Anne insisted Dort have a red dress or skirt and a white and a blue pair of tights if possible. The blue to go with the red and blue school colors.

Several friends of our Mom, as well as a handful of students and one teacher from school, made sure to say hello to us as we were out and about. Ms. Audrene Trullo introduced herself to me; when our neighbor Mrs. Robbins welcomed home, Sierra. “Roberta, I’d like to introduce myself to you I’m two doors down from Mrs. Robbins. …Yes, the Bradley place, where little Marie has run out a few times to greet you.”

She says, “I was wondering if you might be open to a little decorum coaching. On a cheer team and acting like a young woman that represents the school as well as an ideal. I think I could be of help to you.”

I am surprised someone has actually come out and said it. I often feel awkward and I had been surprised no one suggested it before. But I hadn’t known what to ask for or how to do so. I was sure if I had said anything people would have laughed at me. “I’m not actually wanting to learn to be a woman as such. But yes, I’m sure I could use your help, but I didn’t know how one would go about it?”

Audrene’s 20 a very nice-looking twenty-something. She smiles at me, “I hope you won’t mind my helping you. I was a cheerleader in high school and college. So I know a fair amount. And I even got the star athlete as my prize. But he got me pregnant for the second time just a month ago. So by the end of basketball season, your coach will be showing quite a bit; I hope you won’t mind.”

She said, “Alexis your coach and I have talked and she said, she’d be happy if I helped you. I haven’t yet talked to your mother. I hope she won’t think I’m too young or forward to work with you.”

That night my mother talked to me. “Robert, I hear our neighbor Audrene Trullo has offered to help you. I didn’t say anything to her yet, but I think you’ll need to wear two tight panties when she works with you. Even then you might need extra help not to get too excited when you’re with her. What do you think?”

“Mom that’s embarrassing." I said. "She’s little Marie’s mom and going to have a second baby or didn’t she tell you that? I guess she’s pretty, but I never really noticed.”

Mom asks, “Isn’t she the neighbor you and your friend Stan talked about as being hot? If I remember I expected that you said even more than that. I should have straightened you out then. Shouldn’t have I?” I didn’t know that Mom overheard us talking like that.

Story to continue…

“Regarding Audrene Trullo,” Mom said, “She’d like you to stop dressed as Dort around 2:30 if you want her to work with you. She said, maybe she could give you a pointer or two before meeting the sailors of the USS Cook.”

Mom added, “I got a note that beginning Tuesday, someone thinks maybe it would good for you to dress as Dort at school while the women from the ship are here. I guess they’re hoping to go to dinner with you, the cheer team, and others who might want to meet with them.” Mom said, she liked to go but decided not to embarrass me. I was sure she wanted me to say it was okay if she came. But as yet I’ve not said yes to that.

I met with Audrene Trullo Sunday at two. She served tea with cookies at her house and we sat at the dining room table. “Alexis told me today that the women may be here by practice time tomorrow. They’d be open to a visual connection around three-thirty today via the internet. I think Coach and school officials want to assure them you'll not embarrass them as some kind of a weirdo boy nor that you feel unduly pressured in what you’re doing. You do make a very presentable young woman.”

I sitting up straight on the front of the chair as she suggested, but not acting stiff but presenting well as a teen girl. I sipped my tea, but she even suggested that to be slower and then complimented my bite of the cookie. She suggested having lipstick on and to keep my lips wet so I wouldn’t leave lipstick marks. In public, I’m required I check myself discretely if I could not get to the safety of a women’s room.

Little Marie had found us and wanted up on my lap. I was taken by how cute she was and that she saw me as a nice girl. “Mommy says you know Robert down the street.” Later she asked, “Would you be my babysitter if my mommy thought it was okay?” I looked to Audrene and she appeared to be surprised by what Marie had asked.

Audrene said, “I’m sorry she asked. I told her, we’d be going out Saturday and Grandma Trullo couldn’t babysit. She’s afraid of who we might get. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t force you in that spot.”

I giggle, “But if I said yes, you wouldn’t mind? …My friend Anne told me such opportunities would come along. I could do it if it would be helpful.” We agreed it would need to be as Dort.

Before 3:30 we moved into Audrene’s personal computer room for our connection with the women of USS Cook. Lieutenant Jennifer Fields, Ensigns Kayla Bowen, and Deb Triens were all there along with Robert Anderson. Sailor Anderson was just there a short time. He wanted to know if we’d be open to a few regular sailors coming to the game.

Once he was gone, Jennifer took over and kind of directed our conversation. “Roberta, I hope you didn’t mind my casting you as just another woman. It will be easier for us if we do not deal with the gender issue. It is helpful that you present yourself well as Dorothy.”

“What do the boys of your school think of a boy jumping or doing cartwheels and exposing his panty bottom in doing so?”

“I get a lot of razing, but the costume is good and the idea behind it has caught on. I wear a shield and no one has caught me showing myself. We work hard to stay away from problems.”

Deb said, “We’re happy you don’t come across as a bimbo or a clown of a woman. I am pretty sure we wouldn’t be doing this if you did. Brenda Woods is in the Navy Reserves and she had come to one of your games. She even visited a couple of teen spots nearby. She confirmed for us we could connect with you without being embarrassed later.”

Audrene spoke up, “Is Brenda, Stephanie Woods’ sister-in-law?” Jennifer and others did not know, but Audrene was pretty sure, she was.

Jennifer Fields asked, “If we presented a modified uniform without the official markings would you be open to wearing it as a mascot for us as well as your team?”

I honestly said, “I wasn’t really wanting to get into this any deeper in presenting as a woman.”

Deb Triens said, “'Wasn’t wanting,’ does that mean you’re open to doing it for us? Those of us in the Navy often end up doing things we weren’t wanting to do. It kind of goes along with what we and you’re doing and doing well.”

“I guess, yes.”

Kayla Bowen said, “We’ll appreciate that after the holidays when we’re out to sea for a few months and following your team. Tuesday night being greeted by you after the game would be a treat for us.

Our leave reportedly is being cut short so we’re hoping to come back from Roto, Spain, to here in New York City or Philadelphia. Being greeted by you on our return in April or May would be a hoot.”

Once we’re off our connection, I turn to Audrene, “Hopefully, they’ll not really want me to do it in the spring. Hopefully, there will be another mascot by then.”

Audrene says, “By then reprising your role shouldn’t be that hard for a special occasion. You should be honored that these women are welcoming you into their lives. It sounds like you have them interested in our girls’ teams. Interested enough that they will keep in contact with you and us during their cruise to the Mediterranean. Hopefully, we can also learn from them and their port in Rota, Spain.”

"Maybe you and some of the girls can get invited onboard for a personal tour of their ship. Wouldn’t you find that interesting?”

“Yeah, but I’d rather take my guy friends.”

I didn’t know how long my mother was there, but she spoke up. “You can see it as part of your discipline of being on the Cheer Team. You may want to consider Anne and the others who helped you get their attention as your core group of friends. Ask yourself where were your guy friends when you were bullied?”

It made me think, ‘my life has gotten better being Dort or Roberta whereas it had been getting worse on my own.’

Audrene says, “Earlier you said, ‘Yeah’ whereas Dort or Roberta you should say ‘Yes. As your mother said, as Dort, you should be seeing the cheer team and the girl sports teams as your core groups. Listen to the girls and as Dort pick up their way of saying things and try to incorporate that into Roberta and Dort’s speech.”

Mom said, “She has gotten less judgmental. Dort has already helped Rob to think through things better. If he reacted more as he does as Dort, he might not have gotten into trouble in the first place.”

Monday at 8:00 a.m. I have an appointment with Psychologist Kristyn Arnold. “Hello Robert, how have things been going since our Saturday morning appointment?”

Robert says, “I think fairly well, but you might have to ask Roberta or Dort?” He pauses, “I know they’re me, but it’s like they’ve taken on an outgoing personality. And I find it easier to visit and be friends because of them.”

Kristyn said, “Interesting, can you think of any reasons that might be?”

“Well, I tend to see myself as awkward around people. It’s become kind of an expectation. I become more energetic, as Dort. Dort’s on the Cheer team; it’s kind of natural to speak up and be more active. People are interacting with me more frequently. Like with Roberta, I’ve gone out with my Mom or others to get some girl clothes. While I’m nervous at first, I’m soon over my shyness and into being Roberta. It is like I have a reason to be different from being Bob.”

Dr. Kristyn asks, “Is it like you’re obligated to be outgoing or that you want to be friendlier?”

I said, “I feel freer as a girl, not as awkward. I learned dancing and gymnastics as Rob, but it’s more accepted as Dort. During practice or shopping, I like visiting with the other girls. I am learning how to be a better friend. Even if I make a mistake, others are more accepting, instead of judgmental or putting me down by laughing at me.”

Kristyn asks, “Robert, how are you feeling about all of this?”

I smile, “I’m liking it, especially around my family and Anne. They know I’m still a boy, but we’re okay with me having fun doing it. I’m already being able to handle things better. Often because of the experience, I’m gaining as a girl.”

“I don’t exactly like doing my hair and makeup, but I’m getting better at that along with picking out outfits or what to wear.” Our forty minutes seem to fly by. I know I said even more than I remember. Mom was happy with her visit as well. She’s glad I got to have a good visit with Dr. Arnold.

I was to school the next morning and before my lunchtime, I was called to the office. Principal Evans said, “We heard from Lieutenant Fields and they hope to be here by one o’clock. They’re hoping to meet with Roberta and your mother dropped off an outfit she said you picked out for the occasion. …Would you be willing to change into it? The nurse says you could use the extra room at her office as well as the bathroom to do your hair and makeup.”

I’m walking to the nurse’s office carrying my off-pink skirt and a light sweater. When another group of students passes by going to lunch. Some guys teased me but a girl named Holly took my outfit and carried it for me like it was hers. “There are actually more guys that respect what you’re doing not only us girls.” Before she would leave for lunch. She asked if I needed any help with my hair or makeup.

I said, “No, you better get to lunch, it would be a while before I was ready.”

Holly left saying. “If my friend Tiff got done soon enough she might be willing to help you.”

I felt better after I changed because Tiffany, in fact, came to help me. Tiffany let me do most of it, but it was helpful to have a girl’s perspective making sure what I did was good. She did even out my makeup and started the changing over of my hair to girl mode.

Tiffany is technically still in the same grade as me but takes the more advanced courses plus two college classes. “You know I would enjoy helping you with your Chemistry class. Especially if part of the time you’d be Roberta.”

She heard me moan about the subject when she mentioned it. “You know the sixth period on Wednesday when you’re in study hall. I’m up in the library doing an independent study. I could help you then.”

I said, “You would be willing to do that for me?”

Tiff said, “Let’s plan on that this Wednesday. I’ll be cheering with you during tomorrow’s game. It should be nice having the Navy women from our Destroyer being here.”

With the bell, Tiff’s off to her next class and I’m back to the office. I see two women in the office. Jennifer is the first to speak, “You must be the infamous Roberta; it is nice to meet you.”

Debra opens her arms, asks, “Is it okay if I say hi with a hug?” We hug and I’m still getting used to the feel of one girl hugging another. Deb says, “I’m another Jersey girl, but I’m from a small town near Jersey City.” Her accent is more like someone from a city. I’ve been told everything around Jersey City is one huge city.

She jokes, “You won’t believe it, but people on the ship give me grief saying they can’t understand me.” She speaks faster than me and the accent is way more pronounced, but I can easily understand her.

We begin to visit before I’m introduced to mid-shipman Bob Anderson. He laughs, “I don’t think we have to worry about being mistaken for one another.” He’s a black man who appears to do some serious weight training. He’s also a radar technician as is Kayla Bowen.

He says, “Kayla will enjoy getting to meet you; she too is a good dresser. She’ll be with you tomorrow. We’re not usually off the ship at the same time.”

They’re all talking to me as a girl, though I’m sure they know otherwise. Jennifer says, “Principal Evans said, it would be okay to take you to lunch. That you missed it as you got ready for us to be here.”

She said, “Are you upset, having to dress as you do? I’m kind of glad about it since it has helped our ship to unite with the women of your school.” …Someone asked, “Did you pick out your own clothes to wear today and do your makeup? Or are you still getting others to do it for you?”

Jennifer drove us to a diner where teens often go to eat. Debra says, “You have good legs for playing the part. Do you agree, Bob Anderson?”

I turn to the other Bob. He says, “It’s troubling to me to see a boy with legs that should be on a real girl.” He laughs, “If you haven’t been hit on yet, you will be. But it won’t be by me.”

It takes me a while to get the conversation of me and the school/ship relationship. Jenn says, “We have an abbreviated uniform that you can use as a cheer uniform if you want. We had someone try it and do some of the moves of a cheerleader. We’ve also gotten permission from Principal Evans to present a flag from the ship for the National Anthem.”

She has a poster-size picture of the ship signed by many of the crew. The picture and a flag from the ship will be presented after the women’s basketball game. “We hear that a good portion of the male students is in favor of the School/The USS Cook being connected. Some guys like Bob here will be happy to correspond with them. But we’re running the point with you and the girls of the Destroyer teams.”

We’re back to the school and I’m given the uniform cheer outfit to try on to see if it fits. I thought it was a uniform, however, the way it moves with my wearing it makes it unique. They even made the panty good for me to wear and be able to do moves needed to cheer. Along with Principal Evans, they go over with me about movements I’m not to do as well as the respect they want me to show when I’m ‘Dort of the Destroyers’.

They’ll be here tomorrow for the game as well as to meet with school officials earlier in the day. There will be an assembly Wednesday morning. Anne and I are invited for a personal tour of the ship on Saturday at 9:00 a.m. Members of the girls’ teams, as well as the cheer squad, are invited. A limited number of pictures will be allowed.

Jennifer, as well as Kayla, have played high school basketball. I had changed out of the outfit they gave me until the next day. But both the basketball team and the cheer squad got to visit with them at the beginning of our practices. I’m still fighting my being proud of the girls’ stuff. I can’t help feeling proud like I really deserve it, but I feel it is wrong.

Anne gave me a ride home and didn’t tell me until I got there that she wanted to see the outfit that Jennifer Fields presented to me. When I tried turning her down, she pleaded to Sonja and then my mother, until Mom said she also wanted to see it.

It does look better than what I’ve previously worn. We even went to our finished rec room so I could with Anne perform a few cheers, kicks, jumps, and cartwheels. Mom ended up staring at me. I didn’t know if something was wrong or especially good. Exceptionally good wasn’t my guess.

When Mom asked for a measuring tape; I thought she’d measure the length of the skirt or something. Instead, she measured my waist and hips. “Roberta, have you been doing something to look more girl-like,” she asked? Hearing the question brought Sierra into the room as well.

It was Anne who came up with what was happening. “Mrs. Anderson, neither Robert nor as Roberta has he been eating like usual. Most of the time he’s worn bulky clothes, especially for practice when he’s been wearing one of the shapers we got for him to look better as Dort. I guess you hadn’t noticed how good it’s been working. Even as Robert, Roberta has had better posture and been performing very well.”

Between bringing my waist in almost two inches; my working out has added some muscle tone to my hips. I hadn’t said anything because I was sure it was just my own perception. I felt guilty because of how good I was looking, but wasn’t about to say that to others. Working with Audrene, I was actually feeling good about how I was presenting myself as Roberta.

Anne telling my mother about Tiffany’s wanting to tutor me in Chemistry brought a smile to my mother’s face and helped to change the discussion.

Anne left and we had a simple dinner of fish, a salad, and Mom’s homemade chips. Tonight Audrene was giving me my second decorum lesson. She was here by 7:30 and would stay less than an hour.

She taught me about taking care of my hands as well as how I should hold them. I was feeling self-conscious about folding my hands and holding them in my lap. I thought she was wanting me to hold them even better than my sisters.

“I really, don’t care if you think you’re holding them like a girl, more than your sisters. But in truth, they do it quite naturally and for you, it is not natural at all. Like tomorrow and when you’re with Lieutenant Fields and Ensigns Kayla and Debra your posture and how you hold your hands will be on display or the lack thereof." Audrene had worn a shorter skirt like I would be tomorrow. She was modeling for me how I should be behaving.

My male ego and even more my male libido were being taxed by how she was looking. She knew I got aroused and had an accident, but we kept working. “You can just learn to control yourself or be embarrassed. “You appear as a girl to me and if it takes setting up a date with a boy, I’ll do that to get your male ego in line. I think that would be good for you anyhow. Cold showers are good for would-be girls as well as boys.”

When we were done our short session, Audrene said, “If you want to get rid of me you can tell your Mom that I’m hassling you. If you do come Sunday to practice with me at 2:30. We’ll have our lessons and then I’ll have Cynthia’s twin brother take you to an early movie.”

She says, “Remember, you can complain to your mother or you can cooperate. You’ve already embarrassed girls that you said we’re friends. You need to get over that.”

I said a proper goodbye and then hurried to take a shower and change for the night. Once I was done with my shower and ready early for bed. I went out to visit with my family before homework.

Mom handed me a new lip gloss with a bow wrapped around it. “Audrene said, ‘If it was alright with me. She wanted you to go on a date with her nephew. She thinks your male libido needs to come under control for when you’re Roberta or Dort and around pretty girls.’ I would like to know from you if that is okay? …She might feel a need to quit coaching you if it isn’t.”

I was caught by surprise, that Audrene had openly shared that with my parents. My Dad had left the room, thinking it would be easier for me to visit alone with my mother, girl to girl.

“Audrene said Geoffrey’s twin sister would be double dating and they found one movie that would be starting at 6:00. So it wouldn’t quite me like going to a matinee like a little child.”

Mom said, “I don’t want you to be doing it. If it is going to put you under a lot of stress. If you’re uncomfortable with being out with a boy and we lose Audrene we can handle that.”

I hoped my Mom did not see that I licked my lips. I don’t know why but for some reason the idea of going out with an older boy wasn’t grossing me out. I did pause and gathered my composure. “It sounds silly Mom, but I guess I better learn to develop more composure as Dort.”

That night between the new cheer outfit and the idea of dating Geoffrey; I had some silly dreams invade my sleep. There was one dream I thought was cute. I was instructed by Lieutenant Fields and allowed to carry the flag of their ship before the game was to start. There was a picture of me in the paper the next day. And the first thing I noticed was how cute I was and how my legs were nice and smooth.

I got up early and rushed to complete the little homework I had. Mom reminded me, “Remember you’re to dress as Roberta for attending classes. Take your new outfit and keep it somewhere it won’t get wrinkled or soiled. I put in a thank you card you should write out and give to Lieut. Fields for those from the ship. That was really nice of them, don’t you think?”

I joked, “Yes Mom, it is not every day a boy gets a new outfit to be a cheerleader.”

Mom replies, “You have done amazingly well on the cheer team. Boy or girl, you should be proud of all you accomplished in a short time. Girls are supposed to understand when they’re treated as one of the guys. Here it’s the other way around and due to your own fault. Quit moaning like a boy.”

Mom kissed me on the cheek something she did more often with my sisters. “I like the dress you chose to wear. This will be the first time I see you wear a dress to school. What gives?”

I said, “I’ve had problems with my blouses being half in and half out of my stuff. I thought it might be easier to stay nice looking this way. All I need to do is smooth it out and check a mirror now and then.”

Sierra and Sonja are both there. “It is nice to have our brother learning to take better care of himself. Even as Robert you are way better. By the time your discipline is over; we will be interested if this stays as the new you.”

Sonja said, “We’re talking about as Robert, but neither of us would complain about having another sister if Robert would go back to his sloppy ways…”

Story to be continued…

Previously: Sierra and Sonja are both there. “It is nice to have our brother learning to take better care of himself. Even as Robert you are way better. By the time your discipline is over; we will be interested if this stays as the new you.”
Sonja said, “We’re talking about as Robert, but neither of us would complain about having another sister if Robert would think of going back to his sloppy ways…”

Sonja gave me my grain cereal, with tofu and Aronia preserves for flavor. I wondered if something was up because of the way Sierra watched me. She said it was because she was giving us a ride to school. She wondered if I would be ready or if Anne was to be there on time to go to school.

I was all set for a great day, thinking nothing could go wrong. And then some doofus of a senior slammed my locker shut right after I just opened it. “You know Robert, you’re just fooling yourself if you think anyone really admires you. The others get the glory and years from now you’ll be remembered as a sissy. The girls will get the glory and you’ll…”

He left when Anne came over asking what he wanted.

I said I was alright, but it was already eating at me. I put on a good face and focused on what I needed to do. I went to my homeroom but the teacher said I needed to be at the office.

When I got to the office, Principal Evans said, “My, don’t you look pretty today Roberta? I thank you for all you have done, just remember this isn’t all about you.” She had me go down to greet them Lieutenant Fields and the others should soon be there.

I got to the auditorium and while I was waiting, part of me was happy and excited looking forward to them soon being there; another part remembered what Zeek said. Finally, I get a text from Anne. “Where are you? Lieutenant Fields and Ensigns Kayla, Kara, and Debra are here; you’re missing out.” They are up in the gym.

I was just about there when Trish and Aronia from the team saw me and said, “Where you’ve been? Do you think you’re so important that you need a personal invitation or people scouting around for you? You know this isn’t only about you.” They giggle like they’re joking with me but I wasn’t sure.

Once inside the gymnasium, I smiled when I saw the others. Lieutenant Jennifer came over and showed me a wrist corsage in a clear plastic case. “You know it is not every day a boy gets to wear a pretty corsage. …We’ll keep it now for safety reasons and give it to you before the game. We know since you’re not a real girl you might not know how to take care of it.”

We talked and then walk through now what we’ll do at game time and tomorrow when the school assembly is held to meet those from the ship. We talk about it tonight before the game. I was supposed to carry the flag but they decided to have Ensign Kara Dugan carry the flag instead.

When I asked, what I was to do? They said, “Stand over there to salute, smile, and look cute.” Someone decided Sandy Jones and Sharon Moore should receive the flag from the ship as well as the signed picture of the ship. No one was saying anything wrong or that the others were more important, just the ones who should receive things. They were, in fact, the Captains of the Cheer Team.

The women from the ship had brought a heavy section of rope that was looped and has been used to tie The USS Cook to the dock when at a port. It will be used as a symbol of the ship docking and connecting with our school.

It is nearing seven o’clock and the ceremony of lifting the rope to the rafters and onto a golden post is to begin. Ensign Debra Triens is to shimmy up a rope carrying the large section of rope. It would seem to be a sizeable task as it is longer than she is tall. I’m with our cheer team and the girls’ basketball team at the foot of the school’s rope she’s to climb to the rafters.

She was within six feet of the top when her feet slipped their hold and the top hand slips as a result. Debra was dressed as I was which made me think I could aid her as a team member.

I didn’t ask as I went to the base of the rope and took hold and jumped to get a start. Less than a minute later I was up to her. She let me take hold of part of that thick rope. She then continued up to the rafters. Her left foot helped me to lift the thick heavy rope to her. She hooked it in place. I then realized Debra probably could have made it without me. She denied the slip was on purpose.

She asked me, “Was there ever a point when you were asked to do what you did?” She knew the answer, “You chose to be part of the team. I thought it would have been Kayla or Kara.”

The crowd was clapping below us and I was now embarrassed as way more of me was showing than I was comfortable with. I held onto the rafter as Debra went down before me, showing me how to get down without a rope burn or getting hurt.

Once down and knowing numerous pictures were taken; Fields and the others knew the pictures could haunt me. She said, “Attention Ensign Dort.” I knew the stance and I took it automatically. Lieut. Fields stepped closer to me to whisper, “Acting as a woman made you vulnerable. Ensign Triens faces that numerous times as a sailor before you see yourself as a victim, I’d suggest you take stock in your experience and the time you have still ahead. Whether it is as Robert, Roberta, or Dort, I hope you rise above any pettiness.”

She handed me a pair of white gloves. I looked at her hands knowing if they were hers they would not fit. When I put them on they fit and Lieut. Fields offer her hand which I shook. “Welcome aboard the team Ensign Roberta.”

She told a reporter that she welcomed aboard Ensign Dort (Dorothy).

It was a well-played game, but our team was much better. The only thing to decide was the final score. Seemingly even the other team respected us and were happy being part of that evening.

Ensign Debra Triens joined our team at half-time in welcoming the Braves Cheerleaders. She asked the other cheerleaders, “Would you like to see Ensign Dort and myself do a cartwheel and then a backflip?” Their answer was as expected, and so was mine but I said, “No.”

She and I agreed to get a running start and the mark we would do a cartwheel and end with a backflip. It was something I could do and would have enjoyed doing with her apart from the view of others in the crowd. The pressure of doing it in front of others diminished my chances of success. I anticipated doing the cartwheel and stopping. With her, a half click ahead of me and continuing I tried and went for the flip. but as she went to a front and back leg split I slowly did the same.

Our basketball team was ready to back come out to the floor which was a nice distraction to finish with fewer eyes upon us.

After the game and before going to celebrate with the basketball team, Anne came over and sat down with me. “Are you still down about being one of us?”

Looking around to see we were alone, I then said, “Yes, I’m not a girl, but more and more I find myself as one. Sometimes I wish I took the suspension.”

“You still could, would you want to do that? I’m afraid it would diminish all you’ve achieved for us,” Anne said sympathetically.

I said, “No, I wouldn’t want to do that. Worse, and you need to keep this a secret between just us. I sometimes like pretending to be Roberta.”

Anne gives me a gentle hug, “You don't always pretend do you?” I didn’t answer and she didn’t ask a second time.

We went to the hangout where the team was but instead, we sat with the women of the USS Cook. My makeup and dress were more modest for being Roberta. I still had on the wrist corsage.

Both Dane Munster and Zeek were there to hassle me, but they did it at a distance. They abruptly left when Lieut. Fields, Ensign Triens, and I walked toward them. It was nine forty when my phone buzzed and Sierra was outside to pick me up and go home.

She greeted me in the car saying, “You know you won over Dad tonight?”

He hadn’t let me know he hadn’t been. Sierra said, “Until tonight he only knew he should outwardly be accepting of what you needed to do. Tonight Dad sensed you would be going on even when he saw you were embarrassed but stood your ground. He was glad his son was still there. But I think, he became comfortable when you seemed to embrace being Dort and being part of the team.”

Thinking about being embarrassed, I asked, “Was it that noticeable?”

Sonja was with her and said, “I don’t think to others, but we’re family. It was when you and Debra were up top and then back down and with one another.”

She said, “I was lip-reading and kind of heard you. You’re kind of becoming a sister to us and I saw you were talking to Fields and she hugged you like a sister to her. Did she not?”

There was a tingling subtly going through me. Sonja squeezed my hand, “It is okay, Robert to like being Roberta.” I bowed my head on our hands. Her other hand stroked my hair and we were soon home.

Once in the house, I was going to go change and do some studying. Mom said, “Relax as you are. You did a great job today and impressed a lot of people. We’re proud of you and think you should savor the night for a while.” Mom handed a hot chocolate to me as well as one for her. Dad lifted his cup to salute me. My sisters also took time to be with us.

I got a text from Kaylea the basketball Captain, “Thanks, everyone on the team agrees you’ve given us an added sense of pride. Thanks, you’ve got the newspapers and radio taking notice of us. …I couldn’t help but notice when you went up the rope, what I couldn’t see. You have my admiration for all you’re going through.”

Once during the assembly the next day someone in the crowd asked, “Officer Fields aren’t you embarrassed that it was a boy pretending to be a girl who first invited you?”

Officer Jennifer and the others were in their uniforms. She said, “We understand his being Dort was part of his discipline. We’re focusing on connecting our Destroyer, The USS Cook, with your school as The Destroyers. Despite his mistake, you can be proud of him. Today we’re proud to see Dort the Destroyer as one of the girls. That links back to a connection that goes back to the early days of this school.”

“We’re proud to usher in a new day when the team Destroyers embrace our heritage with strength. The teamwork needed to be a success does include Dort and the Cheer team. I hope you cannot only accept that but embrace it.”

The women had left and school was returning to normal, but I yet had my session with my neighbor Audrene. I hadn’t guessed that Meredith Hutchins was her niece. She watched as I worked with Audrene. I was slightly embarrassed as I knew Audrene helped me get through the past three days. Today was more about words girls use more often and to think ahead when acting as Dort or Roberta. It was as promised a shorter session.

Then the doorbell rang and Meredith let in Chas Hanson. Meredith said, “My brother Tim couldn’t make it so I asked my good friend Chas to help us. I hope you won’t mind. I just gave a small shake of my head. I knew Chas as he was a grade ahead in school. He was only slightly taller. I’m sure other girls saw him as a good-looking guy. The only reason he and Meredith weren’t an item as they were too close as friends.

Chas offered me his hand as we said goodbye to Audrene. I hugged little Marie and gave her to mom. We went and had pizza for an early dinner and then to walk around one of those Christmas galas. I had enjoyed talking to Chas at the pizzeria. Now as we walked around all the Christmas decorations the three of us shared our likes and what we liked better. Along with various stands of foods and crafts.

Meredith asked me to follow her and for Chas to stay. We’re at a display of chocolates and Meredith has bought each of us one chocolate candy. Meredith said, “This is an extra girl session. I want you to savor this chocolate like you’re flirting with a boy you like.”

I take the chocolate but said, “I have no idea how to do that. I don’t flirt with boys, but I guess you could show me.”

She said, “I bet you can do it. Take the chocolate holding it up in front of you like this. Think of one of those commercials of a young woman savoring a chocolate candy.”

I have the chocolate in front of me as she said and pout my lips half kissing and half ready to enjoy it. I begin to open my mouth when I’m distracted. Chas came up to us and he’s talking more to Meredith. I decided to try what Meredith was talking about. I nudged Chas to get his attention and then focus on the candy.

Meredith smirks as I pout, open my mouth, and take a slow bite of the chocolate. She said, “You did that very well and now I hope you’re ready for a kiss.”

I look up to Chas who has stepped closer and see he’s ready to kiss me. I find myself, pouting my lips slightly open and close my eyes as our lips met. I even found one of my hands on his shoulder and me leaning forward. The kiss was warm and nice as I soon drew back just a little. I opened my eyes and he was still close and I chose to kiss him again.

Soon the three of us are standing there in silence. Until Chas spoke, “I hope you didn’t mind, it just felt right.” We were holding hands and I drew close to hug him.

I said, “I guess that was what Audrene hoped I’d experience as a girl. I can’t say I’m so enamored that I want to date you. But as a girl, it was a nice kiss and you’re easy to be with.” We walked on a little until Meredith said we should visit the powder room.

Once we were there, I decided to use a stall. When I came out and washed my hands, Meredith said, “You should also redo your lipstick and check your makeup.” I soon saw my lips were smudged from the kiss and the makeup around it. She gave me lip-gloss to repair my lips after I fixed my makeup from the lipstick residue.

She said, “You know I don’t see you as a ‘Roberta’. You’re your own person and need a name as such.” We stood there and thought and shared a few names we couldn’t agree on. Then she said, “Rose, Rose Anderson. …What would you think of being Rose Anderson?”

I had no preconceived notion that came with the name and I did like it. I said, “The only thing is my sisters’ names all begin with an ‘S’.”

“That’s fine, isn’t it? You don’t have to be like them either.”

We stayed only another ten minutes and then headed home. It was dark out as we arrived at my house. My extra clothes were already in the car. I got out to go in with them. Chas was nice enough to escort me to the door as Meredith moved to the front seat. Once at the door, I took advantage that it was dark with no one but Meredith could see. I said thanks and we shared a small kiss.

My sisters were soon there to greet me saying Mom and Dad had gone out to eat. Shannon had a warm smile as she said, “I see Roberta had a good time. Where did you go?”

I said, “Meredith Hutchins said I’m not Roberta, a girl like Robert. We came up with the name Rose. What do you think of me being Rose as a girl?”

Sierra pondered as she was looking back and forth at me and then Shannon and back to me. They both nodded their heads as Sierra broke the silence. “Rose Anderson it is then. Dort for the Cheer team, Robert as yourself, and Rose for family and friends when you’re in girl mode.

To be continued…

My sisters were soon there to greet me saying Mom and Dad had gone out to eat. Shannon had a warm smile as she said, “I see Roberta had a good time. Where did you go?”

I said, “Meredith Hutchins said I’m not Roberta, meaning a girl like Robert. We came up with the name Rose. What do you think of me being Rose when I’m in girl mode?”

Sierra pondered as she was looking back and forth at me and then Shannon and back to me. They both nodded their heads as Sierra broke the silence. “Rose Anderson, it is then. Dort for the Cheer team, Robert as yourself, and Rose for family and friends when you’re in girl mode.

The remainder of the week was a welcomed rest as all I had to do was focus on studying and my exams. Most of the cheer team found time to exercise and practice a little along with a few of the others. But it was as time permitted and nothing demanding more of our attention.

My sister Shannon and I talked to our parents about me changing my name to Rose. My mother told me and reminded Shannon, “Your father and I actually had three girl names that we were going to choose from if you were a girl. The names we had dwindled the list down to were: Suzanne, Lynn, and Rose. Rose was the one Shannon and little Sierra liked. Sonja was too young to understand at that time.”

Mom told me, “We’ll take the weekend and maybe until it’s time to go back to school after the holidays before anything will be decided.”

With some feeling, I said, “I want my sisters and me to use Rose when we were alone.”

Dad abruptly said ‘No!’ Which tapped into my stubborn side and I insisted that I would do it anyway.

Mom and my sisters did ask for a few girl's gift suggestions from me. Sierra talked to me alone, once the school exams were through. “You know Robert, it is up to you. But you might want to think of this Christmas as Rose’s. It will be your only chance, you’ll be back to being Robert next year. Dressing up for Christmas and going out can be a lot of fun for a girl.”

I joked back, “Yeah, how would it be different?”

She said, “You would get to go with us to the salon. You’d be able to get a pretty dress and accessories that aren’t counted as presents. Be it with your girlfriends or us your sisters, you’d have fun times going out.” I guess my face changed expressions, and my sister insisted, “There I can see those ideas amuse you.”

That night I went to my Mom when she was alone. “Mommy, did you send Sierra to talk to me about Christmas as Rose?”

“No, but she told me afterward and said you might be asking me what I thought.” She paused, “Does this mean you’re wondering if it would be okay to do it?”

I shyly shook my head up and down and then bowed my head. Mom lifted my chin until I was looking at her. “This is refreshing, Rose has her shy moments, doesn’t she? …If it is something you’d like to do; choose a day. Start then and plan to be Rose all the way through when your Grandmother Nobil celebrates Christmas here on the 27th.”

I said, “I don’t know if I want to be Rose day after day.” Today was the fifteenth and I was thinking about starting as early as tomorrow but not doing it continuously.

Mom says, “You could start either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. That wouldn’t be too long.”

“But then, I’d miss out as Rose on all the times with the glimmering of lights and the festivity of the holidays. I want times of having fun with the others, especially the cheerleaders. I’m only going to do it once after all.”

Mom says, “You can start whenever, but you know I’d like if you’re my daughter for Grandmother Nobil. I’m only paying for one salon appointment, and I want it to include a pedicure. You know how she would enjoy seeing you at your best.”

I said, “Why a pedicure?”

Mommy said, “It’s one of the joys of being a woman, young or old. I expect afterward, you’ll be happy that I requested it.”

Then I said, “I’d like to start tomorrow but I’ll do it after church.”

It was then that Sonja poked in her head I had been pretty sure someone was listening. “Do it to include church if you start tomorrow. I have a cute pink dress that would be cute for church tomorrow.”

Mom says, “You know, we believe whatever you do, you better be willing to do it before God. So starting tomorrow morning.” She says, “It will be fun to have our newest daughter for Christmas. But Robert, please know we love you for being you.”

I text Anne and Therese. I hear quickly from Anne and then back from Therese Jeters as well. Therese said, “I am glad to hear from you. I’m proud of how you're going through with being disciplined.”

I said, “If you’re willing, I’d like to go to church with you and light a candle to celebrate you’re willing to forgive me, come Christmas.”

Anne writes, “The younger Catholics don’t all get into the lighting of candles as you might think, but I’m sure Therese won’t be going over to your church after doing that.”

I said, “Therese, I’ll be more than happy to have our friendship back. It has taken me a while to understand better the extent I hurt you and our friendship. Just as importantly, what it means to hurt a friend. I guess I never thought of things like that.”

Therese texts back, “Would you be willing to go to midnight mass on Christmas Eve with me? I’m sure you’d look cute with a crocheted doily on your head.”

I wasn’t sure what a doily was or what I would look like. I knew whatever it was it would be worth it if it helped the healing of our friendship.

Sierra later told me, “If you’re going to their Midnight Christmas Mass; you’ll need to go to our earlier service. You will look extra precious wearing a doily,”

Sierra said, “If you’re giving some of your friends' gifts, as Roberta or Rose? You may want me to go shopping with you. Girls often get more personal gifts than guys often give. …I know you are better than some, but you might enjoy learning and give from a different perspective.”

The Sunday morning service we often go to begins at 9:30. So I was a little shocked when Sierra wakes me before 7:00 a.m. “What gives; why are you waking me so early?”

“Because I want you to be nice and alert when you get ready. Go take a shower and make sure you use our girl stuff. You don’t want to look like a girl but smell like Robert. Then we’ll eat and you can brush your teeth again. Then we’ll begin getting Rose ready for church.”

Because she told me what to do, I better noticed the differences. By 8:30, I was bright-eyed and could sense the difference as I was getting ready and looking in the mirror. That’s to say nothing about the sweet fragrance of smelling like a girl. ‘I now kind of wonder, how many times I appeared as Dort or Rose while smelling like Robert, come the end of a school day.’

‘I can remember many times I wondered why my sisters would come home from somewhere and take a quick shower to freshen up. Now, I’m proud of doing the same and wondering if I will appear different to others.’

The deep rose-pink dress that was out for me, looks wonderful. It has a full skirt and with the clincher, it gave me the start of a figure. Especially as I scooted into 2 ½” heels. I’m more comfortable going to church looking more convincing as a girl.

Mrs. Dunlavy stops us, as we approach the front doors of the church. She says, “Well, I don’t suspect any of us ever expected to see one of our young guys walking into the church looking like a nice young lady. But knowing all the progress you’ve made; I know I am very proud of the young woman you make. Congratulations on the progress you’ve made. Please know I am rooting for your turn-around.”

My Mom and I both say thanks. Sonja says, “Thanks, I think Rose had mixed feelings about how she’d be accepted here.”

Mrs. Dunlavy says, “Rose is it! Well, why don’t all of you sit with Trisha, Jason, and me? Trisha has become a fan of your cheering at their basketball games. She’s said you brought more fans to the game to watch you cheer as they play basketball. Since you haven’t fallen flat on your face or looked pathetic in your uniform, more fans have discovered they like coming to their games.” My sisters and I look to our Mom, to see if we should sit with them.

We know sitting with the Dunlavys will help me some in being accepted by others in the church. Trisha even wanted Sonja and me to sit next to her. She said, “You know, we miss you not showing up in youth fellowship since all this happened. …I for one give you a lot of credit for showing up this morning as you have.”

Jason is sitting off with some other young people who have come to the worship service. This is the church’s contemporary service. It moves along, even the sermon is a dialogue that moves along. It’s between one of the shepherds, Pastor Groves, and Mary a Hispanic girl representing being a girl from our high school. The message has to do with who is welcome to see the Christ Child.

There is an invitation to all the worshippers to come forward and to receive prayer and blessing saying, “Joy to the World, for unto you at the Nativity long ago the event was for the peace and goodwill for all people of all times.”

Trisha and a friend Travis made sure I knew I was included. Travis and Mary from the youth group both made it a point to say, “Pastor Groves is glad you came today dressed as Dort.”

Pastor Groves, who has long known I carry anger towards my parents and my being bullied. He asked me to come by and visit sometime during the week around 10:00 a.m. I didn’t commit myself one way or the other.

Once in the car and away from the church, Mom announces we’re going out to dinner and then going to a special shopping village all decorated for Christmas. Dad and my oldest sister Shannon were to meet us at the restaurant.

The good news is there’s a good chance we won’t see many people we know. The bad news is it's cold in the village where we will be walking outside between many of the shops. Mom, my sisters, as well as I, are going to get cold with the cold wind blowing around our legs. The others are used to it but I’m not used to it at all.

The restaurant has a nice buffet, where I generally would pig out. Sonja quickly reminds me, ‘You can't afford to eat everything you want less you look like a blimp in your cheer outfit.’

Nancy a long-time waitress there, remembers us and that our family has three daughters and one son. “Is this young woman a friend or relation?”

Sierra said with a giggle, “She’s related. With Rose coming along Robert could not be here.” Nancy took our drink orders and walked away not sure about asking more.

Mom was the one who broke the news first with Nancy. “I don’t know if you heard but the community we come from had trouble from some of the boys in the school and one of them has to dress as a girl and mascot. That punishment is keeping him from getting suspended from school.”

Nancy takes a series of looks at me and looked around. “Was that what you meant Sierra about Rose and Rob not being able to be here at the same time? …Rob’s kind of lucky, though I doubt he feels fortunate. Looking this well as a teenage girl should cost him a lot less grief.”

She talks directly to me, “Are you learning anything other than being embarrassed. …It happened to one of my brothers when we were growing up. But he didn’t look this good; nor did he learn anything other than trying harder not to get caught. ”

It is the first time in person that Monna a friend of Grandma’s has seen me. She had seen me over the internet and a smartphone. Monna insists that I sing as one of the Anderson girls next Sunday at Grandma Nobil’s church. It is a small country church that my sisters traditionally have sung at some time during Advent.

The church had been dying and diminishing to numbers for decades. Monna says, “Finally more homes are being built and people have moved out into the area and some have begun worshipping with us.” The attendance was up to thirty the last time we had been there. Grandma Nobil said, ‘There could be over sixty attending this week. And yes, we still want the Anderson girl’s to sing a special song during the service. You’re also invited to sing with our nine-member choir.’

Shannon said, “I’m glad to see you dressing up little bro’. We’ll need to find you along heavy red skirt for when we sing at Grandma’s church.”

Once we started shopping, I was rarely thinking about how I was dressed.

We did see the Danvers a young family we knew from our community. Cheryl and her mother are shopping with Cheryl’s seven-month-old Holly. Holly is bundled up nice and cozy. This will be Cheryl’s third Christmas being married but her first Christmas having a family. The little I could see with her all bundled up, she looked pretty much like she did when they first moved here.

Everyone took turns holding Holly. I didn’t ask but I ended holding Holly when the rest of them went with Cheryl to look at holiday dresses. They took over half an hour and I had to find a place to sit and give Holly a bottle of her mother’s milk. Holly had burped and was trying to sleep when they finally came back.

“Oh thank you, Roberta. It is good to know that you’re such a good babysitter.” She had shown my sisters some pretty red skirts dresses that I now needed to see and try on.

One could tell Cheryl’s mother was not warm towards me like the others. She was uncomfortable with me as well as upset that Cheryl entrusted Holly to be alone with me.

Unfortunately, it had been quite obvious the so-called proud Grandmother was not willing to miss shopping to stay with her granddaughter.

Having parted from them, we continued to look around. We hadn’t forgotten about the red holiday skirts. It was just there were a few stores in between that supposedly we couldn’t miss.

In the past, I had as a little boy bought holiday jewelry for my mother. It was strange to now look at some clothes wondering how it might look on me as Rose. Sierra quietly approached me, “If you would like some, please let me know. What mom’s looking at isn’t necessarily a good choice for you.”

When we finally got to the holiday clothes that they were talking about; my sisters decided it was time for a change. Shannon said, “The long heavy skirts we have are outdated by more than a few years. We need a change. Roberta would you please try on this skirt and if you like it the rest of us plan to change as well.”

Mother says, “And who is going to pay for all of them?”

Shannon said emphatically, “You and Dad owe it to Robert and all of us. Dad’s precious image in the community should pay for something. We’ve all gone through some grief without much of a thank you. Robert’s being bullied and now this situation went too far without you two speaking up as you should have!”

Mom was about to cry and she looked at her mother. Grandma Nobil remained silent. Mom looked to Shannon, “Why didn’t you say anything when it happened?”

Shannon said, “Mother, I was two states away. The decision was made before I knew anything about it.”

My Mom looked at me; I said, “What did you want me to say, other than what I did? I made a big mistake and hurt two friends. There was no way that I was saying more. Each day seemed to hold new surprises. After the first week, I was stuck and decided to make it work the best I could.”

“Getting nice holiday skirts isn’t quite where I would have drawn the line. But now, if I’m going to get a chance to sing with them; yes, this skirt and new ones for them. They’ll actually give us a better look suited for 2018.”

“Even if I only wear mine once, I want Grandma to be proud of this granddaughter.” I began to giggle as I hug my oldest sister. Mom apologized and asked my sisters to choose skirts that complimented mine.

The next morning I was asked by my Mother for us to visit privately. She first apologized, “I am sorry; I hadn’t realized. Where should we start? Should we stop everything and take all this to court to straighten it all out?”

I said, “Shannon and I visited after I went to bed last night. We’re afraid that if we do that after I agreed to do this. Well, there is no assurance that a court would believe me now. It probably would be a good thing if I could get a good counselor. I need to work through a lot of things.”

“That might lead us to other steps to take. I have accepted what I’m doing for now. I somehow think I’m learning a lot from looking at things from a girl’s perspective. Like I told Shannon; seeing myself as a girl didn’t start recently. I was in first grade when I first wore some of my sisters’ clothes. It was in fifth grade that I stopped thinking I was a sissy. That liking to girl clothes as well as learning girl things was different from what I thought.”

Mom looked at me, “You feel like a girl right now don’t you?” It was good hearing she recognized that. I smiled at her as we then hugged.

“Mom, I do want to be Rose during the Christmas break, but not all of the time.” I went to the door, “Shannon, could you please come in here for a moment?”

She came right away as we had agreed. “Mom, Shannon is going to help me in learning to speak up. We think I need to learn that. You’ve accepted some responsibility, but we’re not so sure about Dad’s willingness in making the needed changes.”

Mom said, “I talked to your father last night and I told him we need to be making some changes. We’ll need to see what he’s open to.”

Shannon spoke, “He’s the one who will need to see what we’re open to!”

It was different to be out to breakfast with mom, my sisters with me as one of the girls. I was eating thinking nothing of it, when Sierra asked, “Are you intentionally eating like Shannon?”

I told her, “I did when I was younger. I guess that was what I naturally found myself doing as Rose and Dort. I hope it won’t offend anyone.”

“I suspect it might upset someone like Dane,” she said.

Once back to our suite, Sonja pulled me over to a table. She had three nail polishes that I was to choose from. I said, “I like this unusual red, but what kind of lip-gloss could I wear with it?” Sonja smiled, “Shannon said you’d choose that. The good news I bought a lipstick that matches it.”

I kind of leap up from my seat and remembered my skirt at the same time. “Wow!” said Sierra. “Her legs are already looking more like they belong to a cheerleader. Have any of the boys at school noticed how nice your legs are?”

I said, “Yes, every time I dressed as Dort I got teased for trying to look like a girl. I became agitated when Dane would do it. Any more stupid questions?”

Sierra said, “I wasn’t teasing, some boy may honestly say you have nice or cute legs? If it hasn’t happened yet. I won’t be surprised if it happens soon. Somebody may even ask you to dance or to go on a date.”

I look at my legs as I sit there. The skirt is halfway up my thigh. If I hadn’t known they were mine; I too would have sworn they were the legs of a girl in a pretty skirt. I'm not wanting to become a girl, but tonight I’m comfortable with them belonging to me.

Sonja’s finished painting my nails. I decided to quietly wait for my nails to dry, as I am listening to my sisters talking. It seemed funny to me that many of the things I do as Rose are a reflection of them...

I forgot to tell you that on Saturday, that we had toured the USS Cook as we were invited to do. They did not fully know when they were to sail back to their Mediterranean port. They expect it to be by Christmas, or before the New Year at the latest. Since we had seen them on Wednesday, Jennifer Fields was promoted to full Lieutenant. She did not tell us what area of the ship that she would serve over.

We met Mid-shipman Robert Paul Anderson again as well as several midshipmen, who were close to our age. The youngest being eighteen having graduated from high school the previous school year. Several of our girls who came were especially happy to meet them. Needless to say, I was not one of them.

Robert Paul Anderson said, “Several of the guys and one of the ensigns, had to be told who you were as they found you attractive.” Well, I already knew about the ensign a woman who had identified herself during their visit to our school.

I had asked her, “Is it as Dort or Robert that you find me attractive?”

“I probably shouldn’t say. Just remember that I haven’t met Robert.”

We were limited in the pictures we could take. And while things such as their radar and solar screens were filled with blips of aircraft and watercraft enthralled us; such places were off-limits to cameras and any phone. The blips on the screens filled the skies over New York City and New Jersey and on the waterways for a good distance. It was like science fiction to be down in those darkened areas. We didn’t understand half of what the radar and sonar people could detect. But seeing the ship and faces of the crew; made it more personal to all of us.

Lieutenant Fields gave me a white scarf she had worn. We were alone when she asked, “Is it likely that we will see you, Dort, upon our return here or Philadelphia in late spring?”

I was not sure what to say in reply. “Are you really expecting that I might be Dort for your return?”

She said, “Ensign Triens and I have talked and there have been others. We’ve gotten the sense that you enjoy part of your life as a girl. One of your friends mentioned you are choosing to be Rose for Christmas. That sounds like you’re being comfortable with being a young woman.”

I hurried to say, “I am doing that because it is the only Christmas I get as a girl part of the time.”

Jennifer Fields had a smile that suggested otherwise. “While I do agree, it could be a fun treat for the right person. Doing it would seem to me, to suggest you have become very comfortable Rose.”

She showed me a small wrapped gift with an indication I should take it. But there were comments that I shouldn’t consider that it was from them. I stashed it in my larger bag that already was holding the scarf she gave me.

On our way back home I took a glimpse at the gift and Anne also got a glimpse of it. She asked, “Did Jennifer Fields give you that?”

“It’s nothing, please forget that you saw it.”

Anne said, “I saw the scarf Jennifer gave you. She gave me a pair of white dress gloves. I think you should be happy that they treat you as one of us girls.”

Back to life as normal, though normal now is anything but normal for a healthy boy. Monday afternoon we were home and I was practicing three songs that we might sing the following Sunday at Grandma’s church. I like the three songs we chose to practice and focus on: ‘O Holy Night’, ‘Mary Did You Know?’ and ‘O Come All Ye Faithful’. While the songs are familiar, it was strange to be singing them as Rose.

Sierra was the first to say, “Rose, you have a surprisingly good voice. You are a definite soprano.” My sisters were all agreeing as we took a break.

I asked, “Mother, did you hear that. They think I have a good voice as a girl?”

My mother looked up and said, “Yes, I heard and I agree, but I’m a little surprised that you seem happy with that. I thought you were upset at being coerced to be a girl. And now it sounds like you’re happy about it. I could tell over the past month that you were getting better at using your feminine voice. But I didn’t want to upset you by commenting about it.”

It was confusing to me that they were happy that I was singing with my sisters a Grandma’s church. But I was getting mixed messages because I was singing well as a girl. As usual, I went to Shannon. She agreed that I was doing well and that I should enjoy it, as long as I didn’t feel pressured to do it.

We practiced for over another half hour, and we were starting to sing a little more in parts.

We were back and forth later from Shannon’s to Sonja’s bedrooms. We were all meeting with other friends tonight. I put on a full skirt. Sierra complimented me on how my legs were looking very pretty. While I was kind of please, I’m getting ambivalent feelings about how much, I’m Rose.

The feeling of my stockings going up my legs reassures me that I like being Rose. Even my boyhood enjoys being neatly cradled away. I brought my makeup into Shannon’s room to use her vanity as I put it on. I’m liking the fact that when I do my face, Rose easily comes to the forefront.

Shannon compliments the choice of my makeup.

I am surprised as it is Therese Jeters who drove to pick me up. Yes, Anne was with her, the party is with the cheer team. I was confused. Mom greets them at the door and welcomes them into the house. Mom hands them an overnight bag. She says, “I hope this is what you wanted. If Rose isn’t comfortable doing it, do not force her. You just call after the party and one of us will pick her up. That way the rest of you can continue to enjoy your night.

Therese smiles saying, “If anyone should be nervous about a sleepover with the cheer team it should be me. I’m the only girl who is not a member of the cheer team.”

I speak up and interrupt them, “What is this about a sleepover? I wasn’t told about the sleepover. I was told it would be our cheer team’s Christmas party.”

Anne shyly says, “Oh, I was sure, we said, to plan for more like usual.”

“You indicated there might be more, but no one said anything more to me.” ‘Definitely, there was no mention about a sleepover… Oh, I get it. It wasn’t mentioned to me because I can’t do it.’ I’m trying not to let any hurt show. I know they shouldn’t have to cancel something like that because of me.

Anne said, “How can you be so naïve Rose? You just saw your mother hand us an overnight bag.”

Shannon's now standing next to our mother. “Gee, little sis. You weren’t told because no one wanted you to be nervous. They had to get permission from so many parents and the coach.”

Shannon turned her attention to Anne and Therese, “I probably shouldn’t mention this, but besides Robert having classes in dance and tumbling when he was smaller. He first started mimicking me when I was a cheerleader and actually practice with Sierra at home when she needed to practice a new routine.”

I knew I was turning red from embarrassment. I grabbed my coat, an older coat of Sonja’s, and started for the door. “Let’s get going or I’m going to lose my nerve and stay home.” I was out the door with Anne and Therese following me. Shannon ran up to me and I was about to yell at her. Then I saw she was holding my purse.

Shannon gives me a hug and holds me for a moment. “Relax, you are not above being teased. Please don’t tell me, Rose, you’ve lost your sense of humor.” She takes a half-step back, wanted to say something more, but some emotions got to her. “Go, before, you see your big sister, lose it.”

I turned and sought to get into the back of the car without Anne or Therese seeing my emotions well up inside me.

Anne handed me a tissue, she said, “Make sure, you don’t ruin your makeup.” I mumbled, my thanks.

We were soon moving along, on our way to meet the others. They had three large tables end to end for our group. There were the cheerleaders, Connie, and Jayne who I worked with me doing the little extras, and Meg who was like the trainer and support student. And then over half the girls had boyfriends along. Coach Alexis House and her infant daughter Katie. Sandra and Sharon as the cheer captains were giving directions and choreographed the party.

With the number of boyfriends, who were there I was feeling like an extra. Brady Thomas came over near me and I was kind of surprised. I asked, “What are you doing here? Are you in with one of the team and I didn’t know it?”

Brady said, “I’m with someone and it’s probably to your surprise, but I’m here to be with you. Anne asked me to come thinking you’d feel strange, not having a friend with you.”

“I thought you had just been around when Anne thought I needed protection?”

He said, “That was over three weeks ago. I’ve begun liking to be with you. I thought we were becoming good friends. We even danced some at the last school dance.”

It kind of felt strange, thinking of him as a boy and a close friend. When I moved closer to him and he put his hand around my waist. It actually felt kind of nice. We found two chairs next to each other and enjoyed ourselves. Despite all of us being from the same school and knowing each other. Sharon and Sandra had team members stand and introduce themselves and their significant friends.

It wasn’t until they were getting to Anne, did I worry. When Anne introduced Pete and he kissed her like some of the other guys had done, that I began to worry even more. Therese even had Brian who was with her. And next, it was my turn.

I introduced myself and kind of stumbled in thought. Anne hummed and then said, “Aren’t you forgetting your manners?”

I motioned for Brad to stand, “Brady is my protecting knight.” Someone said, “Can he kiss you if he wants?”

I began to say, “He could but I don’t think he would want to.” But Brady stepped forward and gave me a warm kiss on the lips. I hugged him and started to say, ‘Thanks.’ But this time I felt the compulsion to kiss him. “Sorry, there are some reactions creeping into my life that I can’t explain.”

The next thing I knew, Coach Alexis House was speaking to us. “I am going to say only a few words and I appreciate being with you. But Katie and I will soon leave you alone. I do want to thank you. Each year’s cheer team becomes special in its own way. This year’s team, because of circumstances has been more so. Sandra and Sharon, you’re doing an excellent job of leading and keeping this group working as a team. We’ve begun a new tradition with Dort the Destroyer, and I’m very sure there will never be another quite like our first Dorothy.”

She continued, “I want to thank Anne, Therese, and even Brady for helping to make it work. I am thankful for the effort Dort has put into helping it to continue as a team of girls. When Robert had his little meltdown in the gymnasium and Anne had gotten hurt. I was afraid the season was irreparably harmed and we wouldn’t recover. Everyone has risen to the occasion and it may end up being one of the best years’ ever.”

"I thank all of you who have helped me with Katie and juggling the attention I’ve sometimes needed to give to her when I’m also the coach. This has been an excellent year to bring attention to girls’ athletics. It would have been a shame with the caliber of girls competing in so many activities.

“The last thing is to thank you for going out of your way and helping to advertise for the girls’ ensembles for their holiday program. Connie told me you had listened to both the musicians and singers practicing. Knowing that very few know how good this program would be; you took it upon yourselves to take time to develop a little bit of advertisement and public relations for them.”

With the Coach gone, the girls decided to take extra time there to dance and visit with their friends. Mary Err and Jayne James, alias JJ, enjoyed being out together in the public and having the Cheer Team support them. JJ said, “Brady, it is an extra joy for us to have you and Dort together. How long have you two been an item?”

Brady said, “I’ve liked Robert for well over a year, but he didn’t know it was like this for me.” He was right, I hadn’t realized it until he acknowledged it now. I had thought he got caught up in things like I did.

There he was happily smiling and I didn’t know what to say. ‘Honestly, it woke me up to how others looked at us. The fact that I wasn’t repulsed that another boy liked me was a surprise. But now being friends, affectionate friends, now seemed natural.

We shared two slow dances and I confessed my surprise at liking another boy as Dort. He asked, “So what happens if others catch on that Rose likes this knight?”

“I’m guessing it is not a matter of if. I think that’s just a matter of time. I don’t see myself like other guys. It’s my coming to like being a girl and accepting my feelings for you.” It was then I felt that Brad was aroused, and knew I too felt my affections for him become warmer.

It was then that Sharon sprinkled some crushed ice down my back. I know she enjoyed my reaction. Sharon said, “I am happy to get back at you. I know you have done it to the likes of my sister, Charlene.” Now that you’re being a girl, can you tell me why a boy needs to do those things? It’s like you’re afraid to tell her you like her.”

“It’s not like, I’m attracted to every girl I’ve done it to. I would rather be friends and just talk naturally like we are friends. A boy talks to a girl and people assume you really like her, like a boy-girl thing.”

Sharon said, “Well now you can talk to me as a friend. We can talk about makeup, panties, and if you should wear something so your bra shows. …If you’d like it, I and Mark would double date with you and Brady or any other boy you would fancy.”

Sharon asks if I would dance with her. It was a slow dance and would give us a chance to talk some more. I know you still like girls. I just want to ask you to wait until the cheer team is done in the spring before you ask Anne or someone on the team for a date. That’s even if you decide to be Rose Anderson until the end of the school year.”

I shake my head and stop dancing a little before the dance is through. I ask, “Why would you say anything like that. Why would I want to be Dort or a girl any longer than I have to?”

She says, “Because after you don’t have to, you might find it hard to stop. I think you like to be a girl more than you had. It might be even harder when the bright colors and spring clothes are out.”

I run for the door because I’m about ready to cry. Thankfully, Sharon and Therese catch me. Sharon’s saying, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Don’t leave or get angry with me.”

I turn and bury my eyes in her shoulder, “I’m not angry with you. Who told you?”

Sharon said, “Who told me what?”

I said, “I thought I didn’t tell anyone. So who told you? That I think I want to be a girl. I was afraid to say it out loud.” Sharon draws back like she’s surprised and her mouth rounds out as to say ‘Oh’, but she catches herself.

Then she takes hold of me with two hands “OMG, I have to take this in.” I look to Therese, and she’s nodding her head in agreement.

Therese asks, “You’ve been talking and acting like a girl so much that I’ve been taken with you. I wouldn’t wish this on a boy, but Rose causes my panties to dampen…”

To be continued...

My sisters and I practiced several times for singing at Grandma’s church. We went to Grandma’s on Saturday, to practice in the church and to be closer in the morning.

Getting there in the morning, we found that Therese had coerced Sharon to bring her all the way to church. Their being there was impressive. We had just warmed up, practicing the songs as worshippers were beginning to come in. There the two of them were, looking around. I guess they were surprised people came to a small, old church.

We were surprised because the dwindling number of worshippers had turned around. Now with five more minutes to go; they already had over sixty people there. Grandma said they even have teenagers and young families coming to church.

Several of the older women were happy to see me. They said, “We remember the good old days when grandma had three granddaughters and a grandson. Rose, it is delightful to have you here. We decided to make it known to you that we are glad you are here, just like you are.” Mrs. Tufts said, “You make such a pretty girl and you’re so relaxed. It is hard for me to see why you would want to go back to being a boy.”

This morning’s service had a lot of music, between all the hymns and carols the congregation sang. Two by us, one by the choir, and together we sang O Come All Ye Faithful. A young mother, named Laurie, even sang the song, Mary Did You Know.

My sisters were happy because all of the special songs were different and all the songs were up-tempo. That made it more difficult for me as it was still new to me to sing like a girl.

Come worship time, the sanctuary was almost full. We were happy for Grandma, as Shannon said, “It makes it nice to sing with so many happy faces.”

We were up in the front of the sanctuary after worship when Brigid a high school girl came up to talk to Sonja and me. Therese came up in time to hear Brigid ask, “Since I can’t tell, which of you isn’t a girl, does that mean you like being a girl?”

Therese was being quiet, which made me nervous. I was wanting to talk to Brigid a little to determine if I could trust someone else to know.

Therese spoke up, “I’m from the school that is disciplining Rose. I am interested in her answer too.” Therese introduced herself and we had a fun time talking. Sharon and Therese were invited to Grandma’s. I think Grandma was wanting to hear more about Robert become Robsert.

Grandma did give me one present that she said Therese might be especially interested in. So with Therese looking on the gift was given. It was very light and the box was small for clothing, but Shannon said, “It still could be, coming from a woman’s store.” I coerced off the ribbon and slide my painted fingernails under the paper to minimize damage from lifting up taped areas. What I did was not lost on the women around me. I lifted the top and moved away some of the tissue that was around the gift. I found a delicate white blouse with fine lace tooling above the chest area. And when I lifted up the blouse a white lace handkerchief fell along with an old hairpin.

Sierra and Therese showed how the lace cloth was to be pinned in my hair when I went to the Christmas Eve Mass with Therese.

When I gave Grandma a hug; she encouraged me to go give Therese a kiss.

I went to Therese and said, “I guess Grandma heard of your invite to your church and it inspired this gift. Thanks.” I leaned over to give Therese a kiss. Therese stepped closer to me and the kiss became mutual. The kiss was on the lips, not the cheek as I intended. Therese made it a passionate kiss.

She said, “I wanted to do that for a long time. But after I got rammed into the wall and you didn’t talk to me. Well, I wasn’t sure that you even saw me as a friend. Just now, I felt that you too had some passion for me.”

I was stunned, but Sonja was close by and said, “You’re going to tell her aren’t you. I know she’d like to hear that.”

All my sisters and a cousin gathered around us. “Yes, I like you a real lot. It was just that I didn’t dare to say anything before. Then I hurt you and I was sure that ruined any chance I had with you. And now I am in a silly girl’s outfit.”

Therese moved to hug me, and I had water in my eyes. “It’s a very nice outfit and you look very nice in it. I hope you have more that are pretty and you’ll wear one if we would go out together.”

It made me feel all warm inside to have Therese there. It all meant a lot, what she did.

Being at Grandma’s before Christmas always feels wonderful. This was the first, I’ve experienced this Christmas being Rose.

Sierra and I were able to ride home with Sharon and Therese. We left there Sunday afternoon as it was getting dark. I wanted to give her a good night kiss, but with Sierra and Sharon there I was nervous. I quickly gave Therese a kiss, like Sierra and I got out of the car at home. It became a little embarrassing as some boys rode by and saw me. “You make a darling girl, Robert!”

That was an unwanted reality check that not everyone was comfortable with me. But for once, it didn’t change my mood. I intentionally decided to stay dressed as Rose and go to the young people’s party at the church. I was given a bottle of scented bubble bath which was a present each of the girls received.

I was one of four girls who was asked to change into elf costumes as we went caroling. It did cause me to become cold as we went from house to house. There were two groups and we each went to seven places to sing. Then we finally met at the assisted living and nursing home to sing together.

Someone asked if we could sing, “Mary Did You Know”. Anne and Jayne both said they could and I asked if I could sing background. The weird looks I got, caused me to tell them I sang it with my sisters.

I was pinched on my butt by two old men before we got out of there. Anne said, “Welcome to a girl’s world, where old men try to defy nature and show that they still are good.”

I said, “But they weren’t good!”

“Kind of like you, when someone would tell you what you had to do,” she said. ‘Touché!’

Once we were back at the church, two of the other guys in the youth group wanted to talk with me. Doug said to me, “We couldn’t do what you’re doing. We’re surprised, you don’t just stay home and out of sight.” Brian said, “I for one would have slapped that one old geezer if he touched me.”

I said, “I couldn’t risk getting into any more trouble.”

He said, “It was partly your fault for looking like a pretty girl. I’m not sure you didn’t deserve it.”

Jayne said, “Do you mean if one of us looks a certain way, getting hit upon is our fault?”

Brian said, “It wasn’t said to you. Don’t take it wrong.”

I said, “You should be dressed like this and around girls. Hearing what they put up with from guys; makes a guy think.”

Doug joked, “You mean you still see yourself as one of the boys?” I knew he was joking and I laughed with him. He admitted, “I guess you’ve gotten to hear some of the dumb stuff, haven’t you?”

The next day was Christmas Eve, and mom had me up early. She was taking Sierra and me to a salon where I would not be recognized. True to her word, she paid for our salon appointments including a manicure and pedicure. Mom was right, I thought having my toenails done was very enjoyable.

However, Mom was also wrong, as my beautician recognized me. She asked Sierra, “How do you think your brother is doing as a girl?”

Megan said, “I was at their school to watch my sister’s team play against them when the Navy women were there. I even saw she was a good sport when she climbed the rope.”

Megan turned to me, “I can tell that you have been treating your hair and skin pretty well. Or does this mean your sisters are doing all the work?”

I looked to Sierra as we started talking at the same time, I stopped. Sierra said, “We told her right away. We would help, but she needed to do most of it herself. We didn’t agree about all the punishment. We told Robert if he accepted the punishment that he couldn’t be looking like a clown. He’s worked at it to be presentable.”

“More recently, we suggested that he try experiencing his only Christmas as a girl. We would like your cooperation or we’ll be done here.”

Megan said, “No there’s no need to do that. I’m happy you’re here. I guess I didn’t quite know how to make a conversation with ‘Dort’ is it?”

I spoke up, “Actually when I present like this, I’m Rose.”

She said, “Well Rose, how would you like your hair done? I would be happy to put in a few more hair extensions to give your hair more volume.”

I said, “That would be nice, thanks.”

Sierra said, “Rose, I would suggest not. If you put in the extensions, you’ll have trouble looking like yourself when you go back to school.”

“You’re one who said, I might like looking like a girl for Christmas.”

Sierra decided not to say anything more and let me do it. It was exciting, watching Megan do everything. She did the extensions and then trimmed the ends to be the correct length for the style we decided on. By then the extensions were set and she shampooed my hair. And began to roll the curls and set them in curlers, clips, or pins. My sister and I were under the dryers part of the same time. She was being nice to me, which should have warned me. She did say, I would look pretty.

We were close to being done when our mother came back. My hair was being combed out, and I thought I looked stunning when my mother saw it.

She said, “Rose, you are looking very pretty. But do you realize what you’ve done?”

Mom knew what she said, upset me. She said, “Rose, I told you, you look pretty and I mean it. You will look very nice tonight. But it will cause you problems when you go back to school and try to look like Rob again. And I was already spending extra on the pedicure and manicure.”

Megan said, “I told her I would add some with no extra charge.”

Mom said, “Did you tell him, how long the extensions often last?”

Megan said, “I am willing to take them out come January 2nd before he starts back to school. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to cause her, him to be in trouble.”

My mother said, “It’s not your fault, Sierra should have warned her.” Sierra and I tried talking at the same time again.

This time I kept talking. “Mom, she did, but I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

Mom said, “That’s fine, but you’ll have to live with the consequences. I am sure the girls' basketball and cheer teams will enjoy it when you travel with them to the girls’ holiday tournament.”

Mom said, “And I will wait until at least the fifth of January before I get you back here. Megan can take the extensions out, but I want the curls to stay.”

Mom turns to Sierra, “Rose’s hair is going to look beautiful; can you help her so that her makeup looks as good?” Sierra agreed, and we were soon going home. I was too excited by how I looked to be discouraged.

Once home, I had to wait before it was time to get ready for the Christmas Eve services. I had gifts to wrap and that took most of the time.

My other sisters teased me when they saw my hair. Shannon said, “Little Sis, you’ll be prettier than most of the other girls at either service. What are you going to do if they get jealous? Worse, what are you going to say, when some boy asks you for a date? You can’t tell him you’re a boy, or you’ll embarrass him, especially if there are others around you.”

I bathed protecting my hair from getting wet. I had put on my new panty and bra set that was part of the Christmas ensemble that my sisters said I’d get if I was a girl. The white stockings are delicate and have a lace top. It was then time to do most of my makeup. Shannon was to help me, but she said, “I’ll watch you, and I’ll do what you can’t.”

I was sure that meant she’d be doing it in a minute or two. I surprised myself as I went lighter than I usually do with the concealer and foundation. Shannon suggests makeup with a tint more color. My eyeshadow was pink on a white background. It was quite cute but I wanted something more exciting. Shannon said trust me. She took over finishing my makeup. I saw it was much like Shannon’s face that I thought was beautiful. My cheeks had a frosted glow. While hers were beautiful, they somehow reflected her being a woman of twenty-three. One set of my earrings were silver stars with diamond centers. The other was frosted pink rings. The necklace went with the silver and diamond motif, and the bracelet went with both.

Finally, it was time to put on the dress and all my sisters and my mother were there to help or watch. It was a beautiful white dress with a full skirt and a top that clings at my waist and snugs my upper curves. Shannon had a wide pink sash that looks like a giant ribbon. It fits on to me like a belt with a matching big pink bow. My shoes had three-inch heels, crushed valor with three pink flowers on the side.

I hadn’t noticed, but as I slid my feet into the shoes; there I was in front of Shannon’s full-length mirror. Having been in girl mode all day; the high voice scream that came out of me, should not have been a surprise. I was holding my hands in front of my face, waving them as I’ve often seen my sisters do.

I look around seeing my sisters, Mom, and Anne are all happy for me. 'Anne!' Anne said with delight, “I can’t believe you were smart enough to pick such a beautiful Christmas ensemble. I just love it.”

I looked to my sisters and I knew, no one would say anything if I took the credit. “I love it too, but I think my sisters are the ones who put it all together.”

Sonja said, “It was mostly her oldest sister but we all, including Mom, agreed on the final look.”

Shannon asked me to bend at the knees and she put on the white lace and pinned it to my hair. I had to sit as Shannon finished doing my lips with a reddish-pink glossy lipstick. She did my blush that deepened the frosty pink glow of my cheeks.

I am handed my purse as it is time to go. We want to go early enough to find seats together. I check my purse, making sure everything is in there. None of the sisters nor Anne wear a coat though it is chilly.

Mrs. Dunlavy and her daughter are there to greet us. Thankfully, my parents are to sit with Mrs. Dunlavy; while Trish and Sharon Moore will sit with us over in another section. I hear my name and look up as Shannon is getting pictures of Sharon, Anne, Trish, and me.

The service is good and my enjoyment as Rose is all I could have hoped for and more. After the service, the high school and college-age girls all find a place to gather and talk in front of the church. I asked Sierra, “Why did all the high school and college girls get together this year? I don’t ever remember this many or you do that.”

Sierra said, “You didn’t notice because you were either back in the car or focusing on Anne from a distance. If you would have stayed closer, maybe you would have learned earlier to be in conversation with girls isn’t hard.”

It was almost ten o’clock when we got home. My mother told me to use the bathroom, as I would not last until the midnight mass would be over.

I could not believe all the work it was to be able to use the toilet and get myself put back together. Mom insisted I change my panty and stockings, “You will be surprised how much fresher a girl can feel doing that.”

She was right, though I don’t feel a need to explain it.

It was 10:30 when Mr. Jeter and Therese picked me up. It had begun to snow some twenty minutes earlier and the snow was falling heavier now.

Shannon hands me her overnight bag as I’m leaving. Mrs. Jeters called and she wants you prepared to stay overnight just in case it is too bad after midnight. Therese smiled as I walked to their car. “I see mom must have called you too. I thought you might have to wear some of my clothes.”

When we got to the Jeters' house, Mrs. Jeters and Therese’s older sister were ready and got into the car. While their church was pretty full, Mrs. Jeters surmised the snow was keeping some people away. Therese took me to the side of the church where there were candles some five rows deep and at least four feet wide. I could see there was another set of these votive candles. Therese and I smiled as we shared our prayerful thoughts and each lit a candle. She showed me how to cross myself and suggested I do that as I made a curtsy like a bow toward the candles.

There was a water mist that hit my head as I did it. I looked around and even asked Therese about it. She said nothing happened, but I was sure it did. I looked up behind me and there was this statue of a woman with one hand out to me. I asked who that was supposed to be, I was automatically thinking it was Mary.

Therese said, “Why do you think she blessed you? You better watch out, she might help you to become a good girl.”

Therese and I get back with her family and her sister Angie is sitting on the other side of me. “You are making an adorable girl, Robert. So as Rose do you see things as more precious tonight.”

Both services were special and I couldn’t have asked for anything more. Leaving the church, I found the experience was not over. There were three more inches of snow on the ground and it was still snowing. The wind added to the driving problems and meant I was staying the night with the Jeters…

Story to be continued...

Therese and her sister Angelina were happy that Rose was going to stay over for the night. They were even more excited when they realize that Rose was nervous about it. Therese asked, “What are you nervous about? Your sister gave you an overnight bag and we’re happy to have you. Are you afraid that Santa won’t know where you are?”

Angelina said, “If you are worried I’ll give yo one of my stockings to hang up.”

Their Mother, Bonnie Jeters, soon came into the room carrying clean sheets, a blanket, and a fluffy pink comforter. “Rose are you willing to help me change a bed over for you? If not I can get one of my girls to help me.”

I said, “I’m not as good as my sisters, but I can help. I am thankful, you are allowing me to sleep over with the storm outside. I apologize for being a problem.”

Mrs. Jeters asked, “Did you check and see what was packed for you? I suspect everything is there as you’re from another girls’ house.”

I had, in fact, checked and Shannon while hurried packed for Rose two panties, teddy bear pajamas, a skirt with tights as well as a blouse, a fresh panty, and bra for tomorrow. There were a small brush and some toiletries, but not everything a girl needs.

I helped with making the bed and leaned over to stretch and pull the blanket in place. Mrs. Jeters said, “When you’re presenting as Rose. You need to be mindful of how you move in a skirt.”

“You’ll be sleeping here and Therese will be in with her big sister tonight. I hope you don’t mind, but I have our spare room set up for their grandparents and the basement rooms are set for my sister’s family. They all should be here tomorrow morning if the roads are clear.”

She said, “Once you’ve showered and are ready for bed. You can either go right to sleep, or stay up and talk with the girls. I’ve heard Trish tell Therese that you’re one of the girls as Rose and usually enjoy being part of the girl talk.”

While it is true as far as the cheer team and basketball players, I’m embarrassed others know of my girl side. Therese interrupted her Mom, “Mom that’s why I don’t like telling you things.”

“Rose, I’m sorry, but my Mom heard Trish and I talking.”

I was off to the bathroom to take my shower. Therese had waited to hear the water running and the shower door close. Unfortunately, I had only turned on the water and let the door close. I was still outside of the shower, looking for a towel and washcloth. I quickly tried to get the door open and scoot in when I heard the other door open. “Oops, sorry.” The shower door closed quickly behind me this time.

It was Angelina’s voice. She said, “I’m sorry, but I was sure it was my little sister. We often keep one another company if it’s the last of the night. Don’t worry, all that I saw looked like another girl. You need not be embarrassed.”

I froze for a moment and then began to shower myself as Angie appeared to be staying. Angie said, “I think it is sweet of you to have adjusted to being Dort. Truth is, I didn’t like you for a while after you hurt my sister. Tonight when I saw you two lighting the candles and I realized you’re sincerely sorry you hurt her.”

“What made you decide to stay as Rose over the Christmas holiday?” Angie is close to my sisters Sonja and Sierra. I suspected she knew the answers to the questions she was asking from my sisters.

I noticed my underarms needed to be shaved, so I used a razor that was there. Angie spoke, “I can’t really see you. But with your arm like that, I’m guessing you’re shaving your armpits. It’s kind of funny thinking of a boy shaving there.”

I said, “Well, I am going to continue as Rose at least until the 27, and if I decide to go with the cheer team to the girls’ basketball tournament at Cherry Hill. It will be even longer. Actually…”

I hear the door squeak open, I’m hoping Angie is leaving. But it’s Therese, “Angie, what are you doing in here. That has to be embarrassing for Rose.”

Angie said, “No, it’s just like if you were in there.”

Therese said, “But it’s not me. You need to get out of here.”

“You’re not embarrassed are you Rose?” What was I supposed to say? “See that Sis, she’s not embarrassed. I bet with all sisters, she’s used to that.”

The door is a little more open and Therese asks me, “Are you comfortable with her being in here?”

I lied, “It is good to have someone to talk to. I needed to unwind after a long day.”

“Well Sis,” Therese said, “We still need to get out. She needs to get out and dry herself off and get ready for bed.” I sighed in relief as they leave the bathroom.

I’m drying myself when the door opens a crack and its Therese’s hand laying a robe on a counter. “Sorry to bother you, but I thought you’d need this. When you’re ready to come out we can help you with your hair. Sonja text me, saying you might need some help.”

I like how I look with my breast forms on under the pajamas and robe. I was surprised when I went to Therese’s room. Mrs. Jeters took the brush and started to brush out my hair and there us four women were there talking. She said, “I’m surprised that I don’t see more of a boy responding to being around girls.”

I said, “I have my moments, but being dressed as I am, I’m less likely too.” I told them, “It took me a few weeks to get into girl mode like this. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always seen Therese as special but out of my reach. This is kind of special to be seen as a close friend. Unfortunately, it doesn’t help much me much being seen as a girl.”

Therese heard only the last of our conversation. “I better take over brushing your hair. Mom, aren’t you impress on how well, he’s taken care of his hair?”

Angie pipes in and says, “And his legs, complexion and wearing the lace hairpiece made him one adorable chick.”

I giggled, “Gee, you make a boy feel like he’s one of the girls. Being here makes this Christmas like a fantasy wonderland. The snow has changed the outside into a wonderland. I feel like this has turned out to be like a princess wish for me.” Oops, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.

Angie asked, “Did you ever want to be a princess before?”

“Truthfully, being in a house full of girls, my Dad dotted on my sisters. I’m sure he might have been disappointed I was small and not very manly.” My voice just tapered off.

Angie reiterated, “So did you ever want to be a princess?”

I said, “I’d be afraid you’d laugh at me.”

Angie said, “Sonja told about a little black skirt that she said got hung up in your closet. She said it somehow got worn and put into the laundry before she got it again.” I was afraid, I turned red as I heard her tell the story.

Once we were all in our night clothes, Mrs. Jeters asked, “Would you three help to put the Christmas gifts under the tree. With each of us carrying a maximum of three gifts, it took three times before they were out under the tree. I had carried a larger gift for Angie and another one for their brother Nick. And yes, his name came from being born near Christmas, Nicolaus. I giggled upon hearing that and his birthday being the 26th.

Mrs. Jeters woke me up before seven saying, “Your Mom will be over a 7:15 a.m. to pick you up and to get you home.” I kind of threw some clothes on and ran the brush through my hair; I’ve seen my sisters do that. Mrs. Jeters said, before you can go home you have a gift from Therese to open first.”

It was exquisitely wrapped; it was a small soft gift that Mrs. Jeters insinuated was too personal coming from Therese. That aroused my interest all the more as I carefully took off the ribbon and bow, and edged my fingernails underneath the tape. If it was special I wanted to treasure it. I truly was surprised as I pulled back the wrapping, Therese was there and called it a bra sandwich: it had two lacy boy-panties on top with a pretty peach bra in the middle and two more panties folded underneath.

When my Mom came, I asked her upon her coming in, “Did you bring my gift for Therese?” With the answer, I ran out to the car to fetch it. By the time I got back in Therese had shown my mom her gift to me.

My Mom told Mrs. Jeters, “Don’t be embarrassed. While it is personal it means the giver thinks the other girl is special. Rose’s sisters might be jealous as I see they’re brands my children don’t usually get to wear.” She turns to me and asks, “Did you realize how special there are? I suspect even you will notice the difference.”

Once we were home I was sent to my shower and freshen up. I started to say I already had one late last night. But I stopped from saying it. It seems there’s a different standard for girls and for now that included me. Shannon came into the bathroom as I showered. “Did you like going to the midnight mass with Therese? Mom said you got a nice gift that you’re supposed to wear today, what is it?”

“I’ll wear the gifts but you won’t be seeing it.”

My Sister said, “All she bought you is panties, they must be special.” When I didn’t say anything, Shannon said, “There must be more to it. Did she get you a nice bra as well, what color is it?”

I relented and gave in to her persistence, “Yes, she got me a peach color bra and four pairs of boys panties. Why are the called boy panties anyway?” Shannon explained to me the term boy panties, and in return I let her see the bra and panties before I put them on.

Mom was right, Shannon said, “Why you, you can’t even feel how nice those cups feel.” She tells me, “Put on one of your new panties and tell me you notice the difference with them?”

I would have said, I felt the difference even if I didn’t, but lacy peach panty felt like it was hugging me. “You’re wrong about the panty, it’s softer and feels like its hugging my buns. I think it will hold me better throughout the day.”

I forgot that I was in Shannon’s room as I put them on. It didn’t register that she was watching me. I was pulling up my skirt as Shannon’s hand felt across my buns. She said, “You should put on a half-slip, our cousins will be here this afternoon if not sooner. And I know Lexi will love having time with you.

We needed to hurry down to breakfast as opening gifts don’t start until breakfast is over. We could already smell the soups cooking as we sat down to breakfast.

Dad commented, “I heard, you were a little spoiled with a gift you already received.”

“Dad, I don’t want to be teased about that. You could easily afford to spoil your daughters now and then. And that doesn’t include me. If I’m spoiled, I thought you would have seen it as how nicely my sisters treat me.”

Mom said to both of us, “I want that to stop. It has been a good Christmas so far. Rose, you especially should be looking to enjoy this Christmas.” My Dad picked up a glass of orange juice toasting a beautiful and love filled Christmas.

Dad caught me alone and apologized to me of sorts. “I am sorry for neglecting you. It’s not in my nature to admit to mistakes I may have made some that hurt you. And I apologize for tending to point out your flaws. I have and will continue to work at that. But I can’t erase past mistakes.”

I was angry about the way my father was saying, but I didn’t want an argument on Christmas. Part of me figured, it was better than nothing and that it was all I was going to get. I am seeking to be with my sisters more. I didn’t understand why mom accepted his behavior. Sierra had complimented me for what she called, ‘not enabling such behavior. But she didn’t know how to respond to dad either.’

She, like Shannon, had upped their activity in being my big sisters. I joked with them that it took me becoming a little sister. I felt bad as they quickly apologized. I just as quick apologized as it wasn’t meant to be taken seriously.

Sierra hugged me, “We felt bad. We heard you complain before, but thought it was somehow different for a boy. That boys weren’t hurt emotionally.”

I didn’t hear her crying until I felt my shoulder get wet from her tears. I had the warm feeling as I hugged her that we had connected in a new way. When she thanked me, I knew it had been important. In truth, Sierra and Shannon had been supportive. I don’t blame Sonja for having become Daddy’s little girl. But I was feeling better about being better understood and connecting with my sisters.

Opening the gifts this Christmas had a new joy for me. I was glad, like Robert, I got a new sports coat. It was not the drab suit that I expected to receive. My Rose gifts just tickled my fancy. Sierra had gotten me a monogrammed hairbrush like my sister got when they were twelve. ‘RJA’, Shannon said it was made from brushed stainless steel and would be a keepsake if I wanted.

Sonja had bought me a very attractive sweater. Mom had gotten me an overnight case suitable for Rose. Mom and Dad bought me a Cheer Team coat. It was a girls’ coat made with thinsulation. Mom and dad made it known, it would need to last me into my senior year.

No one understood, including me, when I ran to my room crying. I didn’t mean to do it as my cousins came into the house. Lexi didn’t know who she was following until she followed me into Shannon’s room and I flopped on the bed crying.

It was the first time that I realized, I liked being Rose and may not want to go back to being Robert, the boy/brother.

Lexi’s hand was sweeping over m back to console me. She was asking what happened and all I could say was, “You won’t understand.” I thought she might be confused by her hand going over the back of my bra.

Lexi was set on being helpful. She said, “You won’t know until you try me?”

When I began to sit up; Lexi was surprised as it was only then that she recognized me. I said, “Lexi, how are you going to know when I don’t know why?” I had run to the room carrying my new coat.

Lexi seeing the new coat with the name ‘Rose’ on it she asked. “Are you this serious about being a girl or is that what the tears are about?”

“How did you guess that,” I surprisingly asked?

Lexi giggled, “When you flopped down on the bed and your skirt flew up, I only saw a girl. I knew it wasn’t you, but something wasn’t right. Then we were sitting up, face to face, and holding both hands.

I heard Shannon at the doorway, calling back downstairs. “She’s okay, she and Lexi are talking.” Shannon remained at the doorway, waiting to see if she was welcomed or not. I held out one hand, indicating I wanted her too.

I looked at Lexi and saw the differences in her appearance that I would have missed before. Her hair had tints in it and was styled differently. She had lost some baby fat and there was new confidence I saw in her eyes. Her caring, soft-spoken nature was not new, except it was now being shown to me.

Lexi said, “Look at you, your legs and complexion has drastically changed.” Shannon and I both took notice how much my change appeared to someone who last saw me before Thanksgiving.

When Shannon called down earlier, we were supposedly coming down in five minutes. It was now an hour later and we were being called down because Grandmother and Grandfather Anderson were arriving. I was already fixing my face so it didn’t take long.

Grandfather Anderson was also a doctor, a very good one, but he and my father were fairly different. His arms were open wide when I got to the bottom step. He was wanting me to run for a hug, and I did like it was a normal thing that we did.

I’m guessing he’s in his early seventies, but he’s still spry. He said, “Wow, you’re another pretty granddaughter. Where’s Robert? I thought this was to be a humbling discipline. It looks like it’s becoming a transformation.” He asked, “Has my son learned to be more open and supportive of you?” I was fairly sure he knew I wouldn’t answer a loaded question like that.

He stuffed a check in my hand and said, “That’s just for you and no one else is to know about it for now. Your grandmother and I have talked and either way, you are going to need some extra money. Neither Robert or Rose is the same person you were in November.”

I gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, “Thank you and Grandma. You are right, Robert’s not the same either.” My Dad came to check on us and I scooted the check where it wouldn’t be seen by him.

Soon gifts for the larger family were given and dinner would soon be served. Jansen was the only one of us cousins who didn’t help in getting the dinner on the table. After dinner, each of us girls had to model out new clothes.

Now and then during the day, I would share texts with Anne, Therese, many others.

Story to be continued...

It was a double treat the day after Christmas, my Anderson grandparents were still here and Grandma Nobil came early. Cousin Nora stayed as well that we could go shopping together. I had planned to go shopping with Anne, Therese, and Trish Dunlavy but that would need to wait for the basketball trip to Cherry Hill.

While my sisters and cousin dressed comfortably in jeans, my grandparents were happy to see me in a new skirt outfit with leggings. And I had one gift card from Grandmother and Grandfather Anderson. Everyone loved my hair but agreed that it would take a while before I could change it. Come evening my sisters are planning on taking me out to dinner with them and their guy friends. But first, it is shopping.

We are first to Dillard’s an upscale department store where I need to take a skirt back. My grandparents had anticipated that I wore at least a size ten skirt. The one they got me was actually a size 10-12. I was going to keep it and just wear a tighter belt, but Sierra and Shannon said, no, that wouldn’t work.

It was very cold outside and Shannon said, “If you get a lined skirt you would feel and see the difference. I wouldn’t be surprised if you even chose to wear it tonight.”

There was no shortage of skirts to choose from, but even on sale, they were more than the twenty-five dollars that I would get back. Finally, Grandma Carol said, “Hurry and pick out three to choose from and we’ll go with the best buy.” I tried to discuss it with her, but she said, “Don’t argue, you will discover that it is worth the extra cost. Your sisters have at least two such skirts for you to choose from. If you don’t select one, I’ll be taking you home, and shopping for you will be done today.”

I quickly chose three I liked and tried them on. I, my sisters, and Cousin Nora agreed on two. When I was trying on the third skirt Grandma Anderson remarked, “You know Rose that you have just enough more to your bum than the average guy that you look kind of girly.” We decided to let Grandma Carol choose, and she chose to buy me the one I had on and one of the two that she liked better.

I jumped for joy and said, “Thanks Grandma,” as I gave her a big hug.

My Grandfather Geoff said, “I don’t mind buying the extra skirt. I am wondering if you have enough time to wear all the clothes you’re getting or do you intend to do this until the end of the school year?” I hadn’t worried about those things, but he inadvertently put an idea into my head.

“Grandfather, I have over two months to wear them. I’m wearing some of them to school now, so that’s not a problem.”

Grandmother asked, “What do you do about going to the toilet or fixing your hair and makeup during school?”

I respond, “I have to go use the bathroom at the nurse’s office. Though some girls have pushed or pulled me into the girls’ room. All I get is a small lecture or warning if someone tells on me.”

My Grandmother said, “You say ‘other girls’ like you’re one of them.”

“I know I’m not a girl, but I am usually with someone from the cheer or basketball teams and I feel like one of them. They’re coming to see me as part of their teams. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but it has gone from my punishment to something that has enhanced the team I enjoy being part of that. I never felt a part of something like this before.”

Sonja is there and pulls me in for a hug, “Grandma, it is enjoyable to see Rose out and about. She has become happier and takes part in more things. I thought I was going to be embarrassed, having my brother in a dress. Instead, I now have a younger sister. It is now harder on me when he dresses as Robert at home.”

We continued shopping and my sisters have found a good sale on leggings and long sweaters. I was just watching until Shannon came with a short red skirt and a sweater I had commented on. “Now all you need to do is find a pair of leggings to go with them.” She, my grandmothers, and I looked until we found three. Grandma Nobil actually found a short black skirt, saying, “Getting this will give you more options.”

It was like a smorgasbord in the changing room. I would try several combinations and go out in the best one with the red skirt and then another with the black skirt. I would have gotten the two outfits until Sonja spoke up.

Then Sonja had found a bright navy blue skirt that she said, I should have instead to wear to the basketball tournament. That led to purchasing a white blouse with a blue silk scarf. And instead of putting back either of the other outfits, I was adding a ton of girl clothes to my wardrobe.

I wasn’t complaining, but I was upset that Grandfather Anderson said it was proof I was becoming a girl.

When we got back to the house. I quickly changed into some of my boy clothes and took off my makeup. I combed my hair into a boy’s style and went back out to be with the family.

My father came over and standing next to me he gave me a hug. “I heard your Grandfather kind of teasing you. I hope you know you don’t need to prove anything.”

Anne and Trish had come over and were surprised to see me as Rob. Trish commented, “You know that your complexion is so much better and with the body your hair has. It is easy for me to still see Rose.”

Anne said, “Besides that not many boys have their nails painted.” Sure enough, I hadn’t thought to take the nail color off.

I was now starting a list in my mind of things I would need to change when going back to Rob.

My mother had several soups and the makings for sandwiches and salads for dinner. The older people were around the dining room table.

My sisters, stopped me from eating, reminding me I needed to change and get ready to go out with them. The old me would have complained about needing to change, but not Rose. Once I changed into my leggings and put on my skirt, I invited Anne and Trish back up to my room with Shannon. We were pressed for room around mirrors to do makeup. I gave up and allowed Anne to do my makeup for me. She and Trish went all the way, selecting earrings as well as the style of my hair. When I wanted to put on the long sweater that went with the outfit; they chose a long satin blouse and a long lace vest sweater to go over it. I agreed with them that it made a very attractive outfit. But such an outfit was usually worn by a girl when she was out to impress someone. I was going out with my sisters and their dates. I had no one I was trying to impress.

Adriana was the first to arrive to go out with Shannon. Grandma Nobil knew that Adriana and Shannon were an on again, off-again item. But our Anderson grandparents, I don’t think did. Soon Steve and Jacob were there which didn’t surprise me. Brad Thomas coming through the door with them did.

Quickly I turned to Sierra, “No one said anything about me going with someone.”

Her retort was, “And I noticed you weren’t asking.” Whispering she said, “You can nicely tell him to leave.” Sonja must have told them that Brad and I went out before.

I went over to Brad and stood with him whispering, “Please relax but please don’t say anything; my grandparents don’t know that we’ve dated.”

When Grandmother Carol saw him she did ask about him being there. Brad said, “There are times I go with Rose as an escort to kind of balance things off. Other times for the school to help make sure she is safe.” She seemed to be okay with that explanation. Somehow I felt that Grandma Nobil knew better but didn’t say anything.

We went out to dinner and then to ‘Way to Go’ where we could dance and have a good time. This time, I felt more comfortable dancing with Brad. Sierra had taken time to teach me to dance better as a girl. She had clowned with me saying it would help me enjoy my Christmas as a girl. She must have already known this time was coming.

It was near the time to go home Brad asked, “Would you go to the New Year’s Eve party at Holly’s? Thirty of us were invited and asked to bring a friend.”

I said, “I’d be glad to but I will need to ask permission. Are Holly’s parents going to be there? I’m sure my parents will need to know they’ll be there.”

Brad jokes, “Why it’s not like they have to worry about you having sex and you getting pregnant?” For once I didn’t find boy humor as funny and I let Brad know it.

Before we got home Shannon spoke to me, “Rose please refresh your lipstick and check your face.”

Brad gave me a kiss and said goodbye before I went into the house. I was surprised shortly after I got into the house; mom asked, “What were you up to that you redid your makeup?”

I calmly said, “Mom, I didn’t do anything, I thought I just knew a girl touched up her makeup during the course of the evening. It upsets me that you thought you needed to ask.”

My mother smiled, “It was just unlike you to be gone several hours and not to be a little unraveled.”

Shannon spoke up, “Mother, Rose isn’t quite like Robert. I would have thought you noticed that.” She turned to me, “I am proud that you spoke up for yourself Rose. That isn’t like Robert either.”

The following day I needed to pack for the basketball tournament as we’d be staying overnight, one to three nights. If we made it to the championship game; we could be staying an extra night since the game could last until ten o’clock or after.

It was expected by the so-called experts we would lose our first game against Trenton’s Kennedy High School; presently ranking first in the tournament and second in the state. Our team thought they could surprise and beat anybody the way they were playing.

Today we were all going to have family pictures taken for Grandmother Nobil. I thought I’d be asked to dress as Robert, but the photographer knew about me and said she could impose a picture of Robert from the fall to make a second family picture if needed. It was back to the salon in the morning before the pictures. We went to two salons and Grandma came with Shannon and me.

I was sitting to have my hair done when my phone let me know I had a call from the USS Cook, Debra Triens was calling. “Hi Rose, we hadn’t heard from you and wondering if you got the gift we sent before we left port. We were taken with all your help.

“Our order to ship out has sent us back to the Med… O that’s for the Mediterranean and our port there. We do have an assignment… That’s a no can tell. I hope you will keep us updated on your tournament. We expect your team to have a good shot at an upset in your first game. We want the Spirit team to excite not only your own fans but suggest you get other fans to root for your team as well… Lieutenant Fields said, ‘If you won over other fans with you and your team got off to a hot start, it could shake their home-court advantage.”

She changed the subject “Enough of that, how are you doing? It sounds like you are at a public place what’s up?”

“Deb, I’m at a salon getting ready for a family picture.” I tell Megan, “You’re supposed to say hi to some of my friends on the USS Cook it’s on its way to cruise in the Mediterranean Sea.”

Megan tries to speak while I hold the phone but Deb wanted to say hi directly to her. Megan tells her that I am even more beautiful than before. She explains what she’s planning to do differently.

Megan later said to me, “I didn’t know you were the one who did all the work to connect your team with the ship. That was very impressive of you.” We talk a lot more this time. Megan said, “How have you liked your Christmas as a girl? Did you get any gifts that Rose can use the next two months?”

“Megan, I have trouble believing how many people have been nice to me. Needless to say, I’ve gotten my share of being hassled, but it’s how nice others like you have been to me. …Since they’re mostly other girls or women I wonder if that’s the reason. I usually experience the world from a guy’s viewpoint.”

Megan said, “I had four brothers growing up. When I was a teenager I stayed over longer with my friends. There were plenty of times I couldn’t stand the things they said and how mean they could be.”

Soon my hair was done and Megan did my makeup as Drea did my nails. She was halfway done my second hand when I saw that she had put on some decorations. They were a ship silhouette coming head-on.

Megan said, “Your sister received the decals and now they’ll be set on there by using some setting lamps. That is what Ensign Deb called about. She needed to make sure I received them and we're putting them on.”

I noticed Grandma was done and watching me. She asked, “Dose Rose look any different than the first time you had her as a customer?”

Megan replied, “This is actually the third time I’ve seen your granddaughter. She has been prettier each time. The biggest change has been how much she changed as a girl. Now her complexion, hair, and the demeanor of how Rose carries herself is so much more like a natural girl.”

“She would have been uncomfortable with a short skirt like that before. She was always pulling the hem down. She told me before she was going to get to enjoy the holiday as a girl. If she hadn’t told me, I would be worried that someone had set out to change Robert into a girl.”

We were soon done there and to the photographer’s studio. Several pictures were taken there with Grandma and then another picture at a city park which looked like a winter wonderland. There had been a fresh coat of snow on the pine trees and ground.

Then I got another call, this one from Ann; it was to remind me that the cheer team was to see the basketball team’s bus off at 3:30. I had forgotten and it would cause me to rush. Shannon hurried me home, and I quickly set to change over to Dort. I put on my good satin blouse and had put on my short blue skirt. I knew another one was there but didn’t have time to search for it.

We went quickly over to the school. Shannon joined the crowd to see them off and I was with the cheer team. We gave the team members hugs and two packets of goodies, one from us and another from area businesses and boosters. There were more businesses and boosters supporting the girls’ team.

My behind got cold when we were out around the bus.

Anne came over to me, “I bet that is the last time you forget leggings or tights on an occasion like this.” It was a minute before the Coach spoke and they were to be on their way. I took the team flag and began running and waving the flag as I ran around the bus two times. By that time the fans were again excited and cheering loudly.

Basketball Coach Cathy Daly took over and spoke to the crowd. “We’re happy to see all of you here and hope to see as many as possible at the Cherry Hill Coliseum tomorrow night and two nights after that for the championship game. We believe we’re going to upset our host. They might have thought they got an easy first game draw. But we see it as a prelude for the state playoffs at the end of February.”

“The past few weeks you’ve become the best fans in the state. We thank those who helped us to get the attention of the sports media. Now we need to earn the respect of them and the state.”

She said, “I’m not sure who was carrying the School flag and getting you all excited. It didn’t quite look like Dort.” I was standing right next to the school bus and I know Coach Daley had looked right at me. I did a kick and then shouted as I pumped my fist in the air. She said, “It is nice to have that kind of spirit behind us now!” With that, she stepped back. The team waved from the windows and Coach was on board with the door closing.

I was up before 5 o’clock in the morning. I swore at the breakfast table, “I can wait until this getting up early to be ready as a girl is over!” Shannon, who woke up and got ready with me, just giggled that she would wait and see. Shannon was good for me. She would speak up sometimes, but mostly listened and helped me.

We were to be at the bus by 6:00 which we were. But it took a half-hour more before we were on the road. I didn’t realize until Shannon got on the bus, that she was the person I was to share a room with. She had been on the first team Coach Daley coached at our school. With the only compensation being, expenses for the trip, Shannon was now a volunteer coach. It was necessary that I had an acceptable chaperone.

Though we weren’t technically supposed to do it on the bus, Sharon and Sandra drilled me in doing some of the cheers. I mentioned to them the idea of bringing other fans on board in rooting for us against Chargers of Cherry Hill. They like the idea but none of us knew for sure how many if any would respond.

I tried connecting with our friends aboard the USS Cook. This time it was Lieutenant Fields who took our call. She said, “I am just about to pull night duty, so let’s be quick. We are in the Med heading toward our Spanish port. It is good to hear from you, but we didn’t think your game wasn’t for another 12 hours at 1900.”

Sharon answered, “You’re right, we are on the spirit bus. We had to be up and out early this morning. We have brought your ship colors along with our school flag on the trip. Dort is due to wear her modified uniform tonight and for the championship game if we get that far.”

“Ouch!” I guess I had gotten lax and someone shot an elastic band hitting me on a bare leg near my panty. Audrene, another cheerleader, said, “You are on notice for leaving your soft area exposed.”

Someone else joked, “That’s what happens when Brad is not around to protect her.”

Anne joked, “And who’s going to stop Brad, he’s been getting closer?”

Story to be continued...

We were halfway there when I had to move forward and face the front as the girls on the Cheer squad began changing into their outfits. Jana our bus driver would let the girls know when we were going to be passed by a semi-tractor or another vehicle where others might look in.

When they were finished changing, Anne came to get me to come back. Sharon Moore called me to visit with her. “Rose, when Mary zapped you with that little zinger. She noticed you weren’t wearing your protective cheer panty. I would you to begin limbering up and stretching well. Sandra talked Coach House to let us do a trio of running jumps with somersaults, flips, and cartwheels. Each of us is to do one of each if we’re ready or an extra cartwheel if not. Do you think you can handle that? Sandra would go first, me second and you third.

“That’s fine but where am I to change my panty?”

Sharon said with an extra big smile. “You can do it out here as we did. Shannon told me you have your natural-looking gaff on so you’d look like any other girl. Besides we have no interest in looking?”

I said, “I want the back corner seat for optimum privacy.” I was a little upset that I had become so familiar and like one of them that no one worried about me. My sister Shannon did come back to be with me. Between the high backs of two seats and Shannon standing there, I had some privacy.

We were soon minutes away from the Colosseum and we were going through the cheers to get our voices warmed up.

Each team would play one game today, two tomorrow, and the consolation and championship games beginning in the afternoon Saturday. Our game was originally set for noon but had been moved to be one of the prime-time games this evening. There was set in our place of the noon game a showcase of the cheer teams. Each team was to do a set of three cheers.

We got there at 10 o’clock and had warm-ups in the gym a little after 11:00. Coach Alexis House huddled us together. She picked the three cheers. The third would be a combination of the cheer team cheering and introducing our nine basketball players. One for each time Sandra, Sharon, or I would do our running jumps. We would begin with the reserve players for once and build to the starting players.

I was glad we were doing it now rather than a month ago. My strength and stamina were a lot better with over a month of practices and games behind us.

We had a moment to get a drink and greet people before we needed to be back. I was kind of relaxing when I heard Therese call my name. “Dort, you have some fans who would like to meet you!”

I was walking toward her, it first looked like a group of junior high girls with their moms. Once I was closer, it was easier to tell two of the four were boys dressed as girls.
Hadley introduced herself, “I’m a seventh grader and I want to thank you for making it easier for us to come out. We are in a support group that covers a larger district of area schools.”

I was going to start by saying, I wasn’t transgendered but was sensitive to the fact it might sound like discounting or not wanting to be associated with them. Tina asked, “Have others told you, you’re a role model?” Truthfully, I hadn’t even thought of that possibility.

With a closer look, I surmised they were all either transgender girls or crossdressers. I smiled and quickly said, “I guess we’re all at different places on this continuum. I would be willing to meet you later but right now I need to get back to my cheer team. I tried to give high-fives, but they were geared to give hugs.

Several cheer teams wanted to hurry and be done with this part. But the crowd was murmuring, wanting to see better performances. The Plainfield cheerleaders were up for the challenge and put on a nice show; leaving the remaining audience wanting more. Each cheer team after that were wanting to give a good showing of their group. And by the time we were ready to perform; there were only two teams after us. My voice blared out a cadence as we made our way onto the court. There were positive negative comments made aloud about me. I didn’t respond one way or another which seemed to gain the respect of most people. I yelled again. “Destroyers be ready to do the sailors of the USS Cook and our Destroyers proud. Sandra and Sharon began with the others right with them. They were loud, in sync, and got the precision of the first cheer was nailed excellently. I handed off my flags to Jayne, slipped off my navy jacket, and joined the cheer team. The second cheer began to win over more of the crowd.

Our basketball team joined is for the last cheer of introducing them. We rarely had the players step forward as today, but it was a good touch. Sandra and I were at one end with Sandra starting. When Sandra started running the crowd had little expectation. But after her tumble, she finished with a high forward flip. We each did the first round like that as the introductions continued and Trish Dunlavy was our traditional sixth player in was next. This time Sandra started with a cartwheel and two forward flips. Sharon and I followed. The cheering and the jumps were happening in rapid succession. We were now introducing the last three starters with only one being a senior. On my last jump, Coach Alexis asked for me to do a cartwheel, two backward flips, and if possible to end with a split.

I had worked on this and while it was possible, it was always possible. The second backward flip in the air was often disorienting as my body was nearing fatigue. Anne is leading the cheer on this one. I had kept my breathing as desired and set out running. The cartwheel was routine, and once I started the first backward flip I was excited. The jump was high enough to complete the flip and to land in a good position to begin the last flip. The backward jump was high and the crowd was excitedly cheering. But my focus had me listening only to our cheer. The landing was good and as I moved to the split, I could feel my legs and groin stretch. Any pain was covered by my elation.

Coach House was quickly over, as were my teammates. Alexis helped to pull me up and give me a huge hug. “You know Rose, you are better than most male gymnasts. I am proud of you and the whole school should be proud as well.”

Trisha’s mom, Mrs. Caroline Dunlavy quickly told me, “I videoed it with my smartphone. I’ve already sent it to your Mom. If someone could give me one of the sailors’ emails or phone I could forward it to them.”

I said. “They’ve seen me do something like it before.”

Anne said, “They haven’t seen you or the others do all that.” Anne asked. “Mrs. Dunlavy did you get the whole routine including Sharon and Sandra. If so I will give you that information.” When the last group’s routine was done those there loudly applauded.

Most of the cheerleaders went and greeted one another. Some of us sat down on the floor and visited. I smiled as the girl sitting across from me looked for signs of Robert until she saw I knew what she was doing.

Later she came up and apologized to me. “I am truly sorry and ashamed of my behavior, but there is little showing that you’re anything but a boy.”

I said, “That’s a sad commentary on me, isn’t it?” Sheryl introduced herself and said, “Absolutely not, I could think numerous a girl wouldn’t think so.” She blushed, “I’m sorry you might not want to hear that.”

Anne was there and said, “I’m not saying you’re wrong but I would like to know how you think some girls see Dort?”

Sheryl said, “Let me see, and where should I start? I heard you call Dort Rose. I think Rose would be a nice date to go shopping and to visit. I bet she/he is more tender and understanding than other guys. I think a girl could go out with him as a guy or another girl and be comfortable with him.”

“I’m from the Brunswick area, I wouldn’t mind sharing phone and email information with you, Rose. That is if the cheerleaders wouldn’t get angry with you.”

“I’ll think about it. We can look for each other later.”

We had time to check into the hotel, freshen up, and make a change of cheer clothes. Therese called me and said, “Hey, I’m back at the basketball tournament and your fans are back, saying you agreed to meet with them.”

“Give me ten minutes and I’ll be over.”

I saw Coach Alexis House as I went over. She said, “I hear you have a unique group of fans who have come to see you. Please make sure you do not embarrass them by being disrespectful.” While I wasn’t sure what I would say; I assured her I would be respectful.

I was looking around for Therese when now seven would be girls rushed up to me. One of them, Dawn, bemoaned the fact that he had a very deep voice. “I said, we have the problem like any other girl in living up to an image of what we think we should be. I think there are things you can do, but after all, is said and done you need to be happy being you.”

“I didn’t intend to be dressed as a girl and on our cheer squad. But I decided I needed to do something not to embarrass me or others. I’ve focused on those who are nice to me, and I asked girls to help me. I was surprised when I was able to pass as a girl.”

Hadley asked, “Could you eat with us and be our friend?”

I recognized Hadley from earlier and I asked, “Which of you women is her, mother?” A woman stepped and introduced herself as Janene. “Can I please talk with Janene and Hadley and in doing so, I hope to answer many of your questions. I have some time now to talk, but for the rest of the tournament, I can’t promise anything. I’m subject to my coach’s requests and being here for the basketball team.”

“Hadley and Janene, I am asking so not to presume. Hadley, do you see yourself as a girl in a boy’s body, or do you like dressing up in girls’ clothes,” I asked?

Hadley said, “I’ve been trying to dress as a girl at least since I was six, so I guess that makes me a transgender girl.”

I asked, “Mom how do you see Hadley?”

“We tried to have him do all the boy stuff. We kind of forced some of it thinking he needed to learn and play with other boys. He was nine almost ten when he got in an argument with us. He was helping to fold my laundry items and I thought he was too friendly with some items. We were punishing him, but he stood his ground and ‘insisted he wasn’t changing…’”

…I said, “It sounds like it was a process, with some difficult times. I think that is why it’s wise you folks are together. I’ve heard from people my grandparents’ age where they said it was rougher for them. We’re not living then. It is enough of a challenge now and it is your life that you need to focus on.”

One woman said, “I try to be supportive, but I still feel guilty like it's wrong and we’re making a mistake.”

I said, “I’m not a counselor, nor do we have the time to work through it if we could. But I’d said if you need to, be around your supportive friends more. People in both groups can be very adamant about their views and that can be hard on her and your family both. I hope your parents have a support group as well.” Looking around, I realized the parents didn’t.

We were ready to go our different ways when a woman in her twenties came over waving her hand. “Good, I see they found you I’m Tanya the county coordinator.” I did greet her and dared to speak up about them not having a group with parents and other supportive friends. Tanya said, “They tried that five, maybe seven years ago and adults didn’t want it.”

I said, “From what I gathered, the atmosphere has changed in just the last two to three years. Adults, as well as the young people, might we interested. This could be your core group if they’d be willing… I’m sorry but I really need to go now.

=^_^=~

The afternoon had the higher rated team winning their game, which didn’t bode well for our team. It looked like the Championship Bracket and the Consolation Bracket was going to be big schools for the championship bracket and smaller schooler to be in the second tier.

The crowd for our game was immense with a lot of local fans. We had a good crowd of our fans but they were probably half the size of the hometown team. It was just before the game when the cheer team took to the floor that we found out there we were others who were cheering for our team as well.

Rosemary, though slightly shorter outjumped their center and the ball was ours. Kaylea wasted no time in sinking a three-point basket. The team’s full-court press surprised everyone including us and our fans. However, it caused a turnover and we were soon leading by five. Our team jumped to an early 12-4 lead as the Cherry Hill team became frustrated.

Early in the game, I experienced taunting by some of the opposing fans. While I wasn’t surprised or disheartened by that. Some of the crowd were upset that Cherry Hill fans didn’t object to such behavior.

It was at the end of the first quarter that Naval Officer Megan Hart came down to stand with me. She was a recruiter for this area. She was known by many from the schools in this area. Though she was there for only five minutes, she affected the crowd and hecklers.

Our basketball coach, Coach Daley went back to the full-court play in the closing minutes of the first half and our team extended its largest lead from 37-25 to 43-27 as the half ended. I was incorporated into our last cheer of the half. I did nothing special but it freed team captain Sandra to showcase her abilities. I was amazed because I could have done the jumps but I didn’t have her grace and finesse. How much I wanted at that moment to be a graceful girl.

I helped to lift Sandra in celebration when I got a surprise of my own. Sharon came up to me and along with Sandra, they said, “We see you were jealous. Are you willing to do more to become one of us?”

I didn’t know what they meant, but I did say yes. During halftime, both Sandra and Sharon came with one pill each. “This won’t cause you to physically change, but they should help you to at least feel more like us. One of your sisters gave us this, saying she reported hers lost and got a new one.”

I took the two pills with my bottled tea, no questions asked. Sharon said, “Now when you jump, don’t worry about running so fast and hard. You’ll still have enough power but focus on your body twirling as you’re in flight. Don’t be afraid of the crowd seeing you as Dort.”

The Dort’s that follow you shouldn’t expect out butch you. If a guy steps forward to cheer for the boys’ teams that would be another matter.

I wasn’t anxious about being seen as a girl, but I understood the importance of what they were saying.

I went to get a drink and some chips to settle my stomach and I saw that Dawn had become separated from his/her group. She was now being teased by some young teen boys.

“If you want to pick on someone try me.” Dawn came and hugged me and was feeling safer. I saw an attractive girl and her friends from Trenton and asked her. “I need to get back to cheer, could you help my friend Dawn find her friends. I want her safe from the likes of these twerps.”

One of the young jocks said, “Who are you calling a twerp?”

Then one of the high school girls said, “I’m Tiffany, and I think you’re a ‘twerp’ and we can handle you if you cause trouble.” The guys backed off and Dawn went to Tiffany saying thanks.

Tiffany said to Dawn, “I have a friend who has a low voice like that. Since she’s relaxed about it, she has a lot more friends. We were talking that you’ve done well with your makeup and selection of clothes.” I kind of hated stepping away and going back to cheer.

Another girl followed me back to the court. “We’re happy to see Cherry Hill being humbled, but they’re nice too.”

It was a good reminder if our girls held onto the lead, we’d not want to go overboard in being hard on them. I was still very much the old Robert deep down inside. I was glad when Sandra reminded the cheer team. “Remember we’re the advocates for good sportsmanship. Do your cheers well, but not butt swaggering.”

I giggled to myself and ‘made a note to watch if girls ever did that.’ Their team worked their hardest to get back into the game.

Coach Daley rotated more of the team into the game to run the Chargers into exhaustion. They used their five starters all through the third period, trying to get back into the game. The progress they first made was lost as they became exhausted as the quarter ended. We went back to playing our best six as usual in the last period. We were leading 59-48 by that time.

We felt for their cheerleaders and basketball players as their fans led by some parents became nasty in how they were yelling at their own team and coach.

We ended up winning 79 to 65. We were more than a little upset when the media didn’t focus on how good our team was. Despite playing the late game we were still scheduled to play a 10:00 a.m. game.

Shannon came and found me and insisted I didn’t stay up late but get ready for bed. She wasn’t upset when Anne and Therese showed up to talk. I hid my new pills from Shannon. I was fairly sure, she wasn’t the one who gave them to me.

Anne commented on how I had mellowed out and was acting more as a team member. I said, “I thought I was cheering as hard as ever. I was just trying to play Dort’s role.”

Shannon said, “I think that’s what they’re saying. Whether it is Dort or Rose; you’re not trying so hard to be Rob. It is like the new cheer team with you is coming together. That’s a good thing.”

I said, “But it isn’t what my ego wants to hear!” I was also upset because Anne and Therese were there and I didn’t feel that excited by seeing them.

We kicked them out of our room at 11:30 and I had a short visit with my sister before falling to sleep. I felt her hand brush my hair soon after I closed my eyes.

I thought to myself, ‘Would I rather have this?”

To be continued…

Rose woke up in the morning early; Robert wanted to sleep longer, but Rose won out. She hoped if Sandra was ready early that she could show Rose how to become more like her. I was up showered, had on my gaff and was preparing my makeup when Shannon kicked me out of the bathroom. I welcomed the excuse to raid some of Shannon’s makeup; chiefly the nail polish which was better quality. I had three fingers done as Shannon too had showered.

I finished my fingernails as there was a knock on the door and Coach Alexis House wanted to talk with me. Once Alexis was in the room, she wanted to talk as I was to limit Rose to being Dort with only one cheer per half. It was obvious that Coach was asked to limit my active participation.

She stated some people were concerned with Dort appearing to play on her being transgender. I finally asked straight out: “Is this because I visited with the younger ones dressed as girls. We only talked a few short times. Neither they nor I flaunted ourselves in any way.”

Coach Alexis said, “They’re concerned about some saying you misbehaved. They were more concerned about the boys who were getting worked up and maybe getting themselves in deep trouble. People say they’re generally nice boys and it would be a mark on them and their families.”

“Coach!” I reached a low scream, “What you’re saying, is that all the talk about bullies is just that! I suspect the good families are well to do and influential. That’s just not fair.”

Coach half-apologizes, “I’m sorry, but others are citing your discipline to indicate that it is you who are known to have problems. …I think it’s unfair, but I don’t want you cited for anything. Especially since we’re away from our home area.”

I asked, “Can you cite anything that I did was wrong? I will try not to do those things.”

She said, “I guess it was some of the gymnastic moves and the final thing of you doing a split. That was said to be unmanly. I know it was I who asked you to do it, and I’m sorry it has caused you some trouble.”

Something moved me and I gave Coach House a hug, “Don’t be sorry for me. I didn’t really care about others until I came on the Spirit Team. You nor I have done anything wrong. I was thankful when that Navy recruiter spoke up. They respected her and knew that the boys were wrong. …I’ll try not to get in trouble, I’m not going to stop doing the right thing. I hope you won’t ask me to.”

Alexi smiled, “Good, you continue to do that. You as Dort has made us proud to have you on our team. Remember we’re here for the basketball team.”

It was good to get together at the basketball tournament. We went around hugging each of the basketball players. We had a gift sack for each of them, which surprised them. It wasn’t like I’d put together as a guy, filled with treats. There were nice perfumes, hand creams, simple mints even different books they could read to pass time and pass onto another player if they got done.

Trisha asked, “I’m stiff could you give me a back rub?” Sure enough her muscles were tight and knotted and we had a good fifteen minutes before she had to go and change.

I was able to rub her shoulders and back getting the knots out and to work the muscles to relax. Someone passed behind me and snapped my bra strap. That caused me to think, that used to be me. I hadn’t known how to relate to people, so I did goofy things like that.

It felt better to be one of the girls and to do something for Trisha as a friend just because I care about her.”

Sharon asked, “What’s with your smile?” Trisha had turned and looked at me; her facial expression kind of asked the same thing.

I said, “I’ve learned to enjoy the simple things, like giving Trisha a rub down. It seems like I’m becoming another one of the cheer team.”

Sharon patted me up on the back, “You’re finally believing us, huh?”

Our team played a very competitive game and barely eked out a victory. The evening game to vie for the tournament championship. We would play against another northern Jersey team. It was not the highest rated team from northern Jersey, but it was seen as the best invited to this tournament. The Warren High team of girls were all seniors and juniors, tall where needed as well as quick and good ball handlers.

Our Cheer Team was back making new signs as well as making runs of energy drinks and bars as well as cases of water. I was also to learn that teams of girls often experience their periods synchronized close together. Many on the team had participated in different sports beginning in fifth grade. Trish handed me a list of things like tampons, shields, pads and more. I tried to say something, but Trish just said, “You can do it, please don’t make a big deal about it. Those needing them feel bad enough. You should be able to find everything you need across the street from the south entrance at Walgreens. Here is some money, I hope that covers it. You’ll look like just another girl getting what is needed.”

I was leaving the building, when my mother called over to me, “Rose, we’re here. We saw the first game. I thought you were good, but you didn’t do as much as I heard you did yesterday?

“I can explain Mom, but I need to run across the street to get some things for the other girls.” Mom took the sheet from my hand, it’s a Mom thing that no one has been able to stop.

She said, “They must really see you as one of the girls. They’d be embarrassed to ask most boys to get those things.” Dad asked, what and mom told him to never mind. She handed me some extra money in case I needed it.

The most embarrassing part was bringing it back into the tournament building and security deciding they needed to check it and ask questions. A male guard tried to make a joke and a woman security person stopped him. “You don’t want to go there.”

There was a buffet we could eat at a discounted price. It was for all the basketball players and cheer teams. It was an opportunity to bump into others from other schools. One girl, Debbie, came and asked me a question. She has a brother, she thought of as a sissy. “He gets into my makeup and clothes. It seems creepy to me, what can I do to stop him?”

Debbie’s a junior in high school at Paul’s in eighth grade. “My mother knows about what he does and she disciplines him, kind of. But it is not talked about at other times even though she knows he still does it.”

I said, “If your mother is not going to stop him. Maybe you can suggest that he gets some of his own clothes and makeup.” She agreed, he really was kind of strong for all the teasing he had to take. Most of the physical bullying had been stopped, but she still hears him cry when he’s alone.

I said, “I know it might not be easy for you, but you are his big sister. There comes a time you need to accept him and to speak up for him. Your high school counselor should be able to help him and you.”

When she was ready to leave, she asked, “If he’s here after your game, would it be okay for him to ask you some questions.”

I said, “It’s hard to promise anything after a game, win or lose, but I’d try. I don’t really think I’m a good person for him to talk with, but I wouldn’t turn him away because of that.”

Anne said after she left, “I’m sure you never saw yourself as a role model for kids like that, did you?”

Anne’s expression changed with my answer. “No, and until I got here. I was denying that I might be one of them.” Anne paused and wasn’t sure what to say so I asked, “I know you didn’t ask to be in this position either. But I hope you and I can talk about this more privately sometime.”

She gave me a hug, “Does it get hard for you? I thought you were handling this quite well and that it hadn’t phased you”

I confessed, “When I dressed this morning, I thought about those I saw yesterday. I wondered if I might meet some others today. And the more I am with you and the others; I’m feeling more like another girl. …After I stop dressing after the season is over, part of me would like, as Dort to meet the ship when it comes back. I’ve even told my sister, I might like to go to the Prom as Rose if Brad Thomas asked me.”

Anne said, “Do you think your sister would mind if I came to your room tonight?”

None of us ate much more than an energy bar or two before the game. We were more excited than worried. Coach House said, “We’re are going back to rotating all of you to do some of the cheers. Dort, I want to encourage you not to do any splits, but I also want you to do your best.”

The Warren team took our team seriously from the opening tip. For the first few minutes, both teams only managed to make one basket. Then it was a matter of better offense and tough defense by both teams. They were in the lead come halftime 26-25.

A boy named Paul came to say hello to me at halftime but we were staying in our group as cheerleaders. Paul said, at a distance, “My name is Paul and my sister said, I might be able to talk to you after the game. I just wanted you to know I am here. I’m sorry for bothering you.”

I could tell by his complexion and the way he carried himself, he wasn’t overtly effeminate but had taken very good care of his skin and hair. Coach House said, “Rose, please go tell him it was okay that he talked to you.”

I went to talk with Paul, I heard the beginning of Sharon saying something in support of me. I said to Paul, “Paul, I and my team want to make sure we don’t come off as rude to you. It is a difficult time to visit with you, and it may not be easier after the game. But as I told your sister, I will try my best.”

Paul said, “If we can’t talk, I just want you to know. My sister said you asked her to be supportive of me. She said it changed her thinking.” We hugged and said goodbye for then. Paul said, “You know you make a pretty girl too.” I thanked him and went back to my group.

The arena was not full for our game, but we had a lot of fans, including some from other schools. Warren High had a larger team and at least ten would play a part of the game trying to wear us out. Of our nine players, we usually played six. But tonight eight made it into the game. Come the last period of the game we were usually tied or leading by as much as three points.

The game was within one point when Adriana of the Warren Wolves chased a ball going out of bound that she tossed back and they made a score. Adriana had hit the seats in the stands and I knew she was hurt. I tried to help her and signal she was hurt, but she pushed me down and went running back on the court, where she fell again.

I joined the cheer team in our stance of going to one knee and bowed heads out of respect for a player being hurt. Anne told me, not to take it personally that she pushed me back and said something. A couple of their cheer team looked to us and we're glad we were respectful. We even corrected some fans who were rude. But we knew there was no talking to one another right now.

Adriana, I was told was their sixth player, and not as big of a loss as it could have been. Somehow an interference foul was called against me. The penalty shot was made and gave them a three-point lead.

Fortunately, Kaylea, Kristin, and Thyme Daley, the Coach’s daughter all made timely three-point shots down the stretch and we won by four points, 60-56. Adriana from the Warren Wolves called me over to the sidelines after the two teams greeted one another at the end of the game. She said, “I hope you understood, there was no way I was going to thank you during the game. I wished I had taken your help, as my injury might now be less than it is.”

She gave me a slip of paper with her phone number on, saying, “You know we don’t live that far from each other. I don’t like most boys, but you’re different.” I turned red, blushing over what she was implying. I said thanks and walked away.

Our team would celebrate an hour or two then it would be to prepare for the championship game.

I cheered and celebrated with our team, but then noticed, Paul, standing to the side. He had changed into a wraparound skirt, changed to a more feminine top. We sat on the bottom seats near the court and talked. Paul’s voice as a girl was fairly good, so I knew this was not new.

Paul’s girl name was Delphine, she was quick and short in telling part of her story. “I know you don’t have much time nor a reason to talk with me. But I felt a need to see if you would.”

“Delphine, it’s me who needs to apologize for giving you that feeling,” I said. “I’ve been denying how much I’m like you. From the little I know, you truly seem to be a girl inside and out. I hope your sister, Debbie is it? That she follows through and is supportive of you?”

We talked and Delphine said. “Thanks, I’m more hopeful having talked to you. I’m less likely to consider suicide?”

I was surprised by what she said and quickly reacted saying, “Suicide! …You don’t really mean you’d consider it, did you?”

She said, “There was a high school boy, Scotty; who died. Some said he saw himself as a girl. When others joked that is was not much of a loss. I became depressed and thought about it. I tried not to think about it or dress like a girl, but I got worse, not better.” We hugged and talked until the court was ready for the next game.=^_^=
Back to the team, Coach House commented, “I saw you took time with her. Somethings she said seemed to speak to you. …Should we talk about ending what we’re doing?”

“That’s not needed, if you and Audrene Trullo are supportive of me that should be enough. Ms. Trullo has indicated that she knew I was experiencing more than I was admitting to. I don’t want to scare either of you, but you being supportive, means more than you know.”

Our Coach said, “I’ve spoken to the Principal. She too is supportive and doesn’t want us to be afraid of any accusations or threats by others. She said the School will back you 100%.”

Anne and Therese had come over and asked, “Aren’t you going to be part of the celebration? We hope you realize the victory means we have a lot of preparations to do tonight for tomorrow.”

My smartphone rang and it was Deb Triens from the USS Cook. It was 5:00 a.m. where they were. “We heard you won a crucial game. We’ll wire flowers in the morning your time to the basketball players. We hope you have the ship’s rope with you for good luck.”

Principal Amanda Evans was there and said, “We could get it here if someone was willing to go back with me to get it. You wouldn’t get much sleep.”

I spoke without thinking, “I could do it. It won’t take as much to bring it down.”

Shannon volunteered to go with us, as she suggested, I change to jeans for climbing the other rope. It was an hour before midnight when Principal Evans opened the school and turned on the lights to the gymnasium.

I shimmied up the rope and got the ship’s rope. I was tired enough that I had trouble lifting it off the hook that held it. Shannon and Dr. Evans convinced me to drop the huge rope down. When I got down, Dr. Evans apologized, “I think I was wrong in suggesting we do this.” The bigger problem was; we needed to leave her comfortable car and take a school van to fit all of us as well as the ship’s rope.

We stopped at an all-night diner to get something to eat. Two people recognized me and Principal Evans. “What has you two back here? We thought you’d be at the game.” I knew Riley and was embarrassed when he said how nice I filled out my designer jeans.

He and Harris paid for our meals, in support of the team. With the empty roads, we made good time and we're back to our hotel by 3:30 a.m.

We were only an hour behind Anne and others from the Cheer Team in getting to sleep. We had seen part of their work on the doors of the basketball team members. Come morning we would each wear one of the game jerseys for each player during the day. I once again had the stuff for Trisha. I slept well with the exception at 8:00 o’clock came way too quickly.

I don’t know why, but I’m having a girlish joy when the basketball players find their doors decorated. There are bags of goodies on their door handles. We made a few extra and they were needed as two bags were taken by others. I caught one boy trying to leave something more repulsive behind at one door. He was too big for me alone. Anne, my sister and Mary Errands were quickly there and instead of trying to fight his way past us, Brad instead gave up.

His sister played on the Hackenfield team, we were to play for the championship. Seemingly his sister, Hadley, was not a partner of what he did. We gave him the choice of staying with us until his parents came to get him or for us to request security to be responsible for him. He was supposedly in the school’s Honor Society.

It wasn’t until Ma and Pa Miller arrived that Mr. Miller made his son name the two other students in on the scheme. His parents were thankful that we were being constructive and asked them to handle it. While they did not want it to get out to the general public. They wanted Hadley to know and Marshal and Devon to accept responsibility as well.

Marshal had some bruises that showed; Mr. Miller informed us that Marshal came out of an abusive environment. Part of their punishment was Anne, Sharon and I gave up a pair of Bobbi-socks they had to wear all day. Their feet were too big and they would be uncomfortable wearing them. But they would be out of sight unless they paid attention to them. Shannon was fairly sure that would be impossible and she was right. Come 5:00 o’clock they each received a corsage they had to wear with their team colors on for the game.

Marshal said he was lucky that his parents weren’t there, and he introduced us to his younger sister Peggy. She too had signs of neglect, if not, abuse. Sharon gave Peggy a satin top, and by Peg’s warm smile we were sure she wasn’t used to getting good things.

Once the game was ready to get underway, Hackenfield seemed upset they were playing us. We had decided that Sandra, Sharon and I would do our running tumbles as each girl was introduced. I was ready to do my second jump, this one for Trisha, when one of their petite cheerleaders stepped in my path, trying to stop me. I did one cartwheel and then flipped over her. The crowd roared with applause. We did stop at that point as Coach House didn’t want to chance any accidents. But it had done the job of exciting our fans.

I had only put down the ship’s docking rope to do my jumps. You could hear many people ask what was special about it and our fans cheer about it being present.

This game was very different from yesterday as both teams played extremely well from the very beginning. Despite each playing good defensively, the score was 32-30 in our favor come half-time.

It was then, we were approached by the Naval Officer Megan Hart and a shore patrolman. There had been a report of a US naval ship and a Russian ship that intruded especially close to it. The only report was that the US ship had not backed down, even when two other Russian boats and air presence made itself known.

Officer Megan addressed our Coach, “Do you know what US ship is there? We need to know what other American ships are responding?”

Our Coach said, “They knew we won our games yesterday and would be playing for the championship today.”

Megan said, “We know they sent something to you, what was it? This could be a serious breach of information!”

Coach House smiled, “They wired flowers for flowers to be sent for our players. We’re like a mascot to their ship. The large docking rope we have was a gift from them earlier this month.”

“We’re sorry to trouble you, but we will check out your information.”

Come the beginning the second half, Coach House had a new cheer for us. I was to take the rope and throw it down on the floor. Sandra and Sharon picked up the rope and they began to stomp their feet, the rest of us moved around and in front of our fans. Yelling as we clapped in rhythm, “DON’T! BACK! DOWN!! It was repeated over and again as our fans stood and joined in the chant. Our team responded with a full-court press and began with a 9-3 run. Hackenfield never got closer than six points.

Kaylea made a steal and ran down the court but shied away at the basket at the last second. She then dribbled outside and shot a three-point basket that ‘swooshed, nothing but net’. That was with three minutes to go and gave us an eleven point lead, not to be threatened again. It was neat to see the basketball girls take charge of the ship’s docking rope and with it received their trophy.

There were four undefeated teams that began the tournament and the Destroyers were now the only undefeated team there.

My Dad, who had been a ship’s doctor, showed me some sympathy in his own way. “I hear you are justified to be anxious. Your ship might be the one in a precarious way. I’m suspecting it and a submarine directly below it, are chaperoning a supply ship to make sure it is not boarded and relieved of its cargo.”

I was near tears with what he said. My Dad stepped forward and hugged me, saying, “I respect what you’re doing. Usually, you didn’t care about others like that.”

“Thanks, Dad.” The media took a picture of us, but I was sure they didn’t understand. The sports media did come to know the reason for the rope and our tie with the USS Cook. Each time someone asked if we knew if our ship was safe? It hurt some more, especially since we didn’t know and couldn’t have said anything if we did. It was ten o’clock and we were on our way back home that Naval Officer Megan called the Coach. It would be over a week before we were likely to hear from the ship and it could be even longer. “They may never be free to tell you if they were the ship involved or one of the ships called to the eastern Mediterranean Sea.”

My saving grace was I had Shannon and my Cheer team with me. Shannon saw that I had a call from Adrianna from Warren. She asked, “Do you have someone asking you for a date?”

I said, “No, she’s loving up to me and wanting me to invite her. She said, ‘I’m the one who is the boy…”

It was cold outside when the Destroyer women were welcomed back at school the next day at noon. There were over a hundred students, teachers, parents, and friends. That might not sound like a lot but usually, there are only a few parents. The girls weren’t expecting this. We the Cheer Team were at the front of the bus and got off quickly to lead the cheers for the team. Everyone enjoyed the smiles and surprise of the players because they welcome home the team.

I was cheering and kicking up my legs with the other cheerleaders. We excited the crowd while making sure the attention went to the players and coaches. Kristin Hadley’s mom complimented me, “Dort you are doing such a great job and you’ve become another one of the girls. I know Kristin is thrilled by attention all of you have brought to the girls’ games. …Did you see today’s sports section? The girls’ tournament championship was on the first page. It talked about the Destroyers’ basketball team. It was six paragraphs in before there was any mention of it being the girls’ team. Do you have any idea, how unusual that is?”

“Yes, Mrs. Hadley. It was like you and others just mentioning me as part of the Cheer Team, but it has taken a long time for the women Destroyers to get such recognition.”

We were interrupted, Mr. and Mrs. Papas, of the Destroyers’ Den, had called Coach Daley and said the basketball team was invited to a party held in their honor. Pizza and some drinks were being served free.

People at church the next day were surprised when three of us girls asked for prayers for the USS Cook and other ships and sailors. We knew that Therese and others would each do it at their church worship service. It is not like we go to church all the time, but like with Twitter or Google, it was another place we could share.

My mother asked me to invite some friends over later in the afternoon. She also invited her friend Dr. Grace to meet with us. It seemed childish at first when she asked us to draw and name some sailors we knew. Aronia’s older brother was also there; Trevor knew a friend Skylar and others on an aircraft carrier. We were about through with Dr. Grace; when he finally admitted he too was scared for his friends. He was surprised when others hugged him like they knew what he was feeling. Trevor said, “I hope you won’t tell others that I almost cried.”

Aronia said, “Trevor, you said Skylar was scared too, you shouldn’t be embarrassed.”

Kristin Hadley, who likes Trevor said, “We won’t tell. But you’re our best linebacker Trevor; I don’t think there’s any question about your courage.”

Trevor to change the subject said, “Courage is a guy wearing a short skirt and skimpy panties.”

Dr. Grace said, “Please stop joking like that. I don’t want anyone breaking the mood for those concerned about what’s going on. Anyone done here can go upstairs. I’ll be staying around at least thirty minutes, and as long as needed.”

Trevor asked, “Anyone willing to be in a smaller group with me?” Kaylea, Kristin and Trisha moved over with him. Ann, Sharon, Brady, Aronia and I circled over in a corner. Brady said, “Dort, I’m impressed on how well you’re holding together through all this.”

“I’m staying busy or rolling in a ball with Shannon listening to me,” I confessed. Brad leaned against me, wrapping me in his arms. I didn’t want to appear weak any more than Trevor, but it felt good. I’d rather snuggle with anyone and not say much.

Something pinged on my phone and a message showed. There was a message, “We hear Little Dog moved forward not back. All packages safe. Congratulations!”

Dr. Grace came over to us as did others. She said, “That’s nice, they were allowed to break their silence to celebrate with you.” Dr. Grace winked at me; I was sure she knew it meant more.”

‘All packages safe’ seemed to be a message about their situation, not ours. There was a valuable supply ship they were escorting and if a guess of my Dad’s was possible, a submarine underneath them would be considered a third package.

I took some consolation from the message. There was no indication who sent the message; I didn’t know who could do that, but the government was one good possibility.

Many of the girls began to cry in relief as did I. I was upset with myself that I was not strong like Bradley was. I got up pouting and walking around. Shannon came into the room and seeing what I was doing came over and hugged me.

I got mean and tried to break free, but Shannon said. “You calm down and have a good cry if you need too.” I tried to resist her and break free. Mom came into the room as I was yelling.
She said, “You calm down young woman. It is nothing to be ashamed of whether it’s Robert or Rose.” Mom moved to hug me as Shannon was now hurting. I knew better than hurt my mother. I let go of her and grabbed Shannon again.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Now I began to cry in earnest. The Evening news confirmed the supply ship and escort had safely gotten through.

I did surprisingly well on my final exams; and found out my sisters usually got to shop for a new outfit as a reward. Once Anne found that out from Sonja. She got permission to take me as Rose to shop. I still liked watching the bowl games but was willing to miss a game to look for a warmer outfit.

I had wanted to get a pair of leggings and top for workouts. The various designs and how they looked on me filled a few hours of trying and eliminating different selections. I was able to get two workout outfits with the money my parents allotted.

Mom thought I did really well; while Dad saw it to mean Rose was more entrenched in my life.

We went back to school on January 3, I intended to go back to classes as Robert. That didn’t happen when I realized it was a game day and I was to wear Dort’s uniform.
I guess it was meant to be as there were several banners up by the School office.

Principal Evans had received a thank you from the Commander of the US Navy. Principal Evans called the two coaches and two members of the basketball team and another two from the cheer team as well as me. She said, “This is not officially about what has happened. The Navy and spouses are all thankful for the added support you have given. Aubrey, one of the spouses plans to come and thank you. Not only for what you mean to those aboard the USS Cook. I guess their talking to you has helped some of the men to become more caring toward their families.”

That day and those following began to move along faster. I wasn’t always Rose or Dort. It was mid-January when Sonja said I should wear a pad in my panties in sympathy with the other girls. Instead that day and the next I was back to being Robert with the exception of practice. The second day didn’t go so well when another boy decided he’d cut my hair.

I was upset that morning with something else that Sonja had said. But when Turk came at me with a pair of scissors, it was Sonja who happened to be there to first try and stop him.

It angered me enough when he threw her aside that I found the strength to grab his hand and twist it until he yelled. His fingers were caught in the scissors. I even heard one finger crack when I hit it against the wall.

I too was going to be disciplined because Turk had to go to the hospital. The Vice-Principal said I first should have reasoned with him. I wasn’t disciplined, because my parents were finally enraged that he was still trying to punish me in some way.

Principal Evans, however, was pleased as it would be another strike against the Vice-Principal. He was being allowed to finish his contract for this year, but he had not given the school board enough to fire him.

The following day was a game day so I wore my Spirit paraphernalia and was to school early to decorate the girls’ lockers. The women Destroyers were still undefeated and tonight on the Panthers’ court, it could be in jeopardy. We were over fourteen wins and the players were feeling the pressure of being really good, game after game.

I had lost another five pounds since the first of January. Dr. Kristyn Arnold agreed with me. I was merely losing weight because I was eating better and more like the others on the cheer team. “Robert has shown he can go back to being a boy and when he identifies more like one of the boys’ he will go back to eating like one.”

I was excused with the rest of the cheer team at 2:30 t0 go get a manicure and our fingernails all painted the same.

Audrey, my decorum coach came with little Marie. “Rose, I want you to know my support for you and to make sure you’re alright?” I was holding Marie in my arms when she said, “Robbie, I need to go to the toilet?” Anne was going to take her as Audrey was having her own nails done. But Marie was ready to cry, “No, I need Robbie to do it.” I had helped her at her house or at mine when they came to visit.

Needless to say, I got some ribbing for being selected over Anne. It also became known I had become a babysitter for Audrey and Marie.

Audrey was now another month and a half further along in her pregnancy and it was showing. Sharon said, “Rose that is another thing you don’t have to deal with along with the monthly visitor.”

Audrey heard the comment and responded, “That’s too bad because Rose would be an excellent mother. I have told her she could adopt.” Sharon looked at me and somehow she and the others knew enough not to tease further.

The Panthers had made this game 'fill the gym special'. It was so full, many of our fans were standing through most of the game. And well into the third quarter, it was truly a tough contest with the lead changing from one team to the other. We had just tied the game at 50-50 when our Coach had them change to a full-court press and each player covering her player tightly.

It resulted in two quick scores and several fouls being called on the Panthers. Trisha was fouled and it sent her rolling on the floor and hurt. She would have come out of the game, but a referee insisted she and not another player take her foul shots. Trisha was not a bad foul shooter but her percentage was 70% when she wasn’t hurt. Erin Se who was to take her place shot better than 90% in shoot fouls.

And though Trisha made her free throws, the other team took the ball out before she could be replaced. The result was Trisha played the remaining minutes of the third period and much of the fourth. The Destroyers had hung on for a 73-66 victory.

I was caught in the crowd trying to leave from the game and found myself being felt up by others in the crowd. Once I turned and was ready to hit a person, but there were a grandmother and her grandchildren. I turned back and saw three people walking away laughing as they would look back at us and smile.

The fact that it happened to other girls, wasn’t much or a consolation. Ann said, “If it’s any consolation it probably means those guys see you as a good looking girl.”

I said, “No, it just makes it creepier to have guys like that touch me.”

Ann asked, “Are you saying, you never did anything like that?”

It made me think, ‘I had allowed a wave push me into a good looking girl that I wanted to speak to.’ “I did it once when I was eleven and I was caught by my sisters. They punished me severely.” Ann saw my facial expression change as I said it. She grasped there was more to the story, but she didn’t ask me as others were close by.

On the way back to school when Anne mentioned the incident, several girls took to showing me pinch or slap marks they had. I was then pressed to show my marks if I had any. Lucky or not, one was turning black and blue and bruising I lifted just a small portion of my panty.

Come Ground Hog’s Day the girls had three more wins and were still undefeated. I had almost lost my cool at the last game. I went to visit Audrey Trullo, my personal coach. I went as Robert, or Robbie as Marie would call me. Audrey asked me to sit and saw that I was looking around. Are you looking for Marie, her father Nick took her out for a while so we could talk?

She says, “Rob, look at how you’re sitting. Even as Rob now our hands are in your lap and you’re sitting straight up. What has you so tense nowadays?”

“Mrs. Trullo, I’m getting wrapped up in the girls' basketball team and communicating with those on board of our ship. ...I guess Deb Triens had to stay on the radar when someone became sick. They’re not saying anything bad about her, but I think it was hard for her. And now she’s communicating with us and I feel pressure to come up with nice things to say. I’m worried about upsetting her, and I wouldn’t even know it.”

“One, call me coach or Audrey. I hear you are carrying a lot of responsibility with the team, and the ship and now Debra Triens. And that doesn’t include trying to be Dort or Rose a lot of the time.”

“What happened at the last game that made Coach House tell you to go cool off?”

I said, “The referees called some terrible fouls, we could have lost the game if someone didn’t speak up.”

She said, “So you think the refs heard you and changed how they were calling fouls?”

I said, “Yes, even Turk and his friend Jerry said so.” Audrey smiled when I gave my proof.

“Since when do you listen to Turk and not the girls on your team?” I bowed my head because I had already talked to Coach House and even Coach Daley of the basketball team had a talk with me.

Audrey smiled and said, “It gets to you being a nice girl now and then. Do your teammates ever get angry?”

“Now you’re being silly, you know girls get angry and upset. But I’m not like them yet?”

Audrey asked, “When or how long do you think it will take to become a girl like them.”

“You know, I’m never going to be a girl like them.”

Audrey said, “Compare and tell me what makes you angrier: that sometime the girls will lose a game, that you won’t ever become a girl or that you don’t know for sure how Deb Triens is doing?”

I said, “That’s not fair; you’re trying to get me to say it’s about trying to be a girl. Yes, having more emotions and feeling attached to people is new for me. It frustrates me.”

There’s a knock at the front door, and I get up to answer it…

To be continued…

Audrey Trullo, a neighbor, had asked me over to visit as my emotions and anger had been getting to me. We talked about my time acting as Rose or Dort as part of my punishment and if I saw myself as a girl.

When the doorbell rang I got up to answer it. I opened the door asking, “Who is it?” Then I saw my sister Shannon and a girl with her who was closer to my age.

“Shannon, what are you doing here? If you came to get me, you already know Audrey helps me, from time to time. Whatever it is thanks but no thanks, right now!”

Shannon pauses and stands there waiting and then Audrey says to me, “Don’t be rude, ask them in.” The odd thing was her friend caught my eye, she was wearing a nice-looking skirt and blouse.

The way Shannon said hello to Audrey, told me they knew each other better than I thought. Shannon begins introductions, “Jamie Tyler this is Rose’s good friend and our neighbor and Rose who you’ve seen at school.”

It surprised me that Jamie and I went to the same school. Jamie says, “You look surprised that we’re both at the same school and you don’t know me.” She paused, “It is probably because I’m in some of Sonja’s classes and not yours. I used to go to Brook High School before I transitioned. I homed school for a year but I felt ready to be in a school this year.”

I didn’t hear the ‘transition’ part, thinking she said ‘transferred’ from Bound Brook. Jamie said, “Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you’re like me, but when I saw how neat you’re being accepted; I thought this is where I want to start back to school. So when your sister was in our store, I asked if she’d help me to meet with you.”

It was then I had my ‘ah-ha’ moment. I heard of a James over at Brook that transitioned. But I hadn’t heard anything since and forgot about it. I looked sternly at Shannon and said, “So what’s the deal, why did you bring her here to talk to me?”

Shannon said, “She asked me during the holidays. It wasn’t until you lost your cool at school last week that I decided to come home and talk with you. But here seemed better than at home.” She turned to Audrey, “I’m sorry I’m imposing on you, but our parents aren’t great for open discussions.”

Audrey said, “It was a big enough deal some ten years ago when my brother came out as gay.” She said, “It wasn’t my intention to help Rose to come into her own but to act more like a girl when Dort was there in public. I don’t think many expected Dort to last longer than a week, but my little Marie has always had a warm spot for Robbie. That Dort is still around and Rose has come into being. I wanted to play a constructive role if at all possible.”

“Jamie, it is nice to meet you and this is a place where you’re welcome. If it is helpful or you want an additional friend, please know you are welcome here.”

Aubrey left her chair and came next to me, sitting and holding my hand.

Then Jamie spoke again, “Last week when you started to blow off some steam in the cafeteria. I saw a lot of myself in you.”

I abruptly interrupted, “I’m not you! I’m not a girl! I like being Robert and I’m not giving up on that! You get it!” It was not like me to explode like this, but I did and I wasn’t set on cooling down.

Jamie said, “I agree, I don’t think you’re just a girl. And when you come to decide anything it is up to you. But I and, I think, others have come to think you like being a girl but it stresses you out.”

I stood up, walked around, and then walked to the door to go out. I couldn’t bring myself to turn the doorknob. I raised my hands like my head was ready to explode and walked around some more.

I gazed at Jamie and again liked she was smartly dressed. Instead of wanting to snap at her, I was leaning toward complimenting her clothes or asking where she got them. Thinking, ‘This is not a good way of proving you’re not a girl.’

I walked over to Audrey and stood there until she stood up. I hugged Audrey. “You know you are like a second mom to me. When I'm Rose, you are my mom and big sister.”

I sat down with Shannon on one side and Aubrey on my right. It was good to visit with them including Jamie. Part of me didn’t want to identify with Jamie, nor did she with me. She had not identified who she was. One thing she said that spoke to me was even before she transitioned she was already a woman.

I hadn’t told anyone that part of my explosion at school. My friend Mark wanted me to throw things in and get back to being Robert. I had wanted to do the same thing, but couldn’t, because I couldn’t suppress that I was also a ‘girl’.

Before we stopped meeting at Audrey Trullo’s, we called Dr. Kristyn Arnold’s home. I apologized for calling her at home, but the others wanted to be sure I had a professional who knew what I was now acknowledging. I wasn’t ready to be out to the public but need someone to discover and work with me on who I am. Dr. Kristin thanked me for calling and gave me a special number to call her. She would check my class schedule and call me to her office during study time.

It was heartwarming when Jamie hugged me as we said goodbye. Shannon took her to her home, while I walked to mine.

Sierra asked if I had seen Shannon and how I felt about myself. She was surprised when I told her that I was truly her sister. She and I went to Shannon’s room where we felt free to talk.

Sierra said, “I hope this means, you are going to stop wearing the same outfits close together.” …She said, “Rose, I think you need to explore and see yourself in new ways.” She and I went to the fitness center at the community college and she led me through a set of aerobic exercises.

Ms. Lea introduced herself and said, “It is nice to see you, Rose, would you mind if I introduced you to some yoga movements that you can use to relax and explore this side of yourself?”

She knew I became defensive, but she helped me relax, and meditate and knew I would decide where I’d go with it. If I ever used it at all.

It surprised me that I looked like a girl in my workout outfit. My gaff hid any sign of being Robert. It also gave me new confidence I decided to wear designer jeans or the dress slacks Sierra had.

Monday, we made a giant picture of the USS Cook for one wall in the gymnasium, putting on the numbers of our players from their home jerseys.

We hadn't gotten the Athletic Directors approval and he and the coach of the boys’ team protested.

Knowing it could be painted over, we sought the Principal’s help and then the Superintendent’s approval to keep it up through the end of the basketball season. The Athletic Director protested, saying he wouldn’t allow it because it was prejudicial to the girls’ team. I said, “You don’t want to go there. The sports budget and promotions for male athletics are way out of balance. If the girls would file a civil challenge the boys’ sports budget would stand to lose a lot.”

The Athletic Director said, “Mr. Anderson, I am not appreciative of you in this discussion. You were a novelty that overstayed its welcome; you shouldn’t be part of what we’re talking about.”

I was about to speak up, but Coach House raised her hand to stop me. She then spoke up, “I am sorry you think that as Dort has been closely watched and has handled herself quite well. The connection with the USS Cook was done with a lot of help from ** Anderson. The high school girls' basketball season record and the idea of giving the team some added recognition now seems appropriate.”

The meeting reconvened at the gym. The Art teacher had several of the students who painted the ship. “Several of our art students helped us to design the ship after the girls won the holiday tournament. We are sorry that we hadn’t checked about permission. We just assumed that everyone would see it in good taste.”

Mister Mitchell, the President of the School Board, was now present and was the first to respond; it probably set the tone for any continued discussion. “I sure hope this was just an excuse to get us over here, to make sure, we all got to see it. From our budding artists to the present-day representation of the Destroyer and our present girls’ team; it all appears marvelous. What seems to be the problem?”

His statement ended the discussion. The Director of Athletics put on a nice smile and quickly backtracked. Everyone was soon dismissed.

Later that week, I thought I was doing well, except for two or three incidents of me away from the court. But now Coach House, Coach Daley, and some girls surrounded Dort. “What’s with all of you giving me added attention?”

Coach Daley said, “Our team and the Cheer team have been booed and criticized. It goes with being out there win or lose. Even winning, you see we have our critics. You haven’t learned yet to look cute, be nice, and quiet no matter what.”

I tried to say I was alright, but I began to shake. They had me sit down, Aronia and Erin Se said, “We get so nervous we usually get sick and throw up before our ball games.” Kristin Hadley, “It is not unusual if I get called for a foul. I even fouled out once because a foul was once credited to me when I wasn’t even in the game when I got credit for my fourth foul. Coach tells us not to take it so seriously we get sick.”

She said, “We’ve watched you. That’s part of what got you in trouble as Robert. We…” She looks around and a lot of heads nod their approval. “We need to ask you to relax and enjoy yourself more. You’re part of the cheer team and you’re not to speak critically of the referees at the game. We like your spirit, but you need to leave the game up to us basketball players.”

Kaylea said, “I’ve talked to Lieutenant Fields and we have her permission to throw you in the brig if you can’t behave and have fun. Starting the next game, you’re going to have a wrist corsage for each game, to remind you you’re our Rose.”

The number of messages the basketball players and cheerleaders were getting from guys aboard the USS Cook had increased from two to over twenty every week in the past two months. Two players even sent pictures back, with them posing in their basketball shorts, looking back over their shoulders. Lieutenant Fields, checked with them, “Did you girls know your pictures might be used as pin-up pictures?”

The truth for both of them was that their grandmothers were the ones who suggested it and put the girls up to it. Kristin, an especially pretty girl, said, “My grandmother suggested it. Saying, I’m better looking than some Betty Grable. I’m a bit of a flirt, and this allows me to flirt at a safe distance.”

Those on the Ship were even watching the game via a computer hook-up from the school’s video of the basketball games. There were people in the school broadcasting the game via their computer feed. Dawson, one of the computer geeks was to make the connection with the ship. Some ten to sixteen got to see them live and more would see it as Dawson had gotten better as a broadcaster and became friends with athletes at the school. Dawson and I were friends, but he’s uncomfortable that I now like being Dort and Rose.

Kent Fox, one of the sailors, and his wife Jaylene lived within twenty-five miles of our school. She was now coming to all our home games. She attended three away games that were closer to where she lived with their 2-year-old daughter Heather. Jaylene got a couple of opportunities to wave and say hello as part of each broadcast.

I had become a friend to Jaylene as the Cheer team helped when she had to bring Heather. Jaylene took a fancy to help me with my hair and makeup. She said, “You remind me of my little sister. I don’t get to see her much because my parents didn’t like my marrying Kent. I had to get away from home. Kent was one of the few men who treated me right.”

Sparta was one place she could find a home she could afford to rent, with a grocery store within walking distance. She was considering moving to our town after my Dad and Mr. Barlow said they would help her with finances for the next two years.

While I’m now beginning to see myself as transgender, it is not yet public. My father has indicated that he sees it differently. He has a calendar marked to count off the days until the girls’ basketball tournament is over. The last two days were marked with a question mark (?). He wrote, “One loss in the tournament; it would be history for me as Dort.”

I’m afraid if I don’t forget things and give in to my Dad he might hold his help to Jaylene over my head. Shannon said it wasn’t likely since he had said it publicly. But it was added pressure on me.

Shannon has invited both Sonja and me, as Rose, to go to a Sister's visit to her college. While Mom had said yes, Dad still didn’t know. Mom made it known, if Dad said no, her permission would be revoked as well.

We were facing our last game of the season. St. Peter’s needed a win to secure a spot in the playoffs and our team needed the win for a perfect season.

I was awake before five o'clock and put on a moisturizer before picking out my clothes and putting Dort’s uniform on a hanger and into a dress bag to take to school. I took some pins out of my hair from last night so the curls would have time to relax before I did my hair for the day. I had yogurt and fruit for breakfast with one of Sonja’s supplement drinks. And I made sure it was hidden deep into the trash.

Since I was in my teddy bear PJs, I hurried back to my room when I heard one of my parent’s up.

It was barely 6:30 when Anne came over to my house. She was as excited as I was and wanted to make sure I had two skirts and panties for Dort. There was always the chance one could get messed up during school or the pep assembly in the gym.

Luckily I was dressed by the time she got there or Mom wouldn’t have let her up to my bedroom. What I didn’t know and Mom wouldn’t learn, was that Anne brought two push-up inserts for my bra. While they were not big, they did add to my feminine look. I wore my outdoor coat as I left my room and said goodbye to Mom from a distance.

Mother planned to come to the game, but thankfully, she would not come to the pep rally. Sonja knew what I had done but thankfully decided not to cause me any grief. She did whisper to me, “You know you and Dad are on a collision course.” I could tell she had become more accepting of me. She said, “You’d do well to have one more reason, like meeting the ship to keep him from making anything final about you being Robert.”

I looked with a soft smile, “Am I hearing that you’re almost siding with me?”

She said, “Sierra and Shannon already knew I changed my position. I’m unsure I want to lose my favored daughter status with Father.” She gave me a hug and air kiss.

Once I got to school Sharon and Sandra met me and congratulated me for not making any more sideline remarks, especially to referees. “Rose, you’ve come a long way as Dort. We hope you have kept the best for tonight and the playoff games.” Sharon said, “I know this is an emotional time for all of us. And that like Sandy and me, this could be your last go-around as Dort. You might want to look closely at the anchor chain on the Destroyer when others aren’t around…”

When we got to the pep rally, Anne slapped my hands, “Quit that, someone’s going to think you like how your buns look.” I said, “But I do like them!”

We both looked up to the Destroyer picture.

Jaylene was already here with Heather…

To be continued…

Dr. Kristine Arnold continued to meet with me as the girls’ team was now down to their last regular game. Dr. Kristine asked, “How do you feel about the girls’ regular season-ending?”

I said, “I’m a little afraid, I don’t want to stop being Rose or Dort. Right now I’m dressing as Rose most every day except weekends. I even try to find a reason good enough for my father to allow me to be Rose or Dort.”

Kristine said, “But you are Robert, isn’t it right that you should spend more time as Robert?”

“I find being Rose is helping me to be a better person. I find it funny I sometimes talk to myself as Robert. Often about how some of the things I’m learning speak to me as Robert.” I think Kristine was impressed by how I was able to explain myself.

It was usual for the boys’ games that our fans came up with something unusually cute to get the team and fans of both sides to take notice. One of their favorites was to lift up newspapers like they were bored and reading the paper when the other team was being introduced. We the Cheer Team had prepared something we thought was creative. We had worked with the Pep Band and they perfected their part.

It took place just when the teams went back to their benches for the introductions. The Destroyers’ Pep Band kicked in playing an old song, Sixteen Tons. There’s a line ‘St. Peter don’t call me I cannot go’. We played the song the last two weeks of the season in preparation for this game and to accomplish our perfect season. The second time we sang ‘St. Peter don’t call me I cannot go’. There was an abrupt change to Anchors Aweigh, at which time I unfurled our Destroyers’ flag as I waved it and stepped out to the middle of the court. Fans came to their feet and began to sing the song. And we anticipated correctly; many of the St. Peter’s fans found themselves standing and singing along to the Navy’s Anthem.

Our girls’ team walked to the half-court line and the St. Peter’s team was soon there. They greeted one another, Kaylea was the first to say, “Let’s have a good game and leave it on the floor.”

This was a very unusual game at the end of a very unusual season. We were on their court and Coach Daley was becoming known for her team’s attitude of good sportsmanship. I personally knew how different it was from all the men coaches at our school.

I was back to my traditional spot next to the team. I would be seated during the game and standing only during timeouts. There were only a few cheers where I was to be participating in the cheer.

With the first tip-off, St. Peter’s made it known they came to win, doing what they thought was needed. Our Kristin Hadley was a tall and good jumper. Anticipating she would win the tip, the other St. Peter’s players went to Kaylea and Thyme to get the ball before they did. It not only leads to their getting the ball but should have led to a quick score. Thyme, Kaylea, and Kristin did well in their three to the five against them.

Kaylea not only stopped their player going to the basket but stole her pass knocking it to Kristin. Kristin threw it to Jenn who made a quick basket at the other end.

Jenn and Trish seeing that they only brought one player to throw the ball in and one person to take it, both covered the girl who was to receive the ball. Soon five seconds were up and the ball became ours.

It was the third basket for a 7-0 lead when I first jumped off the bench seat. I saw Coach Daley as she came down to me, “At ease sailor; young lady, I want you to stay glued to that seat. Do we have an understanding?” When I said, ‘Yes’, and was seated she smiled and said, “Good. Now the rest of you be good.” She was talking to her players.

The players on the bench were talking and encouraging the players on the court as well as one another. Coach Daley changed players to rest them as the game went on. Once, I didn’t understand it when Kaylea was fouled as she made a basket. Right after Kaylea made her foul shot she took Kaylea out for another player. Their coach had not taken out their player who fouled. I muttered, “That’s unfair.”

Madi sitting next to me said, “You must not have kept track, Kaylea would often make one or two fouls in the next few minutes. Coach doesn’t like K going into the last period with more than three fouls on her.” I looked down the bench and saw that Kaylea was in fact content with the move.

With five minutes to go in the first half, I rose from the bench during a time out and circled the court waving our flag with the SS Cook’s colors. I handed the flags to Anne and started to take turns doing stunts with Sharon and Sandra. One of their players came out and stood in my path as I was about to make my last jump. I was either going to chance to crash into her or kicking her if I couldn’t jump properly. Instead of planting two hands for my backward flip; I use just the one to send me sprawling to the floor in another direction. It hurt awful and would have me limping if I was able to get up at all.

The officials indicated to Coach House that I needed to get off the court or it could go against our team as it's last time out of the half. Anne was furious which was no help, Mary Errands gave me a hand up and wrapped her arm around me. So as I stepped with my left leg she was in step with me with her right leg. It took most of my weight when we were in sync. I sat back down, with severe pain. Tears came any time the pain spiked, but I didn’t cry out loud. The five playing minutes lasted close to fifteen minutes. The only saving grace was our physician’s assistant sprayed it to be very cold so it did not puff up.

Come half time, Sierra came down holding out my phone. Deb Trien from the SS Cook was calling. “We’re proud of all of you, and the team looks great. Our medic wants you up and walking around. You need to do no less than two cheers in the second half. He says, ‘If you go out now with an injury now. You will be sidelined for all your playoff games.’” Jenn said, “Go hug Heather that will help bring a smile back to your face. We’re with you, and will soon set sail to come home. Please tell Jaylene.”

She was right, my hugging Heather gave me my smile back and Jaylene's happiness also helped to lift my spirits. I walked Heather until Therese told me Anne and the Cheer Team were looking for me. Therese said, “They were afraid you went to the hospital without telling them.”

Jaylene thanked me for holding Heather and the news I shared. Right then I had feelings for Kent and others aboard the ship. Jaylene said, “You are like a pregnant woman.”

I giggled as we walked toward the team. I said, “There’s no way I understand that one?”

She said, “You look determined to do what you need to do. It is not a matter of life and death, but of wellbeing. Your friends say you have come a long way. I do not understand your journey, but you now have the spirit of a determined young woman. I am proud to stand with you and call you my friend.”

We had to part company, so she hugged me, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and said, “Bless you.” I stepped to be with the team and there was no pain.

Coach House asked me, “How are you? I am sure you are hurting. It will be okay if you need to sit out the game or go to the hospital now.”

I said, “The pain has lifted and even the swelling is minimal. I feel a need to do what I can. I hope you will allow me to do that. You’ve helped me to become a real cheerleader, please don’t stop me now.”

I apologized to the Cheer Team for not staying with them. I did tell them the news from the crew of the Cook. I went to the end of the bench for the basketball team. Coach Daley came to me, “I’m impressed that you’re still with us. The team cares a lot about you. It will help them to see that you are doing as well as you are. …Grab your happy feet, we are ready to put some good distance between us and the Saints.”

It took some time off the play clock as the Destroyers scored fourteen points to their three, plus they had three more fouls. One could tell the St. Peters team was putting all their energy trying to get back in the game. Our fans were no better than a third of their crowd, but we were the ones making the noise like it was our gym.

During the third period, I already took part in two cheers. Our team had over a twenty point lead that they would keep the remainder of the game. Coach House called us together. “Keep cheering, but let’s not do anything personal in being derogatory toward our opponent.” There were at least two voices that wondered out loud, “Why not?”

Alexis House asked me, “Dort, can our mascot give a good reason. I was surprised that I had a quick answer. “We’re a reflection of the basketball team and they’ve chosen the high road. If the basketball team can do it. …Let’s do Sandra, Sharon, and Jessica proud. They have seven more games leading our Cheer Team.”

I felt our team’s joy and considered how intense their emotions must be in going 20-0. Somehow it moved me to compassion as several of their senior and varsity players were taken out the closing minutes of the game. This was likely the end of their season and high school career. I clapped softly as they came out and bowed in respect to them. Soon it was the whole cheer team and many of our fans stood up and joined.

Ten minutes later, the game was over and we were officially undefeated for the season. I couldn’t believe it I was crying out of sheer joy, just like I was one of the girls.

My two sisters were soon there congratulating and asking if I was hurt. I looked toward Sierra and saw my father and mother coming. I braced myself for a derogatory remark from my father. Instead, he complimented me and asked how I was from my fall.

“Daddy, don’t tease me. If you have something to say, say it. I know you’re not happy with me.”

My father looked at me and his facial expression changed. “Hurry and sit down Rose. You don’t look well,” he said.

I could hear voices and then there was either a bright light or nothing…

=^_^=~

I woke up, and from the smell of things, I knew I was in a hospital. But I didn’t recognize where or know any of the names from the few name badges that I saw. One nurse stopped and talked to. “You’re going to be alright honey, but you let yourself get rundown. We’re putting in a pint of O+ and will keep you the night just in case. I do have one question for you while you’re alert. Do you want to be Rose or Robert?”

I said, “What difference does it make?”

“I’m nurse Sommers, and when you came in someone called you Robert and you got agitated and you said you’re Rose. So I’m asking before anyone else comes in here, who are we treating Rose or Robert? There is a room on the OB floor if we’re treating Rose.”

“I want to be Rose, but I don’t understand why I’m here.”

“Let me get the doctor and she’ll do the explaining,” Sommers said. Dr. Caruthers was soon there.

Dr. Caruthers said, “We’ll have your family in a moment, but I want to explain what I understand happened. Then I’ll try to explain what I think may have triggered this episode.” She drew up a stool and took my hand. “Being in a university town neither anxieties nor a person being transgender are new to us. I think both acted to bring around the events of tonight and you finally pass out.”

“We know of you being Dort the Destroyer, a mascot for your girls’ teams. I gather Rose has grown as part of being here and having to dress up so often. A cheerleader not eating right on a big night is nothing new, but as it did tonight it catches up to a person.”

“You had just won a big game that made for an undefeated season for your team. The celebration had already begun, so what was the stress that pushed you over the edge. Your outburst here, “I’m still Rose, I’m Rose, I’m Rose! Do you think that was to us, or to your sister who was with you?”

Without hesitation, I spoke up not wanting Sierra seen as the one who exasperated me. “No, it wasn’t my sister, I saw my father coming.”

She said, “But your father said he came to congratulate you and to make sure you weren’t hurt from something that happened during the game. Did you hear him congratulating you as well as the team’s victory?”

“I guess I heard him but wasn’t actually sure. He’s been extra hard on my sisters and me. He thought I should be punished but became upset when I grew to like being Rose, Dort. It’s like I’m new and have friends. I’ve changed and I’m not as shy.” I continued after catching my breath and thoughts. “He’s going to count the playoff games like a countdown! It ends with me going back to being Robert. No more Dort or Rose.”

Okay, what you said is between us. I’m going to allow your family to see you before you go up to your room 0534. Since it’s the OB floor and you need some rest. They will say goodbye here and you’ll go to your room to sleep.”

I saw it was 11:45 when they came in to see me. First, it was only Mom, Dad, and Sonja; Sierra and Anne soon followed in. Dad was enthusiastic for him, “I so glad you’re alright. We wanted to tell you how proud we are not only for the team and school but especially about you.”

“I sorry Rose that it took something like your fall for me to appreciate your changed. Robert, I forgot you could do all that.”

“We’re you proud of Rose doing it?”

There was a silence, “Of course you’re Dort the Destroyer. You’ve gone the extra distance in fulfilling your discipline.”

“Daddy, I’ve gone the extra distance as Rose. I like it.” I turned to Sierra, Sonja, and Anne.

“I hope what happened to me didn’t take away from the win.” Anne came to the bed I was lying on and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

She said, “You did super, the team is proud of you and sent their good wishes. But no, they were quite happy to get to town and celebrate. I told you before you need to eat better. Jaylene Fox said she was sorry. She blamed herself for you not getting things at halftime.”

“I hope you told her that’s silly. That I’m a big girl and can take care of myself.

Anne said, “But you didn’t and you scared all of us.”

Saturday morning, I woke up and used the toilet off of my room. I walked out into the hall and down toward the nursery window. I was looking in their nursery window. I’d never seen newborns this soon after their birth. I thought of little Marie. Two mothers had walked down. One even walked into the nursery so she could nurse her very small baby. It looked like her nipple was too big for the very small baby. The woman next to me said, “Look she actually latched on, I bet Carrie’s happy.”

I said, “You and she are friends?”

“We were in Lamaze, but she wasn’t due yet. That’s my little boy over there? Which one is yours?”

I giggle, “I didn’t have a baby. I came in last night having fainted.”

Jade said, “Do you want to have a baby when the time comes?” I didn’t know how to answer, ‘Of course I would, but I’m not a real girl.’

Tiffany the other Mom, said, “If I am correct, she can’t. You are Rose Anderson named in this morning’s newspaper, aren't you? Just to let you know, you’re as good of a woman as most and better than some that I know.”

Tiffany asked, “How would you feel about coming down to my room when I nurse little Megan there?” I looked up to see if it was a serious question. I was surprised by the invite as I felt my yearning to be as much a girl as possible.

I replied, “If you really wouldn’t mind and think badly of me.”

Tiff said, “It’s natural for you as a girl. I live at least five miles closer to you than the hospital. Maybe you’d even be open to being her babysitter in a few months.”

Tiffany wasn’t back to her room for more than five minutes, when Megan’s bassinet was wheeled down to her room for the morning. Tiffany looked to me to be the most beautiful woman, but then again, I had never seen a woman like this. She hadn’t covered herself and the baby as she would do if she were out in public.

She asked, “Is this why you accepted your punishment without much fuss? Or was it afterward, that you then liked being Rose?”

I couldn’t believe she asked such questions, it was like she saw through me. “I guess I might as well trust you. You seemingly know that I see myself really being Rose. I never thought I’d be invited into this part of a woman’s world. I do have a coach who is pregnant and I kind of hope she or another woman would be comfortable in inviting me. …Would you mind, if I confessed I never saw a woman as beautiful? You look like there’s a glow to you.”

Tiffany said, “I can’t see it myself. But I felt the change, so quickly after Megan was born. I went from the excruciating pain, she caused during my labor, to absolute joy and pride that I wouldn’t have believed, but it happened. The doctor even fixed a tear down there and I stayed joyful.” She had started to pull a sheet back that I might see her there. Then she stopped and laughed. Rose, I am so comfortable with you. You truly are another woman to me.”

Soon there was a knock at her door and a doctor was there looking for me, not Tiffany. “Hello, I’m Dr. Brianna Wright, a Psychiatrist and I need to see Rose.”

Dr. Wright explained that she wanted to visit with me and if possible decide where my stress was coming from.

Story to be continued…

Dr. Wright was very nice and easy to talk to. She put me at ease and would encourage me not to make any drastic changes. “Since Dort and Rose’s demise was partly responsible for your episode twice over. I recommend that they remain as appropriate for the time being. If that is alright with you I will send that as a recommendation to the School’s Principal and Psychologist. You’ll remain here most of the day just for observation until your doctors here release you.”

She said, “I was moved that another patient was impressed with you as another woman to let you be with her at such a precious time for her.”

I said, “I was surprised too, I thought it would have been a time she wouldn’t want others there. She was probably joking but she said she might call me to babysit in a few months.”

“The way she said goodbye to you, indicated to me she saw you as a girl worthy of what she said. All that I’ve seen published about you indicate you’re respected by the public and those who have come to know you recently.

“I want you to take the coming days, to respect and enjoy who you are. Let each day take care of itself.”

There was a knock at the door, as I asked who it was, Principal Evans identified herself. Dr. Wright invited her in and said, “We were just talking about you and I said, I’d be happy to talk to you about Rose. I’m a little surprised you found Rose as we expected most would be asking for Robert who never became a patient.”

Dr. Wright looked and me, and I nodded that we could talk openly. The short of it was, Principal Evans knew it was not only okay but preferable that I continue as Dort and Rose Anderson along with being Robert.

Dr. Wright left and as I visited with Amanda Evans, it felt strangely nice becoming a friend of hers. Like people seeing me, Robert as Rose; seeing Principal Evans as a friend was seeing her in a new light.

I was able to use her pen to write my name and phone number after our visit I walked down with her to the baby nursery. I took my note and went to Tiffany’s room. I gave her the note, saying, “If you would actually consider asking me to be a babysitter this is my name and number.”

We again enjoyed a visit and Tiffany Streep asked. “Would you be willing to come a few weeks early so Megan can be comfortable with you and you come to know where things are in the house?”

I knew not to stay long and went back to my room. Sierra and Sonja were the first of the family to come. Mom and Dad actually were visiting with Dr. Caruthers. The three of them soon came to my room. Dr. Caruthers said, “Rose I am releasing you, but as I told your parents. I want you to take it easy today. I guess there is an afternoon gathering in town to formally welcome the Girl Destroyers. You can go, but no cheerleading and you are to take it easy. Can you do that or should they take you home and you stay there?”

“Can I at least be standing with the Cheer Team?” Dad was shaking his head, but Sierra came over to me. “Dad, I’ll be with her. You need to allow Robert, Rose to have that time. You saw her last night. You know if anyone earned that right it has been Rose.”

Dad and Mom smiled and agreed. It was like Sierra had loosened a knot in my stomach.

Sonja held up some clothes on hangers and a bag with shoes and the extras that I needed. I took a shower and was soon dressed and with Sierra and Sonja’s help back to looking normal.

We walked to Tiffany’s room, but when I saw she too had company I turned around. Then a man coming out of the room asked, “Are you that one that I heard about? …Tiffany’s mentioned you, so I was hoping to see you. Tiff has a knack of meeting special people. I want you to know, we’re looking forward to seeing you in the future.” He and I hugged and I even gave him a kiss on the cheek as I said goodbye. I find myself doing girl things that I wouldn’t have imagined before.

Once we were on our way out of the hospital Dad said, “I don’t understand that. You actually kissed another man on the cheek in saying ‘Goodbye’.”

I shook my head and just walked on.

We were half an hour early for the Destroyers’ Rally. The girls’ team had been driven on a firetruck from the park south of town and around with sirens and lights. I forewent the mania outside and was inside with Anne and Therese Jeters courtside.

It was nice as Trish and Kaylea saw me, they and the Cheer team quickly came over and gave me hugs. They went up on the platform and I gathered with the Cheer Team on the floor in front of them.

I hadn’t noticed it until Coach Cathy Daley mentioned the light shining on the Spirit of the Destroyers’ painting and pointed to ‘the Rope’ hanging in the rafters. Jaylene Fox presented two large bouquets of roses from the Ship and crew of USS Cook.

There was no doubt left that this was the prelude to a larger celebration. Coach Daley was cautious and pointed out that a State Championship is uncertain. “We are a small team for Class 2A. It will be very helpful for us to have a better than average fan base when we get t continue in the sub-state playoffs.” It was then that I jumped and kicked up my feet with the Cheerleaders. I wasn’t in uniform, but it felt great. Feeling the bruises from the fall at the game was minor in comparison.

After the rally, Coach Daley came up to me, “I am sorry for not acknowledging you and what you have done. Please know I was plenty proud of you down at the end of the bench. …I was also proud when you showed respect to the senior girls on the Saints team. That had to be a hard way for them to end their season. You made it a little better for them. It helped silence the ‘nay Sayers’ in their crowd.”

I grinned, “I can only say, I learned a lot from you and your team coach. That maturity wasn’t in me before all of this began.”

There was added joy for me when I saw little Marie run up to me with Audrene Trullo following her. Audrene was sorry to hear I was in the hospital until I mentioned being on the OB floor. I was holding Marie on my hip as Audrene and I talked.

She said, “Sonja told me the good news that you continue to like being Rose. I didn’t see it coming when all this started, but I’m delighted in seeing you Rose. You’ve glowed more and more as Rose became you. I wouldn’t have seen it as natural unless I and others hadn’t seen it with our own eyes slowly changing you.”

“Sonja said you might already have a job as a babysitter. I will have to have you babysit Marie a few more times before I go to the hospital. You could watch Marie when I go to the hospital but I’m afraid the grandmothers would be upset and feel slighted. You do come after them where Marie is concerned.”

When I felt a need to sit from being worn down, I knew I needed to pace myself and eat more regularly. Audrene had me sit down, she said, “We should spend some more time addressing girl talk. I have noticed and I’m sure more of the girls on the basketball and cheer teams have noticed, you are more natural in talking with the others. With the exception of some who are growing interested in you with affection, the others are seeing you like another girl and no longer as Robert. Even your appearance and interest in fashions are like another girl.”

“Mrs. Trullo, I know that should embarrass me more than it does. I’ve been more afraid of my parents, mostly my Dad stopping me now or after the season ends. I know, I’ll eventually have to go back to being Robert. But I’ll be eternally grateful to have this experience. As you said, I’ve learned fashion, makeup, doing my makeup, and more, but most of all how I see things. …Sitting on the bench and watching Ms. Daley guide her players in maturing as women and seeing a larger picture. Then having you and Coach House helping me; I’ve developed a desire in being the best woman possible. And I have trouble translating that into being Robert.”

Sunday evening the Cheer Team would be with the basketball team to review the game film on the teams they would be playing. Coach Daley said she received word on the next two games and their opponents.

Therese and I had gone to church together in the morning, but Therese had made an exception and was coming to my church.

There was a surprise when I got home. Shannon was home. She decided to come home to study for mid-semester exams. While it was true about her studies. Mom and Dad asked her for help in talking to me. Dr. Caruthers had talked to my sisters’ doctor who I had seen once since this all began.

Shannon invited me up to her room, “Rose, you and I need to have a serious conversation. Dr. Cooley’s office called and wants to see you during your lunch break on Monday. Ms. Cooley is the one I prefer to see, so I think that part is good. I understand she got a call from your Dr. Caruthers and you approved their communicating with each other which was also good. The concern being the weight you’ve lost, where it came from, and the word that your breasts have more fatty tissue around them.”

I couldn’t help but smile a little. I knew it had happened but I stopped eating junk food, and I wasn’t surprised that wearing a bra as much as I have would do it. I didn’t know it was a problem as there was little difference in the way they felt. One boob was hurt when I crashed to avoid the St. Peter’s player.

Shannon looked across to me, “Rob, I understand as Rose you don’t mind the changes, but these disks were found in our room and they aren’t mine. I’m afraid wearing a gaff and using these pills alone shouldn’t be powerful enough, but doing both might have changed things enough to affect your production of testosterone as well as your female hormones.”

I said, “I looked it up on the internet that the birth control pills don’t contain enough hormones to make a difference.”

Shannon had her tablet on and I knew I was going to get a lesson or two. She asked, “Did you know a man wearing something tight around his testes can reduce the production of testosterone because of body heat, that adolescent boys also produced female hormones. Dad told me that if you reduced the testosterone enough and that the pills increased your female hormones enough that change could be significant. Any prolonged use of female hormones could change your testosterone production permanently.”

Suddenly, I wasn’t sure if I might have created a monster or if it was an answer to prayer, but I wasn’t sure any longer than I wanted it. “Dad doesn’t think it had gotten close to that point or thought it was much of a possibility.”

I could tell in the coming days that he wasn’t thrilled that I chose to continue at times to be Rose.

Everyone thought the coming two games would not be much of a challenge. That was with the exception of Coach Daley and her team. She was correct in that Bridgeton played with the energy of a possessed team.

Schoolwork was hard for me to stay focused on until Coach Daley threw me in with her players’ study times. She had a B average standard for her starters. She had extra tutoring for those who weren’t academically inclined to do well. I about went crazy the first day as I could not talk unless it was about my studies.

Trish Dunlavy’s boyfriend broke up with her just before the playoffs began. He said he couldn’t live with her 8 o’clock curfew for another three weeks. Trisha was direct in asking me to go with her places so she wasn’t alone. Once when we were up in her room, we snuggled and I learned how close she wanted to be.

Their contest against Mountain View High was more like a team scoring contest. Even our fans pretty much lost interest by the end of the third quarter. The plus for me was, I felt fully recovered and able to do all my moves. Both my parents and Coach House forbid me to do my flips or anything at a fast speed.

My second appointment with Dr. Cooley included the results of previous blood tests from the hospital. I was also to take in a disk of pills I had been using. I was able to exchange my disk with someone who got theirs from their college program. I was fairly sure my disk was military issued and I did not want to taint that relationship.

Dr. Cooley was forthright, “I was pretty sure the ones you were taking we slightly stronger than these. Your test results indicate you have a higher amount of female hormones in you and your testosterone is on the low side of normal for a boy your age.”

“I will ask you once again was this something you have been wanting and working towards.”

I said, “I’ve stopped taking the birth control pills, but I plan to do everything else as I have been through the state tournament. That includes using the gaff and hiding my boy parts.”

She took an extra ten minutes and we casually visited about what a boy finds interesting as a girl. She asked if I was in the high school’s LGBT Club. I said yes, and she laughed when I said I am even attending it more regularly again.

She not only gave me the information about prolonged use of estrogen but took time to explain it. What was to be an extra ten minutes went twenty minutes into her lunch time.

This weekend we would play at the larger gymnasium of the state university for the District championship. With the expected victory, next week the Destroyers would be playing for the region championship and the goal of being one of eight to make it to the state playoffs.

We were to have a rally come Tuesday, so I was back to being Rose. A welcome break from Rob’s clothes. I traded my last disk of pills with Trish Dunlavy, saying to myself, ‘All good things must come to an end.’ I wasn’t really sure what that meant, other than these pills would last through the tournament games.

We had heard from the USS Cook. They would soon be moving out of the Mediterranean Sea and heading for England. Part of it was to do a naval exercise with the British Navy and then to have liberty after that in England. Deb said it would include giving up her Med. tan and switching over to the weather complexion of the British Isles.

Seeing pictures of her tan as well as those of others, became an excuse for shopping for summer swimsuits. With my gaff in place, I have tagged along to the mall to be part of the search. Most, including myself, were surprised to see how good I could look so scantily clad. I had tried on a few swimsuits but wasn’t buying any. Anne, Therese, and Trish had different ideas and received donations to purchase me two swimsuits; one of them from Victoria Secrets.

Thankfully, it was a one-piece fashionably made. Sierra and Shannon were home and amused themselves teasing me about my swimsuits.

I was back to doing all my flips and tumbles.

Beating Pennington to gain entrance to the Regional Championship game was the toughest challenge to date. We were shy two starters due to fouls come the last three minutes of the game. Sharon and Sandy had done the more spectacular moves to that point. I was now asked to do my best two backward flips. But Ms. House was adamant that I was to stop after the first rather than risk injury. While the Cheer team was doing a cheer calling for our fans to stand and cheer. I began my run. One backward hand flip, into a standing backward flip. Catching my breath in midair I ended with a forward flip and then going into a front and rear leg split.

Its purpose drove attention away from me, to rally the fans behind our girls. Coach Daley would later mention Erin Se and Aronia’s play off the bench caught Pennington by surprise. Pennington had more tightly covered the other players daring Erin and Aronia to shoot the baskets. They would make six of seven and all three three-point shots, as well as four from the foul line. The final score did not indicate how tough Pennington had played.

I was emotionally down to tears, come the end of the game. Coach Daley patted me, and said, “That will probably scare the team enough to play hard and win the championship. I want to thank you, Rose. Your jumps probably enable those girls to relax and do their best. …When you communicate to the Ship make sure you thank them for being behind us. I felt their presence tonight.”

Hope High School was a challenge for the regional championship, but unfortunately, they played against a rejuvenated team of Destroyers. My father asked how I could maintain by girl's voice under the stain of so many games. Only Shannon knew what I was afraid to confess that for now, it was my regular voice.

Being Rose was as much a need as a desire. Three games in four nights awaited the top two teams at state for each level. The Jersey edition of the Inquirer, as well as the Newark and Jersey City papers, decried the attention our class of schools was getting. Truthfully, the larger schools were worthy of the attention they would get, but so were we.

New uniforms for the basketball team had arrived and as desirable as they were via appearance, Coach Daley turned down their use for now. “We’re not about ready to changing uniforms for chancing our winning ways in these.” The beauty of not changing the uniforms would be that the players could keep their jerseys as mementos.

Unfortunately for me, Shannon had to be back at her university and could not be my roommate in Atlantic City. Sierra would miss three classes but no exams, so she was willing to be my chaperone. Being there the first night with the basketball team, cost us, Cheerleaders, our own money.

Pool pictures of me would cause a new round of foul-minded critics.

I did receive a new satin blouse with a tied front from the women of the Cook. It was a new look for me to show some of my midsection. The cheer season had been nice to me. I did not have quite the look of the other cheerleaders, but there was no sign betraying me as a boy.

With Audrene Trullo coaching how I handle myself under such pressure; my critics were the ones’ receiving their own criticism. I was blessed to have the unwavering support of Coach House and Principal Evens.

I was told by some, but I never knew if it was true or not that they were under pressure and threats ranging from discipline to the loss of their jobs. Sierra’s statement that I was not responsible for what happened to either of them was little consolation to me.

Unable able to sleep that night, I went out to the hall; having found no one there and no change for the vending machines. I decided to go down to the lobby to get change for my ten-dollar bill. Upon stepping out of the elevator, I was soon pushed back into the elevator and was accosted.

By the time I was found and becoming conscious again; someone in authority asked if it was true? I guess a note had been sent down with me on the elevator. I cried, “You’re going by some lewd note, how about me?”

To be continued…

By the time I was found and becoming conscious again; someone in authority asked if it was true? He said, “There was a note that had been sent down with you in the elevator. It suggested you’re a slut, seeking guys out.”

I moaned, “You’re going by some lewd note, how about me? I bet they didn’t identify themselves, did they?”

He said, “No, but our question is should we send an officer to make sure you don’t escape the hospital.”

I went to the hospital and Officer Debra apologized for her presence, “This is archaic that they treat women as suspects instead of women victimized.”

“But I’m not really a woman.”

Officer Debra said, “While you’re going to need to think like a woman and not go out walking alone and without pepper spray. Whether you’re a woman or see yourself as a transwoman, you deserved better respect.”

It was six o’clock in the morning when my father showed up. He said, “I’m going to help you, but I need to know for sure that you weren’t out looking for something?”

I became enraged, “Get the f*** out, you’re no father of mine.” I threw the tissue box at him as it was the only thing I could reach.

And as soon as my mother said, “But…” I said, “Don’t go trying to cover for him. You’d be irate if he said that of you!”

Mom said, “He wouldn’t dare.”

Sierra spoke up about seeing me leave the room last night; “I’m sorry Rose when I saw you pick up the dollar bill I thought you were only going to the vending machines.”

I said, “It was a $10 bill and the machines wouldn’t accept it. I didn’t think, but I wasn’t looking for trouble. I had on my long robe and slippers.”

Sierra said, “Everybody that knows you, knows you wouldn’t.” I quietly reflected, “Anybody who knows me?” ‘That should have been my father.’

A doctor came in and said, “You have some bumps and bruises, otherwise physically you’re fit. Technically you can go back to your hotel and do whatever you decide. Emotionally, you need to know it will not be that easy. You may have flashbacks, mood swings, and anxiety attacks. You should strongly consider going home and resting.”

I said, “That’s not happening if I can help it.”

Mom was on the phone, I suspect talking to Dad. She asked, “What about the law authorities; is she free as far as their concerned?”

The doctor said, “She was beaten by at least three kids. The law has no say. They have our report. If they have questions they can ask us. If they want to be a help to her. They can solve this and they should be able. If they don’t, shame on them.”

Sierra asked the doctor, “Do you have any idea what they might do to catch these guys?”

The doctor said, “I’d be looking for three teenage boys with one of the schools staying there. They should either be worried or will be feeling cocky. They’re not practical jokers, they’re mean bastards with little sense of right and wrong. We have some hairs, saliva and excrements gathered and kept as evidence.”

I was already half dressed when the nurse returned with my release form, prescriptions, and she wanted to talk with me.

Sierra said, “Dad’s out front to give you a ride. But I was able to drive up near the staff entrance. Shannon called and suggested that I offer you a ride.” Not only did I accept Sierra’s invite, but suggested we not contact Mom and Dad until we’re gone. Let them be our decoy until we’re back at the hotel.

The hotel manager approached us, “We have given you a suite on the seventh floor. We’ve given the Principal and one of your coaches, a Mrs. Trullo, a room next to you and across from you. We are sorry for the danger you faced. We’ll do all that we can to make sure you are safe for the rest of your stay here. …And there will be no charges.”

“How can you do that? I thought every room in town was booked?” It was inferred that they always kept some rooms for very special customers. “Whenever you’re in our city, know that you are one of our prime customers and will be treated as such.”

Once up to our suite, Sierra and I found everything of ours already there, along with some extras. I showered as I wanted to get dressed and find our group. I was half dressed when I felt a need to shower again. Needless to say, the bruises to my midsection didn’t wash off. My sore cheek was not badly bruised and hopefully could be covered by makeup fairly well.

The second time I dressed; I did so as Dort the Destroyer. I had one satin blouse that was like a body suit. Wearing it took away any danger of my belly showing. Audrene Trullo and my two sisters’ Sierra and Sonja were with me when we went to the arena where the games were being played. We now had just over two hours before our game. Audrene had located where the Cheer Team was gathered. And I began to stretch and move about. Coach House was the first to check on me. She and all the cheerleaders hugged me.

Coach House and I had an understanding that I could sit down or leave any time I needed. She also knew it could be therapeutic for me to cheer if I could do it.

Our game was set for late afternoon. The team we were facing is very good but seeded seventh for the tournament and we were seeded second despite being the only undefeated team in the tournament. The Scotties were one of two teams with three losses.

Sierra was taking a lot of pregame pictures, especially of boys with school shirts of teams staying in our hotel.

The women Destroyers did as they often did, and started the game fairly well. They had a 6-2 lead and the ball. Kristin Hadley was shoved while she drove for her shot and was fortunate enough to miss colliding with another girl. She was furious as she felt it was a move to put her out of the game. She stepped up into the face of their big girl but didn’t lose her cool.

The officials warned both coaches, “Their better not be any reprisals or suspicious fouls to cause injuries.” The Destroyers were quickly taking a 9-2 lead and building on it through the first half. The halftime score was 37-25. Coach Daley had slowed the pace in that half so they had plenty of energy in the second half.

Therese Jeters brought word from the Navy Destroyers. Some sailors from a Destroyer docked at Philadelphia did make it to the game to root for us. The word from them and Therese was the USS Cook departed from England yesterday. There was no way they would be back even for our championship game.

Our team wasn’t trying to run up the score but once the Scotties felt desperate to get back into the game; points became easy. We scored forty-eight points in the second half and ended with an 85-57 victory.

I didn’t know she was there but soon after the game and I had time to savor the joy of it all. I was told Dr. Arnold was there and if I wanted I could meet with her. I could tell I was starting to get down, so I said, ‘Yes.’

We went to Principal Evans’ room and Sierra was with me. I was adamant that did not include my parents. Shortly into our time, Dr. Arnold asked, “Who besides your parents are you really upset with?”

I don’t know about Dr. Arnold, but I was surprised when I blurted out, “Robert! I shouldn’t have allowed boys to intimidate me. I should have protected Rose.” With that Kristyn let me cry. I spoke again, “I’m also angry that I let myself lose so much weight. I wanted to look prettier, I wasn’t thinking about my getting weaker.”

Dr. Kristyn took me back through the scenario asking, how either of those two things caused me to get hurt. While I wasn’t without mistakes, she helped me to accept the boys were the ones who decided what happened then. She asked, “You’re now safe from them, so what can you do?”

I still felt the hurt of them hitting me, as I asked myself what I could now do. “Well, I have my sisters and my team. I guess I can make sure I’m with them so I feel relatively safe.” I knew she wanted more, but I wasn’t saying what I didn’t feel.

Dr. Kristyn said, “I have some news to tell you about those boys. They were caught due to Sierra’s taking some pictures and security’s help.” She showed me a picture Sierra had taken of me with a boy in the background. “He had a team shirt of some staying in our hotel. He, his older brother and his brother’s friend were staying at the hotel. …I don’t have all the information but some time in his questioning the boy broke down and told what happened.”

“Someone said they were going to work out a deal until an Officer Debra said she was charging them with the crime. She had even called an Assistant County Attorney, encouraging her to take your case.”

Dr. Arnold tried to help me work through the issues I had especially with my father but acknowledged that was deeper seeded and would take more time than we had there.

I returned to our suite with Sierra. I took my prescription to help me sleep and another for anxiety. With little sleep the night before I was able to get asleep quickly. My biggest impediment was having to take off my makeup.

The next day was relaxing, as our team didn’t play until Thursday evening. It didn’t stop our coach for practice. Three of us had the main responsibility for preparing bags for the individual players and baskets for each of their rooms. The basketball players mostly shot baskets and heard about the team they’d be playing.

We did a lot of stretching and focused on some routines Coach House wanted us to use the last two games. The others were used to practicing things over and over, It was hard and not quite natural for me.

Audrey and I teamed up for the stretching exercises. Spreading our legs apart across from each other, Audrey saw the mark of a shoe kick up on my inner thigh. It caused her to break down and tell me of a rape she experienced two years earlier. She told of things I was sure she could not have told to me a girly-boy. With the others surrounding us, it became time to speak out. Three more girls acknowledged things that happened to them. Sharon apologized as she was not ready to tell her story.

Come noon, we had bought and were wearing T’s, ‘Speak Your Truth’. We weren’t the first at the tournament, but they seemed to multiply as the day went on. I soon received a picture from Lieutenant Fields on the Cook. Her face was not showing, but she had opened her blouse to show a similar shirt underneath.

Someone said, ‘Even under her uniform it was not proper since it was not government issued.’ Another person said, ‘The Navy didn’t even like joking about the possibility of women being harassed.’

The Cheer team and the basketball Destroyers were delighted to hear from the women on the ship. They asked how I was and they were delighted that the guys were caught and charged.

Come Wednesday evening I was delightfully surprised when my sister Shannon called and said she was already in Atlantic City. It was funny as we got together, a half-dozen big sisters and teammates were going with us to a chick flick.

When we finally got back to the rooms after having a great time. I felt a need to give added attention to Sierra. I knew Sierra sometimes felt like the odd person out when I was with Shannon, but tonight I spoke up and let there be no doubt. Sierra was to stay in the suite as long as we were there. We did all of our visiting in the common room. There was a multi-person tub that we also used together. I had not seen either sister totally in the nude since I was six or seven.

But it was more like them being up close and comfortable with me. Their empathy was heightened as they saw the marks on my body. Some were actually more noticeable than before.

We had talked to our parents earlier in the evening. Shannon insisted I needed to resolve my issues with my parents. I was caught by surprise, when she said, “Even if it isn’t favorable for them or you need to work things through. Don’t let the past haunt you. It won’t be the next couple of days, but after we get back home”

I wasn’t sure I understood and Shannon and Sierra both said, “You’ve seen Dr. Caruthers at the hospital and Dr. Arnold from the School, make use of either one or find someone else. You know Dr. Arnold has a private practice, we suggest you use that to be independent from the school.”

Sierra said, “We’ll try to make ourselves available to give you rides to your appointments.”

I said, “But I’m afraid they’ll say I’m becoming a girl. This began as punishment, but it brought something out of me. I know I should be ashamed, but I don’t feel that way.”

Sierra and Shannon must have been like-minded; they came over and hugged me. I wasn’t sure who said what but the other said, “Amen.” The first had said, “There’s no way you should feel ashamed. We agree being Dort brought a lot of good to the surface. Even Mom noted you have become a better student and learned to make friends. You always had a good imagination, but your thought to connect the high school with a destroyer was brilliant. You followed through with things, you didn’t do that before. The letters, that definitely wasn’t Robb’s thinking.”

“That was always my problem. I shied away from making friends and doubted I could accomplish anything worth something. I was always afraid to try, thinking I’d be caught and look silly. My old friend Mike Cardinal said I thought like his sister, so he teased me. That it’s not good for boys to be like a girl. Things like that haunt me.”

Shannon asked, “So is that why you’re still taking the pills?” I know my face lit up wondering how she could tell. Sierra smiled and said, “Shannon was right Rose talks in her sleep. You talked about a bra. Then we figured it was an ‘A’ size bra.”

“I did not say anything like that. You two are making things up,” I said.

Sierra said, “I bet our brother is the only boy wanting a B size cup before he stops growing.”

Shannon asked, “Are you afraid if you stop taking the pills you’ll never become a B or C girl?”

I said, “You don’t know how it feels to be so small when I’m around my sisters or the other cheerleaders.”

“So that was what you were talking about?”

Sierra said, “We could probably talk all night, but we should get to sleep you girl have a long day tomorrow.”

I didn’t wake up until 8:00 and both Sharon, a captain, and Anne my closest friend were there to make sure I was alright. Word was I wasn’t to do any of the hard stunts but to bellow out my cheers as Dort and be precise in what I did.

I asked Anne if it was okay if I used pushups in my bra, to which she only smiled. My breast form is not big and the pushup didn’t make that much of a difference.

When we went to eat an early lunch, we saw Jaylene Fox and decided to sit with her and her daughter. Jaylene’s pregnancy was now showing and she had to wait until lunchtime not to be bothered by morning sickness. Heather being more active chose me to sit with. She and I shared my eggs, bacon and American fried potatoes.

It was an interesting time as three girls and one boy came up to me as Dort and wanted my autograph. Another boy was asked to leave as he got mouthy. And with Heather there, Shannon was the first to stop him. Security was soon there.

The good news at the table was Jaylene’s from her husband and the ship. They were having fair weather so the trip back was on schedule.

Jaylene kind of giggled, “It was cute talking to him. He was uncomfortable asking about your injuries even though he knows you’re really Robb. But he wishes you well along with a number of the other guys.”

They were continuing to talk when I got up and walked with Heather over to a big fish aquarium. Soon there was a college guy showing another toddler the aquarium. I found myself thinking he was cute but happy that he already had a child and thus someone he cared for. A woman with a coach’s blouse on, came and turned to me and said, “Don’t worry the toddler’s mine.” I tried saying, I wasn’t thinking anything, but she said, “Yes, I could see it in your eyes, but it’s alright. Root for us and we’ll root for you and then we’ll both be here another day. We’re a 3-A team so we aren’t going to meet on the court.” She turned, “Travis, this is Rose, she’s one of the cheerleaders with that Destroyer team.” And then they left.

I went and got dressed as Dort and up to the floor with the rest of the cheer team. We went down to a meeting room that was big enough for doing our routines with jumps and running. We had made our team bags ahead of the tournament and were happy on how well they’ve been received by the players and coaches. But there are always things one wants to add.

It was a half-hour before the game when Trish came hurrying out of their changing area. “I doubt if you do, but I’ll ask anyway. Do you have extra tampons, shields or pads?”

“I don’t mean to embarrass anyone but I have three of each. Which do you want?” Trish took all I had, as well as my over the counter medication. She gave me a kiss on the cheek, “Thanks and please don’t tell anyone.”

When they came out for their first set warmups, they were on a side court out of sight from others. They were not at their best, but fifteen minutes huddled back in the locker room. They were altogether a different team. Hearing them on the bench I knew at least four were suffering.

They were playing a parochial team up near Phillipsburg. They were the #3 seed team. I didn’t think it was kosher as they actually recruited some of their players. But Coach Daley had used some taller boys in practices during February to replicate some of the challenges our girls would face.

I was in the locker-room when Coach gave her last pep talk before taking them out. “You up against your toughest opponent to date. This will determine whether you get to play for the State Championship. No excuses, play your best and don’t give up, and you’ll be playing for #1 tomorrow night. You are a great team, now go out and play that way.”

Once again they patted me on their way out. I grabbed my flags and followed them. The first dozen minutes of the game, it felt like everything was going against them. They were eight points down and felt like it should have been more. But they did hustle to keep themselves that close. Trish had missed three shots before she took her first three-point shot and as they say, ‘nothing but net’.

The Kristin Hadley seemed to be beaten when an opponent rushed passed her, but she in fact taped the ball on the dribble. She retrieved her own steal and took it in for an easy basket. From then on the game was back and forth they fell behind by five points once more the first half.

There was a point with five minutes to go in the first half that Coach Daley asked if the Cheer team had anything that could give an extra minute or two at the next time out. Both cheer teams were out in front of their fans the next time out and I got Sandra and Sharon to agree to challenge the other cheer team’s best. I started it as I wasn’t at my best. I did a forward flip and then a high backward flip. Their member met the challenge. Their second person went first and quickly did a forward and backward flip standing in place. Sharon took time to concentrate but seemed to have it out of sequence when she did the backward flip and then the forward flip, but she wasn’t done and did one more backward flip. Finally, Sandra and their cheerleader with the same name started at the same time. A running cartwheel, two flips and both did leg splits. The crowd cheered we clapped for each other and thanked the officials for giving us the time.

Coach thanked me when I went to sit down. Seven of the next ten shots were for three points and our team made six of them and two of three regular shots. The momentum had swung our way and we had a five-point lead going into halftime.

We were sure that our team now was in control of the game, but the third quarter was drastically different as they scored twenty-four point to our team’s twelve before. Kaylea had strained her a muscle in her leg and was now limping. Kristin Hadley was in foul trouble. An errant throw had the ball going out of bounds when Jenn came running in my direction to keep it in play by throwing it back on her way out.

Something reminded me that Coach Daley’s little girl was behind me. I reached behind me to pull young Casey up into my arms. Jen was able to throw the ball back in bounds and run two rows into the stands before she safely stopped. Her left foot would have stepped on Casey, resulting in a hurt little girl and maybe Jenn twisting her ankle or worst.

Trish had caught her throw and threw it over to Kaylea who made a basket and was fouled in doing so.

Despite trying to mount a comeback we dropped to ten points behind as the Knights played just as hard and seemed to have all the breaks. If Kaylea or Kristin either had another foul they would be out of the game. But Coach said, “We don’t have the luxury of not playing them. They and everyone else needs to play their best quarter of the year to mount a comeback and win. I believe you have it in you! Now get out there press the Knights, take their game away and we’ll do it together!”

I decided to leave my traditional spot next to the team and to go with the rest of the Cheer Team. Little Marie Trullo came running out of the court toward me. Something told me to tumble over Marie and I grabbed her as I came back up and raised her high above me. I was pumped up and handing Marie back to her mother. I did a series of backward flips. I learned after the game I had done five in a row. And on the last one came up bouncing and cheering. Somehow it excited our fans to become what we call the sixth woman on the court. The full court press caused the Knights to turn over the ball and our team was finally hitting their shots.

The Knights continued to play a great game but were worried as the lead dwindled down. As well as they played, we were only behind them by three points and Kristin Hadley had slapped a Knight pass away. She ran for the ball and we thought she had it. A referee instead called her for a foul. It meant she was out of the game and their best player got to shoot a foul shot and making it would have another shot.

Her shot hit the rim and bounced out. It was hit by a number of players as it came down. Kaylea finally dribbles it out of the pile as I saw Jenn. My voice roared “Jenn down court on left side!” Kaylea spotted her and threw the ball perfectly to her as she went for the basket.

A time-out was called by the other team and Kaylea fell to the floor near to me. “Please hurry and massage my leg.” I had done so a number of times for her after practice, but never in front of others or during a game. I was kneading one muscle, in particular, to get a knot to let go. I did so and then grabbed hold of it and then let go. Sometimes the muscle there or one in the shoulder would loosen. If it worked, Kaylea would usually give me a kiss, often on the lips. As I was ready to let go, I said, “No kiss.” She got up kissed me on the cheek and walked back to the team as the buzzer for the end of the time-out sounded.

I could tell Coach asked her, “Are you good?” The Coach calling back Madi Thoms, I knew the answer was yes. As good as Kaylea is on offense she is exceptional on defense. There was an opponent Carrie, their go too scorer, and Kaylea shooed away Jenn to play against her. Carrie tried first to force Kaylea to foul her, but Kaylea was better and by the time Carrie realized she wasn’t getting a foul called. She was pressed to take a desperation shot. She tried to lean into Kaylea but Kaylea stepped back and jumped to block Carrie’s attempt.

Our team rebounded the shot and played to take time off the clock. With five seconds left to shoot, Kaylea instead of taking a shot, passed it back to Jenn who took a 3 point shot that went in. It was now a four-point game with fifty seconds on the clock. Many teams might have pulled their players back to make sure they didn’t foul. Coach Daley told her players to stay on defense. With twenty seconds gone Carrie took a shot that bounced out and though she helped get a rebound and they did score there was now only fifteen seconds left. This time Erin Se was the person to throw the ball in and the Knights were pressing tightly.

This would have been a great time to have Kristian as she was the senior who best took the pressure. Erin with time running out threw the ball to Thyme Daley she was quickly fouled. She was good but not an experienced player. She was ready to take her first shot when their coach called their last time out. She needed one basket to give us a three-point lead and make both baskets to give us a four-point lead.

Everyone was ready for the first shot again and Thyme’s shot rolled around the rim before falling in. Her second shot hit the rim and bounced twice before bouncing away. Their player was coming down with the ball when Kaylea slapped it away and took it for a quick score. It was all over with their last desperate shot.

I thought the hard part for the day was over and we could celebrate.

What I didn’t know about was then revealed. Our Cheer Coach, Coach House was being interviewed off to the side and she was shown a copy of the Atlantic City Sentinel. No one had told me about an article about me not being a true cheerleader. Well, I knew I wasn’t the regular cheerleader. But it hurt that I was once again being made fun of and criticized this time publicly.

I guess several cheerleading coaches had gone on record saying I wouldn’t have made their team, and I was only a public relations goof that poorly got the press. The Coach was honest that I had not made the team the normal way. That, in fact, I wasn’t ever too had been a cheerleader on the court, but behind the scenes.

Most of it I knew; I was a big goof was before I was forced via punishment to be part of the Cheer Team. But I had worked hard and first became the mascot. Then my gymnastics though at first not graceful, had in the end added to the dynamics of the team. Thankfully Sandra and Sharon did as many or more gymnastic moves as me.

I guess there were a tabloid and internet sources that likened me to a gilding because my manhood was so well hidden away. I had wandered as close as ten feet when Coach House saw me and that I was tearful.

She was then asked if I would be part of their team, next year. She began to say ‘No’. She realized that nothing had been mentioned.

I spoke up, saying, “That question should have been asked of me. No, I am not a regular cheerleader, I am not a girl, but I have done my darnest to get as good as I could. I am not a freak. If I tried to be a cheerleader next year I would have to try the normal way with tryouts. I have paid my dues and I am proud of that. If it detracts from our team, I am sorry. If the Coach or School wants me to sit out tomorrow, I would.” With that, I turn and try to walk away

The reporter turns away from Coach House and walks to me asking me to turn around. She introduced herself and asked, “Should I address you as Dort or Rose? You are not the regular cheerleader, but for a boy, you have made yourself a very passable girl. Is that not highly unusual and a little odd for a high school boy? I have heard that right now you would even have more trouble talking in your regular boy voice. Is that true? You have cheered your heart out for your team like any girl cheerleader in the state.”

I try to step away, but I can’t. “I am sorry but I didn’t know of this article and I haven’t considered that I won’t be a cheerleader. It was just hard hearing others being asked about it?” Anne, Sandra, and Sharon were now surrounding me. I knew I was not alone and had their support.

Sandra spoke up, “I guess since the last of last year, she was becoming one of us. And when that finally happened I’m not sure, but I suspect since then no one has tried harder. We have gotten here as a team and we’re staying a team. For the complete journey. I guess that should be sufficient.”

The reporter said, thank you and we walked away.

I both needed to pee and to get away from the public. Sharon escorted me into a women’s room. Once done with that. I was surprised to see I still had my purse and makeup. I cleaned off what was messed up and was simple in redoing my makeup.

Coming out of the women’s restroom I was surprised to have one of the Knight’s cheerleaders meet me. “We heard someone gave you a hard time. We wanted you to know that you have our respect.”

Two other cheerleaders came up to us to give their support. One from West Warren asked us to sit with her and talk. I was again being reminded that for the most part, my experience was good and that I probably had an unusual amount of support.

Sierra and Shannon decided along with Anne and Therese, we would go to another nearby restaurant for our evening meal. There was music as we ate and it made for a relaxing dinner.

Shannon said, “Rose, I think there’s someone who wants to talk to you.” I turned in the direction she indicated and there was Travis from earlier in the day.

Travis said hello and I could not help returning a smile and saying hello back. I could tell he was nervous so I asked him to sit a moment. He hemmed and hummed before getting the nerve to say, “I was wondering if it would be okay to take a walk and talk to you?”

I said, “Actually, I am a little nervous about going off with a guy right now. But if you’d walk me to the dance area we could slow dance and talk a little.”

He offered me his hand, saying, “I was afraid you’d think that was silly coming from a guy.”

“I’m really not sure what others might make of it, but I danced with a guy named Brad who had taken to protecting me around our school. I’m afraid people are now presuming I’m more Rose.”

He said, as we turned to face each other on the dance floor, “I was hoping that. I see you as Rose. You do so well as a girl.”

We had a good time as we danced for a good while. I’d admit to being confused about having feelings for him. However, right now I just wanted to enjoy myself. I was doing that.

His sister the Shelly, women’s coach at North Mountain, was visiting with my sisters. Their team had lost in a double overtime heartbreaker. She had come to check on her brother.

Back where we had been eating I checked my messages and the Cheer team would be working late into the night. Coach House wanted our surprises for the girl basketball player and their door decorated by 6:00 a.m. I went to give Travis a hug and say thanks, but he turned it into a kiss. I kind of melted in his arms until I finally pushed away and left without looking back. I knew my sisters would want to say something.

To be continued…

Shelly asked Shannon, “Does Rose identify herself as transgender?”

“That would be for Rose to say,” said Shannon, “and not me, but I’ve never heard Rose or Rob say that.”

Shelly said, “My brother, Travis says he sees her totally as a girl and likes her.”

Travis, bewildered by the kiss and Rose’s quick departure, turned from the others to hide his response to her affection.

Rose had scooted off to the hotel; first to change to clothes she used when dealing with markers, glitter, and glue. Like the tournament earlier in the year, when they got to the championship game others began donating money and things to make the morning package extra nice and encouraging. They also had items for after the game. Some things were, win or lose, and other gifts were like for a free salon visit, or all day pampering if they won the 2A Championship.

I had packed enough things to stay overnight in the Cheer room.

Coach House apologized for at least the third time about getting roped into the interview about me. I knew she was sorry and feeling bad about it. I just didn’t want to hear another apology about it. I gave her a hug and said, “Enough please, we need to move on and focus on today.” I stepped to work away from her.

Someone had made game jerseys for oversized dolls that someone purchased. The jerseys had the player’s name and number with 2019 under their name. There were shorts that kind of match to make it a uniform. Rolled up in the dolls hands were at least one certificate for each player. Other things were simple memory books, while a mom might use them, today’s high school girl saves photos on her phone or might download them to pictures. Many gifts weren’t asked for nor were people told to give them to us.

We had shirts and caps for each girl with champions on one and undefeated and their record on the other. They went into a special box. Sandra or Sharon would make sure they were ready at half-time of the championship game.

I was up until 3:00 a.m. making and taping signs on to the doors of our team, near the elevator and for dozens available to fans later at the basketball arena. I was invited to several of their rooms but knew I dared not go to any of them to sleep. The floor was hard in the prep area and it was closer to 3:30 a.m. when I made it back to my room. I went to open the door to go in and saw the flash of several cameras taking pictures.

Being Rose, I had to yet take off the makeup that had stayed on, showered and then moisturized my skin. Sometimes, I had tired of things like that, today it was a sign that I truly was one of them.

I woke up three hours after falling asleep, and Sierra encouraged me to sleep more. I tried, but finally, it was easier to get up and get ready for the day. It was eight o’clock when I got word to get to our van out front of the resort to go to the Coast Guard Station. I had a nervous feeling of what I hoped was good news, but wouldn’t allow myself to believe it. I had on the basics of Dort’s uniform and my cross trainers. Sharon, Sandra, Anne, Jessica, and Audrey had made to the van with Coach Alexi House driving. It was about a mile to the Coast Guard station. It was a brochure with our team’s picture and names that Coach House used to clear us to enter. Word was a Coast Guard ship had entered the inlet and would soon be turning and be in sight of the station. Three from the Cook crew were soon in view: Kara Bowen, Debra Triens, and Kara Duggan were all visibly smiling and waving.

Their faces had been etched into our minds, but each was a little different. Just as we were to greet them, I received a text from my dad. He said, “Their special duty is the difference. They cannot talk about it, but you can tell them how proud you are of them. Shannon says, ‘hold them in a hug if they are comfortable with that. They will understand, and they’ll appreciate what you’re trying to convey.”

I show my phone first to Sharon, her short comment, “Helpful, show the others.”

It was a joy for them and our appreciation brought long drawn out hugs. Debra and I especially seemed to have chemistry saying volumes. She whispered, “We appreciated your concern for the fish that sailed below us.”

With them and their gear, there was no room for all of us in the van. Everything stowed away, Debra and I were given permission to jog back to the hotel resort. Dort’s uniform did not provide much warmth for a morning jog, but Debra next to me provided more than enough. Many people walking between here to there took phone pictures. People recognizing Debra’s uniform extended salutations and thanks.

The reception at the hotel was warm and we took our time. Parents paid for a double room for the USS Cook crew. Lieutenant Fields sent her thoughts with others from the ship. Debra explained that Fields was acting commander up to the time of docking in Philadelphia. Those who came in through Atlantic City were part of a practice deployment. She said there were eight other crew members we did not see, who would have gotten off out of the sight of us greeting the women sailors.

Debra was up in our suite visiting when Shannon asked her if she and the others would like to stay with us.

Player Rosemary Ewers’ family were coming for the game, though they regularly could not afford to go to away games. It warmed our hearts when we found out money from the crew of the USS Cook made their travel and an overnight stay possible for her parents and brothers and sister.

There were many fans who had left with a defeated team, and many coming for the championship games for five class championship games tonight and tomorrow.
I was especially happy for my sister Sonja and other girls in the senior class. It was exciting and be the highlight of their graduation year.

We gathered to eat at lunchtime but most of us did not feel like eating much. My stomach was too nervous to handle much food.

Debra took me back to our rooms, wanting to talk to me. “Rose, you spoke about our change but what about you? There is less of Rob Anderson, are you happy with that?”

I said, “The change had been gradual. I took some over the counter prenatal vitamins and I’m on my fourth disc of the other pills. I was caught and agreed to stop. But I’ve continued through the tournament.”

She said, “That means you’ve taken your last pill yesterday or today.”

I could only say, “Could you please hug me like a sister and not ask?” She did and we talked. I had to shower and change into my last uniform of Dort’s. Debra stayed one room away and we talked through an open door until I was in the shower.

“Your sister Sierra and I have communicated, we both officially hope you will go back to being Robert. There is another part that sees you enjoying being Rose.” Debra handed me the big towel to wrap around me before I stepped out and I dried off.

I felt like a younger girl in her presence but liked that she was there. We heard someone enter the suite and then heard Sierra calling to me. “Rose are you getting ready again. Are you happy that the crew’s here…” She stopped in mid-sentence when she realized Deb was there.

Sierra thought before saying, “Yes, our sister likes being a girl among those she likes and respects. Besides she’s just too excited today.”

Debra said, “How do you see the chances of the Destroyers winning tonight, and having an undefeated season?”

Sierra, who was a basketball player, said, “They’ve become more comfortable as the tournament has progressed. They’re from the smallest school in their class and their opponent sees that in their favor. It might be a close game, but I see the Destroyers as the favored team to win.”

Debra said, “The news people here don’t seem to see it that way.”

Sierra smiled, “This will be the third time they’re wrong. The media in North Jersey and including New York City have become believers. Most of them have the Destroyers favor by 5-7 points.”

Sierra then asked, “Is there any chance that Lieutenant Fields will be surprising us by game time?” Debra became silent and then walked away. Sierra told me, I got the same response from Kayla. Please do not tell anyone. Let it be a surprise if it happens and not a disappointment if it doesn’t.” I gave my sister a hug as I thought that was a smart idea that I probably wouldn’t have thought of.

Debra said, “I do have a package for you from Fields.” I opened it and found a dress coat that a sailor might wear. “We guessed at the size in the thought that you had lost some weight, so it might be snug, too tight or just right.”

I hurriedly tried it on and delightfully found it a nice snug fit and flexible for all what I might do. It was like a dress blue jacket, but enough missing that it was not official. Deb said, “We’d be proud if you would wear it for the game.” There was an insignia that indicated I would be a petty officer 2nd class. I giggled, “How did I get the promotion?”

Debra said, “It is for you as a team, for your support to us when it was important. Someone from the Navy may or may not be in touch with your school sometime.”

I joked, “That sounds serious.”

Debra stepped back and saluted me, “It’s serious, and it will be a question if we should acknowledge what was done. Even you don’t know its significance. Sometime Principal Evans will hear that the connection made a difference.”

Coach Daley allowed her team and people from USS Cook a short time together but abruptly ended and told the players, “Okay, you now turn your focus on the game. You will do them and all your fans and family proud by thinking of the exciting game ahead.”

I took that time to kick up my leg and begin a cheer for them. There were the crew members, us, and a few others that cheered the team to wherever Coach was taking them. Debra smiled as she whispered, “I hope your panty shield is just added protection to hide something and that things haven’t yet gotten that far for you.”

She waited and asked, when my family was with us, “Are you going to continue to be Rose and Dorothy until you greet our ship again? That should be in a month or so, not too long. It could be until just after Easter, but you as Dort are definitely part of this year’s connection.”

My Father spoke saying, “We might let Robert do it. It has not been decided. We thought that was more for your support to the teams, like the softball season coming up.”

I was glad when Sierra and Shannon spoke up. “Dad, you know how hard Rose worked for all of this. It would be harder if she went completely back to being Rob. Some of the time between now and Rose really needs to be in girl mode.”

Sonja said, “You’re probably just afraid she’ll want some spring clothes and maybe an Easter outfit. But I think that would be great.”

Dad firmly said, “Someone spoke about him going to the prom with a guy and now you’re talking about Easter and the Ship; I don’t think so.”

My sisters, the crew, and I all looked to my mother and everyone became silent.

One could tell she was struggling, “Dear, I feel a need to side with our daughters on this.” Dad asked about the added time and the danger I was becoming a girl. Mom said, “If she is a girl, we might want to find that out now and not move back and forth like a yoyo. That wouldn’t be healthy for Rob nor Rose.”

Sierra bounced over to me and gave me a hug. Debra and Shannon both came to me and said, “You just got wonderful news, but like the basketball players you need to focus.” I gave everyone there a hug and went to the Spirit Room where I was sure the Cheer team would be.

When I arrived there, everyone was getting excited about the game and we wanted to run through each cheer at least once more. When we accomplished that and a few other things Coach House wanted all of us to do. Audrene Trullo took me through a voice exercise and two exercises I needed to help me move gracefully like any female cheerleader.

I got upset that it was thought I needed to still be doing them. Sharon and Sandra spoke nicely but firmly for me to change my attitude. “Each of us has things we need to do. You should be proud that you too are unique enough and people are there to help you. This is the pinnacle of our season, you’ve done so well.” Sharon knew I had heard enough and stepped up and gave me a hug.

Coach House informed me on our way to the arena that there are four of the unique girls from the Trenton area wanting to say hello as we went over to the arena. There ended up being seven. Their appearance had improved so much I needed to identify two of their mothers before I was sure who they were. One boy was there in his regular clothes. He assured me that the others weren’t being forced to do it. He said, “Maxie and I don’t dress as often as we did, though we still like to do it some of the time.”

There were seven of our football guys sitting behind the cheerleaders. They had the rope from the USS Cook. We the cheerleaders we claiming our end of the court and teaching cheers to those sitting on our side of the court. We had our eight-foot hoop all ready for the team to run through and break the picture of the Destroyer when they came out for the beginning of the game.

There were so many things that the cheerleaders always did that are now natural for me. There are three of us who hold the hoop, two who first greet the team as they come out and the rest of us after they smash through the hoop. Connie and Jayne, who regularly work behind the scene with me were even in full uniform.

I unfurl the team flag and go over to sit in my traditional spot next to the basketball team. It was now 6:00 p.m., “Game Time”! I am out to greet the starting five as they are introduced. I am holding the flag and do a flip in the air without disturbing the flag. It was something new for me and might not seem special to anyone else.

Ocean City our opponent had been the proverbial pain in the butt for the boys’ team when they got to the state playoffs. This was the first time for us playing for the girls’ championship. Once again Ocean City was our rival. They had lost two games during the season but had more experienced players with playoff experience. And once again the Destroyers were rated by some as the underdogs for the game.

The teams were called out to the court for the tipoff, but there was mild applause growing to an ovation from our fans and the Cook crew. It was Lieutenant Fields coming out at the edge of the court. A place had been saved by Principal Evans

One basketball official saw her and asked out loud, “Why she didn’t you get out sooner, or wait to enter or go find a seat less conspicuous?”

She calmly smiled saying, “I’m sorry but I hadn’t heard the National Anthem so I thought I had time to get into position to sing it...”

Even doing the same cheers was more exciting because we’re playing the 2A - State Championship game. A basketball official chiding Lieutenant Fields caught everyone by surprise as did her answer about singing the National Anthem. He tried to cover the mistake by saying, the National Anthem was to be sung between games.

Unfortunately for him, the head official acknowledged they made a mistake. The National Anthem was usually sung at the beginning of the morning, then the afternoon session as well as before the evening session.

With the American Legion Color Guard marching out on to the floor with the four Navy women, two other sailors and two marines in uniform. The saying of the Pledge of Allegiance and singing the National Anthem became very special to everyone in the arena. With my uniform, I was conspicuously nervous as I came to attention and saluting. I knew I was neither official nor anyone special. But being in an abbreviated uniform I suspected my father and other servicemen and veterans might be watching me.

Going by my father’s expression afterward, I figured he was pleased with how I handled myself. Sonja was standing next to my Father and she gave me a thumb’s up as well.

Our Cheer team traditionally stands until our team makes its first basket. The other team’s unusually tall center at 6’ 7” won the toss had they tried for the first basket but her shot was off.

We weren’t standing too long as Kaylea made her first basket from the corner for three points. It was an aggressively fast-paced played game by both teams. Besides the teams calling time outs, the officials called three extra timeouts in the first half. That kept us cheerleaders extra busy.

During one cheer someone in the stands yelled he could see my boy parts. One woman official first asked me, if that was possible. After I told her I had a gaff on that sealed away that possibility, she was comfortable. But then the senior official asked that she take me off the court and be sure. The game would go on without me. It was embarrassing to me as if I was showing it was now a woman who was checking me. Thankfully Audrene Trullo made herself available and went with me.

It took five minutes just to get to the locker room, time wot be checked with me moving in different directions and another five minutes to get back to the game.

While there were under two minutes to play in the first half. I was glad to see the Destroyers had a three-point lead and had the basketball. Our Kristin was on the bench as the Coach didn’t want her to pick up a third foul before halftime. Trish Dunlavy was also out of the game as the trainer had Trish’s shoe off and was retaping her ankle. That meant they were shy two starters as they were playing. When Aronia had the ball they tried pressuring her more, but Coach had this team experienced and playing well. Aronia instead of panicking drove for the basket and passed it off quickly to Jenn who took and swished a shot from beyond the three-point mark.

Quickly going on defense they were ready for the Cavaliers and kept them from scoring. With seven seconds to go, Coach Daley called a time out. I was delighted to get a chance to cheer again. Despite most knowing I had been taken off the court and checked the heckler was back at giving me a hard time, making accusations. I did the cheer including a flip and a tumble that exposed my underside. The Official stopped the game and asked for security to escort the heckler out of the arena.

I was happy as the Cavalier cheerleaders also clapped as he was being taken from his seat and out of the arena.

Back to the closing seconds of the first half it only took three seconds to get the ball up court to Kaylea. Instead of shooting a three-point shot she charged dribbling straight for the basket straight taking on their tall girl. Taking a step to her right, she shot with her hand away from the big player. A foul whistle sounded as the ball was on its way. With the shot going in, it made it a possible three-point play. It also gave the other player her third foul. While Kaylea missed the foul shot, yet we had an eight-point lead at half time.

Coach House gave us the halftime to greet Jennifer Fields properly

I was stunned when Lieutenant Fields said, “It looks like you have become more comfortable as Rose. But I want to ask you seriously to give added consideration to going back to being Robert Anderson after the season is over.”

She saw I was disheartened, but said, “If you decide later to be Rose, you need to know you gave being Rob full and proper consideration.” While I was happy that my Father was not around to hear what she said? I knew Jennifer was correct and I needed to decide how I was going to handle it. She and I would need to talk later.

Principal Evens sought to find me and she did. She wanted to ask and apologize about my being embarrassed by the accusation and the official checking me. She knew from Mrs. Trullo that I had been well mannered through the whole examination. She even joked, “You know if you had handled yourself as Rob nearly as well as you handle yourself as Rose none of this would ever have happened.”

I said, “I didn’t and I for one am glad I’ve learned this way.” I excused myself and got back to the court as the teams were warming up for the second half.

The game continued to be as exciting as anyone could ask. The Cavaliers cut the lead twice one to three points and another time to within two. The Destroyers played nine players while holding a seven-point lead with thirty seconds left. Kristin the only senior was on the court when Coach substituted for her. It gave us the opportunity to lead our fans in giving her a standing ovation.

I knew if it weren’t for being Dort, I would never have seen it as important to be there for Kristin or any girl.

When the waning seconds ticked off the clock and ended the game; I just stood there watching the other girls celebrate. Don’t take it wrong, I too would celebrate, but the players and the rest of the cheerleaders had waited and put in years of time. I was accepted as one of them, as evident with Jenn and Trisha both jumping into my arms. But I tremendously enjoyed just watching them. I felt like a younger girl watching the big girls.

I joined in with the other girls, students, and parents in celebrating with the players. The Championship Trophy was given to our team, only after the sportsmanship trophy was given to the Cavaliers along with the Second place trophy. I admit it was a little bit upset that we weren’t rewarded with the sportsmanship award. I wondered if I blemished our team’s chance by being on the team. Ann was nice enough to inform me that the award mort often went to the second, third or fourth place team.

When it was time to go back to the hotel and continue our celebration there; it was then I spotted Tim and his mother from the Trenton area group. I started to say thanks to Tim until I caught myself and said, “Tina and Mrs. Johnson, I am impressed that you stayed around. I am impressed with your dedication.”

Mrs. Johnson said, “Tim… Tina wanted to stay and express her admiration to you.”

Tina said, “I was impressed how well you handled yourself. I know it hurts when someone so rude heckles you from within the crowd.” She came to me and we hugged and her mother joined us. “I was glad when they stopped the game and had him kicked out of the arena. I wish I could be as strong as you.”

“Tina, you and the others are my inspiration. You are younger, I don’t believe I would have been as strong at your age. It still hurts now being older. I wanted to be as angry as Rob and go up into the stands after him and not let someone else handle it. I believe with all my heart I am a girl, Rose. Do you feel that way too?”

“If I’d let him,” his mother said. “With your help, maybe the time has come.” She opens her arms, “Tina, can you wait until summer break?” Tina broke down in her mother’s arms, "Yes most definitely I'm a girl."

I went up to the players' room, only to find out that someone reserved a conference room on the third floor as a reception area. The players were changing and getting ready to go down there. Aronia called me into another room and two other players and a trainer were there. She said, “Come in here, we were going to throw you into the locker room shower and drench you as we disrobed you. But we were afraid of the ramifications.”

Jenn and Madi had gotten a hold of me and were forcing me into the bathroom and shower. I pulled in Jenn, but she didn’t mind as she had unbuttoned my blouse and was loosening my skirt until it dropped. Aronia had already said it, now it was Jenn’s turn, “You are not only one of the Cheer team but you’re one of us.” She said, “You being on our side of the court, endeared you to us unlike any other cheerleader in memory.” My panties and bra were now drenched and my panty soon dropped down.

“Shucks, we thought your boyhood was showing.” Jenn had a champion T-shirt on which now was soaked through. She gave me a hug and a big kiss, “Boy or girl, I love you. I am so grateful you made the mistake you did. It brought the better side out in you.”

There was a large shower towel waiting to be wrapped around me as I stepped out. There I was patting myself dry with another towel until I was dry enough to scoot on a pair of panties. Jenn handed me a bra saying, “This should fit you, it’s my off-season bra, it is slightly bigger than I need right now.”

There was a knock on the door and Shannon was there with one of my outfits. I said, “You knew and didn’t warn me.”

Shannon said, “It was a girl moment. I wasn’t going to take it from you. So is this as you scoot a skirt up under your towel showing as little as possible.” When it came time for the top I turned away from them. But before I could get on my blouse one of the Champion tops was put on me.

=^_^=~

Shannon and I went down with the team, but getting off at the floor of the reception was troubling. Shadows of the night I was jumped invaded to me. Shannon took a hold of me, telling me time and again that I was alright and safe.

It was the first time in getting off this elevator that I saw a picture across from the elevator. I saw it that night, and it was the catalyst to set me off now. Sonja had come out of the reception and at Shannon’s request took the picture down and put it out of sight. It was a while before I was ready to go into the reception. By that time Sharon, Anne and Therese were with my sisters and me.

Audrene Trullo and little Marie were soon with me. Audrene cuddled me on a couch and Marie was on the other side with her small voice saying, “You’ll be alright. My Mommy and your sisters will protect you.”

Audrene said, “Please let the warm memories and thoughts come to mind. These days have seen so much that has bad, happen to you. You didn’t let that stop you, you put your heart and soul into this; let it give birth to joy, not sorrow.”

Coming from Audrene in her eighth month, 'give birth', wasn’t lost on me. I smiled, brought Marie fully into my arms and gave her a big hug. I was soon back with the others in the celebration. I was taking pictures with my phone and getting pictures with me in them as well.

It was soon announced that Kaylea and Kristin were named to the All Tournament’s first team. Jenn and others would be named to the second team or honorable mention. I automatically kicked up one leg and cheered jumping up and down.

It was Coach Daley that asked, “Which of you cheerleaders can do flips or cartwheels from one end of the conference room to the other?” It wasn’t that big of a deal, especially doing cartwheels, but with regular shoes, skirt, and top, they could be a challenge. Sharon and then Sandra both of them made it halfway doing flips and cartwheels the remainder of the way. Like Jenn, I made two forward flips and then I did one backward flip and continued the rest doing cartwheels.

Brady Thomas was at the end clapping and ready to give me a hug. I wasn’t any too happy that I felt comfort in the protection of Brad's arms, but I did find it comforting.

We were together for a while before he asked me, “If you can dress as Rose, would you allow me to take you to the Prom?” There wasn’t a question if I wanted to go to the Prom.

“Brad for real, are you asking me to the prom? …Yes, I’d love too.” Either I raised my voice or others were listening too closely as those around me congratulated me.

Come morning, I was awake early with my sisters. They were going downstairs to have breakfast with our parents and I decided to go with them. I was surprised about going up to my Mother and Father and giving them hugs.

I was surprised as any hearing myself speak, “Dad, we have some real problems to work through. You embarrass me as well, but I still find myself so proud to be your daughter/child.”

Dad said, “You meant daughter, stick with that for now. I too am proud of you and your sisters. I guess you don’t think I say that enough. Right now let’s enjoy breakfast and today.”

To be continued…

It was like old times, eating out for breakfast and talking about the day before. That was with one big exception: it used to be that I didn’t say much as I was either listening to my parents and others or it was my sisters talking away. I used to eat sitting in the middle of my sisters while they were talking about their girlfriends, boys they had seen, or fashion and makeup. All those things used to be yuck to me.

Today not only do I like that talk but I am in the middle of it. Sonja asked, “Are you happy that Brad Thomas has asked you to the prom?” That wasn’t to be part of this morning’s discussion. Now, quickly everyone turned to see what my Dad would say.

But it was Mom who spoke up, “Please tell me that it’s the idea of wearing a beautiful gown and not the idea that you’re crazy for this boy Brady?”

I said, “Yes, the big thing is the chance to go with my friends as we all go look for prom dresses. I remember going with you when I was younger and watching Shannon and then all my sisters get all excited. And then how beautiful they were and all the fuss made about them going to the prom. I never thought I’d ever get the chance to feel like that.”

Our Father finally spoke up, he said, “Don’t get too excited, because you haven’t yet been given permission to go or to look for a gown. I am not going to make any decision in the heat of these days. I can promise you that I won’t make a decision until Wednesday at the earliest so don’t bring it up before then, or else.”

Shannon squeezed my hand underneath the table. She faintly says, “He’s at least considering it.”

When we went back to our suite, my mother came with us while my father went to their room. We got onto our floor and were making our way to our room and Audrene Trullo was there with my best sailor uniform. It had already been laundered, with all the wrinkles out.

My mother asked, “Why did you do that? I thought the cheerleaders could go back just in their celebration shirts.”

“I’m her decorum coach, I was happy to do it. And no the cheerleaders will be in uniform by the time they get to where the fire trucks meet us. I think they will be on the first truck and act as escort for the members of the team into town.”

Mom said, “I guess, we were hoping not that there not be much fuss about Dort being present.”

A little color came to Audrene’s face as I’m sure it did mine. But it was Audrene who spoke up, “Well, I guess you should have spoken up for Robert early on. Before he made the effort to go along with all this. Rose has earned the right to be as beautiful as she can today.”

Audrene came to me, gave me a hug, and said, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have spoken up. I am however very proud of you.”

I, and as I said it, my sisters spoke up in agreement. “Audrene, you were wonderful in doing all this and your words expressed my sentiments too” Shannon had opened the door to our suite and we all went in.

Mom did apologize and thanked Audrene. “I should thank you for all the help you’ve been for Rob, um Rose. It was insightful to hear your perspective. I am reluctant to accept some things, but hopefully, I’m open to making some progress.”

Audrene excused herself, “I need to get back; Nick is watching Marie. She wanted to come to see you but it was too much for me to handle the outfit and her as well.”

I noticed not only how nice the outfit was looking but that Audrene or someone had put on the rank symbol of being Chief Petty Officer.

Shannon suggested that I wear a pair of white tights and wear a regular coat when we were to first get on the firetruck. “You are going to be up either outside the truck or someplace with a wide open window and you hanging out. You will need to deal with the cold and freezing your buns off long enough.”

I liked her thinking, I wouldn’t have thought of the tights nor the coat until it was too late.

I got dressed, gave my luggage to my sisters and then made my way to the Spirit team. We, the Spirit team, had things to load on the bus, to give to the team in route to the school. There were several pictures and even a poster of the team as champs.

The bus going back was much better than a school bus or even the normal bus for school events.

We got a sendoff at the hotel and then a convoy of vehicles following or leading out bus. The basketball players had an air about themselves that they were special. A cheerleader walking to in the aisle was subject to being pulled into a seat with one of the players. They joked and gave us a hug and kiss us like we were an added perk of their championship.

Coach Daley did speak up come halfway into the trip home. “Okay, we’re going to stop so you don’t need to use that small toilet back there. Stretch your legs and get a snack if you wish. I want you back on good behavior and when we get going treat the Spirit Team with the respect they deserve. They’ve been with you through this long season and deserve better.”

Trish Dunlavy said to me, “I don’t think any of us meant to be disrespectful. I like you a lot and my affection came from my heart.” I wanted to say, ‘It would have been good to say that upfront and given me the option of how I might show…’ Well whatever, I’m hopeful it was over and done.

I had not ever been around popular people or people at school that had done anything special to know if what happened was normal. I didn’t know if it was the guy in me or being Rose, but snuggling and a little foreplay felt okay by me. Trish is in good shape and the soft anatomy of another girl was nice. ‘Another girl,’ hmm. I really do see myself as a girl now.

There was a large parking lot that we stopped at, of a company that had gone out of business, so no one was using it. The firetrucks, two police cars and a large limo with School Board Members were there to help lead us into town. A County Sheriff’s vehicle and a State Trooper were also escorting us as we were still outside the town limits. It was there that Lieutenant Fields and two sailors got out of the limo, and went to be with the team. While Debra Triens and Kayla Bowen came over to the fire engine we were to ride in.

Mr. Riley the Fire Chief called me to get in the cab and to poke myself through the roof to greet people from there along with Debra Triens. He was a family friend and seemingly appreciated how well I have handled myself. He said, “I hope you don’t mind my saying it, but you’ve become a more attractive girl as the season progressed. I remember watching one of my daughters changing as she grew from a girl to a young woman. You remind me of then.”

I said, “Thanks, it was strange at first. Then I decided to just relax and go along with things and accept them. It is nice to have people like you who are supportive.”

There were people at the edge of town: some on their front steps, along the side of the street, and others in cars ready to join the caravan. Some said we’re to go to city hall first and be greeted by the mayor and city council; others said we’re to go directly to the school. Some said the city officials in the limo were going to give recognition to crew from the USS Cook as well as the Destroyer Basketball team.

We passed two churches and we could hear them ringing their church bells. They were joined by Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts, children in the play area of a preschool. A number of semi-trucks parked along the road blew their air horns.

It was unbelievable as it took three times as long to get wherever we were going. We did stop at City Hall and the presentations to the team and to the crew made us a half hour late in getting to the school.

By now I was eternally grateful to have on the tights and white mittens that someone thought ahead to have for us. Fire Chief Riley told me they were from the fire department.

Every now and then Deb Triens told me a tidbit of their adventure. With each time I would hug her and come close to tears. She wasn’t able to tell me what had exactly happened other than it came close to open conflict.

There I am so excited for our basketball team and in awe of what the crew of the USS Cook had gone through. Deb said that being with us gave them the freedom to celebrate and release their pent-up emotion. She asked me, “Do you celebrate at the end of a day, in getting out of your uniform and girl clothes?”

My answer was, “Rarely, after the first ten days. More and more I came to hope I could sleep as Rose and continue to be this part of me.”

Debra asked, “Do you really think, she is part of you? When you came to our ship before we left, there were those who thought that might be the case. There were both a nurse and a psychiatrist both who thought you were already too girl-like.”

I said, “When I was really young. I used to wish I was one of the sisters. I didn’t think of that until after I began to like being in Dort’s uniform and my clothes as Rose. That became hard when I felt wrong in liking it. I didn’t want to be a sissy or a girly boy. I got called things like that until Sharon and Ann became stronger in their support for me. But it started earlier when Therese and then Trish Dunlavy around Christmas.”

The siren blasted again and we were back on our way to the School. Everything there was so loud and we, the cheerleaders, were behind most of it.

We each received a copy of the Courier News, a regional newspaper’s sports’ headline celebrating. It made everyone proud.

Unfortunately, a reporter had asked a question concerning Coach Daley’s coaching salary. A school board member was being cited, “She is well paid for a woman’s coach as it is.”

The reporter stated in the article that Coach Daley was fifth from the top of the conference. When I pointed that out to Anne, she said, “Don’t you be the one to point that out.”

Fortunately for the day, everyone was centered on all the good news. I suspect most were excited and listening to all players. I wholeheartedly listened to Coach Daley; like when I sat at the end of the bench. Coach Daley spoke of the discipline and talent of the girls that translated on and off the court all season.

I spoke loud enough, wanting Trish and Jenn to hear me. I said, “And what Coach Daley taught rubbed off on this cheerleader.” Coach heard my comment, paused and then said. “We cannot know for sure, but the players and the coaches believe our cheerleaders helped us to get up for game after game. The Cheerleaders and our mascot ‘Dort the Destroyer’ helped to bring our team to the attention of others. We even heard from newspapers and sports people who had not given us attention before. Our basketball players won a state championship, but the School and community have also been shown in a good light.”

The proceedings continued on and I was getting nervous as I needed to pee. I was about to run to a restroom, but then I heard someone say, “We heard time and again how wonderful our cheerleaders are and about their gymnastics. But we as a team could never relax and fully enjoy them. We would love to hear and enjoy a few cheers and then have them show off their gymnastic capabilities. Sharon and Sandra the co-captains said, “We would be happy to do it as the pressure of the state playoffs was now off.”

I growled inside, “Why didn’t they tell the rest of us?”

Anne saw my expression and asked, “Is there a problem?”

When I told her I needed to pee she giggled and then asked, “How good is your pad?” She then said, “Don’t panic if some dribbles out the pad will hold it. If you don’t panic you’ll make it. Afterward, if you need to run for relief, tell people later you got sick. We don’t tell them we needed to pee.”

I was glad that I was in only two of the three cheers. Given a microphone, Sandra said, “Sharon and I were happy that Coach House reintroduced this part of our cheering. We are happy to demonstrate what we can do. But since this is not only our last time but probably Rose’s as well; I want to ask Dort to hold nothing back. She had always done some of her best stuff during practice. That was so she didn’t show off.” Sharon, Sandy and I did the cheer of introducing each player, alternating our parts and adding the number of flips as we went along. My last time I did three flips, two backward, and a cartwheel ending in a split.

I was happy when I stood up and there was not a wet spot on the floor. I knew I had leaked onto the pad but wasn’t sure if that was all. TMI. Sharon asked, “We know Dort can do four flips but believe she can do more. Applaud and do not let up until she does five or more.”

I tried to wave it off but the fans got louder then. I went to the wall at the left and planed my tumbles and flips to start at the beginning of the platform. Earlier I would have run as hard as I could which made more all but impossible. I skipped a step before I began to run. The first two flips were the highest I ever did. The next two were good and for the last two, I transitioned to backflips and then eased down to a side to side leg split. After I stopped, I tumbled forward and stood up and hugged the other cheerleaders.

I was filled with sadness and pride that I was ending my career as a cheerleader. I knelt yoga style, buried my head and prayed the program moved on or ended. Soon the School Board President presented the Champion’s Trophy to the players who raised it up and show it off.

There was then a catered reception in the cafeteria including the area in front of it and people were also invited to spill over onto the school grounds.

The gym was emptying out but I stayed behind and visited. Coach House and Mrs. Trullo came and told me. “We hear you need to do something. We recommend you take the privacy of the girls’ locker room. When you’re finished, we’ll tell you how disposed of your sanitary napkin.”

I was walking with Audrene into the locker room and said, “You two were way too happy in telling me and mentioning it as a sanitary napkin, weren’t you?”

Audrene made a big joyous smile, “You’ll never know how happy it makes a woman to say that to you.” I haven’t had sex yet, but the relief was the best feeling I had yet had.

I was out of the locker room and had thanked Audrene for all of her help. And then asked how she was doing.

She apologized to me, “I hope I didn’t make things worse with you and your parents. But I thank you for asking about me. I think I’m doing well but I think I might be going sooner than later.”

“My doctor’s think from the development of the baby that I may be further along in my pregnancy. I was wondering if I end up going to the hospital early. Could you come and watch Maria until my sister or sister-in-law can get there. You know where everything is and Marie is certainly comfortable with you. It would be nice if it could be as Rose, but even Robert would work well.”

I am smiling as we get to the reception and there are still people greeting the players and going through the refreshment lines.

I am at a table visiting with people and Therese is there. She was anxious about something so I finally asked her. She said, “I wanted to wait to ask you, but I’ve waited twice and I heard someone might have already asked you. If you haven’t said yes or no. I want to ask you to consider going to the Prom with me. I’d be open whether it is as Rose or Robert. We have been friends for a long time, but I see you more than just a friend.” She leans over and gives me a kiss. She and I both liked it. Kissing someone else with lip-gloss on felt really nice to me.

“Yes, Brad Thomas asked me, and I’ll tell you as I had to tell him. I need permission from my father and he won’t give me an answer at least until Wednesday. I always liked you more too. But I never had the nerve to say it. I was sure I wasn’t special enough.”

There was background music playing and Therese asked me to please stand. She began to dance with me very slowly. We were off to one side and the song soon ended. Therese gave me a kiss and said, “Thank you. I just wanted you to have something to think about. I will leave you alone if you want.”

I saw Debra Triens and Lieut. Fields looking at me. I took Therese’s hand and walked over to them to introduce her. I was nicely surprised how informed Therese was about them, their ship and she even knew some things about their ordeal that I had not.

Debra Triens was impressed, but not about the same things. She later told me. “You know Therese is very mature and she cares a lot about you. I’m impressed by how many, girls especially, actually care about you and see you as a person. …Where I am from the people nice about people who are different are often two-faced, they say what they think they should to your face and something different when the person isn’t around.”

“People speak up for you when you’re not around. Therese saw Lieutenant Fields get a note before she spoke to you.”

I interrupted, “She didn’t speak to me today when was that?”

Debra said, “I shouldn’t have said anything, please don’t get Fields in trouble. But Therese and another girl saw it and talked to her directly. Someone higher up wants the ship’s relationship to be about the team and for you to be in the picture less.”

I said, “So what, that was the way it was always to be. That there are some people wanting to get tough on the community again is no surprise.”

Deb said, “No one’s going to come down on your community nor the school.”

“When I said my community, I meant my alphabet community. I’m no longer the boy who got punished to dress as a girl and just cooperated. They’re not as comfortable seeing me as a T-girl. I might not get officially invited to the visit to the ship, but they can’t take away from me what we achieved.” I’m speaking strong, but Deb knows I am starting to choke up with tears. I don’t want to cry.

She said, “Let me change the subject and ask about the inch you’ve grown since we put out to sea in December?”

I said, “Whoever told you that is pulling your leg.”

Debra said, “You lost a good inch and a half off your waist. I know you acknowledged that. I thought you’d have been proud that you’ve grown.” She now has me thinking. I am barely seventeen; it is possible I am still growing. She said, “It is mostly in your legs, you can’t tell me a girl can’t tell if she has longer, slimmer legs.”

Sierra was there, “She, he’s, been in denial the last three weeks, afraid that our Dad was going to put an end to all this for her. I don’t think she wants to go back to being Robert.”

“That’s not true!”

Sierra said, “I know a way to prove about you being taller. You and Sharon were the same height when you joined the cheer team.” She called Sharon over and instead of going back to back so others could judge. We went into the girls’ room.

I didn’t want to believe it but it appeared that I was at least a good inch taller than Sharon now. Sharon said, “We knew but didn’t want to say anything to disturb the girls’ team nor to hurt us as cheerleaders. This coming weekend there’s a cheerleaders contest with each group being rated. Mrs. Anderson has already given permission for Rose to still be Dort for us.”

Disturbed, I spoke up, “No she didn’t. She would have asked me.”

Sharon said, “I think she wanted to wait until tonight, not to take anything away from today. I thought you’d be happy.”

She changed the subject, “Easter comes early this year; I for once hoped to be the one to take you shopping for an Easter dress. I didn’t ask your mother yet, but my Mom’s willing to take us. She’d even pay for the dress. Anne told me you were looking at some while we were at the tournament.”

To be continued…

It was Sunday evening, and I was thinking about tomorrow at school. My parents were in the living room on the main floor, and I went to talk to with them. Sierra was with me which helped. “Daddy and Mom, I want your support to go to school tomorrow as Rose. I would like it if I could go to school for the rest of this year as Rose most of the time. Right now I am only asking for tomorrow because of the assembly.”

Dad said, “I was suspecting that you would be trying to push the limits and stay as Rose. You’ve asked about the prom, someone mentioned Easter and now you’re pushing for the school year. Is it your intention to remain as Rose forever?”

I was glad when Sierra spoke up, “Father, she didn’t ask for any of this. He was punished by making him be a girl so much of the time. It doesn’t surprise me there was the possibility that he’d like being a girl. You must admit Rob as Rose has done a lot of good things. His school work and studying have improved. Just look at his grades. He’s made many more friends and can explain himself better. I can’t believe you haven’t received compliments about him at your office or in the hospital.”

Mom said, “You know that’s true Honey. And not once have I heard you share that with him.”

Dad said, “He’s heard more compliments than I have. I just didn’t want to encourage him in what he was doing.”

“Dad, you didn’t compliment me as Rob. I appreciated your help in talking to the sailors and understanding their ways. Why couldn’t you do the same for me?”

He said, “Look, even now you look more like another daughter, not my son. What am I to think?”

I spoke right back, “Am I a daughter that you would be proud of if I was Sonja?”

“Yes, but that’s not the point; you’ve always been my son.”

I became defensive, “Yes and as your son, I got in trouble because I was bullied and you wouldn’t speak up for me. You spoke up for Lambert more than once when he got picked on. Why not me?”

“I was proud of you and as a doctor I still am. I just wish you were like me.”

Mom said, “We’re both proud of you and your sisters.”

I asked, “Why didn’t he say that?” I could see Dad felt as defensive as me, but I’m the adolescent.

Dad asked, “Before you asked for our blessing to go to school as Rose. Did that mean you plan to go with or without our blessing?”

“I didn’t think that far Dad. I planned to dress as Dort for the assembly and I hoped to dress as Rose for School.”

Dad said, “I would expect the school will require some sort of reason if you were to continue dressing as Rose Anderson for school.”

I said, “They haven’t said anything either way. I don’t remember ever getting direct permission to be Rose. I think it started on that holiday basketball tournament trip when my sister went as my chaperone.”

Mom finally said, “Okay, you can dress as Rose until the school says otherwise. But we do want you to dress like Robert more than you have been. You will need to continue to see the Psychologist, Ms. Akers. She and your other doctor need to be okay with it.”

I was actually excited about seeing Mrs. Akers again. I had seen her at one of our tournament games and was glad she cared enough to stop after I got hurt. I have trouble getting a good sleep since then. I hope she can help me. But I’m afraid she’ll want me to tell all about it again.

I was up early getting ready for school. I had my best uniform for Dort. I chose my plain blue skirt, a white blouse with bright flowers and a red sweater. The last could be put on or taken off as different parts of the school can be too hot or too cold. I have classes in both areas today.

There was a backup of cars trying to get to the school so I got out and walked the last block and a half. I saw a student named Michael that I know. I said hello and asked if I might walk with him.

Michael did a double look before he said, “I thought you’d be back to being Robert today. I know about the assembly and being Dort, but I thought for sure you’d be back to yourself.” We walk along together, but he’d shake his head now and then. He asked, “So does this me you like being like a girl?”

I appreciated that he wasn’t put off by me, but asked an honest question. He said, “Back in January or February my sister Teg asked me if I want to dress as a girl again. And I told her I didn’t want to be a second class citizen. She chided me but knew our Mom and older sister both had jobs that paid women a lower wage.

“Then there’s you. People compliment you okay, but I’m sure not everyone respects you. You’re not a girl and not a much of a boy in many peoples’ book.”

I said, “You say that, but here you are talking to me. Are you going to say something derogatory when I’m not around?”

Mike said, “No, we might not be close friends, but I do respect you. You have a different kind of courage in my book.” We got near the school and he headed off for a different entrance.

I went to my locker and put my uniform in there and got the needed books. I turned around and there was Jaylene Fox, little Heather, their sailor Kent. I met him the other day, but I guess he wanted to thank me for the support Jaylene and Heather got. They had already looked at a house in our town and would buy it.

They said some of the town fathers and mothers would up with the down payment if the built on the garage. Kent said, he was surprised to see me dressed as Rose but Jaylene was not. “I think Heather will not be sure about him when he dresses as Robert. She and I have only seen pictures of Robert. We always have seen Dort and Rose. She is one of the girls that Heather is comfortable with.”

Jaylene smiled, “Have you ever heard again from that woman and her baby that you met in the New Brunswick hospital?”

I said, “Yesterday, she wants me to come over on Thursday night, saying her husband would pick me up and bring me home. She said it would probably be a month or two before she’d want me as a babysitter.”

Jaylene and I giggle and Kent just scratched his head. They went to see if others from the ship had gotten there yet and I went to my homeroom. I saw Therese and others but my phone buzzed that I had a message.

From Mom, “Do you want to go look at prom dresses? I can go after school today or Wednesday or we would need to wait for the weekend? …If you’re going to go with Therese; you might want to ask her along.”

I test back, “Maybe Wednesday as I don’t want to act like I’m forcing Dad to decide.”

Mom’s text, “I wouldn’t have asked if it weren’t okay. Wednesday’s fine.”

Therese is the first to get the way I dressed. “I guess you’re dressing like an ordinary female student. It is a nice outfit. Ms. House said, ‘You’re to change into Dort’s uniform in her changing area at 9:30.’”

Our Homeroom teacher hands me a note. ‘You’re to see Ms. Akers right after school. If that is not good, you need to tell the office before noon.’

The day is filled with notices about quizzes and tests that had been postponed. Besides class work, I had a lot of studying to do. Cheerleaders are expected to carry a good ‘B’ average. I guess while I don’t need to do it anymore, I want to.

Come 9:15 I go to change into my uniform. I hadn’t worn much makeup, but I do use some mascara, blush and lip gloss for Dort. I hear Ms. House and someone outside the changing room. The other person was speaking, “While I think it might be good to share who does Dort the Destroyer; if I were you I wouldn’t mind Rose as a cheerleader.”

Ms. House said, “If she spent time practicing with others yet this spring and summer. She’d hopefully refine her skills. Lord knows she has so much potential. …The funny thing, come college, he’d be too small for most as a male cheerleader, but Rose might qualify for a college scholarship as a cheerleader or female mascot.”

I was about done as I did my hair to go with my hat. Stepping out, into House’s area Ms. House was surprised as she remembered I was to be there. She looks at me as to check my uniform, makeup and hair. “Rose you have gotten quite good at that. I hope the others are as prepared as you are.”

Mrs. Johnson looks at me, and then says, “Are you sure you are a boy. A cheerleader this pretty would have the boys… Well never mind.”

I know I blushed as I quickly was leaving. I had gone over to where the others were getting ready. Lieutenant Jennifer Fields had also come to see them. She went in and then showed her head and said, “You can come in now.” It wasn’t completely true. Though we had long before quit being embarrassed by one another.

We gathered around the Lieutenant and she said, “I wanted to come and compliment you women personally. You are the ones’ who set up our relationship with this basketball team. We had no idea that they would be this good. I think this season has solidified our connection with you. I know five other ships have been communicated with numerous schools and will each be adopting one beginning the next school year.”

“Others around your state have stopped by the ship to convey their appreciation for us as well. Many didn’t know there were Marines also on the ships in harm’s way. ”

The next part I wasn’t happy that she shared. “If Rose is to become a real girl; I hope you like me will support her to have a time as Robert again. If things are not done properly, things could really turn ugly.”

She excused herself and Coach House was in to check on us and to get us to where we needed to be for the beginning of the program.

It was nice to hear from Kristin during the assembly, “After our reception back in town and seeing the Cheerleaders perform. We now understand why you have been cheering us so well during this season. We are always proud of our cheerleaders, but this year’s Cheer Team really had a great capability to get our gym here and others away rocking on behalf of our team.”

“We asked some of our supporters to give them gift baskets in appreciation for all they did. They weren’t sure about what to give our mascot. We said, ‘Whatever is appropriate for the other girls will be appropriate for her as well.’ The basketball players lined up on the edge of the platform with baskets and we each lined opposite a player to receive a basket. I should have been upset or embarrassed as two things that looked like roses were actually panties. There was also a certificate for a time at a spa.

Our team’s name was already on the state trophy.

Come, one o’clock I was called to the Principal’s office. Dr. Evans informed me, “Your time of being disciplined is now officially over. The school would like you to return to come to school as Robert Anderson. Your mother has communicated to me and will put it in writing that you have permission to come to school as Rose.”

She said, “We will need Dr. Akers or another psychologist or a psychiatrist to approve you doing that. You will be given ten days to comply with that. …I need to ask and make sure that is your wish and this is not being forced on you by others.”

I smiled and said, “Yes, I actually have better clothes than I do as Robert for right now.”

She complimented me, “Yes, I and my daughter, when she had been home, have noted that you have picked up a nice wardrobe along the way. It was nice today to see you have some good everyday clothes.”

I finally said, “I feel like you’re teaming up against me to stop being Rose. But as you said, my mother has given me permission to do so. I plan to talk with Dr. Akers, but it is not supposed to be your business what I talk about.”

“I don’t feel much like Robert, and I’m not sure if dressing as a boy will change that. I thought you would understand why I like better to dress and act as Rose. I didn’t like being hurt, but I was willing to pay that price.”

“What will you do if some Doctor says, I’m transgender?”

I waited for her to speak. Her face went expressionless, “I guess we’ll cross that bridge if we come to it.”

I asked, “Do you think I make a bad girl? Would you throw me out of the prom if I’m invited and come as Rose?”

Ms. Evans moves from behind her desk to be with me. “Rose, I think you have made a good girl and cooperated with us very well. I appreciate all you have done and not caused trouble. About the prom and coming as Rose let me think about that.”

“My Mom plans to take me looking for a prom dress, Wednesday after school.”

Ms. Evans said, “They have already given you permission to go as Rose?”

I said, “My father said he won’t decide until Wednesday, but Mom said we could have gone today. But I told her I have an appointment with Dr. Akers. After school today.”

It was the end of the second period of the afternoon by the time I got back to class. Anne sent me a note, ‘I was invited to the prom by Torey. Have you decided who you’re going to the prom with Bradley or Therese? I know a gay boy who would like into your panties!” I have already figured that Brad is at least bi-sexual if not gay. The idea of a boy even kissing me in December was repulsive. Now the idea of a boy and I making out is worthy of consideration. That part of me wanted to see myself being a girlfriend; it was now attractive to me. I knew that would not be a good thing to share with anyone.

The assembly was good as it allowed all the students in on the celebration. I don’t ever remember so much attention being shown to girls. It was nice as students began several of our cheers without being prompted.

Come the beginning of the last class, Therese was already waiting for me in the classroom. Brad cut me off in the hallway, asking, “Can we talk after school. I really want you to go to the prom with me.”

This time I cut him off, “Sorry but I have a doctor’s appointment after school. It will need to wait until tomorrow or you can call me this evening.” Brad gave me a quick hug and kiss before rushing off to his class.

The kiss and my hugging him was not lost on Therese. She said, “If you really want to go out with him, you don’t need to embarrass me.” Miss Hughes announced the beginning of the class before I could respond.

I am proficient at writing and sending notes now. I quickly communicated I have not told him anything. I haven’t decided who to say yes to, but my mother indicated I will be able to go to the prom as Rose.” Second note, “She even told me to ask you to shop with me for a prom dress; if I decide to go to the prom with you.”

A note with a sad face came back, “Trevor likes me enough that I don’t have wait for him to decide. I think you should plan on going to the Prom with Brad. You and I can go back to just being friends.”

I guess as others told me later, that I shouldn’t have accepted that as being final. Instead, I sent a text to Brad on my way to the doctor’s appointment. Brad said he was very glad and would call me after his baseball training.

Dr. Kristyn Akers said she was happy to see me and asked if I was happy the basketball season was over. I said, “I have mixed feelings.”

She was the second one to suggest, maybe I shouldn’t have accepted Therese’s response as final. But said, my communication with Brad effectively did end it. We talked more about how I was doing since I was jumped at the tournament. She mentioned my response of fright and terror when I saw the picture across from the elevator and that nightmares were a common result. She reminded me that I was safe when she asked me to remember the incident and the terror I still felt.

I said, “One of the boys hasn’t shown any remorse for what he had done and even said he was innocent. That means I will probably have to go to court and testify against him. I’m afraid of doing that.”

“I’m also afraid of turning back to a boy and my body maturing in ways I don’t want. I don’t want to lose being Rose.” Dr. Kristyn Akers gave me a personality test and I stayed to do it. I would have to come back to get the results.

The good news was she said, “You have my permission to continue as Rose until we get together to share the results of the test. I do hope at least one parent would be with you.”

Sonja was there to take me home, but we went to a mall to walk around as we talked. Sonja giggled and when I asked what about. She said, “You’re bringing out my feminine side. Some of the dresses at Express International caught my eye for you as well as one for me.”

I asked, “Were you thinking like me more in the way of something pretty for Easter or spring?” We both turned around and went into the store. A saleswoman came over to us, “What brings Dorothy in as well as one of the other Anderson girls?”

Sonja was surprised and asked, “How do you know us?”

She said, “For one thing, I live in the same town and I graduated from your school. Enough about me how can I help you two?”

I said, “We’re only looking; wanting to see what might be appropriate for Easter or spring.”

Aria said, “That is fine, I can leave you alone or help pull out some things that I think you might like. …It’s Rose, isn’t it? I am glad you’re continuing as a girl. I think it fits you.”

I thanked her and said, I wanted to look but I would also be interested in what she thought might be good for Sonja or me. We were near each other as I was looking and I raised one dress that I liked but was ready to put back. Aria and the Sonja said I should try it. There was a cute dress mostly white with delicate blue roses and butterflies. Arai had found it and Sonja had found a cheery white with red print and chiffon over the top and arms. We took them into the changing room.

I had to try the pink blush skirt I found without my pantyhose. Both my sister and the saleswoman found that insightful for a ‘should be’ boy. For the white dress with the print of blue roses and butterflies, I also kept the pantyhose off. But we agreed on the white dress with red print would be better with the look of stockings.

I knew Sonja had taken pictures of each but I didn’t know she sent them to my mom, sisters, and friends. Mom, Sierra and two friends favored the whited with red print. Mom and Sierra both liked the pink-blush dress that Shannon thought was better for me along with Anne and three other friends. I asked Sonja and she agreed that the pink blush was calling me. Sonja fell in love with a different dress that had a print skirt and a whited top. The top was nicely cut and showed off her slender frame and nice bosom. It was now 7:00 and Sonja said it was time to get home. I couldn’t believe that we spent all that time and even tried things on and just leave. Sonja said, “You need to learn to do this. We get enough clothes but there’s more we can enjoy trying on.”

We were hungry when we got home, but all mom had were the fixings for a good salad. Mom said, “And gone are the days you can heap on the salad dressing. If you’re dressing as a girl; you’ll be eating like one as well.” From after supper until 10:30 I was studying. I had two quizzes and one exam tomorrow.

Sonja brought a yellow skirt and pulled out one of my blouses that would look good with it. “I suggest you wear this outfit tomorrow. You should think of getting your ends cut soon, or get an appointment for a salon.”

I showered, took care of cleansing my skin and using a moisturizer. Sonja was back in and I was getting tired of her checking on me. I began to tell her so, when she said, “I’ve been working up the courage to do this, so don’t hassle me.” She produced a pill disk with most of the pills. “I don’t want you to endanger the progress you’ve made as Rose. I got my new disk in the mail today. You can have this one. …Until the Prom you’ll want to keep up your appearance.”

She was right, I had already been worrying about my appearance and the puffiness of my little breasts if they would diminish. I looked at the disks and quickly counted the pills and worry still. “Sonja, there’s not enough to have one each day?”

She said, “By the time you finish those we’ll take care of that problem.”

I said, “But I’m supposed to have more time back as Rob.”

Sonja said, “I bet you’ll have more than enough time as Rob to suit you and us sisters. By now, we all like what we see as Rose our sister.” We couldn’t help but hug at that point.

Wednesday, I went to school as Rose with my mom’s blessing as she was to take me shopping for a prom dress afterward. Anne was excited for me and even Therese was back as a friend and happy for me. Therese had shown me a picture of her gown and it was truly a gown so wonderful.

Anne and I were talking once when I spotted Brad. Anne knew something happened and asked, “What did you just do?”

I said, “I saw Brad, I think he’s coming over after he stops talking to a friend.”

She said, “But you did something else, what was it?”

I tried not to say, but Brad took longer and she persisted. I finally said, “It’s nothing.”

“I’ve seen that look three or four times.”

I said, “Its nothing, my butt just tightens.”

She said, “That’s cute, does that mean you want him?”

I said, “That’s terrible to say.”

“Maybe, do you feel warm and moist?”

Luck was on my side, Brad came over by then and the conversation changed. He asked if I was going to be able to go out Friday or Saturday. When the lunch break was over he escorted me to my locker and then my next class. We wanted to kiss but a teacher was close by, so we didn’t.

Come 3:30 my mom, Sonja, Anne and I were on our way shopping. Sierra would meet us at Glamour Bridal Gowns and More. Tiffany would be our salesperson with both Sonja and Sierra recognizing her. Tiffany giggled as she said, “Sonja, I thought you were the last of the Anderson girls? So who is this young lady?”

I spoke up for myself, “I’m Rose; they had to try one more time to get it perfect.”
Mom giggled as did Tiffany, “That was a very nice comeback. I cannot argue as you do look perfect. So is it a wedding gown or a prom dress that you’re looking for.” She caught me by surprise as I had been, in fact, staring at a bridal gown.

“I would like to look at prom dresses, please? Is there a color that would look better for me?”

Tiffany smiled, “That is a very good question and I am a good person for the task.” She showed me two swatches of blue and likewise of yellow. “You’re complexion has a nice glow to it. The blue and yellow with a white base won’t wash out your skin and with just a little makeup it helps to set off you and the dresses. …If you’re open to wearing spaghetti straps I have several dresses you might want to see and try on. …Remember, not to be in a rush to choose. We can set aside the ones you strongly take a liking too.”

I really did like one of the yellows with my dark hair. The other yellow gold and the blue dress were nice, but they didn’t excite me. I saw a red dress on display, and though I’d wanted to consider a pretty red dress that one turned me off to the idea. I was thankful that Sierra spoke up, “Rose likes red but I can tell she does not like that one. Do you have anything in red or pink that might look especially good on her?”

Tiffany pulled out one, Mom found another and Sonja who had walked off came back with one in each hand. I could tell the moment I saw one that I liked it a lot. Regrettably, while it was the correct size, it did not hang well on me. In fact, the description that it hung on me was fitting. The slender red gown was something I thought I didn’t want. It looked very nice and when Sierra had me step into a four-inch heel, it became hot. Hot in a very nice way that was acceptable even unto my mother.

She did say, “I do think you are too young and new with this for me to readily say, ‘Yes!’” It became the second dress we would hold onto. I tried another five dresses there.

We left there and then we went to Express International at the mall. Our Mom said, “There were at least two of you who liked dresses here for Easter. Please find them and show them to me.” I found the one I liked, white with blue roses. “Yes, I know it was the second choice of the others. Mother pointed out that many of the roses were hand-stitched lace. The butterflies also looked very nice once the dress was on me. We were surprised again as Sonja found a white dress with beautiful red roses setting it off. The surprise was Sonja had stayed away from such a feminine dress. She hadn’t liked people focusing on her and this dress did just that? Neither dress was extravagant in appearance or cost, but they were what we wanted.

Finished shopping for the evening, mother said, “We are going to Maestros for supper. When we’re done I want you to make sure you are completely clean. No red sauces hiding away for when you carry your dresses into the house to be properly cared for.”

“Mother, I’d rather not go out, especially to such a fancy place as Rose.”

Mother announced, “Maybe if you’re embarrassed to be seen as Rose, you shouldn’t consider becoming her.”

I looked to my sisters and Anne and we all knew mother was saying something new. She acknowledged the possibility of me being Rose…

Sierra’s home for the night and we talked. Actually, she observed I was nervous and unwilling to talk about things to others. She followed me up to my room, saying, “Out with it Rose, what’s up?”

Numerous times, I said, ‘I can't, or ‘you wouldn’t understand’ in various ways. We went talked about other things but it came back to this time and again.

Finally, Sierra said, “I remember being a young girl about your age. I too had been invited as a freshman to the prom. I was both excited and scared. But you’re right I wouldn’t fully understand you because I was only a girl.”

Sierra asked, “What are you most anxious about in going to the prom with Brad?”

“I’m afraid, I’ll look like a fool. I am excited about getting a pretty gown, and the expense of it if I become too afraid to go. I am glad Brad wants to take, me but what if he comes to his senses and becomes embarrassed to be with me? I want to help make him happy, but what if we go too far?”

Sierra moves next to me and hugs me, saying, “Slow down.” She asks, “Have you sensed your body getting excited being around Brad or Therese?”

“Who told you? I hadn’t told anyone.”

Sierra said, “I guess these feelings are not exclusive to sisters. I felt those things and more and I was also afraid. Luckily, Shannon sat and talked with me, much like us now.”

I said, “Sis, you’ve accomplished so much and you’re mature. It can’t be the same.”

Sierra said, “As I said, I had Shannon as well as Mom and the girlfriends around us.

“But.” I said, “I feel like a little girl in over her head. What if I can’t stop him nor myself?” I’m embarrassed that I said too much.

Sierra calms me back down. She asks, “You know how you boys often act tough but inside are afraid?” I acknowledged that.

“Girls often outwardly act mature, but inside can feel like that little girl you’re feeling like. So many of your friends and I have watched you the past three months and you’ve handled everything better than one could have imagined.”

“I’m surprised to hear, though it makes sense that you’ve been stuffing so much inside… It endears you more to me to see my little sister/brother not have it as well together as I thought.” She hugs me and I begin to cry.

I actually am feeling better than I let these bottled-up feelings and thoughts out, but I need to cry and I do. I appreciate Sierra letting me cry and not trying to ‘fix me, but I don’t like crying.

“Sierra, what do you think people will say if I back-out from going to the prom? Brad would still have time to find someone.”

Sierra still has one arm around me, but we can see each other eye to eye. “That’s your right and people would need to accept that. I just want to encourage you to take the time to make a good decision.”

“Could you give me some good reasons for going and some good reasons for not going,” Sierra asked?

I said, “Like Christmas, this might be the only chance I get as Rose. The idea of shopping for a beautiful gown and wearing it to prom is so spectacular that I can’t even imagine it. Plus, as others have said, Brad is kind of a hunk plus he’s sensitive.”

“On the other hand, I’m afraid, if I do it, I’m afraid, there is no going back to being Rob. What if I’m not a girl, but gay? I’m not as mature as other girls my age.”

“I want to look pretty for Easter and I want to be strong and mature to meet the ship as Rose. I don’t know if I can stop or if I even want to.” We talked on and talked things out.

Sierra said, “Why don’t you go run a nice warm bubble bath and relax before you go to bed.”

Come morning I wasn’t sure what I should do, but I wanted to make a decision and get it done. Anne was the first to call, and I asked about Therese whom she said, was hurt, “It will take her a fair amount of time to get over it.”

I quickly said, “That’s it, I’m not going to the prom!”

Anne tried to tell me I’m making another hurried decision, but I told her my mind was made up. I hurried and called Brad and told him, what I had decided. He exploded, which I considered good as it made the break easier.

Since I had put my outfit for today out last night, and it was a casual and everyday sort of dress. It was a skirt and blouse and I was presenting as Rose. The school day started kind of normal. I told a few of my decision about not going to the prom and received a mixed reaction of surprises, to calm acceptance of my decision and two people asked if this was the beginning of the end for my being Rose.

It wasn’t until after lunch when Megan Thomas confronted me that I met with a really strong reaction one way or the other. Megan matter of factly grabbed me by the hand and we went into one of the isolated study rooms of the library. She wasn’t yelling, but it was good we were in a soundproof room. “How dare you,” she said.

Megan is a year younger than Brad but still a grade ahead of me in school. I knew of her before and as Brad’s sister, we had become friends. She said, “I know you have the right, but how ungrateful you are in the way you’ve gone about it.”

“My brother’s gone out of his way to be nice to you and protect you. It even cost him some friends. It would have been better if you never had said yes to going to the Prom. …You might not remember but boys have feelings too.”

I broke down as I tried to speak, “Megan, it wasn’t about him. I got scared. Things moved too fast. I hurt Therese and I’m not sure about being a girl. Getting a gown and being with your brother, I’ve become afraid. I didn’t mean to hurt him. He acted angry not hurt on the phone.”

Megan said, “What did you expect, your surprise came out of the clear blue. He was excited when you called; you don’t share that kind of news on the phone and then hang up.”

“He did you and the Cheer Team a favor. You were an awkward boy dressing sometimes as a girl. He’s a good guy and didn’t want you hurt or the cheer team hurt. He and Sharon have been the best of friends since they were kids. Then you became attractive and you danced together. He came to like you a lot. I don’t think he saw himself as gay, but he fell for you.”

I said, “I’ve come to like him too. That’s what scares me. I’m afraid if I go to the prom, I’d go too far.”

A librarian tapped on the door asking if we were alright. We told her yes and said we needed another five minutes.

Finally, I asked, “What shall I do, he probably hates me now? I don’t want to change my mind if he hates me.”

Megan said, “He’s hurt, and angry how you did it, but he knows you didn’t do it to hurt him. He defended you to our Mom. …Actually, you probably shouldn’t quickly change your mind. That kind of thing causes you too much trouble. …He doesn’t know I’m talking to you, he might become angry with me for talking to you. But it wouldn’t hurt if you called him and talked. Maybe let him know you need time so he doesn’t quickly ask someone else.”

I said, “You wouldn’t mind if he and I were back together?”

Megan smiled, “Truly, I didn’t come here to change your mind, but to give you part of mine. I wanted to hate and hurt you. But you have those innocent doe eyes that are hard to dislike. I know you’re a novice as a girl.” Megan grins, “There’s also a perverted side to this sister; who has already imagined him making out with you.”

Megan was in a position to see the time and knew the bell would ring. She gave me a hug and left.

Come, at the end of the day when I went to my locker, I saw Brad at the end of the hall. He got within ten feet but came no closer. I said, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, it was about me. I need more time, though I’ll understand if you don’t give it. I don’t deserve it.”

Brad said, “You hurt me… If three days is enough, fine; after that, I’m not sure. What you did is so unlike you I know.” There was no touching, hug, or good-bye we just went our different ways.

My mother called me, “So what do you think about looking for a prom dress this evening?” I had not told her that I had told Brad I wasn’t going.

“Mom, I’m not sure I’m going to the prom.” Mom wanted to know more and while I tried to explain. I finally said, “Can we talk when you get home?”

When my mother came home, she called me in with her as she changed out of her teaching clothes to relax. We were having a mother-daughter time, something I had never experienced. She felt for me as I was finally growing up and letting others into my life. One thing she said that struck home for me was, “I hope, not only that you can come to a good decision for you. But that you and Therese can find a way to continue as good friends. Girlfriends like Therese and Anne are things I hope you can treasure for years to come.” Our talk went on long enough that we went out to eat.

I had continued to dress as Rose for school, my subtle message that I was still a girl. It was two days before I decided ‘yes’ to go to the prom with Brad. It came in a request to sit together and alone at lunch.

Brad’s joy was confirmation to our friends that we were back together. I quickly got a text from Anne, it just said, “Happy!” Soon a similar message came from Therese. I simply text her back, “Thanks, you are precious to my heart.”

Sonja sought me out after school, “Rose, how was it?” She agreed to give me a ride home, but we end up at Aunt Karen’s instead. Aunt Karen is seven years younger than our dad and much more of a free spirit. “Your sisters haven’t talked to you about their times with Aunt Karen, because you tended to tell your folks. …But now it’s your turn.” And we were off first to Victoria Secrets where I got a matching bra and panty set that I wouldn’t have dared to ask my mom for. I also got a pair of pink terrycloth short shorts. And once back to Aunt Karen’s it became obvious, my cousins and Uncle Jake was staying away! An early movie we’re told.

Aunt Karen did make sure I had and kept on my gaff as she ordered me to strip down. “Have you heard of a bikini shave,” she asked? Truthfully I hadn’t and was embarrassed to a crimson red when she told me. Sonja giggled and joyfully hugged me from behind when I was in my prone position for the deed to be done.

I put on my new panty to confirm Aunt Karen had done her job well. I was all put back together before my uncle and cousins returned with pizza. My cousins were all five years or younger than me. I couldn’t help but wonder when I saw Patti if and when Aunt Karen might help her or have a younger woman to do it.

Come Saturday, Mom wanted to take me shopping for a prom dress. Being the day before Easter I was committed as a member of the Cheer Team to hide eggs and to help monitor the egg hunt, making sure each child got at least one.

Come little Marie Trullo’s hunt for eggs. I gave my responsibility over to Anne so I could help Marie. Her Dad had been called into work and Audrene expecting twins had trouble waddling around. If she had to carry Marie the tasks would have become impossible. We were able to get three eggs, but we were bumped out of the way for two others. I was able to give her one more, though it wasn’t a prize egg.

Wearing my Dort the Destroyer uniform for a morning egg hunt was chilling, to say the least. But it was nice to receive the affection of so many children. I think the bunny was a little bit jealous as some young children were scared of the costumed bunny but were by now used to me. I did get to give one of the prizes to the third and fourth graders. It is was basketball signed by all of our high school girls’ championship team. It was heartwarming to see Brenda Hop's delight in getting it.

The hunt ended before and was all cleaned up by noon. I got to enjoy a hot chocolate to get warm. While I was drinking my hot chocolate, Coach House came over to greet me bearing a sheet of paper. “Rose, I want to give you this flyer and encourage you to come. If you’re Rose next year, I would like to have you as a cheerleader.” She handed me flyers for two cheerleader camps. One was hers held for two weeks at our school. The other she was only an assistant, but it was held at a girl’s camp down at the shore.

I stared at her and didn’t need to say a word. Finally, without my asking, Coach House said, “Yes, you are wanted and welcome to come. I even have someone near the camp who would help with your housing and other needed arrangements.”

It was 1:00 o’clock when I got home and 2:00 by the time I showered and was changed to go looking for a prom dress. This time our second stop was back at Glamour Bridal Gowns and More. Tiffany, my saleswoman from before, seemed anxious like she had been looking for me to come in today.

Tiffany said, “Look around and I will help you however I can. I even set aside a new dress for you to consider.” I wanted to know where the new dress was right off, but Tiffany and my Mom agreed with each other that I should try to find one on my own. There was no shortage of dresses I enjoyed trying on. Two of them would do well as my prom dress. Two other gowns were fantastic to try on, but if I got either one. It would have been the gown and not me that people would have commented on as they both would be overwhelming if I wore them. Sierra and Mom were hesitant to agree to fast not wanting to hurt my feelings.

We turned to Tiffany and she finally agreed to show us the gown she thought was right for me. My expectations were kind of down, but they quickly changed as she brought out a shimmering red gown with lace on the upper portion and pink tooling flowing over the arms and the main body of the gown. My first impression, I thought it was wonderful, but worried that it wouldn’t look good on me.

Tiffany said, “I know, both Sierra and Sonja have worn corsets. I think this gown will fit and look nice without a corset. However, I think it would look way more eloquent if she wears a corset.” Everyone became silent as three sets of eyes turned my way.

Sierra finally asked, “So little sis are you woman enough to try it with a corset? Instead of squeezing into a size 8, you will elegantly turn into a size six.”

I didn’t want to act too excited, hence calmly I said, “I guess it won’t hurt to see how it would look. I love the dress.”

I was embarrassed as I had to undress down to my panty, even my bra, for now, had to go. Mom said the corset was neither the cheapest nor terribly expensive. The boning and stiffness were all new to me. As it tightened I was glad for the flexibility it did have along with the curves it enhanced. Tiffany said, “You will see in a moment that your gown will nicely nestle your breasts within it. It will also help to know more about the kind of bra we might have you wear with it.”

My mom tried to convey to Tiffany that wearing bras had molded my upper body fat to appear as breasts. Tiffany said, “What is happening here is confidential as far as I’m concerned. But the nipples and aureoles indicate more and that lends itself to what we’re looking for in her fitting the gown.”

Tiffany turns to me, “Rose are you comfortable with the corset and ready to see how you look in the gown?” She fitted breast forms under my breasts to lift what I had. She brought a full slip down over my head and body the appearance of the forms and corset melted away. I hadn’t noticed but the slip had cutaways designed to match up with the skirt of the dress. So while most of the gown was snug as designed the slits made for the ease of moving my legs and look graceful.

Mom and Sierra helped Tiffany guide the gown over my head and down my body. It felt like cool water cascading over me. My arms went up in the sleeves as the rest of the dress came flowing down my body. There were places that the fit was nice and snug until it reached the right place. There were both buttons as well as a zipper that helped bring it all together. I was in front of a long mirror watching it come together and I was delightfully amazed.

I couldn’t believe myself I was bringing my hands up toward my mouth a gesture I saw played out numerous times by my sisters. I thought it was silly then and found it lightly amusing now. My gesture was not lost on Sierra, “Deja vu, no.” She was being nicer to me than her little brother was to her.

Tiffany handed my mom the price tag; Mom, in turn, showed Sierra. “It is not cheap, but I thought it could have been more expensive.” Mom turned to me. “So what do you think is this your prom gown or do we continue to look?”

I asked, “But how much does it cost, is it too expensive.”

Mom said, “That’s not the concern right now. Is this the one you’d like as your prom gown?”

Sierra speaks up, “This is how Mom was with each of us. It is not very expensive if it is the right gown. Your senior year when you’re tempted to want to go overboard; then Mom and Dad will have you sharing part of the expense. Plus you still have shoes, hosiery, hand purse, jewelry, hair, and more, but it all revolves around you and your gown.”

Mom turns to Tiffany, “Taubate it all up including the corset, and breast pushup forms and give me a good price and it’s a sale. I hope your seamstress will fit it for her more appropriately. I am not sure how patient she will be in standing for that or coming back for another fitting, but she needs to learn if she wants it.”

A seamstress took the better part of an hour looking, pulling, measuring, and pinning. I didn’t have to select my shoes but I needed to decide if it was to be 3, 3½, or 4” heels I would be wearing. I went with four-inch heels knowing I could change to 3½” without a problem with the dress.

Standing there for the fitting, I realized I would need more practice in heels before the prom. I received a swatch as well as a phone picture of me in the gown. Mother paid sixty percent of the cost with the rest due after the last fitting.

I was glad it all went so smoothly, but I was wondering why my mom or dad allowed me to do it without a big fuss being made. I expected more resistance if not attempts to stop the whole thing. It was 10 p.m. when I finally approached my mom as she was alone reading in our living room. “Mom, I want to thank you again for taking me shopping and buying the beautiful gown for me. I don’t mean to be ungrateful, but I’m surprised that you and dad are being so supportive. I didn’t think Dad would be so willing?”

Mom asked me to sit down and then she said, “Honestly, your father thinks it is a mistake that you’ll regret later, but he didn’t see you understanding that or changing your mind. He thinks you’re going to get hurt living out your girl as dreams, and your image is going to be scarred for years to come. He doesn’t like seeing his only son become effeminate and wishes he had put a stop to it way earlier.”

I asked, “What do you think, Mom; do you agree with him?”

She said, “I had been in agreement, but I’ve softened my position. The more I’ve been around you and heard from your sisters and others such as Mrs. Trullo and friends of mine, I’ve changed. I had thought that you got caught up in a whirlwind of emotions. But after about the third week, something seemed to change and you were more intentional in who Rose was becoming. I think it is possible you’ll go back to being Rob and if you do; I’m hoping this makes you a better more rounded out person…

Story to be continued…

I woke up Easter morning and it was like I was back to being Rob, I put on my new dress for Easter. But it was Robert walking about in girls’ clothes. I couldn’t find my voice. I could even tell walking to the toilet that I had lost any grace I had in walking about. I stood up at the toilet and misfired before I hit the toilet.

I had grabbed Shannon’s robe and went to the kitchen to get something to drink and asked what was happening. My father said, “This is what you deserve. I’m glad you see how funny you look trying to pretend that you are Rose. There is no Rose Anderson; get that through your thick head.” My mother shook her head in affirmation. “Did you really think that you could just put on the clothes and change who you are?”

I went back to the bedroom and sat at Shannon’s vanity and tried to use some makeup to get a glimpse of me. The makeup was like plaster going on a dry sponge-like face. I couldn’t get it to smooth out. I would need to wax my bushy eyebrows out to get the narrow arched that I had gained in December.

It was like everything had changed with my earlobes spotless, no openings for my earrings. My complexion had gone back to the way it was. It was like I had not ever cleansed or moisturized my face. My hair while not short had lost the body it had gained. It had not been shampooed the past week nor had it been well kept.

There under Shannon’s makeup was a critical newspaper article spoofing my being a mascot for our high school girls’ teams.

It all became too much and I ran back to bed, jumped under the covers and began to cry and hammer on my pillow asking why?

It was Shannon’s voice, “Wake-up, wake-up. Rose what are you upset about. You need to get up and get ready. Did you forget that Lieutenant Fields, Jaylene, and the Foxes are joining us to go to church this morning?”

“But I can’t, I’m back to looking like Rob. I don’t want to go back to looking like my old self. My hair and complexion have changed back and I lost my girly voice.” Shannon’s arms surrounded me and drew me into a comforting hug.

Holding me in the warmth of her arms, “You’re okay, you’re okay! Is that it? You had a nightmare. Listen to yourself, you haven’t lost your girly voice, it’s your voice. Come with me.” I got up, and in her arms, I walked into the bathroom and standing in front of the mirror she said, “Look, this is who you are. I hope you are happy. You have worked hard and disciplined yourself and become this beautiful person.”

I actually lifted my hands to my face as well as touched my hair to make sure I was not dreaming now. I looked back to the mirror and very much liked who I am. I see my resemblance to my sisters and mom. Yes, I can still see Rob and the boy I could be. But I wasn’t that boy nor a little girl, even in my nightgown I could see I was becoming a young woman. The person I was growing into being.

Nature reminded me of my humanity and the morning urge to pee. I quickly lifted my nightgown and pulled down my panty and I sat to relieve myself. Shannon giggled as she got out of my way and closed the door as she left.

I quickly discarded my night clothes and took a quick shower. The water cascading over me felt so wonderful. I was waking up and I splashed water in my face to wash away any tears. Once out with a towel around my head and patting myself dry, I was refocusing on the morning ahead. It was only a little after 6:00 o’clock. I looked to the closet and saw my dress with the pretty blue roses. I was at the chest of drawers picking out the panty, bra and the stockings I wanted.

I put on the bra and panties and grabbed one of Shannon’s dressing robes and went to the kitchen. I heard my Mom’s voice and was afraid of what she and Dad might say. But I stepped into the kitchen and mom greeted me, extending a cup of tea. “I hear you scared yourself, I hope I wasn’t part of your nightmare.” I grabbed the cup with one hand and received her hug. I looked and realized it was still too early for my father to be up on a Sunday. I was thankful for that.

Mom had decorated the house and there was one large family Easter basket decorating the dining room table. I now wondered if the decorations always were predominately pink and white with a scattering of pastels. The house felt softer, more delicate and friendly than I remembered. I pulled off a piece of cinnamon roll and dipped it into my tea before treasuring it in my mouth.

There was a pair of hands grabbing me at the waist and a male voice, “I guess, I better be getting used to this.” It was my father and his hands for once had warmth and caring that I had missed since I was a young boy.

Getting dressed for church was a joy as I rolled my stockings up my legs and saw my painted toes sticking out. I could already imagine how pretty they would look with my strappy white heels. I was able to do my own makeup and brush out my hair. I could have buttoned up my dress all by myself, but it was fun having Shannon do the last few buttons. I lifted my hair after as I had given her a necklace that I wanted around my neck. It was as pretty and delicate as I was feeling this morning.

I walked down the stairs as the doorbell rang. I walked over to it and opened it to welcome Lieutenant Jennifer Fields into our house. “Good,” she said, “I was hoping I found the right house. You must be Sonja or Sierra.”

I said, “Do I look that much different from a few weeks ago?” Jennifer soon realized it was me.

“Wow, Rose! Yes, you look very different from the mascot/cheer person I saw a few weeks ago.” She took a half step back to look at me. My mother and father were now there and I could hear my sisters coming down the stairway.

Jennifer said, “With my family halfway across the country in St. Louis. I am glad to have the opportunity to share a special holiday in a family setting. I just hope Seaman Kent Fox can relax with me being around.”

Mom said, “Jaylene, Ken, and little Heather will meet us at the church. They will be here for dinner as well as one grandmother.”

Shannon had taken a change of clothes from Ms. Fields and put them into the guest room. After a short time, we went to church.

Anne and her family sat behind us and Sharon and her brother and sister sat in front of us. Between the holiday and extra guests, the church was quite full. I was taken with the words of the pastor when it was said. “The joy of the resurrection of Jesus is for all people.” I know his eyes weren’t focused on me like I felt they were, but when he said. “I hope all people can feel the surety of God’s love without condition. Jesus bore the sins of hate on the cross, that we might be free to receive the love of God more freely.” I let the judgment of others fall away.

I did not openly cry but my feelings and tears coming to my eyes must have been evident. I felt the pat of Anne’s hand on my shoulder and Shannon, next to me, squeeze of my hand. After church Shannon said, “I never realized how some people could feel left out and not loved. Loving you as Rose has become such an eye-opener for me.”

Once we were home and finishing preparations for dinner, Heather came running up to me with the gait of a toddler. I lifted her up into my arms. “Aunty Rose, I love you.” The feelings were mutual.

We were sitting around in the living room listening to Kent and Jennifer talking about how on the ship they could become absorbed with our destroyer basketball team and its games. They said it was a release from being confined to the ship as it crossed the ocean and later during the tension because of their ‘troubles’ as they expressed them. “Arranging for the exercise on our way back, to let off a crew detachment go into Atlantic City, while we continued to ship onto Philadelphia was actually a welcome excursion from the business like usual.” Jennifer said, “I’ve even been told similar deployment, especially of Marines, are being considered for other ships returning to U.S. ports. Hopefully, they will never be more than an exercise for the unexpected.”

We could see in part from Jennifer and Kent how good it felt to be able to relax at our house. Jennifer had changed after she came back from church. My dad once said ‘At ease sailor.’ Jennifer caught herself, saying, “Easier said than done. I was given the responsibility of captaining the ship several times this time out, including bringing her into Philadelphia. It is hard sometimes to relax from that responsibility. …I was captaining the ship during part of the trouble and with the sub underneath us, needed medical supplies on board and our ship and crew. My being ‘captain’ was to be a sign that we were there in peace. But at any moment we could be mille-seconds away from conflict.”

Sierra had stepped behind Kent and I was behind Jennifer both of us massaging muscles that were tense. I loved how in Jennifer’s strength I could feel the body of a woman I had come to admire and look up to.

Jaylene looked up to Sierra, saying, “Thanks, he’s a good man and he’s not as tense as he was. But it does take time after ever deployment for him to relax and unwind. I don’t think the average person understands what war settings do to people. My husband is a normal person, he’s not a war machine. Transformer my ass, you don’t just return to the person you use to be.”

“He loves to inundate himself playing with Heather when he comes back. This time, because of my pregnancy he doesn’t feel free to have sex with me like he usually does. He’s kind of big that way and we love that time, but don’t this time. He loves we’re becoming a family.”

I was initially uncomfortable with what she was describing but knew from my own imagining a little of what it might feel like. It made me think of being me with Brad. I knew he felt bigger than I was. I had read on the internet, how it might feel having a guy inside of me and the sensations I might feel. I knew even little Rob had become somewhat aroused.

Jennifer Fields was staying with us for two or three nights. She had no obligations to go to the school, connect with recruiters or other people from the Navy. She made day excursions into the city and contact friends. She became like a young aunt to me. I found myself confiding in her and sharing thoughts I had not intended.

The day before she left, I knew she had time with my father while I was at school. Sierra was home and told me that Jennifer got very direct with our father. She said to the effect that my being Rose was not about him. But that losing me as a daughter or a son could be. “Your daughter, though new in being Rose in daily life, has made the adjustment fairly well because she feels natural and comfortable in being herself.”

“I encouraged her to spend more time as Robert, but I’ve been impressed since I first heard from Robert and more and more as I’ve come to know Rose. I know I’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg, and my psychology training didn’t focus on transgender people. She does, however, impress me as a person. And if a transgender woman is going to emerge this would seem to be an ideal time as the young women around her are also maturing.”

I would go and watch Brad’s baseball games but found myself drawn even more Therese and Sandy and their softball games. It was during one of those games that a rainstorm let loose with a deluge of rain as a ball was hit and the already wet ground turned into mud in the middle of the play. One person slipped as she ran for the ball; another fell as the muddy ball proved difficult to throw. The runner going to first base crashed into the fielder and they both went to the ground. As soon as one umpire yelled time-out the players on the field began to wrestle with one another. Others from the outfield and dugouts ran to join the fun. I threw down the scoresheet I was keeping for the team. I went to help up Sandy at third base and she pulled me down.

Having on a glorified tee-shirt I soon looked like a woman in a wet shirt mud fight with the wet muddy shirt plastered to my body. It showing the silhouette of the young teenage girl I was becoming. Deanna Ellis from the other team was soon on top of me. Once she recognized me, she gave me a big juicy kiss. “I’ve wanted to do that ever since you started to be one of us.” I even felt her muddy hand slide down inside of my jeans over my butt. “Not bad at all,” she said. I found myself kissing her back as we rolled one full loop on the muddy infield.

Not able to go into the locker room like others, I was hosed down to get enough caked on mud off. Our Coach gave me her emergency blanket from her car to wrap up in. I rode in the back of Jeter’s pick-up to get home. I went in through the garage where I stripped off most of my clothes and went downstairs to use the shower off the utility room. While it is okay, nothing special apart from a floor and drain that could handle my muddy mess.

Once clean there, I went upstairs to take a bubble bath with bathing oils. Sierra brought in my phone as Therese had called. We were both in a bubbly tub giggling over the way the game and rain downpour went.

Therese said, “What did Deanna Ellis say to you after laying the juicy kiss on you?”

I said, “She asked me to go out with her. I’m not sure but I think we’re to go to a dance at her school in two weeks. I need to make sure it doesn’t conflict with when I’m to meet with Tiffany Streep about watching their infant Megan.”

The tub was cooling down so I ended my conversation ran more hot water and finished my bath. I used an extra-large towel to wrap around my body. Patting my legs and shoulders dry, I was taken with how the bath oils were leaving my skin soft and feeling nicely hydrated. I put on a terrycloth teddy bear pajama set and wrapped myself in one of Shannon’s shorter robes.

I thought it was later than it was and when I ran into the living room. I was embarrassed. Anne and her Mom, Audrey Evans were over visiting with my mother.

Anne said, “You spent too much time during your bath on the phone or you would have known we came over. I hear that a lot of people had fun at the softball game, including you.”

Audrey Evans said, “I came over to visit about what you’re likely to be doing. We’re going on an extended vacation this summer. Anne usually gets to take a girlfriend along. We were wondering if you might be willing. There would need to be a few stipulations… We heard you’re seriously considering coming back to school in the fall as Rose. So I thought you could now fill the role of a girlfriend.”

I cautiously look to my mother, hoping she’d agree I could go. Mom taps the couch next to her, “Come and sit, making sure you are properly wrapped in the robe as you sit.”

“Yes, I see myself as one of Anne’s girlfriends.” Anne interrupts, “My best friend and girlfriend. I have dreamed for years that Mom, Rose and I could go on vacation together. I even dreamed I could change Rob to a girl for the summer. I knew three years ago he would make a cute looking girl.”

Mom asked, “How did you know that?” I was turning red hoping Anne wouldn’t say what I was afraid she would.

She said, “It was after he dressed like one of his sisters for Halloween. Several moms including mine insisted we could only go to the movies as a group of girls. We were going to be grounded if any boy showed up. We said she was Shelia’s cousin. She not only went to the movies with us but stayed for our sleepover. Shelia Thoms’ mom figured it out around 11:30 and wrapped Cassie firmly into her sleeping bag.”

My mother said, “Is that the time he was supposedly over at Travis Cole’s house?”

I smiled because it was a time when my folks were frustrated with me but rarely gave me much attention. Instead of making anything of it, Mom excused my silence saying, “That was long enough ago and seemingly it was handled well. Rob’s been so good, it is actually refreshing to hear that he did something like that.”

Mrs. Evans knew better, that I had caused my share of trouble and shenanigans. She also knew I was kind of a forgotten child among my three sisters. “She won’t need to be tied into a sleeping bag.”

The second Friday and Saturday of May, we were officially invited to visit the USS Cook. They were having an open house for the ship on Saturday. Friday dignitaries were to be present to give recognition to the crew and ship’s recent voyage to the Mediterranean and the Black Sea. It would not be elaborated exactly what had happened other than they complete their assignment taking aid to Ukraine.

The basketball team and our cheer team were among the dignitaries officially invited, and among a few receiving recognition for assistance. Because recognition was no longer officially being given to the likes of me. I was not invited as the mascot, Dorothy the Destroyer.

Kayla Bowen, Kara Dugan, and Deb Triens all from the ship hunted me out and snuck me on board. “We have an abbreviated uniform we want you to try on. We’re thinking of giving it to the school for next year’s costume for Dort.”

I was naive to change into to it and leave Rob’s clothes unguarded. It was the last time I was dressed as Rob for those two days. Several officials recognized the irregularities but decided not to call any attention to me. One high ranking official did give me a sealed letter. It was from the Secretary of the Navy and thanked me for bringing recognition to our school’s heritage and good light to the US Navy.

Deb Triens adopted me as her little sister for Friday night. We needed to be back on the ship at 22:00. She took me to my first LGBT watering hole. Needless to say, we were there before the night would get wild. Fortunately, to my thinking, my personal identity was not shared other than I was a high school boy in transition.

The next day more than a few visitors to the ship who learned that our school and basketball team was there asked for Dort? It was noon when the ship commander finally said. If someone can find a safe place for you to change I would like you to change into your mascot uniform. But if you would, please be sensitive to the fact your gender identity is a touchy subject and would be better not being brought up.

We were to be there only until 4:00, but at that time if I had one, I bet I posed for at least fifty pictures. Some with crew members, some with our basketball or cheer team. More heartwarming was to see the hundreds of visitors with the ship and crew.

I was woken early on Mother’s day, I needed to hurry down to the Trullo’s as Audrene’s water had broken and Nic was taking her to the hospital, but none of the grandparents were there. I put Marie in her car seat and was to be responsible for her once we were at the hospital until the grandparents were there.

Audrene wasn’t due for almost two weeks, though it was surmised her due date might have been in error. We got there by 8:20 a.m. and it was 9:57 when Marie’s little brother Logan was recorded to have been born. I was feeding Marie when her grandparents arrived and Nic came out to announce that Emily was born at 10:27. Emily Harris for whom baby Emily was named had arrived by noon. Logan was named for one of Nic’s grandfathers.

It was after 1:00 p.m. that I called for my sisters to pick me up. The Grandparents were there both t see the mom and new babies as well as to take care of Marie.

Fortunately, our Mother’s Day dinner reservations weren’t until 5:30.

I don’t think I previously ever had the wit that I had this year to ask or care about my Mother’s memories in being a Mom. I am sure if I had asked; I wouldn’t have stayed around and listened to her stories as I did this year. It seemed ironic as I listened to my mother’s stories focused mostly on her and my sisters and rarely included me.

I knew of her friends, but it was only now that I understood how important her girlfriends were for her especially early in her marriage and around the birth of us, her children. I pondered how important Anne, Therese and the other friends I had made through cheering would be for me in the future.

I was saddened that I wouldn’t be having a baby to fuss over. Knowing the things I had done, I giggled about not being responsible for another like me. I do confess I would have loved having daughters like my sisters.

The school was winding down; there were reports, quizzes, and tests to do or prepare for. I was now getting A’s and B’s in all of my classes. Mom even encouraged me to revisit with my high school counselor to register as Rose, changing my schedule where appropriate for the coming year.

Ms. Nelson became my counselor, unspoken was the fact Mr. Mueller wasn’t comfortable with my transitioning. Ms. Dee Nelson said, “I like you to visit with our Psychologist PhD Akers and do what is needed to get the change officially recognized.” She did encourage me to take the women in literature class and to take women’s health which as a girl is usually taken in one’s freshman year. “I am excited about being your guidance counselor. I’ve been hoping since late January that I might have this opportunity.”

I giggled, “You hoped already then that I might do this. I think I might be more of a problem than it is worth.”

She said, “Just the opposite, I see it as a neat challenge and opportunity. I’ve worked with a few who have come out as being lesbians or gay. Wrestling with one’s gender identity seems even a greater and different challenge from that.” Dee asked me about earlier signs in my life and drew out things to think of that said, Rose was already lurking in my being.

I talked to your friend, Anne Evans once and she recounted a time in first grade when you brought a stuffed dog dressed up in doll clothes.”

I didn’t remember the incident until Ms. Nelson said, “Your puppy dog was named Sparkle instead of Sparky.” I had used a doll dress from Sierra to cover a place I tore Sparkle playing with it outside.

I had forgotten Sparkle because I had a love/hate relationship with it. Especially after other boys heard I called it Sparkle because of its pretty eyes and smile. Ms. Nelson was the first to tell me, “You will probably need to continue to live with your male body for a while.” She explained, a number of men had hurriedly changed with hormone therapy and surgery only to discover that the drastic change wasn’t what they expected or wanted. “Taking your time you will learn some of the risks and challenges. You’ll also gain some affirmations that this is truly what you want.”

She smiled and said, “I not only this is really what you want, but that you will do rather well in the transition. There are so many things you seemingly have stepped through quite naturally. What others saw as a punishment became an opportunity for your inner self¬ to take shape and become visible.”

I found myself enthralled in our discussion.

It was two days later I met with my Psychologist Kristyn Arnold. She amusedly said, “Your new guidance counselor is quite taken with having you as one of her students. She already knows my intention to formally affirm your request to being recognized as a transgender person. With your parents affirming your request; you should be accepted as a young woman entering your sophomore year. …I also hear that Coach House has extended applications to three summer camps for cheerleaders and mascots.”

I corrected her, “No, it was only two summer camps. But yes, it feels nice that she is wanting me competing to be a cheerleader.”

Kristyn and I visited more extensively and Ms. Nelson was correct that I would be expected to keep my male parts for at least the coming year. But that it probably would become a moot point as they might quit functioning before the end of the year.

Kristyn Arnold agreed to give me a formal referral to Dr. Michele Caruthers the Psychiatrist from Brunswick and Dr. Holly Campbell a Gynecologist in the same city to become my doctors for my transitioning.

We knew it might initially get resistance from my Dad for bypassing local doctors and the area hospital. But we’re fairly sure it makes sense that everything not is done locally. My parents have already met Dr. Caruthers and knowing she was very well credential and knew part of my history.

Come to the end of my appointment with Dr. Arnold; I agree she and my mother could visit together regarding my future as Rose.

The following week, I’d get to attend my first and not my only prom as a girl…

Story to be continued…

I had changed into a pair of designer jeans and a blouse that I had received from Deb Triens from the ship. I was going to the salon to get ready for prom night. Going with Anne and Erin, we were getting the works. I had showered using a sister’s bodywash and loved the fragrance as well as how it left my skin moist and supple.

Mrs. Evans picked me up and dropped us off at the salon, having taken before pictures. Teri was my hairdresser and beautician for my appointment. I was in the middle of us three, Erin, Anne and me. We enjoyed our conversations as well as the progress being made on each other. Strangely, I was getting the most elaborate perm of us three while Erin was doing the least.

Our facial and masks are done, my hair was shampooed and conditioned as Teri set to cutting and rolling-up my hair. I was fairly confident of the end product but presently I looked pale and like a lifeless scarecrow. Anne had Teri take several ‘during’ pictures with her phone. There was one picture of the three of us under the hairdryers where we made faces. This was fun that Rob would never have allowed himself to enjoy.

An hour and a half into the process the pins and rollers were coming off and my feet and hands were in solutions and next to be tended to. Being pampered as Erin called it, was something I could become used to. Fortunately, I had taken good care of my nails since last November and Marita said that helped as shaped them to a uniform length. I loved the rich red look with white 1/2” tips.

I had brought a second set of earrings and Teri did a great job in piercing the new holes. Anne had brought me a set of long eyelashes that I didn’t think I wanted. Once they were on and looked natural I again fell in love with the new look I was getting.

Things were coming together as my makeup was receiving the finishing touches and my hair was being brushed out the last time and lightly sprayed to hold. Jaylene stopped at the salon to take pictures she was sending back to the ship. The pictures were not just of me but all us girls. Jaylene was to take one more set when we went to the promenade.

With my sister Sonja being a senior, she was getting the lion’ share of attention today. She was getting ready at the house with our folks gloating over her

My gown was already at Anne’s and that was where we went to finish up. It was now 3:00 o’clock. I had gotten a strapless bra and with the push-ups, I had just enough there to show my breasts peeking out and adding my girlish look.

Her date Jacob had come early for Anne. Despite the fact that she was ready, she had gone to her room to cause him to wait for her to make her royal entrance. She had changed to four-inch heels. It made a greater difference than I had suspected. One could tell by Jacob’s smile that he was very pleased. I enjoyed watching Mrs. Evans grill Jacob about the evening and how he would treat Anne. She was convinced when it sounded like she might have Anne stay home.

Brad was slightly late to pick me up and I had to recomb his hair and brush off the lapel of his tuxedo jacket. That was funny as I had seen my mother and sisters do that. We decided for each couple to go in separate vehicles so we got to show ourselves off.

When we were walking in I could hear people whisper things like: ‘I don’t see any sign of her being Rob’, or ‘I can’t believe she got such a pretty gown.’ Many of us went to the country club for dinner, before going to the Prom itself. I dared not to eat much as I did not want to use the women’s room for more than checking my appearance.

It was a joy to see a row of five girls in front of a mirror, each being at their best.

My sisters had helped me to practice dancing. I laughed a little as Brad and most of the guys didn’t know a third of the dances my sisters taught me. I felt sorry for the girls whose dates didn’t dance any.

I found myself enjoying Brad, he was handsome and his size and strength reinforced I was the girl. I couldn’t believe myself when I gave delicate kisses to his neck or cheek. I felt quite bubbly inside. Several times he turned me and drew me to where he was behind me, wrapping his arms around me. His soft kiss to my cheek or ear sent warm shivers through me.

I got upset when he said out loud that I was prettier than many of other girls there. I knew he meant it as a compliment to me, but my being attractive shouldn’t be others expense. I was outside calming down for ten minutes and it took him another few minutes to understand why and apologized. I almost got elected prom princess for that.

We had a beautiful night, and I did feel like one of the luckiest girls there. One of the joys was going around in a circle on the dance floor with Anne, Erin, and Therese. It was a girl thing and I’m so into being this part of me.

I got home at 2:00 in the morning and stayed awake until after four talking with Sierra and Shannon until I fell asleep while talking to them. I was sure they wanted to know if I lost my virginity to Brad poking himself into my life. But that wouldn’t happen for another four weeks.

Sonja didn’t get home until she had breakfast with a group of friends. I woke up long enough to see her. Despite being tired I thought she was beautiful. I would have liked to be beautiful as she was. It was the afternoon that I finally woke up.

If I hadn’t been on the cheer team, I wouldn’t have taken as much interest in graduation other than to see Sonja graduating. With Sandy and Sharon graduating I was even more interested in Sonja graduating. The emotions of girls I used to think as silly were now whelming up inside.

I would still see Kristyn Arnold as my counselor, and I now saw Dr. Caruthers as my psychiatrist and Holly Campbell a gynecologist as my general doctor. I wasn’t sure how she had in July determined I had become sexually active with Brad until I kind of forced her to answer me. She told me I had bruising and puffiness from his pushing himself upon me.

Dr. Campbell at thirty-something isn’t what I’d consider young but she did have a good way of relating to me. She explained to me that transitioning came with a higher risk of some cancers and other health problems. I had already gone through one bout of depression and mood swings. She in consultation with Caruthers had me on a mild anti-depressive. The three of us agreed I would be on a low dose that along with my counseling made things very manageable.

I think with the depression and the knowledge of different risk my father was still hoping I’d become afraid and go back to being Rob. I credit Kristyn’s help in not becoming angry about ever having been Rob. Instead, I was happy that I was as sensitive as I was and found contentment in being who I was. I continue to like my times alone and think through things. I enjoy music often the same way.

Brad and I stayed close into early August and after we got over some differences would be back as casual friends once school started up. It had been a time of both of us seeking to understand ourselves as well as becoming more socially active.

I was at a mall with Anne beginning our school shopping when she arranged for us to meet up with Therese. Anne knew I continued to have feelings for Therese, but I had a problem with liking a girl a year and a half older than me.

We had gone to Mulligan’s a restaurant attached to the mall when Therese showed up. Anne got up from her seat to let Therese in, and after Therese scooted in she said, “Good-bye. You two need to talk and get over some stuff.” She had driven and just like that she was gone.

Therese smiled, “I guess, she thinks we need to talk and be friends.”

“I think she was tired of me talking about you, but not calling… She knew that I never quite got passed hurting you, and onto the fact, I’ve always had a crush on you. I’m sure you’d rather go out with guys who are at least your age.”

Therese, at that point, found it funny that I was comparing myself with guys. Therese said, “Yes, I find guys attractive. But I no longer see you as one of the other guys. You have your own attraction for me.”

We order an appetizer and some ice teas and talked there for a good ninety minutes. Therese had seen an outfit she thought I would look good in and that began our afternoon of shopping.

When she took me home; I talked her into coming into the house. I thought my sisters would be surprised that Therese was with me. Shannon said, “The surprise is that it took Anne being sneaky to get you together.”

During the summer, I did attend Coach House’s Cheering Camp in June. Even having been on the cheer team, it never occurred to me the amount of training, conditioning and work it took to be a cheerleader. I had dropped seven pounds the first of the two weeks of her camp. She didn’t cut me any slack, knowing I was a good gymnast. She actually expected more. She told me, I was going to improve or not make her cut.

The first day of camp, having been Dort got me some attention. I was not as coordinated as most girls come aerobic exercises and doing routine after routine.

Anne and Jessica Short finally sat me down on the third day. “You’re not getting it. Part of what makes cheering look easy is that it is not as easy as it appears. When you were a boy, you didn’t mind showing you made a tough run or put on an awesome hit on some guy.”

“It’s not the same for a cheerleader, whether it is too hot or too cold. Whether it is two-quarters of routine after routine, people don’t want to see a girl sweating or looking tired. You need to be in such good shape that the hard work doesn’t show.”

Sometime in the second week, I was in the best shape of my life and I felt like I was starting to get it. It was the last day of camp and I was wearing Sharon Moore’s practice uniform. Sharon and Sandy had helped in leading the camp and Sharon were now behind me. “I can’t believe it that you’re the same person who began late last November. My brothers used to be your close friends. Don’t let it go to your head, but you have a chance to become one of the better cheerleaders. If you want I or Sandy could take you over to the university for two weeks and have you go through some more gymnastic training.”

I tried to make excuses for why I couldn’t. The last excuse being, getting back and forth. Shannon, though it wasn’t her university, was doing a history research practicum on the American Revolution there. She told Sandy if she got me into the gymnastic program she’d get me to and from. While the gymnastics were fun as well as work, I wasn’t used to women’s gymnastics or any gymnastics at this level.

Having someone lift me to the unparalleled bars, especially a strong young man was a bit unnerving. I was not only getting used to my new gender but the sexual feelings of my new sexuality. I was finding women as well as men attractive in a new way. And I was fighting old prejudices and stereotypes bouncing around in my head.

It was at the end of gymnastics camp at the university that Brad and I got deeply involved. We were to have gone out with others that Friday night and not to have been at his home. His parents were gone for a long weekend.

We returned to his house because his shirt was torn. Jesting that his body was arousing me, we did end up getting very much aroused. My breasts two months further into my hormone regiment got me more excited than usual. I, in turn, got him excited. Our hips were churning as each of us slipped our hands onto the other’s buns.

I had on a pair of designer jeans with no belt and they were slipping over my rump, even before, I unsnapped the front and started the zipper. Brad knew enough to let our foreplay take its course in getting us hotter and hotter. I was already moaning as I lifted and separated my legs to welcome him.

The first time he forcefully pushed into me; I wanted to yell stop. But soon after he was in me, I began having greater and greater feelings as he moved in and out. The idea of me having an orgasm previously sounded as hollow wishes. With the growing sensation, I knew I was in love. Well, if not with Brad at least with the overwhelming explosion of feelings within me.

It was the last two weeks of July at the Cheers on the Beach Camp that I began to come into my own as a cheerleader. I had gone the weekend before to run on the beach morning and night and play two sand volleyball matches that got my heart and body working in sync.

Brenda Scott, the head coach, and instructor at the camp moved me from the mascot camp and firmly told me to work my butt off and become a serious cheerleader. “Don’t misunderstand me, you are still a young cheerleader and some of these other girls have four-six years’ experience on you. You have the making of a good cheerleader, but you need to begin your focus now. You were the first Dort and no one can take that away from you. Rose the cheerleader is who I want to see you become.”

I don’t know if it was in the last week of gymnastics, the weekend at the beach or the first week of Cheers on the Beach Camp that I was in the condition I needed to be a good cheerleader. We were finishing a double morning workout so we could take off the afternoon of a blistering hot day. When it was over, I was tired but not exhausted.

Coach Scott had talked to a group of the college girls and then called me in to meet with them and her. “Rose, you are coming along quite well, way better than I was anticipating. There is one thing you are in danger of in missing at this camp. That is by having you continue to stay at the Schmidt’s at night you aren’t immersed in being part of the camp. …I do have your mother’s permission for you to move onto the campus full-time and house with these college women. It might not be good from the perspective of you being a maturing teenager, but these girls have said yes to you housing with them. There’s six of them and you would make the seventh woman of the dorm house. Your room for dressing and sleeping would be a glorified closet. There is something to be said to be immersed with other cheerleaders 24/7. I know Ms. House and I both remember our experiences. …You doing this is an individual’s decision and has nothing to do with Ms. House or your school. Do you understand the importance of my saying that?”

She waited until I responded accordingly, “Yes, I understand the decision is mine and has nothing to do with coach House or my high school. It is purely my decision with my mother’s permission.” That being said; by seven o’clock I was moved into the house with Marcie Travers being my big sister. I was also to be wearing my gaff 24/7 and be in total girl mode.

Marcie was a Jersey girl going to Hudson City University in New York City. Along we being your standard college cheerleader attractive and well endowed, she was a chemistry/biology major pulling academic honors. The college cheerleaders had their own program half the day and assisted in training us. Their advanced levels that included dealing with cheer-related injuries and stresses.

I did get to be in the high school program with Anne and Jessica. They were still at a level of experience ahead of me. By Thursday, I was on the Eagles’ cheer squad as I would be for the next eight days. I hadn’t thought about cheering for boys at football games until this camp. My first goal, however, remained to make the squad for the Destroyer’s women’s basketball and volleyball teams.

Coach Scott was right, the 24-hour inundation of being in the community of women was something I would not have known other than in being part of it. The humor, as well as thinking, is somewhat different at the college level. Thinking of guys, other women, and fashion and appearance were all still there. Marcie and others did go out of their way at times to embarrass me. They called it baptism by estrogen. Six of the eight knew of Dort and the Destroyers, but Dort and high school was big fish in a small pond to them.

Marcie and her friend Ashley took me as a personal project. The first night they braided my hair into a hundred braid and had me wear a tank top to dinner. Anne laughed when Marcie said the hair was to stay until Saturday night. I did not know that meant two afternoons on a public beach being scrutinized by boys. It was actually part of the training of being a cheerleader and not responding to the reactions and catcalls coming from others.

I was also wearing short shorts that too was connected to desensitizing us to being out in the public. My whole squad was to wear shorts and had on tops that did not cover our midriff. I guess if you are cheering for football players and wanting to get them energized, this should do it.

By now our bodies were sleek, our tans deep and our cheer routines were worthy of the attention we were getting. Saturday afternoon it became a competition between squads in getting the approval of the public. While Anne and Erin on the Ravens Squad won the popularity competition. Coach Scott said our squad got the attention of a lot of boys. We thought that was good until she reminded us we were tied for fourth. “You actually performed fairly well but your looks interfered with people seeing your performance and cheering for a team more seriously.”

Saturday evening and Sunday, we had free time. Anne’s Raven Squad was up early to run and was again together 4-6:00 p.m. doing routines or exercises. I was awake with Marcie and out running by 7:00. Marcie threw me a wrap-around skirt and a nice blouse as she had us go to 8:30 mass at the Cathedral by the Sea. We were in the ocean by ten and on the beach for the noon meal. Half of us napped until 2:30 p.m. or were enjoying boardwalk shopping as we as being at the ocean edge. I’d like to say I was not among the ones eyeing a new crop of boys and their families here for the coming week. But I’d be telling a half-truth.

Our afternoon running on the beach and beach volleyball was fun. We were now connected to our groups and having fun, more than worried about the attention of others. Not everyone was there for two weeks; Anne, Erin and I were among the forty percent who stayed. Ashley and Emma two new Destroyer hopefuls were among the new group. Many of our football cheerleaders had gone to different cheerleader camps either on their own or their cheerleading coach. Erin and Anne and possibly I were expected to cheer for the football team. Others like Ashley and Emma and possibly me were expected to be on the junior varsity cheer team. When I heard that I messaged Therese I was joining her in going out for volleyball.

Her reply was I should go out for cross-country running or chorus. The truth was the football cheerleaders and I were respectful friends but not close. Sierra wrote to me, “You just as well have part of the school year off. If you want another sport I suggest you start practicing softball. You were a pretty good baseball player.”

The second week of Cheers on the Beach Camp probably solidified my making our cheer team. I had also caught the cheer bug and felt like a cheerleader. I still liked Brady enough that I would do the extra cheer stuff behind the scenes for him and other players.

My Eagles Squad improved immensely during the second week, even with two new members. We got the accolades as the most improved squad come Friday evening on the beach. We were all ready to go home, and the tears and hugs were now something I was coming use to.

My nine days with Marcie brought a whole other round of tears, hugs and indebted thanks. Marcie’s goodbye words were, “I do not want you needing to hide any dangling participle next year.”

While I knew I needed the gaff off for a breather; I hardly ever remember thinking about it.

Sonja was going to Columbia University as a Pre-Med student; it was worth the royal sendoff she was getting. Our grandparents and many of Dad’s colleagues were over for the celebration. The difference was Dad had another younger daughter. I was happy for Sonja but I was biting my tongue and trying to stay one room away from my Dad. He always had to make a pause before introducing his other daughter or thanking me for something I did. I was being a good hostess as my mother instructed me.

I could have gone shopping with friends, or over to Therese’s. Dad wanted me there, but he didn’t want me there as Rose. If I was to be Rob, it would have been with my chest wrapped and a bulky sweater or shirt, neither conducive to August or what my Father was wanting.

I had gone to washing dishes or refilling food trays by 8:00 p.m. It was 9:30 and I was back in the kitchen washing glasses and plates; when my Father chided me for being rude to the guests. There may have been one or two people there that didn’t know my Father was unhappy with me. I turned, wanting to yell at him, instead I cried. “Father, I have a name, if you forgot its Rose. I’ve behaved all afternoon and into the evening doing something good. I’m sorry it isn’t enough.”

Mrs. Betticker came into the kitchen and my father stepped forward and hugged me. Mrs. Betticker said, “I’m glad to see that it is long overdue. You know Doctor she is becoming quite the young woman. She has won over the community during a time when this is such a sensitive issue elsewhere.”

She turned to me, “Young Rose if you were going to college now. What would you be interested in as a career?”

My Father spoke, “You’re right, I have not told her how proud I am of her like I should.” He lifted my chin and said, “I am sorry. It is just so hard for me to change.”

I wanted to say, ‘I understand, I’m only a teenager, but I’m trying.’ I resisted saying that and prayed he was sincere. “Thank you, Dad.”

Mrs. Betticker sent my father away saying, “Give your daughter some room to fix her makeup and collect herself.”

She said to me, after he was out of the room, “You are doing very well. I know Audrene Trullo down the street and others. You can add me to the support you have. Audrene and others are very impressed with how well you are doing in making the transition. Your Father even knows it. He’s so used to getting his way… I was impressed with Shannon. I thought she was the tough independent one. You have a lot of her in you.”

I smiled, our short time together was as helpful as anything that had happened recently.

As Rob, I had been enthralled with the space program. Just then I thought, another booster rocket fired at just the right time. “NASA, it’s a go for the international space station.”

I didn’t learn until after the night was over that Mrs. Betticker taught at the area college with my mother and that Sierra also knew her.

Back with Therese, I found myself with romantic feelings once again. Therese had talked me into going without my breast forms more often. While that reduced my feminine curves, it helps bring the feelings of my girly body forward. Therese was the one with the cooler head. “Rose, you are my girlfriend, but our friendship needs to come first. I can’t afford to lose my grades to being distracted all of the time.

Therese enjoyed being able to get a rise out of my boyhood and even a little more. It was my breasts rubbing against hers and the growing feelings of being a woman that I found that moved me more.

During two visits to Dr. Campbell sperm was harvested from me for the future if I changed my mind and wanted to father children. Holly was supportive and encouraged my progress. She did say my sperm production was now shrinking.

I had started on a class reading list even before school started. Last year I had worked to be a better student, this year it was now part of my discipline. I had also decided to join chorus, but I had to go in the week before school started to take voice lessons that continued during the school year.

The week before school also began tryouts for cheerleading. While making the cheer team wasn’t automatic; I did have a pretty good chance at making the team. Coach House was wanting a larger cheer team which was in my favor.

Jayne Martin who had worked as a helper and behind the scenes person last year was the lead candidate to be Dort this year. She’s a junior and well-liked by everyone on our team. I’m not sure what happened but it was like she blossomed over the summer. While she was still a bit shy, but once she became Dort, she was full of confidence and bubbling with personality.

Three days before School, I was having a consultation including Doctors Arnold, Caruthers, Campbell, my parents and myself. I had blood tests, meetings with each doctor and had actually a good visit with my parents.

Dr. Caruthers and Dr. Arnold we both upfront. Their biggest concerns in moving ahead were unresolved issues I had with my parents and especially my father. “Rose has progressed, rather quickly and smoothly,” said Dr. Caruthers, taking the lead. “Unless we put a complete stop to the way Rose is going. The male presence of Robert will be history by late October or Thanksgiving in November at the latest. Now not then would be the time to make any change. After then, we should be concentrating on her completing her transition.”

Holly had come with diagrams, x-rays if needed, on how my body was already changing and my female characteristics were developing.

While Kristyn Arnold had become my personal ongoing counselor, she was also informed by reports she had on me from the school. “She is Rose as far as the students and staff of the school are concerned. My meeting with her over the summer confirms what Dr. Caruthers stated. Rose, by all accounts you have made great strides over the summer, fitting with a girl your age you have come to flower in the best sense of the expression. I fully endorse you being seen as a transgender woman.”

It was at that time my father asked to speak and it was like the air went out of the room…

To be continued…

My Father and I had gotten along the past week, but when he stood up to speak; it sent fear jolting through my body.

He began to speak, “If this happens, I will be losing my son forever. I don’t think people realize what this means to me. I have worked hard to accomplish all that I have. All I hoped was my son, if not in medicine, would carry on my legacy and name is some way. I have grown and changed my thinking; realizing that Sonja may be the one to do that.”

“Robert was intelligent and capable of making great accomplishments, but Rose has shown she can be swung by emotions. It is not that I would love her less than Robert.”

“It is not that I will block him being seen as transgender and as Rose destined someday to embrace her female identity. I am hurt that it has hurt my image as a respected doctor in our community.” With that, my father sat down.

Dr. Arnold said, “The people who are negative toward your daughter Rose, may be judging you as they do her. I believe, however, as you allow your daughter to move forward and you show support toward her. Your status as a doctor and a father will also rise with even more people.”

My Father responded, “It might be wishful thinking, but that is what I’m hoping. Other than you trusted few, I hope others will never know my hurt. Christine and I give our consent and support to Rose continuing during high school.”

My doctors were pleased to get their consent fully down in any and all documents needed. Mom had seen to it before that the school officials were planning on me to attend as Rose.

Dr. Holly Campbell took me aside encouraged me, “You should arrange to come to the clinic and one last time to give some sperm to be saved for the future.”

Taking it wrong, I gruffly said, “So you’re expecting me to change my mind sometime in the future?”

Dr. Holly understood my confusion, “Oh no. If you would continue to find yourself attracted to women. A special person in the future may want to use your sperm, so the two of you can have children.”

The school year was off to a good start. I was doing well in my classes and continued to find acceptance from most of my classmates. Most teachers and staff were accepting and encouraging. Ms. Hughes said, “It is easy to like a good student.”

It was the end of September when my father stayed home sick. I had things I could be doing. However, my mother requested I go home and check on my dad. Tuesdays through Thursdays were busy and demanding of her work at the community college.

I called out as I came through the door that I was home. There was no response, but that was common for me with my dad. I had hoped I could officially check on him and make a quick change of clothes as I planned to see Therese playing volleyball. Instead, I heard a thump come from my father’s study.

Once there I knocked and paused for an invitation to go in, but all I heard was a moan. Seeing that as normal for him in responding to me, I slowly opened the door and poked in my head. He wasn’t at his desk. Then my eyes went to movement on the floor at the side of the desk. “Dad are you alright?” The droopy left side of his smile indicated what happened. “Dad, I’m here, you’ll be alright.”

I quickly called 911e and requested the help I knew would soon be coming. Hopefully, I was talking calmly to my Dad for I felt very anxious inside. I did like that he recognized me and while I didn’t understand all he said, it seemed like he was thinking.

I called Mom and she was teaching but would dismiss her class at college.

I knew Mr. Dietz and Karen Hart the first EMT people through the door to help my Dad. They had Dad on a stretcher by the time Mommy was there. Mom asked if I called any of my sisters. Then told me that I should have waited.

I called Shannon and she said she would call and pickup Sonja. I text Sierra as she is notorious about not answering her phone.

It was three hours later at the hospital that Dad was up in a private room. He was lightly sedated and it would be morning before they’d have a better idea on how severe the stroke was. Sierra was the first there and Shannon and Sonja were there in the evening.

The initial assessment was the stroke was moderate, but it would take time for him to recover. Dad wouldn’t like it at first, but I, not my sisters, would be the one to help Mom and a care person to help him at home. I was pretty sure my help would annoy him.

If you could consider any stroke lucky, Dad was. His left side was affected, and he was right-handed. His mind was sharper than his speech, but they said his speech should recover well in time. Both his speech and motor skills would need therapy at least into the immediate future. The ability and strength of his left arm and hand were most disturbing to Dad. His leg began responding to therapy even while he was in the hospital, but he still needed a walker to keep him stable.

It was the second Thursday that Dad was home when he had an accident and lost control of his bowels. The Aid helping at home had left and Mom wasn’t due home for over an hour.

It would take a good ten days of my Dad being home before he accepted me as Rose helping him. I had been helping him from day one when he came home. He didn’t want to wait, nor did he want me calling his mother, my grandmother.

I thought it was funny that he had trouble with me helping. After all, I had been a boy and still had all my male parts.

I had got him onto a chair in his walk-in shower. I had changed into shorts and an old t-shirt. It was messy and quite unpleasant. I didn’t know how things could cakes so quickly or manage to get into every crevice and fold possible. While I dried his backside, I was more than willing to allow him to dry as much as he could.

We were about done when Dad asked, “Is it alright if you get things cleaned up in time that we don’t tell others what happened?”

Because he had a change of clothes and a few things mom would notice. We agreed to him having a small accident and a shower that he needed minimal help with. But it was ironic it took such an event to break the coldness of our relationship and my helping him.

It meant I had to work extra hard and quickly to clean up the shower and the chair where he had been sitting. I also did away with much of the evidence by washing clothes.

Mom was sure more had happened, but knew enough not to push for the full story.

Mid-October was the first that our Destroyer cheer team could officially begin our workouts. Going to school early and practicing as a cheerleader was one of my saving graces in keeping my sanity.

While things had improved by November; Dad’s recovering from a stroke was still demanding. A year ago maintain B’s would have made me happy. Now there were three classes I want to get A’s and they were in doubt.

I missed two times of rendezvousing with crew members from the USS Cook. That Kayla Bowen and several other crew members transferred or were promoted, served notice that the Navy like school has changes and turnover.

I was looking forward to being a cheerleader, but the communication I had with the ship was now Jayne’s responsibility. I had Debra Triens, Kent Fox and Jennifer Fields that I kept communications with. I had hoped to help Jaylene Fox with little Heather, and baby Emma more regularly. That was one of many changes hindered with Dad’s recovery.

Tyree Robins was a new crew member that I was surprised to become a friend. She was from Philadelphia and knew some of the families of the boys who were cross-dressing or transgender. I wondered if there were other reasons for her identifying with me, but it seemed it was just that she had a big caring heart.

The Lady Destroyers basketball team was highly rated this year, but another perfect season was not expected. One, they wouldn’t be a surprise to any opponent. While they had a slew of good shooters, they did not yet have the chemistry needed for a top defensive team.

I would miss sitting at the end of the bench of Coach Daley’s team. We continue to be friends but not as close.

Something was making some of the routines and gymnastics more work this year. Finally, Therese took me aside and showed me some pictures during lunch. Therese finally pointed out the obvious. “Rose your hips and breasts are making you a girl. Your center of gravity is changing and your breasts are changing your arm movements.”

It was Thanksgiving and our family was to be together for most of the week. My sisters decided to say something disparaging about me around my Father to see what he’d say. Sierra was the one selected and she said it at the dinner table on Wednesday evening. “Dad, I am glad to see the progress you are making. It must have been hard having Rose be one of those helping you?”

Without hesitation Dad barked back at her, “I hope you’re joking. She has been a bit of a godsend. Don’t think you could have done any better. She saved the butts of the three of you. You would have had to take a semester off. She has helped me, gone to school and kept her grades up. She even disciplined her time on her smartphone with friends.”

Sierra acknowledged, “Yes, I was teasing. I wanted to see what you’d say. I know it wouldn’t be easy for you to allow anyone to help you. She, you and Mom have done quite well.”

Dad asked, “Have the three of you, told her how you appreciate all she’s done?” There was a pause as my sisters were not expecting his question. “Well, I guess not,” he said.

Thanksgiving day, my sisters decided to be the ones help our Mom with dinner. The truth was that I had come to enjoy helping around the kitchen and working with my Mom. Today it was double the fun as I got to visit with my sisters as well.

We again had Jaylene and the little Fox girls over for the holiday dinner. Shannon asked, “Rose do you see how having a little more hip helps in carrying Heather?” I didn’t think the change had made a difference, though I was carrying her and little Marie down the street like that more.

“The change of my body is not that great, it is just enough to interfere and make cheering harder. Saturday the basketball team is taking part in a metro exhibition tournament. Our team will play three different teams for one quarter each. You can come and see me make my debut as a full-fledged cheerleader.”

Sierra tried to say she had a conflict, but our Father spoke up. “I’m going, so you can go as well.”

Jaylene asked, “Will you understand if I just come for one or two of those games?”

I was at one point, holding little Emma and Heather remarked. “That’s funny, she thinks you might be a mommy.” I knew I felt sad but didn’t think it had shown.

Jaylene said, “She didn’t mean anything bad about it. I guess it is too big of a change, I’m sorry.”

I said, “No. That’s not it. The problem is, I will never change enough to be a real woman.”

Mom said, “You are amazingly real as a woman, don’t discount yourself like that. There are plenty of women who won’t or can’t have a baby. They are not any less of a woman. You’ve said at least three times that I know of, that you’re going forward as Rose and no turning back. You sounded positive about who you are.”

A discussion ensued, And even Jaylene shared, “You have a neat way with babies and young children. You have gotten three of us young moms that I know of to believe you understand us.”

Sonja said, “I bet there are quite a few students who now only see you like another girl at school.”

With Therese’s Volleyball season over, she turned her attention to her studies as well as her social life. I was actually a part of both. Therese had taken raising my grades on as part of her assignment. She justified it, “I’m wanting to be an instructor. Tutoring you will be one of my projects.”

While I had already done some shopping online, I was excited about my first Black Friday. We weren’t going out Thursday night. My sisters and I were to one store by 6:00 a.m. to hurry and get the things we wanted. Shannon was the first to find her things and get in the checkout line.

I had checked with Anne’s mom because Anne was sick. I knew an outfit she wanted so it would now be my gift to her to get it. Sierra had shown me a smartwatch she wanted, but other than being jealous I didn’t understand why she asked my opinion about it. I certainly couldn’t afford to get it for her. Therese knew I liked them but, we weren’t getting expensive gifts for each other.

Mom had given me permission to get one nice dress or outfit for myself to begin the holidays. I was able to get a few of the things I hoped to buy, plus I found some bargains that I wasn’t planning on. Come, 9:00 I was done shopping with my sisters.

I went shopping for a few hours with Anne, Erin, and Therese, but that was short as Erin had basketball practice and Anne and I had our session as the cheer team. We had eight cheers ready to begin the season. Sharon, a senior this year was the lead captain and Jessica Richards as a junior was the other captain. Jessica was a very athletic and the quiz essential cheerleader in meeting the public. But it was Sharon and me that were depended on for the tough gymnastic moves in our routines. The hard part this early in the season was to be in sync with one another.

Coach House said we were trying too hard at practice. Sharon and I knew it meant we were well off the mark Coach had set for us. Sharon told me, “Come the first official game, you will be keying off of me. Tomorrow, because I can adjust better, I will key off of you for our first set of flips and where we use the springboard to jump over the others.

I was surprised when I was getting ready for the exhibition games that Dad was up and dressed with our school colors. He said he had one of the promotion shirts from our school. There were shirts celebrating being a basketball player’s parent or for being a cheerleader’s parent. The shirts for a cheerleader’s parent were usually worn only by the moms. I was happy he planned what he would do.

Sierra, like Jaylene Fox, wouldn’t be staying around for all the contests, but it was more than she had first planned. With each of the first two exhibition games, I was overwhelmed with the praise I was getting from family and friends. Seemingly, Sharon and I looked very good not only as cheerleaders but in our two special flips and jumps.

While there was officially no scores being kept, Kaylea and Trisha were hot in their play and basically scored at will. Kaylea’s one shot back at least ten feet from the three-point line drew applause from almost everyone in the arena.

Tiffany Streep, whom I met the year before in the Brunswick hospital, and her half-year-old daughter Megan said hello to me at the tournament. Tiffany was there cheering on the team from her school but went out of her way to greet me. I had only babysat Megan twice, because of my summer activities and then my father’s stroke. I wanted to think Megan knew me, but I knew better despite her smiling at me.

Our school also had a float in Brunswick’s Holiday Festival of Lights Parade. Our float celebrated the girls’ basketball championship. The basketball players, Dort and the Cheer Captains were on the float. I and the rest of the cheer team were walking next to the float waving Pom Poms. I became exhausted and cold once the sun went down.

It was neat to see Jayne’s twist on being Dort. She was a more feminine sailor mascot. She could bark out orders, and a moment later is so sweet I felt her makeup would drip sugar. She had introduced the use of a sailor boy that she’d tease because he came to see girls play basketball. He correctly said at the tournament that he found watching the women athletes much more attractive.

Coach House was actually encouraging football and cross country guys to come to our games. We had a better balance of fans and everyone was working to keep it that way.

I felt good that my Dad had come to the tournament, but Sierra had taken him home early as he was still tired sooner than usual.

While my Father and I were getting along better; he had not completely changed. Especially when he was tired, he would get short with me. He said he didn’t like being helped, but he stilled liked drawing attention to himself, even if it was only for someone’s praise and sympathy.

I wasn’t supposed to know, but when he went to church he didn’t want me to be with him. This week with my sisters around; he pushed me to go to church with Therese or Anne. Anne and I went to church with Therese.

Later, I ended the night over at Jaylene Fox’s. An early snowstorm blew in that afternoon and the power at their house flickered on and off for short times. They had a fireplace, but this was the first time they would use it. I had grown up using our fireplace, so I was elected to stay over at Jaylene’s to help keep the fire burning. Heather and I camped out in their living room.

I would have been late in getting to the school in the morning. But with three inches of snow on the ground, the school was canceled. I cooked bacon, eggs, and toast for the morning breakfast. Jaylene’s gracious thank yous helped me to see that she was like a single parent while Kent was back out on an extended cruise.

Mom and I, however, were able to get to my afternoon appointments with doctors Caruthers and Holly Campbell. I had to have blood drawn for labs. My weight had gone up one pound and I was a half inch taller since they measured me in July. We had small salads for lunch as we’d pick up Sierra at the university and go to dinner.

Holly verified that I had effectively stopped producing testosterone like a boy. My female hormones production had grown slightly, but not so I could stop the hormone therapy that I was on. Holly said, “While your breasts are growing, I don’t want you to think you will be quite like your mother or sisters. If that were to happen, let it be a welcomed surprise.”

She asked me to show her if I remembered how to check my breasts for lumps that could be cancerous.

Mom asked, “Might her breasts be smaller now, because of cheerleading and how hard she’s working her body?”

Dr. Campbell said, “I guess it is possible but there are no studies that show that for transgendered girls.” Dr. Campbell asked and was surprised to learn I had ninety minutes of practice on days we did not have a game. I usually ran another half mile or more a day to keep up my stamina.

Dr. Caruthers visited with me some forty minutes before she asked if it was okay for her to invite my mother in to talk about my hormone therapy as well as how I was doing related to depression/anxiety. She said, “Rose and Mrs. Anderson, I want to commend you on how well Rose is doing? Do either of you have a thought as to why Rose is doing so well?”

Mom and I looked at each other not sure what the other was thinking, though both of us wanted to say something. I let my Mom go first. “Rose’s Dad had a stroke and Rose as well as I have taken up part of the burden of being there for him. He’s not only doing well, but he has also come to accept and even praise her more.”

Caruthers asked, “So does that mean you two are doing really well now?”

Mom and I looked at each other and then I spoke. “We’re doing better. Really well? I hope down the road we’ll do even better. I am sure there are issues there that I need to deal with. Humph… I feel good about being there for him and how far we’ve come.”

Caruthers, “It sounds like you have gone from being a boy to a girl, who is now becoming as a woman.” Mom patted my hand. It was an affirmation and I felt good.

It was nice, in a new way, to have dinner with Sierra near her university. We talked little about Dad; more as three women. It felt good being able to be an adult with my Mom. We didn’t mention it with Dr. Caruthers, but my wellbeing has been impacted with Mom and I doing better.

We walk up to Sierra’s apartment and her housemate Toni recognized me from a picture Sierra has. “Well, I guess it is true that you are blossoming into being a woman. What motivated you to become a woman?”

I thought it was an interesting question and I thought before I answered. “I’m not sure, but once things started; it was like I was embracing who I really am. Being a cheerleader is something I never imagined. Having Sierra and my other sisters were actually something I had imagined. But I never had realistic thoughts this is me until I began to find I am more Rose than Rob.”

There are five people living in the apartment house that Sierra lives. Before we left we were in a group of four of them, my mom and me. It was kind of amusing because Sierra wanted to surprise me with a jersey from the Rutgers women’s basketball team. The visit which was so good just happened.

On our way home, Mom says, “I find it interesting on how others open up to you and see you as just another woman.”

“Thanks, Mom. I think it’s the kind of people Sierra attracts. Sierra has something special that attracts them. They were really open tonight.”

That night and the coming few days I became more introspective. That night, I did a little self-exploring about my changing body. When I was at Therese’s and I found myself lucky to have her as my girlfriend. Anne is the one who amazes me the most. How did I get a friend so precious? Both Anne and Therese are so supportive of me making a constructive transition.

I, on the other hand, have wanted both as Rose and Rob to have made out passionately with either one. It wasn’t just about sex, but a fear of losing either one. Deep down, I am surprised that people love/care about me…

To be continued…

It was the second basketball game of the season and our girls won. That was when I was pulled into the locker room and thrown into the showers. I could hear Kaylea and Trisha saying, “Happy Anniversary!” as I was thrown in the shower. I hadn’t worn my breast forms. So when my cheerleaders top came off; they saw that the girls there were real.

Kaylea was the one to notice and announce, “Look she gets excited like one of us as well.” It was Anne who saved my lower exposure. She had brought in my panties, bra, and outfit. I had not been given permission to use the girls’ locker room yet. But since the team pulled me in, it was deemed that I had the approval of the other girls. That negated any so-called harm.

It was nearly ten when they took me out to celebrate. They had consistently laughed when I asked, ‘What anniversary?’ Anne finally said, “You don’t realize it yet? …It was the second game last year when you officially became part of our team. No one knew it was the beginning of Rose.”

They took me to celebrate. We had ordered and received our drinks when my phone rang. “Hi Rose, its’ Debra, and Lieut. Fields. It’s the dark of morning here. We wanted to say Happy Birthday! We are so happy that you got in trouble a year ago and all the good you brought out of it.”

Jennifer Fields says, “We like the new Dort, but we’re so glad you were the one to bring her to life… I want to know who got you to do the Betty Grable pose. The guys on the ship are happy to slap your cheesecakes.”

“What? That picture was never to have been sent anywhere… Tell me if it was Anne or Therese who sent it?”

I heard Jennifer’s giggle, “Don’t hear what you’re asking. We must be having trouble with the connection. Happy Birthday, over and out.”

I raised my voice, “Anne Evans!”

Anne chuckled, “I don’t know anything about any picture. You’re the one who posed for it, you should take the responsibility. If you want we can send one from the shower room, but maybe it should be sent via the internet.”

I said, “If there are any pictures they all should be destroyed. If anyone posts even one you’ll see all the fury of this girl!”

Kaylea spoke up, “I had already laid down the law before we grabbed you there were to be no pictures. But we do thank you, we have had all wins with you onboard.”

We were getting ready to leave when Police Officer Marcy Haggen-Miller came through the door. She took out a pad like she was going to write out a ticket. She tore one out handing it to me. “You, young lady are one of my better juvenile delinquent stories.” She handed me the notice and asked, “Is it okay, or do I need to write out an official summons?”

I looked and then smiled, ‘She wanted to take me Saturday to buy some clothes. She was offering a $25 gift card if I went.’ “You don’t have to bribe me. You were the one who set the tone to hold me responsible, and you helped to make it a positive experience. I am sure no one, including neither you nor I, expected this?”

Officer Hagen-Miller once again gave me a ride home. I was glad she didn’t use her siren or special lights.

Dad greeted us at the door. I said, “Officer Marcy, you’re the first to see my Dad without a cane or walker.”

With that Marcy exited the car and went up to greet him. She said, “You don’t know, how wonderful it is to see you doing so well.” She turned to me and asked, “Did you know that your father delivered my first daughter Constance.”

Dad said, “And I was glad to hear that they hired her on as a history teacher.”

I silently thought, “Ms. Hagen, the new history teacher, is she your daughter? I have her for World History. She’s awesome, but don’t tell her that. If I’m lucky I might get her for American History next year.”

Officer Marcy said, “She’d probably like it if you could get someone from the USS Cook to speak to her American History class.”

I was a little anxious come Saturday when Marcy Hagen-Miller came to pick me up to go shopping. Her daughter Connie was with her to take me shopping. I wasn’t expecting Ms. Hagen, but I did have contact information for the ship and Lieutenant Fields.

I had done my math related to Officer Hagen and for Connie to have been her daughter. It meant Officer Marcy was either 16 or 17 when Constance was born. I must have been looking back and forth between them enough that it indicated I was thinking something. So they asked and we talked.

While it wasn’t actually a secret, because others besides myself could figure it out. It became a confidential talk as they had concerns about me telling others.

We had fun shopping as all three of us got some clothes. I got a long green skirt that I needed for chorus and holiday concerts.

Several games later, we played the Wildcats, which was a team I remembered playing the year before. Last year, it was a rather easy game, but with a year more experience to go along with their maturing talent; they made a tough game of it. Our girls won 60-56.

The memorable time for me was when their cheerleaders hosted us at half-time. Their head cheerleader Tyree said, “Last year’s captain Struthers didn’t want you, Rose to think, you’re forgotten so we got you a diet book this year.”

I had struggled to keep the pounds off after Thanksgiving, and I have become more appearance conscience. Another problem is that as I am becoming more of a girl, my muscles are changing as well. I could notice a difference since late September that I am not quite as strong. My joints are sore at times and Dr. Holly Campbell says it is because there are slight changes to my skeletal frame.

She had come to see me perform as a cheerleader at the Wildcat game. Which was close to where she lived. She told me, “It had been a month and a half since your last appointment. I noticed a sizeable change and I must say, “It was a joy to see you as a cheerleader. You seem to be handling the transition quite well. It is hard for me to imagine you being Robert.”

I told her, “Yes, but I’ve lost some of my body strength.”

“Well would you like me to put you on some testosterone,” she asked?

“You know that I don’t. You’re going to say that goes with the transition or that there are trade-offs. All I want is a little sympathy.”

She said, “I hope you can be satisfied with the compliment that you are becoming a quite attractive young woman. Now we can begin thinking about how far you want to go in your transition and whether you would want us to move the process along more quickly if possible?”

I said, “With singing in chorus and cheering, will my voice continue to soften. I have become quite comfortable with my voice. I’m a little concerned if I have to worry about it changing as it does with teenage boys?”

Dr. Holly giggled lightly to herself, “I can double check, but it appears your body is adapting and becoming that of a girl. I would suspect your voice won’t be maturing as a young man.”

I am enjoying chorus; though I don’t like hearing my own voice other than to know it is a good girl’s voice. I won’t be singing any solos or duets soon. It is nice to have places that I am seen as an ordinary girl. Even with Therese, I like seeing me as an ordinary girl. We can talk about anything, it doesn’t need to be romantic or personal. Therese introduced me to keeping a diary as well as taking pictures. I made a small booklet from photos I took and others had given to me. The booklet was of last year’s Destroyer’s basketball season and their state championship.

I am not very comfortable with the pictures of me in it. It is obvious to me that I started as a boy dressed to look like a girl. True enough, but it could be seen that first when the women from the USS Cook came I had begun to change. There was one picture with Deb Triens that I noticeably appeared more naturally feminine. Then when we went to the holiday tournament I had begun to relax. Even despite the times, I was hurt; it became more evident that talking to the young boys who cross-dressed or when I was interviewed. Those times began to mean more to me.

Therese and I were looking through the booklet when she commented. “I remember when you became more determined not to let your detractors win. I wasn’t yet thinking you were becoming a girl.”

I said, “I was determined that I wasn’t, but by the end of February I thought I was becoming Rose. I was delaying the time I would quit being Rose. I wasn’t telling people about the pills and extra pills I was taking. Nor did I tell anyone about the feelings I was having with my breasts and nipples.”

I like how this year is progressing with so many things feeling normal to the new me. I was singing in Chorus and there would be more than the holiday concert. I hadn’t remembered they sang at the elementary schools or the middle school. There were two assisted/independence living residences and a care center that we’d sing at. Between chorus, cheer practice and games, I had to work hard to keep up with my school work.

There was a one hour protest on a Thursday morning that I was part of for the LGBT Club. Principal Evans told me, “Rose, as a member of the Cheering team, you are not to be taking part in such things.”

I asked, “What is going to be the consequence, because the protest is not only about me, but other students who are different? How can I not take part?”

She said, “If you stop right now, there won’t be any punishment. I think others in the group will understand. But if you don’t stop, you will be suspended from the team for a week, if not longer.”

My eyes teared, but I softly said, “I hope it will only be for one week, but people need to understand this is serious for us. The other students protesting need to be heard. My part may be insignificant, but I don’t feel like I have a choice.

Cece and Georg, two leaders of the protest, tell me, “It is okay if you quit the protest. We’ll understand.”

‘Yes, but what if they were in my shoes?’

“Cece, last year, you told me that you didn’t want my actions mocking those who see themselves different. I didn’t understand that well then.” I gave her a hug, “I had sisters, who stood up and helped me. I want to be a sister with you and the others this year because I do understand better.”

Cece smiled, “I appreciate that, but what if they don’t allow you to sing with the Chorus?” No, one had said anything about that.

It was an hour later that I was called in to see my Guidance Advisor and Principal Evans was soon there. “Miss. Anderson, I called you in to tell you of the consequences of your staying out of class in protest with other students. Both the Cheer Team and Chorus are honor programs carrying higher standards for participation in them. You will only be suspended from participation on the Cheer team for a week and the two programs the Chorus has this week. But you will be ineligible for either if there are other violations this year. Do you understand?”

“I understand what you are saying, but I have a letter I’m working on to the school as I think it is unfair. I feel you have generally been fair to me and I have lived with the consequences of my actions as you know. But others don’t feel they have received fair treatment or been accepted into the general life of the school. The protest this morning was done with the minimal effect to the normal school day. If I and others can’t protest after this has previously been brought to the attention of the school. It leaves smaller populations of the school community vulnerable to their issues not receiving proper understanding.”

“I have disciplined myself to bring up my grades and to participate in school activities that are as much for the benefit of others and to represent the school, as much as my own benefit. Punishing a student for being a good citizen seems contrary to what good citizenship means.”

“I am addressing my letter to you Principal Evans, Superintendent Miller, and The School Board Members. I haven’t had a chance to proofread and to refine it as might be needed. It won’t be ready to hand in until tomorrow.”

My Dad had gone back to working part-time by this time, but he was home by the time school was over for the day and I was able to get home. Dad greeted me. I could tell by his speech that he had news of my protest.

“I can’t believe it, Rose. You have been doing so well, why did you have to do something to cause trouble? You have gotten the respect of others, do you really want to throw all of that away? That doesn’t even say anything about how it reflects on us as a family.”

“Dad, I’m accepting the consequences of my actions, but I think there’s more to it. Others are not being treated as fairly as I’ve been. If anything, it feels like they’re getting some of the animosity that might have been directed to me. But my concerns were more in the eye of the public.”

Dad said, “I agree that Altria’s case could have been treated more fairly. But I’ve been told I don’t know or understand all the facts. The information on the others is similar.”

“Dad, that’s it. We’re always told such things, but Mr. Batey has had problems with certain groups of students before Shannon had him as a teacher. There’s no record of him even undergoing the sensitivity training of regular teachers. Someone who has a record of perceived problems would seem to be a teacher they’d make sure took the training.”

I continued, “I for one would like to take one of the classes he teaches, but I won’t if he’s teaching it.”

My Mom had come in behind me, and she must have heard enough of what I said. She said, “Yes, I thought his literature class would be good for you, but I resisted suggesting it to you for the same reasons. He supposedly was close to retiring when Shannon had him as a teacher. People said that is why they didn’t press for the training.”

I said, “If it is okay, I’d just like to relax for a while and not deal with all of this right now.”

I was soon to my room, out of my school clothes and down to my panty and bra. I was on my smartphone talking to Therese, texting with Anne and see another text from a Scott Trope from another school. “I saw you when you were here to play the Wildcats… If I came to your girls’ basketball game Friday could I have time to talk to you?”

I felt a little guilty talking to Therese as I wanted to text Scott and say, ‘Yes’. If he’s the guy I saw at a distance. He seemed to be talking when I saw him, but I didn’t think he had been trying to talk to me. The timing would work as Therese was to be off making a couple of college visits.

I was up and to my closet taking a dress and holding it in front of me and I looked into my mirror. ‘Yes.’ Some thoughts and feelings were changing in me. There were times I get excited and tingle a bit inside about some boys. It is happening more with me. I know Therese has looked at a number of boys and even dated a few. But I told her she was the only one for me.

Therese’s voice became louder over the phone, “You’ve gone from talkative to being distracted what’s going on?”

I tried to cover myself, “I was just focusing on listening.”

“That’s funny as I was waiting for you to say something back. What was the last thing you heard me say?”

“Um, um. …I’m sorry, I guess I was distracted, my mind went black.”

Therese said, “Was it about a boy?”

“No! Why would you say that?”

She said, “One you got a little short just then. Plus, we talked about it. You deny it, but you’re noticing boys more than you did. Didn’t your counselors say it might happen as your testosterone level went down? There’s no getting around that you’re more girl than Robert was.”

Therese said, “You don’t need to answer if you’re uncomfortable, but don’t lie either. Is it some guy in particular?”

‘Damn! Whether I say no and she finds out later, or, if I’m quiet, the conclusion is the same…’ “I had just gotten a text from a guy that was at the Wildcat game. But I don’t even know him.”

She asked, “Do you think it was that boy who we saw looking at you several times… I think it’s funny. Lord knows I tried to make sure he knew I was with you. But he was cute, I have to say that. If a girl was going to admit she likes boys, he could divert one’s attention.”

“When and where does he want to meet you,” she asked?

“Why can’t she be quiet and let us talk about something else.”

My phone went dead, she hung up. Minutes later phone rings again and now it’s Anne and Therese. Anne speaks up and said, “I wondered what was happening. Too bad I needed to hear it from Therese and not you… I told Therese an ideal solution is to meet him at Friday’s game. You could even sit with him since you can’t cheer… Oh, by the way, our squad understands and kind of sides with you. We don’t, however, want you to goof up and get thrown off the cheer team. That would cause major trouble.”

Therese asks, “So when did he want to see you?”

I’m frustrated that they’re ahead of me again. “He wants to see me after the girls’ game on Friday. But I might be grounded.”

Anne said, “I and my mom will speak to your parents. I can’t believe they’d really ground you for that…”

To be continued…

I called both Shannon and Sierra to get their thoughts on my punishment and what I might do about Scott. They were both in agreement about the latter, that I should strongly consider meeting with Scott or be open to going out with another boy. Shannon said, “I knew at Thanksgiving you were becoming more interested in boys. But I wasn’t sure if you had belated thoughts about letting go of Robert. My understanding was that was water gone by. I didn’t know how to approach the subject with you. I am glad you are open to others in your life.”

Sierra spoke more to my part in the protest. “You know they have a tradition on their side and they’re not going to be open to changing that. I like how you are making a statement. …If someone agrees with you, instead of changing their stand understand that they’re more likely meet with the others or minimize your punishment. If I were you, I wouldn’t be holding my breath for either to happen.”

I did learn later that both sisters communicated to my parents that they should be outwardly supportive of me. I didn’t know about that until Principal Evans spoke to me two days later at school.

I text Scott and found out he was the one I was thinking about. I agreed to meet him on Friday an hour before the girls’ basketball game at the Bluebird Café on highway 28.

I later panicked a little, worried that Coach House would have me sit behind the cheer team.

Apart from hearing that my parents spoke up for me, school was fairly normal. Yes, I was at school by 7:00 a.m. for cheer practice and at 8:05 for my voice lesson. As I’ve said, “I won’t be singing any solos or duets, but I do enjoy that I have a girl’s voice. Therese being a bit of a perfectionist pushes me to get better and better. That sometimes gets to be a bit much, like I will never measure up. Anne says, I’ve become too sensitive and need to just chill.

It was Friday morning that Coach House said, “Your suspension from the cheer team would only be for tonight’s game. And you should contact the Chorus Director. She may want you to be singing today at Western Hills Independent Living. I guess your Grandma Anderson will be looking forward to you singing there.”

“But I don’t have my long skirt and satin blouse?”

Coach smiled, “That’s why you better check with Director Wanda Gibbs and then quickly call your mother.”

When I called my mother, she said she’d have what I need to school by lunchtime. She said that even she and Grandma Nobil would be at the concert. She reminded me, my sisters and I would be singing at Grandma Nobil’s church before Christmas.

With all the fuss of changing and getting ready I only ate half a small sandwich and drank some water. I tried to complain to Anne but got cut off.

Anne said, “With all the fuss it takes being a girl. This sometimes happens, deal with it.” I like being a girl, but it is taking more to get used to it.

The concert goes well, but I was alarmed that my Grandfather Anderson was sitting in a wheelchair. I know he is eighty, but this was the first time I saw him needing such assistance.

When my eyes dampened with tears I was glad no one told me to toughen it up. It was four years ago that Granda Nobil died. And then I was told just that plus. My Father had told me to toughen it up and act like a man.

The fourth song everyone in the chorus was told to find a person to sing to. Needless to say, Grandfather was my choice. We sang White Christmas and were pretty sure the audience would end up singing with us. I felt like a little girl singing to my grandfather that it caused goosebumps. It gave me a deep joy down inside of me. I gave Grandpa a kiss on the cheek before our chorus group reformed on the rafters.

The local newspaper and the Brunswick Public TV station both were there taking pictures. Diane Priestly came to interview me as she knew me as Dort. I politely said, “There are others more fitting for your attention today.”

Diane said, “But I still want to interview you a little. You are a human interest story and your journey might part of a documentary someday. You and your community are helping some other communities and schools to progress more quickly. That’s newsworthy with us.”

We were late in getting back to school and I was late getting home to change. I was surprised to find Sierra home. She had taken one semester exam and had two more next week. Two professors excused her from two other exams because she had solid A’s in their classes. That was true of another class, but she was still expected to take that final exam.

She said, “Shannon and I thought it would be nice if one of us were here today. We know you’ll do fine. We just wanted someone here for you to talk to at the end of the night.” Sierra said.

I said, “Thanks, it’s kind of cute but I do have Anne and other friends.” I take a quick shower, keeping my hair dry. I had laid out my dress and delicates. I pat myself dry and put on my panties and bra, taking a side view of my butt.

“Sierra do you think, I’m getting too big in the hips or butt?”

She lightly giggles, “No, and by the dress, you’ve chosen. I can tell you ‘re quite happy with the curves you have and your shrinking waist.” She continued, “I think the dress is a nice choice.

“Changing the subject, Mom said, you and the chorus sounded very well at the Grands’ Living Center. She said, you even sang to Grandfather and gave him a kiss on the cheek.”

“Did she tell you that he was in a wheelchair? It shocked me, I didn’t know he had fallen and hurt himself.”

I met Scott at the Bluebird Café at 5:15 and he treated me despite my saying I’d pay for my own. Scott’s sister Jacqui is on the Wildcat team. He had seen me last year as well as this year. He said, “I saw you at a mall this past summer as well as two weeks ago. I know you had to be a girl inside before all this began. So I was hoping you’d go out with a guy like me.”

I said, “Are you trying to justify why you’d go out with me, or that I’d date you?”

He turned red and stuttered and was getting ready to get up. I presumed he thought embarrassed himself. I reached to his hand, “Don’t put yourself down or justify why you’re asking me. If you think you like me and want to date, just ask?”

He said, “But I didn’t want you to think I was gay or something like that.”

I said, “If gay is bad, you might not like my friends or me. I’m hoping you’re just awkward because you don’t date much.”

Scott says, “I have two sisters, Jacqui’s my twin. I’m used to talking with girls as friends. Jacqui set me up on a previous date. No, I’m not used to asking.”

“I have three sisters’, I know it is easy enough to become friends but different to talk with a girl more seriously.” Soon enough it was time to go to the game. He drove me to school. Seemingly he and Jacqui shared the car as her touch was hidden away, but not so well.

We were going to sit up higher in the bleachers to blend in with the crowd. Anne knew my intentions. We were about to walk up the bleacher when Sharon called to us, “You might as well sit over here two rows behind us. You can lend your voice. There’s no hiding from the others looking for you.”

Scott said, “We might as well; I kind of like hearing you cheer. Hopefully, you don’t need to help with each cheer. I didn’t think, I’d see you until after the game anyway.”

I think Scott was kind of surprised that he liked watching and rooting for our team. Thankfully while West Warren is one of those teams that could beat us; it didn’t happen tonight.

He heard my stomach rumble twice and knew I had not eaten much. Instead of getting something to eat with others; he took me to a dinner three miles closer to his home. He didn’t mind driving me back to my home, especially since I agreed to see him again.

He wasn’t sure if he should kiss me or not, so I set him up. I turned to him, hoped my eyes sparkled a little in the light and pressed my hand to his side. He actually asked me if it was alright to kiss me, though his eyes we already closing and his lips puckering to kiss me. It was a warm kiss and it felt good being in his hug.

Since the girls’ played first tonight, even with the food stop it was barely 10:00 when I walked into the house. I had texts from Anne, Jayne and another unidentified, Mom and Dad were waiting in the living room and Sierra was soon coming down to get to me first.

She tugged me and I went with her upstairs to our bedrooms. “So Lynn said, ‘He’s nice looking and she thought you like him.’ Tell me more.”

I said, “You had people spying on me?”

Sierra giggled, “I thought it better than to be there watching over my little sister. Now, why don’t you tell me?” We talked but my limited answers served notice I wasn’t to be spied on.

While we were talking, Mom came upstairs and talked with us a short time. And then she insisted I go down and talk with her before Dad went to bed or do his own thing. As soon as I said, I thought I felt like a girl inside; my Dad was up and out of the room.

My Father and I are better, but neither of us is fully comfortable around the other for long. I hoped what I said would make him uneasy and it did. I was uncomfortable talking about my growing feelings with him. I told my Mom, “Scott is a nice guy for breaking the ice, but I don’t think we will date a long time.”

I was texting Anne as she had expected us to follow them to the gathering spot. She indicated that she was sure I was taken with him, which I profusely denied.

The girls kept their winning streak alive as we traveled to a tough conference game on Tuesday. I had sung at both elementary schools that morning. I watched the eyes of the boys and girls as Kaylea from the basketball team sang. She has a very good voice but it was with the tenderness she showed that impressed me and I believe it was a new side of her for many.

It wasn’t until after the game and we were riding home on the school bus that I dared to ask about it. She mentioned how she sang at her church and a small girl responded to her when she sang. She said, “I saw in her eyes what I felt. It was like a metamorphosis happened and I could be more than a basketball player.”

I said, “I’ve seen you being intense and focused, but it was like this was a side you had hidden away.”

Kaylea said, “I hoped you would ask me about it. I thought you were someone who might know how I was feeling inside.”

I said, “One of the strange things for me was I was afraid of my feelings. I hadn’t liked feelings before and it was hard to let them just be there.”

Kaylea quickly hugged me, “Exactly, I felt the same. Part of being in control was, I was controlling my own emotions which meant I didn’t show my tender side.”

My sisters were home from college and we were to go out shopping as well as practice singing for Grandma Nobil’s church. I had my concert on Thursday and they were eager to see me in Chorus. During the first half of the concert, I was half of the girls that wore our long green skirts. There was an intermission and interlude that the orchestra played for.

Those of us wearing green skirts, we needed to change to our long red skirts. I nearly had a panic attack, worrying that someone would notice my boy parts. Not that there was anything worth noticing, but more that I was still somewhat different from other girls.

Shannon would later ask, what had caused my tension early in the second half. Thankfully I calmed down as we sang again.

One of the joys Thursday at the concert was to see Jaylene Fox, her two daughters with Kent being home. He was due to get out of the Navy, but I wasn’t sure if that was yet official. Come, the end of the concert I was too anxious to find out. Instead of looking for family and friends, I went directly to them.

Kent said he had yet a month to serve, of which he would work with area recruiters. He had worked with the boilers on the ship as well as integrating computers with the running mechanisms of the ship. Heather was wrapped in my arms, as her dad shared a word from the USS Cook to our team. The names of the ship’s crew were becoming more and more familiar. Kent said the same was true for the crew with us.

He said, “We’ve heard from two other ships who have connected with schools and teams. While their experiences are good, the Cook is sure we have it much better.” He said, “Denise, on one of the other ships is hoping her community can be for her like this one is for us.”

I joked that she should transfer to the USS Cook. Kent indicated she had seriously considered that. But then he got serious, “You don’t realize how many of us went into the service either to get lost or to get things together. We come from not so warm backgrounds. Even pretending it could be better is a coping mechanism.”

I needed to sit down as it was hitting me, one of the special things a year ago was the crew of our ship was that for me. My identifying with Jaylene, Audrene Trullo, and their little girls allowed me to ease in to being Rose and be accepted.

Mom and others thought my sitting down was an indication I had been doing too much. Shannon knew better saying, “What Kent was saying hit close to home didn’t it? You are doing pretty well in your adjustment, but you’re not Super Woman.”

Being understood helped me to recover. It also allowed Shannon and I later talk about my panic when I changed skirts. Mom and Shannon had both walked back with me to get my other skirt, my purse, and things.

We had our last cheer session the following night. It was the last basketball game before exams and Christmas break.

Jayne, this year’s Dort, gave an update on communication from the USS Cook. She even arranged for the announcer to give a welcome to Kent and Jaylene and the Fox family. There was applause for their plans to stay and live in our community. It was extra cute as both their Heather and Audrene Trullo’s little Marie were sporting little cheerleader outfits. They were becoming the unofficial mascots of the cheer team.

I know the nosy Ms. Hillbrund was surprised when Audrene allowed me to change her baby’s diaper. Old lady Hillbrund asked, “Audrene, do you really think allowing Miss Rose to change your baby is wise?”

Audrene stood a bit taller than usual and her voice changed. “I’ll have you know we’ve known Rose for a while. I even helped train her as the fine woman you see today. Yes, without reservation I think it is very responsible of me to have such a fine young woman and neighbor care for my girls!”

I turned my head, “There are boys who babysit and do this quite regularly. It must hurt to have someone question their motives for no reason.” Ms. Hillbrund did apologize; I could only hope it was sincere.

Sharon and I did one of our more elaborate gymnastic maneuvers of the season and were very successful. I was pleased as it meant I was getting used to my ladies and my new abilities and limitations.

It was also nice to see Kaylea leading the basketball team in signing programs and talking to people for a short while after the game.

Saturday, we were up early enough to pack and get ready to go to Grandma Nobil’s. My sisters were tired of wearing the more traditional red dresses. We stopped where we shopped for my red dress the year before. There were two-midnight blue skirts that we were liking. One was a solid shimmering blue skirt and the other was the same dark blue but with what looked to be a light blue color dawning around the hem of the skirt. Shannon and I both bought a shorter dark blue skirt with rays of sparkling silver streaking up around the skirt.

The same as last year, we were to Grandma’s church Saturday evening to rehearse. There were a handful of members doing things that stopped to listen to us. This year we were to be singing another song during worship as well as singing as people processed out at the end of the service.

Before church Grandma surprised us with new silver necklaces. Though they alone were more than she should be giving; she said they were only part of our Christmas gifts.

New to this year there would be two services and a community brunch between the two services. Come Sunday morning I was again surprised as Sharon and Therese had come to the church.

Surprising about the brunch was that someone had paid for various ingredients the week before. The brunch was free, but monetary donations went for fuel assistance for the elderly and single-parent families.

I asked Grandma, “How can your church afford this? I thought this was one of the times churches received a lot of their money.”

Grandma Nobil said, “Three short years ago we were afraid we’d have to close. But we have new life. Pastor Cheryl said, ‘It was an opportunity to live by faith again.’ The more we think of others and greet people warmly; it seems like we are more alive and growing.”

After the first service, two girls showed me an internet posting from our newspaper. It was entitled ‘She’s a Woman Now’. It was an addition to their segment on the LGBT news that was in a newspaper article. Tiff, a girl I had met the year before, said, “Sometime when you’re going to come to your grandma’s you need to come a night or two before. We’d like to get together with you on our own.”

Sharon chimed in, “She’s to be here until five today, I’m sure we could go to something for a couple of hours today.” Therese, Sharon and I would go out with Tiffany, Cheresse and two other friends but it wouldn’t be until 3:00. Sharon and Therese were invited to eat with us at Grandma’s. I hadn’t modeled my shorter skirt yesterday. I did so for Grand, Sharon, and Therese.

It was nice to have Sharon and Therese there, but it was like Therese and I were becoming best friends again. Even when she hugged me it was more out of routine than strong feelings. Later when we went out with the others and separated into teams, she was part of the other team with the only boy Todd. When Tiff showed affection to me, I could tell it was okay with Therese. It was a time we knew was coming and it was actually something I was hoping for as well. But it hurt that this part of our relationship was ending.

Mom and Dad drove with Sonja back to our house and I rode with Shannon and Sierra. I had notes on my tablet to study for my final exams. It used to be that I couldn’t study and take part in conversations. But I have gotten better at it as Rose. Sierra and Shannon even tested me from what they could remember. I was surprised on Monday how many of their questions had come up on the exam.

Once home, after the exam, they teased me mercilessly as they helped me to study for the next day. They had seen my Christmas list and went through their closets to give me discarded clothes that they said was like what I asked for.

They tried telling my parents that they gave me most of what was on my gift list. I was afraid that my parents would take them seriously.

I thought I was in danger of getting a B in history, but when I showed up for my exam Ms. Hagen-Miller asked, “Why are you here to take the exam? I told you those with a solid ‘A’ didn’t need to take the exam.” It would have been the first exam, I hadn’t taken because of superior grades.

I had to stay until the afternoon as I had another final exam that one in math.

After that exam, I went to the school’s fitness center. Several other cheerleaders were also using the elliptical and small weights to stay in condition. Technically, an organized practice or workout was prohibited during exams, but I felt the need to work off some calories and to stay limber.

Thursday was my last exam and after Scott was taking me out for Pizza. Some boys that gave us a little grief inside the pizzeria were out by his car when we came out. I made the mistake of getting in the way of one who wanted to mark up his car. When I was hit and shoved aside, Scott tried to protect me and the boys then attacked us.

One boy made the mistake of not only calling me a girly-boy but marking it on Scott’s car. That would make it a hate crime. What I was reluctant to tell anyone at the hospital there was something more disturbing that would leave a scar on me…

The good news was People in the pizzeria called the police; the bad news was no one came out to stop what happened…

To be continued…

When the County Sheriff came out so did the people to look and now say it was a shame. I heard one woman, wanting to be the one to describe the most gruesome part. “Those mean boys even kicked her high on her legs. One boy even knelt down and said something awful. I could not only see her pain, but as another woman could feel it.”

I was at the hospital and had my initial examination when I asked them to could call Dr. Holy Campbell or Dr. Caruthers. They told me, “We’re better prepared to handle this situation, maybe you can see one of them tomorrow, if you are kept for observation.”

My temper was already boiling about what happened; I didn’t need to be pacified and be spoken down to. I said, “That might be, but I am requesting whichever one is the handiest to see me be told I’d like to see them if possible. Even if that is not convenient to them or you!”

Dr. Holy was in the hospital with another patient in stress and came to me as she was waiting on some tests for her other patient. She was empathetic from the start even before I told her what I hadn’t told others yet. “Dr. Holy after they knocked me down and kicked me. The one named Jared put his hand up my skirt and…” I began to cry, though I fought it. “…and he groped me. He even got in my panty.” Then I began to cry uncontrollably.

She turned to the Emergency room Physician who was upset with me. “Since her panty is still on; I am guessing you didn’t take any swabs of her body parts there.”

The Physician said, “She was kicked in the leg, what did you want me to do? Check for heel or sole residue?”

Dr. Holly stepped away from me with the other doctor and calmly, though forcefully explained. “She was manhandled. She needs to be checked and the police need to be notified there was more to the encounter. And there is no maybe about her being kept overnight! I formally request that she be admitted as my patient to the OB/GYN floor. I want at least two rooms between her and my other patient, __. She will be down the hall where everyone won’t be walking by.”

I wasn’t in terrible pain by the time I was to my room, as I was already on some pain meds, but I was shaking. The next day, I was angry about having my penis. I had wanted in a hurry to have it removed.

I had lost my interest in cheering, Christmas, and the company of family or friends. Dr. Caruthers had come and I thought I was processing things, but I guess not really. It was to be my last day at the hospital and Doctors Campbell and Caruthers visited with me together with my parents and Shannon.

They had the forms needed for my request for special permission to have my unwanted penis removed and a vagina to be formed. I was told I needed to heal before I could have the surgery. I also had second thoughts about having the surgery.

They were reading the forms and explaining things, as I was thinking to myself. Then I began to talk and cry at the same time. “I just want to be a regular girl. The penis is not that important. Why can’t I go for pizza and it not be a special issue?”

Shannon held one hand and I held a cloth I could cry into in the other hand. I turned to Dr. Holly and asked, “If I wear nude tights do you think I would look fine as a cheerleader?”

Holly didn’t argue, “Do you really think that is a good idea?”

“It would be good for me, if the team didn’t mind." It was more mental and emotional than physical. "Being active, will be better than being home sulking.”

Dr. Holly said, “If you have three good days in a row, I will consider giving you permission.

I knew Anne was out in the hall and I was hoping Scott would be by to see if I was up to a visitor. He had given me a large stuffed lion and someone had put a sailor hat on it.

Shannon and Anne walked me down the hall and we talked. I would be released after 2:00 and Scott made it there after my lunch. He felt bad that he hadn’t been able to protect me better.

He wouldn’t say it, but he wished I hadn’t tried to protect his car. Shannon and I had talked previously, she wondered if it was a natural reaction for Rob to try protect his friend’s stuff.

I thought it was Rose hoping they’d respect her as a girl not to hurt her. We agreed that was not a good decision since they weren’t seeing me as a girl.

Once we were home, I was thankful for a shower at home to get rid of the antiseptic smell of being in the hospital. Once I was downstairs with my parents and sisters around me, Sonja presented me something bundled up in a towel. It moved as I took hold of it. I opened it up as it was squirming out. She’s a precious Brittany spaniel predominately buff and white. My sisters were in unison as they said, “You need someone to love and love you back with no questions.”

I wasn’t immediately sure I wanted a puppy, but I could not help love her kisses and wanting to snuggle her in my arms and up to my face. I took her out back and she quickly went to the bathroom.

Shannon was one to first ask, “What’s her name going to be?”

I and others tossed out name after name: Buffy, Brittany, Honey, Jessa, Girl, and more. Someone mentioned Nala and it meaning ‘beloved’. I liked Honey because of her buff color hair, but thought too many of my parents’ friends call the other ‘honey’. Someone mentioned our new friends on the USS Cook. Ensign or Captain could work, but Dad said, “She needs a long distinctive name to go along with her pedigree.”

“I am not having a presumptuous name; it needs to be sometime like Cookie Queen of her Royal Navy.” Shannon immediately says, “I like it!” Everyone chimed in agreement.

There was a knock on the door, but the person didn’t wait to come in. I knew it had to be Anne or Grandma Nobil and it ended up being both. Grandma was going to stay overnight and Anne was just being herself. Cookie made her presence known. She jumped to Anne and then back again as Anne sat next to me. Grandma took a picture of her first great grand puppy.

We celebrated with pizza and then ice cream but I resisted the fudge and whipped cream toppings as I splurged too much when I was more deeply depressed. I was glad when everything settled down and I could go to bed. Like other girls, going to sleep included time chatting via social media.

I was soon tired and happy that Cookie was exhausted too. She was better than any stuffed animal as I fell asleep with her snuggled next to me.

Shannon was happy come the morning, saying, “Rose slept better than any time I’ve been around recently. Cookie and she got along really well, both slept straight through.”

I was happy to take Cookie out, once she had done what was necessary she jumped around and played. While she wasn’t accident-free she did very well. Cookie is adorable with her floppy ears and big eyes. Whether I was stretching on the floor or standing she was bouncing around or on me.

The cheer team stopped by and they soon had me up doing cheers with them. It wasn’t without some tears, but I was happy with how well I did. Sharon said yes to the use of nude tights for a week to ten days. That would last into the holiday tournament at Cherry Hill.

I treated myself to going down the street to visit Audrene Trullo, little Marie, and baby Stephanie. Audrene was delighted that I brought Cookie. “I am glad you allow Marie to come and visit you and Cookie. She so wants a puppy or kitten but Nick and I want all our children a little older so a pet can grow up with them.”

She brought out some cookies and milk as we watched Marie and Cookie playing together. I could talk with Audrene in a way that was easier and more open than I did with other adults. She was direct, yet loving. “So when do you think you want your surgery?”

I said, “Well if I have it over spring break, I will probably only miss a few days of school. And then I’d be able to enjoy the summer as a regular girl. But if I wait for the summer, I would have the who summer to recuperate. Maybe sometime in July I would look good in a regular swimsuit.”

Audrene took time to nurse Stephanie and I held Marie on my lap. I was soon juggling Cookie and Marie. Audrene asked, “Are you glad that your hips are already giving you a girly shape?”

I guess I knew it but I had wondered because others hadn’t said anything. I stood up and there I was balancing Marie on my hip as I was holding onto Cookie as well.

Nick, Audrene’s husband, had come into the room and he too complimented me. “Rose you’re becoming a very attractive young woman. You’re almost as beautiful as my wife.”

Audrene had finished nursing Stephanie and raised her up so Nick could burp her. I was invited to stay for supper and it was snowing when I took Cookie out to be a good girl outside. It is nice to be someplace I don’t have three sisters or friends I have to share with. It was seven in the evening when there was a ring at the door. It was Sierra and she had brought me some sleepwear and a change of clothes for tomorrow.

I got to see what Marie was getting for Christmas as I helped Audrene to wrap Christmas gifts. My pajamas were warm and modest. We put Marie to sleep at eight and Audrene told me I would need to go to sleep at ten. She didn’t want me to wake Marie. “If you wake Marie up at eleven or later; she is terrible in getting back to sleep. You remind me of my younger sister Carly. I loved coming in and saying goodnight to her when I was responsible for watching her.”

I jumped into the role of little sister and said, “I’ll do it if you’ll give me a goodnight kiss and tuck me in.” That was already Audrene’s intention.

It was nice to stay up talking with her and Nic. He was an environmental engineer and they both had a strong concern for wildlife and the environment. Come ten, I took out Cookie one more time and then we were in bed. Audrene sat next to me on the bed. She said a little prayer for me like I was a little girl. “Lord help her to be patient and take time to grow into the person she’s becoming. Help her to know she’s a beautiful young woman deserving of friendships and even romance. May she respect herself and enable others to do the same. I thank you that Marie holds her up as a person she wants to be like. We pray for her family and now a good night’s rest. Amen.”

She tucked in the blanket around me and gave me a kiss on my cheek saying goodnight. I said, “Good night Aunt Audrene.” She loved hearing it as much as I loved saying it.

After breakfast with Marie, I took Cookie and we went home. I took a bath, and was happy to see my bruises were beginning to fade.

Anne and I went to buy the last of our Christmas gifts. We stopped at Anne’s house and she insisted I come into the house. When her mother stayed with us in their living room. I knew something special was up.

Anne said, “I wanted my Mom here because of what I have to say and I don’t want you to take it wrong and we lose our friendship.” I sat down, not knowing what was coming and Anne sat next to me. “We were going to wait until after college and we probably still should. But I have a need to be selfish. All these things that happen to you and I’m there acting as just a friend. I need you to know there is more. I love you.”

I looked at Anne and then Mrs. Evans. We already knew each other as our best friend. She said, “I know we’re too young to be serious and that we both need to go our ways for college and whatever. But I told my Mom and she said that I should be honest with you so we can share things from time to time.”

There were feelings and my body was responding differently. I took hold of both of Anne’s hands and then leaned to give her a kiss. Our lips met lightly, tenderly even as we hugged.

Audrey Evans was now sitting across from us. We apologized for kissing each other. She softly said, “I’m just glad you stopped there. I saw this coming ever since you became the girl next door that Anne fell in love with years ago. I am not naive enough to think nothing is going to happen between you, but I will remind you there needs to be more. I am not encouraging things that I think should wait. But if either of you stops from becoming the young woman you should be? Well, I think that would be a shame. We have struggled because I became a single parent without the proper education to land a better job. I love Anne and I almost love you as much Rose. I want you two, to wait, but it has become evident that it hurt Anne to love you without you knowing it. Each time you get hurt, get a new friend or celebrate something; it has hurt Anne. It hurt that you didn’t know how much she loved you.”

“She’s half a year older than you and a year ahead of you in school. Come next December she might even be ready to graduate from school and begin college.”

Anne spoke up and changed the conversation, “I don’t expect you to quit dating boys. But I do hope you will still love me too and that you will consider going to the prom as my girlfriend. I know you are dating Scott and if you would want to go to prom with him or some other boy from another school. I’d kind of understand that.”

I was overwhelmed and my head was foggy in thought. “I do love you, but I’m not sure about who I am. I feel attracted to boys as well as you. I’m not sure about kissing you at my house. I guess I could say I still love you. I told Shannon or was it Sierra that I felt like a girl with you before.”

I could see that Anne was relieved and I hugged her again, saying, “Were you afraid of how would react?”

“Mm,” her eyes were watery. “Rose, you’ve been through so much this past year. And you made so many friends and acquaintances. You made the newspapers and more. I’ve worried so many times, but couldn’t say anything.”

I thought, “I guess we assume so much about the other always being there. When I was with Therese, I was afraid she wouldn’t understand about my love for you. I love you, but I’m not sure about myself.”

I didn’t see her leave but her mom had left us alone. We sat and talked until I remembered I should get home.

When I walked into our house Sierra was there and asked, “What’s with you, something is different?” Mom turned and was listening.

I said, “Nothing much, I’ll tell you later.”

Mom said, “That sounds like something, to me; why don’t you tell us now?” That was not really a question, but a command and it drew in my sister Sonja from the next room.

“You all don’t need to know.” Mom took one step and folded her arms, which meant, ‘Out with it.’

“No, it just happened and I need to figure it out myself first. Now let me take my shopping up to my room. I need to wrap some things.”

I went to my room that I share with Shannon. I huff as I close the door behind me. Shannon asks, “And what’s behind that huff?”

I said, “I need to think and everyone’s wanting me to tell them what about?” Shannon gives me hug and suggest I sit and take some time. She’s soon up and walking toward the door. “Don’t, don’t leave. You’re the one I want to talk to.”

“I just found out that Anne’s not just in love with me as a best friend, but in love with the girl me, and always has been.”

Shannon asks, “This goes back when you were younger and played dress up with her?”

“How did you know?”

She says, “I or Sierra saw you a number of times when you were young and out in her backyard. Then as you grew, you would go over to play, but you didn’t say anything. Then last year happened. I knew you were still best friends. She has just seemed to be wanting to say something. How do you feel about learning this?”

“Shannon, I love her as my best friend, but I kissed her a little while ago. It never felt like that before. It was better than kissing Therese or Scott. I’m confused. She wants to go to prom. I’d like that but I’m not ready to commit to anyone, I have too much to grow and learn.”

Shannon asked, “Did she tell you, you had too or stop dating Scott?”

“No. She said, we still needed to go to college and grow to our potential.”

“So why did she tell you she loved you today for?”

I said, “She said, she had to let me know. I love her too. It is like great to know, but it’s different.” I hugged Shannon and she held me.

“It sounds like you two have something very special.”

I spent the rest of the day wrapping gifts and organizing my clothes. Anything to stay busy.

I changed plans and decided I’d go to the Christmas Eve Service with Anne. I didn’t tell Scott anything more than I decided I wanted to spend the day with my best friend.

A bunch of us met early to work out and then spent some more time just as friends. Several remarked that Anne and I were clingier than usual. We smiled and said, “Yes, we decided to celebrate by being together.”

I wore my short green skirt to the service, and my folks had invited the Evans to stop after the service. We wouldn’t be together tomorrow for Christmas as we’d both be with family.

We’d be celebrating the Anderson Christmas at Dad’s sister’s home. It wasn’t too far, but far and busy enough that it took the full day. We did open family gifts at home. I got a beautiful cherry wood jewelry cabinet. But soon after that the focus went away from me. Shannon’s boyfriend arrived before we were to go to Aunt Beth’s. Jonathan Everts had called Dad. Seemingly Sonja had known, but neither Sierra or I had. Jon and Shannon were going to the Anderson Christmas and then leaving for his folks in Connecticut.

Shannon took Sierra and me aside and explained. Sonja knew they were serious because they both attended universities in NYC. Shannon knew she loved Jon but didn’t know until seven-thirty he would be here at eight o’clock. She said, “I never liked surprises until this one!” All they knew or were saying was that the wedding would be latter in the summer or fall.

I was happy for Shannon, but honestly felt slighted that my sister had not let me know how serious her romance with Jon was.

Cousin Calla said, “It shows you don’t have all the intuitive instincts of most girls. Don’t get too upset, as she said she hadn’t thought he’d ask her at least not yet.”

Calla had me go to her room with Sierra and Sonja. We were giving one another facials when Calla said, “I bet each of us has a secret that we haven’t told one another. So everyone should tell of one secret they haven’t shared yet.”

By the expressions of our faces it was true. When it was my turn, I confessed that Anne loved me as a girlfriend. Calla surprised me. “Dah, you think others didn’t suspect that. She has been in the LGBT group in our county for the past year.”

“I was surprised she didn’t scratch out the eyes of Scott who you’ve been seeing. Are you really going to tell me you didn’t know that? She was very supportive of you dressing as Dort last year and being on the cheer team.”

I was in the midst of my facial mask drying, and I took off the pads on my eyes so I could see Calla's expression. Calla said, “I’m surprised you haven’t replaced your boy part with a slit yet!”

The four of us talked, and Calla and my two sisters got down to the nitty gritty with me as they called it.

Sierra said, “It was only recently that our father has come around accepting things. We didn’t encourage Rose to get excited or to anticipate things. Shannon mothered her like a big sister.

To be continued…

It was two days after Christmas and the Destroyers were due to leave for the tournament. Like last year we were up early to see the basketball team off. We were due to take leave even earlier the next morning. The basketball team was still undefeated, yet the tournament had even a tougher group of teams than last year. All the other teams would all be from much larger teams.

Coach House was happy as I didn’t need a special chaperone this year; which was good news as neither my mom nor my other two sisters wanted to go. Coach House did warn me, “If I hear of anything out of the ordinary your parents will be called and you’ll be going home. And please do not go walking around alone, especially at night.”

Our bus trip the next day was very enjoyable. I am not yet focused enough to paint nails on a bus, but I’ve become extra good at brushing girls' hair and doing French brads. Being a Wednesday there was a good mixture of business and holiday travelers stopping us from making good time as we travel.

Audrene text me, 'She would be at the tournament with Marie and if I could not be a good girl.' She knew about Anne and me reinforcing the idea we needed to be on good behavior.

The coach had our supply of tournament shirts that she finally handed out as we neared our destination. Like a number of girls, I was warm enough that I didn’t want to put the new shirt over my cheer sweater. So off came our sweaters. Even with my bra still on it was visible that my boobs were filling out. Which brought some ous and aahs, until Sharon said, “Everyone behaves you know she’s a girl. Treat her just like another one of us, don’t get caught by the media giving them an excuse to make up something about our team.”

I slipped on my shirt and the bus soon returned to normal. Once we were at the hotel Gabriel a new cheerleader to our varsity team was named as my roommate. She had the enthusiasm I had last year as a new girl on the team. It was her first overnight trip.

We were to keep on our tournament tops while putting on our cheer skirts. Gabby is very athletic and quite capable of doing flips and more gymnastic routines like Sharon, Jenn, and me. Anne had improved immensely but as a co-captain, her task was usually to focus on the team’s synchronization and have the team ready for the next cheer.

Once the cheer team was ready Coach had us going to where the basketball team was. Everyone could tell they were nervous as they were scheduled to take on the Trenton team seeking revenge from last year's loss. It was a surprise that two extremely tough teams were paired in the first round. Kaylea’s left foot was doing well with the extra rest.

With a six o’clock tip-off they would be the first of two prime time games the first evening. So far there were no surprises in the games already played, but for either the Trenton Tigers or the Destroyers to lose, someone would be considered upset. Gone for the Destroyers was any illusion of being a Cinderella team. The first fifteen minutes were not like the previous year where the Destroyers jumped out to a sizeable lead. Trenton was barely ahead and the lead already changed five times. Soon the Destroyers had a 22-20 lead, but the Tigers had the ball. A long three-point basket changed the lead for the sixth time. It would be 35-36 at halftime, but being a point down meant little with another half to go. Jayne being Dort surprised the South Jersey crowd. It was only when I did a series of flips near the end of the first half, that most people began to recognize me from last year.

Jayne as Dort continued to receive the majority of this year’s communication from the USS Cook. But it was my phone that was ringing come half-time. It was Debra, “Rose, you need to tell Coach Daley, that Erin and Trish are both playing too soft on defense. We also think Trish passed up at two or three shots she should have taken. I thanked her for the information. Anne who overheard the conversation asked, “Are you going to tell Coach Daley what she said?”

“I learned last year that Coach Daley knows what to do and that she hears from too many people with good intentions. The simple answer is, ‘No’.”

There are always changes during half-time in a tough game and this was to be no different. The Destroyers took a seven-point lead early in the second half as Kaylea and Shelby a new player this year each hit two three-point shots. Shelby’s second basket came as a desperate shot with the shot clock winding down. I was cheering as she let loose her shot. I saw a smile come to her face, she knew she was on target. Her making the shot took the air of the opponent.

When their coach called a timeout, I went tumbling onto the court. Fortunately, Sharon and Anne brought the cheer team and told me what cheer we were to do. We had a nine-point lead when Kaylea went up shooting a basket. Fouled, she landed hard on her left foot and came up gingerly as she made her way to the foul line. A timeout was taken after she made her second basket. Unfortunately, Kaylea talked to the coach to leave her in. Within three minutes it became obvious that her ankle was more severely hurt.

It made the remainder of the game to be played with a high degree of uncertainty as Trenton made a feverish run to tie and regain the lead. The good news was Shelby, Jenn, and Trisha were up to the task of holding them off. The defense suffered but the offense was hot and kept us in the lead. The 79-75 victory was bittersweet. The team would move on to the next bracket but Kaylea was done for the tournament if not quite a few games.

The Destroyers wouldn’t play until four o’clock or eight, but the Cherry Hill Cougars, the Tournament favorite was to be our opponent. One team with a perfect record was would be handed a loss. Not having our star player did not bode well for us.

The basketball team and the cheer team shared a victor’s pizza supper. None of us were in the best mood, but it was the cheer team’s unwritten job behind the scenes to lift the spirits of the basketball players. We’d spent a lot of energy cheering the team for what they had done.

We had a longer night than we were used to in getting ready for the next game. We did decorations and spirit bags to greet the team come morning.

Once back to the room, Gabby asked me, “Is it always this hard after a tough game like this?”

I truthfully answered, “I don’t know. I haven’t experienced such a hard-fought win, complicated with the loss of a player of Kaylea’s caliber.” We have talent, but last year’s team had strong chemistry by now. Tomorrow, we’ll see if this team is there.” Gabby was visibly shaken and I stayed up until she fell asleep. I felt I did not have the sensitivity or ability to bounce back as a normal girl would. It was three-thirty closing in on four when I felt safe in communicating to Debra aboard the Cook.

The bad news was Debra was on duty; the good news was Tyree Robins one of the new Ensigns had been a cheerleader and took the call. I lost sleep-time but the talk was worth it. I don’t know if all of Tyree’s words were true, or purely for the purpose of lifting my spirits, but they worked.

Sierra and Sonja, who said weren’t coming to the tournament, were there at two o’clock on Thursday. It is like my sisters to be there for me when things get rougher.

It was three o’clock before I was able to see Kaylea. She was hobbled with crutches and a brace around her leg. While she had sprained her left foot again, the tibia in her left leg was discovered to have a hairline fracture.

Coach put it, “The break might be a blessing in disguise. While the leg mends itself, it will force Kaylea to take the needed time to heal. While she may miss much of the regular games she hopefully will be healthy come the district playoffs.”

Coach Daley was not accepting that a loss was inevitable against Cherry Hill, despite our playing them in their second home at the Cherry Hill Civic Arena. Approaching the second game, which had been moved to the prime time game at 8:00. Our Coaches had both the basketball and cheer teams were believing in ourselves once again.

The boys that I met last year, sought me out come Thursday. They were a welcome distraction. I smiled as I recognize eight of them. Five of the boys crossdressing and three plus one I didn’t yet know were presenting themselves saying they are transgender girls.

Tammy one of the moms came across gruffly to me, “And what are you smiling about?”

I stood my ground and said, “I’m happy to see that they’re distinctly a group of individuals. I would have been worried if they appeared as clones of one another or someone else’s expectations. I know since we saw each other last year, two of the boys have also gone their own directions.”

We visited about who had good support and who was being bullied or pressured to be something different. I could tell that Tammy and one other parent there found it hard to be supportive. It was hard to tell for sure but I expected at least Tammy was pressured by others to be less supportive.

It was hard to walk away, but I needed to let the group take care of itself. I complimented her that Jamie was becoming more comfortable being a girl. She did ask for my phone number which I took as a positive sign.

The game was now within two hours and we had prepared our second round of spirit bags for the team after the game. Two items would be changed if they lost, but no one was giving into that. The situation of Kaylea’s injury was not yet publicly known beyond this game. Jenn, Trisha, Erin, and Shelby needed to step forward to give the team a fighting chance to win.

The cheer team decided to give special cheers during the introduction of our starting five players at the beginning of a game. It was to be Sharon then, Gabby, Anne, myself, and Sharon a second time. The introductions started and Sharon did exceptionally well. But that and the big crowd spooked Gabby, so when she paused I went in her place, and I had done my three flips. There was Anne, Sharon again outdoing herself and I felt the need to step up when Jenn was announced. I did the three flips and went into a split that got everyone applauding.

Coach House asked me, “Was that advisable?” She and I both knew it was not. It would take the first half for my pain to subside.

Jenn and Trisha both stepped up their game from the start, Steph and Erin took longer. That was enough for Cherry Hill to establish a five to seven-point lead early in the first half. The Cougars were poised to take a seven or eight-point lead as the half ended when Madi Thoms stepped to steal a throw and went to lay it in. That cut the lead to three at halftime.

The Cougars were extremely good and made the needed adjustments. During the second half of the game, they gradually moved to increase a bigger lead until we were twelve points behind them early in the last quarter of play. Jenn our best player of defense was the first to be in foul trouble. Erin and Jenn both fouled out.

The team never stopped playing their best and actually gained some respect from other fans. The last two minutes were the hardest as Coach Daley decided to play everybody. The final score was 67-82.

One sportswriter asked, “Coach Daley, it has been over twenty-one months since you been interviewed after a loss. Does that help temper the hurt that comes with this loss?”

I was watching her with tears in my eyes as she responded, “We knew sometime it would come. But to your question, my concern is with my girls. They have most of the season ahead. All the teams we play will seek to make the most of this defeat and most will be out for revenge. We will need to work harder to keep that from happening.

The girls did rebound and in the field of teams they eked out two more wins to earn the fourth-place plaque.

I had hurt myself cheering but worked to keep it a secret until our last game. That was when I aggravated the injury when our pyramid tumbled down. Someone’s knee kicked me where it wouldn't hurt a girl half as much.

Sierra had come to the game with a friend and was called in to watch as a medic and Coach House wanted to check me. Sierra got me back to Dr. Holly and she drained off a pool of fluid drowning one of my testes. She told me, “I am putting you on limitations, young lady. Five days from now you may be able to go back to cheering but no more splits or doing the pyramids for now. …Sierra tell your parents that Rose should go ahead and schedule her surgery over spring break.”

I said, “I can tell them that, Sierra doesn’t need to.”

Simultaneously, Sierra and Dr. Holly Campbell insinuated that if I had taken responsibility earlier, this might not have happened.

I was put on an antibiotic and the medicine made me tired. It took a few days before I was feeling okay. When Anne came to see me, if no one else was around, she’d snuggle and kiss me. We hugged, my breasts could feel hers. I liked the softness of how it felt.

When school started in the new year, I began studying harder. I had gotten A’s B’ and one C. It was not like the old me, but I wanted to be on the honor roll in the second semester. Sitting in a soft chair at home and reading for my classes I was now feeling good.

Anne’s grandparents helped Mom Evans to buy a 2010 yellow and black Camaro. It definitely was a cute car for a cheerleader. I knew what boys were thinking when they saw her driving the car. It caused me to giggle. It was me she wanted in the seat next to her, or in the small seats behind that. That caused me pain to think of that possibility.

Debra, on the USS Cook, had sent me a communication; the letter was marked PERSONAL! I knew she was done with her full-time service in February. We had kept in communication after I stopped being Dort. She had encouraged me to deepen my sense of being a girl. She loved the idea that I projected the image of a strong woman.

However, she sent the letter to the high school. What had generally been private, between her and me, was now to be very public. Anne and Sharon both knew the letter was coming and now were encouraging me to open the letter at lunchtime in the cafeteria.

I wanted to keep it sealed until I got home. Between the second and third periods, I sent a text to Deb. My phone went off as I sat down with my lunch. I pulled my phone out of my purse and tried to shield my phone screen from others. But Anne was looking over my shoulder. Anne said out loud, “Good! Open the letter, now is a good time.”

Anne said, “Great!” She even offered me her butter knife.

Dearest Rose,
My Tracy can’t thank you enough. You already know I am getting out of the service in February. Trace and I are engaged. Trace is thankful because you brought back my feminine side. I’m happy because I’m still me.

Tracy and I are wanting you to be in our wedding party. Inside, please find the two swatches from the dress we’re wanting you to wear. If you will meet my ship in Norfolk, Virginia when we port; you can meet Tracy and we’ll get you measured for your dress.”

Girlfriend,
Debra

Anne grabbed the swaths of cloth and the picture of the dress and went to Sharon first. “Cute.” I was embarrassed as all the girls were happy for me. Even Jayne said, “You did a great job getting us to be a mascot with the USS Cook. This is the icing on the cake; you need to say yes! I’m just glad they didn’t ask for Dort.”

I liked both the fabrics and the picture of the dresses the bridesmaids would be wearing. Sharon said, “It shouldn’t be hard to alter it to use on other occasions.”

Coach House laughed when she found us visiting about my invitation and the dress material. “Rose, you are amazing. This started last year as a discipline for your misbehaving. It has had a Midas touch with one girly opportunity after another. …Even now having not recuperated from your injury, you are still holding up cheer practice.”

“Ms. House, I don’t cause the practice to be delayed.”

“Sharon, would you like to tell Rose how long it took to get practice going since she’s been on the Cheer team?”

“Well,” Sharon said, “Sandy and I had to bite our tongues. Because the first day it was five minutes, but then with Dort, it became ten to fifteen minutes. And practice went from an hour to an hour and a half.”

I said, “That’s not true. It has always been an hour and a half since I’ve been on the squad.”

Anne says, “Think back, you weren’t originally on the squad, but more of a behind-the-scenes spirit team member. Some hoped by making you ‘Dort the sailor’ mascot you’d actually quit. But you thought it was your way to stop getting expelled from school. Between your slim built and gymnastics ability you made the change better than anyone could have imagined. Not even you knew that Rose was there.”

“You wanted me to quit, and what, go to another school?” I quickly felt sad and it showed.

Alexis House, “With day one, you started to win us over, being likable. Then it was the first time you put on the sailor costume. We thought you were cute. But even then, no one expected you to try so hard and to make the adjustment. …Anne was the first who first told me that a bit of girl rubbed off on you from your sisters.”

Our discussion was broken up by the School Nurse Theresa Gibbs requesting to see me. We went to her office and the door was closed. “Rose, this isn’t anything official, more of a friendly suggestion. It appears, that you are still hurting from your groin injury when you walk? I talked to your doctor and your progress is slower than expected.”

I interrupted her, “Yes, and if I move around it hurts. You don’t need to point that out to me.”

“What I was going to suggest is you might want to be wearing some tight panties or very snug jeans for a while. By holding your boy bits snuggly they wouldn’t be jiggling around reinjuring themselves.”

I said, “Wouldn’t that cause more injury instead of less. Plus, the school has a policy against tight jeans and leggings.”

She said, “It is something boys sometimes do when they get kneed or injured there.”

I asked, “Are you tell me that Marty on the wrestling team is wearing tight panties?”

Nurse Gibbs chokes on her words, trying to recover. “I didn’t say that. Please don’t construe anything of the sort. I couldn’t tell you what another student was doing, ethics prohibit it, and you'd be wrong surmising that. …And regarding the school dress code against tight clothes, there have been exceptions granted for medical reasons. I would suggest the tight leggings with maybe a skater dress over it. That would avoid any questions of impropriety.”

I said, “Thanks, if you don’t mind, I will use the restroom to make an adjustment.” The nurse offered me a packet of aspirin that I took and used. I had an extra panty scrunched in a corner of my purse. With that and my other panty things were much tighter, I was feeling more comfortable.

I guess the smile on my face made it evident to the nurse and later others that I felt better. Anne was the one who noticed and asked. “The nurse must have said something that has helped you?”

She was amused, “I hope keeping that boy bit comfortable doesn’t give you second thoughts.”

We both giggled and hugged as we went to our last class of the day. I went to the practice but didn’t stay there. It emotionally hurt that I couldn’t do what I came to love.

Instead of going directly home, I went to a boutique to window shop. I always liked their window displays. Today was the first time to go in the St. Ives Boutique. Ms. Hanna Cooper a teacher I had in elementary school greeted me. “Rose, it is so nice to see you come into our shop. I hope I can talk you into something. I’ll even give you an added incentive.”

”I only came to window shop, and I don’t have enough to buy much.” I hadn’t known that Hanna had left teaching to do this. I knew she was still in the community. I was six when I had her in first grade. Her smile and being well dressed even then had attracted me. She gave me a cup of tea. Looking around, there was a peach skater dress with a lace bodice and ruffled skirt. I had not seen anything like it, and it was something I could wear to school.

Hanna caught me looking at it a second and third time. Finally, she handed me the dress in my size and a pair of white leggings I had looked at. “Go try these on. If they look as pretty as I think they will; we’ll make a deal.”

With fifteen dollars there was no deal to make, fifteen dollars didn't pay for either one. I was under strict orders not to use my cash card, but I have gotten into the girl thing of trying on clothes. I like the feel and look of wearing leggings with a dress. I did feign to have trouble pulling the zipper up. I knew I’d enjoy having Hanna help me.

Once I was back out on the floor, eyes turned my way and smiles came to everyone’s faces. Hanna said, “Rose that outfit is you.”

Tanya Hamilton’s mom was there and she quickly went to the rack with the dresses. Tanya is a junior high cheerleader. I swiftly said, “I hope you’re considering one of the other colors.”

Hanna takes me to the side and whispers. “If you will wear this to school and bring the cheer team here soon I will give it to you as a promotion. I have plenty of moms and young women come here, but girls from high school have not been shopping here.”

I said, “I don’t think I will make a difference. The clothes are nice, your shop is nicely laid out and the prices are good.”

Hanna saw that the zipper was not fully up nor the hook done. She did both, giving that area a tap she said, “Stay right there.” She went and grabbed a simple necklace and put it around my neck. “There, go look at yourself in the full-length mirror.”

She asked by the time I did and turned around, “Can you do a cheer pose with one knee raised and a fist in the air.”

Hearing her request I did as she asked and with a cheery smile. Snap and several pictures were taken. I gave her permission if she wanted to blow up the picture and hang it. I got the dress, leggings and even the necklace. I left my fifteen dollars despite her saying not to.

Needing a ride and with cheer practice over I called Anne, “Can you come and pick me up at St. Ives Boutique?”

Anne asked if the boutique was nice. She would soon be here and I’d let her see for herself.

Once Anne was there and saw my dress and some of the clothes; I knew we would be a while. Anne also remembered Hanna and was glad to see her. Anne told me, “I know you didn’t have enough money for that outfit. Your mother is going to have a fit you bought all that!”

I grinned, “Just let me worry about that.” But I did ask her about coming back with the rest of the cheer squad soon.

She said, “That’s a good idea, and we should even invite Jaylene Fox. The cheer team had money we were going to spend on her and I’m sure we never did.”

Anne bought a cute panty bra set on clearance and we left. Hanna gave me a wink on the way out.

Once I was home, my mother was slow to believe me. “There’s no way Hanna would give you this much as a promotion. …But I do think the nurse’s idea of wearing something to snuggle your parts was a good idea.”

Mom asked me to sit down which meant something serious. “Your father talked to Dr. Holly Campbell, about your damaged testicle to be removed now. …She couldn’t talk directly about you with your Dad, but she seemed to indicate that might help things during spring break. You should call her some time tomorrow, so you two could talk. I suggest you do it quickly. She told me she would be holding you out of cheering through a week from Friday. It would be only another week if you had the surgery on Monday.”

I was back in my room, lying on my bed thinking when Shannon called. “Sprout, I was thinking of you. How are things going? I bet it is hard not to be cheering.”

“Did Mom suggest you call me?”

“No, why would she?” I explained the possible surgery and Shannon wanted me to get on my computer so she could see me and my dress.

Shannon asked me, “Did she say if that’s what the wrestler did; the one that got kneed to the groin did?”

“She wouldn’t comment citing confidentiality.”

Shannon asked, “Are you worried about having the surgery?”

I said, “It goes two ways: I’m anxious to have it but not wanting to wait. I really don’t see myself as a boy anymore.”

Shannon said she’d be home on Sunday until after the surgery on Monday if I had it then.

Then I remembered Debra’s invite to be a bridesmaid. Shannon surprised me by saying, “I’m a little surprised she didn’t ask you to marry her. I think she gave you the hormones that you denied having because she had the hots for Rose.”

I said, “No way! Plus I never told you that she was the one to give them to me.”

To be continued…

The next morning at school, I used my study period to visit the nurse and called to Dr. Holly’s office. “Rose, we’re happy to hear from you. Can you hold as Holly wants to take your call personally?”

Soon Dr. Holly was there at the other end. “I am glad to hear from you Rose.”

I told her, “I would like the surgery. The area continues to hurt and it’s uncomfortable. I’m afraid it isn’t getting better on its own.”

It ended up I needed to see Dr. Holly at 3:30 and a Dr. Connie Tampkins at 4;50 that afternoon. Mom picked me up at 2:00 p.m. I needed to shower, quickly change and as mom termed it. Have clean socks and delicates on.

Dr. Holly visited with me and announced part of my problem was that the so-called good testicle appeared to have a minor infection as well. She told me about the surgery and all its possible side effects along with the benefits. Mom and I agreed that it was a no brainer. We would see Dr. Tampkins.

I was surprised that Dr. Connie Tampkins, a surgeon, was even younger than Holly. Having her examine me was embarrassing as my body became excited. She was very professional and apologized like she was the one responsible for me liking her.

Dr. Connie said, “Yes, I am in agreement for this surgery. Because it is the continuance of a problem diagnosed here, we can get you in on Monday morning, if you wish. Another doctor not fond of early surgeries had given a six-thirty opening to us.”

She paused and then asked, “In relation to the follow-up surgery. I know a doctor I can recommend in New York City and that would be sometime after school is out in June. I can do it here Monday as I said, but I feel obligated to tell you of the other possibilities as well.”

I said, “I did my research as well. I didn’t know you were this young, but I know all your SRS surgeries have been successful. And the others who have had you, like you treating them as women from the very start. I like that idea as well.”

“I don’t think this will surprise you, but many surgeons aren’t known for being personable or having good bedside manners.”

Connie smiled, “Thank you. You live up to what Dr. Holly has told me of you and what I’ve heard. It is also good to hear one of your sisters will be able to be here for you.”

I said, “It’s like, she’s always been my big sister, but since I’ve begun seeing myself as a girl, she’s extra special.”

Dr. Connie leaned overtook my hands and squeeze them. I sensed she somehow understood. “Having someone special is a big help to our growth.”

I knew she didn’t really have the time, but when I started talking she took time to listen. It was silly of me, but I even asked if she could shorten my penis until the surgery in March.

She informed me that the head of my penis would be used to form a more sensitive vagina for me. I could tell that was more than what my mother was wanting to hear. It was something I had forgotten from my prior research.

Mom and I had dinner with Sierra since her university was right there. Hearing that it would be an early surgery; she too would be there for me.

The rest of Friday, then Saturday and Sunday became a reflective time. It included time with my cheer and basketball friends. Some were friends way before I began to change. There were plenty of different thoughts and questions about how surprised they were when it began to change from being a discipline.

When I was first being disciplined there was a vast difference in how I walked when I wasn’t being Dort to when I was. Therese was there and said, “If you held your feet further apart then you’d take longer strides and were in Rob mode…” Jessica cut in saying, “Yeah, but you were hassled if you forgot and did that as Dort. It wasn’t long and even as Rob you were mimicking girls.”

Trish Dunlavy said, “Then there were the changes in your hair and complexion. No one wanted to say too much. We didn’t want you to feel self-conscience and stop.”

I mentioned, “You didn’t need to worry, because there were more guys calling me a sissy and the bullying got worse. Luckily, Brad was willing to help protect me.”

“No luck about it; Anne asked Brad to befriend you. He was like Roberta’s unspoken date or bodyguard friend.”

Saturday night, I had backout from going out with the group. I was having a pity party, sulking in my bed. Anne came over and cuddled behind me. When I didn’t say anything she just stayed there spooning me. Now and then she whispered. I felt a little guilty, not saying anything. But it was special and I was glad she stayed until I fell asleep.

My mom told me it was almost midnight when Anne came out and she and my mom talked.

It was almost noon before Shannon came home and we went out to eat. We even stopped at the St. Ives Boutique to look through the window. Fortunately, Hanna was there, unboxing new inventory and rehanging new skirts and dress. She was nice enough to open the shop so Shannon could look around.

Shannon had seen similar clothes in NYC, but these were at a noticeably lower price. Shannon bought two things for herself and a few things for her friends at the university. When I spotted a cute pair of ankle boots. Shannon said, “Mom told me you could use her card to purchase one thing.”

Where I had been reflecting the past with others; Shannon had me looking toward the girl I was enjoying being.

We had gone out to eat with my parents and I had already been active enough that I was a little sore. I sat down hard and a button on the cushion of the seat hit me the wrong way. I let out a small cry before I caught myself. My eyes watered and the pain rose, but I was determined not to cry.

The waitress asked what happened, but I was not willing to say. My parents’ said if it hurt too much I could go home. All I could eke out, not wanting to say what happened, as I’d be okay.

It would be over twelve hours before my surgery and closer to eighteen before I’d have even soft food to eat. But it did remind me why I was having the surgery and the pain I wouldn’t miss.

Once we were home and I took something for pain. I was up for Shannon to give me a manicure and pedicure. We selected an outfit for me to wear to the hospital and another one to wear home.

I went to bed early but didn’t quickly fall to sleep as usual. I woke up before 5, showered again and changed what I was wearing there. I wanted some makeup on, but that too was hard to settle on. Others were up and we were off to the hospital in plenty of time. The gross part for me was having someone shave my surgery area. No one should have to shave those parts for a girl having surgery. “Yuk.” Once ready, my Mom and sister sat with me until they took in me for the surgery. I saw Dr. Connie’s eyes behind her surgical mask and began to count.

I soon woke up and was afraid they hadn’t done the surgery and I wouldn’t feel anything for two more hours. “What happened? Why didn’t you do the surgery?”

I didn’t immediately believe them when I was told they were done and it went well. It wasn’t until I was back up in my room that they told me. “The other testicle had a small infection, so it too was removed as well.”

Though I couldn’t see it yet, I knew I looked a little freakish with my penis and no slit or testicles. I had a drainage tube and had to wear a pad that needed to be changed every few hours. Shannon, Sierra, and mom were there to give me hugs.

Dad was supposed to be there either for the beginning of surgery or the end, supposedly he had an emergency. He did come and ate supper with me. It upset me when he said, “Well, you are just that much closer to being (fully) a girl.”

I said, “I’m already a girl!”

I didn’t hear him say, ‘fully’ which he swore he did. And Mom said she thought he did, though she wasn’t listening closely. Sierra who had come for a second visit right after that she visited with me.

She and I agreed that I was more than a little touchy around Dad.

I’d get home on Tuesday from the hospital but wouldn’t go to school at least until Thursday. Well by the time Wednesday was done; I swore I was going to school the next day.

It was Friday after school that I went to have my drainage tube taken out. The good news was I was healing fine and the discomfort from the surgery was nearly gone. Dr. Connie did prohibit me from going to a dance and practice for another ten days.

Well, I still had my hose as I called my penis, but it was easier to hide as it didn’t get excited. By the time I was recovered, I did feel like my breasts were growing again. Sierra asked if I was hoping if that were true? She then told me, when she was wanting that to be true. They seemed to grow, but if it had happened she should have had an E cup bra by now. All of the Anderson women were nicely endowed, and I am taking hope from that.

It was excruciating watching the girls play basketball and the cheer team cheering and remaining still. But, Mom and Ms. Trullo came and sat with me; ensuring that I would be good.

It was the last week of January that I was given permission to practice, which included keeping one foot on the floor when others jumped. My the end of that practice I had jumped three times with no problems. But since I couldn’t wear my gaff, neither could I shower with the other girls.

I did dress with the team for Friday’s game and there were five cheers that I had permission to do. Coach House was nice enough to do them multiple times during the game.

The girls’ basketball team had been in numerous tough games but had lost only three of them. Tonight’s game was at West Warren Hills, we had lost to them on our court.

This one was coming down to the closing minutes and three of our players were in foul trouble. I looked at Coach Daley of our basketball team and then went cheering around to three sections in which some of our fans were seated in. Kaylea got out and cheered with me. We brought our fans to their feet. They were soon cheering louder than Warren fans. We scored on offense and went into an immediate full-court press. That caused one turnover and a bad shot we rebounded. Going into the closing minute we had taken a three-point lead. Jenn finally fouled out but with now a two-point lead Trish took the ball right to the basket, expecting to be fouled. But the person she went against also was on the verge of fouling out. Trisha’s lay-up gave us a four-point lead and secured the victory.

Coach sighted the game as a defining moment for the new team. It would be another ten days before Kaylea would be playing again but she would be returning to a stronger and more unified team.

I looked good to the fans, but I didn’t have permission to do what I did. Coach House told me even before we got in the van to return home that I would be benched the first quarter of the next two games. She was quite upset, “If you want to go back to being the mascot, keep it up!”

Last year if I as Dort the Destroyer got the urge I did have the okay to charge around the court with the team flag or urge the fans to stand and cheer. Now as a trained cheerleader, I was a team member and I was to act like it.

On the way home, Captain Sharon quietly visited with me. “Rose, you have good instincts. Next time, you make sure Anne and I as captains are leading the charge with you. If you do we will be unbeatable. If not, I, not Coach, will be benching you! Do we have an understanding?”

I smiled saying thanks, and we knew from there things were good.

Anne, my parents and I went to Norfolk, Virginia to see the USS Cook back to port. It was different from seeing the ship in New York City or at Philadelphia. This was their home port and was a reunion of families. Even those having no one on board had turned out.

Seemingly they had done more than they reported to us. They had the respect of the whole base. Debra told me later the naval base is always a close community. Today we were welcomed as family. “A ship should never expect it, but like today it will be with us from this time on for always.” It was Sunday morning, but I was measured for my bridesmaid’s dress. What was pretty in the picture was even more fantastic when I saw it.

Her fiance' Tracy was indeed a man and quite well built and good looking. He was only two inches taller than Debra. Neither Anne nor I thought he looked like an engineer or someone to already have his Ph.D., but it was all true.

Late Sunday morning, the bridal shop was open and Debra took us there so I could be properly fitted and we could see the wedding dress Debra was buying.

Debra and other women from the ship were wanting to talk to me about my injury. And if I was willing about my surgery and choice to become a woman. Well, I wasn’t going to talk with my Dad, Tracy or any male sailors around.

The guys complained, saying I still had a male part. A woman sailor said, “But we’ve babysat boys as well as some of you big babies when you were sick.” That was enough to lose the men.

Several women had similar stories to being bruised in the groin area. Even they shuddered at the idea of a man’s jewels being damaged.

Kayla Bowen one of the original women from the USS Cook who first knew me as Robert and Dort began to talk. She along with Debra told the others about meeting me when I first agreed to be Dort the mascot. “He was already slender and had a girlish look when he had on makeup. But he would go in and out of character and it was quite amusing. By the time we saw them again last spring, she had gone through a considerable transformation. He was still talking about getting back to Robert, but he was probably only fooling himself.”

“It seemed that his breasts were budding. Yet, even then she was not presenting herself as a woman as she does now. …Rose, not only has your hair and complexion changed, but it is obvious that inside there’s a spirit of a woman that wasn’t there before.”

“Thanks, I agree, but I don’t know when or how it happened. My sister Shannon and I agree there might have always been part of Rose already in me. As a toddler, I would go running into her room or Sierra’s and pestered them. They said I would yell ‘pretty, pretty’ and sometimes they would give in to putting a blouse on me like it was a dress.”

Some of the team were planning to come up to see our basketball team play.

Dad and Mom had Anne and I home late Sunday night and Anne was able to sleep over and dress for school from our house.

The crew from the ship came to our school and to see the last game of the season. Kaylea was back playing and despite playing a very good team. We were in tournament form and outplayed the Bridgeton team. Debra and I had repeated a fete from the previous year and climbed a rope to the rafters. We threw down the rope given from the USS Cook.

This time even men sailors from the ship took part in programs at our school.

We ended the regular season 18-3 despite four tough games. We were 3-0 in the playoffs and need two more wins to return to the state tournament. Kaylea was deemed 90% recuperated and had scored over sixty points in the first three games.

Perth Amboy Christian, our next opponent, wasn’t to be our big challenge. It was a very good team, but we should have easily beat them. We were shooting baskets well, but the Crusaders were playing exceptionally well and making even difficult shots most of the time.

Those of us on the cheer team, we were cheering our hearts out. We kept cheering to the end. All the way to the last two minutes of the game, we expected the Destroyers to make a comeback like usual. Afterward, we gathered in a corner off away from the court, we cried. I hadn’t ever cried like this before or felt so empty inside.

My sister Sierra was there and let me cry on her shoulder. I would leave her to cry or talk with others. Anne was sometimes with the team and sometimes allowing Matt Sanders strong arms to comfort her. I looked around for Scott but didn’t see him. Brad Thomas found me and gave me a hug. I let the tears flow.

It seemed like longer but we were soon on the bus riding back to school. Kaylea felt guilty because she only scored seventeen points. Jayne was upset because she needed to communicate back to the ship that they didn’t need to come to the last game of the sub-state playoffs.

I consoled Sharon, who did not expect this to be her last game to cheer. A 21-4 season is a very respectable record; she and I both knew that. I had done a few flips but Sharon and I were planning on more at the state tournament. Sharon summed it up well: “I guess we were all looking to the future and not concentrating on now.”

Coach Daley addressed the basketball players and our cheer team. “It’s okay to feel the sting of the loss, but ultimately remember the season as a time you all came together. You should in due time be able to celebrate what you accomplished during a difficult season, hopefully, learned some lessons, and be glad that you prepared us for the future.”

I don’t know how many of us were really hearing her; I know right now it was little comfort. My parents and most of the others met us at the school to take us home. Some of our adult boosters were there and that did help a little.

The School wasn’t as affected as they were still rooting for the boys’ basketball team. They wouldn’t make it to the state tournament either. But for the first time in years, they were good enough to make the playoff games. It was something that their 16-8 record was so important to others. They ended up improving their record to nineteen wins before losing and having a 19-9 record; compared to ours at 21-4.

The nice thing about the cheer season being over was getting back to girl things for ourselves. My sisters' college breaks came a week or two before ours. Shannon and Sierra we off at the same time, but I only got to see them for two days. I did go shopping with them before they left for Florida. I loved the skimpy swimsuits they purchased. Though there was no way I’d wear either one, even after my surgery. Anne agreed with my sisters that there would come a time I would wear some.

I had appointments with the surgeon, Dr. Tampkins as well as with Dr. Campbell and Dr. Caruthers. Getting poked, prodded, and blood taken was as yucky as ever. Dr. Caruthers asked me. “Are you planning on having breast augmentation in the near future?”

My simple answer had been ‘no’ to most others. Now I was saying, “I’m wanting to get through this and see how I feel. The next thing always seems it should be enough, but so far it hasn’t been. I was twelve the first time I thought of being a girl down there. I actually dreamed about having breasts even before then.”

That revelation caused a longer session than normal as Dr. Caruthers wanted to know why I was just talking about it now.

I said, “I hadn’t remembered. I know you asked, and I’m not trying to keep secrets. You asked about having breasts; I guess that spurred those thoughts. When I saw Anne and other girls changing that excited me. I wanted to be like them, but it wasn’t like I could tell my mom or dad.”

I was supposed to tell my mom and dad about my dreams, but I didn’t plan on that happening before my surgery. Things had gotten better especially with my mother and some with my dad, but I didn’t trust them. Dad was doing better at asking what I wanted. I was content with that for the present.

Two days, before spring break was to begin; the cheer team and several basketball girls went with me to St. Ives Boutique. Everyone had a mom and /or grandmother who shopped there so they hadn’t been interested in going. Hanna knew half of the girls when we were in first grade. And she had bought more inventory before we went there. She even opened another room with clothes and accessories for teen girls like us.

Despite that, they were not planning on buying anything, but all the girls did. They made fun of my poster with my cheer pose. It was all in fun. Gabby made sure that Hanna knew about my ‘girly surgery’. Hanna got the girls willing to pose for a group picture in some of their new purchases. She invited everyone back in two weeks for the unveiling of the new poster.

My sister Sonja wrote to me, “You should have been paid something for bringing all those customers to them.” The reality was the boutique gave everyone a 10% discount and a 15% for anyone buying more than $50.

The weekend brought some anxiety as many of my friends were gone including Anne and my surgery was scheduled for Monday morning. I had given blood earlier in the month in case it was needed. It would be my first blood donation if I didn’t.

My Dad took us out to a steak place for dinner Sunday after church. I used to pig out when I went to such places. Now I get sirloin tips on a bed of rice and even that is the petite size order.

I was glad that I was not scheduled as early as the last time. The nurse and Dr. Connie were both very happy with how well I healed. I was told later they were prepared not to do the surgery if there was any appearance of infection or that it had not healed properly.

I made light of saying goodbye to my lone soldier. I met with the anesthesiologist, the chief surgical nurse, and Dr. Tampkins before I was taken to surgery.

My Associate Pastor Monica Bremmer even came to let me know that she cared and was supportive of the surgery. I am not sure if she knew how important that was to me. With so many people using God’s name to voice their anger with me, it causes a person to wonder. Nor did I know she was one of the youth leaders.

I wasn’t sure, but I had the feeling that she even knew Anne and I were more than good friends.

Mom, Shannon, and Anne were all there to give me a kiss and good wishes as I went to surgery. I was surprised that Anne was there as she had already left on vacation. I later learned it was a two-part vacation with them going in another direction tomorrow.

Some of the excess tissue left with the first surgery was to help shape the forming of my vagina. This time I pretty well knew all they were doing, though I wasn’t sure why it all worked.

Sierra knew a nurse friend who often helped Dr. Connie. I appreciated that Dr. Connie asked me if it was okay that she assisted during the surgery and would do some follow-up. It was fine with me and I met Tricia when I first went into the surgery room. This time as they were sedating me they asked me my name. I was asleep before I finished saying ‘Rose’.

I wasn’t surprised this time that I thought it was a short time, and I was pleased and told them that I was more comfortable this time. Connie smiled, “Part of that is because your pain medication hasn’t worn off. We will try to keep the pain discomfort down for at least three days. And then we’ll be weaning you off of it.”

Late that afternoon, Dr. Connie, Dr. Holly, and nurse Tricia were back to check on me. I didn’t know until then that Holly had actually assisted in the surgery. They pulled off the gauze pad and they all admired what they had done. I didn’t get to see it, though Sierra and Mom did.

Sierra said, “You wouldn’t know enough to appreciate what they did anyway.” Anne contradicted Sierra and then realized she had said more than she wanted to.

Anne asked, “Did you tell the doctors that you’re interested in getting larger boobs?”

It was my time to contradict Anne, “I already told Dr. Connie I wanted to wait.” I knew Anne wasn’t ready to tell anyone she wanted to play with them.

It was Tuesday morning when nurse Tricia came back with the cone-like cylinders that she called dildos. I knew what they were but played ignorant at first to see if I could make Tricia uncomfortable in telling me about them. She told me she was glad that Sierra wasn’t there as that might have embarrassed her a little.

After she had cleaned away a little seepage around the stitches she held a mirror up so I could see myself. Despite a little discoloring and no hair there’ I agreed that it looked good to me.

Thinking of the vagina opening being made by my penis head, I was impressed when we used one that was .75 inches wide. I needed to practice with that and two bigger than that through the course of the day. I was also surprised and appreciative that there were warm feelings when I did.

Tricia had waited until to do my last session of the day when my sister Sierra was able to be there. I was excused to leave the hospital after that as Dr. Connie came and signed me out.

I was glad to be given a ride out in a wheelchair as I was still sore from all the walking I did today.

I did have one last present delivery; it was from St Ives Boutique. It was a bright print skirt that I had looked at when I was last there. It was nicely lined and both Sierra and Mom said it was one of their best skirts. “Thinking of the little girl in first grade. Now you can wear or play with whatever you’d like.” It caused me to wonder if she really saw glimpses of Rose then?

To be continued…

My Father commented, “Well now you can get on with being a girl and get over this LGBT stuff. It’s not that they’re bad people, but you’re no longer one of them.”

“Mom, can you get after Dad for being so rude? …Dad, I’m not over my change by a long shot. There is so much more to my change than the disappearance of what was between my legs. ‘It's not that they’re bad people; I can’t believe you’re still saying ignorant things like that.”

Dad started to get angry, “I will not have you speaking to me like…” Mom interrupted him, “She’s right, that was bad even for you. I have grown and I was thinking you were growing as well.”

“If you don’t see Rose and her friends as normal, maybe you and I have a bigger problem.” Dad pulled our vehicle to the side of the road. We could tell he was frustrated and wanted to talk, but mom encouraged him. “Let’s not talk about this on the side of a road. We can go home and talk things out there. It might be good for the two of us to talk first.”

I was thankful that Sierra was driving her car and that Anne wasn’t with me.

I had Hanna’s phone number and I text her. “Thanks for your gift, it wasn’t expected. I think it is wonderful. I’ll enjoy wearing it.

“I need to ask about your comment. Did you see part of a girl in me when you were my teacher?”

Before we got home, I got a text back. “Please stop for tea or water sometime then we can casually talk. Your friend, Hanna.”

When we got home my mother and father went to talk alone. I knew the conversation got heated and then I heard a moan from my father saying he was sorry. It sounded like he could even have been crying. I was in our finished basement, where Sierra turned up the volume on the television.

She asked me, “You would be staying with Mom if she and Dad separated wouldn’t you?” I knew Mom was favoring me more the past eight months. Sierra said, “Mom’s been going to counseling for a while. I guess she too is getting strong enough to stand for her herself. If they would separate or divorce. Mom wants you to know it is not your fault. She told Shannon and me that it is that she is now strong enough to be her own person and can stand up to what dad says or does.”

Things actually calmed down and the rest of the evening; it didn’t seem like there was any problem. Friends called and wanted to come over, but I talked to them over the phone or messaged them. I did find out that Anne had stayed home and not gone with her folks to see distant family.

Scott texts me to say he had gone away. He didn’t say there was a problem between us, but I sensed he was pulling away. I had been expecting the past month he would ask me to his prom, but it hadn’t happened. If he wanted to go with someone else, I just wished he would say it and be done.

I was going to tell him, ‘If you want; I’ll stop seeing you and you can go with someone else.’ But tonight, I just couldn’t do it.

I would be staying home all week and not venture out. Mom and Sierra came in tonight to help change my bandage before I went to bed. They had my cosmetic mirror where I could see my surgery area down there. I thought it was already beautiful. They both repeatedly told me not to worry that it was going to look much better when it was all healed.

We openly talked about whether I would have much in the way of pubic hair or hardly any because of the surgery. Sierra laughed saying if I wanted to wear a bikini then I’d have the problem of shaving a bikini cut. Mom volunteered to show me how to do it once.

The week of spring break passed by rather quickly. I did go to the botanical garden where I hadn’t been to since second grade. I went for two nights to stay with Sierra. She had a couple of lecture size classes that I got to sit in on.

Their cafeteria was different in that they served three meals a day. I met Sierra’s close friend Camille, Brigid her roommate, and Travis another close friend. Travis turns out to be closer than Sierra had mentioned. My second night there they showed two movies both recent films.

The second movie had distractions after someone mentioned I was a new girl. The discussion elaborated upon what it meant for me to be a new girl. One freshman girl came over to me. She had been on a basketball team from a rival school and knew who I was. She and I left where they were showing the movies and found a smaller lounge where we could visit.

Patti and I exchanged information. She told me that she had been afraid in high school of letting people know that she liked girls. She asked me if I liked girls just because I was seen as a boy before. I thought it was a good question.

I said, “I’m not really certain; the first girl I liked was my best friend growing up, and we just saw it as normal. I like boys, actually, I like being liked by them. That wasn’t so before when I saw myself as a boy.

I was feeling an attraction to Patti. She was attractive and it was nice talking to her. I said, “I can see how another girl could be attracted to you. It is just not a good time for me.” We talked longer until Sierra came looking for me. We gave each other a hug and Patti complimented be on being a regular girl.

The last day at the university I met with people from the Admission office. They toured me around the university, but it wasn’t like one campus. One of the admissions people went out of their way to introduce me to their LGBT and the Women’s study programs. They also introduced me to people in their cheerleader program. Their emphasis was cheering for the football team, where the women were often team with a man who would lift them high in the air.

It was fun being shown around and treated like someone special. The one thing it achieved was getting me to think more about my future and what I wanted to do. I enjoyed being around college students and knowing Sierra’s friends there.

The ride home with Sierra got me thinking about getting my driving permit.

When we got home, it quickly became obvious that mom and dad had gotten upset with each other. That upset me as I didn’t want to be the reason for them possibly getting divorced. They sat Sierra and me down. Dad was the first to speak. “The first thing everyone needs to know is that the problems we’re having are no one’s fault. The second is, that I don’t want what I say now to leave the house. Do you promise, that what I’m going to say is not to be told to anyone?”

I was hesitant, not because I would tell anyone. But because it they were getting divorced I was going to cry. I knew I’d cry at times around my friends. But Sierra and I both promised.

Dad said, “Many doctors at this point in their careers are carrying too much stress. I’ve decided it is time for me to get some counseling. I will be going to see some professionals I know and I’m likely to be away one or two nights each month. We don’t want you to worry as this is a healthy thing to do.”

Mom scooted next to dad and even gave him a hug, but it wasn’t very affectionate. Mom talked and so did Sierra and me. We told Dad we were supportive of him. I wanted to ask if he was sure I wasn’t partially responsible. I was sure, he’d say ‘no’ even if I were.

Sunday evening, we watched movies, chatted with others, and did things together. Even Sharon Moore had been over. She and Anne were both wanting to know how I was healing.

It was at 7:30 that Mom helped me to change my bandages and clean my surgery area. Mom looked first before getting the mirror for me and I allowed my friends to see me there.

Sharon had taken off her panty from under her skirt. “Oh my, Rose that looks pretty good to me. Those stitches are so small; it looks like most of them are where your regular skin and the tissue on the inside come together. I’ve seen similar results on the internet.”

She paused, sat down on a chair she put in front of me, “Would you like to see me down there?”

Mom was beginning to say, ‘No.’ But Sharon was already pulling her skirt up and leaning back. She pointed up near the top of her slit, she said, “That’s the most sensitive area. But if you’re going to touch yourself there, you need to make sure your hands are very clean. You infect down there, it is no fun for a girl.”

Mom did cut in at that point, “That’s more than enough to share Sharon. Please stop there.”

Anne asked, “Rose, it is time to tell us what it feels like to become a girl in your experience.”

“I love being a girl and I am thankful to have so many friends and family who help me be me. I enjoy waking up and finding that I am truly a girl. I enjoy dreaming about what I will yet experience in being a girl. That will be true tomorrow and the next day and a month after that.”

I didn’t go to school when it started after spring break. I needed to until I saw Dr. Connie Tuesday afternoon. She needed to take out my stitches and release me to return to school.

Monday after lunch my mom took me to St Ive's Boutique. I had a thank you that I wanted to personally give to Hanna Cooper. Mom had already taught two classes at the community college.

I had called the boutique so it wouldn’t be a surprise. Hanna was ready when we showed up. She had some tea ready, scented candle lit and we had bought several scones. I had even worn the skirt that Hanna had sent to the hospital for me.

When I asked about ‘the girl’ that she said she had seen that we were encouraged to sit and talk. “Rose, please remember I was a young teacher and what we know now was thought to be strange and not about little boys. It was when you came to school with your fingernails painted that I first saw it as something you liked. It didn’t show, except for how light reflected off of the nails. They were done too perfect for a little boy or girl to have done them.”

“When I asked you about them the second time, you became afraid. I think you were afraid of getting your sister in trouble. You reminded me of me and my little brother. He too didn’t think it was bad to identify with his big sisters.”

“When I heard about you a year ago; I wondered and prayed about the girl I had glimpses of years ago. I am happy to see the young woman you have become. I’m sure it hasn’t been all easy and glorious.”

I said, “That bugs me that people think being a girl is easy. And I don’t like everything sparkly and colorful.” I hugged Hanna and sat down again.

Hanna showed me pictures of her son and daughter; they’re now seven and five, so after I had her as a teacher. “I first worked here part-time; it was last year I became a manager and then owner. It has been hard work to get teens and college-age girls to come here.”

“Did Shannon tell you; she’s selling some clothes for me over the internet? I talked to her after she was here and went back to college. It seems each of your sisters is strong-willed, liking to be somewhat independent. I’d have thought being doctor’s kids you would have all been nice obedient girls.”

I said, “There is some sugar and nice, but there’s also a lot more. Sonja’s Daddy’s favorite, but Shannon and Sierra are equally as smart. Sonja followed in their shadows until she fell in love with medicine and science.”

She asked, “So what is it that you want to do?”

I rolled my eyes; I keep getting asked that question and I don’t know. “I’m good at math and I think it would be nice to be a teacher like my Mom. I might have liked dance but I didn’t take enough lessons as a small girl.” Oops. I looked at Hanna and she caught what I said.

“So you wanted to be in dance when you were little?”

“No, I went out for gymnastics. I was a boy and I was afraid of being seen with girls. …Well, I guess; I wanted it a little.”

Mom had left and came back and soon we went home before school was out for the day. On the way home, Mom said, “It seems you like visiting as another girl?” She asked what we talked about. She was surprised I might want to be a teacher.

“Mom, Sierra says, you’re much like Miss. Stafford. You make learning interesting and fun where possible. I’d like to know enough that I could challenge students to learn and ask questions back. Maybe not just ask questions but say what they’re thinking. I know that’s not popular. And I’ll probably never be that intelligent.”

“Wow, Honey, that is marvelous. You’re right, it would take a lot of learning. But I think, you already have that encouraging spirit to motivate someone to think for themselves. You are a very intelligent young woman. But you’ve always had trouble following your sisters.”

I didn’t tell Mom or Dad about Shannon selling clothes via the internet. I thought that was Shannon’s responsibility. I did call her, but instead of talking about her selling clothes, she wanted to talk about me.

She asked, “Did you remember last year we convinced Mom and Dad that you should get to enjoy one Easter as a girl? You were still acting like being a girl was temporary.”

I said, “I didn’t want it to be. But I didn’t think Dad would ever let me be me.” I asked Shannon, “I hope I can be a normal girl from now on.”

Shannon asked me, “I’d like you to come to my school for sister’s weekend the week after Easter. A boy named Dan would like to meet you if you’re okay with that. His name is Dan Hornsby and his Mom is the Director of Admissions. She says Fordham would be a good match for you.”

“You’re confusing me. You just talked about a Sister’s weekend; a boy named Dan; and his mother the Director of Admissions. Is this a multiple-choice question?” Shannon giggled as she usually thought I was the confusing one.

There were no new dresses this Easter, but we had more than enough clothes to choose from. It was more fun this year talking with my sisters, Anne, Therese, and other friends. Fussing over things with makeup, hair. I even found out that some churches had a special service on Saturday evening.

Come Saturday morning, Audrene Trullo called me saying her one-year-old was sick. She wasn’t going to be able to take Marie to an Easter egg hunt. And before she could ask me to help I volunteered to take her Marie.

The cheer team helps at the egg hunt, so I got a small set of pom-poms for Marie to have. We went a little early and we had to stay. Marie loved all the attention she got.

Anne and I went shopping for prom dresses simultaneously so we could compliment each other. Her gown was beautiful with a shimmering blue full shirt, it hugged her upper frame with lace over the upper portion and tooling. The slit coming up her left leg up the thigh made it dazzling. Having three bow loops over the top three pairs of buttons gave it dignity.

We agreed on a beautiful pink and white dress for me. I was surprised at how many people made an issue out of me in pink and her in her shimmering blue gown. I stopped my Dad in the middle of his comment… I said, “Don’t go there, Daddy.”

On the morning of the prom, Anne and I had appointments at two different salons. We wouldn’t see each other until Anne picked me up to go to the prom. It was the first time my hair was long enough to fully be curled and fully piled higher on my head. Shannon and Sierra had helped Mom to choose a necklace, earrings, and bracelets that went together beautifully. The dainty three silver strands laid around my neck and took my breath away the first time I saw them. The earrings and bracelets completed my look.

I couldn’t wait for Anne to be let in; it was I who opened the door and greeted her. When the door opened and we saw each other. It was like we never seen the others before. “Oh my Rose, you are prettier than I could have dreamed. You’re my princess, but look at how wonderful you are.”

I heard her words, but I felt pale in comparison to the elegance of how Anne looked. She looked more mature like my sisters in their twenties. Anne got close enough to whisper, “No kissing and spoiling how we look, not until I ravage you later.”

I said, “You won’t will you?” Anne was silent as others were now quiet wanting to know what she said.

I was ready to leave when Shannon came with a small panty scrunched in her hand with a panty shield. “Tuck this away, you might need them. Clean up properly and don’t mess up your gown.” We exchanged air kisses as I hooked arms with Anne to leave.

Two senior girls were ahead of us in line to be introduced going into the prom. Anne turned to me, “I think it will be good that there is at least one other couple like us.” We found out that there were three couples like us as well as two guys that came together. =^_^=
Principal Amanda Evans, we were told, received complaints about us. We could tell those complaining were disappointed with whatever Principal Evans’ said. I did see one girl whose parents told her to go home, but she refused. Seemingly, one guy, Henry, did go home, but his date chose to stay. Henry passing by me said, “This is your fault. I don’t understand why I’m the one going home.”

I was ready and calmly said, “I’m not the one causing you to leave. The prom is big enough for all of us.” His dad needed to pull him to follow him.

The prom went until midnight and Anne said we were to join Sharon and her date at her Aunt and Uncle’s cottage. “Rose, when we get there you just need to phone your mom and let her know we arrived safely. She doesn’t expect you to be home until after breakfast.”

Sharon said they were there minutes before us. There were four glasses of champagne, one for each of us. “Rose, you get the glass half-filled.” Nate already had his jacket and shirt off, and I could tell Sharon’s gown was partially undone in the back.

I became very passive as Anne gave me my first kiss and then as I felt the first of the buttons of my dress come undone. I was sipping my glass and feeling like a naughty girl. We were not quite to our room when my dress fell to the floor. I looked behind me and Anne was very happy with herself. I was glad as neither Sharon nor her boyfriend was there.

I lifted my dress enough to safely pull it into our room. The bed was not fancy, but the cover was pulled back, and rose petals were on the sheets. When Anne turned her back to me; I unhooked the top of her gown, and unbuttoned a half dozen buttons, and then kissed the back of her neck.

She was amused when I picked up her gown as she stepped out of it. I was hanging it up, when Anne said, “Let that dress fall to the floor and get over here.” She was down to her panties and taking off her bra. She pulled me into a passionate hug and kiss.

I was soon lying back on the bed with my panty being taken off. I thought I was going to be embarrassed, but Anne soon said, “Look, how beautiful you have become. Even your pussy is beginning to take shape. Oh, and it feels so soft.”

She could tell as she touched me that I was already getting excited. She lied down on top of me and each of us half curled a leg around the other. Pressing ourselves against the other felt normal. I knew feelings were growing within me and shooting out sensations that I had never felt before.

It seemed like a short time that we were each having our second or was it the third orgasm? Soon Anne’s phone was chiming, and she said, “It can’t already be 5:30?”

I was sure it was three or four, but no, it was five-thirty. “We need to shower and get dressed. We’re supposed to meet the others for breakfast at 7:00.”

I replied, “There was a time I could be ready in half an hour.”

“You weren’t a girl then. Those days are gone forever.” We had one last loving embrace that had to do until we were in the shower. It was strange as we were drying off in front of the bathroom mirror. There were the bodies of two girls with only hairy knolls between our legs. Everything was sending tingling sensations through my body.

Getting dressed in my gown was not hard to do, but I needed Anne’s help to comb and brush out my hair. It was very presentable but also very different from last night’s style.

Most of us girls didn’t fully have our appetites back, but the guys were very hungry.

My phone went off and Shannon was calling. “You know there’s a tradition in our family and church for the girls to go to the church and show off their gowns one last time.” I looked at Anne as she listened in on the conversation.

Anne quickly asked the others and out of twelve of us, eight of us decided to go. Most of the eight went to my house as there were three bathrooms and three bedrooms with mirrors we could use together. Fortunately, the service time gave us enough time to get ready and most of us stayed awake until it ended.

We were three weeks from the end of school and I was now heart, body, and soul a girl.

The end of the beginning