This is the first story I have written in over two years. I am having difficulty breaking it down into chapters so please be patient. I guess having a heart attack and cataracts has motivated me to write again. That and the fact that I am having difficulty shaving because the guy in the mirror keeps screaming about a monster and running away every morning. Thank you.

Michelle

I got up this morning as usual dreading school. I know there are kids every where who don't fit in and are ostracized by their peers. Some want it that way and some like me want to fit in to learn how to be sociable to get along with the others however I am socially challenged to the point that speaking to my peers causes me to make statements that are totally uncool, as they say. Also I am physically uncoordinated and can't walk and chew gum as they say. I can play softball though, we will get to that later. I did trip over a gum wrapper one day and as I did a face plant into a flower pot, I could hear others around me saying “Oh how sad.” The sound in their voice was of pity, a sound I found to be the most difficult to deal with. It made me feel lonely and uncared for, whether or not that was the actual case I didn't know, but that was the feeling I got from it.

Others around me would shy away from me if I did or did something awkward. My best guess was that was why I felt lonely at the sound of pity since that was associated with them avoiding me. I found my self associating with others like me. Those who were as socially awkward as I was. My best friend was Albert a tall slender dark headed boy whose milky white skin gave him the appearance of a vampire. My other friend was Septina, Tina for short, a rather plain young lady who let her hair hang over her face in order to not be seen. I always felt she could be quite attractive with the right clothes and hair style. She wouldn't hear of it and wore loose fitting nondescript clothing and never a skirt. She always wore pants and flannel shirts making every one wonder is she was a either a lesbian or a transgender female to male. I found out she was neither although not the straightest person I know. I was a part of her bent to a degree.

Tina met me at the corner every morning to walk with me to school. En route we would meet up with Albert. He was usually upbeat and ready to tackle the day. As it was each day he would give me a tic-tac for luck. I thought it was weird but we had been doing it for about a year. He took one look at us and said. “Damn you two look morose. Are you fighting or something like that.”

“Why I figured that you would be a chatty Kathy since Everette Williams asked you out.” Albert said with a big grin.

“So that is what is going on.” I exclaimed.

“It's just a date.” Tina mumbled.

“Yeah, well so why so glum?” Albert asked.

“I'm not glum. “ Tina retorted. “It's just that Everette's cousin is in town and he wants me to find him a date so we can got together. And how did you find out about it? He just asked me yesterday.”

“I over heard him talking about it and I understand now. He has a date with what he thinks is a desperate chick who will be easy and he her to find another desperate girl to go out with his cousin. Since all of the other girls know not to go out with him.” Albert snickered.

“You are an ass you know that.” Tina spat.

“Hey I'm only telling you what I heard him say yesterday. I don't think you are desperate maybe gay but not desperate.” Albert replied and moved away from her since she was balling up her fist.
“I am not a lesbo. You blood sucking ass.” Tina screamed.

“Tina, calm down. I don't think he meant it in a mean way.” I said.

“Michelle, (Yes that is my name. My parents wanted to move to France when I was born, so they gave me a french name. Therein lies part of my despair over going to school.) He meant it the way he said it. Now that I know what Everette really wants I have to find a way out of the date.” Tina said almost sadly.

“Just tell him you aren't a sex toy and walk away.” I said.

“Hey I would appreciate it if you didn't do that since he saw me listening yesterday and told me not to tell you or he would beat the snot out of me.” Albert pleaded.

Tina rolled her eyes and said. “Great now I have to find another reason not to go out with him.”

“Just tell him that you don't want to go out with him.” I said.

“Michelle if I tell him I don't want to go with him he will figure out that it was Albert that ruined his chances and beat the snot out of Albert. Hmm that might not be all that bad.” Albert's eyes flew open and he began to shake. “No I have to come up with something else.” Tina said with an evil look in her eyes.

“Then since Albert is the cause of this he should take you to the movies instead.” I offered.

“I would do better with you. That way Everette won't beat me up for taking his date from him. Hey, why don't you take her to the movies?” Albert said.

“OK, but you are going to have to find me a bodyguard.” I said. You see I am five foot four inches and weigh one hundred pounds. I am smaller than Tina. There would be two hits in the fight, Everette would hit me and I would hit the ground, unconscious. That was something I didn't want to do. Then I saw her looking at me funny and I asked. “What?” I became worried because she has never looked at me that way.

“You know there might be a way for you to go to the movies with me and not get beat up.” She said with a rather ominous look to her.

“OK, how?”

“Let me think about this and I will see you later.” She said as she turned toward school and walked on.

I looked at Albert for answers and he just shrugged his shoulders and walked off behind Tina. I became worried because she could really come up with some hair brained ideas that usually turned out bad. Like the time she talked me into climbing up in a small tree over a bunch of blackberry briers and swing it back and forth. Things were going great until the tree snapped and we fell in the briers. With me being the first to hit and she was on top of me. She didn't get a scratch and looked like I had been in a fight with ten tigers...and lost.

I really only know Everette from a distance since he was a tenth grader and I was an eight grader. He was medium height which meant he was taller than me, muscular with a blond crew cut. He looked like a throw back to a 1950's surfer dude. He played on the school baseball team and was the star first baseman. I know that because I went to as many of the games as I could last year. I may not be the best at baseball, but I still love the game. Now on the other hand you know the one with the filed and polished nails, (Just kidding) I was pretty good at softball I even got to play one game last year for one of the girls teams when they came up short a second baseman. I wonder is baseman right or should it be base-girl? I made two outs and got on base twice. The only reason I was playing short stop because Juliet Morse started her period that day and it was worse than usual. So the girls let me put her uniform on and let me play. I remember the uniform fitting pretty well even the shoes which I liked. They had pink and blue stripes and pink laces on them. OK you can say I have a strange side, I told Tina that one day and she asked which side was that and why was it any different than any of the others. Hmmphh, she's a fine one talk, I know for a fact that she wears pretty dresses when she is at home alone. I am jealous. OK I shouldn't have said that, just forget you heard it.

Any way the day was uneventful until that afternoon. I had forgotten all about the events of this morning and was walking home when Juliet came up beside me. I melted to a sticky gooey mess right there. I couldn't speak and I tripped and almost fell over an expansion joint in the sidewalk except she caught me and kept me from falling.

“Easy there cutie.” She said and smiled at me. “Listen we need an outfielder for a Saturday afternoon game this week. All the girls would like it if you would come and play for us.”

I was hearing an invitation from an angel. The boys practically throw rocks at me to keep[ me from playing with them when I went to the baseball park. Three softball fields were there also and I usually wound up tossing a softball around with the girls. Also they didn't draw as much of a crowd but it was still fun to watch them. “Sure I would love to. Do you think the other team would object to a boy playing?”
“Hmm, you have a point. This is for the city tournament and they might not want to play if they know you are a boy. We can't afford to forfeit though.”
“Is this like a league game or something?” I asked getting curious.
“Yes it is. This is the end of our season and this game is for us to go to the playoffs next week. Now Kine Smith has quit and we need a center fielder. I don't mean to be mean, but you can pass for a girl and we know you can do it. Please.”
I said, “Yes! I would love to do it since I don't get to play otherwise, and you know I think the world of you and your team.”
“You are the best. We all appreciate the fact that you haven't missed a single one of our games this year.” She said and gave me a look that melted my heart again.
“Hey I have to support my team you know.”
“Then we are having practice this afternoon at five at the same field we normally play at.” She said.
“Great I will be there. So I need to bring anything?”
“Just glove and could you wear some girl shorts and a top?” She turned red over having to ask.
“I think I can talk Suzette into letting me borrow some. She will hold it over my head forever though.”
“Let me talk to her. I think she would be willing to help.”
“Yep we are. You already have feminine features so it shouldn't be hard and more importantly, you are a good player. Listen we all know you have trouble catching those hot pitches the boys like to throw, but you are great in softball. Not only that but you are a really good sport to do it for us.” Juliet leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “I will call your sister when I get home. See you at practice.” she said and ran into her home.
“OK bye.” I said stunned by the kiss, not to mention the invitation to play. I looked around to see if anyone was watching because no one would believe me otherwise.
When I got home Tina was waiting for me. “Hey, Tina you aren't going to believe what just happened. Juliet just asked me to play on her softball team Saturday.”
“Really, isn't it a girls softball team?”
“Yeah, but I guess they are going to let me wear a uniform. I am going to be out in the outfield so it won't matter. I to meet them at five for practice. I am so excited about this.”
“I can tell, so what time is the game?” She asked a little to innocently.
“They usually play at one. Why?”
“Well I have way out of my date with Everette. So hear me out first before you go into orbit.”
“OK go on.” I said as I opened the door and waved Tina in. I set my books on the coffee table and kept walking into the kitchen. “You want some iced Tea?”
“Sure.” Tina answered and sat down at the table. I poured her a glass of tea and sat in front of her with a bag of cookies. She took a cookie and smiled. They were her favorites “Crazy Choco” cookies.
“So anyway I told Everette to day that my cousin will be here Friday night and I have entertain her with a movie Saturday and since she isn't allowed to date yet I had to break the date.”
“OK so which cousin is coming? I asked oblivious to what was coming.
“My cousin Michelle.”
“I didn't know you had a cousin Michelle...Wait! You don't have a cousin Michelle. Are you wanting me to be your cousin?” I was forming a picture of what she wanted in my head and it didn't look good.
“No I don't but I can fix you up and no one would recognize you. You already have the most beautiful long hair and with a little padding you would look awesome.”
Fear swept over me. I wanted to do this however I didn't want to be caught. “I can't do this what if I get recognized I would never live it down.”
“Would you want to?” Tina asked as she put her hand on mine. She has the most wonderful touch that makes me warm all over. “I know that you really like to look at the pretty dresses when we go to the mall. I have seen you longing after the Lolita dresses. You want to wear them don't you? You would look so pretty in a pretty baby blue dress with crinolines and a blue sash tied in a bow in the back. You could have a pair of black patent Mary Janes that have a two inch heel.” She stopped and looked me in the eye and continued to hold my hand and stroke it with her thumb gently. I was melting, melting, melting.....
I felt like my chest had been torn open and my deepest secrets had been exposed to the world. Yes, I am a transgender boy to girl. I haven't told my parents because they had made it clear on a couple of occcassions that they didn't approve of transgender people. They believed that we were mentally ill and needed help as in being committed, locked away from the world to prevent us from tainting the rest of the world. They would use bible verses and say that it was an abomination to God. I found the last to be hippo-critical at best because they were atheist. I on the other hand believed with all my heart that God and Christ were the way and they loved me no matter what. Really it was Dad that disproved of us, he would pour his opinions out over the family and that was to be our opinions also. I have a small stash of girl things, panties, bras and hose, like every other T-girl and I live in fear of the day that I am caught. I fear the screaming and the beating even though my parents have never laid a hand on me. I fear them losing control when they learn that their precious little boy wants to be their precious little girl. Then there is the public outcry in light of the recent elections and the backlash at the LBGT community. I have no desire to be a itch that wants to be scratched. I only want to live in peace as a woman. Is that too much to ask? I looked at Tina and felt the mild burning sensation in my eyes indicating the beginning of tears. Tina stood and came around to me. She placed her arms around my neck and gently pulled me to her breast. I couldn't hold back any longer and began to openly sob.

“Sh, sh, sh, sh, don't cry you have nothing to fear from me. I am going to support you and be here for you no matter what. I have known about you for a long time now and I want you to experience what it feels like to be a girl. I love you very much, I do, so no more tears and lets talk.” Tina said gently.
“I have known about you too.” My sister Suzette said and walked over and put her arms around both of us.
I just bawled even harder with Suzette holding me also. This was more than I could handle right now. What was I to do now that my secret was out. “Please don't tell anyone.” I begged.

“Michelle we would never tell anyone unless you tell us that it was all right to do so. Now dry your eyes we have to find you something to wear to practice today.” Suzette said and pulled me to my feet.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and blew my nose on a paper napkin. “Thank you both. I love you both more than I can say.”

“We know, now let's get moving or you are going to be late.” Suzette led us up to her room. Then she turned and demanded. “Strip? The both of you.”

“Why me?” Tina asked.

“Because I am tired of the tom-boy look that you have all the time. You are going to put something else on that looks a lot better. Now strip or I will do it for you.”

“OOO. Can I help?” I asked with a lascivious grin.

“NO!” They both screamed.

“OK

Michelle Chapter 2

“OK,OK I get the picture” I said and stepped away from then and took off my shoes and socks. Tina was unbuttoning the flannel shirt she had on and Suzette was rummaging through one of her drawers. She came out with two pairs of athletic shorts and two t-shirts. I had my back to them as I took off my shirt revealing a camisole.

“I like that, can I borrow it?” Suzette asked.

I nodded and started to take my pants off. I looked up and there in the mirror in front of me was Tina standing there in her bra and panties, which matched. They both had a floral pattern on them in blue yellow and pink with lace around the waist and the leg openings. Suzette picked up one pair of shorts and gave them to her. She put them on and they fit even if they were a little snug. Then the t-shirt a lite blue with a multicolored sparkly banner on it. She looked awesome as I suspected she was a hottie! She had a figure that most girls would give anything for. I knew I would. I dropped my pants and heard Tina. “I love those panties where did you get them?”

I had on a pair of pink satin panties with lace around the waist and leg openings. On days when I didn't have P.E. I would wear panties and a cami, it made me feel better about myself. “I got them at the mall one day last week. I love them.”

“Great I don't have to get you a pair of panties. Here put these on.” Suzette handed me a pair of shorts. Then she asked what size my chest was.”

“Why?” I asked. I really didn't want to take the cami off since it would reveal my biggest secret.
“We need to give you a figure. I have a bra that might fit.” Suzette said.
“Wait here.” I said and went to my room. When I returned I had a matching pink bra to my panties and two things that looked like chicken cutlets.
“I knew it you got those at Elle's didn't you?” Tina demanded.
“Yes how did you know?”
“Because I was going to get them and they were gone when I got there.”
“I would have never guessed that you liked girly things.” I said.
Tina put her head down and mumbled. “Yeah I do.”
I lifted her chin. “You are beautiful. You have no reason to hide behind baggy clothes or let your hair cover your face.” I hugged her and whispered in her ear. “I love you too.”
“All right enough put your bra on. Let's get going.” Suzette ordered.
I put the bra on with my breast as I called them. Suzette took them out “You have enough as it is.” I put the cami back on and put a yellow t-shirt on over it.
“I can't believe that Dad lets you wear this.” I exclaimed.
“He doesn't and I don't let him know it either.” Suzette said. “Now let's fix your hair.” She pulled my hair back in a big pony tail and tied it with a pink ribbon. She put her favorite hat on me that said , “Girls rule” and pulled the pony tail out the back of the hat and pulled the ribbon out with it. I looked in the mirror and was surprised to see a cute auburn haired girl staring back at me. “Damn I look good.” I said.
“Yes you do.” Suzette said. “And we didn't even need any makeup. “Now for some final things you will need. Sunglasses since the sun will be in your eyes so put these on.” They were large ladies sunglasses with silver ear pieces and silver designs that were very girlie. “All right go to practice. Tina watch her and make sure she doesn't get scared and run back home.”
“I will come on Michelle.” Tina grabbed me by the arm and pulled. I was suddenly struck by fear like a bolt of lightening and became rooted in place unable to move my feet. This was the first time I would be going out side of my room looking like a girl. Thoughts began running through my mind. What if I am recognized? What if I don't make a convincing girl? I was frozen with fear suddenly. Tina kept pulling though and suddenly turned to me and said, “Michelle you are beautiful and no one will recognize you so let's go.” she then pulled hard and got me moving. “Let's get your glove and get going.”
“I can't.”
“Yes you can. NOW MOVE!”
“I am scared.”
“You have nothing to be afraid of. I have more to be afraid of with these white legs than you do. By the way how long have you been shaving your legs?” She said with a grin.
I smiled. “About a year and yu have beautiful legs and your butt is cute.” I walked out and got my glove and took Tina's hand and we left the for the ball park.
The ball park was an eye opening experience for us both. Tina shocked us all .
We walked up to the girls who had gathered around home plate. Dana the team captain was telling the rest of them that I would be filling in for Kine because she had to quit the team. One of the other girls asked why she quit. Dana sighed and told her. “She got pregnant.” Now we have to all agree to not saying about Michelle being a boy. I am not sure how the other teams would react to having a boy playing.” They all nodded in agreement. Hannah the first baseman looked up and saw us walk up.
“Hey Tina, glad to see you in something beside those ugly jeans and flannel shirts. Where is Michelle she's late.”
“She is here.” Tina said.
“Where?”
“Right here.” and Tina pointed to me.
Juliet ran up to me and pulled the sunglasses off. “OMG you look awesome. Suzette did a great job.” She reached up and tweaked my breast. “these even feel real.”
Tina snickered and I squealed and jumped back covering my tits. The team burst out laughing. “Hey what if I did that to you?”
“OK just buy me dinner first.” Juliet smirked.
“Oh lord what have I gotten into?” I said.
Dana stepped up and told everyone to take their places. Then she turned to Tina and asked “Tina would you play second for us we are short one, Adrianna is the dentist this afternoon.”
“Sure, but I am a watcher not a player.” she said making it clear she she didn't play.
“Don't worry we go easy on you. Here take my glove and go out there between second and third base. OK I am going to hit some balls to you.” The first was a grounder that went straight for Tina. She squatted down in front of it and scooped the grounder up and threw it to first base without hesitation. Dana was impressed and hit two or three more at her with the same results. Then she hit a couple of fly balls toward her and Tina caught them all. I was truly impressed. We all did well and when each one took a turn batting Tina drove two over the fence an apologized furiously for losing their balls. Dana looked at her and grinned.
“Tina be here Saturday we are going to use you.” Dana told her as we were leaving. “I will get your uniform for you at practice Friday.”
On the way back home I quizzed Tina. “OK tell me how is it you play so well?”
“I play with the guy's in my neighborhood and in my Mom's Saturday league occasionally.”
“You are great why haven't you wanted to play with the girls your age?”
“I didn't think I was good enough.” Tina said sadly.
“Well let me just tell you. What saw today was phenomenal. Your are great. I said.
“You aren't bad yourself, you caught everything hit at you and got on base twice Oh and your but is cuter than mine.” Tina said with a grin.
“Is not!”
“Oh cont-rare, it is and Juliet thinks so too.” Tina smirked at me knowing she had me with that.
We got back to my house and I didn't even notice Mom's car in the garage. Tina and I were talking about some inane subject as we came through the door and I walked right into Mom. I slsowly looked up at her and noticed that she was smiling from ear to ear. She reached down and took my hat off and gently stroked my hair and pulled a couple of errant hairs back behind my ears.
“I can explain Mom.” I stammered.
“You don't have to Suzette has already prepared me. I don't want ,but I have to send you up to your room to take a shower and change clothes before your for your father gets home. I think you look gorgeous both of you. Tina you look so good out of those baggy boys clothes. Please don't go back to them. Now go on both of you and Tina call your Mom and let her know you are all right.” Then Mom Hugged us both and gave both a kiss on the cheek.
Tina called her mom changed back into her baggy clothes and went home before I could get out of the shower. I put my PJ's on and went to Suzette's room. I knocked softly on the door and she opened it and pulled me in closing the door behind her.
“Before you say anything Mom has known about your dressing up for a year. She found your stash of girls clothes about a year ago and has been waiting on you tp talk to her about it. I didn't want you to just bump into her and hurt her feelings by not talking to her before hand.” Suzette said.
“Thanks. I was so scared she was going to hate me for it, although I guessed that Dad would have a different reaction. She wanted me to change before he got home.”
“Dad has not been able to understand why you aren't looking more like him and not like Mom. Are you taking any pills for that?”
“Absolutely not. You know how I feel about drugs.” I exclaimed.
“Just asking and Juliet is right you do have a cute butt. Come here I am going to measure you.” Suzette took a measuring tape and found that I was a 29 B, 26 waist, and a 30 around the hips. She stepped back and turned to the door when she pulled it open there was Mom with her hand raised to knock on the door.
“Mom I was just coming to get you.” Suzette said and I got worried. What had she found.
“I'm glad you are both together. We need to talk Michelle. Why did you need to see me?” She asked Suzette.
“I just measured Michelle and he is a 29 B-26-30.”
“Are you sure?” Mom took the tape and measured me again. “Stand up and take you PJ top off.” Mom ordered.
I did as she said and she measured me twice across my chest. Once across my nipples and once under them. She stepped back and put her hand over her mouth in shock. “Michelle are you taking any pills that I don't know about?”
“No mam, you know how I feel about that. After cousin Henry got hooked on those pills and almost died I said I wouldn't ever do drugs.” I said. Why were they asking me that.? “Why, do you think I would do something so dumb?”
“Because you are developing like a girl and you should be starting puberty as a boy. I am going to make an appointment with Dr. Grace and have you looked at tomorrow afternoon.. Period. Something is going on and we need to know what it is.”
I thought great now I will miss P.E. Then I smiled, yes! I will miss P.E.! This might be all right. Mom sat down on the bed and patted the bed next to her. I knew it was her signal for me to sit next to her. Then she patted the other side and Suzette sat next to her.
“Suzette, Michelle you know your Dad and I love you both very much. We are proud of you because you make good grades, work hard at school for them. You don't do anything of a questionable nature and you help around the house without being told. A parent couldn't ask for any better from their children. I have a feeling that things are going to get tense around here and to be blunt it is because of how you are developing, Michelle. Now I want to know, do you want to be a girl?”
I sat there for a second and considered my options. I could say no and they would find a way to make me into a he man which I didn't want and Dad would be excited because I would turn into a big hairy boy. My other option would be to say yes and Mom would move heaven and earth for me to achieve my dream. I looked into her eyes and said. “Yes I want to be a girl.”
Mom hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. “I will talk to your father about it. Until then keep a low profile.” Mom said and walked out.
I had a shiver run up my spine and I could of sworn that I saw a hurt look on Mom's face as she left. Suzette and I talked for a while longer about it and I went to bed. I knew that Suzette was on board with me and was willing to help. I knew that I would need a lot of help to get this done. I I slept pretty good that night but I did have one nightmare. I dreamed that Mom was a witch and was casting spells at me to turn me into a large man with B.O. So bad the flowers wilted when I raised my arms. I woke up the next morning and got ready for school I couldn't resist and put on a pair of cotton panties and a camisole because I wasn't going to P.E. I went downstairs and met Mom at the table. “Michelle I just talked to Dr. Grace and she wants us there at one o'clock so be in the office at twelve for me to pick You up. Suzette came up behind me and brushed out my hair and put my hair in a low pony tail that was held in place by a large barrette. On the way to school Albert gave me the usual good luck tic-tac and I didn't eat it because we were distracted by Tina and she looked different. She had a plaid pleated skirt on and a white blouse with white knee socks and black Mary Janes. Her was styled with wavy curls and matching barrettes in her hair. She even had on a lite red lipstick and some conservative eye shadow. In other words she looked smoking hot.

Michelle
Chapter 3

I jumped up and down and said . “I was right.” over and over. She grabbed me by the arm and demanded to know what I meant.

“I just knew in my heart that out of those baggy dreary clothes you were a Hottie. Tina you are beautiful no matter what you have on. You just need to show it.” I hugged her tight and kissed literally on the lips. She started to tear up and I pulled a tissue from my pocket and dabbed at her eyes. Do Not Cry! You will ruin your makeup and I haven't learned how to put it on yet.”

“Then we will work on it this afternoon before practice.” She said as she draped her arms around my neck and kissed me back.

“OK what's going on that I don't know about?” Albert asked with a slightly hurt look on his face.

We filled him on the day before and he laughed at the thought of Tina playing softball and doing well at it.

“And why pray tell? Do you not think I can play ball? Hmm?” She asked.

“I have never seen you with a ball and I have known you for six years. Much less with a dress on.” Albert said.

“There are a lot of things you don't know about me. So there.” She said and sashayed out in front of us. I must that the view took my breath away. She had some beautiful legs and her figure was gorgeous. I took off after her and Albert came running up after us. I put the tic-tac in my pocket and forgot about it.

At school both Tina and I were now a part of the softball girls. They had us stay with them all morning and at lunch we sat with them. While we at lunch. Three different boys came up to Tina and asked for her name and number. I nudged her and winked, that got me a poke in the ribs. I told her that all she had to do was say yes to one of them and I would be off the hook for Saturday, to which she let know that there was no way she was not going with me. Juliet asked what we were planning for Saturday night and I told her what was going on. The rest of the team told us they would go with us just to see me in a dress. I groaned but inwardly I was shouting Yes, Yes, Yes. I met Mom after lunch and she to take me to see Dr. Grace. Dr. Evelyn Grace, she was young and pretty with a fast growing family practice.

Mom took me and as we waited in the waiting room I noticed a tall girl sitting across the room from us. Her clothes didn't seen to fit right and she kept head down and didn't speak to anyone or a look anyone in the eye. Then it dawned on me. That was on of the guys that used to play on the baseball team I tried to get on. Mom was at the receptionist counter dealing with insurance paperwork so I walked over to her. I sat next to her. I honestly thought she was going to faint. “Hello do yu remember me? I'm Michelle I tried out for the baseball team.”

She looked at me as I put my hand out to shake hers. She took my hand and I put my other hand on hers. “I am going to do the same thing you are doing now.

Tears came to her eyes as she looked at me and said. “Make sure you have the support of your friends and family or it is going to be difficult at best. No body will talk to me. You are the first person from school that has reached out to me and I thank you for that. I just want yu to know that this isn't easy and you need to be careful.”

“What is your name?” I asked.

“Brittany Johnson, I am out of school now that I am sixteen and I work at the Burger Flop on fifth street, come to see me if you get the chance.” she said with a weak smile.

“OK I will.” I took a piece of paper and wrote my phone number on it. “Here if you need someone to talk to call me. By the way the Flop has the best burgers in town.” I said.

“Thanks I will tell them. Well the nurse is looking at me I have to go. It was nice meeting you.” Brittany said as she walked to the back.
Mom sat down next to me. “Who was that?”

“Brittany Johnson, I used to play ball with her. Now she is out on her own.” I said sadly

“Isn't she a little young to be out on her own?”

“Yes, I would think so. She is only a couple of years older than me. I don't think she and her family get along.”

“What a shame. She is cute.”

“Mom, what will Dad say when he finds out?”

“Honey don't worry he loves you. He will probably have some problems understanding, but it will work out.”

“Mom are you listening to yourself. We are talking about the man that started screaming at the TV when they showed a pride parade last month.”

“Michelle he was just under a lot of stress and took it out on the TV. He won't hurt you at least not while I am around.” She said , but I could tell she was worried. She wouldn't look me in the eye and her eyes were moist. Mom and Dad had been at odds for several years, we could hear them arguing often. I know they haven't been arguing over money since I heard them talk about how everything was paid for and they could go to France now, but Mom didn't seem excited about it and another argument ensued.

“When are you going to tell him?” I asked.

“When the time is right. First we need to see what is going on with you then we can make decision about that. Don't worry I will take care of it.”
The nurse stepped out and called Michelle Rogers and I just about jumped out of my skin. This wee has been eventful to say the least and is starting to take a toll on me. The Nurse came in after the usual “take off all your clothes and put this gown on and sit up here on the table,” speech. I took my top off and revealed my camisole and the Nurse openly stared at me but stopped when Mom cleared her throat. “Uh, sorry so why are you here today?”

“Because my son is developing into a girl.” Mom said dryly, obviously upset over the Nurses actions.

“How long has this been going on?” She asked.

“About a year.”

“Are you taking any medications not prescribed to you.”

Why did everyone think I was a drug abuser. This was getting on my last nerve. Where ever it was. “No!” I said emphatically.

She took my blood pressure, temperature and my pulse, wrote them down the chart. Had me to get off the table and step on the scales and measured my height. Pronounced me to weigh one hundred and four pounds and sixty four inches tall. Then she abruptly left. Mom was frowning the whole time. Then Dr. Grace came in and looked at the chart and her eyebrows shot up.

“Michelle I know you wouldn't take any drugs, but do you think you might be getting them without your knowledge?” She asked and took out a tape measure. She measured me like Mom and Suzette had done last night. She looked at Mom with a strange look and had me to take off my panties and lay down on the table so she could examine my boy parts or what was left of them. “Why do you have panties on?”

“Because they fit better and I like them. I really want to be a girl. I guess my prayers have been answered. Huh? Not being flippant I really believe it.”

“So do you think someone has been giving you a pill that you didn't know about?” Dr. Grace asked in her beautiful smooth silky voice.
“No mam the only thing close to a pill I get is the good luck tic-tac Albert gives me in the morning.”

“A tic-tac. What does it look like?” Dr. Grace asked seriously.

“I have one here let me show it to you.” and I got my pants and reached into the pocket, pulled out a single blue pill. “See, Albert says they are lucky since they are blue.”

Dr. Grace took it and pulled out this big thick book with Physicians Desk Reference on it. It had all the medications in it. She flipped through the book until she came to a page with pictures of pills on it. She matched the tic-tac to one on the page “Michelle your tic-tac is a five milligram progesterone tablet. I give as hormone replacement therapy for ladies who are going through menopause. This is a pretty high dose for you. I am going to have to draw some blood before we can move forward from here.”

“Are you saying his friend has been giving him estrogen pills for a year?” Mom asked.

“I to looks that way to me.” Dr. Grace answered.

“Michelle why would he do something like this.”

“I don't know Mom. He is my best friend. My only guy friend. We have never argued or anything like that.” I started crying at the realization that Albert had done this to me without my permission and had kept it up for a year. I just couldn't understand why. Mom hugged me and whispered that it would be All right. I just didn't see how though.

“What do we do now Doctor?” Mom asked.

“I need to see how much testosterone he is producing and how much estrogen is present in his body. If he isn't, which is a strong possibility. We may have to contemplate HRT only at a much lower dose as we know he wants to become a female. I am going to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist that specializes in gender issues. He will need to see them to have the surgery if it comes to that. He may already be a candidate for the Real life Test. Right now though I think we need to see what the blood work shows.”

The nurse came in and drew the blood leaving us so I could get dressed and we left after Mom confirmed that they had her number. We were both silent on the way home. I went straight to my room and laid down on my bed. I must have fell asleep because I was awakened by my father who was cursing and yelling at the top of his lungs. “What the hell do you mean he wants to be a girl? I am not going to have some sissy queer bitch in my house! Do you understand?”

“George, I will not have calling Michelle names like that!” Mom said with a growl.

“You... Don't tell me what to say or not say period.” Dad growled back. “Mich get in here now.” he yelled.

Mom suddenly stepped in front of Dad and said. “I will tell you what I will and will not have around here.” She said calmly.

“Mich get the hell in here now.” Dad yelled ignoring Mom.

I walked into the living room and Dad pointed to the floor in front of him and I complied. “Your Mother says you want to be a sissy bitch.”
“George you heard me.” Mom growled. I knew things ere about to get bad and Dad was scaring me more than I have ever been scared.
“Well answer me sissy!”

“Yes sir I do.”

“Well it ain't going to happen. Tomorrow you are going to get a hair cut and I am enrolling you in military school. You are going to grow up a man in this house. Period.”

“George you are not going to touch him.” Mom and pushed me back so I left for my room and Mom and Dad both really started screaming. I wen in and Suzette came in behind me. We sat on the bed hugging each other scared. Things quieted down and Mom came in locked the door behind her and sat on the bed with us. Now I was really scared.

“I am sorry you had to hear that. It looks like we are splitting up. Now before you even think that it is your fault I have to say it isn't. He has been doing some things lately and I have already had the papers drawn up for a divorce. I kept hoping that we could overcome some of our problems and stay together. I guess I will have them served tomorrow. Right now I want you to put some clothes in a bag both of you. I am taking you somewhere safe for the night.” Mom had no more said that when the door to my room came crashing down. Torn from the door frame in one violent motion.

Dad rushed in and grabbed me by the hair of my head. He had a pair of scissors in his other hand. “By God you are going to have that sissy shit cut off right now!” He yelled. Mom grabbed the hand with the scissors, but he threw her against the wall causing her to hit the head board with her head she slumped down and became still. Suzette jumped up and grabbed the hand holding my hair and tried to get him to let go. He just flipped her away like she was nothing. She lept up and grabbed his hand again. I took the opportunity with the distraction and kicked him in the balls. All it did was make him even madder and he punched me in the face in the right eye while still holding the scissors. I felt something warm and wet run down my face causing my right eye to burn. Suzette screamed and suddenly lept on his hand again and bit down on it. Dad yelled and I kicked him three times hard in the balls. He let go of me and I ran out the destroyed door and out side. He tried to catch with without success as I ran out and down an alley. I was headed to Tina's house without knowing it. When I saw her house I ran up to the door and frantically started ringing the door bell until it opened. Tina opened the door took one look at me and screamed.
“Mom, Dad come quick, Michelle is hurt.”

Michelle

Chapter 4

She pulled me inside and her Mom and dad who were both registered nurses came out and grabbed me. They took me into the kitchen where Mr. Rowland Tina's dad kept pressing on my eyebrow. Mrs. Rowland came in with some bandages and a large white cloth soaked in hydrogen peroxide and began cleaning my eyebrow with it. “What happened to you?” Tina asked.

“Dad found out and hit me Mom and Suzette. I think Mom is dead. She wasn't moving when I ran out with Dad chasing me.” Mr. Rowland called the police and gave them my address. Then he asked. “Did he hit you with his fist?”

“Yes sir and he had a pair of scissors in his hand. How bad is it?” I asked.

“You have a cut all the way to the bone. You will need stitches and X-Ray to make sure you don't have a fracture.”

A knock at the door took Mr. Rowland away. I heard him addressing someone as officer and then a tall muscular police officer came in and looked at my cut. “Who did this?” He demanded.

“My Dad.”

“Why.”

“I told him I wanted to be a girl.”

“Did he have a weapon?”

“He had a pair of Scissors in his hand. He was going to cut my hair. He hit Mom first and she wasn't moving, then he hit my sister when she bit his hand to make him let go of me.”

The officer went into the next room and called someone on his radio. Then he told Mr. Rowland to take me to the hospital.

Back at the house. ( I'll bet you thought I was going to say ”Back at the Ranch” Wrong.) My Dad was beating on the front door trying to get back in the house. Suzette had locked the door on him and had called 911. Mom had begun moving again although she was slightly confused. Then they heard a lot of bumping and banging on the front door and Dad cussing. Then Suzette heard the sound of a taser and Dad hitting the ground. She peeked out the window to see Dad being hand cuffed while laying on the ground. Mom opened the door and stumbled out on the porch and collapsed. The police called an ambulance to take her to the hospital. Fortunately it was the one she administered.

I was at the hospital when the ambulance brought her in with Suzette. She saw me and she grabbed me in a hug and started crying. “Are you OK?” Suzette sobbed.

“I'm fine thanks to Tina's mom and dad. How are you and Mom?”

“I'm fine. Mom seems to have a concussion according to the Fire Department paramedic. Oh, and he is cute. She should be fine in a little while. Dad is in jail. So he can't hurt us. He scared me tonight.” Suzette said and started crying again.

The clerk called me back and allowed Suzette to go with me along with Mr. Rowland. Tina had stayed at the house with her Mom to clean up the mess I had made. I would have done it for them if they had let me, but Mr. and Mrs. Rowland wouldn't hear of it. Once inside I realized that Mom and I weren't being treated like royalty because of Mom's position over the hospital, instead it was because of Mr. Rowland. He was important here in the ER and it showed. They allowed Mom and I to be placed in a room together and let Suzette stay with us. Normally they would have made her stay out in the waiting room.

I was X-rayed and I was sown up by a plastic surgeon that was actually going home for the night and he did so well you could barely see where I had been cut. Mom wasn't so lucky. They had to staple her cut up. You couldn't tell it though because it was under her hair. The ER doctor came in and told Mom and I that we were going to be admitted for the night to keep an eye on us because I had a hairline fracture above my right eye and Mom had a hairline fracture under the cut. She got them to put us in the same room so she wouldn't be worried about me.

Suzette was sleeping on the couch in the room and I woke up sometime in the night and saw her trying to get comfortable. “Sis are you OK?” I whispered.

“No I can't get to sleep on this thing. They must have used it in the inquisition.”

“Then come and get in bed with me.” I said without giving it another thought.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, come on you are my sister, no one will say anything.” I said and scooted to one side of the bed. Suzette got in and pulled the covers up as she turned her back to me. I scooched up to her back and put my arm around her waist, I felt her warm soft body and felt a safety that I hadn't felt in a day or two. I went straight back to sleep and slept really good that night. I was awakened by a nurse coming in and taking my vital signs. When she finished she briefly stroked my hair and smiled at me then she moved over to mom”s bed and took her vitals. Mom woke up and looked over at Suzette and I snuggled up together. Mom had a bandage like a hat on her head and a big bruise on her forehead. I was so shocked to see her like that. We had always known that Dad had a temper but nothing like that.
Mom asked. “Are you all right this morning?”

“Yes Mom. My head hurts some, but I am OK. How are you?”

“The same as you.” She said and pushed the button for the nurse.

“Mom what happened last night?” I asked.

“I don't know sugar. Your dad came home in a bad mood and when I tried to talk to him he exploded. There were a couple of times I thought he was going to hit me. Then he threw me against the wall and I don't remember much after that.” Mom started crying just as the nurse came in and she had to explain what was going on. She needed to go to the toilet so the nurse put the rail down on the bed and helped her up. I put my head down on the pillow facing away from Suzette lying there thinking about the events of last night. Something must be wrong with Dad for him to go off like that. Mom was right things are tense right now, but a lot more than she could have ever believed.

Suzette rolled over and threw her arm and leg over me effectively trapping me where I was. I pushed her arm back, but she threw it back over me, about that time Mom came out of the toilet and I gave her best “I'm in trouble look.” “Help please.”

The nurse and Mom both struggled with Suzette and finally got her to roll back and I came out of the bed like I had been shot out of a cannon and took my turn in the toilet. When I came back Suzette was sprawled all over the bed sound asleep. I just sat down in one of the chairs in the room which was much more comfortable to me than the bed anyway. Mom came over and sat down next to me and we sat there watching Suzette snore. Mom suddenly began snickering and was trying to keep it quiet. I realized that she was laughing at Suzette and I began giggling with her. The two of us together made enough noise to wake her and she sat up with a serious case of bed hair. And saw us staring at her.

“What?” She demanded.

“You snore.” I said.

“I do not. Mom Michelle is being mean.” She said as she sat up. She still had her clothes on from yesterday and her hair was standing straight up

I was reminded of the Bride of Frankenstein movie where the woman's hair was standing straight up on top of her head with a big white stripe down the center. I started laughing at her and when I told her why she looked at me and said. “Go look in a mirror yourself.”

I stopped laughing when Mom nodded yes at me. I looked in the mirror and my hair was just as bad. Suzette was giggling at me as I turned and did my best Frankenstein imitation and walked over to her and growled.

Dr. Grace came in after we had borrowed a brush and was almost presentable. “OK ladies I am going to do another set of X-Rays since you aren't glowing in the dark enough and then I am sending you home. The nursing staff has told me that you three are having entirely too much fun here. I do want to you Mrs. Rogers so could you follow me to the nurses lounge please.”

Mom stood up and followed her down the hall leaving Suzette and I to ourselves. “You know I thought Dad was going to kill you.” She said.

“I did too. I have never seen him that angry.” I said.

“I wonder what is going on with him?” Suzette said obviously worried about him.

“I don't know, but I still love him. I know he is in a lot of trouble with the police right now and he may spend some time behind bars, but I still love him.” I said. “To be honest right now I am more worried about Albert. I am having a hard time understanding why he did what he did. He was my best friend we played games together and I find out he was betraying me the whole time.”

“That is tough at least you still have Tina as a friend and she seems pretty solid to me. I am wondering why she has hid behind those baggy clothes all this time.” Suzette mused.

“I don't know, but she is really pretty out of them. The girls on the team made it a point to tell her that she looked great in the shorts and top you loaned her. By the way did I tell you that she is a natural at softball.”

“No you didn't. So she did well then?” Suzette asked.

“She did better than that. She was great. I loved watching her play.” I said remembering the double play that she completed and the two balls she drove over the fence.
“You were standing behind her. Right?” Suzette smirked.

“Yes I was in the out... Hey wait a minute are you insinuating that I was watching her butt?” I said, jumping up off the bed.

“You do watch girls butts, not boys. Am I correct?” Suzette said with an accusing wink.

“I watch girls butts. I even watch yours, I mean it is big and round and it sways from side to side and when you jump up and down it jiggles. I like your butt.” It was hard to say that with a straight face, but I did.

“Are you saying I have a big butt?” Suzette growled.

I remembered the rap song. “I like big butts and I cannot lie.”

The next thing I knew she had me pinned on the bed and was tickling me. Damn she is fast. “So do I have a big butt?”

“NO!” I yelled.

“Do I jiggle?”

“Yes.” And she began tickling me again.

Mom came in about that time and pulled Suzette off of me. “Suzette Rogers.” Uh oh it was a two namer. “What are you doing?”

“Mom, Michelle said I had a big butt that jiggles.” Suzette whined.

“Turn around. Jump.” Suzette did both. “He's right.” Mom deadpanned.

“Thanks for the support there Mom.” Suzette huffed.

“Now that we have that settled sit both of you and she indicated the bed I was sitting on. “Michelle you will have those stitches out in three to five days at Dr. Grace's office. I will have mine out at the same time. Michelle also have a hair line fracture of the right eye orbit above the right eye, that will leave a nasty bruise for the next three to four days. You can still play ball on Saturday, however you need to take it easy. Both of you can return to school tomorrow. I Have the doctors excuses right here. You, Suzette will get a tetanus booster after biting your Dad. Now put your clothes on Michelle we are being discharged. So hop to it.” I got up and began hopping as did Suzette. Mom was not impressed and gave us the serious Mom look. I got dressed and we left.

We stopped at the Flop to get some lunch and I asked about Brittany. The Manager came over and took my hand in hers. “Brittany isn't here anymore.”

“Where is she?” I asked getting more and more worried.

“She's dead. She was found down by the river under a bridge.” The manager said with tears in her eyes. “I loved that girl she was like a daughter to me, and now she is gone.”

“What happened?” Mom asked as she brought the car to a halt in the garage.

“Her father tried to get custody of her and she ran. She hung herself under the bridge.” the tears turned into a river. “How did you meet her?”

“I have known her for quite awhile, but I talked to her at the doctor's office. She seemed sad.”

“She was the last two or three days. I couldn't get her to seek help because she was afraid that the doctor would call her father and he would find her.“ I am sorry for your loss.” I said as I walked away with tears in my eyes. Fortunately Mom had gotten our order to go so we took it and left.
“What's the matter?” Suzette asked when she saw that I had become very quiet and had been crying.“ The manager told me that Brittany is dead. She hung herself because her father was trying to get custody of her.” I said with tears in my eyes.

Suzette stammered “Wh... Why... What... I mean are you sure?” She realized the importance of that information in relation to last night.” You aren't considering the same thing are you?” No of course not. I'm just upset that she felt that was the only way out. Her life was hard. She lived in a flop house. She couldn't afford clothes that looked good or fit right. I learned from a guy at school that she had been tossed out by her family. That was before I actually got to talk to her. She kept saying that I needed the support of family and friends. I understand what she meant now, Mom had tears running down her face and was starting to sniffle. Suzette turned to her. “Mom I'm really excited to finally have the little sister I always wanted."
"I know I am sorry I can't imagine the horror of being told one of you two had done that.” She said and tears came to her eyes.