The Black Ring
(This story involves mental fantasy. Schizophrenia, Dissociative Disorder, Hallucinations, and False Memories are all real disorders. Individuals who suffer from these disorders should be treated with respect and encouraged to get treatment)

My name is Jack and I have a mental illness. I am not ashamed to say it. It was something I was born with. The closest diagnosis anyone has made is schizophrenia, but I don’t fit all the symptoms of it. Some call it dissociative disorder. My condition is super-rare and unique to anyone else. I don’t suffer from it either. In fact, in many ways, I am blessed by it.

“Don’t you agree?” I asked Jill.

“Yeah, sure,” she said giving me a mocking expression.

I’m a college freshman just out of high school and living on my own. Some would say my parents are ridiculously irresponsible for letting me go but my condition is very benign. I’m one of the best students in my high school class. It helps when you have two minds instead of one.

I’m slender and fairly ordinary by appearances. I have dirty blond hair, brown eyes, and pale complexion. Jill is the same way although obviously female. On an ordinary day, I wake up and brush my teeth. I make sure to keep all my teeth perfectly white.

“You missed a spot,” Jill reminded me.

“Thanks,” I muttered as I went over a forgotten tooth. Afterward, I would drink a cup of Listerine and then spit it out in the sink. I have never had a cavity or dental issue.

Then I would shave using a non-alcoholic shaving cream so my skin wouldn’t dry out. I carefully shaved so as to not cut myself. “You missed a spot here and there,” Jill pointed out.

“Thank you, Jill,” I said as I got the rogue hairs.

“Where would you be without me?” Jill asked condescendingly.

“Perhaps, I miss these things because of you. Ever think of that?” I shot back.

“Yeah right,” she said dismissively.

You might be thinking at this moment that Jill is my girlfriend and that we live together in the same apartment. No such luck. Jill is a mental projection, an alternative personality, a figment of my mind. I can see her in the mirror, like some movie cliché, but I can also see her in front of me. When she talks to me, only I can hear her. If I want to talk to her, I have to say it out loud. That’s how it works. As for her clothes, they’re typically the same clothes I last remember her wearing.

You see, I utilize two closets. One closest is for all my male clothing and the second closet is for Jill that contains all female clothes. We make sure that our clothes don’t mix and that we do our own laundry. Easier said than done though. I occasionally have to pick up bras and panties off the floor and put them in her laundry bag. Does any of this make sense?

We all have to sleep or we have those moments when we just doze off or take naps. I do that too and when I do, that’s when Jill takes over. She’s an expert in clothes, make-up, and feminization. She can make me look like a girl perfectly. She even talks like a girl too. It’s amazing the vocal range a person can perform if they work on it. When I’m asleep, she goes out and has fun at the clubs. She’s more social than I am. Does she date men? Sure, she started dating and flirting with boys as early as our teenage years. She always did it when she was dressed as a girl, but she was always careful not to have sex with them.

Does that make me gay? By no means. I find girls attractive and unlike Jill, I have had sex a few times. When Jill is in control, I don’t remember a thing. Occasionally, Jill pops into my head when I am in control but never the other way around. Good thing because if I actually had to see her flirting with men, I would probably vomit in my mouth. It has something to do with me being the dominant personality or something.

Jill turned the other way as I changed into my jeans and t-shirt for school. Jill was generally supportive making sure I didn’t forget anything in my backpack. I got into my car and drove to the university. When I first learned to drive it was positively nerve-wracking. Jill was always second-guessing me and freaking out over little things. I received all the driving courses while Jill did not. Somehow, my experience and skill went over to her. It’s complicated. I don’t know how it works.

***

I went to my lecture class and tried to be attentive. I always sat in the back where there were plenty of other seats around me. Jill sat in the seat next to me and acted as if she were attentive. How can I see two different perspectives at once? Other people have told me that my eyes dart all over the place as if I were ADHD. If I didn’t catch an important detail, Jill might. It’s not a perfect system where I can remember every single detail when someone is talking. I do write with both my right and left hand occasionally writing with both hands at the same time. My right hand writes in my own normal handwriting while my left hand has a more feminine neat style. In the beginning, it would end up being a mess where my notes would overlap hers. We then established a system where I would write on one page, and she would write on the other.

“Wow, that was boring,” Jill remarked after the lecture was over.

“Yep,” I agreed and closed my notebooks.

I tried to not talk out loud as much as possible for fear of someone realizing my condition. I went to the school cafeteria and ordered a cheeseburger and fries. Jill naturally followed wherever I went. She gave me a dirty look as I ate the cheeseburger. “You’re going to make us look fat,” she said flatly.

“I’ll go to the gym,” I said softly.

The cheeseburger didn’t really matter in the scheme of things. I burned more calories than the average person because my body never slept even if my mind did. To avoid talking to myself, I developed a trick whereby I would write in my notebook, she would see it and then reply. To the outside observer, it was just a guy writing in his notebook for an hour while eating lunch.

“She looks hawt,” I wrote.

Jill automatically knew who I meant because I knew. “She has a horse-looking face,” Jill said.
I sighed.

“You don’t want me to get laid, do you?” I accused.

“I don’t care as long as I don’t have to see or experience it,” she said. “You better use a condom, because I don’t want to have to deal with kids. At least, if I have sex pregnancy isn’t a possibility.”

“I don’t even want to think about that,” I wrote.

“It’s going to happen eventually. I’m not just going to stay a virgin my whole life,” Jill insisted.

“It’s not even real sex. A man is putting his cock in your butt,” I wrote rudely.

“It’s more than that. It’s having a man on top of me, kissing me, squeezing my nipples, penetrating me while I have my legs on his shoulders. All that raw power overwhelming me,” Jill said erotically.

I shook my head trying to avoid the mental image.

***

After lunch, I headed off to the gym. In the locker room, Jill gave amusing expressions as she saw other men change. As I changed, the mental projection of Jill also changed. She was now wearing gym clothes.

I generally didn’t work out my upper body for Jill’s sake. If I became athletically fit, it would become more-and-more difficult for Jill to hide it when she cross-dressed. Instead, I worked on my cardio and keeping thin. Did I shave my legs? No, although there was a brief time when I experimented with it and used swimming as an excuse. It was a horrible experience that I dared not repeat. Jill and I made an agreement that she was not to try it when she was in control. She never showed her legs when she dressed up always preferring to wear pants or a long dress that went to her ankles.

At the end of the day, I drove home and felt fatigue set in. Unlike most people, I tend to get sleepy after twelve hours. There’s a slight transition as my mind shifts from myself to Jill. So, it’s not like I feel comfortable driving completely sleep deprived.

I drove to my apartment’s parking lot and entered inside. “Sup?” my roommate said as I entered. My roommate, Nick, was an Asian nerd studying mechanical engineering. Jill and I chose him as a roommate for several reasons. He wasn’t popular enough around school to start spreading gossip about our condition. Since he was socially awkward himself, it wasn’t likely he would notice our weirdness. We were both very certain he was gay, and Jill didn’t find him attractive at all. He also stayed in his room a lot of the time. He was the perfect roommate.

“Good first day,” I said. “Oh, if you knock on my door and I don’t open it immediately, it’s because I’m a heavy sleeper,” I said.

“Alright, good to know,” Nick replied.

In reality, if Nick ever did knock on the door Jill would need sufficient enough time to change clothes to appear as myself. I went to my room and then entered my own bathroom. I generally did not shower with other guys. It was too torturous for Jill. So much desire denied all at once for her. I entered the shower and saw Jill join me. How did I see her? Sometimes, I don’t know myself. A clone of myself? A sister? A lover? Has anyone had a sexual fantasy of making love to themselves or was it just me? Was it incest or merely masturbation? When I was a young teenager, I didn’t have these projections. My fantasy was with an older woman like an actress or supermodel. As I got older, I wanted someone my same age. Presumably, as I become old I will want someone much younger.

One day I recalled, I was stroking my cock in the shower when my hands were replaced with Jill’s feminine hands. She stroked me off until I came. It was the quickest and most powerful sexual high I had ever had up to that point.

This particular time, I stroked my cock as I thought about an actress I had seen in a movie. At the same time I stroked my cock, she would touch her clit with her thumb. I could hear her moan softly even though in all reality, she wasn’t even there.

“Jack, cum inside your dream girl,” she said softly to me.

“I’m trying,” I said as I rubbed faster.

“That’s it. Stroke it harder. You got this,” she said encouragingly.

Finally, I came in the shower and breathed heavily from the effort. A few quick moments and then I felt nothing as usual. Was I fucked up? Probably. I looked for Jill, but she was already gone. I cleaned myself up and then dried myself. I walked over to my cabinet while Jill waited patiently on the bed. She was already dressed in the same blue pajamas I was planning to wear.

I put the pajamas on and didn’t bother turning the lights off. I went to the bed and fell asleep exhausted. It was only 6 p.m. “Sleep tight,” Jill said as I dozed off.

***

I woke up at 6 a.m. in my bed and went to the bathroom to check myself in the mirror. No lipstick this time. I brushed my teeth and shaved as usual. I then looked at my computer and saw that my written notes had been typed out in word documents.

“Do I get a thank you?” Jill asked me.

“Thank you, Jill,” I said.

I always had good manners when it came to myself. I sat down at my laptop and read over the notes for my classes. I then noticed a movie had been playing. I instantly knew what the movie was and its contents.

“What did you think?” I asked her.

“It was okay,” she said uncommitted. “The action was good but the story sucked.”

I nodded. Jill was generally a good critic. There was a book half-finished on my desk. I instantly started to remember what the book was about. It happened to be a romance novel. I didn’t buy it, so I assumed Jill had.

“I think we should have a talk,” Jill said seriously.

“About what?” I asked knowing what it would be about.

“I want a boyfriend, if only for one date,” she said.

“What’s the point?” I asked.

“What’s the point in you getting laid?” she asked.

“This is a male body, and I am a heterosexual male. Likely, we will be married to a woman and have children with her,” I said bluntly.

She seemed frustrated by that prospect. “My future wife isn’t going to want me cross-dressing and having affairs with men,” I added.

“So, you should allow me to have those affairs now while I still can,” she said.

“You’ll just have deeper regret when I do get married. I’m just being practical,” I said.

“Well, this is college, right? Maybe I can experiment with the same sex,” Jill smirked.

“I like it. Take pics,” I agreed.

***

A few weeks went by and midterms came up. My mind was razor-sharp especially with Jill at my side. As usual, I reserved a seat for Jill in the back. When someone did take the seat, Jill would end up on the steps which she hated. As I took the midterm, Jill and I worked together to write as much information as I could. My pencil kept going for the entire hour without stopping. The student next to me noticed that I was using both my right and left hand at the same time as I wrote. At the end of the period, I had written a book on the subject. Feeling good about myself, I turned it in.

A few days later, my TA asked that I speak with her about the midterm after class. “I graded your midterm and it is by far the best in the class. However, there is just one problem I wanted to talk with you about,” the TA said.

“Oh?” I asked confused.

“The way you write suggests someone may have helped you,” the TA said. “Your midterm has two handwriting styles,” the TA said showing me the difference in writing.

“We are so fucked! We’re going to be expelled,” Jill said fearfully.

I ignored her hysterics. “That’s because that page is written with my right hand and this page is written by my left hand,” I said simply.

“You’re ambidextrous?” she clarified.

“Right,” I said sighing with relief.

“Could you demonstrate it for me?” she asked.

I took out a notebook and took out two pens. “I need a prompt,” I muttered. I then saw a motivational poster in the room and remembered the slogan. I then put pen to paper and wrote down the slogan on both pieces of paper at the same time with both hands. The TA looked at my writing amazed.
“Impressive,” she said. “That’s all I needed to know from you. It’s an “A”,” she said.

“Oh? You’re not curious as to how I can do this?” I asked.

“No, I respect student privacy,” she said.

“Tell her. It will be so cool,” Jill said excitedly.

I resisted Jill’s immaturity. “Thank you,” I said politely to the TA and left the building.

***

As I went to the parking lot, there must have been a spring to my step. I was in a good mood despite Jill being a little annoying. “You could have asked her out,” Jill said.

“That would have been unprofessional,” I told her.

“I’m just trying to help you out,” Jill said.

“Message received and deleted,” I told her.

She started staring at some of the guys entering the gym. “One of us needs to get laid,” she said.

I knew she had needs, but I wasn’t going to entertain them. Sex with men would potentially ruin my reputation and subject me to diseases. I could also get my ass kicked by a potential boyfriend. It was out of the question. There was no way a penis was going to be in my mouth or in my ass.

“There’s more to it than just fucking. There’s kissing, touching, and dancing,” she told me.

“It always leads to fucking,” I told her.

“What’s so wrong about being bisexual. It’s not a big deal anymore,” she told me.

“Why can’t you be a Lesbian and make everything easier for me?” I asked her.

“Even if I was, she would figure it out eventually. Women aren’t interested in a man that acts like a female,” she said.

I went to the gym and did my normal routine. One of the girls at the gym caught my eye. “Do we know her from somewhere?” I whispered to Jill.

“She’s in your class, idiot,” she mocked.

“What’s her name?” I asked Jill.

“How should I know?” she asked me.

The young woman was Hispanic, tan-skinned, dark hair and eyes, and had a good figure. I instantly felt attracted to her. “Find out,” I ordered Jill.

***

I woke up in my pajamas and found Jill sitting in my chair. “Her name is Maria,” she said.

“Thank you, Jill,” I said.

“So, you want to fuck her?” Jill asked bluntly.

“I might…,” I began as I brushed my teeth. “Want a relationship with her,” I concluded.

“I saved all the pictures of her I thought were sexy and put them in a folder for you,” she said.

“Creepy and unnecessary, Jill. But thank you,” I said.

“Let’s make a deal. I get you this girl, and you let me go out at night,” Jill said.

I gave Jill an uncertain look wondering what she was up to. “Deal.”

***

In class, the midterms were handed back and the professor pointed me out for being a good student. I was red in the face. I didn’t like the attention. Jill seemed to be enjoying it though. As it happened, I saw Maria in the front row.

“Don’t you dare start sitting in the front row,” Jill warned me.

Once class was over, I was one of the last to leave. As it happened, Maria came to me. She was embarrassed and nervous. “Professor thinks you’re a genius,” she said flirtingly.

“I just don’t sleep is all,” I said. It was partly true.

“I wondered if we could be study partners. It would be the four of us,” she said.

I was slightly disappointed. I would rather have had it be just the two of us or three of us counting Jill. “Sure,” I said.

“Cool, does seven work for you?” she asked.

“No problem,” I told her.

Once Maria was gone, Jill told me the obvious. “This fucks up our sleep schedule,” she hissed.

“I know,” I said softly.

***

I woke up the next morning expecting the worst. “So, how did it go?” I asked Jill.

“She’s sweet but kind of dumb,” Jill said.

“Everyone is dumb compared to us,” I told her.

She shrugged. “Did anything eventful happen?” I asked her.

“Not really, but I can tell she’s focused more on you than anyone else,” she said.

“I have to know for myself,” I said.

“Yeah, fuck me then,” Jill said disappointed.

“It’s not going to be every night,” I told her.

“I want out tonight,” she demanded.

“Fine, whatever,” I relented.

***

My name is Jill, and I am going to go out, tonight! I am so thrilled. I stripped down and started working on my face with make-up. After thirty minutes, I looked great. No one would be able to tell I was male. I wasn’t the type to put an excessive amount of make-up. Just enough to get the job done. I then put on my favorite blond wig and made sure it looked natural all around. I tried to convince Jack that having longer hair could still look masculine. He, of course, refused. I could grow out my hair for months only to have him get a haircut suddenly.

I then tucked my cock and balls in panties specially designed for transsexuals. I would never have to worry about an erection. I placed prosthetic breasts on my chest and then kept them in place with a bra. I had to make sure my breasts didn’t look uneven or unnatural. I then put on women’s jeans and a t-shirt. I wasn’t confident enough to try a dress or skirt just yet. Lastly, I put on some tennis shoes. I was a college girl. I didn’t have to look like I was going to prom.

Which reminded me of when I did go to prom. Jack agreed I could go to prom at some other school and be some guy’s date as long as I didn’t have sex with him. My parents even allowed it which was the astonishing part. I ended up kissing him but that was it. Jack was so relieved I didn’t do anything stupid. In appreciation, I didn’t mind when he fucked some girl in his class a few weeks later. I even helped seal the deal.

You see, we aren’t in competition with each other. We have this symbiotic relationship. Even though we get twice the drama, we also get twice as much done in the same amount of time. Confident in my looks, my next mission was to escape the apartment without being detected by Nick. Honestly, the easiest way for me to get fucked by a man would be Nick. He was totally gay. However, that would cause a hell storm of drama with Jack.

I looked around and made sure he wasn’t in the living room or kitchen. I then quickly made my way out of the apartment and towards Jack’s car. Driving was a risky business. My driver’s license had Jake’s name and his face on it. If I got pulled over, it would be awkward to say the least. As usual, I decided to risk it and went to a club in town. Did they check my ID? No, I was a hot chick.

I ordered a drink using cash and just enjoyed the atmosphere. I hadn’t been able to do this in some time. Sure, I could do this as “Jack” but I always felt like his body wasn’t mine. “Hi, Miss. Mind if I buy you a drink,” a college man asked me.

He was taller than me by several inches, a good body build, and a great smile. I was instantly attracted to him. “Only if you dance with me first,” I smiled back. My voice was perfectly feminine after years of practice.

“Sure,” he agreed.

I went to the dance floor and had some fun with him. Jack would never dance. He was too self-conscious. He couldn’t loosen up. There was also this masculine performance issue. Men had to prove themselves to women to get laid. I didn’t have to do anything but let men come to me. My partner placed his hands on my hips and occasionally rubbed my butt. I enjoyed it and in return, I put my hands around his neck. We danced for a bit and then he gave me a drink. We danced some more and then we hung out until I felt sober enough to drive back home.

“Thanks, Chris. I had a wonderful time,” I said and then kissed him.

“Can I get your number?” he asked.

That was a tricky business. Fortunately, my parents were understandable enough to give me two phones with two phone numbers. I gave him mine and saved his. I went back to my car and thought about Chris. I had a sudden sexual need to rub one out real fast. My cock was still constrained and it was almost painful. No doubt Chris would jack off to a picture of me. Was it wrong for me to know, expect, and accept this reality?

I went home and entered the apartment. If Nick saw me, I could always claim I was his sister who would naturally have a spare key. However, he wasn’t around, and I discreetly went back to my room. Jack and I had chosen our roommate well.

I didn’t immediately undress once I was in my room. I loved looking like a woman. The psychiatrists tried to explain that I was Jack’s feminine side and that I wasn’t really real. I told them to fuck off. I knew that someday Jack would get married and become a father. Would I continue to exist or just fade away? In some regards, I felt like a cancer patient that was enjoying their last several months before the end. As Jack got older, it would become more-and-more difficult to cross dress. I would be a gay man with a woman’s mind.

With the reminder of my time, I studied for class, took notes, read a book, and finally put my clothes away. I took the make-up off my face and then got into pajamas.

***

My name is Jack and apparently Jill had her fun tonight. I checked her phone and saw that she added “Chris” to her phone list. I then looked at a number of selfies and saw someone who was probably Chris in the background. Was it wrong for me to spy on my own self?

“I didn’t fuck him if that’s what you’re asking,” Jill said.

“Much appreciated, Jill,” I replied.

“Does it bother you that I got the first kiss in a new town?” she asked.

“Nope,” I replied.

“And why is that?” she asked.

“Women don’t have to do anything to get a kiss from a guy. It’s no accomplishment,” I said.

“That may be, but it is an accomplishment if the guy is good-looking,” she said.

“I wouldn’t know,” I told her.

“You don’t feel anything for him at all?” she questioned.

“No, I would probably have his build too if I didn’t have you to concern with,” I said honestly.

“That’s fucked up,” she said annoyed.

“I sacrifice a lot for you,” I reminded her.

“Oh, and do you consider my sacrifices? I look and dress like a boy with few exceptions,” she said.

“I didn’t ask for this situation,” I said.

“Maybe…we were once twins in the womb and my body died, so I am your twin sister’s spirit in your body,” she said.

“There’s no evidence of that,” I refuted. “We didn’t have a twin, and you are not a ghost.”

“So, what’s our goal?” Jill asked.

“We get Maria in this bed,” I said resolved.

“And why should I help you?” Jill asked rhetorically.

“If I get a girlfriend, you get a new best friend,” I said to her.

“Let’s get her,” Jill agreed.

***

I went to class but this time Maria was in the back row a few seats from me. I decided to act disinterested and went to my normal seat with Jill next to me. After class, I went to the study room and intentionally dozed off for a moment.

I awoke in the library drooling over some book. I looked around and was pleased Jill took the time to study in the library. I put my books away and went to my “study session.” We discussed the material and readings and then I intentionally took my time putting my books away.

“You’re really smart. Do you do anything but study?” Maria asked me.

“Well, yes, occasionally my alter-ego dresses me up like a girl and kisses guys she’s just met,” I felt like saying.

“I would like to get out more, but I don’t know anyone here in town yet,” I said.

“Well, I could join you,” she said nervously.

“How about bowling?” I suggested.

“So lame,” Jill said to me.

“Bowling is great,” she agreed.

We settled on an evening date for bowling which would piss off Jill no doubt. She said as much. Once she was gone, I took out a notebook and wrote to Jill. “I am gaining her trust,” I said.

“How slow do you want to take this?” she asked me.

“If I try too hard, I might miss her altogether,” I told her.

***

Since I skipped gym in the afternoon, I decided to go in the evening. The gym was open until 10 p.m. I did my normal routine but Jill started freaking out. “He’s here. Chris is here. He’s going to spot us!” she said.

“Not if you did your job,” I spat at her.

Chris was indeed in the gym. I recognized his face from Jill’s phone. He was working with weights and was totally oblivious to me. I decided to ignore him and went back home.

In the shower, I thought about Maria’s sexy body. “You’re thinking about Maria, aren’t you?” Jill teased.

“Fuck off,” I told her as I stroked my cock.

“What if she says no?” Jill asked.

“That would make her a tease,” I muttered.

“Maybe, she’s just using you,” Jill said.

“I want to be used. Go ahead and use me,” I said.

“Did you know, I let Chris touch our butt,” Jill said.

“Fuck it,” I said exiting the shower.

“What did I do?” Jill asked innocently.

“You can be such a bitch sometimes,” I said after drying off and getting dressed.

“I’m sorry,” Jill said apologetically.

“I need homework and studying complete by tomorrow morning,” I told her.

“Yes, Sir,” she said giving me a mock salute.

***

Jill and I coordinated our sleep schedule so that I would be in control during the bowling outing. Maria was inexperienced and frankly terrible at bowling. This gave me the opportunity to “instruct” her. Jill continually rolled her eyes as I helped Maria with her grip.

“This is so dumb,” Jill remarked.

Even with my tips, Maria was still doing badly often getting gutter balls. I could totally kick her ass but that wouldn’t get me laid. I did poorly in the first game to make her feel better. The second game, I worked to impress her by throwing several strikes. To distract her from the loss, I gave her a bunch of quarters for the arcade games.

There was one particular arcade game that I was very good at. The game had two pistols for two players. Maria and I shot at aliens but eventually, Maria lost as expected. “I suck at this,” she admitted.

“It’s alright. I wasn’t good at first either,” I said and put more quarters in the machine. “Watch this.”
With both hands, I fired on the aliens with perfect aim. My hand-eye coordination was perfect with both hands. I won a challenging level perfectly. After the game was over, I took back control of my left arm from Jill.

“You have really good reflexes,” Maria complimented.

“I got some other skills,” I smiled.

“You’re going too fast,” Jill warned me.

I wanted to tell her to shut up but couldn’t in front of Maria. “You want to go out? To a club,” I asked her.

“Can we get in?” she asked uncertainly.

“Sure,” I said confidently.

***

I drove her to the club and managed to get inside without anyone asking for our IDs. I hadn’t actually been to the club before as myself, so I had to rely on Jill to know the layout and drink menus. She spoke to me as I approached the bar. I got a beer and then ordered Jill’s favorite drink for Maria. As I got my drinks, I bumped into a guy.

“Sorry about that,” he said politely.

“It’s Chris,” Jill said freaked out.

“No problem,” I said keeping my cool.

“Have I seen you before. I’m feeling the weirdest sense of deja vu,” he smiled friendly.

“We go to the same gym,” I answered.

“Sure,” he said thoughtfully. “I thought I recognized you from somewhere.”

I nodded and walked away from him. It was the closest I had ever been to being “caught” per se. I walked over to Maria and gave her a drink. She seemed to enjoy it. We always had good tastes in drinks.

“Want to dance?” Maria asked as we finished our drinks.

“I’m not really the type,” I said nervously.

“It’s alright,” she said.

“I’ll be right back,” I said and then walked into the bathroom. I picked out a stall and sat down on the toilet.

“You can take over now,” I said as I prepared to doze off.

“This is such bullshit,” she said displeased.

***

I woke up in my own bed wearing the same clothes I wore at the club. I looked over the rest of the bed half-expecting a naked Maria. No such luck. “You’re gross,” Jill said.

I shrugged. “How did it go?” I asked.

“Fine. We danced for two hours and then I took her home. She couldn’t tell the difference,” she said.

“Anything else?” I asked.

“I...kissed her goodnight,” Jill said embarrassed.

“Ha!” I said clapping my hands. I would make Jill a Lesbian yet.

“It was on the cheek and it was awkward,” Jill said.

“Good job, Jill,” I complimented.

“I’ll get you back for this,” she threatened.

***

My name is Jill, and I’m going to get Jack back for what he did to me at the club. I went down stairs and found Nick in the kitchen. I was still wearing Jack’s masculine clothing. “Hi, how’s it going?” he asked awkwardly.

“Good,” I said using Jack’s voice. “What you cooking there?” I asked curiously.

“Just a dish that reminded me of my family’s cooking,” he said.

“Can I help?” I asked.

“Sure,” he said delightedly.

So, we worked together on making an Asian cuisine dinner. I could tell that Nick was a little nervous the whole time. We accidentally touched each other on numerous occasions. I knew he wanted me. I could see all the signs. Did I like him? Not really, but I was starving for attention and this was payback for Jack leaving me with Maria.

After dinner, I helped clean the dishes. “That was great. We should do this more often,” I said to him.

“Yeah, sure,” he agreed.

I then got close to him and kissed him on the lips. He didn’t resist me but went along with it. I then massaged his dick through his pants to make my point clear. “Until next time,” I said giving a very stunned Nick a pat on the shoulder and then I went up to my room.

***

My name is Jack and it was like any other morning. I went downstairs and found Nick watching TV. He quickly got up as I went to the door. “That was a great diner last night. Want to do it again, tonight?” he asked in a very feminine obviously gay tone.

It took me half a second to register what he meant. “Maybe, we’ll see,” I said politely.

Before I could stop him, he gave me a kiss on the cheek as I left the apartment. Outside, I rubbed my cheek and went inside my car. Jill was already in the passenger seat. I eyed her suspiciously. “What the fuck, Jill?” I demanded.

“Why do you always blame me?” she protested.

“Obviously, you did something last night to give him a false impression. How many other guys have you done this to?” I said outraged.

“Just him and Chris, but I was in drag when I kissed Chris,” she said defensively.

“Why would you do this? We chose that guy for a reason, remember?” I asked.

“You made me kiss Maria, so you deserve it,” she shot back.

“I didn’t make you do anything,” I argued.

“Oh, so, I was just supposed to let her go without any sign of affection? You would be pissed off if I did that,” she said.

“Okay, you had your fun, alright. No messing with Nick after this,” I ordered.

“That depends. Are you going to have me switch while you have your cock inside Maria?” she asked rudely.

“No, and why would I?” I asked her. “You don’t kiss guys as me, and I won’t put you in a position where you have to kiss a girl: deal?” I asked.

“Deal,” she agreed.

“What’s the big deal anyway? I thought girls like to kiss each other,” I said.

“You watch too much Lesbian porn,” she lectured.

***

My name is Jill, and I am headed to the club. I got myself completely feminized and then went downstairs. I must have been careless because Nick spotted me leaving the apartment. I drove to the club and found Chris there. He must have been a regular.

“I didn’t think I would see you so soon,” Chris smiled at me.

“You come here often?” I asked.

“Only every other weekend,” he said. I checked my watch and realized it was a Saturday night. Sometimes, I lose all sense of time.

I ordered a drink and played hard to get. Chris eventually came over to me. “Want to share a booth?” he asked.

So, we went to a booth and took sips of our drinks. We discussed classes and some life goals. As the night continued, and I became more intoxicated we discussed other issues. “So, I have this twin brother. He’s kind of controlling,” I said obviously tipsy.

“That’s unfortunate. How do your parents feel about this?” he asked.

“They treat me like I don’t exist. It’s like he’s the favorite if you know what I mean,” I said.

“I completely understand. I have an older brother who’s already graduated,” Chris said.

“He’s always telling me who I can hang out with and where I can go,” I continued.

“You have to stand up for yourself. You’re an adult, now,” Chris advised.

“Yeah, I have my life, too,” I agreed.

We talked some more and then I went to my car. I wasn’t stupid even in my intoxicated state. If I got caught by the cops, it would be the most humiliating affair. I sat in my car and then dozed off.

***

My name is Jack, and I am apparently drunk, in drag, and sitting in my car. I guess I should be lucky Jill didn’t put the keys in the ignition and doze off. Just having the keys in the ignition could give me a DUI. I looked at myself in the car mirror and was disturbed by what I saw. It wasn’t the first time I had seen myself in drag. Jill had a number of pictures of herself all dressed up on my computer. Looking at myself in the mirror, I could see a semblance of myself.

I took a gym bag filled with male clothes from the trunk. I always did this as a pre-caution. I took the bag with me back into the club. I avoided eye contact with anyone and went straight for the restroom. I hesitated as I realized my dilemma. If I went into the men’s room and was caught looking like a girl, I would be fucked. If I went into the women’s room and came out looking like a man, I would be even more fucked.

I decided to be methodical in my approach. I went into the women’s room first and changed in one of the stalls. I took the dress off and high heels. I put all my girl clothes in my backpack and then changed into my jeans, t-shirt, and tennis shoes. Once I was done, I still looked like a girl. I walked out of the restroom and went back to my car.

In the safety of my car, I took off the wig, cleaned my face of make-up, and then took off the fake breasts from my chest. It was painful as the adhesive stuck well to my skin. Once I was done, I looked like me again.

I stayed in my car and played on my phone until it died. Once I was confident I could drive again, I went home. It was early morning as I came to the door. As it happened, Nick was still up. “Who was the girl?” he asked suspiciously and I could sense hurt in his voice.

“My sister,” I lied.

“Oh, I see,” he muttered.

I was having a rough night, so you will have to forgive me. “You have something you want to say?” I asked harshly.

“It’s just that you’ve been giving me some mixed signals,” Nick said pathetically.

“Oh Really?” I said wide-eyed. “Nick, I’m pretty chill on the surface but deep down I’m an asshole. Remember that,” I said and then went upstairs.

I closed the door and figured that would be the end of that.

“Was that really necessary?” Jill asked sitting on my chair.

I threw my backpack in her closet. “You’re taking care of that shit,” I told her angrily.

“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t do anything inappropriate,” she said excusing herself.

“You never leave me in drag. That was the rule!” I yelled at her.

“I am in drag all the time!” she yelled back at me.

“No, girls can wear whatever they want and it doesn’t matter,” I refuted. “This isn’t the Victorian era.”

“It’s not just the clothes. I can’t wear my wig and I can’t wear my breasts,” she argued.

“None of this is necessary. Do you think clothes, a wig, and fake breasts make you female?” I asked.

“I’m warning you. Do not go there,” Jill said.

“All of this is superficial. Fashion trends change all the time. In some cultures, men wear skirts. In some cultures, the men have long hair. In some cultures, men wear make-up just like you do. You like men? So what? Gay men like men. How are you any different from them?” I asked her.

“I want to be a woman,” she said with a determined expression.

“How can you want what you’ve never been?” I asked rhetorically.

“I want to be treated as a woman by others,” she clarified.

“That’s the magic word, isn’t it? You want to be “treated” like a girl just as I have “treated” you like a girl since the beginning. Maybe, I should stop. Maybe, I won’t imagine you as a girl in my head and calling you Jill,” I threatened.

“You going to take away my breasts and give me a cock and balls, Jack? Do you want me to live as a gay man and have everyone in town know it? I’ll be the town slut. I don’t give a fuck. No girl will touch you after they know. When I dress as a woman, no one knows who I am. You should be thanking me,” she said angrily.

“I would rather have you as a gay man than a transvestite freak!” I said finally.

She stared at me as if I had just slapped her. A part of me regretted what I had just said. A part of me didn’t. “Get us through school. I don’t care what the fuck you do,” I said and then turned the lights off as I went to bed.

***

My name is Jill or Jim or Bill or whatever the fuck. I was in a state of confusion and self-loathing. After a brief period of crying, I went downstairs and knocked on Nick’s door. He eventually came to the door after several knocks. He was groggy and confused. “I’m so sorry,” I said and then kissed him passionately.

He didn’t resist me but instead embraced me. I got low on him and pulled down his shorts. I stroked him to get him good and hard and then I started sucking him. He tensed up as I gave him a blowjob. I didn’t know if he had ever received one before this. I didn’t even know if I was any good at it. I didn’t care at this point. I kept going and within a few minutes, he came in my mouth. I quickly swallowed it and then continued knowing his penis would remain super-sensitive for a few seconds longer. He gasped and closed his eyes as I got the last of it.

After I was done, I stood up to face him. He gave me a dazed and confused look on his face. “Let me give you one,” he said gratefully.

“It’s okay, Nick. Let’s keep this our secret,” I said to him and then left his room.

***

My name is Jack and its time for Finals. While initially, I had studied within the group, I later studied with Maria one-on-one. We were both confident we would do well. Jill was essentially gone. In her place was someone who looked and dressed similar to me. Her femininity had successfully been purged but it was a rather hallow victory. She rarely spoke to me socially and acted more like a servant than a friend. The process wasn’t over just yet. A few more victories and I would have a clone of myself desiring the same goals as myself. Play time was over. This was our destiny, to be unified, and to have one purpose.

During my Final, Jill and I worked together writing furiously with both hands. As before, we practically wrote a book on the subject. I turned it in and met with Maria afterward. She was also confident she had done well. At first, I didn’t think she was very smart. Now, it seemed there was potential. A few days later, I had a private meeting with the TA to verify that I had received an “A” in the class. Not only had I scored the highest in the class, but the TA also assured me that my professor would give me a recommendation letter if I ever needed it.

In my room, I scanned all the image files on my computer. I collected all the pictures of Jill dressed as a woman. I deleted them all. I then checked the camera and all the floppy drives. I deleted any and all pictures of her.. I then opened the closet and saw Jill’s collection of clothes. I could destroy it myself. However, that would only solve half the problem.

I turned to Jill who at this point appeared androgynous. “Get rid of it,” I ordered. I then walked into the bathroom and collected all of her feminine hygiene products. “Get rid of these, too,” I ordered.

“Just throw it away?” she asked subdued.

“Or give it away,” I suggested. “It needs to be done today. I have an evening outing with Maria.”

“I understand,” she replied.

“I’m not going to call you Jill anymore. Choose another name,” I ordered.

***

That evening, I checked Jill’s closet and found it empty. I checked the bathroom as well as found nothing of hers. “Satisfied?” she asked.

“Thank you...,” I said and then stopped myself.

I put on my leather jacket and went downstairs. Nick smiled at me from the kitchen. “I saw you move a lot of stuff out this afternoon. Anything wrong?” he asked.

“After winter break, I’m moving out. Don’t worry. My parents will compensate you for the rent. In fact, you will have the place all to yourself,” I smiled.

He simply stared at me. “I’ll be at my girlfriend’s place,” I said and then walked off.

“Did you need to tell him where you were going? You crushed him,” Jill said softly.

“Good,” I replied.

***

I drove to Maria’s place and noted the fact that her roommate was gone for the weekend. The apartment was smaller and more cluttered than mine, but it would do. “I just found out I aced the Final,” she said happily.

“Good for you,” I said sincerely.

“You’ve helped me out so much,” she said gratefully.

“And now, I am going to help you with dinner,” I volunteered.

Maria and I worked on dinner while Jill stayed on the couch seemingly staring off into space. She didn’t say a word which was just as well since Maria and I were having a good conversation. We discussed our majors and what we would do after college. After dinner, we sat on the couch and watched one of her favorite movies. Normally, Jill would be telling me what she thought of the movie. Instead, she remained silent.

As the movie ended, she asked what I thought of the movie. “Honestly, I was thinking of something else the entire time,” I admitted.

“Really? What?” she asked not offended.

“This,” I said and then kissed her.

She got closer to me as if expecting it. We continued kissing and holding each other until I was on top of her on the couch. We made out touching each other's clothes and intertwining our legs. “Do you want to take this further?” I asked softly.

She nodded and I could tell the excitement in her expression. I got up and followed her to her bedroom. Fortunately, she didn’t share a room with a roommate. As I entered her room, I was painfully aware that it was a girl’s room. It reminded me of all the stuff I had Jill give away. I concentrated on Maria and started kissing her again. She took off her t-shirt indicating to me that we would surely have sex. I went behind her and unclasped her bra. I held her breasts as I continued to kiss her. She moved her body more towards me so that my erection touched her leg.

With her bra off, Maria must have meant business. I took off my shirt and led her over to the bed. At first, I was a little embarrassed I hadn’t worked on my upper body for Jill’s sake. My upper body workout routine would start tomorrow. Maria neither noticed nor cared as I slowly got her out of her jeans. In short order, we were both naked and ready to go. I didn’t even need to warm her up. She was wet and ready for me to enter. She must have been waiting a long time for this as I had.

“You’re not going to use a condom?” Jill asked disappointed. She was still wearing her clothes which was unusual under the circumstances.

I ignored her and pushed inside Maria. She gasped and clung to me tightly. I kept up a steady pace in missionary style. Maria moaned occasionally nearly sending me over the edge. We eventually changed positions with her on top. I touched her breasts as she rode me like a pro. Jill sat in a chair bored and even glancing away from us. Why couldn’t I have a personality that would enjoy my sexual success and cheer me on? Maybe, I could train Jill to be more like that.

Maria cried out as she felt her orgasm. She stayed still for a few moments as her orgasm overwhelmed her. Then, she went back to her quick pace. “I am going to cum soon,” I warned her.

“It’s alright,” she said giving me permission.

With an involuntary twitch, I felt myself shoot inside her. “Oh, fuck!” I grunted as I felt several powerful surges through my cock.

“Wow, that was great,” she smiled complimenting me.

It did feel great. She was beautiful and very sexy. Not only that but it seemed obvious to me at least that she would want to have sex frequently. Maybe, we could even discuss a roommate situation by the end of the next semester.

***

In the morning, I woke up to sunlight on my face. Maria smiled as I woke up. She was still naked. “Wow, you really don’t sleep for long,” she said amazed.

“Yeah, right,” I said a little confused.

Maria got close to me and kissed me. “The second time was so much better than the first. I think we’re connecting,” she said pleased.

Second time? I looked at a fully clothed Jill, but she gave nothing away. So, she was giving me the silent treatment. She had done this before but would eventually come around. “Oh, well, maybe the third time will be even better,” I said.

“Alright,” Maria said and then started stroking my cock.

***

I headed back home a little flustered. Maria still maintained that the second time was the best. I turned to Jill who was looking out the window. “You had sex with Maria?” I asked softly.

“Yes,” she said simply.

“Why?” I asked.

“She noticed I was up in the middle of the night watching TV. She asked if I ever slept. I told her that I don’t sleep and that’s why I do so well studying. She then asked me to come back to bed,” Jill said.

“Okay,” I allowed.

“Okay?” Jill questioned.

“You had to do what you had to do under the circumstances. Thank you,” I said politely.

“Yeah, sure,” she replied awkwardly.

I felt guilty and my pride had taken a hit. I had promised Jill I would never put her in a situation where she would have to fuck a girl. Not only that, but Jill had managed to do a better job than me. I wanted to know everything she had done but my pride wouldn’t allow it. Jill didn’t yell at me or anything. Secretly, I hoped she would change and become like me. If we both were attracted to the same sex, that would make things a lot simpler.

“So...not too bad after all,” I said to her.

“Whatever,” she muttered.

***

My parents were affluent and so they had no problem with me taking out another apartment lease for the next semester. I was doing well in school, and they didn’t want to do anything that could set me off. I moved out immediately and started sending out ads for a new roommate.
“I’m looking for a new roommate,” I said casually to Maria.

“What’s wrong with the one you got?” she asked.

“Nothing’s wrong with him per se. It’s just that I found a better location,” I said and then gave her the address.

“Oh, I see,” she said recognizing how close it was to the campus and the shopping center. “Well, I don’t know anyone who needs a place.”

“What about you?” I asked boldly.

“Oh, I couldn’t I still have a lease,” she said.

“What if I took care of it?” I asked.

“You could do that for me?” she asked amazed.

“Sure, no problem,” I said confidently.

“I would have to think about it, honestly. It’s a big step,” she said.

“Sure, there’s no rush,” I said. I didn’t think she would say yes, immediately. However, the idea was now in her head.

***

Just as winter break was finishing, I picked up Maria for a nice dinner date. Things were going well between us especially after a New Year’s Eve Party.

Maria started scanning the radio while I concentrated on the road. Jill was in the back seat staring off into space. I tried not to glance behind to give her a look. “You’ve been so great to me, Jack,” Maria said appreciatively.

“No, problem,” I said as we arrived at a light.

“You’re so understanding like you know what I’m thinking before I say it,” she continued.

That was mostly due to Jill’s insight, but I couldn’t tell her that. I pulled ahead as the light turned green. I saw a glaring light out Maria’s side window. “Jack!” Jill shouted at me.

The car blew through the red light and struck our car at a high rate of speed. There was a sudden red mist in the air as the incoming car crashed through Maria’s side. The glass shattered all around me and my head was flung towards the side window nearly knocking me unconscious. My car dragged a little until we both came to a stop.

Dazed and confused, I touched my head and felt blood. “Don’t look, Jack,” Jill warned me.

I looked anyway and saw Maria completely crushed from the impact. She had died instantly. I had to get out of the car. I unbuckled myself and opened the car door. I stumbled outside and made a few steps before I collapsed in the street.

“Just stay down until the ambulance arrives,” Jill said to me.

I looked back and didn’t see the accident anymore. The streets were empty of cars, and I didn’t hear the ambulance sirens. “I think I’ll walk home,” I said getting up.

“Don’t be stupid, Jack. The ambulance will be here soon,” Jill said to me.

“Why do I need an ambulance? I’m fine,” I said as I stumbled about.

“There was a car accident. You can’t just leave,” Jill shouted at me.

“What accident? I don’t see an accident,” I said looking back at the empty intersection. “I’ll just walk back home and cancel the date with Maria. She’ll understand,” I said as I continued walking.

Jill simply stared at me. “Okay, the way is this way,” she pointed out.

“That’s right,” I agreed.

I walked with a limp through the streets until an ambulance drove up to me. “Are you alright?” the paramedic asked.

“Never better,” I said slurring my words.

“Get him in the back,” the paramedic said upon seeing my face.

I gave Jill a confused look. “They’re going to give us a ride back home,” she said

“That’s nice of them,” I remarked.

They placed me in the ambulance and started putting a bandage around my head. “We found a guy stumbling close to the crash site. He’s responsive but confused,” the paramedic radioed.

“What crash?” I muttered.

“You’re going to be taken care of, son,” the paramedic said to me.

“That’s nice of you,” I said and then passed out.

Part II

My name is Jack and I awoke after what felt like a long sleep. I felt groggy and disoriented as I got out of bed. I was in pink pajamas. I would have to remind Jill not to do that. I looked around the room and found it utterly feminine. It was as if I was in a girl’s room. I shook my head and went to the bathroom. It had been completely redone with Jill’s things all over the place. We would have to talk about this, too.
I then looked at myself in the mirror and saw a woman’s face. It didn’t make any sense to me at the time. I washed my face thinking it was make-up from when Jill cross-dressed. As it turned out, there wasn’t any make-up on my face. My face had been feminized yet still looked familiar. I touched my hair. It wasn’t a wig or hair extensions.

Fear and anxiety suddenly gripped me. I tore off my pajamas and found myself wearing a white bra and panties. I took off my bra and stared in the mirror. Was I dreaming? How was this possible? On my chest were B-cup breasts with normal-sized nipples. I held them in my hands realizing they were real. These weren’t fake breasts attached to my chest using adhesives. These were real and a part of me. I pinched them and felt pain.

I then slowly took off my underwear fearing the worst. I looked down and nearly shrieked. My cock and balls were gone, completely missing. I felt for it and found the entrance to a female vagina. I looked over my body and saw a perfectly female body. My breasts, waist, and hips made for a perfect hourglass figure, my body was hairless and was much slimmer than before.

“Is this magic?” I wondered out loud.

“No, just modern medical science,” Jill said approaching me naked.

I looked at her and saw a mirror image of myself. “You’re back! I have missed you. I am so happy you finally came out of it,” she said happily. If she could hug me, she would.

“What have you done to me?” I demanded stunned.

“Jack, you were gone,” she muttered.

“What have you done!” I shouted at her.

“Keep your voice down. People will hear,” she said.

“I don’t give a fuck. Why do I look like this?” I pressed her.

“I did it. I underwent hormone therapy and had the surgery to make me a woman,” she said.

I noticed an almost undetectable scar under her breasts where the implants had been placed under the skin. “You had no right,” I said angrily.

“Look, you were gone,” she repeated. “How long was I supposed to wait for you? Did you think I was going to live my whole life trapped in the body of a man on the chance you would come back?”

“How long was I out for?” I demanded.

“Five years,” she said flatly.

I looked at her stunned. Five years of my life gone. “How?” I wondered.

“After the crash, you never woke up. I don’t know why you decided today to just wake up,” Jill said.
I looked at her as the realization hit me. I could never recover from the damage Jill had done to my body. My cock was gone. I would never be able to fuck a woman, impregnate her, and be a husband and father. I would never be the dominant partner in the relationship. I was no longer the dominant person in my own mind!

“You’re freaking out,” Jill told me.

“Of course, I am,” I said. “I just woke up to find myself a woman and not even a real one.”

“That’s not fair. I live as a woman 24/7 now and everyone around me recognizes that fact,” she said.

“You cut off my balls. How are we supposed to have kids now?” I demanded.

“For your information, I saved some of your sperm for later use. We can always adopt, too,” she said.

“It’s not the same,” I said filled with self-pity.

“You wanted some mystical power where you can impregnate a woman with your cock?” she asked.

“Yes, that’s what I wanted,” I said.

“Join the club. Do you realize how frustrating it is for me to have a man cum inside me knowing it will never create anything?”

“How many men have you fucked in the last five years?” I demanded.

“Just one, asshole,” she said offended.

I then noticed the ring on her finger and then realized it was also on my finger. It was a diamond engagement ring. “No way,” I realized.

“We’ve been engaged for over two years now. We’re going to get married, soon,” she told me.

“It’s Chris isn’t it?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said simply.

“I can’t get married to a man. This is crazy,” I resisted.

“Look, we’ll work something out, alright. Maybe we can negotiate an open marriage. I will have Chris and you can find some Lesbian out there,” she suggested.

“I can’t deal with this. You’ve ruined my life,” I said.

“Ruined your life? I finished our degree, got a decent job, and got engaged to a wonderful man while also undergoing a transition. I think I’ve done well for myself,” Jill said offended.

“I hate you. I wish I never had you,” I shouted at her.

She glared at me. “Look fucker, we’ve been together for twenty years. You’re the one that bailed out on me leaving me alone for five years. You never treated me as an equal. You didn’t even consider me real. Our parents tried to get rid of me. Do you know how that feels?” she asked angrily.

“Look, if we agree to change us back to before, I’ll agree that you can have sex with men. I can be a gay man, fuck it,” I proposed.

“You’re not in any position to bargain, Jack. Our parents spent a lot of money for me to transition, and they’re not just going to hand us thousands of dollars to turn us back. And we’re not going to find a gay man interested in a man that has no cock,” she said.

“And did you forget that I am engaged now. I’m not throwing that away,” she said obviously.
“Maybe, I’ll just fall asleep and hopefully never wake up. This is your show,” I relented and flopped on the bed.

“Fuck you, Jack. We work as a team. We’re going to have a great career, raise a family, and live a good life. I tolerated it when you fucked girls, and you’re going to tolerate it when I fuck my husband. Maybe, we can work something out with you. But in the meantime, you’re not going to fuck this up for me,” she said to me.

I simply looked at her stunned. “Alright,” I said.

“Put on some clothes. I don’t like standing around like this naked. It’s weird,” she said.

I reluctantly put her underwear back on but couldn’t manage to get the bra on. “It’s not that difficult,” Jill said teaching me how to put it on.

“It feels weird,” I said putting it on.

“It’s restrictive, but you don’t want them flopping around,” Jill said.

“These things are useless other than to attract men,” I muttered.

“Not true. Other women enjoy looking at them, too. Being attractive has professional perks,” she said.

I put on my pajamas and explored the room with Jill following me. I looked through the closet and saw only feminine clothes. “Your clothes were donated away years ago,” she told me.

“Great,” I muttered.

I looked over at my computer and saw that the date was more than five years into the future. The laptop was different and more advanced. “Your old laptop was thrown away years ago. I saved our picture portfolio,” she said.

I sat down at the laptop. “Password, please,” I requested.

She told me the password and I looked at the desktop. It was a new operating system I didn’t care for. I went into the picture folder and started looking through them. I went as far back as I could and found pictures several months after the accident. I saw summer vacation photos of Jill with my parents.

“They grieved for you, Jack. I waited two years until I started transitioning. There was no sign of your return,” she said.

I then saw pictures of Jill with Chris in different locations and then I saw Jill’s graduation photos. These were supposed to be my moments. I had lost everything. I then saw the proposal pictures of Chris and Jill. It was on a mountain top with Chris on one knee and Jill acting surprised. I had no right to ruin Jill’s happiness. I was fucked up.

“Find me some clothes to wear and make them black,” I ordered.

***

Jill placed several black outfits on my bed for me to choose from. I simply picked black pants and a black coat. “You look like you’re headed to a funeral,” she remarked.

I said nothing. “You will want this,” Jill pointed to a black purse.

I looked inside and saw that all my cards were changed to Jill. My driver’s license had a recent photo of Jill’s face and her new legal name. “You have no idea how much paperwork I had to do to change our name, legally,” she said.

“I bet,” I muttered.

I walked through the small house and saw Chris watching TV. I tried to avoid him like the plague. “Hi, honey. Where you off to?” he asked.

“Don’t fuck this up for me,” Jill warned.

“Just going to the store. I’ll be back soon,” I said sweetly.

“Your voice sounds hoarse. You getting a cold?” he asked.

“You know, that’s why I’m going,” I replied.

I walked outside and saw a truck and a car. “You own the car,” Jill pointed out.

I entered the car and studied the controls briefly. “We need to work on your voice,” Jill said.

“Right, whatever,” I said as Jill materialized in the passenger seat.

I was still in the college town but there were some slight differences as I drove around. “Where is she?” I demanded of Jill.

“Come on, Jack,” she protested.

“Tell me or no deal,” I threatened.

She then told me the street address. I drove to the local cemetery and parked my car. “Now, tell me where it is,” I ordered.

She sighed and pointed out the place. I walked through the tombstones until I found it. The gravestone had her name and death date. There was a picture of Maria leaning against the stone. “I went to the funeral as you,” Jill said.

“Thanks,” I said sincerely.

“Did anyone blame me?” I asked.

“No,” Jill said flatly.

I couldn’t tell if she were telling me the truth or not. “Alright, we work as a team,” I said offering Jill my hand. The mental projection of her placed her hand next to mine.

“Glad to have you back.”

***

I went back to my car and sat inside for a few moments. “What’s the deal with the house?” I asked.

“We’re renting it,” she answered.

“Is Chris gay?” I asked.

“Not at all,” she smiled amused. “He knows of my transitioning. He never met you as you,” she said.

“Did we have sex before you cut our dick off?” I asked rudely.

“First of all, I didn’t cut it off. I inverted it. It’s still there. Second, yes, we did have sex before my surgery,” she admitted.

“So, that makes him gay,” I clarified.

“You should stop labeling people. Technically, you’re gay, too,” she said annoyed.

“It’s a simple question. Did he or did he not put his dick in your ass?” I asked bluntly.

“Yes, but it was like male-female sex,” she said. “I never put your dick in his ass.”

“Did he suck your cock?” I continued.

“Yeah, but I sucked his cock too,” she said.

“Sounds pretty gay,” I rolled my eyes.

“What does it matter?” she asked flustered.

“I just want to know what I’m dealing with,” I said. “Does he know you fucked girls?”

“No,” she said lamely.

“Why didn’t you tell him that?” I asked amused.

“Because it wasn’t relevant and it wasn’t me anyhow,” she argued.

“Is he aware of us?” I asked.

“No,” she said again.

“For God’s sake, don’t you think that’s important for him to know before the wedding?” I asked.

“You were gone, and I didn’t know whether you would come back. I wasn’t schizophrenic when I dated him,” she said defensively.

“Do we tell him now?” I asked.

“No…yes…I don’t know,” she said uncertainly.

“Look, what the fuck, I could be gone again for another five years after today. Maybe today was just a fluke. We act as nothing happened,” I said.

“Alright,” Jill agreed.

***

I drove up to the house and went inside. Chris was still watching TV, a football game. “Hey, do you want to watch the game with me?” he asked.

I turned to Jill who shrugged. I gave her an annoyed expression. “Sure,” I agreed.

I sat in the rocking chair and watched the game. I enjoyed watching football but after five years the players were different from what I remembered. I took out a notepad from my purse and began writing down questions.

“What is his favorite team?” I asked.

“The Patriots,” she said to me.

I tried to hide my look of disgust. The game I was watching was a Patriots game where they were easily beating the Dolphins.

“Does he like beer?” I wrote.

“Sure,” Jill replied.

“You want a beer?” I asked Chris.

“That would be great, thanks,” Chris said appreciatively.

I went into the kitchen and opened it. Most of my favorite foods were there. Jill and I had the same tastes. There was a twelve-pack of beer. “He drink a lot?” I asked softly.

“No, not really,” she said.

I took out a beer and went back to the living room. “Thanks, honey,” he smiled as I gave it to him. “Why don’t you sit with me, and we can watch the game together,” he said.

I complied sitting next to him and hoped his team would somehow lose. He put his arm around me making me very uncomfortable. Jill sat on the couch next to us with an anxious face. I took out my new advanced smart-phone and started texting to myself.

“What’s with the phone?” he asked.

“I am using the NFL app to monitor the stats,” I lied and then quickly downloaded the app to cover my tracks.

“That’s cool,” he said sipping his beer.

Inevitably, the Patriots scored a touchdown. Chris was on his feet expressing joy and victory. I just sat there awkwardly while Jill winced. “It’s great,” I said insincerely.

He sat back down again and kissed me on the lips. I was stupefied but didn’t resist. I had never been kissed by a man before. The kiss only lasted a second but its impact could be felt. My body was energized and jittery. I was nervous and aroused all at the same time.

The rest of the game was uneventful. We had dinner together and found that we worked well as a team. Of course, Jill was helping me the entire time. By evening, I went to sleep early as usual.

***

When I woke up, I was naked with Chris in bed next to me. He was naked too but sound asleep. “Oh my God!” I said to myself.

I got out of bed and prepared to take a shower; anything that would purify me from what had just happened. “It’s not a big deal. We do it all the time, now,” Jill said naked in front of me.

“Did you plan this?” I accused.

“No, it just happened, spontaneously,” she smiled.

“Did you suck his cock?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Jill admitted.

I immediately took toothpaste and brushed my teeth thoroughly. Jill merely smirked as I got every tooth. I then looked closely in the mirror to see if any rogue hairs had grown on my face. There was nothing. “You don’t have to worry about shaving ever again,” she assured me.

I finished my routine and then went into the shower. I had to get the taint of that man off me. I felt like Jim Carey, needing to light my clothes on fire and take a long cold shower. The door then opened and in stepped in Chris.

“You weren’t going to shower without me, were you?” he asked playfully.

I was horrified. There was no way to escape. Even Jill gave me the “you’re fucked” look. “I just wanted to let you sleep,” I said sweetly.

“I’m wide awake now,” he assured me and then entered the shower.

I gave him the elevator eyes as I saw his large feet, his thick legs, his cock and balls, smooth stomach, muscular pectorals, strong-looking arms, and confident masculine face. He was everything I wasn’t or could be. Even as a man, I couldn’t have reached such a level. For a moment, I felt embarrassed as if I were competing with him.

“You look beautiful,” he said and then kissed me lovingly.

I kissed him back but felt weird doing it. This was now the first time I had kissed a man while naked. We were dangerously close to doing something sexual. “You look good, too,” I said lamely.

“Let me wash you up,” he offered and then took my feminine body wash. He rubbed me all over making me feel weird inside. I didn’t have a dick that would become erect. Instead, it felt like a phantom dick wanted to be stroked. He touched and squeezed my breasts and then touched around my vulva. I knew that soon I would be washing him.

“Let me get your back,” he said and then gave me a great back rub. “You feel so tense,” he said as he felt my back and shoulders.

“Can you loosen them up?” I asked.

He complied giving me a great massage as the warm water poured over me. He washed my back and then touched my butt. Some part of me, perhaps deep down in my subconscious, wanted me to just bend over and have him take me. I resisted the urge and turned around. I started washing his body and realized that he was completely erect. I figured there were only three solutions. I could have him fuck me in the shower, I could suck his cock, or I could give him a handjob. Taking the body wash, I started rubbing his cock. He smiled at me as I rubbed him the same way I liked to rub myself. Within a few minutes, he came in the shower.

Realization then hit me. I had just jacked a guy off. “Thank you, Jill,” he said appreciatively and kissed me.

Chris exited the shower first while I worked on my hair. Jill then materialized in the shower and gave me a thumbs up. “This isn’t supposed to happen,” I whispered to her.

“What did you think would happen? Do you think he’s only going to love you at night?” she asked.
It was a good point. “Help me with this hair,” I asked her.

I finished brushing my hair and then went into the bedroom to put something on. Jill picked out the clothes from the closet, and I simply put them on. I felt like a prisoner with a strange man as my jailer.

***

To avoid seeing Chris, I worked longer hours at the office. Jill and I worked as a team for maximum efficiency. I quickly learned how to do her marketing job. Once I was done with my work, I started working on other people’s work; anything that would give me purpose and keep me from having to go home. By 6 p.m., I was exhausted and handed my life over to Jill.

The next day, I would wake up early using an alarm and went to work early avoiding Chris. “You’re being a bitch,” Jill said as I drove to work.

“What now?” I asked.

“Chris and I would often have breakfast together or at the very least chat before I would go to work,” Jill said scornfully.

“Give me a break,” I said.

I arrived at a coffee shop and read the newspaper. Occasionally, a pretty woman would come in. At least, I still had my sexuality. Jill picked the women apart telling me flaws I had missed. “They’re not Lesbians anyway,” she said to me.

My odds weren’t good. I had a small chance of successfully finding a Lesbian randomly. I would have to find them either by using the Internet or a Lesbian bar in town. While at work, I found several Lesbian dating profiles in the town.

“It’s cheating,” Jill accused.

I typed my responses on the computer. “We are two different people,” I said.

“That’s not how everyone else is going to see it,” she replied.

“Then we tell Chris the truth,” I said.

“No way. He would freak. I am lucky to have someone who tolerates me as I am now,” she said.

“If he is understanding about that, he should be understanding about this,” I reasoned.

“No, it’s different. We’re admitting to him that half the day we are a man in a woman’s body that isn’t interested in him. No one wants a lover half the day and a stranger the other half.”

“So, we just don’t get caught,” I said simply.

***

On the weekends, I couldn’t use work as an excuse to stay away from Chris. We discussed wedding plans with Jill telling me what to say the entire time. I really didn’t give a shit about the planning. As far as I was concerned, I wasn’t the one getting married.

I maneuvered the day so Chris wouldn’t be too affectionate towards me. At night, Jill over-compensated for me being a “bitch.” On one particular weekend, I went to visit my father on the golf course. He was the most tolerant father a person could ask for. He didn’t mind that his son was schizophrenic and then he tolerated me transitioning into a woman.

“I’m surprised you didn’t invite Chris,” my father said.

“I prefer to have more one-on-one time,” I said.

“Any trouble between you two?” he asked.

“No,” I lied.

I swung the golf club expertly sending the golf ball across the field. “Nice swing, son,” my father said.

“Thanks,” I said.

“You fucked up,” Jill muttered to me.

“I…,” I stammered.

“Jack? Is that you?” my father asked astounded.

“Yeah, dad,” I admitted.

“How long?” my father asked.

“Just a few weeks ago,” I said.

“Wow, what happened with you?” my father questioned.

“I don’t know. I was there in the accident and then I woke up in bed five years later,” I said.

“A lot has happened in five years,” my father noted.

“I know,” I replied.

“Is Jill still there?” he asked, and I could tell that he was scared she was gone forever.

“She’s still with me,” I answered.

“You know, I love you both,” my father assured me.

“I know, dad,” I said.

“How are you with Chris?” my father asked.

“Well, you know, we’re best buds,” I lied.

“That bad,” my father grimaced. “You’re going to get married, Jill, I mean.”

“Yeah, I’m just going with the flow,” I admitted.

“Do you blame us for allowing Jill to transition?” he asked.

“No, I was gone with no hope of returning. It was the logical decision,” I allowed.

“If you and Jill decide to go back, we can help you,” my father offered.

“No, I think one sex change is enough for a lifetime,” I joked.

We discussed many other things and for the first time in five years, I beat my dad on the course.

***

It was not always the case that I was up in the day and Jill was up at night. It could easily be switched around, which we did. Jill went to work and then I went over to a Lesbian bar for a first-time experience. I was half-expecting most of them to look like dudes and the other half to be unattractive and fat. I was pleasantly surprised that they generally looked like normal college girls. I felt a little self-conscious entering wondering if anyone would suspect me.

I tried to keep cool and ordered a drink. There were only women in the bar, and I was paranoid that they were all looking at me. A man might not be able to tell the difference between a genetic woman and a transsexual but maybe a woman could.

“Chill out, dude,” Jill said sitting at the bar next to me.

“You’re a newcomer,” an attractive brunet said sitting to my other side.

“That’s true,” I said taking a sip of my drink.

“You just here to avoid rude men or are you queer?” she asked boldly.

“Oh, I am very queer,” I smiled. Jill started laughing behind me.

“You’ve ever been with a woman before?” she asked.

“A few,” I said truthfully.

“You go to school here?” she asked becoming interested in me.

“Actually, I have my BA already, and I work at a marketing firm,” I said.

“Cool, I’m a junior studying biology,” she said.

“I have taken some biology courses, and I take excellent notes,” I said smirking.

She bit her lip and hesitated. “Show me,” she said finally giving me a flirtatious smile.

“You got her,” Jill smiled as we got into my car. Jill got into the backseat and wasn’t too pleased being in the back. However, I couldn’t tell my lovely date that she had to sit in the back to make room for Jill. That just wouldn’t work out.

***

We drove to her place and made small talk. Soon thereafter, we were taking our clothes off and making out as if we hadn’t made love in years which was true. I took off her bra and went after her nipples. We threw our clothes on the floor and got naked. It seemed so easy, so right. I couldn’t get her pregnant and getting an STD was rare. I did to her what I would do if I were a guy except without the penis. I engaged in foreplay kissing her and caressing her breasts. I placed my vulva on top of hers and grinded together as if I still had a cock. She moaned in pleasure while I stayed mainly silent. I wasn’t practiced or accustomed to vocalizing during sex. I placed two fingers inside her and got her good and wet. She bucked against my fingers and then finally clenched down on them. She cried out as her orgasm went through her.

“That was nice,” she said kissing me. “Let me go down on you,” she offered.

I wasn’t sure that was a good idea. Would she discover something wrong? She put her lips to my clit and started kissing and licking me. I had to admit it felt pretty good. Not enough to get me to orgasm but pleasant none-the-less. After an extended period of time, I faked an orgasm, so it would be my turn. That night, my new Lesbian girlfriend was satisfied. My male ego received the boost it needed.

***

Although Lesbian sex had been enjoyable, it was not the same as when I was a man. I decided to buy a fake cock. Every so often, I went to the lesbian bar and picked up a girl. Many of them were sex-starved for there was a lack of sexual partners to go around. There was also this awkward thing going around where two women would talk but never muster the courage to make the first move.

I went to a blonde’s apartment and then had a great time using my fake cock. Sex was nearly the same except I had breasts and a smaller body. Did I get orgasm of my own? No, but that wasn’t really the mission.

Eventually, all good things come to an end. Despite two heads working as one, Chris caught on to what I was doing. He spotted me entering the Lesbian club and took a picture. Once I came home late at night, he confronted me on it.

“What is this about?” he asked showing me a picture of me entering the club.

“Oh fuck!” Jill said realizing we were caught.

“What about it? I like to drink there,” I said coldly.

“Are you a Lesbian? I saw you leave with a girl,” he accused and showed me another picture of me leaving with a girl.

“She’s just a friend,” I lied. “I go to this bar to avoid male attention. I figured you would like that,” I said.

“What’s wrong with us going out together? You’ve been distant,” he said. “I think you’re cheating on me.”

Jill was freaking out, but I kept my cool. “Alright, Chris. The truth is that I am not Jill. Not now, anyway,” I said.

“What?” he asked confused.

“I’m schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder. I was born with two distinct personalities, one of which was Jill. Five years ago, I disappeared after a traumatic car accident. Now, I’m back. I’m sorry, Chris. I don’t love you,” I said bluntly.

“What is your name?” he asked me.

“My name is Jack.”

***

I explained to him everything that had been happening. It was the only way to save Jill’s relationship with Chris. All the blame, and rightfully so, had to be placed on me. “When will Jill return?” Chris asked.

“When I go to sleep. It’s not a sudden thing,” I said.

“I need to talk to Jill,” he said.

“Fine,” I said and then went to sleep.

The next morning, I half expected everything to be a disaster. Surprisingly, I found myself naked with a naked Chris near me. “Really?” I said to myself.

“We had the best make-up sex ever,” Jill gushed.

“I bet you did,” I grumbled.

I brushed my teeth and took my shower. I then purposefully waited for Chris to wake up, so we could have breakfast together. He eventually did and sat across from me. “I gather you’re Jack, now?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

Jill and I had a chat. “Do you know what we talked about?” he asked.

“No, go ahead,” I said.

“Okay, so we discussed what we’re going to do. The wedding is still on, but I have decided I need to be understanding about your needs,” Chris said politely.

“Okay,” I said.

“I understand that you’re a straight male in the body of a female. It would stress me out if I were in your position. I’m not going to try to turn you gay or try to get you to like me,” he said.

“Thanks,” I said.

“Still, it’s damn confusing for me. I don’t know whether I am talking with Jill or Jack. So, I have developed a system to help me out. When you’re Jack, wear a black t-shirt. When you’re Jill, you will wear anything else. That way I can tell who I am talking with,” he said.

“Fair enough,” I said.

“Look, man. For the last few years, it’s just been Jill and I. We never had to share with anyone else. It’s hard for me to accept that I can only be with Jill half the time, now,” he said.

“I understand,” I said sincerely.

“So, it's agreed?” he asked.

“Agreed,” I said.

***

I followed through either wearing a black t-shirt or a black outfit to make it obvious it was me. Jill thought it was a good idea but didn’t like that she could no longer wear black anymore. I didn’t care for fashion; black every day was fine.

Chris stopped trying to be loving to me when I wore black. It was difficult at first, but he quickly adapted. He never kissed, hugged, or touched me when I was in black. Instead, he acted like my best friend. We would drink beer, watch football, play pool games, go to the gym, and other masculine activities. After a few weeks of this, Chris seemed like a cool guy. As for me, I didn’t go back to the Lesbian bar or any of my Lesbian girlfriends. The thrill was gone.

The wedding plans continued although I had little to do with the plans. It didn’t seem right for me to make decisions on Jill’s behalf. Chris and I showed up to get fitted into the wedding dress. I was wearing a black outfit so there was no confusion. Jill was beside me the entire time. I looked at the wedding dress uncertain.

“Let’s see how it looks,” Jill said excitedly.

I rolled my eyes and put the dress on. Chris took some camera shots, and I looked at myself in the mirror. I felt like I was an actor in a play. How could I be a bride? The whole idea was absurd. “Well?” I asked Jill.

Jill directed me to move in various ways to get a better angle or look. Chris seemed to notice I was talking very softly to myself. “Does she like it?” Chris asked.

“Yes, let’s get this off,” I said uncomfortably.

“Thanks,” Chris said appreciatively.

We then walked around the various stores killing time. We entered a comic book store and had a lively discussion about characters and movies. We didn’t say anything remotely romantic or sexual but my body was responding positively to him. I started to feel anxious and excited around him. Was I losing myself?

***

It didn’t seem to matter what masculine activity I did, the feeling continued to come up. We would go to the gym and compete with each other on who was the fastest runner. We also played racquetball and again, he was better. I didn’t know if we were truly close or whether he was trying to be nice. Later, I realized he was indeed lowering his abilities. As he saw me more-and-more as a male roommate, he started to kick my ass.

At the house, we played video games and engaged in drinking contests when watching movies. I would get drunk a lot easier than him due to the weight and size difference. It was during these drunk sessions that I almost did something stupid. Jill reminded me at the last moment not to kiss him. We also went to the movies and watched gory horror movies. I half-expected Chris to put his arm around my shoulder, but he didn’t.

On the other hand, he was very loving to Jill as if he were overcompensating. Did I feel jealous? I wasn’t sure. I felt conflicted and in limbo.

One night, I went to a bar with him. It was couples’ trivia night. I decided to go for the chance of showing my mental power. As we were given the questions, Jill and I worked together to put down the best answers. Chris noted that I was using both my right and left hand at the same time on the note cards. Just because I had two minds didn’t mean I would know every answer. Chris helped as well and occasionally we did get an answer wrong. We ended up winning on the last question, and I pretended to be excited. I gave Chris a hug and kiss on the lips. We got some lame gift certificate and exited the bar.

“You’re still Jack, right?” he asked once we got to the car.

“Yeah,” I said.

“What was that?” Chris asked amused referring to the kiss.

“Just what would have expected of us,” I downplayed.

“Right?” he smirked.

“You’re drunk,” I said and then drove us back home.

***

At work, things got better as well for us. I came into my boss’ office for a performance review. It was all positive. My productivity had increased quite a bit since I showed up. At the end, I decided to shake it up a bit. “I want a raise,” I said boldly.

“What?” my boss asked confused.

“Yeah, I’m going to get married soon, and I’m thinking about getting myself pregnant,” I bluffed.
“That’s wonderful,” my boss said.

“Yeah, so, either I get a raise or I walk,” I said.

My boss smiled uncomfortably at me. “I think there’s room for negotiation,” he relented.

I exited my boss’ office victorious. “How did you do that? That was so cool!” Jill said.

“It helps when you don’t give a shit,” I told her.

“Wait, you could have gotten me fired,” Jill accused.

I shrugged and went over to my computer. Was I more confident than Jill when it came to the boss? Perhaps, but it had more to do with the fact that Jill allowed herself to become friends with her boss. I didn’t care for him and that was the difference. I also had no problem ratting out all of my lazy co-workers that all had given congratulations for her engagement. I was a cold-hearted bastard with no friends or significant others. I was alone.

***

The wedding was tricky business. The ceremony and reception itself would last all day and then the “wedding night” would presumably be all night. “How are we going to time this correctly?” I asked Jill.
“We could have you do the ceremony and reception and then I have Chris at night,” she smirked.
“Fuck that. You have to be at the wedding. It’s your special day,” I corrected.

“So, you end up with Chris at night?” Jill wondered and then grinned at the prospect.

“You do the vows, I do the reception, and then you have Chris at night,” I suggested.

“Can we manage it?” Jill asked uncertainly.

“I guess we will see,” I said.

Jill then smirked. “You’re going to enjoy the bachelorette party.”

“No way,” I refused.

***

That night, Jill made sure I was perfect in a black dress. I put on black high-heels and immediately found myself uncomfortable. Jill then helped me make sure my hair was right. I was wearing earrings and my engagement ring.

“That was fast,” Chris smirked as I finished. He was dressed in a suit with his other male friends.
“Women take so long just to make men intentionally wait for them,” I told him.

“How could you expose our secrets,” Jill said appalled.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” Chris smiled at me.

“There will be more girls at my party than yours,” I shot back.

“That’s the spirit,” Chris said amused. “By the way, you look good.”

“I appreciate your opinion,” I said sarcastically.

I then went outside and entered my car. “You’re not concerned about what he will do, tonight?” I asked Jill.

“It won’t be as nearly as bad as what we’ve done,” she pointed out.

I nodded and then drove to the nightclub. Over the last five years, Jill had acquired a number of girlfriends. Some were from work and others were from the university. Chris’ sister was also present, so I had to be on my best behavior.

“Let’s get this over with,” I said.

“Hey, bride-to-be, you’re supposed to wear white,” Chris’ sister said playfully.

“Not tonight. I’m being bad,” I said obnoxiously.

“You better prove it,” she said amused.

I went inside and realized early on that it was lady’s night. There were some male professional dancers that didn’t appeal to me. What interested me were the several dozen women in the club; so many to choose from. I was a Lesbian in a nightclub filled with straight women. It was the epitome of sexual frustration. I needed a drink.

After a few drinks, I felt comfortable enough to be chatty with the girls. I couldn’t see Jill in the crowded nightclub, but I did hear her voice in my head. I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol, but Jill became less-and-less a presence in my head. That’s when a stripper approached me.
“May I have this dance,” he smiled at me.

I complied but my mind was in turmoil. The stripper’s face and voice were the same as mine from five years ago. I tried to get confirmation from Jill that this was a real person and not a hallucination. No such luck; she was gone. I decided to go with it and danced with the stripper that had my male face. The stripper then departed from me after the dance, and I saw his normal-looking face. I then saw myself in a suit walking around behind the laughing women. He smirked at me in amusement.

At the end of the night, I took a cab back to my house. “Here we are,” the cab driver said.
I gave him some cash from my purse and stumbled my way out of the car. As I looked back, I saw my face on the cab driver’s face.

I made my way into the house and found it empty. Chris hadn’t come back yet. “Jill?” I asked.

“Jill isn’t here,” my male self said on the couch.

I stared at him. “You’re not real.”

“That’s rich coming from you. What’s real about you?” he said walking over to me. “Is this face real? Are these breasts real?” he asked rhetorically.

“There’s only room for two personalities in this head, asshole,” I said to him.

“You’re right about that. Jill is perfectly feminine, and I am her counterpart. There’s no room for you, Jacky,” he said.

“What did you call me?” I demanded of him.

“I am Jack and you’re Jacky. This is the consequence of trying to fit in. Did you think two female personalities could fit inside a male’s mind?” he asked.

“I am male,” I clarified.

“No, you’re not. You dress like a woman, kiss and dance with men, and soon you will consciously decide to marry a man. The real Jack would never allow this,” Jack said.

“I am doing this marriage as appreciation for Jill these last five years,” I said.

“Or perhaps you lack the courage to do what is necessary,” Jack said.

“Look, we lost, alright. Jill went through with the sex change and no amount of surgery is going to get our cock and balls back,” I argued.

“You haven’t tried,” he accused.

“I don’t have to listen to you. There’s only two allowed in my head. You weren’t invited,” I said ignoring him.

I then went to sleep exhausted in both mind and body.

***

I woke up and put on a black t-shirt as part of my routine. Jill was nowhere to be found. Instead, Jack in my male body gave me a sneer. “Where is Jill?” I demanded of him.

“She’s gone. It’s now us, buddy,” he said to me. “You went too far deep. You’re now my feminine personality, and I have replaced you as the masculine.”

“That can’t be true,” I doubted.

“It can’t? You were gone for five years. Maybe, Jill will be gone for five,” he suggested.

I walked up to him. “You can go fuck yourself.”

“Oh, I wish I could,” he smiled.

I ignored him and did my morning routine. “With Jill gone, you don’t have to go through with the wedding. That’s the reason you’re going to do it, right?” he asked.

He had a point. “What do you suggest we do instead?” I humored him.

“We break up with Chris, and we find ourselves a Lesbian girlfriend,” he suggested.

“To what end?” I asked.

“What do you mean? You act as if getting married and having kids is the only pathway,” he said. “Jill stored your sperm. We can still get some girl knocked up and have your heir. Don’t you want a kid of your own with a woman by your side?” he asked.

I put down my toothbrush. “When you’re right, you’re right,” I had to admit. “How shall we break it to Chris?”

“Break it off at the altar. Make him cry like a bitch,” Jack suggested.

I smirked. “Alright.”

***

I went out to meet Chris for breakfast. “How was last night?” he asked.

“A lot of good-looking women,” I smiled.

“I bet. Is Jill ready?” he asked.

“Yeah, we got it all figured out,” I lied.

“Good, I’ll see you there,” he smiled and then shook my hand as if we were best bros. I almost felt sorry for the poor guy.

What followed was a scheduled routine where I would get my hair and make-up done and then I would get into my wedding dress. Jack was by my side making joking comments every so often. It really helped ease the awkwardness. I then met my parents who told me how proud they were of me and what not.

My mother wasn’t aware that I had returned but my father did see the black ring on my right hand. “Knock-em dead, son,” he said softly and shook my hand.

“I will,” I promised.

“Is Jill going to show up?” my father asked.

“Soon, it’s all going according to plan.”

***

Now, at this point, you’re probably thinking Jack and I are assholes for ruining this moment. You have to understand that it was Jill that decided to get me a sex change and marry this guy without my consent. Sure, she was alone for five years but marriage was supposed to last a lifetime. If I divorced him a few years later, Jill would contradict me, and we would fight over it continually in the courts. Then, I really would end up in the asylum. It was also premature at this point, but Jill might never return. That would defeat the whole purpose of marrying Chris in the first place.

Jack was dressed in a tuxedo and gave me an approving look as my dress was finished. As part of the plan, I took off the black ring indicating to Chris, Jill had returned. “Nice,” Jack approved.

I then ventured out with my bride’s maids and went to the grass field. Rows of chairs were set up for family and friends. My father was present in the back to give me away. He noted the lack of the black ring. “Your mother and I love you, Jill,” he said to me.

“Thank you for being there for me. I haven’t been easy to deal with,” I said sincerely.

“It’s been interesting,” my father smiled.

The music played and my father took me down the aisle towards Chris and the minister. My father let me go, and I walked by myself those profound steps. Jack walked beside me. This would be our greatest performance, yet. Chris smiled at me and then we both faced the minister.

He said a number of platitudes making me impatient for him to get to the end. “Do you, Chris ___, take this woman as your wife?” the minister asked finally.

“I do,” he said.

“And do you Jill___, take this man as your husband?” the minister turned to me.

Time seemed to stop still as he asked the fateful question. I could see Chris’ loving eyes. I could see Jack’s smug expression. I could see my parent’s proud eyes. I could even see Maria’s smile somehow.

“For Jill,” I thought to myself.

“I do,” I answered.

The crowd immediately applauded. “You may kiss the bride,” the minister smiled.

Chris kissed me on the lips and this time I kissed him back with loving sincerity. Jack gave me a furious expression of raw hate but became lost in the sea of people wanting to congratulate us and take pictures of us. I could still hear his screams of outrage and anguish in my head. It didn’t matter. Nothing would stop me from enjoying this day.

***

At the reception, I tried to stay awake but fatigue was overtaking me. I just felt so overwhelmed by everything that had happened. I went to the bathroom and found myself alone. I looked at my tired face knowing it would be too risky to doze off. Evil Jack would then take over and fuck it all up. Why did I have to be such an ass? I then saw her in the mirror.

“Jill?” I asked.

“Of course it is,” she said obviously. She was also wearing a wedding dress.

“I thought you were gone,” I said becoming emotional.

“Don’t cry. It’ll mess up the make-up,” she told me.

“I nearly fucked it up,” I admitted.

“But you didn’t, Jack,” she said happily. “I don’t know what happened, but I was out for a long time.

Sorry about that,” she said.

“Don’t call me Jack, alright. Call me Jacky,” I said.

“Okay, Jacky,” she smiled at me. “Have I gained a sister, now?” she asked.

“We both have,” I replied.

***

I woke up and found myself in a hotel room. I was sitting on a chair still in my wedding dress. I must have dozed off. “Really, Jill,” I wondered.

I then noticed the black ring was on my finger. Jill had been pretending to be me at the reception to give Chris the impression he had married Jill instead of me. I suddenly felt terrified. Why did Jill have to do this to me? Chris exited the bathroom. He had his suit jacket off and had taken off his bow tie. This was not going according to plan!

“You took on that reception like a champ. No one realized you weren’t Jill,” Chris complimented.
I walked up to Chris and slowly took the black ring off. “Tell me all about it,” I asked.

Chris simply stared at me. “It’s not really important,” he said and then kissed me passionately. He gently held the back of my head as he placed his tongue inside my mouth. I felt sparks of pleasure on my lips. I didn’t want it to end.

“Let’s get you out of this dress,” he said.

“I’ll need your help,” I said softly.

He went behind me and worked on the zipper. I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride where I knew the end result would be excitement or terror. I was working my way to the top of the hill anticipating the plunge. The wedding dress came down around my ankles. I carefully stepped out of it and placed it on the couch.

“Take his tux off. He likes it when I undress him,” Jill said to me.

I tried to ignore her and reached for Chris’ shirt. I carefully unbuttoned the shirt and saw his bare chest. Somehow, it appeared differently to me this time than when we were in the shower those weeks ago. He took off the shirt and let it fall to the floor. I then reached for his belt and took it off. I was inevitably proceeding towards an unknown destination.

“Don’t be such a coward. Get those pants down, already,” Jill teased.

I was no coward. I took hold of Chris’ pants and brought the zipper down. I took his pants and brought them down over his hips so that they fell to the floor. I could see his erection through his underwear. I was going to be fucked, tonight. I was going to be fucked by a man.

Chris reached behind me and expertly unclasped my bra. “Get on the bed,” Jill instructed me.

I did as she said getting on the bed. Chris took off his underwear freeing his cock. I had never been penetrated before. All my Lesbian lovers had only rubbed or licked me. I wasn’t prepared for something this long and hard to enter me.

Chris went to his hygiene bag and placed a liberal amount of jelly lubricant on his cock. “Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad,” I thought to myself.

I took off my underwear and waited for him to get on top of me. He got on the bed and oriented his cock to my vaginal opening. I couldn’t tell him this was my first time or to be gentle. I was impersonating Jill and the two of them seemed to have sex every other night. Chris placed the head of his cock at my entrance and then slowly pressed forward. With the lubricant, he slid in fairly easily. I felt an odd sense of pressure as he entered me. It was surreal realizing that something that large could fit inside my body.

Once nestled inside, he kissed me lovingly. He seemed to notice my nervous expression. “You act like this is your first time,” he smiled.

“First time as your wife,” I replied with a smile.

He found that amusing and went to work kissing my nipples and holding my breasts. It all felt pleasant but nothing I would call astounding. I just hoped he would start fucking me and cum within five minutes. That’s what I was expecting. Chris took his time while remaining hard as a rock inside me. Every so often, he would move his cock a little to keep himself hard. After a while, I realized I needed to participate to.

I kissed him back and caressed his muscular arms. I pushed my breasts up against his muscular chest and held his back. I moved my hips every so often. He used a hand to rub my clit. He placed his thumb on my clit and gently circled around it. It felt vaguely similar to rubbing the head of my cock when I had one. Although all of this was pleasant, I was beginning to feel impatient.

“Chris,” I whispered in his ear.

“Yes, dear?”

“Enough foreplay. I want you to fuck me,” I said to him.

Jill was naked on the couch watching everything that was going on. She put her hands to her mouth as if she couldn’t believe what I had just said. If Chris found out we traded places, that was his problem. He knew what he was getting into.

“Alright, Jill,” Chris allowed and then shifted his weight as he repositioned.

I nervously waited as he positioned himself between my legs. Just five minutes of getting fucked and it would be all over. He kissed me passionately as he was about to begin, and I obliged him in romantic French kissing. He increased his pace, and I immediately felt it. He was rubbing my clit with each thrust and going deep inside me. As he picked up speed, I felt the pleasure mounting. It felt faster than I had ever been able to jack off before. My penis, which was now inverted, was being rubbed continuously. Despite this assault on my senses, I wanted more. I moved my hips with him. I wasn’t just going to lay there and do nothing.

“Put your legs around his hips. It increases the friction,” Jill said to me.

“Okay,” I said to myself.

I put my feminine legs around his waist and held him tightly. The bed shook as he continued to pound into me. Chris was far more forceful than I ever was. “Be a little more vocal,” Jill advised.

“Thanks, coach,” I said in my head.

I never moaned when fucking a girl as a man. If anything, it would be an occasional grunt as I was about to cum. If I moaned, would Chris find it sincere? I couldn’t be silent either. I decided to kiss Chris to make sure he knew I was feeling it. Then, it was like one cerebral hemisphere connected to the other. I didn’t even notice I was doing it at first, but I started to moan and cry out as he fucked me.
Just as I thought he was about to finish, he placed me on my side. I went with the movement as soon as I realized what he wanted to do. He was still on top of me as he penetrated me while I was on my side. I was now feeling areas that hadn’t been stimulated yet and it felt really good. He reached down and started rubbing my clit as he continued thrusting.

My heart rate increased as I panted erotically. He was only supposed to last a few minutes. How long could he last? I looked at Jill for an answer, but she simply shrugged. Was I going to be fucked all night? I had nothing to hold onto while on my side, so I clenched the sheets. He then stopped and rubbed my nipples on my breasts.

“How you doing?” he asked.

“Great,” I said breathlessly.

“Alright, let’s switch it up,” he smiled.

“Switch it up?” I wondered.

“Just lay there. I got this,” he said and withdrew from me. I felt a weird sensation as I felt empty without his cock inside me. My body desperately wanted it back in.

He walked around the bed and then gently put me in position. “You’re going to like this,” Jill assured me.
Chris placed me at the end of the bed and put my legs on his shoulder. I would never have been able to do this as a man but over five years Jill had made us quite flexible. “All that yoga paid off,” Jill grinned.
While standing, he placed his cock at my entrance and pushed inside all the way to the hilt.

“You ready?” he asked with a smile.

I simply nodded. He moved slowly at first and then picked up speed. All the while, he rubbed my clit. In this position, he was in control. The only part of his body that was touching me was his cock. He placed my feet on his shoulders and went full speed.

“Play with your breasts,” Jill advised.

I did as she said rubbing my nipples and caressing my own breasts. Then, it started to build up. My heart rate went up, and I felt something building up in my pelvic area. I knew what it was but couldn’t believe it was happening to me. I was reaching towards a female orgasm of my own. I tried to rationalize it in my mind. It was just my inverted penis giving me a dry orgasm. That was all. Reality was telling me a different story. I was being fucked...fucked by a man with his penis deep inside me. I felt it building in my breasts and through my whole body. I was so close! My goal to just have Chris cum in a few minutes and have it over with had disappeared. This was something I wanted and needed.

“I’m so close, honey,” I said gasping as I said it.

“Don’t worry, I got this,” Chris said to me.

He rubbed my clit with greater intensity and then I felt the inevitable surge. It was going to happen, now. I closed my eyes and cried out as my vagina contracted on him. Chris seemed to notice what was happening to me and increased his pace. I couldn’t speak. I grabbed the sheets and squeezed as tight as I could. I expected it to last a few seconds but it kept going. Finally, I felt my orgasm begin to subside and felt a little fatigued. In appreciation, I kissed Chris passionately forgetting who I had been.
I was no longer Jack who pretended to be a male Lesbian. I had just been fucked by a wonderful man on our wedding night. It was I who had said, “I do.” I was no longer a man in any shape or form. I was a bisexual married woman named Jacky. I knew who I was now.

“Chris, you’ve been great. Mind if I choose some of the positions?” I asked.

“By all means, love,” he replied.

That night we tried many different positions. I was on top for a while getting used to the mechanics of setting my own pace. We made love both kneeling on the bed and facing each other. We kissed and he touched my breasts as we gently fucked. Finally, I knew I was being selfish with him.
“Cum inside me,” I said to him and got on all fours.

“You want it rough like usual?” he asked.

I had no idea what he was talking about. Jill simply smirked at me. “Yes, Chris, rough as you can,” I told him.

He grabbed my hips and penetrated me deeply. What followed was my most energetic sexual experience I had ever had. He was quick but also forceful nearly knocking me off balance. He rubbed my clit with one hand while steadying me with the other. As I understood his rhythm, I pushed back against him. He was not holding back working to cum as quickly as possible. It didn’t take long for him to finally release inside me. I felt a man cum inside me for the first time. It was a fast sudden sensation as he filled me up. My knees collapsed from emotional and physical exhaustion.

He stayed inside me resting on my back. “I’m still a little hard,” he said to me.

While I was on my stomach, he continued to pump. I turned my neck to look behind me and kissed him as his cock slowly softened. He had done a great job. Better than anything I could have done. Was it just this wedding night that he had these magical powers or was it every night? For the first time, I felt regret that this would be the last time I would have him. From this night forward, Jill would be the one to make love to Chris. Unless...we decided to switch for a night.

Chris softened completely, but he wasn’t done with me. He caressed my breasts and kissed me. We continued to cuddle until we both fell asleep.

***

My name is Jill and Chris is cuddled around my naked body. As much as I enjoyed being in his arms, I had to set things right for us. I took a shower and put on some dark clothes. I placed the black ring on my finger and then dissolved a sleeping pill in a glass of water.

“Oh, Jack?” Chris said groggily.

“You want a glass of water?” I asked.

“Yeah, thank you,” he said. He took my glass of water while I pretended to be disinterested in his naked body.

He drank the whole glass quickly. Marathon sex will do that to a guy. “You were great at the reception especially the dancing part,” he complimented.

I knew what he was talking about, because it was I that was doing the dancing. “Yeah, well, Jill was a good teacher,” I said elevating myself.

“What’s your plan for the day?” Chris asked.

“I’m going to the gym,” I said.

“Sounds great. I’ll join you,” Chris offered.

“Why don’t you get some rest, so you can be fully awake for Jill later,” I suggested.

He shrugged and dozed off back to sleep. A few hours later, I switched with Jacky.

***

My name is Jacky, and I am going on a long walk. Naturally, Jill was walking beside me. “The whole wedding schedule was fucked up,” I told her.

“I know,” she agreed.

“How did it happen that way. You were supposed to say the vows, I was supposed to be at the reception, and then you were supposed to be with Chris at night,” I said annoyed.

“I don’t know,” she said.

“There was another personality. I think I’ve been adapting to this situation too fast,” I said.

“What personality?” Jill questioned.

“It was Jack,” I replied.

“But you are Jack,” Jill refuted.

“No, I’m not Jack anymore. I can’t be. He was there, and you weren’t. I thought I had lost you,” I said.

“Have you encountered a personality that looked like me and was an asshole?” I asked.

“Not since you woke up,” Jill said playfully.

“Very funny,” I muttered.

“If evil Jack shows up again, we’ll gang up on him,” Jill smirked.

I paused our conversation as a woman with her dog passed us by. I gave the woman a quick glance. “It’s not going to go away,” Jill told me.

“It’s inconvenient, now,” I said.

“So...how was Chris?” Jill asked curiously.

“He’s good....you never said he was this good,” I said embarrassed.

“You never asked,” she pointed out.

“Well, it will be the last time,” I said resolved.

“I don’t mind sharing him,” Jill said truthfully.

“He loves you. Not me,” I said.

“Maybe, we can work on that,” Jill said helpfully.

We went back to the hotel and switched in the hotel lobby.

***

After a blissful honeymoon in Hawaii where I put on a bikini at the beach for the first time, I stopped thinking of myself as a man. I would never be as feminine as Jill but not all women had to be. I was that aggressive tomboy that enjoyed hiking around the Hawaiian volcanoes. We also went scuba diving off the coasts. Still, whenever it came to romantic outings it was always with Jill. She enjoyed the romantic dinners and nightly love-making.

After the honeymoon, I stayed true to the rule generally dressing in darker clothes and wearing a black ring. “Hey, Jacky. Mind if we talk?” Chris asked me one breakfast.

“What’s up?” I asked friendly.

“Jill and I had a chat. She says it’s okay if we date. What do you think?” Chris asked.

“It’s not really cheating as long as it’s the same body,” I allowed.

“Our situation is a little bit more complicated wouldn’t you say? I just don’t want you to feel like you’re missing out,” Chris said.

“What if we break up?” I smirked.

“We shake hands,” Chris said simply.

“Shake hands?” I asked incredulously.

“I think we can be responsible adults about this,” Chris said reasonably.

“Let’s see what happens,” I agreed.

So, we dated like a normal couple even though he was already married to my other personality. In all reality, dating wasn’t even necessary. I was already in love with him. Finally, I made love to Chris as Jacky for the first time. My desires for hot-looking women would never go away. I knew this but mature adults can remain faithful and not act on their instinctive urges. It didn’t take long for me to put Jill’s wedding ring next to my black ring. As far as Jill and I were concerned, Chris was married to both of us.

***

My name is Jill. One day, Chris and I went to a coffee shop. “Let me get you something. You stay here,” Chris offered and got in line.

I smiled at my husband’s generosity and then I saw a young man take a seat across from me. He was wearing a leather jacket and jeans. Jack’s smirking face looked back at me. “Welcome back,” I said to my nemesis.

“We did well, didn’t we?” he asked.

“You got the job done,” I allowed.

“I still can’t believe you were able to keep Jacky from knowing about me all these years,” Jack said amused.

“How did you know it would work,” I asked him.

“Just a hunch. As long as you were around, he couldn’t truly embrace his feminine side. He needed someone like me to provide the contrast. I reminded him of the negative side of himself. His love for you pushed him over the edge,” Jack said.

“Now that we are now two women and one man in a woman’s body, what will do with yourself now?” I asked.

“Fadeaway,” Jack suggested.

“No, you can’t do that,” I insisted.

“Adopt a son,” Jack said seriously.

“Deal,” I smiled.

Chris came back with two coffees. Jack smirked at Chris and then turned to me. “If you don’t mind, I have a date,” Jack said slyly. Jack walked off as Chris sat down.

“Thank you,” I said as I drank a sip of my coffee. In the coffee shop, I could see several versions of Jack sitting next to individual single women.

“Chris, there’s something on my mind I want to talk to you about,” I began. “It’s about the adoption.”

The Black Ring II
Black Ring I

(Disclaimer: Disociative Disorder, Schizophrenia, and vivid Suicidal thoughts are featured)

It all began with a funeral. I was dressed in an uncomfortable cheap suit standing with my fellow classmates mourning the death of Maria. She had died in a horrible car accident a few days prior. The wound on my forehead had not yet healed completely. No one present knew I was the other occupant in the car. If I was an ordinary person, I might have blamed myself or felt survivor’s guilt. I felt none of these things. I wasn’t in control that night.

As the casket was lowered into the Earth, fear swept through my mind. Would Jack ever return? Was he as dead as Maria? By attending the funeral, I half-expected Jack to reappear in my mind. Now, I was alone.

Well, not precisely true. I always had Jake. He was waiting by my rental car. The car accident had destroyed the car. The insurance company gave me this rental car until I could get a replacement.

“How are you?” Jake asked concerned.

“I thought this would force Jack to return,” I said shaking my head.

“With us, it’s never simple,” he reminded me.

“Right,” I agreed and drove back to the apartment.

***

Upon arriving at the apartment, I encountered Nick in the living room. I headed upstairs avoiding him entirely but then felt better of it. “Hey, Nick, I’m sorry about how I have been acting recently. I’m not moving out after all,” I told him.

“You were in the crash, weren’t you?” he asked concerned.

“Yeah,” I nodded.

He gave me a sympathetic look. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, I’m good,” I said honestly. If I needed to talk to anyone, I could always talk to Jake.

I then went upstairs and surveyed the room. I checked underneath the bed and brought out boxes filled with female clothing. Jack had assumed I had thrown it out as he had asked me to. I also found my stash of make-up and set it up as it was before. Within a few moments, I had the whole room the way it was before.

“What if he comes back? He won’t be happy about this deception,” Jake warned.

“We can discuss it when it happens,” I replied.

“When and if?” Jake questioned.

“Don’t talk like that. He will come back,” I said confidently.

I then got on the computer and found my secret files of all of my girly photographs I was supposed to have deleted. On Facebook, Maria’s death was all over my news-feed. While pretending to be Jack, I had sex with her. I merely did it to cover for Jack. The situation was now more than awkward. I felt angry at Jack for putting me in that situation. He promised something like that would never happen. Perhaps I was just naive.

***

For Christmas break, I went back to my parent’s house. They were aware of my condition and did everything they could to get rid of me. They just wanted their son Jack and that was it. They never treated me as their daughter, just an alien parasite to be destroyed. Still, the parents couldn’t tell us apart and often assumed me for Jack. As I drove back home, Jake was in the passenger seat.

“Why are you going?” he asked me.

“For appearance sake. It would be expected,” I said.

“You could always use the accident as an excuse,” he advised.

“That would just make them worry more,” I said.

Upon arriving, my parents embraced me assuming I was Jack. My mother looked at my head wound with concern. “Are you sure you don’t need a doctor’s appointment. It could be more serious than you realize,” my mother said.

“I’m fine, really,” I said.

“Glad to see you back home, son. Wish the circumstances could be better for you,” my father said sympathetically.

“I’ll get through this,” I said.

I went inside and was immediately greeted by the obnoxious dachshund. The dog started barking at me as if it knew the truth. Jack loved the dog, but I didn’t care for it. The parents loved the dog more than me.

“What can I get for you?” my father asked from the kitchen.

“How about a beer?” I asked. It would be the kind of thing Jack would ask. I hated the taste of it.

My father handed me an ice-cold beer and turned to the TV. I took a seat as my father channel surfed. “How about the Patriot’s game?” he asked.

My father was testing me. Jack hated the Patriots. “I would rather see another game,” I said politely.

My father shrugged and continue to channel surf. “How was the drive?” my mother asked.

“Uneventful,” I said. I couldn’t really tell her that I had talked with my alter-ego the entire way.

“How’s your roommate?” my father asked.

“Well, dad, I sucked his cock but otherwise he seems like a normal guy,” I felt like saying. “He’s fine,” I ended up saying.

“You’re grades are excellent. We’re so proud of you,” my mother gushed.

“Thanks,” I said awkwardly. It was hard to fail when having two minds.

At dinner, my father discussed wanting to go golfing with me someday. I hated golf, but I pretended to be interested. “Want a glass of wine?” my mother offered me.

I loved wine, but Jack thought it was gay. “No thanks,” I said.

My parents quizzed me some more during dinner to try to get a reaction out of me. I didn’t fall for any of them. The only reason I came to visit these assholes was to see if it would trigger Jack to come back. After dinner, I went to my old room and looked through my stuff, anything that could potentially trigger him to return. As the night progressed, I was going to run into a problem. With Jack gone, I needed to sleep. My parents would know something was wrong if I ever did sleep.

Late at night, I sneaked out of the house to go to my car. “Is that you, Jill?” my mother asked curiously from the couch.

“Yeah,” I said hoping for some acknowledgment that I also was their kid.

My mother simply nodded and then I walked out of the house. I went to my car and drove off a distance away, parked my car on the side of the road, and went to sleep. Early the next morning, I came back to the house. I made some small talk with my parents and then embraced them like a good son. After giving them fake goodbyes, I went back to my apartment.

***

Once I got back to my apartment, Nick was no where in sight. So much the better. I contemplated his room and curiosity got the better of me. I used a screw driver and took off the door knob. I then entered the room and looked around. It was a little messy but that was to be expected. A few of his clothes caught my eye.

“No way,” I said amused. There was a bra and panties on the floor. I didn’t think Nick would be the type to have a girlfriend. He never had a girl come to the apartment.

I continued to look around and found pill bottles and needles in the drawer. “Heroin?” Jake wondered.

I looked at the pill bottles and read the labels. “No, something weirder,” I muttered. Everything was starting to make sense now, but I didn’t want to believe it. The odds were just too great. How could there be two of us under the same roof? I backed out of the room careful not to disturb anything and then fixed the doorknob. When Nick finally did come home, he didn’t suspect anything.

I sat on my bed Indian style and contemplated what I had discovered. “He’s self-medicating on female hormones,” I said to Jake.

“But why?” Jake wondered.

“Duh, he wants to be a girl,” I said as if it were obvious.

“Maybe there is another reason,” Jake doubted.

“Like what?” I asked.

Jake seemed stumped. “What do we do now?”

“We don’t do anything,” I said.

“If he poisons himself, the police will ask us questions,” Jake pointed out.

“So what? We wouldn’t have known what he was up to without breaking into his room,” I said.

“If he poisons himself, it will be another death connected to you. That looks too coincidental,” Jake warned.

Jake was right, but it was also risky to get involved. “What is the upside?” I asked him.

“He’s a fellow cross-dresser. The three of us could learn from each other,” Jake suggested.

“As far as I know he simply masturbates in women’s underwear,” I said.

“Then teach him how to cross-dress properly,” Jake advised.

“And how do you propose we bring it up?” I asked. It was not something one typically brought up in conversation.

“We confront him directly,” Jake advised.

“Thanks, genius,” I said skeptically. “For the time being, we monitor him.”

***

The spring semester began in late January. This time, it would be Jake and I doing the classes. Classes would be slightly more challenging since I would have to lose eight hours to sleep. For the first few weeks, I showed up in male dress. At the university, I took classes Jack had already scheduled. At this point, I was just fulfilling his intentions. Once I got back to the apartment, I dressed in female clothing and did my hair the way I liked it. I had decided to grow it out. If Jack ever returned, he could simply cut it back to the way before. I always kept my door locked to ensure that Nick didn’t barge in. I never caught him doing anything feminine, but I did notice a few changes. He was also growing out his hair, and his face looked more feminine.

“If we ask him about it, he will simply deny it. He’s deep in the closet,” I said to Jake.

“You sucked his cock. I think you have the credibility to bring it up,” Jake reminded me.

I decided to drop the issue. “I’m thinking of cross-dressing to class. The professor wouldn’t notice a new student,” I said.

“Go for it,” Jake agreed.

I decided to put my plan into action the next day. I wore women’s jeans and a sweater. My sweater budged outward with the use of my fake breasts. I then worked on my make-up to give me a feminine appearance and then I did my hair. Jake supervised as I worked making sure I didn’t miss anything. My next task was to get out of the apartment without being spotted by Nick.

I cautiously exited my room, looked down the stairs, and then slowly moved into view of the living room. Seeing no one, I quickly exited the apartment and came to my car.

“That was exhilarating,” I said as I entered the car.

“Nice job, but your driver’s licenses still has Jack’s face on it,” Jake reminded me.

“Can’t be helped,” I said and then drove off.

I attended classes as a woman for the first time. No one noticed me, no one cared. It was completely uneventful. It went so well that I decided to make it a more common occurrence. The only time I dressed as a male was when I had to take exams. It would look suspicious if a woman turned in an exam or paper with the name “Jack” on it.

***

Finally, in late February, I got caught. I was careless or perhaps Nick was a little too observant. He stopped me as I came to my car. “Who are you?” he demanded.

“Why should I tell you?” I asked in my feminine voice.

“You just exited from my apartment,” he pointed out.

“I’m Jack’s sister. Now, bug off,” I said as I scrambled for my keys.

“This is Jack’s car,” he continued.

“We share it,” I replied.

As I looked for my keys in my purse, he held my right hand. “That scar…its the same as Jack’s,” he said. He then eyed me carefully as if scanning through the make-up. “It is you,” he accused.

“Fuck yourself,” I replied angrily.

He gave me an amused expression. “You seem very confused with yourself. You act indifferent to me, then you suck my cock, then you disrespect me, and now you’re back to being indifferent. What are you?” he questioned.

“You think you’re so different,” I spat. “You’ve been taking hormones, and you have women’s underwear in your room,” I revealed.

“Careful,” Jake warned me.

“Shut up,” I said to him.

Nick simply stared at my outburst. “How did you know?” he asked flustered.

“I broke into your room,” I admitted.

He gave me a fearful look. “You can’t tell anyone. If my parents find out,” he stammered.

“As it so happened, I have their number too. So, don’t fuck with me,” I said to him.

He slowly backed away, and I entered my car. I locked the doors to make me feel more secure. “That could have gone better,” Jake said dryly.

“Whatever. I got him by the balls,” I said.

“People become reckless when they’re afraid. You should patch things over,” Jake suggested.

He was right, but I hated confrontations. I went back inside the apartment and found a surprised Nick in the living room. “I’m mentally ill,” I began. “I have multi-personality disorder. That is why I have been inconsistent with you. I have a male personality and a female personality. Do you understand?” I asked him.

He simply nodded. “Right now, my female personality has taken over…ever since the car accident. There is no Jack. There is only Jill,” I said.

“Are you Jill all the time now?” he asked.

“For the time being until Jack returns,” I replied.

“I have seen you talk to yourself. There is another personality isn’t there?” he asked.

“Yes, but he’s not in control,” I clarified.

He stared at me wondering whether to believe me. “If you have multiple personalities, how can I trust you? One personality could say one thing and the other could do another,” he said.

“For the moment, there is only one personality in control. I haven’t done anything against you,” I said.

“Other than breaking into my room,” he said annoyed.

“You are self-medicating. What do you think would happen to me if you overdosed?” I asked.

He hesitated as if thinking about something profound. “I think we can help each other,” he said finally.

“How’s that?” I said.

“You haven’t taken any hormones or had any surgeries, correct?” he asked.

“Right,” I agreed.

“And yet, your voice and appearance is perfect,” he said admiringly.

“I have years of practice,” I said.

“You could teach me how to pass,” he said.

“Whoa, I can’t promise that,” I protested.

“If it were possible, if it could be done, you could help me do it,” he said hopefully.

“Possible,” I allowed. “What’s in it for me?” I asked.

“I can get you the drugs you need for your own transition,” he offered.

“I don’t self-medicate. That’s a bad idea,” I rejected.

“If what you say is true, you will never be approved by the psychiatrists. You will never be able to transition through the normal way. As the years go by, it will be more difficult to transition,” he pointed out.

“I have no intention of transitioning. Jack will return,” I told him.

“What if he doesn’t return?” he asked.

“He will,” I said stubbornly.

He simply shrugged. “Very well,” he said.

I turned to Jake. “He could be useful in the future if Jack doesn’t return,” he told me.

If Jack didn’t return, I could fulfill my wish to become completely female. It would take time, pain, and money but it could be done. However, that would mean Jack never returning. He was like my brother, more than that.

“I’m not taking any of your pills, but I’m curious what I can do for you,” I offered.

Nick brightened up. “When do we start?”

“Now,” I answered.

***

I put him in a chair and started working on his hair. Once I was finished, I worked on his face. It actually took less effort than when I did it for myself. I then placed fake breasts on his chest and sealed them with an adhesive. Afterwards, I gave him a number of female clothes to try on. He tried the dresses, skirts, and pants. Each time, he looked at himself in the mirror.

“Wow, I had no idea,” he said enjoying his appearance.

“Now, we have to work on your voice,” I said.

Nick was an eager student but it took time to develop his own voice. That was something hormones couldn’t do for him. “Thank you for helping me,” he said in a semi-female voice.

“Sure, no prob,” I replied.

He gave me an embarrassed look. “We could be more than just roommates,” he suggested.

“What do you mean?” I asked knowing the answer.

“We’re both attracted to men, right?” he began.

“Right,” I allowed.

“We can dress as women most of the time except for special occasions,” he said.

“Alright, let’s make now a special occasion,” I agreed.

He gave me a nervous look. “Okay,” he said and then went to wash his face. I did the same in my own bathroom.

“You sure this is a good idea?” Jake questioned.

“I have never been able to have sex with a man, not once,” I said frustrated.

“He’s not really a man, though,” Jake pointed out.

“Baby steps,” I said dismissively.

I exited my bathroom and went into his room. I started taking off my female clothes and then removed the fake breasts from my chest. Nick was a little slower but eventually it was just two naked males in the same room. I went over to him and kissed him. Despite the circumstances, neither of us were hard. Nick was under hormone treatment and perhaps there was a disconnect between my personality and my body.

After kissing him for a few moments, I then went down to my knees and took hold of his limp cock. I placed my tongue on him and started to suck on him. Slowly but surely, he got hard. I worked on him until he came in my mouth. I instantly swallowed, it had taken longer than before.

“That felt good, thank you,” Nick said appreciatively.

“Your turn,” I said to him.

He obliged and started sucking on my cock. “Not bad,” I said to myself as pleasure build up at the head of my cock. Nick definitely had more experience in this area than me. He got me good and hard and then I quickly came into his mouth. The pleasure was similar to when I fucked Maria, shooting my sperm inside her. However, unlike that occasion, I didn’t feel nearly as awkward. I was having sex with a man, albeit a very gay one. My thoughts went back to Chris, the ultimate prize. I wanted to be with a strong, confident, straight man. For the time being, this would have to do.

***

As the months continued, Nick and I started dressing up in public more often. He would rarely speak while as a girl for fear of being discovered. I just told everyone he was shy. He also started attending classes in female dress and this time he started wearing his own female clothes he had bought. When we went shopping, I helped him pick things out. He continued to grow his hair out and hormone therapy. He was starting to become passable even without make-up.

Frequently, we come into each others’ room and make-out. At first, the farthest we would do is oral sex but then Nick insisted that I penetrate him. I didn’t want to do it, but I obliged him. I used a condom and plenty of lube and then I fucked him hard. Ironically, not being interested in this kind of sex prolonged me. We tried various positions until I couldn’t hold it off anymore.

“You actually enjoy it?” I asked him once we were finished.

“You should try it,” he said content.

“I’ll pass,” I said.

“It’s not just about the pleasure. It’s about being submissive during sex, being treated like a female. I imagine myself being a woman making love to a man,” he said.

I couldn’t disagree, but I was still not interested in having sex with Nick that way. He was becoming more-and-more like a female. Finally, I got him to penetrate me. It took a while to get him ready. He put a generous amount of lube and then slowly pushed inside. It was painful for a few moments as I adjusted to him. Jack would die if he knew what I was doing to his body. Nick lasted a few minutes before he came inside the condom. My first experience being penetrated was disappointing but at the very least I knew what it was about. I dreamed a real man would take me next time.

***
As I grew more confident in my cross dressing abilities, I finally went to the gym. I made absolutely sure my fake breasts couldn’t be seen through my t-shirt. As it happened, Chris was there lifting weights. I ignored him and worked on my run. With each step, I worried that the adhesive on my breasts would come loose.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Chris said walking up to me as I got off the treadmill.

I simply stared at him in fear and arousal. “Just getting in a run,” I said in a perfect feminine voice.

“I never use treadmills. I enjoy running outdoors,” he remarked.

“Well, its a little too cold outside,” I said.

“That’s true, but in the spring time it will be perfect,” he smiled.

“Sure,” I allowed.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to your workout,” he said turning away.

“Wait, what if we ran together? There’s a running trail near my place,” I said boldly.

“I would like that,” he said appreciatively.

***

Once the weather cleared up, Chris gave me a call to go on a run. Not the most romantic idea I had ever heard but anything was better than nothing. He drove up to my apartment and the two of us hit the trail. At first, we kept it slow neither of us wanting to embarrass the other. Realizing it would be impolite for a guy to suddenly outrun a girl, I decided to speed it up. He met my speed and then I went a little faster. He was now struggling a little to keep up but still managed. I was quite impressed, he was much bigger than me. What he probably didn’t realize is that all I did was run since I never lifted weights. It kept me thin but in good shape.

After our run, we were both sweaty and cold. “That was a good run, thanks. I didn’t realize how fast you were,” he complimented.

“I’m the one impressed. You must be nearly twice my size,” I smiled.

Would he be so impressed with me if he knew I was a guy? If I were a real girl would it even be possible for me to reach his speed? The two of us went back towards my apartment. I suddenly realized he would want to come in briefly for a drink or something. I wasn’t sure how that was going to work with Nick around. I had to pray that he would be in drag.

“Want to come inside for a drink?” I asked hoping he would say no.

“Sure,” he smiled.

Shit! I opened the door to my apartment and didn’t find Nick anywhere. Chris came in and remained standing. “You can take a seat if you want?” I offered.

“Its okay. I am all sweaty,” he excused himself.

I got both of us glasses of water. “Thanks,” he said drinking it down.

Nick then exited his room and entered the living room. I stared at him in horror but to my surprise he was in drag. He wore women’s jeans, a bulky sweatshirt, and had his hair styled. He stared at Chris and then at me. “This is my roommate, Nicki,” I said to Chris.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Chris,” Chris said to him.

Nick awkwardly nodded and then made his way back to his room. “She’s a little shy,” I said.

“Nice place,” Chris complimented changing the subject.

“Yeah, I have been meaning to move out though,” I said.

“Really? Same here,” Chris said.

I felt like making a move but decided against it. If I was too aggressive, I could fuck this up. “Well, I’ll see you around,” he said and then proceeded to leave.

“Go after him,” Jake said to me.

He had been with me during the entire run giving me encouragement to run faster. I followed Chris to his car and gave him a kiss goodbye. He smiled and drove off. I went back inside only to find Nick looking disappointed at me from the living room.

“Thank God you were in drag,” I said as I closed the door.

“Are you with that guy?” he asked. It sounded like an accusation.

“We’ve dated a few times,” I said truthfully.

“So, what are we?” he asked offended.

“We’re girlfriends. We’re both women stuck in male bodies,” I said to him.

“But, you haven’t transitioned at all. You just dress as a girl sometimes,” he protested.

“Nick, I can’t be your boyfriend,” I said bluntly. “When we were both boys, we saw each other as attractive. Now, you have small breasts and your dick doesn’t work,” I told him.

He seemed flustered at my rejection. On one hand he was hurt that we were breaking up but on the other hand he felt a little proud that he was in fact changing. I no longer saw him as a man anymore.

“It’s just that physically you still look like a man. It’s a little unfair that I find you attractive but you don’t with me,” he said.

I totally understood what he was saying but there was nothing I could do about it. “I can’t transition,” I said to him.

“Why not?” he asked.

“Jack may return,” I said flatly.

“Jack was an asshole,” he said bluntly.

This was true but also irrelevant. “He’s part of me, like my brother,” I said lamely.

“How long are you going to wait for him?” he asked.

“Good point,” Jake said to me.

“I don’t know,” I said honestly.

“You called me Nicki. I like that name,” he smiled and then went back to his room.

I felt sad for him. During his transition phase it would be difficult for him to get a boyfriend straight or gay. I had fucked a girl once. I ventured to his room and barged in. He gave me a confused look.

“Take off your clothes but leave the breasts on,” I ordered.

He willingly complied. Once he was naked except for the fake breasts, I got on top of him and started kissing him. I massaged his breasts as if they were real. He seemed turned on by this. I then went down on his small cock. I tried to pretend that it was Chris’ cock in my mouth but it was obvious it wasn’t. Nick had trouble getting hard but enjoyed the sensation none-the-less.

I then took his legs and placed them above my shoulders. “You ready?” I asked him.

He simply nodded. I then stroked my cock a few times to get it hard and then penetrated him the way a man would a woman. He groaned in pain and then pleasure as I fucked him. Eventually, he came onto his stomach. I kissed him for a few moments and then withdrew. “I’ll stay with you until you find a real boyfriend,” I whispered to him.

Afterwards, I took a long shower. I wasn’t attracted to Nick even before he started transitioning but pleasure was pleasure. I closed my eyes as I thought of Chris. I stroked my cock and got it hard. Having a penis had always been frustrating for me growing up. It just got larger-and-larger and more obvious. I was becoming more envious of Nick’s micro-penis. After a few short minutes, I came. I couldn’t be disgusted with it though. It was true that I would greatly prefer a vagina over a penis, but I didn’t hate it. If Chris and I were together, I would love the sight and feel of his penis. I just wished it wasn’t on my body.

***

Chris and I continued dating by seeing each other at the gym, the club, or at the movies. He had absolutely no idea I was biologically a male. We never went passed a simple polite kiss. Classes went well as expected. I was compelled to go back to my parent’s place for Spring Break. My father took me out golfing.

I gave my best swung and hit the ball considerably shorter than how Jack would have hit it. I never understood why he was so much better at golf than me. Jake was trying to give me tips but neither of us really had a clue. My father easily hit the ball past mine.

“Anything wrong?” my father asked.

“No, classes are good,” I said.

“Your game just isn’t as good as you’re used to. I figured something must be on your mind,” my father said knowingly.

“Just out of practice,” I said.

He nodded. “How’s Jill? Is she being helpful?” he asked.

I don’t know why I did it. I just snapped right then and there. “You know, Jill is as much your kid as I am,” I said boldly.

“She’s a figment of your imagination, son. She doesn’t exist,” my father told me.

“Burn,” Jake said.

I bit my tongue and went over to my ball. I tried to concentrate but my emotions were getting the better of me. I picked the wrong club and sent the ball into the forest. “Fuck,” I said agitated.

My father raised an eyebrow and hit his ball close to the hole. I had to tell him the truth. I just had to. It was a stupid idea though. I was on a golf course in the middle of nowhere far away from my own car that I didn’t even technically own. “Dad, I’m Jill right now,” I said finally.

“I thought you only came out at night,” my father said disappointed.

I let the comment pass. It was as if he saw me as a ghost that only came out in the shadows. “Jack hasn’t been around since the accident,” I said truthfully.

He stared at me as if trying to process this. “But, you were here with us in December,” my father said.

“Yeah, that was me acting like him. It’s not difficult for me to impersonate him,” I said.

He gave me an annoyed look. “Why didn’t you tell us? Did you just want total control?” he asked.

“No, I wanted him to come back, but he never did. I haven’t done anything crazy. I have good grades. What am I supposed to do about it?” I asked.

“We can get you counseling,” my father said obviously.

“That’s never worked and your whole goal was to get rid of me,” I said scornfully.

“That isn’t true. I wanted the two of you to come together as one mind is all,” he said defensively.

I barked out a laugh. “You wanted a son that had a mind that was both masculine and feminine? Get real.”

“We all have masculine and feminine attributes, men and women,” he said.

That was true to a point but not to this extent. “When I was Jill, you never gave me the time of day.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way. How was I suppose to raise a daughter in the body of a boy? Did you want me to go shopping with you?” he asked condescendingly.

“Just some acknowledgment of my existence would have been fine,” I replied angrily.

“You are going to bring back Jack this instant,” my father demanded.

“Oh, sure, because that’s how it works,” I said mockingly.

“You will get counseling and if necessary medication. You will cooperate,” my father said roughly.

“Or what?” I asked.

“We will cut you off. No school, no apartment, no car, and no money,” my father threatened.

This was no idle threat. Without my parents, I would be financially ruined. “How can I prove I’m making an effort. No one Earth has my condition,” I said.

“I know that. You will do whatever the psychiatrist says, and you will make a good faith effort,” my father demanded.

“Fine,” I agreed.

We didn’t finish our game, and I didn’t bother recovering my lost golf ball. I left to go back home without talking to my mom. On the drive back, I was emotionally distraught.

“I hate them,” I said out-loud.

“They just want their son back,” Jake said.

“It’s all about Jack isn’t it? He gets all the credit and all the love,” I said bitterly. “I should have told him everything: I’m fucking my roommate who happens to be transitioning into a girl, by the way.”

“I wouldn’t advise that,” Jake said.

I turned to Jake who looked exactly like Jack. “What do you want? You’ve been the third wheel this whole time.”

“What do I want?” he repeated.

“Yeah,” I pressed.

He shrugged. “I have higher goals in mind. I want us to have a degree, career, and a family.”

“Yeah, well, one step at a time,” I allowed.

***

I came back to the apartment deeply regretful that my spring break was ruined. As I entered the apartment, I saw two naked people on the couch. “What the fuck?” I wondered.

“I’m so sorry,” the strange man said getting up. He was Asian, slender, and athletic looking.

A naked Nick also got up and looked at me sheepishly. “How much does he know?” I demanded of him.

“Everything,” he said awkwardly.

I sighed disappointed. “We’ll talk later,” I said and went to my room.

***

I wasn’t particularly mad at Nick. In a sense, I was glad he landed himself a boyfriend. It meant I wouldn’t have to have sex with him. Still, an STD was of serious concern. If Nick was sleeping around, it could have repercussions for me.

“What’s the plan?” Jake asked curiously.

“Nick and I are done,” I said relieved.

“Shall we double our efforts with Chris then?” Jake asked.

“No, and we can’t get another feminine gay guy either. We’re stuck,” I said.

“So, what do we do then?” Jake asked again.

“We do nothing. We stay busy with summer school and finish this degree,” I answered.

***

A month after my fight with my father, my counseling sessions were scheduled. I came into the session with no expectations. “Hello, Jack. Take a seat,” the psychiatrist said as I entered the room.

I made no emotion at being called Jack. People called me Jack all my life. “My name is Dr. Stein. First, are you here of your free will?” he asked.

I wanted to scream “No!” but I kept my cool. “Of course,” I lied. If I had said otherwise, he would have stopped the session and my parents would cut me off.

“You’re not here because your parents want you to?” Dr. Stein seemed to sense the truth.

“No, this is my own initiative,” I said with fake sincerity.

“Alright, I have your file. You are Jill, correct? Do you want me to call you Jill from now on?” Dr. Stein asked.

“Whatever you like,” I said indifferently.

“Well, Jill, what are your goals for these sessions?” Dr. Stein asked.

“I want to get Jack back,” I said truthfully.

“That could be a tall order. Your condition is rather unique. There are some techniques we could use. There is always a danger that new personalities could be created instead of Jack,” Dr. Stein said.

“I’ll take the risk,” I replied.

“I am going to try to use hypnosis to try to communicate with any other personalities you may have. Is that okay?” Dr. Stein asked.

“Sure,” I said. Other psychiatrists had done the same with no real result.

“I need you to relax,” Dr. Stein began.

“I know the drill,” I said and then concentrated on the clock in the room. I became more relaxed, thinking slowed down to nothing, and then zoned out.

“This is so ridiculous,” Jake said sitting next to me.

“Damn it, just go with it,” I said to him.

Dr. Stein gave me an odd look. “There is another personality that is making it difficult to focus,” I explained.

“Not Jack though?” Dr. Stein clarified.

“Right, another male personality I call Jake,” I said.

“What is he like?” Dr. Stein asked.

“Lazy, indifferent, and lacking motivation,” I summed up.

Jake simply shrugged not confirming or denying my characterization. “Was Jack aware of Jake?” Dr. Stein asked.

“No, I kept him a secret,” I admitted.

“Why?” Dr. Stein asked.

“He would have been jealous, or he would have freaked out believing he would lose more of his autonomy,” I said.

“If he returns, will you tell him?” Dr. Stein asked.

“Probably not,” I said truthfully.

“Is it possible that Jake could become the missing Jack in your life?” Dr. Stein asked.

“Look, Jack isn’t a figment of my imagination or a reoccurring thought. He’s a real person, and he can’t be replaced,” I said stubbornly.

“Here, here,” Jake agreed.

I gave Jake a sarcastic look. “Anyway, Jake isn’t in control of this body. I am. He can’t replace Jack that way,” I said.

“Have you tried to change your personality to that of a male personality?” Dr. Stein.

“Oh, I have tried. Nothing worked,” I said honestly.

“Have you thought to transition then?” Dr. Stein asked.

“My parents would fry me and Jack would freak out when he returns,” I said.

“How long are you willing to wait for Jack to return?”

***

I didn’t have an answer to that question. Over summer break, I worked on my classes. Chris was gone for the entire summer. I went to my counseling sessions and got nothing accomplished. I never told him about Nick or Chris. That was my business. My parents didn’t invite me back during the entire summer. I guess they didn’t want me around until I was “fixed.”

In August, Chris returned and started meeting up with me. The most we ever did was kiss each other goodbye. Perhaps my absence over the summer caused him to reflect more on what he wanted. He became a little more aggressive in his approach.

Despite my better judgment, we made out in the park. He French kissed me and touched my hips. Before he could feel my fake breasts, I had to stop him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as I broke away.

“They’re not real,” I said touching my fake breasts underneath my shirt.

“Like implants? It’s no big deal,” he said.

I couldn’t explain more without giving everything away. “I am not real. None of this is. I’m sorry,” I said backing away.

“What does that even mean?” he asked confused.

“I can’t explain here. I’ll…text you,” I said lamely and then ran off.

***

Once I got back to my room, I cried on my bed. I had lost Chris and would inevitably lose any guy that I would ever want. Either I faked a relationship with a girl or got together with a gay guy that wouldn’t mind my effeminate nature. Jake tried to reassure me as my tears ruined my make-up.

“Just tell him the truth,” Jake said to me.

“So, he can blab to all of his buddies and make me a laughing stock. All of this was for nothing,” I said ripping my shirt apart. I grabbed the fake breasts and ripped them off my chest. I threw them across the room and then ripped the extensions from my hair.

I tore the rest of my clothes off and saw a naked young man in the mirror. My body wasn’t the problem. I was the problem from the beginning.

***

Dr. Stein frowned at me. “That’s not something I can do,” he said flatly.

“Why not, you bastard?” I hissed inside my head. “Why not?” I asked pleasantly.

“It is unethical and has proven not to work,” he said simply.

“Jack is straight and I am gay? How does that work?” I asked.

“If I understand you correctly, both of you are straight,” Dr. Stein objected.

“So, what the fuck am I supposed to do?” I burst out.

“You must determine for yourself just how rigid you are in your sexuality. Most people are not one-hundred percent straight or gay. Perhaps, you are bisexual and don’t know it,” Dr. Stein suggested.

“Look, I’ve had sex with a girl…pretending to be Jake, long story, and I didn’t like it,” I said.

Dr. Stein decided not to discuss the ethical problems with what I just said. “That was just one girl though.”

“So, you’re saying that maybe another girl would be different?” I asked skeptically.

“Possibly,” Dr Stein replied.

***

I procrastinated on sending Chris a text on the full story, a decision I later regret. Instead, I continued to cross-dress as I usually did but then dressed in masculine clothing without make-up in social settings.

Being rejected by a female was ridiculous, so I created an online profile and shot out dozens of messages to random women I thought had good profile resumes. One decided to reply back and that was the one I saw at the club.

“So, you’re Jack?” a blond woman asked me.

“Yeah,” I said indifferently.

“I’m Sarah,” she introduced herself. I immediately knew her from the website.

“You look more lovelier than your profile pics,” I lied. In truth, I felt indifferent towards her looks and started to notice small make-up imperfections.

“Thanks. Want to get a drink?” she asked.

I asked her what she liked and proceeded to get two. I didn’t care for it but acted as if I did. I then started asking questions about how school was going for her. She prattled on about herself, and I pretended to be interested. Every so often Jake would tell me things about her that I had missed. Her tone of voice, body language, and mannerisms were all being analyzed by the two of us. We both concluded she was attracted to my body.

We did a little dancing on the floor. I was not familiar with the male role but Jake was. He told me what to do on the technical aspects. In my mind, I was checking off every dating box. According to the formula, I was doing everything right. As the night was about to end, I decided to seal the deal.

Since we had both had drinks, I ordered a cab for us. I ordered the cab to her place first. “Thank you for a great evening, Sarah,” I said to her.

She smiled. “Yeah, want to go out next weekend?” she asked.

“Absolutely,” I said with false sincerity.

She smiled at me and then went inside her apartment. I then had the cab drive me to my new apartment. Since my parents were concerned I would have unprotected sex with both men and women, they just gave the whole place to me. I looked over the pictures I had taken on my phone. Jake and I stared at the pictures of Sarah and I. We were both smiling, but I felt dead inside. I had no interest in her whatsoever.

***

I continued with the dating scheme with Sarah despite having no interest in her. For one, I was playing along with the counselor’s suggestion. Maybe if I did switch my orientation, I could live a normal life. I also thought it could trigger Jack to return.

As before I did everything perfectly, but apparently it wasn’t enough. After a few weeks, she broke it down.

“You’ve been really great, but I am going through some issues right now,” she said embarrassed.

“You’re done, finished, game over,” Jake said to me.

I ignored him. “Go on,” I allowed.

“It’s not you, it’s me,” she continued.

Jake smirked not helping my mood. “I thought I could like men, but I can’t,” she shook her head.

“What do you mean?” I asked patiently.

“I like girls. I’m so sorry,” she said apologetically.

“Nice,” Jake remarked.

I fought the urge to turn my head to look at him. Jake’s sexuality seemed completely fluid. “I understand,” I said subdued.

She nodded and then walked off. “She could be lying?” Jake suggested to me.

“It doesn’t matter,” I replied.

***

I went home and discussed the issue at length with Jake. “Assuming she was telling the truth, I didn’t do anything wrong,” I said.

“A break-up isn’t about who was right and who was wrong. Both people can be right when they realize they are not compatible,” Jake said.

“Maybe I was so bad I turned her gay,” I smirked.

Jake chuckled and then I laughed. We laughed together as the crazy people we were.

***

It didn’t take long before the incident caught up with me. I was minding my own business at the school coffee shop when he dropped in. “It’s him,” Jake warned me.

“I can see that,” I hissed back at him.

Chris came up to me filling me with dread. I was dressed in masculine clothing and appeared as Jack since meeting with the counselor. “Hey, I’m sorry about my sister. She can be erratic at times,” he said to me.

I simply stared at him. “Sarah is Chris’ sister. They have the same last name,” Jake said to me.

“Hey, it happens,” I said awkwardly.

He nodded and was about to leave when he stopped. “You look familiar. Have we met before?” he asked.

“He’s got you now,” Jake said amused.

“I don’t recall,” I lied.

“Could it be? You were in that car accident last year,” he said.

“That’s right,” I said hoping that would satisfy him.

He then looked into my eyes as if seeking my soul. “Wait, is that you, Jill?” he asked dumbfounded.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said defensively.

“It is you,” he said sitting down across from me.

“Jill is my twin sister. We look alike except for the gender part. You satisfied?” I asked him irritably.

“She said she was an only child,” Chris said.

“She lied,” I said quickly.

“I am so confused. Why would she lie and why did her brother start dating my sister?” he asked.

“It was coincidental. You have a very common last name: Smith,” I said.

“Alright,” he said standing up. I could tell he didn’t believe me. “Jill said she would text me explaining things. She never did. Could you remind her?”

I simply nodded. He then turned away to walk off. “Wait…I can explain it,” I said finally.

He stopped and gave me a confused look. He came back and took a seat across from me. “I am Jack and Jill. We’re the same person,” I admitted.

He looked at me dumbfounded. “I don’t get it.”

“Sometimes I dress up as a boy and sometimes I dress up as a girl,” I explained.

“So, are you a boy or a girl?” he asked confused.

“What difference does it make now?” I asked.

“I feel I deserve an explanation,” he said. “You dated me as a girl and then dated my sister as a boy.”

“That wasn’t my intention,” I said.

“Be it as it may,” he allowed.

“I’m trans, is that what you want to hear?” I said flustered.

“So, you don’t dress up just for fun?” he asked.

“No,” I said vaguely.

“So, what are you?” he questioned.

“I am a boy with a girl’s mind,” I said truthfully. “I am attracted to only men,” I added.

“So, why did you date my sister?” he asked.

“It was suggested by my counselor to see if my orientation was truly set. I felt nothing for your sister,” I said honestly.

“Okay, this just sounds a little weird,” he said. “I had no idea I was dating a…,” he trailed off.

“A guy? Yeah, sorry. In case you have any doubt, you’re perfectly straight. It’s me that’s fucked up,” I said.

“Is this what you wanted to tell me?” he asked.

“Pretty much,” I replied.

“Look, I know that in mind and soul you’re a woman. I have been around you long enough to know it isn’t an act. So, why not go all the way?” he asked.

“My parents,” I lied. I couldn’t tell him I was waiting for Jack to come back.

“Well, you’re right. I am straight, but we can still be friends can’t we?” he asked.

“It would be torture for me. I want you but I can’t have you,” I said.

“Maybe we can work something out. When you were dressed as a girl, you were a real turn on. You looked beautiful,” he said.

“So, what are you saying?” I asked impatiently.

“We start it up again, but you simply…,” he began.

“Not take my clothes off?” I interrupted.

“Yeah,” he said flatly.

“What kind of guy are you? You know I am a male underneath and that you can’t have sex with me as if I were a girl. You just want to kiss and cuddle?” I asked skeptically.

“Look, I am not into scoring as many girls as I can frat boy. I am not looking to get married either. I am just trying to get my degree done on time. I figure we could both have some company,” he said simply.

It was unusual but rational. Could I really reject him? What other man would put up with me? What if Jack returned? The relationship would immediately end. What if Jack didn’t return. I simply stared at Chris while Jake continued to suggest scenarios.

“Why the fuck not?” I replied finally.

***

From that time on, I started dressing as a girl again. I continued to talk with the counselor and spooked him by showing up as a girl and having a perfectly feminine voice. He didn’t believe it was me at first. I let my hair grow longer and my attitude on life improved.

Chris came by my apartment every so often to watch a movie or play a board game. One night, we made-out on the couch kissing and caressing one another. I could sense Chris’ sexual frustration. He wanted to have sex with me but didn’t want to at the same time.

“I can fix that,” I said touching his dick.

“You don’t have to,” he said embarrassed.

“It’s alright. I want to,” I said honestly.

“But I can’t do the same to you,” he said.

“Don’t worry about it. I am not keeping score,” I smiled.

“Okay,” he allowed.

I unbuttoned his jeans and worked to get his pants off. I positioned him laying on his back on the couch. I pulled his underwear down and saw his dick for the first time. I smiled appreciating its size. Unlike Nick, this thing was large, thick, and could get the job done. This was a real man in front of me. I placed my hands on his dick and stroked him a few times. Satisfied he was good and hard, I put my mouth onto his dick and started sucking him.

He shuddered and moaned as I began licking and sucking him. I had a lot of practice with Nick and knew what to do. It didn’t take long for him to spasm. “I’m going to cum,” he warned me.

I simply nodded and sucked harder on him. He grunted as he came in my mouth. His whole body tensed up as he pulsed a few times. I quickly swallowed and licked him clean. “How was that?” I asked him.

“You’re good,” he complimented.

“I can do it whenever you want me to,” I offered.

He came up to me and kissed me gratefully.

***

Chris and I continued dating through the fall semester. At Thanks Giving, I was obliged to go home to visit the parents. I dressed in masculine clothing to make them happy. They were still upset that Jack was missing. I had done everything they had asked to try to get him back. After a very awkward visit, I came back to Chris for a real Thanks Giving meal with his family. His sister was there but didn’t recognize me. She was all smiles, and I had the impression she might like me. After the visit, I had a weird conversation with Jake.

“So, you date Chris but have sex with his sister. How about that?” he asked while I drove back.

“That’s just wrong,” I rejected.

“Chris isn’t fulfilling your sexual needs,” Jake reminded me.

“I suck his cock every so often,” I pointed out.

“That’s fulfilling his needs,” Jake said.

“Sarah isn’t going to suck my cock just because I am dressed as a girl,” I said skeptically.

“How do you know for sure?” Jake asked.

“Even if it could happen, I don’t even want my cock sucked. Just the thought of it is a turn off. I am a GIRL and girls don’t want to have a cock and have it sucked off,” I said.

There was a long pause between us. “Have Sarah use a strap-on dildo and then have her penetrate you,” Jake suggested.

“No, it’s not happening. Just shut your mouth,” I said irritably.

***

I passed my Finals easily enough and studied with Chris to help him. During Christmas time, Chris gave me earrings. I had never worn earrings before since I could never go out in public as a boy with them on. The earrings were symbolic that I was going to permanently dress as a girl full-time. In return, I gave him a new game console and the two of us played video games for hours.

On the anniversary of Maria’s death, I went to the street intersection where it happened. On the night it had happened, he had berated me and nearly destroyed me. He went from being king to nothing in a few short hours. He was going to marry Maria, have children with her, and live a happy life without me. Now all that was gone. I enjoyed his defeat and felt guilty for it.

“It wasn’t your fault. He was behind the wheel,” Jake reminded me.

“It wasn’t his fault either. No one could have seen that drunk driver cross us,” I said.

“How long do you want to stay out here?” he asked.

It was cold, empty, and dark. “Let’s go,” I said to him walking away.

***

The next day, I visited the cemetery and placed flowers on the grave. I didn’t care for Maria but visiting her could potentially trigger Jack to wake up. I didn’t care if he was horrified about what I had done with Nick or with Chris. I just wanted him to wake up. In a way, I was visiting two graves.

“How long will you wait?” Jake asked me.

“One more year,” I replied to him.

Jack all but disappeared as I dressed as a woman full-time. I still had to put his name on all my papers and tests and any university paperwork I had to do. My car insurance and driver’s license still had his name. My hair grew long enough that it looked girly. I started working on my nails for the first time. I experimented with different clothes and shoes.

Finally, my parents got me a counselor that suggested some medications to “fix” me. Either I took the medications or my parents would cut me off. With no choice in the matter, I started taking them. That proved to be a big mistake.

I woke up one day and saw a woman that looked exactly like me sitting in a chair watching me. “What the fuck?” I wondered.

“My name is Jane. I am going to kill us,” she said in a monotone voice.

“Come again,” I said groggily. I looked for Jake and couldn’t find him.

“It just you and me,” she said to me.

“Alright, what’s your deal?” I asked her becoming wide awake.

“When you fall asleep, I will take control. When that happens, I am going to kill us,” she said again.

I got out of bed and walked over to my twin. “Oh really? What method?” I asked her.

“I haven’t decided yet,” she admitted.

“Get the fuck out of here,” I laughed at her and then went to my bathroom to brush my teeth. She appeared behind me in the mirror.

“I will do it,” she threatened.

“Then do it. See if I give a fuck,” I replied as I worked on each tooth.

She walked over to the shower. “I could hang us here,” she said.

“The shower head won’t hold our weight. Neither will the curtain frame,” I told her as I finished brushing my teeth.

“It could be as simple as the doorknob,” she replied.

I froze for a moment and then worked on shaving my face. Since I still had testosterone producing balls, I still had to shave. “Why if I may ask?” I asked her.

“There is no hope for us. No one will love us. We will never have children,” she said.

“Is that so?” I asked as I worked on my face. “I have a boyfriend right now and things are going good.”

“He will leave you eventually,” she said pessimistically.

“Maybe, but that’s life,” I said finishing up.

“You missed a spot,” she said pointing out a rogue hair.

“Oh?” I said and then worked to get it. My face then became hairy again and pimples began to show. Jane just smirked at me.

“You’re a freak, and you’re going to hell,” she said softly.

I walked out of the bathroom and looked through my closet. My female clothes were gone. “I threw them out,” Jane said.

“No,” I said frustrated.

I looked over at my pill bottle and dumped them into the toilet. “That will not save you,” Jane said to me.

“Shut up, bitch,” I snapped at her.

I looked for my smart phone and found it missing. “Its gone too and so are your keys,” she said.

“That’s inconvenient,” I muttered. “If you’re so determined to kill us, why didn’t you do it already?” I asked her.

“Look at your arm,” she said bored.

I looked at my right wrist and saw that my hand was covered in blood. I couldn’t tell if it was real or not. I couldn’t take the risk. I quickly wrapped it up with a bandage. I then felt a soreness around my neck. Jane casually walked near me with an electrical cord.

“Fuck you,” I said to her and then exited the apartment. I didn’t care that I couldn’t lock it. I was in trouble and needed help.

As it happened a cop was patrolling in the neighborhood. I waved him down in the middle of the street. He stopped his car in front of me and got out. “Get out of the street,” he yelled at me.

“I need help. Take me to a hospital,” I said frantically.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked looking me over. “You’re one of those gay freaks. I wish I could shoot you,” he said rudely.

I stared at him dumbfounded not sure what I was hearing was real. “Take his gun, defend yourself,” Jane suggested.

I looked at his gun as I was starting to lose my mind. It took everything I had to focus. “I am in public and I am intoxicated. Under state law, you are to arrest me,” I told him.

“I’m just going to write you a ticket,” the cop said dismissively.

With no other option, I punched the officer to the face. He was surprised by the blow and immediately put me in cuffs. I was placed in the back of the cop car and felt safe. Jane was in the back with me. “People die in jail all the time,” she said.

The cop took me to the police station and put me in a jail cell. I looked for anything that could potentially harm me. I took the sheets, the pillow case, and threw them out of the cell. The cops noticed I was acting weird.

“Get mental health down here,” a Sargent finally ordered.

Soon, they took a blood test from me. It didn’t take long for them to see that there was an usual drug in my system. “You feeling suicidal?” the Sergeant asked me.

“Yep,” I nodded.

He nodded. “We’re going to put you on 24 hour observation,” he told me.

“Thank you,” I said gratefully.

Even so, the cops were barely attentive. “When you sleep, I am going to bash your head against the wall,” Jane said.

I tried to ignore her, but I couldn’t shut her out. She was in my head. I simply stared ahead and tried to stay awake. Typically, I could only last twelve hours when I shared a personality with Jack. Once it reached 8 p.m, I was starting to fade. The officers seem to notice it too. My eyes were wide-open, my body was shaking, and I was simply sitting on the hard floor.

A cop opened the cell and offered me a cup of coffee. “Here,” he said gently.

I drank it down gratefully. With my condition, caffeine could only do so much. As the hours passed, another officer came into the cell to check my condition. He took my racing pulse and erratic breathing.

“Alright, you’re coming with me,” the officer said picking me up.

I walked like a zombie to his cop car. I nodded off as he took me to the hospital. I was placed in a wheel chair and taken to a room for observation. I gave the nurse the name of the medication I was on. An IV was placed in my vein and taped down.

“Cuff my hands,” I told the officer.

“Why?” he asked.

“I’ll end up tearing the IV out of my arm and bleeding out,” I said.

He took me seriously and cuffed my arm to the bed. “Smart girl, but you can’t keep this up everyday. I will kill us!” Jane shouted at me.

I gave her a stern face. I couldn’t yell back at her without being sedated which was exactly what she wanted. “Get some sleep,” the nurse advised me.

“If I sleep, she will kill me,” I said to her.

“Who will kill you?” the nurse asked.

“The other one in my head,” I said to her.

She stared at me and then nodded in understanding. “We’ll watch you. Is there anyone you want me to call?”

“Yeah,” I said and then gave the nurse Chris’ number.

Chris arrived shortly and had a grave expression as he saw me. “The medication they gave me fucked me up,” I told him.

“Yeah, you’ve looked better,” he winced.

He stayed with me until the medication ran its course. Jane screamed at me the whole time but with Chris at my side, it was going to be okay. It was then I truly loved him. Finally, I fell asleep safe that Jane couldn’t kill me. I wasn’t alone.

***

I woke up half a day later in the hospital. I looked around and saw Chris reading a textbook. I looked around and saw Jake standing above me. “The doctor says…you’re going to be just fine,” he smirked.

“Fuck you, Jake,” I muttered.

“You’re awake,” Chris said pleased and walked over to me.

“You were here the whole time?” I asked.

“Sure, got some good studying,” he said.

“I’m sorry you had to see me like this,” I said.

“It’s alright,” he allowed.

I exited the hospital feeling weak and shaky. The cops gave me a court date to appear which was fine. I was going to embarrass my parents by telling the court the medications they put me under. They soon heard about it and naturally freaked out. On my court date, my parents got a doctor to tell the judge that I was under the influence of a strong medication. The judge threw the case out and that was that. My parents also switched my counselors up.

***

For the next couple weeks, it was a hassle to get a new pair of car keys, a new phone, and whatever else was missing in the apartment. I also decided to stay at Chris’ apartment and slept together, albeit fully clothed. Confident, Jane would never return, I went back to my own apartment.

During spring break, I got ambushed by my parents who required me to go to a counseling session with them. Dr. Stein was present this time. I was dressed as Jack to please them.

“Its great we have everyone here,” Dr. Stein began. “First, I think we should discuss whether you are willing to call her Jill,” he said to my parents.

“But its Jack,” my mother objected.

“Right…but Jack’s female personality calls herself Jill,” Dr. Stein said obviously.

“It’s fine,” my father said to get things moving.

“So, Jill, are you here of your free will?” Dr. Stein asked me.

“Absolutely, glad to be here,” I lied.

“Great, so we apparently had an incident a few weeks back, an adverse reaction to a medication,” Dr. Stein said stating it mildly.

“Yes, it created a new personality that was extremely hostile to me,” I said.

“Describe this new personality,” Dr. Stein requested.

“She was female, she looked exactly like how I see myself, and her name was Jane,” I said.

“Has she made an appearance since you stopped taking the medication?” he asked.

“No,” I replied.

“I recommend Jill not use any medications that could potentially have depression or suicidal side effects. It could create a new unstable personality,” Dr. Stein said to my parents.

“If he’s not taking medication, then what can we do?” my mother asked dismissing my gender.

“Our mutual goal is to bring back Jack. I do not believe medication is the answer. There is a possibility the personality called Jack may never return,” Dr. Stein said bluntly.

My mother started to tear up and used a tissue for her eyes. My father comforted her making it really awkward for me. “It is your intention to bring back Jack, correct?” Dr. Stein asked me.

“Yes,” I nodded.

“Do you believe her?” Dr. Stein asked my parents.

“Yes,” they said after a momentary hesitation.

“What is your plan if Jack does not return?” Dr. Stein asked all present.

My parents looked dumbfounded like it had never occurred to them. Dr. Stein eyeballed me for an answer. “I am going to wait for Jack even if it takes a lifetime. I will act as if I am Jack,” I lied.

Dr. Stein seemed to notice my dishonesty. “Right…well, as admirable as that sounds, it may not be a recipe for good mental health. Jill is a female personality in a male body. In order to correct the situation, Jill must either become a male personality or Jack’s body will have to change so that mind and body are one.”

“You mean a sex change?” my father asked incredulous.

“It may be easier to change the body than the mind,” Dr. Stein said.

“No, we don’t even know if Jill is really a female personality,” my mother objected.

“Good point, Jill, why do you consider yourself female?” Dr. Stein asked.

“I see myself as female in mental projections of myself, I like speaking, dressing, behaving, and being treated as a female. I like men and how they treat me in return,” I said.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Dr. Stein asked horrifying my parents.

“No,” I lied.

“Do you dress as a woman in public?” Dr. Stein continued.

“No,” I lied.

Dr. Stein could tell I was lying. “If I could have some time alone with Jill,” he requested.

My parents reluctantly left the room. “Why don’t you want to be honest in front of your parents?” Dr. Stein asked gently.

“They can cut me off if I say or do the wrong thing,” I said truthfully.

Dr. Stein nodded. “I think the best thing for you right now is to become financially independent. Take out a student loan or get a job to support yourself. As long as your parents control you, I can’t help you,” he said.

***

Chris and I remained steady until summer break when he went back home. I missed him terribly and had only Jake for company. I passed my Finals easily and then looked for a job. I landed a job at a bookstore, but I had to dress as Jack the whole time. My parents immediately noticed that I hadn’t enrolled in summer classes.

“We think you should continue school to get your degree done quicker,” my father said roughly.

“I have done well in school so far. I need to get some work experience to balance myself,” I said using Jack’s voice.

“Nonsense, you don’t need the money or the experience right now. It saves more money in the long run to finish the degree earlier,” he argued.

It made sense if not for the fact that I was at his mercy. “Well, too late. The deadline already passed,” I said and then soon hung up.

To punish me, my parents stopped paying my rent. I used my salary to make up the difference. I then investigated student loans I could apply for. Upon discovery I qualified, I hesitated to take one. My parents would have a fit if they knew I took out a loan. I would only do so if I were going to have a clean break with them. They never treated me as their child anyway.

***

I went back to school at the end of summer but also worked at the bookstore. One day, Chris came to visit me at the bookstore. “You shouldn’t see me like this,” I said referring to my male dress.

“Hey, you’re my girlfriend when you’re all dressed up and my best friend when you’re not,” he said.

“It doesn’t work that way,” I said awkwardly.

“Alright, alright, I just wanted to say hello,” he said and then walked off.

***

The months counted down to the 2 year anniversary. I was getting nervous as the deadline approached. Jack had still not returned. No doubt if he did, he would lead us in a different direction. I had never had to be the leader in my own body for this long.

In December, I visited the cemetery with flowers while dressed as myself. I placed the flowers at Maria’s grave. As I recalled the memory, tears came forth. I dropped to my knees and cried beside the grave.

“It’s going to be okay, Jill,” Jake said softly.

“He’s dead. My brother is dead,” I sobbed.

“You don’t know…,” Jake trailed off.

I stood up and wiped away my tears. “I’m done waiting. This is my life now,” I said to Jake.

“And if he should return?” Jake asked.

“Then, he’s just going to have to deal with it. I lived the last twenty years in his body. I’ll be damned if I live another twenty waiting for him,” I said resolved.

“What is your plan?” Jake asked.

“I need to call an old friend.”

The Black Ring III
(Sequel to Black Ring II)
Black Ring II
Black Ring I

“I need to call an old friend,” I said dialing the number on my cell phone. Niki picked up and greeted me with a feminine voice. Not as good as my own but a considerable improvement from the last time we met.

“Hi, I need to talk to you about those pills you are taking,” I said bluntly.

“Why? You want them now?” she asked.

“Yeah, just tell me how much you want for them,” I said becoming impatient.

“I don’t know…I might have to see a doctor’s note,” she said reluctantly.

“I don’t have time for this shit. Just tell me your terms,” I said irritably.

“Alright, we can meet at my place, so I can educate you on how it all works,” she said condescendingly.

“Much appreciated,” I said with fake sincerity.

Niki then sent me a text message on the time, date, and place. I turned to Jake to hear his thoughts on the matter. “We’re going to need money,” he said.

“We’ll use my credit cards while we wait on the student loans,” I said.

***

I showed up at the student loan office as Jack. I submitted all my financial documents, job history, and filled out their forms. I felt giddy as I started signing documents. For the first time in my life, I felt I was in control of my own destiny.
I finally came over to Niki’s apparent. She greatly improved on her appearance since we had last met. If I hadn’t none better, I would have assumed she was born female.

“Well, hello Jill,” she said.

I smiled politely, her voice still gave her away. I was dressed as a woman and despite not having any hormone therapy was still the more feminine of the two. Was I competing against Niki? Of course, I was.

“Alright, does cash work for you?” I asked wearing a purse.

“Come inside and we can talk about it,” she said.

I went inside the apartment and hung out in the kitchen area. “Want a glass of water?” she asked.

“Sure,” I allowed. Using my female voice did put a little bit of a strain on my vocal cords.

“So, guess what? My parents thought it would be an even greater shame on the family if I lived as a gay man. They said that if I behaved as a straight female, they could pass me off as their daughter and bring ‘respectability’ back to the family,” she said mockingly.

“If only my parents were so understanding,” I replied.

“Yeah, so, they’re paying for the hormone treatment and the eventual surgery,” she said.

“So, you’re going through with the whole thing?” I asked.

“Of course,” she said. She then placed a number of pill bottles on the counter. “You take too many, and it won’t do you any good. You can’t speed up the process by taking more than prescribed,” she said.

“Got it,” I said annoyed. I knew how hormones worked. I didn’t need a lecture from my own drug dealer.

“You do it wrong and you’ll end up with a heart attack or stroke,” she continued.

“Let’s discuss money,” I said changing the subject.

“As I said, my parents are paying for everything. I don’t need your money,” she said.

“So, what do you want?” I asked confused.

She got close to me across the table. “I want your dick,” she said seriously.

Jake burst out laughing, and I had to keep from smiling. “What?” I asked.

“You heard me. You haven’t been taking hormones, so your dick is good and strong. I want to know what it feels like to be in a straight relationship with a man,” she explained.

“First of all, I may look like a man but mentally I am all woman,” I objected. “Second of all, what you’re suggesting is basically prostitution. I mean, what happened to your old boyfriend?” I asked.

“He cheated on me with another man. Who would have thought he was gay?” she said disappointed.

“Yeah…who would have thought,” I muttered.

“How many women have you slept with as your male self?” she asked.

“One, but it was an accident,” I said.

“An accident? Like your dick just fell in her?” Niki mocked.

“It’s complicated,” I replied.

“Well, that’s one more than I have. So, you know how it works,” she said.

“Yeah, I got the mechanics down. We’ve done this before,” I reminded her.

“That was different. I want you to treat me like a real woman,” she said.

“How am I supposed to do that?” I asked.

“Practice,” she said obviously.

I looked at Jake for help. He merely shrugged. As a male-to-female transsexual, the prospect of prostitution with men was a well-known fear. But never had I ever dreamed I would end up a male gigolo. “Are you insane? The idea is for me to transition into a woman. How does fucking you as a man accomplish this?” I asked.

“Even while on hormones, your dick will still work. Once your transition is complete, we stop having sex and become girlfriends,” she said excitedly.

“Yes, because that’s how it works. When we go shopping for bras, I am just going to have to forget I once had my cock in your ass,” I said irritably.

She giggled at that and then became serious. “You wanted my terms. That’s what I want,” she said.

“Look, I have a boyfriend of my own now. This is technically cheating,” I said.

“So, don’t tell him,” Niki said obviously.

I simply stared at her wondering if she was totally serious. “Allow me to consult my other personality,” I asked.
She nodded knowing well enough I was nuts. I walked over to the dining room to discuss the issue with Jake in private.

“What do you think?” I asked.

“We do need to watch our money supply, and we can’t get this stuff through legitimate channels,” Jake said.

“But it’s cheating on Chris,” I said stubbornly.

“Chris isn’t going to want us as we are forever. We need to make a play,” Jake said.

“Damn it. I wish you could take control once in a while,” I sighed.

“Same here,” he smirked.

I walked over to Niki. “It’s a deal,” I told her.

***

I reluctantly followed Niki to her girly bedroom. She had really over-compensated from before we lived together as men. She unzipped her dress dropping it before me. I noticed she wasn’t using padding inside her bra this time. With implants, her breasts were full inside her bra. She undid her bra revealing C-cup size breasts.
“They look good,” I complimented, a little jealous of her.

“Could you tell the difference?” she asked.

“A man wouldn’t,” I allowed.

She smirked at that and leaned against the bed. I sighed and started taking my clothes off. “When you come back to me, I want you dressed as a man,” she said.

“Very well,” I said annoyed.

I got out of my clothes until I was naked in front of her. “I think we need a condom or something,” I said awkwardly.
“Not this time. This is freebie,” she said going to her knees.

She pulled my underwear down and then touched my flaccid penis. “Act like you enjoy this,” she said and put her mouth on me.

***

Moments later, I was in my car totally shell-shocked. “That was disturbing,” I said out loud.

“At least you got your pills,” Jake said brightly.

“These better not be placebos. I’ll kill him…her….it…whatever,” I said annoyed.

I went home and started taking the medication as instructed. It didn’t magically turn me into a woman like some fairy tale. For the first few weeks, nothing seemed to change. Knowing the hormones could have an adverse effect on my sperm count, I went to the clinic. I had my sperm saved in case I wanted my own children in the future.

“You think this is really a good idea?” Jake asked me.

“Why the hell not?” I asked offended.

“Well, we are a bit fucked up,” he said putting it lightly.

“It’s probably a really really recessive gene. Our kid isn’t going to have what we have,” I said dismissively.

“What if the kid does?” Jake asked darkly.

“Then my future husband and I will treat that kid with respect unlike our parents,” I said.

“Still, we have a rather benign form of it. Some people with this disorder have unfriendly personalities,” Jake said.

I knew exactly what he meant. Jane had tried to kill me. “Look, it’s just in case. I rather have it be available than not. After I am chemically castrated, I won’t have any chance at all,” I said.

“Since we are going to marry a man, who will be the surrogate mother?” Jake wondered.

“That’s a good question,” I replied.

***

At my next session, I spilled the beans to Dr. Stein. “As you know, everything you say in this room is confidential,” he said in a boring monotone voice.

“I’m on hormones, now,” I said bluntly.

He simply stared at me with his spectacles. “What kind?” he asked.

“The female kind, duh,” I said impatiently.

“Where did you get them?” he asked curiously.

“That’s my business,” I said. I wasn’t going to tell him the truth just yet.

“Very well. You are aware of the risks involved. Once you start forming breast tissue, you will require surgery to remove it,” he said.

“I have no intention of removing it,” I said.

“And what if Jack returns? Won’t he be a bit surprised by this?” he asked.

“Jack is dead,” I said firmly.

“I see. So, you have come to accept it?” Dr. Stein asked.

“Yes,” I said flatly.

“Will you tell your parents at some point?” he asked.

“Not just yet. Once I am completely financially independent, I can tell them to fuck off,” I said.

“I think it would be a good idea to have a diary. Write down any physical, mental, and emotional changes you may have during this transition,” he advised.

“Yeah, sure,” I agreed.

***

Chris and I continued to date and that included our runs. One day, I was panting and out of breath as we reached the finish line. Chris seemed fine as if it were nothing. “Hey, what’s wrong? You’re usually faster than this,” he said concerned.

I couldn’t lie to him. I had to tell him the truth of the matter. “I am taking hormones,” I told him.

“Wow, so, you’re finally doing it?” he asked surprised.

I didn’t sense he was over joyed by this or enthusiastic. He looked concerned more than anything. “Yeah, the sooner the better,” I said.

He nodded. “Well, good for you,” he said giving me a hand shake. I shook his hand. We were both dressed as men after all.

***

Niki got more demanding with my next visit. I put on a condom and a generous amount of lube as I stuck it inside her. She was on all fours with me on my knees. I grabbed her hips and started fucking her hard. Every so often, she would instruct me to touch her breasts or kiss her a certain way. It was an absolute negative to ever touch her penis. She acted as if I wasn’t there as she cried out and became vocal. I was her ultimate fantasy, a straight man making love to her. Eventually, she collapsed on the bed and I got on her back. I continued to penetrate her until I came in the condom. I grunted a few times as I did to further her fantasy.

After sex, we showered up, and she gave me more pills. As time went on, she became more imaginative. We had sex in the shower, on the couch, on the kitchen counter, and even on the floor. Not everything was work between us. We would both dress up as girls and go to the club. I invited Chris to come. He was completely oblivious that Niki and I had a “business relationship.”

The hormones were making some progress. I felt a little swollen under my nipples, and I felt scared for the first time. “I’m really doing this,” I said to myself.

“Isn’t it what you want?” Jake asked.

“Yes, but what if things don’t work right. What if one boob is bigger than the other. What I they don’t look right?” I asked.

“Just get a boob job,” he said simply.

“I don’t have that kind of money,” I said.

“Not now but later you will,” he assured me.

***

At the bookstore, I still dressed as a man. No one could tell I was on hormones. I did my job well and got paid a measly amount. I continued to excel in my subjects and was meeting my goal of graduating early. One fateful day, I went jogging with Chris. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until I felt my vision get blurry.

“Hey, Chris, I have to stop,” I said but my words came out slurred.

“Are you alright?” Chris wondered concerned.

“Just a really bad headache,” I said and then blacked out.

***

I woke up in the hospital and saw my parents talking with the doctor. A sudden dread came over me. I would later find out that the doctor had told my parents I had a brain aneurysm which was caused primarily by the car accident two years prior. The doctor also informed my parents that they detected an unusual amount of estrogen in my blood indicating hormone therapy. To fix my aneurysm, surgery was required which resulted in my head being shaved.
At first, I wasn’t aware of my condition. My initial thought was that my illegal hormone therapy had given me a stroke. I flexed both my fingers and then noticed Jake in the room. A nurse came over to the doctor to inform him I was awake.

“How are you feeling?” the doctor asked me.

“Groggy,” I replied.

“The anesthesia will wear off in several hours,” the doctor assured my parents.

“Jack, you suffered a blood aneurysm in the brain. It should have been caught after your car accident. We did a surgical procedure to correct the problem,” the doctor informed me.

I felt a little relieved that it hadn’t been my fault that it had happened. The car accident had killed Maria, Jack, and was now threatening me. The doctor didn’t feel to need to discuss the “other” details about me and went back to my parents.
I exited the hospital in a wheel chair and was taken to my parents’ SUV. Thankfully, I had collapsed in male clothes. My parents took me back to their place and then let me sleep for the rest of the day. If there was small talk between us, I
didn’t remember it.

***

As soon as I awoke, it was early morning. I put on some gender-neutral clothes and strolled into the bathroom. Fortunately, the surgery didn’t affect my motor functions. I could walk and grasp objects as before. Looking at my reflection, I saw a sickly-looking person stare back. My head was shaved and there was a bandage on my skull. I looked neither male or female; more like Ripley in Alien 3.

As I entered the living room, the dachshund instantly betrayed me by barking at me. The dog never barked at Jack, just me. My parents exited their bedroom upon hearing the dog barking.

“I hate you,” I said to the dog.

“You finally woke up,” my mother said condescendingly.

I wasn’t sure what to say, so I kept my mouth shut. At this point, I wasn’t aware how much they knew about me. My father also entered the room and took a seat near the fire place to the right of me. My mother was on a couch to the left of me. The parents had planned this intervention. I was being ambushed.

“Want something to drink?” my father asked.

“No,” I said softly.

My father took hold of the excited dachshund. “I assume you are Jill right now?” my father asked.

“Yes,” I replied honestly.

“The doctor told us that you have estrogen in your blood. He told us the only explanation is that you’re undergoing hormone therapy,” my father said without emotion.

A felt a chill go through me. My car keys, my wallet, and my phone were in the hands of my parents. I had nothing if they kicked me out of the house. “Is there a question?” I asked defiantly.

My father paused creating awkward tension between us. “Are you taking female hormones?” he asked finally.

“Yes,” I answered shakily. I had never felt so much fear in my life. In almost all cases, Jack had been in control of the direction of my life. He was the one that got the lectures, the punishments, and humiliation. I was simply there for the ride. My parents never punished me; they simply ignored me.

“Where did you get them?” my father continued the interrogation.

“From a friend,” I said vaguely.

“A licensed doctor?” my father asked already knowing the answer.

“No,” I said simply.

“Where did this friend get these drugs?” my father asked.

“I don’t know,” I said truthfully.

My parents looked at each other as if condemning my drug source. “How can you be sure these drugs are safe?” my father asked.

“I don’t. I simply trust this friend,” I replied.

“How are you paying for these drugs?” my father continued.

“My friend doesn’t have a car. I take this friend places,” I lied. I had to think quickly to explain how I spent my money. My father knew how much I spent in gas but couldn’t know where I was going with it. I also made sure to mask the gender of my so-called friend.

My father was smart enough to detect the deception but decided to drop this line of questioning. “Is it your intention to transition from male to female?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said flatly.

My parents didn’t make any sudden emotional outburst. It was as if the entire scene had been prepared in advance. My parents were simply confirming what they already knew. “You are attempting to transition without psychiatrist counseling, legal prescriptions, or consulting with us?” my father accused.

“I knew I would never be approved, not with my condition,” I replied. “I knew you wouldn’t approve either.”

“Did you think you would be able to get the surgery necessary to transition from your own pocket?” my father asked.

“I figured I would save up for it,” I replied stubbornly.

“More likely you thought you would get a number of student loans to pay for it,” my father said knowingly.

I said nothing revealing nothing. My father sighed as he considered what he wanted to do. “The honest truth is that you appear to me as my son Jack, but I don’t know the person inside. I am not sure who you are, but you are not my son.”

What my father said was true but somehow it felt very hurtful. My father was grieved that his son was gone as I was too. “I miss Jack too. He was in my head every single day and now he is gone. No one feels his loss more than I,” I said daringly.

My parents studied me perhaps to see if I was sincere. I had the distinct impression they saw me as an alien in their son’s body. “We haven’t treated you as a member of this family. We saw you as part of the disease we were trying to cure. We didn’t understand what we were dealing with, no one did,” my father began.

“It has become obvious to us now that you are our child just as Jack was. We should have treated you both as siblings. Jack has died…but you are still our child,” my father said controlling the grief in his voice.

“We don’t want to lose you too. So, I am going to offer you a deal, a new beginning,” my father offered.

“What kind of deal?” I asked curiously.

“We will put forth the money for your hormone treatments and surgeries to aid in your transition. No daughter of mine is going to look like a half boy-half girl freak. You will look perfectly feminine after these treatments and surgeries are done. You will stop going to your ‘drug dealer’ and instead go to a licensed physician we will find for you. You will dress, behave, and speak as a woman at all times. You will end any student loans, credit cards, or alternative money supply you may have,” my father began.

I was too much in shock to note my father being an asshole about gender roles. My father was offering everything I wanted and more. There had to be a catch. “I assume you are attracted to men?” my father asked.

“Yeah,” I said lamely.

“And do you have a boyfriend?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said truthfully.

My father nodded as if he suspected all along. “I expect you to be monogamous and keep a decent reputation.”
“Sure,” I replied awkwardly.

“In return, you will keep your grades up and graduate early as you have been. When you graduate, I will find you a job that won’t ask questions about your past. You will also preserve a sample of your sperm that can be used later,” my father demanded.

“As you say,” I allowed.

“Do you need time to think it over?” my father asked.

“It’s a lot to take in. Can I just think for a moment?” I asked.

“Take a walk around the neighborhood if you need to,” my father permitted.

I simply stared at him. The asshole wasn’t going to give me back my keys unless I agreed to his deal. “Sure,” I said and then walked out of the house.

***

As I walked down the street, Jake appeared next to me. “What do you think?” I asked him.

“He’s a clever man. If you don’t do as he says, he will claim you’re not serious about this transition. He’s trying to see how committed you are,” Jake smirked.

“So, I have to go at his pace or else he will accuse me of not wanting to be a woman? I have to speak, dress, and act how he wants me to or else he will cut me off. I should just use the student loans and tell him to fuck off,” I said bitterly.
“Isn’t this what you wanted?” Jake asked me.

“I wanted it at my own pace. If I decide to dress or act a certain way that’s my business. I won’t be told when and if I can get surgeries. The truth is that I am scared of these changes. I have never been in charge of my life like this before. What if my parents are right? What if I am not really a girl but just a fucked-up part of Jack’s psyche? What if I was never meant to be a girl?” I asked.

“You’re happy when you dress as a girl. It’s obvious. Just ask Chris,” Jake said.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I can pull it off. Can I really be a woman for the rest of my life, be a wife, and be a mother? What if Jack comes back?” I stammered.

“Forget about Jack. This is your opportunity to get what you want and make amends with our parents. If after the transition, our parents still don’t respect us, we can make our own way,” Jake argued.

“I don’t know,” I said indecisively.

Jake took out a coin. “Let’s say we flip for it.”

“That’s not a real coin,” I said irritably.

“Whatever side it lands on is our true intention,” he smiled.

“Fine, heads, we take the deal,” I said entertaining it.

Jake flipped the coin and let the coin fall on the ground. The coin spun on the sidewalk for a few moments. “Really?” I asked Jake annoyed.

“Wait for it,” he insisted.

The coin finally turned head up. “Alright,” I agreed.

Jake picked up the coin and placed it in his pocket. I l later learned that it was a two-headed coin.

***

I came back into the house with my parents still sitting. Jake took a seat next to my father as if he was my father’s long-lost son. I took a seat across from my father. “Let’s do it,” I said.

“You can start by dressing in proper attire,” my father said gruffly.

“I didn’t bring any of my clothes with me,” I objected.

“While you were in the hospital, your apartment was searched. You will find your clothes in your bedroom,” my father said simply.

I wanted to lash out in anger. He used my hospitalization to take my apartment keys and search the apartment. He knew about my clothes and the drugs before our little chat had even started.

“Chill out, Jill. Just go with it,” Jake said calming down.

“Thank you…for your thoughtfulness,” I said and then went to my room.

I went into my old room and sure enough female clothes from my apartment were in the closet. I also found my fake breasts on the top shelf of my closet. “This is so embarrassing,” I said displeased.

I put my fake breasts on my chest, put on a bra, and then used my specialized panties that hid my male parts. I then wore the black dress and finally the black high heels. Without doing my make-up, I still looked like a boy in a dress.
I exited my room awkward and embarrassed in front of my parents. “Did you also take my make-up as well?” I asked angrily in my female voice.

My parents were initially surprised by my female voice. “You can use mine,” my mother said.

My mother led me to my parent’s bathroom where her make-up was kept. “Do you need any help?” my mother asked condescendingly.

“No, I’m fine,” I said irritably.

My mother watched as I went to work on my hair and face. When I was finished, my mother looked at me impressed. I got the impression that my parents didn’t take my cross dressing seriously. They had never seen their son in drag before.

Once, I was done I came out to my father. He also was impressed by my look. “Well, you look presentable after all,” my father said condescendingly. “Enjoy the mall with your mother.”

I stared at my father. He was testing me to see how I would act in public. “I will,” I replied in my female voice.

***

My mother took me to a number of expensive women stores. “Have you thought to getting earrings?” my mother asked me.

“She noticed the indents on your ears,” Jake said helpfully.

“I have worn earrings before,” I replied.

My mother approached a jewelry desk. “Pick out something you would like.”

I couldn’t tell if my mother was being generous or testing me. If I picked earrings that weren’t feminine enough, it would betray me. I cast my index finger over the glass as I considered them all. Jake also placed his finger on the glass. We met in the middle picking one out. My mother made no comment as she bought them for me.

My mother then questioned me on my opinion of shoes and dresses. I gave my honest opinion with Jake helping me out. I could not be tricked. I had two minds in my head. We came over to the bra section.

“Ideally, what size would you like to have?” my mother asked me.

She was testing me to see if I would say something outrageous like Double D’s. “A, B or C cup would be fine,” I replied.
My mother picked out a few dresses and had me try them on. I awkwardly went to the female changing room and tried them on. “These fit and these do not,” I said handing my mother the dresses.

“You’ll probably lose weight, so I’ll get you these,” my mother said referring to the ones that didn’t fit.

I interpreted my mother’s meaning to mean that I would lose weight. I was under weight as a male and typical size for a female. I guess my mother wanted to make me a skinny female or have me fail trying.

After the mall trip, my mother took me to the salon. My hair was treated but not cut. My mother got me hair extensions that I knew I would be forced to wear. Looking into the mirror, I looked a lot more feminine with longer brown hair.

***

When I arrived back home, my father looked at me approvingly. “You look beautiful,” he said awkwardly.

My father complimenting me as his daughter was the oddest thing to me. “Thanks,” I said lamely.

“All your things are in here,” my father said giving me an expensive black purse. I knew then I wouldn’t be getting my back my male clothes.

I checked the purse to see that my wallet and keys were inside. “I’ll drive you back,” my father said.

I followed my father to his car. I would be his hostage until I arrived safely back at my apartment. I took the passenger seat while Jake sat in the back. Most of the drive was filled with awkward silence.

“This boy you’re seeing, what is he like?” my father asked.

I couldn’t refuse his questioning. I was stuck. “He gets good grades and is athletic,” I said vaguely.

“How well do you know his family?” my father asked.

“Well, I dated his sister as a guy while I was on break dating him, its complicated,” I felt like saying. “I’ve met his sister is all,” I said finally.

“Obviously, I am not worried about you getting pregnant or getting anyone else pregnant,” my father said
condescendingly. “I am worried about diseases, the incurable kind.”

“There is nothing to worry about,” I said feeling uncomfortable.

“I would like to meet him sometime,” my father expressed.

“Sure,” I said. How could I refuse him at this point?

It was night as my father dropped me off to where my car was. My father looked around and noticed there was a running/bike trail nearby. “You might want to take it easy,” my father advised me referring to my runs.

I simply nodded. Typically, a father would give his daughter a hug. My father wasn’t ready for that. He simply offered his hand. I painfully shook his hand and went to my car. Had I won or lost?

***

Despite my parents’ insistence that I always dress in female clothes, I felt liberated once I got to my apartment. I could dress as I pleased and present myself as either gender if I wanted to. After all, dressing as a female was still a lot of work. I went to class as either sex and thought nothing of it. Still, I felt like I was being watched.

While I was eating lunch on campus, an older man in black clothes came by to sit across from me. “Can I help you?” I asked in my male voice. I was wearing male clothes at the time.

“I work for your dad,” he said.

“Good for you,” I said sarcastically.

“My job is to take pictures and take notes. I just felt I should give you the heads up,” he said.

I simply stared at him. “I’ll find a way to get you arrested,” I promised.

“Been there, done that. What I do is perfectly legal,” he said dismissively.

“How much is my father paying you?” I asked angrily.

“I can’t say but its more than you can afford,” he smiled.

“You stay away from me,” I told him.

“This will be the last time you will see me,” he promised. “You look prettier in a dress, really,” he smiled and then walked away.

“Fuck me,” I said frustrated.

***

I met up with Chris at a restaurant. I was dressed in female attire. He asked me how I was since my hospitalization. After I assured him I was alright, we discussed my parents’ deal.

“Wow, your parents paid a private eye to spy on you. That’s mental,” Chris said.

“I have to be a woman 24/7 in public or that fucker is going to report me. Then, the deal is off, and I lose everything,” I said angrily.

“It’s just one guy. He can’t see everything,” Chris said.

“I don’t know if it’s just one guy, and he just has to bust me once,” I said frustrated. He could be in this restaurant for all I know.

“Or in the parking lot,” Chris said helpfully.

“If he’s spying on me, he’s spying on you too,” I said.

“It doesn’t matter. So what if your parents know who I am,” Chris said dismissively.

“Thanks, Chris,” I said appreciatively.

After dinner, I gave Chris a loving kiss in the parking lot. I hoped the private eye caught it.

***

I called up Nicki and told her everything including my parent’s deal. “Don’t worry about it. I already got a man now,” she said. “Good luck.”

I stayed in touch with Niki as she went through her therapies and operations. She was always one step ahead of me giving something to look forward to.

Due to personal preference and fear of the private eye, I dressed as a female whenever I exited the apartment. I even started doing it when I was alone in the apartment. I was now taking prescribed hormone pills and discussing my issues with Dr. Stein. The hormones did change my emotional balance but not to any serious extent. I always had Jake to balance me out if I was about to do something stupid.

As a way to test my resolve, my parents ordered electrolysis appointments. Each appointment would be time consuming and painful. It would permanently end the growth of facial hair. I discussed the issue with Dr. Stein.
“You think your parent’s new-found enthusiasm for your transition is a test?” he repeated in his boring monotone voice.

“Yeah, they’re testing my resolve. They want to see if I am serious about this,” I said annoyed. “If I go at my own pace, they’ll cut me off,” I added.

He nodded as if he had heard such things before. “What of your own financial independence?” he asked.

“Somehow, someway, my parents managed to block my student loans. I had to quit my job at the bookstore as well,” I said frustrated.

“Why?” he asked curiously.

“There’s a private investigator following me wherever I go. If I dress as a man for my job, I’ll get busted. My parents don’t even want me to get a job. They want me to do nothing but study, and they can handle all the expenses,” I said bitterly.

“Well, it would appear your parents have won,” Dr. Stein said.

“Thanks,” I replied sarcastically.

“Even in defeat, there are things you can learn about yourself. Do you want to transition or not?” Dr. Stein asked.

***

I decided to have a chat with Chris on what was happening to me with my parents. “Wow, that’s kind of fucked up,” he commented once he heard everything.

“The first step is electrolysis sessions. It’s going to hurt like a bitch,” I said irritably.

“It’s all part of the process,” Chris allowed.

“Look, where are we going with all this? In a year, we will graduate and go our separate ways,” I said.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I like the idea of staying together even after graduating.”

“What would be the point?” I asked.

“Look, you’re looking at this all wrong. You’re coming from a position where you’re a guy pretending to be a girl. You need to see yourself as a woman that just has a small birth defect,” he said.

“Even if I go through with the transition, I couldn’t give you kids,” I said obviously.

“That isn’t the only point to having a relationship. Besides, we could always adopt,” Chris said.

“If I don’t transition, we will eventually break up. That is the truth,” I pressed.

He hesitated to reply confirming what I already knew. “You have to transition for yourself, not because of me,” he said flatly.

I had my answer. If I didn’t transition, I would lose Chris. My parents would never take me seriously again if I backed out. There was only one choice, one option. Despite all the pain I would have to go through to achieve the goal, it was unavoidable.

“For next several months and years, I am going to be struggling. I am going to need your help,” I said finally.

“Absolutely,” he replied.

***

My electrolysis was scheduled by my parents. It would be one of many sessions to permanently end hair growth on my body. At the last minute, my parents canceled the session and rescheduled. My parents gave some BS excuse for doing it. They were testing my resolve. They postponed a few times until I finally went in to have it done. I suppose my parents rationalized that it would be acceptable to have a son that couldn’t grow a beard. They were still in denial that I would go through with the whole thing.

Eventually it did happen finally giving me relief from shaving every other day. I did two treatments a week blending heat with chemicals that worked to kill facial hair. The commitment would be long with several months to a few years to make facial hair permanently go away. Thankfully, Jake had trouble growing any significant facial hair.

My hair grew longer to the point where extensions were unnecessary. After a few months, my breasts were noticeable enough that I couldn’t go outside shirtless without causing controversy. I began using a sports bra when I walked in the park. As I became more feminine, I started to wear skintight gym wear. I took my father’s advice to take it easy, so I walked instead of jogging. Chris would lap me a few times and then walk with me the rest of the time. He would glance in my direction occasionally eliciting a smile from me. I was finally enjoying the attention of the male gaze.

Occasionally, I would come over to Chris’ apartment after our walks. I would use his shower and change into gender-neutral shorts and t-shirt. I felt perfectly safe at his place away from shady private eyes. The existence of them made me paranoid although my parents never spoke to me about their findings.

One time, Chris began to play an old action movie. “Let’s watch something else,” I said slightly freaked.

Jake gave me an odd look. It was one of Jack’s favorite movies and could potentially trigger his return. “Sure,” Chris said and chose some sappy romantic comedy that we both ended up hating. It didn’t help that Jake talked to me during the movie.

“I thought our goal was to bring back Jack,” Jake said.

I gave him a dirty look. Bringing back Jack would be complicated now. I was in between male and female and dating a man. Jack’s return could seriously undermine my progress. I decided to reply to Jake in the bathroom away from Chris.
“This isn’t a good time,” I said to myself and Jake in the mirror.

“So, we have decided to only trigger Jack’s return when it is convenient now,” he accused.

“What do you care? You hated him as much as I did,” I pointed out.

“I am beginning to doubt your commitment to bringing him back. Now, you’re actively avoiding things that could bring him back,” Jake said.

“What the fuck do you think is going to happen if he does come back,” I hissed.

“You good in there?” Chris asked.

I shut my mouth not wanting to reveal my insanity to him. “All good,” I said cheerfully and exited.

That night, we made dinner together. I could definitely see myself moving in with him. That would be a considerable step that neither of us seemed prepared for. As we watched TV, I got close to him and we began to kiss. Before, we would give each other pecks and goodbye kisses. This time I kissed him for a good moment and dared to even use my tongue. He reciprocated with his own kissing skills. I felt so aroused by him and yet felt nothing coming from my penis. It was something deeper inside my gut.

“I want to do something for you,” I said breathlessly.

I reached for his shorts and held his erect cock in my hands. He didn’t pull away or tell me to stop. “Are you sure?” he asked me.

“Absolutely,” I said and then lowered my mouth onto him.

It became such a thrill to know I could provoke all sorts of reactions from him. He moved his hips slightly while his cock was in my mouth. I could hear his soft moans and sighs. Niki had taught me well when she had sucked my own cock months before. This would be the first time I had truly pleasured a man, a real man.

“I am about to…,” Chris warned.

I didn’t care. I wanted to get him to the finish line. I kept going until he inevitably came in my mouth. I withdrew from him and quickly swallowed. I gave him a sheepish smile.

“That was great,” he complimented.

“I can’t believe I did it. I got you to cum,” I said enthusiastically.

“Well, it’s only fair I return the favor,” Chris said.

I froze at that. As much as it would be pleasurable for him to try, it would be border-line gay. I didn’t want my straight boyfriend to suck on my cock. That just wouldn’t do.

“Let’s do it,” Jake encouraged.

“That’s alright, Chris. I didn’t mean to go this far,” I rejected.

“I’m happy you did,” Chris assured me.

“Look, I would rather you not play with my male parts,” I said delicately.

“Fair enough,” Chris agreed. “Do your breasts count as male parts?” he asked rhetorically.

I stared at him and then took off my shirt revealing A-cup breasts. “They’ll grow,” I promised him.

“They look fine,” Chris replied.

“They ache sometimes when they’re squeezed. If you could just focus on the nipple,” I said awkwardly.

He nodded and then gently kissed my right nipple. I sighed as they felt very sensitive. My anxiety that we were just two gay men evaporated as he passionately kissed and licked my nipples. This wasn’t something two men did. I was engaging in sexual foreplay as a woman for the first time. After a few minutes, it was too much for me.

“That was great. Thank you, Chris,” I said sincerely.

“It’s getting late. I should take you home,” Chris said as he straightened out his shorts.

“I want to sleep with you,” I blurted out. “I mean…with our clothes on,” I clarified.

“Sure,” Chris allowed.

Chris went to sleep, and I immediately went to the bathroom. Chris was getting me too aroused. My penis was usually limp but was now attentive. I pulled down my shorts and stroked my cock quickly.

“Need any help?” Jake mocked.

“Fuck off. I can’t sleep with Chris with this erection,” I said. I thought of Chris making love to me as I stroked myself. If only it were possible. I quickly came and felt relieved. All was calm again.

I exited the bathroom and went to sleep with Chris.

***

Despite my better judgement, I went through dozens of shemale porn vides on my laptop in the privacy of my own room. Jake was present with me to determine the “hotness” of each porn actress.

“No, no, no, maybe, no, no,” Jake said as I scrolled down.

“Well, aren’t you picky,” I said annoyed.

“Can’t you determine attractiveness for yourself?” he asked me.

“No, because I am a straight woman,” I shot back.

“Please,” Jake smirked. “That one looks good.”

“The man or the woman?” I asked sarcastically. “You see what I did just there? I implied you could be a homosexual.”
“And?” Jake shrugged.

I went back to my laptop and clicked the video. “So, I am definitely not going to penetrate Chris,” I said.

“Some straight men like to be pegged,” Jake reminded me.

“I know, but I don’t enjoy it. I can’t even get very hard anyway,” I said.

I watched the shemale women make love to men from various positions and tried to imagine what I would do. It was both strange and unsettling to know that I would soon join their ranks.

“Only temporarily,” Jake assured me.

“Right,” I said fearfully.

***

My lease was up before I was to graduate. There was no way to avoid getting a new lease on my apartment. I would have to go to my parents to review whether I was worthy of it. I met my father at his country club for breakfast.

He casually looked through the lease, the same lease he had signed a few times already. “Nothing’s changed,” I said.

“Actually, everything has changed. The last time I signed this lease, I thought I was talking to your brother,” he reminded me.

It felt odd thinking of Jack as my brother. “I have a proposal that would cut costs,” I said.

“Oh really?” he asked condescendingly.

“If I had a new roommate, it would cut the cost in half,” I said vaguely.

“Oh yes, your roommate Nick moved out,” my father recalled.

“Yes, Nick did move out,” I replied controlling the urge to tell him everything that had happened.

“Well, do you have someone in mind?” my father asked.

“Yeah. Instead of renewing this lease, I was thinking to move in with…Chris. His lease ends after I would graduate,” I said delicately.

“Doesn’t he have a roommate of his own?” my father asked.

“He went back home,” I said truthfully.

“So, your plan is to split the rent three ways then?” my father asked.

“Right. Even though Chris’ roommate isn’t present, he still has to pay half the rent. This would help all involved,” I said.
“Unless of course this roommate reappears,” my father said suspiciously.

“Unlikely, he’s totally moved out,” I replied.

“Cost isn’t really the issue…Jill,” he said.

“What is the issue…dad,” I said in the same tone.

“If you were boy and straight, which you are not, I wouldn’t have a second thought about it. However, I know that you are involved with this boy and moving in together with him will just be an unacceptable risk,” my father said.

“So, if Jack were gay you wouldn’t have agreed to this, right?” I asked pissed off.

“If Jack were gay I wouldn’t have him live with another gay man,” my dad clarified.

“It’s not like I can get pregnant,” I protested. I didn’t think this was such a big deal. “In fact, it would be even more risky if I had a female roommate,” I added.

“I am not concerned about you getting pregnant or getting someone else pregnant. You’re so far gone that your sperm must be useless by now,” my father said.

I wasn’t sure whether to be insulted by this remark. “So, what’s the deal?” I repeated myself.

“If you end up breaking up with this boy, there will be non-stop drama between you two. I would rather not have to get involved in this queer state of affairs,” my father said.

“That won’t happen,” I promised.

“You can’t promise me what he will do,” my father corrected.

“I’ll join the club. I’ll play golf,” I offered.

“We negotiating?” my father asked skeptically.

“Yes,” I replied subdued.

“Chris has to join too. I want to know his true intentions,” my father said.

“His intentions are noble,” I said vaguely.

“Has he proposed?” my father asked.

“Well, no, but I haven’t fully transitioned yet,” I excused. “You know what? This isn’t fair. Right before the accident, Jack wanted to move in with this girl. Would you have allowed that?” I asked accusingly.

“No,” he said flatly.

I sighed stumped. “If he proposes to you, the two of you can move in together. Otherwise, I won’t agree,” he said finally.
“Is this about the sex? I can assure you that I can get sex from Chris whenever I want,” I said boldly.

“Perhaps you can, but I can’t make it easy for you. Adversity will strengthen your relationship or it will cause it to end, in which case it was never meant to be,” my father said.

“We’re both students. We can’t afford a ring right now,” I said.

“A proposal doesn’t require a diamond,” my father smiled.

***

I went home defeated. I couldn’t tell him about my father’s deal. If he proposed just to live with me, it wouldn’t be sincere. He would have to do it on his own accord. “What if we proposed to him?” Jake suggested.

“Women don’t propose to their men,” I rejected.

“That is old-fashioned thinking,” Jake reminded me.

“Yeah, well, I want an empowered confident husband,” I replied.

“Husband?” Jake questioned.

The word did seem odd coming off my lips. Before, all I could hope for was a boyfriend or partner. As I transitioned to womanhood, I was going to inevitably face the prospect of being called a wife and mother.

“Wow,” I said out loud.

***

That night, I went to Chris’ apartment to tell him the news. “My father said no,” I sighed declining to give further explanation.

“Not too surprising I guess,” Chris said disappointed.

“We can still do things at your place, and you can still come by my place,” I offered.

“What kinds of things? Board games?” Chris joked.

I got close to him. “I am going to have my boob job soon. When I get them, I want more from you,” I said.

“We can do it now if you want,” he said.

“No, I am not yet ready. I don’t look female enough,” I said.

“Shouldn’t that be up to me to judge?” Chris asked.

“You worry me sometimes, Chris. I can use make-up to give you a pretty face but my body shouldn’t be arousing to you unless…you’re gay,” I said nervously.

“Well, I’m not gay. I know that,” Chris said while drinking a beer.

“Then, how could you be interested in my body?” I asked.

“It’s not a matter of arousal, it’s a matter of love. I want you to feel pleasure and happiness,” he said.

“Okay, in that case, we can do it in the dark,” I said.

“Whatever feels most comfortable,” Chris agreed.

We went to Chris’ bedroom and took off our clothes. This would be the first time showing myself fully naked to him. I had made progress in my transition eliminating facial hair permanently, having my whole body shaved of body hair, developing breasts, and a more feminine face. Still, it didn’t seem enough.

I went over to the bed and bent over. With my right hand, I held my genitals, so they wouldn’t flop around. Chris put a generous amount of lube on his cock and got closer to me.

“If it hurts too much, you tell me to stop, alright,” he said concerned.

“It will be fine,” I assured him.

He was hard as he pressed inside. Should I be alarmed that he was hard? Was he truly straight? Would I go through this painful transition only to find out he was actually gay this whole time? My anxieties disappeared for the moment as he entered me.

“You okay?” he asked me.

“Yeah, no problem,” I said to him. I couldn’t tell him I had done this before with Nicki who was now a transsexual herself. Wait, if Chris ever knew about what I had done with Nicki, he would be right to question my sexuality. Even more so if he knew about Jack and Maria. I was being a total hypocrite.

Chris thrust inside me at a slow pace not wanting to hurt me. Unlike Nicki, he was a much larger man in all areas. In the dark, I tried to imagine what his cock looked like as it entered me. After a few moments, he managed to cum inside me.
“Let me do something for you now,” Chris offered as he finished.

“No, I am very satisfied,” I said turning to face him. I kissed him passionately. “You fulfill me, Chris.”

***

I occasionally went to Dr. Stein during my transition process. “So, you’re concerned that your boyfriend could be gay?” Dr. Stein repeated.

“Yeah, that would be a deal breaker. I really want to live as a straight woman with a straight boyfriend,” I said resolved.

“You are entitled to your sexual preference, Jill. Never feel you should change to accommodate someone else’s sexuality,” Dr. Stein agreed.

“What if he is gay though?” I wondered.

“Well, has he had any prior gay relationships?” Dr. Stein asked.

“None to my knowledge,” I answered.

“Has he stimulated your genitals in anyway?” Dr. Stein continued.

“No, I haven’t allowed him to. He said he would do it only if I wanted him to,” I said.

“And has he engaged in anal sex with you where he was on the receiving end?” Dr. Stein asked.

“No. I’m not interested in that,” I said embarrassed.

“I suggest you present yourself as a man, attempt to gain his affections, and gauge his reaction to you,” Dr. Stein suggested.

“My parents will think I have relapsed,” I said concerned.

“I will tell them otherwise,” Dr. Stein said.

***

So, I cut my hair short, wore loose male clothing, used make-up to make myself more masculine, and practiced a male walk. I even practiced my old male voice again. “Very boyish-looking,” Jake approved.

“If he kisses me now, he must be gay,” I said confidently.

I went to the university and waited for his class to end. He immediately recognized me somehow and came over. His male friends were close behind. Chris gave me a kiss in front of his friends despite my appearance.
“What’s with the haircut?” he asked.

I was too stunned to answer him. He had just kissed me while I looked like a man in front of his friends. “Chris, you never told me your girlfriend was so cute,” one of his friends said.

“Cute?” I wondered.

“Yeah, where did you find her?” another smiled.

“At the gym,” Chris said vaguely.

“You should invite her to my parties. We would love to see her there,” the third friend said.

All three straight males were able to see through my disguise. “Sure thing,” Chris said as the three took off.
“You okay? This is a strange look for you,” he said.

“Actually, I kind of regret it now. It took me a long time to grow it out and everything,” I said awkwardly.

“Short, long, it looks good,” Chris assured me. “Let’s get a bite to eat.”

“I’ll be right with you,” I said and then went to the woman’s bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror. My disguise was as good as one could do. A woman washed her hands next to me, gave me a glance, and then walked out. She didn’t scream that a guy was in the bathroom. She didn’t even give me a second glance.

“I would think it obvious,” Jake said appearing in the mirror behind me.

“What’s obvious?” I asked.

“You can no longer pass for a man. Not even if you tried. You’re not merely passable now. You are a woman now,” Jake said.

I touched my face in stunned realization. There was no way Chris had confused me for a man. He saw me as a woman as everyone else in the world now does. As the shock wore off, I realized what I had done to my hair.

“Damn it,” I sighed.

***

Despite my ruined hair, Chris took me out to dinner for a group date. We had been asked to go by Chris’ sister, Sarah. I decided to stay casual with a sweatshirt and jeans. I placed my fake breasts on my still small breasts. I counted the days until my breast surgery.

“Glad you could make it,” Sarah smiled at her brother as we arrived.

“Sure. This is Jill,” Chis introduced.

We had met before when we had dated as man and woman. “You look really familiar,” Sarah said of me.
“My brother is Jack. He mentioned you before,” I said.

“Wow, I can definitely see the resemblance,” Sarah remarked. “What a coincidence this is. His sister is now dating my brother.”

Chris smiled and decided to break the tension. “And this must be Barbara.”

“Nice to meet you,” she said politely to him. Jake and I saw nothing to indicate Barbara was interested in Chris.

“She’s a Lesbian,” Jake pointed out the obvious. Barbara was also wearing masculine clothing, had short brown hair, and wasn’t wearing any make-up.

We all sat down across from each other in the seafood restaurant. Sarah attempted to pry into my past history, but I was well prepared for such questioning. Nothing could get past Jake and I.

Midway through the meal, Sarah touched her lips and realized her lipstick was off. “Jill, mind coming with me?” she asked.

So, this was happening. It was a rite of passage for girls to go to restroom together and gossip. I was both annoyed and flattered. “Sure,” I said getting up.

I followed Sarah into the restroom where she immediately fixed her face. “I guess I used too much. You would know all about that, right?” she asked.

“I suppose,” I said wondering where she was going with this.

She got close to me and squeezed my fake breast. “You are Jack, aren’t you?” she accused.

“Get off me, bitch, or I will end you,” I threatened.

“What’s with your fascination with my family? You couldn’t get me, so you went for my brother?” she demanded.

“I didn’t know you were his sister,” I said honestly.

“But after you did find out, you decided to dress up as a girl for him?” she asked.

“It’s more than just dress-up,” I said pushing her back. “He knows everything about me.”

“Including the fact that you tried to get in my pants?” she asked.

“That’s an exaggeration,” I said.

“Does he know we were together?” she asked.

“Yes, he does,” I replied. “If you don’t believe me, you can ask him,” I said.

“I questioned my sexuality, because I felt zero chemistry for you. Now, I find out you were a fucking girl this whole time,” she said outraged.

“I’m sorry the pace of my transition inconvenienced you,” I mocked. “I don’t feel attracted to every man I see.”

“I felt comfortable being a Lesbian, because I knew my brother was perfectly straight. I knew he would continue the family line. My family is kind of a big deal,” she said arrogantly. “Now, I find out he’s with someone that can never get pregnant.”

“I’m an only child. My parents had the same concern, but you know what, I don’t give a fuck about that. Use a sperm donor or fuck some random guy; I don’t care what you do to continue your family line,” I said.

She stared at me and then gave me a creepy smirk as some weird idea must have popped into her head. “No worries. You just keep being…you,” she said giving me a pat on the shoulder.

The two of us exited the restroom and came back to our table. Sarah was as bright as ever as if our friendly talk had never happened. I didn’t know it at the time but my little chat with Sarah would forever alter my destiny.

***

My parents and Chris were present as I exited surgery. I had inserted the breast implant through the armpit to avoid any chest scars. I was assured the stitches would dissolve on their own. While receiving breast implants was not necessarily a permanent change, it was a milestone. I could now walk around in a bikini and never have to use my fake breasts again. My entire body was definitely more female looking than male.

Once I got home, I couldn’t stop looking at my new breasts. After a few days, I no longer needed any pain pills and the incision mark disappeared. Only a keen eye could tell I had implants. I knew that Chris would lie to me even if my breasts looked fake. So, I printed out a dozen pictures and female breasts in front of him.

“What’s this about?” he asked.

“Tell me which ones are real and which ones are fake,” I instructed.

“Really, Jill?” he said uncomfortably.

“Just do it,” I ordered.

He reluctantly sorted them out. After he was done, I gave him an odd look. “Did you even try?” I asked.
“How am I supposed to know? I’m not a plastic surgeon,” he excused himself.

He got half of them right, but the important thing was that my breast pictures were in the natural pile.

That night, Chris played with my now full breasts. I felt so female as he caressed them and cupped them with his hands. “Too bad you won’t be able to go outside shirtless,” Chris smiled.

“Yeah, too bad,” I smiled.

***

My father invited Chris and I to the golf course at his club. Gone were any thoughts that I would revert to my male self again.

“I got a good lawyer to work on your documents,” my father said to me.

“Cool,” I said lamely. I didn’t know how to even begin the process to legally change my name and sex.

My father sighed as I swung the golf club. The ball was quite short from the hole. “I don’t get it, Jill. You used to be so good at this,” my father said referring to Jack.

“Just out of practice,” I said giving him a fake smile. Jack wasn’t really into golfing either but practiced anyway to please his father. I, on the other hand, didn’t give a shit.

Chris swung hitting the ball much closer. “Not bad,” my father complimented.

“I practiced a little in high school,” Chris revealed.

My father did his swing and got the closest to the hole. No doubt, I was going to get third place.

My father and Chris walked off to talk while I sulked. “Fuck this game,” I said out loud.

“Now, now, you can be as good as Jack if you focus,” Jake said.

“But why?” I asked. Hearing about Jack used to tighten my throat with grief. Now, the pain of losing him had dulled. Jake had done a good job of filling in for Jack.

I eventually slogged through the course and had lunch at the club house filled with elite old people. My father continued to compliment Chris as if he were the son he never had.

The club leader then approached our table. “How you doing?” the club leader asked of my father.

“Just finished a round of golf with these kids,” my father smiled.

“Is this your son?” the club leader asked of Chris.

“No, he’s my daughter’s boyfriend. Jack is still at college,” my father said smoothly.

“I didn’t know you had a daughter,” the club leader said looking in my direction. “What’s your name, young lady?” he asked.

“Jill,” I replied politely.

“You have one lovely daughter,” the club leader complimented my father.

“Thank you,” my father said as the club leader walked off.

Chris gave an uncomfortable look as it was obvious my father hadn’t revealed my true nature to any of his friends. Jack would never make another appearance in the club house ever again.

***

Whatever my father must have said to Chris on the golf course must have had an impression on him. He invited me to the beach but not to swim. I was in white dress while he wore dress shoes, black slacks, and a white collared shirt.

“So, where are we going?” I asked as I followed him.

“There’s a restaurant not too far from here,” he said.

We continued to walk until the sun was about to set. “I know I’m just a student, but I have big plans. I want to live with you and be with you always,” Chris said.

“Sure, Chris. We can make it happen after graduation and when we get ourselves jobs,” I agreed.
“I want to be with you now,” Chris said and then got on a knee. I simply stared at him. What was he doing? Could this be real? Was this how countless women felt? Fear and joy swept over me.

“Will you marry me?” he asked finally taking out an unusual looking ring.

I placed the ring in the palm of my hand. It was a simple black-colored ring, the kind of ring my father spoke off. “Yes, Chris. Of course, I will,” I said.

He stood up and kissed me as the sun set. I placed the black ring on my finger and followed him where we had the best meal of our lives. The black ring would later be replaced by an expensive diamond ring that I would always wear. Still, I kept the black ring as a keepsake and never knew how important to me it would become.

***

Graduation finally came after three hard years. Jack had only done a semester with my help. This degree was mine. I owned it. Chris happened to be graduating at the same time even though he was a year older than me. Due to our last names, we were far apart from each other in the line. He gave me a kiss before we took our places. The black gown bulged a little from my new breasts. I went through the ceremony and had my named called.
“Jill ___,” the lector called out.

I accepted the degree that had my name on it. This was my accomplishment and no one could take that away from me.
After the ceremony, I reunited with my parents. “So proud of you, Jill,” my mother gushed.

“Good job,” my father said shaking my hand. He then noticed the black ring on my left hand and gave me a wink.

Now that I had graduated, the real hard work would begin. I would have to find a job while trans. Shouldn’t be too hard.

***

Chris found a job easily enough as a physical therapist. I finally got a job interview in the city in an office building. I dressed conservatively as a business woman and finally spoke with the boss.

“Your grades are excellent and your major fits right in with us, but I have a diversity quota to fill. How are you, a white woman, going to help me with that?” the boss asked skeptically.

“I’m…trans?” I said helpfully.

“Can you prove it?” the boss asked skeptically.

“Yeah, I have tons of documentation on it. I kept everything,” I replied.

“Good, you’re hired,” the boss smiled and shook my hand. I have worked there ever since and only my first boss ever knew of my past.

***

With my graduation and new job, my parents finally decided I was worthy of their generosity to get the final operation. We couldn’t go through the normal channels, because I had multi-personality disorder and some kind of schizophrenia. So, we went to the one place that would do it, no questions asked: Thailand.

I felt nervous on the long flight as if I was heading towards my own demise. Thankfully, Chris was with me. We dropped down in Bangkok and checked into our hotel. We made love with him taking me from behind. I wasn’t yet comfortable doing it face-to-face. Soon, my cock and balls would be gone and it would open up all sorts of positions.

Before the operation was to take place, Chris and I visited the Buddhist temples and markets. We wouldn’t be able to do this after the operation. I was in a constant state of anxiety as I worried about the pain of being permanently disfigured.

The night before the operation, I showered alone. Well, Jake was with me as usual. “This could be our last orgasm,” he said wearily.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “You going to still be you after the operation?” I asked.

“Why wouldn’t I?” he asked.

“It’s just this is the last step. I figured you might change into a woman after this,” I said.

“Not likely,” he smirked. “I am a mental projection. You will always have a fraction of your mind that is masculine.”

“Maybe, I will eventually purge it,” I said playfully.

“Or the other way around,” he challenged.

I took hold of my weak flaccid penis. “Well, let’s give it a proper send off,” I said to Jake.

***

The operation was a success, but I felt the worst pain of my life. The drugs made me numb and incoherent. The mental projection of Jake was not clear most of the time. I even wondered if this of all things would finally spark Jack to reappear. Perhaps, he would finally arise to protest what I had done to his body.

The removal of my genitals was of little consequence in so far as I had already sterilized myself with hormone treatments. I would have to rely on the sperm that I had stored long ago.

The doctor assured me that everything had gone according to plan. I would have to take his word for it. It was a discolored painful wound at the time. Still, regardless of functionality my male genitalia were gone forever. To everyone else, I looked completely female biologically.

Months went by as I painfully used plastic dildos to keep the neo-vaginal cavity from closing. I felt numb where my clit was supposed to be. I had little interest in sex and felt miserable a great deal of the time. Occasionally, I even second-guessed my decision.

“Maybe it was a mistake,” I said to myself.

“Yeah, you fucked up,” Jake agreed.

“I hate you. You don’t have to experience all this pain,” I said enviously.

“Not all pain is physical. I have to constantly hear you whine,” he said.

“What if I can’t do with him? He might leave me,” I said distressed.

“The plastic you have been using is about the same size. You have nothing to worry about,” Jake said.

“You really are gay,” I concluded.

“You’re healed enough. Go to him,” Jake advised.

“Alright,” I said.

***

I found Chris reading a book on the couch. “I’ve made you wait a long time. I’m sorry, Chris,” I said to him.
He put the book down and focused on me. “What do you mean?”

“You could have scored some real pussy with some girl years ago, but you waited all this time for me,” I said appreciatively.

“Of course, you’re my gym buddy,” he grinned.

“Wow, that’s fucked up,” I said recalling all the time we spent together as male friends.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked.

“I think I’m ready,” I said finally.

He nodded thoughtfully. “Well, unfortunately I’m not. You’re going to have to wait a few hours,” he said.

“Fuck you. Get in the bedroom,” I ordered.

He smiled and kissed me as we entered the bedroom. I quickly got out of my clothes and had no hesitation showing him my front side. We kissed, naked, face-to-face. I felt his erect cock up against my thigh.

“If it’s too painful, we can stop anytime,” he said.

“I know,” I said just as worried.

He put a generous amount of lube on his cock and then hovered over me. We had never had sex face-to-face like this. He placed his hand on my entrance and felt around. “Tell me if I get the right spot,” he said as he felt for my clit.

He eventually found it and then placed a finger at my entrance. Slowly and cautiously, he entered me. “You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, let’s try for two,” I said.

He put two fingers inside me giving me confidence I could handle him. “Okay, let’s do this,” I said. Finally, we would have male-female sex. I had waited so many years for this moment. I had been resigned to Jack’s plans but now I had accomplished everything I had ever wanted.

Chris gently pushed inside and then slid all the way to the hilt. “Wow, I didn’t think I could take all of you,” I said surprised.

“You calling me short?” he teased.

“Chris, it doesn’t feel painful anymore. Do your thing,” I said as I wrapped my legs around his hips.

“You’re the boss,” he said and started moving inside me.

Years of sexual repression was suddenly released. I became a real freak. Gradually at first, I moaned and screamed. I had him pull my hair as he penetrated me from behind. I clawed at his back as he pressed inside me. I rode him like a bull when I was on top. There was no fear of ever being outed or being rejected. When he came inside me, I worked to get him back up.

It took time, but I experienced my first orgasm. After that, I became addicted to sex. I wanted Chris all the time, every night. I had several years to make up for. He never saw me anything but a normal female. He went down on my and licked my neo-clit as if it were the real thing.

After a long love making session, my hair was a mess, my body was sweaty, and my muscles burned with exhaustion. “Chris, I want to be your wife,” I told him.

“I would be honored to be your husband,” he said and then gave me a real diamond ring. Taking the black ring off my finger, he placed the real engagement ring on my finger.

“I will love you always, be faithful to you always, and care for you for the rest of my life. I’m so thankful to have met you,” I said as happy tears came down.

“The pleasure is mine, Jill,” he said and then kissed me lovingly.

***

On the fifth-year anniversary of the car accident, I came to the cemetery with roses. I dressed in black, as I came upon Maria’s tombstone. What could have been had the car accident not occurred? Jack would have married her by now, and they would have had kids. I was so far behind.

“You might find it a little odd seeing me here every year, Maria,” I said to the tombstone. “But as far as I am concerned, you both died together,” I added referring to Jack.

I placed the flowers at the grave mark along with the others. “Well, Jack, look at me now. I’m about to get married to a loving man and maybe start a family soon. I know you would be proud of me, even if you couldn’t admit it,” I said.
I wiped away a tear as I thought of him. Yes, he had been an ass at times. Right before he died, things between us had been bad. Still, it was Jack that saved me from my darkest days. When I was a teenager, my parents tried to get rid of me with counselors and drugs. They hated me and only wanted Jack as their child. I was so close to ending it all, but Jack pulled me from the brink.

Yes, it was self-preservation. My destruction would have been his destruction, but he was the only one that gave me any love or kindness. I owed my life to him. As I departed, my hand shook as if I had Parkinson’s. I raised my shaking right hand and gave it a peculiar look. Jake gave me an odd look. I focused on my hand and shook it correcting the malfunction.

Thinking nothing of it, I went back home to Chris.

***

The next morning, I felt something odd. My body was moving on its own accord. It felt like an out-of-body experience. My body awkwardly moved over to the bathroom and a sense of dread filled me. I hadn’t felt like this since…
My body stared at the mirror, and I felt a rush of foreign thoughts enter my mind. They were male thoughts. “Oh crap,” I realized as my body touched my feminine face.

“He woke up.”

Black Ring IV
(Direct Sequel to Black Ring I)

A few weeks after the wedding, I fell back into my usual routine. Most mornings, I found myself naked next to Chris’ naked body. Since the wedding, when Jill tricked me into having sex with Chris, I hadn’t touched the man in any affectionate matter. He seemed understanding about our weird situation. I almost felt sorry for him. I would be pissed if my wife only loved me half the time.

I put on white underwear reserved for me and put on some shorts. I didn’t bother putting a bra on and never did unless I went out in public. Walking around topless, I ventured into the bathroom and sighed at all the make-up and female hygiene items. I brushed my teeth thoroughly getting every single tooth and then looked at myself in the mirror. It was a woman’s face with wild hair.

“You going to brush it out?” Jill asked me. Her hair was just as messy as mine. In fact, nowadays we looked like twins.

“Nope,” I replied in a more deeper voice. She had managed to perfect a woman’s voice after many years of practice. I had not, and I lacked motivation to do so. In public, I usually kept my mouth shut.

I went over to the arm-chair and watched some TV. I felt dead inside lacking any real goals or ambitions. Jill had taken over everything during my five-year hiatus. I eyed the coffee table and saw a photo album of the wedding. I shut it not wanting to think about it.

“What’s wrong?” Jill asked as she sat on the couch next to me.

“I don’t want to think about it. It was so embarrassing,” I shook my head.

“What part?” Jill asked.

“The entire thing. I imagined it would be a lot different, alright. I would be in a tux, Maria would be in the dress, and all my high school friends would be there. I would get totally fucked up drunk and then make love to her all night long,” I said bitterly.

“Sounds very romantic,” she mocked.

I ignored her and went into my Facebook account. Surprisingly, all of my pictures were how I looked like as a male. I stared at the pictures memorized by my boyish looks. It was looking at ghost frozen in time. “I preserved your Facebook profile just the way you had it before the accident,” she said.

I checked my message history and saw that Jill had written some messages on my behalf. Some of my friends had heard about the accident and had given me their sympathies. Jill wrote back assuring them that I was okay. Occasionally, she would reply to one of my high school friends as if she were me. Since she had all of my memories, that wouldn’t be too hard to do.

“Do you have your own account?” I asked.

“Of course. I used Chris’ last name from the very beginning to avoid anyone figuring out we are the same person,” she said.

I nodded approving of her prudence. While Jill had access to all of my memories, I couldn’t access hers. It was like there was a mental wall preventing me. It wasn’t a big deal as Jill would gladly tell me everything that happened during her day whether I wanted to know or not.

As I looked over my Facebook newsfeed, I discovered a high school five-year reunion had been planned. A number of people I recognized had already committed to going. “Let’s go shall we,” Jill gushed.

“Absolutely not,” I told her.

“Why not?” she asked disappointed.

“Why do you think? My old friends are going to think I’m a freak for turning into a woman and marrying a man. All the girls I fucked are going to be traumatized,” I said.

“Let’s not exaggerate. You only fucked two girls,” Jill reminded me.

“I recall it was three,” I corrected.

“Getting your dick sucked doesn’t count,” she said annoyed.

“It doesn’t?” I wondered. “Anyway, we are not going and that’s final,” I said resolved.

“Whatever, I don’t care about your stupid friends anyway. You barely talked with them after graduation,” she said.

“Glad we could agree on something,” I muttered.

Chris entered the living room wearing a t-shirt and shorts. “Hi, honey,” he said to me.

I simply gave him a dirty look.

“Right, Jacky. How’s it going?” he said friendly.

“Fine,” I replied.

He gave me an odd look and proceeded to make breakfast. “Ask to help out,” Jill said to me.

“I would rather not. I don’t know how,” I told her.

“I’ll teach you. I’ll be right with you,” she said.

“Just leave me alone, alright,” I hissed at her.

“Anything wrong?” Chris asked as he made eggs.

“Nothing. Just talking to myself, you know,” I replied.

“Tell Jill, I said hi,” he said.

“It doesn’t work that way. She can see and hear everything I do,” I told him.

“Is it the same with you, like when she’s in control?” Chris asked curiously.

“No,” I said flatly.

Chris was still convinced he had wedding bliss with Jill instead of me. He was wondering if I had seen, heard, and felt the sex that night and every night after. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case. When I woke up naked, I knew something went down the night before.

“Cool,” he said in a more reassured tone.

Chris saw me as an involuntary roommate. He couldn’t get rid of me without getting rid of his wife. He tried to make the best of things by being friendly to me. We would jog outside, watch movies, play X-Box, and occasionally work together on house chores. It was a little challenging for him at first since Jill and I co-existed in the same body. He would have to go from lover to roommate to lover again within the span of a day. Would I have tolerated the situation if I were him? No, I would not. Hell no.

To help him out, I would decline to wear make-up, style my hair, or do anything to make myself attractive. Revealing that Jill was still aware even when I was awake was a double-edged sword. He would talk to me as if I were Jill telling me about his job, bills, and mundane things. Jill would then tell me what to say making me a translator of sort.
When Chris was done, he took his plate over to the couch.

“He should eat at the table,” Jill said annoyed.

I rolled my eyes. I didn’t care, so I didn’t say anything about it. I did notice that he didn’t make a plate for me. That bastard. Still, it was good that he was learning to treat me differently depending on which personality was in control. Guaranteed, he would have made a plate for Jill.

I went to the fridge and got a Bud-Light and went back to my arm-chair. Chris stared at me a little as I drank the beer while watching TV topless. “Why are you drinking a beer? Think of all the calories,” Jill lectured me.

“It’s a bud-light,” I said out loud. Chris stared at me wondering what kind of conversation I was having with Jill. “Sorry,” I said to him.

“You know, you’re a little distracting,” he admitted.

“Oh yeah?” I smirked. Making Chris sexually uncomfortable was becoming amusing to me. “Should I wear a burka or something?”

“No, it’s fine,” he conceded.

I was being a little unfair. I knew very well the male sex drive. Me, sitting here, with my boobs on full display must be torture for him. He should feel lucky though. He has a cock and I don’t. After finishing my beer, I decided to look a little more dignified for his sake. I put on a t-shirt, neglecting the bra, and made my own cereal.

“So, do you want to go to the high school reunion?” Chris asked.

I froze and looked at Jill. “What the fuck, Jill?” I hissed at her.

“Please, I have access to all your accounts,” she said pointing to her forehead.

“That doesn’t mean you can violate my privacy,” I muttered. I turned to Chris who found my muttering a little odd.

“I hadn’t planned to. I wasn’t going to even do it with everything that had happened,” I said.

“Okay,” he said simply.

“You want me to show up and be looked upon as a freak by my old classmates?” I asked rhetorically.

“I don’t think you’re a freak,” Chris said.

“You’re so sweet,” I said mockingly.

“If you don’t want to go, its fine. I just figured you might want to reacquaint yourself with people you know,” he said.
I dismissed his sentiment out of hand. I would be a total laughingstock. Not only would I be outed as being married to a man but that I had also received a sex-change too. I would be expected to socialize with the girls and listen to them platter on about their weddings and babies.

“No way,” I shook my head.

“Okay, what if you went dressed up as a man?” he suggested.

I hesitated to say no. “You couldn’t come,” I said bluntly.

“Alright,” he allowed.

“I’ll think about it,” I said honestly.

***

Later that day, Chris went out to meet with his sister Sarah for lunch. Relieved, I spent most of the day playing video games and watching TV. After wasting much of the day, I felt a little frustrated, so I took my laptop into the bedroom and locked the door. I clicked my favorite porn website and scanned the Lesbian section.

“This is so gross. This is one of the few things I didn’t miss about you,” Jill chided.

“I just need to get off,” I told her.

“Have Chris do it. He’s an expert,” Jill recommended.

“Fuck off,” I replied to her. “You tricked me into having sex with him,” I accused.

“Don’t act like you didn’t like it,” she replied.

I couldn’t deny that it was the most intense sexual experience I had ever had. It was also the most traumatic. I had no control over how long it would last or what position I would be in. He was in total control of the situation. With my laptop, I was now in control.

I played a Lesbian video and reached into my pants. I had gotten used to not having a penis but this new anatomy was still strange to me. It wasn’t female anatomy as I had known it. The head of my penis was made into a clit. I found the little nub and began to rub. It felt good but wasn’t the same as having a seven-inch cock in my hand.

“You were never seven inches,” Jill reminded me.

“You’re not helping,” I said angrily.

“Try using my dildo,” she recommended.

“No,” I rejected.

“Why not? It will feel really good,” she said confused.

“It’s almost the same as having a cock in me,” I clarified.

“Get over it. You’re never going to get off just rubbing your clit,” she said.

“Fine, whatever. Where is it?” I demanded.

She pointed out the drawer. I searched through her underwear drawer and found the peach-colored dildo. I looked at the locked door. Chris wouldn’t be able to know what I had done unless Jill told him.

“You can’t tell Chris about this,” I said to her.

“It’s not a big deal,” she rolled her eyes.

“Promise me,” I demanded.

“Fine,” she said.

I got back on the bed and carefully placed the dildo inside until it was all the way in. “This is so weird,” I said to myself.
Finally, I mustered the nerve to turn it on. It vibrated inside my depth creating an instant reaction. “Holy shit,” I said as I felt it.

“Pretty good, huh?” Jill said.

I stared at the scissoring women and rubbed my clit while the dildo continued to vibrate. Suddenly, without warning, I felt an orgasmic release. I immediately turned the dildo off. It was too much to handle. Just as before, I felt tired and disinterested in sex. I turned my laptop off and reflected on my existence.

“The real thing is so much better,” Jill told me.

“He loves you, not me,” I told her.

“He’ll learn to love both of us as long as you don’t act like a bitch,” Jill said.

“Bitch?” I wondered. Now that I looked like a woman, I could use the word with impunity.

“Grow up,” Jill scolded me.

***

My name is Jill and Chris returned with his sister, Sarah. Unlike that slob, Jacky, I had my hair and make-up done and was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. As soon as Chris entered the room, I held up my left hand that had my wedding ring. Jacky never wore the wedding ring and only occasionally wore the black ring she was supposed to wear. Chris nodded acknowledging the switch and gave me a tender kiss.

“So, we had a long talk, but you have to agree to it,” Chris said as we all sat down.

“Agree to what?” I wondered.

“Obviously, you two can’t have a child naturally,” Sarah said stating the obvious.

I stared at them. Chris and I had discussed the possibility of adopting or using a surrogate mother, but it had never been seriously contemplated. “So?” I wondered.

“We can use the sperm you stored and artificially inseminate a surrogate mother,” Chris explained.

“I would be the kid’s father?” I asked incredulous.

“In a manner of speaking,” Sarah allowed. “But for all intents and purposes, you would be the mother and Chris would be the father.”

“So, we just need to find a surrogate mother. How hard could that be?” I smirked.

“Well, that’s the thing. I think we’ve found one,” Chris smiled.

“Really? Where?” I asked dumbfounded and a little pissed that Chris discussed this with Sarah before me.
“Me,” Sarah said brightly.

I gave them blank looks. “You serious?” I asked.

“Absolutely. It’s best to keep it within the family. Why use a random egg when you can use mine?” Sarah said.
“I would be having a child with you,” I said obviously.

“Well, biologically yes, but legally speaking the child would be yours. I would swear off any paternity rights to the child,” Sarah said.

“Our kid’s mother will also be his or her aunt. Chris, do you realize how insane this sounds?” I asked.

“The child would never be told that Sarah is his or her real mother,” Chris said.

“The three of us would know. What if it leaks out somehow?” I asked.

“Then we deal with it when the time comes. Eventually, the child is going to know about you and how we came to be,” Chris said.

I pondered the situation. Sarah was the closest genetic relative to Chris. They were fraternal twins. If I wanted to have a child with Chris, with Chris’ DNA, this would be the way to do it. Until science could magically turn my sperm into eggs, this was my only option.

“Okay, so who would the surrogate mother be?” I asked.

“I would do that too,” Sarah replied.

“You’re joking. You would not only donate an egg, but you would carry the pregnancy to term. That’s nine months carrying a child that won’t be yours but kind of is yours,” I said astounded.

“Yes, but it’s alright, because I promise to give you and Chris full custody. My family knows a good lawyer. It won’t be a problem,” Sarah said.

“You do realize that surrogate mothers often have emotional attachments to children they give birth to. I can foresee a situation where you don’t want to give up the kid and then everything is fucked up,” I said.

“You have to trust me,” Sarah said.

“You’ve never had a kid before. You don’t know what you’re getting into,” I said.

“Well, there’s another part to this,” Chris began. “There’s a second deal on the table.”

“What?” I asked wondering what it could be.

“Sarah’s partner wants to have a child of her own, so we figured we would swap sperm,” Chris chuckled.

“Swap sperm,” I repeated.

“You’ve made some great gains in your appearance, but, biologically speaking, the two of you are still males. My partner and I are females. In order for us to have children with each other, we have to cooperate. So, I will give you two an egg and in return Chris will give us his sperm,” Sarah explained.

“Chris’ sperm would get your partner pregnant,” I realized.

“Exactly,” Sarah said.

This was nuts. My husband would be having a child with Sarah’s partner. It wasn’t technically incest, but it was getting damn close to it. What if their kid looked like Chris? What if my kid looked like Sarah? They were acting like Chris and Sarah were genetically identical and was nowhere near the case. Aside from sex chromosomes, the two of them could have genetic differences that could later manifest themselves in unforeseeable ways.

“You’re also missing an important piece to this. The two of us,” I said pointing to myself and Sarah. “Are fucked up.”
“How so?” Sarah asked politely.

“I’m a transsexual, and you’re a Lesbian. At least Chris here is normal,” I said.

“We’re all a little queer here,” Sarah said dryly.

I disagreed with the notion that Chris was queer at all. He was a totally straight man, but I let her continue. “There isn’t a discovered genetic link to transsexuality or homosexuality. Our kids have a very high chance of living normal lives. Even if they are queer, that’s okay,” Sarah said.

“You didn’t experience how I was treated by my parents and the outside world. You didn’t even come out until a few years ago,” I said.

“I am not going to dismiss your experience,” Sarah said annoyed. “But things are a lot different now. The children will be raised by us, not our parents. They will be raised in a much more tolerant environment. Just look at what has been achieved in the last few years.”

There was another issue at hand that I couldn’t tell Sarah about. As we all talked, Jake was whispering in my ears everything wrong with this plan. It was his job to give me the risks even as my heart loved the idea of having my own child regardless of who the biological mother was. Being a transsexual wasn’t the issue. I didn’t even know if I really was a transsexual considering how opposed Jack would have been to it. I never would have changed sex if he had not disappeared for five years. The real issue, the issue that scared me, was my own brain.

“It sounds good in theory. Of course, Chris and I will have to think about it,” I said.

Sarah took the hint and went for her purse. “There’s no rush,” she said politely. “Be in touch,” she said to Chris and walked out the door. Chris followed her to the parking lot and came back a few minutes later.

“Well, that did not go as I had expected,” he admitted.

“You were expecting me to shout with joy,” I asked.

“Kind of,” he said disappointed.

“Does she know how fucked up I am? Does she know that there’s more than one person in this head?” I said pointing to my forehead.

“What you have is a very rare condition. Maybe, the first of its kind. It’s very unlikely our child would have it,” Chris said.
“What if he or she does? What if the voices are mean? What if they tell him or her to kill people? Jacky and I have it good. We’re very functional relatively speaking. What if our child suffers his or her entire life with a personality that is aggressive and hateful?” I asked.

“So, you don’t want to have kids?” Chris asked.

“No, you’re the normal one, Chris. We can use your sperm, get a surrogate mother, and raise that kid as our own,” I said.

“I don’t like the idea of getting a random egg donor. I believe the child should be raised by members of the family. Your child, with my sister, will be my nephew or niece,” Chris said.

“That doesn’t sound creepy to you?” I asked.

“I think you should discuss it with Jacky. She may think differently,” Chris said.

“Fuck him…I mean her. Look, she wasn’t around for five years. I graduated from the university, I got a job, I got married, and I will decide about this child. I won’t let Jacky interfere with my life. If she hadn’t left for five years, I wouldn’t be here,” I said angrily.

“I only ask that you consult her,” Chris said flatly.

“Her input, at the very least, could be interesting,” Jake said to me.

“I have a counter proposal. We use your sperm and Sarah’s partner to create two pregnancies back-to-back. One of the kids will go to them and the other kid will go to us,” I said.

Chris nodded. “I will discuss it with them.”

“In the meantime, we should get a genetic background check on Sarah’s partner,” I said.

***

My name is Jack, and I am completely oblivious as to why Chris is giving me such a haunted look at the breakfast table. I did notice that I was in Jill’s pink pajamas when I woke up. After quickly changing out of them, I removed the wedding ring and put on the stupid black ring.

“So, something went down between you two?” I asked.

Jill was pacing irritably in the kitchen. “There’s something that I feel you should be consulted about,” Chris said.
“Don’t listen to a word he says,” Jill spat.

This only intrigued me. “What’s up…bro?” I asked condescendingly.

He proceeded to tell me about the plan. “So, what do you think?” he asked.

“Honestly, I have mixed feelings being a ‘mother’ to a kid. I always thought I would be a father one day. Play catch with the boy or threaten to kill the girl’s boyfriend,” I said reflectively.

“You still can do that. Gender roles are not as rigid as during our parent’s generation,” he said.

“Yeah, sure, because a boy is going to want to fish, hunt, and play ball with his mother,” I said disdainfully.

“It could be a girl,” Chris said brightly.

“That just makes it worse. I don’t know how to handle a little girl. It’s a totally different world,” I said.

“The three of us, myself, you, and Jill can do this,” he said confidently.

“What if the kid turns out to be a freak…like me. Then what?” I asked.

“Jill had the same concern,” Chris admitted.

“What if Sarah doesn’t give up the kid like she says she will and then we divorce. Your sister could fuck me over with child support payments, while I am working in corporate America as a woman,” I said.

“She won’t do that,” Chris said.

I sighed. “I’m down with it. Fuck it. I always wanted a male heir,” I said.

“It could still be a girl,” Chris reminded me.

“Yeah, and in twenty years, I am sure they will develop a fully functional penis for female-to-male sex changes,” I said.
Chris simply stared at me. “Only joking,” I said. “If we had a girl, I wouldn’t want her to have a penis…unless she wanted one, of course.”

“Right, so, you seem on board,” Chris summarized.

“Man, I have been out of the game for a while. This isn’t my life anymore. I am just a passenger on this ride,” I said honestly.

“That isn’t true,” Chris said.

“Yes, it is. You don’t need to consult me for shit, alright,” I said. “You want to do this thing, you have to convince Jill.”

***

My name is Jill, and I am pissed. Jacky could have easily vetoed Chris’ plan but punted it back to me. “I am going to get her back for this,” I said.

“Like what? She has nothing,” Jake said.

“Oh, I have an idea,” I said as it popped into my head.

“I do not endorse this course of action,” Jake warned.

“Oh, it’s going to be fun,” I said. I took off my wedding ring and put on the black ring. It was against the rules between us to impersonate the other to Chris, but I didn’t give a fuck at that moment. I made my hair messy, washed my face, and strolled out into the living room without wearing a bra.

“That’s weird. I figured it would be Jill’s turn?” Chris said.

“We switch it up every so often,” I said using a slightly deeper voice tone.

“So, what shall we do today?” Chris asked.

“I want to go to my high school reunion,” I said.

“Is that today? Well, have fun,” Chris said.

“I want you to come with me,” I added.

“What changed your mind?” Chris wondered.

I got closer to Chris making him slightly uncomfortable. “I want them all to know I am a woman now and that you are my husband. I want those single mothers and divorced women to know that I succeeded where they failed when it came to being a woman,” I said arrogantly.

“Well, I see your point. If you want me to go, I’ll come,” Chris obliged.

“I won’t take long,” I promised leaving Chris very confused.

Chris drove me to the park where the reunion was to take place. I had straightened out my hair, put make-up on, and was in a black dress. As Chris drove, I purposefully fell asleep and allowed Jacky to surface.

***

My name is Jacky, and I awoke to find myself in a dress and in Chris’ car. “Rise and shine,” Jill said from the backseat.

I held my tongue as I assessed the situation. I looked down and saw the black ring on my finger. Jill had impersonated me for some reason. I was wearing sunglasses, so Chris wouldn’t know I had dozed off. I looked around and saw a familiar park. This was the reunion!

I considered my options. I could tell Chris to go back home and create marital strife, or I could just go through with it. After a brief contemplation, I decided to just get it over with. I was entitled to some bragging rights. I had graduated from a university and had a good job. The fuck did you do?

My original plan was to look like a man so no one would notice my sex change. Chris wasn’t even supposed to be present. Obviously, Jill decided to fuck everything up.

“You would be right,” Jill said.

I gave her the middle finger out of Chris’ view. “Shall we?” he asked me once we were parked.

“Yeah, sure,” I said getting out of the car.

“If you feel uncomfortable at all, we can leave,” Chris assured me.

“I may have lost my balls, but I am no coward,” I said rudely.

The two of us went up a small hill and immediately I started recognizing my high school classmates. If I didn’t remember who they were, Jill did. She had seen the guest list and had memorized every name and face.

Those who saw me attempted to place me but couldn’t. I was from a small high school class, and everyone knew each other well. Chris and I didn’t walk together, so many presumed I was the wife of an unknown classmate and that Chris was the husband of an unknown classmate. The trick worked for a good while, as I eavesdropped on a collection of female classmates.

As predicted, they discussed their weddings and children. Some of the women had married shortly after graduating high school and had young children. One of them was noticeably pregnant. Their discussions didn’t interest me, but it would have been unseemly to invade the boy’s circle. They were discussing more interesting things like football, cars, politics, and the economy.

Eventually, I bumped into a familiar-looking man. “Jack?” he said as he looked at me.

I simply stared. Greg was my best friend in high school. We parted ways when he ended up studying on the West Coast. We kept in touch up until the accident. Jill had not kept the correspondence alive. Even so, I couldn’t believe he could detect me.

“You must have me confused with someone else,” I said to him.

“Oh my God, we got Jack here!” Greg shouted for everyone to hear.

“Shut the fuck up, Greg!” I hissed as people started giving me weird looks.

“See, no one cares,” Greg said nonchalant. “How come you stopped taking my calls?”

“I was in an accident five years ago, and it fucked me up,” I said truthfully.

“I read about it on your Facebook profile, but it seemed you had recovered,” Greg said.

“Not all the way,” I replied.

“Well, glad you could make it,” Greg said cheerfully giving me a pat on the shoulder.

Chris came over to help me out but made matters worse. “Is this your husband?” Greg asked.

“Yes, my name is Chris,” Chris said shaking Greg’s hand.

“Wow, if I knew you were into men things could have been a lot different in high school,” Greg smiled.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I demanded.

“I’m gay,” Greg exclaimed.

I simply stared at him. I had no idea. He never dated in high school, but I figured that was because he was a nerd. “That’s interesting. If you two had none the truth about each other, you could have dated in high school,” Chris mused.

“Well, sort of. I had no idea Jack was a woman deep inside. We all have our paths,” Greg said.

There was so much wrong with this. I wasn’t a woman at all. I was a straight boy in high school, and I had sex with girls. I would never have been with Greg even if I had stayed a man, because I wasn’t gay. Greg’s partner came over and gave him a peck on the cheek. I was so incredulous at this point. The only explanation was that the Bay Area had turned him gay.

“When did you know you were gay?” I asked bluntly.

“Honey, he has always been gay from the beginning,” his partner said to me.

“Do you go by Jacky?” Greg asked. I simply nodded. “So, I had felt this way all throughout high school, but I never told anyone about it. I should have told you, but I didn’t think you would be ready for it,” Greg said.

“Wait…you suck his cock?” I asked Greg point-blank.

“And more,” his partner answered for him.

Fuck! If I had known, I could have hooked up with Greg and been his gay lover. It would have been far better than getting a sex change and marrying a man anyway. It would have been an ideal compromise. I could stay a man, and Jill would have her man.

“He’s not really my type,” Jill said interrupting my thoughts.

I couldn’t tell her to shut up without making myself look crazy. Chris seemed to notice the wheels in my head turning. A female classmate named Ashley and an unknown woman approached. Ashley was one of the girls I had fucked my junior year. We didn’t have a relationship per se outside the physical.

“Of course, this makes perfect sense,” Ashley said.

“What makes sense?” I asked disturbed by her presence.

“The only reason I let you touch me was because you were actually a woman deep inside. That’s what I sensed about you,” she said.

My mind immediately registered that they were a Lesbian couple. I had no idea Ashley was a Lesbian although it was true that I was the only guy she had slept with. My mind wandered as I imagined Ashley and her partner getting it on.

“Focus!” Jill said to me.

“Right…,” I allowed.

“You look great. I wouldn’t have even recognized you if Greg hadn’t pointed it out,” Ashley continued.

“Thanks, Greg,” I muttered.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We have all had our journey of discovery,” Greg said.

There was no discovery. I was a perfectly straight man with a lovely woman who was also straight and then after a five-year coma woke up as a woman engaged to a man. There was no journey in any of this. “The accident gave me perspective,” I said vaguely.

“I read about it on your Facebook page, very sad,” Ashley remarked.

“So, how is the Bay Area weather treating you?” Chris asked changing the subject. Greg went on about the weather, then talked about real estate, and other topics. I wasn’t really listening. Greg was someone I had respected for his intelligence and sharp wit. Unlike me, he was able to keep it together, as I struggled to reconcile my needs with that of Jill’s. But now…I found out that he sleeps with a man and allows a cock up his ass. I couldn’t deal with it.

“So, we’re expecting,” Ashley said cheerfully referring to her pregnant partner.

“That’s very interesting. How was the process for you?” Chris asked curiously.

“Well, we did it the old-fashioned way,” Ashley said vaguely.

“Old-fashioned?” Chris wondered.

“My brother came over and fucked her a few times. It’s so we can keep it all in the family,” Ashley said.

“Makes sense,” Chris allowed.

“I need a time-out,” I said to the group and went back towards the car.

***

Once I was out of ear-shot of everyone, I demanded answers from Jill. “You knew about this,” I accused.

“Of course, I did,” she replied. “I scanned everyone’s Facebook profile for their life story. You would be amazed what kind of information people put online.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I demanded angrily.

“You didn’t ask,” she replied.

“You have access to all my memories, but I don’t have access to yours. You have to help me out,” I said.
“I thought it more interesting for you to find out yourself. You always feared Greg’s disapproval. He’s just as queer as you are, perhaps more so,” she said.

“I can’t believe it. My whole life is a lie,” I said.

“Don’t be a drama queen,” Jill scolded.

“It’s like I was meant to be a woman from the very beginning. I could have still been friends with Greg, because he was gay and there would be no sexual tension between us. I could still sleep with Ashley, because she was a Lesbian the whole time. Everything fits except me being who I was,” I said.

“Well, I told you so,” Jill replied.

“What would things have been like if I had transitioned in my teens?” I wondered.

“It’s a moot point. Our parents would never have allowed it. They gave me a ton of shit about transitioning after the accident. If you think they would have allowed it during our teens, you’re fucking high,” Jill said.

I went back up the hill and found Chris still conversing with Greg and Ashley. “It’s interesting that you identify as a perfectly straight man given the circumstances,” Greg said of Chris.

“Well, after my sister came out, I consider myself a straight ally of sort,” Chris replied.

I decided to move away from that crowd and was confronted by the school bully. “I always knew you were a fag,” he said rudely.

“And you didn’t warn me? What the fuck, man?” I asked. “This was the last thing I wanted.”

“Oh yeah, what happened?” the bully asked.

“I got into a car accident,” I said.

“A car accident turned you into a fag?” he asked.

“Yeah, the next day I wanted to be a girl,” I said.

He seemed to ponder this. “Tough break, man. Maybe I should stop racing,” he said concerned. “I don’t want to get what you got,” he said.

“You watch Football at all?” I asked.

“Of course. I’ll watch any game except the Patriots. They suck,” he said.

I smiled. “That we can agree on.”

The bully brought me over to his other male friends I vaguely remembered. They were all previous jocks and current losers of society. “This chick is alright,” the bully assured them.

“Are you the boy that got a sex-change?” one of them mocked.

“I was always a girl. I just dressed up as boy,” I lied.

“Oh yeah?” the idiots said impressed.

“Let me tell you how it went down with Ashley,” I began and proceeded to give a very detailed account of Lesbian sex.

By the end of the reunion, the jock crowd thought I was the coolest chick in high school. “Fuckin retards,” I muttered as I went back to Chris.

“You good?” Chris asked me.

“Yeah,” I said mentally exhausted.

“We’re flying back to the Bay tomorrow. We should stay in touch,” Greg said.

“Yeah, sure,” I replied.

***

I entered the car uncertain as to whether this high school reunion was worth it. Some things are better left unsaid. “Well, that was a lot more interesting than I thought it would be,” Chris remarked.

“Let’s go home,” I said exhausted.

Once we got home, Chris decided to take a nap. I couldn’t blame him. It must have been an awkward and boring affair for him. I sat in my arm chair in silent contemplation. I was still in my dress. My old self would have torn it off at the soonest opportunity. I had imagined Greg being disappointed or amused by me indulging Jill’s desires. My parents, although resistant at first, had allowed this to happen. They even funded it and helped pay for the wedding so that their son could marry another man. Everything that was certain in the past was no longer.

I got out of my dress and walked silently into the bedroom where Chris was sleeping. Greg was getting laid all the time by his attentive male partner. Why did he get to have all the fun? Why must I suffer because of principle? What if Chris rejected me?

I went over to the bed dressed in my black underwear and sat on the bed next to him. “Jill?” Chris wondered.

“No,” I replied.

“What’s wrong?” Chris asked.

“I have been denying myself too long. I want to go all the way,” I said to him.

“You sure?” Chris asked concerned for my slipping sanity.

“Yeah,” I said and then peeled away his boxer shorts.

I had seen his penis before on our wedding night and occasionally when he would exit the shower. It didn’t surprise me, but it would be the first time I would hold it willingly. I was not forced by social necessity. I was initiating it. I cautiously stroked him hoping I wasn’t hurting him. As he became long and hard, I was filled with anticipation and dread. Could I really do this?

I could. I was always meant to be a woman, to be a sister to Jill. Even if it wasn’t true, the fantasy of it couldn’t be denied. I was a woman now and would forever be. I could make my past as female as my future if I wanted it to be. I lowered my lips onto Chris’ cock and completely surrendered.

If Chris had any reservations about having sex, they were gone now. I got him good and hard sucking on him like it were a lollipop. I hoped I was doing it right. Jill was absent from my mind giving me space to navigate this strange territory on my own.

“Okay, I want to be on top,” I insisted.

“Sure,” Chris agreed.

I got closer to him and awkwardly positioned myself over him. I had the same muscles as Jill. If she could do this, I could as well. I cautiously lowered myself down on him only to have his penis slide in front of my thigh.
“It’s okay. Let me help,” Chris said as we finally got his penis in the right position. It then slid inside my body all the way to the hilt.

“Not too difficult,” I said as I adjusted myself.

“Okay, go slow,” Chris advised me.

“Right,” I agreed.

At first, I did take it slow moving my hips up and down. Eventually, I sped up the pace, and his penis came out. I struggled to get it back in and failed a number of times. “Fuck it,” I said exasperated.

“It’s going to take practice,” Chris said.

“You know what? Take over,” I said to him.

“You really mean it?” Chris asked.

“Yeah. I’m not in the mood to practice right now,” I said annoyed.

“Okay,” Chris shrugged.

Chris quickly took hold of me and placed me on the bottom. With expert ease, he was inside me. He rubbed my clit as he thrust hard. It wasn’t as magical as our wedding night, but it did feel pretty good. As he dominated my body, I tried to rationalize it in my head. It was no different than wrestling where one partner dominates the other in practice, right?

No, I was a woman being fucked by a man. There was no denying it. He was doing all the right things with his hands massaging my nipples as he repeatedly did the alphabet on my clit. I really was a sexual failure. I wouldn’t even cut it as a gay man. Even Jill could please a woman better than I could.

Chris was nearly double my body weight and it showed. His muscles gave him awesome stamina. I felt tremors going through me. I was too unaccustomed to this body to know if they were orgasms. I just didn’t want it to end, but I wasn’t going to do embarrass myself further by crying out. Eventually, Chris came inside me with masculine grunts.

The roller coaster was over. He had finally cum and that meant the end of it. I felt so relieved. After a few moments of sighing, Chris gave me a smile. “You okay?” he asked.

“Sure,” I replied.

“Okay, okay. Let’s keep going then,” he said and began to move again.

What? No way he could keep going after an orgasm. Sure enough, Chris kept going for a few minutes longer until eventually softening. He withdrew from me and gave me a sheepish look. “You have fun?” he asked.

He was treating sex like it was a sport. Like, we had just finished a wrestling spar. “Yeah, that was cool,” I said lamely.

“I don’t mind doing this more often, Jacky. We don’t see it as cheating, and I know you have needs as well,” Chris said.

“It’s just my pride is a little damaged, you know. You’re so much better than I was,” I said softly. “I was so bad that my girlfriend became a Lesbian.”

“That isn’t how it works,” Chris said. “What she said didn’t make sense either. Back then, you were a man, no dispute. In a way, you still are. There’s a world of difference between you and Jill,” Chris said.

“Why would you have sex with a man then?” I asked.

“You look hawt,” Chris said simply. “Even when you don’t put on make-up, have your hair completely wild, and put on the wrong clothes it’s really attractive. You look like an animal sometimes,” Chris smirked.

An animal? Yes, that was the key. I was thinking way too much. I just needed to be more like an animal and just fuck.

Once I got that down, then I could think about higher thoughts. “Thanks, Chris,” I said appreciatively.

***

My name is Jill, and I was enjoying a warm tea while in my pink pajamas in my arm chair. With my laptop on my lap, I was watching the funniest video. At one point, I nearly spit out my tea. I was watching a very naked Jacky attempting to ride Chris on the bed. After a number of failed attempts, Chris took over.

I reached underneath my pajama bottoms to stroke myself as Chris plowed Jacky. Some would say this was wrong. They would say I was being a narcissist watching my own porn video even if my mind wasn’t in control at the time. Perhaps, some would even wonder whether this was any different filming my twin having sex. Jacky had no idea that I had set up a camera in the bedroom. While her conscious mind wasn’t aware of it, she had triggered the camera in the closet. If she didn’t want to be filled, she should have turned the lights off.

“Is that really fair?” Jake wondered.

“What better way than to learn from one’s mistakes,” I said as I took the burned disc out of laptop. I wrote Jacky on the disc to distinguish from my own. I wouldn’t be caught dead owning this disc.

“You were not much better in the beginning,” Jake reminded me.

“What I did with Nicki is classified. No one needs to know,” I said dismissively.

I went to a safe in the closet, opened the safe, and placed the disk inside. This secret safe contained dozens of our sex videos. Each disc had a date and location on it. I had been recording videos since the sex change. Chris was aware of my need to video everything as long as it remained private and private meant that not even Jacky could know about it. Jake was right though. I shouldn’t be too judgmental of Jacky. The first couple times using my vagina had been a little hilarious. I picked one of the early discs, closed the safe, and enjoyed myself.

***

My name is Jack, and I awoke in my arm chair. I looked down and saw myself in pink pajamas. Why did it have to be pink? Black fit both genders nicely. Hell, women could wear any color and be perfectly fine. I closed my eyes and tried to accept it. Pink is good now, pink is good now.

Fuck it

I eyeballed the laptop in my lap and did a double take. “What the?” I wondered.

I stared at the movie player and saw a frozen image of a naked Chris and myself on the bed. “Leave it alone,” Jill said anxiously.

“What’s this?” I asked as I played the video.

Jill sighed as I watched Jill aggressively suck Chris’ cock. In spite of myself, I felt aroused. Was I aroused at myself for being an attractive woman or aroused at the naked male that was Chris. How could I be aroused at myself?

“Stop it!” Jill shouted at me.

I put the video on pause. “What’s up with this?” I asked.

“I occasionally film us during sex. It’s perfectly normal,” she said.

“Normalcy isn’t our strong suit,” I told her. “You should be more careful next time when you doze off,” I said.

“Who else would see it?” she asked sarcastically.

“Wait, Chris knows about this?” I asked surprised.

“Of course, he does. You must really think I’m insane,” Jill spat.

“Well, as long as I wasn’t filmed…,” I said and then stared at Jill.

“What?” she asked flustered.

“Did you film me?” I demanded.

“No,” she said immediately.

“Where did you get this?” I wondered.

“Somewhere. It’s none of your business,” she said.

“So, you don’t mind if I destroy it,” I said bending the disc slightly.

“Go right ahead. I have dozens more,” she said and then quickly regretted saying so.

“Dozens?” I wondered.

“Put it back in the laptop, and I will put it where it belongs later,” she ordered.

“Fine, whatever,” I said putting the disc back into the laptop. “You respect my privacy, and I respect yours,” I said.

“You’re not in a position to bargain, Jacky,” she said scornfully.

I tensed up hating my new female name. “Look, don’t be a…bitch,” I said boldly.

“You think because you’re female now, you can call me that word. Grow up,” she said.

“I could call you worse,” I threatened.

“You wouldn’t dare,” she mocked.

“Let’s see what other secrets you have,” I said and then began searching the other bedroom. Supposedly, it was used for storage, but I quickly found a number of Halloween costumes. There was a cop, bandit, cowboy, Indian, navy uniform for both sexes, star trek uniforms for both sexes, and other costumes.

“What the fuck is this?” I wondered.

I then found a shelf of perfectly organized collection of lubricants, condoms, sex-toys, black leather, and masks. “Why condoms?” I asked.

“They’re edible,” Jill replied.

“What is all this?” I asked shocked.

“For nearly twenty-five years, my desires were repressed. So, when I finally got myself a man I went all out,” she said.
“Jesus,” I muttered.

“Look. All you needed was a good yank. I needed something more,” Jill explained.

I looked around and saw a box filled with baby clothes. “Is this part of the fantasy too?” I asked and then stopped myself.

I stared at Jill. She gave me a look of sadness and shame. “When I make love to Chris, I try to imagine that it’s possible to get pregnant. When he cums inside me, he tells me this will be the time. It’s going to happen this time. I know it never will, but I like it when he says it,” she said.

I looked back at the baby clothes collected. “Jill, I’m sorry we were born a boy,” I said sympathetically.

“Don’t say that. We had a lot of fun being a boy all those years,” she said.

“I don’t have any right to interfere with all of this. Sorry, I intruded,” I said sincerely and left the room.

“This isn’t just me. It’s for you too,” Jill said to me.

“I’m not there yet,” I shook my head.

“You will,” Jill assured me.

***

My name is Jill, and I decided it was time to get a new perspective on whether to reproduce with Sarah. I went into the church and appreciated not immediately being lit on fire. The Protestant minister approached me warmly, and we both took a seat in the pews.

“So, I came to ask you your opinion on a sensitive matter. I’m thinking of having a child with my husband but there’s a problem with it. I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do,” I said.

“What’s the problem in creating new life?” the minister asked.

“Right…well, I’m…mentally ill. I hear voices in my head, and I can see people that are not there,” I said.

The minister nodded thoughtfully. “You believe this could be hereditary?” he assumed.

“Right and that would mean my child could be inflicted with it as well,” I said.

“Do you feel you are suffering from this condition?” the minister asked concerned.

“Actually, the other personalities have been very helpful to me,” I said.

“What do they think about this idea?” the minister asked.

“Well, it doesn’t matter what they think. I’m in charge,” I said hoping I didn’t sound too insane.

“I understand,” the minister said.

“My child may not be so lucky. The child could suffer from hostile voices and thoughts. The child could grow up to be fucked up, basically,” I said attempting to articulate my thoughts.

“You know, Martin Luther believed that every individual was essentially horse shit covered in snow,” the minister recited.

There was an awkward pause between us. “And?” I asked hoping he would elaborate.

“We’re all fucked up. Some of us more than others but there is nothing we do in this life that can be considered good to God. We’re all a bunch of fuck ups,” the minister continued.

I nodded absorbing this interesting perspective. “The only thing that saves us is our faith. Faith is the snow that covers the horse shit. Your child could be a raving lunatic, a murderer, a thief, a rapist, etc, but if he has faith he will be saved,” the minister said.

“What about everyone else that suffers because of my child?” I asked.

“After the fall, Adam and Eve must have questioned whether bringing a new life into the world would be the right thing. Their first-born son was a murderer, their second son a victim of that murder, and their third son’s lineage would eventually become corrupted too. But from all this evil and chaos came Noah who would save humanity. We can never know what the future will bring. We just have to trust in God and each other,” the minister said.

“Thanks,” I said still uncertain.

“You’ll do fine. I have faith in you,” the minister smiled.

***

My name is Jacky, and I was still working out my sexuality. I decided to watch a show on the Discovery channel that was about lions. It showed a pride of lionesses taking down prey and even a mating scene. Despite the male lion being far larger, he generally did nothing all day allowing the lionesses to hunt and take care of the cubs for him.

“Lazy ass,” I remarked.

“There are plenty of species where the female is the better hunter like spiders, sharks, hawks…,” she listed off.

“Jill, you’re trying too hard,” I said depressed.

Every movie I watched generally had the man as the hero and the woman as the damsel in distress. All the commercials had women talking about cooking, cleaning, and child products. A number of comedy shows had the husband being a doofus and the wife being the genius. I felt defensive about my former gender and didn’t feel empowered.

I continued to watch a male lion hump the lioness. Maybe that was it. I needed to be more like an animal and stop thinking about my problems.

“Chris?” I called out.

“You need something?” he asked coming into the room.

I turned off the TV and stood up. “Yeah, your dick,” I said.

Chris, like all men, would never turn down legitimate sex. We quickly took off our clothes and then I told him my intentions. “I want you to be rough and animalistic,” I said to him.

“Okay,” he agreed.

I got on all fours and waited patiently for him to plunge inside me. He took hold of my hips and slid all the way in. He was gentle at first and rubbed my clit. I could tell that he just wanted to “help” me rather than any real affection.

“Chris, get on all fours like me and get on top of me,” I instructed.

“Sure,” he said changing position.

I could feel the added weight but it was worth it. He slammed into me forcefully like a beast. I tried to imagine myself as a lioness. There was nothing funny or lame about that. A lioness was a killer. It was the male lion that was pathetically useless. Yes, I was in charge. I just needed Chris for his seed.

My breasts shook and my hair was a mess from our motions. My muscles strained and then collapsed so that I was on my stomach. “You okay?” he asked me.

“Keep going,” I said raising my hips.

He obliged and got on top of me. Within a few minutes, he came inside me. We hadn’t kissed or caressed each other. It was just pure penetration. “Thanks,” I said as he got off of me.

***

Chris and I went over to the fertility clinic to sign paperwork with Sarah and Barbara. The Lesbian couple seemed ecstatic at the prospect of getting pregnant at the same time. Despite my misgivings, I signed the paperwork. Within a month, both Sarah and Barbara were pregnant.

“What have I done?” I realized.

“We’re creating a new family,” Chris said.

“I’ll be a father,” I muttered.

“No, Jill. You are a mother now, and you always will be,” Chris said kissing me tenderly.

“I can’t give birth. I can’t breast feed,” I listed off.

“For the rest of your life, our kid is going to call you mom,” Chris reminded me. “And when he or she has kid, they will call you grandma.”

“What if the kid finds out?” I asked fearfully.

“It won’t be the end of the world. We will always be their parents,” Chris said.

***

During all this time, I still went to work. Jacky and I would exchange places throughout the week with me taking Monday through Thursday and Jacky taking Friday. The arrangement gave me more time with Chris, but it did add extra complications with my co-workers.

“Hey, you want to come to the restroom. Stan and I need an unbiased judge to determine which one of us has a longer dick,” Fred said.

“I got a better idea. Here’s some tape, so you can blindfold yourselves and then jerk each other off,” I replied annoyed.

Fred didn’t appreciate the suggestion and wandered off. When Jacky came to work, she obviously had a different approach to our male co-workers. Often, they would forget what day it was and offer to tell me about their sex lives. At first, my transsexuality was a guarded secret between the boss and I, but Jacky decided to tell a number of male co-workers and the rumor spread like a wildfire.

“You should report those guys,” an eavesdropping female co-worker said to me.

“What’s the point? I’ll simply deny it tomorrow,” I said absent mindedly.

“Why would you do that?” she asked.

“Look, just pay attention to your own cubicle,” I told her.

***

My name is Jacky, and I could not ask for better co-workers. Jill would associate more with her female co-workers, while I exclusively chatted with the men. We discussed football, politics, and female co-workers. We had a lot of good talks in the male restroom.

“It must be a Friday!” Fred said as I entered.

I always worked on Fridays to give Jill the day off. My male co-workers apparently discovered I would show up with a different personality depending on the day. “It won’t mean anything if we don’t get our work done. The boss is threatening to make us work on Saturday,” I said.

“No way. The boss has something special planned tonight,” Fred said eagerly.

“What’s a woman doing here? Oh, it’s you,” Stan said as he exited a stall.

“Courtesy of state law,” I smirked referring to a new law that required people to use the restroom of their birth sex.

“I don’t really need to shit. I just need to jack off,” Ryan said as he strolled in.

“Carry on,” Fred and Stan said together.

“Yeah, the boss wants to see us all around four. He’ll announce it then,” Fred continued.

Carl then entered the restroom and gave me an odd look. “Why is she here? This is against company policy. I don’t understand,” he murmured pathetically.

“Carl, she has more of a right to be here than you. You have bigger tits than she does,” Fred said insultingly.

“Get out of here, you fat fuck,” Stan chimed in.

“Okay, but the boss will hear of this,” Carl said as he walked out.

“Jesus, I’m going to get an EO complaint for this, aren’t I,” Stan wondered.

“Did any of us see or hear anything?” Fred asked.

We all put our hands on our eyes, ears, and mouths like the three monkeys. “So, you going to play some paintball with us at the company retreat?” Fred asked changing the subject.

“Sure,” I agreed.

“No shooting us in the balls,” Stan reminded me.

“I wouldn’t do that,” I assured them.

Stan went over to one of the stalls and kicked it. “Hurry up in there.”

“It would be easier if you would all shut the fuck up,” Ryan replied.

“He does have a point,” Fred said and then led us out of the restroom.

***

The boss arranged a meeting with only male subordinates except me. He even ushered his secretary out of the room. It was a real shame that we feared our own female co-workers more than the competition or corporate spies. Being female, I was practically immune.

“So, gentlemen and lady, it has come to my attention that one of you is going to be a father,” the boss announced.

“Shit!” Stan blurted out.

“Not you,” the boss said annoyed at being interrupted. “I’m referring to Jill.”

The room clapped for my success. “Thanks, guys,” I said a little embarrassed.

“Isn’t the mother your sister-in-law,” Fred asked curiously.

“Yeah,” I said nonchalant.

“So, why didn’t you hook up with her?” Fred continued.

“Because she’s a Lesbian,” I replied.

“But you’re Bi, right?” Fred asked.

“Look, I tried and it didn’t work out,” I said delicately.

“You dated your sister-in-law?” Stan asked confused.

“Look, I don’t care to discuss my life story,” I said defensively.

“Ahem,” the boss said regaining control of the meeting. “So, in honor of this achievement, I have decided that we are all going to the Juicy Lucy to celebrate.”

“Hell, yeah,” the male co-workers cheered.

***

The Juicy Lucy was a well-known strip club downtown. I insisted we go immediately, so everyone came down still in their work clothes. The last thing I needed was to doze off in a strip club and have Jill take over. Carl wasn’t invited, since he was a total square. The boss took care of our entrance fees except for me, because I didn’t need to pay.

We got ourselves a table and got pitchers of beer. “Sure, you don’t want a bottle of wine?” Fred teased.

“Fuck off,” I replied.

We clinked our beer pitchers and drank them down. I knew what I could handle back when I was a guy, but Jill had dramatically altered my body. I weighed less, fat distribution was different, and she typically didn’t drink so my tolerance level was a lot lower now.

As I watched the nearly naked women dance around a pole, I felt a thrill go through me. If I still had my dick, it would be rock hard. Instead, I felt a frustration that couldn’t be relieved by just jerking one off in the bathroom.
We took turns getting a lap dance and drinking alcohol. It became apparent early on that I was becoming intoxicated a lot quicker than the guys. I began to talk about things I shouldn’t.

“So, I am not really attracted to the guy, but he has needs you know,” I said referring to Chris. “Divorce or cheating isn’t an option,” I added.

“Yeah, divorce and cheating are the worse. Most divorces are filed by women,” Fred said bitterly.

“It’s a violation of the bro code,” Ryan added.

“The bro code doesn’t apply in this case,” Stan said obnoxiously.

“Fuck it doesn’t,” Ryan protested. “Look, even though you got yourself a pretty face, some boobs, and you cut off your cock…,” he said.

“I didn’t cut it off. I inverted it,” I corrected.

“Inverted?” Stan wondered.

“Turned it inside out, dumbass,” I said annoyed.

“Turned your cock inside out? Oh God!” he said as he ran to the bathroom to hurl.

“Anyway, as I was saying,” Ryan continued. “A part of you is still a bro. That’s why we gel so well. It’s why we’re all here at this strip club and not some pansy ass baby shower.”

“Alright, alright,” I said agreeing so far.

“So, you have to give Chris some of that warm pussy. You can’t starve the man. He has needs. You have to fulfill those needs, because no one else can. The spirit of the bro code is to protect and serve other bros,” Ryan said.

“Ryan, that sounded very homosexual,” Fred noted.

“Fuck you. You know it’s true. We men have to stick together or women will divide us,” Ryan said.

“Well, why don’t we all turn gay? Then, no woman will divide us. We’ll just suck each other off in the bathroom at work every day,” Fred said skeptically.

“This is a special case. She’s married to a man. If you were married to man, it would apply to you,” Ryan argued.

“No, it wouldn’t, because I would make him my bitch,” Fred said.

“You would make him your bitch? Really? I think it would be the other way around,” Ryan shot back.

“How about I make you my bitch right now,” Fred said raising his voice.

The two argued with each other as Stan came back. “Did I miss something?” he asked.

“Yeah, it was very thought provoking,” I admitted.

“I’m sorry, man,” Fred said clutching Ryan’s shoulders.

“It’s okay, man,” Ryan replied and then separated.

“Bunch of queers,” Stan shook his head. “Even Jill here is straighter than you fucks,” he added.

“Thanks,” I said appreciating the compliment.

“It’s your turn. Make us proud,” Stan said to me.

I went upstairs and entered the lap dance room. “You don’t have to do this,” Jill said to me.

“Wow, you’ve been actually here this whole time,” I realized.

“I’m always with you,” she said obviously.

“Look, I’ll pay Chris back for this,” I assured her.

“Sex isn’t a currency,” Jill said annoyed.

“Just enjoy this,” I said as the stripper approached me.

She did a really good job especially since she didn’t regularly entertain other women. That made it all that much harder for her. A typical woman would notice imperfections and tiny details that a horny man would miss. She tried extra hard for me, and I was mesmerized. Jill stayed quiet in the background allowing me to enjoy the moment.

After it was over, I felt a bit over saturated with the female body. I woke up in a female body, showered in a female body, played with my boobs all day, watched Lesbian porn, and was now receiving a female lap dance. It was becoming too much. There was too much of a good thing, and I was starting to get bored with them. Other than sex appeal, I didn’t have much in common with them.

I went back to my group and my drunken mind started to see them as attractive. “Oh God, I’m turning gay,” I realized.

“Don’t be dramatic,” Jill said to me. “You’ve been drinking too much.”

I came back to my table and had another drink. As soon as I did, my head hit the table.

***

My name is Jill, and I am apparently at a strip club courtesy of my loving and understanding boss. My eyes shot open, and I immediately felt intoxicated. I looked at my freaked out male co-workers. “I’m fine,” I said to them.

“Holy shit. We thought you were out cold,” Stan remarked.

“Nah, I’m fine,” I repeated.

“But I should be going soon. You guys have been the best.” I said as I called a cab.

Once the cab arrived, I thanked my boss and male co-workers for a wonderful evening. Although wide awake, the alcohol was taking its toll. It would take all night to detoxify myself. I stumbled my way to my door and came inside.
I found Chris in bed reading a book. He noticed my drunken state and gave me a surprised look. I collapsed myself on the bed. “Chris, I have been a naughty girl,” I confessed.

“Oh?” Chris wondered.

“I need to be punished,” I said repentant.

Chris merely shook his head in mock disappointment, reached beneath the bed, and got out the paddle.

***

I woke up sober but feeling really sore on my butt. I figured Jill had just fallen on the floor at the strip club. How embarrassing for her. Chris was in a deep sleep, so I decided not to wake him. I thought long and hard what Ryan had said at the club. It wasn’t fair to Chris that his wife was only affectionate half the time. I began to list some things I would want if I were in his position. It wasn’t because I wanted to or felt motivated sexually to do so. It was just a matter of principle, the bro code.

Once he woke up, I was ready for him in the bed. As soon as his eyes opened, I kissed him good. It actually felt pleasurable, so I kept going. I put my tongue into it and reached for his penis. In spite of himself, he was getting hard under my touch.

“Jill?” he wondered.

“Not here right now,” I answered.

For a long moment, I kissed him passionately while rubbing him. I then lowered his boxers and started sucking on his cock. I must have done well, because he tried to stop me soon thereafter. “Jacky, I’m going to cum,” he warned.
I didn’t care. This wasn’t about me. I let him pulse into my mouth. I tried not to gag and shallowed it all. Then, I continued licking him creating an immediate reaction. His penis was super-sensitive, and I knew it. He tensed up and grunted as I continued to service him. Once he was no longer sensitive, I finally withdrew.

“Wow, Jacky,” he said impressed. “Let me do something for you.”

“Not this time. This isn’t a quid pro quo, Chris. I don’t want to be your fuck buddy anymore. I want to be a loving wife, because, back in the day, I would have wanted a loving wife,” I said.

“That’s very gracious,” Chris began.

“I know I’ll never replace Jill. Think of yourself as a King with two different but equally affectionate wives,” I said.
“Alright,” Chris agreed.

I left a stunned Chris in the bedroom. It would take time for me to think of myself as a woman mind and body. It may never happen, but I also believed a man shouldn’t be cheated out of loyal and loving spouse. I looked at the black ring that I had placed on the dresser. I hadn’t taken the ring seriously since the wedding. It had only served to help Chris identify which one was in control but now things were different. The black ring had been Jill’s first engagement ring. It was important to her and now to me. I put the black ring on my finger without reservations. It would be my promise too.

Black Ring V
(Story contains adult situations and controversial topics)

I took cover behind a tree as I was being fired upon by the enemy. The projectiles slammed into the tree as they tried to get at me. I took good aim and fired back with my own volley. Fred, Stan, and Ryan were present with me during the battle.

“Reload,” Ryan said as he placed a new paint ball canister on his rifle. I increased my fire to compensate for Ryan being down.

Fred and Stan raced across the field in bounding movements. A paintball hit Stan square in the crotch. “Fuck!” he cried out as he went down.

I couldn’t help but grin inside my helmet. “Ready,” Ryan said to me.

I nodded and advanced forward. As I ran around trees and bushes, Fred fired wildly with automatic fire. The enemy focused on me pinning me down. Ryan outflanked the enemy and threw grenades towards the enemy position. Red smoke filled the air as the enemy was covered in paint. I sighed with relief and took off my helmet. I didn’t bother to straighten out my wild hair.

“Grenades? Really?” the enemy leader said displeased.

“You mad, bro? Nothing in the rules says we couldn’t,” Ryan replied.

The enemy team shook their heads in disgust and left the field. Despite the victory, I knew it would be short-lived. These people were human resources and no doubt our schedule would be royally fucked by Monday.

The four of us came together and gave each other high-fives with gloved hands. “You okay?” I asked slightly concerned with Stan’s condition.

“I’ll be fine,” he grimaced and bent over.

“Stop being a bitch,” Fred advised.

“Oh really?” Stan shot back and shot Fred in the crotch.

“You asshole!” Fred shouted painfully. The two proceeded to shoot each other repeatedly at close range.

“That was fun. We showed good teamwork out there,” Ryan complimented me.

“Sure,” I agreed.

“You want to maybe go out for a bite to eat after this?” he asked.

“Ryan, I used to have a penis, remember?” I replied.

“Damn, that’s right. I’m so sorry,” Ryan apologized.

“It’s alright,” I allowed. Every so often, I had to remind the guys to back off. I sighed as I took off my gloves. On my left ring finger was the Black Ring.

***

My name is Jill, and I am taking a relaxing shower. Jacky had come home dirty and sweaty and decided to pass out on the couch. I’m always cleaning after her mess. Still, the paint ball battle was amusing. I didn’t have to exert myself or feel the pain of being shot. I was just there to watch the whole thing. Chris entered the shower with me and inspected my wedding ring. He kissed me instantly upon seeing the ring.

“How was the company retreat?” he asked.

“I kicked ass,” I smiled.

“I think you need a good stretch, just to be safe,” he suggested.

“With or without clothes?” I asked.

“What do you think?” he asked rhetorically.

At this point, Chris was good and hard. “Let me fix that for you,” I offered.

Chris sighed as I went to work on him. He placed his fingers in my hair and pulled just the way I liked it.

***

My name is Jacky. That night, I got out of bed and did my nightly routine. I massaged my scalp wondering why it felt sore recently. Turning the TV on, I began watching a movie that was five years old. Since I had awakened, I had made it my goal to watch every movie and TV show that had been made while I was gone. Looking at my nightgown, I hesitated to take it off and put on some gender-neutral clothes. A combination of laziness and a new found acceptance of my fate was keeping me back from doing so.

“Fuck it,” I muttered as I watched the first of many movies.

After three movies and a few television episodes, it was early morning. I decided to access my shared email account and found an odd message:

“Hey, it’s Nicole. Remember me? I missed the reunion. Want to have a coffee?” the email said. It proceeded to give me her phone number.

“Weird,” I muttered.

“Yeah,” Jill agreed.

I quickly deleted the email. “Please. I remember everything you remember,” Jill said unimpressed.

“Nicole is...,” I wondered.

“The first girl you fucked,” Jill said helpfully.

“That’s right,” I recalled. “Why do you remember things like this better than me?”

“I have a female brain. We remember people and conversations better,” Jill reminded me.

I wondered if that was still true or whether my subconscious was trying to protect me from a painful memory. “So, we’re not seeing her,” I said finally.

“Do what you want,” Jill allowed.

“She can’t see me like this,” I said depressed.

“What does it matter what she thinks?” Jill asked.

“What does anything matter?” I wondered. My life was no longer my own anymore. I had no career, hobbies, or love life. I was a ghost.

“Poor you. How about you stop wasting half our life away with movies and television. Maybe you can get us a Master’s degree or something,” Jill scolded.

“What would be the point?” I wondered.

“I had to deal with being second for the first eighteen years of our life. We always did what you wanted to. You can’t even deal with eighteen months. You’re pathetic,” Jill said.

“You know what? I will take charge of something,” I told her.

“Like what?” Jill asked skeptically.

“Don’t know yet. Maybe, I just need some inspiration,” I said as I wrote down Nicole’s number.

***

My name is Jill, and I was given the pleasure of Sarah’s visit. Chris, Sarah, and I made small talk in the living room until Sarah finally revealed the true reason for her visit.

“So, I’m pregnant,” she gushed.

A chill went through me. I half expected the procedure to be impossible. I had officially made Sarah pregnant with my male sperm. I was now a father…or something. “That’s great,” Chris said delighted.

“Yeah, great,” I repeated.

“You going to tell Jacky?” Jake asked from the corner of the room.

I eyed him unable to respond without looking crazy in front of Sarah. Chris seemed to notice my eyes look off into dead space every so often. “Well, lots to think about,” Chris said as he conversed with his sister alone.

“I don’t think she is ready to know just yet,” I said to Jake.

“When then?” he questioned.

“I don’t know,” I admitted.

***

My name is Jacky, and I have decided to go through with meeting Nicole but on my own terms. I went to a barber and had my hair cut short. “You fucker!” Jill shrieked at me as I looked at the mirror.

“Perfect,” I smirked boyishly.

Even as Jill protested, I bound my breasts down with tape and wore a jacket. Other than my chest feeling crushed, I felt right. I then practiced my old male voice. “Still got it,” I smirked.

“I hate you,” Jill glared at me.

I ignored her and walked down the street like a man. I never got the feminine walk down anyway. As I walked through groups of people, I felt more confident in myself. Before, I didn’t think it would be possible to cross dress as a man. Now, I was regretting I didn’t do it earlier. I could be a man while I was in control and Jill could be a woman when she was in control. The whole business of having sex with Chris as a woman was just a mere experiment. No, this was going to be the permanent arrangement.

“You’ll never pass as a man,” Jill doubted as she walked besides me.

“Maybe, you won’t pass as a woman now,” I shot back.

Jill became quiet fading away from me. I went to the coffee shop and found a slightly aged Nicole. She was still an attractive brunette. My eyes scanned for a wedding ring and found none. “Jack?” she wondered.

“That’s me,” I replied.

“You look good,” she complimented.

I smiled pleased that I had successfully passed. We sat down and waited for the waitress to bring a pot of coffee. “You look the same as I remember you,” I said feeling my male confidence come back.

“I heard all sorts of rumors about you from the reunion,” Nicole said.

“What kind of rumors?” I asked politely.

“That you were gay, that you were now a woman,” she smiled amused.

“Well, it couldn’t be farther from the truth,” I assured her.

“I can see that,” she agreed.

Jill gave me a disgusted look as she sat next to Nicole across from me. “So, you married?” Nicole asked.

It took me a second to figure out how she knew. “Oh, this?” I said referring to the black ring. I had failed to take it off before going out. Was my subconscious resisting me or was I just careless?

“Yeah, you’re fucked,” Jill said unhelpfully.

“Actually, its a memory ring for someone I cared about who died five years ago,” I lied.

“Sorry I brought it up,” Nicole apologized.

“No problem,” I downplayed.

“So, you are single?” Nicole pressed.

“Yep,” I lied.

“Because I wouldn’t want to be the ‘other woman’ if you know what I mean,” she joked.

“Yeah, wouldn’t want that,” I laughed nervously.

“So, what do you do?” Nicole asked.

“I work in sales,” I said vaguely. I wasn’t overly proficient in my job. Jill would boss me around all day, or I would sham with the guys.

“I work in psychiatry. We help people become their better selves,” she said.

“Sounds great. I could use some of that,” I joked. Jill gave me a dirty look.

“Really?” Nicole asked seriously.

“Well, we all can better ourselves,” I backtracked.

“Right,” she agreed giving me a weird smile. “Nothing is impossible with the right technique.”

“I suppose,” I said not sure what she was referring to.

“I can help you,” Nicole said handing me her business card.

I looked over the card. “Thanks. I’ll keep it in mind,” I said politely.

“I had a chat with Greg, but he wasn’t interested in improving himself,” Nicole said disappointed.

“Oh?” I wondered.

“We can be whatever we want to be. Our spirit is beyond the mental or the physical. With the spirit, there are no limitations,” she said.

I nodded as Jill gave me the “crazy” sign. “You know what? I totally agree. This morning, I decided who I was going to be today. I woke up and said to myself, “Jack is in charge again.”

“That’s great, Jack,” Nicole smiled. “You have made an important first step. Now, you have to follow through.”

She tapped her business card, paid for her coffee, and left. Jill and I sat across from each other both dumbfounded. “What the fuck was that about?” Jill wondered.

“I don’t know,” I replied honestly.

***

My name is Jill, and I am so pissed right now. I looked at the mirror and saw Jack’s face looking back at me. Growing out my hair and the hormones had made some significant changes, but Jacky had learned to use make-up to look more masculine. I quickly washed my face but still had spiky boyish hair.

“Great, I look like a lesbian,” I said to myself.

“Nice haircut,” Jake said amused.

“Fuck off,” I replied angrily. “You have any idea how long it took to get it shoulder length?”

“Yes, a year,” Jake replied.

“Damn it,” I cursed.

“There are pills and vitamins out there that can help it grow faster,” Jake said helpfully.

“I know, because we both know that,” I said frustrated. “It will still take months.”

“You still look cute,” Jake said. “Women can have short hair.”

“I know they can, but I am trying to overcompensate. Sometimes, I don’t feel I am passing,” I said.

“Nonsense,” Jake assured me.

“It didn’t take much for Jacky to become Jack again. Even his dumb-ass self was able to accomplish it without difficulty,” I said angrily.

“Careful, Jill. You said ‘his’,’ Jake said.

I stared at myself in the mirror and then tore off the jacket. I ripped the shirt off and began pulling the tape off my breasts. “I’ll make him pay for this,” I vowed.

***

Not long afterwards, I did a background check on Nicole and her job. Turns out, she was a part of a clinic that did gay conversion therapy. “Oh, this is rich,” I giggled to Jake.

The clinic didn’t discuss their techniques but claimed it had a high success rate. So, that was what Nicole meant when she wanted to improve Greg. She had heard rumors Jack had become a transsexual and decided to recruit.

“That bitch,” I said shaking my head.

“What if it works?” Jake wondered.

“Of course it doesn’t,” I laughed.

“But what if it does?” Jake insisted.

I eyed Jake suspiciously. “What if it does?” I repeated back to him.

“We want Jacky to be on the same page as us. We want her to give up on ever going back to being a man,” Jake said.

“Sure,” I agreed.

“We also want her to become straight. Did you feel how she felt about Nicole. She wanted her just like so many years ago,” Jake said.

“Jacky is always going to like girls. It’s no big deal,” I downplayed.

“But what if we could change that? Worth a try?” Jake said.

“No, it can’t work and even if it did this is evil. If my parents knew of this clinic, they would have used it to try to get rid of me. Any therapy, technique, or drug could fuck us up,” I argued.

“But this could be an opportunity to get rid of Jack once and for all. You could be Jill and Jacky, both straight women happily married to Chris. You could make Jacky embrace motherhood,” Jake pressed.

I simply stared at Jack. My short hair reflected back at the television screen. “Let’s do it. It could be fun to fuck with them,” I smirked.

***

My name is Jack. No Jacky this time, just Jack. It didn’t take long to make myself look like a man. I would never be able to grow a beard or mustache but clean shaven men were still men. I put on my leather jacket and drove to the clinic. Jill was in the passenger seat not protesting or even giving me sneers. She actually seemed giddy about it.

Once I came to the receptionist desk, I was asked for my ID. I froze as I realized my only form of ID was that of Jill with a woman’s picture on it. “You’re screwed,” Jill laughed.

“He doesn’t need an ID. I can vouch for him,” Nicole interrupted.

Jill gave Nicole a fearful look. I smiled and completed the paperwork putting Jack under “name.” I then walked with Nicole through the halls. “The first step in the process is the interview. Be honest,” Nicole advised and brought me to the room.

I gave her an uncertain look. Did she think I was lying about my past? I went into the room and shook hands with an older man. “I’m Dr. Bork. Please take a seat,” he smiled at me.

“So, what is your goal, Jack?” Dr. Bork asked.

“I’m not really sure,” I admitted awkwardly.

“We get that a lot. Let’s start with the fact that you’re married to a man,” Dr. Bork said.

“Err…,” I choked.

“And that you’re a male-to-female transsexual. I must admit, I wasn’t expecting this look,” Dr. Bork smiled amused.

“Look, I think there’s a mistake…,” I said feeling uncomfortable.

“Oh there is definitely a mistake. You’re a freak of nature, Jack. You have multi-personality disorder, multiple sexual orientations, schizophrenia, and that’s just the beginning. Your file is what we live for,” Dr. Bork said and then placed a thick folder on the table.

“Where do you get off…,” I began.

“We can help you, Jack. We can combine all your personalities into one solid straight male identity. We can give you your life back before the car accident,” Dr. Bork said.

“That’s impossible,” I doubted.

“It can be done. Do you want to try?” Dr. Bork asked.

“Even if what you say is true, I can’t go back really. You see, my girl personality got rid of my penis and balls,” I said bluntly.

“Surgery has come a long way. We can use tissue from your leg or your arm and rebuild your penis. We can give you artificial testicles. It will look and function as before. It’s not too late to come back,” Dr. Bork assured me.

“I can’t afford…,” I said.

“Don’t worry about it. All you have to do is agree to allow us to share your story after its over,” Dr. Bork said.

“You want me to be a success story on your website?” I asked.

“A small price to pay to getting your life back,” Dr. Bork replied.

I eyed Jill who was in the room with me. She had a horrified look on her face. “Don’t you dare,” she shrieked at me.

I smirked at Dr. Bork. “Why not?”

***

My name is Jill, and I am now a prisoner. Medical professionals placed me in a chair and strapped me down. “So, you going to shock me?” I asked sarcastically.

“Oh, of course not,” Dr. Bork shook his head. “We use positive reinforcement in our treatments.”

A nurse injected me with an unknown substance. A large television screen then appeared showing attractive women undressing and making out with each other. “You have to be kidding,” I mocked but then I felt a weird sensation. I felt the most euphoric sensation I had ever felt.

“Heroin?” I wondered.

“Close but not nearly as crude,” Dr. Bork replied. “We can’t change your interest in men, Jill. You will always be attracted to men no matter what we do. No amount of shocks or trauma can change that. What we try to do here is make you interested in women,” Dr. Bork said.

“To make me bisexual? How does that make me straight?” I doubted.

“We can’t make you straight. It’s impossible to take away your orientation but maybe we can add an orientation,” Dr. Bork said.

“How does that serve your purpose?” I asked.

“It’s simple. Homosexuals claim they have no choice in their orientations. Without choice, there is no moral agency and therefore they are morally blameless. But if we make every homosexual a bisexual, well, there’s a choice now,” Dr. Bork smiled.

“You’re nuts,” I told him.

“That’s rich coming from you,” Dr. Bork replied.

“Release me now,” I ordered him.

“Unfortunately, you’re not in charge. As long as Jack wants treatment, you’re stuck here,” Dr. Bork said.

“I’m Jack now, and I want to leave,” I said in my male voice.

Dr. Bork smiled amused. “We can keep track of the two of you easily. In fact, we use your black ring to keep track.”

I eyed my hand and saw that the black ring was gone.

***

My name is Jack and I’m enjoying a date with Nicole at the clinic. The medication that they were putting me on had erased Jill from my mind. I was told that Jill was still present when I would pass out but nothing else. “I think we’re ready for the next phase,” Nicole said.

“What happens then?” I asked.

“A retreat in a cabin, just the two of us,” Nicole smiled.

“Sounds good,” I smiled and then remembered something. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything. The last couple years have been rough.”

“It’s okay, Jack,” she allowed.

“To a new beginning,” I toasted to her.

“A new beginning,” she agreed.

They took me in a van to a camp in the middle of nowhere in the mountains. I made sure to text Chris that I was on a company retreat, so he wouldn’t have the cops looking for me. Once I was “cured” I could ditch him for good.

Nicole and I brought our supply bags to the cabin and then the van took off. Inside the cabin was a stove, a water purifier, and one bed. “I guess I can sleep on the floor,” I muttered.

“Don’t be silly. We’ll share the bed,” Nicole smiled.

“Sure,” I agreed. “Hey, what happens when my other self comes out?” I asked concerned.

“Don’t worry about that,” Nicole assured me.

***

My name is Jill, and I’m tied to a chair. “Why am I not surprised?”I muttered.

“Don’t try to escape. There is no civilization for miles. You’ll die of exposure or starvation before you find someone to help you,” she said.

“I’ll just steal your phone then,” I threatened.

She smiled. “No phone reception.”

“When you sleep, you’ll be sorry,” I said to her.

“I’m not worried,” she said as she opened her bag. She took out a needle and injected me.

“If you’re trying to get me to like girls, you’re not enough to tempt me,” I said insultingly.

“Oh, we’re done trying that. I just need you gone while I sleep,” she said. The drug did the trick and soon I was passed out.

***

My name is Jack, and I am in the bed with Nicole. “Let’s go back to that night you took my virginity,” she said to me.

“Is this part of the treatment?” I joked.

“Actually yes,” she smiled. “But work can be pleasure.”

I proceeded to kiss her. She responded favorably and the two us practiced our kissing. For the first time in a long time, I felt like a man. This was different than when I was acting as a Lesbian. I kissed her neck and then went for her breasts.

“Too far?” I wondered.

“No,” she shook her head.

I unbuttoned her shirt and found that she wasn’t wearing a bra. Intrigued, I went down on her nipples. She sighed and squirmed under my touch. After a while of playing with her breasts, she reached down to my crotch.

“I can’t…,” I said softly.

“I got it covered,” she smiled and went to her bag. She retrieved a life-like fake penis and balls. “Strip,” she ordered me.

I awkwardly did as she said removing my pants. I took off my male underwear and looked at her ashamed. “Look what she did to you,” Nicole said sympathetically.

“I’ve accepted it,” I said to her.

“You don’t have to,” she replied and carefully placed the fake cock into position, Using a suction, the fake cock stayed in place even without a belt. “Wear this at all times, even when you have to pee.”

“Alright,” I said feeling a weird sensation from it.

Nicole squeezed the fake balls and immediately the fake cock reached six inches in length. “A little short isn’t it,” I joked awkwardly.

“When you get yours back, it will be longer,” she assured me.

“This looks so cool. It looks like the real thing,” I said complimenting the device. “So, what’s next?” I asked her.

“Now, you’re going to fuck me with it,” she said bluntly.

She proceeded to take off her clothes giving a full view of her attractive body. She took off my shirt exposing my breasts. “Don’t worry about it,” she told me and placed a fake flesh-covered vest over my chest. She strapped it around my back squishing my breasts down.

“We’ll remove those implants as well,” she assured me.

I stared at her confident expression. Could this really happen? For the first time, I was given hope that I could go back to my former self. “What are you waiting for?” she asked me.

I looked down and saw my fake cock at attention. “Let’s do this,” I said enthusiastically.

Getting on top of her, I placed my fake cock at her entrance. I wouldn’t get any pleasure from it, but I would still feel like a man. I had used a fake cock as a Lesbian before but this was different. I pressed inside her and took my time making love to her. She moaned and cried out as I fucked her. I even felt pleasure as well as the fake cock rubbed against me neo-clit. With the fake cock, I wouldn’t have to worry about cumming too quickly. I gave her orgasm after orgasm.

“Wow, that was so much better than last time,” she said pleased.

“Well, I was just sixteen. Give me a break,” I sad dryly.

“You’ve improved a lot since then and not just because your cock stays hard. You know a woman’s body,” she complimented.

“Well, I’ve had some first-hand experience with it,” I said awkwardly.

“What she did to you was wrong, but we’ll make everything right again,” she assured me.

***

For the next couple days, Nicole and I had a daily routine of getting firewood, making meals, cleaning the cabin, and having as much sex as possible. We tried every position we could think of and after everything I had been through, I felt like I could love again. She was perfect in every way.

One afternoon, we sat in chairs enjoying the sunlight and forest wind. “After this retreat is over, we could get a place of our own,” I suggested.

“I would like that,” she agreed.

“Then its settled,” I said feeling content and fulfilled.

Walking alone, I looked at the surface of the lake. I saw my reflection, a man’s reflection. The reflection then rippled and suddenly I saw the image of Jill pounding on the surface of the water as if it were a mirror.

“No,” I shook my head as I tried to block it out.

I took a pill and waited until Jill became silent and disappeared from my view. “Bravo, Jack,” a young man said clapping his hands.

“I remember you,” I said recalling the male version of myself.

“You just had to go ahead and marry the guy,” Jake mocked.

“It was either that or the streets,” I replied coldly.

“Surely, we could have done better than that,” he said.

“There is no ‘we’ in this picture. There is only me,” I told him.

“I have always been there in the corner of your mind, Jack. You and Jill come from me,” Jake said.

“You’ve never been in control,” I shot back.

“What is control? Do you think all your thoughts are your own?” Jake asked me.

“What do you want?” I asked losing patience.

“You’re going to be a father, Jack. Think about that,” Jake said and then disappeared.

“What the…?” I wondered. Jill had never told me this. I looked back towards the cabin. I would have to take Chris to court to get full custody of the child and then Nicole would have to agree. Could it even be possible? Was this Jill’s way of trapping me in her marriage to Chris? Trapping me in motherhood? I would have to go back to Nicole and explain the situation.

As I arrived, two cars had already driven up. One of the cars drove off before I could get to the cabin. Looking around, Nicole was nowhere in sight. Dr. Bork was present to greet me. “Where is Nicole?” I demanded.

“She left early. Her role in this is over. She’s been sufficiently cured at this level,” Dr. Bork said.

“What do you mean cured? I thought I was being treated?” I asked confused.

“Oh, no, you’re way too fucked up for even our abilities. No, Nicole was our patient. You were led to believe she was one of our employees. She was a Lesbian that wanted to convert. She has completed another phase in her treatment,” Dr. Bork revealed.

“What phase?” I asked becoming outraged.

“You are that phase. Her test was to see if she would have sexual relations with a transsexual or the most feminine man that could exist. Despite your voice and your dress, you’re body is still very feminine. Once she were to complete this phase, she would go on to having sex with an effeminate man, an average man, and finally the most masculine of men. Every phase is a baby step towards being cured,” Dr. Bork said.

“Homosexuality cannot be cured,” I doubted.

“That’s correct, but we can add orientations. It’s all about tolerance and acceptance of additional genders and body-types. We weren’t trying to stop her from liking women, only that she be able to like men. You’ve done your part well,” Dr. Bork said.

“So, you used me,” I said pissed off.

“We will give you what was promised. In exchange, you will sign this disclosure agreement,” Dr. Bork said handing me a clip board.

Jake was at my side. “Sign it. Get your life back,” he encouraged.

“What of Jill?” I muttered.

“Let’s be done with that bitch. It’s about time. She betrayed you,” Jake said to me.

I took the pen to sign the form and hesitated. “Don’t be a bitch, Jack,” Jake said.

I stared at Jake. His face was filled with malicious intent. “You know what? I am a bitch,” I replied to him.

“Excuse me?” Dr. Bork wondered.

“I’m not signing this. You can go fuck yourself,” I said to him.

“You will not be given another chance,” Dr. Bork warned me.

“I’m good,” I smirked.

“How unfortunate, but you’re not the only word on this,”Dr. Bork said peeved.

“What?” I wondered.

Two medical personal grabbed me and injected me with something. Within a minute, I was out.

***

My name is Jill, and I was being held up by two large men in white lab coats. Dr. Bork was in front of me. “Jill, I presume?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I replied weakly.

“Jack has betrayed you. He tried to ruin your marriage, get rid of you, and make your unborn child motherless,” Dr. Bork summarized.

“Yeah, he’s an asshole,” I agreed.

“We would prefer it if you detransitioned and behaved as a straight man once again. However, it also suits our purposes for you to give the impression to the public that you are a straight married woman and mother. No one needs to know otherwise,” Dr. Bork said to me.

“How generous,” I muttered.

“What we cannot accept is man in a woman’s body starting adulterous Lesbian affairs. We can make Jacky love men, we can make her love your husband. Sign this form, and we can make this happen for you,” Dr. Bork offered taking out another form.

I turned to Jake. He gave me a simple nod. I loved Jack, but his time was over. Either he became Jacky, or he needed to remain gone. Other people like Chris and our unborn child needed me. There was no more room for selfishness. Reluctantly, I signed the form.

“A wise decision,” Dr. Bork said pleased.

One Month Later

I felt a little nervous as I came home to my Chris. I was wearing a white dress and heels. My hair was still short but was feminine in style. I wore earrings and my wedding ring. Upon seeing me, Chris came out of the house and embraced me.

“That was a long company retreat,” he said concerned.

“Chris, I was sick for a long time but now I’m better,” I told him.

“Tell me everything,” Chris requested of me.

“It’s hard to explain but let’s say I don’t need this anymore,” I told him as I gave him the black ring. He looked at it in amazement and then kissed me passionately.

Dr. Bork looked on as I made out with my husband in plain sight. “Not the best outcome we could have hoped for but at least it looks right,” he said to his assistant.

I ignored him and went inside. Chris chatted at great length about Sarah’s pregnancy. I wasn’t really listening. I took him to the bedroom. “That is a beautiful dress,” he commented.

“Take it off,” I requested of him.

Without hesitation, he unzipped me and began passionately kissing me. I got out of my heels and let Chris do whatever he wanted to my body. He kissed my breasts and went down on me until I screamed. I passionate sucked his cock. He had me on my stomach as he thrust into me repeatedly. All the while, I imagined what it would be like to have my very own egg fertilized by his sperm, to have life grow inside me, and give birth nine months later. Biology would deny me this, but it couldn’t deny my imagination.

I suddenly felt Chris cum inside me and my mind went wild. “Tell me I’m pregnant now,” I said to him.

“What?” he asked confused.

“Just say it,” I said more forcefully.

“You’re pregnant now, Jill. My seed is in you. You’re going to have a baby,” he said to me.

“Tell me more,” I begged.

“You’re going to get big. You’re not allowed to drink. You have to eat right,” he said. “You hear?” he demanded of me.

“Yes, yes!” I cried out as I felt my own orgasm.

Exhausted, I closed my eyes and felt the best sleep I had ever experienced.

***

On Friday, I came to work and was immediately ambushed by the guys. “Hey, hey, hey, want to get some drinks after work, maybe nail a few chicks?” Fred asked me.

“I’m going to have to pass on that,” I said.

“Pass? You don’t pass on this,” Stan insisted.

“I’ll give you a call if I’m interested,” I said coldly.

“What’s up with her? It’s Friday,” Fred wondered.

That afternoon, I went to senior management, a no-nonsense woman filled with scorn. I told her everything the “guys” had done to female employees over several months. She wasn’t surprised but had decided not to take action without an official complaint.

“I’ll have them all transferred. As for you, I am going to promote you. I want you to rid your department of any sexual harassment or male chauvinism. It is our time now,” she said referring to women.

“Thank you,” I replied.

***

Shortly thereafter, Chris and I went to the doctor’s office. The doctor took a pen and began to mark my face. It was the beginning process for facial feminization surgery. After this, I would never pass for a man again. After this, Jack would be completely dead. Even if I wore male clothing, cut my hair short, and bound my breasts it would all be for not. My face would be that of a woman’s face permanently and unmistakably.

“You sure you want to go through with this?” the doctor asked me.

“Absolutely,” I replied.

Author's Notes: The author makes no claims about sexual orientation conversion clinics, specific or otherwise. All of these Black Ring stories are psychological fantasies with a heavy ridiculousness component to them. Kudos if you figured out the twist about Nicole. I hope it wasn't too obvious. I'm open to how any of you would like the story to continue as Black Ring VI is currently in the brainstorming phase.

Black Ring VI

Author’s Note: The following are discussed or featured: sexuality, gay conversion therapy, torture, suicide, and other mature subjects.

My name is Jack or Jacky. At this moment, I wasn’t really sure. I was wearing male clothing: jeans, t-shirt, thick jacket, and sneakers. I had a very short boyish-looking haircut and wasn’t wearing any make-up. From outward appearances I looked like a teenage boy. Under my clothes was a different story though. Courtesy of Jill’s meddling, I had B-cup breasts and a neo-vagina where my penis and testicles should have been. After years of hormone therapy, my body looked positively female.

Dr. Bork entered the room and stood over me. I was strapped down to a chair at the wrists and ankles. He smiled at me and then pulled up a chair. “How are we doing today?” he asked pleasantly.

“I’ve had worse,” I replied dryly.

“So, Jack it is,” he confirmed.

“I think I’m good. I’d like to go home now,” I said to him.

“Well, that’s the problem, Jack. You signed a release form giving us full discretion on how to treat you,” Dr. Bork told me.

I looked to Jill for answers. “I didn’t agree to that.”

“Yeah, bullshit,” I said to Dr. Bork.

He merely smiled at me and showed me several pages of forms with my signature. “I didn’t do it. I swear,” Jill protested.

“I understand your confusion. It wasn’t your ‘Jill’ personality that signed them,” Dr. Bork revealed.

“I only have two personalities,” I said confidently.

“Actually, you have a quite a few more, some you may not be aware of. We have techniques to draw them out,” Dr. Bork smiled.

“Okay, what do you want?” I asked frustrated.

“I want to heal you, Jack. This current existence isn’t working out for anyone. You tried to regain your masculinity, had an affair with a woman, and nearly destroyed your marriage. You have a child on the way. This behavior is not appropriate,” Dr. Bork said condescendingly.

“I may have made some wrong turns,” I admitted.

“On an intellectual level, you know what you did was wrong. However, your instincts are continually fighting against the life Jill has chosen for you. I think some compromise is in order,” Dr. Bork said.

“You going to turn me into a straight woman? Good luck with that,” I said skeptically.

“You misunderstand our mission, Jack. We don’t try to repress existing sexualities. You will always be attracted to women just as Jill will always be attracted to men. There’s no way to change that,” Dr. Bork said.

“So?” I wondered.

“Our goal here is to open your mind to other sexualities. If a Lesbian wants to be attracted to men, we make it happen. If a gay man wants to marry a woman and have children with her, we can do that too. We don’t repress the first orientation. We simply add a new one to it,” Dr. Bork explained.

“You can make people bisexual?” I realized.

“More-or-less,” Dr. Bork agreed.

“How does that solve my problem?” I asked.

“A bisexual woman is fully capable of having a steady long-term relationship with a man. Bisexuals are not sex-crazed individuals that need to have sex with both sexes at the same time,” Dr. Bork said simply.

“That need will always be there though,” I pointed out.

“Certainly just as any married man or woman is attracted to people other than their spouses,” Dr. Bork said obviously.
“You want me to like dick? Tall order,” I doubted.

“You’ve already experimented I imagine,” Dr. Bork said as he checked his notes.

“So?” I asked embarrassed.

“Experimentation is a step forward in the treatment,” Dr. Bork clarified.

“Sounds good. Let me go, and I will start experimenting again,” I lied.

Dr. Bork smiled. “Oh, we have a better way here.” He took out a picture out of his folder and showed it to me. It was a picture of Greg.

“We know that he is a homosexual and that the two of you were good friends in high school,” Dr. Bork said to me.
I simply stared at him wondering what he was trying to do. “What if I told you deep down you knew Greg was gay and that you desired him sexually?” he asked me.

“I would say you’re out of your fucking mind,” I replied angrily.

“It’s true though,” Dr. Bork said and then showed me a video from his phone. I saw myself in the same room talking casually to Dr. Bork.

“Did you ever desire Greg sexually?” Dr. Bork asked me.

“Absolutely, but I wasn’t in control. I couldn’t tell him the truth,” I said in the video.

I watched a couple minutes of myself talking about how I wanted Greg sexually in all sorts of ways. When the video was finished, I was a little stunned. I looked over at Jill. “That wasn’t me,” she said just as disturbed.

“So, I believe we can raise to the surface this desire that you have repressed all these years,” Dr. Bork said to me.

“Good luck,” I replied sarcastically.

“Oh, I don’t need luck,” Dr. Bork smiled and then snapped his fingers. Immediately, I blacked out.

-Jacky and Dr. Bork

I awoke in the same room in the same chair only my clothes were different. I was still wearing a t-shirt and jeans, but they were women’s attire this time. Somehow I had changed clothes between sessions. I looked to Jill for an answer.

“As soon as I took control, he snapped his fingers on me,” she said just as confused.

“Who is this other personality?” I demanded of her.

“I don’t know!” Jill said just as freaked out.

“Consulting your other personality isn’t going to help,” Dr. Bork said as he entered the room.

“How are you doing this?” I demanded of him.

“There are certain triggers that allow me to go through your personalities,” Dr. Bork explained.

“With a snap of your finger? That’s bullshit,” I doubted.

“Is that what you think happened?” he asked and then snapped his finger.

I simply stared at him not truly realizing the threat this man held until now. Dr. Bork took out Greg’s picture and showed it to me. Instantly, I felt a butterfly feeling in my stomach. I was having a completely different reaction to the picture. Somehow, I was attracted to this picture. I wanted him in the room with me. It was stronger than just friendship. I desired him.

Dr. Bork studied my reaction and then put the picture away. “We don’t have any nude photos of Greg, so we doctored one.”

I was forced to see a nude Greg. It was perfectly photo shopped, so I wouldn’t know the difference. As I saw it, I felt arousal in my groin area. It wasn’t a boner but something similar. Something was working down there. I clenched my fists as I tried to control my feelings. I then snapped out of it.

“You made a fatal mistake,” I glared at Dr. Bork.

“What would that be?” Dr. Bork asked.

“Greg’s circumcised,” I smirked.

Dr. Bork looked over the picture and then put it aside. “You still think you can fight me intellectually? This is all about your subconscious. Your subconscious can’t understand photo-manipulation and deception.”

Dr. Bork then turned on a TV. He clicked on already prepared videos of gay porn. “I’m curious how you would rate each video.”

“You know, I can always close my eyes,” I said defiantly.

“If you do that, we will wire them open,” Dr. Bork said seriously.

“Alright,” I allowed and watched the video.

Despite my revulsion, my body was acting differently. Without thinking, I bit my lip and stared intently as two men went at it. I felt my nipples tingle and my neo-clit getting swollen. I only felt this way before when having Lesbian sex with an attractive woman. This was so wrong. I wanted to close my eyes but knew what it would mean. Dr. Bork studied my reaction both embarrassing and infuriating me.

Satisfied, Dr. Bork turned off the TV. “What the hell was that?” I asked stunned by my body’s reaction.

“You are attracted to men even if your conscious mind doesn’t believe it,” Dr. Bork told me.

***
What followed were more intense sessions. I would be forced to watch hours of gay porn while hooked up to monitor machines. Afterwards, Dr. Bork would occasionally have a naked male model enter the room while talking to me. In spite of myself, I increasingly had difficulty concentrating on Dr. Bork. Finally, he would have the male model kiss me and touch my breasts while I continued to be strapped to the chair. I couldn’t help myself as I enjoyed the sensations.

“Okay, you win. I like men,” I confessed.

“Not buying it,” Dr. Bork smiled amused.

One particular session, I awoke to find myself naked. Dr. Bork placed pads on my neck, my nipples, my stomach, and on my clit. He then calmly turned on videos of naked men stroking their cocks. Throughout the videos, the pads sent pleasurable shocks into my body. I squirmed in the chair unable to control myself.

“You will soon associate these visuals with pleasure. It will stick with you,” Dr. Bork told me.

“Fuck you,” I said as I tensed up.

Each session took a toll on my mind and psyche. Throughout the misery, I wondered where Chris was. Had he just abandoned me? It must have been weeks since I was captured at the cabin. I could sense that Jill was even more distressed.

“You’re hoping Chris will save you?” Dr. Bork asked as if reading my mind. “Starting to see him as a protector and provider?” he mocked.

“He’s a really good buddy,” I replied.

“Don’t worry. He didn’t leave you here to perish in my dungeon,” Dr. Bork smiled and then showed me video.
It was me in a dress greeting Chris. We kissed and talked for quite a while in the lobby. I was watching security camera footage. Chris and I then left the building. I watched the video stunned. What the fuck was going on?

“Confused? I don’t blame you. One of your personalities has been quite cooperative with us,” Dr. Bork revealed. “She has assured Chris that her treatment is going well, that she is here of her own will, and that she still needs more time.”

“You see, you’re not a prisoner here,” Dr. Bork smirked.

“What is this traitor’s name?” I demanded angrily.

“I don’t think so,” Dr. Bork rebuked. “I will say that she is able to impersonate Jill completely. Chris has been led to believe that your personality is completely gone.”

“Once I get out of here, I am going to set him straight,” I said and then giggled at my word choice.

Dr. Bork smiled amused as well. “Once we’re finished here, you and Jill will be gone.”

***
For the next few sessions, I felt like a prisoner on death row. Dr. Bork intended to get rid of my personality and merge it somehow with another. I would be gone like when I was gone for five years only perhaps permanent this time. As the weeks went by, I found my sexual orientation changing in spite of my best efforts. I couldn’t resist or change it back. My fucked-up mind started fantasizing about naked men and dicks. I wanted desperately to get fucked and didn’t know why.

“You win. I want the dick,” I told him.

“I believe you, Jack,” Dr. Bork said sympathetically. “Unfortunately, that’s not good enough.” He turned on videos of Lesbians having sex.

My mind was immediately attuned to what was going on, even more so than the men. Jill felt a little uncomfortable as I watched the videos. It was the first time in weeks that I was enjoying myself. I didn’t even notice Dr. Bork putting electrical pads on my body. Suddenly, I felt an intense shock.

“Holy shit!” I gasped as I felt it.

“We are beginning phase two where you will be punished for any sign of attraction to women,” Dr. Bork explained.
“But you said you only wanted to make people more open to sexualities,” I objected.

“I lied,” Dr. Bork said simply.

What followed could only be described as torture as I was punished for any arousal towards women and rewarded for any arousal towards men. The videos and pictures didn’t even have to be naked. I was shocked for liking fully clothed female models in various settings.

While all of this was going on, I was given a reaction test. I was told, under penalty of being shocked, to stare at pictures of straight couples. If I noticed the woman before the man I would be scored lower. If I noticed the man first, I would score higher. The images flashed so quickly that I could barely react. My subconscious took over as I clicked the mouse, left for the man and right for the woman.

I also noticed I was spending less-and-less time being myself before being triggered by Dr. Bork. Instead of half a day, it would be a third, then a quarter, and then even less than that. I was slowly disappearing into my own mind.

-Jacky’s treatment

My name is Jane. Forgot about me? I don’t blame you. While Jack and Jill were locked away, I was completely free. I had my phone, my keys, and most of all Chris whenever I wanted. We would take strolls around the treatment facilities’ gardens. Always, I impersonated Jill. It wasn’t hard.

“Anything I miss?” I asked Chris on our routine walks.

“Not much. The pregnancies are coming along. Your boss is a little annoyed you’re taking so long,” Chris said.

“It shouldn’t take much longer. Soon, I’ll be whole,” I told him.

“Little sorry to see Jacky gone,” Chris said sadly.

“It’s for the best, and she’ll never be truly gone. I’m just merging the two of us into one is all. Nothing has changed,” I assured him.

“Sounds good,” Chris smiled.

All the while he was completely oblivious that his true wife, Jill, was on the verge of disappearing forever.

-Jane and Chris

My name is Jack(y), and I just vomited all over the floor. Dr. Bork had put an IV in my arm to keep me hydrated while giving me pills that forced me to throw up. He was associating it with visual images of attractive women. I would learn to hate looking at these images no matter how hot they were because it always came with pain of some kind.

Dr. Bork motioned for his staff to clean me up. Nothing Dr. Bork did left a scar or mark on me; nothing to prove that I had been tortured for weeks. By this time, my hair had grown out more, and I had lost weight. I also had a suspicion that Dr. Bork was giving me high concentrations of estrogen.

As my mind faded in confusion, I saw Jill smirking at me across from me. “What’s so funny, Jill?” I asked her.

“I’m not Jill,” she replied.

I stared at her in confusion and then with horror. “You,” I realized.

“Call me Jane. I just wanted you to know it was me,” she said.

“Traitor,” I spat.

“You kept me under the surface our whole life. I had no freedom or agency. I had no choice but to witness you ruining our life. You’re a loser, Jack. You always have been. What makes matters worse is that you prevented us from reaching our potential,” Jane said angrily.

“Hey, things are on the upside now,” I excused.

“Which you nearly destroyed,” she pointed out. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I want this pain to end. Imagine being a prisoner for over two decades unable to reach out, to be loved, to exist.”

“I’ll find a way to fix this,” I promised.

“How? With drugs? I want out,” she said seriously.

“How you going to do that? It’s not like my mind has an exit door,” I said sarcastically.

“Oh, there is an exit door,” Jane grinned and then pointed her index finger to her head.

“You can’t be serious,” I doubted.

“Don’t worry. I’ll make it glorious,” she assured me.

I struggled against my restraints in vain. “Too bad you don’t even know how this all happened,” Jane said condescendingly and disappeared from my mind as everything went black.

***
My name is Jane. I went back to Chris, my home, my job, and the life Jill had made for us. With every moment, I knew my control was in jeopardy. I quickly began to undermine both Jack and Jill’s relationships by busting all of my male co-workers. I was a pariah in the office hated by both men and women for my ambition to get to the top.

At first, I kept up a normal relationship with Chris. He accepted the fact I had changed from the treatment. I was neither the freak that Jill was nor the cold fish Jacky had been. I was just normal, and he accepted that. I looked the same, spoke the same, and acted the same with all of Jill’s memories. He couldn’t tell the difference.

“Sarah is planning a baby shower. We should go, right?” Chris asked me.

Of course, we should,” I said playfully kissing him. “How many will be there?”

“Well, my parents, maybe your parents, and some friends and co-workers,” Chris listed off.

“Sounds like a big gathering,” I said interested.

“Sure, maybe twenty or thirty people,” Chris said. “You’re not shy are you?”

“No. I would be happy to go. I just have to think of a good gift,” I considered.

“I can help,” Chris offered.

“Nah, I already have a good idea,” I told him.

My ‘gift’ so to speak was going to be my death. My time was limited before one or more personalities took over again. I refused to be an unwilling participant in my own head. I would end it all before I would give back control. I could do it now but that wouldn’t have the impact I wanted. The baby shower would be perfect. It had to be dramatic. Looking at kitchen knives, I decided I would slit my own throat in front of them all. That would be the best way.

-Jane makes preparations

The night of the baby shower, I wore a black dress and heels. I declined to wear a necklace Jill liked. It would get in the way. The knife was already packed in my purse. Chris came into the bathroom startling me. “Little jumpy, aren’t you?” he teased.

“Just nervous,” I told him.

“Nervous of what?” Chris asked.

“What if I don’t pass?” I asked.

“Jill, you look beautiful,” Chris assured me.

I gave him a fake smile. “Thank you, honey,” I said as I kissed him.

“Let’s get moving,” he encouraged. He was wearing a white collared shirt and dress pants. I sighed and walked behind him. As he walked down the hallway, I grabbed his baseball bat and connected with his head. He went down with a thud.

Slightly concerned, I put my hand to his neck to feel for a pulse. Finding one, I put the bat down and checked myself in the mirror one last time. What looked back at me wasn’t my reflection though. It was Jack’s.

“That’s weird,” I said to myself.

Jack suddenly came out of the mirror and slammed me against the bathroom door. He put me in a wrestling hold to keep me still. “Did you come back for Chris?” I mocked him.

I pushed him back slamming the back of his head against the mirror shattering it. I then took the stunned Jack and threw him against the shower wall. Before he could counter-attack, I placed the shower curtain around his head to prevent him from breathing and tightened my grip on him. As I did, I continually punched him.

He fought back taking a hold of me and the two of us tore through the bathroom door into the hallway. Jack got the shower curtain off his head and brought me to my feet. “This is for all the shocks, bitch,” Jack said to me and then slammed me up against the wall shattering hung-up picture frames.He aggressively punched me to the face and gut.
I took the baseball bat and swung into his gut dropping him. I swung again, but he caught the swing. The two of us struggled with the bat until it was thrown across the room.

“You’re just doing what I want, Jack. You’re just hurting yourself,” I pointed out.

“I can’t let you go through with it,” he said determined.

“If not tonight, it will be tomorrow. You can’t stop me,” I told him.

Jack took hold of me and slammed me against the plasma TV. It fell to the floor destroyed. I got up and pushed him against a window breaking it. He proceeded to slam me against the coffee table breaking it apart. At this point, I was bleeding badly from my scalp and bruised up.

“You’re making a mess,” I pointed out the obvious.

“I don’t give a shit,” he replied.

“Fair enough,” I allowed. Neither of us had made this home.

The fight turned to the kitchen with utensils thrown in all directions. I opened the freezer and slammed Jack’s head repeatedly with it. I activated the stove and tried to burn him. I activated the garbage disposal and tried to put his hand in it. In all of this, he avoided death or serious injury. Opening the basement door, the two of us fell down the stairs to the bottom.

At this point, I felt serious pain from my injuries. “So, this is pain,” I realized.

“You ready to give up?” Jack asked. He didn’t have a scratch on him from our fight.

“Never,” I hissed at him.

He shook his head condescendingly, picked me up, and slammed me down on the Ping-Pong table collapsing it. In the open space, he punched me hard to the gut and upper cut me to the jaw. I fell to the floor devastated.

He brought me off the floor and slammed me against the water heater. I merely smiled at him. “Take your best shot,” I challenged him.

Jack gave me a confused look as a pistol was present in his hand. I raised my own hand which also had a pistol. While wrestling around in the basement, I happened to pick it up. “Go ahead and shoot me,” Jack told me.

“Glad we could agree on something,” I said pointing it to my head. Jake likewise had his pistol to his head.

“Go ahead,” Jack smirked at me.

“You don’t think I’ll do it?” I said cocking the pistol.

“You don’t have the balls,” he said to me.

“Neither do you,” I said as I pulled on the trigger.

“Pull the trigger. Fuck it,” Jack said wide-eyed.

I pulled the trigger and heard a shot rang out. Jack winced and then disappeared as I fell to the floor. Then everything went black.

-Jane Vs Jack

My name is Jill. I awoke in a hospital bed with an IV stuck to my wrist. I looked around and noticed there was a cop watching over me. I also noted my other wrist was handcuffed to the bed. Groggily, I looked around for a nurse.

“Where’s Chris?” I asked slurring my words.

The cop came over to me and gave me a sympathetic look. “Your husband is fine. Just a concussion,” the cop assured me.

“Concussion from what?” I wondered.

The cop stared at me and went into his pocket for a tape recorder. “What do you remember from last night?”

“What is the date?” I asked.

He proceeded to tell me the date and time. “Wow, I’ve been out for a long time,” I said amazed.

“You’ve only been out a few hours,” he told me.

“No, you don’t understand. I wasn’t in control for several weeks,” I said.

“Control?” the cop wondered.

A doctor and a nurse barged into the room. “This is a really special case, officer: multiple personality disorder. She doesn’t know anything about what happened,” the doctor said.

“Is she going to be alright? I can question her later,” the cop said.

“I am going to keep her here for a few more hours for observation and then she can go home,” the doctor told him.

The cop nodded and left the room. “What happened?” I asked the doctor.

“You attacked Chris with a baseball bat, wrecked the house, threw yourself down into the basement, and then shot yourself in the head with a BB gun,” the doctor said.

I took a moment to process this. “It wasn’t me,” I said truthfully.

“I know it wasn’t. Whatever hostile personality you have is gone for now, but I don’t know for how long,” the doctor said seriously.

“It’s that clinic,” I said and proceeded to give the doctor the address to it.

“Yeah, I’ve heard of them,” the doctor grimaced. “We can talk later,” the doctor assured me and then turned to the nurse. “Ensure she’s comfortable.”

“Yes, doctor,” the nurse said and gave me a sympathetic look.

Once the nurse was gone, I saw another version of myself looking down at me. She was wearing jeans, a rock-band t-shirt, and a baseball cap. “Jacky?” I guessed.

“Yep,” she confirmed.

“How are you here?” I asked. Jacky had never crossed over to my plane before.

“I don’t know. Not sure I like this. I’m able to see and hear everything, but I can’t control anything,” she said.

“Welcome to my world,” I muttered.

“Is this permanent?” she asked concerned.

“I don’t know. What happened?” I asked her.

“Jane tried to kill us at that baby shower. I kicked her ass,” Jacky said proud of herself.

“How did you manage that?” I wondered.

“I think it’s time we give up trying to figure this stuff out,” Jacky replied.

“Is she gone then?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” Jacky said honestly.

Chris then entered the room. He had a bandage on his head but otherwise looked fine. “Is this the real Jill?” he asked cautiously.

“Yeah,” I said weakly.

“You gave me quite the scare. I found you shot to the head in the basement. I feared the worst,” he said with genuine worry.

“It wasn’t me,” I told him. “It wasn’t Jacky either,” I added.

“I know,” Chris agreed.

“She tried to kill me before. I don’t know if we can stop her. I’m not fit to be a wife or mother. You have to let me go,” I told him.

“No way,” Chis shook his head.

“I could kill you for real next time,” I warned him.

“I’ll keep up my guard next time,” he smiled.

“You can survive a hit with a baseball bat. A baby can’t,” I reminded him.

“I found pill bottles in the bathroom. I think they were repressing the two of you. Let’s just see what happens,” Chris suggested.

“At the clinic, they did horrible things to us,” I said as tears flowed.

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea,” Chris said apologetically.

The nurse then interrupted us. “She needs her rest.”

“Sure,” Chris said to the nurse. “I’ll be in the next room. I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said weakly and then drifted off to sleep.

***

My name is Jacky, no point in pretending. The cops let me go and no charges were filed. I left the hospital with black eyes, bruises all over my body, and a concussion. Every body movement was painful.

“Your own fault for being rough with us,” Jill chided.

I ignored her to avoid looking crazy in front of the hospital staff. I had been the one to buy the BB-gun pistol. Jane hadn’t bothered to look for it or know it wasn’t real. It still hurt like hell though. I came home to find the house a complete mess.

“Don’t worry about the mess. I’ll clean it up,” Chris said to me.

I felt a weird sensation as he said this. My masculine pride wouldn’t have allowed such a thing. Now, it seemed okay for some reason. I sat on the couch and tried not to move too much. I watched as Chris picked up the debris and vacuumed the carpet. My fight with Jane probably cost a few thousand in damage.

As he cleaned the house, I felt butterflies in my stomach. He was arousing me like never before. It was like I was back at the clinic. All the false memories and psychological manipulation were having an effect on me. I didn’t want to appreciate it. I wanted to reject it, but it felt so good.

“So, this is love,” I said to myself.

Chris seemed to notice my longing look. He cautiously lowered himself near me and kissed me. Without hesitation, I kissed him back. In my mind, this wasn’t so odd. My first kiss had been with Greg. The two of us had kept it secret from everyone. We took it slow gradually building up the courage to make love. However, things were not to be as we went to different schools. As fate would have it, my new roommate was gay too. I kissed Chris furiously just as I had kissed Nick.

“Can you take me to bed,” I asked him.

He nodded and carried me the bedroom. I tried to ignore the punches in the wall and fallen picture frames. Chris gently placed me on the bed. We continued to kiss as I lay comfortably on my back. This was a satisfactory compromise with Jill. I got to have my man and she got to be the woman she always was. As we kissed, I reached for Chris’ pants.

“Is this really okay for you?” Chris asked me.

“There’s nothing wrong or odd about a woman wanting to please her man,” I told him.

Chris let me spring his cock out of his pants. I touched it at first and then began to suck him. I had done the same to Greg and Nick. I felt no sense of awkwardness as I worked on him. Chris shuddered as he was about to cum. I swallowed him without any disgust. I licked his balls for good measure.

“Wow, Jacky. That wasn’t bad at all,” Chris complimented.

“Not bad, huh? I want to practice on you more,” I told him.

“Yes, ma’am,” Chris smiled. “Let me do something nice to you now,” he offered.

“This one is free,” I told him and fell back down on my pillow.

Chris kissed my forehead. “Get some rest.”

“That wasn’t bad at all”
-Chris

My name is Jill. After I had healed, I went to senior management to reverse my official complaint against my male co-workers. I didn’t care for any of those assholes, but I had made a deal with Jacky. The woman manager gave me a skeptical look.

“Were you pressured in any way?” she asked me.

I couldn’t very well tell her it was my other personality that was arm twisting me. “No,” I replied.

“Very well,” the woman said with a look of frustration. “However, other women have come forward as well.”

“Oh?” I wondered.

“It would seem you have also made unwanted advances,” the manager said.

I felt a chill go through me. What had Jacky done? “Such as?” I asked meekly.

“Sexually suggested mockery and unwanted stares,” the manager said.

“Come on, really? I asked not believing what I was hearing.

“This company is tolerating and accepting of the LGBT community, but it does not tolerate sexual harassment no matter where it comes from,” the manager told me.

“So, you going to fire me?” I asked.

“No, all of you will be attending mandatory sexual harassment classes starting next week,” the manager said to me.

“You’re the boss,” I said meekly.

“I know,” she replied dismissing me.

I walked down the hallways back to my cubicle annoyed. “Wow, what a bitch,” Jacky said walking by my side.

“This is all your fault,” I hissed at her. A co-worker happened to be walking by us.

“I’m sorry?” the co-worker asked confused.

“Not you,” I clarified to her.

I waited for the co-worker to be out of ear-shot. “She’s too uptight,” Jacky said defensively.

“This isn’t college or high school,” I told her.

“The guys have done far worse,” Jacky excused.

“I hate you. I hate you all,” I muttered as I sat down at my desk.

***

Jane had scheduled doctor appointments for me to undergo plastic surgery to feminize my face. I didn’t think it overall necessary at first, but I was reminded that Jacky was able to pass for a boy. With Jacky agreeing, I decided to go through with it. Jane had already done the preliminary work. All I had to do was schedule the time for the surgery. I had no idea why Jane would care about her face while wanting to kill herself.

The night before the surgery, I ate and drank nothing as instructed. As soon as I went to sleep, Jacky took over.

***
My name is Jacky and today was the big day. I was abandoning any chance of passing as man. Even if I wore masculine clothing, cut my hair short, and applied make-up there would be no way to pass; might as well since I now had breasts and no dick.

I was still getting used to being an observer when Jill was in control. I witnessed unspeakable depravity in the bedroom. Jill was truly a freak. I couldn’t believe it. It was as if years of repression had suddenly exploded like a volcano. There was no way I could compete with it or even want to. I still felt embarrassed to even moan or dirty talk to Chris.
So, it was no concern to me when Jill moved my body around in the kitchen. She opened the fridge and took out a sandwich.

“Hey, we’re not supposed to eat before surgery, remember,” I reminded her.

“Oh, I remember alright,” Jill replied.

She proceeded to eat the sandwich quickly, make a brand new sandwich, and put the plate back in the fridge. “What the hell, Jill?” I asked her.

“Oh, it’s not Jill,” she said to me.

I felt a chill as I realized what was happening. This was Jane, and I was royally fucked. I couldn’t control my own body. I could only observe as she went with Chris to the hospital. Jane undressed and put on a hospital gown.
“Why are you doing this?” I yelled at her.

She ignored me and allowed an IV to hook up to her wrist. The anesthesia did the trick, and we were both out.

***

My name is Jill, and I am dying. I awoke with a sudden start struggling to breathe. I had vomit all over me, and I was chocking. The medical professionals worked to get the vomit out of my lungs and throat. I was too under the influence of the drug to truly appreciate what was happening. I was later told that I had almost died.

As the anesthesia wore off, I was questioned by the surgeon. “I didn’t eat anything. I swear,” I said groggily.

The surgeon turned to Chris. “She must have eaten something recently. From the looks of it, a sandwich. We gave special instructions for her to not eat anything,” he said seriously.

“I didn’t see her eat anything this morning,” Chris said concerned.

“You will need another surgeon,” the surgeon said and then left us.

“Jane did this,” I gasped once the surgeon was gone.

To my further embarrassment, my parents came in to see me. My parents were used to the fact that their son was now their daughter. However, my recent suicidal behavior had unnerved them. My father decided he needed to talk to me about it.

“It’s not my doing. It’s a hostile personality named Jane,” I told him.

My father gave me a haunted look. “Is that what she calls herself or did you name her?”

“She calls herself Jane. Not very original, I know,” I muttered.

My father said nothing for a long moment. “Let’s take a ride,” he said finally.

I left the hospital with my father not knowing where I was going. We drove towards my parents place and then passed it. I wondered where he was taking me until we reached a cemetery. I felt uncomfortable as we arrived. Nothing good came of a cemetery.

My father took a deep breath as he entered the cemetery. I could tell that this was taking a heavy toll on him. “You sure you don’t know why her name is Jane?” my father questioned.

“I just figure it’s another ‘J’ name like Jack, Jacky, Jill, and so forth,” I guessed.

My father could tell I was completely ignorant. “Okay,” he said and went through the graves.

We finally arrived at a particular tombstone and stopped. “What’s this?” I asked and then looked down: Jane ____ 1980-1999.

I stared long and hard at the tombstone. She had my last name, but I had no recollection of her. “A cousin?” I assumed.
“You really don’t know?” my father asked, his face filled with grief.

I turned to Jacky for an answer. She shrugged. “Your older sister,” my father revealed.

I stared at him in disbelief. I never had a sister. It was impossible. This Jane died when I was six-years-old. I then turned to Jacky. She had told me that her earliest memory of me was when she was six. I always figured I had always existed since birth.

“What is this?” I asked horrified.

“Your sister died in a car accident. You and your mother were spared, but you suffered amnesia. For some unexplained reason, you completely forgot your sister existed. It was as if your mind blocked her out,” my father said.

“We talked with shrinks, and they suggested we should stop talking about Jane. We thought it best that you continue to forget than to relive the pain,” my father continued.

“But then you started saying you had an imaginary sister named Jane. At first, I thought it was some kind of cruel joke. Then I realized you weren’t going away. Every time Jack mentioned you, it was as if a wound had been reopened. I thought it was your way of not accepting that she was truly gone. Eventually, I got Jack to stop calling you Jane,” my father finished.

I stared at the tombstone and suddenly recalled a repressed memory. Jane, my mother, and Jack were in the car. Jane was distracted arguing with my mother over something petty. Suddenly, the car was hit hard destroying the driver side of the car. Jack was in a daze barely able to comprehend what had happened. My mother shrieked as she saw Jane’s lifeless body.

“Jane!”

Jack’s world became a blur as he was rushed to the hospital. As the memory became clear to me, it also became clear to Jacky. We were both shook up over it, but I was in control of our body. I felt the emotions rise to the surface and the Adrenalin rush.

“I remember,” I said softly.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. It’s just that you started calling this new personality of yours Jane again.”

It all made sense now. “I was created for Jack to cope with the death of his sister. This is the trauma that created us,” I realized.

“Yes,” my father confirmed.

I went to my knees and sobbed. “I’m not a real person. I’m just a coping mechanism,” I said.

“Come on, Jill,” Jacky said from behind.

“Don’t call me that!” I shrieked at her freaking out my father. I stood up and confronted my father. “You always hated me, because I reminded you of your dead daughter,” I accused.

“Yes,” my father admitted. “You were a perfect imitation of your sister. You spoke and acted just like her. It was as if my daughter was alive but dead at the same time. At first, I felt I was being mocked but you never went away no matter how much we tried.”

“When you started cross-dressing, you looked just like Jane. I couldn’t understand it. We packed away every picture and video of Jane. And yet, you looked just like her,” my father said.

“I’m a memory of someone else,” I realized bitterly. “All that I am is an imitation of her.”

“You have made your own path in life,” my father assured me.

“I’m not a real person. I was never in control. I am what Jack thought Jane would do. I had no right to make these changes,” I realized.

“An imitation couldn’t have done what you did for five years. At first, I thought you were Jack acting out. Now, I know that you’re real. You’re my daughter,” my father said to me.

“I can’t handle this,” I said becoming stressed out by all of this. My mind went spinning and then it went black.

***

My name is Jacky. I got to my feet and dusted myself off. “Jill?” my father wondered.

“It’s Jack…key,” I replied.

“What happened to Jill?” my father asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t sense her,” I said disturbed.

“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you,” my father apologized.

“I think I lost a few sisters today,” I said sadly. With some confidence, I knew that this mental breakthrough would end the other personalities. I would finally be a normal person. I had to lose a lot to get to this point.

“Is she truly gone?” my father asked concerned.

“I don’t know,” I said honestly.

***

I went home unsure of the future. Chris loved Jill, not me. He wanted a future with children with Jill, not me. I was an unwanted inconvenience. Now that only I remained of myself, I contemplated how I would tell him. The clinic had done a good job. I truly felt attracted to him in spite of myself. I also found women boring and problematic. After some reflection, I came to accept that if I wasn’t with Chris I would want a boyfriend rather than a girlfriend.

But I didn’t do any of that. I pussy’d out and tried to impersonate Jill as much as I could. I did chores and cooking at home, I went to work, and I pretended to be happy for Sarah’s pregnancy. At my job, I actually had to know what I was doing without any experience or education. Before, I had just shammed out allowing Jill to do all the work. I also had to do some bogus sexual harassment training. I was for the first time, truly alone.

My female boss came around and dumped some papers on my desk. “I need you have all this done by next Monday, and I need you complete your sexual harassment training by the end of the week. If you fail to get it all done, you’re fired,” she said.

I stared at the large stack of papers and then at my computer screen. Jill was not here to help me. I would probably get divorced soon. I would be forced to pay child support for Sarah’s kid for eighteen years. I was likely to be fired by the end of the week.

“Well…fuck.”

-Jacky impersonating Jill

To be continued…

Author’s Note: I have no insider knowledge on gay conversion therapy techniques. I make no claim that all or any clinics behave this way or that all or any of these techniques are used on patients. Suggestions for continuing this series are welcome.

Niki’s Story
(Spinoff from Black Ring I-III)

It all started when Jack, at the time, became my roommate. I was a mechanic engineering student and a total nerd. I kept to myself, played World of Warcraft with my overseas contacts, and tried to make the family proud back home. I was eighteen and felt an array of feelings that I had successfully repressed during high school. I found a way out of gym, never did any sports, and had very few friends. Those who were friendly tended to be girls who would never have dated me under any circumstances.

Jack arrived a week prior to classes start. He was White, slender, and upbeat. It was immediately obvious that he would be the dominate personality between us. I immediately felt torn as he appeared generally good looking. He got haircuts regularly, kept his skin free of acne, shaved consistently, and dressed nicely. I quickly found myself wanting to emulate his grooming habits. I couldn’t bear the idea of being criticized on appearance.

Throughout high school, I had struggled to determine my sexuality. I felt attracted to men, but I knew how much of a disappointment it would be to the family. I was the second boy in the family, and everything my older brother did was exceptional. My parents demanded that I be at the same level as him. Right away, I realized I would have to suppress any feelings of attraction for Jack.

“Good first day,” Jack commented on his first day of classes. “Oh, if you knock on my door, and I don’t answer immediately, it’s because I’m a heavy sleeper,” he said.

“Alright, good to know,” I said not realizing at the time that it was a lie.

Jack was a psychological anomaly. He harbored a male and female personality that would switch control roughly twice a day. I noticed an oddity with him when I saw that he never seemed to sleep. His light in his room would always be on, he would come to the kitchen to eat a snack at all times of the day, and he frequently watched television at odd hours. At first, I figured he would stay awake to cram for papers or midterms, but it became an everyday occurrence. I also considered the idea that he was one of those Thomas Edison geniuses that only got three or four hours a sleep a day.

At night, Jack would act a little differently. He would watch dramas on lifetime, cooking shows, fashion design shows, and chick flicks. He would also cook meals only to later put them in the refrigerator to eat several hours later. Occasionally, he would take walks at midnight around the neighborhood, and I noticed a quirk about him where he would mouth words as if he were talking to someone.

***

One day, he came into the kitchen during the day time which was odd of him. “Hi, how’s it going?” I asked awkwardly.
“Good, what you cooking there?” he asked.

“Just a dish that reminded me of my family’s cooking,” I said.

“Can I help?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said wondering what was up with him. He had never offered to cook with me before. While, I couldn’t detect it back then, there was a subtle voice difference in his voice. At the time, I had no idea I was talking to Jill.

We worked on the meal together, and I was surprised at how well Jack could cook. It was as if he had practiced this cuisine before. After the meal, we cleaned the dishes together. My mind wandered on the possibility that the two of us could do this more often. It was as if we were already a couple. I felt butterflies in my stomach at even the possibility.

“That was great. We should do this more often,” Jack said as we finished.

“Yeah, sure,” I agreed. I wanted to shout “yes” but I kept my cool. It was also very possible that I was overreacting to a very small thing.

He then did something I would never forget. He came close to me and kissed me on the lips. It was the first time anyone had kissed me before. I knew I should have resisted him, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want this to be fake. Never did I think a random roommate would also be gay. He not only kissed me, but he went down and grabbed my dick. He massaged my dick getting it instantly hard and then let go. He patted me on the shoulder.

“Until next time,” he said and then went upstairs to his room.

I stood there in stunned silence for several moments. Should I go after him to his room? Should I yell at him? If I didn’t immediately correct him, he would really think I was gay. But maybe that is what I wanted. Was it real? Was it him just fucking with me? How did he know I wouldn’t immediately shove him away?

To my regret, I didn’t follow up on it. I went to my room, took my clothes off, and massaged my dick thinking of Jack as I did. After I came in my hand, I realized then there was no going back. I truly was gay, and I would have to deal with the consequences. I wasn’t ready to come out, but I could no longer deny it. I wanted Jack, and I fantasized being his lover for the remainder of the year.

***

The next morning, Jack came down while I was watching TV. “That was a great diner last night. Want to do it again, tonight?” I asked hopefully.

Jack gave me a look like he didn’t know what I was talking about. His face was hardened as if there was a wall between us. He didn’t have the soft expression that he had the night before. “Maybe, we’ll see,” he said.

His voice was cold and indifferent, but I couldn’t let this moment go. I couldn’t let him leave like last time. I had to show him that he wasn’t alone. We were two of a kind, and he didn’t need to fear any backlash from me. I came over to him and kissed him on the cheek.

He gave me an odd look as if he didn’t expect it. Without a word, he left leaving me confused, empty, and crushed. Was I being played? Was last night a test to confirm my homosexuality? How could I like such a horrible manipulator? My roommate was an obvious sociopath. There was no way else to explain it. And then I felt a chill, as I began to realize there were signs of mental illness. He acted differently as if he were two different people.

***

That evening, I was in the living room watching TV when a young woman quickly went down the stairs and exited the door without saying a word. At first, I wondered if I had just imagined it. I quickly went to the door and looked out. The girl had left in Jack’s car.

My first alarmist thought was that this girl had broken into Jack’s room, stole his keys, and darted out. I proceeded upstairs and found his room locked. The door could be locked from the inside without a key, so I knocked a few times to see if Jack would answer. He didn’t, so I called his phone number, but he didn’t answer.

I considered getting the police involved but another more plausible explanation came to me. The girl was obviously Jack’s girlfriend. He was straight, and I had been played. For a long time, I just sat there staring off into space. My fantasy of being with Jack was gone. Not only did he not kiss me back this morning, but he had a girl in his room sometime this evening. I had been manipulated and violated, and at the moment I truly hated him.

***

Jack arrived early morning and found me in deep contemplation in the living room. He looked surprised to see me as if he wanted to sneak inside. “Who was the girl?” I asked hurt.

“My sister,” he said immediately.

“Oh, I see,” I said still feeling confused. I hadn’t asked about Jack’s family and neither had he about mine. I had always assumed he was an only child. It would make sense that his sister would have access to his room key and car key. Who else would he trust with that?

“You have something you wish to say?” he said rudely. His voice was cold and unfriendly. He was being a bully, and I had to stand up to him.

“It’s just that you have been given me some mixed signals,” I said and immediately felt pathetic and weak. I should have shouted and screamed at him. I should have demanded answers. Why was I so weak; so easy to abuse and bully by others?

“Oh, really?” he said sarcastically. “Nick, I’m pretty chill on the surface but deep down, I’m an asshole. Remember that,” he said. His face was menacing as if he really wanted to convince me. Maybe deep down, he was hiding the same feelings I did. In any case, I felt only anger and bitterness. I was angry at him for tricking me and angry at myself for allowing it to happen.

I went upstairs to follow him. I would demand that he give an explanation for why he had kissed me first and for his rudeness. As I approached, I heard ranting through the door. I couldn’t make out what was being said but Jack was shouting at someone. In my weakness, I decided not to disturb him.

***

The next morning, there were knocks on my door. I got up groggily and answered the door. I felt a chill go through me as it was Jack. He was going to tear me down once more. Instead of his hard cold expression, he was nearly in tears.
“I’m so sorry,” he said and then kissed me before I could stop him.

I wanted to push him away. He wasn’t going to manipulate me again. Jack kissed me with more enthusiasm putting his tongue in my mouth. I forgot who he was and just went with it. He then went low and pulled down my shorts. He stroked me a few times to get me hard and then started to suck me. I had never been sucked on before by man or woman. It felt so good that I couldn’t muster the will to protest. This was heaven. If only he wasn’t such an asshole. I began to think that he was just as conflicted as I was, lashing out.

I came in his mouth and gasped in pleasure. He quickly swallowed and got off his knees. “Let me give you one,” I said gratefully. I wanted the fantasy to continue. I wanted us to be real lovers giving each other pleasure whenever we needed it.

“It’s okay, Nick. We’ll keep this our little secret,” he said and then left my room.

I wanted to go after him but stopped myself. He was working this out his way. I just needed to be patient with him.

***

Throughout the day, Jack went up and down the stairs moving boxes into the dumpster near the apartment complex. When he was done, he came down wearing a black leather jacket. “I saw you move a lot of stuff out this afternoon. Anything wrong?” I asked curiously.

He gave me a cold look of disgust. “After winter break, I’m moving out. My parents will compensate you for the rent. In fact, you will have the place all to yourself,” he said with a snide smile.

I simply stared at him speechless. It didn’t make any sense. “I’ll be at my girlfriend’s place,” he said with a special emphasis on “girlfriend.”

So, the girl from before wasn’t his sister after all. It was his girlfriend that he had this entire time. My dreams were dashed. I wanted to lash out. I wanted to tell his girlfriend, whoever she was, that he was not true to her. He wanted it both ways. He was the epitome of every negative bisexual stereotype. I wanted to scream and shout but said nothing as he left.

As I contemplated Jack’s behavior towards me, alien thoughts entered my mind. “If I were a girl, he would love me,” I said to myself.

What followed were a series of triggerable moments. I casually surfed the web for examples of gay men who cross-dressed. They appeared straight to everyone in public but made love to each other as men in the bedroom. With finals over, I started researching more-and-more into drag queens and male-to-female transsexuals. I watched videos showing how shemales made love to attractive men. I saw dating websites specifically for shemales. I wondered how they could be successful in getting a man while I couldn’t.

With the apartment all to myself, I was free to experiment without anyone noticing. I discreetly started buying woman’s underwear and bras off the Internet. Once they arrived, I tore open the package and immediately put them on. Somehow, it felt right, and I became aroused simply by wearing them. I even wore woman’s underwear underneath my clothes and felt the excitement of no one knowing but me.

In my enthusiasm, I looked to see how much it would cost to buy female hormones. I never intended to transition at this point. I had heard that it could clear up my skin and make me less restless. I was a gay man that wasn’t getting any. Every time, I stroked my cock I felt ashamed. I would just try it and see how it felt.

***

A few weeks later, I saw a news article on Facebook of a brutal crash. A girl named Maria had been killed by a drunk driver, and a second occupant had been hospitalized. As I read on, I read that the survivor had been Jack. A school picture of Maria was on the site. She wasn’t the one that had been in Jack’s room. None of it had made any sense. Secretly, I wished Jack had died instead of that sweet girl.

Soon thereafter, Jack came to the door with the key he hadn’t surrendered yet. He quickly went upstairs without saying a word to me. It was like seeing a ghost. I hadn’t expected him to ever come back. He then went back downstairs and stared at me.

“Hey Nick, I’m sorry about how I have been acting recently. I’m not moving out after all,” he said sincerely.

“You were in the crash, weren’t you?” I asked delicately.

“Yeah,” he said flatly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I offered.

“No, I’m good,” he said sadly and went back upstairs.

I couldn’t understand the man but this wasn’t the time to argue with him. He had just suffered a huge loss. I thought it best to just leave him alone. Even so, I felt a chilling fear. Now that I wasn’t alone in the apartment, I had to conceal my activities to the confines of my room. I would have to be careful not to reveal my secret.

***

By late February, there were some noticeable differences to my face. If I didn’t stop self-medicating, my face could become permanently altered. I knew I had to stop, but I didn’t want to at the same time. Finally, the choice was made for me when I spotted a woman going downstairs and quickly leaving the apartment. I couldn’t believe that Jack had taken up a new girlfriend so quickly after such a loss. I ran out to see who it was and then saw the girl move towards Jack’s car.

“Who are you?” I demanded of her.

“Why should I tell you?” she asked sneering at me.

“You just exited my apartment,” I said obviously.

“I’m Jack’s sister. Now, bug off,” she said aggressively.

“This is Jack’s car,” I said stalling. I couldn’t tell if she was lying but there were some definite resemblances between them.

“We share it,” she said simply.

I looked for a clue that would give her away. Was she really Jack’s sister? Was she his girlfriend instead but why would she lie? Was she actually a burglar stealing Jack’s car. I then saw a scar on her wrist. It was the same scar on Jack’s wrist. It couldn’t be true. There was no way, but I had to make sure. It couldn’t be a coincidence.

“That scar…it looks like Jack’s,” I said continuing to stall.

I then looked at her carefully. It was more than just a resemblance. It was him. I had watched so many drag queen videos of before-and-after transformations. This was the best I had ever seen. His face looked perfectly feminine and so was his voice. He was perfect.

“It is you,” I realized.

“Fuck yourself,” she spat.

It was all the confirmation I needed. I had to get to the bottom of this. “"You seem very confused with yourself. You act indifferent to me, then you suck my cock, then you disrespect me, and now you're back to being indifferent. What are you?"

The woman eyed me angrily and retaliated. “You think you’re so different? You’ve been taking hormones, and you have woman’s underwear in your room.”

“How did you know?” I asked stunned. I could have denied it or kept questioning her. In my fear, I needed to know how I was so easily exposed. What had I done to make it so obvious?

“I broke into your room,” she said nonchalantly.

“You can’t tell anyone. If my parents find out,” I stammered trying to do damage control. This man, woman, person, whatever it was could destroy me if this leaked out.

“As it so happens, I have their number too. So, don’t fuck with me,” she said and then entered the car. She locked the car door and then drove off leaving me speechless.

Despite the odd situation, the power dynamic had shifted greatly. I didn’t have Jack’s parents’ number, and I didn’t know if they even cared. I couldn’t win in a game of mutually assured destruction. I had been caught by a roommate that had no qualms breaking into my room and leaving without a trace. This person was a monster toying with me with reward and punishment while all the way even more fucked up than myself.

I went back inside the apartment and contemplated self-destruction. I couldn’t live this way with a roommate that could destroy me at any moment. As I thought of the way to do it, the girl came back into the apartment startling me.

"I'm mentally ill," she began. "I have multi-personality disorder. That is why I have been inconsistent with you. I have a male personality and a female personality. Do you understand?" she asked me.

I simply nodded. "Right now, my female personality has taken over...ever since the car accident. There is no Jack. There is only Jill," she said.

"Are you Jill all the time now?" I asked.

"For the time being until Jack returns," she replied.

"I have seen you talk to yourself. There is another personality isn't there?" I asked.

"Yes, but he's not in control," she clarified.

I stared at her wondering whether to believe her. I knew this to be exceptionally rare but what she was saying fit the criteria. She had been acting like two different people. "If you have multiple personalities, how can I trust you? One personality could say one thing and the other could do another," I said.

"For the moment, there is only one personality in control. I haven't done anything against you," she said.

"Other than breaking into my room," I said annoyed.

"You are self-medicating. What do you think would happen to me if you overdosed?" she asked. Her voice was cold as if my self-destruction would be a slight inconvenience for her. She might have been the friendlier of the two personalities but not by much.

"I think we can help each other," I said finally. If what she was true, she was clearly mentally unstable. If I made her an enemy, we would destroy each other. I had to make her an ally.

"How's that?" she asked skeptically.

"You haven't taken any hormones or had any surgeries, correct?" I asked wanting to clarify a few things first.

"Right," she agreed.

"And yet, your voice and appearance are perfect," I said admiringly.

"I have years of practice," she revealed.

"You could teach me how to pass," I said hopefully.

"Whoa, I can't promise that," she protested backing away.

"If it were possible, if it could be done, you could help me do it," I said hoping I didn’t sound pathetic.

"Possible," she allowed. "What's in it for me?" she asked.

"I can get you the drugs you need for your own transition," I offered.

"I don't self-medicate. That's a bad idea," she rejected.

"If what you say is true, you will never be approved by the psychiatrists. You will never be able to transition through the normal way. As the years go by, it will be more difficult to transition," I pointed out.

"I have no intention of transitioning. Jack will return," she replied.

"What if he doesn't return?" I asked almost hopefully. He was a total ass.

"He will," she said stubbornly.

I simply shrugged. "Very well.”

"I'm not taking any of your pills, but I'm curious what I can do for you," she offered.

I brightened up not expecting this reaction. "When do we start?"

"Now," she answered.

***

I sat in a chair as this unknown woman began to work on my hair. I still had trouble believing this was the same person as Jack, a homophobic man that was a complete asshole to me. Yet, I couldn’t doubt it. She had admitted to it, she had the same scars, and I could see the resemblance in her face. She still remained in drag and spoke in a female voice as she worked on me. After she was done with my hair, she worked on my face expertly applying make-up. Once she was done, I stared at myself in the mirror. I could barely recognize myself. I looked absolutely feminine. No one could have known otherwise unless I told them.

She wasn’t finished yet placing fake breasts on my chest. They were pale in complexion contrasting greatly with my own tan skin. I just had to trust her that she knew what she was doing. She used an adhesive to keep the breasts in place. She then came back with a collection of clothes. I tried on a dress and looked at myself in amazement. The black bra completely covered my off-color breasts. I felt my chest wanting my breasts to be real.
It felt so exciting and right. Up until this moment, everything had been boring and wrong. This is what I should be allowed to wear. This was what I wanted to wear. If only I could outside this room. I tried on a number skirts, feminine pants, shoes, and even swim wear.

“Wow, I had no idea,” I said amazed.

“Now, we have to work on your voice,” she said.

We worked on my voice for two hours with some progress. She was patient with me as my voice cracked. By the time we were done, my voice was shot.

“Thank you for helping me,” I said gratefully.

“Sure, no problem,” she said amused. I was her eager experiment. I looked at her beautiful face, but I couldn’t help but see a little Jack in her. I then realized a new opportunity. Jack could come back, physically anyway, without the asshole personality. He was good-looking when he wasn’t scowling or sneering at me.

“We could be more than just roommates,” I suggested hoping she wouldn’t become offended.

“What do you mean?” she asked coyly.

“We’re both attracted to men, right?” I asked hopefully. In truth, I had no idea and just assumed.

“Right,” she answered.

“We can dress as women must of the time except for special occasions,” I said not daring to say the obvious.

“Alright, let’s make now a special occasion,” she smirked.

“Okay,” I said nervously and went to wash my face. I had never had sex with a man, not all the way. Could I really do it? What if this was all a ruse? What if his male personality came out and called me names or became violent with me?
After we were both undressed, we were two males looking at each other. I looked at him fearfully half-expecting Jack to return and tell me this had all been an elaborate prank to destroy me. Instead, the very male-looking Jack came over to me and kissed me. We kissed for a few moments and started touching each other’s bodies. Our cocks were both flaccid even as I felt aroused and excited to be with a naked man for the first time.

Jack went down to his knees and began sucking on my cock. He eventually got me hard and it felt as good as the last time he did it. I came into his mouth and felt a bonding with another person I had never felt before.

“That felt good, thank you,” I said lamely. I couldn’t bring myself to say I loved him. I just couldn’t wrap my head around his unique condition. I couldn’t allow myself to be that open and surrender to him.

“Your turn,” he said in a business-like tone. His voice was still female as if to assure me his personality had not changed.

I eagerly obliged sucking him until he came. Could I dare to hope that this could happen again, even become routine?

***

Over the semester, Jack became more comfortable dressing and acting like a woman full-time. She called herself Jill and from that time on that was what I called her. I didn’t have the courage to go out in drag for my classes. My mechanical engineering classes were small, and we all knew each other. Jill went to large lecture classes where she could enter and leave without being bothered by anyone. Other than class, I tried to dress as a woman as much as possible. If this was really what I wanted, I needed to act the part. At this time, I still held out the possibility of just being a gay man.

Jill went out in public completely confident. Her dress, make-up, hair, and voice were all perfect. Even if she was caught, she didn’t give a fuck what other people thought. I was always a nervous wreck, and I never spoke for fear of my voice giving me away. Jill was patient with me not pushing me to do something I wasn’t comfortable with.

On an almost daily basis, we would come to each other’s rooms and make out while as men. One day I requested that he penetrate me, but he denied me. It was understandable. He felt like a woman and wasn’t interested. I considered the idea of getting a dildo and do it on myself but then felt the need to ask him a few more times.

He eventually relented, put a condom on, placed a generous amount of lube on his cock, and then penetrated me deep. He was rough as if punishing me for even asking. This only made me feel more into it. It was painful and yet pleasurable at the same time. More than that, I felt closeness between us that made me want to bond with him. I put aside that his personality was female and wished that somehow Jack the man could love me. He fucked me missionary at first, then put me on my back, and then got me on all fours. He eventually came inside the condom leaving me exhausted.

He gave me a look as if daring me to ask for it again. He believed he had gotten out of my system and that I would never ask again. On the contrary, I wanted more. I could never be a straight man after this nor did I have any interest in being on top.

“You actually enjoyed it?” he asked skeptically as I must have had a euphoric expression.

“You should try it,” I said.

“I’ll pass,” he said disinterested.

A part of me was glad. I never wanted to be on top after this, but I had to explain to him my feelings. “It’s not just about the pleasure. It’s about being submissive during sex, being treated like a female. I imagine myself being a woman making love to a man,” I said.

He wasn’t convinced but a few weeks later, he asked it of me. When it happened, I tried to get hard with difficulty. The pills were making it increasingly difficult to get hard. I finally penetrated him and had difficulty staying hard. He didn’t moan or grunt. He just went with it until I came. Afterwards, it became apparent that I couldn’t be on top anymore. The hormones and my mind weren’t in it anymore. I would have to always be a bottom gay man or continue until I transitioned to womanhood.

***

Near Spring break, Jill brought home a real man to the apartment. I was in drag at the time and stared at him. He was impressively built and handsome. I was immediately attracted to him more so than Jack’s male body. “This is my roommate, Niki,” Jill introduced me.

“Nice to meet you,” Chris smiled.

I merely nodded too scared to open my mouth. I didn’t want to expose myself in front of such a powerful man nor ruin Jill’s date with him. “She’s a little shy,” Jill excused me.

Even after so many voice lessons, I couldn’t dare to speak. Chris and Jill chatted while I made my exit. I saw them kiss outside and then he drove off. I felt jealous but happy for her all at the same time.

“Thank God, you were in drag,” she said to me once she came in.

“Are you with that guy?” I asked softly. I didn’t know how to feel about this.

“We’ve dated a few times,” she said.

“So, what are we?” I asked.

“We’re girlfriends. We’re both women stuck in male bodies,” she said simply.

“But you haven’t transitioned at all. You just dress as a girl sometimes,” I pointed out. A part of me wanted her to stay male, to fuck me, and remain my boyfriend fantasy. If she fully transitioned or got herself a boyfriend, the fantasy would end.

"Niki, I can't be your boyfriend," she said bluntly. "When we were both boys, we saw each other as attractive. Now, you have small breasts and your dick doesn't work," she added.

I didn’t know how to take that. If I were a gay man, I would be irate at losing a male partner. However, if I was truly a woman, I wouldn’t want to be with a cross dresser that had a female personality. I would want a real man that dressed as a man and loved being a man. I was at a point where I had to decide what I really was.

"It's just that physically you still look like a man. It's a little unfair that I find you attractive but you don't with me," I said stalling.

"I can't transition," she said to me.

"Why not?" I asked. The emotional torture was becoming too much. I had an attractive man in the house that I had sex with that was now rejecting me. I wanted him as a man with me or completely female and end this struggle.

"Jack may return," she said flatly.

"Jack was an asshole," I said bluntly and then regretted it. Even if a sibling was an asshole, I would never wish them to be gone. Not my own brother, not for anyone.

"He's part of me, like my brother," she said.

"How long are you going to wait for him?" I asked softly.

"I don't know," she said honestly.

"You called me Nicki. I like that name," I smiled and then went back to my room to think.

It didn’t take long for Jill to barge into my room. "Take off your clothes but leave the breasts on," she ordered.

I obeyed her immediately. Once I was naked except for the fake now-tan breasts, she got on top of me and started kissing me. She massaged my fake breasts turning me and then went down on my penis. I imagined my penis being a clit as she sucked on me. I bucked my hips and arched my back as my penis became more sensitive than ever before. She then took my legs above her shoulders. Our yoga classes had paid off.

“You ready?” she asked me.

I nodded even though I hadn’t been lubed up. She penetrated me forcefully without a condom as I stroked my cock. Within a few minutes, I came on my stomach. She kissed me for a few moments and gave me reassuring words.

“I’ll stay with you until you find a real boyfriend,” she whispered in my ear.

***
I lay there stunned as Jill went off to take a shower. Even though she had a boyfriend of her own, she was still taking care of my needs. I tried to think of what I could give her in return. Once she came out of the shower, I entered. My nipples had expanded slightly and my breasts were swollen. I would require surgery to get rid of them but for the moment I could hide them from my parents if I always wore a shirt around them.

I had not yet finished my freshman year and would be dependent on my parents for another few years more. I was expected to come back home for the summer unless I convinced them that I could do summer school. In any case, I would be so dead if my parents ever found out.

***

Jill dressed as a man and went back home for spring break. I envied her ability to switch genders at will. It was becoming increasingly difficult to look normal. I was neither male nor female, somewhere in between. With Jill gone, I considered what she had told me. She would still have sex with me until I found a real man. I was a charity case. I was pathetic.

I decided to send messages online to gay men, anything to keep the fantasy alive. It was reckless and stupid. If they discovered I was transitioning, I could have been beaten or worse. Thankfully, I met a man that was understanding. I created a gay man profile and a separate profile that was completely honest about my transition. As it happened, the transsexual profile got the first hit.

James was a straight man, Asian, and very masculine. He was also a student, he liked to lift weights, play video games, and have sex. He treated me like a woman never allowing me to wear male dress in his presence privately or publicly. Every night of spring break, he came over to the apartment and fucked me raw. Unlike Jill, he really wanted to fuck me. He had me wear tan underwear with a hole in the backside when we had sex to cover up my male parts. He sucked on my nipples as if they were female. He would tell me that they were no different than a flat-chested girl.

We would have sex on the bed but also the floor, the kitchen table, the stairway, and even the couch. I instantly fell in love with him and always made myself available for him. After a wonderful week, Jill came back in drag and found us both fucking on the couch. He had his cock in my ass as he pulled my hair if I recall correctly.

“What the fuck?” she said as quickly closed the door.

“I’m so sorry,” James said getting up.

“How much does he know?” Jill asked me.

“Everything,” I said honestly.

“We’ll talk later,” Jill said and went upstairs.

“Should I go?” James asked awkwardly.

“Not until you finish,” I said to him.

He smiled at me, kissed me passionately, and then fucked me until he came inside me.

***

As the semester ended, I convinced my parents that I should take summer classes. I continued with my hormone treatments and felt emotional roller coasters I had never felt before. With James, I was the happiest I had been in a long time. He always treated me as a female and even showed me off to some of his friends. I became confident enough to talk to people in public in my new voice.

Jill, on the other hand, was lonely the entire summer. Her boyfriend Chris was gone. She took summer classes and stayed mainly in her room. In August, she came back to the apartment crying and went to her room. I figured she must have broken up with Chris. This wasn’t an act. She really was a woman crying over a break up. She didn’t want to be consoled, and she didn’t tell me about it.

However, not too long afterwards, she started dressing as a man, and I feared Jack had returned. Jill assured me that wasn’t the case but gave me nothing else. She dressed and looked like a man and even had dates with a woman. She never brought this woman to the apartment for fear of creating jealousy between them. I found it amusing that I had reached the point where I could pass so easily.

It didn’t take long before Jill broke up with this woman and started dressing as a woman again. “What gives?” I asked her.

“I couldn’t tell Chris the truth. So, I tried to be normal for a change and date girls like I am supposed to. I tried to fit in with society’s expectations,” she said bitterly.

“What went wrong?” I asked.

“She’s into girls. Go figure,” she said.

“I’m so sorry,” I said half-heartedly. In truth, I wanted her to embrace her femininity as I had and get back with her old boyfriend.

“I’m not unhappy we broke up. It’s just that I trapped. I can’t date men without being found out, and I am not into women,” she said.

“Why not transition now?” I asked her.

“I can’t. Jack could come back,” she said.

Jill always used that as an excuse for non-action. She eventually did get back with Chris, told him everything, and they stayed together as a couple during the fall semester. James continued to be good to me but something changed over the months. He insisted on sucking my cock even though I told him it wasn’t necessary. We got into kinkier sex when I put a strap on, and fucked him hard with it. He liked it so much that we did it more often.

In January, Jill had a serious reaction to medication and got herself arrested and then brought to the hospital. I checked up on her every so often and usually found Chris there. It was then that I began to wonder about my relationship. We were so sexual that we rarely spent time doing the normal things. Chris and Jill had yet to have penetrative sex, and yet seemed so happy together. I had been so happy at being accepted sexually that I had neglected some important things.
James and I continued dating and having sex. All the while, I continued hormone treatments that feminized my face and increased my breast size. I also made a point of losing weight and remaining perfectly hairless. I kept my hair short but feminine. My barber couldn’t even tell I was a man. The only obstacle to complete transition was my parents.

***

At the close of our sophomore year, Jill moved out and James moved in. She was working at a bookstore, as a man, and wanted to find a cheaper place. She was being punished by her parents financially for having the audacity to get a job instead of summer classes. I helped her move out and gave her a tearful goodbye. She would still be in town, but it wouldn’t be the same. She had given me hope and inspiration to go through with my transition.

However, as soon as James moved in things went downhill. He started asking me to not wear female dress and started making fun of my feminine mannerisms. He would allow his friends to joke about me and not defend me. In the bedroom, he would favor fucking me from behind and playing with my penis. He became anger with me when I refused to penetrate him with a strap on anymore.

While he was gone, I cracked the password onto his computer and saw large libraries of gay male porn. “No way,” I said to myself and then checked the whole hard drive for any other kind of porn. “He could be bisexual,” I said hopefully.
I checked his browser history and there was significant gay porn. I was beside myself. He had said he was straight but his recent actions were the opposite. Everything was starting to make sense to me. I scanned the profiles of his friends on Facebook and sure enough evidence came back that they were all gay men. His photo gallery had no pictures of any ex-girlfriends.

Could I even blame him? I was by all accounts still a gay man until I fully transitioned. I hadn’t even received an operation yet. When we had sex, a person could easily mistake us for a gay couple. How could I not see it after so many months? I felt like I had no right to question him about it but a part of my mind told me the obvious: he had lied.
It didn’t make him wrong. It just meant we couldn’t be together anymore. I wanted to be a straight woman with a straight man. It was simply a matter of compatibility. Still, I didn’t think I had sufficient proof.
“Can you stop wearing dresses and bras in the apartment? No one can see you,” he said annoyed.

“I’m transitioning to become a woman. I have to act the part,” I refused.

“You don’t have boobs, you don’t have a vagina, and you sure as hell don’t have an ass,” he said insultingly.

“I’m working on it,” I told him.

“I think you should give it up. It’s going to be expensive and painful,” he advised.

I decided I had enough. “James, are you gay?” I asked him.

“Fuck no, why would you say that?” he asked angrily.

“Why do you have a full terabyte of porn on your computer?” I demanded.

“You got into my stuff?” he asked outraged, and I saw fear in his eyes.

“You’ve been acting weird recently. All of your friends are gay,” I said.

“Fuck me,” he said shaking his head. “What the fuck does it matter? Don’t I fuck you enough?” he asked rudely.

“I am not a gay man. I am a woman and as a woman I am going to dress, speak, and act like a woman,” I said firmly.

“When are you going to knock this off?” he asked me. “Your parents will never allow it. You’ll never get the money to afford it. Even if you did, no man is going to go for a tranny. Save yourself the headache and start acting like a man again,” he said.

I was hurt and stupefied by what he was saying. I had always thought he had supported my transition and that he was straight. “You listed yourself as straight when we first met,” I said teary eyed.

“Things change,” he said simply.

“Not this. I knew I was gay when I was a teenager,” I said angrily.

“So, you think everyone is like you? People can change. I thought I was straight back then but now I realize it’s more complicated than that. Stop pigeon holing people,” he said.

He was trying to be more progressive than me, and I wasn’t having it. “You either love me as a woman or not at all,” I said finally.

“Alright, I am going to take a walk,” he said and left.

As he did, I felt empty inside. I thought I would never have anyone again and began second guessing myself. Maybe if I flung myself on him and told him I would dress as man but only when he was around things would be okay. In the end, I stuck to my guns, and he moved out shortly thereafter.

***

I took on a female roommate who was oblivious to my backstory. She never suspected the truth. With James gone, I felt free to dress as a female. The only time I ever dressed like a man was the occasional trip home where my strict parents applauded my grades. They actually had to use make-up to make myself look more masculine. One fateful day, they had a family meeting with me.

“Your brother is married with children now. He has twin sons,” my father said pleased.

“Good for him,” I said in my male voice.

“The family legacy is secure. I hear his wife is pregnant with a third child,” my father continued. “He is my heir.”

I felt uncomfortable with this. I didn’t care about my parents’ money but it sounded like they were throwing me away. “You are the second son. You do not have the same pressure as your brother to continue the family name. I only ask that you do not bring shame to the family,” my father said.

“I have worked hard at school,” I said feeling belittled.

“Ah, but there is more to one’s character than school. I have suspected for some time that you are a homosexual,” my father accused.

I felt a chill go through me. “Of course not,” I denied.

“Do not lie to me,” my father said disappointed. “We have proof from one of your boyfriends.”

James had thrown me under the bus. He must have discovered my parents address from a letter. I couldn’t imagine what he could have sent to my parents as proof. I was royally fucked!

“I can tell from your face that it is true,” my father nodded.

“I may have had discretions,” I allowed.

“More than that, I am afraid,” my father replied.

I got on my knees and bowed my head. “I will do whatever you want to regain your trust, father,” I said sincerely.

“Hmmph, you cannot change your nature. No more than I can make this cat behave as a dog,” he said while holding the family cat.

The evil cat glared at me. “You condemn me?” I asked fearing the answer.

“There is no place for a practicing homosexual in the family. I will give you three honorable choices. You can be a celibate monk the rest of your days. You can do your family duty, marry a woman, and have children with her…”

“Father, I…,” I protested.

“What? Do you believe your mother and I loved each other at first sight? Our marriage was arranged by our parents, and I have been faithful to her this entire time. Throughout history, men have married ugly, repulsive, and disagreeable women, because it was their duty to the family. Do you put your carnal desires over duty?” he asked.

“No,” I was forced to say.

“So, as I was saying, you can be a celibate monk, a married family man, or…

I couldn’t hear the rest. I was doomed to a miserable life. I was dependent on my family and would be cut off if I didn’t comply. Once my father knew about my illegal hormone treatments, he would cast me out or force me to undergo surgery. All because I refused James; why could I have just played along for a little longer until I had my degree?

“Or you become a married woman and godmother to your brother’s children,” my father finished.

It took a few moments for my brain to realize what he had just said. I looked up in confusion. “So, the third option intrigues you, doesn’t it?” my father asked condescendingly.

Had James revealed my transsexuality to my parents? Would he really go that far? Was my father joking hoping to catch me? Transsexuality was a dishonor and shame beyond anything else. It would be better if I killed someone and went to jail for life than that.

“Merely curious,” I said flatly.

“I knew a family that had a girl who married an infertile man. They remained childless but supported the family as expected. This girl was loyal to her husband all her days, dressed respectfully, walked properly, cooked exquisite dishes, and watched over the young children of her husband’s siblings. We all knew who she really was, but she acted with such feminine grace that we did not put them to shame,” my father said.

“An interesting story, father,” I said lamely.

“As it happens, there is a respected family who has a son without…testicles. It was due to a motorcycle accident, I understand. It happened to him fairly recently, so have no doubts that he grew up strong and masculine. His testicles were replaced with synthetic balls,” my father detailed.

“How unfortunate,” I muttered.

“But fortunate for us!” my father said wide-eyed. “I could ‘arrange’ a meeting between you two to discuss shared interests.”

I stared at my father. What the fuck was I supposed to do? It was clear what my choices were. I had to go along or I was finished. “I…would be happy to meet this young man,” I said finally.

My father nodded. “You are not yet presentable,” he said and left the room.

***

My mother was terse and annoyed with me as she took me to the mall to pick out clothes. She chose a number of slim dresses, and C-cup bras. “I don’t think these will fit,” I said dryly.

“You will lose twenty pounds by end of this year,” she said scornfully.

I sighed embarrassed by this whole affair. What made matters worse is we were shopping for me while I was still in male dress. My mother bought me high heels that would presumably fit me. “I’m not really a fan,” I said awkwardly.

“Nonsense, your legs will look slimmer this way,” she said.

We went to the hair section where my mom found extensions. “I kind of like it short,” I said.

“Your hair makes you look like a boy,” she said annoyed.

Ultimately, I stopped arguing with her and followed her home. Once I was home, a family doctor was already present. “Strip,” my father ordered me.

I complied as my parents left the room. The doctor examined me thoroughly, didn’t speak to me, and simply wrote notes. I kept my mouth shut as he touched my swollen chest. Shortly thereafter, I was given pills from this doctor.

“You will show progress,” my father demanded of me.

“Yeah, sure,” I agreed.

“In six months, you will meet this young man,” my father said. So, in six months I needed to be presentable or lose everything. My father was rarely direct with his words, but he was with his actions. I went home humiliated yet somewhat satisfied. I hadn’t been cast out or beaten into submission. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted in life but there were worst things. Soon thereafter, I was made to get an appointment for breast implants.

***

It was then that I got an unusual phone call. Jill visited my apartment wearing full female dress. Despite my progress with the hormones, she still looked better than me and it pissed me off. “Well, hello, Jill,” I said pleasantly hoping she would complement my voice.

“Alight, does cash work for you?” she asked bluntly.

“Come inside and we can talk about it,” I said. “Want a glass of water?” I asked her.

“Sure,” she said taking the glass.

"So, guess what? My parents thought it would be an even greater shame on the family if I lived as a gay man. They said that if I behaved as a straight female, they could pass me off as their daughter and bring 'respectability' back to the family," I said bitterly.

"If only my parents were so understanding," she replied.

"Yeah, so, they're paying for the hormone treatment and the eventual surgery," I said.

"So, you're going through with the whole thing?" she asked.

"Of course," I said. She then placed a number of pill bottles on the counter. "You take too many, and it won't do you any good. You can't speed up the process by taking more than prescribed," I instructed.

"Got it," she said.

"You do it wrong and you'll end up with a heart attack or stroke," I continued with genuine sincerity. I also didn’t want to be part of an overdose investigation.

"Let's discuss money," she said changing the subject.

"As I said, my parents are paying for everything. I don't need your money," I said.

"So, what do you want?" she asked confused.

I smiled amused as I played the same kind of mind games my father would play on me. I got close to her across the table. "I want your dick," I said seriously.

"What?" she asked as if she hadn’t heard me.

"You heard me. You haven't been taking hormones, so your dick is good and strong. I want to know what it feels like to be in a straight relationship with a man," I explained.

"First of all, I may look like a man but mentally I am all woman," she objected. "Second of all, what you're suggesting is basically prostitution. I mean, what happened to your old boyfriend?" she asked.

"He cheated on me with another man. Who would have thought he was gay?" I said disappointed.

"Yeah...who would have thought," she muttered as if she knew.

"How many women have you slept with as your male self?" I asked.

"One, but it was an accident," she said awkwardly.

"An accident? Like your dick just fell in her?" I mocked.

"It's complicated," she replied not wanting to discuss it further.

"Well, that's one more than I have. So, you know how it works," I said obviously.

"Yeah, I got the mechanics down. We've done this before," she reminded her.

"That was different. I want you to treat me like a real woman," I insisted.

"How am I supposed to do that?" she asked.

"Practice," I said obviously.

"Are you insane? The idea is for me to transition into a woman. How does fucking you as a man accomplish this?" she asked.

"Even while on hormones, your dick will still work. Once your transition is complete, we stop having sex and become girlfriends," I said excitedly.

"Yes, because that's how it works. When we go shopping for bras, I am just going to have to forget I once had my cock in your ass," she said crudely.

I giggled at that and then became serious. "You wanted my terms. That's what I want," I said.

"Look, I have a boyfriend of my own now. This is technically cheating," she said.

"So, don't tell him," I said obviously. I didn’t want to put her in this position, but I was dying to get some dick before I was sentenced to marry a man without testicles.

She simply stared at me wondering if I was totally serious. "Allow me to consult my other personality," she asked.

I nodded knowing well enough she was nuts. She walked over to the dining room to discuss the issue with her other personality in private. She came back a minute later.

"It's a deal," she said.

Jill reluctantly followed me to my bedroom. She looked over my room noticing what a difference a year could do. I unzipped my dress dropping it in front of her. I puffed out my chest showing her C-cup breasts and then cupped them in my hands.

“They look good,” she complimented.

“Could you tell the difference?” I asked.

“A man wouldn’t,” she replied.

I smirked at that and leaned against the bed. She sighed and started taking her clothes off. "When you come back to me, I want you dressed as a man,” I ordered.

"Very well," she said annoyed.

She got out of her clothes until I was naked in front of her. "I think we need a condom or something," she said awkwardly.

"Not this time. This is freebie," I said going to my knees.

I pulled my underwear down and then touched my flaccid penis. "Act like you enjoy this," I ordered and put my mouth on her.

***

Jill came over two weeks later, and I was ready with my demands. She was dressed as a boy and I immediately mentally prepped myself. I was going to get fucked by a real straight man. His name was Jack, he loved coming over, and taking me to bed. As required, Jill put a condom on and a generous amount of lube. I got on all fours and waited patiently as he penetrated me. He grabbed my hips and started fucking me hard. He wanted it to be over quickly but that wouldn’t do. I would distract him by having him touch my breasts or kiss me; anything to stop him from cuming too quickly. He was never to touch my penis. I didn’t even want to know it existed. He was a man and I was a woman, period.

I cried out not caring if he gave me dirty looks. I didn’t even need to see his face as he hammered me from behind. Eventually it became too much, and I fell on my stomach on the bed. He continued to fuck me while I was on my belly until he finally came. He grunted like a satisfied straight man.

Exhilarated, I looked behind as a very male-looking Jill took care of her condom. “We’re not done yet,” I said ambushing him in the shower. I kissed him all over as we got clean. “I know a better conditioner,” he began.

“Stop,” I shushed him. “Stare at my breasts,” I ordered.

He complied but disinterested. “Rub them,” I ordered.

He did an amazing job working on my breasts as I worked on my longer hair. Once we were done, I noticed she had brought her bag. “Hurry up and get dressed, so we can go clubbing,” I told him.

***

What followed were several weeks of Jill coming over as a man, giving me a great fuck, and then us hanging out as girls at the club. Chris would occasionally show up completely oblivious to our business relationship. All of our fun came to an end when Jill collapsed during a jog with Chris. She had a brain aneurysm that nearly killed her. Jill’s parents found out about her self-medicating and our business relationship was over.

“My parents are giving me the drugs I need to transition. I made a deal with them,” she said.

“You too,” I realized.

“They have private eyes spying on me to make sure I dress as a woman at all times,” she said bitterly.

“That’s mental,” I said although I was paranoid my parents were doing the same.

“I am going through with everything. The whole operation,” she told me.

“Same. My parents want to marry me off to a friend of the family who has no balls,” I said.

She smirked at that. “Maybe he’s the one that should be the wife,” she joked.

“Yeah, well, the pictures give me the impression he’s manly. I would give him my balls if I could,” I said honestly.

“He still has a dick, right?” Jill asked concerned.

“Yeah, he’s got synthetic balls, so you can’t even tell,” I said.

“It does take the fun out of squeezing them though,” Jill remarked.

“Or kicking them,” I smiled.

“Ouch, I could never kick a man in the balls after what I have been through,” Jill said.

“You’re going to marry Chris, aren’t you?” I asked her seriously.

“I hope so,” she said.

“Well, I’m likely to get married before you do,” I said sadly. “I’ll get you an invite. You’ll be the only white person there,” I said awkwardly.

Jill looked at me sympathetically. “It’s not like the old days. If things go south, you can escape.”

“Thanks,” I said.

***

Under obligation, I met Tom at a botanical garden. I had my hair long and made perfectly straight and shiny and was wearing a summer dress. He greeted my parents while wearing a suit and tie. After some small talk with my parents, they left me alone with him.

“Pleasure to meet you,” Tom said politely.

“Same,” I said awkwardly.

He gave me the male gaze for a brief moment and then the two of us walked through the garden avoiding eye contact with each other. He discussed his job and what he had done at the university. I was barely listening. With his suit on, I had to use my imagination on what he might really look like underneath.

His face was clean shaven without imperfections. His face looked almost beautiful. His hands were delicate as if he had never worked with his hands before. His voice was normal, but I could tell he was putting some effort into his speech as if being very careful not to offend me or more importantly my family.

After walking through the garden, he asked me out to dinner which had already been planned in advance. We made small talk about our studies at the university without going into personal details. By the time dinner was over, I didn’t feel I really knew him at all. All throughout, he was polite but seemed bored.

Afterwards, I assumed Tom would call the whole thing off. So, when another date was scheduled I was actually shocked. It soon became obvious that he was dealing with some family pressure to date me, because he quickly changed his tone with me by being a total ass.

He looked me over with a cold stare. “You have split ends. I know a place that can help with that,” he said.

“Thanks,” I said a little surprised by the criticism.

He also took the opportunity to critique my dress and shoes. While still polite on the surface, I could tell he was trying to push me away. He was looking for me to call the whole thing off. Unfortunately, I was under pressure to keep giving Tom a chance.

During one of our dates, I wore a white t-shirt and pants. He commented that he could see my nipples bulge from my t-shirt and that my bra was the wrong size. I shot back that I didn’t know too many men that would complain. I figured threatening his sexuality would piss him off, but he simply shrugged it off.

***

During this dreadful month, I met Jill for lunch. She had gotten a boob job since we had last met. I was actually curious to see them uncovered but felt it would be too weird to bring it up. She was quickly catching up to me, and I felt an irrational fear that maybe she would end up finished before me.

“It’s like he’s trying to sabotage us before we even start,” I said irritably.

“Maybe he is,” Jill said.

“It’s a real shame. He is good looking,” I admitted.

Jill saw a picture of Tom on my phone. She shrugged and gave it back to me. “Not really my type,” she said.

“Because he’s Asian?” I asked trying to provoke her.

“Not really. He’s too effeminate. You sure he isn’t gay?” Jill remarked.

“What gives you that idea?” I asked not detecting any such thing.

“It’s the face. Something about it isn’t right,” Jill said vaguely.

“Well, he is missing his testicles,” I reminded her.

“That could be it,” Jill allowed.

***

After a brutal month of having every aspect of my appearance criticized, I went on the offensive. There was very little to work with though. His choice of suits and shoes was perfect. He never wore outrageous ties, and they were always straight.

“You slouch too much. It’s bad for your back,” he told me while we were at lunch.

I straightened up and gave him a defiant look. “You still ride?” I asked hoping to piss him off.

“A motorcycle? I don’t ride,” he replied.

I gave him a flustered look. “I just had the impression you did.”

“How odd,” he remarked.

From that point on, I began to wonder about the story my parents had told me about Tom. I invited him to the beach, and he hesitantly agreed. At last, I would be able to see him underneath the suit he always wore. It was also an opportunity to show off my curves in my new black bikini. It took a while to “tuck” myself but it was worth it. Looking in the mirror, no one would know the difference.

He met me on the beach as planned wearing swim shorts and a t-shirt. “Nice day, isn’t it?” he asked awkwardly.
“Yeah, nice and sunny,” I replied.

I wore sandals as we walked, but he was in his tennis shoes and never took them off. For some odd reason, I wanted to see his feet. “You know, the feel of the sand on your feet is great,” I encouraged him.
He simply nodded and glanced at my feminine looking feet. I had taken pains to make them presentable. “Want to swim?” I asked him.

“Not a good idea: rip tides,” he replied.

I had never known this beach to have rip tides and wondered what he was talking about. “Well, I want to cool off. Care to join me?” I asked him.

He followed after me as I went waist-high in the water. I just loved it as the water would crash against my ass and flow around my breasts. Tom reluctantly took off his shoes and reluctantly entered the water while still wearing his t-shirt.
“You going to get your shirt wet,” I teased as the ocean water had already soaked it.

“It’s fine,” he replied back.

I gave him an odd look. I had thought most men would enjoy taking their shirts off at the beach and displaying a nice muscular chest. I was almost tempted to take my bra off to encourage him but thought better of it as I noticed other people were watching me.

He never did take his shirt off the entire time we were on the beach.

***

Jill smiled in amusement as I detailed the event. “Maybe, he has a horrible chest scar from the motorcycle accident,” she suggested.

“When I mentioned a motorcycle, he acted like he never rode one before,” I objected.

“Careful, he could be suppressing a bad memory,” Jill advised. She would know after the car accident that nearly killed her.

“I want to know what’s underneath that shirt,” I said curiously.

“There is another explanation…no way, it couldn’t be,” she chuckled.

“What?” I asked impatiently.

“He could be like us,” she replied amused.

“You mean he’s growing breasts?” I wondered.

“No, the opposite. He did have breasts,” she said holding her own for emphasis. “But now they’re gone,” she smiled.

It took me a few seconds to register. “That’s crazy,” I rejected.

“Even crazier than the story your parents told you about him?” Jill questioned.

“Yes, that’s a lot more plausible than this,” I said stupefied. The very idea was absurd. There was no way my parents would have tried to pair me off with…

“Oh my God,” I realized the truth.

“Yep,” Jill confirmed.

“What do I do?” I asked unsure of myself. I had never confronted such a possibility.

“You have to confront him about it,” Jill said.

***

Before I would question Tom about this, I decided to search the records of his university. I found his graduating class but Tom’s name was nowhere to be found. I found a number of students with the same last name and zeroed in on a particular name: Tam. Searching for Tam, I finally found her picture in the yearbook. The resemblance was striking: this was him. The picture of a stone-faced young woman was the same person as Tom.

I felt a chill as I concluded my investigation. Tom had been born a woman, a female-to-male transsexual. The story about the motorcycle accident was all a ruse. He had no balls, because he had never had balls. He didn’t feel comfortable taking off his shirt because of the scars. It was the reason why he was so critical of my appearance. He knew everything I had done incorrectly, because he had lived years of his life as a woman.

I took a moment to process this. I had no doubt in my mind that I was attracted to men but could I love a man with no dick? Was he really a man at all? And who was I to judge? No, I didn’t have to settle for less than what I wanted. I wanted a man with a penis, end of story. I didn’t have to lower my standards just because I was a transsexual. That’s not how it was going to be. I was going to confront him and call the whole thing off.

***
Tom and I met to play a friendly game of racquet ball at the club. I felt a little uncomfortable bringing up the subject while being alone with him in such a confined space. As it was, he was kicking my ass easily. I had never been the athletic type but damn.

“Tom, we need to talk,” I said after I had regained my breath.

“What is it?” he asked almost bored of me.

“Were you born female?” I asked bluntly.

He gave me a look of shock and then defensive anger. If he had been a real man, he would have just laughed it off. What I saw from Tom was genuine fear. “What are you talking about?” he demanded.

“I was told you lost your balls in a motorcycle accident and now you tell me you’ve never rode one. You never take off your shirt,” I began.

“You want me to take off my shirt?” he asked rhetorically.

“I do,” I replied forcefully.

“Fine,” he said and then proceeded to take off his shirt.

I expected long scars indicating breast removal and nipple reduction. Instead, I saw nothing out of the ordinary. It was a normal male chest with even some chest hair to boot. My confidence in my theory started to erode.

“Satisfied?” he asked.

“I want to see your dick,” I said softly.

“We’re not at that level, yet,” he replied.

“When then?” I asked incredulous.

“After the wedding, if it happens at all,” he said annoyed.

“That’s not good enough. I want to know what you got now,” I demanded.

“You’re one to talk. I know everything about you,” he said insultingly.

“Who did you fuck over to get arranged to someone like me?” I asked. “What crime could you have committed for your parents to force you to marry a tranny like me?”

Tom had nothing to say to that. “Just call off the engagement,” he said simply.

“No, not until I know the truth,” I replied.

“What does it matter?” he asked becoming slightly upset.

“I have already made peace with it, if you tell me everything,” I said.

“What do you want to know? If I have a dick or a vagina?” he asked rhetorically.

“To start with,” I said obviously. “Can you still have children?” I asked.

“Wait…you’re suggesting…no, never,” he rejected.

“It’s a hell of a lot easier than a surrogate,” I said amused.

“You’re out of your fucking mind if you think I would let you impregnate me after everything I have been through,” he said confirming what I had discovered.

“So, it is true,” I whispered not wanting to believe it. Our parents had set us up together to correct two problems at once. My parents had sought out family that had a female-to-male transsexual just for me.

“I don’t even know if it would work,” I said honestly.

He was visibly distressed at this point. “I can’t be with you knowing that you know about my past,” he said finally.

I got close to him to reassure him. “If we are together, you will always be the man. Whether, you have a real dick or a fake dick, I just want to be fucked hard,” I said.

“God damn,” he replied softly. “You really mean it?” he questioned.

“Before the wedding, I want your best,” I told him. Although my voice was confident, my mind was in turmoil. Could I really do this? Only a few years ago, he was a woman. But Jill had fucked me as a man and was now a woman now. She was great as a man. Real men had just been disappointments.

“Alright, tonight then,” he said regaining back his confidence.

He had been a woman and could teach me to act and behave as a woman should. I had been a man and could teach him how to be a man. In a twisted way, it was a perfect match. I followed him out of the gym and then drove with him back to his house.

***

I had never been to the house his family had given him. There was nothing feminine about it. Instead, there was a male-looking study, pool table, game consoles, a library of only male authors, a liquor collection, and sports memorabilia. Tom had over-compensated to the extreme.

“We should shower first,” he said now confidently.

It made sense. We were both sweaty from racquetball. “Okay,” I said a little nervously wondering what I would end up seeing.

He led me to a large bathroom with a shower that could easily fit two people. He casually took off his shirt and shorts. I noticed that his body was strong and lean. He hesitated briefly, turned his back to me, and took off his underwear. I didn’t get to see his front as he entered the shower. I felt a little uncomfortable exposing myself to him. I was also ashamed of mis-gendered parts. I took my time taking off my clothes and then entered the shower with him.
“It’s okay,” I assured him.

He turned around giving me a normal male torso with defined abs. I lowered my eyes and saw what I had figured out weeks ago. Where there should have been a penis and testicles was nothing. I had never seen female parts before in real life before. I titled my head indicating to him that it wasn’t a big deal. He then touched my breasts feeling the implants in his hands. He nodded as if to confirm what he already knew.

“We’re both kind of fucked up,” I remarked.

“Maybe we are,” he smirked.

“Get your cock and take me,” I told him turning my back.

He exited the shower and came back a few moments later. I kept my eyes away from him not wanting to see it or how he was putting on. I just wanted to imagine there was a man in the shower with me. He put his hands on my hips, and I took a deep breath knowing the pain would soon follow. I had no idea whether he knew what he was doing. Had he fucked real women with this cock before?

He then moved closer to me and then I felt it. It was soft yet sturdy. It felt like real flesh. I didn’t dare turn around and risk the fantasy I had created for myself. It was a real flesh-and-blood penis. That’s all I needed to know. He gently and cautiously pushed farther in. I sighed as he penetrated me for the first time.

“You alright?” he asked me.

“Yeah, keep going,” I encouraged him.

He pushed all the way to the hilt and slowly moved back-and-forth rubbing me the right way. I placed my hands on the wall of the shower and pushed into him. “Faster,” I whispered.

He complied picking up speed. He placed his hands on my breasts keeping me steady. My legs were starting to become weak as I was getting close. Finally, I couldn’t wait any longer and started stroking my dick. It immediately shot out, and I gave a feminine moan.

“That was easy,” he said pleased with himself.

In my sexual euphoria, I wondered just how many girls he had fucked before me. “Aside from me, have you ever fucked a man?” I wondered.

“Never and that includes you,” he replied.

I turned around and stared at his masculine face. I looked down and saw a very realistic fake cock. “Take it off. I’ll lick you until you cum,” I offered.

“Don’t worry about it. It rubs me the right way whenever I thrust,” he said.

“Oh, okay,” I said. Still, I didn’t think it was enough. I got close to him and started kissing him. He held me and returned my kisses. Yes, this could work. One day I would get him pregnant and have our first child but until that day, he would be my husband.

***

Soon thereafter, I told my parents I would marry Tom despite his “condition.” My parents never confirmed Tom’s true nature, and I never told them. Tom’s parents also kept up the ruse acting as if he had always been a man. The only ones that would know would be the immediate family. So, at the wedding, hundreds of relatives and friends showed up none-the-wiser. I wore a beautiful thin wedding dress and spent hours in the make-up chair. My make-up artist and hair dresser had no idea I had once been a man.

After the ceremony was over, I bumped into Chris and Jill. “Glad you could come,” I said to Jill. She gave me a hug. She had recently gotten her sex-change operation out-pacing me. It didn’t matter though. I had come to terms with my male parts. There was no need for any operation until I had a child or two.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Jill smiled.

Later, I would go to Jill’s wedding but something was off about her. During half the day, she acted like she didn’t recognize me, and her mannerisms were different.

On my wedding night, I took a pill to get my dick hard and ready. I lubed it up good and then saw my naked husband on the bed waiting. “Hopefully, we only have to do this once,” I smiled.

“Whatever it takes,” he allowed.

Someday, he would get himself a flesh-and-blood penis, and I would invert my own into a neo-vagina. It was only a matter of time but tonight we would have use the tools we were born with. I kissed Tom to reassure him and then slowly pushed inside of him. I had never penetrated a female vagina before. It was warm and moist. I cautiously moved around a little and then worked to cum as quickly as possible. I knew Tom was feeling pulses of pleasure, but he kept his mouth shut giving nothing away. In spite of myself, it did feel kind of good.

I finally spilled my seed into his womb and was immediately tired from the effort. After a brief recovery, he went to fetch his fake cock. “Now, the rest of the evening is mine,” he smiled.

***

A few months later, after an exhilarating game of racquet ball, I hit the showers. Despite my best efforts, Tom easily defeated me. I almost enjoyed being defeated. If I were to win every time, Tom might feel his masculinity was threatened. I took a shower stall, stripped in private, and then enjoyed the warm water. I never stripped down on the common floor for fear of someone freaking out and reporting me. When I got out, I was in a new set of clothes with a towel around my long hair.

Jill entered the locker room in a tennis outfit. She looked a little more masculine since the wedding but of course she wasn’t wearing any make-up this time. Jill stripped down and put her clothes in a locker. She had a slight difficulty getting her bra off but was soon naked in front of me. Her body was perfectly shaped making it impossible for anyone to know anything was amiss.

I was about to greet her but something was odd about her. There was something in her walk and movement that raised alarms. I couldn’t pinpoint what exactly at the time, but this version of Jill was different from before. She gave me a strange look giving me elevator eyes as she looked over my body.

I waited for her to recognize me or acknowledge I was real. Instead, she smirked at me and then went past me to the showers.

I looked back as she disappeared inside the shower stall. I felt a sudden chill as I realized what was going on.

Jack was back.