How'm I gonna get myself out of this one? I mean, it was kinda funny at first, but...
How do you exlpain to your parents you're on your school's all girl cheerleading squad when you're a guy?

Oh, Cheers
By Melanie Ezell
Part 1: GO!

So, in all honesty, maybe it wasn’t the most brilliant of ideas. But hey, when you’re a freshman with no friends, and seen as one of the biggest wimps in your school to boot, a stupid idea can sound like a pretty reasonable option to obtain a little popularity.

At least, until it backfires.

My name is Dane Phoenix. I’m fourteen, and one of the smallest kids in my class, due mostly to what the doctors found out is a pretty bad hormone imbalance. Apparently my system doesn’t produce testosterone like it should. I was cleared for hormones at my last appointment, and I start them on Monday, but until then…

I think I coulda avoided this entire mess if it wasn’t for that jerk Thomas Brody. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a total weakling- I’m a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, which is pretty good for a fourteen year old, and I’ve also been doing gymnastics for the past two years ‘cause it’s the closest thing I know of to pro Parkour training, and ever since I saw a video of kids doing Parkour online a few years back I’ve wanted to be able to do all that stuff too. Anyways, the point is I know how to move and how to defend myself, but let’s face it, when someone picks you up from behind by a fistful of hair, it’s kinda hard to fight back.

“Hey flamer, where ya goin’, huh? Girl’s rooms are the other way, or are you still pretendin’ to be a guy?”

“Flamer? Heh, good one.” While I seriously doubt he intended the pun, it had a kind of ironic humor to it.

“You makin’ fun of me you lil’ lezzie? Or are you a faggot? I can’t tell one way or th’ other.”

TB does stuff like this to me all the time, and has ever since the fifth grade, but it’s been getting a lot worse lately. The least he could do is show a little creativity. Not only that, but the angle he was holding my head at was really starting to hurt. “Come on, Brody, we’ve been in the same class for years, and you’ve been saying the exact same things since the seventh grade. Why don’t you just crawl back into your tidal pool and leave me alone?” A junior boy passing us in the hallway snickered when he overheard me, but all it got from TB was a jerk on my ponytail that pulled me completely off my feet. I couldn’t help screaming, but can you really blame me?

“C’mon, TB, let ‘im go.” My feet hit the ground again, and I managed to raise my head enough to see Patty standing there with her hands on her hips.

Okay, so I was perhaps being a TAD dramatic when I said I had no friends at all- everyone has a few people they ‘hang out’ with, after all- but Patty is really more like my sister than my friend. We’ve been close since we were babies, our moms were best friends when they were our age, and our families had even moved together to Brighton almost five years ago. Even back then, she had a tendency to get me out of- and into- lots of tight situations.

“Really, Thomas, I don’t think the teachers would like it if you were to get in trouble for fighting again. And with how much you’ve gotten in trouble already this year you’d get suspended for sure, maybe even expelled. Do you really want that?” Hah! I just wish I could see his face now!

“Whatever.” I could hear the contempt dripping from his words as he let go of my hair and pushed me forwards, sending me sprawling across the tile in the middle of the hallway. The sound of him stomping angrily away was interrupted by the bell indicating only five minutes left to get to class, and Patty bending down to help me up.

“Hey, just forget him. He’s just an asshole, that’s all.” I looked up at my friend. She was one of the tallest people in our class, and at five foot eight she towered over my five even frame. That, along with her athletic but not bulky build meant no one ever seemed to mess with her, and I was more than a little jealous since I’m one of those people that look like a stiff breeze could bowl them over, even though she complained a lot about guys being intimidated by her.

I sighed heavily and shrugged. “Yeah, I know. Thanks for the help, but I think we’d better hurry or we’ll be late for class.” I knew she was right, but after so long I was just so tired of him picking on me! I had to find a way to get him to stop, or at least get enough respect from the other guys they wouldn’t let him get by with it any more.

“Ooh, yeah, the cheerleading tryouts, I forgot! You’ll be there to support me, right?” Patty asked me as we passed the bulletin board outside our history class.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Hmm, I wonder…..

===

“Good afternoon, and welcome to the Brighton High cheerleading tryouts!” Applause erupted around me as fifty girls started clapping for Lisa Gilbert, the Captain of our cheerleading squad. All eyes were on the tall raven-haired girl as she crossed the basketball court to the center line where the judge’s table was set, mic in hand.

Our school, while not the smallest place in the world, isn’t exactly what you’d call the most modern of places when it came to a number of policies, our cheerleaders being one of them. Guys aren’t even allowed to try out for mascot, they’re THAT anal about it. Patty squeezed my hand tightly; I was only here as here ‘immoral support’ after all. On the other hand…

I felt really lucky my cell phone had a camera on it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no perv, but what better way to get in good with the other guys than give them a bunch of pics of cute girls flashing their underwear for all the world to see? Felt bad about what I was planning to do, and I knew I’d be racked with guilt if I actually went through with it, but I’ve been getting picked on by Brody for so long, you gotta give me a break! ‘Sides, it’s not like I’m sneaking into the locker rooms or something and catching them naked.

Lisa coughed lightly into the mic, and the entire group seemed to fall silent instantly, their attention completely focused on her. “As you all know, about a third of our squad graduated at the end of last year. While we did do tryouts then to fill their old spots, an +ahem+ unfortunate accident cost us several more members over the summer.” Heh, accident indeed- the girls got drunk and drove one of their parents’ new Jaguar through a window- right into the front office of the police station. “We’re looking for ten new girls today, five for ‘B’ team and five backups in case someone else gets hurt. You may not get a position, but you’re all winners just for being here today.” Ooh, that was a bit too saccharine, doncha think? On that note, she sat down her mic and led a few of the other cheerleaders, apparently our judges for today, in a short demonstration of some of their basic cheers, and I took the opportunity to snap a few candid shots I might be able to use.

I tried taking pictures like I’d planned for a while, but it wasn’t long before I abandoned that idea in exchange for simply enjoying the performances. It was a stupid plan anyway, and the more I thought about it the more I realized I couldn’t do that to these girls. Besides, Patty would kill me if she found out- it just wasn’t worth it, but the show definitely was.

It’s embarrassing, but since I’m in gymnastics and Patty wanted to try out for cheerleading, I’d been drafted into helping her with practicing the more acrobatic elements of the cheers. ‘In return’, as she put it, she taught me all the hand motions and counts and things so she’d have someone to practice with, so I know a bit about the whole cheering thing and guess I can tell a good cheer from a bad one. Some of the girls trying out weren’t bad, though none of them were as good as Patty or the girls already on the squad, but some of them were absolutely terribly. One girl actually tripped over her own feet on her way out onto the court!

At the end of the tryouts I figured there were maybe seven girls, Patty included, good enough to make it on the squad. In the end I was sitting alone on the bleachers, waiting for Patty to finish up in the locker room.

“Hey!” I turned from watching the locker room to find a pair of ice blue eyes staring at me from under a mane of thick black hair. Lisa! “Did you want to try out?”

I just looked at her, dumbstruck.

“Come on, there’s still time left!” She then leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Besides, you can’t be as bad as some of the girls who already tried out, yikes!”

“No thanks, I’m not-“ I was cut off in mid sentence as she drug me from my seat to the middle of the tryout area and returned to her seat of power. What’s going on- no, wait. She can’t. Does she think I’m a girl?

“Okay, come on, show us what you got!”

I shrugged. I mean, what the hell, it’s not like I have a chance anyway, is it? Since I’d practiced with Patty, I decided to just do one of our school’s standard cheers.

‘BRIGH-ton HIGH we ARE the BEST,
WE play BET-ter THAN the REST.
And IF you’re WEAK then STAY a-WAY,
BRIGH-ton BRIGH-ton ALL the WAY!’

I finished up with a cartwheel and splits, just to have a little fun and show off a bit. That was probably a bad idea.

“Not bad, not bad! Looks like you already know some of our basic stuff, good deal! Hmm, just for fun let’s see you try this.” She pressed a couple of buttons on the boom box next to her, and after a short delay one of their cheer songs came on.

Heh, and I knew this one, too. I’m more into Punk and Ska myself, but Patty’s practices had taught me more than I ever wanted to know about pop music. I started in on the fourth beat with a big armed ‘V’ thing, to a high kick, to a funky Tae’bo punchy thing, and so on and so forth. Hey, so what if I don’t know all the techie terms! It was actually a lot of fun doing all this stuff with Patty, and alone was no different; by the time I finished I was sweating, but I also had a big grin plastered on my face, I knew.

That changed quickly when I heard the applause. I spun away from the cheerleaders to find almost every girl from the tryouts clapping for me, with Patty right at the front, whooping and hollering. God, I was so embarrassed!

I felt someone approach from behind me, then I heard Lisa begin to speak. “Well done, everyone! Thanks for your time, and I promise we’ll have the votes posted on the bulletin board at lunch tomorrow.” Then she turned and spoke to me! “What’s your name, sweetie?”

“D-d-dane P-phoenix.” The audience still had me pretty rattled, and why did she need my name? Oh god, what have I done?

“Thanks.” She turned quickly and returned to the table where I heard her discussing something with the other cheerleaders, then a few hasty notes being scribbled. Were they going to report me for being there during the tryouts or something?

I made my way towards the door as quickly as possible, and Patty met me there. “Well, well, little Dane wants to be a cheerleader?”

“Shut up! I’ll explain later.” Not that I had any intention of explaining, really. And on that bright note, we headed home.

===

School the next day started out pretty normally, and while I hadn’t quite forgotten about the incident with the tryouts the afternoon before, I was working really hard on it. It was only the third week of school, so classes were just starting to pick up, so I was working my way through the mid-week busywork when I heard a squeal and looked up to see Patty jumping out of her seat.

“The results are up!” She trilled as she dragged me out of my seat and towards a crowd of girls gathered around the lunchroom bulletin board where Miss Cole, the cheer coach and Algebras teacher- weird, huh?- was posting the list with all the formality possible when you’re surrounded by thirty screaming girls.

After a while the two of us finally managed to push our way through, finding ourselves almost pressed into the bulletin board by the mass of cheer psychos behind us. The list was arranged loosely worst to best, starting with the rather polite ‘Honorable Mentions’ and progressing down to the new squad members. So, let’s see where Patty placed!

‘Honorable Mentions’? Nope, not there, thank god!

‘Backups’? Not there either! That means…

Yes! There she is! “Hey, Patty, you made it, congratulations!”

I turned towards her, expecting her to begin some sort of happy cheer jig, but I was stopped dead by the look of shock on her face. “I’m not the only one, look again,” she said in a daze, staring at the list. It didn’t take long for me to find what she was talking about, and shortly thereafter I was wearing an expression similar to hers.

Like most, our school has a two-part cheer team. The first part, or ‘A squad’ as they are usually called, does all the big stunts and has all the best members on it, while ‘B squad’ is kinda like backup, fleshing out the routines and helping with the biggest of the formations. All of the positions the girls had been trying for were on ‘B squad’, with I guess the intention being to move the best of the established members up to ‘A’. But there on the list was a single name set aside from the others and in bolder, larger print. As my vision began to fade, those four words kept cycling before my eyes over and over in my head.

A SQUAD- DANA PHOENIX

===

“Ohmygod, is she okay?”

“Just shock I think, or probably just a Drama Queen.”

“D? D! Wake up!”

“Wait, that’s the Dana that make ‘A’? But she’s so young!”

I pried my eyes open to see Patty leaning over me with a concerned expression, and Miss Cole right behind her.

“I think ‘e’s coming ‘round,” I saw Patty mumble as her face brightened a bit.

“God, I’d kill to get on ‘A’ squad.”

“Well, now’s your chance, if you’re quick about it.”

“Shelby!”

“Girls, down! Are you alright, sweetie?”

I tried to lift my head, and nearly passed out again. Ouch. “What happened?”

Patty coughed. “You were looking at the list and I guess when you saw your name…”

Oh. Yeah. Shit. I closed my eyes for a moment to try and calm my stomach, but was shaken by Patty the instant my lids met. “Hey, ease up, wouldja? I ain’t dead you know.”

She laughed at that. “Yep, you’ll be fine. I did try to catch you when you fell, but everyone panicked and I just couldn’t. You got a pretty nice bump on your head, but those pink streaks hide it pretty well.”

“They’re not pink, they’re red.”

“Not any more.”

I just sighed. Stupid cheap hair dye. “well, sor-ry, I’ll redo them when I get home.”

“Oh, don’t do that!” A voice I recognized as Lisa’s butted in. “The pink will look like SO cute with your new uniform!” Uniform- right. Double shit.

“Uh, Lisa, about that-“ I started, but she quickly cut me off.

“Oh, I know the tryouts were just for ‘B squad’, but after your like totally perfect performance of our cheers,” —drat Patty and her constant practicing!- “well, even the other girls, and Coach Cole too, agreed you were like ‘A squad’ all the way! Oh, please say yes!”

O-kay. Moment of truth, here. “Sorry, but I’m not a giRFGHTG!”

“She’s not really all back yet. Of course she’ll do it.” Patty, how could you? I tried to speak again, but she still hadn’t taken her hand off my mouth, and when she kicked me I yelped and gave up. “Oops! You poor dear, here, let’s go to the nurse’s office and get you fixed up. I’ll get our uniforms after school, ‘kay Lisa?”

“Uh, yeah, great! See you then!” A quick hug from Lisa later, and I was being dragged down the hallway by Patty. We stopped in an alcove outside a classroom, and when I finally got out of her grip I was mad as hell!

“Patty, tell me, just what the hell do you think you’re doing? I can’t be a cheerleader, I’m not a girl! Or did you forget that little tidbit, like in second grade when you tried to talk Joey Reymond into kissing me?”

“You’re still mad about that?”

“YES! Not only that, but what about Brody, huh? He’ll just love this, his favorite target trying out for the cheer team. What little respect I get from the guys’ll be gone, too!”

“Oh, give it up, Dane. You wanna know something?” She didn’t wait for my answer before she continued. “Most of the kids in school think you’re a girl already! Don’t ask me why, with the way you dress. Fuck, most of the kids who even know you exist think you’re either a tomboy or a lesbian! Do you have any idea how many times Sarah Blackwell has asked me to dump you and go out with her?” I snorted- Sarah acted about as bad as TB, but with marginally less facial hair. Then I thought about what she’d said- now I was really pissed.

“Well, if you know all this then why don’t you try to correct them? You’re supposed to be my best friend! Anyways, starting Monday things’re gonna change, I’ll start growing and nobody’ll think I’m a girl then!” Great, now I was crying, too!

Patty’s slap, while not hard, brought me back out of my self pity and into current events, and she seemed just as mad as me. “I have tried, don’t you DARE think AI haven’t! It’s stunts like what you pulled yesterday that make it so hard, though! And your hair, I mean, oh my GOD, what were you thinking! It is like REALLY pink now- heck, with that hair you look even girlier than me, and it just ain’t fair!”

Just fan-freakin’-tastic, now she’s crying too! One thing did come of her speech, though, and that was that I calmed down- a lot. Was she really jealous of me? Well, as far as I was concerned I’d trade her for height and muscles any day. I guess we both have our problems, huh?

If there’s one thing I can’t stand to see it’s Patty crying. Even when we were little I’d do anything to make her stop, and not much had changed there, but when I moved over to try to hug her and let her know things were okay, she pushed me away. I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything different though, considering the exchange.

“Patty… look, I’m sorry, okay?” No response. “Fine! It’s just, like, why did you tell them I’d be a cheerleader? Do you have any idea how much trouble this is gonna get me in?”

She sniffled for a moment, shuffled nervously, then finally after what seemed forever she threw her arms around me, the tears streaming down her face. “I’m so sorry,” she croaked. “I just thought, well, since I was doin’ it it’d be fun if we both did it. And, to be honest,” she stepped away and smiled at me sheepishly, “I think you’d look like really cute in the skirt.”

“Pssh, whatever.” I just rolled my eyes- that sounded a lot more like the Patty I know. I gave her another hug, all forgiven if not forgot, and we headed out for class just as the last bell started to ring.

===

“Hey! HEY! Speedy Gonzalez, wait up!” I turned around just in time to catch Patty hurling around the corner narrowly avoiding the trophy case, two garment bags in hand along with her book bag and purse. The end result was an odd, lumbering shuffle where the bags all seemed to be in competition to see who could hit the ground first. I quickly made my way through the crush of homebound students to try and help her, and with a relieved huff she handed off one of the garment bags to me. Jeez, no wonder she was shuffling, these things weigh a ton!

“Whoa, hey, what’s in this things, Solomon’s Crown? No, wait, maybe it’s a boulder! An anchor?”

“Oh, ha ha ha, real funny, D. Come on, its your new uniform.” I stopped in my tracks and just stared at her dumbly. “Oops- sorry, THIS is your bag; that’s mine.” We switched garment bags, and if anything this bag was heavier than the first!

“God, Patty, how can such a skimpy outfit weigh so much?”

“Well, actually there’s a bit more than just the basic outfit in there.” She held up her hand and started counting off things on her fingers. “There’s the game outfit, the winter lycra, the competition outfit, the practice clothes, the shoes…”

“Wait wait wait wait wait. Practice clothes?”

She shrugged. “Sure, it makes sure we look like a team even when we’re off the field.” Oh, okay, I guess that makes sense. What about…

“How did they know what size to give me?” I started looking all over the bag for a size marker or something, but couldn’t seem to find one.

“Oh, are you worried your skirt won’t be short enough or something?”

“Hey! I didn’t want to do this, and still don’t- I’m only going along with it for the moment so I can prove to you tomorrow I can’t pull it off. Maybe if you see my trying to coordinate with others you’ll see how much I really suck.” I’ve never really been one for ‘school spirit’, can you tell?

“Pssh, whatever.” She just waved my tirade off with one of those ‘you’ll see’ expressions she knows I hate.

We got to the end of my street and split up, Patty heading on down Hazel to her own place just a little further away. As I made my way up the stairs of our apartment complex it occurred to me- what are my parents gonna say if- no, make that WHEN- they find out? Luckily they were both gone when I got in, more than likely still at work, so I made my way straight to my room to hide things as quickly as possible.

And yet I couldn’t help it. Call it morbid curiosity, but after dinner I locked my door and pulled out the garment bag again. Dumping the entire contents on my bed, I went about looking through all my new girly bits.

-One ‘Game uniform’, blue with white stripes and things. The mandatory ultra-short pleated skirt didn’t look like it’d do much to cover the +sigh+ matching bloomers.

-One ‘competition uniform’, blue with red and white accents, how patriotic. No pleated skirt on this one just slits on both sides almost up to the waits, guaranteeing the red bloomers would be on display at all times.

-A white lycra leotard thingy or whatever it’s called with tights. I thought I’d seen the girls wear these under the uniforms in cold weather, though they didn’t look all that warm.

-One pair plain white tennis shoes. What the hell are Aesics? Whatever, at least they aren’t all that girly, though the pom-pom socks take care of that pretty well.

-Pom poms. Huh, I thought they kept these at school? Guess not.

-A gym bag with the school logo on one side? Well, that’s not too bad. Oh, the other side says ‘cheeraholic’ in pink script. Joy.

-My. God. They CAN’T expect us to practice in this, can they? I mean, these shorts are smaller than my boxers- what am I supposed to do, go commando? Gross!

A note at the bottom of the bag caught my attention as I looked over my new girly bits. The cheer coach was, it seemed, a good deal more interested in the personal touch than some teachers I’d had. The Xeroxed letter was still less than an ideal welcome, though at least her signature was the real deal.

DEAR MISS PHOENIX,

FIRST OFF, I WOULD LIKE TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON MAKING OUR SQUAD. I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO A WONDERFUL YEAR WITH YOU, AND THE ENTIRE SQUAD. CHEERLEADING IS ALL ABOUT TEAMWORK, AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY SPENDING TIME WITH OTHER GIRLS YOUR AGE IN AN ACTIVITY THAT WILL MAKE YOU FRIENDS FOR YEARS TO COME.

XOXO,
Juanita Cole

Hold up, ‘XOXO’? What teacher signs a letter to a student ‘XOXO’, anyways? It was obviously a form letter, as everything save ‘my’ name was photocopied, but still, that doesn’t change exactly what it told me.

I was now the not so proud bearer-to-be of these oh so fashionable cheerleader outfits, urgh.

===

I was just finishing up my breakfast and about ready to head out the next morning when someone started knocking on the apartment door. “Sweetie,” my mom called from the bathroom down the hall, “can you get that?”

“Sure, Mom.” I hollered back as I swung the door wide to reveal Patty, bright eyed and bouncing with energy, in a denim skirt and old ‘Boondocks’ tee. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Just thought I’d stop by to make sure you didn’t forget your stuff.” I turned a confused look on her before gazing back at my school bag, already set beside the door. “Not that stuff! God, you’re so blonde sometimes,” she huffed exasperatedly before leaning close and whispering “your cheer stuff, remember?” All the blood seemed to drain from my body, and I let out a small “Eep” a second later when Mom entered the room.

“Oh, hey Patty, stopping by to walk with Dane today? Well that’s nice of you! Dane, what’s the matter, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

I took a gulp of the juice still in my hand before I answered. “Fine, Mom, just fine.”

“Well, okay… I’m off to work, don’t forget to lock up on your way out! Bye kids.” And with a final hug and a tug on the door, my mom was gone, off for another day of cutting hair or doing makeup or whatever it was she did at that salon anyways. She popped back in quickly to retrieve the bag she’d forgotten, though, and nearly gave me a heart attack when she did. “By the way, honey, come to the salon after hours and I’ll see what I can do about that godawful dye. Patty, you come by, too, and your mom can give you a trim while we’re at it.”

“Kay, Miss P, thanks.” A quick kiss on my cheek and she was off again. Once we were sure she was really gone, Patty turned to me and with a clap of her hands said “All right, now, let’s get that cheer bag ready.”

With way more excitement than I was feeling, she rushed me off to my room and began tossing my cheer kit together. She seemed to be in better spirits this morning at least, but I still wanted to strangle her when she giggled and called me. “Um, D?”

“Yeah?” I really didn’t like that giggle, or the look she was giving me now.

“Uh, I was just wondering, um… what kind of underwear are you wearing?”

“Boxers, why?” What did it matter what kind of underwear I was- oh, shit, I thought as where she was going hit me like a ton of bricks. “No, nononono, nononono, NO!”

“Oh, come on, D. You’ll have to use the girl’s locker room, and do you really want to try and explain boxers to the other girls?”

“I think I’ll have a lot harder time explaining what’s IN the boxers, thank you very much miss Bad Idea of the Year.”

“Well, with how little’s there it ain’t like they’re gonna notice!”

Ouch.

“Oh, God. D, I mean Dane, hey, I’m sorry, okay? It’s just, I mean, well, it won’t be the first time you’ve worn them either.”

“And if you want me to get over the Joey Reymond thing, then I think YOU need to stop bringing it up!” Back in second grade Patty and I made a bet about whether or not she could convince our new class I was a girl. I lost the bet- Joey lost three teeth. “Besides, this is different, I’m old enough to know better and I’m old enough the teachers aren’t gonna think it’s funny either.” Dammit, I hate crying, but I just can’t seem to stop it lately. Well, starting Monday, no more crying for me again, ever.

“Hey, I’m just trying to help.” She held up a brand new package of panties- I wasn’t surprised to see they were a thong style, either- and waved them enticingly at me, like it was some kind of treat.

===

“I hate you.”

“Yeah, let’s hear you say that when your birthday comes around.”

After much begging and cajoling, I wound up wearing a +blush+ thong to school. At least I won the battle over the bra with the excuse that it would show through my tee, but the look on Patty’s face told me that was only a temporary victory. Still, I’ll take what I can get.

“Quit picking at it, that’s disgusting.”

“Hey, you’re used to it!” Not having a panty line didn’t seem like much comfort in the face of The Eternal Wedgie. “Wasn’t it uncomfortable to you your first time?”

“Nah, if I don’t want a panty line I just go Commando.”

“Patty!”

“Just kidding, sheesh.”

At least I don’t have to worry about regular Gym. After noticing the beginning of my +ahem+ ‘problems’ the doctor gave me a school excuse for skipping gym, though a fat lotta good that was gonna do me now.

Nobody caught on all day, and while the quote unquote ‘unique’ feeling of the underpants kept me from forgetting what I was wearing, by the end of the day I wasn’t quite as uncomfortable as this morning, though I was contemplating replacing all my jeans with cotton slacks- that denim can CHAFE. Patty caught me before I managed to escape to the safety of the outside world, and after retrieving our kit bags from her locker drug me kicking and screaming- well, bitterly complaining anyways- to the gym.

The changing rooms- now THAT was interesting. Patty rejected my idea of stopping off in the toilet and changing on the way, and I guess she had a point anyways- it’d more than likely get me in more trouble than it was worth, if I was caught in there dressed as a girl. No real good could come of it. I just kept my head down and went straight for the stalls, changing as quickly as possible into the practice shorts and tank so lovingly furnished by the school, as well as the sports bra Patty insisted I take ‘for the sake of decency’. I was putting my hair up in a ponytail again as I headed back out when I heard Patty say something about “That time of the month” to one of the other girls, and decided I’d REALLY rather not know.

Seeing where the other dressed girls were already congregating, I headed on over to wait for whatever was next. +Damn, these outfits are tiny.+ Any time one of us left the vertical it was almost guaranteed some form or undergarment was gonna be on display (unless the girl in question subscribed to the Patty School of Freakiness, but still…) At least the clothes were comfortable and easy to move in besides the underwear, and I guess that’s the important part.

“All right girls, are you ready for some cheering?” Twenty-four girls seemed to start yelling and whistling at once as Miss Cole came out from the athletics office at the end of the court flanked by Lisa and another girl with mousy brown hair who I couldn’t place. “Alright, quiet down. First of all, thank you all for coming today, and for joining our group. We’re lucky to have every one of you, and I can honestly say I think we have what is quite possibly our best cheer team ever in this room right now.” Another round of cheers erupted for what I personally considered quite possibly the WORST introductions she coulda given. I mean, clichéd much? Regardless, she had to wait for the applause to fade before she could continue. “Easy, easy. Save it for practice! Now, so we can get started, I’ll introduce our captains. For first or ‘A’ squad, Lisa Gilbert, and for second or ‘B’ squad, Nancy Sullivan.” All the girls clapped it seems, but I couldn’t help the snort that erupted, spurned on by the images in my mind, and when I looked over and saw Patty frantically trying to control herself it all fell apart.

A shrill blast of a whistle brought me to my senses and almost to attention, and I found Miss Cole in front of me with a stern expression on her face. “And what is so funny, young lady?” She asked as she looked down at me. I couldn’t resist the straight line, but can you really blame me? I mean honestly.

“Oh, I’m-the-very-model-of-a-modern-major-general…” Patty took the next line, and we bounced back and forth for a bit before dissolving into giggles again. I was just lying there, laughing my- oh, shit. I was laughing in a teacher’s face, wasn’t I?

I glanced up nervously, trying to gauge her actions to see whether I should apologize or run, but was surprised to see a small smile on her face as I quickly straightened my shorts and tank. “+ahem+ Sorry ‘bout that Ma’am.”

“What’s your name, young lady?”

I cleared my throat again, trying to be calm. Patty bursting into a giggle fit again didn’t help. “Uh, Phoenix, Ma’am.”

She scanned down her list, and her smile soon widened. “Dana Phoenix?” I winced, but nodded. “Congratulations on making ‘A’ Squad, your tryout must have been quite impressive.” I just blushed. “Now, onto business.”

For the first half hour we went over some of the warm-ups and more basic cheers that the group would do as a whole. Then for the last half we split into our separate squads. Until now Patty hadn’t left my side, but since I was ‘A’ and she was ‘B’ we had to go to opposite sides of the court. It really wasn’t that hard, the moves repeated a lot and the gymnastics was all pretty basic compared to what I was doing in my other gymnastics class. Don’t get me wrong, though; the moves may have been easy to learn, but they made for quite a workout! By the time we left I was glad we’d packed a towel and a change of…under…wear…

That sneak Patty! She knew I’d use the stalls and STILL talked me into wearing these to school! Oh, well, what’s done is done, and at least our school went for a little decency with the showers, having individual booths and curtains, so I wouldn’t have to be naked in front of anyone.

Apparently not all the girls were as concerned with decency as I was, though. I was headed for the showers wrapped in my oversized towel- around the chest, of course, to hide my deficiencies- but felt someone grab it as I passed. I almost lost it, just catching it before my secret was discovered.

But not before my other one was revealed.

“Hey, nice tits!”

“Those’ll look real cute when you grow up a bit more!”

I wrapped the towel around myself again and ran into the nearest shower stall. That’s why I was excused from boy’s gym, after all, and what tipped off the doctors to my little problem. The flesh on my chest hadn’t grown all that much, but my nipples were definitely a bit on the feminine side, and there was enough growth there to make them stand out, no pun intended. I guess it at least gave me some credibility in here, but I still didn’t like the idea of the whole world seeing them! I rushed my shower and got changed into my fresh clothes as quickly as possible, managing to catch Patty outside, apparently trying to explain to Lisa and Nancy who Gilbert and Sullivan were. “You ready to go, Pat?”

“Yeah, sure. We should get to the salon just in time for closing if we hurry up.”

“Great job out there today, Dana! I knew it was a good idea to put you right on ‘A’ Squad, you’re a natural!” Nancy just gave me a smoldering look- what, did I take her place or something? “Next practice is Wednesday, can’t wait to see what you can do then!”

“Wednesday, got it. See ya then.”

We managed to extricate ourselves from the rest of the rabble of cheer crazies and get on our way, and we made it downtown to the salon without a hitch, if a bit later than we were supposed to be, since I had to talk to Patty about the whole underwear thing.

“I should’ve known it was a setup this morning, but you got me well and good.”

“What’re you talking about?”

“You knew there were booths to change in, but you STILL talked me into wearing those stupid panties to school. I should’ve realized when you packed an extra pair, wait, why couldn’t we have at least packed my boxers for afterwards?”

“Sorry, I just figured it’d be best if you were used to them by the time practice rolled around. I mean, you know how you were this morning, it would have been like WAY worse if you’d been that uncomfortable through practice, no?”

“Well, I guess, but still. Speaking of which, I still don’t know how they got my sizes for these clothes.”

“Oh, I helped with that,” she said happily. “I know what size you wear in guy’s, and so I just kinda converted that to girl’s sizes. You looked cute, by the way.” Great.

I know I was blushing, and before I had a chance for a retort we were at the salon. We walked in and took our normal seats near the magazine stand to wait for our moms.

The salon? Well, it’s this place called ‘The Cutting Edge’, like the movie. Our moms had huge crushes on D.B. Sweeney back in the day from what I’ve heard, so when they opened the place they used the movie for inspiration. It’s pretty popular, everything inside is decorated in an ice skating theme, complete with a movie poster signed by the stars! What can I say, our moms are kinda geeks, but pretty cool.

“Hey, kids! What took ya so long, did the Zoo mistake you for excapees again?”

“Ha, ahaha, ahaha. Real funny, Mom. No, I had cheer practice, and Dane stayed to watch me.”

Miss Lee gave me an appraising look before simply turning back to her sweeping. Then again, Patty coulda probably told her I’d been changed into an alien mutant and the only reaction I’d get is a notice not to get slime on the carpet.

“Dane?”

“I’m in here, Mom!” Like me and Patty, our moms had been best friends since they were kids. With their matching blonde locks and similar builds and heights they were often mistaken for sisters. I think sometimes it embarrasses Patty that at fourteen she’s taller than her mom and takes after her dad’s side of the family while, well, let’s say I’m obviously my mom’s child.

“I just finished my last appointment, come on back and I’ll see what I can do,” she called back as she started getting a seat prepared for me.

“Nothing too drastic, Mom, please? I know it was stupid to use the cheap dye…”

“I think the fact it gave you pink streaks is proof enough of that, honey.”

“I know, I know. Still, I was wanting to try some like really big spikes or something this year at Halloween, so I don’t wanna cut it.”

“Well, let’s see, I’ll trim the dead ends once I’ve figured out what I’m gonna do, but I’ll try to leave the length,” she said as she tussled my hair a bit. “Just leave it to your ole’ Mum, she’ll do ya right.” Her British accent was horrible, but still funny. I settled in and let her get to work.

I don’t know how much later it was when I awoke, but the instant my eyes opened I let out a groan. “Not again.” My mom has a bad habit- she likes to play practical jokes on anyone who falls asleep in her chair. Nothing too bad, but it was ‘cause of this same situation that I had two earrings in each ear, and over the summer she’d even given me a full French manicure once. “Oh, god.” Acrylics. Today just wasn’t my lucky day. “Mom, you didn’t! I have school, you know!”

“Oh, come on, it ain’t like you’ve never had’em before, and I did the same to your dad last February.” Heh, yeah, that’d been pretty funny. “Besides, blame Patty, it was her idea.”

“Mrs. Phoenix!”

“Joanne! Telling on my daughter, why I never thought.”

“Besides, she said the girls on the cheer team would think it was cute.” I gave Patty as mean a look as I could, but all she did was smile. “Come on, take a look at your hair and tell me what you think.” So, I got up to take a look.

Jeezus! And I thought the nails were bad! Okay, yeah, my hair was less pink. But, that’s only ‘cause the pink had been balanced out with some blonde and red highlights and streaks that make me look even more girly. Well, the overall affect was pretty cool, like something you’d see on like a famous musician or something, but it didn’t really look any more boyish than it had before.

“Sorry,” I heard Mom say from behind me, “but it was the best I could do. That dye you got was really cheap,” well, yeah, I got it from a costume shop, “but I wanted to damage your hair as little as possible, and if I’d done a bleach job it would have fried everything. As it is, I just added some darker colors in to help balance it out a bit with your platinum blonde without making it look all one color, which I know you hate. It’s this, or a razor down to the skin, your choice.” Well, when put that way, this wasn’t bad. She started playing with my hair, and I just leaned back into her hand and kinda purred a bit. I love having my hair played with- another good reason not to get it cut. ‘Course, that’s also one of the reasons I always fall asleep when I’m here- it’s relaxing, and my mom knows just how I like my scalp rubbed to send me out. I think she’s done it on purpose a couple of times, but I wouldn’t swear to it.

“I guess I can live with this, but Mom, you know how much I hate it when you do things like this,” I chastised her, waving my hands at her.

“Hey, you’re the one who keeps falling asleep!” Touché “If it makes you feel better Patty decided to get streaks to match yours.” Sure enough, her brunette hair was tempered by a range of blonde and auburn accents.

“It looked cool, so I thought I’d try it.” Joy.

===

Gah! Stupid alarm! Why’s it going off now? It’s Satur- Shit! Gymnastics!

No time for a shower this morning; besides, what good’s a shower right before I go do exercises, anyways?

Crap, and I’m still wearing that stupid thong, too. In all the excitement with Dad over my hair and nails last night I just kinda forgot about it. No, he wasn’t mad, after all, he’s used to Mom’s tricks by now, having been the target of a few of them himself. No, he thought it was funny as hell! I bet if I told ‘em about the cheerleading thing they’d just laugh at that too, and to be honest I’m not sure how that makes me feel. Ugh, gotta shake those thoughts away. Screw it, if I’m gonna have to wear ‘em I may as well get used to ‘em. I may be wearing a thong but at least it’ll be boy’s clothes on top.

I managed to get to the studio just in time to change out and get to line. “Glad you could make it,” Mr. Shaw, my instructor, said as I huffed and wheezed. It wasn’t long after that before we were warmed up and on our way. Despite only being a third year gymnastics student I was seeded pretty high in our local rankings, thanks to my natural ability I guess, plus I practiced some of the more traditional Parkour moves on the street a lot so I could take a fall well and get right back up and try again. From what Mr. Shaw has told me I’d be ranked even higher if it weren’t for my problems remembering all the terminology. What can I say, I learn by seeing and doing, and usually think in terms of ‘floaty hand thing’ or ‘twisty kick jump’ better than all that technical mumbo jumbo. It’s the same with my mom’s Sunday morning yoga; I can do all the moves, but the names just escape me.

We got a good hour and a half of practice in before a tweet on Mr. Shaw’s whistle brought us all back to line. “Great work again, kids. You’ve really impressed me this past year with how much you’ve grown- in fact, you’ve impressed me so much I thought I’d do something our small club has never done before. How would ya’ll like to try for state?”

State! Usually only the biggest clubs can even afford the entrance fees, little lone complete the ladder. All the others seemed to be enthused, so why not? “Heh, since it seems to sit well with you lot I’d like to introduce the sponsor of this opportunity, Miss Simone Gilbert!” An older lady bearing a striking resemblance to Lisa came out, wearing a stunning mauve skirt suit.

“Thank you, Mister Shaw, and thank you all for doing such wonderful work. I’ve been keeping tabs on this organization for some time now, but I finally think you’ve got a chance at winning this!” Over the next half hour we sat through a rather boring speech concerning expectations of our group and so on. Turns out this lady actually was Lisa’s mom, go figure. My mind drifted until I heard someone calling my name. Or rather, the name the cheerleaders had given me. “Dana Phoenix?” The girls in all their gymnastics outfits made me stick out like a sore thumb in my baggy tee and gym shorts, and their giggling as I raised my hand brought a cold stare from Mrs. Gilbert. “My daughter told me you made the cheerleading ‘A’ Squad, and I recognized the name. I think I’ll be watching you ESPECIALLY closely,” she said, and I could swear she winked at me as she headed out!

Well, thanks to that little announcement I got questions for the next few minutes concerning the cheerleading team from the younger girls and boys surrounding me, while the older ones went off to talk about something or another. I heard one of them ask the question, “isn’t Brighton’s cheer team all girls?” But I managed to avoid their conversation after that, and in the slew of questions from the youngers I soon forgot about it. After twenty questions was over, I cleaned up a bit and headed to the dojo next door to meet up with Patty. We’d both gotten black belts in basic Tae Kwon Do together, and when I decided to jump ship she kept up with the martial arts. It worked out well for us, since outside of class we often would practice together and cross train. She was doing Karate at the moment, and had talked her sensei into letting me test, so I officially had a yellow belt in that versus her purple. Just ‘cause I’m small don’t mean I’m defenseless, after all.

“How were things in the land of splits and leotards today?”

“Better than the Wide World of Kicks to the Face, I’m sure.”

“I think that point’s mine,” she said as she marked it in the air. “That makes the score for this week seven to four, my win.”

“It’s six to four, and since you’re always the one who calls the points it ain’t fair anyways.”

“Whatever, dweeb. You alright, you look a little tired.” I sighed, and filled her in on Mrs. Gilberts’s visit. “Hehe, you sure do know how to pick ‘em, D, that’s for sure.”

We started home from lessons, but made a detour for the new climbing wall on the way. After a couple of climbs apiece we stopped by BK before calling it a day. By that time we were pretty ripe anyways, and since today was my laundry day I needed to get home!

===

The better part of the next week was pretty boring for the most part. Oh, the pharmacy mixed up my meds and ordered the wrong thing, so it’ll be ANOTHER week before I start my testosterone, grr! I finally managed a second-story backflip on Monday, that was well scary, but we had to vacate the old abandoned factory before I could try again ‘cause the BMXers showed up. Even Wednesday’s cheer practice went without much fuss, though I did refuse to wear the panties to school- once was enough, thank you! Unfortunately, a phone call Thursday night broke things up quite nicely +sigh+.

“Dane, can you get that?” My dad called from his computer. My dad’s an electrical engineer for a local construction company, but even when he’s home he does a lot of private projects on his comp, so this wasn’t an unusual request.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Dana!” Would I ever be able to keep from wincing when I hear that? “It’s me, Lisa!”

“Oh, hi, Lisa. Um, how did you get my home number?”

She giggled. “From Patty, of course, silly. I just wanted to let you know that me and the other girls have a surprise for you tomorrow, so don’t miss practice.”

This…isn’t good. “Lisa, what kind of surprise?”

“You’ll see tomorrow! Bye!” And with a click she was gone, and I was left wondering when my life became such a comedy of errors.

===

And whaddayaknow, Patty had a doctor’s appointment this morning, so I was stuck carrying my own gym bag to school. I’d managed to drape my jacket over the bag to hide the logos, but do you really think that with my luck I’d be able to get through unscathed? Well, the hand that grabbed my bag and took it away probably answers that question.

“Ooh, what’s this, the little faggot wants to be a cheerleader. Tell me, where’d you get this, that dyke friend of yours?”

Okay, it’s one thing to pick on me, quite another to pick on someone I care for. I’m not sure exactly what I did, but a moment later TB was on the floor holding his jaw, and my bag was in my hand again. Not wanting to miss the opportunity I decided to rub a little salt in the wound. “Don’t ever, and I mean EVER, talk about my sister. And by the way, I AM a cheerleader!” With that I spun on my heel and walked away. Hold the phone, did I just admit I was a cheerleader? To Thomas Brody of all people? Yes, and yes. Oh crap.

A couple of whistles and a “You go girl!” later I was face to face with Lisa. First Thomas and now Lisa, this day just gets better and better, not. “Nice display of the girl power back there!” she said, giving me a quick hug. “Looks like he’s finally gotten what’s been coming for a while. Oops, I’m gonna be late for class, see ya at practice!” Does she ever stop long enough to give someone else a chance to talk? I don’t think I’ve gotten in a complete sentence since meeting her. I just managed to catch Patty in time to drop my bag off in her locker before we had to head for history, but it seemed news of my little tiff with Brody had reached her before me, thanks to the gossip hotline that is high school girls.

“Damn, ‘girl’,” she emphasized with a bit of a smirk, “when you go for a statement, you like REALLY go for it! What’d he do, grab your ass or something?” Ah, so the cause hadn’t reached her yet at least, which was good. Last thing I needed was for her to commit murder today. I did punch her in the arm for the ass comment, though.

“Nah, just my cheer kit.”

“Jerk.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, maybe now he’ll leave you alone a bit.”

I didn’t even let the optimism have a chance before squashing it. “Maybe. Hey, didn’t you have a doctor’s appointment this morning?”

“It was cancelled, ‘cause-“

“Girls, quiet!” Oh, yeah, history class! I’d completely forgotten about it until Mr. Swallows’ comment. Guess we were a bit occupied on the way in.

“Sir, I’m not a-“

“Do you want to visit the principal today?” He yelled at me vehemently. Geez, what was his problem? Just ‘cause we never paid attention in class, and passed notes all the time, and- wait. I just shook my head. “Then shut up and pay attention!” I almost giggled at the angry look on his ill proportioned face, but caught it just in time.

The rest of school was pretty standard, though lunch did bring a few kids over to talk who I guess had seen or heard about what I’d done that morning. I wasn’t complaining, as it kept the girls from trying to drag me and Patty to the cheer table like they’d been attempting for the past week.

Finally, the hour of doom was upon us, and as the day’s final bell tolled its last, I began the walk to cheer practice. For the most part practice was normal- well, for being a boy doing cheerleading in an all girl squad. There was the announcement that next Friday’s practice was being moved to before school on Monday since we had a pep rally on Friday, but by now the idea of being a cheerleader was starting to be a bit less agonizing, so I didn’t sweat it that much. Besides, after this morning everyone’d probably know already by then anyways.

===

“Uh, guys, where are my clothes?” I asked as I returned from my shower wrapped in my towel. I’d taken my clothes with me to the shower to prevent anything similar to last Friday’s incident, only to find they were missing when I climbed out.

“Oh, those rags you had on? We threw ‘em away.”

“What!”

“Yeah, you’re a cheerleader now, you should be dressing better than that.” Oh, no!

“And boxers! I mean, yeah I own a couple of pairs too, but just for sleeping in not wearing full time!”

Nancy, Lisa, and a girl named Shelby from ‘A’ Squad all had me cornered! What ‘m I supposed to do now?

“Here, put these on.” I reached out nervously to take the proffered plastic shopping bag and cautiously glanced inside.

“Uh, no.”

“Why not?”

I pulled the flower print sundress out of the bag and held it as far away from myself as possible. “This is a dress.”

“Uh, yeah? It’s really cute!”

“I DON’T do dresses. Not skirts, not halter tops,” I gestured towards the offending strappy number in my hand, “and ESPECIALLY not dresses! This breaks, like, every one of my personal dress code rules. No way, no how. Just plain no.”

===

Damn this bra feels weird. And how do they get through the day in one of these things without showing their underpants off to everyone? “Stop pulling on it, you look fine.”

“Says the girl wearing jeans,” I shot back, trying to give Patty an evil look but failing when a sudden breeze caused me to yelp and grab ‘my’ skirt. She actually had the nerve to snicker when it happened, too!

“At least you’re wearing cute underwear too.” Ugh, don’t remind me; I hadn’t seen so much lace and pink since Patty’s seventh birthday party.

Can you believe it, their ‘surprise’ for me was a trash bag full of clothes! Apparently everyone pitched in to outfit me with a wardrobe more befitting a cheerleader, but I can’t wear any of this crap. And they threw away my ‘Bosstones’ tee to boot! Patty had some of my clothes over at her place from a swimming trip a while back, so we were heading there before I went home so I could change. The sooner the better, too- the whistling and catcalls were getting kind of old. And this bag is heavy, too, le Grunt.

===

“Hey, sweetie, how was school today?”

“Not bad, Mom. I’m kinda tired- I think I’m gonna take a nap, is that okay?”

“Sure, I’ll wake you when dinner’s ready.”

“Thanks.” Lucky she was in the kitchen! I managed to get the trash bag in my room and shoved into the corner, then collapsed on my bed and promptly passed out.

I awoke to hear an odd rustling sound coming from the corner of the room where I’d thrown the bag. Rats? Nah. “Wha?”

“Cute, but I’m not sure why you’ve decided on such a drastic change of style.”

Mom? The clothes! I snapped up in bed, and sure enough there was my mom, sat in the corned and idly sorting through the bag of clothes. “Mom, it’s not what you think, I swear!”

She turned around calmly to face me, still clutching a denim skirt in her hand. “So you’re telling me you didn’t bring a large sack of girl’s clothes in and hide them in your room? Honey, if you had wanted to try girl’s clothes you have just asked, I mean, I guess I should have guessed you’d be doing this after seeing the uniform in your closed but-“

“You’ve been going through my closet?!”

“Not at all! Well, maybe a little,” she admitted guiltily. “I’ve just been worried about you and, well,” she held up the skirt. “Care to explain then?” She looked worried, but not angry like I was expecting. What the hell.

I pushed my hands through my hair as I tried to think of a way out of this. What could I say that was less embarrassing than the truth? I didn’t WANT to wear the clothes, but I couldn’t say they were Patty’s ‘cause even Mom could see they’d be too small and besides, why would I have her clothes in my room? “Mom,” I sighed, “you might wanna sit back down.”

“Why?” she asked, but she sat back down in my computer chair.

“So you don’t fall down laughing. Hoo, boy. Okay, it all started last Wednesday…”

===

“She thought you were there to try out?”

“Yes.”

===

“You wore WHAT to school?”

“Well, it was Patty’s idea…”

===

“In the girl’s locker room? And they saw your-“

“My ch- uh, breasts, yeah. I guess that just proved them right, though…”

===

“And they threw away your clothes and gave you a dress to wear instead?”

“Yeah, I stopped by Patty’s place and changed before coming home, but she wouldn’t keep these,” I said, sweeping my arm over the clothes now spread across my floor. I leant back and took a deep breath, glad the story was over.

“I’m just happy you didn’t just throw them in a dumpster on your way home.” Now why didn’t I think of that? “This saves us a bit of embarrassing shopping for you, anyways.”

Huh? I was scared to ask. “Why do you say that?”

“Well, your, um,” she motioned towards my chest, and I blushed. “They’re getting a bit on the, ah, full side to be left free.”

She couldn’t, I mean, she doesn’t mean… “Are you saying you want me to start wearing a BRA? No way.” I looked down at my own chest. “They don’t really show, do they?”

She childishly scuffed her shoe on the carpet a couple of times before answering. “Sweetie, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but they DO show. Just looking at you in a tee shirt I’d say they’re at least a full ‘A’ cup by now, and whether you want to admit it or not I bet it’s getting kind of uncomfortable running around with those things, ain’t it?” I shrugged, but didn’t deny it. “And even when you start your hormones they won’t just magically stop, and they aren’t gonna just go away. You need the support.” A sports bra landed in my lap, and she kinda grinned at me in a friendly way.

Desperate for an out, I asked, “But can’t I just strap them down?”

“I’m not having you hurt yourself over this. Besides, it won’t be the first time you’ve worn a bra from what I’ve heard.” She was right, and the bra HAD kept the, umm, bouncing and stuff down, which did help. I picked up the bra and looked at it disapprovingly, but I guess I looked resigned, too, ‘cause she continued. “I’ll explain to your father tonight after dinner.”

How pleasant an evening this has turned out to be. Just perfect after the day, huh?

===

I put my Veruca Salt CD on and laid back in bed to think. It wasn’t the most hardcore CD in my collection, but I’d always loved them, and it was the first CD I ever spent my own money on, too. Her voice always helped me concentrate, and that’s what I needed to do now.

I hadn’t expected my dad to make a big deal of the bra thing, and sure enough I wasn’t disappointed. Then again, that’s my dad; I could probably come home dressed in full goth, makeup and all, and his only reaction would be to raise his eyebrows and tell me not to hurt myself. Either that or he’d laugh at me, he has the oddest sense of humor sometimes.

No, what had me confused was mom’s reaction to the whole cheerleader thing. She didn’t mention it to dad, thank god, and she didn’t bring it back up with me, either. Well, besides telling me to give it a try. Huh, who’da thunk my own Mom would WANT me to pretend to be a girl, and a cheerleader no less?

Ooh, Volcano Girls, good song.

Anyways, I guess for now I can keep doing it. It IS pretty fun, and a good workout to boot. And with Patty there, if something goes wrong at least I’ve got one friend to back me up. No, the actual practices don’t bother me. But what about the pep rally next Friday? That’s in front of the entire school! And all these clothes, too- now that I have them the girls won’t give me a break until I start to show a little pride in my cheerleader status. Hmm, I wonder… could I?

I got off my bed just as ‘25’ ended and went to the corner of my room. Hefting the bag of clothes, I took it to my bed and dumped it out and, like with the cheerleading kit, decided a list was in order as I went through my unwanted bounty. How bad could it be?

You’d be surprised.

-Let’s start with tops, they can’t be too bad, right? Two ‘cap sleeve’ tees, I think they’re called ‘baby tees’? One in white and one in baby blue. Not too bad I guess, but the pink ‘aeropostale’ logo on the front of ‘em kinda stands out, and they’re tiny, seriously. Two tanks, one black with those stringy straps and the other plain white. These look okay overall, too. Maybe this won’t kill me after all. Dear god, I spoke too soon. A halter top is bad enough, but why’d it have to be pink? I do like the jersey material at least, but I’ll NEVER wear this. And whaddayaknow, more pink, this time in a button down blouse, the only concession to long sleeves I seems in the entire bag. Plain cotton, so maybe I can bleach it or something?

- O-kay, so the tops were kinda hit and miss. It can only get worse from here, so let’s jump right into leg coverings, eh? Wow, they actually included jeans. And if they hadn’t been hip-huggers with embroidered pockets I may even have been able to use them. Shame that. More jeans? Oh, nope, the denim skirt from earlier. Damn, that’s short, surely that’s gotta break school dress code! Then again, seeing some of the things I’ve seen the cheerleaders get away with probably not. Oh, a flowery embroidered skirt. Looks kinda like something a hippy would wear. Nope, not for me on any level, thanks. Hold on, these can’t be shorts. Oh god, they are. Sure, khaki’s are fine, but aren’t they supposed to cover more skin than the underwear beneath them? I think these girls are trying to turn me into a slut, seriously.

-Shoes? What the? Oh, flip flops, okay. Wait, no, strappy heels. In white, I guess to match mosta the clothes. Do they actually think I’ll choose to wear any of this stuff? And how would I balance on these things, they must be two inches tall.

-Whew, deep breaths, deep breaths. Dare I look at the underwear? Well, really no choice, I’ve gone this far… Thongs. What is it with these girls and thongs? And they have to be these little skimpy things. And what’s up with this split in the back with jewelry hanging on it? That’s three more of these things I’ll never wear. At least these cover more than the thongs. Granted not much more thanks to the stringy side bits, but maybe I can replace the exercise undies with these. Oh, and a note from Patty; seems she got all the underwear, just grand. Oh, I guess that’s at least a little less embarrassing than thinking of Lisa or Nancy out getting them, and I know they aren’t used. Ah, and here’s the kicker- the bras. One padded thing, one lacy thing and one thing with these hard semicircles under the cup parts. I’m a thirty A if these girls got it right, since the cheer stuff fits I don’t see why they wouldn’t. Hold the phone, there’re socks in here too? Oh, gross, stripy knee-high monstrosities! Pink/white, purple/white, and baby blue/white seem to be my choices. Do these even go with anything they gave me? Should I care? Oh, and a package of tights, what fun! Not.

Damn, that’s a lot of stuff! The must either really be loaded or just really not want me showing them up. Heh, it woulda been easier just to kick me off the team, but I guess they see me as a charity case or something, maybe some project to work on? Last thing I wanna be is a bunch of cheerleaders’ Barbie doll. Whatever, I’ll think more on it tomorrow.

===

So much for having time to think over the weekend. Both my gymnastics class and Patty’s martial arts class went extra length this weekend- apparently they have a big tournament the weekend before the State gymnastics tournament start its events, so in preparation they’re beating each other up for an extra hour every Saturday until then. Word seems to have spread to the entire class that I’m a cheerleader, even the ones missing last weekend, and I don’t know what’s worse, that they thought it was cool or that they all seem to have forgotten I’m a guy! The other kids have even taken to calling me ‘Dana’ now. Jeez, I just can’t get a break, can I? Oh, yeah, and Mom decided that this weekend was as good as any time to start the bra-wearing thing, so now I have to deal with ‘my’ boobs being even more obvious to boot! At least they aren’t bouncing all over the place now, so they don’t ache so much.

After practice Patty wanted to hit the climbing wall again, so we did that for like two hours. By the time we left my entire body felt like it was about to fall apart! Then Sunday I had my self-imposed Parkour training regimen, too. I was so tired I went to bed early-after all, we have cheer practice early in the morning, and whether I want to do it or not I don’t wanna leave without notice. I’ll start hormone tomorrow too, horray! Looks like the beginning of the end of people thinking I’m a girl, and not a moment too soon.

===

“AND one and two and three and four, come on girls, one more time!” Lisa called from the front as she reset the music. Ready, set…

Kick and wave, right, left, big arm thing, kick again, change positions, funky weird wavy stuff, scream your head off. Phew, I don’t think I rested enough last night, I still feel like really tired, but I do have a blast doin’ all this. “Great job, girls, that’s about all we have time for this morning, go get cleaned up. Dana, if you’ll wait a moment I think Miss Cole wanted a word with you.” What’d I do now? Guess I’ll see in a second or two. I saw Miss Cole wave me over to her office, so I quickly made my way there.

“Good morning Dana. Please have a seat.”

“Good morning, ma’am,” I returned as I sat down. I had to ask. “Umm, did I do something wrong, ma’am?” I tried to hide the feeling of disappointment that was creeping up, but I couldn’t help shaking a bit when I saw the stern look on her face.

She calmly sat down before she spoke again. “Not wrong as such, Dana, but it is something we need to work on. The girls gave you a bag of clothes on Friday from what I’ve heard?”

“Yes, ma’am.” What’s that got to do with anything?

“Dana,” she sighed, “you’re a very pretty girl, and an asset to our cheer team. You can dance, do all the gymnastics, and can project your voice great. What I wanted to talk to you about is dressing the part of a cheerleader.” Oh, no.

“I’m sorry, Miss Cole, but I’m just not really into clothes and all that,” I apologized, thinking about the cutoffs and baggy Longhorns jersey currently waiting for me in the changing room.

“That’s alright, Dana, but as part of this squad your appearance reflects not only on you but on our entire school. That’s why the girls gave you those clothes. I won’t be kicking you off the team if you don’t wear them,” why did that make me feel so relieved? “But please, think about at least dressing a little better, please? To be honest, I’m surprised people can even tell you’re a girl with some of the things you wear.” Heh, if only she know. “You may go now.”

“Thank you, ma’am. And thanks for the advice.”

“Any time.”

As I showered and dried my thoughts drifted in and out of focus, but their theme was always there; my clothes. I didn’t think I dressed THAT badly. After all, aren’t jeans and tees pretty universal? Of course the girls on the cheerleading team did tend to dress nicer, heck even Patty seemed to be dressing a little better since making the team. But what exactly could I-

These aren’t my shorts.

“Nonononononononono, not AGAIN! Guys, come on.”

“What?” An all too innocent sounding voice asked from outside the shower.

“Lisa!” I whined, I admit it, but I was distressed! “Please, in the name of all that is holy, give. Me. My. Shorts. BACK!”

“What shorts, that’s the same skirt you wore in here this morning.” I looked at the piece of denim in my hand. The only similarity it had to my shorts was a vaguely similar material and color. And they’d taken my boxers again, too.

“Lisa, this isn’t funny, I’m gonna be late for class.” Inspiration. “Besides, my jersey won’t look good with this.”

“Sure it will, you’ll look really cute! Oh, just put the damn thing on already, you’re not getting your shorts back!” Bitch! What choice do I have, though?

“Do you have anything not in a thong at least?”

“Not with that skirt.” Dammit, I hate these things, and it was one of the dangly jewelry ones, too. “Oh, that’s looks SOO adorable! See, I told you it’d be cute!” I very much doubt the Texas Longhorns ever wanted to be ‘cute’, and the jersey was so long on me the skirt barely peeked out the bottom. Lisa was practically squealing in delight, and both Nancy and Shelby had looks of victory on their faces. A stomping on the steps from the lockers got everyone’s attention off o f me, though, and we saw Patty come in.

“Hey, have ya’ll seen Da- oh, wow, cute!” Oh, come on, Patty, not you too!

===

I swear, that had to be like the most embarrassing day of school ever! I wasn’t laughed at or nothing, but I did get a lot of weird looks, especially from some of the teachers. Patty said they were probably just surprised to see me wearing a skirt- well duh! She laughed when I said they probably weren’t half as surprised as I was.

The most surprising thing of the day though was Brody’s reaction. I’d expected TB to use the whole skirt thing as a springboard for some new joke, or at least a rehash of an old one as would more likely be the case, but the one time I saw him in the hallway he got this funny look on his face and got away as fast as possible! Come to think of it, he’d been pretty well avoiding me ever since I’d faced up to him on Friday. Maybe he doesn’t like prey that fights back.

It didn’t even occur to me until halfway through lunch that I could have used the meeting with Miss Cole to reveal my ‘male’ identity and get out of this. Sure, most of the school day had been spent trying to keep my underpants out of view of prying eyes, but I should a though of that! Even if I had thought of it, though, I was disturbed to realize I didn’t even know if I would have told her anyways. The simple truth was, I enjoyed the cheerleading. It was fun, energetic, and the first time I’d ever really done anything with kids from my own school. Back when we’d gone to Sherwood Elementary I’d had a few friends, in fact I still email Jonathan and Miriam every now and then, but ever since moving out here I’ve just been kinda a loner I guess. It felt good to be part of something, and I guess I just didn’t wanna give that up.

“Hey, girl, get your head outta the clouds and answer me!”

“Huh?” Oh, someone was talking to me. I saw Lisa sigh before addressing me again.

“I said a few of us are goin’ to the movies after school today since we couldn’t get another practice space. You wanna go?” They’re inviting me?

“What are ya’ll gonna see?” Best not to agree without knowing what I’m getting myself in for.

“I dunno, maybe the new Kent Brockman movie, he’s cute. Or, ooh, isn’t ‘Eight Dragons’ out yet? I’ve heard that was like really good too.”

“You mean you don’t even know what movie you’re gonna see yet?”

“Oh well, we’ll decide when we get there. Oh and Patty meet me out front after school and I’ll give ya’ll a ride. Oh, I gotta go, see ya then!” And with a last wave she disappeared in a whirlwind of peppiness. I never even said yes, but apparently I didn’t have to.

Shortly after Lisa left, the bell for the end of lunch chimed. On the way out I ran into Patty. “Hey, where were you during lunch?”

She looked at me oddly for a moment. “The principal needed to talk to me about… something. Oh, did Lisa ask you about the movie?”

I let out a huff. “Blitzed is more like it, I didn’t have a chance to say no! I don’t think I’m gonna go, though.” She turned around quickly and grabbed my hand.

“But you’ve got to! Please, I’ll even pay for your ticket, but I don’t wanna go without you.” That decided it for me.

Never turn down a free movie, after all.

===

“Hey, don’t forget, extra practice tomorrow after school on the soccer field!”

“I won’t.” I promised Lisa as I closed the car door behind me. I was barely backed away before the car load of giggling girls took off for parts unknown, and man I was tired! Mom had left the light on in the kitchen- our universal sign that someone was still out- but I’d used Lisa’s cell to call her earlier so I knew I wasn’t in trouble. I grabbed a quick glass of juice before heading to bed, shutting the light off on my way out.

Whew, what a night! I should’ve known there’d be more to the afternoon than a movie, but I hadn’t expected two hours of shopping! Needless to say, I’m yet again the not-so-proud owner of even more girl’s clothes, more specifically two more pairs of girl’s jeans. I tried to tell them ‘no way’, I even started on telling them I was a guy again, but something stopped me before I did it. Hmm, funny that. Oh well, at least they aren’t skirts, even if they are a bit on the tight side for my taste. A baggy tee and nobody’ll know the difference.

Not that that makes a difference since I wore a skirt to school today. God, I still can’t believe that guy at the movie theatre tried to feel me up in the snack line, too, what a creep! The movie was good, though. We ended up seeing the seven thirty showing of ‘Eight dragons,’ and I just have to say, WOW. They changed things around a bit, and I still don’t get the deal with the monkey in a straight jacket, but I can’t wait for ‘The Song of Chi’ to come out! Two and a half hours is a bit long to be sitting in a theater seat though, and since I hadn’t gone all day ‘cause of the skirt, well…

That was the first women’s restroom I’d ever been in besides the locker room at school, and even Patty being there didn’t help all that much. I almost forgot to sit down, and then when that lady asked if I had an extra pad- god, by the time we got out of there my nerves were shot, and Patty’s expressions from tryin’ to keep from laughing didn’t help, either!

I wonder whether Mom and Dad got my pills today. It’s too late to ask tonight, guess I’ll have to wait ‘til tomorrow. Heh, with how tired I am I don’t think I’d stay awake long enough to take ‘em anyways.

===

Ugh. Late night plus school does not equal a happy dane, and an unhappy Dane is not a cheerful dane.

“Well good morning, sunshine. Looks like you had a late night. Those girls run you ragged?”

“Ugnh.”

“Take a shower, I’ll have you some eggs ready when you get out.”

“Unghlnhg.”

“You’re welcome.”

The warm water helped to beat my brain cells into action, and by the time I got out I was almost feeling human. Mom slid a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon in front of me, and with a quick “Thanks” I dug in.

“Oh, this came for you yesterday in the mail,” she said as she sat across from me at the table and slid a small brown box towards me. I examined it for a moment before returning to my breakfast.

“cool. Did Dad get my medicine yesterday?”

“Sure did!” With a happy smile she got up and turned towards the counter, but stopped. “Crap.”

“What?”

She gave me a sorry look. “I forgot to take it out of your dad’s lunch box before he went to work.”

“Mom!”

“Hey, I’m sorry but they’ll be back this afternoon. Anyways, tell me about the movie ya’ll went and saw,” she recommended, changing the subject. So I spent the next five minutes telling her about our trip yesterday- minus any reference to my clothes or the girls’ restroom- before I had to go change. “Don’t forget your bra,” she giggled as I left. I think she’s having entirely too much fun with this whole cheerleader and girl’s clothes thing as it is, why would I give her more ammo?

Hmm, what should I wear? I was threatened under pain of death that should I wear my normal clothing choices I’d regret it, and I really didn’t want to find out how. I guess I could do one of those new pairs of jeans, at least they don’t have all that embroidery the pair they gave me has. Crap, my boxers’ll show through these, though! Well, I guess it’s as good a time as any to try the not-thongs, Le Sigh.

Grab a bra, don’t matter which one, they’re all the same pretty much aren’t they? And why the hell not, the white tank top too. And you know what? I’m wearing my ‘Johnny Rotten’ tee to boot- I even custom modified this one with lots of cuts and safety pins to be extra punk a couple of weeks before school, so now’s as good a time as ever to give it it’s debut. I’ll hide it in my bag before I go to practice- they can’t throw away what they can’t see! Hair in a pony tail, ready to go!

When Mom saw me all she did was raise an eyebrow. “What, Mom?”

“Nothing. Clean stuff for cheering?” She gestured to my cheer bag, and I nodded. Whatever. “Have a good day at school.”

The walk down to Patty’s went quickly, and I was rewarded for my early arrival by a muffled “Just a minute,” from her window. Since I had the time I decided to look at the package Mom had handed me since I’d shoved it in my school bag.

It must have gotten wet at some point as the return address was smudged beyond all readability, but there in the middle of the side was my name and address. I tore into the box, my curiosity peaked… Oh, yeah, THIS thing! Haha, it’s finally here, and on the perfect day! I must have made some kind of happy sound or something, ‘cause I felt Patty reach over my shoulder and snatch my prize from my hand with a “Let me see!”

“Hey, come on, give it back!”

“Easy, bro, I just wanted to see. Hmm, ‘Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols’? Is this some more of that punk crap you’re always listening to?”

The horror! How could she NOT know? “This isn’t just some random CD, Pat,” she hates when I call her that, so I only do it when she’s being a brat, “this is the FIRST Punk album ever made! Come on, you know, Sid Vicious, Johnny Rotten,” I waved at my tee, “’god Save the Queen?’” I saw the light ckick on at that, and I took the opportunity to snatch my treasure back from her thieving grasp.

“Ah, these guys did THAT song? Cool! Wow, that’s a pretty old CD, bro.”

“Johnny is timeless,” I said defensively, clutching the CD to my chest. My very big chest. I felt the color drain from my face as I realized, “I put on the padded bra this morning! Oh, shit!” Patty choked for a moment then started cackling, but I didn’t care- how could I have been so stupid? “I gotta get this thing off!”

“Why? It’s not like I have anything that’ll fit you. I don’t know what’s worse,” she said between gasps of breath and giggles, “that you did that and didn’t notice, or that your mom didn’t say anything.”

“What difference does it make? I’m equally dead either way!”

“I hate to burst your bubble, but the skirt yesterday I think pretty much sealed it with most of the kids at school. Face it, no matter what you do you’re ‘one of the girls’ from here on out whether you like it or not. Actually,” she said, in a bright tone, “I think this’ll make things easier for you. No, really!” I guess the look o my face gave away my doubts. “Before yesterday you got picked on or left out ‘cause you really didn’t fit in with the boys or the girls. Now that you’ve kinda chosen a side, people’ll be more friendly.”

“Yeah, but in a few weeks that means I’ll have to change schools or something when my pills kick in. Still sound like a good thing?”

“I’m not so sure that’s gonna be a problem,” was her last reply before she started walking quickly towards school. Just what did she mean by that anyways?

===

“What the hell?!?”

“What?”

I pointed to the rose sticking out of the door of my locker. It was yellow, and had a note tied to it in an envelope. “Do you think they got the wrong locker?” I hoped. Patty reached past me, pulled the rose gently from the beat up metal vent, and after a cursory glance grinned widely. “I don’t think so. ‘To Dana, with all apologies, Thomas Brody.’ Hmm, seems kinda literate for him, but it looks kinda like his writing.”

My. Brain. Was. Fried. “WHY in HELL would HE give me flowers?”

“Someone has a cru-ush,” she sang in a musical tone, then placed the rose in her teeth and tried to dip me.

“Oh, shut up, you ain’t Romeo, and he most DEFINITELY isn’t.” I pulled myself upright, and opened my locker to find another note slid through and on my books. I hid it quietly before Patty finished playing with the rose- I wanted to see what it said, but I didn’t want her reading it out loud.

I’d say I was pretty occupied with my own thoughts for most of the rest of the day. It kinda figures the first romantic gesture in my life would come from a guy- and TB, of all people! Not that the whole ‘Gay/Lesbian’ thing was foreign to me- there were a few openly gay kids in our school, after all- and I didn’t have a problem with the idea of one of my friends being like that, but I’d always considered myself straight when I gave it any thought to begin with.

‘Course, I’d never actually DATED anyone. And I’d never had a crush on a girl per se, but conversely I’d never crushed on a guy either. Not that guys were bad looking, nor girls…

I had Music Arts sixth period, and since it was my only class Patty wasn’t in I decided to read the note then. You wouldn’t believe how much of a relief it was when I found out it was an invitation to a LAN party from Steven Wright, a kid in my class. We weren’t really close friends and hardly ever talked at school, but since both of us were kinda part of the ‘outcast’ category, prior to my cheering at least, we’d come to make it a point to always invite each other to things like parties and birthdays. It might be only once a year we’d actually ATTEND, but it was the thought that counted, after all.

You know what? I think I’m gonna go! It says Sunday night since Monday is one of those in service things, and I’ve been around girls-only WAY more than is good for me lately. Since we share seventh period I’ll let ‘im know then!

===

“So it’s really cool if I come”

Steven gave me a broad grin, which when combined with his glasses and black crew-cut hair made him look kinda crazy. “I wouldn’t have invited you if it wasn’t! The smitage shall begin around two I think, if you can bring some Dews or something that’d be great. Oh, I just downloaded the ‘Mazes and Monsters’ fifth edition rulebooks, so we may try that a bit, too.” He held his hand up high for a high five, and I had to jump to hit it, which made my chest bounce a lot more than I woulda liked. All he did was give me a kinda lewd glance before shrugging. “See ya then!” What can I say? Geeks.

“Yeah, see ya then.” I glanced at my watch- if I rush, I have just enough time to get to the locker room and change without being late. I made a mad dash for the gym, stuffing my Johnny Rotten tee in my bag on the way, and was changed and on the soccer field just in time for Miss Cole’s whistle.

“Cutting it a bit close, aren’t we, Miss Phoenix?”

“Sorry, Ma’am.”

It seems that today was meant to be our first practice with the more complicated elements of cheering- namely, pyramids and throws. To make it worse, the soccer team, after graciously offering us ‘poor girls’ half of their practice pitch, had decided to take the opportunity to show off for us, and more than a few of my fellow cheerleaders seemed less than focused on the practice at hand.

“One, two, three, UP!” Of course, little old me just HAD to be one of the people up in the air. I knew I could take a fall, and we were on soft grass anyways, but I was kinda worried about being trampled by a gaggle of panicky girls. Still, so far we’d just done a coupla basic ‘lifts’ or whatever they’re called, and since I was the only one in ‘A’ Squad who hadn’t done them before it wasn’t all that bad, and we were well enough versed in dropping me in a relatively attractive manner by the end of the day we felt like doing a few at the pep rally.

Throws, however, were another issue entirely.

===

“Whaaooah, owwie.” It had taken a second or two after I awoke to realize I hurt. A lot. And in places that shouldn’t have hurt like they were from a measly eight foot fall.

“Oh, jeez, are you okay?”

“Whuh?” As more and more of my faculties returned to me, I became aware of another situation through the pain. Arms, hands, chest- yes, someone was definitely holding me. Cradling me was probably closer to the truth. To this point I hadn’t had the courage to open my eyes, but had stubbornly kept them tightly shut. With great trepidation I slowly levered one eye open to reveal…

“Hi there.”

I quickly slammed my eyes closed again. Just great, of all the kids in school who could have been there, it had to be him. He was tall, muscular, and tanned. His face was like a model’s and his deep green eyes were the object of affection of more than a few girls in my class. And did I mention he’s on the soccer team?

He’s on the soccer team.

“Hi James. Um, you can put me down now,” I said, putting my arms around his neck for support as I tried to slide myself down. After a false start and nearly running into Patty, who was wearing an expression of horrid worry and amusement combined, he finally just picked me up again and carried me over to one of the sideline benches. James Palmer had just carried me off the field- god, how could I ever live this down? “And what the hell happened?” I added when I could think.

“It was, uh, kinda my fault,” I heard him say as he positioned himself near my head while Patty knelt in front of me. Man, this I awkward. “I accidentally kicked the ball too hard and high, and it, um, kinda hit you in the head and, er, knocked you down.”

“Well of course it knocked me down, I was airborne last thing I remember!”

“Hey, no reason to get all bitchy,” Patty said to me, and her tone told me I should stay quiet. “Besides, he ran right over to help you, and he doesn’t even get a kiss or a ‘thank you’ or anything. You’ll make SUCH a great girlfriend, won’t she?”

“Hey!”

“No, that’s alright. I’ll see you later.” And wit a last smile and a wave he was off, and Patty was giggling hysterically. I swear, my life sucks.

===

Ah the joys of what had quickly become my idea of a ‘normal’ school day. Wednesday was just another day of dressing suitably pseudo-girly so that the girls would stay off my back followed by cheering, which I was loathe to admit had become the high point of my days. We were inside, so no soccer ball snipers at least. Thursday was just plain boring, with no cheering to save it from itself. About the best thing about the past few days has been my medicine. It’s just a mild dose at the moment to try and slow down my development, but still, it’s a step in the masculine direction! And not a moment too soon- I’m starting to like some of this girlie stuff a little too much.

This, however, was going too far.

“Oh, come on, D, all the other girls are doing it, it’s tradition! Besides, it’ll be the only way you’ll be ready for the pep rally!”

“Patty! Grgh!” I had managed to completely ignore the uniforms hanging in my closed for nearly three weeks now, and she wanted me to drag out the regular uniform and wear it to school!

“Come on, does it not fit or something?”

“How would I know, I haven’t tried the stupid thing on!” Patty gave me an incredulous look; I just stared right back.

“You mean you’ve had a uniform this long and STILL haven’t tried it on? What’s wrong with you?”

I don’t know, maybe the fact that- oh, newsflash- I’m NOT A GIRL! Does the name ‘Dane’ sound girlie to you at all?”

“Apparently it’s girlie enough to be mistaken for ‘Dana’: just PLEASE, do this for me?” Then she pulled the dirtiest trick in the book.

“No. No. I- just- no. Oh, come on, Pat. Oh, dammit, alright.” I took the twenty and went to change.

I really wish I hadn’t. Sure, the uniform fit- if you consider the idea of my ‘bloomers’ being displayed with every movement to be a necessary part of the uniform’s ‘fit’- but it looked WAY too good on me. No, I’m not conceited, but seriously, even I though I looked hot in this thing- which is precisely why I’d been avoiding it.

“Come on out, D, I wanna see!”

Well, here goes nothing.

“hey hey hey, look who’s the hot little mamacita! Your mom wants to see, too, and she’ll do your hair while we’re here.”

“What!”

By the time we left for school Mom had put my hair in a pair of ‘cute’ braids at the back of my neck, and even insisted on working a blue ribbon into one side and a white one into the other, giving me even more of that ‘Hey, Ho, School Spirit!’ look. Le Sigh. But the worst part was Patty- she’d done her face up in school colors for some inexplicable reason, and insisted I have the same treatment. God, I hate wearing a ton of makeup. The two of us must have looked quite a sight on the way to school, and we got more than a few honks from passing guys! At least with it still being mid-September it was warm enough for this- winter games are gonna like totally suck.

Oh god, did I just THINK in valley Girl? Must be a side effect of the uniform.

And can you believe it, hardly anybody even gave me a second glance at school. Well, let me rephrase that- I hardly got many ‘wait, ain’t that a guy?’ looks. Hehe, Steven’s reaction was pretty funny, though- I’ve never seen s spit take in real life before, but trust me, it’s worth it! And of course, TB seemed rather nervous the couple of times I caught him glancing my way- what’s up with him lately?

===

I don’t like much of Avril Lavigne’s music, but I have to admit that ‘Girlfriend’ is an excellent song to cheer to. I almost threw up right before the start of the Pep Rally I was so nervous, but Patty kept reassuring me everything would be fine, and once you get out there and actually start cheering, everything else just kinda falls into place, ya know? Within five minutes of running out on the court I was yelling and kicking with the best of ‘em.

“B-R, B_R_I, B_R_I_G_H_T_O_N, We, are, we are great, and you know we’re gonna win! We are Brighton, mighty fightin’ Cougars, always steppin’ up the pace, other teams are losers, play with the pride of the blue and white,
And show them how to play it right! GO COUGARS!”

Horray for brain-dead jumping about! Wave those pom-poms like it actually does something! Act like you really care if our team wins or not! I don’t know when exactly my nervousness changed to light-headed excitement, but by the time the sports teams showed up I was practically bouncing off the walls. After a short break from the organized cheers while the sports teams were introduced, after which the principal introduced all the new cheerleaders. My nerves rose back up as he approached my name, and a rush of relief swept over me when I heard him announce my name as ‘Dana’, followed by a request for all the cheerleaders and Miss Cole to meet him in his office after the pep rally. Oh god, I hope the meeting isn’t about me!

We kept things up for another half hour or so, listening to the school band performing all the tired basketball tunes every high school band tuba player knows by heart, followed by another round of cheers. I felt oddly smug when I realized how much more applause we got than the band.

===

There was only about a quarter of an hour left in the school day when we got to the principal’s office in the main building, and were ushered in immediately by his secretary, where we all stood eagerly waiting as he looked us over. I was pale as a ghost I’m sure, and when his gaze swept over me I’m SURE he paused for a moment. I’m SO dead!

“Ladies,” he started, “a very important issue has come to my attention. An issue which seriously affects every member of this squad, and could adversely affect our status among the other schools.” He paused for a moment, and all the other girls chattered nervously to each other, wondering what was going on. I was so nervous, embarrassed, and guilty feeling I think I nearly burnt through my uniform. Come on, just get it over with already.

“Jackets.”

Huh?

“Your letter jackets,” he continued, gesturing to the squad, “need to be updated. Those of you who already have them can keep your old ones, but I’m sure our first year cheerleaders want something new. We’ve got the books in with the types available, and Miss Cole will help you find something appropriate, after which we’ll discuss price. Of course, if you stay the entire year the jackets are yours free of charge, but since they’re customized we do need a small deposit.”

We were called in here to talk about CLOOTHES? I can’t believe this crap!

“Any objections? No? Good! You girls have a nice weekend.” I was almost out the door with Patty when a hand held my shoulder back. When I looked up, I saw Miss Cole gesture back into the office.

Oh god.

I sat down in one of the wooden chairs across from the principal’s desk- you know, one of those chairs designed to be as uncomfortable as possible from the moment you plant yourself in it- and awaited my punishment. Miss Cole shut the door and crossed to stand next to the principal, crossing her arms across her chest in a serious manner. The principal coughed lightly before taking on his ‘authority figure’ stance.

“You’ve got us in quite a predicament, MR. Phoenix. What made you think you could join the GIRLS ONLY cheer team and not get caught?” I could feel the tears start to roll down my cheeks, but I couldn’t stop them. My life was ruined, and all the girls would-

“How far along are you?” Miss Cole asked me.

“Excuse me?”

“Have you started hormones already?” She asked me gently. I just looked at her confused.

“Yeah, I’m on hormones.” What did that matter? She shared a quick look with the principal, and after a quick exchange of whispers turned to me again and smiled.

“Thank you, Dana. You’re free to go now.” Huh? All that, wait, what just happened?

“Am I still on the team?”

Miss Cole gave a small laugh. “Of course, dear. Couldn’t lose one of my best new girls, could I? We’ll take care of this.”

Patty was waiting outside the school for me with an anxious expression, and as soon as she saw me rushed over with a hug for me. “Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know.”

===

End of Part 1

To be continued!

Notes: Okay, by this time I think I'm starting to get the hang of writing things a bit better, but I know I still have like a really long way to go. This is the first draft of the typed version of this story, probably the third draft overall total. I know some areas of it are still a bit (okay, a lot) rough, so tell me what needs fixin', and it'll get fixed. Tell me what don't work, and I'll change it so long as it don't break the story. As with most stories, there are a large number of occurrences in this story that are circumstantial and/or stretching the boundaries of believability, but I've always found the suspension of belief to be one of the most pleasant parts of reading any genre. Comments are appreciated, and the next part should be out in one to two weeks! I know there's a lot unexplained, but they will be, oh, they will be...

Melanie E.

Oh, Cheers: Part 2- FIGHT!

Author:

Rasufelle

Audience Rating:

Mature Subjects (pg15)

Publication:

7,500 < Novelette < 17,500 words

Genre:

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

TG Themes:

TG Elements:

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Oh, Cheers: Part 2

FIGHT!

By Melanie Ezell

It's a whole new life for Dane now that he's a cheerleader, but can he deal with the emotional strain of leading a double life? With a little help from his friends, and a bit of his own patented good/bad luck, anything is possible!

“Can you pass the corn chips?”

“No! Come on, they’re closer to you.”

“Nuh uh! Pleeeeeaase?” I gave Patty my best puppy dog look, and it only took her a few seconds to crack up and finally push the chips my way.

“You’re getting too good at this whole ‘girl’ thing.”

“Well, I’m learning from the best!”

“That’s for sure.” Conversation ended as we turned our attention back to the television, just in time to see…

“NO! No no no no no! He was supposed to pick Teresa!” I screamed at the TV in frustration, and Patty started laughing again.

“Are you sure you aren’t all girl?”

“Huh? Why?” I asked, watching in dismay as Steven took Elizabeth in his arms and kissed her deeply, leaving Teresa, the sweet innocent one, in tears.

“Most guys wouldn’t be watching this, for one thing.” Well, I guess ‘Leslie High’ was a kinda girly show. “And if they did, they’d probably go for the hot chick with the big tits too.”

“But she’s a total bi-“ I cut myself off before I finished a word I KNEW my Mom wouldn’t appreciate, and since she was supposed to be home any moment I didn’t wanna run the risk. “Witch. Teresa’s had a crush on him for like forever, and they’re like the perfect- oh, god, I AM turning into a girl.” I pushed myself up off the floor and scooted on my knees towards the television to switch to something else a bit more ‘manly’. Besides, the episode was over anyways, “So, anything you wanna watch?”

Patty rolled over on her back and stuck her tongue out of her mouth, apparently deep in thought. “Uh, nah. Our moms will be back soon anyways, and then we’re all supposed to meet our dads at that new Tex Mex place for dinner, aren’t we?”

I huffed for a moment before admitting, “Yeah.”

“Does your mom still expect you to wear that dress to dinner?”

“YES. She said we have to tell Dad about the whole girl thing sometime, and she wants to do it really dramatic so she can get a good picture of it.”

“Ah, I see. Your mom’s evil, you know that right?”

“Yup.”

===

This was it. It was now or never. I reached up and carefully pushed my way through the double doors into the loud, colorful restaurant, and couldn’t keep my thoughts from wandering back to why I was here today.

We, me and my mom, had been trying to keep Dad out of the loop on the whole cheerleading and girl’s clothes thing, and I thought we’d done a good job. Mom had covered for me at practice and when I was ‘out with the girls’, and somehow my Dad remained oblivious to our nervousness. Why were we sneaking around him? Well, remember my meeting with the Principal after the Pep Rally? Well, when I got back home I was still upset, and since Mom was already home that day I’d ran right to her crying, don’t ask me why, and just poured out all that had happened that day to her like a little kid. She’d gotten an odd look when I finished up telling her about the conversation with him and the cheer coach, and told me we shouldn’t tell Dad about anything just yet until she’d had a chance to think over things some more. She made a couple of calls then, but I didn’t really care so I just sat in the living room watching a documentary on ‘The Sex Pistols’ on VH1, wishing I were as cool as the guys in the band. I bet THEY never got mistaken for girls. I tried to imagine Johnny Rotten with tits- no. Just, no.

It turns out that right before I’d gotten home she’d got a call from Dad. He’d been angry, which was a first for me, and complained about some jerk coming up to him at work and telling him to ‘keep his faggot son away from his boy.’ Well, we came to find out it was Thomas Brody’s dad. Apparently Thomas had come home the day before and talked to him about me and whether I was a boy or a girl. Of course, his dad had never met me, but I guess automatically assumed that I must be gay and trying to corrupt his kid (like that was possible) so he called a few friends and found out where Dad was working. Of course, good ol’ Dad did the old political trick of Deny, Deny, Deny, but Mr. Brody wasn’t buying it. She had me change quickly and we were prepping for a major yelling match when Dad got home. He slammed the door open and stumbled into the living room, and for a moment I was scared outta my mind about what he was gonna do. Then he lifted his head, and let out the biggest, loudest snort I’d ever heard before falling down in the floor laughing his ass off. I just stood there confused for the longest time until he got his wits back, stood up, and came over and hugged me. Then he proceeded to tell us how proud he was- PROUD- that I could get that kind of rise outta ‘old Goatface Garret’. He said that ‘GB’ had been a huge bully in his days in school, and anything that made him that flustered and upset had to be a good thing. I guess the lugnut doesn’t fall far from the tree.

But whatever, anyways, me and mom decided it might not be a good idea just yet to tell dad WHY Brody was questioning whether I was a guy or a girl. He was happy at the moment, and while I didn’t think he’d get angry at me I wanted him to enjoy his fun while it lasted. The police had taken Brody’s dad off the property when he tried to smash up some furniture (Dad says he has anger issues- I was starting to see why Brody never had nice things) and he was banned from the premises, so he couldn’t mess with Dad any more, which was a small victory for Dad that he wasn’t gonna let go.

After that, things just never seemed right. How do you tell your dad you’re dressing a little girly for school now ‘cause you’re a cheerleader? You really can’t do it in a good way, can you? That’s why it was now two weeks later, and here I stood in an ‘LBD’ and NERVOUS and walking towards the table to surprise my dad. From the way his eyes boggled I’d guess he was pretty surprised. And so was Lisa’s dad, who we hadn’t let in on the whole deal yet either.

And from the way my grandma started choking on her shrimp, I’d say she was too.

===

I hugged my knees tightly as I huddled in the corner of the barrier, crying softly to myself. GOD, I screw everything up! Why was SHE here? Why couldn’t I just die?

“D? D! Where are you?” Patty came around the corner of our car and found me there crouched on the pavement, but by now I was beyond the point of being embarrassed around her. We’d seen each other in our underwear enough over the past couple of weeks it wasn’t even funny, and besides, she was my best friend. It was just around family and everyone else I got embarrassed. “There you are!” She rushed over to me, her arms outspread, and wrapped me in a hug the minute she reached me.

“Muh… Muh… Muh… Grandma! What was she doing here!”

“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry!” My mom rounded the corner and came up to me, sliding Patty to the side so she could hug me too. “Your dad said she wanted to wish you happy birthday since she won’t be here Friday, and he didn’t see the harm in letting her come to dinner…”

“Moooommmm! Whugh, I mean, what did she say! I can’t believe she’s…” I just shook some more as I tried to calm my nerves. My mom just kept hugging me as she explained.

“She was fine, a little shocked at first, like your dad, but fine. She knows about your physical problems, and I already explained to her about your, ah, breasts, and she thinks this was just us playing a joke on your dad. Come on.” I got unsteadily to my feet, and after sniffling a few more times let go of Patty and my mom.

“Sorry ‘bout the way I reacted. I don’t know why, but I saw her, and I saw her reaction, and, and, and I was scared she would hate me, and,” I stopped for a moment to try and quit hyperventilating. It didn’t work.

“Oh, honey.” My mom came up to me again and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up. Good thing you refused makeup or you’d have raccoon eyes right now.” That lightened the mood a bit, and I managed a stilted laugh, but it was better than nothing.

===

After a stop at the women’s restroom-something else I’d gotten used to over the last couple of weeks- we made our way back to the table, to find Dad and Grandma laughing with Patty’s mom and dad, all happy and not seeming to be freaked out in the least. Our presence I guess finally registered with Grandma, ‘cause she looked up, and this time when she saw me her face broke into a huge grin and she stood up to give me a much needed hug. “Come here, let me look at you. Oh, you’re just too cute for words, and that dress really makes your, umm…” her face twitched a moment, but quickly cleared,” Yes. Here, sit next to me.” A waiter brought around an extra chair, and I sat down as carefully as I could, making sure to smooth my skirt down like I’d gotten used to doing the times Patty had bribed me into wearing a skirt to school again.

“So, what’s everyone having to drink?” The waiter who had brought my chair asked, and as everyone placed their orders I glanced around the table. Everyone seemed calm and relaxed except me, and when I saw Patty she winked at me conspiratorially. The conversation flowed around me, and unsurprisingly the main subject of interest seemed to be my grand entrance and sudden departure.

“I must admit I wasn’t expecting this,” my grandma said, but in that peculiar way of hers that suggested she’d had her suspicions but didn’t want to ruin the surprise. Her and my dad were a lot alike in so many ways attitude-wise, and it was obvious they were related in appearance as well. My grandma was what you would call a ‘handsome’ woman, though never beautiful, and my dad took after her in that respect. A strong chin, piercing eyes and natural blonde hair even at the age of sixty-eight were just a few of the traits that set her apart from other women her age, but her humor and love of life made her seem barely older than my own parents. “So, tell me, Adam, when did my grandson become my granddaughter?” My dad kinda scuffed his feet and coughed.

“I’d kinda like to know that myself.” The look he turned on me was inquiring, but not unkind. My dad was a wonderful man, and I knew he’d always love me, but the circumstances had, well, changed from what I’d been expecting. “Not that I don’t think she’s beautiful, mind you,” he said, intentionally making me blush, “but it’s not every day a fourteen year old boy shows up to eat in a dress, especially not such a, uh, revealing one.”

Yeah, about that… my mom thought it’d be best to be blatant about how girly I looked, so the dress is one of those ones with the stringy straps that don’t really do that much to hold anything up, and was a little tight in the, ahem, chest area. I’d been growing the last few weeks according to my mom, and it seemed I was up to a full ‘B’ cup now. Also according to her, it was probably a good thing I’d been ‘outed’ as a girl as I couldn’t have hid them on someone my size at this point anyways. The girls on the cheer squad said almost a full size in a little over two weeks is really good-I just thought I was a freak, but that’s the norm lately. “It was Mom’s idea.”

“And mine!” Patty volunteered happily, which brought a glare from me, and an amused sideways glance from her mom.

The rest of dinner was, well, a nice dinner out. After a bit everyone seemed to forget about the dress and instead focus on the fact that I’d be turning 15 on the 24th. I wasn’t all that excited about it seeing as at this point if I wanted to have a party it’d have to be as a girl, but that didn’t slow anybody else down. My grandma’s playful streak came out and I jumped out of my seat when she asked, “So, D-uh, D-d-dana, what are you wanting for your birthday? Makeup? Maybe a doll? Nah, you’re a bit old for them now, though porcelain dolls can be fun. Ooh, maybe a boyfriend?” The rest of the table laughed, but I just sat there with my face a wash of crimson. Finally the giggling and guffaws died down, and my grandma reached across to my hand and said, “I think I have a better idea of what to give you.” She took my hand and held it for a moment, and when she removed her hand I felt something in my palm. I carefully opened my hand and there, in the middle of my palm, was my grandma’s Promise Ring!

“Oh, Edith, you can’t!” My mom proclaimed in shock.

“Oh, yes I can! Besides, it’s ‘her’ birthstone, so it’s only appropriate!” I lifted the ring and looked at it. It was a finely crafted gold band, and across the top were three small white stones. “Opals,” she said. “Go ahead, put it on.” I slid it nervously onto my left hand ring finger. It was a perfect fit.

I felt the tears well up in my eyes but couldn’t seem to keep them down. “Th-thank you…” I leaned over and gave my grandma a hug, which seemed to surprise her for some reason, but she returned it warmly. Patty and her mom both oohed and aahed when they were shown the ring, but I refused to take it off. For some reason her giving me that ring seemed like a sign that she accepted me no matter what and, I don’t know, that felt… special, for some reason.

===

We were loading into our cars when I felt a tug on my elbow. I turned around from a quick last word to Patty to see my grandma there, smiling again in that knowing way and holding a package wrapped in newspaper. “When you see Dane, give him this, but tell him he can’t unwrap it until his birthday.”

“Oh, grandma, I love you,” I gushed as I gave her a tight hug. When I pulled away we both had slightly teary eyes, but it was good tears, ya know?

The car was quiet on the way home, and I was happy to just sit back and admire my new ring. Mom and dad simply sat in the front holding hands across the center console. It was nice.

===

I won’t go into the details of the conversation we had when we got home, but it took care of all the details we’d meant to cover over dinner but hadn’t ‘cause of Grandma. Dad listened and didn’t interrupt, but you could see the laughter in his eyes. There’s nothing that makes you feel weirder than knowing your dad isn’t going to help you out of a fix simply ‘cause he finds it funny; that’s really aggravating, but in this case it was that same humor that probably saved my skin. “Just one question,” he said when we’d finished the story. “You’re still taking the pills right?”

“The testosterone? Yeah.” He gave me an odd look at that.

“It’s not testosterone, son. Didn’t they tell you?” I just shook my head confused. He sighed and rubbed his eyes for a moment. “Apparently I’m not the only one who’s getting some interesting news tonight. Dane, what did they tell you about your condition?”

I thought for a moment. “They said my body wasn’t making testosterone right, and that I had too much estrogen in my system. They also said that I didn’t have some kinda receptor or something, why?” I saw that he didn’t really want to tell me, so Mom crossed to behind him and touched his shoulder in support.

“Son, uh, those receptors you don’t have are the ones that read your testosterone.” I gave him a confused look, but a feeling of dread growing in my stomach told me I already knew what was coming next. “The pills you’ve been taking aren’t hormones, they were meant to try and slow down any development the estrogen might cause so we could try to find some other way to… Dane, ah-“

“Sweetie, what your dad’s trying to say is… you can’t use testosterone very well.”

“What? Why not?”

“Your body just doesn’t respond to it. I’m sorry, there’s really nothing we could do…” I didn’t hear the rest as I slammed my bedroom door, fell on my bed, and screamed.

===

“You look like shit, D.” I glanced over at Patty as we walked to school, but didn’t say anything. What was there to say? “I’m sorry, it’s just-“

“No, Patty, that’s alright. I do, don’t I?” I forced a smile on my face, and although Patty knew it was fake, the fact I was trying seemed to make her feel better. She started skipping ahead, but when she got a few yards in front of me she turned around and called me up to her.

“So, any idea what you wanna do for your birthday? You’ve only got like three more days ‘til then, so you really need ta start thinkin’ about it.”

“I dunno, Sis,” I shrugged. We’d been calling each other ‘bro’ and ‘sis’ for a long time, but seemed to do it more since the whole cheerleading thing started, though Patty had abandoned ‘bro’ entirely in favor of ‘sis’ as well. I dunno, I guess after having been best friends for so long the last barrier between us was finally breaking down thanks to the cheerleading. Huh. “I don’t think I’m gonna do anything this year. I mean, it’s really not that big of a deal, and besides, who’d I invite?”

Patty just gave me a look like ‘well, duh!’ “Well, Duh!” Ah. “All the cheerleaders, for one thing! And aren’t you still friends with that Steven kid and all those geeks?”

“Hey! It ain’t like you’ve never gamed with us ya know!”

“I’m just sayin’. There’s lots of people who like you now, Sis! Maybe we can even invite Brody over!” Oh, please. Ever since the whole rose thing, Brody’s been avoiding me like crazy at school. Some of the other cheerleaders said they heard he felt really bad about picking on me ‘cause he always thought I was just a gay guy or something, and for some reason that made me feel sorry for him. I mean, I know he was mean to me for like forever, but this ain’t quite the way I’d hoped to stop his picking on me.

“Patty! No, okay? I don’t wanna have a lot of people over right now, I don’t feel like it.”

“Well, why not? Are you on your period or something?” Okay, it was a joke. I get it. But, I dunno, I just kinda snapped.

“No, Patty, but since you’re SO concerned about me, maybe this’ll explain!” I was yelling, but I couldn’t stop- I wouldn’t stop. I needed this off my chest, and she’d asked for it! “I can’t be a guy! No matter what, I’m gonna look like a girl for the rest of my life whether I want to or not! How about that huh?”

“But, Dana, your medicine…”

“It’s not working! Look at me!” I threw my bag onto a nearby bench and walked right up nose to chin to her, crying again, like I always seemed to be lately. “I’m stuck like this, a freak, forever! You’ve got it so great, you’re normal, but I’m just- AAARRHGH!” I screamed. And screamed. And cried, and screamed some more. And it didn’t seem to help any no matter how much I tried to let the hurt out.

===

Why all of a sudden? I’ve been doing this thing for, like, a month now, so why now? I dunno, but Patty decided to walk me back home instead of taking me to school, and all I could do was cry.

I mean, it’s not bad this girl thing, but… how did I end up like this? What did I do to make the world decide I was a girl? And why did everybody accept it so easily?

That’s one thing I still haven’t figured out. Fourteen, almost fifteen years spent trying to be a guy, and it all disappears after a couple of weeks as a girl. Not just to them, but to ME too! I can’t even think back on how things used to be without seeing myself as a girl any more. And the crying just doesn’t seem to want to stop ever.

I woke up around noon to find Patty still there with me, laying on my bed and watching me worriedly. Patty, who knew me better than anybody else. If I can’t figure this out, maybe she can. “Sis?”

“Yeah?” She stroked my hair gently, brushing it back from my face.

“Why does everybody think I’m a girl? Do I act gay or something? God, am I such a complete wuss I can’t even pass as GAY then? Why?” I sniffled a bit, and curled up a little tighter. I guess I’d mostly cried myself out while I was asleep, for the first time since this all began, and now I just felt empty and scared, and I didn’t like it.

“Oh, sweetie,” she hugged me tightly, and I could see she’d been crying again too- we always did get each other started. “I dunno, I mean, uh. Huh. It’s just, well,” she hesitated for a moment, then chose to continue. “Remember when I turned nine and our moms took us to Silver Dollar City for my birthday? Remember who I invited?”

I thought about it a moment. Erica, Sarah, Lindy, Carmen, me. “Yeah?”

She shuffled a bit to get a bit more comfortable. “Did you have fun with us?”

“Yeah! It was great, we all rode all the rides together and got necklaces.”

“And you didn’t feel uncomfortable being the only boy there?”

Oh. “I hadn’t really thought about it. I mostly just remember it was nice hanging out with ya’ll.”

“And when it was your birthday a couple of months later, who did you have over?”

Erica, Sarah, Lindy, Carmen, Patty. And I’d invited Miriam and Jonathan, too, but they couldn’t make it. “The same girls.” Now that I thought about it, huh. She must have seen the look of confusion on my face, ‘cause she just nodded. “Okay, so I don’t have that many of my own friends besides you-“

“No, D, that’s just it. They weren’t just my friends, they were your friends too. And they all showed up, and we had a lot of fun, didn’t we?” I nodded. Then she giggled and asked, “But do you remember what Erica’s mom asked yours?”

I thought for a moment, and frowned. “She asked my mom if she knew I ‘pretended’ to be a boy at school.” Another tear made its escape as I remembered the ensuing argument that was the reason Erica was never allowed to play with us again.

I looked at Patty again, and she looked almost as sad as I felt. “I’m sorry D, but you’ve always been a bit girly, at least to me.” She gave me another hug, and I buried my face in her shoulder. “I know you’ve always tried to be a boy but, uh, I don’t know if you can.” How could I argue with her on that when all the evidence agreed with her? “But I don’t care if you’re a boy or a girl, okay? Just be who you want to be. And I’m sorry.” I felt another sob wrack my body, but it wasn’t mine. “I’m SO sorry I made you do this. I didn’t think it would hurt you, it’d just be a bit of fun, but if you’re not enjoying it I’ll take the blame for it. I, I,” and she cried for a bit. All of a sudden, I had gone from being the one being comforted to being the one doing the comforting.

“Patty? Patty, don’t blame yourself for anything. You didn’t hurt me, and it HAS been fun, mostly.” I squeezed her tightly, and we just sat there for a long time, not sure who needed who more.

===

“Dana? Sorry… D?”

“Yeah?”

“Is being a girl really that bad to you? I mean, honestly?”

I pulled myself up onto my elbows as best I could with Patty’s arms still locked around me in a death grip, and looked at her. And looked some more. “I…” I had to think about this. “I, I guess not, not really. But, I mean, I’m a guy, you know? Or I was supposed to be. I thought.” I shifted around a bit to try and get comfortable before continuing. “What I mean is, like, I’ve spent my entire life a guy, and now everyone thinks I’m a girl, and it’s just like, why all the wasted effort? No, not that- why make me think I’m one thing, but actually another? Or, no, uh… oh, I dunno, Patty.” She hugged me again, and I smoothed her hair for a bit as I thought.

I seriously hoped Mom wouldn’t be mad when she got home and found out we’d skipped. She’d always told me- and I think Patty’s mom said the same thing- that we could just tell them if we didn’t feel like going to school, and even if we weren’t sick they’d let us stay out if we had a good reason, but this was the first time we’d done it without permission in a long time. Heh. “Patty?” She shifted around me a bit. “Do you remember the last time we skipped school?”

“Hehehe, yeah. Fourth grade.” She finally pulled herself up to lay on the bed, her head resting on the pillow next to mine. “We ran off ‘cause the fair was in town. We were gonna join up and become carnival people, ‘cause we didn’t understand the difference between a carnival and the fair.”

“Yup. And remember what happened when the girl who ran the haunted house found us accidentally trapped in one of the cages?”

“OH, yeah.” She had to stop talking for a moment to giggle a bit, and I joined her as I reminisced myself. “She called our parents, and then dragged us up to the main office thing they had set up, and when we tried to explain we were there to join the circus, she, she…”

“Yeah. She set us to work cleaning out the livestock pens until our moms got there.” I curled up my nose at the memory of the stench of all the cow manure we had to shovel that day. “We promised our moms never to skip school or run away again.”

“Yup. I had my fingers crossed, though. You?”

“Me too.” We both just lay there and laughed for the longest time, until we passed out from the emotional strain of all we’d been dealing with. I, for one, could use the rest.

===

“Oh, they’re so sweet.”

“And in SO much trouble.”

“Well, yeah, but not just yet. Look at how cute they look, lying there all curled up together, just like when they were babies.”

I rolled over a bit to try and stretch, only to find myself held firmly in place by a still snoozing Patty. So, I just rubbed my eyes for a bit to try and find who was talking. I had just enough brain cells going to spot my mom and Patty’s mom in the doorway. They both made ‘ssshhhhhh’ gestures at me, and closed the door again, so I just laid my head back on the pillow and passed out.

===

When I woke up again Patty was gone, but the bed was still warm where she’d been. I rolled myself off the bed and glanced blurry eyed at my alarm clock to see what time it was.

WHAT! Five in the afternoon? I know we were up until noon at least just talking and crying, so we must have slept for at least four hours… “Patty?”

“In here.” I followed the sound of her voice out my bedroom door, down the hall, and into the living room to find her sitting with both our moms and dads, all of whom seemed worried. “I was just trying to tell them why we weren’t at school today,” she started, but I could see she still wasn’t sure what to tell them. They didn’t seem angry at least, so maybe we wouldn’t get in too much trouble.

“Would you care to tell us what’s goin’ on, son?” Her father, Ruben Noland, asked. He was a tall man with dark hair, and seeing him always made me think of an older version of that Colin Farrel guy from the movies. Patty took after him a lot more than her mom, but even so he was a lot different than Patty- not colder, just a lot more neutral.

“Sorry, sir, I wasn’t feeling too good, and Patty decided I didn’t need to go to school with how I was feeling.” There, no lies, just, well, bending the truth a bit.

“Are you feeling better now?”

“Uh, I guess a bit.”

It was my dad’s turn next. “You had us worried a bit, you know. The school called us to say you weren’t in, and we were all about ready to go searching for you. Luckily we decided it’d be best to check the houses first before sending out the hounds, otherwise you’d be in a lot of trouble right now.” My dad. He could take almost anything in stride, but the second something happened that he thought could hurt someone he loved he was always a bundle of nerves it seemed. I could run around in skirts all I wanted, I guess, but if I tried to go boardin’ without my helmet he’d go almost neurotic telling me all the safety precautions I needed to take. Wasn’t the clothes thing dangerous too? Oh well, whatever. My dad’s weird.

“Dad, we weren’t in trouble or anything, I just, I, please Daddy…” Shit!

“Dane, get back here!” My mom was calling to me, but I just slammed by bedroom door and locked it.

===

God. Pardon my language, but my ass got REAMED when I finally opened my door back up. Not for skipping, no, for running off like that. At this point I just wasn’t sure I cared though. I just let them yell and cry until they couldn’t any more, and I couldn’t feel anything for a bit. I went to bed early, and still felt nothing. And I woke up in the morning, and felt nothing again.

I grabbed some of my old clothes- my baggy boxers, a pair of baggy jeans, and a baggy tee shirt with baggy socks and too- big shoes. I wanted to give being a boy another shot, and this was the best way I knew how, but looking in the mirror shattered any hopes of that. All I’d managed to do was make myself look like a dorky twelve year old girl wearing her big brother’s clothes. And they were uncomfortable, too.

Ah, fuck it. I wore them to school anyways.

Patty met up with me on the way to school, but didn’t say anything about the way I was dressed. It was a cheer practice day today, but I didn’t even care about that. I just went through the day on autopilot, skipping lunch to go to the library, and leaving for home right after last period. I just didn’t care.

When I got home, though, I found Mom already back from the salon and waiting for me. “We have to talk.”

“Mom, I-“

“Now.” Whatever. I slumped into the couch across from the armchair she’d positioned herself in, and just stared at her until she started to speak. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, Dane! Last week you were fine, this week you’re moping around like the world’s falling apart around you. Now, I know you, and this isn’t the kid I raised you to be, so spill.”

And I did. It was like a dam bursting, and I couldn’t stop the words from spilling out. My embarrassment over being looked at as a girl, my feelings of shame that I couldn’t be a boy, my unanswered prayers just to be normal, even my fears about losing my place on the squad. All of it, including the things I wouldn’t even admit to Patty. Right along with the fears and disgust at being a girly boy was the fear that somehow, someone would try and make me stop being a girl. I wanted to be a normal girl- no, guy. Hell, I don’t care, I just wanna be normal, it doesn’t matter how. But no, I had to be this THING. And I hated myself for it. I loved being a cheerleader, but I also loved all the stuff I’d always done as Dane too. I loved being liked, and not being picked on, but I hated the feeling that I was just putting on an act all the time. It, it just wasn’t right, ya know? And Mom just sat and listened, and didn’t say anything. Finally, when I ran down and collapsed back onto the couch- when did I stand up?- she came over and sat next to me, wrapping her arms around me just like Patty had the day before.

Huh. Had it really only been two days since we’d had dinner with Grandma? But… I was happy then, so why not now? “Hormones,” my mom sighed, like it explained everything. I was feeling an awful lot better now, though. As long as I had my mom and dad, and Patty, I’d be alright.

And I didn’t even want to cry about it, either. In fact, I think I could even smile.

===

The next day was pretty normal. Really! Seriously though, me and Mom had a talk. She told me I didn’t have to be a girl if I didn’t want to, but that with what was happening to my body it’d probably be easier. She also told me she’d set up another appointment with the doctor to talk to me, so I decided to get dressed nicer again, and after I called Patty to see if she’d come over and walk with me again today I even agreed to wear a skirt like she asked me to.

Which makes what happened next all the more embarrassing.

“So, have you decided on how you want your party to be tomorrow?”

“Patty, I’ve told you already, I don’t want a birthday party. I’m just gonna spend the afternoon with you and our parents, okay? Maybe rent a couple of movies or something, please?” She gave me her long suffering exasperated look that nevertheless meant she was going to acquiesce to what I wanted- I’d come to just call it Sigh #34.

“But can I at least let the girls on the squad know so they can get you presents or something?” I returned Sigh #34 back to her in response, and she giggled and jumped around happily. But when she reached for my hands to try to get me to dance too, I tried to pull away, and ended up stumbling backwards.

Just as I was stumbling backwards, a breeze picked up. I’d felt relaxed and fairly- oh, alright, I was feeling really GIRLY this morning- and had decided on a kinda airy gauzy tie dyed skirt, which had a bad habit to blow about a lot in the breeze anyways…

I fell, my skirt somehow managing to flip up all the way to my armpits. And just at that moment, James ‘soccer boy’ Williams pulled up in his new Fit to offer us a ride.

“Gee, Dana, pink underwear?”

“Patty!”

“Guh, umm…”

“James!”

“Come on and get up, or are you waiting for TB to come by and see your pretty panties?”

“GAARYGH!”

“Hey, it was a joke!”

And if it hadn’t been for the stupid skirt, I woulda caught her before we reached the school too. Huh, just wait, Patty, you’ll pay. Oh, you’ll pay.

===

Patty tried to slap me when we got to our lunch table, but I dodged her and ran behind Lisa, who was sufficiently enough larger than me to make a decent shield.

“You little Bi- rrh, Witch, I’ll get you for that!”

I knew I’d not hear the end of it for a while, and probably have a few bruises too, but the wedgie had SO been worth the pain.

===

“Owwie.” And thus I found myself again being supported by James, only this time on the way out to his car. She’d sneak attached me on the way to my locker and accidentally ran me head long into it, which is why she was on my other side and apologizing profusely.

“Oh, Dana, I’m like SO sorry it won’t happen again I’d never hurt you you know that oh god please don’t be mad at me it was an accident I-“

“PATTY!”

“Yeah?” She looked sheepish for a moment, and I calmed down.

“’Zokay. Jes’ need a lil’ rest. Ooh.” I wobbled and fell against James, who just picked me up like he’d done last time, like it was nothing. Wow, he’s strong. I was kinda out of it though, and when one of his hands slipped and brushed my breast I couldn’t help but giggle at his embarrassment.

“Dana, you little tease. Sorry James, I swear she isn’t normally like this.”

“Oh, I know, I watch her in class all- uh, that is, I mean, uh. Shit.” I giggled again, but shut up when Patty gave me a hard stare. But as soon as she stopped I got all giggly again. No, I got hysterical, and James nearly dropped me when I started convulsing with laughter, but the pain in my head quickly made me have to stop.

“Double owwie.”

“Tease.”

“Girls, come on, stop it. I’ll give ya’ll a ride home.” I just held on the rest of the way to his car, not wanting to fall or be dropped or carried off by giant flying spiders. What?

“Uh, Dana, you can let the big hunky boy go now, we’re at his car.”

“Oh.” I blushed. And my head hurt.

“Now, please?” Patty was so impatient today! Geez, like she wouldn’t-

Aah, yes. Okay.

“Dana!”

“Sorry!”

===

Patty got out with my at my place ‘to help me get inside’, but the moment James pulled away she was on my like, like, uh, something that’s really on something or other. God my head hurt.

“D, I don’t know what you were pulling back there, but were you even thinking?”

“Patty, what are you talking about?” All I did was hang on to him. Besides, he was big. And warm. And he smelled good. And I started freaking. “Uh, ohgodohgodohgodwhatwasIdoingohgodhe’saGUYandI’MaguybutIwasliketotallyalloverhimandOHNO!!!”

“Yeah, D. Were you even thinking back there?”

“Oh, Patty! I dunno, I mean- wait, you HIT me! This is YOUR fault!”

“What? How so? I didn’t make you latch on to him like a lovesick little GIRL, did I?”

“No… but it’s still your fault.”

“Whatever.” But she hugged me, so I know she wasn’t really mad at me or anything. And my head wasn’t hurting so much now either, but the confusion remained just a bit.

===

The next day was pretty boring. I wore jeans, that’s probably why. My life seems to get way too interesting when I wear skirts, and for the life of me I can’t figure out why. And I was very successfully managing NOT to think about James. And him holding me. I wonder if- no no no. Oh, shut up. The point is, things were pretty calm and quiet and easy for a bit. Then cheerleading practice rolled around.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

“AAAHH!”

All the girls were there in their uniforms already when I came out of the locker room, and they had a cake and presents, and Miss Cole had the stereo turned to some pop station or another. That’s one thing I still needed to work on these girls about- music. Why couldn’t we be listening to some ‘X’, or ‘Siouxie and the Banshees’, or maybe Johnny Rotten something or other? I should be so lucky. But more importantly, “How did ya’ll do this?”

“Oh,” Lisa stepped up holding one end of the cake with Shelby on the other, “Patty told us weeks ago when your birthday was,” the sneak, “and we always do this for any girl’s birthday! So Happy Fifteenth!” She handed me a large cake server to cut the first piece with. The cake was beautiful, decorated in the school colors with ‘Happy Birthday Dana’ on the top in blue icing and some mini poms sticking out of it. I almost started crying, to think they all like me enough to-

“WHA!” My thoughts were interrupted by a world of white and sugar covering my face and chest.

“Shelby!”

“Oh, come on, that was funny!”

===

Me and Patty were still laughing our heads off when Lisa dropped me off home.

“Hey you two, don’t forget about homecoming next week! The entire cheer team’s gonna have matching costumes for each day, so we’re getting together tomorrow to plan them and goin’ shoppin’ on Sunday! Ya’ll need to be there, ‘kay?”

“Sure,” Patty said for us. Since neither of us had practices on weekends this time- wait, did I forget that? State Gymnastics and Martial Arts were going on in December this year, but we’ve been pushing so hard in our classes they decided everybody deserved a week off. Figures, first weekend I really had to relax and I gotta do costumes, le sigh. “What time do we need to meet up tomorrow?”

“I’ll call ya’ll, but probably around noon.”

“’Kay, we’ll be ready!”

“Great!” Lisa enthused. She seemed to have adopted me and Patty as ‘her freshmen’, and since the entire team had made me the pet project of the year I’d spent more time with her and in more intimate situations than most of the guys at school could imagine in their wettest dreams, and yet sadly, I felt no attraction. Not her, not Nancy (who was still a total witch to me). Not Shelby, not Kelsie, not Miranda, not Patty (eww, she’s my SISTER, gross!), none of the girls. I wondered about this as I watched her drive off, but I didn’t have a heck of a lot of time as Patty drug me to the door to continue the birthday celebrations inside with our parents.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” The cake was beautiful, decorated in the school colors with ‘Happy Birthday Dana’ on the top in blue icing and some mini poms sticking out of it. Oh, ha ha, Patty. I just sighed, made my wish, and blew out the candles.

===

Money from my mom and dad, money from Patty’s mom and dad, and money from my Uncle Chuck and Aunt Raychel too. In my mom and dad’s case (and I think in Patty’s parents’ case as well) the money was ‘cause they weren’t sure what to get me. After all, would a girl’s present be better than a boy’s? Le sigh. My Uncle Chuck always sent money, but what always made it interesting was that it was always from a different country. He didn’t have to work ‘cause of some big settlement before I was born that NOBODY will tell me about, and did a lot of traveling. This year it looked to be Japanese Yen, let’s see, calculator with exchange rate, carry the two, uh, about thirty bucks worth, nice. Now if only I were in Japan, yup.

Finally it was time for my wrapped presents, or I guess I should say present. I took Grandma’s package and sat it in my lap for the ‘before’ picture my mom always took for one of Grandma’s presents. Here’s the thing- if my uncle’s present of money from around the world was weird, then my Grandma’s presents were always from way out in left field. When I was nine she’d bought me twenty boxes of band-aids shaped like strips of bacon, when I was twelve it was a set of African fertility statues (my dad thought that one was hilarious; she said it was to help with the birds and the bees talk), and last year it had been a bag of potting soil with a few packages of seeds. They were always interesting presents, and useful or fun in their own way, but it always made me feel like I understood just that little bit more why my dad was so weird.

I ripped through the paper slowly, unsure what I would find inside. The package was kinda cylindrical and oblong and soft for the most part, so maybe it was raw hamburger for all I knew, or a fake weasel or-

Yarn?

And needles. And a book on how to knit. What in the hell?

“Ooh, that’s really sweet of her! I’ve been telling your Grandma for a couple of years now I wanted to teach you how to sew or knit, and lookie here!” My mom was happy about this? Huh.

“Thanks Grandma,” I kinda mumbled under my breath, but I was smiling.

===

The movies were so-so, but me and Patty just had a blast gorging on popcorn and talking up a storm, occasionally quieting down when one of my parents came out to tell us to. We’d had a sleepover almost every birthday since we were three, why not now? It was getting late, though- or early, depends on how you look at it- so we were finally settling into my bedroom when Patty reached into her pack and pulled out another wrapped present.

“This is from me, and me only,” she said, blushing a bit as she brought it to me. It was wrapped in a bright pink piece of cloth, and tied off at top with a long gold tassel. All I had to do was pull the tassel to release the cotton sheet- baby blanket? Inside was something I’d never have expected in a million years.

“Pooh bear?” I lifted up the large plush animal to take a closer look, and sure enough it was Pooh Bear.

“I mean, you don’t have any stuffed animals, or dolls or anything, and I remember how when you were little you would always carry him around when you were at my house so…”

I reached out and gave Patty a tight hug. “Thank you.” I was tearing up AGAIN, but in a happy way this time. Pooh Bear wasn’t an actual Winnie the Pooh, that’s just what I’d named him when we were five because I loved Winnie the Pooh so much. He was just a large, plushie white teddy bear with a big pink bow around his neck. And yes, I used to carry him everywhere when I was at Patty’s. “I didn’t think you still had him! Oh, Patty, I can’t accept this, I mean, you know.”

“Oh, come on, he’s always been yours really. Besides, you’ve been kinda down lately and I figured you could use the company.” I squeezed the bear, and thought how lucky I was to have Patty as a best friend.

===

“That’s IT! I HATE you!”

“FINE!”

Mom came in right at that moment and looked at us with murder in her eyes. “All right you two, what’s going on here?” She was about to really bite into us until she saw my face. Her anger turned to a twitch, to a smirk, to a grin, and she quickly closed the door. I heard laughing as she headed back down the hall towards her own room.

Meanwhile, I continued trying to beat Patty to death with a pillow after waking up to find myself in full KISS-style makeup.

===

“GOOD MORNING, ladies!”

“HOORAH.”

Okay, so it was kinda lame, but we’d all taken to kinda doing this weird greeting when we met up early in the day. It’s a cheerleader thing. Lisa clapped her hands a couple of times for silence, and as one we all turned our attention to her to start the meeting. “Okay, it’s homecoming this week folks, and I know I’ve left it kinda late but we need to get together our plan of attach! SO, here’s the days as I know ‘em. Monday is Traitor Day, when we have to dress in another school’s colors. Tuesday is Camo Day, so we all have to wear camoflage. Wednesday is Hillbilly Day, so we all have to dress like, well, hillbillies. Thursday is Costume Day, since Friday is Spirit Day, and the day of the homecoming dance, pep rally and the big gamre. We also have our first away game on Wednesday night! SO, any ideas?” Shelby raised her hand, but everybody ignored her- it was for the best.

===

Saturday, and one week ‘til Halloween! This is gonna be the first year I’m not actually Trick or Treating, Patty too, but maybe the homecoming dance’ll be fun. Since the cheerleaders are in charge of decoration we’re gonna do it really creepy and have a combination Halloween slash Homecoming dance thing. I think the phrase ‘creepy but elegant’ was Nancy’s exact words when we were working it up. Lots of black crepe paper and orange and silver bits everywhere, with long white tapers placed everywhere the school will let us since the dance is in the cafeteria. We ain’t a huge school, but we’re big enough the gym wouldn’t hold all of us with enough room to dance, and after second lunch shift Friday we’ve got until the pep rally starts to get our decorating done while the basketball players do the gym. I dunno, I used to not get into all this stuff but it’s like the more time I spend with the other gir- ahem, cheerleaders, the more I seem to get into all the dances and things. What can I say, school spirit never felt so good before! And the pep rally was gonna be fun, too, ‘cause the girls let me pick a song to put into our cheer mix! It was kinda hard to find a song I liked and work out the eight counts for it, but I finally decided on a song called ‘Saturday’ by Go Betty Go, and all the girls seemed to like it too, I just hope the school does when they hear it! We’re only doing like a minute of it but-

God, I’m even starting to THINK in run-on sentences. That’s sad.

ANYways, we decided to walk back home from Lisa’s ‘cause Patty wanted some Taco Bell. It was pretty warm for late October, so we were both in shorts with tank tops- I don’t know why I felt it necessary to mention that, but we were. I didn’t know that James worked here on weekends.

“Hey, Patty! Uh, hi Dana.”

“James!” I’d always thought James was pretty nice, and he seemed happy to see us too.

“James.” Jeez, Patty, what’s up with you?

“Hey, what’re you girls doing this afternoon? I get off in like fifteen minutes, you wanna do somethin’?”

I said ‘Sure!’ right at the same time Patty said ‘No, thanks’. James looked from one of us to the other, and I just got red ‘cause Patty was staring at me like I’d just grown horns.

“Excuse us a moment, James. Dana, follow me please.” Patty started pulling on my arm hard, and I soon found myself in the bathroom. “Whadda you think you’re doin’?”

“What, he wants to hang out with us, so…”

“No, he wants to hang out with YOU, I’m just along for the ride.”

“Oh, come ON, Patty.”

“Seriously, ‘Sis’. Now, if you’re interested in him, just say it, okay?” What!? She can’t mean, I mean, I’m a, no.

“But, I mean, Patty it’s not like that.” She just gave me a look. “It isn’t!”

“Okay, then. Kiss me.”

“What!”

“Well, if you like girls you’ll do it. In fact, I’ll make a dare with you. If you can kiss me and not be grossed out, we’ll both go out and hang out with him. If not, I dare YOU to go out with him ALONE.”

“Patty, that’s not fair!”

“Isn’t it?” She just glared at me, but when she saw how nervous I was her look softened almost to a concerned face. “Hey, seriously, if you like him it’s okay, I just want you to think, ‘kay? ‘Cause he’s interested in YOU. So, do you like him?” She gave me an encouraging look, but I still felt really embarrassed.

I’d been trying to ignore or step around the whole sexuality issue for weeks now. Well, ever since the first time I’d found myself in his arms back in September. It scared me, but it’d also felt good, which scared me even more. And so I just ignored it. I wasn’t attracted to the girls in cheerleading, but I was always afraid of being found out just a little bit so I just put that down to nerves. So I ignored it too. Besides, they’re all good friends now- or most of them are, anyhow- and you don’t fancy your friends, ya know? And Patty’s my sister practically, how ‘m I supposed to KISS her like that in the first place? I mean, we’d kissed cheeks before, but I’m pretty sure she means a kiss on the lips, gross! But, was it so much ‘cause she’s my sister or ‘cause she’s a girl? I tried to imagine myself kissing one of the other girls at school who I thought were pretty. Huh, just doesn’t come to me. I mean, is it gross though? Not really a gross idea but still.

Then I decided to do the unthinkable. Whew, okay, here goes. Imagine James kissing you. Wrapping you in his arms. Holding you again. Touching your lips with his tongue, and you lean in and…

“Oh, no! You DO like him, don’t you! I KNEW IT!”

“I do NOT!” I objected, but I knew my face was red as a beet.

“You DO! Just LOOK at yourself!” She pointed to the mirror and, oh god. Ah, let’s just say They were showing through my tank. Bad. “Well, I’m DEFINITELY not leaving you alone with him now!”

“Whah?” I just looked at her confused. “But I thought you said-“

“Yeah, but if this is the kind of reaction you had, and I KNOW what you were thinking about, I’m not gonna let you outta my site with him ‘til I know it’s safe. Where’s your cell, I’ll call your mom and let her know we’ll be out a bit later than expected, YOU just stay here and calm down a bit.” I blushed, and rushed into the closest of the two stalls to hide until she was gone. God, what have I gotten myself into THIS time?

===

“Ya’ll like Mexican food, huh?” We’d never gotten our Taco Bell, so James was taking us out to dinner. We both nodded, and soon we found ourselves pulling into Ortega’s jammed parking lot.

“James, we can’t afford this!”

“My treat, both of you.” I was about to object, but Patty pinched my butt from the back seat and all that came out was a surprised “Ack!”

And the food was delicious. At first I was li- crap, stupid valley girl crap- I was kinda jittery and not really talkative, but after a little bit he got me and Patty loosened up with some funny stories of soccer mishaps and stuff, and we were soon having an animated three way discussion.

“So, after we finish ya’ll wanna go see a movie?” I looked over to Patty carefully, and when she nodded I smiled at him.

“Yeah, that’d be great!” A pained look crossed his face, though, and he got a little red.

“Uh, I’ve only really got enough cash left for two tickets though…”

“Oh, just get Dana’s, I’ll pick up my own.” Patty, what are you doing now! But instead of saying something I just kicked her under the table.

“OWCH!”

“Oops, sorry James! I was trying to-“ but Patty was cackling now, and he couldn’t have heard me even if I had finished.

===

There was only a short line to see the new Firefly movie ‘Connecting Flight’, for some reason, but we weren’t complaining since it got us in that much quicker and on to the action. We were just about settled when James rushed off to the bathroom, and Patty stole a chance to talk to me.

“Girl, he’s really got the hots for you.” I’d already been doing a lot of blushing lately, so why should a crowded theater change things? “So, you gonna kiss him tonight?”

“Patty!”

“SSHHH!!” Oops, too loud. Patty slapped me lightly on the shoulder, but James was returning, so she sat back.

“Can’t see a movie without popcorn and a drink.” He set the extra large soda in the holder between us and Patty snatched the popcorn before he could find a place to set it.

“I thought you only had enough for two tickets?”

Patty’s question caught him off guard, and he knew his deception had been seen through, but then I practically saw the lightbulb over his head before he replied, “Well, yeah. Two tickets and the popcorn and a drink.” Patty rolled her eyes, but marked a point in the air for him. I just giggled a bit before we were shushed again.

===

Apparently sticking a monkey in a straight jacket in your movie is some kinda way of sayin’ somethin’ right now, ‘cause there was one this time too. I’ve gotta figure that out.

“That was awesome!” Patty’d spent almost the entire movie on the edge of her seat- she had all the DVDs of the TV show and the first movie already, and all the comics, and she’d even custom modified some of her old Barbie dolls into figures from the show. Jayne was my favorite since she didn’t have a dark haired Ken so she’d filed the boobs off of a Chelsie or whatever her name was figure and cut off all her hair. She used an old Aladdin figure for Simon, and- well, she’s a big fan.

“Yeah, it was really cool!” James was pretty excited too. About fifteen minutes into the movie he’d grabbed my left hand and not let go the entire time, and when we got up to leave he’d kept my hand in his. It made me a bit confused, but it felt good too, and I didn’t want to embarrass him so I left it there. “Did you like it Dana?” He looked down at me with those big puppy dog eyes of his and I almost couldn’t keep standing.

“Hey, moony girl, he asked ya something!” Who said that! There was laughing behind me, but no one there when I turned to look. Whatever.

“It was a lot of fun, I liked it. I think I’m a bit more of a fantasy person myself, though.”

“So the pretty little Princess likes stories about Princesses, huh?”

“Shut UP, Patty!” Screw this, she’s goin’ DOWN.

===

“Do ya’ll always have to hurt each other?” I would have said ‘no’, but I was too busy leaning my head back trying to stop the blood from my nose with a piece of toilet paper. All I could manage was a weird side to side shake of my head that made me dizzy. Patty just stayed on the grass and groaned for a bit.

It had started out innocently enough, but then that bench came out of nowhere. I was luchy- I saw it coming and just fell flat on my face. Patty ran into it full tilt and flipped over, scraping her knees and getting some good bruises to her forearms too.

“Are you okay Pat?”

“Yeah. You?”

“I think so. Can you walk?”

“Uh huh.” Then I heard her giggle and let out a fake moan. “Ooh, I’m not sure, can James carry me like he does you?”

“MINE!”

“What?”

Oops. Did I say that out loud? Le Sigh. At least James seemed to be happy, ‘cause he was sure grinnin’ like a fool.

===

“Thanks for the food. And the movie.”

“’Twas my pleasure.” James had opened the car door and escorted me to the apartment’s front door holding my hand. I wanted to tell him to let it go, or pull it away, but I didn’t. I could tell Patty was a bit miffed that we’d left her to let herself out of the car and follow us, but her head still hurt her enough she didn’t wanna have to talk I guess, and after the bloody nose I wasn’t feeling too sorry for her. I reached for the door handle to open it, but before I could wrap my hand around it the door seemed to fly open. And there stood my mom, looking at me standing there with a boy. And holding his hand. And wearing his hoodie too.

“Hello.”

“Hi Mom.”

“Uh, Hello, Miss Phoenix.” We stood there for a few moments in awkward silence, nobody knowing what to say. Patty wandering up holding my rolled up tank top didn’t help any. Mom’s eyes bugged out for a moment, but she quickly went back to being cool as ice.

“Well, aren’t you gonna introduce me?”

“Oh, yeah! Mom, this is James, he goes to school with us and is on the soccer team. James, this is my mom.” He held his hand- the one that wasn’t holding mine- out to my mom, and she took it carefully.

“Might I ask whose top you’re wearing, Dana?” I looked down and suddenly realized what she was thinking.

“Oh, uh, it’s James’s, but it’s not what you think, Mom, there was so much blood on my top that-“

“BLOOD!” She went deathly pale for a moment, and I realized I’d made another mistake.

“Mom, it’s okay, just, urgh, and I’m not even wearing a SKIRT today!” I stomped a moment in frustration, and when I looked up everyone was giving me this weird ‘are you okay?’ look. “What?!”

===

James finally let go of my hand and left after what felt like five hours, and so I was left trying to explain the whole skirt thing, which brought gales of laughter from Mom and a skeptical glance from Patty. “I haven’t noticed anything happening just ‘cause you wore a skirt.”

“What about Thursday when James drove by?” My mom gave me another hard look, so I was stuck recounting THAT to her. She was trying to hold the giggles in I swear, I don’t know if she wanted to laugh at me more or berate me. Laughing finally won out.

“But that doesn’t prove anything.”

“Tuesday when we went to dinner. The week before that on Thursday when it got caught on the book cart and nearly buried me under encyclopedias. The one when we went to the movies and that guy grabbed my ass, the time-“

“OKAY OKAY OKAY, I get it already! Jeezus.”

“And what about-“

“NOT! Another word. Dana, to your room and to bed. Patty, you too. And if I hear ya’ll talking all night long I’m not gonna be sympathetic if you’re still tired when I get ya’ll up in the morning. And NO FIGHTING. I think I’m getting a headache…” We knew better than to push Mom now, and we were gone in a flash.

===

Sunday we went shopping for costume stuff. Since all us cheerleaders got together to do costumes that go together me and Patty had to get a lot of different accessories that most of the other girls already had. Not only that, but I had almost NOTHING for my Thursday costume, and I wasn’t really looking forward to it. Why? Well, the girls decided we’re all doing pop stars and famous musicians, and so we wouldn’t have any arguments over who was who (like you can stop it) we all had to write out two suggestions and drop them in a shoe box. Then Lisa had everyone draw a costume. I was hoping for one of my own suggestions of either Cyndi Lauper or Joan Jett since they’re both pretty cool and would be fun to do, but instead I drew Sheryl Crow, so at least my hair will work okay. Patty got Debbie Harry from Blondie, lucky her, while wouldn’t you guess it, Lisa got Cyndi and Nancy got Joan Jett. Kinda figures, don’t it? So, that’s why we were in the mall, and I was thinking about whether or not I wanted to burn almost three months worth of allowance to get a brown leather jacket that would be perfect for my costume.

“Hmm…”

“I say go for it. It’s perfect, and all we’d need after that’s a pair of pants with a snakeskin pattern and you’d be set. God, you’re lucky, you get to look like really cool, I have to dress like a coke whore.”

“PATTY!”

“What, like you don’t know what I’m talking about.” I reluctantly shrugged- well, Debbie Harry was kinda drugged out looking. Probably ‘cause she was kinda drugged out. A lot.

“Hey, do you have any boots I could borrow?”

“My feet are too big, you probably need to ask someone like Shelby who’s closer to your size.”

“I dunno, I don’t think Shelby likes me much.” Shelby was about my size with very red hair, but she tended to be a bit mean to me.

“Oh, that’s just what she’s like to everyone. In gym in sixth grade she once stole everybody’s underwear and wouldn’t give ‘em back. We had to go the rest of the day with-“

“Patty, I don’t need to know that!”

“Just sayin’. I’m sure if you ask nicely she’ll bring you a pair, I know she has some nice cowgirl boots that’ll be perfect, and she can be pretty nice when she’s not being a complete snot.” I just ignored her. And bought the jacket. It’s been getting colder so I need a good jacket anyways, and since I’ve gotta be a bit girly most of the time now a girl’s jacket can’t hurt. And as much as I hate to admit it, it looks really cute on me too, kinda folk rock elegant if you know what I mean. Well, I thought it made sense.

Two hours later and about another two hundred bucks poorer (goodbye laptop, hello L.E.I.) we had all the accessories and things we needed for our cheerleading stuff for the next week, so I decided that since we still had another half hour or so before we needed to leave Patty could stand accompanying me to the book store to see about the Mazes and Monsters books Stephen had been using last month. This was the first chance I’d had since that weekend to really get a chance to look for them, and I didn’t wanna miss it.

“What’s a girl like you doin’ in a geeky place like this huh?” Oh my god, he didn’t. “Need a hand finding the Cosmos?” I turned around to smack the sexist asshole only to be face to face with a very familiar lecherous grin.

“Steven, you prick!” And I smacked him anyway. “What’re you doin’ here yourself?” He was rubbing his face where I knew he’d have a hand print, but he had that same smile still on.

“Oh, a little of this, a little of that. Gettin’ a new Monster Compendium that’s up to the new rules, that kinda thing. And ouch. You know, it really turns me on when girls slap me around, do it again.”

“Perv!” I laughed. He may be a perv, but I also knew he’d never do anything to actually hurt me, and if I asked him to he’d even stop picking on me, but that’s Steven for you. “Stop staring at me like I’m some piece of meat, too!”

“Ooh, I love it when you boss me around. Let me get my whip.”

“STEVE!”

“Okay okay, sorry. Hey, gaming again this weekend if you wanna come. Grace is gonna be there again, and since ya’ll did so well last time I’m even gonna continue the campaign we started.” Well this is a first for him! “We’re starting late Saturday and goin’ until Sunday night.”

“Live Wire and Slim Jims?”

“Yup!” He laughed. Whenever we were planning more than eight hours straight of gaming it was always the same thing, a case of Live Wire and a crapload of Slim Jims each to keep us awake and greased up for the long haul. We’d once stayed up four days straight using this method with copious amounts of Half-Life to help out. It was great, but…

“I dunno, Steve. I mean, I’ve got the game Friday night, plus the Dance afterwards, And all week long we’ve got to prepare for the Dance, and I’ve gotta do all the cheerleading stuff, and the away game, and…” Whoa. My life’s getting’ busy, ain’t it?

“Pleeease?” What’s he- is he- oh god not here in public! Steve actually climbed down on his knees in front of me and started begging! “We need you, oh divine one! Without your presence our gaming company would be but a worthless rabble with no purpose, beautiful master! Lay your boon upon us, oh scintillating vision of pulchritudinous onanism!” Huh? And then I noticed where his eyes were pointing, and I screamed.

“STOP LOOKING UP MY SKIRT YOU PERV!”

===

“So you wanna come? I’m sure he’d let you make a character and join in.”

“Heh, no thanks, D. I can’t see how you and Grace can stand being around that pervert, isn’t it gross?” I just shrugged.

“You get used to it, and he’s really harmless.”

“He’s still a perv.”

“But he’s got lots of fun stuff to do, and he’s been my friend for a long time.”

“He’s still a perv.”

“But the other guys aren’t, and do you really want me to leave Grace there alone?”

“But HE’S still a perv.”

I sighed.

===

“I dunno if I want you spending the night at Steve’s, sweetie, not with what’s going on.”

“What?” She gestured to my tee shirt and denim skirt. Oh. “But moooom!”

“Don’t ‘but, mom’ me young la- er, man.” She coughed in embarrassment and seemed to deflate a bit, but got ready to continue. I did my best to just ignore the slip. “You don’t look much like a boy right now, and though I hate saying it you can’t really, I’m sorry.”

“But Grace is going too!”

“I’m sorry, but if her parents let her stay there with a bunch of boys that’s their choice. You’re not.”

Geez, what’s Mom’s problem? “Mom, why are you treating me like a baby? It’s not like we’re having sex or anything?” She got this weird look on her face a moment, and then looked guilty. “Oh my GOD, Mom, you didn’t? GROSS! I mean, just- EWW! That is like SO disgusting, Mom.”

“Well, I, you…”

“Mom, I’m not a slut like some girls are.” I thought about what I said. “Or some boys. And I do NOT like Dan or Alex like that, either!”

“And Steven?”

“Huh? I mean, well, yeah.” Well, I thought that went without saying. “Mom, you’re right, he’s a boy and I’m I guess not any more really,” god that hurt to say, “but Grace and me stayed in the other room last time from the guys, and his mom and dad’ll be there too. Come on, Mom, I GOTTA go, they need me!”

“You stayed in a different room?” I could see the smallest crack in her resolve starting to open up, and a bit of hope show through. “And you were alone in that room with this girl Grace? All night?” I could see the crack slamming closed with a snap. Whafuck?

“What? So I can’t stay with boys ‘cause they’re boys, and I can’t stay with girls ‘cause they’re girls? Mom, would you make up your mind?” I was angry, but this wasn’t like my mom anyways. Both her and my dad had changed so much since the news about my hormones, and even more since the whole girl thing was out in the open. They used to be relaxed about most of what I did, and now they were like all the time on my case about being careful and things. I’m not a little girl, why do they keep treating me like one?

“To your room, now.” Shit. “I’ll think about the weekend, but if you backtalk me one more time, you can’t go to the dance either.”

“MOM!”

“NOW!”

I slammed my door and lay on my bed for a while before putting on some music to try and drown my own thoughts so I wouldn’t start crying again. Not tonight.

===

Monday. And here I found myself in my mom’s old cheerleading outfit from high school. Hell, before yesterday I hadn’t even known she’d BEEN a cheerleader in high school. That was back in the before time anyways, back in like the EIGHTIES. But all the girls had agreed that for Traitor Day we’d all be cheerleaders from different schools, so here I was in the brown and gold of Westmoore High. Whoo-pee. Wednesday we had the away game, so all I gotta do is survive until then, and since Patty’s wearing her mom’s identical outfit I knew I’d not be the only one wearing the hideous colors.

“Hey sexy!”

“FUCK OFF JERK!”

I think the ugliness gave her a short temper today though.

===

Tuesday. Camo day. All I have in camo is a big baggy pair of pants, so those and a white tank with an olive jacket over top’s about all I can do. We’re all doing face paint before school though, and Lisa said she’d have us some camo ribbon for our hair today too.

“Wazzup GI Jane!”

“FUCK OFF!”

And I think that was the same guys from yesterday too.

===

Wednesday equals hillbilly day equals overalls. Or at least it used to. Nancy and Lisa’s idea of Hillbilly has a bit too much Daisy Duke in it for me, though. As in, a pair of them. Well, almost. At least I talked Patty out of making me tie my flannel shirt off at my bellybutton, but since they’ll probably send me home for indecency anyways ‘cause of how short the shorts are I don’t think it was a big victory. And I’m cold too.

“You little chickadees need a ride?”

“FUCK YOU ASS!”

“Patty, language!”

“And fuck you too!” She said with a grin.

“Ugh, no thanks.” At least that got a laugh out of her.

===

And here I was at the end of the day, still dressed as a copy of what’s-her-name from that show with the people on the island, waiting to load on a bus to go to a basketball game. Alone, ‘cause nobody else was ready yet.

“Hey, Dana!” Lisa approached from behind me, but when I turned to greet her I noticed she looked a bit upset. “Why haven’t you changed yet?” She was already in her uniform, and I could see behind her a couple of other members of the team wearing theirs. I panicked.

“Oh god, I didn’t know I was supposed to change here!”

“Well, hurry off and change, we’re leaving in like ten minutes!”

I don’t think I’ve ever moved faster than I did then, and I was out of those stupid hillbilly clothes and into my cheerleading outfit in a flash. Heh, I never thought I’d actually be HAPPY to be changing into this thing, but I actually felt less exposed in it than in the tight shorts Patty’d made me wear that morning. I pulled my hair up into the twin bunches I’d gotten used to using with the uniform as I rushed back out to the bus, and made it back just in time to be pulled in by Miss Cole as the doors slammed.

“Always cutting it so close, aren’t we, Miss Phoenix?” She was kinda smiling a bit when she said it, but I knew she wasn’t completely happy I was late.

“I didn’t know I had to change first.”

“Now you do, remember next time, please?”

“Yes ma’am.” I found Patty and collapsed into the seat next to her. She already had her headphones on and was grooving to the sounds of whoever she was listening to, so I left her be and pulled out my own MP3 player.

“Who ya listenin’ to?” A cute black haired junior girl, I think her name was Halley, asked me from the seat in front of me.

“Uh, I got a lot of stuff on here. I’ve mostly been listening to the Sex Pistols lately, but I’ve also been listening to a lot of The Mars Volta, Offspring, and a little Siouxie and the Banshees, too.”

“Oh, cool!”

I felt like I had to say something else, so noticing her headphones I asked, “What about you?”

“Oh, it’s this Japanese band called ZZ, they did some music for this show called Eyeshield 21 and I liked their sound so I downloaded some of their stuff.”

“You like anime?”

“Yeah, I know it’s like really geeky but it’s so much fun. You watch it?”

“A bit, what’s your favorite?”

“I dunno, maybe Milk Tea or Maburaho, what about you?”

“Um, I kinda like Ranma,” I admitted. It always embarrassed me to say that even though I knew it was pretty popular.

“That’s cool, my older sister likes that show. Have you seen the new season of Full Metal Panic! Yet?”

And so we continued like this for the next couple of hours, just talking about cartoons and TV and who we thought was cute on what show- which felt weird talking about cartoons, but she seemed to have a lot of opinions on it- and before I knew it we were pulling into the parking lot of Red Bluff High while still debating whether DEARS or Ah! My Goddess were the better show.

===

Oh, wow I was tired. Two boys’ games and a girls’ team game, and we had to cheer them ALL. Shit, I feel like- well, shit. But it was FUN. The more I do this whole cheerleading thing the more I like it, and the girls who I do it with are so fun to be around! I mean, it’s kinda weird them not knowing I’m a guy and all, at least I’m pretty sure they don’t ‘cause they woulda freaked since we dress in the same locker room and all, but I feel really comfortable with them most of the time, ya know? Me and Halley were sitting at opposite ends of the bus this time, so I didn’t get to talk to her this time, but that was okay. I just put on my headphones and turned on some Third Eye Blind and passed out. When we got home I found myself leaning against Patty, who was asleep next to me, but just woke her up and fell back asleep when we loaded up in the back of my mom’s car.

===

“Oh my God, D, you look like REALLY hot.”

“I am hot, it’s burning up in this getup.” Not really, it actually felt fairly good since it was a bit chilly today, but I had to complain about it somehow, didn’t I? “And it makes my boobs look too big.”

“Sweetie, for someone your size your boobs ARE big.”

“Whatever.” Here I was dressed up as much like Anna’s picture of Sheryl Crow as possible, which meant skin tight faux snakeskin pants (65.00 on sale), a white tank top (5.00, WAL- MART) and the way expensive brown leather jacket (300.00 on sale). I also had on Shelby’s cowgirl boots (two burnt CDs and a new lip gloss) and Mom had done my makeup (losing an argument over whether it was needed). All so I fit in with my friends (priceless). GAH, TOO MANY COMMERCIALS.

“Hey, what’s that behind your back Sis?” Patty didn’t answer, but just held her other hand up in a ‘shush’ motion.

“Hey Chicas! Wanna take those costumes off for us?”

The chocolate pudding filled balloon splashed beautifully across the windshield of the jerk’s car, and by the time they’d gotten things cleared off enough to follow us me and Patty had already beat feet for school.

===

“Hey Dana, nice costume!” I turned around to find Steve dressed as-

“Oh my god, Powdered Toast Man?!”

He just grinned like an idiot and headed off for class.

===

Le Sigh, at least I’m used to wearing our own school’s cheerleading uniform to school, but that still didn’t mean I had to enjoy it. Okay, I didn’t have to enjoy it MUCH. Maybe a little. But only a little. It is cute on me.

“You girls ready to go?” When she had our consent that yes, we were ready and yes, we had our bags and yes, we would be home before the game and no, we weren’t gonna get hurt at the pep rally, she pulled out of the drive and towards school. “Why did you two want a ride today anyways?” We didn’t answer, but just scrunched down in the seat in case we passed the guys with their car on our way to school.

===

“One, Two, One Two Three GO!
Fight, Brighton, Fight, Brighton,
Blue and White, Blue and White,
Win, Brighton, Win, Brighton,
Play to Win, Win the Fight!
Go, Brighton, Go, Brighton,
Play that Ball, Steal that Ball,
Win, Brighton, Win, Brighton,
Show them you’re the best of all!
GO COUGARS, WOOHOO!”

===

“Mom, this dress is too small, I’m practically falling out of it!” The little red piece of cloth I had on barely held me in up top it seemed, and I was less than comfortable with the way it kept wanting to ride up my thighs, but Patty had said it made me look gorgeous and-

“Well you should have thought of that when you bought a strapless, honey.”

“But I didn’t want this dress, Patty picked it out. I wanted the green one that went with my eyes, remember?” It had been really simple, with slit sleeves and looked really nice, but Patty said it wasn’t appropriate for homecoming. I personally thought this one was even less so, but she was really enthused when she found it and even with my experience being a girl so far I still had problems telling her no when she got that really sad look on her face. Also she threatened to shave my head if I didn’t. I actually considered the alternative before finally just getting the stupid dress, but maybe I should have chosen to be bald.

Mom gave me a weird smile that nevertheless clearly conveyed the message ‘you are such a girl’ straight to my brain.

“No I’m not!” But all she did was laugh and nod her head.

===

I wasn’t having that much fun at the Homecoming Dance. It was nice, and the girls were a lot of fun to dance with, but Homecoming is something you’re supposed to have a date for, ya know. I’d been asked by a few guys, but I turned them down ‘cause it just didn’t feel right, but now I was really starting to regret it, especially when all the other girls- I mean, oh, whatever- ran off with their dates. Even Patty had a date for tonight, Devin Michaelson, one on the players on James’s soccer team. I wondered for a brief moment who he’d brought, but shoved that thought out of my mind as quickly as possible. It didn’t matter, did it?

“Uh, hi.” I looked up from my soda to see a dark grey suit on a fantastically fit looking body. I let my eyes slowly scan up to find James’s head on top of it.

“Oh, hi James. Um…” what’s wrong with me? God, I feel like I can’t speak! I looked up at him blushingly, and was surprised to see he looked as nervous and uncomfortable as I felt. He cleared his throat a couple of times, and then tried speaking again.

“I was wondering if, um ya wanted to, uh, maybe dance with me?”

I felt a thrill go up my spine. Geez, calm down, gir- Dane. “Won’t your date mind?”

“Date? Oh, uh, I didn’t bring anybody.”

“Really!” Don’t sound so happy, dammit! “Ooh, I mean, why not?”

“I thought you’d already have a daeeeeaahh, no real reason.” Liar. And I giggled. STOP IT! “Anyways, I saw you just sitting over here, so, uh, would you?” He held his hand out to me, and I looked at it for a moment, considering my options.

I’m a guy. If I dance with a guy, does that make me gay?

But I’m dressed as a girl. So, would I just be doing it to fit in?

I’ve been out with him before. Like, on a date. Well, kinda, Patty was there. And he held my hand.

And I liked it. Did THAT make me gay?

But my body was pumping me full of girl hormones. God, that thought still makes me wanna cry when I really think about it. But does that make me a girl?

And he is SO cute. Did I just think that? Yes, I did. Blame it on the hormones.

I took his hand and smiled up at him. And he smiled back.

===

“Dana?”

“Yes?” It felt so good to rest my head on his chest while we danced, and even in my heels he still dwarfed me. If this was gay, it wasn’t that bad.

“Can I, um, kiss you?” I tensed up for a moment, and we stopped moving. “Uh, sorry.”

We danced about for a bit more while I thought. But I didn’t wanna think, I wanted to do.

“James?” He looked down at me worriedly, so I lifted myself up on my toes and placed my lips on his. It felt good, and so did his arms wrapped around me. When we pulled apart, I just grinned at him and said, “The answer is ‘Yes’.” We kissed again, until a bright flash brought my attention back to the real world like forever later.

“Okay, now one with the clothes OFF!”

“Shelby!”

===

End of Part 2

Notes:
If it seems like there's something missing between parts one and two, that's 'cause quite frankly there is. The story of 'Oh, Cheers' is technically five parts: Part 1- GO!, Part 2- FIGHT!, and Part 3- WIN!, tell the main body of the story and because of that I'm writing them first. The other two parts are interludes between the three main parts telling of Dana's gaming adventures from the viewpoint of her gaming character, which is why I'm waiting to write those parts until I've finished the main story arc- I don't want to get distracted writing a different character and forget to finish the main story, after all! So, while it shouldn't detract from the main story or make it harder to understand, I know it may feel a bit odd reading the story without the interludes at first, so just bear with me :p

Comments are appreciated, whether good or bad- I can't improve if I don't know what I'm doing wrong! Thanks for reading the story, and Part 3 should be out in about one to two weeks!

Melanie E.

Oh, Cheers: Part 3- Win!

Author:

Rasufelle

Audience Rating:

Mature Subjects (pg15)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

TG Themes:

TG Elements:

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Oh, Cheers: Part 3- WIN!

By Melanie Ezell

It's finally here, the final chapter of the trilogy! Will Dana take over, or will Dane return? What movie will the teens watch this time? Just what IS up with the monkeys in straight jackets? The world may never know.

“PHOENIX!”

“YESSIR!” I bounced my way down from the trampoline and made my way over to Mr. Shaw where he was monitoring everyone’s practice from the front of the studio. “What’s up, is there a problem?”

“Nope, I need to talk to you about something.” I just nodded. There’d been a lot of ‘talks’ between me and Mr. Shaw since the whole Dana thing started, and he was one of the few outside mine and Patty’s family who knew everything that was going on. I don’t think he liked it, and he still seems a bit nervous around me for some reason. “Listen, I hate to tell you this, but you can’t go to State with us.”

“WHAT!” This is, is, well, an outrage is what it is! “Why not, I thought you said there wasn’t anything wrong?”

“Listen, kid.” He pushed his hands back through his hair before glaring at me. It was scary, I’d never seen him like this before. “I’m not ruining our chance at State this year just ‘cause some little freak wants to play at being a girl.” You could have knocked me over with a feather.

“But Mr. Shaw, I-“

“I don’t care! And, furthermore,” he whispered harshly, poking me hard in my very sensitive chest, “you’re kicked out of my class. I’ve been letting you get away with this perverted game of yours for too long. Call your parents if you wanna cry about it, but get out of here.”

“But…” This was all so sudden, I thought he understood! What about my gymnastics now, I love doing it, oh, why! “Sir, please!”

“GET OUT!”

I didn’t even grab my clothes on the way out, I was so upset. I just ran home and cried.

===

“He did WHAT!”

“Where’s the fucker live.” My dad wasn’t in a good mood after hearing why I was home so early. I was still too distraught to do much of anything but bawl whenever my mind went over what happened.

“This is illegal, Dana sweetie. He can’t-“

“MOM, just leave me ALONE!”

“Don’t yell at your mother, young lady! We’re going to handle this, don’t worry.”

“DAD, please don’t, just leave it alone! Leave ME alone! He’s right, I’m a freak anyways. They’d probably just laugh me out of the gym the moment I stepped out.” I could tell from the tension in the air that one of them was about to say something, but the sound of the front door opening and closing thankfully distracted them.

“Miss Phoenix? Is Sis here, she wasn’t at the dojo when I got out of- oh. Oh. D, are you okay?”

===

“Come on, it’ll make you feel better.”

“Patty…”

“And James is working today too.”

“… well I guess I could eat something.” She’d decided that the best cure for my sadness would be fast food. Or James, I’m not sure. Ever since we were caught kissing at the dance a week ago it’s like everybody’s assuming we’re a couple now just ‘cause he all the time walks me to class and stuff. I mean, it was just a spur of the moment thing, really. Heh, it’s not like I WANT to go out with him. I mean, if he asks I might accept just so I don’t hurt his feelings, he is a nice guy and all, but I mean I’M not interested in HIM. Nope. No way.

“Dana, good to see you again!”

“JAMES!” He came around the counter to give me a hug, and I jumped up and wrapped my arms around his neck. Oh, shut up.

“No PDA on the job, son.”

“Oh, sorry, I gotta get back to work. Uh, ya’ll wanna go see another movie?”

“Of course she does, that’s why she dragged me here! We’ll see you at five then!”

“’Kay, later!” Patty drug me right back out of the Taco Bell before I even had the chance to open my mouth to try and say something about what just happened, leading me towards the park across the street.

“Come on, the swings are calling our names.” We just sat in the old rubber and metal swing set, kicking back and forth, for a good hour before I finally just had to start talking about something, anything.

“Patty?”

“Yeah?”

“Why don’t you and my mom and dad call me Dane any more? Since last week it’s like ya’ll’ve forgotten I’m a boy.” I shuffled the gravel beneath us around with my sneaker a bit before kicking off again and quickly matching Patty’s swing.

“Didn’t we already talk about this?”

“Yeah, a bit, but I still don’t get it.”

“D,” she huffed for a bit as she tried to figure something out I think, “what kind of underwear are you wearing?”

“What? Why?”

“Just answer. What kind of underwear are you wearing?”

“Uh,” god this is kinda embarrassing, “a thong, why?”

“And what does it look like?”

“Patty…”

“Well?”

“It’s purple cotton, okay? Sheesh!”

“And why are you wearing them?”

“Because my jeans are too tight to wear with anything else?”

“And what kind of jeans are they?”

I think I see where this is going. “Patty, you know as well as I do that I’m wearing girl’s jeans. And a bra, and a girl’s tee. Why, might I ask, does it matter?”

“Well, would somebody with the name ‘Dane’ normally wear clothes like what you’re wearing?”

“No, I guess not.”

“And do you want everyone to know you’re a guy who wears girl’s clothes? All the time? And has boobs?”

“Oh, GOD no! I’d be killed!”

“Point made. Your mom and dad don’t’ want to say something that gets you outed, and neither do I. So the more we think of you as Dana, a girl, the safer you are. Plus it’s pretty hard to think of you as a boy with how you’re dressed right now.” I couldn’t argue that.

“You’re a bitch, Patty.”

“I love you too.”

===

“I’m sick of looking at Mexican food. How’s On the Border sound?”

“That’s a Mexican restaurant, James.”

“Oh, yeah.” I couldn’t help but giggle as he blushed. “Um, whaddabout Chinese then?” I could do Chinese.

“I could do Chinese.” Good ole’ Patty.

===

“So, what looks good to ya’ll?” I was leaning towards ‘Belle of the Ball’ myself, but then again if James wanted to watch something else I wouldn’t object. Patty’d probably try and get us to see ‘Green Acres: The Musical’ just ‘cause it looks horrible. Patty could eat dirt.

“I’m thinkin’ maybe the new Alexis Eden flick, what’s it called, ‘Zapped!’ right?” Patty started bouncing around grinning in agreement. I just sighed.

===

Oh, so THAT’S what’s up with the monkey in the straight jacket!

===

And there I was, standing outside my front door with James yet again, his arm around my shoulder and me leaning into his side like it’s the most natural position in the world. Which it is. “I really enjoyed the movie tonight. Thanks for taking me.”

“Me too, and it was my pleasure. Though next time we need to leave Patty at the restaurant.” I just nodded into his side, since she nearly got us thrown out when she started screaming in protest during the scene at the drive in ‘cause of something or another. I dunno, I wasn’t paying attention much. “Can I have a good night kiss before I leave?” I considered it maybe half a second before getting up on my tippy toes to kiss him. And kiss him. MMMmmm.

“Ahem.” Huh? Shit!

“Oh, hi, Daddy!” Daddy? Daddy!?

“I’ll just call your mother.” He shut the door, and when I heard him shout for my mom I just buried my head in James’s chest in embarrassment.

===

“Now, sweetie, it’s perfectly natural. You’re at a time in your life when you’re going to start being interested in boys, and with all the hormones in your system it’s not surprising you like him. I think it’s time we had a little talk though.” I tried to disappear into the couch cushions, while across from me and next to my mom my dad just sat there white as a sheet with beads of sweat pouring off of him. I thought he’d be angry, but-

“I want to know exactly who this boy is. What’s his name, where he goes to school, what grade he’s in. And if you wanna go out with him again, young lady, he better pick you up HERE, not have you sneaking off to some restaurant to meet up with him.” Huh? “I don’t want my little girl dating someone who won’t even be a proper gentleman.”

“DADDY!” I squeaked. Or screeched, whatever. It was high pitched, and it hurt MY ears, so I know it must’ve been painful for them.

“Honey, it’s alright, I’m sure she’ll bring him here before their next date,” and she gave me a look saying ‘you’d better’. I just gave her Sigh #34, the Edited for Parents version. “Now, if you’ll step out of the room, I think me and my daughter need to have this discussion in private.”

“Gotcha.” And he was out in a flash. Mom gave me a wicked grin, then moved over and plopped down next to me on the couch and hugged me tightly.

“So, is he a good kisser?”

===

“Oh my GOD, Mom, that’s disgusting!”

“You get used to it.”

“Oh my GOD. I think I’m gonna puke. Seriously.”

“Well, that can happen if they-“

“NAHNAHNAHNAHICAN’THEARYOUNAHNAHNAHNAHNAH!!!”

===

“Oh. Oh my. That’s, wow.”

“You wanna touch it?”

I reached out tentatively, but when I realized what I was doing I jerked my hand back and screamed “NO!”

“Oh, come on, it’s just a piece of plastic, and I haven’t used it ye-“

“BAHBAHBAHBAHBAHSHUTUPPPPPP!!!”

===

“Mom, I don’t think I’m ready for all this yet. I don’t even know if I’m into GUYS yet.” She just gave me a look, and I had the decency to look contrite. “Mom, I mean, what if I like girls? Then all this is kinda, uh, wasted ain’t it?”

“Well, we all experiment a bit, even I-“

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

===

“You can come back in now honey.” I took one look at my dad, about whom I now knew far more than I ever wanted to know, and glanced at my mom. When she started moving her tongue back and forth in her check, I screamed and ran for my room, her laughter following me the entire time.

My god, I think I’m gonna be scarred for life.

And I’m never having sex, I swear.

EVER.

===

Sunday morning dawned bright and beautiful. The events of yesterday still bothered me- especially the ‘talk’ with mom- but you know how it is the day after? It was like that. And you know what, I realized something. Screw him. Mr. Shaw can keep his stupid class, ‘cause I’m still a cheerleader, and the best damn gymnast around whether I’m in his class or not. But not today.

Today, I’m watching cartoons.

I was almost through the third DVD of ‘Death Note’ and my second bowl of Cocoa Puffs when I heard someone knocking at the door. At noon on a Sunday there’s only one person it could be.

“We’re practicing Satanists and don’t want none of your pamplets soiling our beliefs.”

“Shut up and let me in.” Came the muffled and giggly response from the other side of the door. I let Patty in and was quickly engulfed in a hug. “Nice jammies, but aren’t they a bit young for you?”

If there was anyone I wouldn’t take flak from for my choice of clothing, it was Patty. “You are NEVER too old to wear Winnie the Pooh PJs. Besides, they’re comfy.” Almost definitely better than the short alls she’d chosen for herself. My dad had Tigger, and my mom had Eeyore.

“I bet. Got some extras?” I led the way to my room, and dug out some I didn’t even know I had covered in pictures of Kanga and Roo. Soon we were both laying in front of the TV in matching pajamas watching brain-rotting anime.

Life was good. And El rocks hardcore.

===

And after the anime came the talking. And the music, but mostly just talking.

“So, you REALLY like James, don’tcha?” I blushed. “Yup, knew it, you’ve liked him since that first time he held you haven’t ya?”

“Oh, yes, being brained with a soccer ball always inspires romantic feelings in a gir- uh, me.”

“You had it right the first time.”

“Shut up.” She laughed. “Besides, I could say the same things about you and Devin.” Well, minus the soccer ball thing.

“Alright miss Droopy Drawers, if not James then who’s your ideal guy?”

“A girl?” She just shook her head. “Well, why not? I’m a guy after all.”

“Come on, we’re sisters. Besides, I’ve seen you checkin’ out the guys lately.” I swear, sometimes I hate how close we are.

I thought about it for a moment, but only one person came to mind. “Johnny Rotten.”

“Who? Wait, HIM? GROSS? He’s, like, fifty or something! Oh, god, I’m gonna throw up now!”

“Well you like that guy who plays Professor Snape so what’s the difference?”

“Well, he’s British.”

“So’s Johnny Rotten, and what’s that matter anyways?” I pointed to my Sex Pistols poster over my bed. “And how can you say he isn’t cute?”

“That pictures from like thirty years ago! And he looks like he’s on something.”

“So? What musician doesn’t do drugs nowadays?”

“Cara Malone doesn’t do anything like that and she’s a great musician! Or what about Michelle Grayson from, oh, what’s their name?”

“John Gray’s Band?”

“Yeah, them. Or Hollywood McKenzie, she don’t either.”

“They’re pop musicians though, they don’t count. Besides, they’re girls.”

“Oh, and you’re only interested in the hot guy musicians then?” I threw a pillow at her in response. “Oh, now you’re gonna get it!”

“Stop or I’ll sic Pooh Bear on ya!” I held the stuffed animal up in front of me in as menacing a position as I could, which for a stuffed bear with a bow around his neck isn’t very menacing at all really.

“Hah, like he can stop me!” And then she attacked.

===

“Alright girls, great news! We’ve got a CHEER COMPETITION COMING UP!”

“HOORAH.” We almost pulled it off ‘til everyone broke down in giggles.

“But seriously people, they scheduled things really weird this year so our first competition comes up in March, which means we need to start working on the routine like NOW. Any ideas?” I raised my hand. “Ooh, Dana! Whatcha thinkin’?”

“Well,” I started, and stopped. I’d been thinking about this since Sunday night and wanted to suggest it Monday, but never got around to it. Heh, just my luck this is coming up, it gives me a perfect excuse! “I think we should do something heavy on the gymnastics. I know we’re only high school and not allowed to do all the stuff the college teams are, but if we work it right I bet we can really impress the judges.” And it’d be good revenge versus my evil ex-coach, but I wasn’t gonna mention that part.

“AL-right, lotsa gymnastics, got it. Anyone else?” Halley raised her hand. “Go ahead Halley.”

“I like the gymnastics idea,” she grinned at me- we’d started hanging out a bit since the whole bus thing, not sexual mind you or anything, she’s just a friend- and I thought I knew what she might suggest. “I think we should throw in some martial arts stuff too, though, like in that one movie. It’d really pump up our routine and be something most people wouldn’t think of.” I gave her a thumbs up, and Patty gave her a pat on the back since she was closer.

“Good, good. Okay, Shelby?”

“We should do a strip tease in it, really give ‘em a show, ‘specially Dana, you little hottie, RAWR!”

“SHELBY!”

===

“You wanna do something?”

“Nah. I really need to practice some of my Parkour, to be honest.” That was the one bad thing about all the cheerleading I’d been doing lately, that plus my social life had left me very little time for practicing my chosen sport, and if I could today I was gonna try to do a run or two around the old warehouse factory thingy before going home. I really REALLY needed it.

“Kewl, can I come with?”

“Yeah, sure, the more the merrier!”

We’d been there about an hour, practicing wall spins and backflips off of ‘em, when Patty grabbed me and pulled me behind a stack of old barrels. “Whammfnnlnf!” She shushed me, and then I heard the footsteps. Soon, I heard quiet voices passing nearby us.

“Yeah, I heard from my dad that one of the cheerleaders is actually some kinda tranny freak.”

“No way! Man, they’re all so hot though! Who’d he say it was?”

“He said they were in his Gymnastics class but wouldn’t give me a name. I’m betting it’s that Shelby chick, she’s always been weird.”

“Nah, man, probably Patty, she’s real butch ya know?” I smacked my own hands across Patty’s mouth before she could protest, and she got the picture quick. She bit my hand though, and if her hands hadn’t still been over my mouth I would have had a few more insults to add to theirs.

“What about that Dana chick, I thought she was some kinda gay guy for the longest time.”

“Nah man, my older brother said she pulled her top off in front of him and showed ‘im her tits, and they’re DEFINITELY real.” Hey, that was an accident! “Maybe Nancy? Her and Lisa seem awfully tight.”

“Nah, they’re just Lezzies.”

“Dude, that’s hot.”

“Hyeah.” Luckily for us, we were by this time on the side facing the door away from where they were coming from, so me and Patty beat as hasty a retreat as we could back to my place before starting to talk. Or at least laugh our asses off.

“WHOO, well, look who’s the little tease!” She pulled up the hem of her shirt and fanned it at me a couple of times until she nearly fell in the floor laughing.

“Hey, that’s no fair!” I worked out between my own giggles. “SOMEONE,” I pointed at them laughing across from me, “spilt iced tea down my top three weeks ago, remember?”

“Oh, yeah!” By now her eyes were tearing up from all the guffawing she was doing.

“Well, I couldn’t get a hall pass ‘cause the teacher wasn’t in the room yet, and since I was wearing a tank top underneath anyways I decided to just-“

“OHMYGOD, you really DID take your top off in front of them?!”

“Well, I THOUGHT it was just my top, but I accidentally grabbed my tank too and-“

“Just like in ‘Mean Girls’!” That set her off again. By now what they’d been saying had had time to process and stew a bit though, and I was starting to get worried.

“Patty, if either one of them mentions something to one of the cheerleaders…”

She wasn’t laughing any more.

===

“We’ve gotta take legal action, sweetie. If we don’t, he could potentially ruin your life.”

“But Mom, what can we say? I’m a boy who looks like a girl so I pretend to be a girl? I’m a former tomboy like majorly? What?”

“We tell the truth, that you’re a young woman with a genital birth defect that caused you to be incorrectly identified as male at birth.”

“Huh?” This confused me greatly as I knew that no such thing had happened. “But Mom, I am a guy. I really am ‘Male’ so that’s lying.”

“Not really, sweetie. Do you plan on going back to Dane?”

I answered almost instantly with “Yes.” This brought me two distinct looks of surprise from my mom and Patty, and a stream of coffee to come spewing from my dad’s mouth. “What’s the problem?”

“Dana,” Dad started, still trying to dry the coffee from the table, “that’s EXACTLY the problem.” Dad’s gotten a lot more serious over the past month and a half than he was ever before, and the look he was giving me now was set in stone. “It’s almost impossible for you to go back to being Dane, and even if you did you couldn’t pass for male.” I was about to say something when he waved me quiet with his hand. “Look at yourself in a mirror, babydoll.. Even if you got-ahem- breast reduction, you’d still look like a girl, and I hate to break your heart but there’s no way we could afford the kind of facial reconstruction it’d take to get you to even begin looking androgynous. Honey, you’re too pretty.” He was trying to be gentle and comforting while still being straight to the point- just like my dad- but it still felt like I’d just taken a sledgehammer blow to the head.

“But if I can stop anything from developing more-“

“Sweetie, the medicine should have done that, but your body is producing too much estrogen and overwhelming it. We-“

“I’m going to bed.” I didn’t wait for a response. My manhood ached as though it’d just been kicked, and I guess in a way it had. It wasn’t a new pain, I’d felt it a lot over the past few weeks, as though my ‘budding femininity’ was fighting to kill off the one thing left that made me Dane not Dana, and I know it’s all in my head, but that don’t make it hurt any less.

===

Okay, you can stop hurting already, jeez. Of course they didn’t listen to me. Aw, hell, mental shmental. “MOOOMM!”

“WHUAAATTT!”

“COMMERE!”

“What is it sweetie?” Mom had a worried look on her face, and I could tell by her eyes she’d spent a part of the night crying, and probably ‘cause of me. But at the moment I had a more pressing concern. “Mom, my, uh, testhrfofrmrn.”

“I’m sorry?”

I really didn’t wanna say it. “My Testifroclornmn.”

“Honey speak up.”

“MY TESTICLES HURT!”

“Oh, dear.” She didn’t sound surprised, which worried me. She did sound worried, though, which worried me even more.

===

“Good evening Miss Phoenix, Dana.”

“Please, call me Joanne.”

“Very well, Joanne. I’m Doctor Tucker, and I specialize in these kinds of hormonal problems. I never thought I’d see two similar cases so close to each other though.”

“I’m sorry but what do you mean?”

“Oh, just thinking of one of my patients back in the Robins Lake area. A lot of similar problems, really. Sorry to digress. Now, I can see the last doctor you were going to did very well as far as the paperwork is concerned, but I’d like to do some examining of my own to verify results if that’s okay?” My mom just looked at me, and I nodded.

Over the next hour I was poked, prodded, bent over, stabbed, squeezed, and asked a barrage of annoying and embarrassing questions. What’s it matter if I’ve ever had a ‘nocturnal emission’ anyways? And at the end of it all, she had us wait another hour while she was on the phone with some other bigwig PhD/Md/PCP/whatever it is that stuff stands for before calling us back in.

“The operating room is prepped.” I think I almost passed out hearing those words, and seeing the dead serious look in her eyes. “It’d be best if we hurry.”

“What? What’s wrong with my baby now?”

“I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to remove his testicles.”

“WHY!”

“Because your body has started attacking them, and if we don’t they could become infected or cancerous.”

That’s when I DID pass out.

===

Everything’s… so… fuzzy…

“Mom?”

I heard a rustling sound next to me, along with some persistent beeps, and felt a pair of arms wrap around me. “I’m here sweetie.” I felt myself slip back out for a bit while she held me, but there were things I needed to know. Something about my- my- MY-

“MY BALLS!” I bolted upwards and threw my hands to my crotch, and almost instantly regretted it as a blinding shot of pain lanced through both my head and where I was touching. “What the FUCK did they do to me!”

“Sweetie, they had to, they-“

“NOOOOOoooo…” The last thing that I knew, the last thing that was intimately familiar to me I had left in life, they’d removed. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry again. I wanted to strangle someone. I wanted to piss really REALLY badly, which brought up another issue entirely. “Mom, they didn’t cut, uh, IT off, did they?”

“Huh?” Then she got it, and I felt her chuckle, which made me feel better and a lot calmer. I noticed the beeping slow down too. “Oh, no, honey. Not until you’re older, and only if you want it done. But, uh, we did have them do one other thing.”

“What, Mom. Don’t tell me- breast implants.” She chuckled again, so I continued. “Ugh, I knew it. Tryin’ to turn me into Pam Anderson now?”

“Hardly.” She squeezed me again before continuing. “No, what they did isn’t that obvious. Well, mostly. They didn’t cut anything off they didn’t have to because of-“

“Mom, I don’t wanna know why. Not now, not ever. Please.”

“Oh, okay.” It wasn’t, I could tell, but I’d find out later anyways. “But, uh, I told them about you being on your school’s cheerleading squad, ah, as a girl, and they decided it might help you fit in better if they, ah, hid things.”

“Hid things?” I reached for my crotch again, more gingerly this time, and felt again. And gasped.

“Now, it’s not permanent, and you can’t have sex,” well that’s a relief, at least, “but I told them about your cheerleading and the other girls not knowing-“

“That I know-“

“Yes, now stop interrupting me.” She tickled me for a bit, and I was too busy squirming to comment back. “Anywho, you look like any other girl down there now, so there’s NO chance that they’ll find out now if they haven’t already, unless you’re engaging in other extracurricular activities in the show-“

“EEEWWW, MOM!” She just laughed at me, the perv. “Did you have to do it? No, sorry, I know, it’s to help.”

“Yes, honey. Trust us.” I did, but it still didn’t make me any happier. They might as well have cut it off too, for all the good it’d do me now. I cried again. At this rate I’d be all girl before Christmas, and thanks to my stupid body I didn’t really have a choice.

“Mom?”

“Yes?” She still hadn’t let me go, thank God.

“I don’t think Dane’s coming back.” I was crying just a bit still, but after how far things had come it was kind of anticlimactic to accept the obvious.

“You’re still the same person sweetie, and we still love you. And if you wanted to we’d try and help you be a guy again.”

“But it’d be almost impossible, wouldn’t it?” She nodded. “Do you think you’ll be okay if I end up you’re daughter?”

“I already think you’re the most wonderful child in the world, and whether a son or a daughter me and your dad will love you just the same.”

===

We stopped by the salon on the way home from the hospital, and she touched up my hair and trimmed the dead ends off before waxing things, which I absolutely hate but know is necessary now, and if I’m gonna get it done it might as well be while I still have painkillers in my system. And I don’t know why, but she’d picked out the pink halter dress I’d been stuck in that first day for me to wear home. It was significantly tighter in the chest than the last time I’d worn it, which had coincidentally been the first time, and fit different in the hips too, but when I mentioned this all Mom did was give me a ‘duh’ look. “Of course, sweetie, your figure is more mature than it was then, and even just a few weeks can make a big difference at your age.” Oh, who knew? I mean, I guess I shoulda, but still. “Oh, that looks so cute on you! I really wish you’d just wore it home that first time.”

“And what would you have said if your son had walked in like this?” I gave her a little twirl.

“The exact same thing.” And surprisingly I knew she would have too.

“Mom?”

“Yeah, sweetie?”

“Thanks.” I walked up to her and gave her the biggest hug I could, and she happily returned it. “I feel so lucky that you and Dad are my parents.”

“And we’re so lucky that you’re our child, whoever you decide to be.”

===

I’d missed Monday ‘cause I was still pretty sore down there, and was given an excuse to get out of cheer practice for a week at least, but after a few really gross hygiene lessons from Mom and a long nervous pause I was up and ready when Patty arrived Tuesday morning. She gave me a huge hug of her own, and after a few digs at me about pads and stuff we were off to school. James was happy to see me, and joined us at our table for lunch instead of going to his normal table, and even seemed happy when I told him my parents wanted to meet him for real, but not nearly as happy as the other cheerleaders were to hear that little piece of gossip. Things seemed to be going really well up until that afternoon when I got called to the Principal’s office.

“Good Evening, Miss Phoenix.”

“Good evening, Sir.”

“Please, sit down, I assure you you’re not in any trouble, leastways not with us.” I sat down quickly and looked intensely at him and Miss Cole both waiting behind his desk for me to get comfortable. As soon as I was settled, he seated himself in his own chair and placed his elbows on the table, steepling his fingers. “We called you in today because we received a threatening note from a Mr. Robert Shaw, telling us that the longer we put up with I quote ‘this abomination unto God’ the longer we’d burn in hell. Now, I personally think quite highly of you,” he gave me a wide smile, the first I’d seen on his face for a student, “and so does Miss Cole and the teachers who are aware of your situation. It’s a very brave thing you’re doing, and I promise you, if he tries anything on school grounds we WILL prosecute, but we’re still afraid for your safety. I’ve known Robert for a few years as his daughters used to attend school here, and I always thought he was a fair man, but this isn’t the Robert Shaw I knew. Something’s happened, and until we get to the bottom of it I’m going to have to ask you not to walk home in the afternoons.”

“But sir, my mom and dad both work, late on some days, and I can’t just ask them to pick me up every afternoon.”

“That’s okay, me or Miss Cole will take both you and Patty home in the evenings if that is okay with you. If not, we’ll try and find either another teacher or a student who can do it.”

I was afraid of what trouble was going to come of all the potentials for my outing that seemed to have arose lately, but I was still confused. I’d always heard that school faculty was supposed to be all prudish and against stuff and people like me. “Sir, thank you, but if I can ask, why are you being so helpful?” Mr. Akyroyd stood up and shifted his eyes towards Miss Cole in an enquiring manner. She just nodded and stood up, taking his hand and coughing lightly.

“Because the principal is my big brother,” she started, which was news to me, “And I used to be his little brother Taylor,” which was even bigger news indeed. All I could do is sit and listen as they told me her story.

===

What, thought I was gonna tell? Would you tell someone else’s biggest secrets to anyone? I didn’t think so.

===

“So you’ve been on hormones for a little over a month now?”

“Well, I thought they were hormones. Turns out they were trying to block the estrogen in my system but it didn’t work.”

“But don’t you mean testosterone blockers?”

“No, why would I?”

===

“You mean when we were talking about hormones ya’ll thought-“

She laughed. “Yes, we thought you WANTED to be a girl. If we’d known you were trying to be a guy we’d have pulled you out immediately. Do you want us to?”

“No! I mean, it doesn’t really matter any more since I can’t be a guy anyways.”

“Why not?”

===

“Oh, that’s horrible! I mean, I wanted to be a girl, but to be forced like you have…”

“It’s not been that bad. The girls on the team have all been really nice, and NO, I haven’t told them. I guess it’s just nice to be accepted instead of picked on, you know?” She nodded.

“I know exactly what you mean.”

“Heh.” I had a funny thought. “It’s kinda cool that TB- sorry, Thomas Brody, he used to be the worst about picking on me- seems more scared of me now than I ever was of him.”

“Well, you are a very pretty girl. He’s probably intimidated by that, most guys are.” I just blushed.

===

“So, do you think people would understand if they knew?”

Miss Cole looked pensive for a moment before responding. “I think that in your unique situation they’d understand better than most. But I still don’t recommend outing yourself.” I nodded, and shuddered at the thought.

===

“You two have a good night,” Miss Cole told me and Patty as we pulled up into my apartment complex’s driveway, but were stopped dead when we saw Mr. Shaw standing in front of the doors of the building with several other people, all dressed in suits and nice dresses, and looking very very angry. “You girls wait here a moment.”

“But Miss Cole,”

“Shush. I’ll be right back.” She locked the doors when she got out but left the keys with us before heading up to the group lying in wait outside my house. I could hear yelling, and more than once I saw them start waving books around towards her, but after a bit she just turned around and came back to the car with an exasperated expression on her face, and after climbing back in she grabbed the wheel and squeezed until her knuckles turned white. “Those bastards!”

“What’s going on?” Things were starting to scare me, and over her shoulder I could see a few of the people from the group starting to approach the car.

“No wonder he’s changed, that bastard’s gotten himself and his girls associated with some kind of group of religious fanatics. They’re threatening to take you away and ‘force the demon outta ya’ whatever they mean by that. Come on, we’re goin’ to ya’ll’s mom’s salon. Can one of ya’ll give them a call and let them know I need to talk with them when we get there?” I already had my cell phone out and was ringing through before she’d finished talking.

When we got to the salon, though, we were greeted by a sight almost identical to the one at the house. I could see our moms trying to fight their way through the crowd to get to us, but nobody would move and let them through. As soon as we were stopped people started crowding around the car, yelling at us and saying mean nasty things I’d rather not repeat. I was like SO scared I just grabbed on to Patty as tightly as I could in the back seat while Miss Cole borrowed my cell and called the police. She said the officer told us to just hang tight and they’d be there soon, but we were all three really scared, and then I heard the popping sound, and when I looked there was a long metal piece being taken out of the door and it was OPENING AND PATTY SCREAMEDANDTHEYGRABBEDMEAND–

===

“It isn’t there I’m tellin’ ya!”

“Well, check the other one! He said that one of ‘em was a sick little trannie and I know George wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

“I checked both of ‘em out already, I tole’ ya already! They’s both girls!”

“SHIT!” I felt somebody smack me across the face again, and this time the force threw me from the chair they’d tied me up and set me in. I tried to yell, or cry out, or at least spit the blood out, but the nasty rag they’d shoved in my mouth kept me from being able to say or do anything, and the ropes HURT and I needed to use the bathroom like SO BAD but the foot that caught me in the stomach took care of that. “Get these bitches cleaned up and make ‘em tell ya where they took the little faggot or so help me I’ll cut YOUR dick off.” A startled yelp from the other person in the room was the only answer.

===

I eased my eyes open and through the blurriness I could just make out the form of someone laying on the floor across from me. As my vision returned I saw it was Patty, but when I tried to make it over to her I found I couldn’t move. I tried to look around behind me to see what was holding me and I saw that they’d duct taped my ropes to some pipes coming up out of the floor behind me, and when I could see better I saw they’d done the same thing to Patty, tied us up as prisoners in this dark smelly little room in god knows where. But they’d untied my mouth at least.

“Patty?” It hurt to speak, but I had to know she was okay. “Patty! Answer me!” She wasn’t moving, and I was getting even more scared than I’d already been. I could hear sirens off in the distance somewhere, and shouting in a room nearby, but I didn’t have any hope that the police were there to help us.

We were going to die, taped to rusted pipes. And I’d pissed myself, too. I wanted to scream again and again, try to get someone, but I didn’t have the energy. I was too tired, hungry, and sore. So I slid down as much as I could and just waited to die.

I hope it will be soon.

===

They came in and beat us again. They took the rag out of my mouth and tried to make me tell them things, but would hit me before I could talk. I tried to tell them it was me, and I tried to scream when they tried to get Patty to wake up by hitting her, but my mouth hurt, and my throat was too dry.

I just wanted to die. Maybe if I died they’d let Patty go. Please.

===

“SIR, we found them sir!”

Where are they? Jeezus! Get them untied and outside quick!” A harsh static sound erupted, but was cut off quickly. “Unit 13 to Unit 79, get those paramedics in to the basement, we found the girls, status critical. NOW!” Warm arms wrapped around me as the bindings on my wrists came free, and I heard the voice from right next to my ear, “It alright, you’re safe now, we gotcha.”

===

There was that beeping again. I heard that not too long ago too. What was it again?

The hospital. Surgery. Kidnapped. I tried to turn my head and look at the beeping thing, but it hurt to move, and all I oculd do was let out a moan.

“Sweetie? Dana? She’s waking up!” My dad’s voice came from the side opposite the beeping, and was a much more attractive option than a computer, so I tried to look that way with little more success. “Just lie still, baby doll. Your mom’ll be here soon.” I felt his strong arms pick me up around my shoulders, and almost gasped in pain at the force behind his hug, but held it in so he wouldn’t stop. It was the first time in a long time my dad had given me a hug like this, and it felt too nice to let go. I started weeping into his shoulder, and felt him doing the same thing as he stroked my hair. “It’s all right baby girl, you’ll be fine. We’re here, Daddy’s here.” More hugs from behind, and this time I could smell my mom’s perfume. I finally was starting to feel safe again, but a terrible thought floated up and I squirmed until they loosened up a bit.

I tried to talk, but my throat was too dry, so Daddy had to give me a drink first. “Patty…” I croaked, my voice still very weak and weird sounding. “Where’s Patty?” I managed to pry my eyes open too, muscle control starting to come back, and looked at my dad, who smiled down at me.

“She’s alright, she’s in the bed next to you. She regained consciousness yesterday, but with the spasms you were having in your sleep they kept you under sedation an extra day.”

“What day is it?”

“Sweetie, it’s Saturday. The police didn’t track down where they took you until Thursday, and we were just thankful they got you that fast. They said you were pretty badly beaten up, and were worried your jaw might have been broken, but it should be okay.” My mom paused for a moment to look at me, and seemed to consider the options before continuing on. “The police said they got there just in time. From what they found out from their interrogations, another day and you two would have been either badly mutilated or dead. Some of the talkers said they were planning to cut you two up to see if there were any boy parts hidden away. OH, Sweetie, I’m sorry!!!” She’d been fighting back the tears the entire time she’d been talking, but they were in the end too much for her and she broke down into sobs, holding onto me and just crying. But I was better. I was with my mom and dad, Patty was okay, and soon I’d be going home.

And I was alive.

===

I almost looked normal with the makeup covering the bruises on my face, and it was getting cool enough I could wear long sleeves to hide the rest. I headed out to join Patty in the living room while we waited on my mom to finish getting ready and give us a ride to school. I’d had to argue with her for like two hours last night to get her to let me go to school today, but I told her I’d missed enough last week, and since the police took my statement yesterday and we’d been lucky and kept away from the press there was no real reason to stay home anyways. She’d finally given in, but she was driving us there and back. I wasn’t about to argue.

We were both wearing skirts today because of how sore we were. They’d been really rough in ‘examining’ us, and even tore Patty’s hymen somehow, with the lawyers using that to add rape charges onto the kidnapping, battery, and all the other stuff they were going away for. Mr. Shaw was getting off lightly on child endangerment charges ‘cause ‘he didn’t assist in the actual kidnapping’ or whatever. Neither of us were appearing at the trial to testify, but from what they said there was enough evidence against all the others that we didn’t need to, and I was glad of it. I know it’s wrong of me, but I really hoped they’d be stuck in there forever. I never did anything to them, and the news said they were still trying to justify their kidnapping (which me and Patty were left anonymous victims, thank god) using God’s word as proof of their divinity or whatever. I always heard that God was supposed to love everyone, so how can anybody try and use him as an excuse for being so cruel and uncaring? I really can’t understand it, and to be honest, I hope I never do.

We were just getting ready to leave when another car pulled into the parking lot directly behind us. At first I thought it was someone else out to get me, or one of the newspaper and TV people who had been trying to get around the police not wanting my picture out, and I got really scared and gripped Patty’s hands tightly. But then I recognized the car. “James?” He got out of the car and shuffled a moment, but quickly went up to Mom’s window and bend down, grinning.

“Hello Missus Phoenix, I was wondering if it’d be okay if I gave Dana and Patty a ride to school today?” Mom looked unsure for a moment, but when I reached forwards and gave her arm a squeeze to let her know it was alright, she nodded. “I promise not to do anything.”

“It’s okay, James. If my daughter trusts you, I do.” We got out and loaded our bags and things into his car, and were quickly off for school. This arrangement worked better for Mom ‘cause she didn’t have to be as late for work, but the drive was kinda uncomfortable at first. Finally, after what seemed like an hour James just snorted and said “Boy, you two girls really stirred the school up with that kidnapping thing.” My eyes shot open, but I just stared straight forwards and gripped the seatbelt as hard as I could. Oh god, they knew! “What I wanna know though is why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” Deny, Deny, Deny. It was my only hope, but James wasn’t buying it.

“That you’re a transsexual.”

“Oh, that.” Shit! Shit shit shit shit shit! I prepared for another beating, or him running the car headlong into a light pole or something. The last thing I expected was him to laugh.

“Did you think I’d wanna hurt you or something?” Huh? “You did, didn’t you?” I nodded and cringed some more, my brain not being able to process the difference between what I expected and what was actually happening. “You know, being on the cheerleading team I thought you woulda noticed by now since you see us both every day.” Now I was even confuseder- er, more confused. He laughed again, not mocking, but like he actually found the situation hilarious. “Miss Cole is my Aunt, guys.” Wait, what was James’s last name? A… Adams, no… Ackerson… Arron… Akron… Akyroyd!

“Oh, god, you’re the principal’s son?” He glanced towards me and shook his head.

“My dad’s his older brother. Daniel Akyroyd III.”

“Oh, NO, Dan Akyroyd?”

“No relation to the actor. And trust me, we’ve heard all the wisecracks too.” It was enough of a tension breaker that I ended up giggling for a little bit, but when he reached over and grabbed my hand I jerked back a bit. “Hey, it’s okay. I still really like you a lot you know.” I just snorted.

“Yeah, right, the big hunky soccer player dating the tranny freak, that’d go over real well.”

“Oh, so you think I’m hunky huh?” I just blushed. He paused for a moment, but continued. “You look real cute when ya do that.” So I did it some more. “Guys, you’d be surprised.”

“What, you’re gonna stand by Dana even when she’s a social leper now? You’d really throw your friends away for her? I doubt it.” Patty was finally speaking up, and I could hear both the anger in her voice and the concern. “Just who all knows about this anyways? Did you figure it out on your own, or do we need to make you turn this car around right now and take us home, ‘cause I’m not gonna let you put my sis in any danger.” God, I love ya Patty.

It was his turn to speak, and the indignation in his tone was clear as day as he responded. “Hell yes I’d stand by Dana over my friends! My aunt told me about what happened when she moved away to try and transition. People beat her and mocked her and were really bad. I could see the hurt in her eyes when she told me, and I promised her I’d never let that happen to anybody else when I was around. I don’t know how things were when you were a boy, but I promise you, if anybody tries anything, I’ll be right next to you.” He squeezed my hand tightly when he said that, and I don’t know how I knew but I KNEW he was telling the truth. I started crying, stupid hormones trying to ruin my makeup, but they were tears of pride this time. “Besides, like I said, you’d be surprised. You WILL be surprised. I’m sorry I didn’t know you before, uh, all this, and I’m sorry you’re so scared of people.”

“Brody.” ‘Nuff said.

“Just let me deal with him.”

“And me.” Patty added. I might have a black belt, but I was still small, and she was darn close to having two.

“Besides, ever since you showed up in a skirt word is most all the guys at school think you’re hot, him included. Heh, one of the guys told me he has a picture of you in his locker.”

“WHAT!” Brody? A picture of me? EWW!

“Just what I heard. I promise you’ll be safe at school, I think of you as a girl and I don’t think many people are gonna argue with a jock who’s related to the principal, do you?”

===

And we were. There were a few nasty comments, and a couple of attempts to push me around, but it wasn’t what it could have been. And everybody knew. Brody was a jerk again, but was kept away by James, and when the stronger boy nearly shoved HIM in a locker he left me alone. And everybody knew. I got hit on by some of the less friendly gay students who’d avoided me like the plague even when I was a guy, most of them thinking since I was a ‘trannie’- rhymes with dog vomit- I was easy, but Patty set them straight with a few well placed jibes and questions to sexual standards of her own, God love her. And everybody knew. And the longer the day went on, the less they seemed to care. I thought it’d be a big deal, but it never crossed my mind I’d be a one hour wonder.

Steven and the gang were a little bit of a surprise. He just walked right up to me in the middle of the hall with Adam and them, and after looking at James, dipped me and gave me a huge theatrical kiss. When he let me back up I could hear applause all around us.

“Gaming next weekend?” I just nodded. “Great!” And he walked off with the others in tow. James came up to me and gave me a strange look, so I gave him a hug to let him know he was still safe.

But the biggest surprise was the cheerleaders. I was expecting them to be my biggest detractors or whatever, but instead the instant I walked in the door I was surrounded by a group hug from almost all of them. Lisa was right at the front and held on just a bit longer than the others. “Oh my god Dana are you okay? We heard about the kidnapping and I was like ‘oh no they’re gonna kill her’ and I called all the other girls and we were so WORRIED! My mom even pulled her State support for the gymnastics team when she found out that horrible man kicked you out, may he rot in hell! You’re-“

I gaped for a moment. “You mean you don’t hate me?”

“For what, getting kidnapped and nearly raped by those stupid-“

“NO. For… for being a… a boy?” I stared at my shoes, waiting for the shocked gasps or the slap or a knife in the back or something, so I tensed up a lot, ready for the worst.

Instead, she hugged me again. “Oh, heavens no! Besides,” she dropped to a whisper right next to my ear, “I knew you were a boy all along.”

“WHAT!”

===

They were hesitant to tell me the story at first, but when I threatened to call the principal and Miss Cole in to find out for me they relented. It was meant to be a big joke, get the little boy to try out for cheerleading for a little bit of fun. Then they saw I could actually do it, and thought why not? Things just kinda snowballed from there, with Shelby’s parents putting up the money for the clothes ‘cause they thought it was a great joke (which told me exactly where here sense of humor came from,) and then it wasn’t a joke any more ‘cause they actually LIKED me, and thought of me as one of the group. Me and Patty were pissed at first to say the least.

“So, let me get this straight. You decided to pretend you thought I was a girl, and stuck me on the squad, not ‘cause I was good, but as a JOKE?”

“NO! I mean, well, yes, but you really were good otherwise we wouldn’t have put you on! Honest, we weren’t gonna tell anybody, it was just supposed to be between the cheerleaders…”

“I don’t care! That was wrong, and the trouble you could have- no, you DID get me in- I don’t know if I wanna be a cheerleader any more if that’s the kinda thing ya’ll do for a joke.”

“But Dana, please! We really do like you, and you’re like one of the best! Don’t, we’ll do anything!” Oh, she was gonna regret that.

“Anything?” She just nodded. Gooooood. I looked at Patty, who grinned at me, and we huddled for a moment. Everybody else started looking nervous. I just gave them the toothiest, most evil sneer I could.

===

Ooh, I was feeling better already.

===

“Ohgod, NO!”

“YES! You said ANYTHING, remember?”

She thought about it. “No bloomers-“

“For ANY of you ‘cept me and Patty-“

‘-for the rest of the year?” She was sweating badly, but I was grinning like the cat who got the cream. Or, in this case, the bloomers.

“Or, you and Nancy could come out as lesbians to the entire school.”

“WHAT!!!” This time Nancy joined her in screeching.

“AND, you have to kiss each other. In front of the entire school, at the next game.”

“Oh, BABY that’s hot!”

“SHELBY!”

===

Le sigh. “All in all, I think things could have gone a lot worse for my return to school.”

“Well I’ll say.” Patty was carrying my bag for me while James carried my books, and my own arms were full of flowers and cards and things from all the other kids who wanted to support me. “You doin’ practice this afternoon? I know you can’t join back up yet, but I bet everyone’d love you to come anyways.” I gave it maybe a second’s thought.

===

“Go, go go,
Go you mighty Cougars,
Fight, fight fight,
Fight you mighty Cougars,
Win, win win,
Win you mighty Cougars,
Go, Fight, Win,
And bring those trophies in!”

I love being a cheerleader.

===

END of Oh, Cheers. Comments appreciated!

===

Final Notes: Thank you all for reading my story. I’ve had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope you’ve all enjoyed it. The two ‘Time Out’s will be out soon, but until then, here’s a listing of all the ‘movies’ Dana and his friends have seen as well as anticipated films and alternates I considered should you want to check them out. I would like to point out at this time that I neglected to ask the authors’ permissions to mention these works in mine, and should they have complaints about my usage I will replace them, though I hope that doesn’t happen!

Part 1:
‘8 Dragons’, ‘The Song of Chi’i’, and ‘Spent Cicada’s Song’ are all by the wonderful Rebekkah De Mere, and are available on Bev’s Balcony and Sapphire’s Place.
===alternate===
‘Wateley Academy’ is a wonderful story universe as well along some similar lines, and has stories available I know here at BC and at Sapphire’s Place, as well as their very own site ‘The Crystal Palace’.
‘MORFS’ is a great universe too, and there are stories from the futuristic setting available here at BC, Fictionmania, Crystal’s Story Site, Sapphire’s Place, and the MORFS homepage, knowwheretogo.

Part 2:
‘Firefly: Connecting Flight’ is Randalynn’s excellent fanfic available as far as I know exclusively here at BC, and will hopefully be continued soon :P
===alternate===
‘Kelly Girl’ by Wanda Cunningham is a beautiful coming of age story that I hope is continued soon as well, and is available here and at Crystal’s Story Site as well as in printed form, so get buyin’!
‘Price to Pay’ is by Alys and available here at BC, another great coming of age tale with a more serious bent than ‘Kelly Girl’ but still absolutely fantastic.

Part 3:
‘Belle of the Ball’ is by E.E. Nalley and covers the adventures of the amazing Southern Belle as she fights evil and finds a few friends- and enemies- along the way. Available at Stardust and Sapphire’s Place.
‘Zapped!’ is by Bob Arnold, and tells the epic legend of Jennifer Stevens as she deals with the incredible accident that led to- well, read it to find out! Available here at BC, Sapphire’s Place, Crystal’s Story Site, and at Stardust.
===alternate===
‘Of Masks and Marvels’ is by the very talented Bek D. Corbin, and is a fantastic superhero adventure featuring the incredible Lady Lightning available at Sapphire’s Place.
‘Gaby’ is Maddy Bell’s signature work revolving around the misadventures of Drew/Gaby Bond. Available here at BC, Sapphire’s Place, Crystal’s Story Site, Bev’s Balcony I do believe, and at her home site of Maddybell.com.
‘Homecoming Princess’ and ‘Show Me the Money’ are both by Arecee Em, and two stories nobody should miss. Check them out here at BC, or ‘Homecoming Princess’ is also available at Crystal’s Story Site as well.

‘Green Acres: The Musical’ as far as I know doesn’t actually exist, and I am very thankful for that.

‘Cara Malone’ is the main character from ‘No Half Measures by Jenny Walker, available on BC, and Michelle Grayson is from ‘I’m With the Band’ by Melanie Brown, available at Sapphire’s.

It is likely these titles are available on other sites as well, but I might have very well missed them as I mostly stick roundabout here. If you know of other places to find them, including Fictionmania which is both extremely likely and one place I never visit , don’t hesitate to let me know so I can update the plugs :)

Melanie E.