---

Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

---

 
 
Chapter 1
 
My name is Jack and I’m a street rat, a homeless person, in New York City (NYC); I live several levels below the street in an abandoned subway tunnel. During my four years in the city it has been used two times as a by-pass for a regular line that was receiving maintenance; the other time another area was closed because of an accident.

I had been in the city a few weeks when I followed four older guys using a door ‘marked caution: warning danger do not enter’. But they entered and a minute later so did I.

I waited to hear another door to open and close, but it took a while. Each level, I since learned, usually has four turns of stairs going down. I finally heard a door open and I started down. It is was a faint sound and caused me to wonder. When I went down and got to a door, I felt I got there too soon. The steps going down were roped off but footprints showed others had gone down there. I now followed though the descent wasn’t straight down. Exactly where I was, was not certain nor did it matter. The next door opened to a small landing and onto some tracks. Like the last section of steps the lighting was poor.

Pausing, I waited, listened and heard to my left the group was walking and I followed. Then I heard them speaking but no movement. I was watching in front and behind for the sound of a subway train. The subway trains were heard somewhere above us, none on these tracks. I’m using my smaller flashlight not wanting to shine too far down the track and give my coming away. Possibly I passed someone on the other side, two tracks over. It was wise not to search for trouble, so I kept walking.

I did pass spots I could run to and jump in case of an emergency. The voices of the group went silent and shortly after I was being approached by someone. I waited too long to turn back, two guys caught up to me. I should have been in for a beating, but lucked out. While I got a hit to the stomach that bent me over, they had use for a reliable centurion. I was tied so I could not run away once I agreed to help them as a lookout.

One of them showed me where I was to sleep. It was a cutout for subway track lights: green, yellow and red. I was told the lights could never be covered, but plywood or cardboard could be used to close off a two by four-foot section. I was to stay and sleep there but run up two sections further and warn the group before hiding myself there or near the third section. There was up to six in the group at times.

Over time I found two more ways in and out. There were several times each year I needed to warn the others and either hide or escape the tunnel. I was both fortunate and very good not to be caught by others in the tunnel.

On the streets, I was caught more than once, placed in group homes, with foster families or in juvenile centers. Never was I held more than a few weeks. Two times I was caught within an hour to six hours of having escaped. After my 8 or tenth time of being taken by authorities, their interest diminished.

There were many people, police included, who finally saw me as an incorrigible street person to ignore. More than a few people came to give me change or a dollar or more, encouraging me to stay clean and move along. From fetching water or supplies, or getting through small tight places for others I found many ways to provide for myself. Early morning was a good time to search for discarded clothes, food or other things I needed.

I used small spools of discarded wire, two lights and a switch that allowed me to place the lights 250’ away from my hideout as warning lights to my group farther down the track. Because the strands of wire were thin, they were easy to hide yet serve their purpose. I learned it from a so-called uncle. It was another plus for me with the group and had its perks.

I learned over time the importance of keeping myself clean and presentable to the public. Among other things girls and women had a higher repulsion to a grubby kid. Looking needy helped to evoke their caring and help. Being too dirty or pungent hurt, especially as I became interested in girls. My long hair was not detrimental, but too clean made the impression of an easy mark. Grungy hair caked together had way too many negatives.

Once, I was held long enough that a social worker got me a social security card which later enabled me to get a bank card. I liked newspapers and finding books here and there. I used a calculator to continue to learn arithmetic, discarded copies of the National Geographic maps to learn about the world, forgotten iPods and cell phones were good for music, communicating with others was not advised.

SIRIUS once held a concert that I got into at Central Park, and with a bit of fast-talking and good luck I got an iPod with a five year subscription. It was something few knew I had and no one knew where I kept it.

It was over a year ago I spotted a woman who caught my interest. I thought I had seen her before but finally, I followed her to where she lived. She wasn’t the first woman I took an interest in. She was considerably older, as I was now fourteen; I figured she was probably 23 or 24. She was not only beautiful but was educated and carried herself with class.

She lived in a good size apartment building of brick and stone. There were two apartments in the basement and I never figured out how many apartments in the remaining three floors. There was another woman with whom she seemed to share an apartment. Several men seemed to live there in the apartment complex but I was never sure which of them lived there or which were visiting.

Once I followed her to Fordham University where she attended classes. While she was sociable with others, she wasn’t dating anyone in particular nor did she seem to have many close friends. More than once she was picked up at her apartment by one corporate car or another. Some nights a guy in a fancy car or a limousine picked her up. Sometimes she ate at neighborhood cafes and restaurants, but most often at her place.

It was usually at least once a week that I tried to see her, while three times a week was the most I dared. It was unusual that we would be close enough to talk and rarely more than say hello. Once I was not paying close attention when she saw me near Fordham University and asked why I was over there. I told her I had to make a delivery, she asked what and I said it was a computer part, but that I didn’t know what. She frowned a bit when she asked where my bicycle was and I told her I didn’t have one.

Most the people who delivered things any distance rode the city streets on a bike. If you didn’t have a bike you were considered a neighborhood errand boy. I covered myself saying it was an unusual request and I did it as a favor and because I needed the money. When she smiled, I walked away feeling lucky to have visited with her, and was a good liar to get away. After that I knew enough to keep a good distance.

It was a few weeks later I was following her back toward her apartment and a couple of guys made fun of me for following her. Things would have been okay and I was handling things until one of them called her a whore. I am not naive to think she never had sex, but it just didn’t sit well that they called her a whore. I said she was no such thing and they should take it back.

I’m not a big guy and usually I would be smart enough to back off or get even another way. Today I wasn’t being very smart. I got in a good hit and knocked the guy down. Then it went from me fighting one to fighting three. They were bigger and I was on the wrong side for where I needed to go. I picked up a garbage lid and tried to charge though, but the fight escalated. Several cars were damaged, an older person was knocked down and hurt. By the time police got there, the others had run and I was having trouble picking myself off the sidewalk or street whichever it was.

The police in this precinct didn’t know me nor did they care. When I was dropped off to be processed as a juvenile, one officer noticed me. “Hey Jack, it has been a while. You know you could have picked a better time.”

That usually meant the juvenile courts were backed up or people in juvenile services were on the rag. It was a political summer which meant politicians were getting tough on crime, and by this time the courts and others were hard to get along with.

I got one day getting medical attention, unfortunately that meant 24 hours of people getting the wrong side of the story. Social services were called in and between the stories they were told and the broken record of my placements with them, things were not looking good. Everything broken and the person hurt were all credited to me. The person associated with me was unnamed; the label of her being a prostitute elevated me to a different level of crime and charges.

“You are lucky they didn’t find any drugs on you, but tackling the group you did, leaves little doubt that you are using something,” my caseworker said. While I admitted to it not being the smartest thing I ever did. I denied hurting the elderly person and admitted to only damaging one car.

I joked, “I hope you don’t hold it against me if they broke a side window with my face or dented a door with my head being driven into it by others.” They didn’t see any humor in what I said. They wanted me to acknowledge I was associated with a prostitute and to name her.

“If we identify the prostitute and have her come in, will she be able to validate your side of the story?”

“One, the person in question is not a prostitute; she was probably at least a block or more away and I don’t have a name to give you," I said.

The caseworker introduced herself as Valerie, but as we closed the session it was Ms. Jones and tomorrow was the deciding day for what laid ahead for me.

The next day I was shackled along with being cuffed before being transported. It did not bode well as good news. Ms. Jones and a female officer greeted me at the other end of my trip but we were meeting in a lounge. Ms. Jones said, “This will a be a very unusual meeting to determine where you will be staying next and which judge you would be appearing before.” With her nod, the officer invited in Dr. Roberts introduced as a clinical psychologist for the city and state. It was the next person who was invited in that caught me by total surprise.

It was the woman I was following the day I got in the fight and was arrested. She was calm, nicely dressed and gave me a slight but untelling smile. “Ms. Bridgette Riley has been asked to be here. She is said to be the woman you had been with prior to your fight and arrest Jack.” Ms. Jones continued, “Jack, we would like you to confirm for us you're knowing her and your relationship to her?”

“I’m a street person and on a rare occasion I take an interest in people I see. I usually don’t know them by name as in this case,” I said. “I stay away far enough that they usually don’t know I am there. Some time back she struck me as an attractive, educated, and classy lady, and I began to follow her now and then.”

“You are not the same age, so what was your intent? Are you a pervert, did you work for her or did you imagine her to be your girlfriend,” Dr. Roberts asked?

I said, “Neither as you said we are not the same age and I don’t work for anyone on a regular basis.”

“Miss Riley would you please tell us for the record your full name and what you do,” Ms. Jones snidely asked.

“My name is Bridgette Olivia Riley. I am a business consultant and I attend Fordham University seeking my Master’s degree in Business Management.”

“Have you been or are you now also involved in prostitution as has been insinuated by others,” Dr. Roberts asked?

“No, that is not true nor do I think you would have asked me here now if that were a serious allegation.” I liked how cool she was.

Dr. Roberts again spoke up, “That is very true and I would like to strongly advise Ms. Jones not to polarize this discussion. But you do know or have met Jack before, have you not? Did you know on the day in discussion that Jack got in a fight and that he was seen following you?”

“No, the last day I remember seeing and meeting Jack was about two weeks earlier near the Fordham University campus.”

“Jack would you please tell us what happened on the day you got into that fight and were arrested,” Dr. Roberts asked?

“As she said, it was about two weeks since we bumped into each other near Fordham. This was the 3 or 4th time I gone to see her since. I learned to keep my distance again. She had gone into her apartment building and I wasn’t sure what to do. I was walking the block before her apartment when some guy asked what I was doing following her. Then he made the mistake of calling her a ‘whore'. I pushed him saying it wasn’t nice and he should take it back. We both swung at each other and I got in a good hit that sent him back.”

“When two other guys stepped forward; I realized I was in trouble. I was in their neighborhood and I was on the wrong side of them. I didn’t want to go north that would take me close to her apartment. I was afraid she'd know I was following her. So I grabbed a garbage lid to help me work my way through and I rushed forward to get back to a subway tunnel. They knocked me down and kicked me but I made it up with my back to a car.

“One of the guys told me not to mess with the car or he would take it out of my hide. When he acknowledged it was his car. I smashed the outside mirror with the lid and the fight turned uglier. I should have gone down and stayed down that is when the elderly guy tried to stop the fight. They threw him down and out of the way and the fight continued. The next thing I remembered was trying to get up; the guys were running; then I heard the sirens and a couple of officers had me.”

They said, “Three cars were damaged and I hurt an old man.” I looked around and I was not where I had remembered and three cars were indeed damaged and I was bleeding and having trouble catching my breath as they gave me a good beating.

“So you’re saying you were a relatively innocent victim of circumstance,” Ms. Jones snidely commented. “You just happen to be the one arrested and charged.”

“No Ma’am, I’m not innocent, but I am the one out of that neighborhood and unknown to the police in that precinct. The others were able to run and by that time I was in no shape to run. I didn’t hit or hurt the elderly man, I don’t do that. And I didn’t damage the other two cars. I don’t take the blame for others, I just don’t do it. Nor is this woman a prostitute and if I had known her name I wouldn’t have told you anyway.”

Dr. Roberts was upset with the exchange between Jones and me. “We identified Miss. Riley as the woman in question and asked her to be here this morning. We need to decide how we are to proceed with you. In our system, you are considered incorrigible. We wanted to give her a chance to take responsibility for you without any charges made against her and possibly being dropped against you.

We asked Miss Riley here having told her what happened to see if she wanted to take responsibility for you. The other two choices as we told her are permanently putting you into a group home in lock-down or putting you over to juvenile court to face your charges. This being a political year, they want to waive your status as a juvenile and to try you as an adult with the charges upped to felony charges separated out so you could be facing some good time, 10-15 years.”

Miss Riley was asked to speak. “I would need to speak to Jack, but I am not expecting him or you to approve my alternative. I don’t think he is the violent, troublemaker people are making him out to be. The idea of him a fourteen year old being treated as an adult and thus placed in an adult prison is repulsive. But there is little I can do about it.”

Ms. Jones said, “Tell Jack what your option is? While it is unusual Dr. Roberts said it has been done with a troubled transgendered person, so it is possible.”

“I would not do it as something forced upon him, but if Jack was under my responsibility I would feminize him and she would live with me, go to school and do as I said. I would need to legally be her guardian and her identity formally changed to go along with the reality of how she would be raised. It would include more than appearance but how she lived and acted. Being fourteen I would expect her to go to school until she graduated from high school. I would need to speak with Jack alone and have his agreement without the threat of others.”

“Expecting he will turn me down, I will then leave this session and what happens after that would be your responsibility. I or someone I know of would speak up in concern for his rights, if he goes to trial,” she said.

Dr. Roberts spoke up indicating that an officer, Ms. Jones and she would leave the room and allow us to visit. She assured us that no one would be listening or watching save to make sure I did not seek to do escape or act violently. The officer unlocked my shackles and handcuffs. Dr. Roberts stated to Miss. Riley, “We have met your requirements, against our advice for your safety.”

“Jack, I need to ask and make sure for myself that you are not a stalker or under the allusion you and I have any romantic future? Who do you think I am and what is your interest in me,” she asked? She shook her head and asked, “How old do you think I am anyway?”

I opened a Pepsi in front of me and took a drink and rubbed my wrists and ankles as I took my time before I spoke. “No, I am not a stalker and I suspect you are 24 or 25, way too old for me. You are a good looking lady, your educated and you’re classy.”

“I’m a street rat, but I’m human not an animal. I work hard to learn and read, and years from now, I’m going to be off the street. I have people I look up to and want to be like. I’ve been on my own over four years. It would be at least two years before I can begin working my way off the street. I have a cop and a construction worker that I look up to as well as the likes of you. I got in a fight when someone called the cop Rogers a pig and wouldn’t shut his mouth. But I didn’t get in trouble for that like this.”

She said, “I’m Bridgette, and strangely enough I believe you. But what I am suggesting is real, though I don’t expect you to take me up on it. I’m sorry but I won’t deal with a young man. If you were under my care I would feminize you and you would become a young woman and have to go to school come September. You'd be under my care until you graduated from high school and were ready to be on your own.”

“You would have me cut and made into a woman?” I stepped back in shock, unconsciously covering my male parts.

She laughed then turned serious, “No, I would not seek anything done surgically to you. Your male parts would be hidden but otherwise untouched. I would expect you to dress and act like a woman including your attending school. I would ask you to be put on a hormone blocker and a light dose of female hormones to be taken ongoing. You would wear breast forms as appropriate for a girl your age. I won’t put up with arguments; you would have some say in how you dress as a girl fashion-wise.”

Bridgette was pretty sure I had heard enough and got up and asked the others to come back in. She had her purse and laptop in hand expecting to go. Ms. Jones was smiling, almost laughing as she asked, “So what do you think Jack do you want to take that option or can we let Miss Riley go?”

I looked down but didn’t answer. Dr. Roberts let some time pass, “Jack, are you seriously considering Miss Riley's suggestion or can we let her go and get on with business? This is your decision, but I need a formal response.” She waited and I looked at her and then at Bridgette.

“It may sound crazy, but it is the one thing I think I could handle. I am pretty sure lock-down in a group home isn't acceptable; I'm not an animal. My Dad gave up on me long ago, and I wouldn’t go back there anyway. I didn’t do so well against three bigger boys. So I'm sure a prison would be no better than living a nightmare.”

“You might be surprised, but I do know what a transgendered person is and I’m not one. But Miss Riley is open and honest, so I know what I would have to live with. I expect that she will turn me down when I say yes, but that is up to her. I see living as a girl as my only real option.”

The room went silent as Bridgette put down her stuff. Ms. Jones’ jaw fell and the officer and Dr. Roberts were just quiet. I do think the officer was ready for me to try to bolt. She moved and I believe she was going to tighten my shackles and handcuffs. Dr. Roberts signaled her to stop.

Dr. Roberts turned, “Miss Riley, he has said yes to taking up your offer; what do you say?” Miss Riley had a bag of stuff that she lifted and put onto the table.

“I didn’t expect it, but I have prepared things just in case he said yes. There are clothes in the bag and a note of what she would need to do now so you people know upfront what I am doing. You need either say no now or I follow through with what I said. Ms. Jones said there would be a unisex restroom that could be used by Jack.”

She pushed over to me a bag; I took it with me as the officer showed me the restroom. I was given another bag for the clothes I was wearing. I stripped down and put my clothes into that bag. There was a page of instructions at the top of the other bag. I found a pink panty and stepped into it and pulled it up my legs. It was different as I tucked my boy self back between my legs, bringing the panty up in place.

There was a bra with rolled-up sock for each cup. I tried putting them on all together and finally decided to put on the bra and then put in the socks. The bra had nice lacework around the cups, along with the straps as well as the bottom of the bra. The white item was a pullover blouse with pink trim and short puffy sleeves. I put it on and smoothed it out, my chest appeared to have soft bumps with a V opening around the neck. I noticed my arms and hands were shinny when I washed my hands very well. They weren’t big but they weren’t a girl’s. I felt frustrated.

There was a nicely folded pair of red slacks that snuggled my legs and body as I pulled them up. I was sure they won’t fit and would rip when I bent down or moved the wrong way. But I realized that was the style. Bridgette wanted me to sense that they and I were different. I found some stockings but they were anklets and had gone up far enough to give the appearance that I was wearing stockings.

There was a pair of shoes with a two-inch, narrow heels. There was a pouch at the bottom of the bag with a brush, lipstick and mascara. I got frustrated and loud with the brush and trying to make something of my hair. Dr. Roberts knocked at the door and asked, “Are you dressed enough I can help you finish up.” I should be embarrassed but said yes and she came into the bathroom.

“You have done well; I heard your frustration and gathered it was either makeup or your hair. She took the brush and brushed out my hair from the mess I made and then began to style it. It was simple, nothing elaborate, yet it helped to transform my look to that of a teenage girl. I did the lipstick and grabbed the mascara brush, but I was having trouble to move my hands right to apply the mascara, until Dr. Roberts spoke. I was going to give her the brush but she said I could do it and she guided me as I was looking into the mirror. She suggested how to hold the mascara stick and turn the wand ever so slightly as I approached the lashes. I got the lashes in close to my nose as well as a light touch on the lashes along the bottom of my eyes.

When I stepped back I was happy with my eyelashes and hair but my lips looked like someone pushed on the lipstick. I wiped them off saying I was done, but Dr. Roberts said I could do it with a little pointer. She was right and I liked the look of my lips glimmering with lipstick. I couldn’t believe what I was thinking. I hoped I didn’t say it out loud.

“Yes, you did quite well with a little help; I suspect in a few months you will be amazed with the look you can put together. Now I think you are ready to step out and we can finish things up and you two can get going,” said Dr. Roberts. She took time to speak to me and asked me to try and stay out of trouble. She gave me her card and invited me to call if things got out of hand. It would be six months before my record would be cleared.

Two women stepped out of the rest room and I handed my bag of clothes to Bridgette. She held out two hands like women sometimes do. I took hold and it comforted me. This time I sat down next to Bridgette with a big unbelievable smile on my face. Dr. Roberts asked for a name. Bridgette spoke up, “Ashley Phoenix Riley will be her name unless she protests too much.”

I quietly said it to myself, 'Ashley Phoenix Riley,' "I like Ashley and Riley means you are accepting me into your family which I like. I haven’t belonged anyplace for quite a while. I will probably make you sorry that you gave it to me. But why Phoenix as my middle name?”

Seemingly the others figured it out, “Hopefully it fits and is becoming of you.”

Ms. Jones felt a need to remind me I could soon be hers again, “I look forward to seeing you back and turning you over to the adult courts. Your role then as a girl there would be very uncomfortable for you.” She laughed at me.

Dr. Roberts said, “Ms. Jones seemingly your supervisors either like or put up with your attitude. But I am putting in a recommendation that you do not work with juveniles any more. I am also putting an injunction against you having anything to do anything with Ashley or her case. It will place you on the edge of being out on the streets, let’s see if that impacts your sensitivity.” She dismissed us, and Bridgette handed me a purse as we left.

The purse has a long strap that I placed over my shoulder as she gave me the bag and her laptop to carry. Walking out and down the steps made me think of how I was walking; Bridgette suggested smaller steps. I made them narrow with one foot in front of the other but worked to limit any wiggle in my walk.

She signaled for a cab and instructed me how to sit down and move over. She gave the driver an address and was on the phone calling a friend, Cathy. “We are on our way over. She surprised all of us and she’s coming over for your help.” They talked a bit more as she looked at me with a smile and motioned me to check my purse. I was looking into the purse of a woman but it was neat and organized like a girl owned it.

Before we pulled away the officer ran over to the taxi and handed a card through the window. Bridgette handed it to me. It was a driver’s license marked ‘Identification only’. There were my picture and name as Ashley Phoenix Riley. I found a wallet with a change purse and a place for my identification along with a place for a phone with an I.O.U for a new phone.

We were on our way. I knew where Bridgette lived, but I wasn’t sure of anything else. A confused look must have gone on my face. Bridgette leaned over and gave me one of those women kisses on the cheek, saying “Welcome to Oz Sweetie.”
 
 
To Be Continued...
 

 

Before we pulled away an officer hands a card through the window. It's a driver’s license marked ‘Identification only’...
There is my picture and name Ashley Phoenix Riley. I find a wallet with a place for my license...
A place for a phone with an I.O.U for a new phone...
Bridgette leaned over and gave me one of those women kisses on the cheek, saying “Welcome to Oz Sweetie.”

 

---

Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

---

 
 
Chapter 2
 
“Ashley, I am a bit surprised that you are here, but I hope you are ready for a big change in your life girl,” Bridgette said. “I have a friend Cathy who will help us in your transformation to becoming a pretty girl who's ready to move on.”

I say, “Miss. Riley, no disrespect, but I think, I'll wear your patience out pretty fast. When I do, the last thing I’m going to want is to be a pretty boy on the streets. Being on the streets is hard enough, having to be a pretty girl could make it worse than prison.”

“Some baggy clothes for a heavier girl look is something I could change over to more easily. It would be better for both of us.”

Miss Riley was quiet during the rest of our trip to Cathy’s. We're no sooner in Cathy’s apartment and she plunked me down in a seat and I knew to listen. “Now Miss. Ashley Riley, you listen to me I did not give you the name ‘Riley’ lightly. If you intended not to go through with this you picked the wrong person. You already made a decision and have entrusted yourself to me.”

“If you want to try running, you might as well try now and get that notion out of your system. I have already told you my intentions and have given you your choice.” We looked at each other as Cathy came and stood next to Bridgette. They were waiting to see if I was going to run.

Part of me wanted to run, if I made it to my hole in the wall, I could change my clothes and how I look. However, my feelings welled up and I began to cry. ‘I can’t be crying like a girl I thought, ‘but I couldn’t remember crying like this since I was a little kid.’ Bridgette paused and then she hugged me and asked, “Why the tears Ashley?”

“I want to be happy, but I am scared,” he said.

Cathy took me by the hand, hugged me, and whispered, “I think you chose wisely, young woman.” Cathy wanted to do my hair, but I still smelled too much of the street and jail. It's embarrassing for a guy to dress down to panties and bra, but even they had to go. Cathy gave a side compliment, “It will be nice to get him/her cleaned up and her hair done, she won’t make a bad-looking girl.”

She told me not to worry about my hair in the shower, she would give me a shampoo and cut. But they reached in after I had just gotten wet and soapy. They turned off the water and put a cream on my legs and arms. They talk to me as they watch their watches before letting me continue the shower. They gave me a good-smelling girly soap. Not only did I lose the little hair I had from my legs and arms, but my legs felt softer and smoother. They looked as pretty as a woman’s complexion and felt good as well.

I was back in a clean pair of panties and a bra for now. I'm given a simple top and a pair of girl’s shorts. Cathy took my hand and had me sit in a chair near a special sink, but I faced away from the sink. It was strange as she leaned me back and my neck fit into this small curved area. She wet and began to shampoo my hair.

“I am going to brighten her hair a bit Bridgette, and give it a redness that says you two are family,” Cathy says to Bridgette, I knew she was also talking to me. “I can tell he was a ‘street kid’ but he took better care of himself than some of the girls we've seen. Her hair is in poor shape for Ashley, but she does have a good head of hair and in time it will be gorgeous." Cathy looked directly into my eyes, "Hello. if Ashley is already in there she’ll love today.”

Cathy shampooed, conditioned, shampooed, colored, and conditioned my hair again before she sat me fully up and dried it some. She begins to comb it out. She sectioned off an area she combed down onto my face and cut off what went below the bottom of my eyes. She rolled the remaining hair in a curler and then made her way around my head cutting some here and there. She uses rollers, clips, and pins. I know because she set a mess of them in front of me and had me hand her what she wanted

She turned the chair around and had me watching her saying, “Do you see how I am doing this?”

My initial thought was ‘Who cares’, but as she went along she knew she got my attention and knew that I was really watching. She has this smart humor to gently rub my male ego through it. Bridgette had asked and went to get some sandwiches for noon lunch. If I had realized it that would have been a good time to have run.

The sandwiches were good, I could have easily eaten all three myself. Instead, I found myself taking small bites, patting my lips with a napkin, and enjoying our conversation. I was watching Cathy and Bridgette and I took cues from how they did things.

Bridgette says, “You didn’t learn to eat like that on the street… And by the way please tell me where you lived and how you managed as a young guy. The social worker said you were at least four years younger when you ran away into the city from someplace in Connecticut.”

I told her, “I learned as a street kid to mimic my environment, so I ate like you and Cathy.”

“I am not going to say exactly where I lived, but I lived under the streets. I became a watch guard for another group. I was a sneaky little rat," I said with a proud smile. "A gang from the streets once tried to clean the subway of my guys. I had signaled my group and set a wire to trip them when their gang tried to bail out.”

“If you’re not big and tough or in a group; you needed to be quick and think… You won’t believe it but I have a little library down there. I used discarded calculators and school books to learn. That was one of the things I liked about Bridgette,” I said.

“How was that?” Cathy cynically asked.

“You think it is just because she’s beautiful that I liked her, don’t you?” I knew what she was thinking. “She carried library books some of the time. Their numbers make them easy to spot; she had other heavy books so I figured she was one of those really smart students. Beauty and brains can go together, but you didn’t expect a guy to notice, did you?”

“I told you, I’m scared,” I said. “Bridgette says I’m going to school. That excites me, but it also scares me so much I'd wet a pretty pair of panties,” I laughed. I was relieved when Bridgette and Cathy did too.

“The closest I ever came to wanting to be a girl was when my parents divorced and my sisters got to go with my mom because they were daughters, girls. I was kept with my dad because I was his son.”

“I was told my mom moved away to be safe, so my dad wouldn't find them. It was less than a month after they left that I was the one to blame when my dad got upset. Mom and my sisters never came back, not even when I went to the hospital. Three times I got hurt or ran away. People promised I would be safe when I went home. I wasn't. That was when I decided to get lost in New York City.”

Bridgette asked, “Weren’t you afraid of getting hurt?” Cathy had started to undo the rollers and pins and comb and brush out my hair. I was enjoying that so much Bridgette had to ask again.

I said, “Getting lost in this city would have been scarier if I knew better. But I didn’t know where I was, just that I didn’t want to get sent home… The first time I got bit by a rat, I got so sick, that I thought I would die. I didn’t make it back to my hide-out. I never gave them my real name or where I lived. Once my dad came to see if I was his son; we both denied knowing the other.”

“My dad thought me too much trouble; I could end up being a funeral cost. He even told me that. The placement of a street rat doesn’t rate too high on the City's list. Some places they put you weren’t better than the streets. Officer Rog helped catch me twice, after that he knew the holes I was crawling out of weren't necessarily worse than where they sent me.”

“The first time he left me fruit and & ½ a sandwich, I was too afraid to take it. A squirrel had gotten to it by the time I decided it was safe. I split the sandwich with the squirrel but kept the fruit for me.”

Cathy had finished with my hair, but they would not let me see in the mirror. I had to change into a light yellow summer skirt and put on a girly undershirt they called a camisole with a light shirt-like blouse over that.

I'm now in that chair as Cathy did my makeup and Bridgette my fingernails. She placed my feet in the same goop my hands were in, saying I was getting a pedicure as well as a manicure.

They both laughed when I asked what my hands and feet had that they needed this cure thing. My nails had been grubby and stained but that pretty much disappeared as Bridgette progressed. I wouldn’t realize till later that my grungy feet lost much of their hard dry crusts of skin. Cathy had my attention when she started to apply makeup.

There were these little bits of cream or ointment she spread across my face. The names she told me kind of fitted, she told me one's a 'concealer' and the other is a ‘foundation’ that goes over the rest of my face. She used tweezers first pulling out hairs around my eyebrows. When I complained she used warm wax instead. It felt good going on, I thought it was a soothing ointment. That was until it dried and she pulled it off, saying “That’s much better.”

I never realized it could hurt being a girl. Cathy marked my ears with dots and even asked my opinion if they were balanced in their spacing. I thought she was thinking about tattoos but hadn’t remembered seeing a guy’s ears being tattooed. I protested as she raised this gun-like object and I let out a yip each time she shot in a stud making for three earrings on each side. One had a light blue sparkle, another was a small hoop, and the last was a diamond stud.

She went back to my eyes but this time without pain. She put on two shades of color: a peachy pink and a light golden yellow. She went light on the mascara and eyebrow pencil. Bridgette looked up and said that was the young teen look she wanted. Cathy finished with a light blush on my cheeks.

Bridgette finished my fingernails, which were now a peachy pink. I swore that they glistened because they were still wet, which I kind of hoped was true as they were too girly for me. Bridgette was painting my toes when I realized the color kept that wet look.

Cathy is quickly becoming Aunt Cathy in my head so I ask, "Can I call you my Aunt?" She asked me to hold my left hand, palm up, which I did. She put a dab of perfume on my wrist to smell. I liked both the fragrance and the name Light Blue by DG. Bridgette laughed, “Of course you would have an expensive taste.” They showed me how and where to apply the perfume.

“I don’t need it,” I pouted. “Blame Cathy, she is the one who asked me to try it.” They both giggled at my expense.

“So young woman, where did you get that voice? I like it for you and I think it will only get better as you use it.” Bridgette’s statement caught me by surprise. She and Cathy said I was using it more and more since my shower. The only explanation I had was my street savvy to adapt to my surroundings. Bridgette said, “So did you know you had a girl inside?”

I wasn’t trying to think back, but my mind jumped back to images of my mother and sisters when my parents were separated and I knew I was staying with my dad. My sister Dana was two years older and Beth was just over a year younger. My mom and older sister were crying the last time they left me. They knew not to look back. Beth walked with them, holding mom’s hand but her head was turned back and she stared at me until they were out of sight.

“I had two sisters and my mom; they're all I can think of.” Bridgette had taken hold of my hand knowing I was seeing them in my mind. Bridgette has a neat gift that in time I would come to recognize and treasure. She didn’t try to say something when she didn’t know what to say. She lightly drew me into a hug. I wasn’t appreciating being a girl, and my world was changing like a spinning top. With the hug, the spinning stopped and I was glad for a moment to be there.

Bridgette looked at her watch and said, “We need to get going if we are going to get some things done today. Cathy, what do you think? I think you have done a great job; you have brought Ashley into view. What do you think Ashley?”

Cathy took my hand and walked me to her bedroom where she had a full-length mirror. “Ashley, I think you make a lovely girl, but what do you think?” I froze as I looked.

"Ashley looks good as a girl but she is plain in comparison to Bridgette," I said.

“Ashley, as girls we tend to think less of ourselves than those around us. If you do that you will miss some wonderful and amazing times in your life. The person you are becoming will be very attractive to those who care, please embrace her.” I turned as Bridgette touched my hand.

I ask, “I am ready to go, is Aunt Cathy going with us.” Cathy smiled and shared she needed time to put herself together. It only took a short bit and she was ready. We were ready for a casual time out. I knew Cathy and Bridgette had talked about where we were going and what we were shopping for. When we went outside, a taxi drove up.

Bridgette tells me how to sit down and scoot over. Cathy's in on the other side and we were soon at Macy’s. We went to women’s clothing and a saleswoman measured me and determined for most things I was a size 3. The woman looked at me and then asked Bridgette if I was a country cousin.

Bridgette kept her cool but excused the woman and asked for someone else to help us. Bridgette showed me some styles and some differences in looking for quality. I quickly learned while quality could cost more, higher prices were not a guarantee of quality. She preferred dresses and skirts that had a lining. I thought we would buy an outfit or two but came away with five skirts, three dresses, and about ten tops. We only bought half a dozen panties and three bras along with hose and other accessories. Bridgette says I would be changing enough that especially bras would change in how they fit.

She had our purchases held aside while we looked at the bedding. We started with two sets of sheets and pillowcases, along with several sets of towels and washcloths. The bedspread and curtains Bridgette helped me to select, making sure they were feminine. She said they would set the mood for my room.

The next items we bought were purses and handbags. Bridgette wouldn’t tell me how much we spent but my guess was over $1,200. I did not realize Cathy had gone on her own, to save us some time shopping. When she came back, she had purchased a makeup case and all the basics I would need.

Bridgette had called for the taxi and the same taxi was there that previously picked us up. “Thanks, Jerry, we’re going to fill your trunk I’m afraid.”

“You good to Jerry, Bridgette. You tell me if a girl comes home it would be for a long time. Now I get an idea w’at a long time mi’ta be.” We filled the trunk and Jerry put the last of my, stuff in the front seat.

I was glad when we rode up to the apartment building from the opposite direction that I had usually come and gone. Bridgette’s apartment with Steffi was on the second floor and third floors, but what I hadn’t realized is they had the second and third floors of the twin building next door. We went down and around the corner of the hall before we entered the other building. Bridgette showed me my bedroom room and our living quarters on the third floor.

My bedroom was quite bare, “Ashley, I wasn’t expecting you to accept my offer. I am committed to you and we have a good start,” said Bridgette. “Now I ask you to pick out an outfit and change as we will go out to eat tonight. We will usually eat at home, but not tonight.”

I cleaned up and changed into a simple outfit of a nice skirt and blouse. Cathy showed me how to put on some pantyhose. She asked how I liked the feel of my legs, I lied and said I didn’t. I think she knew better.

Cathy helped me to redo my makeup. I was surprised at how different evening makeup was or what went into taking off makeup and applying a new look. Cathy helped me so it didn’t take so long, but I had to do a good portion of it. “Ashley, you are learning but you need to be patient. Are you surprised how little it takes to help you look so beautiful?”

Cathy went and changed into a skirt she had purchased, redid her makeup, and borrowed one of Bridgette’s larger tops. Bridgette had changed into something simple, but on her, everything looked special.

I expected to see Jerry and his taxi when we walked out of her apartment. We, however, walked three blocks to a neighborhood ma and pa Italian restaurant. It was a very good meal, but I was not much of a judge. It had been over four years since I had a sit-down meal. Bridgette encourages, "Please don't eat too much, you're not used to it. We can take the rest home."

Bridgette told me, “We spent a lot of money today and we have more we will spend in the days ahead. I am committed to you, but you need to know a New Yorker doesn’t eat where the tourists do very often. There is a lot for you to learn and take in before you start school in September.”

I asked, “Bridgette, what is the business that you and Steffi have?”

She smiled saying, “We run a consulting business, Intersection of Business and Relations Consulting Corporation.”

“What does a consultant make or do? Why do you need to go to Fordham University if you have your own business?” Cathy looked at me giggled and looked at Bridgette.

“Steffi and I consult with businesses about problems their business has and how to correct and improve them. We also work with people who in their work or family have trouble with relationships.” Bridgette paused and then smiled, “This will be my second graduate degree and I am working towards a doctorate in psychology focusing on relationships in male-dominated societies. Does that help your understanding?”

“Only a little bit, but I don’t think you are surprised. It is like I said before you are a woman of character and learning that I look up to. Will, what you do help me?”

Bridgette paid our bill and Cathy wanted to leave the tip, but Bridgette said, “Cathy, I owe you so much more as well as my deep appreciation friend. And Ashley, you impress me as a young woman with wisdom of her own. Let us go home and begin our new lives together.”

Bridgette called a taxi and it met us at Bridgette’s to give Cathy a ride home. We went upstairs and Bridgette asked me to take a shower and get ready for bed. I had to ask about taking off my makeup before or after my shower. I wasn’t sure what to do with my hair, so Bridgette told me to dry it only partially and then to wrap a towel around it; saying she would help me in a little bit.

When I returned to my bedroom she had made my bed and had the new curtains put up on the lone window. She had my clothes out and folded or hung up and in my closet. She sat me down and finished drying and brushing out my hair. She had me get dressed, in bed, and ready to say goodnight when she realized I was quite scared.

“Ashley, will you be alright being left alone to sleep tonight, or do I need to sleep in here to make sure you are here in the morning?”

I said, “I am so dizzy with all we did, I’m not going anyplace tonight. I wouldn’t know what to do tonight. I can’t promise I won’t run sometime, but I do promise it won’t be tonight.”

“I thought you already agreed to live here as Ashley Riley.” With that, she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I couldn’t help the tears that welled up in my eyes. I said, “Goodnight, and thank you Bridgette; I was afraid I was going to prison.” She turned on a small light in the bathroom and then left my room.

I am not sure but I thought probably an hour had passed before I couldn’t take it anymore. I got up, put on a robe, and walked down to Bridgette’s bedroom. Pulling my blanket, I knocked on her door. I knocked and went in as Bridgette had just walked back into her room from her bathroom. She had a towel wrapped around her hair and was drying herself off. I fell next to her bed, hid my eyes, and cried asking for her forgiveness.

She was soon bent over me, “Yes Ashley, you would do well to wait until you’re invited, but you might as well get up and tell me why you are here. We are both women now so please get over being embarrassed. Especially during the summer, I don’t wear much when I go to bed.” She did put on a thin camisole and panty, though they did not hide much.

She was beautifully endowed but I was surprised as beautiful as her breasts were that they were not as big as I had imagined from magazines and statues I had seen.

She sat me on her bed and told me to get under the covers and move over. “Are you as afraid as you look?” She got into bed but was sitting up so she could listen to me and see my responses. I tried crying into her pillow as I talked. She lifted my head and held me in a warm hug until I regained my composure.

Bridgette encouraged me to trust and confide in her. “I am afraid but it is more about me,” I said. “I liked pretending today, it felt good, but I’m not a girl. You have done so much; I think you are going to become angry with me and then I will be in big trouble.”

“Do you feel guilty about being a girl?” Bridgette continues, “I thought you did very well and it seems like you trusted me and like the idea of being here.”

I say, “But it isn’t normal for a boy to want to live as a girl.”

Bridgette replies, “Was it more normal for a boy to live like a ‘street rat’? No ordinary ten-year-old boy survives below the ground and on the streets of New York City for four years. Are you angry with me because I will only accept you as Ashley Riley?”

“I survived and I became a ‘street rat’; I am proud of that at least I knew who I am. I am not angry with you because you were upfront and honest with me. But I don’t know Ashley Phoenix Riley. It’s probably sick, but I kind of like being a girl and having a bed and home. Who is Ashley Riley? What does it mean to have your name?”

It was the first time I saw in Bridgette something she was not sure of. She paused a good while before she said, “You ask really good questions. I think you chose wisely to become a girl, and are not sick at all. When you called Cathy your Aunt, I knew I didn’t want to be just another Aunt, but you are too young to be my sister. You could be a cousin, but I was scared to say who you are to me. I am scared about saying anything so soon but I would like you to be my daughter.”

She says, “If it is okay with you when you are comfortable in being a girl and in knowing me; I would like to adopt you as my daughter. I don’t want to replace your mother and if we ever find her I will encourage you to be with her as her child. Otherwise, I would love you to be my daughter.”

“But what if I don’t become comfortable being a girl?”

Bridgette cuddles me, “You became Jack and a street person because you felt you had to; I would be really surprised if you don’t become Ashley Phoenix Riley because you want to be her.” I didn’t expect her to know Jack wasn’t my real name. There was something in what she said and she said it before, with her I have the choice to become Ashley.

“What scares you?” I asked.

“Vanity and responsibility, someday I would love to give birth to a child of my own. My vanity says I am too young to have a 14-year-old daughter. Being your guardian and especially the idea of being a mother feels like a lot of responsibility,” Bridgette said with watery eyes. “But somehow I love the idea of being your Mom.”

We just sat there for a while, we talked but mostly we were just together. Finally, Bridgette took me by the hand and led me back to my bed. We said goodnight and again shared a kiss and a hug. “Is it alright,” I asked, “if I consider you my Mom, though I know you are just my foster mom for now?”

She smiled, and squished me, “That would be nice.”

I woke in the morning, having to go to the bathroom. It was light and after the bathroom, I found my way to the kitchen. I met Steffi, but Bridgette; she said was in her office. Steffi was fully clothed, had her hair and make-up done, and was enjoying a cup of coffee. I looked for a clock as she said, “So Sleeping Beauty did you have a good night's sleep?”

“I am Steffi and I hear you are Ashley Riley. Bridgette and I are good friends.” I am not good at guessing ages but I figured Steffi was about two years younger than Bridgette. “Can I make you some breakfast or do you want to get dressed and ready for the day and have lunch?” The various clocks on the stove, microwave oven, and wall all indicated it was just after 10:00 a.m.

“I know you have some shopping and things to do today, but I was wondering if you would like to make some money doing things for us, from time to time.” I was thinking, Jack had a bank account with Officer Roger’s help. What would happen to that money? Bridgette has so far been paying for things. “Every girl wants the freedom to get some things on her own,” Steffi said.

“I don’t mind earning money, but if I am part of this house I don’t expect to get paid for everything,” was my reply.

Bridgette had come in behind me and she said, “Don’t worry you are part of this household and most of what you do here will be because you live here. It will be what I expect of you.” She's carrying some clothing items on hangers. “I have a couple of outfits you could iron and I suspect Steffi too has some outfits for her clients, as this will be an unusual work night.”

“So are you two fashion consultants or something? I haven’t ironed before, what if I damage the clothes.”

“It is something you need to learn to freshen up your own clothes. We will help show you and I expect you to do a very good job without damaging the clothes.” Bridgette told me to finish breakfast and get ready for the day. “We will go out sometime between 1:00 and 2:00. You can ask me or Steffi for help when you are ready to iron.”

“Yes Mom,” I said. Steffi looked at Bridgette with a surprised look and then smiled as she was holding back a giggle.

Looking at Steffl, Bridgette said, “We talked late last night. When she becomes comfortable being a girl, I will seek to adopt her, until then she is already my foster daughter.” Steffi first hugged Bridgette with a warm hug and congratulations. She also gave her a nice kiss which surprised me and caused me to think, until she hugged and kissed me on the cheek.

I was upset as I got dressed that both my hair and make-up were not as I wanted. I had to go and knock on Bridgette’s door. “It looks like you forgot your foundation, so you need to take your make-up off and start again. Get me your styling brush and a comb after that and I will help you with your hair this time. Remind me when we go out, one of the things we need to do is get you a good phone. You might want to check my jewelry for earrings that go with your outfit.”

I actually enjoyed going back and getting things correct since Mom was not treating me like a little girl. She had a bunch of earrings that I liked. While some went with the outfit, most were too flashy or expensive to wear with such a casual outfit.

When I got back with the brush and comb, Bridgette smiled. “Good taste young lady, you remembered to go light on the make-up. I'm surprised we don’t need to go back and change earrings.” Now it was my turn to smile as I pleased her.

When we went to the kitchen the ironing board and iron were set up.

Mom had one of my new skirts and showed me some wrinkles we could iron out of it. Then she had me turn the skirt inside out, and read the fabric and iron information. She had me use a thin cotton kitchen towel to iron over the lining of the skirt. She showed me how to watch for pleats and how to iron them.

The blouses had darts that she pointed out as well as some lacework. The lacework I could leave for her, but the rest was up to me. I did Mom’s outfits but needed to pee before I started on Steffi’s outfits. I found myself naturally sitting down to do what was needed.

When I saw a feminine pad in my bathroom, I was sure it was not there by accident. So I tucked myself back and placed the panty liner in position, but I put it upside down. I wasn’t surprised that it was uncomfortable. My bigger problem was the sticky side caught my short hair and skin. It hurt enough that I wouldn’t make that mistake twice.

I was finishing Steffi’s first outfit when Mom came and said it was time to go. Mom noticed a pained expression on my face and asked, “Did you burn yourself with the iron?”

I said, “No. It isn’t important.” But she insisted on knowing and waited me out. “I had to go to the bathroom, and I was sure for some reason I was to use the pad you left out.” She nodded her head yes. “Well, I used it wrong and it got caught on my hair and skin.” She did her best to restrain herself, but once she giggled, she lost it and so did I.

Mom laughingly said, “That was something we should keep for a memory book.”

“You would have to be cruel to do something like that; it was bad enough I had to tell you. Would your mother do something like that to you?”

Bridgette paused and said, “No she wouldn’t but like me, she was not above threatening to do so.” She hugged me and then said, “Did you correct it on your own or do we still need to do that?”

“I took two steps and she knew what I had done and what I had to do. It’s done but there are a few spots still smarting,” I said. I got my handbag and we were soon on our way. On our way, I asked what about my bank account, as Jack. She said, "We would be setting up a bank account and would need to check about getting into your old account.

Our first stop was for a cell phone. She added me to her account and got me a very good phone. She had enough points or credits that it didn’t cost much. We stopped by Best Buy and she bought me a laptop computer and a good music box. I wanted a TV, DVD player and more but she said we got enough for now.

The next was a medical shop where I was fitted for breast forms: The first pair would be my regular pair of size B breast forms. Another pair was for when I would be active running, swimming, and/or playing volleyball. Bridgette also had me fitted for a vagina-shaped gaff that would require me to pee like a girl. We left there with me wearing the gaff and my regular breast forms. If I had any doubts that my world had changed, they were left behind as I left the medical store.

I practiced walking and sitting during the time it took for all the information to be filled out and the bill paid, I had over a half-hour of walking, sitting, and standing in my transformed body. Wearing them for the remainder of the day was also part of the learning curve. Even breasts fitting a size B bra add an unusual balance of weight to a boy’s body.

It was hard to tell by Bridgette’s smile and conversation how happy she was for me and how pleased she was with herself. I was hoping I was walking like a normal girl, but I knew it was not normal for Jack. Bridgette looked at her watch and said it was time to get to our appointment. We used the subway and went to a big hospital and medical complex.

The building we went into had women and children going in and out of it. We went up to the fourth floor and into a women’s clinic. It had been a long time since I had a real doctor’s appointment and I knew it took a while to get an appointment unless it was an emergency. I was surprised when Bridgette told the receptionist, “We have an appointment for Ashley to see Dr. Reid.”

I'm uncomfortable sitting in the office, pretty sure all the girls and women knew I wasn’t a real girl. Mom handed me an old copy of Seventeen to read. Another girl sat on the other side of me and said hello and started to talk. I thought, ‘Why can’t I get a normal New Yorker who stays to herself.’

She was at least a year younger than me and she said, “This is my first visit to a woman’s doctor, but I bet you’ve had periods for a while and have been here before.”

“This is my first appointment here. This is my foster mom and she just wants me to have a check-up.” I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation. Bridgette looked at her mom and spoke, “Mrs. Turner is it. Don’t you have an older daughter who goes to Beacon High School?” She introduced herself and me saying I was to start at the high school in September.

The nurse called my name and I nodded for Bridgette to come with me. I suspect most 14-year-old girls might not be so quick in doing that, but this was little girl time. Nurse Meg took us back, first getting my weight and height. I had not known but Bridgette had called and visited with her doctor this morning at 7:15 and filled Dr. Reid in on my past.

“Ashley, Dr. Reid wants you to relax and know all her patients are special. So when she treats you as a regular patient, please know, she also sees you as the special person you are. Now I need you to undress and change into one of the exam gowns. I’ll take your vitals and Dr. Reid will be in shortly.”

Their partitioned area and gown were a step above most clinics but it’s still a humbling experience. I looked to my mom asking, "What am I to do?" Most girls aren’t wearing breast forms and um." I changed as I was told and Nurse Megan treated me with the utmost respect and helped me to relax.

Dr. Reid came in and I liked her from the start. She was probably at least 40 years old but she had a warm disposition. The women’s exam gown opened from the front. “Young lady, I hear you have been on the streets for a few years. It is nice to find you in relatively good health though it’s early in the checkup. We will check a few extra things.”

“Tell me any of the times you were in custody did they ever do a good health exam of you?” I thought back but couldn’t remember any. “That may serve to our advantage but that's for later.”

“Ashley, I don’t mean to humble you but we will need to take off your appliances so I can do a complete health check.” Neither Bridgette nor I had the solution to take them off but that was neither a problem nor a need for Dr. Reid. “I am pleased Bridgette that you are treating Ashley age appropriately. Ashley, have you been active sexually? I will be examining you completely so I want you to be truthful up front.”

“Not other than being a normal teen exploring oneself.” I was glad she did not ask me to explain any further. She was very thorough in her physical.

“Bridgette, I suggest you get Ashley to your dentist soon which requires a thorough checkup and as importantly a complete cleaning of her teeth and gums. I will prescribe a nutrition supplement to strengthen her body. I will give her a shot and some medicine to combat the possibility of worms. Being a woman the loss of some growth may not be seen as a hardship. I suspect as a normal male she would likely have been 6’ and possibly taller. Now I think her height will be around 5’ 7” possibly more or an inch less.”

The next six months will tell much about the health and maturing of her organs and her skin tissue to a more normal process and sensitivity for a normal person. Her nutrition has been closer to that of a person in the third world and her skin is like one doing labor underground. Normally puberty would have been more advanced than has happened in her case.”

“Since she is being raised now as a girl I suggest you use a testosterone blocker and that we begin female hormone therapy to help her development. Bridgette, I would suggest the next conversation be between you and me…

… They came back some fifteen minutes later. “Ashley this is something we need not make a quick decision about. But I suspect it should be made soon less we want it to become a more public issue. Your male genitalia have not yet matured and with the blocker, we are planning to use they will not. Thus your penis and sack are no more than fatty tissue that might get in the way of your body’s female development. Presently surgery to remove them would be seen by me as a correction to your body as Ashley.”

“If we would do the surgery, I would petition for your legal identity be that of a girl. If we wait, an institution like your high school would recognize you as a male living as a female. We would then have to wait until you are of the legal age of eighteen to undergo such a process. The use of female hormone therapy would be minimal as would the development of a female body.”

“If you request it then even the use of the male hormone blocker could be prohibited and you might develop as a male while appearing as a female.”

I spoke up as she paused and allowed me to think and speak. “Dr. Reid, you’re saying because of my living underground and how I ate, my body is behind in growing? I am not sure if you are being honest with me or treating me like a guinea pig. You talk of blockers or female therapy.”

Dr. Reid says, “I am caught a bit off guard with your insinuation that we might be treating you as a guinea pig, but knowing you are street savvy and my nature is to be upfront. I think your statements are very good. I am amazed at how well you have continued to learn and develop as you have.”

“You could ask Bridgette to take you to a different doctor for a second opinion or the development of your male body. I would not treat you as a guinea pig or less than I should in any instance. But if you graduate from high school as Ashley in four years, I am speaking about the possibility of you doing so legally as a female. I stated I do not want you to decide that today, but like you, I am honest and upfront.”

My exam continued and though I was hoping it didn’t show I was excited about the possibility of being a female. I did ask, however, “If we did the surgery and I wanted to take part in sports or other things where my gender might be questioned, would I pass such an exam?”

Bridgette moved closer to me and took my hand and we looked to Dr. Reid. “It would depend on the development of your own body in producing hormones and how much hormone therapy you will need in the future. But even then, based on medical necessity and you being legally identified as a female you should pass under most guidelines.”

Dr. Reid with Nurse Meg’s help put my appliances back on and used foundation and makeup to cover the seams. When I realized the whole appointment took well over an hour I thanked the doctor. “Dr. Reid, I believe you and you seem to understand for a street rat trust does not come easy. I never heard of a doctor giving so much time to a patient.”

“Well, Miss Ashley I am glad I did. I already have a deep respect for Bridgette and am thankful now to be able to say the same for you. I do not presume what you will decide, but I know you have an understanding of what I said.”

Next Bridgette and I went for a late lunch and then to a bank and started bank accounts in my name. I tried their ATM to check the balance in my Jack account. It was just over $230 which was very good. But my ATM card was down in Jack’s hole. I wanted to talk about the possibility of surgery but Bridgette was now mindful of the clock and her responsibilities for the evening.

We got back home and I helped fix the dining room for six people but was told I would not be part of the evening. I watched over part of the preparations Steffi and Bridgette took turns in dressing up for their working dinner. What I didn’t understand was why they were planning for the dinner not to be ready when the people first came.

I excused myself near the times they expected their clients to come. I was surprised because only one set of outfits could have possibly fitted one of the women. I was anxious to see them when they left; to see if either of them were wearing the clothes home. But Bridgette later told me in the kitchen she did not want me spying on her guests. I was to be up in my room as she had given me a reading assignment.

Even when the women spoke I could not understand what they were saying but their voices had happy tones as one enjoying the evening. I was proud as my high respect for Bridgette was underscored.

The following day was unusual as Steffi was working at home and Bridgette needed to visit a corporate customer. She said I needed to go with her and be a good young lady for a few hours though it would probably be boring. I knew she did not trust me to leave me alone.

We went to one of the corporate offices in Manhattan not far from Times Square. I knew if I got away from her I had a good chance of getting away. She introduced me to a guy named Willie before we went in. “Ashley to take the temptation away from you, I want you to know of one person I have helping me today. He and others at his disposal are streetwise like you.”

Bridgette and I went up to the company’s offices beginning on the 40th floor. Bridgette was meeting with the head of accounting and the corporate VP of some divisions. They were outwardly very warm and cordial to her, but the division VP seemed a bit anxious. I was presented to the head of the support staff of the financial department.

Bridgette told her, "She's not to go anyplace; she's to do some reading I've given her." The woman was very nice and we visited for much of the morning. She was delightfully surprised that Bridgette would take up the responsibility of being a foster parent. “Our department has great respect for you foster mom. She's quite the professional and she has saved this corporation from going under or being sold out.”

“I know not everyone is pleased to see her; most executives think they can intimidate women and have a way of talking down to them. That is not the case with Miss Riley. I know two of our salesmen were on their way out and their marriages were on the rocks but they used Bridgette to give them a new sensitivity and outlook on how they work with others.”

Sandra called Bridgette, to come at 12:30, to get approval for her to take me to lunch. Bridgette instead had her order food for the three of us brought in. She handed information she wanted Sandra to type up on a CD and copy some documents. We had a good lunch and without Bridgette’s knowing she had another office woman show me around the offices and visit with me as she needed to get more work done.

On our way home Bridgette had us go past the Beacon High School on 61st Street and shared it was the high school I would be going to. “Come next week we should register you for the coming year,” she said. “You and I need to talk about what Dr. Reid said and if you want to go as a boy living as a girl as the minimum I require or if we are going to go a step further.”

I waited until we were home and asked for a cup of tea and time to talk.

“You’re asking me if I want the surgery to become fully a girl, aren’t you? Well, I want to know that you two aren’t bluffing me. I have a new life and my likelihood of a meaningful life is with high school education. I don’t view things with the same importance as most. Being alive is better than being dead; having a future is different than just surviving. I would like to go to school; I would like the luxury of playing sports or learning an instrument. Being a boy or girl means different things for me than most people.”

“Last week I assumed I was a guy and being a girl wasn’t imaginable, though every time I remember my sisters I imagined it. Dr. Reid made it an attractive and a real possibility.” I stopped talking and just hugged my Mom. She knew I was ready to cry, so she held me there and just said, “Go ahead cry, when you're ready.” I had a good cry and she handed me tissues.

She giggled and then said, “That mascara does hold up well under tears.” While it did blot off, the mascara had not run down my whole face. If you’re a boy you may think it’s not a big deal. A girl, on the other hand, can appreciate it and would like to know the brand.

“Mom, if I said yes to the surgery, it would be important to me that you don’t think I’m some kind of creep or stupid enough to do it just because of sports.”

Mom laughed as Aunt Cathy came walking through the kitchen door. “What are you two talking about that has Bridgette laughing and you saying something about sports?”

I caught Cathy and Mom by surprise and said, “We’re talking about me pretending to be a girl or trying to be a real girl. I think trying to go to high school as a student is going to be tough since I haven’t been in school since fourth grade. It will be hard enough without worrying if ‘I’ve got a secret’ is going to catch up to me. My boy parts aren’t really working so it is possible to get them surgically removed as a medical necessity to Ashley’s development. Do you follow what I am saying?”

Now Bridgette and I were rolling in laughter as Aunt Cathy was wondering what in the world she heard. We both got up and hugged Cathy. Bridgette told her to close her mouth and helped her to sit down.

When Aunt Cathy came around Mom explained our visit to the doctor and the possibility that emerged. It was a very good visit because Cathy gave some good challenges to why we should not be doing what we were considering. We talked and Cathy changed her mind. “I think I see the emergence of Ashley Phoenix Riley.”

Earlier in the week, I had no appreciation for my new middle name other than it was pretty. I have since used my new computer to find the Phoenix was a mythical bird in Greek mythology and similar beliefs arose in many of the civilizations around the world.

I could tell Phoenix as well as Ashley and Riley was special to Bridgette; she smiled and hugged me. Steffi came in and we were having a good visit when Mom asked me to go and get ready for bed. I was taken by my new appearance as I showered. I did some exploring, but again and again, wondered how my new girl parts would respond if they were real.

After my shower, I enjoyed taking care of my hair and skin. I put on my nightgown and robe and went back out to the family room. Only Steffi is out there, Cathy is in with Mom. Steffi said they were doing something special but would not elaborate.

“Steffi, can I ask you a question?” She nodded her approval which she would quickly regret. “Do girl parts respond to touches and thoughts like male parts,?I asked. She was quickly at a loss for words. “Well, maybe you can tell me if they only respond to men touching them, or could it be another woman?”

She had picked up her phone and texted someone. Then she told me, “I’m not sure if I am the one who should be talking to you about things like that.” I apologized and in a few minutes, Mom and Cathy came back out. Mom was more casually dressed and Cathy was fixing her hair. Mom’s explanation was she was showing Cathy some of her more recent outfits.

Mom asked what we were talking about and while I hesitated, Mom encouraged me to share.

“Well, I asked some questions that Steffi said I should be talking about with you.” They were a bit amused as I explained how my new appliances made me look so much more like a real girl. Mom and Cathy seemed okay with that so I decided to ask my questions again.

“Mom, do girl parts respond to touches and thoughts like male parts? I asked Steffi if they only responded to a man or could another woman cause her to have an orgasm?” All three smirked but held back their responses.

“Ashley, you know how I have commented on how good the questions are that you ask? Well, you and I will also need to talk about what you say or ask in private and in public.”

“I understand that Mom but I am now confused because we have talked about several things with Cathy and or Steffi as though we were in private. I am sorry if I embarrassed myself or you.” I had gotten up and was about to cry and I tried to excuse myself. Mom hugged me. Cathy and Steffi also came up and they gave me a group hug. “I’m also sorry Steffi couldn’t have been in there with you. I know you are worried that someone needs to watch me.”

“It is me, young lady, who owes you an apology, and I want you to know how proud I am of you,” Mom said. Cathy and Steff agreed with my mom that they thought I was doing very well.

Aunt Cathy said, “Ashley, you need to know that we too are on a steep learning curve with you. We might not always know what to say, or even when not to speak. We love you and you are already precious to us.”

Mom suggested that I get off to bed as she was going to say goodbye to Cathy. Steffi indicated she was going to her living area. I was on my way to my room when I looked back and saw Bridgette and Cathy sharing a warm goodbye kiss. I went to my room and began to read hoping Mom would come in to say goodnight before I got too sleepy.

It was probably a half-hour before Mom came into my room to say goodnight. “I bet having a teenager puts a crimp into the life of a single young woman like you.” Mom smiled sat on the edge of my bed and squeezed my hands.

“Life has changed a lot for both of us this week, but if I could go back I wouldn’t change it. You already were quite a person before I met you and I think you are going to be a fantastic young woman.” Expressions changed like she was switching gears, “It would take more time to answer your questions than I have tonight. I am sorry but I need to spend some business time on the computer before I call it a night.”

“Mom, I know I have a lot of growing and a lot of time ahead of me. I can be patient but there is one thing. I hope you know, I am serious about wanting to be a real girl. I hope we can talk about that tomorrow.”

---

 
 
To Be Continued...
 

 

 

---

Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image are in / and are in no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

---

 
 
Chapter 3
 
I slept well and woke up before 7:00 a.m. I didn’t know what kind of exercises girls do but decided today was a girl day and I would be learning. I knew Bridgette might be exercising so I pulled on some shorts, a top, and cross-trainers and went to check out her exercise room. Luckily as Mom was still there.

Mom was happy to see me there without making a big fuss as she knew I needed the exercise. She suggested some stretches and then asked what I wanted to do. I decided to use the treadmill as I did not yet know where in the neighborhood was safe to run. Mom reminded me she had gotten me a set of special breast forms as well as a sports bra.

“Mom, I’m not planning to work out a lot; wouldn’t it be okay if I did it just like this today?” Mom smiled and murmured about me learning, as she left the room. I felt I won that decision. Fifteen minutes into my 30-minute program on the treadmill, I learned a lesson. Though they were not real breasts and they're hurting my chest holding them. I was only able to withstand another five minutes of running.

I was cooling down when Mom popped her head in, “How goes your exercisesing?”

“You knew I should have listened to you, didn’t you?” She stopped in and congratulated me for working out and did not rub my nose in my mistake. I asked, “Would it be okay if I took off my breast forms until we go to the dentist?”

Mom responded, “I don’t think so, it would look gross for a girl to walk around without her breasts. I can’t do it. Sometimes, when you develop your breasts and they hurt, taking them off won’t be an option. Suck it up little boy and be a girl about it.” I knew she was proud of saying that. “Maybe that will make you change your mind about that surgery.”

“It teaches me something, but it just reinforces there's a lot to learn to become a girl.” I tried to hug Mom with my sweaty body. I thought it was a neat guy thing to do to get back at her.

She stepped back turned me around and gave me a smack on the butt, “Go take a shower, and quit trying to get even.” The shower felt good, even my sore chest felt a little better. I looked at my breasts with some wonder if I'd get used to them.

I picked out a nice pink bra and panty set and after I was dressed, I realized my bra showed through the blouse. I stepped back and took a second look. Instead of changing, I went down to the kitchen to ask Mom’s opinion.

Mom and Steffi were there when I asked about my bra showing through. Mom did something I disliked and answered my question with a question. “Ashley, what is your thought on how you are dressed?”

“I think it looks cute and it isn’t inappropriate. But the street rat in me doesn’t want to give the wrong impression.”

Mom smiled, “I agree with you that it is appropriate, but I am a little surprised you are willing to show your feminine side like that. I don’t want you to go out and be embarrassed.” Mom poured me some juice and tea and handed me a bowl of cereal. “You are looking more feminine every day. Your hips have already begun to fill out."

I enjoyed listening to Mom and Steffi’s conversation. It was like being in a girls’ locker room. I knew part of the conversation would not have been shared if I had been there as Jack. I was like a younger girl listening to learn from the bigger girls I admired. I felt good about my nipples budding and my breasts beginning to grow. My hair was long and had natural curls and waves to it. A texture and sheen came into my hair the longer I took better care of it. I liked brunettes before and I enjoy being a brunette even more.

I enjoyed getting ready for the day. I brushed my hair two different ways before deciding which look I wanted today. The same with my makeup not liking the first combination I tried. I redid it twice. I looked at my nails and decided it was time to take off the old and put on a new coat, but what color? I hoped I would get more girl sense so I did not take so much time.

With the clothes I was wearing and the makeup I had on, I found a nice rich plum color. I had both the nail polish and matching lipstick of the shade and color I wanted. ‘Thanks, Aunt Cathy.’

I went to Mom’s office where she was working. Here I was fourteen having a crush on my Mom as her little girl. I was proud of my Mommy. I had my reading book and I decided to sit and read where I could look up and see her.

Mom stopped, looked, and then asked what I was doing. I replied, “Since I am fourteen I thought I would just sit and read. If I had a piece of paper and colors I would draw and color you a picture to show how proud I am of my Mommy.

Mom opened up a drawer of her desk pulled out some crayons, took a sheet of paper from her copier, and handed them to me. With only the slightest pause, I plopped down on the floor like a little girl working on my first picture. I drew and colored one of her at her desk. The other was a picture of us outside playing on a bright sunny day.

I showed the pictures to her as she finished her work just after 10:00. The one of her at the desk she kept in her office under a clear mat on her desk and the other went to her bedroom. Mom changed and freshened up her makeup and looked sharp. She wore a flattering sundress that complimented our appearance together.

“You enjoy helping me to feel good about being a girl don’t you?” I asked.

“I’m not usually going out of my way to do it, but yes, I do enjoy it. Now let’s get going and have your teeth and smile checked.” It was a short walk to the subway and over to our, dentist. We passed one of my alternative routes to my old nest underground. I shared that with Mom when we got to the dentist. Mom asked if I would show it to her after our appointment.

I agreed to consider it, but the focus, for now, was our appointment. “Don’t the two of you look good together,” commented Sara the receptionist.

“I’ll reserve my judgment about being here,” I said. We waited a few minutes before the dental hygienist called me back. She was friendly as well as professional and helped me to relax. I shared, “I’ve been a runaway on the streets and it’s been at least five years since my last dental check.”

“Ashley, I’m Jenna and I am going to give you a quick check, then the dentist will check for cavities and other possibilities and I suspect I will be back to give you a thorough cleaning. I hope you are not overwhelmed, but I do want you to speak up. Please, let me know how you are as you go through all of this.”

I looked up and she knew I was nervous. I apologized and Jenna patted my hand. “Relax, for all you have been through I think you are doing well. We’re happy that you are here.” It wasn’t fun having her work her way through my mouth however it was more uncomfortable than painful.

D.D.S. Johnson, the dentist, came in and my mom was called back in as he inspected camera pictures before and after. He found four, no five cavities, the last one just beginning. One of the cavities also had chipped and cracked. He suspected an infection so he decided an x-ray was needed to know the full situation.

“Ashley and Bridgette, Ashley’s teeth have suffered from her being on the streets and her bad nutrition; there may be a need for some caps and other work down the road. I am prescribing a special rinsing mouthwash to be used at least for the next month. It should both attack any unusual bacteria and germs as well as give her teeth and gums a healthy environment to become well.”

Jenna will give Ashley a thorough cleaning, including the removal of the plaque build-up along with a whitening treatment. Then I will be back and we will go after two of the cavities and the one with the crack. I can numb your whole mouth now or wait and just do the teeth with the cavities,” he said.

I opted for shots for just the two teeth, but I asked for headphones to listen to music as she worked. Jokingly Jenna said, “If you try to sing I will need to take the music away.” It became a long appointment with the cleaning. It got fairly uncomfortable and as I was saying “Enough!” Jenna had me sitting up and rinsing my mouth.

She had me use a mouthwash that showed areas needing more attention. Ten minutes later I was done with the cleaning and ready for Dr. Johnson. He gave me two shots and time for them to take effect. He even took an added effort to match the filling enamel to my teeth. I complained, “Are you doing that just to gouge my mom’s bill?”

“Most girls,” he smirked, “get upset if I don’t match them well enough.” I cooled my jets. I already got a glimpse of my whiter teeth and was now realizing that I had been smiling without showing my teeth. I knew as nice as part of me looked attractive, my teeth weren’t pretty.

As Dr. Johnson finished up, I realized my lips were numb and felt swollen and fat. “Mom, I can’t leave like this. I can’t talk right and I probably look a fright.”

Dr. Johnson with Jenna’s help got me to look at my teeth to see how much better they looked. They had just taken another set of pictures of my teeth. They looked like before and after the advertisement. Yes, my lips were numb and unresponsive and I wasn’t looking or feeling my best. But that would be going away. However, my teeth were whiter and would be staying that way. When I felt better, I could now smile and show my teeth. Dr. Johnson even took care of the new little would-be cavity, so I only had two more cavities to have taken care of.

On my way out, after Jenna helped me clean up, she gave me a pep talk. I was passing by Dr. Johnson and I gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you, Dr. Johnson, you gave me something to smile about.”

“I thought you said I was gouging your Mom making extra money at your expense,” he said.

“You don’t have much of a sense of humor to know when a girl is only joking,” I responded.

Mom took me by the hand telling me, “Enough with the cute girly stuff, you are getting more dangerous every day. Maybe being a girl isn’t such a good idea.” She looked out to the side; I saw a smirk and knew she was having fun with me.

“Who’s teasing now?” I asked. Mom took me home, and on the way, I showed her one of the doorways to my hole-in-the-wall home.

Then she went to a local market for some fresh vegetables to make me some homemade soup. She gave me a recipe for bread and an apron. She guided me through the process of making my first loaf of homemade bread. It is funny as I am having to develop a taste for natural and homemade food. I knew I was raised with it, but I had become used to the abundance of salt and sugar vendors use. More often than not, I picked garbage cans for edible food.

Back then a special meal had become McD's, hot dogs from a corner vendor or something left behind.

Mom had me make a double recipe of bread with the second loaf having more time for the leaven to work its way through. Where the one was ready to eat come 4:00, the second loaf didn’t go into the oven until 6:00 p.m. And while I was baking the first loaf, Mom called Cathy and asked her to bring a bottle of wine. Mom and I sliced some cheese.

When Cathy arrived, we were preparing the table, and Cathy kept asking what was different. Consistently she would turn back and look at me. “Something is different damn it! What is it?” I was grinning with a wide smile as Mom teased Cathy about being a better aunt. Finally, we placed in front of her, the before and after teeth pictures. “Wow, young lady. I would have thought I would have noticed your teeth being like that. You weren’t smiling with showing your teeth before were you?”

I confessed, “I didn’t realize it either. I guess I do remember around twelve people noticing. After that, I kept my mouth shut when I smiled.” So many things I learned as a street rat. I remembered an exhibit in Central Park and someone trying to say how nice the rats were. I told people to look at the teeth of the street rats. The rat had been sprayed down and washed, but the teeth of a street rat were stained and ugly. They grossed out most children, especially girls and women.

We put aside the conversation and it was at least 15-20 minutes before we started into our soup supper. I got into our time with the candlelight, soup, cheese, and bread. They had wine which I am sure made it just a bit nicer, but Mom said no.

Mom told me Cathy was staying over and they were going out the following night. Mom wanted to know if I felt safe staying home alone. “Since I don’t have any personal friends yet going out is not an option and neither is running away or going back looking like this.” I teared up and Mom asked what was up and I said, “I’ll tell you when you tuck me in tonight.”

I took an even greater interest in caring for my skin and self with the sparkle of my whiter teeth. Dr. Johnson said I wasn’t out of the woods for my teeth to develop problems. He thought I would do well if I took good care of them.

I was up reading a new book “If I Should Stay” when Mom came in. First, she asked about the book. “It wasn’t on my must-read list a month ago, but it’s a good book if one gets into it and I have. I can relate to it some with my past.” I didn’t mention that deep down it was disturbing me.

Mom sat on the bed and took my hand, “So what were the tearful eyes about?”

“Mom, you know you’re good at that don’t you,” I told her.

“Good at what?” she asked. I seriously think she was asking.

“Being a Mom, you said you were scared or worried about the responsibility. But you’re good at looking after me; you get me to do things like baking bread and you’re sensitive to me as your daughter. The visit to the dentist kind of made me realize how close I had become to being like an animal. And I was worried about being a girl.”

“I have nightmares, but some are during the day; like when I see other street people, or when images pop in my head. Will, that pass?” Mom hugged me and as she held me, she comforted me.

“If we need to we will get help; Ashley you won’t be alone in this. I hope you know I am here for you,” Mom said with tears as she kissed my head.

“I not only know Mom, but I can also feel your love. I am lucky to have you. ...Don’t you need to get with Cathy?”

“What do you mean by that young lady?”

“Mom, you know what I mean. If you aren’t going to spend some time together, what’s the point? I’m not naive,” I said.

It was about 3:00 a.m. and Mom was again holding me and Cathy was trying to comfort me too. I guess I had a nightmare and they came into my room. I had a dream that I was Jack back in my hole and I saw my teeth in a broken piece of mirror, and they looked like rats' teeth. I looked at my fingers and my nails looked like rats' claws. I opened my eyes and I was crying, even though I knew I was safe and not Jack.

It took a while for me to relax and catch my breath, and even longer to become calm. Mom was going to lay with me and Cathy was going to sleep on the floor. I took my comforter and pillow and went to Mom’s room and I laid down on the floor. They were down with me on the floor helping me not to be afraid.

I was interested in Mom and Cathy but I relaxed and let myself fall to sleep. I woke at 8:00 a.m., Mom was dressed and Cathy was dressing. I felt a little uncomfortable until Cathy pushed me into Mom’s bathroom to take a shower. I dried off and used Mom’s robe to go back to my room.

It was a good day, so Mom suggested we pack and go upstate for the weekend. We went up to Newburgh and Storm King State Park. Mom guessed right that I hadn’t much experience with nature. We were upstate to Newburgh and checked in a resort hotel before noon. We changed into jeans and went down to the river. Mom rented a nice motorboat and with a cooler of food and drinks, we were on our way down the river to the Storm King State Park.

We were a ways from West Point but as we got closer to the state park a few we passed were West Pointers. While the scenery was beautiful, I felt engulfed by nature, and seeing guys as a girl was new to me. The boy part made me feel strange in disturbing ways.

I hadn’t noticed before but there were some skis inside the boat. When Mom stopped the boat, Cathy had her hair tied back, she took the skis to the back of the boat and put them on. Mom opened a compartment, pulled out a long rope tied one end to the boat, and threw out the other.

Cathy was in the water and pulling the rope until she got the handle end. Then some guys pulled up close in another boat and one asked, “Do you pretty girls need some help?”

Mom said, “No, but you can stay here and watch if you want.” She gently powered the boat forward, taking up the slack. When Cathy waved, Mom powered the boat picking up speed as Cathy came up. Mom took Cathy skiing about five minutes across the lake as we moved down the river. I think the guys thought we were coming back.

Mom stopped the boat, stripped down to her swimsuit tied back her hair, and changed positions with Cathy. Mom was also a good skier and the last time we approached a shore, Mom let go of the rope and all but made it to land.

I pulled the rope back in as Cathy docked the boat. Mom tied up one end and Cathy tied off the other. I handed Mom the cooler before I got out. Cathy had a day bag of stuff and we made it over to a picnic table. Mom and Cathy put on some cut-offs and tops, and we all sprayed ourselves with repellent. Then we ate lunch and we rehydrated ourselves. We went for a hike sometimes staying on paved or wood chip paths and sometimes we took a shortcut over rocks and woods to catch the trail at another point.

My male ego was hitting a new low as I looked watching Bridgette. Not only was she pretty and intelligent but she was also in better physical shape than I was. I had thought as a street person I was tough and in good shape. I used to run for blocks when I was being chased. The most was ten blocks though it often included going up flights of steps or down three levels underground.

We had now been hiking for a good hour, taking time to look at deer tracks and see various animals and birds. The scenery itself was beautiful and as we rose over the river valley it got amazingly more beautiful. Bridgette would come over and give me a hug when I discovered something new. She knew I was delighted with what I saw. Cathy was collecting what she called Kodak moments.

It was when we saw a black bear cub down the trail that we all thought it was time to turn back. It was a cute thing to see, but they knew we did not want to see the mother bear in the wild. We went back down the trail until it would have turned back. We found it fun but challenging to make our way down a level or two. I usually followed down after Cathy or Mom as I was more apt to keep my balance and dignity that way.

Mom once had us off a trail to find another trail which she said would be shorter. Just when I was sure we were lost; it became evident we finally reached the other trail. It included a thirty-foot section where an underground spring surfaced and went down a smooth rock surface. She made me get on the rock with my socks and butt to glide down. It was cool and fun but left me with a wet pair of pants and panties that soon became uncomfortable.

“That was for not wearing your swimsuit under your clothes,” she laughed. We made it down to our table and were packing our stuff to leave. Another camper came over and we got into a discussion. The next thing I knew, Mom called me over as she reached into the day bag and pulled out my suit.

“Ashley, this is Mrs. Hampton and she has permitted you to change for our boat trip back to Newburgh. Please go to their trainer and be back quickly and make sure to be courteous please.” Mrs. Hampton, older than Bridgette, took me over to their large RV trailer with several wideouts.

“My girls probably would be willing, but just in case I will just have you change in my bedroom in the back. Please make sure you don’t leave the things you are changing out of and let me check before you go back.”

I didn’t have any comparison except it was the largest and newest trailer I had seen. The three children reminded me of those coming out of the best hotels, except these were friendlier. I got changed and one daughter and Mrs. Hampton walked with me down to the boat. Katherine, the daughter saw that I was going to be water skiing and asked if she could ski as well. She did not have a swimsuit on but shorts and a top that could make due. Though, they were a bit nice to be doing as such.

Mom and Cathy looked and consulted with me if it would be alright. We were going to take her out but Mrs. Hampton wanted Raleigh to do it. Seemingly he was their driver and helper in many things. Mom said, “It would be better for us if she and Ashley took turns and shared being together. If you want Raleigh, Ashley can ski as we head back.”

Mrs. Hampton gave in and while we used their boat, it was Mom who drove the boat and Raleigh who gave the instructions. Katherine went first and she had told me what to look for as she skied. She was up on her second try and did well.

When I tried I failed three times straight and was ready to give up. Katherine encouraged me to keep trying until I was skiing. I made it 30 seconds the fourth time and stayed up the fifth time. Katherine was as giddy as I was, I appreciated that. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a friend. Katherine seemed to know something as we exchanged addresses, phone numbers, Facebook, and email. Raleigh said he made an exception to the rules for me, whatever that meant.

We were on there another good hour before we went back and almost another hour before we headed upriver to Newburgh. I was impatient until Katherine took me aside to visit. She asked me if I was interested in going to a prep school or coming overnight. We agreed to the latter sometimes.

Katherine told me that they knew Bridgette and she was known to come over. "Bridgette is a business friend of our dad. 'My Dad credits her with making him a better father. Somehow she helped him in the family business. The Dad was like the black sheep. It wasn't that he didn’t want to be part of ‘The Hamptons’ but he did want more respect. I think he got that with Bridgette's help and he’s more happy and loving to us.”

Back on the river, I asked, “What river is this anyway?” When Mom told me it was the Hudson River I cringed because the City was so badly polluted. “No way, you would have us skiing and swimming in the Hudson River? Yuck!”

Cathy explained, “Being up the river the City the pollution isn’t anywhere near the same. Remember coming down the river you did not experience polluted water. We were out on the river and Bridgette asked me to get out and enjoy skiing some more. It was nice as I was up on the first try and while I didn’t do big turns I enjoyed skiing. Going against the current wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.

Some West Pointers were on the river and they came with one skiing over to me. He said something and I fell into the water. I guess I played into his ego. I guess he asked me to let go so we could meet.

He too let go and did a better job in getting out of his skis. He had me in his arms and I can’t say I felt bad in his arms. The nice part about having breast forms I could only feel his touches on nice areas. Our boat was soon around and Mom told him he should mind how he treats a fourteen-year-old teenager.

He helped me out of my skis and helped me to the boat. He apologized but shared he was the younger brother of one of the cadets and was only seventeen himself. I was still next to him and asked, "What would you say if I jumped you? He did not respond so I latched on to him and gave him a big kiss.

I was soon into our boat and on our way back to Newburgh. “Mom, when we were around those guys, their eyes kept going to you two. What is a girl supposed to do when she isn’t as pretty or gifted as those around her?”

“Ashley, I thought you weren’t a real girl; so why questions like these,” she giggled. “One thing every woman needs to learn if she is going to be at peace with herself is… There will always be someone better looking or who does not measure up according to someone else’s standards. You need to find peace with yourself.” Cathy took over driving the boat as Mom continued to visit with me.

“Ashley, do you know what The Bem Inventory is? I encouraged one of your counselors to give it to you as well as Officer Rog and your counselor to fill it out in regards to how they saw you. All three results saw you as a very mature person who has the characteristics of being male and female. The short time we already have had together indicates you are indeed quite capable and are a feeling person.”

“I share this because while becoming a young woman may not be the easiest journey; I think it suits you well. Your mixture of thoughts, feelings, and experiences in growing into who you are is comforting to me.” I interrupted Bridgette.

“Did you already know about me following you or me being a street person?” I asked. She acknowledged yes, she did. “Which did you know?”

“Both and more, when we literally ran into each other at Fordham and briefly talked. ...Officer Roger and I know each other. Besides knowing you were following me as a lovable street rat, I also knew you were lost in the system. You were destined to get hurt, die on the streets, or like a rat carcass be found in your hole…”

That was pretty crass for Bridgette, but I knew she felt it needed to be said. “Over time I came to care about you and it hurt to think about what might happen. If you didn’t take my offer I would have found someone to advocate for you.”

“What made you think you could help me to be a healthy girl? Pardon me but you don’t look like a young Dr. Frankenstein.” She and Cathy both laughed as I said it.

“It is a bit of what I do and what I am studying for. I can’t see you as a patient or client, but I can accept you as my foster daughter. If I helped you I wanted you to walk away to nothing, nor did I want to let go. Ethically I can’t be your parent and your counselor.”

“But as a parent, you can guide my growth.”

Bridgette emotionally broke, “I was just to be your guardian, I didn’t intend to come to love you as a Mom. I was pretty sure before that might ever become an issue; I would have found a good home for you.” Cathy brought the boat to a halt and dropped the anchor. She wanted to be there for us.

I scooted next to Cathy and put my head on her shoulder and she wrapped an arm around me. “Aunt Cathy” … my voice was choking with emotion. “Am I lucky or stupid to trust her?”

Her two arms hugged me “You are very special and not at all stupid; I don’t even like that word… I have known Bridgette for over 5 years. I never expected to see someone find their way into her heart as she has taken you.”

I sank to the floor of the boat on my knees and placed my head in Bridgette’s lap. “And she did something harder. She found her way into my heart. I like people but I never thought I would trust or love one. I so much want to be your daughter, but I am still afraid that I am hoping for too much.”

Several boaters called over asking if things were alright, but now it was out of sincere interest for us. We started back for shore and got to our hotel. It was on the side of a hill with a nice overlook of the river.

I took a shower to get dressed for dinner, I still wondered how hard I needed to clean myself having been in the Hudson River. As the sun was still up I noticed how much bluer the sky was. I checked on Bridgette and Cathy to see how they were dressing for the evening. I determined the red miniskirt and the embroidered cotton top would serve me well.

It was a very nice restaurant we went to. A very nice family night spot even with teenagers with two adults of the same sex was part of the primary clientele. I could see that off from the main eating area there was a dance area with a band setting up. Cathy was hooked onto Bridgette’s arm as we were escorted to our table. The hostess knew both Bridgette and Cathy by name and did her best to learn mine by the time we were seated.

She agreed to order Mom and Cathy’s drinks and told me they had a non-alcoholic drink that was ordered for me. Salads were soon brought with the drinks. I ordered the cordon blue on a bed of wild rice with asparagus. Mom was impressed, while I saw it as a simple chicken dish with a vegetable that was priced high.
.
The white grape juice fizzed in my face and was sweet, I wanted more but knew it was expensive. When the waitress asked if I wanted another glass, I asked if it cost extra. The waitress had a hard time keeping a straight face at my question. I remembered one of the guys underground, Cody, who said: “The rich enjoyed others showing how ignorant we are.” Suddenly I felt nervous and got up and left the table and went outside the restaurant.

Bridgette was there shortly, I was near the car hoping she would let me sit and stay inside. “Ashley, what happened?” I apologized to Mom about ordering the asparagus because it was an expensive vegetable and then worrying about ordering the second drink if it cost extra. Mom didn’t laugh at me. “You know I have enough money and wouldn’t mind, didn’t you? This must be very unreal for you.”

“Mom I feel stupid, knowing I don’t belong here.”

“Honey, Cathy shared that she didn’t like the word ‘stupid’ and neither do I. I think it holds the power of an image wrongly placed on someone by others. Words like ‘stupid and dummy’ often do more harm than curse words; they tend to rob a person of dignity. Please respect yourself and value my love as being more important and stop it from robbing you.”

“Mom, am I going to grow out of being scared and crying like a little girl who needs a hug?”

“Yes, but hopefully there will be a time when you don’t worry if you are moved to tears. Did Jack, ever want to cry?”

“Yes, but even when I felt safe in my hole I usually was too scared to cry. It’s not safe for a guy to show he's weak: he’s going to be beaten, robbed, and left in the gutter.” I was shaking as Mom took hold of me until the fear subsided.

“Come, young lady, let’s go to the lady’s room and repair some stuff.” I didn’t have my purse so Mom called Cathy to bring it to the restroom. Guys would mind doing that if they were asked. I went to the toilet and when I came out I repaired my face.

A girl next to me commented, “You’re pretty, but even better you have someone who cares about you.” I smiled and thanked her. We both smiled as we closed our makeup kits and took our purses.

My glass was there full but my plate was gone. I ordered a piece of apple pie ala-mode. Cathy asked, “Is it okay if we stay for a while so Bridgette and I can dance.”

I jokingly asked, “Are you dancing with each other, or are you going to dance with others?”

“Possibly both, but I want to dance with Bridgette.” A smirk went off my face as I thought I had them, all figured out.

Once during the night, two guys came over asking Mom and Cathy for a dance, but Mom asked them to go over to the dance floor ahead of them. Cathy asked two other guys to go over and dance with them. The second two must have been persuasive as the other men danced with them before leaving for the night.

I saw the girl from the lady’s room and worked up the nerve to ask her to dance while her two adults were dancing. She said, “I don’t usually dance with other girls.” I underscored the word ‘usually” and held out my hand hoping tonight was unusual and it was. Most of our dances were faster, but two were slow, and most of all, allowed us to visit.

Her mom was already a couple with her lover. Cassie said, “It was a big adjustment when I was six.” She told me “My dad has another wife, but once other children came, I didn’t fit into their family except for holidays. My mom, Carol, and I live between here and the City, but they come up here at least once a month. It is LBGT-friendly. I come with them some of the time and I usually enjoy being here.”

“What’s your story?” Cassie asked me. When I said she wouldn’t believe it, she dared me.

I was uncomfortable but finally shared, “I’m a street kid and I am trying to become a real girl.” She led me through our discussion, pulling out more than I thought I would ever share. “There are so many things that come naturally to a girl that I never thought of before I began to live like me.” Cassie smiled as I confessed, “I like my girl parts, but it’s frustrating that they aren’t real or having the feeling. And because of my nutrition on the street, my guy stuff has never started to, ...well you know.”

Cassie played naíve, “I don’t know, what didn’t they do? Do you think I could tease them into starting? …I was just kidding I know I like Ashley, but I’m not sure I would be friends with Jack-of…”

I’m glad I am Ashley but I don’t take too well to people even joking about Jack. Our conversation cooled for a bit but it came back around before I went back with Cathy and Bridgette. The four adults agreed it would be nice to get together for a late breakfast around 9:30 or 10:00.

I hoped to be away from the city I would relax and not have trouble sleeping. My ears are sensitive, and during the night hearing, people in the hall reminded me of hearing noises in the abandoned subway. The good news was I was restless but didn’t have any nightmares or panic attacks.

The next few days passed fast and Wednesday morning we saw Dr. Johnson, not at her office, but at an outpatient surgical center. The reconstruction surgery was scheduled for two weeks. Today my extra tissue would be surgically removed.

I was surprised how much my male parts had changed in just nine days of being on the testosterone blockers and having the gaff. The gaff had to come off Monday night, now my penis did look like flabby tissue.

It didn’t immediately look pretty or girl-like as Dr. Hanson had to leave some tissue and tuck it inside to be used for the reconstructive surgery. The gaff was gone and when I dried my front I could feel it. Nothing sensual though Dr. Hanson and another doctor said the reconstructive surgery would improve that.

They gave me a set of dildos that I needed to use to enhance the elasticity of the opening. I asked, “Why do I need to do this?”

Dr. Hanson asked, “Don’t you want to have natural sex with a man? I know right after surgery or having a baby is not when a woman wants to talk about sex or the thought of a man penetrating her. It is in this case when we need to make sure something is done.” Before I left a nurse helped me use the first two in the set.

I was both impressed and sore. Looking at the larger ones in the set brought both mental anguish now and anticipation for the future. Dr. Hannson walked by and saw my smile, and teasingly said, “That seems to bring you some pleasure.” I was a bit embarrassed, but Hannah the nurse said: “If you haven’t learned already, we women have our sense of sick humor.”

Before I could dress Hannah had Bridgette there to see and explain my therapy. It was not easy having my privacy invaded. I suspect it is humbling for most women to see a gynecologist, especially a male doctor. But that was not in my thought or worry. Bridgette held my hand and gave me words of assurance knowing I was experiencing more than she could see. I was also experiencing things she did know and I did not.

I was given a feminine pad pinned with the aid of an elastic belt around my waist. My panty also held it in place. “Welcome another step deeper into a woman’s world.” Luckily it took only another three days to be back to regular activities.

Mom took my boredom and the coming of a school year to get me to practice arithmetic and understanding science. I continued my reading and usually read through one or two books a week depending on how long or difficult they were.

I had learned about the neighborhood and was getting to know quite a few people. Some were naturally warm and open to visiting. Some, who visited with me, did so because they had seen me with Bridgette. They were interested in knowing about her. The nice thing for me was being trusted to walk around and not run away.

My biggest temptation was to find a way back to my hole and find my bank card and other stuff I wanted. Most were probably taken. I knew it was not safe for Ashley to go down there. One of my more nervous times was walking down the block where I had gotten in the fight. Luckily I had met two girls Maria and Joani before I saw any of the guys.

They were both a year younger than me, though Maria would be going to Beacon Hill High School. Collin, one of the guys who had beaten up Jack, was Joani’s older brother. The first time I met him; I felt a mixture of hate and fear. I soon had another conflict as this 6’ guy with blonde hair and green eyes found me attractive.

He was amused by my tongue which had taken most opportunities to put him down. He saw it as me flirting with him and joking to put our conversation into his comfort zone. He had asked me to go with him to a program at Central Park. Bridgette insisted before she agreed to anything, he needed to meet her at the house.

“Collin, you know I heard about that street kid you and others beat up; how is it that I should think my daughter would be safe with you? If she is upset or excited would she be safe? I don’t know how you treat your dates.”

Collin was caught off guard by Mom’s forward approach. He was about ready to speak when she asked him to bring his eyes up and look her in the eyes. “I’m sorry Miss. Riley. Regarding that street punk, he was out of his area and I was concerned for the girls in our neighborhood. You should be impressed with my friends and me being able to take care of ourselves.”

“What if he was part of a gang and they came back to get even with you and your neighborhood? I think your friends and neighbors would have been upset if that happened.” Bridgette was surprised when I spoke up.

“You were one of them who beat up a street person, was he a kid or an old man? I thought I would like to go out with you but now I’m not sure. I’m sorry, while I might not date one, I don’t want them beat up.”

“I’m sorry, but we saw him following your Mom and we thought that was kind of creepy. So we confronted him and a fight broke out. We didn’t mean for it to go so far, I expected he would either go around or break through us and then stay out of the neighborhood.”

“There would be a lot of fights if everyone, including you, got beat up for going out of their way to look at my Mom. It may sound creepy but what if he was just a healthy male? He may have tried to get through you but didn’t make it.”

“No, he didn’t, I tripped him up, Johnny grabbed him and we hit him, but instead of running, he fought back. The police arrested and charged him not us for the fight and the damage done.”

“Mom, I don’t like what they did but I would like to go to Central Park with Collin. I would like to be friends with him, his sister, and Maria.”

Central Park is huge as city parks go and this event included rock groups to the interest of many ages. While I went with Collin, Joani, and others, Mom was a long Frisbee throwaway. We were close to the speakers but Mom’s group was still in a loud area. A group I surprisingly liked was even older than Mom’s bands. Fleetwood Mac was a neat mixture of male and female members many of their top songs had female leads. Christie McVie and Stevie Nicks were both performing with the band which I hear isn’t always the case.

I had fun downloading words to the songs and singing along. Joani and I played off of each other imitating the female leads. Collin was into playing a make-believe guitar and singing background. I was glad that Mom wasn’t too far away. I enjoyed a kiss and even his hand near my blouse once. But my efforts and Mom being a healthy distance away helped to stop it going further.

The first deep kiss and the number of them blew my mind a bit, quite a bit. Yes, I am becoming a girl, but while my mouth and body liked it, my mind said I shouldn’t. My breasts were just starting to mature and grow but they were already very responsive. Collin’s hands finding my nipples and circling told me there was another level to heaven.

We had gotten to Central Park at noon and were there into the evening by mutual agreement of both groups. Mom had her arms around a few guys as well as displays of affection caught me by surprise. She was however usually what she called the top alpha in the group. She took one guy and brushed his long hair and feminized his look, but he was not humiliated; rather he seemed to glow just a bit more.

Collin’s friends Johnny and Val showed up around three and it created a very anxious time for me/Jack. They were my adversaries in the fight; I took the lead from my Mom and spritzed Collin and Val with my perfume. They didn’t understand but that was okay; it served my purpose. They weren’t terrible guys though Johnny was neither my favorite nor one I warmed up to.

Come evening while we were still there, I laid back against Collin’s chest and in his arms. He nibbled on my neck and I maneuvered my ear into his way. It was very enjoyable. I liked going home, feeling I was not Collin’s girl but I did enjoy him. Mom had influenced me; I was not a guy’s property.

Now the time was for my surgery in the morning, Mom asked, “What do you understand about the surgery.”

“The doctors will create the appearance of my vulva, the hymen, and vagina back to where the cervix and uterus would be. That is if I were a girl and they were there.”

“Good young lady, there will be more pain and discomfort for a while after this surgery. Why do you want the surgery?” she asked.

“I don’t think I will ever be fully ready, but I would like to be considered a girl before I begin school. And I want to be your daughter.”

It was early when Dr. Hanson and Dr. Canfield said goodnight to me as I went under the medication. It would be four hours before I woke. I woke to Mom's smiling face and her saying, “Honey it went very well congratulations.”

I felt the sheet being lifted, the doctor saying, “She is going to look very good; O’ hi young lady, I think you will enjoy being a girl. Everything went well even better than one would imagine.”

Dr. Reid had left before I was fully awake, nor did she explain everything to my Mom. Mom scooted a stuffed animal kitten into my arms. I snuggled her calling her Mittens. I could feel my breast forms were off and my nipples were responsive, “Mommy, I am all girl nat-ur-ale.”

 
 
To Be Continued...
 

 

 

---

Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

---

 
 
Chapter 4
 
It's as if I was settling into being Ashley and my two lives colliding with one another: female vs. male; safely at home vs. the lure of street and below that I knew; being naive in this sophisticated world vs. street wise and pounds foolish.

PhD. Akers entered my life earlier, and now we were to be in counseling. Shes to be helping me to unfold my life, wrestling with where I have been and where I'm living now. Our big conflict, besides my resistance to her getting into my head; I wanted the goal of knowing security in the future and she wants me to relax and focus on today.

Mom and I took the subway to my first appointment and as we walked the last few blocks to Dr. Akers, I saw Norm. He was held against a store front with four other street guys around him. Others might have thought it was a nice visit, but one guy had Norm’s shirt sleeve scrunched in his grip. Some people were standing and watching, but no one would say or do anything.

“Hey, let go of his sleeve!” I said from the second line of the crowd. Mom jerked my arm, but I kept my spot long enough to see Norm run with the others steps behind in chase. Mom was right in being upset, someone could have gotten hurt.

Usually before I met with Dr. Akers, Mom would visit and share what was happening as she saw things. Needless to say, my actions on the street today were mentioned. Better than most Dr. Akers knew my street life and the present were bound to surface in conflict.

Dr. Akers assured me what I shared was confidential and I assured her that I did not fully trust that. She said, “You have passed others, why did you stop today?”

“I knew the guy being held, ” I said.

“Was he a friend? What would have happened if there was a fight,” she asked? She was already writing before I respond.

“Few friends on the street, but we did have each other’s back. Before you ask, no, he hasn’t met Ashley. He wouldn’t know me from Adam or Jane,” was my answer. “Mom was already pulling me and I wouldn’t want her in the fight. That was my answer for being a coward.”

“So you betrayed yourself?” Dr. Akers paused and I resisted answering.

“No, I did the smart thing, wouldn't you?” I was upset, “I came here to talk as Ashley that other is from the past.”

“Ashley, you can call me Anne. Yes, we will focus on Ashley. But when you want to talk about Jack you are free to decide that.”

“So you promise not to go back there, without my permission? Cause I won’t go back there.”

I hate doctors who don’t answer questions. She would remain quiet until I spoke or waited and we went to another question or somewhere else. She knew where we were going, I didn’t.

“How long have you wanted to be a girl?” she asked.

I told her, “When my sisters got to go with my mother, and they left me!”

“Did you ever want to be or act like a girl before that?” She paused, we both paused. “Did you ever go out on Halloween as a girl?”

“My sisters stuff was too small and mom’s stuff to big.” There was one time after Heidi moved there, but I wasn’t about ready to share that, Dr. Akers would make something of it.

“It looks like there was a time, when was that,” she asked?

“It was just a time over my friend Heidi’s; we were playing and we were both Indians and I wore one of her skirts.” Dr. Akers asked if we got caught. “No, not that time.”

“There usually are more if you don’t get caught; make-believe is fun at that age. How did you feel when you played a girl?”

“A boy doesn’t think about how he feels, he just does it.”

“Okay then, think back if you would and try to think about it. You don’t need to tell me, but know for yourself.” She waited and I thought. “Okay, how did you feel?”

“I thought you wouldn’t ask me?” I was defensive and upset.

“You’re right, you don’t need to tell me, more important is that you know. But I didn’t say I wouldn’t ask, only that you do not have to tell me. So I do ask.”

“I felt good at Heidi’s like I could be myself,” I said.

“I don’t know your name from back then. What happened when you got caught?”

“My name was Tom. And when Heidi’s mom caught us nothing happened. That was when I told my mother and she told my dad that it stopped. Dad said, he had two girls, he didn’t want a sissy.”

“But Tom wasn’t a sissy was he?” Dr. Akers asked and she was right.

“No, but my dad wouldn’t hear that. I lost playing with Heidi for two weeks. We were still friends and Tom wasn’t a girl so I didn’t lose anything.” But Ashley knew he lost something besides a safe place.

Time was up and I was both glad and sad to leave. I didn’t mean to speak as much as I did; I just hoped Dr. Anne wouldn’t tell anyone. I did come away, feeling good.

Mom and I went to eat and visited during our meal. “Ashley, I was scared when you yelled at that group of guys. Why did you do it and what would have happened if they turned on us!”

“Mom, the guy they were threatening was not part of their gang, I knew him. And it would be very stupid of a gang to turn on people in public. Doing what they did was calculated as a minimal risk, and I blew their cover. Norm ran away and they were smart in following him,” I said.

I explained Norm was one of the six near where I hid and we had each the other’s back. Mom asked, about him possibly recognizing me. I asked if my appearance or voice could be recognized as Jack’s.

I asked Mom if she could see changes in my appearance becoming more girl or woman like. She had and we talked mostly as mother and daughter. We shopped and found two outfits that were not completely identical but would pass for mother/daughter outfits. We went to city hall and filed the papers for me to be legally adopted as her daughter.

It was determined by information on file with the Department of Human Services that it would be mostly a matter of waiting thirty days and making proper notifications.

That evening Mom told me more of her work especially with couples and with the men being in touch with a feminine identity. I asked if I could ever be part of their group gatherings or help serve when they met at our house.

Mom said, 'We would need to take small steps and I was not to reveal my past identity to the people she was helping. Our waiter was a young man who seemingly was taking interest in me. He was seeking to remain professional but Mom imposed upon him and asked. “And how old you think my daughter is?”

“Pardon me ma’am, but I assumed she was a niece or younger sister. And I thought I hadn’t done anything wrong,” the waiter said in a nervous reply.

“You did a very good job in remaining professional, but I could tell, so I asked,” she said with a grin. “You have not answered my question.”

“I was hoping she is 17 or 18.”

“She will be fifteen next fall. You are alright in what you have done but you need to be careful as someone like her appears older and that could get you into trouble.”

“I am 19 but I have a brother 16 if she should need a date or escort.” Mom thought he was cute and sincere and she gave him her card. I wanted to sink in my seat, but don't want to look unladylike.

“I doubt that two boys could be such gentlemen but that is in case he dared to undergo a mother’s scrutiny.”

I spoke up, “If I don’t have a say in this, he need not waste his time.” Mom asked what my input would be.

“I need to know what his brother is like; I am not desperate for boyfriends?” I said a matter of factually.

It was our luck that his brother also went to Beacon Hill High School. I suspected he and Collin would be in the same grade. Walt the waiter showed us a picture of his brother Ken. “Ken does not suffer for dates either but you would be among the prettiest girls he ever dated if it would happen.”

“I appreciate the compliment but for the sake of the other girls I hope not,” I laughed.

When we got home Cathy was soon to be over and she and Mom would make supper. I would put on an apron willing do whatever they wanted me to do. Mom asked for me to sit down while we waited for Cathy. “Mom, I would like you to tell me more of what you do.”

“Ashley, when I was younger than you are now, I wanted to help the plight of women and something inside me said I needed to do so by helping guys to be better people. When I was your age, maybe a little older, that was when I first thought what men needed was for them to see and experience the world as women do.”

“The first person I introduced to the other side was an abusive jerk. We found out together the other side of him, which he was in denial of. The abuse of power didn’t bring him gratification but my feminizing him did. But there was an ugly time before pink and pastel blue permeated his blood and vision. Men tend to feel guilty for being more fully human, not just male.

“Do you get them to change and become women too?” I asked. I thought back to the dresses, shirts and blouses I have ironed. And the time I peeked and saw the clothes prepared didn’t seem as they would have fitted the women. I hadn’t thought of the men. “Mom, am I a part of your work?”

“They are good questions Ashley and I am glad you gave them voice. Because I expected you to think of the possibility. But ‘no’ to both, only one has sought to become a woman, though some live as women part of the time. I work for them to work on and heal their present relationships, not to leave them.”

“Ashley, you are completely borne out of the love of my heart. I did not expect you would move in this direction, but when you did you were immediately a child of my heart. Though I didn’t admit it to myself you're my child.” Just the way Mom said it with a confession of guilt; I was moved to tears and gave her a hug.

“One of the results that I was not initially expecting but have seen numerous times. Is the significant women, wives, daughters and co-workers reclaiming their own feminine identity; not merely in outward appearance, but moving back to relational and nurturing styles of living, reclaiming their feelings and affirming their creative natures.”

“Ashley, have you heard Cathy, Stephanie and I say how you have moved us to see things? Sometimes new and some with a deeper appreciation of whom we and others in our lives are.”

“You’re saying the conflict within me is simply my male side not accepting my being fully human?”

“No,” Bridgette said, “There is that element, but I think you will learn in your time with Dr. Akers those things are not that easy. One, you didn’t remain a boy and two, all your life has been through has had deep impact upon you. I do think you will come through that quite well in time.”

It was good people reminded me now and then I was 14. My life had changed so much and I needed to give me the time and space to deal with it all. “Mom, one thing I need is a little black or red dress.” I didn’t know where that came from but I quickly defended it.

“O that is a need?” Mom asked with a broad smile.

“Yes, I am fourteen and not a little girl. I would also like some designer jeans to slowly pull over my maturing hips. I am proud of who I am.” I worked to look at my Mom without blinking.

Everyone had a good evening and life moved on.

The next day and days ahead I focused on being me and making friends, especially with Joani, Marie and other teens in our neighborhood or who would be in our school. Joani and I made our way to Beacon Hill H.S. A new teacher Deanna Briggs and teacher Kelli Geortelli whom Joani said was a great teacher were both at the school.

Ms. Briggs would be teaching general science, biology and environmental sciences so we would have her this year and another time in high school. Mrs. Geortelli was upset that she had not been given her request to have a better classroom on the second floor. Neither classroom was in good condition, nor was either slated for needed improvements before school started back up.

I called Mom on my phone and asked her if she would spring for paint, brushes and rollers. I was informed by her and the teachers that we would not be allowed to do what we wanted. Joani had a plan and we decided not to share what we were thinking.

We had measured the two classrooms plus one of the worst classrooms further away from the main entrance Collin his friends and the girls we knew would be at the school the next day at 9:00 a.m. Mom agreed for her consulting company to buy paint for five classrooms.

Early afternoon Joani, Collin and I went to the Times Square area, where I approached a street guy, Jess, about an offer to help paint the two other rooms. Six of them would get free sub sandwiches, drinks and another agreement I didn’t share. I shared the idea in Jack’s name, telling them where Jack’s bank card was. Upon completion of the project, Jack through me would give them his pin number.

Jess said he was Jack’s closest friend; he was after me to let him know where Jack was and to meet with him. “Jack says ‘no’ to knowing where he is, but Jack will consider meeting you but I won’t make promises.”

I was surprised to find I had feelings for Jess and I looked forward to working with him and the others during the coming day. If mom knew what I was doing she did not say that evening. She wasn’t asking and I wasn’t saying. I did send a message to a TV newsman Jack Cafferty that would inform him at 10:00 a.m. what we were doing. I gave him my C# if he wanted to respond and report the event. Joani and I saw the idea as protection from someone stopping us.

Us students, Norm, Jess and four others from the street began to show five minutes before nine. I had purchased the 15 gallons of paint and supplies from stores within the school district which was not the school’s policy. Briggs and Geortelli’s rooms needed the least repairs so that is where we began both repairs and painting.

Joani and Collin’s dad was home for the day and he came as our supervisor. Mr. Richards got us started but spent most of the time with the Jess’ group because of the amount of repairs need and to limit property leaving the building.

Mr. Jack Cafferty from NYC-ABC local news called at 10:15 a.m. but he was still fifty minutes ahead of the school officials. By 11:00 a.m., when Cafferty showed, the first two classrooms had their first coats of paint. And we were with Jess’s group in the other three rooms. We had already taken before pictures of the worse classrooms. Mr. Cafferty had been there before 11 but would not broadcast his first report at noon unless word broke about what we were doing.

He was pleased to know, come 11:30 a.m. that we were under police and school orders to stop what we were doing. His ABC Noon-News broadcast made it a public opinion event. We did eat lunch in shifts but otherwise kept going. Mr. Richards was under the most pressure by authorities since he was the adult. But his name was not part of any purchase orders or payment, and after authorities showed up his hands were not on any brushes or tools.

One of the classrooms had a storage room where Jess and I bumped into each other. I had lost my balance and took hold of Jess so I wouldn’t fall. Standing face to face, we embraced with a warm kiss.

What we did in painting the classrooms was only part of the story as was the Beacon Hill School.

Between 12:30 and 4:30 we targeted five more classrooms there as well as three other schools that need such work to be done. What wasn’t being done in the New York City schools had become part of a larger news focus. On camera, school officials were upset; off camera we were creating waves that made it unsafe for them to cause us problems but it did cause them other problems.

Part of the problem was/is the red tape and turf issues not only of unions and costs of projects but who would take credit for what was done and responsibility for what more needed to be done.

Come 4:15 p.m., we finished the second coat in the last of the rooms. We would be gone by 5:00 p.m. We were being fingerprinted and in the process of being officially charged with trespassing when Mom’s lawyer put a halt to that. Mr. Cafferty did a live news report from Beacon Hill High.

Our last suggestion caused as much or an even bigger ruckus as we called for August 11, to be a volunteer school work day throughout the city or news area on an as needed basis. While most school districts were officially against what we were calling for, few school districts had the funds to address their problems. They did not want the liability of denying risk factors within their schools. But hopefully the response of volunteers would free funds to address more risky problems.

Mom’s response at home was similar to school officials with the exception she was getting praise for her contribution of paint and supplies. Most of our neighbors were surprised but proud to hear about her consulting business. What was revealed about her business was what they did as consultants at the corporate level.

Mom could have expanded her business by the response that followed, but it was not her desire to grow, as the potential for risking confidentiality and keeping her focus on a sensitive service was deemed far more important.

Instead she decided to use shopping therapy to let off some steam. I was able to get my little black dress.

The following day, Julio would again make it known he was watching and I for a change welcomed his presence. I needed to check with Jess if possible to make sure they were not hassled.

Jess was happy to see me as he wanted to know more about where Jack was. He hoped to see Jack again. I stated, “I cannot tell you where he is but I did deliver the message about you wanting to see him.” I was surprised as Ashley, I found myself interested in seeing Jess again, but now as a teenage girl. The idea was a bit repulsive as well as intriguing to me.

Julio had read my interest and reported it back to Mom. She shared it with Dr. Akers who I was scheduled to see the coming week. During the weekend there was a youth dance at one of the area churches. New York City and some of its churches provided a safe place to where straight and LGBT youth are both welcome.

I went with Collin, Joni and some neighborhood friends. I caused a bit of a stir. I was approached by Ryta, from whom I accepted a request to dance. Collin was upset that I danced with Ryta. He did dance with me again but he was noticeably cooler. Ryta said, “I am a friend of Cassie, she’s afraid to come out to others in public.”

“My dancing with you,” I said, “is not a statement of having come out. I am not afraid of dancing with you or Cassie, or what others think.” I gave her a kiss come the end of our last dance. I was both offended by Collin and afraid later on by the ramifications I had not expected.

As a street person, I had seen myself immune to judgment because I didn’t care what others thought. As Ashley I had entered back into a judgmental world that cost me in new ways. I enjoy dancing with Ryta but was confused by Cassie’s connection. I did extend an invite for Ryta and Cassie to come over sometime.

I was glad when my appointment with Dr. Akers came. She encouraged me to remain true to my thoughts. I was encouraged not too worry as I appeared to be. But with her I was free to share that my panty became warm and moist with both Collin and Ryta. Dr. Anne said “It is good that you are openly talking and not in denial. Many young teens would have acknowledged only one or the other.”

“I do feel guilty that it is both,” I said. “If this is good why do I feel so bad then?” I paused, but I didn’t need to, Dr. Anne wanted me to walk through my feelings and situation. “You want me to say, I should feel alright about my feelings for both Ryta and Collin and just own my feelings. Isn’t that what you want me to say?”

Dr. Akers smiled, but was still quiet. “I’m not sure if my interest and feelings for Ryta are from me being Jack, I know my feelings for Collin comes from being Ashley.”

Dr. Akers offered as a thought, “Would there be a reason for Ashley to like or have feelings for Ryta?”

“Well, um, she showed interest; when I think back I knew she risked in coming to me. I found that and her to be attractive. I didn’t feel bad about her or my response until later,” I said.

“So was your response to Ryta as natural and normal as your response to Collin?” Dr. Akers asked. I paused and thought, ‘yes, but I don’t think I want to be a lesbian.’

“Dr. Akers, I don’t want to be a lesbian and for others to see me as strange. I finally want to be a normal person!” I said.

“Do you know anyone else who is or might be lesbian or gay or wrestling with their identity?” She paused, “Are any of them normal or are some or all of them abnormal?”

I said, “You know what I mean, of course most are normal, but I don’t think of it normal for me; do you hear what I am saying?”

Dr Akers spoke, “Ashley take it out of being a broad general thought and make it personal from your experience. Do you know anyone who is gay or lesbian? How do you see him or her?”

“Cathy and Bridgette, but you can’t tell them. I don’t know Cathy enough, but Mom is one of the healthiest, most loving people I know. But she is comfortable with herself. She’s strong, I am not like her,” I confessed.

“Your Mom seems to be Superwoman, do you think she ever wondered otherwise? What about when she was growing up as a teenager like you?”

“You’re telling me, that my Mom had times she wasn’t sure?” I paused in thought.

Dr. Akers spoke up again, “I'm saying it could be hard on you and your mother if you think you’re growing up in the house of Superwoman. Each girl has her moments in various areas of her life growing up. Even mature women continue experiencing it.”

“Ashley, how do you see yourself now as a young teenage girl with your female body?” Dr. Akers asked.

“Are you asking about the person I see in the mirror and if I have explored my new self? I’m not sure what you are wanting,” I said. We both paused as I resisted speaking first.

“Any of the above Ashley, tell me about you,” Dr. Akers said.

“I like the new me, being and feeling like a girl, daughter and friend. I am not afraid, but I do feel more than a little guilty. Like when my nipples are aroused or I feel warm and moist. I like it but I am not always comfortable that I am a girl or that Jack should feel like that.” I paused, “Just like now, I actually enjoy when I stop and think or can smell and feel something.”

“Like, how does an orgasm feel? I have gotten warm and a lot of feelings have exploded inside, was that an orgasm. If not, can I handle it, if it really happens?”

“So have you explored this new body you have, or are you talking about things that just happened?” she asked.

“Is it bad if I did some exploring’ are you going to tell my Mom if I say anything?”

Dr. Ann smiled, “No, you would be a fairly normal girl if you did. There are some things like washing your hands to make sure you don’t give yourself an infection that would be helpful to know. The same is true if you use a lubricant to combat dryness, the lubricant should be germ free.”

It was a good session both for counseling and just learning to be a girl. I was glad that Dr. Akers did not ask Mom back for a second discussion.

Another thing, I enjoyed about these appointments was having lunch with Mom afterwards. Mom said she enjoyed it as well.

We did some window shopping and I enjoyed how other girls would give their opinions on what looked good on me. Boys would generally think that was silly, but how does one know how it looks to others. Mom did buy me two more blouses and a pair of open toe flats. We were able to get a pair of sandals at half cost.

We were back walking to a subway when Jess said hello and wanted to talk to us. I looked at Mom and she looked around before she gave us permission to visit. Mom congratulated and thanked Jess for helping with the painting of the school.

“Do you think your Mom would let us go to a concert at Central Park together?”

“Are you going to invite me first to make sure it is worth talking to my Mom about?” I asked. He was embarrassed and was ready to walk away. “Stop Jess, the answer would be yes if Mom allowed us.”

“I am sorry Jess,” my mother started out, “But I would require a few things I am not sure you would do,” she told him. “If I got you some clean clothes would you be willing to clean-up at the Y or someplace before you took her out? I would also be nearby and someone else would be watching to make sure she wasn’t hurt. What would you say to all that?”

“It would depend on how much all that cost me,” he said.

“You might also want to know, I expect her to go to college. And you might as well hear it directly from me; I won’t be too crazy about her dating a street guy.” What she said didn’t surprise me, but I did cringe as she said it.

Jess found some backbone, “If I do what you ask, I hope, I am not going to find you going back on your word.”

Mom’s response was not direct, “Which concert are you going to, and when will it be?”

“There are three concerts coming up, and to be truthful Ashley’s Mom, the concert isn’t as important as just getting a chance to be with her. I know I don’t have a chance with her, but I would like to take her to one concert.”

Mom said, “I don’t mind her going with you, and I am not trying to change you. But yes, I would like you to be presentable. Do you know where we live?” Mom asked.

“I only know the area, but I don’t know where she lives,” he said. “I would meet her at the park if that was needed.”

Bridgette, “That would not be acceptable to me, especially on her first date with you. I am willing to pay for most of what you need, but I would also like you to pay for some of it if possible. Could you come the night before for dinner?”

“Ashley, don’t you have more to say?” my Mom asked.

“I would like to go to a concert with Jess. Jess, I would be pleased if you did as my Mom asked. From what Jack says you are a good guy. I was happy to meet you at the school and would like to be a friend.” Jess smiled and I was happy, but deep inside I felt guilty. I was off the streets and wouldn’t tell him how I knew him. He wouldn’t understand about Jack and Ashley, nor will I share it.

Mom gave him our address and her phone number. He probably was limited in what he could read but he would match the letters with street signs and the numbers with houses. Then thoughts came to mind on how he might be received in the neighborhood.

Mom asked him about the size or measurements of his clothes. He was embarrassed for not knowing. “It is hard to find long jeans for a narrow waist. The next concert we knew of was a week from Saturday at 10:30 .am. We agreed to meet with Jess, here on Tuesday to get some clothes.

I knew Jess would be up early that morning and either wash in a fountain or look for a fire hydrant the day before. It was something we would do when it was important enough. Hopefully the police or others would not stop him and run him off.

The nights after that could be rough if not dangerous if he stayed above ground to stay clean. Those who did that were usually without their group and risked attack from others. There were stories of guys being attacked and badly beaten, sent to a hospital and not seen afterwards.

Without thinking I gave Jess a hug when we said good-bye. After we walked away the smell of the street was still with me. We rode the subway home and people moved away from me because of the smell. One guy who came close, walked away when he caught the odor. Mom was good and did not do the same.

Mom did make me wait outside until she got a spray for me as I entered the house. The smell of the street permeates clothes and stays with a person. Even I was nauseated by the time I was allowed in the house. How much different would it be when we went shopping? After a shower at the YM/YWCA, it would be better but not often done.

“Thanks Mom that's very nice of you,” I said, and we talked more. We both knew it would have been easier if either one of us said “No”.

The next day I talked with Joani about Jess. She was very cool that I would see another boy, instead of Collin. We talked and she knew such times would likely happen again. Collin saw other girls, but to her that wasn’t the same. Joani said, “If one of the street guys came that Collin and the others knew; he wouldn’t necessarily be welcomed but he probably would be safe.”

I wondered but didn’t ask, ‘What if his five friends came;' it wasn’t something I thought about but it wouldn’t surprise me if they followed him.

This Saturday I saw Collin and told him, “I am going to a concert with Jess in the Park next Saturday.” Collin laughed, thinking I was teasing him with an absurd idea. But he noticed I wasn’t joking.

“I thought you were kidding; you can’t go to a concert with a street person,” Collin said abruptly. “People won’t like it, them doing good stuff and you trying to help them is one thing. That is worse than a white person dating a black person. That happens and it is accepted by most, but not what you are saying.”

“It is going to happen and I hope you will respect me. I don’t want something to happen to him like what happened to Jack.”

That reminded Collin of something he had thought about. “Yes that reminds me, Jess said something about you knowing Jack and it made me think about how you knew Jess and the other guys?”

I was going to tell him I knew Jack from a group home, but decided better, “I met him while he was in the hospital, I was there because I was beaten at my home. Jack told me where Jess and Norm hung out and that I could ask them for help if needed.”

“So where is Jack now?”

“I don’t know, I could possibly find out, but I don’t know if I want too. Jack was in big trouble, I don’t think I really want to know where he is. I hope Jess and the others won’t be upset if they don’t meet him. I was on the street once long enough to know most don’t really waste time thinking of the others.”

Tuesday came and Mom took the morning off to help Jess shop for clothes. Jess had indeed washed in a fountain that morning; he even washed his hair and had on a change of old clothes. Jess was helping a construction crew so he would have some money come Friday.

“We went to a store that had new clothes that attracted a variety of customers. We had to look hard but finally found a good pair of jeans close to his size and a pullover shirt. That would have been special enough, for Jess. I don’t know if Mom knew how special good socks and underwear were but Mom had him get that as well. The loafers were nothing special, but they were unusual for someone on the street. Everything that was purchased today was put into a plastic bag that Jess tied tightly closed. Wearing them could be dangerous, especially when his group was not around.

We got sandwiches and ate on the bleacher like seats at Times Square. Come 1:00 o’clock Mom and Jess both needed to be going. Mom encouraged Jess to come early Friday night and she asked him straight out, “Do you have a safe place to stay Friday night?”

He assures her he had. She asked, “Are the others gong to the concert?”

“I think the group will show up to see if I am there and if Ashley really does go with me. But if they stay, it won’t be right with us,” Jess had a big smile. I felt it was special for Jess as I felt.

Mom and I stopped at a specialty food store to get clams, chalets and special garlic as well as a fresh loaf of asiago cheese and black olive bread. When Mom saw that fresh raspberries were in she bought them and a bottle of champagne, saying, “We will use these as our appetizers, saying this meal will not only taste good it should arouse their appetites for each other.”

I asked, “Do you think it will help a woman’s appetite for a man in feminine attire?”

“Chenille’s desire for her new Bobbi has been growing for weeks; he might be surprised but she may have trouble waiting for the end of the meal,” Mom said with a giggle.

“What would you do if that actually happened,” I asked?

“We would decide whether to leave them there or suggest to one or the other to take the other to the bedroom. We have some nice pillows and a down comforter we have spread-out on the floor. Hopefully someday you might feel the heat and strength of such passion.”

Changing the subject, “All I need now is something for a light fragrance,” Mom said.

“How about getting three roses, use one in a vase and scatter the petals from the other two around their place settings?” Mom liked the idea and we bought the roses just blocks from our home.

I enjoyed setting up the dining room, even more when Mom asked if I would be willing to serve. I wore my black dress and a simple silver chain necklace and earrings. Mom and Steffi kept me busy; I didn’t get a chance to see the couple when they arrived. I was pouring the champagne on cue as they entered the dining room. I looked up and casually pulled out the chair for one as Steff did for the other; both were pretty women.

I served the bread and clam chowder together. It was then I knew for sure which was the biological woman as her breasts became aroused and her nipples pressed against the top of her dress. The chicken breasts with a almond butter-orange sauce with asparagus more than tipped the scale as Mom spread out the comforter and threw down the pillows. Chenille had Bobbi in tow. As Chenille was lying down she looked back, winked at me and lipped something I did not know.

Then we three were back in the kitchen, Mom gave me a hug and said, “Very nice young lady.” Then she explained, “Do you remember earlier when you came in to pour a little more champagne and take away their appetizer plates? You saw that Bobbi was shy and nervous and your complimented her ‘You are so pretty, just enjoy.” That was so precious and Bobbi did relax and is still enjoying herself.”

My own body was tingling with the thought. Mom was able to dim the lights in the dining room. We then grabbed plates to eat and went to Steffi’s lounge so we would not disturb them. I washed and cleaned what I could afterwards before going to bed.

Mom had stayed up all night and saw Chenille and Bobbi off, taking a cab at 6:00 a.m. Mom showered and prepared for another day’s work. Today she was to meet a new corporate customer.

Mom handed me a fifty dollar tip that Chenille had left for me. When I said, “That is too much,” Mom agreed but said I needed to humbly accept it. I guess I am becoming a normal girl as I already had half of it spent.

Mom let me go shopping, so I called Maria and Joani as they knew more places than I did. I got a nice skirt and top combo. The skirt was full which made it better for a blanket and the blouse left a nice gap at the skirt for cool air and warm hands.

Come Friday morning I was excited from the start. Mom and I talked about what to eat. I decided it should be simple and tasty for Jess. I went over to Aunt Cathy’s to have my hair done, which was fun. Cathy enjoyed talking to her young niece in anticipation of dinner tonight and the concert tomorrow.

The concert would have numerous folk and pop singers focusing on the history of music to move society. Some well known singers would be there but not in any announced order or schedule.

Jess showed up just before 4:00. When he mentioned his new clothes chaffing him Mom had him out of them so she could wash the stiffness and chemicals out of them. She also asked him to take another shower and to shampoo his hair. By the time we saw each other only a hint of a street person was still there.

Mom had even gotten him a special mouth wash. I was mindful of his breath and Mom his germs. Mom and Cathy were cooking while Jess and I got cozy watching TV. We went over the before and after pictures of the school project. I did my best to snuggle with him, but I knew he was nervous.

“Ashley, you’re the one who is supposed to watch out for me!” Jess said, just before Mom came back into the room. Jess said to my Mom, “You know you have a very affectionate daughter?”

“I think she tries to act like a little pixie, naive of what she is doing,” Mom said. And with that she addressed me, “Ashley, you need to be a young lady and take it easy on Jess.”

I knew I had to settle down or lose my date with Jess, but my breasts were perky as was my spirit. Luckily Mom and Jess knew puberty was kicking in for me and looked after my better interests. I held my flirting down to a mild roar.

Jess enjoyed the dinner and relaxing at our home watching TV. I sat leaning back on Jess and pulled his arms around me.

Mom asked Jess about his safety tonight. Jess was surprised that my Mom asked, somehow knowing about life on the streets. She offered a room for Jess to spend the night. “That is tempting and I should selfishly agree, but I have friends waiting for me to come back.”

I wished he had stayed, but knowing others were waiting, I fixed our leftovers and more food to go with him. I didn’t know what his group liked or didn’t, but what they didn’t eat they would barter for something they wanted.

Jess wasn’t back in the morning until 10:30 a.m. The concert started at 10:00, and it would be after 11:00 a.m. before we were there. Jess had a new blanket, food and drink for the afternoon. I saw Norm and others in the group in the concert area of the park. They too had cleaned up and were there for the concert.

Jess was happy when I suggested they should enjoy the concert with us. They would be nearby but not with us. We were as close to center as getting some shade would allow. Jess spread out the blanket . I kicked off my sandals and sat down.

Jess was in new territory, dreaming about being with a girl was different from being with one. I was not repulsed by who he was. I was crying inside to be with Jess. He was important to me but I hardly knew him. He had runaway from home in Fort Wayne in Indiana. I found a place and he wasn’t going back.

“So Jeff was your name, how many times have you been in custody.” Jess slid his hand over my mouth, arms and face. He was very tender, a side I hadn’t seen. I kissed his fingers. I had put on a light perfume, that was pleasing to both of us. He smiled and ran his fingers through my hair, lightly touching my ear lobe.

There were people talking about Pete Seeger and Woody Guthrie; neither Jess nor I knew of either. Tom and Dick Smothers were the first named singers to hit the stage at 1:00 p.m. They have a sense of humor and talked a lot about Vietnam and how peace freaks were seen as anti-American.

Jess was touching my legs and slipped his hands under by blouse. “I like your touch, but don’t get too friendly. If you treat this like a last date and it will be.” Jess smiled, drew his hands back to a hug. Some of the singers had performed around Times Square. Someone said Broadway with Porgy and Bess was some of the first protest music.

Jess and I found what we listened to, to be very interesting, but not as interesting as each other. Shortly after I put a sheet over us to permit a little more exploration, Cathy came over and told me, "The sheet needs to go if you want to stay.

We walked over to sit with Mom and Cathy for awhile. I was surprised finding two guys Brad and Ben, twin brothers, with them. They were good looking men, probably my mother’s age. I stepped back and imagined each a bit feminized. They were good looking men but I could easily see them otherwise.

I looked at Jess and simply said, “No.”

The concert went into the evening but Jess and I left after 6:00 p.m. Jess was smooth as we kissed goodnight, a hand massaged a nipple and I became excited. Using all my will I pushed away, saying, “Let this not be our last date.”…

---

 
 
To Be Continued...
 

 

 

---

Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

---

 
 
Chapter 5
 
I started to babysit three days a week and usually took the children to neighborhood parks on nice days. It was my second week in doing so and I felt good that things were going so well. We were on our way home, a block and a half away from the park and another block from their home. Aidan was in the stroller and Patti had been in my arms but I just set her down. Three guys on roller blades came rolling down the walk. I gave them as much space as I could, but one reached out and knocked me to the ground.

They circled back around trying to scare us. First I was accused of being a bad babysitter who should watch the children better. All three had sunglasses and hoods protecting their identity. One touched Patti and I slapped him. They returned two hits to me, Patti screamed and I kicked at the guys. They knocked me down and were roughing me up and leaving the children alone, for which I was thankful. Their grubby hands felt me forcefully; one leaned down and told me, “Watch out who you associate with b*.”

I knew who it was, but I also knew to be quiet. Because of the children, I tried to get up only to be knocked back down and kicked some more. I let a half minute of silence lapse after they left. When I sought to get up, people finally came to help us. Minutes later I could hear a police car coming with its siren.

Patti and Adian were Teacher Kelli Geortelli’s children and I was only a block and half away from where they lived. I felt I couldn’t let anyone take me to the hospital with her children, fearful Kelli would be accused of neglecting her children. Stranger things had happened. An Officer walked me to their home and allowed me to call Ms. Kelli. I cried because I let her down. The Officer said I had done well.

I then called Mom and she spoke to Officer Barnes and requested I be taken to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital up near 168th Street. I didn’t want an ambulance so he called for a woman officer to ride along. Tracy was a tough officer who gave me support, but not necessarily sympathy, “You should know better than to be walking alone. You’re not immune from the troubles of this city and today you had two children who could have been hurt as much as you.”

Once at the emergency center, we appeared to have a long wait. We were checked in but there were many others there. Tracy recognized a paramedic coming out and got her to check me out. I was soon up on their gurney being rolled back to an emergency room. The Paramedic said, “Honey, don’t worry, you’ll be seen and I will protect you.”

I didn’t understand, “I’ll protect you.” But she knew the trauma of a young woman alone and injured in a hospital; the care and observation could take its own toll. The first Dr. in was a Resident, and while he knew what he was doing, but I could have been a side of beef as far as his bedside manner. “Hey Doc, she’s a young woman her name is Ashley either talk to her or get someone better.” He asked her out of the room, but she wasn’t moving.

The Doc called for her to be taken out but once they knew it was Maria Lopez, things changed. The resident wasn’t reprimanded but he did accept help. Soon I was “young lady and Ashley” it did not change the growing pain nor quick take away the shame I felt.

The new doctor said, “You are bleeding down where you were kicked, but it is just terribly bruised and not ripped or cut. You ribs are black and blue but hopefully just cracked. They do not appear to be broke or threatening your organs. Your face and head are similarly hurt; we should get a dental specialist in here to make sure you are not in danger of losing a tooth or two.”

I told Officer Tracy, “One of my attackers was Johnny; Collin Richards knows who he is.” She was upset that my recognition was only from his voice.

“I’m going to go and process this information. I will visit you again up in your room.” I didn’t want to stay the night in the hospital, but Dr. Mercer said, "It's needed and that I wouldn’t be going home, but she would come up to see me.

“You’re my doctor aren’t you?” I asked.

“I’m not your doctor, one will be appointed to you,” she said.

“Dr. Mercer, I’m comfortable with you, couldn’t you be my doctor,” I plead?

She said, “It’s possible but it needs to be by request from your mom or guardian.”

I said, “I request you and if my Mom needs to request it, it’s done.” Dr. Mercer smiled as did a nurse. I don’t know when Maria or Tracy left, but I was happy to see my Mom.

Mom said, “Kelli will be coming once her mom gets to her place to watch the children.” Mom knew I felt ashamed, having let Mrs. Geortelli down. Mrs. Geortelli came just as I was being wheeled up to the eighth floor.

Ms. Geortelli and Mom were holding my hands as I woke up in my room. Mrs. Geortelli thanked me for protecting and getting her children home. “Patti said, you swatted one of them when they touched her. She said you were very brave but there were too many of them and they were bad boys. I can’t tell you how grateful I am!”

“I thought you would be angry with me. Officer Tracy said I shouldn’t go to the park without someone else,” I said.

“Mom I think they were angry with me because of Ryta or the street guys. One of them said, ‘I needed to watch out who I associate with.’” Cathy and Steffi were soon there as well as Julio.

Julio already knew I said one of the guys was Johnny; he asked could one of the others had been Collin or their other friend. I didn’t think so, as I didn’t recognize their voices like I did Johnny’s.

Officer Tracy came back while they were there, but only Julio and Tracy stayed in as they talked to me. Tracy told me to relax and picture Johnny, “He can’t hurt you now, but you know which one he is. Look at him and tell me about his clothes. Can you see his face, neck, his hands?”

“No, he had gloves and sunglasses on, but his neck, his neck I can see a tattoo. There is a ‘ws’ and lightning through it.”

Julio's guessing, “Something like ‘bad news’, he better hope that is not on his neck.” As he walked out Tracy tried to yell at him not to do anything, “You call us,” she said. Mom and Cathy were back in to stay with me; Julio, Kelli, and Steffi had left. Tracy asked, "Is Julio likely to do anything on his own?"

Mom said, “He won’t unless Johnny is dumb enough to try something, but Julio won’t be…”

“Won’t be what?” Tracy asked. “Alone or unarmed…”

Dr. Mercer waited for Tracy to leave and then came in and visited with me and Mom, making sure if it was okay to speak with Cathy present. “We need to take some x-rays to make sure of things, but I think the worst is bad bruising, a cracked rib or two and a dentist should be up soon to check her teeth. She has been through a lot, so emotional trauma might be the worst of it. We want her to stay awake till midnight and encourage you to talk with her. If you can stay the night, it will be okay with us but it is not essential at this point.”

Dr. Mercer wanted to say something but was hesitant. I asked, “There is something else isn’t there?”

“Yes, but it isn’t terrible news, just insult to injury,” she said. “You are a little puffy as well as bruised down there. I expect you are about to have your period and will experience more pain than usual. There may be more bleeding than you are using too.”

One of the hospital dentists came and checked me and said, “One tooth could be a problem, but it is still in place. I advise you don’t seek to take it out. It should be strong and healthy in a day or two.” Thus I'm limited to soft food for supper.

Julio called Mom after 7:00 p.m., “We caught up to Johnny and we convinced him before we took him to the police station to give up his friends, Collin nor the other friend were involved, but I suspect at least one of them was given the opportunity to take part.”

When Mom said that was good news, Julio spoke up, “If they didn’t warn her, it suggests they can’t be trusted.” He indicated as far as he was concerned, “Far as I'm concerned, they are due for a warning.” Mom thanked him.

I was curious, “Mom, Julio’s hired by you isn’t he?”

Mom laughed, “It may seem so, but he’s just a friend. He sees himself returning a favor from a few years ago. He’s more concerned with someone I help trying to hurt me.”

Mom didn’t share, but when she was out of the room Cathy did. Julio had been in a gang, but now is in the army reserves and had been in Iraq. He works in security, but much more than just as a watchman.” Cathy eluded to Mom helping him deal with his temper but wouldn’t elaborate.

When I said, "He doesn’t look like one of Mom’s clients." She laughed and agreed “No he doesn’t.”

“You don’t mean he really is?” Cathy wouldn’t answer me.

A nurse came into bathe me, and Mom wanted to help. The nurse suggested she, the nurse, do the sensitive areas. She wanted to press some of the bruised areas around my lips. There was a little oozing as she suspected from my vagina. I appreciated Mom washing me, it was like a little girl experience I thought I would never have. She brushed my hair and some of the ground and street grit brushed out.

Some nurses stopped in during the evening, not only the ones checking on me. They liked talking to me, Mom and Cathy before she left. One had been back to her apartment and brought a nightgown for me. She laughed when I felt the need to tell her my period might start while I was wearing it. "It is yours if you want it or to throw away."

The evening doctor and a nurse checked my vagina for extra bleeding. It was a combination of pain and elation as they needed to touch and spread my lips. All of us saw the humor, but for me, it was embarrassing as well. Several times my butt rose off the mattress. The doctor asked what I was feeling. “Well dah,” Mom laughed at my response.

Come midnight I thought I was ready to sleep, but I didn’t anticipate the trauma. They put pads around the bed as well as having the sides up, so I wouldn’t get hurt. I knew I woke up twice; Mom said it was because I tried not to go back to sleep.

I and Mom wanted me to go home but Dr. Mercer suggested I stay another night and asked for Dr. Akers to come to me for a visit. That couldn’t be until after 6:00 p.m. the second night but she was more than willing to come.

The surprise of the day was when Ryta came to visit. A reporter from a lesbian community newspaper had already stopped by. I shared I didn’t know if I was a lesbian, but they said, “That is not a requirement for us to care about you. We are really a women’s newspaper, but we do get branded lesbian and we don’t fight it.”

The reporter knew Mom but was confused that we wouldn’t share where I was from. They did honor our right not to say. While I was talking to the reporter the mail came, I and Mom both opened cards until one was nasty. “You should expect what happened as long as you associate with sick friends. Your attackers are normal and you’re the SICK one! Wake up or expect more! Tough love,”

It wasn’t signed nor did it have a return address, but we did call the police and gave it over to them.

I got sick, then angry and it took me most of the day to settle down. It was good to see Ryta while in the hospital. I saw her first in the light of friendship. She went downstairs and brought back some ice cream and kept me company as Mom got away for a break.

Ryta asked how I came to know my Mom and that she took me in. Mistakenly I told her, “I was a street rat into self, into trouble and the system was ready to short sell me until she stepped in.”

Ryta interrupted and laughed, “You got to be joking I don’t see any sign of you as a guy who got himself in trouble. What did a good girl like you do that deserved someone’s wrath like that?”

I too laughed; I didn’t need to defend my statement because she didn’t believe it. “I don’t think Mom really wanted a daughter at that time or my age, but she felt it was needed. I think I am very fortunate to be her daughter.

“What I like is,” said Ryta, “you two could be sisters, somehow related by blood.”

I said, “I already like you, you don’t need to butter me up. But if you mean it I am really flattered,” though I didn’t see the resemblance.

The nurse came in and Ryta asked, "Do you think she looks like my mother?

“The woman who was in here, I thought they were sisters.” The nurse said and then looked at me for confirmation.

“She adopted me, but I am too old to be her daughter.”

“Why didn’t she just become your guardian, sisters can do that,” she said.

“But we weren’t related and…”

“You know you look like you are from the same family.” I was tickled to hear they both thought so. When Mom came back she agreed. She said, "We need a mother and daughter picture to be taken." I was feeling good until Dr. Akers came as well as a nurse to check and clean me.

Dr. Akers is generally good, but I knew she wanted me to talk about my attack and I didn’t feel up to it. She read my mind, “If we wait until you want to talk, the bad nights will continue. You will become like a balloon ready to explode.”

I knew she was right, but I still didn’t want to talk. Why can’t a doctor just start instead of telling me to start wherever I want. “I don’t want to so there!” We both pause and laugh. “I am babysitting and I took the children to the neighborhood park but three boys waited until we left. They attacked and beat me up. They said, ‘I was with people I shouldn’t be.’ Then one of them touched one of my children, I slapped the guy and they beat me up, end of story.”

“Was it that simple and quick?” Dr. Akers asked.

I began to cry, “You know it wasn’t, why do I need to relive the whole thing?” I knew part of the answer. “Can you guarantee me restful sleep if I do? ...I don’t think so.”

She was amused at my antics but knew they came from a hurting girl and she contained herself. “What would you like to do to those boys, Ashley?”

I pause and thought; I hoped Julio had already roughed up each one, but I didn’t know for sure. “They should dress them up as girls or guys in makeup and put them in prison.”

“Do you want them dead or just wishing they were dead?” she said. I had seen a guy beaten up on the street and left to die. I got sick and didn’t get to the bathroom in time.

“I guess I just want it done, I don’t want to know about it.” Dr. Akers paused, “So I don’t want it done, I am just angry, hurt and afraid!”

“What are you afraid of?” she asks.

Stupid questions I thought, “I can end up dead or hurt again. I don’t want someone else deciding who I can see or not, but I am afraid. Mom won’t let me carry a gun.”

“Did you ask her?”

“No, I didn’t ask her, I don’t want a gun! I don’t want to kill anyone, but right now I would hurt them if I could. I think I will feel like that for a long time and I shouldn’t have too!”

“I was on the streets and I didn’t feel like I do now. Now I am supposed to be a normal girl, is this how a girl should feel? I don’t think so, so why me?” I asked.

“There are no good answers to a question like that,” Doc said. “What good can you say about what happened?”

“Patti and Aidan weren’t hurt, Mom didn’t see me right away and they caught the bastards.” Dr. Akers was surprised I answered so fast.

“What if you have to testify against them in court?” she asked. I wanted the questions to stop, but I realized they wouldn’t until after a trial.

“I won’t cry for them, but I would if it helped me.” “I won’t be to blame for them going to jail; I’m more afraid nothing will happen. It may not stop someone else, but I hope it does.” I was crying enough by now that Dr. Akers stopped and then decided we had enough for today.

Mom, Ryta and two nurses came in, but none of them told me not to cry. I asked Ryta onto the bed and I gave her a big hug and held her there. I wasn’t ready to be her girlfriend, but I was close.

Joani and Maria came in before supper; I wanted to say some things that I didn’t. I knew it was not right to unload on them. I wanted their friendship though I didn’t trust it just now.

I was glad when they and others left and just Mom and I could talk or be quiet. I asked if it was alright if we put on the “no visitors” sign. Someone came and started to knock before they saw the sign.

Mom looked and told me one was Cassie, I asked Mom to ask her to come in. Neither Cassie nor I knew what to say at first. When we started to speak we started at the same time, though I was not certain what I was saying.

“Cassie, I was upset because you were afraid of coming out, I guess I understand better now. I’m sorry; I didn’t know that it can be so frightening.” Cassie started to cry and Mom gave her a hug. Cassie’s mom came into the room. She hugged her daughter, but it wasn’t the closeness I experience.

Cathy came into the room and gave Mom a hug and I think it made Cassie’s mom feel just a bit worse. It was ironic the one woman who knew she was straight felt uncomfortable. But she hugged Mom and me saying she was thankful I was okay. “It could have been my daughter, and I would have been in denial. I love her, but I haven’t been comfortable about it.”

It was good they came and we visited but I was glad that visiting time was over. Cathy was excusing herself, but I stopped her and asked her to take my Mom home. Mom looked like I just hurt her, but I knew she was tired.

“Mom, I need to try to sleep alone. I’m sure the nurses will check on me.”

It wasn’t twenty minutes and Nurse Susan came in, “I will be staying with you once my shift ends at 11:00 p.m. if that is okay.”

I had fallen asleep around 10:30 but by 11:00 woke up with my first bad dream. Susan was holding my hand, reminding me I was safe. I would have fallen back to sleep but my period had kicked in and I had to pee.

Mom didn’t say anything yesterday when Dr. Mercy thought I was beginning my period, but it just hit me. I wasn’t supposed to have any periods. If this was real or not, it was a lousy time to happen. I hadn’t known of water gains, bloating or menstrual cramps until tonight, I guess there are two sides to every coin. I was fortunate to have Susan with me.

Mom had called Susan at midnight, and they were amused at my expense. Susan told me, “Your mother says the period is not a complete surprise, but your doctor was not expecting your female organs to function but had told your mother there was the possibility. She will talk to you about that tomorrow.”

Susan talked to me, “Are you excited about the possibility of having children or was that something you didn’t want to think it would happen?” I was very tired, but I am now wound up with thoughts and possibilities.

“I didn’t think it could happen. I would like to have a child or two, but I might be a lesbian?” I watched for Susan’s reaction and was pleased that she smiled and did not make a face or any expression of judgment.

“I probably shouldn’t say anything, but silence in this area is often hard on girls. More girls and women consider the possibility of being in love with other women some time in their life than not.” I felt her statement begged the question if she had been, so I asked.

“I don’t feel obligated to tell you, but yes, I have and am considering the likelihood that I am attracted to other women. More often I enjoy the companionship of other women over being with a man. I too was attacked once by men.”

When I drifted off to sleep, I had disturbing dreams. But when I got restless seemingly Susan squeezed my hand that gave me a comfortable feeling about being with women.

I was awakened in the middle of the night by a nurse, with me clinging to Susan’s hand holding it up to my breasts. My pad needed to be changed and my crying came from pain had risen again.

Susan told me in the morning that there was a support group for young women that met at the hospital. She wanted to know if I went to a group meeting might it be upsetting if she too attended that group. I thought it would be a help and not a deterrent.

I would leave the hospital and go home today at noon, but Officer Tracy hoped to see me first. She came at 10:30; Mom was already there, as the pressing of charges and willingness to testify were being asked.

They were upfront about how hard it could be for a woman to go through the ordeal of a trial, but I had already decided to do so. Tracy said that the defendant was pressing for a trial, expecting the trauma to add to my uncertainty as a witness. Both sides were willing to waive depositions and so the trial was set for six weeks after the event.

Going home was more traumatic than I would have thought. Several of those who greeted me, whispered, “I hope you learned your lesson.” By the time I turned each person had turned their back to me and walked away. Mom saw my startled look and asked happened.

Mom said, “It hurts deep down when those you think are your friends are the ones who hurt you. It is hard for them to accept that their friends, the guys in the neighborhood, were the instigators. Many also tend to see women as more expendable and less important than men. That is even true of many we would call sisters.”

I had a restless night’s sleep and was glad to see the morning’s light. I quickly got dressed and was down to see Mom and Steffi for breakfast.

A Miss Constance McGregor from City Attorney’s Office called at 9:00 and would be here come 10:30 a.m. I took a shower to normalize my day. I put on a nice but plain pencil skirt, and blouse and did my hair into a simple ponytail. Doing the last of my makeup Mom came in and gave me a hug, ever so gently as my ribs were still sore.

Most of my bruising and injuries had disappeared or covered easily enough with makeup and clothing. “Mom before that woman comes; I have a different question I need to ask?” We went to our living area and sat down to talk. “Mom, how is it possible for me to have a period?”

Mom explained, “Back when you had your operation and the surgeon was surgically forming your vagina, she saw you have a uterus maturing and delicately joined the two together. She did not expect it to function, so we decided not to say anything unless it did.”

“The only explanation, she had is that your body had both organs and neither developed when normal at 12 because of poor nutrition. When hormones and a blocker were introduced to your system that was when your body decided you were female.”

Constance McGregor from the City Attorney’s Office was at the door when I answered it. I introduced myself and welcomed her in and up the stairs for our visit. Constance spoke first, “Well young woman, I am glad to meet you. I have spoken to Officer Tracy and she speaks very highly of you. Personally, I feel bad to put another woman through a trial like this. But I am very proud of you and will seek to be there for you throughout this case.”

“If what Tracy and others say is true, this man has met his match and would do better if he doesn’t let it go to trial. Ms. Bridgette Riley, I also appreciate the support you give to Ashley. When we visit privately I hope you would be comfortable in calling me Connie and Ms. McGregor in public.” Constance, Connie, took us through the information and understanding of the case from what she knew. We were pleased as she seemed to know our case and her stuff as a lawyer. The other two guys were not indicted yet, because Johnny wouldn’t give their names as he agreed to with Julio.

“Ashley, what would you like to see as the end result of this case,” Connie asked me?

“Well if I had my druthers John would be castrated, the two others would beat him as they did me and then all of them put into jail. And somehow I would lose my bitter feelings and I could sleep in peace from now on.”

I paused and collected my thoughts, “Realistically I am happy something is being done, I hope after it is all over I can be comfortable with myself. The outcome of a trial doesn’t seem to be in my hands. One way or another I hope justice catches up to them and someone else is helped by what we do. It is not enough that just one less woman experiences something like this.”

I say, “I am told they will try to make me a victim a second time; I intend not to give them any such satisfaction. I want him to be the one who is f* this time!” Connie smiled, seemingly pleased with my thoughts and strength.

“You haven’t been with Bridgette all that long so where did you gain the strength and ability I see in you?”

“I haven’t been here long, but Bridgette has helped me to go from being a surviving ‘street rat’ to embrace being a young woman with a whole life before her. I am not only loved her, but I have also come to love myself and I won’t let that be taken from me.”

“I hope you can get Johnny to acknowledge he has beaten others and he doesn’t intend to change his spots. The jury or the judge shouldn’t want to see him and the others on a street when they are alone.”

Mom and Connie said, “Very well put young lady.” Connie went on to say, “I think we can probably achieve that with this case.” Mom was a good host and we all had lunch together at the house. During which I asked about possibly being a lesbian and it was held against my decision of who was a friend.

“I can’t say it wouldn’t. I do believe if you have friends there to give you support and even show some affection, you will do well.” She went on, “If the other side tries to make it an issue, I expect we can make them regret doing so.”

I would be glad when the trial was done. Tomorrow and the rest of the week, I would get to watch Patti and Adian at our place. Mom or Steffi would be with me when I took them outside. Yards in NYC are usually the size of a postage stamp so going to a park was pretty much required.

I did have one pair of designer jeans I could comfortably wear and a lightweight blouse with long sleeves both worn to cover the fading bruises. Adian came bouncing up the steps at 8:00 a.m. and when he bounced up on me I knew the pain of the beating had subsided but not disappeared. My arms were also sore but not too sore to stop from hugging them both.

We played board games on the floor, I read stories and we all colored pictures. I had made tuna salad sandwiches for lunch along with apple slices. Today the children were easy to please. We used Patti’s dolls and Aidan's stuffed animals to play in the afternoon. I was delighted when Aidan said, “My stuffed doggie is a puppy so I need to bottle feed it like Patti is doing with her baby doll. I won’t get in trouble will I?”

“Why do you think I might get angry, Aidan,” I felt the need to ask?

“We had a babysitter, she said I shouldn’t do girl things,” he said with a bit of worry. I continue to be surprised that even girls and women say insensitive things.

I was soon up and about things as normal and felt a bit more at ease when I saw Jess or other street guys watching me when I took children to a park. I usually waited till after I watched the children visit with Jess or other street people. The day I didn’t babysit I usually went to a park to eat lunch. Jess and I felt it was a bit like dating.

The August date for working on schools was a big success as well over a hundred schools in the city, metropolitan area of New Jersey and Connecticut area had people helping in their schools. I helped in a school in Brooklyn and we had enough people to work on 10 classrooms and some students cleaned or painted the halls.

The Reporter Jack Cafferty covered the event once again. While he visited with us his report focused on two other schools that were worked on. The following day he did a report on two schools who said they were taking care of their own schools. Mr. Cafferty showed little was done in one school and nothing was done in another, despite 8-12 volunteers being known of for either school.

A third of the schools had union volunteers working along with other union staff who were being paid. Except for Mr. Cafferty’s reports, I was told all other reports were about Unions being the problem. Many union workers could document 20-100 hours per year done as volunteers, mostly in the areas of their skills with their unions buying material.

Because I was still healing at that time, I didn’t do much work but did serve sandwiches and drinks.

Just before School started the Trial started, Patti was a witness via a camera. Both Constance as the prosecuting attorney and I were upset when the questioning went a bit overboard. Fortunately, Patti did well and didn’t know the offense she might have felt.

Johnny’s attorney, however, did not spare me any quarter. He tried to show between Collin, Jess, and Ryta that I was a promiscuous teenage girl. He and Constance did prove I was a healthy girl. Connie in redirect was able to portray their case as a fishing expedition that came up with nothing.

Once questioned by the Defense attorney, I was asked about Bridgette's lifestyle as a single woman, raising a teenage girl with predominantly women friends or roommates, whom he insinuated possibly stayed together at night. I lost my cool for a moment and he snickered, “What a troubled young teenage girl needs, what could be worse than her being raised by a woman of questionable lifestyle? It shouldn’t be surprised, the kind of woman she was becoming.”

I thought I was talking to myself but the microphone on the witness stand caught me, “It could have been worse, I could have been raised by a lawyer and a shark, or worse two lawyers.” When the courtroom broke out in laughter, the attorney objected at my statement.

Before the judge ruled she asked the attorney, “Are you wanting just her overt statement stricken from the record or both?” Constance had already risen and the attorney knew she would be objecting to his statement. He had stumbled again from what he thought would appear as higher ground.

By the end of that day in court, the defense was looking for a plea agreement for a lesser sentence. He got the shorter sentence as he thought would be good, five years not the likelihood of fifteen. But Johnny needed to give the names and testify against the other two attackers. What Constance knew as likely, the defense did not; Judge Conner did not like plea agreements. She approved the five-year sentence but without parole; something the Defense objected to. But it was well within the realm of the judge’s discretion. “Further objection and I will put it at seven years without parole; (pause) hearing none done and done.” Were her final words before dismissing the jury.

Saturday before school started, Joani Richards had arranged a double date for her and me. My date was Marcus Horner. I agreed to go because Joani would not have been able to go out otherwise. I didn’t expect I was going to like Marcus as I did. He was only 5’ 11” and average at first appearance, but he was affectionate without pushing into my space. He didn’t try to kiss me until we were saying goodnight and I said he could. He asked me out for the following weekend to a dance at his school. And without a second thought, I found myself saying yes and exchanging phone numbers.

When I went into our house, Mom asked, “What went wrong?”

I could only respond, “I like him and agreed to another date.”

Mom asked, “So wha

t is wrong about that?”

“I’m just coming to accept I am a lesbian that is what’s wrong. Lesbians don’t go out with guys because they feel something for them.”

Mom and Steffi both giggled like they were teenagers laughing at their friend. Steffi, “You know your body is alive and strung tight enough right now that by a boy or girl you could easily be turned on. If you accept a date with one of the horses at Central Park or Times Square then you should be worried.”

Mom gave me a hug, “Honey, your defenses were down, you’re attracted to him and he was nice and affectionate to you. What isn’t there to like? I can only think it is an answer to prayer that you don’t get caught up in any one relationship. Remember you are only fourteen.”

Mom visited with me as I got ready for bed and I visited with Mom as she got ready for bed. I found myself again being envious with how beautiful she was and the maturity of her body. “Mom, do you think I will ever be beautiful like you? I don’t expect to be as beautiful, but I would like to be pretty.”

Mom got defensive, “I probably shouldn’t be changing in front of you for one thing. Secondly, I am upset you don’t understand you are already pretty, but appearance should not be as important as it is. You should be loving yourself as you are.”

“I know what are you telling me, but didn’t you when you grew up and even now have the want to be as attractive as you can,” Ashley?

She laughed and gave me a big hug and a smooch on the cheek. “You are right; I was probably 20 years old going into my junior year at college before I realize what I am asking of you.”

I got angry as I almost believed her, “You’re making fun of my being a naíve girl.” She agreed and commenced in tickling me until I couldn’t stop laughing and wet in my nightgown.

Mom calmly had me disrobe and look into her long mirror. “Honey look at the beautiful person you are.” Mom was behind me, holding me in her arms, “Your vagina and hair there as well as your breasts already show a good looking woman. I am very proud of whom you are becoming and the mirror only shows the surface of your beauty.”

My eyes teared as I turned around and hugged her. I would have gone straight to bed, “Young woman unless you want a bad infection, I encourage you to learn to keep your body clean.”

The next day Ryta, Cassie, Joanie and I went shopping for last minute school stuff on Sunday. Other than school supplies, we did little more than window shopping and trying on clothes. I did buy two bra and panty sets as both my hips and chest were growing. I was embarrassed because I was smaller than them. I wasn’t going to let them see me, but they forced their way to sneak a peek. I was happy because they liked the way I looked and I had picked my bra accordingly…

 
To Be Continued...
 

 

by Jessica C.

 

---

Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

---

 
 
Chapter 6
 
Like any teenager, in a new situation, I'm unsure of things, but I’m growing quickly in confidence about what I know and understand. One might expect the street beating to have shaken scared, but my ego boldly reminds me, I’ve been a Street Rat, thus a survivor; even more, I now take my middle name Phoenix-like others wear a cross. Bridgette and Cathy know that in the shadows of sleep the shadows of that beating and being Jack a street kid still haunt me and I cry, but they’ll be the only ones.

It is a week before school and if I am not shopping or hanging out with my friends, as today I am probably at school. I like being around women that I can look up to. They are not stuffy bloused B**s; Deanna Briggs, Kelli Geortelli, Ms. Crowley and Ms. Miller are women in various stages of someone Ashley wants to be or learn from. Yes, there are other teachers like Mr. Heard, Johnston, and Corelli that Ashley likes to be around for learning.

Today, I came early to work with Deanna Briggs and Ms. Miller a third-year teacher. Steph Miller is also the Junior Varsity volleyball coach and she wants me to do weight training for the season ahead. I like the idea of weight training unless it proves to be muscle development and not figure watching. Actually, it does a great job in toning the body and sculpting my growing curves.

Come noon till one-thirty enough women teachers and varsity and junior varsity girls show up to get in very active games of volleyball. Several varsity girls got on my ass last week and drilled me to learn the game. They say, "Or sit your ass on the side." Well, Ashley is neither a threat to them nor threatened by them, I’m not usually sitting on the side. When teachers don’t object, we even have a fan base of guys watching. Shorts, nice butts, hips, and tops will do that.

Having willing students around also helps teachers setting up their classrooms. Joani and I searched and printed off life-size figures of Abigail Adams, George Washington, and General Pulaski for American History, as well as locating site locations nearby where history happened. New York City, seen by many as a melting pot has its share of ethnic neighborhoods that were or are still enclaves or ghettos. The City holds the best and worst of what people can be.

I met other students as well some who helped in refurbishing the school earlier in August; there was Cathy, not mom’s friend, a girl in my grade, Monica, Kelli, Sierra, and Tasha, as well as Gabe, Miguel, Tony, and Mo. Mo’ was a compromise from his given name of Moses to Muhammad as he liked. Ryta, Joani, Cassie, Maria, and Collin continued as friends as well. Luckily I only met two to three a given day. Still, I have more trouble matching names with ones I like or trust or not.

You need to know the city to appreciate and enjoy the 'in your face attitude' of some like Mo and me or Jess from the Street. Mo and I were not instantly friends but we over time built respect for the other. His world wasn’t safe as mine as he said; if he had received my beating, he said, he would have been dead, either from the beating or waiting for help. "Ambulances don’t arrive in all neighborhoods with the same sense of emergency."

Tuesday, I went home with Mo’s sister Terese but was in trouble with my Mom when I called for a ride. “What are you doing in that neighborhood?”That was the nice part of that lecture. But Teresse and I already heard it from Mo, their Mom, and a few neighbors. Clarice told me not only face to face but in my face, thinking it was my play for Mo who was her guy.

It was true, it wasn’t the same neighborhood, but I had already experienced the downside of two good neighborhoods. Clarice would attend Beacon Hill High this year, kind of riding the coattails of Mo playing sports there. Yes, she had to prove herself twice as much as some. She was afraid if Mo wasn’t her guy she might not be at Beacon Hill. I could appreciate that Ashley or Jack wouldn’t be here either, save Bridgette.

More than one teacher, parent, and student were not happy about my relationship with Street People. With the refurbishing of schools with Street Kids helping out, there was a concern of young people taking off to the streets. Jack Cafferty the TV news guy helped us to address the issue. “No Street Kids are not the nice ‘Lost Boys of Peter Pan’s Neverland’. They are lost people, some victims, some users but almost all survivors whose bad days outnumber their good days.”

The truth was most runaways in NYC were quickly lost in the system, did despicable things, and if smart probably ran away from the City. A runaway’s problems had to be pretty bad to become a Street Kid. Many joined gangs before they went that way. Some think Gangs and Street people are the same, but that's only if you aren’t one of “Them”.

Teacher Deanna Briggs and I quickly became good friends, partly because we were both new and we met early. Like Bridgette, I liked that she was attractive and intelligent. She had a love for teaching, as students would easily see. What most didn’t know but would soon find out she was not a pushover and had savvy for being new in a classroom.

I don’t know more than Hoboken is a community across the river in Jersey, but I guess it wasn’t all pretty especially being brought up by a single working mother. Deanna had a small scar on her face that was visible and another on her arm that was usually covered by long sleeves. Listening and taking time with people one comes to hear what they don’t readily share with everyone.

I think she confided in me, hoping in time I would confide in her. She was one of a few who could see the dark shadows and scars I carried. “Ashley, something is eating at you and either it comes out and gets a release or it stays in there and does damage.” Dr. Ann agreed when I told her, she said, “Someday you will want to tell a friend like Deanna in the outside world.”

“Hi, I’m Ken you know me as Paul’s brother.” It took me a few minutes then I remembered the waiter Mom and I met earlier in the summer. Like Paul, he was tall and good looking and as I supposed with Paul he seemed to have some substance. He was sixteen but already six one and like me, he had dark hair. Unlike Paul, it was longer and while not fully combed the wavy hair was nicely kept.

Ken would have backed off if I let him; he was too shy for his own good. Before he left me alone I coaxed a date for Friday night’s dance. Mom said I need to get permission first but she did make an exception as I expected. When Ken called I did ask if he had a friend for Joani which worked out well.

Earlier on Friday, I was babysitting Mrs. Geortelli’s children, and this time as Joani was with me when we went to the park. Baby Adian is cute as they come, as is Kelli’s little girl, Patti has remained outgoing at three and a half I was kept busy keeping an eye on her. Guys thought they could use the two as reasons to flirt with me. I had no trouble turning them off and keeping my focus. Like today both Julio and a beat officer were close and mindful of my past experience.

Having a date with Ken brought out the humor from Aunt Cathy, “Ashley you may need to watch out for a girl name ‘Barbie’ if this gets serious.” It also brought a talk from Mom about not letting things get serious or going too far. That was alright with me as both of my biological parents were missing to give me the lecture. Thursday night when Bridgette met with a client or Wednesday when Mom helped Steffi with another guy, it caused me to think of how Ken might look in femme. I found the idea pleasing as well as reminding me of the sensitivity I found in Ken.

I like the idea of Ken in a satin shirt, but I think the satin shirt and tie combos are lame. If a guy was to cross over I would like it to be just between us. ‘What am I thinking, don’t get ahead of myself Ashley.’

Ryta and Cassie both came to the dance but Cassie resisted dancing with Ryta until after I did. Ken wasn’t sure of what to make of my actions but that was okay for me. We had a live band tonight and they were unusually good. Ken and Joani made sure whoever from the school arranged dances knew about them.

The dance came off fine and Ken and I had a great time. Our first kiss was during a slow dance and his lips were warm. I parted my lips just a little teasing him to go further. We did have a very nice time saying goodnight. We were just inside the first set of doors when we hugged and kissed. Even with heels, I had to reach up for our embrace. My nipples responded and my panties became warm. I tried to be subtle in pressing to feel his aroused cock, but I really liked him.

Come Labor Day Weekend I was getting anxious and didn’t realize why. I had thought of school earlier in the summer, but like a lot of things stuffed it down inside. Mom and I were shopping for school supplies and were now at the library when the anxiety attack hit. I began to cry, seemingly without any reason but Mom knew. “Ash honey, it has been almost five years since you went to school. I suspect Tom/Jack did not have the expectations you put on yourself.”

“Mom I don’t…” but I was choking on my own words. A librarian told us to ‘Shush’ and another escorted us to a study room, for which my Mom said thanks. Cathy was with us and she massaged my shoulders as Mom and I talked. I could feel Cathy work against knots and tightness forming.

Mom asked, “What grades are you expecting?” My expectations of Cs and Ds did not match up well with the B's and A's I wanted. In truth, I was afraid of failing subjects and falling behind. I wanted to be smart but I see myself as being a dumb student. I also wanted to be liked but knew teens could be cruel.

“Mom is Julio going to be around if I need him? Can I come home if I get too nervous?” Mom’s hands were warm and I knew I had her support, but her answers were ‘No’.

“If you need to come home and cry after school I will be there. The first week can be hard, but it can be good or terrible; you better plan to make it a good and enjoyable time. I believe in you Ash; now is the time for you to embrace Phoenix and embrace the new you.”

I stopped at the women’s room refreshing my makeup. I find makeup like therapy; reflecting when I feel better about myself. I ask Cathy if we could go to her place and have my hair done. They were planning to take me home and go out themselves. Cathy made sure it wouldn’t change the evening. Mom had more than a tinge of motherhood tugging at her but we all knew she needed her own time out.

While my hair was being done, I called around to see if I could be with anyone. There was but it was Ryta and I wasn’t sure Mom would say yes. My choice was Ryta’s if her parents were home or an early movie. We went to a girl movie with each paying our way. We saw it as a date/friendship time.

It was near the end of the movie we first kissed. I kind of thought it should be Ryta and Cassie. I wasn’t comfortable with the thought of being a lesbian, even though I was attracted to Ryta. I was glad to come to the end of the movie she suggested we visit the restroom as our makeup needed fixing. We smiled at each other having enjoyed our time together.

There was something about the night I was not comfortable with and I told Ryta she couldn’t walk home alone. There was more than one siren going off as we made our way home. Ryta’s folks weren’t home or answering so we needed to wait for Mom except she was to be out late too. Mom permitted Ryta to stay over.

Ryta filled out my lingerie better than I did, which was fine with me. She also knew how to touch another girl better than I did. The nicest part was she knew to take time. It was two o’clock when Mom came home and she knocked on the door to my room before entering. She was neither surprised nor judging at finding us sharing the bed. “Just make sure you take the time to be friends first and last,” was all she said, before giving me a kiss goodnight.

I thought I was going to fall right back to sleep, but Ryta drew my hand to her and I enjoyed giving her the attention this time. Come morning, I awoke to find myself under the covers and using her left thigh as a pillow.

It was after Ryta left that Mom took me aside and gave me another mother/daughter talk. “Ashley you know it’s not about her being another girl, but you need to take relationships slower. If you like her, realize if it is real she will be staying around and you don’t need to be in a hurry. If you are afraid it is what you need to do then you need the time and space to grow and mature. I want you to take the time to learn the beautiful side of being a woman. You will be on a short leash for a while”

Mom and I talked a good while. I was surprised when I visited Ryta, how she understood and agreed with Mom. She simply said, “I’m sorry but when you were open, I just went as far as I could… I want to continue to be your friend, but I need to wait to see where things go with Cassie before we date again.” I laughed to myself, thinking that was good as it would be a while before Mom allowed me to date in general and longer like three years before she would allow me to go out with Ryta.

Labor Day Weekend is really big in the Big Apple. Like the Statue of Liberty in the harbor, Labor Day celebrates the contributions of common workers. There were concerts in Central Park and elsewhere. Many celebrated the diversity of the City’s workforce but criticism and judgment of other interests also rose their disturbing faces. Mom, Cathy, Steffi, and I were part of those celebrating the many forms of diversity.

Mom, Cathy, and I went to a community service in Harlem; I had never before heard Black or Hispanic preachers in their element. We were standing as much as we sat during the service which lasted two hours. It was vibrant, filled with music, spirit, and strong uplifting of people and God. A good number of the crowd seemed to know Mom and Cathy. Some warmly welcomed and encouraged us to be actively involved in the service. I found myself holding and relating to several children as they were often passed or free to move around.

More than one Hispanic or Black guy sought to show his interest in me. I was flattered and a bit interested, but it seemed to turn off some guys when I showed interest in sexual diversity as well. I actually shared my email or phone number about causes, not individuals. I watched a few musicians seeing how hard it was to adjust to playing a keyboard or guitar. The music had an upbeat and unpredictable jazz style to it.

We ate after the service, it was a mix of foods I knew, soul or Hispanic dishes I did not. Mom tended not to tell me until after I ate, what I was eating. She warned me if she knew something might be really hot. Some people watch to see if I ate something unusual, or too spicy or too hot.

After I ate, Cathy suggested Mom wait until most of it digested before she told me of a few items. When Mom wasn’t looking someone slipped me a small Dixie cup of something clear to drink which I hurried and swallowed in one gulp. It burned going down and caused me to get a little lighted headed but with some rice and food, the problems did not last terribly long. Mom suspected some guy gave me, a shot of tequila, though it was not officially allowed at the meal.

After that, I watched and smelled closely what I was drinking. I joined in some of the community dances of the women as did Mom and Steff. Cathy decided to watch as did many others. Some of the people were upset that we and others were there partly because of sexual diversity. I became afraid that the situation could get out of control. I followed the lead of my Mom and Cathy who stayed calm though they acknowledged they believed differently.

It was understood by many that the division and expressed differences were part of the day’s events which was not limited to the community service. The differences between Blacks and Hispanics as well as within each group of people that were present as well as the society in which they lived were discussed and sometimes argued about. So people having differences with us expressed them more openly. But before we left people differing in viewpoints as well as backgrounds came over and visited with us. I was moved as they respected us and even conveyed a love for us. I was humbled, it was an understanding that came easily to me. I hoped Mom was not disappointed in me. I had room for growth as well as feelings and judgment I needed to own up to and deal with.

On the way home I told Mom “I felt like a fool in realizing ugly things about me in the front of other people. I wish you had told me so I didn’t do it.”

Bridgette said, “Now that you know and have expressed it, you are more likely to wrestle with it. It may not be nice but it was better than a lecture that you would probably have discounted. Do you think you will really wrestle with what you heard and saw about yourself?”

Cathy spoke, “Your Mom may not appreciate me saying this, but I’m tired of you pussy-footing around the possibility of being attracted to other girls. It comes across as a put down of my relationship with your Mom. I don’t think you intend it that way. In some ways, you don’t have another place to go. I love you but sometimes feel like I'm something less in your eyes!”

I hoped Mom would speak up as I wasn’t sure what I should say. It wasn’t what I meant to do, but I also knew what I had been doing. “Mom and Steffi are doing some deep stuff with people, that’s over my head and I am open to learning. Becoming Ashley I realize I love people like you, Mom, and Ryta, but you’re right whether it is a temporary thing or who I am; I would rather get by being nice and safe than accept who I am or the people I have come to love.”

“I wished Bridgette would act more like the mother I wanted. I want her to tell me what to say and believe.” I was crying as my voice rose. “I love you, Cathy, you have been so good to me and you accepted my crap. Different than you think, I could go someplace else. I am ashamed of me but I haven’t left because this is where I want to be!”

I broke down in tears trying to say more but I was crying too much and the words weren’t enough. When we got home Mom and Cathy took me to my room and talked with me. “Ashley Phoenix,” I thought I was in big trouble, “I am proud of you. I hope you grew some today… I suspect it may be harder because I don’t give you simple answers or try to answer for you. I love you too much to do that. You won’t be through growing up, tomorrow, or any day soon, but I would like to help you do whatever I can to help you to accept yourself and us as we are. Cathy is right it does hurt a lot, but I love you way more. I will continue to be your Mom. You need to keep that in mind.”

I was hugging Mom, “Mom, I think you know it wasn’t about you and Cathy. I’m sorry I hurt you. I am not sure if I am bisexual, a lesbian, or heterosexual, but I know I need to accept myself and not in terms of good or bad. I couldn’t do better than being like you. You are not who I thought you are. You're much more.”

Mom wondered if I still thought I could go elsewhere. She knew I meant back to the streets and subway. “I technically could, but as a girl, I would probably find myself hooking up with a guy for protection. It’s neither something I’m considering nor something I would choose. I would have done it before becoming Ashley. Here is the best place I could have to be me.

“Things right now are so exciting as well as so overwhelming. Being a girl and going back to school isn’t a choice it is who I am and what I need to do.”

“The other evening I saw some guy coming to the house and I could see he was scared about becoming more feminine. I felt for him but I knew he was coming to the best place.”

Mom hugged me saying, “Now it is your turn to be scared living one day at a time as the person you will continue to be.”

Labor Day, was the first time for me as Ashley to enjoy a big fancy parade in New York City. Usually, a street kid got to see bits and pieces and that from a distance someplace no one else wanted or knew how to get into. Aunt Cathy’s was closer to the parade route so we went there for a light breakfast. Some friends had saved a spot on the parade route in a third-floor office.

Jess had spotted Ashley on her way and come to the end of the parade he and Norm waited in hope that I would return the same way we came. They needed to wait and avoid blocking the crowd from leaving the parade area. It was an awkward moment as we met on the streets. Ashley and Bridgette recognized and were happy to see the guys, but it was not like greeting regular friends. The guys weren’t terribly clean and within eight feet their odor was quite noticeable.

I wanted to visit and Mom was willing; it took a moment as Ash to think of a place between there and Cathy’s, where two vacant lots that afforded us a place to meet. On the way, Bridgette stopped in a neighborhood deli and got seven sandwiches and some drinks to share during the visit. We would eat later so we shared half a sandwich now. The guys were thankful, but it was uncommon to be treated on equal terms.

Life in some ways was better for them as the ‘Street people’ were known and a bit more respected from helping out in schools but like me, they paid a price dished out by others. Unlike Ashley, they were not swept off to a hospital. Except for one guy who hadn’t been seen nor heard of since. Hopefully, he was better off, but in NYC that would be a big hope with a bigger question mark? Norm shared a pilot education program in Manhattan was scheduled to begin this week. Word was textbooks were supplied in insufficient numbers as materials to improve the buildings where classes were held.

Bridgette said she would have Julio or Hector look into it as their program for Street Girls had similar experiences the past week. Mom, Julio, and Hector having something to do with a program for Street Girls was news to me, but I knew not to bring it up at the moment.

Bridgette found times with Street Kids and the homeless to be bittersweet because of the lingering effect it had on her Ashley. They enjoyed the encounters and did what they could but it was heart-wrenching especially for Ash each time they went their separate ways.

Even with limited physical contact, the women felt a need to change and shower at Cathy’s place and it put us an hour behind for getting up to Central Park and two concerts. One was with named performers but few big names, as the theme of the concert was for social justice and the plight of everyday workers. Mom said Harry Belafonte was a big-name star but I hadn’t heard of him or known much about the Civil Rights Movement or the War of Poverty of which they mentioned with him.

I asked Cathy how and where the War on Poverty took place. I didn’t understand; it sounded like some protests I saw on TV where there were people with signs and stones on one side and people with weapons on the other.

I asked if there was a cemetery for the veterans of those who actually died in the war. She said some cemeteries have a pauper’s section but the graves were unmarked and either in a remote area or scattered throughout the cemetery. I figured my Uncle Ralph must have been either a veteran or someone who died in the war because I knew dad had shown me his grave and it had no tombstone.

Dad, I hadn’t thought of him or my other family in a long time. Mom had said part of dad’s trouble had to do with a fight he was in when he served in the Army. Yuck, why was I remembering this stuff when they didn’t care about me. I suspected I could use two hours the next day when I saw Dr. Ann.

When we finally got to Central Park we found a place to spread out our blanket for the concert, but Mom and I went walking around the Park. I felt awkward like any teen walking around with her Mom. Fortunately, most people thought we were either sister or an aunt and niece. If we bumped into anyone we knew it was almost always someone mom knew too. A lot of people looked familiar to me but I wasn’t sure of names or if I really knew them at all.

Sometimes it was really spooky because some people one really doesn’t want to be around will get right into one’s face and I am not always sure if I know them or not. Today as we were walking around we ran into the social worker who felt it was her personal duty to treat me like crap.

I didn’t recognize her until it was too late to avoid her. She complimented Mom on how I looked, but she was sure that appearances were deceiving. Eventually, it was obvious that she was still her bitter self and she held a grudge against the arbitrator who discounted her. She got the message that her change in jobs was meant to be a demotion.

I had been hungry before seeing her but lost my appetite much to Mom’s disappointment. She too was hungry but nice enough to wait until I was ready to eat. Being taken in by Bridgette as my Mom was quite a blessing as she didn’t baby me. She had a good sense of when to be there for me. Like even though I didn’t want to eat, Mom knew I needed something like water or Seven-up to drink or I'd really get sick. Central Park is quite large, has so many paths and things to see. I had been in it many times but usually was moving too fast or preoccupied with something to really see it.

Like the area where the concert was held was much bigger than one would expect to find in the middle of Manhattan. I put my head down on Mom’s lap and lied still until I felt better. I did nuzzle up in Cathy’s arms for a time as Mom and someone went to get some food. Leave it to Mom to come back with various cartons of Chinese and Thai food.

Come, early evening Peter, Paul, and Mary were to sing and they sent people around to gather about twenty teens to sing the chorus for several of their songs. I didn’t want to do it until I was picked. Some woman asked Mom if I knew sorrow and to be without. Mom looked at me to see if it was okay and then told the woman "She had been a ‘Street Rat’." Initially, the woman thought Mom was joking and then had trouble believing it was true. Only after I said it was okay as I didn’t really want to sing that she urged me to take part.

We had to practice a half hour before we went on. I don’t know if we added much to the sound of singing the songs. Mom and Cathy said we did and people complimented us but I’m still not convinced. Peter, Paul & Mary have a neat way of delivering a song, where some of the songs and their message are bigger than them. They would rather you go home with the song in your heart and thought about it than give them a standing ovation. Mary impressed me as a strong person. I kind of looked up to her but I was moved because I thought she was more sensitive than people perceived.

After we sang our parts most scattered back to their people but I and four others took advantage and sat down close in front of them. We kind of became an Amen corner not so much in volume but spirit. They seemed moved and appreciative as it affected the audience to come more alive as well. Cathy wanted me to go back to Mom but she was nice enough to stay down front with me for the rest of their set.

I didn’t ask for it but I happily accepted an autographed picture of the three of them. Mary even wrote a note “Don’t lose your spirit.” I cried and hugged her which I didn’t think she expected.

We stayed around another two hours and made our way home so Bridgette and Cathy could have a good evening out. I should be spending more time with arithmetic and history but I chose just to read and go on the internet.

On the last day of vacation Joani, Marie, and I went to the Intrepid Air, Sea, and Space Museum. It might not seem like a girly thing to do but we went trolling for guys and were right it was a good location. We got our choice of guys as well as how close they got. Guys for some reason like showing things to girls with one arm around the girl and the other pointing to something obvious.

Jason an incoming student to Fordham bought my lunch. When he heard my name he asked if I was related to Ms. Riley who taught a Liberation Studies class at Fordham. He said a classmate was asking him to sign up for the class at the urging of a coed-classmate. I confessed I knew someone who might, but I didn’t know she was to be an instructor this semester.

When I got home and asked Mom about it she said, “Yes I am an adjunct instructor for that class. But no I will not be taking guys as far as you are imagining.” When I asked her how far she would be taking them; she changed the subject and I knew to do the same.

I was up before 6:00 a.m. on Wednesday and had my outfit chosen and out the night before. I felt good taking my shower and feeling like the girl I saw in the mirror. My hair had the body and a sheen that it didn’t have when I first became Ashley by name. I was pretty good at brushing it out and getting the look I wanted. I was dressed and down to breakfast.

Mom was up and making breakfast and by her smile, I wasn’t sure if she was as proud as I was. She giggled, “Most Moms when they see their little girl go to school are not watching a young woman starting high school.”

“Do you wish it was your own girl and she was getting ready for kindergarten?”

Mom stepped forward and hugged me, “I guess you don’t know how important you are to me?” I went to my knees and said, “No Mommy I know I am your little girl in big girl clothes.” Cathy and Steffi had entered the kitchen behind Mom; Cathy had a balloon and flowers I requested she get for my Mom. Steffi and Cathy hugged Mom and me and then Steffi took over serving breakfast.

I knew Cathy and Mom were proud and happy for me.

After I changed out of my clothes, the dress I picked out was shorter than I wanted my first day. It was not outrageous but it was shorter than I wanted for my first day. But it was now harder to think and focus on the tasks at hand such as my make-up and getting ready for school. Mom finally sat me down and helped me with my last preparations. “Mom I could have done it but being my first day it was just too much.”

She smiled, “I am glad it all means that much to you. You are a beautiful young woman and you need to know how proud I am of you this morning. But I do not want you worried so much you can’t be you. It will be hard enough; I want you to do the best you can but know it might take a while to adjust.”

It was twelve blocks to school but today Mom walked with me to school. She needed to sign some papers. There were some heckles about being a mommy’s girl but most of that faded away with several friends and their friends stepping forward to welcome me. Ken joked, “Between looking sharp, being likable and thinking for yourself, and most importantly being a lowly ninth grader that's why you attract some flack.”

Mom went into the office to sign papers as I found my homeroom. I got Mrs. Crowley for Homeroom as well as Algebra, Ms. Briggs for Biology, Mr. Edwards for American History, Mrs. Geortelli for both English and Women in Literature, and Ms. Braun for Life Skills and German Studies. Simple things like getting to the net class were complicated for me and the first two days I was late for several classes.

Ms. Braun and Mrs. Geortelli were most helpful; Ms. Braun even volunteered to tutor me in math. I had actually worked on reading, math, science, and history as a street rat from discarded books and newspapers. But I still had fallen dramatically behind in most classes. Skill and intelligence testing showed I had the ability to learn. Come, the end of Thursday, I was ready to chuck the whole school thing.

Mom texted me, she would pick me up from school, as she wanted my help in taking textbooks around. Mom had a van from Star Academy that was loaded. We started down closer to lower Manhattan where Norm’s school program was held. We had at least two cases of textbooks as well as ten portable computers for the school there. Norm and Cody had stayed after school to help unload our vehicle. I suspected along with the stuff we were bringing the school would be well equipped. Sadly it was worse than Norm previously described.

The Star Academy, however, was a good surprise. It was the second year of the Academy and was home and school to ten to twelve girls 12-20 of age now off the streets of NYC. Mace a fifteen-year-old girl tried to gross me out by showing one of her breasts had been badly cut. It was repulsive but with her now being safe, I didn’t let it get to me. There was one girl I recognized from working near Hell’s Kitchen. She didn’t recognize me but she and two other girls knew of Jack.

It surprised me to find Cathy as one of the instructors and emergency residential staff. It was surprising also because my Mom was also one of the founders and general supporters of the Academy. Mom apologized stating “The girls are at risk for violence from perpetrators, pimps, and even family.” I said with a bit of anger toward Mom and Cathy that they should have told me. Cathy responded straightforwardly saying, “You know if you want to befriend any of them you would first need to be in group therapy for a while with them.” It was a challenge I took up but it would prove more than I bargained for.

Mom took me aside, “Ashley you have started as a pretty woman, but as your mother, I will help challenge you about how deep that beauty goes.” What they did not know because I wouldn’t let on was things were getting overwhelming. I had called Ryta about picking me up down around the corner.

It was just after midnight when Mom caught me at the front door ready to bolt. Ryta had called my Mom and early in the morning Mom, Cathy and Dr. Ann intervened as I was depressed and wanting to run away. Dr. Ann Akers had warned Mom such a time was likely; she helped me to calm down from being too anxious, but would not fully sedate me. I would need to go to school the next day as well as have my first tutoring session with Ms. Briggs, but the remainder of the weekend was limited to the home.

It hurt Mom immensely that her daughter was so troubled, my sense of being broken and cast off affected more than just me. I was fortunate school starting up was just the symptom and catalyst to bring crashing down my barriers between others and me.

The weekend allowed Dr. Ann, Mom, and Cathy to drop other things and devote their time and energy to me. Come Saturday evening I felt like a washrag that had been rung-out multiple times and was now drying out. Time of opening up, revelations, and crying were not over but were becoming manageable.

Sunday afternoon Deanna Briggs and Ryta were invited over as Mom wanted one of my friends and someone at school to know what I was dealing with. It wasn’t a pleasant time in terms of being joyous for me. It was a good time as far as being constructive. Some of what was troubling me were in the light of day and problems and the past spoke aloud but I wasn’t being judged.

As Mom alluded to how I felt in becoming her daughter I had picked up another mask that of being outwardly pretty…
 
 
Character List:

Ashley/ Jack
Bridgette — Mom
Cathy — Best Friend; Steffi — Business partner, housemate friend
Joyce — Bad social worker; Officer Roger — Friend to Jack
Dr. Ann Akers — Psychiatrist; Officer Tracy
Deanna Briggs — New Teacher; Kelli Geortelli — Teacher at Beacon Hill School
Patti and Aidan - Mrs. Kelli Geortelli’s children
Jess, Norm, and Cody - Street friends
Dr. Johnson; Dr. Reid - Surgeon
Joani and Collin Richards —Friends; Mr. Richards
Johnny (nasty), Val — Friends of Collin
Marie, Cassie, Ryta - Friends
Constance (Connie) McGregor — Assistant City Attorney
Dr. Mercer at Columbia Presbyterian; Paramedic — Maria Lopez

---

 
 
To Be Continued...
 

 

 

---

Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

---

 
 
Chapter 7
 
Ashley was a little fearful in going to school come Monday, not sure of herself after her traumatic weekend. Supportive words were not reassuring in changing her mood. More troubling new was Johnny, her attacker showed up at school. He was out of jail, released pending reconsideration to his sentence. Ash was scared when he appeared and came over to intimidate her, Johnny said, “Guess who, I am going to get before any decision comes back!”

Her street savvy thinking clicked into gear as Ashley stepped up to his face, “I don’t know if you don’t have your buddies with you; I would guess it must be a little boy or girl you came to beat up. But they would have to be pretty small! Knowing you, if you’re alone you will probably attack them from behind just to have the advantage!” She was forcing herself to laugh and smile in his face.

Johnny lost his cool and threw a punch that I expected and moved to the side. I gave him a push that sent Johnny falling to the floor. “If you don’t stop I’ll have to do something nasty like using my lipstick on you, Johnny.” Johnny was angered by the insult and came charging back and Ash was ready. As Johnny raised his fists to come down on her; she twirled with a kick to his gut and knocked the air out of him. Good to her word, as Johnny went down gasping for his breath Ashley quickly marked his face with some lipstick.

She ran down the hall to Corelli’s classroom, "Mr. Corelli, Johnny Scott attacked me and I’m afraid he won’t stop.” Johnny had not fully caught his breath when he made it to the classroom door, his face scarred with lipstick. Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, the school security showed up behind him and grabbed to take him to the office. Finding out who, he was after the officer said with an attitude, “Miss Riley, it might be better for you to either stay here or have someone escort you to the nurse’s office. We will send for you when you’re needed.”

“I hope you’re going to ask others here what happened.” Ashley snapped back, “Seemingly sending me to the hospital the last time wasn’t enough!”

Julio came into the room looking for Ashley, and was quickly told by the security guard, “You’re not to be here, I need to ask you to leave.”

Julio waved a paper, “I already have the school’s permission as well as her mother’s. I don’t seek to impede your duties, but I'm staying to make sure she is alright.”

Johnny was now getting restless as the guard continued to get angry, “He’s free to be here, as he’s been released pending a ruling on his case!”

“He may have been released pending a ruling on his sentencing, but he’s still a convicted felon of a violent crime.” Julio went on to say, “I suspect if you checked his release document he’s under some restrictions. If he is and you approved him being here, your judgment should be in question.”

Ken heard the discussion as he came into the room with Mo, “Why don’t the adults leave and let us settle the dispute?” He went over to hug Ashley, “Thanks for being on my side, but I don’t need a white knight.”

Mo laughed, “I think that’s why I’m here.” The joked cut the tension and the officer quietly took Johnny down to the office. Julio checked with Ashley and walked with her to the nurse’s office. Joani and Ken were both allowed to go with her. Julio had Ash’s Mom on the phone asking her when she could be there. “I’ll stay around until you can get here or take her home or to a doctor if need be. Your daughter looks to be fine; if anything I may be needed here to protect Johnny from her.” His comment brought a smile to Ash.

“Tell Mom that the Phoenix showed up.” Joani and Julio both hugged her, understanding what she meant. Ken also gave her a hug which was appreciated by Ashley for the affection it held.

Peg, the school nurse, excused Joani and Ken back to class and asked Julio to wait in the hall as she visited with Ashley and examined her. The trauma of the event was the only concern of note. The nurse discovered, Ashley’s foot and ankle possibly had a small sprain by the kick but not noticeably so. Nurse Peg did ask if she was taking precautionary measures regarding sex. Ashley shared confidentially that she and her doctor had visited about it but wanted her because of her surgery to wait until November before she prescribed anything. “I guess I will need to be a good girl at least until then.”

Nurse Peg gave Ashley the option of going home, but Ashley opted to stay in school not wanting to get further behind in her studies and getting used to school was too important. Ashley knew before the nurse suggested that she check her makeup and hair. Though she hadn’t cried, she redid her eye makeup and spruced up her appearance to be better than when she came to school.

Julio was there to escort her to her class stating, “The Police have taken Johnny into custody. I suggested if they needed to talk to you that they should send Officer Tracy to speak to you after school. If Principal Hadley wants to visit with you; I ask that they just call you to the office, call me as well and not allow security to be part of the meeting.” Ashley was relieved and happy to get to class as it was already into the second period of classes. “I’ll be somewhere in the neighborhood having coffee for a few hours to make sure you are alright.” He gave her a hug before Ashley went into Mrs. Crowley’s class. Between making new friends in her classes, she was the talk of the school for putting Johnny down. Ashley was focusing on her classes and enjoying the remainder of the day. Other students gave a mixed review on lunch while Ash thought it was at least as good as the street vendors. Bad food was what she had when she was a street rat.
 
 
Her Mom was there just before the end of school as Ashley had an appointment with Dr. Ann Akers. I saw Mom through the window as she was coming into the school. There were mixed feelings of excitement and joy and that of an embarrassed teenager. Ryta was sitting behind me and said, “Isn’t that sweet, your mom’s here?” She squeezed my shoulders letting me know she cared.

“Thanks, if you want we can give you a ride? You know it’s a help knowing you and Joani are here.” The teacher must have gotten a note on her computer as she said, “Ashley you are needed in the office.” I asked if Ryta could have permission to go with me.

When I saw Principal Hadley standing with my Mom, I was sure we would be talking before I got to go home.

I told them, "I asked for Ryta to be with me as we meet." Principal Hadley asked, “Ryta did you see the incident?”

“You know me well enough that I would have jumped in and helped to send that Scum-Bucket where he belongs. I hear Ash showed a lot more restraint and good judgment than I would. I hope you give her a medal.”

Ms. Hadley smiled, “Yes that would have been like you, you’re that kind of a friend. While off the record I might share your sentiments; I don’t think there will be an award assembly. But I do want to hear from this young lady and go from there. While fighting is not condoned, I understand the need to protect oneself. I heard you did use good judgment and restraint, I thank you for that.”

“Mom’s friend Julio shared a thought and I was wondering if Johnny really was wrong in being here? I’ll admit I’m scared, especially if he brings friends.”

“I suspect you know I can’t speak about that more than to say we will address things concerning your wellbeing and security on the school grounds. You did give me a thought and I will ask the police to address the concern to include Johnny’s associates as a possibility of a group coming onto the school property.” Ms. Hadley turned to my Mom, “Ms. Riley, you are doing quite well as a single parent and I think how well Ashley is doing in making the adjustments. All that reflects nicely on you and Miss Riley.”

Mom turned to me and glanced at Ryta; she wanted to address how I was really doing but wanted to make sure I was comfortable with Ryta being there. I nodded that it was okay. “I agree, I think she is doing fine, especially for all she is going through. She has been through a lot for a young teen. She is neither superwoman nor always calm as she appears to be. She was on the streets for years. Showing emotions or confiding in others goes against how she's used to doing things.”

Ryta looked at me and drew me in with her arm around me. Ms. Hadley spoke, “I learned about her being on the street when she and others helped at the school in late July and August. However, I didn’t understand how it might impact Ashley as a person and as one of my students. I might suggest we set up some study groups or tutoring assistance for study periods. I would also appreciate your feedback during the year on how we can help Ashley.”

“That sounds good and we will get back to you but Ash has an appointment to get to, so we will need to be going,” I told Mom, I promised Ryta a ride. Mom agreed it would be okay and added, “Ryta, I would like to have you over for dinner some night this week, if it is okay with your parents. You could stay overnight if you two would behave,” she said with a smile.
 
 
We dropped Ryta off and were to Dr. Akers on time for the appointment. “Ashley, please tell me about last Friday or today, starting wherever you want.”

“Today, I went to school afraid about how well I would do. I was more afraid I wasn’t going to do well and that my life would unwind like a loose thread… Johnny, the guy who jumped me and whom I thought was in jail came to school and threatened me.”

“I was plenty scared but I wasn’t going to show that and I was angry. He spoke to me quietly to threaten me ‘saying he was going to hurt someone.’ He did so others would not hear. ‘I asked him if he was going to hurt a little boy or girl out loud. He lost his temper and charged me. He had his hands up to bash me good, but I sidestepped him and pushed him down. When he got up I was scared and he knew it and charged me again and I timed things to kick him in the gut. He went to the floor gasping for breath. Then I ran to Mr. Corelli’s room and asked for help.”

The security guard finally came but he was upset with me as well as Johnny. Julio, one of Mom's friends, soon came as well as others and I knew I was safe. I became pissed off that I was under suspicion for causing the trouble. Julio and I spoke up and I soon knew I was safe for now. The rest of the day went well. I think it helped me out of what was troubling me.”

Dr. Akers complimented me, “I am impressed with how you handled the situation. You appear to be more like the Ashley I’ve come to know. Your sense of insecurity is, however, something we needed to talk more about.”

“Friday, I was exhausted from school and when I helped Mom deliver textbooks to the Star Academy and we saw the girls there. I was overwhelmed and thought I could have easily been there, more likely someplace worse. That was when my emotions were ready to come crashing in. I was briefly afraid my life was going to unravel. I had thoughts like I was going to disappoint my Mom. Soon I calmed down and I knew I was no longer Jack.”

“Come to the end of the day, not only did I do well in learning, but I was looking at the other girls. I wanted to have more fun in learning to be Ashley. I think I have some makeup ideas.”

“Ashley you talked of a girl named Mace at the Star Academy. I wonder how you would feel if things didn’t work out at school. Maybe it is Mace and not Jack you are afraid of becoming again,” Dr. Akers said and then came a long pause of silence.

I wondered how she knew, but I didn’t know what to say and sought to stay quiet.

Dr. Ann asked, “Ashley, why are you crying?” I hadn’t noticed until she mentioned that I was crying, and now profusely.

I asked, “How did you know?”

“You told me; it wasn’t with words but a mask of fear came over your expression as you talked of Mace. Mace was a street rat like you, yet different. Seemingly she’s tough, but it didn’t protect her from becoming gruesomely scarred. I suspect you saw Ashley in Mace.”

“No its worse, Jack was the street rat, Ashley would be dead or a bad excuse for being alive,” I responded with broken speech mingled with crying.

“So should we talk to your Mother about you not visiting the Star Academy?”

“No, I think I know how to banish that fear.”

“And how might that be,” Dr. Ann asked. I knew my statement surprised her.

“I read a story about President Lincoln going to a social event in Washington, D.C. during the Civil War. During the evening he was seen talking to a man from the Carolinas. Shortly thereafter he was being chided for talking to the enemy during a time of war. President was reported to have responded by saying, “Do you know a better way to do away with the enemy than to make him a friend?”

“Like, with Cody, Norm, and Jeff, I hoped to become a friend to Mace and the girls at Star Academy.”

“You realize that if you are going, to be honest with them sometime you will need to reveal you were a street rat and not just be a recipient of their stories. Sometime down the road, you might want to even share with an individual or two that you were Jack or a boy.” I kind of looked off to the side and smiled.

“Do I take it that someday you would like to tell someone?”

I say, “I’m not ready and I don’t have a trusting friendship with any of the girls at the Academy.” The appointment ended with Mom meeting with us. We shared much of the visit and Mom was pleased to see how well I was doing.
 

 
As we were traveling home Mom got a call from Ryta. Ryta asked, “Ms. Riley would Thursday night be good for me to come to dinner and stay overnight?”

Mom asked Ryta, “Can I call you back in a moment; I need to check with my schedule?” They hung up and Mom told me she had a client that was to come Thursday night.

I was a little disappointed, but agreed, “I understand Mom; I just hope we can do something. We were the ones who invited her.”

“Okay, Thursday you two will come first.” Mom used her voice-activated cell phone connection calling Ryta. “Hello Ryta, I need to change another appointment I had. We will be delighted to have you over Thursday for dinner as well as to stay overnight…” Mom decided to change her schedule for me. “Why don’t you come over between 5:30 and 6:00 and we will eat around 6:15 p.m. We will see you, and take care until then.”
 
 
At the next red light, I reached over and gave Mom a hug. “I don’t make things easy for you but I love you so much. My life is better because you became a Mom in your heart and took me home.” Mom smiled as we continued on home.

This afternoon I had gained confidence in Mom and that I could choose when to open up. Doing my school work that night began to go better. I began to see the progressions of understanding algebra and science, as well as what I was reading for literature as well as history. The help of others was beneficial, but soon would not be as crucial.
 
 
The next two days went better. Among other joys, I was trying new styles of doing my hair and makeup. I enjoyed using blush to sculpt the appearance of my face and to add color.

Word got back to me through Julio that Johnny had earned his way back into jail as he awaited the decision on his sentencing. His actions had even earned the possibility that his sentence could be more severe. The authorities had added the stipulation that whenever Johnny was released or for any reason not in jail or prison that I was to be notified forty-eight hours beforehand. The last stipulation, however, has a history of being forgotten and not kept, especially where it concerns women and children.

Along with my regular classes, I went to choir and was invited to be part of the girls’ chorus. Mr. Heard was the music teacher and while demanding; he was most encouraging and talented in teaching high school youth. Even gifted singers improved greatly under his tutelage; though more than one talented singer or esteemed student thought they were too good for his help.

I wasn’t very gifted but my voice found and held the notes fairly well, most of all I enjoyed singing. Mr. Heard was one of few vocal instructors who introduced singers to jazz and blues music. It compliments Ms. Sands who had developed a jazz and blues band.

Come Thursday, I found groups of different friendships forming around different classes, at lunch and before and after school as well as with choir and chorus. The one problem I was having was many others did not like me being in so many groups with friends outside of their sphere. I, however, didn’t like the idea of limiting who I became close friends with. People like Ryta, Joani, Ken, and Mo were comfortable. Those who weren’t could either grow up or decide if they not wanted to drop our friendship.
 =^..^= 
Wednesday night was cool as Mom had two clients come to the house. This time they were both already in feminine attire. One, however, was more comfortable in his new skin. Miss. Chaise was 6’ 2” and her heels had to be special ordered. She would more easily be seen as a crossdresser and not readily recognized to be Charles. She and I got to visit and it was astounding to hear about the help Chaise and Bridgette had been in the maturing of Charles. While she would remain as Charles, she thought Chaise would remain as part of him and have her own times to help her relax and enjoy life.

Heather at five-five made a very attractive woman, and while she/he had been meeting with Bridgette over a month longer; it was only in the past month Pete started making progress. Even Wednesday night was easy to see Pete still had a bit of an attitude. He snapped at me “Do you want something?”

I curtly responded, “Yes I would like to slap that chip off your shoulder. I would also like your feminine self to get past makeup deep.”

I was sure I overstepped myself until Bridgette spoke up, “Heather did you hear that now cool down and let it sink in. She has expressed what some of your clients, family, and friends tend not to say though it has been in their thoughts… Your boss says as you’ve climbed the ladder in sales and as a company rep, your image is turning ugly. He said, "You have lost much of what made you so good.”

“I would like you to relax for five to ten minutes. I would like you to see if Ashley would dance with you for a while and see if you two could become friends.” I was not obligated to dance with Heather so she needed a sincere change of attitude if I was to dance with her. It was interesting to see and hear her stay in Heather mode but tell me of what Pete had achieved and liked about his work and family. He had been burnt by a couple of customers and ticked off a few others. It had started to snowball on him.

I was moved by his story but wasn’t fully sure it was all true. Heather began to cry but I felt even more that it was not totally sincere. “What do I need to do to convince you to accept me as a friend?”

“Your wife might not like what I am going to say. I think Heather or Pete needs to go out and find a guy who would love you... Not make love as much as show you that you are lovable. I think you are so uptight that it might take someone… I’m sorry, but you’re still lovable but I don’t think you believe it. I’m just someone open to being your friend, but I think either try too hard to have people like you or you become so sarcastic that you chase people away.”

I felt a need to say more, “Being Heather is like an exercise to let your beautiful and tender self to be seen, but even a girl should not depend upon makeup to portray what is already there.” Now it was me with tears in my eyes as we both hugged. Before Heather left she arranged to go out with my Mom for a night on the town. Mom would not go as his date, but as a friend, for him to meet others.

Mom was glad my time with Chaise and Heather worked out, but she said she should have prepared me beforehand. She stated I had been pretty blunt with Heather and while it worked this time I shouldn’t depend on that style of exchange. I'd have felt for your safety if he had gotten worse.

It was more a matter of feeling bad that he appeared to be going through the steps and missing what my Mom was hoping he would see. Mom hinted that what he really needed was for his wife to love him. From what she said earlier in the evening, I was sure his wife did love him. Steffi smiled saying, “We think he needs to see himself on the receiving end of her love.”

I thought back and I understood. When I was on the street even before when I was home after my mom had left, I was frustrated seeing others were being loved. It was also what I liked in being me, Ashley. Yes, some attention was for looking good, having on a smart outfit or nice makeup and hair accented with perfume, but I found out I was love just for being me.

But I had wished as a boy that I could have worn more attractive clothes. I hadn’t minded the time I dressed with Heidi as a kid. I only felt bad that my dad had stopped it and had gotten rough with me. I kind of put it aside except for dreaming of it after that.
 
 
That night I dreamed of men and seeing them magically transformed to become women. Several times Ken or Jess showed up in my dreams. One time I hardly even recognized Ken until after I found myself kissing Kendra and wanting to do more. Unfortunately, I woke up soon after that.

Thursday I wore a nice mini-dress that barely met the school dress code. I saw Ms. Hadley snicker when she saw me. It was interesting walking up the risers for choir in a mini-dress, but it made changing over for the gym class and back easy. I enjoyed the feeling of how I am filling out my clothes better as time goes by. It is subtle enough so most girls notice and guys notice you but they don’t seem to know or care why.

It was a good day so Ryta and I took our time and walked home from school. We window shopped in a few shops as we made our way to my house. Ryta’s mom hopefully had dropped off her clothes so she could stay overnight. One shop was a woman’s boutique where we were encouraged to try on some clothes, even though they knew we were only window shopping. I found a number of dresses and outfits of tops and skirts that I wanted to come back and get with my mom or her approval.
 
 
When we made it to my place Ryta was happy to see her mom had dropped off her clothes. Mom told me, “Steff and I were here and had a good time with Regina, Ryta’s mom. If Steffi’s not here for dinner it might mean the two of them is going out to eat together.” That would be good for Mom as she wanted to be exclusively with Cathy.

“Steff prefers women a bit older than herself so that could work out well.” Mom turned to Ryta as she came into the room, “Now I know whom you take after, your mother is a fine looking woman as well as a good thinker. She said she was worried however about you being satisfied with only high school education.”

“I don’t like people telling me what I have to take or giving me lower grades because of who I am,” Ryta said. It was a concern that hit Mom’s interest.

Mom said, “You should look into colleges and universities you might be interested in and ask upfront about how they treat people of various lifestyles. You would be able to select your field of study and many have a good selection of majors as well as electives. A good university will be very interested in a student who takes charge of her studies and doesn’t fit into a mold.”

“I am not completely sure of what I would be interested in; right now it would be fashion and design or research in environmental sciences. I am good in both science and math. Everybody says that should target a high paying occupation. But I get really angry because I would forego great pay for a job that really makes a difference.”

“I agree with you Ryta,” Mom spoke up, “some of those willing to pay you high figures will want you to say what they want. What’s worse as you have experienced some friends will tell you that’s what you need to do.”

Ryta asked, “Ms. Riley could we speak alone about being a lesbian?” Mom agreed that after dinner they would take time to visit.

Ryta and I helped to start making the meal but a short while after that Mom told us to take some time for ourselves. Mom added, “You have a couple of new outfits, why don’t you take Ryta to your room and show them off to her.” I took it as meaning I had permission to model them for her as girls often do.

I found myself a bit excited about changing in front of Ryta. Seeing me in my panties and bra Ryta could tell I was getting close to my monthly visitor. I had slipped into my new shimmering blue dress, as well as some jewelry and shoes to go with it. “Woe foxy, that fits you like a glove. I’m not sure I would want to talk you out of that it’s so pleasant to the eyes.” She paused “How soon are you expecting your monthly visitor,” she asked?

I looked at my calendar and realized it was only two days if that. “How did you know?”

Ryta giggled, “You need to have some more mother/daughter talks with your Mom.” I tried to persuade her to tell me but insisted she wasn’t the one telling me. I found out later it was because of the water weight gain that often precedes a woman’s period.

“Ryta probably didn’t want to offend you as many girls and women take it to mean they’re fat. Ryta knew you weren’t fat. She called you foxy because she saw you as being hot.” Mom told me these things later.
 
 
I had tried on my second outfit and was changing into some comfortable clothes for the evening, as was Ryta when we found ourselves again turned on by the other. I walked over and rubbed up to Ryta wanting to hug her. I was giving her a hug as she gently put her hands on my hips and butt. I gave her a kiss as a hand came and was gently touching me over my panties and between my legs. I was sure I was damp and moist. Ryta really knew how to gently touch me so I felt really good and became even hotter.

Mom called us for dinner so I gave Ryta a peck and we both checked our clothes and makeup and went down to eat. Dinner was very enjoyable but the doorbell rang shortly after we finished. Mom checked the door, “Bridgette we need to see you; we don’t know if we have a problem or a breakthrough.” Mom invited them in and they went into her meeting room. It was Ron and Ellen, except Ron came as Ronnie. Ron had been a hard head case. Coming as Ronnie indicated a change and Ellen’s presence meant part of the change was in being open to her. He was daring to be sensitive. Mom called me to meet her outside the room.

“Ashley, I would like you to visit with Ronnie and Ellen. They need to share what is going on in their lives, but they’re looking to me for answers. With Steffi not here I could use your help. If you would, I would like you to listen and facilitate their talking. Show acceptance, share as your heart leads, but let them do the talking and discover their own answers. It is okay to share you are from the streets but I ask you don’t share about your gender change. I don’t want Ronnie thinking that way unless it came naturally from her.”

“Mom why me, do you think they will really open up to me?”

“Honey I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t pretty sure what would happen. I like what I have seen in you, you will be good. I wanted to talk to you about doing something like this, but this came unexpectedly. If you feel you get in over your head you can call me on your cell and I will respond. But if you can and after they are talked out schedule them to meet with me Monday or Tuesday night. If they haven’t had dinner suggest they go out to eat before they go home,” Mom smiled, stepped away from the door waiting to see if I would go in.

I took three breaths, got my composure and walked in sharing with Ronnie and Ellen. “Hello Ronnie and Ellen, I’m Ashley, Bridgette’s my Mom and she got called away but she wanted me to come in and visit with you. She asked that you two continue sharing what is going on, and about what brought you here tonight.”

I could see Ronnie wonder about opening up to me. “Ronnie, I know you might wonder about sharing with me; I can only ask you to trust Bridgette’s judgment. If it helps, I was a street rat and Mom helped me to transform my life. I know how good she is and I trust her judgment.”

“I don’t mean any disrespect but you don’t realize who I am and what I’ve been through. I’m not sure you can help me,” Ronnie said. I thought she was about to pull off her wig or open her blouse. I readied myself not to be shocked.

“Ron, I know a little of what my Mom does. She said you and Ellen have had some kind of breakthrough and need to share it and just celebrate what you’ve accomplished. I think she knows your journey is not done but what has happened is positive and significant. So Ronnie if you would just share between the two of you.”

Ronnie looked over to his wife Ellen. “Ellie knows I’ve been fighting this and I know I’ve become a bastard but as Ronnie, I am embarrassed to say: I’ve begun to see things differently. Being Ronnie has helped me to get in touch with the better side of me.” Ellen touches Ronnie’s hand and is affirming what he/she is saying.

“How so,” I ask?

“I’ve been trying to be so strong and my own man. I’ve been talking to Ellen as Ronnie like Ms. Riley has been encouraging me. I dared to tell Ellie I am scared and I need help in turning around. She didn’t laugh at me, tell me the bast**d I’ve been nor did she… she just hugged me and I cried like a little boy. I guess I should have said little girl.”

I said, “Wow what courage that took. I think ‘little boy’ was correct. The little boy knew what the man forgot.” I looked to Ellen, “I think Ronnie opened up to you and you were there for her. How did that make you feel?”

Ellen smiled through her watery eyes, “I am just so happy that she opened to me. Today she stayed home and we made love and talked. I just hope it continues, but I’m afraid if Bridgette doesn’t help us we will wake up and be back to where we were.”

I spoke and asked, “Ronnie do you want to go back to your old ways? Is there something inside that says you need to go back?”

“No, but I want Bridgette to tell me what I need to do to stay on track.” He turned to Ellen, “Ellie, you deserve better than me. I’ve always thought you are beautiful, but I thought that came easy and I discounted your depth by only looking at the surface and seeing makeup.” Turning to me he smiles, “See she can even help make me look beautiful. My old self would have lashed out at such an attempt. But I stayed home to be beautiful and to be with your love.”

I asked Ron, “What do you like about being Ronnie?”

She said in a very tender sounding voice, “I like being pretty even wearing pretty clothes, but most of all Ronnie cares about people and she helps me to be a better person.” Ronnie looks to Ellen seeming to get affirmation to share something. “One of my daughters saw me today; she saw me as Ronnie. Do you want to guess what she said? I guess I don’t know her as well as I should, but I hope too.”

“I’d rather not guess but just hear it from you,” I knew from being a young teen it could be most anything.

“She looked me up and down smirked and said, ‘If that is what is helping you to be a better Dad I’m all for it and I would even go shopping to get you another outfit.’ And then she gave me a big hug and kissed me on the cheek as she does with her mother.”

Ellen chimed in, “I was so proud of our daughter Meg. She’s felt hurt for so long. It was a blessing that she saw it as she did, an opportunity for things to be better. Her Dad may have a white collar job, but he has a blue-collar background and a mean temper. She loves her Daddy but she has been hurt and disappointed by him.”

“What happens when he comes up short again," Ellie asked? I could see Ronnie’s concern rise with her.

“Ronnie, I suspect there is a difference between being imperfect as a loving Dad and going back to being your old self. What do you think the difference is?”

Ron said, “I’m afraid of disappointing her or her brother and sister. I know I can’t go back to my old ways, I won’t allow me to go back there, but I know I’m not going to be perfect.”

Ellie spoke up, “Wait until your daughters figure out Ronnie can take them shopping and get them some things as well. They will be looking for imperfections to take advantage of. Seriously, it would hurt big time if you went back to being your old self.”

I asked, “Ellen what do you enjoy about your husband being Ronnie?”

“Last night when we were out together I enjoyed it when two men tried to pick the two of us up. He and I are coming to see what is possible.” We talked another hour before they were talked out and ready to leave. They chose to come back to visit with my Mom on Tuesday night. They complimented me on helping them.

“Bridgette said, "If you hadn’t eaten yet you should go out to dinner before going home. She also hopes you will continue to relate to each other and work on things until she sees you on Tuesday. She said and I agree you don’t need to ask others for answers. You two are the ones’ responsible for the progress you make. You should be gaining confidence and growing in your relationship.”
 
 
Mom came out and greeted me soon after Ronnie and Ellen were gone, “Ashley, I want to compliment you on how well you did. Ronnie and Ellen did even better and that is how it should have gone. You appeared to be a veteran facilitator; with the session being less about you and mostly about them. A person can guide them to say the right words, but it isn’t until the words, feelings, and understanding are theirs that a step has really been made.”

“Mom, I am glad I could help you and I like talking with you, but I’d rather be with Ryta.”

“She is quite the young woman and I am glad she’s one of your friends. I was wondering if you could handle being girlfriends without getting involved sexually?”

“Mom with Ryta I can be sexually involved five feet away, with a kiss or light touches. Are you saying that if we can’t just be friends we need to break things off? Or are you saying if we don’t need to become an exclusive item and make-out and have sex? Yes, I understand what you are asking of us. I think that is where we are.”

“I’m not saying it will never happen, I think that might be a stretch to promise.”

“You’re right Ashley; I’m not naíve enough to think you two won’t step over the boundaries. But when I pull in your reigns don’t be surprised. I will seek to stop you from going off the deep end and you might get grounded for longer than you like. I won’t be terminating your friendship.”

“Are we done, I want to see Ryta.” Mom giggled at my matter of fact response and wanting to get back to Ryta.
 
 
It wasn’t quite 9:00 p.m. when Ryta and I got back to visit. She had a big smile as she had gotten to talk with my Mom. I found out she didn’t have many to talk to about being a lesbian that understood and cared. “I’m glad your Mom understands me; she knows some places I can more freely be me. She also told me we can be friends but I need you to tell me if I go too far.”

I smiled, “I’ll also tell you not to stay too far away and yet not push me.” I stepped forward and gave her a kiss. It was nice to feel her warmth both in the kiss and our embrace. We got ready for bed and while we didn’t shower together, we were present. She showed me a few pointers on how girls our age did some things differently than Mom.

When Mom came in to say goodnight, she said, “It is okay for you to share the bed, but remember not to go too far.” Mom sat down next to Ryta for a while, and I could by the tears in Ryta's eyes tell it was something special for Ryta.

I’m not the best in sharing my Mom but now and earlier there was joy inside about my Mom being there for my friend. I understood that my Mom was very special.
 
 

 

---

Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

---

 
 
Chapter 8
 
Ryta whispered, “It is time to wake-up sleeping beauty,” as her lips gave me a warm kiss…. Mo said, someone wants him kicked off the team. Jared gave me a note, Don't read till after school.”… “Bridgette, I love you very much. My Love would you marry me?” Cathy placed the ring on Mom’s left hand and kissed the ring and then Mom…

=^..^=

I couldn’t remember what I was dreaming about but I do remember this beautiful sensation I was feeling, and as I woke it was still there. Ryta’s hand was lightly touching me, getting me excited. She whispers, “It is time to wake-up sleeping beauty,” as her lips give me a warm kiss. I was enjoying Ryta very much but I decided it wasn’t me.

“Ryta, we need to talk, what you’re doing feels great and I guess I asked for it, but I’ve decided it’s not me.” I continue, “You are one of my best friends and you’ve been here for me, but I am not ready to commit to you; for me, this type of intimacy needs that. I don’t exactly know where I want to stop: being best friends I like along with kissing, hugs, dates and even some petting. I love you but I’m not ready or wanting to commit.”

Ryta’s expression changes, but she isn’t angry like I expect. I had never seen this expression on her as she looks a little scared. She forces a smile and says, ‘That is good if you are serious about being best friends. I'm just trying to please you so we stay together. I don’t want to lose you or your Mom. Romance at our age usually doesn’t last long from what I’ve seen. Best friends can last a lifetime."

She pushes me back down on the bed, got a clean panty and bra and ran for the shower. “I’m the one who really needs the shower thanks to you!” Mom opens the door and asks, “What do you need? I just wanted to check and make sure you were both awake.” As Mom gave me a hug, she didn’t need me to answer her question saying, “So I take it you had a good night.”

“We're having an even better morning, but it is not what you are thinking,” I told Mom. I'm selecting my clothes as Mom sits down to see if I will say anything. “We decided to be best friends instead of girlfriends in love for now.”

Mom hugs and there's a giggle, “I can’t wait until you come home and explain; if this is best friends and not girlfriends; how serious would it be if you were girlfriends?”

I pick up a blouse to go with the skirt I had out, “What do you think?”

Mom says, “It’s not terrible but that print blouse you got this past week would look better." I ask Ryta what she thinks? "I washed it and it should be hanging in your closet.” I look and agree so I get it out and fold the other one and put it back.

Mom gets up to goes out, “Thanks, Mom.” It isn’t for the selection of the blouse, but for not pursuing what had happened.

Ryta cracks the door, “I’m out of the shower.” While I am a little shy at school and don't like to take a shower there. With Ryta, I'm very comfortable, even with her taking a good look. She has a much better body than me so I'm impressed that she likes me. She says, “Do you mind my saying your breasts appear to be fuller?”

I was closing the shower door as I heard her comment. It was interesting getting my body clean as my body is more responsive as I clean my sensitive areas. I wait for Ryta to walk out of the bathroom before I relaxed and make a sound. The door opens back up, “I heard that Ashley.” I start to throw the washcloth at the door and her, but I start to slip. All I achieved is to make Ryta much happier.

I'm out, dried off and getting my clothes on and it is still before 7:00 a.m. Mom has a good breakfast for us. A Belgian waffle thinly covered with whipped cream and berries. Mom offers to give us a ride, but we want the time to talk as we walk to school. While classes start at 8:30, Ryta and I both need to be early for chorus practice. Jana one of our premier singers is missing and we were rehearsing a song she has as a duet in our fall concert.

You could hear a pin drop when Mr. Heard calls me to step forward and to fill her spot. I'm a chorus singer, not a soloist so I am as surprised as much as anyone. There was no questioning Mr. Heard, so I went up next to Leann with my folder. The music begins the chorus came in and then Leann starts and I join her on the second stanza.

It is no surprise that I'm no Jana, but as the song ended Mr. Heard taps his music stand and others applaud as well. I suspect it's mostly for Leann but I'm happy because I knew I had sung better than expected. Mr. Heard comments, “That is the way I want all of you to perform. If you get called on for whatever reason step forward and do your best. Congratulations to Leann as well as Ashley, she also rose to the occasion. ”

Mr. Heard calls me to visit with him after rehearsal. “Ashley, here are two songs I want you to practice for the “Coffeehouse.” Beacon Hill has a refreshment area that is turned to a coffeehouse most Wednesdays and Thursdays evenings after school. They are usually light days for special events and sports. It would be my choice to use pre-recorded music or to ask someone to accompany me. The songs are oldies by Melanie, and I am only glad neither song was “The Brand New Key; Mr. Heard is asking me to sing “Psychotherapy” which was a fun but longer song, and “Ring the Living Bell”. It's new to me; it appears to be the easier of the two songs. Joani checks the songs I'm given and she says they will both be good for the BH Coffeehouse.

Luckily we are always given two to three weeks before we would play the coffeehouse.

I text Mom during lunch about what happened in rehearsal. She is happy for both and uses icons to show how pleased she is about my part in the duet as well as being invited to sing at the Coffee House. I am more concerned about my history test coming up in the second class after lunch.

Mo, Valerie and I were the only three in our study group this morning. Joani tells me during lunch, “I heard that only you three were there, sorry but someone told someone Mo is being watched for cheating and they did not want to get in trouble being with him.”

“Mo’s pretty smart he doesn’t need to cheat,” I tell Joani. What I didn’t tell her was I smelled a rat. I pulled Mo aside, before the next period and told him what I heard. We didn’t have time to talk further. I wouldn’t get to talk to Mo until the last period before Mrs. Briggs class. Mo was the third student to finish and hand in his test.

The teacher asks Mo to empty all his pockets. Mo was doing so when he also looks at another student; he is not very happy. However, a cheat sheet was neither there nor at his desk or in his other books or his backpack.

Come the last period I ask straight out, “Mo what happened?”

“I was set up; seemingly someone wants me kicked off the basketball team. Jared gave a note and told me not to read it until after school.” Mo goes on, “Thanks to your warning and Jared not being at the study group I was suspicious. Jared is not on the team but his Brother Joe and two of Joe’s friends are. I suspect if I made the varsity or even junior varsity team, they’re afraid, one or two of them would not be.”

“That would be a rotten trick but I suspect it's also hard to prove.”

Mo says, “I gave the paper to Principal Hadley as I was told to do if anything suspicious happened. All she said, ‘I can see it is not your handwriting.’ I would rather take care of my own trouble but basketball might be my ticket to a college education. My Mom would be awfully upset if I blew it.”

Class starts and I'm glad that Miss Briggs made it an extra interesting class or I wouldn’t have kept my mind on what she was teaching. Among other things she had us on computers, finding out how many new species of life have been discovered in the past month of this year alone.

There were two soccer games this afternoon the first starting about an hour after school let out. There were several groups of us catching buses or subway trains to the soccer field I would get only to watch the girls’ game as Mom would be picking me up. We were invited to dinner over to one of the homes of a CEO of a corporation Mom worked with. Mom wouldn’t tell me what she did with their corporation.

I need to go home shower and get dressed up. It had been a while since I was nicely dressed so I was looking forward to tonight. I had sneaked into Steffi’s closet and found a nice cocktail dress. It is hot and short enough I knew my Mom would say no if I asked. I decided to take my time, not ask and wait until we were to be leaving. Mom has called me for the past three minutes.

Julio finally calls to me and I knew our ride is here and it's time to leave. Steffi's the first to see me as I ask, “Is it okay to borrow your dress?” Steffi responds, “I suspect until your mother sees you. The next time you don’t ask first the answer is no.” She hands me a wrap for my shoulders, “Thanks, Steffi.”

I turn the corner of the room for the door and Mom finally sees me and then looks at her watch. I came even with her, “Guess who is not going shopping tomorrow or the next day.”

“I’m sorry Mom.”

“Sorry for looking like this, I doubt it,” Mom said. “You are lucky the Richards asked me to bring you or you would be staying home.”

I'm surprised to see Julio in a black coat and tie. He's not only driving us, but he is also acting as Mom’s escort. It is just over twenty miles but the trip takes the better part of fifty minutes. The house alone is over a quarter mile from the gate to the house. Julio complimented my Mom on how well she looks, somehow, however, he knew not to compliment my appearance.

I'm introduced to a Mrs. Allison Richards, Sonya, and two teenage girls Brianna and Allie. Sonya appeared to be the same age as Mrs. Richards. We're fifteen minutes into the dinner before I realize Sonya must be Mr. Richards. There is a son but he's not present for dinner.

Brianna is the first to compliment how I look. “Ashley I thought my parents said you are only fifteen. When I grow up I want to look like you.”

Mom spoke up, “You are right Brianna, she is only fifteen and she borrowed a dress she should not be wearing at this age.” I knew I was in trouble at that point. Mrs. Richards thanks my mother for speaking up.

After dinner, I'm to go off with Brianna and Allie. “You are looking hot Ashley; I don’t understand you look so nice and they got upset with you. I say if you have it flaunt it.”

I knew as soon as Brianna suggested ‘I flaunted it’, I knew I was dressed inappropriately. I remembered when I first saw Bridgette, I thought not only was she beautiful but she had class as she did not seek to show it off or show anyone else up.

Allie asks me, “So what did you think of our dad looking like a woman?” I pause and look at Allie and Brianna. Upon seeing they're eagerly smiling and excitedly waiting for my comment, I spoke, “She looks happy and all of you appeared to be comfortable with her.” I pause as Brianna tells me, "Mommy and I have helped her learn about make-up. I think Mommy usually picks out what she wears.”

Allie butted in, “Daddy used to be mean, but he and Sonya read to me now. Alan would rather have our new Daddy, but he gets sad when he sees Daddy as a woman. Daddy had to promise not to get an operation. But Daddy isn’t even sick, so I don’t understand.”

Brianna smiles at me indicating that she does.

“I think Sonya has helped your dad to be a better person from the sounds of it. I like the outfit she has on.”

“We picked it out and gave it to him for Father’s Day. Mom said it was like Sonya’s first birthday,” Allie commented. I stepped back and thought, ‘I guess that makes July 11th my first birthday.

“If all boys are like my brother or Daddy was, I’m really glad I am a girl, aren’t you,” Bri looks at me?

I'm surprised that the girls were permitted to talk about the feminine side of their Dad. Like she read my mind, Brianna spoke, “Daddy and Mommy don’t allow us to talk about Daddy dressing like Sonya, but they said tonight it would be okay. Mommy told me that you would understand. Does your Daddy dress like a girl?”

“No, my daddy had been abusive,” I confessed. “Since then, Bridgette adopted me as her daughter.”

Allie’s eyes turned sad, “Did he hit you? Daddy was mean to Alan but he only hit Brianna once, I think. He just usually yelled and hit things. We would still get really scared!”

“I learned in a support group some dads get sexual, but the therapist said it was about power and not love.” Brianna almost loses her voice trying to say that.

“My father was physically and verbally abusive…” Allie interrupted and asks Brianna, “What does ‘verb-be-lie’ mean?”

“It is like when Daddy called us stupid or said mean things that he was going to do to us,” Brianna gave Allie a hug and continued to hold and comfort her. Alan had it the worst because he wouldn’t allow us to hug him and he wouldn’t cry.”

“Are you afraid of your father or Sonya anymore,” I ask? I could see there was still some fear. “I use to be,” said Brianna. “Last year he was back home when he got really mad again. Mom told him he needed to get dressed as Sonya or leave. She also called your Mom to come and talk to him. I seldom worry that he will be like that again. But sometimes I cry at night if I think about that night and before.”

Allie picked up the skirt of my dress and looked under. “You are not a boy, are you? Can I see you?”

“No and no,” I said. Then I paused and bent down, “You can touch my breasts once if that would help you.” I'm surprised as both girls did. “Ouch!” Allie pinched one near one nipple.

“I am sorry but I had too.” We all giggled, though I was still sore. “You are pretty. Brianna would be prettier than you if she dressed like that.” Brianna hugs Allie again.

I say, “I agree that you right, she is prettier than I am even now. Brianna, you are smart to look as you do and not pretend. I guess I still feel like I have to prove something sometimes.”

Brianna turns on her computer and she shows me a program where she can dress and change makeup and hairstyles on a picture of herself. She even has a program for Allie and the wardrobe in her closet, where Allie could see how she would look.

It is close to 10:30 p.m. when we were called downstairs for me to leave. They served dessert first, Brianna and I both asked for a half piece of the pie.

Mom had ridden up front with Julio when we came, but she rides in the back with me as we go home. Mom asks about my night, but she did not talk much about their time together. Mom is particularly interested in the conversation about their Dad and Sonya.

Julio says I should go on a date with Alan. “I don’t think so; Mom would have to force me. It would be to close; I don’t think I could handle it.” I looked at Mom to see if she had the same idea as Julio.

“You’re right, I wouldn’t ask you and I don’t think it would be wise.”

“Mom, I did realize that I dressed inappropriately.”

“There will be a time and place for you to dress like this, but it is a long way into the future young lady. I will leave it at that for tonight.” I thought Mom would use that moment to make me feel bad and to get her point across. When she didn’t, I understood that was the difference between her and me.

I was tired and leaned against Mom. She stroked my hair and touched my cheek. “You know I am very proud to be your mother? You are a very attractive young woman in more ways than one.” My eyes teared and I guess one tear hit her fingers. “Oh did I find softness in that image of yours?”

“Do you think I am hard?" I sit up and look at her.

“I think sometimes you are hard on yourself and feel like you need to prove you are a woman, yes. …I think Jack’s need to close himself off from others is still there. Sometimes you even shut me out when it would be wiser to talk with me.”

I begin to cry, “Mommy, it is not easy to be your daughter. I will never be as pretty or as smart as you.”

“Ashley that's an excuse you hide behind. It is about the image you have of yourself.”

I thought and I somehow knew, “Mommy I am afraid to let Ashley be a little girl. I want to have dolls and play like a little girl. Remember when I drew a picture on the floor when you were working. That felt good, but I knew I was just being silly.”

“It makes sense Ashley that it would be hard to grow up without first being a young girl.” She nestles me to her bosom, “We could shop for some little girl stuff if you want. Feel free to come and play on the floor or to ask me to read to you.”

I'm pretty sleepy by the time we got back home and Julio asks, “Would you like me to carry her up to the house?”

“I think it might be inappropriate for you to carry her, but thank you. Ashley, you need to wake up and help get yourself into the house.” The next thing I faintly remembered was being in my room and my mother helping me to step out of the dress and change into my nightgown. “Well little girl, I see that your hips and curves indicate you’re quite the young woman.”

She had me take care of my hair and makeup. I'm still sitting on the edge of my bed when she came back to say goodnight. She giggled as she saw I was too tired to lie down. “Mom, I am so tired but you mentioned I am filling out. Do you think I am really becoming a woman?”

Mom sat down next to me and held me with her arms wrapped around me. “Honey, you are a real woman no matter what. But yes you are filling out and becoming a beautiful woman for everyone to see. …Did you enjoy your time with the Brianna and Allie?”

“Did Julio know about Mr. Richards?”

“No, but I trusted him to respond appropriately and I knew that would mean a lot to the Richards. Similarly, it probably meant a lot to Brianna and Allie that they could talk to you about their Dad being like he is.”

“Mom, is it true that Mr. Richards use to be a mean and ugly person? How can you work with people like that?”

“Ashley, you know I can’t talk about Mr. Richards. It is true however that the people I try to help and work with have real problems.”

“Was it true that when he got ugly again last year, they called you? Weren’t you afraid?”

“Ashley, will you trust me to tell you I use good judgment when I help someone. They are in more danger with me or their consequences than I am of them.”

Mom could feel me shaking, “Ashley, you are about to fall asleep but I don’t want you to fall asleep while you are afraid. Would it be okay if I lie down and sleep with you for a while?”

“Yes,” I said weeping, “I’m sorry to act like a little girl.”

“It is not acting like a baby to worry about your mother’s safety. I appreciate that you care and I love caring about you.”

I fell asleep and remembered little of what happened or what we talked about last night. Mom was still in bed with me. I turned my back to her and wiggled until I was snug in her arms. It felt real nice and it was almost an hour before she woke up.

I thought Mom had fallen asleep with me and ended up sleeping there. When Cathy knocks and pokes her head in the room, I knew that wasn’t the case. I finished getting dressed and join Cathy in the kitchen.

“Your Mom called me saying you were having a tough night and she was having trouble staying awake and being there for you.”

“So my Mom fell asleep after you showed up,” I understood.

Cathy smirked, “No, she wouldn’t go to sleep; she stayed up, having me talking to her when she wasn’t talking and holding you. She thought you were a bit worried about her and was having nightmares.”

“Aren’t you be afraid for my Mom in some of the situations she is in, with the men are often troubled?” I wanted Cathy to confirm my fears.

“I recommended to your Mom before that she should take you to some of her workouts, especially when she did some of her defense training. To answer your question, I pity most men who would try to battle her physically or mentally. My only concern is the unexpected use of weapons, but I know she keeps her phone on speed dial when she initially enters a situation. She has had police already with her if it was advisable, especially now that she has you as a daughter.”

“Ashley, can I tell you something and get your opinion?” I agreed. “I am tired of being called up and coming over late at night?”

“I’m sorry; I don’t mean to worry you or my Mom."

“No, that’s not it; I mean I want to already be here in sharing in her life and being part of your family.” I was confused and didn’t initially understand. She opens a box and shows me a diamond ring. I scream and jump lifting Cathy as I leap up and down holding her.

Soon Mom enters the room, “What is all the noise about?” I know I look like a girl caught with a secret, having done something.

“Cathy said she might take me to a Broadway play.” Mom looks at Cathy and Cathy looks surprised.

“I hope it isn’t real soon as you are grounded for taking a dress from Steff without approval. That is very inappropriate for a young teen.”

Cathy asks, “Brit sit down and tell me about it; Ashley didn’t mention anything about the dress.”

Mom moves pass Cathy and me and as she sat down Cathy knelt near her and holds out the ring as she asks, “Bridgette, I love you very much. My Love, would you marry me?” She places the ring on Mom’s left hand and kisses the ring and then kisses Mom.

Mom looks at the ring, and I could see the sparkle of the diamond in her teary eyes. I too was teary and all mush. Mom is still quiet when I spoke, “Mom! Say yes!”

She giggles, moves toward Cathy and hugs her as she says, “Yes, you are the love of my life as well.” I feel sad for Cathy as she didn’t receive a ring. Mom, “Excuse me, I need to fix my eyes.” I hadn’t even gotten a good look at the ring on her hand.

I'm pouring coffee for each of us and Mom is already returning to the kitchen. She knelt before Cathy, opened a small box and there is another beautiful engagement ring. It was Cathy’s turn to tear, but for her, the tears flowed.

I ask, “Can I be the flower girl?”

“Ashley, I thought you would want to give me away?”

“I want to be there for both of you, but I will do whatever you want. I am so happy for both of you. …Could I present both of you to the minister to be married?” I'm jumping up and down, giggling and then hurry to sit down. I don’t want them to see I wet myself. I was sure Mom realized what happened but she didn’t say anything.

Mom suggests showering, getting dressed and go out for breakfast. “Do I have to stay home,” remembering I'm grounded?

“No, the special occasion cleans your slate. Please go and knock on Steffi’s door and ask her if she would go to breakfast with us?” Steffi answered, but she was not alone and she said, “My girlfriend will need to come as well if that is okay with your mother.”

We went to the Italian restaurant a few blocks away and breakfast is very good. They have European style baked items to full American breakfasts built around eggs or pancakes. Gina and Tony of my generation came to the restaurant but since they're not working this morning they join us for breakfast.

I worried what Grandma Maria would say about Mom and Cathy. I was pleasantly surprised when she says, “Bridgette and Cathy what has taken you so long?” I could tell that Mom was pleasantly surprised and welled up with tears, which is a very unusual sight. A special bottle of vino is brought to the table and many glasses were poured as our host saluted Cathy and Mom.

I'm surprised they did not use champagne but Gina says this was in keeping with her family. Gina asks “Ashley would you date my brother Tony?”

“He would need the nerve to ask me. I will not be offended if he does or doesn’t, but I will answer only to him.” When Joseph played his violin for Mom and Cathy to dance, Tony came and asks me to dance with him. I'm worried as we danced and he asks me out. I did not want to offend him nor Ryta whom I was serious with. I'm determined that I need to be true to my thought of not getting too serious. I said, yes to Tony and we agreed to go to the next dance at St. Bartholomew’s. We exchange numbers and began texting as friends. Gina and I to become friends. I only hoped it would outlive my dating Tony.

Gina and I share interests in reading, music as well as just walking around. She would have liked to wear more jeans and slacks but her family is old world. She mostly wears skirts and dresses. So even there we were similar in what we wore. Her mother was the fifth child in her generation and third that stayed with the restaurant. She's a talented instrumentalist and singer which she does both for the restaurant and their church. Her specialty, however, is special events through the restaurant and getting the most of her staff on such occasions.

During the coming week, Mom and Cathy receive a call from Pastor Stephens of the large Riverside Church. He's one of the associate pastors and a friend that Mom knows and calls on from time to time. He wants to invite them to consider the Riverside Church for the wedding. The church is old and grand in many ways. It was good to be asked, and Mom and Cathy would like the wedding there but not in the huge sanctuary. They did have one chapel that was a big as many sanctuaries and it would be there that Pastor Stephens and Cathy’s pastor Dr. Karen Thomas from Jersey would officiate the wedding together. Pastor Thomas would conduct a private ceremony in New Jersey with the formal wedding later next Spring at Riverside.

Mom and Cathy want the formal wedding to show public acceptance but also want to make sure it will be fully approved and known in public. Those invited would be LGBT, straight, black, or of Spanish origins. Only one of her former clients is invited to be part of the wedding as a woman but without the fanfare of her participation.

Steffi moved within a month and is also separating from Mom in their practice. Each would call on the other and keep working together at times but it was time for them to be under separate roofs. Cathy desires to carry their first child but they would wait to within the month of the formal wedding to seek to get her pregnant, just in case she became pregnant the first attempt. I enjoy the time to be the first of the children to bond with them.

Their marriage and desire to have children leads to interesting discussions only a percentage that I get to hear or take part in. Mom in many ways is the most feminine yet the strongest in personality as well. Since Bridgette already is a mom to me, Cathy desires to share the joy of being a mother as well.

Back to school and singing, it is now the first day I would sing at the coffeehouse and I'm nervous. I went to school early to rehearse with Mr. Heard. I took my guitar but was apprehensive about playing it as I tried to sing. It was helpful to rehearse. Jana has come and brought her guitar as well. I'm afraid she might replace me as the singer, but she says, “Ashley, I will not do that but I did practice playing your songs. I am willing to accompany you. I can play them with the guitar or on a piano if you would like my help.”

Jana explains, “I think live music is better than recordings but it is unfair to make you do both unless you have done it before.”

Mom had told me a little about Melanie, that she was born in the City but grew up in New Jersey. She was popularly known in the city for more than the song Brand New Key.

Most of her songs weren’t all that popular as she sang at places like Woodstock and the Isle of Wright Festival. Because she sang for peace and the end of the War in Vietnam she was not popular with the establishment. She sang down at places in Greenwich Village at coffee houses like this but for adults and those free in spirit. Psychotherapy was kind of a comical song triggered by society’s bent on being rigid and too much attention to the importance of sexuality and fitting other people’s molds.

Psychotherapy should be focused on healing and understanding, but according to the song, it is based on paying the check for the next session. Today it would often be determined by insurance or a government program. I'm nervous as I begin to sing but as I get into the rhythm of the song, the small crowd gets into the song.

With little introduction, I sang “Ring the Living Bell”…
I'm not a magic lady
But I want to sing to help the light
Descend on the earth today
Because it’s gonna get dark tonight
Sing the light, ah
Sing the living light
Still feel weak, but God,
I want to give and shine the living light

Been walking down the street all night
'n' I been feeling kinda cold
Still feel naked
God I wanna be warm before I get old and I'm cold
Ah, an' I'm feeling cold
Still feel hungry
God I want to give and ring the living bell
Still feel hungry
God I want to live and ring the living bell

One in the audience asks, “Did you hear this song when you were a Street Rat?”

“No, but the song got me thinking as it did you. Yes as a street person I could have related to the song if I had heard. I think the Living Bell is an expression for thinking freely. Sometimes when people light lighters or cell phones at a concert, it may be as simple as identifying with the singer; but for others, it might be expressing something about the song.”

Invited back, I ask the audience to invite others and be ready to sing the Living Bell with me if they come back. I'm also to prepare another song or two. Along with feeling good myself, I am impressed how Jana gave so much of herself. She and I visit quite a bit as others sang. “I don’t want you to misinterpret Ash, I am not interested in you and me becoming an item.”

I giggled but quickly, “Jana, I can be friends with you as you were with me tonight. Friendship is plenty enough.”

Mom picks me up after the Coffeehouse shuts down for the evening; “Cathy and I will try to come tomorrow night if you are comfortable with us being present.”

“Mom, do you have a Hippie style dress?”

“Yes, I do, but I'm not sure I have one that might fit you, why?”

“I just wanted to see one and see if it could help set my mood for the coffeehouse or an improv peace demonstration that I could picture her singing in.” When we got home Cathy took an interest in our conversation. “Ash, I have an Aunt who grew up during the early 70s; she’s just the type to have her stuff from back then.”

She calls her, “Hi Sandy, Bridgette’s girl is getting into Melanie and singing a couple of her songs for a coffeehouse event. We're trying to find someone who might have a hippie style dress she might lend… Three, you still have three? …We are not worried about gettin’ it for tomorrow but would still like to get one of them… Yeah. I could stop over tomorrow, but I didn’t want to put you out… Then come back with me and stay here tomorrow night. She’s a cool young lady. I know you would enjoy her and I’d love to see you… I’ll be there after lunch and if you want to come just have something packed for the night or better the weekend. Jack’s invited but I agree, I think our estrogen level is a might high for his comfort.”

“You’ll like her Ash and I suspect she will have all three dresses for you to choose from.” “Bridgette, you know if Ashley goes according to that style it’s either no bra or one of those thin dresses.” I look at Cath and then to Mom.

Mom says, “You could try that style here, but neither I nor the school will agree a coffeehouse is a place you want to try that. It could be neat if you used Melanie and that time for a presentation and had the approval to wear something like that. But you better have approval from the teacher.”

“Mom that reminds me after Thanksgiving we’re having our first crossover day at school; they call it Gender Bender. I was thinking of dressing like ‘Cap’ a street personality that used to be in lower Manhattan. …People weren’t sure if Pauly was a guy or girl.”

“Did you know and meet Cap or travel with that gang?”

“I saw Cap at least twice, but no, I never tried getting close to the group Cap was in. They didn’t like to be called a gang but it was a close and usually a pretty closed group most of the time.”

“So how would you try to pull it off for Gender Bender Day,” asked Cathy?

“I’d have my breasts wrapped, but leave it kind of open for people to think if I’m trying to be a girl or guy. Have a dirty ponytail and hanging out of a dirty cap. They’ve been asking me to do something about street life. I thought it shows a number of sides.”

After dinner Cathy and Mom unwound in their new relaxed style: large shirt and panties barely showing or barely hidden, pending on how one looks at it. To me, it’s interesting to see women filled out being that way. I noticed their hips and checked mine to see if mine are filing out.

I had lost some weight but didn’t notice where, but as I’m looking my hips have grown but my waist is smaller. But I couldn’t tell because my clothes don’t usually reflect my waist. I still look a bit heavy because of my hips. I put out an outfit for tomorrow and nice skirt that hugs my hips and a top that slims down over my stomach and waist.

‘Too many things in a girl’s life,’ I thought. I guess they’re there for a guy but guys don’t think or notice them. Plus my thoughts now have more feelings. ‘I guess they are not really too many as I am glad to be Ashley. Part of my problem is my head is still too much boy. “Mom, do real girls have vagina talks with their Mom’s?” Mom and Cathy quickly become more modest as I mentioned ‘vagina talks’. They both laugh and relax, as Mom says, “I don’t suspect most but I shouldn’t be surprised that we will.”

“Do we need to get down to our panties or less, or do you just want to talk,” she asked?

My eyes got wide, “Could we?” Mom and then Cathy both stood up and took off their panties. Mom also took off her large shirt as they both sat back down. It is now me who's being modest and slow…”
 
 
Character List:
Ashley/ Jack
Bridgette — Mom
Cathy — Best Friend; Steffi — Business partner, housemate friend
Joyce — Bad social worker; Officer Roger — Friend to Jack
Dr. Ann Akers — Psychiatrist; Officer Tracy
Deanna Briggs — New Teacher; Kelli Geortelli — Teacher at Beacon Hill School
Patti and Aidan - Mrs. Kelli Geortelli’s children
Jess, Norm and Cody - Street friends
Dr. Johnson; Dr. Reid - Surgeon
Joani and Collin Richards —Friends; Mr. Richards
Johnny (nasty), Val — Friends of Collin
Marie, Cassie, Ryta - Friends
Constance (Connie) McGregor — Assistant City Attorney
Dr. Mercer at Columbia Presbyterian; Paramedic — Maria Lopez

---

 
 
To Be Continued...
 

 

---

Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

---

 
 
Now... You’re nervous; being a girl is like a second language to you;
being a girl needs to become normal...
I got up on the platform trusting hoping Jeff would not stop or hit me. He didn’t and I looked to…
Ken seemed a bit timid when he came to sit down; only after he sat did I understood why. Ken had lip-gloss on and a little mascara…

Chapter 9
 
“Ashley, come on an unzip your skirt and just let it fall.” I took the zipper half way down and expected the skirt to fall, but the skirt was still resting on my hips. “Now that’s nice for a girl,” Cathy said. “I hadn’t realized how nicely you are filling out.” I tried lightly to pull it down, but needed to bring the zipper completely down. It was good to feel it coming down over my hips.

I looked to Mom as I began pulling my top from the bottom and bring it up over my head. I was thinking of one of those strip-tease songs as it came off. My bra was one of those that unhooked in the front. I wanted too, but I was now embarrassed. “Phoenix, it is okay you are a beautiful girl… no young woman,” Mom reflected me. So I unsnapped the bra and sat down across from Mom and Cathy.

“O Phoenix, you have blossomed,” I looked down as she spoke and the signs of the surgery had disappeared. I could see my vagina.

“Mommy, I thought one of you would have teased me with one of those songs for a girl stripping off her clothes?"

“Not today; it would take away from the moment,” Mom said as she lightly stroked my hand.

“I don’t know, I’m too nervous, maybe we should do it another time when I am more of a girl?”

Mom lifted my chin and asked me to look at her. “Phoenix, you are a girl and I think that is why you asked for the vagina talk. You’re nervous because being a girl is like a second language to you. Being a girl needs to be normal for you. You are Ashley Phoenix Riley; wonderfully and completely a beautiful young woman in the best sense. What would you like to talk about?”

“Silly stuff, like bikini brief panties, they don’t really cover my ass? And why is this called vagina talks?”

Cathy spoke, “It’s because you are not used to talking to your Mom or a best friend about such things. The bikini cut is so your panties don’t show above your pants or when a girl wants jus the barest coverage. Once you're used to them they’re a good feel.”

“What’s different about a vagina from a man, Mom asked?” Well, dah.

I giggled, “He doesn’t have one, he just wants into it. He doesn’t understand, it’s just a slit to him.”

“…And for a woman?”

“It is life, even the bleeding is a sign a woman can create something beautiful. It would be funny to see a baby try to come through a boy’s penis.” We all giggled at that image. “As a boy, I thought girls were just missing something, but being a girl has much more feeling and power.”

I continued, “I don’t like that it gets yucky, or cramps, headaches or that I feel fatter during the curse. Your vagina looks beautiful.

“Men think with their dick, but women don’t just feel with their vagina.” Cathy moved around behind me and hugged me from there. I was nestled in her arms and I could feel her breasts against my back. I just relaxed instead of getting excited.

“I don’t mean to look at your vagina or Cathy’s but I can’t see mine to well. I’m kind of jealous.”

Mom soon placed a hand mirror that she put down in front of me. “Women sometimes think like that; like the way, men think about size. Look can you see your vagina there is a beauty to it? If you or Cathy lightly touches it, you can feel and see it come to life. Do you feel the joy and sensation beginning to grow?”

For some reason, I guided Cathy’s hand to lightly touch me there. Watching my vagina change did have its own beauty. Cathy withdrew her hand and guided me to explore. It was like exploring something I was a stranger to. It grew, becoming warm and wet to my touch.

We soon were back to visit. “How does a girl know if she really loves another girl,” I asked. Mom leaned toward Cathy and gave her a kiss, cupping Cathy’s breast, I could feel her hand.

“That is a very good question; the body could enjoy most anyone’s touch and become aroused. But the body and your heart feel it deeper. Cathy and I feel different about each other than we do about others. It is like friendship, love and our sensual relationship are all tied together; where one part begins or ends isn’t so clear. We’ve known we were in love for a long time but because of society we had to work through some things about being together and being seen as a couple.”

“It is like my relationship with you. I cared about you since the beginning, you became a friend I cared about first, and then my daughter. Now as you became a woman the bond of love and mother/daughter take our relationship deeper. You are my daughter and that’s special. I knew weeks before Cathy proposed, you became her daughter and that was very important to me.” I now had trouble looking through my watery eyes, but I liked looking through my tears. Life had a feminine look through tears; it was not as weak as I use to think of it.

We talked for another hour and then we watched a movie. Mom had a lotion that she spread over my back and massaged it. It was after 1:00 a.m. when Mom woke me and walked me to my room. I hugged Mom’s arm until she lied down behind me and I fell asleep in her arms.

I was up early while Mom and Cathy were sleeping in. I made coffee and had other things ready to cook breakfast when I knew they were up. Mom and Cathy both preferred pancakes when we had fresh berries and presently we had both raspberries and blueberries, so I made pancakes and took a little Karo-syrup and made a berry compote to go with them. I put out some almond slices as well. I had cooked the sausage and it stayed warm in the oven. There was orange-pineapple-banana juice as well as plain orange juice and coffee.

Mom was the first to come to the kitchen and was pleasantly surprised by all I had done. I looked a little bit of a mess so Mom put a pretty apron around me and brushed my hair up to a pretty ponytail with pink and white ribbons in my hair. She wiped the pancake powder from my face and replaced it with blush, lipstick and a very light eyeshadow. I rose on my toes and twirled around twice as Cathy came into the kitchen.

“I don’t expect that you have a song you could sing to serenade us through breakfast with.” I quickly thought of George Harrison’s Here Comes the Sun, I played it on my iPod and sang along. Mom and Cathy were duly amused.

It was a nice day outside so the three of us went for a walk, but it soon became apparent that Mom and Cathy were enjoying the walk in a different way. “Mom, Cathy is it alright if I go window shopping and people watching?”

Watching people around NYC is an interesting event between watching residents, workers and visitors alike. Visitors have cameras for pictures. You can tell if someone is lost, trying to figure where they are. Then there are opportunists and vultures looking at them and seeing dollar signs or consignment goods. Men looking at women, but often clueless that the woman with them also has her fantasy.

I remembered one time as a street rat, seeing both a husband and wife sneak out of a hotel to be with someone else. I wasn’t sure if the man knew he was walking off with a T-girl, but he was happy when he came back.

Someone tapped me from behind, and I knew it was a street person before I turned around. “Jeff, you know better than that, what’s up?”

“I thought I would tell you Norm is sick. I was wondering if you could get me some of that Night stuff that I can take down to him?”

“If he is really sick you should get to a clinic or hospital;” ‘I was now talking as someone in a different world.’ But Jeff wouldn’t hear of it and Norm wouldn’t go on his own. I bought the night and daytime medicine, as well as a liquid Mrs. Geortelli gave to her daughter when she was sick. It was to help make sure she did not dehydrate.

I wanted to go down with Jeff but he said “No, you might have been on the streets but you haven’t been down there. There is no way I am going to let you know the way!” I wouldn’t tell Jeff I knew the way and I knew enough to stop arguing.

I went back home and changed into some dark jeans and a dark pullover. I knew where Mom had a stocking cap that I put in a fanny pack along with a knife and flashlight. I walked back to what I considered my emergency exit to the underground. I was two flights down before I heard someone walking above me. I became still and quiet, to make sure the person was not coming down toward me.

I forgot there was a turn I had to make on the third level to the left or behind me. I paused and remembered it was the hall and door behind me that I wanted. It was here I also needed the flashlight as well as let my eyes adjust. Another flight and half down, I came out to the tracks between my hole in the wall and the platform where they resided, hopefully, they are still there.

I heard rats or cats moving and some other creature, ‘They’re more afraid of me than I am of them’; it might not be true but it is a comforting thought. Once I saw a light from the platform I spoke up, “It’s Ashley; I am coming in to see Norm!” I waited to hear Jeff bark back for me to “get the hell out!”

“No can do, just don’t shoot or throw anything; I’m alone and no one followed.” I had only been to the platform twice and only once did they knew Jack had made it that far.

Before I could get up on the platform Jeff pushed me back and jumped into my face. “How the f** did you find your way?”

“Jack told me. And no, I don’t have it written down stupid.” I got up on the platform trusting hoping Jeff would not stop or hit me. He didn’t and I looked to find the direction I should walk. They used old boxes, blankets, even a tablecloth to partition off their areas. It wasn’t clean except by their standards. Norm was nervous or sick as I could hear him trying to throw up. Norm’s sleeping bag mattress was lying on three inches of old newspapers. The bucket he was using did cause my stomach to churn, but I held it down.

I bent down next to Norm and smiled, but he was at all well, he was at least twenty-five pounds thinner and he hadn’t had the weight to lose. One of Norm’s hands was down near his crotch, but yet a good six inches too high. When Norm needed to cough both hands went down there.

“Norm, does it hurt here when I press?” I was sensitive and yet pressed just a bit more than needed. I knew he needed to respond to the pain if I was going to talk him into doing what was needed.

“Man sx@t! He needs to get help before his appendix bursts or he’s f**king dead.” I didn’t need the language for me, but I did need to get through their thick skulls, meeting fire with fire.

“You’re not one of us, you don’t call the shots!”

“I know you Penis! I also need your help to get him above ground. Jeff, you can wait until it bursts and races the clock when it does or you can plan to watch a painful death. Or you can f**king help, there are no other options! Unless you gag him, he will cry loud enough for others to hear and your precious cover will be over!”

“I want to know how you got here and we’re not moving and you’re not going any place.”

“Stop me, and Julio and Hector will come looking and reign in holy terror; one is Special Forces dip s**.” “…Norm, help me get you up.”

Two others were there and one moved to help me; ‘thanks good god’. Jeff pushed me out of the way, “You better be right or you’re paying for this!” ‘I knew he didn’t mean money.’

The four of them were carrying Norm on the sturdiest dirty old blanket they had. We were one level down yet when I call Julio and told him, “Julio we’re coming out at 49th between 7th and 8th Avenue. Norm needs to be seen his appendix is about to burst.”

It took a moment for Julio to figure out what I did. “It better be worth it, your Mother is going to eat you for dinner?”

“Right or wrong she will do that, but at least Norm might be alive. I didn’t ask because the answer would be NO!”

“It will take me ten minutes to get there.” “Please make it five.” “Sorry, it already should take me twenty.”

We huddled around Norm on the street with Jeff getting across to people it was none of their business.” Officer Roger arrived a minute before Julio, which did not go well. But Roger wasn’t calling anyone, just making sure other police didn’t get involved. “I am glad we can do something to pay you guys back,” he said. No one thanked him.

Julio drove up and with a tarp to set Norm on in his SUV. I went with Julio as did Jeff; the others were given the address of where we were going. It was the Emergency Med/Surgery Clinic. Norm was taken in, but as the staff was telling Julio why they couldn’t do anything, Julio was writing out a Ten thousand dollar check. “Will this let you get started?”

“How do we know this is good?” I was losing my cool and had already said something questioning their ancestry. Julio kicked me out to the waiting area and they reached an agreement without me. Mom was there before Julio made it back out. “You are so grounded.”

I smiled, “I know, I can already see China.” Mom was now angry enough she needed to go in and see Julio so she did not kill me. We were waiting and didn’t know Julio and Mom were staying in with Norm. “Okay everyone can use the restrooms and wash some of the stink off. And then we might still wait outside.” Others in the waiting area actually clapped.

I went outside but Jeff pushed me back in, “We need you in there to bring out any word of what is going on. Julio came out and told me to go back to bed #7. They were now ready to take Norman back to surgery. I had tears as I leaned over and gave Norm a kiss. He joked, “Give me a kiss when I can do something about it?” I turned and hugged Mom. The nurse said we could wait there but we went back out to tell Jeff and the others.

I made a call to Ryta and was talking with her when Ken from school came and gave me a hug. Ryta said, “I am just blocks away from the clinic and should be there quickly.” Mom told me, “I text both of them saying you could use some support.”

“How did you get their phone numbers?” I was sure Mom had been into my phone. “Ryta had given me hers and Julio and Hector both had Ken’s.” When Ryta came I was too happy with Mom to be angry.

Ken had already backed off because of my aroma when Ryta handed me a sack. “It has a skirt and blouse, please go in and change.” I was soon out in the waiting area. The clothes were clean and fresh but I had squeezed into Ryta’s clothes. “Thanks, Ryta but I am almost bursting out of this; I must look a sight.”

“Everyone with the possible exception of you likes what they see?” I looked around the waiting area and even a boy about eight was wide-eyed and smiling. I took my lip-gloss out and redid my lips. I walked over to the boy and carefully bent down and asked to whisper something. Looking at his Dad, I smiled and gave him a kiss on his cheek. His dad smiled as I stood up and walked back to my seat.

By the time I turned around and sat down the boy was already in the boy’s restroom. When he came back out, my kiss mark was still on his cheek. “I guess he’ll keep it until his mother wipes it off,” his dad said with a laugh.

It was another forty minutes before we got word that Norman was through the surgery and safe. Jeff gave me a quick hug and thanks. Mom and Julio talked about who would take Norman for the next few days. Officer Rog had checked in but if they helped, Norm would be in the Human Services system. We would take Norm home for three days, and Julio would take him or find a place after that.

Julio had bought a sweat suit for Norman to wear home as well as sneakers. I whispered to Mom, “I was hoping we would get to dress him up?” Mom smiled and I knew she was thinking but she decided not to share it there.

Mom talked to Jeff and gave him some money for cleaning supplies, a sleeping bag and enough for them to get something good to eat. I still had feelings for Jeff but when he walked away I knew we wouldn’t be any more than just friends. Now Ken and Ryta were a different matter. With Ryta around Ken knew not to take me for granted. Ryta, well Ryta wasn’t giving Ken any more room than she needed too.

We went and got a bite to eat so when we got back Norman would be close to going home. Ken wasn’t sure about getting something to eat, “Julio, I don’t know how you can take being around these women alone. I already feel immersed and it offends me. If Ashley wasn’t so hot I would leave.”

We got to the restaurant and Mom asked to talk to Ken as we were seated. I only heard Mom suggest he go to the men’s room and either do something or leave. Mom joined us at the table and our waiter Claude seems to know mom and understood her request to come back.

Ken seemed a bit timid when he came to sit down and only after he did, I understood why. Ken had on lip-gloss and a little mascara. I looked toward Mom but there was no expression. “I hope you don’t feel bad Ken, I like you.” He just glanced up and when he saw I was not laughing, I saw a little smile.

Claude went around the table and asked names and what each of us wanted to order. Ken was the last to order, “I would like bacon burger, fries, onion rings, and a cola.” “…And your name please?” “My name is Ken.” “…can I call you Kensey?” Ken pause, “That would be fine for now.”

I thought Ryta was about to lose it. Ken, on the other hand, relaxed and changed. We casually ate our light lunch and were on our way back to the clinic. Mom invited, “Ryta and Ken when we go back to our place, when we leave the clinic you are invited over for dinner.”

Ryta quickly said, “No thanks, another time please.”

I was surprised when Ken said he hopes to, “I will have to check with my mother Ms. Riley; I will if she says it is okay, I will come.” ‘How does Mom do that, did she threaten him?’

Ryta, Julio and Ken went in to be with Norman and I grabbed Mom to talk with her, “What happened with Ken?

“I heard Ken had a temper around women that started with comments like he made that climaxed with him going into a rage. I didn’t want boys dropping out of your life, so I took a chance and suggested the lip-gloss and mascara or for him to cool down and go home. He took the makeup and went to the men’s room.”

“I think he is a sensitive boy, but he surprises even me. Other than Claude being ready, I was surprised by how everyone received him. I wonder what Norman is thinking right now.”

“I’m sorry Mom but I suspected you threatened him or something.”

“I suspected you thought something like that. Thanks for waiting and getting me aside to talk with you. You handled things quite well. Do you mind if I suggest something, …after Ryta leaves, you might want to give Ken a kiss even if it is just on the cheek.”

“Moms don’t usually suggest kissing to their daughter,” I began to giggle. I took hold of Mom’s hand and we went in to see Norman.

Julio, “Ryta received a phone call and left; she said, she would call you later. Norman laughed when he saw Ken and Ken told him it was therapy and they both laughed.”

It appeared Ken had touched up his lips as he tried to give the lip-gloss back to mom. “I suggest you hold onto it as a keepsake or in case of emergencies.” Mom gave Ken a hug and told him she was proud of him.

I held Ken with one hand and took hold of Norman with the other. I looked to a nurse, “Is he already feeling better or is it the medication?”

She smiled and said, “Both, we will send him home with two prescriptions for you to pick up.” She drew me aside and asked in a soft voice, “Is she really Bridgette Riley? I know she has helped others before but this is the first time I have seen her.”

“Did she help others this year,” I asked?

“I shouldn’t say as I shouldn’t have asked, but this is the third one I know of. This is by far the most expensive, but someone said that this one is credited to you. We think you save his life.” With that, she gave me a hug and left. I needed to sit before I fell on the floor. I looked at Norm realizing he could have died and began to cry. Norm reached through the railing and touched my hair. I looked up and he was smiling.

‘Ms. Riley, can I show you how to care for Norman’s wound?”

Mom asked for Julio and me to learn as well. The surgical area didn’t look as bad as I thought it might. But the idea of smelling it as well as looking for an infection turned my stomach. We went to the waiting area as the nurse was to help dress Norm.

While we were sitting down, the eight-year-old boy and his sister and dad were coming through. I thought they were already gone. But the Dad wasn’t happy. We heard him say, “Thanks Doc, we would like to do more but…”

I looked to Mom and she was already rising, “Dr. Bennett, what is the problem?”

“I can’t say unless Mr. Pulaski gives me permission.” Mom looked to the father and he gave his approval. “Renee needs to be hospitalized, but her father owes too much and earns too much to get more help. We have tried for over an hour and a half to find someone to take her.”

Mom asks, “Would Columbia Presbyterian be able to treat her?” “…They can’t treat her because she is outside of their district.” “…If you know a doctor there who could treat her call her or him and let me talk to them.”

“Mr. Pulaski, is it alright if I help you? We will get her into a good hospital and treated, but I would like it to be Columbia Presbyterian if possible.” I was crying like Mr. Pulaski. The nurse came to tell us Norman was ready to go home. She saw Mom and put up four fingers and I smiled through my tears.

“Julio, why don’t you get Kensey and Norm in the car and we will join you in just a moment. If you rather you could take them to the house and we will be right behind you.” Julio agreed and got his group together.

Dr. Bennett was back out with a phone, “I have a Dr. Canfield on the phone, and he says he knows you.” Mom took the phone and the conversation was light yet serious. Dr. Canfield was agreeing to be the admitting doctor and get the appropriate medical people. “Bridgette, would you mind if I put my intern on her case to treat the infection and watch over things with me?”

“If this is the one you advocated for, please by all means. I agree she is super. I will send a check for Renee’s visit and treatment this time. You make sure the city and the state don’t take it for a prior bill somewhere.”

Mom wrote a second check to Emergency Med/Surgery Clinic. “Dr. Bennett thanks for your help. Give Mr. Pulaski his payment back and use the remainder wisely.”

I kneeled down to Renee and even through her discomfort, she took my heart. “Renee can I please come and visit you tomorrow?” “…can you bring me some pretty ...stick?” I looked to her Dad and then said, “would pink be nice?”

Mom tugged me as we needed to get back to Norman…

Is the story still fresh and should it be continued…?

---

by Jessica C.

 

---

Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

---

 
 

I first ran away from home when I was 10 years old...
my mom had left two years earlier because of abuse from my dad, but she left me...
The next time I changed my name was when I ran away into New York City....
I became what we called a street rat; living on and under the streets...
Until I followed this woman Bridgette too closely.

Previously... “Julio, why don’t you get Kensey and Norm, and take them to the house and we will be right behind you.” Julio agreed and got his group together… Dr. Bennett was back out with a phone, “I have a Dr. Canfield on the phone, and he says he knows you.” Mom took the phone and the conversation was light yet serious. “Bridgette, would you mind if I put my intern on her case to treat the infection and watch over things with me?”… I kneeled down to Renee and even through her discomfort, she took my heart. “Renee can I please come and visit you tomorrow?” “Could you bring me some pretty ...stick?” I looked to her Dad and then said, “would pink be nice?” …we needed to get back for Norman…

Now... Are you going to mind me wearing one of your nightshirts?” … you would need to be the one to initiate it. I was wondering if you have some of Claire’s clothes that might fit him. … If we knew what Jack had we might have invited him into our group or bopped him off.” “Are you serious about that?”

Chapter 10
 
It was a sight to behold, Norman who was in bed and Kenny next to him sitting up straight on the edge of his chair with his hands in his lap. I walked over to the bed, “Thanks Ken for watching Norm so closely.” Ken’s facial features appear softer as he looked up to me. He appeared to be squeezing his legs together, as one needs to go to the toilet. I thought Kensey was so cute.

I said, “Norman, we picked up the prescriptions so you can stay ahead of the pain. Mom will be in soon so she can give you your next dose. We didn’t know your clothes size so we didn’t get anything while you're staying in bed. I was wondering if you would consider one of my larger nightshirts.”

I turned to Ken, “Kenny you can go and help Cathy or Mom, or just find our living room and watch TV. I will wash Norm’s hair and clean him up a little more.” While the clinic had cleaned Norm up quite a bit, they didn’t touch his hair or clean up where I would be of help.

I had already showered and shampooed and was cleanly dressed again.

It was different shampooing someone’s hair in bed; as I now had on a tank top and was leaning over Norm. Not to dwell on him looking at my boobs, I struck up a conversation and Norm was happy to talk.

“Ashley, did we ever meet when you were on the street?”

"I said, It was more like we would see each other here and there. My talking with Jack was easier because he was younger and smaller.”

He said, “Thanks for shampooing my hair. You know it doesn’t happen very often.”

“I am glad you still have a nice head of hair. I just hope I can get it clean and tangle free; Mom doesn’t want to cut it unless we have too.” The shampoo had a tar scent to it; it was to help kill of any fleas, lice or eggs in a person’s hair and body.

The first time through shampooing was the worst and really gross. I tried to convince myself differently, “I didn’t know you have such nice hair and it looks like it is cleaning up well.” I rinsed out his conditioned his hair three times before I was satisfied. I wrapped his head of hair turban-style in a towel. I wanted to wash him before I dried him and changed the bed. “Are you going to mind me wearing one of your nightshirts,” he asked.?

I smiled, “I can remember how it felt to put on something nice and clean; no, I won’t mind. But I need to ask which would you rather wear pink or violet?” I could see his eyes tear and I was worried. “I’m sorry Norm if it is that upsetting I can try to find something after supper that wouldn’t be as upsetting to you.”

“You don’t understand Ashley, it is not like I want to be a girl, but it’s hard to be sensitive and show feelings around the guys. I am comfortable with your asking about pink or violet, I’m sure it will sound strange, but I would actually like to wear one of them tonight. I bet it will feel soft and smell fresh. If it had the scent coming out of… that will be okay, I'd even prefer it.”

“I’ll give you the pink one with a cute hummingbird if you are open to it. I’ll even shake a little of my wildflower powder on it, but only you will probably notice.”

He smiled and asked, “Ashley, why did you come down to the hole and care enough to help me? And your Mom why is she helping? If I had a daughter, she wouldn’t be down there, and I would have turned me over to others. This isn’t a penthouse or mansion and she’s no Rockefeller or rock star getting her picture in the paper?

“My Mom is cool, even cooler the more you know her,” I said. Norm was rolled over on his right side, and his back and butt were much grosser to clean than his hair. He had sores, they either didn’t look for or didn’t want to see at the clinic. I quickly left the room to ask my Mom or Cathy if they had any ointment and bandages I could use.

I bumped into someone in our hall. “Hello, I’m Monica; your mother asked me to come over because I am a triage nurse. She asked if I would come and check on your friend. You would probably like me to clean him up as well?”

“I think you looking after him medically would be great. I can’t say, I like cleaning him, but I kind of do want to do what I started. I was a street rat too; it kind of helps me.” I knew it didn’t make sense to anyone but me.

Ken came from the TV area, “Ash was you like that? I don’t know how you can do it or live through it. How long were you on the street, one or two years?”

“For a smart kid, you didn’t listen well when it was about a girl?” I was more than a little ticked off, “I was on the streets for over four years; don’t let being a girl fool you. Some of the girls have been on the streets over eight to ten years and some will never come off them. The only reason it doesn’t feel like hell is that it had become normal.”

Monica was already in the room when I got there. She said, “You really told him, didn’t you? I’ve handled it for seven years and it is still unbelievable.”

Monica asks, “So Norman how long have you been on the streets?”

Norm replies, “I’ve been in NYC just over four years, but I don’t exactly remember how many years I was on the road or in small towns, including where I grew up. …I think I was fourteen. Now I’m somewhere between 19 and over 21. Time flies when you have as much fun as I did.”

I said, “You’re joking about it being fun aren’t you?”

Norman says, “Good, I’ve heard some guys’ say they like it, but that’s just relative to some of the institutions they put us in. Some places you get the choice of being the perp or the one abused that's about it. Since we have seven of us that doesn’t happen too much.”

Monica tells him, “You don't particularly like this Norman but before she cleans you any further I am going to give you an enema with an antibiotic in it. We need to clean you out and kill some of the bacteria in your system.” I figured I would help him get to the bathroom, but I didn’t have to watch.

The poor guy was not to poop for at least a half an hour. We just sat and talked, Kenny asked if he could sit with us.

Looking at Kenny wearing lipstick and mascara, “Kensey, you are driving me crazy; I am tempted either to wipe the makeup off or add more makeup like eyeshadow and a little blush to your cheeks.”

He says, “I feel a bit of the same, so take your best shot.

Norman chimed in, “I’m going to wear violet or pink nightshirt; so I say go for it.”

“You guys, I can’t believe you are talking in front of each other like this.” I put a towel clipped around Kensey’s neck. “Either, tell me to stop now or I won’t until I’m done.”

Kenny says, “You have to stop if I ask you too?”

“I stated my rules so speak or be quiet,” I told him to use another bathroom to wash his face and then come back. He didn’t even do a good job drying his face. I had to finish it.

Monica came in as I was putting makeup on over the concealer on Kensey. “Don’t let me stop you; he does have a nice complexion to work with.” I stepped back and she was correct. Ken had a very fine complexion.

“I would like to arch your eyebrows but we don’t want things to be too obvious later when you go back to school.”

Monica suggested, “A good way to do that is to either tapper the front or the end of the eyebrows, not both.” Again I stepped back and imagined what she was saying. If you do the front, you can use an eyebrow pencil or marker to lengthen the end for the transformation and then change him back.”

“You’ve done this haven’t you,” Ken said to Monica?

She says, “I’ve had two unruly boyfriends,” there was a joyful yet mischievous laugh. I could see Ken soften as he became putty in my hands. We didn’t do anything without his approval.

“This is a neat experience; I wish it didn’t have to end. My mom’s an idiot and wouldn’t understand.” My Mom had heard him and suggested he call home and talk to his mother.

She asked, suspecting the answer, “Kenny, does your temper show even with your mother?”

He said, “I’m sorry Ms. Riley, but my Mom doesn’t deserve my respect. It is way too easy to walk over her so she kind of deserves it.”

Ken dialed his home and my mom asked to speak first, “Mrs. Stratton this is Ashley Riley’s Mom, Bridgette.” She stepped out into the hallway to continue the conversation. “Ken is over here at our home, and we asked him for dinner. We have a young man who is staying here because he just had outpatient surgery. Kenny was nice enough to volunteer to stay with him if you said it was okay?”

“That would be great, but I need to share a concern I have with Kenny.” She paused to think, “He sometimes discounts women with his words and begins to lose his temper. Would you mind if I shared something I was just able to record?” “…I wish it didn’t have to end. My mom’s such an idiot and wouldn’t understand.” “…Kenny, does your temper show even with your mother?” “…Sorry Ms. Riley, but my Mom doesn’t deserve my respect. It is way too easy to walk over her so she kind of deserves it.”

“I understand Mrs. Stratton, but I would like to suggest another possibility, but you would need to be the one to initiate it. I was wondering if you have some of your daughter Claire’s clothes that might fit him. …Yes, that is what I was thinking too. You could stop by either before or after we eat 6:30. I am going to let you talk with Ken and let him ask you to stay. You can decide whether you want to tell him now or then, and if you change your mind I would understand. It is good to talk to you as well. I look forward to meeting you.”

Mom was back in the room and handed Kenny the phone. Ken was on good behavior as he talked to his mom. “Thanks, Ms. Riley you seemed to get things across to my mother, I can stay the night and she said she would even bring other clothes in case it would be good to stay a second night with Norm.”

“
We will be eating around 6:30.” Mom then left as Norm went back in bed and I needed to finish bathing him. Monica soon finished with Kensey’s makeup and left to be with Mom and Cathy. Ken made sure he wasn’t seeing Norm being bathed and then finally excused himself to watch TV. Norm felt free to talk and was glad to have the focus back on him. It had been a big day and I knew he was very tired.

Norm was talking but was often staring at her breasts as he did so; “Ashley, to be honest not all my thoughts are nice either but I hope I am not being offensive to you; it just is so different to see a beautiful woman up close. I’m going to need a washcloth for my front after you are done.”

I had to giggle before saying, “Don’t worry Norman I can take care of that.”

Norm turns shy as he says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get excited like that. You're too pretty and girls like you don't usually give me attention.”

I caught my giggle, “I know I would have seen your hand if you did it on purpose. I guess it was a normal guy response, no pun intended.” Norm had to think and then laughed.

I was finally down to washing Norm’s feet; I couldn’t believe the clinic put his new sneakers over his rotten socks. Maybe they anticipated the mess his feet were. Monica would need to give them some attention after I was done. “Norman don’t your feet hurt?”

“I can’t tell one pain from the other. F**k it, I couldn’t do anything if I knew, my doctor has been out for a decade.” Norman joked.

“I’m sorry Norm, I was insensitive,” I was forgetting parts of that experience already. Finally, I had to run to the toilet to throw up. I had to clean myself up before I went back to Norm, which meant my black top had to come off as it smelled.

“Norm, please don’t turn around; I had to take my top off.”

Norm laughed this time, “Don’t you have a bra on? I see more than that on the streets every day.”

I said, “Not Ashley, you don’t?”

“Relax Ashley, I’m not looking,”

“I know and I appreciate that.” Norm winced as I left the biggest sore for last. I just about kissed his foot before I caught myself. I went around and lifted the sheet to clean off Norm’s privates and he was getting excited again so I threw some water on him. As I washed him, he began to get aroused again. “Cleaning your privates is becoming a losing battle?”

He laughed which distracted him long enough that his manhood shrunk again, maybe there’s hope.

I finished cleaning Norman and with his help removed the sheets and had clean ones for him to roll back onto. I called for Monica and got the pink nightshirt. It was soft, short sleeve and I shook just a little powder inside.

Mom came with Monica and they were duly impressed with how well I did. Monica, with Mom’s help, put on the nightgown. When Norm smiled and said thank you, everyone was very happy. Cathy brought in some broth, vanilla pudding and tea for his supper. We felt sorry for Norm but he was quite content. “Ms. Riley, whenever you are around we eat well.”

Mom smiled and said, “Thank you Norman.”

“Young lady you go and shower; we will be eating in a little bit.” Mom and Cathy both resisted giving me a hug or any contact.

Ashley thinks back as she’s in the shower, Slipping out of my jeans was emotional; the day's catching up with me. I had wanted to check the hole where I lived but didn’t. I was afraid of going down; finding Norman so sick and lying in filth. I wasn’t ready to go back as I thought. I didn’t want to do what I did. I was sick twice, I was standing there crying.

Mom was dressed when she came into the shower; she started with shampooing my hair. When I cried on her shoulder she hugged me. Even when I told her I was okay, she stayed. She continued to wash me until I grabbed the shower sponge and began to wash. “I am very proud of you Ashley,” she kissed my back and hugged me from behind. Finally, she left me to finish on my own.

Everyone, except Norm, was there when we ate. Cathryn had cooked up some pasta noodles with both a red and a white sauce for us to choose from, as well as salad, garlic bread, cheese, wine, iced tea or water. Everyone let Ken go first because to us he was Kensey; I think Kensey was the only one not to understand. Because of Julio, he wasn’t the only guy at the table. It was close to 7:00 when the doorbell rang and Mom went to welcome Mrs. Stratton.

Everyone this is June Stratton; people went around and introduce themselves. “Bridgette, is there a room we could use? Mom took them and showed them where the guest room was. Monica went and checked on Norm. She made sure he was ready for the night, giving his night medicine including something to help him sleep. I was going to sit with Norm and say goodnight until June and Kensey were coming down the hall.

I couldn’t believe it; she petticoated her son, so I went back to the dining room with them. June held a chair for Kensey as she sat and helped to scoot her in. “My Mom said, I need to apologize to you and ask if it is still okay if I stay tonight? I am sorry and I am willing to help, mostly I want to stay because I need your help.”

Cathy spoke for the house in both accepting the apology and approving Kensey’s staying, “Kensey, you are very welcome to stay, just know as long as you stay this weekend it is Kensey who is our guest.”

He said, “I deserve that and agree.”

“You don’t quite understand our thinking. Being a young woman is not what you deserve but for us honored to be. We will correct you on things like that even if we are in public. When your mother is ready to leave, make sure you thank her for her help.”

It was another half hour that June stayed enjoying herself. When she was ready to leave, Kensey got up and helped with her chair; thanked her mother for two more outfits and curtsied to her mother. June gave Kensey a hug and kiss on the cheek as she would do with her older daughter.

I walked with Kensey to put her outfits in the guest room. Then I took her by the hand to the room Norm was in. We stayed there until Norm began to fall asleep. I sent Kensey to the TV room so I could check Norm for the night.

I should have gone to bed myself, but wanted to watch a movie with Kensey. I was leaning on her shoulder, within twenty minutes I began falling asleep in her arms. Mom finally insisted I go to bed and she suggested, “Kensey, we put some night clothes in your room and suggest you go off to bed as well. We do not want to hear you up and moving around during the night.” Both Mom and Cathy gave her a goodnight kiss on the cheek.

I cleansed my face, changed into some baby doll pajamas and was getting into bed when Mom and Cathy both came into say goodnight. Mom teared up the most as she shared how proud and how scared she was for me today. She was now shaking as I did earlier.

“Mom, did you tell Mrs. Stratton to petticoat Kenny? I hope she doesn’t break the secret about what you do?”

Bridgette says, “I don’t want to change the focus from you, but no, I didn’t tell Mrs. Stratton about what I do in helping some men. I did share our experience with Ken and suggested something needed to be done.”

Mom continues, “I would not trust Ken or Mrs. Stratton with that information; nor do I want to be working with one of your friends, I would see that as an unwanted conflict.”

“Ashley, while I am so proud of you; it would be very hard on me if you ever did that again. I ask that you never do anything like that again without talking to me. I know it has deeply touched you and I am sensitive that it might take a toll on you for the days ahead."

It was closing in on 3:00 a.m. when I heard someone scared and crying; it was coming from the next room where Norm was. I got up to put on my short robe and checked on Norman. “Norman, it’s okay, you’re with Ashley, Jack’s friend. Come wake up, you’re okay.” I turned on another light, so Norm could see me better. He began to relax and figure where he was. He was hugging my arm, “Norm, I want you to wake up. You’ll sit up and in a moment I’ll help you get to the bathroom unless you rather use the urinal or bedpan.”

He was waking up and sitting up and was amused that he was in a girl’s nightgown. “Do you remember about this?” “…Something?” “Do you remember what happen yesterday?” “…I was in pain, awfully sick and you came, but how did you get there?” “Did we stay there?” “…No, you and the guys got me up above ground. Then surgery, but I’m not in a hospital; I am with you. That’s why I’m like this,” as he smiles.

“Did I tell you why it was okay?”

I smiled, “Yes you did, and I can smell the powder or perfume you use.” Norm was sharp already, I was happy for him.

“I think I am ready to try for the toilet.”

“I think so too. What would you think, about sitting up for a while when you are done? ...Let me get a chair ready and then I will help you to the bathroom.” I put a blanket and sheet over a good chair. “I’m not sure, maybe I should wake my Mom; I’m not sure if Julio is here.”

“I think I can walk with your help to keep me steady,” he scooted down and we were halfway there with no trouble. “When we get there and you turn around, can you get one side of your nightgown up and I’ll get the other side?” He smiled and said yes, and we managed fine.

Other then plopping down a little hard, he did very well. Sure that he was alright on his own, I left him to his business but left the door open. I went and got one of my panties and a liner and was quickly back. He must have seen me fixing the panty and liner together.

“What’s up,” Norm asked?

“I would like you wearing a panty when you get back in bed,” I said.

“I bet you say that to all the boys you date?” I fell back laughing and Norm was pleasantly amused. “Maybe not, you probably save the liner for some of us special guys?” I was again laughing but not so surprised by his humor now.

“Would you mind a couple of cookies and some milk?” After he said yes, I was concerned about leaving him alone to get the milk and cookies. “You are probably afraid of me running away back to my world? pause* Don’t be, Jeff doesn’t serve me cookies and milk.” He was in the chair looking fine but tired from the walk and going to the bathroom.

I brought back two glasses of milk and a plate of cookies. I gave him two and set the plate away from him. I sat down and we visited. He was looking back over to the cookies; they were chocolate chip cookies homemade by Cathy. “Just relax I want to make sure your body handles those two and the milk.” We talked another ten minutes and I gave him two more cookies. I wanted more but was watching my waist.

It was four after we made another visit to the toilet and got on his panty and were ready for bed. “Too bad your name isn’t Wendy?”

I asked why, he smiled, “Wendy read stories to the boys in ‘Neverland’.” I paused and he said “Peter Pan!”

I smiled, “Lay back and I’ll tell you a new story.” I got my composure and began, “Once there was a boy and he had a very pretty nightgown and dreamed of becoming a Princess!”

Norm began to laugh, “O that was a low blow, you are mean.”

“How about I read a real story like ‘Treasure Island’? Since we have a few days we can get a good start and then maybe find the video to watch.”

“You know we have electricity down there if we could find a DVD player we could watch some movies down there.”

“As long as you guys don’t go bragging and others come to take it from you?”

“Only another person from the streets would know how real that is. If we knew what Jack had we might have invited him into our group or bopped him off.”

I asked, “Are you serious about that?”

“Don’t tell him, we know now that we owe him, but then… He had a radio and earpiece, also a tape player and got things from the library. He picked up books and magazines, seemingly he was learning about something.”

“Yes, he and I both did that. It’s possible you know to be something more than just streetwise?”

“Where is he?” I wouldn’t answer, “Can you tell me at least if he is okay and happy? It kind of haunts a person to hear the horror stories.”

“Yes, I have only seen him once and talked a time or two since. I am sure he is happy. He said others wouldn’t recognize him but that was a good thing.”

I read about twenty pages of Treasure Island but I didn’t know when Norman fell asleep. Mom came behind me and gave me a hug. She got me to my room before she would say a word. “Not that you can’t but as you read, I heard a bit of Jack’s voice. It is very nice all you have done for Norman. I need to ask you, how you are doing?” It was after 5:00 a.m. before I was to sleep again.

Mom woke me at 8 a.m., telling me I needed to get dressed for breakfast. Telling me, we were going to our favorite neighborhood restaurant. We wouldn’t be going out but Mom and Cathy agreed it would be good for Kensey. I was sure Kensey would not think so at least at first.

Marie came over to the table and was very congenial to Kensey, but I wanted to speak to her alone, so she and I went out to the patio, even though it was too cold to be there. “Marie, do you know Joe Colavitto?” When she said she knew him well, I asked, “Does he have any girlfriends right now? I thought of him as I wanted to double date with Kensey tonight if possible.”

"I would be willing to arrange it if it could be six of us. There is an early dance from 6:30-8:30 at our parish hall, would that be okay?” I smiled and indicated that would be perfect. Marie was worried that they might not like each other.

“They have met about two years ago but Joe and she did not exchange names or information. I am sure she will be both happy and surprised.”

“You and Kensey should be to our parish hall by 6:30 tonight; unless you hear from me, know that Joe is coming.” I smiled and said thanks as I had to get back to our group.

“Mom is it okay if Kensey and I go to the dance tonight at the parish hall of Marie’s church?”

“Yes, as long as you don’t pressure Kensey to dance or do anything she doesn’t want to.” Breakfast was really good and Kensey relaxed and enjoyed herself as she felt accepted as a girl.

It was good to be back to the house and find Norman continuing to improve. Mom suggested for Norman to use a loose fitting blouse and jumper that was loose around the waist. He was very comfortable with that until 3:00 p.m. when Jeff and Larry came over for a visit. He lost the jumper and wore an oversize Giant jersey as he went back to bed.

Kensey tried to stay away and out of sight from the guys, but he was seen by Larry once. He asked, “Who’s the other girl?” Luckily for everyone the visit was short, as their odor was offensive to Norman. He asked upon their leaving, “Is that how we smell?”

It was around four that I shared with Kensey, “You and I are going to the dance at the parish hall over at Marie’s church. It begins at 6:30 and ends by 8:30 p.m. but we can be home by 8:00 or earlier if you so choose.” I mentioned some of the youth who were likely to be in attendance including Marie’s brother, Joe Giuseppe and Joe Colavitto and five other boys we knew from school.

Kensey stopped his protest soon after hearing Colavitto would be there. The outfit I had for Kensey was not too short and would flatter her appearance. Kensey asked, “Can we get ready for the dance early, I want to make sure I am comfortable with what I am wearing. I want to make sure that I can pass as a girl. I can’t chance people recognizing me.”

I suggested, “Kensey needs to practice speaking in saying 'yes or no, thank you for the dance or I need to be seated' short phrases like that.”

Cathy helped with Kensey’s outfit and hair. Kensey was very pleased as we made our way to the dance. Mom and Cathy walked a distance behind us, and I knew Julio would be watching out for us at the dance and our way back.

Joe Colavitto was there but did not come over until the second dance had begun and I was on the dance floor by then. “Hello, Marie said, you would be here and that we met before. I am very happy to see you Kensey, you are very pretty.” Kensey’s reply was so soft as not to be audible.

“I did meet a very attractive girl at a Halloween dance once that looked a bit like you. Rightfully you are older, looking more mature and beautiful, I'm not sure if that was that you?”

Kensey smiled, “Yes Joseph, I liked you then and have watched you playing football.”

The third dance was slow and Joe had Kensey on the dance floor. Only a time or two did another boy step in, to dance with Kensey. I enjoyed dancing and visiting on my own so that I did not notice when they had left the dance area before 8:00 or until seeing them around 8:20 p.m.

Kensey was still happy if not more so; I could tell her makeup and hair had been fixed. She would not acknowledge what she did or didn’t do. “Kensey, can you at least tell me if you still like Colavitto from before?”

“I’m not really comfortable with it but I need to tell someone. I’ve loved him since then. He even wants me to tell my parents that I love a boy and to see if he can take Kensey out on special occasions.”

“So what do you think about that idea Kensey?” She smiled and then I asked, “Is it Kensey he wants to go out with, do you feel the same way?” She stopped in front of my house took my hands and looked at me.

“Ashley, what should I do, I don’t want to be a homosexual? I can’t help myself with Joe, I love him, I’ve loved him for two years, and today I told him.”

“It sounds like this isn't just a passing phase, it seems what you feel it is real. Ken/Kensey I care about you a lot that doesn’t change because you might be different than you thought you were. I want you to consider how you need to love and care for yourself? I don’t think being a homosexual or a transgendered girl is a choice. Maybe you just like to crossdress?”

Kensey says, “You’re saying I’m a pervert. How can you say that?”

“You are treading on very thin ice with me Kensey, please be a bit more sensitive. My parents are lesbians; I will slap you silly if you call them or me perverts or anything else derogatory. That is your warped thinking!”

He apologetically says, “No, your parents are cool; even my Mom might accept me. Maybe she already knows. She did give me my sister’s clothes to wear; my sister wouldn’t even do that.”

“Are you saying your sister knows you dress as a girl? If it's not her clothes then what do you wear? Wait how come I didn’t know?”

“Claire let me use older clothes and let me hide my clothes in her closet.” My Mom, Bridgette, and Cathy found us outside and told us we needed to get in the house and ready for bed.

I visited with Mom while Kensey was in the shower. Julio already told Mom what Kensey and Joe did, “Ashley, you are Kensey’s friend and unless she/he tells you that is what your friend wants you to know. You two need to get a good night's sleep. She needs to be Kenny when he goes back to school on Monday. That is a lot to handle.”

I said, “I can’t believe you won’t tell me? It’s not fair even if you think it is right. Can you tell me if you were surprised?”

“You set him up with Colavitto, so tell me, should I have been surprised? You seemingly knew something. I suggest you go visit and check on Norman. Let your mind clear and think of other things.”

When I got back to Norman, he had Treasure Island turned to page 77. I read and he asked me about the dance. He was guessing that Ken went as Kensey. “He wouldn’t come into see me after getting dressed, so she must have been passable as a girl.” We only got to page 85 because of talking. “He must like dressing like that a lot more than me, but why wouldn’t he let me see Kensey before the dance?”

Ken was in a nightgown and robe when he came in to say goodnight to us and visit a little. “Hey, Ken why didn’t you let me see you before the dance? We’ve both been doing it this weekend. It’s been quite the weekend and I want to thank you for being here for Ashley helping me. You helped to save my life.”

Ken smiled, “Yes, it has been quite the weekend for all of us.”

---

 
 
To Be Continued...
 

 

---

Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

---

 

 
Chapter 11
 
Come Monday things were on their way back to normal with a few changes. Kenny was back to being himself but his hair wasn't back to normal. It would take a while for the curls to fully come out. Though he said otherwise, he liked having an excuse to look more feminine. Colavito became friends with him, and presently no one knew or cared why.

Norm continues recovering fine and we were reading through Treasure Island.

Crossover Day was this week and Norm knew of Patty, a former Street Rat, I was seeking to portray her for gender bender day. Though Norman had seen Patty a few more times and closer than me; he was no surer if Patty was male or female.

I had gotten dirty Tuesday night and slept on the floor that night. Come Wednesday I bound up my breasts in elastic bandages and brushed my grungy hair into a ponytail, and just used a discarded elastic band to hold it together.

Patty was as tough as the street, most were not sure if Patty was a guy or a gal, and Patty played that for all it was worth. Two or three times a year Patty was in a definite girl mode and more often one was sure that Patty was a boy and the rest of the time it was like Patty intentionally made people wonder. Patty and the gang Patty were usually in lower Manhattan but they were known to travel around the city’s five boroughs as well as Staten Island. Usually with immunity or with an uneasy understanding about turf issues with other gangs. However, they were always ready for a fight.

Patty was known to help with rescue efforts of people caught under rubble or in fires. Three years ago Patty went down one construction mess and never came back out. Rumors circulated that the City or others wanted her out of the way and that Patty was dead. Others speculated she made a deal and it enabled her to start life over. Yes, I refer to Patty as she, that is my guess, but if Patty is alive I don’t think it was with the City’s help.

Two Labor Day Parades people thought Patty surfaced as a girl wearing a ball cap in the parade. But during the parade, there were no less than seven girls with baseball or football caps that could have been Patty. Last Labor Day I heard that more than 30 people in the parade dressed like Patty. People again thought was one of them was Patty, but if yes, which one.

Patty’s group is not pleased with any one of them, not even Patty if Patty is alive. Hank her closest friend probably knew one way or another if Patty's a boy or girl but he didn’t tell. Someone offered him money to tell but got their phone camera destroyed.
 

 
I put on a pair of tattered jeans purchased at a clothes closet. I wore clean panties underneath, no one needed to know. Most students at school found my outfit neat or disgusting depending on seeing it as Patty or just filth, or whether they cared or not about street people.

Ryta dressed as a guy. Kensey had an excuse to dress nicely as a girl, surely he had someone’s help. About twenty percent of the school seriously dressed in recognition of bending their gender identity, i.e. Cassie acted like a lesbian walking around with one of the cheerleaders. People knew Carolyn wasn't a lesbian so they didn't take them seriously. Come, the end of the day I wasn't so sure about Carolyn.

Many more used stereotype images or dressed more like clowns; guys in trashy dresses and girls in boy's shirts some without bras. A good share of the bigger bust girls found bras before or after lunch. Most girls didn't mind a crossdresser using the girls' room as long as they used the stalls properly and didn't stare while they were in there. More than a dozen guys that I saw had makeovers sometime during the day, done by girls in school. They said they were forced or that High school girls did a lot better job. I wasn't sure who enjoyed the look more and who enjoyed most the attention they got from the girls.

Johnny for one is a follower, I wasn't sure if someone petticoated him in some way. I saw one girl treating him like a sissy. Several girls sprayed him with their perfume or out on him some makeup. He lost his book bag and went home with a violet fanny pack. I like Johnny but now I realize why I'm not attracted to him as did I want to be his nursemaid. He would either get some backbone to be his own person or he had a new future building on his being a follower. Come Thursday I knew he was again wearing pantyhose. 

 
Thursday Mom went to Boston for her business. Cathy knew of the trip but it was a total surprise to me and seemed to come up quickly. Mom would be back on Saturday and she insisted I don't have any plans. Come Saturday Cathy and I began early to prepare dinner for Mom, Cathy, Norm me and three guests. I wanted to go shopping and was very upset with Mom. She was to have called on Friday but didn't. Now 11:00 a.m. when she calls, I began fuming, as she told Cathy I was to be working on my term paper for history.

Later Cathy called me to come down to the kitchen, “Ashley come and get a bite for lunch; your mother will be here in a half an hour.”

“Mom said she would be home by now. I’m getting a little upset about how inconsiderate she's getting. I could have been shopping and back.”

“Ashley, hold your tongue, I don’t care if you agree or not with your Mom. You are not to be rude or impatient. Now get your buns to the kitchen and get something to eat.” I knew I overstepped my boundaries, but I was still upset as I entered the kitchen.

There were two teenage girls in the kitchen and another person behind Mom. I knew I was to introduce myself. “Hello, I am Ashley Riley. I’m fifteen and a freshman at Beacon Hill High School." I asked, "Are you from the Boston area?”

The oldest one spoke first. “I’m Dana and we live at Peabody and this is my sister Beth.” The names are the same as my sisters, but I struggled to remember or see their images before me. I strained to see the woman behind my Mom. Her sandy hair was similar, but she was smaller than my mother.

Dana stepped toward me and touched my chin. “You are very pretty. We're so happy to see you again.” Dana hugged me and Beth came up and joined us. “Are you really Tommy? Did you really want to become our sister?”

The woman said, “Ashley, we are now the North’s. I’m truly sorry I left you with your dad, but I couldn’t get your sisters, you, and me all away. Two months after we moved out, your dad stalked us where we lived and threatened me. He said that I had to come back or he would hurt Beth the next time. Someone sent me pictures of your sisters where none were known to have been taken.”

“Did you know dad threatened and then abused me,” I asked with some resentment?

“We didn’t know that. If I had, I would have done something right then. I didn't know that nor that you ran away until I contacted the school last year. They thought you had moved away, but said that they had never received any requests for your records. That was when I contacted the police and found out you had run away.”

Beth came over to me and whispered, “Tommy, Aunt Bridgette said you are now a girl like me. You sound and look like a girl, but I think you are still a boy. I don’t think you would become a girl just to hide from daddy.”

“It is probably hard to believe but I chose to become a girl. Bridgette became my Mom. I had been living three or four levels down in an abandoned subway shaft for four years. This was the first year I was in school since fourth grade.” Beth resisted trying to touch my clothes or me.

“I can understand a boy wanting to be a girl,” Beth said and Dana giggled a little. “You really have breasts and what about…?” She wouldn’t mention my ‘penis or vagina’.

“Yes, though my breasts are small they are mine; they have just begun to grow like a real girl’s. And I am a girl in my panties as well.” Beth and Dana both blushed, but were happy when I asked, “Would you like to see my room and my girl clothes.” I looked at Dana and Beth and realized I was closer to Beth’s size in clothes.

Dana and Beth both bumped into me as we went to my room. “Dana, you are soft and very beautiful. You look a lot like Mommy.”

“You are pretty and luckily look like Mom as well. …Why do you already have a little red dress?” Dana inquires as she sees a breast form, “So do I take it your breasts are sometimes bigger? …How old is Bridgette, does she really act like a Mom?”

“Bridgette is my Mom, different than Mommy being my mother. She has held me when I cry and Cathy's going to be my mother too. I already call her Mother.” Dana and Beth were both surprised. I sat down on my bed watching Dana and Beth looking around.

Beth spoke, “You look like your mother here too.” I smiled and thanked her for the compliment.

Dana touched my leg, “You know most girls don’t wear dresses much?”

“Do I feel like a girl?”

Dana smiled, “Yes, both your legs and your face feel very nice, any girl would be proud to be you.” I was moved by that and I gave her a hug that she didn’t expect. She hugged me and I felt good about that. “I’m sorry we became strangers to Tommy, but I hope I can be your sister. Would you like to live with us or stay here?”

That shook me, my eyes tear and Beth asked, “Would you be sad to leave your mommy here?”

I changed the subject, “Tell me about your home and what mother does.” We talked another half-hour as Beth and Dana both look around part of the time.

Then I thought of Norman and I took my sisters to see him. “Hi Norm these are my sisters, Dana and Beth is my younger sister.”

Norm needed to tell me something so I excused my sisters from the room. “Dana and Beth, I want you to go to Mom; I will help Norm and then we will come and visit.”

Norm needed to go to the bathroom as well as to get dressed. “Norm, you need to be doing more of this yourself. You are not going to be staying here much longer.” I got a pair of pants and a shirt for him to change into when he came back.
 

  We arrived in the living room in time for Beth to ask, “Norman do you remember when Ashley was Tommy? Or did you know her only as Jack?” When Norm looked at me I blushed. My Mom, Bridgette, was over to me quickly.

Mom whispered, “It was going to happen sometime, I'm here for you.”

“Norm, can you keep this a secret? I was Jack, but I am really a girl.” He took my hand, “No wonder you understood Kenny and me.”

Norman and my sisters wanted to know more, but I said, “No, not now.”

Cathy called me into the kitchen to help with the last of the preparations for dinner. Mom, Christine North, came in to check on me. “Ashley you are a very pretty girl. Please don’t be too angry with your sister Beth, she didn't mean to embarrass you. She didn't know it was a secret.” My other Mom was preening my hair. “Do you do your own hair and makeup?”

Cathy hugged me from behind, “She is quite an accomplished young woman.” Mom, Bridgette came in, “Ashley, I talked with Norm and he’s agreed not to tell anyone. He said, no one would believe him anyway.”

“Why wouldn't he tell anyone Mom? I'm screwed.”

Mom said, “He said, I'd be crud to hurt her after she saved my life.”

“I didn’t help him to bribe him, Mom.”

Mom says, "I know, he just has a lot of respect for you. You know what that means among street people."

The chicken was done and I mashed the potatoes as Cathy made some gravy. There were buns as well as corn. Dana smiled at Cathy’s statement that I helped to cook dinner. “It doesn't take a lot of time to learn to listen to Cathy’s instructions. Yes, I am learning most of the stuff another girl would.”

During dinner, Mom asked, “Ashley, your family is staying until Monday morning. If it is okay with them, can one or both of them sleep in your room?”

“And where am I supposed to sleep?” I knew it would be in with Norm or on the couch in the lounge. I preferred the lounge even though the couch wasn't very comfortable.

“Your bed is a double bed and the cushioned chair turns into a sleeper. Two of you can sleep in the bed and one on the sleeper.” Bridgette said, “You now know you are sisters, take the time and space to become comfortable with each other.”

“I'm comfortable sleeping in the room with you, but if you rather I could sleep on the couch if Dana and Beth, want my room to yourselves.”

I was happy when Dana said, “Ashley's my sister, and tonight I’m her big sister! I hope Beth will be with us because we're all three sisters.” Beth wasn’t saying ‘yes or no’ yet.
 

 
Norm was ready to go back to his room and lie down as he was tired. Tonight he was to shower and get ready on his own; I would be there just in case. Norm sat down to go to the bathroom and took off his clothes while he's on the toilet. He uses a safety bar to stabilize himself while taking the shower and even shampoos his hair.

I place a pair of pajamas in the bathroom while he's showering, but he asks me for the teddy bear PJs or nightshirt. “Norm, my sisters are likely to come in to say goodnight, don't you mind being seen in girl's stuff by them?”

“I don’t want others seeing me but I don’t mind anyone in this household seeing me. They either have an open mind or would have left hours ago,” he says.

Norm and I have twenty-five pages to finish Treasure Island, and I was sure my sisters would come looking for me at that time.

Norm decided to sit up in his chair as we read the last of the book. I sat down and started to read and we progressed through five pages before Dana knocked at the door. Norm told her she could come in as he fitted the sheet around him. Dane had no trouble with what she saw to know Norm was wearing a teddy.

Norman is actually a little surprised she didn't say anything. “I thought you would stare or ask about my pajamas?”

“I saw that your nails are polished, so this isn't a big stretch. I just don’t understand if this Central Station for varied lifestyles?” Dana smiled, “I’m almost afraid to sleep here because it might cause me to change.”

“Dana, Norm isn't changing his life; what you see is him intentionally touching his softer side and being nice to himself in it.” Dana looked to Norm and he shook his head yes.

She smiles, “I have a boyfriend, who says in other words, that he can do that with me. I wasn't sure or comfortable by what he meant but maybe I do now.”

“So is he a friend who is a boy or a boyfriend,” I asked?

“That is what we try to figure out at times; it is hard for us to relax when we’re seeing each other as boyfriend/girlfriend because we are afraid of losing that close friendship we share."

I put down the book and went over to Dana; “You sound like the neat sister I got angry at many years ago. It was not just that you were gone, but you, Beth, and Mommy were so neat to be with. What is his name, he sounds like a very neat guy?” I’m thinking, ‘I didn't get so angry because they left, but because I held them to be so important to me.’

“Can you sit for a while and help me finish reading this to Norm?”

She looked at the book, “Treasure Island it’s a boy’s book that we had to read three years ago.”

Norm spoke, “Yes, I’m a boy, actually a guy.” We all laughed as Dana took the book and I show her where we are. Dana must be in theatre she reads with excellent inflection as she reads along.

We laughed after several pages and she asks, “Am I reading okay?” We sigh and she read on. We are to the last few pages and she pauses, “Ashley, would you read the end for me?”

We were caught up in the story and she stops. Norm and I are a little upset. She says, “It’s okay we should pause and think before it’s finished. It should build in our heads," she says. "We should be more anxious about the end.”

It was built up in our heads and we are already anxious, but she's also correct. The story is better for thinking about it and the pause helped. I read and my hand is on Norman’s hand as I finish the last page. Dana is squeezing Norm’s other hand. ‘She's right, I should be reading what Norm and I started.’

Mom knocked at the door, “I was outside the room as you started up reading again. I realized I needed to wait and I am glad I did.” Norm and I tell Mom how well Dana read as we listened.

Mom saw Norman was wearing teddy bear pajamas and she looked at Dana.

“Dana and Ashley could you, two get ready for bed. I would like to talk with Norman.” We left despite me wondering what Mom will talk to Norm about.

“Norm,” Mom sat down next to Norm, “You are not in trouble. It is that we need to talk about you getting on with your life. I've done some research; I think you’re Nick Anderson. Who you are as you go on is up to you? I just think you should have some choices. We really like you; you have become special to us. Whether you go back to your group is up to you. But you are 21 and if you want a new start; I want to offer a possibility.

“I know a group that usually works with girls coming off of the street. They have agreed to help some guys as well.”

He asks, “What's the name of this place?”

“The guys’ place would be Gopher’s House. To sign on you would need to commit to a number of things: like schooling, helping to take care of the place and getting to the place of getting a job, and claiming your own life. It is likely to take anywhere from one to two years up, even to four years. But it too will come to an end and you will ultimately be on your own. If you would like to get in touch, be it on your own, with your family in Indiana, or with your friends on the street that will be up to you?”

“You said I am 21; do you know that or is it a guess?” “…We know it.” ...Norm asks, "What about the police and Human Services?” “…The police don’t want you unless you did something they haven’t tied to you and Human Services stopped caring when you turned 18.”

“You know I can’t read and I am not too good with math or anything else.”

“Yes, we will help you learn some basic things, but it won’t be everything and we can’t do the work for you. Reading simple books, learning to add and write, read addresses, and street signs, and learning to use a watch or phone are things we will help you with. You probably know how to do some of it, but we won’t presume that.”

“Ms. Riley, you and Ashley have saved my life and I am very thankful. But your offer scares me. I don't want to be a disappointment. I never accomplished much. Plus underground when I get frustrated, I often hit and damage things. But everything down there is hard to destroy. It’s concrete and steel and no one cares.”

“Norm that destructive tendency is actually easier to deal with; women coming off the streets, often take it out on themselves. Trying to keep a woman from cutting or harming herself is more gruesome and disturbing than busted objects. I suspect you would have more trouble disappointing yourself than Ashley or me. We would just take the direct approach of kicking your butt,” she laughed as she said it. 

 
My room had a tension of a different sort. I want to show that I am a woman so badly, yet I find myself being very shy around my sisters. Beth's also shy around me when it comes to getting ready for bed.

Dana says, “Why don’t you go and take your shower, just tell me when you are in the shower so we can use the sink or toilet if needed?” I agreed and was fully undressed when Dana came charging into the bathroom. “My don’t you look like a normal girl?”

I was upset and didn't see why she was smiling. “You knew I was going to tell you when I'm ready!” Dana's already undressed and in a robe that she lets drop to the floor.

“Ashley, I am not really comfortable either, I just thought we needed to get past this nonsense. I am pleased to see you are a normal girl, but I’m also girl enough to be pleased that my breasts are larger than yours.”

I looked at my sister as I listened to her speaking, she's so beautiful. I found myself staring at her hoping I would take after her.

I forgot to take out my tampon and the tell-tale string gave me away. “So that means,” as she pointed, “That you actually have to go through our monthly visitor?”

“That pleases you, doesn’t it?” I tried unsuccessfully to withhold a giggle as I spoke. “Yes, it is my fourth time. I'm not sure you are aware I can’t get pregnant. They are not exactly sure why this happens.”

“Well, you better be careful with boys nevertheless.” She noticed I looked a bit sad. “You really wouldn’t mind having a baby would you?” She pulled me in for a hug. It didn’t register we were naked when she did so until I was in the shower.
 

  The shower is the first time since I woke up that I have time just for me. I began to sing and I heard Beth singing along. She has a pretty voice and I was glad she's comfortable to be in the room with me. “Beth, you have a very pretty voice.” I had waited till the end of the song.

I'm through my shower and Beth is still in the room, so I'm not sure if I should get out of the shower. She says, “So are you going to get out, or does only Dana gets to see you?” I opened the shower door and grabbed a towel as I step out. I was patting myself dry when I looked over to Beth and she was smiling. “So did your boy thing drop off or did a doctor need to remove it?”

I giggled as the picture comes to mind, of pulling down my panties to find my penis and scrotum still in my panties. “By the time they took it off, it wasn’t really working.” I went to the bathroom closet to get a tampon as I wrapped a large towel around me. Beth jumped up and sat on the counter of the sink, so I put the top of the toilet seat down, expecting we were going to talk.

“How long have you been a girl and living here with your new Mom? Before you answer let me tell you I think you are very pretty. I’m sorry I wanted to see you like this but I did.”

I say, “I just wished I looked as pretty as you and Dana? I have kind of been a girl for six months, only four if you count when I knew I was having my period.”

“Gross, do you know what TMI means? …Actually, I thought I wanted to hear it until you said it. If a friend says it, that would have been okay, but you are like my girly brother. …Do you date boys or have a boyfriend yet?”

“My Mom has let me do a few things kind of like a date, but she was about fifty feet away and could see me. I can go to dances and dance with girls or boys.”

Beth hesitated to ask, “Are you like your mother and Cathy? Or do you dance with girls like we all do as we are waiting for guys to ask for a dance?”

“I’m not sure. I have a friend Ryta that I like as much as any boy. Mom says I should just relax and not get too excited one way or the other.”

“Well, our mother would freak out if you came home with Ryta or whoever and started to kiss her. Don’t your friends freak out to see you with a girl or wonder about your intentions for them,” she asks?

“Yeah, but some people freak out or get worse if you talk to a black, a street kid, or whatever difference they don’t like. I danced with Ryta because her girlfriend was embarrassed about coming out in public. …I’m not going to stay away from dancing with a girl just because she might be a les.”

I say, “What if I find out I’m a lesbian and I'm bigoted against them? Does that change just because I see myself as being one of them? Ryta is one of my best friends and she, not a guy was the first to stand up with me when I was attacked.”

Dana knocks on the bathroom door, “Hey, I hope you are not talking in there without me. Our moms just checked on us and they will be back soon.”

Beth giggled, “You need to clean yourself before you use that tampon.” Beth leaves and I'm embarrassed. I take care of myself and put on a pair of teddy bear pajamas that are bright pink. My hair is being a problem so I decided to take advantage of having my big sister here.

I don’t know how but she knows where the curls should be and how to brush it out so it is like I had it. Our moms came back in as Dana is doing my nails.

“So are you just friends or sisters,” our mom asks?

“We’re sisters, but I think her home is here,” Beth responded. Without a second thought, I am nodding yes. I could see mom, Christine, choking up.

“I’m sorry mommy; I don’t want to hurt you. It is just this is where I became comfortable again and Bridgette has become my Mom and I don’t want to lose her. If I can’t have both of you then I belong here. I know you and my sisters are my family. It is not just being her daughter, but this is where I have lived as a ‘street kid’. She knows what to do if I become scared. If I need to speak about having changed from a boy to a girl. I’m not sure about that with you.”

Dana was already hugging our mom as I went to do the same. My Mom was behind me; I knew it was intentional not to come between me and my biological mom. Beth was hugging me, “Mommy, Ashley still is part of us, we’re her only sisters and you are her mommy too.”
 

 
I excused myself to check on Norman. My Mom here soon follows; “Mom would it be okay if I did something with just my sisters and my birth mother?”

Bridgette says, “Ashley if you would want to go back to your family? Then I need to let you know, I will not stop you if you want to.”

I hug her and sob, “Thanks Mom but I’m not a North, I am just closely related to them. I love them. I love you and Cathy, and my home is here with you.”

Bridgette asks, “Would you like a credit card so that you can treat them to dinner and maybe a show at the Radio City Music Center?”

“You would let me do all that wouldn’t you? I think that would be very nice, but they might want just to visit or do some shopping.”

“I have one of my credit cards in your name; I can give it to you in the morning. But you should go tell them especially your mother if it is something you want to do.” Mom kissed me and pushed me back toward my room.

“Mommy, Dana, and Beth, I’m wondering if it would be alright if just the four of us go out together tomorrow.” By their group hug, I knew we agree. Dana and Mom had moved my bed and placed the mattress on the floor along with the mattress from the other bed. Dana smiled, “Beth and I want to have you sleep with us. We even voted on it and if you vote yes it is unanimous and if you vote no we still win.”

“I guess it is unanimous then, cause I like to be on the winning side.” Our Mother had us get in bed as she tucked us in and gave each of us a kiss.

It is then I see my mother now thirty-seven. She is quite attractive; she has some gray in with her sandy hair which is styled to the top of her neck. She has hazel eyes like me. While I look a lot like Bridgette, I look even more like her. Seeing her and Dana gives me hope that I too will be gifted in the bust as well as the hips. When Mom kisses me, I take hold and with teary eyes to say, “I love you.”

She pauses and I know she hopes I will say something like “I want to live with you.” But I can’t say that. She becomes content with my love. “I love you very much, Ashley.”

No sooner than the light is off and the door is closed and my sisters are talking and closing in on me. “We love you, sis. It is so nice to see you,” Beth said. “…You said you have been a girl only six months tell us more. So is being a girl as nice as you hoped when you decided to change? What about being on the street?”

I was surprised but know I shouldn’t be that my sisters want to visit. Dana turned on the light and suggested we redo each other’s nails as we talked. Besides having Ryta over I'm not used to girls my age. Beth sort of figured that out.

“You're still not used to being a girl are you?” Beth smiled, “Could we raid the kitchen, and do our nails there?” We pack up what we need and go to the kitchen. The adults see us and don't need us to tell them what we're doing. They smile and we know it's okay.

We finally went to bed and come morning Beth was draped over me as I held her in a hug. It was nice having a little sister as well as Dana as my big sister. I know their mother is actually my mother, but that is not as simple as it sounds. How do I enjoy being connected but not together? I need to enjoy today for what it is, but it will be hard in some ways. 

 
We had breakfast at our neighborhood Italian restaurant. Maria had just come back from mass and she's happy to meet Dana, Beth, and my mother. I know she wants to go shopping with us, but I resist inviting her. Though they usually only played the violin at dinner time, the older Joseph played two songs for my family and other guests.

We took the subway to Times Square and sat up high in the bleacher structure, and there in the midst of thousands of people we talk without others listening. Dana shares, “Dad had come to Springfield to find us and after we moved to Peabody, we saw him twice in Boston.” Mom said, “We needed to stay out of Boston the rest of that year. We haven’t seen him since. Our phone number is unlisted and blocked to those seeking it.” “Mommy said,” Beth added, “daddy threatened her, and just before we left Springfield; he said he was coming to kidnap me.” Mother shook her head yes.
 

 
We went shopping at Abercrombie and American Eagle, where I let Mommy buy me some camisoles. The sheer pink and gray print is my favorite. I bought gifts for my sisters and my Mom.

We finally went over to Fifth Avenue where Beth found Light Blue perfume mismarked for $17.95. She called Dana and me over and we ask the saleswoman. “Yes it should be $47.95 but if you want to buy it, we'll sell it to you for that price.”

It has a very nice fragrance and if used lightly would be a nice sisters’ perfume. So we each used the sample bottle for each of us. Then I bought three bottles, one bottle for each of us. Mother said it was like having fragrant butterflies flying around her the rest of the day. Away from my mother, I found a mother/daughter cameo I’m having set aside because I want to buy it for Bridgette. The remaining time we enjoy window shopping and talking. Finally, at 6:00 p.m. we make our way to Radio City Music Hall.
 

 
While I bought the tickets, I had to wait as they had a message for me. “So you’re Bridgette Riley’s girl. It is nice to meet you. She bought backstage passes for you and your family to meet Carol Hall one of our favorite Rockettes. We would suggest you go back and see her instead of the movie and then come back out and watch their performance again but you decide and let one of the ushers know you have the pass.”

We did not know which one was Carol as we watched the stage show. They were in sparkling red, green, and silver outfits of various designs for different performances. It's their special Christmas stage show.

It is also one of the performances that the Orchestra rises out of its pit, moves back over the stage, and sinks back down only to surface back in the orchestra pit.

I learned that Dana plays the clarinet and Beth plays the flute and piano. Though she is gifted with the piano, they don’t have one. Her practice time is limited to school hours.

We went backstage during the movie and met with Carol Hall. While she’s very beautiful, she's taking off her stage makeup for our visit. It was interesting to see the Rockettes backstage changing outfits and some being fitted with feathered headdresses. Brianna and Karen, also Rockettes, come over and the three of them and the four of us have photos taken, in chorus line fashion, another picture of us doing high kicks is taken.

I didn't think I can do it but Carolyn helps me and I do a full split with her. Again it's caught as a photo. The last picture is Mom, me, and Carolyn; it is to be in a locket form and sent to my mother to show me off to others.
 

 
Staying around for the late stage show got us home around 11:00 p.m. Sitting in the taxi on the way home Beth, Dana, and I were singing “O What a Night” a Four Seasons hit. The morning is filled with tears, hugs, and kisses. I know my mother had mixed emotions saying thanks to Mom for reuniting us. I suspect she thinks Bridgette should force me to go back home with her. She doesn't know Mom has offered and I chose here as my home and my first family. I might be wrong, but if I am I could change my mind… 

 

To Be Continued... 

 

---

Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

---

 
 
Chapter 12
 
It is hard to get back to regular life with my other mother and my sisters Dana and Beth going home. Monday Norm is back in his clothes and decides to go to Gopher Hall. It is two buildings down from Star Academy; its entrance is around the corner on the side street. Norm and another street boy Harvey help to set up bedrooms and the kitchen on Monday. Come Tuesday Norm and Harvey have two more boys Lee and Rodriguez help patch holes in walls, clean bathrooms and paint as much as they and volunteers can.
 
 
Wednesday before going to school, I give Norm a gold chain and a hug; starting today he is living at Gopher Hall. I bought him a tablet for him to own, with five books already downloaded to it. Mom tells me later, “Ashley, I told Norm: He needs to be there sixty days before it is his.” Mom and I agree to block any downloading so he can read what he has.

“Whether or not it is his, I hope he can have use of it now!” Mom and I see things in a similar way but not exactly the same way.
 
 
I return to the store near Times Square with Cathy to purchase the Mother/Daughter Cameo for my Mom. Cathy tears up as we buy it, “She is going to love that Sweetie. What made you think of this as a gift?”

“I was kind of window shopping and it caught my eye. It is kind of symbolic of more than I can say. It is our first Christmas together.” I begin to choke with tears, “I know you are my Mom too, but I think of you more as Mom’s love.”

“Thank you, I love you and Bridgette. It is like I fell in love with the woman of my dreams and I’m getting a daughter I love as well.”

Cathy asks,“ So tell me how you are doing and how it is getting back to school?”

I think of a boy who took an interest in me at school and begin to say something but thought twice and don’t share. “Ashley, what is that about, you were ready to say something. “Is it a boy or a girl…” she saw my reaction and knew.”

“Yeah, Bradley started to take an interest in me today. I thought he's dating another girl, Miranda. But someone says they broke up after football season. Miranda’s a good looking person and very popular, so I am kind of flattered, he’s noticing me.”

“What’s he like? Do you think he’s attractive?”

I describe him,“Well he’s about five eleven, I think he’s attractive and is developing some nice muscles.”

“Does that mean you think he is quite attractive and some kind of a hunk?”

“Cathy, gee that’s embarrassing. You’re not supposed to fill in the information better than I do. It’s not like he’s my boyfriend. And talking to you kinda reminds me that I wonder about what Ryta would say if he and I went out.”

“So are you saying you wouldn’t mind to have him for a boyfriend but you’re worried about your girlfriend’s reaction?”

“I’m going back to calling you Aunt Cathy; it's easier to get angry at you then.” We both start to laugh and hug as we do. I am sure a number of people wonder about us.

Cathy takes me into a store and the second floor where they have a good selection of keyboards and musical instruments. “You’re Mom wants me to get your opinion of you buying a keyboard for your sister Dana?” Mom knows I had already thought of it.

“I don’t want to be greedy, but do you think it will be okay if we pick out a nice keyboard? Dana sounds very good on our piano…”

“…Select what you think would be a good choice?” I picked out a good Yamaha 72 key workstation with the needed extras to give it a stand, amplifier, headset, and other options.

Cathy says, “Let’s get this done so we can get back to our discussion about Bradley.” Cathy asks the manager, “Sir, can you give us a better price on the Yamaha and all this gear?” He refuses until she’s on her Galaxy 4 hunting for a better deal.

“I might not match them but yes, I’ll take 8% off everything if we sell it now.” Cathy agrees and gives him the address and arranges its delivery to Dana’s.
 

 
 
We go to Sardis for dinner; Cathy explains Mom is hosting a client. “So tell me about Bradley?”

“There’s not much to tell.”

“…Then make it up and sound convincing, I’m sure you know more and have thoughts.” I smile as I know she’s not backing off.

“Yes, I like Brad’s attention, now does that make you happy? He’s 5’ 11” with nice muscle tone but not overly muscular. He bumped into me three times today; I think he’s still awkward with girls.”

She giggles as she says, “So do you want to be the girl he relaxes with?”

I say, “It depends on what you mean relaxes with? I wouldn't mind, I’m kind of ill at ease inside about having a boy as a boyfriend.”

“Really, I didn’t notice you having trouble with Ken or Norman. Plus I’ve seen you flirt.” Cathy pauses, she knows I’m serious.

“Neither is my boyfriend, and yes I flirt, but I have trouble with a boy getting close or me seeing it as kissing another boy like myself.” The waiter did a double take having overheard, “a boy like myself.” I think he’s a would-be actor waiting tables.

Cathy's amused, “Sorry, but if I saw a boy like yourself, I would probably start dating boys. Sorry about that are you ready to order?”

Sardis is one of those places you can still order a meal and get what you want. Today they have their turkey and ham dinner, and I order asparagus on a bed of wild rice. I get milk to drink as well as water with lemon. Cathy orders lobster tail and we both share we want a good portion but not too much. With our meal order in Cathy and I head off for the ladies room.
 
 
After taking care of other things, I use a bit more make-up for the evening. Cathy compliments me, “Ash, you have a neat sense of fashion and make-up. I like that you use just enough and let your natural beauty shine through.” I look over to Cathy and feel pale in comparison, but I like the compliment.
 
 
As we go back to our table, I see Randi and his wife Jean in another booth and go to say a quick hello. Yes, Randi means he’s in femme mode. “Randi and Jean hello, you both look very pretty this evening.”

“Thanks, we’re both getting more comfortable being out. Where’s your Mom tonight?”

“She’s still working so Cathy and I are out for dinner.” I excuse myself as I see our salads are out.

Cathy comments, “Randi looks like she is comfortable being out.” I think Mom sees Randi as one who needs to live more as Randi for his male self to become more healthy and whole.

“So Ash what do you need to do to become more comfortable in your skin? I would like to help if I can.” I’m thinking, ‘Just do what you are doing, helping me to be in touch with being a girl.’

“You and Mom do a lot to help me. It is neat how you two are the same but different. You speak up and kind of push me to step out, you don’t let me stuff things down inside. Like, I wouldn't be talking about Brad, but stuffing my feelings as a girl for a Brad. I know I’m not a boy any longer but it’s like a safe place to go back too.”

“And how is your Mom different from me?”

“She encourages me, it’s like I can lean back against her with her arms around me and I feel safe to think what I can do. Mom would probably suggest I hug Brad the next time he bumps me and said something like, ‘No, I won’t excuse you, what do you want’ or ‘I like you too.’”

“That is so funny; I love the same about her.” She pauses before saying, “Ash, how do you feel about me marrying your Mom?” I can see by her eyes how she loves Mom, which I already knew.

“I hope you already know! I’m glad we are already being a family. I just wish I could see your affection for each other more. Sex is different from affection. Sometimes I’m sure you want to hug or touch each other but you see me or others and don’t. I’m afraid you will grow cold or apart.”

She says, “You’re kidding; we don’t want to offend you by showing our affection more openly. I guess we are a bit overboard in worry about how you and others see and think about us.”

I say, “Do you know how unlike you that is? Next thing you are going to tell me you two worry a lot more than I know.”

“Truthfully, no I shouldn’t be the one to tell you.”

I'm now wondering, “Tell me what? You better tell me or I’m running out and running all the way home to ask my Mom what’s going on!”

“Relax, it isn’t anything earth-shattering, it’s just Bridgette worries about being a good Mom.” I look over to a table about five feet away and realize a couple in their forties is listening to parts of our conversation.

“Do you want to come over and have a better seat to overhear our conversation?”

The man is totally embarrassed and while the woman seemed embarrassed but tried to speak. “I... I know you didn’t… mean it but yes, I, we would like to visit with you?”

I look at Cathy, I’m not sure if she’s embarrassed by me or wondering what to say to the woman. Cath speaks, “Why would you be interested in visiting with us?”

The woman says, “We live about four hundred miles from here. Our daughter at Columbia University just told us she is in love and engaged with her roommate. We were caught by surprise and John and I hurt her feelings. We’re sorry and we came to dinner to talk about what we should do. We didn't mean to listen but it speaks so closely to what is going on in our lives.”

Cathy looks at me and then speaks to them, “We’re open to talking with you, but we probably won’t be saying what you want to hear.”

The woman says, “Despite hurting our daughter Cheryl, we both love her and Aubrey very much. We are from a smaller city but we know some lesbian couples that we respect. But when it came this close to home with our daughter…” The dad chokes-up and couldn't speak. We help them move their table next to ours for drinks and to visit.

“I can’t speak for your daughter, but along with being hurt, she probably loves you, very much. If you are sincere and will love Cheryl and Aubrey as they are; I would think there is nothing the four of you can’t work through.”

“This is Ashley and I am in engaged to Bridgette her Mother.”

“Our daughter is in her second year of grad school and we’re sure her love with Aubrey is no passing infatuation. We just weren’t ready to speak and obviously didn’t know the right things to say.”

“One of the things you better quickly figure out is, will you be willing to accept not only them here, but accept them where your family and friends are concerned.”

The man asks, “You mean we can’t just take it one step at a time?”

Cathy spoke again, “This is not like accepting a theoretical idea or a general statement that you love your daughter. Your love for your daughter is tied to who she is. If she were a heterosexual you wouldn’t separate out the idea of you loving your daughter into compartments. It sounds like you know Aubrey and see her as a good person. It sounds like she should meet the criteria for the love of Cheryl’s life.”

“It sounds like her Mom has some worries about your relationship and her daughter. It didn't sound as though everything is so clear-cut and simple as you make it out to be,” John says.

“Bridgette is twenty-eight, and few things faze her, but yes becoming a Mom to Ashley does. Seemingly we have been so careful around Ash that Ashley wonders why she does not see more of our affection for each other.”

The Mom spoke, “So are you saying if we don’t openly show our love and acceptance of Cheryl and Aubrey. They would probably have a tough time being themselves around our home with family and friends.”

John and Sharon call Cheryl while they're at the restaurant. They apologize and agree to meet with Cheryl and Aubrey the next day. Cathy and I wait till 8:30 and go back to our home and meet with Mom for a good hour and a half. It is truly a good time.

Mom says, “I’ve had a good night as well. Thanks for giving me the time and space to meet here.”

I say, “We were afraid you were still working. We thought we heard someone in the lounge.”

“You did, they will be here into the night. My client’s wife wants time with her, but she's sensitive about going to a hotel or being at home with him as another woman.”

I check and remain in the room where Norm stayed. I reflect that I need to make some regular friends. It has been such a long time; I’m not exactly sure how to go about it. Mom comes in and checks on me, “Mom, I want to start making some regular friends, but I am not sure how to go about it?”

“You seem to do well in meeting people. You just need to stay around others of your age more. Show interest in their lives and let them come to know you. You will soon have a group of friends,” Mom says. Usually, we get to grow up with friends, but for you, it hasn't been the same.”

“You know I can do hair and makeup really well. My doing it for a friend here that could be a nice icebreaker for you. But you would need to sit down and visit with them if I do something like that.”

I am tired and need to get to bed; I set out my outfit for tomorrow. It is the next to last day before the Holiday break.
 

 
 
Choir, chorus and the high school orchestra have a school concert at 1:00 p.m. and the Holiday Concert beginning at 6:30 that evening. The weather is good for December which is very important as a group of us have a surprise after the concert.

Mom and Cathy know we have something planned but has not pushed to know more. I’m not sure but officers Tracy Barnes and Rob may have told them despite our asking not to. In the neighborhood around the school, there is a care center a block and a half away. We will stroll as carolers there and sing about seven more songs there.

Ryta has grandparents there and it is her idea. There will be ten girls from the chorus and another dozen or so guys and girls from the street. Since it is after our last concert Mr. Heard shouldn’t mind. It will be on our own, so the school isn’t liable.

Jeff and two other street guys have good voices that will carry the boys singing. The guys will go to Gopher Hall to shower and change into clean clothes. It’s a touchy moment as they do not know Norm is there, nor does Norm know they will be using the facilities.

I have a silver skirt and a red blouse for the school program. Gabe finds me attractive wearing the skirt and I get compliments from other girls. Which I see as a good sign about how I am dressed. When Gabe comes over to talk I become warm inside. I am not sure if he notices, but I know Ryta does. Gabe gives me a corsage for the program as well as tonight’s concert. I ask him to put on the corsage, but even the second time he is all thumbs. Ryta finally puts on the corsage and I am sure Gabe knows she is his competition.

The school program goes well, but it is flawed with interruptions as students are restless for the winter break. Tonight I am wearing a long dress skirt. It is bright green and the blouse is gold and the chorus robes are an attractive red, part of the school colors. I wouldn’t have put them all together but Mom knew what she’s doing.
 
 
Come the closing number we process out of the auditorium. When ten of us continue to walk outside and join the street guys caroling about six other girls and two boys from chorus join us. Officer Tracy Barnes and Officer Rob Woods give us a police escort.

It had turned colder while have been in for the concert. As we begin caroling neighbors come out and most like us caroling. We understood not all would appreciate it; even though we sing a Hanukkah song and others for Kwanza as well songs like “Frosty the Snowman”. Mom for one is not very religious and has mixed feelings about such things. She has her own sense of faith. I am sure it hurts that many so-called religious people judge her, Cathy and others harshly…

---

 
 
To Be Continued...
 

 

We are to sing seven songs at Heritage Manor, but once we are singing there, more residents continue to come out of their rooms to hear us. So we sing even more songs as the residents join in to make a joyful noise as they sing along.

Finally, we're ready to leave when one woman resident pulls me and Ryta into her room. “I hope you won’t mind if I say you are lesbians?” Ryta smiles and I have mixed feelings wondering if she is for real or guessing? “I am sorry if I offend you but even here they don't like me to acknowledge that I am. I hope you will come back sometime so we can visit longer.”

She is in her eighties and she is very sharp in her thinking. She tells us “My name is Melanie Strayer. When I was twelve I realized I like other girls. It was the night I kissed my first girlfriend Margaret. …It was hard to keep a girlfriend then, parents and society made it really difficult. I was beaten by family friends and raped by people I knew. They thought if they made it ugly enough I would stop. Like I had a choice. If I did have a choice, I was not going to be told by them who I was or wasn't.”

Melanie said, “I know I'm imposing but I wonder if either of you would give me a Christmas kiss?” I surprise Ryta as I kiss her first. She stands and I embrace her with a hug and share a kiss. It is not terribly romantic for me, but it feels important to her and I dare say nice to both of us. There is a tingling that surprises me. I thought it might be gross to kiss an old woman like her. I stand at the door as Ryta gives her a hug and a couple of kisses.

We visit for several minutes when Cathy finally finds us and says, “We need to be getting home. …Oh, I see you found someone of a kindred spirit.”

“Do you know her?” I ask.

“Yes, she’s part of the living history you don’t find in textbooks… “Hi Melanie, I am sure you don’t remember me, but you are one of the people I looked up too when I came out.”

Melanie said, “It’s Cathy Stone, right? Someone told me you and Bridgette are finally engaged. What got her to commit?”

“Partly her adopting this girl, Ashley, here and then me proposing again as I was tired of waiting any longer. I proposed again with the ring in hand and she said yes.”

“Ashley, I look up to your new Mom, Cathy. I remember her at a Gay Pride March when she was thirteen. Bridgette is important in her own right, so you are blessed twice. I want you to love Cathy like you love Bridgette. And I think you will do well to establish your own place and make a mark for yourself in the family.”

Cathy speaks up “Ashley lived under the streets of NYC for over four years. I think as you say she will make her own mark.”

“She was a boy then, wasn’t she?"

My eyes pop with surprise, “How did you know,” I ask?

She said, “Patty would be one of the few girls that lived under the street, except for a boy’s pleasure.”

“So you believe Patty was a girl?”

Melanie said, “I know she is a young woman. She was on the streets since she was thirteen. She wanted children so she chose to come off the streets. She sends me a card once a year and she just had her second child.”

Bridgette finally came in to get both Cathy and me, when she recognizes Melanie. “Melanie, I was hoping Ashley would have met you.”

We promise to come back and see Melanie before she lets us leave. Bridgette looks to Cathy and asks, “Would you like to come to stay with us for two nights at Christmas or for New Year’s Eve?”

Melanie decides to come, December 23-26. I guess it is Mom’s way of celebrating Christmas.

We walk to the car giving Ryta a ride home. I did not get to spend time as I wanted with Gabe, but Mom’s rule is making sure you do justice with your visits. I divided my attention with Ryta and Gabe.

On our way to the car, Gabe comes over and asks me, “Ashley would you go to church with me on Christmas Eve?”

“I will talk with my Mom and tell you tomorrow at school, is that okay?”

Cathy looked at me, “I hoped you would go with me, but I understand.” I didn’t realize that Cathy might want to go to church. “Your mother and I share many things in common but not everything like going to church.”

“Gabe and I will be fine if you come to the Candlelight Service with us.”

We first drop off Ryta at her house. Closer to Gabe’s home my phone vibrates and I have a text from Ryta, “When were you going to tell me about being a boy?” I am now anxious as I can’t tell if she is angry or just surprised?

We drop Gabe off at his house and I am too distracted to do much more than say goodbye.

"Mom now another person knows I was a boy. Ryta was there when we admitted that to Melanie. I am not sure what she is thinking. I just got a text and she is upset I hadn’t told her and I am worried.”

Mom says, “Call her now before she gets to sleep.”

I ask my Mom, “I am calling but what do I say?”

Ryta answers, “…Hello Ryta, I am sorry you found out like that. I meant to tell you but I’ve been scared.”

Mom thinks I am talking to her, “That sounds very good Ashley.” Cathy tells her I am talking to Ryta, and they both lightly giggle.

Ryta struggles against emotion but says, “I am upset you didn’t trust me, you should have. So is it a boy who is playing a game with me?” Ryta is hurt and I don’t blame her.

“O no! It is me Ryta.”

Ryta says, “Ashley, I will not be able to sleep until I talk to you. Do you think your mother will let me come and talk with you?”

With a pleading voice I ask, “Mom can we go and pick up Ryta so we can talk; neither of us will sleep until we do?”

I tell Ryta, “My Mom says yes; we will be over in just a minute or two. If you want to bring some school clothes and you can use one of my nightgowns tonight.”

Ryta is struggling for what to say, “I thought, you wanted to get rid of me, but I don’t walk quietly away like that. I don’t know how you can change and become a girl. But I like you and your Mom; I just want you to be honest with me!”

We're in front of her place, “We’re at your house, Mom’s just going to wait till you come out.”

A few minutes passed before Ryta came out the door. “Ms. Riley, was Ashley really a boy? I have trouble believing that?”

Mom asks, “Wait till we are home.”

Once there Ryta quickly asks again, “Has Ashley really been a boy?”

“Ashley was known as Jack. Once, Jack was following me when three boys jumped him and beat him up badly. Jack was the one charged with fighting and destroying property. Authorities asked me if I would take responsibility for Jack; because they knew I have helped people coming off the streets. But I have only worked with girls. So I told them if Jack were a girl I would have been willing to be a foster parent. I didn’t expect Jack to become Ashley.”

“Her Human Service worker was a mean B’ooch, and she wanted Jack to be tried as an adult and go to prison. So the Service worker, a judge advocate and I met with Jack. I shared with Jack as I said; I would only be a foster parent to a girl. I guess, Jack had as a street kid had been in enough trouble that he was labeled “Incorrigible”, and as such, they were open to extreme measures. They told Jack if he stayed a boy he was going to prison as an adult.”

Ryta said, “Just losing his Willy doesn’t make him a girl like Ashley!”

“Correct but through tests and the surgery they found Ashley’s female hormones were already more active than his male hormones. The loss of the testes aided her body to develop more freely as a girl.” I’m cringing next to Mom because I still embarrass easily thinking I was inadequate as a boy and now Ryta knows.

“Look she’s even a girl when you share Jack’s story? Do you think I am being selfish if I just see you only as Ashley?” Ryta comes and pulls me into a hug with my face pushed into her breasts as I stretch to be in her arms. I am happy hearing what she says but slow to respond.

Mom speaks, “It probably will help if Ashley is able to talk sometimes with a friend who also understands why she doesn’t know some things girls learn growing up.”

Ryta pushes me back to arm's length, "Is that why you are as interested in being a girlfriend and having space?” I smile and brighten up this is like something I wish that another girl would know.

“Yes, yes Ryta! I want you so much to be a friend and sometimes you think I am too girly for you. I am not girly for you, I’m girly for me.”

Mom intercedes, “Why don’t you two go get ready for bed and visit together. Ashley, make sure you two come out before you are going to sleep. I want to talk about the concert and caroling at the Heritage Center.”

I’m apprehensive about getting ready for bed with Ryta. I feel shy like I’m undressing before a girlfriend for the first time, even though it is not the first time with her. Ryta didn’t say anything until she gooses me from behind. “Why are you so timid all of a sudden? I’m the one who should worry if she is undressing in front of Jack?” She giggles under her breath then pushes me on the bed, hits me with my pillow and mercilessly tickles me until I begin to wet my panties.

We both take off our makeup and shower and finish moisturizing our skin and get dressed in teddy bear pajamas. Ryta is looking very pretty but other than telling her we are being friends and not being romantic, I kind of wish we would be romancing some tonight.

Ryta reminds me we are to go out and tell Mom and Cathy goodnight.

They are not in the lounge or the kitchen instead we hear them in the dining room and walk-in only to find Mom and Cathy making out with each orally doing the other. Strangely enough, they did not hear us come in. I turn around to hurry out of the room and knock but find Ryta mesmerized until I tug at her arm.

Once out of the room, we knock at the door and Mom says, “Wait a minute and we will be right out.” It took a few minutes. When they came out into the kitchen Mom asks, “How long were you out here?”

“Ms. Riley and Cathy, I’m sorry but we had actually walked into the room and you two were beautiful” Ryta is honest and upfront. “We’re sorry but you asked us to come and say goodnight. We thought you want to talk to us.”

“We do want to talk to you to make sure things are okay between you. I’m sorry and apologize for how you found us.” Mom and Cathy are embarrassed but not angry.

“You shouldn’t be,” Ryta goes on, “I thought you were so beautiful enjoying each other. I often feel guilty or dirty when I do something like that with another girl. You still look beautiful, like you are hot for the other,” Mom and Cathy look at the other and realize their breasts are still aroused. I am not sure if they realize the two of them give off a strong scent.

Cathy goes and hugs Mom from behind and kisses her on the neck. She whispers in Mom’s ear and they invite us to go with them to the lounge and talk.

Mom is sheepishly smiling, “We are more than a little embarrassed, but we don’t want you to have the wrong impression. I am glad Ryta that you saw us as two beautiful lovers. We too have felt as you have guilty or dirty about being a woman loving another woman. But we strongly believe feeling guilty or dirty is something wrongly learned from society and not healthy. We’re glad you spoke as you did.”

Ryta speaks again, “Hope you don’t mind, but how do you know to do as you were doing? I’d love it but I think I’d be afraid of freaking a girl out.” Mom and Cathy giggle but not at Ryta, seemingly they have been there and done that.

“Hopefully it’s a young woman one knows enough to talk to or to give a kiss and warm hug,” Cathy says. “Often you can sense if the one you like is tensing up or getting warm and passionate. Bridgette gets nice and warm as well as aroused with her breasts.”

Mom speaks, “A giveaway might be if the other goes and washes up and uses mouthwash or comes back sporting two glasses of wine. It’s often a sign that we want to really make out. We try not to turn down one another, but we respect the other if one needs to back off for another time.”

Cathy shares, “For me being intimate is for a special person, but there were times it just meant being horny and wanting sex. I’ve had two serious girlfriends before Bridgette; having someone I’m serious about and making out romantically makes a great difference for me.”

Mom brought Cathy’s hand to the inside of her leg and turned to Cathy and nibbled on her ear as she gave her a kiss, “It makes a great difference to ‘us’.”

“Wow, that’s neat,” Ryta’s enthralled. “I could go for that.” She quietly moves to slip behind me putting her legs around me having me lean back. She is now nibbling on my neck.

Mom changes the subject, “So who decided to go caroling and not tell their parents?”

“My Mom was working tonight so I just told her it is part of the evening. She asked me to say hello to Grandma which I did.”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t let me go, so I just did it and hoped the holiday spirit would take over,” I say.

“Well young lady, I was impressed with what you did and that precautions were taken. Since the guys made use of the Hall to get ready, I knew what was going on. It doesn’t change the fact you are going to pay dearly for being so inconsiderate. I want your phone and your computer. You will be grounded until Christmas Day. So after Ryta goes to school you won’t be seeing your friends.”

“That is four days Mom, you can’t be serious.”

“Unfortunately or fortunately for you I am serious!” I look to Cathy for help or sympathy, but I only see her whispering, “I told you so.”

“I will tell you it was a great idea and all of you did a great thing. I think you both have very nice voices.”

I mumble in disgust, and I am about to say something I would regret, but Cathy beats me, “I would think twice before you say anything young woman. It is you who causes most of your problems.” She’s right of course.

I want to storm off to my room but Ryta won’t let go. She whispers, “Stay and hear their compliments.” There are minutes of silence as everyone is letting me calm down.

I asked, “Did you know I gave Melanie a Christmas kiss? I thought it would be gross kissing an old lady.”

“No we didn’t know, but I guess it was an affectionate kiss. So you are surprised she tickled your fancy?” Mom continued, “There are women like that.”

“How did you get Teresa and Rob to give you a police escort,” Cathy asks?

“I called Teresa and told her what we were planning to do. She didn’t know if we could do it; that we might need a permit and pay for the escort. And I said ‘It’s okay that Jeff and his group could keep us safe.’ The next day she calls me back and says, she and Officer Rob would escort us.”

“She wanted to call you so I asked if that would go against my confidentiality. Even though I did tell her I had your permission.”

“Officer Rob called me and we reimbursed the police department for three officers for two hours each young lady.”

Ryta and I went to bed but it took a long time before we could get to sleep. We didn’t fully make-out but we did give in to temptation. It is a great closing to a great day, apart from getting into trouble.

Story to be continued…

Please indicate if you like the story and leave a comment or/and write to the author. I greatly appreciate and find comments a big help to me.

 

---

Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

---

 
 
Chapter 14
 
Reality set in, during the morning when I was up and dressed early and after Ryta has left, Mom reminds me, “Ashley your Phoenix won’t be flying freely out of the house until you, Gabe, and Cathy go to the Candlelight Service." I waste the next half hour apologizing, making promises or deals to get my grounding lifted. I’m settling down geared to do things at the house.

Two weeks ago we lit up the front of our home with a three-story white candle with the attic window for a yellow/pink flame. This morning I ask, “Cathy and Mom would it be okay if I use color lights to represent the wax dripping a rainbow of colors?” Mom looks at me; expecting me to link it to my grounding. However, she is met with silence.

“Do you remember what the candle stands for Ashley?” Mom asks.

“Sure Mom, it represents our desire for peace as well as to indicate this is a Peace House and has served as such since the Underground Railroad for people seeking refuge from slavery.” Mom and Cathy both smile Cathy asking, “What purpose does the color wax represent?”

“I was thinking after you told me about ‘Men wearing pink ribbons kind of says they don’t see Breast Cancer only as a women’s issue.’ The issues of peace, slavery, and oppression are all our issues. If it is okay for prejudiced people to be outspoken; I just want to show what I found here.”

Our home has two ground apartments that are like two-thirds below the ground and about a third above. The back apartment is used for two homeless people to transition to independence. There still is a hidden compartment between these two apartments. Ms. Stephens has lived in the front apartment since before Mom owned the building. Her granddaughter Claudia has since moved in with her. Claudia’s Dad, a recovering drug addict, has had problems with the law since Claudia’s Mom died two years ago. Claudia is seven and does not know that come Christmas, he will be allowed to move in with them.

I go down to their apartment with a present for Claudia. Then and there, I realize this is my first Christmas since I was seven years old. Claudia takes me to see her room and asks me to play. “I am sorry but I don’t think I can; I’ve been grounded for doing something without permission.”

Ms. Stephens calls, “Bridgette, Claudia asked Ashley to play with her for a while and Ashley says she is grounded. I wonder if you could do Claudia and me a favor and allow Ashley to stay at least an hour or so?” “…Yes, she can, I will be happy to agree.”

“Ashley your mother says it would be okay for you to play with Claudia and then eat lunch with us. But she wants you to help us after lunch by ironing some clothes. If that is okay with you?”

“Ms. Stephens,” I begin to cry, “I don’t know how to play as a little girl.” She hugs me. Claudia asks, “Are you crying because you are being punished?”

Ms. Stephens asks, “Ashley, please call me Aunt Beth. Now, what are you crying about?”

“I… I am not that much …older than Claudia; could I call you... Grandma Beth’?”

She smiles and says, “I would be honored if you did child?” “Claudia would you please take her to your play area and give her a doll that she can play with while you two are playing together.”

Claudia grins, “I have two pretty baby dolls, would it be okay if we play dollies?” She gives me a dark hair dolly she calls Mary Jo. She takes two bottles to fill so we can use them with our babies. I lose track of time playing with Claudia.

I have lunch with the Stephens and Grandma has ten pieces of clothes for me to iron. Grandma Stephens shows me how to iron Claudia’s pleated skirts as well as a dress that can only be lightly ironed. Finally, I am done and ready to go upstairs.

Mom has put out strings of color lights while I was down with the Stephens. Now we get to string them in the windows on the second and third floor; Mom says “They need to wait until Midnight when the Prince of Peace is in the world.”

I say, “Mom, I thought you did not believe in him.”

“I like the news of a man standing for Peace, the Prince of Peace.” She whispers, “I love my daughter being a peace child as well.”

The lights are up and lit just to make sure they still work. But the candle lights stay on so it greets Cathy bringing Melanie home. Mom greets Melanie with a warm Tom and Jerri made with eggnog and spirits. Melanie laughs, “The bar is rarely open at the Assisted Living Center.” 

  
Melanie gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Look how powerful your Christmas gift has become.” It warms my heart. “Cathy says this is the first time you celebrated Christmas as a girl and with them?” She pulls me into an overstuffed chair with her. I am almost as big as she is, but it feels good to have her arms around me.

I ask her about Cathy and we visit about Cathy and things that happened to them when they first marched for gay/lesbian rights. I expect war stories but she focuses on men and women with tears as they came out of hiding or parents and friends reuniting and asking to be forgiven. It is very moving.

“Girl, I don’t think you are liberated yet, you are still thinking too like a much a boy of the empire.”

I asked, “Melanie, what do you mean?”

She said, “You could be just a stubborn teenager, but, you are trying to do things without your mothers knowing, despite them usually going out of their way to be helpful. That sounds like a guy being macho independent. While you’re growing more sensitive and as a strong young woman, the boy inside still tries to make stinkin’ decisions.”

She stops speaking and I am growing uncomfortable with the silence. I see Mom behind me, “Mom, tell me, is she right?”

“Honey, the silence is okay. Melanie is like a spiritual mother, a Shaman.” Mom comes around and pulls me to the floor. I lean back against her, her arms are around me and we become quiet. Looking up to Melanie as she's a spiritual person I’m looking to her with respect. Mom is on my level yet I am hearing her as a voice and I'm getting goosebumps.

Cathy comes into the room and sits like a young girl leaning next to Melanie. It is like as Melanie says things, there is this peacefulness. I pull my mother’s arms around me. Cathy and Melanie are soon down and I am in the middle.

Cathy asks about what is going on. “Ashley” is all Melanie says. There are many minutes of long silence before Melanie asks, “Ashley lean back and close your eyes; you are safe with us.” I lean further back, Melanie is on one side of me and Cathy is on the other. “Relax, relax your whole body. Breathe slowly, let your mind relax...” She continues to speak but it is a prayerful whisper and her hands move gently over me.

“Child you are safe, not just because we are here. Ashley, do you sense your feelings? You are very compassionate. Think of a time your compassion warms your soul?” She pauses, “There is a pleasant smile on your face; it must be a good time, continue to hold it in your heart. …Remember your bed for four years where you read, traveled in dreams, and learned what you could. Patty remembers you and she is happy you are in school again. You have a joy for learning, she understands your hunger. …Ashley, you are safe and won’t be hurt. But you were attacked and you were hurt, but you’re healing, you have an inner strength. That boy attacked you again but you did not run and you did not fall. You combined your strength and wisdom, who was it who fell, not you? But you are only a girl. “No”.

“Cathy told me you sought out Bridgette time and again. Think what did you see in her? Think what did you seek in her? Name them and hold them in your heart.” Time continues to pass, “Ashley do you want to be you? Does Bridgette need to apologize for birthing you, daughter? You are a young woman with many of your mothers’ qualities, are you ready to claim your new birth?” I can feel a hand behind my back; two hands touch my head. Their hands are warm upon me. I know it is my two Moms. "Ashley Phoenix Riley, you are a girl wonderfully and beautifully formed: body, soul, heart, and mind. Awake Ashley and claim your birthright daughter.”

I want to keep my eyes closed and to remain there always. I hear my voice but it is speaking to my soul. As I open my eyes it is like I come up from the surface of the water. Melanie is asking for help to stand as she curses her age and her legs going to sleep. I look outside, and it is night. I look at the clock and it is late. “How come you didn’t wake me for dinner?”

Mom says, “There is more to feed your life than food.”

“Then I was not dreaming,” I turn and hug Melanie? I turn to Mom, “I am so much like you Mom.” I wrap her in kisses and a big hug. Finally, I turn to Cathy and I am ready to cry, “You wouldn’t let me give up on me.” I cry but I do not bury my head, “I thank you.”

It is after 10:00 when we are having soup, cheese, and bread for a late supper. When I wash for dinner there is the anointing of my forehead that I leave until I shower. My Moms have what Mom calls an extra-large queen bed. They have showered and are warming the bed. They say I should take a warm shower and sleep with them. With a simple cotton nightdress, I snuggle between them. We snuggle together and I feel so good in their arms though I know it won’t last long.

They are very warm and I can feel them, as I am drifting away. Mom kisses my forehead, “Goodnight sweetie.” Cathy is behind me and I think it is her hand warmly upon my hip, “Goodnight Ashley.”
“Goodnight Mommy.”

It is morning when I awake wrapped in Mom’s arms and legs. Cathy is coming back to bed saying the coffee is brewing. I don’t want to get up. I'm afraid this is a special time that might not come again.  

  
It is now the morning of Christmas Eve. I go to my room, there is a new dress there hanging in front of my closet. It is a pretty pink and gray dress with the skirt overlapping in front. I decide to shower before trying it on. The shower is quick as I am excited about trying on my new dress. It is a heavy fabric and fits like it is tailored for me.

Though made for winter it moves nicely and I am tickled as I go to show it off. Adding to my joy is my sisters calling us as the keyboard has just been delivered there. I assure my mom there, we won’t inundate them with gifts. “Mom, it needed to be given this year so Sis can develop her gift.” We talk but not for long as both households have much to do and we will see them in five days.

Mom and Melanie are now looking at me with stern faces. I say, “Mom, I know this might be a bit girly for you but I love it.” They smile, “Good for you, speak up and claim your identity.”

Cathy hugs me, “It is okay, us softies will enjoy ourselves tonight.” If Bridgette will give us an hour; I saw a beautiful winter coat that could go with your dress.” I ask Mom and she says, “I already told Cathy yes. I agree the coat looks like it was made for you.”

“Mom, this dress feels like it was made for me but I don’t know how?” Mom would only smile. “If you see some things for Grandma Stephens and Claudia you and Cathy can use good discretion and buy.”

“Can I buy Claudia a gift card, so I can take her shopping during the holiday break?”

Cathy says, "That is a very good idea but we need to get her something she can open and enjoy having tomorrow as well.”

Not only is this my first Christmas to receive; it is also my first to give. There are friends at the Star Academy, Norm around the corner at Gopher Hall for guys coming off the streets, Jeff still under the streets. Yuck, there are too many, for three weeks I have felt overwhelmed. Going out to get a coat and things for Claudia brings feelings flooding back. We’re in the store going up to the second floor where Cathy says the coat is. Cathy starts to hug me, “Ashley are you okay?”

I am on the third step and having trouble moving; I thought I had climbed many more. Another woman stops with us, suggesting I sit for a moment. She must be a medical person as I know she is taking my pulse. “Young lady, are you a diabetic? Have you eaten breakfast this morning?” She looks to Cathy as I say, “No, I wasn’t hungry.”

The woman asks, “Would it be okay if I get some juice and something simple to eat?” Cathy shakes her head yes, but asks, “Do you think that will be enough?”

She introduces herself, “My name is Brit; I hope it will indicate if it might be as simple as an excited girl who hasn’t taken care of herself or something more…” her voice fades as she moves to go get something for me to eat.

“I am sorry Mom. I am really, really sorry. I didn’t mean to be a problem.” Cathy is trying to smile, there are tears in her eyes. “Don’t worry Ashley there is nothing to be sorry about.”

“Mom, but Mommy will be upset.”

Someone standing near is puzzled, “How many mothers does she have?”

I quickly respond, “Three.” Cathy smiles and affirms, “Yes, there are two of us plus her biological mother near Boston.”

Brit comes back with a bottle of orange juice and a scone. “Young lady, I want you to eat and drink but not too fast." The store manager asks if I am alright and can I move in one quick statement. Brit and Cathy both tell him to back off. I must be looking better because Britt and Cathy are both smiling more.

Brittany, “I think you should get her some breakfast before anything else. Young lady, is there something you are so excited about?”

I smile, “It is my first Christmas.”

Cathy says, “If you have time I would feel more comfortable if you go with us.” She smiles at me and Cathy as she shakes her head. “Brittany, she is Ashley and I am Cathy one of her moms.”

Conversation stops until we are seated in a restaurant nearby. Looking at Cathy, “You’re either older than you look or she is a lot younger.” Cathy and I are both giggling. “Bridgette and I are getting married and Ashley was recently adopted by her Mom.”

The waiter takes our order as we are visiting. I have both water and hot tea and some fruit served quickly. Brittany makes me nervous when she asks, “Are you nervous about your Mom and Cathy getting married?”

“No, I am excited; I was living under the streets and they have taken me in and love me, very much.”

Brit apologizes, "I wasn’t inferring otherwise. It is just if you were my daughter I would want someone to make sure you are okay... You’re not that ‘street girl’ on the news this summer?”

I tell her, “Yes, I helped with working on some schools needing work and the news guy talked to me.”

“Wow, I’m helping a very special young woman aren’t I?” I am now comfortable that Brit is a friend and I give her a big hug. Brit is a nurse and paramedic. She works in an emergency room and sometimes flies in life-flights.  

  
We all return to the store Cathy and I are shopping for the coat and Brittany had to do some last-minute shopping for her children. She checks out my coat with us. It is a pretty coat, a classic style with fluffy trim around the collar and the bottom of the coat. It is silver-gray with a three-inch pink stripe down the front to accentuate it. We buy the coat and get a gift certificate for Claudia and another for Brittany. I found a sweater for Grandma Stephens.

Brittany has already gone off-on-her-own but we don’t have trouble finding her. She protests our kindness but doesn’t change our minds. We find a few things for Claudia but the working toy oven presents a small problem in getting home. We don’t like using taxis that much but this is a good exception.

Cathy already called Mom’s favorite taxi driver so we’re outside the store waiting for him. Cathy will give him a tip that is more like a holiday bonus. Jerry is very happy to see me saying I have changed a lot. The last time I saw him was coming home from a doctor’s appointment in mid-November.

I tell him about seeing my mother and sisters, school, and singing and he is interested in everything I say. When I say how nice he is Cathy jokes, “He is like the Santa Clause of taxi drivers.

I have to model my coat for Mom. But Mom is more than a tad concerned when she hears about the incident at the store and the need to eat breakfast. Mom’s treating me like a little girl. I now have to take a nap if I am going to the Christmas Eve Service. I don’t intend to do more than rest a few minutes but I fall asleep for a good hour and a half. 

  
Melanie visits alone with me. She says, “I am not a very churchy person so I might be restless if I go with you. I’m wondering if that would be a problem with you.”

“I saw you brought a nice dress, so I was hoping you would go with us. I wasn’t sure if you had other plans. Your dress was folded; I wonder if we could use Mom’s steamer, would you mind?” I’m working on her dress for a good twenty minutes while we continue to talk. I feel a sense of joy as I return her dress looking so much prettier.

Melanie stands and gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I gave her another kiss this is on the lips. Everyone is dressed for church as Gabe arrives.

Finally, Mom sends me to wrap the last of my gifts as she takes Melanie to the kitchen to visit there with her and Cathy. I finally end up out there as I still need help to wrap gifts. Gabe tries to help me and I appreciate his effort. My biggest problems are making clean folds and corners and tying the ribbon tight. It starts tight, but it takes three times to keep it that way. Mom hugs me as she compliments how I curl ribbons and make cute notes and name tags.

Come seven o’clock Mom asks me to get dressed for church, “We’re going to take Melanie out to see the holiday lights just after nine and I want you ready for the candlelight service beforehand.”

Mom gives me a mock turtleneck to go under my dress. It is red satin and looks beautiful with the dress. I make my way to the lounge and Gabe embraces me from behind and delights in having his arms around me. His arms feel warm around me and while he is in good shape and strong there is gentleness there. I turn around in his arms and kiss him. His lips are parting as I pull back. “Tis, tis, don’t get started already," I whisper.

“It’s just an early Christmas present,” Gabe says.

Jerry our driver from earlier in the day is back to take us looking at Christmas lights. He has brought an extended cab so we will all fit. The stores are closed but most of the Christmas windows are beautiful and still lit. Sitting across from Melanie I am not sure who is enjoying more the color and beauty of seeing all the lights.

Jerry knows several special light displays. Most apartment buildings have their lights but Jerry knew of an animated light display of five apartment buildings they did their lights as one light display. Three apartment buildings formed a light display of Santa sliding down the side of the buildings crashing into three Wise Men traveling on camels. It is kind of funny, Melanie thinks it correlates to the holy and what she calls the secular world colliding together in the same event.

Finally, Jerry drops us off at this large church on the lower west side. We are let out with Jerry showing us where he plans to meet us shortly after Midnight. Melanie says, “This church is a relatively good church relating to peace and feminism but like most of the institutions they dragged their feet too slowly for the movement and often did not go far out on the limb for anything risky.

“Woe, it is huge inside; Mom how many do you think it can hold?”

Cathy says, “Hey Ash, are you calling me Mom? …I heard it can hold at least 8,000 people.” Tonight there is a long, wide center aisle. As the service begins there is a noise from the back and several shepherds are walking in two carrying sheep. One is a young woman carrying one of the sheep. There’s a couple they are walking to with a donkey. The Scriptures are read. Though they are in English, it has words I don’t quite understand and I don’t know much of the story.”

Gabe tries to tell me, but I don’t fully understand. I am distracted because his whispering tickles my ears. Then it hits me that it is about the baby with his mother Mary I use to see in some of the displays around this time of the year. Cathy has tears because I didn’t quite understand. She explains, “The baby Jesus is a special baby.”

“I thought every baby is special?”

Cathy gives me a hug, “Yes, but he’s special to many, many people... I thought everyone knew but I will try to explain better when we get home.”

I understand song stories so I get more of the story from the songs as the service moves along. Somehow because of the baby, people think more of other people. I guess that is why some people are kinder to street people this time of year. I remember as Jack I would store up oranges and apples this time of the year. I’d eat things like the cookies people gave me or keep them in my pockets.

By the end when we lit candles and sing a song, I have tears in my eyes, partly sad and partly glad. I think I am safe but I am afraid for some reason. Gabe hugs me, but I feel even safer with Cathy. “Come to Grandma Sweetie,” Melanie’s arms are open and when I get in them she tells me, “It is okay to cry.” She walks me up to the people playing in the story and we sit on the floor in front of them and soon others are leaving.

Mary brings the baby who is now in her arms over to me. She tells me “You are okay, I am so pleased you came to see us.”

“But I don’t understand all of the stories?” I tell her.

“That is okay,” she says, “When it happened neither did the shepherds or the wise people completely. I don’t think Mary or Joseph understood everything either.” The woman made a good Mary to my way of thinking. 

  
It is neat when Jerry drives us home, and our large candle is lit and the color lights are like the wax dripping down the candle. It’s taking my breath away and again I have tears coming down my face and I am very happy.

Cathy and Melanie are telling Mom she has a very beautiful daughter that she can be proud of. I want to apologize to Mom for crying and messing up my appearance and embarrassing the others. I feel warm inside because Mom and Mom Cathy aren’t like my dad was or many people I have come to know.

It is late when I get to bed, I feel warm snuggled in the bed. Mom and Cathy come to say goodnight. Mom asks, “Why are you smiling so much?”

“This is my first real Christmas again and my bed is warm and I am in the best-est home I could wish for.” They both give me a goodnight kiss as Mom lies down next to me for a while. I’m happy because she got under the covers which means she will be here at least until I fall asleep.

When I wake up in the morning there is a stuffed kitten where Mom was. She has a pretty bow around her and I quickly tell her I’m calling her Angel. I get up and run to Mom and Cathy’s room but their bed is empty. I run to the living room and find Mom and Cathy. Cathy says we will wait for Melanie before we open gifts.

---

 
 
To Be Continued...
 

 

 

---

Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

---

 
 
Chapter 15
 
It is Christmas morning, Mom Bridgette, Momsi Cathy and I already awake and are visiting, I become antsier as time passes. We are waiting for Melanie to wake up and be with us. Melanie is now like a Grandma that I feel to choose.

Melanie finally comes into the living room and Mom goes to the kitchen to get some tea and coffee, announcing, “We will open gifts soon after I come back.” I’m the only one bouncing and clapping like a child. Cathy greets Melanie with a kiss and hug.

Thinking back to meeting Melanie, I get up and give her a hug and then a nice kiss. “My darling, are you always going to kiss your Grandmother with a kiss like that?” I decide not to answer and sit down with a smug smile. The first time I met her she wanted a kiss from another woman. I guess I kind of overdid it being a normal granddaughter to her.

Cathy makes a small stack of four gifts. She sits back down and another minute or two passes before Bridgette enters with the coffee, hot water for tea, and some juice. Mom asks Melanie, “What would you like tea or coffee?”

“No offense, but I would like to serve myself. It annoys me; people serve me like I lost my ability to do anything.” Mom apologizes; Melanie says, “Bridgette don’t worry your pretty panties into a knot. I just need to release a little vinegar and encourage you to relax.” Everyone smiles and serves themselves.

“Ash,” Mom says, “take a good look at the small pile of gifts that’s a normal Christmas. This being your first Christmas, we’ll spoil you a little.” Just getting through my Christmas stocking excites me enough. I’m getting tingling feelings and all giggly inside. There are other feelings, I guess it’s a girl thing. At the very top of the larger pile is a small heart-shaped box. Mom and Momsi, both wrapped it; so when I take one off the top layer and it is still wrapped. “Oouu, you two frustrate me.”

Cathy giggles, “You don’t have to open it.” Right, I am already through the second wrapping. I open the gift and there is a silver locket on a delicate double chain. It helps to have nice long fingernails as it opens to a picture of me and another of Bridgette and Cathy. My eyes tear and I get up to run to my room, but Mom anticipates and holds me here with a hug. “If we let you run each time, we won’t have the time to eat or spend with each other.”

“Thanks, Mom and Momsi, it is the bestest.” It’s nice as Mom and Momsi aren’t wearing bras and they are just nicely warm and soft each time they hug me. I gently touch one of mom’s breasts and she smiles, “Yes you’re warm and soft too.” It is spooky how Mom knows my thoughts and feelings.

I get Mom’s gift hidden in a branch of the Christmas tree. I stand there in front of her as she opens it to find the cameo. Cathy tells her, “She found it on her own Bridgette; she even had brought the money to buy it.” Mom stands and gives me a hug, telling me how wonderful it is. I just love seeing Mom move her hair to put a necklace on.

I truly get spoiled with oodles of cami tops, sweaters, and blouses, skirts, jeans, and two dresses, while my shoes are mostly from gift certificates. Among the gifts are two dolls, one is dressed in a flowing gown. I imagine that it could be a baby’s baptismal gown. I look to Mom’s tummy, I’m wondering if this time next year if I will soon be having a sister or brother. Today, Jenny is my baby to play with, I hug her and twirl to swing her around and let her know I am so happy to have her. The other is a fashion doll and she has a wardrobe of clothes that I'll enjoy dressing her in. 

  
Hours have passed and even I’m done opening gifts. There’s a knock on the door from Stephen’s Apartment below us and the doorbell rings immediately after it. I let Mom or Cathy let up the Stephens as I go to find out who else is coming to the front door. The people are into the inside door so it’s someone we know. It’s Julio and his family; “Merry Christmas Julio and everyone!”

“Ashley, this is my wife Marcella and my daughter Marietta, she’s called Ettie at school and our son Keifer.” Marcella pats her baby bump “I think this is Francesca.”

“Welcome and let me take your coats, please. Julio, does Cathy know all your family?” Marcella has rice and black bean dish as well as seasoned chicken and warm flour shells that I help take as I lead them in to meet the others.

Grandma Stephens, Claudia, and Claudia’s father Gary Stephens are already in the kitchen. Grandma has mash potatoes, turkey gravy, broccoli, and homemade bread. “Mmm…mm!” I can now smell the turkey. I see cranberry relish as well as a relish tray I helped Cathy make. By the amount of food, I anticipate there are still others coming. I take Claudia and Ettie to my room; Keifer is invited but he chose to stay with the grown-ups instead of coming with ‘girls’. Claudia and Ettie are close to the same age and quickly find my stuffed animals and my dolls. They are quickly playing together.

I let them play as I put up my new posters: one with a larger fairy sitting on a flower blossom and several others flying off in the distance. I have another poster of a hunk flexing with some weights and then two teen girls sunning in the mist of a city fountain.
 

  
I hear the doorbell to the back door of our apartment and set off on a run to answer. “Oh, it’s Jackson and Tyler his girlfriend.” They’re staying in the small apartment off the alley. They came Saturday and I’ve seen them come and go but have not met them. They’ve been on the streets; time in the apartment should give them time to decide about their life together.

Ty has a large cream pie that she presents for the meal. Jackson is very comfortable. Ty is not only shy but I can tell she’s uncomfortable.

Of the two, it is easier to tell Ty is off the streets. She is self-conscious about her clothes and the way they hung on her. Her look is that of someone poorly kept. I introduce myself and then take them to the lounge. Mom hands Ty two gifts and another two to Jackson. I encourage Ty, to follow me. We go to Norm’s old room. Ty opens the first gift to find a camisole and another blouse to wear with it or alone. She tears and I give her a knowing hug. The second gift has a long rose color skirt with a pair of tights and a pair of pantyhose. Ty’s moved, and I know she wishes she could change into them.

“Ty, there is a bathroom with a shower across the hall, would you like to use it and to change into your new clothes?” She smiles and I say, “If you would leave the door unlatched, so I can put a comb and brush in there for you to have.” She doesn’t say it but I know the fear of not being able to do things as one would like. “And if you want after you’re done I could help with your hair and some make-up.”

Ty asks, "Do you think we have time? I can’t do it quickly like a…” She pauses scared to say more. I respond, “You are a real girl. And yes we will take the time.” She gives me a big hug, “One of my robes should be in the closet. If you want to change in this room that would help you to cross the hallway discretely.” I am feeling for Ty so much; I feel in sync with what she is going through. It seems like my own change was a year or lifetime ago. I know we’re like snowflakes; she has her own feelings and thoughts. I wonder about her story and how she has gotten here.

I go rummaging in my room through my things to find a new brush, a new comb with a pointed handle, as well as a spray for tangled hair. I pick up an extra deodorant that is new, hair barrettes, etc. I also find a new pair of light yellow panties. I enjoy being there for another girl like me. I send Claudia and Ettie to tell Bridgette and Cathy, “I’m helping Ty and we will need some forty minutes. Will that be okay?”

They are very happy to get my message; I expect that at least Claudia will return. I put some of the things into the bathroom. Then I go back to Norm’s room and assess Ty’s things as best I can without going through her stuff. Her purse is one thing I would like to change if I were her. We have purses Cathy and Bridgette have offered me; two of which I think Ty might like.

Mom returns instead of Claudia, “Ash, I appreciate you helping her. …Jackson is voicing a little concern that he doesn’t want you changing her.”

I say, “Did you share she’s a young woman, hopefully with a mind of her own? Mom! I’m not doing anything more than to help her feel more comfortable. If she doesn’t want it that is okay with me, but I think it is her choice.”

Mom says, “Relax young lady, I know you and I’m not worried about Jackson. I do think he truly likes Ty.”

Ty opens the bathroom door and calls me, “Ashley, would you mind helping me? I’m having problems with my hair.” I come to the door as she sees Mom and me, she smiles.

“Would you mind if Mom and I both help you?” She opens the door and we squeeze in and have her sit on the toilet. One good thing is she will have to trust us as she can’t see herself in the mirror from there. Mom takes the lead in drying and getting the snags out of her hair. Mom has a way of talking to Ty, “Ty you have very beautiful hair and I thank you for using the right conditioner. That will be a big help.”

I am squatting in front of Ty and I’ve already looked around the room, “I’m glad you have the pair of panties on and your bra? What would you like us to help with?” She shyly smiles and shakes her head. Returning the smile, I ask, “You have a very nice feminine look. I’m jealous that is all you on top?”

She says, “I like nice clothes and makeup but it’s like I don’t get either on quite right. Do you know what I mean?” Mom’s confidence and warm glow relax Ty into gaining her confidence in us. I say “You have done quite well and the street really doesn’t lend itself in putting our best foot forward."

Ty looks at me, “Do you have some friends who were on the street? You speak like you know someone who’s been there.”

I say, “Four years before Mom adopted me I was actually under the streets. We considered ourselves ‘Street Rats’.”

“Four years, I wouldn’t have lasted that long.” I ran off three years ago but just came to the Big Apple late in the spring. I thought things would be better in the big city. If it weren’t for Jackson, I’d been pimp bait, dead or… I almost gave up my girl dreams to go back home.” All the while I cleanse and moisturize her face and begin with a foundation. Mom has combed out and is now shaping her hair. Mom is right she is pretty and her hair is very nice.

“Hey we can share stories another time,” Mom says. “Let’s get you across the hall and dressed and made up. Ty would you mind if I check your bra, I think it might help to change the straps some.” Back in the room, Ty removes her robe and while I didn’t know about her boy parts, her breasts are those of a cute girl and modest in size.

Mom adjusts the straps and hands, Ty, the camisole and slows her down in putting it on. “Try not to stretch it dear, just bring it gently down straight over you.” Again she’s smiling as she feels the difference. “You don’t have to use a half-slip, but I think it might feel better,” Mom suggests. I have the skirt opened up, with tags and labels from the store all off. I hold it down as she steps into it while holding my shoulder for balance. Ty takes hold of the skirt with me and I see her enjoyment as it glides up her legs. I notice she has shaved her legs.

There’s a belt that loosely goes around her waist. She knows not to tighten it as a boy might. She lets the skirt rest on the hips. She’s putting on the blouse and looks to button it up. “Mrs. Riley, would it be okay if I left the blouse open?” It could go either way, especially while she’s in the house; keeping it open looks a little more attractive to me.

“Hey Ty, do you have another girl's name that you like?”

She says, “I’ve always liked Megan, but Ty works better I think on the street.”

“But you’re not on the street and today’s Christmas.”

She glows, “Well then would you please call me Megan, Megan Grace.”

Mom says, “Megan, the name becomes you.”
 

  
The house phone rings and Cathy calls Bridgette to pick up the phone in her room. She picks up the portable near us. “Hello. …Yes, Cheryl, I remember your Mom and Dad. I don’t like being called on Christmas nor do I usually work much this coming week… Yes, usually means I understand and will make an exception. I’m willing to see the two of you on the 27th, and the 30th, if needed… No, the two of you can change your schedule if it is important… I gave you my address, you have my phone number. Call if you can’t find me. I look forward to seeing you.”

Mom’s more than a little miffed, “If it wasn’t something I would wish for me; I wouldn’t be doing this.”
 

  
Mom turns her attention to Megan and me. “Well Megan, I hope you are ready; I look forward to introducing you. But wait a minute,” mom goes and comes back with earrings still on their card and shows them to Megan. Megan takes them off the card and puts them in her ears.

Megan doesn’t say it but she’s nervous as we walk into the living room. Megan smiles as she’s introduced and others greet her warmly. I am sure Gary Stephens only sees a young woman. Turning to Jackson, Megan shyly steps back and his face holds a mixed message. “Ty, you looked pretty enough but I like you as you were.”

She looks at Mom and then me, “I would like you to be happy for me.” She goes to him and gives him a kiss on the cheek and a small hug. She bumps him with her hips and he begins to soften. Cathy calls us to come to the dining room.
 

  
I didn’t know the dining table had two more sections, but it extends the table so everyone can sit around it. Gary asks if Cathy would like him to carve the turkey. “I’ve already asked Bridg’ to do it as the other head of the house.” Mom smiles at Cathy and gives her a kiss. I’m happy they claim their place and are openly affectionate. The turkey gives off a nice aroma that blends as a bouquet with all the other dishes.

Everyone takes their time eating as they find a lot that they enjoy. Marcella comments, as the meal is winding down, “This is a most unusual dinner table; I enjoy the atmosphere around the table. There is no rush to flop down and watch television.” Julio leans over to give her a kiss.

“Please let me help with the dishes,” she asks?

I say, “You can help clear the table, but Mom prefers if Julio and I will help do the dishes along with others who did not prepare the food dishes if they are willing.”
 

  
Gary makes a remark to which Julio retorts, “I’m an Army Ranger, and I have no trouble doing the dishes.” Gary sits back down not knowing what to say.

Julio speaks up to share, “I was well on the road to losing my family when Bridgette stepped in to help me.” Gary stared at Julio, he wouldn’t ask but he still had questions. Julio says, “If it is alright I would like to share. This isn’t easy but today is a good day to talk about grace.”

“I’ve been in the war as well as gangs; I am no weaker than I was. My wife reached out to Bridgette who saw scars that don’t show and my macho mask and helped me to peel it away. Even now, I have nightmares, but not as many and I have other buddies besides Bridgette who can be there for me. I could out drink any of you and still could. But there is a gutter I crawled out of each time; I don’t like being there.” Ettie comes over to her father and takes one of her hair clips and combs his hair wither fingers and clips in his hair. Julio kissed his daughter and give thanks to her.

“I apologize, Ash, that your Mom missed your concert on family night. I don’t know when an episode might hit and none of the guys answered Marcella’s call. Marcella took our children to be safe and Bridgette was there for me.”

“You mean that pretty lady can handle a Ranger out of control,” Jackson asks in puzzlement.

“She could if she needed to…” Julio says as Bridgette interrupts. “…Meeting force with force is not my first option; Julio has a powerful spirit that is tender, loving, and reachable; it’s now stronger than her/his ugly side.” I’m sure Mom didn’t intend the ‘her’.

Mom walks behind Gary, taking off her necklace as she goes. She begins to place her necklace around Gary’s neck but doesn’t clasp it. Instead, she puts the necklace on the table and massages his neck and shoulders. Mom could have embarrassed him but it is not her style. Gary looked at the necklace, I’m sure he’s tempted to put it on but doesn’t.

Julio tells of one battle that they kinda won but not everyone lived through it or others who were no longer whole. He didn’t finish the story. “Most of us won’t tell this much and especially to those who have not been there. You’re the first group for me to share without other warriors who have been there.” Most of us did not have dry eyes as he told the story. I felt a chill when he said he didn't ever tell the story with the likes of us.
 

 
 
We were clearing the table, and I overhear Gary talk to Mom. Gary says, “I’ve been in Iraq and a tour in Afghanistan before Claudia was born and I met her mother. Her mother was one of my nurses in a VA hospital. She understood better than most, but I’d drink too much and had too much s*t inside.”

He continues, “Thanks for not putting the necklace on me; I kinda want it but I’m not sure what Claudia would think.”

“Why don’t you ask her; I think your daughter is fairly mature and has a lot of love for you as well as some hurts.” He talks with Claudia, who picks up the necklace and leaves with her dad for another room. Gary is back to help with the dishes. The necklace isn’t visible but later I see part of the chain around Gary’s neck.
 

 
 
I’m in charge of putting extras in containers, throwing away the rest, cleaning off plates and food dishes. I also am responsible with Melanie for cutting the pies and getting plates and forks ready. Melanie gives me a hug to cause me to pause. “It’s crazy I know but the good feeling kind of hurt.”

Melanie says, “Patti told me it might happen, how the good feelings kinda hurt you?”

I say, “I don’t know how to deal with, memories of Jack sitting in my hole in the wall. When I'm staring at holiday windows the hurts come to mind. I feel good today but guilty because Jack doesn’t get to enjoy it.”

Melanie asks, “So if you were still Jack the hurt wouldn’t be there?”

“No, I would be in jail and my butt would be someone’s Christmas present.” I shiver at the thought. “Even if Jack were here and doing well, I expect the memories would be bittersweet. I am proud of having been Jack, I think they will always be part of me, but the hurt and smells catch in my nostrils and cause... Well, that's enough.”
 

 
 
Claudia shakes me; Megan is there and asks, “Could you help paint our nails when you’re done?” It is good to get back to Christmas Present. This time we are in my room. I ask Megan to take her pantyhose off as I do Claudia’s fingernails. Marcella comes in and asks if she can polish Marietta’s fingernails.

Megan shapes the nails on her left hand, as it is an acquired skill to do the same to one’s good hand. I take over and she selects a polish that goes well with her new skirt. I do both hands before starting her toes. Like me, Megan’s feet are sensitive to other people touching them.

The others had gone back to the living room so I am free to spray a perfume mist into the air that Megan and I both walkthrough. It is fun to see her walk into the living room and sit in Jackson’s lap. He has no trouble seeing she is even prettier and he cuddles her warmly. He's having trouble keeping his hands from wandering. Luckily it is time for pie, cookies, coffee, and such.
 

 
 
It is late afternoon when my mother and sisters call. They are joyful and tell me they are at our Grandmothers. “Ashley, your Grandmother knows we have found you and she is asking to see you.”

“Does she know I am a girl? Are you sure my father won’t come to know where you or I am?” My cynical side surprises me, but I detest the idea of seeing him ever again.

“Grandma thought we were joking until she saw your picture with your sisters. She knows you are beautiful inside and out. She says she loves you and yearns to see you.” I didn’t say I would; something about connecting with my extended family angers me.

Bridgette is holding me and my back is against her. “It’s okay you are safe; your parents have room to share with you.”

Speaking to Mom and my sisters, I ask, “Does she want to come with you? I would rather see her in the spring if that would be fine with her.”

“I already told my mother we need time with you and your new family. I think Bridgette and Cathy would alright with it if she came now but I agree I think spring would be soon enough.” Beth grabs the phone, “Ashley thank you so much for the keyboard it is better than I would ever hope for. I am composing a song, “Ashley Phoenix Rising.”

“Will you play it when you come,” I ask?

“It will not be finished, but I will play some of it and Dana can sing it if she would. I’ll warn you it is about you and a boyfriend… lover.”

“I am too young for…” “Yes, you are, however, I didn’t go there. It is about your heart and not his… well, you know.” There is laughter at both ends, hopefully, three moms wondering. “Dana wants to say thanks for the karaoke machine, so here.”

“Mom says I can’t speak long but I am so thankful. I love having another sister. I hope we can go shopping again, see you on the twenty-eighth. Mom thanks Bridgette for making it possible for her to be off this week.” I look to Mom not sure what she has done to help.

They sing, “We wish you a Merry Christmas… We love you.” All of a sudden I miss them more than I had.

I turn around to Mom, “Growing up is the pits. This is better than being on the streets, but I am kind of angry that you let me feel this way. I want only good feelings and go back to stuffing the rest.”

Mom hugs me, kisses me on the forehead, “I can handle that, and I am thankful you feel them in your heart. I love you and I am so happy for you, please know that.”

“I’m your daughter too how could I not.” My mind flashes back to a time Jack is following Bridgette wishing she would notice me. “She did” I whisper.

“She did what Ashley?” I wake from that moment, “I was thinking back when I wanted you to notice me.”

“Were you on Eighth Avenue? That was a time when I wished I could help you; I wished you were a girl.” No way, I flashback and look up to a street sign, 63rd Street and Eighth Avenue.
 
 
One circle is complete.

---

 
 

 
 
Author's Note: Due to a variety of factors, including new story ideas I wish to take my hand at in pushing forward with, I am, for now, retiring this particular story to the back burner. I would personally like to take this moment and thank all of my readers who have stayed with me for this long with "Ashley." It has been quite an adventure. ~Jessica C