My wife Nera and her friend Elva were going out with some other women; when I jokingly invited myself along. It was Elva who said, “Yes, if you can change quickly enough.” Elva was recently singled, so I kind of feel honored she’d let me come along.

I hurried to the bedroom, not waiting for Nera to get her say. There were a pair of jeans where I usually leave mine lying around. So I grab them and put them on. I get out another shirt to put on. Nera told me, I needed to wash my upper body first. I had showered earlier in the day but she was right. My upper body could use a good lathering to take away some stink. I did that, shaved, brushed my teeth and used the mouthwash.

Putting on my shirt, Nera said, “No, if you’re going to wear my designer jeans you need to wear this longer sweater. I don’t want to see any plumber’s butt.” She also put out a pair of shoes she recently got me. I had complained that they were women’s shoes. She insisted, "They are men’s shoes with a metro look. This will be an opportune time to wear them and not worry about others.” The sweater does cover me well and we’re soon off.

Though we go to Divas Tavern, the place to meet their other friends; we start out by sitting away from them. Elva agrees with my wife Nera that the others came for a girls’ night out. We will give them sometime without you around. Maybe you'll somehow get into girl mode. Elva and Nera went to dance with each other which I understand. They’re back when a guy, Peter, comes to our table. He introduces himself and as I reach to shake his hand saying hello. He asks me to dance with him.

He is gentle but deliberate as he helps pull me up. I am relieved as Nera quickly speaks up, “Wait a minute.” She is up and I’m saying "Thanks" to her. Instead of rescuing me, she takes my male ponytail and redoes the ponytail higher on my head. She gives me a kiss on the cheek, saying, “You have a good time dear.”

I’m aghast as Peter must be 6’2” and I’m having to look up him as we dance. He compliments my appearance as he intertwines it with information about himself. I did not realize it, but we’re on our second dance before I begin to talk.

When I mention Nera being my wife, Peter comments, “You’re fortunate to have an understanding wife.” Not knowing what to say, I put my head down and find myself leaning against him. It is near the end of the song I look up and he leans down and gives me a kiss, a passionate kiss.

Elva jokes as we get back to the table, “I guess, we can now go join the other girls.”

Nera tells Peter, “If the rest of us get up to dance, you can dance with this diva.”

When Peter says, “Thanks Heath.”

Elva giggles, “Please, it’s Heather for the rest of tonight.” She and Nera encourage me to pick up my drink and purse and to follow them. It was Nera who had left her purse; but I pick it up to follow them over to their friends.

I think Nera’s upset with me, though they have no trouble telling the others what happened with me. It is not long and most of the women get up to dance. Trish who did not go to dance is soon approached by another woman to dance and she does. It is the same time that Peter is back asking me to dance.

I say no, but Peter insists, "Hey I've waited liked I was asked. You got excited before, you can’t say you don’t like me.” I had noticed, and I'm not arguing. We were already in our second dance and Peter had already kissed me. A woman cuts in to dance with me. She says, “Heather, you’re at a lesbian pub. I’m the one you should be dancing with.”

Though in my mind she’s the woman, Kay is leading the dance and I feel like her girlfriend. When the dance is over; she takes me by her table and grabs her purse. I’m soon going into the women’s room with her. She whispers, “Make sure you sit, when you use the toilet.” I did need to pee. Once out of the stall, Kay calls me to wash my hands and then to let her help me. She uses a little blush brushed it lightly, a touch of mascara for my lashes and finally lip-gloss. She brushes out my hair so it flips in. “Now you look more as one of us.”

We’re leaving the women’s room and she asks, “So which of us do you like most Peter or me?”

I pause, not sure what to say, finally I say, “Nera.” I’m kind of happy with myself.

Kay says as she leads me on the dance floor once again. “But you haven’t danced with her, have you?” The dance is about to end as Peter, cuts in to dance with me. It is at the end of the next dance that I insist on resting. Before I can get away Peter gives me one more kiss and I find myself saying thanks.

One of the women in our group gets up to let me have her seat in the midst of the group. I am glad that Nera has come to sit next to me. Her hand on mine is caring. The conversation goes to how did I like being one of the girls. Nera asks, “How did you like being the one pulled along?”

One of Nera’s friends said, “You even went along when they kissed you. ...I didn’t see you initiate any of them, nor did you push away.” Finally she asks, “What did you notice more, the softness of his lips or kissing with lipstick on?”

First, I am quiet and then I look to Nera. She says, “It’s something guys usually comment about, please answer.”

I say, “Both, you’re right I was surprised that his lips were soft and warm. The lipstick kind of seals a kiss differently.”

The conversation goes on as women comment on the different ways men hold a woman closely. Nera who is 5’ 6” comments that I probably found it different to be looking up to my dance partner.” Which was true, I had the feeling that they, my dance partners were over me and somehow in control.

It is midnight, when Peter comes back to our table. He asks, “Would you be willing to go out with me sometime?”

I say, “No.” Nera hands him a piece of paper, “You might want to call Heather some time. She might just be shy around the rest of us women.”

Peter asks me, “Can I talk alone with you for a moment?” I get up and we walks closer to the door. “I had a good time dancing with you and you enjoyed it as well. I hope you will reconsider if I call.”

I find myself saying, “Peter, you are a good looking guy and I guess I got caught up in being a girl. I’ve never done this before and don’t intend to start now. Though I thank you for tonight and yes it was enjoyable.”

Peter steps forward and we are quiet as we lightly hug. We are both aroused by the other. He gives me a kiss and quietly leaves.

The group stays until after 1:00 a.m. and Elva returns with us to stay the night. She lives farther away.

Nera asks, “Did you like the light scent of your sweater and how it felt wearing it?”

I notice the scent again, “I thought that was you and Elva. Why is this one of your sweaters?” Their smiles answer my question.

Nera says, “That doesn’t answer why you danced so much as a woman or kissed Peter back. How did you feel after you went to the woman’s room and Kay used some makeup to pretty you up as a girl?”

Elva answers, “Each time one might have protested, we saw you go along and enjoy the moment. I think that is why Nera invited Peter to call you sometime.”

I say, “That wasn’t funny, even if I kind of got into being a girl. It’s over, I had the experience. I know how the other half lives.”

Nera giggles, “No you don’t. You didn’t dress up for the night out. You didn’t wear a nice pair of panties, do your own makeup or get into the anticipation of a night out. There’s more than you experienced. I don’t want you to make love with either of them, but you’d have my blessing and even help in getting ready if and more when you would want it.”

“Even if I wanted to which I don’t; I don’t have the clothes and stuff to do as you say. Nor do you like girlfriends getting into your stuff and using it.”

Elva says, “You fit into your wife’s jeans and sweater. You probably didn’t notice you had space to fill where your wife’s breasts usually are.” She pauses to let that sink in. “I’m sure you’d fit and enjoy a pair of her panties. She might want you to have your own bra and to keep the panties you use. You’re about the same size. The only other thing you might need to find is a nice pair of heels.”

“I’m not going out with either of them that’s that.”

It was a Saturday morning when my wife Nera came out of the bathroom from having taken a shower. I love seeing how beautiful she is as she towel dries herself in our room. She began her routine of fixing herself for the day. She’s now in her panties and bra.

I knew she was planning an outing with some of her friends which happens fairly regularly. My understanding was they would go out shopping, have dinner out and enjoy a girl’s night out. Often they make a fun weekend of it.

I was enjoying watching her get ready. We have two young girls Teresa 4 and Katie 2. Nera, however, looks like she hasn’t had any children. Though it did bless the top half of her figure. She took pride in the fact her breasts are perky, as she looks like when she graduated from college and when we got married.

She surprises me when she walks over to her vanity. “Hey, Heather would you please come over here?” I get out of bed but I resist walking over to her. She asked me again, “Please come here and be seated.”

I say, “Please no, I did it once, and I had my time as a girl”

“My request is now a bit stronger Heather, I want your cooperation and I plan to get it today.” She comes and takes my hand and leads me to her vanity bench. “Now sit and relax I do not want your makeup to show stress lines.” She uses little damp triangle pads that to cleanse my face.

I enjoyed us looking face to face as she gave me all of her attention. “What gives Nera?”

She said, “You showered last night, didn’t you? I can even tell you must have shaved your legs and underarms.” Unfortunately, I am one of those guys who needs to shave only once every three to four days. Yesterday evening I shaved before we went to her folks for Katy’s second birthday.

I told her, “Well I was hoping, you’d come back to bed.”

“Heather the girls are awake; would you want them running into the room on us?” She smiles at my cooperation, “Please Heather, I want to help you get ready for today.” I remain seated though I did not know why she was talking about ‘getting me ready.’ She took her concealer and covered a few areas on my face, saying I needed to watch what I was eating and to take better care of my complexion. Then she dotted each of my cheeks and my forehead with a tiny dot each. Asking me to spread that little bit until it covered my full face.

“Nera, what are you doing,” I ask? I must have raised my voice because she raised a finger to my lips to quiet me. Her smile is gentle and caring, but it was one I saw her use with our children and her friends, especially younger women. I saw in my mind the image of one high school girl that she has mentored.

Nera said, “Your older daughter pointed out to me a dress that was hanging below one of your shirts. It was in your section of the closet. She asked me, ‘What my clothes were doing there?’ I am hoping the dress is yours as it showed up after our last girls’ night out. I’ve since thought you needed something newer. My friends Elva and Carla have agreed to go shopping with us.”

I begin to stand to walk out of the room, and she says, “You don’t want to do that. I knew you have a feminine side, and you have dressed as a girl for plays. I knew you might have some things, but I didn’t know you have a dress and two skirts with blouses. There were some panties that I found and I wasn’t even trying hard.” I try to speak but she shushes me.

“I am not angry with you nor are we separating over this. I enjoyed our ‘girls’ night out’ last year when our girls were at Grandma’s. I have done a little learning. Now I just want to see you the girl in you. I want to help you enough so I can see a young woman in front of me. I do not want my husband looking like an awkward man in a woman’s outfit. I want you to learn to take care of this part of you.”

I speak up and say, “But what if Teresa and Katy would come in?”

Nera calmly replies, “They will see you and I will say your name Heather when they see you dressed like this?” I am ready to cry, but Nera says, “Please don’t cry; I was hoping you would be happy to see yourself.” That causes me to pause and think. ‘She is right, I need help to see my way better than can I usually do on my own to bring out my feminine side.’ The tears are still there and I feel vulnerable like a boy found by his mother in her clothes. But I'm 27, have two daughters and been found out by my wife.

Nera smiles, “Good, now let’s work to see what you look like. …Do you have a wig hidden someplace, or do we need to fix your own hair as best we can?” I have a wig but it is not the best. I’m not sure I should show it to her.’

I say, “But what about Teresa and Katy seeing me in a wig?”

My wife says, “I told Teresa that I am going to make you look like one of her aunts, Aunt Heather. I am sure if you are good enough for Teresa to like you that Katy will like you too. If she recognizes you as her Dad, we will not lie to her. I do not want this to be a common occurrence, but neither do I want to treat it as an ugly secret. I hope you agree with that.” I didn’t know how to answer. I just let her continue making up my face and say, “Thanks.”

The doorbell rang as I hear someone call in. Nera says, “We’re in our bedroom Carla but we’re not ready for you yet. Did you get what I asked?” The answer was ‘Yes’. “Would you please get ready for when I call for you?”

I ask, “What did she get for you?”

A light giggle came as she said, “It’s really for you and you’ll know soon enough.”

Nera asks me, “Please choose one of your outfits and get it out and ready to put on. And please chose some nice undergarments to go with it.”

I had to think what I had and what I thought might look good. I dig under a stack of clothes on the top shelf of the shelf above where I hang my clothes. I have a bra there. It is not at the very bottom of the pile. Nera comments, “That was pretty smart of you? Did you learn that from hiding things from your mother?” I took a sports coat I rarely wore off of a hanger. Underneath is a full yellow skirt along with a white and pink blouse. She says, “O that looks like a nice choice,” as she holds it up in front of me. “You still need a nice panty, I hope you have one that is nice and clean in case we’re in an accident or something.” She lightly giggles to emphasize she’s joking with me.

I giggled a little and go to my clothes drawer that has pajamas and odd items. I have three pairs of white panties that are still in their package. The package has been opened, though it had not been by me.

I step into our walk-in closet, tuck myself as I put on my panty. Then I put on my bra, strapping it behind me. Only after I put on my skirt, do I turn around and there’s my wife watching me with a broad smile. I am embarrassed as her finger waves me to come out and sit down again.

Nera tells me, “You need to take your bra off so we can attach a couple of things.” She first marks my chest with two circles around my nipples and spreads gooey glue. She has me lay on my back in bed as she carefully lines up the first breast form and then lightly presses one breast form to each spot.

She visits with me until they dry and I can sit up. She calls out of the room for Carla to come in. I want to quickly put on the bra but Nera is using makeup to blend in the seams with my skin. Only then am I allowed to put on the bra.

Carla puts a small hand towel on each of my shoulders. She marks each earlobe, making sure they match. Elva is also here now and she holds a piece of something behind one ear as Carla pokes a needle through the mark on that ear and quickly inserts a pink studded earring. The process is repeated on my left ear after they double check the mark. Carla steps back saying, “You already make an attractive woman.” I begin to say thanks but stop.

Elva hands me the blouse which I put on over my head. The lone button is at the back of my neck. The blouse has a peek-a-boo opening where I usually have to imagine cleavage. This time my body matches up well with the blouse.

Elva and Nera talk with Carla on how to style my hair. Carla has a twinkle in her eyes as she steps out of the room. She came back in carrying a wig on a foam head form. “I have used this on special occasions, but I plan to replace it. ...Heath, what’s your name? If you want to you can use it or buy it?”

Elva and Carla stop what they’re doing. Elva finally says, “You’ve been asked a question?”

Carla pins my hair so it can be tucked neatly under the wig. She then brings out a wig on its form to keep its shape. She puts on a netted form over my hair and pins it tightly and she does the same with the wig. She works to get it in place; stepping back a couple of times to see how it looks best on me. Carla begins to brush and comb it out. I only get glimpses of myself as she is doing this. The little I see in a distant mirror looks good. Nera asks and insists on knowing how much the wig cost when she bought it.

Carla says, “I paid ninety-five dollars for it new.”

Nera asks if I have another name. Then I mumble, “Dara.” It was the name of a person Nera and I met in college. She was Nera’s friend but graduated after our second year there. Nera smiled, “That was a good choice. I like Dara for you.”

Nera asks, “Dara are you willing to purchase this beautiful wig from Carla, say for $60 dollars?”

I respond, “That would be reasonable, but I don’t think I will need it.” I see everyone’s eyes widen and soon I realize I spoke in my feminine voice.

“Very nice young lady,” Nera replies. “I was wondering if you were going to need to be quiet or how long it would take you to speak as a passable girl.” Carla agrees the voice is nice. We spent some time to refine it a little more. No matter what I do well they encourage me to get even better. They help me work on some phrases appropriate for shopping and being out with the girls.

I ask, “Did you forget how you helped me perfect a voice for the play last year?”

Nera asks, “How did you come to choose Dara as your name?”

“After you and Carla became friends, I always saw myself as wanting to be a close friend like her. And I remembered your friend Darla from college.”

Elva puts a pretty pair of heels in front of me and asking, “Dara, I found this pretty pair of heels.” They are already Dara’s which causes me to wonder how much Nera has found. She asks, “Dara please take the shoes off. We need to paint all your nails and let them dry before you put on some stockings or pantyhose.” Dara has both, though not many choices nor the quality of Nera’s.

Carla brings some cups of tea into the room followed by Teresa and Katy. Teresa comments, “Hi Daddy, you are very pretty. I asked Mommy about your clothes last week.” We sip tea as we wait for my nails to be painted and dry. I was going to pick up Katy but Teresa in her small voice says, “Daddy, you shouldn’t do that or you’ll mess up your pretty nails.” Elva and Carla both giggle at Teresa telling me what I shouldn’t be doing.

Finally, our daughters are excused from the room as I’m told to get my stockings and put them on. Carla took the girls to another room. The stockings are the new style that snugs the top of the leg holding themselves in place. Elva says, “The stockings are very nice and the shoes will do until you get a better pair today.” I wince at the idea of shopping for shoes and someone seeing my feet more closely.

I’m handed one of Nera’s purses. I check inside, there is some of the makeup we used, a comb, brush, tissues and even a tampon. A small purse, compact, and even my cell phone are in there but with a different case. Most of it is in the pouches around the purse with the appearance of being highly organized. I’m told, “Check yourself in the mirror and fix anything that needs it.” I use a tissue to fix a smudge and repair my lips with lip gloss. I have to ask Nera how to fix a curl then two.

Nera asks, “Can you carry your youngest daughter out to the car without getting messed up?” They remind me to bend at the knees to lift her so I do not expose myself. My skirt is short hopefully not that short.

I get to the door where I pause as I’m scared to go out. Nera has already gone to start the SUV, Carla squeezes my hand. “Katie you will be alright, mommy will have you… You’re different, but we’re with you. Take a breath and enjoy a mommy time with your daughters.” Katie was looking to me with one arm around my shoulder and a hand exploring my face.

We’re soon out to the car and I am placing Katie in her booster chair. I pause as Carla helps Teresa get in on the other side, and then smooths her skirt underneath her as she gets in. Carla and Nera are both wearing skirt outfits, yet this is the first time I really notice. I step up to get in the SUV, I have to watch my heels as I turn, step and sweep the skirt underneath me. Both women in unison say, “You did that very well, I’m impressed.” Teresa chimes in like a big girl, “You’re pretty Daddy.”

Nera turns to Teresa, “And who are you to call her away from home?”

“I’m sorry, Aunty, Aunty Dara.” Nera had whispered the name in her ear and then she said, “But you are the prettiest Daddy.”

We’re soon at Nera’s mother’s house and Nera insists on my helping to take the girls into the house. Her mother Nina was glad to see her granddaughters as well as to give me a difficult time. “I hope my dear that you have a good time and find a man who is willing to solidify that smile on your face. It took Nera’s father a while to learn before he ran away.”

Nera interrupted, “Momma’s just trying to frighten you a little; you won’t be doing anything you won’t enjoy.” That made me feel better. Until Nina said as we were leaving, “I like how you are directing him dear to do what he should. You’ll make a new woman out of him.” By the time we were back to our vehicle, Elva had parked her vehicle in the driveway. She was in the front passenger seat and I moved into the back with Carla. Somewhere in Nera’s SUV, they came up with a half dozen large pretzel sticks. I was surprised knowing Nera didn’t really care for pretzels. We tapped each other’s stick and then put a tip in our mouths to suck the salt off one end. Finally, Nera said as she was watching me in the rearview mirror, “It looks like you have good sucking power. How do you like the salty taste?”

When I said it was enjoyable the others giggled and said, “The day is young.”

Once we were to a mall, Nera made it known, “We’ll be getting some clothes for this side of you. I do not want it hidden away Dara. We will work in hope so you can better coordinate your wardrobe and get yourself ready when we go out together.”

“I think this will kill my desire to dress like this,” Dara. I see Nera shaking her head as though she doesn’t believe me. “I believe it will at least diminish it greatly.”

Elva said, “Our understanding is quite contrary to yours. We expect this will whet your appetite even more pretty boy.” I was pretty sure that Nera’s desire was to thwart any previous desires I had. Though presently it was in some ways arousing my feelings that I was having trouble to suppress. I had folded my hands onto my lap to hide any sign of my excitement.

The women took to telling stories about times they got excited just imagining having their way with different men. After a while, Carla asked me, “Dara who did you imagine having an actor or sports star? Were you imagining taking their hard head to suck on until they came or was it your desire to have them push their way up into you?”

She kept pressing me to respond and didn’t let up. Finally, I replied, “There were no sports stars, now please leave me alone.”

Elva said, “Did you hear that Nera? There weren’t any sports figures. Can you think who the actors or singer he may have fantasized about?” Not wanting to say anything believing they’d find a way to make something of it, I became quiet once again. “Mmm,” Nera said, “That’s a little disturbing that he’s not denying it. I sure hope there’s no one in the neighborhood that he’s been eyeing.”

Finally, I spoke up and demanded to be taken home. Nera said, “We’re here and we’re going to do some shopping. Please do not have a temper tantrum or pout. Let’s be on good girl behavior everyone that includes you, Elva and Carla. Don’t tease the little one.”

Once Elva was out, she opened the door for me. Once out and walking I kind of enjoyed the walk into the mall hearing our heels echo on the concrete with each step. Three of us were walking in unison. I even appreciated Nera suggesting me to keep my feet together and to take smaller steps like them. I gave her a simple thanks and she smiled and gave my hand an affectionate squeeze.

“Let’s go to JC Penney’s and look to buy some delicate accessories for you to enjoy deary. Being the same brands offered elsewhere but usually at lower prices, hopefully even on sale. We’ll go to VS later and find a panty bra set that will be extra nice for your intimate time together. And by all means, remind me when we get home to show you how to hand wash and take good care of your intimate apparel.” I understood what she said, but she waits until I confirmed what she said.

She even had me select a two-piece satin nightie. She encouraged me to get a second set, suggesting there would be a time I wanted to be a naughty boy and wear it underneath my clothes to work to the joy of my imagination. She turned to Elva, “She might deny it SO I’m sure she’s done it before.” I didn’t say nor I did not deny it. I did wonder if she was only guessing or knew that I had.

We had shopped until after the lunch rush having stopped at the cosmetic counter on our way out of Macy’s. The saleswoman there stopped us and asked, “Who’s open to being made over?” Between Nera’s nudge and Carla volunteering me I was asked to sit in a makeup chair.

Sally the cosmetician asked, “Are you planning on going out tonight and want your face done up for then?”

I began to say, ‘No… But Nera says, ‘Most definitely.” She searches a bag and pulls out a blouse, a soft rose red in color, saying, “I think this will be her top tonight.”

“That is a help to know,” Sally replied. And with that, she began to take the makeup I had on off and redo my face. “I am going to suggest a moisturizer to be used nightly. You have a pretty looking face but your skin is too dry and should be better-taken care of.” There are concealer and a foundation she used and her putting them on me feels like she is giving me a facial massage. “How does this feel? Hopefully, it will bring some blood up to the skin adding to your color.” She outlined my lips to make them a little larger. Then moved to my eyes. "You need your eyebrows thinned and shaped a little."

I wanted to speak up and say, ‘No, I have to go to work come Monday.’ Instead, I asked, “Is it necessary?”

Sally says, “Let us have the other girls decide if it helps your look.” I sat like a nice pet that knew it was subject to others. Deep inside, I was glad and anticipated how I might look. I knew she spread some wax and let it set before she pulled the different strips. She talked to others telling which product was which.

I was not wanting an audience, so now I’m getting nervous. It was then that she pulled the last of the wax strips and that brought my attention solely back to Sally. She had me look into a mirror, and I just naturally replied, “Oh my, what a pretty difference.”

Nera whispered, “That’s my girl. Continue to relax and enjoy your day.”

The eyeshadow was light yet bright enough to bring attention to my eyes. That became especially true after she applied the mascara. She filled in my lips with a luscious lip gloss. My face was like a very nice painting coming together in glorious color. The finishing touch was a light blush to my cheekbones. My face actually looked longer and thinner to me.

Nera handed me a feminine looking pair of eyeglasses, saying, “They’re with your prescription lenses.”

Sally speaks up, “It looks like your friends were ready to go all out for your young lady.” I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw myself as an attractive young woman. The transformation with the clothes and now the makeover was astonishing. I asked for the makeup I needed to do my face again and was glad to pay the price. I bought a cute makeup bag for the purse, but only a few items went into there. Between what I bought and samples there was much more.

We went to Bennigans to get a small bite to eat. Our waiter even called us lovely ladies and I indeed felt like one. My lip-gloss had set and there was only the slightest of a tint left on my wine glass.

When we made our way to the women’s room, I let out a little “Ouu”. A man had pinched by buns when I bumped his chair. Once inside the restroom, I was just another woman. I know Nera watched me. After I washed my hands she pointed to a makeup smug.

The last thing we did was to go shoe shopping. Nera told me I was to get a pair of heels and a casual everyday pair of flats. She complimented the pair of a dressed up ankle boots that I selected. When I had trouble deciding between two pairs of flats. It was decided by her that I get both of them.

Only once did I protest that I wouldn’t be wearing them. Nera said, “We’re not going to argue about that and ruin a good day. We’ll see what the future brings. You can’t tell me you’re not enjoying how nice you look and being out with us girls.”

My eyes first bowed down but I knew I owed it to her to say the truth. “Thanks. You’re right it is nice. I was afraid of what this day might be like.”

Nera and the others smile as she says, “It will get even better.”

Once we were back in our vehicles, we drove off going another thirty miles further away from home. We then drove into the parking garage of a nice fancy hotel. The others knew where to find the wheeled luggage carriers. And when everyone checked in they asked for our bags to be taken to our suite.

We went to the lounge instead of to our rooms. There we visited about the afternoon. I usually would not have much to say about shopping, but that’s not the case this time. Even when they mentioned about different people we saw. I too had my opinions.

Carla mentioned a man that walked passed us at Bennigans and said hello. “You two took a good look at each other. I was wondering what you were feeling at that moment. I thought he might have looked attractive to you.”

I’m sure I blushed and I wasn’t wanting to say anything. Denying it would have been a lie. I wasn’t comfortable with the fact that I had feelings for him and I knew better than to mention it. I paused enough that Nera finally spoke, “Dara, your mind is drifting.”

I look at her feeling guilty. She came over gave me a hug, saying, “We treated you like a woman and you reacted like a woman. We tapped into something that you have usually stuffed down inside of you.”

She takes me to another table for a moment and we talk. “You’ve been stressed and you’re often someplace else. You’ve told me it wasn’t just dressing in women’s clothes. I’m not usually comfortable with this part of you. But I want you to experience this weekend so we have some idea of where you are; come after this weekend.”

I’m not quite sure of what to make of what she’s saying, or what I should do. I give her a hug and tell her thanks. Things seem to be going too well and she is being way more supportive than I would have ever imagined.

We go back to the group and she’s sitting away from me. We’re listening to the group more than talking with them. Carla finally encourages us to go up to our suite. The clothes that are mine, I’m to take to my separate room. Nera asks, “Do you know which skirt to wear with the blouse I showed when you were having the makeover?” I had one in the overnight bag that Nera helped pack. It could go with that one, but then I remember a short pastel skirt I picked out earlier and bought.

When I pulled it out of the bag and laid it next to the top. We both agreed it was the best choice. She pulled out the bra panty set. I was uncomfortable saying how much I liked it and instead gave a small smile. She tapped me on the buns as she went out of my room.

“If you need help in getting dressed ask and we’ll be happy to help.” She stops and turns around, “We have some hip shapers, would you like to have some curves for your bottom?” She looks at me and knows I’m too nervous to ask.

She calls out, “Elva please help Dara! You’ll have to lose your panties for a moment, so get ready.”

I hear Elva tell Nera, “I’ll get them, Dara will probably get hooked on them like a druggy on dope. But what a way for a T-girl to go.”

“I’m not a T-girl,” I say as Elva enters.

“Tell someone who cares dearie.” She smiles, “I brought in a gaff as well. Now lie down and let’s get the little woman fixed up for her night out with the girls.” Supposedly she had practiced doing this just for me.

My understanding was she had a cousin or some family member she had helped. The cousin had since transitioned. Elva over the past year has grown closer to my wife since she lost her husband. It hadn’t been a great marriage but it looked better looking back.

The hip appliance made each side of my hips ¾ of an inch wider, which might not seem to be a lot. Once the seams became invisible and I put on my skirt the change looked amazing. It gave me a more feminine appearance.

This time when I slipped on my heels I was excited and moved around on my feet in front of a mirror. The makeover I got had started a whole new look and it had excited me more than I dared let on to others.

I sat for a little while, but then started to move around and others poked their heads in to see me. I started with Nera. She was the one who told me to go and enjoy watching the others. Carla was the one most excited to have me watch. She had fun teasing me about what I was looking for in a man.

It was after nine in the evening when we went down to the lobby and waited for others in a limousine; there with five other friends, we’d be sharing the evening. Gina was one and she asked, “I thought Nera was going to force her husband to go out with us. What happened, you sounded like it wasn’t a question about if he was coming?”

I took that as a compliment on how well I looked. I had to change over to my male voice before she would accept I was Nera’s husband. When we arrived at the Rainbow Restaurant and Lounge, we were given a large table that all of us could easily fit around.

Nera would not sit next to me but she did come over and presented me with a rainbow-colored wrist corsage. Others were going out onto the dance floor for their first dance. Then a man named Nathan came and asked me to dance. Nera was upset asking, “Where’s Curtis, he was going to make sure he was the first one to ask her for a dance.”

Nathan turned again to me and said, “Is it okay with you if I have the first dance?”

The man was just over six feet tall, sporting men’s patent leather shoes with two inch heels. He was attractive having the physique the well-toned body of a man. My hand dwarfed in his enough to see a difference. And once my hand was in his, I gladly followed him onto the dance floor. “I am Nathan Hancock, it is nice to meet you”

“I’m Dara Hughes. Thanks for asking me to dance with you. It seems someone had other arrangements for me that I didn’t have a say in. I prefer being asked as you did.” The first two dances were rather slow, and I was ready for a break from dancing.

Nathan’s a mathematician and athletic trainer at a college. He was surprised that I was employed with my wife. He asked, “Is your wife comfortable with you being out like this, and dancing with a man?”

“You met and spoke with her when you asked me to dance. She found some of my clothes and thought it was time for me to experience a night out as a woman? I think she was hoping I’d be swept off my feet and that he had his way with me. …Oops, I probably shouldn’t have spoken like that.”

Nathan says, “While I did not have that in my plans. I do hope to dance with you again, then we’ll see how the evening goes.” We share an interest in history and doing family histories. I do not have his big desire when it comes to fitness. But I’m comfortable that he does.

He is in his early thirties and he is surprised when he finds that I’m only twenty-seven years of age. “How long have you liked to cross-dress?” I was tickled to find out that he has been attracted to guys like me since the time he was in sixth grade.

Nat said, “I knew my feeling for boys was different than most when I was nine years old, but it wasn’t until I was twelve when another boy and I responded to each other. We collided coming different ways around the corner of two hallways. I fell on top of him and when he touched me I mistook it for affection and tried to kiss him. He first said he wasn’t interested. It wasn’t until we were in high school he acknowledge being attracted to me a little. I didn’t get to take his virginity until near the end of our freshman year.”

He said, “You said something about hoping you’d have an experience with a man. When was your first experience in having a man?” He noticed by my expression that I was not ready for his question. This was now the second time we had gotten together in the evening. I had already danced and visited Curtis.

Beth, Carla, and Gina were out of sight from Nathan, but Dara feared they were within hearing range. I dropped my voice, “I fear the answer to either is the same, no.”

Nat said, “Not to be ashamed, it just makes this time all the more important. You wouldn’t want a giant of a man nor one insensitive to your pleasure.”

“I see you are interested in dancing again.” It is then I notice the faster tempo of the dancing. Nathan began to dance as both Elva and Nera had taught and practiced with me. “You are better than many others like you.” That caught my attention as I looked around considering who else might be a woman like me.

I saw one person, who was looking at me with some disdain in her eyes. I looked around to others, noting three, one was at best a man in a dress with overdone makeup. There were two near one end of the bar that could either be men in drag or maybe prostitutes. It was a weekend and people had come and gone or moved around.

I then thought I needed to talk or become friends, but wasn’t sure how or if it was advisable. A woman who had glared at me earlier was looking close to me but not directly at me. Was it Nathan or someone else that she was looking at? She was smiling finally which helped her looks, but that changed quickly enough when the woman looked back at me.

I excused myself and finding Carla went to the women’s restroom. It was not something Carla was excited about but agreed I should have another with me…

To be continued…

Dara expected that the woman who had been glaring at her might either follow her into the restroom to get her claws on her if the woman was angry about her being there. Or seek to put a move on Nathan. The restroom was about to become crowded. Dara couldn’t help but, laugh a little, as it seemed a bit childish. But fortunately, Carla and another woman came in with her. She had used the toilet, then she came out to use the sink to wash her hands and check then check her makeup. It was then the woman made her presence known. “You know we don’t mind new members come into the community. But if it’s solely to try to take away someone else, we seek to make our presence known. Nathan’s a good friend and we’d like you to slow your motor down.”

“I’m Dara, I didn’t catch your name. While I didn’t do anything to cool his interest. It was he who came over to me two times? I don’t want any trouble but we are here tonight and in the area for the weekend.”

“Rose, I hadn’t said it but it’s Rose. I didn’t come in here so we could beat you up or chase you away. If that’s what you and your women friends were thinking. This is a nice place and we’re not about to spoil that.”

She looks me up and down, before saying, “You look nice, nicely put together. I have seen some of the others but not you here before. Am I correct?”

Carla decides to speak up, “She kept herself in the closet and we thought it was time she got out into her world.” A big smile comes on like a light upon Rose’s face.

“Phil hoped, he would be the one to hook up with you and show you a good time.” Seeing my expression change, she said, “And no we don’t know everyone else’s business but Phil was unable to contain himself with the news. He’s like that.”

I asked, “Was it then that Nathan volunteered himself.”

“I welcome you to visit with me as a friend, but I’m not staying in here any longer than I have.” Rose had checked herself and left saying, “A friend and myself will find a table. You, Dara, are invited to join us. I suspect if Nate wants you to be with him, he’ll come over to you. I assure you, he’s not been shy around us.”

Once she was gone, Carla spoke forthrightly, “Dara, we’re happy there wasn’t a problem. You’re not a little girl needing protection or to be directed here or there. Why don’t you take responsibility for yourself? Go with Rose and learn from your kind, or move your booty for Nathan or do whatever you want. We’d like our own time and not see you until tomorrow.”

She hears Nera say, “Remember your overnight bag.” ‘Where did she come from, Dara scratched her head.

We’re walking out at the same time but they’re either walking back to their area or the dance area. I pause enough, looking for Rose and then Nathan. Thankfully he's close to where Rose and her friend are. I begin in that direction. I have a desire to sit with Rose and make friends and learn what makes others like me tick.

‘There’s part of me aching to know how it feels to take someone in me like the woman I feel I’m inside.’

I wasn’t sitting with Rose and Olivia for more than ten minutes and the night bag was brought over to me. All I saw was Elva from behind walking away. But I also saw Nathan now standing closer to me.

Rose had mentioned Nathan and that I needed to get his story from him if he wanted it shared. Olivia a younger twenty beginning transitioning said, “Nate had a love that he helped transition but she left him. He was a ticket to what she wanted.” She was just mentioning how long ago when we were interrupted.

Nate handed me a Pepsi saying he'd get me something stronger if I wanted. I preferred hard stuff but with a sweet taste i.e. a Southern Comfort Manhattan but not too many. I danced with Nathan but as the dance was ending Rose cut in asking for the next dance.

“Are you set on letting him have you?” We talked a little bit as the dance was ending, she said, “Don’t wait until you’re too tired to remember.”

I couldn’t believe it. I’m usually waiting for someone to direct me or make the decision for me. I pick up my purse, “Nate, I’d like to talk with just you whether it’s here or wherever.” We went and sat at a table alone in a corner. I told him, “I’d like to be with you tonight, but I’m not sure how far I’m willing to go the first night.”

Nathan says, “That sounds good to me. You have me excited, I don’t usually do one night stands. Going to my place or a hotel and taking our time sounds good, no forcing expectations.”

I took his hand to help me stand. I can be awkward at times afraid of tripping with the heels. “All I ask is a ride back to the Marriott in the morning.”

He said, “I hoped you might be here for the weekend?” His apartment was within ten minutes of where we were. He showed me his apartment and soon after we’re cozy he slipped his hands underneath my blouse as he hugged me. My bra unsnapped as I was giving him a passionate kiss. I was not used, to being on the receiving end of a man’s affection. However, I have dreamed of a time like this. I felt wonderful, I was already further than anything I thought would actually happen.

I gave him a lush warm wet kiss. His lips were softer than I thought they’d be. Yet there was the firmness of a man as he held me and applied his kiss. I had unbuttoned his shirt, no undershirt. My hands felt his chest and then were loosening his belt and undoing his pants.

He moved on his affection and I became momentarily afraid of what he would do when he found my parts. I froze for a moment.

Finally, I forced my hands down onto his butt, forcing his pants to fall to the floor. I was low enough to look and wonder about taking him. Nathan pulled me up. He laughed that I let myself be corseted. He wanted to enjoy me like this for a while. He gave me a wine cooler. I was surprised when he touched my privates and he played with me.

He was larger and more responsive when I softly touched him.

My body was stirring with feelings that surprised me. Little oozed out of me like when I was with Nera. The feelings and sensations were markedly different. My body already was having other expectations.

He on the other hand was like a bull that I could feel building up. Thankfully I had time to position myself. I had taken my time with him in my mouth when he exploded. I found myself sucking him and licking like I knew what I was doing. The first time was gross to my thinking but I enjoyed it way more than I thought. Actually, I had not planned to do it. I guess I was delaying the inevitable.

Now lying there I reached for my cooler to wash what I still had of him down my throat. We continued to kiss and be affectionate. I’m surprised by how his touches arouse me as Dara and that I like him being bigger than me and nicely proportioned.

We laid on his bed exchanging kisses and talking. We were now taking things slowly as we had talked about. The affection, he was showing me, was that of an affectionate and caring man.

It seemed odd that I was content in being with him. I could feel my own nipples were responding underneath the breast forms, I began to wonder. Nera had arranged the evening except being with Nathan was different than her plan. My nipples tingling, had me wondering if Nera been giving me something I was unaware of?

I put that out of my mind and focused on relaxing and enjoying our time together. I was surprised when he mentioned it was three in the morning. I was snuggled in next to him when I soon fell asleep.

When I awoke in the morning he was spooned in behind me. I wiggled my bottom to awaken him. I could feel his breath blowing over an ear.

He asked me, “How do you know so well what to do? You lied to me didn’t you about me being your first.” It sounded like he wasn’t happy about it.

I said, “No, no. It’s true, you are in fact my only experience. Please believe me.” I am sure tears came to my eyes and were heard in my voice, especially as he pulled back. I was relieved when he grabbed a tube and used it on my butt.

When he pushed himself against me, I let out a moan. There was unexpected pain as he pushed even harder to be inside of me. He was both bigger and more forceful than I expected. It was however more of a turn-on and joy he was giving me. I read something about how I was feeling him rubbing against something inside of me that enhanced my sensation and I loved it. It felt like good sex something I had not enjoyed in a long time.

Now Nathan was enjoying me; I could tell that from his sounds. I could feel him moving faster and I was expecting him any moment to explode inside of me. It was at that time everything became much more intensive. He began to climax and I felt him warmly gushing inside of me. His body was shaking as I too felt an orgasm wash over me.

I couldn’t believe it was happening, especially with him being such a stud. He lasted for a while afterward he rolled off of me. We joined together with another passionate kiss. I could have been a teenage girl for the way I made over him and sounded. I had not expected to experience explosive feelings of orgasm. It was different from what I experienced with Nera. I did have some fluid leak from my penis but that was the limit of my male response.

I heard him moan and then mutter, “You are quite the woman. I’m really glad you’re here.”

Exhausted we fell back asleep again in each other’s arms. I spooned myself behind him with my arms around him as we slept.

I awoke when the room brightened from the sun indicating it was late morning. I found my way to the toilet and relief. I was still wearing the top of the satin nightie that I had worn to bed. I looked and found the panty down the end of the bed. It was unscathed from our fun time in bed, so I put it on. A sense of fear came over me. I was now afraid he might be done with me and not want to have any more to do with me.

Nate finally spoke, “I enjoy being with you and hope you enjoyed yourself.”

He wanted more but honored my request not to make out again.

We both knew it was time to get up and that I needed to get back to the hotel. Once I was put together we went into the restaurant at the hotel and ordered breakfast. Then I heard the other girls coming in to have a late breakfast or brunch.

Nera came over saying hello and asking if I had a good time. Not wanting to say much there, I said, “Yes, but let’s not visit here.” Elva glared at me. I took it to mean she was upset with me or with Nera giving me attention.

We enjoyed our breakfast and patiently waited for them to finish their breakfast and long-winded conversations.

When they left to return to the suite I kissed Nathan goodbye and followed a minute behind them. It was me who was to be surprised next. When I knocked and started to open the door. There was my luggage in front of me on the floor.

Nera was soon there smiling as was Elva. “You might as well take your things; you and I are through. You need not get all emotional and make promises you can’t keep. You’ve slept with another man and stayed with him overnight. That is more than enough grounds for a divorce. And regarding our daughters, we’ll work out something. But if your lifestyle affects them we’ll have to stop their visits as well.”

I was sure she expected me to curl my tail under me and slither away. “Don’t go rushing to thinking you’re getting your way on everything. I’m sure you two have been an item way longer than me and my night out last night,” I said. “Plus I’ve done a lot of the work for your business. I don’t think Elva can do it all or as well, and I know you don’t want to do it.”

That riled Elva which was part of my purpose. She broke her silence, “You bet we’ve been together longer. If my husband had been alive and healthy maybe we could have traded partners.”

“Teresa and Katie won’t want to be with you. You’re not their Mommy, never will be.”

“So then you won’t mind if they have a say in how often they’re with me,” I said? “And our day and time look more favorably on a transwoman. It shouldn’t be hard to get a job and make my own way. You Nera have been the breadwinner, so maybe it will be you who pay alimony and support.”

Nera and Elva as well as the others are surprised that Dara/Heath is speaking up. Where did this strong will come from? It had long been suppressed.

Heath spoke up in his male voice. “I’ve seen this coming for over a year. I have enough set aside to see me through the near future. I need to find my new self, thanks in no small part to all of you. Needless to say, you’ve helped Dara become visible and even helped me to be a better woman than I would have on my own.”

“Now if you don’t mind, I’ll get a room and then get a luggage caddy to help move my belongings.”

Dara/Heath went down to the registrar’s desk and got a single room for another night. She had text Nathan about what she was doing. Nathan offered for Dara to stay with him. And though she might end up doing that later tonight she took the room. Heath was wanting to keep his head clear. While on one hand he was excited by all that has happened; he also sought to be cautious about what he was doing and to take time finding himself. There was no way he wanted Dara to be a one-weekend wonder.

Nor did he/she want to risk the children, now that it was known what Nera was up to, divorcing him was no surprise. He had even set up accounts and had a private mailbox that Nera had not known about.

Today Dara would do some shopping and use their joint account. There was the rental of a nice car, the purchase of luggage, and much of the clothes would be for everyday wear. She got a new tablet and computer as the old one had most of Nera’s business accounts on them.

Buying clothes it became apparent that the saleswoman recognized Dara for being transgender. Bethany was happy to help Dara and Dara more than once leaned on her for her perspective.

Bethany dared to inquire, “I know when I’m shopping like this I either had or was planning a good night.”

Dara responded, “Both”. Bethany said, “Good for you. Is it with someone you have known for quite a while or just recently met? Oops, I’m sorry that isn’t my business.”

“I met him last night, but much of the joy has to do with just being myself.” It was when she was checking out and Bethany spoke of seeing her yesterday buying some things with a bunch of women. Dara says, “I think, they were setting me up for a big fall from reality. I surprised them by liking the evening and being out on my own.”

Bethany smiled, “That’s a healthy way to look at things. It looks like you can take care of yourself.”

“I’m not quite as confident about that. Day makeup and night makeup and which colors or tone works for me? There’s a lot of learning I need and no one to help me.”

Bethany helped me as I finished buying clothes as well as selecting a pair of dressy 3” black heels. When I finished checking out she asked if I would talk with her.

She said, “I checked with my girlfriend Terri and we’d be willing to help you get ready for tonight if you wanted. We both need to help though for our own safety,”

“I don’t know what to say, you working were would seem to guarantee my safety.” Bethany smiles, “I hadn’t thought of that but true.”

“I think, I have enough clothes and makeup. I just wish there were others I might be able to relate to and not only Nathan. I know that probably sounds like I’m ungrateful. Before I got a chance to be on my own as Dara. It wasn’t about sex; often I’d be wanting to be with other women and more of a relationship than sex.”

Bethany says, “If you’re sincere about that I know a woman who’d love to meet with you. I can’t promise she wouldn’t seek some heat with you, nor could I promise she’d be interested.”

I gave Bethany my number and the hotel asking her to call. I text her later that I wanted to be ready by 9:30 and she text me back that Terri was willing to help and they’d be there a little before 8:00 p.m.

I took my clothes back to the hotel and rented a car there, first to go to lunch and then look around the city. Where I saw a community-building advertising a handwork show of knitting, painting, quilts, and crocheting. I thought of my mother who protested when I got into a knitting bag.

I decided to pay the nominal fee and go look around. Once inside I felt at first to be in forbidden territory. As I went around to different displays, I found myself looking closely to see the different stitches. One woman asked, “You are looking very closely. Do you knit yourself?”

Automatically I said, “No, my mother forbid her sons from doing it.”

I could feel her eyes looking more closely at me. Finally, she introduced herself, “I’m Jackie, would you like to sit down and try it a little.” I looked her in the eyes to ascertain if she was serious. She smiled and motioned to a seat. She had a piece of linen in a frame with a needle and colored thread. I picked up the framed linen and looked for the outline of a pattern. It was of a long-stemmed red rose tied in ribbon.

I became nervous, looked up, and said, “I can’t.” She cupped her hands on mine, “You can this is a great hobby to calm one being anxious.” She asked, “So what is your name?”

“Dara.”

“Well Dara, make a ¼” stitch and then go back over it and follow the stem all the way up.” She praised me when I did it right, or even reasonably well. She stopped me once in the middle of pushing my needle through. “Do you really want to do that?” I looked and I was getting ahead of myself and pulled the needle back out.

When I told her where I was from, she asked, “Would Somerville be too far to come for our knitting club?” I was surprised that she would ask me. “I can think of at least one member besides myself who’d love a chance to help you to do well and enjoy knitting. Plus we sip wine and enjoy getting to know one another.”

I couldn’t believe it but I left the show after spending over an hour. I even came away having exchanged phone numbers about joining a knitting group. It was evening before I got back to my hotel room and quickly into the shower.

I laid out my outfit on the bed and was picking which bra and panty to wear when there was a knock at the door to my room. I quickly put on the yellow panty/bra combination and put on the hotel’s robe. That would cost me, but it helped me to get to the door.

Because I was late getting to the door, Bethany said, “I was afraid you were canceling out on us.”

Looking down at myself in a robe, I said, “I’m running late and you’re early.”

Bethany, “Your voice Dara.” I was embarrassed as she introduced Terri.

“Hi, Terri, thanks for your help,” I said, regaining my voice. “You won’t believe it but I was at a handcraft show.”

Terri said, “I think I saw you doing some knitting, but you were clothed and seated at the time. …I guess you’re serious about liking to be a woman.” She picks at my robe, “So did you shave your legs to keep yourself presentable?”

She opened up my robe to see what she had to work with. “Please don’t mind me but I work with models and actresses all the time in the city. I’m still putting in my time by working here, there, and wherever I get a chance to do my craft. This will be my first working with a T-girl.”

Bethany says, “I like the lace. The outfit is a bit conservative for a night out, but then I’m not sure what choices you have.”

Terri agrees, “That’s a nice outfit for tomorrow or Monday. Why didn’t you choose this short blue skirt with this top? You can even wear this lace camisole underneath your blouse. You’d still be quite presentable but looking more appropriate for a night out.”

It is getting close to 10:00 p.m. when we enter the Rainbow lounge. Some of the restaurant customers have joined those already in the dance/bar area. A woman name Cortney has come over and Bethany introduces her and me as Dara.

Terri tells Cortney, “She met Nathan Gibbs last night and will probably be with him some tonight. She says last night was new. She generally sees herself identifying more closely with women.”

Cortney says, “I like what I see and I kind of have good vibes with her. Hey Dara, could we use a slow dance to know each other better?” She flicks me a little pill, “If you wouldn’t mind I’m not excited to see that other parts come alive.”

I hesitate as I don’t want to commit myself to be with her. “If we leave here together, I hope you will have taken that pill. But you’re right, you’re a big girl and can decide that for yourself.”

We stayed on the dance floor for quite a few dances. She quite a dancer and has a lot of energy that feeds my energy as well. I didn’t think I could keep that pace in heels or dance this nice. Cortney just shows me a few steps and movements and I’m soon doing something new.

I saw Nathan and later Nera and company. Hey however have either stepped out or gone elsewhere. I’m sipping my Southern Comfort Manhattan taking my sweet time. I’m enjoying being with people like Dara.

I text Nathan not to stay away. He comes and I introduce him to the others. There is a little uneasiness but I thought ‘Heck, I’m uncomfortable this is new to me. They can decide if I’m worth their effort.’

I took plenty of time with both Nathan and Cortney. I think I could enjoy being with either one but it was around midnight that Cortney decided to leave. “I would really like it Dara if we could be together tonight.”

I said, “I took the pill about an hour ago in hope that we could be together.”

Cortney says, “I’m glad. Have you ever made love as another woman before?” I told her that I had kind of done it with my wife. “Well, I will be going out of my way to help you have a good time with me.”

I was surprised when we got to her apartment building, she said, Bethany and Terri also live in this apartment complex. “I hope we can have some quiet time for a little while. But I wouldn’t mind slipping out of my pantyhose and getting cozy together…

Cortney had gone to change, I was soon up looking around the room at pictures and then gazing at the view outside. Cortney had silently entered the room behind me and had begun massaging my shoulders before wrapping her arms around me.

“It looks like you can enjoy a quiet moment as well as being up and having a good time”. I felt warm and relaxed in the arms of Cortney. We were soon slowly dancing to a tune playing in the background. It was my first time as Dara to be alone with another woman. I thought I had the experience with Nera, but there’s something inside says. ‘This is different there’s a mutual caring. She’s accepting of you. There’s even the feeling that I’m loved.’ I mutter, “This is my first time, it’s so different.”

Cortney pulls me in closer as we stop dancing. “Thanks for coming home with me. I even sense you had feelings for Nathan and it must have been a nice time last evening. It makes me feel blessed you’re here.” Her kiss was gentle.

Led by her hand I followed her into her kitchen. She pulled out a bottle of wine and a plate of cheese. There was the smell of warm bread she had baked and still warm from the oven. “I hope you are one who can enjoy a quiet time.”

We went back into the living area, each with a glass of wine, the plate of cheese with the warm bread rolls. We clinked our glasses in a toast to being together. I looked at Cortney and she was beautiful in her flowing negligee.

Before I sit down she asked, “Could I help you to be more relaxed?” Before I could respond she was undoing the top buttons of my blouse. “You looked so beautiful tonight. Have you practiced a lot in being a woman or do you find it so easy to wrap yourself in the spirit of being Dara?” My blouse was off and my skirt loosened to drop down. Cortney nicely places both to the side.

“I think you will nicely fit into this kimono. You can choose if you would like to slip off your bra and panty before or after to have it on.”

I roll down my stockings and then turned away from Cortney. I take my panties off and unhook my bra from behind. Cortney helps me to put on the silky kimono and bring the belt loosely around. With wine glasses in hand, we sit looking at each other on the love seat and in front of the fireplace. Cortney offers me a bite of cheese that she’s holding on a crusty bun. I take a small bite as she does as we lean back.

She says, “You give me the feeling a special girlfriend I can relax with.” It is a scene one rarely gets to paint even in their mind. I am gazing at how beautiful Cortney is, trying to think if it is more a sexual magnetism, how she looks. It feels like it goes much deeper and more sensual. I am glad when Cortney says, “I hope you can stay around tomorrow maybe into Monday.”

“Thanks,” I say, “I wasn’t thinking of that it would give me more time to enjoy being with you. It helps me in being Dara.”

I ask, “You said you do therapy and healing with women and families. What exactly is it you do?”

She said, “I sometimes work one on one with a woman as she works through hurts that can be physical, emotional or sexual anywhere from abuse to traumatic events such as the death of children or the loss of a caring spouse. Sometimes when people are coming out of broken relationships, healing is needed before they can go on and build healthy relationships.”

I giggle, half seriously asking, “So do you see me as a case of yours to be solved?”

“Not at all. I wouldn’t be intimate with someone who I saw as a client. One can hurt while quite healthy in working through their broken past. I see myself totally being a friend hoping we might have a romantic relationship.”

She goes around turning off the few lights that were still on. I notice there are candles as well as the fire in the fireplace gently crackling. I’m lying against comforters and big pillows. Cortney is sensually beginning to play with me. Her hand takes mine to a place she finds. A spot just above my penis. She’s helping me to rub there like something should be happening and it is. She says, “I call that the female clit of a trans-woman. Most other men don’t experience anything. Whether it’s something physical or just part of your female psyche, it is real for you. My intention is to bring you to orgasm as a woman, and be your lover… Enough of talking.”

I’m not sure how much time passes, but I never thought I’d feel an orgasm come over me without going into a woman or like last night a man making love to me. I purr and moan from the sensations of being loved.

I am doing Cortney, she has guided me in using one or two fingers or my tongue. It has been a while since I made love with Nera with anything even close to this. Cortney helps me find where she is most sensitive. More or hard is not always best during the time we take. I’m finding her spots. Even listening to her, I hear when I should take her deeper into her own orgasm or when just to help her to keep the experience alive. It is the first time I’ve ever experienced lights, colors, and euphoria in such a profound way. The truth is I never seen color and light sensations before while having sex or anything else.

We’re in the dark of morning and we’re taking a shower together. It is nice and warm and we are washing each other as well as ourselves. Afterward, I get a nightie that I brought with me. I’m invited into Cortney’s bed of satin sheets and an overstuffed comforter.

Come morning I wake up and a clock indicates it’s after 8:00 in the morning. I hear a noise coming from the kitchen and notice Cortney is not with me in bed. I roll out bed and put on little footies and wrap a robe around me. Quietly I sneak to the kitchen. There’s Cortney huddled in the kitchen trying to stop herself from crying.

“I’m here Cortney, what’s the matter?” She tries to wipe away her tears, as she says, “Nothing.”

I say, “It’s nothing! Something has you crying.”

With a look of frustration, she exclaims, “I’m in love. It’s not supposed to happen to me like this.”

I hug her and say, “Does this usually happen quite easily like this?”

“No! And it wasn’t that easy this time!” she kind of snorts in a grumbling voice. She takes me by the hand, saying, “Come here.”

We are soon back in bed and she’s passionately kissing me and doesn’t let up until we’re both in the midst ecstasy washing over us. She says, “Did you feel that? I usually don’t do that. I was crying because I need to let you go home today or tomorrow, and I don’t want too.”

I started to giggle, but she said, “Don’t laugh, I’m serious. I know what we need to do.”

I try to diminish my wanting to laugh in agreement. “Yes, I couldn’t help but feel the euphoric feelings come over me.” I ask, “Are you saying we can’t be together ever again? Or is it that we need to take time and not rush into things?”

Cortney says, “It would be nice if we could take our time. But with you finding yourself, need to get divorced and care about your girls. I don’t know if you could do that with me around. That could easily take a year or more. Men, even transgender women aren’t too good at taking the needed time.”

Cortney drives me to the hotel to get my belongings and to check out, I have agreed to stay through Monday. We’ll have a late breakfast and then I’ll leave for the community I live in.

Physically it was easy enough to pack all my clothes in the luggage I purchased. Now we’re on our way back to Cortney’s. We spend much of our time telling more about ourselves. I told her about Teresa 4 and Katie 2 and showed her some pictures of them on my phone.

Cortney said, “Do you know that your daughters look a lot like you?” It was something I had not realized before. It took me dressing as my Dara persona that it became so evident. She said, “I suspect your wife will be a little upset in the future when others point out that fact. If you don’t mind, it might be helpful that I go with you when they’re to see you as Dara. It will also be helpful for them to know you are still Heath their Dad.” We continued our talk when another concern came to me. “How am I going to explain all this to my parents?”

“Where do your parents live? If it is not too far, it might be better to speak to them in person.” I like that idea, plus the possibility of Cortney going with me. My parents live near the ocean. I assured Cortney that my parents knew of my feminine side though my Dad got himself to believe I had grown out of it.

She said, “That is easy enough to explain and document. If they knew it was part of your personality for such a long time in growing up. It is understandable that a dad especially had the desire to think of you growing out of being you. Coming to accept yourself is a more mature and healthy understanding on your part.”

I felt good to be talking about my daughters and continuing my life in general. She and I were going to make some omelets for dinner. But decided instead to go visit my parents with me as Dara.”

It was a seventy-minute drive to my folks. We had called ahead as Mom was home and Dad would be home by five thirty. He technically had sold his hardware business but was obligated to help run the store for the new owners. It kept a familiarity with the business as customers came to know the new owners and them their customers.

We arrived at their home after six fifteen, My Mom, Elizabeth Martin, was pleased to see me looking so well. “Honey, I like this look for you. It is kind of ironic that Nera helped you to achieve the look. And that she also planned to dump you for her friend Elvira.

Dad began to greet me with a handshake before changing to a hug. “Well did I hear you say, you’re going to take your time being both Heath as well as Dara? …Wasn’t there a Dara at college a year ahead of you? Personally, I liked her far more than Nera but Nera already had her claws into you and you on a short leash. Then she became pregnant.”

I ask, “Mom and Dad did you really see it that way? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Mom says, “We did and I did again shortly after you became engaged to Nera. But you insisted we’d come to love Nera as we got to know her. We did come to accept and love her, but her spots never did change much.

We ate dinner there and stayed until after 9:00 pm. Mother quickly liked Cortney but agreed, I needed to take a few months in finding myself. “I agree with Cortney you could easily take a year in making a healthy new start. But I agree with our daughter Dara that you should keep your connection with Cortney if possible. Even if it would not work out in the long run, I think you being friends agrees with both of you. You need a woman friend to give you a perspective on growing as a healthy woman.”

Before we left my parents said they’d help me look for and finance a better car. And Dad asked if I’d be interested in managing a retail hardware store. “I thought you said you it’s all sold it to those guys. Plus I thought you use to say it was a man’s business.”

He said, “It was a more a man’s world when I said it. Times have changed. Plus you could open a new Martin’s Hardware and Landscaping company. It could be in a better location with a better layout.”

Mom said, “Those are all things to think about in the future. Right now you need to get going, and take one day at a time.”

Cortney and I headed back to her place and because of lighter traffic we were there in an hour. Cortney asked me to turn away from her for a moment, which I did. Then I felt her putting a necklace around my neck. “Your mother wanted you to have this and said, ‘You should stay the course.’ She said you would understand.”

I look up and into a mirror and my eyes water. Cortney says, “I know what ‘stay the course’ means. But your mother thought it would have added meaning for you.”

I said, “When I was sixteen, my mother was battling with cancer. She wasn’t expected to survive it. But as you see she did and regained her health. To my sister Gloria and me, it means even when it looks bleak stay the course and believe.” She said, “It didn’t guarantee you’d beat it or win. But it will give you hope and that gives you the best chance of succeeding. My mom wore this necklace or another one that she gave to Gloria when she wanted to look good. She said, when a woman looks good it is therapeutic to her.”

Cortney says, “It sounds like your mother even then gave you advice a mother me might give to her daughters.”

It was a half hour later that Gloria called. Gloria said, “Mom called and told me some of what happened. I wanted to call and let you know I feel for you. Like Mom said to you, your wife doesn’t surprise me. I bet she’s counting the alimony and child support she figures she’ll get.”

Gloria continued, “So its Dara is it. Show yourself on your phone screen. Mom says you’re a sharp looking woman with a nice girlfriend.” I turn on the phone camera and call Cortney over. We’re soon on the screen. Gloria talks. “Cortney, I hear you’ve come into Dara’s life at a crucial time. I don’t mean to pressure you, but I hope you’ll continue to be in his life. Oops, sorry I meant to say her life.”

Cortney replied, “I think both fits. We will have to wait and see how much will be Dara, now that she’s embracing herself. …Do you ever come this way that you might be able to personally visit with Dara.”

Gloria giggles as she speaks, “Yes, my daughters and I will be out in three weeks to celebrate with our parents. They have an anniversary and we’ll also take my Mom out for her birthday. This will be the first year Dara will be able to take part in our women’s night out.”

I speak up, “I wouldn’t think of intruding on you and Mom and your women’s night out.”

Gloria giggles some more, “Well Mom has already told me she’s looking forward to you being with us and my girls on our women’s night out. Chloe and Jana are also looking forward to seeing you.”

Cortney says speaking of me, “This sister of yours is like a yoyo. She’ll be talking and visiting as any other woman and then she’ll fall back to having no confidence or realizing she is quite a woman.” Cortney gave Gloria her contact info and they agree to visit again.

By this time I was half lying down on her couch when Cortney starts to give me a foot rub. Having worn heals part of the day, Cortney giving me a foot massage feels unbelievably great. It was the first time for me. She occasionally ran her hands up and down my legs.

I wasn’t sure exactly when she did it but my stockings were off and she was more forward in giving me attention. I had a glass of wine in my hand. Every so often she gives me a kiss.

Once again she’s making out with me and treating me as her woman lover. I remember part of what she taught me last night in pleasing her. When I ask for instructions. She says, “Love me by listening to me and my body. I think you will do very well.”

Since we were intimate for some two hours; it must have pleased her plenty. Once when I was orally pleasing her, she kept my face back between her legs. I hadn’t been thinking of myself as a man.

When we were finished she politely said, “I’m sorry, but sometimes you will need to speak up or I’ll let you please me all night.”

I thought to myself that I was enjoying myself.

I don’t know what time it was that we finally fell asleep, but I did not feel like we slept awfully long when 6:30 came around. “Come on Dara, get up. It isn’t good for a woman to get used to sleeping late. You’ll need the time to take care of yourself and remember to take care of your girls. You said, today you need to get your accounts properly set up at North Branch. You should also go home and spend some time with your daughters. If they don’t see you it will be easier for them to think you don’t care and picture you as a monster or however your wife has described you.”

“You don’t want to play her game and be like her. It may not be easy but you’ll need to set the tone of how they get to see and know you now.”

It was not a bad spring day, chilly in the morning and with wind gusts that remind me that I’m wearing a skirt. I went to my lock box and got my old passport, my birth certificate and went to the courthouse. I needed to get identification for me as Dara. My friend Cyndi, from my support group, came to the courthouse to verify who I am. I was also able to go and get a copy of my car license with my name and picture as Dara.

Then I went to my house and walked in and greeted my daughters who came running to me. I was able to lift Teresa in one arm and Katy in the other, giving hugs and telling them I love them.

Nera came walking out to the living area where we were. She had not remembered Dara’s voice. “Oh, I thought you were Elva. We’re taking the girls out for supper.”

I ask, “How many homes cooked meals since you came home?” Teresa said, “Mom’s been treating us special we go out to eat all of our meals.”

Nera says, “If you want to help cook and care for the children and the house you’re free to stay for a couple of days. But I want you to find your own apartment and get out when I want you out. Do we have an understanding?”

“I also want you to change and dress as Heath while you are here.”

I ask, “Do I understand properly that you’re willing for me to stay if I cook, clean the house and care for the children. And, yes, to dress as Heath.”

Nera says, “And remember you’re to get your own place and get out when I say so.”

I say, “Well I don’t mind moving into the guest room and staying there. I will cook and help take care of the house as well as the children. Right now, but I’ll usually dress as Dara and let people get to know this side of me. If everything goes right, I will move out this weekend or a little sooner or later. I need to make sure I get a place the girls can come to.”

To be continued…

Heath was interested in being visible himself, but Nera giving him a difficult time made it hard for Dara to back-off. Teresa and Katy hugging Dara made the first evening easy enough. Dara knew what was usually there that might make a supper that the girls usually liked. Why don’t I make some pigs in a blanket it will be like breakfast for supper? The girls screamed “Yes” as Nera said. “No!”

I let the girl and Nera talk it out. I was soon cooking the sausage and pancakes. Teresa found some fresh berries that we used to make a syrup.

When I said, “We don’t have a vegetable?” Little Katy said, “Cheesy potrs” well enough we knew what she wanted. We did have some frozen shredded potatoes and shredded cheese. It all came together in forty minutes. Even Nera and Elva had smiles on their faces.

I asked, “Since I cooked, would it be alright if you two cleaned up? I would like to read to the girls before bed if they’re interested.” The girls yelled out the books they wanted to read as well as saying, “Please, please Mommy, let Auntie Dara read to us.”

Usually, I would read in one of their rooms, but I felt more comfortable tonight reading in the living room. I had stopped at Kohl’s and got two of their five dollar books for children and splurged another five dollars apiece and got little-stuffed figures that went with the books. I read one each of their books and then the new story books. An adorable bunny rabbit in pajamas went with one book’s story and a cuddly donkey went with the other.

I had rarely gone out of my way to enjoy them as I was tonight. Nera clapped as we finished reading. Elva seemed pleased enough but showed no emotion either way.

Nera said, “Why don’t I help one to get ready for bed and you help the other.” We did that and I was even hoping maybe Nera was having a change of heart.

Once the girls were nestled in their beds, we left them and returned to the living room. Where Nera and Elva were hoping for a quiet evening together. Nera looked to Elva and then me. “This is where I’m letting you go your own way. I hope you don’t mind, but you need to know this isn’t your home anymore.”

I was choking on my thoughts from a few moments before and the warm emotions I had been feeling. Despondent I made my way to where I’d be sleeping.

I spent some time thinking of various apartment complexes the next community over as well as places I might apply for jobs.

The next morning I was up early and dressed as Heath; I helped get the girls up and ready for the day. I wasn’t sure what Nera was doing with them. Usually, Teresa would be going to daycare and Katy only went two days a week. Then Nera indicated both girls were fulltime in day care now. I could tell Katy was hoping to stay home and get more personal attention.

It was only when Nera got back that she said, “I told the people at KinderCare that their Dad as a woman named Dara would be picking them up at 4:30. …I hope it won’t be too awkward for them but I thought you might as well experience the consequences of your actions.”

I said, “It should have been talked out between the two of us. But thanks for at least letting me know before 4:00 o’clock.”

I had planned to go looking for an apartment and telling the people who I was. I wasn’t surprised that the morning had gone roughly with people back tracking on if they had an apartment for rent. I sat and ate at a dinner up on the highway the next town over. I was looking at advertisements for apartments available and saw one that looked like it might work short-term.

A woman with three children and a large house; she had an apartment available, but stated that she was likely selling in the summer. I called ahead and she would be home and could meet me after 5:00. It would give me enough time to pick up the children and then go there. I informed Sandra that I’d be bringing the children but they were not renting the apartment with me.

It ended up being a blessing in disguise.

Leaving the diner I made the mistake of saying hello to Patrick a Conservation Ranger on my way out. He turned around saying ‘Hello’ back but paused when he didn’t recognize me. I had been in a social club representing Nera’s company when we met.

Patrick O’Donnell said, “Hello.” And then held out his hand to shake mine saying, “I’m sorry, but I need to ask your name. I can’t quite remember your name and where we met.”

I was embarrassed, but by now he had taken hold of my hand and clasped his other hand over mine. I couldn’t think of what to do or say, so I decided to go with the truth. “Patrick, you won’t recognize me, as you know me as Heath Martin. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I wasn’t thinking and just automatically said hello. Dressed as I am, I’m Dara Martin. I just recently came to embrace myself.”

Pat half laughed, “Well I guess I wouldn’t. But as Heath, you were a pretty good guy and being Dara seems to agree with you.”

I let out a sigh of relief. He responded, “I gather you worry about how people see you or you haven’t always gotten a warm greeting.” He said, “You’re welcome to sit down and talk if that would be helpful.” He found an open table and I sat across from him as he had lunch and I had more coffee.

During our conversation, he said, “You know various agencies are usually looking for people of diverse backgrounds to fill various positions. If you’d be looking for employment and like in conservation let me know.” He gave me his card when I said I might.

It was 1:30 in the afternoon when I finally left the diner and went back to my house. I refreshed myself, changing my blouse and taking care of other matters. I had not been comfortable using the women’s room at the diner.

I called my counselor leaving a message that I was ready to talk about embracing myself. We had parted ways when she said I should get back in touch with her when I was ready to change.

When I went to pick up Teresa and Katy, a woman who managed apartments but wouldn’t rent to me was picking up her children. When I asked for Katy and Teresa, she spoke up saying, “Oh you’re Teresa and Katy’s Dad. I am sorry I didn’t have an apartment. If you don’t find anything contact me next week I might just have an apartment come open.”

Cheresse one of the staff taking care of Teresa came to me. “Hello Dara, it looks like you’ve made a friend. I’ll be happy to be a friend. I want things to work that would be best for your girls.”

She calls to the next section, “Sonja is Katy ready? Dara’s here to pick her up to go home.” Mrs. Jackson and Brenda, I don’t know her last name, both look at me. Neither recognizes me.

I turn to Cheresse, “If anyone asks who I am, you can tell then, Dara Martin and either I’m Aunt Dara as Nera wants me known or their father that is fine with me.”

Cheresse says, “Thank you, I glad to see you being so healthy for the girls’ sake. You have a good day.” She and others said good-bye to Katy and Teresa. Katy was up in my arms and Teresa took my hand as we walked out to the car. I knew Katy was waving her hand good-bye as well as saying it. Teresa asked, “Did you already put our day care things in the car.

I turned in my footsteps and returned only to find everything could have stayed there until tomorrow. The girls were happier and would rest easier so it was good I went back. We got to the town of Cove Center. It was 5:20 by the time I found Sandra Hart’s place. Sandra was soon to the door and waving us in.

It is a big old house that looks like it had been remodeled and well taken care of from the outside. It was no different when we went in. The Harts problem was that Paul Hart had died over a year before and the refinancing of the house for the remodeling was too much financially and too much work for a single working parent.

I apologized for bringing my daughters but assured her they would not be living with me. She showed me the apartment and there were three rooms, a kitchenette, and bathroom, all up on the third floor. It had its own entrance up the back steps or the common entrance in the front that mostly for emergencies and to pay my rent.

There was an area off the street to park but no use of the garage. Sandra repeated it enough that it was for rent until she could sell it and move hopefully early in the summer. But each time she reiterated that. She said it would be a sad move for the girls and her. Finally, I said, “Is that true even with the apartment being rented and with me cutting the grass and in winter removing the snow?”

She was going to rent the apartment for $7oo hundred dollars per month. I said, “It would be worth it to me to pay $850/month as well as help as I suggested.”

Sandra smiled, “I could give you a renewable fifteen-month lease if it was $900 plus the yard work. It is also okay if you were planning to use my riding mower the snow blower attachment.”

I would have to allow her most of the week to draw up the rental agreement. It would also require me to have renter’s insurance and a thousand dollar deposit.

It was well worth it as I considered it a god send after my experience in the morning. I went back up to the apartment to take some measurements and to consider what I needed.

Sandra allowed my girls to play with her children, two girls and a boy the youngest was six and the oldest was close to being eleven. Upon my getting my children and go home, Sandra asked, “Would it be okay if my children called you Aunt Dara when you’re dressed as Dara and Mr. Martin when it’s Heath who is showing himself?”

Sandra was forthright in saying. “If you become someone drastically different and unsavory, I will cancel the lease quickly. I know you have rights but this is my home and I put my family first.”

I said, “That label of being unsavory could come from any of your neighbors being uncomfortable with a trans-woman in the neighborhood. How can I be certain, you won’t be quickly changing your mind when others say the smallest of things?”

Sandra said, “I and my husband were very open-minded and I’m not changing now. After all, you’re helping to make it possible that we continue to live here.”

I called and told Nera that we were leaving Cove Center and give her a rough time when we’d be home. We ended up meeting them at a well-known diner over in Flemington, though I was not invited to sit with them and the children.

That was okay with me as I wanted to call Cortney and tell her how things were going. I used my wireless to check some things and the wages for a full-time Conservation Ranger was decent. I checked other sites for possible jobs and had a few leads to pursue starting tomorrow.

I called Cortney driving home after supper out. I continue to worry that Cortney is going to change. She sounds tired but it was because her work was demanding and she had two clients going through traumatic times in their life.

Cortney wanted to meet me half way the following night and to stay together. Actually, I’d be traveling over thirty miles closer to her place. The distance, however, wasn’t too much. It would cut into my time getting ready to move, job searching and helping with my girls. Come morning I was planning to cancel my meeting with Cortney. But after a phone call from my mother, I was convinced I needed to keep my time with Cortney.

I would spend the morning and a half the afternoon as Heath. My daughters were happy to see me as Dad, though Katy asked why I was in the same room as Aunt Dara. Teresa helped to explain it and Katy was comfortable that her sister understood. I’m not really sure she did.

I had posted my job search online and with two headhunter groups. By the statements and questions of one group, I withdrew my search through them.

I met some people for coffee as I’ve done for three years. They were amazed by my pictures of me. But they asked me who was fixing the pictures Nera or me. Two of our pictures were the same yet noticeably different. Fortunately, Myrt, one of the coffee group, was at the same café the day before for lunch. And she now recognized me from the day before. She said, “I saw this person yesterday and I can tell you she makes a good looking woman. You didn’t say hello to me then.”

I went back to my house come two thirty to change and head to meet Cortney. But I had received my third call from Nera’s clients. Each was trying to contact Nera and were told by someone, there were changes that would soon be fixed. The Conklin Group was one of those firms and they asked if I could take over their account that they were desparate. It was a tempting offer but one I refused. I did tell them I could help them tomorrow if they got permission from Nera. I was fairly sure what the problem was and it would be a relatively easy fix if it was what I expected.

I roughly knew the location Cortney said we could meet at but I had never been to Fiddler’s Lounge or knew it existed. It only advertised itself when business tapered off. Otherwise, its reputation was enough to keep customers coming in good numbers. It was women’s night which caused the number of women to swell and stay above forty percent of the customers.

We got a raised table that was small in width and the chairs high enough that each of us had to step up on a rung and quickly turn to sit. All the while I was worried about the hem of my skirt.

I could tell Cortney had been upset and had probably cried. She wasn’t going to say anything as she was set on having a good time. Finally, I asked, “Was it work or family that’s upsetting you?”

Trying to tell me, ‘It’s nothing,’ she broke and began to cry. Then one of her former clients was taken by another worker with seniority and last night the woman tried to take her life. Luckily the person had reached out to Cortney when she was unable to reach her present worker. But she had already sliced herself and taken pills.

Cortney called the 911 hotline, and thankfully it was an enhanced program. She gave them the client’s name and location and suggested the hospital that she should be taken to. Cortney had reached the client after the emergency people.

Cortney’s parents had become angry with her when she would not stay on the phone with them, while she was responding to the emergency. Our drinks came along with some finger food. I was now one of Cortney‘s BFF on a whole new level of the relationship. We danced together and after two dances, two gentlemen cut in asking for dances. Cortney’s wink and taking her guy steps away from said, ‘go for it.’

This, however, wasn’t an LGBT pub, and my guy was six-three and buff. If what he said was true he was upper-level research for IBM. He had the fragrance of musk and that of a well-groomed man. If I were looking this would be a nice find.

Max and Davis followed us back to our table and paid for our next drinks and some clams. When it came time to use the women’s room, we excused them with a not so subtle thanks, but time to move.

When they were still there we change and sat in the corner so Cortney could vent some more. Cortney had two more calls: one from the worker who took over her client. Cortney now insisted the client Sally was hers once again. Cortney wasn’t sure if she would be fired. The second call from her boss settled that. The co-worker was out and the client was now hers and the psychiatrist.

We decided to end the night out, and I would sleep over so she wasn’t alone. We were there for each other but it was a quiet night of us being just close and cozy.

Come morning I checked and had two messages. Sandra had my lease and she was eager to get it formalized. Nera was hoping I’d be back in time to pick up our children and ready to watch them tonight.

I quickly called both of them. Sandy was glad to hear I would stop by and sign the agreement.

Nera was surprised about my getting calls from her clients. She didn’t know Elva had forwarded her business calls to her own phone. The fact they were put on hold was even too much for Nera. What would come of it wasn’t my problem. I wouldn’t be saddened if Elva was sent packing, but no way did I want Nera back.

I did go and fix the mess with the Conklin Group. They were more than a little surprised to meet Dara. Happy with her capabilities, they wanted me as their representative.

Come two o’clock I arrived and Sandra’s house, where we shared cups of tea and signed our agreement. Sandra said she was surprised, “I can’t believe I just opened up to you like you’re an old girlfriend. I know I wouldn’t have done that even with my brother or father. Even Paul would draw the line comes to my cramp issues.”

When I got home, I found out Nera’s plans had changed. She was still going out, just not with Elva. Unfortunately, they would be back together by noon the following day.

I would move my belongings to the Cover Center apartment and then go see my parents with the girls. Supposedly, Nera and Elva were taking the weekend to arrange their priorities and plan the future.

When I asked if her customers were taken care of, Nera’s only reply was, “It wasn’t your business any longer.”

Frustrated after asking what I could have for my apartment and getting no answer. I made decisions on my own. I took the 42” TV now in the basement, the bed from the guest room, my stuffed chair and two extra chairs for the kitchenette.

Nera and I both were surprised by the number of clothes I collected as Dara. True enough much was purchased this past weekend. But I also had a beautiful bra and several skirts Nera had discarded over the past two years. Two I offered back, but she really didn’t want them and declined my offer.

Upon taking my bed and furniture over to my Cove Center apartment, I asked Sandra about having a girlfriend stopping over.

Sandra’s reply was, “I only rented to you. I’d like that she would come some day during the weekend and we could visit. I’d rather you not rush into anything nor for you to do it in spite of your wife.”

I decided to apply for the Conservation Education position. It covered three conservation districts. It was a state position with a federal grant covering half of my salary and the position’s five-year budget.

I was going to pick up the girls and pack up their things for a weekend at my parents their grandparents.

Cheresse and Sonja greeted me at KinderCare. We talked about how the girls were doing. Cheresse would be moving up to the next level in two weeks. Sonja, they said was hard to read, but probably have some problems. They weren’t sure if it was us her parents or something about another child who left their center. There were reports in their letters going home. Cheresse and her co-worker were happy it was me who picked up the girls. Nera is the one who usually gets defensive hearing news from there.

I called my parents and got my Mom to confirm our coming for the weekend. She was excited to see her granddaughters. She asked if I was going to talk to my father about a new hardware store.

I did plan to do that, though I didn’t see how it could work. A call was coming in so I put my mother on hold.

“Hello Dr. Casandra,” I answered as Dara. I could tell she was pleased.

She said, “I can see you in two weeks unless there is an emergency.”

“Not any sooner than that,” I asked?

Casandra Youngblood said, “I’m booking six weeks out. And it’s me and not my secretary you’re talking to, is that important enough for you. I’m glad that I’ll be seeing you again and that you sound ready to move forward. We’ll take enough time to make sure you don’t rush into something else unknowingly.”

I took the appointment and thanked her. She wants to know the basic information of what brought this about before our appointment. She also requested I see another Doctor if I was serious about transitioning. Her Sharon her Secretary would text me with the name and information…

Story to be continued...

Dara hadn’t finished packing for her daughters but she needed to pick them up from daycare. She picked them up and went back home. The girls were excited about going to their grandparents Martin. Especially for several days. They had not done that since Katy had been born. Nera’s excuse was the girls needed to be home in their own beds.

Dara had text Cortney and told her, she would be at her folks for a long weekend. Dara said, “You're invited to come Saturday and even be there Sunday, but I’ll need to ask you to stay at a motel. I’ll pay for it, but I need to take it slow especially for my girls.”

Cortney said back, “First do it for you and what’s good for your daughters. I will be there Saturday and then we’ll decide about Sunday. We had already agreed to take it slow. And I don’t want you presuming things about us already.”

It was still afternoon when Dara left to be ahead of the rush hour traffic. This time his Sister Grace would be there solidifying preparations for the Anniversary celebration now only two weeks away.

Teresa asked during the drive there, “Daddy is your girlfriend Corky going to come?”

Dara said, “Her name is Cortney. She’s going to try to come Saturday, but she’s not staying at Grammy’s. Is that alright with you?”

“Yes, Katy and I were hoping to see her. She looked nice but we don’t really know if she is.” Katy hums in agreement with Teresa. Teresa says, “I’m going to tell Cortney she can call me Teri.”

Once we’re into the town where my parents live; we drive passed Dad’s old hardware store. Hardware store’s name of Martin hanging there as part of the now Pleasant Point – Martin Hardware N’ More. The store had already been packed before the ‘More was added. We park in back as usual and the girls rush in to find Grandpa. They weren’t quite sure of where they were going as its rows were different. But they yelled for Grandpa and followed his voice when he yelled back.

I greeted Chuck Mueller and his teenage son Brant, the new owner. Complimented on their owning the store and how it looked. I could tell Chuck was not comfortable with my being there. One customer a Ms. Roberts, recognized me.

She said, “I wouldn’t have recognized you or the girls if your father hadn’t told me about the change. I’m sorry about things at home that’s too bad. And I’m not quite sure about you as Dara. But I’m glad you present yourself and our girls well. I wasn’t sure what to expect.”

“Thanks, Ms. Roberts, I appreciate you being open-minded. How’s your husband and family?”

She says, “Since his stroke, I’m relying on your Dad and the places I shop at more. It’s sad to see your father selling his store. Connie is going to be home in two weeks for the holiday and to go with us to your folks’ celebration. They’re smart in celebrating forty now. I now wished Jim and I did that. One or both of us might be in the care center by our fiftieth.”

Dad interrupts me, “How about I send the supplies your sister wants a home with you? You and I can talk more after dinner.” Dad thought he needed to carry everything and in light of being a woman. Being responsible for the girls, he was right.

I pulled into our driveway following a car from York, Pennsylvania. It was unusual when I said, “Hello Sis!” as Grace exited her car. She said, “And hello to you Sis. It is nice to see you but only a little bit of a surprise.”

I’m holding Katy as we hug and Katy latches us on, saying, “Hi Aunt Grace. Do you like Daddy as a sister?” When Grace affirms she does, Katy and Teresa almost in unison say, “We do too.”

Mom is out and taking in Teresa. I have our two luggage pieces and Grace’s smaller bag. Grace had taken Katy. It takes me three trips to get everything, including Grace’s supplies from the store.

Mom’s dinner table will look like a big Sunday meal use to. It won’t be fancy as she’s baking a meatloaf so Katy can eat what we were eating. There’s a salad for us and gelatin for the girls, along with two vegetables and mash potatoes with gravy. She tells us, this is in place of Sunday dinner which will be at the dinner over at Sea Bay.

I excused myself before Dad got home and we had dinner. I went to my old pharmacy there where I had the prescription for my Testosterone blocker. I hadn’t realized it started with a shot and then the pills. Deidra a pharmacist, a little older than me, gave the shot. She showed permission with instructions from my Psychiatrist. It was in a room off discretely for such purposes. I was surprised at how helpful it was to have Deidra visit with me as well as giving me the shot. She said, she would be happy to take care of all my medications. In fact, she stressed it would be good for me to have someone who could hold me accountable.

“I know the general medication they use for transitioning. Too many of you push for getting your stereotypical results. My interest is for you to get real results that take time when done in a healthy manner.”

I wasn’t sure about having her watching over me, but I knew I could change my mind and go elsewhere. She gave me her card, suggesting I check back when things begin to feel unusual.

I was back for dinner and Dad would soon be down from taking a shower. It was unusual as Grace and Mom both allowed me to take responsibility for both my girls. Mom nicely told me that would happen again tomorrow when Cortney was here. Grace was more direct. “Your girls already have one parent in their life who is not consistent in taking care of the girls. I will kick your buns if you start to do the same. These girls are not to be objects in your struggles with your soon to be Ex.”

She wants me to share a room with her tonight and the girls to sleep in the next room over.

I changed Katy and had her ready for bed, knowing my father wanted to talk to me about the hardware business. He had called the corporate hardware office who he was aligned with. He said, “They’re in agreement that if Chuck takes his business with another company they’ll work with you here. They’d be open to talking to you about one near Cove Center with the business being out next to the highway. They said, “They’re starting to build more between Flemington and Somerville.”
He asked, “Do you know Martina Smithey?”

“Yeah, she was a wail of an athlete but didn’t go to college as everyone wished.”

Dad says, “They say she’s more of a Tomboy and went and got her associate degree in small engine mechanics. She’s been working for them for two years in various stores and she wants to be in business back there.”

It all was interesting enough, I even knew a hobbled up construction man who could be good with a lumberyard. I did like the idea of working in a conservation job. Working with the government would mean a regular check with decent pay and benefits.

Dad said he would come my way after their anniversary celebration and trip. He’d have the VP Associate for New Jersey and Pennsylvania with him. I was to check land prices and banking options.

We drove by the site Dad was thinking for me in town if I wanted to start the hardware store there. It was a better sight on a busy road… Well, why worry about that is I strongly leaned to the Cover Center site if I got serious.

I took time to read to my girls before getting them to bed. Grace came in and asked if I had brushed out the girls’ hair. She actually had an index card of things I needed to be doing and watching for. I brushed each girls’ hair; Katy’s only a short time as it wasn’t as long or thick. Teresa’s hair was a different story. It is long and thick. It did have a few areas it helped by brushing it out.

My sister Grace was brushing out my hair part at the same time. She said I was treating my hair much like I had as Heath. “Your hair shouldn’t be treated the same as a boy having long hair. There should be more care and time taken with it. Let your daughters get to sleep and we can talk more in our room.”

I was surprised that Grace wanted to see me change and didn’t mind that I’d see her. Though I wasn’t comfortable with seeing my sister. She said, “By the ease, you have in changing I am sure you’ve had plenty of practice before this past week.”

She had caught me once trying on her clothes when I was a young teen. “Mom asked me more than once if I thought you were more of a girl. I thought that was because of the contrast between you and Rick. Now Mom tells you were in more of my old clothes when you went through a rough time in high school.”

I told her, “I tried to stop liking to be a girl. I tried especially hard and thought I had after Teresa was born. But when she was two pretty girls clothes were given to her and Nera’s figure went back to normal I knew I wasn’t going to change. I then got into Community Theater and did a stage rendition of “Some Like It Hot.” I was cast in Jack Lemmon’s role. It wasn’t as funny as the movie but I enjoyed that we wore nice women’s clothing as Jack had requested in the movie.”

I did not know that Grace and Cortney already talked on the phone.

When I woke in the morning I was studious in getting the girls ready for the day and helping with their breakfast. But when Cortney showed up at 9:30, everything change and Cortney and Grace insisted we work on the anniversary preparations only until noon. “We and your daughters are going to take you shopping for business and everyday clothes for Dara.”

The girls had rested in the morning. I was sure it wouldn’t work and they would be grouchy by mid-afternoon.

Teresa said, “Daddy, women aren't always dressed as nice as you are. Dara needs to dress so you can have fun with us and do the cleaning.” Katy said, “You need be a good w’oll model for us. You need to pwaktis that.”

Grace even had me try on a woman’s pair of overalls. It was hard for me to relax and enjoy being a good looking like a woman in this pink version. They were nothing like what a guy would wear. But while they were attractive and fashionable they were also something I could wear if I had a hardware business.

“Daddy, could you own a building store like Grandpa?” Both my sister and Cortney smiled muttering. “It looks like Dara has at least one girl that looks outside the box.”

Cortney then asked, “Grace, do you want the girls to yourself for a little while to spoil them?” Grace took the girls and we took my new purchases back to the car. Soon the shopping was done and we could leave.

I got into the car and Cortney told me the direction via her GPS, but we ended up in front of a discrete medical supply store. I thought it was funny until Cortney said, “Let’s go in and see what they specialize in. I think it’s about time for you to get something here.”

I wasn’t really listening but was just following Cortney. It looked more like an office than a medical supply store. Marne came out asking if one of us were Dara. With that, I turned to Cortney and she said, “Let’s go with her and let her explain some things.”

Cortney introduced herself and Marne said, “You’re the one who called them and set up the consultation. Good, I am glad to meet the two of you. Dara, did I hear correctly that you have some family as well as Cortney supportive in you possibly transitioning?”

I look at Cortney with an understanding in fact, that I do have supportive people around me. Marne says, “Well it’s not unusual for your transitioning team to want you to live as a woman before making any permanent decisions.” With that, she went on to introduce me to professional quality breast forms and vagina gaffs. They also had hip pads if I wanted them.

The ideas and images were all pleasing to me. The breast forms and the vagina gaff would allow me to look and function as a woman. Other than needing to be washed more thoroughly and discretely shaven; it was more exciting than embarrassing. The hip extensions I could do without at least for now.

Cortney had graciously excused herself. I was surprised that Marne could help me without my getting excited down below. She would order both a gaff and breast forms looking more exactly like my surrounding skin. I was allowed to wear home ones the size and style I had ordered.

Whenever I tried to talk about the costs. Marne put that off until near the end. I had seen some prices but I could not remember which went with what. Prices and the quality caused them to range quite a bit.

Finally, with the forms I liked in place, Marne had me dress in my clothing to see how it all felt and looked being clothed. She said, “I can have your forms done and here in two to four weeks. If you want a second set of each, I can give you a substantial saving on the two sets in comparison to the one set.”

I was happy to see how I looked in my clothing through my bra was much fuller in holding my modest C size breasts. When Marne told me, “Your second set will cost you, $1,165 with taxes all included.” She informed me that Cortney and my sister had already taken care of the initial cost.

I am fairly good at math so I knew the total cost must be around three thousand dollars. I quickly spoke up, “That means they’d be paying over $1,800 dollars. I can’t allow that.”

Marne calmly asks, “Can you financially handle your amount?” When I said, “Yes.” She said, “Their amount is well below their upper range. I would suggest you agree to it before I call them in to see you. Or we could call them in and see what can be agreed upon.”

There’s a knock on the office door and Cortney’s asking, “Can we come in and let your daughters see you?” It was more of a statement than a question. I lifted Katy onto my lap and Teri said, “You look different somehow, but I don’t know what.” Katy says, “I do, she feels more like mommy.” Katy is patting my breasts. Teri smiles, indicating she’s happy.

I did sign the agreement and paid half of my costs now. We left there and went to a Sonoma store where I was fitted with two pretty bras. I was delighted to see the look and feel of different bras I could wear. I was also surprised how pretty some were while not being good for me.

The girls had eaten at a hamburger place, but I was happy to hear they ate to children’s chicken meal with a fruit packet.

It was four thirty when we got back to our parents’ house. Mom smiled, “Say you look better and this will help your daughters become more comfortable with this side of you.”

Dad had pushed the furniture to the middle of the living room. “I painted the ceiling so you three can paint the room after you change into work clothes.”

My daughters napped as Cortney and I painted the room. We let Grace work with our mother in rolling silverware with napkins and boxed for the reception. I was enjoying the difference I was feeling painting the living room as a woman. I could feel my breasts move and my arms needing to adjust for the difference.

My sister came in at one point and asked if it felt like I thought it might as a woman. I told her, “I wasn’t sure what it would feel like, but I like the difference. If I decide to run a hardware store. This should help me appreciate what it takes for more of my customers.”

Cortney and I went up to the mostly vacant boardwalk to talk and walk. I was impressed as she told me that my new woman parts didn’t come with any strings attached. Though I swore I would eventually repay her and my sister either way. She said, “The first such payment and we will be history.”

We had pizza and a casual time around the kitchen.

Cortney wanted me to stay with her at the hotel. But my first responsibility had to be with Katy and Teresa. I wasn’t sure, but Cortney might have been testing me.

I checked my phone when putting my daughters to bed and there was a message from Nera. I thought that was nice that she was checking on our girls. I was disappointed as Nera wrote, “You need to get back right away and do a service call on Herculean Industries. The plant here is shut down, but they need the computer system up before they can start on Monday morning.”

I text back, “Don’t you remember telling me, ‘I don’t work for you and it’s none of my business? I am here until at least three tomorrow. It would be at least 6:00 in the evening before I could even get there. My cost to you would be $100/hr. plus expenses. I am not sure you or they have any needed parts if they’re needed.”

I thought, “Wentworth might be your best way to go. I am not sure they would figure the system in time and not make problems worse. You would need to go with me, as Dara doesn’t have clearance for their security to get in the building.”

I go back to get the girls ready for bed and send them down to give goodnight kisses. Their grandma carries Katy up with Teresa following. She wanted to help tuck them in and say prayers with them. They told her, they were sad that their mother texts me without saying hello to them. They were unhappy, telling their Grandma. Our mother was wanting us to come home now. But was told we’d leave here no earlier than 3:00 tomorrow afternoon.

My mother talked to me after we left them so they could go to sleep. “Dara, I know you’re the one who is feeling the brunt of all this. But I need to tell you: Continue to remember that your daughters will and should always love their Mom. They need to know from you that you love them. Just as important that you won’t use them to hurt her nor them.”

“Are you somehow saying I should help Nera tomorrow?”

Mom’s expression didn’t show anything, but she did say, “Presently you don’t have any income coming in, so helping her wouldn’t hurt you. And there’s wisdom about keeping someone who could be a problem where you can watch them.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I grin, “You can give me some mother-daughter advice. You didn’t do that when I was growing up.” Once downstairs Grace asks about the advice mom didn’t give to me. Everyone laughed.

Cortney and I went to be alone so we could have some private time. It was an opportunity for me to be affectionate and supportive of her. Her job had improved some since she spoke up for a client.

I could tell she enjoyed the attention I was giving her. She affectionately giggles saying she needed to get to the hotel before she started to make love to me. I was also getting near the point I wouldn’t be able to stop my desires.

I hadn’t planned on going to church. I do believe and have a strong faith. But especially here at our family’s home church, I worried about how people would respond to my becoming a woman.

Mom was set that we were going to church, but not without feelings for me. She told me, “You need not be afraid, God already knows who you are and loves you. If you can face God, facing others should not be that hard. You know, we love you and I expect most of the members do. Those who don’t will need help to understand.”

I forgot it would be Palm Sunday and the attendance was a good number though more would probably be there come Easter. My dress was very nice and came to just above my knees. I was especially proud of how nice my girls looked and they were comfortable with me going to church as a woman.

Since we’re fairly well known, many were surprised to hear I was another daughter. My Mom was the first to begin saying Heath their son planning to transition to become Dara their daughter.

Like most parents, I was happy to hear compliments on how well I was doing in raising my daughters. Grace was the first who defended me to others. Only one of which was a longtime friend to our family.

My daughters went up for the children’s time and Teresa did quite well in answering a question. The church has progressed with the times and now had a blend of traditional and contemporary music.

After the service, their Associate Pastor Jennifer Keyes introduce herself. She already met me and simply greeted me saying. “Did I hear your name is now Dara Martin? Please know you are special to us and I’d be pleased to be your pastor in any way that might be helpful.” We talked and she knew the next time I was here I would be busy with my parents anniversary. But then or any time she’d be happy to have a chance to visit with me.

I conveyed in return that she probably wouldn’t understand how important that would be to me. She gave me her calling card with all of her basic contact information. This was a time I was thankful to have a purse to put such things.

It was a delightful day and after going out to eat, we enjoyed a nice walk on the boardwalk. Mom and Grace knew the areas it was okay to walk with heels. I was nervous when we met another couple that knew me and Grace when we were growing up. Tricia and Ted were good friends and grew in love after they returned from college.

Ted wasn’t sure how to react to me and as Tricia said, “I’m surprised, but I can’t say completely. It looks like being a young woman agrees with you quite well. Now I am happy for you that you always took after your mother and sister in having finer slender features.”

It was 1:30 p.m. when we got to my parents and packed the car to leave. My mother commented, “For not being on hormones yet I am surprised you have been becoming quite emotional.”

“Mom, I have always been quite emotional. I just don’t feel pressured to suppress them.” Mom teared up and started to apologize because she hadn’t known what it put me through it…

To be continue…

We had left Pt Pleasant an hour early and made good time in travelling home. I asked Nera, “Do we have an agreement about me helping you tonight at the Herculean Industries Plant?”

First she commented on my looking more feminine, saying, “I can’t believe it you are already taking hormones.”

“Not true, but what I’m doing is not your concern. So tell if I’m helping or I’ll leave and call it a night.”

“Yes, you’re helping me so get whatever you need and let’s get going.”

Dara says, “I’ll get what I need but give me time to change into other clothes. You can pick me up at 301 Hawthorn Ave, Cove Center in forty-five minutes after I leave here.” With that I picked up some parts meant for that computer system. Nera had gone with cheap imitations instead.

I went home put some leggings under a skirt outfit. It was too likely I would ruin hose. I knocked at Jodie’s door and told her I was back but would be leaving soon and back very late. She only asked if I could be quiet when I drove in.

I told her Nera was coming to pick me up as I was doing an emergency job for her. She was the one who asked if it was the large Herculean Plant. She was afraid for some of her friends were going to be out of work tomorrow if things weren’t fixed.

I was upstairs still changing when Nera dove up to the house and walked toward my stairs. I heard Nera greeted by Jodi and that they were talking. I didn’t know what they talked about, but I did hear Jodi go back into the house and the door slammed behind her.

I was on my way down the back stairs when Nera opened the door at the bottom of the steps. I said, “You’re early, but did I hear correctly that you met Jodi, my landlady?”

All Nera would say at that point was, “Get in the car and let’s get going.” I needed to get the parts and some of my information out of my car. Taking my time, I knew was frustrating my wife. ‘It is hard to believe how much has changed in such a short time. She is still my wife, but it feels like we’ve been separated for a long while and already divorce. How relaxed I am is amazing.’

The first few minutes of our drive, Nera told me how I had fooled Jodi and that she defended me. From the sounds of it, Jodi tried to sympathize with Nera having a husband who so drastically changed. But when Nera said she was going to let people know how perverted I am. Jodi asked her to please leave that to the divorce court. Nera said, “If there are ramifications for you for having him living here. That will be your problem. I’m only telling you in hope that you will kick him out tomorrow.

“I am only using him tonight because I’m in a bind.” Jodi tried to defend me at that point and that was when Jodi stormed back into the house.

I was happy riding in her car as it was newer and more comfortable. Nera and I talked about our girls. That they had an enjoyable weekend with their grandparents and even behaved in church.

She couldn’t believe I took them to church. She asked many questions I decided not to answer. There was no way I would tell her about work-business possibilities.

Instead, I told her, “You know you’re going to need some good people working for you. One to cover the needs of your clients and needed changes. And another one or two to handle the office work and help with sales. Hopefully, the second could train more workers as you clients’ needs demand.”

She laughed it off, saying, “You’re over rating your importance.” I did remind her I had been saying it since the turn of the year. It was actually longer, but she said it wasn’t more than a two weeks ago.

It took over a forty minutes to get there with Nera having driven fast. The security guard took a picture of me and my contact information. The security was appropriate for some of the projects they were working on.

The guard noted that one of my phone numbers was the same as Heath’s. Well that took longer than expected to explain.

My analyzing the problem was what I expected and more. I could tell someone took the system going down as an opportunity to hack into their system. I had put any such attempts on a wild goose chase. It would be next to impossible for them to locate the point where they went outside the system. There were also several places they had to identify themselves. Even bogus information gives some information about the hacker.

Nera did take some notes of what I found. She is a very sharp programmer and systems developer. She quickly identified my replacement parts as what should have been original equipment. I even put more of their machines on line. We had designed our system to keep up with their growth.

It was three a.m. when I made notes that would go to three people. The Administrator over this plant and its offices. Their IT man and their regional VP. I wasn’t intending to get anyone in trouble. Hopefully no one would lose their job, but someone turned off their systems security. If the hacking was an inside job or other things were taken. Well their analyses should be able to detect and handle that.

It took over an hour for their systems and the plant to come back on-line. The security people called us, making sure it was as expected. Going back out to through the plant, we could tell their skeleton crew were on top of things. Harvey Wall did ask about some new lights on in their large panel.

He was delighted to hear: it would give them added capacity that would be needed when production was increased in a month or two.

It was nine thirty before I was up and around in the morning. I figured my bill for working as well as the added costs. Several items were from my inventory. I charged 115% of their costs. Nera usually charges 112-125% depending on what she decided.

I was over at the courthouse checking plat-maps for properties I might be interested in, near the interstate. I observed Nera and her lawyer in two other offices.

I was pretty sure one was to file for a divorce. It wasn’t surprised, but it did hurt. I got out of the courthouse before she filed a request for the property to go into her name. I knew that was not going to be permitted today. She either needed my signature or a court decision to accomplish that. Her lawyer had been our lawyer.

I contacted a good friend to help get needed information on financing for a potential my project. I also contacted a new lawyer I would meet in the near future. Scott Hadley, the lawyer, I would see on Thursday.

Come three in the afternoon I happened to meet Dean Proctor, at his coffee stop. I was dressed as Heath, but he heard of my other identity and asked if it were true. He chuckled when I said it was. He chuckled even more when I talked about the project I was thinking of.

He chuckled, “It’s a funny time for you to get the balls to consider such a project.” But we talked or dreamed of such a project. He liked the idea of developing a franchise that had a big name behind it. He said, “Between my knowing the other contractors and construction. You knowing the hardware business and an identifiable name: it could work real well. But we better not get too late a start and let someone get established before us.”

I said, “Good thinking. So do you think, you’d be willing to partner with me on this?”

While things would move ahead, it was outside of the general public’s knowledge. I was moving on with my life.

Thursday, my meeting with Scott Hadley by new lawyer, went well. We waited to receive my divorce notice and put things after I separated from what Nera could claim as part of the marriage. Likewise, we documented the known assets of Nera’s. I smiled handing over information of her assets that she thought I didn’t know of. I’m sure some of it she won’t report thinking I don’t know about them.

It might not be kosher, but I have over thirty five thousand dollars in my parents’ names. It was determined shortly after I changed to formally working for my wife that the marriage was fragile and I was at my wife’s mercy.

Come Thursday evening Nera showed up at my third floor apartment. Her purpose was twofold: She had part of my pay for Sunday’s emergency job. The second was to hand me my divorce notice. She had the audacity of giving me a contract for my assistance in serving her customers. The terms were $35.00 per hour and approved expenses. We argued for a while before I cut the discussion off. I said, “You already know my terms except that I will now demand half the estimated payment up front and to be paid in full within three days of completion.”

Suddenly her demeanor changed and she now sounded like a caged tiger. “I was going to offer you time and a half to help install the new system for Ballard Liquid Systems.”

I remarked, “You probably think that is very gracious from a woman who just served me divorce papers?”

Nera said, “I separate out business from personal matters. And yes, I think it is a more than adequate offer. You can have until noon tomorrow to let me know your answer.”

“You don’t have to wait, my answer to your offer and terms is no. I do not want to receive any offer for another twenty four hours. Nor do I want any offers lower than the terms I’ve shared with you.

“I will let you have the children this weekend, but I will be wanting to take them next weekend to their grandparents’ anniversary celebration. It has been on the calendar at the house for a month now.”

I had heard from neighbor friends that Elva and her car were now permanent fixtures at the house.

I had called Cortney during the week but we decided I needed time to myself to process what was happening in my life. We did talk after I received the divorce papers. She knew I was despondent and she was willing to keep me company. Instead I went out to eat alone at night. Sometimes as Dara and once had I two drinks which was my limit decided years ago.

It was Easter Sunday morning when Cortney gave me a surprise call. “Why don’t we meet me at Snuffy’s Steakhouse for dinner around 1:30? That gives us both time to go to church and be there without a big rush.”

I knew of Snuffy’s by reputation and roughly where it was. As Cortney hoped it would be Dara meeting her.

Once we were there; Cortney confided that she went to church that morning. I didn’t know I was to be surprised. She told me it had been years since she had gone to church on her own. She had gone to a lively church where friends said she’d be accepted. She had made some friends including Carmen. She felt the need to tell me Carmen would just be a friend.

There’s a glow about Cortney that warmed my spirit. I like the outfit she was wearing. It was definitely brightened with the colors of spring. It caught the blue of her eyes and the energy of her personality. There was a fragrance that was subtle and begged me to come closer. But there was more, there’s a spirit that’s connecting us. We find things in the other person that we identify with.

I do not see myself gifted in working with people and their problems like Cortney. What she does holds me in wonder; I love being there for her.

Cortney asks, “Is tomorrow your appointment with an endocrinologist?”

“I am to have an appointment with Grace’s old gynecologist Dr. Amanda Mueller for a physical so she can get base lines on my system. She or an associate will help me to know what changes I might expect. And then I will meet with Dr. Steven Gould the endocrinologist. I was hoping to meet with Dr. Cheryl and I guess sometime I will have appointments with her.”

We stay at the restaurant for after dinner drinks giving us a longer visit. Cortney did ask me, “Are you going to stay someplace tonight so you won’t have a long distance to travel to get to your early appointment?”

“I’m thinking about it. I even packed an overnight bag with an extra outfit for tomorrow just in case.”

Cortney has a gleam in her eyes, “I know where there are a number of good hotels between here and your doctors. We could stay at one of those places. I will go to work in the morning and you to your appointments. But we will have tonight.”

The evening together was wondrously beautiful. Cortney was first up to our room and sought to catch Dara off guard. The room light was off and music was playing from the bathroom, where Dara assume Cortney was. Cortney came from behind Dara partially covering her eyes. “Stop right there my pretty!”

“I want to see what you are hiding under this pretty dress.” Dara is required to slowly remove one piece of clothing after another. Cortney comments about Dara’s deceiving looks. “How are you to make love as a woman with me?” I make a sultry turn and begin to take off my clothes allowing them to drop to the floor. My blouse was first and then I loosen my skirt until it shimmies down my legs falling around my ankles. I turn my back to her and lift my hair saying, “A little help please?” My bra is unhooked and I turn back toward her saying, “Thank you.” I have brushed the straps off of my shoulders as I hold the bra in place until it is ready to fall. It is only when I push down my panty and stand back up, can she see. I have my vagina gaff on and come across totally as a woman.

It is then that I begin undressing her. I soon have undone her dress and as it falls to the floor, I hold it. It is low enough for her to step out of it. It is a very nice dress and I don’t want it ruined. I sit on the edge of a chair with her directly in front of me. A hand is high and between her legs. I know she’s surprised by my actions and now finds herself already getting excited. But I can tell she’s also nervous. I suspect because she is not in control as she expected to be. I unsnap her stockings from the garter and help to unroll them down her legs.

When she reached to help undress herself, I softly coo, “Oh no, I am quite capable and I like that the table has been turned.” I slid her panty off and unhooked her bra. I take off everything including hair pins, a bracelet and a decorative ring. She is left wearing only a pendant necklace. I smile at her saying this is very beautiful in its setting.”

I have taken the bed comforter off the bed as well as the bulky extra blanket. Pillows are tossed to where our heads will be. I bring her down and having her lay on her back. I move down along side of her. The lights are now dim and we gracefully begin to touch one another. I nibble on her breasts and suckle enough to arouse her more.

We soon entwine, I have massaged very gently a variety of erogenous areas. Her body has a gleaming coat of moisture reflecting in the little light there is. She is moaning as we continue and she is approaching her first orgasm. I am holding gently pressing against me as the orgasm brings her to song. I begin with my body rubbing against hers and we are now two unmistakable women moving in rhythm with one another.

She has moved and become passionate to me. “O Darling, I am ever so sorry I teased you. O I love you woman.”

It was late before we put on our negligees. The soft silky touch of one another helped us to drift asleep as we clung to one another.

Cortney was awake before me and partially dressed. She handed me a cup of coffee as I was getting up. She said, “Please make sure you shower well. You do not want to shout to the nurses and doctor and tell them what we did last night.”

I asked, “Do you think that Dara is woman enough?”

“You’re mean, but just remember there will be paybacks. I did so very much enjoy how you reacted and took control of us though. …It was the most beautiful night we have had thus far. Knowing with time we will do even better quite often.”

I took off my gaff, knowing it would be needed off for the exams today. We went to a nearby restaurant to get a good breakfast. It was early in the morning as Cortney needed to be away with an extra hour of driving. My drive was shorter in comparison but still a good forty minutes away in the morning traffic.

I get to the Women’s Clinic early enough to fill out all the papers before my appointment with Dr. Amanda. She is now in her mid-forties and has a good manner with patients. “So how is your sister and your nieces?” She is taking my blood pressure and lightly examining me. “You present yourself well as a woman. Please tell me why you are thinking you want to be a woman full time.”

I explain to her in depth, saying I had done some crossdressing for years.

She questioned if my desire, “Have you considered that the desire to become a woman grew out of your wife outing you? That your being a presentable woman has made you fantasize this is what you want?”

I said, “No, the ending of my marriage does give me the opportunity to become the woman who has been locked inside of me.”

Finally Dr. Amanda says, “I believe you but I am glad the transitioning takes time. Hopefully you will have worked through many things as you proceed ahead. I am willing for either myself or Dr. Gould or Dr. Cheryl to handle the hormones to be given. I am use to working with Cheryl but Dr. Steven Gould is very good as well. You will be in good hands.”

She had answered many of my questions. I needed to get to the next clinic and she had already taken extra time with me. She would be sending a short report and word that she was comfortable with me proceeding ahead with a mild hormone therapy program. I guess she included her recommendation of what that might be.

Dr. Steven Gould had me scheduled ten minutes before 2:00 p.m. as most of his patients were women. He was not sure how I would present myself, nor how much if any I would look like a woman or a man. I had blood tests taken with Dr. Amanda, but that didn’t stop Dr. Gould ordering his own as well as two more. He was the one requesting that I live 24/7 as Dara for the next six months. He wasn’t concerned with what that might mean regarding my divorce.

Before the end of the appointment he did have Dr. Cheryl come in and meet me. He asked us, “Would you two be comfortable being doctor and patient. I have no problem in being Dara’s Doctor, but I am thinking she may relax far better for you Cheryl.”

I say, “I know it’s probably just in my head, but I sometimes feel men laugh at the idea that I want to change. It is nothing against Dr. Gould; he has treated me fine. But yes, I think I would be more comfortable with you, Dr. Whittier.” She took a few minutes to check me and to read my case to date.

Dr. Cheryl started me on a low dosage of female hormones. And yes, they are as my Gynecologist recommended. I had a shot of it today and I’m to be back in two weeks. A blood sample is to be given two days before my appointment.

I stop over my folks for a discussion with Mom and later with Dad about connecting with the corporate people of his hardware group. An interesting twist is that they are considering moving close to me and downsize their home. But Dad doesn’t want an old house with inherited problems. He and I talk to Dean Proctor on the phone. Dad already had rough blueprints of what he wants.

Dean says, “Did you know that there’s seven acres of land attached to Jodi’s house behind it as what use to be old Myer’s farm. He says it would be an ideal spot for a developing eight to ten house addition to the community. Your folks could have their choice of lots. There already is speculation about a regional high school to replace three small school districts in our area. None of their buildings or grounds are capable of serving as a site.

The truth is my head is whirling with changes and possibilities. I close the night drinking hot tea with my mother. She has been reading up for me her new daughter. She is thinking of things that I had no idea to consider.

I did call up Nera to say goodnight to my girls at 8:00 p.m. Teresa and Katy went into length about their Easter. I listened with tears that I was not there. I was hugging my Mom as I listened. Mom voiced her thought that I would need them living close by if I wanted to give them a home life while getting a business started.

Nera talked to me at the end of the conversation with the girls. She needs my help to deliver on the expansion program of Ballard Liquid Control Systems. I will admit you have me in a bad position, so that I will meet your requirements.”

It will be a large project encompassing design and the proper equipment; us running our own lines and setting control terminals; and lastly the installation and bring the program on line. Nera says. “They want you in on the initial planning this Thursday. Can you do it? Davidson says, ‘If you not onboard we won’t get the project.’ And I want it, do you hear me.”

I said, “I can do the project but you and I will need to work out a reasonable divorce agreement with me. That is so we can move on yet work together. Plus you will need to get your head back into your business as well as for your family.”

Nera tried to say that couldn’t be part of the agreement and regularly I would have agreed. But I know both of us and neither one would work our best while in the midst of other conflicts between us.

One ray of hope, is that her friend Constance is now her growing love interest and Elva seems to be on the way out. I know Constance and have much more respect for her than I do for Elva. The truth is both Nera and myself should be taking our time in getting into new relationships. I’m not sure if either of us has the discipline to do so…

To be continued…

I apologize for taking to long to post. There will be at least one more chapter.
I told Nera I could meet with her and the company who was looking to expand their business as long as it was only for Thursday. Nera knew Friday I planned to take our children to my parents’ 40th Wedding Anniversary. I expected that she’d be planning that once I’m part of the meeting; I will also be there come Friday. I used to sacrifice myself for her in the past as I’m usually a workaholic and feel overly responsible for things. However that is no longer happening. She could stay around and get that stuff complete for a change.

My mother and I stayed up only a short time; we’d be up again early in the morning. Mother surprised me, saying, “Your sister Grace with be here by 10 this morning to go with you to your appointment with Dr. Mueller. I guess Grace made an appointment a half-hour after you, though I’m not sure why.

“I hope you will let her into your visit with Dr. Amanda. Your world is changing so fast Grace thought you should have someone in the family you can talk confidentially with, someone who knows what’s medically going on.”

Mom said, “And while you’re not an adolescent daughter. I would still like to be in mother/daughter conversations with you during your changes.

“Your brothers Rick and Pat will be here Friday; Pat says, he’ll support you through this coming weekend. He is not sure what to think about all that is happening. He was enough older than your sister and you to never really attached like you and Grace. Plus your Father doesn’t want you to tell him about the Hardware store possibility now.

Dara giggled at a memory that came to mind. “When I was ten, Rick came home and interrupted me playing with Grace’s makeup. I quickly used her lipstick like clown makeup. He thought I practiced making a clown face for Halloween.”

Mom interrupted Dara. “I’m not sure if he remembers that time, but you didn’t fool him. He talked to me later about that and he knew you were into Grace’s makeup. I guess he and cousin Leesha had tried something when he was twelve. It was just a phase for him so he didn’t think it was unusual.”

“Do you remember: there came a time when I wouldn’t let you in my room when I was changing? You were pouting for about a month and annoying your sister. She allowed you to wear her long nightshirts to play in her playhouse.”

Dara/Heath said, “I was the only boy she’d allow in there with her friends. She finally kicked me out for some reason.”

Mom said, “There we two times you couldn’t find her nightshirt and you went out there in some of her clothes. That was when you were supposed to stop pretending to be a girl. It was almost two years before I found out you were still sneaking into her stuff. That was way before Dad caught you.”

Pat, my oldest brother, on the other hand, was born to my parents before they were officially married at the church. They were married by a justice of the peace six months before he was born and two years later when they graduated from college. Pat was not accepting of my feminine side. He had beaten me twice. Once when he was back from the service and I was in one of my sister’s dresses.

The last time was five years ago when his wife Kathy was first sick with cancer. Pat had come back from deployment overseas a month ahead of schedule and unannounced. I wasn’t dressed as a woman but when he asked Kathy what we were talking about. “Don’t tell me you felt you could talk to him because he thinks he’s one of those girl/boys?”

Kathy said, “I talked to him because he listens and because he was nice enough to be here while you were to be away. Now leave him alone.

She gave him a hug and said, “I am so glad to have you home Pat!”

Pat left me alone until he invited me out that night to go for a drink with him. It was in some parking lot that he began kicking my butt again. I was supposed to return to his house and stay the night without complaining.

It was midnight when we returned to the house. I packed my things and left some twenty minutes later. It was only after Kathy’s cancer came back that we made up and became brothers for a time. I felt sorry for Pat he had so much with his family, but for over fifteen years he had trouble being at home with them. As far as I knew he never received help for all the things he had done or been through.

Mom and I went through a lot of memories. Things I did that Mom didn’t know about. There were a few times I was wrong in thinking she didn’t know. But it added up to how I and others denied or didn’t know I was a girl inside.

It also filled the time of Dad getting up and going to work and our waiting for Grace.

Grace arrived soon enough after nine that she was able to relax for a cup of tea. She was happy that I was willing for her as a big sis to go with me to the doctors.

My appointment went well and Dr. Amanda Mueller visited about increasing my therapy in conjunction with continuing my counseling. Grace and I visited over lunch after her appointment. I didn’t want to leave my daughters too long, but Grace said I needed to learn to take some important girl time. My visit with my sister was different from my being Dara. She affirmed what Dr. Mueller said about my emotions changing. She asked, “Have you noticed that you are becoming more maternal about Teri and Katy?” I wondered how she knew since she had not been around me enough to make observations.

I stop over my folks for more of a discussion with Mom and Grace. Later with Dad about connecting with the corporate people of his hardware group. An interesting twist is that my parents are considering moving close to me and downsize their home. But Dad doesn’t want an old house with inherited problems. He and I talk to Dean Proctor on the phone. And Dad already has rough blueprints of what he wants.

Dean Proctor said to us, “Did you know that there are seven acres of land attached to Jodi’s house, behind it. It’s what use to be old Myer’s farm. He says it would be an ideal spot for developing an eight to fourteen house addition to the community. Your folks could have their choice of lot size.”

Then I drove home to my apartment and called Nera to come and visit me about her project.

Once she was there, I said, “I can do the project but you and I will need to work out a reasonable divorce agreement. That is so we can move on yet work together. Plus you will need to get your head back into your business as well as being there for your daughters.”

Nera tried to say that couldn’t be part of the agreement and regularly I would have agreed. But I know both of us and neither one would work our best while in the midst of conflicts between us.

One ray of hope was that her friend Constance was now her growing love interest as Elva seems to be on the way out. I know Constance and have much more respect for her than I do for Elva. The truth is Nera and I should be taking our time before getting into new relationships. I’m not sure if either of us has the discipline to do so…

Finally, Nera gave in and said she and her lawyer had seen my proposal and that I was being reasonable. She was getting 60% of the monetary value of things and had three years to pay me the value of things she didn’t want to liquidate such as the house and some stock investments. The child support and my time with the girls were the remaining bones of contention we still needed to work out.

I was invited downstairs to eat with Jodi and her children. It was a simple dinner of spaghetti and bread. I brought down some lettuce and fixin’s to make a salad. Jodi was looking to talk with an adult, hopefully, a woman. We had a good night as Jodi didn’t often have a salad as it meant extra food and dishes. I was learning from Jodi about being a more active parent. She and the children had me sing some songs along with them that I might sing with my girls.

We talked about the property that was attached to hers. She hadn’t known about it as her husband insisted on handling things like that. Her next question, “Can that property help me get out from under? Her second question was, would that possibly be why my bank was rushing to foreclose on me?”

The answer to both was yes, but to prove and get the bank to change was another matter. I knew enough that she wouldn’t want to go to the state banking commission as her first move. The state is corrupt enough that justice and law might not prevail. I knew through my parents a retired state investigator. Jodi and I would call Dauber in the morning.

Tuesday I spent some time on various projects. Contacting Dauber for Jodi proved to be fruitful. A woman, who was wired, would soon contact the bank about available property. The vice-president of First Bank agreed to hand it personally, saying, “We have just the property and the owner doesn’t even know we have her blocked from selling it without using us.” He was nice enough to describe the property in detail, upon her good offer they arranged. “She will sell it at half the price and thank us for helping her and her children. I heard she wants to move out of state which will be better for both of us.”

I spent most of my afternoon figuring out Nera’s project. A mechanical drawing of the project layout and their compilation of needs and machines were divided nicely between the production plant, a new administration area and updating their security system.

I met with Dean Proctor in the evening and he had made a tentative agreement with an old retiring farmer. Never let it be said the farmer was ignorant. He did not have the property up for sale. He wanted to know who he was selling it to and why.

He was selling twenty acres to us at seven percent below the price we were hoping to buy it for. It would be my property and whether or not the meeting with the corporate people tomorrow would move things forward or take more time. More serious dealings would wait until after my parents’ anniversary celebration and trip. Dad said Sadie Beacon the young mechanic whiz would be there as well as Dean.”

I was relaxing in my apartment talking to Cortney to unwind from the day. I had a couple of candles lit and her perfume scenting the apartment. I was even running bath water. I was sure Cortney was a little jealous when I told her about dinner with Jodi and her family. Cortney said it was the distance between us.

The day was very tiring and I was sure I needed to learn to pace myself. Talking to Cortney as a woman was more pleasing than if I were Heath. I loved being able to have the vagina gaff on when I was bathing. I had been about sixteen when my dreams of being a girl came more alive with feelings I had experienced. I’m noticing that hormone therapy has begun to heighten those feelings in me once again. And I find myself interested in being with another woman.

The Mid-Atlantic representative for Value Hardware and Lumber were happy to see my Dad, Mr. Darren Martin. Because when they first saw Dara it was hard to take her serious about running such a business. They did grill me. They discovered I knew hardware, having grown up around it. I also knew how to keep books as well as use their computer system. And I knew lumber as well. But they were even more impressed with Dean Proctor who would run the lumberyard and man the contractors’ area.

My parents were helping to put down $125,000 to solidify the agreement, along with my twenty-five thousand and another fifteen thousand from Dean Proctor. They had set aside money they thought was needed to purchase the land.

I was tickled to meet Heather Lockley, the former basketball star and small engine mechanic. Heather was hoping to run her own company within my business.

Rucklesbee the VP from Value Enterprises said, “You know you are purchasing more land than you need as well as our projection for future expansion. Aren’t you worried of overextending yourselves?”

Dean spoke up, “Dara was thinking ahead and bought enough for a nice eating place to start next to us. It will be kept for such to be a nice complement to our business. It will also keep an undesired neighbor out.”

While lawyers would need to revise and review the final contract there was a tentative agreement. The wheels could begin turning on the project.

I met with Nera and her new office manager at nine thirty Thursday morning and at 10:00 with Carl Davidson and other representatives of Ballard Liquid Control Systems, Inc. We complimented them on their expansion project. Nera joined me in complimenting their detailed plans. I had called ahead and laid out my suggestions to fit over the plans they were bringing. I made our lines for production in blue, administration in green and the lines for security in reddish orange. It made it easier to follow as I explained our bid for their project.

One of their people was critical of my running of wire, instead of total reliance upon a wireless system. My reply was, “Your Southeast plant is the state of the arts program, but has been down three times this past year as well as down for reprogramming and changing projects, adding industrial equipment, etc.

“This design takes that into consideration: We suggest you use your wireless program during the week but use your wire system on Saturday and special times as needed. This way you have an alternative and know a backup is operational. You can choose to go totally wireless, but I’m not suggesting it. You can check with your national office and see what they recommend?”

Mr. Aferiti spoke up. “I am from the national office and your point is valid. I believe the added cost would be well offset by the added costs we experience at the plant you have mentioned.”

Aferiti and another person questioned why Dara and not Heath Martin is present. I let Nera explained. Mr. Aferiti blushed but said to Nera. I can understand why you have stuck with her. She is a valuable asset to your company.

It was two in the afternoon and we had worked through the noon hour without more than a short break. They proposed to continue the next day. Nera was saying, I would represent the company when I interrupted her.

“That will not be happening I am leaving with my daughters to attend a special occasion. Nera Martin is more than qualified and it is her company. Excuse me, while I am hoping you reach an agreement; my only request is that you do not use lesser materials and still have me for the project. I am sorry but I need to excuse myself. I am already late.”

Nera walked me out. She was both embarrassed and pleading with me to guarantee I’d be there the next day. “Nera, I am glad you hired a good administrator. I hope this means you are on the right track and worthy of this contract.”

I was able to pick Teresa and Katy up from preschool, there clothes and a few toys from home. We went to my apartment where I was able to shower, change and put my things into the car. My girls had been with Jodi while I was upstairs.

Jodi told me, “Teresa asked if you ever turned into a monster. She said, ‘It was something her grandma had told her.”

I told Jodi, “I guess they’re set on saying things to get the girls afraid of me. I don’t think it will work.”

I had Teresa heading to the car and Katy in my hands and was ready to leave. Jodi said, “Aren’t you going to say a proper goodbye? …It’s not like your landlord is a monster either.”

I turned to her, we had begun giving each other a hug now and then. Today she had her arms open wide for a hug. And as we broke the hug, she gave me a kiss on the cheek. That was a first, but Jodi quickly recovered and said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t plan that or even know where it came from.” But Dara had kissed her back and neither of them really found anything to complain about.

I said, “Thanks, it reminds me I’m too early to jump to conclusions about myself so don’t worry. I am most happy to have you as a friend.”

Within three minutes I was down the road, but a good half hour before I was fully concentrating on my driving and talking to my girls.

I was glad that my parents’ 40th Wedding Anniversary would be taking me away from all the other issues.

Mom called and we talked about using the car phone. “Dara, its Mom. Are you coming tonight, in the morning or are you going to be delayed in coming as usual?”

“Mom, “I’m now about twenty minutes away. The girls and I are looking forward to seeing everyone.”

“Does everyone know I’m coming as Dara? I hope you don’t mind but I only brought one change of clothes for Heath if that were to be needed.”

I hear a brother comment; he must be near mom’s phone: “I guess that means the family photo will be different.” I couldn’t tell, ‘if my brother Pat was being courteous or if there was some criticism that I’d soon hear.’

Mom says, “It’s what we expected and were hoping for. How are Teresa and Katy doing with all that’s going on?”

“They’ve fallen asleep in the car. I think they’re doing fine, but I’m hoping some of you can verify that for me over the weekend.”

My sister Grace speaks up, “You have the heart of a good parent Dara. They’ll do fine in the long run, just don’t panic when they’re upset at any one time. You will need to learn more girl games and to take time and listen as well as read and sit with them.”

Teresa wakes up and wants to talk to Grandma and Aunt Grace. Instead of the car phone, she wanted to talk privately with them on my phone. I found out later her number one concern was for me to learn about young girls from Aunt Grace.

Grace’s Daughters Bethany and Michele are teenagers fifteen and seventeen. Rick has two boys and a girl. And my oldest brother Patrick, a career military man, has two sons and two daughters and his wife Kathy died over two years ago.

He has been dating Shelley the past few months and she like my Cortney will be there and hopefully accepted as part of the family for now. Pat’s youngest daughter Beth is having the most trouble making the adjustment in accepting Shelley. The problem is not with Shelley as much as it is with Pat. He had learned too late for his wife and family to think of them and take time with them. Now a full bird Colonel, he’s waiting for this becoming Lieutenant Colonel before announcing his retirement.

If Bethany was correct he’d need to spend two years as an instructor if he received that rank. I awaited the official word from my oldest brother. Bethany has been in regular contact with me since she learned I came out as Dara. Her words in writing me was that: “My mother had said to my sister Diana and me: ‘Heath is a T-girl. If he ever acknowledges that and comes out. I want you two to help her if at all possible.’ She told us that three months after she told us that she had terminal cancer.”

It was kind of funny yet very emotional for both her and me, as I drove into the driveway. Grandma and her namesake Beth came out to greet us.

Beth noticed that I reacted to her hugging me because of my breasts reacting to feeling hers. Katy was in my arms and Beth and lifted Teresa and we hugged again. I felt Beth’s tears as she sighed and began to cry on my shoulders.

Beth whispered, “I hear this Cortney is very special. I just ask you to take your time in learning to be Dara for both yourself and your girls. If Cortney is like I hear she should be willing to be there for the next year.”

To be continued…

Grace was the only other person to realize Dara and the girls had arrived. When she came out, Teri was quickly out of her seat and up in Aunt Grace’s arms. Grace said, “My how you’ve grown Teresa, you’re not a little girl anymore. The women had gathered around Dara giving her a family hug with Katy in her arms included.

Grandma Elizabeth had a few bulky things to carry in; while Dara and Grace carried in the suitcases and extra. Beth carried in her little cousin Katy and Teresa was holding Grace’s hand. They walk up into the attic which was furnished for times like this. Grace, Dara, and their girls were going to be in the attic as would the other girl cousins if their parents were willing.

The idea that Dara’s nieces would be sharing the attic with her caused her to panic for a moment. It was nice that they were accepting but Dara didn’t think she was ready for this. ‘What would his/her oldest brother Colonel Patrick have to say about that?

Well, Patrick had already reserved a suite at the best hotel near the ocean. Pat sought Dara out as she and others came down out of the attic. Pat introduced his girlfriend Shelley. And gave a half arm hug to Dara, “Well Dara, it’s nice to see you. It looks like you've learned to do your makeup since the first time I saw you so dressed!”

Back behind Patrick, Shelley and others were Cortney waving and smiling to get Dara’s attention. She finally got Dara’s attention and a hug, but Dara was preoccupied with her brother.

Patrick’s blood pressure rose once he heard his daughters were hoping to stay up in the attic. “Dara better stay in the smaller room and not prancing around with the others or there might be some fireworks.”

Grace spoke up, “She, her daughters and I have an enclosed bedroom. But once we’re ready for the night we’ll spend some time with the nieces. Don’t go getting upset; your daughters are grown women and can handle it. They are able to decide that.” Shelley and Rick assured Pat things would be okay. The truth was Pat had trouble being around his daughters as they look more and more like his deceased wife Kathy.

Supper tonight was a smorgasbord of sandwich fixings, salads, and desserts. Dara, Grace, and others went to the reception hall to see what decorations, tables, and chairs they had to work with. The decorations made before looked amazingly professional.

Bethany was there working with me. “Aunt Dara you are doing very well.” I could tell she was surprised I was doing this well.

“Bethany, I gain more experience every week. I expect your mother warned you thinking I’d be more awkward in my speech and moving around.”

Bethany tried to deny that her mother said any such thing until Grace was the one to acknowledge she did. “It’s okay Bethany, I do appreciate you taking time to be with Dara.”

Teresa was with us and said, “My Mom is even better when we’re home and she isn’t thinking about what she’s doing. Katy loves it because she stops more to play with her and watch TV with us.”

The work at the reception hall went quickly and we were soon back to the house. It is late enough that I get Katy and Teresa ready for bed.

I see a pretty nightgown is on the bed I’m to sleep in. Grace had come into the room, “I wanted you to relax and have something nice to wear among us women. I wasn’t sure what you would have that enabled you to be out mingling with our nieces.” I pointed to an extra bed in the crowded room. Grace says, “I’m sleeping there that you and Cortney might be able to sleep together in the bigger bed. Come Sunday night we’ll have a lot more room as our brothers and families will be gone.”

I say, “I won’t need much room then as Cortney will have left as well.”

Grace interrupts me, “Cortney already asked if it would be okay if she stayed around till Tuesday. …Cortney would have told or asked you if you took the time to listen to her tonight.”

Grace says, “I like her. It sounds like you both have been hurt and have found someone good for the other.”

I’m trying to decide what to say. “I’m not sure what to say. I really like her but we both know I need to take my time.”

“You’re right,” Grace says, “You both know that. Just remember she like you needs to hear you appreciate her and a compliment now and then doesn’t hurt. Bethany even noticed that you are more comfortable in receiving compliments, Dara.”

I comment, “I find it easier to talk with your girls now. I don’t remember hearing them talk before about what they hope to go to university for.” Grace just stops and stares waiting for me to say more. “I guess, it’s me. I don’t remember taking time to listen as I did tonight.”

Grace gives me a hug. “It is good to see how you are growing as a person Dara. Just as good I like the parent you’re being for your girls.”

“They have become my biggest motivation for slowing down and to think about them. It’s a help to have Cortney’s support through all of this.”

My girls are down in bed by 9:00 p.m. and soon after that the nieces, Grace, Cortney and I are sitting around the attic floor immersed in girl talk. The cousins were texting things back and forth; mostly personal things they didn’t want us to know.

I was embarrassed when the older nieces asked about my sexual desires and needs as a woman. Bethany took the time to say, “We’re not prying to embarrass you, but honestly want to know this new side of you. I for one like to know if we, I, could talk to you privately on such subjects concerning you or me?” I looked to Grace wondering if Bethany was being as sincere as she came across to me.

It was then that Cortney leaned over to me, “I think your nieces and Bethany, in particular, are opening themselves up to you. They are sincere. You should thank your lucky stars.”

Cynthia, squeezing Diana’s hand, said, “Diana and I have been impressed with you. While we think it will be good for you to take a year before deciding exactly how you will transition. I, we want to come to know this side of you. I’m not big on social media, but I’d like to do a lot of email, text and keep in better contact with you.”

Come morning, we went downstairs together and ate breakfast. It was 9:30 when we began to get dressed for family pictures. I was thankful that the older cousins helped me with Katy and Teresa. But it also meant I had less privacy as I changed. Katy and Teresa continuously kept opening the door until I finally decided to leave it open.

I was wearing Grace’s dressing robe as I first got the girls ready. I had put one dress on Katy, but I had my choice ready to put on her closer to picture time. Teresa had asked Diana to help her with fingernail polish.

Diana had asked my permission and suggested she put the slightest amount of blush and lipstick on her. The blush and lipstick were actually made for little girls.

I would get separate pictures with me and my daughters and another one with Cortney and me as well as the four of us them alone. I feel more and more that I begin once again to feel I want Cortney permanently in my life. Watching her with my girls and me, I like what I see.

Before we could have our pictures taken, my mom required she and I visit her bathroom. “Dara, you’ve done an excellent job in getting your girls ready. Now I want you to go do a little better job with yourself. I want you to go pick out a pretty dress both for the picture and going out to dinner. I want your makeup to be done for the evening with some jewelry as well. If need be you can ask Grace or Cortney to help you.”

I was heading back up to the attic when Grace called me to her. “We’ve already narrowed down your choices and have them over in the guest room.” The choice was half made for me as the sundress I’m wearing tomorrow is one of three possibilities they have for me.

I tried asking what was wrong with what I was wearing. Grace said and Cortney agreed, “That is good for every day around the house. But it is neither dressy nor flattering for you. This is your first family picture, Dara. You look far too nice not to look better than you do.”

I like the shimmering dark blue dress but had thought my brothers wouldn’t like me that dressed up. When I tell Grace, she said “Even if you were right. You don’t let your brothers have their way with your decisions. You’re getting on with your life and the photos will be of Katy and Teri with you as their parent. You should have pride in yourself.”

I changed everything and started with the satin lace bra and matching panty. A long slim slip, but I had to change out of that to put the stockings on. I was getting happier with myself as I was doing well dressing piece by piece. The sensation going over my body as the slip again slides down caused me to make a sound of enjoyment as it slipped down my body.

Cortney had unzipped my dress and she and my sister helped me getting in it so my hair would not be messed up. I was seeking to zip it up myself. Grace stopped me, “Please, let us do it and make sure it is fitting perfectly.” Grace has a giggle on her face as they’re done and I’m slipping into my heels.

“What’s so funny,” I ask?

She says, “The pictures are going to be taken at the church and I’m sure some of the members will come interested in seeing our family before tomorrow’s reception. And I know people who haven’t seen you get as Dara Martin will not know who you are. They will also comment to mother and father that they do not recognize the beautiful young woman. …When mother comments that you’re their youngest daughter Dara with their granddaughters Katy and Teri. Others will be speechless and then someone will comment: ‘O yes, it’s just been a while since we’ve seen her. …I’m hoping they don’t comment on how beautiful you are after having two daughters.”

I say, “They won’t do that.”

Grace says, “Tomorrow, you’ll have to decide about dancing with any of the men who ask for a dance. You will be surprised about how people see you.”

All of us ride in one of two limousines our parents have to take us to have the pictures and then to the restaurant for tonight’s dinner. Whenever I pick up Katy to carry her, she consistently comments. “Daddy, you are too pretty for me to call you Daddy. I hope Mommy doesn’t mind but I’m going to be calling you my Mommy.” Teri said, “Ditto Dad.”

Then Teri told me, “And do not cry and mess up your makeup.”

There were too many pictures: several of the full family including Grandma Martin and Grandmother Strong. Grandfather Martin is in a care facility and too fragile to be here. There are pictures of each family; all of Mom and Dad’s children with them, another with just the grandchildren; the picture of us adult kids and our spouses. Then there’s one with all of us women including me.

I am so happy that I’m included among them. It made sense, but I was afraid I wouldn’t be included. Grandma Martin comments, “I am happy to see you smiling more Dara. I didn’t see this coming but I long thought something was missing deep down under your façade.”

Grandmother Strong smiles, “I had the advantage of my daughter confiding in me. This was a long time coming. …You might not remember but I helped take care of you as a girl once when you quickly came down poorly sick.”

I said, “You did that more than once.”

She replied, “Only once when you were in girl mode. You were already in bed and had on your sister’s nightshirt. Then the next day, you got up, showered and changed into one of her sweatshirt dresses plus one of her panty’s. You even put on a little makeup which I thought was strange for a sick boy.”

I shook my head as it was a memory I had stuffed down and tried to forget. I remember that when I was still a little sick but getting better. Grandmother helped me to dress like a girl who was feeling better. That was when I met a girl named Denise. She often visited my grandmother. And I wasn’t contagious, so grandmother allowed me to play with her.

“You will possibly see Denise here tomorrow,” Grandmother Ruth Strong.

“Grandmother I have trouble believing neither you nor Grandma Martin both easily accept me as Dara.”

“You shouldn’t. We’ve experienced a lot more of life than you have. Plus as grandparents, we’ve always wanted the best for all of you. You’re no longer playing dressed up; you’re a grown woman. I hope when your father’s nieces are here, it will also be a help to you.”

The dinner was very enjoyable as my nieces shared responsibility with me for my girls. Almost everyone stayed a little while longer to enjoy being together and having family time. Tomorrow we could sleep in and need not worry as the Anniversary celebration was to start at 6:00 p.m.

Come early evening tonight Katy was the first to tire. She cried herself to sleep cuddled in my arms as she fought, going to sleep. Katy slept in my arms as I danced with my father. Being protective, I held her for two hours. I was learning first hand, how heavy a young child feels in one’s arms and hips.

Cortney encourages me to let her and others help, but for a while longer I continued until my mother sends Bethany to help with Katy. Bethany giggled, “Don’t argue with me; it was your mother’s request.”

Come Saturday morning I couldn’t sleep as long as I hoped. I had to go to the salon. My nieces Cynthia, Michele and Bethany went with Grace, Cortney and I to the salon Grace likes. Teresa came with us, and to be truthful I didn’t realize how big of a deal it would be to her.

Teresa sat quietly watching her older cousins, going from one cousin and chair to another. She informed Aunt Grace, “I think Cyndi looks like Jessica Alba, don’t you?” Luckily she asked her Aunt who knew who Sofia Carson is and not me.

“Mommy, Sofia is on the Disney channel. She’s a beautiful dancer and singer. You’ve seen her watching TV with Katy and me.”

My sister Grace agrees with her that there is a very good resemblance. “You need to remember Dara that girls are now more important. They shouldn’t just be a pretty face or someone your girls like. She’s a rather wholesome image for young girls.”

Once Michele was finished getting her hair done; she was happy to help Teresa with her appointment. I wanted to wait for Margi being free with the chair next to Teresa. Grace said, “I’m sorry, but I you’re getting the works and I want you to enjoy yourself being pampered.”

I was getting some tinted extensions put in my hair and then a permanent. Niece Cyndi was sketching me as my hair and nails were done. She showed the colored in sketch to Grace before showing the beautician how she wanted my face made up.

I was glad that while it was beautiful; it wasn’t overdone or a heavy makeup job. I gather that Cyndi was hoping she’d get the task of my makeover.

We were done by 1:30 at the beauty parlor. The girls and I had a light lunch and then waited an hour to get dressed. I was happy how I looked coming away from the beauty salon. And was even more pleased with how I look with the sundress. It was there with my breasts that Cyndi got to help blend my breasts and upper body to seamlessly match.

I wanted to change dresses rather than let Cyndi do my boobs. But as usual I didn’t win out and it wasn’t a problem for Cyndi. Her mother Kayla was amused by how prudish she thought I was acting. “You’re niece is very comfortable with helping you. Like the other nieces, she is wanting to bond with you.”

Cyndi is in her junior year of college and will be there for a few more years as she wants to be a psychologist. “Aunt Dara, I won’t ever be your psychologist, but I would like to do a practicum later if you’re willing.”

We visit and I learn she has had two friends who were transgender. Syd was a year behind her in high school and took her life the year after Cynthia had gone to the university. Maureen is a transgender lesbian who had some trauma in growing up. But was making a very good adjustment in maturing as she’s a university student.

It is mind-boggling listening to my nieces and nephews sharing their lives. I am shaken more once I realize I have been through so much. My blessing was I saw things a day at a time and hadn’t realized how much I had been through.

“Aunt Dara, I can see you’re realizing the significance of some of the things you’ve been through. As I said, I am not your counselor but I know you have one. …One, can you focus today on the celebration and be okay? …Now that you’re realizing you’ve been on quite a life journey. Will you promise me to begin to open up and share this with your counselor and your women’s doctor?”

She waited for me to answer and I felt relieved having agreed.

Most of us were there before the Anniversary reception began. Patrick and his girlfriend Shelley Gordy were the last of the immediate family. They weren’t sharing whatever their delay was. Somehow I had the feeling that it had to do with me. Patrick flatly said to me, “You’re not that big a deal for someone to get upset with.” He said that to Grace who hadn’t even mentioned me.

True to what Grace said the day before. There were a number of people wondering where Heath was. Even some who knew I was transitioning could not recognize me even when I took my turn in the reception line.

Mom had Grace, I and my sisters-in-law wear silver and diamond necklaces and matching earrings. It was our gift for celebrating with them as the family. My Dad had given my brothers golf balls and tees with their anniversary date engraved on them.

It was near the end of the dinner reception that Grace led the short program that honored our parents. I took part in two readings. My brothers added their reflections of different times in our parents’ lives together.

I was tickled when Denise Roberts, the girl that met me as Heather when I was sick and with my grandmother. She and Sheila (Miller) Anderson cornered me. “We want to talk to you. Sheila said, she knew you in school and you were wearing girl stuff under your clothes.”

Denise went through her story when she met me with my Grandmother Strong. I didn’t know that Grandmother had taken a picture of me. Denise had the picture. Sheila said, “I want you to meet with some of the girls from high school tomorrow. I invited Denise to come along. …Now we want to know if you want to go out with us. Or would you prefer we visit at your parents’ house? …One way or another we want to become friends.”

I knew Patrick said he was leaving early Sunday afternoon. We agreed to meet at my parents at four o’clock then. Denise and Sheila were delighted when Katy was in my lap and Teri was sitting with us. Denise asks my girls, “How it is that you look like your Daddy?”

Teri said, “Why shouldn’t we look like her. She one of our parents. We are pretty and so is she!”

Teri wanted Sheila to tell her about my being a girl for Halloween. “Was she pretty or was she an ugly witch?”

Sheila says, “He was one of the Spice Girls when he was twelve years old. There was to be another boy dressed as a girl, I’m told. But Mike Getty wasn’t allowed by his parents to look and sound like a girl. I think your daddy was being punished for something bad he did at school. Then when he was in ninth grade he was dressed as a cheerleader. Both times he was a pretty girl.”

My parents had their first dance and then others began to dance after that. Mom’s nephew, Lance was my partner soon after that when all the immediate family was to dance. I appreciated him doing it and he was actually a good dance partner. I had a number of dances, mostly with young men. Some had asked if I could find a babysitter for my girls.

Steve Jordan danced with me for two dances. The second one is slow. He had been three years ahead of me in high school and was now thirty-something. We went out to talk and cool off. He was nice enough to ask me if he could kiss me. He wasn’t patient enough to wait for my answer. The first kiss was light and nice, but the kiss grew more passionate. Surprised, I actually had begun to kiss him back. But that was the end of that.

Come ten, when people started to go home; I saw Kevin Baker. He had been watching me and finally worked up the nerve to ask me to dance. It took him over a half hour, and I kind of felt sorry for him. Then again I thought he was handsome and probably didn’t have any problem in getting dates. He had worked in my dad’s store when he was in high school. I was probably 10-12 years old then.

I became a shy girl when he walked up to me and we began to talk. He was a nice guy then and now I was comfortable though shy in talking to him. The announcer said they were only playing a few more songs. Kevin asked me, “Would you mind dancing with me.” We were halfway through the song and I move closer and leaned my head on his shoulder. The next song was from the Righteous Brothers and so we continued to dance.

Kevin complimented my dress and said I was attractive. “This is awkward as I don’t mean to come on to you. But I find you to be an attractive woman. Knowing your parents and you from before I know you’re a neat person.” The song was ending and I knew Kevin felt bad as he was now at a loss for words.

“Kevin, I’m not sure what you were hoping to say, but I’m thankful that you cared to talk with me. The dances were nice. If a girlfriend wasn’t here. I, I don’t know what to say but I do like you.”

I changed the subject and then asked if he had spoken with my parents. It was kind of a silly question as that is why he came. But I pulled him over to where my father and mother were. We stood there until they were free to visit.

My parents looked at me and then to Kevin. Dad said, “I’m glad you’re friends now. The differences in your ages aren’t such a big deal.” After we talked a few minutes, Dad said, “You know you could give her a ride home. I just suggest it’s late enough not to come in.” I was embarrassed at that point, but it wasn’t something I heatedly objected.

Mom was the one who said, “Dara, I would suggest if you kiss. That you fix your makeup before coming into the house.”

It was another twenty to thirty minutes before we left. Kevin did invite me to ride with him and I accepted. We didn’t kiss but we exchanged information and talked about getting together…

The story will continue…

Seemingly taking a ride home from Kevin wasn’t my best idea, even though he didn’t come into the house. Cortney who encouraged me to take time with my friends; wasn’t happy that I danced with Kevin or other guys. Riding home with him was a real sore point, and though Cortney didn’t say anything; Grace told me, I should have known better.

Sunday morning some college mates and friends, Denise and Darby Sue among them, stopped over having heard about the change in Heath. Cortney and I went out with them for a small brunch. I had twice dated Denise and been a close friend and neighbor of Darby Sue. Darby remembered an incident in a chemistry class when she saw traces of makeup in the corners of my eyes.

Cortney told them when I started to use makeup again, that Heath still did a poor job of cleaning off makeup come to the end of a day. Denise acknowledged with Cortney that I had a tender side that the average man didn’t. Denise said, “I wanted to keep Heath as a friend but neither Heath nor others at the time could accept I wanted to keep him as a close friend without romantic intentions. There was more than one time I wanted to dress him up and see him as a girl.”

Darby jumped in, “That’s how I felt when I discovered the makeup.”

Cortney said, “You’re both lucky. If you ever made out with Heath as a girl, it might have changed your lives. Denise and Darby both giggled at the thought. Darby asked her, “Is that part of what attracts you to Dara?”

I could tell Darby felt strange for asking, but Cortney replied. “It’s part of our attraction. I really like how she cuddles up with me. We can relax and just enjoy a quiet time.”

Darby says, “My husband has no trouble being quiet with me.”

Denise answers, “Yes, but are either of you really enjoying that time together. My Chuck had no trouble being quiet, but we were in two different worlds. I don’t think that is what Cortney meant.” Cortney nodded in agreement. I remembered a quiet morning when Cortney and I spent a marvelous two hours together, hardly ever saying anything. It did include times of light touches and sounds of endearments.

Unfortunately for Cortney and I being at a distance took a toll on our relationship and our spirits. Soon we became more distant to one another. I dated Kevin once when I went back to my parents’, but it never became anything more.

Sixth months have passed since Cortney and I were history. Nera did not get the contract with her previous customer and she blamed that on me.

My sister Grace has since talked me into adding an ‘l’ to become ‘Darla’ and I am now officially Darla Jennifer Martin. Only Nera and a few of her friends that continue to call me Dara. My girls change at times calling me Daddy or Momma.

The footings were set for the building of the lumberyard/hardware store, three months after the anniversary. My parents had acquired property behind Jodi’s house, where I rented the third floor.

My Dad and Jodie had become partners in developing lots and putting in a street. The city and utility companies would bring in electric, water, and a sewer system.

True enough the bank tried to cause Jodi enough trouble and tried to get her to sell to them the property. The denied requests became undo pressure to sell. The state banking commission stopped that and officials at the bank have since been changed. My parents and Jodi have since joined together to develop the seven acres.

People are amused by me at my building sight in stylish pink overalls. We have not let on what we’re doing. There are numerous rumors going around, from a car dealership to a warehouse for a national trucking firm and even a nursing home. It would be known soon enough, but we weren't wanting one of the other companies like Lowes, Home Depot or Menards getting the idea to move into the area.

Dean Proctor and I are very sure once we’re up and running we’d be able to compete. I am taking two new computer-aided drafting and design programs. I am not a full-fledged architect but I can now put up someone’s plans and check them to see if they meet state code and structural soundness. The coming month we’ll have the walls in place and another month for the roof and the concrete floor. It is ambitious but we’re hoping to have the business operating come spring.

Like I did with Nera’s company I will be running the wires for computers as well as helping to install the computer and security systems. The national corporation we’re working with was at first skeptical. They now pay me to use the systems I designed.

My sister Grace and I have grown closer than ever and my relations with my brothers have improved. My parents bought a fair size beach house a block off of the ocean for summer vacation with some of the family. With the housing development with Jodi, they’re now looking financially stretched on paper.

Jodi Miller, my landlord, and I share meals at least weekly. I take her out to dinner twice a month. Neither of us is saying it means anything.

Nera having her way, we will officially be divorced come to the end of the year. The settlement while heavily in Nera’s favor, is more than livable for me. It will be even better if Teresa and Katy come to live with me.

Nera has shown some improvement in running her company but it is likely to be too little, too late for her larger plans. Now she is taking an extended summer vacation she cannot afford, nor should she be it taking during her busy time.

I have been back to my doctors a few times and most recently Dr. Amanda Mueller my Gynecologist and Dr. Steve Gould the Endocrinologist have approved my moving ahead in transitioning as a woman. It doesn’t yet mean I’m physically making a full transition. Within two months my male reproduction system may be non-functioning. I have banked sperm though I do not have any plans past that.

Dr. Amanda has become someone I count as a friend. She is amused by my progression and takes added time for my appointments. She takes part in that time to help me as a woman in ways that goes into day to day living and good hygiene.

Presently I have my girls every other weekend and take them to and from daycare or pre-school three days a week. The hardest thing for my daughters is when others say cruel things about me in their hearing. The worse yet is when I don’t know something that has happened. It is usually Teresa who hears something, and takes it to heart but doesn’t share. They are going to counselors but it is still rough at times.

I am consistent in making parent-child conferences and I have improved greatly in reading and spending time with them. They enjoy times they can go downstairs to play with Jodi’s children or when the two families have gone to Friendly’s or share a mea

It is over a year since my second girls’ night out; I thought of returning to where I met Cortney, but instead, I went up to New Hope to a place I’ve learned of more recently. Most of the community there is LGBT friendly and I’ve found acceptance and made new friends there. Taelyn is one of my new friends and for the anniversary we make two nights of it.

While my body is not yet changing much physically because of the hormones; my body’s sensitivity has grown significantly. Either Taelyn was in the right mood, or I’ve also grown in being responsive to my lover. I felt Taelyn was wanting too much sex this early in our relationship. While she was finding me too slow for her tastes. Time helped me to find things like that.

Two nights later it was Jodi who suggested it was time for us to get serious. “Darla, it looks like you’re going to be having your daughters more often, if not have primary responsibility for them. And I find myself growing in love with you. It would be hard enough for me to love you, but I don’t want our children becoming attached if we can’t make a bigger commitment.”

I was totally caught by surprise but I was feeling much the same way as Jodi. What I liked was more than the physical attraction was our friendship and our willingness to take our time. The first time sleeping together was more emotional for Jodi as she had more feelings for her husband.

I was nervous that I wouldn’t measure up to what she experienced with him. Her warm loving presence caused me to respond more than I anticipated. She touched my breasts and felt them respond. “Heath I want you to know I find myself attracted to you as Darla. If that makes me a lesbian so be it.”

Come March 23, everyone was celebrating the Cove Center’s Ace Lumber and Hardware. Though it was outside the town; the Mayor called it rightfully to be a good shot in the arm for the town’s development. This, however, wasn’t his father’s small-town hardware store. It was designed to serve builders and the remodeling of homes and businesses. Not only supplying the town but reaching out to three counties.

Darla’s Sister Grace was there along with her parents. Bethany home on Spring Break would also be back in the summer on an apprenticeship for her marketing major. She with Grace enjoyed her newest Aunt being in the pink overalls they first chose for Darla.

More than one contractor came hoping to fluster Darla but found her knowledgeable and professional. She tried not to embarrass them but win them over as a customer. Dean Proctor, heading the builders’ desk and lumberyard gloried in his element. A veteran contractor himself; he with the larger corporation’s help did his homework. He was learning the business from a different point of view. Two loan officers from area finance companies were present and busy. Several contractors were using the promotions to begin new projects. There was even a developer out of Flemington putting up seven apartment buildings. Jamison another contractor was beginning condominiums close to Somerville/Bridgewater. It would be a great day if all were approved.

By the time Teresa and Katy arrived in the late afternoon, Darla had been working nine hours with only pauses to eat or drink something as she kept working. Katy’s request that Daddy takes her to the bathroom was a welcome break. But instead of using the regular restroom Darla used the one near her office. She did pause for a sandwich, popcorn, and cola with her daughters. Katy now a year older and heavier was up in Darla’s arms for well over an hour after dinner. Grace’s daughter Bethany entertained Teresa until she insisted her grandmother to take over as Darla and Bethany were still working.

Grandma and Grandpa had a red wagon that Katy enjoyed before she finally fell asleep. The grandparents took Katy and Teresa home. Grace and others went home as well. Darla and Dean remained until they closed and needed to meet with the corporate people as well. It was eleven o’clock when Darla and Dean checked to make sure they were ready for tomorrow.

The whole weekend was busy as many weekend project warriors were out in force. Jodi and Darla’s Mom had cooked up two soups for the family and workers. And Darla had made tuna salad before she had left home, Saturday morning. Her father would demonstrate products and tools for home repairs and how to do them. Promotions and giveaways were part of the day. Sales receipts and business cards were received for one of three prizes: 1) a thousand dollar shopping spree; 2) another thousand dollar prize for a play center and 3) choice of a riding mower or a utility four wheeler with wagon attachment. That prize would be a $2,500 to $3,900 value depending on what was chosen.

The turnout tested the capacity of the workers, corporate staff and a family of volunteers. Corporation representatives informed us this was an unusually good opening weekend.

Doug Dragon, a local braggart, and the contractor were blatant about his dislike for a transgender woman running this business. Darla knew Doug had a weakness for gambling and was a self-proclaimed repair specialist. “Hey, Doug why don’t we go head to head in three repair projects.” Darla was correct, Doug couldn’t resist showing Darla up and accepted the challenge. The first repair others suggested was to repair a screen window and a broken window.

As Heath, she had a lot of experience in helping at her father’s hardware store. The dough had repeatedly seen it as a project that was usually too small. He knows how to do it but wasn’t used to doing it and it resulted in a loss. The second challenge took them to town to replace wallboard damaged in a flooded basement. There were two sections of six foot by eight-foot walls.

Knocking out the walls and replacing the wallboard was a good contest. It was close but seemingly won by Doug. Darla challenged what the end result would be. It delayed a decision until the next day when the taping and sealing the seam would be dry. Darla had waited until her tape dried before plastering it. She was fairly sure Doug’s job was too quick and either the tape would warp, leave cracks in the plaster or worse do both.

The final project Doug had chosen and it was to install ceiling lights and run the wire and put in a switch. It was at a different house but with damage from similar flooding. Both homes were getting both the materials and labor free. Darla was hoping by doing this task at one of Doug’s customer’s this would placate him in the long term.

Darla knew her job would take longer as hers not only involved two ceiling light fixtures. It meant two switches at different ends of the basement hall. The switches and lights needed to be wired a little differently. Darla was working under the watchful eye of Guy Madison. She was working as a laborer working under his electric license. She had a good power drill and for needed holes to drive the bx-cable through. Darla was disappointed that pulling the wire through holes was more difficult than before. Her physical strength was changing, but it was only a matter of pulling harder and not being afraid to grunt when she did so.

During her doing these three tasks she needed to turn over managing her part of the store to the corporate people and her father. The projects were all done by 7:00 p.m. Saturday night. While the light project of Doug was completed earlier, the judges called the light project a draw. They cited Douglas for not having an electrician’s license and not using the bx-cable everywhere that code required.

Doug became good-hearted at that point and conceded that Darla had actually done the better job. It would be true in the morning with the second task of the challenge as well. Doug’s seaming tape had pulled and torn as the wetness of the tape and the spackling dried. Cracks and bumps meant it needed to be redone. Doug had hoped it would have been judged the night before; knowing he would have to come back to finish it correctly.

The bet for the competition had been written by Doug for Darla and Darla for Doug and then placed in a sealed envelope. Their requests for the bets were to be judged for their fairness, but that wouldn’t be needed as they were kind of similar.

Doug’s bet if he won was that Darla would have to dress and work as a man for the next month.

Darla’s bet was if she won that Doug would have to wear women’s work shirt and either pink overalls or a denim skirt. She had asked for two weeks but had questioned that and said at least one week.

The judges checked with Doug if he was willing to serve the two weeks. They also had him pay for the materials he used on his portion of the projects. It was agreed that the news of the contest was not to make the local or area newspapers. It actually provided goodwill all around as two different families underinsured for water damage. Come Sunday afternoon the Brigg’s family was the winner of the shopping spree.

The Ace people contributed another $1,000 to the shopping spree and gave another thousand dollars and asked Cove Center’s Ace Lumber and Hardware to match their gift.

Come to the end of the day Sunday night, I, Darla, was exhausted. Once I got home Jodi invited me to come and eat a dinner she had prepared for me. I was half awake as I walk in, and less so when I moved the plate and set my head down. Jodi began to massage my neck and shoulders. I was back sitting up when I turned and pulled her around. I stood and began to kiss her. She tried to say something, but we were soon mutually caught up in our kissing one another.

It was three o’clock in the morning; I woke up in her bed and made my way up to my apartment…

To be continued…

Darla’s business was off to a good start, even her feminine identity responded very well to being challenged. She and Jodi were growing more in love with the passing of time. Jodi was more than supportive that opening weekend. Both sets of our children were getting along: Jodi’s son Brian now eight and her daughters Sam barely nine and Paula 16. They enjoyed being there for Teresa and Katie; Darla’s daughters. They had started to see Darla like a second mom. Though Jodi was seen by Katie and Therese as Aunt Jodi and Darla their Daddy-mommy.

The second Sunday the Cove Center was opened, Darla and her daughters went to church with Jodi and her children.

Pastor Bruce had talked to Darla about a project the church was looking at, during which, he invited Darla to attend the church. Darla’s entrance did raise some eyes, but the pastor had already led them to be a welcoming church. Several families with LGBT members were active in the church. Two of them being adults of longtime members highly thought of in the church.

The denomination had pressured Pastor Bruce to back the church off on its stance. But, in the past seven years, it had gone from a struggling church of just 100 members to a strong and growing church of now five hundred members.

Darla was seen as different by some comfortable with lesbian and gay members. The next week when a boy, Carl, came dressed as a girl came to church. The Church invited some from a Princeton seminary to talk with them.

Carl or Carlie as she called herself was already in counseling and didn’t want the situation to be about her. She told the pastor; Pastor B and the resource person from Princeton University agreed to honor her request as the healthy way to approach their study. Carl did meet and give the leaders some good things to think about.

The discussion, however, did not go over well with two other churches in the community. Pastor Bruce and the congregation regretted the strain in relationships with the other churches but stood with their decisions.

Ironically Doug’s prior challenge of Darla being worthy of running a large lumber-hardware business spoke well with many in the larger community.

Had Doug Dragon won his bet with Darla; Darla would have dressed and worked as a man for the next month. Darla’s bet was if she won that Doug would wear women’s work shirts and either pink overalls or a denim skirt. She had asked for two weeks but had softened that and said at least one week.

While Doug was known as a hot-headed braggart. He with some grace accepted the two weeks. He also had to pay for the materials he used on his projects. It had been agreed that the news of the contest was not to make the local or area newspapers. The news actually provided goodwill all around the area and with the families they helped.

Come the second weekend the Brigg’s family, the winner of the shopping spree. They enjoyed their shopping spree even more as the Ace Corporation contributed another $1,000 to their shopping spree.

Come to the end of the second Sunday night, Dara was exhausted. Once I got home Jodi invited me to come and eat a dinner she had prepared. I was half-awake as I walked in, and less so when I moved the plate and set my head down. Jodi began to massage my neck and shoulders. I was back sitting up when I turned and pulled her around to me. I stood and began to kiss her. She tried to say something, but we were mutually caught up in our kissing one another.

It was three o’clock in the morning; I woke up in her bed and made my way upstairs to my apartment.

It was that next week when the church study had started. It became a bit of a struggle for Darla as she was already physically tired. She was quickly becoming emotionally drained. It would take his Mom, Jodi, and Dr. Casandra Youngblood, the Psychiatrist to help her/him make her way through the coming weeks. Darla made an emergency trip back to Pt. Pleasant to see the Psychiatrist. Cassandra made an unheard-of Saturday trip to see Darla in her work atmosphere.

Dr. Cassandra explained, “Much of your psyche is that of a man, and my experience tells me meeting you where you’re active might give a better picture of who you are. And you might talk more freely.” I was active as we met, but I had kept active with projects and not dealing with customers. I thought my visit with her was going well. The more I talked the more anxious I became to hear what she was thinking.

Cassandra finally spoke saying, “Well, I’ve allowed our visit to go longer since this is my only visit today. I gather you’re anxious, but it seems that you have made a lot of progress. You have stepped forward and taken control of your life. You have made a lot of good decisions and followed through.”

I interrupted, “You said mostly. Which decisions did you disagree with?”

She said, “I didn’t say I disagreed with any. I was remarking about the ones I knew enough to say that. …Visiting like this, I think I was hearing you voice your anxiety as Heath. It seems like you are still thinking through a lot as Heath. And then it’s like another part of you; Darla is deciding it is okay to move forward even showing confidence as you do so. But it’s a lot for you to work through this. I am very pleased with you. Do you have any idea how you’d like to address your anxiety?”

Dr. Youngblood wrote a note that I agreed with and that she would communicate with the facilitator of my support group. “Heath’s thinking is one of stuffing his feelings inside which often leaves others wondering. The more she can embrace her thoughts and actions as being from the same person whether you’re presenting as Darla or Heath the better she will be overall.”

We agreed I’d meet with her every third week with a conference call on a secured landline in between as needed.

She wanted to have me as Darla to go shopping with her. We agreed that I’d do it as an extension of my next appointment in Pt. Pleasant. Some session after that she was interested in meeting with Jodi if I was willing. Especially as she was supportive and we were just starting to think of marriage.

My parents and I planned to eat out that night, so it was good that I kept it as extended family time.

My father was now the one joking about being the odd person out. For much of their marriage, my mother had felt she was. My sister if at all possible tried not to go out with the family if my brothers went along. Nowadays we often travel part of the way to Grace’s and one or both of her daughters would come along.

Mom loved it and so did Dad, but he would get frustrated some of the time when I, Darla got invested in the feminine conversation. I especially like it when Bethany was there, I enjoyed the three generations of women visiting.

It was fall when I decided to commit to being Darla and have breast enhancements. Dr. Cheryl Whittier was my endocrinologist’s surgeon of choice for such surgeries as well as transitioning further. I became much more emotional about everything when it happened than I had anticipated.

Upon my first visit to Dr. Cheryl, she said, “You appear to be a woman with her head on right. You’re young enough if you’re going to fully transition please let me see you through this. I’d like you to take until next Friday to think everything through.” She asked, “Is your lover Jodi going to accept you fully as a woman? If she changes her mind after you two have a baby together. How would you feel, if she doesn’t want Heath to transition?”

“I’ll be willing to schedule the procedure next Friday. I want you and her to be more certain about what you’re planning. I know things can change but the changes should be manageable. Taking hormones and each surgery will impact your total being. You’ll love the woman you’re becoming if we think through this holistically.

“I believe I’m the best surgeon around for these surgeries and your success in fully transitioning.”

Tears were welling up inside and what Dr. Cheryl was saying took in my doubts as well as my desires. I wanted to hug her as I was feeling very emotional, but she thought I might be very angry when I stepped back. “Please don’t drawback, I think you might be correct. It has been something I’ve been resisting to fully commit myself."

A wave of relief came over both of us when we realized we were on the same page. She explained how she would use part of my penis in my transition to being more sensitive later in having sex as a woman. I had been planning the fastest and least expensive way all the way through. If what she was saying was true. I would be shortchanging the woman I wanted to be.

I asked if Jodi could come in and visit with us. It would help us in planning our future, and I’d find out if we were thinking along the same lines. Dr. Whittier, like me, was impressed that Jodi had done a lot of research. She also confessed that she was a lesbian before. She said, “I had gotten married to prove I wasn’t.”

Her oldest two children had found out the truth, this past year. Feeling she couldn’t keep the truth from her children, she had confessed to them. Paula had confronted her mother some three months earlier, and had asked again why she was feeling guilty about their Dad’s death. “Mom is that part of what you meant that there was more to it?”

“That is a big part of it. I felt he was distracted, trying to figure out if he did something wrong. I was afraid he might somehow be alive and happy if I hadn’t told him.”

Paula had told her, “Mom it wasn’t your fault you’re a lesbian. The way you two loved each other, he couldn’t have had a better wife or mom for us. It seems like a blessing since that Heath as Darla came into our lives.”

“I thought it was funny when you found some of her clothes when you checked her apartment and were afraid there was another woman. It turned out to be the girl side of Heath. That was so funny. He’s as much like a mommy to his daughters as he’s a dad. Neither of you should try to change yourself nor the other.”

When Samantha was told she had both her Mom as well as her big sister’s support. Sam, as she was often called, had gone to her dad’s grandparents. Grandmother had told her, “Your father knew even before your mother told him. Your Aunt Gloria told him that was why she became your mom’s best friend. She didn’t trust herself with Patricia Hughes, so they broke the friendship.

“Grandmother knew that hadn’t changed you inside. She told me that I have the same wonderful Mommy that I ever had. …I think the only thing Grandma is afraid of is if you stopped us from seeing them.”

Jodi froze for a moment and she shook after that. “I hope she and you kids know I would never do that. Grandma is like my second Mom to me. And they are a lot closer than my mom. Grandma especially has become even dearer to us.”

“Mommy, I know and Grandma knows. She even thinks that Darla’s good for you.”

Jodi is again surprised by what Samantha has told her. “When did Grandma say something about Darla? She hadn’t said anything to me.”

“Grandmother said, ‘It was between us that she didn’t want to influence you one way or the other.’ I hope she won’t mind what I told you. I just thought now was a good time to say it”

Paula was there and she hugged Sam and Jodi hugged them both, saying, “You young lady did well, really well for your Grandma and me.”

Paula said, “Mom, I just want you to take your time. We like Darla, but you’re both going through a lot. I read it could be a very emotional time for Darla if she transitions. She’ll need your support, but she’ll also need space to find her new self.”

Jodi’s eyes water and she shakes her head ever so slightly. “When did my girls get so wise? Paula, is this part of the young nurse in the making?”

Paula says, “Nurse or engineer I still have until next year to decide.”

Jodi says, “You’ll have two years, next year you’ll only be a junior.” Jodi knows, Paula wants to decide what she’s going to do and visit the appropriate universities. Paula is so intelligent and gifted; her mom knows most medical places will encourage Paula to become a medical student and become a doctor.

How she would be able to afford it, she didn’t know. It did seem more plausible now that it did even six to eight months ago.

Darla has seen her Psychiatrist and her other doctors. While she knew what she wanted to do, she didn’t see any way she could do it with her new business just starting.

Darla’s Mother and Father were already having Darla over for dinner tonight. But her mother called on her way back from the doctor's visits. The phone rang in the car and Darla answered, “Darla, I wanted to call and make sure you and Grace are not stopping on your way back from all the doctors. Grace needs to plan to eat and stay over.”

I asked, “What’s up to Mom, you have Grace’s and my attention.”

Their mother spoke, “It’s not as bad as it sounds. It might even be beneficial for you Darla.”

Grace speaks loud enough so her mother will be able to hear her. “Ma don’t beat around the bush. What’s not as bad as it sounds?”

To be continued…