It was the weekend after Black Friday when a group of friends: guys, and women, were back together starting with breakfast, this time near Chicago. They've been friends since starting high school or before. They're together for a weekend away from college or work. Most of the guys were pumped up for another weekend of football and pub hopping. The women were going shopping for one another and a little self-indulgence, as Jennifer phrased it. The gals had paid their breakfast bills and were moving to leave. When Jennifer turned around and spoke. “Josh, would you like to come with us?”

Dick asked, “Just him, you’re not inviting us?”

Cori said, “I’m glad you understand. Josh relates well with us, you’d ruin the day we have planned.” She and the other women giggle among themselves.

Harry said, “Hey Josh, do you know what kind of man that makes you?”

Josh spoke up, “Lucky and very fortunate, I’d say.” That wasn’t what Tom, Dick, or Harry were thinking, but his response was accurate. He was fairly smart in school and graduated when he was barely seventeen. Tom and Harry had the habit of reminding Josh that he was younger, and in their minds naive.

Tom said to the women, “Girls are you taking him with you so you can train him up in the way you like?”

Jennifer spoke saying, “No, we just don’t want you weakening his mind with the same old games of football and beer.”

The women begin to walk away with Josh happily in their group. Once they’re outside, Ainsley sprays a plume of perfume that Josh walks into. “Now you’re officially in the club, I hope you don’t mind.”

Josh says, “I appreciate being with you, plus the fragrance is subtle. I like it.”

Most of the morning was spent window shopping and visiting one another. They were stopped at a makeup counter. The cosmetician there, a woman named Alexis, was well trained and very personable. Jenn, Cori, Ainsley, and Meg were all enjoying the time immensely.

Alexis turned to Josh, “Oh what beautiful eyes and eyelashes you have. I bet you are teased about having them…” She saw from Josh’s true expression, “I dare say you should consider another perspective.” She paused, realizing Josh was not protesting nor strongly disagreeing with her.

Alexis said to Josh, “I bet you don’t quite understand the fuss over your eyes. If you’d let me work on your eyes for just a few minutes; you’d understand the remarks you’ve always heard from women.”

Josh mumbled, “Even from my mother, her friends, as well as my grandmothers and girl cousins, they still bug me about them."

Josh huffs as though he's annoyed but doesn’t walk away. He looks around and the others aren’t laughing just being quiet. Their subtle smiles indicate nothing. Finally, he asks, “If I allow you to do it so I can see what you’re speaking about; will you be able to take it off and help me look normal again?”

Alexis tells Josh, “Most certainly, I wouldn’t expect you to keep the look unless you were pleased with seeing yourself like that.”

Josh confesses, “I’ve heard people saying that since I was four, but all I ever see are my eyelashes, nothing girly. They’re nothing special.” Jenn pats the cosmetic chair that’s there for those to be made over. He sits there with a smile creeping onto his face, hoping along bedded puzzlement will clear up.

Alexis uses a makeup wipe to make sure the skin around his eyes is clean of natural oils that might interfere. She focuses on Josh’s eyebrows as she waits for his skin to dry naturally. She pulls some stray hairs and does a little shaping, nothing noticeable at least to him. She asks, “Would it be okay to use an eyeliner?”

Josh says, “Yes, as long as it too will come back off.”

Josh stares ahead not moving his eyes or head; occasionally sees Jenn or Ainsley from the corner of his eyes. Ainsley’s expression says she’s pleased, otherwise, neither indicates very much. Alexis uses a dark purplish-blue mascara getting both upper and lower eyelashes.

She’s ready to allow Josh to see the end product in a mirror. Jennifer speaks up, “That’s impressive, but if she… if he had eye-shadow wouldn’t that be more telling.”

Alexis pulls back the mirror, “Josh, I’ve done what you agreed to. What your friend Jennifer is suggesting might explain why people say your eyes should be on a girl. Would you like to see them now or for me to go a step further?”

Josh says, “If I look now you could still do the eyeshadow thing couldn’t you?” He pauses, “I’d like to see them now.” Alexis brings back the mirror and sets it on the counter before Josh. He turns and looks into the mirror and moves his face until he can fully see his face in the mirror. His mouth begins to form the expression ‘Oh’ and his hands come up to cover part of his face but not his eyes.

Jennifer is looking over his shoulder, her hands are warmly there. “Do you like it,” she softly asks?

Josh turns to Alexis, “But how could you or others know, I never wore makeup like this?”

Alexis says, “Women even as young teens have come to sense what makeup might help to bring out their eyes and other features. Jennifer and the others didn’t need makeup to see the beauty of your eyes. You have a nice smile that goes well with your eyes.”

Josh turns to Jenn and the others and they’re all agreeing as are a small crowd of women. Jenn and Josh hug each other. Jenn is sure their faces don’t mess with the makeup of the other. She whispers, “Would you be open to seeing it with eyeshadow?”

Alexis knew what she asked, as Josh contemplates, “I’d look foolish if I did that.”

Jenn and others in the small crowd that has now gathered shake their heads, ‘no’. Someone softly said, “Just more attractive.” She begins to apologize for speaking up, but says, “You’re already an attractive man. I could enjoy being with someone like you.”

Josh agrees to allow Alexis to add the eyeshadow. Alexis says something to Ainsley and turned back to Josh. “Thank you for being so cooperative, and you can stop me whenever.” She says, “I’m going to use a little foundation and makeup so the eyes show properly.” She’s soon done, including brushing his hair a little. Josh sets to see the completed look.

A look in the mirror shows an attractive-looking college woman looking back. Alexis says, “Josh, you look more like a Josey. I’m going to pack this small shoulder purse with the makeup and things that I’ve used and a little more. They’re all yours for being so accommodating.” Ainsley raises a white satin blouse and a black piece of clothing. He can’t tell as it hangs whether it is a skirt or pair of slacks in her hands. Josh is neither sure nor does he care.

Josh says, “I’ve already done enough.”

Ainsley says, “I just was hoping you’d not take off your makeup. The top is kind of a unisex top and it would help you in carrying the purse, but I’d be willing to carry it if you’re embarrassed.”

Josh takes hold of the blouse and there’s a camisole to go underneath it, all he knows is it’s like an undershirt. He looks at it and turns to Jennifer, “Do I dare do it?”

Jenn looking back at him says, “It’s up to you, but it would be fine with us.” Josh has both the top and the cami and then looks around. Jenn says, “I’ll show you to a changing room.”

Josh turns to Alexis, “What do I owe you for all of this?”

Alexis says, “The makeover is free and I’m giving you the makeup and essential things. There’s well over two hundred in makeup and stuff. You’d need to pay for the purse and clothing.”

Josh followed Jenn to the changing room and when she says, “The one just around the corner that is open. You won’t be bothering anyone. Josh felt peculiar but decided it was a one-time thing, and in for a penny, in for a pound. Once changed he notices his shoes missing. Stepping out in his black socks, he went out to his friends. Cori said, “Try these on your feet.” They are a pair of black shiny loafers.

It was now one-thirty and the small breakfast had worn off. They went to a nice restaurant near the shops that they were still interested in looking at. When the hostess said, “This way ladies.” Josh was more at ease with how he looked to others.

While they talked as they ate, Megan asked, “Is it alright if we call you Josey for the rest of the trip? During the afternoon and until they finished shopping around six, the focus was on them as women.

Josh/Josey was comfortable watching the others shop; though he was now seeing their clothes choices from a different viewpoint. 'Pun, not intended,' he thought. He enjoyed the colors they were looking at and noticed what fit loosely and what snuggled their figures. He observed a black skirt wondering if it went with what he was wearing, but said and did nothing.

It was five-thirty when the women were shopping for intimate apparel. The women were talking about their staying together at the hotel but having nothing special to wear. He thought to himself, what they were looking at was not much more than nothing. He knew they were not looking at things in the same way.

Jenn said, “When we get back to the hotel Josey, you can shower and we’ll help take the makeup off. You can then dress in your stuff and get back to the guys for the last of the football games.” Sure enough, when they passed a place with a TV; another football game was just getting ready to start and another game would begin in two and a half hours.

Once in the lobby of the hotel, they went to the lounge and ordered appetizers and some wine. Everyone was enjoying themselves, even Josh, still in Josey's persona. It was there Jenn first suggested, “You know Josey, you could complete your experience staying with us for the night.”

Ainsley said, “Remember though, it’s a women’s time with no sex included.” Josh didn’t need that said. He was enjoying the day and even lost track that he was dressed as Josey. Except for keeping Josey’s voice that he needed to be mindful, he didn't out himself. Most of the time he tried not to talk when others were around.

They visited for another hour exhausting a good list of things to converse about. One included what they thought was important in a man they’d like to have. The choices were: 1) A big pleasing dick and how he performed in bed; 2) his lips and kisses and whether he inspired romantic feelings; 3) his physique and how nice he was to look at, or 4) lastly if he had a combination of intelligence and being attractive. Ironically they decided to start this discussion with Josey as she was usually the last to speak up.

Josey thought at first they were kidding about his participation and then Josh protested. Finally, Jennifer said, “We’ll order another bottle of wine and let each of us think about it until we’re served.”

While waiting Josey asked, “And how did you come up with these four choices?”

Meg smiled saying, “We’ve each had those experiences; one way or another. You should have an advantage on us getting to be in the locker room and showers with guys.”

Cori says, “And please don’t tell me you guys never look at each other. One guy I went out with was half drunk when he told me most of you did. I didn’t think it was reliable information. But another guy confessed it was true that the locker room and an exciting game make team members more attractive to some. He clarified it saying he was talking about straight guys, not someone who was known to be gay.”

The wine arrived, poured into our glasses, and a toast was offered. Jenn says, “Now Josey, you’re not getting out of this, so get talking.”

Josey did protest for over five minutes, and finally seven minutes. It became inevitable that the others weren’t backing away from their persistence. Josey finally said, “Guess it would be in the lips and the inspiring of romance.”

Ainsley said, “Back up, you need to say it would be his lips and kissing and finding him romantic.”

“You wore me down, I’m not worried about the words. His lips and kissing me as well as inciting romantic feelings between us. There I’ve said it, onto the next person.”

Ainsley asks, “Would it be a young man having strong forceful lips, or a guy with warm, surprisingly soft lips? Surprisingly, I find a lot of men have the latter. What do you like Josey?”

Without thinking Josey begins talking, “Warm, damp lips, a degree of softness but not mushy. It would be how he felt in my arms and his face to my touch… A passionate kiss probing or caressing my neck and ears. I like doing the same…” A pause knowing he said more than asked, Josey looked around, “Enough I’m done.” He couldn’t quite remember all that he said, but looking around he knew it was more than enough.

The others gave their responses with more detail than Josey and more in-depth the why. Cori picked the big strong dick and went into how she wanted a man who was solid to match it. “He has to know how to use it nicely. No wham, bam, bam, bam, thank you, mam. He needs to have a brain that knows how to use it to please me. I want to be able to moan with joy on my way to ecstasy. Don’t all of you like to feel him inside of you, causing erotic pleasure?”

Ainsley agreed with Josey, “He has to be attractive to me, but as an oldies song goes, “It’s in his kiss. I want a nice romantic kiss to begin and end each time we’re together. I don’t want it to be routine but come from his heart. A good kisser should be able to caress me in many places and ways. I’m not experienced when it comes to sex, but I know good romance when the chemistry is right. Brian was like that in high school. There’s been Logan in college, but the results aren’t completely in on him. But then again I’m not ready to settle on a guy.”

Cori quickly begins, “Sorry Jenn and Meg, but I don’t want to be last, and I know what I like. His physique needs to be of a guy in shape, a well-sculpted figure of a man. I don’t want a muscle-bound guy or someone in love with himself. Most of us like Josh’s body and the fact he runs and works to stay in good condition.”

Others interrupt her at that point, “You weren’t to say that. If it goes to his head you’re in trouble with the rest of us.”

Josh says, “You’re teasing me aren’t you?” The group is shaking their heads no. He never would have guessed. He had gone out with each one, but friendship seemingly kept it from going further into a relationship.

Here he was in December of his third year in college, and he could finish his degree next December or earlier. He’d want a master’s degree at least, so it would be two and a half years. It hadn’t been hard keeping his focus because he didn’t think there was anyone interested in him. Jenn and he both went to universities in Chicago and Ainsley wasn’t that far away in South Bend, Indiana.

Cori went into more detail about the physical side of things she liked in men, but then came the surprise, at least for Josh and Meg. Cori liked having sex with guys, now and then, but she came out about being a lesbian. The knowing smiles of Ainsley and Jenn were there. She talked about one person they knew from high school, but it wasn’t any of them. She mentioned Abby from work, all the women knew Abby to be a woman at least three years Cori's senior and a climber in their company. Abby was an athletic type of woman and attractive. Cori made no secret among the group that the attraction was strong and mutual. Seemingly Abby let Cori work in the company for six months before knowing Cori better. Cori was happy with the company. Abby even encouraged Cori to continue her education by taking night classes to help her reach her potential.

Megan said like Jenn would say, “The man needs a good degree of intelligence and he needs to respect mine. Being attractive doesn’t need to mean what one might think. I could be attracted to a man of a different background. It could feed my desire to travel and know different people and places.

“We’d explore ways to enjoy one another. He’d listen and not be put off if I guided him to please me. Like I try to be open to the other person and their wants. I think it would need to be a man, but I’m not sure. I’ve enjoyed a couple of times with women but haven’t been drawn to a relationship with either of them.”

Josh is surprised as each woman seems to identify with the last statement. “It could be one of us if he could embrace his feminine side more. But no, Josh would be too familiar, I’d want to journey more.” The group talked more about exploring ideas that have arisen from the discussions.

Jennifer said, “I would have to choose both the romantic and the intelligence of a person I find to be attractive.” Ainsley and Meg, at the same time, speak up, “Leave it to Jenn to pick two. …She would pick ‘the thinker’ if he made it off his ass and could get out of himself.”

“Not true,” said Jenn to Megan, “I had the Thinker and his ability was too philosophical for me. He had trouble imagining possibilities outside of his thinking and I felt he was cold to the bone. I want someone in touch with feelings and can see the artistic elements of the universe.”

“I see a romantic who is not only intelligent in thought but connects that thought to life. I like being near, I have met one and we made some beautiful music together. Later, however, I found he was already committed to another. I hope I’m not calloused too much that I won’t trust the next one I find.” Cori felt the need to speak and said, “He doesn’t exist.”

Jenn turned to Josey, “Josey do you think he might exist?”

“More than one I’d hope,” Josey sighed, “or poor Josh doesn’t have a chance.”

Josey went up with the women to their suite; where they’d help take off his makeup. Then he'd shower and he could get back to the guys. The women had Josh shower and get refreshed, hopefully looking more like himself. Once dried he wrapped a towel around him and went out to find his clothes. There on the box spring of the bed with his clothes to one side, and a short nightgown on another. A knock on the door marked the presence of Jenn.

She said, “You know you’re more than welcome to stay as Josey; we know she’s Josh too. All you need to do is put on the nightgown and the panty and join us. If you do, we want you to stay the night.”

Josh looks and the nightgown is short and the panty can’t be much. “It’s not much and I have more to hide.”

Jenn steps in halfway, “That’s what I’m wearing and when you sit around the circle. You’ll see we’re not hiding much either. She steps in nearer to Josh and lifts a small bottle of spray perfume. A light mist flies in the air, “We would love you to stay.” She turns around and goes back to the main room, glancing back once as she steps through the door.

Josh selected what he’d wear and then brushed out his hair. Josey stepped out into the suite finding four mattresses had been pulled out and placed together. There were pillows from the beds and cushions and pillows from the furniture forming a circle on the mattresses. The only one whom you could not see through their panty was Josey. They had left two panty liners with instructions for Josey. Josey would close out the night and see it to the morning as a woman. It was hours later that each of the five would drift off to sleep.

Josh fell asleep only after he was kissed numerous times by Jennifer.

He woke up in the morning sure he had a recurring dream. He had them before more than once with Ainsley and Jennifer. The only difference this time; it was the first time all four women were in his dream at the same time and he had spent the day together with them. This was the first time his girl image was named Josey. When he awoke, he was saddened, it was just a dream…

He stretched to wake up and rolled to the edge of the mattress, so his feet could find the floor. His feet hit the floor much too early in their descent, an arm and hand touched him. It was Jennifer, she was lifting herself on an elbow, “I have a question for you. I had a dream, hoping you Josh and you Josey could be my Christmas dream come true?”

Jennifer and Josey were quickly making love as Cori, Ainsley and Megan threw sheets and bedspreads over them. No complaints or taunts to stop. Jennifer and Josey say sweet nothing and moaned, finally Josey answered for her and Josh…

To be continued...

Josey said, “Jenn, if I do, I am not sure how I’d do it and not look like I’m just Josh in girl’s clothes. I know I won’t be able to do it on my own. Plus I’m afraid what my family will think of me”

Jenn says, “I’ll take you to my suite. We’ll help collect enough things for studying for now. You need to experience being Josey to make a good decision about this being you.”

‘Oh my, she’s hoping long term.’ Josey making out with her was fantastic, but what she’s thinking takes a 24/7 girl. I know I’m a girl but I never believed I'd get this chance, I’m not ready.

Jenn says, “I have a full-size bed. If we want to be staying together and we’ll both be finished exams come Wednesday morning. You can even call your parents and tell them I’m bringing Josey home.”

“Yeah. And what do you think my parents say? ‘O fine, we’re longing to see her.’”

Jenn says, “You’re an adult, they just need to accept if this is your decision.” 'Jenn is a type ‘A’ person and it fits with her thinking and her family. I’m more passive; I’m a turtle when it comes to moving ahead and making changes. Last night was something, I loved and believe this is me but I didn’t intend to follow through, not now and probably no time in the near future, if ever.'

I say, “But you know my parents…”

Jenn smiles with a serious glare, “I know your parents as well as you. It’s you that I am most anxious about. That’s why I want you with me. It will be you taking the needed steps. I’ll just be there holding your hand.”

“Josey, you need to shower and get dressed and made up so we can go to breakfast. We’ll help you with the finishing touches, just do all you can.”

Josey used Jenn’s shower and knew she needed to shave her legs and more for today. This was like a dream come true. Joshua has little to nothing in the way of facial hair and the facial cleansing mask has helped give Josey’s complexion a softer look. She’s using a facial scrub and lotion that helps to minimize the need of any concealer.

Her legs weren’t bad in getting through the yesterday. But she knew better than not to shave her legs and underarms to look as she wanted. Josh had no idea that Jenn was in the bathroom or what she could see. “I came in to tell you to make sure you shaved. It is good to see you making the decision on your own. Even your silhouette reflects you’re Josey.”

The shower curtain opens and quickly closes as Jenn scoots into the shower. She is soon using a big sudsy cloth to help wash Josey. She knows Josey is loving the attention. Jenn’s kisses to Josey’s back bring goosebumps. She loads up the sudsy cloth; handing it to Josey and guiding her hand down to Josh’s privates down in front of her body. Once the area is soapy, Josey dropped the cloth and is hand washing the crevices around the little sack and the shaft.

Jenn can tell Josey is feeling bad that she had become excited, but it wasn’t showing as it might. Jenn caused Josey to turn and gives her a warm embrace. “I’m more your sister when it comes to you like Josh.” Josey hugs Jenn hiding her eyes in shame, “I was afraid you wouldn’t understand. I love you more than you can ever know.”

Jenn’s voice was warm and happy as she said, “I think I do. My wish is that you will know how much I or another woman will love you and can feel your love. If I’m not to be the love of your life, I want to be the best friend after the one who loves you like no other.”

“Enough, for now, Josey, it will take time for you to find yourself and you’ll have all the time needed to explore the love and joy you have inside. I believe you’ll find much of it different than you might anticipate.”

Cori and Ainsley had gone down for breakfast ahead of the others to let the guys know they needed to be good or the women would eat separately from them. Josey was scared about going down to breakfast knowing the guys were there. Megan and Jennifer assured Josey that she looked fine and reminded her the guys were already friends.

Harry was reasonably nice at breakfast. He was surprised by how much Josh actually looked good as a woman. “You don’t need to be scared of us. You know we don’t bite as much as we bark. Who knows maybe Richard will actually like you more like this.” Harry had learned last night that Richard, Dick, now sees himself as liking men as well as women. It wasn’t a big surprise, but something he finally owned up to.

Josey had no interest in Tom, Dick or Harry as anything more than old friends.

Josey was careful about driving her car back to NW University in Chicago. Josey stopped and helped Jenn into her residence suite, also taking up the things that were Josey’s. They then went and got the things Josey needed, including a change for Josh.

Brad, my roommate, was surprised to see me like I was in my gathering some of my things. I had three exams left before I was finished with this semester. My notes, computer, tablet, books, and stuff had to come. I could use some of my shower stuff. A couple of oversized shirts as well as a few things that were hidden away.

Nan and Ginger have mixed feelings about me being in the suite with them, but Jenn already had Sofia’s permission to use her old room. Sofia had moved in with someone, and she would be back on Tuesday to get the rest of her belongs. Sofia was from the high school next to us and knew of Josh. She was now interested to see the transformation as she said, “I want to see Josey now so when we’re graduating in another year I’ll recognize her. Hopefully, she actually will be even a more convincing woman by then.”

Sof’ and I paid would pay for Chinese but she had already ordered before she came over and see me.

Tomorrow’s exam was for environmental statistics and analysis. It would include solving research problems as well as diagraming it for public understanding. Ph.D. Elizabeth Droll was one who never went with easily scored exams in her advanced courses. I have her the next semester and for a January focus course. Her grad assistants will help to give and monitor the exam. I’m sure she’ll also be there. It will be my first encounter as Josey with any faculty member. While they’re fairly liberal, a person in my position is not guaranteed how they well respond other than politically correctly outwardly.

I am in the satin pajamas I used the night before as I’m studying. Nan knocked and entered our suite as she had a question on notes from a class. “Damn Josey, you’re already relaxed and studying as I do. Will you also want to step out later and get some fresh air with us?”

I hadn’t thought of it and usually didn’t as I usually studied in one of the libraries and got the cold fresh air on my way back to my room. Thinking, I finally ask when and where. Nan says. “Tonight it will be at 1:30 there will be at least five of us, not counting you. We’ll walk toward the lake, how far we go will be determined by the wind and cold.”

She asked her questions and we discussed what we were taught and read. Nan’s still standing there and finally asks, “So?” I look up and she says point blank, “So are you walking with us?”

I ask, “Is Jenn going?”

Nan responds, “No and her umbilical cord doesn’t stretch that far. I guess not.”

Stunned with her forthrightness, I say, “It was just a question. Yes, I’d like to go.”

I had been fighting sleep a while before the walk. I had to use a coat of Jenn’s along with a fussy hat to try and stay warm. The women walked at a good pace while talking much of the time. Midway in the walk, Nan told them I was Jenn’s friend Josh. The second half of the trip, Nan and I were explaining the weekend and my becoming Josey. Adele spoke of a group I should be in when I’m back. She also volunteered to tell Dr. Droll “Josh Greene be coming to take the exam as Josey, but I would sign my exam as Josh Greene if it would be okay.”

I’m back from the walk ready to resume studying, but Jenn says “Your mother called and she wants you to call back NOW! It’s not an emergency but she can’t sleep since I told her about you. She wants you to know she’ll be out of earshot of your father.”

I quickly become anxious as I decided to call. I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything else anyway. “Hi Momma, I’m okay. How are you?”

She said, “Skip the pleasantries. Why weren’t you the one who called me?” I hadn’t known Jenn had called her. I was waiting until after tomorrow’s exam that’s if I could work up the nerve.

“Momma, it was our weekend get together and I wasn’t planning what happened,” Mom spoke… Then I responded, “No, I’m not denying that but I had never put the name Josey to being me. Nor did I expect to come home as Josey. …No. I’m not ashamed of her being me. It’s just…” My mother had asked and received a picture of me from Jenn. I expect it was more than one picture. Mom said, "You look good and content with yourself.

When I told her I hadn’t been to a salon. She said, "I'll try to get you an appointment for Friday or Saturday morning."

I tried telling her I didn’t need one since I had not fully decided anything yet. Momma said, “Having your hair done will make you more presentable to others who know you. It’ doesn’t need to be fancy or formal, just to present you as a young woman dear.”

She was going to tell my Dad and felt a need to tell Robin my youngest sister. I’m happy that mom is comfortable with me coming home as Josey and wanting to tell others about me. But she hasn’t mentioned Diana yet. “Mom you didn’t mention Diana; isn’t she already home from college?”

Mother says, “She is getting excited about her boyfriend, but it’s a sensitive relationship. His parents are set in their views. And well, I’m not sure how she would take your news. I know personally, it won’t be a big surprise to her. She knew you liked her clothes and were much closer than most brothers are. …Her David saw it as a big step in dealing with some of her LG friends if that tells you anything.”

“Well, Josh/Josey you need to get back to your studies… You said before Wednesday exam wouldn’t be hard; so I was wondering about coming that way and seeing you. I’d be staying at your Aunt Cathy’s. If you have the time I’d like to buy an outfit for my eldest daughter. Please thank Jenn for calling. Is there any chance you can get that extra bed in their suite?”

“Momma I can’t believe you not only accept this; you’re pushing it. What’s up?”

She surprised me in saying, “We caught you when you were smaller dressing up. I can’t prove it, but enough has gone on where your sisters’ clothes or mine are concerned since. Well, I don’t think it was one of us. You’re just better at hiding things now that you’re older. …Let’s say Jenn’s call wasn’t surprising.”

Mom asks, “I’ll ask your Aunt Cathy if I can visit her tomorrow night she and I can do a little holiday shopping. Then I see you for dinner. After your second exam, I’ll help Josey buy an outfit or two.” I’m not sure I can take that and try telling her, but she’s set on doing it.

I can’t believe it, with three hours of sleep I’m awake; getting ready as Josey to get breakfast and get to my exam. I’m wearing a long skater skirt with leggings, and a rose pink sweater Jenn’s giving me. Nan’s with Jenn and I at breakfast, “I text Dr. Droll; explaining how you’re showing up for the exam. She said as long as you sign it as Josh Greene you’re good. If you take the two hours you’re given for the exam; she’d like to visit with you for a minute afterward.”

I will need to communicate to Instructor Happel about Tuesday and Dr. Bridgett Saunders for my last exam on Wednesday. It’s a focused study of the rivers, lakes, and land of the upper Midwest.

Nan and I are there ten minutes before the exam. I was surprised that no one recognizes me until Nan tells Thalli. Thalli’s from an African nation, but by now was quite at home in speaking American English as British English was spoken in her country. “I can appreciate your difficulty in coming out. It very difficult for men to embrace being a girl in my country. I am sure there be many more than dare to show themselves. We talk sometimes. I am glad to be a friend.”

Clarice with a knowing eye smiled at me as she gave me my exam booklet. “Remember how to sign it please.” I gave a courteous thank you.

True to form the exam took most of the time given to us. I waited the time left over out in the hallway. Dr. Droll waved me back into the room. She started the conversation, “Hello Josey, I just wanted to personally welcome the new you. I have been a professor here for a while. This is not that surprising. I was wondering if you’d mind hearing from someone old enough to be your aunt.”

I smiled as I have a lot of admiration for her and quickly wondered if she could be a mentor for me as Josey. “Dr. Droll, I’m not quite sure what to say, except yes.”

She says, “This is as a friend, no Dr., please. I just want you to know my door is open to you. I hope others don’t frighten you enough to change you from being you. You’re a good student and I know you’ve taken flack for being a pro-environmentalist. Not the simple flag waver or one who pushes ‘like’ on FB. I hope you’re the same emerging as a young woman. Your friend Jennifer, says you’re for real. I respect her opinion as well as my knowing you.

“Despite being a so-called liberal institution, it can be hard on you as you become more visible. Some people you thought to be friends might not turn out to be. Others will feel it’s their duty to remold you into the image they want for you. Though you make a plausible woman visibly; there will be others who shine lights on all your blemishes. The truth is real women aren’t perfect, please don’t feel the need be, nor ashamed of whom you are.”

We had a short discussion and I’m to see her for a luncheon soon after I get back from the holiday break.

I got back to Jenn’s residence and started studying for the next day’s exam. I did notify Instructor Happel of my change; his response was, “Whatever.” He’ll see me tomorrow. I also contacted my counselor about my residence. He said, “If you can work it out with Jennifer and her roommates as well as the student who moved out; it can be done. You would need to put down a holding deposit until everything is approved and your payment is in for January and next semester.”

I told him, “I would be able to do that come tomorrow.” He sounded like a used car dealer, saying, “By tomorrow that room could be spoken for. I already have requests from women wanting to move.” I could have argued that it couldn’t be, but instead I used a credit card to hold it. The deposit could be lost if I didn’t get the room.

My studying was disrupted come six o’clock when Jenn told me, “I’ve heard from your mother. She and Aunt Cathy are taking us out to dinner in half an hour.”

I said, “She didn’t call me. How can she expect me to be ready on time?”

Jenn giggled, “Your suitemate told her. Now you get ready, you don’t need to wear anything fancy.”

I said, “Heck, I don’t. It will be the first time I’ll be seeing my Mom as Josey and she sees me as a daughter. Tell her when she gets here where they can park and do not come on up for fifteen minutes. I’m getting cleaned up to look nice.”

Nan was there and laughed, “That’ll be quick, you’re thinking like a woman who’s been at this.”

I tried to hurry but after I cleaned up, pulling a snug pair of panties and stockings that Jenn had out for me. I was feeling so many sensations shoot from my legs throughout my body. I drew attention from Jenn and Nan. Nan said, “Girl control yourself or I’ll throw some ice down your back to cool you off.”

“I didn’t make sounds like that!”

Jenn snapped, “Oh yes you did! We love it, but your mother and aunt may not.”

The embarrassment brought me back to earth, though pulling the pretty skirt up my legs, added to what I was experiencing. I put on a bright pink bra not realizing my bright pink bra would show through. I hear Mom and my Aunt enter the suite as I’m stepping out to greet them. I’m quickly distracted by Nan and Jenn simultaneously saying “Oops.” Mom and Aunt Cathy look around and it took a minute for my mother to recognize and figure which is me. Then her hand goes up to her mouth stifling a comment.

Jenn stepped to me and whispered, “Act as though you were intending to have your bright pink bra saying ‘I’m a girl’.” I wink and whisper my thanks back. I stepped forward saying, “Hi Momma did you recognize me? Hello Aunt Cath, I didn’t mean to shock you. I didn’t think you’d be here yet. I was going to ask Jennifer and Nan if this was too flamboyant to go out for a bite.”

Mother says, “If they won’t, I will. Please find something more appropriate for a quiet supper. The university community might see this as normal. I’d like a chance to ease into coming to know my daughter this evening.

Jenn guides me back by the arm, saying aloud, “Let me help you find something… Mrs. Greene and Aunt Cathy, please ask Nan if you need anything.” We were no sooner back in Jennifer’s room and the door is still closing, when I burst out in a laugh that I didn’t recognize. My girl laugh is cute but strangely different than anything I’d have expected.

Jenn grabs my hands before I can tear my blouse and bra off. “You don’t want to damage either of these. Someday you’ll intentionally be wearing them. The blouse actually looks good on you, you just didn’t know all it was showing… How about this shimmering red blouse, it’s very appropriate for the season. And with this silver scarf, you’re appropriately wrapped as a new daughter for her mom.”

“Would it be okay if I wore the 2 1/2” heels?” Jenn’s smiles said yes.

When we were eating Aunt Cath said, “For once you being a small a framed person has its benefits. Is this the secret that my Aubrey would never tell me about?” I had forgotten about that. It has been seven years since Cousin Aubrey caught me and three since I last dressed up with her.

“She said, she hadn’t told anyone, but her friend Tricia.”

Aunt Cathy says, “If she told Tricia, you can be sure others knew as well, including your sister Andrea.”

The meal was good, but can’t remember much more about it than that. It was pure joy to be able to talk openly that Josey really is me. And then to talk like a woman with other women.

Once into our conversation, my mother got this stern look that I recognized from when she would get terribly upset with me. Not so patiently, quite nervously I waited. She waited to until she saw I was nervous worried and wanting to go to use the bathroom. “Josey, you could have been more considerate and better with your timing of this announcement. Many of my Christmas gifts are now unsuitable for you.” I was in shock and it took a moment for it to register that she was joking with me. I was scared that I did something grossly mistaken.

“Momma…” I began but now hurried off to the women’s room.

I studied ‘til after one in the morning, subjected some things to memory and took a relaxing shower. Jenn was awake and partially dressed before she woke me and with a cup of coffee in hand she watched me. I chose a long plaid skirt to keep me warm, a creamy white pullover sweater. The bumps on the top gave me a feminine look I long dreamt of. I was turning in front of a mirror to see how I looked when I noticed Jenn watching me. I said, “You think this is foolish of me to act like a young girl?”

Jenn stood, putting her coffee down, “No, I'm pleased to see you blossom and enjoy yourself. I wonder how many times you dreamt of a day like today. …You have an exam to take and then you’re to be treated by your mother to go shopping. I’ve got to enjoy these as precious moments. It gives me joy if I helped in making this possible.” Jennifer’s smile was glowing and it was for me, not her own benefit.

I moved to give her a warm hug, I experienced how it’s different from a man hugging her. She said, “Someday your breasts will be warmly mushed like mine are and we’ll know the happiness of the other without words.” She was able to see by my look that I understood what she was saying.

Jenn had two pre-med exams today with the first beginning at 9:00 a.m., while I had one beginning to 10 o’clock. I saw her off thinking to myself how wonderful it is to have such a friend. A half hour later I caught the University transit to my exam. Happel clearly did not recognize me when I asked his grad assistant for my exam envelope. I heard him say as I stepped away, “A dress doesn’t make him a woman.”

His negativism stuck in my mind as I had trouble getting myself started. The first three questions came slow, but once started I found the exam relatively easy. Having finished my exam in plenty of time’ I proofread it and found three trick questions he had put in. Happel had a reputation where the answer would not be a, b, c, or d offered. But was the unlisted ‘e’ where you needed to give the answer and explain. I would end up being the only person with a perfect score because of that.

The exam caused me to wonder again if Josey is somehow different from Josh. My experience as Josh was not of going back and check my exams but to be happy and get out of there when I could.

I was waiting for the bus back to Jenn’s when Miya stepped over and asked, “I saw you leave Haller Hall the same time I did, and then at the exam, but I don’t recognize you.”

I introduced myself as Josey, we agreed to get lunch and eat together. We were eating and talking when suddenly she said aloud, “Josh Greene.” Her hand instantaneously reached out for me as she apologized. “I didn’t mean to blurt that out, nor to embarrass you.”

I felt guilty that I hadn’t openly shared who I was. “I’m sorry I wasn’t open about it.” She had experienced more students finding themselves or coming out than I had.

Miya said, “I can’t quite identify, but there were little things that were different. …We’re not close friends but I know who you are and have always like you, especially when we’ve worked together on environmental projects. I’m enjoying coming to know this side of you.”

My phone vibrates and I know it’s my mother. “Mom, I’m in the café eating with a new friend. …No. It would have been nice to have someone to help me but no, Jennifer has a second exam today. I will be up to the suite to freshen up and shortly be ready.” The call ended and I began to excuse myself from Miya.

“I’ve enjoyed lunch and our visit, but my mother came to see her new daughter and take me shopping.” I paused and then asked, “You wouldn’t be interested in helping a new girl going shopping, would you? You said your flight isn’t until tomorrow.”

Miya smiles, “I need to get a gift for my mom yet. It would be nice to have someone to shop with especially if it’s nothing within walking distance. I’ve been through all the stores close by.”

I quickly write Jenn’s suite number and my phone number and shove it at Miya. Miya quickly responds, “That’s one of the little things. It’s a rare girl who will reach out and shove something like that.” She has my attention and I’m hoping she’ll explain.

“A woman is more likely to offer something more than force it on a person. I’m sorry if that sounds a little picky, but I thought you might want to know.”

I say, “That is exactly the kind of thing that I’m learning are different. The Josey inside really wished she learned more things growing up.”

Miya says, “We can talk for an hour but we’re not going to be ready for your Mom. If you’re going to wear a skirt; I’ll change and meet you at your friends’ suite residence…”

To be continued, one more chapter…

Mom and I were both glad that Miya would go shopping with us. I selected the clothes that I like. Miya was nice enough to say diplomatically that not everything looked good on me. “Josey, it might be helpful to have someone who is good at it, figure out what are your colors.”

Mom said, “Aunt Cathy mentioned a store that is supposed to be good at just that. It’s called Fashion By Design." It was north of our campus; Miya knew where it was on Michigan Avenue. Miya said, “Whenever I go there, I loved their clothes but can’t afford their clothes except when they’re on a big sale. That’s usually when we’re usually back to begin the spring semester.”

Once we were in the store Mom asked for Doris, hoping she could help us. Mom introduced us saying, “Doris, my sister Catherine Hampton, suggested I ask for your help. My daughter Josey goes to Northwestern and has finally outgrown her tomboy stage. She needs some help in knowing her colors and the styles of clothes that might be good for her. Her friend Miya goes to the same university and is looking to get something nice for her mother. Do you have someone who could help us?”

She introduces herself, “I’m Doris Malone and while I’d be glad to help you. Cyndi is our sales associate that I’d recommend we use. She is gifted in figuring out a person’s colors and work with you to find out what you like most.”

While Doris waved Cyndi over to help us. Miya said, “Mrs. Greene, This store might be a great place for ideas, but I don’t think I can afford to get a jacket for my mother here.”

Momma said, “Well let’s see if they can give us a good idea then about what to look for in an evening jacket.”

Cyndi’s one of those cheerful salespeople who make you feel good just coming in, without being overpowering. She showed me that I look nice in light mint green as well as certain yellows but not greens with a yellow tint. Suggesting I could use makeup to give myself added color. She also showed us a red dress that flared out, giving my body the feminine look of having girl more hips than I really do. She says, “There are times you want to show off your petite frame. But I think when it comes to your little red dress, you probably want to emphasize a classy way to say, you’re a young woman here to have a fun evening.”

She was amused as I was shaking my head yes when I like her ideas. She tested me a little by suggesting an old fashion lace dress that many like. I didn’t even need to try it on, to determine it wasn’t my style. Cyndi said, “You did well in speaking up. This would look very nice on your friend Miya.” She had lifted the dress holding in front of Miya so she could see it in a mirror.

“It is nice to see you again Miya, this designer usually has a good sale on their merchandise come the third week of January. If your mother would come and visit you then, it will probably be very reasonably priced.

She said, “I suggest that both of you women include some nice quality dresses and gowns for when you put together your professional wardrobe. It will be worth it when you work with those who have ample dollars to help fund some of your environmental projects.”

Cyndi says, “And oh, by the way, come early spring if you would show Doris and I some ideas for persons with a small estate of 20 to two hundred acres. Even students who could help someone tackle a project of renewing their estate while being environmentally sound; we might be able to help line you up with a summer project that would also pay well.”

We both smiled as they sound like dream possibilities. A student would love such a possibility, but they rarely come along.

Back to reality, I did not expect we’d get the red dress I liked, nor the long mint green skirt that is nicely lined and could be worn in winter. The skirt is more for everyday wear, but pending on how it is coordinated with other clothes it could be very versatile and used to dress up.

Well, my mother agreed to the red dress and two skirt outfits, including the mint green skirt. Cyndi and Mia helped me select two sweaters, a camisole, and three more blouses. That would broaden my wardrobe.

My Mom had Miya and I visited among ourselves, while she talked to Cyndi.

Mom came back saying, “Miya, Cyndi says, she’s met your mother with you before. She asked me if it was true that your Mom was a professor out east. I had to confess that we hadn’t met and I didn’t know.”

Miya turned to my mother, “She’s an Associate Professor; she’s been on their college staff for seven years. She’s very good, but the university would need to pay her at least another $10,000 a year if she’s a full professor. The past two years students have petitioned for her to made a professor. Mom says the university is looking for someone to give the minimum of $750,000 to fund a chair for her.”

“Well, Cyndi said she’s sure your mother is underpaid, despite being a good professor and a great human being. She saw you eyeing a silver evening jacket.”

Mia responded though not very enthusiastically, “Yes, my mom has two black gowns for more formal affairs for their college as well as special times she goes out with my dad. They’re still nice though she's had them for a while. I thought a silver dinner jacket would spice them up a little and give her a fresh look. I was planning on spending some good money to buy a nice one. The ones here are great but way more than I can spend.”

Cyndi came back with two long black evening gowns. Miya saddened even more, though the gowns were quite attractive. I was surprised, so I ask, “What gives, the gowns look beautiful.” I can tell Miya wants to walk away as she was ready to cry.

I overhear her muttering, “Damn, this is embarrassing.” I’m certain she did not intend on me or anyone else hearing her. She continued, “It’s my fault if I’d gone to the university there, it wouldn’t be so hard on her.”

We talked, it was true that she could have gone to the university her mother teaches at, and with scholarships, books and board would have been all she’d have to pay. That university's counselor, however, said she should apply to be accepted at Northwestern and two other highly recommended schools. It was here at Northwestern that she got accepted and offered a major scholarship.

“Well said,” Cyndi agreed, “But we’re not here to embarrass you. What we’re offering you is the chance to purchase the evening jacket as well as a new evening dress to go with it. Our expectation is that in the future when you can afford it. Fashions by Design would be one of your shopping places in Chicago.”

Miya reluctantly looked at the dresses and asked, “Would it be possible for me to try on both dresses as well as the jacket? My mother and I share the same built; we wear a size six dress, though we need to go up to a size 8 in the jacket for her.” While both gowns were very beautiful, it was easy to tell which one would look best on Miya thus her mother.

Cyndi offered the jacket to Miya for $125 a far cry from the price tag that was over $300. It was, however, still fifty dollars above what Miya had to spend. Miya paid ninety dollars, agreeing she would owe my mother thirty-five dollars plus the tax. That left nothing for the beautiful evening gown.

My mother and Doris the manager said they would each cover a hundred twenty-five dollars for the discounted price of the black evening dress that Miya chose.

My parents are not rich people, but mom rationalized it to me saying, “This young woman is my opportunity to pass on the blessing of you coming out and her being a new friend. Your having such a friend is priceless.”

Finally done shopping there, we went to a regular department store where my mother had me select a half-dozen pairs of panties and a couple of bras. My mother asked, “Josey, how did you decide on the size of bra to wear.”

I smiled, “I chose this bra with Jenn’s help. We decided I would look better with a B cup. It is different enough with having breasts this size. They feel nice to me, but I’m still getting used to wearing a bra and having breasts.”

I heard a slight giggle and turned to see Miya with a hand over her mouth. She said, “I’m sorry but I'm not used to someone describing their breasts quite like that.”

Mom stepped to me, making sure she had my attention, “Josey, I want you to begin to be more intentional about what you’re saying. You need to think about how you what you say comes across to others. If you begin doing that around family and friends; it will be the fastest way to make it Josey’s style to do so.”

Our last stop, I was fitted with an expensive pair of breast forms. I was tickled by how they looked and felt.

Mom dropped us off at our residence hall along with our packages. Miya thanked my mother for the meal as well as helping with her mother’s gifts. We were in the elevator and Miya asked, "Could we talk when I get off on my floor?”

Off the elevator and to Miya's room, she said, “Tell me to mind my own business if you want. But my suggestion is as you transition don’t rush to any conclusions about who you’re in love with. I know you have strong feelings for Jenn. But once you begin hormones in being Josey, you or Jenn could change.” I looked at Miya as though she was crazy if not hurtful.

She said, “When my brother embraced his feminine side with his girlfriend’s help Teri was so sure they’d love each other forever. She was the first to fall out of love and Teri has since jumped back and forth if she loves this guy or that girl more.

“I can’t claim to be overly objective, if you come back as Josh or Josey, I’m interested in you.” Miya gave me a quick kiss like she was stealing an opportunity. I was surprised by how much I liked it.

I stared at her, “I’d like being your friend. But I can’t imagine me ever changing that way.” I gave her twenty-five dollars back as my mom had asked me. “My mom was afraid you used your expense money to get home. She didn’t want you traveling with nothing.” Looking at her expression, I’m sure my mother was right. Mya stepped up gave me a hug as I knew she was deeply moved. I got back on the elevator and for some reason, I couldn’t put her thoughts out of my mind.

I did spend three hours reviewing noted and studying for my last final exam. I was happy to see Dr. Saunders in the morning and her warm smile when I went in to take my exam. She said, “I appreciated you letting me know about those who are taking the exam. Please sign it for Joshua. I look forward to having this new you for a class in the future. You look very happy and content.”

When I was done with the exam and handed it in; Dr. Saunders gave me a small gift. By its shape, I was sure it was a pen, but it ended up being a lip-gloss. There was a note, “I think you commented on this color when I wore it. It should go well with your complexion. Merry Christmas.”

Mom picked me up at 12:30 and we were soon on our way home. I did pick up my dirty clothes in my old room and some books and the gifts I desired to take home.

We were halfway home, I received a text from my older sister Andrea, “Call me, I have good news for you, Josey.”

I quickly called; my Mom and I were both anxious in different ways about her good news. I forgot to change my voice to Josh’s but Andrea was happy to hear it. “Hey Sis, I like your voice. I told Mom I was expecting Arnie to ask me to marry him, but I beat him to the punch. I love you and my friends too much to change to his ways. I need to raise my standards a little and not fall for guys like that.”

I wasn’t sure if I should say, ‘I was happy or sad for her.’ “I’m kind of sorry Andrea, Mom said you fell hard for him.”

She asked, “Are you wearing home something Mom bought for you? I really want to see what you look like now.”

“Yes, I’m coming home as Josey. But if you want to see a picture of me go to Jenn’s FB page.” Mom and I heard my sisters' Robin and Andrea say “Wow.”

Mom took the phone, “So what do you two think?”

Robin took the phone there, “We can see how much she looks like us. We were afraid of how she looks would make things more difficult. Needless to say, we like how she looks.”

During the rest of our trip home, I talked to Mom about what Miya said about me possibly changing. Mom said, “If it is like when your sisters' hormones kicked in; there might be something to what she says. I expect you and Jenn are so close that won’t change.”

Mom said, “After I heard from Jennifer. I did make an appointment for you on Friday with our doctor.”

“Yuck, I don’t want to see Dr. Tilleson quite yet.”

Mom half giggled, “Not Tilleson, your sisters and my doctor. I know you haven’t met Dr. Sarah yet, but I expect you’ll get along fine. Her warm nature has helped girls like you through their change into womanhood.”

That surprised me as I didn’t think that stuff didn’t happen where I grew up.

Once we’re home, it was quite different seeing my sisters rush out to help bring in my stuff. Andrea hurriedly found the dress bag and carried it up to my room. Robin was delighted to find my new shoes and to help carry them in. I was carrying in my big case when my feet slipped on the light coating of snow. My feet went flying into the air and I fell on my bottom with my skirt flying up. The back of my skirt must have flown up or skidded back. When I landed my panty and butt were fully in the snow.

I remembered times that happened to my sisters and once to my mother and each time I laughed. It didn’t seem so funny today. I cautiously made my way into the house retrieving and carrying what I had. Jenn was soon over as well as another shopping friend.

It seemed everyone who knew about me wanted to see the new clothes and how I had changed into a girl since they last saw me. Robin was bringing out and showing some of my new clothes faster than I could. Jenn insisted I try two dresses that with my nice bra that would show off some cleavage with my new breast forms.

“Wow Mom, you’ve blessed Josey with some nice boobs. You know cute babies like that could get her in trouble with boyfriends.” Several there were teasing me and asking what I was looking for in the way of a boyfriend.

I hastily said, “I’m not interested in boyfriends!”

I was surprised and a bit saddened to hear Jenn say, “She says that now, but what will happen when the hormones kick in?”

It was shortly after that I complained of being tired of saying I needed to rest. Most had gone downstairs and were soon leaving. I was lying on my bed sulking when I heard the door creak open. I soon knew it was Andrea and Jenn. They each sat on different sides of my bed and Jenn’s hand was sliding up one of my legs. “Did I touch a nerve, when I said something about your hormones? …You know that I love the new you even more than Josh. But it doesn’t mean you’ll be the same once you’re on hormone replacement therapy.”

I turned to sit up and had to scoot my feet from under me. Andrea and Jennifer both had caring expressions as they smiled. Andrea lifted my chin to get me to look up. It was a family habit that we were to look up and not sulk when talking about problems. Andrea said, “You know this is what you want. You can’t expect to go through it with all roses and no growing pains. Jenn and I will be there to help you through.”

Jenn used a tissue to dab some of my teardrops. She said, “Josey it scares me too. The idea of you attracted some dick guy is unnerving, but we both need to accept it is possible.”

I changed my skirt and fixed my makeup and we went downstairs as my father had come home. He wasn’t quite ready to see me as Josey sitting next to Jenn. There I was pulling at the hem of my skirt to hold it in place.

It wasn’t until I went up to bed to sleep that I realized the comforter on my bed was changed to one of my sister’s with red and pink waving stripes. There was even a poster that Andrea had that she knew I liked. I looked for a pair of old pajamas and found a satin nightie with a Hersey kiss on top of it. “From your loving sisters.” I had cleaned my face taking my makeup off, but did not yet have a moisturizer.

It was then I heard a knock on the door and my sisters invited themselves in saying, “We’re inviting ourselves to your room for our own sleep in.” Robin spritzed a fragrant perfume she has.

“Thank you for the nightgown that was nice of you,” I said.

Andrea looked at me closely, saying, “It appears you forgot to use a moisturizer as well as pinning up your hair.” …They paused saying, “That is alright, we’ll help you do it. It’s the least we can do for sleeping in your room tonight.

“This is all pretty new for our younger sister. Me on the other hand, I’ve known you as I caught you and helped you to dress better. But I never thought that would come to this. But, we’re both happy to have you as a sister.”

I said, “No, you should tell us about Arnie. I heard you were hot and heavy for each other. So why aren’t you getting engaged like everyone thought?”

“Well,” she said, “He took me home for Thanksgiving that was the beginning of the end. They are so prim and proper as well as judgmental toward anyone not up to their standards. I was surprised that I was passing their approval in being good enough for their beloved son. His Daddy even went so far as to say I would be good for their gene pool.”

“It was when Arnie said, ‘While I’m as proper as I might be that he was sure I would come around and fit well with the family.’ Heck, I would have gagged on my vomit before I would give in to their ways. Body wise he was a nice stud, but I guess it ended with his outward appearance. The past few weeks he sought opportunity after opportunity to propose to me. I avoided trying to say no or anything mean, but he wouldn’t take a hint. Finally, when I told him, I was sure I would never measure up to their standards. He still didn’t get it. I said, ‘F*** off Arnie, you don’t get it. I like my life and truthfully I won’t change my thinking to your family’s mindset.”

Andrea said, “Does that satisfy you? I know Mom thought it might have been on account of you. But I did it before you ever came out as Josey. You being Josey, just makes me feel that much better about my decision and our family.”

I told my sister about my friends and me getting together before the exams. My sisters knew about that from other years. I had previously stayed with the guys as expected. Jenn and Cora pushed for me to be with them and Ainsley and Megan liked the idea as well. I hadn’t expected I would be dressing as a woman, but I ended up being the only one of us who was surprised.”

Robin asked, “Did you ever get to feeling you were another one of the girls?”

“Yes, but I can’t remember trying or when it happened. They were calling me Josey and somewhere that day Josey was there and Josh was the one who became invisible. When I was ready to dress back as Josh and return to the guys. They gave the option of Josey staying with them. I was in love with Jenn and being Josey.”

It was three o’clock in the morning and we were settling down when Robin remembered a time. “I remember a time when I was thirteen and we were out as a group. I didn’t think boys were that big of a deal? Dean surprised me with a kiss and my panty went warm and moist in one second. I wonder if that might happen to you, Josey.”

I was kept busy Thursday changing over my room, wrapping gifts and I was having fun. I chose a dusty rose and yellow for my main colors of the room. Somehow it being important sounds silly as I am rarely home.

Come Friday morning Andrea couldn’t go with me to the doctor, and somehow Jenn came with my mother and me instead. Mom and Jenn assured me I looked like the other women there, but I was sure I was seen as a guy. I was sure I stuck out as a boy. Alas, even my deodorant had a lite feminine fragrance. Nurse Meg called me back, “Josey would you please come with me. First, we need to weigh you and get your height.”

Nurse Meg asked, “You’re happy when most girls aren’t. What gives, you’re happy to hear how much they weigh?”

“If your scales as correct I’ve lost another three pounds.”

“Dr. Cooling will like hearing about that from you.” Meg takes the vitals a part of my history before the doctor comes in and introduces herself.

Dr. Cooling came into the exam room, “Hello Josey, it is nice to meet you. Your mother informed me a while ago that I might meet you someday. She didn’t know your name then.

“Now I’d like to hear directly from you on your seeing yourself as a young woman.”

I say, “I think I’ve been Josey a long time, maybe forever. I remember as a young boy I was taken to a women’s restroom because my father wasn’t around. I acted embarrassed and as a boy I was. That was a long time ago before another Christmas. Now I’m in college but not as Josey and I want to be. I’d like to look like and become the woman I feel inside. I guess seeing you is needed to do that…”

We talked for more than ten minutes; it was closer to a half-hour, but I hadn’t realized it. Dr. Sarah as she invited me to call her said she’d give me a testosterone blocker along with a women’s hormone shot. But I needed to begin talking to a counselor and a specialist in transitioning. She was fairly sure I could do it at the university. She was wanting to see me after Christmas. She and her office would help to get me formally recognized as Josey.

When I told her about Jenn being the love of my life. I also expressed concern about the hormones causing me to change who I was attracted too. She smiled, but I knew she wanted to laugh. “Josey, I am going to be truthful with you. I hope you will focus on finding out who you are as Josey. Your feelings for Jennifer may in fact remain, but I can’t say they will or if things will change. You were happy that you lost another three pounds because of an image you have of what a girl should be.

“I hope you will put out of your mind the girl stereotypes your male brain has. You’re not a little girl or a boy’s image of what a girl should be. You’re a young woman at a university. Boys tease girls for being very intelligent. A young woman, however, often finds her intelligence to be an asset in not being dependent upon a man. Even with a special friend like Jennifer, I want you to take responsibility for the woman you’re becoming. Do you understand me?”

I know tears have come to my eyes but I’m holding them back. Dr. Sara asks, “This is a very important question, please think before you answer. Are those tears of disappointment or tears of joy?”

I think and then respond, “I’m not supposed to cry. I’m happy deep inside but emotions scare me.” I see Dr. Sarah smile and I know I’m safe to cry. I’m soon crying and I even lean over to cry on her holding her in a hug. It takes me a moment to remember she’s a doctor and I shouldn’t. I pull back and now I’m crying into my hands when she gives me a handful of tissues.

My mother was invited back before Sarah gave me my shots. Mom confirms I’m still on their insurance until I’m twenty-one. By that time I will have graduated from NW University. Mom says, “We’re not sure if our insurance, however, will cover her surgeries to transition. They may not qualify them as a medical necessity.”

Dr. Cooling says, “I believe the University’s women’s center, as well as their diversity groups, will lend weight that is needed. Even if it means the Northwestern Medical Center bears much of the cost. That might be a drawn-out affair but I am fairly sure it will eventually be approved.”

I have mixed emotions about all I’m hearing: I’m excited and yet frustrated.

Dr. Cooling asks, “Josey, may I share this more fully with your mother this once.” I shook my head in affirmation “…Christine, I will not be calling you back during her future appointments, nor will I tell you anything about her situation that will be up to her. She agreed before she wanted you to know so she could talk to someone who understood and could help her.

“She needs to experience her womanhood beyond the stereotypes that society has filled her head with. While she appears well as a woman, she’ll not be the most beautiful woman in the world. She will be flawed in the eyes of some including herself. This might be hard on her psyche; it is but one of many challenges she’ll face in becoming Josey more fully. I hope you’ll gain the wisdom to know when and how to be there for her.”

“Josey, you must be very intelligent to be a junior in college already. It will take more than academic intelligence for days, months, and years ahead. You will need the help of good people around you. You are as beautiful as any other person, you need to measure it in new ways. If you develop as a woman taking after your mother and sisters, there will have some natural beauty. Before any breast augmentation, I encourage you to allow your body to develop on its own.”

There was much more said, as Sarah met with my mother and me into the lunchtime.

When we were back out to the waiting area, Jenn was happy to finally see us. She gave me a hug saying, “Dr. Cooling must have taken time to explain the bigger picture of all that you could be in for. Did she indicate if she would be open to you beginning treatment soon?”

Jenn was pleasantly surprised I already had a testosterone blocker and an injection of female hormones. She said, “I’m not surprised that she would, but that you already agreed to it.”

I shook my head, I knew the past week has been different for me. You, my parents and sisters, have said I’ve been in denial and stubborn in acknowledging this part of me. It has been so freeing, I’ve known I need to continue saying yes to what I need as Josey. None of you can imagine how scared I am on the inside.”

Come Christmas, I received my usual share of gifts, thankfully they were very different from Christmases past. Whenever I received a skirt and blouse, or jeans or leggings I usually received a gift card to help purchase more for my wardrobe.

Jenn and I exchanged gifts. Her gifts included a statement that my new residence was approved for me to live in their suite when I’m back at the university.

Mom and Dad gave me the best gift last. It was not a gift as such but a Christmas card.
Dearest Josey Megan,
Whenever you and your doctors say you are ready to transition. We want you to know you are free to become our daughter in the fullest ways you desire. Insurance will not have the last word. We have agreed to pay for the needed operations if insurance would not approve paying for them. You are already our daughter and we are in full support of you being you.

Mr. Collins our lawyer, will have all documents needed for your signature come Wednesday to make your application for your new identity with a driver license and birth certificate complete.

We wish you not only a happy new year but a whole new life. We love you like Josh and our love will continue.

Love, Mom, and Dad

It was as though I woke up on Christmas and found out I wasn’t dreaming.

The End of the Beginning