Four somewhat linked pieces : mostly about the HATE that THEY spew at us for being ‘different’ in ways THEY say is unacceptable. When THEY do wrong things such as Abuse, Violence, Rape and Cruelty then they claim their misdeeds are somehow acceptable; when a man dresses as the opposite gender (while so many women do it without penalty) …. somehow this is wrong.
These pieces are labelled 'Z' to place them at the end of my stories.
Hate, Hell, Hope & Halleluiah
Unloading some vile thoughts
‘Hateluiah’ was their song
Four somewhat linked pieces : mostly about the HATE that THEY spew at us for being ‘different’ in ways THEY say is unacceptable. When THEY do wrong things such as Abuse, Violence, Rape and Cruelty then they claim their misdeeds are somehow acceptable; when a man dresses as the opposite gender (while so many women do it without penalty) …. somehow this is wrong.
These pieces are labelled 'Z' to place them at the end of my stories.
There’s not much point in looking forward when everything has gone. I used to have a life I enjoyed, I felt worthwhile, even valued. But that was then. And this, this hateful now, is now.
There’s not much point in looking forward when everything has gone. I used to have a life I enjoyed, I felt worthwhile, even valued. But that was then. And this, this hateful now, is now. I learned that I was different. And that people feared my difference. And they said ‘if you are different in this way, then you must be different in other ways we hate’. And therefore we hate you. Because we will not accept your sort of ‘’difference’.
So we will label you ‘homosexual’ (no), we will label you ‘pervert’ (no), we will label you p*dohile (no), we will label you vile and without any possibility of redeeming virtues. We will label you ‘different’ and cast you out. This is our truth and you are condemned. WE shun you. You are not even nothing in our eyes, you are beneath nothing.
’And lo and behold, that is what they did. And they were proud of what they did. They gloried in what they did. And they knew their might and knew that all was right; because Might is Right in their world. And they knew therefore that their god, made in their image, would be pleased with them. And they were not alone. The institutions and agencies made up of their acolytes and minions knew that they must treat wrongdoers and ‘differents’ similarly. Not to be their definition of ‘normal’ meant ‘abnormal’. No shading of tolerance or acceptability – a vehement, venomous, vitriolic black-and-whiteness. President Bush said it ‘You are either with us or against us.’
Everybody who is different knows how that is interpreted. So the Police and other agencies of The System also knew how to despise and devalue and denigrate. (Strange how that word seems to have overtones of blackness and oooh, naughty, ‘nigger’ - well that’s a truth). They can spurn. To mock and trash everything you hold of worth. And their cruelty is barely deliberate. It is so deeply entrenched and engrained that it is for them completely and reasonably normal. They cannot see what they have become. So much for ‘institutionalised racism’; the larger truth is that there is ‘institutionalised hatred of people-not-like-us’.
But that’s what The System can do once it decides you are so ‘different’ as to be ‘wrong’.
Because ‘They’ don’t care about you. They care about themselves. They don’t mean ‘Love Everybody’ because they know the correct statement is ‘Love everybody who is like us’. And so it came to pass - no wife, no family, no children, no parents (dead), no siblings (dead). No money, no job, no phone (viz no money), no internet, no computer, no access (except an hour a day in the library).
No job, no applications (somehow the Job Centre believes that having no phone or internet means I can’t respond to enquiries which they say means I’m not trying!) so no benefit. As if they would not find ways to minimise any support if they could. No friends, no colleagues, not quite nothing but so far below that even the homeless and vagrants – no, be fair. I’m not homeless yet but I’m so crushed I can’t even ask my equals who are labelled ‘the dregs’ for help. They have nothing to spare and I won’t take their nothing. That’s how low my self-worth has been driven.
No welcome and no goodbye. They have these cherry-picked proclamations such as ‘hate the sin and love the sinner’ – but they don’t mean it. Once you are sufficiently different they treat you and the sin as inextricably linked. They hate the sin, they hate you, they forget everything good or worthwhile that you might have contributed. The people with their hell-bent heaven-sent(!) determination have no truck with the yin-yang concept that in every blackness there is a speck of white and vice versa. For them the speck of black obliterates any whiteness. Wrong is bad. Wrong is Dead.
They know their truth. I’ve been driven to believe that my ‘difference’ is true and that I almost deserve the treatment I have been given. Hah. Not much of a ‘gift’.
How am I so appallingly different? What have I done that is so wrong? I’m a man and I enjoy dressing in pretty clothes. I enjoy silks and satins and velvets – rather like the Georgian dandies and the other rich and posh folk. I enjoy frills and lace and, oh, all the colours of the rainbow – again, like the Cavaliers of long ago.
I enjoy stockings and heels – just like men used to wear (even if not so recently). I don’t like high heels, not even as much as 2 inches, unlike the gentry of the 1700s. They hurt my mangled toes even while I love the feeling they give my legs. When I have dressed up, in the privacy of my home (ex-home), I could wear wigs [the only men who now wear wigs are judges – how suitable]. I sometimes tried makeup - but until recently men and women could use face decoration to improve their appeal to others and their confidence in themselves. But I didn’t like it and couldn’t be bothered.
And I prefer pastel yellow and green to indoctrinated pink or blue. Then I remember that the whole pink for girls issue is the phenomenal result of a USA marketing campaign from the 1930s. It’s not true about blue for boys – or perhaps it was not true (until the campaign). Red and faded red ie pink used to be the boy colours – because they were more expensive. Blue was often linked with the Virgin Mary. And all babies wore dresses because it allowed easy access for pee and poop.
But somehow in this grey and drab world of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries – these elements of costume are allocated to ‘women’. Somehow in this drab world, my behaviour is labelled wrong and sickening and vile. And, worse, other labels are attached so that any ugly label relating to sex or gender is attached to me.
And every now and again I wonder why women may wear every possible item of clothing that is ‘normally’ allocated to men and there is not the tiniest complaint. Shirts, trousers, ties, jackets. Some even call it ‘style’ and ‘fashion’ and ‘chic’. Not if I wear THEIR clothes. Personally, I think some of them look magnificent, and others, sadly, are mutton dressed as lamb. But that is not a criticism aimed solely at women.
Inconveniently this comment does echo a criticism made occasionally by ‘Them’ when they display their loathing of transfolk and their differences. Some of the costumes worn by others in the transgender / transsexual spectrum do themselves no favours. Ultra-miniskirts, deep cleavage, exaggerated anything are all ‘Look at Me’ rather than ‘I’m comfortable as I am’. Perhaps I also should be more tolerant. Sauces for gooses and ganders.
Some of the most vitriolic nastiness comes from those who say that ‘they believe in the Bible’ and they quote some particularly specific cherry-picked verse from Deuteronomy at you. “A man shall not wear the clothing of a woman”. They never connect the statement with the period when roles were much more specific or to requirements of nomadic aggressive-defensive life at the time.
Are the demands of ‘Them’ an instruction that the man should not wear the desert nomad’s costume of some 4,000 years ago (and in their wilful ignorance they decide that perhaps a Berber costume may be equivalent!) My love of wordplay wonders what a dessert nomad might be – at least I got THAT spelling right.
If I were to pick a phrase from their bible and quote it, for example, ‘I will make you smash you babies against the rocks’, so I would likely be accused of ignoring the context. But these self-righteous absolutely right people may do so with impunity. Who makes these modern rules? Who then links them to laws made for a nomadic desert tribe some 4,000 years ago?
Who has the bare-faced lack of logic to link the two concepts? What do ‘They’ approve of for men to wear that isn’t black, brown, grey, dark, drab, dreary. Made of tough and rough materials suitable for sufferers from testosterone overload. And I don’t suggest that lower testosterone is equivalent to ‘becoming gay’.
When will the average person learn to distinguish between body-gender, brain-gender, soul-gender and sexual preference? Barely 100 years ago, Queen Victoria forbad the word ‘lesbian’ because she was not willing to allow the concept to be voiced.
Interestingly, some ancient languages have no specific gender discrimination; there is no word for he as opposed to she. Is all progress forward?
The patriarchal societies – and all the Abrahamic religions are included – demand he v she discrimination as part of the required imbalance of power. And some of the most enthusiastic supporters of the patriarchal system are women. I don’t understand how any woman can support a system that denies her equal worth and proper value. Of course women are not equal to men – they are different. Oh, oops, but they hate things that are different. Oh , double oops, they only hate things that they say are ‘wrongly different’. Oh dear, logic loop.
Facebook has a startling number of non-he and non-she non-binary options for determining gender status; about 50 of them at the last count. Clearly some of the categories will have very few members, but this does not equate to denying any category its rightful and meaningful existence. Personally, I have a difficulty – there seems to be no box for heterosexual cross-dresser who has no desire to alter his plumbing. Options for sexual preference are available but separate. And these other decision-makers somehow know that the only correct and valid definitions are those binary two suitable for a small tribe of desert nomads from 4,000 years ago. And yet, They know better. No, let’s correct that, They believe they know better. What a load of nasty bullying based on selective thinking.
They say ‘You MUST believe the Bible’ – have these people ever studied that document with even a mildly curious brain. Even in the first few verses of this never-to-be-questioned ‘infallible’ document, there are two different versions of the Creation. In one, man is created after the animals; in the second, Man comes first. But They say, incomprehensibly, that both must be true. Ha. Just look at some of their ‘facts’.
In the first creation story, humans are created after the other animals; also man and woman are created simultaneously :-
And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good. And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. Genesis 1:25-27
In the second story, humans were created before the other animals; and then woman was created from man :-
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. … And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. Genesis 2:18-22
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Even if one accepts that the Bible MAY be the accumulation of a number of authors around the period 1000 BC to 500BC and that the Old Testament contains a sort of history, some laws for a nomadic tribe and some strange allegedly prophetic writings, it is not necessarily a complete basis of rules or ethics for a modern non-nomadic people just because a loud priest proclaims it so. Or do we go with the current method of change to the social structure, whereby if a small minority shouts and screams and demands enough then it will happen. And by this you may infer according to your own preference as to whether I may be meaning vegetarians, LGB, anti-fur, T, vegans and similar others.
There are the fabled (not so fabulous) Ten Commandments.
According to the Bible itself, the usually quoted ones in Exodus 20 were replaced by a rather different set in Exodus 34 after Moses broke the first stones. Now, I don’t know how many people cook baby goats these days, but of the 600+ ‘Laws’ which can be found in the Bible – I am pretty sure that too many of the church-goers who despised me are guilty of Lying, Working on the Sabbath (whichever day that is!), Idolatry (usually for a football team or other sport), too often Adultery and, worst, Killing people’s hearts and souls.
They say that they follow their leader, someone called Jesus, and that they are loving and tolerant – hah. I know that they will congratulate themselves when those they despise are eliminated. But somehow they would disapprove of Hitler’s method. Why? Do they prefer to kill the soul rather than the body? Are they jealous of Hitler's success?
So this is how different I am. But not how different I have become. I used to think kindly of everyone. But it has got ever harder. One kind word now would reduce me to tears. A gift of food or warmth – the same.
Since I have received much hurt and hardness, so my own self has grown a shell to protect me. A rough, nasty, spiky armour covering what I tell myself is a gentle soul. But pretend-me has learnt to pretend-hate.
I cannot pretend to deliver back to others what has been done to me. Nothing so vile as what is thrown at me every day. Shit-parcels on my doorstep and through my letterbox; graffiti accusing me of incomprehensible deeds and thoughts with every variety of illiterate and perhaps ignorant spelling. Windows smashed; vileness encouraged by genuinely nasty-minded people. How can humans be so vile to other humans?
I do not want to believe that even Hitler, Stalin, McCarthy, Idi Amin or their soul-kin could be so deliberately nasty.
‘They’ would claim to sorrow at my funeral – but I feel they wouldn’t mean it. They know with an ugly certainty that They know best what is right. It is the unstated certainty of the silent majority. How grubby must be their souls? How nasty is their [complete failure of] tolerance? How evil is their sort of goodness? Yet who will judge them?
I only know this story as an anecdote. Last winter, a homeless man smartened himself up and waited outside the church as the congregation went in and as they came out. He had a small sign saying, I would be grateful for whatever you can spare’ …… and there was nothing to spare from these good people as they came away from their message of love and redemption. I hope the story is not true.
But in past times, I don’t know if I would have been the first to make an offering. I too would have been afeared of the visible ‘difference’. “I was hungry and …..”
And their choir will not do their excellent rendition of ‘Hateluiah’ as nobody will attend my funeral. And yet – there will be one who prays for them (if I know how to pray and if it means anything) because whatever my faults (and I had my share although not as vile as painted) I believe that to love is better than to hate. And they will sing their songs and they will sing Hateluiah not Halleluiah.
For those who have not read Exodus 34 recently – I wonder how surprised you’ll be.
EXODUS Chapter 34 : The second set of 10 Commandments 1 The LORD said to Moses, “Chisel out two stone tablets like the first ones, and I will write on them the words that were on the first tablets, which you broke. ………….. 5 Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. 6 And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, 7 maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.”
(Alternative v6 & 7) I am the LORD God. I am merciful and very patient with my people. I show great love, and I can be trusted. 7 I keep my promises to my people forever, but I also punish anyone who sins. When people sin, I punish them and their children, and also their grandchildren and great-grandchildren.”
8 Moses quickly bowed down to the ground and worshipped the LORD. 9 He prayed, “LORD, if you really are pleased with me, I pray that you will go with us. It is true that these people are sinful and rebellious, but forgive our sin and let us be your people.”10 The LORD said: I promise to perform miracles for you that have never been seen anywhere on earth. Neighboring nations will stand in fear and know that I was the one who did these marvelous things.
11 I will force out the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites, but you must do what I command you today. 12 Don’t make treaties with any of those people. If you do, it will be like falling into a trap. 13 Instead, you must destroy their altars and tear down the sacred poles they use in the worship of the goddess Asherah. 14 I demand your complete loyalty—you must not worship any other god! 15 Don’t make treaties with the people there, or you will soon find yourselves worshiping their gods and taking part in their sacrificial meals. 16 Your men will even marry their women and be influenced to worship their gods.
Commandment 1 17 Don’t make metal images of gods.
Commandment 2 18 Don’t fail to observe the Festival of Thin Bread in the month of Abib. Obey me and eat bread without yeast for seven days during Abib, because that is the month you left Egypt.
Commandment 3 19 The first-born males of your families and of your flocks and herds belong to me.
Commandment 4 20 You can save the life of a first-born donkey by sacrificing a lamb; if you don’t, you must break the donkey’s neck. You must save every first-born son.
Commandment 5 Bring an offering every time you come to worship.
Commandment 6 21 Do your work in six days and rest on the seventh day, even during the seasons for plowing and harvesting. 22 Celebrate the Harvest Festival each spring when you start harvesting your wheat, and celebrate the Festival of Shelters each autumn when you pick your fruit.
Commandment 7 23 Your men must come to worship me three times a year, because I am the LORD God of Israel. 24 I will force the nations out of your land and enlarge your borders. Then no one will try to take your property when you come to worship me these three times each year.
Commandment 8 25 When you sacrifice an animal on the altar, don’t offer bread made with yeast. And don’t save any part of the Passover meal for the next day.
Commandment 9 26 I am the LORD your God, and you must bring the first part of your harvest to the place of worship.
Commandment 10 Don’t boil a young goat in its mother’s milk.
27 The LORD told Moses to put these laws in writing, as part of his agreement with Israel. 28 Moses stayed on the mountain with the LORD for forty days and nights, without eating or drinking. And he wrote down the Ten Commandments, the most important part of God’s agreement with his people.
Now, I have to confess that since these commandments were pointed out to me, I have not asked any priest or equivalent WHY the first ones (which were broken, destroyed and lost) have not been replaced by this second set as apparently their god instructed?? Can’t the priests understand a simple commandment ‘This replaces the first set’ !!!!!!!!!! (10).
But I’m tired of writing about the hate that THEY are willing to spread. I must be so unusual – I’m a man who likes to dress as a woman and I prefer kindness to nastiness and I believe that most people are decent and trustworthy. How ‘different’ does this make me from any of THEM?
'Helleluiah’ was their prayer
A second piece about being ‘different’ and how you might get treated by ‘Them’.
There comes a time when there is nothing to look forward to. When the past is filled with hurt and terror and shame and no expectation of improvement.
And, for some, there will be a turning point.
Life is not completely black and white. In the darkest corner there may be a speck of something shining. Despite the most earnest pleas from the typical ‘christian’ I can’t believe that god (if indeed s-he-it exists in anything approximating the form that any of his followers believe ) divides as starkly as do those who follow that ‘god’ into black and white. Nor can I go with the (primarily) Catholic option of provided you repent at the very very last second of your life then you’ll be ok. Being kind of egocentric for a moment, if this wonderful all-powerful, all-forgiving god demands that I accept the compilation of myths and legends that have grown up around what people think they know about him then, sorry and all that, too much of it doesn’t make sense. I’m sure I could write that better given time (and a very large pad of paper).
I am just about willing to accept that if this god or any of his coterie of other gods do actually exist then they are quite likely very far beyond our comprehension and very likely we are beyond their comprehension. To be blunt, if they are as far beyond us as we are beyond the ant – and we can only understand the anthill in bulk and certainly not as individuals – how can any of us dare pontificate about ‘what we know about god’. Pfffafff and Piddle. And sundry words suggesting concern, dissent and willingness to be uncertain.
And yes, if life is more than just black and white, that also means that even when the sun is shining brightest that there may be something black and vile hiding in the shadows.
But what are the reasons for hiding. Do you do it as evil things do so as to leap from hiding and do vileness; or do you hide either yourself or your possessions so that evil does not find you.
And have I hidden – yes – but let me tell you why. I was ashamed of one facet of my character. If I use such a word as ‘facet’ then I imply that (from some views) I feel that I may also be a bit of a gem perhaps. However raw and unpolished. So ‘facet’ is probably the wrong word. But, in passing, I would like to believe that almost every human is a potential gem.
I have lived long enough to feel that such a belief is fragile; which upsets me each time the thin ice of my belief is cracked. But I try to believe in the best of everyone I meet. I try to believe that the occasional nastiness occurs for reasonable reasons and that at other times they do not behave so poorly. I know I fail too and that my tolerance is, at best, quirky and over-filled with stereotypes.
But when my hopes come true, then I feel good. My inner and outer self work together to provide value.
I have been to the bottom. I took myself there by believing that I was of no value, worthless, incompetent and indecisive. The truth was that I was comparing myself to people who had complete certainty in their excellence, their competence and their decision-making. And beside them I was indeed, at times, less; or I perceived myself to be less.
But at many other times – the two of us could perform far better than either of us alone. At other times, I did well, helped kindly, listened generously and got near the best I could deliver.
But it was my perception that took me down the slope. And the slope is slippery. And like too many people of low self-esteem, the next step was to escape into a fantasy life and the perils of addiction. So – what led to my peril? What did I do that was so wrong?
I liked women’s clothes.
Not just when wrapped around the attractive or even not-so attractive body of a woman. I liked the feel of them wrapped round ME.
And apparently this is wrong. Apparently, this is so wrong that I am beyond the pale. Such that I should be forced from the tribe and condemned to a fate worse than murderers, rapists, whoremongers and abusers of the soul. The haters know that I am destined for the hell they believe in. Although never mentioned in their bible, they know that hell is where people go who do not obey the rules their god has created. No – sorry- not the laws that their god created but they laws THEY say were created. Ha.
If I analyse and interpret a verse to support my arguments – then they say that I am in the wrong and arguing wrongly and it is improper for them to heed my words. If they pick a verse or phrase to support an unusual, unkind or even twisted interpretation, they know that they are right and that no argument of mine can be of value. Twisting and wrongness.
The idea of noticing the treetrunk blocking their vision is truly inconceivable to them – because they are right, so certain of their rightness. Their views cannot be changed by logic because their views depend on faith.
Even the most ardent fanatic amongst them accepts that faith cannot be attained by logic. You either believe or you don’t. And they believe. And their faith is unarguable, inflexible and uncompromising.
In their book, one person asks ‘what is truth’. Their answer is ‘truth is what I believe’ which can be understood in two ways; either as ‘I believe in what is proveably true’ or ‘whatever I believe is my truth’ – which is not the same. For these people, ‘Them’, there is no need to change any part of their view merely because I provide a proof that they are misunderstanding or even wrong. Their views prevent them from being wrong. Being wrong is impossible for them.
The only events which can cause change are those which hit them in their hearts. For a very few, the discovery that a loved one has broken a significant law MAY cause them to re-assess that law. But many of them will shun and expel even the closest of family rather than allow love or forgiveness to crack their façade of self-approval and righteousness.
Faced with the choice ‘do you prefer a dead child or a live child with a habit of which you disapprove’ – how many of my haters would seem to prefer the former. I tell you true – there are some who worry more about ‘what would other people think’ rather than ‘I love my child’.
So, I’m trying to think of ways to do away with myself that yet will hurt not one of the people who might feel sorry afterwards.
Is there such a thing as a ‘quiet clean suicide’? I have already decided to provide a ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ form and I am trying to ensure that nobody is notified about any condition, illness or terminal state until I am dead. If there is a vestige of kindness and love in any of them then this may be seen as cruel or unkind by me. It may be that their attitude has given me a hard hard shell such that what love they may be offering is unseen, unheard and unfelt by me. Perhaps.
I suspect that I will not be able to hold to that determined and deliberate coldness – because that is just not the sort of person I am.
Some of these people became haters when they were told what I had done. Some were friends, colleagues, relatives but that faded with their calculated and intentional reproach. They could not separate the actual niceness that is most of me from the fractional, albeit deep, part which they despised and came to loathe.
I KNOW there is good in them because I am confident beyond logic that almost everybody is a mixture of goodness and bad. I have only met 1 couple in my 60 years that I would still try to hurt if I met them again. I asked them to work with me selling and debt-chasing. Between Christmas and New Year they copied all my records and then invoiced my clients for their benefit. The deliberate intent is what causes the most pain and is the most unforgiveable.
I know I have caused hurt – I have been told so by my victim. But was it ever deliberate – I truly hope I never did it on purpose. I did it stupidly, casually, because of my own hurt and addiction. But with cold, deliberate intent – never.
For me, the majority of hurt comes out of circumstances. The multiple choice where one must and does try to make the best possible decision even while knowing that for someone this will cause inconvenience or even damage. It’s called the Balance of Life.
I can think of no situation where someone I know tried to make a decision which would cause hurt. I know of decisions which had to benefit one person and as a side-effect would cause, at least, less benefit to another. But deliberate hurt – never.
To digress, the only people I know of who can and do cause deliberate hurt are abusers. For me, one Commandment should be ‘Do not Kill, Maim or Damage the Heart, Soul or Body of another.’ Abusers and similar people with complete lack of empathy can do this. I like them not. In these terms, a murderer, rapist or pxdophile is, for me, just a very much more revolting version of an abuser. They want POWER and they don’t care about anyone who gets in their way. Vile.
So – I want this all to stop. But I don’t know how to make my exit happen ‘nicely’. How twisted am I that even when I hurt I think of others rather than myself? I know in part this is because I do not love myself, I do not value myself, I barely like myself. What a shame. What a waste.
So, I suspect I’ll drift along getting more and more alone, lone and lonely.
If I were able to be as unkind to them as they have been to me – I would wish them to be judged as harshly as they have judged me. That since they claim to obey some 600 laws that they be judged in accord with every one of those laws and subjected to every one of the punishments. That since they prefer hate and intolerance so they be subject to exactly what they have handed out – be done by as you did.
I have heard them talk of their friends and colleagues when those people are out of sight. Their claims to being better, their claims to knowing how others should run their lives because ‘I know best’. I would wish that their targets knew everything that had been said about them and retaliated with the amount of hate that my haters have poured on me. I would wish that they could learn the results of their arrogant unkindness and then, with that horrible insight, that they be allowed to judge themselves.
If they will live forever as they believe – then should I hope that they are as lonely as I am? Forever? I can’t do it. It is not in me to do so. Perhaps their real hell would be to live forever while understanding the hurts they have delivered by their own choices.
For myself, I am trying to rebuild. They have put me into a sort of hell. Should I applaud them for their efforts – I cannot be so unkind. I will not be so unkind. It is not in me to do so.
I really thought my secret was of little significance. I really thought my secret was not dangerous, unkind, improper. I knew then and still believe that it was not evil or vile. But ‘They’ know better.
They have tried to put me into a hell that they have designed. As far as I know, their God never said there was a Hell, not by any of his perhaps non-existent components. Their bible, their holy book, never talks of a hell of fire and well-deserved cruelty. Hell is mentioned but that’s in accordance with modern translation after centuries of accepting hell as a concept. How did the translation go some 1,000 or 2,000 or 3,000 years ago?
Their bible actually says that God created evil – now there’s a complication. What is the Hell they want to send me to?
I will not hate them – it is not in me. I cannot even wish for similar unkindness to pour on them. Perhaps the worst I can manage is that some day I hope they will realize that they have been unkind and that their unkindness has blighted their hearts and souls. And, if the god in whom they believe exists with all the attributes they believe he has, then I hope his judgement is kind. I hope they meet with Love rather than the God of Vengeance and Wrath of the older myths.
There are many Creation myths. Many are oral recollections which in many cases have become part of the root of a religion. Across the world, Africa, Asian, American-Indian, Aborigine and Aleut and all the letters through to Zulu – each such group has its own creation story. And they are many and varied and wonderful. In addition, there are the creation myths of recent invention. Narnia, Middle Earth, DiscWorld, Chalion, Cthulthu and so many more – and some of them are full of wonder too.
Even for the scientists, there is a gap at the beginning of it all. And into that gap, or perhaps out of that gap comes one single unproveable statement ‘Out of Nothing came Something’. Perhaps many scientists and quantum-physics-philosophers would prefer to say ‘Out of nothing that we understand came something we do understand in part’.
But this is very little different from the majority of religions which say ‘It began like this out of nothing and we need no further explanation’. To make such a blunt and unquestioning statement is to ignore and be uncaring about the wonders that have been created since the beginning of the Universe (however that happened).
Moving onwards through the eons, life began. Now I don’t know any scientist who has a proveable theory for how life began (on Earth) [we have no evidence for life anywhere else]. But the priests have nothing to offer beyond ‘it began because our god wanted it to be so’. To me this sounds like, ‘Believe because we say so’. How can a willingness to be ignorant be a worthwhile quality in a human.
At the next step, one has to consider Consciousness. The religious would go further and talk of Souls as well – but who knows if they exist or not? At what point do I or you or my inner self or your soul get further than being a figment of my imagination? Versions of this question have been posed and incomplete answers have come from Descartes, Bertrand Russell and many others.
And in all this piled-up heap of guesswork, supposition, wishful thinking, guilt, manipulation and vagueness, I am supposed to believe and accept that if I don’t obey a moral code specific to a particular group of nomadic middle eastern tribesmen from some 4,000 years ago ….. then I will be destined for a hell even they didn’t yet believe in. Golly. Wow.
So – while ‘They’ may pray in their self-centred ugly way that I go to Hell because I offend their narrow views, I hope only that they will be judged less harshly than I think they deserve. Would undeserved kindness be a sort of Hell for them?
I would like to imagine a hell where they are told they must obey every rule they have every imagined but that these rules, laws, edicts, demands don’t need to be obeyed by anybody else – just them. And that almost every one of these rules is meaningless. I need to think of a more clever hell – just for the haters.
Perhaps a hell where everyone hates them – for no valid reason. Perhaps a hell where they can’t understand why they are hated.
All these ideas make my head and my heart hurt. I can’t hate them enough to work out what would
'Hopeluiah’ – there can be hope
In this third segment, I was aiming at something better than the spreading of hate and nastiness. Maybe I am naïve but I do believe that people can be kind and generous. Well, some people, if not actually many,
Wouldn’t it be fantastic if some good came like Hope out of Pandora’s box. If out of the spew of unkindness that is so often and so willingly sent our way – that now and again there was unexpected decency and support - even niceness.
Out of Chaos – Excellence. Out of Disaster – Success. Out of Difficulty and Dysfunction – Love.
That’s what people need. But too often that’s not what one gets.
Out of Depression – Joy. Out of Wickedness and Unkindness – Pleasure. Out of Despair – Hope.
Wouldn’t that be nice?
I’m not an ordinary sort of person. I have attitudes, behaviours, characteristics, determinants, extremes, facets, guidelines, hangups, idiosyncrasies, which make me into who I am. I am one of those who apparently has ‘made the choice’ to be different. [I couldn’t keep this going past ABCDEFGHI – judgementalisms maybe, but I definitely can’t get past J.]
I’ve chosen to wear clothes deemed as currently appropriate to the female gender. And, since I am a man, this is seen as wrong.
‘They’ have taken it upon themselves to judge me, shun me, hurt me and shatter my life. After all, in the previous sentence how much was a stern fact and how much was transient opinion. Deemed? Currently? Appropriate?
Until recently I could see no way forward. I had no hope. I was alone and solitary. Driven by despair and hurt to the edge of life.
I had no one that I could talk to – as far as I knew. I had nowhere to ask for help, to beg for support, to hope for improvement. Plunging into despair, I refused to submit because I saw that as a victory for unkindness. There have been celebrities before who have announced their transition. Some have carried a few of their friends and colleagues with them into the startling new world of tolerance. So there may be hope. But the norm is for the person coming out as ‘so different’ to be disapproved of, abused in many ways and, in effect, shunned by family, friends and colleagues. The truth is that most people who become known as trans lose their families, lives, livelihoods and all the good things they once had. It is not enough for ‘Them’ that their new target has suffered for a long time under the pressure of hiding their real self inside an armour of drab drag. They must now be punished for trying to be ‘real’. Thanks – not.
But in the TIQ world, that gender-specific subsection of the loud and brash LGB umbrella, there is a slow growth and a hope that some change may come. The young seem to be more willing to be flexible. Some of them even seem to accept difference where their parents and grandparents see only wrongness. What would be the effect of a CHILD of a major celebrity announcing to the world that they were Transgender?
- . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -
This is the news from TIQ – your specialist reporting agency for ‘Beyond the LGB’ …… Listen Up ….
There was remarkable news today. There have been rumours but with no believable evidence in the mainstream news (no surprise), barely any on the Pink grapevine, and only vague hints even on social media or on any of the Tell-it-all-including-Guesswork sites.
And to my amazement – the rumours seem to be true.
Just a few hours ago, the mid-teenage son of the Prime Minister and the son of the U S President have both announced their arrival in public as transgender girls with the intention of moving to puberty-blocks, real-life test and age-appropriate surgery as and when approved.
Their transition is with the full approval of their parents who have stated very bluntly, ‘We prefer to have happy, live children than unhappy, dead ones. We know that we have made statements before this regarding gender, sexuality and tolerance but, we admit, this was before these issues made themselves felt in our hearts and the hearts of our lives. Perhaps we spoke before as children understanding nothing but now we can see clearly. We understand now that we should know and understand individuals rather than looking always at groups of people.’
The news has caused a furore amongst almost every group capable of making a coherent statement. The major religious groups – Protestant, Catholic, Greek Orthodox, Methodist, Jewish, Muslim-Sunni, Muslim-Shia have failed to steer the line between ‘this is what our God says and we prefer live / dead children’. Other groups such as the Mormons, Scientologists and their ilk have, not surprisingly, sometimes been supportive and sometimes not.
The LGBT cohorts have gone massively over the top in announcing that ‘here is the great news that will change everyone’s thinking’. As if that were likely!!
In America, the NRA, CIA, FBI, FU, FU-FU, FIFI, ABC, CBS, DEF, DHS, GH, IJKL, MNO, PQR and every other group of initials has made statements which are often re-phrased, re-tracted, re-worded or otherwise made redundant within a few hours.
In Britain and elsewhere a quantity of similar alphabetties are making statements that are similarly crass or, perhaps more hopefully, completely bland. In addition, there has been an outburst of dismay and barely coherent outrage from those who refuse to accept gender variation or sexual variation or, indeed, more than ‘acceptable variation’ from what they deem to be the norm.
The two girls at the centre of this fuss have made one simple statement.
“My name is Jessica Herraldo and I speak with my friend in London, Anna Rubenstein (amended for each country). We have met several times over the last year or so. Without intention, we began to discuss the pressures of living so close to the public eye. One of us made a comment which was misinterpreted and suddenly we were both talking about how to tell our parents that we were girls. We were not boys who wanted to become girls. We were girls, always had been, always would be and yet due what we felt was a physical deformity we had been labelled at birth as ‘male’. We knew this to be in error and needed to tell our parents and talk about how we could manage the change.”
“We decided that we would tell our parents at the same time on the next occasion we met. We have both presented as ‘male’ for some 15 years and this has been very stressful. It has been a pretence. We are not now ‘pretending’ to be girls; the truth is rather that we have had to pretend to be boys despite our internal certainty that that was wrong. Now that we are open about it, there will be other stresses but we are confident that we will be able to cope because we have people who love us and support us. We know all too well that there will be those who will not tolerate our issues and may not even tolerate our existence. We know this yet we do not understand it. Perhaps we are too young to understand hate and intolerance and the willingness of some to force people to behave in particular ways.”
“In the weeks since our outcoming, we have spoken with many people. There is complete agreement that our psychological characteristics are female. We are too young to have determined our sexuality but have been advised that the percentage of transgender people being LGB is much the same as it is in the general population, that is 2 to 4%. We’re certainly not abnormal. One doctor told us we are one component on the spectrum of human behaviour. We are not wrong. We are not weird. We are not freaks. We are TIQ.”
“To those who can listen, we offer a number of categories, of minorities which have at times been bullied, abused, persecuted for their external or internal characteristics – because they were seen as ‘different’. And we do not understand why some people see different as wrong.”
“The words we include will upset some – that is not the intent. Our intention is to say to EVERYONE – you belong to one or more of these groups. Hurting others is not the way to recover from hurts done to you. Perhaps you are White, Black, Brown, Yellow, Greek, Russian, Mexican, Mixed-race, Blind, Deaf, Disabled, Mentally ill, drug-addicted, alcohol-addicted, nicotine-addicted, other-addicted, abused, abusive, bullying, bullied, religious, irreligious, atheist, agnostic, tall, short, thin, fat, intelligent, stupid, red-head, bearded – the list is truly endless. Or Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Pansexual, Asexual. Male, Female, Questioning, Transgender, Intersexed – and Facebook has some 50 sub-codes. Married, Single, Widowed, Divorced, Monogamous, Monandrous, Communal, Nymphomaniac, Satyrous or whatever. Car-owning, Bicycle-riding, Horse-loving, Dog-owning, Cat-owning, Train-spotting, Gun-owning – every one of these will have people who support, people who dislike and even more who don’t care. What gives YOU the right to tell others how to behave?”
“Some of these people, they claim a religious justification for what they do. But one religious guide says ‘Judge Not that ye be not judged’. Other guides may say similar things. We are sure and certain that we can say to these people, ‘If your god made everything then he also made us, she made these bodies with these characteristics of body and mind of heart and soul – so he will judge us on how we have coped and how we have used our free will to honour what has been given to us. To the less religious and the non-religious we could give other answers. We can summarise most of these, perhaps a little childishly but we are still young, as ‘Be nice and do to others as you would have them do to you.’”
“Another of our advisors, a priest, said ‘If we believe that everything is done according to God’s plan then the fact that, from an age before you were able to understand the concepts of god or of religion, both yourself and Anne have consistently and repeatedly stated that you were girls – then since God does not make mistakes, your need to transition must be part of God’s plan for you.”
“We are not trying to change the future. We have no intention of being figureheads for the advancement of LGB rights because our issues are not about our sexuality. Nor do we intend to be spokespeople for the TIQ movement which does concern itself with the spectrum of gender. The best we hope for, the maximum we hope for, is that we will be left alone to be typical girls in each of our countries. Yes, we are members of a group which may be even 1% of the population. Our parents have access to resources which can identify thousands of loud and noisy minorities which number as much as our 1% or more or sometimes fewer. We are not special. We belong to a minority. You are absolutely entitled to disapprove peacefully of our minority in the same way that we can, if we wish, disapprove of any other minority.”
“I finish with the end of another story ….. and when the troubles of the world had been let loose, the last thing remaining in the box was Hope. We have hope that you will let us get on with our lives.”
“Thank you for listening to me, Jessica Herraldo and to my friend Anna Rubenstein.”
=====================================
The news a few days later was not good.
‘NEWS UPDATE‘
The body of missing Jessica Herraldo has been found. So far, there have been claims from 26 groups taking responsibility for her kidnap and killing. These include the following : The Catholic League against Indecency; the Texan Pro-Family Collaboration; the Neo-Nazi Purity Association; the Republican Breakfast Party; the Mayflower Wives of Virginia; Abortion even for Teenagers; Cull-or-Cure and nineteen others whose claims appear rather less plausible. There has been no statement from her parents nor from her British collaborator Anna Rubinstein.’
‘To give a flavour of the statements being made by these groups, one has stated that
‘Jessica was taken from her parents’ care as they were provably incapable of correct parenting; she was escorted to a re-education camp. Her claims to need specific medication were reviewed by a team of eminent doctors and assessed as faulty, unlikely and improper. For reasons as yet unknown but completely separate from these self-assessed pseudo-medical claims, her condition deteriorated and despite our best efforts she died at the camp.’
Other statements have much the same tone of self-righteousness and certainty. We do not intend to identify which group made this particular statement.
‘The President has announced that, to quote, ‘firm measures will be taken to ensure that attacks on decent citizens belonging to any targetable minority will cease. America used to be proud of being an amalgam of many peoples, of being the great mixing-pot of cultures from across the globe. The murder of my daughter and the repugnant claims by so many groups that they take responsibility and that they appear to be proud of their actions is wrong in so many many ways. I can envisage no god who could take pride in the destruction of a child. It is men who have done this. Vile men or likely some vile women too. I say this as your President. As a parent, I have no comment at this time.’
‘In further news, : ‘The son of the Republican Leader of the Senate has been found dead having committed suicide by stabbing himself 22 times shortly after a press statement that he was going to tell his estranged father that he had been in a homosexual relationship for 7 years and that the couple had adopted 2 children. The father, President of the Massachusetts Pride in Marriage Society has commented ‘I’m a bit upset but I haven’t spoken to the boy or even seen him for some years. And he certainly didn't come to my house yesterday because he knew what I would say to him.’.
‘In New York, there has been a series of attacks on nightclubs, discos and specialist shops. A group calling itself The Faithful claims responsibility. There have been no deaths and no significant injuries but 27 people are missing. The group claims to have taken these people to a re-education camp where they ‘will be taught the biblical truths that homosexuality deserves death; that transvestism deserves death; and that true marriage is between a man and a woman only.’
‘In Hollywood, the actors Charles Jensen, Andrew Bellew and Tony Samproso have announced that they will, in future, often be in public as their cross-dressing ‘sisters’. They are all well-known already for their active love lives and, later, we have interviews with several of their girlfriends who apparently know about this and are supportive of their behaviour. Tony stated, ‘We’re not like Jessica but we want Jessica to be proud of us’.’
‘In Foreign news, all three daughters of the Prime Minister of Pakistan have been accidentally killed leaving college where they were studying. Their car was apparently mistaken for that of bank robbers. Their mother said that ‘they had died honorably’. It was thought until today that the Prime Minister had two daughters and a son.’
‘In France, M Molineux, the leader of the Congress turned up in a fetching red dress commissioned especially for him for the occasion by Chanel. The dress, of crushed red velvet with a white leather trim was accessorised both by a unique handbag from LVMH in opposite arrangement and a matching fascinator. His wife watched from the gallery in a dazzling white tuxedo edged in red, obviously also designed by Chanel to match, and joined him for the news conference afterward.’
‘In Rome, the Pope has announced that the Vatican Choir is to be reformed after a gap of 300 years. There will be auditions for new choristers. The choirmaster, Fr Pederasti, gave details of the scheme for castrati to be tested for voice and suitability. ‘This is a great day, it is 302 years since we had a proper choir, now we have such a wonderful opportunity. It is like a fairy tale come true.’
‘In London, a group calling itself ‘Open and Out’ has announced the imminent release of the names of 53 Members of Parliament who are primarily homosexual but have denied it publicly within the last year; 94 Members who have had mistresses within the last year; 47 Members who frequent BDSM clubs; a list of 22 unnamed Members who have, er, specialist youth interests; 17 Members who have transgender or transsexual relatives, that is children, siblings or in two instances ‘wives’. It is expected that there will be several resignations tonight on both the government and opposition benches. On a more positive note, Open and Out has announced the formation of a Trans-Support Group which will meet weekly at the Houses of Parliament.’
‘In the After-News Discussion Forum, we will be talking with some of the people who have been most vociferous about the change in public opinion after Jessica and Anna announced themselves. Today, several of them have announced the formation of a new group called Hope-not-Hate. We will hear from them and how they see a future which might be an improvement on what has happened today. … Oh, I’ve been handed a note that a second super-group , Humanity AgainsT Extremes or HATE is to be formed of groups who, to phrase this carefully, ‘are less supportive of extremist and minority gender and sexual groups’.
‘We will try to keep you up to date with the enormous quantity of events that are occurring as a reaction, as a counter-reaction and clearly as an over-reaction in the Jessica Herraldo situation’.
‘It may get me into trouble but I’m going to make a personal statement. First a great statement from the past that I am proud to repeat even if amended slightly ‘I may not like what you say or do but I will defend your right to say it and do it’. Secondly, there are a quantity of minority groups to which I do not belong and whose statements, aims and activities I do not understand – but I will not condemn any group provided their aim is not to hurt me and mine. Now I do wonder how many of the haters could say something so lacking in hatred? Why do they hate minorities so much? Why do the majority have to hate minorities? How many minorities are actually a real threat?'
‘I suppose it doesn’t really matter ‘why’. It is enough that so many minorities are hated. And I – I am a member of a minority, probably several minorities if I think about it. Probably some minorities that the so-called and self-designating majority actually doesn’t like. But when you examine any individual – almost every single one belongs to a whole package of groups and almost every one of those is a ‘minority’. And some of those are hated. Beyond belief. Beyond rationality. Beyond logic. Beyond comprehension.'
'Have a nice day – if you can. '
===========
It’s now a week since those ugly events. And I have to say that I think things have calmed down amazingly. Even more to the apparent surprise of the majority – and don’t we have to believe some of what the media puts out – there has been a backlash and a remarkable turnaround in public attitudes to cross-dressing and even to transgenderism.
People have picked up, at last, on the statement that ‘for many of us ie transvestites it is only a preference of costume’ and that the behaviour of individual people is really only of significance if it causes benefit or disbenefit to them, personally, as individuals. And that doesn’t happen very often. And that only refers to the costuming of a person. I do agree that transsexuality is a more complex decision by any such individual. And how often does anyone go up to another and say ‘I want to have a personal assessment of your genitalia so that I can check whether you are using the appropriate toilet facility!! Wow – Gosh!!
What has become apparent is that the generally ‘Silent’ majority is beginning to be active. And most of their reaction is against the killers!
As an example, in the terms of one leaflet which is headed : ‘We do NOT like what you do and we do NOT defend your right to kill merely because you disapprove.’
Others put it more bluntly ‘Killing Jessica was WRONG’ and gradually this turned into a new campaign best labelled as ‘Hating is Wrong’.
Amongst the most influential events was the Oscar ceremony where a huge number of people wore trans-clothes. What was most interesting was that there was no element of ‘drag’. The new designs were clearly male versions of feminine couture - a truly startling costume. But the difference was in the material, the colours and the cut. Carla Jensen, Anita Bellew and Chloe Samproso were three of the arrivals. They were each wearing what I could only call a gorgeous dress, but styled for a man's body rather than for a woman. That is to say, to be mildly blunt, they didn't have boobs. But their dresses, or perhaps I should call them man-dresses were each lovely. Long swirly trousers – strangely almost indistinguishable from dresses; wide-legged shorts which looked like skirts; tops in all the wondrous variety of colours restricted to women for the last hundred years. And subtleties of cut, sleeve, shoulder, pocket, frontage with frills and froth. To keep things simple, all three still had the buttons on their side!
Clearly as part of a deliberate plan, there were others who took on the new style. And all the men went with all the relevant accessories, bags, necklaces, bangles – but now with calculated restraint. Many men took to heels, maybe only an inch and a half to twice that, but nonetheless the change of posture was obvious and noticeable.
The picture of Jack Hargreaves and his girlfriend Lyndi la Claire on the red carpet for the Oscars was on every front page. He was wearing the same general style – in effect a long tunic evening suit with wide-legged trousers looking very like a dress. The effect was emphasised by the material which was a soft jersey and silk combination in dark red shading to pale rose with white trim. He had extensions in his hair and then it had been styled into a long bob, very pretty too was the verdict from the fashion watchers. His girlfriend, Lyndi la Clair, was wearing the new feminine costume – a masculinised version of a normal Oscar dress cut to de-emphasise her excellent frontage and with an almost total lack of frills – but unlike men’s clothes for so long – she had the same colour palette as Jack in reverse. There was a delightful picture of the newest male heartthrob, Jack Hargreaves, with his girlfriend at an after-Oscar party and he was rubbing his feet and clearly saying ‘these heels are killing me!’
The next day, Jack was seen out wearing a new and startling design – again with the very wide legged shorts, with a minimal join at the hem – looking to many like a skirt. And the material was pale pastel green with a darker trim complimenting the shirt which was dark with pale trim - and frills and ruffed sleeves. But somehow still overall giving a masculine style. Obviously this was a planned event as several of his entourage were wearing similar but less emphatic styles.
Not surprisingly, within days, there were high street shops selling similar outfits. New words joined the vocabulary – two-way; and, for example, ‘madress’ once the tabloids had decided that man-dress didn’t work! But these new coinages faded quite quickly when Jack and his fans and his friends just started talking in terms of ‘dress’, ‘skirt’ even sometimes blouse.
Next on the celebrity circuit was a flock of top-level sports personalities; some from the NFL, some from golf and a couple of basketball players well over 6 foot tall. On one of the chat shows, they got to talking about how difficult it had been to find suitable clothes until man-dressing had so recently become more visible and available. The two players had mid-length skirts, as there was already less of the silliness about pseudo-trousers, and pretty blouses – but the outfits had clearly been made to suit as there was no pretence of a bust-line which would have been the case if they had simply found a blouse for themselves. Their comments again made it very clear that they were men who loved dressing not in any way pretend-women.
It was the next night that there was the first of the Tall-girls. These were some other basketball players who were not just interested in dressing with the new wider range of materials and colours. These were three teammates who would, if it had been feasible, become the girls they felt themselves to be since they were young. Enormous growth and amazing sports skills had forced them into the sporting world, where they were very comfortable as players but still deeply hurt by their inner difficulty. They all agreed that sporting success and resulting celebrity and financial security had been such that they did not feel that they any longer suffered from true trauma or even torment – but they did feel that their lives could have been very different and very differently pleasing. But at least they could now dress as they wished. Vin was wearing a simple (but long) A-line dress with two petticoats to fluff and bulk up the base. Laverne was the more feminine of the two, with a strapless evening gown, in pale-brown to contrast marvellously against his dark chocolate skin, emphasising his, er, pectoral muscles as well as two well-placed necklaces. Towards the end of the show, two of the players from the previous night arrived to express their support.
Ojay and Rick both made it clear that their preference was for dress, but as Rick said ‘if we want to dress nice then why should we be upset if other people want to dress but for different reasons. We’ve well signed into this ‘Hate the Haters’ thing. We don’t hate nobody – and we don’t see why anyone should hate us. I can understand if people hate what I do if it’s nasty or cruel or violent – but to hate the outside or the costume – what’s up with folks like that?”
It was one thing for celebrities to take on the challenge of the new styles but there was still uncertainty as to whether the trend would hit the high streets and become accepted as ‘a new normal’. Nobody but the most extreme in the trans world or in the fashion world expected man-dress to become THE new normal. Very few expected it to become widespread – but there was some strong feeling that man-dress would be quite widely acceptable. The fashion magazines were quite clear that most ‘new trends’ had actually been forecast as much as fifteen or eighteen months before. This gave the designers time to design, the manufacturers time to make the goods and the advertisers and trend-setters to push the ‘new’ styles. It was widely agreed that the man-dress style had broken the normal sequence – and that this was totally due to the trigger of Jessica’s outing, kidnapping and cruel killing.
It was some time before makeup became more of a mainstream activity for men. There had always been some men who had used a touch here and a touch there, but perhaps the trigger event for that was when the world-famous Italian hair-stylist Ricardo del Traverti opened his new salon offering makeup for men – and that Ben Bristow, the chairman of Youth International, was amongst the first to turn up for a session. Others soon followed.
To make it clear – this was NOT a surge of men looking for feminisation or as a precursor to a sex-change. This was just ‘ordinary’ men who liked a wider variety of clothing. They were fed up with drab, grey-blue-brown-black dullness in rough well-wearing materials and simple styles. No more.
Jack and others made it very clear. His speech at the New York Clothes Fair was pretty well-rehearsed. ‘We love clothes. We know that men used to be the peacocks. With all the materials, colours, styles and so on that have been the prerogative of womankind for many decades. We aren’t trying to take over. We’re not trying to go back in history to some archaic patriarchal style of living. It’s just that we love pretty clothes and see no problem in sharing our preferences with anyone who thinks like us. If you don’t like what we wear or how we wear it – then you are at complete liberty to dress as YOU wish. Just don’t put me in a box. And certainly don’t put me back in the box labelled ‘boring drab’. The only box I’m willing to be in, today, is ‘a man who loves clothes’.
But, gradually, more people became comfortable with man-dress as a new popular style of dressing. And, amazingly, the number of people pressing for actual transsexual surgery dropped slightly.
I do still believe that there is Hope even when your life feels like Hell and there’s too many people who Hate.
‘Halleluiah’ – possibly
This began as a series of jottings on how Hate & Hell are what 'They' want and deliver to our minority. I added Hope but then decided that it would be worth aiming for a viable Halleluiah as well.
There comes a time when you don’t know which way the world will tilt. I mean, you know that BIG things are about to happen but will this be a good change or horrible or much more complicated. Perhaps things will get better for my especial minority. I hope.
I remember reading a while ago that the Edgar J Hoover, head of the FBI, had been a secret cross-dresser. Needless to say, the forces of goodness ie the FBI and their cohorts deny this with extreme prejudice. But what’s to say that there never has been, is not and never will be a cross-dresser or a transsexual or a transgender person in a position of such authority?
How might this change things?
There’s enough anecdata to suggest that those most emphatically in favour of the cloakroom law [whereby you must use the cloakroom appropriate to your assigned gender whatever your external appearance – in case you’d forgotten] are extraordinarily prejudiced and myopic towards other minorities.
To be blunt, they don’t like people who aren’t pretty much like themselves. For legal and political reasons they may pretend and make as if they like others – but they really don’t. Or not unless that particular minority group intrudes only significantly and nicely into their lives.
I mean, take a look at the leaders of America or indeed most of the western world.
Male,
White,
Overweight,
Sleek and Rich;
allegedly christian,
allegedly moral,
allegedly straight,
allegedly monogamous,
allegedly decent.
But closer investigation shows how little and how few of them adhere adequately to their stated tenets. If you examine their voting preferences and private speeches, it is hard not to perceive that they take it further and actually despise minorities who do not match their categories. You don’t have to look too hard. So many, too many of these so-called leaders and the other grubby inhabitants of the ‘elite’ are lying, stealing, and bending the laws so often people have stopped commenting. A politician who wastes or steals a $1,000,000 is re-elected; his constituent who steals bread because he is hungry goes to jail. I don’t think that’s right. Ever. In any way. Are you with me?
‘They’ mostly vote against welfare, for tax-breaks for the wealthy, against abortion, homosexuality, immigrants, for big business, against choice by others, for choice and control by them, – you have to decide for yourself whether you like or dislike this elite who run most countries.
And the elite are fond of power. They like it and they aren’t going to change without some overwhelming compensation or advantage. The reality is their primary task is ‘to stay in power’.
So, what might happen? Can we hope? Will it always be Hell and Hate?
There has been a fantastic amount of pressure from the T brigade. From some viewpoints, some of the outcomes have been pushy and aggressive such that there has been some quite unfortunate reaction against. The Church of England apparently encouraging, almost pressing, children to dress in the opposite gender – completely overwhelming the truth which is that junior schools don’t make a fuss if a boy chooses to play in a dress or a girl plays as a firefighter.
Just in the last few days, the editor of Gay Times in Britain has lost his job after the outing of some extraordinarily intolerant twitters from some years ago ‘before he had a change in his whole life / began a new journey / etc’. I agree that people can change – but generally they can change only on the outside **** which is almost exactly the main argument against the truth of trans and transgenderism. It remains to be seen if this gentleman maintains the new personality to which he has been journeying.
And in recent months, there have been other developments in the realm of ‘Trans Pressure’. But we’ve all read the news. And we even believe some of it.
The Cloakroom debates which occurred especially during the US Trump-Clinton election fiasco – they do seem to have faded as an issue – but only in Democratic areas, while the Republicans continue to be brutal and brutish and, perhaps over-filled with the ugly effects of macho testosterone (even if some of them claim to be women!!). Well, now the election has passed and America is led by such a fantastic character ……. he has banned transgender people in the army, he has countermanded rights for transgender students; he has ….. you’ve read it all before.
You can guess my personal opinion. Yep – that’s right. I hate almost all politicians. The majority represent ‘Them’ and their ugly, often hypocritical views. The minority …… they’re pretty much ineffective. Change is going to have to come from within the TIQ ranks. We may be a minority. We may actually be a tiny minority -but change comes from determined minorities. Majorities don’t make change happen. Vegans were never a majority, nor were anti-fur or LGB or – there’s quite a list. We have to find ways to make change happen. And we have to do it with style and cleverness. One thing I am confident about is that the majority react more willingly to style than to nastiness.
I wonder if we can get any major celebrity endorsement of our difficulties as T. Not by someone who is T – not Caitlyn Jenner, Laverne Cox, Andrea Pejic or anyone already known – but by someone new who can make it clear that being T is not to be taken as a curse but as something stylish and good. Maybe it will be a famous sports player? If so few have admitted that their sexual orientation may be, er, offset from standard heterosexuality ….. won’t there be some who have gender issues masked, as in so many stories, by excessive involvement in ‘proper’ macho activities – such as sports!!
As always, it’s real people who make change happen – and T is just as real as any other group.
Caitlyn Jenner is (probably) the most high-profile transgender person in the western world. It may well be that one or more of the Thai or Filipino girls has an equal profile in their part of the world. There are numerous others who have been famous for a time, often for some years. But, back to Caitlyn Jenner – she has ‘met other transsexuals’ and learnt about their journey, their abuse and their difficulties. But I do wonder where and how she endured her real-life test if she didn’t notice the abuse, dislike, hatred and intolerance spewed in her direction.
One of the websites I found in passing had a speech of which variations can be found in more than a few T stories …… ‘None of chose to be like this. Who would choose to be insulted, dismissed, hated, disliked, loathed, ignored and twenty-seven other words denoting prejudice and abuse? Who would choose that if the alternative wasn’t worse. The emotional hurt of being different from how we physically present, huh. For what possible reason would anyone volunteer to fracture their own families, to lose their job, friends, colleagues, social position, status? Why would anyone want the emotional anguish, mental torment, physical pain and enormous intolerance? Why would anyone volunteer to have potent chemicals ingested for every day of their life, to spend enormous amounts of hard-won money? We do all this because it’s a choice. And the need has to be unbelievably powerful to withstand the ugly side of the equation. Oh get real.”
The speaker continued “But however we look at things we are a minority. Those of us who are transsexual and have taken all the steps to look like what we are …. We are a tiny minority. We are a subset of the trans group, we are even more so a subset of the LGBT brigade. Although it continues to annoy me that the LGB sexual orientation issue has been so stupidly mingled with the TIQ gender uncertainty, oh well, maybe later. And we are a minority of women – setting to one side those who will never give us that label. We are also a minority of men. Or as some would define us ex-men or never-men as I’d prefer. So, what demented twisted mind is still able to say that any of us has CHOSEN to be a derided, hated minority? And we are also a minority of abused-people – even if the abuse we get may be worse than what some others get. Our suicide rate is astonishing. The percentage of us who become homeless, jobless, family-less is higher than for any other minority of which I am aware. I do accept that avowed and publicly-active Nazis MAY be disliked more than we are – but …… maybe god will give me patience. Eventually.”
On another site, I found “The simple fact is, of course, that propaganda typically caricatures as it condemns, exaggerating one and omitting another feature to appeal to prejudice, play on fear, and deny complexity of motive and common emotions. Such denigration may be wilfully crafted in malice or reflect false perceptions—examples of both may be traced across countries, time and cultures. But the belief in exaggeration is not so easy to maintain, for even among the malicious what is initially known inwardly as calumny passes insensibly into received truth and determined certainty. And with that certainty of the wrongness of a perceived difference comes the willingness to turn thought into action and even violence. And it is faint hope to wish that the growing belief in a misstatement can lead to a turnaround as a few begin to wonder if their belief conflicts with other ‘real’ facts. Certainty is a wonderful feeling, it inspires confidence, group-think, togetherness – why would anyone want to sacrifice that. For a real example, consider the Scientologists – from the outside their views are extraordinarily bonkers – but people do join – and once they are sucked in, very few of them leave. Those who hate a minority will seldom be convinced that they are wrong by being given either true facts or a bigger lie.”
“All the evidence is that it is personal involvement that is most likely to cause change. If a child of an intolerant person takes up that particular hated trait – then there is an ugly choice. Too often, a minority person, let’s invent the word ‘minorist’ comes out with their especial family-hated behaviour. The family can either erupt and throw out the minorist; kill or otherwise abuse the minorist or, on a few occasions, embrace the change and decide that maybe the minorist is entitled to their choice. We all have anecdata about the likelihood of each such choice. Most crudely put ‘do you want a dead child or a happy child?’ “
The speaker ended the piece with a comment about the quality of information on the web. “There’s a lot of good stuff out there – and an amazing amount of cr.p. It does concern me that the evidence is that young people are not given the tools with which to make a good judgement about which is which. Maybe it is something that only comes with age and experience. It also concerns me that the likes of Google give you what they think you want to see based on previous enquiries. If we can trust them – well, that may be viable. If they move towards control of what we see – then I have concerns. And I worry that the computer-generation will be too well trained to notice what is happening. But let’s be hopeful.”
As I said, I’ve written about the Hate and the Hell. I then offered some Hope and now, and even bigger wish that we get to Halleluiah.
And I know that WE are going to have to make the changes happen. Go ‘T’.