"What’s with this Bill?"

"What"

"You know what, this private hire in October."

"What about it"

I rolled my eyes; he can be so perverse sometimes. The fact that it was on my, well mine and Dens schedule and it wasn't there an hour ago was enough reason for me to be curious ' the post it saying see me was another hint.

"Are you gonna tell us about it or not"

"Come in and shut the door"

This sounds serious. I pulled the door shut and took one of the chairs opposite Bill.

"So what's the mystery?"

"No mystery, its just a private party."

"THERE’S MORE I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR EYES"

"God help us, your worse than the missus. Well you know that the holiday bookings have been down the last couple of seasons," he waited for my nod before continuing, "well it’s not just us, even Wally's have been canceling departures. Anyway we've been looking at ways to keep you lot on the road, we've not quite got desperate enough for rail replacement but we might have."

"Stop beating around the bush."

"Sorry Chris, well we've decided to give private hire another go but instead of day trips we're going for the longer tour stuff battlefields, history stuff and I’ll talk to you all soon about what we're going to offer for next season the idea is to start doing more themed stuff and old fashioned tours."

"Sounds good so far, anything I can do to help."

"Well that's where this trip comes in. Its the local British Legion."

"You are kidding! So go on where are we going and why me?"

"Northern Germany and we had a special request for you and Den, apparently the organiser chap went on one of your trips last year, Black Forest I think he said."

Well I did three Schwarzwald's last year so he could be any of about a 100 passengers.

"So what's on the itinery then, cemeteries and stuff I suppose?"

"Well apart from a couple of stops he's requested you've kind of got carte blanche."

"Me?"

"Well that's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. How do you fancy a bit of a promotion?"

"What come off the road?"

"Well not exactly. I was thinking of putting you in charge of the 'specials', at least for this season. Your down time between tours you can do the organising stuff then you take the trips too. Den'll be your allocated driver and if we need more capacity we'll work that out later."

"Sounds like a lot of work to me."

"I never said it would be easy."

"Can I think about it?"

"Well don't take forever, I do need you to do the Legion trip whichever way you decide."

"Hmm, okay. I suppose you've got some details for me?"

"So waddya think?"

"I dunno Den, it’s a lot of work."

"You’re up to it."

"I guess."

"And it’s a good opportunity."

"What about you, you never fancy a desk job?"

"Nah I enjoy being on the road too much. Don't mind giving you a hand though."

"Well it is tempting, I mean open book on new themed tours, it’s a novel idea."

"I think it’s a stonker, back to the old ways ' the punter’s love it."

"I’d best talk to Julia before I say yes."

"She’ll only say the same as me."

"Well its only fair."

Of course my significant other was all for it, I could almost see the pound signs in her eyes! Not that she’s mercenary or anything, heaven forbid!

My debut as tour captain was still some time away - plenty of time to get it sorted.

Six weeks later

"A tour for a bunch of archaeologists around Lüneburg Heath."
"Okay, what's the catch?" there had to be one, nothing is that simple.
"Well there's only twenty of them and some of the places they want to visit are a bit out of the way."
"Like how much out of the way?" Den enquired.
"Not remote, more poor access, single track roads."
"We could use Tiddler, I'm sure Bill won't have a problem with that, we might need to negotiate with them if the access is that bad. I take it we can do it date wise?"
"Yeah, its early October a fortnight before the Legion trip."
"Lets have a look at the itinerary then."

"Right then Jonathan, I think that covers everything, I certainly can't think of anything else."
"Well there was one thing Chris, do you know who the tour manager will be?"
"I was planning on doing it myself, why?"
"Well we were rather hoping that that German girl could do it, nothing personal like."
"German girl?" then it dawned on him, Nena, his alter ego.
"Well I'll have to see if she can be available but I can't promise anything."
"It'd be good if you can, my mother did a trip with her at Christmas and never stopped going on about her, Nena this, Nena that."
"I'll see what I can do."
"I'll get this lot back to you this week Chris."
"Cheers"
The two men shook hands and Jonathan Brown left Chris's borrowed office.
"Flippin' Nena! Every time I think I've sunk that spectre she comes back to haunt me. It's not like she does the job any different to me - hardly. I guess I can talk to Julie about it later.

"Just say she can't do it" Julie suggested.
"But what if they cancel?"
"Chris, they aren't going to cancel, they've already paid the deposit so don't worry so."
"But.."
"But nothing, Nena doesn't exist does she? So she can't take this tour whatever they want."
"I guess not"
"Well quit worrying then, they'll get over it."
"I suppose you're right."
"I know I am, now get up to the bar and get me another drink."

Chris shivered as he walked across the Global yard, four thirty in the morning, especially in October is never warm but this morning nerves bolstered the cold.
"Ey up Chris." Den called across from where he was just locking his car.
"Mornin'"
"So boss man, you ready for this?"
"As I'll ever be."

The two of them walked round to the yard where their chariot for the week, Tiddler was waiting. Bill had readily agreed to them using the little Setra, it had freed up a big bus for a school contract which had worked out well all-round.

Den opened her up and got the motor running before opening the side hatch to stow their bags.

"I hope there's enough room in here" Chris mused.
"There's only twenty of them,” Den pointed out.
“Yeah I guess.”
They mounted up and by five, with the first inkling of dawn still an hour away they set off to pick up their charges. Since Chris had got his PSV license it gave them the option of doing trips like this without having to overnight on the way. Den would drive down to the Channel before Chris took over for the next leg across to their German destination. That would leave Den to drive while they were away before a similar arrangement on the return.

It wasn't a long drive to their pickup point, and at stupid o'clock in the morning the traffic was pretty light.
“Well Jonathon's here at least.” I noted as we pulled into Meadowhall coach park.
“Looks like they all are.” Den noted; there were certainly quite a few bodies suddenly emerging from the few cars waiting nearby.
“Morning Chris,” Jonathon mentioned as Tiddler's door opened, “no Nena then?” he went on peering into the bus.
“I er, not yet, um this is Den our driver.”
“Morning.” Den offered
“Morning Den.” Jonathon replied.
“Shall we get this lot loaded then?” our ‘clients' were gathering with their bags behind Jonathon.
Den hopped off and was soon stowing bags.
“Everyone here?”
“Well apart from the two at Dover, they're all pretty keen.” Jonathon mentioned.

It was a mixed group, mostly middle aged with a couple of Oldies and one younger couple. They all seemed to get along and they waited for Den to finish loading before a word from Jonathon had them climbing on board.
The door hissed shut and before I was seated Tiddler was easing away from the kerb . I let Den negotiate his way to the M1 before I clicked the microphone on.
“Good morning everyone.”
“Morning.” Came a rumble of replies.

“My name is Chris and beside me driving is Den, if you need anything just ask us. I've got to tell you some stuff about our vehicle, firstly emergency exits, there are three, the front door, middle door and the rear nearside window. There is a first aid kit above the front door and fire extinguishers at the front and side doors. We strongly advise that whilst not a legal requirement in the UK you use the lap belts on your seat, once we cross into Belgium it does however become mandatory so if we get stopped by the police make sure your belts are done up!
We have about a five-hour drive down to Dover; we'll have a couple of short stops on the way to catch our eleven o'clock ferry. Everyone has their passport to hand?”

There was a general murmur of agreement.
“The boiler is already on so in a few minutes I'll come round to do hot drinks.” I clicked off the ‘phone.
“I was gonna go across to the A1.” Den mentioned.
“S'okay, I'll wait till we get onto it before I serve up.”

We were already almost at the Worksop turn so it would hardly delay things much. Our passengers were at any rate mostly chatting away in various animated conversations so they'd not notice anyhow!

The day developed bright but the few clouds above us were moving at quite a pace and nearer terra firma Tiddler was taking a bit of a buffeting on the increasingly busy roads. We made good time until the QE2 Bridge but the traffic kept moving so we arrived at the port just after ten. Our extra passengers were quickly loaded and after the usual merry go round ride around the docks we joined the rows of vehicles waiting for our eleven am ferry.

“Tea?”
“Please Chris.” Den agreed as they queued for their food in the drivers lounge.
“Here we go then.”
“I thought you'd sorted that Nena stuff out with whatsisname, Jonathan?”
“Steak pie please, I thought so.”
“Same again, well it sounded like he was still expecting her this morning.”
“Er maybe.”
Thinking back I don't remember stating one-way or the other. I had hinted very strongly that she wouldn't be available but I guess I never out and said she couldn't full stop. I guess I sort of sidestepped the issue when it came up and maybe I sort of forgot about the request.
“Don't tell me she's gonna make an appearance?” Den quizzed as I tucked into my lunch.
“As if!”
“Well stranger things have happened.” He noted before taking a glug of tea.
That was true.
“Nena will not be making an appearance this week or any other time soon.” I stated vehemently.
“Hmm.”

We were just outside of Hannover before the subject came up again.
“Just a quick toilet break folks, its only about an hour to our accommodation.” Den stretched before slipping off of Tiddler.
The drive across Belgium, Holland and into Germany had been boring to say the least – not exactly scenic and my attention had been on the unusually heavy traffic as we headed east.
“Long day eh Chris.” Jonathon mentioned.
“Yeah, only another hour or so though.”
“So Nena joining us there then.”
I was caught unawares and just mumbled “um.”
Jeez, that guy is persistent.

Den took the last leg so I could do my stuff for the accommodation and so on. Jonathon came forward for a chat, as our destination got closer.
“We eating at the hotel?”
“No, I've got us booked in a restaurant just down the road in about forty minutes.”
“Okay I'll make sure this lot don't hold us up then.”
“I'll get everyone in their rooms then we can drive down on the bus.”
“Nena joining us tonight or in the morning?”
Bum! He really was expecting Nena to turn up, what do I do now?
“Er yeah”
“So tonight then.”
“Er no er tomorrow.” Why did I say that?
“Great, I look forward to meeting her. I'll just have a word with this lot.”
“Er use the mike.” I offered thumbing the control as I passed it over.
“Thanks Chris, people!” he paused to make sure he had their attention, “ok I know it's been a long day but we'll be at our accommodation in about ten minutes.”
“Hooray!”
“Now we've got a meal booked for half eight so as soon as you've dumped your bags can you return to the bus and these guys will take us to chow. And something to look forward to, the lovely Nena will be joining us tomorrow.”
“Yay!” one tired voice called out.
Oh bugger!

To be continued.

Maddy Bell 19.06.08

"Sometimes I think you do it on purpose." Den sighed.

"I do not! Well okay I sort of volunteered on that Berlin trip but this time." Chris shrugged in resignation.

It hadn't taken long to check into their accommodation, which was actually a motel rather than a proper hotel; everyone gets a ground floor room at least. There’s a breakfast room but no proper on site catering hence the forthcoming trip to 'Am Bahnhof', a restaurant half a mile away.

"What time are we due out in the morning?"

"The first stop doesn't open till ten and its only ten minutes or so up the road so I told Jonathon 9.30."

"We might just do it then." Den mused.

"Do what?"

"Get you organised as Nena."

"How’re we gonna do that?"

"The town is only a few minutes away and the shops open at eight..."

"Anyone would think you enjoy this!"

"Well life is certainly interesting when Nena's around."

"Shush, they're on their way. We'll discuss this later."

Despite the long day of traveling our charges seemed pretty chipper as they re-boarded Tiddler to go eat.

You might have guessed by the name, the restaurant was situated in the old railway station and the room we were to dine in had started life as the signal room - it even retained the line board! The fare was adequate, after a day on the road I didn't think a big meal was a good idea so it was that eat German standby - schnitzel and fries! Everyone in the group seemed to get on well with each other and although some of the conversation was about digging holes a multitude of other subjects were covered before they retired back to the accommodation.

"Come on Chris, shake a leg!' Den admonished from the chalets doorway, "the bus is ready, lets go fetch the girl."

"Sure."

The day had the promise of being pretty nice, a touch of ground mist, a hint of breeze and a brightening clear sky above.

They'd already grabbed an early breakfast and the girl in charge had given them directions to both the main department store in the town as well as the local mini mall. It was going to be a tight run, two hours to not just transform into Nena but buy everything to do it too!

"I’ll drop you near the centre, find somewhere for Tiddler and come find you, keep your phone on." Den instructed as they tackled the early morning traffic.

"Ok, this looks like the junction Sadie was on about."

"Best get off the middle door, see you in a few." Den commanded.

'Geez, why did I let myself get railroaded into this?"

Chris crossed the Ring and joined the stream of early shoppers and workers heading into Lüneburg centre. Sadie's instructions were spot on and he arrived at the Karstadt moments after the doors were unlocked.

Hmm, where to start? Previously Julia had been around to help or he'd only been looking to buy a couple of bits. This morning, apart from urgency, was different. On one hand there would be a couple of other 'shopping' opportunities so he didn't have to buy everything this morning but he would need at least a couple of outfits and of course all the other stuff like make up. Good a place as any to start.

It was a fevered shop, eyeliner, mascara, lipstick - no not that, something lighter, matching nail varnish, cleanser, wipes - ah a bag to put it in.....

...."Vier hundert siebsehn funf und neunzehn bitte."

Gah! That’s anything I make this week spent! On the plus side there was a lot of stuff - he'd found a wig which would speed his changing up dramatically, there was a flight bag, undies, shoes - well the whole nine yards.

"Geez Chris, you bought the whole shop?"

"Only half, gis a hand with some of these bags."

"We’re running a bit tight on time, its nearly nine already"

"I can change on the go."

"Lets get back to Tiddler first."

The walk to the bus wasn't as far as Chris feared, Den had spotted a coach parking zone almost opposite where he'd dropped Chris off, most of the time before he rejoined his colleague was getting back to that point.

"Fifteen minutes, then we'll have to set off."

"Cheers, and you'd best start calling me Nena."

There’s one thing about the big German stores, they carry pretty much everything. One surprise bonus was the wig but another was finding some breast forms. Jules had often said that people see what they want to see and a bit of window dressing never hurt.

By the time Den pulled away from the kerb, Nena was there in person, she could do her makeup on the drive back to the hotel.

"Well?" Nena enquired as they approached the hotel, "think this'll do?"

Den looked over at his colleague.

"Nice, suits you"

"Watch out!"

Den returned his attention to the road just in time to miss the parked car.

"Er sorry but you can be a bit of a distraction kid."

In fact you could say that Nena was dressed for distraction - well to at least create one. From the platinum blonde bob to the modest casual shoes, Chris, well Nena now, looked all woman. If anything she looked more comfortable in the role than at any other time in the past.

Den pulled Tiddler into the courtyard where the customers were already gathered.

"Morning Dennis, we were wondering where you'd gone" Jonathan mentioned as the door hissed open.

"Fuel, and I had to pick up this young lady from the station."

"This is Nena?"

Nena had a bit of a panic attack, what did that mean? Had he seen through the disguise?

"This be she, Jonathan let me introduce Nena Ziegler, Nena this is Jonathan Brown."

"Morgen Jonathon, nice to meet you."

"And you Nena, my sources were wrong, you are far better looking than Kate Moss. Uh where’s Chris?"

The comment made hi-er blush but she had come up with a ruse to get past that hurdle.

"He is heading towards Berlin, for me to be here for you he has had to cover my contract in Berlin, I work as a sightseeing guide in the low season."

"I’ll have to thank him later, I never imagined he'd have to go to so much trouble for you to join us this week."

"You don't know the half of it boyo,” Nena muttered in her head.

"Its not a problem, really." She smiled back.

“So are you folks getting on or what?” Den interrupted.

Jonathon stepped down and rallied his troops.

“I think he’s smitten!” Den mentioned sotto voce.

“That’s all I need.”

Den chuckled as the first passengers mounted the steps.

“Güten morgen everyone, my name is Nena Ziegler and I will be your guide whilst you are in Germany. I’m not any kind of expert but from the itinery Chris and Jonathon have worked out it looks like you will have an interesting week. So in advance I must apologise for any mistakes, if you have any not archaeology questions I will try to answer.”

Jonathon took the microphone from me and continued the pep talk.

“Thanks Nena, thanks again for agreeing to do the trip. Now this morning we’ll start off at…”

Den poked Tiddler back out onto the road and we set off for our first stop with Jonathon going on about Beakers and burial mounds. Yep it looks like an interesting week. It was only a few minutes along to our first stop at a tiny village called Oldendorf. The museum, well it wasn’t exactly The British, was in a converted barn in the middle of town, a neat timber and brick affair with a big sign proclaiming ‘Archölogisches Museum’.

“Hallo, Herr Becker?”

“Ja?”

“Nena Ziegler von Global England, Chris Hornby sprechen?”

“Ah so, der Englisher tourist fahrt.”

I sorted out the admission charge and as Herr speaks very little English I got to do a simultaneous translation of his welcome speech. Our audience seemed to be hanging onto every word, one or two I could see nodding with understanding before I made the translation so they weren’t all ignorant of the German language. On the other hand I had to check a couple of times that my translation made sense – you can easily get lost in technical German!

The museum itself seemed smaller inside than out, a reverse Tardis, but my charges seemed to find it interesting, pictures and bits of stone seem to be a universal language. The visit was over in about thirty minutes, Herr Becker came out to bid us farewell.

“You are going to the Totenstedt?”

“Yes, can we take the bus to the parkplatz?”

“I think yes but the road is not so good.”

“Well thank you for your time.”

“The pleasure is mine, Friday’s are generally very quiet!”

“Tschüss!”

“Wiedersehn.”

I climbed on board and the door hissed closed.

“So?” Den enquired.

“He said there’s space but the lane is a bit rough.”

“We’ll have a look then.”

Betsy wouldn’t have been very happy but Tiddler survived the rough track without too much bouncing about inside, the parking area was easily big enough to get our little bus turned about.

Well I can’t say that I was that impressed by my first look at the site ‘in the flesh’ so to speak. My charges however swarmed over the clearing like some sort of hi-tec ants, pausing occasionally to take photographs or listen to Jonathon explaining stuff. One thing that did impress me was the size of these Hügelgräber – over 100m long some of them! The sky had clouded over while we were in the museum but it was at least still dry.

Jonathon seemed to have some experience in herding this bunch of people and we departed the Oldendorfer Totenstedt within a couple of minutes of our schedule. The next stop was barely ten minutes away, at least ten minutes after we returned to tarmac! Raven was to prove more typical of our visits for the day; park Tiddler up and then a few minutes walk to the point of interest – in this instance a single chambered tomb hidden amongst the trees.

The following stop, Rolfsen was something a bit different, Jonathon called it a Ring Cairn but it looked like some sort of Victorian garden feature to me. It was here however that the archaeologists started to show their sense of humour, one of the young couple, Stevie posing in the pit thing, a kissed or something, for some humorous ‘Chad’ type pics.

The next stop was to be more interesting. It being just after one, this would be our lunch stop, out in the wilds of northern Germany eateries are not abundant so I, or should I say Chris agreed to provide a snackette courtesy of Tiddler’s catering facilities. Jonathon led his gang off to look at the piles of rocks while I got to break out the food.

“You want a hand?” Den offered.

“Please, can you put the cups out, I can pour straight into them then.”

It wasn’t exactly Michelin Star but microwaved soup and bread rolls followed by fruit and a choice of beverage was the agreed menu and even I couldn’t muck that up too much. For once I was thankful that Bill had always gone for the full catering package – not that we usually did more than tea or coffee!

“That hit the spot.” Graham, an older member of the party noted.

“Everyone had enough soup?” Den enquired brandishing the jug I’d used to heat the vegetable soup in.

“Hmm, plenty.” Stevie answered.

“Yeah thanks Nena.” Jonathon offered.

“No problem.”

“So Nena,” Stevie sidled up to me as I started clearing up, “you been doing this long then?”

“A couple of years now.”

“You’re English is really good, almost like a native.”

Nosey moo!

“Er thank you, I went to England to study tourism.”

“Ooh where did you go?”

“Nottingham, you know it?”

“Not per se. So how come you are working for a Yorkshire firm?”

I laid the German accent on a bit thicker, “from the course, I had a placement and after I was offered some work.”

“Cool, it can be a bitch getting a new job.”

“Sorry to butt in Nena, but we need to get going.” Den inadvertently rescued me.

I’m gonna have to be careful with that one.

Maddy Bell 08.07.08

"So what was that all about?" Den quietly enquired as we pulled away from Wolfenbuttel.

"Dunno, I think it was just chit chat. "

"Well I guess she might just be a talker."

"I hope so."

The remainder of the afternoon, it was after two now, would be in and around the town of Uelzen before returning to Lüneburg to eat. There was plenty of chatter behind us, just as well they were occupied its hardly hot on the scenery!

It was a thirty-minute drive to the town; we nearly missed the turn for the next pile of stones, having to do a full 450-degree trip on the roundabout!

"Up under the bridge, it's about a 100 metres further on."

"Here?" Den asked.

"I guess, at least there’s plenty of room to turn round."

"Indeed"

Our charges exited the bus and waited for Jonathon to lead the way.

"Jonathon, do you need me here?"

"I think we can cope, something more pressing?"

"Finishing the clean up from lunch."

That seemed to stop him in his tracks, whatever he was about to say!

"Okay people, this way."

"Guh! I hope he's not like this all week."

“I’ll protect you fair damsel.” Den hammed.

“That’s all I need!”

Jonathan finally led his people back into the parking area nearly an hour later, twenty minutes ‘overdue’.

“Sorry we’re a bit late guys, Barbara got a bit lost.”

“No problem, its not far to the next stop, so hop on.”

Well maybe hop was a bit much to ask but we soon got them all aboard and Den eased Tiddler back towards the town.

“If we go back to that roundabout and straight over.”

“Okay, whatever you say madom.”

“Give over Sir Gushalot.”

“Ooh you cut me to the quick sirrah!”

“Just shut up and drive dopey.”

The drive to the bus park at Uelzen Bahnhof took under ten minutes.

“Can I have your attention please,” the general murmur quieted before Nena went on, “we’ll make this a shortish stop, it’s my turn to earn my pay though so if you can follow me please.”

“Think I’ll come too, I need the loo.” Den whispered to his colleague.

As a place to visit it didn’t look too promising, the bus station, a multi storey car park and one of those Edeka supermarkets. Nena led the way to the modern entrance to the railway station subway and into the dimly lit tunnel. From the mutterings behind it was obvious that the purpose of this stop remained unknown to most of the party. It only took a couple of minutes to make their way to the main station building, the steps up hinting at the surprise above.

Uelzen Hauptbahnhof is a must do visit if you are nearby and our little group of archaeologists were as amazed as anyone by the fantastical grottoes and lack of straight lines.

“Okay everyone, you can explore for a few minutes in a moment. Do you know of the artist Hundertwasser?”

There were a few sorts of grunts of recognition.

“Well as you look about inside and outside of this station you will see his work, there are lots of curves and baubles which typify his architecture. The people of Uelzen wanted something to make their town stand out and so when the railway company renovated the station they asked for Hundertwasser to do the design. Today fans of the artist and just curios people come to the town to see this place. So, you can explore a little, take some photographs maybe but please return to the bus by fifteen minutes as we have a further visit to make before we finish for the day.”

My charges dissipated and I took the opportunity to visit the facilities myself.

“I’ll see you back on the bus.” Den advised.

“Okay, I’ll stay and round them up.”

I found myself checking out the somewhat pricey gift shop.

“So Nena, did this Hundert whatever bloke do anything else.” Stevie interrupted my thoughts.

I was glad I’d boned up before the trip!

“Yes, he is very popular. There is an apartment block near to Stuttgart for example and also buildings in Wien unt Berlin.”

“It’s a bit weird isn’t it? Not very ordered.”

“I like it myself, it breaks from the normal erm, what is the word? Yes mould I think.”

“Well its certainly different, not what you expect.”

“There you are Stevie, Rob’s looking for you” Graham advised.

“See you later Nena.”

“Of course.”

“She gets a bit intense at times.” Graham observed.

“Yes, I think so.”

“Harmless enough though, Rob usually keeps her in check. Anyway I’m gonna head back to the coach, don’t want to be last!”

“Yes I should round everyone up, Dennis will wonder where we are.”
They were pretty good I must admit, even the wayward Barbara hadn’t strayed too far and there wasn’t any searching to do.

“Interesting stop.” Jonathon noted as we waited for everyone to re-board Tiddler.

“You should thank Christopher, he planned this.”

“Will do.”

“We all on?” Den interrupted.

“I think so, I’ll just have a quick count.” Jonathon volunteered climbing on board.

I followed and waited for his confirmation before closing the door.

Last stop of the day was a few minutes drive east of the town and the light was already starting to go by the time we crossed the Elbe canal. A bit of navigational help from Jonathon found us perching Tiddler on the verge at the end of the lane leading to Kahlstorf Hunenbett.

“You coming Den?”

“Nah, think I’ll make meself a coffee and have a read.”

“Okay, we should only be about forty minutes.”

I stepped down and started to follow the others along the lane.

By the time I caught up the rest were already assembled by the information board.

“Okay folks,“ Jonathon started, “this is our last stop of the day. Well we’ve got another typical north German great stone grave similar to what we saw first thing this morning. It dates originally from about 3000BC and was in use right through till the first century AD. When it was excavated in the late 1800’s they found a beaker dated to around 1000BC and I think it was six skeletons associated with Slavic migration of the dark ages. It was determined that the chamber here at the western end was used as an ossuary, no articulated bone was found inside, the Slav burials were placed towards the eastern end. Have I missed anything Nena?”

I quickly scanned the board.
“I don’t think so.”

“Well in that case I’ll let you all have a mooch.”

“Not too boring I hope?” Jonathon enquired once everyone had gone off to explore.

“A little but I am finding it quite interesting. I didn’t think of these places being in the countryside like this.”

“Its amazing what you can find if you look.”

“Like the Bahnhof too.”

“Where do we eat tonight?”

“Well there’s nothing booked, Chris suggests going into Lüneburg, there are plenty of restaurants to choose from.”

“Sounds good, lets get this lot back while we can still see.”

I took a last look over the ancient tomb; the sun was beyond the horizon already, setting on a pretty uneventful first day of Nena’s return.

Maddy Bell 17.11.08

I’d taken the precaution of booking us in at the Alt Bahnhof for dinner again so after a brief stop at our digs Den ferried everyone the short distance to eat. After a day exploring tonight’s meal was more lively as between eating the various stops were discussed, photographs compared that’s besides the large volume of beer consumed.

“We need to make an early start in the morning people.” Jonathon started to address his charges before they left Tiddler for their beds.

There were a few lighthearted groans.

“We’re not tomb storming again?” Stevie enquired.

“Nothing so exciting,” Jonathon grinned, “what time Nena?”

“If you can be at the bus for nine o’clock please we have about one hour to our first stop.” I supplied.

“You are early this morning.” Sadie observed as I poured myself a coffee.

“A lot to get in today.” I allowed.

“Ah here is the Fahrer, Morgen chief.” Sadie grinned.

“I um morgen.” Den’s German is better than he’ll admit.

“Coffee Denis?” I offered.

“Please Nena, they all about?”

“Ja, I have seen everyone.”

“Good, the roads aren’t the best so if we can make a few minutes it’d be good.”

With only Jonathon being privy to the itinery there was a buzz of expectation as Den nosed Tiddler out onto the road. Maps and speculation started to fly about the bus; Jonathon however kept Mum despite several attempts to wring some info out.

“Coffee?”

“It’d best be tea please.” Den replied.

“’Kay.”

I headed back along the bus to get the boiler going.

“Nena, you know where we are going right?” Stevie probed.

“Of course but I am sworn not to tell, coffee?”

“I told you.” Her hubby stated.

“Well you have to try don’t you Nena?”

“And you’re very trying.” Rob mumbled.

“I heard that Rob Jones.”

I made good my escape before I got caught in a domestic.

The roads were better than the map indicated, we made good time turning off into Fallingbostel a good ten minutes before I had expected.

“Not far now.” I observed.

Den nodded, “Ging in the garage was stationed here for a couple of years.”

“Fallingbostel?”

“Yeah, used to be a big British Army base here.”

“Bet they loved being out here in the middle of nowhere.”

“Its not that far from Hannover or even Hamburg and Bremen.” Den noted.

“Still.”

“We doing the short stop first? We’ve time.” He enquired changing the subject

“Yeah why not, I’ll give them some spiel.”

The PA let out a bit of a squeal as I turned it on which got my charges attention before I started.

“I know some of you have been following our progress on your maps so you have some idea where we are,” I paused waiting for the expected reply.

“A bit south of Fallingbostel.” Someone, I think Peter volunteered.

“Ja for sure. I’m sure you didn’t travel so far to sit on a bus all day so Chris thought you’d like a short leg stretch before we go on to our main stop this morning. Shortly we arrive in Krelingen, a typical Heide village with a small bonus of a Hunenbett a short way outside. We can’t take the bus through so we’ll park by the main road, it is a ten minute walk to the site, nothing too strenuous.”

I turned off the microphone and sat myself down again.

“Psst, Nena!” Jonathon hissed down to me.

“Jonathon.”

“I don’t remember this being included.”

“We have some time to kill, Chris put it down as a time filler.”

“Er okay, I don’t know this site though.”

“Don’t worry, Chris has done some notes for you.”

I already had the couple of sheets of info to hand so passed them back, “here you go.”

Any further questions were put off by Den pulling Tiddler to a halt outside Krelingen’s general store.

As Heide villages go Krelingen is unremarkable, a collection of farms interspersed with a few more modern homes but not much else. As everyone dismounted the sound of horses and kids playing only served to cement the image of rural bliss even if the morning mist has left a certain dampness behind. Leaving Den to turn Tiddler around, I acted as guide leading the way through the village on what I hoped was the right road.

My research was good and a few metres beyond the last farm a fairly new way marker directed us off of the road and into the scrubby woodland.

“All yours Jonathon.”

“Er thanks.”

“Nice.” Graham allowed stopping just beyond us to use his camera.

“Excellent.” Stevie concurred. I’m sorry but as Nena I can’t quite warm to her for some reason.

I’m certainly no expert but the semi manicured stone setting sat in the glade was certainly quite pleasing to the eye, maybe a little too nice. I think I read that it had been renovated just a couple of years ago, I guess that could account for the tidy appearance. The visitors did what I now recognised as their usual exploration of the stones before gathering to discuss what they were looking at.

“… So that’s all I can tell you.” Jonathon concluded having read through my notes.

I’d been keeping an eye on the time as we had a time slot at our next stop.

“I’m sorry to have to rush you a bit but we need to get back to the bus, we have a busy day ahead.”

“If everything is as good as this, I’ll run out of film.” Graham offered.

“I thought you were using digital.” Peter mentioned.

“I am, but you know what I mean.”

“Come on then folks, you heard Nena, we have some interesting stuff to see today.” Jonathon advised as he started herding the archeotourists away from the site.

It was literally a ten minute drive to Ostenholz once we had everyone back on Tiddler, delayed slightly by a visit by a couple of errant travelers to the shop.

“You sure this is right?” Den queried as he eased our transport onto the potholed lane, “It looks like it goes to some military site of some sort.”

“I did tell you, that’s why we had to do it today, there’s only public access on weekends.”

“If you say so.” I can tell that he wasn’t convinced, I don’t suppose the forest of warning signs were doing anything to allay those doubts.

“Straight over at the crossroads then we stop at the guard house.”

By now there were murmurs coming from along the bus, our arrival on the Osterheide panzer training area causing more than a little interest. Beyond the guard hut and road barrier the tarmac stretched off into the distance, arrow straight if undulating. Den eased Tiddler to a halt at the bar and I opened the door.

“Okay we just have to talk to the guards, Jonathon?”

“Er right, just a moment.”

To be honest I wasn’t quite sure how this worked, according to the Internet, whilst restricted access is apparently free but it didn’t mention if you needed a pass or anything.

“Güten Morgen, kommen sie hier vor die Steinhauser?” the duty officer enquired when we arrived at the window.

“Ja bitte, von England kommt.”

“You should have said straight away, we don’t get many foreign visitors.” He stated in perfect English – I thought I just did. “So you are in the bus? How many persons please?”

“Er twelve plus our driver and Nena here, we’re an archaeological group.” Jonathon supplied.

“One vehicle, fourteen persons.” The grinning guard entered onto his access sheet. “Okay, a couple of safety rules, no stopping on the access road except in emergency, you must only use this road, no deviations there is plenty of parking at the site.”

“Is there some sort of time limit?” Jonathon asked, something else not mentioned on the net.

“Not specifically, you must exit the area by five pm which should give you plenty of time. I’m afraid I’ve only got six sets of English notes, I’m sure you can share them out eh Nena?”

Is he trying to flirt with me? I took the offered sheets before replying, “yes of course, danke.”

“Lets get you folks on your way then.” He finished with a wink.

I followed Jonathon back onto the bus by which time the young guard was at the barrier, a manually operated boom that he deftly lifted.

“First time for everything.” Den stated with a shake of his head.

I waved as we eased through, receiving another wink with the replying wave.

Jonathon borrowed the mic before addressing the bus, “I’m sure you are all wondering what we are doing on a military training ground, well its not to play Tank Commander but to look at some special archaeology, the Siebensteinhauser which I’m advised translates to several stone houses. This is a live ammunition training area, which is why access is limited to weekends when the military don’t use the area.

I won’t say anymore just now, its about four miles to the site and you’ll see why I’ve brought you here then.”

This is the Heide in the raw, sandy heathland, a few scattered scrubby trees and here and there the skeletal remains of retired military vehicles clearly used as targets. At regular intervals signs warned of the dangers of straying from the tarmac – unexploded ordnance and imminent death are great persuaders! There wasn’t any other traffic as we bumbled across the semi preserved heath towards our destination. A dip in the road, a change of surface and we had arrived.

Even Den was intrigued enough by the inward journey to venture off of Tiddler to see what was hidden amongst the trees. The site is a bit strange, the military in their helpfulness after restoration in the late 1920’s early 30’s have built bunker like banks around each of the five ‘Hauser’ to protect them from stray munitions. The result is that where originally they would have been in sight of each other now they appear remote and as individual monuments.

Jonathon had done his research well, he covered everything mentioned on the German only information boards and used the nice plan to explain what we would shortly see. We trotted along behind our ‘leader’ to tomb ‘A’, a partly tumbled burial chamber constructed from huge slabs of granite. Compared to yesterdays little piles of stone and long thin mounds, this was clearly something quite different.

Visits to ‘B’ and ‘C’ revealed similar constructions that our group crawled over, into, around happily for a good few minutes. Jonathon had mentioned that ‘D’ was a bit different and even Den was surprised when the mound surrounded by granite slabs over 1.5 metres high was revealed. I guess the protective banks do add an element of surprise to each component. ‘E’ was a fourth stone chamber, seemingly less visited if the flora was anything to go by.

“Come on everyone, group photo.” Graham suggested.

The now very happy wannabee Indy Jones’ assembled by ‘D’.

“You two as well Nena.” Jonathon insisted.

After the David Bailey stuff we started drifting back to towards Tiddler.

“What’s the plan for lunch?” Den asked, “I’ll need to put some diesel in’t bus before we go too much further.”

“Bit of free time in Celle, it should only be about forty five minutes from here. I’m gonna have to take these tights off, its getting a bit warm.”

Jonathon once again acted as shepherd pushing the more errant towards the bus.

“Brenda, you can ring your mother on the bus, places to see?” Jonathon suggested.

“”Sorry, Jon.”

Brenda climbed aboard and after a quick head count Den pointed our steed back towards Osterholz and our lunch date in Celle.

It was a bit after one by the time we found the coach drop off point opposite the schloss in Celle

“Welcome to Celle (pronounced seller), there is plenty to see and there are many chances for food also. Can you please return here for two thirty?” I announced before anyone had a chance to get off.

“We’ll be here, you two not joining us?” Jonathon enquired as he stepped down.

“I need to get some diesel, we might see you in town later.” Den replied.

“Sure, okay everyone, lets let the workers work.”

Did I detect a hint of disappointment there?

“So,” Stevie started as she waited for her hubby to get off, “do you shave or wax?”

Maddy Bell © 01.02.13

"Stevie!” Rob admonished his other half as I started to goldfish, “she can be so rude.” He observed apologetically steering Stevie in the direction Jonathon was leading the others.

“um sure.”

I wasn’t sure exactly to what she was referring, had she spotted me as a bloke in drag?

“so what was that about?” Den asked as I climbed back onto Tiddler.

“I think she knows.”

“knows what?”

“that I’m not really Nena.”

“of course you’re Nena.”

“you know what I mean, she knows I’m a bloke in drag.”

“don’t be daft,” he snorted as he eased the bus into the traffic.

“I’m not.”

“so what did she say exactly?”

“something about whether I shave or wax.”

“and that means she thinks you’re a bloke?”

“why else would she ask? I must have missed some whiskers this morning.” I mumbled reaching for my compact to check for errant facial hair.

“there’s less hair on your face than a babies bum.” Den observed.

“it only needs one.” I suggested scanning my reflection for the offending growth.

Fuelling up didn't take too long and we were soon parked in the side street designated for tourist buses, not too far from the drop off / pickup point but far enough that most passengers wouldn't stray there.

"we eating then?" Den prompted as for the nth time i checked my face.

"i suppose so." i allowed distractedly.

"look, how many times have you done the Nena bit, twenty? thirty?"

"at least."

"and has anyone ever suggested Nena wasn't whatshe appears to be?"

"i guess not."

"i know not, not even that first time and since then Nena has become more girly than some real women i know."

"but..."

"but nothing, now get that arse in gear, i fancy some Frikadell."

"you'll start looking like one soon."

"i resemble that." Den returned with a grin.

They were all waiting when we returned to the pickup point which meant we started our journey northwards a few minuites ahead of my timetable.

"i hope you all enjoyed Celle and took a nice lunch?"

the round of rumbles and positive noises affirmed the genial feel of the reloaded group.

"we have some interesting stops for you this afternoon, we have perhaps fifteen minutes until stop one so iof you want a few minutes sleep after lunch now is your chance." i grinned.

That got a few chuckles, looking at one or two of them a post lunch nap was just what the doctor ordered.

I still wasn’t sure that this afternoons first halt was entirely appropriate, not that I’ve been before or anything. Jonathon however was pretty certain that his group would appreciate the stop, at the end of the day its his trip so who am I to argue?

“there’s parking on the left in about two hundred.” I needlessly told Den, it was already up on his sat nav screen.

“you okay girl?” Den enquired clearly sensing my unease.

“I’m not sure about this.”

“well cats out of the bag now.” He observed with a nod towards the big sign board we were just about to drive past.

‘Gedenkestätte Bergen-Belsen’

Den pulled Tiddler up alongside the Dutch coach that was already parked in the sparsely occupied parking area.

Jonathon was up and the mic in double quick time.

“okay folks, I know its not our normal thing but I didn’t think we should be so close and not visit this place, welcome, if that’s the right term, to Bergen-Belsen. We’ve got thirty minutes but if we’re a little longer we won’t miss anything later.

For anyone unfamiliar with the name, this place started out as a military base before part became a POW camp then later a female detention centre. When the British forces liberated the place conditions were so bad that pretty much everything was torched so there’s not a lot to see. Whilst not one of the Reich’s death camps it is most famous for the death of one particular inmate just weeks before liberation, one Anne Frank.

That’s all I’m going to say, see you back here.”

I hopped down to help with disembarking.

“you all right Nena?” Jonathon enquired, “you look a bit off colour.”

“I’m fine, this place gives me, um sad feelings.”

“you been before?”

“no but I did a tour that visited Buchenwald last year, I didn’t enjoy it.”

“you coming in?”

“I should make the effort, Den?”

“won’t be a mo, just getting the camera.”

The rest of the group were heading towards the visitors entrance, a collection of sixties concrete across the car park.

The three of us were about five minutes behind by the time we entered the site which despite the pleasant day was making a good effort at miserable.

“hear that?” Jonathon enquired as we started along the main pathway.

“what am I listening for? I can’t hear anything.”

“that’s just it Nena, no birds or anything, its like they know what this place is.”

He wasn’t wrong, even out in the car park you could hear birds in the surrounding forest but here, nothing.

“that’s well spooky,” Den observed, “whats with the blocks Jonathon, some kind of foundations?”

“not exactly, the plaque explains, you want to do the translation Nena?”

“er sure,” I read the inscription, “shit!” I whispered.

“What?” Den pressed.

“it’s a grave, a grave for twenty thousand people who died here.”

“geez.” Den mentioned, the colour draining from his face.

“there’re several more further up, the biggest holds fifty thousand.” Jonathon supplied.

The feeling was not good. The open field, grassy mounds, this was the site of so much death just sixty or so years ago. I followed Jonathon along the path towards one of the few grave markers dotted across the grass.

“she’s not buried there of course.”

“she’s not?”

“no, its just a marker for people to visit.”

“the others the same?” Den asked.

“uh huh, there was no way to identify remains in the mass graves but some of the families have had stones erected.”

I gave an involuntary shiver, it was only when Jonathon squeezed my hand that I realised he’d been holding it for some minutes. My reflex reaction was to pull free and wrap my arms around myself.

“okay Nen?” Den enquired.

“I guess, its this place, its so sad.”

“I’m gonna take Nena back to the bus Jonathon, we’ll see you in a few minutes yeah?” Den prompted.

“sure, I’ll round them up.”

“thanks Den.” I mentioned as he unlocked our steed.

“it wasn’t just the place was it?”

“he was holding my hand!”

“and that’s bad because?”

“its bad because I’m a bloke, a straight one at that.” I hissed back.

“but he doesn’t know that.” Den pointed out.

“but, but…”

“he was just reacting to what he thinks was a pretty girls reaction, offering comfort.”

“he squeezed my hand.”

“can’t say as I blame him, he most definitely sees you as a female of the species.”

“I should never have done this.”

“you didn’t have to.” he pointed out.

Any further discussion on the matter was deferred as the first of our passengers were approaching Tiddler.

The bulk of the group waited by the door until Jonathon and Graham arrived before climbing aboard. I couldn’t help getting the feeling that I was being watched, you know, like someone running a finger up your spine. A look around didn’t reveal anyone anywhere close at all, guess it was my imagination.

“wasn’t so bad.” Den noted as he swung Tiddler out onto the road.

“I didn’t enjoy it one bit.”

“never said I enjoyed it, gave me the heebie geebies in fact but I’m glad we stopped.”

“I’ll be happy to not do it again.”

The bus was in a reflective mood as we made our way past the British Army base at Bergen on our way to our penultimate halt of the day.

“you doing a tea round?” Den suggested.

“wasn’t going to, I thought we’d get a cuppa when we stop at this next place.”

“I guess I can wait.”

“you poor deprived thing.”

“this the one with the dodgy access?”

“don’t know about dodgy, bit narrow perhaps.

“hmmm.”

There was no way we could get Tiddler up the direct lane from the village, far too narrow for comfort but a short detour brought us in from the other direction.

“this is more like it!” Graham beamed as I helped him down.

Looks like a pile of brambles to me.

“before Jonathon takes you to look at the stones, if anyone would like hot drinks they will be available when you return.” I informed everyone.

“thank you Nena, much appreciated. So folks lets go look at Siddernhausen, a classic passage grave…”

Jonathon led his charges up the hill leaving me and Den to turn the bus around in the tiny lane.

A light breeze depressed the temperature despite the late afternoon sunshine, after Belsen even the distant chugging of a tractor was reassuring, the song of the skylarks invisible in the blue sky furthered the feelings of well being.

There clearly wasn’t a lot to see up the hill as bodies soon started floating towards us in search of tea and coffee.

“good?” I enquired of Rob who I’d now sussed as being less enthusiastic than his wife about piles of stone.

“quite tidy but not much to see.”

“uh huh, trinkt?”

“coffee please oh and I’d best have a tea for Stevie.”

“coming up” I grinned.

Maddy Bell © 210213

"We still okay for the last stop?" Jonathon enquired as I tidied up the galley a bit.

"Ja, I think so, it’s a pleasant evening and not far I think."

"What’re we doing about food tonight?"

"For dinner?" I pretended to play dumb, as Chris I’d already discussed this with him."

"Yeah I sort of left it up to Chris."

"Of course, we will go into Lüneburg; there are many restaurants to choose from, oriental, some brauhaus and other cuisine also."

"Sounds good, I’d best gather the troops then."

"Everything okay?" Den asked when I returned to the front of the bus.

"Uh huh, one more pile of rocks then back to change for dinner, I can drive into the town if you like."

"I wouldn't mind a beer or two."

"Well I won't be drinking much anyhow."

"It’s a deal!" he grinned.

Most of the group were by now back aboard and Jonathon soon ushered the laggards on board allowing us to get on our way.

It truly wasn't very far to our last scheduled halt, only a little over ten minutes’ drive and thankfully on a more Tiddler friendly road.

"You sure this is it? I can't see anything." Den mentioned.

"It’s a few minutes’ walk down that track according to the notes."

"I’ll put the bus on the side then."

"Psst, this it Nena?" Jonathon queried.

"According to Chris' notes." I confirmed.

"Bit of a wild card this one, not sure how much there is to see, you guys coming for a walk?"

"Yeah why not." Den agreed, looks like I’m going whether I want to or not.

Five minutes later we were taking a fairly relaxed stroll along a farm track between freshly ploughed and harrowed fields; away across the rolling countryside other fields were still being worked on, the whine of the tractors reaching us on the light evening breeze. The conversation around us varied from discussions on real ale to how military guardianship affected archaeology. Den was happily chatting to Graham up ahead; by the snatches I caught they were talking about airfields of all things.

"Penny for them."

"Eh!" I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"It’s an English saying," Jonathon explained, "a penny for your thoughts, you looked miles away."

"Oh yes of course, I was just enjoying the countryside."

"It is quite pleasant out here, bit like home really."

"Uh huh." I idly agreed without thinking, it is quite like north Nottinghamshire hereabouts.

"Where do you come from then?" Jonathon pressed.

Born and bred in Mansfield, "I come from," my girlfriend’s imagination, "a small willage in the south."

"You’re English is damned good."

At least I have a cover story, "I did a tourism course in Nottingham which is how I met Chris and got to work with Global."

"So you like this kind of work?"

"Ja, I get to travel and meet people und get paid to do it."

He chuckled, "never thought of it like that before. Look tonight, can I buy you dinner?"

Shit, he's making a move on me, how do I get out of this?

"I should eat with Dennis."

"Yes of course, I mean I’ll pay for dinner for you both, you guys have really pulled out all the stops for this trip."

He wasn't very good at hiding his disappointment at my deflection but it looks like he'll be eating with us.

"Um sure, danke."

"This it?" Stevie yelled back towards us.

'It', when we arrived a minute later, was a small clearing resembling a corral for miniature horses with, at first glance, a few random stones littered across.

"Not much to look at." Graham noted.

"There is more but we'll come to that shortly but for now, welcome to Bonstorf." Jonathon started.

Over the next twenty minutes, whilst hardly resembling either of this morning’s stops, the more ignorant of us (me and Den that is) learnt a surprising amount including how to spot a burial mound hidden in scrubby woodland. I was starting to see the attraction of this 'archaeology safari' as Jonathon called it.

The walk back up to Tiddler was less animated, it’s been a long day and clearly there were some tired bodies making the journey.

"I think Jonathon's a bit soft on you." Stevie's voice cut into my thoughts.

"Eh? Soft?" I hammed.

"You know has a thing, fancies you."

I really can't like this woman although I've come to the same conclusion.

"He’s very pleasant?"

"Single."

"I er have a relationship already."

"Oo, it’s not Den?" she probed.

"Of course not Dennis." I almost snapped back.

"If you say so," she didn't sound convinced, "so where are we eating tonight?"

"We’re going into Lüneburg." Jonathon supplied having dropped back to where we were now lagging.

"Brill, I can wear my posh frock." Stevie enthused.

"Heels and tiaras." Jonathon joked.

"Rob!" and she was gone.

"Is she always so erm intense?"

"She can be a bit full on sometimes but give her a spit to dig and she'll happily sit in a hole all day scraping away."

"Spit?"

"It’s what we call a level when we're digging, like you see on Time Team®."

"Time Team?"

"You know, archaeology on the telly, Tony Robinson and co."

"Sorry you've lost me."

Well of course Chris knows about it but why should Nena here in Germany? Of course my feigned ignorance meant I received an, if not exhaustive at least thorough description of not just the programmes format but his, and the groups brush with fame a couple of years previously. The original thread of our conversation, Stevie, was forgotten long before we got back to the road.

"Come on you two." Barbara, one of the 'old ladies', encouraged, "we'll miss dinner."

"Just telling Nena about the castle." Jonathon supplied.

"Well I hope you didn't bore the poor girl too much."

"It was interesting." I allowed, well it was up to a point.

"Well just tell him to shut up if he's boring you."

"Babs!"

She was certainly not averse to straight talking at the same time I got the impression from the rest of the group's smirks that this interaction was a fairly regular occurrence.

"We should move on?" I suggested.

"Good idea," Jonathon agreed, "come on Barb, I’m starving."

We clambered up into Tiddler; Den had the door shut before I was sat.

"Home Parker." I sighed strapping myself in.

"Yes milady."

"Fwoff," I blew into the mic, "if I can have your attention please?"

The chatter from our passengers died down somewhat.

"Just to let you know the arrangements for this evening, we'll be back at Am Bahnhof in a few minutes but tonight as some of you know, we are going into Lüneburg to eat. So can I please ask for you to be back at the bus for nineteen hundred, er seven o'clock that is. We have no group booking; Chris suggested that smaller groups will be easier to find accommodations to eat. Anyone have any questions?"

"Is there much walking?" Stevie enquired.

"Some I think but not so much, we will park the bus as close to the centre as we are allowed

Maddy Bell © 160313

"See you guys later then." Stevie pronounced.

"Later guys." Jonathon agreed.

Distractedly I watched as the pair of them headed into the Brauhaus, he looking like a slightly toned down Hells Angel and she, well the heels and short dress clashed somewhat with her Gothic makeup and jewellery. Clearly her choice of footwear was the reason for the earlier question, personally I think I would have struggled to stand up let alone walk in them! I did wonder what the locals would make of them.

"Nena, what do you reckon?" Den enquired.

I studied the menu a moment longer, "it looks okay, typical food and some regional dishes also."

"That sounds exciting." Barbara enthused.

"They have room?" Graham asked.

"Think so." Jonathon told us after peering through the window.

"Times a wastin'" Den noted.

With only seven bums to find seats for our chosen eatery had no problem accommodating us, in fact we ended up in the window around a large oval table. I managed to manoeuvre things so I was at the opposite end of the table to my wannabe Lothario.

"Beer everyone?" Jonathon suggested when the waitress arrived.

Much as I could have killed a large beer, I’m driving tonight, "Sprite for me bitte."

Everyone else took a large beer, well Den took a wheat beer rather than the pils but you get the idea.

"So what's 'Rindflesh mit brat cartoffan und spargel'?" Barbara asked, I think she'd mastered bier and kaffee but any more German she clearly hadn't a clue with.

"Erm."

"Third down, second page." Jonathon supplied.

"I think you would say gammon with fried potatoes and asparagoos?" I hammed the translation a little.

"Aspargoose?" Barbara queried. Den was having trouble keeping a straight face.

"The white wegetable with a pointed end?"

"Asparagus!" graham identified correctly.

it would of course be easy enough to have some fun at the non-german speakers expense but these guys don't deserve it and whilst one round of hunt the vegetable has some fun element taking it further is just mean. The other menu queries were quickly sorted out, the food ordered and the discussion turned from filling stomachs to other subjects.

the food was pretty good, my beef with boiled potatoes and 'seasonal vegetables', asparagus and carrots, certainly hit the spot and made a change to the more obvious fare of wurst, schnitzel and frikadel. There were no complaints from my fellow diners either - altogether a most enjoyable meal.

"Anyone fancy the brauhaus?" Jonathon enquired.

"I’m okay here." Barb advised.

"Works for me." Graham agreed.

"What about you Den?"

"Why not, I don't get much chance for a brew, might as well make the most of it. Nen?"

"I think I’ll take a rain check."

Jonathon was clearly disappointed by my position, "you sure Nena?"

"Ja, I cannot drink so I would be, how is it, a party pooper."

In the end our other two diners joined them for a visit to the brauhaus, Barb, Graham and I stayed put with a pot of coffee before taking a slow stroll back to Tiddler collecting the Chinese contingent en route.

"How’re we handling the change back to Chris?" I asked Den after we returned to our room.

"Hadn’t given it much thought."

"You’re some help."

"We’ll sort it in the morning." he mumbled.

'It is morning.' I complained to myself.

"Nite Nen." he sleepily added.

"Nite." I sighed.

Sunday arrived bright and cold, Tiddler had a coating of frost when I first took a peek outside. We’re starting the journey home today, not before looking at a final couple of sites of course. Somehow Chris has to reappear too at some point before we board our return ferry this evening.

"Shake a leg kid, tight schedule today." Den mentioned returning from the bathroom.

"What’re we doing about Chris?"

"In what way?"

"You know damned well Dennis."

"Keep your panties on; I was just winding you up."

"Not appreciated thank you."

"I reckon we've got two chances, lunch or the ferry. Lunch might be a bit iffy as we don't know where that’s gonna be."

"I’ve got some ideas." I pointed out.

"Yeah but it’s a bit up in the air and the swap might be less er believable."

"How so?"

"Think about it, we stop at some random restaurant middle of back of beyond, Nena says her goodbyes and disappears and Chris appears a few minutes later. You might manage to pull that on a regular tour but this lot, especially Stevie, would be sure to smell a rat."

"I suppose." I had to agree, it would look a bit suspect.

"if we do it at the ferry Nena says bye as they get off the bus to board, you slip back on, do a quick change while we load, next time we see our charges I’ve 'found' you in our cabin, Bob's you're mothers brother."

"Should work, why didn't you say anything last night?"

"I only thought of it while I was shaving just now."

Okay so it’s all a bit seat of your pants.

the only laggards for breakfast were Stevie and Rob, I’m pretty sure that their session in the brauhaus was largely to blame, I still don't know how she managed to walk in those stilts last night. Still, they were packed and ready so we were only a couple of minutes late leaving Am Bahnhof to start a long days travel.

"Turn the heat up a bit Den." I hissed to my colleague.

"If you'd put a bit more on you wouldn't be cold." he grumbled.

It was a valid point but it was all part of the plan for later and the forecast looks pretty good again anyhow so wearing a skirt isn't so daft.

It took us about three quarters of an hour to reach our first stop at Barskamp, a double site requiring a short walk.

"It’s not a long walk but we're on a bit of a mission this morning." Jonathon advised the troops as they de-bussed.

"I’ll wait on the bus then." Graham told us.

"Okay Gra, we'll be about forty minutes, everyone ready?"

We set off into the woods at a steady trot, well not literally but a reasonable lick of speed, there was very little conversation, maybe the early start or last night’s excesses helping to maintain the silence.

"You okay Nena?" Jonathon enquired.

"Fine thank you."

"Wish I could say the same, my head is a bit sore after last night."

"Ah the drinking, I was wise not to join you eh?" I kind of smirked.

"It’s the German beer, you don't realise how strong it is."

"Your English beer is quite thin I think." I observed.

"Thin? Oh I see what you mean; yes I guess you could say that about the big brewery stuff, looks like Stevie's found the first stop."

Barskamp One, as this particular pile of stones is known as turned out to be another variation of a 'hunenbett' or giants bed. Although in poor condition and very overgrown even I could see the shape and form, it’s difficult to square this jumble of stone with some poor sod kicking the bucket over 5000 years ago. there not being a deal to say or see we were soon moving on towards the second site through the mixed woodland that forms the nature reserve the sites inhabit.

"Enjoying yourself Barbara?" I enquired falling in beside her for the walk to the other site.

"Oh yes, it’s quite exciting really don't you think?"

Not sure I would have called it exciting.

"It’s my first time to visit such places, it is quite intriguing, you go often to these places in England?"

"Oh yes, all the time. Our little group do some digging, we go and visit other sites of course but this is the first time we've been abroad on one of these trips, we usually go to Wales or Scotland."

"There are places like this?"

"There are a few big sites like Stonehenge but a lot has been lost."

"I think this is also true in Germany." I’ve certainly not come across any in my travels. "It is always this before Christos you look for?"

"oh no, we cover all periods, one little sect are into World War Two stuff, Janice hates the Romans but I think we all like a good bit of medieval." she chortled.

"Ah mittel alter, Ritter und Burg." oops I forgot she doesn't do German. "Sorry, that time is famous for castles and how do you say, ker-nights in the steel?"

"Oh yes knights in armour."

"Come on ladies, nearly there." Jonathon encouraged from up ahead.

Barb waved back which seemed to satisfy him.

The conversation never really got going again as we were distracted by some sort of bird making a racket in the tree tops. I know less about birds than I do old stones so I was no help in identifying it, I can manage a cuckoo but that’s about it.

"Everyone here? Great, well I’m sure you recognize Barskamp two as another langebett with a large chamber inserted at the northern end. We saw something similar at Sebensteinhauser yesterday but this one now at least sits alone.

I'm sure most of you spotted the mound as we approached this, clearly man made but never excavated so I can't tell you much but it’s thought to pre date the long barrow burials."

"We could come and excavate for them." Stevie suggested, I don't think entirely in jest.

"Bit of a way back to the Millstone when we're done for the day." one of the others mentioned.

"Fifteen minutes then we need to be off." Jonathon told the group.

They were like locusts as they spread out to explore and record their visit. whilst I don't share quite their enthusiasm for these things I couldn't help but grin at some of their antics, the good natured banter and patience as they waited their turn for that 'just so' photograph.

"Has anyone else got a decent shot of the mound?" Rob enquired.

"Not been over yet," Jonathon observed, "why, I thought your camera was invincible!"

"Well it won't take a picture of that, anything else is fine but every time I try it turns out of focus." Rob explained.

I joined the newly formed assault party heading for the now pretty obvious five metre high mound.

"Well I’ll be blowed." Jonathon observed checking his camera out.

"Told you." Rob mentioned.

"Mine won't focus on it at all," Barbara complained, "you try Nena."

She passed the camera over and after working out how it worked I gave it my best David Bailey - and completely failed to get a picture!

"Well spooky!" Stevie stated.

"I had something similar at Nine Ladies last year." Jonathon observed.

"Sprites." Barb suggested.

"Could be." he agreed.

What? These guys believe in ghosties and ghouls?

"Sprites?"

"As good an explanation as any," Jonathon grinned, "who knows if they exist or not but I’m not gonna deny the possibility they do."

Is this guy for real? None of the others contradicted him and there’s me thinking they were quite a sane bunch. Still there was no denying that no one could get an in focus shot of the mound, me included.

Den had moved the bus closer to the second site so our walk out and back to our transport only took five minutes. We were all soon back on board; Den had Tiddler moving even as the more tardy walkers found their seats.

"Okay?"

"Interesting." I allowed, "You know where we're going next?"

"Think so, Haaßel right?"

"Sounds right."

"It’s only about ten K and I think I’ve found a lunch stop too."

"You have been a busy bee."

"I have my moments."

His guesstimate was pretty much spot on, the biggest problem was parking Tiddler without blocking the lane up too much. Although the stuff we were here to see was within a strip of woodland, the surrounding fields were busy with farm machinery ploughing and doing other planting type stuff. The sky was stupidly blue above us, the autumnal sun warming things to comfortable, certainly a good few degrees warmer than when we set out this morning.

"Last stop ladies and gents." Jonathon told the party. "The Königsgraber or Kings graves date from around 3000BC and are the last remains of a larger cemetery site. even as recently as the mid 1800's there were up to two hundred and fifty barrows in this area, today less than half that number can be identified. The rest have been ploughed out and otherwise destroyed by farming practice as the farmers try to optimise the land - even this enclave has to carefully monitored to prevent further plough erosion particularly towards the southern end.

I’m told that in a low light you can spot the last vestiges of several barrows in the surrounding fields, most however are now lost completely."

"Bloody vandals!" Graham almost spat.

"Aren’t they scheduled?" Stevie asked.

"there's not a German equivalent on a national scale," Jonathon explained, "each of the states is responsible for the heritage but most sites are in private hands and responsibility is often handed down to local government so both protection and presentation can vary hugely."

"No Ministry of Works then." Barbara put in.

Maybe I should bone up on some of this; Jonathon certainly seems to know his stuff.

"So anyway what we have here are three long barrows, a pair of circular mounds and the Schalenstein, a standing stone which may have some alignment with the southernmost barrow. Well rather than stand here lets go explore, we need to leave, what time Nena?"

I checked my watch, "eleven fifteen?" to be honest that was more optimistic than necessary, if we can gain a bit of time now it won't be such a dash to Rotterdam later.

"Okay so that’s what," Jonathon in turn checked his own timepiece, "thirty minutes folks."

Den joined me for a stroll through the woods; he'll have a long time in the saddle today without much chance for a break before we get the boat.

"This is nearly halfway pleasant, why can't our usual tours do stuff like this instead of endless tourist traps?" Den opined.

"Let me think, coffee shops, erm coffee shops and of course coffee shops."

"You’re probably right."

"I know I am, can you imagine our usual lot, 'it’s very nice but where's the tea shop and toilets'."

There really wasn't a lot to see but the archaeologists made the best of it, treating it to the full photographic treatment that all of the weekends stops have attracted from reconstructed stone boxes to the huge chambers on the Heide.

"You guys have a plan for lunch?" Jonathon enquired as everyone started congregating by the bus.

"Dennis I think has found a place, if it is open of course."

"It’s a restaurant cum bakery about thirty minutes away." Den supplied.

"Sounds ideal, what time do we need to be at the boat?"

"Absolute latest is seven thirty, with a following wind we'll be there for six when they start loading."

"Chris will meet you on the ship, you are stuck with me until then I’m afraid."

"You’ve spoken to Chris?"

"For sure, this morning, its easiest for him to get to the ferry himself otherwise we have a long detour. I have a hotel in the city tonight then I take the train tomorrow to my next work."

"Thanks for coming Nena, I know it was a bit of a bind."

"I’ve enjoyed it and working with Dennis again, it is fine."

"Well it’s much appreciated anyhow."

"We should shake a leg." Den suggested.

"Indeed, come on peeps, times a wastin' lunch is waiting!"

Maddy Bell © 250313

Den's thirty minutes was a bit closer to forty taking us almost to where our last archaeological stop yesterday was, a few kilometres south of Munster. I was quite sceptical when we pulled into the parking area of 'Zum Oertzwinkel' camping!

"You sure about this Den?"

"Yup, I saw it last night, the name made me chuckle, so whilst you lot were gallivanting around the woods this morning I made a couple of calls and voyla, they're expecting us."

"Okay."

I picked up the mic to address the now expectant passengers.

"Okay, I know it is still fairly early but this will be our lunch stop, there will be comfort breaks later but I suggest you eat now as it’s a long time until your meal on the fahre. We have one hour but if we are ready sooner it would be nice to gain a few minutes,"

This lot didn't need telling twice, I grabbed my bag and headed inside to organise things but I’d already been beaten!

"Nena, the frau here is asking something but I’ve no idea what." Mick pronounced.

"You are the coach that telephoned earlier?" the 'frau' enquired in German.

"Yes, thank you for fitting us in at such short notice, we have a ferry to catch this evening and it’s all a bit of a rush today. Oh I’m Nena by the way"

"Margrit, that’s no problem, I’ve put you a table on the far side. Its quicker if I do you all the same meal stuff from the menu will take longer."

"What’s the standard meal?"

"Soup to start, its asparagus today, the main plate is beef, boiled potatoes and sauerkraut then coffee for eleven euro."

"Okay Margrit, leave it with me."

"Will they want drinks?"

"I think so."

"I’ll be over in a few minutes then."

"What’s the score then?" Mick enquired as Margrit left us.

"First I think we should get seated, a table is reserved over the other side, Margrit will come for drinks in a moment."

By now the full crowd were inside with Den acting as sweeper so it was like a tide of eager bodies that headed to 'our' table. Once they were mostly seated I made the pitch on the food.

"So our hosts have offered us a special deal, two courses and coffee for eleven euro, no choice of menu I’m afraid, spargel soup with beef and potatoes for the main course. Otherwise you can order from the full menu."

Margrit arrived to take the drinks order which delayed the inevitable round of questions. 'I don't want soup', 'can I get chips?', 'is there a veggie option?’ I went to find our host; yes they'd do frites, main course only, no problem, what is vegetarian? I explained and they came up with a vegetable omelette which almost tempted me.

By the time everyone had drinks, we'd sorted out who wanted what and to save time I gave everyone’s order to Margrit directly.

"How long do you think?"

"Soup in about five minutes, perhaps twenty for dinner."

"Great thanks."

With a following wind we could make a few minutes on our expected departure time. Den and I had our own table off to one side to where I finally got to sit.

"I got you Sprite" Den motioned to the tall glass sat by my place.

"Thanks, soup should be straight out, about twenty for the beef."

"That’s good, it’s going to be a bit eyeballs this afternoon."

"Yeah, this place looks like a good find." I allowed.

"Why thank you ma'am!"

The spargel suppe arrived in short order, generous servings with fresh bread, mmm one of my favourites although it can be a bit thin sometimes. This however was quite thick and creamy and by the silence on the big table I wasn't the only one enjoying it. One thing I have learnt in my various appearances as my alter ego is that a 'girl' enjoying her food isn't thought of as strange, as long as you don't over indulge why not?

By the time the laggards were finished, Margrit's crew were ready with the mains, a good serving of the main ingredients, boiled beef with a hollandaise sauce and a significant pile of sauerkraut. Whilst I’m not a great fan of the latter I prefer it to the almost compulsory broccoli dished up at home. Den made short work of his loaded plate too, we won't get much more than a coffee or two now until about nine tonight on the boat, oh for regular hours.

In an effort to speed our departure I gathered everyone money while they washed the food down with their coffees. It was surprisingly straight forward, there weren't any real grumbles - well Stevie didn't like the sauce but I think the complaint was almost a reflex rather than a genuine gripe. By the time I’d settled up Jonathon had his troops on the move which left me with a chance to use a real toilet before we head off.

I wasn't the only one which meant our early depart was merely not later than hoped. Den soon had us passing Munster on our way to the autobahn and our onward journey firstly down the E45 towards Hannover before picking up theE30 towards Enschede and the Dutch border. It doesn't sound far does it 400 kilometres but we are restricted speed wise to 100kph but of course you can't travel at that speed all the time, chuck in a couple of driver breaks and four hours easily extends to five then six.

We actually made good time with fairly light traffic past Minden, Den pulled in for twenty minutes at Bullenheide services just east of Melle.

"Twenty minutes please." I offered before opening the door.

"You heard her people; we don't want to miss that ferry." Jonathon added.

Indeed we don't, there is a plan B, I wouldn't be doing my job if there wasn't but my employers would be well out of pocket, not only that our plans for me to return to Chris will be up the swannee too!

"You want a drink?" I enquired of Den when everyone had departed.

"I could murder a tea."

"I’m having no part in any beveragacide."

"You what?"

"beveragacide, kill a tea?" I explained.

"Sometimes I think you are on a different planet, as if the whole Nena thing isn't enough you have to inflict humour on me too! Get on and put the kettle on woman!"

"You wound me Dennis, besides which I’ve tried the kettle before and it’s just so last season!"

He rolled his eyes in defeat, "tea?"

our charges clearly took Jonathon’s warning to heart so that they were all back with time to spare, not that it did us much good as Den had to take the full twenty minutes by law, but still we set off anew a bit after three, direction Osnabruck. Once we were under way I did a drinks round for the passengers, there is after all still a good way to go.

We held the Thirty westward; another hour had us at Rheine which despite its name is actually on the Ems. Another thirty minutes saw us cross the Dutch border north of Enschede before taking another toilet stop at Het Veelveld services near Hengelo. From here, about another two hundred kilometres faced us but the plan was to drive straight through to get us to the boat around six thirty - fingers crossed.

Its Holland, the sun was sinking fast and our charges had largely decided to catch forty winks.

"We okay for time?" Jonathon enquired as we went through Apeldoorn cross.

"We have time for sure eh Dennis?"

"Don’t worry Jonathon; we'll be there in plenty of time."

The bus phone chose that moment to ring, sugar that'll be Bill and with Jonathon hovering at my elbow.

"Hallo, its Nena here."

"Nena? For heaven’s sake Chris what are you up to?"

"The er principal is here, Chris will see you in the morning."

"I’m sure he will. Where are you, you gonna be on that ferry?"

"We are pretty sure we'll be there Bill, we're on the E30 west of Apeldoorn."

"Okay, call me when you get to Rotterdam."

"For sure Bill, tschuss."

"Tschuss - feck you've got me at it now."

"Bye Bill!" Den called over as I closed the call.

"The boss?" Jonathon enquired.

"Ja, he has to confirm with the ferry that we'll be there."

"Ah. Erm is there any chance of a coffee?"

"Sure, can you put the water boiler on Dennis bitte."

"Mines a tea." he grinned flicking the boiler control on.

we had a bit of a hold up at Utrecht, a car had rolled over so the traffic was restricted to two lanes to get past, you can't exactly make the time up but we then had a clear run through to Rotterdam. Bill got his call to confirm our berth before we finally turned off the E30 to cross under the river the Dutch call the Lek, the rest of us call the Rhein. Of course you don't see the river as you cross by tunnel, in fact the first time you see water is at the Europort.

I opened up the microphone, "So, soon we will be at the ferry port where I will leave you. It’s been an interesting few days (no kidding!) and a pleasure to meet you all (even Stevie I guess). The weather looks to be calm so I think you will have a nice cruise tonight. Remember when you get off the bus at the port you will need to take your passports, I’ll sort out your boarding cards before saying goodbye.

It was bang on quarter to seven when we pulled up at the terminal, not bad all things considered. I stood down to help them off Tiddler, Den had quickly escaped to book us on so that by the time our group had made their way into the building he was just waiting for the passenger boarding tickets with their cabin allocations.

"Goodbye then Nena, it’s been a wonderful trip." Barb told me with a quick hug before setting off to board.

"It was nice meeting you." Stevie opined.

Pretty much everyone exchanged farewells with 'Nena' last up was Jonathon.

"I’ll go get your bag out Nena." Den stated making his escape.

"Er thanks Dennis. I’ll be right there."

"Well I guess this is goodbye then." my would be beau started.

"For sure, it’s been an interesting trip."

"It’s been bloody brilliant in no small part due to you, thank you for doing your stuff. look it’s a bit embarrassing this stuff, we, that’s everyone on the bus, had a whip round, it’s not much but we'd like you to take it as a sign of our appreciation." he pushed an envelope into my hand.

"You don't need to, Global are paying me."

"We want you to have it Nena, no disrespect to Chris but the trip picked up as soon as you arrived so please take it in the way it’s given."

"Okay, thank you, thank everyone for me will you?"

"will do, well I’d best let you go, ferries and taxis wait for no man er woman." he grinned before moving so quickly to pull me into a hug I had no chance to evade him, "thanks Nena."

Releasing me he hefted his bag and set off to catch up to the others leaving me stood bemused.

"What took you? We haven't got all night you know." Den pointed out as I reached the bus

"Lover boy was giving me this." I waved the envelope at him.

I climbed on and headed back up the bus to where Den had put my, that is me Chris' bag, time for me to do a quick change! I had the wig off before Den had us moving, skirt off, trousers on, top off, pop out breast forms, remove bra, shirt on, that’s most of it done. By the time we arrived at the boarding gate I had the bit of make-up off my face, and it was Chris who rode up the ramp onto the 'Pride of Hull' a few minutes later.

"Look who I’ve found." Den told Jonathon a few minutes later.

"Jonathon!" I greeted the cause of my latest Nena experience, "how was the trip, you get on okay with Nena?"

"Brilliant, thanks for organising it for us and for convincing Nena to join us, she pretty much made the trip."

I didn't do that much did I?

"Great, we're booked in for the seven thirty sitting for dinner so if you can round up everyone, we'll meet in the bar about twenty past, we can all go in together."

"Sure, I’d best head Stevie off from going full Goth!"

"So how'd you get changed so quick?" Den asked when I returned to our table with some sherbets.

"You don't want to know."

"Go on try me."

I took a pull on my beer, "let’s just say I’ll be glad to get out of these knickers later."

"I think I see where you're coming from." Den chuckled. "So what was in the envelope?"

"Two hundred euros and a card signed by everyone, I feel a bit of a fraud taking it."

"I bet you spent that much on Nena."

"Heading that way." I allowed.

"Well look at it as them paying to have Nena's company for the trip."

"What about your cut?"

Nena might have only been around for a few days but it felt weird with a capital W to be interacting with our charges in Chris mode once again. They definitely interacted with me differently which was a bit disconcerting.

If you've ever crossed the North Sea to or from Hull you'll know that you are docked before breakfast, by the time passenger traffic is ready for landing the commercial stuff is long gone. Our group gathered after a hearty breakfast and collecting everything from the cabins.

"We’ll be waiting for you outside the terminal, we'll try to get as close as we can, there's enough walking getting out as it is."

"Cheers Chris." Jonathon mentioned, "Come on folks, let’s get going."

There was a sense of loss, the interaction the group had with Nena was completely missing, is she really that different from me?

"What’s your problem?" Den asked.

"Nothing really," I plonked myself in my seat, "is Nena that much different from me?"

"Not that one again," we got the nod to move off, "people just react to a pretty girl differently to a bloke; I told you I didn't think having her around this week was a good idea."

"Yeah well."

We drove down the ramp onto terra firma, with no passengers we quickly passed through immigration and customs arriving outside the terminal a couple of minutes before the first of our party emerged from the building. The rest followed in short order and by eight thirty we were heading out of the docks. We got caught up in the Hull rush hour traffic but were soon heading inland along the Humber, it might only be another hour to our destination but I did a drinks round anyway. The end for our passengers but we still have to get back to Global's depot and sort out the paperwork; we might get done by lunchtime if we're lucky.

"Thanks for organising things Chris." Jonathon shook my hand when we'd unloaded, "and you Den." he added repeating the procedure.

"Well I hope it was what you were expecting."

"Better, they're already talking about the next trip."

"We try to please."

"Thank Nena again for us when you see her, I’ll be in contact."

"I look forward to it."

A final round of goodbyes and it was time to face the music with Bill in the office.

Maddy Bell © 31.03.13