Jessie's ride

Chapter 1

Jessie

My old black mustang was driving down a long lonely road again. Taking me away from everything I ever knew. That is how it always seemed. Being a military brat I had seen a lot of new places. You think I would be used to it by now? I was moving on again. This time was a little different. My parents decided after their divorce that they wanted to start separate lives in different states. Both were tired of dealing with the rebel in me so it was decided that I should go live with my mother’s brother. Lucky me. Here I just turned 16 and no place to call home. My mother thought living with her brother would do me some good. Why she thought that I did not know. So off to a small town in California I go. So here I was driving to a place I had never been to live with someone I had never met. Life is a pain sometimes.

It was not like I had much in the way of a life to leave behind. We moved around a lot. I did not keep much in the way of possessions. At each new school no one had wanted to get to know the tiny long haired dirty blonde boy. At 5’ 1” and thin as a rail I did not rank high in any noticeable way. Puberty did little for my look. What’s a guy to do? It was hard for many to tell my age from my look. Most said I looked twelve. A twelve year old girl that is. Because of this no one took me seriously. To compensate I rebelled at everything. That meant I got in a lot of fights. Well I should say I lost a lot of fights. One of these days I think I should learn to fight. That way maybe I would not loose so often.

The move was easy if annoying. I never did have much in the way of stuff. My bags did not even fill half the trunk. Being a rebel had its perks. Uncle Frank’s house was a pretty large four-bedroom place. I could tell He did not decorate it much. When I asked he just shrugged and said he spent most of his time at his store. I guess it did not mater much. As long as I had a place to park my mustang I was good. Rebel to the end! This was a good place as any I guess.

My uncle’s store was on the edge of town. It was a western outfitter that he called the Trails End. Uncle Frank had some horses and gave riding lessons for urban cowboys. Watching him doing that for the first few days gave me an idea. To fit in here I would learn how to ride and take care of the horses. I chose to ride the biggest and fastest horse around. Compensating for my size again. It took me a month and a lot of tries to get it right. Big Nasty as I called him really did not like me riding him. I think it hurt his pride. Every time I even got close to him he would try to step on me. If I was in front he would try to bite me. This just made me want to ride him all the more. I would dance out of the way and whack him across the nose or hind end. It became a game between us. I really had to jump to get up on him. The first few times I got on his back He was furious and tried to buck me off. He never could. I would cling to him and laugh. When he would tire himself out I would slip down and walk away for a wile. This is how it went for a week or so. I was stubborn as big nasty. I was the first one to ever get up on him. The fact I always did this bareback just made it more fun for me. When he finally let me ride him it was glorious. We became good friends after that.

Through all this my uncle did not even try to stop me just watched. I guess I liked my uncle because he never talked down to me even though most thought that a kid as small as me should only ride ponies. When I asked him to teach me any tricks he just smiled and did. He even had a saddle made for me. Across the back of the saddle was the words “Little Rebel”. When he showed it to me I grinned and thanked him. I asked him where he got it? He said that a girl who did leather work for him now and then made it. Her name was Josie.

The next day he introduced me to Josie. She was a cute redhead with a soft southern voice and easy manner. It was love at first sight. I had never met someone like her before. It took me off guard how much I was attracted to her. This was my first big crush. I did not even mind that she was 5 inches taller than me (Much). Being short is such a pain. I found her very easy to talk to and we began to hang out. We became best friends real fast. It was fascinating to feel the warm feelings I got just being around her. I loved to hear her southern ascent. It drove me wild. We talked on the phone a lot. I did that just to hear her talk. I was hooked and loving it.

I leaned how to take care of the horses and Josie taught me to work leather like she did. We would hang out at the store when not in school doing leather work or riding. I was becoming a real good rider. I even took over teaching people to ride when my uncle was busy. I was embarrassed sometimes. With my smallness and waist length hair they thought I was a twelve year old girl. I tried to take in good humor but it was frustrating. I was a boy Dang it! We went on like this for months.

Josie and I worked real well together. I was in heaven. We spent all of our time together. When not in school or at the store, she helped me work on my mustang. I was surprised to find out how much she knew about cars. It took a wile but we finally got it fixed up. I painted it black with silver pin striping. She said it looked so cool and named it Black Rose. It sounded cool so I kept the name. A vanity plate with that name made the car complete. When she got her learners permit I taught her to drive. I even let her take her driving test in my mustang. I had never let anyone drive my car before. I don’t know why I let her. I was on pins and needles the whole time. She passed the test. Of course I noticed that the skirt she wore to the test was very short and the guy who gave the test was looking at her legs wile walking to the car. Well we had a great celebration that day.

We grew so very close. I even let her give me a makeover. I was a mess and she changed all that. She bought me new cloths in a western style that showed off my slender build. I was not sure it suited me but humored her. She even got me to wash and trim my hair. I was surprised that it made my hair look even longer. She wanted to dye my dirty blonde hair strawberry blonde But I would not do it. That would be too much. We argued a bit then she let it go when I got mad.

I was shy most of the time witch made people think I was standoffish. I was good one on one just not in groups. Josie could tell this right off. She did not push me to hang out with other people. I think of myself as an outsider and she seemed to except that easily. I met a few of her friends over the next few months. She did not ask me to hang out with them often. She knew I did not like crowds. I mostly hung out at the store when not with her. She could see I was insecure about myself.

For the summer we both wanted to get away. When we were sitting in the store chatting about ideas for the summer Uncle Frank suggested that we go out to Heartwood, my aunt’s horse ranch in Montana. I could learn to train horses there not just ride them. This sounded real good to us so we agreed. The way he talked about the place it seemed he was the one who wanted to go. He could not leave the store though. Summer was the big money time for this store. We talked about it a lot. The ranch seemed to be a good place to get away. I could also get to know Josie better during this trip. As soon as we got out of school for the summer we left for the ranch.

Jessie's Ride

Chapter 2
The summer

The wind was blowing lightly across the road as we drove up to the house. It was blowing some dust up but that just seemed right in this place. My mustang purred quietly as I stopped and looked over the place. The house was worn but sound looking two-floor ranch style. I glanced around at the barns and out buildings. This place could have come right out of an old western movie. Adapting to living in this place would be an adventure in itself.

A tall woman stood on the porch watching us arrive. I wondered what she was thinking about this small long haired dirty blonde boy and tall short haired redhead girl in a beat-up mustang arriving at her door? I knew from the photos at the store that the woman was Helen, my aunt. I brushed back my hair, took Josie’s hand and walked up to porch to meet this imposing woman. Uncle Frank held her in high regard, which he didn't do for many, so I was a little intimidated. “Good morning, I’m Jessie Silver and this is Josie Trin, are you Helen Thorn?” It was not much of an opening but I guess I had to start somewhere. “I thought you two would be bigger for all the tales my brother tells of you” she said with a smile. Her smile was real warm and made me feel good. Well this was getting off to a good start. We followed her inside with relief. The house was decorated in rough but stylish furnishings that fit perfectly with the whole place. Hard woods and earth colors everywhere. Everything just seemed to fit without looking dull. This was a well thought out home. I knew I was going to be happy this summer.

I met many people in the next few days. Most of these people were good down to earth types that made being there easier. I was still shy but maybe I would try to get over that this summer. Some treated me like a little kid. I rolled my eyes and tried not to get snippy with them. I corrected that as soon as I could. I did not want to have that stick. Of them all my favorites were Julie and Ben. Julie was a fiery black haired spitfire who worked in the kitchen. Ben was a darkly handsome lean man who was a horse trainer. Both were the same age as Josie and me 16. Josie and Julie hit it off right away. Both liked to cook and try new recipes. I fell in with Ben and helped training the horses. We planned to hang out with them for most of the summer. I was not sure if anyone knew that Josie and I were a couple but nobody seemed to judge us they just accepted us without a word. This was a good place. The first week flew by in a wink.

Josie surprised me when in the 2nd week she told me that Julie and her were going to a hunting cabin in the mountains 40 miles away. They would be gone for a few weeks. They wanted to see if they had what it takes to work as cooks. I had taken on my first project training a horse named Gypsy so could not go with them. I wanted to stay with Josie but was really getting into learning to train horses. I didn’t want to but I let her go without guilt or tears. I was out of sorts for the first few days after Josie headed out. The way she had been holding Julie’s hand when they left disturbed me. Was I feeling threatened? I began to look at the time I had spent with Josie differently. I knew Josie had crushes on girls in the past. She said she was bisexual like me. She liked guys sometimes and girls other times. I did not know if this was the start of one of her girl crushes or not. This scared me. Was I the only one in love? We had never said it out loud so was it love or not? We had not even kissed. We had hugged but not kissed. I tended to be shy about touching. I was not sure about anything anymore. Maybe she was only trying to be my friend. I would have to wait to talk to her to find that out.

I tried to put it out of my mind by learning all I could about training horses. Ben was very helpful and I learned a lot from him. Ben never put me down about my size. I felt OK hanging out with him. Still the questions remained in the back of my mind. I guess I was starting to wonder how people thought of me. I was not even sure they noticed me at all. I was so small and did not stick out much. So I worked and brooded. As always when I brooded I fell back into working alone. This did not seem to bother Ben. I did not think the others noticed. I did not make friends easily being shy. Most people on the ranch thought me moody or bad tempered I think. The truth was I was just shy and scared. Everyone, even the girls, here were bigger than me. I decided to go back to leather working to pass time when I was not training Gypsy. It was the standoffish rebel in me appearing again.

My aunt came to me shortly after Josie left and asked if I would do her a favor. She needed someone to go out to the cabin of the far side of the ranch. She wanted it fixed up and the barn there remodeled. She had wanted Ben to do it but She did not like the thought of him alone there. He needed help so she said I should go with him. This was a surprise to me. I did not like the thought of living alone with a guy I had met not long ago. I guess it would be fine. It was Ben after all. He never really treated me as a kid just a friend. We worked out all the details quickly. This would get my mind off the Josie thing for a bit.

Ben agreed easy but brought up a point I had not thought of. What was I going to do about Gypsy? I was still training her. I was going to be working on the cabin a lot of the time and that did not leave much time for horses. I was trying to think this one out when Ben smiled. He told me he would do most of the hard work so I could focus on Gypsy’s needs. I took him up on that. I wondered how it would work but I did not ask just then. I just waited for him to enlighten me. Soon we prepared to move over to the cabin.

Helen lent me a horse trailer to move Gypsy and Hero Ben’s horse to the new place. It did not take long to drive over. The place would need a lot of cleaning up but showed promise that it would work well. Ben said I should work on the inside and he would do the outside and the barn. This place was almost 30 miles from the other house so it should be ok. The barn was big and had many small rooms. The cabin had four bedrooms so we had plenty of room. I was not going to share a room with him. I would catch hell if Josie came back and seen something like that. In the barn there were ten stalls so I could put our horses at one end and still have plenty of room for a good shop. This I liked. Lots of space nobody to crowd me. Now if Josie were here it would be paradise. There was even a smaller shed for my mustang. It was strange I was not doing much with my mustang wile at the ranch. I guess that I traded one type of horse for another.

It took three days to get the place cleaned and set up. I cleaned and sorted what was there. I found it strangely satisfying to see the place come back into shape. Ben did the patchwork on the roof so we would not be rained on. I had brought a lot of kitchen stuff and food along so we were set there. After tasting Ben’s cooking once I took over all the cooking duties. His talents were many but cooking was not one of them. I had likeds to help my mother in the kitchen till my rebel said it was bad. Gypsy liked having to deal only with Hero instead of fighting for space in the barn all the time. She thrived here and I found teaching her much easer.

After a wile I started to see my life going in a direction I never thought it would. I was living alone with a guy. I found myself acting more like a girl almost a housewife than a rebel. I was so confused. Doing nice things for Ben came easily. I liked taking care of the cabin. The way I dressed changed as well. I was in softer outfits most of the time unless I was going to ride. I swear that I was this close to wearing a skirt. I felt so girlish around Ben it startled me. I had never acted like this with anyone else. Where was the rebel I always showed people? I was changing more and more each day. I was starting to think I might like being the girl most took me for. I believed I was starting to have feelings for Ben. I was so confused. I was sure I loved Josie. I only hoped this did not go any farther. What would Josie think if it did?

Time went by as I worked and worried. I knew Josie was set to come back any day now. I liked the thought of that. Maybe being around her again would clear all this up? At least I hoped it would. This was turning out to be a real stressful summer.

Gypsy was adjusting to the new place well and hardly did more than roll her eyes anymore. Ben and I were settled into a routine and getting a lot done. I had cleaned out the loft and put all my stuff up there because, or so I told myself, it was a bigger space. Ben and I even got out riding every other day. I loved those rides. I would pack a lunch and we would spend time exploring this part of the ranch. Ben told me I was becoming a good trainer. Ben had gone back to the main house on the tenth day there. When he came back he had all his tools. He said he had noticed a shudder in my mustang and he wanted to fix it for me. I had not had any luck getting the car running better so I let him work on it. Soon he had her purring like a jungle cat. I was surprised that I had not even tried to help him. I just let him do it and fixed lunch. What a girly thing to do. I was getting to be a pretty good cook. I found a old cook book and was trying new dishes almost every day now.

Josie and Julie arrived two days later together. I was glad to see them. The fact they were still holding hands irritated me but not very much. Ben did not greet them just watched. I could see he was indifferent almost standoffish to them but did not know why. This was another strange puzzle to think over. I could see that they had all their possessions with them. So I guessed that they intended to stay here with us. I was not sure what to think about that. I found myself thinking they should go back to the main house. I was not sure we had the room for two more people. Maybe I just did not want more people here. I Thought I should ask Aunt Helen what she thought about them moving in when I go to the main house to pick up the food for the week later that day. She might not like this. I was so happy at the thought of having Josie back. Then why did the thought of having her and Julie staying here make me react with something close to panic. What was I afraid of was the question?

I started to leave for the main house in my mustang wile the girls were getting settled in. I was startled when Ben asked to go with me. He never did that before. He even asked if he could drive. I never let anyone but Josie and me drive my mustang before. I was surprised when I slid over without a word. I wondered what was up with me. He almost never asked me to do anything other than train the horses. I was the one who decided I was the one to do the cooking and cleaning. My behavior disturbed me as we road along the dirt road. I was acting like a girl again. I was giving up my power to him and I did not know why.

Almost a month of the summer was up. Josie and me only had a month and a half till we had to head back to my Uncles place for school. What would happen to Gypsy, the cabin and Ben then? Why I was thinking about that now? I was spacing out. My thoughts were jumbled. I found I did not want to go back. Was it that I did not want to leave Ben? Was it Gypsy I did not want to leave? Gypsy was important to me but so were Ben and the life we were building here. What was I going to do? What about my feeling for Josie? Were they still at the top of my list of reasons to do things? This was driving me insane! I acted like a rebel with Josie and girl with Ben. Who was the real me? I had a lot of questions but no answers.

On the drive I watched Ben out of the corner of my eye. He was tall and handsome. I knew I was Bisexual. That was clear but was that why I acted so strange around him? I had met many handsome men and none of them made me feel like this. None made me feel like a girl. Did living alone with him cause these strange thoughts and actions? Ben pulled over at a small pond half way to the main hose. He turned and smiled. I felt a shiver go through me. "We need to talk" he said. I was not sure I wanted to do that. "You and I have a good thing going at the cabin I don’t want change that. You should tell Josie and Julie to go back to the main house. Ben why do you want me to do it? You after all are the lead on this project". He cocked his head. "Jessie I know you have a crush on Josie. I also know you have feelings for me! I have feelings for you! So you need to ask yourself what is it you want? I don’t know what I want Ben. I have loved Josie for a long time now but I don’t know any more how she feels. Yes Ben I do have feelings for you but what they are I don’t know yet. If I send Josie away and she dose love me what dose that mean for after this summer is over? I don’t know." He looked away. "Stay with me Jessie. At the end of the summer don’t leave. This is a good life we are making here. Please think about it." With that he turned the car back on and resumed the drive.

Twenty minuets later we got to the main house. We had not spoken since the pond. I was stunned and confused. What could I say to him? I needed to talk to Aunt Helen. I did not know what to say? I really did not know her well but she was all the family I had here. Dang, I was so confused my head was spinning. I did not even know if I could tell her what Ben said. Maybe I should not say anything about this. Just ask her how she sees me? What do I do if she sees me like that too?

When we went into the house I was somehow relieved that she was not there. The cook told me that my Aunt went to town for the day. I was somehow relieved. I was not going to wait for her. I had a lot of thinking to do. Dealing with this was my job. I should get a grip and stop over thinking this and do something about it! Stand up and make people see me, as I wanted to be seen! Of course at 5’ 1” that was a very hard thing to do. Everyone, even Josie towered over me. Was it because I was so small that I acted the way I did around Ben? Ben was almost 6 feet tall. Was I being submissive because I felt small next to him? No answers at all just questions.

We loaded the week’s food and got ready to head back. He told me that he had some things to do here and he would be back in a few days I should head back without him. I just nodded and left. This would give me time to think without him around to muddy the water so to speak. I had a lot of questions and no way to answer them. I drove slowly back up the dirt road trying to think only about driving. I was just a fool I guess.

When I got back I watched Josie for a wile. It did not take long to tell how much Josie had changed. I could also tell my feelings about her had changed too. Everything she did in the next couple of days just seemed to irritate me. Gypsy had sensed my feelings and would not let Josie near her. She had moved right in and changed the way I stocked the kitchen. I did not like that one bit. This place did not belong to her. Ben and I had lived here for three weeks and I was not going to let her come in and change everything. When I said something Josie just shushed me and walked away. All the wile Julie hovered around Josie with a possessive look that made me wonder what had happened with them. I had found myself missing Ben a lot of the time. I did not get how close we were until he was gone for a wile. I think he made me feel more than others did. Safer I think. I guess falling for him would not be a bad thing.

My Aunt Helen showed up the next day. I greeted her warmly but I think she could tell I was stressed. Jessie I am afraid you are not going to like what I came here to tell you. I looked away it had been a bad day and it was not looking like it would get any better. The cabin has been sold she said. Dang it I was right. Bad day! What do you mean sold? Who bought it? I was pissed. She put her hand on my shoulder before going on. You will have to move in two days. I can’t tell you who bought this land but I do have another cabin you and Ben can move to if you want. It is not as big as this one but should work out good. This was a big pain. Moving again. I looked at her. Will Josie and Julie be moving with Ben and I? She shook her head. They will be moving back to the main house. Well that was good at least? I will start packing if you will tell the girls? She smiled and went to cabin door.

I found the girls in the barn changing the way we kept things. That was it I had it. "Julie, Josie we need to talk!" The look Josie gave me was startled. I had never taken a tone like that with her before. Julie just frowned. I held firm and went on. "Both of you will be moving back to the main house tomorrow. This cabin has been sold. Ben and I will be starting a new project so we will not be moving back right away. That is all! I have things to do. At that point I walked away. I could not believe that I could be so cold to Josie. Josie had changed but she was still Josie. Was I breaking it off like this so I could concentrate on Ben? Did I have those kind of feelings for Ben? I found I was sweating when I got back into the cabin. I leaned back against the door and tried to calm down. My Aunt was sitting at the dinner table with a map in front of her. She looked up and smiled. Her eyes searched my face. I don't know why but this made me lift my chin and steady myself. Ever the rebel. After a moment she waved me over. I made myself stop sweating and joined her at the table. The map was of the ranch. She pointed at a spot at the northeast corner. That is where the other cabin is I guessed. I wondered if this was going to be like when we started here? She took her sweet time filling in the details. It was a small 2-bedroom cabin with a small 4-stall stable. She told me that it had not been used for at lease 25 years so it won't be easy to clean up. Strangely I was looking forward to the challenge.

Jessie's Ride

Chapter 3
The move

I spent the next few hours packing the kitchen and my stuff. Ben arrived late that night. Something was different about him. I could not put my finger on it but it was there. I really did not want him to change now. My life was throwing too many curve-balls lately as it is. I told him about the sale and the move. His reaction was a shrug and to start packing. This made me think something was defiantly wrong! I decided to let him be for now. I could find out what was wrong when we were settled in the new cabin.

The next morning Ben and I packed my mustang with all the rose could take. Ben chuckled when I told him why my car was called the black rose. I watched as Julie and Josie got ready to move back to the main house. Josie only looked back once. She looked sad. It hurt my heart but I kept that all inside. Was I wrong about all this? Did she love me? Was it just my friendship she did not want to loose? I let out a load sigh and tore my mind back to what I was doing. I think too much.

The truck came by for the last of our stuff. Ben and the driver made short work of the boxes as I walked through the cabin. I wanted to make sure nothing was left. The last thing we did was load Gypsy and Hero into the trailer for the ride over. Gypsy was fidgety. I knew how she felt but wouldn't show it. It was hard to leave this place. We might have only been there three weeks but it had been "Home" for us. To work so hard in fixing up a place then have to leave it just like that didn't sit well with me. Ben gave me my space for a bit then coughed. It was time to go.

Ben drove, I was not up to it just then. Strangely ever since I let him drive back to the main house that one time I felt safe letting him drive. Why my rebel side didn't object to giving up that bit of power I don't know. Too many Questions no answers.

It took about an hour to get to the new cabin. It was in OK shape on the outside but when I looked inside I sighed. It looked even worse than I expected. It was going to take a lot of work just to make it livable. Well that was what I was here for. I put all my troubles aside and picked up a broom and set to work. It took me three days to get the cabin in order, we ate cold meals during this time. Ben left me to do my work most of the time. I was too tired to think each night so that kept me sane. It was good to do, not think. I wanted to ask Ben what he was doing when he was away but at the same time did not want to open a can of worms till the work was done. So I waited and cleaned. Under the layer of dust and grime was some very nice stuff. The table and chairs were all hand made wood. Oak, redwood, pine and willow glowed after the grit and grime came off. I was amazed that grime was all on the surface. I found myself cleaning just to see what else I would find. The cabin was small but laid out well. I would say it was a real "Homey" place.

With a little over a month left in the summer I needed to make up my mind about some things. The first was Josie. That one still baffled me. Then there was Ben. Is what I am feeling for him real or not? What about this girlish side that I seem to have? I am a boy and a rebel right? Last was Gypsy what would happen to her if I went back? Did I want to go back? It all came down to two questions: 1, Who was I? 2, Who did I want to be? All else was setting.

The kitchen took me a long time to clean but I pushed till it shined. I got a real surprise when I found the stove was a wood burning type. I decided to ask the cook at the main house how to use it when I went there to get the weeks food the next day. I should have known since all the lights were oil lamps.

That night a horrible wind storm blew in rattling the trees all around the cabin. About 11 pm rain was poring down in sheets. I was sitting in the kitchen drinking some coco when I was startled by a terrible crash in the back of the cabin, it shook the whole cabin. I rushed to the bedrooms in time to see Ben come out of his looking towards mine. I moved to where he was standing and grabbed his arm. I was really scared to see what made that crash. He patted my hand and we moved to my door. Opening the door we were buffeted by strong winds and rain. I could only stare at what was left of the back wall. A hole the size of a mid-size car was where closet used to be. OK, what do I do now? Ben closed the door tight. He turned to me "we can't do anything till this storm blows over". For now all I could do is hope the storm blows it's self out without doing any more damage to the cabin.

Ben and I were too keyed up to sleep so we went to the kitchen for some coco and to talk about what to do when the storm is over.

Jessie's Ride

Chapter 4

After the Storm

(Sorry this chapter is so short )

I made coco for Ben and myself and worried what the storm was doing to my room. When I looked around Ben was sitting at the table and shaking his head. I bet he sees a lot of work ahead of him after this storm. I sat his coco down when something popped into my head. I had no clothes, the closet was gone with it all I had to wear except for the PJ's I had on right then. What was I going to do? Ben and I were at a lose of what to do. Until the storm had blown itself out there was no way to get into that room to assess the damage. That could be days. Staying the way I was was not good, I needed a different source of clothing. Ben's were way too big so they were no good. I searched the cabin till I remembered the two trunks in the store room. The contained clothing, some I hope would fit me.

It took me a wile to dig the trunks out of the store room. The next challenge was getting them open they both were locked. A few moments with a piece of wire and the first popped open. Bingo, Men's clothes. However when I spread them out it was plain they were too big for my small frame. The second trunk was much harder to open. Twenty minuets later it popped open. In the trunk was a profusion of color and cloth. I lifted out the first piece and found it to be a dress. Not only a dress but a gypsy party dress. I stood there holding the dress in wonder. It was sapphire blue with silver threads running throughout it. A truly lovely dress. Somehow I knew it was my size. I wonder what Ben would say if he knew that at that moment I had the impulse to try it on? It is true he has seen my fem side more than once less the clothes. Should I give in to the impulse? I stood there for so long trying to decide that Ben finally spoke. "Well are you going to just stand there or are you going to put it on. Even I can see it is your size." Well for the next two hours I tried on all the clothes in the trunk. It was as if what he said released me from my male self and let my fem side play for the first time ever. In the end I ended up in the party dress again giggling and talking with Ben like this was totally normal.

A little wile later I looked up and it was morning and the storm had blew it self out. It was over, all that was left was the clean up and repairs. This would mean going out side. I dug into the trunk to find a simple outfit to wear for the cleaning. It seemed that I now had a small but lovely wardrobe of woman's clothes. They were mostly long skirts in the gypsy fashion and light tops. No pants at all not even shorts.

Once I was dressed I made my way to my room to assess the damage. I passed Ben coming out of his room. He joked "Done playing and ready to work are you?" I just stuck my tough out at him. I opened the door to my room and found a empty room. I mean by the looks every thing had got sucked out the hole in the wall due to wind. I walked over to the hole and glanced at the shreds of what was once my bed. I did not hold much hope of finding my clothes after seeing that.

The hole was bigger than I seen it last night so most of the wall of the room was gone. Ben chuckled "I got my work cut out for me fixing that." I through in "You might as well extend the room as your at it. The land is already cleared." He chuckled again taking it as a joke as intended. He said "Why don't you get started on breakfast wile I see if there is anything to salvage out there?" Not wanting to deal with the mess out there I turned and headed back to the front of the cabin.

An hour later Ben came in the front door looking sour. "Dang storm has wasted the whole area, nothing useable out there that I can find. Looks like your stuck in skirts for a bit." I let out a sigh and pointed at the table and he sat as I put out the meal. Ben was just going to check on the horses when we heard a car pull up outside. "Bloody heck, just what I need company." I quipped. Ben just grinned and went to see who it was.

I looked out the window and who should be standing there but Josie. Just what I need! I noted there was a suitcase by her foot and the car was pulling away. OH NO! this should be fun...NOT! Dealing with Josie and Ben in the same cabin will be hard. With me in skirts at the same time dang hard. Then there is where we going to put her? With my bedroom demolished and no spare rooms? Oh yeah I will be living on the living room floor for now so as they say no room at the inn.

Ben walked up to Josie and talked a bit then picked up her suitcase and started to the cabin. It was too late to panic so a strange calm of the condemned came over me as I watched the door. There was nothing I could do so I just waited for the laughter to start.

The door opened and in walked Josie the first love of my life and the one I was still not over. The fight between my feelings for Ben and Josie raged in my mind almost daily. When Josie comes through that door and sees me in a skirt I am sure her feelings for me will end in laughter. She stepped in, her head turned, her eyes fell on me and nothing. She did not react just stood there. Ben pushed through talking about the bedroom situation and asking me to make some coffee wile they talked. He took her arm and led her to the living room wile I got my wits and made the drinks.

Two hours later we had made the sleeping arrangements without touching on why I was in a skirt. At that point Ben decided to check on the horses leaving me with Josie. I thought it was time to tell her about the storm and the loss of possessions. Josie asked me to stand up and turn around. I did puzzled. She burst out smiling "Not fair, my boyfriend looks better in a skirt than I do!" That's when I knew it was going to be ok between us. I was so relived that the floodgates opened and I started talking perhaps too much as my girlish feelings and my feelings for Ben came out. I was so confused as it all tumbled out. Josie took it all in without a word. I finally shut up with a look of fear on my face. She stood up saying she needed to think and walked out.

Dang, Dang, Dang and Double Dang! I messed up big time! What was I going to do now?

Jessie's Ride

Chapter 5

Who Am I?

After I calmed down from my momentous mess up with Josie I cleaned up the snack plates and brooded. Cleaning helped but too soon it was done. I decided to get away for a bit. A ride on Gypsy was what I needed to clear my head. Back to the trunk again. I believed there were a riding skirt in there. Soon I found I was right so I put it on. My riding boots were by the door so at least I had them. I try to make time for Gypsy every day but the storm disrupted that. She's probability mad at me. I put my boots on and went off to the stable.

There was no sign of Josie or Ben anywhere. I hate this part. I am so short I have to use a stepladder to saddle Gypsy. I am stronger than I look but still not a easy thing to do! The look she gave me if a horse could be laughing she would be. After the saddle I got her bit and bridle so I could get that done. I put away the stepladder. At least this next part was fun. I backed up and took three steps and jumped. I landed right and scooted onto the saddle. Grabbed the bridle and off we went.

After about a hour of exploring the area I decided to head back. As we picked our way to the cabin the peaceful ride put me in a better mood. That did not last long. I took care of Gypsy then headed to the cabin. I could use a cup of tea I thought. I entered the kitchen and found Josie rearranging everything. Well I lost it at that point. This was My kitchen not hers! I was ticked off and not hiding it at all. What did she think she was doing? I told her to get out of my kitchen this was my place not hers find yourself some other way to help out here! She turned and held out a letter. I grabbed it and opened it. My jaw dropped as I read. I was being recalled to the main house. This was it I was dead. I can't go back there in a skirt! I would never live it down! I looked at Josie she was smiling. She had won without really trying. Ben came in and sat down. He glanced at the letter and said "So you know." That was all. He knew and was not going to fight it at all. I walked away there was no point in arguing. I had lost every way I could.

I packed the trunk, I don't know why I did. I went and got Black Rose out of the shed and loaded the trunk in the back seat. I got the trailer and loaded Gypsy for the ride back. I was running on auto the whole time. I guess my last month here will suck big time. I started the car and pulled out. Ben or Josie did not even come out to say goodbye. I did not even know who I was anymore. Life at that moment sucked.

It was early evening when I pulled up to the main house. I did not know what Aunt Helen would think about the way I was dressed but I had nothing else so here goes. I got out and went up to the door. Should I knock or just go right in? Someone must have heard the car as I got to the door it opened. There stood Aunt Helen. She looked me over from head to foot and burst out laughing. I felt two inches tall. I did not know what to do so I burst out crying. I raced to the trailer and let Gypsy out and slipped up on her back. I whispered in her ear "Take me away!" Gypsy was instantly in a gallop with me laying on her back. I don't know how long we ran like that , I did not care. She finally came to a gentle stop and I slipped off her back and sat down to cry some more.

It was getting light when they found me. Not that Gypsy would let them get near. When my Aunt got there she asked me to let her talk to me. I touched Gypsy's leg and she let Aunt Helen approach slowly. About she was ten feet away I took my hand off Gypsy's leg and my Aunt stopped. She looked me over and said "You've looked better but for staying out here all night you don't look too bad. Why are you dressed that way?" In a cold unemotional voice I told about the storm and it's aftermath. Pain was all I felt but the tale went on to tell of the talk with Josie and how I left there. I looked at her for the first time and asked "Who am I?"

It took her an hour to get me to let her any closer. I was one raw nerve. It was full light when she got me to come back to the house. She took me in and washed me like a child and dressed me in clothes from the trunk. Soft pretty top and skirt that fit me real well. She took me to the kitchen and placed a plate of food in front of me. I ate on autopilot till the plate was empty. I did not talk just did what I was told.

Who was I really? Rebel Boy, Girly Girl or a bit of both? Sixteen and I don't even know who I am? Why do I have to have feelings for both Josie and Ben? I can't even make up my mind there! Well it looks like I lost both of them anyways so I will put that aside for now. All I know that I do have is my Mustang and Gypsy. Gypsy is not even really mine she is owned by my Aunt. I should not even be driving my drivers license was in my nightstand and I did not even find a hint of where that went. Come to think of it all my money and I.D. was in there as well. That means I have no way to prove who I was or the money to replace any of the lost items. I guess I am truly screwed!

My Aunt was talking to me again pulling me out of my thoughts. "Jessie what do you think we should do about your clothes? None of the field hands are small as you so that is no help. Even most of the girls are larger than you so no help there. I guess you are stuck with what's in the trunk till we can get into town. That is something I can't do tell next week. Money is real tight so I don't know what we could do?" I leaned back and stared at the ceiling fan as it went around. "I don't know that's what I have been trying to think. The storm cleaned me out of everything I owned but one pair of PJs and my riding boots. There is not much in the mustang but no clothes there. We can call Uncle Frank and see if he could send what clothes I left there and some cash?" I said. That might work I thought. It was a plan maybe it would work, maybe not?

Aunt Helen took my hand and pulled me to her study. She picked up the phone and punched in the number for the Trails End Uncle Franks store. She put it on speaker. "Hello, Trails End how may I help you?" Said a soft yet strong female voice. It was a real distinctive southern voice. I put 2 and 2 together and got 48 a name popped into my head Lyn, Josie's older sister. Aunt Helen asked for Frank as I was doing my math. The voice said "He is out on a riding lessen can I help you?" I decided to take a chance at that point and cut in "Lyn it is Jessie it is real important he calls me at Helen's ranch as soon as he can." A startled Lyn responded "Jessie, my sisters Jessie? I will put through the message as soon as he is back." I replied "Please do, well this call is costing a ton so we will talk later." I ended the call.

I had a plan all was not lost I hoped. Now all I had to do is survive till Uncle Frank came through. I guess the rebel in me was rising to the challenge. It was strange I still had the girlish feelings and heightened emotions so I guess this time I am a rebel girl.

I felt Aunt Helen's eye on me I could tell she wanted to know what I was thinking but was afraid to ask. I blew out a sigh and told her hoping she could help me make sense of all this. It was the emotions that were kicking my but. Living with Ben I had let go of the brooding anger and found so much it was covering up. All the softer emotions surged up from hiding and now I have to deal with them. Was the anger a mask to hide from the world that I could be hurt so easy? Where did the anger go? I guess with Ben I felt protected and did not need the anger. I am not with Ben now why is the anger not there to protect me?

My Aunt listened to me musings letting me ramble on a small smile slowly coming to her lips. I stopped talking and looked at her. She knew something that I did not. That smile said that. I was tired of being in the dark so asked what she thought? She said "It was quite simple to tell what is happening with you. You are growing up and falling in..." I stopped her at that point I was defiantly not ready to hear that word. No I could not be doing that?

My Aunt got up and said "Tomorrow I am sending you back to the cabin. You need to be there to work this out. As to who you are I am not seeing a boy sitting here. The rest is yours to find out. By the way check on Gypsy she has been a terror since we brought her back." With that she walked out of the study.

I sat there for a few moments stunned. She had said that I was acting like a girl in... No I won't say it. This is too strange. Well I need to check on Gypsy. With that thought I headed to the stable. I found her giving the stable hands trouble. I hummed a light tune as I walked up and Gypsy calmed. The hands moved back to lick their wounds glad to be away from Gypsy's bad mood. I ran my hand along her side and calmed her with my voice. We linked on such a deep level it was scary. Being with her calmed me. I picked up a brush and started to brush her slowly. I was just letting go and being for the moment. I spent the after noon with her doing all the things I did not have time to do since the storm. It was nice.

About dinner time I headed back to clean up and get something to eat. I was calm and had a plan so all was good! I had no more problems till after I was done with dinner. I ran into the other unfinished piece of business that went by the name of Julie. "Well, Well look who jumped the fence. Life as a boy too hard for you?" She cackled. I stood my legs planted hands on hips ready to do battle. But it was not to be for at that moment my Aunt came up behind me. Julie backed down right away. Well she got a few shots in so what? I was ready and was not going to take it from her. Aunt Helen broke my train of thought by saying "Franks on the line." then heading for the study.

The call with Uncle Frank was short and to the point. He would send the clothes I left there and some money to buy more. He did not seem to want to know why or how I lost my clothes so we kept it short. It would be probably three to five days to get here. We ended the call fast he was busy at the store. I looked at Aunt Helen and quipped "Well at least that part of the plan is working. Another week in skirts would that be so bad?" She just smiled and walked away.

A little time later I went looking for Aunt Helen. I had a question for her. When I found her I asked where I should bed down for the night. The House was for the girls and the bunkhouse was for the boys but where did I fit? If I went to the bunkhouse in a skirt it would not be a fun night to be sure but to stay in the main house would not be right. She thought for a moment and said "I see your point I guess you will need to leave for the cabin tonight." It was all ready a long day but I would survive. Aunt Helen handed me a letter she had been writing to Ben and Josie. "This will explain the satiation to them what you do then is up to you." I sighed and nodded then went to repack the trunk into my mustang. I got Gypsy into the trailer in short order and was ready to leave. I hugged my Aunt and drove into the night.

So much drama for so little time was it only two days ago the storm was over? Well I need a plan for tonight. What am I going the do about Josie and Ben? Josie has worked as a cook since coming to the ranch so she won't give it up easily. I guess I could give her that for now. It would give me more time for Gypsy and fixing up the inside of the cabin. Yes that is settled. Maybe doing it this way will keep the fights down. If I leave Ben to do his thing and see what happens it should work out good. Five days to see if I can answer the question Who Am I? Maybe this will turn out to be a good thing after all.

I pulled up to the cabin about eleven o'clock. I was beat I had my Aunts letter and my plan so I felt almost in control of my life. Ben must have heard the car because he was standing in the cabin's doorway in his sweats looking puzzled. I was all brass and asked him to take the trunk in while I put Gypsy up for the night. He did not look happy but nodded. I did not wait to clear things up for him just went to work. After I put up Gypsy and parked the mustang in the shed I took a deep breath and headed for the cabin.

Ben was sitting in the living room and Josie was in the kitchen banging pots around not happy with me being back and not hiding it. I went into the living room and sat in a chair across from Ben. After a moment of rest I took out the letter and handed it to him. He looked at it and then at the kitchen door he sighed and called Josie out to here the letter. After one last bang the door slammed open and she strode out ready for a fight. Ben held up his hand to stop her opened the letter and started to read it out loud.

Dear Josie and Ben,

This is to inform you of what is going to happen at my cabin.

First, The three of you are not going to fight all the time.
Second, You all will share the chores equally.
Third, In one weeks time I will come up there and assess how things are going.
Fourth, All else will be up to the three of you to find your own way of dealing with.

Everyone better be alive when I get there!
Helen

That was it nothing about what happened or anything. I was shocked. We were all just dropped into the deep end and told to sink or swim! Now what's going to happen?

Stay Tuned to find out! To be continued! Comments always welcome!