Turning 16

Preface

Hi, let me introduce myself, my name is Belle Pride. I am writing this story for Jenny, my daughter, on her 16th birthday. It also happens to be my 32nd birthday. It was 16 years ago to the day that she came into my life (seems like a life time ago). It is time for me (at last) to keep a promise I made on that day so long ago. This is to tell her how she came into this world and how she has changed my life before and after she was born. I know this will not be easy, but the tale must be told. It all started a few months into my fifteenth year.

Beginnings

Chapter 1
I lived in a big house (to me) on the south side of a small coastal town in Washington called Greyveil (Grayhell we called it). I lived there with my mother Janice (Not Fun) and my sister June. My father had left us over 2 years before. My older sister June had just moved back home because she was pregnant and unmarried. In the small town mentality, that was quite a sin (Idiots). Her moving back made me very happy.

June and I were very close growing up, we did most things together. We were very much alike. June was just over two years older than me, but that never seemed to matter (to us). She was 5’ 5” with a tiny waist, delicate build and pixy face that I always thought of as “elfish”. She had flaming red hair that moved with her every breath and skin as fair as new snow. I, on the other hand, stood 5’ 4” and had a slight build, rather effeminate I guess, and tiny waist that rivaled hers. My hair was long pure flame with highlights that flowed like it was alive. My skin was what made us look the most alike though. I had the classic peaches and cream completion just like hers. I admired her and tried to live up to her standard in every way. I guess that is why I kept my hair long and most of the time in a ponytail.

We mostly had the same tastes, in books, in music, at times we even dressed in similar fashions. Before I started school my mother used to dress me in hand-me-downs from my sister (saying it saved money). People even said we looked like twins (twin girls). About the only thing different between us is that I was male (kind of). We were quite a pair growing up; people mixed us up a lot. We had a lot of fun with that. My sense of humor was almost as bad as hers when it came to messing with people. Fooling people was how we had fun.

When she moved out it to live with her boyfriend, (JERK!) it almost broke my heart. Living in that big house with just my mother was not what I would call a fun. She was quite distant and some times quite harsh with me. My delicate (some said girlish) nature, smallness, shyness, and frequent health problems disappointed her I think. It also could be that she could not have any more kids after me due to complications with my birth. I knew she always wanted a big family (she was the oldest of eleven kids). I think she blamed me for not being able to have that and my father’s leaving. I was not what she thought a good son should be, I guess. Maybe that most of all led to what would come.

After my sister moved out, the fights between my mother and me got more and more frequent. Most of the time she was quite nasty and mean to me during these fights. I was so shy that I would often not even fight back. I did not have the heart to tell her off, so I just let her yell. This made her even madder most of the time. The fights were mostly about my as she termed it very girlish (sissy) ways. I liked keeping my hair long (another fight) and that did not help even though I kept it clean and in a unisex style. My preference for soft (girlish) clothing and shyness really got on her nerves. Having her son acting like a girl (sissy) was unacceptable to her. She took her frustration out on me quite often to my regret. I did not see the girl in me at the time (yet).

When my sister moved back home I hoped she would be a buffer between my mother and me (small hope). That hope died a quick ugly death. Her pregnancy had changed her and it was a not a good change. When her boyfriend left her (because of the pregnancy, I think) she began to hate all men (small wonder). This included even nonthreatening types like me. I tried to reconnect with her for a while, but to no avail. After two weeks of trying and crying, I gave up and retreated into my room. Which had always been my haven from the harsh world. Hiding was the only option I could think of (bad one though it was). My life had gone from bad to unbearable and I felt like I had lost my sister all over again (time two).

I was quite shy so I had few friends, none really and no job, so I was home a lot. My mother worked all day and June was avoiding me. With the pregnancy causing her a lot of problems June was not up to doing much so I was the one to do most of the chores around the house. None of us were very messy people so this did not take up much of my days. I was a good student and the school was not what I would call a hard one. This gave me a lot of time to think on my life (not good). My life was not as I would have it (yet). I had to change things or I would surely go insane (maybe I had already had). That is when a chance remark made by my mother (of all people) gave me the answer I needed. She said June was having trouble with her pregnancy and was looking for a “girl” to help her (Bingo!). This helped me form a strange plan. I went to my mother late one night with my plan of how I could help. It was a weird plan, but I thought it would work, if only she would go along with it?

I knew that June wanted and needed to have a full time helper because of her health problems. I had always liked to help people, especially June (when given a chance). There was only one catch I could see. My sister wanted to have a girl to help her. This was a problem I had a thought a lot about (worried). Well, I was doing a lot of so called girl’s work keeping the house and I had been told I was very girlish (sissy) for most of my life anyway. I really did not like the way people would use that to demean me (like there is anything wrong with it). So after a long night of soul searching I had to consider who and what I really was (hard thinking). I realized that I was hiding, in denial of who I was. Looking at myself real hard I could see I could easily be a girl (where did that come from?). I could even get to like it (I think?). Developing my girlish side was how I was going to help my sister (and myself). With one stroke I was going to stop hiding (???) and fix the rift that was growing between June and myself (I hope).

It was simple; June wanted a girl to help her, I would become that girl (goddess, help me). It would be the hardest thing I would ever do, but it was needed (???). This would not solve all my problems, but I think that maybe it would help all of us some (I hope). I talked for quite a while outlining what I had planed to my mother. The words just seemed to jump out, tumbling over themselves to get out of my mouth. I don’t know why, but even as I spoke I knew this was the way I needed to go. For her part she just sat there and listened without a word as I rambled on and on (and on, and on). This scared me more than anything (No yelling, BAD!).

When I finally came to an out of breath halt, she turned to the window in deep thought. I stood there for a while trying to think if I left anything out or if I said anything that might be misleading. I could not find anything to rephrase or correct. I was about to leave when she turned back to me. She said, “Do you know what you are asking? Do you realize the life you are letting yourself in for?” I nodded to her. I looked in her eyes to see any hint as to witch way she was leaning but only sadness was there. Then she said, “I will have to think on this. I will talk to you in the morning. You should go to bed now.” I was surprised that she was considering my plan at all (without yelling). This meant that something happened I had not been told about (as usual). I was badly disquieted while walking to my room.

At that point I knew I was right to tell my mother my plan. It would change my life for sure, but maybe make it a little better (I hope). As I lay in bed I tried to think what my life would be like if my mother agreed to my plan (good? bad?). I just could not manage it, I did not have a clue how much this would change everything (I would soon find out!). I also had a foreboding about the way my mother had not yelled when I told her my plan (she always yelled). It was one of the longest nights of my life (yet).

In the morning I walked into the kitchen trying not to shake with expectation of what this day could mean to me (for good or bad). For once my sister was downstairs before me (Startling). My mother was nowhere in sight (good). As I walked to the fridge to get some juice June followed me with her eyes. She had a thoughtful look in her eyes that spooked me (badly). I did not know what to think when she did not speak. I was sure, for some reason, my mother had told her of our talk last night ( !?!). Her eyes told me she was doing some heavy thinking, but her body language told me nothing of her thoughts (not good). I got a chill while thinking, could mom be leaving it up to her? I guess it would be her choice. I wondered was June trying to figure if I was for real or nuts (maybe both)? I guess I would find out when she spoke. Time took on the consistency of molasses.

After a few minuets (seemed like days), I had to break the silence (to save my sanity). I said, “Well did mom tell you my plan? What do you think?” She looked at me and nodded (strange). That was it for her response (spooky). The time crawled by as I waited for her to continue. Finally she stood, turned and smiled at me while waving me to follow her. My senses soared with delight (YES). She had not smiled at me since she had moved back in. That smile was like the sun coming out after a long hard winter. I noted there was a hint of sadness in her smile that I did not like.

She took me to her room and opened her closet. I had not been in her room for years it seemed, but was surprised at the profusion of dresses, skirts, and other things (unidentifiable lacy things) in her closet. She had not brought that much in the way of clothes back with her when she moved back. She dug in the back of her closet for a minuet before coming out with her old trunk (dragging it). I had not seen this item for a long time (never when open). She had kept her favorite old dresses she had outgrown in it. She had once said she kept her best dreams in it. She had put the trunk away when she had moved out. That had always made me wonder what was in it.

I watched as she opened it and took out the dress I had loved to see her wear when we were younger. It was a flowing lavender summer dress with a scoop neck and a little bow at the hip. It was simple, but quite pretty. She looked fantastic in it. It was too small for her now, so she had packed it away (too bad). I guess this was one of the dreams she put away (so to speak). She held it up looking for flaws, but found none. It was the epitome of fine fashion to me (?). It was perfect type of dress (for what?). Why had I thought that at that time I did not know?

As she placed the dress in my hands, I realized this was the way June was telling me she was accepting my plan (help). I was going to realize a dream that had just started to form. I was going to be able to help her (and myself) in her time of need. She smiled as she said, “I guess “Bill” just doesn’t fit you any more. We will have to find you a new name. Maybe “Belle” will be good. Yes, I think that would fit you well.” She continued “Mom and I talked a lot after you went to bed last night (help). Your plan is very strange. She thinks you are nuts (like always), but she left the decision up to me. I do need the help so; I think we will try your plan for now (wow).” With a sad smile she added “Maybe it is for the best”? At that moment I knew there was something they were not telling me (again). Her sadness scared me too much to ask what was going on. “Where is Mom?” I asked (just for something to say). She smiled that same sad smile (odd) again before answering. “She’s out getting what you will need.” was her answer. At that I was amazed (really). Did this mean my mother would help (me over a cliff probably)? This was beginning to make me reconsider my plan. Could I really pull this off? What would I become if I did?

That is how I started to change my life (what life?). I was doing what I could do to help June and hopefully make all our lives better or that is what I kept telling myself (yeah, right). I knew this would take me into strange places and meetings with even stranger people (intriguing). All I could do is hold on and focus on June. I just hoped I had what it takes to follow through with my plan (hard as it may get). June deserved only the best help. I wanted to give her the perfect helper, even if I had to be a girl to do it (Goddess help me). Where this helping would lead me I did not know.

June told me to get in the shower and wash and condition my hair. Then she told me to shave the tiny amount of leg hair I had (not too much blood). No other shaving was required because I had no other bad body hair. I was fortunate in that way (so they tell me). As I got out of the shower I glanced at the mirror. The girlish face looking back at me told me that this could work (hopefully). I took a long look at myself in the full-length mirror on the door and I could see very little boy in my boy’s body (was it always like that?). The girl in me was screaming to get out (loudly) for some time now and I never saw it (till now). Funny how we can miss what is right in front of us?

My mother got home shortly after I had finished my shower. I heard her come in, but she did not come up right away. I was sitting at my sister’s vanity in a robe getting my hair brushed out when she finally appeared. She just stayed in the doorway taking in what was happening for a few moments (sneering?). I loved having my hair brushed by June but the way my mother just stood there was unnerving. My sister just kept brushing and telling me how great my hair was (flame on). My mother came in June’s room and dropped about ten bags at my feet (I jumped). She did not speak to June or I, she just dropped the bags. These bags held what I would be wearing for the foreseeable future (yum-yum). I wanted to dig into them, but restrained myself (barely).

I looked in my mothers eyes, only to see dislike. I did not know if she hated me for what I was doing or just what I was doing (probably both). I found her look hard as stone (and harder to take). She did not like what I was doing (and me for it) but had given into my sister. This tipped me off that all was not as it seemed (see). I guess you can’t have everything (or anything with her). My heart sank as I watched her walk out. I had my sister back talking to me, but I was afraid I had lost my mother’s respect (As if I ever had it) for good. Well I would have to deal with that later (much later). Right now I had to attend to what June was teaching me. This was a lot to take in at once. For some reason I knew I had to learn fast (???).

She finished with my hair and began to dig into the bags. A glory of pastel silk & lace bras and panty sets in an amazing array of colors was to be produced from these bags. A few of the sets even had matching garter belts and hose. There were dresses, blouses and skirts of all different kinds as well. Four types of shoes came out of the bags. All had at least two-inch heels. One even had four-inch spike heels. The one thing that scared me the most was the corset. I just knew just looking at it. It would hurt to wear it. This was everything I would need to dress as a girl and hopefully look nice. If my mother did not want me to dress up, why did she get me such ultra feminine finery? This made me think I would never understand my family (will I ever understand her?). Maybe she did not agree, but I think she understood at least on some level (down real deep). Hope can come in the strangest packages. Well as long as I had to be a girl I would at least be well dressed.

The next thing I was shown was how to put on make-up. For this step I was dressed in a cute pink training bra, tight pink panties, and nude pantyhose (cute). The first thing she did was painful in the extreme. Plucking my eyebrows was not my favorite thing to do for sure. Then I was shown the wonders of foundation, blush and powder that made my face take on a glow that fascinated me. She then added eyeliner and mascara to bring out my eyes. Eye shadow gave me that exotic look I craved. Lip liner and lipstick finished the transformation. I was stunned at the result (wow). I really looked like a pretty girl (wow again). The change even startled June to the point that we both just stared for a long time at the mirror (wow x3). She hugged me and grinned, “I think this will work out after all” (yes!)! I think make up is such a wonderful thing.

After she finished my face she gave me a slip and told me to put it on while she got my dress ready. I wondered what she meant by that. The dress was perfect in every way (to my way of thinking). Lavender looked great on her, but could it look as good on me (Again I think)? I was soon dressed fully from the skin out as a girl for the first time (stunning). I could not believe the difference. It was like a key that opened a door I did not even know was there. It set me free, for the first time in my life I was complete and whole. Beyond all I had ever known was this place I now found myself in. As I looked into the full-length mirror I was reborn. That was the beginning of many months of trials, happiness, and frustration.

My mother was determined if I was going to be a girl I was going to be ALL girl. That meant hormones and a legal name change. I thought this was only right and went along with Mom and June’s suggestions. This meant a lot of discomfort for me but I just focused on my sister. June’s health was failing fast. The pregnancy was taking a lot out of her. This caused a great deal of tension in our house. The one thing my mother and I could agree on was our worry over June’s health. I found the whole time almost unbearable to say the least.

My mother set a doctors appointment for me the next day. The doctor was an elderly man with horn-rimmed glasses (isn’t that always the way). He asked me a whole lot of embarrassing questions and took a lot of my blood (goddess, I hate needles). He examined me in places I don’t even want to think about. He then gave me a shot in the hip witch gave me a weird sensation and two shots in my chest (OW!). That put me on my way to hormone bliss (blast off). That was all I needed to start on the hormones that would continue my transformation. He gave me the hormones pills and told me to come back in two weeks for follow up shots (oh joy).

We went to the courthouse to change my name right after the doctors. I was intimidated to say the least. I wore a conservative skirt and blouse with jacket hoping to look older. It went pretty fast for such a momentous day. Three questions and some paper shuffling was all there was to it. You would think they would make more of a fuss about such things, but they only looked bored. I guess I felt a little let down with how easy it was. That was it I was now Belle Ann Pride. What was I going to do?

The next few days were not good. I woke up with nausea from hell. When my sister came in to see why I was not up she just shook her head. “Welcome to your fist day as a girl” she quipped handing me a heating pad. Luckily it only took three days to get back on my feet.

The one thing I did not understand was when my mother asked the doctor to put me on the hormones that would make it possible for my breasts produce milk. I had heard this was possible, but did not know why she would want me to experience this. This should have warned me something was terribly wrong. She did this shortly after I started hormones (right after one of June’s appointments). So in about a month I had to wear pads in my bra to catch leaks.

This was a strange time. My sister was getting close to delivering and everyone was on edge. I hoped she would make it to her delivery date. The high doses of hormones I was on did not help (too high). I developed a snappy (bad) temper towards most people. Even the helpful nurses started to avoid me (look out here she comes). This pushed me into a deep depression. I started to dread the days and hate the nights. I even started to have nightmares of what could happen. My mother and I clashed often and harshly during this time. Because of my temper I even started a few of the fights, not that I ever won any of them.

My mother had me take childcare classes that were informative, but probable out of date (dumb town). I also attend all the pre-birth doctor appointments my sister had. This gave me an intimate look at what went on in giving birth (yuck). I learned all the ways to take care of a child (that they taught). To say the least I was fascinated with all I had to learn (and horrified). It often made me sick, but I did all I could. I knew this would be important sometime in the near future (I dreaded this).

I was really changing fast. So fast it took me by complete surprise. Within two months I was wearing a 32 B cup bra and was developing a fine figure thanks to another of my mothers fine ideas. Which was that I wear a tight corset all the time (Breathing was optional). My skin had taken on a softness I loved to touch thanks to the hormones and lotions I used. My hair had grown quite long and I kept it nicely styled and clean all the time. I loved to just sit and brush it for hours. I was becoming a real “Looker” and I liked it. I was even a bit vain about my looks I think. I feared I would really attract males now (??). That was another thing for me to worry about. I knew I was bisexual for some time now, but had not acted on it yet (did being a girl change this?). Did I have what it takes to date men? Could I be happy dating a man? What about sex? Would I even want to marry one in the future? What of my feelings for women? Would they just disappear? Could I, as a woman, date a woman? I was so confused about all that! I did not want to think of any of that yet. I had to look after June first. It always came back to her.

September meant I had to go back to school. With my new name and look I was sure I would be beat up every day. My mother talked to the principle at my school and I was allowed to go back as a girl. Another reason to be scared. The Doctor gave me a letter that got me out of gym class witch made my life easier. I guess I was invisible before I changed so everybody just thought of me as the new girl. I did not enlighten them as to their mistake. I just went with it, anything to make my life easier. That’s how I got trough till October.

In early October my sister’s heath was getting worse to the point that she had to be in the hospital until she delivered. Trying to keep her spirits up I spent a lot of time there even to the point of staying the night sometimes when she was real bad. I had a lot of time to do my homework there. The worry began to take its toll on me. I hardly slept or ate most of the time. Thanks to the stupid corset I just did not want to eat much and worry kept me up most nights. It got to the point I found my own health in jeopardy. My life could not go on like this. Yet I held on for June’s sake.

Here I was just turning 16 when I learned something about myself I could never, should never have known. I learned I could stand back and watch someone I love die (not willingly or easily). That was what was happening with June (Please no). No one said anything about it, but everyone knew. All we could do is hope she would hold on and deliver a healthy baby (a girl, I hoped). There was little hope she would survive the delivery (NO!). I cried a lot during that time (alone). My moods had turned back and forth from anger to depression. Everyone understood, but kept well out of my way. I felt torn, I wanted to run as far from this place as I could, but I knew I would not leave my sister for anything. Life is so hard sometimes. I just smiled when with her even with a broken heart.

It was October 19th my birthday, when she finally gave birth. I stood by while she held her baby girl (yes) for the first time and as it turned out the last. There were tears in my eyes when she called me over. In front of everyone she placed the baby into my arms with a sad smile. The last thing I heard June say was “Jennifer is yours to take care of. You are her mother now. I know you will take good care of her. Promise you will tell her of me someday.” I nodded unable to speak. My eyes were so full of tears I could barely see. With that she gave a long sigh and passed away. I began to cry as I found my sister had left me again and this time forever.

When the baby came out I looked at the clock and it read 10:45 a.m. the exact time on a morning sixteen years ago when I was born. Now I was reborn as a woman and a mother, how I was going to cope was not something I wanted to think on at that moment. I had Jennifer to care for (My Jenny). Strange how life pushes you into places where you would never go on your own and rewards you by making you totally happy. Looking down at my baby’s face did just that (yes, MY Baby). I was happy beyond any happiness I had ever felt before to be sure. In that moment I had lost all I lived for and at the same time found a greater reason to live.

As my mother mourned my sisters passing, I stood by and looked into Jenny’s face. As the tears flowed I had to laugh (almost) she was born at the same time and day that I was sixteen years ago. I guess she was my birthday present (fitting I guess). The doctor waited a few moments then pulled me aside. “Let’s get the paperwork done so you can take your baby home.” He said. When I looked surprised he told me that last requests where always fulfilled, if it was possible. I realized that is what my sister’s last words had been. She had given me the ultimate gift (and responsibility). Even after she was gone she was still looking out for me. The funeral was held three days later.

Strange as it was I was now Jenny’s mother. I guess in life you never know. They all knew about me but at that moment it did not make a difference. My mother had to be sedated for a while, because of grief. I was on my own in this at that moment. I had taken all the classes that were available in that small town, so in some ways I knew what to do. I also knew this would change me in ways I never could have thought of when I started this.

It was raining on the day we laid my sister to rest. I stood by the gave holding Jenny and made a vow that she would never feel unloved or as unwanted as I had felt. I was going to raise her right. Like my sister wanted. Yes I would tell her of June, I would make sure neither of us ever forgot her. She would live in my heart forever.

It was the little things I did not know that really showed me that I had a lot to learn. I muddled through with books and faith. Two things happened the next week that made my life more bearable. The first is I inherited a house in California and a lot of money. Second my mother was put in the hospital for a mental breakdown. You would think that would make my life harder, but not having her around let me breath easier while I learned to care for my child and in many ways myself. I grew up a lot in those first days.

A New Life!

Chapter 2
Two weeks later my new life began. I decided to move to the new house right away. With my looks and the fact that no one knew me there I should be taken as any other new mother with her baby. Well, any teenage mother and child that is. That was the plan. Some of my nervousness was about moving was that I was never away from the old house on my own before. I was just sixteen after all. It scared me to think of all the things that could go wrong at this point. My medical needs would be met because of a referral made by the doctor that delivered Jenny. Jenny and I would have the same doctor (fun). Jenny and I traveled to Seattle to catch a train to our new home. It would be our first train ride (wee). It would have been easier to drive but I did not have a car or a license in my new name. It was a long trip, but a fun one. I was scared, but people seem to see me as I seemed to be and cooed at my baby. I guess people want to see what you show them. Jenny slept most of the way. Trains are a wonderful way to travel.

At the station we took a taxi to our new home. The ride along the coast was nice and I found myself excited to live in this type of place. I felt confident that we would make a great life here. As we neared the house I could see that we had no close neighbors. I thought this was good. The seaside bluff was an amazing sight as we drove up the long driveway. Then I got my first view of the house itself. All I can say is I was in love.

The house was a big old Victorian on the edge of a sleepy little seaside town. I fell in love with it at first sight. The view was spectacular in the extreme. You could really call it a grand palace. It looked like a place right out of a fairy tail. The house was big and bold set on a seaside bluff. Trees lined every path around the place and there were fountains everywhere. This was the type of house you might read about in a romance novel. I could not believe it was all ours. I had to pinch myself to see if it was real.

After I settled Jenny and myself into our gloriously large rooms I decided to explore the house. The house was filled with things from the turn of the century. There were bookshelves everywhere and glass front cabinets displaying all kinds of eye-catching things. I could take years just finding out what all these things were. I loved the décor and decided to keep it the way it was. I would not change this perfection. I decided to spend the day in the house and check out the town the next day. It was a great day.

The next day what I found the town was a small one with few permanent residents. The town’s economy was based on tourism, primarily small hideaways along the coast and the businesses that supported them. It was quiet and the residents liked it that way. This would be a good place to fade into the woodwork, someplace to quietly bring up Jenny and make a good life for her and myself. I guess I was still a small town girl at heart. This place made me feel right at home.

The money I inherited made it so I could stay home with Jenny, but school was a problem. I decided to hire a teacher to home school me. I didn’t know if this was a bright idea or not? This was trickier than I thought. I had to search a lot of places before I found the right person. The person I found was a young pretty lady working on her Masters in Education. She was also a new mother looking for a place to stay to my good luck. We talked about it and decided that she would move in trading her teaching skills in place of rent. This worked out well because I had this big old house with lots of room and just Jenny and I to fill it. Well, at least I would have someone other than jenny to talk to. Babies are not the best conversationalists.

The teacher’s name was Rose. I thought she was as pretty as any rose I have seen. She was a tall willowy, black haired Mid-western gal. She was quite thin, but well shaped. She tended to wear conservative, but stylish outfits that fit her to her best advantage. Her jewelry was never flashy and was always in the best taste. She really knew how to say what she wanted without saying a word. I learned a lot just watching her. I loved her easygoing style that really got her noticed. I think I wanted a role model as well as a teacher. Rose worked out well in both roles.

We got along real well from the first. She helped me catch up in school and I helped her with her baby (a boy named James). This was a quite equable arrangement. I did not bring up my past and she did not ask. It did not take long to be right up there with my schoolwork. I liked the way she taught. Time passed quickly, almost without notice.

She was a great help around the house and we soon became close friends. That is of course when things started to go wrong. I was faltering about what to do with my life and really needed to talk to someone. I had kept silent about my past so long I was reluctant to bring up it up now. It was always on my mind in those days. I knew that I would have to tell all to make her understand what I had been through in just under a year. I hoped she would be able to help. I just hoped she would not freak out too much, at least. Putting myself out there was going to be very hard. I knew it had to be done if we were to continue this way.

I was uncertain how to start when I sat with her in the living room that night after putting the kids to bed. She turned and said, “I see you have something to bring up.” Being on the spot made my thoughts fly apart even faster like at the speed of light. She put in “What could be so troubling to rob you of speech?” She talked like that sometimes, teachers. When she smiled I just turned red and the tale tumbled out. It all came out in a rush. I realized this was the first time I had told anybody the whole story at one time ever!

She did not freak out, but her face took on a gray cast at times. I could not tell if it was fright or repulsion at first. I just let the whole thing slide out like a flood. That was it, I had laid myself open and waited for her to take it in and respond. I was totally blown away by the effort it took. I was totally drained. Every thought and felling was put out there for her to see. This could be the end of a friendship or the beginning of a closer one. Which one it would be I didn’t know. She took a long time to say anything and that really made me nervous and jumpy.

Finally she got up and came over to me. The look on her face was saying it all. She hugged me and said “How did you survive all that without help?” I shrugged and shook my head. It was not in me to answer at that time. After a little while we talked for a long time about everything and how to go on from here. She had a good grasp on my life and pointed out several things I did not consider. This helped me get it worked out in my mind. I really was happy I had found her to help me. We were closer at that moment than I had been with anybody for a long, long time. Perhaps we were even closer than even than I was with my sister.

After a while our topic turned to her life and family. She was one of five kids who grew up in a big house in Oklahoma City. She was still close to her folks, but had not seen them for over a year. Her two sisters lived back east somewhere last she heard. She had not heard what became of two of her brothers. The one remaining brother she had moved out to California to see. She said that his name was Roger. He lived in Santa Cruse right on the beach. They were really close as kids. She still liked him a lot even though his coming out as gay pushed him away from their folks. She really wanted to be near him but he kept pushing her away. This made her very sad. Family was very important to her. I envied her.

I just sighed and nodded as she told me all this. Oh, to have a life so simple. I guess I was jealous of her in many ways. My mother had tried to find me after she got out of the hospital, but with my uncles help and my moving when I did had kept her two steps behind. I figured she would find me sometime this year. I was not sure if I wanted that or not. We had not talked since she went into the hospital. The break was clean and I thought it would be good to leave it that way. At least Rose still had family to turn to. Rose and I got along well as the year moved on. We were quite close because of our talk that night. I now had a friend I could tell anything to without restraint. This made me very happy indeed.

Christmas was a troubling time for me. I had no family but Jenny to spend it with. At three months old jenny was not much into parties. Rose knew I was having a hard time with the season and surprised me by asking me to go with her to her folk’s place. This was unexpected because of what she had told me of their treatment of her brother. I knew I passed OK, but I also knew that if they spent a couple of days with me they would know something’s funny. This did not make my decision any easier. I guess the thought of being around a real family again, even if it was not mine, was what made me say yes in the end.

We planned to drive out spend a few days with them then come back for new years. I was not sure how it would go but then I wanted to see if I could do this. I tried to put it out of my mind and do what was needed till it was time to leave.

There was the Pre-Holiday shopping to do and presents to buy. This kept us quite busy till it was time to leave for Oklahoma. My spirits were confused the day we left. I was up because we were going to have a good holiday, but down missing my family. June was on my mind a lot. It was a roller coaster of emotion that threatened to tear my mind apart. If it was not for taking care of Jenny and Rose being there I would have gone mad.

The ride itself was uneventful, but it was a long drive. We switched off driving to keep ourselves fresh. Rose had found a way to get me a license in my new look and name. We took her car because I still did not have one. The kids it seemed to love car rides, don’t kids that age always. We took three days to drive to her folk’s house. We stopped at two quaint little inns along the way for the two nights. Amazing how these little places looked alike. This was a great way to travel. The babies just loved it. Rose and I got even closer by chatting to make the miles go by faster. We went into subjects out of boredom that we normally would not even have thought to bring up. I liked knowing that we thought a lot alike. Our opinions were in line on most things.

It was a fine day that we pulled into her folk’s driveway. The sun was out and the sky clear, but I did not see any of that. I was looking at the person standing next to a woman standing on the porch. I had not seen him since I was thirteen, but I was dead sure who this person was. She said, “There’s my mom and step-dad waiting for us on the porch!” Well, I was in shock. The person she called her step-dad was none other than my runaway father. Well I guess you never know.

I was sure that he would never recognize me. My hair was longer and styled, my shape was quite different as well, and the fact that I was now a girl with a baby would help some too. So with some trepidation I got out and walked to the house. My mind spilled out a lot of possibilities on what would happen next, but nothing popped in saying he would understand. Her mother ran over and gave her a big hug. Rose introduced me and to my surprise I got a hug too. I liked the thought and it calmed me a bit.

Her step-dad walked down the steps to greet us. This was the moment I dreaded. Would he, could he know that this was his “son” turned daughter coming to visit? I guess I was a little scared my mind screamed RUN you fool! I just stood and watched him come on. I knew if he recognized me I would be ruined. I looked in his face and did not see any recognition at all. I guess I was safe for the present. We introduced the babies and went inside.

It was an enjoyable afternoon. We had a good dinner and headed to the room they gave us for the night. That is when I decided to tell Rose about the little surprise I got. She was very shocked to learn her step-dad was my father. I told her how he had left my mother two and a half years ago. She told me that was about three months before he came to live here. Could he have met his new wife while still married to my mother? I wondered what he would say if he knew who I was?

Late that night I got up to get a drink. I went into the kitchen and found him there. He still did not recognize me I was sure. So I played the shy friend and chatted. I asked how he had met his wife? He actually blushed and said he met her while on a business trip. I knew that he had traveled a lot before he broke up with my mother. This gave me a little insight into what happened.

At that point he told me that I reminded him of somebody he once knew. I asked whom he meant? He blushed and said I reminded him of his first wife. I almost fainted when he said that. At that point I decided that he needed to know who I was. I wondered if there were any smelling salts handy? I tried not to laugh at him as I told him I knew his first wife quite well. He looked hard at me and asked how I could? I looked him in the eye and said, “I should know her, She is my mother!” He nearly fainted at that. I told him “My name was not always Belle.” He asked after a moment what my old name was. “You should know FATHER after all, you named me.” That nearly flattened him. He stammered, “Who are you?” I laughed and said, “Don’t you recognize your own SON? Really father I have not changed that much have I?” I turned slowly so he could get a close look at how I had changed. I almost giggled at how he watched very closely with wonder in his eyes. “Really, I have only changed a little.” I taunted. “But you have a baby!” He gasped. “I took over her care when June died. You do remember her don’t you?” That hit him real hard. “When” was all he got out? “Last October was when she was buried. Your daughter placed Jenny in my arms right after her birth. Then she died, I am her mother now.” I knew I hurt him with that. I wanted very badly to hurt him at that point. “Why did you change?” he whispered. “You never noticed this in me? I have always been this way. If you had looked you would have seen this! I was always told that is why you left.” I said in a cool almost icy voice. His look told me all I needed. I had hurt him all right maybe too much. “Well good night father.” I said while walking out the door.

I walked slowly till I turned the corner then I practically flew to our room and closed the door as quietly as I could. Rose sat up in bed and asked, “What was all that noise about down there? You look like you just went though the wringer? Are you all right you are quite pale.” I grinned and told her what happened. She giggled and said “Oh, you really stepped in it now. What are you going to say to him tomorrow?” “I guess hello Daddy would not go over too well.” I laughed. What this would lead to I did not know, but I was having fun with it at that moment even though it scared me. Rose found the whole thing quite profoundly funny. “Well, I guess that Daddy Dearest can just stew for awhile!” I quipped. “I am going to not worry about it tonight”. We laughed for a while then went back to bed.

In the morning we got up early, dressed the kids and ourselves then went into the living room. Rose’s mother was sitting there looking out the window. I said “HI” and she turned to look at me. The look on her face said it all. I thought here it comes. My father had told her about what I said last night. She got up not saying a word and crossed over to stand before me. She looked real close and then pulled back to repeat the examination. This made me real edgy, but I just stood there and let her decide for herself. I knew I should not rush her. I only watched as she tried to make up her mind and that took a long time. At last she said, “Nope, I don’t see it. You look all woman to me.” I laughed and replied, “Thanks, that is what I always thought.” She smiled and I knew she was “ok” with this. “I was sorry to hear of your sisters passing. I met her once; she was a lovely girl.” She said. “You must take after her.” She put in with a smile. Sometimes life surprises you.

After that we had a lovely visit and promised to visit as often as we could. My father was strangely silent for most of the visit (I just let him stew). They loved the gifts we brought and tried to spoil the kids rotten. Grandparents are always spoiling babies. I was happy as we drove away from that house. It was just too weird to be near him the way I was now.

The trouble was, I think, I was falling in love with Rose. Could this be true love or am I just fooling myself? Could she love a person like me strangeness and all? Would this love last? Did we have what it takes to make it? Would the 5 year difference in our ages spell doom? These thoughts put me in a funk all the way back to our house. She did not seem to notice. I really did not know what to think or feel. I guess I will just have to wait and see. I seem to do that a lot.

New Year’s Eve was nice and we started the year off right. I put myself into my studies to graduate as soon as possible. I wanted to get that out of the way so I could get on with living. By the end of January I passed all the classes I needed to graduate (a year and a half early). I was wondering if I should ask to graduate with that year’s high school class or just get the diploma sent to me. It would be nice to take that walk for the memories, but it would mean waiting till June. I really did not know what to do. Were the memory’s I would get from the graduation ceremony be worth the wait? Even Rose did not know what to do.

Chapter 3

Strange Days

My decision was made for me by an unexpected visit by Rose’s brother Roger. She had not heard form him in a long time. He was a tall lanky athletic sort that would look right at home on any soccer field. He was pushy and opinionated (jerk), but seemed to really know what he wanted. He intimidated me a little, I guess (duh). Rose loved him a lot, so I put up with him. Trouble was that he thought life owed him something for being gay. So he pushed every one around with it. I just shook my head and stayed out of the way.

His visit put a strain on our routine and resources. He and Rose fought a lot about little things. I wanted to tell him off, but for Rose’s sake I held my tongue. He was a rough person to have around. He wined how his folk’s did not understand him as an excuse not to do anything. He even thought Rose should pick up after him. That almost put me over the top. On his third day there he asked Rose for money to get drunk. I looked at her as he tried to say how hard life for a gay man was. I wanted to tell him that He should try the life I had (yah right)! I guess my feelings showed because Rose told him to shut up (surprise). This surprised him to say the least. Soft and gentle Rose was showing some backbone. He did not know how to react to this change. I looked at her and seen a glimmer of annoyance in her eyes. Was she really getting upset with him or was this for my benefit. This shut him up for about an hour.

It was just before dinner when he started up again. I watched Rose turn to him and tell him to grow up (yes). He was floored by her venomous tone. He had never heard that type of response form her before. At that point she decided to put a real fine point on it. She said, “Do you really think you have it that bad? I know people who have it a lot harder than you.” When he did not reply she went on “You better get over yourself or you will never make it.” I was very proud of her at that point. He was flabbergasted and totally speechless. I was wondering if she was going to tell him about my life to make her point (no), but she just turned and went into the kitchen (skated by on that one).

The visit went better after that. One evening after Rose went up to bed he asked me “What has gotten into Rose?” I looked at him and replied “Life has shown her how hard it could be. She has had a lot of surprises lately (to say the least).” “What do you mean?” he answered. So I told him about his stepfather and what he was to me. I did not intend to, it just came out. Then I decided to push a little farther. I told him about my sister. I did not let on about my life change yet. He said nothing when I finished just stared at me. He got up without a word and went to bed. His face showed he had a lot of thinking to do.

Both of them did not speak when they came down for breakfast. Rose still seemed mad and her brother looked like he had a bad night. I felt sorry for them, but did not interfere (for safety reasons). I smiled and served breakfast. No one talked during the meal and the tension was quite high. I was getting a headache just sitting there. After we ate I turned to Rose and said “You look tired, why don’t I take the kids to the park and let you rest for a while.” I knew this would give them the chance to talk this out (with the kids out of range). I watched as they glanced at each other and nodded. I told her of my talk with her brother while she helped me get the kids ready. I quipped, “You can tell him the rest if you want”. She glanced at me with a strange look in her eyes. For some reason, I began to feel sorry for Roger.

It was a glorious day to be outside. The kids loved the park and I loved taking them there, so we had a good time. The twin stroller we had got made pushing the kids easy. My mind kept sliding back to what was going on at the house, but I tried to get past it. They would have to get through this alone. My help was not needed. (I hoped). The walk through the park then home was relaxing (for the kids). I did not know what to expect when I got there, but maybe it would turn out all right.
The house was silent when I entered with the kids. I was not sure if this was a good sign or not. I took the kids to their room for their nap then went looking for Rose. She was in the dinning room when I found her. She had a thoughtful look in her eyes and a big grin on her face. “Well are you going to tell me what happened?” I asked after a moment of silence. “You would never believe me so, he’s in the kitchen see for your self” She said as her grin got even bigger. This made me wonder what was going on. I walked into our big kitchen with no idea what I would find. The sight that was presented took my breath away. This was something I really would never have expected.

There he stood doing the dishes of all things. His look had changed as well as his manners to say the least. He stood in a short and sassy pink maid’s uniform with lots of lace everywhere (What?). His matching pink pumps had heels at least 3 inches high (wow). His hair was brushed into a high, bouncy and quite feminine ponytail with a maid’s cap sitting just in front of it (nice hair). He was facing away so I did not see his face but I was sure he was fully made up. To my amazement his lanky form fit perfectly in his, or should I say her, uniform must be a corset under there. Her form said girl all the way nicely too. Could this be the same opinionated male I really disliked when he came here? I pinched myself so I would not laugh and left quickly before he could see me.

My grin was as big as Rose’s as I sat at the table to talk to her about this new development. She told me that they had got into a huge fight after I left. She poured me some tea while she explained that she had got tired of his bad attitude and decided to teach him a lesson. Putting him in a dress seemed the best way to prove her point. She said he would continue in dresses till he straitened up. She said, “Having a maid for a while would be nice”. She would show him how wrong he was. I grinned as I asked how I could help. She told me to call him Nancy for as long as he was here (as in Nancy-boy). As the maid he would be doing all the housework so we were free to do more important things. I thought it a strange situation but, I just agreed and went to my room for a nap.

After my nap I walked downstairs to check on things and came upon a scene that startled me a lot. Apparently there was a vase Rose liked that he broke and she was punishing him for it. She had him over her knee and was spanking him repeatedly. This was another weird turn for my strange household. I turned and left quickly. I did not understand what got into Rose. I guess it takes all kinds (look at me). It startled me to see calm, sweet, gentle Rose spanking her own brother. Did I really want to love this girl? I went to the kid’s room to get my mind off this and watched them play for the rest of the day. Kids are good for getting your mind off things.

The rest of the week went by without a hitch, (if strange) so I was happy. Not doing any housework or schoolwork left a lot of time on my hands. I started to think of getting a job (yah right). I still had quite a bit in the bank, but working would not hurt me (much). It was getting on towards summer so I decided to have one last adventure before I settled down to work (right). I needed a vacation (from nothing) to remember while I worked all winter.

I decided to talk to Rose and see what she thinks. She had an idea right away (as always). She told me of an island off the coast that would be perfect for a two week-long fling. The island had an authentic med-evil type castle to stay in where we would be treated like royalty for the whole time there (yes). I agreed it would be a unique and exciting adventure. I decided we should look into it. Rose grinded and said we should take Nancy along as a nanny to watch the kids (GRIN). She had been teaching him how to look after them (hard work). He was very good with them (?). It was looking like a fun two weeks. The question was how high in the ranks did we want to go.

I called the travel agent to find out the prices of the trip. It was quite expensive, but seemed to be worth it. She had a deal going for the Duchess packages that was quite tempting, so I booked both Rose and myself for that package. I found that our nanny could go along for very little indeed. The kids of course were free (since our nanny was looking after them). We planned our trip well. I loved the thought of living as a duchess for two weeks. The glamour and finery really made me want to go right then (ah the lure of lace). I held back to have everything go right. So it was set, we would leave in two weeks for our trip to haven.

For the trip I had a dress made that was the most gorgeous lavender satin ball gown (in remembrance of my first dress). It had a plunging neckline, tight bodice and three quarter length sleeves with two inches of lace at the ends. It also had lots and lots of lace at the hem (of course). I even found matching lavender pumps with three-inch heels and bows on the toes to go with it. I would certainly hold my own at court in that. I had a matching gown in pale rose (my little joke) made for Rose. We will make quite a stunning pair in those gowns to be sure. We would get the rest we would need there.

I knew I was being cute with the choice of color for her gown, but I could not resist. I was sure she would love my little joke. I even bought the appropriate jewelry to match the gowns for both of us. I got Rubies for her and Amethyst for myself. Matching cloaks and handbags completed the look. That was a total necessity of course. Girls just have to accessorize.

Telling Nancy (Roger) that we booked him as a nanny (female) for two weeks while we vacationed was quite a chore. He broke down almost at once (Huh). I really felt sorry for him (not enough to let him out of it though). You might get the impression that the old Roger would rise up and he would bolt from there never to bother us again. Well, he did not do that. I was surprised to see real tears building in his eyes. I guess the time he had been here had changed him a lot (little did I know at the time).

Rose surprised me even more when she became totally unsympathetic to his show of emotion. She seemed to be quite a hard person at that time (?). He took this as a sign of how very badly she wanted to see him suffer (could this be?). Was this the same reserved, caring and helpful lady who helped me through my life change? Her treatment of her brother made me wonder, if she had a dark side after all? Could she take this sort of action with me? I was scared to find out the answer to that. We were set to leave for the trip in two weeks. I guess I would need to find out what was causing this before then.

Two nights later I was sitting with Rose in the living room and decided to ask her about her brother’s change. She just smiled and asked me not to tell her brother but she knew his secret. I wondered what this could be. She told me that he had always been pressured to be a leader in the family. He always had to be the “big man”. She knew he had always wanted to have someone tell him what to do. To take the pressure off him and just let him go along. He just never knew how to ask for that though. Her “punishing” him gave him the excuse he needed to try life as a follower for a while. The problem was he had the leader drilled into him so he had to be broken out of himself to help him. So she was being hard on him to help him. This really made me think. Could his pushing people all the time, be his way of asking for someone to take over? Maybe her “punishing” him was just the help he needed? I would have to think on this.

This sure was a strange household I was living in. I guess the head of the house sets the tone (me). Well with grown-ups like us how are the kids going to turn out (shutter)? That one kept me up many a night wondering (worrying). It was just another case of wait and see I guess. There was nothing I could do about it at the moment, so I just went on with the shopping for the trip.

I just had to make it to my vacation and I would be fine (Frisky Intense Nasty Expert). I think I liked the Idea of being Royal (even if it was just two weeks). The thought of being Royal was changing me even before I had a chance to go there. The Princess Syndrome, I think it is called. I just hoped this would prove to shatter my shyness (mostly overcome) once and for all. That was something I had not thought of in a long time (no time). The bane of my life was almost gone (YES!). I guess I would see.

The time seemed to slowly crawl by till it was time to go. The trip to the coast was very easy and fun. The boat that we were to take was a great big old-fashioned sailing ship. This trip was starting off right. We checked in at the office and headed for our rooms to change. We were to stay the night here to get the things we would need on the island. The dresses we got were fitted to perfection and there was a ton of them. Our luggage consisted of four steamer trunks plus several bags. Nancy as our nanny had but three uniforms and some personal stuff (two small bags). The kids had a trunk of their own. Now I understood why the travel cost was so high.

The ship was to leave at nine a.m. sharp. It took twelve porters to load our luggage on the ship. Royalty never travel light I guess. As we boarded the ship the captain welcomed us. We found out we were the highest-ranking people on board for this trip. He just gushed saying we were such lovely ladies (grin). Our cabin was the best aboard and quite spacious for this ship. We left port on time so we were informed we would get to the island at dusk. I really looked forward to this.

We were up on deck when the island came into view. It was quite breathtaking. On top of the biggest bluff was the castle looking like it came right out of a history book. I loved the thought of riding up to such a grand palace in an old fashion carriage. I would be met by a handsome gentleman who would genteelly lift me down from the carriage and hold me in his arms our faces just inches apart (Sorry, I went off on a tangent, I will get back to the story now.). The ship pulled up to the dock and we all prepared to go ashore.

The port was just like I thought it would be, a “quaint” little seaside village. We passed through it rather quickly on our way to the castle. The castle itself was even more impressive when viewed from the road leading up to it than from the sea. It was an English style, right in every way. I hoped it was not too accurate when it came to reproducing the sanitary conditions of the time period in question (Yuck). We rode through the lower castle on our way to the palace at the center. As we went the carriages behind ours peeled away. Soon our couch and the wagon carrying the luggage were the only ones left.
That is how we arrived at the palace. My senses were energized to the limit with all that was to see, hear, and experience. The palace was quite a dreamy place to behold. When we stopped there was a handsome footman to hand us down (Hmmm) to stand before the palace steps and take in the beauty before us (Quite fun). We were awaited by a group of nobles at the base of the steps (as you would expect). They were quite a mixed group of four with two men and two women. The leader of the group introduced himself as Count Godfree Lino (not bad looking at least). He called himself a Count but his manner was quite unrefined (come on). At his side was a young lady he called his daughter, Lady Lilly Lino (YUMMY!). The others I glanced over without interest. I decided to play the quiet one while letting Rose take charge (after all she was the older one). This made it easy for me to spot the potential romances in this group (I was on vacation after all). There was not much of that evident here (maybe inside).

The welcome was short and we were escorted inside to meet the King and Queen of this little island. I observed Lilly during our walk in noting many things not apparent at first glance. First of all I estimated her age to be only slightly older than me. She was twenty at most. Second she was more at home in her finery than her father (A very good sign). I got the feeling everything here was not as it seemed (something to look into). What was her story (Hmmmm)? I had a feeling it would be worth getting to know her (Like you did not see that coming).

The Royal family of the Island was quite used to their roles so the greetings in the main hall were short and flowery. The King was named Jonathan Tormen and the Queen was named Vivian Tormen. Everything was going along fine, till I was introduced. The Queen was quite startled when I moved into view. Something she seen in me turned her quite pale. There was a look of almost recognition on her face. The look told me that she had seen me somewhere before. The fact she stared at me like I was a ghost so long told me that she did not believe what she was seeing. What could she be seeing in me that startled her so? I had a feeling finding out would startle me (badly probably). Why did I always find myself in this sort of trap?

The Queen unlike her husband was quite young (he looked fifty at least). She looked to be only twenty-seven or so. She reminded me of someone, but I could not remember whom. All the attention she was directing my way was making me irritable (Darn). She kept her bluer-than-blue eyes on me throughout the proceedings. Her gown was a deep purple that absorbed light and outlined her shape without showing it off. How it did this I do not have a clue, but it sure was a nice effect. She displayed a moderate amount of jewelry that seemed to pull the eye away from her face. What was she trying to hide?

While I was musing on this our children were presented to the royal couple. This of course was quite fun to watch. Apparently babies were not often brought to the island. The Queen even came down from her throne (shock) to have a closer look at them while our nanny Nancy held them up one at a time (blushing all the time). That we brought our own nanny with us impressed many in the court (HA!). The Queen glanced at me and said, “Which of the children is yours?” I walked over and said, “This is my Daughter Jennifer your Majesty”. “She is the greatest love of my life.” I concluded. She smiled at this and a strange look passed over her. She snapped her fingers and a servant stepped forward quickly. She turned and whispered to her and smiled again as the servant rushed away. The Queen remounted the steps to the throne and sat once more. I was puzzled by her actions, but Queens (Male or Female) are like that (no other reference needed or meant).

After we were presented there was a time of shuffling in the hall. The Queen seemed to be waiting for something (not to well either). She smiled when the servant indicated that what she wanted was done. She turned to the hall and said, “I invite these new arrivals to a private get together in the east chamber”. Her smile while she said this was quite smug, even a bit whimsical. This made me wonder what awaited us in this place. I glanced at Rose and she was just as unsure as I was. Maybe this is when I find out what had startled her about me you never know. We followed her from the hall.

The walk to the east chamber was a short one. The hall we entered was not large or from the look of it used very much. It did have a grand fireplace that was lit with a good fire (castles are always drafty and cold). The room had in it the look of a hasty clean-up job. What drew me attention the most was the portrait over the fireplace (here it comes). It was of a lady in her middle years holding a baby. She was still showing the glory of youth. It was the most startling thing I had seen in my life. The painting showed someone who looked almost exactly like ME! Older by a few years and dressed in turn of the century dress, but the likeness was startling!

The Queen grinned and said “Now you see why you surprised me in there? It is a remarkable likeness to be sure.” I was speechless for a long while then just started to laugh. I had finally remembered where I had seen the Queen before. I glanced at her and curtsied. “Well, I can explain this if you can not. But first tell me is she related to you?” I asked. She looked quite surprised, but said, “She is my Grandmother on my Mother’s side”. “I knew it. Well it seems we are related then, for she is my great aunt on my father’s side” I replied. This started her into laughing too. I had seen an old snapshot of the queen at my Grandmothers house some time ago while visiting that is where I had seen her before.

“I guess that would make you my Aunt, I think.” I said. The Queen grinned and said, “It does something I do not think you are considering.” Her grin got even bigger while she continued “Well Duchess, it makes your title real.” I just stared at her, totally speechless. At this Rose burst out laughing. Nancy curtsied grinning. From no family to a royal aunt and uncle, you never know. After that we sat and talked for hours, getting to know each other. I wonder what she would say if she knew my secret?

Nancy came up to me disturbing my thoughts asking to put the kids down for their nap. I said, “Go ahead, I will be down in a bit”. As he left the Queen watched him with a quizzical look on her face. I said, “Nancy is quite a good nanny”. She glanced at me and asked “There is something quite strange about that one”. I smiled and commented, “Yes, at times He is quite a strange one”. She thought about that for a second before she spotted what was wrong with that quip. “Did you say he, as in male? That was no male”, she asked. “Yes, I did say “he” and that is exactly what I meant.” I replied. She just stared at the door he had gone through. “How come you have a male dressed like that?” she wondered? “Ask Rose, He is her brother after all.” I quipped. She shook her head and turned to a grinning Rose. Rose said, “He is being punished and being the nanny was a good way to get some honest work out of him”. “It is for his own good. He will be a better person after I let him back in to pants”. I watched for reaction from the Queen, but none came. I think she was in shock.

Later that day Nancy told me what happened after he left. He was taking the kids down to our rooms for their nap when he bumped into Count Lino. The count had been deep in his cups for a while and was quite aggressive. Nancy had his hands full trying to keep the counts hands off of him. The count was only put off when the kids began to cry very loudly. I an sure at that moment Nancy truly loved those kids!

After I stopped laughing, I tried to console our upset nanny. Rose just kept making jokes about how he should have gone for it. “After all he is rich and not that bad looking. It is every maids dream. What type of slut are you?” She teased him. This did not help me trying to calm him down a bit. He just burst in to tears and ran from the room. At that moment I really found the name Nancy totally appropriate for this cross-dressed ninny. What a Family I had around me (one for the books for sure). What is a girl (or me) to do?

There was a Grand Ball that night to welcome all the new arrivals. This was my first chance to really show myself off. I unpacked my lavender gown and all the things to go with it. About then I remembered that I needed help getting into this gown. Nancy was busy with the kids, so that was out. What I needed is a ladies maid. I went looking for the Queen to ask of such things are possible here. I found her in the thrown room sitting Looking at nothing (thinking I guess). I inquired if such a ladies maid could be found in time to help me get ready for the ball? She grinned and asked why I did not use my nanny? I grinned back and said he was watching the kids. Then I laughed and told her of the incident with the count. This story she loved and we both ended up laughing. When we stopped laughing she said she would send someone to fill my request.

It was a little over an hour later when the maid showed up. Her name was Shirley. She was 5’4” and quite small in build. She wore the traditional maid’s stiff black dress. She was all business and briskly moved to help me out of my old gown and into my new one. Her manner was strictly correct and proper. I liked her professional demeanor. I was quite distracted, but noticed something about her was not quite right. I am not sure what it was that tipped me off, but something here was not what it seemed (Again). My mind wondered over what she had said and done to try to figure it out. I took me quite sometime to place what it was.

The Queen had a sense of humor to send this one to wait on me. I decided to see if I was right. I dropped one of my earrings and asked her to pick it up. That showed me I was right. This person was not use to long nails or bending in a skirt. I laughed to myself as I watched this little joke run around getting what I needed. Darn if I did not have another cross-dresser working around me. The Queen was really turning out to be a fun person (I’ll get her for this).

The Ball was quite a regal affair to be sure. The Queen presided over it with joy showing on her face. I was sure that she lived for this sort of thing. When Rose and I were announced I noticed that my title had changed somehow but could not put my finger on how. I stuck it in the back of my mind to ask the Queen later. The room was quite the largest in the castle that I had seen so far. It was filled with people in grand finery dancing to tunes right out of the middle ages. Everyone turned when we were announced. I knew that I really looked great in my gown, so I just smiled and proceeded down the great staircase. Rose came slightly behind me, I guess she was letting me shine. I loved this sort of thing. I learned in that moment that I really had accepted myself in this role; I had found myself at last. You might say I was in my element for as I walked across the floor the crowds parted like a sea. They recognized my new role and reacted appropriately. As I approached the Queen I knew myself to be at the peak of my life. I was all I wanted and needed to be at that moment. My curtsy was fluid and graceful as I felt the glory of the moment upon me. The Queen smiled and my spirits were lifted even higher. This was my time and I was going to live it to the hilt.

The Ball was truly grand and I had a joyous time. I danced and talked with a confidence I never had before. All too soon the Ball came to an end. I did not want it to ever end to be sure. I walked up to the Queen to say goodnight smiling at the feelings coursing through my mind. Her smile was almost as big as she asked me to stay a moment after the others leave. I stood slightly to the side as the others bid their farewells to the Queen. My mind wandered over these new feelings. I identified Pride, Joy, and Confidence in my new demeanor. Where that came from I wondered. Could I be growing up (never)? Where was the fear I always felt? I did not know why, but I could not even remember what it felt like. This was strange, but I loved every moment of it.

The Queen was looking at me. What must she think of me? Am I really related to such a regal lady? I smiled I guess I was feeling Royal at that moment. She came over and waved me to follow her as she led me to a small-unused study in the east wing. After waving me into a seat she poured us some wine and sat looking into her glass thinking. “You have shown me something I did not expect tonight. I think I was right in the perception that you are truly a royal”. I did not know what to say to this, so I just waited for her to continue. In a moment she did. “Did you notice that your title has changed a bit?” She asked. I nodded wondering where she was going with this. “I was the one that changed it. You are now truly of my line” she put in. “I want you take my place when I am gone” She said. I was flabbergasted I had not seen this coming. I stood and went to the window. How could this be? I think she needed to know the truth about my life. Could I really tell this lady no and mean it? The euphoria of a few moments ago fled before the sadness that is my life.

It took me a moment to collect my thoughts before I could reply. “You need to know something before we go any further with this decision. “I am not what I seem to be. I am something more and less than what I look like” I stated. “I was not born into the life you see. In fact, I have lived as you see me for just under a year” I continued. She watched me with a growing realization in her eyes. I waited a moment then went on “I was named Bill at birth. I took the name of Belle when I changed my life. That was just under a year ago”. I went on to outline my life for her in all its ups and downs. After it was over I stood drained of every ounce of energy I had (again). She did not reply just sat looking at me. Could this be the end of my time here or the starting of something truly strange?

We remained this way for several moments before I could not stand it any longer. I turned back from the window and looked at her. She was sitting with an amused look on her face. This was not what I expected to happen. Was she amused by my life? This would not be good! She stood and crossed the room to where I stood. I was afraid of what she would say. She took my hand and drew me to the other side of the room to a large bookcase. She pulled down a large book and opened it to the back cover. From under the paper glued to the inside she pulled a drawing. This drawing was of a young boy in old fashion clothing. “This is a drawing of my grandmother, your great aunt, when he was young” she quipped. I was stunned. This could be a drawing of me before I changed. What was happening here? I looked at her and asked, “Do you mean she was like me”? “Yes, in so many ways it scary” she said. What could this mean? I had no idea of what to do next. She put the drawing away and closed the book. “I think I was right, you are the right one to follow in my footsteps and hers” she said. “I think you should read this”, she said while putting the book in my hands. “We will talk after you have read it” she quipped. She walked out of the room leaving me with only the book for answers.

Chapter 4

The Line

My grandmother’s book was not thick and it only took me one night to read it all (a Long Night). I was not sure what I would find in those pages, but the parallels described startled me to say the least (two lives, one story). Our lives were not a point-to-point match as such, but the pains and triumphs were the same. It could have been me writing these lines if I wrote better. The feelings were so close I could not help, but cry for her and myself. I found that our line had always had “middle of the road people” as they were called in the book. Men and sometimes women who crossed the gender line to help loved ones without thought to themselves. Few knew about them sometime not even the ones they helped, but they lived their lives giving and sometimes dieing doing what they needed to do. I may have started this on my own, but now I knew I was living up to a family tradition strange as it is.

This gave me a lot to think on. History was repeating itself in many ways. Do I follow the path laid out for me in this book or do I try to change my fate, if you believe in fate? What would this mean for Jenny, Rose, James (Rose’s Baby) and even Nancy? Was this to change all of our lives? I needed to talk to Rose (as always)!

It was about noon when I found her high on the parapet over looking the sea. She was wearing a light green dress that flowed gently with the breeze. The sun glinted off her hair making me think of morning dew on the grass at home. She was beyond gorgeous to say the least. This place suited her and me, I think. I just watched her for a few moments (lifetimes). This was a sight to take to heart and remember always (get on with it). As I walked over to her I noticed a book in her hands, I guess I was not the only one reading today.

“Nice place you picked to read Rose” I quipped walking up to her. She smiled and replied “A light place for dark reading”. This made me wonder as we chatted. After a while I came to the point and told her what the queen said. This was not a surprise to her. She too had talked to the queen. She had gone to the queen when I had locked myself in my room with the book. The queen gave her the book she was holding to explain her decision. When I asked what the book was she said it was a diary of my grandmother's lover. That floored me (I sure get floored a lot).

That is when something popped into my mind that caused me to grin. Was her lover a man or woman (or both)? Rose seemed to read my thoughts. Her smile told me she would not tell me what was in her book (ouch). Well, I let it go. With how close my grandmother’s and my story was I believed I knew. That she was reading that book gave me hope that she would one day be my lover. I will take that type of hope from anywhere I can.
She looked outward across the island but I could tell she was not seeing any of it. I let her think for a while trusting she would tell me what she thought I should do when she was ready (I Hoped). To my surprise she turned to me and told me I would have to decide this on my own. I did not know what to say. Our relationship up to this point had been she would help when I came to her. What was I going to do now? This was something that touched all of our lives in a big way! Now it was all on me. How was I going to decide for all of us?

I needed to think on this for a while. I had just turned to walk away when she joked, “you wanted to be royal”. Was she laughing at the choice or me? This was not turning out to be a good day at all. I decided to go down to the nursery to be with Jenny, she always settled my thoughts. On the way down I ran into Shirley, the ladies maid the Queen lent me. She seemed quite miffed. When I asked she told me the other servants were being cruel to her. This I did not like! When I asked her why she blushed, but would not say. I knew at that point what it was about. I told her to take me to the one’s who were taunting her. I was mad and was not hiding it in the least. I will not go into what happened next, lets just say I made myself very clear about what I thought of their actions. As I turned I glanced at her and there was pride and tears in her eyes. At that moment I knew what I must do. I had been thinking of the cost to my friends if I took the queens offer, I should have been thinking of how it would affect the island. I had to do what would do the most good for the most people. So I went looking for the queen.

You might think that I was being big headed in thinking I would be a good ruler for these people, but I knew at least I would try to think of everyone. My mind was made up but I needed more information from the queen before I voiced my thoughts. Maybe this would be good thing. It’s not like I would have to take over right away (I hoped).

I walked into the throne room feeling quite good about the whole thing when I got the shock of my life. Who was standing there talking to the queen but my dear old mom! Well, I wanted to run away as fast as this dress would let me (run, run fast). For some reason I just stood there and watched as they chatted (freaky). What was I thinking this could not be a good thing at all? How did she get here? Did she know I was here? What would happen next? I was sure she would through a fit at how I left home
without telling her! My mind raced at the horror that was coming about. Well, I guess I should make my entrance or run like hell. She was just my Mother after all. I kept telling myself that as I approached the throne.

She had her back to me so did not see me enter. The Queen did but continued without acknowledgement. This gave me a moment to find out what she wanted. It was at that point that mother dear asked “Do you know where my run-away daughter is?” Her tone was one I had heard many times before, just before she lowered the boom on someone. That stopped all thoughts of flight. I straitened my dress and tapped her on the shoulder. To say the least she jumped quite high. That got a smile out of the Queen. My mother turned to me with a look of stunned surprise. The look I gave her was NOT one of being cowed. I was angry and was not going to take it any more. This was the showdown I had waited my whole life for. "Hello mother I see you got out of the hospital" I said. Not much of a opening but I had to start somewhere. "I did not run away I moved on with my life!" She looked me up and down. I could see her venom start to boil. I did not let her start. I let her have it. I won't write what was said here for it was too harsh for most readers. It was finally ended by the Queen. With a single word She ended the hostilities for now. The undeniable force of command in her word, "Silence", shut us both down instantly.
I straitened my dress and stepped back. I realized that this was not the place to have this battle. I went with my gut on what to do next. I turned to the Queen and curtsied. It was time to withdraw and regroup with Rose to plan my next move. I did not even look at my mother. It was not the time to tell the Queen what I decided about Her offer. All I wanted was to get out of there but the Queen had me pinned to the spot with her eyes.

Turning 16

chapter 5

Decisions (Sorry this is so short)(this is a unedited version so please be kind)

The Queens eyes kept me rooted to the spot. I knew what she wanted it was only I did not want to say it in front of my mother. Those eyes told me to speak now. I drew a deep breath and spoke "I have decided to take you up on your offer." There I said it. "I will follow you on the Throne." I Quipped. My mother gasped at that statement. I guess I made a hit with that one. The Queen beamed and said "Thank you for telling me, You may go." At that I withdrew. My mind was racing I needed Jenny and Rose.

So many decisions need to be made. Where do we live here or back at the house? If I do stay will Rose want to? What of Jenny would it be good for her to grow up here? My head was spinning with all this and more as I headed for the nursery to spend time with Jenny and think. That is where I found Rose. She had given Nancy the afternoon off so was looking after the kids. Another question popped into my head. What of Nancy if we stay here will he ever get back to pants?

Uh, Too many questions! I picked up Jenny the center stone of my life. Holding her calmed my swirling thoughts and for the moment I had peace. Rose let me have my moment then spoke "Well tell me about it?" After some thought, I told her about it all culminating with my words to the Queen. She was not surprised that I took the Queen up on her offer. She pointed out that we needed more information before answering any of my questions. With my mother here that would be difficult. She is sure to try to take over. What I needed to do was to get the Queen alone and learn more about what she expected of me. My mother is one obstacle I hope I will not need to tackle soon. With her in the castle I can’t avoid her for long but maybe long enough to get some answers.

Jenny giggled as I held her. She is such a happy child and I will do anything to keep it that way. I spent some time centering myself then placed Jenny back in the crib. It was time to find information. I nodded to Rose and headed out to find the Queen. What a vacation this is turning out to be. Well eleven days left till all needs to be decided.

The first stop is the Throne room. No joy there she was not there. Wandering the halls would do no good so I headed to the Royal apartments. Hopefully this would not take long I can’t duck my mother forever. The apartments were not that hard to find. I was not up on the customs of visiting a Queen in her rooms so I hope I was not breaking too many rules doing this. I strode up to the door and knocked. After a short pause the door opened to reveal a maid. “Yes may help you?” she said. Well in for a penny… I said “If the Queen is in I would like a private word with her if possible.” “One moment I will see if she is free.” She turned closing the door as she did. I am sure I am breaking so many rules right now so I hope this works.

Quite a wile later the door opened again and the maid gestured me to enter. I walked in to a sitting room of a woman of very good taste. All earth tones and soft colors making a really peaceful feel to the room. The Queen was seated in a overstuffed chair watching my every move with a small smile on her lips. I curtsied and she nodded her head. I took this as permission to talk. “I am sorry to disturb you your majesty I have a few questions only you can answer if you will?” Not a bad way to start I thought. She motioned to a chair and said “Ask”. For the next two hours she and I talked about what both of us wanted. I learned a lot finding till I was needed I was free to do as I pleased. This left me no better off than before with my questions. Well I knew what I could do just not what I would do. I also found out that this kingdom passed down along the female line so it was she that really had the power here not the King. The last thing she did before I left was place a ring upon my finger. I knew what this symbolized so it did not need to be said.

I walked back to the nursery slowly thinking of all I learned. It all came down to what I wanted to do? Life was open for now. I needed a direction to put a point to my life. Well let’s look at things. The first priority is giving Jenny a good life, after that my life then Rose and even Nancy comes into the mix. How many sixteen year old need to make these choices? After reading my Grandmothers book I am sure I know what she would do but I am not her what should I do?

Of course when I was deep in thought is when I ran into my mother. It was at the nursery door we ran into each other. First thing that popped into my mind was that she was going to try to take Jenny from me! Not going to happen! Second thing that popped into my mind was that I was a higher rank here on the Island so if she tried I'll have her escorted off the Island. Game, Set, Match I win! Don't you just love high rank. I decided to stop her right there I did not want Jenny to see us fight and start crying. "Before we go in I want to know your intentions" I stated blocking the door. Out of the corner of my eye I seen two guards coming this way. "I am going to take my granddaughter away from this mad house and there is nothing you can do about it." She snarled. "That's where you are wrong you see this ring with it goes abilities and rights you are not taking into account." I smiled as I said this. I called to the guards. I looked at her "Get my drift? This is a fight you can not win!" Mother backed down at that point and turned to stalk off. "That lady threatened my child please see that she leaves!" I said to the guards. The guards faces turned from friendly to hard when I said that. They saluted then hurried after my mother. Mother was not having a good day!

I opened the door to the nursery and walked into it. Jenny was asleep so I decided to let her sleep and sat in a chair to rest. Rose looked at me "What was going on outside the door?" she said. I grinned and quipped "Mother was having a bad day". She looked at me so I told her everything. She sat back and thought for a bit. "That answers one thing we can't leave the island now. We leave and she will make trouble and try to take Jenny." I had to admit she was right my mother would do that. "I can only think of two problems right off hand. Where would I get my hormones and in one and half years the surgery? I would need to go to the mainland for that." I told her. "We can work something out. How much do you got in the rooms or at home?" she asked. "Three weeks here two months at home I think." I answered. "We get that and we have some breathing room. We can send Nancy for that she does not know him." She planned. We pondered and planed for an hour or so then a massage arrived asking me and Rose to go to the throne room. We did not trust this so took the kids with us.

The throne room was packed with women. The Queen was on the thrown talking to several women. Well that answers one thing she is involved. I noticed even the guards are women at the moment. As I approached the thrown the Queen dismissed the ladies and watched me. When we got before her we curtsied and waited for her to speak. "Belle tell me who is the mother of this child you hold?" The Queen asked. "If you mean who gave birth to Jenny that would be my sister June. She died just after placing Jenny into my arms and telling me that I was her mother now. So to answer your question I am Jenny's mother." A wave of grief for Junes passing rolled over me but I held fast before the Queen. My mother stepped from the crowd saying "LAIR You stole the baby even as your sister grew cold!" I turned to her and replied "I am doing what June wanted me to do. You would not know what was happening you were too wrapped up in yourself! I am surprised they let you out of the hospital the way you were going on. I am her legal mother and you know it! I did not ask for this but it happened and I love Jenny." I guess at this point it was up to the Queen who to believe. The Queen sat motionless watching the show. There was one thing that my mother could say that would turn all these women on me I was just hoping she would not go there! I seen the gleam in mothers eye she was going to go there. There was no way this could come good for me. The Queen spoke "We can't know the mind of a dead woman so we will have to ask the child. We can see that she is quite content in Belles arms. Would she be as content in Janice's arms." The Queen came down and held out her arms for Jenny. I placed Jenny in her arms. She walked over to my mother and the closer to her she got the more Jenny squirmed. Till Jenny started to cry as she was placed in my mothers arms. That for all around said that I was Jenny's true mother. The Queen took Jenny back and placed her in my arms. Jenny quit crying and fell asleep quickly. For the Queen and the ladies here this was all that was needed to prove the point. My mother only had one card left to play. Of course the Queen knew my secret but the ladies here did not. Would she play it or walk away? The Queen stood before the throne and declared that Belle Pride was the mother of this child and a true Duchess of the Island! That ended the subject for all but my mother who sulked off to plan her next shot at me.

Jenny and to some degree James (Rose's child) were the hit of the gathering and charmed ever woman there. After the declaration and my mothers withdraw it turned into quite the party. The party went on for a hour and half then we made our excuses and went to our rooms to put down the kids. Nancy was there cleaning up trying not to burst with the tale he had to tell.

(This next part is told from Nancy's point of view.)

I was almost bursting. I needed to tell my sister what happened today. Rose will just smile and be happy for me I hope. Looking like this I never would have ever thought to find love. I guess when it is time it is time. I am so happy. I wish they would get here.

Their back now I can tell Rose. "Rose, Rose I have to tell you what happened today!" I practically ran her over to get to her. "Calm down, let me put James down then we can talk." Rose said. I heard her mutter "sometime I think I have to kids." I tried to calm down but it was very hard! I straitened my dress, the dress that got me noticed oh happy. It only took Rose a few moments to put James down and say good night to Belle but it seemed soooo much longer.

continued next time Comments always welcome!

(This part told from Nancy's point of view)

I danced around waiting for Rose to get seated so I could tell her my news. I could not stand still and I could see it was making Rose not happy. She always wanted me to play the perfect maid and nanny always so reserved and proper. I just could not bring myself to do that right now. She finally indicated that she was ready to listen to my tale.

Here goes "It started easy as I was looking after the babies as always. I was kind of down but not to bad. Rose came in and gave me the afternoon off. That picked up my spirits a bit. When she gave me some money to look around the market made me even happier. This was the first time I had got to leave the nursery for some time. I had heard of the wonders market that was the hit of the castle but had never been. It did not take long to make my way there. The other servants had told me all about getting around the castle the easy way. At the edge of the market I stopped to straiten my dress before entering the fray. I had been told how to avoid the traps of the merchants so was confident that I would make a good showing today. I kept to the edges of the market the center was for the nobles. Talking with the other servants made me wary of straying in too far. I was looking at some hand made toys thinking they would make James and Jenny happy and my job easier when I felt a pair of eyes on me. I looked around and found it was the merchant from the next booth that was staring at me. At first I thought it was a man but looking closer it was a woman dressed man-like. I am used to being stared at but this was different. I decided to go over and look at her booth so I could find out why she was staring."

I paused at this point in the story to let Rose comment if she wished. She told me to go on. "I glided up to the stall. It held a ton of dresses of all kinds. The merchant looked me over and asked what part of the Island I was from because she was not able to pin down where from my dress like everyone else? I said I was a traveling nanny for a noble. I thought I should not give away too much. She smiled and asked if I was from the outlands? She heard that they dressed more formal out there. This merchant was good she was trying to pin me down. This could be fun. We travel a lot and I find the more formal styles fit everywhere. This is a dance I knew. This was fun. But why with her? We danced with words back and forth never giving too much. This was how the game was played. My last few lovers did not have this so did not last long. This was what I was looking for the dance. The last few years I had been getting more and more dissatisfied with the gay lifestyle. Maybe what I needed was a Manish Woman."

Some how she got me to try on several dresses. They fit perfectly and flattered me well. She took a long late lunch and showed me the market. Some where along the line I fell for this woman surprising me no end. There it was I was in love. Here I was a man dressed as a woman in love with a woman dressed as a man. Lar was a wonder she could tell many things just by the way people dressed. Yes she knew about me. She said it was a bold choice and one she could respect. Maybe this is the love I have been searching for. We talked about sex and how we were both just going through the motions before but maybe this time it could be real. Yes I did eventually reveal that I worked for two Duchesses. She was impressed. We spent the afternoon together wandering the market. By the end of the day I was in love.

After it was over I headed back to the nursery to see to the kids and tell you Rose
all about it.

(And back to Belle's point of view)

I watched Nancy jump around telling his story. it is the most animated I have ever seen him. To see someone who claims to be a proud gay man dressed like a Maid/Nanny fall head over heels for a masculine dressed woman. Well to each their own. I wont interfere in any way. I have my own worries to see to. My Mother was sulking somewhere wanting to get her hands on Jenny. I got her chased off but I don't think she will stay gone. I have to take action. I needed to see the Queen. Just then the door opened and in walked the Queen with her was several guards. This could be bad.

The Queen said "I hear there was a problem here a little while ago?"

I said "Yes, Your Majesty My Mother tried to take Jenny. I told two guards that and they ran her off. I don't believe she will stay gone or how far she will go. She is crazy they should have never let her out of the hospital."

The Queen said "You mentioned that before tell me more?"

I frowned "The grief for my sisters passing gave her a breakdown that put her in the hospital for many months. By the way she is acting I think they released her too soon. My sister put Jenny in my hands and said you are her mother now. Tell her about me someday. Then she died and my Mother lost it. I was officially listed as Jenny's Mother and I had to see to everything including burying my sister while taking care of a newborn. That is my past, Your Majesty."

She smiled a sad smile. She said "Captain you are to detail two guards to be outside this room when the Duchess has her daughter here. No one enters that is not in this room at this time. If the Duchess takes her daughter out of here you will have two female guards to escort her at all times. Do you under stand Captain?"

The Captain said "Yes Your Majesty! It will be done."

I said nothing just curtsied to her. She nodded and smiled a smile that was hard to read. She said "Tell me do you know your Mother and I knew each other years ago? We went to school together. I was just starting the school when she was just finishing. She was detailed to show me around. She made me feel quite special at that time looked after me almost like a big sister. She has changed so much. I wont forget that time. This is for you to finish."

I smiled a hard smile. "I understand. She may be my Mother but I will let no one take my child from me!" Suddenly my Mother came out of nowhere. I took a half step to put myself in her path. There was a dagger in her hand. I braced myself for her rush. I stepped forward to meet her. I grabbed her arm and pulled as I spun. I kept spinning working up some speed. Then I let go at the right time as she hit the pillar. there was a sound of breaking bones and she slowly slid down till she was sitting on the floor. I took a step towards her. I stopped "Get a healer here quick." I waited there as she slowly bled on the floor.

Her eyes were on me. "You don't deserve that child. You are nothing! I will never stop coming after you! You let me live you will never be rid of me!"

I looked at a guard "Lend me a blade." He held out a dagger. I took the blade and stepped over to her. I placed the tip of the blade on her chest. "Is this what you want me to kill you. After all these years of fighting is this what it comes down to? Well I wont give you what you want. You will live and we will continue to fight till the bitter end." I stood up and returned the dagger to its owner. The healer went to my Mother and started working on her. I looked at the Queen "I will not kill unless absolutely necessary. She may be crazy but I wont kill her. Things have always been bad between her and I. I don't think they will ever be what it should be between a Mother and Daughter. Once she is able to travel I will contact my Uncle and have him take her back to the hospital. Hopefully they will help her this time. If she gets out and is still going after me and Jenny I will deal with it as best as I can."

The Queen smiled "You past the test beyond our hopes." My Uncle John stepped into the room smiling broadly.

The healer stood up. "We need to get her into surgery as soon as we can. I will let you know how it goes. Right now it is touch and go." Off she went with my Mother on a stretcher. I was not sure how I felt about the whole thing. Uncle John put a hand on my shoulder. Jenny started to fuss so I picked her up. She quieted as I held her.

Uncle John looked at me as I settled Jenny down. "I will take your Mother to the hospital as soon as she can travel. I can see they let her out way too early. What are you going to do Duchess?"

I thought a bit. "I am going to finish my vacation then I am going to go home. If your Majesty needs me that is where I will be. Send a message and I will return." I smiled "I made a promise and I will keep it." The Queen and Uncle John left after that.

The next week went well. Rose and I spent most of our time together. The kids were well looked after by us or Nancy. We let Nancy have time off to pursue his love affair. With 3 days left I was told my Mother was shipped back to the mainland hospital for treatment. That she was off the Island made me feel better. That evening the Queen called me to her chambers.

I reached her chambers in a short time. I knocked and the maid showed me right in. The Queen was at a writing desk looking over papers and making notes. I waited quietly for her to notice me. She looked up and smiled. "It has been awhile since I had to deal with mainland law. So I was reviewing the laws that apply to your case. Yes I used to be a lawyer." She smiled "I have made this for you. I think it will be helpful." She handed me a scroll. I unrolled it and it turned out to be a official declaration stating I was a Duchess of this Island and a ambassador to the mainland. "You will just need to show that ring to the gate keeper at the dock and they will let you and up to 4 companions on the boat no charge. If you need a break from the mainland use the ring. It will work as many times as you need it to.

The last days past quickly. Rose and I with the kids headed to the port to catch the boat home. I was not surprised when Nancy decided to stay on the Island to pursue his love affair. I smiled as the boat pulled away from the dock. We were going home. The time on the Island had changed me to the point I was not sure I could fit in to the lovely little town we lived in. Maybe after two years I would head back to the Island for good. I would have had my surgery by then and I would know what I want out of life hopefully.

The boat ride was smooth as we headed for the mainland. I kept to myself and pondered what I was going to do with my life. Rose let me have my piece and stayed to herself. At the end of the journey I still did not have and answers.

The house was just as we left it. Well it should be it has only been a little under 3 weeks. So much as happened in that time, both good and bad. All I want to do is get settled in and find a job to take up my time.

The next day I found out the title of Ambassador was not a joke. The former Ambassador came to see me and brief me on the duties of the office. It was quite the afternoon. He had a girl with him that was from the Island and was in need of my help. She was trained as a classic maid but could not find work. I asked her a few questions then made my mind up. I hired her to be a maid in my house. Considering the salary that my job pays there would be no problem keeping her on staff.

I turned the den into a office and began to see what I could do with this job. I would reach out to the community and see where I can help out. I had a Title and a job lets see where that leads me. Now we need to find a job for Rose something she can do at home. That would set up the household real well. I was going to talk to Rose But she was busy instructing the maid in how we liked things done. So I decided to go for a drive and see some of the town. I had a drivers license and a old car that came with the house. Rose paused when she seen me so I took the chance to tell her I was going for a drive and ask her to look in on Jenny. I will be back before dinner time.

I pulled out the car and got ready for my drive. Just then a police car pulled up. The cop that got out was a fairly nice looking woman. She looked at me then at a clipboard then back at me. She was making me curious. She walked over to me "Hello You would be the Duchess would you not?" She was smiling so I took it as nothing bad.

I smiled "That would be me, what can I do for you?" I sized her up and thought she would be public relations or something like that.

"I am Officer Jill O'mally I just came out to check on the report we have a new Ambassador from the Island here. Would that be you? You seem sort of young." The cop just looked me up and down.

"That would be me, yes. I am Belle Pride, Duchess of the Island and Ambassador to the mainland. Yes I am young but I will do then Job as needed. I have been briefed by the former Ambassador as to what to expect on this job. He did not mention that the local police were involved. I am happy to work with the local authorities in any way needed.

She smiled "I am the public relations officer for this town so I am the one you will be dealing with if you need anything." She hand me a card with her name and extension on it. "I work most days so you should have no problem getting a hold of me. Well I got to get back nice to meet you Duchess." She turned and walked away.

I went back to looking over the car before my drive. The car was an old Cadillac convertible. I put the top down and cleaned the car out. I first drove down to the car wash. I put the top back up and ran it through the full cleaning. It cost a little extra but I had it hand buffed at the end. I looked it over and found it looked real nice.

I drove around with the top down checking out how the town was doing. Finally I decided to head home. I was in a good mood for a change. I drove up and there was two cars there, one was a police car. I got out and looked at the cop leaning on his car. Two men heading for the door stopped when I pulled up. This was going to be fun, Not. I got out and put up the top taking my time. I turned as one of the men came my way. I noticed that there was a flag near the door like the flag that the Queen used.

The man was angry "I demand you turn over that girl right now! I will not have that Person go unpunished!"

I sized up the man and decided to play it hard. "You are on Island territory now I suggest You calm yourself! First, who are you? Second, what are you talking about? Third, you will conduct yourself as is proper for a man of your years or I will have you thrown off my property." He was taken aback by this. I stared him down.

I smiled "Now shall we start again. I am the Duchess Belle Pride and you are?"

The other man walked up "I will answer while he gets his foot out of his mouth. My name is Joe Brown this is my brother Sam. We are here to have the maid arrested for theft. She stole a very important ring from Sam's house. If she returns the ring and leaves the area we will forgo the arrest." This guy is slick.

"I will investigate this matter and if it is true I will take action." I stated my position well I thought. I turned to go in the house.

Sam grabbed my arm. "We are not done yet!" I looked at his hand.

"You sir are creating an international incident if you do not remove your hand in 3 seconds you will be declaring war." 20 knights trooped from the side of the house to line up ready for orders. I was still looking at his hand. He removed it. I turned to the two of them "Let me make myself clear. I will look into this matter and will get back to you! You will leave your contact information and I will see that you are informed of my findings. You will leave now and I will not charge you with crimes. This is not a bluff." I turned to the head knight "Captain if they are not off the property in the count of 25 take them into custody."

The Captain said "Yes your Grace" Then started to count slowly. The brown brothers left as did the cop. The whole thing soured my good mood.

"Return to your normal duties captain." He nodded and the knights trooped off. I headed into the house. A maid I had never seen before took my coat.

Rose came out smiling. "That was quite the show out there. Do you think it will be trouble?" I nodded and was looking at the new maid. "That is Joan she and her sister Joanna are a gift from the Queen. The knights and flags are also from the Queen. It seem our house is an Embassy for the Island. I will be taking the post of chief of staff for this house. It should be an intriguing job at least."

I smiled "We keep getting to it don't we? Well at least we both have jobs. I need to talk to Wilma about a ring."

Wilma stepped out holding out a ring. "I did not steal it he gave it to me but when he found out I would not let him in my pants He demanded everything he gave me back and fired me. He would not pay me for the work I done and spread rumors around so I could not get work. I will gladly give him back the ring when he pays me what he owes me.

"I will call him and talk this over. I don't think he will be nice about it. I will try to resolve it as best I can. You just give me the ring and I will see what I can do. I looked at the ring and thought 'that is one big diamond'. "Go back to work now Wilma." This is going to take some tact to get through this one. I went into the nursery to look in on Jenny. I picked her up and played with her for a while to calm myself. Jenny always calms me down and makes me happy.

Rose stepped in "What you going to do about the Brown Brothers?"

I frowned "I am going to see if they own up to the problem. Then I will go from there. If they do we will meet and exchange the items and it will be all over. If not things get sticky. I am not sure what I will do then. What are we doing with the knights?"

"They are converting the old barn into a bunk house. It should hold them all. They will protect the land and house."

Joan the maid stepped in "Miss there is a rather official looking man from the state government to see you."

"Put him in the parlor I will be there in a moment Joan." I turned to Rose "Seem duty calls. Till later my friend." I put Jenny down and headed for the parlor.