Trashy Trisha
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Trashy Trisha
So this guy walks into this bar...
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'So this guy walks into this bar…’
By Trashy Trisha
Author’s Note: My apologies to all but I couldn’t resist!!!
So this gentleman walks into a cabaret. He’s gorgeous and extremely well dressed. He literally reeks of money. Walking over to the bar, he looks around at the surroundings. Everywhere his eyes travel he sees beautiful T.V.’s, T.S’s, C.D.’s, and D.V.D.’s. The barman walks over to him and asks if he’d like a drink.
“Sure. In fact, I’d like to buy all of these lovely ladies a drink as well.”
A thunderous chorus of ‘thank you’s rang out and air kisses abounded as if it might have been L.A. or even Encino. This story, in fact, takes place in a wondrous mystical city of Detroit. So the barman proceeds to pour all the ladies a drink to their tastes. As soon as they are all set up, AND before he can propose a toast of sorts, a little person (dwarf, midget, and shrimpy are politically not correct and I certainly wouldn’t want to offend) appears from out of thin air, runs up and down the bar, and knocks every single drink over!
“Don’t worry about him. Set them all up again!”
The barman looks at the gentlman for a moment eyeing his clothes, his extremely meticulous grooming and decides to do as asked. He begins to set the drinks all up again. BUT!!! The moment he does so, the little person appears again and once again knocks them all down.
“Don’t worry about him.” The gentleman says with a smile. “Set them all up again.”
The barman now eyes the gentleman quite suspiciously.
“Listen!” He said with some small degree of anger. “I don’t mind doing this all night but who’s going to pay for all of this?”
“Have no fear!” The gentleman laughs.
The gentleman pulls a HUGE wad of hundred dollar bills out of his pocket (the ‘ladies’ simply thought he was glad to see them) and peels off twenty of them. The barman’s eyes light up with glee as he removes them and once again begins pouring out the drinks.
The moment he’s finished, AND, much to the chagrin of all present, the wicked little person (and this is NOT to imply that ALL little people are wicked) appears and runs along the bar knocking over every single drink!
Well, the barman had more than enough. Quite angrily he throws down his bar towel and asks in a loud gruff voice:
“Okay, that’s it! I’ve had it! What is the story! What the hell is going on with this little person?”
“Well, I was walking along the beach one day and I found this brass oil lamp at the water’s edge. I tried to clean it up a bit when suddenly a genie appeared. The genie said that I would be granted three wishes because I freed him from his brass prison. My first wish was unlimited wealth and ‘poof’; I was rich.”
“Okay, so what was the second wish?”
“I said that I wanted to be surrounded with very salty Bettys (great looking ladies). Now, aren’t these ‘ladies’ all gorgeous?”
The barman looked along the bar as the ladies glared back at him quite intently. The barman, looking at them and thinking of his pocket, had little choice but to agree.
“Yeah, I guess you got that one.”
“Wait!!!” He said turning to the blond on his left. “What is your name dear?”
“My name is Bess.” She answered very demurely. He turned to his right and asked the same question of the beautiful brunette.
“Oh, my name is Liz.” She said with a coy smile, eyes down cast. The gentleman again inquired the name of the woman standing directly behind him.
“My name is Elsie.” She spoke with a throatiness that smoldered and a smile that blinded.
“And you?” He pointed to the red head next to Liz.
“Beth.” She responded breathlessly. Turning back the other way he pointed to another blond.
“Oh, my name is Ramona.” Wouldn’t you know it! There’s one in every group!
As the gentleman pointed to his left and his right, all the lovely respondents gave their names and, except for Rrrramona, all the names were variants of Elizabeth! Betty is also a variant of Elizabeth! Explaining this to the barman, the gentleman then said;
“Wait! This gets better!” He rolled up his sleeve. “Lick my arm.”
The barman looked at him quite askance.
“No way! That’s very gay!”
There suddenly was dead silence in the entire cabaret. Everyone glared at the barman and one could feel the animosity begin to arise. But the gentleman kept his cool.
“To paraphrase Rene Voltaire; once experimentation, twice pervesion.” And he held his wrist out again.
The barman, mulling over what the gentleman said, and thinking of his gratuity bucket, licked the gentleman’s wrist.
“What do you taste?” Inquired the gentleman eagerly.
“Nothing.” Replied the barman.
“Now lick Bess’s wrist.” The barman licked her wrist.
“What do you taste?”
“Salt?” The barman’s eyes bulged as he licked his lips.
“And taste Liz.” The barman complied.
“I would prefer that a bit lower dear.” Liz said with a wicked smile.
“Salt again!” The barman was quite surprised.
“Indeed! They all will taste like that.” The gentleman thought for a moment. “Except maybe Ramona. There is one in every group you know.”
“So you got your second wish. What was you third wish?”
“Well, I asked for a twelve inch prick!” The little person appeared on the gentleman’s shoulder. “And here he is!”
The Girl Within
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The Girl Within
By Trashy Trisha
Peter was the other half of fraternal twins. His sister, Loreen, was only several minutes older. When people saw them together, they knew from a strong physical resemblance that they were indeed brother and sister, but not necessarily twins.
They did share many physical characteristics as well as mannerisms. Indeed they often dressed in a similar mode of fashion. They also had many common likes and dislikes. But most of all, they were as close as brother and sister could possible be.
Each knew exactly, as if by mind reading, what the other wanted as a gift come holiday or birthday. Very often these expressions of sibling love took the form of clothing or accessories. It was not unusual for Peter to model a jacket and trouser set that Loreen desired to give her an idea of what it might like on her. Loreen often did the same for her beloved brother.
Peter seemed to be born with the same shopping chromosome as his sister and the two of them could spend a day at the mall going from shop to shop trying on different things. People, especially the other kids at school, didn’t quite know what to make of the two. They often thought of them as being ‘interchangeable’ and even though they had different facial features, those who didn’t know them well would often confuse their names.
Sometimes Loren would dress up as Peter, comb her long auburn hair straight back, and forsake her make up. Peter would then dress in her clothes and, with Loreen’s help, make up his face and style his long auburn hair in a manner befitting his outfit. They would then often walk the short distance into town and, after stopping in town to gather a picnic lunch, they would proceed onward to the Dark Forest.
The Dark Forest was a very forbidding place. Thickets had overgrown most to the ground near the tall steal and wire fence that separated it from the rest of the area. The trees were quite tall and little light reached the forest floor. There were stories, more like legends really, about children who had wandered into the forest and were never seen again.
But to Peter and Loreen, the forest represented a refuge from the people of the town. Deep in the woods they could find the real children within themselves and not have to come under the scrutiny, or verbal abuse, of their peers. Peter could become Petra and Loreen was suddenly Larry.
The children had long ago found a breech in the fence they could slip through. Immediately they became friendly with the small creatures they encountered. Brings fruit and nuts to their little friends, Petra and Larry were often met near the breech by the squirrels, chipmunks, birds and assorted rodents. Petra would give the more brazen little feeders pet names.
Petra was the princess of the forest. Once she had befriended the small creature, the larger ones soon followed. Larry, in his boyish ways, was somewhat bored with feeding and petting the deer and wild pigs. He would rather explore new parts of the forest and climb another new tree that called out to be conquered.
But Petra was a special girl and she could speak to the animals. She would tell them of her life in the world beyond the fence and they, in turn, would tell her of theirs. A big old owl, who Petra named Wily because of his vast wisdom of the forest, told her of one creature she had yet to meet; the ogre.
“You must take heed and be very careful with him. The ogre has a nasty temper and doesn’t really seem to like any of us. He considers this whole forest to be his very own.”
“But Wily, if we all are so much smaller than him, why does he fear us?”
Wily looked at her with his huge golden eyes. He rotated his head, as was his habit, before he spoke.
“I didn’t say he was afraid of us. I said he doesn’t like us and when he can catch one of us, he feeds!”
Petra smiled calmly and rolled her eyes as she thought of the proper response to her very critical friend.
“Oh Wily…” She bent at the waist a bit and wagged her pink nailed finger at the old owl. “I bet that if I met this mean ogre, and had a chance to speak even for a moment or two, I would change his mind about his neighbors.”
The wise old owl hooted twice. Petra replied twice.
“Me…me!!!” She giggled and went on her way trailing after her brother.
One day, while exploring a part of the forest Petra and Larry had never seen, they discovered a steep hill with a huge wood planked door in its side. Along side the door were two windowed openings. Petra had informed Larry of the existence of the ogre and it suddenly occurred to her that this might be his home.
“WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE!!!”
“Eeeeeeeekkkkkkkk!!!”
The loud and sudden shout scared Petra who promptly ran behind her brother and peered over his shoulder. Larry, with his boyish instincts, picked up a bare fallen tree limb and held it in a threatening manner.
“You leave us alone or I’ll smack you over the head!”
The ogre appeared from behind a tree and stood with his hands on his hips. He was huge, to say the least. His skin was green and he had a huge ugly face. His teeth were crooked and Petra could smell his awful odor from where she stood.
“Wait a minute Larry.”
Petra stepped out from behind her brother and faced the ogre. She was so very nervous, especially after what Wily told her. But she felt that a little kindness would go much further than trying to fight someone that big. She blinked her eyes several times and then spoke.
“We only came here to visit with our friends who live here. We come to this forest because we can be the people we really are. We mean you no harm.”
“What do you mean by ‘the people you really are’?”
“Well, when I leave this forest, I turn back into a boy and my brother, Larry, becomes a girl again.”
She walked a few steps closer to the ogre and continued speaking calmly.
“You see…there is a girl inside me that wants to come out and we come here so she can be free. You know, away from the town’s people. Loreen, my sister, has a boy deep within her and becomes Larry when we come here.”
“I hate the people on the other side of the fence. They once use to chase me and harass me because I was different then them. Why should I let you two stay here. I am a bit hungry and should really think about eating the two of you!”
“They also think we are different. That’s why we come here.”
Petra took several more steps toward the ogre. She smiled up at his huge face and was close enough to reach out her hand and touch his arm with her slender fingers. He flinched at first but as she continued to hold onto his arm gently, he eased his stance and felt the softness of her skin against his.
The ogre bent his huge head down and sniffed at Petra.
“You smell good; better than the spring flowers.”
Petra blushed, smiled, and lowered her eyes. She reached into her shoulder bag and retrieved a small bottle of cologne. Pulling off the cap, Petra raised the bottle to the ogre’s nose. The ogre inhaled the scent and for the first time smiled.
“It smells nice.”
“Would you like to try some of it on you?”
The ogre nodded his head. Petra took the opportunity to not only spray once on the ogre’s neck, but also once near each of his arm pits and once on his stomach. She hoped it would be enough to cover up- the horrid smell of someone who probably never bathed in his life.
“Thanks. This really smells nice.”
“You know…it’s most effective after you’ve had a nice warm bath.”
“A what???”
“A bath…” Petra giggled. “You take water and wash yourself clean with it. Haven’t you ever done that?”
The ogre looked down at the ground. He shuffled his feet and looked thoughtful.
“Not for some time. I don’t get many visitors you know.”
The ogre looked up at Petra again. He noticed the beautiful scarf she wore around her neck and shoulders. He reached out and touched the fabric.
“That’s very nice…and so soft.”
Petra removed the scarf and handed it to the ogre. He felt it with both hands and brought it up to his nose and sniffed it.
“This is really beautiful. And it smells like you!”
The ogre laughed and rubbed his face with the scarf.
“It’s called silk. The pattern you see is a ‘Paisley’ design. It’s yours to keep if you would like it.”
The ogre looked at the scarf and then at Petra. Petra could see that this was a bit difficult for him. She gently took the scarf and placed it around the ogre’s neck and shoulders as she had worn it.
“There! It looks even more beautiful on you than on me anyway. You keep it as a token of our friendship, okay?”
The ogre smiled and nodded his head. He sat down on the ground and inspected the ends of the scarf as he continued to raise it to his nose. Petra and Larry sat down with the ogre and they all started to speak to one another. The afternoon pasted too quickly as they learned about the life of the ogre, and he about theirs.
All too soon, the sun began to set and it was time for them to leave the forest. The ogre led them back to the place where the fence’s hole was. Petra looked at the ogre as she bid him a goodbye.
“May Larry and I come to visit you again?”
The ogre smiled and told them that nothing would make him happier. He held the hole open wider as they slipped back through the fence and into their world. Both children waved at the ogre as they began their walk home.
And so the children began to visit with their new friend twice a week. The ogre expressed his desire to appear more like Petra. He loved her colorful clothes and her cologne. He wanted to be as beautiful as she was. So for each visit Petra and Larry would bring the ogre a piece of women’s clothing.
They would have to haunt the second hand stores in town to find something large enough for the ogre to wear. Petra bought whatever she could find in a size twenty four. She also bought the ogre some cologne and a cosmetic kit that was on sale. The ogre was so enthralled with the twins that he took their suggestion and finally bathed!
Each and every time the children visited the ogre, he became a little more refined; more feminine; more like Petra. And, oddly enough, the children were becoming more and more like their true inner selves. These changes remained with them longer and longer after they went back through the fence.
Petra could barely find the boy within him any more and had to begin wearing bras because she had begun to develop breasts. Larry wound up giving Petra all of his old bras because he found he no longer needed them but he did need the support of jockey shorts!
There was one person in their school who observed this entire adventure occurring. Her name was Heather and she was the school beauty queen. Heather was so popular and in such demand that she carried around her social calendar on her iphone.
However, Heather was not popular with the twins. She was constantly calling Peter awful names and suggesting that he was much less than a normal boy. And with Loreen, she had even less mercy. Heather physically pushed her around and knocked her books out of her arms. There was nothing too mean for Heather to do to embarrass and harass the twins.
Heather took notice of the twins entering the forest one day and she decided to follow them. After climbing through the fence, she walked in the general direction she had observed them taking in the hope of surprising them.
Unfortunately for Heather, she didn’t know exactly where they were headed and she stumbled upon the home of the ogre.
‘Oh my Gawd! Who could possibly live in this pile of dirt?’ Heather had nothing but contempt for anyone who would live in the side of a hill.
“WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT!!!???”
The voice boomed out from behind Heather. She quickly turned and saw the ogre dressed in a blouse and a skirt. His face was made up in the fashion that Petra had shown him. The colors were earthy to try and compliment his green skin. Heather burst out laughing.
“Oh my Gawd! You are a mess. I have never seen anything as ridiculous as you in my life!”
The ogre was shocked that anyone would dare speak to him in such a foul manner. His eyes narrowed and his jaw was firmly set as anger and rage built up within him. ‘This one is nothing like my friend Petra’ he thought.
“Gawd! Where did you get those clothes from? They are so barfy! And who does your make-up, the undertaker?”
Heather went on and on with her insults until the ogre could take no more. He suddenly leaped through the air as he shouted; “YOU SNARKY PSCHO HOSE BITCH!” Before Heather even knew what was happening, the ogre bit her head completely off! He chewed twice and swallowed it. Then he began to rip up the rest of her body and swallowed the pieces; clothing and all.
Shortly after he had finished one of the best meals he had recently, the twins came walking into his clearing. The ogre sat smiling with the glazed look of someone who was totally satisfied with life. Petra smiled at him and waved.
“Oh Ms. O…” Petra had decided some time before to start calling him that when he was dressed. “You look so…gorgeous today. Your hair is so perfectly styled and your outfit is adorable.”
The ogre looked at her and smiled. He knew that from the sound of her voice and the look on her face that she was sincere. Ms. O began to giggle.
“It must be the girl within me.”
The End
The Runner
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By Trashy Trisha
The Runner
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The Runner
By Trashy Trisha
Timmy loved to run. He spent every day after school running. He so badly wanted to join the varsity track team but he was too slow. In fact, he was so slow that he barely qualified for the junior varsity team. He wasn’t quite big and strong enough and his strides weren’t long enough to compete.
Poor Timmy wasn’t very popular with his school mates. His lack of success at sports was the joke of the school. Being a good student didn’t help him either. He was quiet and he kept to himself. He hadn’t been out on a date since sixth grade and he really had no friends.
Timmy was often cornered by other students, boys and girls alike, and mercilessly teased. The boys called him girly and the girls teased him for not being more like a boy. Nearly everyone thought he was gay. The fact that his mother often chose his clothes for the day didn’t help his masculinity image problem. He was often stuck wearing bright colored, or patterned shirts and stylish form fitting pants.
One day Timmy went out to run after school. As was his usual custom, he put on his running shorts, a tee shirt, and his track shoes. The coach was timing people that day and everybody was gathered to see how well they did. Timmy came in last in every event he tried. He had false starts. He tripped on the blocks twice. He managed to knock over every one of the low hurdles and fell flat on his face tripping at the last one.
As he got up and brushed the dirt and gravel from his face and track uniform, he suddenly heard, and then saw everyone pointing and laughing at him. He blushed and started to leave the field. As he pasted other students, boys and girls, he heard the comments they directed toward him. One or two actually shoved him about.
By the time he broke through the crowd of students, poor Timmy was in tears. He began to run toward the gym as someone commented.
“Don’t bother chasing him. You’ll only pass him on the way!”
Timmy burst through the double doors of the gym and headed for the ‘Boys Room’. He had to wash his face and calm himself before he even attempted to change clothes and head for home. Between his beleaguered emotions and the tears clouding his vision, he by chance happened to step into the ‘Girl’s Room’.
The first thing he noticed was the aroma of flowers; obviously the lingering scent of the perfume the girls wore. There was nobody else in the Girl’s Room so he went to the sink and turned on the water. He washed his hands and then his face. His mother had repeatedly instructed him in the proper order; hands and then face.
Suddenly there was a very bright flash of light. It was so bright that Timmy had to cover his eyes. When the light dimmed to a soft golden glow, Timmy uncovered his eyes to see the most amazing sight in his life!
Amidst the golden glow stood a very tall and slender woman with a slender golden scepter in her delicate hands. She was adorned by the most beautiful gown Timmy had ever seen any woman wear. The hem came nearly down to the floor and the sweep was so wide and extended out because of the layers of petty coats beneath. It was made of the finest silk and trimmed with yards of lace. On her feet were the most delicate white ballet slippers.
“W-w-who are you?”
“I am your fairy god mother.”
For the first time Timmy felt brave enough to raise his eyes to hers. She was old; her hair quite white. But she had nary a wrinkle and her features were porcelain white and fine. But what was most amazing was the very fine set of wings she bore that were barely visible in the glow that surrounded her.
Timmy looked into her beautiful blue eyes.
“What is it you want?”
She shook her head several times as if in pity of his simplicity. She smiled at him.
“I only want your happiness. I see you now and you look so sad, so rejected, so very pathetic. What are the things, your deepest desires that would make you happy?”
Timmy giggled at her for a moment and then realized that this was his chance to have his fondest wishes brought to fruition. He looked around and shuffled his feet as he carefully thought. Suddenly he smiled!
“I want to be popular. I want to be fast enough to join the track team. And…” He took a huge breath and let it out. “I want a girl friend!”
He beamed! He was so proud of the fact that he could think so quickly and clearly on his feet. His fairy god mother crossed her arms. Then she put one finger to her chin. Her eyes narrowed and she began to think about Timmy’s requests. Suddenly, eyes still narrowed, she grinned slyly.
She drew back her hand and arm holding her scepter and quickly brought it forward aimed at one of the stalls. A burst of fairy dust flew from the very tip of her scepter and, after striking the partially closed door of the stall, spread out to engulf the entire unit. The stall glittered with tiny bursts of light and appeared to glow.
Timmy was amazed at what he’d just seen. His mouth hung open as wide as his eyes. His fairy god mother turned to him with a smile.
“Okay Timmy. You only need to enter the stall and sit on the seat. All of your desires and dreams and needs will be answered.”
Timmy stared at her in disbelief. Then he looked at the still glowing stall. He didn’t know what to do.
“If you don’t hurry, the dust will dissipate and it will be too late.”
His fairy god mother’s brow furrowed and her sweet voice had the edge of concern in it. Timmy slowly went to the stall and entered. He closed and locked the door behind him. Suddenly he felt the urge to pee. He pulled down his track shorts, his boxers, and then sat down on the seat.
Timmy leaned forward a bit and began to pass his water. After it stopped, he felt something else leaking from his crotch. He took a bit of toilet tissue to wipe whatever was dripping. When he gazed at the paper his heart nearly exploded in horror. It was blood!
“Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!! What’s happened to me!!!”
Timmy’s shout was deafening and extremely high pitched; even for him.
“I’m bleeding!!! Help me!!!”
Suddenly, as he stood up quickly, he felt something on his chest jiggle! He lifted his tee shirt up and screamed again!
“Oh my God!!! I’ve got titZ.”
Timmy felt like he was going to pass out from the shock of it all. He continued to leak blood on the floor so he sat back down on the seat. He grabbed a handful of toilet tissue and wadded it up. Timmy then jammed it high up into his crotch to stop the blood and got another massive shock.
“What happened to my dick???!!!”
He could hear his fairy god mother giggling on the other side of the door.
“The answer was so very simply dear. You needed a gender change. You were not very good as a boy anyway and this will solve all of your problems. The entire world will now know you as Tammy. Even your mother will have only memories of the beautiful daughter she gave birth to. Only you will know that you were truly born a boy.”
Tammy was so shocked at what she heard that she couldn’t even cry.
“Bbbbut…but…but…”
“There are no ‘buts’ dear. It’s now up to you to find the girl hidden deep within you. Trust me…the first time you go shopping to get your wardrobe in order, all will become clear. We have a special chromosome for it.” Tammy’s fairy god mother giggled. “This is what you were truly meant to be.”
And with that said, there was a bright flash of light and Tammy’s fairy god mother disappeared. Tammy sat stunned on the seat of the toilet. Whatever was she going to do? She shook her head and felt her now long chestnut colored hair strike her cheeks.
Suddenly Tammy heard girls begin to enter. They chattered away and laughed and joked with each other. The bathroom began to crowd up as girls left the athletic field. Then Tammy heard the one thing that struck fear into her heart of hearts.
“Tammy? Are you in here?” One of the girls was calling to her. “Tammy, I see your feet. What’s wrong?”
Tammy didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t answer because she wasn’t sure who was calling to her and she certainly couldn’t say why she was hiding in the stall. Suddenly she saw a set of fingers on top of the door and then slowly a face began to appear. It was Heather, the most gorgeous and stuck up girl in the school.
“What’s wrong sweetie? You were crying?”
Heather seemed to be genuinely concerned. Tammy had to decide quickly what to say. He had heard his mother talking to a friend about it…the BIG “IT”. Tammy mustered all the courage she had and finally answered Heather’s concerned look.
“It came early.”
Heather made a face.
“Eeeewwwwwwwwww. You have a mess?”
“Yeah.”
“Wait there. I’ll be right back.”
The face and hands disappeared from site. Tammy thought that she might be able to pull this off, if she was careful. Suddenly a beautiful manicured hand appeared beneath the door holding a fresh pair of panties and a sanitary napkin.
“Here sweetie. The panties are clean.”
Tammy took hold of the panties and napkin.
“Thanks Heather.”
“No problem. It happens. Better early than not at all I say.”
Heather giggled.
“Oh…by the way…congrats! You finally made the team. It’s about time. I know how hard you’ve been trying. See you later baby.”
‘I made the team? The girl’s track team? Oh my God!’ Tammy couldn’t believe it. She worked up the courage to get off the seat and change out of her boxers and shorts and into the panties. Tammy loved the soft smoothness of the material and how well they seemed to fit her. She and Heather were nearly the same height.
Tammy flushed the toilet and opened the door to be met be a number of girls. They all congratulated her on making the team.
“You are coming over to my house later, right?”
“No! She’s coming over to study with me.”
“Hey, I though you are Jillie and me were going to the mall!’
Tammy couldn’t believe that these girls, who once ignored and teased her, were actually close to fighting for her company! ‘How quickly things can change’, Tammy thought. Suddenly a booming voice could be heard; loud enough for those even outside the locker room to hear.
“Hey! Where’s my girl?!”
‘Oh fuck!’ thought Tammy. It was Martina. Martina insisted on being called Marty, with the ‘Y’. Marty was the biggest, tallest, and most intimidating girl in the school; maybe even the entire town. She threw the shot-put, the discus, the javelin, and anybody who didn’t call her Marty. Tammy was terrified!
“There’s my girl! Damned! You look adorable even when you’re all sweaty. In fact, that’s kind of hot!”
Marty made her way towards Tammy pushing and shoving the other girls out of her way. Marty was really kind of cute and did everything she could to defeat her cuteness. It didn’t totally work. Even with her buzz cut hair, her big build, her broad and callused hands, she had beautiful eyes and very soft feminine features.
“I am so proud of you! You worked so hard and you finally made the team.”
Marty strode right up to Tammy and embraced her as she spoke. The she bent her head down and kissed Tammy on the mouth. She even licked her lips and squeezed her butt cheeks.
“I have a special surprise for my star runner. I just bought a new power tool for my strap on and I can’t wait to try this virgin out on my special girl virgin!”
Tammy shook and quivered in fear and shock! She felt all of these new experiences and emotions well up in her. She was totally at a loss and didn’t know what to do. Then the words of her fairy god mother rang in her ears. ‘Now it’s up to you to find the girl hidden deep inside of you.’ Tammy did the only thing that came to mind.
“MOMMY!!!!!”
The End
The Runner Part 2
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The Runner Part 2
By Trashy Trisha
The first year of Tammy’s gender change proved to be most challenging. After all, finding her inner girl was not exactly on her original wish list. But, with the help of her mother, who always wanted a daughter before the change of reality, Tammy slowly but surely became the image of femininity for her entire town!
However, somewhere along the line, she decided that her standard of girlishness was how everyone else was measured. And, on top of this new higher standard of measure, her rapid change brought about distinct personality quirks comparable to those suffered by victims of PTSD.
At the drop of a scarf she would become irritable, snarky, bitchy, catty, and prone to hormonally fuelled hissy fits of monstrous proportions. Of course it could have been the monstrous amounts of girlish hormones her body was producing. Or it may have been the complete reversal of the world she once lived in. Most liked to think that it really could be chalked up to the enormous power tool attachments her lover, Marty, used on her, and the accompanying massive, live changing, multiple orgasms they produced.
As the end of Tammy’s first year of discovering the girl within approaches, we find our heroine in the midst of another one of her all too frequent hissy fits. This particular rant was being directed at her mother, who she now referred to as Glenda, hey you, and hey stupid.
“I don’t belief you could be so stupid! Look at how you’re dressed! Nothing matches and everything you have on looks as though it comes from the Red Cross rejects pile.”
Tammy’s mom simply looked at her daughter with a wide eyed and stunned expression.
“But sweet heart, you know I spend all the extra money on you so that you can look your prettiest.”
Tammy placed her hands on her hips, narrowed her eyes and scowled at her mother.
“Oh, don’t give me that crap! Work extra hours if you need to. You’re of no use around here anyway.”
Tammy slowly swiveled her body around and spread her arms out as she spoke.
“Look at this dump! It’s a mess. You haven’t picked up a dish to wash in at least a day and there are filthy pots on the stove from last nights slop; and slop would be kind for what you call dinner. I can’t believe your giving me this crap!”
Tammy’s mom’s eyes began to fill with tears. She put her hands into her apron pockets and stared down at her slippers, which were thread worn. She spoke in a very hushed and broken voice.
“But I try my best…”
Tammy guffawed at her and wave hand once. She turned her back to her mother and began to walk out of the kitchen as she uttered just loud enough for her mother to hear.
“Gawd! I am stuck with such a loser. I should have a mother who can show me the way to true and lasting girlishness. Instead I have a stupid bitch who can’t even wash a dish or clean the floor even ONCE a day.”
Tammy stormed into her room and slammed the door shut. Her eyes narrowed and she smiled evilly as she went to her Queen Anne desk, a gift from her mother, and sat down to call her girl friend Marty.
Marty answered the phone and began her usual string of loving appellations. Tammy rolled her eyes upward and shook her head.
“Don’t you have anything new to say? I mean it’s always the same line of crap from you!”
And Tammy began to mimic her lover’s usual greetings. There was silence on the other end when Tammy stopped.
“What? Nothing new to add? You know, I’m getting a little bit sick and tired of you and your routine. I mean, it’s like dinner and a movie and then you break out your toys. This ‘same old, same old’, is getting a little bit tired and worn. You’d better find some new tricks to amuse me or I’m outta this relationship, if anyone can truly call what we have that!”
Again there was silence except for the slight sniffling that Tammy knew were Marty’s tears. Tammy again narrowed her eyes and smiled wickedly as she hung up the phone. Tammy leaned back in her chair and stretched out her arms in satisfaction. It felt good to have all of these people under her mystique and control.
The next day at school, Tammy continued her ranting and raving. She began as she entered to door to the building. A new girl, who had badly wanted to befriend her, came running up to greet her. Tammy held her hand up in front of her stopping the girl’s approach.
“Shut up! Don’t say a word! I would rather eat shit and die then be seen talking with you. You have no fashion sense at all and should probably go out and get pregnant. You might be fertile and you wouldn’t want to waste the one talent you MIGHT have.”
The poor soul simply stood there as Tammy walked around, and past her. As Tammy walked to her locker, she would nod to one, give the finger to another, and generally pout, frown, of make some other sort of face proclaiming her displeasure with whomever she saw.
Making her way into the girl’s room before her first class, Tammy saw that all the sink and mirror spaces had been taken. She walked up to a girl who Tammy classified as hopeless and utterly plain. Tammy tapped her on the shoulder with some strength. The girl turned toward Tammy with a slightly pained expression on her face.
“Ow! What do you want?”
Upon seeing that it face Tammy, the girl cowered somewhat and stepped back.
“It does nothing to help you. You’re trying to hide you mountainous zits with the wrong shade of cover-up and your face looks pasty. I serious think a full course of Accutane in seriously in your future. Why don’t you just leave and give the space to someone who is already too lovely for words…”
Tammy’s eyes narrowed and she grinned at the poor girl.
“Like…me!’
The poor intimidated girl quickly gathered her cover-up, her eye shadows and everything else lined up on both sides of the sink, and swept the items into her bag. Tammy shook her head and laughed as several of the cosmetics dropped to the floor. Tammy couldn’t resist.
“You’d better toss those things. You know that half the girls get their pee on the seats and the floor. Then they walk through it to these sinks. It’s a small wonder your face is so cystic.”
Tammy giggled as the girl hurried to the trash can and tossed the three items as the other girls watched; some with smiles and some in dread of being next in line for Tammy’s morning wraith. She then turned to the mirror for a close and detailed inspection of her face.
Tammy looked carefully at her mouth and, pulling a tube of her lipstick out of her shoulder bag, touched up in two small places. She then grinned broadly, and spoke loud enough for all to hear.
“There! Perfect!”
Tammy then turned on her heel and strode out of the toilet and toward her first class. She managed to sit close to the front of each of her classes and spent most of her time inspecting her nails or mercilessly teasing the male teachers and students.
If the teacher was a woman, Tammy would manage to find something demeaning to say about that teacher’s mode of dress, make-up, or the class content. Generally speaking, Tammy really would have rather been shopping at the mall or out somewhere doting on herself. She was totally enraptured by her own image, and anything that she could do to improve it was never a waste of time.
Tammy finally reached the end of the school day, and the reverse might be said as well. She headed toward the girl’s locked room to change into her uniform for track. Slowly but surely she had worked hard enough to prove her worth on the team.
As she changed she thought about how totally Marty, her BGFF, was totally wrapped around her little finger. Oh sure, it was a little difficult at the beginning of their relationship, but as time went on, Tammy managed to turn the tables on Marty and now she had the big girl waiting nearly hand and foot on her, so captivated my Tammy’s femininity, beauty, and wiles.
Tammy was alone in the bath room when suddenly a very bright light appeared before her eyes. It was so very bright that she had to shield her eyes. When the brightness finally settled down to a golden glow, Tammy opened her eyes and, much to her expectation, there stood her smiling fairy Godmother once again.
Tammy immediately pointed her lacquered finger at the spirit and launched off on rant number forty-two of the day.
“You! You! I have something to say to you!”
Tammy’s eye became slits and her perfectly lipsticked beautiful mouth turned into a sneer.
“This is all you fault! I hate my classes, I hate my so called friends, my girlfriend has become a wimp. I hate everything about my life except the shopping.”
“Well I did give you an extra dose of the shopping chromosome.”
The fairy smiled gently.
“Well I don’t care! I’m the most beautiful girl in this dump of a school and I am totally bored out of my mind! And my mother…my mother is such a total loser and a waste of time. Why don’t you do something for her! Give her an extra job so I can afford some of the more sexy fashions. You know that the final dance of the year is not far off and I want to look spectacular for it.”
“My, my. Aren’t we full of ourselves today. Well let me think for a moment. Let’s see. You want out of school. You don’t want to be bored. You need a new wardrobe and you want to be able to constantly update the changes. You also want a girlfriend who isn’t such a…wimp was it?”
Tammy, tapping the toe of her shoe the entire time her Fairy God Mother was speaking, finally stopped as answered.
“Yeah. That’s about it.”
Her fairy God Mother narrowed her eyes and rubbed her chin. She was deep in though. Finally she grinned and drew back her arm.
“Oh…here it comes!” Said Tammy.
And with a swift forward motion the scepter spewed its blast of fairy dust through the air and to the exact same stall as the first time.
“Better hurry in Tammy dear. The spell doesn’t last long and this one should take care of all your desires and needs.”
The fairy God Mother grinned as Tammy rushed into the stall, sat on the seat, and awaited the dissipation of the dust. Suddenly she felt very weird and slightly ill. Tammy suddenly, and swiftly, stood up, turned toward the bowl, bent over, and vomited into it. She felt weak and…weird. When she was finally able to leave the stall, her God Mother was still there waiting for her.
“What did you do to me now! I feel terrible!”
Tammy held her head with one hand and her stomach with the other.
“Well dear, I answered all your wishes. You are now pregnant.”
The fairy God Mother giggled as Tammy stood there wide eyed and in shock.
“What! I can’t be! How…”
“I hope you like children sweet heart.”
“What do you mean…’children’?!”
“You will have trips.”
“What!!! Triplets???”
“And not only that dear…you will carry them to full term. I know that you will simply adore breast feeding them until…oh…say…age three.”
By now the tears were streaming down Tammy’s face as the news registered with full impact. Tammy began to breath deeply and felt the onset of a panic attach. She did the only thing she could think of. She rolled her eyes upward and screamed!
“MOMMY!!!
The End…for now…
The Runner Part 3
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The Runner Part 3
By Trashy Trisha
Marty found Tammy stretched out on the girl’s room floor. Being the concerned and loving partner she was, Marty jammed Tammy in the ribs several times with the toe of her shoe before announcing to the gathered crowd that yes…indeed…she was alive.
Several guys, evidentially quite familiar with the girl’s locker room, entered with a stretcher to carry poor Tammy to the nurse’s office. There she was pronounced fit to leave the school immediately before another fall occurred, thereby lessening the risk on a hastily paid law suit.
Marty, being several years older than Tammy, drove her home in her car. It was then that the newly weight bearing Tammy disclosed the latest chapter in her adventures in finding her inner girl.
“You’re what!”
Tammy completely broke down into tears as she tried to relate a plausible explanation of how a monogamous lesbian could possibly get pregnant. After Marty discounted the swimming pool, the toilet seat, and several other objects that could not possible fit comfortably into a human vagina, Tammy reached for the stars.
“I guess it just sorta happened. Oh my God Marty, whatever am I gonna do?”
Marty, after listening to all of Tammy’s wild explanations and such, told her the only thing that she could think of.
“Well, if it was the toilet seat, then maybe you could sue for child support.”
Marty broke up with laughter at the sake of her lover.
“Does this mean I’m now the father? Have you told your mother? Does she know?”
Tammy, trying to blow her nose and dry her eyes, shook her head no.
“She is going to absolutely freak. I’m gonna have triplets! Oh my God! Thirty diaper changes a day! Whatever am I gonna do? And I’m gonna have to breast feed them. I mean, it’s like a fortune in formula.”
“Personally, I think the breast feeding part is quite cool; very yuppie of you.”
“You would pick up on that!”
Marty began to laugh hysterically again.
“You are no fucking help you know.”
“Hey!! I’ll help. I’m your friend and lover. Of course I’ll help. I could drive to get the Pampers for you. Brahahahahaahahahahaha!”
Tammy began to wail as tears flowed down her face again. They finally arrived at Tammy’s house. Marty accompanied her inside to help break the news to Tammy’s mom.
“You’re WHAT!!!”
Marty thought that Tammy’s mom was going to pass out so she stood behind her chair.
“What do you mean you’re pregnant!”
Tammy’s mom was near a state of panic.
“How the hell did that happen?”
Marty began to laugh hysterically again. She couldn’t seem to stop though she tried. Tammy’s mom looked at her with an incredulous expression on her face.
“What the hell are you laughing about? What do you know about this?”
“What are you yelling at me for?? It was all Tammy’s fault.”
Both women looked at Tammy who sat silently with tears flowing down her face.
“What do you mean it was all her fault?”
“Well I told her to make sure the guys all wore condoms.”
“”What!? What guys? I’ve never been with ‘the guys’.”
Tammy was beside herself with anger now. It was bad enough to be subjected to the insane sexual appetites of her lesbian lover, but men? Oh my God! ‘Gag me with a pitch fork’, she thought.
“Well, it’s not surprising you don’t remember. Gawd! You were so stoned at the time and carrying on about wanting to have a baby. I mean, we were going to use the turkey baster…”
“What?” Both Tammy and her mother spoke simultaneously.
“You know Tammy. The turkey baster I have. I mean it’s worked before. But noooooo…not you! You didn’t want to take a chance so you had to fuck all the guys at the party.”
Tammy quickly got up and ran to the bathroom. This time she vomited for an entirely different reason. The very thought of having sex with men made her so ill. Marty followed her into the bathroom and held her head.
“Don’t worry baby.” Marty softly cooed. “They were mostly guys we know from school, you know? There’re clean and all and quite potent. Some of them even did you twice and I made sure that they only used your pussy…and occasionally your mouth. Don’t you remember? Remember when I wouldn’t tongue kiss you for a week?”
Suddenly they both heard Tammy’s mom begin to mumble something. Marty got Tammy up off her knees and walked her back into the kitchen.
“Get out! Both of you! Get out of my house! I don’t want you two perverts in my sight! You’re both disgusting!”
She threw a coffee cup at the two girls and continued to shout at them. Marty looked at Tammy and pulled her arm. They both hurriedly left the house as Tammy’s mom followed them yelling, shouting, and cursing the two girls.
Tammy began to tremble and feel light headed. Marty got her back into her car and started the engine. She turned toward Tammy and smiled.
“Don’t worry baby, you can stay with me. There are only three months left of school and then I graduate. We’ll get our own place. You know I already have that job waiting and the money’s real good. We’ll make it work.”
“But what about me? I’m only fifteen and I’ll have to leave school! Oh Gawd! I’ll be a mother with…three kids!”
“How did you know that?”
Tammy burst into tears again and fortunately didn’t have to go through any kind of a story of how she knew.
The next day in school, Marty couldn’t wait to tell anyone who’d listen that her girl friend was preggers. By ten in the morning, Tammy was already beginning to hear the snide remarks. ‘Slut’, ‘whore’, ‘breeder’, and a whole gamut of nasty remarks could be heard wafting through the halls where ever Tammy was seen. Half the boys in school claimed paternity and wanted sexual rights to the mom-to-be.
She was not permitted to run with the track team for fear of her hurting herself and suing the school. She was also told that they had no ‘facilities’ for pregnant students and she would have to finish the year at home. There after she would need to attend a special school for pregnant girls.
Tammy remained home the next day and got to know Marty’s mom. Her name was Louise but she insisted on being called Lou. Lou was a born again lesbian and Tammy could see where Marty got many of her mannerisms and ideas from.
Lou was sympathetic and very accommodating to Tammy. She kept speaking of her ‘grandchildren’ and how exciting it would be to have little ones running around the house again. She always wanted more children but couldn’t deal with the men that came attached to the pricks needed.
The first trimester blew past so quickly that it seemed to be a matter of days. Tammy looked a good deal more pregnant than she was. Already gaining twenty two pounds, Tammy was filling out and looked nearly six months pregnant. She knew it wouldn’t get easier as the summer months began.
During the second trimester, Tammy morphed into an alien creature designed specifically to do only one task; bear children! She continued to accumulate weight as her belly ballooned outward. Her breasts became very sensitive and they too began to grow quickly.
With all of the various new and interesting hormones flowing through her system, Tammy broke out in so many wonderful places starting with her face. She would daily awaken, if she could sleep at all, to a new outbreak somewhere impossible for her to see. Her feet were long gone from sight and it was becoming difficult to even see her belly over her expanding breasts.
Then, one day at the market with Marty’s mom, it happened! Her breasts suddenly let down and two enormous wet spots developed on Tammy’s blouse. She was positively horrified and humiliated beyond words. Tammy quickly covered herself as best she could with her hands and ran straight to the women’s room. She hid herself away in an empty stall and began to cry.
After that incident, Tammy started to express her milk several times a day on a regular basis. Marty found the entire incident and the expressing to be somewhat of a mystery. She did, however appreciate the fact that her lover had this marvelous new ‘toy’ she could play with. Marty received endless pleasure from helping Tammy with the task.
As the last third of Tammy’s pregnancy began, her weight ballooned up to a sixty seven pound gain. All three of the babies, two girls and one boy, were normal and healthy. In fact they were a little bit too healthy. The doctor was amazed that they appeared to be normal size, if not better, and he predicted that she would carry them to full term, which was no surprise to her.
Tammy was unable to get around easily any more. She needed help rising and dressing. She found the simplest task to be over whelming physically. Tammy spent most of her day watching television with Marty’s mom and rubbing her belly. The only other task for the day was expressing and refrigerating, or freezing all the milk. Tammy’s mom had long since started to use the milk for their daily needs whether it was a bowl of cereal, coffee, or even baking. They had between twenty four and thirty two ounces to deal with each day and Tammy hadn’t even given birth yet!
The triplets kicked constantly which created the most bizarre show across her expanse of belly. One would poke here and another there and the third somewhere entirely different. Tammy found that she now had to pee every few hours, sometimes even more frequently. There was simply no more room within her. Even her eating habits changed to small meals every so often.
Tammy couldn’t seem to find a comfortable position for herself any more. She rarely slept for more than two or three hours at a time. Worse of all was that Marty had taken to going out several times a week ‘with the guys’ leaving her alone or with ‘mom’. Tammy felt ugly, fat, and totally undesirable to her lover, who had long since stopped making love to her. She cried often.
The last month totally sapped what little spirit Tammy had remaining. She went to her doctor’s appointment as a part of her pre-natal care regimen and was told that a high degree of proteins was found in her urine. The doctor told her that she would need to spend the final month of her pregnancy in bed!
Marty’s mom was kind enough to give up her bedroom and her king sized bed, to Tammy. And so Tammy remained day after day. She was beyond boredom and beyond tears. Very often she would simply lie in bed and stare at nothing in particular. Once in a while a tear would fall from her eyes.
Her belly extended so far out that the only really comfortable position was in a semi-recline. She would slip in and out of consciousness. When she did sleep, she dreamt of her past, when she was still Timmy, and how she missed those days so very much.
Nobody came to visit her and nobody called to say hello. It was Tammy and ‘mom’ and, on rarer and rarer occasions, Marty. The month crept along ever so slowly until that final day when, with the help of Marty and mom, Tammy was taken to the hospital.
Several hours later it was all over. Tammy lied in bed surrounded by her three new babies. All were born quite healthy. The smallest, the boy, weighed seven pounds and twelve ounces. The two girls weighed eight pounds fourteen ounces and nine pounds and one ounce. Tammy had carried nearly twenty six pounds of life within her!
She fed them on the hospitals schedule but they demanded more. It seemed like there was always one, or two, of them attached to her nipples. The nurses were amazed at not only the birth, which set a triplet combined weight record for the hospital, but also the volume of milk Tammy’s breasts produced; also a record.
Allowing Tammy a little more recovery time, all four of them were released from the hospital. Marty and mom had turned the bedroom into a nursery as well as their bedroom. In this manner it was easy to bring the babies to Tammy for feeding around the clock.
Tammy spent most of her time tending to the little ones. After two months, they were going through nearly thirty changes a day and tube after tube of A&D ointment. Tammy’s breasts became even larger and were now a thirty eight double E. It seemed like the milk constantly flowed and if a baby wasn’t drinking it, everybody else was. Some of Marty’s friends from her job were also coming over to enjoy what Tammy naturally had to offer. Tammy even allowed a few of them to taste her milk directly from her breast.
Once Tammy fully recovered from the surgery, she began to become more active with the little ones. Walks in the triple stroller and other outings were a daily event. The only problem is that all the weight Tammy had gained during her pregnancy not only remained, but actually started to increase. Tammy was beside herself with the fact that three months after the birth of the triplets, she still couldn’t see her feet!
As time pasted, Tammy’s body seemed to settle into its own position. Her pendulous breasts, in spite of a custom fitted nursing bra, seemed to constantly be resting on the top of her huge belly. Her shape was so bad that she gave up trying to wear anything with some style to it and settled on triple XL men’s tee shirts or shapeless, one size fits all clothing from K-Mart. Her feet were so swollen that Tammy could only get into slippers or thongs.
Marty simply couldn’t get into the ‘new’ Tammy at all and they sex life was completely non-existent. Very often Marty wouldn’t even come home until she knew Tammy was asleep. And helping with the little ones was just not in Marty’s program.
“Listen sweet heart…” He would say. “You wanted them…so you take care of them. They want your boobs anyway so you might as well change the little buggers while you’re at it.”
When Tammy spoke of maybe going back to school and getting her GED, Marty had an answer for that as well.
“Oh yeah? What for? You’re a breeder plain and simple. You don’t need to study anything for that. Just take care of the kiddies and see that this place stays reasonably clean. I will take care of the rest. Don’t worry your pretty little head about school and learning.”
Years went past and the little ones weren’t quite so little any more. Tammy found herself at her old school inquiring about the pre-K program for the triplets. Some of the administrators were still there and upon seeing her, came to say hello. They smiled as they spoke with her but Tammy could see from the look in their eyes that they were shocked at the way she looked. Nobody would have ever expected Tammy, of all people, Ms. Vanity, to let herself physically go so quickly and in such a manner.
After finding out what she needed to know, and getting the kiddies registered, Tammy found herself wandering around the building and dredging up old memories of better days. The halls were quiet with all the students busy in classes.
Tammy wandered without any thought of seeing anything specific. Her memories were so disordered and cut short but her circumstances. Anyway, school was not really a favored place for her.
She finally came to the gym and walked into the vast cavernous room. The smell was the same; maybe a bit more intense with the aroma or perspiration. Then she wandered into the place where her nightmare began; the girl’s room. She walked to the mirror and looked at herself. She barely recognized the face that stared back at her. She looked much older than her years.
Suddenly there was a bright flash of light! It was so bright that Tammy had to shield her eyes from it. At first Tammy thought there was something very wrong with her. Then she remembered!
“No! Noooooo!!!!! Stay away from me! Go away! You’ve done too much already!”
“No, my dear. I have done nothing. It was you who asked me to change your life. All I did was to give you the opportunity to do so.”
The voice was calm and as soothing as Tammy remembered it to be. She opened her eyes to see the apparition that had so radically altered her existence years ago. She began to cry.
“What do you want from me now? Haven’t you done enough? Please just leave me alone.”
Her fairy God Mother came to her and put an arm around the crying woman.
“There, there baby. It’ll all be over soon. Just answer this question and then I’ll leave you alone, okay?”
Tammy sniffled and nodded her head. She felt too tired to do anything else.
“If you could have only one thing, one change, what would that be? What would be the one thing that would make everything alright?”
Tammy tried very hard to compose herself. She wanted to be rid of this horrid spirit and she wanted to be left alone.
“I…I…I…” She was having difficulty getting her words out. The tears were still running down her cheeks. “I want to try and run that trial one more time.”
“You mean you want one more chance to at least make the team? Like you wanted years ago on that afternoon when you failed?”
“Yes. Just one more chance.”
With that, the Fairy God Mother drew back her arm and once again flung it forward to the center stall. The fairy dust glittered and sparkled as it flew to the door and then encompassed the entire stall.
“Better hurry dear. It doesn’t last long.”
Tammy hurried into the stall and once again sat down on the seat. She waited for the dust to fade before getting up again to exit. As she arose from the seat, she could feel the difference in her.
“Come on out Timmy. The coach is still timing people.”
Timmy exited the stall. He was still crying, but now had a broad smile on his face. He was even wearing his old track shorts and tee shirt. ‘Oh my God’, he thought. He still had on Heather’s spare panties because his boxers were ruined.
Timmy fell to his knees and hugged his Fairy God Mother’s shins.
“Thank you. Thank you. Oh thank you so much!”
The spirit patted his head lightly and smiled down at him.
“All you ever needed to do was try one more time my child. Now…you are in the wrong toilet. You need to get out of here and go run like you’ve never run before. If you don’t get the time you need, who knows, you may have to return to three screaming brats!”
With that being said, Timmy jumped up and ran out of the girl’s room. His Fairy God Mother smiled as he fled. He ran down to the field and asked to try one last time. The coach smiled at him and nodded his head.
Later that day, as Timmy stood smiling next to his locker, he packed his books up and turned to leave the school. Across from him he saw Martina…Marty, at her locker. She turned toward him and smiled.
“You did well today. If you run like that all the time, you’ll be good.”
Timmy blushed and looked down at his feet.
“Thanks.”
Marty smiled and pointed her index finger toward Timmy. She then, in dramatic fashion, turned her hand over and crooked her finger at Timmy, beckoning him to come closer. Timmy slowly walked across to her. Facing him, she rapped her arm around his shoulder and leaned down till her mouth was next to his ear.
“There’s just one thing honey…” She said as she licked the rim of his ear. “In those tight pants, your panty line is showing.”
Timmy freaked out and tried to break away but Marty was too strong for him. She held him tightly and leaned back down to his ear again.
“Relax sweet heart. I won’t tell a soul. Anyway, I think you look kind of…hot in them? Would you like to come over and help me study this Friday night? That is if you aren’t doing anything more interesting.”
Her smile was wicked and Timmy blushed a deep shade of red. “Anything more interesting?’ He couldn’t think of anything that would be more interesting.
“Okay. Sure. I’d love that.” He looked down at his feet as he spoke and shuffled one foot against the other.
“Great! And Timmy…”
“Yes Marty.”
“Why don’t you come dressed, know what I mean?”
The End
Tit for Tat
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Author’s Note: This little bit of extraordinarily stale humor is dedicated to Laika. You can blame her for its inspiration!!!
Two well-dressed ladies, way long out of several very interesting closets, dined together weekly. On this particular week, they had chosen the Tavern on the Green in Manhattan’s Central Park. Having made the reservations well in advance, they were able to procure a window table for two in the Crystal room. It was a very rare slow week day evening.
A quite nattily attired waiter attended the two women; first bringing a basket of freshly baked rolls and butter still warm from the oven, and two leather-bound cartes de jour.
“May I take your drink orders?” The waiter asked in a most affected and flamboyant, manner.
“Yes. I would like a glass of Shazam,” replied the woman wearing the pearl pink silk blouse.
“You know Ruthie…that sounds divine. I’ll have a Shazam as well.”
“Do you mean a Shiraz madam?” The waiter rolls his eyes and slowly shook his head.
“Oh…that would be nice as well.” Ruthie eyed the waiter luridly.
The waiter shook his head once again figuring that there had to be one in every crowd; just his luck to get two! The ladies then began to discuss the various items listed on the menu.
“Oh Dorie…I simply adore Lobster Bisque!” Ruthie was most animated in her excitement over the choices offered. She reached for the basket, lifted the linen keeping the rolls warm, and placed one of the little morsels upon her bread plate. Ruthie then spoke in her very rich throaty alto voce. “By the way, don’t you think that waiter is the cutest? I love his little mustache and goatee.”
“I must say, it’s been a while since I’ve had the feel of one of those on my…privates.” Dorie giggled. “And especially from anyone under the age of sixty!” She outright laughed. Dorie’s face suddenly turned sour as she reached for a roll. “This one is as hard as a rock! The butter is frozen! However will I spread it?”
“Willfully, I hope dear.” They both giggled with Ruthie’s somewhat crude reply.
As the waiter returned with their glasses of wine, Dorie accosted him with her tale of frozen butter and the seemingly stale roll. The waiter, being ever patient with all types of customers, quickly grabbed the basket and butter after placing the wine down in front of the ladies. He knew the bread was freshly made but who was he to argue with a potential gratuity.
The ladies raised their glasses and Ruthie decided to create an impromptu toast.
“Here’s to a closet full of clothes and us on the outside!” Her voice was full of glee.
They clinked glasses and tasted the wine. Dorie savored hers but Ruthie lips pursed and then her face puckered as though she had just bit into a lemon.
“Whatever is the matter dear?” Dorie’s face showed great concern for her companion.
“This Shazam tastes vinegary! It’s awful.”
“Well perhaps it was from a different bottle?”
“All I know is that it tastes terrible.”
As their waiter returned with a new basket of bread and the defrosted butter, he was barraged by the very upset Ruthie and her sour glass of wine. The waiter, being a man of some distinction and a master of the art of serving, nodded and removed the glass. He simply shook his head knowing that both glasses were from the same bottle and left to replace the liquid anyway.
The ladies finally got down to the task of ordering their banquet. They always shared everything at their little meetings and so could have a wider variety of whatever was being offered. Aside from the lobster bisque as an opener, both opted for the salad with the sour cream magtag blue cheese dressing.
This would be followed by the steak Tartar with a quail egg and the seared yellow fin tuna. A portion of oysters would accompany the appetizers. Then the serious discussion began of what entrees would best suit the occasion. Ruthie commented that another waiter and an additional plate of oysters might do the trick.
“The trick!” They almost spoke in unison, eyes alighted and brows arched with their bit of naughtiness, as the waiter returned to take their orders.
As the waiter patiently stood by their table side, the ladies quickly went through the openers for their meal. However, and much to the chagrin of the waiter, things became bogged down when it came to the entrees. An animated discussion began over the merits of the Fruits de Mer versus the roasted lobster; and that over the duck!
The waiter, whose name turned out to be Duffy, was consulted several times.
“Yes madam, the lobsters are indeed two pounds…no madam, they are very tender and succulent…yes madam, the fries are crispy…no madam, the vegetables are Tuscan style, they are NOT from Tuscany!!!”
And so it went for nearly fifteen minutes. The waiter, being an old pro at dealing with the ‘theatre crowd’ and, being quite accustomed to how picky and fussy the ‘ladies’ can be, held his own against the barrage of questions concerning the cuisine.
Finally Ruthie and Dorie committed themselves to their second courses. The waiter gratefully left their table to place the order with the kitchen. As he withdrew, he wiped his perspiring fore head with the serving linen draped over his forearm as he muttered under his breath, quite disparagingly; “Old drag queens”.
Ruthie and Dorie continued their conversation and dissection for the dinner, the waiter and how the service was a bit lacking. What with the stale bread, frozen butter and sour wine, whatever could be next on the list of potential disasters?
Finally their soups had arrived. They steam wafted off the bowls and the aroma of cream and the sea filled the air around the two ladies. Duffy placed the bowls in front of the ladies along with several packets of crackers. They literally raced to see who could get the first spoonful of the creamy pastel orange liquid into their mouths. Ruthie was first.
“Oh dear Lord! This is simply wicked; so very rich.”
“Indeed my dear. Though the after taste is a bit chalky and, dare I say it? It tastes a bit like my estrogen caps.”
“Your estrogen caps?! You’re not telling me that you actually bit into one?” Ruthie was shocked.
“It was a case of mistaken identity. I thought it was a Vicoden.” Dorie giggled.
“You’re not supposed to bite into those either.”
“I know.” Dorie replied with a sly look on her face. “But it does hasten the relief.” Both ladies giggled.
“How could you possibly confuse them? The pills are also two different colors!”
“Well, I was preoccupied thinking about a man.” Ruthie’s eye suddenly opened wide and her brows arched as a huge grin parted her thin lips.
“A man? What man???”
“Oh, any man will do actually.” Again they both broke out into laughter.
“Just image if this was an estrogen soup. Dear me! I’d probably gain a cup size between the hormones and the fat.”
They both chuckled again.
Suddenly, a fly poked its head above the soup in the bowl and began swimming for the edge of Ruthie’s bowl.
“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There’s a fly in my soup! Duffy, Duffy!!!” Ruthie quickly dropped her spoon into the bisque splattering droplets across her new silk blouse, her face, the table cloth and Dorie.
Poor Duffy came running quickly to the table wondering what new imperfection had taken the ladies attention.
“Yes Madam?” Duffy stood with his hands in prayer position.
“What is this fly doing in my soup? And I’ll wager you’ll say; ‘the breast stroke’!”
This offended Duffy to no end. How dare these old Queens assume his indifference to a fly in the soup? He took one dramatic step backward, placed his right hand over his heart, and finally spoke.
“I’m a frayed knot!!!” He exclaimed in a rather loud voice. (So there Rita! Now you can share the blame with Laika! Giggle)
Duffy looked at the stained table cloth, Ruthie’s face and her soiled blouse. He suddenly began to twirl the ends of his moustache.
“It appears that the winged pest was attempting a three and one half gainer off the high platform and…” Quite dramatically Duffy pointed his index finger skyward as he arched one eyebrow. “…at the last possible moment…” He suddenly smiled wryly. “…it decided to cannon ball into your soup!”
Author’s Note: I have recently procured the services of DiMaggio, Meade, and Associates to assist in the editing, production, and promotion of my work. They come very highly recommended by several of their other clients and I am sure they will do an excellent job.