By Therisa Godwaldt
© 2011 Therisa Godwaldt
All rights Reserved
Stacey stood
Before the glass shelves
Barely moving a muscle.
Where Jane
Her older sister
Kept her valuable collection
Of porcelain dolls.
She had been warned
Numerous times
To never touch them.
But
Temptation kept her
Coming back
For one more touch.
“It’s not fair
Jane gets dolls
And I don’t”
Stacey thought to herself.
The Grandfather clock
Started to chime 4 pm
In the living room.
A panicky Stacey
Raced from Jane’s room
Into her own.
Changing back
Into her “male” self
Before she outed herself
To the family.
Stacey is
A 12 years old boy
Named Stuart.
Who'd been dressing up
For the past 3 years
Before realizing
He's a girl trapped
Inside a boy’s body.
Although
He hasn't tried Jane’s
Or his mom’s make-up
Yet.
Only
A matter of time
Before he does.
Normally
He put away
All his feminine clothing
Without any visible signs
To be seen.
Bought
Last summer
At a local thrift shop
On a friend's dare.
In his mad dash
To change back
A stray pair
Of navy blue nylons
Poked out
From the highboy dresser.
As Jane poked her head
Into his room
To see
Where he was
And doing what.
Since the house
Was totally quiet
Quite unusual for Stuart
Since he played
The Cure
24/7.
A quick scan of his room
Showed Stuart
Sitting on his bed.
Trying to understand
But growing frustrated
With the assigned math homework
Which he could not grasp
The principles behind
The trig questions.
As her eyes roam over
The rest of the bedroom
She saw the telltale nylons
But choose not to mention them
Yet.
Not quite sure
What to make of them
Wondering
If they had been taken
From her nylon drawer.
But wanted solid proof
First before a confrontation
As she left him
Alone.
Catching Jane’s disappearing head
Stuart let out
A sigh of relief.
Only to see
The toe of the nylons
Sticking out
Of their hiding spot.
“Oh God
Please pretty please
Don’t let Jane see
Those navy blue nylons”.
Silently
He pleaded.
Hoping for the best
Fearing the worse.
Knowing
Jane will use this
Against him
Like she always does.
Dejectedly
He replaced the nylons
Back into their hiding spot
Gently shutting
The dresser drawer.
By Therisa Godwaldt
© 2011 Therisa Godwaldt
All rights Reserved
Two weeks
Since the last time
Stacey had dressed up.
Freely walking
Around the house
As herself
And not
The hated Stuart.
Promising herself
To be more careful
In tidying up
And putting away
Her clothes.
Before someone saw her
Specifically Jane.
Unbeknown to Stacey
Jane has installed
A small camera
Among her doll collection.
Hoping to catch Stuart
Touching them
Without permission.
Except
Jane wasn't expecting
What she saw
On her monitor
When she got home
Tired from work.
She saw her baby brother
Dressed completely
As a young girl
Wearing a light blue
Polka dotted calico dress
With navy blue leotards
And black patent
Mary Jane's shoes.
The face was completely free
Of any make-up
Except for
The black nail polish
On her fingernails.
Her long glossy dark brown hair
Was divided into pigtails
Two golden hoop earrings
Hung from each ear.
“Holy shit”
Escaped her mouth
Before she realized it.
Hoping
No one heard her.
Playing back several times
The image of Stacey
Longing to hold
One of Jane’s dolls
In her arms.
Her hands straying
Just inches away
From totally disobeying
Jane’s command.
“What am I
Going to do with him
And his desire
For my dolls”.
Jane thought to herself
Not knowing
Where he got his outfit from
Except it was not
From her’s
Or mom’s closet.
Should I tell mom
About his cross-dressing
Hoping to put an end
To his desire to hold
One of her dolls.
Or keep quiet
And see
Where this leads to
Before she blows the whistle
On him?
By Therisa Godwaldt
© 2011 Therisa Godwaldt
All rights Reserved
A month had since
That fateful afternoon
And Jane still did not know
How to handle this situation
With Stuart.
If she went to mom
There would be trouble
For all of them
Should dad find out
About Stuart’s crossdressing.
The divorce
Was painful enough
Without additional pain
For all involved.
For several weeks
Stuart refused
Any contact with dad.
Feeling
He was responsible
For the divorce.
Thus
Punishing himself
As a result.
No matter
What mom and dad
Tried to explain
To him.
Sighing to herself
As she grew
More frustrated
Over how to handle it.
Jane knew
She had to talk
With mom
Regarding this problem
Before dad found out.
But
When would it be
A good time and place
To do so.
This
Jane did not know
And was afraid
To ask.
Should she use
A hypothetical situation
Which she would describe
The dilemma facing her
Concerning Stuart.
Or just go full force
With her information
Letting the chips lay
Wherever
They may lie.
Damn the consequences
To the family
In telling mom
About Stuart’s
Secret crossdressing.
Jane wrestled
With her conscience
Concerning her decision.
As she grew
More withdrawn
And moodier.
Snapping
At everyone
Who disturbed her.
By Therisa Godwaldt
© 2011 Therisa Godwaldt
All rights Reserved
“Mom
What would you do
If you knew someone
And had secretly caught them
In female clothes?"
“Why do you ask
Jane?”
Her interest
Now peaked
By Jane’s question.
Wondering if
This had anything
To do with Stuart.
Which she had know
For years
About his need to express
His feminine side.
“One of the girls
At school
Has a brother
Who she has caught
Doing so.”
"And she does not know
How to tell her parents
So I wondering
If you could help me
And I would give her
Some advice”.
Hearing Jane describing
This dilemma
Her mom smiled
And shook her head.
“Jane
If you mean Stuart
I have known
About this need
To express
Her feminine side.
"Two years ago
She shared this
With me”.
A stunned Jane
Stared at her mom
Not entirely sure
She heard right.
Mom knew about it
And didn't stop him.
“She requested
I call her Stacey
When she is wearing
Feminine clothing”.
Stopping
To see how
Jane was handling this
Before she continued onwards
With Stacey’s future plans
For herself.
“You knew about him”
Jane squeaked
At her mom
As the information
Sunk into her conscience.
“Yes dear”
Again she smiled.
“Why was not I told
About this mom?”
A look of hurt
Spread across Jane’s face.
“Honey
It wasn't my decision
To make.
"Rather
It’s Stacey’s
And she wasn't ready
To share."
“Oh”
Jane said.
“Would Stacey mind
If I let her know
I know now
Too?”
“Let’s go ask Stacey
And see.”
By Therisa Godwaldt
© 2011 Therisa Godwaldt
All rights Reserved
A quick knock
On Stacey/Stuart’s bedroom door
Was greeted by
A hurried
“Just one moment please”.
“It’s ok Stacey
You do not have hide
Anymore”
Jane told her
Through the closed door.
Slowly
The door open
A half dressed Stacey
Looked out.
Not sure
If she had heard right
From her big sister.
“You heard right Stacey
From me.”
Jane rushed forward
Crushing Stacey
In a fierce hug.
“If it's ok with mom
You can dress up
Anytime you feel the need
To do so.”
Huge beaming smile
Lit up Jane’s face
As she spoke those words.
“But
You can't touch
Any of my dolls
That you so
Want to.”
Reminding Stacey
Of the prohibition against
Touching the dolls.
“But things
Have known
To change around here".
By Therisa Godwaldt
© 2011 Therisa Godwaldt
All rights Reserved
Stacey had decided
To dress up
For her 13th birthday
Wearing the new dress
Mom had given her
As a birthday present.
Running her hands
Down the side of
The pale blue dress
As they waited
For Jane to exit the car.
Scared
Yet excited
By being in public
For the first time
As a young girl.
Stacey's hands were sweating
From her nervousness
But it was too late
To back out now.
Linking her right arm
Around mom’s left arm
As the three of them
Entered the restaurant
Where they always
Went for birthday celebrations.
Dad was already there
And had been seated
By one of the serving staff.
At first
He didn’t recognize
His youngest child
Stuart/Stacey.
As Jane had taken the time
To show her
How to properly apply make-up
Another gift from mom.
“Jack
Before you get angry
And do something extremely stupid
You need to know
We have two daughters now.”
Mom laid the law
In an icy voice
Brooking no argument
From dad.
“Not in my home
Will I allow my son
To be turned into a sissy
By you and Jane!”
He bitterly retorted
Walking out of the restaurant.
“Am sorry
You had to experience this
Stacey”.
Mom placed her arms
Around a sobbing Stacey
Trying to consolidate
Her youngest daughter.
Unknown to Stacey and mom
Jane had brought
A long box
Wrapped
In feminine birthday paper
Into the restaurant.
“Here you go
Sis.”
A huge smile
Was painted
On Jane’s face
Matching Stacey’s.
As she handed Stacey
Her birthday present
One of her porcelain dolls
From her collection.
Knowing full well
The impact her words
And gift
Would have Stacey
And the rest of the family.
But she did not care
As long as Stacey
Was happy.
Being
Who she is:
A young woman
Blossoming
Into her own.