Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl who makes him an offer he refuses to refuse: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!

 

Author's note: I thought that I’d work on a more light-hearted story that actually has a confident trans character as the protagonist, one who’s actively taking control of their life instead of just being dragged along by other people.
Meow!
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I knelt on the edge of my messy bed tried my best to look as sick as possible, coughing painfully every now and then while rubbing my eyes to make them look red and sore. Most of the time it was pretty easy to convince people that I was sick as I had a pale complexion that was emphasized by my thick shoulder-length blonde hair, and my body was quite small and frail for a thirteen year old boy. All I had to do was cough painfully and look as sad and as miserable as possible, and people would immediately believe that I wasn’t feeling well.

Unfortunately, the person I was trying to trick today was mum, and she knew me far too well to be easily fooled. She was standing in front of the bed and inspecting me with her sharp brown eyes, her silver glasses pushed up to rest on top of her head. She was almost twice my height and very attractive, with long brown hair brushed to fall over the left side of her face and soft, petite facial features. We resembled each other in the face, both having plump lips, expressive eyes and small noses along with high cheekbones, but I had a small beauty spot under my right eye and she had an array of freckles going across her nose and cheeks.

‘Hmm. You don’t look sick, just tired.’ she said with a small frown and put a soft hand against my forehead. ‘And it doesn’t feel like you’ve got a temperature.’

‘I don’t feel good at all though!’ I said croakily and rubbed my throat, looking up at her through my sprawling bed-hair. ‘I think I’ve got the flu! Or tonsillitis!’

‘You look fine to me.’ Her eyes narrowed. ‘And you don’t sound like your throat’s sore at all. You sound like you’re pretending to have a sore throat.’

‘I’m not pretending!’ I said and tried to make my throat sound as sore as possible by deepening it a bit. ‘See? It’s really sore! I’m in pain!’
‘Alex…’

‘I really am sick! Look! I’m pale!’ I pointed at my face hopefully.

‘You’re always pale!’ she said with a laugh.

‘Y-yeah, but this time I’m super pale! And my eyes are really red!’ I quickly rubbed them again. ‘See?’

Mum sighed and sat down on the bed next to me, a sad expression on her face. ‘Sweetheart…what’s going on?

‘Nothing! I really am sick!’ I said but she shook her head, her eyes thoughtful.

‘Let’s see…today’s Wednesday, and if I remember correctly you were trying to make me think you were sick this time last week too so…’ She blinked and then nodded to herself. ‘Sports. You’re trying to get out of sports class.’

Agh! She got me! And so fast too!

‘T-that’s just a coincidence!’ I said deeply and rubbed my throat. ‘And it’s even more reason for me to stay home! I can’t do sports if I’m sick!’

‘Alex. Please stop lying to me.’ she said and my stomach squirmed guiltily. She knew I was lying, and if I kept going I’d only end up insulting her. Crap…

‘Fine! I’m not sick!’ I cried, crossing my arms under my chest and looking up at her defiantly. ‘But I’m not going to school!’

‘Why not?’ she put her hand on my knee and looked down at me in concern, some of her hair falling loose and gently hitting me in the face. ‘Is someone bullying you?’

The image of Shannon’s handsome, laughing face popped into my head, and for a moment I felt the sensation of his fist hitting me in the stomach while his friend Brad held me from behind.

‘No.’ I said quickly, pushing the horrible image out of my head. ‘I just don’t like sports.’

‘I can’t let you stay home just because you don’t like sports.’ Mum said, her lips twitching into a smile.

‘But it’s so cold outside!’ I pointed to my closed window, which was covered by black blinds decorated with various cute bugs. ‘We’re going to be out on the oval for two hours and there’s no way I won’t get sick! I heard dad say that it’s even going to rain today! I’ll probably die!’

‘You won’t die! You’ll be fine munchkin. Come here!’ Mum smiled and wrapped me up in a warm hug, washing me in her soft, rose and peach-scented perfume. I immediately hugged her back and buried my face in her chest while she patted me on the head. She was wearing a tight black knee-length dress that was one of my favourites of hers, mainly because of the fabric. It was made out of some kind of silk that was soft but looked thicker than it actually was, and was very professionally made. Its neckline wasn’t too deep and its sleeves went down to the elbows, ending in a white silk cuff akin to a shirt. I loved it so much and had tried it on once, but it’d been far too big for me and I’d looked…stupid and…

A vast emptiness grew in my stomach and my eyes burned with tears. I would do anything to be able to look as beautiful as mum when I grew up, to be able to look as good as she did in dresses. She was so tall and elegant and pretty and…and everything I wanted to be but…

But I was a boy so…so…

My lips trembled and I hugged mum tighter, forcing myself to calm down. I needed to stop thinking about this! My body was fine at the moment! I’d been taking steps to make it as feminine as possible and…and even though I knew it wasn’t going to last forever it wa-

‘Alex?’ mum asked softly and I gasped, having gotten lost in my thoughts.

‘Hm!’

‘You’ll be fine if you dress warmly.’ She smiled, thankfully not noticing that I’d nearly started crying. I guess rubbing my eyes to make them look red and sore actually paid off. ‘And if it does rain then I’m sure your teacher will move you all into the gym.’

I nodded slightly and then snuffled against her, my eyes starting to droop. I hadn’t slept well last night and it’d only been five minutes since mum had woken me up so I was still very tired. The miserable feelings of wanting to be a girl didn’t help anything either. All I wanted to do right now was snuggle up next to mum and go back to sleep, forgetting that I’d even woken up today.

But, that wasn’t going to happen.

‘Sweetie…I need to leave in a few minutes.’ she said regretfully, putting her hands on my face and gently making me look up at her. ‘And you need to have a shower and get ready for school.’

‘Noo! Can’t you stay longer?’

‘You know I can’t. Until your father finally decides to start looking for work then I’m always going to be leaving this early.’ She said, her lips twisting in displeasure.

I shared her displeased look as a stab of frustration ran through me. Dad had been fired from his job as an accountant six months ago, and since then he’d been staying at home watching TV and feeling sorry for himself. Mum had been forced to take on more hours at her job as a hairdresser to compensate for him not working anymore, which meant that we didn’t spend nearly as much together as we used to. She was only around for about twenty minutes in the morning and came back late at night, usually so tired that all she wanted to do was sleep. It was horrible.

She sighed heavily and slowly got up, letting me fall down onto the spot where she’d been. ‘Come on little buddy. Time to start the day.’

‘I don’t want too.’ I squashed myself face-down down onto the warm bed and looked defiantly up at her through my hair.

‘Neither do I, but we’ve both got responsibilities.’ She said and put her hands on her hips. ‘Come on Alex.’

‘No.’ I shook my head. ‘I’m going to stay here for the rest of the day!’

‘Really.’ Mum said flatly.

‘Really!’

‘Fine!’ she said and I squealed in surprise as she reached over and slipped her arm under my stomach, then lifted me off the bed as if I were a particularly large cat. ‘I’ll just have to carry you to the bathroom then!’

‘Wha-mum!’ I cried and tried to squirm my way out of her grasp, but she held me tightly against her hip and I couldn’t figure out how to get free. ‘Let me go!’

‘No.’ she said, walking out into the hallway. ‘If you’re going to act like a stubborn little kitten then I’m going to treat you like one.’

I blinked and then my eyes widened in delight. I was a kitten! ‘Mew! Nyaa!’

‘Meow.’ Mum replied with a smile and set off down the white hallway while I pawed at the air in front of me.

My bedroom was at the very back of the house, just behind my brothers, and as we proceeded down it he appeared at the end, wrapped up in a black towel with his long hair dripping over his slight shoulders. When he saw us he stopped and pushed his hair out of his face to see us better through his glasses, looking confused. Jason was my twin brother and while we didn’t look exactly alike we shared a few features. He was small too, although a head taller than me, and had a very skinny body. His face was feminine like mine but leant more on the androgynous side of things, and he’d dyed his hair jet black and it was actually longer than mine, going just past his shoulders. He had the same beauty spot under his right eye too. He’d inherited mum’s short-sightedness though and wore a pair of glasses that were exact replicas of her, just smaller.

‘I’m a stubborn kitten!’ I explained to his confused expression and put my hands on either side of my head, then meowed happily.

‘I…see…’ he said and patted me on the head, making me meow gain. He blinked and then smiled slightly. ‘Good kitty.’

‘Are you going to be ready on time for school?’ mum asked and he nodded.

‘Yes.’

‘Can you make sure that your feline little brother is ready too? And walk with him to school so he doesn’t try and run off?’

‘Yes.’ he said with a smile and I glared at him. Traitor!

‘Thanks honey.’ Mum said and patted him on the head, making him beam happily. ‘Have a good day at school, okay? And let me know how your maths test goes!’

‘Sure.’ He nodded and then walked past us and into his room, where the sounds of a paused video game where emanating from.

Unlike me, Jason wasn’t much of a talker and preferred to spend most of his time alone in his room, but we got along really well. When mum wasn’t around I usually hung out in his room playing video games with him so I wouldn’t be alone when dad tried to find me.

Speaking of dad, as we exited the hallway and entered the living room he was sitting in front of our new TV and watching the news while sipping from a steaming cup of coffee. The living room was quite spacious but most of the walls were taken up by black leather couches and bookcases, with dad’s ugly blue armchair in the best spot to see the TV. The bookcases were mainly full of books mum liked reading, romance and mystery novels, but there were some old comic books spread throughout as well such as Asterix and TinTin.

When we entered the hallway dad looked away from the TV and smirked when he saw me. Jason and I didn’t much resemble him, as he had a sharp face with a weak chin and watery eyes above a handsome nose. He sported a thin brown moustache that covered his thin top lip and kept his brown hair cut close to his scalp.

‘What’s going on here?’ he asked and sat up straighter in the chair, wrapping his brown dressing gown tighter around his ever-thickening stomach. His eyes were red and I could tell that he’d been up for a while, probably having been unable to sleep properly.

‘Meow.’ I said hopefully but dad frowned at me. Crap. He was in a bad mood.

‘Alex refused to get out of bed so I’m carrying him to the shower.’ Mum explained and dad made a disgusted face.

‘Oh, put him down.’ he said and eyed me sharply. ‘What are you doing, making your mother carry you around like that? You’re not a baby for god’s sake.’

‘I know.’ I said, flushing red.

‘Then why are you letting her carry you around like you are?’

‘B-because I’m a kitten…’ I said weakly, avoiding his horribly judgemental eyes.

‘No, you’re a thirteen year old boy.’ Dad corrected me with a sneer. ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’

‘Stop it.’ Mum interrupted angrily and carefully put me down on the ground. ‘We were just playing.’

‘Just playing? That’s exactly the problem!’ Dad cried, his eyes widening angrily. ‘If you keep treating him like he’s a baby then he’s never going to grow up!’

‘I’m not treating him like he’s a baby!’ mum snapped.

‘Bullshit.’ Dad scoffed and pointed at me. ‘Look at him! He looks like a friggin’ ten year old girl! All because you let him skip meals and grow his hair long and pamper him like he’s your special little princess or something.’

I turned even redder at that and stepped behind mum as she clenched her fists. ‘There’s nothing wrong with how I treat Alex.’

‘Maybe if he was a girl, but he’s not.’ Dad took a gulp of his coffee and I could see that he was just warming up. Ever since he’d lost his job he’d become more and more focused on how mum treated Jason and I, probably because when he was working he was never around to see us. Now that he saw us all the time he’d seemed to have made it is job to “set us straight” on how boys should act, and he’d aimed a lot of his frustration at mum, who he saw as having failed to raise us properly.

I was sick of his constant arguments and wasn’t ready to deal with them this early in the morning, so I tugged on mums arm and made her look down at me.

‘I’m going to have a shower! A-and you have to go to work so…’

‘Yes! I do.’ Mum blinked and then smiled down at me. ‘I’ll see you tonight, okay? And don’t worry about sports, I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’ll bring some chicken soup home for you though just in case!’

‘Ah! Okay!’ I beamed at her and she kissed me on the top of the head.

‘S-see!’ dad spluttered, making us both jump. ‘That’s exactly what I’m talking about!’

‘What? So I can’t kiss my son anymore?’ mum asked incredulously.

‘Not like that! Bloody hell! Can’t you…’

I padded out of the room and deliberately blocked out dads voice, feeling sick. He had to make everything miserable! Why couldn’t he just mind his own business? Or go away and find a job so he wouldn’t be home anymore!

The bathroom was behind the stairs leading up to the second floor where mum and dads separate rooms were, along with dad’s office. I was so lost in my anger at dad that I didn’t notice my sister leaving the bathroom, and if she hadn’t of put her hands on my shoulders I’d have ploughed right into her.

‘Ah!’ I cried and grabbed her hand in surprise, my heart skipping a beat. ‘Ashley!’

‘Watch where you’re going.’ she said and gently smacked me on the head. ‘You almost walked into me.’

‘Sorry.’ I muttered and looked up at her. She was head and shoulders taller than me and her body was thin and lean, with a surprising amount of strength in it. Basketball was her one love in life and she spent most of her time either training or playing in every match she could find. She was really good too, captaining our school’s senior girls team and having won quite a few medals and trophies. Dad loved her…

Her face was soft and petite like mums, and she had freckles on her cheeks and nose, but her hair was a dark brown like dads and cut into a short bob so it wouldn’t fall into her green eyes. She was almost seventeen and didn’t really get along too well with Jason and I. She was very competitive and loved being outside and active, whereas Jason and I were happier being inside doing things she considered ‘geeky and lame’, like reading and playing video games.

‘What are you looking so sad about?’ she asked and I shrugged, making her frown and look past me to the living room. Dad was still arguing with mum and his deep voice floated down the hallway, making her grimace. ‘Oh, for god’s sake! You pissed dad off again? Why?’

‘Wha-I didn’t do anything!’ I snapped but she smacked me on the head again, this time harder.

‘Why do you have to make him so mad all the time?’ She pulled on the cuff of her white school shirt and sniffed unhappily. ‘Having him home all the time was supposed to be great but you keep ruining it! Can you just…not? I want to enjoy his company and I can’t do that when he’s angry at you all the time!’

She waved her hands at me as if I were a large bug and stalked off down the hallway. I considered making a rude gesture but the last time I’d done that she’d seen it and sat on me for almost five minutes until mum had come to save me, and I really didn’t want a repeat of that. I settled with just glaring at her back until she was gone and then went into the bathroom, my hands shaking slightly with anger. Ashely and dad were just as bad as each other! Every morning was crap because of them…

I shut the bathroom door with more force than was necessary and then when over to the full-length mirror set into the grey marble wall, across from the granite sink. As soon as I saw my reflection I calmed down a bit, and when I threw off my black pyjama top I felt even better.

I’d read online that hormones were what transsexuals took to turn themselves into girls, and I was lucky enough to have access to some. Dad had forced Ashley to take birth control pills last year when she’d starting dating, but she’d refused to take them and always just threw them out. I’d been stealing them from her rubbish for the past ten months and…

The effects had been beautiful…

Even though I was still tiny, my body was now slim and feminine. My hips had widened, my skin had become smoother and everything in general had just become rounder and more girly. My body had an hourglass shape like mums, although obviously nowhere near as well-developed.

I beamed as I admired my reflection and then carefully pulled off the singlet I used to hide my small breasts. The singlet was an old one of mine that was two sizes too small and it effectively squashed my breasts into nothingness. I had no real idea how large they were but I think they were an A-cup from what I’d seen online. They were squishy but hard deeper in, and didn’t much like being touched. If I didn’t cover them with the singlet they would constantly get irritated by my other clothing’s fabric, and stung if I touched them too hard. I didn’t touch them much…

I looked exactly like a girl, just like I’d always wanted. I was pretty and cute and if things kept going the way there were then I’d be beautiful, just like mum. This was the happiest I’d been in years, but…

…but, this going to continue for long.

I’d been able to hide the changes so far but as I got older they’d become more obvious, especially my chest. Mum and dad would notice eventually, or Ashely would figure out I’d been taking her hormones and confront me about it. And when that happened they’d take my hormones away and I’d never be able to be a girl. Dad would never let me transition and while I think mum might be okay with it dad wouldn’t let her help me. My future would die and my life would be over.

Right now I was in a kind of mini-vacation from reality, a pit-stop before the inevitable wave of masculinity consumed me. And the longer I stayed like this the worse it got. I’d become used to looking like this and the thought of losing it made me want to scream wildly and kill things.

A painful chill ran down my spine and I hugged myself with a whimper, the emptiness from before returning. As each month went by the chances of being found out became higher and higher. No, not even each month! Ashley could figure out I’d been stealing her hormones tonight, or she herself could be found out for not taking them and dad would keep a closer eye on them, making it impossible for me to take them. At any moment this beautiful dream could be torn apart and I’d come crashing back to reality with no hope of returning to happiness.

And when that happened, I’d…probably die…

I shook my head and quickly turned on the shower as hot as it could go, wanting to submerge myself in at least a little happiness before the day started. School was going to be a nightmare, and with dad in an already bad mood I couldn’t imagine tonight was going to be any better…

End of Chapter One

Thankyou for reading!

 

 

 

Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!

 

Author's note: Sorry for the delay. Been sick again >.> Stupid Melbourne weather. Thankyou for reading! Comments and Kudos are very much appreciated! And kitten cookies too :3

 

Once I finished showering I hurried back to my room and changed into my sports uniform, which consisted of a black jumper, a white shirt and black pants. We weren’t supposed to wear it to school, only change into it during sports class, but I didn’t care. Even before I’d started taking hormones I was harassed because of my small body and feminine face, making changing rooms an absolute nightmare. It’d only gotten worse since I’d started hormones, so much so that I just wore my sports uniform to school so I could avoid it altogether. I always got in trouble for it, but a few lunchtime detentions were far more preferable than being called a shim or a tranny.

Besides all of that, the sports uniform was unisex so unless you already knew I was a boy then it was impossible to tell. Without the gendered markers of the normal uniform then I was constantly mistaken as a girl by strangers, making school just a little bit more manageable.

When I finished dressing myself I went over to the bookcase next to my bed, which was overflowing with books, video games and figurines. The top shelves were where I kept the things that were important to me, such as a photo of Jared, mum and I in front of a lively ocean, and my collection of old picture books. The bottom shelves I tried to keep as boring as possible so nobody would be tempted to look through it. I kept schoolbooks on them, as well as any bad video games that I’d been given over the years. It was my hope that anyone who saw the bookcase would be drawn to the top shelves and ignore the bottom ones, as something special was hidden down there.

Sally the seal! A white soft toy baby seal that mum had given to me on my fifth birthday. She’d been my best friend growing up and now she had an even more important role; storing the hormones I was stealing from Ashley.

I knelt down and carefully reached behind a pile of old math textbooks to pull out my fluffy friend, and then lay her down on her back. She wasn’t too big, about half as long as my arm, but she had a lot of stuffing in her so was quite chunky. It was the perfect place to hide the hormones because the woolly stuffing was so thick that you couldn’t feel them inside of her, even if you squeezed her really hard. I’d cut a hand-shaped hole in her stomach so I could reach in and out of her, and kept it shut with three safety pins just in case.

‘I’m sorry, Sally,’ I said as I pulled out the pins and reached inside of her. ‘But I still love you! I wouldn’t trust anyone else to look after my hormones!’

Her large black eyes looked proudly up at me from the ground and I couldn’t resist kissing her fluffy nose. Urgh! I missed being allowed to have soft toys so much! Dad had banned me from having them when I was ten, deciding that it wasn’t appropriate for me to have such things anymore. I’d come home one day to find my gigantic collection of squishy kittens, snuggly puppies and baby bunnies all gone, and had naturally been incredibly upset. I’d demanded to know where they’d gone and he informed me that he’d taken them all to an op shop so I’d never see them again.

It’d been one of the worst days of my life, and gave birth to the seed of hatred that I harboured for dad.

Sally had managed to survive the purge because mum had taken her to get repaired at a clothing store on the day of the purge. She’d been furious at dad when she found out what he’d done. They’d argued worse than I’d ever seen them before and she made him promise to never do something like that again. He said he wouldn’t and he hadn’t, but I’d been too scared to buy any more soft toys since then so it didn’t really matter. He’d won.

I pulled out the small plastic bag that I kept the hormones in and removed two of the small orange pills, then quickly put the rest back in Sally and hid her away again. Once she was out of view I went over to my computer desk and took the pills with the water that I kept there just for this occasion. I’d been do-
‘Hey!’
I choked in surprise as my bedroom door swung open and Ashley barged in. Some water spilled out of my mouth and I pushed it back in with my hands, scared that one of the tablets might slip out. I swallowed as hard as I could and then stared at my sister with huge eyes.
‘What the hell are you doing! I could have been naked you jerk!’ I said with a cough, but she just smirked.

‘Whatever. Here, mum told me to give you this in case it rains.’ She held up her hand and realised that she was holding a small black umbrella.

‘Oh. Thanks.’ I took the umbrella from her and waited for her to leave, but she just stared at me. ‘Umm…you can go now Ashley.’

She shook her head slightly and then gestured at my clothes. ‘You…you look like a girl in those clothes.’

‘What?’ I blushed happily and looked away. ‘No I don’t.’

‘You do!’ She reached out to touch my face but I bounced away. ‘Why do you look so girly? It’s weird.’

‘W-what? No it’s not.’ I swallowed nervously and looked away from her, my heart starting to beat faster.

‘It is.’ She tugged at her shirt sleeve and ran her eyes over my upper body. ‘I was thinking before when you almost ran into me about how small you are. When I grabbed your shoulders they were tiny, and you’re so slim.’

‘So?’

‘So, it’s not normal! Even Jason is larger than you.’

‘W-well, that’s because he’s started puberty. I haven’t.’

‘But you’ve changed.’ She said sharply as her eyes widened. ‘You’re not as short as you were last year, and your body’s more…slim and…and…curvy…’

I cried out in surprise as she lunged at me, her hands trying to grab my sides. I ducked under them and jumped onto my bed, holding the umbrella out in front of me and shaking badly.

Oh god. She’d noticed the changes!

But that was impossible! Not even mum had noticed and she spent far more time with me than Ashley did. What was going on? Just because she touched my shoulders she realised how feminine my body was? No…she was just guessing, but if I let her touch me then she’d figure it out! Especially if she touched my chest.

‘Stay away!’ I pointed the umbrella at her as she walked over to the bed, and she stopped with confused smile.

‘Why are you so defensive? I’m not trying to hurt you, I just want to feel your ches-’

‘Umm…’ a soft voice said and we both turned to see Jason standing in the doorway, looking confused. ‘What’s going on?’

Oh, thank god. A distraction!

‘Nothing.’ I jumped off the bed and ran behind him. ‘Is it time to leave for school?’

‘Uh, yes.’ He looked back at me and then at Ashley. ‘Are you both ready to go?’

‘Let me grab my bag.’ Ashley said and slowly walked out of my room, giving me a weird look as she did so. ‘We’ll…talk about this later.’
‘No we won’t.’ I said and made sure Jason was in front of me as she walked down the hallway.

‘We’ll see about that.’ She smiled crookedly and then disappeared into the living room.

I scowled after her and then took a shaky breath, trying to calm myself down. This was really bad. If Ashley figured out that my body was female then it wouldn’t be too long before she realised I’d been taking her hormones and there was no way she wouldn’t tell dad about that. And when that happened then I was screwed. I needed to start avoiding her as much as possible, or at least wear more sets of clothes to disguise my body’s shape more. Maybe she’d even forget about it if I just stayed out of her way for a while…

‘What was that about?’ Jason asked and I shook my head.

‘Nothing good.’ I muttered darkly and followed him down the hallway, feeling sick.

Today definitely hadn’t started off well.

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Ashley, Jason and I all went to the same school, Rise Grammar. It was a large senior school near the very heart of our city, situated on a small rise overlooking the café district of town. It was quite old now and had been in the middle of renovations for the past two years, which had been causing quite a lot of chaos. Currently, an entire block of old art classrooms were being demolished along with a gymnasium. New classrooms were being built at the very back of the school as well, and I’d heard rumours that we might actually be getting a pool soon. Construction workers were a common sight walking amongst the students, and the awful sound of drills and saws endlessly droned on like horrible background music to a bad video game.

Dad had gone to Rise when he was younger and had loved his time there, telling anyone who’d listen about how he’d been a school leader and captain of the football team, leading them to victory three years in a row before he’d injured his arm. He wanted his kids to have a similar experience and as such had enrolled us in it as soon as we were of age. Ashley was now a year eleven student while Jason and I were both in year nine, but in separate classes.

It was a twenty minute walk from our house to the school, and Ashley went ahead of us so she could meet with a friend who lived nearby. Jason and I walked together, occasionally talking about various video games we were playing, but mostly staying silent. I wasn’t in the mood to talk, too anxious about what had happened with Ashley, and Jason had never been much of a talker anyway. We fell into a familiar comfortable silence and made our way to school, each lost in our own thoughts.

The main entrance to school was at the end of a street full of small clothing stores and busy cafes, some of which had delicious scents wafting out of them. My stomach grumbled as we walked past one that was selling fresh cupcakes and I slowed down, remembering that I hadn’t had breakfast yet. A cupcake and a bottle of coke seemed amazing right now. Just what I needed to cheer me up!

‘Hey, Jason.’ I said and stopped in front of the café, which was called “Heart pastries”. ‘I’m going to grab something to eat. Did you want anything?’

‘I’m not hungry.’ he said and looked disapprovingly at me. ‘And you’re going to be late if you go in there.’

‘It’ll be fine. You want to join me?’ I asked hopefully, not too comfortable with being in stores by myself. ‘I’ll buy you a coke or something.’
‘No. I’m going to go to school.’ he said and started walking off. ‘See you later.’

‘Bye.’ I scowled at him as he left, knowing he hadn’t meant to come off as judgemental but still feeling annoyed. He could be annoyingly correct sometimes.

I sighed and walked into the café, which was packed full of other students from Rise, as well as a few adults. Its interior was a calming light blue and petite white chairs and tables were arranged in a large circle in the centre. Waitresses dressed in cheery blue outfits bustled about serving the various customers while a woman behind the serving area called out coffee orders over the chorus of excited voices coming from the customers.

My eyes lit up as I saw the cupcakes that smelt so good, large pink and black ones sitting on a platter at the end of the serving area, and I eagerly slipped through the bustling seating area to reach it. One of the good things about being small and slim was that it made it easy to move through crowd, and barely anyone noticed you.

I grinned as I reached the cupcakes but as I went to grab one my attention was drawn to the colourful array of pastries displayed underneath the service area, behind a long glass barrier. To my delight all of them were themed after various cute animals, from cupcakes with monkey faces, tiger vanilla slices and ladybug doughnuts. What really caught my attention though were a collection of large chocolate-chip cookies that had cat ears and whiskers on them. Kitten cookies!

Oh my god. I needed them. I’d buy two for me and two for mum. She’d love them!

I went over to the counter and leant on my toes so I’d be more noticeable, and after a few seconds the lady working the coffee machine came over with a smile. I excitedly ordered four of the cookies and a bottle of coke, then dug my wallet out of my pocket to order. Mum gave us fifty dollars every Monday so we could buy food from the school’s canteen, and because I didn’t eat much I usually had money left over. As such, there was just over two hundred dollars of random notes in my wallet last I’d counted, and so many coins that I’d started storing them in a piggy bank in my room. For a while now I’d been trying to think of something big to buy with the money but nothing had come to mind. I’d initially wanted to buy some girls clothes but mum was in and out of my room every day, either to wash my clothes or just to talk, so there was no way I’d be able to hide anything clothing-related from her. And I constantly borrowed video games and comics from Jason so I didn’t need anything in that regard. At the moment it was fine to just have the money as a safety net in case I really needed it.

The woman handed over the cookies in a small brown bag and I took them off of her with a huge smile, and then slowly walked around the seating area. I probably did need to get a move on before school started but there were still a lot of students from school inside the café, and if they weren’t worried about being late then why should I? I wanted to enjoy the taste of the cookies as I walked to school, not scarf them down as I hurried to class.

I slipped one of them out of the bag and grinned as the sweet scent of its icing met my nose, and I couldn’t stop myself from immediately chomping down on it. Only on one of the ears though, as I didn’t want to ruin the kitten’s cute face yet. The delicious taste of chocolate icing and moist cookie consumed my mouth and I let out a delighted moan, followed by an involuntary squeaking sound as I chewed on it. It was amazing! I don’t know if it was just because I was so hungry, but it tasted better than any-

‘Oh my god.’ A delighted girl’s voice said and I flinched, tearing my eyes off of the cookie and seeing a tall girl standing a few feet away. She looked to be around Ashley’s age and was also dressed in the school’s sports uniform, although she was wearing a pair of knee-length compression leggings instead of the usual pants. ‘You’re perfect!’

‘Hhu?’ I said through the mouthful of kitten cookie, utterly confused. Was she talking to me?

‘What’s your name sweetie?’ she asked, stepping over and staring down at me with her wide blue eyes. She had long black hair that was layered and brushed over her right side so that it emphasized her heart-shaped face and olive complexion. A thick pink scarf was neatly wrapped around her neck and there were little black kittens adorning the ends of it, which caught my attention for probably longer than they should have. I quickly swallowed the mouthful of cookies and shook my head slightly.

‘Um...I’m Alex.’ I said and focused on her face, which was very beautiful. Her eyes were large and deep, her lips full and pink, and her nose and cheekbones sharp and well-defined. She was wearing some slight make-up too, enhancing her eyelashes and making her lips shine.

‘Hi Alex!’ She offered me her hand and beamed. ‘My names Jen. It’s nice to meet you!’

‘Uh…’ I looked at the hand for a moment before awkwardly grabbing it. ‘Hi.’

‘I’ve never seen you around before.’ She said as she shook my hand, engulfing it in pleasant warmth. ‘Is this your first day at Rise?’

‘Oh, no, I’ve been going here for years.’

‘Really?’ she looked me over with an intense gaze. ‘What year are you in?’

‘Year nine.’

‘So you’re fifteen! That’s great!’ she said with such enthusiasm that I was taken aback for a moment.

‘Umm…n-no, I’m thirteen.’ I blushed and decided to add to that. ‘I turn fourteen next month though!’

‘Ah! Well, that’s still fine!’ she grinned and squeezed my hand. ‘You’re ridiculously adorably, Alex. Once of the cutest girls I’ve seen at our school before. And you’re not even wearing make-up or doing anything with your hair!’

‘W-what?’ I turned bright red and wondered if she was joking, but her expression was now serious.

‘Have you ever thought about working as a waitress?’

I blinked. ‘Huh?’

Her eyes shone excitedly and she squeezed my hand even tighter. ‘My sister and I are opening a café next week and we need cute girls just like you to work for us! I think…let me just…’ she patted her tights and jumper, then scowled. ‘Dammit! I don’t have any flyers on me, but I can get you one tomorrow. Is that okay?’

‘I…yeah?’

‘Thanks!’ she beamed and I blushed. She was so friendly! ‘So, one of the girls who was going to work had to drop out, so I’ve been looking for a replacement and I think you’d be perfect! Have y-’

‘Jen!' another girl from our school shouted from a table a few feet away. She was shorter than Jen and was wearing the usual school uniform. ‘Get over here!’

‘What? I’m busy!’ jen shouted back, her pleasant demeanour fading for a moment.

‘I don’t care!’ the girl said, brushing her red hair behind her large ears. ‘We only have like two minutes before school starts and if you don’t finish this biology homework then Park’s giving you a detention. Again.’

‘Aww shit!’ Jen’s brow furrowed and she looked back at me, biting her bottom lip. ‘Crap! Okay! I need to go take care of something. Is that okay?’

‘That’s fine!’ I said in relief. There was no way I could be a waitress so this conversation, while really nice, was pointless. I’d been dreading the moment where I had to tell her that I was a boy.

‘So you’re in year nine, right?’ she asked quickly. ‘Your lockers are in the lobby of the IT building?’

‘Yes, b-’

‘I’ll meet you there at recess then! I might even have a flyer in my locker, which would be great!’

‘Hold on, I-’

‘I’ll see you soon then!’ she said and smiled widely. ‘Bye Alex!’

‘B-bye.’ I said and watched as she jogged over to her friend and dropped down onto the table. She looked back at me with a smile before hunching down and staring at a piece of paper her friend slipped over to her. ‘Crap…’

I was going to have to avoid her for the rest of the day, which wasn’t going to be. I’d probably have to avoid her for the rest of the week too! Urgh…

I’d love to be a waitress though…wearing a cute skirt and top, taking peoples orders and getting their food for them, with everyone treating me as a girl. It’d be amazing! But when Jen found out that I was a boy then she’d probably be disgusted like most people were, or just disappointed. Either way she wouldn’t let me work with her, and if she somehow did then there was no way mum or dad would be okay with it. It’d be insane for me to even bring it up with them! They’d figure out I wanted to be a girl immediately and I couldn’t let that happen.

Still…

‘She’d called me cute.’ I said and bounced happily out of the café’s entrance. ‘And ridiculously adorable! Hee!’

I took another bite of the cookie and lost myself in imaginations of being a waitress as I walked along the emptying street. If I somehow was able to work as a waitress then I’d get mum to cut my hair really fancy, with a cute fringe and layers too maybe. And I’d tie it back in a ponytail and wear a red headband! And I could get my ears pierced! Oh god! I’d always wanted to get my ears pierced! Maybe I could g-

‘Hey there, faggot.’ a horrifyingly familiar voice said and I cried out a large hand grabbed the back of my shoulder. ‘Let’s talk for a moment.’

To be continued...

Note: Thankyou for reading! I hope this chapter was as good as the last, because I was very surprised and pleased with the reception it got :D I'm really enjoying writing this story. If there were any problems with this chapter let me know so I can fix them :) I want this story to be as good as possible.

 

 

 

Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!

 

Author's note: So, this chapter has a bit of violence but I tried to sweep through it so it wouldn't make some people uncomfortable. Sorry if it does though. I was in a lot of fights as a kid and I've gotten a bit desensitized to it.
And just two quick notes: The story is set in Australia, and over here our Liberal party is the same as the American Republican party.
Also, some characters mention the safe schools program, which does exist too! But, as will be obvious, certain character have no real idea what it's about.
Thankyou for reading! Comments and Kudos are, as always, appreciated!

 

I spun around to see Tom standing behind me, holding a can of coke in one hand and a piece of paper in the other. He was very handsome, with long coal-black hair that he kept pushed back behind his ears to show off a slight widow’s peak. A smattering of facial hair covered his top lip and bold chin, and a brown birth mark ran down the right side of his forehead like a paint smudge. He looked amazing when he smiled, his dark eyes glowing with a welcoming warmth that made him look like a model straight out of a men’s fashion magazine.

I hated his smile.

I stared warily at him as he let go of my shoulder, trying my best not to scowl. He had a hair-trigger temper and I’d been on the receiving end of his anger more times that I could count. Why did he have to be here now, of all times? I’d been so happy daydreaming about being a waitress and eating my kitten cookies…

‘What do you want?’ I asked, looking around the street to see if we were alone. We weren’t, thank god. A few Rise students were hurrying past us to get to the school’s entrance and some adults were coming and going from the cafes around us. I should be safe for the moment.

‘I just want to talk, like I said.’ He smiled and looked up at the overcast sky, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. ‘It’s such a wonderful morning, isn’t it? I didn’t expect it to be so good when I woke up, but just…wow.’

‘Uh, what?’ A sharp gust of wind blew my hair over my face and I stared at him in confusion. ‘It’s a horrible day.’

‘Oh, I’m not talking about the weather Lexy,’ He laughed, his own hair slightly messed up from the wind. ‘I’m talking about this.’

He waved the paper in my face and I caught a glimpse of writing in a large, angry red font.

‘What is that?’

‘Oh! You haven’t seen it then?’ He grinned. ‘Some guy gave it to me when I was walking past the mall. It’s so strange that you haven’t seen it yet, considering that it involves a certain loveable member of your family.’

‘W-what?’ I went to grab it again but he pulled it away, his eyes wide with amusement. ‘Stop it! What is it?’

‘Ohh, alright then. If you insist.’ He rolled his eyes and then smiled sharply. ‘You ready for this? It’s a “call to arms” from your grandpa, so to speak,’ His smiled widened as my stomach clenched. Grandpa? Oh god. ‘Apparently he’s not happy that the Safe School’s program is going ahead over here and wants to stop it. Imagine that!’

I swallowed and my grip on the bag of cookies tightened. Grandpa was mum’s dad and the liberal representative for my town’s district. He was…not a good person. He was always organizing rallies against things he didn’t like and funnelling his considerable finances into groups who supported the same things he did. He hated marriage equality, had succeeded in shutting down the only abortion clinic in our city, tried to make schools teach creationism instead of science, and had cut funding to almost all of the homelessness and welfare programs in the area he knew about. And those were just the things he’d done in the last five years…

He was a relic of the past that refused to just go away and die. It was a nightmare whenever he visited us, as all he did was point out every single thing he thought was wrong with dad, Jason, Ashely and I in painfully vivid detail. He went on and on about how he was embarrassed to have us as his grandchildren and “joked” to mum that she needed to get pregnant again so he could have a proper heir, whatever that meant. I tried not to pay much attention to what grandpa said as it was all angry, hateful stuff that made me miserable.

‘What’s the safe schools program?’ I asked hesitantly, knowing I wasn’t going to like the answer. It sounded vaguely familiar…

‘The safe schools program? You don’t know it?’ Tom raised his eyebrows in mock concern. ‘Well, see, it’s this new program where a bunch of fag-lovers come into school and tell us how sad and misunderstood you all are, and they try to make people feel bad for you so we won’t beat you up.’

‘I’m not ga-’

‘They talk about trannies too, and how we should treat you all like “real” girls,’ His eyes shone as he looked down at the pamphlet. ‘And that really pissed off your grandpa, let me tell you! Here, I’ll read out what he wrote. Where was it…ah! “The government is trying to tell us that it’s okay for sick boys who think they’re girls to go into the girl’s bathroom and attend female-only events! The government is telling us to let these perverts do what they want, and to even support and encourage them! And just what are we supposed to do when one of these deviants inevitable rapes a real girl? Support them then too? No! Not on my watch! It’s time to do something about it!”’

Oh god…

My face burned and I gritted my teeth to stop myself from crying. I could easily imagine grandpa saying something like that, his thin face red with rage and disgust. He thought people like me were perverts, sexual deviants who just wanted to rape girls by pretending to be one so we could grab them when they were most vulnerable. It made me sick just thinking about it…and worse, dad thought like that too. I felt like I had this disgusting disease that I had to hide from them, like I was like a paedophile or something and couldn’t tell anyone because if I did they’d hate me forever, and maybe even kill me. I’d never heard mum say anything about transsexuals but considering that she’d grown up with grandpa I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what she thought.

A dull ache appeared in my chest and I grabbed it with my left hand, accidentally letting the bottle of coke slip out of my grasp and bounce into the street. I stared blankly at it and felt a tear escape from my eye and roll down cheek.

Oh no…I didn’t want to cry here…

‘Wow. Are you crying?’ Tom leered and I turned away from him, my bottom lip trembling. ‘Aww, don’t be like that! Do you want to see what else he says? He’s got some pretty interesting thoughts on pronouns too. Apparently he th-’

‘Shut up!’ I rubbed my eyes and started to walk away, shaking. ‘I don’t care!’

‘Oi! I’m still talking to you!’ he grabbed my shoulder again and violently spun me around, causing the bag of cookies to fly out of my hand.
I gasped in horror and tried to catch them but I was too slow and the bag fell onto the dirty pavement. Two cookies where thrown out of it and landed face-up next to a red mailbox, their happy kitten faces looking wildly out of place of the grey concrete.

‘No!’ I ran over to them and knelt down to see if I could salvage them. One of them I’d already started eating so it should be okay, and I could brush off the other one and it should be fine too. Just so long as I had two clean ones for mum then it was fine! We could have one each after dinner and wa-

‘Cat cookies? What the fuck,’ Tom laughed. ‘You really are a faggot, aren’t you?’

‘Go to hell!’ I snarled as I picked up the cookie I’d already started eating and inspected it. It loo-

‘Pathetic.’ Tom muttered and stomped down on the bag of cookies, then dragged his foot backwards to smear them all over the pavement. ‘I can’t even stand to look at them. God.’

...

…

The…mums…mums cookies…what…

Mums…

…

I stared blankly at the destroyed cookies and then up at Tom, who was smirking at me.

‘Why did you do that?’ My throat tightened and I slowly got to my feet, letting the cookie I was holding fall out of my hands and break on the pavement.

‘Their gayness offended me.’ He laughed and then stomped on the cookie I’d just dropped. ‘Dude, I know you look like a girl and all, but you’re not one, you know? You really ought to listen to your grandpa once in a wh-’

I stepped forward and punched him in the face as hard as I could.

He shouted in surprise and stepped back as blood spurted from his nose and hit my fist as I pulled it back. His can of coke and the awful piece of paper fell to the ground as he clamped his hands over his nose and stared at me in utter shock.

‘Y-you…you hit me!’ He rubbed his bloody hands on his white shirt and spat out a mouthful of blood as it streamed down his face. ‘What the hell!’

‘I hate you.’ I let out a shaky breath and stepped away from him, feeling sick. My whole body was shaking with anger and I couldn’t think straight, my thoughts a red mess of violence. I hadn’t even thought about punching Tom, it’d just happened. I was sick of him talking about grandpa and teasing me so meanly! I’d never done anything to him and he constantly harassed me like this just for fun! Screw him!

‘Oh, really? You hate me, huh?’ He straightened and balled his hands into fists, his face a mask of utter rage. ‘Well that’s nice, because I fucking hate you too!’

I swallowed and looked around, seeing that a few students were glancing at us as they hurried past, but they clearly didn’t want to get involved. The school’s melodic bell started to blare out in the distance and a few of them quickened their pace. Tom was looking around too, and when he heard the bells he frowned and focused on me with a sneer.

‘Come here.’ He grabbed my arm and began to drag me towards an alleyway between the café I’d just left and a bakery. ‘I want some privacy for this.’

‘No! Let me go!’ I dug my feet into the ground but he just tugged my arm and sent me staggering forward. ‘Stop it!’

‘Oh, shut up.’ He spat out another mouthful of blood.

He threw me forward and I went flying down the alley, where I smashed into the side of an old green dumpster. I threw out my arms to absorb the impact but a frayed piece of metal underneath the lid ripped into the base of my arm, and the impact of my body cased it to tear through my skin. I screamed in shock more than pain and collapsed to my knees, staring at the large gash in my arm. My jumper arm was ripped open and blood was already seeping out of my cut and staining it. Oh…oh god…

My anger evaporated in an instant as the pain began to grow worse and tears stung my eyes. The cut hurt so bad! And it was so long and deep, worse than I’d ever been cut before! I’d seen rust on the dumpster too! Was I g-

‘Ouch. That looks like it hurts.’ Tom stomped down on my knee and I screamed as a horribly uncomfortable pain shot through my leg. He knelt down and stared at me with cold, hate-filled eyes ‘But this is going to hurt a hell of a lot more, I promise you that.’

‘I’m sorr-’

‘Too late for that.’ He punched my knee and I screamed again as the awful pain got worse, and then it was magnified as he stomped down on my calf a couple of times.

‘S-stop!’ I sobbed and tried to push him away but he easily slapped my hands away.

‘Shut up.’ He punched me in the stomach and then grabbed my hair, using it to slam my head against the dumpster. ‘You know, I’ve beaten you up more times than I can count but I think this is the first time that you threw the first punch.’ He wiped his still-bleeding nose and smiled crazily. ‘I guess I should congratulate you! I really pissed you off today, huh faggot? I told you that it was a wonderful morning.’

A flash of anger rose through the pain and I snarled at him. ‘Shut up!’

‘But it was a pretty weak punch. I’d say you hit like a girl but that’d probably make you happy, huh?’ He stuck his face closer to mine and held my head in place by my hair. ‘It’d probably even make you hard, wouldn’t it you sick little fuck. No wonder your grandpa hates you. I feel dirty even touching you!’

‘Then let go!’ I whimpered and tried to push him away but the pain in my arm was getting worse and it wouldn’t move properly.

‘Naw. I need to show you how an actual man throws a punch first.’ Tom slammed my head back against the dumpster and curled his right hand into a tight fist. ‘Now watch closely. This is h-’

He grunted in surprise as a hand grabbed his fist and jerked him off of me with such force that he crashed backwards onto the ground and his head hit the pavement with a nasty thud. I looked at him in surprise and then up at my saviour. My heart leapt as I recognized her.
Jen was standing in front of me, her pretty face twisted with a hatred that went far beyond anything I’d ever seen before. Her hands were twitching with rage and her breathing was coming out hard and ragged, and when she spoke every syllable vibrated with venom.

‘What the fuck are you doing to her?’

To be continued

Note: Thankyou for reading! The next chapter will be far happier than this one! I promise.
The kitten cookies are gone for good though :( R.I.P.

Also, if you have a problem with the main characters views on certain political points then that's okay, but I really don't want to discuss or debate them. I've become so tired of arguing politics ever since Trump was elected. If you disagree with Alex then that's fine :)

 

 

 

Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!

Authors note: Thankyou for reading! The reaction to my last chapter was so amazing that I made sure to get this one out right away ^_^ I hope you all enjoy it just as much!

 

 

 
Tom slowly sat up and rubbed the back of his head, an amused sneer on his bloody lips. He seemed completely unconcerned by Jen’s sudden appearance and I swallowed nervously. Would he attack her too? And if he did, would she be able to fight him off?

‘Well, that was annoying,’ he slowly got to his feet and brushed his hair out of his eyes. ‘Who the hell are you?’

Jen walked over to him and I realised that she was a head taller, and while her body was still feminine she was clearly stronger. ‘I asked you a question first.’

Tom rubbed the back of his head again. ‘You did? What was it?’

‘Why are you attacking her?’ She brushed her black hair behind her ears and scowled at him.

‘Her?’ He frowned at me and then grinned, making my stomach jolt. ‘Are you talking about Alex?’

‘You know who I’m talking about.’ Jen looked at me and concern flashed across her face. ‘Why did you hurt her?’

‘Well now, that’s an interesting question,’ Tom looked up at the sky for a moment before looking down and nodding to himself. ‘Why did I hurt her so badly, hmm? You know, I think it’s probably because she’s not a girl, you dumbass!’ Jen blinked and her eyes focused on my body while Tom smiled widely. ‘Yeah, that’s right. He’s a boy! He might look like a girl in that uniform, but trust me. He’s not.’

I flushed red and clutched at my bleeding arm, feeling disgust even through the pain. That jerk! Why couldn’t he have just told her that I’d punched him in the face? He…he knew how to hurt me so well…

‘Is that true?’ Jen asked sharply and I winced, then nodded slightly. There was no reason to lie when I was probably going to have to tell her anyway.

Her eyes widened and she took a step towards me, her mouth slightly ajar. An emotion I didn’t recognize ran across her face and then she turned bright red.

‘Oh shit,’ she breathed. ‘I…wow.’

Tom walked next to her and leered at me. ‘Yeah, pretty gross huh? He’s probably a tranny. You should see this pamphlet-’

She grabbed his face and slammed him against the alley wall, then pushed her face up against his. Her eyes were full of a cold rage, but there was a weird smile on her lips.

‘If you ever touch a hair on her head again then I’ll fucking kill you. You hear me?’

He stared at her in shock and grabbed her arm, but couldn’t pull her off of him. I heard him say something but it was muffled from Jen’s hand on his face. She frowned and squeezed with her hand, making him cry out in pain, then after a couple of seconds she let go and stepped back.
‘You crazy bitch!’ Tom gasped and rubbed his cheekbones, which were red. ‘That hurt!’

‘It was supposed to. Now get the hell out of here.’

He scowled and looked past her at me, then back at her. ‘Why the shit are you even defending him? Do you know him?’

‘Not as much as I’d like, but that’s going to change soon.’ She smiled back at me and I blinked. What did that mean?

Tom looked at her in confusion. ‘Why? Look at him. He’s a fucking faggot! What more do you need to know? Fuck him!’

She stepped towards him and he quickly stepped back. ‘I thought I just told you to leave.’

‘Shut the fu-’

He flinched as she lunged at him, her hands clenched into fists. She didn’t hit him but I could tell that she could have easily knocked him out, and he knew it too. He swallowed and looked at her for a moment, his hands twitching at his sides. For a second I thought he was actually going to take a swing at her, and she seemed to think so too as she tensed her body, but after a moment he let out a sharp breath and took another step back.

‘Fuck! God damn it!’ He angrily shook his head and looked up at her through his hair. ‘Why the hell are you so strong?’

‘I play a lot of basketball.’ she smirked.

‘Oh, well good for you,’ he sneered and then looked at me. ‘Fuck you Alex! Don’t you think this is over! We’ll finish this later today, asshole. See you at school.’

‘If you touch a hair on her he-’ Jen began but Tom cut through her.

‘Yeah yeah yeah. You’ll kill me, I know,’ He reached the end of the alley and smirked at her. ‘Good luck with that, bitch.’

He looked at me one last time and his smirk faded. His mouth twitched like he was about to say something but he decided against it and turned around to leave the alley.

And then…he was gone. I could scarcely believe it and held my breath for a moment, fully expecting him to reappear and charge at Jen, but when he didn’t I let out a huge sigh of relief and slumped back against the dumpster. Jen also turned from the alley entrance and knelt down next to me, her eyes once more full of concern.

‘Are you alright?’ she asked and looked me over, slowly pulling off the pink scarf around her neck.

I stared at her with wide eyes, an unfamiliar feeling gently squeezing at my chest. Nobody had ever saved me from Tom before! Everyone either watched or just pretended they hadn’t seen anything, while a rare few went to get a teacher. But Jen hadn’t! She’d put herself in harm’s way to save me. Me! Even after Tom told her that I was a boy. Why? Di-

‘Alex?’ she asked gently and I blinked. ‘Are you alright?’

‘You saved me!’ I blurted out. ‘T-thankyou!’

She beamed and gently patted my shoulder, her brown eyes shining behind her long lashes. ‘Saving cute little girls like you makes me feel like a badass heroine, so it’s all good.’

‘Huh?’ I stared at her in disbelief. She knew I was a boy but was calling me a girl. Why? The only people who had ever called me a girl were people who thought that I was one, or Dad when he was making fun of me. Was she making fun of me?

‘Now, let me have a look at your arm.’ Her expression darkened and she gently lifted up my cut arm, making me wince slightly. It was still quite sore but was starting to become numb. ‘How did it get cut?’

‘Oh, uh…Tom threw me into that,’ I looked at the dumpster, ‘and a piece of metal cut into it. Is it bad?’

She looked closely at the cut and grimaced. ‘Yes, but it’s not serious. We need to wrap it up and take you to the school nurse so it can be properly bandaged. Can you get your jumper off?’

‘Do I have to see the school nurse?’ I asked as I pulled my uninjured arm out of the jumper and used it to carefully free the bleeding one. Then I put the jumper over my shoulder and looked grimly at the bloody mess that was my right arm.

‘You do,’ Jen said seriously as she pulled off her scarf. ‘This cut needs to be cleaned and properly bandaged so it heals properly. Here, hold it steady for me.’

‘Ah!’ I gasped when I realised that she was going to use the scarf to bind the cut. ‘Don’t use your scarf. It’ll get blood all over it.’

‘That’s fine,’ she smiled and began to tightly wrap it around my arm. It hurt and I winced a bit but tried not to cry out. ‘I don’t really like it to be honest.’

‘Why not? It’s so cute…,’ I looked sadly at the black kittens and touched them, then rubbed the rest of the scarf. ‘And so soft and nice too. How can you not like it?’

‘Eh. Pink’s never been my colour,’ she finished wrapping my arm and tied the two ends into a tight knot, then smiled at me. ‘I think it’d really suit you though.’

I smiled but shook my head. ‘No, I couldn’t wear something like this.’

‘Why not?’ She looked at me in amusement. ‘I think you’d look adorable wearing it, sweetie.’

I swallowed and then looked away from her, suddenly feeling like crying. She was being so nice, even though she knew I was a boy. Did she know I was trans? Tom had said that he thought I was a tranny but people usually didn’t take him seriously when he said that, as it was a pretty common insult thrown at any boy who looked too feminine.

She had given me a weird look when she’d found out I was a boy though, and she’d still used female pronouns when referring to me after that. And I hadn’t corrected her, even in the café before…

I looked up at her smiling face and my throat swelled. She must have guessed that I was actually trans! And she was still being nice to me! She didn’t think I was gross or disgusting or anything bad! She was treating me like a girl! Just…just like I’d always wanted…

‘Oh! Alex! What’s wrong?’ She stared at me in surprise as tears began to trickle down my cheeks.

‘You’re r-really ni-nice!’ I sobbed and rubbed my eyes, trying to get control of myself.

‘That’s no reason to cry!’ Her cheeks turned red and she reached out to softly pat me on the head, making me squeak in surprise. ‘Oh my god, you’re so cute! Come here!’

I gasped as she pulled me into her chest and wrapped her arms around me, just tight enough for me to feel snug and secure without feeling trapped. I reflectively put my arms around her chest and squashed myself against her like I did with mum, although a completely different feeling ran through me as I did so. It was a strange, light feeling in my stomach that made me shiver slightly and I hugged her even tighter, my body feeling warmer than normal.

‘It’s okay sweetie,’ she rubbed my back and smiled warmly down at me. ‘Don’t cry!’

‘I’m s-sorry.’ I sniffed and tried to get control of myself, something that was made easier by the distracting sensations her body was sending through mine.

‘Don’t be sorry,’ she smiled down at me. ‘It must have been really scary, being attacked like that.’

I squeaked and shook my head. ‘It wasn’t scary. I’m used to it by now.’

Her body stiffened and she pushed me off her a bit to stare seriously into my eyes. ‘You shouldn’t be used to it! How often does he attack you?’
‘Umm…a few times a week, but…not usually this bad,’ I looked at my scarf-wrapped arm and shivered. ‘He usually just hits me in the chest or stomach so there’s only bruises that nobody can see.’

Her hands tightened on my shoulders as her eyes darkened, making me uncomfortable. ‘Have you told anyone about this? Do the teachers at school know? Or your parents?’

I really didn’t want to answer that so didn’t talk for a moment, hoping she’d stop looking at me so intently. She didn’t though and I swallowed, knowing I was going to have to answer.

‘Well, my parents know that I’m bullied but, not how badly,’ Just like my breasts, I hid my bruises as if my life depended on it. ‘And some of the teachers at school know but Tom’s really good at lying, and if I tell on him he…hurts me more so…so I don’t.’

Jen breathed out and then slowly pushed my hair behind my ears, making me blush. ‘This isn’t good, sweetie. He can’t keep hurting you like this.’

‘It’s fine, I-’

‘No, it’s not fine at all,’ she put her hands on the sides of my face and gently caressed my cheek, looking deep into my eyes. ‘Nobody should be attacked like that, especially someone like you. It makes me sick to think of your pretty little body covered in bruises from that asshole.’
‘O-oh.’ I turned even redder and the unfamiliar feeling squeezed at my chest again.

Ahh…I really liked Jen…

‘I’ll…see if I can help. My sister…yeah,’ she rubbed my cheeks again before smiling and letting go. ‘But, that can happen later. If you’re up to it we should be getting to school. Your arm needs to be looked at as soon as possible.’

‘Okay…’ I felt a rush of sadness as she removed her hands from my face and almost went out to grab them again, but stopped myself. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.

I regretfully let go of her and began to get to my feet, but as soon as I put weight on the leg Tom had attacked an awful pain ripped through it, centring on my knee and calf, and I immediately collapsed onto the ground. I gasped painfully and pulled up my pants to see an array of awful-looking purplish bruises lining my leg.

‘Oh no,’ Jen growled when she saw the bruises. ‘Did that boy attack your leg too?’

I nodded through a groan. ‘He stomped on it an-and punched it! Is it broken?’

‘If it was then it’d have hurt before you put pressure on it.’ She leant down closer to inspect it and touched my kneecap, making me yelp in pain. ‘Hm. I think your kneecap was dislocated, but it’s back where it should be now.’

‘Dislocated? That sounds really bad!’

‘It’s back where it should be so it’s fine. It’ll hurt for a few days but it’s not serious,’ she frowned and scratched her chin. ‘I could be wrong though. We need to get you to the school nurse right away.’

‘I don’t think I can wal-’ I cut myself off as the most amazing thought exploded into my mind and drowned in its joyful light.

I couldn’t play sports with my leg like this!

And I’d probably be allowed to go home early! And maybe even get to stay home for a day or two because I couldn’t walk to school! AH! This was amazing! Hah! HAH! Screw you Tom! You thought you’d hurt me but you gave me exactly what I wanted! Hahahahah-

‘Uhh…what are you looking so happy about?’ Jen’s voice cut through my joy and I blushed guiltily.

‘I-I’ll probably have to go home today to recover.’ I couldn’t stop myself from grinning, despite the pain. ‘Which means that I get to miss out on all of my classes for the day! And maybe even tomorrow too!’

‘Ohh. Yes,’ she laughed and ruffled my hair. ‘Probably don’t say that around your parents or any teachers though.’

‘Mm! I won’t.’

She nodded and then looked me over. ‘Anyway, we need to get going and you shouldn’t be walking on that leg. Come on, I’ll give you a piggyback.’

I blushed and scratched the back of my head. I really liked the idea of getting a piggyback from her, but I’d get laughed at if other students it. And I should try and be strong and deal with the pain!

‘Oh, no, it’s okay. School’s not too far so I c-’

‘No. You can’t walk on that leg,’ she swivelled around so her back was to me and her hands reached out. ‘Hop on.’

‘But I-’

‘Alex.’ Her voice became sterner. ‘I’m not letting you walk to school like that. Hop on.’

I swallowed and carefully slid towards her. ‘Alright. Uh…’

She leant back a bit so I could reach out and grab her shoulders, and then leant forward so I could more easily pull myself up. I put my legs against her waist and she slipped her arms under my knees, then slowly stood up.

‘There we go.’ She looked back at me and smiled. ‘That wasn’t so bad, was it?’

I shook my head and leant forward more. Her back was soft and squishy, but I could feel the strength of her muscles through it. ‘You’re really strong!’

‘I am, but you’re pretty light.’ She turned back to the front and began walking out of the alley. Her hips moved more than I expected and I wrapped my arms around her neck to stay steady, making her gasp. ‘Ah! Not so tight.’

‘Sorry!’ I quickly released my arms and squashed up against her back, feeling stupid. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine. Just try not to strangle…oh.’ She stopped in the middle of a laugh and stopped walking.

‘What’s wrong?’ I asked, and when she didn’t reply I pushed myself harder against her to see her face. ‘Are you okay? Did I hurt you?’

‘Alex.’ She looked back at me and her expression was scarily serious. ‘Can I…ask you something?’

I swallowed. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Are you on hormones?’

I froze. Why was she suddenly asking me that for? ‘Hormones? What do you mean?’

She bit her bottom lip. ‘Well, I can feel a set of small boobs squashed up against my back and…yeah. That boy kept calling you a bo-’

‘Gah!’ I pushed myself off of her back as my heart began to beat through my chest. I didn’t think she’d be able to feel my breasts against her back! I was an idiot! Crap crap crap! Even if she knew I was trans I didn’t want her knowing that I was on hormones. Nobody was supposed to know about that! ‘I don’t know what you’re t-talking about.’

‘You are trans, aren’t you?’ Her eyes bored into mine. ‘I thought you might be but I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t want to be rude and ask but…I didn’t think you’d be on hormones! I’m so luc-’

‘I’m not!’ I tried to wriggle off of her back but she wouldn’t let go of my legs, which was probably a good thing considering that I couldn’t stand on my own. ‘You’re just feeling weird things.’

‘I’m not, trust me. I know what boobs feel like,’ her eyes sparkled as she laughed in delight. ‘Ohh! There’s no way I’m going to take no for an answer now, sweetie. I need you.’

I swallowed. ‘F-for what?’

‘My sisters café, of course. You’re going to be our final waitress.’

My heart leapt painfully. She still wanted me to do that, even knowing I was trans? That was amazing, but…it was impossible. Not with my family.

‘I can’t do-’

‘I just said that I wouldn’t take no for an answer,’ she grinned and started moving again, making he wrap my arms back around her shoulders. ‘But I should probably give your more information, huh?’

I stared at her and just nodded, not sure what else to do.

 

 

 

Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!

Authors note: Sorry for the delay! I hope this chapter is just as good as the previous ones ^_^ I've been getting sick lately so I hope this chapter hasn't suffered. It just started getting cold over here and my body despises weather changes. I've been sniffling for days and my fingers are all cold and miserable. Luckily I have a purring kitten to warm them up with :D
Hopefully the next chapter will come out sooner than this one. I struggled a bit with getting this one right, I hope it doesn't show.
As always, comments and kudos and the like are very much appreciated <3 <3

 

 

Rise Grammar was surrounded by a large red-brick wall that ensured the students privacy, and the front entrance was signified by a silver gate. Rows of ancient oaks and small bushes were set between the wall and the front plaza, and as we passed through them Jen looked up at me and grinned.

‘So!’ she squeezed my legs and bounced forward a bit, scaring off a flock of sparrows sitting in a berry bush. ‘There’s not enough time for me to run you through everything about the café right now, so I’ll just go over the main things. Have you ever seen a maid café before?’

I dragged my attention away from the fleeing sparrows and looked at her in surprise. ‘I have! When I was younger mum took me to one in Melbourne.’

‘What did you think?’

I thought back and then gasped. ‘It was amazing! All of waitresses were super friendly and really pretty too! They were dressed in these special maid outfits that were so cute and frilly, and one of the women even let me feel the ribbon on her back. It was so silky and smooth! And she sat with us while we had our cake too and showed us pictures of her new kittens! They were all so fluffy and snuggly and cute!’

I beamed at the memory and wriggled happily on Jen’s back, accidentally stretching my leg out. Pain immediately ran through it and I yelped, quickly curling it back under me. Agh! What the hell was I doing?

‘Careful!’ Jen laughed and adjusted my position on my back as I turned bright red. ‘I take it you really enjoyed yourself at the café then, huh?’
‘I-I did.’ I rubbed my cheeks and looked at her. ‘Is your café is going to be like that one?’

‘Hopefully!’ She smiled widely. ‘Your reaction is pretty much exactly how we want our customers to feel. Happy, comfortable and full of nice memories. You’re in the age group we’re aiming for, actually, so it’s really good that you had that experience. We want the café to be for schoolgirls and women, so-’

‘Shouldn’t you get actual waitresses to work there then?’ I blurted out, remembering how confident and friendly the women who’d sat with mum and I was. ‘I don’t know how to serve people or make them happy and comfortable. I’m really bad with stuff like that…’

‘Aww, don’t say that sweetie. I’d love to be served by you.’ Her eyes sparkled and she squeezed my legs again. ‘Especially if you were wearing a cute maid’s outfit.’

My heart skipped a beat and I turned bright red as a delighted feeling ran through my stomach. She really wanted to see me wearing a cute maid’s outfit? Nobody had ever wanted to see me wearing girl’s clothes before!

I looked up at the sky and imagined myself dressed up in a maid’s uniform, one similar to the outfits the waitresses at the maid café I’d gone to had worn. Their uniform had been comprised of a black dress with white stockings and lace, complete with a beautiful pink bow, a pretty apron and black slightly-heeled Mary-Jane shoes. I blushed happily at the image that appeared in my head and almost wriggled about happily again before remembering what had happened last time.

Augh! It would be so amazing to actually wear a uniform like that! Especially since I’d never been able to dress as a girl before, at least not properly anyway. I’d tried on some of mum and Ashley’s clothes a few times but they were always so big that I felt stupid in them. Wearing them didn’t feel like wearing girls clothes; it felt like I was a little kid playing dress-up. Not an actual girl wearing girl’s clothes. Not…normal. It made me feel even more like a boy and I’d stopped trying to wear them years ago.

If Jen’s café actually had a maid’s uniform that would fit me…and it was really cute…then I needed to try it on! I might never get the opportunity to do something like this again, especially at this time in my life when my body mostly female. I couldn’t waste this opportunity!

‘Uhm…’ I clenched at Jen’s shoulders and swallowed. ‘Can…can I see the uniform?’

Her face immediately lit up. ‘Yes! I don’t have any pictures on me, but I was thinking, why don’t you come down and see the café tomorrow after school? It’s really close to here, just across from the mall. Sis will be there too so you can meet here and she’ll explain everything for you.’
I thought about that for a moment. Seeing the café couldn’t hurt, could it? It’d make it harder to tell Jen that I couldn’t do it, but that’d be a small price to pay for being able to dress as a girl.

‘Okay! If my leg’s better then I’d love to see the café.’

‘Great!’ Jen’s eyes burned with excitement and her movements became bouncier, forcing me hold on tighter. ‘You’re going to love it when you see it, trust me. Sis bought the place six months ago and has been working non-stop to make it perfect, and she’s done such an amazing job. It’s so warm and inviting inside, while still being fancy and elegant. I can’t wait to see what it looks like with customers inside!’

I smiled at her and then looked up as we left the rows of oak trees and entered the school’s gigantic plaza. It was always full of people and today was no exception, with students and a few teachers sitting on the various benches around the area and talking to each other. The school’s admin building was to the left of the plaza, a gigantic three-story tall black building that currently had a group of constructions workers out front. They were listening to a short female teacher as she gestured about unhappily, and a few students were looking at her in amusement and mimicking her arm movements. On the other side of the plaza was one of the schools ovals, a smallish one that had a year seven class on it preparing to play a game of field hockey. The school’s wall could be seen just beyond it, shrouded in neatly-trimmed hedges, and I could just see the groundskeeper heading towards them.

The rest of the school rose up in the distance, a massive cluster of similar black and silver classrooms with the IT building and library rearing up above everything else. Just behind them I could see the arm of some piece of construction equipment, and the distant roar of machinery could be faintly heard. I wondered briefly if they were destroying something or building a new classroom.

The nurses offices were just behind the admin building and Jen headed that way, following a path leading off from the plaza surrounded by neatly tended garden beds. The offices themselves were nestled between a small music studio and the councillor’s office, and as we approached we could hear the sounds of someone very talented playing “Moonlight Sonata” on a piano. Jen slowed down for a moment and I saw her smile somewhat sadly as she listened to the song, but before I could comment on it she shook herself and continued on to the offices.

‘Alright,’ she stopped in front of the wooden door that had “Nurses Offices” proudly engraved on a metal place set into it. ‘We’re not going to fit with you up there. Are you right to get down?’

I nodded and she gently lowered me down on the ground, and put her arm under my shoulder so I wouldn’t have to put any weight on my injured leg. The effort of keeping it held up off the ground made it ache even more but I didn’t want to complain so just smiled when she asked if I was okay. She nodded and went to open the door, but before she could it swung open and a dark-haired girl stormed out, nearly knocked us over in her anger. She stopped just in time and when she saw Jen her face broke into a surprised smile.

‘Oh my god! Jen!’ she brushed her sprawling back hair behind her ears and I saw that she had a rather attractive face, but her blue eyes and small nose were a dark red from crying. ‘Did you come to see me? Did Jess tell you what happened?’

Jen’s eyebrows rose and she looked at the girl in concern. ‘No, I didn’t know you were here. Are you okay?’

‘No! That bitch Andrea told everyone that Jess and I slept together at th-huh?’ she suddenly noticed me and her face immediately darkened. ‘Who the hell’s this?’

‘Umm…’ I swallowed and clutched just a little bit tighter to Jen’s waist. ‘I’m Alex. Who are you?’

She stared at me for a moment and then looked at Jen. ‘Why are you with her?’

‘She hurt her leg so I’m taking her to see the nurse.’ Jen frowned slightly and looked at me. ‘And Alex, this is Anya. She’s a…friend of mine.’

‘What? Just a friend?’ Anya smirked. ‘Really?’

‘Yes. Just a friend.’ Jen said each word slowly and Anya’s expression darkened even more.

‘Seriously? But y-ugh! Whatever!’ she angrily ran her hands through her hair and grabbed Jen’s free hand. ‘Can we go somewhere private and talk? I really need to talk to you!’

Jen pulled her hand out of Anya’s and grimaced. ‘I need to take Alex to the nurses.’

‘So what? You’re already at the nurses!’ She put her hands on her hips and looked down at me. ‘You can go in by yourself, can’t you little girl?’

‘I…yeah, I can.’ If it meant getting away from this awful girl then I’d crawl on one leg the nurses if I had to.

Jen, however, increased her hold on my arm and shook her head. ‘She’s not going in by herself. I need to talk her about something.’

‘About what?’ Anya sounded disgusted and I scowled at her. What the hell was her problem?

Jen sighed heavily and looked at Anya with hard eyes. ‘Nothing that concerns you. Look…we’ll talk at recess, okay? I nee-’

‘We’ve got basketball practice at recess though, and there’s no way that bitch Ashley will let us talk during it.’ Anya grabbed Jen’s hand again and looked desperately up at her. ‘Please! I need to talk to you now. It’s important.’

‘Ashley?’ I looked at her in surprise. Did she mean my sister Ashley? She and Jen were definitely old enough to be in the senior basketball team, and that was what Ashley captained.

‘Just-stop grabbing me!’ Jen snapped just as I spoke, and she once again tore her hand out of Anya’s grip. ‘Jesus Anya, calm down. What’s going on?’

‘I can’t say here! It’s personal!’ she shot me a hateful look and then looked pleadingly at Jen. ‘Jen, please…’

‘At recess,’ Jen’s eyes hardened and she took a step forward. ‘Now please get out of the way. I need to take Alex so see a nurse now.’

Anya’s eyes widened in shock and she looked like she was about to start crying again, but then pure hatred covered her face and she shoved her way past Jen.

‘You know what? Fuck you!’ she snarled, her voice starting to break. ‘You’re just as bad as everyone else! I wish I’d died instead of meeting you! Fuck you! I hate you!’

‘Anya! Don’t be-’

‘FUCK YOU!’ she screamed and ran off down the path, giving us one last hate-filled look before disappearing around the corner.

Jen looked after her with a look of pained surprise and swore under her breath. I gazed uncertainly at her and then tugged on her arm, not liking how upset she appeared to be.

‘Um…are you okay?’ I asked and she blinked, then look at me in surprise.

‘Sorry. I’m okay, don’t worry,’ she lifted a shoulder and let it drop back down slowly. ‘I’ll talk to her at recess and try to smooth things over. It’ll be fine.’

‘Why was she so angry?’

Jen’s lips tightened for a moment. ‘We used to date and it…it didn’t end well.’

‘Oh!’ I was surprised that Jen would so casually tell me that she was a lesbian, but even more surprised that she’d actually dated someone as seemingly unpleasant as Anya. ‘What happened?’

She rubbed her forehead tiredly and looked down at the ground for a moment. ‘I made a mistake and uh…and…well-’

‘Ah! Sorry! You don’t have to tell me!’ I said quickly, realising that I might have overstepped my bounds. I’d only known Jen for like twenty minutes; I really shouldn’t be asking her such personal questions.

She smiled and gently pushed me forward. ‘I don’t mind talking about it, but we should really get you looked at by a nurse before anything else.’

‘Mm! Okay.’ I was more than fine with not talking about Anya ever again.

I hopped forward and let her guide me through the door, trusting her strength more than my own. The sounds of Moonlight Sonata were cut off as soon as the door shut and a slight droning took its place, mixed in with the soft beeping coming from the computer behind reception. A line of comfortable grey chairs sat along the back of the room, behind a coffee table covered in health pamphlets, and the small reception desk was at the front. Two hallways were on either side of the reception, with the left one leading to the rooms containing beds for students to rest, and the right one containing the examination rooms and storage areas.

A nurse came down from reception just as we entered, and after I lied about having fallen over she quickly took me into an examination room and looked me over. To my relief she assumed that I was a girl, which meant that I didn’t have to answer any awkward questions or make up lies about why my body was so feminine. If a nurse did know that I was a boy then I usually just pretended that I was seeing a doctor about my body and was in the process of getting blood tests, but with some of them I’d been saying that for months now and one day they were going to figure out that I was lying. It wasn’t going to be to today though.

The nurse cleaned and bandaged my arm before carefully checked over my leg, which thankfully wasn’t seriously injured. It did require an icepack and some binding though, and I was overjoyed when she said that I was in no shape to attended classes. I eagerly gave her mum’s phone number and she went out into the reception to call her, leaving Jen and I alone. I was scared that she was going to bring up the fact that I’d lied to the nurse about how I’d been injured but she instead just smiled and patted my knee.

‘How are you feeling?’

‘Much better!’ I slowly stretched out my leg and beamed. ‘See? It doesn’t hurt as much anymore!’

‘That’s great sweetie,’ she sat down next to me and looked down at my injured leg. ‘I dislocated my kneecap last year and I was scared yours might have been injured that badly too.’

‘Oww!’ I hugged myself and shivered. ‘That sounds awful!’

‘It was.’ She looked down at her own knee and slowly ran her fingers over it. ‘It took months before it healed, and I missed out on most of the basketball season because of it. Then I broke my leg in the first match back and missed out on the entire season.’

‘Oh no!’ I almost went to hug her but stopped myself, not really sure if that was appropriate or not. She’d hugged me in the alley but that was because I’d been crying. Would it be weird if I hugged her just because she looked sad? I…didn’t have any friends so had no idea what was acceptable or not. I decided to err on the side of caution and kept my hands to myself, instead just smiling sadly at her. ‘Is your leg okay now?’
‘Yep! All of that happened last year.’ She patted her knee and easily stretched it out with a satisfied grin. ‘This year’s been great! My team’s on top of the interschool ladder at the moment and if things keep going this well then there’s no chance of us not being in the finals. There’s no way I’m going to let my leg get injured again now. N-’

‘Oh!’ I gasped, her talk of basketball reminding me of what Anya had said before. ‘Umm…Anya said that you had basketball practice at recess, and said that you wouldn’t be able to talk because of a girl named Ashley? Was she talking about Ashley Hayes? A tall girl with brown hair cut into a bob and freckles?’

‘Yeah! She’s our captain,’ Jen beamed as my heart sunk. ‘Do you know her?’

‘I do,’ I looked nervously down at my lap. ‘She’s my sister.’

‘What? No way!’ she laughed and leant down to look at me closer. ‘I’d have never guessed that. You two-’

‘Umm! So…uh…’ I rubbed my legs together and shifted about on the bed before looking desperately up at her. ‘She doesn’t know that I’m trans! S-so please don’t tell her!’

Jen blinked, and then frowned. ‘What? She doesn’t know? Why not?’

‘Because I haven’t told her. She’d be so angry if she knew!’ I swallowed and shifted about on the bed even more. ‘And she’d definitely tell my parents too and my dad would kill me if he found out! Especially if he learned about the hormones!’

‘Your parents don’t know?’ Jen stared at me in surprise and ran her hands through her hair. ‘Wait, so…so you’re…you’re a boy? At school? Like, you wear the boys uniform and everything? And at home your parents see you as a boy?’

‘Y-yeah.’ My voice shook as I said that and I grabbed the bottom of my shirt. ‘Nobody but you knows, that I’m trans or that I’m on hormones.’
She looked sharply down at me. ‘How are you on hormones then? Don’t you need your parents’ permission to take them?’

‘Uh…,’ I swallowed and avoided her eyes. ‘W-well, umm…Ashley’s hormones give her bad side-effects and her doctor won’t give her a new prescription, so she’s been throwing them out without taking them and I’ve-’

‘You’ve been stealing them.’ Jen stared at me and put a hand on my shoulder. ‘And I only I know? Alex…that’s…’

‘I know it’s dangerous!’ I tugged at my shirt and stared miserably at her as my throat tightened. ‘But I have to take them! My dad will never let me transition and this is the only chance I’ll ever have to being a girl, even just for a few months, so I have to take then! And I know it’s not going to last for-forever! I know! I know! But-but…’ Tears fell down my cheeks and I bit my bottom lip as sobs welled in my throat. ‘But please, don’t tell anyone! This is all I have! I just want to be happy! I want to be a girl, just for a little while longer! Just until…just…I…please…’

I blinked away tears as Jen put her hands on the sides of my face and leant down so that I was looking directly up at her. Her silky brown hair rained down on my face and I felt her breath on my face as she spoke.

‘Oh Alex…sweetie…,’ she breathed and brushed away some tears with her fingers. ‘You really are perfect, you know that? I’ve been looking for someone like you for such a long time. I can’t believe you're Ashley's little brother. You were right under my nose this whole time and I didn't even...ah...ah fuck...'

‘Huh?’ I stared at her blankly. ‘Wha-’

And then she leant down closer to my face, and…

To be continued

Thankyou for reading!

 

 

 

Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Things aren't always as simple as they first appear though, and Alex's life is full of seen and unseen dangers waiting to drag her down into the depths that they lurk within.

Authors note: I got this out way faster than I thought I'd be able to, which makes me suspicious that I've messed up somewhere. Hmm...
It's probably fine! Please let me know if something glaring jumps out though! Surely there's no glaring mistakes, right?
Right?
Thankyou as always for reading! And comments and kudos are always appreciated! <3

 

 
Just before our lips touched Jen stopped and her cheeks slowly filled with colour. She let out a soft breath and swallowed as her pupils grew larger, and I could almost hear the sound of her heart beating through her chest. I looked up at her as she caressed my wet cheeks with her hands and my own heart start to increase its pace. What was she doing? She…looked like she was about to kiss me…

‘Uhm!’ I gently grabbed her arms and smiled nervously as a fluffy, excited feeling embraced my stomach, making me rub my legs together. Agh! What was going on? ‘What are you doing?’

Jen leant just a little closer before she blinked, and then abruptly jerked away from me, her breathing getting even heavier. For a moment she looked scared, her eyes widening as her lips shook, and then she jumped off the bed and shakily brushed her hands thought her hair.

‘Shit! No. No…uh…,’ she put her hands on her hips and let out a frustrated breath. ‘Fuck! Not like this, not again. I need to-’

‘Jen?’ I rubbed my wet eyes and stared at her in utter confusion. ‘Are you okay?’

She spun around and looked at me with wild eyes. ‘Yes! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have done that. I-I want do things…properly this time.’

I tilted my head to my side. ‘What things? What are you talking about?’

She looked at me for a moment before leaping forward and grabbing my hands in a tight grip, her eyes staring deeply into my own. ‘Alex. I promise you, I won’t tell anyone that you’re on hormones. Not even Ashley.’

‘O-oh. Good!’ I smiled at her, having been so confused by her behaviour that I’d almost forgotten what I’d been so upset about. ‘Thankyou, I-’

We both jumped as the nurse came back into the room, and Jen quickly let go of my hands. The nurse looked at us suspiciously for a moment but apparently decided that she didn’t care what was going on and just told me that mum would be here to pick me up in ten minutes. That was far sooner than I’d thought possible and my heart lifted at the news, but at the same time worry gnawed at me. I hoped she wasn’t going to miss any work and get into trouble with her boss for coming to get me. Not just for her sake, but mine too. Dad would be livid when he found out that I’d gotten mum to miss work and take me home instead of calling him.

The nurse handed me the pink scarf that’d previously bandaged my arm and told us to wait in one of the rooms down the opposite hallway, which we did so after thanking her. These rooms were just for students to rest in so they were fairly bare, with only a small bed and table in them.

As soon as we entered I sat down on the blue bedsheets and watched as Jen closed the door behind her. I was starting to feel uncomfortable after what had just happened and wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. Had she really tried to kiss me? And if so, did that mean she was attracted to me? I had no idea how to deal with that! Nobody had ever shown the slightest interest in wanting to date me, let alone kissing me. She did want to date me, right? Isn’t that what people who kissed did? She said something about wanting to do it properly, so maybe she was talking about that. But what did that mean? How did you date someone properly?

She sat next to me and I looked shyly up at her, my heart skipping a beat as our legs rubbed together. She was ridiculously attractive, with her perfect complexion and beautiful face. Her lips were thick and shiny, her nose small and petite and her ocean-blue eyes ringed by long lashes, making her look older than she actually was. And her thick black hair…it was so silky and framed her face so well…

And her body…

‘Uh!’ my face burned as I looked at the outline of her breasts against her sports shirt and I quickly looked down at my lap. ‘What was you-what? Umm!’

I shook my head and felt my face somehow turn even redder. Crap! My mind was all over the place and I couldn’t focus it properly. I wasn’t used to situations like this!

‘Are you okay?’ Jen asked and I felt her hair brush up against mine as she leant down, making me shiver slightly.

I swallowed and then noticed the pink scarf in my hands. Ah! Something to talk about! Thank god.

‘H-here!’ I held up the scarf and looked up into her concerned face. ‘Thankyou for using this to cover my arm.’

‘Oh,’ she smiled and shook her head, ‘you should keep it, sweetie. Like I said before, it suits you far more than it does me.’

‘Huh? I can’t keep this. It’s yours.’

‘Not anymore. I’m giving it to you,’ She pushed my offered hand slowly into my chest and laughed softly. ‘Just make sure you wash out the blood before wearing it.’

I looked down at the scarf and clutched at it, the same tightness from before descending upon my chest. She was giving me her scarf! I was going to own something of hers! That made me so happy for some reason and I put the scarf back into my lap, beaming at her.

‘Thankyou!’ I said and then squeaked happily as she patted me on the head.

‘Awww! A cute scarf should be around a cute girl’s neck.’ she laughed and I squeezed the scarf even harder. Ahh...I loved it when she called me a cute girl…

‘So…’ I tried to calm myself down and focused on what she’d said in the other room. ‘You really won’t tell anyone that I’m on hormones?’

‘No.’ she shook her head and looked seriously at me. ‘That’s your secret to share, not mine. But, I am worried about you taking them without seeing a doctor. Hormones can be really dangerous.’

‘I know, but it’s fine.’ I avoided her eyes. ‘I’m okay.’

I hadn’t noticed any bad side effects from taking them, but I didn’t really know what I was supposed to be looking for so…yeah. I might not be okay at all, but at the moment I really didn’t care. So long as my body was female then it didn’t matter if I was getting cancer or had a blood clot or whatever. My life was going to be over when I had to stop taking them so if I died then, fine. Living as a boy wasn’t a life I wanted to live. It was hard enough just living like I was now.

‘Are you sure that nobody else has noticed besides me?’ Jen looked over me and I resisted the urge to cover my chest. ‘Like, I noticed as soon as I hugged you that your body wasn’t like a boys. You’re much softer and more curved around the hips than any boy I’ve ever known. And when I felt your boobs against my back I knew that you were on hormones.’ I grimaced at that, still feeling stupid for having let that happen.
‘Surely your parents or Ashley have noticed something? Or at least suspect something’s going on.’

I remembered Ashley trying to grab me before and kicked my legs out from under the bed, frowning. ‘I…I think some people have noticed that my body’s changed a bit, or that I’m more feminine than a boy should be, but none of them know that I’m on hormones. Nobody but you knows that I have b-b…uh...’

‘Boobs.’ Jen finished for me and I winced, making her laugh and rub me on the head again. ‘What are you so embarrassed about? It’s just a word, and considering that you actually have boobs you should probably get used to saying it.’

‘Y-yeah…’ I looked down at my lap and shrugged.

‘Do you have a bra or anything?’ she asked and I gasped.

‘What! No!’ I hugged my chest and stared at her in shock. ‘C-can we stop talking about this please?’

‘Wow,’ she laughed again and I scowled at her, but that just made her laugh even harder. ‘You’re way too sensitive sweetie! Aren’t you happy that you’ve got boobs? Isn’t that something you’d want from hormones?’

‘I…yeah, but…’

I’d been hiding my breasts for so long that talking about them out loud was just…scary. A part of me longed to talk about them, to ask Jen about bras and sizes, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It felt wrong, even perverse, like I was…like I was a sexual deviant just like grandpa thought people like me were! No!

‘Umm!’ I shook my head and shook from side to side and looked pleadingly up at Jen. ‘Can we please talk about something else?’

‘…alright,’ she sighed and patted me on the back. ‘But if you’re going to be girl then you’re going to have to get used to talking about boobs, Alex.’

‘Okay.’ My stomach clenched and I looked away from her.

I wasn’t going to be a girl long enough for that to ever happen, and I didn’t even feel like a girl now, despite my body. I really hoped mum would come soon so I could hug her and lose myself in her comforting presence. Today had been way too painful and confusing for me to be able to deal with.

‘So.’ Jen leant forward and caught my eye. ‘I was wondering if I could talk to your mum about the cafe when she gets here. It’d b-’

‘What?’ I stared at her in horror. ‘You can’t! She doesn’t know that I’m trans, remember? There’s no way she’d let me work at a maid café, and even just suggesting it to her would make her suspicious! And if she figures out that I’m trans then it won’t be too long before she figures out that I’m on hormones!’

Jen let out a heavy breath and leant down on her knees. ‘Well…then, are you okay with lying to her?’

I blinked and then nodded, unfortunately well used to lying to mum at this point. I couldn’t see how it was possible to lie about not working at a café without her immediately seeing through it though.

‘How would I lie about something like that?’

‘Easy.’ Jen grinned and put her hands together in front of her. ‘We’ll just pretend that you’re working in the back, preparing food and putting it in the display shelves and stuff, not waitressing. A kitchen hand or something. Your mum will need to sign some forms because you obviously can’t work without her permission, but they won’t explicitly state that you’re working as a waitress. Just that you’re working at the café for a certain amount of hours and stuff like that.’

A small bubble of hope appeared in my chest, but I tried not to let it grow too big yet. ‘But she’ll want to see me working though. And so will dad and Ashley and my brother!’

‘Yep! And when they do, we’ll put you in a boy’s suit or something and you can go in the back area.’ Her eyes sparkled mischievously. ‘They’ll think you’ve always been there, sorting cupcakes and the like. And because in that role you don’t serve anyone and are mostly hidden from view they won’t have much reason to stay around for very long, and when they leave you can just put the maids uniform on and go about like nothing happened.’

The bubble grew larger. ‘But what if they drop by unannounced and see me in the maids uniform?’

‘Then we can just pretend that you’re wearing it as a joke! Or that I forced you to wear it because I thought it’d look cute on you. Which it will.’ She rubbed my head and beamed as I squeaked. ‘See? It’ll be easy enough. And sis will be fine with it too so don’t worry. I’ll talk to her.’

I stared at her in awe. How had she come up with all of that so quickly? I couldn’t even think of one way to hide it from my family but she’d figured it out in less than two minutes! Whoa…

‘You’re really good at lying!’ I blurted out, and then blushed. ‘I mean! Not that that’s a good thing! Unless it is? Is it?’

She laughed and shrugged. ‘Lying’s fine if you do it for a good cause, and this is definitely a good cause.’

The bubble of hope exploded throughout me and a beautiful light consumed me. Oh my god! I could actually do this! I could actually be a waitress! I could wear a cute outfit and be a girl! Serve customers and work with Jen and other waitresses! And all the customers would see me as a girl! I’d be able to finally show off my body instead of hiding it under boy’s clothes!

I’d be doing something normal. Something a normal girl would do! I’d…oh…oh god…

My body began to shake and the fear and confusion I’d been feeling was washed away in an ocean of joyful excitement so bright and warm that I immediately drowned in its endless depths.

‘Is this really possible?’ I asked Jen as my eyes threatened to start tearing up again. ‘I can really be a maid? A waitress?’

‘Yes.’ She nodded and then gasped as I dove into her chest and squashed her with a tight hug. She put her arms around me and patted me on the back, her breathing starting to become heavier. ‘Alex, I-’

‘Thankyou! Thankyou! Thankyou!’ I looked up at her and my heart swelled with affection. Ahhh! I loved Jen! ‘You’re amazing. You’re the best person in the world! I love you! I never thought something like this would be possible! Thankyou! Thankyou! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Jen! You’re awesome! I love you so much! I’m happy! I’m…I’m happy!’

She turned bright red and looked away, a shaky smiled appearing on her face. ‘T-thanks sweetie…but, you…you should…’

Before I could continue my shower of praise there was a knock on the door and it opened to reveal mum. My heart exploded with joy and I pounced off of the bed and crashed into her stomach, giving her the tightest hug I could muster without alerting her to the presence of my breasts. Pain tore through my leg but it was tiny compared to the tsunami of joy ripping through me. Hee!

‘Whoa! Alex?’ mum staggered backwards with a laugh and put her hands on my shoulder. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I am! I am!’ I practically shouted and squeezed her joyfully. ‘I’m so happy mum!’

‘I got call from a nurse though, saying that you were hurt and needed a lift home.’ Mum’s expression began to darken and I blinked guiltily.

‘Oh! Uh….’ I quickly let go of her and held up my bandaged arm, and showed off my bound leg. ‘I hurt my arm and my leg, and they’re really sore!’

‘You don’t look like you’re in pain.’ Mum frowned and looked past me to Jen. She blinked in recognition and to my relief a smile replaced the frown. ‘Hi Jen! What are you doing here?’

‘She carried me here! On her back!’ I bounced over to Jen and hugged her arm. ‘Without her I’d have died! She’s amazing!’

‘You wouldn’t have died.’ Jen laughed, her face still red for some reason. ‘S-he just couldn’t walk so I carried him here.’

‘What happened?’ mum gently grabbed my arm and inspected it with a grimace.

‘I fell over on the way to school,’ Jen’s ability to lie inspired me so I decided to elaborate. ‘I was running because I’d stopped off to get some food and was going to be late, so I wasn’t looking where I was going accidentally ran into a dumpster!’

‘Owh, sweetheart.’ Mum breathed and gently touched the bandage, making me wince. ‘Is it bad?’

‘It is, but it’s not serious,’ I poked out my leg a bit. ‘My leg’s much worse. Jen said that my kneecap was dislocated!’

‘What?’ mum looked sharply at Jen.

‘It was dislocated, but it’s back where it should be now.’ Jen said quickly. ‘And it wasn’t far out of place so it’ll probably heal in a few days. He does honestly need to go home and rest, but probably just for a day. Maybe two if his leg is still really sore tomorrow.’

‘Hmm. That sounds pretty bad.’ Mum looked at me suspiciously. ‘Why are you so happy then?’

There was no way I could tell her why, at least not the whole truth, but that was fine. It was normal to get this excited about being able to work, right?

I let go of Jen’s arm and bounced over to mum. ‘Can I work at a café with Jen?’

Mum’s face went blank for a moment and then she looked confused. ‘What?’

Jen came over and smiled crookedly, putting an arm on my shoulder. ‘My sister is opening a café next week, and our…kitchen hand quit suddenly so we need to find a replacement, and I’ve been talking to Alex and thought that maybe sh-he could have the job.’

‘A kitchen hand?’ mum looked at me in surprise. ‘Do you even know how to help out in a kitchen?’

‘I do!’ I beamed, but then faltered. ‘K-kinda. Jen and her sister will teach me!’

‘Why do you want Alex?’ mum frowned at Jen. ‘Surely there must be hundreds of other, more experienced people you could hire for the job.’

‘My sister wants kids to work in the café.’ Jen squeezed my shoulder. ‘She wants the cafe to be like a hangout for schoolkids, and thinks that having schoolkids there will help with that. She has this thing she keeps saying, “For schoolkids, by schoolkids”.’

‘Ohh. That’s a neat idea.’ Mum smiled slightly. ‘You do know that someone Alex’s age can only work three hours on a weekday though, right?’

‘I do! And the café’s only going to be open in the afternoons on weekdays so we can easily work around that.’ Jen nodded.

‘Can I work there mum?’ I hugged her and looked up at her with the cutest expression I could make. ‘Please? I really want to!’

‘Why?’ she patted me on the head. ‘You’ve never shown any interest in working before.’

‘Because it’ll be fun! I’ll get to work with food and meet new people and make heaps of friends.’ I looked back at Jen. ‘And Jen is really nice and she needs me!’

Mum looked at me thoughtfully and didn’t say anything, so I hugged her tighter. Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes…

‘Are you free tomorrow afternoon?’ Jen asked and I looked at her hopefully. ‘I was going to show Alex the café so he could get a feel for it, and you should come along too. You can meet my sister and she’ll be able to answer any questions you have, and she’ll probably do a better of explaining what it’s all about than I can.’

‘That would be great, actually.’ Mum said, sounding relieved. ‘I finish work at four so I could be there at quarter past?’

‘That should be fine.’ Jen nodded. ‘Alex and I can look around the mall while we wait for you.’

‘Mm!’ my heart leapt and I wriggled about from side to side. ‘That sounds great!’

Mum laughed and ran her hands down the sides of my head. ‘Well, that’s all sorted then! Are you hungry, little man? I was thinking we could go someplace quiet and have a chat about some things.’

I nodded enthusiastically. ‘You don’t have to go work though?’

‘No, I took the day off after…well, I took the day off.’ She grimaced and I looked at her curiously.

‘Why?’

‘Because I needed to think about some things,’ her expression hardened for a moment but she quickly smiled and gently pushed me off her. ‘But we can talk about that while we’re eating. I want to talk to the nurse before we go, to see if I need to do anything with your injuries.’

‘Okay!’ I turned around and hugged Jen as hard as I could, not having to worry about her feeling my breasts. ‘Thankyou so much for today!’

‘It was my pleasure.’ She patted me on the back and I noticed once again that her face had grown red.

Was she embarrassed about something? Or was she attracted to me and I was making her want to kiss me like she’d nearly done before? If that was even what had happened. I still had no idea, and I found it hard to imagine that someone could be attracted to me of all people.

Oh well. I could deal with it tomorrow. Today was a happy, awesome great day! I didn’t want to think about confusing things anymore. I was going to have morning tea with mum and enjoy myself!

‘I’ll see you tomorrow!’ I grinned and then slowly let go of Jen. ‘Thanks again, Jen.’

‘No problem sweetie,’ she gently touched my head and then tugged on the scarf. ‘Make sure you look after this, okay?’

‘I will.’ I nodded and then turned around to bounce out of the room.

‘Bye Jen.’ Mum waved slightly and Jen waved back, smiling widely.
Oh my god.

It’d seemed impossible, but today had somehow turned into the best day ever! Ahh! I was actually going to get to be a waitress, and people would finally see me as a girl! And I was about to spend some time with mum after months of her stuck working! This was amazing! This was heaven! I hadn’t been this happy in years…

Nothing could possible ruin this day. After all the bad things that had happened, I deserved one day of happiness, right?

Right?

To be continued

Thankyou for reading! <3 <3
I am concerned that I made Alex's happiness a bit annoying, but I hope it's understandable from the character.

 

 

 

Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Things aren't always as simple as they first appear though, and Alex's life is full of seen and unseen dangers waiting to drag her down into the depths that they lurk within.
And sometimes, the dangers are right in front of her face but she doesn't recognize it until it's too late...

Authors note: The inevitable next chapter! Wah!
Thanks for all of the comments and kudos on my last chapter! It's nice to know that you're all liking it and that I didn't make Alex too annoyingly excited.
I hope you all enjoy this chapter too ^_^ And as always, comments and kudos are appreciated!
I'm really enjoying writing this so the chapters have been coming up quite fast, but the next one might take a while.
Also, this story will end up being quite long, considering that we're still only on the first day :3 It might get split into two parts when a certain event occurs.

 

 

Mum had parked across the street from the school’s entrance, so once she’d checked in with the nurse we headed out that way. The weather was far worse than it’d been before and dark clouds were infesting the sky, making it seem like it was early in the afternoon instead of mid-morning. I shivered as a gust of wind cut through the buildings and looked at the pink scarf in my hands. Would it be okay to wrap my arms up in it? There was a lot of blood staining the bottom half of it…but…

‘Is that Jen’s?’ mum asked when she noticed me fiddling with the scarf.

‘Yep! She used it to stop my arm from bleeding,’ I looked hesitantly at her for a moment before continuing. ‘Umm…she said that I could keep it.’

Mum raised an eyebrow in amusement. ‘She does know that you’re a boy, right? I noticed she kept almost calling you a “she” before.’

‘W-well, she thought I was a girl at first.’ I rubbed my arms awkwardly and looked up at mum, whose lips twitched.

‘Yes, I can see why she’d make that mistake.’ she slowed down a bit as we entered the plaza and sighed. ‘When the nurse called me she kept referring to you as my daughter, and I thought for a moment that Ashley was the one who’d been hurt, not you. I didn’t bother corrected her. I’m so tired of having to tell people that you’re not my daughter.’

‘Oh,’ I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that so just smiled sadly. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s not your fault. You can’t help how you look. I…I know that.’ She looked at me strangely, like I was some strange new creature she’d just discovered, and I started to feel uncomfortable.

‘What?’ I asked with a nervous laugh.

She frowned up at the sky for a moment before brushing her brunette hair behind her ears and looking down at me. ‘This really isn’t the best place to talk, and I don’t think a café would be either. Would you be fine with us just going home? We could pick up some pizza on the way and eat it while we talk?’

I gasped as my stomach groaned excitedly, and a delighted grin lit up my face. Morning pizza! That was the best kind of pizza! Hee! I didn’t think this day could get any better but it just had! Ahh! W-

Oh. Wait. Dad was at home! Crap…

‘Umm…,’ my excitement faded and I grimaced. ‘I’d ra-’

‘Dad’s not home, don’t worry.’ Mum smiled slightly and I blushed guiltily. She read me way too well! ‘He’s gone out to meet with some old work friends, and is probably going to stay late drinking with them.’

‘Really?’ I was glad he wasn’t home, but it was surprising. ‘I thought he was going to spend the day looking online for work.’

‘So did I, but apparently he’d rather spend all of the money I’ve been saving up on beer and pub food for his friends. It’s…’ her lips tightened and she clenched her hands into fists, her eyes shining with anger. I fully expected her to go into an angry tirade about how awful dad was and prepared myself, but after a few seconds she let out a frustrated breath and relaxed her hands. ‘You know what? Let’s not talk about your father. It’s good that he’s not home. It means that we’ll actually be able to have some privacy for once, so it’s…fine.’

‘Mm!’ I beamed up at her as she ran a hand down my hair and then rubbed my back.

‘Why don’t we watch those anime movies you keep talking about? Mad…magiker something?’ she frowned and scratched her cheek. ‘Whatever it’s called. The one with the cute cat thing and the little girls who fight weird…witch stuff.’

I gasped and clutched her arm. I’d been trying to get her to watch anime with me for years! ‘The Madoka Magica movies? You’ll watch them with me? Really?’

‘Sure!’ We left the plaza and entered the rows of oak trees, which were shaking loudly from the ever-increasing wind. ‘You’re always asking me to watch them with you and now that I have the time then why not?’

‘All three of them?’ I asked hopefully. ‘And with subtitles? Because you have to watch them in subtitles to get the best experience!’

‘Maybe just one for now,’ she smiled wryly. ‘But sure, I don’t mind subtitles.’

I stared at her with wide, excited eyes. ‘Are you serious? Because you never want to watch anime with me! You think they’re too dark and weird a-’

‘Well, I’ve changed my mind,’ she wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me against her side. ‘So let’s go and eat some pizza, watch anime and relax for a while, hey? God knows we both need it.’

I squealed joyfully and dove into her stomach, not caring that some students were probably watching us. Mum was AWESOME!

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The next couple of hours were like a dream. A warm, hazy dream of a time long before dad lost his job and decided to make us all miserable with his presence. Mum bought a large pepperoni pizza covered in delicious cheese and then set us up in the living room, closing all of the doors and the window’s blinds. Then she wrapped me up in a thick pink blanket to protect me from the days’ awful cold, put on the movie and snuggled up next to me while we ate pizza. It was…perfect. Everything I’d been missing so painfully over the past six months.

Mum and I used to have movie nights together every Tuesday and Thursday, just the two of us. Ashley had basketball practice those nights, Jason wasn’t interested in movies that didn’t contain gigantic monsters and dad worked late back then, so it was just mum and I. She’d make us hot chocolate and we’d snuggle up under the pink blanket and watch whatever movie caught our eye, usually a fun animated one or a younger comedy. Ashley would join us during the school holidays and sometimes Jason would come out of his room if a particular movie caught his attention, but for the most part mum and I were by ourselves. It was our special bonding time and the best parts of my week. I’d never really had any friends, even when I was in primary school, and when Tom had started bullying me in year seven movie nights became the only happy moments of the week. They were a tiny boat of happiness atop of a sea of seething pain and misery.

And then dad got fired and ruined everything.

After losing his job he spent all of his time in the living room watching TV and refused to leave when mum and I wanted to watch a movie. So, we’d tried to watch some movies with him, but that didn’t end well. He didn’t like any of the movies we watched and made his distaste very clear, be it by snorting disdainfully at any emotional moments, making rude jokes about the women or mocking mum and I for liking such things. So we’d tried watching a movie he liked, a gross comedy full of toilet humour, drugs and alcohol, but not even Ashley had found it funny and we’d all left the room to let him watch it by himself. He’d gotten pissed off after that and banned movie night, saying that unless we could watch his stupid movies then nobody was going to watch anything.

So now Tuesday and Thursday nights were just like every other day, lonely and miserable. I stayed in my room or watched Jason play video games while mum went to bed early and Ashley played basketball. Dad was the only person who was in the living room, sitting in his armchair and watching his stupid comedies or replays of football matches, all the while shouting or laughing uproariously. Sometimes he even brought his awful drinking friends, who were just as loud and as unpleasant as he was. It was hell.

But he wasn’t here now! It was just mum and I, wrapped up in a blanket and eating pizza while watching an awesome movie in a dark room, just like it used to be. Just like it should be.

I’d seen the Madoka Magica movies so many times in the past that I could almost recite them line by line, so I found myself starting to drift off half-way through the first one. Mum seemed to be actually enjoying them though and didn’t talk too much, her eyes fixated on the cute magical girls fighting on the TV. I smiled and squashed myself up against her side, then slowly closed my eyes as she smiled back at me. She moved up a bit so I could get more comfortable and I made a happy squeaking sound as she rubbed my head. My arm and leg were still sore but the pain seemed so far away now, and I soon found myself floating off into a fluffy half-sleep.

I thought about being a waitress and squeaked, once again imagining myself dressed up in a maid’s uniform. I couldn’t believe that I was actually going to be working at a maid’s café! Sure, it wasn’t certain yet, but I couldn’t imagine mum saying no. I couldn’t even imagine dad saying no, considering how often he lectured me about men needing to be strong and responsible. Having a job was definitely responsible! It seemed impossible that I wouldn’t be able to work there. With Jen…

A warm feeling squeezed at my heart and I felt myself blush. Jen was unlike anyone I’d ever met before. In one day she’d changed my future from a dark, dreary place into one full of hope and happiness. And more than that, she’d saved me from Tom and…I think she was my friend. We had to be friends now, right?

She was my first friend! Hee….

I think she also tried to kiss me…

That was…kind of strange. Maybe…

Maybe not…

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‘Alex? Are you awake?’ I felt mum rub my head and squeaked tiredly. ‘I’d like for us to talk for a moment.’

‘Muh? Nuh?’ I cracked open my eyes and squinted up at her. ‘Talk?’

‘Yes. Before it gets too late and Jason and Ashley come home,’ she smiled sadly and put her hands under my shoulders, then gently lifted me up onto my knees. A small stab of pain ran through my injured leg but it quickly faded. ‘I know you’re tired but you can sleep after we’re done, okay? I just…need to get this out of the way now.’

‘Owh,’ I blinked tiredly and then rubbed my eyes. I looked at the TV and saw that the end credits for the second movie were playing. ‘Oh…did you like them? The movies?’

‘I did, actually.’ She said as she turned herself around so that we were facing each other on the couch. ‘Much more than I thought I would. They were really interesting.’

‘Can we watch the third one? It’s my favourite!’

‘Maybe.’ She brushed my hair behind my ears and patted me on the head. ‘I want to talk first.’

I stifled a yawn and rubbed the last of the sleep from my eyes. ‘About what?’

She licked her lips and sat straighter on the couch. ‘Well…I need to ask you some…personal questions. Is that okay?’

‘Okay…’ I scratched the back of my head and nodded slowly.

She smiled tightly. ‘Thank-you. Right…so…’

‘What?’ I asked quietly when she trailed off.

‘Sorry! I just…’ she sighed and adjusted her position on the couch slightly then looked down at me with a slightly pained expression. ‘I need to ask, have you noticed anything strange happening to your body?’

‘Huh?’ I tilted my head to the side. ‘Strange how?’

‘Like…,’ she looked down at her lap and then back up at me. ‘Have you noticed that your hips have become wider? And your skin smoother, and softer?’

…

…

Oh no…oh no…

The bottom dropped out of my stomach and I froze. She’d noticed. She’d noticed! Of course she had! If Ashley had then mum definitely had as well. Oh god! Did she know I was on hormones? No, no, if she did then she’d have asked me that right away. Right? She wouldn’t ju-

‘Alex?’ she asked softly and I flinched, fixing my eyes firmly on my lap. ‘I’m not trying to embarrass you sweetheart. I’ve just noticed over the past couple of months that your body’s become more…uh…l-’

‘Like a girls.’ I finished shakily, for some reason terrified of hearing her say it out loud.

‘Yes! You’ve noticed?’

I looked shyly up at her. ‘A-a little bit…’

‘How long have you noticed the changes?’

‘I don’t….I don’t know. A few months?’ I shrugged weakly.

‘I’ve noticed them for a while now,’ she bit her bottom lip and looked down to the side for a moment. ‘I wasn’t sure at first, and I’ve been so busy lately that I haven’t had much time to really think about them, but…your chest,’ she gestured at it with a shaky hand. ‘For the past month now I’ve noticed that it seems to be…growing an-’

‘Wh-wha? Wh?’ I spluttered nervously and felt a cold chill run down my spine. ‘Huh?’

‘Do you…have breasts?’

The world shook around me and a horrible ringing sound appeared in my ears as my stomach clenched painfully. How the…how the hell had she…what? She’d noticed? But I’d been so careful! How?!

‘Don’t be embarrassed!’ She put her hands on my shoulders and smiled comfortingly, but her lips shook slightly. ‘W-’

‘Why are you asking me these things?’ my breathing was becoming heavier and my mind was spinning with the fear of what was about to happen.

‘Because I’m scared that there’s something wrong with your body,’ she squeezed my shoulders and then patted my hair in what was usually a comforting way, but it just sent cold shivers down my back. ‘You’re not developing like Jason, you’re developing like…well, like I did when I was your age.’

Despite my fear a delighted thrill ran through me at that, but I made sure it didn’t show on my face. I was growing up like mum was? That was what I’d always wanted, ever since I was a child. To be like her…

‘I noticed about five months ago that your skin was becoming softer,’ she continued and leant back a bit, finally stopping her patting of my head. ‘But I was too busy dealing with your father and working longer hours to really pay it any attention. And then your hips started to widen and your face got prettier and I should have done something then but, I thought that it was just a….I don’t know, a weird quirk of puberty or something and your body would figure itself out eventually, but…it didn’t.’ She swallowed and dragged her fingers through her hair, messing it up a bit. ‘Like I said, I noticed your chest getting just a little bit bigger throughout the last two months. I don’t think even you noticed until recently, because your chest suddenly became flatter last month and the lumps disappeared. Have you been hiding them?’

I nodded slightly, feeling sick. I knew she was perceptive but this was…horrible…

‘So…you are…developing breasts then?’

I swallowed and shrugged. ‘I…I don’t now…’

‘Then…Alex.’ She looked at me and sighed heavily. ‘I need to see your chest.’

‘W-what? No!’ I hugged myself and slid away from her. ‘It’s fine! You don’t need to see it!’

‘I do,’ she said with a pained expression. ‘It’s not normal for boys to develop breasts. Obviously. You could have some kind of skin disease, or the lumps could be cancerous growths o-’

‘C-cancerous growths?’ my eyes bulged and I shook slightly. ‘Really?’

‘It’s possible. I’m going to take you to see a doctor, but I wa-’
‘A doctor?’ I squeaked in horror. There was no way I could hide the fact that I was taking hormones from a doctor!

‘Yes. I’ve made an appointment with a specialist for next week, but I wanted to talk to you beforehand, and check your body myself,’ she smiled comfortingly. ‘I thought that it’d be easier like this, so you might not have to undress in front a stranger.’

‘I don’t want to undress in front of anyone!’

‘I know sweetheart, but there’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about,’ she put a hand on my cheek. ‘Your body is just…well…things like this happen sometimes, and it’s okay. Things go wrong with people’s bodies and it’s not bad. I’m not going to laugh at your and neither will the doctor. I just want to make sure that you’re okay. I’m really worried about you, Alex. This is serious.’

I stared at her and suddenly felt the urge to burst out laughing. This was insane! She knew that my body was changing, something I’d been absolutely terrified of for months, but she didn’t know that it was my fault! I’d never expected this. I was sure that once she noticed the changes in my body she’d figure out what was going on, but she hadn’t. She thought that I was ashamed of the changes, and probably thought that I hated them when it was the exact opposite.

Should I tell her the truth? If she really was going to take me to see a doctor then she’d know what I was doing soon enough, and be even angrier at me for lying. I could tell her, right now, and…

And what? Ruin my life prematurely? There was no way she’d let me stay on hormones. She might be understanding and sympathetic, but she wasn’t going to break the law for me. She’d still take me to see a doctor and I’d have to see psychiatrists and put on waiting lists and it’d probably be years until I was able to legally take hormones, if at all. And dad was going to find out and he’d be furious. He would never let me start hormones!

So no. I couldn’t tell her.

But…she was going to find out anyway! So why not just tell her now? She’d appreciate it if I was honest instead of being forced to tell the truth later.

She was going to be so angry though...

‘Alex.’ Mum softly squeezed my cheek. ‘Do you understand? Will you take your shirt off for me?’

Crap! Crap! Shit! Taking off my shirt couldn’t hurt, right? She already knew what my body was like so there was no point in hiding it, and I was kind of scared now that she’d mentioned cancerous lumps. Having her look at them shouldn’t hurt. And it’d give me more time to think about whether or not to tell the truth.

‘Okay!’ I jerkily grabbed the end of my shirt and looked at her. ‘Umm…a-are you sure.?’

‘Yes.’ She nodded and I grimaced.

Okay. Alright. Okay!

I turned my back to her and attempted to throw my shirt off in one huge gesture, but it got stuck on my head and I yelped in surprise, then struggled with it for a moment before throwing the stupid thing against the wall and growling.

‘Ugh. Umm…’ I hugged my chest and started shaking nervously as I felt mum’s eyes on my back. Was I seriously going to do this? I’d been trying to hide my body for so long, and now I was just going to show it to her? This didn’t feel real…

‘It’s okay sweetheart,’ Mum said softly. ‘Turn around. Let me see.’

…

‘O-okay.’ I covered my breasts and slowly turned around, shaking even worse. I felt slightly lightheaded and winced as mum’s eyes widened when she saw the hourglass shape of my body.

‘Oh…’ she breathed and ran her hands through her hair, letting it fall messily over her face. Then she gently grabbed my arms and after a moments resistance I let her pull them away from my chest so she could see my breasts. Small, nearly tennis-ball sized lumps that I’d been trying to hide from everyone ever since they first started growing. I hadn’t done a very good job.

And to my horror, mum gasped when she saw them and looked sharply up at me.

‘What’s wrong? Is it bad?’ Fear clutched at me and started shaking so badly that pain ran through my sore knee. ‘Are they cancerous lumps?’
‘I don’t…know’ she swallowed and looked back down at them with huge eyes. ‘They look like normal breasts to me. But…Alex…shit…’

‘What?’ I couldn’t stand it anymore and covered up my chest again, my face burning.

‘It’s just…I didn’t think…you look just like a girl…small and slender and…and not what…this isn’t…this isn’t…’ She slowly got off the couch and let out a haggard laugh. ‘Oh fuck! I knew I’d missed something but I’d hoped…no, no…I was so wrong…’

‘M-mum?’

She grabbed my shoulders in a painfully tight grip and when I flinched backwards she held me steady. Her eyes were full of a burning rage that I’d never seen before and tears started streaming down my face as I shook violently.

Oh no.

‘I’m going to ask you a question, Alex,’ she said coldly. ‘And I need you to tell me the truth. I’ll know if you lie to me. I always know when you lie to me. So don’t lie to me!’

Oh god. Oh fuck! What had I done? She knew! She’d trick-

‘Are you taking your sisters birth control pills?’

 

 

 

Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Unfortunately, things are falling apart in his home life and they get even worse when his mum finds out that he's been taking hormones.
But she doesn't react how he'd expected her to.

Authors note: I was wrong about how long this would take! I already had this scene planned for a long time so it flowed really well in my head, and because I love writing dialogue and this chapter is 96% dialogue then...MEOW! I had a lot of dialogue markers and descriptions in my notes too which helped.
It also helped that I didn't have anything on today. Free day ^_^ The rest of the week will be different though so I don't think I'll be able to get a new chapter out as fast. Although I said that last time and...yeah :P Who knows.
Thankyou so much for all of your support on the previous chapters :D Please tell me if there's anything wrong with this story, grammatical or narratively. Feedback is always very helpful to me.
And as always, comments and kudos are very much appreciated! Even if I don't get to reply to all comments because I forget >.> And it's hard to see new comments sometimes.

 

 

I opened my mouth but only a scared squeak came out, and a spasm of fear shook my body as mum stared expectantly at me. My mind was a frozen mass of terror, scarcely able to comprehend what was happening.

‘Alex,’ she glared at me through the messy strands of brown hair that had fallen over her face. ‘Answer me!’

‘W-why do-’ I hiccupped through my tears and looked down at the ground, trying to find a way out of this. ‘Why do you t-think I’m-I’m taking Ashley’s tablets?’

‘Because last night,’ mum swallowed and her grip on my shoulders increased, ‘she asked me if she could get a new prescription for her pills and admitted that she was just throwing the current ones out without taking them. And when I asked her to show me the ones she was currently taking so we could make sure we got her a different one, she couldn’t find them. Because someone took them!’

‘I-I-I-’

‘And I finally realised why your body had become so feminine,’ Mum continued over me, her voice starting to become unsteady. ‘But I didn’t think it’d be this bad! Y-your body…oh fuck, Alex! How long…?’ I whimpered in pain as her nails dug into my shoulders. ‘Since she first started throwing them out? Last year! Or only in the last few months?’

I drew in a trembling breath and looked into her furious eyes. There was no point in lying anymore and I was too scared to even try. ‘Since m-may last year.’

‘Eleven months ago?’ her voice came out strained and horrified. ‘Nearly a year?’

‘I’m s-sorry!’ I grabbed her arms and tried to calm my breathing. ‘But you don’t understand! I had to take them!’

‘Why? Did you know that they’d do this to you?’ I nodded jerkily and she gritted her teeth. ‘You did? You knew they’d make you grow up like a girl and you still took them?’

‘I…I had to!’

‘Why?’

‘Y-you know why!’ I sobbed and pulled on her arms, feeling like I was about to throw up.

‘Say it,’ she said softly. ‘I need to hear you say it.’

I shook my head and hiccupped again. ‘M-mum, pleas-’

‘Say it!’ she angrily shook me and I whimpered, my will finally breaking.

…

‘I want to be a girl.’ I said softly, and then gasped, my voice seeming to somehow echo around the living room. I swallowed and said it louder. ‘I-I want to be a girl!’

A pained expression crossed mum’s face and she shoved me backwards on the couch, finally letting go of my shoulders. I moaned, grabbed my shirt and slipped it on as she stared blankly at me. My heart felt like it was going to rip itself out of my chest and I could barely breathe. I’d said it…the thing I’d been hiding from everyone for as long as I could remember…I’d said! I’d said it!

And it felt…awful.

I looked fearfully at mum as she stared at me, and after what felt like an hour she finally spoke.

‘I know,’ her voice was harsh and ragged, and tears started falling from her eyes. She dropped back down on the couch next to me with a groan and tapped her hand against her legs. ‘Oh, god…Alex…what the fuck have I done?’

‘W-what?’ That wasn’t what I’d expected to hear. ‘You?’

She leant forward and put her head between her hands and didn’t speak for almost a minute. I could hear her trying to control her tears and just when I was about to ask her if she was okay, she finally spoke.

‘I didn’t know what to do so I just ignored it for as long as I could,’ she said, her voice calmer than before but still shaking. ‘But I shouldn’t have, because it’s my fault it’s even happening! Right from the start…Ashley and I never got along even when she was little, and Jason was just like a normal boy back then. But you…Alex…you were like the-the daughter I always wanted so I…encouraged you to be…like you are.’

I blinked, not sure I’d heard her right. ‘Mum?’

She reached out and put a hand on my head, and I saw that she was crying again, her eyes dark and haggard.

‘You were always so affectionate and happy, constantly clinging to me and wanting attention. Wanting to sleep together at night, trying on all of my clothes and jewellery, playing with my hair…talking about how you were going to grow up to be just like me…and I needed that! I wanted it!’ Her voice broke and she gritted her teeth to fight off a sob. ‘But your dad kept yelling at you and trying to make you stop, and you did, sort of. You stopped saying you wanted to be like me but you were still so snuggly and cute and I…I needed that at the time. Your father was…he was like he was now, unemployed and just…just a fucking cunt! I had to pay for everything and it was so painful, and he didn’t even care! I was so lonely and I didn’t…that part of you…the part of the daughter I needed, I couldn’t let it go away so I…I nurtured it. I didn’t bother trying to make you more like a boy, teach you how to be a man or any of that shit. I just…I just…failed.’

Her face fell and painful sobs racked her body. I had no idea what to do and just stared at her in shock. I’d never seen mum like this before. She was always so composed and elegant, occasionally getting mad but never losing control of her emotions. Had she always been this sad, but wasn’t able to show it? And what did she mean, she needed me when I was younger? How could she have been lonely when she had her work friends, and Ashley and Jason? And why was getting money painful?

‘Mum, I-’

‘This is all my fault! I fucked you up so badly!’ she gasped through a sob and looked at me in pain. ‘I treated you like my daughter for so many years and you ended up thinking that you were my daughter!’

‘W-what? That’s not…’ I scratched my head and stared blankly at her.

‘It’s like your father’s always saying,’ her expression darkened and she buried her face in her hands again. ‘I don’t treat you like a teenage boy, I treat you like a ten year old girl. I’m always hugging you and letting you snuggle up next to me and calling you sweetheart and-’

‘I like it when you do that though! Dad’s wr-’

‘You shouldn’t like it! You’re a teenage boy!’ she stared accusingly at me and I swallowed.

‘I…but I don’t want to be one though.’
‘I know! And that’s my fault!’

‘How?’

‘I just said how! Because I kept treating you like a girl!’

‘But I want to be treated like that! I love how you treat me!’

‘Only because I keep reinforcing it!’

I tilted my head to the side. ‘Huh?’

‘Alex,’ she rubbed her eyes and focused on me. ‘Our relationship is wrong. It’s bad. You’re acting wrong and it’s getting worse and worse. So it needs to stop.’

An icy pit appeared in my stomach. ‘What?’

She grabbed my injured arm and I flinched at how rough she handled it. ‘I know that this didn’t happen from you falling, just like all the other times you’ve been injured at school in the past. I’m not stupid! You’re being bullied! Every week because of how you are. Because of who I let you be.’

I shook my head. ‘N-no, I’m bullied because of how I look!’

‘Yes!’ her eyes widened and she squeezed my arm, making me cry out in pain. ‘Exactly! You don’t look at all like a boy! I should have cut your hair years ago but I never did! I liked that you looked like a girl! Like a…like a little version of me. So I didn’t do anything about it, didn’t encourage you to play sports or eat a lot or anything. Just let you be small and cute and girly, and because of that you’re being harassed at school! Beaten up and insulted and almost killed!’

‘But-that’s not your fault!’ I jerked my arm out of her grasp and cradled it while frowning at her. ‘I love how I look! It’s people like Tom’s fault, not yours. He hurts me, not you!’

Mum’s eyes narrowed. ‘Who’s To-’

‘It’s not important.’ I grabbed her closest arm and tugged on it. ‘I’m me, mum! You didn’t make me like this. I want to be a girl because of…w-well, I don’t know! Because that’s who I am! Not because of you. I don’t understand why you think that this is your fault.’

‘That’s because you’re too young to understand. But you will one day though,’ she sighed heavily and looked at my chest. ‘Just…look at you. You’ve gone so far as to steal hormones and change your body just to be like me. That’s so fucked up! I should have done something about this years ago. It’s gone way too far. Do you even know how dangerous those tablets are?

‘I do, bu-’

‘Shit!’ she abruptly got up off the couch, her eyes widening. ‘Where are they anyway? In your room?’

‘Ah! Umm!’ I swallowed and stared down at my knees, the cold feeling in my stomach growing. ‘I don’t know.’

‘Alex. Where are they?’ I felt her eyes piercing through my skull but I couldn’t answer. ‘Fine then! If you don’t answer then I’ll find them myself.’

I heard her open the living room door and my stomach leapt painfully.

‘Wait! No!’ I jumped off the couch and then fell down as my sore leg collapsed under me. ‘Oww! Shit! Wait!’

I ignored the pain in my leg and hobbled after her, panic fuelling me. If she found the hormones then I was dead. My body would go back to being a boys’ and…and…no! No! I couldn’t live with that! I had to stop her!

She was already in my room by the time I got there, but was thankfully going through my wardrobe instead of the bookcase. I carefully went to my bed and sat down, deliberately avoiding looking at my bookcase and Sally hiding on the bottom shelf. Would mum find her? And if she did would she think to look inside of her? All I could do was wait…

I stared at mum as she went through a box of old Nintendo games and tried to think of something to say to distract her, or to change her mind about finding them. Or at least make her realise that this wasn’t her fault! If she thought that I wanted to be a girl because of how she raised me then she was going to start treating me completely different, and that was just as bad as losing the hormones. Mum was the only person I had in my life who I truly loved and if I lost that, lost her love her and support, then I might as well just kill myself. I could barely even deal with dad! If she ended up acting like him then…oh god…

‘Mum-’

‘Not now Alex.’ She snapped as she threw the box to the side to dig through some old clothes.

‘I think you’re wr-’

‘I said not now!’ she shouted and I squeaked in fear, but didn’t relent.

‘No! You don’t understand!’ I said as loud as I could and she sighed, then looked back at me.

‘What don’t I understand?

I clenched my hands in my lap and swayed from side to side as I tried to control my emotions and figure out what to say.

‘I’m…I’m not happy, mum. I’ve been…for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a girl, and it hurts so much! The hormones are the only thing that’s keeping me alive right now! Them and you! You! I need you! Things have been so awful since you started working more hours! I was so happy when you were around more, and we had movie nights and dinner together and you stayed with me until I fell asleep. I can’t lose what little of our relationship we still have! I need you to hug me and call me sweetheart a-’

‘Alex,’ Mum looked at me sadly. ‘Do you know how wrong that sounds? You’re a teenage boy. You shouldn’t be talking about me like that. You shouldn’t need me like that.’

‘But I do!’

She winced and put a hand to her forehead. ‘That’s because you haven’t made any friends at school. Because of how you look and act, but that’s going to ch-’

‘I’d make friends if I was a girl!’ a small spark of hope ran through my chest as an idea occurred to me. ‘I-If I went to school as a gi-’

‘You can’t be a girl.’

My heart stopped beating for a moment and I just stared at her.

‘You can’t be a girl, Alex,’ she got up and came over, the anger on her face from before replaced with a deep, terrible sadness that made me start to cry just looking at it. ‘You know that. Your father will never let it happen. My father will never let it happen. They will make your life a living hell because of it a-’

‘What about you?’ I interrupted weakly.

‘It doesn’t matter what I want.’ she laughed weakly.

‘Yes it does! You wanted a daughter wh-’

‘That was wrong! And you’ve suffered because of it!’

‘I haven’t!’ I jumped off the bed, almost stumbling over my injured leg, and stood in front of her. ‘You’re wrong! You haven’t done anything bad to me! I’m only even alive because of how you’ve treated me! Without you or the hormones then I’ve got nothing! I might as well kill myself if y-’

‘Don’t say that!’ mum hissed but I violently shook my head.

‘No! No! I’ll kill myself if you take my hormones and treat me like dad does!’

‘You don’t mean that.’

I was pretty sure I did mean it but my voice broke and another wave of tears consumed me. I didn’t want to kill myself! But I didn’t want to be a boy either! And I couldn’t lose mum! Not like this…

‘Mum,’ I whimpered and sniffed miserably. ‘Please. Don’t do this.’

She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, looking around the room as if searching for a reply to what I’d just said. Then she blinked and walked past me to the bookcase, her eyes focused on the lower shelf.

Oh shit!

‘Sally,’ she said quietly, kneeling down and pulling the soft toy from the bottom shelf. ‘You loved her so much when I first gave her to you.’

‘Wait! M…’

I trailed off as she turned sally over and ripped out the pins holding her stomach open, then shoved her hand inside. There was an awful crinkling sound and then she pulled out the bag of hormones I’d been hiding for so long, a look of displeased satisfaction on her face. I rushed at her and tried to grab the bag but she easily avoided my hand and got back to her feet.

‘I’m flushing these down the toilet.’ Her voice was a cold fury and she clenched her hand over the bag. ‘And I’m going to talk to Ashley so this doesn’t happen again.’

A pained groan ripped from my chest and I grabbed at her hand again. ‘No! Don’t!’

‘These could be killing you, Alex!’

‘I don’t care!’

She looked at me in surprise and then turned away. ‘Well, I do. This is for your own good.’

‘No it’s not!’ I grabbed her arm and tried to make her stop. ‘You’re wrong! I need them! I need to be a girl! Don’t do this to me!’

She looked back at me for a moment but continued walking. ‘I’m trying to help you.’

‘No you’re no! You’re killing me!’

She stopped in the doorway and pulled my hand off of her, her eyes cold and harsh. ‘I want you to stay in here for the rest of the day. Don’t tell Jason about this. And don’t tell your father either. He doesn’t know what’s going on and I don’t want him too. He’ll hurt you if he finds out.’

‘Mum, st-’

‘On Tuesday I’m going to take you to see doctor Karin, and she’s going to check your body and make sure you’re okay. She’s also going to take a blood test, and I’m going take you to see her every fortnight to make sure your estrogen levels are shrinking,’ she narrowed her eyes. ‘So if you have some more hormones hidden away I’ll know, and I’ll find them.’

‘I don’t have any more!’

‘Good.’ She tapped the side of her leg and looked thoughtfully at me. ‘And you need to see a psychologist too, but I’m going to ask Karin about who you should see. Just, prepare yourself for that, okay?’

I blinked and then let go of her, a though occurring to me. ‘What if the psychologist says that I’m a transsexual?’

‘You’re not a transsexual. Y-’

‘What if I am though? What if you’re wrong?’ I stood straighter and rubbed my wet face with the back of my hands. ‘You think I’m like this because of you, but you don’t know that for sure! You can’t until I see a psychologist and they tell you what I am!’

‘I’m not wrong,’ she said after a moment’s hesitation. ‘I’ve been thinking about this for a very long time.’

‘But you’re not a psychologist. You could be wrong!’

She took a deep breath and let it out. ‘You’d better hope that I’m not. Because if you can’t learn to accept that you’re a boy then the rest of your life is going to be very painful.’

‘Not if you help me!’

‘I can’t help you like that,’ she bit her lips and put her free hand on my shoulder. ‘Just…please, Alex. I love you. Everything I’m doing is to help you, so just let me, okay? Don’t fight me on this.’

‘But you won’t listen to me! You don’t understand!’

‘You keep saying that, but I do understand.’ she patted my shoulder and then turned around again. ‘We’ll talk about this later, okay? I need to think about all of this. I was hoping I was wrong, that we could just watch your movie and things could continue like they always have, but…they can’t. I’ve been a terrible mother and it’s time for me to make things right. I just need to figure out how.’

‘I told you how!’ I sobbed and slowly knelt down as my legs gave out from exhaustion and pain. ‘Let me be a girl! Don’t change how you treat me! Please! Don’t do this to me.’

She looked down at me with a pained expression, her eyes tearing up again. Hope rose inside of me again but she didn’t say anything, just looked at me and then quickly left the room, slamming the door behind her.

And then I was alone.

Really alone. For the first time in my life.

I screamed. But nothing happened.

To be continued...

Thankyou for reading! The next chapter will be slightly less depressing, as the next day Alex will go to a certain someone for help.
Maybe that's a spoiler (sorry >.<), but I didn't want to end on such a dark note. And some of you readers are pretty observant so I don't think it'd be a spoiler anyway.

 

 

 

Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Unfortunately, things are falling apart in his home life and they get even worse when his mum finds out that he's been taking hormones.
But she doesn't react how he'd expected her to.
And neither does his sister.

Authors note: So, this took about as long as I expected to come out >.< Sorry about that! It took a long time for me to get it to feel right, and...aha...I started playing a card game called Hearthstone and it kind of ended up taking up a lot of my time and..money >.> Uuuurgh...
Um! But, yes! New chapter! I hope it's good and you all like it :) Thankyou so much for all of the comments on the last chapter too! This one isn't as depressing, at least not at the end.
Comments and kudos are appreciated!

I love card games. And Blizzard.

 

 

I collapsed onto my back and stared up at the ceiling through blurry eyes, unable to process everything that had just happened. I’d always known this day would come but, now that it was here I just…I couldn’t handle it. Short of dad finding out and killing me this was the worst possible outcome I could imagine. It was maybe even worse. At least if dad killed me then I wouldn’t be feeling anything. And I wouldn’t have heard all the things mum had said.

She was…she’d…

She’d said such horrible things…

A horrible emptiness grew in my body and painful sobs wracked my body as I cried, but I could barely hear myself. My ears were ringing and a thick numbness was consuming my mind. I felt so awful, worse than I could ever remember feeling before. It was hard to breathe through my nose and I had to take strangled gasps through the sobs, making me feel even worse. I felt like I’d fallen into a black void and was slowly suffocating, the air around me crushing my body. All I could think about was how horrible I felt and how utterly alone I was. Normally if I felt even a fraction as bad as I did now I’d go to mum and she’d snuggle with me and tell me everything was going to be okay. And she wouldn’t leave me until I was feeling better, no matter how long that took.

But she wouldn’t comfort me now.

She’d murdered our relationship! She wasn’t going to treat me like a girl anymore. No more hugs or snuggles, or playful games or cute names like sweetheart. She was going to treat me like a boy. Like Jason. Jason! She didn’t even hug him! The most she ever did was pat him on the head. Was that all I was going to get now? Instead of the warm, comforting hugs that went on for ages I’d just get a pat on the head and a smile? Why? I couldn’t deal with that! Why would she do this to me? Why wou-

Our relationship is wrong. It’s bad.

‘No…’ I whimpered and clapped my hands over my ears, despite the voice having come from my mind. From my memories. ‘Don’t say that!’

This is all my fault! I fucked you up so badly!

‘I-I’m not fucked up! Don’t s-’

Just…look at you. You’ve gone so far as to steal hormones and change your body just to be like me. That’s so fucked up! I should-
‘Shut up!’ I screamed and sat up, my entire body shaking with anger and disgust. ‘Shup up, shut up, SHU-’

You can’t be a girl.

You can’t be a girl, Alex.

You know that.

If you can’t learn to accept that you’re a boy then the rest of your life is going to be very painful.

Bad.

Wrong.

Fucked up.

I fell onto my side as the voice washed over me and let the void crush me.

It was all I could do. All-

…

No.

No!

‘Fuck!’ I screamed and slammed my fist into the ground, a searing hatred burning through my stomach. It was the same feeling that had ran through me while listening to Tom talk about Grandpa.

Why the hell was I so sad? I should be furious, not a sobbing mess! This whole situation was fucked up and unfair and wrong! Mum didn’t make me like this. It had nothing to do with her! Why was she wrapping up my problems in her stupid guilt and screwing me over? How dare she say I was fucked up, or that our relationship was wrong. Did she even know how that would make me feel? Did she even care? Now that she’d suddenly decided I wasn’t her substitute daughter had she stopped caring about me?

And why the hell had she even needed a substitute daughter? She said she needed to be loved so she’d encouraged me to hug her all the time? I would have done that without encouragement! Loving my mum didn’t make me a girl. I’d wanted to be a girl si-

You can’t be a girl.

I hiccupped and shook my head. ‘No! Shut up!’

You can’t be a girl, Al-

‘I said shut up!’

You can-

I snarled and dug my fingers into the wound on my arm, then screamed as pain exploded through it. It drowned out the voice and I gasped in relief, and then tore my fingers back through the wound. It hurt so badly, but it felt so good! Simple, easy to understand pain. My anger began to fade and I hiccupped again, starting to feel more normal.

‘Shit…’ I breathed and rubbed my wet eyes. ‘Think. I need to think! Uhm…shit…’

I could try and figure out why mum thought she’d made me like this later! For now, I just needed to figure out how to convince her that she was wrong, so she’d go back to treating me like she always did. And more than that, maybe even take me to see a psychologist who specialised in tr-

You’re not a transsexual.

‘Uuurgh!’ I grabbed my wound again and squeezed it, a sick feeling appearing in the pit of my stomach along with the pain.

This was bad. I’d never heard voices in my head before. Was I going insane? It wasn’t like they were voices of strangers telling me what to do though, just memories of what mum had said to me. Did that make a difference? Did I need to worry about this, or was it only happening because I was so upset?

Well…either way, I couldn’t do anything about it now. I needed to focus on mum. I had to find a way to convince her that I’d always wanted to be a girl, and that it had nothing to do with her.

Simple enough. So, how was I supposed to do that?

…

Uh…

‘Why do I even want to be a girl?’ I looked up at the ceiling and then back down at the floor, unable to think of an answer.

I didn’t know why I wanted to be a girl! I’d just always wanted to be one, for as long as I could remember. There wasn’t any moment that I could recall that made me hate being a boy, or any sudden realisations that I was a girl or something. I just knew, like I knew how to breathe or swallow food. I hadn’t learned it, it’d just always been there. A feeling of wrongness with my body and the role I was expected to fill as a boy, and a deep longing to be a girl. And the older I got the stronger the feelings became, more intense and difficulty to ignore. And…so awfully painful. The feeling of wrongness got so ba-

Our relationship is wrong. It’s bad.

I fucked you up so badl-

‘Oh my god! Shut up!’ I clamped my hands over my ears and groaned miserably. ‘What the hell! Go away!’

I took a few deep breaths and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down. The voice…I was only hearing it when I got really upset, to the point that my chest hurt. I needed to calm myself down and f-

‘Oh god!’ I yelped as my door slammed open and Ashley appeared in the doorway, her eyes wide with excitement. Her shoulder-length brown hair was unevenly brushed behind her ears and her messy fringe was dangling over her thin eyebrows. She was still in the school’s white shirt and grey skirt, but they were slightly crumbled and the shirt was untucked.

‘I told you to leave him alone!’ mum’s furious voice came from down the hallway and I heard her footsteps thumping down the hallway. ‘Ashley!’

‘I just want to talk to him!’ Ashley shouted back and stepped into the room, looking at me as if I were a rare breed of cat. ‘Hey Alex…how are you?’

I just started stupidly at her, unsure of what she was doing here. School surely couldn’t be over yet?

Before I could ask anything mum stormed into the room and glared at Ashley, her hair still a mess and her eyes red.

‘Out. Now!’

‘No.’ Ashley walked past me and dropped herself down on the edge of my bed. ‘I’m not leaving until I talk to Alex.’

‘What’s going on?’ I looked anxiously between Ashley and mum.

‘Your sister decided to skip school because she didn’t think anyone besides you would be home.’ Mum answered, not looking at me. ‘Jen told her about you getting inj-’

‘Oh, who cares about that now?’ Ashley leant down and stared intently at me. ‘You’ve seriously been taking my pills for eleven months? I thought it was for only like a month or something!’

‘W-what?’ I stared at mum in horror. ‘You told her?’

Mum pushed both of her hands through her hair and sighed wearily, still not looking at me. ‘She’d already figured out that you were stealing her hormones from our conversation last night, so I told her what we talked about today so that she wouldn’t bother you with questions, but-’

‘Obviously that was a mistake,’ Ashley finished for mum, still looking at me, ‘because there’s no way I’m just going to stay in my room after finding out that you’re actually a transsexual.’

‘Ashley!’ mum’s eyes darkened and she pointed at the exit. ‘Your brother doesn’t want you in here so get out!’

Ashley smiled down at me. ‘That’s not true. You want me in here, don’t you?’

I looked at her and rubbed my tear-stained face, trying to think. I really did need someone to talk to after everything that had just happened, but…Ashley? She was constantly blaming me for dad’s bad moods and smacking me on the head, treating me like I was some kind of ill-mannered puppy. And she’d tried to grab my chest a few hours ago! She wasn’t someone I trusted at all, but…

I really didn’t want to be alone right now.

I swallowed and looked at her. ‘Are you going to be mean to me? Or try to grab me again?’

She leant back up and looked solemnly at me, something I’d never seen her do before. ‘No. I promise.’

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. ‘O-okay then.’

‘Yeah! There you go.’ Ashley beamed at mum. ‘Now could you give us some privacy?’

‘You want priv-’ mum’s face contorted with rage and she cut herself off with a sharp hiss. ‘Fine then! Do whatever the hell you want. Just don’t te-’

‘I’m not going to tell dad, don’t worry. Everything that’s said in here stays between the two of us. Dad’s got nothing to do with it,’ she smiled crookedly and looked at mum with wild eyes. ‘He doesn’t really have all that much to do with Alex anyway, does he? Maybe I shoul-’

‘Don’t.’ Mum’s voice was a mixture of anger and fear and her entire body tensed up. I looked at her in surprise but she still refused to look at me. ‘I get the point. I’m going.’

‘Yeah. Good.’ Ashley eyes stared coldly at mum, who stared back with a quiet rage.

‘You’ve got half an hour.’ she finally said and then left the room, closing the door shut behind her after giving Ashley one last displeased look. ‘Don’t waste it.’

‘What was that about?’ I immediately asked Ashley, but she shook her head.

‘Nothing important.’

‘But what did she mean, she gets the point? What-’

She pushed herself off the bed and I my words ended in a squeak as she towered over me. She was around Jen’s height so I only just came up to her chest, and even if she wasn’t so athletic she’d have still be far larger than me. Her murky-green eyes washed over me and I started to shake, sure that she was about to hit me. But instead a pitying expression appeared on her face and she smiled sadly.

‘So, you’re a girl then, huh?’ she asked in a gentler tone that I’d expected.

‘I-I guess so.’ I blushed and looked away. ‘You’re not angry?’

‘No,’ she leant down a little so we were closer to eye level, and didn’t continue speaking until I met her eyes. ‘I’ve thought that you might be trans for a while now so I’ve gotten used to the idea. You’ve always been stupidly girly, way more than I’ve ever been, so it wasn’t hard to put the pieces together.’

I looked at her in surprise. ‘It wasn’t?’

‘No,’ she smirked and gently pulled on my blonde hair. ‘Your hair’s longer and better maintained than mine is, you love being hugged and called stupidly cute names like sweetheart and stuff, you adore cute things, you’re overly emotional and refuse to do anything even remotely manly, and so many other things. It’s pretty obvious when you sit down and think about it for a while.’

My throat tightened at her words and I shook slightly. ‘Y-you’re okay with it then? Me wanting to be a girl?’

‘Yeah, I am,’ she smiled and her whole face lit up in a way I’d never seen before. ‘You’re-’

‘What? Why?’ I blurted out, my confusion getting the better of me. ‘Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden? I thought you hated me!’

‘You think I hate you?’ she looked hurt and I blinked at her in surprise. ‘Why?’

‘Because you’re always hitting me on the head and saying that it’s my fault dad’s in a bad mood when it’s not!’

‘And that means that I hate you, does it?’ she raised an eyebrow and pointed at my bandaged arm. ‘If I hated you then I’d being hurting you like that all the time, not just lightly smacking you on the head and complaining about crap.’

‘Uh…’ I suddenly turned red, feeling stupid. That was a good point. ‘W-well, you’re never nice to me!’

‘Yeah, well, you’re never nice to me,’ she countered. ‘When was the last time you asked me how I was? Or how my basketball team was going? Hell, you didn’t even know that Jen was my best friend until today!’

Her words stung like little bees stabbing me in the chest, but I refused to back down. ‘W-well, you don’t know who my best friend is!’

‘Really,’ she looked at me flatly and then walked over to Sally, who was lying sadly on her back in front of the bookshelf. ‘I’m guessing she’s your best friend? The one soft toy that survived dad’s purge? Or if we’re talking about living humans then I’d say mum’s your best friend, as sad as that is.’

‘W-h-wh?’ I stammered out nonsense and then just stared at her, completely taken by surprise.

‘I do pay attention to your life, you know,’ she smiled lopsidedly at my stunned expression. ‘It’s how I realised you were trans so fast. You’re my brot-sister, you know. I care about you, even if I don’t show it.’

I almost started crying when she called me her sister, but I forced myself to stop so I could keep asking questions. ‘Why don’t you ever show it then? I’ve thought you didn’t want anything to do with me for years!’

‘It’s…complicated.’ She licked her lips and slowly bounced from one foot to the next. ‘It’s partly because of dad…I want to keep him in a good mood so he’ll keep giving me money and let me hang out at my friends’ houses, and because you’re pretty much his worst enemy I can’t be seen being nice to you.’

I frowned and rubbed my back, digesting that. ‘But what about when you’re not around him then? You hit me this morning and it was just you and me!’

She shrugged and looked guilty. ‘I get…annoyed…at you sometimes. Dad’s been in a bad mood ever since he lost his job, and it’s been getting worse because of you and mum. He barely pays me any attention anymore, which means that he’s not giving me any extra money or letting me go out at night as much.’

‘So? That’s not my fault.’

‘I know! I just…,’ she sighed and met my eyes. ‘I can be a bitch sometimes. I’m sorry.’

I scowled at her, not ready to accept her apology yet. ‘Do you even like dad then? Or do you just hang around him so he’ll be nice to you?’

‘What do you think?’ she smirked. ‘My best friend’s a lesbian and he’s a piece of shit homophobe. Of course I’m just pretending to like him.’

I felt like part of my world had just been turned upside-down and I licked my lips, my tired brain trying to put everything together. Ashley wasn’t at all who I’d thought she was. Or, well, not completely anyway. I really didn’t like that she hung around dad even when she didn’t like him, just to get money and more freedom. I’d sooner cut off my arm than pretend to like dad just so he’d be nice to me! And I felt like she wasn’t mentioning something important, something that better explained why she’d been so mean to me in the past, but I doubted she’d tell me what.
I rubbed my sore eyes and sighed, starting to feel sleepy. ‘Why are you telling me all of this now anyway?’

‘Because…,’ she scratched the back of her head and then put her hands on her hips, beaming at me. ‘Well, I thought that maybe this is a chance for us to start things over!’

‘Start things over?’

‘Yeah!’ she nodded eagerly. ‘Before, I wasn’t sure if you were really trans so I was worried that bringing it up would offend you. But now that I know that you are, and you know that I don’t hate you, then…yeah! Let’s be…sisters, Alex. Or do you have a girls na-gah? What’s wrong?’

I burst into tears and a thick wave of emotions crashed into me, making my legs start to shake. She wanted to be sister!

A strangely joyful, satisfied feeling appeared in my stomach, but it was almost immediately drowned in an ocean of despair and hopelessness that made me almost vomit.

You can’t be a girl.

You can’t be a girl, Alex.

‘N-no! I’m not your sister!’ I moaned and clutched at my chest. ‘Mum isn’t going to let me transition, and if dad even finds out about it he’ll kill me! And there’s no way I’m going to be able to take hormones again! Mum’s going to make sure of that.’

‘W-well, yeah but, you’re still a girl on the inside, right?’ Ashley smiled hopefully. ‘Isn’t that how it works?’

‘W-what does it matter what I feel on the inside if I can’t be it on the outside?’ I sniffed and rubbed my leaking eyes.

‘You do look like a girl on the outside though. You’re beautiful, Alex.’ she said quietly and I froze, staring into her unusually soft eyes.

‘W-what?’

‘You inherited all of the best parts of mum,’ she continued with a small smile, ‘and my pills just enhanced them. I’m…jealous. So jealous that I hate you sometimes. You’re so much more attractive than me, even though your body hasn’t finished developing yet. You were born a boy and you still look better than me. So don’t say you don’t look like a girl on the outside, because you do! Do you know how lucky you are?’

‘I didn’t mean-I meant that it won’t last!’ I moaned, her words not making me feel any better. ‘Without hormones I’ll look like a boy again in a few months! And mum thinks that I want to be a girl because of her so she’s not going to take me to see a doctor or a psychologist that specializes in trans stuff! In a year I’ll be…I’ll be-’

My voice ended in a pained whine and I collapsed onto the ground as my knees gave out.

‘Alex?’ Ashley knelt down in front of me and looked unsure of what to do.

‘You don’t understand!’ I sobbed, unable to control myself anymore. ‘Without the hormones I’m going to go through puberty as a b-boy! And by the time I can get hormones again it’ll be too late to change things back to how they are now! Right now! This was the best chance I have to be a girl and it’s over! It’s over! And I didn’t even get to…get to be happy…I never even got to wear a dress or...or anything! It’s-it’s-’

I cut myself off with a strangled gasp as Ashley wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a fierce hug. She’d never hugged me before and I almost pushed her away just on reflex, but after a moment I gave in and hugged her back just as tightly.

Oh, god…after everything mum had said I didn’t think I’d ever be hugged again…

‘It’ll be okay.’ Ashley breathed as she rubbed my back. ‘We’ll speak to mum and get her to change her mind. I th-’

‘Sh-she said I can’t be a girl though!’ I sobbed and clutched at Ashley’s sides.

‘Well, she’s wrong. Because you’re already a girl, aren’t you?’ she put her hands on the sides of my head and gently forced me to look at her.
‘You’re my sister. And if mum doesn’t understand that then we need to make her understand that.’

‘How?’

‘I don’t know.’ She smiled widely. ‘We’ll think of something though.’

‘We? You’ll help?’ I sniffed.

‘Yes. I will,’ she looked past me for a moment. ‘And Jen might be able to help too. She knows a ton about transsexuals, and is pretty much the reason why I know as much as I do.’

‘Really?’ I blinked and then smiled weakly. Jen! I’d completely forgotten about her! And the maid café too. Was mum still planning on going to see it after school tomorrow?

‘Yeah! And she really likes you for some reason! I don’t know what happened between you two in the morning but you made a huge impression…’

I gasped softly and stopped listening to what Ashley was saying as a surge of excited hope ran through me.

Jen.

Jen!

Oh my god! Jen!

She might be able to help me get hormones!

To be continued!

Thankyou so much for reading! If you have any feedback please let me know ^.^

Hopefully the next chapter will be out sooner, but I don't know. Things are kind of messy over here to be honest. The reason I got so involved in Hearthstone was to escape from reality for a while. We'll see what happens!

 

 

 

Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Unfortunately, things are falling apart in his home life and they get even worse when his mum finds out that he's been taking hormones.
Alex's life has changed for the worse, but he has some ideas about how to make it better

Authors note: We're finally onto the next day! Whew.
Thanks for all of the support, as always <3 <3

 

 

I tried to focus on what Ashley was saying but my mind kept turning back to Jen, trying to figure out if she’d help me get hormones. I’d only known her for a day so it was pretty unlikely, but I had to try. I’d do anything to get hormones again…

The right kind of hormones, anyway. I needed the exact same ones that Ashley used to take, as they were stronger than normal birth control pills. I’d read that they were even sometimes prescribed to actual transwomen so they were perfect for me. I wasn’t exactly sure why Ashley had been prescribed them and it could be impossible for Jen to even get them, but I could worry about that later. Right now I just needed to know whether or not she was actually willing to try.

She was a really nice person, so I could imagine her wanting to help me. The problem was that asking her to give me hormones was a really serious thing to do, because if she was caught doing so then she’d get into a lot of trouble. I’d be asking her to put herself at risk just to help me. And beyond that, the hormones could cause serious damage to me so she might not want to give them to me because of that. She’d already mentioned that it was dangerous for me to be taking them unsupervised.

So…asking her to just give them to me probably wouldn’t work, and I didn’t feel comfortable doing that anyway. I needed to offer her something in return so she wasn’t just risking herself for nothing. But what? I could tell her that I wouldn’t work at the café with her unless she gave me hormones. That sounded like a really mean thing to do though! She said she needed me and didn’t have much time to find a replacement, and I’d already said I’d do it. And besides, I really wanted to work there. I didn’t want to risk not being able to because she didn’t want to give me hormones.

Agh! That was like the only thing I had to offer her though! I didn’t have anything else, unless she was interested in video games or anime. I did have some rare limited edition DVD imports from Japan…

I was gently shaken out of my thoughts by Ashley, who grabbed my shoulders and frowned at me. Guilt stabbed through me and I blushed, realising that I should be giving her all of my attention. She’d been incredibly nice to me and I didn’t want to appear ungrateful.

‘Ah! Sorry!’ I shook myself and smiled at her. ‘What were you saying?’

‘Nothing important,’ she returned my smile. ‘What were you thinking about? You were lost in your head for like a minute.’

I considered telling her but immediately decided not to. I wasn’t sure if she’d be okay with Jen giving me hormones, and if she wasn’t then bringing it up might cause her to interfere in some way. It was too risky. I wasn’t going to ask her about her new hormones for the same reason. If I asked her if she could give them to me and she said no then she might tell mum that I’d asked, and both of them would be on higher alert.
‘I don’t know.’ I shrugged slightly and rubbed my face. ‘My mind kind of drifted off. I feel awful.’

She inspected me and then frowned in concern, taking her hands off my shoulders. ‘You look awful too. You should probably go lie down for a bit.’

I gasped. ‘I look awful?’

‘Yeah. Your eyes are all red and puffy and y-’

‘Oh god!’ I’d forgotten how much of an impact badly crying had on my face! I probably looked like some kind of horribly gooey, puffy worm monster! ‘Don’t look at me!’

‘Don’t be silly Alex!’ Ashley laughed as I jumped to my feet and grabbed some tissues from a box on my bookshelf. ‘You just look like you’ve been crying. It’s fine.’

‘No it’s not! I don’t want-ah!’

The bedroom door swung open and mum walked into the room, her eyes fixated on Ashley. I hadn’t even heard her walk up the hallway and wondered briefly if she’d been listening in on our conversation. Was mum capable of doing something like that?

‘Right. Time’s up.’ she told Ashley, once again not looking at me.

‘What? You were seriously timing how long I was in here for?’ Ashley frowned. ‘That’s…creepy, mum.’

She scowled at her and then sighed. ‘Just…get out. I need to speak to Alex.’

Hope surged inside of me and I bounced over to her. Was she going to apologise for saying all those awful things? ‘What about?’

She smiled slightly. ‘You working at that café with Jen.’

‘Oh yeah!’ Ashley’s face lit up and she jumped to her feet. ‘Jen told me that she’s asked you to work with her! As a kitchen hand?’

I hesitated a moment before nodding, wondering if she actually knew what I was really going to be doing there. It’d probably be fine for me to tell her that I was going to be a waitress now, and she might be able to help me keep it a secret. If I was even going to be allowed to work there in the first place.

‘Are you going to let me work there?’ I asked mum, and to my relief she nodded.

‘I think it’d be really good for you to get some work experience. I spoke to your father about it on the phone and he agrees, so we’re both going to meet you at the café af-’

‘What? No!’ I blurted out before I could stop myself, and mum finally looked at me with her tired eyes. ‘I don’t want dad there!’

‘Alex…,’ her eyes looked down at the ground and she bit her lip for a moment before looking back at me. ‘He wants to be there. To support you.’

‘He what?’ I looked at her in confusion. ‘He wants to support me? What do you mean? He hates me!’

‘He doesn’t hate you, swee-Alex.’ Mum said awkwardly but Ashley snorted.

‘Uh, yeah, he does. W-’

‘I told you to leave.’ Mum snapped.

‘I do-’

‘Get out!’ she practically screamed and both Ashley and I flinched in horror. ‘Now!’

I took a step away from mum and stared at her with wide eyes. I’d never heard her raise her voice like that before!

Ashley swallowed nervously and shrugged. ‘F-fine. I’m going.’

‘Good.’ Mum said and stepped out of the doorway so she wasn’t blocking it.

‘I’ll umm…I’ll see you later Alex.’ Ashley said as she hurried to the bedroom exit.

‘Thankyou for talking to me.’ I waved weakly at her, wishing that she wouldn’t leave. I really didn’t want to be alone with mum right now.

She smiled quickly at me before leaving the room, and mum slowly closed the door behind her. I heard her mutter something angry under her breath and she stood facing the door for a moment.

‘Mum?’ I asked when what felt like a minute passed, and she jumped slightly.

‘Yes. Sorry,’ she turned around brushed her hands through her still-messy hair. ‘We need to talk about your father.’

‘Oh…’ I looked warily at her. Conversations about dad were never, ever good.

She gestured at me and swallowed. ‘There’s a chance that he knows your body’s…like it is.’

A cold shiver crawled down my spine. ‘What? How?’

‘He mentioned being suspicious of it when we were arguing in the morning, which is why I confronted you about it today. I’d been hoping to have a few more days to figure out what to do but…well, I ran out of time. I should have done this months ago.’ a frustrated expression appeared on her face and she gritted her teeth. ‘Anyway, your dad made some comments about your body shape and suggested that he…inspect you…to make sure that you’re still a boy.’

Oh god. ‘Inspect me?’

She nodded slightly. ‘He also asked me if I’d noticed your chest getting bigger, which is not good. You need to hide your…your uh…shape better.’

My shape? Did she mean my breasts? ‘I have been hiding it them though.’

‘Not well enough,’ she grimaced. ‘So tomorrow after school I need you to buy a much tighter singlet to disguise them before going to the café.’

I nodded vigorously. That was a good idea. ‘Okay!’

‘And avoid him for the rest of the day, and tomorrow morning,’ she continued. ‘I’m going to tell him that I talked to you about your body and that it’s fine, but I’m going to take you to see Dr Karin just in case. So if he asks you about it then make sure to tell him that so he doesn’t try to uh…inspect you.’

I tugged nervously on my shirt. ‘Will he really kill me if he finds out?’

‘No, but he won’t be happy,’ mum grimaced and looked away from me. ‘And…he’ll tell my father about it.’

‘And he’ll kill me.’

‘He won’t kill you,’ she answered after an awful moment’s hesitation. ‘But it’d be best if he didn’t find out. So don’t let dad find out.

‘I won’t.’ I muttered, wondering if other families had to hide things from their dads like this. Were all dads angry, unaccepting jerks?

‘Good. That’s all I wanted to talk about so I’ll…well, I’ll talk to you later I guess,’ mum looked around the room awkwardly and then opened the door. ‘Try to get some sleep. You don’t look too good.’

I looked at her for a moment, wondering if I should try and talk to her about wanting to be a girl again. I was exhausted though, and going to sleep sounded like an amazing idea. And besides that, I was scared of her yelling at me like she’d done to Ashley. That’d been terrifying.
So I just nodded at her, and she smiled tightly and left the room. No hugs like there used to be, no kind words about sleeping well or looking after myself, nothing. Just a bad smile and silence.

My chest tightened and I grabbed at it, feeling empty. This was all wrong! That whole conversation with mum had felt wrong and off, almost like I was talking to a stranger, or a teacher I didn’t know very well. Not mum, who was supposed to love me. Was she feeling like this too? She certainly wasn’t happy. Maybe I could use that to convince her to change her mind. She was making both of us miserable and there was no way that could be a good thing.

But, later. I could figure that out after I woke up. My thick, squishy bed and its cute kitten and bunny doona were calling out to me and right now they were the only things I could focus on. Sleep…

I crawled underneath the covers and submerged myself in its heavy warmth, hugging one of my pillows to my chest like I always did. I thought about the kitten cookies and a pang of sadness ran through me. Maybe everything would have been different if I’d have been able to share them with mum. She might have been too focused on how yummy they were to check my body and right now we’d be snuggling together instead of feeling miserable.

This was all Tom’s fault. What a jerk.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I slept horribly. Nightmares assaulted my exhausted mind, ones full of people in shadows laughing at how disgusting I was while mum and dad watched and did nothing. Pain kept pulsating through my injured arm and leg, and I had awful dreams about rabid dogs trying to rip my limbs off. I woke up numerous times drenched in sweat and my head aching. It felt like I had some kind of fever, and when I did manage to fall back to sleep I flailed about as sickly, nonsensical dreams trickled through my consciousness.

By the time I finally managed to properly wake up light was trickling in underneath my blinds, and when I stared blearily at my alarm clock I was surprised to see that it was nearly eight forty in the morning. I’d slept through the rest of the day and all night! Why hadn’t anyone woken me?

‘Oh crap!’ I threw off my tangles bedsheets and slid off the bed. School started in twenty minutes!

My knee was stiff and sore, but it didn’t buckle under my weight so I grabbed my spare sports uniform and sped out of my bedroom. I needed to have a shower and maybe find something quick to eat before it was too late. I had to speak to Jen and I wanted to do it before school started, not at recess! The sooner I talked to her the sooner I’d start feeling better.

Unfortunately, my progression was halted by dad coming out of the kitchen. He was sipping at a steaming cup of coffee and had on the same ugly brown dressing gown that he’d worn yesterday. His face was badly unshaven and his beady eyes were unusually bloodshot, making him look like a depressed skeleton.

‘You’re awake.’ he commented, looking at me over his coffee.

‘I am! Why didn’t anyone come and wake me?’ I looked around in the hopes that someone else was home, but it looked like it was just dad and me.

‘Your mum said to let you rest,’ he wrinkled his nose in distaste and scratched at his thin moustache. ‘Apparently you’re so delicate that getting lightly beaten up warrants you a full days rest.’

‘What?’ I held up my bandaged arm. ‘I was really hurt!’

‘Bullshit. If you can stand up and walk around then it was a light beating,’ dad sniffed and walked closer to me. ‘And Ashley tells me you were saved by one of her friends? A girl?’

‘Yeah.’ I took a step away from him, as he smelt strongly like beer and sweat. ‘Jen.’

‘Fuck me. That’s pathetic, Alex,’ his beady eyes ran over my body and I resisted the impulse to cover my chest.

‘Why? She was older than me and really strong! Even To-the boy who was attacking me was scared of her.’

Dad snorted. ‘That just means he was pathetic as well. ’

I blinked, not sure how to feel about that. I hated Tom, but hearing dad call him pathetic made me angry for some reason.

‘Umm, well-’

‘Never mind that! What the hell do you think you’re doing, going out and getting a job?’ he snapped and I looked at him in surprise, taken aback by the sudden change of topic.

‘What?’

He scowled at me. ‘Are you trying to rub it in my face that I’m still unemployed?’

‘No! I just…the opportunity came up and I took it.’ I scratched my bandaged arm and looked at him in confusion. ‘I didn’t even think of you.’
His eyes narrowed and he gulped at his coffee before continuing. ‘Liar. I bet you think it’s hilarious that you’re going to be making money while I sit here looking for work all day. Like you think you’re better than me or something.’

‘I…I hadn’t even thought about getting paid.’ I blushed slightly. How had I never realised that before? Of course I’d be getting paid if I was working. Oh my god, that was awesome! Maybe I could give the money I earned straight to Jen to pay for the hormones!

‘Bullshit.’ Dad sneered. ‘I bet you’re fucking loving it. Arrogant little shit.’

I just blinked in confusion. Was he jealous of me? It seemed like it but, I was pretty sure the only reason he didn’t have a job yet was because he wasn’t looking, not because he couldn’t find one. Even he had to be able to find a job in six months! So why was he so angry? I never understood him. He was always so odd and kind of…not all there sometimes. There was something wrong with him, but I didn’t want to deal with that now.

‘Well, I need to have a shower so…’

‘Yeah, you go do that.’ he walked past me and dumped himself down on his armchair. ‘Get the hell out of my sight.’

I was more than happy to oblige and rushed off to the bathroom, where I quickly got undressed and removed the bandage on my arm. The cut looked horrible, a nasty red gash covered in dried blood, and I quickly looked away from it. Eww. I was going to have to wash it and bind it back up again, something I’d never had to do before. Usually mum would do those kinds of things for me but even if she was here I doubted she would this time. She’d probably say something about me being a boy and needing to look after myself because our relationship was wrong and bad and fucked up…and…and…

My chest tightened and I shook my head. No, now wasn’t the time to be thinking about mum! I had to focus on getting to school and speaking to Jen. Everything else could wait. Until I started hormones again, or-

Hormones! Oh my god. This was my first day without taking them.

I shivered and looked down at my body. How long would it take before it started reverting back into a boys one? A few days? A week? A month? Shit…I had no idea. And how fast would it happen too? Would it be slow or really fast, my body quickly forcing itself back into its normal form?

I imagined it in my head, my chest shrinking as my waist and shoulders got wider, and my hips squared off and became practically invisible. My body would become more angular and rough too, and I’d start growing facial hair! Facial hair!

‘No!’ I whimpered as a disgusting image popped into my head, one of me with a dark moustache like dads and a scraggly beard. ‘Oh fuck!’

With a gasp I dropped to my knees and carefully inspected my body to make sure that it was still as feminine as it had been the day before. My breasts were still tennis-ball sized, my hips were wide and smooth, my shoulders small and petite, and my skin soft and silky. I got up and checked the mirror, relieved to see the familiar girls face staring back at me. No facial hair or anything masculine! Just a pale, blonde-haired little girl with petite facial features, high cheekbones and a beauty spot underneath her right eye.

Just…me.

Nothing at all like dad.

I let out a huge sigh of relief and ran my hands through my hair. ‘I’ve still got time. It’ll be okay I’ve still got time. Oh god…it’ll be okay, right? Jen has to be able to help me!’

A sob welled up in my throat but I fought it off, desperately not wanting to cry. I was so sick of it! I’d cried so much yesterday, more than I think I ever had before, and my eyes were still sore from it. My chest felt a little sensitive too from all of the sobs. I didn’t want to go through all of that again. Especially now that mum wasn’t going to comfort me anymore…

With a shaky sigh I jumped into the shower and turned the water on as hot as I could bear. Usually I’d meander about and enjoy the burning warmth but I didn’t want to waste any time so I quickly got to work cleaning myself and the wound. It hurt so badly that I almost cried out it pain, but I gritted my teeth and just rubbed at it until it was clean. Then I quickly turned off the shower and dried myself, bound the wound back up with fresh bandages and changed into my spare sports uniform. It was exactly the same as my old one, but I’d brought a long-sleeved black shirt along to wear under it for warmth. The day looked like it was going to be as cold as yesterday and the absolute last thing I needed right now was to get sick.

With that done I rushed out of the bathroom and entered the kitchen, my stomach growling miserably. The only thing I’d eaten yesterday had been three slices of pepperoni pizza and it was probably why I’d slept for so long, and why I felt so drained. I needed food!

I inspected the fridge first but didn’t see anything I liked. There were some apples, some juice, slices of meat and yoghurt, but I didn’t want any of them. I wanted something sweet and chocolatey, not yucky and healthy. I closed the fridge and went to the cupboard opposite it, my eyes scanning the shelves for something amazing. To my annoyance I could see a packet of biscuits on the top shelf but it was far too high for me to reach. It’d probably been put up that high just so I couldn’t get to it, as mum knew how often I craved sweet things. Ugh! I scowled and looked around for anything that’d be passably okay and found some dry yoghurt-covered muesli bars. It wasn’t chocolate but it wasn’t fruit so I guess it’d do…

I grabbed two and immediately unwrapped one, almost completely devouring it in one go. There were some sq-

‘Nice to see you actually eating something.’ Dad’s said from behind me, and I spun around to see him putting his empty coffee cup into the sink.

‘Mufh.’ I agreed. ‘Foof ish ged.’

He grunted and then looked pointedly at me. ‘You got tits, Alex?’

I almost choked on the muesli bar and quickly swallowed it down, staring at him in horror. ‘Gah! W-what?’

‘Your chest. It looks like you’ve got tits sometimes.’ I winced at the word “tits” and he frowned at my chest. ‘Is there something wrong with your body?’

‘Uh,’ I remembered what mum had said the other day and scratched my shoulder. ‘I don’t know. Mum is taking me to see a doctor next week so umm…if there is something wrong with my body then we’ll know then. I guess.’

‘You don’t need a doctor to tell you whether or not you have tits,’ he stepped towards me, a strange expression on his face. ‘Or if your body’s unnaturally feminine. Show m-’

‘I have to go!’ I cried and fled out of the room, unable to stand being around him any longer. It felt like he was seconds away from ripping off my shirt and uncovering my breasts, and if that happened then I was dead.

‘Wait!’ he snarled after me but I just increased my pace.

I charged into the laundry where my schoolbag and sneakers were, grabbed them both and then ran out the back exit. Dad wasn’t following me but I didn’t care and continued at the same pace, running around the side of the house and into the front yard. I looked back at the house and to my horror I saw him looking at me from the living room window, looking disgusted.

Well, shit.

I probably could have dealt with that better. When I saw him next I was going to be in a lot of trouble…

But that wouldn’t be until after school! I could deal with it then. Right now I needed to figure out how to get Jen to give me her hormones. Once I did that then I could deal with family stuff…

To be continued

Thankyou for reading! Comments and kudos are very much appreciated <3 <3
This chapter felt a bit awkward to write for some reason, and I'm a bit worried that too much is happening over the course of one day and making the story feel stuffed and bloated. And maybe too many things are happening right after they're brought up?
Please let me know if this is the case. I've struggled with pacing in the past

 

 

 

Synopsis: Alex goes to school with a plan, but some run-ins with some a few people throw her off course

Authors note: I'm eating pizza! :D
Thanks for all of the support on the past chapters! It's the fuel that keeps my writing engine running!
I hope you all enjoy this one! Comments and kudos are appreciated!

 

 

I somehow managed to make it to school before classes started, although only barely. By the time I reached the row of oak trees behind the front gate there were only five minutes left before classes started and my injured leg was killing me. My knee was a burning circle of pain that was sending little streaks of lightning throughout my thigh and if Rise Grammar had been just another block away then I doubt I’d have been able to make it. I really should have been at home resting…

The year eleven lockers were in a long hallway connected to the IT building, which thankfully wasn’t too far away. I carefully rubbed my sore knee and began hobbling my way there, having to move around quite a few students as I did so. Yesterday Jen and I had gotten to school after classes had already started so things has mostly been quiet, but now there were people everywhere. There was a constant stream of students coming in front from the front exit, as well as a few sitting amongst the oak trees talking animatedly to each other. And when I reached the plaza it was a mess, full of teachers yelling at students who were being too rowdy or had uniform violations, such as girls wearing nail polish or boys with untucked shirts. If one of them noticed that I was in the sports uniform then I was going to have to explain why and I really didn’t have the time to waste on that. I was pretty sure that I needed a note from the school nurse or mum explaining about my injuries and I didn’t have either, so I was going to have to avoid notice.

Luckily, my small stature made me easy to miss and I stuck close to a group of older boys as they passed through the plaza, and I broke off from them as we reached the classrooms on the other side. The IT building was to the right, down a covered path that cut through a group of art buildings, and as I hurried down it someone shouted out my name. I blinked and looked around, but there were so many students walking down the path with me that I didn’t see who had called my name, and I didn’t recognize the voice. I couldn’t imagine what a stranger would want with me so continued along the path, but before I could even take a step someone tapped me on the shoulder and said my name.

I spun around and blinked in surprise as I saw girl from yesterday standing behind me, the one who’d come out of the nurse’s office and argued with Jen. Annie or something? She looked better than she had yesterday, as her blue eyes weren’t swollen red from crying and her long black hair was tied back in a loose ponytail that trailed over her right shoulder.

‘You’re Alex, right?’ her eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms under her chest. She wasn’t wearing the school’s blazer and her long-sleeved white shirt was untucked, its ends running down the front of her black skirt and admittedly looking pretty cool.

I tore my eyes away from her clothes and looked up at her. ‘Yeah, I’m Alex. You’re-’

‘Anya,’ she finished for me and jerked her head so the ponytail fell behind her back. ‘I want to talk about yesterday.’

I forced myself not to grimace and shook my head. Anya had been pretty awful yesterday and I really didn’t want to talk to her, especially when I needed to find Jen. ‘I’m sorry, but I ne-’

‘Why was Jen being so nice to you yesterday?’ she cut in, her voice almost shaking with anger.

I blinked and took a step back, starting to get nervous. ‘What?’

‘Jen’s not that nice to just anyone.’ Anya’s arms tightened underneath her chest and a look I didn’t recognize crossed her face. ‘Especially not someone she’s apparently only known for one day! What’s going on between you two?’

I took another step back, confusion mixing in with the nervousness. ‘What do you mean?’

‘You know that she and I used to date, right?’ she stepped closer to me. ‘So what she does and who she hangs out with is very important to me.’

‘I-okay?’

She leant down and glared at her. ‘Are you two dating?’

I stared at her in shock and then burst into a fit of giggles. ‘W-what? No! I only met her yesterday!’

Her face darkened as I giggled and she dropped her hands to her side, where they slowly clenched and unclenched. ‘So? She’s hooked up with people in less time than that.’

I blinked, not sure what to make of that. ‘Really?’

‘Yes. She’s hooked up with so many people…and I can’t…she won’t-won’t…’ Anya tapped her foot on the ground and looked to the side for a moment, biting her bottom lip. Then she shook her head and ran her hands through her hair, groaning angrily. ‘Fuck! I hate this shit! Why can’t everyone just leave her alone? Why’s everyone fucking with me?’

I swallowed and took a step backwards. I had no idea what Anya was talking about and I really didn’t want to. She seemed crazy and the last thing I needed right now was to get involved with someone like her.

‘Um, well, I need to g-’ I was cut off by her diving forward and grabbing me by the shoulders, her fingers digging into my flesh.

‘You know, you really fucked me over yesterday you little piece of shit,’ she snarled, shoving her face in front of mine. ‘If you hadn’t of been there then Jen would have talked to me and everything would have been fine! But it’s not, because of you! Another random fucking girl Jen’s decided she wants to fuck just to piss me off!’

‘Wha-I-I’m s-sorry!’ I squeaked in terror but she didn’t even seem to hear me.

‘Well I’m not going to let her! Or you! Or anyone else for that matter!’ her face shook with rage and thick tears started to fall from her eyes. ‘You and Andrea and Sophia and that fucking asshole Ashley can all fucking die for all I care! Just stay away from Jen! I need her and you don’t so just…just FUCK OFF!’

She shoved me backwards, hard, and I crashed onto the ground and tumbled onto my side. I let out a choked cry of pain and quickly pushed myself up into a kneeling position so I could see her, but she wasn’t following up her push with anything else. She was just staring down at me, her face a mask of hatred marred by tears.

‘Oh my god!’ gasped a girl who’d been watching us, and a few other people made concerned sounds as well.

‘Shit, man! They’re fighting!’ a tall boy exclaimed and suddenly more students were coming over, almost forming a circle around Anya and I.
My heart started to beat faster and I carefully got to my feet, unsure of what was going to happen. Anya was still glaring at me and seemed undeterred by the sudden attention we’d gained. Was she going to try and hit me? If so, would one of the students here intervene? I really hoped they would! Judging by her grip on my shoulders and the strength of her shove I wasn’t anywhere near strong enough to stand up to her. I looked around the crowd for a familiar face but all I saw were strangers, both boys and girls, all watching on with interest. There had to be about fifteen students watching at the moment, and more were joining them as they passed by. There were so many…

Too many. To my immense relief Anya finally seemed to notice them all and turned bright red as her body flinched slightly. She angrily rubbed her eyes and bowed her head, starting to shake even more, but this time clearly from embarrassment.

‘Stay away from Jen, or I’ll hurt you.’ she spat, and then charged past me and down the path leading to the plaza. I turned to watch her go as students quickly moved out of her way and a few of them voiced their disappointment that a fight hadn’t broken out, while others were still wondering what was going on.

My mouth had gone dry at her words and I just stared after her, feeling sick and dizzy. She was insane! I hadn’t done anything to her and yet she was acting like I was trying to ruin her life, just because Jen liked me? I couldn’t help that Jen liked me! Anya was way too attached to her! Creepily attached.

I really believed her when she said that she’d hurt me if I didn’t stay away from Jen.

But I wasn’t going to stay away. I needed Jen’s help, and if that meant being attacked by Anya then so what? If I didn’t get hormones then getting beaten up would be the least of my problems. And with Tom constantly harassing me it wasn’t like it’d be anything new. I could handle Anya, but I couldn’t handle not having hormones.

I scowled and then continued up the path, ignoring the few students that asked me what had happened. Anya had wasted way too much of my time already, and I needed to talk to Jen now more than ever.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I reached the IT building just as the bell rang, and I quickly rushed into the large silver building in the hopes of intercepting Jen before she went to class. It was unlikely that I’d be able to talk to her for very long, but at the very least I’d be able to ask her to meet me at recces. Freaking Anya! She’d totally screwed me over!

The IT build was a very large place, and had once been a library. It was two storeys tall and the centre was divided up into numerous computing rooms, with the outside area serving as locker bays intermixed with the occasional bathroom and teacher’s office. The bottom floor was where most IT classes took place, as the upper floor was for specialised VCE electives such as programming and digital design.

As soon as I entered the building I was greeted by the scrambled mass of hundreds of students talking to each other, and saw that the hallway was so full of people that it was going to be very difficult to find Jen. The school’s large wooden lockers lined the grey walls and on the other side of the long hallway I could just about make out the stairs leading to the second floor, and they were likewise covered in students rushing up and down them.

This was not going to be fun. I’d never been in here unless I had an IT class before and didn’t actually know where Ashley’s lockers were. She’d just mentioned at the start of the year that they were in here, but there were two floors worth of lockers and I was pretty sure the years tens ones were in here as well.

Uurgh! I could so easily miss Jen while looking for her! I was just going to have to push my way through the students and hope that I got lucky enough to stumble into her, or maybe even Ashley. She’d probably know where Jen was, or could at least let her know that I needed to talk to her.

I was about to begin wading through the students when a girl entered the door and walked past me, her dark red hair bouncing around her small shoulders. I looked briefly at her and then gasped when I realised that I knew who she was. It was the girl who’d been in the café with Jen yesterday! Soph…something. She’d know where Jen was!

‘Umm!’ I stepped forward but she didn’t notice me, so I skipped around a boy tying up his shoelaces and stepped in front of her. ‘Excus-gah!’

I noticed too late that she had headphones on and was looking down at her smart phone, so she didn’t notice me at all and crashed right into me. She backed up in shock and I somehow managed to keep myself from falling over, despite my injured leg.

‘Shit! Are you okay?’ she tugged her headphones out and stared at me in concern.

‘I’m fine!’ I smiled quickly and brushed my hair out of my eyes to see her better. She was just over a head taller than me and had a round, friendly face with light brown eyes and cute dimples. ‘Sorry! I didn’t realise you had headphones on.’

She studied me and a smile of recognition lit up her face. ‘Hey! You’re that girl from the café yesterday.’

‘I am! I’m Alex!’ I considered offering her my hand to shake but that seemed weird so I just smiled instead.

‘Sophia,’ she smirked and brushed her hair behind her ears. ‘Let me guess. You’re looking for Jen, right?’

‘I-yeah.’ I looked at her suspiciously. ‘How did you know that?’

‘Lucky guess,’ she smiled lopsidedly, putting her smart phone safely away in her skirt pocket. ‘She should be at her locker by now. I’ll show you where it is.’

I gasped and clapped my hands together excitedly. ‘Really? Thankyou!’

‘No problem.’ she nodded and began walking through the crowd, which was slowing thinning out. ‘Follow me.’

We didn’t get much of a chance to talk while we walked through the crowd, as people were constantly forcing us to separate so they could pass by, and people were talking and laughing so loudly that all I could really hear was mess blur of noise. When we finally reached the staircase the noise softened a bit and Sophia looked back at me with a smile.

‘So. Jen told me you’re going to work at the café with us.’

‘Oh, yeah.’ I blushed, not realising that Jen might have told some of her friends about that. I wasn’t sure if that was bad or not and didn’t have the energy to care right now. ‘You’re working there too?’

‘I am.’ she bounced up the wooden steps and I struggled to keep up her pace. ‘It’s kind of surreal, isn’t it? Working at a maids café. I used to think they were only in Japan, but apparently there’s a few in Melbourne.’

‘There are! I’ve been to one before and it was really good.’ I squashed myself against the staircase wall as a body thundered down them and almost hit me and was pleased to hear a teacher yell at him when he reached the bottom. ‘I can’t wait to see what Jen’s one is like. She’s taking me there after school and I’m really excited.’

‘You should be. It’s…brilliant.’ Sophia’s dark eyes shone seriously. ‘Like walking into another world. I can’t wait to see what it’s going to be like when there are actual customers in it. It’s going to be life changing for them.’

‘Life changing?’

‘Yes.’ she laughed at my doubtful expression and jumped the last few steps onto the second floor. ‘You’ll understand when you see it. Oh! Have you gotten your uniform yet? They’re so cute aren’t they?’

‘I haven’t seen them yet!’ my heart leapt as I once again imagined myself dressed in a maids uniform. ‘I’m hoping that I’ll…get…to…huh…’

My voice trailed off into a strained squeak as I reached the stop of the staircase, and my heart crashed back down to earth so fast that my entire body shook. Walking towards me, deep in conversation with a teacher, was the absolute last person in the entire would that I wanted to see right now.

Grandpa. Grandpa! Holy crap! What was he doing here?

I froze at the top of the stairs and just stared at him, struggling to comprehend the fact that he was actually here, and that I’d run into him. He was dressed in a grey business suit and was holding a bunch of black folders, one of which was in the hands of the elderly teacher accompanying him. Like everyone in my family besides me, he was very tall. A large beer belly pushed up against his suit and made him look almost pregnant, while the rest of his body was thick and slightly droopy. He kept his greying-brown hair cut close to the scalp and had a mustache and goatee similar to dads. To my constant dismay he kind of resembled mum, as they both had high cheekbones and slight facial features, but his face was a mass of frown lines and wrinkles devoid of any beauty marks. He had a slight double chin too, and his eyes always had dark bags under them like he never got enough sleep.

He hadn’t seen me yet so I spun around and quickly squashed myself up against an empty locker, hoping that he’d be too busy talking to the teacher to notice me.

‘What are you doing?’ a tall boy using the locker next to me asked, looking suspicious. ‘That’s Reece’s locker.’

‘Oh.’ I whispered and turned my head slightly to look at him. He had a light brown complexion and large, expressive eyes underneath a messy black fringe. ‘Sorry, I’m…lost.’

‘Alex?’ I heard Sophia say from behind me, sounding confused. ‘What are you doing?’

‘She’s lost.’ the boy said, raising an eyebrow at her.

‘What?’ Sophia appeared next to the boy and looked at me in amusement. ‘That’s not Jen’s locker, Alex.’

‘She’s looking for Jen?’ he looked at me and then grimaced. ‘Oh. Another one, huh? How old are you?’

‘Huh? I’m thirteen.’ I said, distracted.

‘Wow. Another one from year eight, huh? I suppose it’s better than a year seven.’ he looked pointedly at Sophia, who shrugged uncomfortably.

‘Does it matter? She’s fifteen, not thirty.’ she muttered.

‘I’m in year nine, not eight. And what are you talking about?’ I asked, scared of drawing grandpa’s attention but unable to stay silent.

‘Nothing.’ Sophia said before the boy could reply. ‘Don’t worry about what Dale said. He’s bitter.’

‘Yeah. I’m just a bitter old man, aren’t I?’ he smirked and began to walk off. ‘But whatever. None of my business.’

I looked after him, something tugging at the back of my mind. Anya had said some weird things about Jen when she’d yelled at me that I hadn’t really thought about until now. She’d said something about me being another random girl that Jen wanted to…fuck…and that Dale guy had made it sound like people my age came looking for Jen a lot. Not to mention that Sophia had been able to guess exactly why I was in the IT building just from looking at me as well.

I…didn’t quite know what to think of all of that. I guess Jen dated a lot of girls my age? Did that matter? Dale had made it sound like a bad thing for some reason. I’d heard some of the kids in my class call some girl’s sluts because they slept with a lot of guys, but Ashley had told me once that there wasn’t anything wrong with that. So I guess Dale was just a jerk then. Maybe?

Ugh! It didn’t matter anyway! I was just going to ask Jen for hormones, not for a date. I was getting distracted!

‘Is that man gone?’ I asked Sophia, who was looking thoughtfully at me. ‘The one in the black suit?’

She frowned slightly but looked around the hallway. ‘No, he went down the stairs. Why?’

‘No reason.’ I carefully looked around the hall and was immensely relieved to see that grandpa was indeed gone. ‘Sorry! Where’s Jen’s locker?’

‘Right over there,’ Sophia pointed to the far end of the hallway, but I couldn’t make anything out. ‘Who was that man?’

I hesitated for a moment and then decided to tell her the truth. She’d been nice to me and I couldn’t see any reason to lie. ‘My grandpa. He’s…not a nice person.’

‘Ohh. Is he a teacher here?’

‘No. I don’t know why he’d be here.’ I shrugged weakly.

‘Well, if he was then he’s not anymore.’ Sophia smiled. ‘Come on, let’s go and see Jen.’

‘Yes!’

I pushed out thoughts of grandpa and Jen’s dating habits out of my head and focused on hormones. They were what was important, nothing else. I needed to focus!

Focus! Focus!

As I followed behind Sophia we finally reached Jen’s locker, and she was indeed there. Leaning back against it while a taller, blonde-haired girl was pushing up against her. She was smiling softly and running her hands though Jen's hair while Jen grabbed her waist, her face flushed and her eyes wide.

I gasped as I saw them and a strange, lightweight feeling appeared in my stomach as my chest tightened.

Focus…fo…cus…f…ah...uhm...

To be continued!

 

 

 

Synopsis: Jen gets to know Alex a little better.

Authors note: So, this is a much more light-hearted chapter! This is how Alex is when she's happy, which is kind of something I haven't gotten to show too much outside of the first few chapters.
Thankyou for reading! Comments and kudos are appreciated, as always!
(It took so long to get this chapter out despite how short it was because I had no idea what to call it >.< I'm very...naked)

 

 

I just stood next to Sophia and watched as Jen and the older girl held each other, not really sure what to do. In my head I’d expected her to be taking her books out of her locker or something, not locked in the embrace of a beautiful older girl. I noticed absently that she was dressed in the normal school uniform today, a short-sleeved white shirt and black stockings underneath a grey mid-thigh length skirt. Her shirt was untucked too, and it looked far better on her than it did on Anya.

The blonde-haired girl noticed us first, slowly extracting her long fingers from Jen’s silky hair and turning to look at us with a curious smile. She was quite pale and very petite facial features with mismatched eyes. One of them was deep amber and the other was a pale grey, and had quite a large pupil. Her dark blonde hair was neatly parted in the middle and reached down to her collarbone, where it curved slightly inwards and rested just above her generous cleavage. She had undone the first couple of buttons on her shirt to show them off and uh…uhm…

It was distracting me! I’d never seen that much of a girls breasts before! They were gently squashed together and I could see the pink lace of the bra she was wearing. I was feeling a strange mixture of jealous and…something else.

‘Hello there,’ she said in a soft voice when she saw me, and a smiled alighted her red lips. ‘Who might you be?’

‘Alex?’ Jen let go of the girl and came over, looking happy to see me. ‘What are you doing here sweetie?’

‘Uh…’ I swallowed and just stared at her, realising that I had no idea what to say. I’d totally failed at focusing! ‘Hi!’

‘Hi,’ she laughed and then looked at my injured arm. ‘How are you feeling after yesterday? Ashley told me that you were staying home to recover.’

‘I was-’ I stopped as the blonde-haired girl stepped forward and put her hands on the sides of my face, her eyes staring deep into mine. ‘U-uhm…’

‘Who is this, Jen?’ she breathed and pushed my hair behind my ears. The scent of peaches and flowers washed over me and I blushed even harder. ‘She’s gorgeous.’

I just stared at her, completely at a loss as to what to do. Nobody had ever just come up to me and touched my face before, but her fingers were so soft and warm that it wasn’t unpleasant. Just…odd.

‘Oh. Alex, this is Ellie. Ellie, Alex.’ Jen beamed.

‘I’m here too, you know.’ Sophie muttered from next to me and Jen grinned at her.

‘Is this the girl you told me about last night?’ Ellie asked.

‘Yes! She’s our final waitress.’ Jen beamed at me.

‘Do you are?’ I asked Ellie and then blinked, releasing that made no sense. I swallowed and tried again. ‘A-are you working there too?’

She flicked her hair behind her head and stared wide-eyed at Jen. ‘I like this one, Jen! You should keep her.’

Jen turned bright red and looked away, scratching her cheek. ‘D-don’t say that, Ellie.’

‘Say w-’

‘We all really need to get to class.’ Sophia said over me and I looked around to see that practically everyone else in the hallway had gone.
‘Yes, I need to go,’ Ellie sighed and then quickly kissed Jen on the cheek. ‘I’ll see you later, babe.’

‘Bye!’ Jen blushed and kissed her on the cheek as well.

The two girls stared at each other for a couple of seconds before Ellie turned around with a pleased smile and slowly walked off, seemingly unconcerned about how late it was.

‘Umm…Jen,’ I was feeling slightly more confident now that Ellie had gone. ‘Can I talk to you for a moment?’

‘Sure,’ she tore her eyes away from Ellie and smiled at me. ‘What’s up?’

‘I’ll meet you at class.’ Sophia said as she knelt down in front of the locker next to Jen’s and unlocked it. ‘Want me to tell Mr Barnes anything?’

Jen looked thoughtfully at me and then shook her head. ‘Nah, I’ll talk to him later.’

She grabbed some books from her locker then closed it. ‘Alright then. I’ll see you…whenever, I guess.’

‘Yep.’ Jen smirked at her. ‘Have fun at class!’

Sophia gave her a dark look and then smiled at me. ‘Bye Alex! Let me know what you think of the café.’

‘I will!’ I beamed at her. ‘Thanks for leading me here.’

‘No problem.’ she waved at us and then began to quickly walk back towards the staircase, the only other student here besides Jen and I.

‘So!’ Jen put her hands behind her back and leaned down slightly. ‘What do you want to talk about?’

I focused on her and tried to think of a way to somehow explain everything that had happened yesterday. I couldn’t just blurt out that I needed hormones, and telling her what had happened last night with mum wasn’t going to be easy. How was I even supposed to start a conversation like that? Crap! I needed more time to think. I shouldn’t have come here so soon, dammit! This was a dumb idea. I needed more time to think...

‘Umm, well we can talk at recess if you want!’ I said, hoping she’d decided to go off to class. ‘I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.’

‘It’s fine,’ Jen waved away my concern and looked around at the empty hallway. ‘I don’t really feel like school today anyway, to be honest. You wanna go someplace else?’

I frowned slightly, not sure what she meant. ‘What?’

‘You’re not supposed to be at school today, right?’ her eyes shone excitedly. ‘So your mum’s probably called up reception and told them that you’re going to be absent, which means that you can do whatever you want today!’

‘I-I guess it does.’ I scratched the back of my head, wondering where we could go to talk. I wasn’t too fussed about missing first period, as Jen was probably right about mum having called up and told them I wasn’t coming in today. ‘Oh! Did you want to go to the library? It’ll be really warm in there, and not many people will be around this early.’

‘The…library?’ Jen stared stupidly at me and then exploded into a loud, delighted laughter. ‘Oh god, Alex! You’re so innocent!’

‘Huh?’ I started at her in bewilderment, but when she didn’t stop I started to get annoyed. ‘What’s so funny?’

‘Oh, sweetie,’ she got control of myself and looked at me in fascination. ‘I don’t want to go to the library! I’m asking you whether or not you want to skip school.’

I blinked a few times. ‘Oh.’

‘Yeah,’ she smiled crookedly at me, her eyes still shining with laughter. ‘Let’s spend the day in town. We can talk over a coffee and then go shopping before I show you the café. Come on!’

‘W-wait!’ I cried as she began to walk down the hallway. ‘What about you? Won’t you get in trouble?’

‘I’ll get my sister to take care of it,’ she shrugged. ‘She’ll call up the school and tell them I came home sick or something.’

I hesitantly walked after her, my pace still slightly impacted by my leg. I’d never skipped school before! I’d pretend to be sick to a teacher sometimes so I could stay in the nurse’s office, or sometimes I’d skip a particular class I just wasn’t in the mood for (usually maths), but that was it. Skipping an entire day was…weird. I wasn’t going to get in trouble for it today but it still didn’t feel right.

‘Umm!’ I reached up to her just as she neared the stairs. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Yeah!’ she beamed and brushed her hands down her shirt.

‘I don’t k-’ I gasped as she grabbed her hands and pulled me closer to her.

‘I like you, Alex. A lot,’ she leant forward and some stray strands of her hair brushed against my cheeks. Her cheeks were slightly red and her eyes smouldered. ‘I want to spend more time with you. You’re not doing anything right now, and neither am I, so let’s go get to know each other a little better.’

I swallowed, my chest tightening. Her hands were so warm and strong…, ‘O-okay.’

She squeezed my hands and then released them. ‘Then let’s go! Before a teacher sees us and asks why we’re not at class.’

I nodded slightly and then followed her down the stairs, my head floaty and hot. She’d…she’d said she liked me. A lot! Was she going to try and kiss me again? Were we going on a date right now? What was going on!

Excitement ran through me and for the first time since mum had found out about my hormones I found myself completely distracted from my problems. All I could think about was Jen, of the warmth of her body when she’d hugged me yesterday and how beautiful she was. She was so kind and pretty and strong…

I…I really liked her…

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We managed to reach the school gates without drawing the attention of any teachers. The sun was free from the clouds that’d been harassing it yesterday and a pleasant breeze was rolling through the streets, bringing with it the scent of fresh coffee and dead leaves.

‘Phew!’ Jen stretched luxuriously outside the schools gate, and then looked at me as I walked up. I’d been trailing behind her for a bit now, unable to put as much weight on my leg as before. ‘How’s your knee doing?’

‘It’s okay.’ I lied, stopping next to her and tentatively rubbing it. I could feel bruises around the kneecap and winced when I touched one.

‘Why aren’t you home resting?’ she brushed her hair to the side and grinned at me. ‘You seemed pretty happy yesterday about being able to miss school.’

‘I was.’ I grimaced slightly and looked out at the street where Tom had attacked me. Things had changed so much since then, and it’d only been a day. What would my life be like in a week? Or a month? I couldn’t even imagine it a year from now.

‘Why did you come here today?’ Jen stepped in front of me, smiling slightly. ‘Because you needed to talk to me?’

I blushed and looked away. ‘Y-yeah…’

‘Really?’ she sounded delighted and stepped sideways so she was in front of me again. ‘What’s so important?’

I spun away and rubbed my cheeks, feeling like an idiot. ‘I-It’s hard to talk about!’

‘Why?’ she bounced in front of me and put her hands behind her back, leaning down and staring intently into my eyes. ‘What is it?’

I swallowed as stared into her eyes, unable to think clearly with her looking at me like that. Her eyes were so striking, dark blue gems ringed by long, thick eyelashes accented by perfectly applied mascara. I was simultaneously jealous of how pretty they were and attracted to them.

‘Tell me!’ she continued, grinning widely. ‘Or I’ll start to think that you’re trying to ask me out on a date or something.’

‘I’m not!’ my heart squished slightly but I ignored it. ‘B-besides, aren’t you and Ellie dating?’

Jen laughed and then straightened, flicking her hair behind her shoulders. ‘No. We’re just friends.’

‘What? Really?’ I hadn’t expected her to say that and looked at her in surprise.

‘Yeah, I know. It looks like we are, but we’re not. It’s…,’ her eyes grew distant and she smiled slightly, ‘complicated.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘I don’t know, to be honest.’ Jen laughed. ‘I really like her though. She has this…I don’t know, presence about her that just flows over you and makes you feel special.’

I remembered how I’d felt around her and nodded vigorously. ‘She does!’

‘Plus, she’s got great boobs.’ Jen grinned and I gasped, embarrassment flooding through me. Had she noticed how distracted by them I’d been? Oh god!

‘I-I didn’t-not that-I-WAGH!’ I squealed as Jen squeezed my sides and burst out laughing.

‘You’re so cute!’ she giggled as I frantically escaped her hands. ‘You were like this yesterday too. Talking about boobs really upsets you, huh?’

‘No!’ I huffed, although I could feel the sides of my lips twitching into a smile. I really liked it when she grabbed my sides! It was like what mum did sometimes when she was in a playful mood and I was being slightly bratty. ‘I can talk about b-b-breast fine! It’s just not what I want to talk about right now.’

‘Really?’ Jen’s eyes were wide with amusement. ‘What do you want to talk about then?’

I bit my bottom lip, thinking fast. I still wasn’t ready to talk about hormones, especially when I was in an actually good mood. But I needed to say something otherwise she might think that I really had come here today just to ask her out on a date! Agh!

‘I’m hungry!’ I blurted out, unable to think of anything else to say. Jen blinked and raised an eyebrow, then shrugged.

‘Alright…we ca-’

‘I’m not hungry! That was a lie,’ I gasped, abruptly remembering that there was actually something that I really needed to do. ‘I have to get a really tight shirt to hide my chest.’

‘O-okay.’ Jen scratched her hair and looked around the street, ‘Well, we can go to the mall if you want. I know some good places in there.’

‘Okay!’ I beamed at her. We could go shopping and I could figure out a way to bring up needing hormones along the way. Perfect!

‘The mall’s pretty far away though.’ Jen looked doubtfully at my leg. ‘Are you going to be okay walking there?’

‘Yep! It’s only ten minutes away.’ I could probably manage that.

‘With how slow you’ve been walking it’s probably more like forty minutes away.’ she said and then smiled widely. ‘Want another piggyback?’

‘No!’ I turned scarlet. ‘My leg’s not that sore!’

‘It’ll get worse the more you use it,’ she put a hand on my head and her cheeks turned slightly pink. ‘And besides, I really liked how you felt up there yesterday. Let me give you a piggyback.’

‘Uhm.’ I swallowed, my quite sure how to take that. ‘Won’t you get tired though?’

‘Nah. I’ve carried cats that’ve weight more than you.’ she smirked and my eyes widened with delight.

‘Mew!’ I pawed happily at her stomach and she giggled, rubbing my head. I meowed a few more times and started giggling too.

‘Alright! Hop on, kitten!’ Jen said after patting me on the head. She turned around and leant down like she had yesterday.

‘Meow!’ I leapt onto her back, full of excitement. Perhaps a bit too excitedly, as my momentum shoved her forward and she splatted face-first onto the ground. ‘Oh god! Are you okay?’

I slipped off of her as she got to her feet, and she turned around to stare at me with wide, anger-filled eyes. And then she burst out laughing so hard that she started to tear up, and it infected me. We were son both laughing uncontrollably for a good couple of minutes, something that felt amazing.

‘You idiot!’ Jen gasped when she finally got control of herself. ‘Don’t jump on me!’

‘I’m sorry. I got too enthusiastic.’ I beamed at her.

‘Yeah, you did!’ she laughed and then turned around. ‘Okay. Let’s try that again. Hop on, kitten!’

I jumped onto her back again.

‘What the!’ she yelped as she was squashed onto the ground again. ‘Alex! What the hell!’

I erupted into giggles that quickly turned into squeals as she grabbed my sides and started squeezing them. I tried to escape but she squashed me into a tight hug.

‘Right!’ she said through her laughter and leant her head on my shoulder. ‘Are you going to let me give you a proper piggyback this time?’

‘Yes. I promise!’ I nodded solemnly, which was ruined slightly by my maniacal giggling.

‘Good!’ she released me and then turned around. ‘Last time! Let’s go, kitten!’

I jumped on her back.

‘Oh for god’s sake!’

To be continued

 

 

 

Synopsis: Alex gets to know Jen a little better, and finds out she knows a lot more than she lets on. She also learns whether or not Jen will help her get hormones.

Authors note: I kept misspelling the title as "the prince of hormones!" :3
Oh ho ho ho! How royal indeed. Pass me the crab claws, scallywag, for I have a...rich person thing to do in the...school gardens...! Oh ho...ho...

>.>

I don't know what rich princes sound like :/

Anyway!

Thanks for reading! Comments and Kudos are appreciated!

 

 

Our town’s mall was opposite the train station, and because it was one of the largest along the line it was always horribly busy. It was a four story tall white concrete monstrosity that took up an entire block and had almost everything you could think of inside it. From cinemas to pet stores, bowling alleys to specialty DVD stores, there was always something interesting to find or look at.

I’d hoped that because of how early it was there wouldn’t be as many people around, but I was wrong. As a slightly bruised Jen and I crossed the road towards the mall a steady stream of adults were going in and out of the front entrance, and quite a few were seated on the mental benches set up near the ATM machines. Cars sped past us and a small line of taxis were resting alongside the post office, just in front of the entrance to the bus terminal.

‘Alright,’ Jen said as we approached the sliding glass entrance, squeezing my legs. ‘You good to walk now?’

‘Yep!’ I slid off her and she groaned in relief, making me blush guiltily. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine,’ she brushed her hair behind her ears and smirked at me. ‘But I’m definitely going to think twice now before offering to carry you somewhere.’

I grinned widely. ‘Mew!’

She laughed and patted me on the head. ‘Now, you want to get a shirt right? To hide your chest?’

I nodded slightly, my grin fading. ‘Yeah, but I don’t really know where to get one from. I’ve only ever been here to buy video games or anime.’

‘Well, I know of a great place to get what you need,’ her eyes sparkled and she walked up to the mall’s doors, which slid open to welcome her. ‘And it just so happens that I need to get some things from there as well.’

‘Okay!’ I skipped inside the mall after her and looked around. There was a post office and a bank on either side of us, both of which had insanely long lines full of frustrated-looking adults. ‘Where are we going?’

‘The second floor, near the escalators.’ Jen said as she moved around a slow-moving elderly couple and entered the main hallway. She looked thoughtfully at me as I caught up to her and smiled. ‘Have you ever bought girls clothes before?’

I started slightly and blushed. ‘N-no. That’s way too scary.’

She nodded sympathetically. ‘Have you ever worn girl’s clothes then?’

I winced and looked around to see if anyone was listening, but nobody was all that close to us. We were in the center of the hallway whereas most other people were inspecting the stores along the sides. Still, I felt uncomfortable talking about this with Jen and didn’t answer for a few moments. It was great to actually talk to someone about this part of my life, but it wasn’t easy.

‘Not since I was really small.’ I finally said, staring down at the white hallway floor.

‘Not recently?’ Jen asked.

‘No. Uhm…mum and Ashley’s clothes are way too big for me and I feel stupid in them. I-’

‘Careful.’ she grabbed my hand and gently pulled me out of the way of a group of middle-aged women in suits laughing with each other about something.

‘T-thanks.’ my heart squirmed slightly at the warmth and strength of her hand, and to my delight she didn’t let go.

‘So you’ve never been outside as a girl before?’ she led me onto the escalator and scratched her cheek with her free hand. ‘Or even really dressed up as one?’

‘No, but, when I’m not in the normal school uniform everyone assumes I’m a girl.’ I smiled shyly at her. ‘Just like you did.’

She returned my smile and rubbed my head, making me squeak happily. ‘That’s not dressing up though, sweetie.’

‘It’s all I can do at the moment though.’

‘Well, why don’t we change that then?’ she grinned as we got off the escalator. ‘Because I really want to see you dressed in something cute.’

‘Am I going to get to try on the maid’s uniform today? At the café?’ I asked excitedly and her eyes shone.

‘Yes! I was thinking of getting you dressed up sooner than that though,’ she squeezed my hand and led me to the front of a store opposite the escalator. ‘But first, we need to get you the basics.’

‘The basics?’ I blinked and then looked past her at the store, which was surprisingly large and had more than a few women in it. Women who were looking at…lingerie…

I froze and noticed the female mannequins set up in the store’s display window, dressed in various assortments of sexy lingerie and nightdresses. My eyes snapped past them to see display tables full of bras set out in the centre of the store, with rows upon rows of other undergarments spreading out to the back of the store and ending in a long section of change rooms.

‘What are we doing here?’ I asked Jen, my voice shaking slightly.

‘You don’t have any bras, do you?’ she asked me with a smile and I turned scarlet. ‘Or briefs? Anything like that?’

‘O-of course not.’

‘Then you need some.’ Jen beamed.

‘No I don’t!’ I panicked as she began to lead me into the store and ripped my hand from her grasp. ‘I can’t go in there!’

‘Why not?’ she looked at me in confusion, her smile fading.

‘Because…because I can’t.’ I let out a shaky breath and clutched at my chest.

‘I don’t understand.’ Jen said with a blank expression, making me feel like an idiot.

‘W-why don’t we go to another store?’ I spun around and stared at the numerous clothing stores around us. ‘Look! That one has ni-’

‘Alex. Calm down,’ Jen stepped in front of me and frowned slightly. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing! I just don’t need…g-girls underwear.’

‘You kind of do, sweetie.’ she looked pointedly at my chest and then softened her expression. ‘And even if you didn’t, don’t you want to try some on?’

‘No!’ I vehemently shook my head and walked over to a small alcove near the escalators, where some cushioned benches were. There was a large black support pillar next to it that gave us some measure of privacy, and with how many other shoppers were around I didn’t want to risk being overheard.

‘Why not?’ Jen asked as she followed me over.

I thought about the awful pamphlet Tom had read out to me yesterday and shivered, feeling sick. ‘B-because it’s wrong.’

‘What? No it’s not.’ Jen tilted her head to the side. ‘You’re a girl, aren’t you?’

‘I’m not!’ my throat tightened and I clutched at the ends of my shirt, nauseating feelings surfacing from the depths of my stomach. ‘I’m not-not really a girl yet! I’ve still g-got my-I haven’t had surgery! So I’m-’

‘Stop!’ Jen put a finger over my mouth and grimaced slightly. ‘Don’t talk like that. You’re a girl, Alex.’

I blinked away tears and shook my head. ‘Bu-’

‘What you have between your legs doesn’t matter.’ she continued over me, moving her finger up to tap me on the forehead. ‘It’s how you feel in here that does. And you feel like a girl, right? So strongly that you stole your sisters hormones. I think that-’

‘But…’ I pulled even harder at my shirt. ‘I still have boy things so-so wearing…underwear is…is bad…’

‘That’s not true.’ Jen said, her eyes serious. ‘Some transwomen never get surgery, you know. They’re fine with what they have between their legs, and it doesn’t make them any less of girl than me. Or you. And wearing girls underwear doesn’t make them perverts or sexual deviants or any of that shit. It just makes them normal.’

‘It does?’ I’d never heard that before. It was the exact opposite of what Grandpa believed.

‘Yeah. And, look,’ Jen turned me around to face the store, and pointed to one of the mannequin wearing a small black lingerie set. ‘Do you think girls don’t feel sexy while wearing those kinds of things? Of course we do! They’re designed to make us feel good.’

I sniffed and rubbed my eyes. ‘Really?’

‘Yeah!’ she nodded encouragingly. ‘It’s okay to want to look sexy, Alex. And to feel sexy too. It’s just part of being a girl. There’s nothing to be ashamed about.’

‘A-are you sure?’

‘Of course I am.’ she laughed clapped her hands on my shoulder. ‘I’m a girl, silly. I know what I’m talking about.’

I giggled and grabbed her wrists, feeling like a weight had been lifted from me. Jen was a sun burning through the dark clouds that grandpa and dad had tainted my sky with, and I felt my chest tighten again as I stared at her confident, beautiful face.

‘Are you feeling okay now?’ she asked and I nodded, smiling. She returned the smile and put her hands onto my cheeks. ‘That’s good! Now, why don’t we go into that store and buy you a nice bra, and some matching panties?’

I flinched slightly at that. Even though I really did believe everything she’d said, I just wasn’t ready to wear those kinds of things yet, or to shop for them. It was way too scary, even with Jen! Just hearing her say bra and panties out loud made me uncomfortable.

‘C-can we do that some other time?’ I looked hopefully up at her, but to my dismay she shook her head.

‘Let’s do it now,’ she rubbed my cheeks and moved her face closer to mine. ‘I’m very excited to see how you look in a cute pink bra. Or maybe even one of those sexy low-cut ones.’

‘Huh?’ I looked blankly at her. ‘But if I wore one I’d wear it under my shirt! Nobody would see it.’

‘I-what?’ she blinked and looked confused for a moment, then burst out laughing.

‘What?’ I puffed up unhappily. ‘I don’t want people to see my bra!’

She widened her eyes coyly. ‘Not even me?’

‘N-no.’ I hugged my chest. ‘It’s too embarrassing.’

Jen bit her bottom lip as a strangely delighted expression appeared on her face, and before I could react she’d pushed me down onto one of the cushioned benches. I bounced slightly on its black surface and looked up at her in surprise as she grinned at me, her eyes shining hungrily.

‘Shit,’ she dropped herself down right next to me, her stockinged legs brushing up against my own. ‘I can’t take it anymore!’

‘What?’ I swallowed and stared breathlessly at her, my heart starting to beat faster as butterflies popped into my stomach and started raging about.

‘I love shy, cute little transgirls like you,’ she breathed, leaning over and putting a hand under my chin. Her eyes smouldered and I could almost feel the heat coming off of them. ‘Just looking at you and not being able to kiss you is driving me crazy. I need you, Alex.’

‘Wha-huh?’ I said stupidly, feeling my face burn as my mind floundered about frantically. Jen really did like me! Oh god! And she wanted to kiss me! Holy crap! I had no idea how to react to that! What was I supposed to-

‘Do you like me?’ she leant closer to me, and her nose brushed against mine, making me shiver slightly.

‘I-I-I don’t know.’ I tried to look down at my lap but her hand on my chin kept me locked into looking at her so I squirmed about uncomfortably. ‘You’re…you’re really pretty and…stuff…’

She smiled crookedly and pressed her free hand against my side, making me jump slightly. Then she slipped it under my shirt and squeezed just underneath my ribcage, causing me to gasp. I clutched at her shoulders and she began to slide her hand up and down my side, caressing the curve of my hips.

‘Does that feel good?’ she asked and I nodded numbly, unable to think clearly through the waves of pleasure washing through me.

I could barely comprehend what was happening and I just stared at her, having no idea what to do. I’d never thought about making out with a girl before, or a guy. Sex and intimacy were always just things that adults did, stuff that I assumed I’d figure out when I grew up. I’d never touched myself, never watched porn, never been aroused or anything. My whole body was feeling things it’d never felt before and I was losing myself within them.

As I looked into her smiling, perfect face the warmth consuming my body turned inward, brushing around the butterflies in my stomach and focusing in on my lower half. An indescribably pleasant feeling pulsated through me and I was suddenly leaning closer to Jen, my body aching to feel her lips against mine. And my lower half…between my legs…

I was starting to get an ere-ah! AH! OH GOD! EWW! NO!

I flinched and drew my legs up underneath me, and then gently pulled Jen’s hand off of my side. ‘I don’t! Uhm! I don’t wanna…I don’t…’

‘You don’t want to get aroused?’ she asked gently and I stared at her in surprise, wondering how she’d known what I was trying to say. She smiled and rubbed my lips with her thumb, sending a sharp wave of desire down my spine. ‘It’s okay sweetie. It’s normal to be turned on. ’
I shook my head. ‘I-I don’t like it.’

‘Because of your penis?’

I flinched again and shivered. ‘Yeah.’

‘Just don’t think about it.’ she put her hands on the sides of my face and let out a shaky breath, her face flushed with arousal. ‘Just think about me.’

‘I-I do-’

I cut off as she pushed her face against mine, and her lips brushed up against my own. Lust drove through me and I felt my body react, and my p-

‘No!’ I jerked my head back and tore her hands off of me, my breathing coming out heavy and ragged. It was so hard to think through the burning fog of lust that was consuming me, but it was quickly drowning under a thick layer of disgust. Fuck! ‘I don’t like feeling like this!’

Jen stared at me and then grimaced, anger flashing through her eyes. She began to say something and then stopped herself, instead letting out a frustrated breath and glaring up at the ceiling.

‘I’m sorry! I’m sorry!’ Guilt joined the sea of shame inside of me and I felt tears form in my eyes. ‘I’m sorry!’

‘Don’t be sorry. It’s fine.’ she looked back down at me and shook her head, still seeming annoyed. ‘I’m just not used to people rejecting me like that.’

‘I’m sorry!’

‘I just said, don’t be sorry.’ she smirked at me, and then ran her hands over her face. ‘Fuck. You’re a stubborn one, aren’t you?’

‘I’m sor-uh.’ I sniffed and just stared at her, not sure what to say if I couldn’t apologise.

‘Well, whatever. We can work on that later,’ she continued as if I hadn’t spoken, tapping her hand on her knee. ‘Let’s just focus on shopping then. I still want to get you fitted for a bra a-’

‘What? No!’ I hugged my knees to my chest and shook my head. ‘I don’t want to do that today.’

Her forehead creased and she brushed her hair behind her ears, then shook herself slightly and let out a heavy breath. ‘Awh, fuck it.’

‘Huh?’

‘I wasn’t going to bring this up until you did, because I feel kind of bad knowing about it when it’s none of my business, but…’ she scratched her neck and then looked at me, her eyes still smouldering. ‘I guess I just don’t like being told “no” so often.’

I stared at her in utter confusion. ‘What?’

She let out a breath and sat straighter. ‘Ashley called me up last night so she could give your parents the address of the café, and she told me what happened between you and your mum.’

My heart skipped a beat and I stared at her in horror. Ashley had betrayed me! Kind of. Maybe!

‘What! What did she tell you?’

‘That your mum found out you were taking her hormones and took them from you, amongst other things.’ Jen shrugged. ‘But I’m guessing the reason you came to see me today was to ask for my help with that, right? You need hormones and think I can get them for you.’

My tongue stuck to the bottom of my mouth and I could only stare at her, feeling stupid. Why could everyone see through me so easily? What was wrong with me?

She leant close again. ‘And I can. I’d be more than happy to, in fact. The last thing I want is for your cuteness to fade away.’

My tongue freed itself in a gasp of hope. ‘R-really?’

‘Yep. I know what Ashley takes so all I have to do is go to my doctor and get the same script,’ she ruffled my hair and smiled widely. ‘But…I’ll expect something in return.’

‘What?’ I asked, but my heart sank. I already knew what she was going to say.

‘I want you to be my girlfriend.’

I blinked. ‘What?’

‘I want you to be my girlfriend,’ she repeated, her eyes now serious. ‘I like you, and you like me. So let’s start dating.’

I felt myself turn bright red and squirmed about on the couch, feeling strangely happy. That wasn’t the most romantic confession but considering what’d almost happened before we were kind of maybe already dating anyway. ‘Okay!’

She smiled, but her eyes remained serious. ‘I expect certain things from my girlfriends though, Alex.’

I swallowed and my arms tightened around my knees. ‘I can’t k-kiss you at the moment.’

Her lips thinned for a moment before returning to a smile. ‘That’s fine. I’m not going to ask you to do anything you find too uncomfortable, or unreasonable. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, sweetie.’

‘What do you expect from me then?’ I asked and then gasped slightly as she placed a hand in the middle of my chest, just above my breasts.

‘There’s a beautiful, perfect little girl locked up inside of you, Alex.’ she pushed slightly against me and used her free hand to brush some hair out of my eyes. ‘And I want to set her free. But I need you to help me. I need you to not fight against me so much, and just let me…help you.’

Her words washed over me like a pleasant breeze and soft butterflies brushed through my stomach. ‘I want to-to be a beautiful girl.’

‘Then trust me,’ she beamed at me and grabbed both of my hands. ‘Let’s go back to that lingerie store, okay? We’ll find you some cute underwear and you’ll feel great. Just like a girl.’

I bit my lip and looked at the store. ‘I don’t know if-’

‘It’ll be fine. Trust me,’ she said over me. ‘I know that it makes you feel uncomfortable, but the only way to fix that is to just go and do it. I promise you, by the end of today you’ll wonder why you were even embarrassed about it in the first place.’

‘But, can’t we wait a fe-’

‘No.’ her tone became stern and she squeezed my hands, somewhat painfully. ‘This is you fighting against me, sweetie. I don’t want that. Let me in. I know what’s best for you.’

I stared at her, my mind racing. If she was only going to give me hormones if I was her girlfriend, then I had to say yes to her. That was what she was implying before, wasn’t it? That she expected the people she dated to do what she said. If I said no then would she break up with me right here, just like that? And never give me hormones? Shit…

Jen was really nice though! If she said something was going to help me then I trusted her opinion over mine. And I did want to try on girls underwear and see how it felt, despite how embarrassed I was. I was a girl so it should be fine, like Jen said. I shouldn’t fight against her.

And besides all of that…she was really pretty! I wanted to be her girlfriend. I wasn’t really sure on what that meant beyond doing what she said, but with everything that was happening at home I needed her. If I had to do some things that I wasn’t comfortable doing, that’d probably end up helping me in the long run, then that was a tiny price to pay for hormones. And a girlfriend!

‘Okay!’ I pulled my hands out of hers and jumped off the couch, excited energy coursing through me. ‘I trust you!’

A thrilled smiled appeared on her face and she jumped up as well. She threw her arms around me in an affectionate hug and I blushed as her breasts rubbed against my head. ‘Thankyou, Alex. I promise, I’ll never hurt you or betray your trust. I’m going to make you beautiful. More beautiful than anyone else.’

I squashed myself against her and meowed slightly. ‘Will you look after me?’

‘Yes,’ she nodded solemnly. ‘We can talk about this later, but what Ashley told me about your mum is pretty messed up. I’ll protect you if something…unpleasant happens.’

I hugged her tighter. ‘I don’t want anything unpleasant to happen! I just want her to see me as girl, and treat me like one again.’

‘I’m sure she will.’ Jen patted my back. ‘But let’s not talk about that now. We need to get you fitted for a bra and get you some underwear. Then we can go to a café and relax for a bit, okay?’

I nodded and slowly let go of her. ‘Okay.’

She held my hand with a smile and then led me back to the store, making my heart leap. I was holding hands with my girlfriend. My girlfriend. I was someone’s girlfriend! I was dating someone! Whoa…

Life was so weird.

To be continued

Thankyou for reading!
I know a few of you will be upset with what Jen did here, and that's understandable. But just keep in mind that she's only fifteen years old and really does think she's helping Alex, and she is for the most part, for the moment. Her motivations may be skewed slightly but she's perhaps not yet self-aware enough to see that. More of her past and her family will be explored in future chapters to give more background on who she is and why she does the things she does.