I apologize that I did not publish this first. I didn't have a handle on picking up where I left off four years ago. Now, I realize that this was necessary. And the best part is that the Nelson kid wanted to write this
A Wildcat Summer Prologue
My story, well, it’s not a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away kinda story. This story is happening in the present time, like right now. It’s about me, Terry Nelson. But go back and look at that first sentence again. My life might just as well be a fairy tale. Seriously, the stuff that’s been happening to me is unbelievable. But when they make the fairy tale movie about my life, the script has to be penned in the Brothers’ Grimm style. You know, where people really die, and it’s not all a happy ending. My life ain’t no Disney flick.
I was going to end that paragraph with the phrase “shit happens” but decided not to and keep this story rated G. But readers, nothing is ever G rated. I’m just laughing over that rating ‘cause somebody dies a gristly death in this story, and they will still make it PG. But the idea of adults making love or even making out can be rated R if they’re naked. That’s in there, too.
So this is a story that has already been told in an epic called The Big Book Of Wildcats. Leslie Moore started writing stories about us long ago because she has a time machine and can pop all around the time continuum. But if you haven’t read Leslie Moore’s book, this cheater will bring you up to date without having to buy some huge volume and dedicate your life to reading it. I’m not saying it’s a snooze, but this way, we can duck around the corner and bring you up to date in A Wildcat Summer.
The opening scene of this tale takes place in last-period study hall at Allentown High School. Picture this: Winter is over, and spring break is happening. I’m sitting in my seat, leaning over and writing in my notebook, when my buddy, Don, reminds me that we’re going to Tony’s house cause he’s got a new X Box game.
Brian is sitting on my other side. Brian, Tony, Don, and I are friends, and we are gamers. Seniors get last-period study hall so the jocks can dress early for sports. The rest of us watch the clock, waiting to get out. Mr. StickUpHisButt is at the front looking at his computer. We’re trying to whisper. “Hey, whatcha doin’, man?”
“Writing a song for the Wildcats.”
“You mean your sister’s band? Man, they are such babes. You’re so lucky to be around such awesome women.” That’s Tony talking; he’s sitting behind me.
That about describes the Wildcats and what I do for Lisa’s band. I write tunes and email them out. They play them. It’s great for me because I want to go to music school to learn everything about music.
“So what’s this song called?”
“‘Two-Thirty Blues.’ It’s about our study hall.”
Fast-forward. It’s spring break, and Lisa comes home off the road after touring the South all winter. Lisa, Gina, Tiffany, and Zoe play in a punk bar band that is pretty popular on the circuit. It’s the three of us, no dad. My mom, Amy, is a nurse, and she is the greatest person I know.
So Lisa has dumped all her dirty laundry, and we’re sitting down to a family dinner. Out of nowhere, Lisa says, “Hey, Terry. You’ve got this week off. Why don’t you jam with us tomorrow?”
Did I mention that I play all sorts of instruments? I’m good cause whatever I hear stays in my head. Oh, yeah. I can sing too. But I don’t show off. Once a year, I play at the talent show each year cause the teacher, Miss Shaw, is cool.
That’s where I met my best friend, Jenn. We’ve been great friends until I found out that she liked me. That’s all it took for me to have the coolest, prettiest woman in our High School.
So after that invitation, I played with the Wildcats on that Monday. And they invited me back, and then the next day, too. Besides writing a bunch of their songs, I have an ear for arranging music, too. Those days were great for everybody. I got to play and sing with a fantastic group of women, and they got a fifth member at practice.
When we were practicing on Thursday morning, somebody lamented that it was a shame that I couldn’t play with them tonight at the Rendezvous cause I’d have fun and contribute by playing and singing.
Mark this moment down. This was when the first spell was cast. Imagine that the Wildcats are witches, and playing and singing with the band helped them trick me into wanting more. I loved it, and the idea of playing at the Rendezvous and rock club right in Allentown was awesome.
But the penalty attached to this spell was I had to look like one of the women. I didn’t mind dressing up a bit to look androgynous, and I had the most remarkable evening. Imagine being inside an adrenaline rush that was three hours long. The whole time we played, I had this embarrassing grin on my face. I was vibrating with excitement.
Playing on Thursday slipped into Friday and Saturday, too. Suddenly, the costumes became more elaborate, but the rush never stopped. The curse became more complicated because my mom, and we’ll get back to her later, told me that if I was going to create a fictitious character named Tasha, she was going to be here full-time until Sunday. Doable, I thought. I’ll go back to Terry when spring break ends.
And Jenn found out and fell under the witches' spell, too. Now, back to my mom. She’s the Queen of the Witches and created this whole Tasha thing with my loving sister, Lisa. They had me dressing and acting like a girl for the whole weekend, but I totally rocked because it was all about the rush of playing my music each night.
Of course, I made up the witches thing, but everything else is true and real. I swear.
Well, two agents came from New York and heard the Wildcats play on Friday and Saturday. They liked what they heard and wanted to sign the Wildcats, but only as a five-piece band. This was the second moment to mark down. I was still under this spell. And my thinking was to help out my sister and the band, but just for the summer. You know, until they get a record deal. Being Tasha for a while wouldn’t be so bad, I thought. You know just until they sign with a big music company.
Well, talk about everything happening all at once to the Cats with me tagging along. They had a club hit, appeared on the Ellen Show, signed a big contract for big money, appeared on the Tonight Show, and suddenly the world knew all about them.
It was a total tsunami. I barely survived, but Tasha popped her head up above the waters, and five Wildcats played in Allentown, Atlanta, Los Angeles, New Orleans, and New York. Crazy stuff like clothing sponsors, makeup sponsors, and fashion shows all came the band’s way.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that on my first night of taking Tasha out in a social setting, she attracted a predator who kidnapped her. She was rescued by Jessica Jade, a fantastic hero. This guy, Amos, subsequently broke out of the high-security mental hospital and stalked Tasha to kill her.
But back to me. I was settling in playing Tasha. It wasn’t hard, and playing live rock with eager audiences kept me charged. I lived for the adrenaline. But I was buried under boob pads, butt pads, and hip pads. That was a big deal.
I needed better camouflage. Our drummer’s sister owned a salon and hooked me up with body pads that were glued on to give me realistic, girly curves. The pads looked seamless and made Tasha a lot more real.
One problem popped up. I’d never paid much attention to my own body cause it was lame. See, I was the only twelfth grader who never had puberty. I was tall enough, but no muscles, no facial hair, and, well, my equipment was punk. Jenn still loved me, so that was good. So Isabella from the salon and I started discussing my body shape. She remarked that it had a young girl shape to it. And as we replaced the pads, it seemed like it had swollen up.
My mom made me an appointment with the doctor she worked for. He examined me and said I should go to another doctor and get some tests, which I did.
The blood tests, the MRI, the CAT scan, and lots of X-rays revealed, roll the drums, that I wasn’t a boy. I wasn’t a girl, either. I was intersex. And the great reveal also found a few girl parts inside of me. The parts that make estrogen. And now that everyone was examining my body, it turned out that I had started puberty a while back. But it was a girl's puberty.
Cool, you’re probably saying. Intersex, looking like a woman, and playing in an all-woman band didn’t work out well. Nope, nope, nope. Hit the brakes. My brain had been programmed to be me, Terry, boy. I mean, I had a girlfriend, and I should be growing muscles.
Are you still with me? I mean, I haven’t mentioned the other people in my world. I should make a list to help you along with this strange tale.
Terry Nelson - me
Lisa Nelson -sister, older, beautiful blonde who met a guy named Smith who used to be the lead singer for EBR, Eaten By Raptors
.
Gina is a shapely and beautiful drummer who is deeply in love with Grace Goldman, my counselor.
Tiffany is a bass player, tall, and a gorgeous blonde. She’s got Mike.
Zoe is a red-headed lead guitar player in the band. She’s become my writing partner. Her love is Bruno.
Amy Nelson - Mom has a thing with Zoe’s dad, Conor.
Richard and Phil - our agents and producers
Warner’s Records - Bill is the boss who likes us. We signed a big contract with them.
And so our summer begins. We all live in a house out in the woods near Allentown. The first floor has a recording studio, and we’re going to finish up our record and start touring in June.
That, my friends, is where this tale should begin. Because I’m not the best writer, Leslie Moore is going to take over telling this tale.
Dear Reader,
Wildcat Summer is available on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Wildcat-Summer-Leslie-Moore-ebook/dp/...
There are many chapters to read in the sample
Leslie
Dear Readers, Thank you very much for continuing to sample a new Wildcats story. As you read, think about a few questions. (1.) Is it clear? (2.) How much background do you feel you need to read the new one? (3.) What would you like to see?
Chapter Two
Terry watched Phil manipulate a bank of sliding controls on the big console that Warner’s installed in the new studio. He turned and said, “It’s great! We can fine-tune the sound coming from your instruments and the mics as we record. We control the volume and quality of each individual input. Warner’s also installed mics around the room to record a live sound. Everything feeds through twenty-four tracks here.”
“Sounds impressive, Phil. Let’s give it a try. I’ll go out and noodle around with a guitar.” Terry left the booth and grinned as he picked his Fender Telecaster off the stand. Lisa had given him her old Stratocaster she’d bought in a pawn shop. Sid Mack’s Allentown Music provided the new Gibson Flying Vee in exchange for public appearances. But the best one was an early Telecaster that Zoe’s dad had gifted Tasha.
Terry went to the wall and pressed a few buttons on an electric metronome. After getting a good beat, he strapped himself in. Turning on his small studio amp, he ran his fingers along the strings and the fretboard. Holding a pick in his right hand, Terry struck a few notes using his left hand to bend the notes a half step or more. He thought of Buddy Guy or Muddy Waters and wanted to achieve a Chicago blues sound.
Terry warmed up for a few minutes, then looked at the glass booth. Phil was waiting for a cue and clicked the bright red button. A lighted sign above the plate glass window said LIVE.
As the metronome ticked off a slow beat, Terry could hear the entire band playing inside his head. It was easy to feel Gina’s bass drum, her sticks banging out a 2/4 time. Tiffany’s bass would melodically find the rhythm and lay down a walking beat. Zoe would chose a counterpoint to his lead. And his sister, Lisa, would use their synthesizers playing piano and Hammond Organ.
Usually, the band warmed up by playing one of Terry’s compositions, Two-Thirty Blues. Of course, the women heard a tortured love song. They never suspected that he was whining about last period study hall waiting for the bell to ring.
No one heard the band playing except Terry. It was how his brain worked. Terry closed his eyes and felt the music run through him. He was at the top of a hill looking around at fields of wildflowers under a blue sky. He could hear the bees buzzing and the birds chirping.
When Terry finally returned to the present, he wiped the tears from his eyes and smiled as he felt the weight lifting from his shoulder.
Of course the tears were a reminder of his overactive emotional state. Hormones blasting through his system caused him to experience a lot of new feelings. Terry frowned as he pictured a line of high school cheerleaders yelling out, ‘Yeah, Estrogen!’
Terry was still struggling with his intersex diagnosis. He realized he wasn’t driving the bus. These days, he was barely hanging on for the ride. Tasha was in charge and driving the bus.
As he wiped down the neck and put the guitar back in the rack, he thought about the album they’d be recording. Richard had reminded them, “Better songs were downloaded as singles. And you know Warner’s wanted Wildcat hits to flood the world this summer.
Lisa smiled. “We’ll give Warner’s twenty songs, our greatest stuff. And each song will the best version we can record.”
Tiffany was nodding. “Good thinking. I say we work for the next few weeks playing and recording those numbers. We smooth out the kinks playing a Rendezvous weekend. and an afternoon concert for Sid Mack on his rooftop in downtown Allentown. We’ll be ready to lay down our final tracks before we fly to Atlanta.”
Zoe nodded. “Field tests make sense.”
Terry smiled, but was still worried. His fear sent chills down his spine. Filling an arena with fans paying a hundred bucks a seat seemed daunting. The band wondered if they were as good as all the hype. And when Richard talked about the Atlanta stage, it got worse. “It’s a hockey arena, kids. They held the NBA All-Star game there. It can hold up to 16,000 in the stands, not counting the seats they can put on the floor.”
Hearing that, they turned to each other and shook their heads. None of them felt confident about this. They hoped talking to Bill Wiggins would ease their concerns.
In the meantime, Terry wandered over to the booth.
Phil smiled. “Your guitar sounded great! Are you ready to hear your sound?”
Terry was nodding as Phil played the music through the studio monitors. He was listening critically. “The sound is great. Could you make it more three-dimensional?”
Phil nodded and showed him where the controls were located. “We can even run auto-tuning, too. But I wouldn’t want to remove the imperfections. It would sound too AI.”
Terry smiled. “You’ll have your hands full when we start recording this afternoon.”
Phil chuckled.“Yep. I’ve already given Richard notice. He’ll be in here working with me to get sound recording levels on everything. It’s the first time the studio is ready to record and the Wildcats need to give it a name.”
“What?” Terry shook his head.
“Sure. Your studio will get a recording credit if you plan to record EBR here. I already heard your reference to Music From Big Pink, the band’s first album.
Terry was smiling. “Those guys were consummate musicians.”
The eighteen-year-old amazed Phil. Terry had a very unique gift when it came to music.
A studio name. Terry thought about all the famous recording studios. Muscle Shoals in Alabama, Electric Lady in New York, Paramount Studios in LA, AIR studio in Montserrat, and Sigma Sound Studios right in Philly were his favorites. While their little basement outfit would never touch those shrines, it would be fun to give it a name.
As Terry was thinking about the studio, his phone rang. He looked down to see that it was Jenn calling. “Give me a minute, Phil. I want to talk to Jenn.” He turned and walked outside. “Hey, lover! How you doin'?”
“Lover!” Terry heard a man’s laugh. “No. It’s Tony, dude. Your lover’s standing right here with me. We bumped into each other getting coffee. Jenn and I decided to get the whole gang together. But Jenn said we needed a nicer place than my garage apartment. She suggested we have dinner in a restaurant. She said you’ll treat cause you’re so rich!”
Terry was trying to understand what he was hearing. OMG, Tony! A while back, he and Jenn dropped by to visit those guys before his planned intersex announcement went public. In just a few quick minutes, he’d explained to them that the fifth member of the Wildcats wasn’t a sexy twenty-two-year-old rocker chick but their nerdy high school buddy who’s discovered he was intersex. They hadn’t spent any time with the new Terry. He felt like he was still on shaky ground talking to his old buddies, especially Tony who couldn’t stop talking about the new hot chick, Tasha. “Sure, Tony. Great idea! Now, put my scheduling director on.”
“Great, see ya soon, dude.”
He was trying to keep his mind from spinning with the ‘what ifs’. Dude? He was far from a dude anymore.
Then he heard Jenn’s voice. “Hi, Honey! Surprise!”
“Yeah, Jenn. Surprise, surprise. Uh, what’s going on?”
“Aw. I can hear it in your voice. You’re getting all crazy worrying about this meet-up. It’s going to be good medicine, Rock Star. The sooner you start interacting with your old friends, the better you’ll feel. You’re getting worked up over this Terry/Tasha thing. Hiding out in the Wildcats world is safe and secure, but you’re missing out on the Allentown laughs. Public stuff like rides at Dorney Park with Brian, Don, and Tony.”
Terry sighed, “I’m trying to visualize hanging with the guys but keep seeing myself wearing Jersey Girl. Seriously, Jenn. What’s hanging with the guys going to do? I think you’re shooting from the hip here with psychobabble. Seriously, I don’t need any help.”
Jenn laughed. “Oh, I agree, lover. You’re perfect in every way. But, come on. You’re a wallflower. After everyone gets past your look, it’s going to be fun. You know, the same old, same old.”
“Uh, sure. Everything’s going to be great for you. Except they’re going to be staring at Terry in a dress. Their old friend is a joke, a freak.”
“You’re a beautiful freak. And they will have trouble taking their eyes off of beautiful you.”
“Yeah. Everybody stares at the pretend woman from another planet.” He could hear Jenn laughing. “C’mon, it’s not funny. I’m not ready to be a woman in a public setting. I don’t want to be sexualized.”
“Listen to you, sexualized! I understand. You have no incentive to look as pretty as you do on stage. Terry, I’m your coach. I’ll help you dress, and we can downplay the new girl growing in you.”
“I don’t have to hide with the Wildcats, but you’re stretching my mental limits. Terry’s not ready for PrimeTime!”
“C’mon, Terry. You won’t have to act differently or pretend you’re something you’re not. The outside world knows about Tasha of the Wildcats. But in Allentown, Terry can be who he wants to be.”
“Uh, thanks, Doc. Great advice to get my head spinning. I’ll be too sick with worry to enjoy this. By the way, when are you arranging this public execution, oops, gathering?”
“For tomorrow night. I’ve made a reservation at Buddha Thai. It’s upscale enough to keep your gang under control.”
“Okay, sure. I can see it now. I’ll be the appetizer along with hot and sour soup, summer rolls, and dumplings. Look at the boy in the dress using chopsticks.”
“Stop overthinking this, Terry. I’ll hold your hand and it’ll work out. You’ll be thanking me afterward.”
Terry tried to imagine what his friends would be seeing. Today, he wore a cropped tee shirt, lightweight leggings, ankle socks, and low sneakers. Of course, he was wearing a thong and a bra. He needed a thong for tucking, and his boobs were almost filling an A cup. When he went without a bra, his nipples reacted. They grew and were visible. He stopped and glanced at his reflection in the glass-mirrored recording booth. He’d gotten so used to adding mascara and lip stain. And now, with his shaped eyebrows, there was no mistaking his girly face. And piercings! His tattoos! Everything yelled out girly!
He cursed under his breath. His fantasy Wildcat life would crash into his old Allentown world tomorrow night. Thinking about a dinner with his high school buddies was making him crazy. He needed to stop playing the ‘what if’ games inside his brain.
When Terry walked back into the studio, both Zoe and Lisa were getting lessons from Phil. He tried to smile even though his brain was bouncing all over the place. “Hey!”
Lisa hugged him. Zoe gave him quizzical look. She sensed something was wrong.
Lisa was sharing. “Gina’s picking up Tif and bringing out an early dinner. Her mom’s sending over a vegetable lasagna and a big green salad. Come on. Follow me up to the dining room.”
As Terry followed them upstairs, Zoe grabbed his arm and leaned into his ear. “Something’s wrong. It’s written all over your face. Let’s talk later.”
Terry relaxed. Knowing he’d be airing his craziness with Zoe made him feel better. Walking up the steps, he did his best imitation of their beautiful blonde bass player. “You know, I can hear Tiffany letting go on Richard and Phil. She’d be saying, ‘We need a good Chianti! Something rich and full-bodied to go with this delicious food.’”
As he finished his imitation, Tiffany stood there holding a big lasagna in an insulated pouch. “Yeah, Little! You know it. It’s a sin to eat a great homemade pasta dish without a proper red wine.” She stared at Phil, directing her comment at his face. “But, it looks like mom’s eating with us tonight. Our prison warden!”
Phil held up two hands in surrender. “Hey! You guys have a month to make a record and I’m a big believer that all work and no play makes Tiffany a boring Wildcat. So, get out the wine glasses, and we can toast to our new, unnamed studio. Oh, and please stop calling me mom. Uncle Phil will suffice!”
Gina was carrying the big bowl of salad. “Hey, gang! Did I hear Uncle Phil say we can toast with wine? Coincidently, my mom sent over two bottles from my dad’s cellar.”
As they all gathered in the dining room, Phil talked about Atlanta. “I hope you’re ready to try out an arena. This hockey stadium in Atlanta is perfect. They’ve held plenty of concerts, and the acoustics are great. If you have any questions or concerns, Bill Wiggins is arranging a video call after lunch. In the meantime, how about limiting yourselves to one glass and drinking lots of water? I want you to remember to stay hydrated.”
As they munched, Terry looked at each of them. No one seemed too concerned about doing a show in an arena. He hoped that Warner’s head honcho would have some words of encouragement.
An hour later, everyone gathered in front of their big screen in the living room. After exchanging pleasantries, William Wiggins started their meeting.
“So, Ladies! How does it feel to find yourselves rocketing into the big time?”
Tiffany spoke out first. “Honestly, I’m scared about Atlanta. We’ve played to bigger audiences in New Orleans. But my big fear is we won’t sell out and have to play in a half-empty building. The Press would love to write about how the Wildcats fizzled out before they got started!”
Terry looked around to see everyone nodding.
Wiggins smiled. “I hear what you’re saying, Tiffany. It’s a valid concern and I’m sure your biggest fear is failure. But, remember. You’re an experienced band and know how to handle all your problems. You solve all your dilemmas and are confident that you've got it covered whatever comes your way, whether it’s a broken guitar string or an electrical problem.”
The Wildcats smiled as Bill Wiggins continued. “Okay. Let’s talk about Gimli and what experience he brings to this evening. The man has been in the business for twenty years and specializes in selling tickets in Atlanta. He has partners and won’t gamble with their money. He’s a sharp promoter, and if he’s confident that the Wildcats can sell tickets. We need to focus on that. Gimli wants to start promoting a show for the last week in May. I say we give him the green light.”
Lisa raised her hand. “We don’t want to look foolish or like losers. Up until a short while ago, we handled everything. Now we rely on professionals to steer us in the right direction. It’s disconcerting.”
“Right. I hear you. Phil and Richard are great people, and are good for you. Gina Dinardo’s dad is an excellent lawyer and financial advisor. And I’m confident you’ll be a sell-out in Atlanta. I see you selling out everywhere you appear throughout your summer tour.”
“Are they all ten thousand-seat arenas? We can do that?” Zoe looked skeptical.
Wiggins looked confident. “Yep. I bet you’ll be sold out in every town you visit. We’re going to be working hard to help drive the band’s success. Warner’s has the team and the experience. We’ve got contacts everywhere you play. Our advance people will start the ball rolling. We’ll have you interviewing with local radio station personalities, podcasters, online influencers, and on TV talk shows. After a while it just becomes a job. You’ll find yourselves answering the same softball questions over and over again.”
Bill Wiggins took a sip of water. “Not all your shows will be 10,000 seats. Certainly, weekends will be packed. We’ll all pitch in to drum up the audiences everywhere you go. You’ll be performing at State Fairs and festivals. Eventually, it all becomes a blur.”
“We’re not afraid of work.” Tiffany nodded.
“Well, remember that you have national fame now. People recognize you from YouTube, the Ellen Show, and the Tonight Show. Your website is constantly getting money for downloads. This band needs to realize how much buzz is going around. Your Fur Face song is an underground hit. You’re always being posted on Instagram in your furry costumes. You’ve got fans.”
Lisa smiled remembering how she was recognized in Nashville down in the tourist section. It was disarming, but she was glad to have her hunky cowboy with her. “Well, how about merchandising?”
“Good question. We have all the photos from your cover shoot. Posters, a tour souvenir book, tee shirts and apparel from Jersey Girl are being made to sell for the tour. A merch crew has been hired to tour with you. Set design, sound, and lighting are being dialed up right now. We’ll be testing all of that out in Atlanta.”
Terry watched them look at each other. They didn’t look convinced.
William Wiggins sighed. “Okay, well, I’ll let you in on a secret. Your hockey rink seats sixteen thousand in the stands and even more on the floor. But, if ticket sales lag, they can drag a huge curtain across half the stadium, and it will be a half-full house. They call that a dance party.”
Terry raised his hand. “Thank you. I’m feeling better. We’re just starting to work on the album, which is our first day in the studio.”
“Good. Speaking of your album, I just heard a rough cut of your live side, and it’s being sent out to you today. Remember, it’s a rough cut, so you might hear some electrical hiss or a balance problem that hasn’t been cleaned up yet. It’s one of the best live albums I’ve heard. When we release the double album in early June, you’ll easily sell out places. Trust me.”
After everyone said their goodbyes, they went downstairs to their instruments. Richard appeared back in the booth as Phil’s assistant, and they were getting levels on the mics and instruments. Everyone wore headphones to hear the directions and talk without yelling.
After ten minutes, Phil quietly said, “I think we’re ready. Turn it loose, Wildcats. Play “Run, Run, Gone” at full speed.”
Everyone turned and grinned. This was the moment they’d been looking forward to for days. They kept their headphones on to muffle the sound and protect their hearing. They were overjoyed finding a familiar spot, playing what they knew so well. And when Phil played it back to them, they couldn’t get the grins off their faces. As their lives were becoming more complex and decisions had their heads spinning, music soothed their minds.
They spent the rest of the afternoon laying down tracks and listening to them. Around eight o’clock, Richard kicked them out of the studio and told them that was it. “Go relax and let off some steam. We’ll start again down here tomorrow afternoon.”
As they put their instruments away, Tiffany yelled, “We’ll be running tomorrow at ten am. And we need to hire a personal chef to start eating healthier.”
Everyone stopped and turned to look at her. “Sure. To start the day, someone should leave the refrigerator full of fresh fruit, smoothies, and whole grain muffins. They can also prepare calorie-conscious lunches and dinners. I’m not getting fat while we sit around recording. I’m going to need to fit in my wedding dress.”
Gina laughed. “The big question will be our bridesmaid's dresses. Right, Terry?”
He was used to the banter. “If Tasha’s going to be a bridesmaid, the bride’s gotta wear pink. We can call Tiffany’s old designer from Jersey Girl. He’ll gladly make the whole ensemble for you!”
Naturally, everyone laughed as they took Richard’s encouragement seriously. It was a cue to call their honeys and disappear. Gina drove her mom’s car into Philly where Grace kept a small place. Tiffany disappeared with Mike with a smile.
Lisa collected Smith from upstairs. As they were headed out, she turned to Terry. “Hey, we’re going out to eat. Can we bring something back for you?”
“Thanks. I’m calling Jenn now. We’ll do something.” He waved as he reached for his phone. “Hey.”
“Hey, yourself. You ready for me?”
“I will be after I get a shower.”
“You hungry?”
“Hungry for you.”
“Well, I’m hungry. So I’m taking you out to eat. Warning, I’m dressing nice.”
With that, Terry disconnected. He wandered upstairs and dropped all his clothes in his hamper. It was getting full, which meant he needed to do his laundry. He walked across the hall to the third-floor bathroom and turned on the water.
While waiting for it to warm up, he stared at the mirror. Before it fogged up from the steam, he stared at a teen girl whom he would have asked out.
He was drying off when Jenn popped in. She immediately pulled the towel away and held him in her arms. The contact heated him up, and he felt like he was melting. “Mmm.”
Jenn smiled and bit his lower lip hard enough to get his attention. “You’re dressing up for dinner tonight. Let’s get a move on. Our reservation is in thirty minutes.”
Terry wasn’t thinking; he just followed Jenn’s orders. His closet was packed with Wildcat outfits and it didn’t take him long to pick out Jersey Girl’s idea of a jumpsuit. It was light gray and the material seemed to glow. It had cap sleeves and tight leggings. It zipped up in the middle with a wide black zipper. He slipped on ankle-length boots.
He looked over to see Jenn picking out a cocktail dress. It was a strapless corset-style top with a pleated skirt. The fabric was dark blue with silver threads running through it. Terry watched her slip on matching pantyhose. With that outfit, she didn’t need panties or a bra. Locating the three-inch matching heels only took a minute.
As she was looking herself over, she noticed Terry staring. “What?”
“When Jersey Girl sent that one to me, I never considered it. You own it!”
Jenn kissed him, then smiled. “I enjoy looking good for my beautiful Rock Star.”
Once dressed, Terry added product to his hair and combed it straight back. The top was longer and dyed silver. The sides were close cut allowing his light brown hair to frame his multiple piercings.
He watched Jenn apply her makeup. When she saw him watching, she smiled. “You’re lucky that Glow Cosmetics gave you such a wonderful makeover. With your dyed eyelashes you can forgo mascara and eye shadow. And with your shaped and lightly dyed eyebrows, you don’t need to do anything. You have such young skin.”
As they drove off in Jenn’s car, his stomach grew tight. “Please don’t tell me that tonight's dinner is with the guys. Please.”
Jenn laughed. “I am cruel and mean, girl, but would never kick your feet out from under you. No. Tonight’s dinner is with my mom and your mom. I think it’s time we all get together. My mom wants to make sure your family is acceptable. You know, no two-headed mutants.”
“Seriously? She’s worried about my mom?”
“No. I think she wants to meet the woman that raised you.”
“What’s she going to think about me all Tasha’d out like this?”
“Oh, honey. Your mom has seen you dressed up a million times now. But my mom only recalls the skinny kid I haven’t stopped talking about for the past two years. She’s never met the woman I love.”
Terry gripped his seat rest tightly and moaned quietly. “I don’t know about this.”
Jenn smiled and patted his thigh. “Honey, you’re going to be fine. Fine.”
Later as they lay in bed together, Jenn curled up on Terry’s chest. “I think you make the best love after you’ve had a near-death experience.”
He sighed. “You’re right. That’s what this felt like throughout the evening. I thought I was going to die several times. The worst was when you announced your sperm bank plan. I thought both moms was going to kill you.”
“Well, after my mom’s scolding, you heard me promise I would wait until I got my Masters and my career going before I’d make little Terrys.”
“Yeah. For the rest of the night your mom looked at me like I was as crazy as you are. She stared at me like I was the sex fiend who wanted to impregnate her innocent, saintly daughter. Even after I explained my intersex dilemma and that I’m impotent and sterile, I don’t think she believed me.”
“Well, Terry. Your mom defended the sperm bank. And the way she proudly told her story, I knew my mom instantly loved her. My mom had to raise the two of us all on her own after my deadbeat dad abandoned us. That’s how we ended up in Allentown. She was broke, and this advertising agency needed an East Coast representative.”
“In all this time I’ve known you, where’s your sister? How come I haven’t met her? Is there a problem?"
“No. My sister and I get along well. I applied to some Universities in the Chicago area. My sister lives in Chicago. She has a business, a home, a dog, and a lover out there. We were raised in Washington DC, not Allentown. When we moved here, she was already in school. She doesn’t call Allentown home.”
Jenn got up on her knees and reached for a Kleenex.
“That’s where my mom stays when she’s out in Chicago on business. Even though mom’s central offices are in the windy city, she works the entire East Coast.”
“You don’t talk about your sister much.”
“Oh, it’s not at all like that. We are great and I talk to her a lot. We have separate lives, and she likes to draw some lines.”
“Why?”
“Well, my sister stepped out of the lines a while back. She has this successful clothing boutique that is doing great. She’d even had offers to sell out. My sister, Julia, financed her clothing boutique by working in the adult film industry. She did one of those pay-per-view daily shows pandering to voyeurs. She was quite popular with removing her clothes and putting them back on. But once she made enough money, Julia retired. So my mother has trouble dealing with the shade attached to her.”
“Is that a problem for you?”
“Not for me. She even offered to introduce me to her old agent if I ever wanted to make a lot of money.”
Terry laughed. “Well, Jenn. You can do whatever you want, and I’ll support you. It would be a status symbol for a Rock Star to have an adult film actress for a girlfriend. You and my mom can have all my money. Together we’ll have enough money for a lifetime. The Wildcats are just getting started.”
“Yeah, sometimes I think my sister’s need to make money that way was her way of releasing the anger she had after our father ruined our lives.” Jenn shook her head. “Looking at my sister you would never know that she’d spent three years showing off her body for money. I will give her credit. She drew a line and never had sex online. All she did was get herself naked and talk to people. She used to joke that it was therapy for many lonely men. She’d spent her time in different lingerie.”
Terry nodded. “When I meet her, does she keep all that a secret now?”
“No. She never denies it but has to be constantly wary of stalkers and predators from her old life. It isn't very easy. When she retired from that life, she disappeared from that scene completely.”
“You know, I understand your sister’s fears, which brings me another thought. Will we have a problem with the weird people? The Wildcats will be pushed out into the public eye when we start to tour. Will we need security to keep people from bothering us?”
Jenn shook her head. “Good point. People are going to be interested in you. But what happens when people start to hear about a gay drummer and an intersex guitar player in a band of women? I wonder what creeps will come out of the woodwork? Lots of crazies!”
Suddenly, Jenn looked shocked, realizing who she was talking to. “Oh, Terry. I’m sorry I forgot that you know all about crazy people. I guess you need to talk to Bill Wiggins and Jessica Jade. She and her fiancee might end up joining your tour as security.”
“Yeah, how's it going to work? Are we going to be in hotels every night or playing a lot of nights for two weeks and then coming back to Allentown for some down time?
“I’m sure all those questions will be answered soon enough. I suggest asking Richard tomorrow morning. And don’t forget, tomorrow is your coming-out dinner!”
“Ah, Jenn. Don’t remind me. I’m so nervous out right now. Dressing up in front of your mom and mine was a deep breath. It’s different being dressed and on stage. Dinner was real. There wasn’t any doubt that looking at me, I'd turned the corner. I’ve become a woman.”
“Terry, honey. You look beautiful, and you’re a Wildcat. You love it. Maybe someday, you’ll embrace Tasha fully.”
She pushed him down with her hands resting on his shoulders. “Just remember that being a woman doesn’t mean you need a man around to fulfill you. I know how much you love to be held and kissed. But don’t get confused over that. Everyone loves to be held and kissed. Don’t start shaming yourself because you let yourself go. You’ve discovered what turns you on. You love to get high and be squeezed and kissed. I know because that’s what we do together. And sure, you’ve gotten stoned and kissed a boy. You were enjoying the whole physical thing. That rush was pleasureful and your inhibitions let you enjoy yourself. I don’t think there’s anything gay when you’re intersex. I think you love everyone, boy or girl. That’s not bad.”
“That was the longest speech I’ve ever heard you say. You might be right. Sometimes, I lose myself in Tasha and forget who I am.”
“It’s whom, not who. Sorry, too many hours prepping for the GED. I don’t want to sound like a broken record, Terry, baby. Here's a big secret-you are Tasha! The two of you share a body.”
“Ha, ha.”
“Let’s face it, Rock Star. Remember that word transitioning?”
“You mean like moving from one sex to another?”
“Sure. I think you need to relax your rules about sex.”
He stared directly at her. “That’s easy for you to say because you weren’t standing there while I was making out.”
“Okay, ask yourself. If I’m there and you’re high, who would you choose?”
Terry thought for a minute. “Who’s in charge? I don’t trust Tasha. All joking aside, you are always number one.”
“Woah! You gotta share that with Grace.”
“What? You mean not trusting Tasha. Yeah, but it’s all getting strange. Too many of the things I love are girly. That could be who I am. I get so confused.”
Terry could feel the tears starting to flow from his eyes. “Look at me! I’m crying like a girl. I’m ready to sob into my pillow.”
Jenn held her lover tightly in her arms. They’d both gotten undressed and were wearing tees. Jenn felt Terry’s breasts as he sobbed and his chest heaved. “It’s okay. Nobody has to know about your loves and fears. It’s okay to feel beautiful. It’s okay to like to look at yourself in the mirror.”
Terry stopped sobbing and turned to look at her. “How’d you know?”
“Oh, honey. All of us cry in the shower and all of us look in the mirror. You forget that it’s not all girly. Guys are the same way. And yes, guys cry, too. It’s not the estrogen that’s making you into a different person. It’s you. It’s always been your nature, but you denied that. You were afraid to got there.”
“Huh?”
“Sure. You’ve written sad songs, beautiful torch songs about love. That’s been you since I first heard you. And you’ve always been a skinny, quiet person who is happy just being part of a group. The cats love you because you’re a caring, loving person. There’s not a mean bone in your body. They see that and would all take a bullet for you.”
Terry was listening. He realized that Jenn had been sitting watching all those times while the guys horsed around playing video games. “Jenn, what happens to everything I’ve done with the guys when I appear looking like this? I can’t do a fake Terry thing anymore. It’s so weird, but this is me.” Once again, tears were streaming down his cheeks.
“You’re the same Terry. Sure, the undiscovered part of you is emerging rapidly. You’ve never been able to digest or run with it. Just imagine if all of this was happening in the classroom. Imagine changing so much daily that you can’t hide your changing body or even your expanding mind.”
Terry started laughing. “You know, I first imagined an alien inhabiting a woman’s body trying to move among the Earthlings. Slowly, that alien started to morph inside and out until the creature was the Earth woman.”
Jenn sat up on her knees and kissed him on the mouth. “You’re living that story. I like the fact that the story’s not over. It’s still happening. Ya gotta love it!”
Terry grabbed her hard and pulled her down into his arms. “I think it’s my turn to be on top!”
Dear Reader,
Wildcat Summer is available on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Wildcat-Summer-Leslie-Moore-ebook/dp/...
There are many chapters to read in the sample
Leslie
Thank you for reading. I enjoy hearing your suggestions. This is the second half of chapter three. It's funny how it's much easier to write half a chapter at a time.
Terry picked up the phone. He smiled, seeing that Jenn was calling.
“No!” It sounded to him like she was laughing.
He decided to play it cool. “Well, hi, Jenn. How are you doing?”
“Fine, Terry. No, no, no.”
“Three no’s. I think you’re trying to tell me something.”
“Stop being a smart-ass! I just got your photo. You certainly look beautiful, but you need to have your head examined.”
“Why, Jenn? I thought you said it’s a casual place. What’s wrong with my outfit?”
“First of all, you don’t go into a restaurant with an exposed midriff. It’s like a sanitary thing, you hoochie momma. No bare feet, no bathing suits.”
“Hoochie? I’m insulted. Here I was trying to look nice.”
“Terry Nelson, you’re doing a good job of trying my patience and making me laugh at the same time. I commend your moxie for jumping into the deep end of the pool. But that’s not how you greet your friends.”
“Why? Isn’t that me now? Shouldn’t I embrace who I am?”
“Certainly. But you’re making me feel like I’m your mom and saying, “You’re not going out dressed like that!”
Terry laughed at the sound of her voice. She did sound like a mom. “OK, mom. So why not?”
“You need to garner respect from your high school friends. If you show up all decorated and on display, they will all respond to you like you’re working in Hooters.”
Terry laughed aloud. In a put-on voice, he said, “Hey, I guess this is the new me. The old high school Terry has evaporated into thin air. What everybody used to imagine he was, well, news flash - he never was. Old Terry spent his life disguised, trying to look like a boy. The old Terry was never a boy! And I think this is a great outfit to wear to his funeral. But, OK. I see your point about going into a restaurant dressed like this."
.
“My point is you have to think about what your horn dogs would think if you showed up decked out like Tasha does on stage. Tasha is a two-dimensional puppet, like an imaginary figure, like a character in a movie. She’s the stripper side of you and strippers wear everyday clothes, too.”
“Interesting. You’ve gone from calling me a hoochie mama, to Hooter’s girl, to stripper. Well, Jenn. We’ve covered a lot of ground in a few seconds.”
“Well, either way, Rock Star, you need help. I know Jersey Girl will send you anything you ask for. You need to get some stuff to wear around the house for the next month.”
Terry was grinning and shaking his head. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about how rock stars dress at home and kinda came up blank. Duh.”
Jenn started laughing. “Duh? You’re living with four rockers twenty-four, seven. Do the Cats dress up like they are going on the stage every day?”
Terry suddenly felt like he’d been pushed into a cold shower. He looked at himself and opened his eyes. The clouds parted, and he thought about his bandmates and how they dressed. “Good point, mom. What do you suggest?”
“I suggest you come downstairs and greet me in the driveway. I’m here.”
When he reached the entrance hall to the house, she was waiting there. He quickly looked her over and smiled. Jenn was wearing Jenn clothes: dressy black capris, a pretty white knit top, and a Phillies team jacket. Her hair was in a high ponytail, and she wore mascara and lipstick. She was beautiful in a perfectly Jenn way.
She immediately wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him hard. “Oh, my God! You’re a sexy, beautiful doll, and I want to take you upstairs and ravish you. But instead, I’m going to take you upstairs and dress you all over again.”
“Aw, no time for a ravishing?” Terry followed Jenn up to his bedroom.
“Mmm. You’re right. We should always take time for ravishing. Strip down, and let’s see what you’ve got on for underwear. You are wearing underwear, right?”
After Terry stripped down, she playfully ran her hand across his butt. He shivered with her touch and moaned.
She slapped him hard. “Keep the jeans look, they’re nice.”
Terry was pleased to see her tossing him a new top but sad that it covered the tattoo on his upper arm. When she threw him a new black satin hoodie from Jersey Girl, he hesitated. It was a sample they were looking to sell as merchandise on their upcoming tour. There was a large, colorful Wildcat emblem stitched across the back, but the whole jacket was piped in bright pink. He slipped it on and modeled the outfit in his mirror. He frowned. It was a woman’s cut and fit him perfectly. He was pleased it didn’t have Tasha’s name embroidered on the breast.
He reached for his black leather Jordans.
Jenn laughed. She saw him frown as he was staring at his image. “What’s the matter, lover? Too boring?”
Terry shrugged, “I guess not. But I’m still making a statement, aren’t I? I just look like me. Isn’t everyone looking for Tasha? Isn’t everyone expecting to see a rock chick?”
Keeping him facing the mirror, Jenn reached around and held him tightly so he continued to stare at himself in the mirror. She nuzzled his ears and bit an earlobe. “You are the real Terry, not your stage fictional character, Tasha. You can still be a rock star without all the trappings. You’ve been wearing these clothes every day since you started with the Wildcats. You’re not making a public appearance to sign autographs or take pictures with fans. This is just a dinner out with friends.”
He nodded. “Okay. I’m starting to understand your point. It’s obvious that I still need guidance to get this right.”
“Honey, you’ll meet your friends as the new Terry. Let them buy Tasha’s poster if they need a fantasy to moon over. New Terry wears bras and thongs because he has to. New Terry wears a touch of makeup because it looks nice. New Terry has curves. You don’t need to score points or make it all more than it is. Your boys will stand on Sid Mack’s Allentown Music roof when you do another concert. They can see Tasha and all the Wildcats dressed in their Jersey Girl finery. But there’s no stilettos in the band house.”
Terry didn’t have to think for a minute as he took Jenn into his arms. “You are the best. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Marry me and have our babies.”
Jenn laughed. “Nah. I enjoy being the mysterious lesbian girlfriend of a Wildcat. I’m the woman in the shadows who everyone wonders about. I like it that way. But it would be cool to be a pregnant teen. So radical. I think I’d make the best parent!”
“You’re already helping me get it all straight. And you know, before Frankie knew who you were, she described you as an exotic looking beauty.”
Jenn thought for a minute. “Sure. Almond eyes, thick straight hair. I can see that. But my mom and I are different. There’s a lot of Cossack blood running through my body. And I’m certainly not a tea-pouring Geisha. You might say I have a temper.”
“I agree that you’re not a geisha, but you’re not a Klingon either.” He sighed and looked at his phone. I see that we have a problem. We don’t have to be at the restaurant for another hour. Isn’t there a way I can show my appreciation to the most beautiful woman I know?”
Jenn giggled and pulled his hand towards the bed. “Yep. I could use a sex slave right now.”
An hour later, they were walking into the restaurant, and the guys were standing up to greet them. Brian, Don, and Tony all wore collared shirts and clean jeans. Each looked like he’d showered and taken the time to brush his hair. Terry could smell too much Axe body spray.
He inwardly smiled. As he looked at his buds, he realized he was checking out their broad shoulders and upper body strength. Why was he noticing this for the first time?
Jenn grabbed his upper arm and whispered in his ear. “Do you like what you see, Rock Star?”
“Did they notice that I was staring?”
“Nah. Try to remember that boys are tupid.”
Terry didn’t have to respond. He blushed bright red and made a choking sound. “Oh, my God,” he thought! “I’m sizing my old friends up as potential boyfriends. Jeez, what’s happening with my mind?” But the guys moved towards them before he could discuss this issue with his girlfriend. He stood back behind Jenn to see how they greeted her
.
Jenn lifted her right arm up in the air and gave them each a quick hug, ending with a straight left hand to the chest moving each guy backwards. Terry admired how she could do this in such a casual manner without making it look stiff. What should I do, he thought?
Tony answered this dilemma by reaching over and grabbing him in a big bear hug. He chose not to return it by pushing his arms against his chest and separating himself from his big friend. He marveled at how solid he felt. It was like he was carved out of stone. For a brief second he felt his heart beat increase.
Don and Brian chose to stay back and just give him smiles without contact. He was relieved because the simple contact with Tony had him reeling. The man was big and strong. The first thought that came to mind was that he wanted to stay in his arms for a lingering moment. But fortunately, he heard the warning bells going off inside his brain. Terry realized he obviously was not in control when those thoughts took over. He made a note to talk to Grace about acting like a love-sick girl.
Brian was smiling and talking. Terry had to quiet his mind to concentrate. He watched his face, noting his nice lips.
“Dude, you have such a life. I’ve become your biggest fan. I taped the Tonight Show and have already watched it many times. And, yeah, I admit I did that for the Ellen Show, too. Those women are exciting to watch.”
Terry kept grinning, thankful Brian was drawing a line between the cats and him. He even called him dude. He briefly thought about Brian watching the band play in the privacy of his room and got a cold shiver running through his body. His blood pressure was going down, and the pulse in his ears stopped pounding. He just didn’t want Tony hugging him again.
Don was nodding his head and waiting his turn. “I never knew you could shred the guitar as you do. You are the best musician in the band. Pretty amazing.”
Terry realized that this was going to be OK after all. He wasn’t going to have to talk about his surgery or his changing body. It wasn’t going to be about him after all. And when Tony interrupted and said, 'Anyone else hungry?’ everyone’s thoughts turned to the menu. When the waiter arrived to take their order, Terry almost slipped and ordered at Singha, forgetting he was eighteen, not twenty-two. He listened to what everyone was talking about.
He realized that Jenn had hardly said a word. She seemed content to simply listen to what everyone said. Terry learned she was playing the same game Tiffany and Zoe had done with their admiring fans. She was asking questions, encouraging the guys to talk about themselves.
When the tables turned towards him, Tony looked straight into his eyes, saying, “What’s up, dude?” Terry was more than ready to respond with a question: “Tony, I really want to hear what you guys have been up to." It worked, and the guys were happy to talk until their dinners arrived. He chuckled when Don pointed at him and said to their server, “The rock star’s gonna pay for our meal.”
After everyone seemed to have eaten too much, they were content to just sit around, grin, and make small talk. Terry deflected all their questions until Don finally asked about the Wildcat’s schedule.
He summed it up with a brief summary. “We’re working on our album right now. Then we’re doing a weekend at the Rendezvous and another rooftop concert downtown at the music store. Finally, we’re headed to Atalanta for one more show before the record drops at the beginning of June. We’re going out on tour after that.”
Tony was smiling. “Oh, wow. You guys are really busy. Can you get us up on the roof again for your concert? I don’t think I’ve ever been close to so many beautiful babes.” He stopped suddenly when he realized he’d included Tasha in his beautiful babes category.
Terry ignored it and simply nodded. “Sure. We can get you up on the roof again. That’s no problem. I’m sure Jenn can get you passes from Richard.”
He deflected the rest of the comments, enjoyed listening, and occasionally made eye contact with Jenn. He’d never noticed how little she had to say.
Then suddenly, Don turned to her and asked, “What’s it like to have a rock star for a boyfriend?” He blushed and looked back at Terry. “Well, I mean.…”
Terry held his breath and didn’t say a word.
Jenn dove in quickly. “Terry is the best lover you could ask for. I’m the luckiest woman in the world.”
He thought about pronouns. The guys were fumbling, trying to figure out whether Terry was a him or a her. He just smiled and decided to let it go until next time. When would Teri be called a she? Thinking about that, he decided that once they were on the road, Tasha was going to move to the forefront and Terry with step back into the shadows. Since Tasha was a she, he figured that Teri would emerge as female.
As they walked out together, Terry stopped to pay the bill. Each guy patted him on the arm or the small of his back, thanking him for the dinner.
Brian sounded sincere when he nodded and said, “Hey, thanks, dude. It was great seeing you. And I am so happy for you. I can’t even imagine what your life must be like compared to slugging it out in the muck with the rest of our Senior class.”
Terry grinned while he was signing his receipt.
Don was listening in. “Yeah, speaking of that, dude. Have you thought about walking for graduation? You know, cap and gown and all that stuff?”
Terry was caught off guard. The first thing he thought about was trying to figure out whether he’d wear the guy’s red robe or the shiny, silky white robe all the girls wore. He also thought about the dress and stilettos he’d be wearing underneath. “Uh, I don’t know. We’ve got a lot to cover in May, and I can’t commit to anything that slows the band down.”
As they were driving away, Jenn whispered. “You’d look cute in a white satin gown, a mini, and bright red heels. And man, would Tony love to wrap you in his strong arms again. Oh, my God. Just think, you’d be close enough to feel his throbbing!”
Terry blanched and sputtered. “Uh, c’mon, Jenn! He caught me by surprise, and well, I wasn’t expecting my insides to turn to a jelly. Do you think anyone noticed?”
“Nah, baby. I saw your pupils get big and then glaze over. I do think it’s good you pushed away when you did before you started rubbing yourself all over him and sucking his face.”
“Jenn! That wouldn’t happen!”
“Oh, honey. I’d love to do a threesome with you and Tony. I bet he’d die in horn dog heaven having the both of us. And you’d get to wear your silky white robe and your stilettos! Maybe we can fulfill his every fantasy with you wearing a garter belt and stockings!”
He thought back to the first weekend when Zoe wore a baby doll and stockings. But the thought of Tony in bed with the two of them turned his stomach. “And what would you be doing while I’m being mugged?”
“Oh, I’d be taking videos to show our kids when they were old enough to watch. You know, ‘when mommy got it on!’”
“Jenn, that can never happen. I don’t want that! A mommy? Is that what I’m going to be?”
“Sure. Our kids are going to have two mommies. Baby, you know you want everything; you’re just too afraid to admit it!”
“Do lust for those guys?”
“Hardly. But I will tell you who I lust for.”
Terry held his breath, waiting to die.
“I want Gina and I know you’ve been there, and I’m jealous.”
Terry was at a loss for words.
Dear Reader,
Wildcat Summer is available on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Wildcat-Summer-Leslie-Moore-ebook/dp/...
There are many chapters to read in the sample
Leslie
Dear Reader,
Wildcat Summer is available on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Wildcat-Summer-Leslie-Moore-ebook/dp/...
There are many chapters to read in the sample
Leslie
another piece of a Wildcats Puff Piece. I should bring back their furries' costumes. Thanks for reading and leaving comments.
Terry quietly turned away as everyone was hugging and kissing Zoe, listening to her baby's plans. Out of nowhere, tears were streaming down his face. He was confused and didn’t understand what was happening to his emotions.
As he stood there feeling his shoulders quake, he realized those were tears of joy. He was excited and happy for his best friend. Jeez, he thought, what’s going on? He mopped his eyes and took some deep breaths.
Lisa had seen him get up and move over to talk to him. She pulled him close. “What’s up, Little?”
He grinned through the tears. Everyone in the band had taken his nickname, Little Shit, and shortened it to Little. Even his mom had called him Little. She thought it was a term of endearment. “Lisa, I guess I’m too high. Suddenly, crying tears of joy for Zoe kinda frightened me. But Isn’t it great that she and Bruno want to make a little boomer together?”
Lisa looked at him and smiled. Terry was a piece of work. As worried as he was about Tasha taking over and turning him female, he was behaving just like a girl. She hugged him just like she would another woman and squeezed him tightly. “I know. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Wildcat’s success would spawn lots of little boomers.”
Terry looked her in the eyes. “You and Smith?”
Lisa shrugged. “He’s perfect, and I’m falling in love with my hunky cowboy. But while Smith is feeling his age, I’m not. It’s too soon, and I have too much happening right now. I promise you that when it’s time, you and Mom can walk me down the aisle and give me away.”
He tried to picture wearing a fancy long dress and walking with his mom. He sat back down and listened to everyone talking about babies. Tiffany asked Gina, “Would you and Grace adopt a child together?”
Gina grinned. “If I had my way, sure. When things slow down, I picture us having a couple of kids bouncing off the walls with me. We could have a mini roller derby team. But the best idea is Jenn’s plan.”
Terry looked up, grinned, and shook his head.
Now that Gina had their attention, she talked about how Terry’s mom had used a sperm bank for both Terry and Lisa. They had been conceived using the same donor. “So Jenn called that agency, and they still have samples. She wants to be impregnated with the same sperm that made Terry and Lisa.”
Tiffany needed clarification. “How’s that work?"
Gina laughed. “So half their baby will be Jenn’s egg and her DNA. And the other half would come from the guy that supplied half of Terry’s DNA.”
Tiffany looked at Terry. “You can’t make sperm?”
“Nope. The insides of my body are all messed up. I’ve got some female organs inside making estrogen, but no male stuff. I was declared male at birth cause my body had tried to make male organs from a uterus. So I’m not going to be a baby maker. If we used Jenn’s idea, the baby would still be part my DNA, which is pretty cool. But I have to watch out because Jenn is crazier than me. She thinks it would be cool to be a pregnant teen attending college.”
Tiffany wagged her finger. “There goes all your money paying for a nanny and diapers.”
They were all enjoying their celebration when Lisa spoke. “Uh, I propose that we all take a five-day vacation. Let’s meet on Monday to prep for our concert at Allentown Music and the weekend at the Rendezvous.”
Tiffany smacked her on the arm. “That's a good idea. We’ll still have a whole week to relax before Atlanta. If Warner wants us to rerecord or mix something differently, it’ll still be ready by June.”
“If Warner has everything ready for release, they might start leaking tracks to radio stations and Sirius Radio before we even show up in Atlanta. Richard said they’d probably want some phone interviews to frame out the record.” Zoe nodded sagely
Gina hugged Zoe. “We really owe Rolling Stone an interview. After all, they gave us a cover based on all the hype.”
“Well, don’t act like our hype isn’t earned. We’ve kept it flowing and ballooning.”
“Yeah, Fur Face is still popping up on Instagram. But it would be good to play nice with the magazine.”
“And it would be fun to see what their reviewers say after hearing our disks. I like it when people talk sincerely about our album.”
Terry was thinking about their production. “There'll be lots to talk about. A live forty-five-minute side and twenty more studio tracks plus our original live studio recording of Summer Song. I’m hoping for a five-star review.”
“I’m hoping everyone remembers us at Grammy time. I want to get dressed up and stand on the stage, hooting and hollering like the complete idiot I am!” Tiffany was laughing.
Gina studied her carefully before wrapping her arm around her. She bore her weight, then laughed aloud. “Girl, I might be a moron, but you’re way too high. Somebody’s gotta page Mike to come take advantage of this Saint Barbie’s virginity.”
With the thought of Mike showing up, Tiffany was grinning. “Good thinking, Derby Girl. Wanna tag along? We can get naked and do a dance for Mike. And we can all play!”
Everyone turned and looked at Tiffany. She was totally drunk, high, and wasted when Gina said, “Damn, where’s the responsible adult to take care of this Swedish vegetable?”
Tiffany laughed. “Wrong again, moron. I’m not a Swedish vegetable! I’m from Jersey!”
Later, after everyone had helped Mike load Tiffany into his car, it was time to begin packing. Terry called Jenn and asked her if she was interested in a trip.
“Sure. Where’re we going, Rock Star?”
“You name it. We can drive, fly, or take a train. You pick.”
“Hmmm. Let’s go shelling. We can fly from Philly to Key West. I wanna swim, sail, and walk along the beach with my baby. You call the airport and your limo service. I’ll pack, and you can pick me up.”
“Sounds like you’ve thought about this. That’s a great, excellent idea. I’ll hop right on that.”
“Well, I’d really like to do Tahiti. But five days is too short. I’ve seen so many photos of private suites over the Bay. It’s a someday dream.”
Terry chuckled. “We could take a break from the tour when we get to the West coast. I think it’ll be fun to make LA a home base.”
“Hey, baby. I just thought of something. You got any summer clothes or beach wear?”
Terry froze and thought about getting undressed in public. He tried to breathe and think. “Uh, no. But I can call Jersey Girl and pick up some stuff on the way to the airport. I can book us a night flight so we’ll have time to shop and get something to eat.”
“Good thinking, lover. I am so looking forward to playing in the surf with you. Oh, my. Won’t we have fun!”
After Terry made a list, he called American and booked them two first-class tickets to Key West. They’d get there around ten tonight. Then he called Barbara at Jersey Girl and told her his needs: “Jenn and I are going to Key West for a week. Can you hook us up with summer clothes?”
“Oh, Terry. Of course. And we’ll pick out some cute stuff for Jenn, too. It will be fun to deck you both out in beach wear. And there’s the nightlife, too!”
“Uh, Barbara. Nothing too wild for me, please. This will be the first time Tasha has ever appeared in a bathing suit. I’m not looking forward to any photos.”
“Okay, before I run over to the Rittenhouse Square store and start shopping for you, what size is Jenn?”
“I don’t know. She’s five foot seven inches tall. She weighs one-thirty. She’s in good shape and wears much of what you’ve sent me.”
“Okay. This is going to be easy. When will I see the two of you?”
“Maybe around four o’clock. Is that going to work?"
“Oh, sweetie. We’ll make it work. You still have your band luggage?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Leave it. We’ll find some matching luggage for you and Jenn.”
After he hung up, he smiled. They’d really worked out a fantastic relationship with Jersey Girls and Barb. She’d gotten so much national publicity from the Wildcats wearing her clothes that she'd do anything to keep them all happy. He’d never heard her say no.
Richard always reminded her what a bargain she had. Barbra would laugh and say the Cats were worth paying six figures.
Terry called their limo service and told them what he needed. After he was done, he called LaCroix at the Rittenhouse. Barbara said it was a great restaurant and was close to their shop. She even said to use her name for a reservation.
He even called a service to arrange a place for them to stay. Terry grabbed a makeup case and a bag full of underwear. As he packed, he realized he’d also need summer shoes. He remembered an assortment of shops around Rittenhouse Square where he could shop for Tasha. Fancy, fancy, he thought.
He smiled as he realized that putting outfits together for Tasha was becoming easier. When they began their tour in June, he thought about a new haircut and color for Atlanta. Maybe he’d try extensions again, you know, something different.
“Rock Star, Barbara is the best. I can’t believe how sweet and generous she is. And you’re the best at buying your baby momma new clothes. But no hoochie high heels!
They’d walked across Rittenhouse Square and were drinking fruit juices. They’d had time to study the menus and watched as their salads were placed in front of them.
Jenn waved her hand. “I could get used to all this!”
Terry wondered how much he’d need to make with the band to keep her happy. Her love was important. “If it takes millions, you are worth it.”
“Aw, Rock Star. I was just kidding. It’s been fun to live like the CEO of Warner’s, but I’ll be happy in our Paris loft where you entertain each night in our little coffee house.”
He kissed her.
That night, they fell asleep in the chaise lounges on the patio of their Key West bungalow. The stars and a salty breeze coming off the ocean had them snuggling together under big, comfy quilts.
In the morning, they both dressed to go out for a run. Terry’s pink sneaks were broken in, and he’d gotten use to his spandex microfiber running outfit. They laughed aloud as they went through the village, avoiding the marauding roosters that seemed to be everywhere.
They slipped into the showers, then changed and went out for breakfast. As they were sitting there, Jenn looked over at Terry. “I love you, Rock Star. This reminds me of New Orleans after you weren’t murdered on the street.”
Terry shook his head. “You have such a way with words. Yeah, happy days that I wasn’t murdered. But the big question is, what do you want to do today?”
“I know. Lather with sunscreen, and then find a guide to take us to the best shell beach. Let’s remember to grab some collection bags to start a memory lamp full of shells. It’s gonna look great in your bedroom.”
Terry wore a soft green terry cloth top that stopped at his thighs. Under that, he was wearing a bikini that covered less than his underwear. But here he was, stepping into the ocean and leaving that cotton top behind. After a few minutes, he forgot about the embarrassment of having to show off Tasha’s body.
He woke up every day and felt those breasts. His clothes told him that his butt was growing rounder. And Tasha was out in public. Anyone could see the girl. “Jenn, I feel like everyone is looking at me.”
She laughed. “Yeah, well, you’ll get over it. You look like any other teen girl walking around in her bathing suit. If anything, guys will give you a look and move on.”
“Huh? Why?” Suddenly, he felt kind of disappointed. He looked at Jenn and couldn’t stop staring at the sun light, making her skin glow. Her body was so beautiful, soft, and curvy that he knew he could stare at her for hours.
Jenn grabbed his arm with both her hands and dragged him down into the water. It was warm enough to be a bath. As they floated along, she laughed. “Cause you are just a skinny babe. There’s not enough meat on those bones.”
Terry shook his head and tried not to slip under the waves. He stood his ground and grabbed Jenn, lifting her into the air. Swinging her around, he pretended to let her go as he watched her squeal.
“Stop that, you beast. You can’t be muscling your loving lesbian girlfriend unless you want to be taken for a masc!”
Terry put her down slowly. “Aw, I thought you’d like that. But what’s a masc?”
“A masc is a lesbian who feels more comfortable dressing boyish. You are not a masc.”
“Then what am I?” He’d already been told that no one would look twice at him. Now, what was she going to say to him?
Jenn wrapped her arms around him. “You’re a fem. A lesbian who is comfortable looking pretty and wearing nice clothes. Between what you wear each day and what you wear on stage, you are totally feminine."
“Oh.”
“Oh, come on. You’ve worked hard to sound, look, and act like a Tasha. All your work has been successful, and you must be proud of what you’ve accomplished.”
He thought about it and found it hard to feel that way. He did everything for self-protection, not self-promotion.
They talked as they walked along the beach together, periodically looking in the shallow surf for shells.
“You’re right, Jenn. I’ve been Tasha to where I’ve lost my Terry self. I’m the undercover guy who’s lost who he used to be.”
“No, baby. You’re not lost.I’m still in love with the Terry standing right before me. This marvelous, complex person is gifted in so many ways. And so strong. You are dealing with all the distractions that would cripple a weaker person, and yet you are finding things to laugh about. Look at you. You’re wearing a cute suit, awesome sunglasses, and the cutest sun hat in the world. You are a fashion plate and are so relaxed about it.”
Terry wiped the tears from his eyes. “Look, now you got me all teared up like a crybaby. You give me too much credit. I’m a coward who can’t stand up to defend myself. I’ve let the world make me who I am.”
“Oh, my God! Not a chance of sympathy from me. Honestly, you are so big-time, no small peanuts here. You’re the bomb, the shits….”
Lisa called Smith from her limo. “Hey, what did I catch you doing?”
“Sitting with my guitar, drinking a cup of iced coffee. I’m scribbling down lyrics….”
“Hmm, let me guess. Nashville county song about your horse, pickup, and mom.”
“Nope. One guess used up.”
“Used up? How many do I get?”
“I’ll let you know.”
“A Texas song about wide open spaces.”
“Nope.”
“A rage about bad drivers.”
She heard him chuckle. “Well, what?”
“I’ll tell you when you get here.”
“How’d ya know I’m on my way?”
“Figured the album’s done, and you’re taking some time off. When do you land?”
“Around eight. Hoping on a dinner flight. Can you find room for me on that mountain of yours?”
“You mean I have to kick all the groupies out of the house? Who’s going to shine my boots?”
“I’ll take care of all your boots, cowboy. I’ll even take Old Paint out for a ride to keep him happy.”
“You’d do that for my old golf cart? You’ll be pleased to see that it arrived safely. I was excited to see what a good job Yellow Freight did shipping it here from the Carolina movie set. My little Airstream had to be trailered here on a flatbed.”
“Well, I’m glad all your possessions are home for you to play with. How about the band?”
“Well, I’ve talked to everyone, and they’re itching to get started. The four of us had promised to do the family thing for a month before we started rehearsing again. But I can hear the need in their voices. You stirred up their juices in New Orleans when you invited us onstage. They want to play their music and hear the crowds.
“Yeah, I get that. We’re doing another rooftop lunch time concert for Sid Mack at Allentown Music as payback for all the instruments he’s gifted us. Richard got us some photos to hand out from our New York shoot. It’s going to be fun.”
“Well, a free concert is always fun because you can stay as loose as you want, and nobody complains. What else?”
“We’re going to do a weekend at the Rendezvous where the band got started, and then we really jump into the pool's deep end.”
“What does that mean?”
“Well, the guy in Atlanta who booked us at the Underground Club wants to do an arena show on the first Saturday in June. We’ve heard they’re promoting the show, and ticket sales have been good.”
“Hmm. How many seats?”
“We’ll know about a week before the show. They can configure the place to hold five thousand or twenty thousand. But I think that’s reaching.”
“When’s the big drop? When’s Warner’s going to release your album?”
“About the same time.”
“That would be a big boost for ticket sales if your stuff was leaked in Atlanta early.”
“Yeah, that’s what we were saying. The promoter, Gimli, talks to William Wiggins. It might be a good thing to do. But speaking about that, what’s happening with EBR and Warner’s?”
“They’ve offered us a really generous contract. And Gina’s dad says it’s perfect. We can call the shots, and the company seems very interested in signing us up.”
“When’s that going to happen?”
“We’ll rehearse and talk about it. Signing is a no-brainer.”
“Hey, Smith, gotta run. That’s the boarding call for me and I’ve gotta go. It’s funny how Richard insists we fly first class. I’ve been so budget crazy to keep the band together for so many years, and now there are no brakes. Hard to get used to.”
“Well, don’t expect caviar and champagne when you get here. I’ve got a big pot of beans on the stove waiting for you.”
“Wonderful. My kinda guy. We can toot all night together….”
“I told them about our plans for a baby.”
Bruno turned and smiled. He kissed Zoe as he started the car. He’d finally got the old Tesla two-seater sports car up and running. “What did they say?”
“They were all pretty excited. Of course, they were also drinking and smoking, too. But you gotta hear Jenn’s plans to have Terry’s baby.”
“Really? I can’t wait to hear that. But when are we starting?”
“We can practice tonight and for the next five days. Of course, it means that we have to stop drinking and smoking for nine months.”
“We?”
“Uh-huh. If I have to watch a baby developing inside me by doing one hundred percent healthy, you do, too. Only fair. This little boomer is going to be yours.”
“Sure. Sure. A little sacrifice is important. After all, this kid must have his wits about him.”
“Him?”
Bruno shook his head. “Just a figure of speech. How about her?”
“That’s more like it….”
“I can get a ride up to your place this afternoon. Would you be interested in having me do your hair for five days?”
“Five, huh? Then the album’s done, right?”
“Yep. We’ve sent it to California for the big bosses to listen to. Of course, they’ve had the live side since we returned from New Orleans. Twenty-one studio songs, including Summer Song.”
“I hear your stuff on the radio all the time. It’s strange to think my girlfriend is the drummer in a Billboard top ten band.
“Top ten? Get out!”
“No. The Wildcats’ Summer Song is climbing with a bullet alongside it. You’re rocking the downloads. How come you didn’t know?”
“I guess Richard didn’t want to distract us while we were getting this album finished. Will you have time for me between patients?”
“I’m looking forward to slipping you in between sessions. Mmmm, I can hide you in the back room….”
Tiffany stared out the windows. She was fighting to stay awake sitting in Mike’s front seat. “Oh, baby. Thanks for picking me up. I think I might have overdone it this afternoon.”
Mike smiled. “You had a good reason to light it up. It's not often that you get to release an album. You can take a nap at my place, and we can start back up again later.”
“But I was hoping you'd take me to the bed and tuck me in. I was hoping for some kissy-face.”
Mike laughed. “Yeah, well, knowing you, my dear. You’ll be sound asleep before your head hits the pillow.” He looked over to see his beautiful girlfriend sound asleep, gently snoring as they rode back to his place.”
Dear Reader,
Wildcat Summer is available on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Wildcat-Summer-Leslie-Moore-ebook/dp/...
There are many chapters to read in the sample
Leslie
Once again, thank you for taking the time to read another chapter. And I love the comments and appreciate constructive criticism. Big question: What would you like to see happen?
After their rehearsal, they all hung outside the music room on the stone patio.
“We sounded good.” Tiffany was drinking red wine. She would sit up to take sips but was content to lay on a chaise. “Real good," she said.
Zoe stared out at the trees that bordered the property. “Uh-huh. But it’s really what Little thinks about whether we’re ready. After all, he’s our musical director.” She playfully punched him in the arm.
Terry laughed and nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, we’re ready! I think we get better each time we play. We’re soooo ready. This band has grown so much.”
Gina laughed, “I love when you talk dirty.”
Lisa defended him. “Seriously, I think Tee’s right. Nothing like the discipline of recording an album to get us sounding tighter.”
Gina was still laughing. “Well, we haven’t played for a crowd in a while. You think we’re ready to shake that rust off?”
Terry grinned and turned to Lisa. “Absolutely! Hey, sis. How long do we play during our Wednesday concert out on Sid Mack’s rooftop?”
Lisa nodded, “Good question, Tee. We start making noise around 11:00 a.m., and we have to go silent at 2 p.m. Law.”
Terry smiled. “Tee, huh? Is that what happens when Terry and Tasha finally become one? Just a letter?”
Everyone was grinning. Another nickname had been born!
Terry walked out on the stage by himself. He had his Fender Telecaster strapped on. As he returned to his two Marshall amps, he fiddled with the dial touching his strings and listened to the resonance he could create. When he had it just right, he returned to the front of the stage and tapped on his mic. The sun was shining, and it was a perfect May weekday. The gates had opened at eleven, and everyone was staring at the one person on the rooftop stage.
Terry smiled fifteen feet above the crowd and whispered into the mic. “Hey, everybody.” The crowd roared, and many people called her Tasha, Tasha.
Now, Tasha felt the electricity running through her body. It was like somebody had plugged her in. As her heartbeat increased and her breath became shallow, she felt her pulse quicken. She kept reminding herself that this was a marathon, not a sprint. Everyone watched as she turned her back to the crowd and began to play.
The gates had opened at eleven. Everyone had to pass through security, so the lines took a few minutes. The crowd was patient. After all, they were rocking out on a Wednesday afternoon. Some people had started getting in line at 9:30. The parking lot was half full in ten minutes. That’s when Tasha appeared holding her guitar. She waved and then fooled with her amplifiers against the back of their stage. She’d already set everything up, so these seconds were all for show.
Tasha was dressed in Jersey Girl casual. Each of them was wearing different colors. She wore black, skin-tight, high-waisted capris that shined in the sunlight. She had a bare midriff and a banded bra top. As Terry had gotten Tasha dressed, he thought about how a lovely pierced navel would look. Her bolero jacket was silver and matched her shiny stilettos.
She’d been to Isabella’s salon yesterday, sporting long hair extensions. Since the sides of her head were close-cropped, she’d dumped a ton of product on and made it all into a crazy Mohawk. Gina and Lisa had helped her tint the ends a bright red. She used that same color on her lips and eyes.
Tasha frowned and looked at her band members. “Too over the top?”
“Definitely over the top and perfect.” Gina smiled. “I’m jealous that you get to be Joan Jett. You’re so electric, you’ll light up the stage.”
Lisa grinned. “You’re our glam punk rocker. I think you look more like anime than Joan Jett.”
“Yes, definitely a cartoon. What’s the blue hedgehog that’s in the movies?”
Tasha laughed. “Sonic.”
With that, Terry thought about the direction he was taking Tasha. He wasn’t hiding her anymore but bringing everything out in the daylight. He looked into the mirror. If you liked crazy-looking, skinny model types, Tasha was it. She was tall, pretty, and could easily walk a runway in high heels. She even had curves. And, well, Tasha looked like she liked what she was doing.
Tasha lacks a brain, he thought. She’s here for the applause and the glamour. She’s not a thinking puppet and just does what she’s told. The band tells her, and Jenn tells her. Everyone is in charge of her.
But I used to be in charge of myself. I used to have dreams and fantasies, but none were about being a Tasha. He never knew how exciting playing music on the stage in front of cheering crowds could be. All he ever wanted to do was play his guitar and write music. Now everything had changed.
He shook his head and felt Tasha’s hair sway. I’m halfway between being a boy and a girl. I’m halfway between Terry and Tasha. And the challenge is that Terry has to find a way to join the two together.
He stared at the mirror. Tasha is pretty, and everyone likes her. Terry was hidden in the daylight. No one ever looked twice at the tall, skinny guy with a nerdy look. But Terry was smart. He had a gift, a talent to write and play music. He was a genius when it came to music but brain-dead when it came to life. He was afraid to tell Jenn how he felt. He was a coward, afraid of rejection.
Terry knew rejection. He’d applied to all the music schools around the country. He’d made audition tapes showing off his songwriting and his playing. But every school turned him away.
He saw the path ahead of him. He saw himself as being happy and loved. But it wasn’t Terry walking forward. No, Terry was stuck in place. It was Tasha moving into the future. He saw all the doors opening for Tasha. But he was so afraid to let all his mind and body parts merge. He liked women. He admired them for their strength and determination. But he had none of those qualities. He needed to be stronger and more determined. He was even afraid to try to become Tasha because it might ruin things.
Maybe it was just being able to release some energy or channel her inner rock chick. Still, Terry was ready to light her afterburners and take off. She’d looked in the mirror, seeing Lisa and Gina standing behind her. She shook her head. “I’m not sure this is who I really am. It’s like Bowie and Jett had a baby named Tasha.”
It was laughs and hugs all around.
At quarter to twelve, the audience listened as Tasha played the intro to a Jimi Hendrix song, Little Wing. After finishing up the guitar intro, she stepped to her mic and sang the first verse. 'Well, she’s walking through the clouds, with a circus mind that’s running wild…'
As the crowd cheered at the sound of her voice and guitar lick, Tasha knew that she was the girl dreaming of moonbeams and riding with the wind. Tasha was a figment of their group's imagination. She had been brought to life by a committee, and Terry had stepped in to animate her. As time went on, a strange thing happened. Tasha became real. Whether it was the mysteries of science or the lure of being a superstar, she was no longer a puppet.
The crowd cheered at the mesmerizing sound of her alto voice. After that, Jimi’s song became a footnote of the solo she played alone on the stage. When she stopped, the crowd cheered.
As they clapped, Tasha blinked her eyes as if she was waking up from a dream. She smiled as she spoke. “Thank you, thank you. I’m Tasha, and I grew up right here. At Allentown High, everyone called me Terry, Terry Nelson. I’m still Terry, but I’m a Wildcat named Tasha out here. If you think it sounds confusing, take my word for it. It’s crazy! So call me whatever you want.”
At that point, she started counting a slow blues beat. Tapping her foot, she smiled. “This one’s called Two-Thirty Blues. It’s about being a twelfth grader stuck in last-period study hall.”
After bending notes and chording out a lazy rhythm for sixteen bars, a bass joined in, and Tiffany appeared from the other side of the stage. Her blonde hair glowed and fell over the shoulders of a gold jumpsuit with matching heels. If people thought that Tasha was sexy and cute, everyone knew that Tiffany was the real thing. With her blue eyes wide open and her smiling grin, she was almost six foot of fantastic woman. The crowd cheered when she appeared. The two of them faced each other across the stage while Tiffany sang the first verse of their song.
Climbing up my butt and dragging on my heels
Holding me back, hearing brakes squeal
Slowing me down by weighing on my mind
Keeping me chained and wasting my time
Tasha joined in on the chorus, and they filled the air with their harmonies.
I’ve got the two-thirty blues, baby.
Can’t seem to shake them off my mind.
Those two-thirty blues, baby.
Well, I get them all the time.
The crowd was ready to go wild. With all the excitement surrounding the band, Tiffany was too beautiful to be real, let alone an accomplished musician. As she finished singing, high up on a raised platform, Gina kicked her foot pedal, and her bass drum caught the rhythm. She waved her arms up, showing off her brushes. Then, she created a steady beat. She looked like a gym princess. Her sleeveless bright blue spandex leotard and matching leggings were covered in big, bold red stars. Her high tops matched that rich, red color. Gina’s dark, wavy mane framed a classic face with sparkling eyes and lush lips. She laughed out loud at how much fun she was having.
Tasha pointed to them and yelled, “These are my best friends, Tiffany and Gina!”
The crowd cheered as Tiffany picked up the pace. At that point, Lisa walked out and stood behind their synthesizer and began playing and singing the second verse. Everyone gazed at the beautiful blonde in the red party dress. With her hair pulled back in a high ponytail, no one could take their eyes off her. Everyone said she was the real Barbie, but only if the real Barbie could rock all night and take no prisoners.
The entire audience stared at the band until the sound of another guitar rang out. They turned their heads to see Zoe appear in a white sleeveless tuxedo shirt and emerald green tailored pants. Everyone watched as she moved around gracefully on highly polished, four-inch black patent leather stilettos, shredding her guitar. No one could look away while the whole band played.
Tasha, Tiffany, and Lisa shared the vocals, and when they finished the song, it was twelve o’clock, and the parking lot was full. The police had wisely closed the street to traffic, allowing people to crowd up along the sidewalks and the streets. It looked like all of Allentown had shown up for a Wednesday afternoon with the Wildcats.
When the song was over, Lisa moved away from the keyboard and fixed her mic to the stand at center stage.
Terry chuckled, remembering Lisa mentioning how the five-pound weighted mic stand was a handy weapon for stopping drunks wandering up on the stage when they used to play dive bars and small clubs.
Lisa waved, “Hello, Allentown. It’s so nice to be back. First, we must thank Sid Mack and Allentown Music for making all this possible today. Sid also outfits the whole band with all our instruments. And while we are thanking, how about another one of our sponsors. These are the wonderful people at Jersey Girl. We can honestly say that Jersey Girl is with us everywhere we go. It’s all we wear!”
She paused while people laughed. “But enough. Let me introduce my family. You all remember Tasha, Tiffany, Gina, and Zoe. We’ve all been around long enough to help bring two State Championship Volleyball titles to Allentown High.”
As the crowd cheered, the band gathered in the middle of the stage and talked. Lisa whispered, “I guess we’re ready to start. While we get everyone clapping, how about Zoe whipping them up with her guitar?”
Zoe nodded. “I’m ready.” She was strapping on the original Gibson Flying Vee her dad played with his band in the sixties.
Gina whispered, “Uh before we start, I want to share something. It’s been on my mind for a while.” She waited until everyone got quiet. and whispered, “I think I want to have Mike’s baby.” She looked into Tiffany’s eyes, who started to laugh at her drummer’s devilish grin.
When Gina returned to her drum set, she stood up and banged her sticks together overhead. The rest of the Wildcats held their clapping hands over their heads, getting everybody to join in.
With the audience clapping along, Zoe started playing. She held the audience in her hand and showed off everything she could play on the same guitar that her dad used to whip up his fans over thirty years ago.
Her dad, Conner, was off on the side of the stage watching the band. He was holding Amy’s hand and gave it a squeeze. Of course, she was beaming while watching her kids, Terry and Lisa, perform. The two parents discovered each other at a Wildcat Rendezvous weekend and hadn’t been apart since then.
As the band began their opening number, each member came into the song one at a time as the crowd clapped. When all four instruments were pounding, Lisa screamed like a banshee. She started singing the words to the music that had become their opening trademark after premiering it on The Ellen Show and the Tonight Show.
I’m a racer,
I’m a cheetah,
I’m a dragster,
I can beat ya.
I’m a missile,
I’m a rocket,
I’m a speedster,
I can sock it.
Then, Zoe, Tiffany, and Tasha joined Lisa at the front of the stage to sing together.
GONE, baby, GONE
I’m not gonna chase ya
GONE, baby, GONE
and I won’t miss ya
By the time the song ended, the whole crowd was singing along. Women loved this song because it was empowering. Guys loved this song because the Wildcats could rock it.
In the wings, Jenn and the guys all watched and sang along. Tony, Don, and Brian couldn’t take their eyes off the beautiful women standing only yards away. Jenn was watching the guys. She had a smirk on her face, watching her guys get all moony-eyed. She was focusing on one of the guys who couldn’t seem to take his eyes off Tasha.
Tasha was totally in the zone as the band continued to play. Lisa had already mentioned that the new album was coming out. One at a time, they played each song, adding extended solos and repeating lyrics and choruses to build each number’s power. After all, now they were in the business of selling hits for Warner’s.
After the song was over and the band stopped playing, the crowd yelled out. In the silence, the bass started up as Tiffany walked over to the mic. The crowd roared, knowing what was coming.
“Oh, Tasha?” Tiffany spoke aloud into her mic as she played. “Oh, Tasha!” She played her bass, then smiled. “Oh, Tasha. You look so sexy. So sexy, Tasha. So sexy.”
Each time she did this, Tasha blushed. It still unnerved the eighteen-year-old to be singled out and talked about in front of the crowd. But it was all okay. She had to remember that this was part of the game. Tasha tried to steel herself up, knowing she had to do the same for Tiffany. Being a solo artist wasn’t in her nature, and the band knew that she needed a little nudge to get out there.
Taking a deep breath, she cooed, “Oh, Tiffany. You look so sexy tonight.”
The band had decided to power straight through their usual forty-five-minute set rule and play right up until quarter to two. This way, they could fit in a three-song encore and still be done by two o’clock.
When the show ended, Tasha was exhausted. She’d been singing and playing for two hours without taking a deep breath. As she was toweling down and wiping off her instruments, she thought about creating other songs that would showcase each member while some of them could take a break.
“Hey, Rock Star! You were great out there.” Tasha turned and wrapped her arms around Jenn. As she squeezed hard, she started to take deep breaths and find her center.
“Oh, baby, it felt awesome. I really needed to get out in front of the crowds. I’m the junkie loving that adrenaline rush. I felt like I was playing in the clouds. It was pretty amazing.” He kissed Jenn lovingly and held her tightly. Terry blinked a few times and looked around. He saw his mom and Conner, and then he saw his friends. Everyone was waiting for him to approach them.
It was nice that they were giving him some space for the rush to slow down and stop amping him up. Terry felt he should be shaking like a dog getting the water off its body after the big swim. At this point, he grabbed Jenn’s hand and headed toward his mom and friends. He said hi to Conner and then gave his mom a hug.
“How are you doing? The band sounded amazing.”
“I’m great, mom. I was telling Jenn that I think I really needed to explode after burying myself in the recording studio for weeks.”
His mom studied him. “Tasha looked pretty amazing out there this afternoon. She has amazing hair.” She touched her spikes.
“Yeah. I stopped by Isabella’s to get a mani-pedi and have her put extensions in my hair. Tasha needed to get spruced up for all the shows coming up. Lisa and Gina added color to the tips. What do you think?"
“Great, it’s perfect when you’re on the stage. Will you wear it like that when you’re out and about?”
Terry shook his head, feeling Tasha’s hair moving. “Nah. This is for the crowd. When we go out, everything is understated and conservative.”
“You said when we go out.”
“Oh, I did. Maybe I meant the whole band.”
“Are you still fighting with Tasha?”
“Well, sometimes I don’t have a problem with being a rock chick. But I’m still clinging to what’s left of Terry.”
“Would it be easier to just let it all flow?”
“You mean just give up?”
His mom kissed his cheek, then patted it. “Nothing to give up, honey. You’ve got it all.”
Just about then, the guys all surrounded him.
“Dude, you guys were awesome out there. You were meant to rock. Everyone looked so great!”
“Thanks, Tony. It’s a lot of fun!”
Brian was shaking his head. “Dude, you’re successful and rich. What more could you want?”
Terry decided to just smile and nod. He was tired of debating with himself.
Then Don stood close and spoke directly into his ear. “Hey, would it be all right to talk together sometime? And maybe text?”
another piece of the pie....it would have to be blueberry because they're in season right now....thanks for reading, writing, and leaving those kudos, too
Dear Diary,
If I was a fifteen-year-old, I would be excited right now. See, this guy I know, we used to be friends. To him, I guess I was just one of the guys. But now things have changed. Well, maybe it’s just me that’s changed. And now, this friend of mine, let’s just call him Don. Well, this friend of mine, out of nowhere, wants to talk, text, whatever!
But I’m not fifteen, I’m not even a girl! I’m a shapeshifter. I used to be like the skinniest guy in the class. No muscles, no development. At least I grew. Five foot nine is okay.
But now I’m shapeshifting. I’m starting to really look like a girl. So when my hips and butt started getting bigger, I wondered. My nipples got huge, and these boobies started popping out! Like no warning!
Well, I ran to the doctors. I had tests. But the changes kept happening. Good news. I’m not dying, I’m just intersex. It’s a biological thing. I’m told my body started this puberty maybe two years ago.
"I just don’t know, Jenn. He says he wants to talk or text. How’s that going to work. What’s he gonna say? It is creepy to think he might like me? What did you do when the guys wanted to single you out?
Jenn laughed. “Honey, it was really simple for me. I just told them that my heart belonged to another. I kept it short and simple. But c’mon, Rock Star. I told you to watch out. I noticed Don’s been staring at you. He was memorizing everything about you. And now you’re handling it like a fifteen-year-old girl! Whatcha gonna do? Are you going to practice writing his name in big, curly letters in your notebook? Dreaming about his lips?”
“God, Jenn! I’m regretting telling you anything about what’s happened. I never should have told you about kissing guys!”
“Fine. Don’t tell me anything. Maybe that’s the best way to get rid of me. Cool. Hope you find true love and happiness.”
“I’m seeing it now. You’re jealous! You think cause I’m turning into a female, I wanna have a boyfriend. You’re starting a fight cause you’re in a bitchy mood worrying about losing me! Is it cause I’m gonna be rich?”
Jenn stood there staring at him. There’d been no place for a costume change at Allentown Music. Tasha’s over-the-top Jersey Girl stage outfit and makeup remained on while Tasha and the band posed for selfies with fans and signed autographs.
Jenn couldn’t take her eyes off her the whole time they threw barbs at each other. She’d been with him since before noon. But she only had time to kiss him before he went out on stage. But as soon as he heard the screaming and clapping, she watched him change as soon as he hit the first note on his strings. And she looked happy, excited, and very Tasha.
Jenn watched her play, and then they hugged and kissed afterward.
Later, as she watched and listened from behind a counter, Jenn realized that her boyfriend, Terry, had definitely changed. This new three-dimensional Teri/Tasha was amazing. There were no boy gestures or boy-style talking. No, this was just how Lisa was handling this scene. Teri/Tasha were confident and beautiful. She signed autographs, posed for group selfies, and talked, talked, and talked over at the music store with the other Wildcats. Jenn had never seen her so energized, so excited. She wondered if that last kiss before Terry went on stage was the last one they’d ever have together. She’d be kissing Tasha from now on.
The first thing Tasha did when she walked into the bedroom was pull off the top and capris. “I don’t think these pants breathed at all. I was running around on stage wearing a rubber suit in the hot sunlight!” She took a towel and wiped herself off.
Jenn watched as Tasha prepared to take off her stage makeup and cold cream her face. She back-brushed her hair, curling the ends. She gathered her silver strands with a practiced hand and pulled them into a high ponytail. She picked a few tendrils loose that she sprayed and curled. She played with it in the mirror until she seemed satisfied. Jenn watched her smile contentedly. Then, after she washed and moisturized, Tasha carefully did her eyes with mascara, then used her fingers to add color stain to her lips.
She slipped on a clean tan thong and tucked it as she got the underwear in place. She pulled out a cute white lace bra and put it on.
Jenn watched as Tasha pulled up a tan tennis skirt and added a tight white tee. At that point, Jenn was trying to keep up with what was happening and what she should be thinking. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear a skirt. It looks cute on you.”
“Does it? I wondered. Do you think it’s too short? I feel like it barely covers my butt. Yeah, my crotch is so overheated that the idea of wearing capris feels hot and heavy. You’ll tell me the truth. Am I too tall for this skirt?”
“No. It looks cute, and it does accent your butt. But I like it.”
“Jenn, I’m sorry if I lost it on you. I was feeling so good after the show. I mean, I was supercharged. It was a feeling I’d already forgotten. Boy, what an adrenaline rush. I mean, I’m still high.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for. I understand how having an old friend approach you is a little scary. But you need to know what he’s going to say. He might just want to talk, but didn’t you say you wanted to have more friends?"
“I do. But having Don as a friend is weird. I mean, we have a history. He was buds with Terry. And let’s face it, that Terry has left the building.”
Jenn blinked. “So are you finally the new Terry with an i? T-E-R-I? Or should I start calling you Tasha? You tell me.”
He looked at her and wiped his eyes like he was trying to stop a tear. “Uh, definitely not Tasha. Anybody that uses that name is talking to a Wildcat. I want my friends to keep calling me Terry, but I don’t have to correct spelling if it’s with an i.”
Teri stood up. “But I still have a problem with where you want our relationship to go. I have been totally upfront with you to the point of transparency. You seriously know my life inside and out. I think that’s important. I love you and am afraid that is getting ready to change.”
He started to pace around the room. “Here’s what’s bothering me. You remember when Gina was sad because she and Grace were on the outs. It had been weeks, and they weren’t talking. At that time, the three of us were walking on the paths around the house, and you whispered to Gina that she could have a romp with me to help her feel better. Do you remember?”
Jenn nodded.
“Well, when we went to North Carolina to do the movie, you told me that I had a responsibility to cheer her up. And so I did. And then I told you. Right?”
Jenn nodded and wiped a tear from her eye.
“Okay. So I’ve told you about kissing Amos and the sailor when I’d been drugged. And I told you how I made out with the guy at the Underground when I got high. And you know that I had an orgasm when I was getting my first tattoo from Bruno holding me down. And I was getting high and kissing with Gina at the same time. Right?"
He stopped. “So my question is, why do you keep pushing me to have real sex with strange guys? Why do you keep pushing me away? You’re telling me to leave the nest and fly away. Are you saying you’re done with me and want me to move on?”
Jenn had tears rolling down her face, and she made no move to wipe them. She just stood there and slowly shook her head back and forth. “No. I don’t want you to leave me. I am so deeply in love with you that I thought we were saying goodbye before the show. Because after the show, you were who you wanted to be. I get the Tasha on stage thing, but you really are Teri spelled with an i. I just thought you’d outgrown me.”
Teri took two steps and scooped Jenn up in her arms. “No, no, no. Never. I am always going to be yours, and I want you and I to have three kids - one boy, one girl, and one crazy intersex kid that we can love forever.”
Jenn sobbed into Teri’s thin white tee, and she could feel the dampness seeping into her bra and boob. She held her girlfriend tightly, rocking her in her arms. “I love you, Jenn. You are my heart, you are half my brain, you are everything.”
As they pulled each other’s clothes off, Jenn laughed. “Aw, and you looked so nice after doing your hair and makeup. And yes, your skirt is fine, but I think your legs are too long. But we’ll find something for you to keep your crotch dry and properly covered. But not now. Now I want to see you naked and in that bed.”
Later, after they both showered, Jenn helped Teri pick out a cute, sleeveless, beige summer dress with tiny tan hearts all over it. She assured her that it was the perfect length. She showed her by giving her a smack on the butt.
Teri yelped and grabbed her hand. “Uh, that hurt and felt good at the same time. Would you do it again?” She laughed.
“Oh, my girlfriend is just so evil. I think I might have to paddle some good sense into her!”
“Uh, speaking of good sense, what should I say to Don?”
“I don’t know. Talking on the phone is safe. You can always ask him to hold on while you mute it and think about what to say. Just don’t be lulled into having to help the sad guy out like Bruno did to you. Start off talking slowly and keep the pace relaxed. You can always find an excuse to hang up. Like, tell him that Jenn is calling you.”
“That makes me sound like your pet!”
“You are my pet. And if you can’t behave, you’ll get punished. Maybe I need to buy you a collar.”
“The first weekend, I was dressing up as Tasha, I wore a dog collar as a choker.”
“Uh-huh. I missed that one. But I should be wearing leather. I could be a great dominatrix.
“Uh, Tiffany was reading that Shades of Grey book cause she thought she looked good in black leather.”
“Whatever came of that?”
“No much. But Zoe and I were inspired to start our bad boys song. I still need to work on that. I need to write something to replace our use of the Stones, Paint It Black.”
“Okay. You’re calm enough. Go ahead and text Don and see if he wants to talk.”
Dear Reader,
Wildcat Summer is available on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Wildcat-Summer-Leslie-Moore-ebook/dp/...
There are many chapters to read in the sample
Leslie
Thank you for reading. I cobbled up an intro for the new reader to better understand where this story originated. I posted it separately, and it's called A Wildcat Summer Prologue. (Imagine David Attenborough narrating it.) Let me know what you think. LM
Zoe smiled. “Thank you, Teri, for offering to use your name for our coming boomer. But I think Bruno will want to contribute to the name of our baby since he’s pretty involved.”
Lisa’s voice cut through the chatter. “Okay. So, should we head to the club now or in three minutes?”
Gina laughed, “For a pretty, smiling blonde surfer chick from Allentown, You still like to be in charge. Does Smith ever complain that his girlfriend has the need to be on top every time?”
Lisa grinned. “Top? I have no need to be anything but me. No driving needs to dominate him. I can be myself and feel quite at home with him. He brings out my best. But you’re right; I’m not the demure groupie who follows him. I do kinda express my opinions.”
Gina shook her head. “As in telling him what to do.”
Lisa held up both her hands in surrender. “Nope. But Smith likes to think out loud or share his thoughts. I have no problem expressing my thoughts. I guess if he didn’t like it….”
Tiffany laughed. “I’ve seen it. You two are still in heat. But what happens when that wears off?”
Lisa looked back at her. “You tell me. Do you still pretend to hang on every word Mike says?”
Tiffany laughed. “He’s quiet. I’m the one that babbles all the time. But shocker, I have never felt more loved.”
Gina scoffed. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
Tiffany laughed and grabbed Lisa’s hand. “Don’t try to analyze it. You and Smith had found a chemistry that has locked you both together. I know that you can’t go one minute without thinking of him. He’s always in the back of your mind, and the need to scratch that itch is more than sex.”
Zoe looked over at her best friend. “Well, surprise, surprise. You sound a little like a psychologist. When did you get so smart?”
Tiffany looked across the table and burped. She smiled. “Zoe, my buttercup, I am only telling Lisa how I feel about Mike. I’ve never had a relationship where we’re both equals. I don’t need a man to rule me; I just want a partner. There’s no ring in my nose. I’m not his chattel.”
She stopped and used air quotes. “He professes his love to me freely without worrying about me using it as a weapon. He’s sweet and caring. He likes pleasing me, and I want to shower him with everything I have.”
Gina stood up. She moved away from the table in the restaurant. “Okay, everybody talks about their true loves for a few minutes while I call Grace. Suddenly, I have this need to profess my undying love for her.”
Teri watched her walk away. “I know what’s happening. You are all getting nervous about playing tonight. You may be confusing our big-time show in Atlanta next week with appearing at the Rendezvous this weekend. Me? I’m looking forward to trying out new things with a group of fans who will love everything we do tonight.”
They all turned and looked at Teri. She wasn’t dressed for the show tonight in a typical Jersey Girl outfit. She wore skin-tight calf-length white capris and a tight red tee shirt that exposed her midriff. Her tee had a discreet P for Phillies on the right breast, and the back had big numbers 00 and the name Nelson printed on it. Her hair was parted in the middle and curled under to give her a bob style. She’d even managed to create cute silver bangs. The close-cropped sides of her head were lost in her extensions, and many earrings adored both ears. They saw a new pair of red high-topped sneakers that seemed covered in glitter when they glanced at her feet.
Teri saw their glances and squeezed Jenn’s hand. “Uh-huh. Jenn and I went to the mall and bought some fun stuff. What do you think?”
Lisa laughed. “No wonder you’re so chipper. You’re doing a Terry throwback tonight. You look cute as a button, and obviously, you’re happy with yourself.”
Teri nodded and smiled at Jenn. “Yeah, instead of the mall being a test of my courage, it just turned out to be fun. Jenn made me feel like it was old times again when we’d just wander around and stare at stuff. We even went into the arcade and blew a ton of cash playing video games.”
Zoe laughed. “You can dress her up but still can’t take the eighteen-year-old out of her. You go, girl!”
Lisa laughed. “Okay, enough dress-up envy. Maybe tomorrow, we can all have a dress-down experience. I’m sure Barbara at Jersey Girl will be happy to make us some outfits that could complement some Philly sports teams. But it’s time to go work for our living.”
Robert gave them all hugs and smiles. “It’s just so great to see your faces. Hard to believe it wasn’t that long ago that Mike was helping you shoot your first live video here on a Sunday evening.”
Zoe gave him a kiss on the cheek. “It’s more than that, Robert. You always welcomed the band back when we were still working on our sound. And let’s all admit that we weren’t the same band back then.”
Tiffany laughed. “Let’s face it. We sucked. But all those years of playing together and Teri's magic made us who we are today. Robert, we wouldn’t be who we are today without you and your club.”
Lisa laughed. “Okay, before this walk down memory lane becomes a tear fest, let’s get to work.”
Robert walked with them up to the stage. “Phil supervised a crew that came in and set you up. I never knew that he could tune everything, including balancing out Gina’s drums.”
As they put in their ear prices and attached their battery packs, the band looked at each other curiously.
Lisa smiled. “I guess there’s a lot we don’t know about our managers. We need to find out more about each of them.”
Teri held down a C on the keyboard so they could all test their tuning. As each one smiled, they realized their instruments were perfectly tuned.
Gina nodded. “Well, Lisa, you’ve got your wish. “True love, roadies, a manager, and an album. Anything else?”
Tiffany laughed. “I would have never guessed that the Genie in the bottle would be wearing red glitter high tops!”
Robert stood on the darkened stage. He nodded to the crew in the booth, and a pin light illuminated him. Three hundred people who had rushed in the doors at eight-thirty to order their drinks got quiet. This was the moment they’d been waiting for. The crowd felt the electricity that they were about to spend the night partying with their friends.
“Okay, folks, and welcome to the Rendezvous, the best club ever. And now, I have a real treat for you. Ladies and Gentlemen, are you ready to rock out?”
Robert watched as everyone started to cheer. When the music reached a crescendo, the stage lights came on, and he shouted, “The Wildcats!”
When they were still eighteen, Gina wanted a really cool name for their new band. She and Lisa had just invited Tiffany and Zoe to play with them. Those women were a couple of years older and had been playing in local bands together for several years. Lisa had contacted them and told them about her idea to form an all-girl punk band. It wasn’t an original idea; there had been plenty of tough chicks rocking the house.
After their first rehearsal, they discussed names. Gina kept pushing cat names. She liked The Lioness and the Panthers.
Tiffany was laughing. “Nah, way too lame. We need a name that separates us from all the shitty bar bands out there. People have to know who we are.”
Gina shook her head. “Well, I still like cat names.”
Tiffany faced off against her. “You mean little girl names like the Pussies?”
Gina shook her head. “C’mon. Just because I’m proud to be gay, it’s not like I need to wear a vagina on my sleeve.”
Zoe made her point. “The Stones had that crazy tongue album cover that made everyone think of how nasty they were. We need a name like that.”
Gina hopped back in. “You know, something that conjures an image. Maybe instead of a name, we should think of adjectives that should describe us.”
Tiffany looked at the drummer. Gina had been a massive shot in the arm when the coaches moved Lisa and her from the JV volleyball squad to Varsity. She was solid and quick, and there was something brilliant about her. “Adjectives? Fuckin’ adjectives? C’mon girl, and leave that school stuff out of it.”
Lisa tried. “Bold.”
Zoe smiled. “Powerful.”
Gina looked at Tiffany. “Crazy.”
“Quick.”
“Untamed.”
“Wild!”
Everyone remembered that moment, but no one was sure who said wild. But they all got goosebumps. “Wild is good,” Zoe had said.
“Wild Pussies.” Tiffany had a grin on her face.
Both Zoe and Tiffany had grown up loving another punk band. Four guys from Austin, Texas, had gone on and made fantastic music. They were called EBR, Eaten By Raptors. Tiffany was still on a crazy roll. “How about Eaten By Pussies or Wild Vaginas?”
After a good laugh and nixing Wild Vaginas and Wild Pussies, they settled on Wildcats.
Tiffany was not happy. “I’m not crazy about it. It doesn’t sound powerful enough. Seriously, Wildcats won’t fill people up with power or fear. It’s kinda like calling ourselves the Pussies.”
But the name stuck. Eventually, they agreed to become the Wildcats.
And woe to the drunken guy in a bar who disrespected the band or their new name. Tiffany stood six feet tall, and Gina, whose favorite sports were Roller Derby and Rugby, could easily take on anyone swinging a mic stand with a five-pound base weight. No one ever questioned that they could be wild.
They loved it when Robert yelled out, “The Wildcats”! It gave them even more energy as Gina started pounding her drums in a four-four time.
The rest of the band clapped until the whole place reverberated with that primal sound. Then, Zoe stepped up with her Gibson Flying Vee and let loose a solo with everyone cheering. The crowds had forgotten how exciting it was to hear her shred her strings in that small club.
It made them even more excited when Teri stepped up and played a counter-point solo that topped out when Tiffany started pounding out the place with her bass. The place was ready when Lisa stepped up to the mic and screamed, then immediately went into their opening number.
Everyone there knew the Cats. Everyone there had downloaded their songs from their website. Everyone there had watched the reruns of Ellen and the Tonight Show. They’d watched the Live from the Rendezvous and Live from the Underground tapes on their YouTube channel. And no one minded watching the Wildcats become famous and maybe a little rich. After all, this was Allentown; anybody who did well was a hometown hero.
The Wildcats hadn’t publicized their donations to local charities, although the site announced them. Their ticket did say in small letters that all the proceeds from their weekend were going to local charities, but the attention these places received helped their donations double.
Everyone sang along. They roared through Run, Run, Gone, and when they switched it up to Downward Spiral, no one missed a beat. They danced, sang, and drank up as the band powered through forty-five minutes of Wildcat songs. Richard challenged them to have one set of all original tunes, and they banded those expectations. They owned several hours of originals and loved to play and promote their upcoming album.
But they wanted to please their audience. When the second set started, they were pleased to see the band all come out with dry-erase markers and whiteboards. Everybody started cheering when Terry stepped to the center stage mic. “Okay, Allentown. One more thanks to Robert and the whole crew at the Rendezvous.” After the applause died down, Teri smiled. “It’s time to hear from you guys. It’s your turn to choose your favorite songs. Yell them out, and these beautiful women will write them down. Gina, Tiffany, and Zoe strutted around writing down songs as Teri approved them.
Teri only chose hits, not Wildcat songs. Lisa sat at their Hammond Organ and played roller rink music while the boards were filled. After that, they huddled in the middle, and Teri offered to run the set.
Tiffany smiled. “You’ve come a long way, Little Shit. Who would have thought that little boy could become such a superwoman?”
Teri wrapped her arms around and kissed her smack on the lips in front of three hundred cheering fans as they yelled out the lyrics to Show Me Some Love.
Finally, Teri returned to the mic and said, “Oh, Tiffany, you look so beautiful tonight!” Everyone cheered as she held her guitar and yelled, “C’mon and help me sing!” They started with Journey, then Bruce and Madonna, and for the next forty-five minutes, played the most popular songs ever to break through the Billboard hits. They finished with Sweet Home Alabama. When the set was done, and the stage went dark, five Wildcats stepped into the back, snacked, and used their private bathroom.
As Terri returned to take her turn in their bathroom, Tiffany came up alongside. She put her arm around her waist. “You realize kissing me on stage lit up my fires, girl. I used to think you were a cute little boy, but when Mike gives me the night off, I’m joining you and Jenn up in that third-floor bedroom. I gotta see what we can all do together.”
Tiffany walked her to the door and kissed her again. “There, I’m giving you your cooties back.”
Even though Teri had finally joined the other side, admitting that she couldn’t fight the tide, she still thought about Tiffany using what was left of his boy's brain. Boy brain, no brain. She knew that girls still excited her. Gina, Grace, and Tiffany were still fantasy dreams. She tried to imagine romping with any of them and realized that rolling and tumbling were foremost in her mind. Teri realized that she loved it all but was not into pinning some girl and making love to her. It would have to be a mutual giving.
As she was spacing out, Zoe stepped in front of her. “You all right. I saw how you glazed over coming out of that bathroom. Who were you fantasizing about?”
Teri turned red with embarrassment. “Uh, well.”
Zoe grabbed her around the waist. “You’re cheating on me in your mind, aren’t you? Who was it this time? Tiffany, Gina, or the lovely Grace Goldman. Damn girl, I can’t have you cheating on me.” She laughed and gave her a squeeze.
“Okay, ladies. Somebody has to crack the whip around here. You can’t be mooning over some fantasy; you must be on point. We’ve done a perfect job tonight but must end on a high note. I know Thursday is a warm-up, but those fans paid as much money as the crowds on Friday and Saturday night. And even though Teri is dialing down her look, we need to rock their socks.”
“Show Me Some Love, Summer Song, and Sam Cooke are musts.”
“Aretha?”
“Are we getting the cello out tonight?”
“Well, we’ll have time to rehearse a new version of Bad Boys tomorrow. It’s the same piano and cello piece but a new sad rocker attached.”
Lisa looked at Zoe and Teri. “Sure. That’s great that our writing team is back to work.”
“Aye, aye, General!”
Lisa wagged her finger. “It’s yessir, not aye, aye.”
Thank you again for reading. An apology for 8.1. I uploaded a rough copy. Sorry. In the meantime, constructive criticism is always loved
When Teri woke up to use the bathroom, she brushed her teeth. Still slightly disheveled, she came back and crawled under the covers.
From under those covers, a voice whispered, “I smell someone’s minty fresh breath.”
“Fe-fi-fo-fum….” Teri smiled and began to touch Jenn all over her erogenous zones while she spread kisses all over Teri’s body.
As Jenn giggled and tried to stop Teri’s hands, she whispered, “Somebody woke up on her good side this morning.” She kissed Teri back and tried to distract her by tickling. Jenn liked the way she could grab Teri’s extensions and pull her head back, exposing her neck. That soft flesh was just so appetizing, Jenn thought.
After a while, they both had to stop to catch their breath. As Jenn lay there enjoying the high the lovemaking brought her, she turned and whispered, “I love you.”
Wiping the tears from her eyes, Teri kissed her lips gently. “I’m the luckiest human being in the world.”
“You are sweets. You’ve got the best girlfriend ever, a rock band that loves everything you do for them, a million-dollar contract with a huge record company, and a baby on the way.”
The last line had Teri sitting up and forgetting that she was naked. The cool air immediately brought a reaction from her small breasts. “Huh? What did you say?”
Jenn wrapped her arms around her and dragged Teri back close to her so she could kiss the woman she loved. “Just seeing if you were paying attention. No, no pregnancy, yet, Rock Star.”
“Uh, Jenn. What do you mean not yet?”
“Well, honestly, I started thinking about Zoe’s big boomer plans. And with a baby on her horizon between Thanksgiving and Christmas, it seemed like the perfect time for us. And then I decided to postpone going to college next year so I could spend most of my time with my girlfriend. If those plans worked out, I could have the baby after you finish your summer tour. I could always start college after I get a handle on motherhood.”
Teri smiled but shook her head. “Okay. This all sounds crazy, but that makes sense.”
It was Jenn’s turn to look shocked. “Okay! I'm in as long as we don’t have to have a wedding or anything like that. I can’t see either of us in a wedding dress, but I can see myself pregnant. And you have enough money for us to have a nanny, an assistant, or whatever we need. We could travel the world with our little boomer as the band tours. I can picture you pushing a stroller across Europe and Asia.”
Teri shook her head. “Well, everything you’re saying is going at light speed. I’m still adjusting to being female and then she and her stuff. And now, suddenly, I’m supposed to see myself as a parent!”
They both lay there in silence until Teri spoke up.
“Jenn, I want to talk to my mom and see what she knows about infants. She’s a nurse and has all that experience. Right now, all I can think of are the positives. I want to hear what she says, especially about eighteen-year-old women becoming parents.”
“Onward, Rock Star.”
“What? The two of you are serious?” Amy leaned back against her kitchen counter for support. She was torn on what advice she should be giving them. Impulsively, her first words should have been no, no, no! But she really wasn’t sure after listening to the logical way that Jenn talked.
It was obvious that Jenn was brilliant and the best thing that had happened to her new daughter. Sharing the same sperm donor that she had used made perfect sense, and both Lisa and Teri were wonderful in every way.
Amy just stood there and thought about it. “You know, I’m really not sure about this. A baby takes up a lot of time and needs all your energy. It takes a lot of work to jump into.
“Mom?”
“Yes.” She was happy to stop thinking about all of this for a minute.
“How old were you when you had Lisa?”
Amy smiled. “I’d finished nursing school, had dated off and on through college, and never met any guy I saw as a father and husband. So Lisa was born before I was twenty-five.”
“Mrs. Nelson, you handled it alone and still worked daily.”
Amy smiled. “I guess things are changing, and I can't be Mrs. Nelson anymore, Jenn. I think you better start calling me Amy or Mom. Back then, I was very fortunate that the hospital where I worked offered daycare. I would go downstairs, where it was quiet, to nurse her several times a day.”
Teri nodded. “Were there any roadblocks with being a new mother and keeping a job?”
“Plenty. It was all about scheduling. Lisa was with me twenty-four hours a day. I didn’t have a support structure available. I hate to be critical, but my mom wasn’t well and my father was useless.”
Teri had never heard much about his grandparents. He had never met his grandmother, and Amy only talked to her father once or twice a year.
Jenn pressed on. “Then, if I’m hearing you right, the only thing that would have made it easier would have been a support system.”
Amy hugged Jenn and looked her in the eyes. “I know how smart you are and love how you treat Teri. You will make a great mother, but is that what you want? Are you trying to have Teri’s baby to help your relationship?”
Jenn hugged her back, looking into her eyes. “Absolutely not! I don’t think that we could be doing better. I know that Teri has had her ups and downs dealing with her intersex diagnosis. Still, I think we are destined to be together forever.”
“And what has your mom said?”
Jenn shrugged. “I don’t know. We haven’t really sat down and talked about much recently. She’s been working hard for her company and has to return to Chicago on business frequently.”
“Is that where their home office is? Why is she here in Allentown?”
“She’s in advertising and sales. She’s worked her way up and now runs the East Coast branch of the company. She’s been pretty busy.”
“You are planning to tell her, right?”
“Yes. But she is just starting to see me as an adult. I know the courts see me as an adult, but my mom has trouble with that. She was still managing my life until she finally permitted me to withdraw from high school. However, I aced my GEDs and have gotten accepted at several notable colleges. She's getting better about it.”
Amy listened. “Okay. This sounds crazy, but I want to be on your side. I don’t want to shut out either of you by questioning your credibility.”
Teri looked at Jenn, then back to Amy. “That sounds like a yes.”
“It does. But my only negative is that the two of you should have some time to yourselves before children start to dominate all your mental and physical time. With Teri’s musical future starting to explode, you might resent her for not giving you and this baby enough time and support.”
Jenn nodded and looked at her love. “That might be a point we should consider before starting a baby.”
Amy smiled. “Well, I think your mother needs to be on board. If she can see you two as responsible adults, that will help. But you need to sit down and see what she says.”
Teri nodded. In her mind, things were moving along. “Okay, now that we’ve covered the important stuff, let’s get lunch. Oh, and Mom, why are you home today?”
Amy blushed. “I have an appointment at Isabella’s late this afternoon. I’m going away with Conor for a couple days.”
Teri grinned. “You think he’s going to pop the question?”
Amy shrugged. “I don’t think so. It's too soon. I’m just looking forward to a getaway.”
Teri looked at her mom. She understood how important Conor was to her. “Cool. Lunch?”
Jenn looked at Teri. “You’re always hungry. Amy, has he always been like that?”
Amy studied her daughter and hugged her. “No, quite the opposite. Maybe it’s all caused by what's happening inside her that’s burning up all those calories.”
Teri smiled. “Maybe it's because the band worked last night, and we didn’t stop for breakfast.”
Amy looked at Jenn and then at her new daughter. “You’re going to need a pediatrician and you are going to have to start taking vitamins. Plus, you can’t skip meals.”
Jenn smiled. “I guess that goes for both of us! Thanks, mom!”
Teri nodded. “C’mon, gang. I’m on the verge of ‘hangry.’
They got into Amy’s car and drove to the Charcoal Pit. As they pulled up, Terry moaned. “Uh, I hate to be the one to say this, but the Charcoal Pit hamburgers, fries, and milkshakes are not on the healthy list.” He pointed to the other side of the mall. “We can get a nice salad over there.”
After Amy drove home, they all hugged goodbye. After they picked up Jenn’s car, Teri got quiet.
“What’s up, Rock Star?”
“Lots of stuff. My mom might be getting engaged, and you are starting to take prenatal vitamins and thinking about your car.”
“Car? That’s new. I thought you never noticed cars. You can drive, right?”
“Sure. But I have no problem being chauffeured around. No, I think you need a big, safe car with all those bells and whistles that make you safer. And you’ll need space to carry around all the kid’s stuff.”
“Thanks for thinking about me. What did you have in mind?”
“Maybe a mid-sized SUV. One with a back seat and room in the back to carry all that baby stuff.”
Jenn looked at Teri. “Are you ready to shop for your baby’s furniture? And where’s this baby going to live? We'll need our own house, too. That means no sleeping in the band house.”
“Uh-huh. We can shop for a car and a house before we’re caught up in all the plans for the tour. And in the fall, you can start building a nest out of sticks and twigs.”
Jenn leaned over at the red light and socked her in the bicep.
“Aw, that hurt.”
“Wise ass. But we should figure out where I will be when I'm in my third trimester and can’t get around much.”
“Geez. This is all too real, huh?”
“Real is when you start thinking like a mother.”
Teri sat there reacting to what Jenn had just said. She suddenly realized that this great plan of Jenn’s was going to happen, and she'd end up being a mom to a baby. She tried to picture herself handling everyday things like diapers and feedings and being there, focusing on another person.
Jenn looked over and watched her. “Uh-huh, what are you thinking about?”
Teri shook her head. “This is real. It’s not just buying things and paying for stuff. It’s a full-time job to make sure our boomer grows up perfectly. I’m a little shaken, but I'm trying to understand that a baby is important. I wondered if I could still play music with the Wildcats and raise a kid. All of a sudden, I realized that I was going to have to give everything up to be a parent. And you said, a mom.”
Jenn smiled. “It’s not quite that crazy. Babies sleep a lot, and you kinda grow up with the baby. But I have a strange thing to put in your head. Do you want to share the nursing, too?”
“Huh?”
“Yep, those boobies of yours are real and made from the estrogen flowing in your body. I’m sure they have all the necessary ducts to be milkers. We’d have to talk to the doctor to see if they can turn the milk part on.”
Teri shook her head. “Oh, wow.”
That afternoon, Lisa texted everyone to say that Gina’s mom had made two big lasagnas for the band's dinner tonight. Dinner was at six, and then they’d head over at eight for a sound check.
Teri showed his phone to Jenn. They were at her house, and she was getting ready to take a shower. “Cool. Does that include me?”
Teri nodded and watched Jenn strip down. She stood there looking at her. “Watchcha thinking?”
“That you can make a baby for us.”
“Two or three.”
“Would you still want to attend college and get a degree?”
“Sure. Your mom worked the whole time she raised the two of you, and everything was good.”
Teri shook his head. “I’m just having trouble visualizing the whole thing.”
Jenn smiled. “I’ve got a head start on you. I’ve been practicing playing a grown-up mom since I used to play dolls. I’m okay with all of this. What makes it easier is how much money you have. We can hire the best help to make it the perfect world for our kid.”
Teri shook her head. “Maybe it's cause everything is happening so fast. And this is all so serious. It scares me.”
“You’ll have plenty of time to get prepared. We’ll be a step behind Zoe so you can watch her and see what Bruno does, too. But you won't fall back into being the guy in this relationship. I won't be your wife and keep a perfect house for you while you’re out playing music. You’re going to be a mom, too.”
Teri stepped into the shower and kissed Jenn. “Right. That’s just what I’m going to be. I’m the alien creature that inhabited an earthling female body and got pregnant. I’m going to be the second-best mom ever.”
“And I’m going to be the best mom?”
“That’s what I was just saying.”
“Nope, wrong. You’re going to be the best mom, Teri. You won't be calling on me for help to bail you out. You’re going to be the leader.”
“Can I ask my mom for help?”
“Of course. Just like I’m going to ask my mom for advice.”
As Teri carefully soaped Jenn, she lost herself in her girlfriend’s beautiful body. She loved her curves and, after the soap ran off in the shower, kissed her everywhere. She tried to let all the tension flow out and away like the water running over their bodies.
Then Teri felt Jenn push her tightly up against the wall and soap her; Teri started to get excited. As the heat of her passion-filled her up, she moaned. When Jenn dropped the soft sponge and pressed her hard into the hard tile, Teri was shaking with excitement. Jenn took advantage of her girlfriend’s passion and started squeezing and biting her flesh, touching her everywhere until finally, Teri felt herself go completely.
As they dried each other off, Teri started rubbing moisturizer into Jenn’s skin. Using her hands and mouth, she touched all of her sensitive spots, which made Jenn shiver and her body respond. Once the moisturizer was completely rubbed in, Teri touched and kissed her everywhere. It was her turn to get Jenn to moan, groan, and finally scream over and over again.
As they lay there on Jenn’s bed, Teri started laughing.
“What, Rock Star?”
“Just thinking about our first times on this bed, rolling my sleeping bag out so we wouldn’t get any wet spots on your sheets.”
Jenn laughed and slid up on top of her. She gripped Teri's wrists forcefully and held her to the bed. “Sometime, I'm going to tie you up and paddle you until you have an orgasm. I’m going to become your dominatrix.”
“Is that supposed to scare me or make me want you more?
As everyone stuffed themselves with salad and lasagna that night, Teri looked around at her best friends. She was grinning, realizing that these were the best times.
Lisa stood on the stage and talked to the audience. “We love our fans who come out to party with us each night. We must thank all the people who work the sound, the lights, and the wonderful people who pour your drinks. Everyone here, including the bouncers and the caretakers, makes it the best place to hear music. The owner, Robert, has gone out of his way to help new groups who need encouragement and the opportunity to make money by playing here for you. This is where we started, and we will never forget how wonderful everyone in Allentown has been to us.”
She waited until the clapping died down to speak again. “If you look at your ticket, you’ll see that everything the Wildcats make this weekend will go to the Boys and Girls Club of Allentown. If you want to look further, go to the first page of our website, and you’ll see the list of all the charities with which we share our money. Since we signed with Warner Records, all we’ve collected from our website donations have gone to those charities. If you like doing more, tap those charity icons to take you to their donate pages.”
People continued to cheer until they heard the sounds of Teri’s guitar playing the first notes of Sam Cooke’s A Change Is Going To Come. Everyone watched as the Wildcat used her guitar to tell the story of the struggle of black and brown people trying to make changes in this country.
After playing for a few minutes, the rest of the band played with Teri. Finally, Lisa got up from their keyboards and gently took the mic in her hands. She looked at three hundred people, staring at her sister, who had just hypnotized all of them with her playing.
Lisa started singing the words as Teri, Zoe, and Tiffany sang in perfect harmony behind her. When the song ended, everyone started cheering for their hometown band, the Wildcats.
When Teri reappeared dressed in her fuzzy bunny costume, the crowd roared. She waited a few minutes while everyone in the audience got out their phones. The roar got louder as the other Wildcats appeared in their yellow chick, red fox, pink poodle, and tabby cat.
Teri pressed a foot switch and struck a few notes on her guitar. The sound that came out was heavily distorted. She spoke in her mic, “Guys, could you turn the lights up on stage so everyone gets a good recording?”
As the lights came up, Gina counted them off. Zoe, in her fox costume with the beautiful red tail swishing behind her, started with a raucous-sounding heavy metal solo as Gina pounded hard on her drums. After sixteen bars, Tiffany, larger than life in her pink poodle outfit hammered out a bass that any punk metal group would have loved.
Finally, Teri handed Lisa her guitar. The beautiful blonde grinned and started chording like any twelve-year-old playing air guitar would have done in the mirror. She totally laughed as she tried her best to look like a heavy metal killer.
When everyone was playing, rocking the house, Teri grabbed the mic stand and screamed loudly,
Fur Face, Fur Face,
Kiss your fuzzy fur face
Love my fluffy bunny slippers
Love my tiny chick
Sweet little puppy, soft little fox
My cute poodle, think you rock
Fur Face, Fur Face,
Kiss your fuzzy fur face
I love my soft white kitten,
Love my pussy, too
Give you hugs, Give you kisses
Bury my face into your fur
Fur Face, Fur Face.
Kiss your fuzzy face
The crowd roared at the lyrics Teri had innocently composed. They'd seen and heard them on various videos everywhere, including the Today Show, Instagram, and TikTok.
And in the middle of the fun, Tiffany grabbed her mic and began her rap in the song’s breaka s everyone shouted along.
Feathers, fur, and a soft red coat,
Love you more ‘cause you’re so helpless,
crying out for me to hold.
In my arms, I’ll squeeze you tightly.
You’re so small, and you’re really needy.
Tug my heart with all your cuteness,
Make me blush, I’ll hold and kiss you
Puppies, kitties, little sheepie.
Love ‘em cause they’re soft and cuddly.
Baby, I want you in my arms, holding you and kissing me. When you’re smiling, I love you more.
Give you kisses and bite your fur.
‘Cause teddy bears and little foxes
Aren’t as cute as you can be
As the crowd roared their approval, the whole band ended the song singing.
Fur Face, Fur Face.
Kiss your fuzzy face
The stage went dark as Lisa whispered, "we’ll be back in fifteen minutes. Plenty of time to use the bathroom and have another drink."
As the women walked off the stage, they knew they were back. Everyone laughed as they watched the fuzzy bunny skip to the snack table.
Dear Reader,
Wildcat Summer is available on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Wildcat-Summer-Leslie-Moore-ebook/dp/...
There are many chapters to read in the sample
Leslie
“Let’s start with a number. How are you doing today?”
“Good. Maybe a seven.”
“Why not a ten?”
“Well, Grace. Not everything is perfect.”
“Where would you like to start?”
Teri thought for a minute. “Well, I feel like a ten for the music. I’d forgotten how much fun it is to play live. Wednesday, we played on the roof of Allentown Music to all of downtown Allentown. It was great! We’re playing at the Rendezvous tonight and are booked for the rest of the week. And hey, that’s where Tasha got her start.”
“Do you miss her?”
“Tasha? Well, she was the perfect avatar. She always did the right thing, and everybody loved her. But there’s no more Terry or Tasha. Terry just evolved, and it was finally time to let him go, and I guess Tasha vanished into the thin air, too.”
“Do you miss Terry?”
“Well, sometimes I miss how easy it was to be Terry. No one expected much from him. I could just leave everything for someone else to care for and stumble along at whatever pace I wanted to go. But Terry really wasn’t intersex; he was just a guy whose puberty had stopped. Of course, we now know that wasn’t true either. And once the truth was out and I knew what would happen, it was easier to become Teri and enjoy the ride.”
“That sounds very healthy.”
“Yeah, and most of the time, I believe it until it’s too much. It can be overwhelming.”
“What happens when it overwhelms you? What do you do?”
“Retreat to my room, cry in the shower, or talk to my mom or Lisa. And, of course, I can turn to Jenn. I hate sounding like a broken record and always complaining, but those moments are getting further apart. I use many of the techniques you’ve taught me, too. I think I’m a lot calmer.”
She took a deep breath and looked at Grace. “My biggest focus is The Wildcats. The band takes up a lot of my time and keeps me happy, especially playing. I’m looking forward to the Rendezvous. I used to think that that club was enormous. We took our equipment straight over to the Rendezvous after we played. I walked around and was surprised at how small it was!”
“How many people does it hold?”
“Three hundred. It’s like playing in front of your family at Christmas time, a big living room full of love. At that club, everybody knows all the songs, sings along, and cheers loudly for every solo and song. This might be what heaven is like, intimate, friendly, and perfect.”
“You said that the Rendezvous was small. What are you comparing it to?”
“Well, our first big show was The Underground in Atlanta. It held a thousand or fifteen hundred, but the stage was huge, and the sound was amazing. It was perfect for a big place. We did a couple of long weekends there. It was funny because we made the same amount each night at the Underground as the Wildcats made in a week on the road last year.”
“Seems like the Wildcats are going big time.”
“Well, when we played at the French Town Festival in New Orleans, they estimated thirty-five thousand people or more were there. That was a free concert. That was our biggest crowd ever. But, and this is a big but, we are scheduled to play back in Atlanta next Saturday night for twenty thousand people buying tickets to see us. I think that’s insane!”
“You’ve come a long way since rehearsing with the Wildcats at spring break.”
“Truly. My life has changed a lot. And you know what, Grace? I think it’s great.”
“So the transition is done? No more internal battles?”
“Well, I am curious to know whether my transition is done. I’m only eighteen and think I’ve got to grow up. And as far as inner battles, I still keep myself busy worrying about many things.”
“Some stuff is still grabbing me by the ankles and slowing me down. I’m not feeling dumb or slow like I have an underdeveloped brain. But it’s strange to think my guy friends aren’t as mature as Jenn or me, like puppies. I have a problem with my old friends who knew me as Terry.”
“Tell me.”
“Well, Jenn made a dinner reservation for the guys and us, just like old times. After a lot of gnashing teeth, I decided I should be Teri, spelled with one R ending in an I. I did not shrink away from appearing as female. That was a big hurdle for me, and with all my worrying, nothing happened,”
“Nothing?”
“Well, at first, I got called dude a bunch, but that’s just them. And, after all, I used to be that dude. But something did get weird. One of the guys pulled me aside. He wants to text and talk to me more privately. I’m worried about what might happen with that.”
“What do you think will happen?”
“He’s going to start treating me like a girl.” Teri took a deep breath. “Yeah, I finally said it. I mean, how would that go? I’d be a girl on a day date and end up sucking face with an old classmate who used to consider me a dude?”
Grace did her best not to smile. “Okay. So what do you want to do?”
“I like having friends, but not boyfriends. I have Jenn, who is more than enough as my girlfriend. Although recently, she’s getting weirder and weirder.”
“Why?”
“Well, it’s about this baby thing.”
“I remember you mentioning this before where she uses the same sperm that procreated you. At first, I thought it was crazy, but in a way, it’s very novel.”
“At first, it did sound cool. But the more I thought about it. Wouldn’t that make our own baby my brother or sister?”
Grace thought for a minute. “Half brother or sister. But you’re right. Jenn would be giving you a child that you’re related to. And while it does sound strange, you would have a child that is yours.”
“Well, now she wants to move forward with it this summer. She wants to use Zoe as her model.”
“Zoe Finley? In your band?”
“Yeah, she’s newly pregnant with Bruno.”
“I thought you guys were going on tour.”
“We are. And Zoe thinks that won’t interfere with the tour.”
“Well, it might be taxing for her to play for three hours each night.”
“Yeah. We’d tour with another band and be second on the bill. We’d play for ninety minutes and an encore to warm up the crowd and get our name out there.”
“Okay. But that theory is only good if you are second on the bill.”
“I can’t see us leading a tour. I see us as a second fiddle.”
“Well, if your band is the headliner, you’d play for at least two hours, maybe more. Zoe is young and in good shape. And you can spend money on a private chef and support people.”
“True. Has Gina said anything about our summer tour?”
“Not much. The record is dropping now, and Atlanta is the first show on the journey. It sounds to me like Warner’s ready to make you stars. I would have thought you’d know more.”
Teri thought for a minute. “I’ll bet Richard and Phil know more details but don’t want to scare us. They want us to get an arena show under our belts first. I don’t know how many dates we must hear about, but we will dance to their beat all summer.”
“So what will you say to your old friend when you call him?”
“Grace, I don’t have a clue and need help.”
“Well, you should let him do most of the talking. I’m sure he’s just as nervous as you are. What’s Jenn say?”
“She says she wants me to experience everything. But I think that’s a lie. I think she wants us to be exclusive.”
“And you?”
“Honestly, Grace, my body is so strange. I mean, I don’t get horny or lust for anyone. I still like looking at beautiful women, and guys are just not for me. Unless I’m high.”
Grace nodded for her to go on.
“Well, the only times I’ve lost control around guys is when I’m high. And when I make out, I like being restrained and have little orgasms and well….”
“Have you had penetrative sex with a guy?”
“Not with guys, but regularly with Jenn.”
“Do you have orgasms?”
“Wonderful orgasms. But now she wants to get pregnant, and she wants me to get shots so that I can nurse, too.”
“How’s that make you feel?”
“Like I’m being rushed. When she talks like that, I want to run away and hide.”
“Do you share those feelings with her?”
“No, not yet. I don’t want to argue or get her mad at me. But I need to face a lot of things I’ve been avoiding. I’m just having trouble dealing with some things.”
“Teri, avoiding those things that drive you crazy is just doing that. You need to confront all the issues that are bothering you. You don’t have to go along just to get along. You’re making progress, and I can see the changes in your demeanor. You are becoming a wonderful young woman, Teri.”
“Well, I don’t think I’m ready to be a parent, Grace. I’m not ready to be a nursing mother. It scares me, and everything is going on too fast. But how do I tell Jenn?”
Grace smiled. “Maybe we can pretend that I’m Jenn, and you can talk with me about your feelings. We can act it out and discuss it as we practice. Do you want to try?”
Teri shrugged, “Sure. But telling you that I love you is a little strange. I’m not sure that’s where I want to go.”
Grace smiled, “Okay, we’ll skip that part. Just start with small talk.”
She took a deep breath. “Hey, Jenn. What are you doing?”
“Oh, hi, Teri! I’m just looking at the cutest maternity dresses online. Wanna see?”
“Uh, sure.”
Grace nodded. “Good. Keep trying to see her side. Show some empathy.”
Teri smiled. “I think that one would look nice on you. The colors would complement your hair and skin tones.”
Grace gave her a thumbs up. “And Teri, you’re going to need nursing bras, too! Won’t it be fun to start shopping together?”
“Honestly? No. I love you too much for words, but you’re moving too fast. The whole idea is making me scared.”
Grace held up her hand. “Let’s stop for a minute. I want you to talk like an adult to another adult. I’m scared of what a child would say to a parent. To have a discussion, you need to present your thoughts as an equal if you want her to treat you as an adult and not a child.”
Teri was nodding before Grace had finished. “Okay, let’s try it again.” He took a deep breath. “Honestly, Jenn? No. I love you too much for words, but we’re moving too fast. I like what my mom said about how we should spend more time together for the two of us.”
Grace gave her a thumbs up. “But, Teri. Having a baby is something we can really share together.”
Teri nodded. “Yes, and that’s something I’m looking forward to. I love the idea of us having a great family. And I want to spend our lives together forever. But for now, I’m selfish and want more of you. The idea of you coming on our tour and sharing the experience is a memory we will have forever. It’s like coffee and the little donuts in the French Market each morning.”
“Sure, I remember our walks around the French Quarter. Discovering Cafe Du Monde, beignets and cafe au lait.”
“There’s going to be so much for us to see together.”
“But aren’t you going to get tired of me being your fifth wheel? I mean, seriously? Won’t I just be in the way?”
“No. I love being with you all the time. I’d be afraid of the opposite. I see you being bored because so much time will be spent with the band. Could you take college courses to fill your time?”
“Teri, let’s stop. There’s a problem with you suggesting things Jenn could do. Let her figure out what she’ll do when you’re being a Wildcat. Let her be her own self.”
Teri was nodding. “Okay, and thanks. I just hope it goes smoothly, you know.”
Grace shook her head. “It won’t go as well as what we just practiced together. But the trick is talking to each other as adults.”
“Oh, yeah. And my mom might be falling in love with Zoe’s dad, Conor Finley.
“How’s that make you feel?”
“Pretty good. I think she deserves to be happy.”
“Teri, I believe everyone deserves to be happy.”
“Uh, does that include you? How are you and Gina doing?”
“Very good. We have had more time together, and I love her even more. I know she loves me, and that’s all that matters.”
Teri thought for a minute. “Uh, one more thing. Should I be having experiences with other people, you know, kinda making out and having little orgasms?”
Grace smiled. “Only if you could handle Jenn doing the same thing. I believe you and Jenn need to discuss all those situations that might arise beforehand. Just picture Jenn with another person doing what you want to do.”
Teri became horrified. “Oh, no. I couldn’t handle it. But….”
Grace slid over to the couch. She turned to face Teri. She reached over, took Teri’s hands, and squeezed them firmly. Then Grace smiled and, still holding Teri’s hands very firmly, said, “I’m going to put away my professional hat for a minute and talk about Gina. She’s my love, and we’ve reached a point where it’s true love for both of us. But it’s not cheating if we both agree about having sex with others. Our big difference is that I’m more discrete.”
Teri stared with her mouth open. “Oh.”
Grace pulled her up closer by her hands. She did not let go; instead, she moved so close their bodies almost touched. Grace smiled and looked deeply into Teri’s eyes. She did not say anything.
Teri felt the warmth of her hands and the firm way she gripped her. She could feel the heat of Grace’s breath and smell her perfume. Looking at her beautiful face and perfect complexion, she briefly was lost in the deep pools of her brown eyes, full lips, and smile. Teri felt a surge run through her body, and a wave of pleasure went everywhere at once. She was happy that Grace was holding on to her because she was close to passing out.
Grace slowly let her go and smiled. “Our session’s been over for a few minutes, Teri. I know that Gina and Jenn have planned to join us for lunch and are probably out there waiting for us. I’m picturing something decadent and all gooey, maybe grilled cheese, tomato, and bacon!”
“Hey!”
Teri smiled. She was staring at Jenn. A few minutes ago, she’d been having a moment with Grace that had left her breathless. Minutes later, she greeted Jenn and Gina outside the Comcast Building and tried to act normal.
Thinking about the word normal, she realized nothing would ever be normal. In less than six months, everything had been flipped on its head. Male, female, intersex! Twelfth grade, rock band, record, band house, girlfriend, new friends, new body bursting from within! Terry to Tasha to Teri!
“Hey!” She tried hard to focus on Jenn and smile. Act normal, act normal, she said to herself. She kept trying not to look at Grace. When Grace had been discussing her relationship with Gina, she’d talked about true love and separating that from sex. She remembered Grace smiling and saying the difference between the two of them was that she was discreet.
Discreet! Teri kept reminding herself to be discreet about what happened with Grace. But what did just happen? They held hands, an innocent enough gesture. But something seriously happened to me, she thought.
Jenn got very close. Looking into her eyes, she said, “Are you all right? You seem strange. Is something wrong?”
Teri shook her head. “No, not really. I’m just a little shaken. We did some role play and I’m still feeling kinda lost. I’m okay. How are you doing?”
Jenn linked her arm with Teri’s. She pulled her along. “We’re going to lunch with beautiful Grace and wild Gina! C’mon, babe. It’s gonna be fun.”
Teri turned and focused on Jenn. “What did you and Gina talk about?”
“Sex!” Jenn had a big grin on her face.
“Huh?” Teri realized she wasn’t paying attention.
“Just checking to see if you’re paying attention. But we did talk about sex. Gina was giving me pointers and even offered to play with me!”
Teri almost choked and started coughing. “For real?”
Jenn squeezed her hand. She leaned over and whispered, “Why not? You and Gina have plenty of time!”
Teri drank a whole glass of water as they sat in a booth. She knew her eyes were wide open, like saucers! She wanted to say something, but everything was spinning. “Uh, Jenn. For real?”
Teri watched her shrug. Then she held up the menu. “Isn’t this place cool? Gina said it was Grace’s favorite.”
She looked at the menu. The place was called Say Cheese! She smiled. Grace had just mentioned that she wanted something gooey at the end of their session. Teri was still trying to understand what had happened. They’d just held hands, but she had an orgasm staring at Grace’s face. Teri also knew that it was their secret.
She scanned the menu and saw macaroni and cheese with options like truffles, lobster, crab, and even bacon. There were grilled cheese sandwiches with assorted toppings. There were pasta dishes with cheese, a cheese soufflé, risotto, a white pizza, fondue, and cheddar grits. So many things all anchored by cheese. “This place is crazy!”
As the waitress took their order, Teri watched everyone else and finally chose the mac and cheese with bacon.
She leaned over to Jenn. “Seriously, you and Gina?”
Jenn smiled. “You know. I figured it could only add to our relationship. I mean, you and I, we’re both innocents. I mean, all we bring to our relationship is what we’ve fumbled around and discovered. Maybe we should play with Gina and see what we can learn together.”
Teri stared at her. “You know, you’re the smartest person I’ve ever met and are probably right. But you move twice as fast as I do, and my whole session with Grace was about helping me figure out how to communicate with you. Sometimes, I feel like a sheep following Mary around.”
Jenn leaned over and kissed her. “I love sheep. But seriously, honey, I live for you. And I’m sorry that you feel uncomfortable trying to deal with my hyperactive brain functions. But you’re right! I never want to make you feel uncomfortable or pressured. I knew you looked strange when I first saw you after your session. I sensed something had thrown you, but I figured we’d get to it later. But, seriously, how about doing something with Gina?”
Teri shook her head.
Jenn leaned in and whispered. “How many times have you been intimate with Gina? I counted three. The Saturday morning when you were under the covers. You told me that she rode you like a pony. And then you had your group thing with Gina and Bruno getting high while you got your tattoo. And then the time I told you to cheer her up, you said you did it on the movie set in a theater.”
Teri was thankful that their food had come. She picked up a soup spoon and dug in. This was, without a doubt, the cheesiest, most flavorful delight she’d ever had, but her appetite was quickly fading. Looking over at Jenn, she was pleased to see that her grilled cheese sandwich was keeping her occupied.
Teri snuck a glance over at Grace and Gina as they ate. She wondered what Grace was saying to Gina and if discretion meant that Grace was not revealing what had happened between them upstairs. Really, it was only sitting close together and handholding. She knew that when Grace had held her hands tightly, her insides had exploded and melted.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” Jenn was turned and looking at her curiously.
“Uh, nothing. It’s this Gina thing. You make sense. But it may be easier for you to do something with Gina one-on-one rather than the two of us together.
Jenn leaned over and purred in her ear. “Oh, baby. Wouldn’t you want to be in on it too? In my mind, I kinda pictured the two of you sending me over the moon. I was kinda getting excited. Is that okay to tell you?”
Teri shook her head. “Well, it does reveal a side of you that I wasn’t expecting. Now it makes me wonder if your encouragement for me to explore with other people, especially guys, was because that’s what you wanted to do.”
Jenn turned bright red. She was quiet. “This might not be the right place to discuss this, but it’s kinda true. I want my cake and eat it too. I want you forever, but I still wonder about just having crazy sex. You know, for some reason, the idea of a group scene, well, gets me all hot and bothered. Does it scare you when I talk like that?”
Teri shook her head and sighed. “It makes sense. I want to love you forever, but I know I’m inadequate. My libido is strange and quirky. I wish I was closer to normal, where I could give you what you need. And maybe there’s another person who you might find to love. I wish I could satisfy your needs.” She had to take a deep breath and stop a tear from appearing in her eye.
She stared at Jenn and thought about it. “Okay. You’re being honest, and so I will be, too. This seems to be very important to you. I will go if you want to arrange for the three of us to be together. And if you want to explore being with other partners, that's fine. I will be there for you.”
Tears started flowing from Jenn’s eyes as she stared at Teri. She shook her head and used her linen napkin to wipe her eyes, making sure her mascara didn’t smudge.
In the meantime, Grace and Gina had already stood up. When they looked over, Gina explained, “Grace needs to get back to work. Since Jenn and I came together, how about you two finish up while I walk her back to her office?"
They watched the two of them walk away. Jenn turned and said, “I wonder what Grace is like? She’s so beautiful.”
Teri was thinking the same thing. “So I guess it’s settled. It’s a threesome.”
Jenn squeezed her hand. “You really sound resigned to do this. Aren’t you the least bit interested?”
Teri smiled and kissed her. “If I can pick up some pointers to make you happier, I’m game. But my little orgasms are so nothing compared to a woman’s.”
Jenn said, “How about if we get high first?”
Teri shrugged. “Fine.”
When Gina appeared, she smiled and walked straight up to Teri. “Oh, my God. I love that woman. I don’t think I could live without her.”
Teri nodded. “I feel the same way about Jenn. But Jenn tells me we’re going to have a threesome. How does that make you feel?”
Gina looked carefully at Teri. “Uh, you’re not grinning from ear to ear. Aren’t you excited to play with me again?”
Teri sighed. “It’s not that, Gina. I enjoyed playing with you and just, well…. Jenn wants to initiate this. I think she wants to experience hard sex. She talked about groups. She sounded excited. And that leaves me feeling pretty inadequate.”
Gina nodded. “Yeah, I see you. But I’m not interested in screwing with your head. Let’s take a rain check on this. Jenn is gorgeous and seems like she’d be fun, but this seems awkward. Does she talk about an open relationship? Is that what you both want? It can complicate things. I would know. How would you feel if she left you for another person cause of sex?”
“Miserable. But I’m not her boss, and I want her to voluntarily be with me. You already know I have limitations and can’t offer her what you have.”
“Well, couldn’t you get surgery and fix all that?”
“Yup. And maybe that’s what I’m going to learn from today. I want her to be happy and not resent me. I just can’t say no.”
Gina smiled and kissed her cheek. “I think that’s wonderful and very naïve. What if one of you wanted to bring a guy into the mix. How would you feel if she went straight after that?”
“I’d have to wish her all the best because this is all I can be. It’s been hard to admit I never was a guy.”
Gina smiled. “I think you’re pretty understanding about meeting her desires and maybe a bit foolish. But we can go with this and always stop if it’s too much for either of you.”
Jenn saw them whispering. “Okay, girls. If you’re going to talk about me, then you need to both share.” She folded her arms and looked upset.
Teri kissed her cheek. “Uh, Gina asked me how I felt about this. I told her how I felt but that you were the most important thing in my life, and I honestly couldn’t say no.”
Jenn smiled and kissed her. Then she turned to Gina and kissed her hard on the mouth as she wrapped her hands around her neck. “Oh, my God, Gina. I can’t wait. I am already excited just thinking about this.”
Hearing those words, Teri wanted to just disappear. She knew that she couldn’t complete. She was just a placeholder until somebody really made Jenn crazy in love.
As they were driving, Jenn took a turn on the highway. Teri raised an eyebrow. “Uh-huh. We’re going to Mom’s house. I want to do it in her bed, and we can shower in her bath. That’s on my bucket list.”
“I thought they were showing the house to sell?”
“Not yet. Next week, after my mom gets all her stuff out of there. And I just talked to her, and I know she’s tied up in big-time meetings for the next three days. So, we are good. Plus, we have deadbolts on all the doors, so we won’t be surprised even with a key!”
Gina smiled. “Okay. So a couple questions. Do you have weed? Toys? Lube?”
Jenn laughed. “Gina, I have a virtual toy shop here. Many are hand-me-downs from my older sister, who did an online gig, but I’m not touching mom’s stuff. That would be too creepy.”
Gina smiled. “I want to see what your mom stocks. Just peek.”
Jenn laughed, and they all went over to her mom’s nightstand. She pulled open the bottom drawer, and they all looked inside.
Gina was the first to speak. “Boring. I’ll give you a list of presents you can buy her. Does she date?”
Jenn smiled. “I’m not supposed to know, but I think she likes fem boys and women.”
Gina nodded. “That’s pretty cool. I was hoping for a strap-on.”
Jenn laughed. “You haven’t seen my collection yet. I’ve got a pretty nice one. But Teri doesn’t love it.”
Teri sighed. “I don’t have a boy prostate, so I lack that anal stimulation thing. And my girl organs are small and hidden away, so no G spot either. Maybe the surgeons can decide what to do with me sometime in the future.”
Gina announced, “It’s time to smoke. I know that will help Teri get in the mood, right Hunny Bunny?”
Teri nodded, and they carried everything out to the screened porch. The three of them lit a pipe and passed it around until Teri was so high she was afraid to stand. She turned the next pass down. “I’m more than good.”
When they stood up, Gina gave her a kiss. She pulled her in close and put both hands on her butt and squeezed. When she let Teri come up for air, she kissed her neck. “Oh, baby. You’ve got a nice booty coming in back there. Mmm, Gina likes it.”
Jenn opened the door to the family room. “Time, girls. We can pretend we’re having a tea party.”
Teri giggled. “I’m not wearing a fancy little girl dress. That’s way too weird.”
Gina laughed. “Good, 'cause all I want to see are birthday suits.
“I never got naked with you, Gina. So you have to promise not to laugh.”
Jenn smiled. “Teri’s physical development is at about sixteen years old. She’s very cute.”
Teri frowned. “This is weird with two beautiful women watching me get naked.”
Gina laughed. “Me first, girlies.” She pulled off her top and her bra. She shook herself and massaged the marks left by her underwire. Then she slipped off her skirt and her panties at the same time. Teri remembered that she shaved from their movie set experience.”
Jenn approached Gina and kissed her while her hands roamed her body. She looked into Gina’s eyes and ordered, “Undress me.”
Teri wished she was higher so she could just pass out. She sighed and knew this was not going to go well. When she stood up, she had to find her balance before she could walk away.
Jenn enjoyed exploring Gina’s curves and was surprised to see her girlfriend leaving. “Hey, baby. Where are you going?”
Teri stopped walking but kept one hand on the dresser for balance. Without turning, she shrugged and waved as she left the bedroom.
Dear Friends,
Thank you for reading and writing. (Especially the writing part!) It's great to hear your opinions and how this affected you. I knew I was walking on thin ice here. But, it seemed like the right time. Excuse the mistakes in this portion. My spelling checkers, three, do not like slang and are always trying to turn my stories into business letters or dissertations. That's not how the Cats talk. So ignore the spelling or grammatical errors cause sometimes I'm 'toopid'
When Teri woke up, she turned over and stared at the empty side of her bed. She felt alone. But instead of thinking, she turned over and went back to sleep.
When her bladder finally forced her up, she thought about how comical her exit had been last night.
It was definitely something a stoner would do. She’d walked away leaving all her clothes and possessions in the bedroom where Gina and Jenn were. She knew she wasn’t going to return to the bedroom to get her clothes or ask for anyone’s help. So she searched around and found clothes in Jenn’s mom’s drawers and closets. After finding clothes, she had to get her own ride.
She’d fumbled at first with the how-to part, but was happy that Gina had left her phone out on the porch where they’d gotten high. It was still totally unlocked so she was able to use the Uber app. A nice woman picked her up ten minutes later and took her straight to her door.
Fortunately, there was a hidden key and she was able to quietly tip toe in and go up to her room. Everything in her mind was jumbled and confused but she knew that she wanted was sleep.
Getting up, she realized that she still had Jenn’s mom’s underpants on. After washing her face and brushing her teeth, she got out her own clothes and got dressed. She found Lucinda downstairs who happily made her pancakes and bacon. As she wolfed everything down, she remembered her last meal was lunch with Grace, Gina, and Jenn. She decided she was still fuzzy brained and promised not to think about Jenn or anything that happened yesterday.
Instead, she went down in their studio and plugged in her guitar. She started playing. At first it was just finger exercises and then it became chords and finally she was playing solos from some of her favorite guitarists. Recently, she’d been focusing on rock gods from twenty years ago. Those guys were easy to find on YouTube and it was fun to watch them playing live.
She was in the zone when she realized she was not alone. She turned around slowly and Gina was standing there crying. She stopped and stared at Gina.
“Oh, Teri. I’m sorry. I fucked up. It seemed like such a good idea and Jenn really was excited. I thought that it was okay with you since she said you’d ventured out with other people, including me. But when you left I suddenly realized what a mess it had become. I’m sorry that I didn’t really think about your feelings.”
Teri gave her a hug. “Stop blaming yourself. You offered to shelve it for another day and I just went along with what Jenn wanted. Just like I’ve just rolled over to do whatever she’s wanted forever. I loved her so much that I wasn’t thinking about myself, just going along for the ride. And suddenly I realized that the whole scene wasn’t what I wanted.”
Gina still sobbed. “Jenn told me that you’d made out with several guys and lusted for them. And she reminded me about you pleasing me on the couch in the old theater. It just sounded like you were up for this.”
Teri set her guitar back in the rack and the two of them went outside. They both sat in chairs facing the forrest. “Yeah, well, I’m not going to defend myself. I was heavily drugged with the first two guys and the third guy, well, I was pretty high, too. You and Jenn are the only women I’ve tried to please. Obviously, I did a satisfactory job with you. But yesterday after listening to Jenn talk, she wanted a lot more than what I could provide her.”
“Do you want to know what happened last night?”
Teri shook her head. “Nah. That’s yesterday’s news and I’m only looking forward. I’ve got to figure out what I want to do.”
Gina looked at her. “What about Jenn?”
Another voice suddenly interrupted their conversation. “Yeah, what about Jenn?”
Teri and Gina both turned to see Jenn standing there. She looked unhappy.
Teri shrugged and looked at Jenn. “Hey. I blame myself for yesterday. I wasn’t in the proper state of mind to romp with you and Gina. Maybe under different circumstances it might have been good. But when you started talking about doing it with groups and trying to be blown away with a sexual adventures, that’s when I realized that I was never going to satisfy you.”
“But….”
Teri held her hand up. “No blame, no fault. You are who you are and I’m whom I am. Until yesterday, I thought I was enough, even with my shortcomings. And I thought loving you was enough. I’ve followed your lead trying to please you.”
“But I’ve watched enough porn to see what happens when several guys all work together to get a woman over the top. And you know what I thought? I couldn’t be one of those guys because my equipment didn’t work even when I was just good, old Terry. And I could never be that woman because my equipment isn’t there. And honestly, I wouldn’t have a clue about how to appreciate mind-blowing sex.”
Teri wiped a tear from her eye. She was still watching Jenn and never realized that Gina had left. “I still love you. But there’s no do overs. What you really want is something I can’t provide. And I realized at that point that I had never been a swinger. You painted a picture for Gina that was a lie. You made it out like I sought out pleasure from guys and Gina. I’m not making excuses. I enjoyed all those encounters, but the only time I initiated anything was with Gina and you’d told me to make her happy. That was the day you called me baby and said that I was yours to give away. You might have been joking, but I felt like a dog.”
“Okay, Jenn. That’s not who I want to be. I’m boring and handicapped in bed. And yesterday I realized that our relationship was never going to be enough for you. It’s important to say the truth out loud and just deal with it. My body doesn’t have to be the elephant in the room. We know that I have nothing to offer you and that my intersex diagnosis is real.”
Teri took a deep breath knowing that this had to be said. “I just hope we can remain good friends. That way, you have no guilt and can be who you want to be.”
Jenn stared at her. She had listened and understood what Teri had said. She had driven out to the band house thinking of all the things she would say to apologize and make it right. She was in love with Teri and all of this was breaking her heart. But part of her still wanted more even though she had trouble admitting it. She knew she’d been a little crazy yesterday and hanging out with Gina only stimulated her fantasies.
As the tears rolled down her face, she nodded. “You’re right. I’m the one who’s fucked up. I will never stop loving you and only wish this whole thing had never happened. But it’s not about your limitations. I never settled or felt unsatisfied with you. But when I heard how you got high and experimented with other people, I was jealous. Sure, I understand how all of that wasn’t in your plans.”
She wiped the tears from her face. Then she lost it. “Fuck you, then. After I’m gone, you’re going to remember all the good times because that’s all we’ve ever had. And I’m going to remember how you did everything in your power to show me your love. I’m going to be heartbroken that I fucked up the best thing I’ve ever had cause I lost my mind for one night. And yes, the sex with Gina was great but afterwards I realized that it wasn’t any better than what you and I have. I’m stupid and foolish. You are the only one I have ever had sex with and now I know that screwing with someone just to screw isn’t like what we had.”
Jenn took a step closer to Teri who stood up. She noticed that her arms were at her sides. “You know. I just wished you could hurt me like I hurt you. I wish we were even so we could start again. I was a horrible person telling you to go out and experience guys, because I thought that there was more out there that I was missing. I’m so fucked up. Maybe I should move closer to my sister and let her hook me up in the adult industry so I can screw my brains out until I don’t have any left. Maybe then, when I’m used up and stupid, I will realize how I gave up the golden ring of happiness with you.”
Teri raised her hand and said, “Stop.”
Jenn stood there letting the tears run down her face. She didn’t want to sob or let her nose start to run, but she knew she was close.
Teri nodded. “I’m not as hurt as you think. I understand your need to experiment. And I experienced that when I was high with the guy in Atlanta. Sure, he didn’t know I was intersex and just thought I was a girl. We’d talked a bunch and then when we got high, I felt like I was in a dream. And when he held me and kissed me, it caused me to melt down and get pretty excited. I liked it.”
Teri stood on the spot. “I get it and well, maybe cause of that guy, I understand how you want more. I will remember all the wonderful times we’ve had and will miss every moment as I move forward. No one likes to be alone and knowing that the most beautiful woman in the world once loved me. I wonder if that will ever happen to me again?”
Jenn sobbed. “Can’t we try? You know I love you and you love me. Why can’t we just move forward and make new rules?”
Teri choked. “What, so you can go out partying and come home after being with someone else? And I’m supposed to just take you back after they filled the needs that I couldn’t. Am I supposed to wonder every time we meet someone new thinking you’re going to want to try this guy or girl out? Am I supposed to hold you after someone else has mauled you and got you off? No, Jenn. I couldn’t do that. But I understand you have different hungers that need to be met.”
Jenn stood there listening to Teri get mad at her.
“Jenn, I’m going to have new rules. I’m going to grow a backbone and be proud of myself. No more pity parties or worrying about whether someone else’s needs are being met. I’m going to stand on my own two feet and do what it takes to make me happy. And if that isn’t enough for another person, so be it. I have a disability but I’m not going to let that run me anymore.”
Jenn cried.
“I free you, Jenn. You can walk away knowing that we are both better than before. And I know you’ll find another person who can truly satisfy you. We both know it’s not me, but that’s nobody’s fault. I know that everyone would jump at the chance to have you in their arms. I know that you’ll have your choice of partners. We can walk our own paths knowing that our time together was golden.”
Jenn stood there. “Oh, fuck. I’m not going to just listen to you talk like what we had wasn’t earth moving. And yes, you are right. I was fucked up thinking that there’s something out there that I was missing. Sure, break up with me and send me away. Stand on your high fuckin’ horse pretending that I have this defect or hunger that I can’t control. Imagine me going out and intensionally hurting you and then coming back to you smelling of sex and somebody else. Fuck you for thinking so little of me. I can learn, you asshole. I can grow. But I want to grow with you. I want us to grow together, not thinking back on what it could have been. You’re a fucking moron. Our sex life has been great and I don’t think anything could top it. But if you want to use this as an excuse to walk away, just go. Be an asshole and just have your own pity party. I have held you and comforted you plenty. I proved my worth to you and now, after I fuck up and want to learn, you’re kicking me the fuck out.”
Jenn walked closer and stared him in the face. “You’re an asshole just like me. You want to write sad songs about the worst breakup in history, go ahead. It won’t be long until you realize that I wanted to make this right. I’m not a quitter and neither are you. I hate you for making this so hard, but I deserve it too.” She leaned in close enough that Teri didn’t see the slap coming.
It hit Teri in the cheek and was hard enough to make her head spin. She immediately grabbed both Jenn’s arms. To keep her from breaking free, she had to twist Jenn around and pull her back into her own body. With her arms wrapped tightly around, Jenn couldn’t move. As Teri felt her relax, she turned her around and kissed her hard on the mouth. She grabbed Jenn’s lower lip with her teeth and did not let go. Finally, Teri released her bite to kiss her hard again thrusting her tongue deep in her mouth. This wasn’t make up love, this was sex. .
Teri dragged her off on the grass and proceeded to ravage her. She squeezed and bit and did not let her up. She tore off Jenn’s clothes and bit her soft flesh with pressure but never breaking the skin. She sucked and kissed and never let her up. Teri never stopped her attack on her lover. She wasn’t punishing her, just taking out all his pent-up fears on her. She knew Jenn wasn’t in pain as her cries got louder and louder as one orgasm after another racked her body. Jenn flailed and gasped, trying her best to gain control. But Teri refused to let her up until she was crying aloud as her body writhed out of control.
When Teri stopped and released her grip, Jenn didn’t move. She just lay there humming and running her fingers through the grass. Finally, she sat up. “Oh, shit, Rock Star. You sent me through the roof. I was so high I know I passed out. That had to be the most momentous time I have ever had.”
Teri nodded. “No more nice girl. From now on, I’m going to ride you like a pony and and put you away wet. Maybe we need to try a little bondage or a lash or two. We’re going to watch fifty shades together and then you’re going to be my slave. You want your world rocked, well, I’m the one who’s going to do it.”
Jenn started crying. “Oh, please don’t think that’s what I want. Sure, it’s nice once in a while, but I want a deep love from you that makes me feel special. I want to be your princess, not your slave.”
Teri knew what she wanted. She never stopped wanting Jenn but tried to cut that part of her out. And she wasn’t standing strong, she was just having anther enormous pity party. “I’m pathetic,” she thought to herself. “I’m such a waste of a person that I should find a hole and crawl in waiting to die.”
Trying to find a solution all she could think, if they started again, when would the next time be? Every time they were separated would she worry that Jenn was out having a sex romp? She knew that after last night, everything had changed. “I don’t know what to do. Sure, I love you and having you back would be the greatest thing ever. But, having you back would cause my brain to just worry until the next time you saw something you wanted. You have no control. You agreed that you were manipulating me so you could get what you want. I can’t live like that. I’m not a character in a short story who get used and manipulated and thrown out with the trash. ”
Jenn stood there. “You know you’re right and wrong at the same time. I would never do anything to break your heart or fuck up what we have. But how do the Cats do it? I get Zoe. She’s been in love with Bruno since forever. And sure, Tiffany was totally destroyed by Mr. Wrong last year and lived like a nun until Mike came into her life. But how can Lisa go from her doctor lover to Smith like changing a tire? I know she said that she and the doc had an understanding, but we’re supposed to believe that she’s engaged and totally going to spend her life with him? Does Smith wonder that sometime she’ll leave him, too? And Gina. She fucks whomever she wants anytime the mood strikes, but she’s in love with Grace. How’s that work? How does Grace take her back?”
Teri shook her head. “Okay, so the way I understand it with Grace and Gina. They both fuck around. They have an open relationship but each one knows the difference between sex and true love. I think Grace understands Gina well, but she’s just more discreet.”
“But how’s that different from your sister fucking some doctor exclusively and just dropping him for Smith. What if Grace or Gina find another person they like better? Where’s the true love then?”
Teri nodded. “You’re right. There’s no guarantees. I think the only guarantee is to remain by yourself and celibate. To survive the loneliness knowing the pain of heartbreak could never happen. We could be married and have kids and still end up getting divorced because we find someone new. There are no guarantees. Yeah, I know about what your dad did to your family. He totally played your mom and you and your sister, using you as pawns with no regard to love.”
“Honestly, Jenn. I don’t know the answer. Maybe we should both just do what we want and grow armor so we don’t get hurt. You see someone you want to fuck, you just go ahead.”
“Right. It’s not just me that screws up. You know, when you came home and told me about the Atlanta guy and how you got high with him and had orgasms when he held you and kissed you, I didn’t fucking scream or yell or play any games. I just tried to understand. And sure, sailor guy and Amos, when you were having rude thoughts, you were doped up. But admit that when you were high, you wanted all sorts of gooey experiences with them.”
“And I never fucking said one word. I just loved you more because you were being honest and loving with me. But you’re going back to Atlanta for the weekend and what if Atlanta guy was to approach you and say he read you were intersex but that didn’t matter cause he can’t stop thinking about him. Whatcha gonna do then? You gonna spread your legs and open your mouth to please him?”
Teri was steaming. “I wish I could slap your mouth closed, but can’t because you’re right. I also lusted for the sound engineer at the underground and was doing flip-flops over her. And the only reason I held back was because I was scared of myself.”
“I don’t know the answer. I just wish I could be all you need and want. I just wish I could keep you satisfied that you’d never want to leave me or think about anyone else. I just wish that you got excited over me cause I could get you excited just by looking at you. That’s a lot of wishes.”
“Deal, Rock Star. You have me whenever you want, anytime you want to make me scream. I want you to exhaust me so there will never be a next time. And if we lust, we need to share those feelings and not bottle them up. And maybe I need to go see someone. Maybe my dad issues need to be shared with a professional. Teri, honestly, I will do anything to keep you.”
Teri picked her up in his arms and kissed her.
Jenn was crying. “Oh, I love you so much and will be the best girl you could ever want. No trips, no games, no manipulating. I promise.”
Teri carried her through into the music room and stood her up on her feet. “I can’t be mean to you and have trouble being mad at you. But if you need a couple of hard smacks on the butt, you have to beg.” With that, Teri took an open hand and smacked her bottom, but not too hard but not too soft.
Jenn grabbed Teri’s hand and led her upstairs. As they walked into their room, she kissed her hard and whispered, “Now, it’s my turn.”
Dear Reader,
Wildcat Summer is available on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Wildcat-Summer-Leslie-Moore-ebook/dp/...
There are many chapters to read in the sample
Leslie
As they stood on the darkened stage looking out and watching the crowd order drinks and talk, Lisa turned around speaking quietly. “So, this is our last night at the place where the Wildcats were born. So many years ago, Robert let us entertain our friends while we found our sound.”
Gina smiled. “Tiny little wildcats with no claws, meowing to be fed, barely having their eyes open. So cute and cuddly.”
Zoe said it straight out, “We need to show these fans how much we appreciate them and love this place. Ideas?”
Tiffany nodded. “Uh, rock it hard for forty-five minutes, no break.”
Zoe smiled. “Yeah. One solid cardio workout of rock. We play hard, telling our friends how much we love them. We intersperse our songs with the hits they always request during whiteboard sessions.”
Gina stood up at her drums. “Yep. Every tune has to be a rocker. We gotta blow them out of their shoes. No breaks, just flood them with music. Ride them hard and put them away wet. Some of you know what I’m saying.” They all turned and stared at Teri.
Once again, Teri felt like their junior. “You know I’m gonna tell my mom you’re all being mean. And she’s gonna call your moms, and you’ll all get punished. Maybe no sweet treats for a week, maybe a month ‘cause you’re all awful!”
Lisa laughed. “You know we all want a big send-off. Maybe this will be our tune-up for Atlanta. We need to sweat a little blood tonight.”
She looked all around. “Okay. So, the usual opener, and then we’ll let the guitars start each song to overlap what we’re finishing up like we used to do with You Really Got Me or Rock and Roll All Night. Tiff, you tell Zoe what you want to do, and I’ll scream it out to Teri. Let’s step back there once in a while and hear what Gina has to say while we’re playing.” Lisa was grinning. “Seriously, we don’t have to introduce ourselves, do we?”
Everyone chuckled.
When Robert walked up on stage to start the show, he smiled. “I adore my Cats. I really do. It’s been a big circle of love that’s reminded me that I need to continue giving local groups a chance to shine like I did with you guys long ago.”
Lisa smiled. “Long ago.” She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.
Robert turned around, and a pin light lit him up. He was grinning from ear to ear. The Wildcats had brought national attention to the Rendezvous; every night, it was sold out. He yelled out like it was a cheer. “Hey, everybody! How about a big cheer for Allentown’s Own Wildcats!”
Gina was already pounding on her drums, and the rest of them were clapping overhead when the big lights found them all up on stage. Gina was in back wearing a silver spandex jumpsuit that was glittery and almost transparent. Zoe was in a corset top made of glittering emeralds. She showed a bare midriff and wore skintight black tights. Tiffany was a goddess in gold. She had on a tight top and tight mid-calf shiny pants. Her four-inch stilettos raised her up over six feet, and all the curls piled on her head only made her more majestic.
Lisa grabbed the mic from the stand and screamed. In her signature red short prom dress, no one could take their eyes off her.
Her sister Teri was in all black tonight. Her thin, shapely body was encased in a series of shiny, wide ribbons skillfully designed to cover the intimate parts of her body, leaving the rest exposed. She wore a pair of low-heeled boots.
When the women complimented her on her look, she shook her head. “Okay, so I promised Barbara from Jersey Girl that I’d try to be more daring and feminine. But this is all too much.”
As the audience didn’t know where to look, Zoe cut loose with an incredible guitar solo that the rock gods would have loved. When Tiffany started playing her bass, Teri started chording the melody. The whole place went wild when Lisa let out a banshee cry to start Run, Run, Gone.
As promised, they played non-stop until their break at 9:45. By the time Lisa yelled out, “Back in fifteen!” Everyone inside the building was breathing hard from dancing. The place went crazy, cheering on their favorite band.
As they all walked off stage and grabbed towels to dry off, Lisa called out, “We’ve got fifteen minutes before we go back on. What shall we do?”
Zoe laughed. “Hey, I don’t know. But I do know that the first set worked. Let’s continue to play hits and some of our stuff, too.”
Gina nodded. “We’ll never get the chance to be this loose again for a while.”
Tiffany frowned. “Oh, I disagree. We need to keep it exciting for us, too. Playing the same stuff each night on this tour will turn us into Zombies.”
Zoe looked at Teri. “Zombies! We should resurrect all the stuff we were going to give to EBR and try it out. That way, we can throw in any new stuff, too. Who knows. We might find time to write while we tour.”
As they opened the second set, Lisa stood at the mic. “We love you, Allentown, more than you can imagine. This is our hometown. Our parents still live here, where we made all our memories. Without you, we’d be nothing. She turned and nodded to Tiffany, who immediately started the bass line to Show Me Some Love.
Naturally, the crowd went wild while they performed a shortened version of their club hit. Everyone cheered when Tiff turned to Teri and spoke. “Oh, Teri. How beautiful you look tonight. Oh, Teri. How delicious you look tonight. I want to unwrap you and eat you alive!”
Teri realized Tiffany was calling her by her real name and had dropped the Tasha part. She thought for a minute and decided that it was perfect. She looked back at Tiffany and purred. “Oh, Tiffany. How beautiful you look tonight. I want to start at your feet and worship you all the way to the top of your head. You are a vision of beauty.”
As the crowd cheered, they all chanted along with Lisa as she said those words,
You can’t lose if you don’ try
If you don’t try, you can’t lose
You gotta give it a try
You gotta give it a shot
She kept repeating the lyrics as the crowd all danced and chanted along with her. The crowd whooped and hollered and screamed and yelled. As they were carrying on, Tiffany walked up to the center of the stage and began playing her bass with a reggae beat. This only meant that they’d be playing their radio hit, Summer Song. As they sang, the crowd sang along with them.
Then, they started all over again with non-stop rock and punk until the second set was finished. Lisa told them they’d return in fifteen minutes and to drink up.
When they reappeared for the last set, Teri came waddling out in her fluffy bunny outfit and grabbed the mic. The pink poodle played bass, the ginger cat was on drums, the red fox and the yellow chick were playing guitars.
They all did their mock heavy metal sound while Teri sung. Everyone sang along
Fur Face,
Fur Face,
Kiss your fuzzy fur face
Love my fluffy bunny slippers
Love my tiny chick
Sweet little puppy,
soft little fox
My cute poodle,
I think you rock
Fur Face,
Fur Face.
Kiss your fuzzy fur face
I love my soft white kitten
Love my pussy, too
Give you hugs,
Give you kisses
Bury my face into your fur
Fur Face,
Fur Face.
Kiss your fuzzy fur face
As Teri sang, everyone sang along. When she reached the line, ‘Bury my face into your fur,’ everyone screamed it out as one.
Then, the beautiful pink poodle slid her bass behind her back and did her rap.
In my arms I’ll squeeze you tightly.
You’re so small, and you’re real needy.
Tug my heart with all your cuteness,
Make me blush, I’ll hold and kiss you
Puppies, kitties, little sheepie.
Love ‘em cause they’re soft and cuddly.
Baby want you in my arms,
holding you and kissing me.
When you’re smiling, I love you more.
Give you kisses and bite your fur.
‘Cause teddy bears and little foxes aren’t
as cute as you can be
That night, when they walked off the stage, the crowd clapped and chanted Wildcats over and over again until the sound system came on, playing Wildcat music from the soundtrack they had recorded there for their first upload to the internet.
As they were packing up, Robert came up and hugged them all. “Best show ever. You sent everyone home smiling and singing their favorite Cat’s song. Our crew will pack you up and lock everything securely until Phil sends a crew for your stuff.”
Robert laughed and handed Lisa a manila envelope. “Here, for old times’ sake. And yes, everything you made this week is being donated, but this is from me. Not much, but it will pay for your dinner tonight. Oh, yeah. Did I mention that we’ve got a room reserved at The Spot for twelve-thirty? I talked the chef into doing something special for you guys tonight.”
Richard found them and grinned. “Now that’s the band I want to take to Atlanta. Your energy levels were so electric. Oh, yeah. The Flower Sisters are bringing their instruments and are ready to play on Saturday for your arena show. Rose said the girls were looking forward to the sound check in the afternoon.”
Lisa was nodding. “What band is going on first to warm up the crowd at our arena show?”
Richard smiled. “No one. You guys sold out twenty thousand seats. Everyone paid bucks to see you women play. Big crowd, lots of music. This should get you all tuned up for your tour while the Cats rock Atlanta.”
All of them were squeezing each other with excitement. “How long should we play on Saturday?”
Phil smiled. “A two-hour show will be okay, but if you can take a pause and come back to rock them for another thirty minutes or more, you will own them forever.”
Teri was nodding. “Easy. We can do that, especially having the Flowers with us. How about if we save them for that last part and play cool songs? We can easily fill two hours of our own stuff and then rock the night with some favorites. We need a big list at this point.”
Tiffany laughed. “For the second half, we return and open with Fur Face. And then we give them Bach, Sam Cooke, Aretha, and whatever we want!”
Lisa was clapping. “Should we end with our single?”
Phil smiled. “It’s singles now. Summer Song and Run, Run, Gone are both being pushed by Warner’s. I think they’re hoping we have five songs on the Billboard top ten before the summer is out.”
Gina laughed. “Okay. Will anyone tell us about this tour and where we’re going?”
Richard shrugged. “I wanted to see how the ticket sales were going in Atlanta first, but now that you have the confidence to headline a solo tour, it’s all up on your website. And yeah, you’ll have the option to include a warmup band before you come out each night while you’re on tour. We can support the young bands.”
Teri was already grabbing at her iPad. She pulled up their website and was looking at the dates. “So we go on the road June 15th and do show a couple of weekdays and weekends every month until the end of August.”
Richard leaned over and pointed out some gaps. “Uh-huh. In big cities, you play for two or three nights, and we also throw in some state fairs and festivals. We’ll do some of the smaller towns for one night and travel to the next place a day later. Bill Wiggins and Gimli have hammered this out. We even built in some three-day gaps for time outs from the road.”
Teri was counting, “Thirty performances.”
Richard smiled, “Right. You’ll each clear a million dollars after all the expenses. Wiggins is backing the tour so that everything will be paid for in advance. And we will hire more road crew, a wardrobe specialist, security, a massage specialist, and merchandise people. Everyone will tour with the band!”
Zoe thought for a minute. “I think we need a food truck and a chef.”
Lisa immediately thought of contacting Jessica Jade for security. “Can we invite Jessica?”
Richard smiled and nodded. “She’s already said yes.”
Teri was still looking at the list of stops. “This is pretty incredible. Will each show be as big as Atlanta?”
Phil smiled. “No. Atlanta-sized arenas are about the maximum you’ll see this time. They’re already putting together a second leg for September until Thanksgiving. It's the same deal: three-day breaks every two weeks to get you off the road. And you’re already booked to do the Christmas show on Saturday Night Live.”
“SNL!” She turned and looked at Zoe. “We need to start working on a Christmas Album!”
Zoe shook her head. “I’ll be heading into my third trimester around Thanksgiving. That will be interesting for my costumes.”
Tiffany nodded. “That’s great! Let everyone see that women have babies and still rock!”
Lisa shook her head in disbelief. “What? No Super Bowl Half-Time Show?”
Richard shrugged. “Warner’s is already talking about two years from now.”
Phil laughed. “Oh, yeah. And you’re going to play at this year’s Grammy Awards. Bill Wiggins says that you guys are up for several nominations. And your song from Chances might get nominated for Best Song at the Oscars.”
“Huh?” Lisa looked puzzled.
“Remember that song you wrote for Chances? The movie comes out on Thanksgiving Day. Teri penned that quick song, and all of you cobbled together. Well, you need to practice it because it will start getting airplay for their trailers in September.”
They all looked at each other. Finally, Gina said, “It was that James Bond sort of thing. I think we played it three times.”
“If that’s all we played it, I wonder if we could practice it and then rerecord it for their soundtrack?”
Phil nodded. “Yep. They’ll take whatever you send them. After all, it’s an exclusive Wildcats song that will only be available on the Chances soundtrack. Oh, yeah. Many of your songs are being remixed as club versions for their album.”
Tiffany laughed. “We’ve become a club dance band, after all. It’s Teri’s fault because she wanted us to record a club song for DJ Blank.”
Then Gina stuck her tongue out at Tiffany. “Yeah, Show Me Some Love, a totally stupid idea!”
“Yeah, nothing at all. Just the beginning of the Wildcats' rise to fame and fortune.” Gina smacked Tiffany on the bicep.
Teri raised her hand. She’d found it on her tablet. “Okay. So, here’s the song we did. It’s all here on the iPad.” She played chords on her guitar and sang the melody.
He was looking down and gasping
at the thin cable at his feet
The shiny wire stretched tightly
He knew it was a path that led him home
Taking a deep breath, he started placing one foot in front of the other
He thought that a wrong breath or blink would send him over the edge.
But there only was one direction to go
Once he started going forward
There was no turning back
There was no time to change his mind or room to turn around
Home was on his mind as he stepped out onto the wire
“It sounds okay. I like how it’s not about the movie but just about the universal need for humankind to go forward. I like that line, no turning back.” Zoe read it over and passed it along.
As Teri played the chords, she sang.
Tiffany gave her a hug. “Sounds good to me. Let’s keep working on it this week. We have the time to give them another recording.”
Lisa nodded. “What should we call it?”
Gina grinned. “A Leap of Faith.”
Teri nodded. “No Turning Back.”
They all cheered.
After packing up, they all walked out into the empty parking lot. They were quietly curious as their shuttle drove them to The Spot, the best restaurant in town. The big sign was dark. As they went through the front doors, everyone they knew was holding a glass of champagne. Teri spotted her mom standing with Conor, Bruno, Mike, Grace, and Jenn. She saw Phil and Richard talking to Robert. Everyone looked like they’d already started drinking as the server brought each a glass and offered trays of snacks, too. They all hugged and greeted each other at this after-hours surprise party. Lisa’s boyfriend Smith appeared from the back stepped up and gave her a hug.
Everyone was talking about the tour until Robert held up his glass. “Folks. This little celebration acknowledges our talented musicians who have put Allentown on the map. Here’s to the beginning of a new journey for our Cats. Finishing up tonight and generously donating all their money to Allentown charities really says a lot about our kids. We’ve watched them grow up and change. We’ve seen and heard an amazing band headed out to conquer the world. So raise your glasses high to The Wildcats!”
Everyone drank champagne and nibbled on little snacks until the doors to the private room opened. At each place setting was a beautiful salad with fruit and cheese. After that course, there was a tiny dish of sherbet to cleanse the palate and then a roasted fish dish with grilled potatoes and fresh green beans on the side.
After everyone finished, they moaned that they couldn’t eat another bite. Then out came a flourless chocolate torte covered in fresh raspberries. Naturally, there was homemade whipped cream and ice cream, too. When they were done, everyone thanked Robert for his generosity and kindness.
Laughing, Lisa handed over her envelope with Robert’s money to pay for the dinner.
Two shuttle buses were heading out, and the Wildcats and their lovers filled one bus. Their bus made a side trip to Bruno’s townhouse and then dropped all the sleepy Wildcats off at their house in the woods.
As Zoe was walking off the bus, she turned and yelled, “Sleep in kittens. No work tomorrow!”
Teri yelled out, “But we’ve got to make a new song for Chances this week!” She was overwhelmed with the loud boos she received from her best friends. “Okay, so maybe on Tuesday?”
Jenn and Teri climbed the steps to the top floor. As they were showering together, Jenn kissed Teri on her mouth. “I love you, Rock Star.”
The next day was Sunday, and Teri woke up early and headed to the music room. She was determined to turn that quick song into a dramatic one. She sat down at the synthesizer and pulled up the piano sliders. Looking over the lyrics, Teri trimmed and substituted new words. Her goal was to change it, add punch, and give the song a mysterious feel. She wanted to make it more universal and tightened it up
Looking down
at the thin cable
Stretched tight out in the night
The path to home
One foot in front of the other
A breath, a blink
Only one way to go
One foot in front of the other
A breath, a blink
Only one way to go
A deep breath
Stepping off
Never looking down
Just focusing ahead
One foot in front of the other
A breath, a blink
Only one way to go
One foot in front of the other
A breath, a blink
Only one way to go
Once you start
There’s no going back
No changing your mind
No turning around
One foot in front of the other
The only one way to go home
When she had finished the words, she tried to create a melody to accompany it. It wasn’t long before a sleepy-eyed girlfriend was sitting next to her. Teri looked over to see Jenn wrapped in their comforter. She still looked sleepy but quite content. “Sing it to me, Rock Star.”
Teri smiled and began to play. As she did, she realized that this song would fit perfectly into her quest to find something they could do on stage to replace Paint It Black and the Bach piece. As she played and sang, she could sense where Lisa would start to sing and how it could morph into a real heavy rock song.
She stopped and kissed Jenn hard on the mouth. She grabbed Teri’s head and hungrily kissed her back. She pointed to the sheet music. “Where’d that come from?”
Teri smiled. “This is the core of a new song for the movie Chances that we did a while back I hope the band likes it enough to keep working on it with me.”
Jenn moved to sit in her lap. She whispered in Teri’s ear. “Of course, they will because they love you and the song, too. But I have a serious problem, Rock Star. I need your help. I’ve lost all my clothes and don’t know what to do.”
Dear Readers,
If you’re reading A Wildcat Summer, you know we’ve reached the halfway point in the story. I need to pause and say thanks to the wonderful people who work behind the scenes to keep everything going here at BigCloset.
Without their support there never would have been The Wildcats. After seven years of posting here, I just hope you remember them as you empty your pockets into the change jar every night.
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Part Two
Chapter Fourteen
“Here, take it.” Tiffany tried it pass a joint on to Zoe. She waved it off and Lisa reached around and took it.
Tiffany looked at her best friend. “Oh, that’s right. You’re not getting high, are you?”
Zoe grinned and drank from her water bottle. “Nope. Remember, I’m pregnant.”
Tiffany shook her head. “Sorry, I’m high and I forgot.”
Gina laughed. “You could use that excuse all the time. ‘Sorry, I’m high and I forgot. ‘Blown Away Barbie,’ weed and wine not included.”’
Tiffany shook her head. “Oh, fuck you, Miss High and Mighty. Just cause I’m not some scholar like you. I’d rather be me, all beautiful and caring. I’ll take me over you any day. You’re nothing but a little fat turd with nose hairs and chin whiskers.”
Gina laughed. “Have you been practicing that one as you stare at yourself in the mirror each morning? Do you have to say it out loud and then write it down just to correct it?”
Tiffany was turning red. “Hey, not everybody can just roll wise-assed stuff from their brain to their tongue. Some of us are poets and just want things to be perfect.”
“C’mon, Barbie. You gotta do better than that. Do you want some help insulting me?”
“And what would you say, Miss Perfect?”
“Well, maybe we could talk about my perfect figure and my beautiful hair. Or we could talk about my talents and skills.”
Tiffany paused, then shook her head. “Hey, those aren’t insults!”
“Oh, that’s right,” she mimicked. I forgot what we were doing ‘cause I’m too high!”
Tiffany looked around at everyone wiping tears from their eyes. Suddenly, she held her face in her hand, and said quietly. “You’re right. I am a stupid, no-good person, and Mike is going to find somebody perfect and leave me behind.” Then, she bent over at her waist and sat there crying silently to herself.
The other Wildcats looked at each other and frowned. Nobody wanted to hurt her, but it looked like that’s what they’d done. Gina stood up from her chaise and walked over. “I’m sorry, Tiff. I thought we were just having fun. I apologize for making fun of you. Please, don’t get upset.”
Tiffany sat up and stared at her. She had no tears on her face. Instead, she had a huge grin. “Upset? How could a pimple on my ass upset me? I just ignore anything you say to me, you toad!”
Realizing that Tiffany had gotten the upper hand over Gina made them all smile and break into applause.
Teri looked away from the scene Tif and Gina were creating and looked at Zoe. “Are you going to be alright being pregnant on this tour and everything?”
Zoe smiled. “Sure. I’m doing all the right things and I’m even sitting upwind from the smoke. I’m taking special vitamins, still running with you guys every day, and it’s all good. I see my doctor and she told me that I can do everything I’m doing now right up until I can’t do it anymore.”
Teri shook her head. “I mean, I can’t even tell you’re pregnant.”
Zoe stood up and moved close to her. She took Teri’s hands and guided them to her belly. “Feel my little baby bump. That’s my body preparing a nest so when the baby grows big, they’ll be room for it to fit.”
Teri shook her head. “That’s just so crazy. I’ve never been around a pregnant woman before. Is that why we’re having a trainer, a masseuse, and a food truck for the tour?”
Lisa laughed and shook her head. “The trainer knows first aid and was an EMT. She’d also a licensed masseuse. The food truck will shop daily and provide fresh, healthy meals for us and the crew. So those expenses will pay off when we don’t get sick or feel bad because of something we ate. It’s a win-win.”
Teri turned to Lisa who had been listening. “What will those things cost us, sis?”
Lisa patted the side of Teri’s face and smiled. “Don’t worry. It’s not going to take away from your million-dollar payoff.”
Tiffany looked at Zoe. “Speaking of payoffs, Zoe’s baby starts out life as a millionaire. Seriously, Zoe gets a million buck payoff from touring, Bruno already has millions of dollars, and Conor has millions and millions of dollars. This baby is going to be the Prince of the Wildcats.”
Zoe laughed. “Or maybe, the Princess of the Wildcats.”
They all watched Tiffany refill her glass of white wine from the ice bucket she had by her feet. Lisa smiled. “Before Tiffany becomes incoherent, can we talk about Atlanta and our song list?”
Everyone nodded and watched as Teri raised her hand. “Uh, I have an idea. Well, several, but one at a time, right?”
Gina laughed. “Okay, Mozart. No moans or groans. Spill the beans.”
Tiffany said, “Oh, I had that game when I was little. Or was it Monkeys in a Barrel?”
“Well, I was thinking since this is our night and we can take our time warming this crowd up. Right?” She waited until everyone nodded. They were all used to Teri ideas and looked forward to them. Without a doubt, young Teri had brought a huge amount of energy to the band.
“Well, I saw some old reels of Jimi Hendrix performing live. He’d start out with a blues song that would get everyone’s attention. Once he finished that, he’d roll into the good stuff.”
Gina smiled. “I see your logic. We open with “Two-Thirty Blues” and then go into “Run, Run, Gone!””
Lisa was smiling. “Sure. All these people will have watched or heard all our stuff by now and expect Run to be our opener. This way, they can watch our talented musicians play the blues before we take their heads off. Ya got my vote.”
Everybody was smiling.
Then they turned back to Teri to hear her speak.
“Since we already agreed to have the Flowers in the second half of the show, I think we should make it a real second half. Kinda take a break like an intermission and then come back to slowly wow them. You know, for the second half, we can open with Fur Face, and do our Bach piece integrated with Chances. Then, everybody will watch as the Flowers come out on stage to help us with Summer Song and the tag where Iris sings her church ref. After that, we can do the B-52’s, Aretha, and Sam Cooke all with horns.”
“I vote for Stevie Wonder and Sly.”
“How about Prince?”
Tiffany smiled. “I want to do more. Really just funk it up.”
“Yeah, those would all work. More time with the Flowers, more variety for the crowd. Where we going to stick “Show Me Some Love?””
Tiffany stood up. “We can close out the first set with it as we go to black.’
Lisa listened than said, “I think we should end the second set with it.”
Tiffany was grinning. “A voice can say, The Wildcats will be back after a brief intermission. This will give us time to regroup, get our furry suits out, and play Fur Face. And then we can introduce the Flowers.”
Gina smiled. “And you know they’re going to want an encore. Shall we save the B-52s and Aretha for our encore?”
Lisa was clapping. “I suggest that we write down all our songs on the tablet so that we have some things to call out and play. I do like the idea of the first set being ninety minutes and the second set another ninety minutes. We can get a feel for this on Saturday night in Atlanta and perfect it on our first stop.”
“Wow. That’s a pretty big workout. Three hours?”
Lisa nodded. “I know we can handle it. The nice thing is that we don’t have to hurry our songs, more time to solo.”
Tiffany looked up. “Where’s our first stop?”
Teri looked at their schedule. “At the beginning of June we are booked for two music festivals, one in New Jersey and another in New York. And then we’re in Chicago for three nights, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. After that, it looks like we make several one and two night shows a week until July. There’s a ton of festivals back-to-back we might want to play.”
Tiffany yelled out. “And we get a bus!”
After that, it was a quote-out contest from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation starting with, “Yep. That there is an RV. I borrowed it off a buddy of mine.”
“Why is the carpet so wet, Todd?”
“It’s a bit nipply out here.”
“Shitter’s full, Clark.”
“Snot’s just yakkin on a bone.”
“Save the neck for me, Clark!”
“Is Rusty still in the Navy?”
Later, Jenn found Teri asleep on the bed. She shook her and when she rolled over, her eyes were all bloodshot. “Hey, what’s up, Rock Star?”
Teri had to wipe the sleep from her eyes. After getting high, she’d gone upstairs to write some lyrics. “Oh, hi. We were celebrating finishing up the recording of Chances for the movie. You know, the band gets a few cents whenever they show the promo.”
“So you guys all got stoned?”
“Well, except for Zoe. She’s already getting into shape for the baby. But Tiffany killed a half bottle of wine, too.”
Jenn shook her head. “How does she get up in the morning?”
Teri grinned. “It’s the funniest thing how she still leads us running every morning. She might be hung over, but the whole time we run, she curses at Gina. And of course, Gina just laughs at her. They really are a pair. Did you know they were together for four years riding across country in the old van?”
“Is that the same old rust heap that’s parked out by the tool shed?”
“Yeah. They want to save it for an album cover.”
Jenn shook her head. “They should take the photos now and then put it out of its misery.” She smiled and looked Teri over. C’mon. I’ll take you out to dinner. You look homeless.”
As Teri cleaned up and got dressed, she still talked. “Well, we did find out we have a bus on some legs of our tour, especially when we’re playing music festivals. And our first big show stop is in Chicago for two of three nights. Richard says they always leave another day available if the tickets sell out quickly.”
Jenn nodded. “The Wildcats have become part of a big money making machine. You need to talk to Smith. EBR were chewed up and spit up.”
“Well, I think that’s what the women were all hoping would happen. But I don’t think that’s going to happen to us. I trust Bill Wiggins and Gimli.”
“Yep, I was looking at your schedule on your website. There’s a lot of places when I can come out and share a hotel with you for a couple days at a time.”
“Wait, Jenn. You’re not going to go everywhere with us?”
“Nope. It looks like it’s just the Wildcats. You know, besides playing at night, you’re going to be working a lot in the daytime.”
“Huh?”
“Interviews, public appearances, signings. And people are going to win tickets to go backstage before your shows and they’re going to have crowds sit in on your sound checks, too. You’ll be busy.”
Teri shrugged. “Yeah. I never thought about all of that. But we’re being well paid.”
“Yep. There’s that.” Jenn grabbed her hand and the two of them slipped out to get a healthy dinner.
Saturday night, Teri stood in the wings of the big stage. She’d watched five people climb ropes so they could work the overhead spotlights. Once they were twenty feet in the air, they pulled up their rope ladders behind them.
Zoe was watching with her. “Pretty cool, huh?”
Teri nodded. “We should add lines to Chances about singing high in the air.”
They both peeked out at the crowd. The arena was packed. She could see just walls of faces everywhere.
A group of people approached them. They were dressed in all black with a tag that said ‘stage.’
One of the women smiled and stuck out her hand. “Hi, I’m Lucy. Our jobs are to get you to your spot on stage. There are some big cables in the back out there, so we don’t want an accident.”
As they were picking up their instruments, Zoe reached over and gave Teri a hug. “Have a great time. Enjoy tonight. Make the most of it.”
Teri looked at Zoe and smiled. “So, tonight there are six Wildcats. Your baby is going on tour, too.”
When they walked out on stage, each musician was escorted out to their spot by a stagehand holding a small pocket flashlight with a red gel on it. Teri placed her free hand on the woman’s shoulder who led her out.
What she noticed immediately was the hum of thousands of people talking. It was a sound she’d never heard before. She strapped on her guitar and touched the strings. She heard the low thrum of her guitar resonating with her speakers. Teri had a single amp head resting on four more. They were all hooked up to three six-foot tall Marshall speakers. When they’d had a sound check that afternoon with the Flower Sisters, she was surprised how much power it took to properly drive those big speakers to their full capacity.
They’d spent ten minutes catching up with the Flower sisters. Lily, Rose, and Iris were the most talented brass musicians they knew and were happy to include them in the live part of the album they’d recorded at the French Town Festival in New Orleans.
Teri stood there watching everyone find their places out on the stage. After they were settled, Zoe started playing. When a single spot found Zoe, the audience all started cheering. All eyes were on Zoe who was playing a slow blues guitar solo. The clean sound of her playing held the crowd’s attention.
After sixteen bars, Gina began drumming, and then Tiffany came in with her bass. Now there were three spotlights showing each woman playing. Before long, the tall blonde looked back at Gina and like a well-oiled machine, they picked up the pace from a walking blues to something faster, a Chicago style. That’s when Teri came in. The spotlight found her using a glass slide on her left forefinger to add a different layer to the song. Now, for her, it was all about bending strings and playing under Zoe’s solo which hadn’t stopped.
A light appeared in the middle of the stage and found Lisa holding onto the mic stand, singing the lyrics to “2:30 Blues,” Teri’s ode to last period study hall. While that time slot gave all the jocks at Allentown High School a chance to get changed and get on their sports bus, the geeks and nerds were herded into afternoon study hall trying to amuse themselves without talking or violating the code of conduct.
Lisa started signing in a mournful deep throated Bessie Smith style. If you knew the words, you couldn’t help but chuckle.
Climbing up my butt and dragging on my heels
Holding me back
hearing brakes squeal
Slowing me down by weighing on my mind
Keeping me chained
and wasting my time
I’ve got the two-thirty blues, baby.
Can’t seem to shake them off my mind.
Those two-thirty blues, baby.
And I get them all the time.
Count those minutes down, honey
Because I can’t wait
The clocks seem to slow
I’m starting to faint
Watchin’ the minute hand come to a stop
Times moving slower now I just wanna drop
I’ve got the two-thirty blues, baby.
Can’t seem to shake them off my mind.
Those two-thirty blues, baby.
Well, I get them all the time.
As each guitar took a solo, the crowd was clapping along with the song as it continued to rock out.
But then, Gina started pounding her drums upping the sound from a lazy blues to something heavier. It was not even close the slower rhythm they’d be playing. As she took over everyone else stopped playing. The other four Wildcats all walked to the front of the stage, holding their hands over their heads, clapping along with Gina’s pounding.
Suddenly, Zoe turned up her guitar and ripped a hard rock solo that shredded her strings. Everybody came to their feet, screaming and applauding. Then, the whole arena joined in clapping together, one beat, one rhythm.
Tiffany started to play a bass line that sent the whole place cheering. No-one could take their eyes off the tall blonde skillfully taking their sound to a higher level
Until Teri who was still clapping, now swung her guitar around and started to make it moan. Everyone watched as the sound of the guitar matched the young woman and she continued to use her glass slide and hold the notes. After she’d reach a crescendo, she’d resume chording with her right arm swinging pendulum style.
At this point, Lisa came up to the mic and screamed so loudly that her sound cut through all the noise that the band was making. After everyone’s eyes were on her, she began singing the lyrics to “Run, Run, Gone!” until everyone was singing along.
When they got to the chorus, everybody in the band would scream out Run! They all encouraged the audience to join in and shout with them.
After they played the complete song, Zoe wowed them with another masterful solo that would usually bring the song to an end. Instead, as they were ready to wind down, Teri started the chording the music to Downward Spiral and the song began. From that point, the Wildcats played one song after another with no break for thirty minutes. They were keeping the crowd clapping and dancing to the amazing beats that Gina would lay down. Thirty minutes of singing and playing non-stop had turned their concert into a dance party.
When they finally stopped, Lisa walked to the front and yelled, “Hello Atlanta! How Y’all doin’ tonight!?”
This brought a roar from the audience who had not stopped clapping and dancing since they’d started playing.
Lisa waved and did a 360º twirl sending her red dress spinning around. “I’m Lisa. Over the years, we’ve played throughout the south, but when we played at The Underground, I fell in love. We had so much fun and were tempted to take a few of your beautiful men home with us. Unfortunately, the women lassoed them back before we could temp ‘em with our northern love.”
Everyone was smiling and laughing. “So, we’re back again looking to trap some handsome, broad-shouldered, strong jawed lover boys who can satisfy Tiffany’s needs. Oh, yeah, speaking about that, let me introduce you to the Wildcats. Sitting back there, looking beautiful in her blue skintight spandex is our drummer, Gina! Gina likes roller derby and wants a man who can check her hard enough to knock her off her feet. Right, Gina?”
Gina had heard this nonsense for the past four years and smiled and pounded her drums in response.
Then Lisa turned and smiled. “Oh. And let’s see. Over there looking tall and blonde and beautiful tonight is Tiffany in her gold! I warn you, boys. Tiffany likes a party. As a matter of fact, she is the party and always likes to have a few spare men on hand in case there’s a blowout.”
All the guys yell and clap while getting dirty looks from their dates.
Lisa pauses. “So don’t be surprised if you’re handed a Golden Ticket tonight from Tiffany. Our gal is wearing a golden jumpsuit and four-inch stilettos, but don’t be afraid. She’s not interested in your jump shot. Right?”
As the crowd roared their approval as Tiffany curtsied, Lisa pointed to Zoe. “Now, men. You’ve already watched our lead guitarist, Zoe performs. You’ll be warned to know that she’s as intense as her solos. Any guy that Zoe picks out tonight has to have a full physical before they can be cleared to meet and greet our Zoe, who is wearing a white tuxedo top and sparkly green tights. Isn’t she just a dream with her flaming red hair and a personality to match?”
At this point, Teri waked over and snatched the mic from her sister’s hand. As she held it high in the air, Lisa playfully tried to jump for it, but Teri was two inches taller. As Lisa gave up trying to get it back, Teri spoke. “Hi, Hotlanta! I’m Teri and I had to interrupt my talkative sister and tell you about that vision in red standing right next to me. Now, my sister, Lisa, is dressed for a party in her beautiful mini dress because she is all of that and more. And that’s really the problem we have to face every time we play. No one has ever, and I mean ever, been able to last a night with my big sister. Sure, you say, a pretty blonde who seems so nice, what could go wrong? Believe me when I tell you that Lisa is so powerful that she sucks the blood out of vampires. Every one of those walking dead know her portrait because she’s in every vampire post office throughout their world. Last warning, boys. Watch out for those fangs!”
As Teri went to put the mic back in the stand, Lisa stood there expressing anger. Teri pretended to ignore her sister and finally said, “And, oh yeah. I’m Teri, Lisa Nelson’s little sister. My mom says I’m too young to date, but what does she know, right?”
With that, Teri turned her guitar around and began the intro to Jimi Hendrix “Foxy Lady.” Her guitar roared as she played hard and loud. As she did, Tiffany started in on her bass. Pretty soon, Gina slammed down her drums and joined in on the power trio. Teri approached the mic and surprised the audience when she was able to sing as clearly and as well as Lisa. As she sang, “You know, you’re a cute little heartbreaker” she grabbed the mic stand and pointed it out into the audience as everyone sang back, “Foxy Lady.”
The trio played all the way through the song as Teri demonstrated that she could handle Jimi and rev it up. When it was done, everyone’s cheering was drowned out with Zoe’s intro to another Wildcat original, “Electric Cars.”
And that’s the way it went for another hour. They didn’t give the audience a chance to breath as their catchy beats and beautiful harmonies kept everything going. At ninety minutes, the Wildcats took a break. Lisa yelled out, “We’ll be back. Plenty of time to get another drink. See you in fifteen minutes.”
As they walked off the stage, any fears they had of having to fight to handle the big crowd were gone. When they all reached back stage, they stood together with a group hug. They were laughing and talking until Zoe said, “Bitches, we own this place! I’m going to need four men to help me carry my guitar back to my hotel!”
Teri knew they were all kidding around, but she was feeling confused. She had never been this high. She worried that she’d probably lose control on the first warm body that gave her a hug.
She immediately knew it was time to kiss Jenn, seriously hydrate, and find a candy bar.
Before she had a chance to look around, a blur wrapped Teri into her arms, hugging and kissing her. “Oh, Rock Star! You guys are incredible tonight. You’ve never sounded so tight and wonderful. Everything was perfect.
They both heard a deep voice laugh and call out. “You’re right, Jenn. Your girlfriend is a rock star.!”
Turning to look, they saw Gimli and Bill Wiggins standing there. There were smiles all around. Gimli laughed. “Now, Teri. Do have any more doubts about the Wildcats filling an arena?”
Teri carefully answered. “Well, I don’t have any doubts that you can fill an arena for the Wildcats.”
Bill Wiggins laughed. “Good answer, Teri. And that’s why Gimli is going to be the advance man for the rest of the summer. He’s going to make sure that everywhere you go will be sold out!”
By that time, the other Wildcats had come over with their lovers in tow. After introductions, Bill Wiggins spoke. “We are witnessing a phenomenon here. Two months ago, I bet my job that these ladies would become the next supergroup. Fortunately, I can still recognize talent before everyone else. And that’s why the Wildcats get the best treatment from Warner’s Records.”
To start the second half, the Wildcats came out on stage in their Furries outfits. The whole place rose to their feet screaming “Fur Face.” No one in the audience knew that their famous costumes had started as an inside joke with Barbara of Jersey Girls, their wardrobe outfitter.
Because everyone else was communicating well with their clothing designer, Tiffany started getting frustrated. All this guy wanted to do was keep dressing her in were furs and leather like Eskimo Barbie. She kept saying that she wasn’t from Sweden but from New Jersey. She needed something more, but unfortunately, her man wasn’t listening.
And when they were all eating together, Tiffany was sharing her grievances with Barbara. Her designer heard that and made some nasty remarks about Tiffany’s body not measuring up to his designs. Barbara fired him and Tiffany was given designers who would listen.
But when the group discovered Tiffany’s designer secretly had a furry fetish, that sealed the deal. They all decided to dress as furries for one show. Gina had always called Teri her hunny-bunny, so naturally she was dressed as a cute little rabbit with long ears and a big white cotton tail. Zoe opted for a red fox with a big tail to match her flaming red hair. Gina chose a white cat, but Tiffany insisted that she resemble Garfield and be a fat tabby. Lisa said she’d like to be a cute yellow chick and naturally Tiffany had to be a pink poodle because that’s all her original designer dressed her in was fur and pink.
Teri wrote a faux heavy metal song and Fur Face became a multi-million viewed reel on Instagram and TikTok. It was even played on the Today Show.
After singing their slightly R rated lyrics, Tiffany did her rap along with half the people in the audience. As they were finishing up, everyone was riding the “Fur Face” wave along with them.
After that, the stage went to black. It came back to a single spotlight revealing Teri playing the piano. It was the introduction to Bach’s Cello and Piano Suite. As she played, it was obvious she’d had lots of lessons in her youth. As everyone’s eyes were on Teri, Tiffany carried out her electric cello and sat down on a small stool. Once a second spotlight found her, no one could take their eyes from the majestic beauty with her legs wrapped around her twenty-first century instrument. The band humorously referred to this segment as the Revenge of the Blondes, which is what they called their strange showstopper. Common sense told all bands that you never stop the momentum by doing a ballad.
The audience grew quiet listening to every note that came from her cello. Teri and Tiffany dueled with the Bach piece as another spotlight found Lisa sitting on a stool between them. Teri and Tiffany switched from Bach to the introduction to their song, Chances. Lisa started to sing slowly and mournfully.
Looking down at the thin cable
Stretched tight out in the night
It was the path to home
One foot in front of the other
A breath, a blink
Only one way to go
One foot in front of the other
A breath, a blink
Only one way to go
A deep breath stepping off
Never looking down just focusing ahead
One foot in front of the other
A breath, a blink
Only one way to go
One foot in front of the other
A breath, a blink
Only one way to go
Once you start, there’s no going back
No changing your mind, no turning around
One foot in front of the other
The only one way to go home
As the music continued, Zoe started a Hendrix style feedback solo that built in intensity until Gina started pounding on her drums. Everyone was watching Zoe and never saw Tiffany leave her cello in its stand as she picked up her bass. Now, the Wildcats were playing an upbeat version of Chances with Teri on the synthesizer, Gina on the drums, and Tiffany on her bass, as Lisa ripped loose with a passionate delivery of the same song.
But as they were playing the song through again, each musician stopped until it was just Zoe noodling on her guitar. Then she stopped and the light went out. But Tiffany’s cello filled the arena. The spotlight went on and found her playing the end of the Suite as the crowd roared its approval.
A minute later the rest of the Wildcats appeared walking over to their amplifiers and speakers. As they did, three beautiful women mounted a riser behind Teri. Each one carried two horns. They all set one of their brass into a rack and readied themselves to play.
Everyone watched Gina as she counted off. Teri was at the Hammond organ and Lisa was center stage. Two of the Flower Sisters held a trumpet and a sax. The third sister, Iris, had her own microphone and was joining Lisa at center stage.
Everyone on stage began to stamp their feet, and clap their hands until the whole audience joined in. Each Wildcat began shouting, “Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey!”
As everyone clapped and yelled ‘Hey,’ Lisa began to sing, “Beat is gettin’ stronger.
Iris sang, “Music gettin’ longer, too,”
Then it was Teri’s turn, and she sang loudly, “Music is flashin’ me”
Everybody in the band yelled “Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Now Iris took the lead and sang,” I want to, I want to, I want to take you higher!”
Now, it was Teri’s turn as she sang, “I want to, I want to, I want to take you higher!”
Then Lisa sang out, “Baby, baby, baby, light my fire.”
All three vocalists sang, “I wanna take you higher!”
Then, the entire band sang, “Boom laka-laka-laka, Boom laka-laka-goon-ka boom.”
Then, they did it all again with the horns blasting, the slap bass making them all stamp their feet, and the guitar and organ giving them the melody. They all took turns singing Sly and The Family Stone’s hit, “I Want To Take You Higher.”
From there, they went right into the intro to Prince’s song, “Kiss” which included all the brass and musicians pumping up the beat. No one noticed that Tiff had handed off her bass to Zoe until Tiffany stood at her mic and in the prettiest voice sang, “Don’t have to be beautiful to turn me on!”
Since the audience had not seen Tiffany sing solo the crowd went wild. And it didn’t hurt that she was dancing the whole time. Everyone was mesmerized by her singing and dancing as she shouted out, “everybody sing with me!”
And everybody did, “You don’t have to rich to be my girl, you don’t have to be cool to rule my world,” finishing up with “I just want your extra time and your KISS!”
As they sang out the song, Tiffany stood at her mic and waved as the audience cheered.
As she waved, the band did the intro to “Pink Cadillac,” a song made famous by Aretha Franklin. While all three Flower sisters played their horns, Lisa had moved over to the Hammond organ. Zoe played the song on her guitar. while Teri covered the bass. Tiffany sang.
Everyone in the audience realized that each musician was able to play different instruments and sing without missing a beat. They were mesmerized.
As the song came to an end, the band started the intro to “Respect” and once again Tiffany sang the lead. As they finished the song, Tiffany went to get her bass back from Teri. But Teri smiled and wagged her finger, no. Then she started the play the bass intro to the B-52’s “Love Shack.”
As Tiffany sang the song with everyone’s help, she also did all the old dances that this song was a homage to. The crowd couldn’t get enough as Tiffany did the Frug, the Twist, the Swim, the Pony, and all the corny dances that had sprung up long ago. They were all singing along with the chorus and when the song was over, everyone gave Tiffany a standing ovation.
Tiffany acted like she just won Miss America as she paraded around throwing kisses to the crowd.
Lisa thanked them for their enthusiasm. “And now, we all want to do our version of Sam Cooke’s “A Change If Going To Come.””
As Lisa sang the slow ballad, the band played behind her.
I was born by the river in a little tent
Oh, and just like the river,
I’ve been running ever since.
It’s been a long, a long time comin’
But I know a change is gonna come.
Oh, yes it will.
In the middle of the song, Teri walked up to the front and start to play the melody with the traditional vibrato guitar as it was written into the song. As she played, everyone else in the band stopped and watched.
Teri went back and played the melody, then she’d riff on it. Then she played more of the song and riff on that. The third time, she didn’t stop her riff. Instead, she played a guitar solo that just floated away on its own.
It was a long solo that incorporated feedback, and the harpsichord sound you get when you play the fret board with all ten fingers. She used more feedback and layered her solo by using a loop machine that could repeat what she played. Before the audience realized what was happing, Teri had layers upon layers of guitar solos playing all at once.
As she played, her body seemed to be connected to her guitar. She swayed and bent and then stood up as tall as she could.
People would later say they heard so much in her solo. In Teri’s music they imaged hearing protestors marching, police sirens, dogs barking, and momma’s crying over their lost children. They’d say they heard a church choir and angels until finally they heard a thunderstorm and thousands of rain drops falling.
The audience seemed to be holding their breath during Teri’s solo and not a sound could be heard in the large arena.
When Teri returned to playing the vibrato guitar written for the song, Lisa finished singing it. The audience just stood there silently as Teri walked back to her spot on the stage.
Suddenly, the dams broke loose, and the entire place went wild. They’d never seen or heard anything like that before and would talk about it together after the show. But in the meantime, they all roared their approval, clapping and stamping their feet, crying out the words Teri, Teri, Teri! When one of the cameras on stage got a close-up of Teri, no one could miss the tears streaming from her smiling face on the large projector screens on each side of the stage.
Lisa let the applause go on for a while before she thanked everybody for their contribution as the best audience, they’d ever hand. “You guys are great, and we’d like to thank you by playing a song they’re playing on the radio, “Summer Song.”
Everyone watched Tiffany come out and play the island style reggae bass that was the signature of this song. Soon, everyone had started to play the song. Lisa was playing Teri’s guitar, while she sat at the Hammond organ. When they band started singing the words, the whole audience joined in, while swaying the beat.
As Summer Song was about to end, Teri started playing a church choir organ and Zoe started banging out a counter melody on their piano. As they did, all the voices on the stage joined in singing the last verse of “Summer Song” turning into a church revival. It was like they’d found the happiness at the beach and went straight to heaven.
This was not on the record and was just a free form version that they’d cobbled up for fun. As they were applauding, Tiffany started playing a familiar bass line if you knew the Wildcats songs. As she played, all the rest of the band played the hypnotic rhythm, Tiffany crooned out, “Oh, Teri, you look so beautiful tonight. Oh, Teri, you sang so beautifully tonight. Oh, Teri. I want to hold you tonight.”
As the crowd cheered, Teri went up to her mic and looked at Tiffany. All she did was breath out and back slowly like she was making a pornographic phone call. Finally, she started saying “Oh, Tiffany. Oh, Tiffany” as the crowd started to cheer.
When Lisa chanted the lyrics to Show Me Some Love, everyone chanted along. When she raised her voice, everyone raised their voices, too. When the lyrics changed, everyone followed along.
As they reached the psychedelic portion of the song, both Teri and Zoe went out on their own tangent using feedback to move the song along.
Finally, they came back to Lisa chanting, repeatedly. As the neared the end, she yelled out, “You know what to do! Atlanta show us some love!”
And with that, the audience stood up and cheered. When it was over, everyone was gasping for air. Twenty-thousand people had never had this much fun together. The Wildcats left a big impression that night.
As they walked off the stage waving and blowing kisses to the twenty thousand people who’d been listening for over two hours, they gave a lot of love to the Flower Sisters. Everyone was telling the sisters they had to think about giving up their real lives and coming on tour with them. Tiffany even offered to get them their own bus.
When it was all over, Teri was sitting on an empty couch staring off into space. She had used several towels to dry herself off and loose the stage makeup. Now, all she wore was a little mascara. As she sat there, she felt a familiar body sit next to her to her. She turned and there was the love of life. She reached out and pulled Jenn in close to her body.
As she did, Jenn laughed. “Oh, you are soaking wet. You sweated through all your clothes tonight.”
Teri laughed. “Uh-huh. We gave it all we had. It was a milestone for us.”
Jenn whispered in her ear. “Rock Star, how much did you make tonight?”
Teri shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe like seventy to a hundred thousand.”
“Just you?”
Teri nodded. She was thinking about how last winter she was struggling to find enough money for college tuition.
As Richard called them all together, he announced that there were coach buses out back to take them all to dinner. “We’ll be leaving in a few minutes.”
As they all stood up, Teri looked at Jenn. “Remind me to take a clean set of clothes for after the show. And lots of towels.”
Jenn smiled and saluted. “Aye, aye, my captain.
No one did anything on Sunday afternoon after they returned to Allentown. As their energy came back, Richard sought everyone out on Monday. “Okay. So, congratulations on a great Saturday night. We’ve collected all the reviews from the local music critics and printed them out for your scrapbook. A year from now, you’re going to look back and smile when you realized that our Atlanta concert raised the band up to the big show.”
He smiled as he got out a list on his iPad. “Here’s what’s coming up. Barbara wants to get the Cats down into Philly for a summer wardrobe design meet-up. She wants to make sure you’re always wearing Jersey Girl on and off the stage. She said they’d be bringing in a new wardrobe for each musician every week from now until the end of the summer. They’ll collect the laundry and see that everything gets cleaned and mended before it gets back to the tour.”
Lisa laughed. “She’s trying to stay on our good side because we renegotiate her contract in August. She knows she’s going to pay bigger bucks to outfit all of us.”
Teri laughed. “Heck. She even wants Jenn to come in and get her own designer, too. She said that would be a gift to us.”
Richard laughed. “Speaking of sponsors, Glow wants us in New York for a day. So that might have to be sooner than later since Gimli is booking music festivals for the band. Festivals are simple. We fly to an airport, bus in to the festival, do 60-to-90-minute show, then bus out. Wiggins is high on those because of the exposure for your new album. I assured him that all the songs from the album will be played at each show.”
Gina laughed. “That’s easy because we don’t have any more songs to play until Teri and Zoe write us some new ones.”
“Well, we did “Chances” this week and we were successful tying that into the Revenge Of The Blondes.”
Lisa looked around. “Well, folks. It looks like tour is officially starting.
Dear Reader,
Wildcat Summer is available on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Wildcat-Summer-Leslie-Moore-ebook/dp/...
There are many chapters to read in the sample
Leslie
Dear Reader,
Wildcat Summer is available on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Wildcat-Summer-Leslie-Moore-ebook/dp/...
There are many chapters to read in the sample
Leslie
Teri had promised the Cats that she would hang up the garment bags from Jersey Girl and look through them. She wanted to ignore her promise and move on with the important things, but finally figured, ‘What could it hurt?’ And truthfully, she could look at the women in their eyes and nod.
Teri looked at the bags she had brought and hung up in the closet. There were two sets of garment bags, the ones that Phil had packed in the box truck and the new ones. Barbara had sent up complete outfits for them when they added two shows, Sunday and Monday. They were in a theater in Greenwich Village. She hummed as she peeked inside all the new bags. She was hoping that they would contain street clothes. She didn’t have clean underwear to go the extra days. Teri knew that she sweated through her stage outfits each night, and they were too fancy to wear around, especially when they were wrinkly and had sweat stains on them. And honestly, she had to admit that they smelled.
Teri realized that her nose had changed. Maybe a while back, Terry always smelled sweaty. Of course, it would be impossible to ignore now. She tried hard to make herself presentable all the time. She ignored the words she would have used back when her mental state was different as a guy.
They’d been expecting to return to Allentown before they did more shows, and Teri hadn’t thought about clean underwear and regular clothes. As she opened the bags, she was looking for tee shirts, yoga pants, or capris. She needed clean panties and bras, too. She quickly searched for the new stuff and found a whole garment bag full of everyday clothes. Hanging in one big bag were small bags containing shoes, underwear, tops, and pants. They had even thrown in shorts.
She was elated. The colors were great, nothing flashy or attention-seeking. Teri liked to walk around in public without drawing any attention to herself. As she unpacked, she was pleased to find comfortable clothes she’d wear daily. With that in mind, she decided to get a shower.
Just as she was undressing, Jenn brought two garment bags from Jersey Girl. She grinted. “This is great. Barbara sent up two bags just for me. I’ve got outfits for the daytime and a few dressy things, too!”
Teri smiled and stopped undressing. “Underwear? Shoes?”
Jenn grinned and held up several small bags. “Yep! And everything is pretty with beautiful colors. I’m excited.”
Teri wrapped her in her arms. “I’m glad you’ll be with me for a few days instead of disappearing like you do when we’re home.”
“You know I’m not running away from you. But you really do spend most of your time withdrawn in your head. You’re thinking about songs that you’re writing or arrangements for the band. And when you are tuned into me, it’s great. It’s just that I want a life, too. I don’t want to wait around all day until you notice me and then come alive.”
“What do you do when you’re alone?”
“I read, I study for my college boards and the extra tests I can take to skip undergrad classes, I like to exercise, and I like to just have some time for myself.”
“You can do all of that in the band house. We have our own bedroom, and the whole third floor is ours. It’s yours, too.”
“I know. But I’m afraid I will get on your nerves or become just a fixture or a plant in your room that you occasionally remember to water. I still want to be special. I like it when you surprise me and do special things to show me how much you love me.”
Teri looked at her and felt the tears already forming in her eyes. One thing she did hate about all that estrogen was that it made her weepy. “I don’t want you to feel unnoticed. I loved you too dearly to have you feel any pain at all. You’re important to me. You’re not a houseplant. You are oxygen. I breathe you and need you and can’t live without you. Believe me, please.”
Jenn kissed her hard. She ran her hands along Teri’s back and down her spine. “Okay. I understand and really need to hear that occasionally. And I need a shower. I’ve been outside all afternoon in the sun and feel sticky. Will you get a shower with me and wash my back?”
Teri didn’t need another invitation and quickly finished undressing. Their shower was amazing, with a rainfall head from the ceiling and a conventional head on the wall with a wand attachment. Teri liked that each had its own controls. Sometimes, rainfall heads got soap in her eyes while washing her hair, but they were fun to stand under and feel the water engulf her.
Jenn kept stroking her with a soft washcloth as they played around in the water. Teri kept grabbing her and squeezing her arms because Jenn was making her flustered and feeling dizzy with excitement. Finally, Teri found herself on her knees, pleasing Jenn in an all-out battle of orgasms.
They mutually agreed that it was a tie. Drying off with big fluffy Egyptian cotton towels, Jenn smiled. “Can I style your hair?”
Teri looked at her strangely. “For now, or for the show tonight?”
“Both. I want to braid your hair and extensions on your head. I want to try some cool things to see how it looks.”
Teri shrugged. She’d never braided her hair on her own but remembered that GLOW had done some fancy things to her hair. She hated it because it looked like she was dressed so girly, like she was going to a wedding. And she had no interest in trying it independently because it always seemed like a lot of work. But after talking this afternoon, she knew she needed to spend more time with her girlfriend. “Sure. And I can watch you and learn how to do it, too.”
Jenn offered, “If we braid your hair when it’s still damp, we can use some spray to lock it into place. And if you don’t like it, taking it out will create interesting waves and curls.”
Teri shrugged. “Let me get some clothes on first. I want my butt covered before I sit on hotel furniture.”
Jenn smiled. “Smart enough.”
Teri pulled out a matching set of clean panties and a bra. These days, she filled out more than an A cup but felt incomplete when she wore a B. So, she put on the A and laughed when she saw how much cleavage she had. The guys would describe it as bootylicious.
She sat down in front of a dressing table mirror after throwing on a top and yoga pants. She watched what Jenn was doing. She narrated her plan as she started pulling her hair in different directions.
Teri watched. It looked like Jenn was forming pigtails, but then she wrapped them around her head and finished in a low bun on the back of her neck.
Teri studied herself in the mirror. She looked very elegant and understated but still wedding-like. But she hated to admit how sexy she looked. “It’s great, only prettier like Princess Leia from Star Wars. But it really is very girly, almost too fancy for me.”
Jenn laughed. “Open your mind, girl, and step away from doing the same old thing all the time. In your own eyes, that old look is growing stale even in your eyes. A hairstyle is supposed to make you feel special. Focusing on your long neck and elegant profile is easy when your hair is off your face. You really are beautiful.”
Teri knew she was becoming anxious listening to Jenn talk like that. She liked being a wallflower and just disappearing in the background. In her mind, she never wanted to take attention away from the band. Those women worked so hard; this deal meant so much to them. She didn’t want to steal the lights shining on them. She shook her head. “That’s hard for me to accept. I hear what you’re talking about, but I don’t want to be sexy like the Wildcats are. I like to be standing in the shadows.”
“Oh, baby. Let it go and enjoy your beauty.”
Teri stared. She sighed, and rather than fight Jenn’s and all the time she’d spent working on her hair, Teri turned and kissed her. “You’re right. You’ve given me a completely new look. I just hope I don’t stand on anybody’s toes. I don’t want to steal anything from the women who worked hard to make this possible. It’s their time to shine.”
Jenn kissed her neck and ran her hands along her chest. “Good. Now, let’s find you something pretty to wear.”
Teri freaked over what Jenn wanted her to wear. It was a tailored jumpsuit that she’d wear on stage. Dark and way too tight, showing off her boobs and cleavage and wrapping around her thin waist and girlish hips and butt. And even with high tops on, the tight pants accented her legs.
And Jenn wanted her to step out into public dressed that way.
Teri sighed and looked it over. “I don’t know. That’s awfully eye-catching. I’m not looking to get anyone’s attention. It’s kinda scary to look too girlish. That’s not me.”
Jenn laughed. “I love the fact that you’re girly. I love that you are beautiful. It makes me feel good that you want to be with me. And you need to take a deep breath and just accept it.”
Teri shook her head. “I’m not sure I can do that. It’s kind of frightening.”
Jenn hugged her tightly. “Honey, I don’t want to crush your male ego, but you never came off as macho. It was just not you. I would hate to see you try to be someone you aren’t and feel like a failure. You’re not a guy dressing up like a girl. C’mon, you know that you were never a guy, right?”
Teri shook her head and couldn’t help but glance in the mirror as she held up the jumpsuit before her. It was beautiful, but…. “You know, in my mind, I was a guy. Maybe I imagined myself that way, but I’m having trouble imagining myself as a girl. I can do it, but I just want to disappear alone.”
Jenn smacked her hard on the bicep. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re a broken record, and you’re selfishly playing that song. How about me? How long do I have to put up with your negative attitude?”
“Huh?” Teri was shocked at the way she was talking.
“Stop the needy behavior around me. I may like my space because sometimes you use up all the oxygen, complaining repeatedly. You make it sound like it’s a death sentence.”
“But….”
“C’mon, lover. Face it. You never had enough testosterone in your system to get an erection, let alone grow big muscles. And that’s not who I love. I have no complaints about you pleasing me. I honestly am not jealous of anyone else’s boyfriend. I don’t look at guys and wonder what it would be like.”
Teri was confused. “What does ‘what it would be like’ mean?”
Jenn blushed. “Well, you know. I don’t want some muscle-bound guy thinking he can impress me by fucking me to death. I don’t want that. I want you. I have always loved you and everything you are. Our lovemaking sends me to the moon and back.”
Teri listened and hoped everything would last forever. She decided to make a concerted effort to make sure she paid attention to Jenn every day and did something meaningful to show how much she meant to her. She considered her the most important thing in her life and knew that without Jenn, she wouldn’t be able to keep up with the flow.
“Okay. I hear you and love you. I am going to try to be just that. Just remember to kick me in the butt when I forget.”
Jenn laughed and hugged her.
After getting dressed, they wanted to go for a walk in the Village. As they walked out into their shared great room, all the rest of the Wildcats were waiting. Richard smiled, “Well, everyone’s here. Let’s walk to dinner, and then we can walk around and return to the hotel. We will still have time to change and sound check before you play.”
As Teri walked out of their doorway, Zoe immediately grabbed her arm. “Okay, so I love the hair and the outfit. I am so glad that you respect and listen to Jenn. You look good.”
Teri wanted to roll her eyes but instead smiled and said, “Thank you.”
After they ate dinner, they went out for a walk. Naturally, they all talked about playing at the festival that day.
Gina nodded. “I like Teri’s idea to make the next festival a total shoot-the-moon show.”
Tiffany turned and smiled. “We don’t play many daytime shows. The only ones I can remember are the rooftop shows we did in Allentown.”
Lisa nodded, “But don’t forget the Saturday afternoon hour that we did in New Orleans.”
Zoe clapped. “Right. We played every song we liked. It was our tribute to New Orleans and the South. That was fun. We were real show-offs.”
Teri agreed. ‘It still feels strange to get all set up and play an hour in the afternoon.”
Lisa laughed. “But would it have felt stranger to play an entire show as the featured act at one of these festivals? That would all be at night.”
Teri stopped and thought for a minute. She turned to Richard. “Are we going to be the featured act at any of these festivals?”
Richard laughed. “Yes, you will. By the time you are tired of playing festivals, there are two at the beginning of August where you’ll be the top bill. Festivals usually have two names to promote and sell tickets. One plays on Friday night, and the other on Saturday night. You’re the headliner for Friday night. You can do a whole show since you’re last to go on.”
Phil laughed. “And eventually, as your fame spreads, they’ll offer you the Saturday nights, too. Give it a month. They’ll be playing three Wildcat hits on the radio.”
Lisa ticked them off. “Right! Run, Run, Gone,” “Summer Song,” and “Show Me Some Love.”
Richard smiled. “Right. If they are all on the Billboard Top Twenty-Five most downloaded songs, then we have truly arrived, and Warner’s will shower you with lots of attention.”
Zoe agreed. “When we get there, we need to sustain the attention by releasing more songs as singles. The real test is to see if we’re still popular enough to sell our Christmas album.”
Teri looked curiously. “Do we have Christmas songs?”
Zoe smiled at Teri and grabbed her hand. “We have to write a few, hoping they’ll become classics, and rearrange a few standards to add in there, too.”
Teri shook her head. “We’d still be short another ten songs.”
Zoe laughed. “How about our vampire song we wrote for Eaten? We could call it a bloody, red Christmas.”
Teri looked like she’d been hit between the eyes. “A Vampire song? You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that dark side of you. Are you a secret Goth girl? That sounds awfully black.”
Gina grinned. “Drops of red blood in the pure white snow could be the cover.”
“I thought you would use your old truck for the album cover.” Jenn was as surprised as Teri to hear about a Christmas album.
“That could work as a Christmas cover if it snowed. It’s all ready to go. We parked the old van back against the barn. Mike told me where to park it so he could shoot it in perfect natural light. Of course, he’ll use three lights to take out the shadows.”
Gina looked amazed. “How do you know about that stuff?”
Tiffany grinned. “Hmm. How do you think I’ve learned? I ask questions about what he does all the time. After all, this is not my first boyfriend.”
Teri smiled. “He’s been really good to you.”
Tiffany laughed. “I think I’m growing up and figuring it out. Mike is amazing and the best thing that’s come my way. I want to keep him. So I am trying to get to know him and what he does.”
Teri immediately thought about Jenn and realized that she needed to start taking an interest in what Jenn was doing daily while she was a musician. The hardest part was reminding herself that not everyone thought music was the greatest thing ever.”
They ate at a seafood house that boasted fresh lobsters and shrimp from New England. Teri was having fun eating a lobster roll and a big green salad. “I’m impressed that all this good food is available in this huge city. I looked at the prices and didn’t think they were too crazy.”
Phil leaned over and smiled. “It's a well-kept secret. Restaurants around here must stay competitive, or they lose their customers.”
Walking to the theater, they saw Wildcats in big letters on the marquee. Under that, it said All Week.
“Uh, Richard. All week?”
Richard was grinning. “Yeah. They sold out so quickly that Gimli and Bill agreed to change it a little. You don’t mind, do you?”
Lisa shook her head. “I want to be involved with some of those discussions, too. No, we enjoy playing, but we are not wind-up dolls.”
Richard nodded and spread out his hands in apology. “You are one hundred percent right. They tape the Tonight Show at five o’cock. Would you have time to fit it in, too?”
They were all laughing at the thought of another appearance on the Tonight Show. Lisa shrugged and shook her head. “Sure. But you and I need to sit down and discuss where we’ll be for the rest of the month tomorrow. No talks without including us.”
The rest of the Cats were patting Lisa on the back and laughing.
“Atta girl, General. You tell ‘em.”
Teri was surprised that the stage was big and the lighting was great. As she plugged and played, she realized that the acoustics were also first-rate.
Zoe came over to fill her in. “This theater has been here since they showed silent movies and Vaudeville. They’ve had a lot of time to fine-tune it.” She pointed overhead. All those murals and fancy stuff are original. The Historical Society likes it being used as a theater now. You cannot often find great places like this that seat three thousand people.”
Teri continued to strum and heard Alan talking into her earpiece.
“Can you all hear me?”
Five Wildcats were all saying yes.
“I’m all the way in the back and am watching you on monitors. But finish tuning up and start playing. I’ll be adjusting your levels as you go.”
After a short sound check, they all gathered at the center of the stage to discuss their song list.
“Two sixty-minute sets and a thirty-minute encore.”
They were all nodding. Zoe also reminded them that they needed to play their whole record and emphasize the three singles. “We’ll have time for Fur Face and the attack of the blondes. Barbara already made seven outfits for us, so we can wear them each night without worrying they’d get dirty.”
Gina laughed. “I was so tired of Febreze spray and sweat last year.”
“We’re union now after our movie stint in the Carolinas with Chances. Union regulations require us to have clean clothes every time we play. Barbara knows it, and they deliver everything we need to our hotel. And since Richard signed us up for the whole week, Jersey Girl is hustling to keep up.”
Tiffany shook her head. “I don’t get it. It sounds like we’re playing catch-up, taking a full week here, and running to a festival. I mean, what gives? I thought this was all being organized.”
Richard smiled. “Tiff, you are not far off at all. Right now, it is catch as catch can because we’re booking the big stuff first and filling in the little stuff like here. They saw how the ticket sales went and asked if we wanted to stay another week. You’ll have Tuesday night off and play Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Tuesday night at five, you're back on the Tonight Show. I hate to remind you that it’s really great money. They’ll collect about two million dollars at the gate to see you; for New York, that’s a bargain. We’ll get half of that.”
Tiffany looked shocked. “A million bucks for a week’s work. Jeez.”
“That’s not all yours. You’ve got a payroll, expenses, and everything. Remember, Phil and I are paid members of this traveling circus. After this, you’ll pick up our chef, his food truck, and our on-the-road laundry and wardrobe service. Since you’re only a couple hours from Barbara and Jersey Girl, they are getting a feel for what to do.”
Tiff looked curious. “What do we get?”
Richard shrugged. “We still have to figure it all out. But you should make a hundred thousand weekly, give or take.”
The Wildcats stood there quietly. Lisa was the first to speak. “So a ten-week tour and we each see a million dollars?”
Richard smiled. “Well, once we’re on the road, your money increases because our costs stabilize. If we were to run this tour to Thanksgiving and stop because we wouldn’t want to cause undue stress on Zoe and her baby, you’d see a lot more. And that’s what we’re looking at.”
Teri reminded them, “We have a big commitment over Labor Day weekend in California. We’re supposed to be running her big fundraiser.”
Gina raised her hand. “Have we heard from them?”
Lisa smiled. “Richard is handling it right now.”
They all turned and looked at Richard. “Right. Well, they have the Hollywood Bowl and a big TV network. They’ve started getting the word out, and I was told that they have one whole day filled with groups and individuals who want to participate.” He turned to Teri. “Have you got sheet music for these acts yet?”
Teri nodded. “Yep. If they didn’t send sheet music, I am transcribing it for the Cats to read. We play the backup band, and we entertain between acts. We’re like the Roots do for Fallon and the Tonight Show. We won’t need much rehearsal.”
Tiffany nodded. “Will I be able to wear cute headphones while we’re playing the house band?”
That night, they went on at nine. Lisa said they’d be wrapped up by midnight, so it wasn’t a big deal.
As they stood backstage, Tiffany whispered, “Uh-huh. We’re getting a hundred thousand for this week, and it was a big deal to earn twenty-five at the Rendezvous.”
“Hey, that was Tasha’s first paycheck! And that was the most money I’d ever made.” Teri could only grin.
“Now we are in the biz.”
Gina started them off by pounding on her drums, and they all came out holding their hands over their heads and clapping. When they appeared, everyone came to their feet and started cheering, yelling, and clapping along with them.
As Zoe lit into Run, Run, Gone with her blazing guitar solo, they all looked at each other and grinned. Teri started giggling. She leaned into Lisa and smiled. “You know, I’d do this for free.”
Dear Reader,
Wildcat Summer is available on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Wildcat-Summer-Leslie-Moore-ebook/dp/...
There are many chapters to read in the sample
Leslie
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay?”
“I would love to stay and hang out with you every minute of every day until as Tiffany so aptly puts it, “I become a pimple on your ass.”
“C’mon, Jenn. It’s never been that way and besides you have a beautiful ass.”
“No Rock Star. I don’t want to become a pimple on your ass.”
“Your ass, my ass. It’s not a negative that you want to stay with me. It’s a bus ride to Massachusetts and then we fly to Detroit.”
“I saw the schedule, honey. But after the band finishes up playing in Detroit, I’ll be waiting for you in Chicago. It’ll give me a chance to reunite with my sister and my mom. I’ll be waiting.”
Teri heard Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time and the lyric, “I will be waiting…” All she could do was smile. “I will miss you.”
“Oh, I know you will. And I will miss you. But it’s time for you to get your head into the tour. You’ve got arrangements to make, songs to write with Zoe, and you’ve got to start thinking about Ellen’s big fund raiser.”
Teri thought about what Jenn was saying. She was right, but it still worried her that Jenn will forget about her and find somebody new. “I don’t know. For some reason, I’m having a hard time thinking about you not being here with me.”
Jenn smacked her on the bicep. “And that’s why it’s a good thing. We need some separation to be able to step back and have some perspective on our relationship.”
Teri felt a chill run down her spine. “Separation? Are you saying goodbye?”
“No. Not at all. You’re my true love and I’ll miss you just as much as you miss me. But we need some air, some oxygen in the room. Just think about all the cool things you’ll be able to share with me each time you call. And we’ll have a romantic reunion in Chicago.”
Teri wanted to protest but figured that if Jenn missed her as much as she’d miss her, well, so be it. Teri shrugged, leaned over, and swept her up in her arms. “I’m filing a formal complaint protesting this declaration of yours. I’m taking this up with my lawyer”
Jenn giggled. “I think that’s why I love you so much. You make me laugh and you are my baby.”
Teri nuzzled her neck and bit gently.
They all had the day off on Sunday and wouldn’t be traveling up to Massachusetts until checkout on Monday morning. Mike and Bruno showed up on Saturday night to watch the show and spend some time with their girls.
Teri watched as Tiffany was busy going on and on giving Bruno instructions on how to be the greatest dad ever. Mike was trying to peel her away from poor Bruno and give them some time together. He just wanted to spend more time with Tiff. Finally, he simply swept her up in his arms and held her while he kissed her on the lips.
Tiffany returned the kiss and laughed. “Oh, who are you again? Those lips are familiar. She clung to his neck as they walked away together. She turned around and called out to Zoe and Bruno left watching Mike carry her away. “Hey. Don’t forget my advice!”
Teri and Jenn watched the carrying on as she whispered in her ear. “See, Rock Star. See how much they miss each other. Your summer tour is only going to make us love each other more. Remember, I wasn’t with you in Atlanta or in the Carolinas on your movie set and that didn’t hurt our relationship.”
Teri felt shivers in her body. She didn’t want to mention that’s when she got high and made out with John in Atlanta. Or how she had a big, dangerous crush on Frankie where the Cats had to bail her out from total panic.
Instead, Teri just nodded and held Jenn tightly. “Let’s go have a day together in New York. We can be tourists and visit the Statue of Liberty and take a boat tour around the island.”
Jenn nodded. “That’s the spirit! I’ll mention to Phil where we’re going to go.”
After hearing their plans, Phil hesitated, and then shrugged. “I really want to send Jessica and Mac with you. But, if you’re going out on your own, you have to promise me to check in every hour and drop a pin where you are.”
Teri nodded. “Sure. Give me your phone and I can sync us up together, so you know where my phone is at all times.”
Phil nodded. “Okay, so I know this is going to sound paranoid, but I have these Air Tags from Apple and I want you to pin one inside your clothes so I can track you.”
Teri and Jenn laughed. Jenn patted Phil on the back. “Oh, mommy. We’re not going to get lost. But if it will make you feel better, sure. We can used safety pins on our underwear.”
Phil smiled. “I bought two dozen of them. No one is ever going to get lost again. Well, and no luggage is ever going to be forgotten or disappear either.”
After saying goodbye to the others, Jenn and Teri walked around the Village and then bought the tickets to the Statue of Liberty. After their sea cruise and the educational tour of immigration in the US at the turn of the century, they both remarked how the country has changed. “It’s a shame that people view aliens coming into the United States today in a negative way.”
“Well, that’s how some people feel. But immigrants coming at the turn of the century were also scorned, too. Back then we hated Italians, Irish, Asians, and Jews. Now it’s all about hating people with brown and black skin, Hispanic and African.
“Not everybody.” They both agreed.
“But it’s so ironic that we’re all aliens. Only Native American tribes aren’t really aliens.” Teri was shaking her head.
“Well, Rock Star, I read that all the Native American tribes crossed over a land bridge connecting Asia with North American. They were following bison as they migrated to warmer climates and larger grasslands.”
“Oh. How come you’re so smart?”
“I read stuff.”
“Okay.”
Jenn hugged her. “Hey, we’re a team. I don’t write amazing songs and play beautiful music. We don’t compete. So, I can be the brainiac mad scientist who wants to take over the world.”
Teri grinned and kissed her neck. “Sounds fair enough to me.”
When Jenn and Teri returned, the whole group was gathering up for a big dinner to say goodbye to their loved ones. The first thing that Teri thought was about her stomach. “Okay, but we’re not eating Afghan food again?”
Richard was smiling. “No. We are going to have a classical French meal prepared in a Michelin Star restaurant.”
Gina laughed. “I know that Grace will enjoy dining, but you’re talking to a drummer that grew up on Happy Meals.”
Phil smiled. “I just read where they’re bringing them out for adults, now. Poison in a box, one size kills all.”
As they sat down in the restaurant, the first thing that the waitstaff brought them was a tiny sampling on a soup spoon that was set in the middle of a small plate. While they all looked, Richard and Grace winked.
Richard held his spoon up in the air. “This is called an amuse-bouche. It’s translated to mean amuse the palate. Consider it a tiny appetizer in one bite.”
Everyone popped it into their mouths and reacted the same way with a smile.
Richard watched. “It’s a civilized way to set the standard of our meal. Enjoy.”
Very soon, a woman strolled up to their table. “Bonjour, mes amis. I am Charlotte Dupont and this is my restaurant. Our friends, Phil and Richard contacted me and asked for a special Sunday celebration meal. But he also warned me, and I quote him, “That I’d be planning this meal for heathens from Pennsylvania who think epicurean delights are hoagies and cheese steaks.”
She smiled and held up both her hands. “Before we have a revolt on our hands, I want you to know that I’m from Cape May, New Jersey and know diner food well. I went abroad to study my craft in Paris. After school, I came here in New York where the population is receptive to true French cuisine. But you are safe tonight. No snails or frog’s legs. Instead, you’re going to enjoy a delicious rustic meal the way people eat out in the countryside. You’ll start with a chilled consume, a beef stew with vegetables, crusty bread and tomato preserves. Then we’ll have a chocolate souffle. Please enjoy!”
And they did. They even enjoyed an alcoholic free red wine and tasty white.
Tiffany was sipping her red and wiping her lips. She held up her glass. “Here’s to you, Richard. Not only do you take care of us, but you provide this alcoholic a way to enjoy her grapes without breaking my covenant.”
Gina smiled. “Covenant, big word girl. I gotta say I love the new Big Word Sober Barbie. She is my new idol.”
Tiffany looked carefully at Gina. “Huh? That was a compliment. Is it because Grace is around?”
Gina blushed. “Well, I try to act more like an adult for her. Being a twenty-four-year-old wise ass might get old and I don’t want to scare the love of my life away.”
They all looked at Gina and Tiffany. Then they turned their glasses to them and drank a toast.
Zoe took Bruno’s hand and kissed it. She moved over and sat in his lap.
On Sunday, after saying goodbye, they loaded up the bus and the box truck on a side street. When they finished, Phil observed, “We are carrying a larger wardrobe than musical equipment.”
Richard smiled. “I just talked to Barbara this week. Jersey Girl is now an official sponsor of the Wildcat Summer Tour. And beside bending over backwards to make sure our musicians are always well dressed, they have begun negotiating a new contract.”
Lisa listened carefully. “How much?”
Richard leaned in. “Six figures and the same attention to detail as they have always given us. I really like how they’ve treated all of you and think they deserve our consideration.”
Lisa nodded. “I agree. I’m more than pleased how they are willing to customize whatever we want. I’ve never heard any push back which is nice. I say we stay yes. I like the idea that they are local and small, too.”
Richard agreed. “I just don’t want to let them get too complacent. I say a half million for six months, with an three year automatic renewal.”
Lisa looked at the other four who had been listening. Everyone was smiling. “Okay. We all agree. I’d recommend that we send all the contracts to Mr. DiNardo and see what he says.”
After that, they started the ride up to northern Massachusetts, a six-hour trip that included a stop for a seafood dinner at The Bayside Restaurant in Westport. After that, most of them disappeared in the back and napped.
When they arrived in Mansfield, they pulled up in the driveway of a modest sized Fairfield Inn. Richard laughed. “Well, kids. The honeymoon is over. Our accommodations are not always going to be suites in five-star hotels. Sometimes you just have to sleep in a simple hotel near the highway. Tomorrow, we will have a sound check in the afternoon and play to seventy-five hundred people in a sold-out arena. We go on at nine. We’ve even drafted a local band who opens at seven-thirty.” He checked his phone. “The band is called Alba May.”
Since no one had heard of them, they all waited while Teri Googled them. “Alba May is the lead singer of a New York band. They are popular on TikTok.”
Zoe was clapping. “It’s great to give a band exposure and money in their pockets.” She turned to Richard. “Can we do that more often?”
“Sure. And I’m sure that Warner’s has a lot of bands they want to see get out there and see the public’s reaction, too.”
Lisa raised her hand. “So, what now?”
Phil looked at his watch. “Well, the rest of the world is getting ready for bed, but they do have a nice, heated pool and there are lounge chairs, too. I recommend you take a dip and enjoy this clear star filled June evening. Just don’t be out of control. Oh, yeah. And Barbara told me to tell you that each of you have five suits in your garment bags with sandals, too. And she said that none of Tiffany’s are pink, coral, or red.”
Teri got her pass card and went up to her room. She decided to see what she looked like in a suit. Since she still had to tuck into a gaff or a thong each day, she was interested in how it would work. Jenn had told her about a simple procedure called a Vulvoplasty where they can use her flesh to create inner and outer labia and a clitoris without making the deep incision for a vaginal canal. She told her to read up on it for consideration. Since Teri didn’t fall under a transgender category she could opt to have this done any time. Jenn mentioned that the recovery was less intrusive.
Teri slid into a black bikini bottom and tucked herself. She realized that that surgery would be perfect if she never planned on having vaginal sex. She looked, pulled, and pushed to see what would show. She was quite pleased at the results but knew she needed to use her razor to shave closer.
After all that effort, she found the top was a simple black band across her chest. After squeezing in, she looked at her profile and frowned. Not much on top. Even though her A cup bras were too small, the damned elastic on this top squished her down to being almost flat chested.
So she tried another one on. Bottom okay, top okay. She stared at the cut and wondered if pink was really her color. Pink equals girly and Teri was allergic to too much girly. Pink made her look too young like she was fourteen. She checked out her legs in the flat sandals. Her legs looked okay. They were filling out and had some shape to them. She didn’t mind that she was looking more and more like a woman every day. In a way, it was going to happen, and she was lucky that she was turning out to look normal.
Finally, she found a ready nice one-piece, dark blue Speedo that really required her to stop and shave. Finally, she was ready. Teri shook her head, grabbed a towel, and walked out to the elevator. Suddenly, she realized that she couldn’t just walk around in a bathing suit in a hotel. She turned around and walked back into her room and gathered up a long tee shirt that Jenn used to sleep in. Pulling it over her head, she decided that it would do as a coverup.
Returning to the elevator, she saw Gina coming. Gina was wearing a black cotton dress as her top.
“You look nice. I was all confused about what was okay in the elevator and the lobby. Should I have more clothes on?”
Gina grinned. “You look great. Stop over thinking and lets do some laps. Is Teri as out of shape as I imagine?”
Teri shrugged as they rode down. “Well, I’ve been keeping up with you running each morning. I don’t know.”
Gina smiled. “Do you know how to swim?”
Teri had to think for a moment. “Uh, probably not. All I’ve ever done was splash around and jump in our friend’s pool. But I’ve never done laps.”
Gina frowned. “Just don’t drown.”
Later as she was laying on the bed in a tee and panties, she text Jenn. “Sup?”
The phone rang. “Hey,” she answered.
Jenn sounded like she was whispering. “What are you doing?”
“Getting ready for bed. Why?”
“Look at the clock, Rock Star.”
Teri was shocked to see that it was two in the morning. “Oh. I guess I lost track of time.”
Jenn giggled. “Go to bed and we can talk in the morning. I love you, baby.”
“I love you too.”
As Teri was plugging her phone in, she noticed that she’d gotten a text. It had come through so it must have been a number she had in her directory. The text was sent at eight that night. It said, “Hey” and was from Don.
Teri had trouble getting to sleep after that playing the what ifs in her mind. And Don.
They all went out for breakfast around eleven. Teri was hungry and had completely forgotten about her old friend’s text until it came up as unanswered. As they were riding in their shuttle to a restaurant, she responded by saying, “Hey, back. What’s up?”
Her phone dinged halfway through her omelet. She’d already talked to Jenn and apologized about calling her so late at night. They both excused themselves because Jenn was returning to real world hours, and she was still on Rock n’ Roll hours.
She looked and saw that it was Don. This time, he’d enclosed a photo. When she opened it, she started to laugh. Don and the guys were all standing on the sand in front of the ocean. Obviously, someone had taken the photo for them. Naturally, Tony and the guys were all doing poses and showing off their bodies. She wrote back. “Where are you?”
“Ocean City. We all got jobs here and are living together in this dive that we got for cheap rent. The indoor-outdoor carpeting inside is always damp so I wear my flips everywhere.”
“Sounds like a good summer plan. Nice graduation present to yourself.”
“Yeah. I’m learning how to surf and paddle board. My muscles are getting muscles.”
Teri tried not to think of the photo of Don with muscles and sexualize him. She knew that might lead to mind game problems for her. And while she was totally in love with Jenn, she still squirmed thinking about being held in strong arms. Oh, lord, she thought. Not Don!
Teri realized that everyone had finished eating and were all staring at her. She’d gotten lost in thought, still holding the phone in her hand.
Lisa looked at her strangely. “Is everything all right. You suddenly got all flushed and dreamy looking. Who are you thinking about?”
Teri blushed harder and clicked off her phone. She shook her head and frowned. “Uh, kinda got lost in thought after receiving a message from the guys. They’re all down the shore for the summer.”
Lisa frowned. “What’s the matter? Would you rather be there?”
Teri looked back at her sister. She whispered, “No. No. I want to be here, but, well, my mind is playing games, and this is not the time to share.”
Lisa sat down next to her and reached for her hand. In the old days, Terry had occasionally talked to her about things that were bothering him, but right now her younger sister looked devastated. “What do you want to do?
“I don’t know.” Her voice sounded weak, and she looked drained.
“How about if maybe we take a walk and let the others go. We can always catch up to them, wherever they’re going. We aren’t having a sound check for hours.”
Teri wiped her eyes with a finger and nodded.
Lisa stood up and went over to talk to everyone. “Uh, Teri and I need some time. Maybe we’re going to talk, I really don’t know.”
Richard leaned in. “It’s alright. Take as much time as you want. We have a sound check around five and then go out to dinner. I’ve got my phone. We’re all going sightseeing.”
Lisa nodded and turned away. She headed right back to her little sister who was visibly shaking. The first thing she did was reach her arms around her and squeeze her tightly. They stood up together and walked out the front door as they watched their shuttle drive away.
“Okay, honey. So it’s just the two of us. What can I help you with?”
Teri immediately sobbed into her shoulder. As she cried she said, “I’m a horrible person and don’t deserve Jenn’s love. The minute she’s gone, I’m having fantasies of strong arms holding me tight and strong lips kissing me. I’m freaking out!”
Lisa held her and stroked her head. She spoke quietly, “What brought all of this on?”
Teri shook her head. “One of my old friends texted me and sent me a photo. He said they were all in Ocean City working for the summer.”
“Okay. And…”
“And he sent me a photo.” She thumbed through her phone and enlarged the pic. She handed it over to Lisa.
Lisa looked at the pic and studied it. “Yeah. I know all these guys. They’re your video game guys. You brought them to our rooftop concerts. Oh, with their shirts off and all tan, they do look good. And look how buff they are. They know all about you, right?”
Teri nodded. “Yeah. That was all covered. But Don, the guy on the right, well, I’m getting strange vibes from him. I never thought about it before, but he was always pretty nice to me.”
“And you’re worried because you’re thinking about him?”
All Teri could do was nod. She was nearly breaking down. “Yeah. And now I’m fantasizing about being in his arms, feeling him holding me tight, and forcefully kissing me. And just the thought and I’m having orgasms.”
“Have you ever kissed a guy?”
Teri wiped her eyes and said sheepishly, “It’s like this guy I got high with at our Underground show. You know, he was one of the brothers. John and I got high, and we started making out and it was a big turn on. I must’ve had three little orgasms and it all felt so dreamy.”
“Did you ever tell Jenn?”
“Uh-huh.”
“What did she say?”
“She told me to do it again and find out if it was right for me.”
Lisa looked at Teri. She looked even worse than she did earlier. “Have you taken her advice?”
“No. I just get upset and argue. It’s terrible the way this all makes me feel. I mean, when I was just old Terry back in high school, I never thought about sex, but Jenn always got me hot and bothered. And now, I’m seriously changing, and I know that this whole thing with hormones is happening. I can deny I look too much like a girl to deny it.”
“But my old brain is really having trouble thinking about being a girl and making it with a guy. First, my sex organs don’t exist.”
Lisa looked curiously. She shook her head.
“I found out that I never had testicles and wht I thought was my scrotum was filled with two fibrous precancerous masses. And what I assumed was my penis isn’t. What I have between my legs is my urethra and very sensitive nerve endings that would have been my clitoris if I wasn’t intersex. But no vagina, none of that stuff ever developed.”
Lisa was trying to digest all of this. “So have you tried anal sex?”
Teri laughed. “Yeah. It happens, but Jenn enjoys pegging more me more than I do. She likes to dominate. But anal sex doesn’t get me off because I don’t have a prostate.”
“So, you say you have orgasms, how?”
“I get this all-body thing that builds and builds and finally blows the top of my head off. Jenn knows that she can stimulate what I have between my legs and dominate my body so I have many orgasms.”
“Okay. So you have little orgasms when you are held tightly and kissed. But Jenn knows exactly what you need and does it with you. Do you satisfy her?”
“Yes.”
It’s like she’s pushing me to do something that I don’t want to do.”
Lisa looked around and saw a bench down the street. She led her sister to it and sat her down. She saw a MacDonalds. “Can you sit tight while I get us some Cokes?”
Teri nodded through tear stained cheeks.
When Lisa returned with two Cokes and napkins, Teri was sitting crosslegged on the bench and hunched over. She sat right next to her. “Here, drink.”
Teri drank. The cold felt good on her throat. After drinking a lot, she burped, then giggled. “Oh, I am such a looser.”
Lisa laughed. “Uh huh, cause you love Jenn and still have fantasies about big strong guys? Teri, it’s not wrong. I still look at guys and size them up. I love Smith and believe he’s my entire future. I mean, look, he gave me an engagement ring. But a couple of the roadies are cute.”
Teri looked at the ground. “Everybody looks at Ben, but my favorite is Robbie.”
“Would you make out with Robbie?”
“No! I mean, well, that wouldn’t work out. I’d have to see him every day and well, he’s seen me with Jenn. That’s not good.”
“Well, how about a stranger you don’t know. Would you pick someone up in a bar?”
“Well, I’m not twenty-one and I’m intersex. That wouldn’t work out. As soon as we took our clothes off, he’d freak and figure out who I am. And well, that couldn’t be good for some story to appear in the tabloids.”
“Well, what would work?”
Teri started crying. ‘That’s it. Nothing is going to work and it’s playing over and over in my mind. All I keep remembering how I felt in John’s arms and those feelings.”
“Have you talked to Grace about this?”
“Yeah. A lot. We figured out the common thing was it all happened when I was high. But, Lisa, I’m not hight and now I’m on my own and ready to cheat. I am scum and well, it’s back to this boy-girl thing and who should I love?”
“What did Grace say?”
“She said that since I was intersex I could consider myself pansexual and like whomever I chose. Lisa, I really thought that it was Jenn. But how can you love one person and kiss another?”
Lisa shrugged. “You could ask our resident free love girl.”
“You mean Gina?”
“Yep. She is madly in love with Grace, but hops in bed with whomever she wants.”
“Yeah. Grace and I talked about this. Her answer was that she’s just more discreet.” Teri looked at Lisa and smiled. “Yeah, you lust for her, too. She’s the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and I fantasize about who she sleeps with.”
Lisa nodded. “Uh-huh. You were reading my thoughts.
They’d finished their Cokes and took them over to a trash can. Lisa looked at her little sister. “Are you feeling better?”
“Well, yes and no. I mean, if I fool around, doesn’t that mean that Jenn can, too?”
Lisa nodded. “I think the solution is to talk to Gina and tell her everything. She what she says. She’s got muscles and knows all about sex. You can get advice and sleep with her, too.”
“Do you think she’d tell Jenn or anybody else?”
“Nope.”
“But the idea of Jenn being with someone else who is better than me and she falls in love with that person, and I lose her and die alone.”
“Right, sis. Now that’s not going to happen.”
“Why?”
“Cause nobody’s dying.”
Lisa sighed. “All this is wearing me out and making me miss Smith. Let’s just walk around this town and then head back to the sound check.”
When they were dropped off at the Xfinity Center, they walked right in and went up to the stage. They were the first ones there and Teri immediately sat down at the piano. “I’m working on a song but only have a few lyrics. Do you remember Miami Sound Machine?”
Lisa shrugged. “Kinda.”
Teri started banging out a rhythm on the keyboard playing chords and a fast Spanish beat. Out of nowhere, Gina was using mallets and banging out a calypso beat. As the two of them continued, Tiffany picked up her bass and followed the basic line that Teri was drilling with the piano. She turned to her sister. “Hey Lisa, can you take over my piano part?”
Lisa laughed and pushed him over on the bench. She deftly took over exactly what she had been doing.
Zoe had her guitar on and was idly strumming along. Teri looked at Zoe, picked up her guitar and showed Zoe what chords she had in mind and the pattern. Naturally, Tiffany copied and played a great bass line that fit right in.
Teri went to the mic and turned it around so she was facing the band.
Love ya’ baby,
Miss ya’ baby,
Need to feel you in my arms
Wanna squeeze ya baby
Wanna kiss you baby
Give you lovin’ till you’re mine
Tiffany laughed. “C’mon, Terry. That is so much of a rip of Conga from the Miami Sound Machine!”
Teri turned to Lisa. “See, she’s heard it.”
Tiffany laughed. “My mom and dad loved all the Latin dances.” Without stopping her bass she danced the Rumba and the Samba the whole time Teri was up front.
When I get ya
Goin to show ya
Just how much you mean to me
Hold ya baby
Squeeze ya baby
Keep ya happy all the time
Teri went over to their synthesizer and set it up for brass. She proceeded to use three different notes at a time to simulate trumpets and a slide trombone.
Zoe was watching Tiffany and matching her step for step. Before long, they were dancing together.
Lisa stood up and waved them down. “Okay. Let’s get practical here. Teri, you’re going to cover the piano and the horns. We’ll stack the synthesizer on top of the big keyboard and set you up with a mic, too.”
She looked at Zoe and Tiffany. “You are both great with what you’re doing. Everybody’s gonna watch you and just want to dance. And Gina, dig out some bongos and a stand for me to play while I’m up at the mic. And a cowbell, please.”
It was a union stage, and the crew jumped right in to cover all their bases.
After running through it, Teri asked, “Don’t we need more lyrics?”
Lisa laughed. “You’ll come up with them the longer you’re away from Jenn. And work on a chorus, too. But stop listening to the Miami Sound Machine, please. We don’t want to be sued for copyright infringement.”
Dear Reader,
Wildcat Summer is available on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Wildcat-Summer-Leslie-Moore-ebook/dp/...
There are many chapters to read in the sample
Leslie
A Wildcat Summer 21
When Teri hung up, she just wanted to sit and think. Talking to Jenn was like walking through a corn maze, where the walls are ten feet high, solid, and thick. All the sound is muffled except for the breeze rattling the dried husks.
Teri felt stuck and couldn’t find her way out. It was all going in endless circles of confusion. She didn’t want to get mad at Jenn, but they’d had this talk so many times that she wanted to scream. In her mind, she was starting to think that this wasn’t a discussion anymore. Jenn was giving her an ultimatum.
Sure, Teri created this situation. She admitted to having fantasies with muscular guys, but they were about squeezing and kissing. It was just making out. But she’d watched enough porn back with the guys in high school to understand what her role would be after the hugging and kissing went further. It was all about mindless passion. She’d reached that fevered point all the time with Jenn. But they loved each other, and it was done for each other’s mutual excitement.
With porn, Teri found those images disturbing. The animalistic lust was beyond comprehension. Those women did a lot of crazy things. Teri sometimes wondered if it was acting.
Argh. It was too much. She really wanted to tell Jenn to stop. Telling her to go out and consummate something with a guy, well, none of what she’d done was planned. She couldn’t picture herself being used like as a socket for some guy to plug into. She had trouble seeing any positive. She decided those videos were just for some guy’s masturbation fantasy.
Teri shook her head and found Lisa. “When are we going?”
Lisa shook her head and looked at her phone. “I’m guessing in an hour. What do you want to do?”
Teri smiled. “Anything. How about cards?” Growing up, they’d always played a fierce game of Double Solitaire.
Lisa grinned. “I happen to have a couple of decks in my stuff. How about us finding a quiet spot?”
They stopped while she dug out the decks. Then, they found a little nook in the lobby to get comfortable. As they each shuffled their own deck, Lisa looked at Teri. She seemed a lot more relaxed. It was like she had an epiphany and found inner calm. She decided to play a twenty-question game with her sister to get to the reason. “Hey. Can I ask you twenty questions?”
Teri raised her eyes and laughed. “Sure. Whatcha wanna know?”
“What turned you around and put you in such a good mood?”
Teri laughed. “I thought that in twenty questions, they were supposed to be yes or no answers.”
Lisa shrugged.
Teri shuffled her cards out on the table. “Okay, I’ll give you a starting question.”
Lisa smiled. “Shoot. What question should I ask?”
Teri was grinning. “Did you fool around with Zoe?”
Lisa would have swallowed her gum if she’d been chewing. Instead, she just coughed. “Really?”
Teri shrugged. “A sister's secret, okay?”
Lisa was nodding. “Oh, yeah. Til I die.”
Teri looked at her and smiled. “It started out cause I was talking about my problems. Well, she said I needed a lesson to help level me out. She took my mind off my dilemmas by dragging me upstairs to her hotel room.”
Lisa was grinning from ear to ear. “That makes you very special. I’ve been hanging with that wonderful woman for many years. Zoe doesn’t drag someone up to her room very often.”
“Oh, yeah. I do feel special.” Now, Teri felt that she understood the mutual passion that two people are capable of without any strings attached.
Richard was rounding the Cats up and getting them on the bus. After being accounted for, they drove to the airport and went through security. Teri was shaking her head as they all sat up front in first class. The first class was still a big deal; now, it was routine.
She listened to her options and chose fresh fruit and a croissant. As she sipped a bottled water, she smiled. Her airplane ticket would have probably paid for a semester at community college. She understood the whole logic of moving them around efficiently, but sometimes, it was still hard to believe.
Teri was sitting next to Tiffany, who was digging into a full meal of chicken, potatoes, and carrots—it looked like a double portion. “How do you do it? You eat big meals and never gain any weight," Tiffany said.
Tiff grinned. “I know what to eat. Remember, I did a lot of sports in high school. My dad’s a doctor; counting carbs, lean protein, and lots of fresh veggies makes it easy. After a while, it’s just routine. It’s not quantity, it’s quality. Look at what you’re eating. That croissant is all fat and white flour, plus it’s loaded with stabilizers to keep it from getting stale. That could have been made a month ago and reheated. Nothing in that pastry is healthy, But you made a good attempt with the fruit. But that’s all sugar, too. You’d have been better off getting an apple. It’s got fiber.”
Teri was always surprised when Tiffany showed her props, just like the first time she played the cello. Teri had to remind herself that everyone around her was three-dimensional and complex. Tiffany was a lot more than an air-head Barbie doll.
She leaned over and whispered, “Did you ever play Barbies with your friends growing up?”
Tiffany laughed. “Of course I did. I was Annika Lundgren, a too-tall, four-eyed, freaky girl. I was gawky and awkward until I hit high school. But sports showed me the way. I ran cross-country and played volleyball and spring field hockey. By then, my size didn’t matter. And I started wearing contacts. Suddenly, I bloomed and became a lover of bad boys.”
Teri laughed. “Is that when you became Tiffany?”
Tiff laughed. “We can thank Gina for that nickname. She always was a boil on my ass. But she did kick our field hockey team up a notch, but she helped us rule the state in volleyball.”
Teri shook her head. She still had trouble being around Tiffany. Looking into her blue eyes, watching her lush lips, and smelling her wonderful skin were still mesmerizing.
“Hey! Earth to Teri. Come in, space girl. Stop fantasizing about me. Are you sexualizing your bass player again?”
Teri knew she was blushing bright red and laughed at herself. “Yeah, you know what you do to me. You’re my fantasy girl.”
“You realize just how beautiful you’re girlfriend is, right?”
Teri grinned. “Uh-huh. I’m totally in love with her. It’s just a shame we’re both so young and inexperienced. It would be much easier if we were both older like you.” The instant those words came out of her mouth, she realized how stupid she sounded.
“Honey, I’m twenty-four, and you’re eighteen. Six years older and just so much wiser. I think you need to start following me around and writing down everything I say and do. After all, not only am I brilliant, but beautiful. Prayers every night to only be as perfect as I am.” Tiffany had a huge grin on her face.
Gina leaned over between their seats from the row behind. “You are shoveling so much horse shit right now, they’re going to smell it up front and not be able to fly this boat.”
Teri smiled at Gina. “I’m already dedicating a space in my tablet to write down all the words of wisdom from Tiffany. I want to grow up to be just like her.”
Gina patted her on the shoulder as she disappeared behind them. “You bet, kid. Tiffany is the best person to see about giving advice.”
When Richard walked by their seats, Teri stopped him. “You said we’re playing at this festival and have been moved up as a headliner?”
Richard smiled. “Uh-huh. Your fame is snowballing. They contacted Gimli and wanted to pay you more and let you play longer. I knew you’d like that.”
Teri beamed. “We were just talking about hungering to perform for more than an hour. That’s great!”
Richard nodded. “I’m going to spread the word. Do you need time to meet and draw up a set list?”
Tiffany was grinning. “Yeah, that would be a good idea. It would be great to play under the lights for a receptive crowd. But do you know how they got the name, Kick Out The Jams?”
Teri immediately sat up and turned towards them. There was a Detroit band, MC5, who had a hit titled Kick Out The Jams! They used to yell, kick out the jams, motherfuckers.”
Gina laughed. “The girl is a walking encyclopedia of Rock and Roll history. She should have her own podcast.”
Teri smiled at Gina. “A podcast where we can interview rock gods and discuss their history. I’d really like that.”
Lisa leaned over Gina and looked at her sister. “Okay, that could be a real thing. When we’re in LA, you'll meet all those people to possibly record interviews with them. Some of your podcasts can be with bands we meet on the road who are just getting started, like Alba May.”
Gina got excited. “Do a two-part interview with EBR. Maybe Lisa can put in a good word for you.”
Teri was laughing. “Those guys owe me. I’ve spent a lot of time rearranging their old songs for them.”
“There you go, girl. You’ve got another career to keep you busy when we’re not on the road or even on it.”
Richard added, “Talk to Phil, and he’ll hook you up with the proper mics and recorder to make it perfect. Then, you can mix it on a soundboard. With your up-and-coming reputation, you’ll have no trouble finding sponsors.”
Teri frowned. “No money, no profit. I want to do this for charity.”
“Easy enough. We’ll find you sponsors who will just do it for branding and donate all the money to charities.”
“You could get the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland to be one of your sponsors. We’re playing in Cleveland at the end of June in a small place called The Beach Land Ballroom. You’d have time to visit the hall while you’re there.”
Teri got out her tablet and started taking notes about a podcast. “This is a real open-ended project," she said.
Before long, the plane landed, and their bus was out front waiting for them. As they all climbed off, Phil and the roadies appeared. The box truck was parked behind the bus. Teri immediately cornered Phil to talk about her podcast plan. The two of them immediately made lists and discussed what they’d need to create a portable studio.
The Cats discussed a ninety-minute set as the bus rode along to the festival.
Lisa laughed. “I say we punch out a ninety-minute set, and maybe they’ll call us back for an encore.”
Zoe scoffed. “Of course they will. I’m surprised we’re not doing a longer show to close the place out much later at night.”
Richard shook his head. “They have a permit but must stop at ten at night. If we start at eight, we have to close before ten so they can make announcements.”
They were introduced to their chef and his assistant, who prepared a full meal.
“I’m Pete, and this is Gloria. We’re making grilled vegetable tacos and sides of macaroni and cheese tonight. From now on, we’ll give you a long list of foods you like and ensure you have them. We are also stocking up your freezer and fridge on board the bus with healthy, fun stuff to snack on. Richard already told us what Lucinda made for you in May while you were home. We can make three meals a day or just dinner. We’ll shop for local organic, fresh ingredients daily to make each meal special.”
After meeting their commissary people, they walked around the festival and listened to the bands.
After dinner, they sat around backstage until it was time to go on. At eight at night, it was still more twilight than dark. When Gina started slamming down on her drums, the crowd cheered and also started clapping.
Teri appeared wearing a bright orange, form-fitting jumpsuit, orange platform sneakers, and silver hair braided and looking like dreadlocks. She unleashed a Jimi Hendrix-style feedback guitar and played a freeform solo that had everyone cheering and clapping. On the other side of the stage, Zoe was in black tights, a white tuxedo shirt, and black stiletto heels. As she spun around, her bright red ponytail moved with her.
With the two guitars blasting at both ends of the stage, everyone cheered as Tiffany came out in a silver bodysuit. People down front were treated to seeing her live, but everyone could look up on the projection screens that showed all the Wildcats.
They had divided the screen into four parts, one for each Wildcat. The director filled the screen with one Cat and then moved to four. The greatest applause was for Gina, who never stopped pounding down, looking incredible in a black, one-piece runner’s outfit that showed all her muscles.
Then, the stage flashed black, and a single spot revealed Lisa standing at center stage in her bright red prom dress, her hair cascading down her back. The big screens just showed Lisa as she gave a banshee cry and started singing the lyrics to Run, Run, Gone!
Everyone on the festival grounds had swarmed the stage to see the Wildcats. Later, the sponsors estimated the sixty-thousand people who’d bought tickets were in front of the stage.
The Wildcats played without stopping for an hour. Then, Tiffany announced, “We’ll be back in a few!”
Crowded in the back, they wiped off and donned their Fur Face costumes. When everyone was ready, Teri waddled out to the stage front while the rest of the cats stood downstage and played their heavy metal song. When Tiffany started doing her rap, you could hear thousands of people accompanying her. Everyone continued to sing along with most of their songs, including the new ones on their recently released album.
After another forty-five minutes, they played their last songs, saving Summer Song as they got closer. Throwing kisses and disappearing, they closed out a festival night.
As their bus left the grounds, they could hear the promoter's final words to the festival goers.
After a quick rinse, they were all in comfy clothes as they headed to their hotel on the outskirts of Detroit. By the time they parked and staggered into their rooms, no one had anything to say. Even Teri was quiet as she dragged herself into bed.
“Clubbing?” Teri was curled up in the back of the bus. She’d gotten up, put on comfy clothes, ate a yogurt parfait from their fridge, and was warming up with a cup of hot chocolate. She was happy that they had a good machine on board that made a fresh cup on demand. She’d slept in and simply moved from her hotel over to the bus to veg. They’d finished playing last night, but she was still tired when she woke. She’d gotten a hot shower and cleaned up but wasn’t ready for Prime Time.
“Yep. You know Travis, right?” Tiffany had a grin on her face and mischief in her eyes.
“Sure. Six-one, broad shoulders and chest, curly brown ponytail, and hazel eyes.”
“Uh, hazel eyes, huh.” Tiffany’s smile grew bigger.
“What?” Teri was not quite following Tiffany’s thinking and knew she was laughing at her. Her first impulse was to throw something at her just to get that grin off her face, but she held back, knowing that she was just tired.
“You’re paying close attention to those men, girly. And only girls describe eyes as being hazel. You’re getting girly, girly, girly.”
Teri stopped being angry and realized that she was being played. She shrugged. “If the high heel fits, ya gotta wear it! But what’s all this excitement about clubbing?”
Tiffany stopped and looked carefully. “Have you ever been clubbing?”
Teri shook her head. “The one time you initiated me into the Wildcats, and I got my tattoo. We went clubbing that night. But that was a hazy experience.”
Tiffany laughed. “Hard to believe that I was more sober than you were that night. So, we’re going clubbing after we play at the House of Blues in Detroit tonight. Your new boyfriend, Travis, is from Detroit and said The Bath House stays open until four in the morning! He was raving about it.”
Teri blurted out, “Is he going?”
“Ooh, we just got somebody’s attention. Who finally woke up on the right side of the couch. He is cute. Good body, too. But sleeping with the help is not good for an eighteen-year-old.”
Teri was shocked that the conversation went from idle thoughts to serious. “I’m not planning on sleeping with anyone. I’m meeting up with Jenn when we get to Chicago, and we have Sunday off. Maybe a little catching up.”
Tiffany was making herself a cup of coffee. “I know. Did you look at the schedule? We’re working four and five days a week for the rest of the month.”
“I saw that and asked Richard. He did point out that we have a whole week off from the tour at the beginning of July. That’s cool.”
Tiffany was nodding. “Sure. I’ve already told Mike to clear his calendar. We’re going somewhere.”
“Not hanging with family on the Fourth?”
“We decided to celebrate Independence Day another time cause this little darling needs to hump her boyfriend in an exotic location.”
Teri thought about Jenn's once-mentioned Tahiti. She decided to do a Google search and found that the flight was fifteen hours from O’Hare. She also realized that they could be in Hawaii in nine hours. After that, she had a big grin on her face and thought about surprising her. Maybe a call to feel her out was in order before she purchased first-class tickets and a hotel.
As Tiffany was walking away, another thought came to her mind. “Hey, Tiffany. What do you wear to go clubbing?”
Tiffany grinned. “Something tight, sexy, comfortable, and it’s gotta breathe. And hot shoes that won’t hurt your feet.”
Teri tried to think about that list. “Would you be changing after the show before we go out?”
Tiffany shrugged. “Nah. Stage sweaty translates to club sweaty. Probably not. Just picking something out that makes me the center of attention.”
Teri laughed. “Everything you wear!”
As Tiffany walked off, she looked, shook her hips, and said, “Duh!”
“Hey!”
Tiffany stopped and sighed. “What, Little?” She pretended to look at a non-existent watch on her wrist and tapped the non-existent face. “You get one more question, 'cause I’ve got places to go and people to see.” With that, she jumped on the couch next to her and snuggled in with her.
Tiffany looked her in the eyes. “You’re adorable when you have that sleepy look. Remind me to wake up next to you the first chance I get.”
Teri laughed and leaned in so they were touching. “What kind of club is named The Bath House?”
Tiffany nuzzled her neck. “The bad kind, honey. You gotta look up a bath house in your Google. No club is for church-going, God-fearing people. Clubs are for sinners. Kinda like Hell with air conditioning and better music.”
Teri watched her walk off, dancing as she went. She realized she didn’t know the first thing about dancing but knew she could bounce up and down with the music forever. She started flashing on being groped by strangers but took a deep breath knowing she wasn’t going alone.
Music blasting,
Lights flashing,
People jumping up and down
Music spinning
Non-stop dancing
Joy happens all around
Bodies crashing
toes get stepped on
Random hands start groping
Sweating, laughing
Spinning round
As alcohol clouds your mind
Next day headache
Bloodshot brain
Start all over again
“Hey!”
“Rock Star! How’s my baby?”
“Countin’ the days til I can see you.”
Teri heard a pause.
“Uh. I wasn’t going to say this over the phone, but there’s no easy way to break it to you.”
Teri felt her pulse quicken and the ‘what-ifs’ started her heart racing. She heard her voice crack and croaked out, “What?”
Jenn sounded concerned. “Uh, I decided to marry Tony. He came out to visit and swept me off my feet. I couldn’t help myself, Rock Star. You know. He’s so bright and caring. I’m sorry.”
Teri suddenly knew that this was Jenn’s tease and decided that two can play that game. “Oh, I guess I should congratulate the two of you and hope you find happiness together. I guess I’ll have to find somebody else to go to Hawaii with me, the first week in July. Maybe Don will want to go.”
Teri counted to five before Jenn shouted, “Hawaii!”
“Uh-huh. The band is off for a week and Tahiti is just too far to go for just a week. Shame I’ve got these first-class tickets and a place to stay and all. But maybe my boy will keep me company. Maybe we can double date when we get back.”
“Teri! Hawaii! Oh, wow!”
“Oh. You sound excited. Is that where you’re going with Tony on your honeymoon? I would have thought it would be someplace cheesier, like driving a rental car to Las Vegas.”
“Really? We’re going to Hawaii?”
“Yeah. The band’s still out in the Midwest so I thought Chicago to Hawaii in nine hours. But maybe I can get two more tickets and another room for you guys. Maybe that would be my wedding gift to the happy couple. I better cut this short and try to call the travel agency. Bye.” She hung up and wondered how long it would take to be called back.
Two minutes later, her phone rang. “Well, hi Jenn. How ya doin'?”
“Dammit, Teri. You’re no fun. All I’ve been thinking about for the past four days is how much I miss you. I don’t like sleeping by myself.”
“Me either. And when Tiffany and I were talking about our week off, she said that she and Mike were going away. I immediately thought of treating you to Tahiti, but like I said, a week won’t cut it. I was thinking that maybe after Labor Day and the Central Park concert, we could take some serious time away. By then, I’ll have money to burn and be burned out, too.
“Uh, Rock Star, how about my college classes? I’m supposed to start Freshman orientation at the end of August.”
“Okay. I guess I could ask Don. I don’t know what his plans are.”
“Stop it. My classes end early in December and don’t start up until February. Plenty of time to shower me with love.”
“I like showering you with hugs and kisses. And you know, I’ll have a hotel room when we get to Chicago.”
“I was hoping to fool around with you in your big bus. Close those curtains and do it while everyone is walking around.”
“Hmm. Got some long weeks ahead in the Mid-West. I can smuggle you aboard, and you can live in my little bunk. Sneak out when everyone is gone. You can be the bus ghost.”
“Now you’re talking. Groupie on a bus. Like that movie, “Almost Famous.”
“My favorite is “Streets of Fire.” I own a DVD of that. It’s so good.”
“You could afford a whole collection of DVDs now.”
“Uh-huh. I’m doing that with vinyl.”
“Wish I was rich like you.”
“You can be. Do you have a checking account?”
“Yeah. A little one that my mom opened for me.”
“I’ll write you a check when I see you in Chicago and you can be rich, too. How much do you need to be rich?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it.”
“How’s fifty thousand?”
“What? You’re crazy!”
“That’s less than a quarter of what I’ve got. And in September I’ll have a million dollars more. Then you can be richer.”
“Teri, I’m looking forward to seeing you. It’s so weird that I just can’t be with you. That makes me want you more.”
When they were done saying their goodbyes, Teri called their travel agent back in Allentown and got round-trip first-class tickets on a direct flight to Hawaii. They’d fly out of Chicago on July 1st early in the morning. After the lady on the phone confirmed the return date and said she’d get the best ocean view and optional activities to take advantage of during the day.
Then, Teri went to find Richard who could tell him about their venue.
“It seats five thousand, and you sold out two nights. Because this is a long week and you’re performing for five nights, you’ll get an opening act. They’re called the D City Band. Bill Wiggins wants them to open both nights. I think he’s thinking about signing them for Warners. They go on at eight and play until nine-thirty. You go on after that and stop at eleven thirty. A two-hour show only. You have five shows this week and four next week and four the following week. I’m not keen on stretching you and the band. I don’t want to see fatigue and remember you’ll get July 1st through the 7th off. No tour for a week.”
Teri saw all the Cats for dinner at six. She was all excited because their chef had grilled portobello mushroom burgers with all the fixings. Naturally, they all poured Heinz Ketchup on their burgers and sweet potato fries.
Lisa watched her sister add red onion, local tomatoes, relish, and a touch of mayo then stare at the results. Lisa laughed and grabbed it off of her plate. “Thanks, little sister. That’s just the way I like it.”
Teri watched her sister take a big bite out of the burger and smile. Without losing a beat, she turned and smiled and said, “Can I fix anyone else a burger?”
When no one else said a word, they all watched as Teri made her sandwich and ate it quietly. She smiled and acted like she’d made that burger all along for her sister.
When they were all done eating, Tiffany cleared her throat and quietly asked, “What are we doing tonight? No one’s said a word about playing, set lists, or what’s going out afterward. Why is everyone so close-mouthed?”
Everyone shrugged and looked at Teri and Lisa sitting and nibbling on their fries. They’d made a pool of ketchup and were both dipping together. Teri looked at her sister and shrugged. “Lisa’s all about the set lists and really, we’ve been playing like a well-oiled machine. I don’t see a point of messing around when we’re doing so well. I don’t know anything about our opening act. I’m looking forward to hearing them. And Tiffany said we might go clubbing afterwards.”
Lisa smiled and continued to nibble on her fries. “I pretty much go along with Little. We sound good and everyone seems to enjoy the show. I’m a bit concerned about how much we’re working over the next three months. I think working five nights a week is tough, maybe too much. Since it’s our first touring experience, I guess will keep playing until the wheels fall off.”
Zoe stood up and shook her head. “Yeah, I know I can handle the guitar parts, but I’m more concerned about vocals and Gina pounding away. Those are the parts that I’m worried about wearing out. We’ve played four nights at the Rendezvous, and we’ve played weeks at a time on the road. I’m worried we might burn out.”
Gina smiled. “Sure. A lot of drummers have hand problems as they age. I think it might be good to talk to a doctor and maybe a physical therapist now rather than wait until I crack. But I want to know the story with the hamburger tonight. I’ve never seen Lisa behave that way. I expected Teri to strike back but nothing happened. I mean, what gives?”
Lisa smiled. “It’s kinda like a sister thing. Just between us.”
Teri sat back and smiled. , so it
“No. That’s not an answer. Seriously, what’s going on?”
Teri looked at her sister and watched her shrug. “Okay, so it’s her birthday. And I’m supposed to do something for her and she gets to chose. It was a growing up thing.”
Everyone started singing Happy Birthday which devolved into Old MacDonald and the e-i-e-i-o.
After everyone calmed down, Lisa sighed. “I’m kinda agreeing with Teri. I think it’s important to sound good and do well. I don’t want us to wear out. Teri and I were talking, and we thought maybe designing some spaces where each of us has a few minutes to catch our breath. But not tonight. I think we’re on a roll and since this is our first time playing in Detroit and Chicago, I think they’ll be press watching and writing reviews.”
Tiffany smiled. “Speaking about the press, I think we’d better talk to Gimli and have him look at this schedule. I think we should agree to cap things at four nights a week unless there’s some dire need.”
Zoe was nodding. “If we were playing four festivals for an hour each, we can juggle another show in there that week.
Teri was fidgeting. “Okay, so about this club thing. I don’t want to go with just Tiffany. I need protection. Is anyone else going?” She watched the rest of the Cats shrug, and Gina said, “If it’s Lisa’s birthday, we gotta celebrate, right?”
Teri sighed. “Good. I feel better if you’re going. Now that Mac and Jessica have disappeared while we’re in the mid-west, I’m shy going into a club with strangers. I kinda pictured myself dancing with Travis. He’s cute and maybe we could become friends.”
When everyone broke into laughter at the same time, she knew they were laughing at her.
“What?”
Tiffany grabbed her hands. “Little, you are so innocent. You think some hunky roadie will look at you and just want to be friends? C’mon. Like friends with benefits.”
“Huh?”
They stared at her. Gina whispered, “You’ve never heard of Friends With Benefits?”
Teri shook her head. “Should I know what that means?”
Lisa whispered in her ear.
Teri looked shocked. “No. Not that. Oh, definitely not that. Why can’t we just be friends? You know, laugh and talk. Nothing like that!”
Zoe shook her head. “Uh, since you’re playing on our team now, you need a lesson. Guys don’t understand just being friends with beautiful women. Uh, they only want to do one thing.”
“Seriously, one thing.” Tiffany was grinning. “But you can be in charge of that one thing, kinda.”
“So, there’s not dancing with Travis tonight and just having fun?”
“Sure. But you’re going to want to touch him. Like feel his muscles and have him hold you.”
“Uh. How’d you know?”
They all laughed. Gina put her hand on her knee. “Cause you’re obsessed. It’s all you can think about.”
“How come none of you think about guys?”
Lisa smiled. “I do.”
Tiffany raised her hand. “I do, too.”
Zoe was smiling. “Sure.”
“Why am I the only one who’s going crazy about this?”
“Cause you think there’s more to it. You’re like dreaming of Cinderella going with the Prince to his castle. He’s going to sweep you off your feet and adore you, kissing you and stuff. You’re not thinking about him being overcome with testosterone range and mauling you, kinda like your nightmare in Sea Isle City.”
“Does it have to always end up where I’m mauled?”
Tiffany was smiling. “Being mauled is fun with the right guy. I like it when Mike takes control.”
Teri looked all around, and they were all smiling and nodding.
Gina shook her head. “You love it when Jenn takes charge and mauls you, right?”
Teri was blushing. “Yeah. But we’ve worked all of that out. We know what turns each other on. It’s nice.”
“Well, guys can be tamed. Kinda like riding a stallion. That’s fun, too.” Lisa smiled at her sister.
Teri shook her head. “So just having a friend won’t work.”
Tiffany smiled. “Nope. Friends With Benefits means you both benefit. You know, like just having sex without all the relationship stuff.”
Teri found herself crossing her arms. “So let me get this clear. You can only have guy friends if you have sex with them. But Jenn shares my guy friends.”
Lisa shook her head. “Think about it. Does she act like one of the guys?”
“No.”
Gina smiled. “There’s only one kind of guy to be really friends with like you’re friends with us. Guys that aren’t interested in women.”
Teri’s eyes opened wide. “Oh.”
Teri was in a tizzy. She didn’t want to tell Jenn that the band was all going to a club tonight after playing. She worried it might upset things between them. She was afraid it would open up too many cans of worms and was tired of being on the defensive.
Before they left for the House of Blues to play, she texted Tiffany and asked her to send a photo of what she was going to wear. Tiffany had said earlier that she was going straight from the show to the club. Teri was at a loss and was wondering if Tiffany’s outfit could give her an idea of what she should wear. Was club wear the same as a stage costume?
There was a knock on the door, and Tiffany announced that she was outside. After opening the door, Teri watched Tiffany stroll into the room.
“Hey, Little. I’ve decided to be your support person tonight. You should look closely at my gorgeous outfit and savor the beauty that stands before you.”
Tiffany was wearing bright blue satin hot pants. Teri thought they were the tightest, tiniest, cutest hot pants ever.
She couldn’t take her eyes from Tiffany’s crotch. “Uh, they’re beautiful. You are beautiful. They are so tight and so tiny. You should be declared illegal.”
Tiffany grabbed her, pulling her in tightly. So close that their boobs were mashed against each other. Then, she looked Teri in the eyes as she kissed her on the lips and kissed her again.
Teri moaned, feeling the heat bubbling up inside her. She felt her breath grow shorter, her heart beat faster, and she knew her eyes were growing wider. She opened her mouth to speak, but Tiffany stuck her thumb in there, causing Teri to suck down hard.
Tiffany continued to grip her fiercely and slathered kisses on her ears, neck, and eyelids. She whispered, “You like this, right?”
Teri sucked down on Tiffany’s thumb and nodded her head up and down.
Tiffany pushed her back, holding her at arm’s length. “You are amazing. I’ve never seen anyone go from zero to one hundred miles an hour so quickly. Jenn must love turning you on. You are such an eager puppy.”
Teri felt Tiffany pull her thumb away and grab her chin. She was getting dizzy from what Tiffany was doing to her. Her voice sounded hoarse. “You’re making me crazy," she said.
“Did Zoe make you crazy like this the other day?”
Teri was dumbfounded. “She told you?”
“Of course, all of us share. I told her that was the most selfless thing she could have given you. I know Gina mentioned something, but I never realized you had such a quick trigger. Did you just have an orgasm?”
Teri nodded her head. “A little one, just one.”
“Hmmm. When you and Jenn are going at it, how many orgasms do you have?”
“Big ones or little ones?”
“Tell Mother.”
“Lots of little ones and maybe four or five big ones.”
“How many does Jenn have?”
“I like to bring her to at least three or four.”
Tiffany stood back and released her tight grip on Teri. “Okay, sex kitten. Time to check out the rest of the outfit.”
Teri saw that she was wearing a matching bolero-length jacket in the same material. It was perfectly tailored to her body. Teri watched as she pulled off her jacket to reveal an ivory-colored chemise covered in lace.
“Oh, wow, Tiff. You look amazing. And you’re not afraid to wear this to a dance club?”
“Oh, no, honey. And check out the shoes.”
Teri looked down to see that she was wearing flats in the same blue as her outfit.
“Pretty cool, huh?”
“Did you get all of that from Jersey Girl?”
“Of course. I just ask.”
Teri knew she was staring, but Tiffany wanted to be stared at.
“Now, Little. Let’s see what you were thinking of.”
Teri showed her three things: a shiny black jumpsuit, a pair of capris and a blouse, and a little black dress. “I didn’t know what was appropriate," she said.
Tiffany was nodding. “Do they all fit?”
Teri nodded.
“Okay. Let’s see the jumpsuit.”
Teri decided to get undressed in front of Tiffany and pulled off her yoga pants and tee. Her underwear was navy blue.
Tiffany reached over and cupped her breast. “Not fair, Little. You have more than me. All I have is an A-cup.”
Teri blushed and took the opportunity to slip on the jumpsuit before Tiffany decided to explore her more. Her little appendage was small enough that she barely needed to tuck, but it didn’t belong on a woman.
Tiffany watched as she pulled up the tight, black jumpsuit that had molded to her body. It was shiny, with Capri-length pants and capped sleeves. One oversized black zipper ran up from her crotch to her chest.
As she was zipping it up, Tiffany reached out and stopped her hand when the zipper was below her breasts. They were exposed but not revealing a nipple. “That’s it, baby! That’s what you wear to a club.”
“But…”
“But, what?”
“But I’m exposed! I mean, I could just fall out.”
“Cool. You just tuck yourself back in like it happens all the time. You have to become the Queen of Cool tonight. And one more thing.”
Teri stopped to listen.
“No orgasms tonight. Don’t look for anyone or encourage anyone to hold you too close. Tonight you dance with us or by yourself. And if someone comes up behind you and grabs you, you spin around and step sideways. You’re not going hunting tonight for a new best friend.”
“You’re making me out like I’m an idiot.”
“No. You confusing going to a dance with a dance club. Try to rethink this evening. You’re picturing this like a high school dance where the boys all stand together and cross the gym one at a time to ask a girl to dance. That’s not a club scene. There is no couple dancing. It’s more like our forty-five-minute sets where the music never stops.”
“Picture this: The lights are flashing, the bass is thumping, and the music is so loud it consumes your senses. People go to clubs to let themselves go. Tonight, you’re going to lose your mind and let the music make you dance. It’s just supposed to be fun. Kinda like playing to sixty-five thousand people at a festival. Most of those people are just coming to have a mind-blowing good time.”
“Uh, you said most.”
“Right. Not everyone who goes to a club is good. There are pickpockets. There are perverts, and there are haters. You have to take some precautions. Never order a mixed drink that someone can drop shit into. You don’t want to get drugged up. Get a bottled beer or bottled water where you open the top. Just sip it. Hang on to it, but once you set it down, that’s it. Walk away and trash it. Just buy another.”
“And I’m going to be with you every step of the way. All of us are going tonight, and we’re going to circle the wagons to protect you. When we rest, we’ll get a table and just hang out until we’re ready to go again. We’ll screen all the guys who want to dance with you.”
“We’re all going to be your moms tonight. Thumbs up, thumbs down. If we don’t like the guy, we pull the cord, and the trap door takes him down to the shark and alligator pit, never to be seen again.”
“You’re acting like I can’t be trusted.”
“No, sweetie. We’re acting like it’s your first time and want you to have fun. Clubs are great and will give you a different perspective of being on the other end of our show. If you have orgasms dancing, well, join the club. That’s what it’s about.”
Teri nodded. “Okay, I get it, and I’m thankful that the Cats are going to keep me safe tonight. By the way. How old do you have to be to go to a club?”
“If they serve alcohol, you will need to show ID to get in. Do you still have your Tasha ID that says you’re twenty-two?”
Teri nodded.
“Good. Well, if you get carded, you’re covered. But I doubt that we’ll get carded tonight.”
“Why?”
“Because five beautiful dolls go straight to the front of the line. Your buddy Travis will use us to get in if there’s a line.”
“Why would there be a line at midnight”
“Clubs don’t open until ten, and they have to count their numbers for the Fire Marshal. So, are you excited?”
“Crazy excited.”
They were sitting down in the back of the House of Blues, eagerly watching the act on the stage. The D-City Band had two lead singers, two brass players, a bass player, a guitarist, and a drummer. The two singers also played a keyboard and bongos. They opened with a lot of Motown mixed in with Eminem, Bob Seger, and some amazing soul legends.
As they watched, Teri turned to her sister. “They’re playing all Detroit acts, lots of talented people.”
Lisa nodded. “But so far, all I’ve heard are covers. I’m wondering if they have any originals.”
Ten minutes later, the male singer came up and said, “Bruno Mars wrote this tune for us.”
After that, they would announce that different artists had penned songs for them. It became apparent that Warner’s was feeding them songs, and they were stylizing them.
Zoe whispered, “They’re really good. There's a lot of talent there.” Lisa looked at them. Where are their weak points?”
Gina laughed, “Percussion.”
Tiffany turned and said, “Better horns.”
Lisa looked at Teri. “You want to write some songs for them? I’m sure Wiggins would love that.”
Teri laughed. “Well, I’m pretty busy right now, and I don’t think they’d dig the Vampire songs we wrote for EBR.”
Later, after the opening act had disappeared, they were all strapped in and standing on the stage. Teri looked out and wondered what this audience would think after listening to the D-City Band. Before she could think about it, Gina started pounding on her drums, and a voice on the PA system simply said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, Please Welcome The Wildcats.”
They vanished if she had any doubts that this crowd had come to see them. As they all stepped to the front and the spotlights found them, Teri could see everyone on their feet clapping along. Then, she heard Zoe yell out into her mic, “C’mon, Teri. Play that guitar!”
She was suddenly struck by the soul of Eddie Van Halen moving through her. Wrenching feedback, bending notes, playing high-speed strings with the fingers from both her hands and chording like a maniac, she lit the place up. After a minute or two, she realized that the show was just beginning. Remembering Lisa’s sage advice, “It’s not a sprint; It’s a marathon," she yelled into her mic, “C’mon, Zoe!”
While she passed the lead over to Zoe, Tiffany filled in the bottom with high-speed super bass that echoed off the walls. Before long, Lisa stood at the mic and yelled out, “Hello Detroit!" and began singing the opening lyrics of Run, Run, Gone!
The whole place was with them shouting back, “Run!” along with the entire band. After playing the song through twice, Zoe stepped on the ending of the song with the opening chords from Downward Spiral.
And they were off.
After fifty minutes of non-stop playing, the band stopped so Lisa could talk to the crowd. “Thank you, Detroit! We're excited to play for you tonight and tomorrow at The House of Blues. And how about the D-City Band? Aren’t they great?”
Waiting for the applause to die down, she waved and pointed out the members of the band. Each was getting applause, but Tiffany and Teri were getting whoops and hollers, too. Lisa read the crowd and looked at Tiffany. As if it was mental telepathy, she started her bass introduction to Show Me Some Love, which had everyone up on their feet and dancing. As each instrument joined in, Tiffany came to the mic. She turned and stared at Teri from across the stage. Then she started softly cooing. “Oh, Teri. You look so wonderful tonight.”
The crowds roared and ate it up.
Tiffany looked at the crowd and then turned again to Teri, who was playing and watching but did not acknowledge Tiffany. “Oh, Teri. You look so sexy tonight.” She emphasized sexy.
Teri turned and looked at Tiffany as if to ask, "Where did you come from?" “Oh, Tiffany…”
Tiffany’s voice was dripping with passion. “Oh, Teri. You make my heart beat faster.”
Teri repeated, “Oh, Tiffany.” And moaned.
Tiffany fanned herself and said, “Oh, Teri. I love you.”
Teri just started moaning.
Lisa had moved to the Theremin and started getting spacey sounds from it. Zoe had begun using her amp and guitar to provide feedback and a cacophony of various noises. Tiffany stated blasting away on her bass, and Teri used a glass slide on one finger to bend notes. Gina was going crazy back on her drums.
As the noise grew louder, Tiffany started repeating, “Oh, Teri," and clicked a foot pedal that added those words to a looping machine.
Teri did the same thing with her moans until the entire place was lifted high and away from Detroit on their orgasmic ride.
Then Zoe stopped playing, Lisa stopped her Theremin, and Teri stopped and clicked off her moaning loop.
All that was left was Tiffany going back to the starting basic baseline and the loop of her moaning over and over, “Oh, Teri," until she clicked her foot pedal and stopped playing. She leaned into the mic and whispered, “We’ll be back in a few minutes. Get your phones out and ready.”
As they walked off the stage to the cheering crowd, Zoe turned and smiled at Lisa. “Good call, coach. You heard what they wanted and gave it to them.”
“Right, but where does that leave us for our Show Us Your Love ending?” Tiffany was puzzled.
Lisa nodded. “We do the song without the space twins. Just the music and the lyrics. They’ll be busy chanting along.”
Richard appeared. “Excuse me, Teri. Do you have a minute?”
Teri smiled. “Sure, Richard. What’s up?”
Richard whispered in her ear, and Teri smiled. Then she returned to the group, which had already put on their Fur Face suits.
“What was that about?”
“Just some arrangement ideas about our encore. Richard thought we should do something special just for Detroit.”
Lisa was talking out loud. “We did the Detroit Wheels medley with Smith in North Carolina.” She stopped and looked at her sister. “No. You didn’t!”
Teri just grinned and watched Smith walk up behind her.
Lisa saw where all the eyes were turned. She turned and fell into the arms of her boyfriend, Smith Walters.
Tiffany laughed. “How’d you do that, Little?”
Teri shrugged. “I was talking to Bill about some of the arrangements that I’d written up for Eaten’s new album. And I mentioned that we were in Detroit, then Chicago. I wondered aloud how doing an encore with Smith would be so cool. And then maybe do some real Chicago blues on Saturday night. You heard his harp and how he did a great job with Howlin’ Wolf and Buddy Guy.”
Gina was laughing. “And you and Bill, as in William Wiggins, head of Warner’s, just made it happen.”
Teri smiled. “I don’t know. Bill said something about their jet flying in to watch our Chicago show. So I suggested he come early and bring Smith.”
They were all still watching Lisa and Smith kissing. Zoe asked, “So Wiggins is here?”
“Nah. He flew on to Chicago for meetings. So Smith has a round trip ticket back to LA from Chicago.”
“Is that where EBR is practicing and recording?”
“Just practicing. Their album was recorded in the little studio where we practiced. You remember, down in the Treme.”
“How are you doing the arrangements if you’re here?”
“Oh, that’s already finished. Now they’re revitalizing some of their old songs, and I’m helping with the arrangements.”
“Well, somebody needs to tell Lisa to come up for air. The little yellow chick needs to be out on stage.”
Lisa came up and hugged her sister. “Oh, my God! I love you!”
The stage lights went up as the five Wildcats waddled out on stage. The crowd cheered and chanted "Fur Face."
When Lisa donned Teri’s guitar, pressed some buttons, and began playing a heavy metal three-chord pattern. Zoe played the dirtiest, screaming guitar as Teri stepped to the mic.
There was no way that Teri, dressed as a brown and white bunny with huge floppy ears, could muster a scowl as she began singing the lyrics to Fur Face. And the crowd loved it as they sang along. But when Tiffany stood at her mic and did her rap, the crowd went wild and rapped with her.
After the last verse and chorus, the stage went black. They were still chanting “Fur Face” when the spotlight found Teri seated at the concert grand piano playing the introduction to Bach’s Concerto for Cello and Piano. Everyone listened.
Then, a spotlight found Tiffany sitting on a stool, her long, beautiful legs wrapped tightly around her electric cello. You could have heard a pin drop as five thousand people sat, watched, and listened to her performance.
A third spotlighted Lisa as she sang the lyrics to their new song, Chances. The audience heard every word as the piano and cello accompanied her. The sound of Zoe’s feedback began rumbling throughout the silence of the hall. As she walked to the front, eyes were on her as she swayed and played.
When Teri’s guitar and Tiffany’s roaring bass joined Gina pounding her drums, Chances became a hard-rocking song played by five true musicians. As Lisa screamed and shouted the words, forming a fifth instrument, the crowd was enjoying something new and crazy.
But just as it started, soon, all that was left was Zoe still playing her loud rock. When she stopped, Teri was back at the piano playing Chances as if Bach had written it himself. People gasped when Tiffany returned to her cello and played. When Teri’s part ended, Tiffany played the most beautiful ending to Bach’s Concerto for Piano and Cello.
When she stopped, she just sat there until the roar of the audience consumed her. She stood, curtsied, and the light went out.
When all the Cats appeared back on stage, they played the remainder of their songs, ending with Summer Song and Show Me Some Love. When they walked off the stage, they all knew they were coming back for an encore.
When the band returned, Lisa talked about their new album of live and studio songs. She explained that everything except Chances and Bach were on there. “You’ll have to wait for Chances because it’s a song for the movie coming out this fall with Brad Pitt and George Clooney. And another guy in it was the lead singer of Eaten By Raptors. But EBR is so long ago that nobody probably remembers those guys.”
As everybody cheered and chanted E-B-R repeatedly, Teri began the introduction of Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels hit version of Devil With A Blue Dress and Good Golly Miss Molly! on their synthesizer. As he did, a guy walked out on stage wearing jeans, scuffed boots, and a pressed, white Western shirt. He picked up the mic and began to sing.
The audience recognized the voice from nine years ago because their hits were still playing all the time on the radio. Lisa shouted out, “Smith Walters, Smith Walters!”
As Smith sang, the Wildcats became the Detroit Wheels, playing and singing backup until Zoe played that recognizable guitar intro to Good Golly, Miss Molly! Lisa and Smith shared the lead in the song.
“You know your sister isn’t going clubbing with us, not with Smith here.”
“Yeah, I figured that. I even wondered if clubbing was even a guy thing.”
“It’s more of an age thing for him. But you didn’t hear it from me.”
“Hey, are we still going?”
“Sure. But watch. Zoe’s gonna bail next.”
“Baby?”
“Uh-huh.”
Teri, Gina, Tiffany, Travis, and Leon all walked into the club together. Gina slid two fifties into the bouncer’s hand as he waved them through. As they weaved through the mass of dancing bodies, Teri held Tiffany’s hand firmly and looked all around. She couldn’t hear anything, and the music overwhelmed her senses. Travis led them to a roped-off section, and they all sat down at a table marked reserved.
The Wildcats all stared at him.
Travis blushed. “I went to school with the owner’s son.”
Tiffany said, “High school?”
“Uh, grad school.”
Tiffany was shocked. “How old are you?”
Travis blushed. “Twenty-five. Engineering. That’s why I wanted to work with Phil. And my dad knows Mr. Wiggins, so they put in the good word.”
“You need an advanced degree to move amplifiers?”
“Sure. After years of classes, touring is awesome! He looked up to see a waitress standing there. “Beers?”
Teri made the mistake of drinking hers too fast. Realizing that she should have ordered water. After emptying her bottle, she put both hands on the table and stood. She shouted above the music, “Who wants to dance?”
As they all downed their beers, Teri followed Tiffany to the dance floor. People opened up a hole as the tall blonde danced her way to the middle of the crowd. The five of them formed a circle and started dancing. Teri took all her cues from Gina and Tiffany until she felt the rhythm and just let loose.
Her eyes were closed when she felt a tap on her shoulder, and Tiffany said, “Bathroom.”
It was a lot quieter inside the tiled room until the door opened. Teri concentrated on her hair. Tiffany had insisted she pull it all up in a massive ponytail and create curled bangs on her face for the show. She’d also insisted on a red stain on her lips for tonight.
“Red is a power color, baby. And you’re powerful tonight.”
Teri really was enjoying her dancing when another body stepped between her and the circle. She looked at Tiff and Gina, and they both shrugged. So she smiled and danced.
As the music changed, she looked over at her partner. She was momentarily confused as to the sex of the person dancing with her. She had highly teased, bleach-blonde hair, elaborate makeup, and tight, glittery clothing. But under the tight clothes was a boy’s body. She realized that she was having a good time and this person was just enjoying the dancing.
Eventually, Gina whispered in her ear, “Let’s take a break. Invite your friend back to our table if you want.”
Teri impulsively grabbed her arm and led her back to the table. When they all sat down, and she had a chance to study her, she wondered. This person was not trying to fool anyone. She was really all dressed up for the party.
Teri stuck out her hand and leaned in to say, “I’m Teri.”
“Angel. But I know who you are. You’re Terry Nelson, and I love you and the Wildcats. I have tickets with my friends to go to tomorrow’s show. Wait until you see the outfit I picked out!”
Teri was trying to think of something to say, and Angel took that as an opportunity to continue talking about himself. “I know you’re trying to figure me out. I guess they don’t have a lot of femme boys back in Allentown. But that’s me. I totally love everything about you and have followed you for ages. And when I saw you were coming to Detroit, we all had to buy tickets. All of us dolls are coming tomorrow night. And, of course, my boyfriend refused. He paid for my ticket but is shy when I get all carried away in public.”
Teri found herself nodding. She was handed another beer and started drinking. Angel was still talking when the bottle was empty. “Hey, Angel. You wanna dance some more?”
As Angel grabbed Teri’s hand, she looked back. She saw they were all getting up to join them, but Teri felt happy and maybe a little drunk.
When she woke up and looked at the clock, she was surprised to see that it was two o’clock. Afternoon! As she started to get out of bed, she had to wait for the spinning to stop. She was happy she was in a private hotel room and not on the bus.
As she leaned over the toilet, waiting to see if her stomach was going to empty itself out, she realized that she had been drunk and was now hungover. She called room service and ordered black coffee and dry toast.
Stepping out of the shower, she wrapped herself in a robe and answered the door to get her coffee. Sitting down to drink it, she saw another text from Don and one from Jenn. She put her phone down and concentrated on keeping the coffee and the dry toast down.
Later on, she called Jenn. “Hey!”
“Hey, yourself, Rock Star. What’s up?”
“The usual life of a teen rock star. Just flying in my private jet and playing with my groupies. You?”
“Seriously thinking about getting a boy toy to have around while my rock star girlfriend is out on tour. Course that’ll happen after she’s gone again this weekend.”
“Yeah. This week, I’ll be in Ohio, Nebraska, Indiana, and Missouri, one night stands, sleeping on the bus. Like a real old-fashioned tour.”
“Well, at least you have your pick of Wildcats to keep you warm.”
Teri refused to take that bait. “How’s your family?”
Jenn laughed. “I’d really forgotten just how dysfunctional they are all. Spending a few hours with them is my maximum. Hiding out and being a ghost groupie on your bus sounds pretty good.”
“Well, I’ve got a suite in Chicago for two nights. So you’ll have a chance to escape. When are you going back to Allentown?”
“I’m evicted from mom’s house. I had to pack my stuff in storage until I got a place in Philly for school. I’m going to start looking after I see you. I have to get a twelve-month place anyway.”
“You wouldn’t just stay out at the band house and commute to school?”
“I thought about it, but I really do need to pay attention to my classes and do well. I’m pushing for some scholarship money.”
“Why? I can pay for everything. By the way, did you get a check from Richard?”
“Yes. Fifty thousand dollars! That’s crazy!”
“Glad you got it. Deposit it and spend it. When it runs out, you’ll get some more.”
“I’m looking forward to seeing you and snuggling under the covers. I do miss you.”
“Me, too. I’m always thinking about you.”
After the phone call, she texted Don and sent a photo of House of Blues in Detroit. She wrote two nights.
When she was dressed, she called up Tiffany. “Hey.”
“How ya doin', Little? You got hammered last night with your new friend, Angel. Did you have fun? It looked like it.”
“Honestly, all I remember is having a second beer and dancing. Did I have fun?”
“You know, Little. If you’re going to go and have fun, you have to stay sober enough to remember what you did. You won’t appreciate your dancing orgasms.”
“Did I have any?”
“You told me you had three dancing with Angel. At least you don’t have to worry about him getting into your pants.”
“Yeah, what is a femme boy?”
“Is that what he said?”
“Yeah. And he mentioned he had a boyfriend.”
“Sounds right. Just a feminine boy who likes to be pretty and be a bottom to a man.”
“Bottom, like in sex?”
“Uh-huh. You’re the femme in your relationship with Jenn.”
“Yeah. That’s what I heard.”
“I was told to pass the word. Dinner at six. Richard is taking us out. Then we head to the theater. We go on tonight at nine-thirty.”
Teri thought about everything while she waited in the dark on the stage. They would go with last night’s set list and feature Smith in the encore. Of course, Lisa might change things up right on stage. They were just cogs in the machine, playing and having fun. No clubbing tonight since they were in Chicago playing tomorrow night. The word was they were going to convoy at ten in the morning.
Before coming to the show, she made sure everything was cleared out of the drawers and ready to pack. She picked out a stage and travel outfits before leaving for the theater. Everything else was prepared to go.
Tonight, she was wearing a mini dress and tights. Everything was dark green, including her boots. She pulled her hair up in a pony again and curled her bangs. She laughed at herself for looking like a girly girl tonight and wondered if that was where she was heading. She might be leaving Joan Jett behind but heading towards a sexy bad girl. She thought about Debbie Harry and Stevie Nicks.
As Gina’s drums started pounding, she flipped the switch and moved into her rock god persona. Her last thought was how cool it would be to be a Vampire rock star.
Dear Reader,
Wildcat Summer is available on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Wildcat-Summer-Leslie-Moore-ebook/dp/...
There are many chapters to read in the sample
Leslie
Dear Reader,
Wildcat Summer is available on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Wildcat-Summer-Leslie-Moore-ebook/dp/...
There are many chapters to read in the sample
Leslie
Dear Reader,
Wildcat Summer is available on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Wildcat-Summer-Leslie-Moore-ebook/dp/...
There are many chapters to read in the sample
Leslie
Click here on the link to go directly to Being Invisible!
https://www.amazon.com/Being-Invisible-hiding-plain-sight-eb...
After a traumatic bullying incident at Wilson High School, Ethan retreats to his bedroom and never wants to go out again. But, after a year of hiding and homeschooling, he just wishes for a change. “If I was invisible, no one could see me. I wouldn’t be laughed at or teased. I could go where I want and be free!”
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One step at a time.
Several days later, our moms escorted Brooke and me into their studio. All the papers had been signed, and we were excited to start our new careers. We followed the GPS directions to a large office building off Market Street. We parked and rode the elevator until we reached the fourth floor. We followed the signs and pressed the Johnson Portrait Photography buzzer on the door. We could hear footsteps, and Leana opened the door with a smile.
“Hi, everyone!”
Brooke introduced her mom and smiled. I did the same.
Leana reached her hand out and laughed. “I’m Leana. Why don’t you all come in? I hope you can stay with us today and see how things are done. Until everyone is comfortable, it’s good to have an adult here.”
Brooke’s mom smiled. “In the future, Brooke’s older sister, Melody, will come by with the girls. She’s turning eighteen.”
Leana nodded. “Well, if that’s all right with you, that’s good enough for us. We won’t shoot minors without a chaperone ever.”
We all turned when we heard another voice. George was walking towards us, holding a long, bright yellow cable. “C’mon back, and we can show off the magic. I want to walk everyone through what we do here.”
The morning flew by way. Leana showed us the dressing rooms, lockers for our stuff, and a large hair and makeup area. We followed Leana into the dressing rooms. She pointed to several racks of clothing, each one with tags pinned to the outfit. Each outfit had shoes and outerwear. “You find the clothes marked with the number one and put them on. I’m going to be here to help you. I’m not following you into your dressing room unless you ask. After you get dressed, I will pin the clothes to fit them properly. I’m going to help you with hair and makeup, too.”
George waited in the massive studio with high ceilings and big black poles across the ceiling, holding huge lights in big black boxes.
George saw me staring at the lights hanging from the ceiling.
“Haley, all those lights do different things. We store them up there, and I can bring them down on individual cable controls.”
I watched him walk over and start pressing buttons on a big panel on the wall. We all watched as the lights moved up and down and changed direction. “Everything is done remotely, making it easier for me to set up a shoot.”
There were three areas where they took the photographs, and each had a green backdrop. “That color green is a neutral shade. We can use our computers to change the color or insert a scene. We try for flexibility.”
I was nodding. “What other things do you do besides clothing photos for manufacturers?”
He smiled. “We do portraits for individuals and families. Weddings, Quinceaneras, and pet portraits. We can change the lighting to fit whatever our needs. Catalog photography is pretty simple. You stand in front of the green screen, and we take your photo. Leana will help with the poses, and I will shoot. Then we look at the monitor, choose the best, or shoot again.”
Leana nodded. “Once we get into a routine, it’s pretty simple and goes by quickly. We are going to work until three o’clock today. We’ll break for lunch at noon. Altogether, you will be paid for the seven hours in the studio. And right, you get a paid lunch break, too.”
We were ushered back into the dressing room, where Brooke and I hung up our clothes and put on outfits marked with the number one.
I wore white tights and an orange and black jumper, while Brooke wore green tights and a pink and navy jumper. We smiled at each other.
Brooke leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Twinsies.”
Leana found our size in shoes and gave us each a pair of white sneakers. “Remember, everything you try on goes home with you today.”
Once we were dressed, Leana sat us in front of a mirror and worked on Brooke’s hair. I was green with envy because her beautiful hair was pulled back in a high ponytail. Then she turned to me.
“Haley, I can give you various hats or even a wig to try on. But honestly, you have such an angelic face; I think you look good with your short hair.” Then she picked up some gold clip-on earrings, cleaned them with alcohol, and adjusted them to fit.
I looked at Mom, who smiled and nodded. I knew I would get my ears pierced by how she looked at me!
After Leana finished with Brooke’s hair, she used a little airbrush to apply a light coat of foundation to our skin. “This flattens out your complexion for the bright lights. It also removes the glare. You’ll get used to it. Then she applied color to our lips and a bit of mascara. Since we’re not doing close-ups today, we aren’t going to work on making up your faces. But remember, you’re now professional models, and your job is to smile and look happy for the camera.”
I glanced at the moms sitting on stools. They were both grinning and looked like they were having fun.
After fifteen minutes, we changed into outfit number two and repeated the process. I thought the clothes were nice. They were all from the same brand name, and we had done eight different outfits before long.
Leana looked at the clock on the studio wall. “Break time, everyone. Time for lunch.”
As Leana led us into the dressing room to change our street clothes, their door buzzer went off. I watched George grab a roller cart and disappear. When he returned, he had platters of cheese, cold cuts, water, and a huge tossed salad. We all followed him back to the dressing room, which became our lunch room.
As we were helping clean up from our lunch, my Mom smiled and laughed. She looked at Leana. “We’re so jealous of the girl’s new outfits that we’re going shopping. We’ll be back at three o’clock to pick you both up.”
I was exhausted. I didn’t think about how we were both standing and modeling clothes most of the day. I wasn’t used to being on my feet all day. The highlight was when Leana handed us each huge black plastic bag full of clothes to take home.
“They are all neatly folded, and everything is in good condition. Some of the clothes were pinned to fit perfectly, so be careful you don’t discover a safety pin. Check each item carefully.”
As we were walking out the door, Leana smiled at everyone. “Well, have a good couple of days, and I will see you two on Tuesday. It’s a new work week, and you will each work twenty hours. That’s a thousand dollars a week until summer is over.”
We looked at each other and grinned. We knew that we had just walked through a magic door. Brooke’s mom looked at her phone as we waited for the elevator.
“Your dad just texted me. After you get home and clean up, you’re invited to our house for a barbeque.”
Mom smiled after we carried all the clothes down to the laundry room. “Well, now that you’re a working girl, I suppose you want to buy a new car.”
My head swiveled. “Huh? But I’m twelve!”
Mom grinned. “ Too soon? Well, maybe we can schedule a mother-daughter mani-pedi tomorrow after church.”
I suddenly realized that tomorrow would be my first day in church since I’d gotten out of the hospital. Everyone would be staring at the damaged trans girl. I realized that this was going to be my future. I sighed. “Okay. Can we look through the piles and pick out something nice from today?”
Mom nodded. “Do you want me to get the needle and the ice cubes before or after you shower? I know I have some cute gold hoops that will look beautiful on you.”
I started to cry. “This is all too good to be true.”
Mom hugged me. “Oh, no, honey. You just endured a trial by fire by your crazy father and spent weeks in the hospital after that. You deserve some happiness.”
the author withdrew this story because it created a strobing effect inside people's minds
the author withdrew this because it proved dangerous
the author emptied this file to make room for other stories more worthy than this hot mess
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The author withdrew this because is was a hot mess
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Emily started crying. We were eating dinner. I looked over, and everyone was crying. I didn't know why. We had chicken fingers.
Mom just sat there with tears rolling down her face. It was a mad face.
Dad had a worried face. He kept wiping his eyes, and black smudges started to appear. He looked like a raccoon.
I stopped eating and swallowed. I knew I shouldn't talk with my mouth full. I swallowed again and drank some milk. "I don't understand about divorce. Will you still be my parents?"
Mom and Dad turned towards me. Mom nodded, and Dad looked at me. "Of course. It's just that things are changing."
I grew mad. "I know that. You said you're going to become a woman. I knew that already. But, Billy has two moms, and he's fine. His lunches are cool. He always has fruit roll-ups. He shares."
Mom stared at Dad as if she just noticed he was at the table. I noticed. I knew that Dad was changing. He was shrinking, not getting shorter, but he was getting little. He had started wearing smaller clothes, and everything was brighter.
His smells had changed, too. Every time he kissed me goodnight, I could smell flowers. When he hugged me I knew he had boobs. One time, I saw him standing in front of the mirror in their bedroom without his shirt on. He was staring at them. He used both his hands and cupped them together. He didn't see me. I saw him smiling.
He didn't have a scratchy beard anymore. His hair was longer, and he brushed it differently. And he wore make-up. Just a little, kinda like mom. His eyes looked pretty that way.
But now, his eyes were all runny. Mom was crying, and her eyes looked okay.
"How come you don't look like a raccoon, Mom?"
She looked at me. She looked over at Dad. Then she smiled. "My mascara is waterproof. Your fathers isn't."
I looked at my Dad. "Then you need waterproof, too."
Mom looked at Dad. "He's still learning, Frankie."
Emily sat there. She looked at both our parents. "Why are you doing this to me? How can I go back to school? My friends were already asking me questions."
Dad shook his head. "That's why we're all going to counseling. You should mention that to Doctor Clark so she can help you with those questions."
Mom looked at Emily. "What questions?"
Emily looked down at her lap. "The kids wanted to know why Dad looks like a woman now."
Mom's lip quivered. "What did you tell them?"
Emily stared at Dad. "I said I didn't know why. When I asked Dad, he said he was in the wrong body. He said he was born in the wrong body. I can't tell my friends that. Bobby said he was going to cut off his wiener."
I think I laughed. Everyone looked at me. "Sorry." And then I giggled. It sounded so funny like we were all lined up at birth on some assembly line. And this machine in heaven dropped everyone into bodies and Dad was shoved into one that didn't fit.
The wiener thing didn't sound too good either. "How are you going to pee without a wiener? You know Dad's got boobs. I saw them. I can feel them when he hugs me. He smells nice too."
Emily looked at me and made that noise she makes whenever I walk into her room without knocking. "You are so eight. Oh, God." Then, she stared at Dad. "Why? What's wrong with you? Why can't things stay the way they were?"
Mom raised her voice. "Emily. Nothing stays the same. We all change."
Emily looked at Mom. "Don't you love each other anymore?"
Dad looked hurt and stared at Mom.
Mom looked at Dad. "It's different now. It's a different kind of love."
Emily was angry. "Is that why you're getting a divorce? Because you don't love each other anymore?"
Dad nodded. "Things aren't the same. Your mom understands but doesn't want to live with another woman."
I wondered about things not being the same. "But, you're still the same, aren't you? You're still going to be my Dad, right? Will you still make chicken fingers for dinner? Will you still wash our clothes? Where will you go?"
Dad looked at me. He just sat there crying.
Mom smiled. "You'll still have chicken fingers, and I will wash your clothes."
"You don't make chicken fingers like Dad does. I guess he can teach you. If Dad is still learning about mascara, will you learn about chicken fingers?"
Mom laughed. "Yes, I can learn about chicken fingers."
"How about fruit roll-ups? Will I start getting fruit roll-ups like Bobby?"
.
William’s meetings with the bankers had run much longer than expected. There’d been a lot of details to finalize and scheduling another meeting before the new year was out of the question.
It was raining, cold, and windy, a typical New York City December afternoon. With the sun setting and rush hour beginning, William knew getting a cab was going to be a chore.
His reward would be having a drink with Jordan down in the Village. His old friend was an invigorating breath of fresh air. While the rest of his friends had gone on to get married and divorced, Jordan remained their Peter Pan. He never seemed to grow up or even age. Sharing an apartment after college had been one of the best times of William’s life.
He stepped out from the canopied entrance of the office building so the taxis on the avenue could see his outstretched arm. As he did, he felt the presence of another person. He turned and was surprised to see a beautiful woman hailing her own cab.
Even with her hood partially covering her hair and the long coat hiding her figure, he would see her pale white skin and gorgeous face smiling through the dismal gray of sunset. William was having trouble concentrating on his mission.
As a cab pulled over, William opened the door for her. “Here, you take this one and I’ll catch the next.”
“I’m headed downtown. If you’re going that way, we can share.” She smiled.
They both sat in the back seat and politely moved their wet umbrellas away from their dry clothes. William looked at the old fashion Christmas angel hanging from the safety divider between the front and back seats. The angel was looking at the two of them. He motioned for her to tell the cabbie her destination.
“The Hammer and The Nail. Sixth Avenue and Eighth Street.”
William laughed. The world was full of small coincidences. “The same, please.”
He turned to his companion and held out his hand. “I’m meeting a friend at the Nail for drinks. I’m William.”
As she threw back the hood of her coat she revealed more of her dark wavy hair and gorgeous face. “Allison. My shift starts at six. What’s your friend’s name? If he’s a regular maybe I know him.”
“Jordan? Oh, he’s a regular. I think he has his own table there.”
Allison laughed and looked at him carefully. “I do know Jordan. He holds court there. Hmm. Are you a lover?”
“No. Just good friends. We shared an apartment after college.”
“Then you’re going out partying with Jordan tonight?”
William laughed. “So many questions. How about if I get one in?”
Allison smiled and shrugged. “Sure. It’s a long ride in this traffic.”
“How about you? Do you work at the Nail full time?”
“No. I just finished my daytime job. I’m in IT for Bank of America. That’s my building you were standing in front of earlier. You?”
“Real estate. I had to come into the city to get some documents signed. I’m a Jersey boy. Taking the train home after drinks.”
Jillian smiled at his response. “Real estate. I’m envious. I just signed up for a course to get my real estate license.” She turned her head away and looked at the ornament.
Allison turned back to him. “Helping people to find their dream home must be wonderful. Growing up I was never very good at socializing. I always felt out of place and thought I’d end up living in a cave by myself. But tending bar has changed my perspective. I’d think I’d be good at selling.”
She was one of the most attractive women he’d ever met and he instantly wanted to be her cheerleader. “You’d be terrific. Statistics show that appealing people make great salespersons. You’d certainly have the edge over a guy like me.”
“Now, William. I think you’re quite handsome.”
William took a deep breath. Wow, he thought. A bewitching woman telling him that he’s handsome. “Allison, you have made my day. I can go home now and die.” He held his hands over his heart.
Allison laughed and playfully punched him on the arm. “Oh, c’mon, William. I’ll bet the women line up to be with a guy like you.”
“How’d you know I’m not married?”
“William, I’m a bartender. I see the details. No ring, no checking in with your honey. Having drinks with Jordan instead of running home to your wifey.”
“Touché. Unfortunately, my dating history is woeful. My dream woman just doesn’t seem to be out there.”
Allison smiled. “You have a fantasy? The perfect woman?”
“I do. But, I don’t want to bore you. Tell me about your life first. How did a computer geek end up working in a bar?”
“That’s a very good question. When I came up to New York, I had the bank job offer but no friends and no place to live. Sally Dodds, a friend I know from school, was also moving up here. She’s gay and we got a place together. And she discovered The Hammer and The Nail. Since I was new to the city and friendless, I was hanging around with her a lot.
I got to know the owners of the Nail. They helped me out a lot by offering me a job and sort of a second home.”
“So does that mean that you’re gay too?”
Allison frowned and shook her head slowly. “No. I’m not. Life would be so much simpler if I was. But, I’m the oddball that still has no social life and doesn’t date.”
“You don’t date? Why’s that?”
“I’m afraid anyone who dates me would be filled with disappointment. I’m just not your everyday run of the mill kind of girl. It’s a lot simpler to just have friends.”
“Sounds pretty boring.”
She agreed and nodded. “My life is very routine. I work all day keeping computers running for a big bank. And I work in a gay bar a few nights a week. That’s pretty much it. Someday if things pick up I might get a cat.”
“Oh. No cat, dog, please. I’m allergic to cats.”
“I’ll make a note of that. But a dog is impossible to have in the city. How about fish?”
“Fish are fine. You’re saving your money?”
“A girl can have her dreams too. Now tell me about your vision.”
William thought for a minute and found himself staring at the angel again. “Do you believe in love at first sight?”
Allison smiled. “I’ve had some mad crushes but never just jumped in over my head. I’m real careful. I’ve been rejected and hurt.”
“Well, I can’t believe that anyone would hurt or rebuff you. You seem too sweet. But, for me, I believe I’ll know the woman who’s meant for me the instant I see her. And it will be kismet, mutual love that burns forever. It will be someone I want to give my heart to and spend my life making her happy.”
“Oh wow. That’s crazy. You’re a real romantic.”
William agreed. “I know. I’ve been teased about it by everyone I’ve told this to.”
Allison hugged his forearm. “Oh, I wouldn’t tease you. I think that it’s a beautiful notion. I think your woman is going to be the luckiest person in the world. Adoration and love showered on you for all eternity are beautiful.”
William was looking straight into her eyes. He was mesmerized by her creamy skin, deep blue eyes, and crimson lips. She was possibly the most alluring woman he had ever seen. “Seriously? Thank you. My friends accuse me of being old fashion and living in the past. I really do believe that two strong independent people can find mutual love. I really think that fidelity is the kind of thing you work at every day and give one hundred percent.”
Allison squeezed his arm. “You’re one in a million, William.” She took a deep breath and released his arm.
They rode together in silence. William found himself looking at the angel ornament again. Out of the corner of his eye, he realized that Allison was looking at the ornament too.
She spoke still staring at the angel. “It’s a reproduction of an Italian sculpture. Back in the seventeenth-century artists working in factories made the ornaments out of porcelain, cloth, and gold leaf.” Still staring at the angel, Allison spoke. “What’s New Jersey like, William?”
He thought for a minute. “I like it. I’m in Jersey City about thirty minutes from New York. It’s a busy town with back roads leading out into the country. It can be really very charming.”
She caught his eye and smiled. “Sounds wonderful.”
Their taxi pulled over and came to a stop. “Look at that. Here we are and the rain’s ended. Well, enjoy your evening with Jordan. He’s quite entertaining.”
“Thank you, Allison. It’s been my pleasure riding with you. And now that I know where you work, maybe we could go out sometime.”
Allison sighed. “That’s a very sweet offer, but I just don’t date. Over the years I’ve found that friendships are much better for me than relationships.”
William found himself staring at the angel ornament as he paid the driver. He turned and looked at Allison. “You know, I think a friendship with you would be a wonderful thing.”
Allison smiled. “Thank you, William. I hope you and Jordan have a fun evening.” She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
As they exited the cab, he watched her walk into the bar, across to the back, and through a door. She smiled and greeted everyone with a touch or a kiss. Obviously, she was in her element.
William saw Jordan standing at the bar next to another very handsome man. Upon seeing William, he turned away from him with a touch on his arm and a whisper in his ear. Looking straight at Jordan with arms outstretched and a smile on his face, he said “Hey, buddy. Merry Christmas.”
And with that, their evening started.
.
William’s first day of class was a welcomed change. Running his own business exhausted him. Teaching helped him forget the mundane routines that buried him under piles of minutiae.
At 6:30 pm, he flipped on the lights in his Manhattan Community College classroom. He opened the official folder and pulled his class list out. He read through the names and wondered who he’d be teaching.
He heard himself saying welcome to Real Estate Licensing class. Over the next four weeks, you’ll come to understand all the legal ramifications and necessities to earn your license. What he would never say is that you’ll go on to live in a dead end job that pays little and drives you eventually to too much drink and a meager amount job of satisfaction and then one day you’ll turn around and see that you’re thirty-seven and have nothing to show for your life except a few extra pounds, high blood pressure, and a constant state of worry.
Long ago, he learned the hard cold reality that he wasn’t in business for himself. He was at the beck and call of anyone who thought they wanted to pursue their dream house. Most of these people needed a marriage counselor or a psychiatrist before they searched for the perfect open concept, modern, mid-century, new, historic, ranch, two-story colonial, large yard, condominium, castle of their dreams.
He speculated that the reason he hadn’t gotten married was the clients he met in his daily routine were all crazy. His parents were the perfect example. His dad was on his third wife twenty years his junior and his mom lived in Florida, roasting in the sun, collecting alimony, and screwing her tennis instructor.
William sat across in the lounge to watch for his new students. He held his class list, took a deep breath, and tried to relax.
The usual people were filing into his classroom. The ones hoping for something better in life. The ones who thought that selling real estate was as romantic as the TV shows where the flippers, renovators, and buyers looked at three houses wrapping it all up in thirty minutes serenaded by happy music in the background.
Good luck with that. William thought of the Bradley family who was still dragging him around wanting his opinion on the fiftieth house they’d looked at.
The school had decorated the lounge for Christmas. They’d installed a tree and hung ornaments. They’d strung lights and put greens around the fireplace. It looked quite nice. As he stared at the tree and the ornaments, he fixated on the angel at the top of the tree. It almost looked like she was smiling down on him.
Another person exiting the elevator brought him back to reality. He’d realized he been hypnotized staring at that old fashion angel perched on the tree top.
In that moment William’s day took an upswing. He watched her walk up to his classroom door. She checked her paper and found the room number on the door. Oh my gosh, he thought. Please, please, please go in and be in my class. Make my December class the best ever. Please be my student because you are the woman of my dreams.
And then the tall brunette with the high ponytail, the skinny jeans, and blazer did choose his room. William felt like he’d won the lottery. This was the story he’d retell for years to come. He’d say it was love at first sight and she was his vision of ethereal beauty. He checked the last name. He’d been smitten just seeing Allison again. She was the beautiful woman from his taxi ride.
He adjusted his pants and tucked away his growing excitement as he rose. He opened a fresh stick of gum. He sucked up his gut and swore that he’d start doing push-ups and sit-ups tomorrow morning.
Hope springs eternal he thought as he used chalk to write William Bennett-Real Estate Licensing. He wrote the website to locate all the references necessary for the class. He smiled and scanned the crowd counting the eleven bodies that had chosen seats around the room.
“Good evening. Happy Thanksgiving, and Season’s Greetings. I’m Will Bennett and your instructor. I’ll here to help you pass the tri-state real estate licensing tests. The class starts at seven and ends at nine every Tuesday night.” He pointed to the web address on the board.
“The site contains the syllabus, the readings, and some sample tests that the states have used in the past. The class is not graded. I’ll be here each week talking about different aspects of real estate and the tests. The topics are in the syllabus.”
“Let’s start by getting to know one another.” He nodded to the gentleman who had chosen the far left seat. “Please tell us something about yourself, Mr. James and include what you want to do with your license in the new year.”
William had purposely started as far away from Allison Cook as possible. He wanted to savor the anticipation.
He tried to pay attention to each person as they talked about bettering their lives, having more job autonomy, more pay, or the freedom of working for themselves. He didn’t want to disillusion them by saying that selling was work and you needed about three years of failures before you found your rhythm and success.
Finally, Allison Cook spoke. Her voice was melodious and cultured. He had a chance to really study her now. She looked more dazzling sitting there than she had in the taxi. Her smile sparkled. He was totally mesmerized by everything she said and did. If she had walked up to William and simply said, ‘c’mon big boy, let’s go back to your place and make love’, William would have turned out the lights as he walked out the door following Miss Allison Cook.
She had four years of college. She worked as an IT at Bank of America. She tended bar at night. After four years of tending bar, she realized that she had a knack for selling and a desire to work with people all the time.
William had no doubt that she would be a top-notch saleswoman. Who wouldn’t be hypnotized by her appealing mouth, enticing smile, dark wavy hair, and deep blue eyes?
William began his usual first evening’s talk. He gave a quick summary of his topics and why he was teaching them. Then he talked about what they could expect to find on the Pennsylvania, New York, and New Jersey licensing exams.
He ended a few minutes early by thanking everyone for coming. William said he’d look forward to seeing the brave souls who returned next Tuesday.
The whole time he was talking he was trying to figure out how to invite Miss Allison Cook out for coffee. He was trying to work out how to approach her and what he’d say. As he was gathering up his papers William looked up.
She was standing there right in front of him. He was speechless.
She smiled a silly grin. “Hi. Remember me from our taxi ride to the Nail? I just wanted to know if you wanted to go out and get a cup of coffee.”
William was bowled over. “Well, sure. I’d love to.” William was glowing inside. This forward sort of behavior warmed his heart. He adored women who liked to take charge. Over the years, he’d gotten more respectful of women who were confident and a bit sassy.
“Where would you like to go for coffee?”
Allison named a little cafe that was within walking distance. She smiled. As they began walking down the stairs together Allison Cook reached up into the crook of his arm and gripped him firmly. William found himself chattering on all about his life and his business. He was nervous in Allison Cook’s presence.
He couldn’t help but notice that Allison was tall, almost as tall as he was. Of course, she was wearing high heels.
As if she were reading his mind, she turned and said, “Five foot nine inches and with these heels, I’m almost six feet. I’m guessing you’re six foot two?”
William nodded. “Can you read tell what I’m thinking now?”
Allison frowned. “Uh huh. And the answer is no. I wouldn’t want to lead you on. I’m just an old fashion kind of girl.”
William shook his head. “An old fashion girl? Is this an across the board rule or is it just me?”
“Of course it’s my rule and it’s for all.”
“And what kind of pushback do you get from that?”
“Lots of guys want to be the exception to my rule. But it’s for everyone’s good. Anything to do with me other than friendship would lead to disappointment. It’s too complicated and I’m just not worth all the effort.”
“Really. For some reason, I’m feeling very special tonight and I think it’s because I’m in your presence. Are you an angel?”
Allison Cook laughed and squeezed his arm. “That’s wonderful. I’ve never been asked that question. Growing up, my parents tried to understand me and eventually gave up. I think their minister told them I was cursed by the devil. I guess I was too much for them to accept.”
“What a strange story. I can’t believe anyone could reject a beautiful child like you.”
“I didn’t fit in. I was way too girly girl and would get laughed at all the time. I think they saw me as ugly and well, mentally disturbed.”
“Seriously? What a terrible thing to do to a child. Your parents sound cruel.”
“Unfortunately for them, it made me stronger and more determined to be myself. I was pretty stubborn.”
When they arrived at the cafe, William was pleased that they were given a table in the back near the fireplace. The room looked beautiful with all the holiday decorations. He stared at the tree and the angel perched on the top. He gazed at it, lost in thought. “It’s funny. I think I’ve seen this same angel before, once in the taxi and tonight in the lounge outside my classroom.”
Allison looked over to see what he was gazing at. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it. The original angel was made in Italy in the seventeenth century by Sammartino. The real one is at the Metropolitan Museum and their Christmas tree display.”
A waiter came over and took their order. Allison ordered tea and William had decaffeinated coffee. They agreed to split a lemon tart.
As they shared the tart, William asked Allison to tell him about her life.
“Not much to tell. I’m originally from Baltimore. I went to college in D.C. and moved up here for work. I’m at the bank and you know I tend bar.”
William smiled. “How long have you been at The Hammer and The Nail?”
Allison thought for a minute. “About the same time that I went to work for the bank. How well do you know the Nail?”
William smiled. “It’s one of my friend Jordan’s favorite places. But, not being forward, does that mean you’re gay?”
Allison laughed. “No, I’m not. My life would be a lot simpler if I was. But, I have no interest in dating women. My dream would be to have a successful relationship with a special guy. How do you feel about LGBTQ?”
William smiled. “I’m fine with it. I mean, Jordan is my best friend and well, LGBTQ is part of our world and society. You could say I embrace it.”
“You know, when I first started working at the Nail, I thought Jordan was a manager or an owner. He’s always been sweet to me.”
“I’m sure. He’s a gentleman. My turn for a question. Why would you want to hang around with an old guy like me?”
Allison smiled. “You aren’t old and I like grown-up men. I wouldn’t waste my time with a twenty-something who’s clueless. But my interest is complicated. First, you seem like a sweet, intelligent guy that I’d like to be friends with and second, I’d bet you’d help me network into a good job in the real estate world.”
“Miss Cook. I would like to be your friend and I know you’ll find success in real estate.”
“Thanks, William. Working in the bar has opened my eyes to a lot of things and I can pretty much tell when someone is shoveling bull at me. I think you’re more of a straight shooter.”
“Funny, you should use the term straight shooter when you’ve worked at the Nail for four years. I’d think you’d make more money at the Brass Rail or Connaught’s.”
“Maybe. But, maybe not. I have a sense of loyalty to the Nail. The owners really have been good to me. When I first came to New York they took me under their wings. They’ve helped me a lot.”
“I’m glad to hear that. Would you still work there if real estate became your career?”
Allison shrugged. “I would gladly give up IT if I could find a well-paying job. But, I’m saving up my money.”
“I guess it’s good to have goals.”
“Oh, I do. I have a vision in my mind of what I want to be and well, it’s going to take money.”
They made small talk while they finished up and walked back to the school. William was pleased that Allison put her arm through his again as they strolled the sidewalk together.
When they reached the college, she directed him over to the subway entrance. ”
“This has been fun, Miss Cook. Thank you for your company.”
It’s been my pleasure, Will. I hope we can do more together. I’ll see you next Tuesday.”
“I’m looking forward to seeing you.”
“She kissed him on the cheek and turned to walk down the steps. “Thank you for the tea and pastry.” She waved and started down. When she got to the bottom she turned, looked back, and smiled.
William hadn’t felt this good in a long time. He knew he had Miss Allison Cook to thank.
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William sat in the lobby of the soon to be finished high rise and tried to think positive. It was hard to do when the building was a cool sixty-two degrees and he was surrounded by unfinished poured concrete walls. But this was his baby. His company was representing the sale of all the units and had to make a good appearance.
So two weeks before Christmas when everyone was busy getting ready for the holidays and no one was looking at condos here he was. The owners of this project wanted to show the unfinished spaces now. William sat cold and uncomfortable waiting for the nonexistent customers on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.
The sun had set and the street lights were on. As he watched the pedestrians walk by, he made a list of Christmas gifts for his office staff. William noticed he’d lost the feeling in his toes and fingertips.
He checked his watch and sighed. His workday had ended. William could finally close up and go catch a drink somewhere. As he was shutting down his laptop, the front doors open. He could hear a familiar voce as he saw a woman and two men. As they got closer, he recognized his old friend Jordan, an older man, and possibly the most fascinating woman he had ever seen, Allison Cook. He beamed.
Jordan called out as they got closer. “Hello, Will. I was hoping you’d still be here. I wanted to show Sam one of your apartments. And I heard you’ve met Allison.”
William stood up and shook Sam’s hand and then leaned over to shake Allison’s hand. She looked amused as his universe stopped. He was mesmerized by her deep blue eyes.
He didn’t hear Jordan talking until he called his name. He glanced over and saw Jordan dragging his latest boyfriend over to the elevator.
“Hey, Will. What floor is my future apartment on?”
Will laughed. “The Penthouse. Fifty-five.” He watched as Jordan and Sam disappeared into the elevator. He glanced over at Allison who had her arms wrapped around her body and was shivering.
William reached out and grabbed her hand. “C’mon. I’ll buy you a hot chocolate next door at the Starbucks. It’s a lot warmer in there than this concrete mausoleum.”
Allison smiled. “Don’t you have to stay and sell condos?”
“I did, all day. I was ready to close. But, we can keep warm and watch the front door at the same time. It’s all right. I’m in charge.”
“This place is yours?”
“Hardly. But, I’m the only realtor foolish enough to try selling apartments two weeks before Christmas. How about dark hot chocolate with whipped cream and a peppermint stick?”
Allison laughed. “I’ll settle for green tea. You can save the hot chocolate for the little girls you try to woo away from the schoolyard.”
“Ouch. Tea it is.” They walked together to the front. “How have you been?”
He locked up and they both scurried next door into the quiet warmth of the coffee shop.
“I’ve been fine. I was hoping you’d come by to see me. Sam is Jordan’s latest flame. I honestly don’t know how I got roped into coming along. And I wondered about your relationship with Jordan. You lived together, right? Are you an ex?”
William laughed. “Ex-roommate. We shared a place after college?”
“Really? Because Jordan indicated there was more.”
“William blushed. “Well, I think that’s a topic for another day. And I want to talk to my lawyer first.”
Allison laughed. “I like you, William. You’re as much fun as Jordan.”
“Is that why you work at the Nail? Fun?”
It’s my piggy bank money.”
“Piggy bank money? Saving for what?”
“Oh. Saving for my hopes and dreams. I want to have enough money to complete mine. How about you? Do you have any yearnings?”
William grabbed their drinks and found them a table. It was near the Christmas corner complete with tree and lighted ornaments. He thought about desires. He didn’t want to sound morose and talk about failed dreams and loneliness. He knew it wouldn’t sound good to talk about feelings of isolation.
He made an effort to smile. “I have dreams.” He glanced up at the top of the Christmas tree and the angel caught his eye. It was almost as if she were looking down on the two of them.
Allison saw him looking up and looked at the ornament too. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it. It’s Giuseppe Sammartino’s angel. I’m going to have to show you the real one at the Met. Wonderful, isn’t it?”
William caught himself looking at Allison’s profile. “Gorgeous. Mesmerizing.”
“You should see the whole tree and all the angels. One is more beautiful than the other.” When Allison realized he was looking at her, she blushed. “You can be distracting, William. You are quite handsome. But, I want to hear about your fantasies.”
William grinned. “You’re not going to laugh are you?”
Allison smiled. “No promises. But I am kind.”
“Okay. So I believe in true love. I believe in everlasting love. I dream of giving myself to another person that I’ll be able to love forever and feel the same in return.”
“Wow, William. True love. That reminds me of the movie Princess Bride. It was my favorite movie as a kid. I loved Princess Buttercup and only wanted to be her.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
Allison laughed. “My parents weren’t ready for Princess Buttercup. I don’t think they could ever adjust to what I was. I think they were disappointed.”
“I can’t believe they were disappointed with you. I would think they would have been happy to have a beautiful daughter.”
“Well, some people can never adjust. My parents had a preconceived notion of what we all should be and I was the square peg trying to fit in the round hole. They kept trying to sand me down and make me fit and honestly I didn’t try very hard to be that round peg. In the long run, it was better we went our separate ways.”
“That’s sad. My parents are still trying to grow up. But at least we all accept each other. So do you want to show me the angel at the Metropolitan Museum tonight?”
“Tonight?”
“Sure. It can be our first date. Our first of many.”
“Down boy. No falling in love at Christmas time. My friend, well, our friend Jordan says that you don’t start dating around Christmas.”
William smiled. “Yeah, I’ve heard his chestnut for years. No dating a new love around the holidays because then you have to spend money on someone when you don’t know if it’s going to last. I think that’s a big flaw when all you worry about is yourself. Jordan is all about Jordan.”
Allison frowned. “Well, that’s what he always says. But, I like to have friends but I don’t have lovers.”
William laughed. “Do you believe in love at first sight?”
Allison shook her head. “I don’t know. I really don’t know if I could ever give my heart away and take that risk. I’m afraid it just wouldn’t end well. I can’t afford to love someone.”
William frowned. “I’ve never heard that before.
Allison continued. “In my case, I’m afraid that a guy’s expectations would lead to disappointment. I’ve wanted to let myself go but I can’t.”
“Sounds like some sort of fairy tale where you’re cursed.”
Allison smiled. “Someday, I’ll tell you all about me and my fairy tale. When we know each other better I’ll bore you with the story of Allison.”
“I don’t think you could ever bore me. I could listen to you talk forever.”
She smiled and put her hand on the top of his. “You’re sweet. But, don’t get fooled by smoke and mirrors. I’m not the droid you’re looking for.”
William laughed at the Star Wars reference. “Sadly, I too am cursed. I suffer from unrequited love.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know what you mean. Explain.”
“Unrequited love is the feeling of being completely, hopelessly, and desperately in love knowing the love is not returned or rewarded.”
“Oh wow. You are a romantic. That’s an awfully sad kind of love.”
“It is. Knowing that you’ll never kiss her lips, hold her in your arms, or wake up with her next to you. Knowing that you love her so much you can never love another.”
“Gosh. Who was this woman that broke your heart?”
“I’m sitting with her now.”
Allison’s eye’s started to well up. “But you don’t understand. I can’t be something I’m not. I can’t reach out to you if I have no arms.”
William leaned over and kissed her lips. Then he gently kissed the tears from her eyes. “I’ve never met a more perfect woman in my life.”
She tried to smile. She pressed her hands against his strong chest to push him away. Allison shook her head slowly back and forth. “No, William. I’m not your dream girl. I’m so incomplete, so flawed.”
William was very close to her face and still whispering. “I know this sounds crazy. It’s almost like there’s a voice in my head explaining it all to me.”
Allison shook her head no. “A voice? Explaining what?”
William grinned. “I don’t know how. She’s telling me you’ve always seen your life as limited and incomplete. She’s saying I should see past and around that. She says I should love what you truly are. It’s almost like an angel is talking to me.”
Allison looked him in the eyes. “You know what I am?”
William took her hand up to his lips. He looked her in the eyes and kissed her hand. “Yes. I know. I understand. I see all your pain and your doubts. I also see the most beautiful person I have ever met. I love you, Allison.”
Allison wiped her eyes and pulled him in for a long kiss. She stared at him and looked up at the top of the tree. She smiled. “You know, we should go to the Met and I can show you the tree and maybe your angel will whisper to me, too.”
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From the fifty-fifth floor, Jordan looked out on New York City. “It’s pretty up here, isn’t it?”
“Almost like heaven.” Sam sighed.
“Oh, Sam. We’ll get back home. You know that. Twenty years isn’t that long.”
“Yeah. I know. But, her exchange program seems so tough right now. And everything moves so slowly down here.” Sam sounded sad.
Jordan smiled and kissed Sam on the lips. “Well, I’ve wrapped up another deed today.”
“Seriously? You mean those two? I wondered why you insisted she come along with us tonight. Is he the one you’ve been talking about for so long? And she’s the special one from work. Wow, that’s nice, really nice.”
“Yep. All it took was a handful of ornaments, a few suggestions, and voices.”
“Nice work, Jordan. God has got to admire that. I guess that’s why she started this ‘save the world one person at a time’ program.”
“Well, Sam. I think she’ll appreciate what I did today.” Jordan smiled and reached for his partner. “Now, give me a kiss.”
Sam reached over and pulled Jordan’s face up to his. He grinned. “Just between us angels, right?”
Wait, did my wife just divorce me?
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Dear Readers,
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Invisible has been my guilty pleasure. And I hoped you enjoyed it as much as I did.
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But, while I'm editing and waiting for the final cover, I had to write this little story that came to me in the shower. It's really a first draft and I don't know if it has legs. But, I know the readers here have lots of patience and tolerate my rotten tomatoes.
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Thanks for reading
BTW: this chapter has been reworked, more words, more story...
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Chapter One
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I was sitting at the breakfast table enjoying my second cup of coffee when Lily breezed through our kitchen on her way to work. I looked up, smiled, anticipating a tender kiss.
As she leaned over, Lily placed a delicate hand on my chin. Instead of a soft kiss, she stared. “I want you to focus, one-hundred-percent. It’s important.”
Lily knew me too well. I was surprised at the timber in her voice. It was like a firm command. So I did exactly what I was told. I carefully set my coffee cup on the coaster and closed my laptop. The stock market could wait. My blue chip investments weren’t going anywhere until the market opened.
Lily waited until I looked up at her, then she smiled. “Camille, you know I love you. Right?”
I nodded. In Lily’s world ‘I love you’ covered a lot of bases - a cute puppy, a dress, an ocean view, an excellent day at the spa. All I could concentrate on was how nice Lily looked in her Anne Klein navy blue, pinstripe suit. The tailored jacket and the pleated short skirt accented her long legs. She’d matched it with a silver blue camisole top that I’d just hand washed and ironed yesterday. I couldn’t help but smile thinking about all the beautiful lingerie I regularly kept in perfect condition for her. I knew what she was wearing because I’d watched her get dressed as I served her coffee this morning. I didn’t have to close my eyes to remember the French lace bikini panty and a matching bra.
Lily brought me back to real time when she spoke. She was staring into my eyes. “And we’ve been lovers for how long, Camille?”
I blinked my eyes. I only wore a bit of sun screen foundation and mascara this morning. It was early. With just a light robe over my sheer nightgown, I felt positively naked sitting there in front of her. But, I smiled because I knew the answer to the question. “You and I have been together since my freshman year in college - seven years, and eight months. We met when Ralph Steering assigned you to handle my trust.”
Lily smiled. “And I remember, too. You were such a fresh face. That first afternoon, sitting there in my office was the day I found out you’d just started hormone replacement therapy.”
I smiled. “It was a wonderful September day and I fell in love with you at first sight.”
Lily grinned. “And you turned out to be the sweetest lover I’d ever known. Your gentle touch, your soft lips. It still gives me chills just thinking about your dedication to pleasuring me. And no one has ever asked me to marry them in the middle of making love.”
I nodded. “It was our first time. You were perfect then and you’re even more perfect now.”
She frowned. “Hmm. Your compliments still make me blush.” She took a deep breath. “This is going to be harder than I thought.”
I watched her wipe a tear from her right eye.
She stared straight at me and suddenly looked very serious. “Camille, I want a divorce. I’ve got the papers here.” I watched her remove a file folder from her attaché case, open it, then take out several documents. “Here’s a pen. You need to sign where I’ve marked.”
I reached out and took them from her hands. I shook my head. “You know, Lily. I wondered when this would all happen. Tom Reynolds really does seem like the perfect man for you.”
Lily sighed and touched my shoulder gently. “I hope so, Camille. These past six months have been very confusing for me. Actually, they’ve been terrible. It’s frustrating. Here I am, in our house together with you, knowing that I can’t get him out of my mind. It’s terrible to love you but need him so badly. Even with this divorce, I still dream of us staying close. You know, being the best girlfriends ever!”
I felt sorry for Lily. She’d become the hummingbird that flits from one flower to another. I didn’t understand her point of view. I’d tried to put myself in her shoes many times. But she was right. Everything had changed. The whole time we’d been together, she’d been so content. But, now everything had shifted. I was old news at twenty-six-years-old. Our marriage was over. Mentally, Lily had moved on.
I reached out and touched the hand she’d left on my shoulder. I pulled it to my cheek and softly rubbed. It seemed ironic that I was consoling her. I was giving her the sympathy she desired. I was giving her the strength to go through with this. “Of course, Lily. You know I wouldn’t want to lose what we’ve had together after all these years. I love you too much.”
I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. I was picturing her leaving me and our home. She’d take a deep breath as she’d get into the white BMW convertible I’d bought her for her thirty-fifth birthday. She’d check the rear-view mirror making sure that none of those tears had ruined her makeup. Then, I imagine that she’d drive straight to his place. She’d run up and throw herself into his arms. She’d be laughing, covering his face with kisses, and declaring herself to be all his.
In a way, that image made it easier for me to deal with this morning. Since I refused to talk about him, I opened that door a crack. “When’s the wedding?”
Lily grinned smugly. In her mind, I’d asked the right question. She looked like the cat who’d eaten the family’s pet canary. She’d sinned, deserted our marriage, and now left me behind. But now, in her mind, everything seemed so perfectly sweet. “June.”
I covered my mouth in shock. “So soon? That’s only ten months from now.”
Lily nodded. She seemed a little daydreamy when she replied. “Well, Tom doesn’t want to wait. He wants to start a family now.”
I’d read about him in his stockholder’s report. Tom Reynolds was nearing forty. I shook my head. A wedding. I thought about my wife, well, really my ex-wife. I flashed on Lily walking down aisle in a huge church, the congregation rising, all of them gazing at her. I knew she’d be so full of herself with all those envious eyes feasting on her radiant beauty.
I could picture all the groomsmen in their formal black evening wear. Her bridesmaids standing there demurely wrapped in chiffon and silk. Then, in my mind I saw a reception line, envious glances at her engagement and wedding rings, and all those compliments continuing to swell her head.
I pictured their honeymoon cruise, maybe in the Greek Islands, where they’d be so hungry for each other they’d have trouble leaving the suite. I pictured Lily, sunning on the Lido deck in a micro bikini, maybe topless, with Tom’s meaty hands pawing her delicate body. The flush of passion tuning her skin pink while Tom would play her like a violin.
But, then, I saw the jarring image of Lily six months later. The frustration of how none of her beautiful wardrobe could fit anymore as her perfect body changed with Tom’s baby growing inside her womb. With her hormones raging, I pictured her trying to juggle the competition at work, a new husband to please, and facing all the unknowns of pregnancy.
For the past months as her affair raged, I’d refused to even listen to her talk about her new love. Up until that point, all her trysts had been brief and faceless. Long ago, I’d agreed to an open marriage because she’d insisted it was the only way to keep us together. But, once she finally slept with Tom Reynolds, all the open marriage rules were discarded. The man had obviously sent her spinning and our relationship fell apart.
At the beginning of our marriage, whenever Lily disappeared for a night or two, she would return satiated, but needing me more. The woman would be happy to back in our bed, acting contented and loving me more. And this had been our married life together for years. After each of these affairs, our love was rekindled.
I’d learned to accept that as part of our relationship. Lily had encouraged me to go out and do the same thing, but it wasn’t in my nature. I was content. I had grown up with Lily by my side. We’d been together since I was eighteen and she was twenty-seven. She was my lover, my mentor, and had patiently helped me find myself. She had guided me through my transition and all my surgeries. I owed her a lot and had showed my gratitude by showering her with my love and my riches. She was the world to me.
But, I realized the random one nighters had stopped. Lily was home every night, but she was restless. She wanted to talk about this man she’d met. How her firm had been brought on board to handle some legal difficulties at his company. At first, he was a client, but then she became his personal legal advisor, too. I heard about dinners and late nights working together. After a point, I realized that Lily was captivated by everything he did. She wanted to share her fascination with this man by talking about everything he said.
I learned his name, Tom Reynolds, and how Lily was mesmerized by him. Obsessed would have been the word I’d have used. But, deep inside, I wanted it all to end. I was tired of her fixation with some over-the-hill ball player turned entrepreneur.
I waited she’d just sleep with this guy and to get over him. I wanted her to scratch that itch and just come back to me. I wanted to deflate this growing bubble of need inside her. I made a plan. I told her I was going out of town. I mumbled something about seeing my old surgeon for a touch-up that would require ten days in New York. But, actually, I was headed to Arizona for a ten-day meditative, yoga retreat.
I’d finished with my surgeries when I was twenty-three. Lily never kept track and really wasn’t listening to what I said. I stressed the ten day absence hoping this would be the end of all this distraction.
When I returned from my retreat, I came back to an empty house. I hadn’t heard from my wife for ten days. But, this was not unusual. When Lily was mesmerized with someone new, she was immersed completely. She’d only come up for air when she was done.
As I walked through the house, I saw the remnants of their love making. Candles burnt down to their stubs everywhere. Empty champagne bottles overflowing the sink and recycles. Take-out containers and pizza boxes overflowing the trash. Further inspection showed me how our bed was in tatters. One look at the bedding told me I’d never sleep on that mattress or even bother to wash those sheets.
But, the two of them were gone.
As I was unpacking my luggage, I heard her BMW pull up. She ran through the door and into my arms smothering my face with kisses. I looked at her and she positively glowed. I was tickled. My plan had worked. Finally, I had Lily back in my arms and our marriage could continue.
It wasn’t to be. All her weekends with Tom had left her yearning for more. And like a delicate moth, she was caught in the bright light of his outgoing personality and fame. He became her oxygen.
Our lives had changed.
Sometimes, she’d stay home for a few days or even a rare week while he was busy or away on business. But, after a while, Lily stopped feeling an obligation to excuse her behavior. Our relationship grew old. Weeds grew in our untended garden of marriage. But, I refused to hear about him. I didn’t want to share in her newfound joy. I just had to deny what was taking place for my own peace of mind.
And that’s why I expected her to hand me those papers. We both knew our marriage was over.
Bu now, with the news I’d just gleaned about Tom Reynolds wanting to start a family, I tried to picture Lily in five years. It would be a few babies later, one coming right after another as she provided her man with his family. She’d see her tight body loosing it’s elasticity, the muscle memory lost as she’d be unable to bounce back to the youthful beauty that was part of her charm.
During our time together, Lily had done a good job of keeping herself fit and trim. But all that stretching to bear a brood for Tom would be her real sacrifice. I tried to imagine her in five years and couldn’t. I’d been married to a professional woman who’s focus had been on her practice and her personal self. She’d always set aside time for me and we were in love. I accepted who she was and what she needed. But, she had always returned.
I blinked several times digesting her statement. I tried to remain neutral and aloof even though I was rocked to my core. “That’s ironic, Lily. In all our time together, I never pictured you as the maternal type. And trying to imagine what those babies will do to your body. Well, have you considered using a surrogate?”
She nodded. We weren’t talking like a married couple, but simply two women chatting in a kitchen over danish and coffee. “Camille, I really thought about it. But, Tom’s old fashion and wants us to go the natural route together. He wants to witness all of his babies growing inside me. You know, he’s so sweet. I’m sure he’ll make a great father.”
All I could say was uh-huh. I tried to forget hearing about Tom and his philosophy because I would end up judging him too harshly. The man was entitled to his own thoughts and opinions. Old fashion. I wondered what he thought about me.
I guess by signing her papers, I’d given her permission to talk up this infatuation. Up until that point, I’d stubbornly refused to hear it. But, now that I’d given her everything she wanted and more, my role as wife and partner had expired.
But, my imagination went unchecked. I cruelly pictured Lily becoming his personal breeding cow, spending the next five years pregnant and whelping Tom’s heirs. I tried to imagine her huge ego playing second fiddle, sacrificing everything to please him. I’m sure the sex was excellent now, but Lily’s future would be down a new path. I tried not to be negative. After all, I was no longer part of the plan.
I was trying not to be cruel by judging her. It wouldn’t have made any difference because Lily seemed to be oblivious to my pain. The word heartless came to mind. She was still smiling when she started up again. “Oh, honey. You said it. All of that parenting business was the furthest thing from my mind back when we were starting out. I envisioned us growing old together, content, just to be sharing our lives.
“But, it’s so different with him. Tom wants a traditional marriage. I know it’s going to be hard. For the past ten years I’ve worked hard. I’ve built up a law firm with excellent clientele. I’ve had all the freedom I could want in our marriage and well, my life. And now, my man sees my first responsibility in making him a happy home. It all starts with motherhood!” She looked overwhelmed.
“At first I worried whether I could get pregnant at thirty-five. But, I’ve seen the doctor and I’m well on my way through my first trimester with Thomas Reynolds the third. It’s all still my biggest fear. Pregnancy and child rearing, well, what if I’m a terrible mom?”
I tried not to show the shock on my face. Pregnant! And giddy about it, too. Inside, I was reeling from this announcement. Because I’d choose not to be her confidant for these past months, this news took me by surprise. As I tried to recover, I decided to make my choice. I would not become that person. I would move forward without becoming jealous or angry. I would continue to be a caring, loving person.
I’d continue to be generous with Lily even though I had been forsaken. I smiled. “Well, you’ll just have to get excellent help. You’ll need a support staff. If you want, I’ll help arrange and pay for whatever you need.”
Lily wiped a tear from her eye as she shook her head. She stared at me like I’d just walked into the room. “Oh, my gosh, Camille! You really would. You’d pay out your money to support babies that I’m having with someone else. And look at you. You’re as sincere as can be. No anger, no rage. I’m amazed at you. All this time I’ve been cheating on us, violating our marriage vows, you never let it affect our love. And even now, you are still true to me.”
I laughed. Even when the reality of her affair had torn my heart apart, I never considered getting mad or angry. What good would it have done to scream or yell? It was obvious that I’d need to become someone I wasn’t to challenge this stranger who had stolen my wife. Pistols at dawn? A fistfight? But, that would never be me. Just as I had taken years becoming the woman of my mind’s eye, I was never going to search out the testosterone laden hot blood to make myself the challenger.
In my mind, Lily didn’t want to be won back. She’d made up her mind months ago and moved on. In her mind, our marriage had been annulled.
But, I was realizing that all good things must pass. We’d had a good run and I was slowly coming to terms with what was happening. I kept coming back to feeling like the fledgling who needed to fly away and leave the nest.
I tried to stay positive because no one likes a bitter person. “Am I going to be Aunt Camille?”
“Of course. You certainly can’t be Uncle Carl.”
That comment brought me up so short. Ouch. I didn’t deserve that swipe. It reverberated deep down into my soul. I was taken back with how hurtful and thoughtless that remark was. I was shaking and angry as I stood. I almost walked away from her. “Ugh, Lily. You know how I hate my dead name. That was totally unnecessary.”
I think she actually realized how hurt she’d made me feel. I saw her face change and suddenly she looked sorrowful.
“I’m sorry, Camille. That was a thoughtless remark. I can do better.”
I thought about the new world Lily was making for herself. She was looking down at me, not considering my feelings. I realized that Lily was leaving me at the curb and driving away down the road. As an aside, I said, “I can’t believe your Tom doesn’t mind having me around.”
She stared at me. “Oh, Camille. That’s silly. I didn’t give him a choice. I explained how we were soul mates. I explained about our love. But, you know everything’s different now. You can stay a best friend, a younger sister, and my confidant. That’s important because you know what I need and what I’m thinking.
“But, with Tom, our new relationship is growing. I think the man respects my honesty. He’s done everything I’ve asked of him and more. But his love is so different. He’s certainly not you. He falls so short in trying to please me. Sometimes, he stops caring after his needs are satisfied. Sometimes, I wish you were there to give him lessons.
I actually laughed out loud. “Lily, you’re living in your own dream world. Genetically, Tom and I are both the same, but I’m truly a woman. You and I are closer because of that. Your Tom will never have my perspective.”
Lily looked at me. “And that’s why I was hoping you could join us for a night or two. It could be a win-win. You’d learn how to please a man and we could both show him what I need. I know he enjoyed a little more girl on girl.”
I was shocked. “Lily, you’re nuts! Me and Tom, no way! End of this conversation!” I raised my voice to emphasize my point.
“But, truly, Camille, you’d love it. He’s such a brute. Last month, we had some fun with a pair of call girls in Las Vegas. He’s the most virile man I’ve ever met. I had trouble walking for days after that.”
I shook my head. I was not smiling.
Suddenly, Lily lost her temper. Maybe it was hormones talking, but she curled her lip and spat out, “I’m not surprised that Tom’s never seen you as a threat or competition. You’re such a worm.”
I stared at her. I stepped back and folded my arms across my breasts. I watched as Lily started to cry. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Camille.”
I watched the tears fall down her face. I was surprised not to want to soothe her pain but she’d been angry that I wasn’t still being her personal assistant and attending to her every need. I remembered how ten minutes ago, I’d been fired from being her wife.
I grew sad. While Tom was being open-minded about all of Lily’s thoughts and opinions. I knew that would change. I didn’t think he’d want me around putting thoughts in his wife’s mind. I was sure that before long, I wouldn’t fit into his plan or have a place in their lives.
A while back, I’d finally done a bit of research about Tom Reynolds when it became obvious of what was happening. I discovered that in his youth in Kansas, he’d been a talented baseball phenom in high school. He continued his rise through one year of college and became a first round draft pick. The man signed for millions and never looked back. With his quick reflexes and strength, he could place a ball wherever he wanted, whether he was pitching or hitting.
At thirty-three, he retired from Major League Baseball and continued to do a good job of managing his money. He’d become a very successful entrepreneur. From the distance of the internet, I’d had a chance to examine the publicly traded companies he owned. Knowing that he was sleeping with my wife, I’d moved some of my money into purchasing his company’s stock. And eventually I owned almost ten percent of his public holding. Even though I had never met the guy, well, let’s say that when Lily left me, I decided to passively take a part of him.
I know it’s twisted logic, but eventually, my shell companies purchased about thirty-three percent of his public holdings. I held the power to shut him down if I wanted. I could bring my lawyers to his annual board meeting and get a seat on his board. From there, I could see him voted out. But, I didn’t want the confrontation and had no desire to seek revenge. My other choice was to simply liquidate all those assets and cause a run on his stock. This would cause a lack of confidence in anything associated with Tom Reynolds’s name.
But I didn’t do anything. I let his company send me dividends each quarter and I used that money to buy more of his worth. But, I’m getting ahead of myself.
I waited until she’d collected herself after calling me a worm. “Lily, now that you’ve told me how you really feel, what does Tom have to say about me?”
She smiled to finally change the subject. It was obvious she was thrilled to be finally talking about her new man even to someone who she’d just crushed. “Well, when we first met, he loved the fact I was in an open marriage. You know the guys all love that. They can get what they want without any guilt. But, he was surprised when I told it was in a same-sex marriage. Later on, he told me that he never believed I was a lesbian. And then when you went away for ten days and I took him back to our house, well, he finally saw photos of you.
“I know he was dumbfounded. Tom just couldn’t believe you were trans. I think he was really surprised just how beautiful you were. I’d have to smack him in the back of the head when I caught him staring at your pictures. You know, at that moment, I hated that. I can’t complete with a beautiful twenty-six year old woman. And I don’t have time to spend all day taking care of myself like you do. I settle for Botox, the occasional lift, and fillers. And I thought I could keep up with you. The fact that you never worry about anything just pisses me off. You’re so naturally beautiful that you don’t even need help.
“Well, besides the usual guy statements about your body or what he’d do with you sexually, I think he still had trouble understanding that you’re a trans woman. The man simply saw us as a pair of lesbians. And Tom’s line of thinking always assumed that a real man could straighten out any lesbian when he took them to bed. So, I don’t think he ever saw you as trans. I don’t think he could believe it.”
I listened and tried to understand. I’d never met Tom and could only imagine what he looked like. I never bothered to Google his pictures other than a head shot that came up in his company’s annual report.
Whenever I pictured his face, I always saw him wearing a bright brass ring through his nose or a training collar around his neck. Even though Lily had fallen head over heels in love with him, I knew she needed to feel in control.
But, I guess I was wrong. She’d be giving this all up to be his wife. I’d always saw her as being the strongest person, but I guess she’d met her match. It all made me wonder. Tom could offer her so much more than I could. They’d be creating lots of babies to give them a complete family.
All my life, I’d been a pleaser. I didn’t see a reason to become a different person. “Well, Lily. Thank you for including me in your future life. You know, I love you, Lily. And your happiness means so much to me. I knew you lusted for him for a long time before you stepped out on our marriage.”
She nodded. “Do you remember when it happened?”
I grinned. “Sure. I’d just gotten back into town. I’d been away for ten days and the instant I saw you, I knew it had finally happened.”
Lily suddenly looked sad. “Oh, Camille. I was so torn. I burned inside. I’d wanted him, but I still loved you. And when you returned, my heart broke. You looked so beautiful. And here I was breaking our vows. I was so despondent, but you were so sweet. You knew and you forgave me.”
I laughed. “I sensed the chemistry brewing for months before I left. You were so infatuated. I think that’s why I went away. Honestly, I was surprised you hadn’t done it earlier. I could smell your endorphins. You were in heat. And when I returned, I saw that you were floating on a cloud. It was wonderful to see how happy Tom had made you. I didn’t have the heart to scold you on the bed you two ruined going at it in our house. Even the pillows had to be burned.”
Lily blushed. “We did lose our heads. He was so, well, satisfying.”
“And I was amazed how the passion still kept flowing. It was a game changer for me because it was obvious how you felt. Of course, I could never be a husband; it was game over.”
“Oh, Camille. Stop being silly. You never tried to be my husband, whatever that means. The first day we met, you were so deliriously giddy about finally transitioning. You never wanted to take on a man’s role. I admired you because you knew who you were and were proud of yourself.”
I sighed. “You’re right. My only regret was not starting earlier.”
Lily smiled. “I was in awe how you’d just gone ahead at fifteen and stared the process. Even back then, you weren’t taking no for an answer.”
“Well, that was the benefit of boarding school in Switzerland. A weekend pass and a doctor who will take a suitcase full of Euros solved that testosterone problem. My parents would have flipped knowing I’d thrown away the future of our family lineage. But, those dangling bits always frightened me. They never belonged there. I honestly hated that part of me.”
“Camille, You’ve always been determined. As much as I’d like to think I wore the pants in this relationship, I always got the feeling that you let me feel in charge. But, you always got your way. No one realized that you really are a power broker. Look at you, always wanting perfection with everything you touch. And you believe it all the way to your core. You’ve had breast augmentation, waist, hip and butt work, liposuction, voice work, and that second nose job because the tip wasn’t perfect. I knew who I married.”
I sighed. “Oh, Lily. Don’t blow smoke. Right from the start, I knew I’d never be enough for you. This was my first relationship and I was always learning. I assumed it was only going to be a matter of time until you left me for the right person.”
Lily looked sad. “You say that, but you’re not angry or jealous. Why? Did you stop loving me?”
I smiled. “No. It’s just different. Once you consummated everything with Tom, well, you weren’t mine anymore. When we cuddled, I knew you were thinking about him. I still enjoyed our romantic moments, but knowing I had become second in your heart helped make it easier for me to make that break.”
Lily kissed me hard on the lips as her hand gripped the back of my head. As her tongue snaked through my mouth, I sucked down on it.
She pulled back and stared. “You’re always so right, Camille. Staying together would have been wrong for the both of us. We had a wonderful run, you and me. I loved witnessing your transition and watching you blossom into the most beautiful woman I know. But, I still worry. Are you going to be all right on your own?”
I smiled. “Sure. You don’t have to worry about me. Maybe I’ll keep you as a best friend. We will talk and have our fun together. But, I hope you and Tom go the distance. I like seeing you so happy.”
“Well. Maybe it’s time for you to take the next step. You should find someone.”
“Step? You want me to start looking around? C’mon. I’m being replaced this morning. You’re just trying to ease your conscious.”
“I wish you wouldn’t look at this that way. I don’t like the word replaced. It sounds so cold and clinical. I still love you, but, well, you know. Tom is different and I’m ready to stand by his side.”
“Lily. It’s okay, however you want to phrase it. I already told you that I’m fine.”
“Well, Camille. I think you need to start dating.”
I looked at her in amazement. “Dating! My wife is leaving me and I’m hardly ready to replace you. You’re kidding. Seriously, and what woman would want me? I’m so incomplete.”
“Woman? Oh, no. I think you’re wrong. I think you can go right out and replace me. But, I think you need a real change. You need to date a guy!”
I shook my head. “Lily, I’m not you. I’ve never looked at guys. And I don’t have the proper equipment down there to please a man..”
She smiled. “Well, don’t say no. You never anticipated me coming into your life just as much as I never thought I’d be a lesbian. I’m just saying you should keep an open mind. Honey, I didn’t go out looking for Tom. I never conspired to find a man and divorce you. I never planned on what happened. I considered him for months before I contemplated even a one night stand. I never thought I’d fall head over heels in love with the guy.”
“Lily, I saw how your lusted for Tom. I watched your biological needs overpower your mind. But, that’s not me. I’m perfectly content to watch the world go by. And seriously, I’m not there yet. I haven’t even thought about sexual reassignment surgery.”
Lily laughed as she checked over the signed documents before putting them back in her case. “Liar. You’ve been dreaming about your bottom surgery since you were ten. And it’s not money holding you back. I manage your trust and see your millions. And oh, yeah. I can still take care of your estate if you want me to, even after our divorce is finalized.”
“Don’t you want any of it?”
“Nope. The pre-nuptials I drew up are rock solid, plus Tom’s rich and I make good money. Never let it be said I’m an opportunist!”
“Fair enough. But let me demonstrate my everlasting love for you. Will you let me pay for your wedding?”
“Only if you promise to be my Maid of Honor.”
I tried to picture wearing a cocktail dress and smiled. I wasn’t going to argue with her. But, the last thing in the world I wanted was to be a spectacle at her wedding. I dread thinking of the finger pointing and the comments. “Of course.”
“Okay. And one more thing. Tom’s taking us out to dinner tonight to celebrate. I’m talking about the both of us.”
“Wait. I can see the two of you are celebrating your divorce. But, what’s there for me to celebrate?”
“Well, Camille. I want Tom to believe that you are happily giving me away to Tom. This is a wonderful moment for me and I think you should take part in it, too. And I want to show him that you’re okay with all of this. I want him to see you have no hard feelings. Will you do that for me?”
“I don’t know if I can sit there while he flaunts you as a trophy before my eyes. But, wait a minute. Is this what he wants?”
“Oh, no. This is all my idea. This is the way I’ve planned it. I’m in charge and he really has no idea.”
I hesitated and wondered what she’d told him. I’d do what she asked just out of curiosity. If things took a turn for the worse, I could simply excuse myself. So I tried to sound positive. “Sure, Lily. But I still think it’s better if the two of you celebrated alone.”
I thought for a minute. “I have an idea. How about after this dinner, the two of you could continue to party on your own. You could return to our house tonight and have more fun ruining sheets and pillows. And thinking about it, why not make it forever? The house is yours if you want it.”
“Oh, Camille. You know how much I love our house. It’s got so many wonderful memories that we shared together. And you really don’t mind if I bring Tom back tonight? It would be so convenient for me. But, are you asking to take part? Do you want to join us in our bed?”
“Oh, no! That never entered my mind.” I smiled. “It would just be a house without you being there for me. Please take it. Call it our settlement. I’ll pack a bag and move out to the beach house this afternoon.”
Lily hugged me.
I kissed her cheek like girlfriends do. “Good. Now, you can write up a deed transfer when you’re back in the office. Moving on, where are you taking Tom and me tonight for your celebration?”
“The Red Barn.”
I nodded. “I’ll meet you there at seven. I’ll feel like the fifth wheel, but it’s all for you.”
After Lily left, I took my coffee with me as I walked through the house. I was glad she wanted it. I had the opposite emotion. Everywhere I looked I saw her. We’d picked out everything together. Now, everywhere I looked would be filled with memories. I wasn’t strong enough to accept that.
It would be easy enough to move my clothes over to the water. Our other house was the perfect size for one.
For the past months, I’d worked to ignore the truths facing me. I had to accept that I was old news as the love of her life. She’d found someone else and that was it. Today’s documents tipped the scale. I tried not to get morose. I’d never known anyone like her before and doubted that wonderful love would happen again. But, I would be fine.
Buddha said that happiness comes with accepting what is.
So, I started to make a list. Then I made some calls.
I slipped into an old tee, panties, and flip-flops. I set aside today’s outfit and one for tonight. After that, I looked through our closet and made sure that all my clothes were separated from Lily’s. I randomly looked and touched some of her things. Sighing, I realized I’d grown up with my wife and wondered if any new person could understand me as well as Lily did.
Then, I moved all my shoe boxes to one side. Finally, I went through all our drawers making sure my stuff was together. I grinned. Lily would start missing me tomorrow when her laundry hamper started overflowing and she’d have to pick up after herself. I’d certainly been spoiling her taking care of the house and her. I liked playing housewife. I found it comforting.
I was the homebody. Lily aptly called me the fem. After too many years at boarding school in Switzerland, it was nice to enjoy the solitude of a quiet home. I had created a social life at the club playing tennis and golf with my girlfriends. I enjoyed having lunches and shopping, but my true pleasure was taking long runs along the paths that surrounded our estate.
I’d never worked. I attended college and enjoyed taking liberal arts classes. But, I was never driven like my fellow students. I dreamed about being a lady of leisure. Lady. I dreamed about being a lady all of my life.
My parents weren’t keen on discussion my gender confusion and instead sent me to a psychiatrist when I was eight. After my evaluation, I was shipped off to Europe and visited home on holidays. That’s when I learned how to fulfill my own needs and make myself happy.
And when my grandmother left me her family’s fortune, I was free to be myself. At eighteen, I sued to separate myself from my parents and was able to start my transition without anyone’s approval. That’s when I met Lily. It was September. I was just starting college and Lily was assigned to be the attorney handling my trust.
I fell in love and asked her out. We’d been together ever since.
I slipped into a bath and soaked for a while. Then I shaved my legs and touched up what needed to be done. I went from the tub to the shower and washed myself thoroughly. I smiled when I didn’t clean up after myself. The tub needing rinsing out and the wet towels were on the floor. Without me, Lily would need maid’s service in the future.
I slipped on a thong and capri’s. I settled myself into the matching bra and buttoned up a linen top. A pair of espadrilles rounded out my look as I sat down to do my hair and makeup. I was being casual since I’d moved up my appointment for nails and had arranged for a blowout. I did want to look beautiful tonight. I wanted Lily to remember me.
Wait, did my wife just divorce me?
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Dear Readers,
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Invisible has been my guilty pleasure. And I hoped you enjoyed it as much as I did.
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But, while I'm editing and waiting for the final cover, I had to write this little story that came to me in the shower. It's really a first draft and I don't know if it has legs. But, I know the readers here have lots of patience and tolerate my rotten tomatoes.
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By the way, this chapter has been rewritten since it was published
An hour later, I had people swarming all over the house. I’d used Sophia’s service before and was a great customer. Two men and women wearing coveralls got out of a box truck with the company’s lettering on the side. They began bringing in cardboard boxes through the front door. They were here to move me out.
I was surprised when the owner herself followed the big truck up our drive. I saw the attractive bright red Ferrari pull up along side and watched Sophia climb out.
I almost had tears in my eyes as we hugged and kissed. “We’ll, it’s happened. You were so right. She handed me the papers this morning and I signed them. It’s official. And yeah, I’m giving her gran’s estate. Too many memories of us together are everywhere I look. I’m not interested in staying and thinking about the past.”
Sophia looked around. “This place is worth a hundred million bucks and you’re just giving it away. That’s crazy. You’re running from her. If I were you and wanted crazy, I’d torch the place. You own it. You have the deed. You have all the rights in the world to just set it on fire. And burn the bitches’ clothes down with it. But wait until we pack you into the truck.
I laughed out loud and hiccuped. That was so her. I loved her crazy.
A while back, I’d told Sophia about Lily’s recent affair with Tom Reynolds. It was when we were playing tennis at the club. After a tight three set match, we’d sat and cooled off looking out over the eighteenth hole. While we sipped ice cold water brightened with cucumbers and lemons, I cried a lot of salty tears talking about the bleak situation my marriage was in. It was not a good day. I remembered being so distraught.
“Sophia, I honestly don’t know what to do. She’s ignoring me and having this whirlwind love affair right in front of me. Sure, I agreed to an open marriage but she’s destroying any good parts of anything we have left. I’m being punished while she flaunts this new lust she’s in. She’s treating our house like it’s a hotel and I’m the concierge. I do her laundry, I hold her when she wants to be cuddled, and then she’s off for another rendezvous with him. We’re married. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
Sophia listened and shook her head. “It’s over, baby. You’re the problem by standing in her way. Your presence reminds her of how shitty she’s behaving. Deep inside she knows how bad she’s being to someone she was supposed to be in love with. And it’s hard for her to carry on and really enjoy herself when she knows she’s crushing your soul. I think it’s only a matter of time before she plays lawyer on your ass and divorces you. Will she take your money, too?”
I raised my hand and waved it. “I’ve got enough to share, but she wrote our prenuptial agreement before we got hitched. She barely gets a million dollars. A drop in the bucket.”
Sophia looked surprised. “No secret clauses, no strings? What if she murders you?”
I shook my head. “Charity. She arranged it. We picked out the charities long ago.”
Sophia held her hand up to get the waiter’s attention. She looked at me. “We need something stronger.”
I laughed. Sophia was a good friend. She knew the whole story of my life.
She smiled at the waiter. “Two iced Irish coffees please. Double shots of expresso and double up on the whiskey, please.”
I laughed. “Who’s going to hold my head when I puke?”
She laughed. “That’s the sign of a true friend. Someone who keeps the puke out of your hair when your head’s in the toilet.”
After we drank the foam off the second drink, Sophia got a little more colorful. “Shit, girl. You’ve just got to stand up for yourself and kick her the fuck out. Change the locks, throw her clothes out on the lawn, then send her packing. She’s treating you wrong and you both know it. It’s got to stop. Look at how miserable you are. It’s killing you inside.”
I sobbed. “But, I owe her big time. She stuck by me through my transition and all my surgeries. She means so much to me. Without Lily, I would have never become who I am today.”
“That’s bullshit, honey. You might have had some detours, but you’d still be sitting here with me drinking the afternoon away. Except you wouldn’t be suffering from the pain that bitch is causing you. Seriously, stand up to her and tell her to get out.”
“I can’t do that. That’s not me. And,I just don’t want to be that person. I can’t be that person. And I still hope she’ll come back.”
“That’s your problem, babe. You’re wearing blinders trying to convince yourself that she still loves you. She knows you’d take her back and forgive her. That’s why she doesn’t care if she walks all over you. You’ve taken guilt out of the relationship.”
I drank and sobbed. Sophia was right.
“Well, maybe it’s cause you were raised on the right side of the tracks. You need to do a Jersey on her big butt. if you can’t or don’t want to be that person, fine. I will never say another word about your crazy-assed wife again.”
Sophia was a true friend. We’d met years ago when I contacted a security service about installing a system in my grandmother’s old house. It was on forty acres and used to be a horse farm. I wanted sensors and cameras installed on the perimeter walls and the house, too. The security company sent Sophia out to talk to me. But, instead of buying a system, we spent the afternoon telling each other the story of our lives.
She’d worked hard as a Blackjack dealer in Atlantic City, doubling up as a bartender and a cocktail waitress on the weekends before she met Lou. Long before she married Lou, we’d become friends. He liked to gamble and enjoyed being around her. His kids were grown and had moved away when the two of the started dating. He was deeply in love with her and she was happy to have found someone who appreciated her mind as well as her body.
She’d moved up to the Main Line to be closer to him. And that’s how she ended up pedaling security systems.
I liked her from the first time we met. Instead of selling me a system, I convinced her to go into business on her own for herself. I thought she had the talent and the moxie to go the whole way. So I became a silent partner in her business.
Over several bottles of wine, we created a game plan for her new endeavor. She’d create a service company to older rich people who needed someone to take care of things. Sophia would come in and make a list. She’d arrange for the contractors and oversee every detail of whatever needed doing. I wanted to call her busines ROTPTP for “Rob the rich and pay the poor.” Instead we settled on naming it Sophia’s.
And I made sure she’d make it through tough times by creating the cash flow she needed to stay afloat. I’d arranged with my bank to open up a line of credit to get on her feet. She was the first person that I’d ever played angel for by giving her a loan on a simple handshake. Oh, but, did I mention I owned a small part of a big bank?
My grandmother had a lot of investments and businesses that she’d left me. One of her properties was a Savings and Loan company from back in the 1930’s. It was an old fashion community bank that served the Lehigh Valley. It couldn’t compete with the big boys and was running on empty but still had lots of local customers and generations of family loyalty. When I inherited it, I promptly lined up a national bank to buy me out. It became an upgrade for our employees and customers. Besides the millions of dollars they paid me, I also got a minor seat on their Board of Directors. At nineteen, I was their youngest board member. I was also the only board member who proudly waved an LGBTQ flag.
The old farts laughed at me. One old, white man told me I should just sit there and listen. But, I pushed hard to create a positive attitude towards all people. And when the word got out through our TV and print advertising that women, minorities, same sex families and gay singles were welcomed here, out profits soared. From there, I pushed our nation wide branches to support community projects. We strove to show we cared about the underfed and the under appreciated. When I turned twenty-one, the board wanted to move me up to serve as their vice chairman. I turned them down, saying I could do more good behind the scenes.
I retired my seat when I heard that Forbes was getting ready to write a very complementary article about a special woman who was slated to become the first trans-woman billionaire in the world. That’s when I ducked my high profile position and retired. I declined all the publicity and returned to my small world.
Back when I was eighteen and itchin’ to transition, Grandmother Camille died. I was her only inheritor. Naturally, when all that happened I dove straight into embracing my female side. I had to leave my male life behind. And so, in her honor, I changed my name to Camille.
Gran’s trust included a substantial portfolio of stocks and bonds. As my lawyer, Lily arranged for me to receive a huge check each month from the interest gleaned from gran’s holdings. Instead of spending that money, I lived in my small dorm room and invested most of those dividends. While Lily managed gran’s trust, the portfolio I created was mine to invest.
I guess I was lucky because I was beating all the odds by making a lot of money in the NASDAQ and the New York Stock Exchange. My favorite was playing with ninety day grain futures. I bought shares in all the markets around the world and enjoyed those late night challenges.I saw a lot of action trading Yen for Euros. It was my personal gambling addiction. I really didn’t care how much I made, but I saw that it all got reinvested.
That first year, when Lily happened to see the accountant’s statement on my personal investment portfolio, she freaked and immediately insisted that I incorporate. Lily had made sure that gran’s trust was protected, but now she wanted to start overseeing my personal money, too. I allowed her to send me to an accounting firm and started listening to their advice.
But, I only took advice and chose to handle everything myself. Maybe it was juvenile, but I didn’t even want Lily or a strange accounting firm to oversee my investments. I also liked the idea of betting it all. Before long, I’d moved from investing tens of thousands of dollars to hundreds of thousands daily. I really did my best to kept everything quiet. I never told anyone.
But, finally the government came knocking. It started when the Federal Reserve Board was checking on my seat on my nomination to the board of the large bank. The Securities and Exchange Commision and the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation became aware that I was moving a lot of money around the world awfully fast. It seemed to make them worry. After that, I agreed to slowly pull back. Millions of dollars flying around the global markets managed by a single woman made them nervous.
When Lily found out the extent of my investments, she called it gambling. I remember her shouting. “Dammit, Camille. You’re playing with fire here. The big investment firms don’t move this much money at a time. Your going to be seen as trying to manipulate markets. Movimg half your gains in one day sends small shock waves out across the financial world. It’s just not done that way. It you don’t plan on drawing out these monies, you should start buying bonds. And it will simplify your taxable income. That way, you’ll only pay taxes on a salary you draw as an employee of your corporation.”
And so I stopped. It wasn’t as much fun with everyone looking over my shoulder. I hadn’t realized just how much money I’d amassed over a three year period. It was about the same size as grandmother Camille’s inheritance.
I soothed my conscious by donating half to charities I liked. Eventually, those were the same foundations that my big bank helped too. It was a win-win.
We lived very well as a young married couple. I felt that Lily was entitled to half of everything I had. And I would have generously complied, but Lily didn’t want any of it. She wrote out our prenuptial agreement and all of that property and bonds stayed in my hands.
So, I owned it all. We’d joke how Lily was a kept woman. I paid all her expenses including gifting her a wallet full of credit cards. It was good deal for her but I also saw where every penny she was spending went. I knew about each of her affairs as they happened. I saw the charges on the daytime hotel rooms, their food and drink, and the occasional getaway resort stays. Bermuda and Ibiza seemed to be her favorite places to take her younger men. Those trips and her shopping spree’s reflected a penchant for tiny bikinis and cocktail dresses.
I’d touch all her French lingerie purchases as I’d hand wash them. I always knew that a lover had seen her wearing those skimpy things before she’d brought them home for me to wash. Lily knew I was watching her affairs. I think she saw it as power over me. But, I liked the pleasure of taking care of her beautiful clothes. Until it all backfired.
Lily didn’t flaunt her cheating to my face, but she never lied either. While I tried my best to satisfy her, she’d remind me that she was bi, not gay. Early on in our relationship, I learned that our lovemaking didn’t fulfill all her needs. Her favorite reminder was where she’d laugh after a second cocktail and kiss me. “Camille, you are a perfect wife, but I’m not a vegetarian. I still have a hankering for a good steak.”
I learned to accept what she said. But, sometimes I pretended I didn’t hear her. Instead I concentrated on myself and the steps I needed to take to finish my transition. I loved Lily very much but had to think hard just to understand her. All those affairs were short-lived infatuations. When I saw what was happening, I just shrugged it off. I knew all the rules before we became engaged. I learned what an open marriage entails. I could have asked about each one of her men and knew Lily would have enjoyed telling me everything.
And I could have stepped outside our marriage, too. But, to use Lily’s phrase, I had no interest in dining out at a steak house. I was content with my wife. Did I ever think about beef? No. I looked at guys as aliens.
My all-boys boarding school had provided a wide menu if I wanted to dine at a buffet. But, I realized early on I was female but asexual. Maybe removing my body’s source of testosterone at fifteen prevented me from having deep sexual lusts. But, those upperclassmen who saw my long hair and willowy frame as a potential bottom to their obvious top, were game. I never could get excited as hard as I tried to be somebody’s girl. No one offered me a true relationship. For those guys, it was just about quickies.
So, when I met Lily, it was the first time I’d wanted to make love. And my new found lawyer was interested in training an innocent who was eager to please.
But, I soon realized I wasn’t the only one on her dance card. She had a penchant for twenty somethings. She liked the buff, male model types but never looked for an equal. There were no love affairs, just the occasional fling. I sensed that as Lily got older, these affairs with younger men provided a tonic. I could see the signs. Maybe she’d become bored with me. She’d be distracted. Then, she’d have a fling. After that, she’d be back eager to have me back in her orbit. Our love making would actually become better each time. I was convinced that she loved me more after each affair.
I reflected upon the past months Lily and I spent together. We’d been going through the paces, but I knew all Lily really wanted to do was talk about her new love. She wanted to share her happiness with me.
While I thought she was being mean, it was really all very simple. Lily had already stopping being in love with me. In her mind, I’d just become a loving girlfriend who she could talk with about Tom. I didn’t play. And since I wouldn’t be her confidant, she couldn’t find a place for me in her new life. I served no useful purpose.
I know Lily wanted me to react. Maybe it would have eased her mind if I had screamed and yelled. I guess she would have liked to have said hurtful things back at me. Deep inside, Lily knew the damage she had done, but she was the kind of person who had no remorse. And because I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of showing her that she had broken me, she was angry and contrite at the same time. She wanted to walk away without any guilt but, that was too bad for her. Deep down inside, I knew she wasn’t going to be forgiven. So I worked on forgetting her.
Deep inside, I still felt hurt. But, I decided that the easiest thing I could do was emulate Lily. I, too, would appear light and breezy and act like nothing had happened.
But, even as I played her game, something had died inside my heart and was gone forever. So, I read about the stages of grief and tried a few out. I refused to become angry. Denial was the easiest emotion for me to feel. Lily was there, right in front of my eyes, coming and going on her new schedule, going off to be with Tom.
Whenever she tried to bring him up, I’d shake my head and turn away. There was my denial.
I finally decided it was foolish to think l’d win her love back. If she came home at all, it would be late at night. Obviously, she’d ran through her wardrobe and needed a change of clothes to go to work tomorrow. She’d go straight into the shower to wash off the smell of their romps. And, while we still occasionally cuddled in bed, I’d become a different person. It would be wrong to say I stopped caring. But, I was acknowledging that our love had died. It was an epiphany when I finally realized that for all those years, our love making had been very one-sided. I’d always worked hard to please Lily. My satisfaction came at knowing I was fulfilling my role.
At those times, Lily would laugh. “You really are the girl here. So content just to please. All your satisfaction comes from making me happy. It’s strange to think that’s all you want. I could never be so passive like you. I have needs.”
Lily had always been my mentor. I was eighteen and she was twenty-seven when we’d met. Back then, that was a big difference in our maturational levels. I was a precocious teen starting college, faithfully going to classes, listening to everything said. But after school, I was getting my life classes from Lily. I learned to do her domestic chores. I learned to be her lady-in-waiting. I treated her like she was a goddess on a pedestal. And I loved my role. Until six months ago, I still wanted to stay that person. I was the devoted, loving pleaser.
I had worked hard to become her love slave. And then, when the inevitable happened, I was crushed. She’d tired of my love and sought out someone else. This break-up was my first and I was learning as I went.
Here Lily was on Cloud Nine and I was grieving. By the time I signed those papers, I’d moved on.
Now, it was time to move out. I’d been divorced and I was on my own for the first time since I was eighteen.
Sophia and I talked. After I pointed at what needed to get done to move me out, she wrote it up and gave her crew the list. The two of us went out to the sunroom and talked. She held my hand and I cried. I don’t know whether it was sorrow or relief that caused me to breakdown. But, it was all finally over.
Sophia held me while I sobbed. But, I tried to sound strong.
“Sure, I’m distraught, but at this point, I’m determined to stand up, shake it off, and resume the life that I want. I’m not broken. I’m not down on my knees. I never begged her to love me again. I pretended that everything was fine.”
Sophia was a tonic. She listened, then laughed. “Your ex is bat-shit crazy. She’s a sociopath. She has no guilt about anything she does.”
I listened and now understood what Sophia was seeing.
“Camille, You were blinded by love and never saw the real Lily. In most cases, sociopaths are men. The FBI hunts down people like that who find it easy to become serial murderers. Instead, Lily has unbridled sex with men instead of killing them. All her life, this woman has only thought about her self. Running from you to have one affair after another was more than insane. She’s confused immediate gratification for love. The woman was trying to overcompensate for the missing pieces inside her soul.”
I shook my head. “I’d been her fool. I thought that was what love was.”
“Honey, you’ve been through this shit storm and survived. While Lily single-handedly destroyed your marriage, you are strong enough to stand on your own two feet. You don’t need a wife to hold you up.”
“I’m lost, Sophia. I didn’t have a plan.” But I knew that I was strong enough to rise. I knew that after a period of complete surrender and meditation, I would see a direction to follow.
It took about ninety minutes for us to pack all my stuff and move it out to their big truck. They’d take everything out to the beach for me and I’d spend the next week getting settled. I liked the little house on the bluff. On one side was a mill pond and the other side looked out over the dunes into the ocean. I really was ready for a new view.
I had sweated through my clothes and needed a shower. As I washed, I thought about everything. Some good had come out of all of this. I still loved myself. I didn’t blame myself or look for my shortcomings that might had driven her away. I truly believed I hadn’t failed in our marriage.
It was Lily who had steered us onto the rocks. She had tired of what I offered. But, since it was all I knew, well, I was lost. I didn’t know what else to do. So I stood back and tried to see another perspective. And that’s when it came to me. That’s when I realized it was me who’d been enabling her. I was still being that person. She could count on me for everything. She had my love, my dedication, and my support while she romanced with someone new.
It wasn’t complicated. I’d never clipped her wings. I’d never taken charge or asserted myself. We’d never been equals. I couldn’t look through her eyes or see into her heart. Tom had become her life. It really wasn’t my place to judge her infidelity. But, after listening to Sophia, it was obvious she only cared about herself.
I’d changed. I didn’t want to play the wifey role anymore. Lily wanted a ‘get out of jail free’ card and I handed it to her. I offered her our house and my money. I’d come through to the other side. In the years we’d been together, I’d matured and become the woman I needed to be. I could look in the mirror and smile.
I pulled the shower cap off and moisturized. As I stood there staring at myself, l smiled. All my surgeries, all those enhancements had blended with my own flesh, fat, and muscle that created the look I wanted. The only vestiges of my past could be easily tucked away and out of sight.
I had lied to Lily that morning. All I thought about was my bottom surgery. And now that I’d be living alone, maybe it was the perfect time to call the doctor. I’d estimated it would take six months to recover enough to be back on my feet. So I needed to think through a plan.
I wanted to recover near my surgeon and while I didn’t want to hunker down in a large metropolitan city, I wanted the best team. Surgery and recovery would be a distraction. Speaking about distractions, I realized I needed to dress and head over to the salon. They’d made room for me and I didn’t want to abuse that kindness. Nails and hair. I even thought about letting them do my makeup.
I committed the ultimate sin. I wore Lily’s clothes to the salon. Her bra cup was too large, and really, the thong didn’t fit well either. My waist was tiny compared to hers. I found a pair of yoga pants and a sleeveless tee. Nice, quality stuff that I’d leave behind on the floor when I was done.
The Red Barn was an upscale farm to table restaurant and I needed to bring on the glam without overdoing it. After all, Lily and Tom would be the older couple at the table. I’d researched and found that Tom had already turned forty and Lily was close behind. So, my plan was to emphasize the gap. I’d be the starlet with the perfect body. Fresh face, perfect smile, and innocence all wrapped in a demure, quietly sexy package.
While Tom was having an affair with a woman married to a trans-woman, I wondered how he’d rationalize that in the company of his friends. Jocks were notoriously unkind to gay people and I winced imagining how I’d be perceived. Whenever a guy finds out that I’m trans, the first thing that comes to mind is what’s in-between my legs. But, rather than dwell on the ‘what if’s’ with this impossible dinner, I’d be breezing through for this occasion on my own time. Arrive late and leave early.
The salon was a sweet two hour escape. After that, I had just enough time to change into my evening wear and throw everything else into a bag. I dragged my overnight case out to my car. As I locked our house doors behind me, I tossed the house keys through the mail slot. I grinned thinking if this was a movie, the house would explode and burn just as I reached the road. But, no fireball. Just the sound of the car tires on the lane and crickets in the beginning of night.
I arrived at the Red Barn at eight-thirty, a planned ninety minutes late. When I strolled through the doors, I saw Lily across the room. As I headed her way. I knew the dress was gathering a few eyeballs. It wasn’t anything special, just a little black thing. But, in heels and a beaded black bolero jacket, I was absolutely sex on a stick. I stood almost six feet tall in my stilettos and with my hair up in a high ponytail, well, I couldn’t be ignored. I felt like I was prancing as I arrived at their table.
When Lily saw me, she pursed her lips. I think she expected me to look sad and lost. I knew she wanted to be the star of this party. And, if you think about it, Lily alway expected to be the center of everything. Instead, with all my blonde tresses and long legs, I wasn’t playing the role of the loser. I was an eye full. Jackie, at the salon, had barely touched my skin as she feathered out my makeup. I wore just enough to make my features pop.
I hadn’t dressed up in a while. This wasn’t the introspective shadow that cleaned house and made dinners. Instead of the kitchen girl, Cinderella had come to the ball. I smiled at Lily, then glanced at Tom. He sat there wide eyed, his mouth agape. I wondered what he was thinking.
I was about to apologize for being so late when another person rose to my right. I glanced over and immediately felt an electric current running through my body. I knew I was all stressed out over appearing at this dinner, but I never expected to be standing this close to such a beautiful man.
Tom laughed and finally stood. “Well, it’s so nice to finally meet you, Camille. Lily has told me so much about you, I feel like we’re old friends. And this is my business partner, William Mathews. Our Lily wanted to round out the table and bring you a date. I hope you’re not disappointed.”
Once again, Lily had topped me. Here I was, excited to be making the grand entrance and I was now struggling with keeping my poise. I was standing next to a man who could grace the cover of any men’s magazine or be seen modeling suits for any of the big fashion houses full page adds. I shook his hand. He had a firm, dry grip and gave me a warm smile. But, something was wrong. Mr. Perfect here should have a beautiful woman on each arm. It was obvious that I was being set up.
I frowned a bit as I tried to smile. Obviously, Lily knew just how dashing this William was and she was teasing me by showing me that she knew best. I remember her saying this morning, you need to date a man. Thinking back, I realized even then, Lily had made the reservations days in advance and probably told William to join us. Of course, I was the last to know. I had literally walked into a trap sprung by my dear ex-wife.
I wasn’t about to make a scene and decided to go with the flow. I turned on my best smile towards my date and whispered in his ear. “I’m sorry that you had to be dragged into this soap opera. It’s seems like everyone was in on this but me. I feel like a fool.”
William pulled back and looked at my face. Even with my heels on, the man had to look down on me. He was at least a few inches taller.
“I’m sorry if I appear to be part of a scheme. Tom asked me to join him tonight to be the forth. I think he’d gotten his orders from Lily. But, if I had seen your photo, I would have jumped at the chance. This is all my pleasure.”
I tried to smile. “I was being set-up tonight. Lily handed me divorce papers this morning and insisted that I met her new fiancé tonight over dinner. Obviously, I’m incapable of saying no to her.”
William frowned. “I have an idea. Let’s get some fresh air and take a walk.” He turned to the other couple. “We’re going to talk a stroll and get better acquainted. Go ahead and order. Maybe we’ll be back.”
The gentleman took me by the elbow and steered me around the other diners. He did an excellent Humphrey Bogart saying, “Let’s blow this joint, kid.”
I think it was the first time I’d laughed in a while. I was led out the side doors onto a patio. There were heaters and a fire pit going. The stars were out and it was a beautiful night. If the circumstances were different, maybe I might have enjoyed myself.
We stood together taking in the view, when I turned to him and said. “Thank you for the chivalrous exit. If you walk me around to the parking lot, I’m going to head home.”
“Why?”
“Why, what?”
“I understand you wanting to exit out on those two. I think I’d be just as pissed. But, why are you walking out on me?”
He still held my arm so it was easy to lean in. “William, I’m sure you’re a wonderful man and I know there are many women who would enjoy your company. But, well. You don’t know me and well, most men would not want to be seen with me. I’m trans. I was born a boy.”
William looked at me and kissed my forehead. “And…”
“And, what?”
“Well, trans but why would that put me off? Are you a serial murderer or in the slave trade, maybe smuggling blood diamonds, working with the Mexican cartel?”
I laughed. “William. Trans as in transgender. I would think that would send you running just thinking that you’re standing next to a woman who tucks her penis.”
William grinned. “My older brother is trans and I love him very much.”
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Wait, did my wife just divorce me?
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Dear Readers,
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Invisible has been my guilty pleasure. And I hoped you enjoyed it as much as I did.
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But, while I'm editing and waiting for the final cover, I had to write this little story that came to me in the shower. It's really a first draft and I don't know if it has legs. But, I know the readers here have lots of patience and tolerate my rotten tomatoes.
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By the way, this whole story has been rewritten this week since it was originally published a few weeks ago. To really appreciate it, you might want to skim it all
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Tom watched William stand up and greet Camille. He’d already said hello and tried to add some sincerity into his voice. In his mind, this was going to be an awkward meeting. He’d been having an affair with Lily for months now. She’d explained that she and her wife had an open marriage and the two of them weren’t doing anything wrong.
Tom reflected on the woman he’d just shook hands with. She was a knockout. A real stunner with everything going for her. He’d been told she was a trust fund baby with millions in the bank and was in the process of transitioning. In his own mind, he didn’t see any male characteristics showing around the edgesl. There was no giveaway. She was a ten.
Tom really liked dating married women, especially the ones who cleared it first with their husbands. Husbands! Tom scoffed at any man who’d let his wife screw around on them. In his mind, these whores were only good for one thing. And of course, with no strings attached, Tom was more than happy to please.
He’d started in minor league ball when he was nineteen years old. Even back then, he was tall and strong looking. He knew he was a chick magnet after playing all the team sports in high school. But, baseball opened up a door that had never closed. He literally could be our there swinging a bat or throwing a pitch and the women would line up to watch. All he had to do was make eye contact for thirty seconds to know he’d caught a prize.
Then, he’d call out the trainer. He’d walk over and describe the woman. After the game, she’d be waiting for him in the training room or the office or any place that wasn’t taken. It was like that in every town. And when he moved up to the majors, well, he wasn’t safe anywhere. He’d be recognized walking down the street and women would proposition him. Sometimes, two girlfriends would want to have him at the same time.
The major leagues were prime beef, too. These heifers would do anything to please him. One seasoned player warned him. “Don’t be in any hurry to get married, Slick. Your bride will never do what these broads would do to make you happy. With them, its a click of the fingers. A wife always wants something in return.”
So, Tom took his advice. Tom got a lot of advice and tried to hear what everyone had to say. He’d gotten good financial advice from Patch Mathews, one of the elderly players on the team, about investing his money. He did what he was told and enjoyed watching his bank accounts double, then triple. Eventually, his advisor retired but introduced him to his oldest son, William.
“Tom. This is William. My boy’s been to the Wharton School of Business and Harvard Law. And I think you need a partner to help you diversify and go big. My boy could be the guy to take you there.”
William gave him great advice and had him incorporate. He wanted to simply call it, Tom Reynolds. But, William wanted him to call is the Green Field Fund. Naturally, Tom won out.
After a while, William told him if he wanted to go really big, he needed to go public on the New York Stock Exchange. Tom liked the idea of his name in lights and it proved to be a winner. A lot of fans bought a share or two of Tom Reynolds just so they could look at the fancy paper.
But, some of these guys encouraged their darlings to go out and sleep with this baseball hall of fame winner. One guy even asked his wife to get him an autographed baseball. Tom wanted to personalize it thanking him for letting him have a wonderful weekend away with his wife, but William advised against it. He said that that man would have the evidence to sue him. And William reminded him that America had a strong moral compass.
William reminded him of the stars that had been shot dead by jealous husbands. “Don’t push your luck, Tom. You’re only screwing the wife, not both of them.”
But when Lily told him she was married to another woman, visions of having the two of them, well, that would have been a classic. He joked about it with William.
“So, I met this babe named Lily, who is incredibly hot to trot. She just can’t get enough of Big Tom, showering him love. I’m telling you, she couldn’t get enough of me. And she says she’d in an open marriage with another woman. She tells me the other woman is transgender.”
William looked at him. “Do you know what that means, Tom?”
“Sure. When we did public relation tours in Japan, we’d always do a little side trip to Thailand. I gotta tell you. Everything goes there, dude. I mean some of the players were really bent and loved breeding little girls who were only fifteen. But, I thought that was a sick thing until Wayne took me to a bar where all the entertainers were ladyboys. Amazing looking girlyboys who were eager to please. You could call the shots. Pre, post, two, three, whatever you wanted. Some of them would take a Viagra and their little stuff would stand up straight. Crazy!”
William didn’t say anything.
“So you see, Mr. Harvard Law, I’ve been around the block. But, back to this babe. She’s calling me up and arranging all these meet-ups. It was like she was in perpetual heat. I guess that lesbo action she was getting at home wasn’t enough cause she was begging for Big Tom. I mean, gorgeous body, beautiful face and old enough to appreciate my Major League touch.”
William laughed. “Please, Tom. I hope you don’t talk like that to your friends. Somebody could record your carrying on and you’d end up on the front page. Remember, you’re still selling that squeaky clean image, the All-American guy.”
“Yeah, I need to be in the movies. I could be an action hero.”
“Dream on, partner. But, you need to try to keep Big Tom in your pants. Or someday, you’re going to get your pants sued off.
Tom thought this whole thing was going to be a quickie, but Lily kept coming back, and back. She was really a woman he liked showing off. She was a quality piece and well, the last couple had been kinda cheap and trashy.
Sometimes he worried about the ones who kept coming back, but there was something special about this one. The biggest problem was that Lily was starting to grow on him. He liked her in and out of the sack. He enjoyed her pluck and her take no prisoners moxie. But, after a long weekend in Las Vegas where Lily had brought call girls up to entertain him, well, Tom thought he’d died and gone to heaven.
He was star-struck watching her maneuver these two babes around while they tickled his fancy. Then Lily took the lead engaging in stuff with these dolls you could only imagine in your fantasies.
He was sold.
He turned to Lily as he watched Camille walk away. He was having trouble not staring as he got a perfect view of the woman walking away. “Hey, babe. What just happened? Where are they going? I thought that we were getting something to eat.”
Lily grinned. “I guess your partner just swept her off her feet. I don’t think they’re coming back.”
Tom laughed. “That’s funny. I’ve never known William to be quick to the plate. But, I guess she must have swept him off his feet. The photos of the two of you together don’t do her justice. She’d a ten.”
Lily squeezed his muscle and bit his lower lip as she kissed him. “If she’s a ten, then what am I?”
Tom laughed but knew he’d better answer this one carefully. “You’re off the scale, baby. No one comes close to being as gorgeous as you are. But, seriously, I have a hard time believing that your ex is not real. I mean, when we traveled to Asia for exhibition games, we met plenty of ladyboys, but seriously.”
Lily grinned. “Oh, Tom. I never knew that you enjoyed pushing it deep into those cute trans girls.”
Tom laughed. “Well, if that’s what’s offered, who’s going to turn it down?”
Lily looked at him strangely. “Really, I took you for the All-American guy. Never saw you as the gay type.”
Tom took a big drink of his Scotch. “Guys? Nah. But, when a trans woman goes to all that trouble to make herself a woman, it’s the least I can do to show my appreciation. You know, the two of you are still close, right?”
Lily frowned. “Where’s this conversation going, Tom?”
“Well, I was thinking we could invite Camille to join us. After what you’ve told me, I’m sure she’d do whatever you asked. And seriously, once she gets a peek at Big Tom, well, he speaks for himself.”
Lily stewed a bit before she answered. “Hey. I’ve agreed to an open relationship and if that’s what you want, well, we can do it. But, don’t make me jealous or I might have to behead Big Tom.”
Tom pulled her in closed and squeezed her. “Oh, baby. I’ve only got eyes for you. Dipping Big Tom into an inkwell ain’t love; that’s lust. I love you but I’m not quite dead yet.”
Lily whispered in his ear. “I think it would be polite to let me know who you’re playing footsie with. I get wanting to screw the celebrity, but it better be wham, bam. Nothing that would make me feel taken advantage of.”
“I’m hearing you loud and clear. But, we need to talk about how much Big Tom loves tight spots. Seeing your ex just reminded me. Maybe you can show Big Tom how much you love him by showing him your other spot.”
Lily laughed. “Oh, baby. If I’m giving everything up to you, well, that’s a two way street. You need to learn to worship my beauty, too. You learn to eat at the table of love. You know, a little nibble goes a long way.”
Tom shook his head. “Seriously, that’s not what I am doing. I’m not in on that. But, why don’t we invite Camille over to worship me while Big Tom parts her Red Sea. You can watch and then the two of you could put on a little show like you did back in Vegas. I like watching a little girl-on girl.”
Lily frowned. “Okay, Mr. Smoothie. I think you’ve had too much to drink and not enough to eat. Let’s get you some black coffee and some starchy foods.”
Tom kissed his date. “Well, weren’t you going to tell me something tonight? Or were you saving it for the four of us?”
Lily blushed. “Camille signed the divorce papers today. I am a free woman and ready to become your love slave.”
Tom swallowed. “Uh, yeah. Sure. Good. So you’re a single babe, huh?”
“Yeah, Tom. I thought you’d want to make me an honest woman since I’m eight weeks along with your baby. Don’t you think Tom Reynolds the third should come into this world with a mom and dad who love him?”
It was all he could not to pass out. All the blood drained from his head with all this crazy news. This broad was carrying his baby and now she was expecting him to marry her. He was trying to think, but he was afraid he’d had too much drink on an empty stomach. He lurched up out of his seat and ran towards the men’s room.
He heard her calling to him but he was afraid to speak for fear it would all start coming up. He trotted to the men’s room, slammed the door open and pushed his way to an open stall. Forgetting all publish restroom protocol, he fell to his knees while his stomach emptied itself clean. He hung there waiting for another purge when he realized that this broad was standing next to him.
“Tom. Are you all right? Is there something I can get you? You want a cold towel for your head or something to clean yourself up with?”
He shook his pounding head. Divorced, pregnant, and wanting him to make her an honest woman cause she was carrying his baby. Thinking about that and suddenly his stomach emptied again until he felt rung out. Jesus, he thought. She was standing right there by his side.
He shook his head. “Pregnant? You sure?”
He chanced a look over his shoulder to see her grimace as she nodded. She was getting pissed.
He knew the next question would really pop her cork. “Are you sure it’s mine? I mean you’re the one who screws around without protection.”
Lily looked like she was ready to explode. He watched the tears fill her eyes. “I thought that’s what you wanted. I thought you were going to marry me and I’d give you a family. I was trying to please you.”
He was still too shaky to stand. He sat on the bathroom floor and looked up at her. He reached out and feebly grabbed her ankle. “That’s my dream, Lily. But, well, I never saw it coming around so fast. I mean, I love what we do together. You’re great. But, marriage and a family. I mean, I’m just forty. I could probably have kids for another ten years. I mean what’s the rush?”
She kicked him again. This time she hit his inner thigh. He realized what she was aiming for. “Hey, stop that! I get that your biological clock is running and a broad like you is running out of time. But, hey, for me. I have lots of younger women to choose from.
The next kick hit him right in the jaw and sent him backwards hitting the porcelain toilet bowl. He saw black.
Lily stared down at the unconscious man lying there. Then she noticed bright red blood coming from the back of his head. She kicked him in the side to see if he felt it. He didn’t move. She kicked him again and again and again until she couldn’t kick anymore.
She felt the tears running down her face. She shook her head and muttered, “Fuck me.”
As she walked straight out of the bathroom to the side exit, she prayed that no one saw her. She’d made the reservation in his name because it was the only way they could get a table with a week’s notice. She wondered when they’d find the dead man.
It was time to go home. She wiped the tears from her eyes and felt a pang of nausea pass through her system. It’s that baby, his fuckin’ baby. She thought about him and his baby. She remembered seeing Camille leaving with that side of beefcake.
As she drove back to her house, she stopped off at a bar. She needed a distraction to take her mind off this whole fucking mess. As she walked through the doors, she realized this was a biker bar. She saw the bare, muscle laden arms covered in tattoos. The dirty jean jackets smeared with sweat, blood and motor oil. Perfect, she thought. A couple of these boys should take care of all her problems.
She walked over to the bar making sure she didn’t lose her balance in her four-inch stilettos. Putting one foot on the rail, she looked around. She paused, then spoke with an air of confidence, “Okay, boys. Who wants to buy this lady a drink?”
Two hours later, she led the two bikers back to her place. As she turned onto the lane, she saw the lights, the trucks, and the flames. Smoke was billowing out from everywhere as the flames seemed to lick the old Victorian mansion.
As she got closer, a state policeman stopped her. “Excuse me, ma’am. You can get any closer. This is a total mess. The house is gone. We just got here about twenty minutes ago. We got an anonymous call. Are you the owner?”
Lily watched in her rear view mirror as the motorcycles turned sharply on the grass and beat a hasty retreat. Damn, she thought. This is turning out to be a real cluster-fuck. She’d never gotten the deed changed over or processed in court. She saw the divorce papers in the back seat. “Uh, no. It’s not mine. I just saw the flames and got curious.”
The policeman used his big flashlight to get her turned around and back down the lane. Lily tried to think about finding a place for the night. She realized that everything she owned was back at that house.
Shaking her head, she decided to drive back into town. She still had to go to work in the morning.
As we stood together out on the patio, those were the last words I expected to hear from this man, William. Sure, I’d gotten a number of common lines from guys trying to pick me up. Out for drinks with friends, even wearing an engagement ring and wedding band, guys would hit on me.
I didn’t blame them. I’d spent a ton of cash making myself as beautiful as possible. I had the money, thank you, gran, and could afford to spend it. Sure, vanity and all that, but, I wanted my outer shell go along with my brain. I dreamed of making myself flawless. I did it for all for myself unlike Lily who needed her looks to wrap every soul around her pinkie while dangling her beauty.
We’d walked out on the happy couple. They’d probably spend the night drinking and maybe end up back at his place since it was closer.
But, I still had this weird entanglement with a beautiful man who just told me that his brother was trans. I assumed that this brother used to be his sister. I paused for a moment and thought to about this brother’s life and wondered how he was doing. I could ask.
I looked at this guy. “William, tell me about your older brother.”
He nodded. “I’ll keep it sweet and simple. Jan was always our mother’s helper. I don’t think that anyone knew how she felt inside. She never acted out her feelings, but in high school started becoming the guy she wanted to be. By the time she got to college, she’d told everyone about her plans.
“She transitioned during those four years and became my older brother. Our relationship never changed. I loved Jan and he loved me. Eventually, he finished up and found a loving woman to marry. They are happy raising two kids and we’re still very close.”
Camille shook her head. “So how about you?”
William smiled. “I was closed to being engaged to Jessica. We lived together and we loved each other dearly. We met in college and shared a place for two more years. But, well, it wasn’t perfect. She met another guy and just loved him more. We both cried, but it just wasn’t meant to be.”
“So, I’ve been dating but I’m not really looking for another Jessica.”
I squeezed his hand. “I want to talk to you until the sun comes up. I have this great place out on the coast if you want to take a drive. But, I have a favor to ask before we head out.”
I saw him smile and look at me. This might have been Lily’s plan, but sometimes things don’t always go the way you plan them. I didn’t know this beautiful man, but he seemed like a nice guy.
When I was eighteen and met Lily, I sensed something special and acted on it. And now, we were standing here on the patio under the stars and I felt good about myself. I realized I didn’t need a plan but just to go with the flow.
“Tell me, William. How are you at building fires? Tonight, I want to burn my house down.”
He shrugged. “That’s the wildest pickup line I’ve ever heard. I know you’re crazy rich but I didn’t see you as insane. I guess if it’s your house, you can burn it down if you want to. But along the way, I need to ask you what your plans on for thirty percent of our company.”
finis
This is just the beginning of a new story. If you want to read more, please let me know. And just to remind you, I have a new novel on Amazon called Being Invisible. Take a look. There are lots of chapters to read for free.
Don’t Worry
Leslie Moore
“Honey, it’s okay. I’m sure when you get your strength back, everything will be fine.”
Mathew wiped a tear from his eyes. Even since he’d been sick, so much had changed. He’d lost so much weight, pounds that he couldn’t afford to lose. And strength. He’d always be described as slight, but after spending four weeks in bed, he was a mess. And now that he was starting to recover, well. It just wasn’t going fast enough. “I just feel bad for you, honey. I’m absolutely useless. I never intended for you to take care of me. That’s my job. I’m the breadwinner.”
His wife, Frankie, smiled. “Why, baby, don’t feel that way. You please me. I’m happy. You’ve made sure I’m always satisfied. I’m content.” She turned away so Mathew couldn’t read her face and see what she was really thinking. “I’ve run a bath for you. Mother’s coming by after she finishes her hospital rounds to check up on you. We need to freshen you up after our love making.”
Mathew nodded. “Thank you. I wish I had the strength to stand in the shower. I feel so helpless depending on you for everything. And not being able to perform. It’s very frustrating.”
“Here, pull off that nightshirt, and let me look at you. You never were a big guy, but I almost feel like I could pick you up. I’m sure I outweigh you.”
Mathew nodded. “Well, that’s you. I’ve always been attracted to strong women. I think it’s great you enjoy going to the gym and staying fit.”
Frankie agreed. “Strong women. Like our moms. Your mom with her business and mine becoming a doctor. And you know now much I just love to work out. I think that some men would be intimidated by a woman like me.”
“Not me.” Mathew let her help him into the deep tub full of hot water. He sighed aloud. It felt so good as he inhaled. “What’s the scent? I don’t recognize it?”
Frankie nodded. “It’s a new one I found at the mall. I thought that we could share it. Now, let’s wash your hair. Your hair and face smell of me. I can’t believe you had me exploding like that. I’m forever changing the bed after our lovemaking. And I’m always surprised that you don’t mind.”
“No, I like pleasing you. I get pleasure, too. I know I’ve got you going when you just let everything go.”
“And I’m always amazed that doesn’t gross you out. I know you’re doing it for me, and well, I try to reciprocate.”
“Frankie, I get embarrassed when you take me over the edge that way. Sometimes, well, it’s not very manly. I mean my body, well, I lose control.””
“I’m sure that when you get your strength back, you won’t need my little helper. I do like to get you moaning. It makes me feel powerful hearing you scream my name.”
Mathew shook his head from side to side. “It seems like such a role reversal when you take me like that. Don’t you look down on me? Should I be embarrassed?”
Frankie smiled and added conditioner to his hair. “I like it. Sometimes, I imagine I’m the guy making my girlfriend scream with pleasure. But, you know that mother was the one who suggested we do that. She says it's important to keep those nerve endings ready. She said that when you get all your strength back, you don’t want anything to atrophy.”
“Well, I really feel like everything is shrinking. Losing all that weight and, well, energy. I feel like everything has gotten smaller down there.”
Frankie kissed him on the lips. Even after scrubbing his face, he still smelled. “My mom is the best doctor to help you. And she cares so much about her son-in-law. All the infusions, the supplements, and the weekly shots. I love how she’s filling you with vitamins to make you strong again.”
Mathew nodded as Frankie combed through his wet hair. He felt his wet hair hitting his shoulders. “Look at that length. I’m a mess. I’m long overdue for a trim. I think my hair has gone from stylishly long to a fright wig. And I can’t even imagine trying to find a suit that fits when it’s time to go back to work.”
“Well, if I can get you to stand up long enough, I can measure you properly. We can send one or two of your suits out to the tailors.” Frankie thought about how handsome Mathew looked in his business suits. “You know, that’s how I first saw you. You were running the office and looked so important. The captain of the ship. Giving orders, keeping everything flowing.”
“Well, thank goodness my mom could fly up and take back over. I never envisioned this virus to be so debilitating.”
“Well, you’re lucky. After all, you’d been running the company since you graduated college, and the profits have grown each year. No one ever expected you to bring out new lingerie lines in the first year. Even now, as you expand the company, everything has been a hit. You really do have a sense of how women like to look.”
Mathew shook his head. “I miss work. We’re just lucky that mom is supporting up. That used to be my job. I miss taking care of you.”
This is just the beginning of a new story. But, it comes with a warning. I've crossed a line here by writing an adult-themed story that is intended for a mature reader.
And, of course, I have to remind you that I have a new novel on Amazon called Being Invisible. (It is very G rated, not like this twisted thing I'm presenting here.) Take a look. There are lots of chapters to read for free.
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Don’t Worry
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Leslie Moore
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Chapter 2
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Mathew watched Frankie fluff up his covers before she helped him back to bed. He smiled. “You are being so good to me. No one ever spoiled me like this before I’d gotten sick. But, now, you’re smothering me with love. Sometimes, I almost feel like purring.”
Frankie smiled and kissed the top of his hair.
Mathew was still babbling. “Honey, I feel so much love pouring out of my heart. I sometimes think this whole experience has helped me find another side of myself. And when I think about how you’ve stepped up and taken care of me, well, it almost makes me feel like crying. Before I got sick, I never felt these emotions.”
Frankie listened and smiled. She knew why he was feeling this rush of emotion, but this was not the time to tell. Since Covid, Mathew had been reduced to depending on her for everything, and she was also experiencing a new set of emotions. Frankie was enjoying this feeling of power and Mathew’s adoration at the same time. She secretly hoped it would continue. She was warming up to being in charge of her little hubby.
Frankie talked to him while she got him ready to get in bed. “You know, baby. When I first started dating, I’d never had a boyfriend quite like you. I’d always been attracted to guys who made me feel delicate and pretty. By the sixth grade, I was already taller than all my classmates. And it didn’t help that I was big and husky. It was a very awkward time for me.
“I found my escape in sports. I loved playing softball and women’s rugby. Standing almost six feet tall, I’d always been a powerhouse among my teammates. They looked to me to hit the winning run or muscle my way down the field. And all my coaches and trainers encouraged me to take up weight training, too. So I learned to love it when I bulked up with muscles across my broad shoulders and powerful legs. I never realized what I was doing.
“Most guys were intimidated by my presence. I stood apart, being so big and strong. No one realized that inside I was just another young teen. But, after one ugly incident where a guy purposely spilled his lunch tray over my head, no one ever considered making fun of me. The kid called me ‘she-hulk’ and Shrek in the lunch room loudly in front of everyone.
“I knew how to handle myself, so I blocked him to the ground, and when I sat on the guy’s chest, he knew it. All the kids laughed at him as he whined about being crushed. But, no one ever bothered me again.”
Mathew closed his eyes. He loved listening to her voice. He felt tears on his cheeks as he tried to picture her trying to cope.
“But, you know, Mathew. I secretly longed to be a princess. Deep inside, I envied those pretty cheerleader types with their long blonde hair and willowy figures. And it broke my heart, watching all the boys cluster around them, eager for their attention.”
“It’s okay, Frankie. We’ve all wanted to be what we weren’t. I looked at all those big guys with their bulging muscles. There were plenty of times I had fantasies.”
Frankie tried to picture Mathew’s muscle envy and wondered where that thinking would take him in three months. She smiled at the thought of him looking at buff guys and what he’d be fantasizing about.
“Well, I finally found happiness with the guys on the football and basketball teams. Back then, I loved being in their strong arms, feeling their chests tight against my breasts at the school dances. I loved it when those tall, muscular guys would look down at me and kiss my lips. I loved when they dominated me, and I secretly melted in their arms.
“By the time I reached college, I was an easy target for those kinds of jocks. They didn’t have to bring flowers or candy. It wasn’t necessary to gift me expensive perfume or boxes of imported candy. All they had to do was pick me up off the ground and hold me tightly. I started becoming addicted to pretending I was that cute, blonde cheerleader.
“That was until Dan came along. That’s when things changed. He was drop-dead gorgeous and seemed to love me as much as I adored him. It was a fairy tale week of romance until he took me to his fraternity party on Saturday night. I felt like a princess in my party dress, and Dan was my prince.”
Mathew was listening. Frankie had never shared like this before he’d gotten sick.
“That was until he slipped something into my drink. After that, things became a blur. I remembered him laying me on his bed and whispering that it was time for him to introduce me to the rest of his friends. He smiled and mumbled they would enjoy my precious body, too. I tried to tell him no and that I was a virgin. But after that night, those jocks helped themselves to me. All I remembered were all the faces, all the pain, and the horrible feeling of being helpless and dominated.
“When I woke up the next morning, I was lying on the wet grass outside by the dumpsters behind the cafeteria. I was disoriented and racked with pain. I crawled into a sitting position and cried for an hour until I had no tears left. They’d gang-raped me and put me out with the trash. When I finally limped back to my dorm room, I showered and then slept for a day and night. All I could do was cry with embarrassment. I blamed myself and never thought of going after Dan for revenge. I never pointed a finger or told the campus police about the rape.”
Mathew felt the tears rolling down his face.
“The next time I saw Dan was in one of my classes. I glared at him. He laughed in my face and asked if I wanted copies of the pictures he’d taken on Saturday night. He told me that I’d looked pretty eager to take on his fraternity brothers, and they were all looking forward to when I was ready to have them all again.
“I was speechless and turned away before he could see the tears. I left the classroom and soon dropped out of school. I came home and wanted to die. When I finally confessed what had happened, my mom found a counselor to help me overcome the mental anguish that haunted my dreams. After six months, I felt strong enough to attend community college, but never went out on a date again.
“And that’s how I led my life until I met you, Mathew. You were the opposite of everyone I’d ever longed for. You weren’t even as tall as I was. You were slim and didn’t have bulging muscles. But you were kind and caring. You made me feel special every time you looked at me. I adored how handsome you were in your beautifully tailored suits as you ran the family business. You were encouraging and kind to everyone who worked for you. And, then, you professed your love to sad, damaged me.
“I never felt threatened on our wedding night. I loved it when you worshiped every inch of my body. I loved how you gently kissed me and eventually whipped me into a passionate frenzy. I was able to forget about my past fears of being dominated.”
Frankie knew she could have carried Mathew across their threshold. But, all those thoughts were cast aside as he brought her to one climax after another that first night they made love. His lovemaking style was different. Because of the diminutive size of his organs, they both understood he couldn’t satisfy her in the usual way. But Frankie was overwhelmed as he pleasured her with his tongue and fingers. Her wedding night was heavenly.
And for the longest time, Mathew brought her deeper and deeper to a level of satisfaction that consumed her. In that non-threatening environment, Frankie found it easier and easier to lose herself completely in their passion. And Mathew seemed to relish everything she offered him. The night she’d finally lost control of her bladder after multiple orgasms, he greedily consumed every drop of her golden nectar instead of pushing her away.
At first, Frankie was shocked and embarrassed. But, Mathew assured her that act made him feel more manly. He was pleased that he’d been able to bring her to such a dizzying state. He said that everything she then offered was a delight. From then on, each time they made love, Mathew took her further and further. And each time she spurted, Mathew would gulp down her nectar with a smile on his face.
Frankie noticed that Mathew’s orgasms seemed to be much more powerful whenever it happened, too.
At first, it all seemed wonderful. But, after about six months, Frankie started to wonder what had happened. She’d still enjoyed their sex together, but she'd fallen out of love with Mathew. She worried that maybe the passion of their relationship had not turned the corner into mutual love.
Chapter 3
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And that’s when Frankie decided to confess her fears to her mom. “Mother, I worry that I’ve made a mistake in marrying Mathew. I love how Mathew showers me with gifts and gives me everything I could want. But, I worry if that’s all there is to our relationship. I feel like I’m a bad person taking advantage of his kind and loving spirit.”
Her mom handed her some tissues from her bag. “You’ve done nothing wrong and Mathew adores you.”
“But, I feel so horrible. My thoughts about him are changing and I’m afraid of becoming a terrible person.”
“No, baby, you’re just young. You’re not even twenty years old. After everything that happened to you at school, I think you’re still recovering. I think Matthew has helped you heal. You’re feeling so comfortable that you’re ready to try again at dating. Mathew’s sweet, non-threatening manner has been so encouraging. Maybe you should talk to him and ask for an open marriage.”
“I don’t know. I’m afraid of hurting him.”
“Well, life’s not perfect. If you’re afraid of saying something, just hold off for a month. Just try to keep yourself busy while I think about this. Can you do that?”
“Of course, mother. You know what’s best.”
So Frankie filled her time with tennis and golf. She spent hours each day in the gym working out. Frankie really enjoyed the attention the big guys gave her when they were in the weight room. Mathew encouraged her workouts and paid for a personal trainer. And Butch showed her how she could still feel feminine and that having muscles was beautiful.
Frankie started to fantasize about Butch. He was tall and muscular and physically the opposite of her husband. She couldn’t look at Mathew in his tailored suits and stylishly long hair without thinking about Butch, in his tight tee shirts and spandex workout shorts.
And at night, when the married couple made love, Frankie would close her eyes and try to imagine what it would be like with Butch. And when she’d completely immersed herself in her fantasies, everything became even more wonderful.
Mathew thought it was his ministrations that were taking her to another level. He was innocent of her fantasies until one day Frankie called him from the gym to tell him her car wouldn’t start. When Mathew drove over to the gym, he met Butch for the first time.
Frankie was standing there in her sweats. She was smiling and gave him a big hug. “Oh, honey. Thank you for rescuing me. You are my prince.”
Mathew smiled and looked over at the big man standing behind her. “I’m Mathew. My guess is that you’re Butch, Frankie’s trainer, right?” He reached over to shake and watched his whole hand disappear in the man’s large paw. He had to look up at this tall, well-constructed man. For the first time in their relationship, Mathew felt inadequate.
On the way home, Mathew had trouble listening to his wife’s voice. He wondered if he was selfish by keeping Frankie to himself. He started thinking that she needed to enjoy what was out there and not be chained to him.
When they got home, Frankie started walking into their bedroom suite. As she was taking off her sweaty workout clothes, she realized that Mathew had followed her. She turned and saw the sadness in his eyes. “What? What’s the matter?”
Before he could answer her question, he was overwhelmed with dizziness. He tried to talk but couldn’t get his breath. He moaned as he collapsed to the floor.
Frankie thought he’d died. She rushed to his side and heard his labored breathing. She grabbed her phone and called 9-1-1.
The EMTs had him on oxygen almost immediately. They warned her to put on a mask. “Has your husband had the Covid vaccines?”
“Oh, yes. We’ve both had two vaccines and two boosters. Why is he so sick?”
As they wheeled him out to their ambulance, the second man was fitting him with an IV. “The virus mutates. We’ll start him on an infusion on the way to the hospital. Hopefully, it will save his life.”
And that’s when everything changed. Frankie got special permission to be by Mathew’s side while they waited for the anti-viral drugs to work. But, just as he was rounding the corner back to good health, Mathew caught pneumonia. It took almost four weeks before he recovered enough to go home.
After Frankie got him settled in, the doorbell rang. It was her mother. She was bringing a large box of medical supplies. “Oh, mother. Thank you. You were the best thing that Mathew could have asked for. I think you saved his life by treating him.”
“Where’s he now?”
“Asleep. The ride home took all he had.”
“Well, baby. I think I saved both your lives.”
Frankie was puzzled. “How?”
Her mother smiled. “First, I need to tell you a little more about me. I’m very protective about my little girl.”
“Mother. I’m not very little.”
“Well, you will always be my baby. And sometimes a mother has to be bold to keep her daughter healthy and happy”
“Mom, where are you going with this?”
“It was my fault you were raped. I failed to keep you safe.”
“No, mother. The only fault was with those fraternity men.”
“I took care of them. They will never hurt anyone again. I killed all of them.”
“What!”
Frankie’s mother approached her and whispered in her ear. “The boy who planned all of that. I gave him a much stronger version of what he dosed you with. Then I drove him out to the National Forest. I tied him down, and when he woke, I used hedge clippers to cut his genitals off. I documented it. The video shows all the blood and the audio captured all his screaming.
“When he awoke, he tried to drag himself to safety, but the blood loss had left him weak and helpless. I recorded another twenty minutes while wolves feasted on his body. I scared them away before the corpse was unrecognizable. I wanted him to be found.
“Two of the boys died in a Saturday night car crash when they were drag racing. Everyone who witnessed their fiery death thought it was because their brakes locked up at high speed, and as the car flipped, it exploded. No one knew about the drugs I added to their case of beer. They never suspected that someone dosed their bottled beer with LSD and Angel Dust. And it was so easy to buy a bottle capper. You can pick them up at any home brewing shop.
“Two more died from alcohol poisoning. The police thought it was another case of too much drinking on a quiet weekend when their parents were away. It was easy to overdose them with grain alcohol and enough barbiturates to stop their hearts.
“And the final boy confessed to everything. While the police will never read his suicide note, I wanted it for you. He gladly used his father’s revolver on himself after I showed him what I did to Dan.”
“And finally, I’ve helped you solve your problem with Mathew.”
Frankie put her fist in her mouth to keep from screaming.
Chapter Four
“Mother, what are you going to do? Are you going to kill him?”
“What do you care, dear? The last time we talked, you told me you made a mistake in marrying the little twerp.”
“Mother, I made a mistake. But he’s always been so wonderful to me. He’s done nothing to justify you killing him. He’s not Dan.”
“No. You are right. Dan was an animal who simply needed to be put down. And before I euthanized him, I fixed him and let him feel pain. I wanted him to experience castration before I sent him on his way. I enjoyed watching him scream and cry. It really was a shame I just couldn’t let him live in that state, but, that would have never worked out. He’d put me out of business. I agree that Mathew is a caring, loving, person and wants to please you. But, Mathew’s not a man. From everything you’ve shared, he much more of a woman. All those wonderful qualities that he demonstrates are from his feminine side.
“A real man would have gone out and taken revenge on the boys who gang-raped his wife. A real man would have done what I had to do.”
“Mother, I would hope that no one would commit murder in the name of justice. I think you were wrong in what you did. And as far as criticizing him, I think that’s unfair. He’s wonderful. It’s not his fault that he has physical limitations. He does his best to be my loving partner.”
“Oh, hell. Frankie. Dan was more of a man than Mathew. But, he was rabid. And seriously, it’s about time you faced the real world. Men are only good for breeding purposes. They need to be treated like bulls. And you only need one prize bull for breeding.”
“Mother, how can you say that? And what have you done to my husband?”
“I’m telling you, Frankie. You need to open your eyes. He’s not your husband, he’s your wife! Everything you’ve shared points to his feminine nature. And while she was in intensive care, I gave her a little push. I started her on hormones.
Frankie moaned. “Why, mother? What did he ever do to hurt you? That man helped me grow out of my trauma of being raped. He’s been patient and loving. He’s never made me feel threatened or dominated. No, he’s been more than kind and loving. And what have you done to him?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. I really haven’t started the complete process with him yet.”
“Process? What process? It sounds like you’ve done this before!”
“This is what you do with the runts of the litter. You castrate the males, soften them up like the girls, then you make them useful by serving them up at the table. And, yes. I have.”
“You’ve done this to a man?”
“Yes. A useless man, a good for nothing man. A man that was only good for procreation. Well, and once he’d done the deed, he needed to become useful. So I performed my process and made her a loving woman. I didn’t have to sacrifice her, but sent her forward with a new direction. And she loved serving a useful role. You loved her. You described her as a second mother.”
“Aunt Edna?”
“Oh, yes, baby. Your Aunt Edna started out as your father, Edward. Right after we were married, he declared that I should take care of him. And just because he came from money, he told me I should be grateful that was paying for my schooling. He thought I should worship the ground he walked on. Well, he leaned a lesson from me. Once I chemically castrated that cad, he wasn’t as demanding anymore. And before long, he was begging my forgiveness and asking me to help him find a purpose. Eventually, with the proper training she became your wet nurse and raised you. In turn, I made her complete.”
Frankie stared. She couldn’t stop the pounding in her head. “I thought Edna went off to be married in California. I met her fiancé William.”
“That was part of the deal. She begged me for that final surgery and when you started school I allowed her to leave and find true love. She really believed that’s what she wanted. I used psychotropic drugs, mind control through auto suggestion, and of course testosterone blockers and powerful estrogen compounds to make sure it work.”
Frankie was horrified. “And that’s what you’ve done to Mathew? You’ve chemically castrated him and pumped him full of estrogen?”
“Oh no, baby. Remember, he was always incapable of performing his manly duties. And I only started dosing him four weeks ago when I started treating him for Covid. He recovered so quickly from the virus that I had to give him pneumonia to keep him in ICU.”
Frankie stared at her mother. “That’s crazy! You gave Mathew pneumonia? What if he had died?”
“Oh, honey. I was right there with him. And seriously, if he’d died, wouldn’t that have answered all your prayers? As a widow, you’d have his money and you could finally date a real man. Win-win!”
“Mother, you need to stop. I don’t want you touching him. I want you to leave us alone and give us some space. Mathew might not be perfect, but you need to stop playing God with our lives.”
As her mom packed up, she knew that her daughter would see the truth soon enough. She also knew that the Norplant device she’d already put under Mathew’s skin would continue to deliver the proper doses of daily estrogen over the next three months.
Chapter Five
After her last meeting with her mother, Frankie wrote her a letter. She suggested that they take some time to cool down and reflect. She never told Mathew why they parted ways but went ahead and found her husband a new doctor. The fact that Mathew had just left the ICU unit, helped her get him an appointment for the following week.
Mathew was quite appreciative. But, the most challenging event he faced was getting the blood work before his appointment. This was a formidable task because he wasn’t mobile yet. He needed Frankie’s help getting into the car and to the clinic. Fortunately, his wife was strong enough to bear most of his weight.
As they were driving home, he kept feeling his eyes closing. “I can’t believe I’d grown so weak lying in bed for a month. All that strength and weight just left me so quickly. I’m exhausted.”
Frankie patted his arm. “You had Covid and lived to tell about it. But, it left your body weak and drained. And after that, you contracted pneumonia which probably robbed you of what little strength you had left. But, in time, you will recover.”
Even though he felt better with his wife’s pep talk, he still fell soundly asleep when he was tucked into bed. He moaned, feeling his helplessness overtake his body and soul.
Two days later, they had to repeat the procedure at the doctor’s office. When they arrived and checked in, the receptionist smiled. “Mr. Wilson, you can go right into room number two. The doctor will be in to give you a full physical.”
Mathew smiled, “Can my wife accompany me?”
“Of course. But she’ll need to sign a form before we start. I assume you have no objection to her attending the consultation, too?”
“Right.”
Frankie had to help Mathew into the examining room. She helped him disrobe down to his boxers and put on a cotton gown. She laughed when she saw that he was using a safety pin to hold his underwear up. “I still can’t believe how much weight you’ve lost.”
“I think the Covid killed my taste buds, too. I’ve had no desire to eat.”
“Well, we need to buy you some over-the-counter liquids like Boost to build you up.”
At that moment, the doctor entered the room. He was young and quite handsome. Frankie was enjoying the show and noticed that Mathew had perked up, too.
After shaking hands, Dr. Charles started examining Mathew. “Mr. Taylor, do you have any objection if my nurse takes notes while we talk? I’m assuming that your wife can hear anything we talk about.”
“Sure.”
After the usual blood pressure, temperature, height, and weight, Dr. Charles began to touch Mathew everywhere while he dictated notes to his nurse.
He looked Mathew in the eyes. “Mr. Taylor, when did you start transitioning?”
Mathew’s eyes grew wide. “Transitioning?”
Dr. Charles nodded. “Sure. Your blood work indicated that you have several different types of estrogen in your bloodstream. And I can see the physical changes in your body already. Are you capable of an erection?”
Mathew blushed. “Only when I am waking up in the morning and have to urinate. After that, I am incapable of penetration. But, I’m not aware of any estrogen in my bloodstream nor of any changes in my body.”
Dr. Charles paused. He picked up his tablet. “You have copies of your blood work on the table, but let me point out what I’m talking about. Do you see this line here? Well, that estrogen product is commonly found in women’s contraceptive products. Are you taking birth control pills?”
“No, but my wife is.”
“Well, that birth control pill runs through your wife’s bloodstream and exits through her urine. Does that ring a bell?”
They both blushed, but Mathew answered. “Uh, yes. That does.”
“Mr. Taylor, I am not here to judge. But, if you aren’t transitioning, well, you have a choice. I’m just saying if what you’re drinking is a conscious choice, well, I recommend you make a choice. Stop swallowing, or your wife needs to stop taking birth control pills.”
Mathew nodded and glanced at Frankie.
“Now. Let’s look at the second line. This estrogen is given to someone who is transitioning. And this tells us that you are full of this product.”
Frankie asked the question. “Is this a recent thing?”
“That’s hard to say. Mathew is showing signs of the physical changes I see in trans women. But, it’s in it’s early development. From my observations, I would say Mathew is six months into transitioning. But, his breast development is unusually strong.”
The doctor indicated that Mathew takes the top of his cotton gown down. “Nipple development and aureoles are progressing well. And he’s already grown enough real breast tissue to fill an A cup.”
“And the third estrogen that the blood work shows comes from the Norplant product on the inside of your upper thigh. I can see that one. Looking at the undissolved portion, I’d estimate that it is one-third gone. That’s a three-month product.”
Both Frankie and Mathew were in shock when the doctor showed them the product. It was small but visible.
“The doctor who put this in entwined it with the major artery running through your leg. The estrogen is going directly into your bloodstream. Now, I do have a question. Did either of you know that this was being done to Mathew? Mathew, are you transitioning?”
Mathew shook his head. “No, I am not transitioning, nor was I aware of the three types of estrogen in my system. I didn’t notice the changes happening in my body either.”
The doctor shook his head. “Well, I see a thinning waist and generous amounts of fat settling in the hips and buttocks. And we’ve already talked about Mathew’s breast growth.”
“Can the Norplant be removed?”
The doctor shook his head. “Certainly, but I wouldn’t recommend it. It would be a dangerous and damaging surgery. As I said earlier, it’s very close to an artery. A mistake might cause the need for amputation or even death. If that artery is touched with a scalpel, well, it’s fatal.”
“You have control over two of the three estrogen products inside you right now. No birth control pills and no more injections or infusions. The Norplant will continue to add estrogen for another two months, so I predict you will continue to change. Your mind and body will continue to shift for a while. Then, we’d have to wait for the Norplant estrogen to finally leave your body. I’d say that in a year, you won’t have any estrogen in your bloodstream.”
“Will the body changes fade after the Norplant wears out?”
“Not without surgery.”
Suddenly, Frankie started sobbing and poured out the whole story of her mother’s intervention and all the other deeds she had done. Both the doctor and his nurse sat there with their jaws open.
After Frankie was done, the doctor shook his head. “I am very sorry to hear this, but you and I both know that your mother is a homicidal criminal and needs to be arrested. Even though, on the surface, she appears normal, it sounds like she is insane. I have an obligation to contact the authorities. Would you be willing to testify?”
Frankie nodded.
Chapter Six
As soon as they got to the car and Frankie buckled him in, she kissed him soundly on the lips. “You know I love you and would never have anything to do with my mother’s scheming.”
As Mathew kissed her back, he reached his arms around his wife’s neck and hugged her fiercely. “I love you too much, but you need to leave me. I’m an anchor around you and dragging you down. After talking to the doctor, my mind is made up. I was already broken when we met. I’ve never been able to fulfill my duties in the bedroom and trying to please you in other ways backfired big time. All those juices I’ve swallowed have dosed me with so much estrogen that it’s affected me physically. And then, who knows what your mother did to me?”
Mathew stared into her eyes as the tears rolled down his cheeks. “There’s no turning back. The way I figure, in three months, I’ll be almost a year on estrogen. We can see what it’s done to me already and even the doctor said they can’t stop it.”
Frankie looked horrified and when she went to protest, Mathew cut her off. “I’m just so broken you’ve just got to leave me behind. You are so young and caring. But I think it’s time. You are so ready to go find a real man to make you forget me. You should search out someone like your trainer, Butch. I should become a memory before I turn into your sister.”
Frankie froze. It was almost like Mathew was reading her mind and looking deep into her heart. “No! I love you.”
Mathew hesitated. “Yes. I know you love me, but there’s a difference between loving someone and being in love. I have eyes. We’ve been spending a lot of time together since I’ve been sick. I see you daydreaming. Especially when you return from the gym after spending time with your trainer. There’s no mystery how much you want him. At this point, I love you too much to be that selfish.”
Frankie knew everything Mathew was saying was true but she felt guilty. She wanted to tell him that he was wrong, but couldn’t.
Mathew looked into her eyes. “Even our lovemaking has changed since you met Butch. It’s obvious who you want in your bed. I get it. And it’s only going to get worse for us. My body will keep changing until I’m unrecognizable. I’ve tried to ignore what’s happening but after talking to the doctor today, well, your mom got her wish. She permanently destroyed any masculinity I ever had. She was able to alter my future with her drugs.”
Frankie was almost hysterical. Everything was crashing down around her. She’d done nothing with Butch other than fantasize. And she never knew that her mother was a murderer. “No! She can’t win. We’ll go see another doctor, we’ll get more tests. There’s got to be a way through this. Maybe I’m guilty of fantasizing, but I’m married and have my vows to honor.”
Mathew shook his head feeling his too long hair touching his ears and shoulders. “No. You owe me nothing. We both know that I’m a eunuch and my future is bleak. Your mom destroyed any shred of dignity I had left. Thanks to Covid and her giving me pneumonia, I’ve lost weight and muscle. And now, thanks to that damn Norplant, everything I gain back will flesh out my body with curves. I’m growing breasts! All my weight is going to my hips and butt! It’s not fair what’s happening, but I’ve got to face the facts. Maybe it would be best if I should just die.”
Frankie slapped his face hard. “No. No. Stop talking like that. I love you and I will always love you. Don’t be so quick to throw away what we have.”
Mathew kept talking until they reached their home. As Frankie helped him get back in bed, he stripped his clothes off in front of her. “Look at me! You can see it, too!” He started crying. “I’m a mess. I can barely stand up straight. I’m so weak, I don’t have the strength to even support myself!”
Frankie was desperate for anything to help. “I don’t know what to say, Mathew. Maybe you need a back brace to assist you. You need a back support. I have a brace that I use in the gym when I’m lifting heavy weights. Maybe that will help.” She dug through her drawers and held it up. It was black spandex covered in satin vertical stripes.
Mathew frowned. “It’s a woman’s foundation garment. Our company makes these.”
Frankie nodded. “Yep. But this is heavier and reinforced to keep my back straight”
“Why are you offering it to me?”
“I thought it would help you stand up straighter. It was just a thought.”
Mathew looked it over. He sighed. “I feel like a cripple, but sure. If you think it would help.”
He turned and watched as she fitted it over his shoulders and then laced it tight in the back.
“Now, it zips up the front. Look, you’re standing straighter already.”
Mathew turned to see the results in their bedroom mirror. “Wait. This is for a woman, it’s body forming. The chest piece looks like I have boobs and well, it’s nipped in at that waist and makes my hips and butt look even bigger.”
Frankie giggled. “Oh, honey. I don’t mean to laugh. But your flesh is almost filling up those cups. With that brace squeezing you, your boobs are as big as mine. And your butt and hips are getting pretty soft and round, too.”
Mathew was feeling lightheaded as he stared at himself. He did look like some sort of freak show. But, as he was looking, he felt all the blood rushing to his member.
Frankie noticed immediately. She’d never seen him erect. “Oh, my god, honey. Look at you. I’ve never seen this before. I can’t believe it. And you’re large. Wow!”
Mathew didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He’d never had a daytime erection and now he was getting one wearing his wife’s lifting jacket.
Frankie came over and gently caressed it. “I like it.” She kissed him on the mouth. “I really like it.” She squeezed it and was surprised to see Mathew wobbling with his eyes closed and having to lean a hand on her shoulder to stay upright.
An hour later, they were both breathing hard after the most exercise Mathew had had in a month. “Oh, lord. That’s never happened before. In all my life, it’s never happened before.”
Frankie was curled up next to him. She was satiated. She’d never experienced sex that way with her husband and it was wonderful. “Why now, baby? Do you think it was wearing my top? Did that do it for you?”
Mathew shook his head. “I’ve never worn anything feminine before. In all the years I helped mother run the business, I was never tempted to try on any of the undergarments we sold. It was just suits and ties for me.”
Frankie slid out from next to him. “Let’s just experiment and see what happens.”
Mathew sat on the end of the bed. He was still trying to figure out why cross-dressing was making his body respond like this. He felt like he was on fire.
Frankie chose some of her own lingerie and slowly dressed Mathew. His body responded the same way again. “I don’t know. Your response is pretty amazing for a man who’s been sick for a month. I think we need to celebrate.”
Mathew loved the warmth and the wonderful feeling of being on top of his wife and making her scream out with joy. He loved being able to kiss her and please her at the same time. He tried to look past the clothes and just appreciate how his body was responding. Nothing made sense.
Just a reminder that Being Invisible is now available as a Kindle Book and a Kindle Unlimited book on Amazon
Chapter Seven
“Chemistry.”
“Chemistry?”
“That’s my guess. Oh course, this is pure speculation on my part. But, all my studies are grounded in science. You know, a lot of people believe in magic and the gods. They all hope for miracles. But, if everything you’ve told me is legitimate, I’m not doubting you. Well, I’d need to see lab work. If I had all your workups, I’d want to look at blood from a year ago. Then I’d examine blood drawn four weeks before your mother-in-law dosed you. Oh yeah, that’s some crazy wacko you got there.”
Mathew just listened. Tony was a buddy from college he’d called this morning and shared his story. They’d stayed friends. But, he was a lab rat who loved simplifying the seemingly complicated. Even back then, he’d been applying his framework of logic to explain everything.
“Mathew, everything we are is chemistry. Every reaction, every thought, every behavior is sparked by chemicals inside our brain. I’ll use an example. Viagra opens dormant blood vessels and increases blood flow. That’s chemistry. Your adoration for Frankie is caused by chemical reactions inside your head. And now, that physical reaction when you cross-dressed was just a mix of chemicals pouring through that brain of yours. Obviously, that brain directs your body. It’s one big system.”
Mathew listened. “You know my whole story. What’s going to happen to me?”
Tony chuckled. “Shit, man. I’m not laughing at your situation, just your question. Seriously, how the fuck do I know? We’d have to take everything apart to pinpoint why your body and mind turned into the perfect fuck machine. And let me add, that is not a punishment. Countless erections with a young wife, well, I’m not trying to sound like a perv, but you should be kissing the ground, thanks to the scales tipping in your favor.
“But, back to the chemicals and illness. I’ll use the stressed tree example to explain it. It’s far fetched, but it’s what comes to mind.
“Trees suddenly produce seeds when they’re under stress to keep the species going. A dying tree gets chemical signals to start this process. It’s not a thought process, it’s just basic chemistry. Maybe this is just speculation, but your body is reacting to all the chemicals introduced recently. Covid, pneumonia, the Norplant, and who knows what else that crazy bitch dosed you with for four weeks that caused your dick to come alive! But that’s my guess. Anything I predict is just guessing. But I’m curious. Am I going to recognize you next year? All these chemicals are altering your appearance but are not changing your DNA. You might become more feminine in your outward appearance, and your brain synapses might react differently to stimuli, but your core will still be you.”
Mathew laughed. “Well, I promise to come up to you at the next reunion and ask you to dance. That can be our secret code.”
“But, Matt. That’s no good. So many women ask me to dance. Seriously, how can they turn down a toad like me!”
Mathew laughed. They’d covered all the ground he was interested in exploring, so he changed the subject, and they talked about everything under the sun. Finally, he thanked Tony and decided he needed to sleep for a while. When he woke up, his body was soaked with sweat, and he needed to clean himself up.
Frankie was coming by to check on him and helped him bathe. As she was drying him off, she playfully nipped his neck and then kissed him lovingly. Mathew enjoyed every moment as he fumbled with her clothes until they both stood together in the moist air of their bathroom. He’d never been turned on so much in his life. He moaned as she licked every spot on his body. In the past two days, he’d become one big pulsing raw nerve ending.
As Frankie’s movements became more deliberate and demanding, Mathew could only grab her fiercely and hang on. There was no doubt who was in charge as she lifted him up off the ground, carried him into the bedroom, then tossed him in on the clean sheets.
Mathew moaned as she moved him around. “Frankie, be careful. I don’t want you to hurt yourself picking me up like that.”
Frankie’s purr sounded like a deep growl. “You’ve lit some fires in me I can’t control. I want to dominate you. I love the feeling and being able to take you with me to the stars.”
Mathew stopped thinking. He let each wave of pleasure consume him as he surrendered to her hunger.
An hour later, they lay together, basking in the glow of their sex and love. As their breathing returned to normal, Frankie started them up again.
Mathew loved it. He knew she was using him, but it was all so new for the both of them. Neither had ever known anything like it. For the moment, Mathew just surrendered and stopped worrying about his future. He’d decided that just living in this sexual bliss was all he wanted.
Mathew told Frankie about what he’d heard from Tony. They both agreed that whatever happened was going to take place regardless of what interventions they sought out.
Frankie was still insistent. “I want a second opinion. If Tony is right and your chemistry was changed, well, maybe there’s a way to change it again.”
Mathew sighed. “I’ve never felt so alive. As much as I hate to admit it, this has been the weirdest, most exciting few days I’ve ever had. I’ve never stopped loving you and well, I love what your lips and hands are doing to me. I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but I still believe you need to walk away and find a man who will be a proper husband for you. Our relationship is wonderful and I know you still love me. And I’ve never had this much fun or pleasure. But…”
Frankie cut him off. “Good. You’re being so honest with me and I’ll be honest with you. I love how you’ve let me take control. I love the power I feel from turning you on and I love how you respond. I know you’ve had to set your male ego aside, but we both are enjoying your newfound body part. Other than being drugged and raped, this sex is everything I’ve ever had. I love using you to please my every desire.”
Mathew smiled and started kissing her everywhere. He only wanted to please her. “I’m your sex slave. I love what we’re doing together and just want to hear you moan louder.”
Frankie smiled. “You’re my boy toy. I love owning you. I love the strength you’ve given me. And I want to have some fun with you. And I want to dress you up. Are you willing to give up total control? Are you willing to trust me?”
Mathew kissed her everywhere. “Yes. You are my queen. I trust you.”
EIGHT
An hour later, Mathew lay on the bed next to Frankie. “Well, that didn’t work out as planned, did it?”
Frankie couldn’t help but laugh. “Seriously, I’m not the one with the growing problem. One piece of clothing and boom, it’s got to br break time! And I’m getting sore. You’re wearing me out and exhausting me at the same time! It’s not fair.”
Mathew sat up. He was naked. “I think I need to put on a tee shirt and a pair of boxers. I think it’s all about top much tactile stimulation.”
“Is that your final answer?”
Mathew shook his head. “What’s that mean?”
“You want to put on a tee shirt and boxers. I went out and shopped for this moment. I really wanted to play Barbies. I was all excited to have a pretty boy toy to take out for a spin.”
Mathew laughed. “I’ll put on a collared shirt and khakis. You get something comfortable to wear. We’ll go to your favorite restaurant to eat tonight. I know you love Alfredo’s. I’ll call to get a table.” He kissed his wife and stood up. He was really feeling a lot better. It was like day and night. All that recent cardio with Frankie was getting his blood boiling. He was really feeling good.
Mathew idly wondered if the new chemicals flowing through his blood stream were giving him this energy rush. Or was he just happy to be getting well? He was on fire and he felt like he’d just downed a double espresso. He didn’t know the reason why but had already decided to just let things flow.
All through his career, Mathew knew that worrying contributed to stress. And he’d had enough physical challenges in the past month between Covid and pneumonia already. He felt that wasting time worrying about what Frankie’s mom did was senseless. He hoped that whatever was in his system would eventually flush out. He understood that his body might be changing, but he was still alive.
Tomorrow he’s take Frankie’s advice and call Tony back up and get some names of specialists. He’d also get some blood drawn and ask his doc to forward his records to Tony’s lab. “Frankie, I’m listening to you.Yeah. I’m taking your advice and asking Tony to recommend some specialists who might understand how to counteract the Norplant.”
Frankie kissed him and ran her hand across his chest. She tried not to react to how soft he was becoming. She could even see some development starting, maybe heading towards an A cup. When she’d squeezed him into that back brace of hers, he’d surprised her how his loose flesh filled up the bra. She smiled thinking about that piece of exercise equipment.
She’d bought that back brace to show herself off to Butch. She’d been hoping to catch his eye back when she’d bought it. She’d never felt sexy. She’d always felt awkward in her own body. Too tall, too strong, she’d always felt unattractive. Mathew had been the first guy who professed his love to her. He was the first man to make her feel special.
She never wondered if he had an ulterior motive. She grew to realize that his love for her was pure. She’d never felt cheated when he turned out to be impotent. Mathew found so many different ways to satisfy her that she started to feel special even when she looked in the mirror.
Mathew had insisted that she take up golf and tennis. They joined the country club and she took lessons. He was proud of her. And he was the one who paid for a gym membership and gotten her a trainer. Mathew loved and trusted her.
But things had gotten complicated. She’d developed a crush on her trainer, Butch. He’d made her feel special. He’d complimented her muscles and told her that strength was beautiful. And she could see the evidence that Butch got turned on by her. His workout clothes hid nothing. For ninety minutes every other day, Frankie stared at all his muscles and felt his strong hands on her as he showed her the proper way to accomplish each new exercise.
When she saw the body hugging lifting jacket, she tried it on immediately and was thrilled when she looked in the mirror. It showed of her slender torso and accented her waist. Frankie was happy that lifting hadn’t made her thick bodied like a man. And of course, the jacket was sleeveless accenting her strong arms and shoulders. All her life she knew she that from the back she could have easily been mistaken for a guy. She had an athlete’s body, strong upper body and a tapered frame. Her legs were muscular but trim.
But, she was a woman with the dream of love in her heart. She loved Mathew very much, but after time had passed, things had changed. And when she started working with Butch, the fires of passion had been kindled again. But this was different. Butch was bigger and stronger. All she could think about was being taken in so many different ways.
But, Butch had been set aside. Mathew was making her blood race and her motor purr. Ever since yesterday, she’d felt like a cat in heat. Butch had seriously taken a back seat in her life. She’d stopped going to the gym when Mathew got sick a month ago. She’d stayed by his side crippled with the thought he might never come home. She focused on his welfare and day and night did everything she could to aid his recovery.****
Mathew watched her stare out the window as she brushed her teeth. He wondered if she was daydreaming about her trainer. He sighed. Long ago, he resigned himself to a life of loving and losing. Even after marrying Frankie and thinking their love was going to be different, he was staring to feel that Frankie had already fallen out of love with him. Even though he tried his best, he knew it was only a matter of time before those crushing words were spoken.
In his mind, Mathew pictured how it would all take place. She’s be crying while she told him that their marriage was over. She’d tell him how much he meant to her, but how she was torn and wanted to be with Butch. She was sure that Butch felt the same but would never break up their marriage. And now, he’d been offered a chance to manage a group of gyms and training centers in San Diego. She also knew that she didn’t want to cheat on Mathew. She wanted to tell him first before she left.
He heard all of this in his mind. Mathew realized it wasn’t real, but he felt the need to protect his heart from being crushed. He watched the woman he loved turn and smile at him. As she walked closer, she tossed the hand towel on the sink and reached up and put her arms around him. As she pulled him in closer, she reached down between his legs.
They both stood there realizing that nothing was happening. She kissed him and grinned. “We still have some time before dinner. Let me find you something soft and silky to wear. I bought so many pretty things that you need to try on for me.”
Mathew laughed. “You just told me you were sore.”
Frankie grinned as she held up a lacy chemise. “I’m a quick healer. I have good recovery.”
Mathew shelved the goodby speech he’d been hearing in his head. Maybe all this shit falling down on his head had been a blessing. He tried to wonder if the key to this erotic off and on switch was just a simple piece of clothing. Women’s lingerie seemed to be his personal Viagra. He could take a deep breath when he headed back to work. That would mean he’d be wearing his business suits and not having to worry about unexpected things popping up.
And until he couldn’t hide his changing body from his staff, he could still be his old self. Mathew knew that eventually he’d get to the point where he wouldn’t be able to hide what was happening. But, that was in the future. He’d deal with all of that after he couldn’t keep it a secret.
He pictured himself trying to explain how he was turning into something he wasn’t.
Mathew stared at Frankie as she pulled off his cotton tee. She quickly was on her hands and knees pulling down his boxers waiting to have Mathew step into a pair of boy shorts that matched the lavender chemise she’d stretched out on the bed.
As she pulled up the panties, she laughed. He husband was not going to fit in those beautiful lacy things unless she got his excitement under control. Frankie shook her head. She stared at the object bobbing right in front of her face. She was sure it was larger today than yesterday.
Mathew smiled. “I honestly never thought I’d be standing here watching anything like this. This is not the me you married.”
Frankie was sizing up his excitement. She could feel how big the girth was. “You know, Mathew. I think if I’d had to face this when we first were married, I might have gone running home to mother.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew she’d said the wrong thing.”
Mathew reached down and grabbed her hand. Then he took the other and helped her back up to her feet. “Hey. I know what you mean. Don’t break down worrying about your mom and her terrible ways. Let’s look out past all that and just keep it focused on you and me. I love you and well, if keeping you happy means I’m going to start wearing nightgowns and thongs around the house, so be it.”
Frankie stood there with the tears cascading down her face. “I’m saying this now. My crazy doctor murdering mother is no longer part of our lives.”
Frankie was right. They did have time before dinner. Twice.
A week later, Mathew started to plan his return to work. He talked to his mother at least three times each day. She’d been okay about returning to run the company until his return. She laughed and told him not to get too comfortable living the life of leisure. She liked her new retired life in Florida.
His mom decided to send some material home that Mathew could start to read and examine. She wanted him to take some baby steps to start him gearing up for the stressful return to the job. “I’m sending Cory over this afternoon with some reports and spread sheets that you can drown yourself in.”
Mathew excitedly told Frankie that they’d be having a guest coming by in the afternoon. Frankie had never met Cory but had heard the name mentioned before. She was surprised when she opened the door to find that Cory was a beautiful woman. Medium height, curves, and a terrific face. Frankie was immediately jealous because this woman was ultra feminine and the opposite of her standing there in her tailored dark suit, stockings, and low, patent leather heels.
Her hair was beautifully coiffured, her make-up was perfect, and she couldn’t have been nicer.***
She watched Mathew give her a hug and the two of them sit down and open up a laptop and rapidly get lost in company business. Frankie decided to go for a run. She obviously couldn’t deal with worrying about her husband with another woman. She even wondered if brushing up against her lacy undergarments would get Mathew fired up.
As she jogged, she tried to imagine Mathew having an affair and how she’d deal with it.
And so we wave goodbye to Frankie and Mathew. Their story together comes to an end. Remember until I post again, that there are stories galore on Amazon that I've written that you can browse.
NINE
Four weeks later, Mathew and Frankie had each tried to settle into their old routine. Mathew was back to running their company, and Frankie was back to playing golf and tennis. She spent a lot of time in the gym. They’d been going to their doctors together, so there were no secrets.
The two sat together on the couch facing Ruth Savage, their psychiatrist.
“I’ve had a chance to study your friend’s lab reports. There were some pretty unnerving revelations.”
Mathew looked at both of them. “For me, the samples they pulled from the Norplant were shocking. Frankie’s mom dosed me so drastically it was hard to fathom.”
The doctor nodded. “I’ve never heard of a six-month Norplant before. She must have designed it herself. That’s crazy. My question is whether she inserted anything else inside you.”
Mathew nodded. “Tony said the same thing. I’m scheduled for a full-body MRI this week. But, she’d really loaded up her delivery system on this one.”
Frankie spoke. “Mom wasn’t trying to kill him, just reverse everything in his body.”
“That reminds me. Where is your mom?”
“No one knows. She drained her accounts and sold off her home and office. She was renting them back from the new owners. It was like she was planning to run. I’m sure that I heard her last public confession.”
“And I guess I was her last victim. But Tony said I’ve got twice as much estrogen as I need. I guess I’m just lucky she didn’t castrate me. She had all that time while I was in the ICU.”
“I guess mother knew you were impotent and forgot about it.”
“Speaking of that, how are you making out with your therapy?”
“Good. I’ve got total control of myself. It’s not about women’s clothing anymore. I’m able to control everything successfully. Of course, my whole body continues to spin out of control.”
The doctor nodded. “Are you wearing a bra?”
Mathew nodded. “I have to for support. But it’s a sports bra to lower my profile.”
“Are you still trying to pass as a man?”
“No. I’ve just tried to have an androgynous look. Ultimately, I’m going to have to become a woman full-time.”
“Frankie, how do you feel about that?”
“Well, Mathew knows how I feel, and we both know there’s nothing we can do to change the course. The fact that he will be receiving huge doses of estrogen for six more months takes it out of our control.”
“You didn’t answer me, Frankie. You are upset about your husband becoming a woman.”
“It’s irrational. I know. But, well, it’s not been easy, and I don’t want to make him feel any worse because of me.”
Mathew nodded. “But, the truth is that Frankie was not in love with me before I got sick. She loved me but had fallen in love with her trainer at the gym.”
Frankie was crying hard. “I am so wrong. I am bad. But, well, Mathew had taken me so far in accepting myself and my sexuality. And just about the time I was hungering for Butch, well, I wanted to have a talk with my husband, hoping we were going to be able to work something out. But, then, he got so sick."
Mathew reached over and held her. He was stroking her back and trying to soothe her.
The doctor watched the two of them. “Well, we will need to set aside some time to discuss all this. But, it’s obvious that Mathew is still in love with you, and sadly enough, you aren’t with him.”
Frankie was sobbing. “I should be dead. I’m not worthy of his love.”
The doctor sighed. “Well, maybe you aren’t worthy. It takes a lot of dedication to stick out a marriage. And not to sound too harsh, quitting is not a good trait to start doing. Sometimes you just have to stick things out.”
Mathew shook his head. “You’ve both got it wrong. Frankie is wonderful and doesn’t have an evil bone in her body. And I don’t think she should stick out going down with my ship. For all we know, her mother might have implanted a time bomb inside me that hasn’t gone off. Regardless, I think she deserves a separation. I think we need to live apart, and she really needs to spread her wings.”
They both looked at Mathew, who was crying. “I think Frankie needs to keep the house, and I will find a new place to live. I think she needs to consummate anything she desires with Butch without feeling guilty. I’d say we separate for six months and then meet together here in this office.”
Frankie was horrified. “Don’t you love me? Do you hate me?”
Mathew looked her directly in the eyes. “No. I still have a lot of love in my heart for us, but I refuse to be the husband that is cuckolded. I have my pride even though I’m going through a lot of personal pain. But, I’ve gotten used to my relationships crashing and burning. And I’m not going to be an anchor around your neck.”
Mathew stood up and shook the doctor’s hand. “I’ll be in touch. You still have my phone number in your file.”
Then, he turned to Frankie. He smiled and kissed her on the forehead. He squeezed her shoulders. “It’s for the better. Now, you have no guilt. You are free to do whatever you please. Just promise me you will continue to see the doctor each week. You need someone you can confide in.”
And with that, Mathew turned and walked out of the room.
Frankie sat and cried. Finally, she calmed enough to look across at the doctor sitting in her chair. “What am I supposed to do? Where do I start?”
The doctor smiled. “You continue to do what you do every day. You sleep in your bed, eat the same meals, and follow your regular routine. And when the time is right, you ask Butch if he’d like to have dinner with you. At dinner, you can explain that you and your husband have separated because you discovered you were going in different directions.”
Frankie nodded. She realized that she hadn’t been alone in a long time.
“And you learn to listen. You should have a complete conversation with your trainer. Men like to talk about themselves. Learn about this man, not the fantasy that you have nurtured. I will tell you that the image you have imagined in your mind, well, no one could ever live up to those expectations. So, don’t exclude him because he is not perfect.”
Frankie nodded. “This is not what I expected. I thought he’d be so happy to know we’d separated; he’d sweep me off my feet.”
The doctor laughed. “He’ll gladly take you to bed. But, if that’s all you want, that’s all you’ll get. If you want a relationship, you will have to work at it. Mathew spoiled you. He waited on you hand and foot. He did everything for you. He loved you so much that he never questioned your intentions.
“But, now that you’ve spoken those words out loud, you can’t take them back. Forsaking his love for a walk on the wild side is exactly that. You’ve deserted him for another man. No man is going to let you do that and still love you. He’s going to work hard to forget you.”
Frankie sobbed.
Mathew walked out of the office and headed across the street to a bar. He needed a drink or two to settle his nerves. He had to wait in the doorway until his eyes grew accustomed to the dim light. He climbed up on a stool, and a very attractive woman came over and asked him what he wanted to drink.
Mathew stopped to think. It had been long since he’d had a drink in the afternoon. He also realized he wanted something straight from the bottle so nobody would spike his drink. “Beer, please. Do you have Guinness in a bottle”
The woman nodded, pulled out an unopened bottle, and asked whether he wanted a glass. He shook his head and took a long pull on the bottle. It was cold and refreshing.
It didn’t take him long to finish the bottle, and the bartender put another one in front of him. “Compliments of the gentleman at the end of the bar.”
Mathew turned to smile and realized that the man thought he was buying a drink for a single woman. He thought about it. He wore a button-down dress shirt, a pair of skinny jeans, and running shoes. His hair reached his shoulders, and recently he’d been taking Frankie’s advice in maintaining it. He’d even gone to her salon and had it trimmed.
Mathew’s biggest problem was his changing body. Even in a white sports bra, there was no secret that his bust was evident. He’d never been muscular, but everything on his body had changed since he spent four weeks in intensive car. He’d lost a lot of weight and what he gained back was on his butt and hips.
He suddenly wanted to get out of there. He felt a little frightened that he was defenseless. Before he could move, the man appeared out of the shadows. He was dressed well and appeared normal. He asked Mathew if this seat was taken.
Mathew’s voice was a tenor, never a baritone. Because of his early impotence, his Adam’s apple was slight. But, he wanted to clear the air.
As the man sat down, Mathew took a deep breath. “Thank you for the drink. But, you ought to know right now that I’m male. I don’t want to fool you.”
The man smiled. “I think that makes you more interesting. My name is Vince, and I just finished completing a big sale. Since I live in California, I wanted to wind down and have a drink to celebrate before I head back to my hotel room to order from room service.”
“I’m Mathew. Congratulations on the sale. I’m in sales, too. I know how much pressure you are dealing with and how you must feel right now.
“What do you sell, Matty?”
Mathew blushed. “I own a woman’s lingerie company. We manufacture and sell high-end products to boutiques and department stores.”
Vince smiled. He leaned in closer. “When did you start transitioning? And I have to admit, you are lovely.”
Mathew laughed. “That’s a two-hour story. But, thank you for the compliment.”
Vince nodded. “Well, my day is done, and I would love to take you to dinner. Maybe you’d share part one of your story with me.”
“Well, let me call my office first and see what’s been happening there today.”
Mathew excused himself and sat down at the other end of the bar. He dialed his office and asked to speak to Cory. When she came on the phone, he was starting to feel a lot of emotion inside him.
“Hi, Mathew. How are you doing? How was your doctor’s appointment?”
“Not so good. Frankie and I separated today. She can’t get her trainer out of her mind, and well, I just didn’t feel like fighting.”
“Jeez, honey. That’s horrible. I’m sorry to hear that. Was it over your transitioning?”
Mathew laughed. “Well, I’m sure that didn’t help. I can’t compete with a bulked-up trainer who sees her three times a week. And all the time she’s working out, she has endorphins pumping through her body. It’s really the end of the road for us.”
Cory suddenly burst out. “Mathew, come stay with me tonight. Please?”
“Why? Cory, we work together. I think that’s maybe too much.”
“No, Mathew. I’ve got a guest room, and my bedroom has a lock on the door. But, maybe I can help you. After all, I went through what you’re experiencing a while back.”
Mathew suddenly remembered that Cory was a trans woman. “Gee, I forgot you are trans.”
“Mathew, I present myself as a woman. I’ve worked hard to be that person. But, I have more experience than most people over what you’re going through now.”
“Okay. How about if I come to your place after dinner?"
"Why wait? We can get dinner together.”
“Well, this guy I just met wants to buy me dinner. He seems like a nice guy.”
“No, Mathew. You are not ready to fend off some guy who thinks he can get into your pants for the price of dinner. Thank him and tell him you have to get back to work. And don’t give him your number or address. Just go.”
Mathew came back over and smiled. “Vince, that was a nice offer, but I must get back to work. I’m sorry. I was looking forward to telling you my tale of woe.”
When Vince stood up and hugged him, Mathew felt himself freeze and stiffen up. He’d never hugged a man like that, and he could feel the guy’s member pushing against his belly. He realized that he was so far out of his league and wanted to run to catch a cab.
He was stuck in cross-town traffic and exchanged texts with Cory. She was already home and said she was stepping in the shower. She’d have an adult beverage ready for him when he arrived.
When he saw a text come in from Frankie, he erased her account before he could read it. He decided that no matter what she said, it would upset him. He’d never wanted to be second and knew it was time to remember all the good things they did together. He wanted to end it on a good note.
When he arrived at Cory’s place, he stopped at a florist and bought a lovely bouquet of flowers to present to her.
Cory was wearing a pair of sweats and looked comfy. “Aw, Mathew. That’s so sweet of you. Now c’mon in and put your feel up. We’ll drink the evening away and order delivery when we get hungry. I’ve gotten out some toiletries and some comfy stuff for you to slip on after you get a shower. There’s going to be no judging and no sorrow.”
Cory wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the lips. “If you behave, you can choose the movie or decide what we will eat.”
A month later, Mathew arranged to come by their house and pick up some of his stuff. He instructed Frankie to donate anything he’d left behind.
She was waiting for him to pick up his stuff when he entered the house. She stood there looking him straight in his eyes. “I’m so sorry I fucked up our lives together. You should know that you never failed me and spoiled me with everything I could ever need. And I was shocked when the lawyers contacted me with a checking and savings account. You are more than generous.”
Mathew nodded. “And when the divorce is finalized in a few months, you will receive millions from the business. We weren’t married long enough for you to receive half of everything, but I’m giving it to you anyway.”
Frankie rubbed her eyes. “I feel like shit over what I did.”
Mathew wanted to hug her and told himself not to. He didn’t want to lose the ground he’d gained since they’d separated. Instead, he drove a knife through his own heart. “How is Butch?”
Frankie shook her head. “It never happened. Nothing, nada. When I told him we were separated, he looked sad. He told me that he’d just finished a round of marriage counseling with his husband, and they were trying to work out their differences. My dream prince turns out to be gay!”
Mathew didn’t want to laugh but secretly took delight in Frankie’s heartbreak. He knew she’d built up this wonderful romance that she’d have with Butch, enough that she’d fallen out of love with him. He did not feel any sadness for her. She wasn’t his to comfort anymore. “Are you still seeing the doctor?”
“Uh-huh. I meet with her three times a week. She’s been helping me trying to find myself and learning to be independent. I wish I could lean on you, but that wouldn’t work.”
Mathew shook his head. “It will only take me a short time to clean out the stuff I want.”
Frankie nodded. She knew that she’d ruined two lives with her shortsighted selfishness. But that was all over. “You look very nice. It’s fun to see you looking pretty. I like the highlights in your hair. They look nice with that outfit and those earrings.”
Mathew blushed. He knew that without Cory, he’d have continued to hide behind what he wasn’t anymore. She’d helped him to spread his wings and enjoy his newfound strength in being female.
“Thank you. And, really, good luck. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
“Well, I have a lot of growing up to do. And I don’t think I’ll ever find a man to take your place. But you can’t be Mathew anymore, can you? What’s your name now?”
“Matty. Keeping it simple.”
fini
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Lowell has an opportunity he can't pass up—a chance to take a vacation from himself.... A vacation as HERSELF.
Long ago, back in July, I started uploading a new story, Vacation, to BigClosetR.us. After lots of fine constructive criticism from the readers, I finished a 13,000-word novella for you.
I enjoyed working with the fine readers here at bigcloset.us and was determined to complete a novel based on the story. I dug myself in and created a 46,000-word story that we called Lowell's Vacation. (Our editor, Tom Peashey, suggested that Vacation was too overused as a title)
I can happily say that it's now for sale on Amazon for your reading pleasure. Thanks, Leslie
Thank you to all the readers and future readers who are peeking in on Metamorphosis - A Jessica Jade Story. I appreciate all the comments and messages you are sending me as I post two chapters a week.
I appreciate Erin making BigCloset a writer's showcase to present new works. It's giving me an opportunity to hear great feedback and wonderful constructive criticism from many talented writers and fans.
I've already learned so much that will get included in my rewrite before it heads to Amazon as a novel. I appreciate everyone who has taken part in this effort. It took me almost a year of writing to present it here. It went through numerous renditions and variants to get it ready for BigCloset.
My first experiment was Wildcats, which ran on BigCloset last year as a chapter book. After I spent three months rewriting it for Erin and Doppler Press, they started publishing Book One in January 2018.
My second novelette posted here was Nanites. I'm in the process of a rewriting and it's going to appear soon as a novel on Amazon. Without Doppler and BigCloset, this ark full of animals wouldn't float.
A Staycation Contest Entry
Max Williams smiled when he saw it was his mom calling. It was always great to talk to her. Since she remarried, she’d never been happier.
“Hey, mom. What’s up?”
“Hi, sweetie. How are you doing?”
“I’m great. When are you coming up to visit again?”
“Honey, Henry and I are passing thru in the night. We’re headed up to New York City for the Spring and then we’re flying over to Greece for a cruise. I was hoping you’d do me a favor.”
“Sure. Just say the word.”
“Would you come to watch the house, babysit the cats, and water my plants? Of course, you can use our credit cards, too. I figure since we’re getting a vacation you can have an all expenses paid ‘staycation’ at our new place.”
While it wasn’t the home he’d grown up in, it was in the same town where he’d gone to the local public high school. Back then, Max and his mom lived in an apartment complex. When she got married, she moved in with Henry.
“Sure. Sounds like fun. Do you have a room for me or will I crash on the couch?”
He heard his mom laugh. “No, silly. You have your own suite above Henry’s garage. I just finished decorating it for you. Just for you, sweetie.”
“Thanks, mom. I owe you so much already. Someday, I’m going to pay you back for all of this.”
“Max.”
“Yes, mom.”
“Please don’t be mad, but I went and bought you some outfits. You know, just leisure wear. I think they call it active wear and I bought you some bathing suits, too. I got a bunch of sizes. I had to guess.”
“Mom.”
“No, Max You’re getting new ID coming in the mail, and you need to start living life as your real self instead of postponing it.”
“Mom, I want it so bad, but you know how frightened I am.”
"What does Dr. Mitchell say about it?"
"She says I need to grow some balls and act like a woman."
“She's right, but I understand, Max. I’m not pushing you. You can be a woman for a month down here in Naples. It will be like practice.”
“I hear you.”
“Well, it’s what I want for you. It’s not like we haven’t been dancing around this since you were five.”
Max had tears in his eyes. He was speechless. “I love you, mom.”
“I love you, too. Max. Now just say okay and let me have my way.”
“Thanks, mom.”
“I’ll miss you, honey. But promise me something.”
“Of course, mom.”
“Send me a pic of you in the orange bikini.”
“Mom.”
“Bye, Maxie”
Of course, Max said yes. In his mind, the timing was perfect. He’d just wrapped up his freshman year at the University of Florida, Gainesville and had gotten a notice that his dorm suite needed to be vacated by the end of the month. He had planned to find a job so he could afford his own place, but saving a month’s rent while living his at mom and stepdad’s place would be great, too.
His mom had met Henry when Max was in high school. They’d dated for a while before they married. Max liked Henry.
Henry was wealthy. Just about the time Max was headed out to start college, his mom gave up their apartment and moved into Henry’s amazing house on a golf course in a gated community. The ten thousand square foot house sat on five acres.
Henry offered to adopt Max when he married Anne. Henry didn’t have any children and liked the idea of having a son. Max didn’t have the heart to tell him that he wouldn’t be a son for much longer.
Money wasn’t Max’s priority. His goal was to be happy. When he graduated high school, Max knew exactly what he wanted.
Before Max started college, he and his mom slipped away and went to Chicago. They had arranged for him to have facial reconstruction surgery which his mom paid for. She was by his side the whole time.
Max had shared his gender dysphoria when he was five years old. Anne had been his biggest supporter ever since.
He was majoring in the sciences at Gainesville. He wanted to go to medical school and eventually become a psychiatrist. That was his dream. He was familiar with the career since he’d been seeing one doctor after another since he was seven. Max saw lots of doctors and liked them all.
So Max packed his apartment up and loaded it in his old Honda. He talked with his mom daily. They were both sorry they were going to miss him and promised to catch up when they returned.
His mom was always full of enthusiasm. “You know, you could fly over to Europe this summer and meet us somewhere. Would you like that?”
“Sure, mom. Let’s talk about that when you finish up with the cruise.”
“Your step-father wants to see Spain. How’s that sound to you?”
“Sounds great!” Max laughed. “But, I won’t be able to apply for a passport until all the paperwork is in my hands. Max was looking forward to having the F for female on his identification.”
“Oh, I’d forgotten about that. Okay. Well, it might work out. If not, maybe we’ll do Europe together next summer.”
Max drove down to Naples and showed his pass at the gate. The guard checked his name off on the clipboard. “Good afternoon, Max. I have an envelope for you in the office. Would you mind pulling over up there under the shade trees?”
Max sat in the Honda waiting. The music playing softly on the stereo and the air conditioner was humming. He was a bit overheated wearing a shirt and tie. The guard was his last stop before his staycation began.
“Here you are, Max. Welcome to The Ridge. Your mom said she enclosed keys and all the info about the pets and plants. Have a good month.”
Max handed the man a ten dollar bill and thanked him. He put the car in gear and drove the familiar route to his mom's new home. He shook the garage door activator out of the envelope and used it to go straight up into the garage shutting the door behind him. He noted that Henry had continued to expand his collection and had added lifts to three of the bays enabling him to fit twice as many autos as before. Henry collected muscle cars from the 60’s and early 70’s.
Max grabbed his bags from the trunk and used the keys to open the door. As he walked through the house, he noted some things had changed.
He wasn’t really surprised that his mother had the room redone for him. She couldn’t resist. She did leave him with neutral color walls, but some of the touches were more feminine than he expected. But, mom had been in on everything he’d been going through since day one. Max assumed she wanted him to have a woman’s room to live in.
But, they’d both agreed to break it to his Henry gently. Max wondered whether he’d want to adopt a trans-daughter. Well, only time would tell.
Max stripped off his clothes and hung them up. He hoped he didn’t need the dress shirt, blazer, and khakis during his month here. Actually, he hoped he’d never need them again.
School had been great but living with three other guys as his suitemates made his comings and goings difficult to hide his changing body. He became a master at camouflage.
All that would change when he came back in August. Hopefully, he’d have his own place and could evolve into the woman he had wanted to be all his life at his own pace.
In the fall, he’d be breaking the news about his transition to everyone he knew. He was extremely anxious about that.
Max unpacked his clothes and then started looking over the stuff his mom had bought for him. When he picked up the orange bathing suit, his blood started pumping. It was perfect. It was fairly demure and modest. While it showed a lot of flesh, he really liked the cut and the material. He looked at himself in the mirror as he released his hair tie. He shook out his thick, shoulder-length wavy brown hair he walked in circles in front of the mirror. He vamped a little.
He felt a surge of happiness flow through his body. He’d made so much progress since turning eighteen. His doctor said taking a weekly hormone shot was much more effective than pills. Max had one year on HRT, and he couldn’t stop grinning at himself.
He slipped on a pair of new cork slides with two-inch heels and grabbed a towel and sunblock from his bathroom. As he went out, he grabbed two bottled waters and a piece of fruit. He threw his towel on the recliner and dove into the water.
He swam ten laps before he rested on the side. He checked his pulse and was pleased to see that the exercise hadn’t stressed his system. He did another ten laps and got out. He went over and applied sunblock to his legs and feet. Then he started on his arms. Rather than try to do his body around his bathing suit top, he undid the laces and removed it revealing his nicely shaped AA-cup breasts.
Max was looking forward to a month of leaving them unbound and unfettered. No Ace bandages, no coverups, no hiding himself anymore. This was a real staycation. He could be his real self for a month. Max saw it as the start of his new life. When he returned to school, he’d have a new ID, and all his record requests would have been processed saying he was now female.
This was going to be the best staycation ever.
He was laying back on the lounger applying lotion to his breasts. Max closed his eyes. It felt so good to be toying with his breasts outside with no one around. It was a delicious feeling as that warm surge beginning to build inside his body.
Suddenly the sound of the back gate slamming shut woke him out of his reverie. Somebody was in their pool area beside him. He felt panic until he heard a very familiar voice.
“Hey, Max. Your mom told me you were coming home this afternoon and I thought I’d surprise you.”
Robert was walking the length of the pool apron and really hadn’t seen Max up close yet. Thank goodness for an Olympic sized pool, he thought as he hurriedly slipped his top on and tried to figure out what to do.
He hadn’t thought to bring out a cover-up, but the towel might hide his two-piece. He grabbed it up and tucked it under his arms. The oversized bath towel draped his body and covered his bright orange bikini bottoms.
“Hey, Robby. What a surprise. How you doing?
Robert was still not looking at Max but dragging a lounge chair over. Then he turned, taking off his shirt and pants. He was wearing a baggy set of trunks. “Good, man, doing real good. I’m in town for a month and thought we could do some stuff together. I have to report back to training camp and preseason practice in August. The coach said I’m going to start varsity as a defensive back this season, cool huh?
Max was spellbound and entirely forgot everything. While he had talked to Robby at least once a week, he hadn't seen him in a year. His best friend from high school appeared to have doubled in mass, and it was all muscle. Robby was always buff in high school, but one year at college and he'd become a grown man. Robert was beautiful. He looked like a Greek statue.
At this point, Robby was close enough to see Max up close. He glanced up, looked carefully, then kept staring. “Uh, Max. You really look different. What’s up, dude?
Max sat up and dropped the towel. With his shoulder length hair and his orange bikini, there was no hiding what was happening. He sighed. “Robby, I’m transitioning. I’m finally going to a woman.”
Robby looked closely. “Oh, wow. Amazing. But, how come you never said anything to me? We talk all the time. I thought we were good friends.”
Max shook his head and had to push his hair out of his face. The touch of makeup he wore made him self-conscious as his hair stuck to his lip gloss. “Uh, I didn’t know where to start. It’s been in the works for years but, well, I didn’t know what to say. I guess I’m a coward.”
Robby sat down on the lounger right next to him. “Your face looks really nice. You’re very pretty. You really look amazing, beautiful.”
Max blushed. “Really? I had some work done last summer after graduation. They call it facial feminization surgery. You want the whole story?”
Robby nodded and shrugged his shoulders. Looking straight into Max’s eyes, he spoke softly. “I got nowhere to go, Max.”
Max began. “Last summer, my mom and I flew to Chicago, and I had facial surgery before I started my freshman year.
“I recovered in Chicago for a month before traveling back to Florida for school.
Robby nodded. “How long have you been planning all this? When did you know you were trans?”
Max was surprised that his friend was taking this so calmly, “I’d been under the care of a psychiatrist and an endocrinologist since I was twelve. Mom and I talked over and over about this since I was five years old and diagnosed with gender dysphoria. Mom’s solution was to find me the right doctors and put her trust in them. Even though we lived from paycheck to paycheck, she made my happiness her priority.”
“So I was started on anti-androgens before my body started producing testosterone.”
Robby nodded. “You were always a little different, but I mean, you never looked different or acted girly. How come?”
“I was scared of being thought of different as everyone else. I’ve been hiding my true self all my life. I didn’t want to make waves. I know I should have just bit the bullet and come out, but I’m a coward. I still haven’t even told my step-dad, Henry.
“I think mom is telling him the whole story while they’re away on their cruise. I was closeted at school this year. My stuff still says male all over it.”
Robby smiled. “So today's your coming out party, and I’m the first to know. This is cool.”
Max looked at Robby strangely. “Why are you so elated?”
Robby stood up and started pacing. “Max, you don’t know how this makes me feel. This is so great!”
‘Huh?”
Robby sat back down and moved over, so their hips touched on the lounger. “Max. I don’t know how to say this.” He took a deep breath and put his hand on Max’s leg. “I’ve had the biggest crush on you all through high school, and I was afraid to say anything. I was afraid you’d reject me, and I didn’t want to mess up our friendship. I didn’t want to push myself on you!”
Robby stood there smiling. “It all works out. It all makes sense now. I can tell you I love you and do this.”
Robby leaned over the chaise and kissed Max on the lips. He looked his best friend in the eyes.
“Congratulations, Max. Welcome home.”
Story by Leslie Moore, edited by Dee Sylvan, formatting by Dawn Natelle
Nanites
Chapter Seven
Story by Leslie Moore, edited by Dee Sylvan, formatting by Dawn Natelle
COMING SOON TO AMAZON AS A NEW NOVEL TITLED "COPY. CURED."
by Leslie Moore
by Leslie Moore
Chapter One
I was working in my office when Matt called. I smiled thinking about our morning as I said hello.
He didn’t sound good when he greeted me. He came right to the point. “Hey, babe. Bad news. I’m broke again.” His voice sounded pained.
I frowned. Mathew was a challenge, but he was my challenge. I tried to stay calm. He needed to hear calm. “Tell me.”
“Well. Man, this sucks.” He paused and I could hear him getting control. “I got a call from the bank this morning and went over. I talked to John. You’ve met him. He oversees the family accounts. He told me I’m way overdrawn and that mother refused to balance me up.”
“Uh-huh. Did you talk to your mother?”
“I called and her secretary told me she’d see me today for a late lunch. I have to go. Will you come with me?”
I cursed to myself. Lunch with Matt’s mom meant a whole afternoon lost. But the end, I’d have indigestion and have to work late into the night to get a project ready for my customer. I sighed inwardly. “Sure. I’ll have to come home and change. I don’t want to wear jeans.”
“Great! I’m going to get a shower now. The good news is I’ve been working this morning.”
“Good. I can’t wait to see what you’re working on.”
“It’s just another portrait of you.”
“You are too sweet. Well, I’ll stop in the studio before I come upstairs.”
“Do that. Should I wait to shower with you?”
“No. Go ahead. It’ll take me an hour to clean up and then I want to walk home. It’s too nice a day.”
“Okay. See you in a while. Of course, she's sending the car for us around two.”
It took me about sixty minutes to rough in the layout for the ad. After I worked on it tonight, I’d see that it got out tomorrow. I want to keep my customer happy.
When I was done, I capped all the inks and cleaned the pens. I let the dog out and made sure her water bowl was full. I locked up and walked the six blocks to Matt’s condo. I pressed the elevator button for the third floor so I could stop off at his studio.
In the middle of the big room near a wall of northern exposure windows sat his large easel. He was half done the portrait. Mathew had become obsessed with my face and I didn’t want to deny him that pleasure. After all, it had been a year since he’d paid for my surgery and we both knew that I wouldn’t be half as pretty without the work.
Others liked his work too. This year, he’d sold twelve pieces. Three were portraits he’d painted of me. He painted whatever interested him. The gallery in Manhattan that represented him always wanted anything he did. All his work was selling and for good money, too.
I stood and studied the painting for a few minutes. I remembered when he’d set up the appointments and paid for my operation in advance. He chose the most expensive team to do the work. My old face was hidden deep in that portrait. But, a lot had changed.
My Adam’s apple was gone. My jawline was reduced and completely reshaped. Naturally, the brow lift changed my forehead and eyes. And my nose looked more like my sister’s now. I loved my new cheekbones, too. Between my weight loss, the estrogen, and the surgery no-one would ever guess that I had been born male. Mathew had insisted on perfection and I loved looking perfect for him.
I sighed. Who would have ever thought I would be so lucky in love? We’d met in a bar eighteen months ago. He was so drunk he needed to be carried out before the bouncers called the police. Matt was an angry drunk and that night was a bad one. He was about to get in a fight with the manager. I stepped in-between them. I didn’t know him but I sensed a good person under the alcoholic haze that was controlling his mood.
I persuaded the staff to help me get him into a taxi. I took my rescue home with me that night. I made sure he was still breathing when I left him on my couch and brought the dog in my bedroom. Then I carefully locked my bedroom door. In the morning, he was still out when I got up to make my breakfast and brew my tea.
I heard a sorrowful voice call out to me. “Miss, do you have any coffee?”
“I do. How do you like it?”
“Black with two sugars, thanks.”
He was back to sleep by the time it finished brewing. I left the coffee in the French press with the sugar packets by the side of the cup. I wrote a note saying my workspace was on the ground floor and to stop and say goodbye as he was leaving.
When he knocked on my door jam to get my attention, he looked like the typical drunk trying to clear his head.
“Thank you. The coffee was good. I appreciate you keeping me out of jail last night. The sober part of my brain knew I was behaving poorly, but the drunk part was winning.”
I smiled. I always felt sorry for homeless cats and dogs. He was pretty sorrowful looking. “Do you need a couple bucks for the bus?”
“Oh, yeah. No. I’ve got a ride home. I meant to ask you. Where am I?”
“You’re in Brooklyn. You were in Uncle Sally’s Bar last night.”
“Yeah, Right. I knew where I was. But, why were you there?”
“I’m trans. It’s a safe place to drink with friends.”
He looked me over for a long minute. Then he held out his hand. “I’m Mathew.”
I shook his hand. His grip was surprisingly steady for a drunk. “Caroline.”
“Well, Caroline. Thank you for the rescue and the use of your couch. I will find a way to show my appreciation. Do you have a business card with your address?”
I handed him my card and watched as he studied it.
He smiled and left. He stood outside for a while. When I looked up the next time he was gone.
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by Leslie Moore
Chapter Two
Two days after I extricated him from a fight at Uncle Sally’s Bar, Matt was standing in my doorway.
He had showered and dressed nicely. He had a grin on his face and a small package in his hand. The robin’s egg blue (Pantone 1837) gift wrap paper and the silver ribbon (Pantone 1077) was a dead giveaway to its origins.
I was sitting at my drafting board working on a presentation for a potential client. I’m a graphic artist, a one-woman company.
This was my first chance to examine who I’d rescued. He was six feet tall, attractive face, and with a well-developed body. His hair was a bit shaggy.
He stepped forward and carefully set the Tiffany’ package on my drafting board. “Hi, Caroline. Remember me from the other night? I’m Matt.” He grinned.
He had a perfect smile that would melt any girl’s heart. And those dimples sealed the deal. I couldn’t help but smile back.
I’m old-fashioned. I can use my computer but I find comfort in pens and inks. I was making a storyboard for my presentation. I was sitting there coloring and listening to music. It’s a tough life.
I went back to school to learn to use the serious computer drawing tools. I’ve mastered enough to get by but envy the kids today who can handle technology so skillfully.
I hope to hire a talented young art school graduate next. Then I could take on more work, expand my business, and make more money. Now, I’m limited to what I produce.
Mathew stood there looking over my office.
My storefront is twenty feet deep and fifteen feet wide. I work right up front and have comfy couches and chairs in a living room setting behind my workspace. My studio looks like a living room. Behind my conference area is a spacious kitchen and a powder room. Out back I have a nice garden and patio. Upstairs I have a sitting room, a bedroom, and a bath.
Most people are put off by my right-brained style. They assume graphic design means a minimalist cutting edge lifestyle. Everyone thinks all graphic designers are in love with Bauhaus and Charlie Eames. They expect to see chrome, glass, and black granite. People expect me to look like a Euro-trash hipster with piercings, tats, and an asymmetrical hairstyle. That’s not me but it’s a great way to cut to the chase. You either like me and my style or you don’t.
Mathew touched the two Bougainvillea trellising up the walls in my storefront window. He glanced at the gold leaf lettering (Kozuka Gothic Pro) advertising my business. 8th Avenue Graphic Designs. He walked over to my grandmother’s pine corner cupboard filled with jars and clay pots of my art supplies.
My storage units were painted Shaker reproductions. My music came from an authentic 1971 mid-century modern RCA stereo console. He smiled when he saw the dog bed and looked at me curiously.
I didn’t have to look in the doorway to the kitchen. I knew my fur face stood there in the shadows watching him. Mabel was waiting for my signal.
I turned and said, ‘bene’. She came forward to sniff. An Italian Spinone is like a German Wirehair Pointer only much more fun. Matt reached down and rubbed her head. She looked up at me and I nodded.
Mathew laughed when she leaned into him encouraging his scratching. He was smart enough not to stop. He looked up. “What’s her name?”
“Mabel.”
He dropped to his knees and used both hands to rub her face. He started to coo and say her name. She shook her rump and wagged her tail. No one can resist a Spinone face. My brown and white baby is gorgeous.
But, I’ve heard her growl and seen her ready to attack, too. She’s a whole different dog when the hair raises on her back and she shows her teeth. She has a great throaty growl and a nice deep bark. I knew if someone strange walked in off the street, it would only take one word from me, ‘merda’, to prove her bite was worse than her bark.
He was still scratching Mabel when he said, “I came by to thank you for the good night’s sleep. I figured you saved me from a night in the drunk tank and having to make bail the next morning. I appreciate your assistance.”
I sat there watching him scratch Mabel and shrugged. “I like helping people.”
“Well, I feel like I owe you. I wanted to take you to lunch.”
“You are too kind. A gift and lunch?”
“Yes. I wanted to show you something.”
I stared and waited to hear what he was going to say.
There was that smile again. “It’s a surprise. I have a car outside.”
I thought about it. And then an idea came to mind. It was my turn to smile. “Only if we can take Mabel.”
He thought for a minute and grinned. Those dimples showed up again. “Of course. Is she going to be our chaperone?”
I stood up and started to clean off my desk. Mabel was at my side the whole time. A minute later, I grabbed my pocketbook then picked up her collar and leash. “Ready.” I smiled.
There was a huge limo out front complete with a driver. He graciously opened the door for Mabel and me. He smiled warmly as the three of us climbed in. I learned later it was a Maybach.
Mathew was grinning. “It’s mothers. She never uses it and she’d die to know we were taking Mabel to lunch.”
We crossed over the river and into Manhattan. We pulled up in front of Tavern on the Green. The three of us had lunch outside under an umbrella at a table for two. They brought a pan of water for the dog and I had a crab cake and a glass of white wine.
After Matt signed the check, we walked two blocks up Central Park West to a gallery on 67th Street. Inside, a beautiful woman greeted us.
“Oh, Mr. Statler, it’s good to see you. We’ve sold another piece.” She had an English accent. She was model beautiful and dressed like she was going straight to a cocktail party in her little black dress and three-inch stilettos.
“Which one?” Matt looked excited.
“The Loeb Boathouse. The big one.” She was all eyes for Matt.
Matt smiled. “Lisa, this is my new friend Caroline and this is Mabel.”
Lisa smiled at me. “I love Spinones.”
Matt took my hand and led me back to a painting. It was a very large landscape of Central Park. The card had a red sticker on it. “This one just sold.”
I looked carefully and saw the artist was Mathew Statler. I turned and looked at Matt. He nodded. Then I looked around the gallery. All the paintings were his.
He whispered in my ear. “You saw me at my worst. I wanted to show you the better side of me.”
We spent an hour walking around the gallery studying his portraits and landscapes. He had a gift. His work was amazing. Most of the paintings had red stickers on them.
“How long did it take you to paint all of these?”
Matt thought for a minute. “I do one show a year here. So this is pretty much the last twelve months of my life.”
I smiled.
by Leslie Moore
Chapter Three
As we walked along through the park with Mabel, we both enjoyed the warmth from the afternoon sky.
Matt turned to me with a smile. “So what did you think?”
I smiled back. “I think that Lisa is hot for you. I think your paintings are beautiful. I’m impressed with your talent and I wonder what it’s like to stand there and look at all you’ve accomplished in a year’s time.”
Matt didn’t say anything. I assumed he was digesting the large lump I’d just handed him. “Okay. Thanks for the compliment.”
We watched Mabel as we headed through the park and away from the street and traffic. I slipped her off her lead and she stopped. She turned to me and I nodded.
As soon as I nodded she moved about thirty feet away and started putting her nose to the ground and trotting. We watched her for a few minutes without talking.
“Would you go out with me on a date?” He glanced at me when he asked.
I looked at him and shook my head. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Why?”
“Well, first because I’m trans and well, it’s just not right to tease someone into thinking I can perform what they want.”
“How do you know what I want?”
“I don’t. But, if we remain friends then we don’t have to find out. And there’s more.”
He smiled. “Oh?”
“If we went out, I think I’d feel the need to either reform you or defend you.”
He smiled. “Well, that sounds like a maybe.”
I looked at him. “I’ve seen you twice. Once where you were a falling down mean drunk ready to get into a fight with anyone. And the second time today when you are a delight.”
He nodded. “I’ve wondered why’d you bring me home that night?”
“Well, I didn’t know what to do with you after I got you into a cab. I didn’t think you were able to take care of yourself so I brought you home.”
“Were you afraid of me then?”
“Yes, I was. But Mabel was right there the whole time. Normally, she sleeps downstairs in the kitchen. That night, she was in bed with me. All I would have to do was call her.”
He nodded. “Yep. What do you say when you’re in trouble?”
“Merda”
He nodded.
“It means shit in Italian.” I whistled to Mabel and she came running back. She looked at me and sat. I patted her and hooked her back up. We both continued to walk.
“So you’d need to train me like you trained Mabel?”
I laughed. “Only if we were dating. But, if we stayed friends, then you could be who you need to be.”
“So, let me get this straight. You’d date the second version of me, but not the pathetic drunk?”
“No.” I smiled. “I’m not going to date you because I am trans. I would love to have you as a friend, but being a transsexual has its own baggage. From the looks of you, you don’t need any more baggage in your life.”
“How can you say that when you’ve only met me two times?”
“No one gets so wasted drunk, so angry drunk unless they own lots of baggage. You’re probably a sweet, wonderful, sensitive, caring person. But, your problems must be wrapped tightly around your core. You don’t need my ups and downs mixed up in your life.”
He looked at me and stopped. We stood there on the sidewalk.
I kept talking. “Seriously. If we were friends, I could help you, care for you, and bolster you up when you’re down. And we’d be able to stay friends. But dating would just fuck it up.”
“You’ve never been in love, have you?”
I had to think about that. “I’ve held myself back from that kind of attachment. I do just fine. But when a guy pretends to like you because he wants to experience gay sex and it seems easier with someone trans, then I get my heart broken. So, no. I don’t fall in love.”
Matt got a bit defensive. “I’m that kind of guy? I want to date you just to experience gay sex?”
I had said too much and I wanted to take it back. I put my hand on Matt’s arm. “I’m sorry, Matt. I don’t know if you’re that kind of guy. I just don’t think that I’m secure enough to date a handsome guy who has beautiful women throwing themselves at him. I don’t know what I have to offer a guy who’s obviously rich and very talented. I can’t compete. I don’t know anything. I can’t afford to be hurt.” I was at the point of breaking down and crying right there in traffic. I could feel Mabel getting agitated and pulling on her leash. I think we were both at a breaking point.
Through my tears, I just wanted to run away from all of this. Sometimes being so honest is frustrating. I think I was at my breaking point. “I’m going to catch a cab. I think we’ve had enough today.” I went to raise my hand.
Matt reached over and pulled my hand down and held it. “I’m sorry, too. I just wanted you to say yes so we could continue being together this way. I want to talk again with you and ask you again, but I will be happy to be your friend in the meantime. Please let me take you home.”
I was wiping the tears from my eyes before they started to fall. I told Mabel to heel and then said bene. We walked back outside the gallery and climbed into the big car.
As we rode along, Matt whispered in my ear. “I think you’re beautiful. I think you’re honest. I know you are kind. You helped me when I was dealing with my demons and gave me your couch. I am better than that night. I can be trained. I can remain celibate if you’ll just kiss me and let me hold you. I just want to be with you.”
I looked at him like he was crazy. Beautiful? Who was he looking at?
by Leslie Moore
Chapter Four
The ride home was quiet. Mabel looked out the window. She was curious. I wondered how many cars she’d been in. Her first owner trained her himself. They gave her up when their newborn started having allergies. Mabel was two when I got her. We’d been together for three years.
After adoption, I promised to make her feel secure for the rest of her life. I was seventeen when I was pushed out. My father, the minister, had given up trying to pray the gay out of me. When I announced I was trans, that was their last straw.
I was headed to Rhode Island School of Design thanks to a scholarship. My parents politely told me good luck and not to return.
It was ironic. Instead of feeling the loss of a family, I felt all the pressure lifting from my shoulders. I finally could be me, a complete person. I arrived at RISD feeling like a five-year-old going to her first birthday party.
We watched the traffic whiz by. I turned to Matt. “Your credibility goes down a notch when you refer to me as beautiful.”
He shook his head. He took out his phone. He showed me a Picasso nude, a Botticelli, a Sandys, Frank Benson’s, and a Degas. He smiled. “None of these paintings fit the modern day definition of beauty. Mona Lisa Giocondo could not have gotten a cover on Vogue but millions stand in line each year to admire her face.”
I laughed and shook my head.
Matt held my hand and looked into my eyes. He touched my face while he talked. “You are beautiful. Wonderful skin, gorgeous eyes, lush hair, and generous lips. And that’s just the superficial part of you. I want to get to know you better.”
He had a knack for making me believe his words. But sanity returned. I didn’t want to be hypnotized by his fast talk. I murmured, “We’ll be friends.”
Matt didn’t stop staring. “I want more. What about love?”
I shook my head and turned away. “You throw around a lot of wonderful words. You call me beautiful. You use the word love. You’re sounding like a complete bullshitter. Let it go.”
Matt was smart enough to stop.
As we pulled up to my office, the driver stopped the limo, got out, then held the door open for Mabel and me. I thanked him. I waved goodbye to Matt. He looked like someone was punishing him.
I stuck my head inside the open door. “Hey.”
He looked at me. His face was blank.
I leaned into the car right in his face. I smiled. “Thank you for lunch. And thank you for the gift. I enjoyed seeing your work and taking our walk into Central Park. I am looking forward to getting to know you better.”
He tried to smile. “Me, too.” He stared at me and sighed.
I reminded myself that he was a spoiled man used to getting his way. Money, talent, and good looks evidently gave him a free ride. He must get everything he wants, I thought as I walked up to my door.
Mabel waited while I unlocked the door. When we got inside and I was hanging out the open sign, the big black limo drove away.
I reminded myself that I wasn’t fifteen and susceptible to teenage crushes. I was a grown-up woman who knew what was best for her. I pushed away the fantasy of being in his arms and fed Mabel her dinner. As I leaned against the kitchen counter, I tried to focus on something else. It wasn’t working. He was a catch.
As we drove over the Brooklyn Bridge, I shook myself out of my flashback. Eighteen months ago, I met this man. Now, I was riding in his mother’s car headed to see the old crone and provide him moral support.
Our ride across the bridge and into the city was uneventful. It’s fun to gaze out at the scenery. The upper west side of New York is lush with beautiful high rise apartment buildings, marvelous boutiques, museums, galleries, restaurants, and Central Park.
Sidney pulled the Maybach over to the curb and the doorman opened my side. We rode up the elevator in silence. I could feel the tension radiating off of Mathew. We smiled at each other but I could see the anxiety on his face the closer we got to her lair.
I could almost smell the fire and brimstone as we walked down the hall to the apartment. She and her late husband purchased a second apartment on that floor to make room for their growing family. When Mathew left and his dad died, his mother had the rooms redecorated. If Mathew wanted to stay the night, there was always a sterile guest room he could use temporarily.
Mathew went to the Maryland Institute of Art. After he graduated he used his small trust fund to move out. Fortunately, he made enough money selling his paintings to stay almost independent.
Mathew refused to take money from me even though we were together. My graphic arts business was expanding and doing well. I started renting out my second floor home through Airbnb and VRBO to pay off my mortgage early. I banked the rest of my money.
The maid opened the door and ushered us into the foyer. “Mrs. Statler will be with you shortly. May I get you a beverage?”
We both smiled and said we were fine. Mathew’s mother was fond of importing Irish girls as her domestic help. We sat down and waited.
Mathew whispered to me, “I feel like a stranger in here. She’s redecorated again.”
I didn’t have a chance to answer before Helen Statler walked into the room. We both stood. I couldn’t get the grin off my face. It was like greeting the fucking queen. I tried not to laugh or curtsey.
Helen looked at her son but not at me. Boy, she was a piece of work.
“I had Briana set the third plate. I knew you’d bring your little friend along.” Then she turned and looked at me like I had an infectious disease. “Caroline, how are you?”
I nodded. “I am fine, Mrs. Statler. It’s nice to see you again.” She didn’t care how I was. I could have told her I was hemorrhaging internally and she would reply, ‘that’s nice’.
I loved the way she emphasized the word Caroline like I stole the name and she wanted it back. Mrs. Statler didn’t like having to acknowledge that I was transgender. In her mind, her son was living with a freak. She once told Mathew that she was tired of him bringing a drag queen into her home. She referred to me a man wearing women’s clothes, but not to my face. She knew I would have slapped her. I draw a line.
Mathew later related the conversation. He told her that he wouldn’t come by anymore to visit. It was then that she actually apologized. He defended me and told her that I was more of a woman than she was.
by Leslie Moore
Chapter Five
Lunch with Mrs. Statler was always a test. It was a real challenge to ignore her dour attitude. She truly tried your patience with everything she said. She asked questions just to see if she could raise your ire. She said what she was thinking as if all her filters had left with aging. She just sounded crazy.
Helen Statler was richer than most third world countries. If she wasn't loaded, she would have been locked up years ago. Instead, she sponsored charity fundraisers and supported the worst politicians. People fawned over her words like they were jewels. I thought she was a waste of oxygen.
But, Matthew Statler was my boyfriend and was important to me. After knowing him for six months, I lifted my own ban on dating him and turned my inner woman lose. After all that time working hard to be my friend, I felt sorry for him. I ran over him like a truck at high speed. I thought about the Black Widow spider who eats her mate after sex or was it the Praying Mantis?
That’s what kept the smile on my face while I ignored Helen’s babble about ‘what was wrong with the country today’. Or was it, ‘Did you know what I saw the other day? And they were holding hands and kissing in public.’ Instead, I thought about the raw sex that Matt and I had while we were getting ready to visit for lunch. I wondered what she’d say if I described how we did it standing up in my closet with me holding the reinforced clothes rod and my legs over his shoulders.
Fortunately, I had already received my third degree. Earlier, she’d looked me over and complimented my pleated skirt. Then, she wanted to know if it was wearing a poly blend. I sighed and said it was cotton and silk.
“Oh that’s right, you don’t like chemically based fabrics on your skin. I’ve wondered why you people are so anxious to fill yourself full of artificially made estrogens if you don’t like synthetics.”
Matt cut her off with a steely voice simply saying, “Mother.”
I almost wanted to laugh. “Well, Mrs. Statler, we all have to make choices. I wasn’t fortunate enough to have my body provide the correct hormones.”
I could look her in the eye and do my best to stay glib as I thought about how I screamed with pleasure burying my face in a heavy winter coat as her son brought me to orgasm less than two hours ago. I smiled and shrugged.
When Helen failed at getting a rise from me, she switched over to Mathew. “Oh yes, Matthew. So after our banker contacted me, he told me you wanted one hundred thousand dollars and that you were overdrawn on next years trust fund too.”
She stared as Mathew sat there looking at her like she was a stain on his tie. The two of them had years of practice glaring at each other. Fortunately Mathew saved his best glares for his mom, the Beast Master, herself.
“I want to make an investment.” He said.
“Are you going to tell me what it is?”
Mathew shook his head. “No.”
“Well, tell me why should I just give you another hundred thousand dollars then?”
Mathew always saved his best for last. I was thankful that we didn’t have this type of relationship. “Mother, I am thirty-one years old. When I turned thirty, I could have gotten a lawyer and challenged you for one half of father’s estate and won. I don’t think a court would turn me down. But I didn’t. I didn’t want to expose the family name in the papers and shine a light on you. I’ve lived very comfortably on what I earn through my paintings and the trust. But, I have an opportunity to make an investment in my future.”
His mother stared.
“So it’s simple, mom. You can write a check and cover my overdrafts for next year’s trust and add a hundred grand to sweeten the pot or you can wait for me to petition the court and I will take half of everything you have. It’s your choice.”
Helen looked at him and smiled. “Well, why didn’t you simply say so, honey. Of course, I will call John and give him those instructions.”
“Today?”
“Yes, dear.” She sighed for dramatic effect. “Today.”
Matt stood and pulled my chair out for me. “Well, mother. Thank you for lunch but we must be going. Caroline has work to do.”
Helen looked at me with a feral grin. “How is 8th Avenue Graphics Designs doing?”
I looked down at her and smiled as I thought, we won! “Thank you for asking, Helen. It’s keeping me busy.”
One of her Irish lassies showed us out and we were back in the Maybach before we could thank all the angels for rescuing us from the Queen of all that is dead and dismembered.
When we were safely in the car and moving along, Matt whispered to me. “Usually, this is when I like to get blind drunk and go looking for a fight.” He chuckled and grabbed me in an embrace.
I laughed a real laugh. “She does bring the best out in people.” I told him about what I concentrated on while I sat there. While I was retelling the details of our sexual heat in the closet, I put my hand on his crotch and felt him respond.
I kissed him hard on the lips. “We go home and go to the gym. Five miles of cardio and then we can practice kickboxing together. I might let you win this time.”
He laughed and kissed me back. I could see the dark mood had passed. “You’re on. But, I’m not going to hold back. I’m not going to let you win.”
I grinned. “Like I let you win in the closet today?”
by Leslie Moore
Chapter Six
When Sidney dropped us off at the curb, I was mentally putting together what I’d need to do tonight for the business tomorrow. Since I couldn’t come up with any pressing work that couldn’t wait, I just followed Matt upstairs to change for a workout. I think he needed me more than my clients.
One of the perks of living in Brooklyn was I could change in the condo and run to the gym along an attractive jogging path through our park. We changed and skipped the elevator. We ran down the stairwell to the ground level.
As we burst out the side doors, I gave Matt a playful shove giving me a decent head start down the sidewalk. I got the crossing light and was in the park in ten steps. I was sprinting until I found my rhythm sliding into an easy cadence. I could keep this pace up for the two miles through the park to our gym. I could hear Matt struggling to keep up with me.
I gave a glance back and Matt was trying to force himself into catching up with me. I slowed briefly to let him come alongside. Matt had strength but I had him beat in cardio. I grinned. All those toned muscles were heady to drag along.
I smiled and gave him an encouraging moment. “C’mon, big boy. You’re not trying to find your center and you’re beating yourself up. Stop worrying about catching me and find your inner pace. Once you have that, then challenge me.” I knew what would happen next. He would try to reach out and grab me to throw me off stride. He did have the bulk to push me around.
As he reached out, I pushed off his hand and gained a step. I dug in and took a few strides to take a longer lead. I heard him grunt and breath harder.
I laughed and turned my head. “You can’t catch me ‘cause I’m the gingerbread man.”
As we drew up a slight rise, I could see the gym right across the street. I stopped at the light and heard Matt coming up behind me. He was breathing hard.
“You cheat.” He shot out the words between breaths.
I laughed. “I take any advantage. All’s fair in love.” I kissed his cheek as we stopped outside to collect our wits.
We walked into the gym together and an hour later, walked out together. We stopped to purchase healthy smoothies and strolled our way back home.”
As we window shopped, I turned and put my arm on his sweat-stained shirt and chest. “What investment?”
He looked me in the eyes and smiled. “Well, I have two investments perking out there.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Do tell.”
“You and the building next store to your shop.”
“Mrs. McCarthy’s flower shop? She’s finally retiring?”
Mathew nodded. “She’s retiring and moving to Florida. I’ve been chatting with her for six months. I’m going to buy the building and help establish an annuity for her.”
“What’s the other investment?”
“I was going to take you to Thailand to talk to a doctor.”
I stopped dead in my tracks.
“I’m your investment?”
“Only what you want.”
I thought about that. I’d put off thinking about that last surgery for a number of reasons. The first reason was money and the second reason was I was frightened. I’d never given it the thought it was due. I guess I really forgot about it.
That’s funny how you think you need something and then you sleep on it and don’t anymore. Well, I have never gone back to revisit the topic.
“I need to get my shit together. I’ll need to start going back to Crystal. I haven’t talked to her in a while and I want to have some sessions and work through some stuff before thinking about that kind of thing. Hell, I’ve just finally recovered from my face.” That was true. The swelling around my nose hadn’t disappeared until six months ago.
Matt shrugged. “The offer stands. The money’s there if and when you want to use it.”
Oh wow, I thought. I’m twenty-seven and my sugar daddy’s thirty-one. That sure doesn’t fit the norms. Maybe his need to take care of me included owning me, too.
Did I want to be owned? All I could think about was a book like Fifty Shades. I wasn’t needy enough to fit the profile. Of course, we’d never experimented with toys or bondage. I wondered if there was a dark side to us?
As we walked around, I tried hard to picture all of this. I knew I wasn’t ready for another vacation of recovery and wondered about all the mechanics of the surgical procedures. I’m sure I could Google it. I really needed to brush up on what’s out there. I hadn’t looked into SRS really carefully. And the bottom line, excuse the pun, was who was I doing this for?
So, I wasn’t about to get into the whole mind thing of relationships and him paying for me. I tried to understand what it meant to always have too much money. I guess I needed to go back and read the 50 Shade books again. Maybe I could give up my day job and just write novels. I laughed.
Matt looked at me. “Hey. Whatcha thinking?”
“What are you going to do with the flower shop? You’re planing to go into business?”
Matt shrugged. “I never thought of it. I was just looking at all the possibilities of what we might do. We could rent out the flower shop and redo the second floor and look at her backyard for expansion.”
“Her yard is bigger than mine. And her lot is bigger, too.”
Matt nodded. “I’m going to sell off the condo spaces or mortgage against them. I have to talk to someone first. The market is up and I’ll have no problem there.”
“If you’re selling your condo, why’d you visit the cash cow today?”
He shook his head. “Good question. Maybe to piss her off? Maybe to reshuffle the power structure? Maybe to remind her that I exist?”
I turned to him and shook my head. I put a hand on his chest and brought him to a halt. I stood next to him and whispered in his ear. “How much money is in that trust?”
He looked at me and laughed. “You want me for my money?”
I coughed and then covered my mouth. “Yeah. That’s it. I’ve been stringing you on just for your money.”
It was a joke because while Matt paid our way, I still went to work and paid all my business bills. He’s never tried to change my world to suit his terms. When I was with him, he picked up the tab. But, he’s never paid my way.
He thought for a minute. “The market’s good right now. I’ll bet its worth five hundred million or maybe more. It’s funny that you should ask. I haven’t checked into it for a few years.”
I froze. “Huh?”
Matt grinned. “My half. Right? Mother’s half is totally tied up in father’s business stock. Her’s is probably worth almost twice what mine is worth. My half is much more stable and less volatile. And you know she’ll pay off my debt to the bank and the cash I asked for from my side of the estate. She won’t touch hers for me.”
“Jezz, Matt. What are you planning on doing with that money?”
He hesitated. He sighed. He fidgeted. “I don’t have much choice. When I turn thirty-five, it’s all changed over into my name. I’m stuck with it.”
I didn’t know any of this until just this second. I knew he was a trust fund baby but never had any idea of the specifics. It gave me a giddy feeling to know someone that rich. Especially the guy who could provide me with such nice orgasms.
He looked out into space as he led me up our steps. “I’m going to put most of it into a large trust and use the interest to underwrite good causes. I want to develop a system where we can help non-profits with gifts and provide scholarships each year to individuals. I want to help underprivileged kids afford school and Vets get small business loans. You know, that kind of thing.”
“No yacht? No private plane?”
He laughed and smiled. “You want that kind of shit? Do you want to be Mrs. Gray?”
I laughed. “Do you want me to be your slave, Mr. Gray?”
by Leslie Moore
Chapter Seven
Matt skewed my whole world in one fell swoop. When he told me he was worth a half a billion dollars I didn’t know what to do or say.
This world is all supposed to make sense, right? I mean, do all fairy tales deserve a happily ever after? I don’t know. No, really. I do know my world stopped that day.
I have no concept of what a half a billion dollars is. If you live in New York you hear about people who have millions or billions of dollars. But, my income is less than a hundred thousand dollars a year and I save my paperclips. I eat leftovers. I put the cork back in wine.
What are you supposed to do when all your dreams suddenly can be fulfilled? When every thing is within your grasp? I never wanted to be rich. Sure, back when I was five I wanted to be magically changed into a girl and have parents that loved me. But, you don’t need millions of dollars to be loved.
When I was little, I had this reoccurring dream. It was where I fell into a large postal storage box. Those big green ones that used to sit on city street corners. How I fell in, I don’t know. But, I’d find myself sitting in one and next to me was this cute little girl, so pretty, delicate, and oh so sweet. We’d look at each other and I would change into her. I’d trade places. And then I’d be out of the mailbox and go to her house and become her. And I had this dream a lot. I never told anyone especially my father, the Reverend or my mom, the hand wringer.
But, I never felt abused unless you think about the Reverend being verbally insensitive. Actually, I take that back. I was smacked around a lot. I had a big mouth and spoke my mind. And my parents were so conservative you would have thought we grew up in the dark ages. So when I heard stupid things being said, I spoke up. I guess it was always the wrong time because I got pounded occasionally. But, back then, I thought I deserved that it was what was coming to me for being disrespectful. I hadn't learned that all men of God weren't like Jesus or Gandhi.
But, back to Matt and his thoughts of taking care of the downtrodden. I live in New York and we have homeless people with mental illness and poor people full of hopelessness everywhere. Have you worried about how many hungry kids go to bed without dinner? Or how many fathers and mothers fight over money instead of hugging their kids? Matt wanted to change that.
And Matt wanted to use his money to help fix those problems. It boggled my mind that he could have that much power. I got confused just trying to think about it. Especially when he mentioned that his mother had more than twice that much money and all she did was redecorate her large apartment and ride in a limousine.
But Mrs. Statler viewed money as the gateway to power.
We're all supposed to be happy in this is the modern age where diseases are treatable and technology can solve our problems. But, why is everything always tied up in knots and just a breath away from happening? I think I read it was Marshal McLuhan and McGill University that said we have enough food to feed everyone in the world but there’s a serious problem with distribution.
This is the kind of stuff that bothered me. And when Matt said he had enough money to put a dent in solving childhood hunger and taking care of needy people, I should have been excited.
But something screwed with my head that day and I was sad. Maybe it was visiting the Wicked Witch of Manhatten or hearing her insults. But I had that ashes taste in my mouth and was upset. Even on this sunny day, I felt a chill in my bones. I was shivering when I fell asleep spooning Matt.
Hours later, I was thrashing inside the bed covers. Well, actually I was tangled up and frightened. The same sheets and covers that Lisa, the babe from the art gallery, helped Matt pick out.
Eighteen months ago, when Matt and I met, I turned him down for a date. I said I just wanted to be friends. So for those first six months, Matt and I were just friends. Back then, I told him, actually encouraged him, to actively date others. I smiled when he told me about his women. Secretly, I was insanely jealous and wanted to go around and club them all to death. But I would nod and tell him how happy I was when all I wanted was jump on his bones, kiss his face,
Back then, we were supposed to be friends, just friends. I wanted to keep my distance. But, slowly I was falling in love with him. I wanted him. And after a while, it was all I could think about.
I yearned for the body that Miss Art Gallery was feasting on. I wanted to trade places with her. I even envied her English accent, her trim figure. and her beautiful face. I wanted to be whatever attracted Matt to her. I did like my hair better. Mine was thicker and healthier. Bleaching is not my thing.
We finally started dating and slowly I let him into my life and my world.
But this afternoon, when Matt told me how much he was worth, a strange thing happened. I felt it was the time to say goodbye to our relationship. I never realized he was that rich. I suddenly was suffering from insecurity. I felt I was not worthy of dating Matt anymore.
That same night, I had this terrible nightmare. Someone was chasing me. It was so dark I couldn’t see a face. Everything was hazy. I felt something grabbing at me. Matt was shaking me, assuring me everything was all right as he woke me from my nightmare.
But, even as I woke, it didn’t feel like everything was all right. I was wide awake and scared. I sat there on the edge of the bed and looked out the window and listened to the street noise.
I felt shaken. I had this underlying dread. I’m strong. I’ve persevered through all sorts of nonsense and weathered every shit storm tossed at me. I’ve been snubbed, called names, and shunned. I’ve heard slurs said behind my back. I was teased as a kid. And I lived through all of it and come back strong.
Sure, throw it at me. I’m steel. I’m tough. I can take it. But, in the night when everything is quiet and everyone is asleep, the monsters in my dreams shake me to my core. I feel slithery things on my skin while my feet were frozen in place.
I wasn’t going back to sleep. And sitting there was just stupid. I quietly told Matt I was going to go do some work. He offered to go with me and I told him I was fine.
I got up and put my clothes back on that I wore last night. Then I put on my coat and grabbed my keys. The walk back to the shop is short. The night air felt good. As I passed Mrs. McCarthy’s Flower Shop I looked at her building. It looked twice as big as mine and the lot was immense.
I fantasized about moving the business into the flower shop and hiring a few employees. I wondered what the second floor looked like. And Matt said something about building an addition in the back. I reminded myself to look at it tomorrow and to talk to Agnes McCarthy about where she was moving to in Florida.
I unlocked my side door and there was Mabel staring at me in the shadows of the kitchen light. I turned on the staircase light and we went upstairs to my bedroom. We both hopped on the bed and lay there together. I listened to Mabel’s breathing and had my hand on her heart. As we lay together I closed my eyes and fell back to sleep.
I woke when Matt climbed into bed with the two of us. He held me and when I turned to face him, he smiled. He kissed me softly on my lips and cover my face with gentle kisses.
“I love you, Caroline.”
I cried as I fell asleep.
by Leslie Moore
Chapter Eight
The whole visit with Matt’s mom and finding about his inheritance still had me spinning.
For the next three days, I wandered around in a fog. I guess I got my work done. I guess I watered the plants. I know I fed Mabel, walked Mabel, and slept with Mabel.
Actually, Mabel was my salvation. I wanted to be with her and I told Matt that I wanted to be alone.
“Why are you punishing me?” He stood there staring at me with pain in his eyes.
I shook my head. “I love you, okay? But, right now, I’m all mixed up. I can’t be in charge of anyone else. I can’t handle my own confusion. I’m sliding down a well into the darkness and I don’t want to drag you along. I’m fucked up and it’s not fair to see you be swallowed down with me.”
Matt refused to leave. “I’ll just be in the other room. I need to prove to you that I love you. I’m a rock. I’m your rock.”
I wanted him to leave and let me have a pity party. I couldn’t succumb to the pain if he was here. I wanted to wallow and sob and bawl. I wanted to let it all go. I really wanted him out so that I could hate myself more. I felt like I needed to punish myself.
It really sucked. I knew what I was doing. I wanted to engulf myself in sadness. I wanted to listen to mournful songs and feel sorry for myself. I knew what I was doing and I knew that it was bad. I knew I should just straighten myself up and tugged myself back up again. Instead, I wanted to make fists and hold my breath and cry.
It was stupid. Like when you eat a whole bag of Doritos and you get nauseous. Then as soon as the sickness passes and you feel better and you eat more Doritos.
I stayed busy. During the day, I was normal. I was working on a set of matchbook covers for a group of bars and taverns. Right, you heard me. You’re asking who needs matches anymore? But these guys said that they were the greatest form of advertisement around and they wanted new designs. I was told that people still collected them.
Matt came by and watched over my shoulder. Mini pop art, I like it.
I guess I was lost in my work when Matt and Mabel came downstairs and entered my studio. I looked up. “Hey.”
Matt smiled. “Mabel and I are going out for a walk and ice cream. We voted that you had to come.”
I was still pissed at the world and was trying to think of some hateful thing to say. The best I could do was “Where are you going for ice cream?” I really wanted to know.
“Mabel wants to go to Howards.”
Howards is the best. Seriously, ask anyone in Brooklyn where the best ice cream is and they’ll tell you Howards. I stood up. “Okay. Give me a minute. I need to change.”
I went upstairs and realized I needed a shower and clean clothes. I wondered when was the last time I had cleaned up. I called down and asked if they would give me a few minutes.
A voice came back up. “Mabel says not to take all day.”
I was ready in record time. Well, I don’t know if it was Guinness Record time, but I was moving as fast as I could. I felt a lot less itchy and skunky when I came back down. We cut through the park. I got mocha chip and Mabel got vanilla. Matt always says he doesn’t like ice cream, then eats half of mine.
As we walked back, I glanced at him. “I don’t want to be rich. I don’t want to be corrupted.”
Matt reached over and took a lick off my cone. Then he kissed me. “Good. I didn’t fall in love with you for your money.”
“Why did you?”
He thought for a minute. “You have an inner glow. I can close my eyes and paint you a million times over.”
“If you liked me so much, why did you pay for my facial surgery?”
Matt didn’t hesitate. “Did it make you happy?”
I nodded. “Yes. It made me very happy. It fulfilled a wonderful dream. But, doesn’t it make you uncomfortable being seen with me? Don’t you worry someone might find out you live with a tranny?”
Matt laughed. “Hey, if I can live with someone who likes mocha chip, then I guess it’s all right.”
We walked along without saying anything for a block. Then I turned to Matt.“I’m afraid.”
Matt leaned in and wrapped his arms around me. “I know. I protect you at nights when the goonies try to get at you.”
“Seriously, Matt. I’m afraid. What if you have all that money and something happens to you or someone realizes who you live with and they shun you?”
“Is that what you’re afraid of? You’re afraid the world will hate me because I love you?”
“It’s entered my mind. I don’t want to cause you pain. I love you but I would rather see you leave me while we are still happy than have us break up angry.”
Matt stared at me. “That’s so fucked up. I say I love you and you tell me you’re radioactive and you don’t want me to die from being around you.”
“Don’t you think that people treat you differently because you’re with a tranny?”
Matt kissed me. “Do I care? I don’t need all those other people, just you.”
I sighed. “When you’re rich can we still live like we do? Does anyone have to even know how rich you are and how you run a charity? Do we have to become like your mother?”
Matt laughed and squeezed me tight. “Oh lord. Shoot me now. You know what kills my mom? She knows I’m going to inherit her money too. It’s all written up that way. And she hates the fact that that money is going to help needy people.”
I laughed. I think it was the caffeine from the mocha chip. But I laughed again. I turned to him and kissed him on the mouth. “I’m sorry. I can be a real ass sometimes.”
Matt kissed me. “It’s good. And you have a lovely ass. Caroline, you keep me grounded. I need you even when you’re fighting the goonies day and night. I just want to make you happy.”
“If you sell your condo and your studio, where will you paint?”
“I can paint in my new studio behind Mrs. McCarthy’s flower shop. There’s great northern light and it’s got a pretty view of your house.”
“Would we still live in my house?”
“Yes. It’s perfect for a couple. Of course, we’ll have to reinforce the clothes pole in the closet and put in a new double shower. “
“Do you always think about sex?”
“I don’t like ice cream so my wants are simple.”
by Leslie Moore
Chapter Nine
For the next few weeks, life went smoothly. We were doing well together and thank goodness we didn’t hear from Mrs. Statler. Matt did report that she gave him the money out of his account.
We were sitting there in the condo on a Monday night. I was catching up on the Times. Matt mentioned the hundred thousand dollar deposit in his account and last year’s loan being covered He also brought me up to date on our plan.
“I’ve talked to the condo offices, and they have buyers for this place and the studio. They said whenever we want we can sign a contract. We’re walking away with mad money.”
I looked up from the Sunday Times. “When are you up for packing boxes?”
“I don’t think we can move the studio until we build a new one. And I have no idea where we put all the stuff that’s in here. Your place is already full of your stuff. I’m stumped.”
“I say give us six months from the time we settle with Mrs. McCarthy.”
“That’s a good idea. I’m thinking about starting up the Foundation early after we finish with all of this. I’ve decided to start laying out the groundwork and seeing what I need to do. After talking with my mother, I’m even going to invite her to donate a portion of her money to the foundation.”
“Seriously? You think your mother is going to let you have her money?”
“No, I don’t. But I’ll let the lawyers show her the benefits of starting a foundation in my father’s name and all the positive press she’ll get. Plus, I’m sure her tax accountants will agree with it. Imagine if this foundation has a billion dollars in it to start. Imagine what we could do to help people.”
I nodded and put the paper down. I was too nervous to multitask. “It all just scares me. But I do want to help teens with outreach programs. There are so many people who need help.”
“Well, we can find an outreach program and donate to them or we can fund a start-up program. I think we need to create a board and come up with a general philosophy that appeals to us. We’ll have all sorts of lawyers and accountants to walk us through the government process of making this all tax deductible. Who knows, we might get donations from other foundations, too.”
I smiled. “Helping would be nice. But let your mom have all the glory. I don’t want you kidnapped and held for ransom because they think you’re a billionaire.”
“Sounds smart. But, if we start this foundation, all that money goes away. We’d be on the board, but people would know we won’t benefit from any of the money. If we center the whole project right here in New York, we’ll just have to cross the street to have meetings, no round the world junkets.”
I nodded.
“In the meantime, I talked to Mrs. McCarthy, and she’s happy to let us tour the place anytime today.”
“Now that’s something I can get behind. I’d love to walk through McCarthy’s place and start laying out the changes we’re going to make. I’m thinking of moving my business over to the flower shop. It would give me room to hire two new people so I can expand.”
“What happens to your store?”
“Hmm. I guess I haven’t thought that through. If someone were to rent it, they’d want both floors, wouldn’t they? That’s not going to work.”
“Living here has spoiled us. We have both places now. What if we kept both?”
I nodded. “You’re right. We use all our space now. The studio, our condo, and my house are all consumed. We are gluttons.”
“Would you like to move to one of those tiny houses or an Airstream?”
“We could walk the Rockies and backpack.”
We both chuckled and tried to imagine all the places we’d never been.
“Why don’t you move to the flower shop and open up another business in your old space. How about a copy store that offers technical assistance? It would be a local version of Staples. You could hire on your help and just oversee the production.”
“Not bad. Not bad at all. We can brainstorm all sorts of businesses we can operate out of it. Would you still want to live upstairs?”
“Let’s decide that after we visit the flower shop.”
We went over to the flower shop after it closed that afternoon. We both took tablets with us to take photos and make notes. Matt went down into the basement.
He was smiling when he came up. “The heater’s shot and there are soft spots in the flooring where years of water has trickled down. We can bring in a good contractor to repair and replace all of that. I’d rather put in a whole new system anyway.”
I smiled. I had no desire to take that on, but if we got the right contractor, we could just sit back and watch. I did an inventory of the first floor.
“It’s the same story on the first floor. Both the kitchen and the powder room are outdated and need some structural work. We might as well start fresh. I’d love to design a new kitchen and powder room.”
Matt reported back on the yard. “The outside is awesome. There’s a nice north facing spot that’s dying for a studio. I think we put a separate system out there. I’m even thinking about making the building two stories and using the downstairs for my office.”
I laughed out loud. “Office? Sure, just another term for a man cave. Fine with me. I’d rather not hear the raucous sounds of a large blaring television anyway.”
I pointed back to my house. “I’ll keep my hideaway in my old bedroom on top of my shop. We can still use it as a guest room, and it can be my retreat.”
Matt was enjoying this. “This is win-win, so far.”
We both were smiling as we stood upstairs together. It was large and nicely laid out. There were a sizable bathroom space and a beautiful bedroom with lots of windows and light.
The living room was cozy. It was gorgeous in it’s old Victorian charm. All the moldings were intact. The whole building still had an authentic charm to it.
I looked at Matt and pointed to the two marble encased fireplaces. “Do the fireplaces work?”
“Mrs. McCarthy told me to have them cleaned and fitted with flues before we built a fire in it. But she said it could be quite cozy.”
“We don’t need a living room if we make this all a suite.”
“Where would we entertain?”
“I’m going to design a larger version of what I already have next door with a kitchen and powder room and dedicate half my workspace to a generous conference room. It will be perfect for entertaining.”
Matt nodded. “I like this. I do.”
We stepped outside. “It would be nice to do the yard over so that we can have outside parties and maybe even have a gallery show each spring and fall using the inside and the out. We could do the whole open french door thing. It would be neat to hang some of your modern stuff on fancy Victorian wrought iron right outside under the stars.”
“Stars in Brooklyn?” Matt laughed.
“Okay, how about lights? It could be the whole Italianate patio look with strings of white lights.”
“You mean show paintings right here?”
“Why not? You can paint some smaller works that are reasonably priced to sell to the neighbors, and you wouldn’t have to give fifty percent to the gallery.”
That night, we took Mrs. McCarthy out to dinner. We handed her a deposit check for a hundred thousand dollars. She smiled.
“You know. When John and I bought this in the seventies, we paid fifty-three thousand. We paid off the mortgage long ago. I’m going to sock this away in short-term T-Bills and the market. I’m from the mid-west and love to invest in ninety-day grain futures. Soybeans are going to be up this year.”
Matt said he’d bring the contracts around to her this week.
“Honey, bring it on. I’ve already started to cut back on my wholesale orders. I can be out of here whenever you’re ready. I’m sure you’ve got wonderful plans for the place. I’ve told my kids they can share in the money if they let me come and visit my grandkids. I headed to California first. They have a cute guest cottage out back and told me I can stay for six months.”
We finished up our bottle of wine and all walked back to the flower shop. We stood there while Rita unlocked her door. She smiled.
“I’m so glad you two bought it. The last thing we need in this neighborhood is some outsider coming in thinking that he knows best. We don’t need another latte shop or someone that sells scented soaps.”
by Leslie Moore
Chapter Ten
Two weeks later, we had our sketches in hand and made an appointment with a local architect. We were riding in the cab to her office while Matt was walking me through the complexities of starting a tax-free charity, a limited liability corporation, and the joy of working with lawyers.
After five minutes, I asked him to stop. “I’m getting a headache. But one question. Who is going to do all of this?”
Matt nodded and put everything away. “Mother’s lawyers. She insisted that they be in charge if she was going to give up her money.”
“She’s in on all of this?”
“Yep. And that’s why Mother wants her lawyers involved. But that’s good. The Foundation has will be examined and rechecked over a thousand times before it happens. It looks like we’re going to need staffing and the family trust will be happy to pick up the slack and provide us a location and a few people to answer the phone. So it can all happen in six months.”
I rolled down the window for a bit of fresh air. Fresh air in Brooklyn? How desperate was I getting? I was feeling claustrophobic. “It’s a bit intense, Matt.” I looked around. “How far to Sheila’s office?”
Matt looked at his GPS. “Almost there. Move closer to me, and I’ll protect you from the goonies.”
I snuggled in like a child on a stormy night. I was starting to feel better.
We pulled up to Sheila DiNardo’s architectural firm. It was about the size of my building with a shop downstairs and living space up. It was typical Brooklyn.
Walking in, I immediately felt at home. She had a beautiful touch with her layout and decorating. I felt a kinship.Which only got better when I saw her ring and noticed the pictures of she and her wife on her desk.
By the time she looked through our sketches, photos, and the plot plans she was cooing with delight. “This is wonderful. I love your ideas and don’t think this is going to take much effort to do. One suggestion comes to mind. Why not put your art studio on northeast the corner of your old lot? It’s got perfect exposure and will anchor your yard nicely. If you put it right in the middle it breaks up the flow.”
We looked at each other and wondered why we didn’t think of that. We smiled.
“Another thing would be, and I’m only suggesting, that you do the studio in an Arts and Crafts period. It would contrast nicely with the Victorian and your Italianate garden and provide a reduced scale for a two-story building. An Italianate building would look too imposing. You’d have the same interior space and the smaller windows downstairs would mean not having to close off all the light when you’re watching TV.”
“And you’d have an unobstructed view of the yard from your new bedroom in the Victorian. And another point. If you rent out the smaller house to me, I’d run my office in the downstairs and my wife and I could live upstairs. We’d cede over our outside privileges when you want to have gallery shows, too. We need it for four years until we retire and move back to California.”
Sheila continued. “I’m being evicted from here and need new digs for my office and my home. I wouldn’t change anything in your office and house and look forward to our black lab meeting your Spinoni. Her name is Jade.”
Matt and I looked at each other. We smiled.
Sheila grinned back. “I think we need to add some more living space above your new back porch so Caroline will get her quiet back room when she doesn’t want to be out on the porch. I recommend you glass that in and heat it. Let it serve as a buffer when the cold winds blow. Maybe add two more fireplaces, one up and one down. I’m going to recommend gas for those two.”
“I’ll design your art studio first so your builder can start soon. Did I mention that my wife’s brother is going to be the best builder you’d ever want? And if we say yes to everything today, I’ll get him to get your permits and start in two weeks.”
We shook and started to talk terms and a schedule. We’d give Mrs. McCathy notice and more money right away. After talking to her, it sounded like she’d be happy to move out to California tomorrow.
We sat in a bar across the street. My hands were shaking.
“Did all that just fall into place? Are we smart?”
Matt laughed. He’d just been researching the builder online. “It’s all amazing. You get a four-year tenant. We get a creative design and a good contractor with a five-star rating. It sounds great.”
Two weeks later, the first thing the contractor did was change Mabel’s fence. Temporarily, Mabel would enjoy Mrs. McCarthy’s yard and all her flowers. She was watching her old yard through chicken wire while the builders started a grand two-story studio in the back of the property.
Since our house was going to be untouched, we watched as another team of workers started redoing the flower shop. All the beautiful Victorian details were saved and restored, but everything else would be redone to modern code requirements while a new porch and my new sitting room added on.
Every day, I was surrounded by building noise and contractors pouring all over the property. After four weeks, they were making great progress and I was starting to show signs of shell shock. Just about the time I was thinking about taking a long walk, Matt appeared right before lunch.
“Hey.”
“Hey, yourself. Did you come to take me out of here for lunch? I’m getting weary of all this activity.”
“Better. I’ve got a bag full of hoagies and a nice white wine. The three of us are going for a picnic in the park.”
“Ice cream for dessert?”
“Funny, that’s the first thing Mabel asked when I told her.”
As we sat there in the relative quiet of the park, Mathew looked at me carefully.
“What?”
“I was thinking. Can you carve out two weeks off from work right now?”
“You mean off as in leave and go away?”
“Yep.”
I thought about it. I had several assignments in the works. I knew I had enough contracts that I didn’t have to worry about losing any future business. “I could if I had a few days to prep it would be no problem. What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking two weeks in Maine. I know someone who has a great place in a gorgeous cove. They’ve bought some of my work. I called them. We could bring Mabel, hike, and just enjoy the peace and quiet. I’d like to paint while we’re up there.
While our building budget seems to have gone up in flames with all the extras, I think we can afford to swing it. We’d borrow a car and give ourselves a food allowance. If we watched our budget, we can do it.”
“Wait. What happened to the billionaire playboy? No yacht, no limo, no private seaplane?”
Matt laughed. “Would Mabel like to arrive by sea?”
“Not really. But, I might.”
“Shades of fifty. You’ve obviously been reading the third book. My, my. Should I have my whips and chains sent up there along with my paints, Mrs. Grey?”
“I’m wondering about ice cream and maybe lobster.”
“I’ll give you the best. Mount Desert Island Ice Cream in Bar Harbor and Red’s Eats for lobster roll in Wiscasset.”
“I’ll start to pack.”
by Leslie Moore
Chapter Eleven
As we drove along, I turned to Matt. “You know, we’ve had two weeks of breathtaking skies, fresh air, and gorgeous views.”
Without taking his eyes off the road, he spoke. “Yeah, I know I’m happy. I feel better than I’ve felt in a long time.”
“That was an amazing house. I never knew that a camp would be a three-bedroom house with a panoramic view of the water. I envisioned cots, a wood stove, and cold running water.” The coastal Maine house that Matt borrowed was a dose of happiness injected with dishes of ice cream, and lobster rolls dipped in butter.
He smiled. “Yep. I did good.”
“What do you think that something like that costs?”
He grinned. “A couple million.”
Even though Maine was only a few states north, it had eluded me. Its rugged beauty was exhilarating. I especially liked the merging of the ocean to its rocky coast. We hiked, we walked, and we window shopped.
“I understand why people flock here to vacation. And the natives are very obliging.”
“They have to make their money in a short time. The only see skiers in the winter. The rest of us are too smart to come up there in January.”
We spent our days wandering around and discovering. I’d drop Matt and his easel, paints, and canvasses off in some beautiful locale. Mabel and I would drive around until we found hiking trails or cute little towns to sightsee. In the afternoon, I’d go looking for Matt, and we’d eat lunch together. Some days it was a picnic, and other days it was an outside umbrella at a cozy restaurant.
Other days, we’d go nowhere. While Matt painted, Mabel and I would lounge on the deck and stare out at the water. Each morning, we’d plan our itinerary for the day. I’d vote for small towns with lots of stores and windows to look through. Mabel always voted for walks and hikes. Mabel won most of the time.
I had my eyes closed but heard Mabel shift and stand. I opened one eye to see Matt trooping back up with his equipment and two finished canvasses. “Hey! Did you catch any fish?”
“Tried to. But I think I’m using the wrong bait. I keep trying Cadmium Yellow, but they’re not biting.”
“I don’t miss my Pantone colors, but let’s see. That would be 15-1054.”
He smiled. “Show off.”
I stuck out my tongue. “I think I’m going to learn all the names of the native plants indigenous to Brooklyn. I think we need a butterfly garden out back.”
We day-tripped as far north as Bar Harbor to hike in the National Park. We ate lobsters and drank local beers at a local lobster pound. It was fun for all.
For me, there were no deadlines, no calls, and no stress. Each day was always something new. As a single woman developing my own business, I’d spent all my time working for the past six years. My breaks from work were going to the gym or jogging. But, the joy of this year-old relationship changed my life. In the process of sharing my world with Matt, it brought a new perspective to my way of thinking.
Mathew had always lived his life by the seat of his pants. The privilege of being a trust fund baby meant he could be a successful painter without worrying about making ends meet. Taking a trip to Maine to get away was a big deal for me. The fact that he’d spend his time painting, his version of working, was just part of his unique and privileged lifestyle.
My world was much more ordinary. If my income faltered for a brief minute in time, I could disappear. I was in touch with all my clients, and when I told them I was going to Maine for two weeks, no one said a word. I was shocked. It was a realization that this vacation thing was the norm for the rest of the world. I wondered where I had been.
Since I started my own business, I’d never taken time off. I always put all my money back into my business. Matt’s perspective was decidedly different from mine.
“You know, this is the first time I’ve had a vacation since college. It’s rather refreshing to get away. I hope my business is still there when I return.”
Matt laughed. “You’re not a dairy farmer. You don’t have to worry about milking cows. Your clients will love you more when you return.”
“I hope so. I can’t afford to play at work for a living.”
Matt grinned. “Don’t be mad at me, but I’ve never held a job in my life. All my money is from selling paintings.”
“That and your trust fund.”
“You’re right. But that will soon be ending. When we start the foundation, all the money goes there. I’ll become a starving artist from then on.”
But his present lifestyle came with a curse, his mother, Helen Statler. The Red Queen needed blood to survive. The crone had been dependent on draining his life force regularly as tribute until a year ago when we became a couple. Now, the harpy had been forced to look elsewhere.
The good news is there always a greedy politician willing to cut open their vein for a generous donation to their campaign. So Helen doled out cash to anyone willing to bend to her will. She was a real society charmer, all right.
By living with me, Matt was saving money. I was a cheap date. It also meant Matt had been freed of the guilt and the need for his angry rebellion. He was saner, too. His dealings with his mother had lessened. In simple terms, he’d stopped his blackout drinking just for me.
On our way home to Brooklyn, Matt was in a joyful mood. He had painted every day as if he was on the clock. He had found his groove and loved himself again. Me, I’d gained five pounds. Our third member of the happy band was content to sleep most of the way back New York.
When we arrived, the first thing we did was drive over my house and the construction site. We noted the progress our contractor made on the property. Then we unpacked at Matt’s condo. The rental place came to get the shiny new Volvo.
Back over at my place, Matt’s future studio was ready for occupancy. They’d painted the new building inside and out. Mabel mourned her old yard sacrificed to the two-story Craftsman-style building. But was pleased with her new yard behind the flower shop. She had new bushes to sniff and the contractors had built a nice fence to keep her secure.
Matt would schedule the move from his existing studio for the end of the week. He'd start packing his materials this afternoon. He’d made arrangements to have the Manhattan Gallery receive his large Maine paintings and remainder were shipped to my shop. He’d done all his plein air work on site. He had forty completed canvasses. Fortunately, there were places for him to buy stretched blank canvass right around the corner in Booth Bay. He had ten large pieces for the Manhattan gallery.
Over at our future home at the flower shop, the new addition was framed in, had windows, and a roof. They were working on the cedar siding when were arrived.
Inside the flower shop, my future office, the kitchen and bathrooms had been gutted. They were installing floors and new walls. The builders had added structural beams and replaced all the rot. Matt went down in the basement and pronounced it sound. The building was updated to meet building code. The contractor said six to eight more weeks and he'd be gone.
I put Matt was in charge of colors. Even though I did design and graphics, I was more impressed with his color eye than my own. As we were looking at paint chips together, he turned to me with an odd look on his face.
“What?”
He had this strange smile. “This is our first house together.”
I got a tear in my eye and kissed him. “I never looked at it that way.” What I wanted to do was undress him on the spot and make love. But, with fifteen workers all over the property, it wasn’t appropriate. I gave it about two minutes thought.
I smiled. “Let’s take a walk.”
Matt looked at me. “Sure. Where?”
“Your place. I want our bedroom, uh, now.”
From the time Taylor was five, all he could remember was wanting to be Emma’s younger sister.
But, something happened when he turned twelve. He put away the dresses and costumes. The doll house went up in the attic and Taylor’s fantasies were all in his mind.
Until one fateful Saturday that changed everything. This is that story.
Taylor has been donated to DopplerPress for the support of BigCloset
Check out Leslie's saga of the music industry in:
Today, I present the first chapter of the sequel to the novel Taylor, which was published as a Kindle book. All the proceeds from Taylor and Taylor, Too! are for BigCloset. I hope you take the time to read this and tell me what you think. As always, I appreciate constructive criticism. I think it only makes the story better. I am writing this one chapter at a time, so your imput is important in making this a better book.
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Taylor lay on her bed staring at the wall. She could feel her older sister Emma lying next to her. Earlier, she had overheard Emma talking to her friends, Darla and Abby, all about her.
“Well, I’ve decided to postpone my college plans for a while. Instead of going to the University of Delaware, I’m going to go to Del Tech and live at home this year. I need to stay close to my little sister. I want to make sure that everything goes well for her. You know, no speed bumps.”
She listened while Darla talked about how they'd planned to be roommates at college and she kept mentioning Bradley's friends. "You know that guy really likes you. And it would be so cool to just date whenever we wanted to. No parents looking over our shoulders."
Abby chimed in. "Hey, Taylor is going to be great. You've got this whole summer together to help make sure she's on her feet. That's two whole months where you're right there. Seriously, Taylor is doing fine. It's not like the whole girl thing is going to be that hard for her. She's beautiful and kind. And she's already got a cute sixteen-year-old boyfriend who seems to adore her."
Emma laughed. "I know. Those two puppies are crazy about each other. I don't ever remember crushing so hard over a boy when I was her age."
Lying there together on the bed, Taylor sat up so she could see her sister. She playfully shoved her and immediately started cross-examining Emma. “Emma, seriously. You don’t need to attend Community College next September. I’m going to be fine.”
Emma shrugged. “I want to stay home and keep an eye on my little sister. This will be my last chance to bond with you. If I go to the University of Delaware, I won’t be home to ensure you’re happy.” She emphasized what she was saying by hugging her.
Taylor couldn't help but smile whenever she heard her say, ‘little sister.' Taylor was five foot, ten inches tall. Emma was shorter than she was. But, she still argued with Emma over her decision. Taylor still felt the need to confront her. “Hey. I’m okay, Emma. I’m going to be just fine. I think you’d be much happier going off to the U of D. You’d do really well there.”
Emma hugged her tightly again. Taylor liked that Emma had been hugging her a lot lately. Before this, the old Taylor never got as many hugs. Of course, old Taylor was a boy and was a little shy about hugs. But, now. It just seemed so right.
“No doubt, little sister. But, I want to ensure that this thing is good for you.”
Taylor wasn’t ready to concede to her sister’s wishes. “Well, I agree with your friends. I have all summer to adjust, and you’ll still be home with me. You can be my coach for the next two months and make sure that everything is okay. I can turn to you for help every day, and tossing away your University opportunities is foolish. You don’t need to worry about me. Even if you went to Delaware or Del State, you’re not that far away. And all I have to do is text or call you.”
Emma rubbed Taylor’s back as they lay there together on the bed. “Well, I feel a certain amount of responsibility about bringing Other Taylor back to life. You know it was my idea to dress you up Saturday night. Seriously, we spent a lot of time getting the boy out of you and making you beautiful. And then introducing you to Andrew seriously let the genie out of the bottle.”
Taylor smiled. “Yeah. I was so unaware of what was happening, but I loved every minute of it. I loved spending the whole day with Darla and Abby. It was so much fun learning all about making myself pretty. And it was way too much fun. And I’m so glad all of you did push me. C’mon. I’ve never been happier. We all know I was meant to be female, and well, I just got sidetracked a little for a couple of years.”
"A couple of years of pain. See, you just withdrew and never said anything to mom, dad, or me. I mean, when mom-mom and pop-pop physically and verbally abused you, well..."
"But, Em. That was when I was twelve. I was just a little kid and I didn't know anything about anything."
Emma smiled and kissed her forehead. "Exactly. And now that you're fifteen, well, someting could still catch you off-guard, even now. And that's why it's important for you to have a big sister around to talk to. You're going to take some mean blows."
"Huh?"
"Taylor, you just don't understand how much of the world is full of hate. There's crazy guys out there that rape and murder little boys and girls. And there's men out there that think that being trans is a sin against God and they think they have to punish you. And the world is full of narrow minded people that are so caught up in pain themselves, that they have to inflict it on you. I have to be here to help you 'cause if anything were to happen to you, well, I would never be able to forgive myself."
"So you're Frankenstein."
"What?"
"Sure. Dr. Frankenstein build the monster and the world was so blind they missed the whole point of his experiment."
"Whole point? What whole point?"
"Dr. Frankenstein created life. He was able to bring a dead heart back to life. Imagine if they had given him a prize instead of chasing him out of town. Imagine what the world would be like if we had used his science to help people."
"Taylor, you do understand that it was a novel. All that was fiction."
"Emma, let's face it. I'm fiction, too. I'm a boy who's sure that he's a girl. I've been that way forever, but there are no girl parts inside me. This is just all in my head."
"So?"
"Well, you know, Emma. Some of those hateful people could be right. They could just say that I'm mentally ill."
"Taylor, my sweet sister. That is a very negative approach to take. Nothing good will come out of that thinking. I don't think you're mentally ill. I don't think that what you believe is something wrong or some delusion."
"Well, we agree that I'm not mentally ill and I'm not delusional, but, you don't need to hold my hand. Seriously, I am going to be fine."
Emma patted her head. “Yep, I hear you. You were an okay brother but you’re a great sister.”
Taylor laughed. “Woof. Woof. I’m not a dog.”
Emma tickled her ear. “Right. That would make it so easy. We could just buy you a pink collar and get you a new bed to sleep on. You could even sleep on my apartment floor in Newark.”
Taylor giggled. “You do say the sweetest things, Shorty.” She patted her sister on her head.
“Shorty? Taylor Johnson, I'll have you know that five-foot-six is a very respectable height. Unlike all the rest of my family, I'm the normal one. I'm not freakishly tall like the rest of you. When they regular people revolt, I will stand in front of the mob and save the three of you.”
Taylor laughed, then stuck her tongue out. “Nah. That's not going to happen. There's going to be awards given out to the people who can reach the top shelf. And I read the rules, too. Every family is allowed to have one runt. And in your case, you will be spared and not drowned in a burlap bag. But, you’ll have to marry someone tall to keep the gene pool going. Don’t leave it up to me. Once I start all these pills, all my sperms will die off and get out of my body. Then my reproduction days will be over. No more boy juice, no more tall babies.”
Emma shook her head. “Well, little sister. I’ve been doing some reading too, thank you. Before they start you on testosterone blockers and kill all the male stuff in your bloodstream, you can head over to the sperm bank and donate some samples to freeze.”
Taylor shook her head. “Seriously. That sounds like science fiction to me. But, what would be the purpose in doing that? Even after I become totally female with a vagina, I can never get pregnant. This would have to be a fantasy where they transplant an entire reproductive system between my legs. But, you know. That idea brings a tear to my brain. I'm like Pinocchio dreaming to become a real girl. Oh, my God.”
Emma laughed. “Well, we can't always get what we want. But, I think your future is to live the life of a woman. Maybe it won't be perfect, but you're going to be blessed with pretty much a great life. But, back to your sperm. Your little defrosted sperms can get a woman pregnant to carry your baby. All you and Andrew have to do is find a willing subject to be a surrogate. Then, you could be Andrew's wife and have a baby, too. Or you could have more than one baby using your sprem.”
Taylor thought about that. “That is way too weird to think about. But, how cool would it be to raise a baby with Andrew?"
Emma hugged her. "I love a good fairy tale. But, fifteen year old princesses do not raise babies. Molly and Rich would freak."
Taylor laughed and hugged her sister back. "But I will ask the doctor about that sample thing. I know this sounds stupid, but how do they collect my sperm? Do they have to use a needle or something?”
“No, doofus! You’d ejaculate your sperm into a tube to be frozen. They’d thaw out your swimmers and mix them up with an egg. Once the egg is impregnated, it’s placed inside a womb for nine months. Then, boom. A baby is born and you’d be a parent.
“So my boy stuff will have an opportunity to be put to good use before it gets flipped inside out. I watched those videos. They are pretty crazy. That is way too bizarre to even think about.”
As she thought about masturbating, her mind drifted to her Andrew. The last time she’d had an orgasm, she was under Andrew out on a blanket at the Rock Manor Golf course. She grinned and wondered if he would like to reenact that moment somewhere she could collect a sample. She realized how stupid that sounded. First, Andrew can never see her boy parts or her naked. New Taylor was a girl, and Taylor was in love with her Pittsburgh boyfriend. It was simple. She was a girl, and that had to be that way.
She imagined going into a doctor's office and making a sample. Taylor had never loved her body and what was between her legs was her biggest disappointment because it reminded her of what she really was. And she'd woke up from wet dreams where it was obvious that she'd ejaculated, but it was not a conscious effort. When she and Andrew had been fooling around, she had an orgasm. It was sensational but that night, she still faced the reality of how it had all happened. And now, she was supposed to pleasure herself and have an orgasm. At least now she could picture being in Andrew's arms when she did the deed.
All she puzzled over all that new information; she stared at how stuffed her closet had become since her mom had taken her shopping every day this week. Each day, they attacked stores and malls around the area, driving across the bridge to Cherry Hill to shop, too. She pointed to her closet. "Emma, do you have this many clothes? I think mom went way overboard this past week."
Emma smiled. "Okay, little sister. I have more. Probably twice as much. I have more dressers and another whole closet in my extra room. And we can take a tour of what I own if you need to borrow something."
“Seriously, Emma. At first, it was fun. But, after a while, getting undressed in a dressing room started to remind her of something hard to forget. I was feeling very self-conscious about not having a proper girl’s body.”
Emma nodded and just listened. She realized that she was ill equipped to handle really hard questions. “Did you say anything to mom?”
“I did. I finally mentioned it to our mom.”
“What did you say?”
“I told her I’m feeling very self-conscious about my boy body inside all these pretty things. And I told her that I’d feel so much better if the clothes fit me properly.”
Taylor remembered what his mother had said and shared it with Emma. She remembered how Mom laughed, then whispered. “You’ll get tired of hearing this phrase, but when I was your age, our bodies were just about the same. I was flat-chested and lacked a booty, too. And all of a sudden out of nowhere, I was being dressed by designers and their seamstresses. They looked at my stick-figured body all day long and no one ever said a word.. I was just as embarrassed as you feel, except everyone was looking at me.”
Taylor looked at her mom. “How’d you handle it?”
Molly shrugged. “Here’s the secret. My mother told me this. ‘You are what you are. Don’t try to be something you’re not.’ That saying has stuck with me. I’m not shapely or really beautiful. No one would stop to look at me. But I realized that the designers wanted their models to be invisible, so everyone looked at their clothing. Honey, you need to just relax and smile. And that should be easy. Since the Other Taylor has come back to life, you’ve been smiling a lot.”
Taylor remembered nodding at her mother’s advice. She knew she had a pretty face and enjoyed smiling. But still didn’t want to be a freak. “I just hate the idea of being a freak and have everyone laughing at me.”
“You’re only a freak if you think you are. I see a cute fifteen-year-old girl who looks very pretty in her dresses and skirts. We can buy you some padding and shapers if you're worried about your body. But, seriously, you need to just take a deep breath.”
Taylor suddenly was interested. She was wearing a padded bra and it didn’t seem like a handicap. “What kind of pads?”
“We can shop for serious breast prosthetics and there are Spanks to give you a waistline. And there are padded panties that will increase your booty and hips. And I think we should go ahead and buy them. And that way, you can wear them until you realize that no one is passing judging on you or cares what your butt looks like.”
Taylor nodded. “I want those things. I need to feel confident.”
Her mother nodded. “And we will get you whatever you want. Let’s go look.”
After a while, Taylor felt like she was having an out-of-body experience. Wearing the pads gave her a more shapely figure, but she also felt like she was trying to be what she wasn’t. When her mom questioned her, Taylor came to a halt and stopped. She’d been trying on jeans.
“I don’t know. I feel like I’m faking it with these pads. I mean, look at me. Those skinny jeans look sexy with a butt and hips. And having a smaller waist completes the look. But, at the same time, I’m being a big phony.”
Her mom nodded. “Okay. Jeans are a great example. There are many styles and cuts of jeans. And you can look very nice in jeans that don’t depend on sexy figures. Take the pads off while I go out on the floor and find you some different styles.”
After several tries, they found jeans that looked good on her without making her look like she was inflated. Taylor stared in the mirror. “I like these. They’re soft and comfortable, and I’m not telling a lie. You are right. I don’t need to wear tight-assed jeans to show off my booty. That wouldn’t be me, anyway. But, what’s Andrew going to say?”
Her mom, Molly, laughed. “Oh, baby. Your Andrew is so totally mesmerized by you. He won’t even know what color your jacket is. He only sees you, not something fake.
Taylor was telling Emma about her shopping as she stared at her closet stuffed with her new purchases. “Emma, Mom really freaked me out. We were shopping yesterday morning, and she said I should be thinking about back-to-school clothes. That’s not for two months and I’m having trouble picturing new Taylor walking in the halls at the high school.”
Emma was nodding. “Well, you’re right. You’ve got two months to get comfortable inside your full time skin. And seriously, it’s not like you’re wearing dresses and makeup to school each day. Mascara and lip stain is all you are going to wear. Seriously, all your friends will be there to support you.”
“Well, I don’t know. New Taylor’s going to have to work on making some girlfriends.”
“How about the girls from the mall the other day? They seemed pretty friendly.”
“Uh-huh. That’s where I’m going to start. I'm going to call Tiffany, Julie, and Meredith later today and see if I can't get a trip to the mall going."
"Well, if you want someone to drive you there and back, let me know. I can drive mom to work and then use her car."
"Yeah, that's another thing. Mom has been skipping work to spend time with me. Is that going to be okay?"
"Sure. Mom sees you as a priority and well, it's her way of supporting you."
Taylor took a deep breath. "I love you, Emma. But, I'm trying not to be selfish here and demanding that everyone change their lives for me. That's not good."
"We all love you, kiddo. Everyone is happy that you're happy. And now, back to making new friends and preparing for Sepetember."
Taylor involuntarily shivered. "Yeah. That’s going to be interesting. I really don’t know any girl things.”
Emma laughed. “Hmm. There’s not a lot of mystery there. Just hang with us and watch. The Musketeers will be happy to let you pal around. We should have another group date. Once you realize there's nothing to it. I’m sure you’ll see.”
Taylor wiped her eyes and nodded.
Emma smiled. Her newborn sister was having trouble handling everything thrown at her. Earlier in the day, Emma had sought out their mom and found her in her office.
“Hey, Mom. I really want to help Taylor in any way I can. I was hoping to just talk to her and answer all the what-if questions I had gone through when I was heading to high school. Is that going to be all right?”
Her mom surprised her, squeezing her tight. “Oh, that would be so wonderful. I think she’ll talk to you about a lot of things that she wouldn’t share with me. That’s great!”
And now, the two of them lay there on Taylor’s bed and just talked.
Emma tried to soothe her nerves but not lie to her. “Without a doubt, heading out to high school will be a hurdle. It’s high school, and you’re facing lots of changes. Middle school is over, and while you’ll see all your friends, high school is much bigger. There’s going to be lots of new people. And the school will have new rules. And all your friends will be struggling to adjust just like you.”
Taylor frowned. “Okay. But, I have an extra problem. I am sure the rumor mill is already busy talking about the trans girl, and probably everyone will want to see me for themselves. I think I need a big sign around my neck that says, ‘Uh-huh. That’s me. I’m the freak!”
Emma laughed. “You have no clue. Seriously, you look so normal, so girl-next-door. I think all those who are looking for you to stand out will be sorely disappointed. You just don’t have horns or a mustache.”
Taylor shook her head. “But, well, I really am not ready for that.”
Emma nodded. “And now that all the truths have been spoken, I just want to be the helping older sister. After all, you were just born in June, and I want to be there for you.”
Of course, that only made Taylor cry. She’d been doing that a lot lately. “I love you, but everything is going to be fine.”
Emma liked to remind her that Other Taylor had decided to leave Old Taylor behind and come out as transgender right after school ended. It was all about her first date with Andrew.
Until that date with Andrew, Taylor had never heard the term transgender or hormones or suppressors. She just thought she was a boy who was more comfortable in girl’s clothes. And she knew that boy was praying to become a girl.
She soon found out that she could stop praying and start becoming proactive. Taylor was excited to be able to be who she felt she was meant to be. It was going to be an action-packed summer.
She looked forward to spending time with Andrew.
“Emma, what do you think I should be doing about Andrew?”
Emma smiled and kissed her forehead. “Welcome to puppy love, honey.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Oh, my God! That boy is so in love with you. I know he’d do anything in the world to please you!”
Taylor smiled. “Oh, I feel the same way. I love to be in love.”
Emma grinned. “Enjoy it. I hope you have a chance to step back from yourself and see the big picture.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, how should I put it? Okay. Right now, the sun rises and sets with him, which is so wonderful. And I’m not telling you to do anything your heart and brain don’t tell you. I think you should enjoy everything that is happening to you. But…”
Taylor was listening and waiting. “But, what?”
“Well, I know you’re smart and will make good decisions. But, sometimes, your heart speaks so loudly that your brain is drowned out. I’ll give you an example. There’s this girl who was in my classes at school. And she fell in love with this older guy. So Mallory thought that she and Riley were soul mates. I think she would have given up her life for him.”
Taylor sat up and faced her sister. She was listening and wondering how this was about her and Andrew.
“So, Riley lived at home and worked for this landscaping company. He was hot looking with a tan, sun-bleached blonde hair, and lots of muscles. You know, the whole package.”
Taylor was trying to picture this.
“When Mallory turned sixteen, her parents tried to control who she saw and what she did. Riley had this car and would come by to pick her up. He’d sit in the car and beep the horn. He expected Mallory to come to him. I heard that her parents were not happy. So, they made an ultimatum that she needed to stop dating this guy or they’d send her away to boarding school in Switzerland.”
“That’s crazy. Switzerland! Oh, wow!”
“Uh-huh. And that’s when she and Riley ran away. They never came home one night and just kept driving. I heard there was no plan, just reacting. Riley did love her, too. But he was almost twenty-one.”
“What happened?”
“Parents freaked and called the cops. When the cops heard all the details, they saw it as a kidnapping. And the two of them were picked up the next night in Pennsylvania.”
Taylor saw a movie in her mind. She was having trouble reminding herself that it was all real.
“Mallory was returned, and Riley was charged for kidnapping and taking a minor over a state line. He was also charged with rape because they were found sleeping together on a blanket in a State Park.”
Taylor was trying to understand everything.
“Mallory’s parents sent her to boarding school, and once she was away decided to drop all the charges against Riley. But, by the time all that happened, Riley had spent three months in jail.”
“Jeez. Did anything good come of it?”
“Well, kinda. While Mallory was in Europe going to school, Riley came over and apologized to her parents. Evidently, he’d grown a brain while he sat in a cell.”
“This is like a movie. But I want a happy ending.”
“Mallory’s parents could relax because Riley and Mallory weren’t together. So, they became cool with Riley. And Riley enrolled in Community College.”
“Happy ending?”
“Yeah. But the two of them didn’t get married or all that good stuff. Riley found someone else in school, and well, Mallory kinda grew up, too. Friends but no happily ever after.”
“Well, at least nobody died. But, what’s this got to do with me?”
“I know that the sun rises and sets with William. And I say enjoy the ride, the highs, and the total experience. At fifteen, this is a good thing. You haven’t been rejected, and no one has tried to hurt you. But, I think you should stay off Social Media.”
“Why?”
“Oh, lots of reasons. There’s a lot of body shaming and hurtful talk. There are put-downs, and being trans opens up many opportunities for crazies to seek you out just to hurt. And all that is not healthy.”
“Okay. I really can see that. And I don’t think anyone will cross the street just to say nice things about me. Even Old Taylor got criticized ‘cause our parents had nice things. And, let’s face it. Old Taylor really wasn’t much of a guy. I heard some bad words and got pushed into the lockers. Everyone just assumed that Old Taylor was gay.”
“What did ya’ do?”
Taylor shook her head. She was wearing hoops in her ears today and liked it when they bumped her cheeks. “Nothing. Ignored it. Turned the other cheek.”
“Well, I think that’s smart. I know you’re smart, and now you are a babe. But being cute is going to confuse a lot of guys at your school. They’re going to see a pretty girl that they know was born male, and they’re going to get confused. You’ll excite boys who don’t want to be gay, and it will make them angry.”
Taylor nodded. “Mom is signing me up for some self-defense lessons. You think that’s good?”
Emma laughed. “There are many guys whose noses I wanted to punch or arms I’d like to have broken. And don’t tell mom or dad, but I kneed this guy when he was trying to kiss me in the hall. He was doing it to collect a bet, and I knew he was trying to complete a list of ten girls in school he’d kissed. Well, I saw him coming, and well, he must have run into my legs. Gosh, Principal Raymond, it was totally my fault and just an accident.”
They both were laughing.
“Okay. I hear you. And before I do anything crazy, I will come to you. And when I learn karate, I will protect you, too.”
They were laughing so hard that they didn’t hear their mom coming up the steps. Molly stood in the doorway, listening to her girls giggling and laughing together. She was smiling inside and out. She couldn’t remember the last time Taylor laughed like that. She sighed.
When the girls realized their mom was standing there, they turned and smiled. Molly looked at Taylor and spoke. “Get your phone out, honey. I need you to block out Tuesday afternoon. We have a date with a photographer.”
Taylor did what she was told but was puzzled. “Okay. What’s it for?”
Molly smiled. “We are headed up to Philly. There’s a photographer there who’s going to shoot your book.”
Taylor looked puzzled. She turned to Emma for guidance, and she just shrugged. “What’s a book?”
“You’re new friend, Marj called. She and I talked, and I think it will be a good exercise for you. The photographer will take a lot of photos, and then they present you with seven or eight of the best shots. It’s called your book. It’s your presentation portfolio. Modeling.”
Taylor looked pained. “Mom, I don’t know if I want to do that. I mean, I’m not feeling too ready. And I don’t like fooling people.”
Molly smiled. “Included in your book will be a biography. You’ll be able to write whatever you want there. You can say that you’re a trans teen. After all, what did Marj say when you told her you were trans?”
Taylor couldn’t help but smile. “She said that nobody is perfect. But…”
Her mom sat on the bed and hugged her. “You can decide what you want, but you aren’t going to stay locked up and hidden away. You must stand up on your own two feet and be proud of who you are. We love you and are here to support you.
Taylor wasn’t convinced. “What kind of pictures?”
“Headshots and full body shots. They need to see you.”
“I’m not getting naked.”
“No. But you will be wearing a two-piece bathing suit. Fifteen-year-old girls do not pose in lingerie.”
“Mom, no. I’ve got a boy’s body.”
“Right. I will be back in a few minutes.”
After she left the room, Taylor stared at Emma. “What should I do? she whispered.
Emma shook her head and shrugged. She leaned over and whispered back. “No clue. Nobody wants pigmy models.”
Molly came back with several spiral notebooks. She sat on the bed and opened the first one. “Okay, so this is my first book. My first five pages are what you’re going to have.”
The girls looked at their mom’s photos. Emma was the first to speak. “Oh, my God. You look just like mom!”
Dear Reader,
Wildcat Summer is available on Amazon.com
https://www.amazon.com/Wildcat-Summer-Leslie-Moore-ebook/dp/...
There are many chapters to read in the sample
Leslie
This is the third chapter of the sequel to the novel Taylor, which was published as a Kindle book. All the proceeds from Taylor and Taylor, Too! are for BigCloset. I hope you take the time to read this and tell me what you think. As always, I appreciate constructive criticism. I think it only makes the story better. I am writing this one chapter at a time, so your imput is important in making this a better book.
Chapter Three
After she got off the phone with Meredith, Taylor got ready to call Andrew. They were going to FaceTime. She was looking forward to this call and couldn’t stop thinking about her boyfriend. This was all just so crazy. Everything had been going at lightning speed since her first date.
But, then, her phone rang. It was Julie. Taylor took a deep breath and smiled. Then she opened her phone and lay back down on her bed.
“Hi, Julie. How are you?”
“I’m great, Taylor. I just got off the phone with Meredith and she says you’re going to come to my house and hang with us at the pool. That is so great!”
“Well, that’s kind of you to invite me. I’m really looking forward to catching up.”
“Catching up, right? We have a lot of catching up to do. I’m happy you want to be part of the gang again. And after seeing you at the mall with your new boyfriend, well, so cool. I can’t believe have nice you looked. And I’m not surprised that the modeling company came over and talked to you. You are perfect.”
Taylor laughed out loud. “Perfect? As in having a skinny boy body with no curves? I think that I’m perfectly hideous.”
“Nah. I’m sure you’ll get your girl body eventually. I looked up trans and scrolled through YouTube. There’s lots of pretty beautiful trans women there. And some of them are models and movie stars. And, I’ll be able to say I knew Taylor long before she started her transition.”
“Julie, thank you for understanding.”
“No, seriously, Taylor. This is the twenty-first century and all that good stuff is out there waiting for you. And, I remember you always being so nice wearing your Halloween costumes to school and wanting to play with the girls. You were always so sweet.”
“Thank you. It’s all been kinda crazy here.”
“Yeah. But you gotta tell me everything. What’s with your boyfriend?”
“Andrew? Well, he’s so great. I never had these kinds of feelings for anyone, and now I’m in love with a real live person.”
“I hear you. But, you can’t tell me you never crushed on anyone.”
“Well, sure. I’ve always had a crush on Darla and Abby, Emma’s friends. But that was different. There are so many differences between my love for the girls and Andrew. First, they’re my sister’s best friends, truly standing by each other faithfully forever. Second, they’ve always been so kind to me. Those two never made me feel bad about wanting to dress up and be a girl. They saw my need and always treated me with love and respect. And Third, they spent the whole day helping release Other Taylor as they got me ready for my first date. As the two of them helped, they gave me the confidence to get all dressed up . They both coaxed me to break through and bring out the Other Taylor, who had been sleeping for too many years.”
“Oh, wow! You’re so lucky!”
“Really? You think I’m lucky?”
“Sure. You’ve got a great sister and it sounds like her friends really love you, too. I hope we can be great friends like that. But, tell me how it all happened. I love the details!”
“You’re not laughing at me, are you?”
“Hardly! Maybe I’m jealous of how much love surrounds you.”
“Well, it does seem crazy. And, once the girls helped let Other Taylor loose, that’s when everything magic really started happening.”
“So, your old boy Taylor is the one you’ve been hiding in for the past couple of years, right?”
“Right. We figured out that I’d been abused when I was twelve about being trans and it turned me around. I guess I retreated and tried to be a boy.”
“Uh-huh. We all know that. You went from a happy girly to a very quiet, withdrawn boy. We really missed you. So, you’re Other Taylor now?”
“Yeah, confusing, huh? Old Taylor was trying hard to be a boy and was failing miserably. Other Taylor is really me, a trans girl.”
“Okay. I get it. So, Other Taylor is here to stay?”
“Oh, yeah. No more going back.”
“So, tell me about your big date and meeting your hunky boyfriend.”
“Well, Darla and Abby helped me get all pretty on Saturday. So I got all ready to go out on a movie date with a sixteen-year-old cousin of Darla’s boyfriend. But, this guy was a lug who was all sad and despondent over being forgotten by his parents and so caught up in himself that he was ignoring me. Me, who had worked so hard to be convincing and good enough; well, I got angry. Suddenly, I had been worrying so much about being accepted, well, I guess I kinda lost it and spoke up.”
“Oh, wow! That’s crazy! What happened then?”
“Well,I guess I forgot about myself and started reasoning with this guy and tried to talk some sense helping him lose his bad attitude. The big doofus finally started listening.”
“Wow. Then what happened?”
“Well, I guess he started to wake up and look right at me. I think he thought a real girl was taking her time to help him. And when he realized he had a fifteen-year-old to thank, he got turned around and couldn’t have been nicer.”
“That’s so sweet. How’d that make you feel?”
“Well, I hope you don’t laugh, but, well, I fell head over heels for Andrew, and was shocked when he was feeling the same way about me. And it was all magic because I discovered that I was real, not a just a fantasy.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Well, up until that day, I thought that my girl part, who I’d always thought of as Other Taylor was a make-believe dream. Until that night, I never realized that I was trans. I never even knew what trans was. But, once I really understood who I was, well, I sent the boy side of me packing, hopefully never to return. And since then, I’ve happily come out and shared my self-discovery with everyone I know.”
“Wow, what a story! And I can’t wait to hear more when you come to my house. And stop worrying about us. We are going to be best friends.”
“Thank you, Julie. I’m going to start crying now ‘cause you’ve made me so happy inside.”
“Bye, Taylor. You are a real girl to me.”
“Thank you, Julie. I’m really crying now.”
Taylor disconnected and wiped the happy tears from her eyes. So much love filled her heart. Her sister had become her biggest cheerleader. And her mom and dad proudly stood up for her. Taylor knew that she’d always loved Abby and Darla, but now she loved Andrew even more. He was dreamy. He knew she was trans and loved her more.
She still wanted to talk, so she text him and started a FaceTime connection. As she did, she thought of how things had changed in her house. New Rules!
A lot of new rules had happened since she came out. Her parents were treating her like a regular fifteen-year-old girl. So, one new rule was no boys, including Andrew, Steven, and Tommy, were allowed on her floor where she had her bedroom and game room. Until this weekend, she, Tommy, and Steven always hung out together between her bedroom and her game room. No one had second thoughts about lying on the bed together or crowding on the couch. But now that she was a trans girl, things were totally different.
And now, her game center had to come downstairs. Another new rule was she had to be supervised when she was with a boy. And Taylor had a hard time understanding this. Why would she want to kiss Tommy or Steven? Ugh, Tommy? Steven? C’mon, they were her best friends and also approved of trans Taylor. The idea of kissing either one was too strange to think about. But her parents made an absolute rule about boys since Taylor was now a trans girl.
Taylor would have loved to have Andrew up on her bed. They could have spent hours lying there, just talking and touching. Taylor knew it wouldn’t happen, but Andrew was an excellent boyfriend and so understanding.
Taylor’s latest fantasy was that her fairy godmother would change her into a real girl. She pictured herself lying naked with Andrew by her side. Taylor imagined that she had turned into a genetically perfect teen and now she was all over Andrew. She saw herself climbing on top of his prone body. She had a vision of feeling his strong muscles as she snaked up over him. She couldn’t hold back as she was hugging and kissing her. It was just Saturday night on the golf course, except they were both naked.
And, in her fantasy, Andrew was fantastic about making love to her. Slowly, they had removed all their clothes and touched and nibbled every part of each other’s bodies. Taylor pictured herself having to shush him as he moaned passionately as she kissed him everywhere. And she couldn’t stop giggling. But, as their passion grew, a volcano went off in her head and body. She gasped, moaned, and had this fantastic feeling she’d never had ever before. She was biting Andrew’s fingers as he tried to keep her quiet.
After that, she could see them lying together on top of their sheets. They were holding each other, just enjoying the bliss that their sex together had created. Taylor was swooning just being in Andrew’s arms.
And, of course, in this fantasy, everyone in her family was somewhere in the house. And no one seemed to notice that Taylor had become a genetic female and had the most beautiful sex with her boyfriend. It was like it was all normal day, but obviously, everything was now perfect.
They’d just made passionate love, and when they were done, Andrew had asked her to marry him. Now, they just touched each other all over, happily kissing. They would go downstairs together, and Taylor would announce that Andrew had just proposed to her. She would show off her ring, looking so lovely on her perfect hand with perfect fingernails. Everyone would ooh and ah.
In her dream, Taylor was a real woman. She would become Andrew’s wife, and they would have beautiful children together. Taylor would be a beaming mother as she toted two kids in a carriage to the park and back. And when Andrew got home, she’d have changed into a beautiful dress, fixed her hair and makeup, and their beautiful children were all waiting to hug their daddy.
“Hey.”
Andrew’s voice brought her out of her fantasy. Taylor was brought out of her daydream by the sound of his voice as he connected with FaceTime.
Suddenly, they were talking, and she looked at her future husband on her computer screen. Andrew was the most beautiful man in the world, and he loved her. She wondered what he would say if she told him about her real girl fantasy. He’d probably think she was mental.
Taylor took a deep breath and tried to be cool. “Hey, yourself. Whatcha’ doing?”
“Reading. I got my reading list for next year's AP English class. I have five books to read this summer and ordered them the other day. So they just arrived from Amazon an hour ago. I just started cracking the first one.”
“What’s it called?”
“Catcher In The Rye. I just started it, but it’s cool. It’s all about a kid, kinda rebellious.”
“Uh-huh. I know. I read it.”
“Wait. Seriously? How’s a fifteen-year-old girl already reading high school books? I mean, are you reading them in school already? I thought I went to a prep school that was pretty advanced.”
Taylor laughed. “My mom always buys me a pile of books to read every year. She picks out great books, so I just keep reading. Sometimes we talk about them at dinner.”
“So, we can talk about Catcher In The Rye when I finish it?”
“Of course. We can even read books together. You can bring your book over here, and I can read one of mine. Even my parents would approve of us reading together.”
“Uh, that would be great to hang out with you. Speaking of parents, mine called this morning.”
“Wow, that’s great. Where are they?”
“I think they’re in Rome, but I’m not sure. My mom did all the talking and breezed through their itinerary. I just listened ‘cause I already had a copy of the flight plans my dad made up. After Rome, they are doing a mad tour of all of Italy and Greece. She talked about the museums and the restaurants. And she mentioned my cousin’s parents, too. It sounds like everyone is having a good time.”
“Are you still jealous of not going on a vacation with your parents? Does that still make you sad?”
“Well, I was really upset until I met you. I was all bummed out because they had just struck me here in Delaware with my cousin. And nobody ever thought to ask me like I needed a babysitter. But, now I’d swap spending time hanging out with parents with you anytime. I just wish we could be together more. Oh yeah, and I mentioned you to my mom.”
“Really. What did you say?”
“That I met this girl I’ve got a crush on, and she’s terrific."
“Seriously? Did you give them any details?”
“A few. I described you and told them about our date to the movies and how we had chaperones with your older sister’s friends. Oh, yeah. And I mentioned you were fifteen.”
“That’s all?”
“Sure. They don’t need to know anything else. Too much information, right? They don’t need to know your shoe size.”
“Nine and a half, narrow.”
“I’m writing this down so when I buy you your glass slippers for the ball they will be a perfect fit. Seriously, when they come back through the Wilmington Airport and before they head back to Pittsburgh, they really need to meet you. I know they’ll love you as much as I do.”
Taylor was trying to digest meeting parents who approved of their son being gay. She wondered what they’d say if they knew that she was trans? And could a gay boy love a trans girl forever?
Then Andrew’s voice brought her back to Earth. “So, what’s up? How are things going, and when can I come over to visit?”
“Everything is goin’ okay, but it kinda feels crazy over here. Everything is moving so fast. Mom is about to start this doctor's process for me. Tomorrow, she’s set up an appointment with the lab for blood work. And then I have a doctor’s appointment in the morning with my old pediatrician. That doctor has to okay that I’m healthy enough to start taking medication for my transition. Then, I’m going to a dojo to buy my karate gear for my self-defense course. I’ll be ready to defend myself against trolls, and just in case you try to pin me or something like that. Or maybe, I’m going to learn how to pin you.”
“Taylor, I'm here and ready anytime you want to practice karate or judo on me. Course, if I pin you, I rule. You’ll have to do whatever I want.”
“Andrew, then, I might just lose on purpose. Maybe I want to do whatever you want.”
Taylor heard Andrew’s breathing. It had become deeper and sounded labored. She immediately panicked, thinking that she had upset him. “Uh, did I say the wrong thing?”
Andrew was still breathing loudly. “No. No. It’s just that I still remember what it was like fooling around on the golf course with you that night.” He sighed and let out a breath. “Picturing our date inside my head has been the best part of staying here with my cousin. I can still smell your perfume; it was heaven for me. Now, compare that to hanging around my sweaty cousin. I don’t think the guy showers very much. He stinks of bad breath and sweat. Bradley is still a jerk. But he’s never here, so it’s okay.”
Taylor tried to picture Darla seeing her boyfriend in that state and wondered if she liked him all stinky and sweaty. “Where’s he go?”
Andrew snorted. “Oh, he’s all about his friends, and they’ve got cars, so they’re always going somewhere. And with his parents gone, he’s all about just cruising. He’s gross and coarse in talking about people and even his girlfriend. These guys aren’t real gentlemen. Well, I think I would stay in a hotel if he wasn't my cousin.”
“Sounds kinda gross.”
Taylor wondered if she should share her fantasies with Andrew about them rolling around on top of the covers. She kept that to herself since they’d have to discuss naked bodies.
Andrew laughed. “But, they have plans to take everybody to the beach this weekend. And Bradley said that would include us, too. Would you go with me if they got the van and the driver? Bradley said we could tag along.”
“Uh. Well…. Andrew, do you really want to see me at the beach?”
“What’s wrong? Don’t you want to go with me? I thought you’d get excited.”
“Oh, Andrew, sure. The idea of going anywhere with you sounds great. But I have this problem.”
“What’s wrong?”
Taylor momentarily flashed on having to wear a bathing suit on Thursday to Julie’s pool. She wondered how Tiffany and the others would act around her when she appeared wearing a girl’s bathing suit. After all, they’d known Taylor for a long time. But, while Taylor dressed up all-girl occasionally in elementary school and sometimes wore her Halloween costumes when they were in Middle School, she’d never appeared full-time as female. Nor did she ever appear wearing next to nothing.
And now that she was living an all-female life, she would have to face what all the time really meant. It was a wonderful feeling to finally be free of all the weight holding her down, but she was nervous about everything, too. She felt like she was floating all the time. But, Taylor wondered if being female with boy parts, especially in a very revealing bathing suit that would get wet, would work out. All she could imagine was a disaster.
Suddenly, Taylor was dreaming a fantasy. Everyone was under the same magic spell of thinking of Taylor as real until they saw what was between her legs. Then, she envisioned the magic spell cracking and the sky would turn black. Everyone would suddenly see her in the actual light of day as the make-believe world crashed around her. Instead of a cute fifteen-year-old girl, the curtains would be pulled back on her skinny, naked boy body.
Taylor pictured the sounds of laughter and all her friends making faces. No one would be laughing with her but at her. Suddenly, she would be scorned, and her world would collapse. Just picturing all of this happening made Taylor quiver and shake.
She blinked her eyes to get the nightmare out of her head. “Uh, sure. You know I’d go anywhere with you, Andrew. And that would be great. It’s just that being all undressed in a bathing suit, well, I can’t see it working.
“And speaking of the beach, one of the things I have on my list is to go shopping for a swimsuit. I’ve never owned a girl’s bathing suit, which will be a big thing. Remember the girls you met at the mall?”
“Sure, I remember. They like you.”
“No, Andrew. They liked you. Meredith couldn’t stop talking about you.”
“Uh-huh. Well, if they’re your friends, that’s good, right?”
“Yeah. But back to this bathing suit thing. I’m having a tough time about that.”
“Why?”
“Well, you’ve always seen me when I have clothes on. But I have this sad, skinny body that doesn’t measure up. And now, I have to confront that head-on. I need to face who I am and deal with it.
Andrew hesitated. “Uh. I don’t want to sound crude or anything, but can we talk about this some other time? Thinking about you in a bathing suit is starting to get me excited, and well, that’s hard for me to concentrate.”
Taylor winced. “Sure. I hear you. But I don’t think my skinny body will turn anybody on.” She took a deep breath and finally blurted it out. “And then I have the issue of having to tuck myself, so my boy parts stay hidden.”
“Uh, Taylor, you’re overthinking this. I’m sure you’ll be able to figure that out. You will find many suggestions for hiding your boy parts on YouTube. They have just about everything on there.”
“How’d you know that?”
“Well, I told you that my friend is trans. She’s shared that kind of stuff with me. I know she uses surgical tape, and her biggest complaint was to make sure she shaves closely so it doesn’t hurt when the tape comes off.”
Taylor took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. Tears had been forming in her eyes. Between her nightmare and her anxiety, she was ready to cry. She tried to talk, but it came out as a sob. “Andrew, you’re amazing. And here I was, worried about talking with you about all that. Listening to you makes me feel so much better. Maybe it’s not a big deal, and I should watch YouTube. Thanks.”
“Well, Taylor, let’s face it. It’s important to you, and that’s all that counts. I want to be your number-one helper. After all, for a good relationship, we’ve gotta be honest with each other. Let’s make a rule, Taylor. No secrets. I want to know everything you’re thinking about and be the most important person in your life. I know you’re trans, and it’s a big deal for you. And I know every new thing is scary because you’re just coming out. But, you gotta remember that I came out as gay when I was fourteen. The best thing was that I was tall and strong. Anyone who thought about teasing me, well, they had to look me in the face. And it’s tough to say mean things to someone like me. Those trolls had trouble looking up at a big guy who was not smiling. I guess I scared some people into keeping their mouths shut. But I’ve heard it all. And I want to protect you and keep you safe. I don’t want you to think that some of those bad things trolls say are real. I’m here to stand by you.”
Taylor was crying. She was staring at Andrew, and he was saying the most loving and beautiful words she’d ever heard. “oh, thank you. I am falling more in love with you every day.”
“Good bye, Taylor. Just remember you’re the most important person in my life, too.”
Later on, Taylor got back on the computer and went on YouTube. She Googled how to tuck and watched at least four videos from different trans women on what they do. She was most impressed with one product that she could buy online. But, until she could order that product, she went and found her mom.
“Hey, mom. I have a question.”
“Sure, honey. What do you need?”
“Do you have any surgical tape here at home?”
“Sure. I have several rolls in our first aid kit. Do you want some?”
“Uh, yeah.” Taylor was feeling very embarrassed and knew she was bright red. Her face felt hot.
“Science experiment?”
“Uh, yeah. Except I’m the experiment. If I’m going to a pool party, and Andrew’s cousin might be taking everybody to the beach this weekend, well, I’m really self-conscious about my boy parts.”
Taylor saw her mom blush, too.
“Well, sure. And as a doctor, maybe I can help you. As long as you remember that your genitals are going to someday become your female parts if you decide to have sexual reassignment surgery. So, you don’t want to hurt anything down there.”
“What’s that mean, mom?”
“Mutilation. I don’t want you harming yourself by trying to castrate yourself in frustration. I get it, and I’m just here to help.”
Taylor felt tears roll down her face as he tightly squeezed her mom’s neck. “Oh, God. I was so frightened to say anything, but I was talking to Andrew, and he knows a trans girl who uses tape. Andrew recommended that I go to YouTube.
“Did you learn anything?”
“Yeah. There’s this company where I can buy a kit, and until then, I can use medical tape. And that will pretty much cover me up, so nothing shows.”
“You must remember that if you tape your penis and your testicles tightly up to your body, you’ll need to pee once in a while.”
“Yeah. And I need to make sure I don’t have any hairs that would get caught on the tape.”
“Oh, you’ll find the hairs all right. If you miss any, they will let you know. Now, do you want to practice? I can put on my gloves and play doctor.”
“Mom, you are a doctor.”
“Yeah, that, too. Let me get our first aid kit, and you go get a razor and check for hairs. You will have to lose your sense of modesty anyway. With all your doctors, everyone will look between your legs as you go through your life.”
“Ugh. I hate this.”
“Yeah, but it’s just something that a trans woman has to learn to live with whether you decide to stay pre-op for the rest of your life.”
“Why would I want that?”
“I think you must take that question to your trans women on YouTube.”
Taylor nodded. “Right.”
An hour later, Taylor was all taped up and ready to go. She had found a nice outfit that her mom had helped her pick out, and they were headed out to go shopping.
“How are you doing?”
“You mean with the tuck?”
“Yep. With the tuck.”
“Well, it’s a little uncomfortable, but there’s no pain. Everything is kinda numb. I am glad that I went to the bathroom before we started.”
“Just remember that you have tape and scissors in your bag. If you need help reapplying the tape, I can come into the bathroom and help you.”
“Thank you, mom. For everything.”
This is the fourth chapter of the sequel to the novel Taylor, which was published as a Kindle book. All the proceeds from Taylor and Taylor, Too! are for BigCloset. I hope you take the time to read this and tell me what you think. As always, I appreciate constructive criticism. I think it only makes the story better. I am writing this one chapter at a time, so your input is important in making this a better book.
Chapter Four
Four
“Mom, shopping for a bathing suit is weird. How am I supposed to know if it’ll fit if I leave my underwear on?” Taylor was following her mom into the store. It was still new to shop in stores as a girl. Even though they’d shopped several times together this week alone, filling up her closets.
Molly, her mom, smiled. “It’s for sanitary purposes, honey. You keep your cooties in your underpants, and so does anyone else who tries this same suit on.”
“Geez, that’s an incredibly gross thought! We are going to wash it before I wear it, right?” Taylor tried to imagine getting some strange disease from some unclean person trying on the same suit she’d wear. “Hey, I like this one.” She held up a one-piece in shiny blue fabric.”
Her mom grinned and nodded. “Brings out the color in your eyes. Go try it on."
Taylor sighed and went into the dressing room. She took off all her clothes except her padded bra and panty and hung them on hooks. As she pulled it on, it fit okay. It wasn’t too tight, but it squeezed in on her waist and body. She looked in the mirror and gasped. The cut was very high. It barely covered her hips and was cut high in the back. It really reminded her of a Speedo racing suit. And it really made her butt look big.
She turned and studied it. The suit was okay. It obviously showed off her long legs and boyish hips. That didn’t bother her. She tried to imagine it with no padding on top and just her flat chest showing. Taylor imagined going to Julie’s pool and decided it was best not to fake anything. It would be too artificial to wear a padded bra when everyone knew she still had a boy’s body. Taylor wondered how long it would be until the estrogen would change that. And, of course, it was up to the doctor when she could start any medication. As she stared at her body, she thought about having to tuck. Hopefully, the tucking kits they’d ordered on Amazon might arrive in time for the Thursday pool afternoon. The product was billed as waterproof.
She walked out with a smile on her face. She looked at her mother. “What do you think?”
Molly looked her over carefully. “I like it. The material gives you a very sleek shape. I like the way you look in it. Let’s buy it. Do you want to try another one?”
Taylor sighed and rolled her eyes. “Not really. All of this is stressing me out. I’m right on the point of hyperventilating or crying.”
Molly grabbed Taylor’s arm to hold her up and carefully examine her pale face. She carefully sat her down on the seat inside the dressing room. “Okay, that’s fine, but I’m going to buy you a second suit, a backup suit. Humor me.”
Taylor was trying to catch her breath and breath normally. “Mom, I think this whole suit is pushing my brain to the edge of reality. I think it’s all about coming face-to-face with my genitals all at once. I can’t help but think about them. And I’m being reminded that I live in a boy’s body, and I’ve got stuff between my legs that no fifteen-year-old girl should have. It’s okay when everything is hidden behind layers of clothing, but this suit is thin, body-hugging, and scary. I mean, it looks good. I’m not sad about my looks, but it’s really hitting me hard now. I think this is just one of those things that I have to get used to.”
Taylor tried to smile. She hoped this suit would work on both occasions if her mom and dad said she could go down to the beach for the whole day with her sister, friends, and Andrew. She was still waiting to hear from Emma to see if the entire thing was a go. All she could think about is being with her boyfriend for a whole day. It would be heaven.
Molly smiled and held up a hanger. “Okay, dear daughter. Here’s the suit I like and think will look good on you. See, it’s cut like the one you picked, except it’s got some pretty colors in the design.”
Taylor looked at it and shrugged. She was still having trouble catching her breath. She wanted to put her clothes back on and stop looking at her almost naked body. Her mom interrupted her thoughts.
“So, honey. It’s time to go. Let’s pay for these two things and head to the food court. You need something cold to drink, and I want to see if Marg is still working over at the modeling kiosk.
Taylor started feeling better as soon as she got her clothes back on. Looking in the dressing room mirror, she fluffed out her hair then smoothed it into place. She was breathing normally as they waited while her mom’s card was processed.
As the woman handed Molly her credit card, she smiled. “Boy, you can really see the resemblance between the two of you. Both of you are pretty enough to be models.”
Taylor smiled and nodded. She wasn’t used to hearing compliments from complete strangers and it made her feel naked or transparent or something weird. As much as she wanted to feel confident about carrying herself around as a young woman, it was still daunting.
Once outside the store, the two of them headed to a busy, noisy food court. They went over to the juice kiosk and Taylor got a fruit and vegetable smoothie. As she tried to take sips instead of gulps, Taylor thought about it. She went and got a water from a dispenser. As she gulped it down, the cold water helped her to calm down. After her brain was cool and she was relaxed, she could calmly sip her drink.
As she was sipping her smoothie, Taylor watched her mom head across the food court. She stood, grabbed up her bag from the store and followed her mom. She caught up to her on the other side of the Food Court, where the Barbizon displays were set up. And she smiled when she saw Marg greeting her mom.
Sure enough, Marg had a big hug for her mother. Taylor just hung back and let the two of them reminisce. Finally, after about five minutes, Marg turned and smiled at her. “Hi, Taylor. It’s good to see you standing side by side with your mom. It is really amazing how much you look like Molly. We’re going to have so much fun together.”
Taylor had just heard the same observation from a saleswoman who didn’t know she was trans. In a way, these comments were very reassuring.
Her mom turned to her. “Want to give it a try? Maybe for a couple of months before you go back to school? I don’t want to complicate the fall with too much on your plate.”
Taylor shrugged. “Really?” She was still having trouble processing the idea that a trans girl could be a model. She turned to Marg. “Do you think being trans will work out with modeling?”
Marg laughed. “There are so many LGBTQ people in our community that you will feel very comfortable. I think you’ll enjoy it, and it will give you some confidence, too.”
Molly smiled. “I agree with Marg. You’d benefit from having other people see you dressing in fashion shots. You will just have to realize that you are a pretty teenager. And it’s only going to get you more comfortable in girl mode. I don’t think you need to wait until you take medications to feel comfortable just being who you are. Maybe it will even help you with preparing to return to school in the fall, too.”
Taylor frowned at the thought of facing a new school full of strange kids. She knew she’d be on display while everyone had to see the tranny. She was so grateful that TV shows were featuring trans teens as weekly cast members so that she wouldn’t be just a freak. She looked straight at both of them. “Okay, we can try it. But we have to agree that this is a trial period. I can walk away from any commitment in a month if it doesn't work out.”
Marg frowned. “Okay. But, if you want my opinion, that might be too soon. Let’s wait to give this whole commitment thing an end date. Let’s just play it by ear. If you don’t like it, just come to me, and we’ll talk. I’m going to be more than your agent. Ask your mom. I listened a lot to her, and we learned together.”
Taylor’s mom smiled. “Marg was my first coach on how to face the real world. I was like you - young, shy, and really insecure. Marg was my momma bear and did a great job of protecting me. That’s why I have full confidence in what she says and does. She really has your best interest at heart. She knows that a happy worker is a good worker.”
Taylor nodded. “Do I get paid?”
Marg laughed. “You’re going to get paid a lot for a fifteen-year-old woman. And I’ll ensure you’ll get one hundred percent of your wages when we start. I collect twenty-five percent of your income when you get into the groove.”
Taylor looked surprised at Marg taking all of that money. She made a face.
Her mom, Molly, grabbed her arm. “Marg earns it. She does a lot for her piece of the pie. Without an agent, you really won’t get job offers. Marg made a lot of money for me. You know, modeling paid for college and medical school.”
Marg laughed and looked at Taylor. “Your mom deserted me. She would have made much more money modeling as a career than her medical practice earns. But I get it. We have to do what we want to do. And by the way, you’ll earn thousands of dollars this summer if you want to work every day. I’ve got two catalog shoots for JC Penny. And that doesn’t count weekend runway shows. Once we get you set up, you’ll be turning down work. Believe me; you will make a lot of money.”
Taylor looked pained. “I don’t want to work too much. I have a boyfriend.”
Marg laughed. “Oh, I understand. But you’re only ninety minutes from Philly and three hours from New York. That’s where we are going to concentrate on our business with you. I’m setting aside my time to be your personal mentor. Because I love your mom so much.”
Molly laughed. “Because you made so much money off of me.”
“That too, honey. But, we could have been millionaires if you’d stuck with me.”
“Millions?” Taylor was dumbfounded.
“Sure, honey. Your mom was always booked for all the big runway shows. We were in Paris, Rome, and New York every year. She was in high demand.”
Taylor tried to imagine traveling. She turned to her mom. “Will I need ID, a passport? What will I have to do?”
Her mom shook her head. “Those documents will be coming soon. Once you have satisfied a few doctors, the lawyers will follow. Getting an F on your ID is going to be a simple task. I don’t know if you’ll need a passport this summer, but we will apply. And I will make sure mine is up to date, too.”
Taylor took a deep breath and turned back to Marg. She tried on a smile. “Sure, let’s give it a try. As long as no one expects me to do anything I’m uncomfortable with, I’ll be fine.”
Marg smiled. “Welcome aboard, young lady. You’ll look back on this day and your decision with a smile. I’m going to become your favorite person.”
Taylor really wondered what was happening. She’d just bought a bathing suit that fits like a glove and showed all her body covered by a thin layer of spandex. She didn’t look bad. She did feel honest about how she looked. Just as long as the tape stayed in place between her legs.
And now, she just committed to becoming a clothing model where she’d be examined by thousands of people. She wondered what they would see and how they’d react. The worst thing would be people would find out that she’s trans and laugh at her.
While driving home from the mall, Taylor looked at her mom. “Mom, everything is traveling at light speed. Yeah, this afternoon really pushes me out of my shell pretty quickly. A few weeks ago, girl stuff was a dream or a glimmer of hope. And now, in my mind, there’s no turning back. Well, truthfully, I never want to turn back.”
Molly smiled and grabbed her younger daughter’s hand. “Just remember, when the going gets tough, it’s simply challenging your determination to see this through. I know that you’ll get where you want to go and everything is going to be all right. Let’s just pretend that I’ll be your personal genie in the bottle granting your every wish.”
“Oh, mom. I just want everything to match up. I want to be as female outside as I am inside. I want to close my eyes and see myself smiling because I’m whole.”
“Honey, you’ll learn that female is more of a state of mind than what you see in the mirror. I have looked in the mirror all the time, and well, let’s face it. I’m not perfect. But all those flaws make me human, too. My boobs are small, and my butt is flat. I still have a boyish figure after giving birth to you and your sister. But, inside, I love myself because I can still help the two of you and all the people I doctor daily. And well, the modeling business didn’t hire me just to be a coat hangar. I modeled with an attitude and a lot of personalities. When I wore designer clothes, I became the image the designer wanted. I loved playing a part, and that’s what got me more and more offers.”
“Oh, mom. But you were born a female. You could just use your looks as your base. You didn’t have to worry about being revealed. I just don’t have a girl’s body! I lack everything!”
“Well, honey. I don’t want to start with body shaming. Some women never grow breasts; some have mastectomies and scars but no breasts. Some women are heavy, and others can’t seem to put on any weight even when they try. And none of those women should feel bad about themselves.”
Taylor listened carefully and thought about what her mom was saying. “You are so right, and I was really starting to compare myself to Julie or Meredith. And, well, I guess that’s such an insecure girl thing to do. I’m trying hard to see a different perspective.”
“Honey, you have beautiful hair and a cute face. Your body is in proportion, and you look good. Obviously, Andrew saw something that he liked.”
Just the mention of Andrew’s name made her feel warm inside. All she could think about on the ride home was calling him up. When they got home, Taylor went to her room and texted Andrew to set up a FaceTime call. After she sent the text, she sought out her mom.
“Hey, mom. I have this thing to talk to you about. Andrew has a bunch of books to read for his summer reading requirement. Would it be all right with you and dad if he could come over here and do his reading homework with me?
“And what are you going to do when Andrew is reading?”
“Oh, I’ll read, too. I still have a pile of books that you bought me. I promise that we’ll be good.”
“I trust you, Taylor. And I like Andrew a lot. I don’t have a problem with the two of you reading together. But there have to be a few ground rules. Someone has to be here in the house with you. You must read in public parts of the house, and if you go outside, you must stay in the yard.”
She laughed at her mom’s new rules. She smiled as she pretended to be her mom. “Stay, Taylor, stay. Be a good girl. Woof, woof.”
Molly laughed but was very serious. “Ha, ha. Funny. But I want you to keep your clothes on, and I want to observe you when I want. Your father works enough from home that he’ll be in on it, too. I’m going to have him set a timer and come looking for you.”
“Hmm. That doesn’t sound like trust to me.”
“Well, think about it. Just a couple of months ago, you were fourteen, and your new boyfriend is already sixteen. A couple of months ago, you weren’t head over heels in love, either. I have eyes and see just how much you adore him. This infatuation is wonderful, and I’m happy for you. But you are fifteen, and I don’t want you trying to overdo it with Andrew. Kissing is fine, but keeping your clothes on is more important. I don’t want you growing up too fast.”
“Oh, I get it. I understand your point of view and honestly don’t want to do anything that would take away your trust in me. I owe you everything and want to keep that going on. But, well, I love being in his arms, and when he squeezes me tightly, well, it’s pretty awesome. I kinda lose my mind.”
Molly wrapped her arms around her, then squeezed her daughter tightly. “I understand just how overwhelming this has become. But I’m here to ensure that you keep your head and not do anything that might make you regret your actions.”
Taylor smiled. “Uh-huh. But, mom. You offered to be a genie from a bottle to help me come along. You need to know that it’s not a genie who is granting me the magic girl wish. I have a fairy godmother appearing in my dreams while sleeping. And sometimes, she even shows up when I’m awake. What do you think? Am I living in a dream?”
Molly realized that Taylor was telling her the truth. “How long have you had a fairy godmother?”
“A long time. I first talked with her when dad and I built the doll house years ago.”
This is the fifth chapter of the sequel to the novel Taylor, which was published as a Kindle book. All the proceeds from Taylor and Taylor, Too! are for BigCloset. I hope you take the time to read this and tell me what you think. As always, I appreciate constructive criticism. I think it only makes the story better. I am writing this one chapter at a time, so your input is important in making this a better book.
Chapter Five
Chapter Five
Molly looked carefully at her daughter. “Okay, let me get this straight. You can see a fairy godmother even when you’re awake?”
Taylor nodded. “Yep. I can ask her questions and she gives me answers.”
“What do you ask her?”
“The last time I asked her why Andrew couldn’t see her when she was floating right there in front of us. Oh, yeah. Did I tell you that she floats off the ground. And I can see through her, you know, transparent. So am I crazy?”
“I don’t know, honey. You’ve always had a pretty vibrant imagination. But I believe that you create those things to help you cross a bridge mentally. I think your imagination helped you cope with things.”
“Okay. I can see that. But why would I see her? Do I really need her?”
Molly smiled. “Okay, daughter. I think that’s perfectly normal. You had a favorite teddy bear that you carried around with you when you were a toddler. And you talked to him.”
“Right, Besty! Is he still around somewhere?”
“He is. I never wanted to throw him away. So I washed him several times, then soaked Besty in disinfectant for twenty-four hours. Afterward, I took him to Mrs. Jenn to have him stitched up and repaired. He’s up in a box in the attic. Do you want him back?”
Taylor thought about it. “Yes. I think it would be special to have him back again with me. But, since he’s a boy bear, can you suspend the ‘no boys upstairs’ rule for him?”
Molly laughed. “I suppose so. But the two of you shouldn’t be fooling around. I hope you can be trusted with a stuffed bear and don’t have your fairy godmother making him real!”
“Oh, wouldn’t that be so cool to have a little stuffed animal come alive and talk and have a thinking brain? Kinda like Paddington, right?”
Molly shook her head. “Well, if you are going to be okay by yourself, how about if I drop you off and run into the hospital? I need to make rounds and maybe see a few patients in the office. But that would mean you’d have to help with dinner.”
“Sure. What are we having?”
“I left out some chicken and vegetables. You can make a sheet pan bake if you want. You’ve helped me with that before.”
“Sure. What veggies?”
“Onions, carrots, black radishes, potatoes, and turnips.”
“Sounds good. Chicken thighs?”
“Right.”
“Okay. No problem. What time do you want dinner?”
Molly thought for a minute. “Okay. How’s seven?”
“Sure. Do we have enough to feed Andrew, too?”
“No problem. Invite him over at five o’clock and he can be your assistant. You can impress him with your culinary skills. That way, he’ll know that his future wife will be a good little homemaker.”
“Hah! His good little wife is going to be a successful doctor like her mom. But who knows? Maybe modeling will pay my way through college and medical school, too.”
“Well, your dad and I have worked hard to afford you and your sister’s college tuition. Bu if you want to pay your own way, it just means more money for the two of us.”
“Right, mom. Like you don’t have everything you need and want already. I don’t think you have a selfish bone in your body!”
“Well, it would be fun to take everyone on a winter vacation to the tropics next year. Or a cruise somewhere like the Greek Isles.”
“Well, no one would argue with that.”
“Good. So, I’ll drop you off, and you’ll have the afternoon free. I’ll text your dad that you’re alone and making dinner for us. I will also tell him we have a plus one with Andrew.”
“Thank you, mom, for everything.”
Taylor was busy cutting up vegetables when the phone rang. It was a number she didn’t recognize, so she let it go through to voice mail.”
She listened to the message. “Hey, Taylor. Marg here. I’ve already lined up two catalog jobs for you a week apart. For a rookie, catalog shoots pay fifty dollars an hour, so you’ll collect four hundred per day for your four days.
“And to ease your worries, I’ll be there the whole time. And in addition, you’ll get to keep the outfits. It’s their Winter-Spring catalog, and you’ll be posing with several other models. I’m just representing you, so I’ll be your chaperone, too. Two days next week and the following week. Let me know now if you’re up for it.”
After Taylor listened to the messages, she texted Marg. She typed, ‘Sure.’
Taking a deep breath, Taylor sat down and stared out the kitchen window. She had a good view of the barn and watched the birds flitting in and out of the plants growing in her mom’s flower garden.
She found herself speaking aloud to the half-sheet tray she’d covered with tin foil, then olive oil. ‘Am I going too fast? Am I racing into this new world of coming out like I’m crazy?’ She found herself gasping for air.
When the oven read 350º, she slid the chicken in and let it cook for twenty minutes. While she was waiting, she peeled and cut up the vegetables. She let them soak in cold water while she waited. When the chicken was partially done and giving up it’s juices, she added the vegetables and stirred everything around on the tray.
While she was standing there, her phone buzzed a message. It was Marg. Her text simply said, ‘Tuesday and Wednesday. I’ll pick you up at eight am and have you home for dinner!’
Taylor looked at her reflection in the hall mirror. She felt the tears start running down her face. She wasn’t sure if it was happiness or fear that was causing her to cry. Whatever it was, the emotions were overwhelming her. She wanted to curl up under the covers and sob but knew that dinner would surely burn if she walked away.
She’d clenched her fists and her nails were making creases in her flesh. In a way, the pain made her feel better.
She set the alarm on her phone to remind her to check the oven. Then she called Andrew.
Taylor was feeling pretty needy when he answered the phone. “Hey, you have time to talk with me?”
Andrew could hear the quiver in her voice and immediately wanted to reassure her. “Taylor, I always have time for you. Remember, I’m in love with you.”
Hearing those words, she smiled. “You’ve got a seven o’clock dinner invite for tonight if you want. I’m making chicken and vegetables. Please say yes. I really want to see you. Oh, yeah, brown rice, too.”
“Yes, yes, yes. I already have an appetite for you, but chicken is one of my favorites.”
Taylor sighed. She loved listening to his voice but knew she was in a self-destructive mood. She wanted to scream. “Hey, Andrew. Can I cry on your shoulder for a minute?”
“Always. What’s wrong?”
“Well, I’m scared. All this girl stuff is overwhelming. It was under control when it was just my imagination or when we were together. But, now it’s becoming so public. I spent an hour today buying a one-piece suit and looking at myself wrapped in spandex.”
She took a deep breath.
“And I committed myself to modeling for Marg like my mom did. I just heard from her, and I’m doing a catalog shoot next week for J.C.Penny. And I’m going to a pool party at this girl’s house from school on Thursday and still hoping to go with you to the beach on Saturday. I feel like I’ve jumped on a high speed bullet train.”
“Well, babe. The beach thing’s all set. We’re renting a driver and a fifteen-passenger van to take us down to Rehoboth. I’ve never been there, but my cousin says it’s great.”
“Oh, I’ve been there a million times. Lots to eat and stuff to do. Not real private where I could take a walk with you and make out. But it will work. And, oh yeah. My mom said you can start coming over with your books, and we can read together. I just need to behave.”
“Behave? We behave. What’s your new swimsuit like?”
“One is kinda blue, and the other is ocean colors, greens, and blues. And I don’t think behaving is what we did on Saturday night!”
“Are you upset about that?”
“No. I loved it! It’s just that I couldn’t do that with my parents around.”
“Sure. I don’t want them to hate me ‘cause I got you pregnant. But, I’d do the honorable thing. You must have looked pretty in your suit.”
“Well, not really. More like a skinny twelve-year-old. I’ve decided not to wear any pads when I go to my friend’s house on Thursday. They’ve known me since kindergarten and I’ve very trans to them. For Saturday, I’ll pad up for you. I did take your advice and went to YouTube to learn how to tuck. I even sent for this tucking kit that I hope comes for Thursday.”
Andrew sighed. “In my mind, you’re a pretty girl. That’s all. I mean, when we talk, you’re my girlfriend.”
“You’ve never thought of me as a mental case?”
“Nope.”
“God. Well, I think you must be the only one. I think I’m crazy. I mean, I just told my mom about my fairy godmother, who I’d been talking to for years. And the fact that I just went ahead and dressed up like a girl since I was five cause I wanted to. I never knew I was trans.”
“I know that. But that doesn’t make you crazy.”
“Seriously? And now, I’ve living full-time and going to go to a pool to hang around with my girlfriends, and what if they ask about my genitals? And even if I go with you to the beach, your cousin will see that you’re dating a very skinny girl who is built like a boy. I love you too much to embarrass you!”
“Taylor, you are being silly. Fifteen-year-old girls are skinny and underdeveloped. That’s pretty much the way it is. And my cousin and his friends are really not checking you out when they’ve got your sister and her friends all boob-a-licious in their bikinis. They’re going to be getting hard-ons over their dates. And there’s no rule that we have to hang out with them. We can find a spot all to ourselves.”
Taylor took a deep breath. “Oh, my God, Andrew. Just talking to you makes me feel better. I was definitely hyperventilating when I was taking off my clothes and trying on bathing suits.”
“How’d you look in your first swimsuit? Did it make you feel good?”
“Actually, if you think of me as twelve, I looked very cute. Speaking of being little, my mom’s going to find my old teddy bear that I dragged around as a toddler. He’s making a reappearance to go on my pillow.”
“Should I worry that you’re going to think about him more than me? What’s his name?”
“Besty, ‘cause he was my best friend. I slept with him and everything.”
“I’m definitely jealous. He gets to sleep with you and see you in your nightgown.”
She could hear Andrew chuckle. Taylor started to pout. “Don’t you laugh at me, you meanie. I’m going to get my fairy godmother to make Besty come alive, and then he’ll eat your face!”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I apologize for laughing. Please don’t have your fairy godmother put a curse on me.”
“We did talk about you.”
“Who?”
“Me and my fairy godmother. I asked her why I could see and talk to you and how come you couldn’t.”
“When was this?”
“Back when I took you on a tour of the property. When we were out in the field, we talked, and I asked her why you couldn’t see and hear her. I think that’s when I realized it was all in my head. Of course, everything around me could be in my head, and I’m in a coma somewhere on life support.”
Andrew laughed. “Hearing that coma stuff, I have to admit you are sounding a little bit crazy.”
“Andrew, that’s the nicest, most honest thing anyone has ever said to me. And talking to you is so great. You’ve totally taken my mind off my own self-doubts. I’m going to wear an oversized tee shirt over my suit.”
“See. I’m glad you’re feeling better. Now, what time is dinner?”
“Dinner’s at seven, but you can come help and keep me company before that. How about five?”
“Perfect. I’m going to hang up so I can shower and make myself perfect for my wonderful girlfriend, who I love, admire, adore, and want to be with me forever.”
After they hung up, Taylor knew she had time to get a quick shower, too. She couldn’t wait to wash off after trying on clothes. All she could think about was the danger of getting cooties.
She dashed upstairs, dropped her clothes, and hopped into the shower. As the temperature grew hotter, she washed her hair with cream rinse so it wouldn’t dry out, then exfoliated her face gently and then vigorously all over her body. Once she was done cleaning herself carefully with a body wash, she hopped out and patted herself dry.
She was happy to know that her hair would fall into place after she brushed it out. Then, she picked out casual clothes with Andrew in mind. A quick bit of mascara and some lip stain, and she was headed back downstairs.
She could smell the chicken and vegetables roasting as she searched for the brown rice.
When the dish was cooked, she took it out and let it sit. She’d drain the fat and make a light gravy when she reheated it. She and Emma had been schooled in the kitchen by both her mom and dad. They’d always shared household duties equally.
Taylor was surprised when she found out a lot of her friend’s dads didn’t help out at home. Her dad ran the household while her mom was in medical school, and ever since then, they’d happily shared all the household duties, including raising her and her sister. As she thought about it, she smiled. She was so lucky to have two wonderful, caring parents who readily accepted her trans life without ever questioning her. They made her feel loved and safe.
Her dad arrived at the same time that Andrew’s Uber pulled up. She watched from the window as the two men in her life came in together. She was so proud that her dad welcomed her boyfriend so readily. And Andrew seemed like he was enjoying her dad, too.
She met them in the living room. “Hey, guys. What’s up?”
Her dad picked her up and swung her around, and gave her a hug. He whispered in her ear. “I really like your boyfriend, honey. You’ve got good taste.”
Andrew had brought flowers. He smiled as he handed her a beautiful arrangement. “Since you’re making me dinner tonight, I brought flowers for the chef.”
Taylor was blushing as she kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you. They're beautiful. Let me find a vase and put them in water.” She walked off seriously, wondering if she really was in a coma and dreaming this whole thing.
This is the sixth chapter of the sequel to the novel Taylor, which was published as a Kindle book. All the proceeds from Taylor and Taylor, Too! are for BigCloset. I hope you take the time to read this and tell me what you think. As always, I appreciate constructive criticism. I think it only makes the story better. I am writing this one chapter at a time, so your input is important in making this a better book.
Chapter Six
“Now, honey, remember, if anything starts to go south or you just want to bail, you can text your dad or me. We can be your rescue service. It’s just like taking medicine; stay ahead of the pain. Don’t wait until everything turns to ….”
“Mom, you were about to say shit, weren’t you?”
“Well, maybe. I’m anxious about this. It’s like the first day of school for you, and I want this to be a great experience.”
“Mom, it’s okay. I’m sorry to break the news to you that my life won’t simply be a bed of roses. I mean, I am choosing to head over the waterfalls in a leaky canoe. I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“Hmm, Taylor. That’s not a real positive way to look down the road.”
“Mom, I agree. Everything is going so well, but I’ve got to remember that I have to surmount any challenges.”
“Big words, little girl. I like that surmount any challenges. Where’d you get that from?”
“I’ve been watching some YouTube videos and have started watching videos. Some people post weekly or monthly videos about themselves and their lives. And some are all grown up. Well, no one is my age. No, let me correct that. Some girls are my age, but they all have one thing in common. They seem to be airheads. They see their high school years as mimicking ditzy blondes. So, it’s easier to watch women who are transitioning and older. Like eighteen to maybe twenty-five. They seem to have to climb higher mountains. College, work, and all that stuff seems harder for transitioning women.”
“Okay. I wouldn’t discount those teen girls. But, giving yourself a wide range of women to listen to is better.”
“Mom, some women pay for their transition by working in the porn industry. It’s weird, but that attracts guys who pay them money.”
“Well, I don’t know much about it. This may be something you can talk to your doctor about. Even though you sound confident, I have to remind myself that you just turned fifteen. You’re still young.”
“Well, I’m not….well, you know. I know about sex, and well, I masturbate.”
“Taylor, that’s perfectly normal. And having sexual fantasies is also perfectly normal. As long as you and Andrew keep yourselves together. I just don’t want you experimenting with sex quite yet. And Emma isn’t a good example. I know she and the musketeers all worked on the boyfriend thing back when they were fifteen, and well, I know your sister is sexually active.”
“You know that?”
“Sure. I was young, too.”
“Well, wouldn’t that be a double standard for me? You’re saying that Emma is sexually active, and you know that she and her friends talk about it and test things out. But, you’re telling me not to?”
Taylor watched her mom throw up her hands and pull over. “Okay, you have a good point there. But I’m not sure what to say. I don’t think you should be in a hurry to lose your virginity. Nor do I think that you and Andrew should take your clothes off. I understand that you have needs, but….”
“But, what?”
“I love you, Taylor. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“Mom, I have to make my own breaks. I’m confident about myself, or I wouldn’t have agreed to model for Marg. It’s like learning to rollerblade or ice skate. You know you’ll fall down a few times until you learn. I just have to grit my teeth and tough it out.”
“I hope you talk to your doctor about this. I’m just too emotionally involved to talk to you clinically.”
“Yeah. I see that, watching your face turn red. But relax. Andrew and I have kissed and worked hard to keep our clothes on. Emma referred to our date and said that we were dry-humping. She told me Andrew was the terrier who lives down the street, and I was the couch he likes to hump.”
Taylor watched her mom turn deeper shades of red than she could ever imagine. “Uh, mom. Are you stroking out?”
“No, Taylor. I’m just trying to imagine my daughter's orgasm with a boy. Well, I guess I need to take a deep breath, too.”
“It’s okay, mom. That’s only happened once, and while I dream about doing many things with Andrew, that's it. But everything is going well. Believe me.”
She watched her mom take deep breaths. “Okay. Let’s revisit this topic later. I need to collect my thoughts. But let’s talk about today. Well, just text me if you need to bail. Just send me anything, and I’ll call you back with some made-up excuse that you can politely get out of there with dignity. And sunscreen. Did you remember to bring a towel?”
“Mom, it’s okay. Everything is packed away in my bag.” Taylor held up the big tote that Emma had lent her. “I even have a change of clothes and another one of those tuck things. I’m going to be okay. And yes, I will text when I’m ready to exit. But it’s going to be a graceful exit. I’m not bailing on anything anymore. I’m made of rock, not glass.”
All Molly could do was let out a deep sigh and look at her young daughter. “Maybe we can just keep you home until you turn twenty-one. Locked up, safe, and sound. You know, that up in the turret. Kinda like a Disney classic.”
When they arrived at Julie’s house, Taylor leaned over and kissed her mom. Then, she grabbed the big bag from the back seat and hoisted it over her shoulder. She was wearing Andrew’s high school hoodie. That alone made her feel good. It was almost like having his spirit close to her.
She waved by and walked up Julie’s driveway. She could hear voices coming from behind the house and walked on the slate path until she arrived at the gate. She waved at Julie as she let herself in. But, suddenly, she felt this run of cold sweep over her. Well, actually, it was inside her. Her first instinct was to turn and head back down the driveway. This wasn’t just going to be the three of them! Julie was having a party!
She saw older boys and girls lounging around the pool. They were all strangers, and she guessed they would be the people she’d meet when she started high school. This whole thing was going to be much more complicated than she anticipated. She really was stepping into a big unknown. Taylor thought it would just be the three of them hanging out and talking. But, wrong. It was a party, a real party. And there were boys, kinda looking like high school football types.
So, instead of just turning on her heel and walking back down the driveway, she took a deep breath and tried to smile her biggest smile. She pushed the gate open and walked into the backyard. She was so busy looking for Julie and Meredith that she didn’t see the dog run straight at her and leap up onto her. Taylor instinctively grabbed the dog’s front paws to keep her balance and winced inside as the dog’s head went straight into her crotch.
Shock, surprise, and a real bolt of pain woke her up completely. She started to remember that Julie had a boxer, and she met him head-on. And now, as the pain, shock, and surprise faded, she wondered what had happened to her tape. She couldn’t just grab herself and feel but looked down and breathed a sigh of relief. Everything had survived the wild dog attack. She grinned through the pain.
This whole taping business worked but added a certain amount of discomfort down there because everything was squished back together between her legs. It was okay, but the dog’s solid paws and head surprised her, and it stung, too.
She refused to look weak and just held onto the dog’s paws. After Taylor got a deep breath, she let him go but remained on guard for another attack. But, this time, the dog looked up at her, jumped straight up, and licked her on the nose. Another complete surprise. Their dog had never leaped straight up that high. Boxers were different than retrievers.
She heard Julie yell out the dog’s name, and it scampered away toward her. Taylor saw that Julie was walking towards her. She breathed a small sigh and cheered inwardly. She’d survived the first attack. In her mind, she was the warrior Princess entering the battlefield. She passed the first hurdle by defeating the hounds of hell.
She and Julie hugged. “Hey, I’m so glad you could come. But you’ve got to forgive me. This was all a surprise. This wasn’t supposed to be a pool party. When my mom saw everyone coming into the backyard, she had a fit. I watched her clean out all of her snack shelves. She sent my dad to the Wawa to get subs, chips, and more sodas. It’s crazy!”
Taylor was listening with one ear and watching all these strangers playing around the pool. It looked like the guys were doing cannonballs and seeing who could make the biggest splash.
“Meredith’s older sister heard about our get-together and invited some of her friends to come along, too. They don’t know anything about you or your history, so you can do and say what you want. Meredith’s sister Cami is okay but can be a bit bitchy at times. She’s got her boyfriend here, so hopefully, she’ll be pretty distracted.”
Julie grabbed her bag out of her hands and tossed it over by the chair where Meredith was watching them. “C’mon. I’ll introduce you to everybody. Oh, and by the way, that has got to be your boyfriend’s hoodie, right? He’s so handsome and preppy. I’m sure his parents are shelling out big bucks for his school. We heard that they are millionaires. But, hey, if you aren’t rich, you can still marry him for the money, right?”
Taylor laughed. “Yeah. His mom and dad are upset that he got me pregnant on our first date. But, he promised to make me an honest woman and marry me.” Taylor watched Julie’s face turn from horror to glee when she realized that Taylor could take a joke.
“Good for you, girl. And I want to be a bride’s maid, right?”
“Of course. I want to have a big wedding and wear white.” Taylor knew the sweatshirt was too big, but it smelled like Andrew, and she loved hiding inside it.
As Julie led her over to Meredith, another girl stepped in front of her.
She was an older version of Meredith, with blonde streaks and much more makeup. She popped her gum, then cracked it right in Taylor’s face. All Taylor could smell was that artificial watermelon smell. “Hey, Taylor. I’m Cami. I’ve heard a lot about you from my little sister. She told me you’re becoming a girl, transitioning, and everything. I was shocked when I heard that. I honestly don’t know why anybody would give up his pecker and nuts. But, looking at you, I can see that you’re a cute little thing already looking beautiful. I even heard you had a rich boyfriend, too.”
Taylor had a chance to study Cami as she talked. She was quite pretty and seemed like she knew everything. But Taylor also sensed that she had claws, too. She would not be the one to talk to about sex, even though it was obvious that she knew a lot. She wondered how far the girls in her class had gone with boys. She realized she was still thinking about sex after talking to her mom. Which, in hindsight, was pretty funny.
Cami was still talking like she owned the place. But Taylor figured out that she liked to be the queen, maybe an evil queen.
“Well, circulate yourself into this cocktail party, but keep your hands off, my man. I don’t know if he has a thing for fairies, but let’s not find out.” Cami grinned and strutted away.
Taylor just stood there, trying her best to smile and not panic. She realized that the dog hitting her crotch was much better than this girl Cami giving her the one-two punch. With that thought, she grinned and almost laughed out loud. She’d already been called a fairy and wished to cut her genitals off. She shivered involuntarily.
Taylor was now sure that everyone in the backyard already knew her story. She sighed. No secrets. This was going to be a practice test run of starting school in the fall. She imagined she’d fall down a few times but would recover. After all, this may be a good thing, and she’d be more equipped when September arrived. She took a deep breath and pulled off her hoodie, and grabbed her towel from her bag.
She tossed the towel around her shoulders and strutted to the chair where Meredith was sitting. Obviously, there’d be no hiding behind any curtains today. She figured she was probably the first freak any of them had ever seen. And they were probably puzzled, too. She didn’t even know what transgender meant a month ago, and now she was becoming an expert. Taylor decided to be the queen of cool and not battle their petty opinions. Everyone was waiting to see her in spandex, so she let them look her over. She walked over to Meredith with her towel in her hand. “Hey.”
Meredith laughed and stood. “Well, I saw that you met Otto, Julie’s boxer. But he’s obviously not the big dog at this party. I saw my bitch sister come over and try to punk you out and make you cry. I’m sorry if Cami overheard my conversation with my mom discussing how you are transgender and are transitioning this summer. Of course, my bitch sister likes to stir up shit. I saw her trying to take you down, and I’m so proud that she didn’t get you crying. And when I saw you smile, then laugh, I cheered. Girl, you are amazing. If you can put up with my sister’s evil, you are all set to handle anything coming your way.”
Taylor hugged her and whispered in Meredith’s ear. “Thanks for the support. I agree that Otto’s ambushing me in the crotch was easier to handle than your sister’s gut punches.”
Meredith laughed. “She can be so evil. I wish I had your sister, Emma. I’m sorry that mine is such a piece of work. Cami usually takes it out on the many guys who follow her around, especially her boyfriend, Teddy.”
While we were talking, two of the guys walked by us. I could hear them talking it up for our benefit. “Dude, I’ve never seen a queer up close like this. Imagine being so gay that you want to go down on some guy. No wonder it’s so fucked up.”
Taylor watched Meredith ball up her fists in anger and suddenly realized she was ready to chase after those guys and confront them. She grabbed Meredith up and hugged her. “Hey, it’s okay. Those guys think it’s cool to pick on the weak ones, but you know, I’ve got to learn to grow a thick skin. I'm sure they aren’t the last knuckleheads who run me into the ground. But, I guess I’ll leave rather than ruin the party.”
Meredith looked angry. “Bull! You will not bail ‘cause my sister and her friends are ignorant. They will stop talking you up if they get no reaction. Maybe they'll lose interest when they realize you’re immune to their barbs.”
“Oh, yeah. I’ve thought about saying something. But I’m going to look even dumber if I even try to acknowledge their stupidity. It’s okay. And you are so right. Running away won’t solve anything.”
The two of them sat down and were soon joined by Julie. They were talking about their summer plans when the guys walked over and surrounded them.
“Hey, I’m Teddy, and we thought we were being rude not introducing ourselves to your friend here. We can't understand how a guy wants to cut off his pecker and grow boobs. We were hoping you would enlighten us.”
Taylor looked at the three of them. “I’m Taylor, and I’m the transgender one. I know this will sound weird, but it’s all about how we are wired. From the day I was born, I knew I was a girl, not a boy. I know it's going to sound crazy to you, but yes. Eventually, I will be taking female hormones and testosterone blockers. After that, I will grow boobs and eventually have my penis turned inside out and made into an artificial vagina.”
One of the other guys turned white as a sheet. “Geez. You’d do all that? That sounds kinda nutty to me. I love my dick!”
Taylor grinned and reached for her phone. “I’ve got the link to the YouTube site where you can see the surgery. Want to sit down here with me? We can watch it together.” She patted on the pool lounge next to her.
The three of them instinctively grabbed their crotches. The third boy shook his head. “That’s crazy!”
Taylor smiled. “See. That’s what makes me different from you. I can’t wait to do all that.”
Teddy shook his head. “You’re just a fuckin’ faggot. You’re all gay and everything. I even heard you have a boyfriend. He’s just another faggot, right?”
Taylor smiled. “I really don’t know. Is there some sort of test you can take to determine if you’re gay? We can look it up together if you want.”
The three guys were shaking their heads as they quickly walked away.
Meredith and Julie looked at the retreating guys and then turned to Taylor. “Hey,” said Meredith. “You’re pretty good at standing your ground. I think you kinda scared them off.”
Julie shook her head. “I think Cami and her two girlfriends are working on a rematch with you. I don’t think this is over yet. But you’ve done an amazing job so far.”
Meredith whispered. “Don’t look, but here they come.”
This is the seventh chapter of the sequel to the novel Taylor, which was published as a Kindle book. All the proceeds from Taylor and Taylor, Too! are for BigCloset. I hope you take the time to read this and tell me what you think. As always, I appreciate constructive criticism. I think it only makes the story better. I am writing this one chapter at a time, so your input is important in making this a better book.
Chapter Seven
Taylor looked wistfully at her two friends. “Hopefully, I will be as well developed as you two are someday.”
Julie looked at Meredith, and they started to smile, then turned to Taylor and whispered. “Uh, really, Taylor. We haven’t developed that fast either. We kinda rely on some help.”
Julie leaned close and pulled down the top part of her bikini a bit revealing that she was wearing a silken insert under her top. “Uh, this gives me more than an A-cup. They round out my little boobies and smooth me out. My nipples are out of control!”
Meredith squeezed Taylor tightly. “We both invested in pads during the school year. It kinda makes me feel more grown up and confident.”
Taylor nodded. “My sister helped me with a pair, too. So when I wear something nice, I look better.”
“Why didn’t you wear them today under your suit?”
“Well, to tell you the truth. I figured I could be honest with you and decided to be myself. Of course, I never knew this was going to be a party.”
Julie stood up. “I’m going to take mine out too. Kinda like solidarity.”
Taylor stood and hugged her. “Oh, no! I love you for being so honest and kind. But it’s more than cool just to have shared with me. I really believe that these boys would tear me apart if I tried to look too real. Let them see the real me, and I think they won’t have too much to worry about. I already threaten their masculinity. They kept glancing at my face and into my eyes. I smiled when they looked between my legs.”
Meredith lightly hit her on the arm. “Okay, since you mentioned it. Where is your stuff? From the waist down, well…You still have all your boy equipment, right?
Taylor giggled. “Yep. But, I bought this neat kit on Amazon that’s a tucking kit that pushes me and pulls me back between my legs so there’s nothing to see. And it’s waterproof.”
Julie laughed. “Well, you’re lucky. My pads aren’t supposed to get wet!”
Meredith smiled. “Well, I think I have a way you can make yourself real to them. I’ve got an idea.”
Taylor watched Meredith stand up. She smiled and then whispered to Julie. They both kept looking back at her. Finally, Julie gave me a thumbs-up. Taylor smiled and watched them both walk up to her.
Julie spoke. “We need a challenge where it’s a level playing field against those guys. Something that you can hold your own or come out on top.”
Meredith nodded. “Sure. If you prove yourself, you might at least win a little respect.”
Taylor shook her head. “I’m not hearing you straight. How am I going to stand my ground against any of them? Have you taken a good look at these guys? They are big and older and full of muscles.”
Julie grinned and pointed over to the corner. “See my dad’s fancy outdoor television over there? It’s got a PlayStation hook-up. I know you’re a great gamer. Steven and Tommy talk about your talent all the time. I’ll bet you could beat any of them.”
Taylor thought about it. “Sure, maybe. I guess, well, I hope. Do you have Slimeball Stompers?”
“Sure. My brother has about every game imaginable. I think he was bragging about getting version seven of Stompers last week. Want to give it a try?”
Taylor nodded and figured that at least trying wouldn’t hurt. “Sure. Even if some guy beats me, I can’t really lose. If I lose, well, they beat the tranny. If I win, well, they’ll want nothing to do with me.”
Meredith pointed to one of the biggest guys. “See if you can play Teddy. He’s the A-Dog in that group. He spends all his time trying to get in my sister’s pants.”
Julie went in the house and brought out the set-up. In one hand, she had controllers, and in the other, she had the set. Taylor watched her set everything up over by the outdoor kitchen that was under a canopy but right on the edge of the pool. As she was coming out, she yelled out, “My brother just bought Version Seven of Slimeball Stompers. Who’s up for a head-to-head challenge?”
The guys immediately gathered around the Playstation. Of course, two of them immediately started playing, never thinking about anyone but themselves. There were lots of cheers and boos until somebody lost. Another guy jumped in, and the guys battled, yelling about how tough they were. Finally, it was obvious that Teddy was the best player. He’d beaten both his friends and was king of his hill.
He stood up and crowed like a rooster holding the controller in his hands. “I am the king of the world. Anyone want to play the best?”
Taylor stood up and raised her hand. Everyone turned to look at her. She realized that she was the skinniest-looking one in the whole group. She quietly said, “I do.”
Teddy looked back at his boys. He pretended to whisper but everyone heard his words. “Jesus. Do you mean I have to beat a faggot? Is that the best challenge they have?”
While all his friends laughed, Taylor walked over and picked up the other controller. She turned to Julie, who was standing by the machine. She nodded, then turned to Teddy.
Teddy blanched. He shook his head. He knew that either way, he couldn’t win. It would be like picking on a toddler if he beat the fairy. And if he lost, well, he certainly couldn’t conceive of that ever happening.
“Sure, fairy boy. But don’t start crying cause you couldn’t win. After all, this is not a faggot game. It’s for real men, not babies.”
Taylor smiled and sat down next to him. She smiled as he scooted over as if she had cooties.
When the game began, everybody’s eyes were on the big screen. Taylor had an army truck with a turret to shoot cannon shots and two machine guns. Teddy had the same vehicle and immediately dialed up black as his truck’s color. Taylor smiled and chose pink.
Teddy was still talking, but he directed everything away from her.“Jesus, this queer is just so gay.”
The Slimeballs were ugly, vicious-looking animals, almost like a cross between an elephant and a bear. They rushed directly at each of their trucks and used their large paws covered with claws and spit out sprays of acid as they attacked.
Taylor could play the game with her eyes closed. She knew to keep her distance and evade their direct attacks. Instead, she let her guns do the work. She was busy picking up chests with ammo and first aid supplies as she drove forward.
Teddy used a different strategy. He’d yell loudly and charge straight at the animals. He’d blast each one at close range and move forward. He made no attempt to turn sideways and demonstrate any strategy.
Taylor smiled. Just like a boy, she thought. No finesse.
Eventually, they both finished the first three rounds. Neither had suffered any real damage, but Teddy’s armor had taken some direct swipes, which loosened a few plates and exposed his tires and treads.
The fourth round was a different terrain. It looked like the battle was being fought on an island that was experiencing a hurricane. Taylor had seen this before and knew that flying palm trees were a big danger, especially if one took out your cannon. She’d died many times playing this game and had learned what to do.
As they started out, Teddy didn’t see the first palm tree sideswipe him as he was too busy shooting slimeballs. Taylor spoke. “Watch out, the flying palm trees come from all directions.”
Teddy didn’t even look. “Button it up, faggot. I don’t need your help.”
Taylor shrugged and continue killing the slimeballs and watched for the debris from the hurricane. “Suit yourself.”
After Teddy had been hit by the flying palm trees and a few metal roofs, his turret was bent, and all he had were his machine guns. He tried to back up as the slimeballs headed toward his wounded truck.
Taylor instinctively moved closer to his truck and used her turret and her machine guns to protect him as she led him to a garage where he could get repairs.
“Fuck. I never saw the repair shop. And well, thanks for protecting me.”
Taylor nodded.
Round Five was all ice and snow. The slimeballs were bigger and looked like abominable snowmen monsters. Not only did they spit acid, but they were also throwing boulders, too.
Taylor chose to side sideways and back to protect herself as she continued to attack and score points by killing the slimeballs. Her pink truck had some scrapes, but it was all cosmetic.
Teddy wasn’t doing as well and was soon having a tough time. His right tread was disabled, and he was having trouble maneuvering to stay alive.
Taylor instinctively moved over to help him. She backed her truck up right in front of him. “Do you want a tow to the next repair shop?”
Before Teddy could respond, three slimeballs surrounded him and started to take him out. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
In one minute, the game ended when Teddy’s truck was flattened and on fire.
Taylor sat there quietly. She noticed how pale Teddy had gotten. She watched him stand up and look down at her. “Nice game. Well, nice game for a queer.”
Taylor smiled and nodded. She took the controller over and handed it to Julie. “Thanks for the fun.” She knew all eyes were on her when she dove into the pool and swam back to her recliner.
Julie, Meredith, and Taylor were deep in conversation, trying to ignore all the noise coming from the other side where Cami and her friends were carrying on.
They were deep into laughing when Cami walked over with another girl with long dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. The other girl just hung back and watched.
Cami snarled. “Hey, losers! How ya doin?” She turned towards Julie. “Julie, thanks for inviting us to your pool today. Meredith said you wanted us to bring boys, so here we brought you the cutest ones. But you don’t have to thank me!”
Meredith stood up and looked her sister in the eyes. She got so close she could touch her. “Don’t lie, Cami. Don’t go telling my friends any of your bullshit about me or I will even the score up with mom. I’ll tell her how you and Teddy screw in our backyard every night.”
Cami looked shocked but recovered quickly. “Bullshit, peasant. It would come down to your word versus mine, and nothing will happen. And after that, I will beat the shit out of you.”
Meredith reached over and grabbed her sister’s hand. She quickly turned her wrist backward and twisted it so Cami’s hand was twisted backward to her wrist. Then she twisted the arm behind her back and held it there. Meredith whispered in her sister’s ear. “Now, bitch. Who’s threatening to beat me up? Really, you’re such a punk ass. All these self-defense courses mom made me take! Who knew I’d finally get to try them out on my big sister? Plus, Cami. You really should know that my iPhone shoots very good low-light video. I’ve got a date stamp on each night these past two weeks. On some, the sound is so good that you can hear your voice begging Teddy to fuck you.”
Cami was starting to shake and cry. “That hurts my arm. You wait! I’ll just rip your iPhone into pieces and drown it. You just wait.”
Meredith twisted her sister’s arm more and watched her grit her teeth. “Too late, bitch. I’ve already copied those tapes to all my friends and told them this was my insurance and that you’ll never bother anyone ever again. Mind your bitchin’ ways and start being nice to people. If you do that, you and Teddy can keep on screwing as much as you want.”
Cami hissed. “Fuck. I think you’re dislocating my whole shoulder, and I can’t feel my fingers anymore. You’re killing me.”
Meredith nodded and twisted harder. “Yeah, good. I’m really glad I got your attention.” Cami’s cry made everyone look up.
Meredith yelled out as she let go of Cami and stepped back. She waved her hand over to the older group, who were now looking their way. “It’s okay, guys. Us sisters are just having some fun. Right, sis?”
Cami breathed a sigh of relief and started rubbing the numbness out as she looked at her friends and yelled. “Yeah, we’re just kidding around.” She turned to Meredith and whispered. “This isn’t over.”
Cami’s friend was shaking her head. She’d heard everything, and her mouth was wide open in total shock. She dutifully followed Cami back over to where all the boys were sitting.
Cami announced loud enough for everyone to hear. “It’s time to go. Pack it up, boys. We’re going to get ice cream.” She turned back to Julie and waved. She was still talking loudly. “Thank you. Julie, for inviting us. We’ll see ourselves out. Bye, Taylor. Nice to meet you. And Merry, my wonderful little sister, I love you so much.”
The three girls watched all the older kids exit down the path to their car. They heard the wheels make a noise as they drove away.
At that moment, Julie’s mom and dad were carrying out a sandwich tray and several two-liter sodas. Her mom looked over and saw that everyone had gone. “Oh, now that’s a shame that they left so soon. Too bad.”
Julie’s dad picked up a piece of hoagie and bit into it. “Well, there’s just more for us!”
The Barbie Bride
Everyone in our family thought of me as a quiet kid. That’s because I held my thoughts and opinions close to my heart, afraid to share my deepest secrets—what was inside of me.
But I was lucky to have my best friend, Brooke, living directly across the street. I loved being around her. She was special. I could take a deep breath and relax whenever I was with her. I could talk and say anything I wanted to.
Since my parents worked until late every day, our place was empty until they came home in the evening. Brooke’s mom, Mrs. Dombrowski, insisted I visit their house every afternoon. She and I would do homework at their dining room table when she was home. When Mrs. Dombrowski worked the afternoon shift at the hospital, we’d head to Brooke’s bedroom to finish our homework and play.
I’d often stop at her bedroom door and take a deep breath. One time, Brooke turned and looked at me with a smile.
“Howard, are you okay? You have the funniest look on your face.”
My eyes blinked a few times as I felt like waking up from a dream. I turned and laughed. “I love your room, Brooke. I'm just looking around at how bright and airy it feels. It smells so nice and always makes me happy.”
“You’re silly, Howard. It’s just a bedroom.”
Brooke’s bedroom was a typical girl’s bedroom with too many pillows, ruffles, and dolls. She had a dressing table, a big bed, a dresser, and a closet. Everything was white.
My bedroom was back in the corner of our house. Many shade trees around our yard made my bedroom cool but dark. It was small, with a desk, a dresser, and a single bed.
One time, when Brooke came over, we sat on the bed together. “I don’t want to say bad things, Howard. But your bedroom reminds me of a cell, like a prison.”
I laughed but had tears in my eyes. It was true. I was trapped inside a prison in my mind and my house. I would retreat there whenever things got rocky between my parents.
That’s why I enjoyed being at Brooke’s house. There were no negatives, no yelling, no cursing. It was a warm and inviting atmosphere. Her room was perfect. Sure, it was full of stuffed animals and pillows, but the colors were bright, and everything seemed happy.
And then there were the dolls. Brooke liked to play with them, and I’d follow along. After we finished our homework, we would play dolls. She had a doll house that her dad had made out of wood. Then she had the Barbie Dream House, a three-story house with rooms for everything. There was even a parking space for her pink car.
I always played along but never told her how much I enjoyed these times. Everyone knows that boys shouldn’t enjoy playing with dolls. I’d play along, pretending I was doing it all for her. But my urge to get lost inside her fantasy world was compelling. I had a hunger for that escape into a girl's world.
Every day, we’d play with her dolls and create complete stories. Brooke always decided what we’d do. Sometimes, we played with her baby dolls with their fat legs and arms. We’d be those babies, talking gibberish, crawling around the floor, and sucking on pacifiers. These two infants sometimes pulled themselves up and crawled around, holding onto the furniture. We’d coo and make baby noises. It was mindless fun.
Other times, we were two moms taking care of our infants. We’d hold those babies, chatting while changing our tiny children. We’d busy ourselves feeding, burping, and cuddling them. It was sweet, full of kisses and hugs. While caring for our newborns, we talked about our husbands at work and what we would cook that night for dinner.
But the best days were when we chose to play Barbies.
First, we’d decide whether to be a blonde Barbie or a brunette. After that, we’d choose names and decide on our dolls' fashions. Because our Barbies were best friends, dressing alike was always fun. The process of selecting outfits and getting dressed became part of the story. We’d discuss fashion and whether mini-skirts should be worn with tights. We’d talk about the latest fashions: long coats and short skirts. And both our Barbies would wear oversized fashion sunglasses and carry designer bags. Our Barbies always looked beautiful. I loved playing along with her fantasies because, secretly, they were mine, too.
When Brooke turned twelve, I attended her birthday party. She got many presents that day, but the one I couldn’t stop gazing at was a special Barbie—a Bridal Barbie! It was beautiful, and I couldn’t wait until after her party when we’d get to play with it. This Barbie had long, wavy golden hair. She wore a beautiful lace bridal gown with lots of petty coats. She had white high heels, a blue garter, and special underwear. I’d never seen Barbie wearing a white lace thong and a bustier. I must have stared for too long because Brooke started to tease me.
“Howard, I can’t believe you’ve never seen wedding lingerie before.”
All I could do was shake my head, look at her, and nod. I gulped. “It’s so beautiful.” I touched Barbie’s bustier and marveled at the lace.
Suddenly, Brooke hugged me tightly and whispered in my ear. “You want to see the real thing? My mom still has her wedding dress put away. ”
I could only nod as she took my hand and led me into her mom’s room.
I watched as Brooke started pulling clothing from hangers and drawers. She was taking stuff off hangers and out of drawers. I watched in amazement at her efficiency. She handed everything to me, piling it in my arms. Finally, as she grabbed a pair of white high heels, she grinned. “C’mon, Howard. I know what we can do. Let’s turn you into a Barbie bride.”
I had trouble hearing because my heart was pounding loudly. “Me?” My voice came out in a nervous squeak.
Brooke grinned, grabbed my forearm with two hands, and squeezed. She looked me in the eyes. “Sure, you know you’d love it. I saw you trembling when you saw her gown. Come on, Howard. You know you want to try. Right?”
Everything was swimming inside my head. I know I was flushed, and my heart was pounding so loudly I could hear it in my ears. All I could do was nod. My mouth was dry, and I was gasping for air. I was hyperventilating from all the self-induced excitment.
Then everything became a blur. As she directed, I remember getting undressed and Brooke sliding a pair of panties up my legs. She giggled at my Willie and squeezed it as she pushed it back between my legs. She showed me how to tuck my testicles up inside my body so they disappeared. I was surprised how everything fit so well after that. The shiny, satin, white lace thong held all my boy parts back in place, and the space in front and between my legs became flat. Brooke inspected me and ran her hand over my panties. She smiled.
Brooke dressed me one piece at a time, just like she’d do with a doll. As she slipped different articles on, she talked to me like I was a real bride on her wedding day. She’d talk about my handsome boyfriend, who I would soon marry. We talked about where he was taking me on our honeymoon and how many children we planned on having.
After the panties, she pulled a camisole over my head and adjusted the straps. She ran the palm of her hand across my chest and murmured, “Your chest is so smooth. I love it.” She impulsively kissed my cheek. “Doesn’t that feel good?”
I smiled, trying to catch my breath. All I could do was nod as she sat me down. Brooke rolled stockings up my legs. She used her hands to pull and smooth the material to remove all the wrinkles. She laughed as I shivered from her touch. “Aren’t they wonderful? They are so sexy. I doubt my mom ever wears pull-up stockings anymore. She’s all about pantyhose.”
Then, she gently ran a soft blue garter up my leg and halfway up my thigh. Her hands felt so smooth and gentle as she caressed me. I was thankful that Brooke had tucked me backward so I didn’t embarrass myself by getting too excited.
Then she helped me up, turned me around, and held my hand while I stepped into the gown spread out on the floor. We both pulled it up, and she laughed as she fastened all the buttons. “Oh, Howard. You have such a tiny little body. You’re so young looking with no hips or butt. We need to start fattening you up before your husband sees you on your wedding night. But I’m sure that those curves will all happen eventually.”
I nodded, wondering at her words. I knew she was playing, but in my heart, that’s what I’d dreamed about, too. I could only hope that those dreams would come true for me. I’d been around Brooke long enough to notice her body starting to change and fill out.
Thanks to the internet, I’d read about all those details online on how boys' and girls’ bodies went through puberty and started to change. I was well-versed in how some boys could make themselves female. It was secretly what I wanted, too. But those stories were about older girls and boys who would have surgeries and take shots and pills.
I felt myself tugged and moved around as Brooke adjusted the dress to fit me better. Then she sat me down, fluffed up my shaggy hair, and used makeup on my face.
I had to hold perfectly still while she practiced being a makeup artist. When she was done, she held my arm and had me stand in front of the mirror. Through my tears of joy, I saw a young girl in a wedding dress. The shoes were tight, but everything else was a dream.
“Oh, Howard. You are pretty enough to be the flower girl or even at the wedding party! You look beautiful!”
I stood there staring, feeling the tears running down my cheeks and wetting my neck. The next thing I knew, Brooke was holding me tightly as I sobbed.
I moaned. “Oh, Brooke. I feel so beautiful, and it feels right.”
Brooke hugged me closer. “Remember that feeling and carry it with you forever. You are beautiful, Howard, and someday you will be a real bride, too.”
After a while, when I calmed down, we sat on the bed, holding each other. Brooke squeezed me tightly and occasionally kissed my face. It took me a while to stop crying.
When I finally stopped, Brooke smiled. “Oh, Howard. You lost it there, didn't you? I knew you were keeping a big secret, and I’m glad this finally happened. I think I always knew that you were a girl like me.”
I started crying again. “I’m so ashamed.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m all messed up inside. I never wanted to tell anyone. How come you don’t hate me or laugh at me?”
This only made Brooke hug me tighter. “I love you, Howard. You’re my best friend. But I always knew you were a girl. We played together too many times, and you made such a good Barbie when we played. But now, we’ve got to get you out of my mom’s dress and package it back up. I don’t want it to get wrinkled. After that, we can find you other pretty clothes to wear.”
I let Brooke help me step out of her mom’s dress and then peel off her lingerie. I had to grin when she grabbed my Willie again. I had to stretch myself to get my testicles out. It was almost like they belonged up there, back inside my body.
Brooke grinned as she played. “You know, this is my first Willie. I’ve always wondered what it would feel like.”
It didn’t take much for everything to get excited. I moaned and then erupted in her hand. We were both shocked, but Brooke smiled. She stuck a finger in the pool in the palm of her hand and put it in her mouth. Then she scooped up another finger of goo and stuck it into my mouth. I sucked on her fingers.
“What do you think, Howard? It tastes different from everything I’ve ever tried. It’s quite slimy. Do you like it?”
I shrugged. I didn’t want to mention that I’d tasted it before.
Suddenly, she kissed me right on the mouth. She stuck her tongue in my mouth, and we both had slimy stuff to swirl around. I was pretty shocked.
I just stood there. It was my first kiss, and it was from my best friend.
I watched as she went to her drawers and pulled out underwear. Then, smiling, she went to her closet and picked out a yellow dress. She held it up to me for my approval, and I nodded. “Do you like this?”
I had to take a deep breath before I could talk. “Yes. It’s beautiful.”
“Would you like to try it on?”
I nodded and steadied myself on her bed. I was so excited and afraid I was going to get so dizzy that I’d pass out.
Brooke smiled and laughed with me as she dressed me in her clothes. “Howard, I’ve never seen you so happy.”
I giggled. “Oh, Brooke. I’m feeling fireworks going off inside my body. This is so unreal. But please call me Haley. I want that to be my new name.”
“Haley. That’s such a beautiful name. It’s so pretty, just like you.”
I did feel pretty. I looked in the mirror and saw a twelve-year-old girl in a pretty yellow dress. She was wearing makeup, and her hair was fluffed out and pretty. The thought that immediately ran through my mind was that I wanted to get my ears pierced.
From that day on, you can imagine how things changed.
After the Barbie bride epiphany, Brooke became my guiding angel, opening my eyes and heart.
It was all so wonderful. I looked forward to going to her house every afternoon. Her mom gave us fresh fruit and something to drink when she was home. During the weeks she worked different shifts at the hospital, we could go straight to Brooke’s room and play.
But now, before we did our homework and played with her dolls, I would take all my clothes off. As I stood there naked, Brooke would pick out an outfit for me from her drawers. I was a little taller but not too different in size from her. I could wear all of her clothes. She’d even let me wear a bra that we’d stuff with socks, so I had a pair of boobies under my outfits, too.
We stopped playing with her dolls as much and started playing dress-up all the time. Instead, each day, Brooke would use her imagination to pick a theme before we dressed. She would announce, “Today, we’re going to pretend to sit outside by the pool and catch some rays.”
With just a few words, that meant I would dress in one of Brooke’s swimsuits and a terry cloth coverup. We’d choose various colors and styles. We’d talk and debate as we dressed. It was like putting on a play for just the two of us. On other days, we’d pretend to go to the mall or even a school dance. I looked forward to all those afternoons. After sitting in school trying to pay attention and be a good student, I could burst free when Brooke would dress me. And I could become a real girl, too. Life was so much better when I could giggle and laugh. I felt so much more relaxed and happy.
Brooke had fun, too. “You know, Haley. We are starting to run out of clothes. I had to go to my sister and dig out all the boxes full of her clothes, too.”
I panicked. “What did you tell her?”
“The truth. I told her how wonderful you were and you were secretly transsexual. I described what we’d been doing, and she was totally on your side. All she did was ask me how she could help you.”
I was shocked that she could accept me without laughing. “Oh, that’s so wonderful. Your sister seems like a wonderful person.”
Brooke hugged me. “I want to introduce her to Haley soon. I think it would be great to have her on your side.”
Suddenly, I felt a chill. “I’m glad Melody wants to help me, but that worries me, too. What if we tell someone who only wants to hurt or make fun of me? I wonder how many people can keep my secret?”
Brooke looked at me. “Who shouldn’t know? Who would care?”
I shook my head and wiped a tear from my eye. “I don’t think that people at the school should know yet. I’ve read about crazy people who think that trans people are diseased or mentally ill. If Haley goes to public, it might upset many people.”
Brooke nodded. “Then it will be our secret until you give the okay. But I know that Melody can be trusted and will help you as much as possible.”
I wish to leave Howard behind forever and become my girl self full-time. I dreamed of being Haley.
However, as much as I wanted to, I held back from telling my family how I felt. I believed everything would be fine if I could sit down and share with my mom. I knew that if we talked together, she’d understand. My mom had always encouraged me and told me how much she loved me.
My father was the biggest roadblock to talking about my inner girl. I was afraid of him. He was a tough man to speak with, exchanging thoughts or ideas. He was much more interested in telling you what you should do. He acted like every decision, every move he’d ever made was a winner. He never listened to me, and I knew he’d be impossible to speak with about my transsexualism.
Joseph Emerson was an angry man. My father was always upset and blamed everyone for his failures. Whenever something bad happened, it was never his fault. He’d say that the world was against him.
He always had lots of things to complain about. It was his mother’s fault that he couldn’t go to college. She didn’t have the money. And he couldn’t go to law school because I came along, and he had a family to support. It wasn’t his fault that he had a low-paying job. His bosses didn’t see his potential. He even knew that the mechanic at the gas station lied and cheated him when the car needed repairs. He used to say that they raised the cost of gasoline when they saw him coming. He would complain that no one ever respected or listened to his words.
Every day, my father came home angry, cursing about all the jerks doing him a disservice. And his complaining got louder as he’d drink. As soon as he walked in the door, he’d have a large tumbler of scotch before dinner. And another glass of scotch and ice while he ate dinner. And whenever he left the table, he’d freshen a drink and take it to the TV room. I always associated him and the clinking of the ice in his glass.
It was a shame because Mom wanted us to sit and eat dinner together, and she wanted us to all be happy. But my father would dominate the conversation, talking about himself and the injustices being done to him. After several drinks, he’d storm away from the table and withdraw to the family room. He’d sit in his Lazyboy and scream and curse at what he saw on the television.
My father hated everything and everyone. He hated black and brown people. He didn’t trust foreigners or women in charge. And whenever a gay person was on TV, he’d change the channel saying, “That’s my right. I don’t have to watch this shit!”
I’d be helping my mom clean up, and we’d both take a deep breath whenever he said mean and angry things about people. That’s why I knew that talking to him about being transsexual was a lost cause.
On the other hand, my mom had a master’s degree in counseling. She knew about kids and the troubles they faced growing up. But she never talked about her work with my father because it made him jealous. He knew she was much more intelligent and had a much better job. But none of that was ever discussed because my mom was afraid of her husband. My father browbeat her into thinking that if she didn’t do what he said, he’d leave her. He told her that without him, she would be all alone. He said that she’d die alone because no one would want her.
And that was my house. I did my best to stay out of my dad’s way. I kept my mouth shut and never said two words around him. I just did what I was told and kept it all inside. My world would have been pretty sad without Brooke and my Mom.
Every day after school, Brooke and I had playtime. We’d get off the bus at three o'clock, and those three hours with her kept me going. Sometimes, at home, I imagined I was still dressed in girl’s clothes, offering to help my mom make dinner or clean up.
Most of the time after dinner, I hid in my room doing homework or exploring the internet. That’s when I’d go online and look at dresses and fashion. I loved looking at models on the runways showing off the latest couture. My dream was to someday work in the fashion industry and be a model. I fantasized a lot.
Brooke shared my story about me with her older sister. Melody was a senior in high school. She looked like Brooke, except her hair was blonde and wavy. She was kind and encouraging. She wanted me to explore my female side. She even dug out boxes of her old clothes for me, too. And she was caring. Whenever she saw me, she called me Haley. And when she talked about Brooke and me, she always said, “ You girls.” Melanie was the one who suggested I get my haircut when they went to their salon.
I would have loved to do that, but I didn’t know how to ask my parents. When Melody suggested that, I shook my head at the suggestion. “Honestly, I don’t know how I could do that. Even though my mom wants me to get my hair trimmed and shaped, I don’t know how that would go with my dad. Mom never cared that I was letting my hair get longer. She only wanted it to look clean and presentable. But Dad was constantly giving me a hard time.”
Melanie smiled at Brooke. Then she turned back towards me, running her fingers through my hair. “No problem, Haley. We can get you a Pixie or a Bob, so when you’re Howard, you wet it and comb it into place. Whenever you want to be Haley, we can fluff it up and give you bangs.”
I wanted to go to a salon and let them style my hair. And when I approached my mom about getting my hair cut where Brooke and Melody went, she smiled and hugged me. “Of course. Take my credit card to pay for it, and make sure you leave a generous tip. I can’t wait to see the results.”
My mom seemed pretty happy that I volunteered to get my hair cut. It seemed too good to be true, so I cross-examined her. “You know I’m going to a salon, the one where the Dombrowski girls go?”
She smiled and hugged me. “Of course, sweetie. I think those girls have been a good influence on you. You’ve gotten a positive attitude since you started spending more time over there.”
Sure, I thought. Life had gotten so much better since I could be Haley every afternoon. I felt freer inside. I smiled a lot more, too. “Uh-huh. I enjoy hanging around Brooke. She’s very caring.”
Mom ran her fingers through my hair. “Well, I like it shaggy. You don’t have to come home with a crew cut to please me.”
I laughed. “Dad would probably like me more if I got a buzz cut.”
Mom frowned. “Honey, I’m afraid there’s nothing you or I can do to please your father. He’s not a happy person. And that’s why I love you twice as much.” She gave me a great big hug. As she was holding me, she sniffed. “You smell nice. Has Brooke been giving you her moisturizer when you wash up?”
I smelled like Brooke because I used the same shampoo, moisturizer, and many of her creams. “Uh, kinda. She gave me some of the same stuff she uses. Is that okay?”
Mom hugged me tightly. “Of course, sweetie. I love it. You smell as sweet as you are. It’s nice when your child is interested in their hygiene.”
Three days later, Brooke’s sister, Melody, drove us to Anthony’s, a salon downtown. I was very nervous, but they both guaranteed everything would be fine.
We parked, and as we walked through the doors, a woman came over and greeted Melody with a hug and a kiss. Melody had her arm around her friend’s waist. “Haley, this is my girlfriend, Jaynie. She’d going to cut your hair.”
Jaynie was tall and looked at my face as she ran her fingers through my hair. “Oh, Haley. You have such beautiful hair, so nice and thick. It’s not often that I get to cut someone who has such gorgeous red hair. I can’t wait to make you more beautiful!”
I panicked and whispered to her. “But you know I have to still look like a boy at school. I’m transgender.”
Jaynie wrapped her arm around me and led me back to her station. “Oh, baby. It’s all good. I will make your haircut so nice you can slick it back during school, fluff it up, and brush it out when you’re Haley. Okay?”
I smiled and eagerly nodded.
“Do you trust me?”
I shrugged. “Sure, I guess.”
As I sat there, Jaynie talked. “I will give you a modified wolf cut that can be tamed with some product. So, at school, it will just be a shaggy haircut. But when we fluff it up, it’ll frame your face and look so cute with a bit of makeup.”
When Jaynie finished, she added product and slicked it flat. I looked at it, and it looked fine. I would be camouflaged in school all day long.
I nodded eagerly.
Then she whispered, “Now, are you ready to look pretty?”
I smiled.
Jaynie ran her fingers through my hair, letting the product give it more body, not less. Then, she used a hairdryer and a large round brush to tease my hair. After it shot up in the air in every direction, she shaped it until it surrounded my face and made me look beautiful. She even added a touch of lip stain and mascara. I had tears in my eyes as I thanked her.
I did just as my mom suggested and gave her a big tip. As we left, Jaynie grabbed my hand and said, “You’ll need to see me once every four weeks for a trim.”
The car ride home was excellent. I felt so beautiful. When Melody dropped us off, my mom’s car was in the driveway. Without thinking, I stepped out and said I’d see everybody tomorrow.
After walking into the house, I realized I was still wearing one of Brooke’s outfits, my hair was teased and shaped, and I hadn’t cleaned off the bits of mascara and lip stain. My brain had shorted out when I saw how pretty I looked back in the salon. I wasn’t thinking.
Mom greeted me at the door. She smiled as she looked me up and down. “Hi, baby.” She gave me a big hug.
Suddenly, I realized I was still wearing my favorite yellow top and pleated skirt. I stood there and started crying, wondering what I had just done.
As I cried, Mom wrapped me in her arms and squeezed. She shushed me and told me that everything was okay.
I sobbed. “But it’s not okay. I’m all messed up. Why do I feel this way? And all I want is to be Haley, not Howard.”
Looking back at that moment, I realize that my mom was incredible. As I stood there crying, she hugged me and whispered, reminding me that I was wonderful and did not have a mean bone in my body. “You are sweet and kind. You are caring. You are perfect.”
I only sobbed harder because my mom was describing my insides. Outside, I was wearing a padded bra under my cute white top. I had on a yellow cotton pleated skirt and white ballet flats. I wore mascara and a little lip stain on my face. I’d just had my hair done in a salon, and it looked perfect. The bangs touched my shaped eyebrows, and my new style framed my face. I was a perfect example of a twelve-year-old, except for one thing. I was not a girl.
All of this only made me sob harder and squeeze my mom around her waist. I loved her and only wished that I was the real thing. But I was Pinocchio. I wasn’t real. “Oh, mom. Why am I so messed up? Why do I have all these thoughts that won’t go away?”
Mom kissed me on my cheek. “Oh, baby. You are fine. There is nothing wrong with you. All those thoughts are the feelings you’d been repressing all your life. You are not bad and are doing your best to cope with everything you feel. I only wish I could wave a magic wand and change everything. But believe me when I promise you that it will all happen. It will take time and work, but we will get you there together.”
My head swam. My mom was telling me everything I wanted to hear. She was not telling me I was wrong or crazy. Right then and there, my mom became the best person in my life. I laughed and excitedly blurted, “You’re my fairy godmother.”
She grinned and touched the tip of my nose. “Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo! I wish my magic wand wasn’t in the shop being cleaned. Oh, honey. I know all about the pain you’ve been suppressing and how you’ve been hiding your true self. But remember that you have a mom who loves you. I’m on your side.
I couldn’t stop sobbing. “I’m so torn up inside. I love the girl in me. I want to be Haley, but returning to being Howard is so painful. I don’t want to do it.” I stared at her face. “But, yeah. I know I have to.”
Mom squeezed the breath out of me. “Whether you are Haley or Howard, I love you. And my job is to make you happy. I promise to help you become Haley and do whatever it takes. But…”
“Yeah, I know what that but means. My dad doesn’t want to hear that his son has a girl inside. He would kill me.”
My mom had tears in her eyes. “Honey, we aren’t going to change his mind tomorrow. It won’t happen overnight, but we can pray and hope he will change. In the meantime, let’s take some photos of just how nice you look. We can look at those photos whenever we want. And we don’t need your father’s permission to start talking to a psychologist and get you on the road to transition.”
After Mom took photos with her phone, I returned to my bedroom and removed my top and skirt. I carefully removed my bra with the padding and pulled down my panties. My willie was so used to being tucked back that I had to urge it forward. I laughed because it was the same problem with my testicles. My boy parts seemed happy to be tucked away, and I was glad to ignore them.
After showering, I carefully brushed my hair and combed it flat. When I was all done drying off and putting on my boy clothes, I frowned. I didn’t want to be doing this, but I was trapped. Everything I read told me that nothing would change until I was older.
Even though I was Howard every day in school, life continued. I’d wet my hair and dress Howard each morning. I’d go to school.
In school, most of my classmates and the teachers just assumed I was gay. Even though I was as tall as the other guys, I never wanted to be big and strong. I watched everything I ate, and all my exercises were to keep me flexible. I did yoga and stretches. At home, I danced while watching YouTube videos. Some of the guys called me a Twink or a fairy. None of those names or the occasional shove upset me. Of course, I wanted to tell them that they were all wrong and I was trans, but I was too smart to say a word.
In my seventh grade, all the girls and gay guys were my close friends. Even some of the straight guys treated me okay. It wasn’t too bad, and I would count the minutes each day until I could go over to Brooke’s house.
Everything was working out. I had a routine where I could tolerate being Howard as long as I knew that Haley was still inside me. Knowing that Haley could come out and play every afternoon kept me going. I counted the days until the end of school when I would leave Howard behind and be Haley.
While we were both excited to enter eighth grade in September, we enjoyed discussing our summer and plans.
Brooke was so positive. “Haley, this is going to be so great. We’ll spend more time at my house and do many cool things.”
I dreamed about that same thing. All I could think about was more Haley time and being a real girl.
In my world, everything was getting better. Those afternoons were a dream come true. I learned to use a curling iron and a blow dryer on my new hairstyle. I’d even started to do more than clean up my eyebrows; I began to shape them. I’d look in the mirror daily to see Haley getting prettier and much happier.
Brooke helped me practice using makeup, and every afternoon was a joy. We’d still hang out, lying on her bed and talking. We even started to plan Haley’s future. We had it all worked out. I planned to come out as Haley in high school and go full-time as a transsexual female. I’d have those four years as Haley, and life would always be happy. Then, Brooke and I would go to college together. Brooke would meet a boy and fall in love. I would be her maid of honor.
Deep inside, I always dreamed that someday I’d meet an extraordinary boy who would understand what transgender meant. He’d love me for whom I was, and we’d get married. Brooke and I even talked about honeymoons. Sometimes, we’d get our baby dolls out and carry on like two young mothers caring for our newborns.
What made it better was that now that summer was here, Haley and Brooke could go to the mall with Melody. She’d drive us and always bring along a girlfriend. I realized Melody's true love was the young woman cutting my hair. It was cool to hear her talk and how much she loved her.
I felt like I was living my authentic life whenever I was with Brooke. It was all I wished for until the one day that everything went sideways.
One Saturday afternoon, we sat in her backyard, talking and drinking Cokes. We could hear Brooke’s next-door neighbor taking the garbage cans to the curb for the Monday pickup.
Her neighbor, Mr. Johnson, smiled as he returned to his house. “Hi, Brooke. How are you today?”
Brooke smiled. “I’m doing well. How are you, Mr. Johnson?”
They exchanged pleasantries, and he asked, “Who’s your friend?”
I turned and smiled. I was wearing mascara and lipstick, and I’d done a great job curling and blowing out my hair, so I thought I looked perfect. I was also wearing a baby blue romper and flip-flops. I felt like a perfect Haley.
“Why, Mr. Rogers, this is my friend Haley Emerson. She lives across the street.”
I smiled and gave him a little wave.
But Sunday night at dinner, my father directed his face towards me and let his anger explode. He glared and said in a raspy voice, “I played golf with Johnson from across the street today. He told me what a pretty young lady I had for a daughter. He even warned me, telling me my girl would break some hearts. Girl? Howard, what the hell is going on?”
I didn’t know what to do. I knew no matter what I said, I would be ignored. I was frustrated and started to cry. I was shaking when I blurted everything out. “I’m transgender. I was born in the wrong body, and I’m a girl inside. I dress just to be the real me. Mr. Johnson saw the real me over at Booke’s house, and she introduced me as Haley.”
“I’m sorry if you’re upset. I never thought it would make you mad if I kept it a secret and dressed when I was across the street.” Through my tears and blubbering, I begged him to accept me for who I was.
I never had dinner that night. Without another word, my father grabbed my arm, pulled me out of my chair, and dragged me through the family room to the basement stairs. I could hear my mom’s screams as I was bounced down the basement steps. I know I crashed into the wall and hit each step as I was dragged down to the basement.
I cried and begged. I asked him to forgive me and promised a lot of things. But that didn’t do any good. Suddenly, he had his hand around my neck and squeezed until I couldn’t talk and had trouble breathing. My father dragged me over the table where he used to groom our standard poodle.
He would sit the dog on a stainless steel table about three feet high. Above the table, a long metal pole extended with a metal cable and a dog collar adjusted to wrap around the dog’s neck to keep him from moving. There was also a harness that could strap the dog into place.
I felt myself dragged up onto the table and the collar going around my neck. I know I was screaming and fighting him as I felt him pull the cable that tightened the collar. I was still kicking and screaming. Without saying a word, my father stared at me and punched me on my chin.
I blacked out.
When I recovered, I was attached to the table. The steel rod kept me upright and in place. He’d wrapped a restraining harness around me so I couldn’t move. I was choking and could barely breathe. I kept trying to apologize as I heard him turn on the clippers.
With one hand, he started slapping me everywhere on my body. At the same time, I felt the clippers shaving my head. Through tear-filled eyes, I watched all my beautiful hair cascading to the ground. I squirmed and tried to fight, but the collar was too tight.
That’s when everything went black.
I woke in a strange bed. Looking around, I saw tubes and machines. I heard the sounds of monitors. I fell asleep again and woke up crying. Someone put a straw in my mouth, and I sucked in cold water. I drank too fast and started to gag. That’s when I heard a familiar voice.
“Take it slowly. Your throat is bruised.”
I turned and smiled at my mom. Looking at her face, I could see she’d been crying. I realized I couldn’t move my arm. I turned and saw that I was in a cast and looked at her.
She whispered. “Your collarbone’s been broken and will take time to heal. Your throat is bruised from the dog collar.”
Everything came back to me in a flash. I remembered the basement and the pain. I knew how my arm had been broken and why my throat was sore. I felt the tears trickle down my cheeks. I worried that my father would appear in the doorway. I could still see his angry face and feel the spittle as he screamed. I feared he’d return and kill me.
I stared at my mom. She looked tired. I felt her hand wipe my forehead with a washcloth. From the look in her eyes, I must have looked terrible.
Suddenly, I wanted a mirror to see what damage had been done.
“Mom, do you have a mirror?”
She reached into her purse and brought her iPhone. She reversed the screen to make it a mirror. She held it so I could see my face. I looked like a prisoner of war. My face was bruised where I’d been slapped and hit. All the marks were red hot and ached. My eyes were blackened, and I looked more like a raccoon than a human. I had a large gauze patch taped across my nose. Everything ached and itched.
I ran my tongue around the inside of my mouth. And while everything hurt, I could still feel my teeth. “Mom, can you scratch my nose?”
I heard her laugh. “I can’t reach the surface. They had to straighten out your nose when you were brought in. You’re just lucky they had a plastic surgeon on call.”
I started coughing again. Mom held the straw to my mouth. As I sipped more water, it reminded me that I couldn’t move. “What did you say was broken?”
“One of your collarbones is cracked, a green break.”
I realized that’s why I’d passed out in the basement. I could still feel a throbbing, dull pain radiating from my shoulder. I saw a band running across my chest to keep me from moving. “Why can’t I move?”
“You were thrashing around, and the nurses restrained you so you didn’t hurt yourself. I can release that now.”
I watched my mom lean over and undo the strap. It made me feel better to be able to move around. I was surprised at how much everything ached whenever I moved. “Can I go home? Is Dad waiting for me? Am I in trouble?”
Before I could say another word, Mom kissed me on the cheek. “No, you aren’t in trouble, but your father certainly is. He was arrested and is in jail.”
I must have looked shocked.
“I saw him drag you down the stairs and called 9-1-1. I was still on the phone when he strapped you into the dog’s grooming table. When the police arrived, your father wouldn’t listen to them and kept beating you. That’s when they had to use a Taser to drag him off of you. After they took him to jail, I refused to post bail. He has a hearing coming up, and our lawyer is claiming he’s dangerous and shouldn’t be released.”
I was shaking uncontrollably just hearing all of this. “I’m scared.”
Mom looked at me. “Honey, stop worrying. He’s never coming back into our lives. I’m done with him.”
“But what if he wants to hurt us?”
Mom blushed. “I unlocked the gun cabinet and loaded a shotgun and a pistol. Our lawyer is asking for a restraining order, and if he comes near us, I’m going to shoot him.”
I lay there thinking about everything that was happening. I knew my father had guns. He was always worried that ‘they’ might come and try to take our house. I was surprised at how angry Mom must have been to talk like that.
She stared at me. “We need to be brave, move forward, and start a new life. Our lawyer is asking for a restraining order if they let him out. But he’ll have to raise his bail money from somewhere else.”
I lay there for a while, held Mom’s hand, and squeezed it. When my heartbeat slowed, I thought about myself. “When will I get out of here, and when will they take off the cast?”
“You’re going home today. The doctor said that within the week, they’ll be able to start cutting back on the plaster cast on your shoulder and get you in a sling. She assured me that you’ll heal quickly.”
It was hard to move. Even free of the straps running across my chest, the cast on my collarbone and shoulder limited my mobility. I was getting frustrated as I felt the tears pooling on my face. I released a long sigh. I moaned. “I’d never been so scared. And it was all my fault.”
My mom turned her head and stared at me. “Haley! Your fault? Why?”
I loved the fact that everything was out in the open. My mom and all the nurses had been calling me Haley. Even though I hurt all over and had the worst headaches, it made me happy inside. I sighed. “You know. Suppose I’d never told anyone about my wanting to be a girl. If I’d just kept it a secret, well, Dad wouldn’t have beat me, and he wouldn’t be in jail, and everything would still be perfect.”
I felt my Mom’s hand brush my cheek. “Nonsense, baby. None of this is your fault. Your father was waiting to explode. Whether it had been you, me, or some innocent driver who’d cut him off, he was a walking timebomb.”
I looked at her face. She looked so tired and upset. I used my good hand to hold hers. “Maybe things will change.”
“No, honey. Nothing is going to get better. Your father is never coming back. Our lawyer told me he would ask the judge to have him stay in jail until his court trial. Our lawyer will share what he’s done to us at the hearing. I’ve kept all my medical records going back to the first time he hit me.”
“The first time?”
She wiped her eyes. “Yes, I’ve been hit several times. And each time, I got photographs and X-rays. But I was afraid to tell my parents. I started covering up for him. But no more. We’re going to ask the judge to keep him locked up and treated for his mental illness, too. I can’t hate him, but we will build a case for a restraining order.
“Well, I still was the one that flipped him out.”
“No. You never did anything. He was too busy worrying about himself. He never thought of you or me. He got bent out of shape because he was embarrassed over suddenly having a trans child. He never discussed this with you or me. His opinions were so skewed and angry that the world passed him by. There was no reasoning with him.”
I watched her shake with emotions. Then she lowered her voice and talked. “Fifteen years ago, when we married, he was so different. He laughed, he made jokes, and he loved me. But things slowly changed when you were born. I thought he loved you, but when I discovered he was jealous of you.”
I was listening and trying to picture their early days together. “Why?”
“I believe he wanted me all to himself, and I guess I was paying too much attention to you that I didn’t notice. It happened very slowly, but he started to get crazy. One time, he told me that you were the reason he couldn’t become a success. He said that working to take care of us ruined his future. After hearing him say angry things about you daily, I remember telling him I would leave. I told him I’d take you and move home. I knew my father would take care of us. And I told him that we wouldn’t be the excuse for his failures anymore. We wouldn’t be around to stand in his way.”
I squeezed her hand.
“When I talked back to him, things got quiet. Suddenly, I remember him hitting me and twisting my wrist until it became so sore it wouldn’t move. That’s when we left the first time. When we got to my parent’s house, my mom took me to a doctor. I got an x-ray and discovered that he’d snapped a bone in my wrist. My father was furious and wanted him arrested. But I begged him not to.”
“I didn’t hear from your dad for days. Of course, when he finally called, he was crying and apologizing, saying everything would change and he would be better. I believed him and moved back to our little apartment. But it slowly got worse.”
“Whenever he blew up and hurt me, I threatened him that I was leaving him, and he begged me to stay. But I made sure when I went to the doctor, he took pictures and sometimes even an X-ray. But I was ashamed to tell my parents and hoped things would improve. Finally, my mom and dad were getting too old to help me, and I was alone.
I watched her crying. I felt sad and helpless.
“Haley, it’s not your doing. I’m happy that you can be yourself, and I will make sure that things only get better. And we need to start things happening. We’ll make an appointment to see your pediatrician and get you a counselor to work with. I’ll become proactive and take all the steps necessary for you. I’m not ashamed of you, and I’m never blaming you. You have not done anything wrong.”
We were hugging when my hand touched the top of my head. I was crying tears of joy and got the shock of my life. I WAS BALD!
I must have made a noise. “Mom, what happened to my head?”
Mom hugged me as tightly. I still had my shoulder in a cast and the big bandage on my nose. Whenever her arm brushed my nose, I whimpered in pain. I was a mess, a bald mess.
“The clippers that your father used on you were dirty, and he cut the skin in several places. The doctors were afraid that there was a good chance of infection, and they worried about flesh-eating viruses. They decided shaving your head completely was the simplest and most secure option. Those deep cuts needed stitches. But you never knew because you were in a coma.”
“I was in a coma?”
I watched my mom wince. “It was so horrible. The doctors said that you were struck on your head and that you suffered a brain bleed. When the ambulance came, you were having a seizure and fell into a coma. I was so afraid for you.”
Listening to all this, I realized I didn’t know what had happened. I was sobbing uncontrollably. “What can I do about my hair?”
“The doctors assured me that you are young and healthy. They said that the average child grows ten inches of hair every year. That means by the time you are ready to return to school, you will have three inches of hair covering your scars.”
“Scars?”
Mom hugged me tightly. “Those gouges will heal and slowly fill back in. But right now, you have some cuts and bruises that need to heal. The best news is that you can keep that area clean without worrying about dirt or infection. The doctors all agreed that it was the best option, especially since they had to operate on your brain to release the pressure from the brain bleed.”
“Brain bleed?”
“Yes. When he banged you down the steps, your head repeatedly hit the basement steps, and you got a concussion. You had a seizure and went
into a coma.”
“Oh, wow. How long was I in a coma?”
Mom looked sad. But then she smiled. “You were unconscious for almost two weeks.”
I was trying to figure this all out. Two weeks! A coma!
After I calmed down, I fell back to sleep. I woke to voices, and when I opened my eyes, I met my doctors. They explained how my brain was healing and that I was not suffering any ill effects from my coma. The plastic surgeon explained that my nose had been destroyed by my father repeatedly punching me.
“I used your mother’s nose as my model. So when the swelling goes down, you’ll look a lot like her.”
I didn’t know it, but Brooke had visited me every day since I came out of surgery. Now that I was awake, she’d climb up in bed, and we’d spent afternoons watching videos together. Brooke was there when the plastic surgeon came in and removed the cotton stuffed up my nose and the cast on the outside.
He smiled. “You look good. When the swelling goes down, you’ll have a cute little button nose that will look beautiful. All the swelling should be gone by September when you return to school.”
Brooke and I hugged and cried together. “I’m sorry that this messes up our summer. I look so stupid. I’m bald, and I have raccoon eyes.”
My mom felt so bad that the first thing we did when I got home was go to the mall and buy me the cutest summer clothes. Brooke helped me pick out shorts and tops, and I had my underwear. Before we left the mall, Mom took us to Piercing Pagoda, where I got two holes in each ear.
A month later, my hair was forming a teddy bear buzz cut. Since mom let me wear mascara and I had hoops in my ears, no one doubted that I was the girl I wanted to be, just with a buzz cut. But that was good because I had a lot of cuts and stitches all over the top of my head.
About that same time, I met a new counselor who specialized in gender dysphoria among kids my age. I was going and talking to her twice a week. Sometimes, I’d go in and talk alone; sometimes, Mom joined us.
One day, we played outside, and Brooke looked at me strangely. “What?” I asked.
Brooke studied my head. “Your hair is coming in differently. It looks more bright red than reddish brown.”
We got out a mirror and studied it. When Mom came home, I told her about what we had discovered.
“You’ve got your grandmother’s color. She had beautiful wavy, red hair.”
“But Gran’s hair is silver.” I thought about it and nodded. “Oh.”
After thinking about what she said, I asked my Mom if she had any photos of Gran’s hair. Looking through the albums, I realized that my grandmother’s hair was gorgeous, and so was she. Her hair was long and wavy.
“See. If your hair stays that color, it will be beautiful. Especially with your new nose.”
My nose wasn’t that different, but it was smaller and turned up. Mom called it a button nose.
Then there was my new doctor. Mom had already talked to her. When I entered the office, everyone was as lovely as possible. My visit was longer than usual. She spent much time looking at my shoulder and checking my flexibility. Now that the smaller cast was removed, I was out of the bone doctor’s care. She also looked at the top of my head and seemed satisfied that everything had healed up and looked good.
My hair was two inches long and still looked like a crew cut but very curly. It looked okay, but everyone was amazed it was three shades lighter and much redder. Right?
The doctor finally asked me to get undressed and put on a gown. “Leave your underwear on.”
As she was examining me, she looked between my legs. She smiled at my panties. “Honey, are you tucked?”
I nodded.
“Well, could you untuck for me? I still need to check your genitals.”
I pulled down my panties and stepped out. I reached up between my legs and pried my testicles out, and pulled my cock around to the front.
The doctor watched and nodded. “How often do you keep yourself tucked?”
I smiled. “All the time. I untuck when I take a shower.”
“How do you go to the bathroom?”
I shrugged. “I always sit down.”
“Does it hurt to keep yourself tucked and your testicles pushed up inside you?”
I shook my head. “No. Everything stays that way, and it’s fine.”
The Barbie Bride
Part 2
I was sitting up on the examination table with my legs spread. I was wearing a cotton gown that was tied in the back. Sitting on a large piece of paper that crinkled around every time I moved was strange. I was lost in my thoughts when I realized the doctor was talking to me.
“Haley, could you slip your underwear off, please?”
I knew this was going to happen and worried this was where the whole thing exploded. The doctor knew I was trans, but up until that moment, my junk was hidden, and I felt like I looked a lot more like a girl than a guy. Of course, not really. I looked like a girl with a buzz cut. I was still hoping they’d find a miracle cure to make my hair grow back faster. I Googled it. The average person's hair grew nine to ten inches a year. That meant that I’d maybe have three-inch hair long by September. I hoped that my hair would grow back faster and I would look better quickly.
So when the doctor asked me to take off my underwear, I did. I sat up and scooted my panties off. She stared down at my crotch and frowned.
“Haley, I need to examine your penis and your scrotum.”
I tried not to sob as I stood. Of course, the first thing that I noticed was how breezy it felt on my backside. I spread my legs and presented myself to her. Even with my panties off, my penis still curved back between my legs, and my testicles were up inside my body.
The doctor sat on a stool. She looked at my tucked penis and watched as I urged my testicles down from my body. I stood up and wiggled them out. They slowly came back down between my legs.
She frowned and asked me about that. “Is that how you keep your genitals during the day?”
I nodded. “It’s fine. It’s not uncomfortable, and my underwear fits better. It keeps everything very private. I can wear panties, and no one ever questions me about my gender.”
“I see. Then you dress as a female all the time?”
“Yes. Mom said I could live my life this way if I wanted to. She said it was fine.”
The doctor wore gloves. She gently manipulated my genitals and patiently waited. After a few minutes, she seemed satisfied with their eventual response.
I smiled and tried to explain. “It takes a few seconds for the blood to circulate and for them to warm up. I shake them out twice each day when I shower in the morning and wash before bed. But I feel better this way. I don’t like my penis or my testicles. It’s like they belong to someone else.”
The doctor looked me in the eyes. She frowned. “Haley, I question what you’re doing. You’re cutting off the circulation to your testes. That is not healthy.”
“What could happen?” I was concerned.
She started to sound like a WebMD paragraph. “Your scrotum contributes to your growth and maturity. That’s where most of your testosterone is generated. If you cut off the circulation to your testes, it would result in lower testosterone production. You could slow down your puberty or delay it altogether.”
She paused to let that sink in. Then she went on. “I understand that you are very interested in transitioning, but self-castration is not the way to go. I understand that you don’t want to start male puberty and instead want to postpone it until you can start a hormone regimen and transition, right?”
I nodded and spoke. “If I stop my testosterone production, won’t that keep my boy puberty from starting?”
The doctor frowned. “It might slow down or stop your puberty, but it will also affect your development. That’s not what I’d recommend. Without puberty, your body might not develop fully. It could result in loss of bone density and complications.”
I decided to stand up for myself. “But without testosterone, I’m not in danger of getting muscles and body hair. It will keep me like this, right?”
The doctor shook her head. “Well, castrating yourself will keep you from getting the testosterone you would need to have puberty and become an adult male. However, the side effects you might suffer might cause you to damage your body. You’d stop growth in muscles, bones, organs, and your immune systems.
“Uh, but isn’t there a way to mature but keep me from becoming a man?”
She looked me in the eyes and sighed. “You can postpone your puberty temporarily, possibly until you are sixteen or eighteen, but your body needs to experience puberty. If you qualify to transition, you'll eventually take estrogen and experience female puberty. We can examine some ways we can chemically block your testosterone from affecting you and delay puberty. But I’d like to see you doing it under a doctor’s care, not on your own.”
She shook her head. “Before we consider all of this, I’ll need to hear from specialists about what they recommend. We can’t just start you on a testosterone-blocking prescription without seeing a counselor who specializes in gender-affirming care and a genetic specialist. There are protocols to determine if you are transgender, and then we can talk about something together. This will take some time, but I will support you if you follow my guidance. Okay?”
I nodded and gulped.
“Haley, I understand your motivation, but a do-it-yourself sex change is not recommended. You’re too young and need to talk to several experts before making a life-changing decision. As your doctor, I don’t recommend that you tuck anymore.”
I felt like a puppet, nodding to everything she said. Unfortunately, I was not listening. I wanted to start my change now and didn’t want to wait another minute.
Finally, the doctor smiled. “We’re all finished up here. You are a healthy person. Please come back and see me after you’ve seen those specialists. And be sure to remind any doctors you see to keep me in the loop. I will probably be the one prescribing any medications.”
I watched her walk away. As soon as she left, I picked up my clothes and dressed. I did not tuck. I wanted to get home and research all of this on my computer.
I sat in the waiting room while the doctor and my mom talked. When we got back in the car, my mom was quiet. Then she looked over at me and spoke. “Your doctor gave me some names of people to contact. How do you feel about seeing a gender specialist and a counselor?”
I didn’t have to think about it. “Sure. I think it would be great to talk to some experts. I want good advice on starting my transition as soon as possible.”
Mom smiled. “Oh, honey. In my eyes, you are already there. Haley is my daughter, who I love very much. I understand your needs, and your happiness is important. I’m never going to be a roadblock.”
I cried and hugged her. It was terrific to hear Mom say such wonderful words.
She looked at me. “One more question.”
I gulped and nodded.
“Do you want to get ice cream?”
.
.
.
After seeing my pediatrician, things settled down a bit. It was just mom and me now. My father had been found guilty of assault and battery. He was being charged with what he did to me, and then there were the police officers. He was charged with resisting arrest. His lawyers waved a request for bail, and he pleaded guilty.
Two weeks later, he was sentenced to two years in prison, but there were stipulations. He would serve ninety days in the County jail and then be released to a halfway house. When he got out, he had a restraining order against contact with us. He would stay in the halfway house and work. If things went well, he'd move in with his mother. He’d be fitted with an ankle monitor. Mom said the judge would return him to jail if he violated the court orders.
After Mom got off the phone with her lawyer, she pulled me aside. “Haley, it’s important that you listen to me and understand what I’m saying. Your father is gone out of our lives. He won’t be coming back. Maybe he will straighten out someday, but if he violates his court requirements, he will be returned to jail.”
She paused and let that sink in. Whenever she mentioned my dad, I felt a knot in my stomach like I was going to be sick. “But you have time to recover and move forward. The court wants you to see a counselor, and hopefully, we can find the right person for you.”
I felt the tears rolling down my face. Up until that moment, I’d never felt scared. Now, that was all I could feel. I jumped at every shadow, expecting to be grabbed and abused all over again. I felt my mom envelop me in a bear hug.
“Mrs. Dombrowski and I will do our best to watch out for the two of you girls. And Brooke’s sister Melody will help us, too. We figure that we women will be able to keep you safe. The judge has already told us that the halfway house will be in another county on the other side of the state near where your grandmother lives. If your father ever tries to come after us, his alarm will go off; he will be arrested and go back to jail.”
“I know you’re frightened, but eventually realize you're safe.”
This hopefully meant that Brooke and I had a real summer ahead of us. I tried to be positive. “Uh, can we shop for clothes? I would like to have a whole new wardrobe and donate Howard’s clothes. Maybe we can go to the mall.”
Mom frowned. “Sure, I understand how important it is for you to feel as good as possible. But right now, we have a money problem. I used up a lot of our savings to pay for the lawyers. And without your dad’s paycheck, we'll have to live on my salary now. My counselor’s salary will cover our bills, but we don’t have much left over for luxuries. But it’s not the end of the world. We'll learn to make due.”
“Can we afford to go see these new doctors to help me with my transition?”
“Sure. Our insurance covers them. That’s another benefit of working for a hospital system. And I have already requested an appointment with HR to see about a raise and the opportunity to work more hours within their counseling services.”
I could only nod and hope for the best. I was worried about my dad and now, our money, too.
Mrs. Dombrowski encouraged Brooke’s older sister to take us to the mall on Saturday. I explained that we wouldn’t spend any money and told her about our finances.
“Well, I think that even a little walk around will help you to relax and stop worrying.” She handed each of us a ten-dollar bill. “Lunch is on me.”
Saturday at the mall is always fun. The mall always tries to have something going on, and there was a teen fair this week. There were lots of booths, and it looked like a carnival. People were selling homemade jewelry, trinkets, scarves, felt berets, and other cool stuff.
Melody walked behind us. “Haley, maybe we need to buy you a head scarf or a beret.”
Brooke laughed and turned to her sister. “No, she doesn’t need a coverup. That stuff will draw attention to her head.”
I nodded. "Yeah. Right now, I just look like some punk kid with a buzz." I still looked more like a girl with my clothes and the bits of makeup I was wearing.
They were debating this as we walked by another booth. The woman working there overheard us. She turned and saw the scars and stitches.
I self-consciously ran my hand over my head. I could feel my hair it growing back. It looked a lot like a shave, but it was more uneven. “Uh, kinda like a court case and abuse. But it’s growing back.” I shook my head and wiped my eyes before a tear started to form.
“I’m Leana Johnson, and I’m a professional photographer. I like your look and think it’s unique. I’d emphasize it rather than hide it. Everybody always wants to look the same these days. Earrings would look nice.”
She looked me over. As she did, a man walked up to us. His name tag read George Johnson, Johnson Studios. “I could work with it, emphasize it. Nice variation.”
Leana smiled. “I’m sure you’ve noticed that mannequins are timeless. Their looks purposely don’t take away from the clothes. Have you ever thought of being a model?”
My Spidey sense was on alert, and I wondered what nonsense they were selling. I sounded defensive but spoke my mind. “No, I think that you’re spinning dreams here. I’ll bet you want to sell me modeling lessons so you can rake in big bucks.”
George laughed. He sounded like Santa Claus and that ho-ho-ho kind of laugh. “We don't do model training. That's not our business. Our trade is online catalog photography. We shoot clothing from manufacturers so they can provide the online stores with photos of their products. We have large contracts with companies but are always looking for kids who want to model our children’s lines.”
I heard Brooke sigh longingly.
I turned and looked at her. “What?”
“Oh, Haley. I'd love to be a model. It seems like such a romantic life. Travel, clothes, glamour, boys, and more boys.”
I turned to the Johnsons and immediately blurted out, “I can’t afford modeling lessons, and I’m trans.”
The woman smiled and nodded. “Honey, you're beautiful, and I love your red hair. Don’t worry. I’m not interested in taking your money. I was thinking about paying you money. How would you like to work with us doing online catalog modeling?”
Brooke and I listened as Leana told us about working for her during the week. They wanted twelve-year-old models for the children’s line they shot. She got our attention when she said, “Fifty dollars an hour, and you keep all the clothes you model.”
George handed us each a contract and told us to take them home and talk to our parents. He said we would work twenty hours each week in their studio during the summer. "During the school year, it's half of that."
On the way home, Brooke and I discussed making money and getting more clothes. We were excited, and I couldn’t wait to talk to my mom.
“Mom, I can make money, a thousand dollars each week! And I get free clothes. And yes, I told them that I was trans, and they seemed okay with that. Melody said she could be our driver, but we’d have to pay her. I can also work during the school year.”
Mom listened.
“Mom! I’m so excited. This is a dream come true.”
Mom frowned. “It sounds like a dream. I hope it all works out. Of course, I am going to say yes and call our lawyer. I want his opinion and want him to check any contract that you are signing. I will be the signing adult, but the money will all be yours. I will only be a gentle brake so you don’t go on a spending spree. But let's take one step at a time.”
a note from the author:
I wanted to mark the publishing of Wildcats 4: A Rock n Roll Odyssey as a Kindle Book, so I penned this one in it’s honor.
Twins
Chapter One
Taylor stood in front of the full-length mirror evaluating herself.
It was ironic how she used any flat reflective surface just to audit her look. Recently, she’d become much more aware of how her presence affected her world. A smile towards a stranger on the street elicited a returned look of warmth and approval.
She liked the way doors were opened, and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d been in a bar and paid for her own drink.
Her new extensions looked great. Not only did they add mass, but they also added length. Taylor appreciated the effort the stylist had made in matching up her blonde color and highlights. She wanted a golden color to look soft and natural. She hated the phrase brassy bottle blonde.
As she turned sideways, she adjusted the strings and smoothed the material on her suit. She always worried that it wouldn’t look right. Of course, in her mind, okay meant perfect.
Taylor knew she fussed too much. Emily reminded her to relax. Her goal was to look as if she’d been wearing bikinis all her life. She calculated how short her life as a woman had been and grinned.
She adored the body she and Emily had designed together. Taylor had cultivated a fashion model’s look of small breasts, small waist, curvy hips, and buttocks. She felt her B-cups looked just fine on her slight frame. Standing five foot ten inches and weighing a hundred and twenty pounds, Taylor seemed very confident in her skin.
Of course, she always checked her tuck. Emily assured her that it looked fine, but Taylor still felt something might suddenly go wrong. The constant pressure reassured her that everything was pushed back and invisible.
Fortunately, after all those years of estrogen, she had suffered some shrinkage and a lot more elasticity. The good news was that with a little dose of Viagra, everything still woke up and went to work.
She stood on her tiptoes and smiled. All her implants looked natural, and the scars were now invisible. Taylor kept reminding herself everything was the way it should be.
She checked the time. Emily should be inside the airport by now.
Chapter Two
Emily stood by gate 26A watching the arriving New York flight unload its passengers. It was a Nevada bright sunny day in Sin City, USA as the smiling tourists filed up the ramp eager to frolic and gamble in Las Vegas.
She chuckled as one tourist excitedly called to his wife, “Look, Martha. They even have slot machines in the airport!” Emily smiled, thinking the politicians would have put them on the airplanes if they could get away with it.
Emily spotted Nina immediately. Her twin sported a new haircut but looked a little tired. Joy spread across Nina’s face when she spotted Emily.
Emily watched as Nina stepped out of line and headed her way. They both wrapped their arms around each other in a joyful hug. When they parted, Nina had tears in her eyes. “It’s so good to see you, sis! How long has it been?”
Emily also wiped the mist from her eyes. “Too long! Identical twins should never be separated like this!
“Let me think. You were assigned to Brussels, and I had just started my course work at Jefferson. Oh, so let’s see…”
Nina hugged her close again. “Five years. I can’t believe we’ve been apart for so long. This has been the longest time we’ve been away from each since before birth!”
“And here I thought that us going to different colleges was hard to deal with. But even then, we’d always get together every holiday at home with mom and dad.” Emily squeezed her sister tightly for emphasis. “It’s been too long. I really missed you.”
As they walked hand in hand towards the signs that read luggage and exit, Emily looked crestfallen. “Back then, we couldn’t contemplate coming to visit you in Europe. We were so poor. It broke my heart not to be able to squeeze you and hold you close.”
Nina kissed her twin’s cheek. “No matter how many times you Skype or iChat, it’s just not the same.”
As they stopped to hug again, Nina whispered to her sister. “Have you and mom worked things out yet?”
Emily hesitated and took a deep breath. She looked up at the ceiling before sadly shaking her head. “Kinda, but not really. Since we moved out here to Las Vegas, things have smoothed out some. I’ve been talking to mom more frequently, but I’ve had no luck with dad. In his mind, Taylor doesn’t exist anymore, and it’s all my fault.
“The latest nonsense dad is telling mom is that he knew all along that Taylor was trouble. He’s claiming he could see the future and tried to warn me, but I wouldn’t listen. Dad has decided I ignored his advice. Can you believe he’s really blaming me for marrying Taylor?
“Dad says that it all started with my poor choice in guys. He says I could never get it right. He blames me for everything.”
Nina laughed. “You should have come back and said you always picked guys who were the opposite of dad’s overbearing, demeaning, dictatorial behavior. You should have said you were looking for a partner and not a boss!”
Emily nodded and laughed. “Oh yeah, that would have won me a lot of points! Dad’s not big on taking criticism. Oh, my God! Wouldn’t he have flipped out!”
Nina didn’t have the heart to admit her misgivings when Emily and Taylor decided to marry straight out of college. Nina sighed, “You were both so young and deeply in love with each other. I was jealous of the passion the two of you showed. It’s like Taylor took my place in your heart, and I got pushed out.”
Emily looked horrified. “Really? Is that what you thought? Well, when you went away across the Atlantic, my husband did fulfill an intimacy that up until then, I had only shared with you. I think that identical twins do reveal more to each other than the rest of the world does. Maybe you’re right.
“But, now you’re back, and we can be together again just like old times. I know I have room in my heart and my life for Taylor and you!”
Nina smiled and stopped to hug again. “I really missed you. There were a couple of times that I just wanted to hop on a plane and fly home to visit. But things between you guys and the parents blew up, and it was easier to just travel through Europe with Gisele and wait until everything back home got settled.”
Emily covered her mouth and blushed with embarrassment. “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m so busy talking about us, I forgot to ask about your girlfriend. How is Gisele?”
Nina smiled at the thought of her German lover. “She’s wonderful. Hopefully, Gisele will be coming over soon. Our company might let me hire her to work on my project here in this country.”
Nina laughed and turned to her twin. “Yeah, and don’t you know I’ve avoided telling mom and dad their ‘good’ daughter has a girlfriend. I’m going to hold off for as long as I can until I have to share that news. I’m guessing it will push dad over the edge.”
Emily shook her head. “Well, they’ve still our parents regardless of what we say or do. We didn’t get that choice. And I still love them for everything they did do for me.
“It’s a shame they’re stuck in the last century enjoying their prehistoric values, and well, they’ve rejected my husband altogether. Mom even told me that because of dad, she can’t accept Taylor anymore.
“She said what he’s done to himself is against God’s intent. And you know mom was told to think that from our dear old father.”
Nina frowned as she thought about that. “That must be hard to hear. I know, growing up, just how wrong dad could be. But, back then, when he was the boss, I really felt sorry for mom.
“But, how is Taylor taking all this rejection?”
Chapter Three
Emily looked away for a minute, then turned to her sister. “Yeah, well, we talked long and hard about this subject before he went full time. I think Taylor and I both expected some people to reject her when she came out with her announcement. But we never thought the only people to shun her would be our own mom and dad. Well, dad, I guess. Mom still tries to talk to me, but not when dad’s around. It’s sad to see how mom tiptoes around dad’s sour attitude.”
Emily tried to hold a smile on her face. “I guess it’s a lot harder for me. Taylor said he sensed from the beginning he was never their type of guy. He knew they’d decided he wasn’t man enough the first time he came to our house.
“But, all along, I just ignored the superficial criticism and snide remarks they would make. To them, right from the start, Taylor was too odd. And at this point in her life, Taylor’s just not interested in hearing lectures from them anymore. And she’s happy to leave all the small minds behind. I know she feels bad for me, sometimes.
“I wish things were better, but they’re not. I’ve just had to face their rejection.” Emily gave a long dramatic sigh. “I never wanted to be the one to break up our family. And with you moving three thousand miles across the Atlantic, well, it was difficult since I was the only one left behind.”
Emily had tried to work a couple of days each week at Jefferson doing rounds on the hospital floor. Even though she was almost finished her course load for her masters, taking shifts as a nurse brought in another paycheck.
The real burden fell on Taylor’s shoulders. He had taken the job with an auto parts warehouse when they both moved in together after college. But, while Emily enjoyed her nursing career and grad school, Taylor took on more hours at a place he’d come to dislike. Even working middle management in accounting, he was often on the floor with steel-toed boots and a hardhat.
He’d smile and kiss her gently. “I’m doing this to help us. All this working two shifts is not forever. We’re both working together to get you your degree. And tonight, because you work so hard, we can share a hot bath, and then I’ll massage your tired feet.”
Emily remembered how it started when she was in his arms and kissing him. She had only wanted to help. “Well, before any massage, I need to do some work on your nails and hands. Your skin is so rough, it feels like you’re scratching my skin with sandpaper.”
Taylor looked confused. “Really? I’m sorry about that. But what can I do?”
Emily had already reached for her bottle of coconut oil. “This will soften your calluses, and then I’ll show you how to file your nails with an Emory board.”
Taylor laughed. “Filing my nails and rubbing in hand cream doesn’t go along with my steel-toed work boots, safety goggles, and hard hat in the warehouse at work.”
Emily kissed him tenderly as she watched him rub the lotion into his skin. “Now, doesn’t that feel better to have smooth skin? And when I’m done, you’ll have pretty cuticles and beautiful nails.”
After he’d experienced his first manicure, Taylor looked at his hands and felt this warm feeling deep inside his chest. He looked up and kissed her. “Let me try painting your toenails like I watch you do.”
Emily laughed. “Sure. But only if I can paint your toenails pink when you’re done. No one at work will know how pretty your feet are inside those ugly boots you’re required to wear.”
Taylor grinned. “Sure. Why not have a little fun!”
After he had nibbled on Emily for a while, he painted her toes, one at a time. Taylor was pleased to see how excited he was getting his girlfriend. “You like that, don’t you?”
“Oh, honey. This is more fun than anything else I could think of doing. I just love being with you.” She emphasized this by reaching down between his legs and freeing his engorged member.
When Emily’s toes were all done, Taylor blew on them until they had set up and dried. She was so turned on that she had taken him into her mouth as deep as she could swallow. They both laughed when he slid down her throat. “Oh, baby, you’re just so big!”
Then, Emily had Taylor strip down and present his toes to her. He watched with curiosity to see what Emily was going to do.
One at a time, Taylor watched his toenails turn glossy pink. He never realized what a turn on it was. Taylor was hard and ready. He couldn’t wait and had Emily wide and wet as he pumped forever. Every time he slowed down, he’d look at his toes and get turned on again.
The next day, and for many workdays after that, Taylor found himself turned on all day at work just thinking about what was hidden inside his work boots. He couldn’t wait to get home to ravage his wife and show just how excited he felt.
While they were showering together after an exhausting lovemaking session, Emily pulled out her pink razor. “Let’s lose that hair on your legs and really accent those pretty feet and toes. I think you have shapely, long legs that any woman would be proud of.”
Taylor was a little shocked when Emily called him pretty, but it didn’t bother him. After drying off and using moisturizer, the sensation of touching his own legs was amazing. He couldn’t stop getting excited. And, shaved legs and painted toenails were easy to hide at work.
Before too long, Emily had helped him shave all the hair off his body. They both loved fooling around in bed, touching smooth skin. Taylor had never reached such incredible heights of passion.
Eventually, one of Emily’s friends at the hospital got Taylor a discount, and he underwent electrolysis and laser hair removal. After six months of painful treatments, the only hair left on his body was on the top of his head. He was pleased to see that no one at work was aware of his newfound love of smooth skin and painted toes.
Each day, the couple took themselves to new heights of passion with their after work experimentation. When Emily suggested that Taylor wear some of her lingerie, he hesitated. He couldn’t see the point or the turn on for his wife. When he tried her suggestion, he realized how much he loved it.
“I don’t know if I ever want to wear my own underwear again. Your stuff makes me feel so turned on. The silkiness rubbing against my smooth skin. It’s making my head spin, and I feel flushed. I wonder what’s really happening to me?”
Emily had always loved Taylor’s feminine side and tried to encourage him. But, even she was amazed at how fast he embraced this new world she was presenting. It was like once she opened the floodgates, everything changed.
Taylor loved wearing her undergarments at work. And when he was home, he eagerly let Emily dress him up and put makeup on his face. Much to both of their surprise, a new person was emerging in the mirror that they loved.
Chapter Four
One Saturday, after Emily had made Taylor over, they went out to the mall together to get his ears pierced. This first-time experience had his heart racing. He was nervous about cross-dressing in front of all these strangers.
But, Taylor was so turned on that they had to use the mall restroom and the back seat of their car to help relieve some of Taylor’s excitement. He’d never experienced anything like it, and Emily enjoyed it just as much.
Taylor was amazed. Being out in public, walking in a dress and flats turned him on. Taylor loved pretending he had real breasts in his bra cups and a vagina between his legs. His loosely flowing hair, the new hoops in his ears, and the polish on his nails were making him short of breath. At that moment in time, Taylor realized he wanted it all to be real!
When they got home, they didn’t make it to the bedroom. The couch and the rug were fine for them. Taylor pulled his skirt up and pulled his panties aside to free himself. Emily was doing the same thing as they went at it like rabbits. Emily struck a chord when her moistened fingers disappeared between his checks. Taylor lost his mind with these new found experiences that brought him so much pleasure.
As dressing up became second nature for Taylor, he’d sometimes wonder where all of this was leading him. He chose to enjoy it rather than resist, and it wasn’t long before that’s all he could think about. His days flew by at work as he thought about all the outfits he could wear at night and on the weekend.
Emily and Taylor started prowling the second hand and resale shops in Philly. Soon, Taylor’s closet was as full as his wife’s. Of course, new Taylor was kinda like a wife, too.
He loved the cross-dressing and fantasy. The new Taylor was having fun and loved where Emily was taking him.
Emily sounded so confident and happy when she talked about their lives. “We’re making a living now and don’t have to worry about money anymore. Everyone who gave us loans for our startup website has been paid back, too. We’re doing fine.”
Nina laughed. “I have to tell you thanks for paying me back so quickly. I gave you everything I had in the bank. I was surprised to have it back so soon.”
Nina gave her sister a hug. “I worried how you’d still be struggling. But, I’m happy things have gone so smoothly. And you! But you look so beautiful and a lot better than I do. I look more Iike an older sister than your identical twin. I have to start drinking whatever magic potion you are swallowing down.”
Emily blushed. “Well, I don’t know how much swallowing you’re going to want to do when you find out what goes down my throat. But, it’s really all about diet and exercise.
They laughed as they waited to get Nina’s luggage off the airport carousel.
Nina looked at her sister. “Seriously, you look great. Besides swallowing Taylor’s stuff, what’s your secret?”
Emily smiled. “Well, you know Taylor’s whole world changed over the past couple of years. And when Taylor embarked on her new life, she dedicated herself to exercise and dieting. I was so immersed in grad school that I ate whatever she cooked. I followed along with her to the gym. And as a result, I lost a lot of fat that was slowing me down. But, if you think I look good, wait till you see Taylor. She’s become so beautiful!”
Chapter Five
Nina thought about Emily’s descriptor for her husband but didn’t say anything. She’d only known Taylor when he started dating Emily and then when they lived together. But, she was away at a different school and only saw them both at holidays.
She’d always looked at the man Emily married with a bit of curiosity. Nina knew Taylor loved her sister, Emily, but they were just so young. And Taylor looked like he was sixteen.
Nina had been the maid of honor at her sister’s wedding, but since then, hadn’t seen either of them. When they all graduated from college, Nina’s company relocated her overseas to supervise a big European contract.
And Emily was right. Dad never felt comfortable around Taylor. Nina was sure Dad had pegged Taylor as being gay. With his long, flowing hair and his thin frame, their dad couldn’t understand what Emily saw in the boy.
Her parents had been opposed to Emily’s marriage and didn’t like their new son-in-law. They confused metrosexual with gay and thought all expressive, artistic men were queer. Her own father said that any man who loved keeping the house so much had to be a fairy.
Nina could still hear his cigarette smoke raspy voice. “Look at him. He does all the grocery shopping, the cooking, and the housekeeping. I mean, what man likes to do the laundry? Imagine him folding his wife’s underwear!”
And of course, since all the changes happened with Taylor, it had become a big ‘I told you so, and no one ever listens to me’ pity party. When Nina tried to point out it was Emily’s life, they almost disowned her for defending her sister.
Nina thought it was so wrong that her parents had written Emily and Taylor out of their lives. Nina knew her mom still received verbal abuse at home. No one could say anything to their dad.
But, each time her mom called her, Emily was always brought up. Nina knew her mom was concerned for her estranged daughter, but she felt her hands were tied. It broke Nina’s heart to see these two women she loved so much, so broken-hearted.
Chapter Six
Nina turned to her sister. “Tell me about Taylor’s transition. I’m really curious. It’s all happened long distance for me, and well, I want to understand.
Emily blushed. “Well, I have my theory about Taylor’s deep-seated needs. I’m sure that I awakened and encouraged her, but I think those feelings had to be inside her all along.
“It all started when we were first married. We’ve always enjoyed each other in bed. But, I pointed out to my new husband that he was hurting me with his rough-skinned hands and broken nails. I was complaining about how he was scratching me when we made love. So, I showed him how to file his nails and use hand cream.
“Well, my baby loved filing his nails so much, he even did mine. One thing led to another, and the next Sunday afternoon, I taught Taylor how to paint my toenails. He loved it and then insisted on learning how to give me a manicure.
“Well, and maybe I got carried away when I painted his toenails bright pink, but Taylor loved it! I remember how he squealed with delight.
“This bit of rebellion became his girly secret. Taylor hated his job and his brightly painted nails hidden inside his steel-toed work boots made it more tolerable. And he rewarded me with some of the longest lovemaking sessions, I’d ever known. I mean, he was so ready and turned on. It was mind-blowing for me.
“Of course, after I showed him how to shave his legs to make his painted toes look even prettier, well, you’d have thought I threw a drowning man a lifeline. It was all our secret, just the two of us against the world.
“Now, I’m sure this is too much information. My Taylor is very well-endowed, and with those magic pink toenails, he brought me to climax so many times, I had to beg for mercy every night.”
Emily grinned then shook her head. “Soon, he was using moisturizer and lotions for his skin. We both loved the smooth feeling of his legs, and Taylor decided to have all the hair on his body waxed, and then later, he had all his body hair permanently removed. His needs and desires were moving ahead at light speed. I don’t think he could have stopped if he wanted to.
I think he was fulfilling a destiny that he’d kept suppressed so deeply, he didn’t even know about it himself. But, Taylor finally found what he needed to feel whole.
“My Taylor was supporting us for years while I was in graduate school. He was still working in the auto supply store and working hard to make ends meet.
“After working double shifts, Taylor would come home an exhausted wreck each day and so our time in bed became a cheap, easy way to lift his spirits and erase that tension.
“At that point, Taylor felt free enough to start wearing my lingerie in bed and around the house. I often remarked what a beautiful woman he could make. I know I didn’t create his need to escape, but I encouraged it.
“Soon, I was close to graduating with my masters in nursing, and we both knew I would earn a hundred thousand dollars my first year at work. At that point, we thought long and hard about relocating before I applied for my license anywhere besides Pennsylvania.
“Taylor really looked forward to giving up his job at the auto parts store. It had become a despised place he went to make enough money to help us survive. Taylor often said it was his duty to keep us going.”
Nina laughed. “I can’t believe he was working in an auto parts company with shaved legs and painted toes. And you said he liked it?”
Emily laughed. “It turned out that my husband was a girly boy at heart. He loved wearing panties and stockings to work. Sometimes, he had a chemise under his work shirt, too. He even started filing his fingernails and coating them with a matte clear coat. Of course, he had his shoulder-length hair, but he kept it in a ponytail or a man bun. At night, well, we played, sometimes until the sun came up. He was so randy, and well, I loved it.”
Chapter Seven
Nina looked concerned. “So what made you decide on moving out to Las Vegas?”
Emily smiled. “Well, when I started putting out feelers, I heard back from a lot of places. But, I was recruited by the hospital system out here in Las Vegas. And Taylor knew he could get a job working in one of the casinos as a dealer. With his degree in business and software, he was sure he’d get promoted to a middle management position quickly.
“And the University Medical Center hospital group in Las Vegas really wanted me. They gave me an extra twenty-five grand to relocate and offered to pay our apartment rent for the first year. They had a senior staff member ready to retire and were looking forward to me coming out and training to replace her. It was too good a deal to pass up.
“But, then there was Taylor’s big dilemma. He really wanted to sport a different look before we relocated. He wanted to try cross-dressing full time before we moved and practice passing before we relocated. He said he was interested in cross-dressing full time now that he’d quit his job.
“Taylor had been dressing each weekend. Sometimes, he was the only one in the grocery store shopping in a tight skirt and three-inch heels. But, he was having fun.
“Taylor loved looking pretty inside and out. Most nights and weekends, we did everything together as two women.”
Nina looked strangely at her sister. “Didn’t this bother you? I mean, people were looking at your husband and thinking he was a woman.”
“Well, when you told me you’d fallen in love with a German woman named Gisele, I figured you’d understand. By the way, when are you going to tell mom or dad that you're gay?”
When Nina frowned and shook her head, Emily gave her a hug and kissed her on the lips. “Never. They can’t handle it. The two of you are just so much braver than I am.”
Emily hugged and kissed her again. “I guessed as much. After seeing how our parents behaved towards Taylor and me, there’s no reason to tell any truths. I think Taylor has made me a braver, stronger person. He had become so resolute in his cross-dressing, that I couldn’t say no. Instead of fighting, I did my best to help. He was finding such joy, it just didn’t seem right for me to put the brakes on.
“He talked about working as a woman and living full-time. He wanted to get a new drivers license and Social Security card that both said F for female.”
“Oh, wow! That sounds so crazy!”
“It made sense to me. If he was F for female, he could cross-dress full time. That’s what he wanted. Then, Taylor decided to get a complete makeover before we relocated. He had his hair done, got a mani-pedi, and had his eyebrows threaded and shaped. He said that before he looked for a job in Las Vegas, he wanted to become a full-time cross-dresser for now. He said he’d rather get hired dressing then try to hide himself any more.”
Emily looked a bit pained. “Well, I have to tell you about Taylor’s new look before we get out to our house. “Taylor realized that the girly-man inside him had to come out. He got his ears pierced, and Taylor decided to really work his look. He’d lost weight and was getting good at making himself quite pretty. This started upsetting my dad anytime we were together.
“Before we’d go to their house, Taylor would low key his appearance by removing all his makeup. He’d wear a simple blouse and slacks, and flats. He’d take off his lacy, padded bra. He’d remove his hip and bottom padding. He’d pull his hair back with a ribbon and take out most of his piercings. In my mind, he still looked feminine, but no padding gave him a more androgynous look.
“They’d never liked Taylor, and now my dad was getting all homophobic over him. You have to picture all this around the dinner table. Thanksgiving was a hoot with everyone in the family gathered at their house!”
“And if they had known that Taylor had been experimenting with estrogen, they’d have totally disowned us on the spot. He was starting to get enlarged nipples and small breasts. His rear end was rounding, and his skin was softening. He was practicing talking in a higher register and not hiding his feminine mannerisms. He was just so happy.
“Taylor jokingly threatened to dress up in full garb for that last Thanksgiving. At this point, Taylor could look beautiful even without a dress and stockings. He had a wonderful glow about himself. I talked him out of dressing because I just didn’t want an argument to start.
“And when I announced we were moving two thousand miles away to Las Vegas, I think both our parents were relieved.”
Nina gasped. “What did you say to Taylor when he told you he wanted to take estrogen?”
Emily nodded. “If that’s what he wanted to try, I was supportive. Actually, I wrote the prescription. And, we had long talks about the serious side effects. I was supervising his bloodwork and monitoring his health all the time, so he wasn’t jumping off a cliff. I mean, she really needed this. I’d never seen her happier.
“Taylor was a butterfly coming out of a chrysalis. A plain, skinny guy accused as being slightly girlish, maybe even gay. And suddenly, Taylor was happily wearing dresses and living as a woman.
“Every day, Taylor came home from work and took a shower. She’d put on fresh panties and a bra. Taylor would pick out a cute little tee shirt and tennis skirt. She’d brush her hair into a high ponytail and tie it off with a ribbon. I’d watch her put on a bit of mascara and a little gloss. She’d be beaming.
“It was wonderful to see her so happy.”
Nina just sat there listening. Emily sounded sincere and quite content. She didn’t seem disappointed or sad. It was apparent that she still was in love with her husband.
Chapter Eight
“And when Taylor started talking about transitioning, I really wasn’t surprised. After all, she really was enjoying the clothing and the makeup, and well, in my mind, she had already transitioned. But now she decided she wanted to live as a woman full time. She didn’t want to simply crossdress.”
“What did you tell him, er her?”
Emily shrugged. “I still adored my Taylor, and I’d celebrated the way she’d gotten happier each day. Without any doubts, I had to encourage her.
“Of course, I knew our marriage was over, and my husband had left forever. I assumed Taylor would live full time, transition, and leave me. I felt sorry for myself, but I loved Taylor too much to interfere. This was her destiny.”
Nina just listened as her twin poured her heart out. “I wish I had been there for you. That must have been so hard.”
“Well, I’d never seen Taylor so content. Once she’d made the decision, it was like all the walls had come down. She was beaming with joy.
“But, then, when I least expected it, Taylor told me she loved me more than ever. She wanted us to stay married, and she definitely didn’t want to have bottom surgery.
“Selfishly, I was relieved. For years, I had loved our bedroom play. Even with the estrogen flowing in Taylor’s bloodstream, add just a little viagra and everything worked fine. While her sex drive was blunted with all her medications, she could still enjoy our lovemaking.
“We decided that instead of going with large doses of estrogen to feminize Taylor’s old body, we would monitor her dosage carefully. We chose to use surgery to enhance her breasts, hips, and a pretty round bottom.
“Before we left town, Taylor quit work and went to our salon for a makeover. She had her hair permed and highlighted. When she came out of there, you would never have known what was between her legs. While she still had a boyish look about her facial features, you’d have never guessed she was a guy.”
“What was Taylor planning to do when you got to Las Vegas?”
“Taylor was hoping for a complete facial feminization surgical procedure before she applied for a new job. We decided to spend my signing money, and she went under the knife.
“Taylor had her jaw reduced, a nose job, a brow sanding, and got her Adam’s apple shaved. She was back on her feet in four weeks because she had the best nurse practitioner in Las Vegas caring for her.
“Taylor applied for a job in a big casino and was hired immediately as a dealer. She explained that she was transgender and her pit boss was okay with that. Taylor was wearing padding to give herself a feminine shape, so no one was the wiser. As soon as she started getting paid and receiving benefits, Taylor began scheduling enhancement surgeries to replace her padding.
“Within six months, Taylor was totally reconstructed. Since my husband was five foot nine, my new wife decided to go for a slight, pretty figure. She had trimmed down to one-hundred-twenty-five pounds. She had a cute B cup, slight hips, and the cutest round bottom. Taylor was gorgeous and happy.”
Nina looked incredulous. “And you were okay with that?”
Emily laughed. “Why not? My lover was happy, and I loved my new nursing career. With our latest jobs and holding on to our lives together, we were both floating on air.
Chapter Nine
“We had been in Las Vegas for six months. I had settled into my new role at the hospital and loved my job. We were looking to buy a house.
“Taylor decided to apply for a new job within her casino. She chose to be a hostess. Taylor felt she could make more money serving drinks and waiting on customers than dealing cards at the blackjack table.
Taylor gleefully abandoned her dealer’s uniform for cocktail dresses. I knew she loved parading around in dresses and higher heels. Taylor loved her new glamorous look. And of course, when she dressed up, the tip money flowed.
“And she was in her feminine glory dressing up each night and waiting on people. She was enjoying the low cut dresses showing off her little boobs and short skirts curving around her gentle hips and across her tight bottom. Taylor had become a fantasy wet dream and was loving it.
“And then came the offers.”
Nina looked surprised. “Huh? Offers?”
“Well, after all, this is Las Vegas. And here she was, working in a glamorous hotel right on the strip. She was dressed to the nines and looked quite tasty. I sometimes wondered what conversations she was getting into at work. I suspected that she’d get all sorts of offers for some hanky-panky.”
Nina looked shocked. “Seriously, did you think that your Taylor was fooling around on you?”
Emily frowned. “I wasn’t sure. But, I gave her a free pass and a green light. I knew she’d never been with a man and was probably dying of curiosity. And I’m sure she was getting offers left and right.
“You know that Las Vegas has a reputation and well, I wasn’t trying to make a big deal out of Taylor cheating on our relationship. We talked about it, and eventually, I convinced her to just give it a try. You know, maybe just start off with a little oral with someone that knew she was trans. I never wanted her to get hurt picking up some guy who was going to get upset when he found out about her past.”
Nina looked surprised. “I don’t know if I could be you. What if after all of this time, Taylor decided to leave you for another person, a man or another woman?”
Emily smiled. “You’re right. That could very well happen, especially since we’ve dropped the conventional rules of marriage.
“I guess judgment words like infidelity or cheating had to be ignored in our case. In my mind, Taylor has to want to be with me as much as I want to be with her.”
Emily grinned. “I still believe in true love. I think that all this crazy behavior leads us to where we’re supposed to go.
“Whether Taylor is meant to be with me or not, isn’t important. I love her. If it’s a one-way street that leads us to part, well, I’ll understand. The fact she might need to go her own way to seek her happiness would make part of me sad since I love her so much. But, the fact that she finds joy will gladden me as well.”
Nina giggled. “You and your Princess Bride fixation! But, you’re here in Las Vegas! You trust your beautiful wife to return after she’d been in bed with a man.”
Emily shrugged. “Asking her to hold back and deny herself would be telling her she could be a woman in name only. If she has to kiss a lot of frogs to reaffirm our bond of love, it’s really okay.
“Before I met Taylor, I had other relationships. I probably had more sexual partners and had more realizations, too. It’s not all about fucking, but the time that surrounds the act. I think that’s true love.”
Nina shook her head. “I don’t know if I’m there yet.”
Emily laughed. “Okay, I’ll give you an example. If I was staying at your house, would you be confident enough within yourself to invite me to join in lovemaking with your Gisele?”
Nina thought. “You mean, like the three of us?”
Emily laughed. “Would making love with your identical twin be an exploration or another form of masturbation?”
Chapter Ten
Nina had a strange look on her face when she kissed her sister on the lips. “I remember we used to practice kissing together when we were teenagers. But, never as far as a climax or an orgasm.”
Emily smiled and kissed back. “There’s a big porn industry out here in Las Vegas and well, when Taylor had changed jobs within the casino, she had gotten noticed.
“Suddenly, here was this beautiful blonde working out on the casino floor waiting on the crowds wearing cocktail dresses and always having her hair and makeup looking perfect. She was a standout and a new face. With all the tip money rolling in, she was tempted.”
Nina looked at her sister. “Did you ever worry about Taylor after you encouraged her? I mean, I’d be a nervous wreck!”
Emily nodded. “I assumed she would try it out. I figured as a woman, she’d want what we all get and enjoy. I just took it for granted that my baby was enjoying all her new assets. I think that was part of her coming of age.
“But, to me, it didn’t seem very important if she was having sex with guys. I mean, I certainly enjoyed having a man treat me like a woman before I was married and I just assumed my baby had to make up for lost time.
“There were some nights where she didn’t come home, and there were a few occasional crushes on someone she’d met and slept with. But none of that lasted, and she always stayed my soul mate. In a way, I thought it was good that she spread her wings and her legs. I figured that she’d appreciate what we had together.”
Nina was shocked. “I can’t believe you let him cheat on you and violate your marriage vows.”
Emily shook her head. “No. I married a man who stayed faithful to me. My husband never cheated. He wasn’t running around on me with other women.
“And the new Taylor, well, all her affairs were with men. Knowing she was trans, didn’t affect her popularity with the guys. She was the new girl on the block that everyone wanted to meet. And Taylor enjoyed being fussed over and complimented. She loved it that men wanted to buy her a drink and ask her out.
“What I liked about my sweetie is that she shared the fact that she was trans. Anyone who wanted to spend time with her was informed upfront. She didn’t keep it a secret, and while that discouraged some guys, most men were intrigued.”
Emily smiled like she remembered all the nighttime conversations they had. “And then something different happened. One night, a producer, asked Taylor if she wanted to do porn. When she revealed she was trans and still well endowed down there, well, this guy immediately offered her big money just to shoot a solo. She said she’d have to think about it. So, Taylor came home and asked me what I thought.”
Nina nodded. “And I’ll bet you told him to turn down the porn offer? Right?”
Chapter Eleven
Emily smiled. “No. I suggested that she go out on her own. I told her to investigate starting up her own site and selling memberships. We looked around, talked to some knowledgable people, and got some excellent advice.
"We looked around at the technology and searched out the money for a startup. Taylor’s site is called Play Time With Trisha. She took on a public name to separate our real lives from her on-screen persona.
“And it’s been up and running for six months. So for half a year, Taylor has been staring in her own films and running the site herself.”
Nina looked shocked. “Seriously? So you watched while Taylor made it with guys? How strange was that?”
“It started out as solo stuff. Experimenting with sex toys. Then it became more varied using men as sex objects, and then real lovemaking. Taylor knows how to heat up the screen. She’s become very good at sex in front of the camera.”
Nina’s eyes opened wide. “How’d that make you feel?”
“Honestly? Very turned on. I loved watching her, almost as much as taking part.” Emily nodded. “And the best part was when she asked me to join her on camera!
“It became a real turn on for me. I never realized how much of an exhibitionist I was until I tried it out!”
Nina shook her head. “Oh, wow!”
Emily nodded. “It’s all I do now.”
Nina was shaking her head. “Join in? You mean you gave up nursing? I can’t believe you gave up your professional career to perform in live sex shows!”
Emily smiled and told Nina how much money they’d made in the past six months.
“What? You’re kidding!” Nina watched Emily nod her head.
“Seriously, I find that hard to believe! What’s your role?”
Emily laughed. “I don’t do much. We just roll the cameras and then make love. Our cameraman is our director and producer. So our costs are pretty controlled.
“We do it once a day for about thirty minutes. It’s pretty simple, and we’re not acting. When either of us has an orgasm, we just show it on the screen.”
“Aren’t you afraid of getting caught or arrested?”
“No. This is Nevada. Everything is pretty much done here all the time.”
Nina looked shocked. “Will I recognize Taylor? Has he changed that much?”
Emily nodded. “She’s so much more beautiful and well, if you didn’t know her background, you’d just think she was a showgirl off the strip.”
Chapter Twelve
When they arrived at Emily and Taylor’s place, Nina was impressed. It was a beautiful house on a cul-de-sac with lots of property. As they drove up into the driveway, they parked next to a Range Rover and a Porsche.
Emily helped with the luggage. “The Porsche belongs to Terry Henderson. He’s our cameraman, director, and producer. You’ll love him. He’s a dish!”
Nina laughed. “Well, since we’re so honest, I still enjoy the occasional guy. Is he available?”
Emily nodded. “Oh, yeah. He’s so cute.”
As they walked into the entrance hall, Emily took a right and led her sister down a hall. This brought them to the guest bedroom and bathroom. “This is yours as long as you’d like. You can stay forever! I love you, sis. It’s so good to have you home!”
And a few minutes later, they walked by the kitchen. And at that moment, Nina came face to face with the new Taylor. She was just as gorgeous as her sister described. Lots of naturally blonde hair, a beautiful face accentuated with a touch of makeup, and a nice lean long legged body. Taylor’s delicate features and cute curves made her look so innocent and disarming. She was wearing a bikini and a gauzy robe that hid nothing. Instinctively, Nina looked down between Taylor’s legs at the flat fronted bikini bottom.
Taylor smiled and winked when she saw where her sister-in-law’s eyes had traveled. “Nina, tucking is an art made more comfortable because everything is a bit more flexible these days. And camouflage is part of my everyday life.
“But, I’d recognize you anywhere. You and your sister are two of my favorite women in the universe. Welcome to our house!”
“Oh, Taylor, I would have never recognized you. You look incredibly gorgeous, and I’m jealous!”
Taylor hugged her, and Nina could feel his breasts rub against hers. “I’ll give you the name of all my wonderful surgeons. I love every one of them!”
Nina kissed Taylor on the lips, then petted her curves. “Thank you, honey. I can see what they’ve done for you. Emily tells me just how happy you are!”
Taylor looked at her wife. “It’s a dream come true. I just didn’t know that it was my dream, but here I am! Are you going to watch our filming? We’re on in an hour.”
“On, So soon?”
“Oh yes, we broadcast live to our subscribers at least twice a week at six eastern standard time. That means we start at three.”
Emily smiled at her sister. “C’ mon, Nina. We have time to get you settled and then you can decide whether to watch our broadcast or take a swim in the pool. I’ve got a suit for you. I went ahead and bought you several new ones. They’re on the bed in your room.”
“And your room is at the other end of the house. That way, you’re removed from the noise and traffic we have here during the day.”
“Traffic?”
“Well, our home is our office. So you’ll see the occasional business meeting or porn star who wants to work with Taylor. She’s the new face on the block, and a lot of people want to appear on her site and urge her to reciprocate. It’s a money thing.”
Nina grabbed her sister’s hand. “I can’t believe that you’re making so much money. That’s unreal!”
Emily laughed. “We know it won’t last. We should see a fall off in six months to half of what we’re bringing in. Taylor will have to find something else to do in a year, and maybe I’ll go back to nursing. None of this porn stuff lasts forever unless Taylor wants to tie herself to a large operation and sign a contract.”
Nina looked puzzled. “Is that bad?”
Emily shook her head. “Not bad. It’s just not for us. I don’t think Taylor wants to be in porn the rest of her life. I think she’s just making money while she can. There’s a real difference between the two of us fucking all the time, and Taylor fucking whomever the producers want to pair her up with.”
Nina looked puzzled. “I hear you switching pronouns with Taylor.”
Emily smiled. “That’s me. I slip up once in a while, especially when I’m talking to you cause you’re from the days when Taylor was my husband and a man.”
Nina nodded. “That’s understandable. I’ve decided that I want to watch your video. I figure I can swim anytime. How long do you perform for?”
Emily grinned. “I guess, since I’m in it today, we’ll go a full thirty minutes. But, it’s not scripted, and well, it’s how Taylor decides to run it. She creates the scenes, and I just take part.”
Nina really looked at her sister carefully. “How hard is it to perform in public? Don’t you get nervous?”
Emily nodded and hugged her sister. “Of course, I do. But, Terry is the only one watching us while we get it on. I don’t think about all those subscribers and what they’re doing!
“It’s like everything else. You do something enough, and you get used to it. I’ve always enjoyed sex and sex with Taylor is the best. We were made for each other.”
Nina shook her head. “Does it get boring?”
Emily kissed her sister on the cheek. “You watch and see if I look bored.”
Chapter Thirteen
Nina followed her sister to the other side of the house. She walked into an area that had once been a four-car garage. Now there was a newly raised roof, and the studio had been doubled in size. Nina looked up at the high ceilings with light poles and many different spotlights with colored filters on them. Everything looked very real and professional.
Against the back wall was a generous sized three-sided stage. It had eight foot high backdrops and was decorated to look like a bedroom. It was their movie set.
The bed took up most of the space on the stage.
Besides the set, three cameras in the air were all remotely controlled at a large table with monitors and joysticks. Terry stood up and introduced himself. Nina had a chance to look him over. Just like Emily said, he was cute.
Before they started, Nina watched Taylor pop a viagra and then Emily produced a joint. She lit it up and offered it to her twin sister. They both smoked. Taylor took one hit and then passed.
Once they were both high, they went on the set next to Taylor under the lights.
Emily looked at Nina’s growing smile as they stood there. “What?”
If it were possible, Nina’s smile widened further when she coquettishly replied, “I hear twins are pretty popular in the movies…”
Then the action really began...
postscript: I have a slew of Kindle books with lots of free chapters to preview. Just type in Leslie Moore to see the covers. Happy Memorial Day, 2019!
by Leslie Moore
Look for it soon on Amazon!
by Leslie Moore
Look for it soon on Amazon!
by Leslie Moore
Look for it soon on Amazon!
by Leslie Moore
Look for it soon on Amazon!
by Leslie Moore
Look for it soon on Amazon!
“Sit down, Teri. It’s good to see you.”
I straightened my skirt, making sure I smoothed it before I sat. I wondered just how wrinkled it would be when I stood up.
“How are you doing?”
“Fine, sir. Just fine.”
“How’s Juliet?”
I frowned. “Juliet, sir? The last time I saw her was at the lawyer’s office. That was seven months ago. I see the kids once a week, but I have to pick them up at her mother’s house.”
My boss frowned. “I’m sorry. I just saw the ring and, well, thought the two of you were trying to work things out.”
I touched the ring. It was thinner now. I’d gone to a jeweler and had it reduced to fit my finger. The big, thick heavy one I used to wear wouldn’t fit anymore. Losing seventy-five pounds had changed my body enough that nothing fit anymore. Not that I’d be wearing anything from my old life anyway.
No. I wore it as a reminder of what was. And to keep strangers from approaching me. I’m not ready to make small talk and well. I sighed. I was just not ready.
My boss looked uncomfortable. “Uh, that’s why I called you in. Well, we haven’t talked in a long time, and I just wanted to catch up.”
There really wasn’t a reason to come into his office. My own job was working remotely, and that hadn’t changed. I still worked in a shared space down in the Village. It was nice. I liked my fellow peeps, who all rented space with me.
Working remotely turned out to be great but lonely. Working from a small, cramped space in my condo was not ideal. I hated getting up in the morning and looking at the desk and the work I abandoned yesterday when I got too tired to see.
So, six months ago, I started renting a Share Space with twenty different people who all paid rent and in turn had their own cubicle. We also had a couple of coffee machines, a few couches, and a social life.
I lied. “Well, it’s good to see you, George. You haven’t changed.” George was fifty pounds overweight and never exercised. He seemed content to be a sedentary slug. It was his way of handling the pressure. And, that was his job. He dealt with the pressure.
George frowned. “Yeah, I’m still fat and getting older. But you look remarkably well. I had heard about your transition and how beautiful you had become, but I resisted just calling you in just to stare at. Maggie said she still had lunches with you and well, she kinda filled me in. But, I didn’t want to be some sort of a pervert and drool all over you.”
I laughed. It came out a little too brittle and thin. All the voice training never prepares you for the unexpected. But, my voice had changed just like the rest of me had. Instead of sounding like a nervous guy, I sounded like a nervous thirty-something woman.
I stood up and impulsively spun on my heels. I figured I’d give George the whole show. I knew he’d been eyeing me up when I walked in, but a slow twirl gave him an opportunity to just look without being shy.
I was proud of my hard work. I liked myself a lot more now. I used to hide my real self inside, keeping the real me suppressed. Then, two years ago, I gave up trying to be someone I wasn’t.
I gave up a lot. I gave up the love of my life, my children, and everything I knew. But, strangely enough, I was a much happier person. I was working it out.
I still saw my children and had established a good relationship. But, my wife was gone forever. We had been moving apart when I came out, which made it easier to speak the truth.
And once I told her, well, it was easier to tell everyone. And strangely enough, HR had protected me. And when the option came for half of us to work remotely, I took it. The buyout from the company in California had cemented that decision.
George gazed at me with a strange look in his eyes. I got a cold feeling running through my spine as I sat back down. The look was lust.
I’d seen it a lot. That’s why I had my wedding band remade to fit my thinner fingers. A woman with a wedding band was given a bye most of the time. Well, I guess that’s why I took cabs and didn’t like riding the subway alone.
It was strange. My whole perspective had taken a shift. I noticed things from a completely different point of view. Besides being three inches taller in heels, I saw things from that other side. The other side that I should have been born to.