Walking in Beckys Shoes
By: Julie D Cole

I guess I was about 14 when I had my first real chance to experience what it was like to be a girl like my sister who I’d admired so much growing up. After that things accelerated and it’s funny how your life can then change once you have tasted this pleasure and the ecstasy it provides. I soon realised that there is another side to my personality.

I had a fairly free access to all things beautiful in those days. My sister Rebecca had gone to University and my father was working in the Middle East and that left mum and I at home on our own. She’d taken an evening bar job for 5 nights per week so I got a lot of time to do homework, or should I say on my own. I’d been tempted to rummage around in my sisters wardrobe on many occasions but never really dared wear more than a few items of clothes and I’d purloined a few out of the charity bags that mum sometimes leaves at the end of the drive that were carefully stashed away in my built in wardrobe.

It had a removable panel that I’d found one day and I found that I could squeeze through the opening into the roof space that previous owners had fitted out with flooring and a storage chest. I guess dad must have known it was there but mum and Rebecca would never dare venture there in case of mice. It was a perfect secret hideaway for me and was window less and quite well lit by a large old 100 W light bulb. Lots of headroom since we lived in a large old house that had been built in the 1920’s.

I’d cleaned it and fitted it with some carpet tiles that dad had intended for the rubbish skip. I eventually smuggled in an old full length mirror and a stool from dads garage and an old suitcase where I safely stored the items of underwear that I had collected like a magpie and now they were all mine.

Anyway one day after school I was doing my revising for an examination when I had the urge to go upstairs and look through my sister’s closet. She looked after her clothes and saved a lot of things that still looked like new. She had a lot of shoes of all types including a few pairs of heeled boots and shoes that were my size. How did I know that? Well of course I’d had to try them and I’d not been disappointed each time the opportunity came up.

The trouble was the more I wore them the more I wanted to keep them on so I was wearing them around the house with some ankle socks. I had become quite proficient and loved to watch TV with my legs crossed. But dare I go any further and dare I wear tights or even stockings with a suspender belt? Wow I’d seen lots of pictures in mums magazines and catalogues. I wanted to see what I looked like in the highest heels. Why can’t men be allowed to wear shoes like this? Who decided they were exclusive to women? They wear mens style so it’s hardly fair.

I eventually treated myself to my own pair of tights whilst running an errand for mum. I selected medium size in a dark tan colour as my first gift to myself, pretending I’d been asked to buy them for mum. They were much thinner than my socks so it was easy to slip into shoes. So the time came for me to dress more fully and my favourite outfit was my sister’s school uniform since it seemed to be appropriate whilst I studied.

These experiences in my sister’s uniform meant that I wanted to look more like a girl each time I dressed. So to help I let my hair grow longer despite a few adverse comments that I ignored because it wasn’t the current fashion. I liked it and I brushed it as often as I could before I went to bed so it looked very healthy and quite feminine especially when parted from the left. I curled it under sometimes and used spray to hold it. It seemed to work OK and eventually I had to use a hair clip to stop it falling across my face.

I took to wearing a bra whenever I could and found that two small water filled balloons worked quite well and made me feel as if I had a natural bust. I didn’t ever want to remove them and smuggled a nightdress and underwear into my room and would sleep with the balloons in place with the bedroom door locked of course. I was also shaving my legs and armpits even though I hadn’t too much course hair anywhere. It was awkward at school for a while because the other guys in the class were proudly showing copious growths on legs and chests as a sign of their manhood. I was nicknamed ‘Girly Shirley.’

Anyway I avoided any confrontation or bullying and at the end of the summer I had a nice tan with smooth legs and hairless arms to match the smooth chest. I even took to trimming my pubic hair to keep it neat and tidy.

By now the evenings were drawing in a bit since it was already mid-October as I sat doing my studies and wishing I had some reference books or at least could visit the library. I decided that I’d go straight from school the next day and spend two hours researching and maybe even using the library computer instead of our apology for one. There were no laptops in those days just table tops or desktops.

As I left school I needed to call home to pick up my bag when I realised mum had already left to do some shopping before she started work. My dinner was ready to go in the oven when I finished at the library but I resisted the chance to eat it and went upstairs. Something seemed to drag me inside my sister’s room.

I quickly stripped off my clothes and I had a strong urge to go to the library dressed like this and felt confident since most of us at school were developing and lots of girls were still boyish and boys were going through various stages of puberty. Who would know as long as I got home safely?

I was soon leaving the house with my sister’s old school bag over my shoulder and wearing her short grey skirt, white socks and white blouse together with the deep pink school blazer and black school shoes. I felt great as the wind blew across my legs and it was a much nicer experience than I’d had in my football shorts and no grubby knees to be found. My legs looked great with white socks showing off my tan. I felt completely different to my normal self and so I tried to walk with small footsteps all the way to the library. There were a few other school children around but for some reason I didn’t mind. I didn’t see anyone that knew me.

I spent almost 2 hours in the library that night and to my surprise I worked quite hard and was hardly distracted by the fact that I was dressed like Rebecca. There were a few visitors and one girl who kept looking across at me and smiling. I wondered if she’d realised that I was in fact a boy but if she did then she didn’t do anything about it. As I left to go home she smiled and said ‘Hello I see you are called Beckie, I’m Millie.’

She’d obviously seen the name on my school bag.

I had no choice but to say hello after which she asked if I’d be visiting again tomorrow since she felt safe if another girl was around.

Mmm another girl? Maybe I could but really by this time I was worrying what might happen if someone recognised me.

“Beckie are you by any chance going down the High street since I’d rather walk with someone than go alone?’

I wasn’t but since it wasn’t much of a detour I decided to accompany her. “OK I am going that way but normally I’d cut across the field by the chemists shop on the corner but maybe it’s not so wise. “

“Oh good I’m ready so shall we walk together?”

As we walked down the street Mille smiled at me and said she hadn’t seen me before so which class was I in? I mumbled a few sentences naming a few teachers and girls in my class before finally we reached the point where our paths parted.

‘Same time tomorrow Beckie?’

“OK”

I headed for home and flopped onto my bed. Wow that was a stupid thing to do. Now she’d be looking for me at school and also I’d agreed to meet the following day.

Well I avoided her OK at school though I did think I saw her across the quadrangle. I was nervous as I walked home but the urge to repeat the experience was too much and so I dressed again and sure enough she was waiting for me at the library.

After a week we became good friends and Millie was asking more and more questions. I found myself answering as if I was her best friend or sister and we’d talk about TV and all sorts of different things. We became so absorbed in what we were doing that we were oblivious to the time so more often than not for the next few evenings we were asked to leave the library so it could close. It seemed so natural to be friends with each other and I really liked to dress in a skirt. We even used the bathroom together and Millie never seemed to stop chatting even whatever she was doing.

I would hurriedly wash and dry the blouses and underwear that I was wearing and was terrified in case mum appeared at home before I dried and ironed them and I had a few narrow escapes.

This carried on almost to Christmas that meant I was out in all weathers and had to borrow my sister’s school raincoat. It had a hood and it fitted very well. My legs were cold though so I decided to start wearing tights like Millie did. She made some nice comments about my shapely calves and slim ankles and I gave complements in return. I was behaving more and more like my sister and even mum had noticed and had commented on more than one occasion.

Then the surprise that spoiled all the fun. Millie asked me if I’d like to go shopping with her on Saturday and if I’d like visit and have tea at her house. I panicked. This was getting dangerous.

So I had to make an excuse and disappoint poor Millie. I made up some story about having to go away for the school holidays to stay with my dad. I hated to tell such lies as Millie was almost in tears. But I wasn’t exactly being truthful anyway and on balance I decided Millie would be more upset if she knew the whole truth.

So I put all my things in the box in the roof space and sealed up the access. I put my sister’s clothes away and resisted all temptation to dress and would shut my eyes and count to one hundred if ever the urge came. It seemed to work but mum noticed that something had happened to me.

I saw Millie sometimes at school and she looked sad. I daren’t speak to her and sometimes the urge to contact her as Beckie and dress again was so strong that I almost gave in.

I managed somehow and so it was two years before I had to finally give in and dress as Rebecca again. I was sitting reading mum’s magazine and moping around because my grades had fallen and I’d had to face the head of department for a stern warning. I thought that my only solution was to be happy again and since I was still slim and hairless it was easy to pick up where I’d left off. My hair was a bit shorter but still long enough to style.

I guess I was also influenced by the story I’d been reading about a woman who had been born in a man’s body and how she’d finally had the courage to dress and act like a woman. She was beautiful and nobody would have known surely.

So even at sixteen I looked like a schoolgirl in Rebeccas uniform. My friends were mostly girls with the exception of Nick Harvey or Harvey Nicks as we called him. He was good fun and he seemed to like my sense of humour. He got a little bit fond sometimes and I had to really fight to avoid direct eye contact or I might even have fainted.

I decided to go back to my sister’s bedroom to check how many of her clothes still fitted me. The uniform was a bit much and I didn’t think I could go out wearing it now I was older. But there was a great selection at my disposal. Funny but I didn’t go for the fem stuff I went for a pair of skinny jeans, boots, tight red sweater over a white bra that I padded out.

I looked so much like a grown up version of Beckie the schoolgirl. I just had to go out for a walk. So I wrapped up warm and stepped out into the cold evening air. I hadn’t lost my technique for walking in heeled boots and I liked the noise on the pavement.

I walked towards the High street to look in the shop windows and spent half an hour enjoying myself looking at my reflection. As I stopped at a Pelican crossing to cross the road I heard a womans voice shouting to me. Then she came running towards me leaving her friend.

‘Over here. Rebecca is that you? Beckie it’s me Millie.’

Walking in Beckys Shoes
By
Julie D Cole

I was taken aback so pretty much defenceless to Millies approach as she flung her arms around me. ‘Oh Becky you’re back at last. I’ve missed you terribly. Oh Becky please forgive me for being angry and not contacting you but I was so hurt and upset that you didn’t tell me you were leaving.’

I managed to think of an answer and told her that I didn’t have much choice and that mum and dad had decided to stay overseas and I’d had no choice but to find a local school.

‘Becky I did ask about you at school but all they’d tell me was that your records were confidential and I needed proof that we were family or that I had a letter from you or the family. When I asked around nobody seemed to admit to knowing you and I got some strange comments that I was wrong and that you were older than me. I was so hurt because we seemed to be good together. I so needed a friend because I had a terrible experience and that’s why I’ve not contacted you. I’m just back from recuperation.’

‘What happened Millie. I’m sorry but what happened?’ It seemed like my voice was still high pitched enough anyway and I hadn’t lost my capability to let my feminine side take over. I held hands and looked at her friend who was coming towards us.

‘Becky a few days after you left I had an awful experience as I left the library. I was attacked. It was awful but I can’t talk about it since it was so terrible. I’ve not been able to be alone ever since and I have awful nightmares. Mum checked me into a nursing home for a while after I recovered so I missed a whole year of school. In the end I never went back so I didn’t finish my studies. I just had 3 months in Switzerland with Aunt and mum and I have finally come home. This is mum.’

Her mum looked quite young and was very beautiful and I’d have taken them for sisters if Millie hadn’t said.

‘Hi Becky, I’m pleased to meet you. I’m Millies mum Victoria. I prefer Vicky though.’

‘Hi Vicky I’m Becky.’

I felt so awful. If I hadn’t been so frightened of being found out by Millie whatever happened to her might never have happened. I guess my handshake was limp and I must have looked like a zombie that had been struck dumb.

“Oh I’m so pleased to see you both and to meet you Mrs MacDonald. Oh Millie I didn’t know you hadn’t been around and if I’d known anything at all I’d have been in contact. Please forgive me.’

‘There’s nothing to forgive I’m just so pleased to find you again. I don’t know what came over me to run to you like this but I’ve been thinking a lot about you these last few months since I finally came to terms with things and overcame my fear of returning. It was because I thought I might find you again that I did it.’

She was clinging on to my arm by this stage and her mum was holding her other hand.

Luckily her mum spoke and asked me not to call her Mrs MacDonald since it made her feel old. She said that they’d had a walk in the High Street as part of the recovery plan and that it was wonderful to find me so soon. I felt so awkward and embarrassed and wished the pavement would open up and give me chance to jump in a hole to hide.

Mrs M spoke up and said that she was really pleased to meet me at long last since Millie had seemed so seen in me. She said I seemed older than she expected but since I’d decided on extra make-up to rid myself of the school girl look I’d had last time I’d ventured out I wasn’t surprised. In fact it gave me goose pimples just thinking about being out and having a conversation with two people who accepted me as Becky. It seemed they hadn’t seen through the L’Oreal face I was wearing.

I took a deep breath and acknowledged the kind words and said I was pleased to be home again and hadn’t expected to meet anybody since I’d just decided to have a quiet walk for some fresh air. Millie looked at me and spoke up again, ‘Beckie you look really grown up now and the last time we were together we were studying together at school. Did you do OK since I lost my chance.’

‘Yes I did OK and got the grades I needed but I just scraped through. Too much disruption in my life I suppose.’ It was true but I wasn’t exactly being truthful. My problem was my frustration and guilt feelings and meeting Millie and her mum wasn’t making me feel any better about myself. It was like I was being punished for doing something that was wrong but it didn’t feel wrong when I was doing it.

“Millie are you OK? I’m sorry to hear you had a bad experience. What happened?’

‘Oh Becky I can’t talk about it since it was so awful. I don’t want to even think about it so can we just be friends again and carry on where we left off? Maybe eventually I’ll tell you.’

Then her mum wiped the tears from Millies eyes and kissed her forehead. Millie snuggled to her and I realised there was a close bond between them and that Vicky was helping her overcome the trauma she must have had.

‘Will you walk with us Becky? Will you join us for some supper since we were going for some Pasta at Bella Roma’s just down the street. We are meeting an old school friend of mine and her son. Maybe just her though since you know what boys are like.

What did she mean? Was it an innocent remark or did she suspect? What if the restaurant was well lit and I had made a crap job of my face? I tried to decline but they both took hold of an arm and started frog marching me down the High Street. I was struggling in my boots that had higher heels than I had been used to wearing but at least I couldn’t fall over with them clinging on to me like limpets.

‘OK OK but I don’t have much cash with me and I have to be home before 10pm or I’m in trouble.’

Vicky promised we’d be done by 9pm and said she was paying so my list of excuses had disappeared. I knew I’d have to head directly for the bathroom. It’s one thing to walk out in the dark but it wasn’t like before with Millie where I just applied some lipstick and fourteen year old girls can carry a Tom boy look. This time I was smart casual and I didn’t want to look as if I’d been dragged through a hedge backwards.

At least this was bringing the semblance of a smile to Millies face and her mum seemed really pleased that I’d appeared from nowhere. I just hoped I could hang in there and leave in time to remove Rebeccas clothes and the make up before mum arrived home.

Thank goodness that we arrived before Vickys friend. I just shot directly to the bathroom excusing myself as if I needed to go. I looked at the two doors in front of me. Two small bathrooms to choose from. Dressed like this I was terrified. I had to make a decision so I pushed the door.

‘Becky that’s the Senors and we need the Senoritas.’ Millie had followed me. I shut my eyes and tried to make out it was a stupid mistake. It made Millie smile.

At least I had chance to check myself out and fortunately I’d done a half decent job. ‘Becky you look so grown up tonight. You make me feel like your younger sister. Do you mind if I borrow some of your lipstick and eye shadow or they’ll never let me have a glass of wine? I still look fourteen. I wish I had some boots like that. Oh Becky I’m so happy to see you again. Can we be best friends? Do you have a boyfriend?’

‘OK Millie I’m still your best friend and no there is nobody at the moment.’

I helped her to put on a face.

By the time we went to find her mum at the table her friend had arrived. She smiled and stood up and introduced herself as Helen and apologised that her son wasn’t turning up. Thank goodness for that. Girl on girl was enough for one evening and I was going to struggle as it was.

A short while later I almost choked on my spaghetti when she asked Millie and I if we knew her son, Nicholas. My God it was Harvey Nicks mum.

Walking in Beckys Shoes — Chapter 3
By
Julie D Cole


I glanced at Millie and then looked nervously at her mother before answering Helen. I said that I didn’t recall the name nor in fact ever meeting him. Then she tried to describe him and she told me what subjects he was taking but I still feigned ignorance.

Millie spoke up and said that I was taking two of the same subjects so I must know him. My immediate thoughts were ‘thanks so much for that Millie. What are friends for.’

So I had no choice but to say something. ‘it’s not Harvey Nicks is it? I only know that one of the guys is called Harvey but I assumed it was his nickname.’

‘Yes that’s him and his friends call him that much to my annoyance. They should call him by his proper name, not his shopping name.’

‘Oh I understand now. He got his nickname because of the department store in London perhaps? So did you call him Nicholas because you liked the store.’

‘Not really but I must admit I do like to visit and so does Nicholas. We often have shopping trips together but I still wish I had a daughter to dote on. He tries his best for me.’
What a strange comment to make. I wondered if Nick might just like girly days with his mum. Oh to have that opportunity. No chance with my mum. She had no spare time these days and told me she was working to put myself and sis through school and university and as soon as she could sh’d retire.

Millie looked at me and whispered that she’d met Nick but didn’t realise that I knew him too. She said that her mum had tried to fix up a date for her with him but right now she was still off boys. Something had obviously happened to Millie to cause her to disappear for 2 years and to react like that but really I had just hidden away so eventually I put our evenings together to the back of my mind.

‘Oh I will tell you later but not just now please. Let’s not spoil our pasta or this reunion. I’ve really missed you and so many times I’ve wanted to find you so we could talk. You’re the only person I can talk openly to. I don’t have a sister or any close friends I’m afraid.’

Then she reached under the table and held my hand and I didn’t feel it was right to push it away. Thank goodness my hands were fairly small and soft rather than those of a sixteen year old scullion like others at school. Most of the guys were always in mischief. With the exception of Harvey Nicks and me of course.

‘Millie has somebody hurt you or tried it on or something? What’s the matter?’

‘Please it’s still causing me nightmares and it was mums idea that we come back here so I could try to face my demons. The good thing is we bumped into you. It’s like magic or my best dream came true. I really missed you.’

Well by now I was already regretting my decision to dress again. I seemed to be already part of Millies life and her best friend again even though it was just an innocent stroll down the High Street.

At least now the waiter distracted us so we ordered and for a while we were involved in the conversations with Vicky and Helen. The subjects were mainly silly and unimportant things although Millie and I were advised how painful giving birth had been for both of them that had resulted in ‘No admittance’ notices being issued for a while to their spouses. It seemed that the subject cause Millie to go white and so her mum seemed to change the subject.

The more I looked at Millie the more I suspected that someone had hurt her.

The rest of the meal went OK and we all shared a desert rather than one each because we’d eaten too much pasta.

Then Vicky asked how I intended to get home and I advised that I hadn’t got far to go and that I was walking. She said that she couldn’t allow that and that she would take me. I had to decline because I couldn’t risk them finding out where I lived and said that if I left now it would be OK since it was still before 10pm. I managed to persuade them and almost ran from the restaurant even though I needed to visit the bathroom due to the amount of sparkling water I’d drunk.

I waved to Millie as I left and knew I had to hurry in case mum arrived home early. I couldn’t go the safe route that was well lit. So I risked the short cut through the side streets that I used a lot in normal mode. Somehow this wasn’t the same since I was conscious of any strange sounds or footsteps and of any shadows from the reduced lighting. Now I could understand just how vulnerable I was and how girls must feel when they walk alone. I quickened my footsteps and had no chance to take any pleasure from the click of my heels.

I looked nervously over my shoulder because I was sure that there was somebody not far behind and I hoped it was just somebody taking a dog for a walk that I could tag onto. Blast it seemed to be a guy with a hooded jacket. I quicked my pace again almost running and the need for the toilet disappeared. I was focused on reaching the safety of the main road leading to the street where I lived. To the left was a small copse of trees where many a dog would stop. Where are they when you need them?

To the right was a tall brick wall and so this stretch was darker than the rest of the route. As I decided to run I heard the hooded man run and the next thing was I was knocked to the ground. He pulled me to my feet and dragged me towards the trees. I wanted to scream but he put his hand over my mouth. He pushed me hard against the tree now so my face was against the trunk and he bit hard into my neck and I could feel he was excited and was trying to reach towards my ‘breast.’ He was trying to unfasten my trousers at the same time and then he seemed to ejaculate and relax his grip.

It was my chance so I lifted my foot and slammed my heel hard onto his foot and he let out an enormous scream followed by the worst swear words imaginable.

I ran for all my life dropping my bag that contained my house keys. I had to get them back but how? Luckily someone came into the light and Held my arm asking if I was OK. Then he chased the attacker whilst I recovered the bag and ran towards home. In the light of the street I realised it was Nicks who must have been heading to meet his mum. I saw him but did he see me? I didn’t care I just ran for home and frantically turned the lock. At least mum wasn’t in and I could change and wash the make-up. I would have a bruise on my neck but at least that was probably less damage that hooded man.

I showered and tried to calm down and was in bed by the time I heard mum come in. That was the narrowest of escapes. What if he’d realised I wasn’t the girl he expected? I was shaking but at least I was safe.

Walking in Beckys Shoes — Chapter 4
By
Julie D Cole

I must have tossed and turned for 2 hours or so after I heard mum come in and say goodnight. My neck was hurting when the madman had bitten me. I’d covered it in antiseptic before I climbed into bed to try to stop any infection but I couldn’t help thinking I might catch rabies or something. How could such animals be allowed to roam around off the leash?

I felt dreadful when I awoke because I needed a good 8 hours sleep and last night was nowhere near. At least the red mark had turned to a blue/black bruise and I felt the antiseptic cream might have worked. Maybe I could survive without the need to suck blood. I hoped that his foot was hurting where I’d stamped or that Nicks had caught him and jumped on the other one. How could I have such anger against a guy? I used to think that girls were making stories up about how bad we us guys were Now the shoe was on the other foot I suppose.

I took off my nightwear and hid it in the drawers under the mattress hoping that mum wouldn’t find it. I had to wear my shorts and T shirt sometime so I screwed it up and left it in the bathroom after my shower knowing that mum would fold it neatly and place it under my pillow when she made the bed. This had been her daily routine since I could walk and every 3 days I’d find fresh replacements. It was a problem to keep up with mum and to have the joy of fresh night clothes. I decided to make my rotor just the same otherwise she might think I’d stopped sweating at night and started perspiring instead. Isn’t that what girls do?

I dressed for school or sixth form college as it was called that was a bit more relaxed. I had to find something to cover the mark on my neck so I was a bit self conscious as I sat at the breakfast bar. Boys don’t really wear a scarf under their shirts but other than a polo neck it was the only thing I could think of.

We sat and watched the breakfast news on TV. I was usually quiet but today mum wouldn’t leave me to my cereal. ‘You were in bed early last night. Were you ill or just tired?’

‘I was feeling a bit fed up and bored so I decided on an early night.’

‘Well you look tired . Are you OK?’

‘I guess so.’

‘Let me look at you a minute. Is that mascara in the corner of your eyes? Have you been wearing eyeliner ?’

I almost died on the spot before recovering to jump up and run to the hall mirror. I couldn’t deny it. In my haste I’d done a bad job with the wipes.

‘Err. Yes it is I was playing around with Millie and she put it on me to see what I looked like.’

‘Who’s Millie? I hope that you haven’t been bringing girls around whilst I’m at work. You know the rules.’

‘No mum I haven’t. We just met at the library then went for a coffee. We were just fooling around and I’d made fun of her attempts to apply make up with no mirror. So she got her revenge.’

‘Oh well just behave. I worry about you on your own. I don’t like to have to work and I’m thinking about changing my job.’

‘No mum I’m perfectly OK. I like the chance to chill out or study. Please there is no need to change jobs and the money is good.’

‘Well just behave then and then I will carry on.’

I would have to take care or I’d lose my chance to spend more time in Beckys shoes.

‘What’s the reason for the sarf?’

‘Oh we have to all wear an item of clothing from the opposite sex today and Millie gave me this.’

‘I worry about you lot and the teachers at your school. They’ll be allowing you to go the full hog soon.’

I should have been so lucky.

‘What is Millie wearing today then? I hope you didn’t make her wear your socks.’

‘Ha Ha very funny mom. In fact she is wearing my baseball cap.’

‘That’s not very inventive and same goes for you. But at least your not wearing her underwear. You aren’t are you?’

I must have blushed because mum gave me a strange look. I tried to melt away and disappeared to clean my teeth before heading off to college.

Just my luck Nicks had to be the first guy I saw. He seemed to look me up and down as I approached before saying Hi. I thought he was either reflecting on the night before or that he was getting more fond by the day.

‘Hi Nicks.’

‘Your bags look heavy today. Can I help you?’

‘No it’s OK thanks. I’m fine.’

I looked at him. Had he recognised me and why was he being so kind? ‘Sorry Nicks it’s kind of you but I’m not a girl you know. I’m strong enough to fend for myself.’

‘Really? Well you remind me of someone I know that’s all it is. Well actually someone I’d like to get to know more like.’

‘Be careful Nicks or rumours will start. Or are you suggesting something?’

‘No not really. But you do look like someone I’ve me before but let’s just leave it at that for now.’

‘Oh. OK then.’

We walked towards the large reception building and chaated a bit about alsorts of things. Eventually Nicks let slip that he’d arrived just in time to stop a vicious attack on a girl and that as weak as he was he’d suddenly felt like Superman and chased after a thug who might have raped her if he hadn’t been there.

‘Nicks I can’t believe it. Weren’t you frightened?’

‘No I just had to intervene whatever happened to me. She was like an angel. The most beautiful girl I’ve seen around here. But by the time I got back she’d gone. I hoped that she got away safely. Maybe I’ll go back and see if she travels that way regularly.’

‘Nicks you are a hero. We should tell the headmaster so he can warn students in case this nutcase tries again.’

‘leave it please. I don’t like a fuss and anyway I met mum and her frind and Millie MacDonald from school. Mum keeps trying to fix us up but I’m not that much into her. I prefer my girls a bit more grown up and a little bit slimmer.’

‘what do you reckon happened to the guy you chased? You don’t think he is from our school do you?’

‘Well if he is then he’s easily spotted because he’ll be limping or walking with crutches. I saw this girl use her stiletto heel on him and he’s lucky he wasn’t pinned to the floor.’

‘Oh Nicks you are a hero. I hope someday she has chance to repay you. Did you know her?’

‘No I doubt she was from our school. She looked a bit more grown up. She had a great figure and such a beautiful face. I need to find her whatever I do. She owes me a big kiss as the very least compensation.’

‘Nicks you can’t think like that. She might not like you.’

‘Well she might not but I’m still going to try to find her. It might be the girl who’d been to dinner with mum, Millie and Millies mum. Apparently she was a nice girl and mum had a shock when I told her what happened. She was frightened in case something more serious had happened. Millie was going to check with the Secretarys Office today. She goes to this school and Millie said her name is Rebecca. Not too common a name so maybe we’ll soon find her.

If I wasn’t careful my chances of more walks were going to rapidly diminish. How to manage the situation?

Nicks and I separated after we’d sorted out the things we needed for our first lessons. Then as I was turning the key in my locker I saw Millie coming in through the main doors. She was linking arms with another girl and looking around. Then they headed for the Secreatarys office and the door was closed behind them. I decided to keep a safe distance even though I ached to be a fly on the wall. The school secretary came out and asked me if I was waiting for something or if I needed help.

I stuttered a bit and then said I had a sick note to hand in and had forgotten it.
I went into her office and she filled in the register anyway. Then I saw the name of my possible assailant. ‘Injured foot. Dropped a piano on his toe whilst helping set up the stage.’

Unlikely reason. His name? ‘Scott Johnson.’

I knew him. Bit of a creep and always in trouble. I had hoped that at least it had been somebody who was better looking and thank goodness his hand hadn’t found its way beyond my waistband or his lips parted mine and allowed that awful tongue to search my mouth. I shivered at the thought of it.
‘Come on Ashton we haven’t all day. You need to be at your first lesson. Are you completing the register or not?’

‘No Miss it’s OK. I think I know where Nicks went.’

‘I don’t know what’s so interesting in here this morning. It seems you are all nosey today.’

---

His name? ‘Scott Johnson.’
I knew him. Bit of a creep and always in trouble. I had hoped that at least it had been somebody who was better looking and thank goodness his hand hadn’t found its way beyond my waistband or his lips parted mine and allowed that awful tongue to search my mouth. I shivered at the thought of it.
‘Come on Ashton we haven’t all day. You need to be at your first lesson. Are you completing the register or not?’
‘No Miss it’s OK. I think I know where Nicks went.’
‘I don’t know what’s so interesting in here this morning. It seems you are all nosey today.’
 
I left her office and sat across the hallway waiting for Millie and her friend to come out of the headmasters office. I could only wait for 10 minutes and then I had to get moving or I’d be late for class.

I went down the stairs to the male locker room to pick up my daybook and drop my day bag off. Nick had disappeared with my larger shoulder bag and I just hoped he didn’t look inside. I kept some spare underwear and had put in a pair of Rebecca’s panties and a small make up bag just as a precaution in case I needed to switch to Becky on my way home. I don’t know what made me do it that morning. I just wasn’t feeling the same grumpy person. Maybe just now I was feeling more girl than boy.

I looked around the locker room and it was scruffy with old trainers piled in a corner just in case somebody came looking for lost pairs. The stench was awful and almost made me sick. That’s the problem with using locker rooms with a load of hairy monsters, the odours are awful. This locker room was getting worse every day and even I was starting to smell strongly of mancubs. I wished they’d buy some air fresheners and better still have a daily clear out. I wrote a few reminders in my daybook one of which was to bring some bin bags and seal up the terrible shoes. They looked like ships compared to my shoes. I was glad to be blessed with small feet. Far more choice at the sales and as long as my feet had stopped growing I’d be able to wear Rebeccas shoes on my outings.

To my relief Nicks came in and he headed directly towards me to handover my bag.

‘Sorry about the delay I got distracted.’

‘Where did you disappear to Nick? I looked around when I got to the School secretaries office and you’d gone.’

‘I had a hunch and I needed to check it out. But either I was wrong or I need to check again later.’

‘Oh you certainly shot off in a hurry. Was it important?’

‘Yes. Well not so important but that guy who I stopped last night. I remembered something mum said last night. She said that Millie McDonald had been off school for a long time and that she was attacked somewhere near where I was last night. So I went to the school library to look on the internet to check out if anything had been reported in the local news. I plugged in her name but nothing came up. I’ve no idea exactly when it was so no chance to do a thorough search. If it really was that creep Scott Johnson we need to find a way to deal with him.’

‘What do you mean we?’

‘You’d help me wouldn’t you? We can’t have creeps like him give our school a bad reputation. We just need to trap him.’

‘Yes but how to trap him. Do you mean with a bear trap or something? Anyway he makes two of me and I don’t fancy fighting him.’

‘We wouldn’t be fighting him silly. We’d set a trap for him and make sure he gets caught. We just need some bait. Something he can’t resist. I’ve got an idea but it’s more dangerous for you than for me.’

‘Shouldn’t we just report him to the school authorities or the police and then let them deal with it?’

‘Well fat chance of them helping. They are more interested in lesser things and small detail. It’s easier.’
‘Look we gotta go so don’t go mad with ideas and try not to involve me in your plans. Well not unless it’s safe and we won’t get hurt.’

‘OK I’ll see you at break and then maybe at lunch we can eat together and then do some more research. What you doing tonight by the way?’

‘OK but I usually like to study since mom wants me to improve my grades since I slipped a lot.’

‘Well I might try to twist your arm to have a night off and maybe we can set a trap.’

Shit I didn’t really want to meet Nick. I was looking forward to go out to meet Millie. The urge to dress was getting so hard to fight off and anyway I really did need to improve my grades.

I called in the bathroom to check myself out. The mark on my neck was a stark reminder of last night and it was sore. I bathed it in cool water and then covered it with the scarf. ‘Bloody vampire. Maybe we should find a way to get him. What if it was the same guy who attacked Millie? He needed putting away. It made me realise I’d have to be a lot more careful. It was a good job Nick was around even if he isn’t a superman. I could picture him looking at me and the anger on his face as he raced towards my attacker. What if? No don’t be stupid.’

At break I bought the drinks and Nick found a seat in the corner of the refrectory. Strange because he stood up as I sat down.

‘How did your classes go so far?’

‘OK but I couldn’t concentrate so how about it are you going to help me or what?’

‘OK Nick I will help but let me know what I can do. Apart from moral support I’ve no idea why you think I can help.’

‘I made a plan so don’t worry we’ll goof around a bit then have a pizza and then we’ll see if we can catch our beast.’

‘But Nick I might be late since I have some studying to do and preparation work for tomorrow.’

‘OK let’s make it 8 pm if you like. The later the better to set our trap as far as I’m concerned. Anyway I wouldn’t mind trying to find this girl I’d like to meet. I may be lucky who knows. But whatever don’t worry I’ll be there. I’ll meet you at Bella Roma if you like. The pizza’s on me.’

That was my evening sorted out for me. But how to meet Millie first and then change back? I’d have to choose something to wear a bit more carefully and then I didn’t need to go home to change. Blast Harvey Nicks and I was looking forward to a skirt and heels tonight.’

I felt a bit awkward as we sat in front of the computer. Well I sat and punched the keys since I’m faster than Nicks. He was behind me leaning over my shoulder pointing at the screen. At one stage I turned to him and he stared into my eyes. He wanted to say something I was sure. For that moment I thought he had realised I was the person he’d saved.

Somehow I managed to distract him back to the screen and luckily we found the story we were searching for. It was an article about the attack on Millie and it seemed several others had occurred but not where I had been grabbed. The other attacks were further down the High street and the area had been tidied up now with extra street lights added.

Nicks was happy as he punched the air. ‘This creep has just moved locations. I told you he is a problem. How can they not try to catch him and deal with him. Do they think he’ll stop? ‘

‘Calm down Nick this is a library. We’ll get barred if you make such a disturbance.’

‘OK but now we just gotta get him before he even kills somebody. I don’t want him to do anything to this girl I saw or anybody else for that matter.’

At lunch Nicks just wanted to walk out and talk. He was too excited to sit down and I never heard him talk as much. He was asking my advice about all sorts of things and if I thought a girl would be happy to go out with him or if he needed to smarten up. He even asked me to test if he had bad breath and I half expected he was going to try to kiss me. He laughed since he said I’d closed my eyes as he breathed into my nostrils. To be honest something did come over me. I was sure that I’d have let him if he’d tried.

Nicks walked part way home with me. Again he insisted to carry my bag since he didn’t have one. I couldn’t wait to shower and change. He’d made me feel a bit funny and my pants had got tight and were a bit damp.

Choosing from Rebbecca’s wardrobe this evening was going to be a bit more of a task. How to be Becky and then meet Nicks as me?

Walking in Beckys Shoes — Chapter 6
By
Julie D Cole

Nicks walked part way home with me. Again he insisted to carry my bag since he didn’t have one. I couldn’t wait to shower and change. He’d made me feel a bit funny and my pants had got tight and were a bit damp.

Choosing from Rebbecca’s wardrobe this evening was going to be a bit more of a task. How to be Becky and then meet Nicks as me?

I took much longer than usual in the shower and thought a lot about whether I should miss seeing Millie and just meet Nicks to see what plan he had to trap the attacker. Then again should I go meet Millie and just call him and say I couldn’t meet up.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

I couldn’t say no to either when I thought about it. Both were friends and it wasn’t like I could afford to lose either. I really liked both of them although in Millies case I felt a complete fraud. Surely she would soon suss me out and I worried in case it upset her at a time when she was trying to recover from an awful ordeal. I’d had a similar but less traumatic experience and had been lucky that Nicks arrived in the nick of time. I had to smile to myself. Nick of time. I wished I could tell Millie since it would make her giggle.

I examined myself closely to ensure I didn’t give too many clues as to my real identity. I’d used one of mums disposable razors to remove the fuzziness from my chin and the few hairs on my chest and legs. Not that they were very prominent and I knew the location of every one of them.

As I towelled myself dry I wiped the steam from the mirror. There I was a 10 stone weakling and for certain I wasn’t going to be any good in a fight. I hoped Nicks wasn’t thinking of jumping anybody since he wasn’t exactly Mr Universe but then again he’d come to my rescue. Well to Becky’s rescue not me.

I looked at myself and for a moment I saw Rebecca. In the shower cap I looked more girl than boy. I just looked a bit on the flat chested side whereas she takes after mum. Am I jealous. Is the Pope a Catholic? Of course I was.

I lifted the towel a little higher and wrapped it around my chest . I tried to create a bust by lifting the soft flesh of my chest. If I could only find some way of pumping them up a bit it would be great. I could simand puspushing pushed each lifted without any big boobiesbust atrying. specially since it was flowered with a small bow. and I liked it. Maybe I should stop trying to hide this side of me. Maybe mum knew already. Why did she joke about wering Millies underwear?

The mark on my neck was still sore and pronounced and a painful reminder of the down side of presenting as Becky. But an effeminate boy seemed to be just as vulnerable if more likely to be bullied and even beaten. I was scared for a moment and thought I shouldn’t go out at all and just curl up on the sofa but then maybe if I kept to the safe route to the High Street it would be OK. After all I had to work on my assignment and also I could find out what happened in the headmasters office.

I let the towel drop a bit and wore it like a skirt before going into Rebeccas room.Maybe if I wore a little less make-up and wore some leggings I could just put some jogger bottoms in my bag and slip them over the top before I met Nicks.

I brushed my hair out to remove the drops of water that somehow got passed the cap. It felt nice as I let it hang as I bent sideways. Somehow it made me relax and I was sure that my hair was softer than normal. It seemed fuller and wasn’t difficult to adjust to the more feminine style I preferred. But it didn’t feel fresh after being at college all day even when I pushed it up a little to give more fullness on the top of my head. So I brushed it back into a ponytail and held it with a scrunchy. Becky looked back at me. At least I had the look I needed to pass with Millie.

I wondered how Nicks would react if he could see me now. I may never be able to look him in the eye again if he thought I was enjoying being Becky. What if Millie found out her friend was really a boy. Would she have another breakdown? Why did I feel so mixed up inside and why did I have a dampness in my panties on the way home from school by just spending time with Nicks.

Now how was I going to hide this awful bruise on my neck? It was still quite sore so I applied some antiseptic cream to try to sooth it. The teeth imprint were fairly obvious so I just hoped mum didn’t look too closely. I decided not to cover it with an Elastoplast since it just attracts attention so I used some of mums foundation to cover it.

I needed to get rid of the smell of the antiseptic so I squirted some of mums perfume on my chest and onto my wrists as I’d seen her do many times. I tried not to use too much but I’d no idea if a squirt was just a sniff or a nose full. Anyway I did 3 squirts plus one for luck. Mum smelled so nice when she wore it but maybe I had a different body smell so I needed more. Maybe just one more squirt for double luck.

I looked in the mirror again. At least the bruising wasn’t so noticeable now. God I looked so girly. I liked it a lot and even the attack hadn’t put me off. I’d prefer to meet Millie as Becky and it would be great if I didn’t have to be so secretive and if I could just be her for a while to explore more of this side of me. Why did I have to be born with dangly bits? They just get in the way and are not very nice to look at. I couldn’t imagine what they might look like as I grew older. Bigger and more difficult to conceal I imagine.

Anyway for now I didn’t have to worry too much and by using a black thong from Rebecca’s undie drawer I squashed them as flat as I could and I looked like a lot of the girls from school in their leotards who either hadn’t yet plucked up the courage to trim or shave their pubic area. Well that was the general opinion from the boys locker room anyway.

So what to wear? I needed something to allow me to change after I left Millie without searching for a bathroom and getting caught in the wrong one.

I opted for a black leotard or body I suppose that fastened underneath much to my frustration. No chance to fasten the clips after I put it on. The body was like a catapult. If I missed the eyes with the hooks the body almost ended up around my neck like a scarf. So I fastened it before stepping into it and that worked better. I then put on matching black leggings. Maybe I’d got this the wrong way around and it should have been leggings first but I needed to remove them and put on my Levis later and this was easier.

The body actually might look like a t shirt under my shirt. I decided to use an open shirt or blouse as it was since it was out of Rebeccas drawer not mine. I needed to cover up my front area because it was a bit too provocative. Not exactly Beyonce but good enough. I actually now looked like I had the girly bits except for the bust. So how to present a bust without a bra and use something that I could remove later before I met Nicks? Was I getting a bit too paranoid? Not really I guess I just didn’t want to revert to the daytime look. I wanted to be Becky. Oh Nicks why did you have to insist I help you and what good am I?

I guess wasn’t exactly flat chested but Millie might wonder what happened to the mounds that she’d been so jealous of the first time we met. I couldn’t really wear the water filled balloons I liked to wear so I searched for an alternative. I needed something that wouldn’t slip out of position but nothing worked.

In the end I had to strip down and put on a bra that I padded out with socks. What a let down. But on the practical side I could wear the socks later and if I kept my jacket on when I met Nicks the bra might not show.

That was pretty much it. I did look like a girl but sadly with socks for a bust I didn’t feel enough like one. I just wished there was some way that I could inflate my chest with a chest pump. Now that would be an invention. The ‘Bust Boomer’ or something and I’m sure it would attract a lot of guys either for self development or to apply to girlfriends.

Anyway after finishing up I was soon on my way and as usual Millie arrived before me. She ran towards me and gave me a hug. How did I get into this mess. She is so sweet and so friendly. I felt about 2 inches tall right then.

But no chance to feel bad or mope about it since she was so excited. She told me all about her meeting with the headmaster and it turned out that the weirdo had attacked at least 6 more girls and the police were trying to find the most recent girl using some security tapes from a shop on the high street. Millie said the video showed a guy hanging around in the shop doorway playing with himself but she couldn’t tell if it was her assailant. The girl was walking past the shop about the same time I had left the restaurant. She was worried in case it was me and so relieved to see me arrive.

I couldn’t say much and I guess my instant reaction was to touch the marl on my neck and I shivered for a moment realising how lucky I’d been that Nicks was on his way to meet his mum. This creep had to be stopped, Nick was right. The police did seem to be taking it more seriously now and no need for Nicks to take a risk. But how to stop him since he was so stubborn?

“Becky what’s that mark on your neck? Is it a hickey?’ Have you been with someone? Have you been with a boy? Have you got a boyfriend. Come on let me see.”

I took advantage of Millies barrage of questions to gather my thoughts.”Yes, no, I mean yes, no I don’t it’s nothing.”

“Well I did meet someone last night who has been fancying me for a while and he did get a bit amorous.”

“ Oh Becky you didn’t tell me you were going with someone. Who is he? What’s his name? Is he good looking?”

“It’s nothing serious. I should have stopped him. He is just a friend.”

“but he gave you a hickey. That means he really fancies you and you like him.”

“ don’t please Millie. It was just the wine we had.”

“ you said you had to go home. Was he waiting for you? Why didn’t you say?”

“Sorry but he just walked me home and I couldn’t say no could I?”

“Did he try anything? What’s he like? Is he very passionate? Can he kiss? Did he do tongues on you?”

“ Millie please. What do you take me for. I don’t like tongues. Well not on the first date.”

“Date? So it was a date.”

“no it wasn’t. It was all innocent honestly.”

“What’s his name then? Are you seeing him again?’”

“well I’m seeing him about 8pm after I leave here. He offered to take me for a pizza.” I tried to make up an excuse and Millie was accepting it.

“Oh so we won’t be friends anymore if you start dating him.”

“Don’t worry Millie we will still be friends and I need to keep up my studying. You are so good for me. I adore spending time with you and chatting whilst we study.”

She settled down after that but it wasn’t easy to focus with Millie smirking and eyeing me up and down.

“Did he touch you? Did he like your bust? Did he unfasten your bra and touch you?”

“Millie please. I feel so embarrassed.”

“OK OK. But I need to know the full details later. I never had a hickey. But if I had a bust like you it might be different.”

I realised it was going to be impossible to work so I gave up and I finally admitted I’d met Nicks. Then shock horror I’d made a mistake. He’d met Millie and her mum after I left them and Millies mum and Nicks mum were friends.”

I couldn’t change my story now I had to hope and pray Millie didn’t realise. Blast now I was going to look like I made things up. I wan’t to change my story but if I did then I expected it would look worse. I tried to change the subject and the only thing I could think of to distract her was to say I was available to go shopping come Saturday. That did it but I couldn’t help feeling I was going to be totally at risk in broad daylight with a high chance we’d meet other students in town. I wanted to rewind and start over but too late.

I watched the clock with Millie making comments that I couldn’t wait to get the matching hickey on the other side of my neck. I just played along. I was feeling a little uncomfortable and damp again by the time I left. We hugged and I tried to avoid her getting too close since a bump had appeared that I was having difficulty disguising.

When I was out of sight and Millies waves had stopped I found a dark corner to put on my Levis and jacket. I removed my sock busts and put on my trainers. I looked in a shop window to check myself out and then headed for our meeting point.

I couldn’t see Nicks he was late. Not like him at all. I was looking at some shoes when I heard the click of heels behind me. I turned and my mouth dropped open.

‘Nicks. My God is that you Nicks. You look so funny. What on earth are you doing dressed like that?’

To be continued ……………….

Walking in Beckys Shoes — Chapter 7
By
Julie D Cole

I couldn’t see Nicks he was late. Not like him at all. I was looking at some shoes when I heard the click of heels behind me. I turned and my mouth dropped open.
‘Nicks. My God is that you Nicks. You look so funny. What on earth are you doing dressed like that?’

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

‘Well it’s the Plan I told you I had come up with. If we want to catch a fox by snaring him we need a bait like a rabbit. I know I’m no bunny girl but in the dark I think he might be tempted. What do you think?’

I looked at Nicks. First of all he was a bit on the tall side for a girl and the heels didn’t help.

‘Where did you get those from?’

‘They’re my mums. These are the only ones that fit me but they’re OK aren’t they?”

‘Nicks they aren’t exactly what a teenage girl would be wearing and the dress is the same. Sorry but I’m not sure your plan will work.’ I giggled. ‘Well not unless you are trying to scare him away to another district. He will just wait for another victim don’t you think?’

‘Well truth is I was going to ask you to do it since you are smaller than me and I thought I would wait in the background and grab him. But then I thought it was too dangerous to be the bait so better I do it and you jump him.’

‘Great plan but I’m not going to frighten him am I? He’d swot me like a fly and turn back to you.’

‘Well he’ll have a shock if he does. I’ll be ready for him and he won’t be able to pee for a month if I knee him in the dingle berries. If I catch him right they’ll swell so much he’ll need a wheelbarrow to get home.’

That made us both laugh especially when Nicks did an impression and nearly fell over as he wobbled in the heels. ‘ Nicks but what if he grabs you from behind like he did with me…..mmm.. Millie.’ Phew that was close. ‘He almost strangled her before he ripped her blouse and molested her. Then he put his penis in her mouth and almost choked her.’

‘He’s lucky she didn’t bite it off. I would have.’

‘It’s easy to say that Nicks but when you’re in shock or traumatised I can’t imagine you would think straight. Anyway we don’t know what it’s like to be a girl. It must be scary sometimes.’

‘Scary? It must be awful. I don’t know what possesses them to want to wear shoes like this or wear a dress. It’s not exactly comfortable. You ought to give it a try to see what I mean. All I can think of is that they must get some sort of a kick out of it that I don’t get.’

If only he knew. What a feeling. It’s something that is difficult to describe. To me it was the greatest feeling in the world so I was sure I understood. Then thinking about it I wondered if he was testing me out. I tried to keep us talking.

‘Probably it’s to attract guys like us but trouble is some guys just look at women and think they are there to be screwed. They are just animals, like dogs on heat. They make me so angry.’

‘Great at last I’ve got you fired up. We’ll get this bastard together or my names not Harvey Nicks. We have to so let’s go do it.’

I had no idea about what Nick expected us to do. OK he had attempted to dress as an innocent girl but out of ten he might scrape a two. I doubted anybody would be fooled even if the street lights went out.

‘Look Nicks this isn’t right. You shouldn’t have to put yourself in danger like this and anyway you don’t really think you can attract him dressed like that do you?. Can’t we just find another plan where it is less dangerous? Why don’t we just hide at both ends of the street and see if he turns up then call the police if we are right?
Nicks took some convincing to step down and I even offered to be the bait. He did look closely at me and I couldn’t do anymore than say I’d had the same idea when he saw the mascara that I’d forgotten to remove. I wasn’t sure if he was convinced and I really wanted to tell him all about my escapades as Becky. He had that hung dog look that would make anybody tell the truth rather than tell a lie. Maybe he had a career ahead of him as a court prosecutor. Maybe it was something else completely. Maybe he made me feel like a girl and just maybe I wanted to be his girl. Life is full of maybes and maybe Nicks could pass as a girl and maybe we could catch this madman. But then again maybe that was it, I just wanted Nicks to see me as Becky.

There was no time like the present so I told Nicks I had some things in my bag and would change just to prove it as long as he got changed and dropped the masquerade. He agreed but he had arrived in full attire so he opted to use the public bathrooms rather than the shop doorway that I had used. He pointed to a video camera and I gulped. Somebody was going to see that a girl had changed into a boy and I cringed when I thought it might be made public and even end up on You Tube.

Nicks disappeared into the mens and was oblivious of the fact how strange he looked. It didn’t take long for me to go back to Becky mode. I turned my back on the camera since no point to give anybody a thrill.

I waited ages for Nicks and 2 guys went in and out whilst I stood there. It seemed crazy to be standing outside a mens bathroom dressed like this and it felt like I’d no right to enter. ‘Come on Nicks where are you? How long does it take to change? I stepped into the light of the entrance and as my eyes were adjusting I was knocked over as a hooded guy came running out and I let out a scream. Somebody came to my aid and as I rubbed my head but I just wanted to see where Nicks was.

‘You don’t want to go in there dear that’s the Mens and anyway there is some trouble. Some weirdo trannie arguing with his boyfriend and she hit him a real whallop but he knifed her. Not good. She looks in bad shape. Serves her right. Bloody idiot she didn’t even look like a woman but it takes all sorts. Come on I’m leaving since I don’t want to be dragged into it. Are you OK?’

‘That’s not a weirdo it’s my boyfriend. He’s not a perve he was helping a friend of ours.’

‘Oh. You’d better wait there then whilst I check on her, I mean him. I won’t be a minute.’

He came running back out. ‘Have you got a phone love. Better call an ambulance he’s not in good shape.’

First instinct was to go inside but this guy held me back. I took out my mobile phone and called 999. Then he let go of me and I ran inside. Nicks was crumpled against the wall clutching his side. His dress was ripped and he hadn’t even started to change. His bra was undone and he looked in pain. He lost consciousness. The guy who picked me up ripped off his own shirt and used it to try to cover the knife wound. I heard the siren of the ambulance and ran to the door to show the way.

I’d no time to change and no thoughts anyway as I travelled in the ambulance to A&E. I had to sit out of the way whilst the ambulance man worked hard to attend to Nicks. I just had to give as much detail about Nick as possible. They had is bag that contained his wallet with a medical card so that was a relief.

I helped at the front desk whilst Nicks was whisked away. I didn’t even realise that I was behaving as a girlfriend until a nurse who introduced herself as Stephanie came over and spoke to me to update me. She offered me some tea to help with the shock and sat me down in the waiting area. It was half full and yet she found a quiet spot. She was very kind and seemed to go along with the idea that I was a girl so I told her my name was Becky.

‘Look dear your boyfriend is badly hurt so we have to involve the police. This is a stabbing and your boyfriend has a nasty injury. He wasn’t in drag was he? I guess he argued with someone or somebody took exception to his attire.’

I told her it was a stupid idea of Nicks to catch a guy who had been attacking girls and she shook her head in amazement. ‘What a silly thing to do. Now look at the result.’

I had to try to stay calm but I was shivering now. The tea helped and the lipstick on the rim of the cup brought me back to reality. It was as if Becky had taken over and I did feel close to Nicks and wasn’t adverse to being seen as his close friend whatever the sex.

Stephanie asked a few questions about Nicks and told me to keep calm and be positive. She asked me to fill in some details to try to occupy me until the police arrived. ‘We have heard the police have already advised his family and they are on their way. They want you to wait with him.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘They hope to arrive soon but don’t want him to be alone if he wakes up. But it depends since the doctor is checking for damage and trying to stop the bleeding. He may be in the operating theatre so he’ll update us when he can and meantime I’ll stay with you.’

This was crazy. I was in a public place dressed in Rebeccas clothes and I was behaving more and more like a girlfriend and as bad as the situation was I wasn’t going to desert my best friend. Stephanie went to check what was happening so I was alone. I looked at the clock and it was 9pm. I was several miles from home and I couldn’t leave Nicks. I checked my phone for messages and decided I’d better call mum and let her know what had happened. This might be a long night and I thought it would be safer to get changed and remove the mascara. But Stephanie would then know. Maybe I would think of something.

Nicks family were due shortly and his mum would recognise me as Millies friend from our dinner together. Another reason not to be seen as Nicks girlfriend. What a mess. The police might expect to interview a girl not a boy so I needed to get my backside in gear and make a decision.

I put my phone in my shoulder bag and looked around for the bag with my levis and boy bits. I realised I’d lost my carry bag. I’d either left it in the ambulance or it was still in the shop doorway. Worse still my money was in my wallet along with my student card and my only credit card. So I couldn’t get changed even if I wanted to.

I checked with Steph when she came back. Nothing was in the ambulance. So now if the bag was found the shop owner had details to go with the video.

I called mum and walked outside so I could talk in a normal voice. It wasn’t a long conversation. She was on her way before the cost of the call had been credited to Vodafone and that’s bloody fast.

To be continued …….

Walking in Beckys Shoes — Chapter 8
By
Julie D Cole

I put my phone in my shoulder bag and looked around for the bag with my levis and boy bits. I realised I’d lost my carry bag. I’d either left it in the ambulance or it was still in the shop doorway. Worse still my money was in my wallet along with my student card and my only credit card. So I couldn’t get changed even if I wanted to.
I checked with Steph when she came back. Nothing was in the ambulance. So now if the bag was found the shop owner had details to go with the video.
I called mum and walked outside so I could talk in a normal voice. It wasn’t a long conversation. She was on her way before the cost of the call had been credited to Vodafone and that’s bloody fast.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I walked around for a few minutes taking a few deep breaths. What had I got to worry about? It wasn’t me laying on a hospital bed having been knifed and all I’d done was be friends to two people who seemed to enjoy being with me and I sure as hell had been happy in their company.

My first priority had to be to ensure Nick was not badly hurt and would recover and my second priority was to ensure that his mum was OK. She might not even care if her son had befriended a mixed up boy who enjoyed dressing as a girl as long as he was safe and recovered. I couldn’t just run away. I didn’t know what Nicks might think if he came around but at least I had told him I was going to change and take the risk instead of him. But too late. The stupid boy. Why did he have to be so kind and try to find this madman? Why did we get into this mess. We did nothing to deserve this. Is it my punishment? If it is then please punish me not him.

I needed to check and there might be news so I had to get inside. Please, please save him please. Who was I talking to? Please let him be OK. He is my best friend. Please!!!

As I hurried back to the waiting room I looked at my reflection. Who am I? I stopped for a moment and it was as if someone else was looking back at me. Where had I gone? No sign of a boy just a girl in the glass. This was a different girl to the one who appeared in the mirror at home when I first dressed in Rebeccas clothes. Maybe walking in Beckys shoes had done something to me. Even if I had found my bag I didn’t want to change. Something inside me was wanting Becky to come out and not to hide away. Maybe I had to come clean and face whatever consequences come.

As I entered the waiting room my phone beeped. A message from mum to say she was almost at the hospital and was praying for Nicks. No sign of his mum yet and nobody here except me. Oh Nicks hang in there please. Where is everybody? Why am I talking to myself. Go find someone and do something. I had to do something or I’d never forgive myself.

I found Steph. She had some news. Good news. My prayers were being answered and so were mums.

‘He’s still in danger but he is stable. The doctor says he was lucky and a rib had deflected the knife.’

I fainted and she must have caught me. I can’t have been out for long and as I opened my eyes I saw a large light. I was in a recovery room with Steph and gradually she encouraged me to sit up and take sips of water. All I could say was sorry. ‘sorry steph, sorry.’

á‡ome on it’s just a shock and a nice one I hope.’Take a few moments to come around and then we’ll ask if we can see him. You’d like to see him wouldn’t you? Or would you like to wait for his mum to arrive?’

‘Oh thanks Steph. Thanks it’s great news. I’m OK honest. Yes I want to see him if I can. I need to be sure he’s OK.’

Steph took me to the recovery room. Nicks was asleep and had a drip fastened to his arm. His hair was pushed to the wrong side of his face and he wouldn’t like that. All signs of the bad attempt of make-up had been removed. It was strange to look at him laying peacefully like this without a smirk or a wink. I half expected him to jump up to surprise me but he didn’t.

ፒll leave you two for a few minutes and I’ll be through here if you need me. I’ll be waiting for his family. Don’t forget a police officer will need to see you to take a statement. I’ll keep them at bay with some tea. It usually works.’

I stood for a few moments looking at Nicks. I was so grateful that he was OK. He’ll go mad when he comes around that this madman got the better of him. I had an excuse for him if he said anything. I stepped forward and touched his hand. ‘Sorry Nick this was a stupid thing to do. I should have stopped you’I should learn to be stronger and speak out. Nicks why didn’t you just let me play the girl and you be the man? Nicks thank God you are safe.’

I felt him move and his eyes started to open, well flutter a bit I suppose. ‘’What do you mean? Where am I? ‘

He was trying to sit up so I pushed him back as gently as I could. ‘Stop Nicks you have to keep still and rest. You’ve been hurt and you have to take it easy.’

He seemed to go back to sleep so I wanted to let Steph know he was coming around. I took a comb out of my bag and slicked his hair to the side he liked as best I could. At least he looked like he liked to look. He didn’t like a girls parting and always wore it boys side even though he had the choice with two crowns. That was more like the nick I know and even a little smirk appeared on his face.

As I approached the desk to speak to Steph the main door opened and Nicks mum burst in along with her friend and behind them was Millie.

She smiled but her first priority was to ask Steph where Nicks was and she said ám I in time. Is he OK. Please God is he OK.’
‘Steph took control of the situation and reassured Nicks mum that he was safe and would be OK. I watched as the pain in Nicks mums face disappeared and a small smile of relief appeared as well as a few tears to her eyes. Then her natural beauty showed and now without make-up I could see that she must have been very stunning as a young girl. I could see where Nicks got his good looks and especially his brown eyes. I smiled to myself because I would tell him later that even though he had dressed and put on make-up he wasn’t a patch on her. A good sign since I could smile again.

Then I managed to speak. ‘Steph, When I was with nicks he opened his eyes. Not for long but enough to realise he was safe. Then he shut them again but I was sure he saw me. I squeezed his hand and he responded.’

‘Good that is a good sign so be patient and you’ll soon be able to talk to him. I’m sure he will be pleased to see all of you but we mustn’t rush things.’

Nicks mum was keen to go through and Steph realised so she took her hand. ‘Don’t worry Mrs Harvey he is fine. Let’s go through and check on him. Rest assured he is in good hands and the doctor told me he should recover quickly. He’s a lucky young man and I’m sure he has been comforted with his girlfriend here with him.’’

Then Nicks mum connected at last ‘Becky, thank goodness. I didn’t realise it was you at first. Sorry but now I realise what are you doing here. I didn’t realise that you knew each other. ‘Then she turned to Steph Oh let me see him please nurse.’

Nicks mum then just pushed past me and gave me a half smile as she headed to the recovery room to see Nicks. Steph must have seen the relief in my face ‘that Nicks mumhad acknowledged me because of what she said. She just whispered ‘Thanks’ as she passed me. I’d wanted to hug Nicks mum when I saw the tears even though I didn’t know her well. She didn’t know me except as Becky even though I was one of Nicks best mates. I’d never felt like this before and the only person who hugged me was mum. I guess I learned that we all need a hug sometimes especially when we are in a difficult situation. Boy oh boy was I in a difficult situation. Whichever way I turned I was going to cause some upset.

I went over to Millies mum who took my hand. Millie was strangely quiet and I didn’t understand why. She wasn’t looking at me and was clearly upset. I wondered if it was the memory of her attack coming back to her but she stepped back when I reached out. ‘Don’t please don’t’

‘What’s wrong Millie. Are you OK.’

ፒm fine thanks. Just leave me please. I want to go home now that we know Nick is OK. He will want you not me. Obviously you didn’t want to tell me you and he were together. I was introduced to him remember. We were supposed to go out together. Now I know why he ditched me tonight. It was because he was meeting you and you even left me to meet him. I hate you. I hate you.’

I was speechless. I wanted to just say it wasn’t true and tell her who I was. All the words came to my mind but my mouth wasn’t working. Hard as I tried nothing more than a mumble came out and the only word that made sense was sorry.’

She headed for the exit leaving her mum and I looking at each other. ‘She’ll be OK but maybe you two should have a chat. I’ll go check on things with Nick and his mum.’

Millie was outside in the smoking area when I found her. She had a cigarette and was sucking on it and blowing out into the night sky. ‘Leave me alone please becky. I don’t want to talk to you. It’s disgusting. So he was the vampire who bit your neck. You deserve each other so piss off will you and don’t come pretending to be my friend. I hate you.’

‘Millie please let me speak. You are wrong and you don’t understand. It’s not what you think. Nick didn’t bite me. I like him but not in the way that you think. He is just a mate.’

‘Get lost Becky just get lost! Leave me alone please and don’t bother me. I hate you.’

Despite my further attempts to speak she wasn’t listening. She’d just switched off and she was clearly fighting back tears.’ My God now I am a bitch as well as a fraud. Do I leave the situation like this and exit stage left? It could be my chance to escape without being detected. Before I could decide my phone flashed with a message. Mum was looking for me so I just mumbled another apology and told Millie who it was.

As I entered the reception mum had to look twice before she realised it was me. á“h my God, what are you doing? Why are you dressed like that?’

‘Mum, sorry I can explain.’

I didn’t tell her everything. I just told her about Nicks idea to trap the stalker and that we had both decided to dress as girls to attract him’

” Are you both mad? Now look what’s happened. It’s not like you are experts or that you can even defend yourselves let alone from a madman.’How is Nick? Do his parents know? Do they know what you were both doing?’

I told her that Nicks mum and Millies mum were with him and that he was out of danger. ‘Millie, where is Millie? Isn’t she your girlfriend? Can I meet her.’

‘No mum we had a row. She’s not speaking to me so better if we just go.’

We can’t just go I want to see Mrs Harvey. What would she think if I just left without showing concern. She will be so relieved. If it had been you I don’t know how I’d be feeling right now.’

Steph then came around the corner. áre there you are Becky. Come on the Police officer is waiting in my office.’

‘Becky? Who is Becky. Why are you seeing a police officer?’

‘Mum please just wait and I’ll explain when I’m done.’

á“h no young man I am coming with you to find out what’s going on around here.’

I looked at Steph and she looked back lifting her eyes from my toes to the top of my head. Then she looked over her glasses and shook her head a little. She smiled and said ‘Well I’ve seen it all. Well I though I had anyway. Come on then both of you I suppose all will be clear soon.

To be continued …………………

Walking in Beckys Shoes — Chapter 9
By
Julie D Cole

á“h no young man I am coming with you to find out what’s going on around here.’

I looked at Steph and she looked back lifting her eyes from my toes to the top of my head. Then she looked over her glasses and shook her head a little. She smiled and said ‘Well I’ve seen it all. Well I thought I had anyway. Come on then both of you I suppose all will be clear soon.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
As we approached the open door of Stephs office I could see the police officer scribbling something in in notebook. He stood up immediately and offered mum and gestured for mum and I to sit down. ‘Here you are miss I’m sorry and I know this must have been a bit of a shock but I need to ask a few questions. Just a moment whilst I ask a colleague into the room since we have to have a female officer present even though you are accompanied. Is this your sister or a friend? ’ Mum was apparently so flattered with the complement that she didn’t speak out.

‘No this is my mom. She just arrived so she doesn’t know what happened tonight or what Nick and I were doing.’

‘Just a minute Miss whilst my colleague arrives. Here she is this is Constable Atkinson so if you feel that you want to talk to her instead of me just let me know.’

‘No it’s OK. I’m in an awkward situation here officer I’m not a Miss I’m a Mr. Nick and I are mates from school.’

‘Mates? I thought you were his girlfriend. That’s what it says here in the nurse’s daybook and the register at reception. Mr Nicholas Harvey and Ms Rebecca Cole friend. Did you say Mr?

I looked at mum and at Steph as she closed the door and left us in privacy. ‘Yes, I am in the notebook and the register as Rebecca Cole but that’s not my name. I’m not his girlfriend I’m his boyfriend. Well no sorry not his boyfriend his friend and I’m a boy.’

‘Well are you sure about that? What’s wrong are you frightened of getting into trouble? ‘He looked across at mom expecting her to comment but I jumped in. ‘Mum didn’t know we were out tonight together since I am supposed to be home studying.’

‘Well Miss you’ve certainly attracted trouble tonight by being out without permission and your boyfriend is a very lucky lad. See what happens when you deceive?’

Officer I’m not his girlfriend. Look these are just clothes I wore as a disguise so we could trap the guy who attacked Millie. He attacked me too and so I was angry and Nick and I wanted to try to lure him out and catch him.’

Mum looked shocked. ‘Who attacked you? When? You didn’t tell me. What happened and why didn’t you tell me?’

‘Look here Miss or Mr. Are you now telling me something else happened and you were attacked too? Did you report this? This is getting a bit more serious and perhaps we’d better go downtown and have a deeper chat. This was serious enough if it was just a knife fight but it seems there is more to this.’

I lowered my head in shame since I’d not intended to mislead or deceive anybody and I was only here to help and look after Nick. Mum stood up and put an arm around my shoulder to let me know I wasn’t in trouble. Come on spit it out dear. What’s all this about?’

I told them what we’d been doing but not that I’d been dressed to go out leaving them you conclude that both Nick and I had dressed to act as bait and Nick had been confronted by the madman.

‘We think we know who it is. Well we were pretty sure so Nicks knew he could handle him but he didn’t reckon on the knife. I told him it was stupid and to let me do it. He finally agreed and only went to change.’

‘But you were attacked before so why would you want to be so stupid to act as bait? Just see what’s happened. You should leave these things to us experts.’

I must have been bright scarlet by now. I did feel stupid and embarrassed. ‘We were annoyed since this guy is the same guy who raped Millie. Well we think it is. He’s a pervert. Look what he did to my neck.’

‘If you didn’t report this didn’t you at least tell your mother?’

‘No I couldn’t.’

‘Why and why the lovebite and not a knife mark or a bruise or two. Why would he attack a boy and bite your neck?

‘He didn’t attack a boy he attacked me. I mean I wasn’t dressed as a boy I was dressed like this. Well different clothes but like this.’

‘’So you and Mr Harvey did the same stupid thing before. You came back for more? What on earth did you hope to achieve playing a game like this?”

I was sinking deeper and mum was trying not to speak out. She held me tighter and the lady constable suggested I sat down and wanted to talk to her colleague outside. So they left us and of course mum wanted to know the full details. I still couldn’t bring myself to tell her about Becky and how this mix up occurred. I kept stopping short because I couldn’t risk the chance of being grounded or of being forced to stop my trips out even though Millie was angry with me. But she was outside somewhere and might still blow my cover. Well she might make it more obvious that there was more to this than attempts to capture a madman.
‘
By now I was bursting and I desperately needed to pay a visit to the bathroom. Mum called in the two police officers. In the circumstances and looking at you I think you’d be better to go with Officer Atkinson and she’ll stand by. You can hardly use the Men’s dressed like that. I’ve enough on my hands without more trouble. ‘

Mum offered to come too and helped me tidy myself up. Strange but she seemed more at ease about the situation than I could have expected.

As we came out Millie appeared at the end of the corridor. ‘Becky is everything OK? I’m sorry but you’re not in trouble are you?’

‘No Millie everything is OK. I’m fine and I’m just helping. This is my mum. This is Millie.’

“Oh, you are Millie. I’m pleased to meet you at last. Is it true that you are both friends?’’

Yes Becks and I are friends but I was awful to her and I shouldn’t have been. I’m sorry Becky please forgive me.’

I didn’t quite know what to do but mum just squeezed my arm and glanced at me giving me a smile of reassurance. Why wasn’t she angry? Why didn’t she correct Millie?’’

‘’Lock Millie we are helping the police to understand what happened to Nick so can we talk later and you just find your mum and Nicks mum. We might be a while.’

She nodded and we walked back to Stephs office. I looked at mum and she whispered ‘Well I couldn’t hurt the poor girl. Does she think you’re your sister or something? Where does all this Becky stuff come from I thought this was just you and Nick trying to catch someone. There seems to be something at the back of all this. Am I right?’

‘Well mum I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t risk hurting Millie. I need to talk to her. ‘’I didn’t want to say too much in front of Officer Atkinson. Luckily mum seemed to sense that things were better left unsaid.

Somehow we resisted the visit to the police station on the basis that mum and I would report there the following day to suit mums working arrangements and school. I wanted to see Nick so badly and the feeling I had was strange. I felt strangely protective of him and wanted to be sure he was out of danger.

As the police officers left to go back on their beats Steph came over to us. ‘’Is everything alright? No trouble is there you two?’’

I answered and it was funny since Steph wasn’t treating me differently than before. ‘He’s OK now and you don’t need to worry. He’ll be sore for a while but why don’t you get home for some sleep and come back tomorrow. Leave his mum and her friends with him for a while. Give her chance to feel comfortable.’’

With that we shook her hand and agreed to leave. She held my hands and smiled. ‘’It’s not the first time is it? I must say you handled the situation very well. He’s a lucky guy. I hope he realises how much you like him. Maybe you two need a chat when he’s on the mend.’’

‘’Yes I will. I’ll be back tomorrow if mum agrees.’’

‘’Well first of all let’s get you home you have some explaining to do. Where is your change of clothes? Are you going to change now or later?’

‘’Mum I can’t since I’ve left them behind in a bag in a shop doorway. Can we go get them on the way home since my wallet is in my pocket and it has my credit card and some cash inside?’

‘’Oh no that’s all we need come on show me where. You can explain some of this on the way. I just knew something was going on young man.’’

To be continued…….

Walking in Beckys Shoes — Chapter 10
By
Julie D Cole

‘’Well first of all let’s get you home you have some explaining to do. Where is your change of clothes? Are you going to change now or later?’
‘’Mum I can’t since I’ve left them behind in a bag in a shop doorway. Can we go get them on the way home since my wallet is in my pocket and it has my credit card and some cash inside?’
‘’Oh no that’s all we need come on show me where. You can explain some of this on the way. I just knew something was going on young man.’’
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Mum didn’t speak much until we arrived at the car in the parking lot. It was well lit and it seemed like daylight so I was in full view as she looked at me.
‘Make-up, breasts, hair, slim like your sister. You are every bit a young woman and no doubt you think I didn’t know or suspect anything did you? Is this something you feel that you have to do? Did you think I hadn’t noticed the change in you these last few years or the clues that you leave behind?’
‘Mum, I’m sorry but I didn’t think anything at all this is all an accident tonight and I should never have agreed with Nick to take this chance It was stupid.’

“I’m not talking about just tonight and you were lucky it wasn’t you lying in that bed. You’ve never had the training that all girls get as they grow up. Boys are much safer and don’t sense danger when out alone. You are all girl dressed like that and you won’t have a clue about men and their behavior. Not many men are as mild as you. ‘

‘Mum I’m sorry I was confused and I let things go too far.’

‘So how long have you had this passion you seem to have to dress in your sister’s clothes?’

‘Not long mum. At first it was a bit of fun on a rainy day I was bored.’

‘Look Becky even your sister noticed things were being moved around and were being worn from time to time. We were both getting concerned and she asked about you last time she came home because she meets men who cross-dress regularly at University in her drama club.’

.But she never saw me mum did she? So she must be guessing. ‘

‘I saw you myself flitting between the bathroom and bedroom one night. I thought it was Rebecca for a moment. You gave me quite a turn. I decided to say nothing in case it was a one off.’

‘Mum I’m sorry I don’t know what to say. Yes I borrowed some things occasionally and yes I like to see myself dressed up rather than plain boring me. I feel different and more confident like this and I don’t have to try to act tough. I can be me.’

‘Look Becky this is more common than you think so do you want to talk?’

‘Nobody likes me as a whimp. I can’t help it I’m useless as a boy. Like this I made friends and my work at school has improved. It’s like I’m a different person. ‘

Mum looked me straight in the eye and then stepped forward and hugged me. I hugged her so tightly she complained that she couldn’t breathe. Her breasts were warm and it was so long since I’d felt the comfort even through my own imitations. How wonderful it must be to have the ability to take someone to your breasts and give them warmth and to connect with them and make them part of you. I felt tears of relief as her warmth engulfed me. ‘

‘Mum I’m so sorry but this is how I dress when I study with Millie and I’ve been going out like this for quite a while. She’s not my girlfriend she’s my girlfriend if you know what I mean. We get on great. Well we did until tonight. She seemed so jealous of my relationship with Nick but he’s my mate. He is the one true friend I have at school who has treated me as normal. He’s great and we get on great. I like Millie too. They are both great and I think dressing like this and being Becky gave me confidence. I felt sorry for Millie. I never intended to get close or to mislead her but she needed me. She was lonely like I was lonely.’

Mum hugged me again and the tears flowed down my cheeks. God knows what I must look like with mascara all over my face but I didn’t have to worry as mum took a tissue from her bag and helped me tidy up. ‘That’s the second time tonight I’ve seen I have another daughter. You are very beautiful you know just like your sister. Must be my side of the family in you not your dads.’

We smiled and the smiles turned to grins and then we were laughing. “Oh yes you are truly another Hennessey just like Rebecca and you are so pretty when the tears flow. We’ll have to just see how we can help. I think some mom and daughter time might not be such a bad thing occasionally. I do miss Rebecca for the girly things we’ve done together and I feel bad that you never had the same chance to do the things we did. Being a young woman and going through the body changes is not as nice as you might think though and a daughter needs a mum to help understand what’s going on.’

‘Mum I know and I saw. I never had chance to cuddle up on the sofa and chat or to express my feelings. I have been confused and I wanted the stomach cramps and to sit and cry watching a movie just to get chance to be close to you. It was horrible to feel that I couldn’t hug you or kiss you or call you mummy like Rebecca did. I felt like I wasn’t part of you.’

‘Don’t be so silly. I’m so sorry of course I loved you just as much but Rebecca did have a bad time as she went through puberty just like I did so she needed me. She is just my daughter and you’re my son. Well now maybe you are more than that so you can make up for lost time if you want. Let’s see how things go and as long as you aren’t going to be hurt I’ll help you through it. “

‘Mum right now I don’t want to be viewed as a freak. I am comfortable dressed like this and the longer the better. I never wanted to hide or to mislead you. I just wanted to experiment and I found that I enjoy it.’
“Huh, of course dear don’t take what I said too literally I meant I’ll help you and maybe I can get more time to relax if you spend a little more time as a second daughter.’

‘What do you mean? You mean you wouldn’t mind?’

‘Just think on it’s not all upside for a young woman. Part of our responsibility is doing daily chores you know. It’s not all about being beautiful and preening in front of the mirror. There are plenty of things we can do together that will make you see life from a woman’s point of view. Maybe this is what you need. It is payback time. Don’t you agree that you deserve some sort of punishment for your misbehavior? ”

It was such a relief at last to feel I didn’t have to hide anymore. Maybe mom could accept me like this if I agreed to help at home. Maybe I could be Becky at home. Maybe this would be enough to make me feel better. I just stared out of the window with these thoughts going through my head.

Soon we were turning into the High Street and I pointed to the shop. It was a double yellow line but who cares at this time. This was an emergency. Aghh no bag. Had I really left it there or somewhere else? ‘’Blast. Damn and blast!

Mom got out of the car. “Are you sure dear. Is this definitely where you left it and where you changed. Why a shop doorway? I don’t know. What on earth were you thinking? Look there is a security camera up there so no doubt somebody will see who took the bag. We have two choices. Either we report it to the police or we just cancel your credit card and give up the bag and the clothes. ‘which do you want?’

“Mom wait a minute. There look. It’s inside the shop on the shelf behind the counter. It’s definitely my bag. Somebody found it and took it inside. Maybe we just leave it and cancel the card.’

‘Well the better option is to face up to it. The wallet contains all your details so you can’t hope everything just blows over. We have to come back to see the shop owner and explain. Truth is best. Everything is recorded anyway so just face up to it. It’s not like you committed a crime. I can come with you if you like, it’s up to you.’

‘I’m not sure.’

‘Come on and think about it I’m dying for a cup of tea. I left the bar tonight and only had one sip of the cup I’d made and we got nothing at the hospital. ‘

We were soon home and I ran upstairs wanting to change. Mom shouted after me not to dare come back down as her son but come back down as her daughter so I just headed to the bathroom and sorted out my face. I tidied up my figure a bit. Mum had almost squashed the life out of my bosoms. Soon I looked human again and I headed back downstairs and with each step the feeling that I needed mum not to laugh intensified. I didn’t need to worry although I did take care not to lose the bust that mum admired as she hugged me again.

‘Honey is that all you? We’ll have to help you develop a bit more and maybe send your sister a photo or too so she can see how much alike you are.”

We shared some tea and chatted for ages and made plans for how I might handle things with Nick and with Millie. Both were challenges I needed to face and I’d no idea how they would react. But at least I went to bed without my bedroom door locked and I didn’t now have to hide from mom.

I lay in my bed and stared out of the window looking at the clear sky dotted with stars. For the first time I’d been brave enough to stand and look out with my bed side light on wearing a silk nightdress. For some reason I didn’t care if I was seen. Mum knew already and so did Rebecca.

I hoped this would be my chance to step out and right then I almost wanted to be noticed. Surely nobody could ever feel any better than I did just then. My tummy was turning over and my hands were shaking slightly. I felt weak and sad because poor Nick was laid in bed sedated and yet here I was feeling on top of the world. Surely nobody else could feel like I did then.

It is the strangest feeling to find yourself and feel chance to experience what it’s like to be the person that you really are. It had been a weird evening and I’d wanted to shout out but at the same time I also wanted to run and hide.

My phone bleeped. It was a message from Millie to say how sorry she was that she had been awful to me and letting me know that Nick had woken up and said that he’d had a strange dream and that he’d seen a girl he’d been searching for. I called her immediately and she said now she accepted that I wasn’t his girlfriend because he fancied a stranger who he hadn’t even met.

It was a bit of a shock at first but then I was sure that he must not have recognized me at his bedside in his state of confusion. Somehow I wanted him to have seen me and realized it was me. I guess I was dreaming even though I was still wide awake. ‘Becky are you still there. Are you listening to me?’

“Of course Millie I heard you and I’m glad we didn’t fall out. I would never have gone behind your back and I’m sorry that you feel rejected. Don’t think about it and let Nick get well and then maybe this girl will disappear as fast as she came. But it could be just his imagination because it was me at his bedside not this other girl he seems to crave after. It’s not a nice feeling to find somebody is looking at you but they have eyes for somebody else. Even the hots for them.’

We finished the call and agreed to meet the following day after I’d been somewhere with my mom. I needed to get my bag back and I wanted to go see Nick but the question was who would go? Dare this be me walking in Becky’s shoes and should I find my own name now since hopefully mom and I were going to spend time together? So I finally lay back and closed my eyes to think about the challenges that lay ahead of me. Do I or don’t I? Should I or shouldn’t I? Can I or can’t I
.
That night I had the most wonderful dream. Nick and I were at the cinema and we were sharing popcorn and he had his arm around me. The film was a wonderful romantic movie about a girl who travelled to Ireland to propose to her boyfriend because it was Leap Year. The girl had red hair but it was me. The boy she was proposing to looked like someone I’d seen before. The guy who was helping her to go meet him in Dublin looked like Nick. He was tall and slim and I turned to Nick to tell him and he just laughed and gave me a sticky popcorn kiss. I’d never been kissed by a boy before and I liked it. In fact it was the most perfect kiss. I didn’t want it to stop and somebody was pulling me away from him. Then I woke up.

It was mum trying to wake me up and I hadn’t responded to the alarm or her shouts from downstairs. I sat up in bed. She smiled and turned to look out of the window whilst I tidied myself. One thing for sure was that the nightdress wasn’t covering everything and I’d not woken up so rigid for many a long time.

Come on young lady it’s time to get ready. Let’s get you back into your normal clothes so quick get showered and come and eat your cereals. ‘Mom I don’t want too much please. I had a really nice dream. Thanks for tolerating me. Is it still OK to be Becky when I come home tonight?

‘Yes dear of course it is. We have lots to discuss but I won’t be home from work until 10pm or so. Are you going to collect your bag and maybe even to see Nick?
‘Yes mom both as well as seeing Millie. She sent a message last night and we had a good chat. I need to see her too because she thinks Nick is chasing after someone else so she is relieved. But mom it was me who he saw. But he didn’t know it was me. God now what do I do? He is chasing someone that doesn’t exist.’

‘Well you made your bed now I guess you have to lie in it. You’ll work something out. I’m sure that you won’t rush into anything. I’m going to call Rebecca later and have a chat. After I send her the photos of course.’

“Yes mom that’s another thing I decided. You can’t have two Beckys so is it OK if you ask Rebecca if she’ll use that name whilst I use Becky. If she objects then I’ll try to find another name that fits my style.’

‘What style is that then? Scruffy and unwashed? Are you ever going to get ready or are you going to sit there gossiping all day?’

Maybe to be continued ………………………….. I hope so.

 

---

“Yes mom that’s another thing I decided. You can’t have two Becky’s so is it OK if you ask Rebecca if she’ll use that name whilst I use Becky. If she objects then I’ll try to find another name that fits my style.’
‘What style is that then? Scruffy and unwashed? Are you ever going to get ready or are you going to sit there gossiping all day?’

…………………………………………………………………………………..

I got ready for school in my normal mode and mum looked at me and pushed my hair to one side. Then she hugged me and instead of resisting like I would have done before I felt the warmth of her breasts again. This time might be different since my own breasts were missing but the feeling was just as good. I guess we boys don’t like to show our true emotions that is why mom had stopped hugging me. “We boys? I didn’t want to be a we boy or a wee boy. I really wanted to be Becky and today I needed it more than ever before. I had things to do and I had to find some Becky time.”

Mom finally let me out of the bear hug. “I’ll meet you at lunchtime if you like and we’ll go get your bag. What do you think?”


” I was thinking the same thing but didn’t like to ask. Will you do a note for school so I can go see Nick? Do you think it would be OK if I had time off today? I can’t help feeling that he got stabbed because of me and I want to talk to him if he’s well enough. I want to know if he saw who stabbed him and what we need to report. I want to check if it was the guy who raped Millie and the same guy who attacked me?”

“What do you mean? Do you know who did this awful thing? What’s this about Millie and more so about attacking you. I don’t think you should go to school till we get to the bottom of all this. We need to have a chat and never mind school. Why didn’t you report this to the police officer last night? “

“Mom I couldn’t could I? I was dressed different and I was frightened everything would come out. Anyway I needed to talk to Nick to be sure and he still hadn’t come around. He was barely conscious and his mom was there with Millie’s mom and then Millie. It was too complicated and to be honest I expected you to be angry with me when you saw Becky. “

She put an arm around me and kissed my head.’” I’ll ring school now and tell them what happened and then we’ll go get the bag a bit later and maybe we can spend the morning together and then have some lunch. Then I’ll drop you at the hospital on my way to work and you can see Nick. “

I was relieved since I wasn’t up to going to school and facing people. Especially with Nick in hospital and not knowing what to say about him. I feared I’d be in tears if anybody asked and then I’d look even more of a whimp.

The call was easy for mum and she turned and smiled. “One job done so now let’s see what’s next and have a chat. Shall we wait for a while before we go get your bag since the shops don’t open till around 10am these days and even if they do the owner might not be there till later.”

I sat at the breakfast bar and mum filled the kettle and warmed the teapot. “I could do with a hand around here this morning and maybe I might get more out of Becky than you. You don’t suppose she’s upstairs is she if you go and take a look? “

I didn’t need a second ask and I couldn’t believe my luck. I was struggling this morning and I was feeling awkward to talk about things and maybe as Becky I might feel more talkative.’

I was off like a shot and I discarded my school clothes as fast as I could. Just pulling on a pair of panties had a magic calming effect and I was sure that my features softened as I looked in the mirror. I was also sure that my chest was more like a bust and I touched my nipples and they did feel more sensitive today.

What to wear? If mum really had no problem then maybe I could wear a skirt or a dress but in the end I opted for something a bit more practical and selected top and cropped trousers with flat shoes and no heel. They were comfortable but not very feminine. Well not as feminine as normal. I looked OK but needed to look more like the Becky who’d been meeting Millie so in the end I put on a bra and changed to a lower cut top that exposed bare chest.

By squeezing a bit and padding the bra it did look like I had a real bust and it made me feel better. It must be wonderful to be like mum and Rebecca. Life’s not fair. I looked from a few different angles and no doubt I liked what I saw. Just imagine what Nick would think if he saw me now. He might run a mile or he might just crack out laughing. But he might feel sympathy or even just accept this side of me. What am I thinking? I am just enjoying myself and shouldn’t fool myself into thinking I can just flick a switch and change from boy to girl.

I sighed and carried on getting ready but my mobile phone rang before I’d finished making up my face. I jumped out of my skin and poked myself in the eye with the mascara brush. Even with one watery eye I saw it was Millie calling. She told me that she wasn’t going to school either. She’d been unable to sleep as the shock had reminded her of her own trauma and she was frightened in case the culprit was the same person and he seemed to be getting away with it. She started to get tearful so her mum interrupted the call and spoke to me and asked how I was. Luckily dressed like this the voice came naturally and now that Becky was no longer locked in the wardrobe I didn’t need to whisper and look over my shoulder for mum. I agreed to meet Millie later but I couldn’t fix a time until I finalized plans with mum so I agreed to call later.

I cleaned my eye and finished my face without going over the top since it was daytime. I tried to visualize what make up was appropriate and what Rebecca might wear. I wanted more because it made me feel better but at the same time if I was being accepted by mom maybe better not to look like I was going out on the town like some of the girls at school who were regularly sent home.

As I entered the kitchen mum picked up the teapot and filled two cups. I didn’t usually drink tea I drank Coke and certainly I’d never used girly cups before. I didn’t have much choice in the matter.

“Come on young lady you need to get the toast on I’ve already got the butter and preserves on the table.” Now I was suddenly young lady not young man.

“We have to allocate you some chores now each day if we are sharing the kitchen. Rebecca always made toast and filled the dishwasher before she went to school. We always had time in the mornings and she was never late like you have always been so I hope you take note. I certainly hope that Becky is going to be a bit more her sister.”

“Yes mum but Becky can’t go to school every day like this so maybe it’s not possible to do the dishwasher.”

“Nice try Miss but you will have to decide who takes breakfast. If it’s not Becky then she can do chores in the evening then before she goes to the library to see Millie.”

So that was the deal I would be free of chores in boy mode but a slave as Becky. I suppose there is always a downside. The toast was soon ready and I did a couple of twirls for mum I settled onto my stool and as mum pointed out I naturally crossed my legs.

It was much easier chatting to mum like this and I wished we’d had chance before. The longer we chatted the more the conversation touched on my friendships with Nick and Millie. Eventually mum got me to talk about the attack and the bite on my neck. I told her how I’d escaped and that Id stamped on the creeps foot. She smiled “that’s my girl.”

She said that she now saw how easily I seemed to switch into Becky mode and that if I was comfortable then she’d try to help. As for the name I’d used she felt I’d gotten used to it so I should keep it for now and maybe we’d go meet Rebecca soon and let her see me in the flesh. Well mum corrected herself. ‘Not totally in the flesh. “

If everything worked out mum was sure that Rebecca might agree to give me a few things from her wardrobe so we didn’t fall out over me borrowing them. I felt a bit bad even though most things I’d worn weren’t likely to interest her any more as she’d moved on.

We talked more about Nick and she concluded that we were more than friends and that maybe as Becky I had a crush on him. Of course I was embarrassed and tried to deny it but after talking together about my dream and how mum had disturbed the kiss I didn’t have much of an excuse. There was certainly more than a boy to boy friendship as far as I was concerned and whilst nothing had ever happened in the touchy feely stakes he did tend to treat me more like a girl than as a boy so I wondered what his thoughts might be if interrogated by mum like I was.

“Come on then young lady let’s get our skates on and go to town. Are you changing or coming like that? “

“Mum I can’t go like this really. It would be dangerous and the shop owner wouldn’t let me have my bag back. “

“Well it’s up to you but if he’s looked at the tapes he’s not going to be surprised is he?”

“Still it’s different to face him.”

“Well will you be more embarrassed facing him like that or dressed as a boy?”

“You’re right mom I suppose I could go like this since at least they don’t see my real face.”

“Well mums are often right but I guess we’ll have to wait and see which your real face is. What about when you meet Nick and then when you meet Millie? Are you going to carry on switching between girl and boy and risk upsetting one or the other and then being hurt yourself?’

“I don’t know what to do. I would like to spend the day like this and even felt it was time to let Nick see me but for sure I’d have no answer if he is angry. I can’t make up any excuses like I didn’t bother to get changed after last night or that I didn’t my bag back. I’d hate it if he was so upset that we were no longer friends.’

‘Look hon who is it that is friends with him? Is it boy to boy friendship or closer than that? If you carry on as friends boy to boy it might not be in either of your interests. So boy to boy or boy to girl friendship you still have a problem. In your dream last night were you accepting that you prefer the girl boy option?’

‘Phewww. I don’t know mom. I wonder if I’m better letting him see me as a boy but let him see me dressed in a more feminine way out of school so he is not so shocked. I could wear some clothes that are more unisex and not wear a bra. Then maybe I might just look a bit more boyish when I see Millie and tweak it a bit.’

‘Well I can help if you want. We could have your hair trimmed and styled a bit and maybe soften the color. Lots of boys get away with the girly look. We don’t have to go ultra-feminine just a bit more in the middle of the road. Something that’s easy to interpret either way. You have enough hair for the salon girls to work on but once you color it then you’re coming out a bit. It’s probably going to make the visit to collect your bag a bit easier. We have time this morning and I think I might like to help if it’s going to mean you are happier and continue to do well at school. The downside is that you’ll be risking more bullying or being hurt. It’s your call at the end of the day but I’ll be right behind you whatever you decide. I’ve always seen your softer personality and it’s important to be the person inside.’

“OK mom I think I decided. Where can we go for the re-style? Will you help me select a more neutral look that is in between me and Becky so I can work this out?’

‘I’ll call my salon and I don’t think they’ll be busy at this time but it’s just pot luck. You go find a few things and we’ll choose something appropriate. Rebecca had boyish phase just like you are going through a girlish phase so we should find something. Don’t worry about upsetting her I can fix that. She is easily bribed.’

So back I went up the stairs. I still wasn’t sure about the best way to deal with this situation and then before I had to make a decision the house phone went. Mom answered and that’s all
I recall. I was too excited at the prospect of having open hours into Rebecca’s wardrobe. To be honest when I looked in the mirror I’d decided to give up and revert back to boy mode. It was the safer bet. Crap but definitely the better route forward or I might regret it for the rest of my life. At least that was my thinking. Isn’t life a bummer?

So as much as I felt I should be selecting items I didn’t really have the appetite any longer and I was ready to just run away and jump in the river or any other quick solution that I might think of en- route. Pigs, shit, rats, bugger, bugger, bugger as we say in England. Bugger, bugger, bugger.

As far as I was concerned it was time to concede defeat. Put the baby back in the cot and the cork in the wine. Out the top on the popcorn and throw away the Coke I was in Shitsville. I was stuck with the hand I was dealt as crap as it was and even Maverick was at my shoulder I couldn’t see a way of winning. Bugger, bugger, bugger.

Then mom shouted me from downsrairs. “Becky Hennessey that was the policeman on the phone who interviewed you last night. Just hang on a minute since we might have to think again. They need you to call in at the Police Station to confirm your statement and talk about some guy they arrested. They might need you to pick him out from a line up but all depends if you can confirm what you said last night. They need to see Becky. What could I say except OK? I didn’t tell a lie when they asked if Becky was in. I just said you were upstairs.”

I ran downstairs. “OK mom doesn’t worry that’s it then. I have no choice I have to walk in Beckys shoes at least one more time whatever I do.’

‘What are you talking about you are either following this through or coming clean. A trial may take months with our legal procedures so make your mind up because it’s the whole 10 yards or nothing. Do you help catch the guy and put him away or hide Becky away?

“Surely you see that we have to go to the Station. Becky come on we have no choice now. Please be realistic and think of poor Millie. Just think what she went through. Think of Nick who is lucky to be alive. Isn’t it your duty to help?”

“Bugger, bugger, bugger.”
To be continued……………..

Walking in Becky’s Shoes – Chapter 12
Final Chapter
By Julie Dawn Cole

So mum has already made her decision that is positive for me and might make things easier in the coming months. As far as she is concerned I’m accepted as Becky Hennessey, the sister of Rebecca and her second daughter when I’m in girl mode and Ashton Cole in boy mode. She wanted me to adopt her family name rather than cause confusion with my sister Rebecca Elizabeth Cole.

I was not sure my father would be happy about the name change since I was named after his Grandfathers home town of Ashton Under Lyme on the outskirts of Manchester where the family had owned a large factory until the business was bankrupt. It was closed mainly because of low cost imports from Hong Kong. Dad never had chance to follow his fathers footsteps.

My mother was always proud of her family name and the Hennessey’s had roots back to Ireland where they originated and whilst she had one brother and two sisters the families had been split and so we had cousins in Ireland, USA, Australia and New Zealand. Most of the Hennessey families had girls and as far as I knew from mum I was the last male descendant in her side of the family.

Judging by her ready acceptance of me it confirmed she’d always wanted another daughter, especially after Rebecca left home. I knew that she missed her girly time with Rebecca and their fashion gossip. I felt excluded and rejected for a while and dad wasn’t around much to provide a balance. He tended to dote on Rebecca anyway when he came home as the first child.

Even though I had this preliminary stamp of approval from mum I doubted that I would be allowed to attend school as Becky and I resisted asking the question until we had chance to discuss it. I thought that I might raise this later by asking about her family tree.

My mind was racing and there were so many issues to consider and I doubted fellow students would be accepting of my change in appearance and the school didn’t appear to be very tolerant of stepping outside strict rules and regulations as a mixed school. I was at least heartened by frequent publicity and documentaries on sexual confusion, cross dressing and sex reassignment which almost always involved boy to girl stories.

Back to the Story:

We tidied up the kitchen and mum went upstairs to get ready whilst I called Steph at the hospital to check on Nick and establish if he was able to have visitors and what time I could visit him. She was very helpful and I set a time of 11am. He had managed to eat something that was a good sign.

Mum had made a special effort when she came back downstairs and so I did my best to make her proud and selected a jacket and some ankle boots with matching bag. Mum selected a bracelet and a necklace from Rebecca’s small treasure trove.

‘Oh Becky you look just like your sister and one of your cousins. Come and see.’

We went to her bedroom where she produced a photograph of Rebecca and our cousin Shanade taken a few years ago in New York when Rebecca had been lucky to visit with a school trip. I think I did look more like Shanade so maybe I was a Hennessey after all.

We headed into town and arrived back on the High Street car park at 10-30 am according to the pre-paid ticket. Mum hooked my arm and we walked together up the High Street towards the shop. It was open and there was a lady behind the counter serving two customers. I took a deep breath and we went inside. We waited our turn and she welcomed us and asked if she could help.

Mum took over and explained the purpose of our visit nodding towards my bag. She sent for the owner a middle aged man who seemed nice. Luckily because I told the truth about Nick and I trying to catch a person who was attacking young women he was very co-operative. It appeared I’d nothing to be worried about. He’d already heard a rumor that somebody had been stabbed so he’d looked at the film to try to see if there was any connection between the stabbing and the bag he’d found. It seemed that he’d called the local police station and was advised to hang onto the bag and they would send an officer to meet him.

‘But that’s my bag and inside it you’ll find my wallet and credit cards. Please will you hand it back so I can check the contents.’

‘Sorry Miss not until the police have been’

‘But we are going to the Police Station to assist them and identify a possible attacker. The person who was stabbed is my best friend.’

‘Oh there was a fight then?’

‘No he was attacked and I was too and so was my friend Millie who was raped two years ago.’

‘My goodness this is quite a case and so it isn’t just simple case it involves attacks and stabbings. Definitely I’m not handing anything over they may want the bag and my film for evidence.’

‘But it’s my bag and you will have seen me on the video film getting changed.’

‘No Miss it was a boy in the film and the belongings are male not female.’

‘I know that. I was just getting changed to help attract this creep who attacks women.’

‘So you’re telling me you were going to dress up as a boy to entice him. Is the culprit gay then?’

‘No he’s not gay as far as I know. He’s a creep who attacks women. He goes to our school. I’m due at the police station later to check if they found who stabbed my best friend. Maybe to see if arrested somebody and if it’s the person we suspected. This creep attacked me and I saw his face. I have a mark on my neck to prove it and he has a hole in his foot after I stamped on him with my heel. I hope that explains enough to let you give me my possessions back.’

‘He must be gay then if he thought you were a boy. I’m surprised that your boyfriend was happy about leaving you exposed. Why did he let you walk home alone?’

‘No you don’t understand. I wasn’t dressing up as a boy in your doorway. This is crazy. I’m due at the police station to explain this later so then you’ll understand. Can I have my bag back please?’

‘Look the bag stays here unless you come back with a police officer or they send someone to collect it for evidence along with the tape.’

‘But my wallet and credit cards are in the bag and I need them. Check for yourself.’

‘No I’m not touching the bag again until instructed by the police. They might need it for fingerprints or to look inside for evidence.’
‘Mom this is stupid. I can’t seem to make him understand.’

‘Look Becky let’s leave it for now. As long as the bag is secure we’ll let the police deal with it. No point worrying now and upsetting this gentleman. He is only doing his best. Come on you don’t need your wallet for now and it’s probable it’s still there.’

The owner spoke again. ‘Look Miss your mum is right. There is a wallet inside and it does contain credit cards so what is your name because I gave the owners name to the police.?’

Mum didn’t let me respond. ‘Thank you as long as it’s there we’ll let the police recover it and get it back from them. Come on Becky let’s go and say thank you to the kind man.’

‘ Sorry ladies.’

Mum coupled to my arm again and we headed back to the car. I felt so angry but I guess mum was right. No nee to confuse the situation if the owner thought I was a girl dressing as a boy. We’d had to explain to the police in any case.’

‘Come on Becky let’s have a coffee and calm down now we know your wallet is safe. We still have 40 minutes on the parking ticket.’

We went into Starbucks and mum treated us to two Flat Whites and a Blueberry Muffin to share whilst we decided if I should go directly to the hospital or via the hair salon. I preferred to see Nick as soon as possible and to try to explain things as best I could. I crossed my fingers and toes that he would still stay friends with me.

‘What about Millie?’

‘I’ll call her later once we’ve been to the Police Station. Otherwise we’ll never get there.’

Mum dropped me at the door of A&E and agreed to fix up a hair appointment for 2 pm so I felt better and more relaxed. She recommended a head and neck massage so I didn’t need persuading.

I found my way to the reception and asked for Steph who arrived 10 minutes later. Whilst she knew my situation from witnessing the discussion with the police officer she greeted me as Becky and took my hands and gave me a hug. He’s doing fine today and he came round about 2 hours after you left after the anesthetic wore off. He was asking about you and wanted to know you were safe.

‘Great. That’s the bestest news. Can I see him then?’

‘Yes but first we need to sort something out with our records and also for my own peace of mind.’

‘What?’

‘Well first of all you signed him in as Rebecca Cole and then Nick referred to you as Ashton and you told the police officer you were male not female. I felt great sympathy for you because I have a brother who is intersex and he struggled for a few years before he made his choice. Who is Rebecca Cole? Are you Ashton or Becky and Ashton or Becky who?’

‘I’m sorry I was worried when I arrived with the ambulance and since I wasn’t in my male clothes I used my sisters name. I was under pressure and I didn’t think it mattered.’

‘So what about Nick? Does he know you as Becky or are you Ashton?’

‘He knows me as Ashton that is my real name. I should have signed as Ashton Cole. But we have been close friends at school and he treats me differently to other friends. He makes me feel like a girl. I like him a lot.’

‘Hmmm we’d better sort out the paperwork first and set the records straight. What you do with the police is up to you and I suppose you need to be staight with Nick. You don’t exactly look like a boy this morning and you didn’t last night.’

‘That’s why I came dressed as Becky. My mum didn’t know I was like this until last night and she was surprised when she picked me up. After we talked she decided to help me and persuaded me to be myself today and let Nick meet me like this. But only if you agree. I don’t want to risk upsetting him in his condition.’

‘Look Becky you’ve been a brick as far as I’m concerned. Lot’s of people would have run away and left him. You might have even saved his life by your quick action. He owes you big time. It sounds like he cares about you.’

‘Yes I guess I want to know if he can accept me as my real self. I can’t pretend any more. Once mum was OK about it I decided I can face other people and even my dad. I only have one other concern that I’ll have to deal with as well that is probably the most difficult for me.’

‘Sit down a minute and tell me and I’ll help if I can.’

‘Well I’ve been friends with a girl for two years now who only knows me as Becky. We were apart for a while and whilst I was away she was attacked and raped by this animal who stabbed Nick and who had attacked me recently. He was free and Nick wanted to catch him because the police never found him. I’m worried that Millie will be heart broken when I tell her. She had no other friends and even now I don’t think she has anybody close except me.’

‘Oh Becky that’s awful. Doesn’t she get any professional support?’

‘She is a very shy person. We connected so she treats me like a sister that is how all this started. We met whilst I was in my early stages of going out dressed as Becky and we were good for each other. I met her family and a friend of her mother who it turns out was Nicks mum. They only knew me as Becky and one night Nick was supposed to join us at dinner but he was my close friend at school. It was a mess.’

‘My goodness Becky I don’t know what I’d of done in your shoes.’

‘ Well it’s even more complicated. First of all Millie had a crush on Nick after their mothers tried to be matchmakers and then on the night I left the restaurant before Nick arrived I was attacked and I couldn’t tell anybody. I wasn’t badly hurt because I fought him off. I just told Nick about someone who’d attacked and raped Millie and he wanted to catch him and punish him. He had this stupid idea to dress as a girl and walk in the same area Millie was attacked. I’d been attacked in the same place but I couldn’t tell him without admitting I was dressed as Becky at the time.’

‘My God you were getting in so deep weren’t you? The sooner you sort all this out the better. You did your best not to hurt your friends but it’s like you were trying to stop waves.’

‘Thanks for understanding the difficulty. I need to see Nick before I change my mind.’

‘Come on he has been moved I’ll show you where he is. There isn’t anybody occupying the other bed in his room so it should be private. I think I’d better let you go in unannounced.’

I looked through the glass window in the door and saw Nick was laid back watching the news on TV so I pushed the door open and took a deep breath. His head turned. He looked at me and then turned to look back at the TV. I stepped forward and then he sat up and turned ‘ Ash is that you? ‘

I couldn’t speak. I froze.

‘Ash it is you. You look nice. I hoped you’d come. I owe you big time.’

I moved to the end of the bed and he smiled and lifted his hand offering it to me. I took it and for a few moments we stayed like that until he managed to lock fingers and pull me around the side of the bed.

‘Ash I wondered what mum was talking about last night. She said a girl was here who had looked after me. Was it you?’

‘’Yes I had changed to take your place attracting this maniac who stabbed you. I was still dressed when someone told me you’d been stabbed. I had no chance to change back so your mum and Millie’s mum saw me like this. I didn’t mean to mislead anybody, it just happened.’

‘Ash you’ve nothing to be ashamed about. I always felt you were more feminine than masculine and you needed protection from idiots. I almost asked you a few times if you were a girl dressing like a boy. I so wanted to hold you.’

‘You can hold me now if you like.’

‘Yes I’d like. You make a beautiful woman. Do your family know this side of you?’

He pulled me forward to sit on the side of his bed and looked into my eyes. He looked deeply into mine and I felt a shiver down my spine. I leaned forward and we kissed. He winced part way through as he tried to hold me close. I looked over his shoulder and saw a face in the window of the door. It was Millie.

I had to pull away and I mumbled her name but she’d gone. Nick wouldn’t let me get up and held on to my hand.

‘Nick we shouldn’t do this. We can’t.’

‘Too late we did. We almost did it before do you remember.’

‘Of course I do. As if I would forget. You made me shiver all over. It’s not right. We are mates. I’m not really a girl despite these clothes.’

‘Well I met you as a girl a long time ago. I wish I’d had more courage.’

‘Nick please we mustn’t. How are you have the doctors said anything yet. Are you comfortable enough and is the wound clean? Will it heal?’

‘Yes I’m as comfortable and the wound will heal. I’m not sure if I’d want it to heal quickly though if it meant regular visits by you and more chances to touch and kiss. Are you Ash or somebody who just happened along and saved my life?’

‘I was Ash and I still am sometimes but as you can see I introduced you to Becky today. She’s inside me and she wants to come out. My mum wants her to come out.’

‘I’m glad she came out and I don’t want you to leave. I knew I liked you the first time we met.’

I stayed for half an hour and helped Nick with his lunch. Steph popped her head around the door and she had the widest smile on her face when she saw us. I promised to visit again in the evening since Nick wanted me to meet his mum. I told him I would come back if that’ts what he wanted. I didn’t tell him I’d already met his mum. That was going to be another small challenge. Now I had an excuse for visiting the hairdresser.

So what about Millie and my meeting with the police and what about Ash’s bag and wallet Did he need it?

I called Millie whilst waiting for mum and arranged to meet her at 5pm for a heart to heart chat. She was a little off-hand with me but I didn’t tell her I’d seen her through the window. I needed to find out if the police had detained her attacker. She needed good news since I had a lot of explaining to do.

Mum joined me at the salon and helped me to choose a style that was slightly more feminine and easy to manage. The head and shoulder massage was fabulous. We didn’t have time for other treats that mum suggested so we made bookings for the next two days. I was very happy to be fussed and was looking forward to some serious pampering.

The visit to the police station was kept low key and they were more interested in me reporting the attack on me and once complete I attended an identity parade being out of view of the line up. I could have jumped in the air when I recognised him and the police constable told me they’d confirmed he had a badly bruised foot with a nasty cut caused by something shar and pointed. They dealt with the recovery of the bag and my wallet and delivered it home.

My meeting with Millie went quite well. I told her they’d found her attacker and it was the person Nick and I had suspected who was already safely secured with no chance of release before his trial. That lifted her spirit but when I told her she’d helped me to avoid depression and accepted me as Becky I’d gone from strength to strength.

We stayed best friends as two girls and she accepted my relationship with Nick based our long friendship. It took her some time to get over her attack but we helped her through it.

Nicks mum was not as negative as we expected once she got over the initial shock. She had liked me when we met and she knew I made Nick happy. I hadn’t done at that stage of our relationship but I have done many times since.

Rebecca was delighted to have a sister and we meet up regularly and are closer than ever. Dad is my current work in progress. I’ve agreed to go back to Ashton under Lyme and Manchester with him and help him set up a new business using funds he’d built up from his success in the Middle East.

So it has been a long walk in Becky’s shoes that weren’t always comfortable but they lasted the pace very well. I used to be a loner. Now everybody wants to be my friend. I plan to move in with Nick and he wants me to keep walking and to walk me up the aisle. I’ve said yes. How could I refuse? Millie wants to be a bridesmaid and Rebecca wants to be maid of honor. Dad says I’m expensive so he can’t wait to give me away.

Mum just wants to go shopping with Rebecca and I for new shoes.

The End

Sorry it took so long to finish this story. Hope it was OK.