Synopsis
Jake is a thirteen year old boy who looks like a girl, far more so than is normal. He isn't aware that his appearance is anything other than natural though, and has assumed it'll change when he goes through puberty.

He is wrong, and thanks to the help of a girl from his class he is forced explore a side of him he's always hated, and ends up facing some unpleasant truths. Family isn't always to be trusted.
 

 

Eden's Reality is still being worked on, but I've been re-focusing on certain elements of the story and it's going slower than I'd like.

Chapter One: Jake
 
I looked dreamily up at the rows upon rows of small animal figures neatly organised on the black shelf, each one the size of my fist. They were made out of some kind of heavy plastic and were amazingly detailed, from the perfectly painted stripes on the zebras right down to the pebbly scales of the komodo dragons. They were a part of the ‘Pristine’ collection of animal figurines and I’d been collecting them ever since mum had given me one as a present for my fifth birthday, an adorable little platypus figurine. I’d fallen in love with it immediately and had miraculously managed to not break it over the last seven years. It was sitting proudly in the middle of the shelf above my bed, waiting to greet mum if she ever came back home.

She’d…been gone for a while now…

I adjusted my oversized glasses and stood up on my toes so I could look at the back rows of figurines, hoping to see something amazing. The store I was in, Imaginative Dice, didn’t usually have many figures, being a relatively small business that focused more on board games than collectables. I came in here every couple of weeks after school to see if any new figurines were in stock and to my delight today I’d found all of these, sitting along the back shelf between a bunch of trading card boxes.

A few of them were ones I’d never seen before and if I could have bought them all I would have, but I didn’t have nearly enough money for that. They were thirty dollars each and I’d only saved fifty dollars since last month, so I needed to be picky. I didn’t want some lumpy gorilla or creepy cuttlefish. I wanted something really cool, like a great white shark! If I could find one of those then I’d very happy. I’d been hoping to find one for a while now, to put next to my sperm whale, but it was fairly rare. It’d only been released in the awesome ‘Pristine: Dangerous Ocean 2’ expansion and that’d almost been tw-

‘Can I help you with anything?’ a male voice asked from behind me and I almost screamed, having completely forgotten my surroundings.

I spun around to find a tall sales assistant I’d never seen before looking down at me with a loose smile. He was dressed in the store’s black uniform and had short blonde hair that had been slightly styled at the front to stand up. His face was sun-darkened and handsome, with the beginnings of a thick moustache appearing around the corners of his thin lips. He looked like he was in his mid-thirties and a small tag on his shirt said ‘Temp’. I guess that meant he was only working here temporarily? Maybe he was filling in for the usual employee who worked her, a friendly overweight guy with a really infectious smile.

‘Uh-umm…’ I stammered and looked down at the ground, clutching the bottom of my yellow school shirt in my hands. I’d never seen this man working in here before and I wasn’t very good at talking to strangers. Or anyone, really, but strangers especially.

I was tempted to just shake my head and rush off like I normally did in situations like this, but…there could actually be a great white shark figurine back there! And I was too small to be able to see or reach back there, so...so I had to ask this man for help. I needed to be brave!

I forced myself to look up at him and tried to calm myself down. ‘C-could…uh…is there…’

‘Yes?’ he asked impatiently, his eyes flicking past me to look at an elderly couple inspecting a set of tabletop miniatures. ‘Is there a what?’

‘Does you have a shark?’ I winced at how stupid I sounded and spoke again. ‘I mean, do you have a great white s-shark? I need one!’

He looked back at me with raised eyebrows, and then turned to the shelf. ‘You want a shark, huh?’

‘Yes please. I-If you have one.’

‘You sure you don’t want something else?’ he took down a panda figurine and showed it off to me. ‘This one’s our most popular, especially amongst girls. We used to have some flamingos that were popular as well but they sold out in the first week. ’

‘No, I want a shark.’ I shook my head to emphasize my point. I didn’t care about pandas or flamingos! Yuck.

‘Is it a present for your brother or something?’ he asked as he turned back to the shelf and I tilted my head in confusion.

‘No, it’s for me.’ I muttered, scratching at my chest. It’d been painfully itchy for a few months now and lately it’d begun to swell up. Aunt Linda had told me not to worry about it though so I was trying not to, but it was hard when it was so itchy.

‘For you?’ The salesman looked back at me with a smirk. ‘That’s kinda cool. Most of the little girls I’ve seen come in here just ask for My Little Pony stuff or Pokémon cards, crap like that. It’s nice to see a girl with different tastes. Makes me think y’all aren’t little clones of each other or something, you know?’

‘Huh? I like Pokémon…’ I said slowly, not really sure what he’d just meant. Why was he talking about little girls? I thou-

Oh!

Oh. Right.

My heart sunk. He thought I was a girl. Of course he did! This is exactly why I hated talking to strangers so much! They always thought I was a girl and treated me like one without even thinking about it.

I scowled and looked down at myself, still clutching onto the bottom of my shirt. I wasn’t exactly small for my age but I was…petite. Instead of the large chests and broad shoulders that most boys my age were developing I was instead more feminine, with slim shoulders and a slight chest that was complimented by a small waist and wider than normal hips.

My body by itself wasn’t enough to make people think I was a girl though, as more often than not I hid its shape under oversized or baggy clothes. It was my face that was the main problem, and there wasn’t much I could do about it. My complexion was smooth and pale, my blue eyes large and expressive, my nose and chin small and delicate, and my lips soft and full. Not to mention my almost shoulder-length thick black hair that Aunt Linda refused to let me get cut. My appearance was often likened to that of a gothic porcelain doll, and, as much as I hated admitting it, it wasn’t an incorrect comparison. I didn’t look particularly gloomy or threatening, but my dark hair, milky skin and large, expressive eyes definitely made me look like some kind of doll. A somewhat confused, slightly upset little doll with oversized silver-rimmed glasses.

Most people from my school could tell I was a boy because of my uniform, which consisted of a loose yellow shirt and grey slacks, so I didn’t usually have too many moments like this there. Outside of school though, or when I was wearing the sports uniform, I was always mistaken for a girl no matter what I did, or what I wore. I’d always hoped that someone would realise I was a boy though, just once, and treat me like one without me having to correct them.

It’d…never happened.

I watched as the salesman looked through the shelf and scratched at my chest, wondering if I should correct him. Was there any real point to it? I’d probably never see him again and he seemed like he just wanted to deal with me and move on. He’d probably be annoyed if I told him I was a boy and get angry or something. And besides, I was already uncomfortable enough. Even if I wanted to tell him I was a boy I doubted I’d be able to get the words out. Ugh…

My shoulders slumped and I rubbed my cheeks unhappily, the excitement about maybe getting a great white shark figurine starting to fade. This man had popped my little bubble of happiness and now depressing reality was flowing in, making me feel like crap. All I wanted to do now was go home and crawl under my bedsheets, maybe watch some fighting anime or put on some heavy music…anything to distract me from how I looked.

I considered just walking off while the salesman looked for the figurine but I wasn’t comfortable with being that rude so I just waited patiently while he searched. I looked around to see what the elderly couple were doing but they’d left the aisle. It wasn’t deserted though, as a girl from my school had entered and was focused on a large set of old MTG cards. I recognized her from my class although to my annoyance I didn’t quite remember her name. She was tall and had flowing blonde hair that was held in place by a black headband, and I could see two gold studs on her ears. Her face was mature and pretty, with high cheekbones and delicate features similar to my own, but she was wearing make-up that had darkened her lips and eyes.

I stared at her for probably longer than I should have because she turned and noticed me, her eyes widening in recognition. A smile began to light up her face but I spun around and stared down at the floor, my face burning. Argh! Stupid! Stupid. I’d probably made her really uncomfortable and then accidentally offended her by looking away when she smiled. God damn it! I was the worst.

‘Ah! There we are.’ The salesman said, jerking me out of my stupor. He turned from the shelf and showed me the figurine he’d picked out, which…wasn’t a great white.

It was a grey nurse shark, one of the most common shark figurines in the entire collection. How had he gotten that mixed up with a great white? They weren’t even in th-ugh. Whatever. I wasn’t interested in the stupid shark figurine anymore.

‘That’s not a great white, but it’s okay.’ I said and began turning away. ‘I don’t need one anymore.’

I heard the man mutter something under his breath but I deliberately ignored it, knowing he wasn’t going to be pleased after I’d just wasted his time. Well, he shouldn’t have confused me for a girl then!

Or…no. That wasn’t fair. Everyone confused me for a girl, I shouldn’t get angry at him for doing it. I was just so tired of it happening all the time. When I started puberty I assumed that things would change, but until then I just had to tough it out and be patient with people.

I sighed miserably as I left the store and looked around the street. It was just past four so there were quite a few students about, although most of them were gathered around the mall on the other side of the busy street. The mall was massive, a five story tall white monstrosity that dwarfed every other building around it, and it was so full of stores that I hadn’t even seen them all yet despite having explored it quite a few times.

It was flanked on both sides by busy cafes and smaller businesses. The town library was close by as well, although it looked rather small and sad compared to the mall. There were people everywhere, not just students but parents and young adults, all milling about the various cafes or going into the numerous bakeries to get a snack to eat on the way home.

Actually…I should get something to eat well. I hadn’t had anything all day and a vanilla slice would make me feel heaps better. And so would a bottle of coke! Yeah! It’d be okay so long as I didn’t tell Aunt Linda about it. She hated it when I ate unhealthily.

I smiled to myself and stepped into the stream of people flowing up the street, heading towards my favourite bakery. It was near one of the large supermarkets and close by to the street that I lived in so I’d gone there a few times before, enough to feel okay about going in and picking something out.

I positioned myself behind a large man and followed after him through the street, using his size to part the crowd of people for me. I usually…

Usually…

Us…uall…y…

I slowed down and the swayed slightly to the side as a wave of dizziness washed through me. A strange, clawing feeling appeared in my stomach and I almost dropped to my knees, suddenly exhausted and lightheaded. I could feel my heart pounding painfully in my chest and my breathing was coming in ragged and harsh. Oww…

There was an empty bench near me and I quickly staggered over to it, then dropped down and hugged my knees to my chest. I rested my forehead against my legs and began to take slow, deep breaths as the world seemed to pulsate in front of me, going in and out of focus. I closed my eyes and tried my best to clear my head so I could focus on my breathing, and after a minute or so the dizziness faded away and my head began to feel like it normally did. I was still exhausted but I knew my energy would come back soon enough.

I wasn’t sure what had just happened but it wasn’t a new feeling, but not quite an old one either. For the past year or so it’d been happening and I couldn’t figure out why. It seemed to happen randomly, be it while I was getting ready for bed or now, when I was just walking about. It didn’t seem like it was serious though as it always passed really quickly, and it was kind of embarrassing so I’d never told anyone about it. Aunt Linda would probably just say that it was nothing to worry about and I didn’t really have any friends to talk to about it anyway. Plus, I’d been forbidden from seeing the school nurse so that wasn’t even an option. Aunt Linda liked to keep control of my health firmly in her own hands.

Once my energy returned I put my legs back down and got to my feet, eager to get some food inside of me. Maybe that was why I’d been so d-

‘Jake?’
I looked around to see the girl from Imaginative Dice standing next to the bench and looking at me with a satisfied smile. Oh crap! Was she angry at me for ignoring her smile before? She didn’t look angry though…

I stared silently at her for a moment before remembering that she’d said my name.

‘Y-yes! Hi…hi!’ I had been going to say her name but still hadn’t been able to remember it.

‘Yo!’ Her smile widened she smoothed down the sides her grey woollen skirt. ‘I need to talk to you. Let’s go somewhere more private, yeah? How do you feel about pizza?’

 

---

Synopsis
Jake is a thirteen year old boy who looks like a girl, far more so than is normal. He isn't aware that his appearance is anything other than natural though, and has assumed it'll change when he goes through puberty.

He is wrong, and thanks to the help of a girl from his class he is forced explore a side of him he's always hated, and ends up facing some unpleasant truths. Family isn't always to be trusted.

 

 

Chapter 2: Let's dance! Maybe?

‘Y-you what?’ I blinked, not sure I’d heard her right.

‘Pizza! Do you like it?’ she asked and stared intently at me with her opal eyes.

I blushed and quickly took in all her details, wondering if we actually had talked at some point in the past and I just hadn’t remembered. She was over a head taller than me and very slim, but not unhealthily so. Her school uniform looked great, clean and neat, and it perfectly accentuated her body. She’d folded the grey pleated skirt up at the top so it was shorter, well above her knees, and it seemed to highlight just how long her black-stockinged were. She was wearing our school’s black blazer and it looked to be fitted, as it was tight around her shoulders and chest, but flowed out a bit at the sides to show off her hips. Beyond that, she had a small silver chain with an engraved bird around her neck and a plain silver ring on her right hand, as well as the studs I’d noticed before.

She was…beautiful…

I’d definitely never talked to her before.

‘Jake?’ she asked and I jumped slightly, having forgotten that I was supposed to actually be talking to her. Gah!

‘Oh! Y-yeah, I like pizza.’ I rubbed my burning cheeks, hoping I didn’t look as embarrassed as I felt.

She put her hands on her hips and smiled down at me. ‘Well then, would you like to have some pizza with me and talk about some things?’

‘W-well, yes, but I was go-’

‘Perfect!’ She grinned and twirled around to face the buildings lining the street, her hair swinging around and almost smacking me in the face. ‘There’s a place just around the corner from here that I really like! Come on.’

‘Uh! W-wait!’ I stammered as she began to walk off, and to my relief she stopped and turned back to look at me, her head tilted curiously.

‘Hmm?’

‘What do you want to talk about?’

‘Oh, you know. Stuff.’ she said lightly, stepping out of the way of a tired-looking woman pushing a pram with a gurgling baby inside. ‘This isn’t really the best place to talk though so…’

‘What kind of stuff?’ I asked warily but she shook her head.

‘Nothing serious, don’t worry. I just…need your help with something.’ she smiled crookedly and smoothed the sides of her skirt.

I blinked, not sure I’d heard her correctly. ‘You need m-my help? Wit-’

‘I’ll explain later!’ She turned around and started walking off again. ‘Come one, I’m starving.’

‘I….can we just…’ I began but she kept walking so I trailed off, and after a moment’s hesitation decided to follow her, my curiosity getting the better of me.

What could she possibly want my help with? A school project? No, we didn’t have any due at the moment and even if we did she was much better off asking someone else. My grades weren’t bad but they weren’t good either, middling around a B-minus most of the time. And I couldn’t imagine she’d need my help with something physical because I was close to the weakest person in our class, something that was painfully highlighted during every sports period.

The only thing I was really good at was knowing a lot about animals, but I couldn’t imagine how that’d be helpful to her. And I’d be surprised that she even knew that about me considering how little contact I had with the rest of my classmates.

I slowed down and tried to remember as much about her as I could, hoping I could get a clue as to what she wanted. She usually sat at the front of class by herself and didn’t talk much unless she was directly asked a question. I think she was kind of like me, someone who kept to themselves and didn’t really have any friends. I’d never seen her sit with any of the other students, and at lunch I think she just hung out in the library. I’d seen her in there a few times, going through the magazine rack and photocopying stuff. I’d never looked closely enough to see what she what magazines she read though, and w-oh!

Lilah! That was her name! She was always the last to be called when our home room teacher took attendance, because her surname was…Yates. Lilah Yates! I actually remembered it! Hah!

It didn’t help me figure out what she wanted, but it made me feel a lot better. I’d felt pretty bad about not knowing her name when she knew mine, especially when we’d been in the same class for two years. I really needed to start paying more attention to what went on around me…
I realised I’d been trailing too far behind her and quickened my pace, worried that I might lose her in the crowd. Thankfully she’d stopped at the end of the street for me, and after ducking between two older students from our school I finally reached her. She smiled and then turned around to point up the next street.

‘That’s it! Hearth’s Pizzeria. Pretty cool, huh?’

I followed her finger and saw that the pizzeria was a large two-storey establishment made out of shiny black metal, and it had a large glass sliding door at the front that a family was currently exiting. The logo “Hearth Family Pizzeria” was proudly displayed above the door in large red lettering with silver lining, and a sizable parking lot was set out the front. A neat row of bushes grew around the area and hugged the sides of the building, and a small wine garden was visible just down the right side.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten in a restaurant and anxiety began to gnaw at me, so I stuck close to Lilah as she crossed the road and passed through the parking lot. As we got closer the delicious scent of cheese mixed with baked dough and tomatoes wafted out to greet us, and my stomach let out a desperate growl. God, I was so hungry…

We waited outside the door as another family left, this one with two excited toddles running around and laughing at each other, and then we entered. A black reception area greeted us and a solitary young waiter was standing behind a small desk, dressed in a neat blue shirt and black pants. A large opening next to him showed the interior of the restaurant and it was amazing, full of thick, large wooden tables neatly arranged in tight rows across the black floor. Along the sides and back were smaller tables with walls separating them from each other, and the kitchen was on full display to the right. Nearly half of the tables were occupied and wait staff were rushing around taking orders and delivering delicious-looking meals.

The air was thick with the warm scent of pizza and I could smell lasagne too, making my stomach let out another desperate growl. When had been the last time I’d eaten? Yesterday? No, Aunt Linda had banned me from eating yesterday as a punishment for forgetting to take my medication the day before. That’d been Thursday, and on Wednesday I hadn’t eaten anything because I wasn’t feeling too well for some reason, which is why I’d forgotten to take my meds, and on Tuesday I’d been punished with no food because I’d refused to wear the new pyjamas Aunt Linda had bought for me.

…wow. I hadn’t realised it’d been so long. I was used to not eating for long periods of time, so much so that I barely even noticed it anymore. But here, basking in the multitude of different delicious scents, I noticed it. Intensely so.

‘Hello!’ the waiter at the reception area said as we approached and his pale eyes focused on Lilah. ‘How can I help you today?'

‘Can we get a table for two? In one of the booths at the back?’ she asked and he nodded.

‘Yes. Follow me please.’

He headed out into the dining area and we followed, Lilah smiling brightly at me as we did so. I smiled awkwardly back and scratched my chest, still feeling out of place and uncomfortable. My hunger was taking up most of my mental space though and I looked around at other people’s meals eagerly, wondering what I should get. I had fifty dollars to spend since I didn’t manage to get a new figurine, more than enough for me to be able to buy something delicious to eat. Maybe I’d get a large pizza. A Hawaiian one. No! A Meatlovers WITH pineapple! That was like an enhanced Hawaiian pizza! Yeah-wait! What about a lasagne? They looked super yummy, dripping with cheese an-ah! I should get extra cheese on my pizza! Could I get a pizza and a lasagne too? Could you get a lasagne with extra cheese? Maybe I could get spaghetti-

‘Here we are.’ The waiter said, dragging me out of my food fantasies. He’d stopped in front of one of the boots along the back wall, and there weren’t many other customers near here so it was much quieter.

Lilah slipped onto one of the red cushioned bench-seats and I sat opposite her. I looked down at the wooden table and saw that it had few cuts and scratches on it but was very clean besides that, so much so that it was almost shining. The booth’s walls were jet black like the back wall, and I felt quite secure and comfortable in here. I looked at Lilah and she smiled brightly again, then looked at the waiter as he was taking out his order pad.

‘Can we get two large cokes please?’ she asked and he nodded, scribbling it down. ‘And a large margherita as well? Is that all okay with you Jake?’

‘Um, well I wa-’

‘Thankyou!’ Lilah beamed to the waiter and he nodded, then headed towards the kitchen.

I stared glumly after him and then down at my lap. I…I guess a margherita was okay…I didn’t really need a Meatlovers with pineapple anyway…

‘So…’ Lilah said slowly and I looked up at her. ‘You totally snubbed me in Imaginative Dice before, you know.’

‘Ah!’ I turned bright red and looked down at my lap again. ‘I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to, I just…I’m not…not good at…people stuff.’

‘Talking to people? Yeah, I noticed.’ She leant forward with a grin, brushing her hair behind her ears. ‘So I won’t drag this out any more than I have to then. I need your help.’

‘With what?’ I asked when she didn’t elaborate, and she took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

‘Okay! So…I was going to enter this competition with a…friend…but we…she…well, we were having some problems so…’ She trailed off and for a moment anger flashed across her face, but then she sighed and looked back at me with a wry smile. ‘Sorry. I’m…annoyed. Ah… but, basically, I was going to enter a competition with my girlfriend but she dumped me so I need you to do it with me in her place. Okay?’

‘I…’ I stared at her dumbly, too many questions bubbling up in my mind. She was a lesbian? I guess that explained why she was always by herself at school. My classmates weren’t very…friendly…to LGBT people. I was bullied weekly because of my appearance and I wasn’t even gay. I couldn’t imagine how bad it must be for someone who actually was…

It didn’t seem like a good idea to ask her about that though, or why she’d been dumped. This was the first time we’d ever talked after all, so asking something that personal didn’t feel right.

‘Umm…what competition?’ I asked instead, scratching at my chest.

‘This one.’ She slowly pulled out a folded piece of paper from her skirt and carefully opened it, then slid it over to me. ‘I’ve seen you in the library heaps of times so you might have seen it before, but if not then…yeah.’

I looked down at the sheet and saw that it was indeed a poster advertising a competition, but I’d never seen it before. It was very professional, with a black backing, silver border and an artistic headline that immediately grabbed my attention.

It read:
"
Models, musicians, artists and dancers wanted!

Submissions are now open for the third annual TRASK Gay and Lesbian Drama and Art Festival!
Are you a gay or lesbian student (or trans? All LGBTIQ individuals welcome!) aged thirteen to eighteen? Do you have a talent for the visual or performing arts? Are you in a relationship with someone of the same sex? Can you sing or play an instrument?
Do you want to have the chance to win up to six thousand dollars?
If so then we want YOU! Due the overwhelming success of our first two events we’re taking things to the next level, and have hired the entirety of the Dermain town hall for three whole days to fit in the hundreds of people w-

"

‘I need you to enter the Dance and Modelling competitions with me.’ Lilah said before I could finish, her eyes shining with excitement. ‘You have to have a partner to take part in them and because I’m…single now…I thought you could do them with me.’

I looked at her for a moment and then pushed the poster over to her, trying not to get annoyed. I was so sick of people thinking that I was gay. ‘I-I’m sorry, but…I’m not g-’

‘I know! And it wouldn’t matter if you were, cos the partners have to be same-sex!’ Lilah beamed.
‘Ohh.’ I blinked. ‘Wait, what?’

‘Uhm!’ she grinned widely and scratched the back of her head. ‘I need you to be my partner. My…lesbian partner.’

I tilted my head, starting to get angry. ‘What.’

‘Aha.’ She laughed uncomfortably and looked down at the table. ‘Well, you see…I don’t get along with any of the girls in our year level, and outside of school I don’t really have any friends. The few that I do are pissed at me because…well, because of stuff that’s not important. So, you’re the only person wh-’

‘I’m a boy.’ I said flatly.

‘I know.’ She said quickly. ‘But, you look like a girl so…’

She trailed off as I glared at her. ‘I don’t like looking like a girl, and you’ve been in the same class as me long enough to know that! You’ve seen how upset I get when people like Jared and Warwick tease me!’

‘I know! I know!’ she said and held up her hands. ‘But I’m not trying to make fun of you! I just need your help! If there was anyone else to ask I would, but there’s not. Please do this with me!’

I crossed my arms, my breathing heavier than normal. Was she serious?! I wasn’t going to embarrass myself in front of hundreds of people! There was no way I could enter a competition as a girl, I’d be found out immediately! I might look like a girl but I didn’t know how to act like one, and besides…compared to Lilah I wasn’t all that attractive, especially with my glasses. I definitely wouldn’t win any modelling competitions, or dancing ones. I had no idea how to dance and even if I did I was about as elegant as a platypus on ice.

That was beside the point though! There was no way I was going to enter the competition, even if I could win. I’d be bullied for the rest of my school life and mum would…

She’d…I don’t know. She used to model a bit, but when she’d moved to America she said she was going to focus more on waitressing and model on the side. I had no idea what she was doing now though, as we hadn’t really talked in years. She’d emailed me last year wishing me a happy birthday, a few weeks after my birthday, and that had been the last I’d heard from her. I’d sent her a few emails but she never replied, and when I tried to call her I always got her voice message.

I…don’t think she cared about me anymore, so I doubt she’d care if I entered a modelling competition, even as a girl.

If she did care then she’d have come back home six years ago like she’d promised instead of moving permanently to America! Sh-

No, I didn’t want to think about that! I loved mum, and she…probably liked me. She was just busy, and she’d come home one day. It was okay! I shouldn’t bother her while she was….doing whatever it was she was doing.

And I don’t even want to think about what Aunt Linda would say. She’d be so…frustratingly happy…

‘No.’ I said finally, feeling utterly miserable.

Lilah began to protest but the waiter came back holding two large glasses of coke. He put them down between us and smiled hesitantly before quickly leaving, seeming to sense the mood. My stomach ached for the taste of the coke and I gave it what it wanted, but all it did was make me even hungrier.

‘Jake.’ Lilah said desperately after taking a sip from her own coke. ‘There will hardly be anyone from our school at the event, and one of my friends is going to handle all of the clothes and make-up for us. She’s really good! The few people from our school who’ll be there probably won’t even recognize you.’

‘No.’ I repeated and she gritted her teeth.

‘What about the prize money then? If we come first in the dancing competition we’ll get a thousand each, and two thousand each for the modelling one! And it’s like five hundred for second place and two hundred for third, something like that.’

I twitched at that. I could get a LOT of animal figurines with that kind of money…

But at the cost of my dignity.

‘No.’

‘What! Come on! Why not?’

‘Because I’m a boy!’ I scowled at her. ‘I can’t win a girls modelling completion! Are you insane? I look horrible!’

Lilah’s eyes widened. ‘No you don’t! If you put on some make-up, removed your glasses and got your hair done you’d look amazing! Here!’
She reached out to grab my glasses but I slapped her hands away. ‘Stop it! It wouldn’t matter how good I looked, I’m not going to be a model like mum! I’m a b-’

‘What was that?’ Lilah asked sharply, her eyes widening. ‘Your mum’s a model?’

‘Y-yeah, she is, but I don’t want to talk about it. It’s not important.’

‘Holy shit!’ Lilah’s whole face lit up and she grabbed a small diary from her inside blazer pocket, then flicked through it. ‘This is your mum, isn’t it! Oh my god! Your mum’s Elaine Reitz!’

She put the diary down between us and my heart jolted painfully as I saw a picture of mum, neatly cut out from a magazine, smiling up at me from the diary page. She was wearing a beautiful black dress and was standing in front of a red silk background, her hands on her hips and looking amazing. Mum and I slightly resembled each other, but her complexion was less pale and she was far more beautiful than I’d ever be. Because she was actually a girl whereas I was…me.

‘Where did you get this?’ I asked softly, taking the diary staring at the picture. I’d never seen this before! It looked so professional and important! Where was she? I thought she was only doing modelling on the side! When had this picture been taken then?

‘I cut it out of an old magazine at school.’ Lilah said, reaching over to flip the diary to a different page, where another picture of mum was. Two pictures actually, one on each page. These were photocopied in full colour, but looked a bit dull compared to the other ones.

‘W-what?’ I stammered, feeling dizzy as I stared at mum waving at me from a beach in a sheer red bikini. I didn’t even have a photo of mum at home, but Lilah had three!? What the hell. ‘I don’t understand…’

‘You didn’t know?’ Lilah asked in surprise. ‘She lives in America, right? I guess you don’t talk to her very often?’

‘No…’ I muttered, flicking to another page to find another picture of mum. And another. And another! ‘Why do you have so many picture of mum?’

‘Because she’s my idol!’ Lilah exclaimed, practically shaking with excitement. ‘Look how beautiful she is! I’ve never, ever seen someone as amazing as her before! Her body is perfect, and she’s never had surgery! She’s completely natural! And her face! Oh my god Jake! I can’t believe I didn’t realise you were her son sooner! The whole reason I asked you to be my partner is because you look like her! I should have known you were her kid, but it’s those stupid glasses of yours! They make you look all weird and geeky.’

I ignored the insult to my glasses and flicked through the diary even more. ‘How long has she been modelling for?’

‘Six years.’ Lilah said proudly. ‘She got her first break when she sent in a bunch of shots to the…’

I drowned her out as that sunk in. Six years…mum had been modelling for six years, having all these amazing photos taken and not once did she mention it to me. Why not? Did she just think I wouldn’t care? Or was she the one who didn’t care, didn’t think it was worth mentioning to me? Why…

Oh my god.

Mum might actually be interested in me modelling. If I told her that I was entering a modelling competition then would she talk to me? Would she be excited about it? Would she…

Would she come to the festival?

‘Is mum still modelling?’ I asked, interrupting Lilah.

‘Yes! Look at this picture!’ she opened a page of the dairy at the back and showed me a picture of mum. She was dressed in some…uh…very attractive pieces of lingerie with some stockings and was lying on a bed underneath the words “Essence of Purity”. ‘That was taken three months ago and it’s in heaps of magazines, and I’ve even seen it online! She’s the face of Essence of Purity, ever since she modeled for them last year. They’re this really fancy clothes store that h-’

‘I don’t know much about modelling.’ I said, once again cutting off Lilah. ‘What kind of stuff would I have to do for the competition? Do we get photos done beforehand and they’re shown off during the event? Or…what? And what about dancing? I can’t dance, but I can learn.’

Lilah’s eyes lit up.

I listened intently as she explained the modelling competition to me, her whole body animated with excitement. It was officially known as “Romance in Youth” and was fairly simple. Each pair of contestants needed to submit five professionally shot photographs of themselves, four themed and one in their school uniforms. These would then be displayed in a large hall at the festival and visitors would vote on which ones they thought were the best, and on the final day the winners would be revealed. A professional photographer was available free of charge for contestants to use, but Lilah had a friend who was going to take our photos for us over the next couple of weeks.

She was less enthusiastic about the dance competition though, as now that she’d broken up with her ex she was thinking of ditching it entirely. That was completely fine with me as I was only interested in the modelling competition. The idea of dancing as a girl in front of hundreds of people made me feel ill and I wasn’t sure that I could even actually do it. Standing in front of a camera and having my picture taken sounded far more my style.

The festival as a whole seemed to be far more lavish and elaborate than I’d have expected, especially with the prize money for the competitions being as high as they were. It was going to be held near the heart of the city in a gigantic town hall that was usual reserved for religious celebrations, public holiday events and cultural festivals. All senior schools in the region were able to attend, but only LGBT students were allowed to enter the competitions. This was apparently because the man who created it, Trask, wanted to celebrate LGBT students and give them a place where they could show off their work and not have to worry about being discriminated against.

‘He created it after a gay couple’s media teacher banned them from making a movie about their relationship, and the school sided with the teacher.’ Lilah explained to me as I nibbled at the surprisingly tasty margherita pizza. ‘And then there was this other incident about a trans girl who wasn’t allowed to join her school’s ballerina class because they didn’t accept her as a girl, that really pissed him off. Then there was this…well…you get the point.’ She finished with a grimace, rubbing her cheeks. ‘Some schools suck and Trask made the festival to give the students a chance to show off what their schools wouldn’t let them.’

‘Fair enough.’ I shifted guiltily on the seat and put down my pizza slice. ‘Is it really okay for me to be entering these competitions then? I’m no-’

‘Oh, don’t worry about that. You’re helping me and I’m a lesbian so it’s all good.’ Lilah said dismissively. ‘Anyway, I wanted to ask, who do you live with now? Your dad? Your grandparents?’

‘No, I stay with my aunt at her place. Or, well, she’s not really my aunt, she’s just mum’s best friend, but I’ve always called her Aunt Linda. Why?’

Lilah looked at me hopefully. ‘Do you see your mum at all then? Like, if you’re living with her best friend then maybe she comes and visits sometimes? Or you go and visit her?’

‘Oh. No, I haven’t even seen her since I was six.’ I said, my voice tightening. ‘Aunt Linda and I saw her off at the airport and I never saw her again. We used to talk through emails and she called sometimes but now…not so much.’

‘Aww crap. I thought so.’ Lilah said miserably, slumping down onto the table. ‘She’d never once mentioned having a son in all of her interviews, and I know she’s not married so I’d assumed she’d cut you out of her life. That sucks! It’d have been so cool if I was able to meet her through you. ’

I sunk in on myself. ‘W-well, she might come to the festival to see my photos, when I tell her about them. That’s the only reason why I’m entering, honestly. To try and get her attention.’

‘Ohh! So that’s why you suddenly changed your mind about entering! I wondered.’ She grinned up at me from the table. ‘I’d just assumed that when you saw how hot she was you got jealous and wanted to look like her too.’

‘What! No.’ I flushed bright red, knowing that she was teasing me but still getting flustered. ‘And even if that was true it wouldn’t matter. I’ll never look like her.’

‘Would you want to? If you could?’ Lilah asked and tapped her little notebook full of pictures of mum, which was next to her glass of coke. ‘Like I said before, if you got rid of your glasses and took care of your hair then I think you’d almost look like a younger version of her.’

‘Really?’ For some reason a strange, cold feeling ran through my stomach.

‘Yeah!’ Lilah said excitedly and opened the notebook again, flicking through it and holding up a picture I hadn’t seen before, of mum dressed in a business suit with her hair tied back in a loose ponytail. ‘Look at her face here. You’ve both got really petite facial features and high cheekbones. And your eyes are just like hers! They’re lush and dark and big and doll-like! It’s so fucking hot! And her boobs! If you ke-’ She stopped herself with a start and turned bright red. ‘Uh…I…well, you look like her already, is the p-point of what I’m saying.’

‘Yeah. I guess I do.’ I said uncomfortably, avoiding her gaze. I’d never once thought about mums boobs before and didn’t want to start now.

‘You’re like her little sister or something.’ Lilah said quietly and I felt her eyes running over me. ‘I can’t wait to see you dressed up tomorrow. We-’

‘What? Tomorrow?’ I gasped and she nodded.

‘Yeah. I already paid my friend for our shots, back when Rebecca and I were dating.’ Her expression darkened again and she began tearing apart a half-eaten slice of pizza. ‘She’s rented out that photography studio behind the mall for us, and she’s paid the deposit so we can’t change it.’

‘Studio?’ I’d assumed we’d be getting our photos done at Lilah’s place, or her friends.

‘Yeah. I don’t remember what it’s called, but it’s this huge place with a ton of different sets that you can hire, and they have professional lighting and stuff. I don’t know much about photography but it’s supposed to be awesome.’ Lilah frowned at me. ‘You’re not busy tomorrow, are you? Because this is really important!’

‘I’m free, but…’ I frowned and trailed off. Aunt Linda didn’t like me leaving the house during non-school hours without her, especially on such short notice. And she’d been pretty mad at me lately for forgetting my medication and not wearing those stupid pyjamas she’d bought me. I was going to have to put her in a good mood, and that was going to be…complicated.

Urgh. My life had become so messy in the last couple of hours.

‘But what?’ Lilah asked but I shook my head.

‘It’ll be fine. What time is the…the photo-taking?’

‘The shoot.’ Lilah corrected me with an amused grin. ‘I was thinking we could meet in front of the library at quarter to twelve, so I can walk with you to the studio so you don’t get lost.’

‘Oh!’ I perked up at that. I could use the library computers to email mum and let her know about the modelling competition! I’d been thinking I could try and call her but I hadn’t had much hope of her answering, and I didn’t think I was capable of leaving a very coherent voice message. Emailing her would be much easier! ‘Okay. I can do that.’

Lilah nodded and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. ‘Good! Then, I think that’s everything for the moment. Do you have any questions?’

I thought about that for a second. ‘Do I need to do anything to prepare for tomorrow?’

‘Yes! Wash your hair.’ She said eagerly. ‘And don’t wear your glasses! They’re horrible. Do you have contacts?’

‘I do, but I’d ra-’

‘Good. Wear them.’ Lilah nodded to herself. ‘And don’t worry about clothing, I’ve got something in mind that’ll look great on you. We’re going to do the formal theme tomorrow and I have a ton of good dresses.’

‘Formal theme? What does that mean? Like suits and stuff?’

‘Yeah, like, gowns, evening and designer dresses, that kind of stuff.’ Lilah said, her eyes shining excitedly.

‘I have to wear a gown?’ I asked as my stomach jolted. I knew I’d be wearing girl’s clothes, but I didn’t think I’d have to wear ones so fancy.

‘Of course! A suit would be wasted on someone as cute as you.’ Lilah softened her voice and looked at me for a moment before continuing. ‘I’ve got the perfect dress for you, Jake. You’re going to be beautiful tomorrow.’

I squirmed about on my seat and rubbed my burning cheeks, my heart beating faster than normal. I couldn’t explain why but hearing her say that I was going to be beautiful tomorrow made me feel really weird, and not in a bad way.

‘Do you have any other questions?’ Lilah asked and I shook my head, not wanting to look at her in case she could see how hot my face was. ‘Okay! We should get going then before it gets dark. I’ll pay for the meal so don’t worry.’

‘Oh! I can pay too!’

‘No! You were my guest today so I’ll pay.’ she said firmly. ‘And besides, I ate most of the pizza anyway. You barely ate anything.’

‘Ah…yeah.’ I grimaced. I’d only managed to eat one and a half slices of pizza before getting full, something that always seemed to happen. When I was hungry I became ravenous and wanted to eat gigantic serves of food, but when I actually started eating I got full almost immediately. I hadn’t even finished my glass of coke, only drinking about three quarters of it.

I followed Lilah through the increasingly busy restaurant and watched as she paid for our meal, noticing that she had a lot of fifty dollar notes in her grey purse. I’d kind of suspected that she was well off but it was still a surprise to see her holding that much money. Aunt Linda gave me twenty-five dollars a week and I was well aware that I was lucky to get even that, as some kids didn’t get an allowance at all.

I was tempted to ask Lilah about her money but that seemed wildly inappropriate given that today was the first time that we’d ever actually talked, so I kept my mouth shut and followed outside through the sliding glass doors. A cold gust of wind greeted us and I quickly rubbed my arms, wishing that I’d worn a long-sleeved singlet under my school shirt.

‘Right.’ Lilah said as the doors closed behind us, pulling a phone from her skirt. ‘Do you need a lift home or anything? I’m going to call my sister and get her to pick me up.’

‘No, I’m okay. It’s only a fifteen minute walk home from here.’

She nodded and then to my surprise she leant down and hugged me, resting her head next to mine and squeezing my shoulders. ‘Thankyou so much for agreeing to this Jake. You’re helping me out more than you know.’

‘T-that’s yes! Okay! T-thanks!’ I stammered and awkwardly grabbed her arms, my brain freaking out. I’d never been hugged by anyone other than mum or Aunt Linda before! Agh!

Lilah was so soft…

I was intensely aware of her cheek squashing against me, of her silky hair brushing against my forehead and her arms around my shoulders. She smelt like flowers, like a garden that was in full bloom, but sharper. Nicer.

My entire body was entranced by her, by the soft warmth coming off of her body, and I wondered what I felt like to her. Was I soft and warm too? And what did I smell like? I had no idea. Maybe I should start wearing some kind of deodorant? I’d never thought about it before but she smelt so nice that I wanted to smell like that too. Like a garden, or a ros-

Wait! No! That wasn’t manly. I needed to smell like a…a…car? Or a gun? Is that what men smelt like? Is it weird that I didn’t know? There weren’t many men in my life, now that I thought about it. I’d never met my dad due to him serving out a life sentence in prison and Aunt Linda didn’t have male friends. I didn’t have any friends at school, male or female, and I’d never grown close to any of the teachers.

I needed to make friends with a man. And then sniff him!

Actually, that sounded kinda creepy…maybe I wouldn’t do that…

Lilah broke off the hug and I blinked up at her, having gotten completely lost in my weird thoughts about man scents.

‘I think I like you, Jake. I’m looking forward to tomorrow.’ she said softly and rubbed my head, sending small sparks of warmth down my back. My head was ridiculously sensitive and I let out a reflective giggle, my face burning. ‘Ooh! You like that, huh?’

‘N-no!’ I stepped away from her and rubbed the spot that she’d been patting.

‘Liar.’ She smiled crookedly and brushed her hair behind her ears, but thankfully didn’t try to touch me again. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Don’t be late!’

‘I won’t!’ I nodded confidentially. ‘Goodbye!’

‘Bye!’

We waved at each other and then I left the parking lot, my head a mess of confusing emotions.

She was a lesbian, so I doubted that when she said she liked me she meant it in that kind of way, but…I looked like a girl so maybe?

Was that a good thing? Did I want her to like me? I think I liked her. Or, her appearance at least. I wasn’t really sure about her personality yet. She seemed nice, but she’d only talked to me because she needed help. I can’t imagine she’d have any reason to talk to me if she and her girlfriend hadn’t broken up, and if she never realised I was mum’s child.

Still…

I kind of hoped she hug me again tomorrow.

 

 
Synopsis
Jake is a thirteen year old boy who looks like a girl, far more so than is normal. He isn't aware that his appearance is anything other than natural though, and has assumed it'll change when he goes through puberty.

He is wrong, and thanks to the help of a girl from his class he is forced explore a side of him he's always hated, and ends up facing some unpleasant truths. Family isn't always to be trusted.

 

 

Chapter 3: Aunt Linda

The day was just starting to darken by the time I reached the apartment complex that Aunt Linda lived in. It was a huge fifteen-storey tall black building with small veranda’s sticking out on all sides, and was nestled between another, smaller apartment complex and an office building. The whole area was blocked off from the public by a large metal fence that had hedges growing behind it, but the main gates were left open most of the time. There was a spacious garden at the front with a few benches lining the brick path leading to the door, and small trees were littered about in the springy grass. I never spent much time out here as there were always one or two other residents about, reading on one of the benches or smoking. Today there were three, a young couple sitting close to each other underneath one of the small trees and an elderly man watching them from next to the entrance door. He nodded at me as I passed and I nodded back but didn’t say anything. Everyone tended to keep to themselves around here, which is probably why Aunt Linda had chosen the area to live in.

I fished my keys out of my pants and brushed my card against the reader, which beeped happily and unlocked the glass door leading into the building. I pushed the door open, grunting with the effort it required, and then entered the huge black entrance hallway. Two elevators greeted me, with stairs winding around them on either side. I could smell the sharp scent of cleaning chemicals and sniffed unhappily, then hurried to the nearest elevator and pushed the sixth floor button. Thankfully I didn’t have to wait long as it was already descending, and when it reached me its silver doors opened to reveal a harassed-looking Muslim woman. She smiled briefly at me as she passed and I got into the elevator, wondering why she looked so unhappy. I’d seen her a few times before and while she always had a smile for me she constantly seemed tired and frustrated. I wished I could have helped her somehow but…

‘It’s none of my business.’ I muttered to myself as I rubbed my chest, echoing what Aunt Linda had told me many times in the past.

I avoided looking at my reflection in the large mirror set into the back of the elevator and went up to the sixth floor, where I was greeted by the familiar brown hallway that always smelt of dried lavenders. The walls of the building were thick enough that the hallway was almost completely silent, although I did hear the soft thrum of music coming from a room across from the elevator. Aunt Linda’s apartment was at the very end of the hall and I pulled out my keys as I approached, hoping that she wasn’t home. I really needed some time to myself after everything that had just happened but sometimes she came home early on Fridays and if she had then she’d probably want help preparing dinner.

I took a deep breath, unlocked the door and walked into the apartment. It was decently sized, with a large living room at the back and a dining room and kitchen opposite each other in the front. Upstairs was the master bedroom where Aunt Linda slept, as well as the spacious bathroom and small office. And underneath that, through a door in the living room, was my pleasantly snug little room. The walls were cream-white and spotless, with only one painting hanging above the leather couch in the living room. It was of a mother platypus resting alongside a log next to a billabong, with three baby ones nestled against its stomach. I think I’d spent more time looking at that than I had at the large TV sitting across from it. Aunt Linda had randomly bought it for me a few years ago and it was one of the best presents I’d ever gotten.

I didn’t see any sign of Aunt Linda and let out a happy breath, closing the door behind me and heading straight for my room. I wasn’t tired enough to fall asleep but I seriously needed to lie down for a good hour or so and go over everything that Li-

‘Jake?’ Aunt Linda’s voice came from upstairs and I heard the floorboards creak as she began descending the stairs.

…

Well, crap.

I stopped in front of my bedroom and watched as Aunt Linda came down into the living room, dressed in black track-pants and a pink tank top. She was a tall woman with a lean, strong body and a very attractive face. Her hazel hair was usually tied back in a loose ponytail and a stylishly messy fringe ended just above her perfectly plucked eyebrows, while two long bangs fell down on either side of her face. She was in her early thirties but didn’t look it, probably owing to the fact that she ate healthily and saw a personal trainer three times a week.

‘You’re home late.’ she said quietly, stopping to look at me from the bottom of the stairs. ‘Is everything okay?’

‘Mm!’ I gave her my best smile, hoping I looked relaxed and happy. ‘I just stayed late at school doing some homework.’

‘That’s good.’ She tapped her pink manicured nails on the wooden railing of the staircase. ‘Now, I want you to take a shower and clean yourself up, then come to my room. We need to have a little chat about some things.’

Oh god. ‘A chat? About what?’

‘You’re not in trouble, don’t worry.’ she said and held up the hand she’d tapped against the railing, frowning slightly at her nails. ‘Don’t take too long in the shower. I want us to start preparing dinner soon.’

‘Okay! I’ll be quick.’

She nodded and then disappeared back upstairs, her feet barely making a sound on the soft carpet. I let out heavy breath and ran my hands through my hair, once again feeling anxious and uncomfortable. So much for relaxing in bed and putting my thoughts together…

I had no idea what Aunt Linda wanted to talk about but I couldn’t imagine it’d be anything good, especially after I’d been punished so many times over the past few weeks. This week hadn’t been good but last week had been even worse, with me forgetting to take my medication three times in a row and Aunt Linda and I getting into a huge fight over my hair. If it was shorter then it’d be so much easier for people to identify me as a boy, and it’d been almost two years since she’d last let me get it cut. I’d politely asked her if I could go to a hairdresser and the conversation had plummeted downhill from there. Mainly because I’d lost my patience and tried to cut my hair myself with a pair of scissors, causing her to freak out and slap me in the face in order to make me stop. And then when I hadn’t stopped she’d…

She’d…

A chill went down my spine and I decided that it was probably for the best if I took a shower now instead of resting in my room for a bit. I didn’t want to make Aunt Linda mad.

I slipped off my shoes, put them underneath my chair at the dining table and then hurried up the staircase. Aunt Linda’s room was right across from the landing and she’d left her door open, and she was sitting on her bed with her laptop resting on her crossed legs. She looked up and smiled briefly at me as I passed and I nervously smiled back, and then went into the bathroom.

Besides my bedroom, this was my favourite place in the apartment. Its floor and walls were made out of a smooth black marble and one of the side walls was covered entirely in a mirror, with a grey bench running underneath it. There was a shower in the corner and a large grey bathtub along the wall next to it. It was…comforting somehow, like a little platypus burrow.

I slowly took off my clothes and looked longingly at the bathtub. I couldn’t imagine anything more relaxing than filling it up with almost-burning hot water and soaking in it for a while, maybe with some soft music playing as well. But there was definitely no time for that so I finished undressing and quickly got into the shower, turned the heat up as high as I could bare and began washing myself all over.

After a minute of quickly scrubbing myself down I did feel a little more relaxed than before, especially because my chest had finally stopped itching. I think that was more because I wasn’t wearing a shirt as opposed it having just been washed though, as the two lumps were horribly sensitive and every shirt I owned seemed to irritate them.

They kind of…looked like little breasts. And I think that they were bigger than they had been last week too, more rounded and firmer. Ugh…what kind of stupid chest infection was this anyway? Aunt Linda had said it’d go away eventually but it’d been six months now and the lumps hadn’t show any signs of shrinking. With how curved and feminine my body was the last thing I needed were lumps that looked like boobs. Why was my body so messed up?

A cold shiver of dread ran through me as I wondered that. It really did seem like I was turning into a girl, like I was going through female puberty. Aunt Linda constantly told me that it was nothing to worry about, that this happened sometimes to boys my age and so long as I took the medication she got from her doctor then my body would eventually sort itself out but…after almost two years things had just gotten worse. When I looked down I just saw a girl’s body. A small chest, small breasts, slim waist, wide hips and smooth thighs. Even my genitals were small and barely noticeable.

A part of me wished that I could see a doctor, but I was so ashamed of having to show my body to someone besides Aunt Linda that I was glad she never took me to see one. I just had to stay hopeful and positive! In a few months, or maybe even in a year or so, my body would fix itself with help of the medication. It’d remember that it was male and I’d finally start turning into a man. My chest would broaden, my waist would catch up to my hips and my shoulders would become wider than all of them. I’d be carrot-shaped instead of hour-glass shaped!

Which…kind of made me feel a bit sad, because it wasn’t like I hated how my body was now. If I was actually a girl then I’d probably be really happy, but I was a boy and this was just…wrong. I shouldn’t look like this!

If I looked like a normal boy instead of a girl then I wouldn’t be made fun of all the time at school. Instead of being called a tranny or a fag by the boys we’d probably be friends. I’d play football with them and talk about boy stuff like...like hot girls and sports games and cars and…stuff. I don’t know! And I didn’t care! I’d give anything to just sit in a group of boys who didn’t hate me and listen as they talked about stuff I didn’t understand, just so I could feel like I wasn’t alone anymore. I didn’t like football but if a group of boys from my class invited me to sit with them and talk about it then I’d join them in an instant! I was sick of sitting by myself at the back of the class with only my stupid imagination for company, and the only interactions with other students being when they decided it’d be fun to bully me for a while!

I was so….lonely. I hated admitting that because it was embarrassing, but it was true! I was alone all the time, even here. Aunt Linda had barely paid any attention to me until I turned ten and needed to take medication to help my body develop, and when I turned twelve we’d started fighting so much that I began to actively avoid her.

That was why it was so important to go through with the modelling competition! If I could get mum to come home then I wouldn’t be alone anymore! Even if nothing changed at school, every time I’d come home she’d be there with a loving smile and a warm hug, ready to make everything better.

If Aunt Linda wouldn’t let me go out tomorrow then I’d have to sneak out and deal with the consequences later. Screw it! Getting mum back into my life was worth suffering through a thousand punishments. When mum came back then I wouldn’t even have to live with Aunt Linda anymore so it wouldn’t matter! Mum would take me home and make everything better.

We’d finally be a family again.

I sighed tiredly began to turn the water off when I remembered Lilah telling me to wash my hair, so I looked up at the bench set into the shower wall. It was lined with Aunt Linda’s hair and body-care products, and after fighting with myself for a moment I grabbed the shampoo and ran it through my hair. It smelt pleasantly like peaches and cream, making me smile crookedly. My hair was going to smell exactly like Aunt Linda’s did. Weird.

I washed out the shampoo and followed it up with the same brand of conditioner, and when I washed that out I was amazed at the texture of my hair. I’d never bothered to wash it so thoroughly before now, most of the time not even using the honey-scented shampoo Aunt Linda bought me. So I’d never realised that hair could feel this…elegant. Even though it was wet I could already feel how soft and smooth it was compared to before, although there were a lot of knots. I needed to brush them out and the dry my hair. It was probably going to feel even more amazing once it was dry!

I got out of the shower and grabbed my towel off the rack, ignoring the fact that it was fluffy and pink. Aunt Linda refused to buy me a more masculine one and I’d given up complaining about it years ago. I quickly dried my body and then went over to the bench, grabbed a brush and looked at my reflection.

Which was a blurry, unfocused mess. Oops. I needed my glasses…or! I could get my contacts! They were in one of the drawers here under the bench, and I was really curious to see if I did look more like mum without my glasses. Plus, I really should get used to wearing them tonight if I was going to wear them tomorrow.

I searched through the numerous drawers lining the bench before I found my contacts, unsurprisingly in a drawer full of eye-care products. I took them out along with their cleaning fluid and carefully washed them, as even though they were a new set I was paranoid about getting some kind of eye infection. That was part of the reason why I rarely ever wore them, but the main one was because I just liked my glasses more. I felt safer with them on, like I had a little barrier between me and the outside world.

I sat down on the stool in front of the sink and carefully cleaned each of the small plastic discs, and then went through the old, familiar struggle of putting them in my eyes. After a couple minutes of pained grunts and frustrated growls I finally managed to put one in, and the second one followed soon after. I blinked a few times, rubbed my eyes, slicked my hair back behind my head and then focused on my reflection in the mirror, glad that I was so small that only my shoulders and head were visible while sitting on the stool.

It had been a long time since I’d last seen myself clearly without glasses, well over a year ago, and back then I’d looked much younger than I actually was. My face had still been in the process of growing out of my childhood chubbiness and my features had been feminine but undefined, making me look like I was around ten years old. But now…

I didn’t look like a little girl anymore, I looked like a teenage girl. There was no longer any puppy fat on my face and my features were far more defined, but still retained their softness. My eyes weren’t as large without my glasses but they were still quite big, and without the magnification from the lens they looked far more mature and…lush…

Look at her face here. You’ve both got really petite features and high cheekbones. And your eyes are just like hers! They’re lush and dark and big and doll-like! It’s so fucking hot!

I blushed uncomfortably as I remembered Lilah’s words and a weird tingling sensation sparked down my back. I was attractive! Not cute like a little kid anymore but pretty like a young woman. Like a young version of mum, just paler and with slightly smaller features. I…I…

I felt weird…and slightly nauseous…

‘Aha…’ I laughed weakly and reached out to touch my reflection in the mirror. ‘What the hell…’

How long had I looked like this!? I knew my glasses obscured most of my upper features, and I’d spent the last year or so actively avoiding how I looked but…this was insane! This wasn’t right! In my head I’d always seen myself as an odd-looking, shaggy-haired gothic bookworm with huge glasses, but that wasn’t real anymore.

I didn’t recognize myself at all. Who was this girl looking back at me? What the hell was going on!? The medication Aunt Linda gave me was supposed to stop me from becoming more feminine and make my body go through proper puberty! B-

‘You’re beautiful.’ Aunt Linda’s voice came from the doorway and I screamed in horror, then spun around and almost fell off the stool.

‘Aunt Linda! What the hell!’ I gasped and clapped my hands down on my lap, my heart hammering through my chest. How long had she been here? Surely only a couple of seconds or I’d have noticed her in the mirror. ‘Get out of here! I’m naked!’

‘Oh, calm down.’ she said with a smirk and closed the door behind her, her blue eyes shining behind their thick lashes. ‘I’ve seen you naked before.’

‘Please leave.’ I said shakily and began to stand up, but she put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me back down. She was so tall that I only came up to the bottom of her chest when standing, and was far stronger than I’d probably ever be. ‘Ah! What are you doing?’

‘Let me look at you for a moment.’ she said but I shook my head, shame at my body consuming me.

I slipped out of her grasp and ran to where my towel was on the ground, holding it up against my chest and genitals. Jesus!

‘Stop being so silly, honey.’ Aunt Linda said in a softer voice, her eyes running over my body. ‘I just wanted to see how your body’s been developing. You won’t let me see you naked anymore so I have no idea what’s going on.’

I glared up at her and took a step back, trying to calm down. When my body had first started changing I’d shown her because I was scared and confused, but once I learnt what was happening I never let her see me naked again. Why didn’t she understand how embarrassing this was?

Wait…had she told me to have a shower just so she could barge in and see me naked like this?

‘My body’s still messed up, and you should know it.’ I said as calmly as I could, although I couldn’t keep all of the anger out of my voice. ‘You’re the one who always freaks out when I kept forgetting to take my medication! You know what I look like! You don’t need to see me naked. Go away!’

‘Honey…just calm down.’ she said gently and pointed down at the stool. ‘I’m trying to help you, okay? This is what I wanted us to talk about. Just sit here and let me inspect your body for a moment.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I want to see how it’s doing before I give you your new medication.’ she said and my stomach jolted.

‘What?’

‘I can’t have you continuing to forget your medication all the time, so I’ve decided to change the method in which you take them.’ she said, her expression darkening. ‘I’ll be the one giving them to you this time so you won’t be able to forget anymore.’

I looked warily up at her. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Injections.’ she said simply. ‘You can get hor-the medication in an injectable form, and you’ll only have to take it once every couple of months. It’s apparently far more effective than the tablets too, because it goes right into the bloodstream.’

I shivered. ‘Are you talking about n-needles?’ My stomach plummeted when she nodded. ‘What! I don’t want t-’

‘Well then you should have thought about that before forgetting to take your tablets so many times.’ she said matter-of-factly. ‘Now please, just take off that towel so we can get this over with.’

I stared up at her nervously, my mind racing. If getting injections would help make my body become like a normal boys then I had no problem with them, especially after I’d just realised how feminine my face had become, but…why did she need to see me naked? Wasn’t it obvious just from looking at my face that my body was wrong as well? I didn’t understand, but I was worried about pushing the issue and making her mad. And besides that, I was supposed to be trying to put her in a good mood! Continually resisting her was just going to have the opposite effect, but…

But…I couldn’t show her my naked body! It was too embarrassing. No!

‘Aunt Linda…please…’ I said and pulled the towel tighter to my chest. ‘This is really embarrassing.’

‘It shouldn’t be.’ she said in a gentler tone than I’d expected. A warm smile lit up her face and she pushed her bangs behind her ears. ‘Your body’s beautiful, honey. You don’t have anything to be ashamed of. Most girls your age and older would kill to have a body like that. You should be proud of how attractive you are!’

I bit back an angry retort and forced myself to speak evenly. ‘…I’m a boy, Aunt Linda. I don’t want to look like this.’

‘But you do. So why not…’ She shook her head and sighed heavily. ‘No. We can talk about that later, when I’ve seen how far your body’s progressed. This is the last time I’m going to ask you, Jake. Take off that towel or I’ll take it off you myself.’

I swallowed and backed up against the wall. ‘What do you mean prog-’

My words ended in a cry of pain as she shoved me up against the wall, so hard that my head bounced off it. She ripped the towel out of my hands as lights spun in front of me, and then she shoved me back again and held me there. I cried out in horror and stared up at her in a daze, terror running through me.

‘I warned you.’ she hissed and slammed me against the wall again, her hands wrapped firmly around my upper arms. The warm smile was gone and her eyes were dark and angry. ‘I tried to be nice but you just wouldn’t let me, would you? Now shut the fuck up and let me look you over. I’m so sick of your whining.’

I whimpered and tried to push her away but it was useless. I could feel her eyes on me as if they were hands rubbing themselves up against my body. She was seeing everything…my body’s feminine shape, my genitals, my chest lumps. Everything I’d been trying to hide. Tears burned my eyes and nausea rose up inside of me again.

‘Stop crying.’ She said harshly and knelt down to see my lower half better. I whimpered and tried to pull away but there was nowhere to go. ‘For fucks sake Jake, just stay still. I’ll be done soon. Be patient.’

Then she began to touch me, her fingers pushing down on the fat around my hips and butt, then running up my back and inspecting my chest.
‘D-don’t…’ I said weakly as she pushed against the lumps, making me whimper again. ‘Please stop.’

She didn’t, but after about a minute she looked at me with a softer expression, a small smile on her lips.

‘You really are just like a girl now, huh? You have no reason to be ashamed of this body! It’s stunning! Why would you hide this from me? I had no idea you’d become so feminine. I’d-’

I couldn’t control myself anymore and burst into tears, feeling more violated than I ever had before. Deep, painful sobs tore my chest and all the energy in my body disappeared. Aunt Linda let me collapse down onto the ground and pulled me into a tight hug, telling me how beautiful my body was. I didn’t have the energy to try and escape her grasp so just let her hold me while I sobbed uncontrollably, my mind a scared, confused mess.

 

 

Synopsis:
Jake's life is being ripped out of his control as his Aunt plans for a future he never wanted, all while his body continues to change and the hope of finally seeing his mum again grows stronger. But the feelings he's tried to avoid for most of his life come rushing back and he begins to break apart from the pressure coming at him from all sides.

Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated!

 

 

Chapter Four: Looking to the future

Aunt Linda held me until I stopped crying, and as I sniffed and wiped my eyes she put her hands on my shoulders and smiled down at me.

‘You always have make things harder than they need to be, don’t you?’ she kissed me on the forehead and cupped my chin in her hands so I was looking up at her. ‘You poor, silly little thing. You need to stop being so ashamed of your body. Especially not now that it’s so beautiful! You’ve become such a wonderful young woman an-’

‘I’m a boy.’ I said weakly and hiccupped.

‘No.’ she said and a weak spark of anger ran through me. ‘Not on the outside, anyway. Except for that thing between your legs, but that’s easily hidden.’ I pushed my legs together even tighter and she laughed softly. ‘See, you hate it too. Wouldn’t you be happier without it?’

‘Wh-no!’ I stared at her with wide eyes, my stomach growing cold. I did hate my genitals but I hadn’t expected her to pick up on that.

‘Owh, Jake. You’re so disappointing.’ She sighed and finally let go of my face. ‘But that’s okay. We’re going to fix that very soon, aren’t we?’

‘What?’ I asked shakily.

‘You’ll see.’ She beamed and grabbed my discarded school clothes, along with my glasses. ‘But we can talk later, after I’ve had time to sort some things out. I’ve had a few things planned for a while now and it’s time I set them in motion.’

‘Wait!’ I said as she began to get up. ‘The medication can’t be working if my body’s like this! This is way worse than it s-should be, right?’

‘Yes, it is. But that’s not the medication’s fault, that’s yours.’ She looked me in the eye as her lips twitched. ‘If you didn’t forget to take it all the time then your body wouldn’t be like it is. This is your fault, Jake. You didn’t listen to me and now you have to deal with the consequences.’
My fault…

‘C-consequences?’ I shivered. ‘Like having the injections?’

‘Yes, but so much more than that.’ She rubbed the top of my head, and even through the numbness I felt a small spark of pleasure. ‘Consequences don’t always have to be bad, you know. I’m going to make you so happy sweetie, now that I don’t have to hold back anymore. Now that I know you’re not going to look like some transvestite or drag queen.’ Her lips twisted in distaste and she ran her hands down my sides, making me squirm uncomfortably. ‘No…you’re going to be perfect. Real instead of fake and disgusting. Truly pure. I promise you Jake, your happiness won’t be anything for anyone to be ashamed or disgusted by. You’re going to be everything we wanted, and so much more!’

‘W-what? We who? What are you talking about?’

She smirked and let out a small sigh. ‘Nothing you need worry about for the moment. Now, go to your room and rest up for a bit. I’ll come and get you in a few hours when I’m ready.’

I nodded numbly and watched as she left the room, then dropped down onto my side and stared at the wall, my head a painful mass of confusion and shame. It was difficulty to hold onto a thought long enough to process it except for one. One horrible, awful thought that I’d never even considered before now.

Was this my fault? I hadn’t thought that the medication was working so I’d stopped taking it as often, and now I looked just like a girl. It was my fault in that I’d stopped taking the medication as much, but I didn’t know that I’d nearly turn into a girl because of it! That seemed insane! I should be impossible! What kind of weird body abnormality turned boys turn into girls except for their genitals?

Aunt Linda had never gone into specifics about my condition, saying that I was too young to properly understand it, so I had no idea what was going on. All she’d said was that it was a rare developmental…thing…that sometimes happened to boys my age, and that it’d go away if I took my medication. She’d never said anything about me turning into a girl! I’d thought the worst that could happen was that I’d just look like an odd little girl for a couple of years, not that I’d start growing up like one!

How could this be my fault? So what if I forgot to take my medication for a couple of days throughout the last couple of months? Maybe if Aunt Linda had of actually told me turning into a girl was a possibility then I wouldn’t have been so lax about it! I’d never have thought this was possible!

God…this was insane, wasn’t it? What was happening to me? This wasn’t normal. Was…someone doing this to me? Was…was Aunt Linda doing this to me?

No! That was impossible. She wouldn’t hurt me like that, she loved me! But…

I wondered sometimes. She never gave me a decent answer about what was going on and never took me to a doctor, just told me to take my medication. I knew she wanted me to be a girl and was overjoyed at my body becoming more feminine, so why would she be so concerned about me taking medication that went against all of that? Why would she get so mad at me for not taking it when it’d undo all of the changes in my body that she was so happy about? Unless the medication wasn’t doing anything, or was actually turning me into a girl!

But, she was my legal guardian. She was responsible for my health and wellbeing and from what I understood, it was illegal for her to neglect my medical needs. Or turn me into a girl. If she was altering my body and someone found out then she could be arrested, or sued, or whatever it is that happens in those kinds of situations. I couldn’t believe that she’d break the law just to turn me into a girl, no matter how badly she wanted to. That was insane, and Aunt Linda might be weird and really scary sometimes, but she wasn’t insane. She just…liked girls a lot more than boys, is all.

And besides all of that, there was no way mum would leave me with someone who’d turn me into a girl! Mum had been Aunt Linda’s best friend for years, she knew her better than I ever would. If she thought she could be trusted to look after me then that was all there was to it. Mum wasn’t stupid.

I began to feel guilty even thinking about Aunt Linda doing this to me. She’d taken me in, and continued to look after me even after mum hadn’t come home when she’d said. She’d fed me, bought me awesome presents, gave me money and sent me to school. So what if she was a bit weird and wanted me to be a girl? Thinking that she’d actually mess with my body was just…rude. Wrong. Offensive. I was horrible for even thinking about it! She loved me!

I gritted my teeth as a sob threatened to tear its way out of my throat. I needed to stop thinking about this! What was happening to me was just some natural but rare body condition, and if I did what Aunt Linda said everything would be okay. It was my fault my body was like this…

But…it couldn’t hurt to do some research on my own, could it? While I was at the library tomorrow I could try and look into it somehow, maybe use the internet on the computers. I wasn’t great with computers but I knew how to Google something, and that was all I’d need, right?

That thought made me feel a little better and I got to my feet, carefully wrapping my towel around my waist. Once it was secure I removed my contacts, which had begun to fog up due to my tears, and quickly cleaned them again before putting them back in. I grabbed the black box they’d come in and then fled out of the room and down the stairs, not even glancing at Aunt Linda’s open doorway. When I reached the living room I hurled myself into my bedroom and slammed the door behind me, then dropped onto the soft carpeted floor with a relieved sigh. The beautifully safe, crowded darkness of my room washed over me and I felt myself immediately begin to relax.

Oh, thank god…

This was my sanctuary, my safe place. My small, warm little burrow where nothing bad could happen to me. There were no windows in here so it was always dark without the lights on, and for some reason it seemed to stay warm all year round, even in winter.

My brown bed was in the middle of the left wall underneath and it was littered with soft toys. Most of them were platypuses of various sizes but there were a few kittens and puppies hidden amongst them, as well as a rather lonely baby bunny. On the two shelves above the bed were the majority of my Pristine figurines, all neatly lined up to show them off to…well…me, really. The platypus figurine mum had given me was directly above my bed and on either side of it were two sleeping kittens. I’d neatly lined up the rest in no particular order besides making sure that my favourites were near the center. These consisted of the cuter figurines such as foxes, cats, puppies, foals, piglets, ferrets, ducklings, lambs, does, seals, bunnies and so on.

I…liked cute animals. A lot. I was painfully aware of how feminine of a trait that was, and the fact that Aunt Linda eagerly encouraged it only made it worse, but I just couldn’t help it. Cute things made my stomach all warm and happy, and a lot of the time when I was sad looking at my figurines and soft toys made me feel so much better.

They reminded me of…better times. Back when mum and I lived together, along with my sister.

On either side of my bed were two huge soft toy bears, each one taller than me even while sitting down. They had a small collection of baby animal plushies on their lap and the black fur around their stomachs had been worn away from the countless hugs they’d endured from me over the years. On either side of them were my large ornate wardrobe and chest of drawers, both of which had a scattering of Pristine figurines on them. These ones were the cooler ones that I was fond of, such as my whales and sharks. The great white figurine that I’d been hoping to get today would have gone right in the middle of the whales on my wardrobe, guarding it from any potential intruders. Rawr!

My work desk was on the opposite wall, and it the barest place in the room. I was the kind of person who left homework until the very last minute, usually the morning that it was due, and as such my desk barely saw any use. Aunt Linda had said that I’d get her old laptop when I was old enough to be trusted alone on the internet but that day still hadn’t come…

Two giant bookshelves were on either side of the desk, and another larger one was in the center of the back wall. One of them was full of animal books, usually ones that contained amazing wildlife photos, but I had a few more scientific ones as well. The second one was full of comics, manga and the few novels that I’d read, and the final bookcase was where I stored my DVDs. It was mostly fighting and science fiction anime, but I’d collected a few comedy anime over the years as well. There were some movies on the bottom shelf, and the top one was where I kept my documentaries. I owned pretty much everything that David Attenborough had created and I’d collected quite a few dinosaur documentaries as well. I loved seeing what life was like millions of years ago and learning about how different species had evolved into what they are now. Plus, dinosaurs were awesome.

I liked to think that my love of cool things like dinosaurs and sharks balanced out my love of cute things. I wasn’t quite sure if that was how that all worked, but it made me feel a little better.

After soaking up the safety of my room for a couple more seconds I went to my wardrobe and pulled out my pyjamas, unable to stand being naked any longer. The pyjamas were jet-black and made out of soft wool that immediately irritated my chest, but the feeling of being clothed again far outweighed that small discomfort.

An odd, relieved grunt escaped my lips once I was fully dressed and I jumped onto my bed, my head beginning to clear. I rolled over to my side and grabbed my favourite soft toy, a large dark brown platypus called Julia, and hugged her tightly to my chest for a few moments.

‘Okay.’ I said quietly, focusing on Julia’s large black eyes. Talking to her always helped me put my thoughts in order. ‘So, I think I over-reacted to Aunt Linda inspecting my body. She only did it to see if the medication was working, it wasn’t like she was trying to humiliate me. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset. It’s my fault my body’s like this and she was just trying to help! R-right?’ I looked questioningly at Julia, who nodded sagely. ‘Right. She’s always trying to help me and I’m always making things hard for her. Maybe I shouldn’t fight her so much when she tries to make me more like a girl. I mean, tomorrow I’m going to be actually dressing up as a girl for a photoshoot! So it’s not like I’m disgusted by the idea or anything. Why do I fight it so much?’

Julia looking meaningfully at me and I grimaced. ‘I know. Because it’s scary. I get bullied at school all the time because of how I look, and that’s just while wearing the baggy uniform and my glasses. If I actually put effort into looking like a girl then I’d be bullied a thousand times worse! I know Aunt Linda says it’s not wrong to be feminine but she’s the only one who says that. I’ve never heard anyone else say it’s okay for boys to dress like girls. Most of the kids at school make fun of crossdressers, and that’s what I’d be if I dressed like a girl, right? Because…I don’t want to be a girl.’ Julia looked at me knowingly and I sighed. ‘I know. Things would be so much easier if I actually was a girl, wouldn’t they? I wouldn’t get bullied for looking like this and I’d probably even have friends. I’d get along much better with Aunt Linda too. And I’d…I’d…’ I trailed off as a strange, warm feeling appeared in my stomach, along with tingling sensations down my back.

If I actually was a girl…

I wasn’t a girl, obviously. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t be one. There were people who changed their sex, transse-

‘Ah! What the hell am I thinking?’ I gasped and sat bolt upright, a cold chill running down my back. ‘I’m a boy! And I’m happy being a boy! The only reason things suck is because I look like this, but I won’t forever! So…so shut up!’

I shook my head and fell back down onto the bed again, squashing Julia up into a tight hug. The strange, warm feeling in my stomach was still there but I tried to ignore it. ‘The point is, that…I’m a boy and I’ll get made fun of for dressing like a girl. No, even worse than being made fun of. People would think that I’m a transsexual…w-which I’m not! I’m a boy!’ I glared at Julia, who stared sadly back at me. ‘I’m not a transsexual! Stop looking at me like that!’

I shoved the platypus away from me and rolled over onto my back, my stomach churning uncomfortably. God damn it. I didn’t want to be a girl! I was just getting confused and overwhelmed by my changing body and Aunt Linda constantly trying to make me like girly things.

But that warm feeling in my stomach whenever I thought about it…not dressing as a girl but actually being one…was enticing. I’d felt it once before, when I’d first seen my feminising body and thought that I was turning into a girl. I’d been terrified but excited too. For a brief moment it felt like everything was going to be okay, that I was actually a girl and my body was fixing itself, genitals and everything. And once it was done I’d be able to go to a new school as a girl where nobody knew me and I’d finally fit in, make friends and not be alone! Aunt Linda and I would finally get along and mum would definitely have to come home and see me! I’d be her new daughter!

But…I hadn’t been turning into a girl. I was just a boy who was starting to look like one. My genitals weren’t going to disappear, I wasn’t going to start growing breasts and I wouldn’t be able to give birth.

I’d been more upset about that than I cared to admit. But I’d gotten over it! It’d just been a brief moment of confusion and it was gone now. It’d only lasted a day, from when I woke up and saw my wider hips to when I’d showed Aunt Linda and had her explain what was happening. After that I was fine with being a boy! I was…I was fine.

But the warm feeling was still there, and it was making me anxious and…really sad…

If I’d been born a girl my life would have been so much better.

But that was…that was just…something that didn’t matter! Because I was born a boy and I didn’t want to be a girl anymore! Wearing girl’s clothes and acting like a girl just reminded me that I wasn’t really a girl and it made me feel like shit! That was why I hated it! Not because I was bullied all the time, even though that was a part of it. That was another reminder of what I wasn’t, just a boy who looked like a girl instead of a real girl. Same with wearing girls clothes, and acting like one and being treated like. It was all just a painful reminder of a life I’d never have. I didn’t care what Aunt Linda said, I was a boy and no amount of clothing or kind words would change that. Nor my feminine body and face. I had a...penis…

And even if I didn’t, even if I somehow got the surgery that made my genitals into girls ones, it still wouldn’t matter. Mum…I was a boy to her, she’d never accept me as a girl. She’d never come home to see her transsexual son. She wouldn’t love me. I’d be a…a freak to her, and end up alone and unloved with just Aunt Linda for company.

I breathed out and wiped my eyes, which were starting to tear up. I needed to stop thinking about this. It was pointless. All it did was make me feel sad and empty. I was a boy, and when I finally looked like I was supposed to then everything would be fine. I just had to hold on and be patient, and deal with dressing like a girl over the next couple of weeks. When mum came back to see me model she’d make everything okay again. I’d be her son and that…

That was enough. As long as she was back I could deal with anything.

…maybe.

‘Jake. Wake up.’

I groaned and turned over in my sleep, curling myself around Julia. Was someone cal-

‘Jake!’

My eyes snapped open with a gasp, and I saw Aunt Linda standing above me with a frown. She’d turned the lights on in my room and I was snuggled up underneath my bedsheets. What the hell? When had I fallen asleep? I didn’t remember…

‘What…’ I said blearily and rubbed my eyes, pushing myself into a kneeling position and looking up at my aunt. ‘What time is it?’

‘It’s nine thirty.’ she said gently and pushed my bed hair out of my face and behind my ears with a smile. ‘Don’t worry, you can go back to sleep when I’m done. Unless you’re hungry?’

I was still pretty full from the pizza I’d had with Lilah, so I shook my head. ‘I’m okay. What umm…why are you here? Sorry…’

‘I just want to take your measurements, sweetie. It won’t take long.’ I rubbed my eyes again and saw that she was holding a roll of measuring tape, as well as a small notepad. ‘Hop off the bed for me.’

‘My measurements?’ I asked as I crawled off the bed and got to my feet, using Aunt Linda’s stomach for support.

‘Yep. I want to be able to measure the changes your body goes through.’

‘To see if the injections work?’ I asked and she blinked, then smiled.

‘Yes! Exactly!’ she patted me on the head and I squeaked happily. ‘Now, take off your clothes. I want to get these measurements as exact as possible.’

My stomach plummeted and I was suddenly wide awake. Oh my god! She wanted me to get naked again!? Jesus…

‘Jake…’ Aunt Linda said as I hesitated, her voice becoming stern. ‘Do you want a repeat of what happened earlier in the bathroom?’

I shook my head and grabbed the bottom of my pyjamas, knowing all too well now how pointless it was to refuse her. ‘S-sorry…’

‘It’s okay.’ She beamed as I undressed, the sternness disappearing. ‘I know this makes you uncomfortable but you’re going to have to get used to it. I want to measure you every week from now on, to see how your body’s changing. Not just from the medication though. I was thinking, would you like to come to the gym with me sometimes?’

‘What? Why?’ I stared at her in surprise as she measured my waistline.

‘You’re smaller than I’d like, and very weak.’ I blushed unhappily but she continued, smiling slightly. ‘So I want to increase the amount of food you eat to help you put on some muscle, but I don’t want you getting fat.’

‘Oh…well…’ I trailed off, having no idea how to think about that. I’d never gone to the gym before, and physical activities weren’t all that high up on the list of things I wanted to do.

‘Also, I’m enrolling you in singing lessons.’ she said nonchalantly as she finished measuring my hips.

‘What!?’ I gasped and stared at her. ‘Why?’

‘Because you have a beautifully soft, feminine voice and I want you to put it to good use.’

‘I don’t want to sing!’

‘Too bad.’ she said, lifting up both my arms and measuring my chest. I squirmed and fought against my natural instinct to push her arms away. ‘You’re going to learn to sing, and you’re going to learn to dance as well. And I was thinking it might be worth looking into piano lessons as well, or maybe even violin ones. Which do you prefer?’

‘Uh…’ I watched as she wrote down my measurements in her notebook, completely lost. ‘Why do I need to do all these things now? Is this because of my body?’

‘Yes.’ She pushed my legs apart and began measuring my thighs, ignoring my embarrassment. ‘It should go without saying, but I expect you to go to all of these activities as a girl. Your body is stunning and I refused to let you waste its potential.’

I shivered at her words and hugged myself. ‘But…Aunt Linda, I really don’t wa-’

‘I know you don’t want to, but it’s for the best.’ She finished measuring my legs and scribbled the results in her notebook. ‘I’ve been thinking about this for a while but I kept holding off because your body was too masculine, but now that it’s not then there’s no need to delay things any further. You’re going to learn to sing, dance and play an instrument.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you, my cute little baby girl, are going to become a star. Just like I’ve always wanted.’ she said with a wide smile, putting her hands on my shoulder. ‘Not just any star though. A special one.’

‘Special how?’ I didn’t like how she’d said that.

‘You’ll see.’ She beamed and squeezed my shoulders. ‘For now though, all you need to worry about is learning your new skills and getting healthier.’

‘I don’t w-’

‘I don’t care.’ she said over me, her expression darkening. ‘This is for your own good sweetie, even if you can’t see it now. Besides, I think you’ll quite like the process once it gets started.’

‘What process?’

She tilted her head and smiled, taking her hands off my shoulders. ‘The process of becoming Lain, of course.’

‘Who?’

‘That’s what your name will be.’

‘What? Lain?’

‘Yes.’

She smiled but I just stared blankly back, unable to properly digest what she’d just said. She wanted me to be a female star called Lain? That was insane! Even if I actually wanted to do that, there was no way it was possible. I was…well, me! I loved platypuses and animal figurines, not dancing and singing. There was no way I’d be able to learn those kinds of skills. I wasn’t made for moving around and entertaining people. What did she even mean by star? A singer? Did she want me to release albums? Or did she want me to be in operas or something? Or…what? I had no idea, and I didn’t think she was going to divulge any more information at this point so I didn’t bother asking.

Learning to play an instrument wouldn’t be so bad, but learning to sing and dance sounded awful. There had to be a way to get out of doing those. I was already doing the modelling competition and that was wa-oh!

‘Aunt Linda!’ I gasped and grabbed her arm. ‘Would it be okay if I went out tomorrow? Around twelve?’

‘Where?’ she asked, her smile fading somewhat.

‘Uh…to the library! I’m meeting someone from school, and we’re going to work on a project together.’ I lied quickly, although it wasn’t completely a lie. A half-truth I guess.

‘…okay. That should be fine.’ Aunt Linda said after a moment and I let out a relieved breath. Thank god! ‘So long as you come with me to one of my work functions on Sunday.’

I blinked. ‘What? You want me to go to work with you?’

Aunt Linda was a campaign manager and barely ever talked about her work with me, so I couldn’t imagine a reason why she’d want me around.

‘It’s not really work, just a meet and greet. Getting to know some of my clients’ supporters and their families.’ She reaffixed her smile. ‘It’ll be a good opportunity for you to get to know some people who’ll be a very big help to us in the future.’

‘To us?’

‘Yes. I’m your manager, after all. What helps you helps me.’ She kissed me on the forehead. ‘You’ll go with me to the function?'

‘I guess…’

‘Good girl!’ she squeezed my shoulders one last time and went to the doorway. ‘you’ve got some big days ahead of you, but I promise you’ll enjoy them. Goodnight sweetie.’

‘G-goodnight.’ I said awkwardly as she turned off the bedroom lights and left.

I put my pyjamas back on and fell backwards onto my bed, reeling from everything she’d just said. I think…

I think I was starting to understand…

To be continued

Thankyou so much for reading! I appreciate it a lot.
Also, I have a question. You've probably noticed that I go into a lot of detail when describing different areas, like the bathroom, Jake's bedroom, the apartment and the like. I was wondering if I maybe go into too much detail? I'm worried it drags the flow of the story down a bit. I really like to describe what I see in my head, so that you can almost feel it and see it more clearly, especially when the characters are having conversations, but I don't want people to get put off or bored by the descriptions and not even get to the conversations and stuff. Thanks!

Also, I used a few names (2) from my other stories, because I really like those names! There's no connection to them though...

 

 

 

After Aunt Linda left I stared up into the darkness as a cold numbness encompassed my body, starting in my stomach and then creeping upwards to wrap itself around my heart. My thoughts were screaming around in my head as I tried to comprehend everything she’d just said, and for the first time in my life I finally began to understand what was happening to me. The truth was staring me in the face and it wasn’t going to let me ignore it anymore.

Aunt Linda was going to force me to be a girl, even though she knew I didn’t want to be one. She was going to make me go to singing and dance lessons dressed as girl so I could be a “special” star, and on top of that she was going to send me to the gym and control what I ate as well. As far as I could tell she was planning on controlling nearly every single aspect of my life, from my body and my social interactions to even what skills I learnt. I wouldn’t be surprised if she pulled me out of school soon, or moved me to an all-girls one. She was…insane. She was actually insane!

And she’d been planning on doing this to me for a very long time, maybe even before she became my legal guardian. She’d even said as much on numerous occasions…

…you, my cute little baby girl, are going to become a star. Just like I’ve always wanted.

Which…meant that…

If she’d always been planning on doing this to me …and the only reason that she was putting her plans into action now was because my body was female except for my genitals…then…then…

I whimpered and buried my head into Julia’s softness as I finally accepted the truth, my hands shaking with a mixture of rage and despair.

She was turning me into a girl!

The medication she was giving me wasn’t stopping me from turning into a girl, it was turning me into a girl. This wasn’t natural, I didn’t have some weird body abnormality, and I didn’t have a frigging chest infection either! The lumps on my chest were…they were breasts!
I shivered and twisted about on the bed, feeling sick to my stomach. How could I have been so stupid!?

Because I’d trusted her! She was only person in my life besides mum with whom I’d ever been close to! She fed me, sent me to school, gave me allowance, bought me platypus-themed presents and let me live with her even though mum was supposed to have come and taken me back home years ago. For the past seven years she’d been my mum! And I loved her, kind of. Or, well, I didn’t hate her! She could be scary and violent at times but I’d always believed that she had my best interests at heart. I’d never believed that she’d hurt me on purpose! That was supposed to be impossible! She wasn’t supposed to do this to me!

‘Wait. Wait.’ I gasped and pushed myself up onto a kneeling position, clutching Julia in my shaking hands. ‘Maybe I’m wrong! I-I don’t know anything about bodies and stuff! Maybe I really do have some weird body thing and it’s j-just a coincidence that Aunt Linda’s been planning on...planning…n-no! No! Fuck!’

My body flinched violently and I threw Julia across the room in a fit of rage, my heart hammering inside of my chest. I wasn’t wrong! It was impossible for all of this to be random chance, for my body to start feminising while Aunt Linda was looking after me, when she’d always wanted to turn me into some kind of female star. She was doing this to me…

‘She’s insane.’ I said weakly, crawling off the bed and staring at the light coming under my door. She was out there, probably watching TV in the living room or working on her laptop with a cup of coffee at the dining room table. I went over to the door and leant against it, my breathing coming out in short, ragged spurts.

What the fuck was I supposed to do!? If I went out there and confronted her then she’d either deny it and call me paranoid, or actually admit it and tell me that it was for my own good. Either way, she’d know that I knew what she was doing and I couldn’t imagine that would end well for me. I was almost one hundred percent sure that what she was doing was illegal. She was changing my body without telling me, without my permission. That had to be against the law, and if she knew I’d figured it out then she’d definitely take steps to make sure that I didn’t tell anyone. I couldn’t even imagine what they’d be, but I was sure that they’d involve a lot of pain.

So I wouldn’t tell her that I knew. But I had to do something! I didn’t want to be turned into a girl! If she kept doing this then I’d…

I’d grow up as a girl, and start looking more and more like mum. My body would fill out with curves like hers and I’d become taller and more elegant, more beautiful…I’d be beautiful, just like her…just like in those pictures Lilah had shown me.

I shivered and hugged myself, shying away from those kinds of thoughts and the horribly warm feeling they brought with them. I was a boy! I didn’t want to look like mum! I wanted to look like myself! Like a normal thirteen year old boy. I was never going to be a girl no matter how much I looked like one so it was pointless to think about it! It was gross! I was being pathetic and disgusting! I was a boy and I’d never be a girl! Aunt Linda was fucking me around and trying to turn me into a girl when it was impossible! She was disgusting! She was fucked in the head!

‘I’m a boy!’ I moaned as tears fell from my eyes. ‘I can’t be a girl, I was born a boy and I’m a boy! It’s impossible. And…and even if it’s not I don’t want it to be like this! I want to be with mum, I…I wanted to be her daughter, not her messed up transsexual son thing! Not Aunt Linda’s…whatever the fuck I am! Her Lain. Lain! What the fu-’

A sob cut me off and I collapsed onto the ground, my emotions becoming too tangled and confused to hold back anymore. I fought off a scream and punched the carpet as hard as I could, unable to contain myself any longer. Pain tore through my arm but I ignored it and punched the ground again and again and again, lost in a fit of rage. All I could think about was how much I hated Aunt Linda and how much I hated my body. It was disgusting…Aunt L-no! She wasn’t my Aunt! It was insulting even calling her that! She was Linda! Some horrible woman who had lied to me and disfigured my body for her own amusement! She was disgusting! I hated her so much…so much…so much…so much…SO MUCH!

My body finally gaze out and I fell onto my stomach, then curled up into a ball and wept uncontrollably. I couldn’t think clearly anymore, everything was too messy and unfocused, too real and painful to deal with. It was just easier to cry and let everything out, even though mum wasn’t here anymore to comfort me. I…I...oh my god!

Wait!

I stopped crying as a beautiful, shining thought occurred to me, drowning out the torrent of misery swirling around in my head.

Mum! She’d save me! Linda was breaking the law and if I told mum then she’d come home and save me! There was no way she could ignore this, it was too serious! This was a way better reason for her to come home than me just joining a modelling competition!

I hiccupped and pushed myself back up onto my knees, wincing at the pain this sent through my bruised arms. My breathing began to steady as I wrapped my thoughts around the shining hope that I’d just discovered, and a beautiful patch of non-confusing warmness appeared in my stomach. My thoughts cleared as if the sun had ripped through a stormy night and standing there in the center, illuminated as if sent by a god, was the answer to all of my problems. All of them!

I finally knew what I had to do.

I’d email mum about this. I was going to the library anyway so I didn’t even have to do anything different! I’d tell her everything that was going on and she’d contact the police and they’d make Linda stop giving me medication, and then mum would come home and save me! She’d take me away from here and we’d go back to our old home, or maybe even to America, to the house that she lived in now. I’d never see Linda again! And my body would go back to being a boys and everything would be okay! I’d go to a new school and easily make friends because I’d actually look like a boy and mum and I would be as close as ever!

All I needed to do was email her and then wait for her to make everything okay.

‘Everything’s going to be okay.’ I said softly and climbed back up onto my bed. I reached out to hug Julia but remembered that I’d thrown her away, and it was far too dark for me to find her again. I squeaked sadly and instead hugged one of my little kittens, then rolled onto my back and smiled weakly up into the darkness.

Once I emailed mum tomorrow I could relax. She would see the email and fix everything. By this time next week I’d probably be living with her! It was going to be amazing!

Finally...

Everything was going to go back to the way it should have been, before mum left. Everything was going to be perfect.

Note

Thankyou for reading! I understand this should have probably been added to the end of the last chapter but I felt like it should have its own one for the moment. I'll perform story surgery in the future to make sure it all flows better and so that there's no scarring, don't worry! ^_^
I'm a surgeon! Trust me o.O Pugu pugu! :<

 

 

 

Synopsis: Jake wakes up after realizing what Linda is doing to him and prepares to enjoy what could possibly be his last day outside for a while.

 
Note: This story is planned to go on for quite a while, although it will be segmented into separate parts at each major junction. The plan's for about ten-ish chapters for this part, with Jake/Linda/Lilah and another character coming up being the focus, and is pretty much an introduction setting up the important characters and fleshing out Jake and the world around him. The next part will be longer and expand upon everything introduced and mentioned in the first part, but this part is smaller and more focused on Jake.
Thanks for reading :)

 
Mum was sitting on the edge of my bed, a look of horror etched on her face as she cradled the…thing…in her arms. I whimpered and staggered towards her, ignoring the paid ripping through my lower half. I needed to help her, needed to make her feel better somehow. It wasn’t my fault bu-

‘Get the fuck away from me!’ mum shrieked and kicked me in the chest, hard enough to throw me back onto the ground. I shrieked and rolled around in agony as the familiar taste of blood consumed my mouth and made me gag.

‘Jesus! Calm down, Elaine!’ Linda cried as she knelt down to wrap me up in a hug, tears falling down her face. ‘You need to come downstairs and see the paramedics. Jake needs to be looked a be-’

‘I’m not leaving her!’

Linda’s lips trembled and she struggled to speak. ‘She’s…Elaine, she-’

‘Don’t you fucking say it!’ Mum screamed and hugged the thing tighter to her. ‘She’s not dead! She’s going to wake up and smile at me again! Look! LOOK!’

The thing’s head lolled lifelessly in mums arms as she shook it, and empty eyes stared at me from a shroud of brown hair. I…knew that face.

Ada?

Ada tried to save me…

Ada?

ADA!

WAKE UP!

‘I’m up!’ I gasped and jerked awake, staring blearily around my room. It felt like someone had just screamed in my ear to wake up but to my surprise there wasn’t anybody in my room. The tendrils of some horrible dream were fading from my mind and I pushed myself to my knees, feeling really uncomfortably for some reason. What had I-

I gasped as someone knocked sharply on my bedroom door, and it creaked open slightly to let in a bright stream of natural light.

‘Sweetie? It’s time to wake up, it’s almost twelve.’ Linda’s voice floated into the room and she pushed the door all the way open, then turned on my bedroom lights. ‘Are you awake?’

I started blankly at Linda in a doorway, for a moment confused by the surge of hatred that rose up inside of me. Then memories from the other night flooded through me and I snarled, every fiber of my being aching to jump off the bed and start screaming at the monster standing in the doorway. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to stay calm, but angry thoughts thrashed about inside my head and threatened to escape. I hated her so much!

But I had to stay calm! I needed to email mum and tell her what was going on so she could save me, and the only way I could do that was by going to the library and emailing her. If Linda figured out that I’d realised what she’d been doing then she’d never let me leave the house again, or at least not by myself. And there was nothing in here that I could use to contact mum. I didn’t have a computer and Linda’s laptop and phone were both password-protected. I could try and call mum on the landline but I was almost one hundred percent sure that the number I had for her was outdated, considering that she hadn’t returned my calls in years.

…I could call the police though. Would Linda locking me up and refusing to let me leave the house be enough of a reason for them to come and arrest her? Especially if I told them that she was messing with my body as well? Would they-

‘Jake? Are you okay?’ Linda asked, making me jump slightly. The sound of her voice sent ripples of fury through me, but I was slightly relieved that she wasn’t calling me Lain yet.

‘I’m fine.’ I said as casually as possible, hoping that none of the anger I was feeling slipped into my voice. I kept my head bowed though so Linda couldn’t see my face, in case my expression somehow gave myself away. ‘I j-just feel a bit sick.’

‘Owh! Is it your stomach?’ she asked and I felt the side of the bed depress as she sat down. ‘You haven’t eaten in a while, have you?’

‘No.’ I didn’t feel like telling her about the pizza I had yesterday. ‘But I’ll grab something on my way to the library, it’ll be okay. I-I really need to get dressed so…so…could-’

‘I don’t want you going out if you’re sick.’ Linda said and I flinched away as she began to place her hand against my forehead. ‘Hey! Don’t look away. Let me see you.’

I swallowed and finally looked up at her, trying to make my expression look as natural as possible. She was dressed very formally, with a soft grey shirt underneath a black fitted coat and a matching skirt. Her brown hair had been straightened and she’d put on her best make-up, making her look slightly kinder than normal. She was wearing my favourite perfume of hers too, one that had a soft, slightly sweet fragrance that reminded me slightly of cotton candy and roses.

‘Are you going out today?’ I asked as she put her palm against my forehead, hoping that if I talked I’d be able to disguise my anger.

‘Yes, I am.’ she said and smiled warmly. ‘I’m going to be getting you some new clothes and accessories today, sweetie. I want you to look perfect for when you meet my colleagues tomorrow.’

‘Oh…’ I’d completely forgotten about agreeing to go to her work thing tomorrow. My stomach churned uneasily as I thought about what kind of clothes she’d be getting me. Girls clothes, no doubt. Shit. ‘Am I going to have to go to that as a girl?’

‘Yes.’ she said and put a finger over my mouth as I began to protest. ‘Don’t. I know you’re probably a bit overwhelmed from yesterday but I’ll explain everything properly tonight, once you’re dressed more…appropriately.’

‘More appropriately?’ I asked uncomfortably and she smiled.

‘Yes.’ she said softly and took her hand off my forehead. ‘Hmmm. It doesn’t look like you’re sick so I think you should be okay to go out. I’ll give you a lift to the library though, and I want you to catch the bus home.’

A bolt of panic shot through me. If she dropped me off at the library and Lilah was there she might speak to her and find out that we weren’t actually studying, and get angry at me for lying and drive me right back home. Shit! I needed us to leave now then, so we got there early before Lilah showed up.

‘We should get going then, so I’m not late!’ I said quickly and jumped off the bed.

‘After you shower.’ Linda said as she got up and I frowned at her.

‘What? I had a shower last night!’

‘Yes, but you’re all sweaty and gross.’

‘I am?’ I gasped, blushing despite my anger. I did feel a bit yucky, probably because I hadn’t slept very well. I remembered tossing and turning under my covers and sweating a lot. Urgh! I didn’t want to be sweaty and gross! ‘D-do I smell?’

‘A little bit.’ she said and her lips twitched at my horrified expression. ‘By the way, did you use my shampoo and conditioner last night? Your hair smells like mine.’

‘Oh yeah.’ I’d completely forgotten about that. Everything that had happened before Linda forced me to be naked seemed so long ago…

I put my hands in my hair and suppressed a small smile as I felt how silky it was. It felt so nice! It was a bit stiff and messy from how I’d slept though, and there were heaps of knots in it. It felt miles nicer than it’d ever felt before though, and I really liked it. I wanted to brush out the knots and wash it again, to see how it would feel then.

Would it feel like mums hair?

‘I didn’t think you cared about your hair.’ Linda asked as I felt my hair, a curious smile on her red lips.

‘I was just curious.’ I said honestly. ‘Umm…would it be okay if used your shampoo and stuff again today?’

‘Of course!’ Her eyes lit up and she grabbed one of my shoulders. I gasped and tensed up, scared that she was going to throw me against a wall or something, but she just gently ran a hand through my hair. ‘I was going to wash your hair tonight anyway, but if you’re going to do it now then that’ll speed things up a bit. You should use my body wash too.’

‘Body wash?’ I asked, my body relaxing now that I knew she wasn’t going to hurt me.

‘The pink bottle with strawberries on it. Make sure to use my body sponge to put it on though.’

‘Body sponge?’ A sponge in the shape of a body? What did I need something like that for?

‘It’s the white foam circle with strings on it. You should know it when you see it.’

‘Oh! The thing under the sink that you use to clean the kitchen floor? ’

‘What? No, of course not! Why would…’ Her expression fell slightly and she patted me gently on the head, sighing heavily. ‘You know what? Don’t worry about it. I’ll go through it with you tonight. Just wash your hair.’

‘Okay!’ I said in relief and rushed out of my room before she could say anything else, wanting the conversation to be over. I didn’t know what she was planning on doing to me tonight and I didn’t really want to find out, knowing that it’d only make me angrier. It didn’t matter anyway, because once I emailed mum I was going to let her know that I knew exactly what she was doing to me, and fight her off if she tried to put girls clothes on me or give me my medication. I refused to become any more feminine than I already was.

Except for my hair. I…needed to see what it would feel like washed and brushed properly. And I had to dress as a girl today bu-

Wait a minute! I didn’t need to do that anymore, did I? Linda turning me into a girl was more than enough reason for mum to come home, I didn’t need to join the modelling competition to get her attention anymore. Hah!

It felt like a small weight had been lifted off of my chest as I realised that, and I bounced up the stairs and into the bathroom with a small smile. I could just email mum and then spend the rest of the day relaxing in the library, or looking for new Pristine figurines and find something yummy to eat. It might be the last time I got to go outside by myself for a while, so I should try and enjoy myself…

I reached the bathroom and my smile faded as I remembered what had happened here last night. I’d never worried about locking the door before but I did so now, terrified of Linda coming in and “inspecting” me again. I threw off all my clothes and cleaned myself as fast as I could, then carefully washed my hair to make sure that every part of it soaked up the shampoo. Once I was satisfied that I’d washed every section of hair thoroughly I jumped out of the shower and dried myself off, making sure to be more gentle with my hair than I normally would have been. I smiled at how smooth it was and thought about bruising it, but decided that there wasn’t enough time. It’d take a while for me to be able to remove all of the knots and without my contacts or glasses I wouldn’t even be able to see the finished result. Besides, I wasn’t going to do the modelling thing anymore so there was no reason why my hair needed to be well-kept for today. I’d just do it tonight.

I wrapped my towel around myself and ran back to my room, relieved to see that Linda was sitting in the living room with her back to my room. My door didn’t have a lock on it so I made sure to get dressed as quickly as possible, deciding on a loose white shirt and jeans. Once they were on I carefully put in my contacts and immediately saw poor Julia lying on her back under my desk.

‘Ohh…’ I said sadly and picked her up, checking her small brown body in case I’d somehow damaged her. ‘I’m so sorry Julia! I didn’t mean to throw you, I was just upset. Can you forgive me?’

She looked at me accusingly so I gave her a huge hug, which made her look a bit happier. I kissed her on the squishy forehead and then went to place her back in her usual spot on my bed, but stopped myself. Julia always made me feel better and right now I could use her calming cuteness, so I went over to my brown cross-body bag and slipped her inside of it. The bag was big enough that she was completely hidden inside, and she looked absolutely adorable looking up at me from the darkness, like an actual wild platypus hiding in a hole.

‘You’re so cute!’ I giggled and kissed her on the head again. ‘I need a lot of luck today, so you gotta help me out, okay?’

Julia nodded in affirmation and I closed the bag over her, and then slipped it over shoulder. The straps were long enough that it comfortably rested against my hip, and it was made out of a soft cotton-like material that didn’t dig into my sensitive skin.

Speaking of sensitive, my chest was starting to become irritable again. It hadn’t itched at all during the night and when I’d woken up, probably because my pyjama top was quite soft, but now that I was wearing a heavier fabric it was playing up again. I went to scratch at the lumps and then stopped myself, an odd feeling scratching down my spine.

They weren’t lumps, they were breasts.

I swallowed and put my hand back down, not feeling comfortable touching them anymore. They weren’t just weird skin infection lumps anymore, they were breasts, part of the female anatomy, and I didn’t want anything to do with them. They shouldn’t be on me and I…I didn’t like them…right?

The frustrating warmth grew inside of me again and I shivered slightly. I was born a boy but I looked like a girl, and I had breasts like one. If I had that surgery transsexuals had then nobody would be able to tell that I was a boy, or had ever been one.

A shaky breath escaped me as I imagined that, and the warmth grew so hot that it almost started to hurt. I could actually look like a girl, even while naked. Instead of being a boy who just looked like a girl, I’d actually be a gi-

No! I wouldn’t be a girl! I was still born a boy! It didn’t matter if I looked like a girl, I wasn’t one! I’d never be one, no matter what I did! Why did I keep thinking about this, feeling like this?

I flinched and then clutched at my chest as a deep pain started growing alongside with warmth burning through my stomach. Tears fell from my eyes and I angrily wiped them away, feeling shaky and scared. What was happening to me? I hated feeling like this! It hurt so much, worse than anything else I’d felt before! Why was I feeling like this? What was going on? I didn’t want to be a girl! I was just confused because I looked like one! It was the medications fault, and Linda’s! They were making me feel like this, it wasn’t me! I was a boy and I was h-h…ha…happ…

No…I was really depressed…I’d always been depressed…

Nothing good had ever happened to me as a boy. I’d always felt lonely and I’d never made any friends. All I did was hid myself away in my room and collected stupid animal fi-

‘Shut up!’ I shouted and slammed my fist into my stomach, then squealed in pain and fell to my knees, gasping for breath. ‘I don’t want to be a girl! Fuck off! I’m happy! I’m happy! I’m so fucking happy! So fuck off! I hate you!’

I coughed and massaged my aching stomach, feeling like I was about to throw up. Oh god…why had I punched myself? I hadn’t even thought about it, I’d just done it before I could even stop myself. I’d been so scared…

But the warmth was gone now. There was just pain, and that was okay! I was fine with pain. I could deal with pain. Pain on the outside, anyway. I had no idea how to deal with the pain on the inside, and it was starting to get really bad.

I needed to stop taking the medication no matter how badly Linda tried to make me take it. It had to be what was doing this to me, changing my mind as well as my body. I’d look it up in the library, try and see if I could figure out what she was giving me. Maybe I could ask Lilah about it as well, she might know something about transsexuals and they probably took the same stuff that Linda was giving me.

And even if Lilah couldn’t help me, I should still talk to her. To tell her I wasn’t going to do the modelling competition and apologize. Maybe we could have lunch again and talk about…stuff. My mum and her ex-girlfriend and stuff, I don’t know. Anything.

I just….really needed someone sane to talk to right now.

To be continued

Thankyou for reading! All comments and feedback are appreciated!

 

 

 

Synopsis: Jake attempts to contact his mum but meets Lilah, who, in the process of asking Jake about his mum, brings back some unwanted memories
 

 

Once I’d properly calmed down I left my room and told Linda that I was ready to go, so she grabbed her keys and together we left the apartment. Her car was in the parking garage on the very bottom floor so we took the elevator down alone, being the only residents who were apparently around at the moment.

The walk to the car was horrible, as none of us spoke and I got the feeling that Linda knew that I was lying about going to the library to work on a school project. I kept expecting her to ask me about it, or about the “friend” that I was meeting to work on it with, but she didn’t. She was just silent, occasionally glancing down at me to smile warmly or pat me on the head, but never to say anything.

I wasn’t actually sure if this was normal for her or not though, as we very rarely left the apartment together. I’d always gone to and from school by myself and on weekends and holidays I just stayed in my room, occasionally leaving to hunt down Pristine figurines or new animal documentaries. She spent pretty much all of her time working, either at her office in the city or organising some event for one of her clients, and was only really home on the weekends. Even then she was working, either on her laptop or calling up people and taking down notes. The few times she was actually free she tended to close herself off in her room or go out with friends.

We never went out to eat, or to see a movie, or to go shopping or anything. The only times we were really together was for dinner sometimes, and we barely spoke. She’d ask me how school was and I’d lie and say everything was fine, and I’d ask her how work was and she’d say that it was going good, and that was it.

As I followed her out of the elevator and into the dark cement parking garage, something occurred to me. I’d been living with Linda for seven years now but I knew next to nothing about her. I knew that she worked as a political campaign manager and had been mums best friend, but not much else beyond that. What were her hopes and dreams? Who were her friends? Did she have anyone she was in love with? What was her favourite TV show? What had school been like for her? What did she do for fun? What was her family like? Why didn’t she ever talk about them?
She never shared anything about herself with me. I could tell from living with her though that she was a person who liked things to be neat, organised and under her control. If she told me to do something she expected me to do it and didn’t feel the need to explain why. She was sometimes kind, like when she’d bought me Julia and comforted me when mum had first left. But she could also be cold and cruel, such as how she’d been last night. Most of the time though she was just distant, barely paying me any attention except to acknowledge that I was there and tell me to do something.

We reached her car, a red SUV, and she opened the passenger door for me to crawl inside. It’d been years since I was last in here but everything was pretty much the same as I remembered it. The water bottles in the cup holder, the kitten air freshener hanging from the centre mirror, stacks of old rock CD’s underneath the stereo, work folders littering the backseat and some spare coats in case the weather got to cold. It even smelt the same, a mixture of Linda’s favourite peach-scented perfume and fresh coffee.

I squished around on the leather seat until I was comfortable and then tried to pull the seatbelt down over me, but it kept jarring and refused to come down.

‘Ah! What the hell!’ I growled and tugged angrily at it, then looked at Linda as she closed the driver side door. ‘This thing isn’t working!’

‘Here.’ She leant over and slowly pulled the seatbelt down, then clicked it into place. ‘You have to pull it slowly, remember? Otherwise it just locks up.’

‘I was pulling it slowly.’ I grumbled and then winced as I looked down at myself. The seatbelt’s strap was tight enough that the shapes of my breasts were painfully visible through my shirts fabric. I squirmed around on the seat and tried to put the seatbelt in a position where it didn’t emphasis my chest but I couldn’t find one, and finally gave up with an angry growl.

‘Screw it.’ I muttered and leant back on the seat, my head staring up at the grey ceiling. There was nothing I could do about my chest and right now wasn’t the time to be worrying about it. I did panic for a moment when I wondered if my breasts were visible even without the seatbelt squashed up against my chest, but I shivered and quickly shoved that thought away. It was…scary.

Linda started the car and we slowly exited the parking garage, leaving its damp, dark interior for the city’s far brighter exterior. It wasn’t too bright though, as Winter was fast approaching and the sky was blotted with dark clouds that looked like they were ready to burst. They better not though! I was only wearing a shirt and due to my frail body I got sick very easily. The last thing I needed now was to get the flu. Urgh…
I looked out the window at the passing grey buildings and realised that it was my birthday I six days. The first day of June…the first day of Winter. I was going to be fourteen.

Yay.

Hopefully I’d be living with mum by then. Or at least away from Linda.

It took less than five minutes to get to the library, and the trip there was just as quiet as the trip to the car. Linda muttered to herself once when a car tried to run a yellow light and almost scraped against us, but beyond that she was silent. It was making me incredibly anxious and as soon as she parked outside the library I immediately began taking off my seatbelt.

The library was a three-storey tall blue building with two large black wooden doors at the front, and while it was overshadowed by the mall next to it there were still quite a few people inside. The front wall was made out of glass and I could see people moving inside, sitting at the study desks or going through the aisles of books. I didn’t see Lilah anywhere, much to my relief.

‘Thanks for the lift.’ I smiled quickly at Linda and then opened the door. ‘I’ll be home in a couple of hours.’

‘Remember to take the bus home.’ She said as I got out of the car. ‘And try to stay warm, okay? I don’t want you getting sick.’

‘I’ll be okay.’ I said and began closing the door. ‘See you later.’

‘Bye sweetie.’ she said with a smile that reached her blue eyes. ‘Have fun today, okay?’

‘I will!’ I nodded and closed the door, then watched as Linda slowly drove back into the traffic and disappeared in the sea of cars.

Relief exploded through me and a savage grin lit up my face. I’d done it! I’d managed to act like everything was fine and made it to the library! Hah! Screw you Linda, you asshole! I was about to email mum and tell her everything you’d done to me, and when she read it then you were screwed! She was going to destroy you! You were probably going to end up in jail or fined or something equally as bad!

I laughed excitedly and rushed to the library entrance, slipping through one of the doors after a young couple exited it. It was freezing outside, but as soon as I entered the interior warmth embraced me and the pleasant buzz of people talking softly lit up my ears. The help desk was just in front of me and an elderly man was standing behind it. To my right were a few comfortable-looking green couches with a few people sitting on them and reading books, and beyond that was the main section of the library, with the study booths alongside the windowed wall and the long rows of books opposite it. The whole area was large and spacious, so that even though there were probably thirty-odd people milling around it still didn’t look crowded.

To the left was a table with a bunch of pamphlets on it and some posters about various events being held at the library in the coming few weeks. I ignored that though and began to walk up to the help desk. The elderly man smiled as I approached and I smiled back, preparing myself to talk to him. There were a lot of computers on the second floor for people to use, but you needed to get permission from the staff to use them. I wasn’t too wo-

‘Jake!’

I jumped in shock and turned to see Lilah rushing over to me from one of the study blocks, dressed in a long-sleeved red shirt and tight black jeans. Her hair was held back in a tight ponytail and her face was surprisingly pale, completely free of makeup. A few people looked at her in surprise as she rushed past but she ignored them and stopped in front of me with a massive grin.

‘You actually came!’ she said and smiled widely. ‘Holy crap. I was half-expecting you not to come.’

‘Yeah…’ I said uncomfortably, not sure how to tell her that I wasn’t going to do the shoot with her anymore. It was probably better to tell her right away, but…I wasn’t a strong person. ‘H-how are you?’

‘I’m good. Really good!’ she looked down at me and her eyes widened. ‘Oh my god. You look almost exactly like your mum now, without those stupid glasses on. Did you wash your hair? Can I touch it?’ I began to say no but she put her hand through the side of my hair before I could even open my mouth. ‘Whoa! It’s so silky! I-’

‘Ow!’ I yelped as she ripped through a tight knot, then turned red as a boy around our age frowned at me from one of the study booths.
‘Huh? You didn’t brush it?’ Lilah asked and pulled her hand away. ‘Well, no biggie. Erin’ll take care of it.’

‘Who?’

‘Oh! She’s my friend, she’s going to be doing our make-up and taking our pictures.’ Lilah put her hands on her hips and looked me over. ‘She’s going to love you. She has a thing for…for…’

‘For what?’ I asked uncomfortably as her eyes flitted away from my chest, and her cheeks reddened slightly.

‘Well, she’s a lesbian too, and…you know.’

‘I’m not a girl.’ I said flatly.

‘I know! That’s why she’ll love you.’ Lilah smirked.

‘What?’ I asked and she looked at me, her eyes shining. She clearly wanted to say something but after a moment she shook her head and sighed.

‘Nothing. I was gonna ask y-but no. Nevermind.’

I was curious about that but there were more important things to think about right now, like emailing mum. The sooner I did that the sooner I could properly relax and figure out what to do about Lilah and the shoot. ‘Umm…I need to use one of the computers here, so I’m just going to talk to tha-’

‘Oh, here!’ She reached into her bag and pulled out a slim silver laptop. ‘You can use this! I charged it before I left and it’s already synched up with the wifi here if you need to use the internet.’

‘Is that okay?’ Using her laptop would be much easier than using one of the library’s computers, but I was worried about her seeing the message that I was going to send to mum.

‘Yeah! What do you need it for?’ she asked, sitting down on one of the couches and opening up the laptop.

‘I just have to email someone.’ I sat down next to her and looked around at the other couches. There was a mother with a baby sitting to our left, reading a cute little book about farm animals, and to our right was a bony young man staring lazily around the area, his hair cut close to his gaunt skull. His eyes met mine and a strangely smug smile appeared on his face, making me quickly look away. I didn’t want him to think I wanted his attention.

‘Who do you need to email?’ Lilah asked as she turned on her laptop. Her background showed a girl with red hair that I’d never seen before, and Lilah glared at it before opening up an internet browser.

‘Nobody important. Just a friend.’ I lied as she put the laptop down on my lap. I didn’t want to mention that I was emailing mum, as I knew she’d get excited about it and ask me a ton of questions. ‘Thankyou!’

‘No problem.’ she smiled and looked at me in silence for a moment before speaking eagerly. ‘So, can I ask you something? About your mum?’
I started guiltily. Crap. ‘Oh, s-sure. What do you want to know?

‘How old is she?’ she asked, her eyes digging into mine. ‘She says that she’s only twenty-four but there’s no way that’s true, right? Because you’re fourteen, aren’t you? Same as me?’

‘I turn fourteen in a few days.’ I said as I went to my email host and began to log in. ‘But yeah, mum’s twenty-four. She had me and my sister when she was ten.’

‘What? You have a sister?’ Lilah gasped.

‘Yeah…’ I said slowly, looking up and frowning as a small bout of light-headedness ran through me. I rubbed my forehead and grunted softly, feeling annoyed for some reason. ‘She lives with my grandparents though so I haven’t seen her since mum left.’

‘Oh.’ Lilah said and leant back on the couch, then immediately leant forward again. ‘Wait, so who’s your dad then? Was he ten years old too when you were born?’

‘No, he was like thirty or something.’ I said and a cold shiver ran through me. I really didn’t want to be talking about this.

‘Thir-what?’ Lilah said and her voice fell. ‘Oh. Oh my god.’

‘Yeah.’ I swallowed, tapping my hand against the side of the laptop. I was feeling more annoyed by the second and my chest was starting to hurt for some reason.

‘Shit.’ Lilah said quietly and ran a hand through her hair. ‘No wonder your mum never talks about you or your sister then.’

My head snapped around to stare intently at her, a freezing hand clutching at my stomach. ‘What?’

‘W-well, you know…’ she said and shifted about awkwardly on the couch, her blue eyes darting around the room.

Because you’re his son! Why do you think?

I flinched as mum’s voice echoed in my memory and stared desperately at Lilah. ‘I don’t know! What do you mean?’

‘Nothing. Don’t worry about it.’

‘No. Tell me!’ I grabbed her hand, something inside me desperate to hear what she’d meant. An old memory was clawing at the back of my mind and trying to get my attention, but I couldn’t focus on it properly. It kept slipping away when I tried to look at it.

Lilah looked at my hand on hers and then shrugged weakly, looking extremely uncomfortably. ‘Well, because…she was raped, right? And you and your sister are…are…because of that.’

‘So?’

She gritted her teeth and looked down at her lap, her hand tensing in mine. ‘Aww shit! Okay…so, if I was raped and got pregnant then I wouldn’t want to keep the kids. I don’t know if I’d be able to get an abortion but I’d definitely put them up for adoption! Having them around would just be a constant reminder of what happened to me and I couldn’t deal with that. I mean like, I might keep a girl but probably not a boy. I know that sounds super bad! But I’d be scared of him growing up and looking like his dad, you know? I’d be constantly reminded…’

My vision blurred and Lilah’s words were drowned out by a sharp siren that dug down into the deepest parts of my mind and ripped out a pile of memories that vomited all over me.

I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t! I look at him and I see his dad staring back at me with his fucked up eyes! They’ve got the same dead eyes and sick mind! He’s going to be just like him when he grows up!

You can look after him! I don’t want to see him anymore. Fuck it! Now that Ada’s g-gone I don’t have any reason to stay here.

I need to start over and I’m not going to fuck over my future just for his son! Fuck that! Fuck him!

Don’t touch me!

Stop looking at me like that!

Get the fuck away from me!

A sharp pain exploded in my chest and a high-pitched gasp ripped itself out of my mouth. I shook my head as dark tendrils began to creep into my vision and I clutched at my head. ‘No! No no no no no no no. That’s not real! She loves me! You’re lying!’

‘What?’ Lilah asked and I grabbed her hand with my other one and stared up at her, my eyes starting to tear.

‘Mum loves me!’ I cried and squeezed her arm. ‘She doesn’t hate me! Why would you say that?’

‘Huh? I didn’t say that!’ Lilah said, her eyes wide. ‘Why do yo-’

‘It’s not true!’ I snapped and tugged on her arm, my hands shaking. ‘She loves me, right? She has to come and save me!’

‘O-okay.’ Lilah stammered pulled her arm out of my grasp, then gasped as I sobbed and started to cry. ‘Whoa! Hey, don’t cry! It’s okay!’

‘She doesn’t hate me, does she?’ I asked desperately, angrily wiping my eyes. ‘I didn’t do anything to her!’

‘Of course she doesn’t hate you.’ Lilah said comfortingly and grabbed my hands. ‘You said she emails you sometimes, yeah? And she calls you? She wouldn’t do that if she hated you!’

‘But she’s stopped calling me and she barely ever emails me!’

‘That’s because she’s super busy!’ Lilah smiled and squeezed my hands. ‘She probably wants to contact you but doesn’t have the time. Being a model is really time-intensive, you know? She has to keep her body in shape and keep making network connections, as well as all of the shoots she has to be in! I bet she’d definitely contact you more if she could!’

‘R-really?’ I asked as my voice broke, and Lilah nodded. ‘But she said she’d come back home years ago but she hasn’t!’

‘I bet that was because she didn’t have enough money to be able to support you.’ Lilah said knowingly. ‘All of her contacts are in America so if she moved back here she it wouldn’t be as easy for her to get work. She’s probably saving up a ton of money so she can come back and look after you without having to worry about work and stuff!’

‘That…that makes sense.’ I sniffed.

‘It does. You know, I bet she’d love to talk to you more but she just can’t.’

She smiled encouragingly and I smiled weakly back, the pain in my chest lessening somewhat. Lilah knew way more about mum than I did right now, so if she said she wanted to talk to me then that had to be true! Those memories were just…wrong, or s-

No! No! They weren’t memories! Mum would never say such horrible things to me! Those were nightmares, bad dreams that I was remembering for some reason. Sometimes I thought that she hated me because she’d left and hadn’t come back , and I’d probably had a lot of nightmares about it when I was younger. But they weren’t true! Mum loved me. Of course she did! She was my mum!

I was just thinking weird things because I was under so much stress from Linda. And once I emailed her then she’d come and save me and everything would be okay again! Yeah!

Ugh, what had I been thinking? Mum didn’t hate me! What a stupid thing to be thinking.

Lilah squeezed my hands again and pulled out a small packet of tissues from her pocket, then handed one to me. I gratefully took it from her and blew my nose, the worst parts of my despair fading away.

‘I-I’m sorry.’ I said miserably as embarrassment settled over the other emotions I’d been feeling.

‘Don’t be!’ Lilah said and gave me another tissue as I wiped my face clan with the first one. ‘I can completely understand why talking about…that stuff…would upset you so much. Especially with your mum being in another country for so long!’

‘Yeah…’ I swallowed and blew my nose, then impulsively leant over and hugged her in a wave of affection. I was too numb to feel anything other than comfort from her warmth, but that was completely fine with me. ‘I’m sorry! Thank you!’

‘It’s okay!’ Lilah said and hugged me back, shifting her legs so that the laptop didn’t fall onto the ground. She rubbed my back for a moment and then leant away, her eyes soft and kind. ‘We don’t have much time though, it’s nearly twelve thirty. Are you okay to finish your email and then go to the modelling studio?’

‘Y-yeah.’ I said, unable to say no to the shoot now, not after she’d been so nice to me. I owned her that much…

‘Okay.’ She softly patted me on the head and then slipped the laptop back onto my lap. ‘I’m just going to quickly go to the toilet, but I’ll be back in a minute!’

‘Thankyou!’ I said again, even though it didn’t fit with what she’d just said. She smiled again and then hurried off to the toilets, at the back of the book aisles.

I swallowed and looked down at the laptop, stretching my fingers to calm them down so I could type properly.

Right! It was time to get to work escaping from Linda.

 

 

 

Synopsis: Jake emails his mum and then, through an unpleasant bout of rain, accidentally reveals his feminized body to Lilah.
 

 

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, then quickly began typing out my message. I was actually feeling better than I had in a long while, now that I’d cried out my frustrations and had Lilah comfort me. My head felt clearer and more focused, less crowded with emotions and uncertainty. This was good because I wanted the message to mum to come across as calm as possible but still have a sense of urgency, so she’d take me seriously and not think that I was making some kind of weird joke or bad attempt at getting her attention. I was unhappily aware that telling someone that my aunt was turning me into a girl wasn’t exactly the most believable of stories, especially without any evidence.

“Mum,
I need help! Aunt Linda is crazy, and she’s trying to turn me into a girl. She’s giving me these tablets that are making me grow up like a girl, and she’s been doing it for years. I look like you now, and I even have breasts! I’m really scared and I don’t know what to do. I hate her! She’s a monster and I can’t live with her anymore!
Please help me. I miss you so much! I know that you’re modelling and are really busy but I need you. Can you please come home? Just for a few days, to get rid of Linda? I don’t know how to contact grandma or grandpa and I know that they hate us but maybe I could stay with them for a bit, with Ada? Just to get away from Linda? I don’t know what else to do. I don’t have any friends. I need you! You’re all I have.
Please, mum. I’m scared. I need you to help me.
I love you.
Jake.”

I finished typing and stared at the message, kind of satisfied with it. There was a lot more I wanted to add to it but I could just fill in the rest later, if she came home. For now I just wanted to let her know what was happening, how I felt about it and get across how much I needed her. I was slightly surprised at how well I’d managed to write it, but writing was always something I’d been good at. English was the only subject at school besides science that I wasn’t failing miserably, and I even enjoyed it to a certain extend. I used to love doing book reports in primary school and had been devastated when we didn’t do them anymore in senior school. Now we just analysed novels and picked apart certain scenes and it wasn’t very enjoyable. It was far better than maths though. Urgh…

I was starting to get worried about what would happen if she didn’t read it though. If she was so busy with her modelling career then she mightn’t have time to check her emails, or she could even have a new email address and never check this one! I was sure that if she saw it then she’d help me, but now I wasn’t so sure that she’d actually see it. Should I tell someone else, just in case? But who?

Maybe a teacher at school? I didn’t get along with hardly any of them though, mainly because most of my grades were abysmal and I didn’t care at all about improving them. When I was in class I was either being bullied by someone or trying my best to pretend I wasn’t there by daydreaming about animals, TV shows or mum. Focusing on schoolwork wasn’t a priority to me. I had no hopes, dreams or ambitions about my future. I had a vague idea about being some kind of biologist and researching platypuses but I didn’t have much of a drive to do that yet. The only thing I wanted was for mum to come home. Until that happened then everything else was just…nothing.

There were a few teachers that I did like though, and who were nice to me, but I always kept my distance from them. I was scared that if I got attached to them then they’d just leave like mum had, and I wasn’t capable of dealing with another loss like that. It was the same as with the nice kids in my class. I didn’t want friends because I was too scared of them leaving me. It was just easier to ignore the kind people and keep to myself, only talking to other students when I had to or when I was retaliating from being bullied.

Loneliness hurt far less than loss did.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes, exhaustion settling into me. Since I’d first spoken to Lilah yesterday my life had been a rollercoaster of horrible emotions and I had no idea what was going to happen to me anymore. My life was falling apart and I had no control over it. If mum didn’t get my message then I was going to have to tell a teacher at school what was happening, if Linda even let me go to school. If not then I’d call the police and hope that they could help. Neither of those options seemed very good though.

Maybe…

I…I could call my da-

‘Just there, right under the ribcage. Can you see it?’ dad said, pointing a scarred finger at Ada’s stomach. ‘That’s where you slip it in.’

‘I don’t want to!’ I shouted and tried to pull my hand free from his grasp but it was impossible. Ada screamed and thrashed about in the rope bindings on my bed but she couldn’t free herself. ‘Dad! Stop it!’

‘No! No!’ Ada sobbed and I dropped the knife in my hand, but dad caught it before it hit the ground.

‘You’re so weak, Jake.’ Dad scowled and shoved the knife back into my hand. ‘Just slip it in and you’ll see…you’ll see it all…’

‘I don’t want to see it.’

‘Ohhh…but I want you to, so badly.’ Dad sighed and began pulling my hand towards Ada’s struggling form. ‘I need you to be special, and special things are only born through death. Tragedy makes gods, and I refuse to have a son who wo-’

‘No! Let me go!’ I screamed, mirroring Ada’s own wails. ‘I don’t want to hurt Ada! Ju-’

YOU KILLED MY DAUGHTER YOU SICK FUCK!

Mum’s enraged face appeared in front of me and I tried to scream but my entire body froze in horror. The world darkened and for a moment I felt like I was floating in an ocean, surrounded by hundreds of images swirling around me. I saw Ada hugging me while I cried, Linda pushing me out of a hospital in a wheelchair, mum sobbing as she hugged me goodbye for the last time, apologising for how she’d treated me, and dad, screaming at mum while being dragged off by police. I saw the day I’d gotten Julia, a gift from Linda to cheer me up after mum left. I sa-

‘Jake!’ a voice asked and I plummeted back down into reality and stared dizzily ahead as the darkness faded into light, revealing Lilah’s frowning face. ‘Jake? Are you okay?’

‘What just…what…’ I muttered and looked around, surprised to see that I was still in the library. I’d…something had happened, I felt like I’d been somewhere else but I couldn’t remember where. I tried to think back to the last few minutes and strange, fragmented images appeared in my head, but when I tried to focus on them they started to disappear. I think I saw mum, and Ada and…Julia? Maybe? I couldn’t feel them properly anymore. If felt like some kind of thick, ethereal wall was falling down between me and the images, cutting them off as effectively as a knife.

And it felt…familiar…like I’d experienced this before. There was an emptiness where the images were, a hole that I couldn’t see but I felt it, just behind the wall. And I knew that hole, that feeling of emptiness. Like an itch that I needed to scratch but I just couldn’t find it.

Where had that wall even come from? Was I doing that? Were those images dreams, or memories? I remembered something about…something…

Ugh! I didn’t remember even pieces of them anymore. What the hell…

‘What’s going on?’ I asked croakily, my throat dry and my stomach sore. I felt like I’d just woken up, sluggish and groggy and just yuck.
‘I don’t know.’ Lilah said worriedly. ‘You were just staring ahead, twitching and muttering to yourself. It was weird!’

‘S-sorry.’ I rubbed my forehead and shook myself slightly, even the wall and hole starting to fade from my mind. ‘I…I guess I fell asleep or I was drifting off or something. I really didn’t sleep too well last night.’

‘Yeah, you’ve got dark lines under your eyes.’ Lilah said, sitting next to me and putting a hand on my arm. The concerned expression on her face made me feel a little better and I smiled, making her smile back. ‘How are you feeling now? Have you had lunch yet?’

‘No. I haven’t eaten since that pizza yesterday.’ That was probably why my stomach was feeling so bad, now that I thought about it. I think that pizza and glass of coke was all I’d had to eat over the past five days. God! No wonder I felt like crap.

‘Seriously? You only ate like one slice of that pizza!’ Lilah gasped. ‘No wonder you’re falling asleep! We need to get something inside of you right away! Quick! Have you finished that email?’

‘Oh! Yeah, I just have to send it.’ I read over the email again and then sent it, my mind too fuzzy to really worry about it now. I’d wait a couple of days for mum to do something, and if nothing happened then I’d talk to a teacher or call the police, depending on what situation I was in. That was all I could think to do right now. ‘Okay! Done.’

‘Great!’ Lilah put the laptop back into her bag and jumped too her feet. ‘Come on! I know a really good juice place in the food court that’ll give you a huge boost of energy!’

‘Juice?’ I asked as I got off the couch. ‘Like apple and stuff?’

‘Not just apples! You can choose whatever you want, they’ve got tons of fruit. I always get a banana and raspberry one with honey.’ Her eyes lit up and she licked her lips. ‘Mmmm…it’s so good…’

‘I’ll get one of those then.’ I smiled, not really knowing what else I’d get. The only fruit I’d ever eaten had been apples and oranges, and only when I absolutely had to.

‘Good! You’ll love it, I promise.’ Lilah grinned as she left the library, and held the door open for me to exit through. A blast of freezing wind assaulted me and I gasped, then hugged myself as an array of shivers assaulted my body.

‘Whoa.’ I said through chattering teeth. ‘It’s so cold!’

‘Yeah. There’s going to be a storm later.’ Lilah frowned at me. ‘Why didn’t you wear a jacket or anything?’

‘I didn’t know it was going to be so cold.’ I said miserably, looking around at the people passing by. They were all dressed appropriately, in coats or jumpers, and a few even had umbrellas out to defend from the slight raindrops falling from the dark sky.

‘You should…’ Lilah said and then trailed off, her eyes staring at my chest. She blinked in surprise and then gave me a weird look that I didn’t understand. ‘Jake?’

‘What?’ I asked and after a moment she quickly looked away, colour flushing into her cheeks.

‘Nothing!’ she bounced forward and began walking to the mall next to the library. ‘Come on, it’ll be warmer in the mall.’

I shivered and looked down at my chest, scared that she’d seen my breasts. Were th-

‘Yah!’ I yelped as an ice-cold drop of rain splattered down my back, quickly followed by another. I looked up just as the clouds tore open and a boom of thunder heralded a massive shower of rain. All around me people started complaining or speaking to each other in surprise, and they began hurrying towards their destinations as the rain became heavier.

I fled after Lilah, keeping my head bowed to keep the worst of the rain off of me. It didn’t help though as the rain was thick and fast. I felt my body becoming drenched just from the short rush to Lilah. She laughed at my shocked expression and grabbed my hand to lead me into the mall’s entrance, which had a small veranda above it.

‘I told you there was going to be a storm later.’ Lilah grinned as she led me through the sliding glass doors. ‘I didn’t think it’d happen so soon though. How wet are you?’

I looked down at myself and choked back a cry as I saw that my shirt was plastered to my body from the rain. My wide hips and small waist were painfully highlighted, as well as my chest. My breasts were…they were…

‘Oh god! D-don’t look!’ I cried and spun away from Lilah, only to come face-to-face with a group of elderly people coming in through the doorway. I squeaked and spun away from them, grabbing my back and hugging it to my chest with wild eyes. Oh fuck oh fuck!

People could see my breasts! My shirt was squashed up against them and had turned see-through from the rain, showing them off as if I was naked! Fist-shaped squishy lumps with…with hard nipples what the fuck!

I stared to panic and stared around the mall’s entrance area, desperate for a place where I could hide. There were far too many people around and so many stores, lining the entrance hall all the way to the large main area with the lifts and elevators. I couldn’t hide in any of the stores, they were clothes and two-dollar stores with way too many people in them. Shit! I needed to go to the toilets, but they were right in t-

‘Jake…’ Lilah grabbed my hand and looked at me with serious eyes. ‘Follow me.’

‘N-no, wait…I gotta…’ I stammered and stared at her in horror. She’d seen my body! She knew…oh no…

‘It’s okay, I’m going to help.’ She said gently and began to lead me up the hallway. ‘I’ve been in your situation before and I know how much it sucks. White shirts and rain don’t mix well for girls.’

‘I-I’m a boy!’ I squeaked and huddled into her as we passed an angry-looking old man.

‘Really.’ She looked at me with a smirk. ‘That’s odd, because that body under your shirt sure doesn’t look like a boy’s body.’

‘W-well, it is.’ I stammered and to my relief saw that she was leading me to the bathrooms next to the elevator.

‘Look, Jake, I’m a lesbian.’ She said quietly. ‘I don’t have a problem with you being trans or wha-’

‘I’m not a transsexual!’ I said louder than I should have. A few people looked at us and I bowed my head, relying on Lilah to lead me. ‘I was born a boy and I’m h-h-I’m fine with it!’

‘You don’t sound so sure of that.’ Lilah smiled crookedly and I glared at her, but didn’t say anything.

What the hell was I supposed to say to that? She was right.

The bathrooms were in a small hallway off from the elevators, and Lilah led me down it and into the women’s one. I began to object but stopped myself, realising that it probably wasn’t a good idea to go into the boys bathroom looking like this. Shit.

The bathroom was quite big with six sinks in the front and the same number of bathroom stalls to the right. The right wall had a white bench lining it and Lilah led me to that, and I dropped myself down and hugged my knees to my chest.

I’d never been into a women’s bathroom before and I felt like some kind of perverted intruder. There was a girl around our age doing her make-up in the mirror but she didn’t even look at Lilah and I, and some of the stall doors were closed with women in them.

‘I shouldn’t be here.’ I said quietly and Lilah shook her head.

‘Yes you should.’ She said and put her bag next to me, then pulled out a long, warm-looking grey coat. It looked very fine, with a silk interior and long sleeves that ended in a soft white cuff. The ends of the coat had a similar white softness around them and there were cinched in the middle ‘Are you okay with wearing this?’

‘Yes! Please!’ It was a girls coat, obviously, but right now I’d wear a potato sack if it’d hide the shape of my body.

‘Okay.’ Lilah nodded. ‘Take off your shirt and then we-’

‘What!’ I shook my head. ‘No!’

Lilah frowned at me and held up some fingers. ‘Okay, one: You’re going to get sick if you keep wearing that, and two: You’re not wearing my good coat over a wet shirt. This cost me two hundred dollars and I’m not going to risk it getting damaged.’

‘Two hundred dollars?’ I stared at the shirt in surprise. ‘That’s crazy!’

‘Really? I thought it was pretty cheap for a coat this good.’ She said and I just stared at her. ‘Anyway, you can either take off your shirt and put this on or go back outside and buy a new shirt. Your choice.’

I looked at the doorway and thought about all of the people out there. So many…and I’d have to talk to one if I was going to buy a shirt…urgh!

‘Fine!’ I rushed over to one of the stalls and got inside, then quickly tore off my stupid soggy shirt. I grabbed some toilet paper and dried myself off, doing my best not to look at my body. Once I was done I cracked the stall door open a bit and put my hand out. ‘Okay! I’m done.’

‘Are you dry?’ Lilah asked and I felt her push against the stall door to come in. I gasped and put my weight against it so she couldn’t get in.
‘Ah! I’m dry! You don’t have to check!’

‘Alright.’ Lilah laughed softly and handed the jacket in. I took it off her and eagerly slipped it on, then then zipped it all the way up. It felt amazing, warm and heavy but smooth and silky on the inside. I’d never worn something that felt like it before and for a moment I just moved my shoulders about, enjoying the sensations that ran through my chest and back. It fit me fairly well, comfortably snug around the shoulders and chest, although it was long enough that it went down to my knees and the curve for where it expected my hips to be was around my thighs. Oh well…it was better than nothing.

I frowned as my breasts became irritated from the silk and I angrily scratched them, wishing I could just rip them off and be done with it. They’d become so problematic in the past few days, and they’d only get worse if I kept taking Linda’s medication. I needed to make sure I didn’t ever take them again, or the injections she was planning on giving me.

And shit…Lilah had seen them. How was I going to explain this to her? I didn’t want to tell her about Linda, that’d take ages and it was way too embarrassing. Although not as embarrassing as her seeing my breasts, which had already happened. Maybe I should just tell her? Could she help somehow?

Or would she just laugh? I still didn’t have a good grasp of her personality. She’d been kind and comforting in the library but when she’d seen my chest she’d been amused and…I don’t know. Kind of annoying. But she had helped me…

I opened the stall and slowly came out, holding the wet shirt my hands. Lilah beamed at me and I smiled back, then stood out of the way as a woman came out of the opposite stall and went to the sinks.

‘Hey! It looks great on you!’ Lilah said, looking me over. ‘It’s a bit big but not too bad. We’ll quickly grab you a shirt on the way to the studio and you can put it on when we’re done.’

‘What should I do with this?’ I held up the shirt and she scratched her cheek.

‘Umm…just throw it out I guess? Unless you want to keep it?’

‘I don’t!’ I went over to the bin near the sink and angrily threw it in. ‘I’m never going to wear white again!’

‘It’s not really a problem if you stay out of the rain. Or wear a bra.’ Lilah said and I winced.

‘I’m never going to wear a bra!’

‘I think you probably should. Your…’ she stopped and looked around the bathroom at the other girls. ‘We should go talk somewhere else. Let’s get you a shirt and some juice.’

‘Okay.’ I followed her outside, my stomach heavy. She obviously had a lot of questions and I didn’t know how I was going to answer them. The urge to just run away from her was starting to grow, but I was wearing her ridiculously expensive coat so I couldn’t. I’d have to just…lie? No, I didn’t want to lie to her. But I didn’t want to tell the truth either!

‘So…’ she said as we wound our way through a crowd of younger kids and got onto the elevator. She looked at me with her sharp green eyes and I swallowed nervously. ‘I’m guessing that you’re a transguy then?’

I blinked. ‘What? No. I told you, I’m not trans.’

‘Are you intersex then?’

‘What’s that?’

‘Umm…’ she looked down at the escalator thoughtfully. ‘It’s where like, someone has both sets of male and female genitalia, I think. But they usually don’t know until they start growing up and their body goes through a different kind of puberty. Uh…maybe! I don’t know much about it, but…are you? Intersex?’

I froze for a moment. That sounded exactly like what I’d though was happening to my body for the last year and a bit. But it couldn’t be, not with how excited Linda had been about my changes. It was too much of a coincidence. If I was intersex then she’d have just said so instead of being vague and weird about it, and not letting me see a doctor.

‘I’m not intersex.’ I said heavily.

‘Then…’ Lilah got off the escalator and looked expectantly at me as I got off as well. We were in front of the foot court and a myriad of different stores greeted us, from delicious chains like McDonalds and KFC to smaller burger and sushi places. The smell was amazing and the pain grew in my stomach as it desperately cried out for sustenance.

‘I’m so hungry…’ I said and began walking towards the KFC, my hunger turning me into a food zombie.

‘The juice place is over here.’ Lilah said, grabbing my hand and leading me over to a side area where a large green storefront was. There were three people lined up outside of it and the fresh smell of oranges and passion-fruit lit up my nose. But it wasn’t enough to wipe away the scent of KFC!

‘I need KFC!’ I tried to turn back but she didn’t let me go.

‘No, you need energy, not fried chicken.’ She said distastefully. ‘It’ll just make you sick and feel all yucky.’

‘But it’s so yummy!’

‘So is this! You’ll thank me once you try it, I promise.’ She pulled me over to the line and held me in place next to her. I glared at her and then started longingly at KFC, knowing that Lilah was right but still wanting the delicious friend chicken anyway. It’d been years since I’d last had KFC and it felt like it’d been years since I’d last eaten as well.

‘So…’

‘What?’ I asked, tearing my eyes away from the KFC storefront to look at her impatient face.

‘If you’re not intersex and you’re not a girl, and you’re not trans, then…what are you?’

‘I told you, I’m a boy!’

‘With a body like that?’

‘Yes.’ I pulled down on the coat and blushed. ‘My body’s…I look like a girl but I have a…thing…so I’m a boy.’

‘But, why does your body look like that?’ She persisted.

‘Because I was stupid.’ I said quietly and she stared intently at me.

‘What do you mean?’

I gritted my teeth and decided to tell her some of the truth in the hopes that it’d stop her questions. ‘Someone convinced me that I was sick and gave me medication, and it turned me into…this.’

‘W-what?’ she said and let out a little laugh, enraging me.

‘It’s not funny!’ I shouted and the people in front of us looked at me in shock, but I ignored them.

‘Sorry! I’m sorry!’ Lilah held up her hands in shock. ‘You’re actually serious?’

‘Yes I’m serious!’ I snapped. ‘Why would I lie about something like that?’

Lilah ran her hands through her hair and stared at me with wide eyes. ‘Someone did this to you? Who?’

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ Standing in line at a juice bar was not the best place to be having this kind of discussion.

Lilah ignored me and continued to ask questions. ‘How long have they been doing it to you for?’

‘Nearly two years. Bu-’

‘And you didn’t realise until…when?

‘A-a few days ago.’ I lied, embarrassed that it took me so long to figure out what was going on.

‘Shit! That’s insane.’ She said with wide eyes. ‘How did you not notice that you were turning into a girl for so long?’

‘I thought it was normal!’ My voice started shaking. ‘Linda told me that I was turning into a girl naturally, that I had some kind of weird body condition, and the medication was supposed to slowly change me into a boy but…but it did the opposite.’

‘Who’s Linda?’

‘Nobody.’ I said quickly, cursing myself for slipping up.

‘Is she your Aunt? That you live with?’ she asked and I winced. She had a way-too-good memory. ‘She’s turning you into a girl? Why?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because I haven’t asked her!’

‘Why not?’

‘Because I’m scared!’ I gasped for air and wiped my eyes, starting to cry. I was so sick of crying! ‘I don’t want to talk about this! Stop asking me questions!’

‘S-sorry! I just wanted to…I….’ She trailed off uncomfortably and I shook my head.

‘I know, I get it. It’s weird but…I just can’t at the moment. I just…’ I rubbed my face and looked up at her. ‘It’s really scary and I don’t know how to deal with it! But I emailed mum and when she sees it she’ll come and make everything better so…so…so there’s nothing be upset about!’
Lilah looked at me pityingly and reached out to hug me. ‘Jake…’

‘Don’t.’ I stepped away from her. ‘I’m fine. I just…you’re right, I really need to eat something healthy. My head’s a mess and I feel like shit and…I just don’t want to talk about this, okay? Please? I just want to have a normal day away from Linda before she…before tonight. Just…just…’

‘This is really serious Jake.’ Lilah said as we moved up in the line. ‘Have you told someone about this? Besides me?’

‘I told you, I emailed mum.’

‘And that’s it?’ Lilah looked at me in surprise. ‘She lives in America, and you said she doesn’t even reply to your emails anymore. She mightn’t even see it!’

‘I told you I don’t want to talk about this!’

‘I know b-’

‘Then please, just stop!’ I begged her. ‘Can we just talk about this later? After the shoot or whatever? I just want to not think about it for a while. It’s been driving me insane and I feel like I’m losing my mind!’

‘…okay.’ She said, although her expression clearly stated that she wasn’t okay with it. ‘We can talk later.’

‘Thankyou.’ I said and rubbed my face again, then turned to the front of the line. I felt strangely pleased with having actually told someone what was going on, but maybe Lilah wasn’t the right person. She asked way too many questions and she seemed to be the kind of person who got involved with other people’s problems.

I think I’d just made a huge mistake.

Or maybe this was one of the smartest things I’d done in a very long time…

Note: Thankyou for reading! Comments and feedback are much appreciated!
I didn't expect to get this out for a while but the antibiotics finally kicked in and my brain went into overdrive and I yeah. Here we go! Hopefully this will answer some of the questions people have had about the story from the beginning , and start to push towards the end of the first part. I've planned to end it at chapter 10 but I might move it out to chapter 11 depending on how things go. This chapter was far longer than I expected it to be. I love writing dialogue and this chapter was full of dialogue and me made me happier than a crab eating a pig ^_^ Scutchuuu Scutchuuu! (That's what a crab sounds like while it eats a pig)

Also I'm still sick so if there's any weird problems or mistakes in this story please let me know because even though everything seems fine to me I'm not exactly at 100% right now. I spent ten minutes talking to a black lump of cuteness that I thought was my cat before going over to hug it and realizing that it was actually one of my shirts. I threw it in the bin because f*ck white shirts.

Even though it was black. Whatever!

 

 

 

Synopsis: Jake lets Lilah take him to the photography studio, but...
 

Author's note: I'm sorry for the incredibly late posting of this. I've been very sick. I don't want to go into too much detail but my immune system isn't great and I have some unpleasant mental health problems that cause me a lot of stress, and when I caught a cold a few weeks ago everything spiraled out of control and...yeah. Very sick Broken Fox. I'm okay now though, for the most part.
So, uh...I'll talk about this story at the end. This is the penultimate chapter of the first part. Thank you so much for reading! Comments and the like are appreciated :)

 

The banana and raspberry juice was amazing, just like Lilah had said it would be. She made sure I got a large one with added honey and as soon as I took my first sip the flavour exploded through me and I couldn’t stop myself from taking a massive gulp of it.

‘I told you it was good.’ she said with a small smile, sipping from her own juice cup. She looked at my chest again and then quickly back up at me. ‘Are you okay with waiting until after the shoot to buy another shirt? I’m worried that we’re going to be late and I really don’t want to keep Erin waiting. She’s probably already at the studio setting everything up.’

‘That’s fine with me. What’s she setting up?’ I asked and followed her back onto the escalator, relieved that she was keeping herself from asking me anything more about my body.

‘Her cameras and make-up.’ She looked at me and smiled tightly. ‘And the…dresses that we’re going to wear.’

‘Ah…’ I stepped awkwardly off the elevator and slowed my pace. I’d been so focused on my body and mum that I’d almost forgotten what was going to happen at the shoot. Crap! After everything that had happened recently, dressing as a girl was one of the last things I wanted to do right now. But I owed Lilah…

She gently moved me out of the way of a fast-moving young couple and looked intently at me, brushing her hair from her eyes. ‘Are you going to be okay with that? Wearing a dress? After…what you just told me? Because I really need you to do this with me.’

I looked away from her and swallowed anxiously. ‘W-well, what’s going to happen exactly? Like, I just wear a dress and we take photos?’

‘That’s basically it, but Erin’s going to do your hair and make-up so you’ll look your best, and she brought some dresses for you to try on as well.’ She looked me over and a delighted grin appeared on her face. ‘You’re going to look just like your mum once she’s finished! A beautiful little mini Elaine just for me.’

I blinked. ‘Just for you?’

‘You’re pretending to be my girlfriend, remember?’ she said with a sly smile, her eyes shining. ‘And I’m very affectionate with cute little girls like you.’

I gasped and turned bright red, my eyes becoming huge. She’d called me a girl but the fact that she’d called me cute was overriding that, much to my surprise. I remembered her hugging me and a small thrill went down my spine. ‘Will we pose like…like holding hands and h-hugging and stuff?’

‘Yep!’ she leant down to whisper in my ear. ‘We might even have to kiss.’

‘Really?’ I squeaked and she laughed at the shocked expression on my face.

‘Yeah. Would you have a problem with that?’

Would I have a problem with that? I looked shyly at her lips, which were amazing even without make-up. They were shiny, lush and plump, well-defined like the rest of her features. Her skin was flawless, her green eyes dark and inviting behind their thick lashes, and her golden hair hung loosely around her heart-shaped face and framed it amazingly.

My heart skipped a beat as I stared at her and a tingling feeling ran down my back. She was incredibly attractive, definitely someone who’d be able to have a career as a model. I…I did want her to kiss me!

My face burned as I imagined her leaning down to kiss me, her soft lips rubbing up against mine as she ran a strong hand down my side and pulled me into her. Warmth flooded my whole body and cente-

‘Wagh!’ I cried out as I slammed face-first into a haggard-looking businessman’s stomach. I bounced off him and crashed onto my butt, the juice cup hurtling from my hands and splashing against a side wall between two stores. ‘Ah! No!’

‘Sorry.’ the man muttered, barely looking at me as he continued on. He was so large that me slamming into him was probably on par to a fly splatting against a windshield. I was tempted to glare at him but it wasn’t his fault he’d run into me, it was mine. Shit! I’d gotten way too lost in my stupid imagination…

‘Are you okay?’ Lilah asked, kneeling down next to me. She looked concerned but her lips kept twitching like she was about to laugh, and I didn’t blame her.

‘I’m fine.’ I said and she offered me her hand, which I gratefully took. She easily helped me to my feet and I brushed off the coat while avoiding the glances of curious passer-by’s. I looked at my spilt juice and a pang of loss ran through me. It’d tasted so good and I’d barely even drunk half of it! What a waste…

‘You really got lost in your head there for a minute, huh.’ Lilah said and I nodded miserably. ‘What were you thinking about?’

‘N-nothing.’ I said quickly, but a knowing grin appeared on her face.

‘Were you thinking about me?’

‘No!’

‘Sure you weren’t.’ she grinned and grabbed me by the sides, making me squeal. ‘You were thinking about me kissing you, were-’

‘I wasn’t!’ I cried and reflectively escaped her grasp, even though her hands had felt really nice on my sides. ‘I was just thinking about the shoot.’

‘Really.’ Her expression became serious. ‘Are you going to do it with me then?’

All I could think about was her kissing me, so I nodded immediately. ‘Yes! I’ll do it!’

She smiled excitedly and grabbed my hand in hers, making my heart jump excitedly. ‘Thankyou! You have no idea how much this means to me Jake! If we win this competition then it’ll be a huge boost to my future career as a model, and even if we don’t I can still put the photos in my portfolio and show them off to agencies.’

I blinked in surprise, realising that I’d never actually asked why she wanted to join the competition so badly before. ‘You want to be a model? Like mum?’

‘Yeah! Just like your mum.’ She squeezed my hand and then began walking, leading me by the hand through the busy mall hallway. ‘She’s my idol, remember? But I was interested in modelling even before I found out about her. Everyone’s always told me that I’d be good at modelling because of my looks, and I love getting my picture taken and wearing nice clothes. I just never really took it seriously until I found some of your mums pictures online and realised that I wanted to be like her.’

We entered the large open area at the back of the mall where the cinemas where, and the smell of fresh popcorn and ice cream made my stomach once again grumble unhappily.

‘She inspired me.’ Lilah continued as we weaved through a large group of teenagers waiting to buy tickets. ‘It was like…do you ever have those moments where you see someone and everything just clicks? You see them doing something you’ve wanted to do and you suddenly realise that they’re who you want to be, they’re living the life you want to live. Everything takes on a new kind of meaning and you get more focused and driven and excited! It’s like when someone’s first starting out at a type of sports and they see a professional player on TV. Like a boy our age seeing a pro footballer and being inspired by them or something, you know?’

‘I…yeah? Like having a hero?’

‘Yeah!’ She smiled brightly. ‘Do you have anyone like that? Someone who inspires you?’

‘No.’ The only person who really stood out to me was mum, and that was just because I wanted her to come home. She hadn’t really inspired me, and I didn’t see her as a hero. If she saved me from Linda then she was just saving me from a situation she’d caused by leaving me in Linda’s care…

A sick, bitter feeling appeared in my stomach as I thought that and I gritted my teeth, pushing it away. I didn’t need to be thinking things like that! What Linda was doing to me wasn’t mums fault, it was Linda’s. And mine for being too stupid to realise it in time. Mum hadn’t done anything.

That was exactly the problem though! She hadn’t done anything! If sh-

No! She was working hard as a model to make lots of money and support us, like Lilah had said! She was doing something! But…

But still…it hurt…

I sighed miserably and Lilah thankfully didn’t continue the conversation, just smiled tightly and led us out of the mall and into the parking lot. It was raining heavier than before and even through the thick coat I could feel the coldness of the day. People were running to and from their cars with their hands over their heads or huddled under umbrellas, and some were just hanging around the entrance waiting for the downpour to lessen.

‘Will we be able to get to the studio without getting wet?’ I asked as I looked around the soaked parking lot. There were some old buildings across from it but I’d never come out this way before so had no idea where anything was. All I knew was that there weren’t any stores that had Pristine figurines out here, and that was enough information for me.

‘Nah, but it’ll be fine.’ Lilah said confidentially. ‘We’ll get a little wet but we can clean ourselves off once we get to the studio.’

‘Where is it?’

‘Just follow me.’ She grinned and began to jogging out into the parking lot.

I gasped but she was still holding my hand and wouldn’t let go, so I was forced to hurry along with her out into the downpour. Her legs were longer than mine so I had to almost run to keep pace with her, but to my relief it didn’t take that long to reach the other side of the carpark and cross the road over to the buildings. I was wet but not as badly as I had been before, and the coat was still keeping me relatively warm.

‘There we go!’ Lilah beamed and patted my soggy hair. ‘I told you it’d be fine.’

‘I wasn’t really worried…’ I muttered and looked curiously around at the buildings.

Some of them looked to be closed down and the ones that weren’t didn’t seem to have any customers at all. I could see old carpet stores, lonely looking op shops, warehouses, buildings with empty windows and a broken ATM machine. It was surprising how empty this area was considering how busy the mall was, and looking back at it across the carpark it almost seemed like another world.

‘There’s a photo studio around here?’ I asked dubiously but Lilah nodded energetically.

‘Yeah! It’s not too far, don’t worry.’ She increased her grip on my hand and led me down a small alley between an op shop and a deserted pet store.

Another array of buildings greeted us but I didn’t get time to look at them as we went down another alley and then turned into an even smaller one that led to a dead end. On either side of us were the backs of large warehouses and a rather desolate black van was parked up against the end, in front of a battered wire fence looking out into a large green field.

‘It’s around here?’ I frowned, looking for some kind of entrance along the backs of the buildings. All I could see was grey cement walls and rusty dumpsters. There was an alcove a few feet away but I couldn’t see into it, and it didn’t look like it led into a photo studio.

Lilah looked at me and then smiled crookedly, her head tilting to the side. ‘It’s not here.’

I blinked in surprise. ‘Oh! Are you lost?’

‘No.’ A wide grin lit her face and she twirled around me so that I was pulled to face the way we’d just come into the alley. Her eyes shone with a strange excitement and my heart skipped a beat. ‘Sorry! I lied! But I did a pretty good job of it, huh?’

‘W-what?’ I stared at her in shock and then tried to pull my hand out of hers, but she increased her grip and grabbed my other hand too. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Don’t be mad! I didn’t lie about everything, just about the competition and the studio.’ She squeezed my hands and leant down so that our faces were eye to eye. I tried to pull away but she wouldn’t let me, her eyes huge and excited. ‘Your mum really is my idol, Lain. And one day, you’re going to be my idol too.’

I froze as time seemed to slow down for a moment and her words echoed in my ears.

Lain…

Lain.

Lain! She called me Lain! What the fuck?!

My stomach dropped and I tried to tear myself out of her grip, but she wouldn’t let go. ‘Why did you c-’

‘You’re late.’ a woman’s voice said from behind me and I choked as a piece of black fabric was thrown over my mouth. I screamed into the fabric and tried to turn around, but Lilah wouldn’t let go of my arms and I felt the fabric pulled into a tight knot at the back of my head.

‘Sorry. We got caught up when it started raining.’ Lilah said to the stranger, her expression becoming more serious. ‘Did you know that he knows about the hormones Linda is giving him?’

‘Really? I didn’t think Linda had told him yet.’ the stranger said as she finally stepped into view. She was a tall, lean woman of Asian descent with short black hair, sharp facial features and pale green eyes that dispassionately looked me over.

‘She didn’t tell him! He figured it out on his own.’ Lilah said and looked at me with a tight smile.

The woman snorted and pulled a white strip of plastic from her grey jacket’s pocket. ‘Not surprising. Linda always was a terrible liar. I knew we should have taken him sooner, or force her to talk to him before now.’

Lilah pushed my hands together so the woman could bind them up in the white plastic strip, ignoring my panicked attempts to get free. They were both far stronger than me and were able to hold me still with ease.

‘It’s okay Lain.’ Lilah said softly as she turned me around to face the van. She smiled apologetically and patted me on the head. ‘We’re not going to hurt you. We just need to take you to your new home, okay? You’re going to meet Rach!’

I stared at her in horror and she grimaced.

‘You’re wasting your breath. She doesn’t know who Rach is.’ The woman muttered darkly as she put a hand on my shoulder and began to slowly walk me to the black van at the end of the alley. ‘Linda really fucked this up. We’ve only got a month before the school starts and this kid doesn’t even know anything! Bloody hell. We should have taken him months ago, not now! This is going to be a shit show. Jesus Christ…’

I let out a muffled yell and tried to pull away from her but Lilah appeared on my other side and held me steady, and even when I dug my feet into the ground they both still dragged me forward. I continued to struggle but it was futile, and the closer we got to the van the more scared I got. What the hell was going on?!

Lilah opened the side of the van and before I could even look at the dark interior properly I was hauled up by the older woman and pushed inside. I stumbled in and fell onto the carpeted floor as Lilah jumped in next to me and slammed the door shut. My eyes quickly adjusted and I could see that the back wall had a long cushion set into its back underneath a row of black meshing, and there were some loose boxes lying around. There was a black sheet blocking the front seats from view, and the back was empty.

‘Okay!’ Lilah said and pulled me up onto one of the cushions, and sat down next to me. I tried to get off but she once again held me steady. I glared at her and she turned red and looked away, biting her bottom lip. ‘Look, I know you’re scared but don’t worry. We’re seriously not going to hurt you! This is just the only way that we could get you to come with us. I think. I know it seems a bit extreme but it’ll make sense once you get to Rach’s! She said she was going to call Linda and finally have her explain everything to her so…so yeah! Don’t worry!’

I tried to ask her what was going on but all I could do was make weird moaning sounds through the fabric. She looked sadly at me and then at the front of the van, where the woman was brushing the sheet aside and coming in.

‘Hold him steady, okay?’ she told Lilah and my eyes bulged as I saw that she was holding a needle in her hands. I screamed and tried to thrash out of Lilah’s grip but the woman knelt down in front of me and grabbed my hands, her eyes cold and unsympathetic. ‘Don’t struggle. This is just going to knock you out for a couple of hours, nothing more. And when you wake up you’ll be safe and sound in your new room, and Linda will be there to explain everything.’

I shook my head and stared in horror at the needle. I did not what that thing anywhere near me! And I didn’t want to wake up in a new room, or see Linda! Oh god!

With a strangled breath I leant back, and then jumped forward with as much force as possible. This caught the woman by surprise and my head smashed into her face with a sickening crunch. She cried out in pain and I dived to the van door, but before I could reach it she wrapped her hand around my neck and slammed me down on the van floor, her face a mask of rage.

‘You little shit!’ she snarled and punched me in the shoulder, so hard that tears stung my eyes and I screamed loud enough to almost overcome the cloth in my mouth.

‘What are you doing! Don’t hurt her!’ Lilah cried but didn’t do anything to stop the woman, just warily stared at her.

‘Him! It’s a boy for fucks sake!’ the woman spat and grabbed me by the hair to keep my head steady. ‘This is such a fucked up situation! You’re all insane, you know that? Fucking retards!’

Lilah swallowed and looked like she was about to cry, but she ran her hands through her hair and took a steadying breath. ‘We’re not insane. You just don’t understand what we’re trying to do.’

‘Yeah, no shit I don’t. Fuck!’ the woman sneered and bit off the needle’s cap, then kneed me in the stomach as I began to thrash around in terror. ‘Stop moving you idiot! Or do you want me to accidentally stab you in the eye?’

I whimpered and froze as she lowered the needle to my neck. I tried to beg her to stop but nothing came out, and she looked so angry that I don’t think anything I said would have stopped her. The needle sunk into the side of my neck and I shivered, feeling like I was about to throw up. Lilah patted me gently on the head and I looked tearfully up at her, but she quickly looked away.

After what felt like an hour, the woman finally pulled the needle out and let go of my hair. I moaned and tried to go for the van door, but Lilah put her arms under my shoulders and hauled me onto the cushion again, then wrapped her arms around me. I blinked as a heavy wave of exhaustion swept through me and I stopped trying to get out of her grip.

‘Keep a tight hold of him, yeah?’ the woman said as she put the needle in one of the boxes. ‘The last thing I need is for him to be bouncing around back here while we drive. Rach would kill me.’

‘I know.’ Lilah said, increasing her hold around me. Her voice sounded like it was coming from so far away…

‘It’ll be an hour until we get there so...she’ll give…Linda wasn’t going to…’

My hearing was slipping in and out so I couldn’t hear what the woman was saying, and before I could even stop it my eyelids slammed shut and unconsciousness tugged at me. I whimpered and tried to force them open but it was too hard, I was too exhausted. What…

What…

Julia…

To be continued.

Author's note: Thankyou for reading! Now, I wrote half of this while I was a bit sick and the other half when i was getting better, so if you notice a change in quality then I apologize. It's hard to tell if I'm working at 100% mentally at the moment.
This is the penultimate chapter of the first part, with the last chapter already pretty much written

 

 

 

Synopsis: Jake wakes up in a strange bed and finally finds out what's going on with his mum and why Linda is doing what she's doing
 

Author's note: So, this is the final part of the first part! And I feel like it could even serve as the end of the whole story, kind of. So in a way, this is actually the first story that I've ever finished! Woo! Hooray for me ^_^
Kinda >.>
I'll add more at the end, but for now I just want to thank you all so much for reading this. The comments and messages I get are a constant source of inspiration and give me the confidence to continue :) So gimme more :P If you think I deserve it.

 

‘Is he awake yet? It’s been five hours.’

I stirred in my sleep and groaned softly, so tired that all I could think about was how warm and comfortable I was. It felt like I was in a bed, with heavy sheets squashing me down onto a pleasantly soft mattress, and I could feel Julia’s fluffy body snuggled up against my chest.

I wondered briefly where I was, as my bed wasn’t nearly as comfortable as this one was, but my thoughts were already fading away. Why had I even woken up?

‘Jake? Are you awake sweetie?’

That was Linda’s voice! Huh…was I in her bed? I’d never slept in her bed before, but it looked really comfortable. She hated me being in her room though. Why wo-

‘Sweetie?’ I felt her pick me up under the shoulders and lift me into a kneeling position for some reason. I moaned unhappily and tried to slap her away, causing Julia to fall from my grasp. I gasped and tried to grab for her but my hands were too stiff and tired. ‘Jake?’

‘Wasgoenon…’ I mumbled, my mouth dry and painful. I slowly opened my heavy eyes and winced at the sudden light, snapping my eyes shut again. ‘Oww!’

I rubbed my eyes and slowly opened them again. Linda’s concerned face slowly came into focus, and behind her was an unfamiliar room. Its walls were a light pink, same as the ceiling, but the carpeted floor was a dark black. There was a long full-length mirror directly behind us and it seemed like it’d slide open into a walk-in wardrobe. Beyond that, there was an elegant brown desk with another mirror set into its wooden backing, and a comfortable-looking cream couch set into the back corner. There were no windows though so it was impossible for me to tell what time it was, but the ornate glass chandelier in the centre of the ceiling was giving off so much light that it felt like it was midday.

My thoughts were slow and sluggish, making it hard to think clearly. I felt like I was forgetting something really important but it was so hard to find the energy to follow up on that and remember. All I wanted to do was collapse back on the bed and go back to sleep.

I turned back to look at Linda and was dully surprised to see that she looked exhausted. Her usually neat hazel hair was a mess, with strands sticking out at the top and sides, and her eyes were dark and tired. Her complexion was unnaturally pale too, almost like she was sick.

‘Where…’ I began and swallowed painfully. God, I was so thirsty. And hungry! When had I last eaten?

‘Can you get us some water?’ Linda asked, turning to look at the entrance to the room. I followed her gaze and was surprised to see a tall young woman standing in the open doorway, dressed in a tight black dress with a white apron tied around it. She had thick black hair pulled into a tight ponytail with two strands falling on either side of her handsome face, and a pair of silver-rimmed glasses covered her dark eyes. I thought for a moment that she was a maid, but that seemed silly.

‘Should I get some food too?’ she asked softly and Linda nodded. ‘Okay. I’ll return in five minutes.’

She looked at me for a moment, an unreadable expression on her face, and then she was gone. I stared blankly after her for a moment, wondering if she was some kind of secretary. Was I somehow at Linda’s work?

‘What’s going on?’ I asked carefully, licking my dry lips. ‘Where am I?’

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, running her hands through her hair and making it even messier. ‘Do you remember what you were doing before you came here?’

I frowned and forced myself to think back to…to the library? I was in the library because I needed to message mum ab-

Message mum about Linda tricking me into taking hormones! Oh god!

My memories of the past few days crashed into my head like a tsunami and my eyes widened with horror. I’d been kidnapped! Lilah had lied to me! Why? What was going on?

I stared at Linda with wide eyes and the now-familiar surge of anger rose inside of me. What the hell was she doing here!? Was she behind me being kidnapped?

‘What’s going on?’ I demanded and looked around the room, seeing that the secretary lady had left the door open. Maybe I could escape out there if Linda really had kidnapped me. I could try and find a police station and they’d arrest her and call mum to come and save me!

I quickly looked away from the door and down at my lap in case Linda realised what I was thinking. It’d be bad if sh…she…she…she…

For the first time since waking up I noticed what I was wearing, and my mind went blank for a moment. I was dressed in a pink silk nightdress, one that ended just above my pale knees. It was tight enough to clearly show off my feminised body and had a purple hem underneath small pink frills. The small sleeves had a similarly decorated hem, and the v-neck had a lining of purple going along it as well. There was even a large, even circle of purple running around my hips.

It was very pretty, and I vaguely noticed that it felt nice too. I’d never worn anything this tight before, or something made out of silk, and it was amazing. But…

But…

I gritted my teeth as a scared whimper threatened to escape my lips. Linda had kidnapped me! This was exactly what I’d been scared of! Her forcing me to dress as a girl and locking me up in some random place where nobody knew where I was and making me her stupid Lain thing, her star! Well, I wasn’t going to let her! Fuck!

I dived off the bed and landed awkwardly on my feet, then stumbled forward and rushed to the doorway. I’d hoped to take Linda off guard but she moved as soon as I did, easily beating me to the door and slamming it shut.

‘Jake! Wait!’ she said loudly, her eyes wide with surprise.

I gasped and tried to stop myself from running, but my momentum threw me forward and I landed in a miserable heap at her feet. The carpet was thick enough to cushion my weight but I landed painfully on my hand, making me cry out.

‘Ah! Are you okay?’ Linda knelt down and reached out to touch me, but I slapped her hand away with a snarl.

‘Don’t touch me!’ I screamed and scrambled away from her. I crawled backwards until I crashed into the mirrored desk, and then glared up at the monster in front of me. A thick wave of hatred stronger than anything I’d ever felt before consumed me and without even deciding to do it I was suddenly screaming at Linda. ‘I hate you! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HA-’

My words ended in a pained whimper as my already-sore throat burned in agony. I coughed and spluttered unhappily, feeling like I did when I’d had tonsillitis as a child. Linda began to come near me and I hissed painfully at her, squashing myself up against the wall. To my shock she actually looked hurt, something I’d never seen her be before. Her bottom lip was trembling and her eyes were red and wet.

‘Jack…’ She swallowed, rubbing an unshed tear from her eye. ‘Please don’t say that.’

‘It’s true! I hate you! I know what you’re doing to me!’ I said croakily, clenching my hands into fists. ‘You lied to me! You’re turning me into a girl on purpose!’

Linda came closer and knelt down a few feet away from her, looking devastated. ‘I know, and I’m so sorry sweetie…’

‘I don’t care!’ I snarled and unsteadily got to my feet, brushing down the hem of the stupid nightdress. ‘I emailed mum about it before and she’s going to tell the police and they’re going to come and arrest you! You’re going to jail! Mum’s going to come and she’s going to save me from you and we’re going to live together in America and you’ll be in jail!’

Linda grimaced and looked sadly at me. ‘She’s not coming, Jake. She’s never going to come.’

I stomped my foot in rage. ‘Shut up! Yes she is! She has to! I emailed her!’

‘That email…’ Linda ran her hands through her hair and got up as well. ‘That’s my email. She gave it to you so you’d think you were talking to her, and told me to reply to your messages pretending to be her.’

I froze, and then violently shook my head. ‘That’s not true! You’re lying again!’

‘I’m not. I got your email as soon as you sent it. I can show it to you on my phone if you want.’

‘No! You’re lying.’

‘Jake, si-’

Linda cut off as there was a soft knock on the door, and we both looked to see it open to reveal the secretary. She had a glass of water in one hand and a plate with a sandwich in the other, which my eyes immediately focused on. Despite my anger my attention was momentarily absorbed by the sandwich, which looked amazing. It had what looked to be a chicken breast covered in cheese and mayonnaise, with tomatoes and peeking out from underneath it. My stomach growled desperately and I took an unconscious step towards the girl.

And then stopped in my tracks as an unfamiliar woman entered the room, brushing past the secretary like she wasn’t even there. She looked to be in her late twenties and had a round, tired face that was very pretty. Her long blonde hair flowed around her thin shoulders and was held out of her eyes by a pair of black metal hair clips in the shape of a crow. She was wearing a neat white dress that emphasized her generous chest, and had on a pair of white high heels.

‘I take it things aren’t going well?’ she asked Linda with a wry smile.

‘I told you they wouldn’t!’ Linda snapped and glared at the woman. ‘Did you really think kidnapping him and drugg-’

‘You kidnapped me?’ I gasped and stared at the woman in surprise. Did…did that mean Linda didn’t have anything to do with it? ‘Why?’

The woman looked at me and a pleased smile appeared on her red lips, one that reached her eyes. ‘Ohh…Lain, you look so beautiful! Just like your mother when she was ten.’

‘My name’s Jake!’ I snapped and then looked down at the ground with a grimace. ‘And I’m thirteen, not ten.’

‘Aww! She’s so cute, isn’t she?’ the woman said to Linda and then took the glass from the secretary. ‘Here. I heard you shouting from the other side of the house! I imagine your voice must be quite sore by now, hmm?’

She came over and offered the glass to me, but I just stared up at her. She was a head taller than Linda and as such I barely came up to her chest. ‘Who are you?!’

‘My name’s Rachel, and you’re in my home.’ she said with another warm smile. ‘And it’s your home now too, young lady. I’m going to be taking over Linda’s parental duties from now on.’

I blinked, not quite sure I understood that. ‘What?’

‘Drink first.’ Rachel said and pushed the water into my hand. I reluctantly took it and after a moment’s hesitation took a large gulp, the pain in my throat too intense for me to ignore. Rachel beamed at me and nodded encouragingly. ‘Good girl!’

I started at the compliment and turned bright red, then shoved the glass back into her hand. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had actually complimented me…

Rachel looked at me with a knowing smile and went to pat me on the head, but I stepped away and hurried to the bed, away from all of the women. Julia was lying next to it and I scooped her up in a tight hug. She was a familiar, comforting weight in my arms and I held onto her, knowing that I’d look like a child but unable to care.

‘What’s going on?’ I demanded. ‘Why did you kidnap me?’

‘Because I took too long.’ Linda said morosely and I frowned at her.

‘Too long doing what?’

‘Preparing you for the Lain project.’ Rachel said as she came over. I glared at her but she kept coming until she was directly in front of me. ‘Do you know what that is?’

‘No!’ I said, although I had a sneaking suspicion that I actually did know based off of all the weird stuff Linda had said last night.

‘Well, then why don’t we go downstairs to the dining room and talk about it?’ she said and looked at the secretary. ‘I’m sure you’re hungry a-’
‘No!’ I stomped my foot and shook my head, starting to reach my limit with all of the weirdness. I wanted to home, to my safe little room and crawl under the covers and act like this was all a bad dream! ‘I d-don’t care about your stupid project! I’m a boy! I don’t want to be Lain! I w-want to go home!’

‘Sweetheart, I told you before….this is your home now.’ Rachel said and offered me her hand. ‘And it’s a very nice home too! Why don’t you come with me and I’ll show you around?’

I shook my head and hugged Julia tighter as a tear fell down my face. ‘No. I want to go h-home!’

‘Lain…I just told you. This is your home.’ Rachel said and I shook my head no even harder. ‘It is. And do you want to know something special about this house? Your mother and I grew up here together. This is even her old room!’

I sniffed and looked around at the room, momentarily distracted from my fear. ‘What?’

Rachel smiled and knelt down so that we were on eye level. ‘Did you know that she and her parents didn’t get along very well?’

‘Yes.’ I nodded slowly.

‘Well, she ran away from them when she was six, and my parents let her stay here with me. That’s even her old bed.’ Rachel nodded to the bed behind me. ‘You and your sisters cribs used to be in here too.’

‘What?’ My eyes widened in surprise and I rubbed my forehead tiredly, finding it difficult to think clearly with everything that was going on. ‘Ada a-and I lived here?’

‘Only until you were two, unfortunately.’ Rachel sighed heavily. ‘Elaine wanted her own independence so she decided to move out with a…friend.’

‘With her girlfriend. Me.’ Linda frowned at Rachel, who looked back at her with a grimace.

‘Yes, girlfriend. Sorry.’ A look of jealousy crossed her face but it was gone in an instant.

‘You and mum were dating?’ I asked Linda numbly, not sure how to deal with that.

‘Yes.’ She came over and knelt next to Rachel, a sad expression on her face ‘We told you about it but…you probably don’t remember, do you?’

‘Why wouldn’t I remember?’ I asked quickly, something tugging at me from the back of my mind. As soon as I tried to focus on it though it disappeared.

‘We can talk about that later.’ Rachel said just as Linda was about to speak. She brushed her hair behind her ears and fixed me with another warm smile. ‘Lain, this house is very special to your mum. Don’t you want to stay here like she did?’

‘No!’ I shook my head and glared at her. ‘And it doesn’t matter anyway! I emailed her before and told her what Linda’s been doing to me, and she’s going to call the police! You and Linda are going to be arrested and-’

‘Jake, that email went to me. I to-’ Linda began but I angrily cut her off.

‘No it didn’t! You’re lying!’

‘No she’s not.’ Rachel said and pulled a black iPhone of out her pocket, then tapped around on it. ‘She forwarded it to me before, see? I’ve read it too. It didn’t go to Elaine. It was never going to go to her.’

I stared at the screen and turned bright red, seeing my email in her inbox. It’d been forwarded from what I’d thought to be mum’s email…

‘W-w-w-’ I swallowed painfully and shook my head. ‘That-that doesn’t prove anything! You…you just hacked into her email or something then! You’re a thief!’

‘Jake.’ Linda said heavily and I turned to glare at her. ‘I know this is going to be painful for you to hear but…’

‘But what?’ I demanded when she didn’t continue.

She swallowed and looked me right in the eye. ‘Your mum…she doesn’t want to see you.’

I choked back a cry and angrily stomped my foot again. ‘What! Yes she does! That’s not true! Don’t say things like that!’

Linda looked she was about to cry and put her hands on my shoulders. I could feel them shaking slightly. ‘Do…do you know remember what happened to Ada?’

‘What do you mean?’ I asked shakily, my stomach clenching up in fear. What was going on? ‘When mum left Ada went to stay with our grandparents.’

‘No, she didn’t.’ Rachel said quietly. ‘Your grandparents hated her, remember? They hate anything to do with Elaine.’

‘S-so?’

‘She…died, Jake.’ Linda said heavily. ‘Your dad made you kill her, remember?’

…

‘What…’ I laughed softly and wiped away the tears streaming down my face. ‘That’s stupid…I didn’t…I…I…’

…

Ada screamed in pain and terror as dad pushed down harder on my hand holding the knife, making it rip into her chest. I wasn’t fighting him anymore. I was so scared of him punching me, breaking another finger or cutting me again. I didn’t want to hurt Ada but I d-

…

‘YOU KILLED MY DAUGHTER YOU SICK FUCK!’ mum screamed at me, her hands wrapped around my neck. She picked me up and slammed me down on the ground again, making my vision blur.

‘M-m-um!’ I choked and tried to grab her hands but I was so weak…

‘Don’t you dare call me that!’ she hissed and slammed on the ground again. ‘You’re a sick little monster just like your fucking father! I should have killed you the moment you came out of me! Why the fuck did you two have to be born together? Were you jealous? Was that wh-’

‘What the hell!’ Linda’s voice cried and she dived into Elaine, trying to throw her off of me. But her hands just tightened around my neck and didn’t let go. ‘Jesus Christ Elaine! Let him go!’

‘No! He needs to feel what Ada felt when he KILLED HER!’ she hissed and-

…

…

…

‘SHUT UP!’ I screamed and slammed my hands into Linda’s chest, catching her by surprise and knocking her backwards. ‘THAT’S NOT REAL! FUCK YOU!’

I jumped past her and ran towards the door, far faster than I had before. The secretary was taken by surprise as well so I was able to easily run past her and out into a rectangle hallway. It was so large that it could easily fit two of Linda’s rooms inside of it, and its floor was a smooth white marble. Two ornate brown doors were on either side of it but I ignored them and ran to the one on the far end of the hall, which was wide open and I could see a large open space through.

‘Wait!’ I heard Rachel shout from behind me. ‘Lain!’

I ran even faster and somehow managed to reach the door without her grabbing me. To my surprise I was on a balcony that circled above a massive dining room in an oval-shape, and across from me was another open door that led into a similar marbled hallway. The balcony was made out of a black wood with naked women carved into it and to my left were two sets of stairs leading down into the dining room.

I began to run for them but I’d spent too long looking around, for a strong hand grabbed my arm and I was spun around to face Rachel, who looked shocked.

‘Lain! Calm down!’ she said and tried to pull me to her, but I kicked at her and tried to tear her hand off.

‘LET GO!’ I swung at her but she grabbed my fist and gently pinned me against the hallway’s side wall. ‘GET OFF ME!’

‘Jake!’ Linda said and I saw her hurrying over, also looking shocked. ‘Please calm down.’

‘No! I didn’t kill her!’ I screamed through a sob. ‘That’s not real! IT’S NOT REAL! YOU’RE LYING!’

‘It’s true, sweetie.’ Linda said and gently pulled Rachel’s hands off of me so she could be in front of me. ‘You went to counseling, remember? In the hospital?’

I shook my head and tried to run past Linda, but my legs were shaking too badly to move now. A cold emptiness grew in my stomach and I almost vomited as the image of a painfully white hospital room appeared in my head. I’d…I had been there…I remembered police talking to me and Linda and a nurse…washing all the blood off my hands and face…

Blood….

No…no…that…no…

I whimpered and shook my head, collapsing back against the wall. ‘No I didn’t…’

‘You did, but you blocked it all out. We-’

‘WHAT!’ I screamed and pushed my hands against Linda’s sides as my legs nearly gave out. I took a steadying breath and stared up at her through my years. ‘What d-does this have to do with anything! Why are you lying about this? Why am I here?’

‘Because…’ Linda shook her head as tears of her own fell down her face. ‘Because Rachel, your mother and I were going to use Ada to…do things that’d make the world better. And you killed her, so…so we have to use you.’

‘What…’ I said and was suddenly on my knees, all the energy gone from my body. ‘You’re lying…stop saying….didn’t…didn’t kill her…’

‘Lain.’ Rachel said but it sounded so far away.

‘Jake…’ I said and found myself lying on my side. ‘I’m Jake…I…I wanna go home! Linda!’

Linda wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a warm hug. I instinctively hugged her back and rested my head on her shoulder as deep, painful sobs tore through my chest. The hatred was still there but it was so small and pointless…I needed Linda’s warmth more than I’d ever needed it before. I needed someone!

‘It’s okay sweetie…it wasn’t your fault.’ She said thickly and ran her hands down my head. ‘And your mum’s going to forgive you one day, okay? I promise. You doing this is going to make her very happy.’

I pushed deeper into Linda’s warmth. ‘I-I don’t care. I wanna to go home!’

‘This is your home now, remember?’ Linda said softly as she rubbed my hair. ‘But I’m going to visit you all the time, and bring your things here for you. All of your Pristine figurines and DVD’s and everything.’

‘You turned me into a girl.’ I sobbed, clutching her arms.

‘I know. I’m sorry.’ She blinked away tears. ‘But I…I couldn’t handle seeing you like…like you were when you killed Ada. Like your dad. I was selfish but I shouldn’t even have been your carer in the first place. Elaine…she fucked both of us over when she left.'

‘I…’ I blinked tiredly. ‘Don’t understand.’

‘I know.’ She said and kissed me on the top of the head. ‘But it’ll make sense soon. Don’t worry.’

I whimpered and closed my eyes, finally succumbing to the exhaustion. The last thing I remembered before sleep claimed me was Linda looking down at me with a sad smile, her tears dripping onto my hair.

‘Goodnight Lain.’

The End

Note:
Thank you for reading! I was trying to leave hints towards some of the things revealed in here in earlier chapters but I don't know if I did a good enough job, or if I made it too obvious. As mentioned above, this is the end of the first part. The second part will be called 'A world for Lain' and it'll be not AS depressing as this one is. It'll be happier and such.
Would you want me to continue this right away? Or never? Or just give it time to breath and post some new things? I did have some new things I was working on but then I came back to this and it took up all of my mind (which is why this came out so fast after the last chapter).
Regardless, thanks for sticking around if you were here from chapter one! I know it was a messy, kind of frantic ride in some places.
<3
BrokenFox (Anna)

Also, my cat jumped onto my keyboard trying to eat a month while I was typing this end note and I had to re-do it all again so...yeah >.> I maybe have left something out in my pussy-rage. But I still love her <3