This is my first attempt at both writing and posting a story. It's still a work in progress so please bare with me. Any "constructive" criticism and advice is appreciated. Thank you for your patience.

Synopsys

Eleven year old Mathew Stevens is enjoying life to the fullest. He has Parents and a Sister that adore him. His Teachers at School have nothing but praise for him and his grades are the norm for a person his age. His girlfriend, April is also his best friend.
Yes life is good. But Mathew has a secret, a secret that he has kept hidden away, for as long as he could remember. But now that secret is starting to fight back, it’s starting to fight its way to the surface, and it’s beginning to bother him.
Will he give in and let it consume him, or will he fight back and push it back into the depths of his soul, where he keeps it?
Only time will tell.

Mathew’s Secret Desire
By Daphne46

Chapter One

Mathew Stevens woke up to the dull muted sound of rain hitting the roof of his bedroom. Off in the distance, the rumbling of thunder could be heard. Through the opening in his curtains, Mathew could see the overcast sky, and the rain hitting the window. A flash of lighting suddenly lit up the semi darkness of his bedroom, which was quickly followed by a louder rumble of thunder.

Groaning inwardly, Mathew pulled himself out of bed and stepped over to the window. Pushing the curtains fully open, he looked out at the dreary scene before him. The rain hitting the window made it a bit difficult to see out, but what Mathew could see was that there was no one outside.

‘Great.’ He thought sullenly to himself. ‘What a way to start summer vacation.’ He stared out the window for a few more moments, then turned and walked into his bathroom, turning on the light as he entered. Pulling his pajama bottoms down, he sat down on the toilet. After reliving himself, Mathew washed his hands, and then walked back into his bedroom. With the curtains fully opened the room was brighter, and Mathew noticed an envelope sitting on his desk.

Mathew walked over to his desk and picked the envelope. The hand writing on the front told him that it was from his Girlfriend April Allan or ‘Double A’ as he sometimes called her. Even though there was a year difference in their ages, and most boys considered girls gross, Mathew liked April. She was kind and pretty and shared most of the same interests he had.

Opening the envelope, he saw that it was a birthday card. He pulled the card out to see that it had a picture of a clown riding a unicycle holding bunch of balloons. The caption on the front read. ‘I Hear It’s Your Birthday. Look inside and I’ll Give You Your Present’

Mathew opened the card and a small pie on a spring popped up at him which caused a smile to tug at the corners of his mouth. The effect lifted his spirits a little, not much, but a little. Just then a sudden clap of thunder snapped him out of his daydream state he found himself in.

“Yikes! That was close!” He said aloud. “Hope nothing got hit.”

Mathew put the card and envelope back on the desk and went over to his dresser. Opening the top drawer he pulled out a pair of grey socks and underwear. From the next drawer he got a white t-shirt and a pair of tan shorts. After closing the drawer he turned and went over to stand next to his bed. He placed the clothes he had selected down and began to remove his pajamas.

The first thing he put on was the underwear, but as he picked them up, he was suddenly hit with a wave of warmth, and a tingling in his groin. The feeling passed as quickly as it came, and he put the underwear and the rest of his clothes, then turned and left the bedroom.

Mathew walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. His sixteen year old sister Janice, stood in front of the stove and was dividing up the scrambled eggs, she had cooked onto plates on the side. Mathew adored Janice. She didn’t treat him some annoying useless monster, that most of her other friends treated their younger brothers. That’s not to say she didn’t tease him, but any teasing was all done in fun.

“Good morning sport.” She said glancing over her shoulder.

“Good morning.” Mathew said.

Janice put the skillet in the sink, then picked up the plates and turned towards the table. She put one plate down in front of Mathew and the other in front of her place, and then sat down.

“I thought I’d make scrambled eggs and bacon.” Janice said as she picked up the ketchup bottle.

“Thanks.” Mathew said. Mathew picked up his fork and started eating.

“Did you see the card on your desk from April?” Janice said putting the ketchup bottle back down.

“Yes.” Mathew said. “It was a clown card.”

“Cool.” Janice said. “April always knows what to get.”

“Yeah she does.” Mathew said with a mouthful of food.

Janice looked at Mathew with a disappointing look on her face.

“Mathew you know not to talk with your mouth full.”

“I thought you liked sea food.” Mathew said smiling.

Janice opened her mouth to speak, but wasn’t able to say anything, for at that moment, their Mother entered the kitchen.

“Mathew listen to your sister.” Their mother said sitting down. “Your father and I didn’t raise a farm animal.”

Sara Stevens grabbed a box of cereal off the table and poured some into a bowl. She then poured some milk and added some sugar.

“Now apologise to your sister.”

“Sorry Janice.” Mathew said feeling a pang of guilt.

“Apology accepted.” Janice said with a wink.

A smile broke out on Mathew’s face and he continued eating. He noticed that Janice had on a white tank top with a faded pink heart in the middle. Mathew also noticed she was wearing a pair of cut off form fitting jeans, when she was dividing up the eggs. Mathew’s mother on the other hand was wearing a simple flower patterned sundress. Her light brown hair, usually hung down to her shoulders, but today she had it pinned pack in a ponytail.

“I want you to behave yourself today Mathew.” Sara said. “I have some work to do, and Janice will be out with her friends.”

“Ok.” Mathew said finishing up the last bite of bacon from his plate.

Sara smiled. “Good boy.”

Mathew stood up and took his plate over to the sink and rinsed it off, then placed it in the dishwasher. He then turned back to his mother and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Love you mom. I’ll be in the media room.”

“Ok sweetie. Love you too.”

With that Mathew bolted from the kitchen and down into the media room.

Mathew entered the media room and plopped himself down on the couch. Grabbing the television remote off the coffee table, he turned on the television and changed to the channel he wanted. After about five seconds he realized the show that was on was a repeat, and he didn’t feel like watching it, so he changed to another channel.

But it was the same with that show as well. After flipping to a couple of other channels, he decided that there wasn’t anything on worth watching, so after turning the television off, he picked up a magazine and started to thumb through it.

While looking through the magazine, he came across an advertisement that caught his attention. It was an advertisement for women’s hosiery which he had seen countless times before, but something about the ad this time, made him stop.

Hilroy’s Family Clothing Store
Large Selection of Women’s
Pantyhose and Tights
Many Styles and Colors available
Also great selection of
Children’s Sizes available as well
For both Boys and Girls

Mathew read the ad again to make sure he had read it right.

‘Also great selection of Children’s sizes available as well, for both Boys and Girls!?’

There was no mistaking it. He had read the ad correctly. It did say for ‘Both Boys and Girls.’ It had to be a mistake. Why would an ad for a clothing store say such a thing? There had to be a logical answer. But what was it?

Mathew was so engrossed in thought, that he never heard the doorbell ring. He never even heard when April said his name the first time. It was only when she sat down next to him on the couch, and poked him in the ribs, that he noticed her.

“What? When did you get here?” He said his mind still not fully alert yet.

“About a two minutes ago.” April said sounding annoyed.

“Sorry.” Mathew said closing the magazine and placing it back on the table. “I must have been daydreaming.”

April turned her head to look at him.

“I’ll say. You didn’t even hear your mother ask you answer the door.”

“Sorry.”

“Are you feeling ok?” April asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Mathew answered. “I was just daydreaming that’s all.”

“Must have been some daydream.” April said.

They sat in silence for a moment, and then Mathew looked at April and in a hushed tone of voice said.

“I had that feeling again when I was getting dressed.”

April turned her entire body to face Mathew this time, and in the same hushed, but more interested tone of voice said.

“Just like last time? Or did you picture yourself wearing them?

“It was just the feeling.” Mathew said. “No picture.”

“That’s too bad.” April said. “I really would have liked to have heard what you looked like in them.”

Mathew quickly glanced at the magazine he had been looking at, and then back to April.

“Well maybe next time.” He said.

“Did you get my Birthday card?” April asked in her normal voice.

“Yes I did.” Mathew said. “Thank you.”

April smiled.

“You’re welcome. I thought the clown looked nice and the pie popping up was funny.”

“It was.”

“I have your Birthday Present with me.” She said leaning down to retrieve a small brightly colored gift bag. She handed it to Mathew with a smile on her face.

“I hope you don’t already have it.” She said. “I couldn’t remember if you did or not.”

Mathew looked in the gift bag, then reached in and pulled out the latest version of his favourite and popular video game.

“Yes!” He said with enthusiasm. “Thank you April, I’ve been wanting this since it came out in May.”

“I’m glad. As I said, I wasn’t sure if you had it already or not.”

Mathew looked up at April.

“I don’t have enough money.” He said.

Mathew looked down at the cover illustration, and then in a burst of unexpected excitement, he shot forward, and kissed April right on the lips. The unexpected move caught April off guard, and she fell back on the couch, the back of her head, just missing the hard arm rest by an inch. Because of the way she was sitting, when Mathew kissed her, the front hem of her dress fell backwards exposing her panties.

“Cut that out!” April said when Mathew straightened up. “You know the rules about kissing?”

“No lip kissing until we’re in High School.” Mathew said still bursting with excitement. “I’m sorry April. I don’t know why I did that.”
April propped herself up on her elbows and regarded Mathew for a second or two.

“I’ll forgive you this time.” She said, then after a moment’s pause said.

“It was a nice feeling having you kiss me on the lips though. Not gross like thought it would be.”

Mathew was now sitting up straight, and from that position April almost filled his entire sight.

“I’m glad you liked it.” He said slowly, as his eyes fell from her face, down her upper body, and stop at her light blue panties.

Suddenly realizing that the hem of her dress had ridden up, and was exposing her panties; to Mathew’s gaze. April quickly sat up straight, while at the same time, smoothing the hem of her dress down.

In the time it took Mathew to look down April’s body till she sat up. He saw that she was wearing a light blue summer dress, with ruffles on the shoulder straps, and white lace trim around the hem. She had on a pair of white ankle socks which also had lace trim them.

“Were you looking under my dress?” She asked in a hushed voice.

“N...N...No!” Mathew stammered, as he felt his face getting hot. He quickly looked away from April, embarrassed to have been caught doing something bad, especially to her.

April saw the color rise in Mathew’s cheeks, and the way he quickly turned away from her, told her that he had. “It’s alright if you were.” She said keeping her voice low. “All you have to do is ask.”

Mathew turned to look at April as he started to speak, his voice louder than normal.

“I can’t do tha.....” Was all he could say before he felt April’s right hand cover his mouth.

“Keep your voice down!” She scolded him in a hushed tone.

After a moment she slowly pulled her hand away from Mathew’s mouth, while all the time keeping her eyes locked on his, almost daring him to speak loudly.

“I can’t do that.” He said lowering his voice.

“Why can’t you?” April asked.

“Well for one thing it’s wrong. And secondly, both our parents would kill us if they found out.”

“You’re probably right.” April said. “But I know I wouldn’t say anything if it was you who asked.”

Mathew sat in silence for a moment, thinking. The look on April’s face told him that she was telling the truth, when she said she wouldn’t tell anyone. It was four months now, and she hadn’t said a word to anyone, about the secret, he had suddenly blurted you to her one Saturday afternoon, in March.

‘Maybe I can ask her.’ He thought. ‘She hasn’t told anyone about my secret, and I won’t go telling anyone I asked to look under her dress.’ Mathew glanced down at the magazine he had been looking at, then back up to April. He was about to speak, when his mother suddenly appeared in the entrance way.

“April, your mother just called.” Sara said. “She wants you home now.”

April turned her head to look in Mrs. Stevens’s direction.

“Ok.” She said turning back to Mathew and stood up. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Ok.” Mathew said as a sense of relief came over him. April turn and started to leave, but then at the last instant, she spun back around, stood in front of Mathew, and leaning down, planted a kiss on his left cheek. Then turn around again and walked out of the room.

Sara Stevens sat at her desk, going over a list of houses that were up for sale. Being the owner of a successful Real Estate Agency, she could afford to set her own hours of work. Sure she could spend every day at the office, and leave Janice to look after Mathew, when she and her husband weren’t around. But she felt that would be unfair to both children. And besides, the staff she had were all capable of handling things without her.

She had just sat down again after letting April in, when the phone rang. On the other end of the line was here Sister Vicky.

“Stevens Residence; Sara Stevens speaking......Hi Vicky, what can I do for you?” Sara paused while Vicky spoke.

“No we moved Mathew’s Birthday Party to tomorrow. Weather report said we were going to get a nasty Thunder storm today, and they were right.” Sara said and then paused.

“No. Mathew’s girlfriend got him the game. She’s giving it to him now.” Sara paused while Vicky spoke.

“Well if you want, Mathew also had his eye on a model of the Apollo 11 Moon Rocket.” “Yes the one they landed on the Moon with.” Sara rolled her eyes. She loved her sister, but sometimes she could be a bit clueless.

“Ok then.” Sara said. “Oh? What’s the problem?” Sara listened while her sister spoke, occasionally giving either a ‘yes’ or an ‘I see’ in way of response.

“I’ll see what I can do, but I can’t promise anything, Vicky.” Sara said.

“I know Mathew will do just about anything for Megan, but trying on a dress to see if it fits, isn’t one of them.” Sara paused again.

“I know they’re about the same size, but I really don’t think Mathew wants to wear a dress.” Sara said starting to get a little annoyed. At the moment, a soft beep sounded in the ear piece indicating that there was another incoming call.

“Look Vicky, I have another call.” Sara said cutting her sister off. “I’ll see what I can do, and get back to you, ok?”

“Love you too, Bye.”

Sara pushed the hook switch to end the first call, and then pushed a button on the number pad to connect the second call.

“Stevens Residence; Sara Stevens speaking.”

“Hi Sara, its Brenda.” April’s mother said.

“Hi Brenda, how are you?” Sara asked.

“I’m doing great. How about you?”

“Can’t complain.” Sara said. Then added as an afterthought. “Well I can, but who’d listen.”

“What’s the problem?” Brenda asked.

“Oh nothing serious. Just my sister being her usual......self.”

“Ahh.” Brenda said understanding.

“Megan’s Birthday is a week after Mathew’s, and she’s too busy to get the dress she picked out for her. So she wants me to take Mathew down to Hilroy’s and get him to try it on to see if it fits.”

“Yep.” Brenda said, with a hint of laughter in her voice. “Vicky is defiantly being.....herself.”

“Like come on, she should know what size dress her own daughter wears.” Sara said. “I mean, I love Vicky to pieces, but really.”

“Have you asked Mathew yet?” Brenda said.

“No, I was still talking to her when you called.”

“I see. So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I’ll ask him, but I already know what the answer is going to be...NO!”

Both Sara and Brenda laughed at this, but then Sara got serious for a moment.

“I guess I’ll have to bribe him with something. What I don’t know. All I know is it ‘ll cost.”

“Well don’t go overboard.” Brenda said. “And don’t push the matter.”

“I know. I already told Vicky I wasn’t promising anything.” Sara said. “So will see.”

“Good.” Brenda said. “Now the reason I called. Is April still there?”

“Yes.” Sara said. “She’s giving Mathew his present.”

“Ok.” Brenda said. “Can you tell her to get her fanny back home? We’re supposed to be at the Optometrists office by Eleven thirty.”

“Sure thing.” Sara said. “I’ll send her on her way.”

“Thanks. I’ll talk to you later. Let me know how things go with Mathew ok?”

“Will do. Bye.” Sara hung up the phone and stood and went into the media room to get April.

Mathew watched April skip down the walkway and disappear around the corner of the hedge. Once she was out of sight, he turn from media room windows and went back to the couch. Plopping himself down, he picked up the magazine and thumbed through it till he found the ad again.

The pink letters of the ad seemed to be calling to him, and he had no idea why.

‘Why am I feeling this way?” He thought to himself. ‘Why do I have this urge to want to wear girl’s clothes?’

Mathew continued to stare at the ad until he felt himself drift off to sleep. And in that sleep, he dreamed.

Mathew opened his eyes and found himself standing in his bedroom. But it looked different somehow. The decor was all wrong. Looking around, he noticed that all of his space and airplane models were gone. Replaced with girlish looking stuff toys. Gone to were the posters and pictures he had collected of his favourite sports heroes. In their place were ones of teen music idols. Even the color of the room was changed. No longer was it a boyish blue, it now was a pink rose color.

Mathew walked over to his closet and opened the doors. Inside were hangers full of dresses, skirts, and tops in different styles and colors.

“Don’t you know it’s impolite to look through people’s closets without their permission?” A voice suddenly said from behind him.

Mathew spun around to see himself, dressed in girl’s clothes, and with shoulder length hair, standing in the doorway of his bathroom.

“Oh it’s you.” The ‘girl’ Mathew said walking across the room to stand before him. “Do you mind getting my sweater jacket please? It’s to your right.”

Mathew stared at the person standing before front of him. The ‘girl’ him was wearing a white tank top shirtdress with spaghetti straps, which was covered with red, pink, and blue polka dots.

“Who...are...you?” Mathew asked confused. The ‘girl’ Mathew just smiled and said.

“I’m you silly. Now please hand me my sweater jacket. I don’t want to be late. I’m going on my first date.”

Still confused by what he was seeing, plus the unflappable attitude of the ‘girl’ him, all Mathew could do was repeat the ‘who are you?’ question.

The ‘girl’ him, tilted her head to one side, rolled her eyes and lightly slapped the sides of her legs and sighed. She then pushed past him, and grabbed the sweater off the hanger. Stepping back, she put the sweater on and looked at Mathew straight in the eyes.

“Janice was right.” She said with a hint of annoyance in her voice. “As a boy, I really was scrambled braind at times.” And with that, she turned and walked out of the room.

Mathew stood rooted to the floor, for what seemed liked several minutes, while his mind tried to come to grips with what he had just seen. Just seconds before, an almost mirror image of him, stood wearing a girl’s dress and was acting like it was a completely normal thing to do. The ‘girl’ Mathew even had long hair, longer than he was ever allowed to let it grow, before his mother took him to the barber shop.

‘This is wrong.’ He thought to himself. ‘I can’t be wearing girl’s clothes!’ Mathew walked over to the window and looked out in time to see the ‘girl’ him, getting into his mother’s car.

“NO!” He shouted. “Where are you going!? Don’t go out dressed like that!” Within seconds of the car door closing, Mathew watched as it pulled away from the curb.

Pounding on the window with both hands, he gave one last desperate shout, as the car disappeared from view.

Mathew let his forehead drop down to touch the window pane, and instantly everything changed. No longer, was he in the bedroom, but standing outside the Fast Food Restaurant that he always goes to.

Inside he could the ‘girl’ him sitting at a table, all by herself. The restaurant was busy, and Mathew was amazed, that no one was laughing or staring, or pointing fingers at ‘her’.

It was at that moment that without even thinking, he backed away from the window, opened the door, and walked inside and right up to the table.

The ‘girl’ him looked up when she sensed he was standing next to the table.

“Oh, it’s you again!” She said in an irritated tone. “What do you want now!?”

“What are you doing here!?” Mathew asked anxiously.

“I’m waiting for my date to return with our food.”

Mathew looked towards the serving counter, to see if he could spot, who the ‘date’ was, but all he could see was a wall of blurry figures.

“Who is he?” He asked turning back.

A look of anger clouded the ‘girl’ image’s face, and when she spoke, her voice had a contemptuous ring to it.

“I don’t have to tell you who it is!” She said.

“Tell me who it is?” He said angrily. “Or do you want me to tell everyone here that you’re really a boy!?”

The girl image placed her hands flat on the table; and pushing herself up, leaned forward to look Mathew square in the face.

“Go ahead!” She said threateninly. “I dare you!”

Mathew looked away, and was about to open his mouth to speak, but a quick glance at her embolden yet determined face, caused him to change his mind.

“Alright then.” He said conceding. “Just tell me why you’re dressed up like a girl?”

The expression on the ‘girl’s’ face softened as she sat back down. She clasped her hands together and spoke in a confident and clear tone.

“Because you are a girl. You’ve always been a girl, at least in your heart anyway.”

Both shock and confused expressions raced over Mathew’s face, at the girl image’s words. He wasn’t and girl and he surely had no desire to want to become one! At least that’s what his mind told him at that moment.

“I’m not a girl!” He said forcefully. “And I have no desire to want to become one either!”

A look of determination came over the girl image’s face as she looked up at him. And when she spoke, that same determination was evident in her voice.

“Yes you are, and yes you want to be.” She said. “It’s what your heart wants.”

“No it doesn’t!” Mathew said quickly. A little too quickly he thought a second later.

“Yes it does.” She said gently. Then suddenly reaching out, she took hold of his right hand and added. “Search your feelings. Let your mind come to grips with what your heart truly desires.”

“How do you know what my heart wants?” Mathew asked frustrated.

The girl smiles and says.

“I have to go now. But search your heart Mathew. Just search your heart.”

The scene before him begins to dissolve, but the words from the ‘girl him’ repeat over and over as they become fainter.

“But I’m not a girl.” Mathew said indignantly as he opened his eyes to see his mother looking down at him.

“Who said you were a girl?” Sara asked.

“What?” Mathew asked still half asleep.

“Who said you were a girl?” Sara asked again.

Mathew looked at his mother, and said.

“No one.” He said sitting up. “I must have been dreaming.”

Sara smiled and tussled Mathew’s brown hair.

“Must have been some dream.” Sara said.

“More like a nightmare.” Mathew muttered.

Sara smiled again.

“Anyways lunch is about ready, go wash up and come to the kitchen. I have something I need to talk to you about.”

“OK.” Mathew says, and follows Sara out of the media room.

Mathew entered the downstairs washroom, and began washing his hands. The dream he just had was still fresh in his mind, and when he glanced at his reflection in the mirror, the image looking back at him, was the ‘girl’ him.

“Follow your heart, Mathew.” She said. “Follow your heart.”

Mathew squeezed his eyes shut for a second or so, when he opened them again, the image of the girl was gone, and was replaced with an image of himself.

He splashed some water on his face, then turned the water taps off and grabbed a towel off the hanger. After he had dried his hands and face off, the hung the towel back up, and left the washroom.

Mathew entered the kitchen and sat down at the counter. Sara places a plate with a sandwich on it in front of him.

“What was the dream about?” She asks as he picks up one half of the sandwich and starts eating.

“Nothing really.” He said chewing. “Someone said I wanted to be a girl.”

Sara raised an eyebrow at what Mathew had just said. Luckily Mathew didn’t see it, and continued speaking.

“I said that I didn’t.”

Sara tilted her head slightly to one side and looked at Mathew for a moment in silence.

“Who said you wanted to be a girl?” She asked cautiously as Mathew finished the first half of the sandwich.

He was about reach for the second half, but stopped as the question from his mother brought the image of the ‘girl’ him to mind. The question sent a ripple of fear through him, and also sent his mind racing.

“I don’t remember.” He said hesitantly, wondering if his secret had been found out. “Why?”

“Oh no reason. I was just curious.” Sara said sounding relaxed.

“Ok.” Mathew said slowly as he reached for the second half of the sandwich, the ripple of fear he just felt starting to subside.

Sara watched Mathew for a moment as he continued to eat his sandwich. As she did so, a mix of anxiety and apprehension started to permeate her thoughts. The idea of him wanting to be a girl was absurd, and the request from her sister, while being totally like her, didn’t help matters any.

‘He’s a boy after all.’ She thought to herself. ‘Why in the world would he want to be a girl?’

She looked up and gazed out across the dining room to the back yard. The rain was still coming down, but not as hard as it had been earlier in the morning.

‘What would cause him to even have such a dream anyways?’ She thought. ‘It’s not like we’ve done or said anything, so why would he think that?’

Sara was so engrossed in thought, that she didn’t even notice that Mathew was looking at her. It wasn’t until he belched like a preteen drunken sailor, that she realized she was distracted.

“Mathew Stevens!” She said more annoyed with herself, than with him. “What have your Father and I told you about making those kinds of rude noises!?”

“To make them louder!” He said laughing.

“No!” Sara said trying to suppress her own laughter, but failing. Finally she couldn’t hold on, and she burst out laughing as well. After about half a minute, their laughter subsided, and they both returned to a sense of normalcy.

“Hold on a minute, Mathew.” Sara said as he started to rise off the stool. “I need to talk to you a minute.”

A feeling of dread came over Mathew, as he sat back down. He watched his Mother as she turned to the fridge, and got out the milk carton, then a glass from the cupboard. She then poured the milk into the glass and set it down in front of him.

“I had a phone call from Aunt Vicky earlier.” Sara said sounding anxious, as she put the milk back in the fridge.

“What was it about?” Mathew asked taking hold of the glass, not realizing what was about to be asked of him.

Sara turned back to face Mathew, as he took a sip of milk. When she spoke the expression on her face matched her tone.

“You know I wouldn’t ask you to do anything you normally wouldn’t do, unless it was really important, right?”

Mathew nodded slowly.

“Well, it seems Aunt Vicky ordered an item from Hilroy’s for Megan’s Birthday. And she seems to have forgotten to see if the size is correct.”

All of a sudden Mathew felt a knot form in the pit of his stomach, and his throat tighten up.

‘What was his Mother about to ask him? Did she want him to wear something that was meant for his cousin? Mathew’s mind started to run wild on him.

“So she asked if we could go down and see if it’s correct.” Sara continued.

“Wha...What is it?” Mathew forced himself to ask.

“It’s a dress.” Sara said.

“You want me to try on a dress!?”

“I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t important!” Sara said quickly. “And I told Aunt Vicky I didn’t think.....”

“NO!” Mathew suddenly shouted angrily. “I’m not wearing a stupid dress, and you can’t make me!”

With that, Mathew leapt off the stool and ran out of the kitchen. What Mathew didn’t realize, was that these two seemingly innocent events was the start of a struggle, that was only about to get worse.

End of Chapter One

Mathew’s Secret Desire
Chapter Two

“Are you fucking nuts?!” An agitated, disembodied female voice said.

April looked up at the image of her 20 year old cousin, Samantha on the computer monitor.

April and Samantha talked to each other every week. The two girls were as close as sisters, and April felt she could tell her cousin about Mathew, and what she was doing.

“I beg your pardon?” April said in disbelief.

“I said, are fucking nuts? You’re not qualified to deal with this.” Samantha said. “And besides, you should have told your mother as soon as Mathew told you.”

April stood up and walked over to her book shelve, and retrieved a book. She then sat back down and held the book up to the web camera so Samantha could see.

“I got this out of mom’s home office.” April said. “It deals with transgender kids, so I don’t have to bother mom about it.”
Samantha let out a frustrated sigh and shook her head.

“That’s not the point April.” Samantha said. “You’re only12 years old, and not a trained therapist. Your mother is! So you can’t possibly know how to deal with Mathew.”

“Well I think you’re wrong.” April said starting to get annoyed at her cousin. “I think I am helping him, and I’m going to continue.”
Samantha sat back in her chair and stared at April for a moment in disbelief. Out of all the relatives she has known, Samantha had always felt April was on the same intelligent level as her, but now she wasn’t so sure.

“You are nuts!”

“I’m not!” April said. “I care about Mathew, and I truly feel I can help him.”

“Well I still feel you should tell your mother.” Samantha said after a moment.

“I can’t do that!” April said raising her voice. “Mathew told me in confidence. And besides, I promised I wouldn’t tell.”

“But telling me is ok.” Samantha said. “Some Therapist you are.”

“What’s that supposed to mean!? April asked angrily. Samantha leaned closer to the web camera so her face filled the video window and said in a somewhat smug tone of voice.

“Well, if Mathew told you in confidence, and you promised you wouldn’t tell anyone. Then by telling me, you just broke the Doctor/Patient confidentiality rule.”

“But that would only apply, if I was an actual Doctor.” April replied, not realizing, Samantha had tripped her up by poking a hole in her logic.

“Exactly!” Samantha exclaimed triumphantly. “You are not a Doctor. Therefore, if you won’t tell your mother, I will.”

For a moment, April felt a wave of fear then anger, wash over her. Fear that Samantha would tell her mother, than anger at having been tripped up by her own cousin.

The smug face of Samantha stared back at her from the computer monitor and for a brief moment, she contemplated just ending the conversation right then and there. But then, April let a smile tug at the corners of her mouth, as she also leaned forward in her chair, and in a calm but stern voice said.

“You wouldn’t dare!?”

“Try me!” Samantha replied in the same tone of voice, but wondering why April wasn’t showing any signs of being worried or scared.
“Go for it.” She said calmly.

Samantha opened her mouth to speak, but April jumped in before she could say a word.

“But if you do, I’ll tell your mother, I caught you and Rebecca Wilson, smoking marijuana and making out behind the garden shed last summer.”

Now it was Samantha’s turn to feel both fear and anger. The smug and triumphant feeling she had thought she had for tripping up April, quickly vanished from her face.

“You wouldn’t dare!?” Samantha hissed angrily at April. “You promised not to tell!”

“You tell on me; then I tell on you.” April said matter-of-factly

Samantha glared at the image of her cousin on the monitor. She was so angry at April at that moment, that had they been in the same room instead of images on each other’s computer monitors, Samantha probably would have hit her.

“Fine, you got me.” Samantha said in a defeated tone of voice. “I won’t tell your mother.”

“Thank you Samantha.” April said smiling.

“You’re welcome.”

Samantha sighed then said. “Well, if you insist on doing this...I guess I can’t stop you. But I still think you should tell your mom.”

“I will.” April said. “If I can’t handle it, I will. I promise.”

Samantha smiled then signed off. April turned off her computer and stood and went over to her bed, with the book.

Mathew lay on his bed with his face buried in his pillow. A flood of questions filled his mind. ‘Why did Janice and his mother tease him about acting like a girl sometimes? Why did April, the only person he shared his secret with, have to be so understanding? Why did he have this desire to want to wear girl’s clothes, and be treated like a girl? Why why why?’

Of course, being only eleven years old, he had no answers. But if he did, he still wouldn’t know what he should do. April had tried to help, but she freely admitted she wasn’t the right person he should be talking to.

After a few moments, Mathew calmed down and realized he had been a jerk to his mother. Getting off his bed, he went downstairs and found his mother in her home office.

“Mom” He said in a soft voice.

Sara looked up from the paper she was reading and looked at Mathew, then motioned for him to enter the room, which he did.
Mathew stood in front of his mother with his head lowered. Sara leaned back in her chair and regarded her son for a moment before speaking.

“I’m disappointed in you, Mathew.” She said firmly. “However, I realize I may have under estimated your reaction.”

Mathew looked up.

“But that still does not excuse your behaviour.” Mathew lowered his head again.

“That said; your punishment will be the forfeiture of your birthday party.”

Mathew’s head shot up and he looked at his mother shocked.

“But…” He started as his mother’s hand shot up to silence him.

“Not one word!” Sara said. “My decision is final.”

Mathew lowered his head.

“Yes mame.” He said defeated. He turned to leave, but his mother stopped him.

“We’re not done young man.” Sara said. “Don’t you have anything to say?”

Mathew was silent for a second or so, and then with tears in his eyes, he looked up at his mother.

“I’m sorry for the way I acted.” He said between sobs. “There was no excuse for my outburst. And I am very very sorry. Please don’t cancel my Birthday party!”

Sara regarded Mathew. She hated having to play the ‘bad’ Parent, but that was the job of being a parent, you sometimes have to play the bad guy. After a second, she stood up and walked around to stand in front of him. Sara lifted Mathew’s chin up till he was looking at her.

“Apology accepted. But your party is still canceled.” She said as she took a folded slip of paper out of the front pocket of her dress, and handed it to Mathew.

“Now I want you to go to Hilroy’s and pick this up for me.”

Mathew sniffled and gingerly took the offered slip of paper.

“Give the paper to Mrs. Norton, and when she gives you the package, I want you to come straight home. Ok?”

Mathew sniffled and said. “Ok”

Sara gave a brief smile then took a tissue from the tissue box on her desk and handed it to Mathew.

“Blow your nose and clean your face before you go.”

Mathew nodded then left the room.

Mathew stopped his bike in front of Hilroy’s clothing store and locked it to the bike stand out front. The store was empty when he entered, and he didn’t have trouble finding Mrs. Norton, who just happened to be in the hosiery section.

Mrs. Karen Norton, 57 year old co-owner of Hilroy’s Family Clothing Store, knelt in the girl’s hosiery section putting some packages on the display shelves. She glanced up when she sensed Mathew standing next to her. She smiled and stood up.

“Mathew. What brings you here; we’re closing in ten minutes.”

Mathew smiled at Mrs. Norton and reached into the pocket of his shorts and pulled out the piece of paper his mother had given him.

“Mom said to give this to you.”

Mrs. Norton took the paper and read it.

“It’s in the store room.” Mrs. Norton said. “Wait here and I’ll get it for you.”

“Ok.” Mathew said as he watched Mrs. Norton walk to the back of the store and disappear.

As soon as Mrs. Norton disappeared from view, Mathew’s gaze immediately turned to the rows of pantyhose and tights, laid out before him.

Looking at the various styles and colours, Mathew felt his heart start to beat faster in his chest. At the same time his mind started to play tricks on him, which caused his anxiety level to rise as well.

Without even thinking, Mathew suddenly grabbed a package of pantyhose off the display shelve, and darted into the change room behind him.

Inside, he ripped open the package and removed the pantyhose. His hands trembled as he held them up in front of him.

The pair he grabbed were beige in colour and sheer from the waist down to the toe, meaning there wasn’t really a ‘panty’ portion to them.

‘You realize that’s stealing?’ A voice inside his head said.

Mathew lowered the hose and looked at his reflection in the dressing room mirror. The image before him wasn’t like in his dreams. He wasn’t wearing a dress; he wasn’t watching himself enjoying life as a girl. The reflection in the mirror just showed him in his regular boy clothes, holding a pair of girl’s pantyhose.

“What?” He said to his reflection.

‘I said, you know that’s stealing?’

“Of course I know.” He said.

‘Then why did you do it?’ His refection asked.

He looked down at the pantyhose in his hands, then back up to his reflection in the mirror.

“I don’t know. Something just came over me and I grabbed them.”

‘Could it be your finally listening to your true self, and accepting the fact you’re really a girl?’

“What? No!” Mathew said annoyed.

‘Then why did you just take a pair of pantyhose from the rack and rip open the package if you weren’t listening to yourself?’

Mathew looked back down at the pantyhose in his hands, and didn’t know what to say. The ‘girl’ him from his dreams and now his reflection, were both telling him the same thing. ‘He was a girl!’

‘Well. What are you going to do?’ His reflection said. ‘Are you going to put the pantyhose on, or just stare at them?’

Mathew looked at his reflection confused.

“What?” Was all he could say.

His reflection just rolled his eyes, and sighed heavily. The exact same way April does, when she gets frustrated with him.

‘Just put the pantyhose on and get it over with!’ His reflection said frustrated

“What about Mrs. Norton? She’ll be back any second.”

‘Don’t worry about her.’ His reflection said. ‘You have plenty of time. Now put those pantyhose on!’

Mathew put the pantyhose down on the little bench and sat down himself. Quickly he took his shoes and socks off. Then standing, he undid the front of his shorts and them off.

Sitting back down he took the pantyhose and began to bunch up one leg. When he was done he raised his right foot and stuck it into the leg opening, and pulled it up to his knee. He then did the same thing to the other leg.

‘I see you know how to put on pantyhose.’ His reflection said,

“It’s just like putting on socks.” He said pulling them up the rest of the way and smoothing them out, just like any girl would do.

‘Maybe so.’ His reflection said. ‘But you don’t smooth put or straighten socks now do you?’

Mathew looked at his reflection wearing the pantyhose, then down at himself. The Pantyhose covered his legs like and glove, and they did feel nice.

‘Well? How do they look?’

“They look nice.” He said slowly and softly.

‘Well I say we’re meant to wear them.’ His reflection said. ‘Now do you see and understand, what the girl us has been telling you. You. Are. A. Girl!’

Mathew was about to speak when a noise came from the back of the store. In a panic, Mathew quickly put his shorts and shoes back on, and stepped out of the dressing room, just as Mrs. Norton walked out of the store room.

Mrs. Norton came out of the store room and knew that something was up, when she saw Mathew. Besides the panicked look on his face, his t-shirt was half tucked into the waist band of his shorts, his shoes were untied and appeared to be on the wrong feet, no socks, and his legs looked a slightly darker shade, than they had been when he first came in.

“Here you go sweetie. “ She said smiling, holding the package out for him. Mathew reached out with trembling hands and took hold of the package.

“Th-Thank you, Mrs. N-Norton.” He stammered.

Mrs. Norton glanced down at his legs and saw the reason his legs looked darker.

‘Is he wearing pantyhose?’ She asked herself. ‘Why is that?’

Mrs. Norton quickly looked Mathew over then said.

“Tell your mother, I’ll send her the bill next week, ok?”

Mathew felt his mouth go dry as he drew the package closer to him.

“O-Ok.” He said slowly backing away. He then turned and practically ran out the store.

Mrs. Norton watched from the store front, as Mathew quickly put the package on the back of his bike; unlock his bike, and ride off.
When his was out of sight, she turned and went back to the dressing room area, and found the torn pantyhose package and his socks lying on the floor.

“Now why on Earth would he take a pair of pantyhose and put them on?” She said aloud to herself.

She bent down and picked up the discarded items and looked at closely as if they held the answers.

“Did he do it as a prank, or as a way to get attention?”

She walked back to the front of the store, and the main counter, where she proceeded to get a small store bag from under the counter. She then put the socks and pantyhose package in the bag, then taking a post-it note, she wrote Mathew’s name on it. She stared at the bag for a moment, then placed it under the counter out of sight, then went back to stocking the hosiery section.

Mathew peddled his bike faster than he had ever done before. In no time, he had gone from the department store to the play ground near his house in what seemed like seconds, rather than minutes. Quickly coming to a stop at the swing set, he got off his bike, and sat down on one of the swings.

Mathew balled up his hands and started banging his forehead with the heels of his fists, as a torrent of emotions crashed over him.
First he felt relief that Mrs. Norton didn’t notice that he ‘stole’ and put on a pair of girls pantyhose.

Secondly, he felt angry with himself for having done something like that, and talking himself into doing it in the first place.
Thirdly, he felt embarrassed at having been ‘caught’ by Mrs. Norton, even though he knew she had noticed he was wearing the pantyhose.

And lastly, he felt scared. Scared that Mrs. Norton might be at this very moment, on the phone, telling his mother.

‘Why!?’ The small section of his brain, that held onto his boy self, screamed. ‘Why are you doing this to me!?’

The rest of his brain remained silent.

“Mathew-san?” A voice said suddenly.

Mathew looked up to see two of his friends, Edward Sherman and Hinata Sekozawa, looking down at him.

“I thought it was you.” Hinata said bowing.

“Hey Matt.” Ed said.

Hinata and Ed, were the other two ‘best friends’ of Mathew’s life.

Hinata was Japanese. Even though he was born and raised in Canada, his parents were traditional Japanese. Meaning Hinata was traditional Japanese as well. He was polite, didn’t swear, and addressed his friends and Elders, in the proper manner and with the proper respect. He even wore a Japanese sailor style uniform to school; even though the school didn’t require, or have a uniform code. Their house was decorated inside like any Japanese house would be in Japan. At home they wore traditional Japanese clothing. The only thing that was untraditional about him, was at the start of the last school year, he announced to the whole class that, at twelve years of age, he was gay.

That announcement was all over the school by lunchtime, and didn’t make the rest of the day any easier. Not for Hinata at least. Anyone who tried to pick a fight with him, soon found out that he could defend himself with ease.

Edward on the other hand, was a different story. He lived with his Aunt since he was three. His parents were both in Federal Prison, serving life sentences for murder and drug possession.

He didn’t realize he was ‘different’, until one day when he was five. He had been playing in the front yard of his Aunt’s house, when a stranger walked up to him. The stranger said he had lost his dog, and asked if Ed would help him look for it. Being only five at the time and not having been told to never talk to strangers, Ed agreed. What happened next, changed Ed’s life forever.

The stranger led Ed to his car, and together they drove off. They drove to the deserted industrial part of town, where the stranger proceeded to molest Ed. The stranger didn’t get very far raping Ed however, for unbeknownst to the stranger and Ed, a neighbour had seen what had happened and called the police.

However the ‘damage’ had been done, by the time the police arrived. It wasn’t until almost five months later, that Ed confessed to his Aunt, that he felt different.

When she pressed him about it, Ed said he wanted to do what the stranger had done to him, with other boys. Concerned Ed would grow up to be a child molester, his Aunt sent him to a psychologist. After a year, the psychologist assured Ed’s Aunt, that Ed wouldn’t grow up to be another child molester, but that Ed was gay.

Mathew quickly glanced at both Hinata and Ed.

“Oh, it’s you two.” He said trying to keep his voice normal. ”What are you doing here?”

Hinata spoke.

“I was over at Edward’s house inviting him to dinner.”

“Aunt Gail was called to work late.” Ed said.

“If I may ask?” Hinata said noticing the anguished look on Mathew’s face. “Why were you hitting yourself on your head?”

“I don’t know.” He said. “Feeling sorry for myself.”

“Ah yes, your Birthday being canceled. I was most saddened to hear about that. But that does not explain why you were hitting yourself.”

“I just was alright!” Mathew said irritated. Hinata regarded him for a moment before speaking.

“Very well then.”

“What’s in the package, Matt?” Ed asked starting to move towards Mathew’s bike. Mathew noticed and quickly got off the swing and stood next to his bike.

“Keep away from that!” He snapped. “It’s for my cousin if you must now!”

Both Edward and Hinata were taken aback by Mathew’s sudden change in behaviour.

“I was just asking.” Edward said incredulously “Sheesh, you don’t have to bite my head off!”

“Look! Just leave me alone alright!”

Hinata was about to speak when a female voice suddenly interrupted him.

“Mathew!”

They all looked off in the direction of the voice, and saw April riding her bike towards them. She came to a stop next to Mathew’s bike, but didn’t dismount from hers.

“There you are!” She said with a slight annoyed lilt in her voice. “Your mom said you were on your way back from Hilroy’s. I waited for ten minutes, but when you hadn’t returned, I went looking for you!”

She then ‘noticed’ Hinata and Edward standing in front of Mathew. She gave them both a quick once over then said with the still annoyed lilt in her voice.

“Hello Hinata, Edward.”

“Good afternoon, April.” Hinata said bowing. Edward just half assed smiled and said hi. April nodded her acknowledgment of their greetings.

“If you two don’t mind. I’d like to talk to Mathew please” She said, then added. “Alone!”

“As you wish.” Hinata said bowing again.

Mathew watched both Hinata and Ed walk away, then looked at April with an annoyed look on his face.

“You didn’t have to be rude them!” Mathew said not picking up on the irony of his statement. “They’re your friends to!”

“Oh really! I suppose you were as polite to them as I am to you right now?”

Mathew looked at April confused.

“I heard you snapping at Edward as I rode up.” She said. “So who’s being rude now!?”

Hearing that, all the fight went out of Mathew, and he went and sat down on the swing again. April got off her bike and placed it next to Mathew’s, she went and stood in front of him with her hands on her hips.

“What do you want?” He said half-heartedly.

“I went to your house to see if you wanted to go swimming tomorrow.” She said. “But you mother said she sent you to get a package from Hilroy’s. So I waited for like ten minutes, but when you hadn’t showed up, I went looking for you.”

“Well you found me.” He said sarcastically.

April ignored Mathew’s remark. She just looked down at him with a firm look on her face. Mathew looked at her, and felt as if her gaze was burning into his soul.

“Well, what kept you?” She asked.

“I had to wait for Mrs. Norton to get the package.” Mathew said pointing to the mesh basket on the front of his bike.

April glanced at Mathew’s bike. When she turned back she suddenly noticed something different about his legs.

“Are you, are those pantyhose your wearing!?” She said in amazement.

“Shut-up!” Mathew replied angrily, standing up.

“They are. You’re wearing pantyhose!” She said smiling.

Mathew tried to get to his bike, but April blocked his path.

“What made you decide to get a pair of Pantyhose?”

“I didn’t exactly decide to get them.” Mathew confessed. “I was waiting while Mrs. Norton went to get the package, and I saw the display, so I grabbed a pair and ducked into one of the dressing rooms.”

“I was only going to look at them, but next thing I knew I ripped open the package and put them on. Then I heard Mrs. Norton returning, so I put my shorts back on and left when she gave me the package for Megan.”

April’s face went from being happy to angry as she listened to Mathew speak.

“Then you found me hear.” He concluded.

“Let me get this straight? You took a pair of pantyhose off the rack, opened them, and put them on, and left without paying?!”
Mathew nodded.

“That’s stealing, Mathew!” April said exasperated.

“Don’t you think I know that?” Mathew replied angrily, tears starting to well up in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to do it. I saw my reflection in the mirror, and it told me to put them on.”

“Whoa, wait a minute.” April suddenly said throwing her hands up.

Mathew looked at her.

“Your reflection in the mirror told you to put the pantyhose on?” She said suddenly being sympathetic.

“It wasn’t the ‘girl’ you from your dreams?”

“No.” Mathew said slowly shaking his head. “It was my reflection in the mirror.”

April regarded Mathew for a moment, then looked around and decided the playground was not the place to confront Mathew about this development. She was pleased to learn about this development, and glad he was okay. But she was still angry with him for making her have to go looking for him. She decided to discuss this with him later.

“Go over to the washroom and wipe your face off, then let’s go!” She said. “Your mother is waiting.”

Mathew sniffled, then stood up. Getting his bike he and April walk over to the public washrooms, and April waited outside while Mathew wiped his face. Then the two of them got back on their bikes and rode home.

Mathew and April rode their bikes up the street towards Mathew’s house. As they got closer, they could see Mathew’s mother standing on the front porch, watching them.

“My mom’s watching us.” He said nervously. “What if she sees the pantyhose?”

“Don’t worry about it.” April said. “She won’t notice.”

The two turned into the drive way and into the garage, all the time under the eyes of Mathew’s mother. They parked their bikes and Mathew took the package out of the front basket and walked into the house.

“Well it’s about time!” Sara said to the two, but addressed the statement more towards Mathew.

Mathew handed the package to his mother.

“I sent you for that forty-five minutes ago. What took so long?

“It’s my fault Mrs. Stevens.” April said before Mathew could speak.

Sara looked at April startled and confused.

“Your fault, April?”

“Yes. I knew you wanted Mathew to come right home. But I met him by the playground on his way back, and insisted we play on the swings.”

Sara looked at both children, then spoke to April.

“Alright then, just don’t let it happen again.”

“I won’t.” April said, then to Mathew. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” With that, April turned and left.

Sara looked at the package for a moment, then at Mathew. It was then that she noticed his socks were missing, and his legs looked slightly darker than usual. Mathew for his part, was unaware that his mother had noticed the pantyhose he was wearing. He was still watching April.

‘Are those girls’ pantyhose, he’s wearing?’ She asked herself as Mathew turned back to face her.

“You can go play.” She said.

“Okay.” He said and turned and walked away. In doing so, the light from inside the house reflected off the pantyhose, which confirmed Sara’s suspicion.

‘He is wearing girl’s pantyhose.’ She whispered to herself. ‘Why on earth is he wearing them?

Mathew entered is room and closed the door. He threw himself onto his bed and began pounding his fists into the mattress as he screamed into his pillows.

He felt like he was going insane. Almost every night, the ‘girl’ him invaded his dreams and kept telling him he was a girl, and that he should accept it. ‘Follow your heart.’ She kept saying. He kept tell in ‘her’ he wasn’t a girl, but ‘she’ wouldn’t let up. Now the mirror reflection of himself was telling him the same thing.

Mathew screamed into his pillows again, then rolled over on his back and stared up at the ceiling.

“I’m not a girl!” He said. “Am a boy and I will always be a boy!”

He looked down at his legs, and for a fleeting moment, had to admit, they did look good encased in the nylon material. But as quickly as he had the thought, he equally as quickly, pushed it out of his mind. Standing, Mathew kicked off his shoes, and removed his shorts. He then took off the pantyhose and stuffed them under his pillow. Mathew then put his shorts back on and went downstairs.

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Here is Chapter Three of Mathew's Secret Desire. I made some changes when I posted Chapter Two that didn't mesh with Chapter Three. As a result I had to rewrite Chapter Three. Don't you hate when that happens, hehe.

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Synopsys

Eleven year old Mathew Stevens is enjoying life to the fullest. He has Parents and a Sister that adore him.

His Teachers at School have nothing but praise for him and his grades are the norm for a person his age. His girlfriend, April is also his best friend.

Yes life is good. But Mathew has a secret, a secret that he has kept hidden away, for as long as he could remember. But now that secret is starting to fight back, it’s starting to fight its way to the surface, and it’s beginning to bother him.

Will he give in and let it consume him, or will he fight back and push it back into the depths of his soul, where he keeps it?
Only time will tell.

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Mathew’s Secret Desire
Chapter Three

Fred Steven’s pulled his car into the driveway and shut the engine off. He had been away for two weeks, on a business trip, and was now finally home. It wasn’t that it had been a grueling trip from a business point of view, far from it. It was all the traveling to the different cities that he had to go to.

But he was home now and he could relax and spend the rest of the summer with his family. Grabbing his suite case from the trunk, he walked into the garage and up the couple of steps into the house.

“Daddies home!’ He called out when he entered he kitchen. Sara, who had been standing at the counter washing some potatoes for supper looked up and smiled.

“Welcome home!” She said turning the tap off and drying her hands. She went over and wrapped her arms around Fred’s neck and gave him a big kiss.

“How was your trip?” She asked.

“Not too bad.” Fred said. “Just a lot of travelling. How have things been here?”

Sara sighed as they walked into the main bedroom.

“Not bad either.” She said with a touch of sadness in her voice. “I had to cancel Mathew’s Birthday Party.”

“Oh? What did he do to warrant that?”

“We got into an argument over a request from Vicky.” Sara said. “She had called and asked if Mathew would go down to Hilroy’s and try on the dress she had ordered for Megan’s party next week.”

“Doesn’t sound too bad.” Fred replied.

“Normally I would say no. But Mathew has been acting off of late. Not his usual cheerful self.”

“Off? How so?”

“Well a couple of times, I’ve caught him talking to himself, saying things like I’m not a girl. Or you can’t make me a girl.”

“That does sound strange.” Fred said looking at Sara.

“So when I asked him if he would do the favour for Vicky. Instead of the polite no I was expecting. He shouted he wasn’t going to wear a dress and stormed out of the kitchen.”

Fred sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Have you talked to Brenda about it?”

“No not yet.” Sara replied. “I was going to go over after supper this evening.”

“Good idea.” Fred replied. In the mean time I’ll have a talk with Mathew about his behaviour.”

“I don’t think that would be a good idea just yet.” Sara said quickly.

“I mean you just got home. You haven’t even had a chance to relax yet, and I dump this on you.”

Fred thought for a second.

“Maybe your right.” He said standing and opening his suite case.

He pulled an envelope out from one of the pockets inside and handed it to Sara. Sara too the envelope and looked at it.

“What is it?” She asked.

“The copy of Mathew’s Birth Certificate we send my mother.” Fred said. “I found it in her belongings she didn’t take to the Nursing Home.”

Sara opened the envelope and pulled out the Certificate. When she looked at it, she got the surprise of her life, for written on the piece of paper in big bold letters, was Mathew’s full name.

“Yeah I know.” Fred said when he saw Sara looking at him. “I had forgotten about that.”

“We better not let Mathew see this.” Sara said concerned. “With the way he’s been acting lately, this might make things worse.”

“I’ll put it in the safe after I’ve unpacked.” Fred said taking the envelope and certificate back from Sara.

“Okay. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

“Okay.” Fred said.

After supper, Sara called Brenda and asked if she could come over to talk about Mathew. Sara sat in Brenda’s living room discussing Mathew’s recent behaviour. Sara told Brenda about the argument they had and Mathew’s reaction.

“Has he ever acted this way before?” Brenda asked lifting her coffee cup and taking a sip.

“Never.” Sara said confidently. “And that’s what bothers me.”

Brenda contemplated what Sara had said. “You said you’ve caught him a couple of times referring to himself as a girl?”

“Yeah. I’ve asked him about it and he just seems to pass it off as a dream he’s had.”

“I see.”

Sara was starting to get a little concerned. Brenda noticed and smiled.

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t think it’s anything you need to be concerned about. But I would suggest you and Janice ease up of the teasing.”

Sara felt relived.

“You do that, I think he’ll come back around to being his normal self again.”

“Okay.” Sara said.

Both women talked for another hour before Sara left and went back home.

After Sara left, Brenda went into her home office and scanned the shelves for a book. She didn’t say anything to Sara, but Brenda had a suspicion as to the cause of Mathew’s behaviour troubles.

“Where is that book? Brenda asked the room as if expecting it to answer.”

“What book?” A voice suddenly said.

Startled, Brenda turned to see April standing just inside the room.

“Oh April, you startled me.”

“Sorry.” She said, then added. “What book?”

Brenda sat down in her desk chair and said.

“A book I had on diagnosing gender issues in children.” Her mother said looking through the desk. “I swore I had a copy of it here at home.”

Brenda straightened up and looked at April.

“You haven’t seen it have you?” She added almost as an afterthought.

“No I haven’t.” April said hesitating ever so slightly.

“Maybe I left it at the hospital.” She said standing.

April ran up to her room and closed her door. Her heart was racing as if she had run round the track at school several times, and her mind was filling up with questions.

“Shit!” She swore breathlessly. “I thought mom wouldn’t notice the book missing.”

April paced back and forth for several moments trying to figure out what to do. Why did her mother suddenly want the book? Was she suspicious of her or Mathew? How do I get the book back in her office without her noticing? How do I explain how it got back in her office, if she goes looking for it again?

April didn’t have an explanation for these question. Right now the though she should focus on calming down, and acting normal. Just then there came a knock on her bedroom door, and her mother’s voice on the other side.

“Yes.” She squeaked. Brenda opened the door and walked in.

“You have a mouse in here?” Brenda asked chuckling.

“Ewww! Mice!” April said pretending to be scared. Brenda just laughed.

“Can you help me do the dishes, please?”

“Okay mom.” April said and followed her mother downstairs.

Brenda and April stood next to the kitchen sink doing the supper dishes. Brenda washed them in the sink, while April dried them and put them on the dish rack. As they worked they talked.

“Have you noticed any difference in Mathew’s behaviour of late?” Brenda asked suddenly changing the subject as she handed April a glass.

April almost dropped the glass her mother was handing her, but she recovered before it hit the counter.

“No.” April said trying to keep herself calm. “Why do you ask?”

Brenda handed April another glass as she spoke.

“Sara says he’s been acting not at all like himself these past few days. She thinks it’s because she canceled his Birthday party. I was just wondering if you noticed anything.”

“No I haven’t.” She said drying a plate. “You know boys. They don’t need an excuse to act the way they do.”

“True.” Brenda said. “But Sara was worried about some statements she’s heard him say about being or not being a girl.”

This time April missed the plate that her mother was handing her altogether. It hit the edge of the counter and broke in half before falling on the floor and breaking into several more pieces.

Both Brenda and April quickly bent down to start and pick up the broken pieces. April in her haste, picked up one of the broken pieces the wrong way, and sliced one of her fingers.

“OWE!” April cried out in pain.

“Careful!” Brenda said looking up. When she saw Aprils cut finger she called out to her Husband.

“George!”

George Allan, was just descending the stairs when he heard the plate hit the counter and floor, Aprils’ cry of pain, and his wife call his name. He quickly entered the kitchen to see April holding her right hand by the first finger.

“Let me see.” He said grabbing April’s left hand and pulling it away. “That’s not bad. Run it under the tap for a second.”

George went to one of the other cupboards and got the first aid kit out. Being a Medical Doctor, he had placed first aid kits all over the house, so one was only a few steps away.

April rinsed her finger under the warm water for a couple of seconds like her father had said. He returned with the kit and a bottle of isopropyl rubbing alcohol.

“Dry you finger off.” He said as he unscrewed the cap and tipped the bottle so the alcohol soaked into a cotton ball he also had.
April dried off her finger then held it out to her father.

“This is going to sting.” He said and placed the soaked cotton ball on top of the open cut.

April cried out in pain and tried to pull her hand way, but her father had a firm grip on her hand. He couldn’t help but chuckle as he hold the cotton ball on for a couple of seconds longer.

“Told you it would sting.” He said removing the cotton ball and placing it on the counter, then picking up the band aid he took it out of the wrapper and placed it over the cut and wrapped the ends around April’s finger.

“There. All done.” He said.

“Thanks Daddy.” April said.

“You can go upstairs and read in your room for a while.” Brenda said.

“Okay Mommy.” She replied, and turned and left the kitchen.

Mathew was lying on his bed looking up at the ceiling. He and Janice had welcomed their father back over diner, and Mathew could feel both of his parents watching him as he had eaten. He suspected, his mother had told his father about what was going on, but his dad didn’t say anything, which relived Mathew greatly. Now if he could only get through the rest of the week without incident that would be great.

For some reason, he had turned his computer on after supper, but never used it. So he was a little surprised when he heard a beep that indicated he had an instant message.

He got off his bed and sat down at the desk. Tapping the mouse, brought up the message window, and he saw that the message was from April.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw the text. ‘I think we have a problem!’ It read. ‘I think my mom suspects something. She was asking me questions about if I noticed any change in your behaviour.’

‘What did you tell her?’ He wrote back.

‘I said I hadn’t noticed anything.’ April wrote.

‘What are we going to do?’ He asked. ‘If she tells my parents…’

‘Relax.’ April texted back immediately as if she was reading his mind. ‘Just act like your normal self, and everything will be fine.’
‘You sure?’

‘Yes, trust me.’

Mathew thought for a moment before replying. He wasn’t sure he could “act” like his normal self, and he wasn’t even sure what that was anymore. He turned in the chair and looked at the pillows on his bed. The pantyhose he had taken were still under there, and he had the strangest feeling they were calling out to him.

‘I’ll try.’ He wrote when he turned back to face the computer.

‘Good.’ April wrote back. ‘I have to go now. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘Okay. See you tomorrow.’

Mathew had just turned off the computer, when a knock came from his door. The door opened and his father stuck his head in.

“Can I come in, sport?” He asked.

“Whatever.” Mathew said sullenly as he stood and moved to sit on his bed.

Fred came in and pulled the computer chair next to the bed and sat down. Mathew lay down and looked up at the ceiling.

“Mom told me about what happened and why she doled out the punishment she did.” He said. “It’s not because you didn’t want to try on Megan’s dress to see if it fit. But because of the way in which you said no.”

Mathew flinched inside when his father mentioned his cousin’s dress.

“Now I know your Aunt Vicky can be a bit of a, I hate to use the word ‘flak’, but that’s how she can be at times.”
Mathew glanced at his father.

“And your mom did say she didn’t think you’d go for it, but she asked out of curiosity, nothing more. Your response was over the top, and that’s not how we raise you and Janice to behave.”

Fred paused to see if Mathew was going to say anything, but didn’t.

“April’s mother called to invite you to go swimming with them tomorrow, that’s what April came over this afternoon to ask.”

Hearing his father say that, Mathew seemed to perk up a bit, and he looked at his father with subdued excitement on his face.

“Now your mother said no.” Mathew felt his heart sink when his father said that. “But I changed her mind on the assumption, that it might do you some good. But it’s on one condition.”

Mathew looked at his father. The excitement returning to his face.

“You have to help her clean up the attic the day after. Deal?”

“Deal!’ Mathew said quickly sitting up.

“I thought that might cheer you up.” Fred replied. “But I have a condition also.” He quickly added.

“What’s that?” Mathew asked.

“That you stop all this sulking, you’ve been doing for the past week. Okay?”

“Okay dadd…I mean okay dad!”

“That’s the Mathew I know.” Fred said pleased with Mathew’s response.

Fred stood and pushed the chair back to the desk. Then turned back to Mathew.

“Now that that’s settled. You better get ready for bed.”

“Okay dad.”

“Good night Mathew.”

“Good night dad.”

Fred turned to leave but at the last moment turned back to look at Mathew, who suddenly jumped off his bed and wrapped his arms around his father’s waist. Fred was a bit taken aback, as Mathew hadn’t done anything like that since he was five years old.

“Thanks daddy.” Mathew said.

“Your welcome sport.”

Mathew released his hug, then run to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Fred walked out of Mathew’s bedroom and closed the door. He paused and looked at the closed door that lead into the bathroom from the hall, and thought about what Mathew had said.
‘Did he just call me daddy?’

Mathew woke the next morning feeling refreshed. Last night was the first night in a while, that he hadn’t had the dreams. Maybe this was a sign that things were changing. Or it could have been a sign that he was hungry, as his stomach growled. He got dressed and headed downstairs to have breakfast.

As he entered the kitchen, he saw Janice sitting at the island counter eating a bowl of cereal. She looked up as he sat down.

“Good morning sleepyhead!” She said smiling. “You look better this morning.”

“I feel better.” He said retuning Janice’s smile.

“Good.” Janice said ruffling his hair after he sat down on a stool next to her, “You had us all worried there, I don’t mind telling you.”

Mathew smiled sheepishly.

“Where’s Mom and Dad?” He asked,

They both went into work.” She replied.

“So what do you want for breakfast?” She asked. Mathew thought for a second, then spoke.

“Scrambled eggs, please.”

“Scrambled eggs coming up.” Janice said getting a sauce pan from under the stove. As she prepared to make Mathew’s breakfast she made small talk.

“So.” She said, as she cracked a couple into a mixing bowl. “You had a pretty good night, huh?”

“Yeah. “ Mathew said unsure of what Janice was up too. “Why do you ask?”

Janice took a fork and used it as a whisk to mix up the eggs before pouring the mixture into the sauce pan.

“Oh no reason.” She said whimsically. “Just I had to use the bathroom around midnight, and I heard noises coming from your room.”
Mathew was reading the color comics and froze. He looked up at his sister, as the good feeling he had vanished, and was replaced with fear.

“What kind of noises?” He asked slowly.

“I don’t know.” Janice said, as she moved the fork around in the sauce pan.

“The door to your room was closed, and I was too tired to really listen. But if I had to guess, I’d say you were talking in your sleep.”

Janice finished scrambling the eggs, and scooped them onto a plate, which she then placed in front of Mathew. She then placed a clean fork next to it and a glass of orange juice.

“Do you want any toast?” She asked oblivious to Mathew’s obvious discomfort.

“No.” He said taking a fork full of egg and eating it.

“What was I talking about?” He asked after swallowing he egg.

Janice looked at him for a second then said

“Nothing I could make heads or tails of. As I said, the door to your room was closed and I was too tired to think straight. Why?”

“No reason.” Mathew said.

Janice looked up at the wall clock and suddenly stood up and placed her bowl in the sink.

“Shoot, I’m late.” She said. “I’m meeting the gang at Forest Hill Trails in half an hour!”

She rinsed out her bowl and put it in the dishwasher. She then grabbed her jacket off the back of one of the kitchen chairs, then turned to Mathew.

“You going to be okay until April gets here?” She asked.

I’ll be okay.” He said.

“Good. Don’t forget to lock the door and put the alarm on when you leave. Have fun swimming.” Janice said and turned and left the kitchen.

Mathew finished eating his eggs, then rinsed the plate and fork off and put them in the dish washer. After that, he went back upstairs to his room and got his bathing suite out of the dresser, and a towel out of the linen closet. He then put both items in his school gym bag and went back downstairs.

Two minutes later he heard the doorbell ring and April standing on the porch.

“All set?” April asked.

“Yes.” He said grabbing his bag. Mathew pushed a button on a control panel for the door alarm, then locked and closed the front door.
Both he and April walked down the steps and the walkway to Brenda’s car, which was parked on the street.

When they reached the car, Mathew open the car door and held it open so April could get in.

‘Just like a proper little gentlemen.’ Brenda thought to herself.

Once everyone was in, Brenda drove off.

They arrived at the pool and everyone went into their respective change rooms. Mathew looked over his shoulder as he entered the boys change room and saw April looking back at him. Unconsciously he wished he could go with April and change in there.

Mathew found an empty locker away from everyone else in the change room, and started to undress. When he was down to his underwear, he suddenly heard a voice behind him.

“Well, well, if it isn’t puny Mathew Steven’s”

Mathew spun around startled, to find Armin Gottschalk standing behind him. Armin was the school bully who always picked on just about everyone. Unfortunately for the ‘victims’, Armin was never punished for his actions. That’s because his father was the principal and always looked the other way.

“What do you want Armin?” Mathew said.

“You’re in the wrong change room you little pantyhose wearing, sissy fag.” Armin said with a sneer in his German accented voice.

Mathew felt his heart sink into the pit of his stomach. He broke out in a cold sweat as he looked at Armin’s face. How did Armin know he had worn pantyhose? As if reading Mathew’s mind Armin said.

“I saw you and your little girlfriend in the park the other day, but you didn’t see me.”

Mathew’s mind raced, as he tried to think of something to say.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Mathew said nervously.

“Don’t give me that shit!” Armin said leaning closer to Mathew. “I heard you and your little girlfriend talking also.”

Mathew was at a loss for words. Here was Armin Gottschalk, the school bully, confronting him about wearing girl’s pantyhose. If he found out his secret, Armin could make his life hell.

“What’s the matter sissy fag!? Nothing to say!?”

“I wore them as a joke.” Mathew said finally finding his voice.

“A joke!?” Armin said almost laughing. “That’s bull shit Steven’s. You’re a sissy fag and you know it, just like that Chink and his little fag of a friend!”

“Hinata’s not Chinese, he’s Japanese!” Mathew said letting his voice rise.

Armin just sneered at Mathew.

“Chinese, Japanese, makes no difference to me!” Armin said. “They’re all a bunch slant eyed scum!”

“That will be enough out of you Mr. Gottschalk!” The voice of the life guard said. Armin turned around.

“I’ve warned you before about your behaviour in here!”

“I wasn’t doing anything.” Armin said acting innocent.

“Half the change room heard you!” The Life Guard said. “Now I want you out of this change room and out of this building!”

Armin looked as if he was going to strike out at the Life Guard, but the little commotion had caused a small group of people to start to gather.

“My father will hear about this!” He said loudly as he pushed his way through the still gathering crowd.

“Alright people, nothing more to see here.” The Life Guard said dispersing he crowd. When they had gone, he turned to Mathew.
“You alright, Mr. Steven’s?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Mathew said wearily, sitting down on the bench.

“You hurry and change.” The Life Guard said. “I’ll tell your friends you’ll be out momentarily.”

“Okay.” Mathew replied.

Mathew exited he change room a couple of minutes later. April was the first to spot him and she hurried to him. When she saw the worried and frightened look on his face she became concerned.

“What’s the matter?” She asked taking Mathew’s arm.

“Nothing!” Mathew said bluntly.

“Well then, let’s go swimming.” April said and led Mathew to the edge of the pool.

They both jumped into the pool, and after a few short minutes, Mathew’s mood changed and he began to have fun. They played in the water for what seemed like hours, until Brenda called them over and told them it was time to go home.

“But we just got in.” April whined.

“You’ve been in here for an hour and a half.” Brenda said countering April. “Now it’s time to go home.

“Aww man!”

Both children reluctantly got out of the water and headed for the change rooms to shower and change. Mathew hesitated for a moment before going into the men’s change room. He hopped Armin wasn’t still in there.

After he had showered and changed, Mathew left the change room to find April and Cindy sitting on a bench. Brenda was a short distance away and seemed to be talking on her cell phone.

She spotted Mathew and was starting to walk towards him, when Armin Gottschalk and his father Harmon walked into the lobby. Armin spotted Mathew and made a bee line for him.

“That’s him father!” He pointed, and said deliberately loud enough for the people in the lobby to hear. Brenda stopped walking towards Mathew and turned around.

“Mathew Steven’s. He’s the one who got me kicked out of here!”

“How dare you get my son in trouble, Steven’s!” Harmon Gottschalk said in the same loud voice as his son. He was also making a bee line towards Mathew, but Brenda moved and stood in his way, April also stood up and stood in Armin’s way as he tried to make a grab for Mathew.

“Out of my way woman!” Harmon said angrily trying to move around Brenda.

“I will do no such thing Mr. Gottschalk!” Brenda said standing her ground. “From what I heard, it was your son who got himself kicked out of this pool. Mathew had nothing to do with it!”

Harmon Gottschalk raised his right hand and pointed at Mathew, and was about to speak, when Brenda continued speaking herself.

“I would love to stand here and discuss your dilutions, but I have a bit of an emergency to deal with at the moment!”

Brenda turned and faced her kids and Mathew.

“Come along girls!” She said unconsciously including Mathew in her statement.

April, in her own act of childish behaviour, stuck her tongue out at Armin as she grabbed Cindy’s and Mathew’s hands, and led them away. Brenda marched out of the lobby and directly to her car with April, Cindy and Mathew in tow. Once they were all inside, she turned to Mathew.

“You’re going to be staying with us tonight.” She said calmly and sympathetically. “Janice had an accident while she was running, and had to be taken to the hospital.”

Mathew’s jaw dropped like a stone. Janice was hurt and in the hospital!? This was all too much for him to take in, and he started crying. April put her arms around him trying to comport him, and Brenda reach over the back of the seat to gently touch his shoulder.

“It’s okay, sweetie.” She said soothingly. “Janice is going to be alright. Dr. George, just wants her to stay in the hospital overnight for observation. She’ll be home tomorrow.”

Mathew just continued crying.

“Tell you what. We’ll go see your mom and dad at the hospital for a few minutes, then I’ll take you out for some ice cream. Okay?”
Mathew stopped crying long enough to simply nod his head yes. Brenda smiled then turned around and started the car and drove off.

Once at the hospital, they quickly found Sara and Fred along with Janice’s girlfriends in the waiting room. Mathew ran up to his parents and the all hugged each other.

“You didn’t have to come here, Brenda.” Fred said.

“I know, but I felt it might make Mathew feel better if we did. We’ll only stay for a few minutes.” Fred nodded.

“How’s Janice?” Mathew asked.

“She’s going to be okay, sweetie.” Sara said. “But she might have to stay in the hospital a few days longer that we thought.”

“Why?”

“Janice hurt her upper right arm a bit worse than was thought.” Sara said. “When Dr. George was examining her, her bicep suddenly started hurting a lot more.
"She developed what is called a Compartment Hemorrhage.” George continued Sara’s explanation at Mathew’s confused expression.

“A Compartment Hemorrhage, is when a part of the body, usually the fore arms or lower legs fills with blood. It is very painful and requires surgery to fix. Luckily it happened when I was examining Janice and we were able to operate right away.”

“Will she be okay, George?” Fred asked.

George smiled and tussled Mathew’s hair in reassurance.

“She’ll be okay. Her arm’s going to be sore for a few days, and have to be kept immobile, but otherwise she’ll make a full recovery.”

“See honey.” Sara said. “Janice is going to be okay.”

“April?” Brenda said. “Why don’t you and Mathew go sit down? I want to talk to Sara and Fred for a moment.”

“Okay mom.” April said and led Mathew to a couple of empty chairs.

All the while April and Mathew were standing with their respective parents. Janice’s girlfriends were talking amongst themselves. At first, it was about what happened out on the running trail. But as soon as they saw Mathew, they immediately focused their discussions on him.

“I don’t believe it!” A red haired girl named Beth whispered to the others. “Janice is right. From here he looks like a girl!”

“Don’t be silly, Beth!” A dark haired girl named Amy said. “He looks nothing like a girl. All I see is a boy.”

Beth looked at Amy with a scowl on her face.

“Then your blind, Amy.” Beth said looking back at Mathew. “I look at him and I can see what Janice has been saying.”

“I have to disagree with you Beth.” Another girl said. I don’t see it.”

“Then you blind too Cassie.” Amy said.

“I think I see what you’re saying Amy.” The forth girl of the group said. All the other girls turned and look at her.

“Don’t look at the physical appearance. Look at the way he moves, the minute way in which he holds himself. They are signs of a girl trapped in a boy’s body.”

“Exactly, Rachel.” Beth said as they all turned and looked back at Mathew again. After a couple of seconds Amy said.

“I’m sorry, but I still don’t see it. I still see a boy.”

“You know, when you put it that way, Rachel.” Cassie said slowly. “I do see what you’re saying.”

“Oh come on Cassie!” Amy said letting her voice rise. Beth and the others all made motions to tell Amy to keep her voice down.

“Oh come on!” She said again in a hushed tone. “You can’t possibly believe that.”

“Yes I can.” Cassie said. “Looking at him the way Rachel described. I can see it.”

Amy rolled her eyes and made a harrumph noise.

By this time April and Mathew had made their way over to the two empty chairs and sat down. April put her arms around Mathew again to comfort and hold him. Beth and the others continued talking thinking they weren’t being overheard.

“I don’t care what you say, Cassie!” Amy said. “I could look at him all day, and all I’d see is a boy! I don’t know what the rest of you see!”

“Well you’re not looking hard enough!” Beth said angrily. “Stop looking at the small picture, and start looking at the whole. There is a difference!”

Amy was about to say something but was interrupted by Rachel, as she looked over at April, who was looking back at them with an angry look on her face.

“Don’t look now guys, but I think we’re being stared at.”

All the girls looked over at April, who by now had stood and walked the short distance, to stand next to them.

“Will you keep your voices down!?” April whispered angrily at them. “His sister has been hurt. He doesn’t need her friends talking about him like he’s a freak show!”

“Now wait just a minute!” Amy said taking offence.

“No you wait a minute! Mathew is my friend and I won’t tolerate anyone trash talking about him behind his back. Got it!?”

“Whoa!” Beth said suddenly, trying to defuse the rising situation. “You’re April Allan right?”

“Yes.” April said taken aback.

“We didn’t mean to talk about him like that.” Rachel said.

“We were commenting on how much Janice says he’s acting like a girl, that’s all.”

April was shocked by what was just said by two of girls standing before her. They could see what she saw in Mathew? How was that possible? April thought she was the only one who could see it? And now to find out that a group of Janice’s friends could see it also, bewildered her.

“How could you tell? She asked carefully.

“Janice said by the way he moves and holds himself.” Beth said repeating what Rachel had said.

April looked at Beth and the others, then over to Mathew, then back to the girls again.

“Alright.” She said hardening her voice. “So you all see what I see.”

“I don’t.” Amy interjected.

“Okay, most of you. But that still doesn’t forgive you all for talking about her like that.” April continued, referring to Mathew as ‘her’ for the first time.

“We’re sorry.” Cassie said. “We didn’t mean any harm by it.”

April looked the girls over one last time, before softening her stance.

“Okay. Just don’t let me hear you talking about her like that again.”

“We won’t. I promise.” Beth said as Rachel and Cassie nodded. All eyes turned to Amy who just stood there as if nothing had happened. She looked at April and the other with a questioning look on her face.

“What?

The other’s just glared at her.

“Fine!” She said in a huff. “I promise. Happy now?”

April nodded slowly, then walked back over to Mathew, just as her mother approached.

“Everything alright?” She asked April.

April looked up and smiled at her mother.

“Fine.” She said. “I was just talking to Janice’s friends over there.”

Brenda glanced over at the four teenage girls, then back to April.

“Well your father says Janice will have to stay in the hospital for about three or four days.” She said to April then to Mathew. “So you get to stay with us for that time, Mathew.”

This news excited April to no end. She jumped up and down and clapped her hands in glee.

“Goodie, goodie!” She exclaimed. “We can have treat it like a sleep over and…..”

“Not so fast young lady.” Brenda said trying to hide her amusement at April’s obvious over the top reaction.

“There will be no all-night gab sessions or pillow fights understand?”

April pouted like a little girl, which only served to make it difficult for her mother to keep a straight face.

Brenda cleared her throat which helped her regain her composure.

“I’m serious April.”

April stopped the little girl pouting and looked at her mother.

“Okay.” She said honestly. Brenda smiled.

“Now let’s go get that ice cream, I promised.”

With that, they left the waiting room and headed to Brenda’s car.

===========================================================================

Author's Note: Here's Chapter Four of Mathew's Secret Desire. Sorry for the delay in posting, like Chapter Three I had to do some re-writing. I also apologise for any spelling or grammar errors as my spell and grammar checker is Canadian English.

So please enjoy and as usual constructive criticism always grateful.

===========================================================================

Mathew’s Secret Desire
Chapter Four

They left the hospital, and Brenda took them for ice cream as she had said she would.

As she drove out of the parking lot, Brenda adjusted the rear view mirror so she could see both Mathew and April in the back seat, while still being able to see traffic behind her.

Brenda looked at Mathew for any signs that might explain his behaviour. So far all she could see was a distraught little boy, who just found out his sister was hurt. Nothing that would explain why he was wearing pantyhose, when he came back from doing an errand for his mother.

They pulled into the parking lot of a McDonalds, and got out of the car. Inside they each ordered what they wanted then sat down at a table when the order was filled.

“How you doing, Mathew?” Brenda asked as they ate.

Mathew paused for a second before replying.

“I’m okay.” He said sounding a little disheartened. “I’m just a little tired.”

“That’s understandable.” Brenda said. “Today has turned out to be a tiring day after all.” She took a bite of her ice cream then continued.

“What was all fuss with Armin Gottschalk at the pool? Why did he pick on you?

“He’s Armin Gottschalk!” April said stepping in to answer for Mathew, not realizing, she was actually rescuing him from trying to come up with an answer on his own.

“He picks on everyone. He doesn’t need a reason.”

“And he gets away with it, because his father’s the Principal.” Mathew said.

A customer quickly walked by the table at that moment, causing a bit of a breeze. Mathew brushed his right hand up and over his ear to put a stray hair back into place. The only problem, was that Mathew had short which didn’t even come down to his ears.

‘That definitely was a feminine gesture.’ Brenda thought to herself. ‘And he held his hand and arm, just like a girl would.’

“So he just picked on you because you just happened to be in the change room?”

“I guess so.” Mathew said finishing his ice cream cone and picking up the napkin off the table to wipe his mouth, which surprised Brenda.

Most boys would simply just wipe their mouths on their sleeves, or with the back of their hands. But Mathew picked up the napkin and deliberately dabbed his mouth!

That was the second feminine gesture Brenda had seen Mathew do, and it didn’t even look like he knew he was doing them.

“Let’s finish up.” Brenda said to April and Cindy. “I need to buy some extra groceries if Mathew’s staying with us.”

April and Cindy finished their ice cream cones, and together they all left the restaurant.

Brenda pulled her car into the driveway an hour later. Mathew helped April and her mother carry the grocery bags into the kitchen and put the stuff away. When they were done, Mathew and April went up to her room to talk.

“So what really happened in the Men’s change room?” April asked closing her door. Mathew sat down on the edge of April’s bed.

“Armin said he overheard you and me talking about the pantyhose I was wearing.”

“I didn’t see him….”April started to say, then realized her mistake.

“Of course!” She said sounding annoyed. “The tree next to the swings. He must have been either behind it or up it.”

April sat down on the bed next to Mathew and rested her elbows on her knees.

“I’m sorry Mathew.” She said solemnly. “I screwed up, big time.”

“It’s okay.” He said. “I guess I’ll have to try and avoid Armin at school.”

“Maybe he’ll forget about it by the time school starts in September.” April said standing and going to look out her window.

“Don’t bet on it.”

April suddenly clenched her fists and screwed up her face. She made a very aggressive growling sound and turned and started pacing.

“I need to think.” She paced back and forth a couple of times, then stopped at the foot of her bed and looked at Mathew.

“Tell me exactly what was said!”

Mathew shifted around on the bed so he was facing April and began telling her what happened. He said he had removed his clothes down to his underwear, when Armin was suddenly behind him. He said Armin started calling him names, and that he was in the wrong change room.

Mathew said to Armin, that he didn’t know what he was talking about. Armin said besides seeing Mathew and April, he also overheard them talking. In desperation, Mathew said it was a joke, which Armin didn’t believe. He then started calling Hinata and Edward names, and that’s when the Life Guard came in and told Armin to leave.

“So Armin really knows nothing.” April said. “You’re secret is still safe.”

“You think so?” Mathew asked.

“Yes I do!” April said sitting back down on the edge of the bed. “Not unless he guesses or you blab it to someone.”

Mathew looked down at the floor.

“Let’s hope so.” He replied lying back on the bed and closing his eyes. Within seconds he was asleep so April got up and carefully straightened out his legs, then she took her house coat off the closet door, and draped it over Mathew.

Brenda was in the kitchen busy making lunch. Although it was now the middle of the afternoon, and all they really had to eat was ice cream cones, she felt that a proper meal was required.

As she worked, she replayed the conversation she had with Mathews’ parents at the hospital.

“I had a thought after our conversation the other day.” Brenda said.

“With your permission, I’d like to talk to Mathew about what might be bothering him?” She asked the both of them.

Fred and Sara looked at each other, then to Brenda.

“Sure.” Fred said. “Whatever you think is best. But what is that thought you said you had.”

Brenda turned and looked at Mathew and April sitting off in the distance.

“Well, I’m not positive, but I think he might have gender identity issues.” She said turning back to face Sara and Fred.

“What do you mean!?” Fred asked concerned. “You saying Mathew thinks he’s a girl!?”

Brenda could see that this news was a shock to both Fred and Sara. The last thing she wanted to do was upset them or cause a scene.

“That’s why I want to talk to him.” Brenda said quickly. “If he does have issues with gender, it’s important we find out now, so he can get help.”

Fred looked at Mathew sitting there. April could be seen talking to a group of girls.

“Like I said. What you feel is best.” Fred said. “We trust you, Brenda.”

With that it was arranged that Mathew would spend a few days with Brenda and George, while Janice recuperated at the hospital. It was also decided to wait until after Janice was home before Brenda talked to Mathew.
Brenda finished making the sandwiches for lunch, then called Mathew, April and Cindy down to eat.

The three of them came into the kitchen and sat down at the table, and began to eat. Brenda watched the children, especially Mathew for any sign of what might be bothering him. There was nothing overly apparent that would explain things, but Brenda did notice a couple of things.

The first, Mathew was sitting with one leg folded under his butt. What eleven year boy did that? The second, he was taking small girl size bite of his sandwich, not the usual boy size. That was definitely more of a girl trait rather than a boys. Once they had finished lunch, April took Mathew and went outside to play.

The rest of the day went by uneventful. Brenda kept a watchful eye on Mathew and noticed a few more girlie traits pop up now and then. It looked like Mathew didn’t even know he was doing them, which made Brenda think that there was a definite female persona trying to get out.

Mr. Allan came home around six, and said that Janice was doing just fine when Mathew asked. With luck, she should be home in the next couple of days, but would need help getting around and doing things.

After eating supper, they watched television till it was time for bed. April went to her room to change, while Mathew went to the guest room.

Mathew sat on the bed looking out the window. In all the excitement of the day, there was one thing that was overlooked. What was he going to sleep in? He didn’t have his pajamas and he didn’t have a key to get into his house.

He was about to resign himself to sleeping in his underwear, when there came a knock on the bedroom door.

“Yes?” He said standing. The door opened and Brenda walked in. She stopped just inside the door way with her hands behind her back.

“How you doing, Mathew?” Brenda asked.

“Okay I guess.” He said looking down at the floor. Brenda walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Everything will be okay.” Brenda said soothingly. “Janice will be home in a few days, and things can settle down.”

Brenda paused for a moment before continuing.

“Now I know with everything that has gone on today, you don’t have any pajamas to sleep in.” She said bringing the hand behind her back around front.

“So I got one of April’s old pajama sets that she doesn’t wear anymore.”

Mathew didn’t say anything. He looked at the pajama set that Brenda was holding in front of him in wonderment. The pajamas were pink, with white and blue flowers all over them, and the only thought going through his mind at that moment, was to wear them.

“I know they’re girls’ pajamas.” Brenda said. “But it’s either these or you sleep in your underwear.”

“I’ll wear the pajamas.” Mathew said hesitantly. He reached out and took the pajamas from Brenda.

“Okay.” Brenda said letting Mathew take the pajamas. “There should be a clean toothbrush in the bathroom. Get changed and brush your teeth. You’ve got ten minutes.” With that Brenda left the room.

Mathew looked at the pajamas for a moment, before remembering Brenda said he had ten minutes to get changed and brush his teeth. He quickly removed his clothes, then put the pajamas on. They felt a little snug, but they were designed to fit a girl and not a boy.
Mathew saw his reflection in the full length mirror that was on the wall next to the walk in closet door. To his surprise it didn’t talk to him like it had done at Hilroy’s, when it had told him to try the pantyhose on.

After a second, Mathew went into the bathroom and brushed his teeth, then went back into the bedroom and got into bed. Brenda knocked on the door a couple of minutes later.

“All set I see.” She said when she entered. “How do the pajamas fit?”

“They’re a little snug.” He said sitting up. Brenda went over and looked for herself.

“Well they’ll do for a couple days.” She said. “Now lie down and get some sleep.”

Mathew lay back down and closed his eyes, as Brenda turned the table light out, leaving the only light in the room coming from the hall.
“Goodnight sweetie.” She said softly and left the room.

The next couple of days passed without much unwanted excitement. Brenda continued to observe Mathew, and what she saw, only confirmed her suspicions of the cause for Mathews’ outburst at his mother, and recent behaviour. She had mentioned to George, Mathew’s reaction or lack of reaction, to being handed an old pair of Aprils’ pajamas to wear the first night.

“That doesn’t sound like what Sara described.” George said.

“No it doesn’t.” Brenda said getting into bed herself.

“He didn’t even put up a fuss when I gave him the choice of either the pajamas, or sleeping in his underwear.”

“Well you’ll get to the bottom of it like you always do.” George said.

“I will.” Brenda said as she turned out the table light.

Two days after Janice was released from the hospital, Mathew sitting in the media room watching television, when Janice hobbled up to the doorway.

“There you are.” She said leaning on the door jam. “Mom has to go downtown to the office, and I need your help with carrying some stuff.

Mathew looked up from the television and sighed. He really didn’t want to help anyone with anything, but since Janice hurt herself, he didn’t have a choice. And he had promised his father, he wouldn’t sulk around the house. But after the incident at the pool, he was finding it harder to keep that promise.

“Fine.” He said in a less than enthusiastic tone.

Janice carefully backed-up and turned around as Mathew stood and slowly walked to the doorway.

Janice carefully and gingerly walked to the front door followed by Mathew. Their mother was waiting there for them, and held the outside door open for them to walk through.

“You don’t have to do this, Janice.” Sara said watching.

“I know.” Janice grimaced as she made the short hop down to the porch. “But if I don’t move around and do something, I’ll go crazy!”
Mathew felt bad for Janice. He hated seeing her like this. But with everything that had happened since his birthday party had been canceled, things seemed to be spiraling out of control.

Mathew slowly walked behind Janice as they made their way to their mother’s suv. He waited and watched as Janice carefully got in the front passenger seat, then got in the seat behind her, where he helped Sara put the shoulder belt behind Janice’s’ back, rather than across her chest. Once that was done, Sara walked around to the driver’s side and got in. She turned to Mathew and spoke.
“I want you to held Janice with whatever she asks.” Sara said firmly. “Okay?”

Mathew just nodded. Sara turned back around to face the front, then started the engine and backed out of the driveway, and drove off.

Sara brought the suv to a halt in front of her Real Estate office. Mathew and Janice got out as Sara got out and walked around to the passenger side.

“Alright you two.” She said to them both. “I should be only half an hour. So again, Mathew please help Janice and please be respectful.”

“Fine.”

Sara just looked at Mathew for a second then continued.

“When I’m done I’ll join you in Hilroy’s.”

“Okay mom.” Janice said, the carefully turned and started walking to the corner.

Sara watched Janice and Mathew make their way from the Real Estate office all the way to Hilroy’s, before she herself turned and went into the office.

“Do I have to go with you?” Mathew said in a whiny timid tone.

Janice looked down at him with a stern look on her face.

“Do you really expect me to go in there and carry stuff with only one arm?

Mathew looked at her and felt regret for what he had said.

“No.” He replied looking down at the ground.

“I didn’t think so.” Janice said. “Now please hold the door open for me.”

Mathew did as Janice asked, but as he reached for the handle, he noticed the sign on the door that in big red letters said.

‘Warning: Shoplifting Is A Crime. Shoplifters Will Be Prosecuted To The Full Extent Of The Law! You Have Been Warned!’

Mathew couldn’t help but swallow hard as he pulled on the handle and opened the door for Janice. He hoped they didn’t run into Mrs. Norton as he followed behind his sister. However, his hope was dashed as soon as they entered, for Mrs. Norton was the first person they ran into.

“My goodness, Janice!” Mrs. Norton said concerned, as she walked over to them. “What happened child!?”

“Hi Mrs. Norton.” Janice said. “I tripped while I was out running in Forest Park last weekend. My foot caught an exposed tree root.”
“Oh dear.”

“Yeah, twisted my left ankle not too badly.” Janice said as Mrs. Norton looked her up and down.

“But when I fell, I landed hard on my right arm, right on an exposed rock. I can barely move my arm.”

Mrs. Norton looked at Janice with a concerned and sympathetic look on her face.

“Which trail were you on?” Mrs. Norton asked.

“Potter’s Run 3. It goes down by the river and is the hardest one in the Park.”

Mrs. Norton nodded her head. “Not many people use that one because of that.”

“Yes, it’s lucky I was with me friends. They got help there in minutes. Who knows how long it might had been, if I was by myself?”
“Yes you’re lucky.”

Just then one of the other sales associates walked up to them.

“Excuse me Mrs. Norton!” The young lady said a bit flustered. “I need your assistance please!”

Mrs. Norton looked at the young lady and could tell just by her look, she was dealing with a problem customer. At that, her demeanour changed from one of concerned friend, to business owner. Mrs. Norton turned back to Janice and Mathew.

“If you will excuse me, Janice.” She said, then turned back to the young sales associate. “Lead on Miss Kepler.”

With that, Mrs. Norton and the sales associate walked off, leaving Janice and Mathew alone. Mathew felt a sense relief wash over him, that Mrs. Norton didn’t say anything about the pantyhose he had ‘stolen’ in front of Janice. He didn’t relish the idea of having to explain, to Janice or Mrs. Norton, why he had taken them. He was still ‘lost’ in his train of thought, that he didn’t notice that Janice had started walking away, without him, until she looked back and called his name.

“Mathew!” Janice said in an annoyed tone. Mathew looked up at Janice startled.

“What is it with you these days!?” She continued. “It’s like you’re off in your own little world or something!” Mathew just looked down at the floor and said nothing.

“Well come on then!” Janice said, clearly frustrated with her younger brother’s behaviour.

Sara finished up her work at the real estate office sooner than she had thought. After putting away the files she had worked on, she locked the front door, and headed over to Hilroy’s. She approached the store, just as Mrs. Norton and an elderly gentleman exited. They appeared to be in a heated discussion.

“I don’t care what you think about it, Mr. Gottschalk!” Sara heard Mrs. Norton say in an angry tone of voice to the man, as she approached. “It was a typographical error that wasn’t caught in time!”

“I find that very hard to believe!” The man replied in the same angry tone, but with a heavy German accent.

“Believe whatever you want Hansel Gottschalk. The fact still remains, it was a typographical error and no amount of complaining will change it!”

Mr. Gottschalk was about to interrupt Mrs. Norton, but she continued ‘talking.’

“And if you ever harass one of my employees like that again, I will have thrown out of this store and banned for life. Do I make myself clear!?”

Mr. Gottschalk opened his mouth to speak, but then noticed the crowd that was starting to gather around them. Without saying a word, he turned on his heel and walked away.

“What was all that about, Karen?” Sara asked as the crowd dispersed.

“Oh Sara, Hi.” Mrs. Norton said as the two women walked into the store.

“Mr. Gottschalk!” She said almost spitting the name out of her mouth. “Was complaining about the hosiery ad in the local magazine.”
“Oh that!” Sara said with a humorous tone in her voice.

“He was harassing one of the sales associates. I told him it was an error that was missed. But he kept going on about it.”

Sara shook her head. She knew what Mrs. Norton was talking about, as Brenda; on numerous occasions, said the Mr. Gottschalk would go on and on about something he didn’t like or what someone else did, that he didn’t like at the hospital. He made working in the Psychology Department very uncomfortable.

“I know what you mean.” Sara said. “My neighbour works in the Psychology Department at the hospital. She says he can be a real tyrant at times with the staff.”

Mrs. Norton turned and looked at Sara.

“Oh I can believe it.” She said. “That man is going to rub the wrong people the wrong way one of these days, and he’s going to pay the price for it.”

Mrs. Norton paused for a moment as if in thought.

“Oh by the way.” She said continuing. “I’m sorry to hear about Janice getting hurt.”

Sara sighed and shook her head.

“Thank you, Karen.” Sara replied. “Yes that was a shock. Didn’t expect that to happen, but it could have been much worse. Speaking of which, she and Mathew are supposed to be in here?”

“I saw them in ‘Ladies Wear’” Mrs. Norton replied.

“Thank you, Karen.” Sara said. “Talk to you later.”

Mrs. Norton smiled and nodded and both ladies headed off in different directions.

Janice sat on the arm of a chair, alone. Her left forearm rested on the top of the crutch, and her chin rested on top of her arm. She was both tired and bored.

She and the rest of the store had heard the altercation between Mr. Gottschalk and Mrs. Norton, and watched as Mrs. Norton escorted Mr. Gottschalk out of the store. Now she was alone, and waiting for Mathew to come back from the washroom. That was almost ten going on fifteen minutes ago, and Janice was just about ready to get up and march, as best she could, into the men’s washroom to find Mathew. It was at that moment that her mother showed up.

“There you are.” She said. “Where’s your brother?”

Janice was tempted to say something sarcastic like, ‘You mean Mr. I’m too moody for my own good to help my injured sister with clothes shopping?’ But instead said.

“Mathew went to the men’s room. But that was like ten to fifteen minutes ago.” Sara noticed the lack of clothes that Janice had said she wanted to do.

“Not getting anything?” Sara asked. Janice shook her head.

“Not when my arm’s in a sling. Makes trying stuff on rather difficult.”

She glanced at the big wall clock mounted on the far wall, and her face clouded over in annoyance.
“What’s taking him so long!?” She said letting the annoyance show in her voice.

Sara knew that Janice was starting to get impatient. Janice had always hated to be kept waiting, even as a child. It was a trait she knew she didn’t like, but she had improved as she got older. But now, being injured, it was a lot more evident.

“I’m going to go get him!” Janice said trying to stand.

“Whoa there, Janice!” Sara said placing a hand on her daughter’s hand.
“I’ll get him. You just sit there and wait.”

“But.”

“No buts young lady!” Sara said firmly. “I’ll not have any daughter of mine going into a men’s room.” With that, Sara headed to the back of the store.

Sara rounded the end of the aisle, and was about to turn into the men’s room, when something caught her attention. She stopped in her tracks next to a column and looked down the aisle. What she saw both startled and shocked her to some degree. Half way down the aisle, was Mathew in the young girls dress section. He was standing in front of a circular rack of dresses, and in each hand he held a dress. Sara watched as he alternated holding each dress in front of him, while looking in a full length mirror beside him.
‘What in the world is he doing!?’ Sara thought to herself as she watched him.

‘Is he trying to see how he looks in each dress?’

Sara didn’t know what she should do. Should she be angry and storm down the aisle and demand to know what he was doing? Or should she slowly walk up to him and let him think he had been caught doing something. She just didn’t know.

Sara watched for a couple more seconds, before deciding to walk up to him. She was just about to step out from behind the column, when Mr. Norton appeared out of nowhere, and stood next to Mathew.

“I’d go with the light blue floral print.” Sara heard Mr. Norton say with a humorous lilt in his voice. “It goes well with your eyes.”
Mathew nearly jumped out of his skin, when he heard Mr. Norton’s voice beside him. He was so absorbed with looking at his reflection, he didn’t noticed him approach. Mathew looked up at Mr. Norton with a frightened look on his face. His mouth dropped open and a small squeak, was the only sound he made.

Seeing as how Mathew looked like a deer caught in car headlights, Mr. Norton knelt down to look at Mathew at eye level.
“Relax son.” He said in a calm voice. “There’s no need to be afraid. I’m not cross at you.”

Mathew just stood there, still too frightened to move or say anything. Mr. Norton continued talking as he took the dresses from Mathew’s hands.

“Hey now. I was just kidding, ok? There’s nothing to be scared about.” With that, Mathew suddenly took off like a jack rabbit, leaving Mr. Norton bewildered. Sara watched Mathew run off, then turned and went back to Janice.

==================================================================================

Authors Note: Here it is folks. The long awaited next chapter in Mathew's story.

Sorry for the long wait. My muse was being both uncooperative and lazy, hehe.

Again I apologise for any grammar mistakes that I may have missed.

Once again constructive criticism is most welcome.

===================================================================================

Mathew’s Secret Desire

Chapter Five

Mathew’s eyes slowly blinked open. For a moment he didn’t know where he was, until he let his head gently fall to his right that he realized, he was in his bedroom.

The room was darker than normal, and felt colder. Slowly turning his head to the left, he saw that the window was covered with heavier drapes, and a portable air conditioner stood next to it.

Mathew tried to sit up and immediately regretted it, as a wave of both nausea and dizziness swept over him. A groan escaped his lips, and he felt his head start pounding.

“Well, well looks like sleeping beauty is finally awake.” Janice said leaning into Mathew’s field of vision. “How do feel?”

“Like Wile E. Coyote, when he runs into a fake tunnel entrance.” Mathew said weakly.

Janice couldn’t help but chuckle. If Mathew could make a joke, then that was a sign that he was starting to feeling better.

“Why do I feel so sick?” Mathew asked.

Janice made a sound and had a look of annoyance, on her face.

“You don’t remember?” Janice said letting a bit of anger enter her tone of voice.

Mathew just slowly shook his head no.

“Well you can thank Aunt Vicky for that!” She said. “Since you were grounded for your Birthday. She and Megan came over after we got back from Hilroy’s to make you a birthday dinner.”

Janice carefully sat down on the edge of Mathew’s bed and continued her story.

“Unknown to both Mom and Dad, Aunt Vicky made her oyster mashed potatoes. It wasn’t until you had a couple of mouthfuls, that you had a reaction.”

“She knows I’m allergic to that stuff.”

“Yeah, she does.” Janice sighed. “But she claimed she forgot.” Janice stood and turned the air conditioner off.

“Needless to say, Mom had a few choice words for Aunt Vicky.”

Janice opened the curtains.

“I’ve never seen her so mad before.”

Janice returned to sit on the edge of the bed. She waited for a moment for Mathew’s eyes to adjust to the light coming in the room, before continuing.

“Mom and Aunt Vicky, had this real intense argument, while dad called Dr. Allan. I was doing what I could to help you, while Megan just stood there acting about as useless as tits on a bull!”

Mathew chuckled slightly as Janice stood again, and looked out the window.

“Mom told Aunt Vicky not to show her face around here for a while.”

Mathew just looked at Janice.

“So little brother.” She said after a moment of silence. “How long have you wanted to be a girl?”

Mathew felt like he had just been punched in the stomach. What had Janice just asked him!?

A million terrifying thoughts raced through his mind all at the same time.

“Oh stop looking at me like that!” Janice said firmly. “Everyone knows. The sedative that Dr. Allan gave you, made you talk in your sleep.”

Mathew would have protested, but he was in no condition to do so. He didn’t even have the strength to ‘cry’.

He was about to speak, when his bedroom door opened, and Sara walked in carrying a laundry basket. She smiled, when she saw that he was awake.

“Well I see someone’s finally decided to join the land of the living.” Sara said walking over to the side of his bed.

“How are you feeling today?”

Sara saw the distressed look on his face and she put the laundry basket down and felt his forehead.

“You still feel sick to your stomach!?” She asked concerned.

“I asked him already.” Janice said.

Sara shot her eldest daughter a cross look as she straightened up.

“Janice, we decided we would discuss this after Mathew was feeling better! Now don’t you have chores to finish!?”

After seeing her mother, arguing with her own sister, Janice knew not to push her luck.

“Yes ma’am.” She said, and turned and headed to the bedroom door. When she got there, she stopped and turned and looked at Mathew, smiling.

“Feel better soon, Mathew. I miss having my younger sibling around to pester.”

With that, Janice turned and left the room.

Sara waited for a moment before turning back to face Mathew. She sat down on the edge of his bed, and gently brushed his bangs off his forehead.

“I’m sorry mom.” He started to say, but Sara stopped him by putting a finger on his lips.

“You have nothing to apologise for kiddo.” Sara said. “Like I just said to Janice, we will discuss this, when you feeling stronger. But right now, you need your rest.”

With that, Sara leaned forward and planted a kiss on his forehead. She then stood and picked up the laundry basket, and walked out of the room.

Three days later Mathew, Janice, their parents, all sat in Brenda’s home office. Brenda entered a few moments later carrying a large serving tray.

“Sorry about that.” She said placing the tray down on her desk, and moving to sit down. “I thought I had more coffee made.”

“Not a problem, Brenda.” Sara said.

Brenda watched as Sara and Fred took their coffee cups. Mathew, still feeling some lingering effects of being sick, slowly reached out and took the glass of juice.

“Since we know why we’re here.” Brenda began. “I’ll just come straight to the point.”

Brenda took a sip of coffee before continuing.

“Mathew, I’m going to be asking you some questions. Some of them will be very personal, but I want you to answer them truthfully. Okay?”

Mathew nodded slowly.

“Okay. What makes you think you might be a girl?”

Mathew swallowed hard and nervously looked from his mom to his dad, who both nodded, then to Brenda.

“I’ve been having these dreams.” He said hesitantly. “Dreams in which, I see myself as a girl.”

Brenda nodded and wrote a few notes on a pad of paper.

“How long have you been having these dreams?”

Mathew looked at his parents in turn, still unsure if he should answer Brenda.

“For as long as I can remember.” He finally said.

“Do you remember when you had your first dream?”

Mathew looked down at the floor and was silent for a moment.

“I think I was six when I had the first one.” He said. “But I felt I was a girl long before that.”

“I see.” Brenda said encouraged by Mathew seemingly volunteering answer.

“Do you remember how old you were, when you first felt you were a girl and not a boy?”

“I was three.” He said as Brenda took another sip of her coffee and wrote some more on the pad of paper.

Brenda continued to ask Mathew questions. Questions like: Did he ever tell his parents how he felt? Did he ever sneak into either Janice’s room and try on any of her clothes, or his mothers’? Was he ever disappointed, that he didn’t get a doll as a present for either Christmas or his Birthday?

Finally the interaction with April came up. For this, Brenda stepped out from behind her desk, and sat in a chair directly in front of Mathew.

“Now Mathew.” Brenda said in a reassuring voice. “I want you to understand, that I’m not mad at you in anyway. I understand that April was trying to help you in her own way. But she was wrong in doing so. But right now, I need you to tell me in your own words. Okay?”

Mathew nodded, then said “Okay.”

“Why don’t you start with when you told April?” Brenda said.

Mathew looked nervously at his parents, and at Janice before speaking.

“It was last summer.” He started. “April and I were up in her room playing a video game.

I don’t know exactly what it was, but I didn’t have my mind on the game. April sensed it, and became frustrated.”

“What’s the matter with you, Mathew!? April said frustrated.
“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what’s with you? It’s like your bodies here, but your brain is someplace else! You’ve been like this for two weeks now!”

“No I haven’t” Mathew said.

“Yes you have.” April said. “And you keep looking at my dress.”

“Am not!” Mathew retorted, stealing a look at April’s dress.

“You just did it again!” April said standing up and facing him. “Is there something wrong with it?”

“N No.” He stammered. “It looks fine.”

“Then you don’t like it?”

“No, I like it.” Mathew said. “I just…” Mathew stopped himself from continuing the rest of what he wanted to say, and started playing the game again. But April being who she was, wasn’t about to let that happen. She picked up her controller, and hit the pause button.

“You just what?” She asked.

“Nothing.” Mathew said as he hit his pause button to restart the game. April, starting to get a little annoyed, hit the pause button again, which in turn, made Mathew hit his button.

After hitting pause buttons for a couple more seconds, April turned off the television, effectively ending the game. She then moved to stand in front of him with her hands on her hips.

“You just what!?” She said with an annoyed tone to her voice.

Mathew looked up at April, like an animal that was caught in the headlights of a car.

He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, but that only caused April to get more cross with him. Finally, she had enough, she sighed in frustration, and stormed over to her bedroom door.

“If you’re not going to tell me.” She said. “You best leave.”

Mathew stared at April for a second, then slowly stood up. He took two steps towards the door, then stopped.

“If I tell you, you’ll hate me.” He said.

“Why would I hate you, Mathew?” She said softening her tone. “You’re my best friend.”

“You’ll laugh at me then.”

April went and stood in front of him and placed her hands on his shoulders.

“I won’t laugh at you.”

“Promise?” Mathew asked after a moments pause.

“I promise.” April said gently.

Mathew paused for another moment before speaking.

“I was going to say, I just wondered what I would look like wearing it.”

To say that April was stunned, would have been an understatement. She looked at Mathew for a couple of seconds, with a blank look on her face, before she stepped back.

“You want to try on my dress!?” She asked almost whispering.

“I knew you’d hate me!” Mathew said not hearing April, and making for the bedroom door.

April quickly reacted and pushed Mathew down on her bed. She then quickly went and closed her door, then stood back in front of him. When she spoke, April had an authoritative aura about her.

“Mathew Eric Stevens!” She said using his full name “I said I don’t hate you. And before you say it, I’m not laughing at you either!”

April sighed and turned and sat down on the bed next to him.

“Is that why you have been acting strange these past two weeks?” She asked gently.

Mathew just nodded without saying anything.

“How long have you wanted to wear my dress?” April asked.

Mathew looked at April.

“For awhile now.” He said looking back down at the floor. “But I really wanted to wear it, when I saw you wearing it the Sunday we went to see that movie.”

“So two weeks then.” She said. Mathew nodded.

“Well that explains that.” She said standing up and pacing
.

Mathew watched April as she paced back and forth. Every time she stopped to turn around, she would quickly glance at him, then resume pacing.
After about a minute of pacing, April stopped and looked at him.

“Stand up.” She ordered.

Mathew did as he was told, and April looked him over from head to toe.

“You know; I have to admit. You’ve always had this girlish aura about you.” She said. “And I never could figure out why. But I think I know now.”

Mathew was starting to feel uncomfortable with what April was saying. But he didn’t feel like he didn’t want to hear it either.

“W What do you mean?” He asked nervously.

April moved closer and placed her hands on his shoulders, and looked directly into his eyes, as if she was looking for something.

“I think deep down you want to be a girl, rather than a boy.”

With those words spoken, a wave of emotions washed over Mathew, and he collapsed on the bed. April quickly sat on the bed beside him and put her arms around him, as he started crying.

“Hey it’s okay!” She said gently, thinking she had hurt him. “I didn’t mean it!”

“Yes you did!” Mathew said between sobs. “That’s what I’ve dreamt every night.”

April sat Mathew up straighter and looked at him.

“You’ve been dreaming you’re a girl!?” April asked in disbelief.

Mathew nodded.

“Have you said anything to your parents?”

Mathew shook his head negatively.

“I can’t tell them!” He said quickly. “They’ll think I’m weird or something!”

“No they won’t!” April said firmly. “They love you. They would never think you’re weird!”

“Yes they would.” Mathew said solemnly.

“And how would you know?” April said.

“They just would.”

“Well if you don’t tell them, I will!”

A wave of fear washed over Mathew and he looked at April with a frightened look on his face.

“You can’t do that!” He said.

“Yes I can!” She said firmly.

April was silent for a moment, as if she was deep in thought. She then suddenly stood up and faced Mathew. She told Mathew to stand up again, which he did, unsure of what April was going to do next.

“I won’t tell your parents, but you will have to eventually, and I’ll help you.”

A sense of relief came over Mathew, but April wasn’t finished yet.

“But you have to do something for me first.” She continued.

“W What’s that?” He asked nervously.

“You’ve got me curious, as to what you would look like wearing a dress.” She said with a sly smile on her face.

“So April had me take my clothes off, and she gave me the dress to try on.” Mathew said.

“Did you both take turns changing in the bathroom?” Brenda asked.

Mathew opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He nervously looked at his parents, then at Brenda.

“By the way your acting, I know the answer to that question, but I still want to hear it.”

Mathew bowed his head.

“No.” He said solemnly. “We stayed in April’s room.”

“With the door closed?” Brenda asked.

Mathew nodded slowly.

Now under normal circumstances, any parent, upon hearing that their eleven and twelve-year-old boy and girl, were in the same room undressing and dressing, in each other’s clothes, would throw a fit and accuse the other of some sort of sexual indecency, would make a scene. But both Mathew’s parents, and Brenda didn’t. Not even Janice, who was quietly sitting in the room, didn’t do or say anything.

The reason why they didn’t make a big deal out of it. Was the fact that both families had been friends for years, and both Mathew and April had grown up together. So at any given time, both kids had at some point, seen each other naked. A fact, that April had remembered and Mathew had forgotten, when she insisted on Mathew changing clothes in her room.

Brenda looked at the clock that was on her desk, and saw that it read 4pm. They had been talking for four hours.

“It’s 4pm.” Brenda said. “I think we’ve had enough for today.”

“It’s that late already?” Janice asked stretching.

“Well usually a session only lasts about an hour. But since we did this here and not at the office, I let things go longer.” Brenda said. “And besides, I felt Mathew had a lot to get off his mind first.”

“Thank you Brenda.” Fred said. “We really appreciate this.”

“No problem Fred.” Brenda said smiling. “It’s my pleasure. I would however like to see Mathew here, as opposed to the clinic at the hospital.”

“Why. Because of that incident with Gottschalk’s kid?”

“Yes.” Brenda said nodding. “As you know his Grandfather is the head of the Psychology Department at the Hospital. And he is very closed minded, when it comes to the issue of Transgender children, or Transgender issues period.”

“What time do you want to see Mathew?” Sara asked.

“I’ll let you know in a couple days. I have to juggle some things around first to make room.”

Brenda looked down at Mathew, and saw that he was looking sullen.

“Mathew.” She called out. Mathew turned to face Brenda, but still kept his head down. Brenda knelt down in front of him, and lifted his head up by his chin.

“Sweetie.” She said in a sympathetic voice. “I want you to know, that no one, I mean no one, is angry or disappointed in you in anyway what so ever. Not even when you told us you took your clothes off with April in the room.”

“Really?” He said softly.

Fred placed a hand on Mathew’s shoulder, which caused him to look up. He saw both his parents standing there, and they both had smiles on their faces.

“Really.” Sara said.

Later that evening, as Mathew was getting ready for bed, he was brushing his teeth when he noticed Janice standing in the bathroom doorway. She was holding a folded piece of cloth in her hands.

“You know kiddo.” She said smiling. “April’s right. You do have a girlish aura about you. It’s faint, but it’s there.”

Mathew spit out the mouth full toothpaste he had.

“What’s that?” He asked, the outside of his mouth still covered in toothpaste.

Janice scowled at Mathew’s gross antics, but she was pleased to see that his mood had lightened up.

“Rinse and wipe your mouth, twerp.” She scolded him. “Then come into your bedroom.” Mathew did as he was told then went into his bedroom and stood in front of Janice, who was sitting on his bed
.
“Well kiddo, you’ve had a real big day haven’t you?” Janice said taking Mathew’s hands in hers.

“I just want you too know, that I’m here for you. If you ever want to talk, and Mom or Dad aren’t available, or Brenda, you can always come to me, okay?”

Mathew started to tearing up hearing Janice’s words, and she pulled him onto the tightest hug she had ever given him.

“I love you squirt.” She said as she started to tear up also.

For what seemed like an eternity, brother and sister held each other and quietly cried in each other’s shoulder. When they finally broke the embrace, Janice wiped Mathew’s face with the sleeve of her top.

“Now this is for you.” She said as she held up the folded cloth.

“What is it?” Mathew asked.

Janice held up he cloth by the corners, and it unfolded to reveal itself to be a night gown.

“This is the night gown I had when I was your age.” Janice said. “I want you to have it.”

Mathew reached out and touched the night gown. It was satin and was light pink in colour. It had embroidery around the neck which ended in a slightly darker pink rose.

“You like it?” Janice asked.

Mathew slowly nodded. Janice smiled and placed the night gown on her lap.

“Well then, lets get you out of these boy pajamas.” She said as she unbuttoned Mathew’s pajama top.

When she had the pajama top off, she told Mathew to reach his arms above his head. She then took the night gown and bunched up the hem and pulled it down over his arms.

“There’s really no difference between putting this on or putting on one of your t-shirts.” She said letting the hem fall down. “The only real difference, is one doesn’t wear pajama bottoms.”

Mathew looked at Janice.

“I’m not pulling your pajama bottoms off, kiddo.” She said standing. Mathew reached under the hem, which incidentally came down to just below his knees, and took his pajama bottoms off.

Janice picked up his pajamas and dropped them in the laundry basket inside his closet.

“Hey! One moment kiddo.” She said catching Mathew as he was climbing into bed.

He had one knee resting on the mattress, with his butt in the air, and the other foot on the floor. In that position, Janice had a clear view under the night gown.

“Only boys get into bed like that.” She playfully scolded him. “We girls do it differently. Now stand up straight and face me.”
Mathew did as Janice said.

“There are two ways you can do it.” She said. “The first way is to sit on the edge and swing your legs in. Or stand facing the foot of the bed and lift one leg up as you sit down, then lift the other leg up and in.”

“Which way do you do it?”

“I usually sit down and swing both legs up and in at the same time. That way you don’t get the hem all bunched up.”

Mathew thought for a second, then sat down and swung both his legs up and in. Janice smiled and gave a little clap.

“Very good little broth, err I mean, little sister.”

Mathew just smiled up at Janice as he lay down in bed. Janice stepped forward, and pulled the covers up, and gave Mathew a kiss on the forehead.

“Sleep well little sister.”

With that, Janice turned off the light above his bed, and left the room

================================================================================

Mathew’s Secret Desire
Chapter Six

Exactly two days later, Brenda phoned to say she had rescheduled her appointments to make room for her, to have time to see Mathew, at home rather than at the hospital.

Sara asked the obvious question of how much this was going to cost. Brenda surprised her, by saying nothing.

“George and I consider Mathew as ‘family’.” She said in a slightly hushed tone over the phone. “And we don’t charge ‘family’.”

Sara was surprised by this, and insisted that she be paid for her time with Mathew. But Brenda also insisted that payment wasn’t necessary. Helping Mathew through his transition, was payment enough.

After a bit more banter about payment, Sara finally agreed. Brenda then told her, that she would see Mathew the next day at five thirty.

“Oh, and don’t worry about diner. I’ve made arrangements to pick up something from Kepler’s on the way home.”

“Okay.” Sara said. “I’ll make sure Mathew is ready for when you get home tomorrow.”

Both women said goodbye, and hung up the phones.

The next day, Mathew stood in front of April’s house. Normally he would just open the door and go right on in. But after the events of the last few days, he felt compelled to ring the doorbell.

“Why hello Mathew.” Brenda said happily, when she opened the door and saw him standing there. “Come on in.”

“Hello Doctor Allen.” Mathew replied nervously as he entered.

Mathew waited till Brenda closed the front door before handing her an envelope, he had been holding.

“Mom said to give you this before we start.”

“Okay.” Brenda said taking the envelop from Mathew’s hand. She opened it and took out the folded piece of paper, and read the note that Sara had written on it.

“Let’s go and eat shall we.” Brenda said ushering Mathew into her office.

Brenda had cleared off her desk so they had room to eat. She guided Mathew to a chair, then sat down herself.

“Go ahead and start.” She said. “Don’t want the food to get cold, now do we.”

They started eating, and Brenda told Mathew, that this was going to be a ‘working’ session.

“So I understand you and Janice had a real bonding moment.” Brenda said leaning back in her chair. “She gave you a night gown she had when she was your age?”

“Yes, she did.” He said after swallowing the bite he had.

“How did that make you feel?” Brenda asked.

Mathew hesitated unsure how to answer. Brenda saw this and prodded him.

“Come now, Mathew. It’s not that hard of a question. How did you feel, when Janice gave you the night gown?”

“It made me feel happy.” He said slowly. “Felt loved.”

“Like it did when she said she supported you, and would be there for you?”

Mathew felt himself start to tear up, and he wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

“Yes!” He said starting to cry. Brenda got out of her chair and went to Mathew, and gave him a hug.

After a couple of minutes, Mathew stopped crying. Brenda then released him from the hug, and gave him a serviette to wipe his eyes with. She then went back and sat down in her chair.

“You do realize; Janice loves you no matter what. Same goes with your parents.” Brenda said.

“I know.” Mathew said sniffling. “But it kind of felt like she truly loves me better as her sister, then as her brother.”

“I see.” Brenda said writing something down on her note pad. “What about your parents? Do you think they would love you any differently, if you were a girl?”

Mathew looked down at the floor and shrugged his shoulders half heartedly.

“I don’t know.”

“Well I can tell you whole heartedly! They would love you the same no matter what! Boy or girl, it would not make any difference to them. You are their child, the only thing they want is for you to be happy!”

“Really?” Mathew said looking up at Brenda.

“Really.” Brenda said smiling. She then changed position on her chair and picked up her fork. Mathew did the same thing, but instead of eating what was on her fork, Brenda waited till Mathew had eaten what was on his fork to ask.

“Were you disappointed that you didn’t get a doll for Christmas or your birthday?”

“Yes.” He said through a mouthful of food. As he swallowed, he suddenly realized, Brenda had tricked him.

“Why did you lie to me when I asked you that question the first time?”

“I don’t know.” He said after a moments hesitation.

“Yes you do.” Brenda said. “You said no, but I could tell you really wanted to say yes.”

Mathew looked out the window for a moment, then looked at Brenda.

“I didn’t want to disappoint my parents.”

“We’ve already established, that’s not true. So that’s a mute point. Let me ask a different question. Did you ever wish, you got a doll as either a Christmas or birthday present?”

“Yes!” Mathew said without hesitation this time.

“Anyone in particular, you wished for?” Brenda asked.

Mathew shook his head no. Brenda continued asking him questions and writing stuff down on her note pad.

“April has a number of dolls in her room. Is there one you like?”

A smile tugged at the corners of Mathew’s mouth, which told Brenda Mathew liked dolls, and that his wish that he had one, was genuine.

“Which one do you like?”

Mathew hesitated for a moment before speaking.

“The one on top of her book case.” He said softly.

Brenda was surprised at this. The doll Mathew liked, was also April’s favourite. It was a birthday present from April’s Grandmother, and she kept it on the top of the book case, so as to not play with it.

“You mean Charlotte.” Brenda said amazed.

Mathew nodded,

“Why Charlotte. What is it about her, that you like?”

This time Mathew didn’t hesitate. When he spoke, he sounded exactly like April did, when she first saw the doll.

“She’s just so beautiful!” He said softly. “I like how her hair is so soft, how the dress she’s wearing looks so pretty, not like the clothes you see on ones these days.”

“Speaking of clothes. How do you feel wearing boy clothes?”

“There okay I guess. But….” He started saying, but didn’t finish.

“But you’d much rather be wearing girl’s clothes?” Brenda said finishing the sentence for him.

Mathew just nodded.

Brenda thought for a moment, then reached under her desk and brought out a clothes box and set it on the edge of her desk.

Mathew watched her place the box on her desk, and wondered what was going on, and what was in the box.

“I bet you’re wondering what’s with the box, and what’s in it.” Brenda said reading his facial expression.

Mathew nodded.

“Well it’s for you.”

“For me? What’s in it?”

Brenda smiled.

“Why don’t you open it and find out.”

Mathew slowly stood and reached out to open the box. He took the top half off, and when he saw what was inside, he nearly collapsed back into the chair.

Inside the box, neatly folded, was one of the two dresses, he had been looking at from Hilroy’s. The dress wasn’t fancy or anything. It was light blue in colour, and had a pink heart centered in the middle of the bodice. Also in the box, was a package of girl’s panties, as well as pantyhose.

“Your mother got that yesterday.” Brenda said as Mathew stared in astonishment, at the items.

“She got this for me?” He finally said.

“Yes she did.” Brenda said gently. “Why don’t you take that into the downstairs bathroom, and change.” Mathew looked at Brenda for a moment, then picked up the box and left the room.

When he came back, Brenda was amazed by what she saw. She didn’t see a boy standing before her, wearing a dress and pantyhose. No, what she saw, was a girl, who just happened to look like a boy.

“Well I’ll be!” Brenda said not hiding the amazement in her voice. “April was right. You look like a girl. Correction, not like, you are a girl!”

Mathew went and sat back in the chair, and Brenda was amazed at how he carried himself. Without being told to do so, he folded the back of the skirt half, under the back of his legs, as he sat down.

“Did April tell you to do that?” She asked.

“No.” Mathew said. “I remembered seeing it in a move mom and Janice were watching one time.”

“Well that was very good of you to do that.” Brenda said. “That is what young ladies and women, are suppose to do when they sit down. I’m pleased you remembered that.”

Mathew couldn’t help but smile with pride, at Brenda’s compliment. While he felt nervous sitting in front of Brenda, wearing a dress, he couldn’t help, but feel at ease either.

“So tell me, Mathew. How do you feel wearing that dress? Do you feel uncomfortable, or does it feel right?”

“Well I feel nervous, but I don’t feel uncomfortable. It feels right to me.” At that point, a tear ran down Mathew’s face. “I feel happy.”

Brenda couldn’t help but happy for Mathew. This was a big step to make, and to have him admit, that he was happy wearing the dress, was even bigger.

“Well Mathew, I have to say. You’ve taken the first big step to a new life. We still have a lot of work to do. But I think I can confidently say, you are transgendered, and a girl!”

Mathew felt overjoyed. He jumped up from the chair and hugged Brenda as hard as he could. He kept saying thank you to her over and over, until Brenda forced them apart.

“Alright settle down now.” She said straightening herself. “As I said, we still have a lot of work to do. But first, we don’t we do into the living room and show Janice and your parents how pretty you look?”

“There here?” Mathew asked suddenly feeling scared.

Brenda stood and took hold of his hand and gently urged him to stand.

“Yes.” She said. “The came over while you were changing in the bathroom.”

Mathew swallowed hard, but let Brenda guide him to the door, and lead him to the living room.

Fred, Sara, and Janice were sitting in the living room, talking with George when Brenda appeared with Mathew. They all looked up when Brenda cleared her throat.

“Sara, Fred, and Janice. Allow me to introduce your new daughter and sister.”

Mathew stood next to Brenda, still holding her hand as his parents and sister stood. They didn’t say anything for a moment, then Sara spoke.

“I never would have believed it. But you’re right Brenda. April said he looked exactly like a girl when he wore her dress. And now seeing him, I mean her, she was right.”

“Mom.” Was all he could say.

“Come here sweetie.” Sara said trying to hold back her emotions, and failing.

Mathew ran to his mother, and hugged her along with Janice and his dad. After a moment they broke apart, and they all sat down.

“I was telling Mathew, that we still have a lot of work to do.” Brenda said sitting down next to her husband. “Like, I want to hear more about those dreams, she’s been having.”

Mathew shifted his position on the couch between his parents. Not because he/she was uncomfortable, but because the dreams he/she had been having still needed to be sorted out.

“But first.” Brenda said continuing. “I think your mom and dad have something they want to tell you.”

“Sweetheart.” Sara said. “When you were born and it came time to name you, your father and I had already picked out your name…”

“But when my mother, and your mom’s mother saw you, they insisted for reasons we didn’t understand then, to give you a girls’ name as well.”

Fred said continuing.

“They even insisted on it being included on your Birth Certificate as well.” Sara said.

At that point, Fred reached into the pocket of his shirt, and pulled out Mathew’s Birth Certificate, and handed it to him/her.

Mathew to the piece of paper from his/her father and looked at it. There in bold black letters were the names ‘Mathew Eric/Abigail Errin Stevens’

“Grandma and Nana named me Abigail Errin?” She said looking up at her parents.

“That’s right sweetie.” Sara said.

Mathew looked back down at the certificate again, and in an audible whisper said.

“Abigail Errin.”

“If you don’t like it, we can pick something else.” Fred said.

“No!” Mathew said. “I love it!”

“Then Abigail Errin is what we’ll call you from now on!” Fred said.

“It would be best to only refer to Mathew as Abigail, when he’s in girl mode.” Brenda said jumping in. “Like right now for example. She’s wearing girl’s clothes, so we all can call her Abigail. But when he’s in boy mode, wearing boy clothes, he should be referred to as Mathew.”

“But can’t I be called Abigail all the time?” Mathew asked. “The Birth Certificate….”

Brenda held up her hand to stop him.

“Just because it says Abigail, doesn’t mean you should use it as your sole name from now on.”

“But.”

“Let me finish. I know your excited and all. But like I said, we still have a lot of work to do. First off, we have to set a fixed set of ground rules, for when you can be in girl mode, and when you can’t, and who can see you in girl mode, and who can’t.

Secondly; George here, will have to give you a full physical examination, plus blood samples, to determine the correct dosage of testosterone blocker, so you don’t start male puberty.”

Mathew looked down dejectedly, at his pantyhose covered feet. He balled up his hands into fists, but his father took them in his hands.

“Brenda is right kiddo.” Fred said. “We can’t just start doing this, with out some sort ground rules. Okay?”

“Okay.” Mathew mumbled.

“I know your disappointed sweetie.” Sara said stroking his head. “But believe me, it’s for the best if we take it slow.”

“What do you suggest Brenda.” Fred said.

“Well. One I would limit Mathew’s time in girl’s clothes to home or here. I would even go so far as to say, he stays indoors when dressed. You can refer to her as Abigail, when dressed.

Two, no answering the door when dressed.

Three, once school starts again, it’s boy mode until you come home. Understand, Abigail?”

Abigail nodded.

“But what about Phys Ed?” Janice asked, speaking for the first time.

“I will write a note to the school, asking that Mathew be excused from gym classes, from now on for medical reasons.” George said.

“Thank you George.” Fred said.

“Who do you suggest we tell and not tell?” Sara asked.

“That’s up to you to decide.” Brenda said. “We’ll tell Cindy, that Mathew will be coming around here dressed in girl’s clothes, so there’ll be no trouble that way.”

Both Fred and Sara nodded.

“I would also suggest you find a lawyer, to handle any and all legal matters, that will no doubt arise from Mathew transitioning.”

“Good point.” Sara said.

“But who?”

Everyone was silent for a moment, until Mathew spoke up.

“What about Hinata’s dad. He’s a lawyer.”

Sara and Fred both looked at each other.

“Couldn’t hurt to ask.” Fred said.

“You will most likely need one to get the male names removed from the Birth Certificate, and any other legal documents.” Brenda said.

Fred thought for a moment, then said.

“Okay. I’ll call him sometime tomorrow. When do you want to see Mathew for the physical?

“Either you or Sara can come by the office around ten to five tomorrow. You’ll be the last patient I see.”

“Okay.” Sara said.

“So!” Brenda said standing. “Who wants desert?”

End of Chapter Six

=============================================================================

Here's Chapter Seven everyone. Sorry if it seems longer, than the others. It just felt like it should be longer, if that makes sense.

=============================================================================

Mathew’s Secret Desire

Chapter Seven

Mathew and Sara, sat in one of the examination rooms waiting for George to show. His nurse had ushered them into the exam room almost as soon as they had arrived. Now they were just waiting for him to finish what ever he was doing.

Sara looked up at the wall clock, and saw that it now showed five-thirty. She was about to get up and stretch, when the door opened and George entered, followed by his nurse.

“Sorry for the delay.” He said closing the door. “Last patient just wouldn’t leave.”

“That’s okay.” Sara said with a smile. “I had planned on a late supper anyways.”

George sat down on the stool and brought up Mathew’s medical records on the computer. After a quick scan, he turned to Mathew and Sara.

“Speaking of food, I assume you haven’t had anything to eat since breakfast this morning?”

“No Doctor Allan.” Mathew said. “Just what you said I could have.”

“That’s good. Why don’t you take off your t-shirt, shorts and shoes and stand on the scale, please?”

Mathew did as he was asked, and when he was down to his underwear and socks, stepped onto the scale.

George stood and looked down at the digital dial and read off the information to his nurse.

“Weight: 35.6 kilograms. Stand against the height scale facing me please.”

Mathew stepped off the scale and stood with his back against the wall. George then took a ruler and laid it on top of his head.

“Height: 1.4 meters. Okay, hop up on the table.”

Once Mathew was seated, George took the Blood Pressure Cuff off the wall and wrapped it around his left arm. He then pumped it up, then slowly released the built up air pressure.

“Blood Pressure 118/78.”

George then took another device off the wall, and looked in Mathew’s eyes, ears, nose and down his throat. He listened to Mathew’s heart beat and breathing, all of which, George said were good.

Mathew was then asked to lie down on the table, and George then proceeded to poke and tap his chest and stomach areas. After he was done that, George spoke to Mathew.

“Okay Mathew. I need you to pull your underwear down for me please. I’m going to have to check your crotch area.”

Mathew looked at his mother with a concerned look on his face, but she smiled and nodded, saying it was okay and to go ahead.

After a second’s hesitation, Mathew lifted his butt off the table and pulled his underwear down to his knees. George did a quick check of his crotch, then told Mathew he could pull his underwear back up.

Once he had done that, George had Mathew sit up.

“Now Mathew.” He said. “I’m going to take a blood sample now. I know you don’t like needles; trust me, not many people do. But I need you to be brave for me okay?”

Mathew nodded. George smiled and ruffled his hair. George then turned and took a rubber band out of a small basket, with test tubes in it, and tied it around Mathew’s upper left arm. He then waited until he could see a vein show, then proceeded to insert the needle.

“Okay all done.” George said after a moment. Mathew looked down to see a pink band aid over the spot were the needle had been.

“I’m sorry.” The nurse said smiling. “We ran out of blue ones.” Then she winked at him.

“You can take those to the lab, Nancy.” George said. “And ask them to process those stat!”

“Right away Doctor!” The nurse said, then looking at Mathew, she said. “I wish you all the best.” Then she took the basket and left the room.

“Don’t worry about Nancy.” George said as if reading both Mathew and Sara’s minds. “She’s a trusted nurse.”

Then to Mathew he said.

“You can get dressed now.”

“How long will the tests take?” Sara asked as George sat back down.

“Well, under normal circumstances, the processing could take up to a week, depending on the back log.” George said. “But I’ve ordered a rush on them so I should have the results in a couple of days.”

“Then what happens?”

“Once I’ve looked at the results. I’ll be able to determine what kind of blocker to use.”

“So do we have to see a specialist for that?” Sara asked.

George shook his head.

“No.” He said smiling. “Not many people know, but I minored in Endocrinology, in Med School. So I’m more than capable of dealing with Mathew’s medication.”

Seeing that Mathew was dressed, Sara stood.

“Thank you George.” She said. “We really appreciate what you and Brenda are doing.”

“Sara, it’s our pleasure.” He said following Sara and Mathew to the front doors of the clinic. “Like Brenda said, we consider Mathew family, and want to see him, I mean her, happy; just like you and Fred.”

George opened the doors to let Sara and Mathew out.

“I’ll have Nancy call when I have the result, and a chance to look them over. Then we’ll go from there.”

“Okay thanks. Bye George.”

“Bye Doctor Allan.” Mathew said.

“Bye sweetie.” He said waving.

Sara and Mathew got into the car and drove off.

At the same time that Sara and Mathew were at the medical clinic. Fred was over at the law office of Mathew’s friends father.

The waiting room, was decked out with traditional Japanese artwork and decorations. After about five minutes, a receptionist came up to him.
“Mister Stevens?” She asked. “Mister Sekozawa, will see you now.”

Fred stood up and followed the receptionist down a hall to Daichi Sekozawa’s office. She opened the door and Fred entered.

Daichi Sekozawa, sat behind his desk. He stood and came around to the front and shook Fred’s hand.

“Fred, how are you?” He said in his baritone voice.

“I’m good Daichi. How are you?” Fred said sitting down.

“Oh I can’t complain.” Daichi said moving to sit behind his desk. “What can I do for you?”

“Well.” He began as he rubbed his hand across his chin. “We have a situation regarding Mathew.”

“Nothing serious, I hope?” Daichi said concerned.

“Depends on how one looks at it.” Fred said. “Mathew has just been diagnosed as being Transgendered.”

“Ahh I see.” Daichi said understanding.

“And Brenda Allan, suggested we get a lawyer to handle any legal problems that might crop up along the way.”

“A wise precaution.” Daichi said. “I take it, you and Sara would like me to be the one to handle things?”

“Yes we would.” Fred said. “If your willing to do so. If not maybe you could recommend someone who would.”

“I have dealt with this before.” Daichi said. “And Mathew has been a good friend to Hinata, so I will be more than happy to help you.”

“Thank you Daichi.” Fred said relieved. “It was Mathew, who actually suggested you, so I’m pleased.”

“Well Mathew’s a good kid, and Hinata speaks very highly of him.”

“Is there anything you need from us?”

“For now, I’ll need Brenda’s written diagnosis, and the results of any medical test.”

“Sara has taken Mathew to see George as we speak.”

“Ahh good. I’ll call George and ask for a copy of the results, when they are ready.”

“Thanks Daichi.” Fred said. “I know this is going to be a long and difficult journey. But Mathew’s well being is more important than anything else.”

“I can sympathize with that.” Daichi said. “When Hinata came out to us, we were shocked at first. But then we realized, like you, that his happiness was more important. So we accepted that he is gay, and have never looked back.”

“Didn’t you have problems with Hinata’s coming out?”

“Yes at first.” Daichi said. “While Hinata’s mother and I were at first in denial, and did everything we could think of to ‘change’ him. All we saw, was a child, who was becoming more and more withdrawn.

And the more we tried to change him, the more withdrawn, he became. Until one day his mother found him unconscious in his bedroom. He had swallowed a number of my sleeping pills.”

“Good Lord!” Fred said shocked.

“Yes, that was the straw that made us see the light. That what we were doing, wasn’t in Hinata’s best interests.”

“That explains why we didn’t see him for almost a month, last year.”

“Yes it is.” Daichi said. “Which is also why I am willing to help you and your family with any legal matter’s that come up.”

Fred was silent for a moment. When he spoke again, he thanked Daichi for being willing to help.

“As I said, I am more than willing to help. Just make sure you give Mathew all the love and support you can, because he is going to need it.”

“There’s no fear of that. His mother, sister and I, already accept the change. It’s just the rest of the family I’m worried about.”

Daichi nodded, understanding.

“Well I better be going.” Fred said rising. “They should be finish at the clinic by now.”

“I wish you all the best.” Daichi said rising as well and shook Fred’s hand again. “And please, do not be afraid to call me day or night if any problems arise.”

“Thank you Daichi.” Fred said. “Let’s just hope nothing does come up.”

With that, Fred left Daichi’s office and headed home.

Two weeks later, Mathew, Sara, Janice, and Fred, we’re all sitting in the same examination room at the clinic, with George. On the computer monitor we’re Mathew’s blood test results.

“Now all this medical speak, is going to sound like a foreign language.” George said chuckling. “And to most people it is. “So I’m going to summarize it for you.”

George addressed his next comment directly at Mathew.

“Mathew. According to the information here. By all accounts, you are more female, than male. Your testosterone levels, the stuff that makes you a boy, is lower than it should be.

While your estrogen levels, the stuff that makes your mom and Janice girls, is higher. It’s not high enough to have countered the effects of the testosterone. So to fix that, I’m going to prescribe a blocker.”

“What’s that?” Mathew asked.

“A blocker, is a chemical that will stop your body from producing any more testosterone. Once your body stops production, it should also allow your estrogen levels to rise.”

“So I’ll start to look like mom and Janice?”

“That’s right little sister.” Janice said. “You’ll start to look like mom and me.”

“That’s jumping the gun a bit Janice.” George said. “There’s a slight chance, that his estrogen levels may not rise on their own.” Then turning back to Mathew, he continued.

“If that turns out to be the case. Then you’ll have to take an estrogen booster to get the levels to rise.”

George turned back to the monitor, and scanned the information. His brow furrowed as he looked for the information.

“I knew I’d seen it. And that just might be the case, according to this.” He said turning back.

“So, I would strongly recommend, starting him on a combination blocker/booster. And I would also recommend, going with an implant. That way, you don’t have to worry about taking pills everyday.”

“What would all that entail?” Fred asked.

“Well we would need to have an implant made with the correct amount of the blocker, and estrogen booster. And it would have to be implanted on the body, say the underside of the arm.”

“Where would that have to be done. At the hospital?” Sara asked.

George smiled and wagged his finger playfully in Sara’s direction.

“I knew you were going to ask that.” He said reaching into the pocket of his lab coat, and pulling out a sealed test tube. “So I took the liberty of having this made up.”

Inside the test tube was a small, about 3-centimetres-long, 2-millimeters-wide, white coloured ‘rod’.

“That is what I’d like to use.” George said letting everyone have a good look at it.

“Now time is crucial. From my examination earlier, Mathew appears to have not entered male puberty yet. The sooner we get going on this the better.”

George looked at both Sara and Fred before continuing.

“Now on a serious note. I want to stress, that once this is implanted and starts working, I can’t switch. Once it’s in, it’s in!”

“Brenda made that perfectly clear, when we had a family meeting the other day.” Fred replied.

“And we all decided.” Sara said, stressing the word ‘all’. “To go ahead with the procedure.”

“Good!” George said standing. “I’ll let you have a moment to decide who wants to stay, and who’ll wait in the reception area.”

George left to get things ready, while Fred, Sara, and Janice decided who would stay. In the end, it was decided, that Fred would stay, since Sara had taken Mathew the first time.

Janice decided to stay as well, mainly because she felt a stronger need to be with her soon to be little sister, than she had before. George came back in the room a couple of minutes later carrying a metal tray, followed by Nancy, the nurse from before.

“I see we’ve decided.” George said setting the tray down on the counter. He then turned towards Mathew and said.

“Alright. I need you to take your t-shirt off and hop up on the exam table and lie down.”

George then turned to Nancy while Mathew did as he was told and spoke softly to her. When Mathew was on his back, George turned back and pulled out a small arm rest. He had Mathew rest his right arm on it. He then took a strip of cloth and gently tied Mathew’s arm to the rest, all the while explaining what he was doing and why.

Once that was done, Nancy stepped up and rubbed the inside of his bicep with an alcohol soaked cotton ball. The coldness of the alcohol made Mathew giggle a little, despite his wrinkling up of his nose, at the smell.

After the alcohol had evaporated, Nancy then too a piece of blue coloured plastic, and stretched it over his arm. She explained that the back was sticky, and it also was covered with the same stuff, the Dentist spreads on your gums before injecting the freezing.

“I’ll be giving you, what we call, a local anesthetic.” George said. “So you won’t feel any pain, when I do the procedure.”

George saw that Mathew was beginning to look scared, so he leaned down and smiled at him, and said in a calm soft voice.

“Relax honey. Your doing fine. It’ll all be over soon.”

Mathew looked less scared after hearing that and he gave his dad and sister the thumbs up.

“Alright.” George said putting on a surgical mask, and washing his hands. “After Nancy has scrubbed we’ll proceed.”

Before George asked Nancy for the anesthetic. He turned to Fred and said.

“Would you take a towel and drape it over Mathew’s eyes. It’ll help keep her calm.”

Fred stood and folded a towel, and the draped it over Mathew’s eyes, then sat back down.

About thirty minutes later, Janice entered the waiting room and gestured for Sara to follow her. When they both entered the exam room, Nancy was just finishing wrapping gauze around Mathew’s arm.

“Well Sara.” George said as they entered. “You have one brave little girl there. Didn’t make a sound.”

Once Nancy was out of the way, Mathew sat up and gave Sara a hug.

“Oh sweetie, I’m so proud of you!” She beamed.

“Same here, darling.” Fred replied.

“Me too sis.” Janice said.

Sara then helped Mathew put his t-shirt back on then sat down on the table next to him.

“Okay. Like any medication, there are possible side effects.” George said seriously. He took a sheet of paper off the counter and handed it to Sara.

“If at any time, she starts feeling any of these symptoms. Call me immediately, and get her to the hospital!” George said stressing the last words.

“Some of them can be mild, but others can be life threatening! So call me no matter what!”

“Will do.” Fred said as Sara nodded.

“You’re included it this too Janice!” George said looking squarely at her.

“Understood. I won’t let anything happen to her.”

“I know you won’t.” George said softening his tone.

Sara helped Mathew off the table, as George reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a sucker, and handed it to Mathew, who immediately tore the wrapper off, and popped it in his mouth.

“Now I want you to take it easy for a few days until that incision heals. No lifting anything heavy. Okay?”

“Okay.” Mathew said taking the sucker out of his mouth.

“Good girl.”

George then told them, he wanted to see Mathew in a week’s time, to check the incision, and possibly take the stiches out at the same time.
Armed with the information they needed. Mathew and the rest left the clinic and headed home.

April was sitting on her front porch, when she saw Mathew’s dad’s car pull into their driveway. She immediately jumped up, and ran across the road.

She waited until Mathew had gotten out of the car, before she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him.

“I knew you’d do it!” She said excitedly.

“Careful April.” Janice said coming around to Mathew’s side of the car.

“Sorry Janice.” She said.

“Why don’t you kids sit on the porch.” Sara said. “And I’ll bring out some lemonade?”

“Okay mom.” Mathew replied, as he and April headed for the porch.

Mathew and April sat at the small table that was in one corner of the porch. April proceeded to pepper Mathew with all sorts of question, with things from, what the blood test showed, to the implant in his arm. Mathew did his best to answer them.

“Your dad said the stuff that makes boy’s look like boy’s, testos, something.”

“Testosterone.” April said.

“That’s it. Your dad said that stuff was lower than it should be, and the other stuff, that makes girl’s look like girl’s…”

“Estrogen.” Sara said appearing, holding a tray with two glasses, and a plate with some cut up carrots and celery.

“Yeah. He said it was high, but not high enough to make me look like a girl.”

Sara set the tray down on the table, and Mathew looked at the plate of carrots and celery, then up at his mom, with a questioning look.

“No more junk food for you, young lady.” She said loud enough for only Mathew and April to hear. April couldn’t help but giggle at that.

“What about the implant?” April asked pointing to the dressing on his arm.

“It’s a combination testosterone blocker and estrogen booster.” He said glancing down. “It will stop me from becoming more like a boy, and make me look more like a girl.”

He paused for a moment, and April reached out and grabbed one of the glasses of lemonade. She started to take a sip, when Mathew suddenly looked up and said.

“I wish it makes me look like Janice tomorrow.”

April nearly choked on her lemonade when she heard what Mathew said. She even managed to spray Mathew with some, before she managed to start laughing.

“What’s all the commotion out here!?” Janice said suddenly appearing.

“Mathew said he wished he looked like you by tomorrow!” She managed to say, as Mathew picked up a napkin, and wiped his face. “I suddenly had a picture of him with big boobs!”

This made Janice start to smile, then laugh, as she formed a mental picture of an eleven-year-old with boobs as big as hers.

“That won’t happen overnight, little sister.” She said. “Who knows, you may get boobs like mine, when your older.”

Mathew finished wiping his face off, and grabbed his glass of lemonade and took a drink.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” April asked.

“I don’t know.” Mathew said after swallowing.

“I have to go down to Madame Blotski’s dance studio, to hand in my registration form for this next term. Why don’t you come with me?”

“I don’t know.” Mathew said scrunching up his face.

“Oh, that sounds like a good idea!” Sara said coming back out.

Mathew looked at his mother.

“But Doctor Allan told me to take it easy…”

“Take it easy, yes!” Sara said. “He never said anything about not laying around the house.”

“Please Abigail?” April said using his girl name for the first time. “I promise; I won’t make you dance or anything.”

“Well…” He said slowly.

“Go on sweetie.” Sara urged. “With you out of the house for a bit, it’ll give your sister and I, a chance to come up with some ideas, for redoing your bedroom.”

Mathew looked from his mother, to his sister, to April, and the all had ‘pleading’, looks on their faces. He looked down at the plate of veggies, then sighed.

“Okay.” He said.

April squealed and clapped her hands together rapidly.

Sara and Janice, then went back into the house, and Mathew and April, spent the rest of the afternoon chatting.

The next day, April rang the door bell, and waited for someone to answer. A few moments later, Janice opened the door and greeted April.
“Good afternoon, April. Come in.”

“Good afternoon, Janice.” She said entering the house. “Is Abi, err, I mean Mathew ready?”

Janice waited till she closed the door before speaking.

“She’s just finishing her lunch.” She said. “You know, you can continue to just walk in. You don’t have to start ringing the door bell.”

“I know.” April said. “But I felt I should start being courteous again, and not just barge in like I use to.”

Sara appeared in the entry way at that moment and saw April standing there.

“I thought I heard the door bell.” She said. “Hello April.”

“Hello Mrs. Stevens.” She said.

Sara raised an eyebrow in confused amazement. Janice saw that and said.

“I know right? April has decided to start being courteous again, and not walk in like she use to.”

“Oh poo!” Sara said shacking the dish towel she had in her hand at April. “Like your parents said about Abby. We consider you apart of the family. So just come in as always.”

April hesitated as she thought about how to respond.

“We insist!” Sara said.

April smiled and said. “Okay.”

A second later, Mathew also appeared in the entryway. April immediately noticed that he wasn’t wearing socks, and his legs looked slightly darker in colour.

“Are you…” She said, her voice trailing off.

“Wearing the pantyhose, she took from Hilroy’s? Yes!” Sara said, with just a hint of annoyance in her voice.

Mathew looked down at the floor for a second as Sara continued.

“Now remember, Abigail.! You stop at Hilroy’s and give Mrs. Norton the money for those, and apologise!”

“Yes mother.” She said solemnly. Then to April, Sara said.

“Make sure, she goes into Hilroy’s and does that!”

“ I will.”

Sara smiled, then told the two of them to get going. She and Janice watched them get on their bikes, and ride off down the street, till they were out of sight. Then Janice closed the door, and followed Sara, back into the kitchen.

April and Mathew stopped at the first intersection they came to. They both got off their bikes, and April pushed the button to activate the traffic signals, so they could cross.

“How did your mom find out about those?” April asked casting her gaze down at Mathew’s legs. She didn’t say pantyhose, as there were a couple of other people standing on the sidewalk, with them.

Mathew glanced down at his legs, then back up at April.

“She found them while I was sick.” He said.

“Oh.” Was all April said as the traffic lights changed, and they walked their bikes across the intersection.

They continued on until they got to Hilroy’s. April stopped, but Mathew rode on for twenty meters more before he realized, April wasn’t beside him.

She was still seated on her bike, with her arms folded across her chest, when Mathew came back. She had an annoyed look on her face.
“Why did you stop?” He asked stopping.

“Don’t you have something you have to do here!?” She said indicating the building with a tilt of her head.

Mathew looked at the building and sighed.

“You’re not going to continue, until I do this?”

April grinned mischievously.

“Nope!” Was all she said.

Realizing there was no way out of it. Mathew got off his bike and proceeded to put it in the bike stand. At the same time April got off her bike and did the same thing Both he and April, then locked up their bikes and together walked into the store.

They found Mrs. Norton in the boys clothing section, after asking one of the other sales people. There were a couple of other people there, and Mathew suddenly felt the urge to turn around and leave.

April sensed Mathew’s sudden change, and she proceeded to placed her hands on his shoulders, and pushed him forward until they were both standing next to Mrs. Norton. Sensing that someone was next to her, she turned to see Mathew and April.

“Why hello you two.” She said pleasantly. “What can I do for you?”

“Hello Mrs. Norton.” April said firmly. “I believe Mathew has something he has to say and give to you!”

“Oh?” Mrs. Norton said, her curiosity peaked.

“What is it Mathew?”

“I umm I…”

“Can you at least tell me what this is in regards of?” Mrs. Norton asked.

“Ahhh…”

“Oh for crying out loud!” April suddenly said. “It’s regarding the pantyhose he took, and are now wearing!”

Mathew suddenly felt his face become hot! He spun around and looked at April in utter shock and disbelief! She on the other hand, grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him back to face Mrs. Norton.

“Now give Mrs. Norton the money, and apologise!”

Mathew hesitated for a second, then stuck a hand into the pocket of his shorts and pulled out an envelope. With his hands trembling slightly, he handed the envelope to Mrs. Norton, all the while, the other people in the aisle watching.

“This is the money for the pantyhose, I took.” He said firmly, fighting back the urge to break down and cry.

Mrs. Norton took the offered envelope and stuck it in the pocket of her smock. She then looked at Mathew and waited. April gave him a poke with her finger, after a moment.

“I’m sorry to stealing them, and will never to it again!”

Mrs. Norton regarded Mathew for a moment, then said.

“Apology accepted Mathew.” Then in her usual friendly voice said. “Now why don’t we put this behind us. Where are you two off to day?”
“We’re off to Madame Blotski’s.” April said cheerfully. “I have to hand in my registration form for next term.”

“Oh that’s nice April. Hope you’re still enjoying dancing?”

“Yes I am, very much.”

“Good for you.” Mrs. Norton said. “Well I shan’t keep you. Have fun this afternoon.”

“We will.” April said, then turned and walked away, followed by Mathew.

When the two of them were out of earshot, one of the other people who were in the aisle, came over to Mrs. Norton.

“I can’t believe you let that child walk out of here.” The woman said.

“Excuse me?” Mrs. Norton said.

“That boy.” The woman said. “I can’t believe you let him walk out of here after what he did.”
“And what should I have done? Forced him to take his shorts off and take the pantyhose off right in the middle of the aisle?”

The woman opened her mouth to speak, but Mrs. Norton continued.

“No! He payed for them, so he can keep them!”

“But.”

“And another thing. He also apologised for taking them. So as far as I’m concerned, the matter is closed!”

With that, Mrs. Norton turned and walked away.

Mathew and April exited the store and stopped to get their bikes. April knelt down to unlock hers, but hesitated.

She had a heavy feeling in her chest and an almost sickly feeling in her stomach. She slowly stood up and turned to face Mathew.

“Mathew.” She said as quietly and as sympathetically, as she could have, given the amount of traffic noise.

“Let’s get going!” He said curtly. He bent down and quickly undid his bike lock and pulled his bike out. He got on it, and waited for April to retrieve her bike. When she was ready, she started off in the direction of Madame Blotski’s Dance Studio, with Mathew behind her.

Madame Blotski’s Dance Studio, was part of the Recreation Center and had its own entrance. Mathew and April rode up to where a number of other bikes were parked, and put theirs in the rack. After locking them up, they then went inside.

April stopped in at the office, and dropped off her form. She then suggested showing Mathew the studio, which he begrudgingly agreed to.

Most of the class rooms, were pretty much the same. Some were bigger or smaller, and April said that was because of the ages and group sizes of the kids.

The last room they came to, was the main performance hall. It was the same size as the largest gym, in the rec center, but the vast majority of the space, was taken up with the stage, seating and the orchestra pit.

“Nice room.” Mathew said sounding less brisk than he had been earlier.

“Lets go in.” April suggested. They went in and up on the stage.

April showed Mathew, all what went on backstage. It was really fascinating to hear, especially since it was April telling him, and listening to her describe the ‘feeling’ of being onstage, it made Mathew start to feel less and less mad at April.

After a moment, April stopped and told Mathew to sit in a chair off to one side. She then went over to a portable sound board, that was used for rehearsals. She selected a song, and then started dancing, when it played.

Mathew watched April dance, and was so engrossed, that he didn’t see that someone had also come up on stage, and was standing next to him.

It wasn’t until he caught sight of movement, that he turned and saw a woman standing there.

The woman looked down and smiled at him.

“She is very good, yes?” The woman said with a Russian accent, although Mathew didn’t know that at the moment.

“Yes she is.” Mathew said turning back to watch April.

“You are friend of hers?”

“Yes.” Mathew said with a hint of sadness. “I’m her best friend, though I don’t feel like it at the moment.”

“Oh!” The woman said. “There problem between you?”

Mathew sighed.

“I’m angry at her, for making me do something I didn’t want to do, but I had to do.”

“I no understand what you mean.”

For some reason Mathew felt he could tell this strange woman what he had done, and why he was mad at April.

“A few weeks ago, I took this pair of pantyhose, from Hilroy’s clothing store, without paying for them.”

The woman looked at Mathew with a some what cross look on her face.

“You stole them!?” She said. “Why you do such thing!?”

“I’m going through some changes.” He said after a moments pause.

“Ahh!” The woman said understandingly. “You are that friend.”

Mathew looked up at the woman, just as the music ended. April stopped her dancing, and looked back towards Mathew and suddenly stood straight up.

“Madame Blotski!” She said concerned, then ran over.

“Miss Allan!” Madame Blotski said in a commanding voice. “You know rule about being here without supervision. Yes!?

“Yes Madame Blotski, I do! And I am terribly sorry. But…”

Madame Blotski raised her had to stop April from speaking.

“I hear no excuses! I came see why music playing, and what I find, is you dancing, while friend sit on side!” Madame Blotski said, then changed her tone to a gentler one, before continuing.

“Your friend and I have nice chat, while watching. You should not cause him to be angry with you. Now apologise to him.”

“Yes Madame Blotski.” April said softly, bowing then raising her head. “Mathew. I’m truly very sorry for what I did, and making you mad at me. I apologise, and hope you can forgive me?”

“Well?” Madame Blotski said looking at Mathew.

“I forgive you, April.” He said with a lopsided grin. “I know I’m also to blame, and I apologise, for making you do what you did. Can you forgive me too?

April smiled and gave him a big hug, which he returned.

“You’re my very best and special friend, Mathew.”

“There! We all friends again, yes?”

“Yes!” Mathew and April said in unison as they released each other.

“Good.” Madame Blotski said smiling. “Now you both go, and no let me catch you here unsupervised again.”

“Yes Madame Blotski.” They both said in unison, then left the stage.

Mathew and April exited the dance studio, and went to get their bikes. Mathew bent down to unlock his, but April stopped him.
“Mathew wait.” She said.

“What?” He said straightening. When April spoke, she sounded the most sincerest and apologetic, he had ever heard.

“I want to apologise again, for doing and saying what I did in Hilroy’s. I had no right to embarrass, and humiliate you like that. I care about you so much that, I don’t want to loose you.”

Mathew saw that April had tears in her eyes, which caused him to tear up as well.

“I don’t want to loose you either.” He said trying to hold back, but failing, as he felt a tear run down his cheek. “It’s my fault for having to make you do that.”

Mathew wiped his eyes with his arm.

“I guess Janice was right, when she said I sometimes need a mental kick in the butt, to get me to do something.”

This caused April to giggle, despite trying to hold back her own tears.

“Anytime.” She said and hugged him.

All of a sudden, Mathew felt something hard, hit him on the back of his right shoulder. Whatever it was, hit with such force, that besides crying out in pain, it also knocked both him and April to the ground.

April pushed Mathew off of her, and despite his writhing in pain, she thought she heard the sound of some body, laughing. She tried looking for the source, but a crowd had started to form, which blocked her view.

“What the heck was that!” Mathew said through clenched teeth as he sat up.

“I don’t know.” April said sounding angry.

Just then someone knelt down beside Mathew.

“Are you okay, son?” The man asked.

“I’m fine. Something hit me on the back.”

“Let me see.” The man said starting to grab a hold of Mathew’s t-shirt.

“My dad’s a Doctor!” April said tersely as she brushed the stranger’s hands aside. “I’ll let him look at it!”

With that, she helped Mathew to his feet, and after unlocking both bikes, they rode off.