Take Three Girls - Part 1 (Totally Rewritten)

Take Three Girls

(The reason for the re-write of this is given at the end of this chapter. I apologise if I have upset anyone)

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

In this chapter we meet all three of the girls and you get a flavour of their experiences. As this is a true story all names and locations have been changed.

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Take Three Girls

My name is Avril. I’m a post operative transsexual, I transitioned some 10 years ago after years of denial, years of acting the macho man and years of – yes years of shame and disgust at myself for wanting to be something that society said was wrong.

Eventually I realised that I was living a lie. Denying what was patently true and so I started on the long, and at times lonely road to womanhood.
Some of my family stood by me some; unable to understand why I was doing this shunned me!
The same was true of my friends; however those that stood by me and supported me are now my true friends.

My road to womanhood was lonely and difficult. I had no idea who to turn to and in truth apart from my counsellor the medical profession while professional were not really understanding. They considered me an oddity against the socially accepted norm – thank god that things are different today.

In the end I transitioned and after years of torturous dieting I am down to 130lbs 5’ 10” I have gone blonde and to all intents and purposes a woman.
During my transition I had grown to ignore the remarks, pretending that I was impervious to them. They all hurt at the time though and did scar me.
Now it’s a totally different story as no one notices me or if they do they see the woman I am.
I am now a totally confident woman who has a profession as an engineer and a fledgling business restoring furniture.

I live in a Northern City, not known for it tolerance, and I work part-time for an organisation that mentors gender-confused teenagers. As the hurtful remarks I had endured remain with me; I was determined to try and protect these confused teenagers as much as I could mainly through being there if and when they needed me.

Please do not get the idea that every teen we see finally changes sex. The opposite is true most of the teens that come to see us are at or around puberty and are simply confused.
This is a very common occurrence that these days is a recognised condition. 99.999% realise their true sexuality and gender identity during puberty.

However the spring of 2007 was a strange month as these two girls came to see us for advice.

This is the story of two brave and very special young girls and their journey. Throughout this story I will refer to Kate and Victoria in the female gender as their original given names and gender is not important.

Kate’s Story

Spring 2007

“What are you doing tonight Jan?” I asked this of my co-worker and friend as we sat at our desks in the office we shared. “Not too much” she responded, “I think Danny’s taking me to the pub while the kids are out – then we’ll grab a Chinese on the way home and feed the brutes as they’ll be starving after dance and football.”

We both work part time and this morning we were catching up on paperwork. It was a lovely spring morning one where God had turned off the taps and turned up the heating and it was too nice to be stuck in an office.

There was a tap at the door “come in” we chorused - as the door was nearly open it was very unusual for anybody to knock. We looked at each other in a mixture of shock and amazement; “I was told to come and see you missis!” This statement came from the lips of a slender brown haired androgynous individual sporting a puffed up lip and a black eye as well as numerous bruises.

“Sweetheart please come in” Jan said, “who told you to come and see us?” “Social woman” was the terse response as she entered our small office.
“Who did that to you?” I asked, “Me mam and dad.” Came the shocking answer. “Come in and sit down errrr – what’s your name love?” She straightened her back and said, “Kate – me name’s Kate” giving me a look daring me to challenger her.

She came in and sat perched on the edge of one of three small easy chairs we had in the office as we found a desk often seems intimidating. We went and sat on the other chairs and looked at our visitor.
Jan smiled comfortingly and started, “Right Kate I take it you mean someone from the social services?” “Yep that’s right missis” came the answer. Jan smiled saying, “look Kate please call me Jan and this is Avril.” Kate simply nodded.

“Now why did the social services send you to us?” I asked “Cos I’m a girl and no one believes me.” Jan then asked, “What do you mean no one believes you?” Kate gave a cross between a sigh and a sob saying, “I told me mam and she hit me, then me dad came home from t’pub and he hit me.”
” But why sweetheart” Jan persisted. She mumbled something we didn’t catch. “Kate” Jan persisted “Please talk to us why did they do this to you?” “BECAUSE THEY TOLD ME NOT TO BE DAFT I’M A BOY!” She shouted at us then she started sobbing.
“I’m not a boy honest I’m a girl, A GIRL HEAR ME!”

Things were getting a bit stressed so I thought I’d try another tack, “Kate, you hungry?” I got s suspicious look from her as she grunted, “Why?” I struggled on, “Well it’s a really nice day and it’s lunch time how about we go across the road to McD’s and sit outside.
” For the first time we saw a bit of animation, “y’mean that miss.... sorry Avril – can I call you Av?”
I grinned answering, “yes and I’ve been called worse – Av it is.” We got our handbags and cardigans and left.
At MacDonald’s we ordered a Chicken Salad and diet coke for me (still trying to loose weight) Jan ordered a Big Mac and diet coke while our new friend Kate went for a Big Mac, large fries and a strawberry milkshake!

We went outside and sat at one of the picnic tables away from everybody else. We started eating and Jan asked, “Well Kate do you think you could tell us what’s happened?”
As we ate we managed to drag the story out of Kate. Apparently she came home from school last week and announced to her mum that her name was Kate and she was a girl not a boy!
Her mother didn’t take this well and gave her a back hander giving her a thick lip.
Later when her dad got home from the pub she got another leathering screaming, “I’LL KNOCK THIS CRAP OUT OF YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SHIT – I’LL MAKE A MAN OF YOU YET!”
As Kate recounted this her façade broke and she started crying. I was sitting next to her and hugged her to me calming her down. As I hugged her slender frame to me I swear that I felt budding breasts on her chest. But now was not the time to mention this!

Jan asked, “How did the social get involved Kate?” “It sounds good” was the ambiguous reply. Confused Jan asked, “What sound good?” “Being called Kate, you’re nice you don’t tell me I’m not a girl” Jan and I looked at each other then Kate remembered the question, “Oh they’ve took me into temporary care cos me dad kept on thumping me!” As matter of fact as that as though getting hit was an everyday occurrence – which maybe it was. “How old are you Kate?” Jan asked “thirteen next week” came the reply.

“There you are I was wondering where you’d got to.”
“Hi June, I take it you’re Kate’s case officer.” Jan said. June worked for the social services we’d had dealings with her before and got on well with her. Mainly because she tries to understand the problems gender confused teens have.

Very apologetic June said, “Kate we have to go, we said we’d be at Mrs Blackmans for two.”
“Not going” Kate stated flatly “I want to stay with Jan and Av they understand me!” Calmly Jan explained, “Kate, you can’t stay with us but you can come and see us anytime. We can talk anytime. Is that ok June?”

June nodded saying, “Kate, you can come and see Jan any time, please can we go.” Reluctantly Kate got up and followed June. As June left she said “I’ll phone you in about an hour – ok?”

I’m leaving Kate here and turning to Victoria’s story.

Victoria’s Story

It was two weeks later again and we were sat chatting – one thing about this voluntary work is that you don’t feel guilty having a natter!
Jan was quizzing me on a guy who I had been going out with, “Well is it getting serious?” she probed. A bit evasively I answered, “I don’t think so I haven’t known him long” “Av,” Jan responded, “you’ve been going out with him for three months – how long do you need to know someone?” I was about to answer when a tap at the door stopped me. There stood a woman of about my age along with a stunningly beautiful girl of about 13. The woman spoke politely asking, “excuse me are you Gender Teen?”

We told her that she had found us and asked her to come into our rabbit hutch. The young girl smiled widely at this remark. I did a mental groan hoping against hope that this young girl didn’t have a gender issue; she was far too pretty to want to be a boy! Then I thought ‘she must have some problem because she’s here to see us. A quick glance at Jan and I could tell she was thinking similar thoughts.

“Please sit down” Jan said waving to the easy chairs, I dragged one of the office chairs around and we sat in a rough circle.
“Now how can we help you?” Jan asked brightly. The woman looked embarrassed clearing her throat she said quietly, “It’s my son here” Whoa did she just say son I thought! “Mother” the girl butted in, “please I’m a girl, so I’m your daughter!”

Her mother looked anguished telling us, “That is why we have come to see you. We need help and while I was visiting the doctors I saw your poster and thought........” She trailed off. The girl spoke, “it’s true I was born a boy, but I’m really a girl it’s as obvious as the nose on your face!”
This girl was very erudite and well spoken and certainly knew her mind. Her name was Victoria and she was 13!

We asked her mother how did she think we could help. Tears welled in her eyes and she answered. “I think we need professional help and I just don’t know were to turn I want what’s best for my child.”
I noticed she avoided the word daughter so I asked, “and how do you feel about Victoria?
She was silent for a while wringing her hands finally after much mental soul searching she answered. “At first I thought it was a phase he was going through but now with her breasts growing – well I just don’t know. We need some help.”
We asked about puberty and found that apart from the breast development there were no signs of male puberty.
Victoria piped up, “I’m a full ‘A’ cup they are gorgeous!” We explained about gynecomastia.

We asked about school and bullying, Victoria answered here, “Bully’s are stupid; they are socially inadequate who pick on the weak – well I’m not weak!” This was from someone who was 13 years old she was obviously wise beyond her years and mentally tough. We asked about her friends at school and found out that they were all girls.
Next we asked about her doctor, whether they had seen him. Before her mother could speak Victoria butted in “he’s a fool! Told mum I’d grow out of it – Ha!”

We suggested to her mum that she return to her doctor and ask to be referred to the Tavistock and Portman in London. They specialise in gender identity issues and will carry out a full evaluation.
I warned her that as well as physical assessment there would be be psychological assessments but not to be afraid of them as they are not judgemental they simply want what’s best for her.

As they left I commented, “Victoria you are one very lucky girl – your parents only want what’s best for you.” She nodded then asked, “Can I come and talk to you again?” We both answered in the affirmative adding, “Only if your mum doesn’t mind that is”
He mother smiled I think this session had drained her she said, “If you feel that you have to come and talk to these ladies then do so – but please let me know where you are as you know I worry.” I piped up, “Please I’m Avril and she is Jan. Ladies make us sound old!”
Victoria nodded smiling saying, “I will mum you know I love you” then looking directly at me she ended with, “I think you know what I’m going through – bye and thanks.”

Every Woman's Song

As they left the two of us flopped down on the easy chairs looking at each other in amazement. Jan said “two serious looking cases in one month? Are they putting something in the water?”

Writers Note: I have re-written this as I felt telling it in the third person did not convey the raw emotions and the actuality of events at the time.
This could well have been down to the fact that I was uncomfortable in writing in the third person preferring to write as I would tell someone.
If I have upset anyone I really apologise. If you have read both versions before I asked Erin to remove it I would appreciate your comments – and forgiveness.

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

In this chapter I am concentrating on Kate because as you may have read in Part 1 Kate was having quite a difficult time. As this is a true story all names and locations have been changed.

My story is told, is history. Now I can concentrate on Kate and Victoria who both had very different experiences of the joy and pain of finding themselves.

Now back to Kate’s story.
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After June and Kate left us we sat in the sun for a short while then went back to the office Jan asked me, “Well what do you think of Kate?” I considered this question carefully finally answering, “Jan I don’t think that is the end of our involvement with her. Also I’m sure that she had gynecomastia because I am certain that I felt them when I comforted her.”
“Hmmmm” was the considered response from Jan, except for, “She’s a gutsy little thing though!” I grunted, “You’re not wrong there. I think she’ll get anything she wants through sheer force of character!”

The phone rang and Jan put it onto speaker while I closed the door to the office.
“Hi June” Jan said, telling June that we had the speakerphone on so we could discuss Kate.
June filled us in (well as much as she could) on how she became involved. When Kate arrived at school battered it was the school that contacted the social services. Kate is in temporary care until things can be discussed and hopefully sorted out with her parents so far this was not going well.

We asked about counselling for Kate, June told us that this is why she sent her to us to see what we think.

Next came school, June heaved a sigh telling us, “It’s the same at school she told everyone that her name was Kate and she was a girl – she will only answer to Kate.”
I asked about bullying: this caused June to chuckle, “No problems at all the kids who tried ended up worse off he’s a feisty little thing and her brother keeps an eye on her.”
Jan commented, “June until we get this sorted out things may go a little smoother if you refer to him as a her – if you see what I mean! The same with any foster carer, it may smooth things a bit.” “Yeh I see what you mean” June started to say when she stopped. “Hang on a minuet my mobiles going.”

She was back to us after a minuet or so telling us, “Got to go, he’s done a runner after cutting every stitch of clothing he has except for what he has on his back.” Then as an afterthought added “She, but you get the idea”.
With that Jan and I were left looking at each other Jan asked, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
I nodded answering, “You get home and I’ll stay!” “You sure she asked” I nodded adding, “Look Jan you’ve got builders in and your kids’ll be home soon get off with you.”
Getting her coat Jan gave me a peck on the cheek saying, “You’re a Star Avril or can I call you Av?” I gave a snort at that, “Gerroff home before I change my mind.”

I settled down putting the radio on and making a cup of tea also making sure that the door was open as we both had the same feeling we would have a little visitor in the near future.

Three hours later and I had just phoned my next-door neighbour to get her to let my dogs out and feed them I glanced up and sure enough there stood Kate.
“Oh Kate, what have you done?” I sighed. I could see she was agitated so I told her, “Look come on in love no ones going to do anything to you but sweetheart you just cannot go on this way.”

“I’m not going back” was the defiant answer. I sighed at this, “Kate love, you’re twelve” “Thirteen” came the response. “Right” I snapped “Thirteen” then mellowing I softly said, “But it’s so difficult to help you when all you do is silly things like cut up all your clothes – why did you do it love?”
“She kept calling me a boy wouldn’t believe me! I’m not going back never!” I sighed at this saying, “Cup of tea?” a shake of the head was the reply to this so I tried again, “Hungry” at least I got a begrudging nod to this question.
I soldiered on, “Don’t tell me McD’s again?” this time I got a response; “Can we?” I nodded then put the proviso to Kate, “But I’ve got to call June we’ve got everyone looking for you!”
“Not going back” was the response. I sighed again “Look Kate let me call June and we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it – is that ok?” I got a begrudging “ok Av.” (At least she was calling me by my name)

I phoned June and told her that I had Kate with me and would meet her across the road. I pre-warned June that Kate doesn’t want to go back. June sighed saying; “And Mrs Blackman doesn’t want her back says that she’s disruptive so we are in a bit of a quandary here Avril”

We went across and again had a McDonalds, as we sat down I commented that I’d soon look like a Big Mac! Kate looked at me and gave me a cheeky grin that completely transformed her from a dour scowly bolshie teen into an animated quite pretty girl!

“You ought to smile more often” I said, “Why” was the answer “You look quite pretty when you smile – but there again you’ve not had much to smile about have you.”
“Do I?” came the question, “Do you what” I replied, “Look pretty?” I sighed, “Yes Kate, yes you do.” Thank you” now I was confused (Kate has a habit of doing that) “What for” I countered. “For telling me I’m pretty.”

We ate for a while I let Kate do all the talking she talked about her brothers her mum but never her dad. She commented on what girls around us were wearing whishing she could wear the same.

“How do your brothers feel about you (now I had to tread carefully here) telling your mum you’re a girl?” She gave a broad grin saying, “them three don’t mind they’ve always said I should have been a girl, Big Carl said mam always wanted a girl then I popped out.”

“What are they like?” Kate smiled affectionately saying, “They’re monsters, thick as two short planks but they look after me – Wayne’s still at school so the bullies leave me alone else he’d deck em!”

She obviously adored her brothers. Then she carried on, “I’ve got to be a girl cos I’ve got brains them three don’t” I automatically corrected her, “It’s do not, not don’t” “Eh” she responded. “Kate” I sighed, “If you’re going to be a girl you will have to learn how to speak like one.” (Now how middle class is that?)

Kate chortled at that, “Wot me! Speaking all posh Aunty Av” I realised what I had said and started to say I was sorry; but Kate butted in, “Aunty Av; you’re right I want to be just like you, a proper girl!”

I realised the problems I may have inadvertently caused and tried to backtrack then something struck me. “Where did the Aunty bit come from?” She gave me that cheeky grin and answered, “Well you’re just like an Aunty” then her face changed to the sulky bolshie teenager, “Shit! The wicked witch of the west’s arrived.” I turned and saw June I hissed, “language Kate and June’s nice she really care’s”

June arrived and said, “There you are Kate I was worried. Just a sec while I get something to eat I’m starving.” I took this time to speak to Kate, “Now look, you be nice to June – give her a chance ok?” I got a glower but a grudging “Ok Aunty Av” off her.

June came back with a cheeseburger and coffee as she sat down she sighed “Oh Kate what am I going to do with you?” “Not going back” came the defiant response. “No Kate your not going back, Mrs Blackman won’t have you back so it looks like the hostel for you until we can find somewhere!”

I was appalled not really thinking I blurted out, “June you can’t sent her there that’d be cruel.”
June looked at me shrewdly saying, “Well Jan’s house is like a building site so she’s out. That only leaves..........” She tapered off looking directly at me. “Oh please Aunty Av, please” this came from Kate.

I was in a state of shock, “but I’ve never looked after, I mean I’ve not been vetted errrr.” Then I ran out of excuses. June looked at me saying “Avril you’ve got your CRB check, this is an emergency can you help or can’t you?”

“How long?” I asked weakly. “Oh about a week ten days at the most” was the reply.
I looked at Kate’s eager animated face and knew I couldn’t refuse so I gathered what shreds of dignity I had and nodded, “Ok June I’ll do it.”

June gave me a broad smile saying, “Thank god Avril, I hoped against hope that you’d agree – Jan said she thought you would.”
I realised that I had been stitched up like a kipper and grinned ruefully. Kate was beaming she looked just like any other little girl.

June finished her food and getting up said “Oh you’ll need some clothes for your lodger – Aunty Av! Keep the receipts and I’ll see you’re reimbursed – Bye, see you tomorrow and don’t forget the school uniform, that was shredded too!” with that she left a glowing ecstatic Kate and a very bewildered me.

I looked at my watch, it was a little before six, “right young lady we’ve got some shopping to do.” Luckily it was Thursday which was late night shopping. So we got into my beat up Ford Focus and headed for the nearest branch of Matalan. (This is a retail chain of clothes shops that sell good quality clothes at a good price.)
As we arrived and got out of the car Kate took my hand and beaming up at me saying, “I really like you aunty Av you understand me!” As we walked into the store I thought to myself ‘more than you realised Kate, more than you realise’.

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Note: the CRB is a check that is carried out on all people working with children and vulnerable adults it is designed to stop unsuitable people gaining access to the children.

Take Three Girls
Part 3

Link
Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

In this chapter I continue telling Kate’s story going to school also I meet her brothers and learn more about Kate’s home life.

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Call me a coward or what every you want; but instinctively I knew that if I headed for the boys part of the store all hell would break loose (metaphorically speaking).
So I headed for the girls section, I glanced down at Kate’s face she was so animated, a look of absolute pleasure was there, I said, “what have you left in one piece” “Nowt!” came the reply, I sighed and picked up two six packs of girly cotton panties. Kate gasped, ”they for me?” I looked at her and asked, “why d’you want underpants?” “No, please no Aunty Av. These are perfect.”

We went around and I picked out the most androgynous girls clothes I could find. This seemed to suit Kate. Then I lost her! In a panic I looked around to see her looking at a really nice dress, the colours would really suit her.
Hurrying across to her she looked up radiant, every inch a young teenage girl loving a dress. I knew that I couldn’t buy this for her as it would seem like I was guiding her down a specific route. Then I remembered my first dress and nearly weakened.
“Kate” I said quietly “I simply can’t buy you that” “Why it’s lovely” came the response. “Look” I said my job is to guide you if I got that dress for you it goes beyond guiding and into leading. Believe me I’m so sorry.”
We had a selection of girl’s jeans, joggers, T-shirts, tunic tops and panties, some sleeping gear, a camisole top and flowing trousers (nothing remotely masculine in this section.) Now for shoes, so I got some girls trainers that were not too girly and of course socks.

Now for the school uniform. I started heading towards the boy’s section when Kate stopped dead. “Where we going?” she asked “I’ve got to get you a school uniform for tomorrow.” “There” she said pointing to the rack of girls clothing.
I thought about this. The school uniform consisted of; black trousers or slacks, white shirt or blouse the school tie and a ‘V-necked’ pullover and and black shoes.

I looked at the selection and finally chose the most masculine slacks and blouse I could find which contented her the pullover was a unisex item and the shoes again girls shoes but the most masculine I could find.

When I got to the checkout the bill came to £150 my flexible friend was not going to be so flexible! (My credit card).
We passed a branch of Next and Kate was drawn to a burgundy parka type jacket (in the sale luckily) as she needed a jacket for school – I got it for her she picked up some scrunchies I thought what the hell her hair needs something to tame it so these were added to our haul.

It was a twenty-minute drive to my house a typical semi detached Victorian house with a rather large garage that also doubled as my workshop.
As I pulled onto the drive Kate said with some awe, “You live here aunty Av?” I smiled at her, “Well I either live here or we’re about to break into someone’s house.” “Bloody hell its huge” she gasped, “Language Kate” I automatically told her then carried on, “Its not that big though.” Kate snorted saying, “You want to see where I live in Don Street.”
Then I understood, Don Street was one of the less well off places in the city a street of Victorian Terrace’s originally two up two down but nowadays most had a couple of dormer bedrooms in the attic and an extension which gave them a larger kitchen.
“Come on then Kate grab your bags and I’ll introduce you to my dogs” I said as I got out of the car. “Dog’s’ she said, “You’ve got dogs Aunty Av?” I nodded and answered “Two.”

Between us we managed to carry all out bags and open the front door to be greeted my dogs a black Labrador called Sam and Clumber spaniel called Dillon. Kate squealed dropped the bags she was carrying and started playing with them.
She seemed love them and these were her new best friends.

I took her upstairs and showed her bedroom (my spare bedroom) and bathroom told her to put her clothes away and then have a bath and we’ll do something with her hair.
One thing we had forgotten was a dressing gown for her so I gave her one of my satin short gowns she was about 5’ 3” (I’m 5’ 10”) so this looked like a long dressing gown. But of course it was way too big for her as then I was then a size 18! Kate was about a size 6!

The dressing gown was a pink floral heavy satin that tied at the waist with a broad sash. “Can I really wear this Aunty Av?” This made me grin, “Of course you can we forgot to get you one at Matalan.” I watched her stroke the satin the look on her face was something to behold.
I started the bath running and about 10 minutes later Kate wearing just her boy’s underpants joined me. Completely without embarrassment she took them off and made ready to get into the bath. “Can I put some of that stuff in?” she asked waving in the general direction of my bath cream. These were all feminine scented but not overpowering so I put some into the water and watched as Kate lowered herself into the water.

Her body was very slender and indeed she had small breasts, no body hair her skin was silky smooth as one would expect for someone of that age.
There were no signs of male puberty; her penis being about 1” and that was it.
I left her to wash herself telling her to wash and condition her hair! “Aunty Av wot’s conditioning?” I sighed to myself and replied, “Kate have your bath, don’t wash your hair then I’ll come and show you – ok?” “Ok aunty Av” was the chirpy response.

I went downstairs to fuss the dogs and also to see exactly what I had in the house that a teenager would eat. “AUNTY AV!” Came the bellow from upstairs, “Coming Love” I shouted, as I started up the stairs.

Kate was in the bathroom with my satin wrap on looking every bit a girl apart from the hair that was like a rat’s nest.
Her hair was shoulder length brown and to be honest needed trimming as there were split ends everywhere.

As I washed her hair I explained about shampoo and conditioner I roughly towel dried it then I told her to put her nightie on while I got a shower and then we’ll dry her hair.
It was now about eight and I slipped into a nightdress and a long wrap. Going down stairs I found Kate playing with the dogs.
“Right young lady let’s get your hair sorted.” I started blow-drying her hair she sat there simply enjoying the experience – her hair was beautiful and I was totally jealous. It was a lovely shade of chestnut soft and silky.
Finally it was dry and hung beautifully. “Aunty Av can I put a scrunchy in – please.”
I smiled gently at her, knowing I was leading her down the road to woman hood AND I was very wrong doing this.
I just couldn’t help myself so I got a scrunchy and put her hair up in a high girly ponytail. She stood in front of the mirror shaking her head from side to side.
“Aunty Av, I love it!” she came up and hugged me saying, “and I love you.” I looked at her tenderly and reminded her that she was only here for a week. AND tomorrow her hair must be in a boy’s ponytail.
She asked the difference so I showed her she looked at the lower boys ponytail and commented, “I don’t like my hair this way Aunty Av!”

So I re-did it as she wanted then made some tea for me and got some juice for Kate we sat on the settee watching the TV and chatting about - well she was telling me about her life as she snuggled up to me.

She had three brothers or as she put it, “not from the same dad as me” by saying this I understood meant they were stepbrothers to her.
The story was a disjointed mess as it seemed that she is so full of energy her mind leaps from topic to topic making it hard to keep up but I managed to piece together that her dad was step dad to her brothers their dad had died in a building site accident shortly after her next oldest brother had been born (does that make sense).

This next bit was really a bit shocking so I will tell it as more or less as she said it – remember this is from a 13 year old!
“Well after their dad died me mam couldn’t keep her legs together and copped for me! So she married me dad who drank the compo mam got after me bruvvers dad died (her first husband) and pissed it up against the wall then he started knocking her around! But when me bruvvers grew up they stopped him they really brayed him so when they’re around he don’t touch me mam or me!”

I commented, “You’ve not had an easy life have you love?” She sighed saying, “Oh it’s been all right; just that me dad’s a prat without him we’d be happy – I love me mam and miss her she didn’t mean to crack me she’s just afraid of me dad and - well cracked me one!” She looked up at me I noticed that she had the most beautiful green eyes; she gave a little sob, “I really miss me mam – I think she understands me but it’s me dad that’s the twat!”

I was a bit shocked with this. Sure I was aware that kid’s lived like this but until you’re confronted with the truth of the situation it’s remote; it happens to others not to you. I put my arm around her and hugged her to me she snuggled in close.

About ten I said, “come on young lady its bed time.” “But It’s early” she protested. “Not in this house it isn’t – bed you’ve school tomorrow.” “Oh aunty Av” came the pitiful response. “Bed” I repeated, “you can stay up later tomorrow.”
Grumbling she got up and headed upstairs, I followed her making sure that she cleaned her teeth and got into bed. “Oh I haven’t said goodnight to Sam and Dillon” she exclaimed getting out of bed and heading past me down stairs. I sighed at this remembering when I had tried the same excuses to eke out going to bed.

Eventually I got her in bed and started to leave the room, “Aunty Av” came a sleepy voice. “Yes love” “Thanks Aunty Av I love you.” Walking back to the bed I bent over and kissed her on the brow saying, “you’ve only known me for a day.” “But I still love you” she managed to murmur then silence I think the day had caught up with her.

I went downstairs poured myself a glass of wine and reflected on what had been a very eventful day! I had a feeling that I would be Kate’s support for quite a while and be there for her when she needed support.

Bridge

Take Three Girls
Part 4

Take Three Girls

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

In this chapter I carry on with Kate’s story meeting her stepbrothers and finding out more about her life - which has not been an easy one!

**********************************

Next morning I was up early Kate was still fast asleep so I left her until just after seven. Somewhat grumpily she went to the bathroom to get ready while I got her clothes ready.
Over breakfast she asked me what I was doing during the day, I explained that today was my ‘proper’ workday and I had some reports to finish she asked what they were about and I told her that I was an engineer.
As the school was some distance away I told her I’d drive her there and pick her up at 3:30 when school finished. I asked if she was ok with this to which she answered, “I suppose so.”

Now I remember from when I was at school I hated getting picked up so I suggested that she walk to McDonalds and I would meet her there about four. She was a lot happier with this so this was the deal.
I checked her before we left; the clothes we bought were very androgynous but still decidedly female.

I tied her hair back in a male style ponytail using an elastic band and we were ready. Then I remembered her lunch in a panic I asked her what she did for lunch. “Nowt” was the reply so I tried another tack, “what would you like to do for lunch?” “Dunno” so I said “How about a packed lunch or a chip shop?” “Bag of chips aunty Av” so that was organised. (God it’s hard work when you’re not used to kids!”)
After dropping her off it was back home and starting work on the report I was finishing.
June phoned to see how I was getting on then Jan but eventually it was completed and emailed to the recipients. I went to the supermarket then I reached McDonalds just before 4.

Getting a coffee I sat and waited, keeping an eye out for her. “Hi Aunty Av this is Marie do you like my hair? Can we have a milkshake?” as usual all in one breath.
“W, w, what have you done to your hair?” I squeaked, “Oh my God!” I gasped.

When she left this morning her hair was pulled straight back from her forehead in a loose ponytail. Now she had a fringe with wisps of hair framing her face, she had a high ponytail it was a very feminine style. “Me hair’s great innit aunty Ave Kirsty did it at lunchtime.”
In a daze I passed them some money for a milkshake and in a state of shock watched them heading for the counter to all intents and purposes two teenage girls.

When we got home Kate went to change out of her school clothes while I made out dinner a simple meal of pasta and garlic bread with fruit for me and fruit and ice cream for Kate, when she came downstairs her hair was down and with the fringe she was all teenage girl.

I had to ask her, “Kate why did you get your hair cut?” She grinned up at me telling me, “So I don’t look like a boy anymore – and it’s worked hasn’t it?”
I shook my head in amazement sighing, “Oh Kate you’re going to get me into so much trouble.”
She was playing with my dogs while I was cooking then she looked up saying, “I like it and I don’t care what anyone says!”

We has our dinner and were clearing away when the front doorbell rang – wondering who was visiting me as I certainly wasn’t expecting anyone.
I left Kate in the room and answered the door. Standing on my doorstep were three very large men, well two men and a lad about 16 or 17.
All had skinhead haircuts and the bigger two were covered in tattoos I was a bit afraid as I asked, “Yes? Can I help you?” The guy at the front growled, “Are you t’sex woman?”
To say I was taken aback was putting it mildly, “I beg your pardon?” I asked shocked. He started to speak again when a tornado hurtled past me “Carl; Pete; Wayne Oh am I glad to see you how’s me mam how you find me this is Aunty Av!” as usual all this was said in just one breath as she was hugged gently by these monsters.
“Aunty Av they’re me bruvvers can they come in?” “Errrr yes I suppose so” I really wasn’t aware of the fostering protocol of this situation; but I certainly couldn’t stop these lads – even if I was inclined to.

They trooped in and I closed the door heaving a sigh. I went into the living room and everyone was sat down I cleared my throat and asked, “Tea or Coffee anyone?” “Tea please missis milk and two for me and Pete; Wayne don’t drink tea or coffee.” “Oh” I said weakly “I’ve got some coke if that’s any good?” Wayne grinned, “That’s great missis Ta.”
I brought the drinks in and said, “Look guys please call me Avril!” “Or Av” piped up Kate.
Carl said, “You’re lookin good Kate, clothes suits ya and I like your hair! Now you really look like our baby sister”

I was still a bit wary of these three remembering that they had already done some damage to Kate’s dad but I had to ask, “You don’t mind Kate being a girl?” Carl looked at me as though I was an idiot the answered, “Bloody ell missis sorry Av no. She should have been a girl cos she’ll never be a lad!” Kate was sat between the two eldest like a very little girl snuggling into them happy to be with her brothers.
“What do you mean err Carl” he smiled condescendingly at me and said, “Look Av I’ll show ya.
Wayne stand up!” Wayne was sat on the floor stood up, he was at least 6’ tall and of stocky build. Carl carried on, “Kate stand next to Wayne luv.” Kate did as she was told. “Right” Carl said, “How old is Wayne?” “Looking at him I would say 17” I guessed. “Wrong he’s 15 and a bit, 2 years older than Kate. Look at them Kate’s a lass she’s never a lad! Christ she’s even got tit’s!”

“OUR CARL” a very angry Kate butted in, “I HATE that word they are my boobies or boobs – WILL YOU REMEMBER THAT YA PLANK!” My god I thought, those green eyes looked like lasers as she glared at her brother. Suitably chastened Carl muttered, “Sorry young un.”

I’ll spend a few lines describing Carl and Pete (the quiet one) they are both well over 6’ tall and built like brick outhouses they are both well muscled and covered in Tattoo’s – even on their heads their hands are like shovels.
They are the kind of guys you would cross the street to avoid but as I found they are really nice guys – unless you cross them.

“How’s Mam” Katie asked. Pete answered this time; “She’s ok young un but missing you like crazy and beating herself up for slapping ya!” Kate’s anger had evaporated she replied wistfully, “And I miss her I wish I could see her on my birthday.”

Carl spoke here, “I don’t think that’s allowed kiddo,” as he said this he looked at me. “Don’t ask me, Kate’s the first time I’ve ever looked after anyone – I can ask if you want?” Carl looked thoughtful saying, “Don’t bother Av.

Now we better be going and leave you two in peace.” “Oh don’t go you’ve just got here” this came from Kate. The three got up to leave Carl saying, “Look young un we’ll see you again – Av, can we take her shopping for a birthday present tomorrow? We’ll bring her back honest.” “Bloody right you’ll bring me back!” Snapped Kate “Language Kate” I automatically corrected her.
Pete gave a broad grin at this telling Kate; “You listen to your aunty Av, if your going to be a girl good girls don’t swear.” I couldn’t resist, “I swear” the retort came back, “well there you are and you seemed like a good girl.” I grinned at that as I had walked right into it!

We saw them to the door then as they left each of them hugged Kate who had tears in her eyes. Carl looked at me and simply said, “you’re OK Av, look after our little girl.” “Don’t worry I will.” I answered, Carl nodded then they left in the same way as I assumed they had arrived namely a very battered Transit van.

The next day I took Kate when I walked the dogs then she got ready for her brothers, with her new hairstyle – she couldn’t hide the fact that she was a girl. As I thought about it she reminded me of myself but when I was that age there was nobody no organisations girls like me could turn to, as I thought of all the hurt and snide remarks I suffered I made a vow to myself to try and protect Kate as much as I could - not that she needed much protection!

She dressed in skinny jeans and a knitted top, her burgundy jacket – again (this was the only one we had) so I decided to get her another one for her birthday.
Her brothers arrived right on time this time driving an elderly but well loved BMW she was bubbling as she climbed in shouting. “SEE YA LATER AUNTY AV!” Carl asked, “Wot time do you want her back.” “About five if your ears can stand it” I laughed.” He nodded commenting, “Know wot you mean.”

So having the day to myself I did some restoration work went out and bought Kate a black PU short bikers jacket along with a handbag also and did my supermarket shop. Jan phoned to see how I was managing so we nattered for a while.

I was making tea when a whirlwind descended on me it was my little friend Kate. “Aunt Av we’ve had a great day me bruvvers have got me a load of prezzies we had some dinner at KFC and look at me ears!” as usual all this was said in one breath while bouncing up and down with excitement.

I glanced at her ears and did a double take they now had 2 piercings each! With a set of green studs and a gold ring! What could I do? Nothing! I simply sighed, “Oh Kate.”
Then she remembered, “Oh and Carl would like to talk to you” “where is he?” I asked,
“Waiting outside” came the reply.

After telling Kate to continue to stir the risotto I made my way to the door in a daze, “Sorry Carl but she’s only just happened to mention that you’re here. You should’ve come in.”
Carl smiled saying, “No it’s not right to just come into someone’s house, anyhow I really want to thank you, I’ve never seen her so happy you’re doing a great job.”

This made me blush and I managed to say, “It’s nothing, she’s a lovely girl.” He nodded in agreement then asked, “Av we’d like to take you and Kate out to Frankie and Bennies for her birthday, is that ok? We’ll have to see you there cos we’ve got to shower up after work”

I was a bit stunned but got myself together and managed to answer, “Err yes that’s fine, what time shall we see you there?” “About six” was the answer “and don’t tell her we’ll be there, it’s a surprise” I looked over my shoulder down the hall smiling saying, “it’s amazing she’s not ear-wigging! But are you sure you want me there after all it’s Kate’s birthday?” He smiled saying, “Av you are making Kate very happy SHE would want you there and so do I.” I smiled at him saying, “Ok see you Monday!” with that he left and I went back to make sure our tea had survived Kate looking after it.

To be a Woman

Take Three Girls

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

In this chapter I carry on with Kate’s story her surprise birthday party and finally meeting her mother which was a very emotional experience.

************************

Miraculously the seafood risotto had survived Kate’s attempts at stirring it to keep it moving so before any damage was done I took over.

She continued to tell me about her day and showed me her ‘prezzies’ of course the dress was one – I would have put money on that also there was another dress a pair smoky pink chain detail sandals (which went well with her dresses) she had good taste and a pair of glittery jellybean sandals.

Through her sheer force of personality she was transforming herself I would have to speak with June I felt like I was being steamrollered by a slip of a girl – who happened not to be a girl!

I told her to go and hang up her dresses wash up by then tea would be ready. Then she came out with her pride and joy I could tell by her face. Three pairs of bras, pink, nude and white. I simply looked at them and sighed. I had purposefully not bought her any as such a feminine garment .............. Oh well you may understand my dilemma.
(I noticed that these past two days – god ONLY two days it seemed like a lifetime I was doing a lot of sighing)

“Upstairs young lady and hang up your dresses and wash – quick now” I resorted to avoiding the issue it seems I’m a pushover to someone so forceful!

I put the seafood into the risotto and when she came down tea was ready I took it to the table and we sat down. Kate looked at the food with suspicion, “Wot’s this?” she asked picking up a king prawn. So I told her.
Next for her inspection was a scallop then a cube of salmon followed. “Do I like them?” was next.
I realised then that she had never tried anything like this before. “Kate” I explained “they are seafood and whether you like them or not – I haven’t a clue try them.”
She tried a small piece of prawn and apparently like the taste because a whole prawn followed, Salmon next followed by scallop followed by some rice.

“Dammit” I moaned, “It didn’t work!” she was now enjoying her risotto but stopped asking, “Wot didn’t work aunty Av?” I grinned at her, “I thought this delicious seafood might have poisoned you!” She looked aghast stammering, “P, p, p, poison me” then she realised I was joking.

We carried on eating then afterwards she asked, “Can I try my clothes on pleeeeese aunty Av.”
Secretly I wanted to see her in them so I agreed saying but get a bath or a shower first as the shot upstairs I shouted “And don’t get your hair wet!

I started up the dishwasher then went upstairs Kate was drying herself I passed her some talc and told her to use it, then I went to her bedroom, she had hung her dresses up, the floral skater dress was a bit short, the graffiti print dress was nearly knee length – well about 4” above the knee.

I managed to cover the mirror up before Kate came into the bedroom she was wearing my wrap and looking lost in it. I saw that she had also bought (or her brothers had bought) some fancy panties to match her bras.

I passed her a pair of pink floral silky panties and she slipped them on. The look of absolute delight on her face was something to behold. Next came the pink training bra I made her slip it on then not making things easy for her I made her try to fasten it behind her back. Eventually as she was getting frustrated I took pity in her and fastened it for her.
Without being told she settled her budding breasts into the cups – which they filled, she was growing fast!

Next came the floral skater dress as I felt that this would suit her. She looked so excited as she stepped into the dress. There was a look of absolute bliss on her face I zipped it up for her and made sure it was draped, as it should be.
Next her hair I brushed it until it shone keeping it loose I used curling tongues to flick it under framing her face – with the fringe she now looked adorable.
Shoes! To go with this dress she was going to need shoes, luckily during her shopping spree with her brothers they had bought a pair that would match

So I got her to put them on then I passed her the little charm crochet bag in black. With a cross body strap with a zip fastening and intricate beaded detail on the handle.
I looked at the finished article and I felt myself welling up inside she looked gorgeous every inch a teenage girl no trace of the boy remained – nothing!

I made her stand with her back to the mirror as I uncovered it, when she turned around the look of absolute amazement and bliss on her face was indescribable.

She managed to utter a strangled, “Oh” before dissolving into floods of tears which set me off weeping tears of joy. I knelt down to hug her and comfort her.

“Aunty Av” she sobbed, “I’m a girl! I really am a girl. I knew I was all along!” I hugged her to me and managed to tell her, “Kate love you look like a girl; this is very different to being one. Sweetheart what we need to do is get some professional help – will you do this?”

Her tear stained green eyes looked gravely at me tears streaming down her face she asked in a plaintive voice, “Are you sure aunt Av will they help me?” I nodded not trusting myself to speak then marshaling my reserves of strength I told her, “Love nothing can be done until you’re 18, what the doctors can do is assess you to make sure that this isn’t a passing phase..... “ “It isn’t” she declared vehemently, “I’m a girl”
I started again, “Listen Kate please” “Ok aunt Av” so I continued, “Once they are happy they will hopefully give you a drug which stops puberty so you won’t develop and male characteristics.
They will give you this until you are old enough to make an informed decision!” “She was about to argue with me but I was ready for her, I took hold of her arms and looking her straight in the eyes I told her, “Kate that is the way it is, there’s no use fighting it – ok?”

Her slender shoulders slumped and very quietly she answered, “Ok aunty Av but will you be there to help me?” What could I say? I really had to be there if she needed me.
To lighten the atmosphere I said to her, “Monday do you want to go to Frankie and Bennie’s for a birthday tea?”
She looked at me with hope in her eye’s, “Really, we can really got there – Oh aunty Av yes please.” “And” I asked, “Do you want to wear your dress?”
The look on her face, “Can I honestly can I? Oh yes please I’d love to.” Right then I’ll phone and book a table.” I said “BUT YOU” I emphasised “are going to have to learn how to behave when you’re wearing a short dress so you don’t show the world your knickers.”

So I took her downstairs and had her walking sitting and moving in the short dress making sure she acted like a girl. I phoned Jan to ask her advice, filling her in on everything that had happened since Friday.
Jan laughed saying, “Seems like she’s very stubborn and resourceful!” “You’re not kidding me” I snorted, “It’s like riding a bike with no brakes I’m careering out of control.

Then I phoned June; Kate’s case officer and filled her in on everything that had happened “June” I said, “I feel like I’ve let you down.” June reassured me saying, “Avril it seems like we’ve been outflanked by Kate and I don’t think we could have done anything about it.
How does she look in a dress?” “Very pretty – a very pretty little girl, June” I carried on saying, “June I think we are going to get some professional help for her – and if they agree get her on puberty blockers!”

There was silence and I wondered if I had gone too far. Finally June said, “I’ll see on Monday and we’ll talk then.” I told her about taking Kate to Frankie and Bennies for her birthday with her brothers mainly to check if it was ok.

She asked the time we’d be there saying, “How would it be if I brought her mum?” “Oh June that would be perfect Kate misses her mum so much. So very, very much.” “Right” June finished briskly, “I’ll get that sorted then and speak to you about help for Kate on Monday.”

When I got back to Kate in the room she was still practicing her walking and sitting. This girl sure had an iron will, when she decides to do something she does it.
I finally got her out of her dress and into a pair of PJ’s I showered and got similarly dressed then we snuggled up on the settee to watch TV.

Sunday passed quietly I did some work on some stress calculations for an offshore module while Kate played with the dogs and did her homework – this she did grudgingly but she did it.
Then she came and watched me work, asking questions about the calculations but they were sensible questions. She looked at me with a serious frown and said, “You’re real clever aint you aunty Av?” I grinned at her and responded, “No Kate I just worked hard at school you could do this.” “Nah never” she grunted, “Anyhow I’m going to be a hair dresser and make other girls pretty.”
Monday came and Kate went off to school using public transport, looking every inch a schoolgirl. I got on with my calculations as this work was on a tight deadline.
I got a phone call from June, she had arranged to Kate’s mum to come to her birthday on the pretext that we needed to discuss Kate.
This she went on was true as her mum had to be involved before she could get professional help.

Then about 2 in the afternoon my doorbell rang and Carl was standing there. He came straight to the point saying, “Thanks missis – sorry Av for arranging for our mam to be there. Mams so excited and she’s bought Kate this and wondered if she could wear it tonight?”
Carl wouldn’t come into the house so I opened the package and it held a lovely shift dress in a peach colour. I held it up and could imagine Kate wearing it.

“Carl” I asked, “Your mum doesn’t mind about Kate wanting to be a girl?” “No mi--- Av, she always wanted a girl after having us three – so she don’t mind.
It’s that tosser she married that’s causing all the hassle. I’ll swing for that bastard yet!”
He was angry I could see I put my hand on his arm saying, “Don’t be like that if you did kill him it would be you who ended up in jail then Kate would loose her big brother.”

I noticed that his forearm was huge it made my hand look dainty! He gently took my hand off his arm saying, “I know missis; I know. Right I’d better get back to work see ya tonight.” With that he gave my hand a gentle squeeze and left me standing on the doorstep wondering what had just transpired.

Going back inside I took the dress up to Kate’s room and hung it up then carried on working waiting for the whirlwind that had invaded my life to arrive.
Sure enough just before four hurricane Kate struck causing the dog’s to go into play-time mode causing chaos telling me about school and asking what time we were going out.

I told her that Carl had been and that her mum had sent her a present that was in her bedroom. She flew upstairs hotly pursued by my dogs. I followed at a slightly slower pace.
I found her with the dress in front of her body looking to see how it would look. She looked at me in anguish saying, “Me mam sent this?” I nodded “Oh I miss me mam” she sighed.
“Look” I said “do you want to wear it tonight? It would go well with my present” as I handed her the short PU bikers jacket.
“Oh aunty Av it’s perfect Oh thanks so much this will be the best birthday ever!” I simply smiled thinking ‘you don’t know the half of it Kate’.

So we got ready and the new dress really suited her, when I saw her ready to go I could have cried.

She looked lovely she was animated and excited she looked at me and asked for the thousandth time, “Do I look ok?” and for the thousandth time I told her yes.

We arrived at Frankie and Bennies before everyone else and sat in the bar area I made sure that she was facing away from the door. I saw Her brothers come in and they scrubbed up really well, and looked very smart.
The came over, Kate was oblivious to them until Carl said, “Happy birthday” with a squeal she leapt up and embraced them looking accusingly at me saying, “You knew didn’t you?”

The lads got a pint each – even Wayne who I knew was 15! We got her sat down again now she was hyper! I was June enter along with a woman who must have been Kate’s mum.
Kate was a younger version but her mum looked old beyond her years, careworn and tired. I knew from talking to Kate and her brothers that Kate’s mum was mid thirties. She looked at least 10 years older!

She slowly approached the table then simply said, “Happy birthday luv.” Kate clapped her hand to her mouth, “Mum” she breathed, “Mum is it really you?”
Tears were flooding down her face as she got up and threw herself into the arms of her mother.

The two of them simply stood embracing tears streaming down their faces while the rest of us simply watched. I swear I saw Carl and Pete wipe their eyes – I know I was weeping and even June had tears in her eyes.

Don't Waste Your Life

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

In this chapter June and I get to talk to Kate’s mother Kate gets a referral to the specialist Tavistock and Portman in London

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I looked at Carl and Pete and commented, “There must be a lot of dust in the air as I seem to have something making my eye’s water.” Typical northerner they grinned and said, “We got summat in our eyes at work it’s a bugger to get out innit Pete” “Liars” I responded with a broad grin.

I think Kate and her mum had cried themselves out. Helen (Kate’s mum) held her at arms length looking intently at her, “You look lovely sweetheart!” she finally breathed breaking into tears again.
Kate managed to hold onto her tears told her mum, “Aunty Av made sure I was dressed properly.” “Aunty Av?” her mum asked looking confused so I said, “It’s what she has decided to call me.”
Helen regarded me long and hard finally saying, “You’ve done a good job, thanks for looking after Kate till we sort thing out at home – and we’ve got to talk.”

Kate’s birthday went really well, she was just like any other thirteen year old girl animated, excited and hyper active, when the birthday cake appeared and everyone sang Happy Birthday to her there were tears in her eyes. Finally we left, I had a argument with Carl as he wouldn’t accept any money from me – typical man!

Standing outside June made arrangements with Helen and I to meet up at her office tomorrow afternoon to discuss Kate.
I was a bit uncomfortable about this because my role is simply talking to the teens and making a range of suggestions. But with Kate I was becoming emotionally involved so I spoke up, “June are you sure you want me present, this is surely between Helen and yourself I am not really qualified to..........” June cut me off looking me directly in the eyes saying, “Avril you are the best person here to give advice I would appreciate it if you are there tomorrow!”

Message received and understood I thought. Helen said quietly, “And I need you there Kate likes and trusts you.” Then she finished bitterly sobbing, “which is more than she does me!” I couldn’t help myself I took Helen into my arms telling her, “You are so wrong there Kate adores you she’s always talking about you she honestly loves you so much.”
She squeezed me saying tearfully, “I can see why Kate like’s you Avril.” Then straightening her back gathered her sons and left saying as she got into Carl’s car, “See you tomorrow – and thanks Love you Kate.”

Kate was distressed at her family leaving her, I slipped my arm around her shoulders and hugged her to me saying, “Don’t worry sweetheart you’ll be home soon you see.”
Those big green eyes looked at me, “Promise Aunt Av?” I squeezed her again and promised her. Then we walked over to my car my arm still around her slender shoulders.
“Our Carl likes you,” she suddenly announced. “Pardon” “I said Our Carl likes you!” she repeated. Well I responded, “I like him he thinks a lot about you too Kate.”
“Nooooo aunty Av I mean likes you – really likes you!” Then the penny dropped “Oh Goodness” I said weakly. She grinned up at me then as any thirteen year old would do once they see that they have the adult on the ropes (so to speak) she pressed home the advantage carrying on, “If you married our Carl you’d be my sister!” Once again I was getting outsmarted, “Kate that will never happed I’m the same age as your mother – his mother. Now behave!”
If the truth were known I was a bit uncomfortable the way the conversation was going. We got in the car and drove home, I let her wind down after the party; then about ten then it was bedtime.

I went to say goodnight as I bent over to give her a kiss she flung her arms around my neck and sobbed, “Thanks Aunt Av that was the best birthday ever!”
I smiled down at her answering, “No need to thank me Carl organised it all I did was get you there.” She hugged me fiercely telling me, “No you did it you made me pretty.” This made me laugh, “Kate; you made you pretty. You are pretty all I did was help you a little.” She let go murmuring, “I still love you Aunty Av” As I walked to the door I told her, “to go to sleep school tomorrow.” Her voice got louder and as I left she said, “He does really like you!” I didn’t trust myself to answer that.
As I went downstairs I thought to myself ‘there is no way that can ever happen, Carl was just not my type’ smiling at the thought I settled down and watched the TV.

Tuesday, this was the day I was going to meet up at Junes office and discuss Kate with June and Helen Kate’s Mum I was uncomfortable about this because I simply was not trained for this; all I do is give advice.
But I managed to talk myself into going so after Kate left, I worked until noon then getting changed drove to Junes office at the council buildings.

The meeting went well Kate’s mum really only wanted what was best for Kate but her husband was the stumbling block especially when he was ‘in drink’.
I suggested that an organisation called ‘Mermaids’ be contacted. I knew someone who worked for them who used to work at the Tavistock and Portman. So I phone my friend and arranged for a meeting the next day. June was happy with this arrangement and so was Helen so it was arranged that I pick Helen up where she worked and take them to talk to ‘Mermaids’.

Afterwards I drove Helen back to work and discovered that her husband used to be really nice until he found drink – in a big way now he gets drunk most nights and get violent at the slightest thing. This was why Carl left home and she was afraid Pete would be doing the same soon. The poor woman was really worried and I think very afraid because Pete was the main reason she (and Kate) didn’t get more abuse.

I arrived home just before Kate and told her about tomorrow. She was apprehensive but I reassured her that if this is truly how she feels then this is the path she must go down.
On Wednesday I picked Kate up from school then went to pick her mum up and drove them to the office of Mermaids.
I fully intended to sit in the car and wait for them but Kate insisted that I go with them. Helen said, “Please Avril I need some support.” So I ended up going with them.

The person I knew was a psychologist (He’d helped me in my transition before specialising in teens) and could refer Kate as required. The meeting lasted for well over an hour with Kate doing most of the talking. Helen remembers Kate telling her at six years old that god had made a mistake and could she have her Willy chopped off!
He asked her how she would feel when puberty started and she started to get male characteristics. Her response was vehement stating, “if that ever happens I’d kill myself” she looked at her mum and I and pointedly told us, “And you would never stop me!”
So it would seem that this feeling has been with Kate for years and festering away.
At the end he suggested that Kate be referred (as I’d hoped) to the Gender Identity Service at the Tavistock and Portman in London.

I took Kate’s mum back to work and as I dropped her off she asked, “If Kate has to go to London I’ll never be able to go he’ll know and go crazy.” “I understand Helen” I responded “But if you want what’s best for Kate then you have to go.”

We left it at that and drove Kate home to say she was excited was putting it mildly. I had to bring some reality into the proceedings so I told her, “Kate remember this is just the beginning until you are 16 you cannot be prescribed hormones the place you are going will be able to help. But sweetheart don’t expect too much.”
(In 2007 the UK law was anyone under the age of 16 couldn’t be given hormone treatment or Lupron (puberty blockers) this law was changed in 2011 and lowered the age to 12)

I phoned June and told her what had happened and told her about Helen’s problems about taking Kate to London. June took this on board and informed me in no uncertain terms, “Well if the referral is before Kate goes home then as you are looking after her you really have to go with her!”

We settled down to something of a normal life I really was getting used to having this tornado about the place.
Thursday came the phone call I had both been dreading and praying for. If we could get to London tomorrow we would be seen. The Tavistock and Portman were setting up for a clinical trial; which would last for three years and they were quite excited about Kate. This was a classic case of ‘it’s not what you know it’s who you know!”

So I phoned June to tell her she chuckled over the phone saying, “I’m glad you are going Avril you know exactly what she is going through.” I phoned Jan to tell her and got the same type of response. Then I phoned my friend at Mermaids and thanked him. What he said surprised me, “Avril, keep an eye on young Kate, she’s quite delicate and stressed – keep her feet on the ground.

I packed an overnight bag for the two of us, booked into a Premier Travel Inn and laid some clothes out for Kate to change into when she got home. My neighbour was happy to look after my dogs for a day now we were ready.

I phoned the Tavistock and gave the referral our appointment was for ten the next morning and would last for at least four hours. So I rearranged things begged and pleaded with my long suffering neighbour for her to look after my dogs until Sunday packed more clothes for the two of us and waited for Kate.

She arrived just before four so I hurried her upstairs to get changed when she found out where we were going she was absolutely hyper. She had never been to London she saw the appointment as a really positive step.
I was bombarded with questions “Had I put a dress in? How long would it take to get to London? Where are we staying? Will the Queen be there? Will I see her? How long are we there for?” you get the idea her mind was flitting from one thing to another. In order of asking my replies were, “Yes 2. About four hours. A Hotel. Don’t know. Doubt it. Two days.”
We caught the train – only just because she had to say goodbye to Sam and Dillon. Settling down in the carriage once again I was bombarded by questions it would seem that the furthest Kate had ever gone was to the coast for a week’s holiday at Scarborough!

Arriving at Kings Cross we headed for the tube – this was another first for Kate and the questions simply never stopped coming. I kept tight hold of her just in case and soon we were at Tower Bridge.
Our hotel was the Premier Inn at Tower Bridge, I was now well after ten but what the hell! We booked in then went for a walk across the iconic bridge and stood looking at the river.
I introduced her to Sushi – now if you are following this story you will remember the seafood risotto well this was similar but more intense in the questioning and probing with a greater range of suspicious expressions passing over her face!
After the initial scepticism she admitted that she liked Sushi except when she slapped too much wasabi on a mouthful!

While she was with me I was determined to expand her horizons give her new experiences and the Sushi was just one of these. We got back to the hotel just after midnight we slept in the same bed and slept really well until I was rudely awoken at seven by an excited Kate who wanted to go exploring. The only exploring we would do today would be at the hospital.

Lovely Day

Take Three Girls Part 7

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

Kate see’s the specialist in London and finds out about her condition and goes home. Victoria also is referred to the Tavistock and finds out about her condition. Victoria then makes a shrewd guess about my past.

*********************

“Awwww aunty Av we’re in London – lets go out for a bit before I have to go to the hospital.” A very excited Kate pleaded, so I relented saying, “Ok, ok anything for peace BUT we’ll only go down to the river (2 minutes away) and sit and watch the rush hour.” “Wot’s the rush hour” came the question so I had to explain about the two hours in the morning and evening.“ “That’s four hours why d’they call it one?”

Seven in the morning and already my head was spinning! We got dressed and merged into the masses of people going to work even at this time there were thousands. Sitting next to the Thames Kate was silent taking everything in after about an hour I said, “Breakfast?” “Ohhhhh yes aunt Ave I’m starving” was the reply. “Tell me something new” I muttered as we started walking back to the hotel.

After breakfast it was time to brave the tube I gave Kate some instructions mainly don’t leave my side and hold my hand – I was terrified of loosing her in the crowds.
We made our way to Tower Bridge tube station then made out way across to Finchley Road thence to the Portman Clinic and the gender identity development service where Kate was assessed.
It took about an hour then it was off again to a medical centre where Kate was subjected to a battery of tests and scans and had blood and urine samples taken. Throughout it all she was stoic answering question honestly and openly.

Then it was back to the Tavistock for another evaluation and preliminary discussion of their findings.

The suspicion was that Kate was what they called complex or undetermined intersex, a condition where she has an extra sex chromosome, as it stands now she will remain as she is until hormone treatment can begin at 16.
As the doctors put it “you will not virilise strongly” to which Kate answered, “Eh?” I didn’t understand either but apparently she will not take on any secondary sexual characteristics until hormone therapy is started.
This could only start at 16 when she could make an informed choice. Her back straightened I thought ‘Oh oh what’s coming now.’ (I’d seen this before)

She looked the doctor who was speaking straight in the eyes with those green lasers that are eyes and told him, “Look doctor, I’m a girl, I have made - what you say is an informed choice AND I won’t change me mind!”

So after all this we had to wait for the results of the chromosome investigation, they recognised that Kate had an issue and a programme was devised to help her consisting of the following.
Individual psychotherapy and parental support/counseling.
Also Intermittent reviews to monitor gender identity development and referral to the Pediatric Liaison Clinic for physical assessment.
Depending on the results of the chromosome tests treatment could change.

After five hours we left Kate was reasonably happy, as they hadn’t told her she was being silly and that she was a boy.
We headed back to the hotel and I phoned June to tell her of the results and she told me that Kate could go home on the Monday as things had been sorted out at home.
I was happy for her but part of me was sad, as she was good to have around. I told her the news and she seemed quite happy.
Looking at me she told me, “I’m going to miss you aunty Av – can I come and see you?” I had no idea of the protocol but sod them and their stupid protocols so I told her, “Of course you can sweetheart but tell your mum where you are going.”

We spent the rest of Friday doing a bit of sightseeing. Then back to the hotel to change then we went for something to eat and thence to the theatre, which was another first for Kate finally, getting to bed after midnight again.

Bloody seven o’clock again and she was awake. She didn’t wake me up directly but it was like sharing a bed with a hyperactive pack of dogs!
I made the mistake of opening my eyes to see those green eyes staring at me, “Great aunty Av you’re awake – can we go out again?”

I heaved a big sigh then realizing this was all new to her dragged myself out of bed and we got ready and went out for a walk along the river. So Saturday was spent showing Kate London. I grabbed some leaflets and let her read them and decide where to go.
So we ended up at Madam Tussaud’s, The London Dungeon, A river trip; Buckingham Palace (to see if she could see the Queen) Harrods (just don’t ask but she wanted to see the ‘posh shop’) we had one cup of coffee, a glass of milk and two cakes in Harrods and it came to £20!
At this rate I was going to be destitute but it was worth it. That night we went to the pictures again I let Kate choose and to my amazement she chose a chick flick saying that she’d be the first girl in school to have seen it.

If I wasn’t already aware of it that statement really rammed it home to me exactly how she saw herself!

After the cinema we went down China Town for her to see the sights hear the sounds and smell the delicious aroma.
She said that she liked Chinese food so we went into a restaurant and ate, a full meal plus a glass of wine for me and coke for Kate came to £30 only a tenner more than coffee and a bun!

We actually made it back to the hotel before midnight! AND she didn’t wake me at seven the next morning! It was seven thirty!
We went for the walk along the river had breakfast then packed our small cases and headed to Kings Cross for our trip home.

We were greeted by the dogs who were over the moon to see us, I took my neighbor a little something to thank her for looking after my dogs and got a telling off as she said she loved looking after them.

We went out for a late Sunday lunch at a local carvery then packed the few belongings Kate possessed. She looked at me and asked, “Can I leave my dresses here aunty Av?” “Of course” was my answer then I continued, “But why?” She gave a small wry smile answering, “In case HE cut’s em up!” What could I say, it was her father she was worried about, so I suggested that I get her some bit’s and pieces so when she come’s to visit we have some clothes for her.

Next morning – well it was hard! I cannot pretend any other! June came and collected Kate with her small bag of clothes. Kate clung to me and asked, “Can I still visit aunty Av?” I looked at her social worker June who gave a small nod.
“Of course you can sweetheart, just tell your mum where you are going – ok?” She smiled bravely and nodded. Then she got into June’s car and was off home.

I felt like a good cry so I collected my dogs and drove up to the moors for a good long walk and a good cry!

Things settled down. On Thursday at the office with Jan we met Victoria (remember her from part one?) Victoria came with her mum who even though she accepted Victoria’s need to be a girl, she was not at ease with calling Victoria her daughter instead she told us that she wanted what was best for her child.

We told Victoria’s mother to return to her doctor and demand to get referred either to the Portman or to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Team, I also gave them the name of my friend working for ‘Mermaids’.

As they left Victoria really unsettled me when she looked at me directly and asked to see us again because ‘you’ (meaning me) know exactly what I am going through.

Jan and I sat back after Victoria and her mum had left. “Well” Jan said, “two cases in two weeks there must have been something in the water in 1994!” (Both girls were the same age)
My life settled down and time passed at a normal pace. I worked at my ‘proper’ job most of the week and contracts were steady and very lucrative I also did my three half days at the drop in centre.

Of Kate I saw very little but from June (her case officer) I discovered that she did indeed have a genetic abnormality. Kate was diagnosed with Karyotype 47XXY otherwise known as Klinefelter Syndrome. This is quite a common condition at puberty boys do not develop male characteristics also as with Kate they can develop female gender identities.

June also said,” Kate is ok at home, she tells me that she misses you Avril. Her mum is coping well especially now she understands that Kate does indeed have a medical condition. Her dad is behaving himself so things seem to be back to normal.”

After a couple of months I met Victoria again. She came into the office and asked if she could talk in private. Jan was at lunch and it was early June so I suggested a walk or go across the road to McD’s (talk about teaching kids bad habits) so we sat outside eating; we both had chicken salads and diet coke.
Victoria looked me straight in the eyes and stated, “I believe you know exactly what I am going through!”
This did shock me as I am quite feminine looking except for my shoulders that are a touch wider than most women’s and my hands, which are not huge but not slender though long nails do help.
But for the rest no I look like a slightly overweight woman. So I said carefully, “of course I know, this is why I help at the drop in centre.” Her big blue eyes seemed to read me as she steadily gazed at me she sighed, “I’m sure that you used to be like me Avril. I’m sorry if I’m wrong and offended you but............”

Well it was up to me so I decided to be honest with her and started, “Victoria you are quite right I did used to be male.........” “I knew it!” She exclaimed, “Oh I’m so happy I have someone who understands; really, really understands not just says that they do; when they have no idea at all! They have read about it and think they know – but you DO know how I feel”

I took hold of her hand as I realized that this outwardly confident young girl was awash with insecurities – what a façade she was presenting to the world it must take a hell of a lot of strength to maintain it.

“Vicky” I started to say but she interrupted me “It’s either Victoria or Tori! Please I don’t like Vicky.” So that told me!
So I started again, “Tori I do understand a lot of what you are going through, but not how you feel now. Even though at school I knew that inside I was a girl I simply didn’t have the gut’s to do what you are doing – you are one brave girl!”

She looked at me, “Am I?” I nodded then said, “It take’s a lot of courage to ‘buck the status quo; which is what you are doing.”

“But I am a girl, I have Klinefelter’s Syndrome I have female chromosome’s with a male bit! (Karyotype 47XXY)” When she told me that I was gob smacked. Inside 2 months we had 2 girls the same age with the same syndrome that can’t be common – or a coincidence!

We spoke for another hour or so and finally as we left she hugged me telling me, “Thanks for listening and for being there for me.” I smiled gently at her reminding her, “Anytime Tori; you have my mobile number. Call me anytime you feel the need.”
She grinned cheekily at me saying, “Even in the middle of the night?” I simply nodded telling her, “If it’s important to you – even in the middle of the night.”

As we parted she turned and said, “Your secrets safe with me Avril, no one else would ever know just by looking at you; but I simply knew you were special.”

This was from a 13 year old girl who was wise beyond her years. I later found out she had an IQ of 168! While mine was that of a pumpkin.

I walked back to the office thinking ‘special’ me – never I’m normal. Then thinking about it I’m not really normal either! (When judged by other people)

Born This Way

Take Three Girls - Part 8

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

Victoria’s life is progressing really well her parents have come to terms with her condition and are giving their daughter all the help and support she needs. Helen and I have a talk and to keep the peace at home Kate stays with me at the weekends. On Kate’s 14th birthday Carl and I share a kiss

*************************

A couple of days after seeing Victoria I was home doing some work when my doorbell rang. When I opened it Kate was standing there, “Hi ya aunty Av sorry I’ve not been round before. I’ve missed you and things are not bad at home Carl sends his regards – I told you he fancies you! Oh you’ve lost weight and look really great!”

All this had been said in the first twenty seconds as her mind bounced between subjects. She came in and the dogs went crazy seeing their best friend.
She looked great her hair had been tamed and now looked really girley she had on a strappy top micro shorts and the jelly bean sandals I had bought her a medium sized handbag was slung over her shoulders.

“Oh and mum says will you phone her – I nearly forgot.” With that she passed me a piece of paper with a mobile number. I rang it and Helen answered. “Hi Helen, she’s just landed I’m really happy things are going well. How are you keeping?”
Helen sighed and told me that she was happy that Kate was receiving counselling she now understood Kate’s condition and admitted that she always wanted a girl.

I asked how things were between Kate and her dad.
This evoked a huge sigh from Helen as she went on to tell me that he didn’t accept Kate as she was he was always picking on her and Kate being Kate wouldn’t just take his shit; she always fought back and always had the last word but so far he hadn’t resorted to violence.
But she said this was because Pete and Wayne were home and Kate’s dad simply daren’t do anything – but it was getting hard at the weekends that is the reason she wanted me to phone her.

Then she got to the point and asked me if Kate could come to me most weekends to try and keep things peaceful. “Just a minute Helen” I said as I turned to Kate and asked her, “I take it you know what your mum wants?” Kate nodded so I asked, “how do you feel about it?” Her face lit up she answered, I’d love it aunty Av. Can I bring me bag in?” “Eh” I stupidly answered “Err yes I suppose so.”

On the other end of the phone Helen asked, “What’s happening?” so I told her and another sigh followed “I told her to ask before she packed anything but as usual she went her own way!” At this Kate came back inside carrying a weekend case with a mile wide smile on her face.
She announced to me, “I’ve got me school uniform with me. And our Carl said he would pick me up on Monday morning.” I just looked and there was silence on the other end of the phone. Kate added, “That’s so her can see you again aunty Av!” “Kate” I gasped, “Please”

“Helen” I said, “Looks like my mind has been made up!” Helen retorted, “Are you sure you don’t mind?” I assured her that it was fine so we said our goodbyes but before she hung up she asked me, “What was that about Carl?” I flushed red and told her, “Kate’s got it into her head that Carl fancies me!” “Jesus Christ” she spluttered her’s getting taste at last!” I was speechless, “Helen I’m old enough to be his mother!” “Avril” she informed me, “He really does like more mature women – you’d be good for him!” and with that she hung up leaving me staring at the phone is shock.

So things drifted into a routine. Every Friday Carl or Pete would drop her off and then pick her up again on Monday morning. Carl was always polite and really nice but you could sense the underlying person he was in effect a gentle but very dangerous giant.

Victoria often phoned me telling me how things were going; asking me to go shopping with her. She was really happy because her mum and dad had now accepted her as their daughter and were happy to introduce her as such.
Victoria was developing into a stunning girl. She was slender almost willowy her long blond hair framed a gorgeously symmetrical face wide blue eyes pert little nose and full lips. Her cheekbones were classic and her jawline delicate and very feminine.
As the doctors had predicted Victoria never took on any male characteristics at all but there again she didn’t take on and female secondary characteristics either her breasts remained a small ‘A’ cup her figure was straight up and down – but Victoria was blissfully happy.

Victoria turned 14 a couple of weeks before Kate and had a real girly party with all her friends.
Kate’s 14th was approaching and it was arranged that again we go to Frankie and Benny’s.
It was a cold spring evening by now my dress size was down from a 16 to 18 to a 14 to 16 and I was feeling great. Kate and I had spent a couple of weekends getting rid on my ‘big’ clothes and replacing them with my current size, in a more modern style I even had some dresses that were above the knee – very daring for me but I had now been a woman for four years and I was getting really comfortable in my body though a size 12 was my goal I was getting there - slowly.

Kate got ready at my house she decided on a tunic dress with tight leggings and ankle boots. Her dress was in shades of greens to match her eyes and compliment her hair and complexion. I chose an above the knee jersey dress with a cowl neckline and gathered to one side it was a size 14 and it fitted well. I decided on 3” black shoes to contrast the purples in my dress and a wool mix cream ¾ coat and silk scarf.

This time we arrived later than everyone else as Carl and Pete were organising some of Kate’s girlfriends from school to be there.
When we walked through the door everyone started to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ Kate let out a squeal and rushed to her girlfriends – soon they were all talking animatedly hands flapping describing what the were trying to tell each other - to all intents and purposes a fourteen year old girl with other girls of the same age.

Myself simply looking and watching when a voice behind me said, “She’s come a long way in a year Avril.” It was Carl I caught my breath; smiling I agreed with him. “Come and sit down while Kate talks herself out” he said this while taking hold of my arm.
We walked to the bar area and he moved his hand to my waist to guide me to a seat. I glanced at Kate she was watching things intently and had that ‘I told you so’ look on her face.

I sat and talked with Helen, Carl and Pete young Wayne now he was 16 was sat to one side eyeing up a table of girls. While things at home were ok Kate’s dad was in denial taking every opportunity to put Kate down Carl with a wry grin commented, “But her being wot she is she don’t take the twats crap she gives as good as she gets.” Then he took my hand and said, “But you Avril are a star letting Kate stop with you ower’t weekend.” I was a bit embarrassed as I told them it was the least I could do, as I really liked Kate.

But he didn’t let go of my hand and I must admit I didn’t take it back – I think I felt flattered.

I had the feeling I was being watched and sure enough twin green lasers were trained on me Kate was seeing everything and the minx had a smug look on her face.
It was a great night that ended all too soon. Kate was going home while I was going back to my house. It was icy under foot and as I stepped outside I slipped. Carl caught me and I was in his arms looking up at him, then ever so gently he kissed me. It was a fleeting kiss and he pulled back saying, “I’ve wanted to do that for ages Avril.” I was flustered and didn’t reply he walked me to my car with his arm around my waist my mind was in turmoil.

At my car I opened the door turned and looked at him, would he kiss me again? But he simply said, “There ya are safe and sound be careful when you get home and don’t slip cos I won’t be there to catch you.” And with that he turned and walked back to his car.
I was just about to pull away when Kate was at the window I lowered it and with a broad grin she said, “Thanks aunty Av I’ve had a great night I saw you kissin our Carl you’ll be my sister in law see you Friday luv ya!”

As usual with Kate everything had to be said at once it wasn’t until I was driving home did I catch the bit about sister in law wryly I shook my head – that would never happen.

The next day was my half-day at the drop in centre. I was just getting ready to go home when there was a knock at the door, “Come in” I shouted and very much to my surprise Carl entered.
Joking I asked him, “Surely you’re too old to have gender confusion?” He grinned and answered, “Not gender confusion but confusion – look I must apologise for yesterday.” I knew what he meant but played the stupid blonde, “What do you mean Kate had a great day you’ve nothing to say sorry for.” He looked uncomfortable and mumbled, “I do Avril I kissed you and I’m sorry.”

“Look Carl was it wasn’t so bad that you have to apologise because it felt ok to me.”
He looked more uncomfortable so I took pity on him saying; “Look I’ve had a shit of a day how about a drink?” “Now you’re talking” he responded.
“Right I’ll lock up here and we’ll go to the Hungry Horse – ok” I briskly told him.
“Err ok I’ve got me car shall I meet you there?” he asked. “Sounds good” I replied, “Mine’s a white wine spritzer in a tall glass loads of ice.” “Ok see you there” he said as he left the office.
As I tidied up and locked the door I was wondering what the hell I was doing, I was flirting with a guy at least 15 years younger than me then I thought ‘what the hell!

I arrived at the pub – the Hungry Horse is a pub chain that serves pub food. It’s reasonably priced and not bad quality.
Going in I glanced about and saw Carl instantly sitting at a table with a pint and my wine.
Sitting down I thanked him and took a drink of my wine, “Perfect” I pronounced, “Now what’s all this crap about being sorry? You kissed me so what!”
“But I was wrong you’re helping Kate I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that!” He exclaimed.

I sighed wearily and told him, “Carl I feel flattered that you wanted to kiss me but it was only a kiss – now I’m starving feel like eating?”
He shook his head and commented, “Avril you are quite something I’ve never met anyone like you before you certainly know your mind. And food sounds like a good idea I haven’t eaten all day!”
As we looked at the menu’s I thought, ‘you better believe it – I’m a one off!’

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

In this Carl and myself have a heart to heart talk about that kiss and Kate ends up in police custody.
While Victoria is blissfully happy with her hormone treatment organised for when she reaches the age of 16.

I ordered a salad as I was in a dieting phase to continue my weight loss and retrain my stomach to get used to smaller amounts of food. Carl ordered a mixed grill (Large) and we sat talking as we waited for the food.
The talk was somewhat stilted so eventually I had to say something, “Carl” I started, “Please talk to me as you would a friend – at the moment you sound like a ventriloquists dummy and that’s not you!”

Carl looked at me steadily finally he said, “It’s hard Avril when I fancy you something rotten!” There it was out in the open it had been said.
I gently smiled and told him, “Carl I’m very flattered but I’m the same age as your mum.” He came straight back at me saying, “Av age is just a number anyhow you don’t look as old as me mam!”
This annoyed me for some reason and I snapped back at him, “Your mother has every right to look her age. She’s brought you three up and Kate and is in a very stressful relationship – none of this could have been easy for her!”
Suitably chastened he shamefacedly said, “You’re right I shouldn’t have said that about me mam – sorry.”
“Look Carl how old are you 22?” he nodded. “There’s 13 years difference in us, I would love to have you as a friend but no further than that – could you live with that?”
The food arrived and we spent some time eating finally he spoke up, “Avril I’d like you for a friend – but that won’t stop me fancying you. Can you live with that?” I nodded because my mouth was full of food. Swallowing I said, “Yes I can live with that - friends?” I held my hand out for him to shake; which he did then he kissed it.
We carried on eating and chatting away normally not in the stilted way it had been before.

I saw a lot of Victoria well when I say saw what I really mean I shopped a lot with Victoria she loved to window shop sometimes it was with her mother who told me that as soon as Victoria turns 16 she has arranged for her to go straight onto hormones so she can flourish as a girl.
I thought this was an excellent idea and went about suggesting to Helen that she do the same with her doctor – knowing money was tight I offered to pay for anything she couldn’t afford as I wanted the best for Kate which I told her when she questioned me as to my motives.

So the year passed and I continued to have Kate most weekends her 15th birthday came and for a change we took her to the Hungry Horse. Carl and I were still friends but I had the feeling he still wanted something more; and I must admit I did find myself wondering what it would be like to errr well you know!

Then one night something happened to change all this peace and serenity. It was about midnight two months after Kate’s 15th birthday when I was awoken by my phone.
Groggily I answered it, “Hello Avril Grant” it was the police! The vice squad in one of the red light districts had picked up Kate. The police realised that she was under age and the only thing Kate would say was to call her Aunty Avril.

The upshot of this was I ended up at the main police station at one in the morning. The desk sergeant told me that one of the regular girls had seen Kate and had tipped off the vice squad also this girl had kept and eye on Kate to make sure that she was safe.
A female police officer then took me to Kate saying, “When you see her it’ll be a shock!” Wondering what she meant and fearing the worst I followed the officer into a room.
There sat Kate in a skimpy skirt and tight fitting long sleeved leopard skin top and looking like – well there is no nice way to say this she looked exactly like Coco the Clown!
To say her make up was thick is putting it mildly I simply couldn’t help myself I burst into a fit of giggling.
Kate glared at me with those laser green eyes. Wiping tears from my eyes I said to the policewoman, “I see what you meant she has overdone it a bit!” I’ll leave you with her” she told me, “when you are ready to leave just come to the front desk” “Will there be any charges against her?” I asked.

The policewoman shook her head and told me, “Thanks to the street girl no offence was committed we took her in for her own safety. Bye Kate and please listen to your Aunty.” Then she left us alone.
Kate sat there just looking at me looking wary. So I broke the silence, “Kate love what were you thinking about?”

No response she just looked at me with those vivid green eyes so I tried again, “Kate please speak to me I’m not here to judge you I only want to help you – make me understand please.”

“It’s all HIS fault!” this was said with so much venom it shocked me. I asked, “Whose fault?” Knowing what the answer would be. “Me DAD THAT’S WHO!” She snarled, “The bastard said I’d never get and cash to become a girl. Over his dead body he said. I’m not natural he said. I’m hideously ugly HE said. I HATE HIM, HATE HIM!”

I immediately went over to her and tool her into my arms; her slender body was wracked with sobbing, not crying just sobbing she was distraught.
I held her close comforting her until the sobbing died down. Kate looked at me and quietly said, “I’m sorry I’ve let you down Aunty Av – nothing happened honest. I just wanted to get some money for my hormones that’s all.”

“Kate, Kate you have nothing to apologise for” I comforted her, “Do you want to go home? Sam and Dillon will be wondering where I am!” She looked at me with hope in her eyes. “Can we? Don’t the coppers want to lock me up?”
Instead of answering her I stood up put my arm around her slender shoulders and said, “Come on let’s go home.”
We walked slowly to the front desk and completed the paperwork so I could take her home.

Before we left I asked the desk sergeant, “You know the girl who looked after her?” He nodded “Tina yes why” I cleared my throat and continued, “Well I’d like you to thank her for me and Kate – would you do that?”
He looked steadily at me and said, “You can thank her yourself – we’ve just booked her in for soliciting!” “Charley” he shouted to a young constable, “get Tina into room 1 this lady would like to talk to her.”

“If you go into room 1” he continued nodding across the corridor, “She’ll be there in a minute. I’ll look after your niece for you.” And with that Kate was admitted behind the desk while I went into the room.

It was obviously an interview room I perched on the edge of one of the seats and waited. In a moment I heard a woman’s voice, “Wot the fuck are we coming here for I’ve coughed up and I’ve no gear on me. Just let me kip!” The door opened and the young policemen and a girl of about 21 entered.
She looked at me and sneered, “Who the fuck’s this then one of them drug workers?” Then she looked at me and continued, “Look luv don’t piss about wiv me you’re wasting your time.”

In a quiet voice I simply said, “I want to thank you.” She looked at me like I’d just grown another head sneering, “Thank me! Wot the fuck for you stuck up cow.”

“Language Tina or else we’ll slap a section five public order on you.” This came from the desk sergeant who had just entered he continued, “Tina she just wants to thank you for looking after the young lass earlier.” As Tina appraised me I said, “Thanks for looking after Kate. I really do mean it thank you from the bottom of my heart if I can ever do anything for you I’ll do it.”

She looked steadily at me for a while finally saying, “Look luv what you can do for me is make sure that young lass don’t end up in here again. It’s dangerous on the streets a young un like her can soon get hurt – don’t let her end up like me – right!”
Dumbly I nodded then I said, “I’ll do my best I promise.” Tina took a step towards me and said, “Your best aint good enough DO IT WOMAN for the lass’s sake right!”
Again I nodded then Tina softened and said, “I wish I had someone like you who cared a few years ago – things could have been different for me now look at me now! A fucking crack head getting shagged by any twat for my next hit!”
She turned to the Sergeant saying, “Can I go to me cell?” He nodded and opened the door.

Tina turned to me and said in a quiet voice so only I could hear, “Look at her arms but be very careful what you say and do - she’s a fragile lass!”
Before she left I pleaded with her, “Tina if you want out of your life I’ll help you as much as I can. Look here’s my card phone me please.” The sergeant said, “I’ll take that luv.” As he took the card from me
With that she turned and followed the sergeant while I went and collected Kate.

We were stood at the front door when the sergeant came back to the desk he came over and said, “Look luv I know you mean well but once she gets hold of you phone number you’ll be like a cash cow for her until she wants to be clean you’re wasting your time.”
He passed me the card I looked at it and said, “You keep it and if Tina ever wants help phone me – ok.” He gave me a grim smile saying, “Don’t hold your breath luv but yes I’ll do that cos Tina is one of the better girls – your hearts in the right place now go and look after your niece.”

With that he turned to Kate and with a glower on his face said, “And you if I ever see you in here again you’ll be in one of these,” and with that he took Kate to an empty cell put her in slammed and locked the door finally closing the peep hole.
He turned to me with a smile and said, “Fifteen minutes in there often cures them – cuppa luv?”
We had a cup of tea and 15 minutes later a very white and shaken Kate was released from the cell. Quietly she came and stood by me – I think (hoped) she had learned a lesson!

We drove home in silence each lost in our own thoughts, what would I find on her arms? Hopefully a tattoo not needle marks.
“D’you want to sleep with me for what’s left of the night?” I asked. Kate simply nodded then said, “No it’s ok – I’ll be fine.”
“You went a bit crazy with the make-up I’ve always told you less is more Kate.” She smiled ruefully and answered, “I thought it’d make me look older.” This made me smile and I joked, “Well with the amount you’ve got on I’m not sure I’ve enough make-up remover.”

We got home about 3am went in and were greeted by the dogs; Kate sat on the floor playing with them. “Cocoa?” I asked, “Please aunt Av” she responded. I made the cocoa picked up a bottle of makeup remover a bottle of cleanser and a bag of facial scrubs and cotton pads then sat with her – this was going to be difficult I would have to tread very carefully here as I had a feeling I could be way out of my depth.

Troubled Waters

Take Three Girls

Take Three Girls Part 10

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

This part deals exclusively with the 18 hours or so after Kate is released from police custody – it was at the time a harrowing experience and for me very hard to write.

I settled down on the floor saying to Kate, “Pass the waste bin and lay across my knee so I can get rid of that gunk on your face.”
She did what I asked and I stroked her hair, “Kate! What the hell have you done to your hair?” It felt like straw! “I put some hairspray on t’stop it going all ower’t place.” Was the reply I sighed and shook my head as I said, “Some? More like a full can.” “Mebbe” was the response from her.

I started removing the makeup from her. Kate I asked somewhat tentatively, “If someone had’ve stopped to pick you up what would you have done – you don’t really have the right equipment?”
“Dunno” came the short reply. “How much would you have charged?” “Dunno a fiver Mebbe.” Was the answer to this question.

I heaved a big sigh telling her, “You didn’t think this through – did you.’ She was quiet while I carried on cleaning her face. Finally I removed all traces of the make up and her pretty face was revealed. “There” I said cheerfully “my pretty Kate is back!”
Kate smiled uncertainly and asked in a quivering voice, “Am I honestly pretty. HE says I’m PIG UGLY!”
I sighed again reassuring her, “Katie love you are truly pretty your dad’s being a total asshole; he’s saying that to make you feel bad about yourself.”
She thought about this for a while whilst I got the packet of moist facial scrubs open.
“Honest?” Katie suddenly said looking up at me.
I made a quick decision and said, “Katie I promise you that I’ll never lie to you” she was about to speak but I carried on, “As long as you never pull a stunt like this again – promise!”

Her vivid green eyes studied me solemnly she gave a shudder then replied, “But I might need money to get to be a girl and HE’s said it would be over his dead body.”
I muttered, “That can be arranged!” “Aunty Avril you don’t mean that!” She rebuked me. I smiled ruefully and told her “Just thinking out loud sweetheart.”

“Now what about you promising me?” She regarded me again then nodded “Ok Aunt Av I promise I’ll never do anything like that again ------- but.” “No but’s young lady” I said, “it’s a yes or no so what’s it going to be?”
In a quiet voice she said, “Ok aunt Av I promise,” she gave a shudder and carried on, “I never want to be locked up again!
That was proper scary!” I offered a silent thanks to the desk sergeant his plan seemed to have worked.

I cleansed her face then applied moisturiser, glancing at the clock it was 5am. I would have to tell someone where she was but who – Carl that’s who! He was the only person I could think of.

I reached for my handbag and phone. “Who ya calling” came the suspicious question. “Your Carl I have to tell someone where you are.” She gave me an old fashioned look as I rang Carl.
A somewhat pissed off sounding Carl answered but when I explained why I was calling he mellowed and promised to tell his mum.
He told me, “When I see our Kate I’ll give her a piece of my mind!” I snapped at him, “You’ll do no such thing – understand me!”
There was silence finally he said, “OK Avril if that’s what you want.” “That’s what I want,” I confirmed.
He sighed then caught me by surprise saying “Come for lunch with me on Saturday?” Without thinking I answered “OK” then hung up.

We sat curled up on the floor surrounded by my dogs “Kate” I said, “Shall we wash your hair then we can get some sleep.”
Kate opened her eyes looking at me I could see that she was deciding something weighing up the pro’s and con’s finally she had made her mind up.

“Aunty Av if I show you something; promise me you won’t be mad.” While I thought about this she moved to snuggle up to me I automatically put my arm around her so she could snuggle into me.

I had a feeling that I was going to see what Tina had told me about so I said, “Kate I’ve been to the police station gone without sleep and cleaned your face and so far I’ve not got mad at you – so if you show me something I promise I won’t get mad at you.”
She looked at me with those vivid green eyes full of doubt - and yes fear. “Kate” I prompted.

She lay still for a moment then pulled up the sleeve of her jumper exposing a lattice of cuts!
She had been self harming! I was devastated absolutely devastated. As my tears started to flow I simply asked, “Why Kate where have we gone wrong that you feel the need to do this!” I was simply crying my tears fell across the scarring.

Kate looked anguished. I took hold of her arm and kissed the fine scars tasting the salt of my tears and dropping more tears onto her arm. All I could say was, “Katie oh Katie I’m so very, very sorry.”

Kate finally spoke, “Don’t cry like this Aunty Av it’s me that to blame I done it you’ve done nothing. Please stop crying I sorry I’m so very sorry.”
I was still holding her arm then I asked, “And the other arm?” Slowly she disentangled herself from me and rolled up her other sleeve.
Her left arm was the same as her right.
My tears simply flowed. I have never cried like that ever before. Kate put her arms around me and hugged me to her comforting me I was distraught I had really let her down.

“Please Aunty Av please stop crying I’m sorry so very sorry I’d never hurt you I love you!” She sobbed. My head buried into her slender shoulder I mumbled, “If you really loved me you wouldn’t do this to yourself.” I pulled away and looked her in the eyes saying, “If you really love someone you don’t do things like this to yourself! – Oh Kate I just don’t know what to do!”

By now we were both sobbing our eye’s out. I pulled myself together and told her, “Let’s get your hair washed and get some sleep – things may seem different after some sleep Ok?”
In a small voice she asked, “Can I sleep with you?” She looked so fragile so lost my heart went out to her.
I gathered her up in my arms kissed the top of her head then remembered the state of her hair, “Oh God that’s horrible!” I exclaimed, “Wot’s horrible?” “Your hair come on lets get it washed.”

I washed her hair and we both changed into our PJ’s. When she was wearing a camisole top the lines of scars on the inside of her forearm were noticeable.
I picked up a bottle of Bio Oil, which I used to try and reduce my stretch marks I get through dieting. “Can I put some of this on your arms it’ll help stop the scarring” I asked. “If you want to.” Came the answer.
Very gently I rubbed the bio oil into her arms as I did so the tears started falling again.

I sniffed and finished applying the oil saying, “Oh Kate let’s get some sleep.” I could see she was drained and I was at very low ebb.
She snuggled into me I automatically hugged her close. In a very sleepy voice Kate mumbled, Thanks aunt Av I really do love you.” Then her voice drifted off as exhaustion took over.

I lay there for a while wondering what I should do whom should I tell I was well out of my depth here and I decided to phone Kate’s social worker June for advice tomorrow!
Then I realised it was tomorrow so I’d phone after we’d got some sleep then I drifted off into a deep troubled sleep.

I woke up and the first thing that I saw was her stunning green eye’s solemnly staring at me.
“Aunt Av” she started, “I’ve been thinking” I simply looked at her waiting. “Well” she carried on, “I’ve been stupid – haven’t I?” “Yes darling you have” was really all I could say. “I Love you and I’ve hurt you I promise I won’t do it ever again!”

I’m afraid I wasn’t going to let her off that easily so I responded, “Do what again? Prostitution or cutting yourself?” “Both” she mumbled. “Speak up Kate I can’t hear you!”
I felt her back straighten she looked me in the eye and said in a clear voice, “Both aunt Av I promise I will never cut myself again or do something stupid like last night!” “Oh Katie” was all I could say.
I hugged her to me and said, “I believe you love BUT I want to see your arms every weekend just to prove your still being strong – deal?” A big grin crossed her face as she responded, “Deal – I’m starving!”

I sighed and muttered, “tell me something new” but a bridge of sorts had been crossed I think but I still needed advice.

It was 5pm when we got out of bed we got dressed and I gave her a spare bottle of my Bio Oil then I phoned her mum to tell her what had gone off.
Helen was devastated she took it really badly. I begged her not to be too hard on Kate she promised that she would have a long talk with her when she arrived home I said about 8pm this would give us time to eat.
Helen told me that would be a good time as she put it, “He’ll be snoring his head off well pissed by then.”

Next I phoned June and filled her in she was concerned, very concerned about the verbal abuse Kate was getting from her dad. And concerned about the self-harm Kate had done. I told her of the deal I had made with her; she grunted and made me promise to tell her if Kate turned up with fresh marks anywhere on her body. (Apparently there are other places on the body where people do harm to themselves – I never realised)

Kate came in and asked who I’d been talking to so I told her. She turned glum saying, “So I’m in deep sh%t then!” I smiled and told her, “Language Kate! But did you really expect anything else?”
Smiling ruefully she answered, “No I suppose not – sorry for swearing.”

I drove her home, stopping for some fish and chips for her. Me I was on a low carb high protein part of my diet to build up the muscle to burn off (it’s a very strict complex diet that needs an iron will and determination but it works!)

We arrived at her house and her mum came out to collect her. As she had predicted her husband was asleep to get rid of the beer he’d drunk and for an early start in the morning. (He was a HGV driver)

Helen was really upset about the whole episode and kept on blaming herself. Kate when she saw the distress she had caused her mum was very contrite and swore to the two of us she would never ever; ever do anything like this again. (Her words not mine)

As I drove home I reflected that since Kate had come into my life I was doing a lot of sighing; a lot of crying and used the words ‘Oh Kate’ quite a lot!

Kates Choice

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

Kate’s traumatic path to woman hood continues and reaches what proves to be a dramatic finale. My own relationship with Carl subtly changes and Victoria - well her progress is much smoother than Kate’s.

The weekend came and Friday night Kate arrived at my house. She proudly showed me her arms saying, “Look Aunt Av I’ve done as I promised ya!” I smiled at her and reminded her that it had only been 2 days since I had taken her home.

“Let me have a look at your legs love.” “Why” she asked mystified. “Because people who self harm like you did also cut their legs!” I could see that she was amazed at this. “Ok Aunt Av” she said dropping her trousers there and then – no marks at all.

‘I’ve been using that stuff you gave me and I hope it’s going to work” she informed me. “Thanks for looking after me the other night.” She said then carried on, “I was really stupid wasn’t I?” Nodding my head I said “Yes you were but let’s forget all about that we’ve got the weekend to look forward to.”

“Our Carl says he’ll pick you up about ten!” She told me. Shit I had forgotten all about having dinner with Carl on Saturday but I better toughen up so I said, “Picking us both up Kate not just me.” “But” she started I butted in, “No but’s YOU are coming with us!”
She chuntered a bit but I could see that she was pleased to be going with us. “Oh” she said, “Our Carl said if you want you can bring the dogs and then you can go for a good walk before lunch”
This sounded like a good idea. Grinning I commented, “I hope it’s not raining!”
Friday passed quietly then it was Saturday – the day of my ‘date’ (Kate’s word not mine with her brother.

A word about myself here. The date had now got to 2009 Kate was now 15 while I was 35. I had transitioned when I was 29 so now I was happily living my life and loving every minute of it.
I am 5’ 10” when I transitioned (and still am now!) I weighed in at 210lbs and was a dress size 20/22 (UK)
In the period before and after transition I had work done on my nose and chin Adams apple and cheekbones to make me look as feminine as possible.
My hair is blonde and shoulder length though at times I do have extensions put in. By 2009 my weight was down to 150lbs and my dress size was down to a 14/16 (UK). My target weight was 135lbs and a dress size 12 (UK) which I finally achieved in 2012!
To all intents and purposes I looked what I was a slightly taller than average; slightly overweight woman. (And yes sexually active with the right partner I refused to deny myself – and still do)

My birth certificate and all my paperwork reflected this – a very few people knew my past life although I refuse to hide it away after all it was part of my life.
So Carl at 22 fancied me! A woman 13 years older than him and in truth I was very flattered as he is a good-looking guy. But with being so closely involved with Kate I refused to go out with him.

Anyhow back to Saturday morning as we got ready I was undecided what to wear the weather was nice a typical late spring day. So I decided on a pair of stretch jeans a camisole top with a simple blouse to cover. My Shoes I decided on a pair of black wedges deciding to carry my walking shoes.

I asked Kate, “Does my bum look big in these jeans!” Then I realised what I had just said and thought ‘Oh god I’m taking this seriously – behave Avril’.
Kate put her arms around me telling me, “You look fine Aunty Av – our Carl won’t be able to keep his hands off you!” “Kate” I gasped about to tell her off when the doorbell rang.
Kate shot down stairs as I took one last look at myself I looked ok minimal make up on and dressed for a day in the country.
Kate was clinging onto Carl who was dressed casually for a day in the country, also I noticed his hair had grown (which hid the tattoos on his head) and really suited him.

How do I feel about tattoos? I have nothing against them per se but I don’t like to see them on the head this is just a personal thing! – and yes I have what is called a ‘tramp stamp’ in a strategic place.

“Hi Carl” I greeted him “Are you sure about the dogs they’ll make a mess of your car.” He looked me up and down I felt a shudder going through me as I wondered again what he would be like-------- “Looking good Avril” he commented and I felt myself blushing.
He carried on, “The dog’s’ll be ok I’ve brought my car – there’s loads of room in the back.” I picked up my coat; dogs leads and walking shoes telling Kate, “You had better get your stuff Kate and bring the dogs with you!” All the time looking at Carl daring his to argue – Kate was going with us no arguments!
Getting the dogs on the leads was difficult as they get hyper where a walk is concerned as they are both working dogs and since I split up with a previous boy friend I didn’t get to work them only train them.
Making sure I had my dog whistle with me we went outside and Carl opened the tailgate of an elderly Range Rover Vogue as with the BMW it was in excellent condition and clearly well looked after.

“I thought you had a BMW?” I asked. “Nah that’s Pete’s pimpmobile. This is mine!”
I grinned at that we left the city and soon we were up on the moors.
After parking up we all got our walking shoes on then set off onto the moors the dogs loved it Kate was running off with them fully at ease with herself it was great to see her so happy.
Somewhere along the line I had linked arms with Carl and felt very comfortable.
Suddenly he said, “Do your dogs work?” Proudly I told him, “They sure do, but not very often unfortunately.”
Showing off I pulled out my whistle and gave one long peep, both dogs stopped dead. Then I followed up with one short peep and they both turned sat and looked at me – waiting for my command so I left them for a while then after 5 minutes two long peeps and they were haring towards me to sit to heel (much to Kate’s disgust as she was playing with them)

I let them go and they carried on playing while we carried on walking and talking – my arm still linked with his a fact not missed by Kate.
After an hour and a half we turned and made our way back to the car where I roughly dried the dogs with a towel then changed our shoes and went to a lovely little pub for a really nice lunch.

We arrived home about five in the afternoon; Carl wouldn’t come in so I sat in the car while Kate took the dogs inside for me. “Thank you for a wonderful day” I started. He cut me off saying, “Avril it’s me who should be thanking you. You make my little sister so happy I wish mum would dump that tosser she’s married to.”
“You honestly think of her as your sister don’t you?” I asked. He nodded saying, “I do that and I love her to bits.” I leant forward to pick up my handbag and Carl kissed me – and I mean really kissed me. At first I was shocked then I felt myself responding.

As we parted I was flustered my heart was pounding and I had feelings I shouldn’t be feeling! As I opened the door to get out he looked me straight in the eyes saying, “I’m not giving up Avril – I have a feeling you enjoyed that kiss as much as I did.”

Gathering what was left of my composure I got out of the car and answered him as I closed the door, “Maybe” as I walked down my short drive I could feel his eyes following me. At the door I turned and waved goodbye he smiled at me started the car and drove off.

Kate greeted me with that ‘I saw you’ look in her eyes but thankfully didn’t say anything. We fed the dogs and settled down for a quiet weekend my mind was working overtime and I kept thinking ‘What if!’

Things settled down again Kate continued to stay with me at the weekends and continued to keep her promise not to self-harm – or become a prostitute for that matter. The Bio Oil was doing its job and her scars were fading.
Saturdays were spent walking the moors, usually with Carl always with Kate and the dogs. Carl belonged to a small shooting syndicate and invited me to pick up the game for them with my dogs. I accepted on the proviso that Kate goes with me! He looked long and hard at me smiled and said, “Sure we can use some help in the beating line.”

It was like a game he was pursuing me and I was denying my feelings and avoiding being alone with him.

Mid August and I had to go to London Tuesday until Friday to sort some work out with a company I do a lot of engineering calculations for. The meeting was Wednesday all day and I was travelling up Tuesday afternoon. It was my afternoon at the drop in centre but Jan was covering for me.

I reached the station and stood waiting for my train – as usual I was early. My mobile rang I knew the ring it was Kate. When I answered I was nearly deafened by Kate screaming, “STOP IT STOP IT DAD LEAVE MAM ALONE!” then I heard a mans voice in the background and my blood ran cold, “SHUT YOUR FU*%$@G GOB YOU POOF YOU’RE NEXT!”
Then I heard a third voice which I recognised it was Jan and she was trying to reason with Kate’s dad, “Please stop you’ll only make things worse” By now I was heading for the taxi rank phone pressed to my ear. “YOU CAN SHUT THE F*%K UP YOU POSH C*$T’ Next I heard and audible slap and Kate came on the phone she was hysterical, ANUTY AVE PLEASE HURRY HE’S KILLED MUM AND YOUR MATE IS HURT!” Then a heard a slap and it sounded like the phone had been dropped.

The mans voice was next, ‘NOW IT’S YOU TURN YOU LITTLE QUEER!” I heard a slap and a scream followed by another slap. “KATE; KATE ANSWER ME” now I was screaming.
I had reached the taxi rank and barged my way to the front. I would have killed anyone who had trier to stop me.
The phone was still connected and I heard in the background a door burst open followed my some thuds and grunts. By now I was in the taxi I said to the driver, “Don Street and quick as you can – get there in 10 minutes and I’ll give you £50 and I’ll pay all your fines.
The silly man was about to argue when I put the phone into speaker mode just as Kate screamed, “YOU WAYNE STOP IT YOU’LL KILL HIM STOP IT OH PLEASE WAYNE STOP IT – MUM SPEAK TO ME MUM OH GODD PLEASE DON’T LET HER BE DEAD!” The taxi driver mumbled, “Blood Hell what’s going off?” I shook my head saying, “I haven’t a clue but it sounds serious.” By now he was off like a bat out of hell!

“Can you call the police and ambulance?” I asked him he nodded and called his control on his hands free and I gave the address when asked what the incident was I simply said some ones being murdered – because that’s what it sounded like.

We arrived in Don Street in eight minutes and were the first to arrive, I saw Jan’s Car I threw the driver the £50. He said, “You’re not going in there alone.” I smiled my thanks to him as we sprinted to the house as I got to the door an ambulance turned into the street – still no sign of the bloody police!

I charged into the house and a scene of absolute devastation met my eyes! “Bloody Hell!” gasped the cab driver, “What the F*%K has gone off here!”

Make it

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

This episode is the aftermath of the frantic phone call I received and is one of the darkest times of Kate’s young life – so be warned. There is a slight lightening of the story caused by Kate's hair.

The scene that greeted the two of us – well I have never seen anything like it and hope and pray I never will again!

Wayne was stood leaning on the fireplace face bruised with blood coming from his nose he was holding a blood splattered poker.

Kate was sobbing in a corner also bruised with her clothes ripped to shreds.
Jan was sat up her face puffed up and her nose obviously broken.
Helen (Kate’s mum) was laid on the floor partly on her side breathing very noisily dark blood seeping out from the back of her head.
Finally Kate’s dad was curled into a ball at Wayne’s feet groaning, from what I could see he had been badly beaten.

“Kate” I said quietly. She looked up and flew to me clinging onto me sobbing her heart out babbling, “Our Wayne saved us aunty Av! Our Wayne saved us.”

The ambulance drivers came in looked around and immediately called for more help.

I took my jacket off and put it around Kate’s thin shoulders to give her some modesty. The paramedic arrived quite quickly; the ambulance technicians pointed out Kate’s mother as being the main cause for concern.

Then the plods arrived and immediately turned a controlled crisis into total mayhem! Putting Wayne into handcuffs, taking charge and generally being a pain in the butt.
They made the mistake of trying to separate Kate and myself and got told in no uncertain terms by me to F*&k off!
Finally someone from the police arrived who seemed to know what they were doing and sorted out witnesses and as such they started to piece together what had happened.

Helen and Jan were taken to hospital – Helen was in a very serious way. I spoke to the policeman in charge and got his permission to take Kate to Hospital after we had given initial statements.

The Taxi driver could go after telling his part of the story; but when Kate and I emerged to board an ambulance her was still there he said to me, “Best of luck Luv here’s you luggage and handbag!” In my rush to get to Kate I had simply left them in the taxi but the driver before following me had locked his cab.

I smiled wanly and thanked him then I took my handbag and asked him if he could drop my case off at my neighbours for me then I asked him, “How much do I owe you for all that?” He grinned telling me, “Search me luv the metre’s broken it’s on the house – now you look after the young un.”

Kate’s dad who had caused all this mayhem was taken to hospital under police guard – not that he was going anywhere fast as Wayne had broken both his knee caps with the poker and had also gave him sundry other broken bones.
And Wayne well he was also packed off to hospital also under police guard!

What a bloody mess this had turned out to be! And what an absolute shit life Kate was having! I personally felt so helpless and inadequate but I was now more determined than ever to be there for her – whatever!

I hugged her to me in the ambulance then I noticed something shocking I spluttered, “Katie your hairs pink!” She gave me what I could see was her cheeky grin, though with puffed and bruised lips it looked more like a grimace, “Yeh d’you like it?” she lisped.
“No it’s horrible – what possessed you?” “Mum hated it as well” she managed to say before breaking down sobbing, “How’s mum! Aunt Av how’s me mum?”
I hugged her to me telling her, “Look love we’ll get you fixed up in casualty then we’ll find your mum and you can see her – ok?” She nodded miserably.
We arrived in A & E to see Helen being wheeled away connected to all sorts of machines. Kate made to follow but I kept a firm hold on her telling her we’d find her mum.

In casualty we were put into a cubicle luckily next to Jan, while a nurse cleaned Kate up I went to see Jan.
Her face was very swollen and very bruised while I was there her husband Steve arrived along with her son and daughter. I left them alone promising to go and visit her when she was sent to a ward.
I went back to Kate and she was having stitches put into a gash on her temple, she had a couple of stitches in her lip and the nurses had cleaned up most of the blood off her face they had also given her a set of scrubs to wear as Her clothes were in tatters.
I retrieved my jacket it was a bit of a mess. Katie gave me a lop sided grin saying, “Sorry for the blood aunty Av.” I gave a rueful grin saying, “It’ll come out love.”

We sat there quietly waiting for the results of her X rays me cleaning the dirt and remains of the blood from her face and body she looked cute in the slightly oversized scrubs but I could see she was desperately worried about her mum.

There was a commotion in the reception and I recognised the voices. I said to Kate, “Carl and Pete have arrived I better go and get them before they are arrested for a breach of the peace!”
I got the lopsided grin in reply and went and told the two of them who were being a right pain in the ass at reception to shut up and come and see your sister.

They followed me like two tame grizzly bears (I was going to say lambs but that just wasn’t the two of them).
Kate was really comforted to see them and sat between them and after she had stopped sobbing she was ready to tell the story of what had happened.
I stopped her and said, “Katie let me get a policeman to write this down it’ll save you telling it twice – OK?”
I went and found the police and told them what was happening so a really pleasant young WPC came back with me to take down the story.

I’ll précis the tale here. Kate was on her way home with Jan, when they reached the house they could hear raised voices when they went in Kate’s dad was screaming at her mum saying it was all her fault!

From what Katie told us her dad had just lost his job through still being drunk when he turned up for work and was blaming it on Helen.
Jan being Jan tried to calm him down but he was well pissed and Jan got a punch in the face for her troubles.
Helen tried to stop her husband and she also got punched in the face, then Katie tried to stop him and she got a good few punches and slaps.
Jan and Helen had recovered and tried to stop him hitting Kate. Jan got another punch to the head and went down again. Helen got similar but this time when she fell she hit the back of her head on the edge of the fireplace.

Katie dad then turned his attention back to Kate but Wayne had arrived home and burst in on the scene hitting his dad trying to stop him.

Wayne had received a punch to the side of the head, which had knocked him down so Katie’s dad was now free to continue taking his rage out on Kate.
Unfortunately for Wayne’s dad Wayne recovered quickly, grabbed the poker and set about his dad finally knocking him out by hitting him on the side of the head.

This was when the taxi driver and I burst in on the scene. Of course it took a lot longer than this for the police to take what in effect was a statement off Katie.
At the end Katie signed the statement and the police left.
We were still waiting for the doctor and the x-ray results. Carl growled, “I’m going to kill that bastard!”

By now I had had my fill of violence and I snapped at him, “NO YOU WON’T! YOU’LL LOOK AFTER YOUR SISTER!” He looked at me saying, “But-----------“ I cut him off telling him in no uncertain terms, “THERE’S NO F*&$ING BUTS ABOUT IT” then I calmed down a bit and finished, “Look Carl for the time being you two are all Katie has – and Wayne think about the two of them”

He looked at me steadily then slowly shook his head saying, “As usual Avril you’re right. But I’ve told you before nice girls don’t swear.”
I snorted at that saying, “And I’ve told you before I’m a woman not a girl never mind a nice one!”

The doctor arrive then and we were free to leave Kate luckily had no broken bones. We went and found Wayne who was in a cubicle close by.
We found out that Kate’s mum was in surgery getting pressure on her brain released this was caused by a bleed in her skull.

Wayne was still under police guard but had given his statement to the police. He also had nothing broken so was heading for the cells. I phoned my solicitor and filled him in telling him to take care of Wayne and get him bail.

By now it was seven in the evening we waited outside the ICU for Kate’s mum to arrive. I took the chance to visit Jan who was now settled in a ward. I spoke to her she was quite cheerful considering she had a fractured eye socket, a broken nose and a broken jaw along with sundry bruises – and she was full of pain killers!

She was very worried about Kate so I told her she was safe, a bit battered and bruised but safe.
Jan had no recollection of anything after the second time she had been knocked unconscious so I filled her in on what Kate had said.

Telling her I’d be back tomorrow to see her I went back to Kate and her brothers.

June Kate’s social worker was there and she was telling Kate that she would have to go into temporary care – now after what the poor girl had just been through this was the last thing she needed!

I saw red and barged straight in saying, “June Kate is going to live with me till all this is over and her mum’s better!”
June opened her mouth to argue but I steamrollered her telling her, “June there’s no more to be said KATIE STAYS WITH ME – UNDERSTAND!” I was seething! Shaking with rage and indignation (and I think the affects of the adrenaline levels in my body)

June looked at me steadily finally saying, “Ok Avril if you are certain..........” I butted in “June I’ve never been more certain about anything in my life. Katie stays with ME!”
Seeing that there was no point in arguing June left telling me that she would phone later.
Someone came to see us to tell us that Helen would be in theatre for a few hours longer also they said that she was poorly but fighting.

Carl took charge saying, “You Pete get down to cop shop and look out for Wayne. Here’s the key for me flat you two stop with me!” I gave Pete the name of my solicitor who should be at the police station by now.
Carl turned to me and Kate saying, “Kate you go home with Avril and get some sleep you can come back here tomorrow. Mum should be better by then – OK?”

Kate was about to argue when Carl said very quietly, “Kate please go with Avril there’s no sense in all of us being knackered when mum wakes up.” Kate simply nodded and turned to me.

Carl then said, “Our Kate! What the f*&k have you done to your hair?” He’d just noticed!

I phoned my neighbour (who was looking after my dogs) hoping she hadn’t gone to bed, explained what had happened and asked her to put the dogs back into my place as they usually help Katie to settle down.
Then Kate Hugged Carl saying, “Phone aunty Av if anything happens – ok?” He tousled her hair saying, “Your hair looks crap! And yes I’ll phone Avril if there’s any change!”
He then hugged me and whispered, “Thanks for being there Avril, I’ll phone tomorrow morning unless anything serious happens – but I spoke to a doctor and mum’s critical!

“Jesus Christ!” I breathed I was shocked.
Carl looked at Kate and said very quietly to me, “If the worst happens the lass is going to need you something rotten!”

Even though I was shaken I had to put a front on for Kate. I composed myself turned to her and said, “Come on Love let’s get home the dogs are waiting for us.”

We got a cab home and were greeted by the dogs and as I had hoped these two total idiot canines (where Kate was concerned) distracted her a tiny bit from her troubles.
And as for me my mind was in turmoil as to the future for this poor, poor girl.

Everybody Hurts

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

This part of the story deals with the aftermath of the violence and sees Kate finally emerge a stronger and more complete and in some ways complicated person. You will notice that these chapters are being posted more frequently - this is down to me as I have to get this out of my system.

I let her play with my dogs for an hour then suggested, “Bed?” Kate looked at me her expression troubled finally she stated, “Mum’s doing to die ‘int she?” I was troubled; as I had promised never to lie to her but this... So I said, “I honestly don’t know love but I do know she’s seriously hurt.”

Kate looked at me appraisingly. Finally she said, “Can I sleep with you aunty Av?” “Oh Katie” I gasped, “Of course you can I could do with a cuddle after today!”
A trace of the old Katie emerged when she commented, “Our Carl would have cuddled you!”
“Katie” I spluttered, “That’s not what I meant – and you know it young lady”
We went upstairs to bed and in spite of everything Katie fell asleep instantly as for me I lay there for a few hours mulling over the day before falling asleep.

The next morning when I woke up Katie was still cuddled into to be quietly snuffling. She was weeping and by the dampness of my nightdress had been doing so for a while.
I held her close and soothed her. We got up and both had a shower and dressed – luckily she had a supply of clothes at my house but I would have to get Carl or Pete to bring her clothes here. I wasn’t letting her anywhere near that house.

We had breakfast then I phoned London explaining why I wouldn’t be at the meeting.
The engineering manager said, “Is that the one all over the papers?” “What” I gasped, “I haven’t seen any papers this morning.” “Well” he said, “I suggest you do.”
Carrying on her told me, “Look don’t worry Avril take as long as you need. I can’t promise the contract you were coming up to discuss but we have another bigger one that would suit you better coming up in about a months time.”
I was touched by this and thanked him for his understanding promising to keep in touch.
Just then the morning paper dropped through my letterbox! Picking it up I opened it and sure enough it had made the front page.
Scanning the story I saw that it was the usual bollocks the press make up when they don’t know the facts.
A classic case of why let the truth stand in the way of a good story! I felt a surge of anger course through me – now Katie would need me more than ever.

I couldn’t hide this from her for as soon as we arrived at the hospital she would realise that the sh1t had hit the fan!
When I told her that the story was in the newspapers I must say she took it well! She simply shrugged – I guess she was numb.

As I made breakfast the phone rang Katie picked it up and spoke then she bellowed, “Aunty Av there’s a girl called Victoria for you!” Oh pooh I thought, but putting my professional head on I answered. “Hi Avril” Victoria greeted me, “Is it possible that I can see you I need to talk!”
I thought for a second then answered, “Yes no problems I have to take my niece to Hospital then I’ll give you a ring to see where and when you can make it – ok?”

She was silent for a moment then said, “Well I was hoping in private Avril – but”
I didn’t let her finish saying, “Don’t worry love it’ll be just us two. Her brothers will be there. So I’ll give you a call when I find out what’s happening.”

“Who’s that aunty Av?” Katie asked.
Briskly I answered, “Just a girl that needs some advice – that’s all.” Kate looked at me asking, “Is she like me?”
I tousled her pink hair telling her, “Sweetheart there’s no one like you! Pink hair and all!”
In response I got a fleeting cheeky grin as she said, “Yer really don’t like me hair d’ya?” Grinning at her I answered truthfully, “Katie I absolutely hate it! Because pink really clashes with your eyes.” Adding sotto voice, “And my sensibilities.”
With that we headed to the hospital where we met with Carl, Pete and surprise, surprise Wayne.

Kate flew to Wayne saying, “Oh our Wayne, you saved us you stopped the bastard hitting us – you’re great our Wayne!”
Wayne hugged her back telling her, “It was nowt little un I’m sorry I wasn’t there earlier to stop him hurting our mam.”

That brought Kate back with us, “Where’s mum, how is she, where is she, is she...”
Carl said quietly, “Wayne take Kate to her mum” the two of them left I looked at Carl saying, “You look like shit!”
He smiled wryly answering, “I feel like shit love. I’m off home to get some kip Pete’ll take over here.”
Pete nodded and said, “You ok to drive?” Which got a shrug from Carl as it to say I haven’t a clue.

I said to Pete, “I’ll take him home I assume Kate will be here all day talking to her mum. Tell her I’ll be a couple of hours then I’ll be back – ok.”
Pete grinned and quipped, “You’ve broken her down Carl she’s going to be a couple of hours.”
I blushed crimson and Carl let out a lewd chuckle saying, “She’s safe I’m so knackered I’d never manage it!”
“Gee thanks” I shot back, “And here’s me thinking you fancied an old woman! Come on let’s get you home to bed!”
Then I realised what I had just said and my blushes returned big style – Oh god me and my big mouth.
We left: Pete standing there chuckling; Carl with me similarly chuckling and me I was as embarrassed as hell.

I drove Carl to his flat that was in a very fashionable part of the city in a block of very exclusive places that cost upwards of £250,000 for a flat – there was more to Carl than met the eye.

“Thanks Avril” he said as he got out of my car, “Want to come inside for a cup of coffee or something?” He was breaking me down slowly and part of me did want to but instead I answered, “Nice try Carl thanks but no thanks! Anyhow I have to meet someone in town.”
I said this with a broad grin on my face so as not to insult him. He smiled and as he left said, “You can’t blame me for trying.” Still smiling I simply shook my head and drove into the centre of town.

Once I had parked the car I phoned Victoria and as I suspected she was already in town so I arranged to meet at a salad bar, which was a favourite of the two of us. As I walked there I picked up some panties and other bits and pieces for Kate.

I had just got some coffee when Victoria arrived, I could see that she was pleased to see me by the broad smile I was greeted with.
Even though she was a very self confident girl I knew that she was awash with insecurities especially about how others saw her.

And this is why she wanted to talk to me. One of her grandparent’s had insulted her. Now as she was the sort of girl who would never hurt anyone she was upset.
I think this was the first person that had really upset her. This really hurt as she thought the world of her grandfather.

He mother had not been really helpful Victoria thought this was because her mum was close to her father-in-law. So she resorted to me someone outside her family.

We discussed how people relate to transsexuals. Her being young and also being stunningly attractive people generally accept what they saw.
I related how I had been and still was rejected by my grandmother who classed me as an abomination.
The main thing is not to rise to any taunting or insults her grandfather may throw at her. Try and keep out of his way but give him chance to change his mind – but don’t take this to heart.
Of course I had to ask her if she still wanted to continue.

The look I got was answer enough as she said, “Look at me Avril I’d never make a man, also I have female reproductive organs inside me and soon I will be having an operation to make sure that should I start my periods it will not kill me.”
I was amazed with this revelation as she was just over 15 but if her life was in danger the operations can be carried out and she could go onto puberty blockers to help stop the periods – clearly her parents have been helping her a great deal since I last met them. It seems that now they embraced the idea of a daughter whole-heartedly!

As we parted Tori told me, “Thanks Avril I always feel better after talking to you. I think its because you listen and understand.” I gave her a hug then went to get my car reminding her, “You can call me anytime Victoria – you’re no trouble to me.” “Thanks I appreciate you being there. Oh! Do you mind me asking who answered this morning?”
I smiled at her saying; “Oh it was just a niece that is staying with me for a while.”
We hugged again and said farewell and I retrieved my car from the clutches of the cash-generating machine called a car park!

On the drive back to the hospital I reflected not for the first time the differences between these two girls Victoria had a loving home background while Kate – well enough said.
Some may say that Victoria’s problems were minor and petty. But I strongly disagree when you have made a decision as big as what she has made. Any insult or thoughtless remark hurts and if you have someone you can talk things through with it helps a lot – this is where I come in.

Back at the hospital Kate was with her mum. Helen was in the ICU wired up with tubes and drips, the machine was breathing for her as she was in a medically induced coma.
I sat for a while then suggested we go and see how Jan was recovering. As we walked to Jan’s ward Kate told me, “Me mam won’t live aunty Av!” she gave a sniffle and carried on, “That bastard will live but I’m not living with him – never I’ll kill me self first.”

I took hold for both her hands and looked at her telling her, “There’s three things wrong with what you’ve just said!” “Wot” was the terse reply. “
One your mum is serious but alive! Two if you don’t want to you won’t have to live with your dad!
And three I’ll kill you if you kill yourself!” I said the last to try and snap her out of her melancholy.
That cheeky grin was instantly there as she pounced on my miss-use of language,
“You can’t kill me if I’m dead – so there!”
Grinning with her I answered, “I’ll find a way! Now lighten up a little your mum’s still alive and we’re at Jan’s ward and we’re here to cheer Jan up!”

I think Jan was relieved to see Kate was really all right battered and bruised but otherwise fine.
Jan on the other hand had been to theatre and was wearing a see through mask that was holding her broken bones in place.
The mask made it difficult for her to speak (which for Jan must have been murder as she loved a good chat) so I did all the talking assisted by Kate who had lightened up a little.

After an hour Jan was getting tired so promising to come and see her again Kate and I left going back to the ICU to sit by her mum.

Carl arrived about six looking refreshed and told Kate to go home he’s stay the night. He also was moaning about having to get a cab to the hospital as his car had been left (costing a fortune in parking fee’s).

This became the routine, Carl and Wayne stopping at the hospital at night Kate and Pete during the day.

That is until the day Kate’s mum died! That evening is seared into my psyche – I still have dreams about it and it was 5 years ago.

Kate and I had got home and had some tea as usual I was curled up on the sofa with Kate curled up next to me with my dogs flopped all over her – we were watching TV.
My phone rang and by the ring tone I knew it was Carl. My heart plummeted as we had made an arrangement that the only time he would phone me was if anything happened.

With a sense of absolute foreboding I answered and received the message I had been dreading – Kate’s mother had suddenly gone into cardiac arrest and in spite of all the efforts of the ICU team she had died!

Something must have shown in my face because Kate went white she whispered, “No please no not that please.”
As I reached for her I said, “I’m so very, very sorry Darling..........” Her reaction was something I had heard and read about but never thought happened in real life.

A howl came from her throat followed by another anguished wail, wail after wail followed! Very soon the dogs joined in howling in sympathy with her!
I believe it is called Keening! It was basic and primeval making the hairs on the back of my neck and on my arms stand on end shivers were coursing up and down my spine. I hope I never hear anything like that again.

I could just make out Carl on the phone asking what was happening, I briefly explained then hung up slipping onto the floor next to Kate enveloping her in my arms and I hope love.

After what seemed like an age the keening stopped followed by the howling from the dogs and Kate simply clung to me sobbing her heart out!

Bright Eyes

Take Three Girls

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

This is a sad and introspective episode told more or less as it happened; if it had ben written on paper the paper would be sodden with tears. As it was I was worried about my keyboard. It could be a box of tissues chapter.

As I held a sobbing totally bereft Kate I heard the doorbell ring. ‘Sod em!’ I thought I have more important things to attend to so I continued to hold Kate close to me.
I then heard the front door open – who the hell was it? A voice shouted, “HELLO” it was Carl. Thank god for that I whispered to Kate, “Carl’s here luv” she stirred and looked at me “Really?” she asked, “Yes really love.”

Carl entered the room he looked a bit afraid of what he may be walking into. Kate jumped up and flew to him burying her head into his broad chest sobbing uncontrollably. “Kate, Kate” he said as he stroked her hair. In an anguished voice Kate wailed, “MUM’S DIED AND I WASN’T WITH HER Oh Carl!” she whimpered.

Carl continued stroking her hair whilst looking at me! Then he gave a small nod to himself as though he had come to a decision.
He held Kate at arms length and looked directly into her eyes, “Kate” he started, “I was with mum when she died. She woke up and smiled at me.” Kate sniffled looking intently at her brother. Carl continued, “She whispered to me just before she ...... well you know.” As soon as he said this I knew he was lying through his teeth trying to make Kate feel a little bit better.

The tears were streaming down Kate’s face she asked in a hopeful voice, “Wot did Mam say Carl? Wot did she say?”
Carl took a deep breath – I could see that this was hard for him to do. Again Kate asked, “Carl wot did mum say? Tell me!”

He pulled himself together and told her, “Mum’s last words were. Tell Katie I love her and tell her to make me proud of her!”

Then the floodgates opened and this giant of a man finally broke down and wept with his little brother/sister.
(It is the last time I will ever use a masculine term when talking about Kate)

This was a time for me to be the strong one – (Ha that’s a good one!) I was weeping myself touched by the sorrow of these two.
Eventually they calmed down and I made some tea. They sat drinking tea well Carl was drinking tea and Kate was drinking cola. Kate looked at Carl asking, “Mum said that?” Carl nodded Kate thought about this for a while. She straightened her back saying, “Right then if mam wants me to make her proud - I will!” Then she bust into tears again. Once again I hugged her close to me consoling her Carl finished his tea and said, “I’ve got to be off. You be good Kate me and the lads will see you tomorrow.”

I walked to the door with him and said, “You’re lying through your teeth back there!” He smiled at me telling me, “But it’s helped Kate hasn’t it? By now we had reached the front door.
I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him on the lips his hands rested on my hips he wasn’t forcing the issue; I pulled back and told him, “You’re right it will help her you’re a good man Carl a very good man.”

With that he said good night and left saying he’d be back about noon as he had a lot to organise. (Read funeral arrangements)
I went back and settled down next to Kate slipping my arm around her shoulder I asked, “Bed?” She sniffled asking. “Can I..........” Of course you can you’ve had a hard day.”
We let the dogs out and I tidied up while Kate went upstairs to get ready for bed. After settling the dogs down I went and got ready for bed myself. Kate was snuggled up in my bed looking at me with those big green eyes.
“Aunty Av” she asked, “Will you come with me when I go see mam?” Sitting on the edge of the bad I took her hand and told her. “Kate of course I will you know that – look I want you to promise me something.” She looked at me warily saying, “I’m not going to cut myself honest mum wouldn’t like that” my heart ached for her. “No Kate it wasn’t that. What I am asking you is that don’t bottle things up talk to me – please you know I’ll be there for you.”

Her eyes locked with mine as she considered this nodding she said, “Ok aunty Av I promise.”

We got into bed and turned the light out Kate snuggled into me as I lay on my back thinking about the hand life has dealt this girl!
“Aunty Av” a voice in the darkness, “Yes love” there was a pause then, “Is there a God?”
When she askes a question it’s a good one! I thought for a while then in a cop out I answered, “There must be,” “Why” came the immediate retort, “Well because most of the world believes in one god or the other.” She digested this then came another blockbuster of a question. “Who’s right?” Now that was a curved ball I needed to think about this but I knew I wouldn’t get much time. Finally I answered, “Maybe it’s the same god called by different names in different places!” I desperately answered hoping this would satisfy her.

“Hmmmm” was the response to that. Things went quiet and I hoped she had gone to sleep – but no. “Wot am I going to do about me hair?” “Pardon?” was all I could say. So she continued, “I can’t go see me mam with pink hair – she hated it!” There was a bit of a quiver in her voice. Thinking quickly I replied, “Look I’ll phone my hairdresser tomorrow and see if she can do something – ok?” “Thanks Aunty Av” came the response then silence.

I was just drifting off to sleep when, “Our Carl was lying to me wasn’t he? I don’t mind if he was cos I really hope mum did say that!” This brought instant tears to my eyes.
I decided to be as nearly honest as possible without lying?? So I told her, “I don’t know love remember I was with you; only Carl was at the hospital.”

She snuggled into me and I thought that she was definitely going to sleep this time.
“D’you thing mams watching me now?” Oh shit what a question but this time I could answer honestly, “I don’t know love I simply don’t know. I’d like to think so though.”
“I think she is” came the response. I squeezed her and told her, “That’s the main thing love; that’s the main thing.”

I decided to try and lighten things a little saying, “Well if she is watching she’ll be thinking ‘There’s my daughter keeping poor Avril away from he beauty sleep’!”
Kate gave a contented sigh then said, “You’re right aunty Av she’d be telling me off – but am I?” Another curved ball! “Are you what?” I asked slightly mystified.
“Her daughter – you know?”
“Kate” I said, “Only you can answer that only you know how you feel. But once your mum understood she was so very, very happy with her new daughter and YOU know that’s true.”
“Hmmm” she responded “You’re right aunty Av she used to stick up for me against him. And teach me make up and buy me nice clothes and things – I love my mum!”

The bloody tears were there again I had to blink them back and managed to say,
“I know you did sweetheart; I know you did.”

She disentangled herself from me kissed me on the cheek and said, “And I love you Aunty Av nite, nite!)
Very quietly I said, “Night sweetheart.” As she snuggled into me I let my tears flow silently so as not to wake her finally I drifted of to sleep.

The next morning when I woke up Katie was not in bed being me I panicked thinking the worst.
I went very quietly down stairs and heard her talking to the dogs she was telling them her fears and doubts - which are not for me to write about.
I listened for a while then clumped down the rest of the stairs making my presence known.
“Aunty Av” she greeted me with a smile, “Hope you don’t mind I’ve been talking to the dogs.” I tousled the pink mop of hair telling her, “Dogs and cats are good to talk to they give unconditional love and understanding and also keep secrets.”
She considered this and slowly replied, “Yes, yes they do. I’m hungry can we have some brekkies?”
At least she had her appetite, which could only be a good thing!

As we ate she continued to talk to me telling me, “I’ve been thinking.” I commented, “This could be dangerous” “Aunty Av” she exclaimed, “No seriously I’ve been thinking about me.” My only response was a feeble, “Oh.”

Seriously she carried on, “Aunty Av please don’t tell our Carl that I know about him telling fibs about mum.” I nodded wondering what was coming next apart from the tears that were forming in her eyes.

She carried on “I know he told them to make me feel better and I know mum loved me as much as I loved her.” The tears were running down her face but she was in control – at the moment.
Soldiering on she said, “You were right last night when you told me mum was really happy with me as her daughter.” I waited again wondering what was coming next.
“So this morning me and the dogs decided” (I had to smile at this) “That I would make mum proud so she can watch me from heaven as say’ that’s my daughter isn’t she wonderful!’”

That was it! I totally lost it here she was standing there so proud and brave I simply couldn’t hold myself together anymore.
The four of us ended up in a huddle (2 humans plus 2 canines) eventually I dried my eyes saying, “I’ll hold you to that promise you made to your mum, now let’s see if anything can be done about that hair!”

I phoned my hairdresser and explained my dilemma as I thought she was very understanding and told me to bring Kate in and she would see what could be done. I told Kate and this cheered her up a bit so I told her to scoot upstairs and get showered and changed and we’d get going.

I then phone Carl to tell him what we were doing and suggested we meet somewhere once we had finished at the hairdressers. Then I went upstairs showered and changed.
We got to the salon about ten and Ruth had a look at the damage. Kate flatly refused to get her hair cut to let it grow out so the alternative was to colour her hair to slightly darker than her natural hair colour then the pinks would hopefully darken and merge in – that was the plan.

Two and a half hours later Kate was transformed her hair was a rich dark auburn the pinks had nearly disappeared some of them still showed but these appeared as a rich deep purple.
Ruth had given her hair some body and shine also styled it, so her hair now hung in loose waves over her shoulder.
With this colour and styling she looked every inch a really pretty girl. She looked in the mirror swung her hair from side to side exclaiming, “I love it! Aunt Av in ‘nit great!”
When I tried to pay Ruth smiled telling me, “On the house, my new Saturday girl will pay it off.” “Eh” I somewhat stupidly asked. “Well” Ruth told me, “Kate told me she wanted to be a hairdresser and beautician. So I thought it may help her grief if she has something to keep her occupied.”

I gasped, “Ruth you’re a genius how can I thank you? This could be just what she needs!” Ruth smiled saying, “She starts this Saturday and as it’s school holidays she can come in a couple of days a week, Phone me Avril if she has any problems because the next few weeks will be hard for her.”

I promised I would and we left the salon. “You never told me you’ve got yourself a job young lady!”
Quietly she asked, “D’you think mum would mind?” As I looked at her I felt a swell of pride!
This girl will survive everything life throws at her and god knows it’s thrown a lot at her already she was due for some good things to happen to her.

“I love your hair” I quietly told her, “And your mum would be very, very proud of her daughter and I think – no I know wouldn’t mind a bit.”
I left it at that as I started to feel weepy – bloody hormones!

Kate – well she simply gave a small smile and said, “Good I’m glad.”

As we walked to meet her brothers I reflected on Kate. She was very much affected by the sudden death of her mother but she seemed to be also operating on a different level considering her future – damn that’s the engineer in me escaping!

Circle of Life

Take Three Girls

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

Kate the pink hair has gone, she officially moves in with me and we attend her mother’s funeral.

On the way to meet her brothers we did some window-shopping I promised that once things had been sorted out we would take a trip to one of the big out of town malls.

All her brothers were in the coffee shop and the first thing they noticed was Kate’s new hairstyle. Carl commented, “That’s better than that bloody pink – what on earth possessed you to do that?” Sensibly Kate never answered simply smiled and asked, “When can I see mam?”
Carl took a deep breath then answered, “Tomorrow kiddo d’ya want me with you? She considered this and told him, “No Aunty Av’ll be with me.” Great I thought I don’t do dead people very well but I suppose I had better do this for her.

“Clothes” I said, “We need Kate’s clothes!” “Kate looked terrified saying, “I’m not going in there – you can’t make me I’ll leave me clothes I’m not going in that house!”
“Calm down Katie, I’ll get them for you.” Carl and Pete promised her. A look of distain crossed her face, “I’m not having you lumps pawing through me clothes!”
The two of them sighed Pete said, “Kate its either you or us getting your clothes and seeing as you won’t go that only leaves us!” he paused then finished off, “Unless?” Looking pointedly in my direction.

I sighed saying, “Let’s go and pack her clothes.” Oh Aunty Av thanks” Kate said obviously relieved. Carl got up saying, “I’ll drive you Avril. How about you three walking down to the Rhubarb Triangle and we’ll have something to eat when Av and me have done. (This was a pub, which does good pub food and was about a mile from where we were).
As we were going Kate shouted, “Our Carl don’t forget Mr & Mrs Pook and Floppy oh and Pink Tail!” I looked questioningly at him he gave a grin and simply said, “You’ll see.”

As we drove to the house Carl told me that Kate’s dad was being charged with Manslaughter, actual bodily harm (ABH) for Jan. GBH plus Child Abuse for Kate.
(Who as a matter of interest was really indignant at being classed as a child!)

Wayne was being charged with common assault but was expected to receive a light sentence or get discharged due to the circumstances in the case the prosecutor was reviewing his case.
It was strange arriving at the house, I was reluctant to go in but I had man mountain Carl with me and anyhow there was nothing to be afraid of.

We went to Kate’s bedroom and I packed her clothes, Mr and Mrs Pook’s turned out to be two teddy bears. Floppy was a huge stuffed white rabbit and Pink Tail was a smaller white rabbit with a pink tail (obviously) that had been very well loved.
As Carl handled Pink Tail he mumbled, “Kate loves this stupid rabbit every time thing got rough for her she’d love this.” He gave a sniffle and was close to breaking down.

Without thinking I went and took him in my arms to comfort him; I had my arms around his shoulders while he sorted himself out. I felt his arms slip around my waist and he pulled me towards him then he kissed me. It did take me a bit by surprise but I found myself responding.
Suddenly he pulled back exclaiming, “Avril I’m so sorry I never meant to do that!”
I had just started to enjoy the kiss so I wound my arms around his neck telling him, “For God’s sake stop apologising every time you kiss me!” “But” he started to say but my lips stopped him. This time I started off kissing him but he finished up kissing me.

We parted and he looked at me asking, “Does this mean..........” I put a finger on his lips “Shush” I told him, “It means that I needed a kiss and cuddle – that’s what it mean’s.”
I think he was confused as I let him go and picked up the case containing Kate’s clothes. We drove back to where we were meeting the others in silence. As we parked the car I said, “Carl just let us leave it at that and see where things take us – ok?” He smiled and answered, “Ok Avril.”

After dinner he drove us back to my car and we transferred all of Kate’s belongings then we drove home.

Kate took her stuff to her room and filled the wardrobe then sat on her bed cuddling Pink Tail. “I’ll be down stairs working when you feel like coming down I had the feeling that she wanted some time to herself.

Carl had given me the name of the funeral parlour so the next morning after breakfast we made ready for the viewing.
I made sure that Kate was suitably dressed and I slipped on a dark dress and together we set off.
I will not dwell on this Kate was very brave and sniffled a little but mainly she simply stood there talking to her mother promising to make her proud.

I felt like I was intruding but Kate held onto my hand very firmly.
Finally after about half an hour Kate had said as much as she wanted to. She looked at me saying, “Mum looks at peace Aunty Av I’ve told her everything I wanted to - can we go?”

I nodded not trusting myself to speak as listening to this girl telling her dead mother how much she loved her; how much she was going to miss her and how she will make Heather proud was absolutely heart breaking.

As we walked back to the car I managed to get myself back together. On the drive home I asked, “Shall we get changed and take the dog’s up on the moors?” “Yep I’d like that” was the reply – so that is what we did we walked the moors each lost in our own thoughts.

After an three hours or so we got back to the car as we loaded the dogs Kate said very quietly, “Aunty Av’’ ‘Yes Love’ was my reply. There was a pause while she thought then finally said, “Is it wrong to say aunt Av but mam looked happy and at peace!”
God after three hours walking this girl had reduced me to an internal mess in one sentence!

The next day while I did some work around the house Kate took the dogs for a walk by herself. Tomorrow was her first day at the salon I asked her if she still felt like working her answer was “Aunty Av I need to do something if I sit around I start feeling sorry for me self. Wot do I wear tomorrow? Wot will I be doing? Is Ruth nice? Wot’s for tea tomorrow? Wot do I have for dinner tomorrow?”
Now this was a touch of the old Kate a thousand questions in one sentence

I told her to wear something comfortable because she’ll be sweeping the floors; making tea and coffee and generally keeping the place clean and yes Ruth is really nice dinner probably a sandwich and as for tea I hadn’t thought that far ahead!
“Can we have that fish stuff with rice – I like that?” I assumed that she meant Risotto so I said ok.

Her first day at work she really enjoyed Ruth was paying her by the hour and she got paid at the end of the day Ruth was paying her over the odds for a girl of that age she was on the minimum wage for an 18 year old.
When she got home she was absolutely full of life – well as full of life as I had seen her since things happened.

The funeral was set for the following Thursday a simple service would be held at the crematorium.
Kate didn’t have a black dress so we went shopping and I bought her a shift dress with a simple black jacket a small fascinator that the furry feather could be changed so as it had many uses. While we were out I went the whole hog and bought her a pair of stylish heels and shoulder bag – she was going to see her mum off in style.

The morning of the funeral Kate looked beautiful she was very dignified and brave. I drove there with Jan and her husband Jan still had the clear mask on to hold the bones of her face together.
She asked me how Kate was doing so I filled her in on how she was. “Avril” she quietly said, “You know that soon they will want to move Kate into a family!” “Over my dead body” I said smiling but I knew that she spoke the truth as being a single woman while I was ok for temporary care as far as the authorities were concerned I was not suitable for adoption.

“Well” she continued, “Steve and I have been talking and we would love to give Kate a home!” My mouth hung open with surprise this was the perfect solution Jan understood Kate’s ‘problems’ she knew Kate; Kate would have an older sister (Jan’s Daughter Rhona) and she lived about three streets away from me.

“Avril please close your mouth” Jan asked. “Oh Jan you’re an absolute star what a perfect solution Kate will be so thrilled!” I burbled. “Just a minute Avril” Jan cautioned me. “I can only take her once I’m healed are you ok to have her until then?” What a stupid question that was!

The funeral was very well attended it seems that Helen was a popular woman the service went as well as could be expected.
There was a slight kerfuffle when Kate’s dad arrived in a wheel chair flanked by prison officers.
I thought that there may be trouble but the brothers totally ignored him. However I could see Carl flexing his huge fists as though he would have liked to use them.
I also saw Kate put her small hand on her brother’s knee and give a small shake of her head.
There were refreshments at a pub close to where Kate used to live, which we attended then saying our good byes Kate and I drove home with Jan and Steve.

Kate walked up the path to my front door her back ramrod straight. As I closed the door she gave way to her feelings and collapsed sobbing uncontrollably.

In The Arms of an Angel

Take Three Girls

Take Three Girls Part 16

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

This part of the story concerns Kate and how she coped with the death of her mother and the aftermath of the funeral.

I took Kate into my arms and guided her upstairs as being strong all day had really taken it out of her.
I undressed her and got her ready for bed making sure she had Pink Tail with her then I sat with her making soothing noised and stroking her hair talking about nothing in particular.
I broke my cardinal rule and let the dogs onto her bed so they could give her the unconditional love only an animal can.

Eventually she had cried herself out and slowly drifted off to sleep. In the end the dogs and I sat with her all night.
Well apart from getting some water for myself and letting the dogs outside.

The next morning when she woke up she took one look at me and asked in a quiet voice, “You been here all night aunty Av?” I smiled wearily at her answering, “Yes love – but the dogs have kept me company.”
She ruffled Dillon’s fur and said, “Thanks for being there aunty Av I love you.”
“And I love you dear. Now are you feeling better?”
She nodded then told me, “I spoke to mum in a dream.” For some reason I was a bit disturbed. Kate carried on, “She was young and pretty she told me that she’s sorry she’s left me but she’ll be watching over me and taking care of me – am I being daft aunty Av?”

I stroked her head and answered, “Sweetheart stranger thing have happened as long as you believe that’s the main thing.”

Kate thought about this for a few minutes then finally said, “You’re right aunty Av and I do believe I spoke to mum!”

I stood up telling her, “I’m going for a shower and get changed.” Kate nodded saying, “Thanks for being there for me.”
As I walked out of the door I turned and told her, “Kate please stop thanking me or else you’ll set me off crying and the next time I want to cry is when you’re a bride.”

I heard her getting out of bed and shouted from the shower, “I’ve finished Kate – you next young lady.” She came in grumbling a little so I told her, “Girls keep themselves clean – you’re a girl right?”
She nodded so I continued, “Shower now!” “Wot’s for breakfast aunty Av? I’m hungry!”
This was more normal behaviour so I told her that we’d have bacon and eggs and things – just this once for in truth I was starving.

I got dressed in shorts and a loose top them going downstairs I got the grill going. Raiding the freezer; fridge and store cupboard we ended up with bacon, scrambled eggs, hash browns tomatoes and baked beans!

We spent the day simply relaxing. Carl phoned to tell us that they were going to scatter Heathers ashes at the ruins of Top Withens Farm (where Wuthering Heights is reputed to be based on)

The next day Kate went to work despite my misgivings saying, “Mum told me to work hard and get my exams!” That reminded me school was three weeks away.

The following Monday we drove up to the moors and started the walk up to Top Withen.
It’s a beautiful but long walk. They all insisted that I went with them and Kate insisted that the dogs came along as well.

Bronte Country

We got to the ruin of the farm, which luckily was deserted apart from the usual sheep. I say this because the site is a huge tourist draw.

There was a gentle breeze and each of Heather's children took turns in scattering her ashes, it was a truly beautify and evocative moment.
Then they laid the small poesy’s of flowers alongside the ruins of Top Withen Farm.

Wuthering Heights

Carl said, “I remember when me and Pete were little mum used twag school and we’d come up here me managing to walk and Pete in’t push chair– she loved the place.

(I found out that Heather had born her first child Carl when she was 12! Pete followed when she was 14 then Wayne at 16 all had the same father who had stuck by Heather until his untimely death. Kate was born when Heather was 20)

Before we left Carl handed Kate a small album, it contained pictures of Heather from a little girl until she was 19.
One particular photo’s showed a pretty vivacious girl startlingly like Kate.
It seemed that Heather’s final 15 years of life what with the problems she had endured had taken its toll on this once pretty girl.

Kate looked in wonder stammering, “L, l, l, last night mum looked just like this!”
Showing us a picture of a teenage Heather. I understood what she said but I don’t think her brothers did!

I think this was a big watershed for Kate. It closed a chapter of her life and her new life started. We walked back to the cars Kate clutching the album as though her life depended on it.
Before we left I kissed Wayne and Pete on the cheeks and Carl full on the lips! As I broke the kiss I whispered, “Phone ok!” He nodded

Kate and I drove home she commented, “We’ll be able to talk to mum when we’re up on the moors won’t we Aunty Av?” “We sure will sweetheart and she’ll be able to keep an eye on you.”
Kate gave me that cheeky grin and informed me, “She won’t have to I’m going to make her so proud of me!”
When she said those words her eyes flashed as if to dare me to argue and her back was straight as a die.

For the rest of the school holidays things very gradually returned to something like normal.
Her job at the salon really gave Kate focus. Ruth told me that she was a very willing and diligent worker who was fast to learn and asked sensible questions.
Kate had progressed to washing the client’s hair as well as the sweeping up and tea making.

At home June came to see us and broached the subject of me being a single woman I was not suitable (being single) to legally adopt Kate.
As expected this went down like a lead balloon with Kate and to say the least there was an hour of acrimonious debate (and that is putting it nicely!)

Kate was adamant she was staying with me – end of story (according to Kate). June was equally adamant that this simply wasn’t possible – end of story (according to June).

Me? I was simply piggy in the middle. Finally after Kate had flounced out of the room delivering her “I’m going nowhere RIGHT!” Ultimatum.

June sighed saying, “Avril love you know it’s simply not possible.” I nodded fully aware of this.
Remembering my conversation with Jan and Steve I suggested, “Has Jan been to see you?” June looked at me saying, “No why?” So I recounted my conversation in the car.

June looked thoughtful and slowly said, “If Jan was serious this could be a solution.” I considered her answer then suggested, “June; go and talk to Jan. If she was serious this could be acceptable to Kate – but if it’s a goer let me put it to Kate I could manage to keep the peace.”

June snorted telling me, “She certainly knows her mind that one. And she’s not backward at coming forward.”
Kate flounced back into the room looked disdainfully at June saying, “You still here! Can I get a biscuit aunty Av?”

She pi**ed me off with her attitude I snapped at her, “NO YOUNG LADY!” Kate stopped dead as it was very rare that I spoke to anyone like that. I carried on, “YOU CAN APOLOGISE TO JUNE ALL SHE IS TRYING TO DO IS WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU – A – POL – O - GISE -------- NOW!”

Kate considered her options her vivid green eyed clashed with my cold ice blue ones and the blue ones won.
“June” Kate started, “I’m sorry I said that to you, I was upset it was very rude of me.”
June looked steadily at Kate and finally said, “Love I know you like staying with Avril but honestly it’s impossible for it to be a permanent solution. Look let’s leave it there but please think about things.”

So it was left there what you could call a no score draw.

Another milestone was that I enrolled Kate with my doctor and explained to him all about Kate and asked that after her had read the reports from the Tavistock and the local clinicians that he put’s her on hormones as soon as she reached 16!

The smile on Kate’s face said it all she was absolutely ecstatic. The doctor asked us for another appointment to give him time to read Kate’s notes.
We made an appointment for a month’s time and left it at that. Then it was back to school for Kate her job became a Saturday job but Ruth had told her that she needed good examination results so she could go to collage to study hairdressing and beauty.

So life returned to normal I was covering for Jan at the drop in centre as she was still recovering and privately she had hinted that she was considering leaving.
I was upset but it was her decision. June had spoken to Jan and clarified that Jan did want to adopt Kate.

It was with trepidation that I put the idea to Kate. I got the jaw out ready to argue pose - but no argument.
She left me in the kitchen cooking our supper then an hour later as she sat at the table she came out with, “Ok aunty Av I’ll go and live with Jan – I like her she tried to help me on that day – but I’m still seeing you ok.”
I held my hands up in mock surrender saying, “Ok, ok deal after all Jan’s only three streets away. Just think you’ll have an older sister and another brother.”

The cheeky grin appeared as she asked, “Another brother HAH!” Then she thought for a minute, “When you seeing our Carl again.”

Carl and I had been on a few dates (I had succumbed to his persistence) He was good company to be with but I think we both realised that there was no long-term future in our relationship.
Our only point of common interest was that we both wanted what was the best for Kate.
As he was her oldest close relation I always consulted him on anything directly to do with Kate’s health and future.

So in answer to her question I simply said, “I don’t know love – sometime.”
After her acceptance of Jan legally becoming her guardian I phoned June and told her. To say she was relieved is putting it mildly.

The severity of Jan’s facial injury was making it a very slow healing process so Kate and I took to visiting Jan a lot to get her used to Jan’s natural family and of course the reverse.

Kate and Jan’s daughter really hit it off Rhona is nearly 3 years older than Kate but soon they were hanging out together for a lot of the time.
Rhona became a roll model for Kate – which was a really good thing as it was something Kate badly needed a girl friend of about her own age.

It was decided that Kate would move in with Jan after Christmas – which was rapidly approaching.
Every month Kate and I walked up to Top Withens sometimes lingering at the Bronte Bridge to rest and think.
Every month Kate would speak with her mum telling her how her life was going; how well she was doing at school and of course how much she missed her mum.

Rather stupidly we clambered up there just before Christmas the weather was atrocious with near blizzard conditions but Kate insisted that we go.

(Before you think we were being stupid - and in all honesty I should never have let Kate talk me into going.
A word on our clothing and equipment.
We do a lot of walking on the moors in all weathers. So I have made sure that the clothing we have is the best available.
The winter clothing is Arctic tested and will withstand down to -40C. I have a Sat Nav on my iPhone and we always carry a small emergency pack)

Suitably protected against the elements and with two dogs in tow we made the climb up to Top Withens which took us twice as long as normal.
At the top the ruins stood stark and dark against the backdrop of white. We sheltered from the cutting wind using the standing wall. Kate produced a small bunch of flowers, which she scattered to the winds, wishing her mum a Happy Christmas.

Once again I was reduced to tears; but due the amount of clothing I had on my tears were hidden from Kate.
Personally I put it down to the biting wind bringing tears to my eyes and being peppered with horizontal snow.

It was getting worse the wind rising and the snow was near blizzard. I put the dogs on long leads and told Sam, “Seek Car”
Thank god that Labrador’s are intelligent! As it was white out conditions - the scenery has all the same – white!

I will admit that I was worried but after two hours we approached where we had parked the car. How Sam had done it I didn’t know but he brought us right to the car. Snow had drifted up to the top of the wheels on the windward side.

We put the dogs into the car and towelled them down giving them a high protein snack.
Next a bit of digging then Kate and I settled in the car and peeled some layers off as the heater did its work.
In spite of wearing some of the best gear available out lips were blue.
Kate looked at me saying, “That was a bit hairy aunty Av – but mum was looking after us.”

I felt like snorting but didn’t. I simply said, “ Remind me never to listen to you again! Fancy talking me into coming up here. Your mum AND Sam here was looking after us” Then I added. "And fancy me listening to you"

As I turned the car around I gave silent thanks that a year previous I has swapped my beat up beloved Ford for a 4 wheel drive Shogun which made getting off the moors a lot easier – as long as I managed to keep on the road that is! Thank god for the tall road marker poles which marked each side of the narrow road.

Eventually we reached civilisation and stopped at a café for a big mug of tea for me; and a hot chocolate for Kate. THAT had been a bit dangerous we had been stupid to try it – but Hey Ho life’s dangerous!

Footprints in the Sand

Take Three Girls

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

This is the penultimate part of the story and will take us from 2009 to when the girls began their new life in.
The next part (18) really tidies up loose ends and brings the story right up to the present day October 2014.

We spent Christmas Day with Jan and her family. Jan was a lot better physically fully recovered but mentally that would take some time.
However her and the whole family were ready for Kate to move into her new home.
Kate got loads of very appropriate Christmas presents scent, jewellery, clothes everything a girl needs.

Rhona and Kate headed off to hang things up and listen to music Tony and his dad went out for a drink leaving Jan and I to talk.(Plus my dogs and Jan’s cats)
Jan said to me, “You have done a really good job in normalising Kate after the death of her mum.”
Smiling fondly I told Jan, “Love, you’ll find that young Kate is a remarkable person. True I have been there for her but it’s her strength of character and determination that has made the difference.”

We discussed Kate’s work and her excellent grades at school when she takes her GCSE’s next year (2010) she was expected to get good grades. We also talked about Kate’s forthcoming treatment Jan looked at me and told me, “Avril I want you to guide Kate through the next few years!”

That came like a bolt from the blue, as I’d expected Jan would want to take this responsibility.
I was about to argue when Jan held her hand up stopping me declaring, “Look Avril you know what she is facing far better than I do. Sure I’ll be there for her and be involved but I am asking you as my friend and Kate’s friend to please do this for us!”
What could I do? I accepted secretly I was happy to do this to see Kate through into womanhood.

We carried on sipping our wine. Rhona and Kate came back down stairs and joined us.
All four of us sat there sipping our wine and having a really good girley afternoon/evening recounting our trip to the moors where we nearly met our end.

Finally about ten in the evening we walked through the silent streets home.
Kate put her arm around me as we walked and said, “I love you aunty Av you have always understood me and always been there for me – will you be there when ....... well you know.”

I put my arm around her shoulders saying, “I’ll be with you every step of the way sweetheart.” Kate snuggled into me murmuring, “Good, I’m glad”

New Year arrived, Kate and I spent it with her brothers. Carl and I had drifted apart amicably we were still really good friends.
Wayne had been to court and had pleaded guilty with extenuating circumstances. The judge had sentenced him to the minimum possible suspended for 6 months.

When sentencing the judge said something along these lines (I don’t do judge speak) ‘I have to pass a sentence on you but if it was in my power I would discharge you young man as your actions did in all probability save others from more serious injury’.

Kate’s dad was in court in February and could expect a long custodial sentence.
New Years day and five of us (Kate her 3 brothers and me) plus the dogs traipsed up to Top Withens. While there was lying snow it was a bright and clear winter’s day.
Once there Helens family paid respects to her and once again Kate laid a small posy of flowers close by the ruins.

Then we drove back to the city and spent the rest of the day packing Kate’s possessions and moving her to her new home.
Kate and Rhona sorted out Kate’s new bedroom between them Mr & Mrs Pook, Floppy and Pink Tail got pride of place along with sundry other fluffy toys she had amassed.
Finally she was installed and I took my leave. Kate clung to me telling me that she’d come and see me regularly (and the dogs). Jan commented, “You better had young lady or Avril and the dogs will get lonely!” “Oh I will, I will, I will” Kate promised I must admit it was a wrench but it was all for the best.

Mid January I received a phone call from a very excited Victoria who asked if we could meet.
Meeting her in town Tori was literally bouncing with excitement and informed me, “It’s finally happened Avril I’ve had my first injection.

This is when Victoria told me about her medical condition, apparently it was detected shortly after birth and her doctor realised that the streak gonads were very dangerous so her parents had them removed so Tori could grow up without the danger from Cancer hanging over her.
BUT for reasons best known to themselves her parents had never revealed this to anyone and had raised Tori as a boy until that fateful day!

She gave me a huge hug and a kiss! I was really happy for her but I had to set the record straight, “Victoria all I did was give advice – really it’s your mum and dad that deserve praise even though they should have acted differently once they realised that you saw yourself a girl they backed you 100%

I realised that Tori was still speaking “Sorry” I said, “Victoria I was miles away could you repeat that?”
“Oh Avril” she said rolling her eyes, “I said yes I know I’ve been very lucky with mum and dad but you are the one who told them what to do made them see sense! You are the only person I talk to who really understands me.”

I gave her a playful punch on the arm telling her, “Please shut up or you’ll make me big headed – now shall we shop!” “You bet” she said happily.

Things finally settled down hopefully all of Kate’s troubles were behind her. In February Kate’s dad was sentenced to 14 years for manslaughter 5 for ABH and 5 for Child Abuse. The judge called him a pathetic specimen and put a tariff of 12 years before he can apply for parole.
He got such a long sentence’s as the idiot had pleaded Not Guilty!

On Kate’s 16th birthday I took her to the doctors for her first hormone injection, in the weeks leading up to this she had undergone more psychological examination to make sure she was certain about the steps she was taking.

Kate had an injection to start things of then daily pills progestin and estrogen.
Now I’m no doctor so it’s very likely I missed a lot of what they were telling me as doctors tend to class the general human race as being on the same plane of existence as they were – in other words blinding the peasants with big words and acronyms!

Further test had revealed that Kate had a very complex intersex condition also a quite rare one. She had all the internal plumbing of a woman minus the ovaries.
These were what are classed as streak gonads that are extremely prone to turning cancerous. What we thought of, as her penis was in fact an enlarged clitoris. When questioned it turned out that she had always sat to urinate! No one had ever seen her urinate her nor asked her.

In short she had; health wise been very, very, very lucky. However gonads cannot produce estrogen or progesterone. Now she was taking these hormones her operation is vital.
So it was scheduled in luckily it was after the school prom. The reason for this was because she had to undergo a battery of tests to ensure that these streak gonads had not produced any abnormal cell mutations.

She simply couldn’t wait for her operation; which was scheduled for August. In the June she sat her exams and in the July attended the school prom – when I saw her in her prom dress hair carefully styled by Ruth her make-up perfect I cried! I couldn’t help it and I was in good company as Jan sobbed away with me both of us thinking about the first time we had met the ‘little urchin’ and how far she had travelled.

Finally the time came for her operation Jan and myself went to the hospital with her and Jan signed all the consent forms. The surgeon explained to us again all about the operation how they were going to remove the streak gonads reduce the size of her clitoris and ensure that what was actually there matched up with the scans.
The prognosis for Kate was good. I must admit I still didn’t fully understand exactly what he was talking about.

Kate had her pre-med then shortly after a drowsy Kate was wheeled away for the operation.

Five hours later and she was back in bed drips in and lines out. The steady beep of the monitor was the background noise. Jan and I sat by her waiting for her to fully come around. Slowly she shook off the drowsiness and her eyes could stay open and focus.

She looked at Jan and I and asked, “Have they gone? Am I?” I nodded telling her,
I told her “Yes everything went really well.” Jan added, “Now sleep sweetheart you’re going to need your strength.”

After the operation Kate went from strength to strength it was like a great weight had been lifted from her.

As a girl she blossomed her hips widened and her bum became very feminine her breast went from an A cup to a bountiful B cup her waist nipped in and her legs acquired that slight covering of fat to give her gorgeous legs Her Auburn hair was glossy and thick with a slight natural wave.

In truth she had gone from a pretty teenager to a stunning young lady. She was 5’ 7” tall 34 - 24 – 36; wavy auburn hair and a gorgeous creamy complexion her lips became full and she had a cute nose but above all her eyes those piercing green eyes once seen never forgotten.

And as the icing on the cake her exam results were enough to get her a place at college on a hair dressing and beauty course she wanted and Ruth was willing to take her on as an apprentice!

Victoria had also blossomed her hormone regime had produced amazing changes in her. She had always been willowy and slender; now she was super model material 5’ 9” tall with a 34 -22 – 34 perfect figure.
Pert A cup breasts the cutest bubble butt you have ever seen long shapely legs blonde hair cascading to below her shoulder blades where Kate was stunning Victoria was a league ahead she was spectacularly pretty but she was a very clever girl.

Her exam results gave her 12 passes A* she could go to any university in the country but there was the small matter of her operation.
Now everyone was aware that her streak gonads had been removed her operation was not as vital as Kate’s. But from what I gathered Victoria’s condition was very similar to Kate’s!
Victoria’s operation took place on her17th birthday.
After the operation I went to visit her in London and she looked serene, that is the only way to describe the look on her face.
When we were alone she looked at me and burst into tears, “Oh Avril” she sobbed, “It’s all over now I’m who I should have been.” I hugged her and told her sincerely, “You certainly are love and you look stunning I am so proud of you and I’m privileged to have been a small part in your life.”

She looked alarmed exclaiming, “Please don’t leave me now, you’re a friend a real friend. Please say we’ll still see each other!”
I smiled fondly at her telling her, “Tori you’re a young woman now you have your own friends surely you don’t want an old woman like me as a friend.” “Oh but I do Avril you have helped me and supported me you are a true friend – please don’t leave me! And you’re not old!”
As she was getting worked up I promised her that I’d be there for as long as she needed me – which satisfied her.

Always a Woman

Take Three Girls

Take Three Girls. This is about 2 girls and one woman (myself) and their very different route to become the women they knew they should be. It was going to be called Take Two Girls, but an on line friend (she knows who she is) and the girls bullied me into the name change. Some poetic licence has been used to help the flow of the story but not very much.

This final episode is posted very quickly after part 17. This is because I’m going on a romantic weekend (well half a weekend) followed by a flight to Houston with Kate this Sunday so I have to tidy everything up.

This is the final part of the story and brings us up to the present day (October 2014) This ties up a lot of loose ends and explains how 2 girls the same age had the same genetic disorder.

It was now 2012 and both girls were fully functioning in their new lives Kate had enrolled in college and was doing really well she had a real flair for hair styling and beauty. Working full time in Ruth’s salon not only did I see her every other day I also saw her when I went for my hair doing.
Victoria on the other hand had decided she wanted to study medicine and had been accepted at Oxford she started her first year in 2013 in the autumn as she has decided to take a gap year.

Jan sent me an invitation to her daughters wedding, as I read it I looked at her and said, “Janine MacLeod you have kept that quiet” she grinned at me telling me it was hard but guess who’s going to be a bridesmaid?” I squealed, “Not Kate oh god she’s going to be so excited.” Mind you I was excited for her.

The wedding was scheduled for May (2013) so there was plenty of time to sort out what I was wearing. Kate was bouncing with excitement and had dragged me shopping looking for ‘That prefect outfit’ for the night-time dance.

It was during this period that our three worlds collided in a strange way. I was wandering around the Meadow Hall shopping centre in Sheffield looking for a suit for the wedding and an outfit for the night when I heard two girls arguing. Both voices I knew. “AUNTY AV” was shouted across the shop, “WHICH ONE D’YA THINK!” It was Kate of course holding up two dresses.

But with her was Victoria.

As I walked across to them my mind was working overtime. I heard Tori say, “I never knew Avril was your Aunty?” “Well she’s not really but she helped me through some tough times” Kate replied “Why d’you know Av?” Victoria looked at me and quietly answered, “Yes because she helped me too!”

Then the penny dropped! Kate recovered first and looking at Victoria then at me she said in an amazed voice, “You---------mean---------you--------were”
She got no further as Victoria had recovered and replied, “Oh God--------- you too------ I thought!”
They both stopped turned and looked at me saying in near unison, “You never told me!” (Or words to that effect)

I was a bit flustered and embarrassed this was never supposed to happen so I suggested, “Coffee girls and we can talk.”
Leaving the dresses they had been arguing about we left the shop and went to the nearby Starbucks and settled at a quiet table.

It turned out that Victoria had met Kate at the Salon. Victoria’s mum had been using Ruth’s for years so it was natural for Tori to follow.
As the two of them were the same age they soon became friends and very soon were very good friends.
I explained that I couldn’t have spoken about them, as it’s just not done.

However I was amazed that they had become friends – they were absolutely poles apart.

It took a while but soon all of us had recovered from the shock and were talking away like we had know each other for ages – which I had.

Then I was shocked when Tori suddenly commented, “we are three very special girls. We’re all the same!”
Kate said with a grin, “Well Tori us two are.................” then she stopped dead! Looked at me and stammered, “A, a, a, a. are you like us Aunty Av?”
A bit embarrassed I chewed my bottom lip and nodded.

Kate looked at me for a second then said, “Why didn’t you tell me?” there was a trace of accusation in her voice.
“Kate” I started, “At the time it didn’t seem important anyhow would me telling you have made any difference?”
“But you told Tori!” She retorted. “No she didn’t – I knew that Avril was different so I made a lucky guess.” Victoria told her.

Kate mulled this over for a while Victoria looked at me and mouthed “Sorry” I smiled and shrugged at her as if to say, “It’s ok.”
Finally Kate responded, “You’re right aunty Av it wouldn’t have made any difference at all. If anything love you even more YOU really know what I’ve been going through.”

For the next hour we discussed anything and everything; any questions the girls had about their new sex I tried to answer them, the most awkward question for me was who to tell about their past.
Now I could only go by my own experience so I told them honestly, “Girls I personally never tell anyone. Where guys are concerned it’s none of their business they can never guess.”

I have described the girls, now it’s my turn I am 5’ 10” and weigh 135lbs (Finally! because when this story began I was 210lbs) and take a dress size 12(UK).
My figure is 38 -28- 38 with a C cup. I have blonde shoulder length hair.
As I have had my Adam’s apple shaved and vocal chords slightly tensioned I look and sound what I am a vivacious confident 40 year old woman who loves life.

I carried on telling them, “You two are so drop dead gorgeous guys will never know. But if you do choose to tell someone about your past life then be very careful as people can be very hurtful.” They mulled this over so I continued, “Look girls everyone who knows you has always seen you as a girl – think about it.”

We discussed this for a while then it was back to shopping between us we decided which dress would suit Kate the best. Then they helped me choose an outfit for the wedding a dove grey dress and jacket black shoes gloves and handbag.
As it was late night shopping we ‘shopped till we dropped’ I gave the girls a lift back and they ended up at my place.

Since then I see Victoria when she’s home from Uni. She frequently stays over at my place along with Kate; she also phones me at least once a week.
Kate I see every couple of days.

Now we are up to the present day namely Summer (2014) the girls met two guys who play football (soccer) for a local pub team. They play every Saturday then got to the home teams pub where food is provided.

They persuaded me to go with them to watch their guys play.

Now I hate football! I always have even in my past life!
But the thought of eyeing up all this fit young talent was just too much of a temptation to this 40 year old!
The result being that I have been going out on dates with the trainer of the team – he’s more my age and cute!

This is the first Sunday of October and Victoria has just left my house going back to Oxford for her second year as a medical student.

So I had to complete this story. The only thing remaining is an update on the main figures in this story.

Jan Macleod – My best friend and Kate’s adopted mum. She is back with me at the drop in centre after a 2-year break. The two of us have a very active social life along with a group of women we love going to horse racing especially ladies day. And have nights at the theatre, concerts and spa days. She has fully recovered from her injuries.

Rhona (Jan’s Daughter) - Happily married to a hunky fire fighter with a fledgling business as a chocolatier making really yummy chocolate – Oh and she has a 6-month-old baby boy (My God Son)

June (Kate’s social worker) – June is now head of child protection in the local council we still have some dealings with her via the drop in centre

Carl – Kate’s eldest brother finally saw sense about us older women and is engaged to a girl of his age who is really lovely. We are still really good friends.

Pete – The silent brother he left the building sites in Autumn 2010 and joined the Marines. He has completed 2 tours of Afghanistan. He has made the rank of sergeant.
He has married a girl from Arbroath where his unit is stationed.

Wayne – The hero brother. Took over from Pete working with Carl – he lives with Carl and happily dating a really nice girl he knew at school. They plan to move in together in the near future.

Tina – I would love to say that Tina kicked her drug habit and left the streets. Unfortunately this was not the case At the ripe old age of 26 as her looks faded it is suspected that her supplier who was also her pimp gave her some very pure gear she died of an overdose just over a year ago.
We (Kate and myself) went to her funeral and Kate told her story over Tina’s coffin. The only other people there were Tina’s mum and dad. Kate’s story at least made them proud of their daughter. They blamed themselves for what had happened to Tina and must have been tortured at the way things turned out.
Kate wanted to scatter Tina’s ashes with her mothers up at Top Withens, which Tina’s parents allowed.
Kate’s brothers were a bit upset that nothing could be proved against her pimp. Mysteriously he was found beaten but alive – the police have never found the perpetrators! And I suspect didn’t spend too much time looking.

Kate – This girl is truly remarkable; after all life has thrown at her she’s grounded, sensible, hard working, back to being a cheeky little minx and so very lovable.
She finishes college soon and Ruth has given her a full time job. Kate is doing courses in massage and aromatherapy, which is making Ruth think about expanding her business.
My one worry is that she mistrusts men, just a little bit, which is understandable in one way because of her dad. But every other man in her life has been normal and nice! However the guy she has recently met she seems happy and comfortable around him – It's a case of watch this space.

Victoria – What to say about her, she is a second year medical student at a very prestigious Oxford college she is excelling and is so sensible it’s unreal.
She has the façade of a dizzy blonde but underneath there is an IQ of 168 a mind as sharp as a razor and a potential honours graduate to boot!

She has been great for Kate understanding, supportive and a willing ear. She understands that Kate has been through a lot and is helping her to put the past behind her. Easier said than done.
Where boys are concerned she has them around her little finger and is stupendously happy around them.

Avril – Me there is not much to say. My two ‘nieces’ are the bane of my life I simply can’t get rid of them – not that I’d want to.
I have just formed a relationship with the trainer/manager of the football team that Kate and Tori’s boys play for.
I still do my days at the drop in centre and my proper job is going well, later this month I am going to Houston to discuss some work and am taking Kate with me. (Her first time abroad) Tori meanwhile is a bit miffed at me! So I think I’ll take the two of them to New York for some Christmas shopping.

Sam & Dillon Kate’s canine councillors well they are still around and we spend many a happy hour up on the moors Sam is 9 while Dillon is 8 Kate still loves them to bits.

And for the sake of completeness I had better mention Kate’s Dad! Apart from ‘Who Give’s a F*%K!’ He is having one hell of a time inside. As a child abuser and wife killer he is a target and spends all his time isolated from the other prisoners.

And finally the reason we had two seemingly unconnected girls with the same genetic disorder was due an amazing set of coincidences.

I knew that Jan would get bored not working and so it proved. She set about looking into the possible causes of the girl’s condition and came up with the following theory.

In 1994 there was a big fire at a pharmaceuticals plant in the area. Now this place specialised in the production of hormones for the livestock industry.
Helen (Kate’s mum) worked on the production line and Victoria’s mum was a secretary in the same company.
When the place went up some of the workforce were hospitalised with excessive smoke inhalation.
These two women were among those in hospital for a good while. Also they happened to be in the very early stages of pregnancy.
It is thought that the smoke contained massive amounts of male hormones this had affected the two foetuses as they were exactly at the right stage of foetal development.
Left to nature both would have been born girls and lived a normal life (XX) but with the huge amounts of male hormones the two women had ingested through the smoke inhalation there had bee a mutation in the genetic coding from XX to XX(y) hence the problems.

These two foetuses would later become Kate and Victoria!

It is all supposition and circumstantial but what is true is that the company did produce the hormones Kate and Tori’s mum’s both worked there and both ended up in Hospital. And both women were in the very first stages of pregnancy!

A classic case of life being stranger than fiction!

Of course all names have been changed except the dogs! One name was selected in honour of and to thank my graphic designer and severest critic (in a nice way) – the observant ones will soon realise who she is!

You will notice that most of the list are women which happened purely by accident so I make no apologies to finishing with the same song that I finished the first episode with – the words of this song sum up this whole story – please listen to them and you will see what I mean.

Every Woman's Song