What started out as a simple trick to help a friend to get a raise and a promotion, leads the duckling to become a very reluctant swan.

“It’s simple,” declared Lisa. She sat on the edge of the chair, pointing at him with the same hand that held her can of beer. “Bonnie will fall for it, easy.”

A young man with shoulder length reddish brown hair sank further into the couch, “Yah, simple for you, but I’m the one who is going to feel like a fool doing all this.”

“Look,” Lisa continued, overriding his concerns, “Bonnie is a pretty good boss, but I need her to take me seriously when I make suggestions. I mean, she’s old, around 40 or so, and she doesn’t understand current trends for 84 like me and Kimberly. She looks down on us since we’ve only held our licenses for less than a year, a short time compared to her. Don’t get me wrong, Bonnie is good at running a salon. Only she doesn’t really understand what’s good for hair and young people. She’s stuck in 1980 for her hair style choices. She gets all these older ladies all the time so she isn’t that up on what makes a girl look good for those around my age.”

“Yah, but why me?”

Lisa looked at him again, “Because you are incredibly good at acting. Look, you were one of the best actors in school, right?”

“In my old school, yah, but no one really knows me here. They never had a theater department here.” Terry’s beer sloshed in its can as he waved his arms dismissively.

“Another damn good reason. Look Terry, you came in late last fall and no one really knows ya. You even go by a different name than your given name. We’ve been together most of that time and I’ve taken good care of you so far, right?”

“Yah, you have, but don’t bring up my old name. It’s stupid and I hate it,” Terry groaned. It was true, soon after arriving here his parents got into a very ugly divorce leaving him without either of them. It was Lisa who took him in and gave him a place to stay while he finished high school. When he insisted on being called Terry, she’s the only one who wanted to back him up on it.

“You are damn right I’ve taken care of you. Look babe, I love ya and I want the best for you, right? So we do this thing here and I’ll be able to get more money out of Bonnie because she’ll see me as a star in her salon. We can bring Kimberly in on this too and she can run cover for both of us if Bonnie gets too suspicious. We do your hair up real nice and you act like I’ve read your mind with the whole psychic thing I’ll do and then you’ll split. You get into your car, zoom off and stick that head of yours under a hat until I get home and then I’ll give you a proper haircut so that you will look good for your new job. You can’t leave your hair long for that job you know.”

“Yah, I know.” Leaning back, he closed his eyes and tried to find a way out. He owed a lot to Lisa, that was for sure. With the economy the way it was here in this shit hole of a town, he was lucky to be getting a job in the first place, even if it was a typing job. His skill at typing would only improve from his already fast 90 words per minute that he tested on. And during that time he could save up enough money to get into college nearby and if he got his grades up well enough, maybe he’d get into a scholarship at a bigger university and that would lead to a much better life.

Lisa returned from the kitchen and dropped a fresh beer on the table in front of him, he finished off his current can and hit the second one in a long drawl, finally coming up for air.

He looked at her and sighed, “Okay, I’ll do it.” Next thing he knew he was being tackled and kissed, which isn’t a bad way to spend the time.

Kimberly handed the mug of coffee to Lisa and asked, “How late did you stay up last night getting everything together for today?”

“Too late, I tell ya. It took forever to get all the final stuff together, but we’re ready to go. You know me, I got so excited about doing a makeover and all that it took a long time to get to sleep afterwards.” Lisa looked into the mirror and set her coffee down to pull out some concealer. “My eyes look terrible.”

A blond with a full head of curls came in as she finished touching up her makeup. She was fit, trim, and even though she was near forty, she felt like she looked better than most folks her age. “Late night Lisa?”

“Hey Bonnie. Yes, I had a hard time getting to sleep. And even though I know it isn’t a good thing to ask for, I’m hoping that this remains a typical slow Thursday.”

“Well, if you aren’t up to it,” Bonnie stated as she thought. “How about Kimberly taking over the station.”

“No can do Bonnie. I’ve finished up a customer a few moments ago and I need to clean things up. And I’ve another scheduled in about thirty and then I was planning on heading out as scheduled. I’ve got to be at my apartment when the cable guy comes in.”

“Thanks anyway Kimberly, Bonnie,” she nodded to both of them. “I’ll be okay. I will clean up things and then check out that new style books that came in.”

Bonnie nodded, pleased with the answer. “Should be good too. I thumbed through them. Looks like 1984 will be known for larger and bigger hair and that means money for us.”

Lisa nodded as Kimberly said, “That’s exactly what Lisa said the other day. You know how she gets these premonitions. She’s like really good at reading things.”

Bonnie took a look at them both, “Seriously?”

“Absolutely!” Kimberly gushed, “When she gets that look, you know she’s picked up something and it’s always right.”

“I wouldn’t go that far Kimmie,” Lisa cautioned. “I mean, yah, there are times that I get this feeling, you know? But that doesn’t always make it right. But I know if I get the feeling for a customer or I can see how they look with new style or something, I’m going in the right direction. Sometimes though, I have to tone it down a bit to bring them along. It’s like you get the grand vision, but you have to bring the client to it in smaller steps. Make them happy with each step so that they trust what you are doing and are comfortable with where it is all going. If you go with it all the way at once, they might put the brakes on and then you’ll never get them there.”

“That’s true. But you girls don’t understand that sometimes you have to force them there in the first place. Guide them into the decision first, then spring a big reveal upon them. That’s when they realize that whatever worry they might have had during their time in the chair is suddenly melted away.” Bonnie glanced over at each of them, seeing how Kimberly was coming on board with this way of thinking but Lisa wasn’t buying into it. “Think about how you have reacted to someone who tells you something you aren’t quite in agreement with, then when you realize how right they were and how all those doubts fade away quickly. Anyway, let’s tidy up and hope for a bit of business soon. I’m going to my office and make a few calls if you need anything.”

The girls both agreed and started on their stations, but Lisa kept looking up now and then towards Bonnie’s office. If there was someone that needed to be brought down a few pegs, that Bonnie woman was definitely it. A smile blossomed on her face as Terry showed up at the door.

“Hello. Welcome to Bonnie’s. My name is Lisa, how can I help you today?”

“Oh, um. Hi. Um, I need to get my hair trim.” Terry was playing his role well, looking nervous and a little shy.

“We can certainly take care of you. Come on back and let’s look at what we can do.” As Terry sat down at Lisa’s station, he gave Lisa a nervous smile and a quick wink.

“I’m sorry, I forgot to ask what your name is?”

“Oh, um. Jeff. My name is Jeff.” Terry stated.

“Okay Jeff, let’s see what we have here. My, your hair is certainly long and thick. Very nicely taken care of too. You’ve really looked after it well which is always a joy to see.” Lisa stood back a few feet and glanced in the mirrors hoping Bonnie had come out, but she only saw Kimberly at the nail station watching them. She caught Kim’s eyes and snapped her head towards Bonnie’s office, filling the time with a little small talk about the weather while Kim collected Bonnie. When Bonnie’s office door was finally open enough, she started her shtick.

“Jeff, I know you might think that this is too much, but I think we can give you a style that you would really like. I’m not sure though how well you might want admit it, but I feel you aren’t here for a regular cut. Am I right?”

Terry looked up into her eyes in the mirror, “Wha…. What do you mean?”

“Well, I don’t think Jeff really suits you. When I look at you I see someone trapped within that needs help in coming forward, someone whom you want to be. I think I can help you bring that someone out a bit, so that they aren’t so lonely in the world. Is this something you feel too?”

Terry swallowed hard and opened his eyes. He could hear Kimberly explain to Bonnie about how Lisa was having one of her insights. In a small voice he answered, “Um, yes. But I can’t do that.”

“I know it can be scary. You are among friends though. I am certain we can provide you a look that makes you feel better about yourself and still allows you to pretend to be what people expect you to be. With this look, we can give you a private way of being who you want to be when the time is right. What do you say to that?”

Bonnie had come out of her office and was watching from the doorway. He glanced her way and back to Lisa, “I… I’m not sure what you mean.”

Lisa pulled his hair back from his face as if she was putting it into a pony tail. “Look at yourself. You and I know exactly what you’d like to do if you could do it. You’ve step in here like an ugly duckling who could leave like a swan. I believe we can make this happen if you’d like. And if you need some time, we can at least take some of that duckling and give it a little swan attention so that you could be happier with yourself. Would you like that?”

Terry blinked a few times. It was easier to play this role what with Lisa being so convincing on her end of things. He looked into the mirror longingly before answering, “I really would like that. Is it okay? I mean, what would they say?”

Before Lisa could say anything, Bonnie stepped forward, “They would say let’s make a swan. I think it is beautiful to be who you want to be. We all do. We would love to assist you in that, if you’d let us?”

“I guess.”

“Come dear, let’s not hide anymore. You are a stronger girl than most. Aren’t you?” Bonnie came to Terry’s side and held her hand and looked deep into his eyes.

He fought to hold her gaze. If he looked away, she would see he was lying. He needed to sell this. “Yes. I want to be a swan.” He pulled some tears to his eyes and breathed a few short breaths. “I really want to be a swan.”

Bonnie beamed at Kimberly and Lisa, before settling back to Terry. “Then we will make you a swan. I think we can make this a bit more private too. Kim, can you please call and cancel your next appointment? We’ll close the doors for a little privacy. Lisa, you have discovered our diamond. What do you think we should do?”

Lisa felt her heart swell at Bonnie’s recognition. This was her big moment. “I think,” she said as she looked at his hair again pulling it, “I think we can do a beautiful start to making our swan by doing a little crop cut on the sides, longer on the top that can be swept in a very pretty style for those moments where it counts. This will give us the ability to also make it more conservative for the times Jeff needs to tone it down for public appearances. I think I have a picture of it over here if you’d like to see it?”

Terry looked at both of them, knowing that Lisa would want him to follow along with what she had in mind. It was something he could get fixed later tonight if it was too girly. “That sounds really nice. What sort of cut is it? Is it pretty?”

Lisa brought the book over and flipped a few pages to the style she had in mind. “See how the sides and the backs are short and the top is long? It can be styled with some mouse to something more conservative when you need it or you can fluff it out so it looks cute. The wedge cut in the back can be held down or up with the mouse as well. We could do highlights if you want to now or we can do them on your next visit. You would really look cute in that with your features.”

Terry made sure to stare at the picture in the book for a moment as if he was lost in his own world. “Do you think I could be that cute?”

Bonnie cut in, “Absolutely. You want to be a swan, right?” At his nod she continued, “Then I think we should take a look at a few other pictures too so that you feel what the best look is for you.”

Lisa glanced up at Bonnie and wondered what she was thinking. Bonnie suggested, “Let’s pull out the new books and look at them together. A new look would definitely help the new you come out.”

Together the three of them sat on one of the couches and looked through the book. Terry sat between Bonnie and Lisa, and he could feel Lisa be frustrated at times as Bonnie guided them along. He also felt her swell with pride as Bonnie praised her abilities and her ability to see what could be best for her customer. He looked up at Kimberly at one moment and noticed that she was amused by the tug of war going on with him as the rope. She mouthed the words at him, “It will be okay. Go with what they say.”

Both ladies let out soft sounds of appreciation at one of the pictures, so he did too. They were pointing at things in the picture making a few comments before they finally turned the page. He wasn’t really paying attention to it all as he was worried where all this was heading. Each new page flip brought more girlish looks than he was able to wrap his head around. A few looked really nice and quite a few were well outside of what they could do with his hair, thankfully.

Lisa had to get up and excuse herself, “Sorry, I had little bit too much coffee this morning. I’ll be right back.” Bonnie and Terry watched her retreat to the back.

“Jeff, I think I know what would be best for you if you’d trust Lisa and me.”

“I trust you. I really do!”

“Good. I have to ask you a few questions first. What sort of job do you have right now?”

“Oh, I’m a typist. At least,” he corrected himself since Jeff should be unemployed and Terry was the one who was starting a job next week, “I want to work in an office as one.”

“Well, I’m sure we can help find you something if you don’t have anything yet. We can’t let our swan be without a job. I already know this answer I think. Are your legs shaved? I’ve seen some of your ankle and it looks like they are.”

Terry nodded. Lisa had insisted they shave his legs and underarms in case it was needed to convince everyone that Lisa was on the right track. Looks like she was right. Bonnie needed that assurance that what they were considering was the right thing to think.

“That’s wonderful.” Bonnie gave him a smile and a patted his arm. She hadn’t doubted this boy’s interest in being a swan at all, but she didn’t know how far down the swan path he had gone already. If he was still wavering, than it would be prudent to give him something he could go both ways with since he obviously wasn’t committed to this choice. It would not be the first time she had a man or boy in her salon or in her care who was more into dressing up or thinking about dressing up than actually going further than that. With his smooth legs, it was obvious that Jeff wasn’t someone testing the waters. This was someone who was already in deep and wanted to go much, much further. She checked his nails and saw that they were very neat as if he had a manicure at some point in the last week. “Do you do your own nails?” she asked.

“Yes, I do,” he lied. Actually it was Lisa who did his nails, before his typing test and interview. It felt good the way she massaged his hands and he didn’t mind having clean nails. They probably helped him get the job in the first place.

“Then I’ve got the style for you. Do you trust me?”

Terry looked around for Lisa, but she wasn’t back yet. He wasn’t sure if this is what Lisa wanted or not. “I do trust you, but I was worried about what Lisa might think. She should be able to do what you are wanting, but …” he trailed off. He didn’t want to make Lisa sound like he didn’t have confidence in her, but at the same time he needed Bonnie on board with Lisa’s whole plan.

“Lisa is certainly one of my best stylists and I know she’ll agree with what I have in mind. Come on, we’ll all work on your new look. I know you’ll be very happy with the results.”

Reluctantly, Terry got up and was seated at Bonnie’s station and not Lisa’s. Bonnie fingered his hair some and checked it for the things she felt would make her choice the best one. “I felt your eyes light up when you looked at this one style. I think it would be perfect on you and I know Lisa felt the same way. It’s a very wonderful look and it is new too. Do you remember the one?”

“There’ve been so many. Most of the styles though needed more hair than I have.” He was safe making that statement. He should have paid better attention to all of what they were showing him, now if he didn’t know what it was she might doubt how in to this he was. He was expecting Lisa to make the choice. Still, if Lisa thought it was a great style than it must mean that it was something she could correct afterwards back into the more manly style he needed. “But if it is the one you and Lisa both like as well, then let’s do it.” Looking at her, he decided to use her phrase to erase any doubts he might have brought back up. “Make me a swan Bonnie!”

He must have said the right thing as she beamed at him. “Your wish is my command. Let’s bring your dream to life! Wait right here and let me get a few things ready.

Bonnie disappeared into the back and Terry looked around for Kimberly or Lisa, but they weren’t there so they must both in the back as well. Maybe he should duck out the front door right now. He belly was telling him that this wasn’t what he was expecting. It was like he was on an out of control cart and unable to steer. He needed some assurance from Lisa that things were going to be alright.

Bonnie returned a few moments later and saw his worried expression. ‘I shouldn’t have left him alone,’ she thought. ‘He is doubting himself now.’ Out loud she said, “Don’t worry Jeff. Lisa is fine. I sent her off for some lunch for all of us. Come with me and we’ll get you started.”

Reluctantly I was made to lead the way to the back where she had me take off my shirt. “We don’t want to get it messed up while we’re working. Don’t worry, we’ll have you wear a smock to cover up. Let’s see. Kimberly,” she called, “Could you come here and write some things down? Thank you. Okay, let’s start off with some measurements.”

“Measurements?”

“Yes, we need to make sure that what we want to do will work, okay?”

Terry thought that measuring to make sure a hair style was going to work sounded crazy, but he wasn’t an expert on anything in this. Maybe there was some ratio or something they used to decide hair length or something. So he stood there and she measure his arm length, his torso and waist and even his hips and feet. By that time he knew this wasn’t part of the normal part of what should be happening. They were definitely sizing him up for something else, but he couldn’t figure it all out. Maybe a smock? But why measure his feet? In short order she brought out a smock that was a deep pink and he put it on. It was far too baggy to be something they would have had to measure him for. It didn’t make any sense what so ever.

He was led over to the sink and his hair was washed and Bonnie worked on relaxing him by giving him a nice scalp massage. It certainly felt nice. She soon had him back at her station and she brought out the scissors and started to section off his hair from the top and sides, trimming the hair on the sides to eliminate some of the excess. He looked around some more and still wondered where Lisa could be. Bonnie began rolling his hair on the top part of his head and crown in small rods, “You know, something that might make you fill better is if we used your real name.”

His eyes shot open and his body locked up. “Uh, real name? What do you mean?”

“Meaning that you said your name was Jeff, but you must have another name.”

He sighed. The gig was up. “Terry. My name is Terry Crowe.”

“Oh,” Bonnie smiled. “That’s a wonderful girl’s name. Terri. I think that fits you.”

“What? I mean, really?”

“Yes I do. It’s nice, but…”

“Yes?”

“Well, it’s something that could be used as a boy’s name too. Is your heart set on it?”

“I guess? Now that you say that, I’m not sure.” Terry quietly gave thanks. He had a way out. Using his real name wasn’t something that he expected to do, it had slipped out because he thought she knew he was lying about his real name, which he was, but that’s not the point.

“Well, we can think on it further. We can see how things work as we go. In the meantime, I’ll call you Terri.”

Inwardly wincing, he came up with a girlish name, one that his mother had told him they had planned to use for him had he been born a girl in the first place. It was the first one that popped into mind. “The other one I was thinking of is Tammy.” He checked Bonnie’s reaction in the mirror, seeing how she might respond.

“Oh? That’s nice too. A little more old fashion I think. Still a nice name. I think Terri might be your best bet, but let’s talk about that later.”

A while later, she finally had finished rolling up his hair in all these little rods and pieces of paper. Kimberly came over had a quiet conversation with Bonnie before the three of them headed to the back.

Kimberly came out of the back room with a small bag. “Here, put on the shorts in this bag.”

“Why?” He really didn’t want people to see his smoothly shaven legs.

“Because we need you to blend in a bit. Your shoes will work, they are simple K-Swiss like I wear, but your jeans won’t work at all.”

Bonnie spoke up, “With the shorts on under the smock, it will make it look to anyone looking that you are all girl.”

Reluctantly he went into the bathroom and changed, rolling up my jeans and putting them into a paper sack that also had his shirt. Kimberly came in after that and sat him down and changed his socks for a pair in her bag that had these little red pompom balls at the back before putting his shoes back on him.

Then Bonnie led him to the sink and with a towel over his eyes and a cotton wrap thing around his head close to his hairline, she started pouring and squirting this cool liquid in and around the rods. After awhile she brought him out and him sit down under a drier.

“Here, read this while your hair gets ready. I need to make a few phone calls.” She handed him a girl’s fashion magazine and lowered this clear hood device that was hooked to the chair over his head. Hot air began to circulate around his hair, making it impossible for him to hear anything.

Bonnie walked away to the back of the store, giving him a chance to look around. Kimberly was working on the nails of a lady who had come in while his head was in the sink. He thought that they had said they were going to close the shop, but it looked like they hadn’t after all. He wanted to sink into nothingness, but there wasn’t anything for it. He stayed still and pretended to read the magazine.

He looked up and saw Lisa as she brought over a burger to him. She mouthed, “I’m sorry.” That was all she could do what with the woman getting her nails done in the same area.

Lisa continued to loiter about, looking for some way that could pull Terry from Bonnie, but nothing was presenting itself. She couldn’t break it off now, to do so would mean she had to admit that she had set everything up before hand, and that would mean Bonnie would fire her. She couldn’t find another job fast enough if that happened, especially if Bonnie told everyone what happened.

Terry jumped when the bell went off. He had gotten lost in looking in the magazine, trying not to make eye contact with the lady getting her nails done. He blushed thinking he had actually been skimming a few articles and looking at pictures in the ads and such.

Bonnie came around again and check a few rods before leading him back to the sink. She wasn’t sure what to think about what she’d found out from her phone calls, but she had an idea or two. It seemed so implausible though. Yet everything she had ever heard on the talk shows about boys like Jeff seemed that it was possible that he was setting himself up for something latter on. Still, was this a fantasy of his or was it really where he wanted it to go.

Kimberly finished up with her customer as Terry was led back to Bonnie’s chair. She sat him down and began by having him close his eyes and keep them closed until she could show him the finished product.

“If you could leave the shorts with Bonnie when you’re done, I’ll pick them up later. I’ve got to go. Lisa, could you finish cleaning my station? I’m running late.” The girls, including the increasingly girlified Terry, responded to her goodbyes and soon the shop grew quiet with only the snip snip of the scissors as Bonnie worked her way around Terry’s hair.

“Oh, this is coming along very nicely. You’re going to love it. Lisa, could you bring me that tray I set up over there? Thanks dear.”

“Are you sure?” Lisa asked, as she presented it.

“Absolutely. Terri dear, this is going to hurt slightly, but it will be over in a moment. Lisa, could you get the left side here? Thank you.” Terry felt them both messing with his ears when suddenly two pops happened at the same time.

“OW! What did you do to me!” His eyes popped open and his protests died as fast as they came about.

Bonnie worked the back of his ears as he sat there stunned. His hair was now curled, he figured would be the case what with the rods they had put in there, but it had also been trimmed up and shaped in a definite girl’s style. His curly hair fell from his top of his head to expand outwards as rested about mid ear all away around, with some sort of bulge that help shaped the back. The curls definitely added volume. On each of his ears was a stud shinning and sparkling back at him.

“We’ll show you how to take care of your ears later, but first we need to finish up our swan project. What do you think?”

“I… I can’t….” Terry looked at himself as he turned his head slightly to the left and right. “Is that really me?”

Lisa put her hand on his shoulder, “Yes Terry, that’s you. You look very cute. Absolutely beautiful.”

Bonnie beamed at the two of them. “Terri, you are a very beautiful girl. Oh I’m so excited for you!” She seemed to be holding herself in and finally she squealed in delight and did a small victory dance. “This is fantastic! Okay, Lisa, I want you to give her a pedicure and manicure. Use…” Bonnie worked through the colors at the nail station before selecting one out. “Use this color here. I need to run a quick errand. I’ll lock up after myself and you two get cracking. I want to get this all done before three. Lisa, you are a genius! I’m going to have to listen to you more often. In fact, I think you’re going to become one of my top stylists!”

Lisa watched as Bonnie grabbed her purse from her office and dashed out the back door, locking it behind her.

“Oh god. I’m so sorry Terry. I didn’t mean for this to happen at all.”

Terry sat there and look at himself in the mirror. Shaking his head back and forth he started to chuckle, “Oh! My! Hell! How in the world did I let you talk me into this.” He continued to laugh as he shook his head.

“You aren’t mad?”

“Oh, I’m furious! But you have to admit, this is hilarious.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look, she bought this whole hog, right? Look at me.” He gestured to his feet up to his head. “Everything you did to convince her worked out perfectly. She’s completely in your hands now. Did you hear her? She’s thinking the world of you and she’s already said you are her top girl! Your plan worked.”

Lisa slowly realized what Terry said, “You’re right. She did, didn’t she. Oh My GOD! I made it!” Terry got up and jumped around with her, holding each other by their arms as they danced around in the circle.

“So all we have to do now is slip my clothes back on and I’m out the door and home free. Tonight you bring home your scissors and we’ll be done.”

“But your ears?”

“What, the piercing? They heal don’t they? It’s not like they are permanent.”

“Well, the holes will have to heal. And actually, the curls are. Your hair. It’s what we call a permanent.”

Terry stopped and the smile drained off his face. “How permanent?”

“Well, we could relax the curls in a few weeks to where they are more naturally straight, but until we do the curls are going to be there no matter what. And the way Bonnie did the set means it is going to have all this volume.”

“Okay, so. Slight change in plans. I’ll get a shorter hair cut than I had planned.”

“It’s going to have to be awfully short, and even then it might not be short enough.”

“How short are you saying it will have to be?”

“Well, we’ll have to take it down to the scalp. Otherwise the curl is still there. We might be able to trim it down to where it looks more like a male haircut, but even then you’ll have curls unless we go down to the scalp.”

Terry looked back in the mirror, trying to imagine it. “I have no idea how that will look. Still, I trust you. It’s a setback, yes, but not too terrible. Let’s change out of this smock and I’ll get out of here.”

“Terry, you can’t go.”

“Huh? What? Why?” It sort of all blurted out at once in the same utterance.

“Because she expects you here when she gets back.”

“Okay, so make an excuse. I got cold feet or maybe some producer came by and saw her beautiful swan and swept her away to be a princess in some movie.”

“Terry. Stop it! No, you’ve got to stay.”

“Why?”

“Because, if you aren’t here, she’ll get worried, concerned, suspicious. She’s going to be looking for Jeff Crowe or Terri Crowe or whatever else she can think of, and she won’t give up until she finds you again. If you stay here, we can finish out her little project and then you can disappear afterwards. Miss Crowe can then go off and be a princess in a movie somewhere. But before that happens, Miss Crowe has to be here for all this to finish to Bonnie’s satisfaction.”

Terry looked at her for a bit, staring into her resolute eyes and finally swore a stream of words best forgotten and most unladylike. “Fine!” he stamped his foot. “Damn it. Okay, you owe me more than ever for staying here. You’re going to have to really make up for this.”

“I will, I promise. Come on, sit down. I need to get going on your nails before she gets back.”

Terry watched as Lisa went at it. She didn’t want him to talk to her while she worked, not wanting any distractions, so it was when Bonnie came back in and through the back door, Lisa had Terry spread out and drying as fast as she could get the polish to dry.

“Hey Bonnie,” Terry called out. “Look how pretty she made them!” He figured anything he could do to help the charade along would be a good thing.

“Oh my, they certainly do look nice. Short nails Lisa?”

“She says she’s a typist. So longer nails won’t work too well, especially since she isn’t used to them.”

“Oh, I hadn’t thought of that. Good call. Okay, while she’s drying lets work some additional magic.”

“What sort of magic?” Both of them laughed when they realized they had asked the same thing.

Bonnie smiled, glad to see how relaxed and happy Terri seemed to be now that the swan was finally coming into view. “We’re going to keep this makeover going. Time to make that face unforgettable!”

Sitting there, all Terry could do was to do as he was told as each of the ladies worked on some aspect of his face. They laid down some sort of base coat here and there, apply color to his eyes, smoothing out and blending in as they went along, drawing around his eye lids and then the rest in some sort of order that seemed to work its way to the end based upon what needed to be done before the other. His lips seemed smoother than before as they helped him up from the chair. He felt like his face had some added weight, but not terribly bad. “It’s not as thin as I’d like for it to be, but you need a little more than most girls,” Bonnie apologized.

“Now what.” Terry winced a little at Lisa’s excitement over it all. As they went along and she realized he was okay with going along for the ride, she had gotten much more involved and excited about the whole thing. Doing a full makeover was something that beauticians like her really enjoyed. If she could get him to take some pictures of the after photos, she might be able to fake his gender enough in the before photos so that she could use him in her portfolio. It would be a hard sale, but given how far he’d gone so far, it shouldn’t be that difficult to get him to do the next step.

Bonnie gestured towards the back, “Next is something really wonderful. We don’t have time for everything I’d like to do, but we’ll do the best we can. Okay Terri, to the back room with you. You’re going to need a little help to get it perfect, because it needs to be perfect the first time, so we’re going to assist you getting ready.”

“Getting ready?” Lisa asked.

“Yes. Come on. Off with the smock. Let’s not ruin your hair. We need to keep it and your face looking really nice. I know it isn’t the right order in things, but we had to let your nails dry first and we were running out of time. In the future Terri, when you get ready you’ll learn that you do your makeup after you get dressed. Come on, let’s go!”

Terry and Lisa looked at each other as what Bonnie said became clearer to them. Lisa smile and pulled Terry by the hand, eager for this next bit, “Come on. I don’t know what she’s got planned, but it should be a lot of fun.”

Fun is a relative word, depending on the person experiencing it. For Bonnie and Lisa, their joy and fun were similar. Bonnie felt good at helping someone achieve their lifelong dream. Lisa was excited about the whole process, in part because she was really getting into this woman that Terry was becoming and partly because it was like a big dress up game.

Terry though. Fun for them wasn’t fun for him. The first thing he had to do was strip down to nothing. Then they presented the first article of clothing that didn’t fit any sort of definition of fun for him. It was white, it was shiny, it was smooth and felt amazing in his hands. It certainly made him want to break out of the bathroom and run out the back door. He thought about it for a moment too, then decided that it would be far worse to be outside wearing nothing but makeup and polish with girly earrings and hairstyle than to put on this offending set of underwear.

With every inch they slid the panties up his legs, he felt further and further removed from himself as he gave in to the events he had to endure for his friend. She was definitely going to owe him though. It wasn’t the last time he thought that either. With each new piece of fabric, with each new part of his new outfit, that line echoed again and again. He had to put on hose and some sort of tight underwear garment over his new underwear. That seemed to smooth out his front. The bra came next and with some help he got it on and settled on his chest. They pulled his flesh up as much as they could and then added some stuffing underneath to keep it up and in place, giving him two breasts that weren’t huge, but were certainly breasts and breast like in appearance. Around his belly he was fitted with a tighter garment that pulled him inwards, making his posture more straight and his breasts more prominent. Over all this went a full slip that hung down towards his knees. Next Bonnie pulled out of her office the final piece, a navy polka dotted dress. He had to step into it, it wasn’t going to fit over his head. Once the puffy sleeves were settled on his arms and shoulders, Lisa did the honors with the zipper. Terry closed his eyes and felt it slowly pull tighter around him until the zipper finally got to the top. He visibly shuddered as she fastened the final clasp above the zipper.

Bonnie reacted quickly, “Let’s get her over to the chair. I think this might be a little much for her.”

Terry sat there and kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see the final result. A pair of strappy sandals with low heals were buckled on his feet at the ankles. Then some large plastic bracelets went over his hand to his wrist, along with some rings offered up by Lisa for his fingers.

He allowed himself to be brought up to the front area again, and after Bonnie and Lisa made some last minute adjustments, he opened his eyes.

Bonnie quickly admonished him, “Don’t start crying honey. You’ll ruin your makeup. And we’ll start crying too.”

He felt faint as he looked at himself. Reflected back to him was a young girl in a pretty summer type dress that fit the slight curves that she had available. Everything about her radiated beautiful swan. Well, most everything about her. Inside she was really a terrified boy who wanted to run quickly out the door. A door that someone was knocking at right that moment. He glanced over to it and saw someone out there, not sure who it was though. Lisa was directed by Bonnie to hold Terri still as Bonnie went to answer it.

“Come in, come in. Jack, I want you to meet the young lady I was telling you about. Terri Crowe, this is Jack Corwin. He owns several businesses here in town and I think he could use a typist who can type as fast as you can.”

Jack came in followed by a much younger woman who was dressed very nicely and sporting a very large and pregnant belly. He stared hard at Terri as he stood there, frozen to the ground, his very life flashing before his eyes as he waited for the earth to open up below him and swallow him whole.

“Miss Crowe. I believe we already have the pleasure, but under different circumstances.”

Bonnie looked confused, “I’m sorry?” She looked at Terri and then back at Jack and the lady beside him.

Terry choked out, “Hello Mr. Corwin. I’m sorry about this, I didn’t mean it to go this far.”

The lady behind Jack smiled, “Oh, so this is the young lady who was coming in on Monday? From your earlier descriptions, I was expecting someone a bit more… different,” she concluded.

Terry’s face went bright red and he held his hands in front of him, casting his eyes to the ground.

“Indeed, this young lady is certain quite different from the young boy who I offered the job to. I think some explanations are in order here.”

Bonnie stepped in, “Can you tell me what is going on here?” She looked at back and forth to Jack and Terry.

“Earlier this week I interviewed and accepted Terry Crowe as a replacement secretary for the maternal leave of my head secretary here. Terry came to me with a bit more hair than she has now and in a suit and tie. So I’m a bit perplexed as to how Terry was planning to work for me. Or to be more specific, seeing her now I’m wondering if she was intending to come as she presented herself for the interview or if this is now how she planned to surprise me on her first day.”

Bonnie stood gapping at me, “Is this true? What is going on here? You applied for work as Terri Crowe?”

“Yes Ma’m. I did. I wasn’t planning on becoming a swan today. I was planning on getting a simple haircut so that I could fit in with Mr. Corwin’s staff.”

“Why didn’t you apply under your real name, Jeff?”

“That’s, um, sorry, but that’s not my real name either. I was sort of embarrassed coming in here, so I used a fake name.”

“So why,” Mr. Corwin asked, “did you apply with the name of Terry?”

“That’s because I like that name better.”

Bonnie came forward and placed her hand on Jack’s arm. “Is it because Terri is more your name than your real one?”

“Absolutely. I hate my other name. It’s not me at all. I feel out of place when people try to call me that.”

Bonnie looked over to Mr. Corwin and his secretary. “I think I understand why she did it. By using the name Terri, she’s able to establish herself once she starts to dress like a woman. That way she can say she worked before as Terri and any references that are called in would say that Terri did work at your company.”

Jack nodded for a moment and took a step backwards. Turning slightly as he paced a little to clear his mind. He took a few turns and then looked back at Terry. “Is all this true?”

“Ah, yes sir. Mostly.”

“Mostly?”

“Well, I was trying to establish myself as Terry, that’s true. As far as living my life dressed as a woman? Well, I hadn’t decided to make that sort of step yet.” Terry looked apologetically to Jack and Bonnie.

“I see. Well, this does change things quite a bit. Let me lay it straight for you. When Bonnie called and said she had a typist who was available and who would be really good, I was very hopeful. You see, I didn’t really want to use that boy I hired. I only hired him because he was the best of those who applied. Anyone who types that fast was impressive to me. I figured I’d use you until Mrs. Rogers here,” he indicated his secretary, “came back from maternity leave. What I really wanted was a nice girl who could stay on after that as I do need to expand my staff. And I was ready to fire you as soon as you did anything that I didn’t like, simply on principle.”

“Oh,” Terri deflated a bit. “I see.”

“I couldn’t fathom why any man would want to work as a secretary, even if it was a temporary job to make ends meet. But it does make it much easier if you are a woman. And if that’s how you’d really like to live your life, we can do that.”

Terry fumbled backwards and found the chair, sitting down in the dress felt very awkward and he used his hands to smooth his way into the seat, but it looked a lot like a woman smoothing her skirt out as she sat down. He wanted to slouch, but the stiff boned item around his waist kept him sitting up and his dress felt like it was pulling his shoulders back. His legs went to cross themselves and because the skirt was narrow, they ended up crossed at the knees.

Lisa looked on in awe at Terry. The way he sat down, the way he kept his shoulders back as if he was proud of how he looked in his dress, how proud he was to be a woman before them, and then crossing his knees so daintily… If she didn’t know him so well, she would have sworn that this was a woman who really liked the way she appeared. A woman who felt comfortable being a woman in every way.

Terry sat there for a moment, feeling himself starting to cry. If he spoke up and told the truth, he would be out of a job and so would Lisa. Yet if he pretended that this was really what he wanted, then they both would be able to keep their jobs. But he didn’t want to go to work as a woman. He was a man and that was that.

Bonnie came over and was patting his shoulders. He could feel the material of his dress spring back to its puffy form with each pat. Then an idea occurred to him. He could pretend now and then disappear off the radar afterwards. It is true, he’d be out of a job, but at least Lisa would keep hers.

A tissue appeared in Bonnie’s hand in front of him, “She’s so choked up. I don’t think she knows how to accept.”

Another thought came to him. There’s no way he could do this dress up thing. He didn’t own any clothes and he certainly couldn’t afford to buy everything he’d need. Looking over at the other women, he saw that there was a lot more than wearing a dress to be a woman. You needed makeup for one, and all the clothes underneath as well as the dresses, skirts, and blouses. You’d need shoes too. And jewelry. Plus purses and rain coats and … there was a ton of things you had to have that he didn’t have.

“I don’t think I can take your offer Mr. Corwin. Don’t get me wrong, it is a lovely offer and I really do appreciate it, but I wasn’t ready to be a woman full time. I don’t have anything to wear. This outfit is probably the only thing I could use that would be presentable for the office.” Terry was confident now. There’s no way he could do it even if he wanted to do it, which he most certainly did not want.

Jack frowned, “You are telling me that as good as you look right now, this is all you have? Are there any girl clothes in your closet right now?”

Terry resisted the urge to look at Lisa. “Yes sir, there are girl clothes in my closet right now. Only they aren’t the kind of clothes that you would allow anyone to wear to your office. I certainly wouldn’t’ wear them to your office. They aren’t dress code appropriate I am sure.”

Lisa picked up on what Terry was saying and it was true. He did have girl’s clothes in his closet. They were her clothes, not his. And he was right, they wouldn’t be appropriate for the office. They were her older clothes from proms, weddings, and a few very inappropriate sexy type clothes that she wasn’t using anymore. That’s why she stored them in his closet. He wasn’t using but a small amount of space in there in the first place.

“I see. What about your parents?”

“Ah, they split up and aren’t living here. When I turned eighteen they sort of both decided I could live on my own.”

“Other family? Cousins and the like?”

“No sir. No one around here and honestly, no one I’d want to be with. I recently graduated high school and was going to use what I earned to build up enough to make sure I had a nice enough place to live, and enough clothes to wear and such. I was hoping I could go to college as well.”

“This won’t do.” Jack paced back and forth a few more times as everyone looked on. “No, this won’t do at all. I must say, I admire someone who has the balls… I mean Guts! Yes, guts to do what you are trying to do. You’re alone with no one to help you and you aren’t even asking for help. You’re willing to meet it all head on and still make it in this world. I admire that. I respect that.”

“Mr. Corwin? I think I have a solution. What size dress are you wearing right now, honey?”

Bonnie supplied, “It’s a 10, but I bet if he worked it or if his body was more feminine, we could make due with a smaller size.”

“I thought so. That was my size before, well you know. I think we also wear the same size shoe, or close to it. I’ve a good size wardrobe I’m not using right now and even after I come back off of maternity leave, I have the feeling I won’t fit into my clothes like I once did,” she blushed a little. “And even though we probably don’t wear the same size shoe, I think I could find a few I could give up that she’d be able to wear until she bought her own. This means that she’d only have to get a few items to begin with, like hose and the like if she doesn’t have them now, and she could build on it later as she receives her paychecks. As for a place to stay, I guess we could ask around. I don’t know how the other girls would feel about living with someone who wasn’t fully a girl in the body department, but we could try that out.”

Stepping forward, Lisa held up her hand and announced, “I could take her in. I’ve a spare room in my apartment. I could also help her out with what to wear and teach her the things she needs to know about being a lady. That way no one outside of us would know anything about her not being fully a girl.”

“You would?” No one was really sure which spoke first, if it was Bonnie or Terry. Because everyone was focused on Lisa, no one noticed Terry’s face fall in defeat.

“Yes. I’d be proud to do so.”

“Well then,” Bonnie announced, “At least for the summer I can chip in to help out as well. Free salon treatments as she learns to do things for herself. And if you could tell everyone who asked who did your hair and nails, that would be a wonderful way to show some appreciation. A good word of mouth does wonders for business.”

“So it is settled then,” Mrs. Rogers looked around for everyone but Terry’s take. “She’s got a place to stay. She’ll have clothes from me until she can start to build up her wardrobe of her own, that will take care of that. She’s got two coaches,” she motioned to Bonnie and Lisa, “to help her in her appearance and in how to be a lady. And she’ll have a good job from Mr. Corwin.”

“There’s so much to get though, I don’t know how long it will take before I really look presentable.” Terry was holding out hope that everyone would recognize what a fool’s errand this was turning into.

Jack chimed in, “That is exactly right. There probably is a lot she doesn’t have now that she needs before she starts. Tell you what, she’ll come to work for me like we planned and I’ll even cut her an advance to get some things now. She can pay me off as the summer goes on. Of course, if you leave my employment you’d have to pay it back immediately.”

Mrs. Rogers remembered something quite suddenly. “Oh no! We’ve got another problem. Everyone knows that Terry is coming to work on Monday, but they only know him as boy Terry, not girl Terry.”

Bonnie smiled with the solution, “We already have that figured out. When Terri told me her name, and it is a pretty name, one of the things we both decided was that it was too unspecific in the boy/girl territory. That people might confuse the name Terri with a boy’s name. It could go either way, even if you’d spell well as tee-eee-are-are-why and the other as tee-eee-are-are-eye. No, she told me her other choice was Tammy, which might be more appropriate.”

Jack smiled. “That works out fine. So we have Tammy report for duty come Monday. And if things work out well, I can work on getting her name official in a very quiet way. Plus I’m sure she’ll need a doctor to help her along with the changes she’s going to need. I can arrange that as well.”

Mrs. Rogers nodded, “And I can get my stuff together for you to pick up tonight. You all can come with me if you’d like.”

“Unless she has an objection, I’ll have someone cover for Lisa today and tomorrow. Plus she’s already earned a raise for her part in all of this. My way of saying thank you for a wonderful job as a great stylist.”

Lisa helped me up from the chair and said, “Sounds like we’ve got a lot to do to get ready.”

“Let me write out that check now. That way you two have time to get what you’ll need tomorrow. And unless anyone here objects, I’ll take everyone out to dinner tomorrow night as a celebration. Do you have something in fancy dinning wear? We will be going to the best place in town for a night of dining and dancing.”

Mrs. Rogers shook her head, “I’ll have to pass, doctor’s orders, but I have the perfect outfit for you to wear, Tammy.”

Terry put on his best smile and tried very hard to make it believable. “That sound lovely. I can’t wait!”

By Popular Demand, the continueing story of The Swan Who...

Terry has spent a few weeks now working and living as Tammy. He's doing his best to fit in, but it isn't easy when you are pretending...

(currently…)

He glanced down at the phone’s call buttons to confirm where the call was coming from. The phone was smart enough to sound one way when the call was internal and another way for when the call was external, but even though he knew this, he liked the visual confirmation anyway. Okay, external. “Widget, Gizmo, and Dingus Corporation, You’ve reached Mr. Corwin’s office. This is Tammy. How may I help you?”

It was amazing in its own right that he no longer shuddered at what he just did. When he first started, every single time he said ‘this is Tammy’ he felt uncomfortable. His mind screamed at him, ‘NO! You are Terry!’ And when that happened, he couldn’t help but to make a very quick assessment of the checklist as to why this was wrong. The checklist was one of the ways he dealt with things. One of the ways he could say, ‘this is not me and I am here against my will.’

It would start off with the more serious offences first. The fact that he had breasts. Thankfully they weren’t real breasts, only padding. Still they tended to get in the way of everything he did and everything he could see looking down. They also tended to attract male attention. He also had found that he tended to bump himself a lot in the breasts when he got too close to something. Or when his purse strap tended to catch on them when he put his purse on his shoulder. Or the way some necklaces he had would get caught on them or how his chest would feel with some blouses showing more skin than he liked above his breasts, especially when something cold hit his skin like a raindrop or a blast from an air conditioner. Yes, the breasts easily made the top of the list. The way the band of the bra dug into his chest or the straps would pull on his shoulders. Well, every single thing about them was a constant reminder.

The next thing that would come to mind tended to change depending on what was bothering him the most. Sometimes his feet hurt from the heels he was wearing. Sometimes it was the hot padding that gave him his hips. Sometimes it was an earring that got in the way of the phone or was tangled up in something else like hair or anything that it could get in contact with. Sometimes it was the feeling of makeup on his skin or lipstick on his lips. Sometimes it was the perfume he wore. Sometimes the cut of his dress or skirt or blouse or a bracelet or a bangle or …. There were a lot of things.

And the worst part about EVERYTHING? Was that his checklist didn’t automatically pop up at times. When he realized he hadn’t felt strange about whatever it was he was doing or feeling. That’s when it hurt the most. That’s when he had to reinforce the need for that checklist. It was one of the few things that kept him sane. Kept him grounded.

“Yes sir, Mr. Corwin is currently not in. May I take a message?”

Of course he wouldn’t be in, Terry thought. It is lunchtime. Why do people think that at lunch time everyone is in their office and waiting to talk to them? Jack wasn’t due back for another forty five minutes, if he was punctual. And he was. It was very annoying that he had to be too. Everything done by the book, to the letter, by the numbers… Could he not relax a little?

“Yes sir, I’ll be sure he sees this. Thank you for calling. G’bye.” Terry set the phone back on its cradle carefully. It wouldn’t do for anyone to see him as anything other than perky. He had an image to uphold. There was no relaxing possible.

Dutifully, he went back to work. Funny how offices change. It used to be there were rooms upon rooms of typists, doing whatever needed doing. They were there to type. And there was a lot of things to type. That’s what he remembered about his mother’s job. But here in modern 1984 computers had come into their own. They were powerful machines that sat right on a desk. It was amazing how they only took up half of the desk too. What would they think of next? And the programs! He had thought that all he would be doing was typing, but as it was, he had to learn this thing called a word processor. You could type up the letter you were sending out to everyone, then in a separate file list all the individual details that would go into the letter and the two things could be merged and sent to a printer room where all of it was sorted, stuffed, and mailed out with a single push of a button. Well, not a ‘single’ push. It took some getting used to doing it. In fact, that’s what kept him the most busy of everything, learning how the word processor worked. He’d take manuals with him to the lunch room and read how to do whatever. Some days he stayed a little later than everyone else so he could try some of the things that were in the book.

If nothing else, he was certainly getting an education.

(previously…)

A smartly dressed woman wearing a light blue blouse with a large floppy bow along with her navy skirt and jacket led him from the common secretary room where rows and rows of women were busy typing on IBM Selectric typewriters or busy with what looked like small computers at their desks. The room seemed split upon who had what on their desk, with about half having one or the other. She ushered him into a windowed room that held two desk sets, one prominent set that was right outside a large door that obviously was the company president’s office, and a smaller set of desks off to the side and back in the corner. Two other ladies who were equally well dressed stood from where they had been sitting on a couch waiting. All three seemed to be in their thirties, as best as Terry could tell.

“Tammy, this is Florence Clugston and Linda Brand,” Alice stated, pointing to one and then the other. “Ladies, this is Tammy Grant and she’s assisting us while Nancy is away.”

The three of them exchanged simple pleasantries, but Terry felt like he was being sized up by each of the women. He wasn’t quite sure why as he didn’t see himself as a threat to anything they could be doing. He was only here for a short while so that he could pay off the loans he had been forced into and then he was out of here.

Florence turned and asked, “Alice, what happened to the boy who was supposed to be here?”

“I’m not sure. Mr. Corwin says that he called to cancel or something and that he was recommended to Tammy here by a friend of his.”

“Well that’s good. I wasn’t too thrilled with the idea of him working here. Tammy, I’m so glad to have you with us. And I’m also very pleased that you don’t need to be told how important the dress code is.”

“I’m sorry, dress code?”

“Well yes, since you are one of the executive secretaries, you have to dress the part. As you can see, the secretaries that are in the common room aren’t required to be as well presenting as we must be. Given their duties, they have a lower expectation.”

I looked down at how I was dressed and was glad that not only had I received several outfits from Nancy who I met the previous Thursday at the beauty parlor, but Lisa had insisted that we pick up a few more outfits over the weekend while I was receiving my crash course in how to do everything. Part of me shuddered as I took it all in yet again. Like Alice, I had a bow at my neck, but mine tied to the side and my dress was blue with alternating diagonal pink strips. And I had to agree, I was certainly much better dressed than the women I had seen in the other room. They were all dressed well, but not nearly as well as the women before me.

“So Tammy, did you train at a professional school or did you have another job before joining our office?”

“Oh, no. I’m sorry, I am pretty fresh off the boat I’m afraid. I think it was my typing skills that caught Mr. Corwin’s attention. That and since this isn’t a permanent position, he felt he could take the risk with me.” Lisa had taught me to explain myself this way. She said it would help if I apologized now and then, even if I hadn’t done anything wrong. It was a way to show that I was a humble person and not someone they needed to worry about. Plus saying that I was only temporary would mean that I wasn’t going to be around for very long.

“Oh don’t worry, I’m sure you will do fine. I’m sure with your talents you’ll be able to land a full time job with us.”

I wasn’t sure if she really meant what she said. The tone and everything else about it seemed to say she was being honest and nice, but I also seemed to pick up some sort of acidic barb in there for some reason.

We chatted for a few more moments and then Alice led me over to the desk in the corner and began to instruct me as to how to answer the phone as well as where everything in the office was. Eventually she was able to guide me around to where the other offices were. It seems that Nancy was the main secretary to Jack Corwin and Alice was her assistant. Florence was the main secretary for the vice president, as well as the executive office manager, and Linda was her assistant. Alice was taking Nancy’s spot while she was out and I was taking Alice’s. It was confusing to me, but I guess it made sense not to switch who you reported to during this time.

It was a very busy day for me. It sort of flew by, everything was happening so quickly and I was rushing to catch up on all the right ways of doing things. One of the annoying aspects of where my desk was, was that part of it looked out over the secretary’s floor, and thus they all had a clear view of me and everything I did. Occasionally I looked up from what I was doing and would see some lady’s heads move quickly, as if they might have been looking at where I was. It was disconcerting to say the least.

Lunchtime came and I was somewhat unsettled to find that I wasn’t going to be eating with Alice. She was heading off with Florence and I was supposed to fill in for her while she was out. I was her assistant after all. So Linda came over and helped me through what to expect during the lunch hour while the office manager, Mrs. Luanna Strickland from the secretary floor, covered her duties for the vice president’s office. When it came time for our lunch, Linda and Luanna took me to the lunch room where I mainly sat and listened in on what they had to talk about.

I didn’t really feel comfortable bringing anything up with them. They were nice and all, but they seemed to want to know more about me than I really could talk about. So I mostly kept quiet and listened to what they were saying.

The next day was a little more familiar for me. At least I knew where to go and how to get things done better. Lunch wasn’t fun for me though, and eventually through the week Linda and Luanna had gotten what they wanted out of me and they stopped including me when they went to lunch. I’m not sure if I put them off or what, but they seemed to either be heading out more often or doing things that made me feel unwelcomed. I tried to talk to Lisa about it, but she kept telling me that the things they were talking about that made me feel unwelcomed were things women said to each other all the time. It was that I wasn’t too comfortable with talking about these things that was causing me to feel the way I was. As it was though, it became even more miserable for me to be there.

(currently…)

“Hello Alice. How was lunch?” I gave her my best smile while I asked. That’s one of the other things that Lisa had been drilling into me day in and day out. A smile and a perky attitude must be worn at all times. It helped cover up any sort of discomfort I might be feeling. Besides, she said that if the sharks smelled blood they could attack and I didn’t want to experience that.

I actually saw that happened on Monday. One of the girls in the secretary pool apparently had a bad breakup over the weekend, and the other girls formed two different groups. One group tried to console her a little, but the other group talked about her behind her back in ways that really shocked me. I had no idea they were so petty and mean about it all. What was worse was that some of the girls in one group were also in the other group. Lisa told me, ‘What do you expect? We’re human after all. Just because we’re women doesn’t mean we are supposed to be some sweet, nice, pollyanna type person.’

I tried to point out to Lisa that she was telling me to be the sweet, nice, pollyanna type person while I was in disguise as a girl. ‘That’s true,’ she said, ‘because you need to learn how to be non-threatening to the other women.’

I retrieved my purse from the desk and made my way to the ladies room. I had always thought that the bathroom would be very different than what I saw as a guy, you know? That women were always supposed to be these neat and tidy people and the bathroom would reflect it by being clean. That certainly was not the case. The bathrooms were one of the dirtiest places I had ever seen. You think men’s rooms are bad? Try the ladies; they aren’t clean. Not only was it not clean, but why was it that the men’s room had the same basic number of stalls? I knew how many stalls the men’s room had because I had been in there before during my interview process back before that horrible Thursday. Why were there not more stalls for the ladies room? I mean, it was obvious that going to the restroom as a woman was a lot more involved process than going as a guy. I mean, even as I guy I knew that.

But apparently no one ever told the designers this. Why the women haven’t complained about this before was beyond me. Listen, for a guy it was simple. You go in, you drop your pants, you go, and that’s that. When you are all done, all you have to do is pull your pants back up, tuck in your shirt and then hopefully wash your hands. But for a woman there was a lot more involved in ‘dropping your pants’. The number of ‘layers’ you had between you and the outside world was a lot more than what I had as a guy, and it was generally a lot more tight to the skin so getting it off, much less on, was a lot more involved. Plus you’ve got to keep your skirt or dress up high enough to not get it dirty. And I learned very early on that to have a tight skirt was a terrible thing, no matter how good someone said you looked wearing it. You had to practically undress in order to get to where you could sit down. And getting put back together? Again a lot more involved. And then you have to make sure your appearance is neat afterwards. That’s not as simple as tucking in your shirt. There’s hair and makeup and perfume and other things. It’s a mess. So tell me why there were the same number of stalls in the girls room as there were in the men’s room? Especially where there were only about ten men in the entire area compared to the fifty or so women? All trying to use the restroom at the same times?

It’s madness, I tell you!

But it was the bathrooms that gave me my first big clue as to what was going on around me.

(previously…)

The stall I happened to get into was the smallest one. I don’t know why, but they seemed to have run out of room when they were setting up the stall walls and this one stall against the wall seemed to have a lot less room than the other four normal stalls. I watched my purse swing slightly side to side from where it was hung on the door. When someone opened or closed the stall close by, it would start my purse swinging again. It wasn’t like I normally took a long time while using the restroom, but today I was a bit out of sorts. Something I ate for certain.

I glanced down again, making sure that I had a good hold on my skirt and slip, and that my girdle that held all my padding wasn’t low enough to be seen by everyone else from under the stalls. Not that anyone was going to be looking, but you never know what someone can see at times. I tried especially hard not to listen in or try to look at anyone in the bathroom. After all, I was intruding on their space whether they knew it or not. Lisa teased me now and then about having to use the women’s room and it was a very uncomfortable subject. Because she was partly right. It was something of a boy’s dream to be able to see what women did. To be able to catch glimpses of things that you normally would never see. Still, it wasn’t right. I mean, I at least didn’t go in there thinking it was some sort of love fest going on between all the girls like some guys would think.

Girls were like guys. They wanted to come in and do their business. Most didn’t want to talk while they were doing their business. The big difference was what they did after they did their business; while they freshened up at the counter or waited for their friends or whatever. A good number of them, far more than any guys, liked to strike up conversations. And not just sometimes, but it seemed like an all the time thing. I thought at first it must be between their friends, but I found out it was even between those that they didn’t know so well. Like me.

Yah, I didn’t like the bathrooms because they were always so busy and I felt so rushed. I also felt so exposed in there, that someone might see … well, you know. I also felt like they had me captive in there. I couldn’t get out sometimes without people trying to talk to me. Comments about my hair or whatever. I did my best to cut the conversations short. It was not a pleasant experience for me at all. I like bathrooms before all this happened because I could take a few minutes to escape everything. Guys tend to leave other guys alone. Not now though. I don’t like bathrooms anymore.

Suddenly I heard someone mention the name, ‘Tammy’. I was the only Tammy around the office that I knew of, so it had to be me unless they were talking about someone outside of the office. I listened in whether I wanted to or not. I couldn’t help it.

“Why in the world did they pick up that girl for the executive secretary job?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I heard that she never learned how to be in an office before she got this job. And that this is her first job at that. Do you know how long I’ve been trying to get a job like that? And she waltzes in and has it?”

“Yah, but the job is temporary. She won’t be an executive after that.”

“But what about the rest of us? We could have gone in there even temporarily and done a much better job. Hell, I could have shown them that I was capable to doing the job, but they brought in some stuck up bitch instead.”

“She’s certainly stuck up. Every time we try to talk to her she never wants to talk to us. And she’s always dressing like we’re so far beneath her. And… well, I did hear that one of the other top ladies say that she must have done something to get in there. You know she’s pretty cute, so she probably did her interview in a motel room.”

“I bet you’re right. She’s probably trying to land herself a husband. Well good luck there. All those men will play with you, but they aren’t going to let go of what they already have. Especially when there are a lot of girls here who would be happy to give them what they want.”

You know the list of why I hate bathrooms? It keeps growing.

(currently…)

I looked across the restaurant table at Lisa as she ate her salad, one identical to my own. One of our rules was that I had to eat the same things she ate. That’s one of the ways I kept in character. Kimberly saw my longing stare and asked what was wrong.

I tried to explain my problem. “It isn’t that I’m against salads. I like them well enough, I guess, but what I’d really like to have was something more pleasurable. Something really beefy to fill me up.”

When I figured out why they were laughing so hard, I could have buried myself under the table.

“So, what have you learned so far?” Kimberly asked us. We had been researching everything we could about my situation, looking for a way out of it. Lisa worked her social network for what she could find out and I had spent most of my Saturday in the library looking things up on a variety of subjects while the two of them worked in the salon. This was supposed to be our triumphant celebration meal about what we had discovered. It turned out to be more of a discussion of futility.

Lisa started off, “Well, one of the things we have learned is that our beloved Mr. Jack is one of the most powerful men in the county.”

I nodded, filling in, “He’s up there and calls a lot of shots it seems. Many of the elected officials meet with him during the week or call him on issues. I can’t say he tells them exactly what to do, but his opinion is always sought on a lot of things. He also gets into calls about once a day that none of us secretaries are allowed in on. So he must be doing a lot of behind the scenes type stuff.”

“Yah, that’s pretty much what Bonnie said too, that Jack was not someone you wanted to get angry with you. Seems he can arrange to have your business suffer and not make as much money if he wants to. And if he really didn’t like you, he could make it fail.” Lisa pointed towards me, “And we both have found out that there’s no way we’re going to be able to take him to court about the whole not wanting a guy to work as a secretary thing.”

“What do you mean? It’s completely wrong. He should easily lose that case.” She waved her hand indirectly to cover me. “Even though we’re in a right to fire state, the government still protects against discrimination over gender and stuff.”

“That’s true, but you need witnesses. And the only people who witnessed it were Tammy, myself, Bonnie, Jack, and his secretary Nancy. And Bonnie won’t speak against Jack. Like I said, if you get on his bad side your business can go under. And Nancy won’t go against him either. She’s got a baby now and her husband is a fire fighter, directly controlled by the county government which Jack is so capable of influencing. He doesn’t have to do anything directly, because people will assume what he might want them to do and do it for him, just to get on his good side.”

I added, “And so that leaves Lisa and me, arguing against Jack and two others who would take Jack’s side of things. And in that trial, my situation would come out and thus Lisa’s. You know what? That bastard could argue that he gave me the job when I was a guy and still let me have the job when he went to Bonnie’s, even knowing I was a guy and that I would be dressing as a girl. So any argument saying that he didn’t want guys working as a secretary would have to fight all of that. We’d never survive afterwards. And there’s no where we could go nearby that he couldn’t reach out to and destroy our chances to have a job, a home, or anything else.”

Kimberly took it in and noted, “That’s why your plan is to get way far away from here, right? So that you can get away from anything he could influence?”

Lisa swallowed her bite and answered, “Exactly. Look, Tammy or I are going to have to get far away from here, establish ourselves, then we can bring the one left behind along. And right now that is looking like it is going to have to be me. I should be able to set up in another place fairly easily. Then Tammy disappears here, and Terry shows up far away. He won’t be able to use any of his work experience here, but at least we’ll get out from under him. At worse we have to stay separate from each other for a short time, while they might look or check up on where we went, but then we’ll be okay to get back together.”

“So when do you plan to move then?”

I sighed, stabbing my salad with my fork, “Not for a long while. I have to pay off these loans that Jack pushed on to me for the clothes and stuff.”

“Well, that wasn’t too much, was it?”

“It was enough to really slow me down. And it gets worse. Even though I’m being paid more than the other girls because I’m an executive secretary, it isn’t nearly what the other ladies are making. I’m a temp after all. And all that extra money is being spent on clothes and stuff to help me keep up with the dress requirements at work.”

“And doctor bills…” Lisa mumbled.

“Yah, don’t remind me.”

“Doctor bills? Is there something wrong?” Kimberly looked back and forth between the two of us, trying to figure out who was having problems. It wouldn’t be unlike Lisa to shove her expenses on someone else, but after everything Tammy, err Terry, was doing for her, why would she abuse him like that? Didn’t she realize the lengths and depths that he was going through to help her? And he had been so noble about it too.

He spelled it out for her. “My friend and promoter of good health, Mr. Jack Corwin, is making sure that I get what I need to fulfill my lifelong dream and wish of being a woman.”

“But… you don’t want to be a woman.”

“Yah, but he thinks Tammy does want to be a woman. That’s what Bonnie sold Jack on that Thursday. God that bitch drives me nuts. I tried to take things only a little way and she takes over with her whole ‘All the Way or Nothing’ attitude because she thinks she is so right about everything… I mean, UGH!”

Kimberly looked me over. “So what does that mean? How is he going to do the wish fulfillment?”

“He’s making sure that I have the information I need and the appointments with the various doctors in order to achieve my goal. He’s even researched things out for me so that I have all the information at hand.”

“Oh God!” Kim exclaimed. “He’s going to have the doctors cut your … thing off.”

“NO!” Lisa and I both erupted, then we felt embarrassed having shouted in the restaurant.

“No, it isn’t like that. Not this early at least.” I drew an imaginary line on the table and stated pointing to various locations down the imaginary line. “Here’s the time line of events. This is what I found out and I’m safe and clear on things. You see, I have to have therapy for a long while before anything medically or surgically can be done. So I should be way out of here before it gets time to see the medical doctors about it. And even if I don’t get out of here that fast, which I hope to God doesn’t happen. Even if I’m here for a year or so and then the medical doctor part happens, they don’t go in and start cutting things off of me. They have to go slow as well. They have this entire procedure of events that must happen before the next thing can be done.”

This was news to Lisa as well, “How slow do they go? And once they start, aren’t you committed all the way?”

“Nope. I mean, it’s slow. Every part of the procedure takes time. It’s like another year or so each part. A year of therapy and then you get to the medical part. And that takes time like I said. You see they start injecting you with girl’s hormones. Then your body slowly changes to a more girlish shape and form. It’s not a complete change, but a partial change. From what I read, it won’t turn me into some super model or something like that. No, my skin will become more soft. And I’ll slowly start to grow… um, curves.”

Kimberly laughed a little, “Oh God, if you get tits you won’t stop fondling yourself.”

I blushed a bit and then I caught Lisa’s eye and she seemed a bit intrigued by that, which made me blush even more. I tried to protest, “No, no, no. It isn’t like that. It’s very slow. It’s like, oh, I don’t know, how fast it took you to grow your own, you know?”

“Oh, that took a long while before they began to look good and you’re right, they take a good long time before they even come in. You’ll have itty bitty titties for a long time.”

I crossed my arms over the padding of my breasts. “This whole conversation is making me very uncomfortable.”

Lisa ventured, “But once that happens, what else? Is it permanent?”

“Ah, no. Not really. From what I read, the body will redistribute the stuff back to where it goes based upon the hormones I have in my system. So if I have girl hormones, I get hips, small waist, soft skin, and … you know. But when I stop taking those hormones my body has its own and I’ll just revert back to my normal self.”

“Won’t your thing suffer?”

“Nothing bad from what I read. It will be a long while before anything happens to stop my thing from acting like it should act. But by then I best be away from here and if I’m not able to get away normally by then, I certainly will be running for the other coast, loans or not. I won’t leave a forwarding address either.”

“So when does the thingie get cut off?” Kim blushed a bit, but I could tell she was curious about the whole thing. It didn’t bother me much, as it wouldn’t happen to me that’s for sure. It was a much more clinical type of view point.

“Well, let’s see. You go on the meds and your body changes which takes a few years. Then you have to prove that you’re willing and able to live as a woman, so that’s yet another year or so. Then if everyone agrees, the doctors, the therapist, and the patient, they can then do the surgery which I read was really expensive.”

“Oh, then even if things go all to hell, we’ll have plenty of time, right?”

“Exactly.”

Lisa wondered, “Is Jack doing all these things to see if you trip up and reveal yourself as a fraud? Do you think he’d do something like that?”

“Um, I don’t know. I mean, what I’m telling you about the time line and all is from the library, so unless Jack wrote that and published it under assumed names, I don’t think so.” They all chuckled at that. “However you know how controlling he is about everything. I told you how he likes to be very rigid about everything done perfectly right all the time. I bet he’s with that therapist right now discussing what happened during my meeting and making sure that I’m not a fraud of some sort. He’s not paranoid. I’m not saying that. But he’s the kind of man who ensures that everything is done by the book. I bet he’ll even set up tests of his own to make sure I’ll follow through with them and continue to prove I’m on the up and up in all this. He’ll want to insure I am not faking anything.”

Kimberly considered the two of us and what we had talked about as she ate for a few moments in silence. Then a thought occurred to her, “You mentioned doctor bills like you already have seen a doctor. Have you?”

I nodded. “Yah, sort of. I had my first therapy session yesterday. Didn’t I mention that? I had to take time off from work to do it too, so that’s another thing that is stopping me from getting all the money we need to move on.”

“How did it go?”

“It was … strange. I had to keep in mind what I needed to say about things so that the doctor would believe that this was what I wanted in life. Keeping to the script and lies I needed, I think I did okay.”

“What sort of things did you say?”

“Um, God this is embarrassing. I had to tell him that I wanted to be a girl and stuff. But he didn’t really seem all that interested in my telling him that.”

Lisa joined in. I hadn’t told her everything about the therapy session yet. “So if you didn’t talk about wanting to be a woman and how you were a girl in a boy’s body and all that junk, what did you talk about?”

“Well, it was mostly how I felt at work and stuff. You know, how I was coping and working with the other girls and stuff. Like, how I felt about things, my troubles I was having fitting in with the other girls, my living as a girl full time, and stuff like that.”

“What sorts of troubles are you having? Is it that you are trying to understand the other girls or something like that? Because let’s face it, you don’t have a lot of life experience as a girl so of course you don’t know what girls like or do and that would make it hard to swap girl stories and junk.”

“No, mostly that the other girls aren’t accepting me in their little groups.”

Lisa laughed a little at this, but Kimberly pressed on. “In what way are they not accepting you?”

“Well,” I squirmed a little in my chair and felt my cheeks heat up, “the executive secretaries see me as someone who doesn’t have the background to be an executive secretary, even a temporary one. And the girls from the secretary floor think I’m stuck up and that I dress more nicely than them as a way to try and be better than they are.”

Lisa and Kimberly both laughed a little at my confession. Lisa already knew all of that, but she still found it funny. She pressed me and encouraged Kimberly to hear the rest. “You’ve got to hear the funniest part of this whole thing. Tammy, tell Kimmie here what both groups think you did to get the job.”

I delayed as long as I could, but it was inevitable. If I didn’t say, then Lisa would say and she’d make it sound a lot worse. “They all think that my typing skills alone aren’t enough to have landed me this job. They all think I slept with one or more of the managers to get the job.”

I thought Kimberly was going to choke to death after that.

(meanwhile on the other side of town …. )

“You know Jack, she’s the real deal here.” Don sat back in his chair on the private deck at the country club, looking out over the pool. He took a long sip from his drink before setting it down on the table between himself and Jack. They both sat and watched their families swim in the pool as well as watched some of the pretty ladies walk about.

“The real deal? How so?”

“Well, you know that this isn’t my expertise, but I read up enough in the last week to know that she’s showing the classic signs. She didn’t seem all that interested in trying to convince me that she was a girl at heart or anything like that. If she was trying to trick you or me, she would have spent a lot of time on that alone. As it was, she only responded to my questions about that sort of thing and then she dropped it. That was it.”

Jack glanced over and tried to evaluate what the doctor had said, “But wouldn’t the lack of talking about it be a sign that she isn’t the real deal?”

“Well yah, if she then went on and talked about cars or guy stuff. Or if she continued to try and convince me that she was a girl and not a boy at heart. No, this girl didn’t do either one of those.”

“What did she do then?”

“Well, she talked about how she felt like she was being ostracized from the rest of the girls at your office. She feels they aren’t letting her into their little hen house and she wants desperately to feel a part of all that. Tammy said that your senior girls seemed to feel she didn’t have the skills or experience to be one of them, and their keeping her out. I bet your senior girls see her as a threat, not because she’s a great secretary, but because she’s young and cute. So damn, she’s got them all convinced she’s the real deal otherwise they wouldn’t be threatened like that. Plus your junior girls also don’t like her. Tammy said that they felt she was stuck up and didn’t like that she dressed much better than they do.”

“Well, I guess that’s to be expected. After all the juniors aren’t required to dress at the same level as the senior staff. So of course she can’t dress like they do.”

“Yah, but it also shows something else. She likes to dress nicely. We talked a little about what she wears when she’s not at work and from what she said, she dresses nicely then too. She also isn’t coming at it from the angle you just used. If Tammy was really a guy, she would have been logical about the whole deal and would have written it off like that. But no, she talked about how it made her feel and how hard it was for her to fit in. All because she wants to fit in. She’s also worried about what she’ll do after her temporary job runs out. How will she fit in with all the girls in the common room after they’ve pushed her out all this time and she also doesn’t know if she could even dress as casually as they do. I can tell she likes to dress as feminine as possible. You know Jack, she’s the real deal.”

“Huh, I hadn’t thought about the disruptions to the staff that she’ll have when we move her down to the common room.” He took a drink and made a mental note to think about how to help Tammy out in that regard. He didn’t need another senior staff member and she wasn’t fitting in with either group, so it would be hard no matter which group she tried to join once Nancy came back to work.

“She’s also complaining about how uncomfortable she’s feeling dressed like she is.”

“What? I thought you said that she likes to dress as feminine as possible? If she’s a real woman like you say she is, why does it bother her?”

“Sorry, I guess I need to clarify that. It is not that she feels out of place dressing like she does. No, her complaints are about the padding she has to wear in order to wear the clothes properly. She spent a bit of time complaining about how uncomfortable it was.”

“Well, I can see that. I mean, I am sure that wearing padding would be sort of difficult in the summer time. All that heat trapped in there. I mean, I don’t like to wear a suit coat myself all the time either, so I bet she would like to take her ‘coat’ off in a way.”

“Exactly. She’s wanting to ditch the padding and look normal. I tell you Jack, she’s ready to be a woman now. All this waiting is going to kill her.”

“Waiting?”

“Well yes. There are procedures that we follow generally. She’s got to spend time in therapy for a while so that we can officially say that she is or isn’t the real deal.”

Jack nodded at his point, mentally noting that Don already stated that she was the real deal. Just like in business, there were times some idiot created a bunch of procedures and red tape to slow down what needed to be done. Yes, they were helpful if you had to be careful about your next step, but once it was determined what the right course of action was, the responsible thing to do was to do it. Damn the procedures and get the job done.

Don continued on, “And after that, she’s then ready for the medical side of things. She’ll have to be prescribed estrogen and other female hormones in order have her body adapt. Then she’ll have to eventually do what is called a real life test. Living as a woman full time for about a year so that she is confident that this is what she really wants to do and that she isn’t some cross dresser or something like that. Once she’s proven that, then she can have the operation.”

Jack was silent for a moment. He thought about it and what Tammy would have to live through before reaching the end goal. That was what? Three years of effort to prove beyond everyone’s doubt that she was really ready for this? That would be like a journey through hell to prove to everyone else that you could do it, all the while playing “mother may I” every step of the way. It was obscene to have to put up with that much crap to get to where you were trying to get to.

No, that wouldn’t do. Tammy was pretty damn courageous. The more he saw of what she was going through to get to where she was trying to go, the more courageous she became. He thought originally that ‘Tammy’ was a failure as a man, such a failure that he was willing to be demoted to being a woman. But now he saw things in a newer light. Here was a person, brave, determined, willing to live through years of hell to get what she wanted. Tammy was risking everything she was to achieve this goal. And if she was discovered during that time? It would be throwing the Christian to the lion while everyone watched from the stands.

No, that won’t do. He wasn’t going to stand by while everyone played ‘gate keeper’ and made Tammy jump through their hoops and dance before them until they were satisfied that she was ready to go to the next step on the ladder. No, that won’t do at all. The responsible thing when the procedures are in the way of the justified and qualified goal is to damn the procedures and do it.

And there was one thing Jack did well. He got things done.

It couldn’t get any worse now, could it?

Lisa pulled in to her apartment’s parking lot and nervously noted that Terry’s car was already there. He wasn’t supposed to be home this early. In fact, it was three hours too early for him to be home. Whatever was going on, it couldn’t be good. He could be sick. Or maybe he needed to get away and do some “man” time again. He thought she didn’t know about the times he hid his girl-self away and did his best to look like a dude again, but she knew. She had spotted him twice now outside the apartment once on a Saturday and once on a weekday evening when he thought she was at work.

She made her way up the stairs, carrying her running gear in a canvas bag. She noisily unlocked the door and made her way inside, hoping that if Terry was needing a moment to cover whatever he was doing, that she’d have given him enough time. She tossed her keys into the bowl on the kitchen bar and put her water bottle away before making her way back to the bedrooms. It was then that she caught an escaped sob from “Tammy’s” room. Even though they slept together most every night, he still had his own room.

“Honey?” she carefully opened the partially closed door. “Tammy? Are you okay?” She followed her own rules that she laid down back when this whole thing began. She’d seen enough TV dramas and read enough books to know that a secret’s weakest link was always with those who were originally involved in the secret. As such they did not talk about anything unless they were positive they were in a safe place. They also didn’t break the façade about the whole thing. If you got used to doing that, what would stop you from doing it when you were where you could be overheard?

‘Tammy’ was on his bed crying into a pillow. Because of what they were trying to do, he didn’t have many male clothes on hand. Nearly all of them had been packed away and stored inside Kimberly’s apartment in a spare closet of hers. What he had left were gender neutral items, like the shorts and t-shirt he was wearing now. Absently she noted that with his smooth legs and arms, along with his recently lightened curly hair he still looked fairly girly. As she got closer she saw his toe and finger nails were still polished and he was wearing his earrings and even some rings on his fingers. So he wasn’t trying to be in boy mode.

Laying down on his bed, she pulled him into her arms and tried to comfort him, wishing she had grabbed a box of tissues before she had joined him. When he finally looked at her, his eyes were puffy and his face thankfully makeup free. She had gotten used to him dressed up all the time. Heck, she had even gotten used to kissing him when he was wearing makeup or making love with him when he looked more woman like than man like, but it helped her a lot when she didn’t have to filter out all the changes that had been done to him since that day at Bonnie’s four weeks ago now.

“What’s wrong baby?” Inwardly she grimaced and chastised herself for saying the word ‘baby’ to him. She had gotten so used to him as a girl that she was comfortable about calling him terms she would only call another girlfriend. It wasn’t so much that she called him ‘baby’ in that light, but that Terry might see it as calling him a crying infant. Luckily, he didn’t seem to take it wrong. Still, she needed to watch herself.

“They moved the appointment to today!” he complained.

She waited for him to continue, but he buried his head into her shoulder instead, not wanting to talk for a while.

She rubbed his back, noting that he wasn’t wearing a bra at all. That wasn’t what they had agreed to, but given his feelings right now she wasn’t going to criticize him for that. She felt bad for him in so many different ways. It was really all her fault that all this was happening to him in the first place. If she hadn’t been so greedy, they would have been fine. As it was, they had dug themselves a very deep hole and dealing with it was not easy for either of them.

She urged gently, “What happened sugar? Did everything work out okay? They didn’t … you know …” she wasn’t sure how to phrase that question. After thinking for a moment she kicked herself over it all. Of course they didn’t cut anything off of him. That couldn’t happen. And even if they did, Terry would not have allowed it. Nor would he be here, comfortable after any such procedure. He’d certainly have bandages and other things down there.

“Well,” Terry began, wiping the tears off his cheeks, “I was at work and they called me and they said that they needed to reschedule my appointment to today, so I pretended to be sick and took the rest of the day off. Jack was out sick today, so I didn’t have a chance to even see if he knew anything about it all.”

“Did you go?” Partly she wished he hadn’t. It would be a lot easier if he would do something to stop this. She wanted him to, but she didn’t dare do it herself. There was so much riding on it. If she broke the charade they were living under, she could survive by going to another town and finding work that way. Terry on the other hand, he’d be destroyed from it all. No, if anyone could stop it, it would have to be him. It would have to be his choice. She’d support him all the way. A song fragment popped up in her mind; a very inappropriate verse of “stand by your man”.

Terry nodded. “It was like we thought. I got there and answered a few questions and he took some blood samples. He also… oh God it was awful.”

“What?!”

“Well, I had to undress and take off my hose and underwear down there, then put on a gown. He had me lie on the table and place my legs in these leg holder things. He checked me out down there, to make sure that I wasn’t doing anything that could harm anything.”

Lisa couldn’t help it as a laugh escaped as she thought of poor Terry in stirrups. “Oh my God! He didn’t use a speculum, did he?”

“What’s that?”

“It’s like this little duck bill thing used to open you up so they can see inside. They put lubricant on it and then insert it inside you…”

Terry paled and backed away, “Dear Lord NO!”

She laughed harder, “That’s a relief.”

“No, he used his fingers instead.”

She was completely silent for a moment or two, then she started choking. Terry looked on and blushed down to his toes. “He had to check my prostate, which is, you know, down there,” he protested.

Recovering from that bombshell took her a bit and Terry fetched some tissues to blow his nose. He looked very resigned, his eyes cast downward as he continued to sniffle and blow his nose now and then.

Trying to cover herself, she started “I’m so sorry honey, it’s just…”

“You don’t need to say anything okay?”

“But I am sorry,”

“I’m sorry too. I don’t want to talk about it.”

She moved and sat next to him, pulling him back into her arms. “So was that it? I know that was very traumatic for you, but at least it was only a checkup.”

Terry pulled away and sat further down the bed.

(previously…)

“What do you mean, checkup?” Lisa asked.

“Well, Jack said he was arranging a doctor’s appointment for me for a checkup. He said he had done some investigations and was going to do what he could to help me.”

“But what does that mean? Is he trying to push things along?”

Terry tried to explain in a rational way to remove not only his worries, but hers as well. “Look, they can’t do anything to me yet. I’ve only been to the therapist once. So according to the rules and procedures for everything, no one can do anything to me yet. They need my permission first to do anything to me. Plus like I said, the therapist has to have seen me for at least six months to a year before anything can be done medically.”

“But, this is a doctor’s appointment. You know Jack, he’s crazy enough to try and push things the way he thinks they should be done.”

“I know. That’s got me worried too. But really, he can’t do it. Not in this case. They are legally bound to follow the statement of care in this. They can’t ignore the rules, right?”

“They shouldn’t be able to. No, you’re right. He’s probably doing this for some other reason.”

“Exactly. I’m thinking it is one of three things.”

“Yah?” Lisa sat up and him her full focus.

“Yah, like, he’s going to see if I run when faced with something like this.”

“I think you should run.”

“Believe me, if they were really going to do something to me, I would be well out of state by now. No, he’s got to be testing me again. I think he’s been spying on us you know.”

“Yah, I know. You’ve said that you’ve been seeing a car in the parking lot now and then, but honestly that is just bizarre.”

“The car really was there. Some guy is always sitting in it. And sometimes I see that car other places too! On some days, no matter where I go it seems to follow me around.”

“Yes, I know. But I’ve not seen it yet and frankly, the type of car you describe is pretty common.”

Terry pleaded, “I know! But still, I think I’m being watched.”

“What are the other reasons?”

“Oh, well, like I said, number one is that he’s doing this to see if I run. Number two is that he’s really doing something good. Like he’s trying to help by making sure that I am healthy.”

“I can see that partly. We’ve heard a few stories where he takes a personal interest in someone and does his best to tend to their needs.”

“Exactly, so this follows that. And number three? Well, he’ll do something else.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. I mean, he could be actually trying to do something to me that’s stupid. Or he could be faking it. Or he could be trying to be helpful. It has to be one of those things.”

“So you think he’ll try something stupid?”

“If it was Jack alone, yes.” Terry faked a smile to hide his concerns. “But he can’t do this alone. No doctor is going to break with the rules and do what Jack wants. He can’t have that much power over someone.”

(currently…)

Lisa tried to get close, “Terry, what’s wrong?” But Terry got up and left the room.

She followed quickly afterwards, “What happened? You’re leaving something out!”

“He… well, he did something to me.”

“Like what?” Fearfully she quickly reached down and felt him down below, worried that maybe she was completely wrong and that something had happened. Terry tried to pull away, but the wall was behind him and she laid her hand upon him; stopped, and then felt around again. There wasn’t a bulge down there. The only thing she felt was a maxi-pad with nothing underneath. She screamed, “Oh SHIT!”

Terry pulled away from her and ran back into his room, slamming the door.

(previously…)

“Jack, look, I’m telling you that I don’t know anything about this sort of thing.”

Jack sat and continued his appeal to the man wearing a white coat on the other side of the desk at the doctor’s office. “I realize that. I didn’t think this was something you’d know about. After all, it isn’t all that common. But listen. Hear me out. I’ve lined up another physician who is going to handle the main work on this. He’s on the other side of the state, but he’s covered on this. He’s an expert. You only have to be his local person who does the physical things he can’t do over the phone.”

“I don’t know. It seems bizarre. I mean, I heard about this in school and all. It’s on the talk shows now, so I have even heard some collogues mention it at a symposium. But here in our town? I don’t know Jack. If something goes wrong, we’ll have to have your friend be on retainer through all the proceedings and available for emergencies. The last thing I want is something to go to hell with the whole thing and have someone die on me because I didn’t know what I was doing.”

Jack nodded, glancing at the doctor’s name on the desk plaque. It was a gift that he had given the good doctor a few years ago in appreciation for some work he had done for him. Discretion was always appropriate in medical situations, which is one of the main reasons he liked good old Dr. Willingham, a man close in age to himself who understood the things that he was going through as his body aged. There’s one thing he didn’t appreciate. When a young doctor tried to tell you how you should be feeling and dismisses what you’re going through, because they themselves have never experienced it. It was all textbook to them. With the good doctor here though, it was experience and definitely competence that made him Jack’s favorite.

He paused before stating, “He’s going to be on retainer. I want you to talk to him. You’ve got questions, he’ll have answers. I don’t want you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. I want this to be on the up and up.”

Dr. Willingham accused, “You’ve got a habit of pushing people to do whatever you desire.”

“I like to think that they recognize the right thing to do. Most people are held back because of doubt, but remove that doubt and they can move forward.”

“Well I have doubt.”

“I can tell.”

“And you know me well enough to know that …”

“… no one pushes you around. Not even me.”

“Damn right!” the good doctor exclaimed.

“And you know that I bow to your expertise on things. Hell, I’ve even started to exercise more and you know I don’t like it.”

“You mean you started to exercise some. Playing golf isn’t exercise. Especially the way you play.”

Jack held up his hands, “Guilty. So are you in or out?”

“I’m in. I’ll do what is needed. I’ll get with your expert and we’ll hash out the details of what needs to be done. Who is paying for all this? Insurance sure the hell won’t and I doubt your little cookie has the cash to do this on hand.”

“No, she’s young and fresh out of school. I’m covering things. I’m billing her a portion, so that she feels like she’s contributing, but I’m going to carry the lion’s share on this.”

“Special project?”

Jack nodded.

“You know, these special projects of yours are always a pain in the ass.”

“Yes, I know. Still, I can’t sit on the sidelines when someone needs help. I don’t advertise what I do, you know that. I figure that someone in this world has to be there for those that need something.”

“Yes, I know. Jack, you’ve done some amazing charitable work and…”

“Shut up Bill. You know that I’m not in it for the praises. And if you have a critique about it, you’ve already told me.”

(currently…)

“Terry? Terry!” Lisa hammered on the door again. She’d been at it for awhile now and was very worried. She could hear him inside now and then; crying, moving around, telling her to fuck off. She was getting more worried now because he was so quiet. She’d welcome something, anything!

“Look, if you don’t open this door I’m going to call the fire department and we’ll break this door down. Listen, I’m worried about you. I need to know you’re okay?” She had started crying herself. She nearly jumped out of her skin when the door clicked and Terry opened it, looking at her with such despair.

“What’s going on? What happened?”

He yelled at her, “Fine!” Then he dropped his shorts, panties and all, stepping out of them.

At first she looked at him confused at what it was she was looking at. “Where’s…” There wasn’t any blood that she could see, or any stitches. He had a very flat front though.

“He shoved my goddamn balls into my body and made it look like I’m a girl down there!”

“How in the world?” She got down on her knees and close enough to see what had happened. Sure enough, she could see it now. Everything was still there, but it was hidden. No, not hidden, arranged so that it looked more like a woman’s. It was the most bizarre thing she had ever seen.
“How in the world did he do that?”

“Ice. And pushing. He showed me how to do it all too. Made sure I could do it myself. He said he got this whole thing from another doctor working with him on my case. He applied some glue type stuff down there. It will come free in about a day. He doesn’t want me to do this all the time, but he is showing me how to do it so that in case I need to hide myself better, I have the ability too.”

“Dear God. Does it hurt?”

“It’s very uncomfortable. But I have to wait until tomorrow night to undo it all. By then I probably won’t notice it.”

“Holy crap!”

“Yah.”

“You know, this isn’t so bad. With this, you could wear something tighter and it wouldn’t show. Like jeans. Or even a swim suit! We could go swimming!”

“You know Lisa? Sometimes you say the must stupid things.”

“What? I like swimming!”

Terry held back and finally relented, “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just… well, that’s not all he did.”

“He did more?” She quickly looked for something else. No, he hadn’t grown boobies or anything like that. What was it that the doctor could have done? She had Terry spin around while she looked him over, finally spotting two small band-aids on his rear. “Wait, did he give you a shot?”

Terry slumped and nodded, finally saying, “Yes he gave me some shots.”

“What kind of shots?”

“I’m not sure. He said it would help me settle down some.”

“Why didn’t you ask him?”

Terry started crying again, “Because I didn’t know what else to do! I don’t know what he did, okay? He could have given me a shot for something else. Or it could have been nothing, like some sort of joke. It has to be a joke. He can’t have possibly given me the kind of shot that turns me into a girl!” He found himself unable to hold still, though he tried. He felt like he was throwing some sort of childish fit.

“Oh God, Jack is one sick … !” Lisa stood up again and angrily paced around.

“What?”

“Obviously, it’s what you said last week. Either he’s doing something good for you or he’s testing you. He can’t give you female shots yet, right? So he’s obviously trying to make you run. He’s testing you just like you said he would.”

“Yah, but why would he give me these shots?”

“It’s got to be something that’s harmless. He is testing you. He has to be. God, he is one sick mother …”

(across town the night before …)

Jack went over the reports while the ball game played on the TV. His team was way behind and it was the bottom of the eighth, so it wasn’t like he was missing much there.

“So what do we have here?” He marked items in the margin, trying to figure things out. That Tammy was all girl at work was no doubt and even though her therapist was completely on her side, he still kept coming back and questioning the whole thing. He frowned at himself. Normally he was a cut and dried type of man. It was either this or that. But he knew that nothing ever really fit that way. There was always something in between. There was always room for doubt or something that didn’t quite fit the mold.

Thankfully no one ever saw him like this. He was very careful to hide the fact that he wasn’t always the calm, decisive leader everyone thought he was.

Fact’s remained. Tammy looked and acted like a woman. She did everything a woman was expected to do. But there were times where she didn’t seem to be a woman. At her home, she would go without makeup. What woman goes without makeup? Okay, that wasn’t right of him to think that way. A woman wasn’t always in makeup. His own wife, God rest her soul, didn’t always dress up. She had her down times too. Maybe that’s what this was, Tammy’s down times?

But if Tammy was a woman, even if she took downtimes, she would wear things that made her look like a woman. And here was some photos of Tammy with a very male like chest. Times when Tammy wasn’t wearing women’s clothing, but what looked to be things from when she was a man. There were times where she could be seen being quite manly, her hair covered in a cap, no padding, no bumps, nothing. It was like sometimes on Saturday when her roommate wasn’t at home, she’d spend time being as manly and as male as possible.

So, what was going on here? Was Tammy real? Was Tammy having doubts? Or was Tammy only shedding her clothes for a short while to relax when it wouldn’t bother that stylist girl she roomed with? It couldn’t be comfortable under all that padding she wears and the other stuff that women wear. But if Tammy was a girl, and wanted to be all girl, all the way, all the time …. Wouldn’t she be a girl every single moment?

He pulled up the phone over, pulling the cord to give him some extra room, and made a call to the specialist. Maybe they shouldn’t move forward. He had gotten the specialist to agree to all of this by subterfuge. He had even gotten a letter of transitioning sent to the specialist well before it was time. Something made a little easier by the therapist being so decisive early on. It shouldn’t be hard to direct him to take it a little more cautiously. Maybe instead of giving Tammy hormones, they could give her something harmless instead. Like a placebo. That would work. This way, if Tammy committed herself without a problem to the treatment, then it was the real deal. And if she balked, then something else was going on.

He rubbed his head as he waited on the call to be answered. This whole thing was giving him a headache. He wasn’t feeling well at all.

(two days later…)

“Mr. Corwin, it is good to see you again sir. How are you today?” Alice asked as she rose from her desk.

“Fine. Whatever it was, it was temporary.”

“It must be going around, Tammy was out as well yesterday.”

“Well if I remember right, she has today off today?”

“Yes sir. Some medical appointment or something that she needed. Honestly I don’t understand why she has the whole day off because of a doctor’s appointment.”

“That’s alright. Come with me Alice, I need to talk privately with you about something.”

Alice made a quick call to Florence and routed Jack’s calls to her office temporarily, then followed Jack into his office.

Jack directed her not to sit in her usual chair across the desk from him, but to the sitting area where she sat in the chair next to the couch. “What is it Mr. Corwin? What can I help you with?”

“Well, it’s all about Tammy I’m afraid.”

“Oh? Has there been problems with her work? She seems to be doing quite well.”

“How well is she doing?”

“Well, she’s still fairly new, but she’s picked up a lot in her first month here. I’d say she’s done very well for herself.”

“Good, good.” Jack thumped his hand on the sofa’s arm rest. He had to be careful in what he said, mindful of what the therapist had told him about Tammy’s views on what was happening at the office. The comment about how Tammy was sleeping around to get the job was ludicrous, but sometimes people were that stupid. “Tammy is causing me some problems.”

“Yes?”

“Well, it is nothing work wise mind you. I haven’t had any complaints about her work. And you and Florence have done a fantastic job of filling in any deficiencies that might have arisen while Tammy is getting up to speed. I’m very proud of all the work everyone has done. I’m also very pleased with your performance in Nancy’s place.”

Alice felt her mind go into shock. Jack never ever complimented any of the secretaries that she had heard of in her entire time of working at W, G, & D. She found her voice at last, “Thank you sir. I … well, I’m glad we’ve been able to do a good job for you.”

“Quite. I do appreciate it. But, Tammy’s time with us as a temporary is coming to a close. In two or four weeks from now, depending on when Nancy wants to return, Tammy is going to find her temporary status completed. I don’t know what to do with her at that point. She’s good enough, you’ve said, that she’ll be a benefit to the company. Still, we don’t have an executive secretary position open for her to fill. I’m not sure how she will do if we move her down to the secretary pool, or if the other ladies will be as accepting of her as you and the rest of the staff have been.”

Feeling only a slight bit of guilt at his statement, she tried to make him feel better for it. “Well, there will be friction, that’s for certain. But I think she’ll do find with the adjustment. The problem is, sir, there isn’t an available desk for her. We are at full staff. The economy, being what it is, has certainly given us a very stable workforce.”

“Indeed. Good ol’ Reagonomics has not pulled us out of the slump we’re in currently. That is what has me worried. We don’t really have a place for her at this time. I don’t want to release her, because she’s not likely to get a job out there. And I desire that she is taken care of in this regard.”

“Mr. Corwin, I’m sorry, but while I appreciate your concern for her, do you feel it is wise to upset the company for one temporary employee?”

“At times, yes. And this goes no further than this room here. Are you able to keep a secret?”

“Of course, sir. You can count on my confidence in all matters.”

“Well, you see, Tammy has a situation. She’s got … medical issues. I want to keep her employed so that she’s able to have these issues attended to. How do I put this? She’s … “

(currently…)

Terry stared up at the ceiling as he laid in bed. Lisa had been quite clear about the whole thing. Take time to relax today, but not to do any “boy time”.

So he laid there in bed, wearing a very silky nightgown from Lisa’s drawers. Glancing down, he was very aware that beyond not having much of a waist or hips, he looked every inch a girl with his flat front and his glued on prosthetics on his chest. He felt very fresh and soft today, after all the pampering Lisa had done on him the night before to calm him down. And even though he was still very much tucked into place down below, she had given him a very enjoyable and relaxing time.

He looked at the ceiling again, and repeated himself, “It has to be a joke. It has to be. He couldn’t have done …. It has to be a joke.”

Terry’s last four weeks have been difficult, but now the maternity leave is over and he’s out of work. But never fear, he will be taken care of.

Terry looked closely at himself in the bathroom mirror, turning slightly here and then there, before grabbing a small hand mirror, turning around, and using it to check out his backside. He didn’t seem any different even with the panties pulled up or down. Experimenting, he shook his bottom a little and satisfied, he tried the same with his chest, but the falsies he had glued on kept interfering with his ability to tell if anything was happening. He laid the mirror down with a sigh. Every day now for the last week he had been checking himself out this way in the morning and in the evening. Beyond the fact that his waist was a little smaller than it used to be, he couldn’t really see any changes from day to day, except maybe he had more hips today. That might be true. He looked at them again, using his hands to prod, poke, and smooth around them. As worried as he was, he started to get a little turned on at the girl in the mirror.

At least that part of him was still functioning normally, even if it was his image in the mirror that was turning him on. And if he could turn himself on, he was probably turning on other guys as well. For many really good reasons, that was not comforting. Yet, it was good in one way. Maybe satisfying too. No, no, definitely not satisfying. It was only good in the respect that if he looked good as a woman, than people would see him as a woman and not as some guy in a dress. To maintain the masquerade required people to believe in the illusion.

Gently shaking his head, he went back to getting dressed for the day. Despite Lisa’s advice and insistence for what he should wear today, he felt like rebelling, so he wasn’t going to wear a matching bra. In fact, he was going to dress a little more free altogether, going against the rigid dress code, even in the small way he was doing, felt like a wonderful thing. What would they do? Fire him? Not likely. Today was THE DAY. The final day.

After his long girdle was padded out giving him his hips and rear, he slipped on the full slip and then a red shirtwaist dress, buttoning up the many buttons in the front and tying the matching belt on front. He slipped on his rings and a large necklace that matched his dangling earrings. Examining himself in the mirror, he was satisfied that he hadn’t messed up his makeup or his hair. A quick spray of his perfume and he was ready. His purse and heels were waiting for him in the living room.

He walked out quietly and looked at Lisa still sleeping in their bed. She looked so beautiful, even with her hair going every which way. He wanted to give her a kiss goodbye for the day, but he had already done so when he had gotten up for the day. She might wake up if he did it now, but still she was worth the risk. Grinning, his stocking feet padded over to her side of the bed and he carefully leaned in, his polished nails holding his necklace to his chest as he planted a gentle kiss on her cheek, causing her to stir slightly. He leaned back and grinned as he saw that his lipstick had left a beautifully defined red pucker mark where she would see it when she woke up for her day at work. He’d repair his lipstick in the living room before he left.

She had been so wonderful to him all this last month. Patient, kind, willing to rub his feet after a long hard day. Putting up with his worries and anxieties. He quickly padded out of the room and pulled the door mostly closed and made it to the kitchen before he started to cry. He hated when he cried.

Life was just hard at times. All this stress. Every single day worrying about everything that was going on around him. Worrying that he was getting comfortable with the way things were. Wondering when he’d be able to break free and then wondering what he’d do if he got free before he was ready?

That was probably his biggest worry right now. Today was his last day at work, but he wasn’t sure what he’d do tomorrow. He wasn’t sure what he’d be able to get away with after today.

“Hello Tammy. How are you doing today?” Dr. Willingham asked as he walked into the examination room, closing the door behind him.

Terry took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. “Um, fine doctor. Why did you need to see me again so soon?”

The graying physician looked confused for a moment, not sure what the issue was or specifically, why Tammy didn’t understand why she was here. “I thought I had explained that earlier?”

“You did?” Terry shifted uncomfortably in the chair, worried about what might be going on. This was his last day of employment, so he was concerned at what might be going on now.

“I understand. You are probably wondering what’s going to happen to you after today. I thought that Jack… um, Mr. Corwin had explained to you that he’d make sure you were taken care of?”

“Oh, he did sir. Sorry I must have forgotten. I mean, I remember him telling me that and all, but I really… well, I’m not sure what we’re really doing here and all that.”

“Don’t worry so much about things. A pretty young woman like you shouldn’t concern herself so much with things like this. Mr. Corwin has explained to me exactly what I’m to do and how I’m supposed to do it.”

“He has?” That didn’t sound well. Four days previously Terry had been here and had his blood drawn for more lab work. He knew that if Mr. Corwin was still testing him, he’d have to be put through the procedures as if everything was really happening. But if he wasn’t testing him, he’d be go through the exact same sort of procedures he was going through now. He couldn’t tell which way he was really going, the fake or the real.

“You know, Jack really cares deeply about you.” The doctor put the folder down on the table behind him. “He looks at you and what you’re going through as a personal testament of the strength of your character.”

“He… he does?”

“Yes he does. He and I go back a long ways and I’ve been on the inside of many of the things he has done to help others out. And to test to see if they are really who or what they say they are…” He sighed, “He is the type of guy who invests in people. And at times he’s been fooled, which he really doesn’t like to admit to, but it happens. So he will sometimes go through very elaborate set ups to make sure that the person he is going to help really deserves his help.”

“But I thought that he was… I mean, all the things he’s been doing aren’t real?” I was feeling the weight fly off of my chest. I started to sniffle at the relief I was feeling. It had all been a test and he wasn’t really doing anything to me other than making me live as a woman. None of these doctor visits were really real.

“Don’t get me wrong.”

The good feeling started to depart rapidly as he kept speaking.

“Please, have a tissue. What I mean is that his intent to help people is real. And in some cases, he’ll move heaven and earth to push things where they need to go. He’s not afraid to invest his time or his money in someone he believes in.”

“So he believes in me?”

“I think he wants to believe in you. He has doubts. Frankly, I think he’s nuts myself. If you were fully under my care without his input, we wouldn’t be talking about doubts. I see you before me. I understand full well that you intend for this to happen. That this is your real desire. You are without a doubt a woman who is trying to correct what went wrong.”

“Oh…”

“But Jack…. Well, he means well and if it was something like cancer, we wouldn’t have any problems at all. He would make certain that you would have every possible medical treatment that we could give you. But this whole transsexual thing is out of his league, so you can understand his attitude. There are times he is fully on board and other times he wonders and tries to figure out if you really are a fraud.”

I had grabbed a few more tissues at this. I couldn’t understand what exactly he was saying, but I was getting the idea now. The doctor was letting me know that Jack was testing me still and that the doctor himself felt it was pointless to test. Great, I had convinced the doctor, but not Jack. And I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or bad thing.

I guess it was good that what Lisa and I were trying to do with this whole stupid thing was working on the doctor and such, but it wasn’t working really well on Jack. If he didn’t know which way we were really going, I was going to have to continue to sell it so that he wouldn’t doubt so much. We couldn’t afford Mr. Corwin to suddenly decide we were faking after all this time. He could easily destroy what we had in this town. He probably would even have us arrested for fraud or something.

“Anyway, I’m sorry that this is upsetting you. I know it is rough. The more I study this situation, the more I realize how traumatic it is for people to live with it. Anyway, the standards of care require that you have therapy for about a half a year or so before we do anything. I’m sorry that it has to be that way.”

I felt like hugging him and giving him a huge kiss. Which would be so damn gay that it made me a little sick to my stomach.

“This must be like a cancer on your soul. And as I said, cancer we can treat immediately. No reservations and we’ll do what we must, rules be damned. But that is not how the standards see this.”

“I understand doctor.” I could barely make myself talk I was so incredibly happy. “I get the point you are making and I really appreciate everything you are doing.”

“Good. I can see that you are getting the point. I’m glad you and I have had this talk. Now you know what we’re doing here for real, you can be certain that when the time comes, you’ll already be well past ready and we could really hurry things along then. Now what we did last visit was check your blood levels to see how well the previous shots went. We’ll do the same again in three months. During this time, you’ll not notice anything out of the ordinary of course. There might be some side effects from the vitamin shots I’m going to give you, but this is expected.”

I looked at him with the question in my eyes and he smiled and winked. “You know, typical girl things like baking cookies, shopping, and gossip. Nothing to worry about though. Remember what we talked about? We’re only doing what we need to do. So when a year is up officially, you’ll be well along the way to going to the next step.”

Terry frowned at the suggested side effects. Was that really possible once he really went on hormones? From what he had read in the library, from his meager understandings, was that the changes were biological and not such bizarre and frankly, ridiculous type of effects he was talking about. He could possibly see someone being happy after having been started on this road if that was their true desire or if their body really did need to be operating with the different set of hormones, but to want to bake cookies? Go shopping? If it was a joke, it wasn’t a good one. At least he felt calmer now about what the doctor was really doing. It was obvious now. Dr. Willingham was playing the game that Mr. Corwin wanted, to test him to see if he was true. Even though the good Doctor was convinced, though falsely, of Terry’s desire to be a girl, he couldn’t go against the standards. So all this was another lie. A pretence to keep everyone happy. And to keep Terry happy, the good man had told him that if he, or in the doctor’s eyes she, was patient, then the time would come with the actual drugs would be administered. Oh, if Mr. Corwin knew that the doctor had told him this, there would probably be hell to pay.

Still, even though that weight had been lifted from his shoulders, he still had to worry about how to pay the doctor even though he wasn’t really doing anything. “Okay. Um, I’m not sure if I’ll have a job in three months. I don’t know how I’ll keep the appointment if I can’t pay for it.”

“Jack will find a way, believe me. Now let’s give you some,” he paused to cough, “vitamin shots. Everything about your blood work tells me that we’re good to continue.”

“Tammy? Are you okay?” asked Jack as they settled into the chairs back in his office. They had returned from a very nice lunch with the rest of the secretaries for the official send off.

Terry blotted his eyes again, trying not to ruin his mascara again. “Yes sir. I’m sorry, but I’ve been very emotional today.”

Jack’s voice soften. “I could tell you’ve been under a lot of stress this week. You seem to be having a very rough time of things.”

“Yes sir. I guess I have been out of sorts.” He wanted to scream, ‘You try wearing a dress and pretending you’re a girl while your boss is tricking you into thinking you’re getting hormone shots!’

“Well, I want you to know that I’ve been working in the background on your behalf.”

Terry did his best to show the right amount of surprise. He thought, ‘Of course you’ve been working in the background on everything.’ Out loud he asked, “What do you mean, sir?”

“Well, we don’t have any openings here. If we did, you would be first in line. Well, except for that beginning position in the mechanical group, but you wouldn’t have like that. Too much math and dirty machines and all.”

He wanted to yell, but he didn’t. Jack was right about one thing, he wouldn’t have enjoyed working there as ‘Tammy’. Terry wouldn’t have minded, but they wouldn’t have been getting him. They would have gotten ‘her’.

“In any event, I’ve been trying to find another job for you. I’m afraid that with the economy as it is, Reagonomics and all, the jobs are way too few. What does pop up has a lot of applicants and they typically can get someone with a lot of experience for nothing. But I have been trying to pull in a few favors where I have them, or use my influence where it might be of use. Yet I’m sad to report that I’ve not had any luck.”

Terry was relieved in one respect. Knowing Jack, he would have probably set Terry up in some sort of what he would consider a girl’s dream job. A job might be a job, but some things were not worth it. He swallowed, “I understand sir. And I do appreciate all the work you’ve done on my behalf.”

“Well, it’s not over yet. Come Monday, you are to report to the job services office and meet with Mrs. Taylor. She will process your application for unemployment. She’ll also enter you into their job search programs and give you the details on how to use their services.”

“Thank you sir.”

He looked a little troubled as he paused and fiddled for a moment. I could tell he wanted to give me more advice, but he wasn’t sure where to go with it.

“One of the big problems we’re having here is your name.”

Now my surprise was genuine. “My name?”

“Yes. I know that you prefer to be called Tammy and not Terry, but it could be far worse. You could have a name like Fred or Roger or something macho like. Still Terry connects you to your past and I’m not sure if that’s really what you want.”

“Sir?”

“I know it is early yet, but if you want to change your name legally to Tammy, I have all the paper work ready for you. I had originally thought I could do it as a gift to you before you left, but I found out that I was unable to do anything more than this. Still, it’s what I could do.”

‘CRAP!’

“So you should find it in the mail by tomorrow or Monday and if you want to take this next step, I’ll do what I can to help you make it happen. If you want to wait, I guess I can understand that too. Still, it is harder right now to talk to others about ‘Tammy’ when you’re really ‘Terry’. I guess having a name that could be taken both ways is helpful in this.”

I nodded. I didn’t trust myself to speak.

“And now you might be worried about how you can continue your journey if you aren’t employed here. I want you to know that I’m going to be watching you and helping you when and where you need it. I will not take ‘no’ for an answer on this. So you will continue your doctor appointments and if you need a special appointment, do it. I’ll make sure the bills are paid.”

“Mr. Corwin, I really appreciate this. But I don’t know how I could ever repay you on any of this. It is really far too much for me to accept no matter how generous you feel it is.”

“Nonsense. I’m not giving you a free ride. I’m giving you a sort of a loan. There is one thing I know about in life, is that people who receive free rides do not appreciate the struggle it takes to obtain what they are given without the accompanying hardship. Life is about hardship. Plain and simple. But, it doesn’t need to be insurmountable hardship. So you will struggle still to meet the demands for things, but you won’t find it unbearable. If you do, we’ll arrange for some additional loans, if you really are giving it your all. Eventually later in life you’ll find that you’ll be able to pay back what I’m doing now. At that time, you will pay it back. So don’t give me any excuses about having a debt. Debt is another part of life. We all owe people that we could never truly pay back. Heck, one might think you don’t want the help the way you’ve gone on about it to me in the past.”

I had practiced for this and stated as confidently as I could, “No sir. I am very grateful for all you are doing. I’m very happy that you are helping me on my journey. If I could repay you now, I would. And if you think of anything I could do for you, let me know and I would do it. And I do mean anything.”

For a change, I had done something that shut Jack up. He sat there and chewed over what I had said. “I appreciate it, I really do. I, um, appreciate what you are saying, but I don’t think… Well, I’m not saying it isn’t tempting, because you are really quite beautiful, but I’m far too old to be doing that sort of thing with someone so young. I hope you understand.”

As he spoke, it puzzled me why he would be so uncomfortable as to why he wouldn’t want to accept my aid in anything. I mean, I would do what I could for him for the simple reason that it would keep him from being suspicious about what my intentions were about everything. It wasn’t like I wanted to really become a girl, but I wasn’t going to do anything to tell him the truth.

And then it hit me.

Oh hell.

I didn’t mean it that way.

Oh crap!

I started to cry all over again. I was so embarrassed about it all and there was no way I could recover what I had said. He actually thinks now that I would do …

I couldn’t look at him

“Tammy, please. It isn’t that I find you attractive. You are very attractive and I know that you’ll find a man that you will please and give great comfort to. I’m honored, but I’m just not that man.”

“I understand,” I mumbled. “I’m sorry. I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’m going to go now, if that’s okay.”

“It’s okay. Please, take the rest of the day off. I’m very sorry.”

“Thank you… Excuse me please.” And I dashed out of the door as fast as I could, gathering up my purse and trying not to bawl in front of everyone. Alice was very concerned and tried to get me to settle down, but I couldn’t stop crying and after hugging her, I headed out the door as fast as I could.

Lisa held the forms requesting my name change to Tammy and looked at me. “What the hell is all this?”

“Jack did it,” I confessed. “Cookie?” I offered her one of the ones I had finished baking. My first ever attempt at baking cookies and I thought I had done rather well. It hadn’t been a very good day, so I thought I would try something to cheer myself up and cookies were always something I enjoyed, though we didn’t have any at our apartment. Every morning was a bit of a struggle for me to get up and get going. I couldn’t revert back to being the old Terry because Jack could still be watching. Monday had been a very hard day what with meeting Mrs. Taylor at the job bureau. I had to explain to her why I was dressed and looking like I was even though my driver’s license and everything record wise said ‘Male’. I also had to explain the whole Tammy and Terry thing again. After much embarrassment, we had gotten to where she was going over all my forms and entering my information into their system so that I could find another job as a woman. That’s one of the things that frightened me still. I couldn’t get away from it all.

This morning I had gone shopping so that I could get out of the house. Yesterday wasn’t so bad because Lisa had Wednesdays off, so we ended up spending a lot of time together and she told me all the things she had been hearing at the salon about the people and places in town. She had put out feelers for me as well to see what sort of jobs were out there, and what places to avoid going to.

“You’re going to change your name to Tammy?” she asked as she took the cookie.

“NO. Of course not. That would be stupid wouldn’t it. I mean, when all this is done that would give Jack yet another way to find and track me down, right? I’d have to change it back and everything.”

“Yah, you’re right. Still, it might make life easier for you right now.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well, think about it. If you do change your name to Tammy, then what is Jack going to think? He’s going to really see that you are trying to do all of this.”

“No Lisa! NO!”

“Think about it. Right now you’re getting by okay, but this would be the major thing that would convince him. After that, you’d be free of his scrutiny.”

“Yah, but I’d also be known as Tammy. Everywhere! Including my driver’s license. Everything would be as Tammy!”

“Well, you’re Tammy right now, aren’t you?”

“No! Damn it NO! I know you want me to keep it up so that I don’t slip up when I go out there, but NO! My name is Terry. I’m Terry, okay? I am not Tammy!”

I ran out of the kitchen and slammed the door to the bedroom, crumpling up on the bed and screamed into my pillow. I wasn’t Tammy. I wasn’t.

Well, I was, but I didn’t want to be Tammy. Did she not see how everything kept removing bits and pieces of me? I was losing Terry with everything that happened. I couldn’t be Tammy legally. It was like saying I was really dead and that Tammy was the real thing. I just couldn’t go through with that. I couldn’t.

And yet, I knew it made the most sense for me to do.

Stop the world, I want to get off!

I walked through the few people remaining who were trying to get into their seats. My personal assigned seat was right on the aisle, front row, so it was a little bit of a struggle to make it all the way there in time. Sitting down, I glanced to my right down the row of seats of people, some families with small children, like the rest of the audience, so it wasn’t too bad. Pretty normal I supposed. Unlike most of the audience, I was a member of the show and I had a role to play. I wasn’t too certain what my role was. Maybe I was a singer? Maybe I performed a speaking role or something? It seemed strange that I didn’t know what my part in this whole performance was going to be, but I found it to be far more important that I was in my seat and ready than what it was I was supposed to be doing.

The seat’s back scratched a little on my bare skin. For a change I wasn’t going as ‘Tammy’, but as my very welcomed male self. I maneuvered myself so that I wasn’t sitting square, but at an angle to the seat’s back to reduce my contact with it. That’s when I realized my pants were unzipped and not fastened, nor was my belt buckled. In fact may pants had fallen far down past my waist, exposing my black, shiny nylon panties. The lace details along the sides was fully exposed; as was the top part of my leg where the panties ended. These were not, as Lisa called them, grandma’s panties, but skimpy and sexy panties meant for an attractive young woman.

I couldn’t move much though, as the show had already started. The lights were still up, which was required for a show such as this, and I could tell that anyone on the other side of the aisle looking my way would be able to see my underwear quite well. I reached down and tugged at my pants to pull them up, but I wasn’t able to stand up or make much movement without attracting further attention. Plus I knew in my heart if I stood up, I’d flash everyone around me before I would be able to bring my pants fully up.

I looked behind me and I could tell someone had started to point my way…

“Tammy, when are you going to wake up?” Lisa nagged. “It’s afternoon already!”

I blinked a few times, still concerned with the people who were watching me struggle to hide my panties before I realized I wasn’t in the theatre anymore. I wasn’t sitting down. I was in bed. I wasn’t even wearing panties, nor anything else for that matter. It had been a fun night with Lisa and I wasn’t quite ready to get up.

I mumbled something to her. The intelligence of my reply didn’t make it through the mumble though, and she turned angrily away and left the room, slamming the door behind her.

I sighed deep into the pillow and waited for a bit, trying to store my energy up. I turned over after finally getting enough to do so and looked at the clock. Damn. It was late. I really needed to get up and get moving.

I laid there waiting for … I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to get up. I knew that once I did get up, I’d be able to move through the day, but inertia kept me from beginning that epic journey. But for now I was fine with laying there and watching the clock slowly change the digital display as the minutes went by.

It hasn’t been easy for me recently.

Kimberly got up and answered her door, “Hey Lisa, what’s up?”

“I need someone to complain to.” Lisa pushed past and hurriedly sat down on the couch.

She turned from the door and stared at her as she sat there. “Oooo-Kay. Tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s Terry. She’s being a real pain.”

“Terry? Not Tammy?”

“We’re not at my home so I can call her what I want.”

“Her?”

Lisa slammed her arms down on the couch, “Damn it Kimmie! You know what I mean.”

Sitting down, Kimberly ignored the outburst. “So tell me what’s going on.”

“Terry is … God, I don’t know where to begin.”

“Do you need a beer?”

“Hell Yes.”

Lisa was gone by the time I had gotten dressed. We weren’t having the best of times lately. I felt bad about it too, because it was all my fault. Every month I went and saw Dr. Willingham. Every month I also had to meet with my therapist. Every time I did I kept up the falsehoods they expected out of me. It had been four months worth since I had lost my job as Mr. Corwin’s secondary executive secretary.

Four months as things steadily got worse for me.

I was free, for the most part, of having to dress outwardly as a girl though. That was nice. Mostly nice that is. I wasn’t 100% free, which was the bad part about it all. So I couldn’t ditch everything like I wanted to. I still had to keep my hair in a relatively feminine cut. Since July, I had started to let it grow out again. I had hoped to achieve a little more masculine look by doing so, because with my last hairstyle, I looked like a woman no matter what I did. Bonnie though, had stopped supplying me with free services. I now had to pay for the pleasure of having her work with my hair every six weeks or so.

With my new cut, I could slick it back and get away with it. Not the ideal solution, but workable. I had been able to pass it off as ‘necessary’ to everyone out there involved in the whole ‘Tammy’ business because with my name as officially Terry and my sex, or gender as they tell me is the correct way to describe things, was thankfully still listed as ‘Male’, my search for employment would go better if I was able to apply as both ways. And I had. It took my seven weeks to find my current job. I went on the job hunt nearly daily all over town and even a few places close to town. Sometimes I went at Terry. Sometimes I went as Tammy. I went as whomever could get me a job.

Even though the world was supposed to be this enlightened, equal rights government ensured, and have unbiased people not only hiring you, but willing to help out a soul in need, I had found all that the world really was good at being was a hateful and phobic type of place.

When I did seem to get a good fit somewhere as Tammy, which were generally higher paying jobs than I could get as Terry, go figure that out, I couldn’t get into the door once they saw that ol’ M on the application. Even with Jack at times going to bat for me, it was always something along the lines of ‘not the best fit’ or ‘we would rather avoid the issues it might bring’.

Frankly I was happy as I could be for not working as ‘Tammy’. Except for one simple fact. With the right job Tammy could make a lot more money than Terry.

As Terry, I didn’t have any skills except my natural typing ability. I couldn’t even really use my employment history as ‘Tammy’ because they could try to verify and get the wrong person on the other end who would tell them that ‘Terry’ never worked there, but they had a ‘Tammy’ with the same last name. I might be paranoid, but I have had much of life going against me for the last year since my father left me. So to me perhaps being paranoid was warranted.

I finally pulled myself out of bed and dragged into the shower. I put myself on autopilot and started to get ready.

It was at last that I was able to find a job, and as Terry no less. It was hardly a decent job. The pay was terrible, barely allowing me to contribute my share of the rent and food. What was left over went towards keeping up my dual existence. A fact that hounded me often. The only real joy I had found since I had first become unemployed, was baking. When I first started baking, I wasn’t all that good. But I’ve gotten better. I also found that I could bake a dozen or so cookies and eat them all in the same day.

Lisa didn’t care for my new found baking passion. Frankly, I didn’t care if she didn’t like it. I enjoyed it. I deserved some sort of happiness. It was her fault in the first place that I was in this hell hole of a situation. So if she didn’t like it? I didn’t care.

I realized after I left the shower that I had shaved my legs and underarms again. I didn’t need to do that today. In fact, I wasn’t set to go job hunting as Tammy for another few days, so I certainly didn’t need to shave this soon. I looked at my face critically. I hadn’t had to shave my face much these days. Not that I had a lot to begin with, but now a days it seemed to take forever for something to come in. And I had to be careful if I did shave too. My skin seemed so much more tender than it used to be, thanks to all the lotions and creams I had to use. One thing was certain, my skin was a lot cleaner than it used to be. I hardly ever had any acne. I kept up on the demands of keeping my skin looking good.

Honestly it looked too good. With all the stuff I had been using, my skin looked like a girl sort of skin. My whole face was that way, more like a girl version of myself than boy version. Even without makeup. Frankly it caused me problems when I was in boy mode at times. But it was better in that it was even worse if I was in girl mode and didn’t look like a girl. I also didn’t like having to use a pound of foundation and other makeup to get by. So I guess it was middle ground.

Once out of the bathroom, I went to my drawers and pulled out some panties to wear. I didn’t really have briefs anymore, and I never like boxers. I had a laugh to myself when I saw I was wearing the same black panties that I had dreamed about earlier. Good thing I wasn’t going to be letting my pants down for anyone to see.

With white socks, my polyester pants, and my button down white shirt, I was ready to hit the door. If I hurried, I could get something to eat before my shift started, maybe a double bacon cheese burger with extra fries. I grabbed my heavy jacket, the most masculine one I had actually. I had picked it up at a salvation army store back in October. Plus I grabbed my uniform hat and apron. I almost took my purse before I realized what I was doing. I pulled my shoes out of the tote Lisa required me to keep them in, and put them on. They smelled like fast food. The grease I dealt with every shift had made them unusable anywhere else. They were my last pair of boy shoes too. Thus with everything in hand, I headed out.

“So tell me what Terry is doing that’s so wrong?” Kimberly put her empty can next to the others. “What has our wayward girl been doing? Did she steal your boyfriend or something?”

“That’s not funny. It isn’t easy you know, to have your boyfriend pretending to be a girl.”

“I can’t imagine. Especially since he’s doing it all to protect you.”

“Don’t go there!”

“So what is he doing that is so horrible?”

“Well, for one… he lays around all the time. He comes home from his shift and takes a shower and washes his clothes, then he either goes straight to bed or sits on the couch and watches TV or just… sits there.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.”

“He does it all the time. I mean, it’s like today. He has to go to work, but he won’t get out of bed.”

“What, is he sick or just tired?”

“I thought he was tired at first. You know he works hard, he really does. But it’s like he doesn’t care about stuff. He doesn’t even seem to care about me.”

“Lisa, that boy loves you. I know that. I’ve seen it. The way he looks at you? Damn, he’s in head over heels.”

“That’s what he USED to do. I… I don’t think he loves me anymore.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, we used to do things together. Even after all this stuff happened, we’d hang out together and be silly. He would even let me do crazy shit to him because he liked having fun with me. Now he seems like a lump. All he does is eat and sleep. He eats all the time too. He makes cookies and cakes and eats them all by himself. I rarely have any of it. Yet he’s making it almost daily and then he eats it. I don’t always see him eat it, but whatever he makes seems to disappear the next time I look.”

“Sounds to me like Terry is in a rut.”

“A rut? What rut? He actually has to do things to be in a rut.”

“Okay, let me try something here. So he’s a guy, right?”

Lisa warily answered, “Yah.”

“A guy that is dressing like a girl nearly every hour of every day. Before he got this fast food job, he really did not get to dress or act like a guy at all, because you guys felt like you were being watched and maybe even bugged? Tell me, what would you feel like if you had to pretend to be a guy all the time?”

“I don’t see that as being a big deal.”

“You know, if you think about it, after a while you’d feel kind of down about it. You wouldn’t be able to do anything that you really liked doing, because you wouldn’t fit in anymore. You and I couldn’t hang out because you’d be a guy and as a girl I wouldn’t want to hang out with you all the time. Hell, no one would want to hit on me or ask me out on dates if I was always with some dude.”

“So you’re saying that he’s sad because he’s got to dress like a girl all the time?” Lisa asked, annoyed at where this was going.

“Pretty much. I don’t know if it is the dressing itself that is bothering him, but I would think that it does in some way. More to the point, he’s not able to do any guy things. He doesn’t really look like a guy most of the time. He can’t hang out with other guys. His only friend in the world is you and, I know this isn’t kind, but you only will treat him like a girl. You’re so scared that you two will be found out that you aren’t even letting him have a rest when you guys are in your apartment. He’s got to be a girl all the time. And how do you think Terry handles it when his girlfriend wants him to be a girl all the time? Treats you like a girl all the time? Calls you ‘Tammy’? Calls you ‘she’ or ‘her’ not only to him, but to everyone else? Like, talks to her best friend as if he was a girl… all the time. When we would go out together, he had to act like a girl around you. He couldn’t hold your hand or put his arm around you. He had to go along and do whatever you wanted him to do.”

Kimberly continued, snapping her fingers at the thought, “It’s like he’s stuck his head in the sand and is trying to make the world go away.”

Lisa sat back and moped, “So I’m the bad person in all of this?”

“No, I’m not saying you’re a bad person. I think that you’ve forgotten that he’s a man, your man actually. That he’s doing this for you. And himself now. He’s cut off from everything that used to define him as a guy. And you’ve gotten to where you accept him as a girl.”

“Maybe you’re right. But I can’t reverse that, not yet at least. He’s got to be a girl for everyone right now. It’s part of the whole mess!”

“Yah, I know. But what can you do to spend time with him? What sorts of things can you do together with him, even if he was in girl mode, that might make him feel a little better about things? Maybe something that would even be a little manly from time to time?”

“I don’t know. Honestly I can’t think of anything we used to do before all this happened that was really manly. He always seemed to have fun doing the things I liked to do, like going to clubs and hanging out together. I guess we could start there.”

“Terry! If you keep eating like this, you’re going to get even fatter!”

I had just dragged into the house after my Monday shift, my double cheese burger in hand. It had been another rotten day and I felt like eating, showering, and then going to bed.

“I’m not fat,” I grumbled. I put my food down and bent over to take off my shoes and put them in the tote.

“Oh yeah? You’re big enough in the butt. Your pants are stretching pretty tight.”

“If I was fat, it would be in the gut, not my rear.”

“Well, it’s definitely in your ass.”

“No, it’s these cheap pants. They’ve shrunk. Look at the length of them, they are shorter now than they were when I first got them. I guess I have to get new pants soon.”

“Why don’t we do that today? Let’s go out and get you some pants. And, you can go out as Terry since you’ll be shopping for some guy clothes.”

“I don’t have any money for new clothes.”

“My treat then. I can afford a few things.”

Lisa looked at me when I came out of the changing room. “So what’s the problem?”

“None of these pants fit. They are too big in either my waist or my rear.”

“What do you mean?”

“If I get them to fit my waist, they are too tight in my butt. If I get them to fit my butt, they are too loose in the waist. I don’t get it.”

“Here, lemme try something. Wait here, okay?”

“I can’t believe I’m having to wear girl’s pants now.”

“I told you. All those cookies and the cake and stuff you’re eating are making you fat.”

“They aren’t! If it was making me fat, they would be in my belly, not my ass.”

“Tammy… er, Terry, come here.” She had me stand in front of her, pulling my white work shirt out of my pants and lifting it up a little higher. Then she had me turn around and face the mirror as she held tight onto my shirt. “See?” she said, “Look there. You’re wearing girls pants and they fit you. Well, they’re not a great fit, but they are better than your regular pants. See, they fit your waist still and they’re only a little loose in the hips. Overall a much better fit than your old pants.”

“Oh shit.” Then it dawned on me, “The girdle and stuff I’ve got to wear whenever I’m not working. I bet it is, like, pushing my body down from my stomach to my bottom.”

“Do you think so? Really? That might be it, you know.”

“Yah. That’s probably it. Damn. Hey, how do I fit my wallet in here? These pockets are way too small.”

“So tell me again why the hell am I dressing like this?” Terry did his best sultry pose before Kimberly and Lisa as they were getting ready by the large mirror in the bedroom.

Lisa looked over and smiled. This was the most animated she had seen him in some time. Even though they weren’t able to let him go out as a guy, he still seemed pretty excited to be going out to the club. Kimmie was right, Terry did need a night out with her to do fun things.

Kimberly talked between brush strokes, “Because it looks cute on you. That and you are hoping to score with some hot girl named Lisa.”

Lisa had convinced him to dress up and go with them to the club. He hadn’t been to any clubs with her since before all this began, so he was looking forward to going, even if he couldn’t go like he wanted to. And he had dressed up too in something like he had seen someone else wear sometime ago. She hadn’t picked anything out for him, this was all his choice this time. And he had gone all out for her. He was even wearing something sexy for her to find later. Hopefully she would like it. She always seemed to get a kick out of dressing him up in over the top type stuff.

And tonight he was being sexy for her. He had on a pair of black, high heel booties with silver buckles and a little fringe. Tucked into the boots were his tight acid wash jeans with the little ankle zips he had borrowed from the back of her closet and a black, bulky sweater that had big puffy sleeves he had rolled up on his arms. The large neckline barely hung on his shoulders and showed the straps of what he was wearing underneath the sweater, a black tank top that was made of some sort of shiny and slippery fabric. And under all that was something for Lisa to find out later. Because of the way the sweater hung long on him, he had pulled it up slightly with a broad leather belt that also had a silver buckle. Plus he had on several silver rings, bangles, and some hoop earrings that were way larger than any he had worn before. Almost fully two inches in diameter! He had done his makeup too, with a little help from Kimberly on his eyes. He still couldn’t do his eyes as well as she could. The rest of him though, was all his own work. And he actually felt proud of it.

They had gotten off the dance floor and made their way to the bar to get some drinks. Kimberly was still dancing with a guy she had met, so Lisa followed Terry and she couldn’t keep her eyes off of his butt. It seemed to move more naturally than she had ever seen it before. All that fat that had been pushed down from his waist to his hips was giving him a jiggle and a wiggle he never had before.

Suddenly a thought occurred to her. “Terry?” she pulled upon her boyfriend and got in close to his ear so she could be heard. “You’re not wearing any padding?”

He grinned and laughed at her surprise. “Yes, I’m wearing padding. Just not down there!” he teased. He turned and accidentally left her still staring in confusion at his retreating form.

Lisa saw that Terry didn’t need any padding in his hips anymore. They were still a little small compared to a normal girl’s, but he had curves that filled in the jeans naturally. And they moved like a regular woman’s. And his front side… It was flat like a woman’s. She had seen this before plenty of times when Terry was getting dressed and had tucked in especially well because of a tight skirt or something, but seeing him now, like this…. Suddenly Terry looked completely different.

When Lisa looked upon him again, she didn’t see Terry as a man. She couldn’t help seeing her as a woman.