I don't know what possessed me to do it. I never go out alone. Well, I never go out clubbing alone. But try as I might, I couldn't talk any of my girlfriends into a spontaneous night on the town. It probably didn't help that it was a Thursday and they all had work in the morning. Still, I had been working all day and I desperately needed a change of scene. So I made up my mind, tucked my pepper-spray into my purse, and decided to check out that new place that I'd been hearing about.

St@t!c was right on the edge of the north village.. In a kind of DMZ border zone between the hip gentrified tourist trap of oldetowne and the row houses that once housed the families of shipyard workers, but were now mostly off campus housing for students from the art college to the west and state tech a few miles east. It was an interesting social experiment, throwing the sports obsessed civil engineering and agriculture majors together with the design and drama kids from UAE - the loftily named 'University of Aesthetic Endeavor'. The students kidded that UAE really meant 'Unemployable Absolutely Everywhere'. But they all fought hard to be admitted, and no one ever thought of transferring. So a few blocks from this social stew of art nerds and blue collar jocks, in a neutral zone of a few blocks still mostly made up of muffler shops, nail salons, strip mall bail bondsmen and walk in law offices, someone got the brainstorm to turn an old neighborhood gin mill into a sports bar. And when that failed, they tried to lure the art kids by turning it into an EDM club called St@t!c.

I'd heard interesting things about it, mostly that it showed promise but probably wouldn't last the month before the fickle owner gave up and turned it into a tiki bar or something else that seemed trendy. So I knew I had to act fast.

There was more of a line than I expected when my cab pulled up, but from the look of the people waiting, they hadn't got the memo that it was no longer a sports bar. Much to my surprise, I was beckoned by the door guy. On my perplexed look, he smiled and pointed to the handmade "Ladies Night" sign by the door. I returned his smile. Business wasn't great so they had to stock the club with bait. The moment I stepped from the cab alone, I caught the door guy's eye and was fast-tracked inside. The night was off to a promising start.

It was really loud inside. Or maybe it wasn't so much loud, as the sound system wasn't very good and the EDM was rather painful and rattle-y. It was also quite dark. I think they were trying to pass it off as atmosphere, but my suspicion was that it was really to hide the fact that it still mostly looked like a sports bar, only now all the big screens were pulsing with swirling graphics that were loosely synced to the music.

I found my way over to the bar and ordered my usual - especially for nights when I was out on my own, and tried to check out the crowd through the dim haze.

"First time here?" the voice shouted at me over the music.

I smiled and nodded. "Does anyone ever come back?" I yelled back.

She threw her head back with a laugh that looked loud but was inaudible over the music.

"Really!" she grinned over the distorted beats blasting from the cleared area that passed for a dance floor.

"I really wanted to check this place out!" She hollered.

"Me too!" I shouted back. And shrugged with a smile. "Now we know!"

She laughed silently again, over powered by the music. "I guess my friends were right! None of them would come out with me!"

I smiled in sympathy. "Yeah. But it IS a Thursday... and they probably have work or school!"

She nodded. "I have no Friday classes... AND I was feeling frisky... so I figured What The Hell?"

As I was about to speak, a bunch of big guys in letter jackets loped up to us.

"HEY BABES!" one of them said waving and staring goofily. It was immediately apparent these guys were all one jagermeister shot away from an ER visit for alcohol poisoning.

The girl beside me flashed a finger wave and a polite if not enthusiastic smile.
"Where you boys from?" she mouthed pointing at their jackets.

"STATE!" one of them bellowed. "WE KICKED YOU GUYSES ASS! AN' NOW WERE ON A PUB CRAWL!"

They all nodded as one.

"I hope this is your last pub. You boys better crawl home or maybe to the ER at Saint Barnaby's to get your stomachs pumped!" I hollered helpfully.

"PFFFFFF..... S'FINE.... WE'RE JUST GETTIN' STARTED. GONNA SEE THE WHOLE TOWN!" another yelled.

The beefy guy with a buzz-cut leaned in to my new friend, squinting and moving his head like he was focusing a lens.

"HEY! Y'KNOW YOU'RE REALLY CUTE! THAT'S A REALLY ROCKIN'..." and he leaned in as if he was about to face-plant in her cleavage, and ....EXPLODED!

Obviously these guys had done more than drinking. Chili and nachos with cheese had apparently been their insurance against excessive alcohol. Well, that plan backfired. Literally.

My companion leaped back startlingly fast, but she was not fast enough to completely avoid the appetizer eruption.

"JEE-SUS!" she spat and shot a glare at the guy who seemed just as stunned and still not quite aware that this fountain of disgustingness was still spewing from him.

"HEY!" I waved my arms to the bartender, who snapped to and beckoned some burly guys to swoop in and spirit our 'frat-pack' outside.

I grabbed my still stunned companion by the elbow and rushed her toward the ladies, but not before signaling the bartender that I wanted another drink.

I swooped by the bar on the way to the back corridor and mouthed that I'd square up on the way back. He gestured 'on the house' with a rueful smile as we rushed to the restroom.

As soon as we got inside I grabbed some paper towels and spun to the sink.

"Damn. You're fast!" I laughed as I handed her some damp paper towels.

"Not fast enough" she said tight lipped, balancing anger and mortification.

"Anyone else and we'd be picking chunks out of her hair and burning her shoes!
That guy exploded like a vile pinata. You have mad ninja skills!" I grinned.

That finally brought a laugh. And a sigh.

"Shit. This was a brand new top! That's kinda why I wanted to come out tonight. I just bought it, and I thought it was super sexy, and maybe could be a lucky top. I thought I'd see if it could attract...."

"It sure DID attract!" I interrupted with a laugh "...more like totally absorbed!"

She shot me a pout. "And now it's, like, totally ruined!"

"Yeah. You'll probably have to burn or bury it." I teased. "I thought maybe I could get the stain out, but...."

"What are you dabbing?" she glanced at my drink. "Is that vodka?"

I shook my head as I squeezed the dripping citrus wedge over a stain. "Club soda... always the safest drink on a night out ....and SO versatile!" I grinned as I dipped more paper towel in and continued squeegeeing the goo off her once-pretty top."

"Oh, God. I can't go out there looking like this!" she scowled at her badly stained top."I don't even want to catch a cab home wearing this!"

I dug around in my purse."I think I can help." I muttered as she shot me a perplexed look.

"What do you have in there that can help THIS?" she almost whined staring down at her ruined top.

"Contraband!" I grinned wickedly, and thrust out my hand.

She tilted her head and slowly reached out for my hand. It took her a moment as she unfolded it muttering to herself 'contraband?'

"They're illegal in this town now." I beamed to her. "That's why I always carry my own stash."

I saw the recognition slowly develop across her face like an old Polaroid photo as she unfolded the disposable cellulose shopping bag. Finally she smiled at me.

"Put THAT in there" I directed pointing to her shirt and the bag.

Her eyes went wide as she prepared to point out the obvious, but I cut her off.

"Annd..." I said quickly peeling off my bomber jacket and handing it to her. "Put this on."

Her eyes stayed wide. Only now I think it was at the fact that a near total stranger was giving her the shirt ...well, jacket... off their back.

"Oh my god. Really?" She asked with a tinge of disbelief.

I smiled and nodded. "And if you plan on staying, zip it down a bit. That's a really cute bra and it would be a really hot look."

She blushed and shook her head. "No. I just want to go home and shower until dawn."

I nodded and smiled.

"I can't believe you gave me your jacket!" she gushed.

"Well, you couldn't very well go back out there in only your bra." I smiled. "Besides. I've got a little more coverage"

"Not much" she grinned.

I twisted and regarded myself in the mirror. The white halter bodysuit was a bit much. Or more accurately a bit not-enough. The front was full but thin as film and showed every goose-bump, and the back was cut so low it disappeared below black jeans, exposing the band of my thong. I scowled, pushing the underwear down and trying to tug my jeans up when my new clothes companion gasped.

I turned to her knowing what was coming.

"Is that a... did I just see a peek of.... um...."

"...'Tramp stamp' is cool. That's what it is." I sighed. She blushed. "Let's just say that Absinthe and I are no longer friends." I sagged a bit. She came closer.

"Not to be nosy... but may I see? I've never seen a real one on a real...."

"Tramp?" I asked with a raised eyebrow and sardonic smile.

"Oh, God NO!" she flustered. "I mean I've seen them in pictures and thought they were kind of cool, but I don't know anyone who was bold enough.."

"..or DRUNK enough.." I interrupted with raised finger. She blushed again.

"I've just never seen a REAL one!" she gushed. Then got really shy. "....may I?...."

I reached back and tugged down the waist of the jeans to expose the full tat.

"Oh, Wow! It's really pretty!" she said softly.

I shrugged. "Thank God all my friends are artists, so even if they would let me get blind drunk and get a tramp stamp, they would NOT let me get a bad one."

"Do you regret it?" she asked quietly.

"Everyday" I admitted.

"But it's so pretty!" she looked at me SO earnestly. "And it's not like everyone will see it. Only someone special"

"Like a stranger in a bathroom?" I snarked, She turned crimson and I suddenly felt terrible."OK. I'll confess. I really like it too." I smiled and she seemed to relax a bit. "But it really complicates my life. If the wrong person saw it by accident...." I blanched at the thought. She mercifully changed the subject.

"When you said stranger in a bathroom, I realized I never even introduced myself" she smiled and extended a hand. "I'm Tina"

"No worries" I smiled back."even if you told me out there" I tilted my head toward the door "I wouldn't have heard you anyway. Chloe."

We shook and Tina gushed. "God, Chloe, I'm SO glad I met you! If I hadn't... oh God.... " she eyed the bomber jacket up and down "...I don't know what I'd have done!"

"Well, if you'd been alone, maybe you'd have met a nice guy who wanted to meet the cute girl in the sexy top" I teased. "...instead of that pack of drunken doofuses."

She smiled and said "Give me your phone." I thought I knew what she was up to and was right. She rang herself and entered my name in her contact list. I entered her number from my call log into my own contact list.

"I'll get this dry cleaned and call you when it's ready." she smiled.

"That's really not ness...." I began to wave my hand dismissively but she cut me off.

"Nonsense! I'll call you in a few days. But right now, I just want to get home." she flashed a weary smile.

"Me too." I smiled.

We both called cabs from the ladies and waited there until they arrived. Tina was nice enough to wait with me since I did not want to hang out in the noisy club in my bodysuit that looked painted on, flashing my trampstamp. We walked with arms around each others waists and maybe people thought there was something going on there, but really it was just Tina's brilliant ploy to cover my tat with her arm in the bulky jacket sleeve. I was quite grateful for that and thought that any favor I did loaning her my jacket was more than repaid by her covering my immodest ink.

She smiled at me as she got into her cab. "Surprisingly, this was a good night."

I cocked my head quizzically.

"...Not remotely what I had intended... I got barfed on in a crappy club, and I didn't get CLOSE to getting laid..." she grinned. "...but I think maybe I made a friend." and she shot me a radiant smile I couldn't help but return.

"Hmmph.... I guess it was a good night." I agreed.

She flashed a finger wave and ducked into her cab.

As I got into my own cab and tried to ignore the drivers fixation on my too thin top, I thought to myself. "Maybe we both made a friend tonight. That's gonna complicate things."

***

Tina called a couple of days later. I was standing in line at Starbucks and saw her caller ID. I had to let it go to voice mail.

I called her when I got back home.

"Hey, Chloe! I have your jacket as promised. I thought maybe we could get together for lunch or coffee or something. Oh, wait. I have no idea where you live. Are you close to the U?"

"Not that far. Sure. Where did you want to meet and when?"

"How about 'Freshies'? Do you know it? It's that salad place on Carver Court? Or is there someplace you'd prefer?"

"No. Freshies sounds fine. Never been there but I'm sure I can find it with my GPS. What time?"

"Does 4 work for you? My classes get out by 3:30 so I can...."

"4 is fine."

"Oh, there's indoor and outdoor seating, if I get there first do you have a preference?"

"It's a nice day. Are you OK with outside?"

"Sure! I've spent all day cooped up in classes. The fresh air will be nice."

"So. Fourish at Freshies. See you then."

"I'll be outside if I get there first. Just look for me." she chirped.

"OK. See you then." I said in my most pleasant voice. She was definitely going to get there first. I had to handle my entrance carefully.

Freshie's was easy to find and Tina was sitting at a table by the hedges that bordered the sidewalk. I told the hostess I was meeting someone who I already spotted from the street, so she waved me thru to meet my party.

I walked around to Tina's table. She paid me no attention as I snaked through the tables on the patio until I was nearly at her table. Only then did she shoot me a confused glance. Her look got really confused when I pulled out a chair and seated myself.

"We need to talk" I dove in instantly in my 'business voice'.

She stared at me with furrowed brow. "Excuse me? Um this table's taken."

"I know, Tina." I smiled. Pointing at the bagged jacket hanging from the empty chair.

"Are you a friend of Chloe's?" She shot me a curious look and then stared me up and down like she was scanning a counterfeit bill. "Are you related? Is she your sister? I can see the resemblance." she began to relax.

I smiled. "No. We're not.... she's not my sister." I laughed at my near slip. This only confused her more.

"Oh. But she sent you to pick up her jacket?"

I nodded.

"We really need to talk. Shall we do it over food?"

Tina nodded distractedly. I ordered a kale salad with an unsweetened iced tea. She quirked an eyebrow.

"They have a really hearty vegan chili. And onion soup. ....and nachos...."

I shook off her suggestions. "I'm good with the salad." I smiled. She then ordered a Cobb salad and iced chai and our server dashed off.

"I'm surprised you can even say nachos... let alone suggest them" I smiled. She went crimson.

"You KNOW?" she looked mortified.

"Kinda hard to forget." I smiled. She shot me a blank stare.

"Chloe told you? She must have gone into lurid detail because even you look freaked." she whispered

I let out a heavy sigh. "I thought I knew how I was going to do this, and played it out in my head all the way over here..."

Tina continued the blank stare.

I stood and held out my hand. "Hi Tina. I'm Tom. Tom Saville." She shook robotically.

"Are you Chloe's boyfriend?"

The laugh caught me by surprise, exploding before I could stem it and causing all heads to turn. I felt my own face flush.

"Not even close." I finally managed to gasp out through my stifled chest heaves.
I scratched my head. My original plan was totally derailed. I needed to improvise. Suddenly I had a flash. And a flash it was.

"This isn't working." I smiled to Tina. "I thought I knew how to do this. But I don't. I think I need to tie my shoe." I shrugged apologetically.

I pulled out my chair and also untucked my shirt tails and tee. I turned to Tina and said quietly "Apologies in advance" and turned away to raise my foot to the chair, bending over to untie and carefully retie my shoe. I also took the liberty of scrunching up the back of my shirts, my back to Tina who I really hoped did not think I was about to moon her. Still, it was a really rude gesture, and I thought I'd screwed it up until I heard her little gasped 'eep'. I sat back in my seat and calmly addressed the saucer-eyed Tina.

"Now do you get why I regret that tatoo?" I smirked.

She went pale and continued to stare. I said nothing. Just giving her time to process.

The server came with our drinks and salads. I politely thanked her and proceeded to mix in my balsamic dressing.

Tina remained speechless. I could not read the expression on her face, but it was fixed. The only thing that moved were her eyes, which continued to scan me up and down, stopping now and then to really bore into something.
I calmly ate my salad and sipped my tea, giving her as much time as she needed.

"I... uh.... Oh my God.... you're so different!"

"Only on the outside." I smiled quietly.

Tina continued to stare.

"How.... how long?"

"All my life." I smiled.

"No. I mean.... how long since you.... God... you knew all your life?"

I smiled and nodded.

"Oh, god. When you were little......"

I shrugged. "Yeah. It was pretty confusing.... and kinda rough at times...." I understated.

"Oh my God. I can't imagine! When.... when did you finally ....ummmm... is Come Out the right word?"

I nodded. "Sure. I get what you mean. Well... obviously.... I'm not completely.... out."

Her eyes went wide again. It was obvious in hindsight. The other night she met Chloe. Today she was sitting with Tom. I was far from fully out.

"It must be so ....hard!"

I nodded. "It's at least ...complicated...."

"Ohmigod. So do you... do you work?"

I nodded. "They know me as Tom."

She swallowed. "And where you live....."

"Yeah. That's one of the complications. I have roommates I've known since I was a kid. They have no idea."

She stared at me. "How can they?.... Um, DUH!...." she smiled. "I had no idea, and even when you flashed me...." she gave me a look of uncertainty about her choice of words.

I smiled. "Thanks for not saying 'nearly mooned me'"

She relaxed and laughed. "Even then, it took me the longest time. And I have to be honest.... I'm still having a hard time seeing it.... you're so.... different!"

"Only on the outside" I repeated with a smile.

"And your family....."

I winced. Which said it all. "It should have been obvious to them since I was about three..... but they remain stubbornly clueless. And I have no idea how to talk to them."

She reached out and put her hand over mine. I gave her a brave smile as she gave it a squeeze.

"They're pretty heavily invested in the fiction. Since they created it when I was a baby and just keep doubling down whenever they start to see through the facade." I sighed.

"Oh, honey!" she said softly, then caught herself. "Sorry."

I shrugged. "Tom may be embarrassed by that outburst, but it warmed Chloe's heart" I flashed a conflicted smile.

"So. The other night, I thought to myself 'girl, you may have got puked on but maybe you also met a really cool friend.'" She said quietly staring at me.

I slumped in my seat, eyes boring into the ground, waiting for the rest.

"But I guess I was wrong."

I hung my head lower, hoping she would only feel disappointed and not outright betrayed.

"Looks like I made TWO friends" she grinned goofily.

***

Over the next two weeks, Tina and I truly did become friends. She called a few more times and always caught me at work, which meant she always got 'Tom'. But she seemed OK with that. I'd catch a smoothie and salad with her if she didn't have classes when I got my lunch break. Sometimes I'd meet her straight from work for a coffee or light snack & always lots of conversation.

I mentioned to her that I felt that we really were becoming friends.

She beamed and said I was her best friend since she moved to school.

I raised my eyes slowly, wondering if I wanted what I just heard so badly that I deliberately mis-heard. Tina's grin assured me that I heard her right.

The wonder and relief on my face must have been obvious because her grin erupted into a beaming smile as she reached out again and gave my hand a long tight squeeze.

"So 'Tom'..." I could hear the air quotes in her bubbly voice. "...tell me about yourself. You said you work as Tom..."

I nodded. Still a bit dazed.

"So where do you work?"

"I'm um.... a bike courier... and I work part time at office oasis...."

She nodded. "So you're a salesclerk."

I shrugged. "I work the custom printing desk. Business card design, banners, logo decals...." I flashed an embarrassed smile "four years of art college to sell people logo doodles for their corolla".

Tina smiled back. "Hey, at least you're using your skills."

I scowled a little. "Kind of like Professor X working as a strip mall fortune teller."

Tina lit up. "You're a comic book guy!" she crowed.

I reflexively tensed. This was something I learned long ago not to brag about. But while I expected the usual contempt, she seemed genuinely pleased. I quickly calmed.

"....AND a comic book girl" I said quietly.

Her eyes sparkled as she regarded me. "You're like a special edition! Same content but two collectible covers!"

I don't know whether it was her unrestrained enthusiasm or her unexpected analogy, but her glee was infectious and I returned her joyful smile.

***

So my good deed went unpunished for a change. And the stranger I let use my new jacket returned it, freshly dry cleaned. And she expressed an interest in being friends, even after learning about Tom.

I don't honestly consider myself a pessimist, but it's been my experience, when everything is going perfectly, the universe is often setting you up for a 'gotcha'. So I was wary and never took this budding friendship for granted, even after Tina texted "Hey! I'm out of classes. Any dinner plans?"

I texted her back that I was working, but if she was still interested by the time I got off, I'd love to.

I gave myself time to ride home and shower, but Dale and Colin were home, so I just rushed out, still kinda damp haired, to meet Tina.

"Hey you" she waved as I approached the restaurant. I smiled. I wasn't sure who she was expecting, but she seemed OK with it.

"Hi." I smiled as I squeezed through the ornamental barriers that separated the terrace from the street.

"I hope you don't mind Al Fresco again" she smiled. "You seemed OK with it the last time, and it's a beautiful evening."

I shook my head with a smile. "Not at all. It IS a beautiful evening. Why waste it?"

I sat down across from her looking for a reaction. If she had one, I couldn't read it. So I just came right out with it.

"I hope you don't mind catching a bite with Tom." I semi-whispered.

She shook her head with a smile. "No. It's all good. I figured it was 50/50 either way, but I'm good. You're good company ....however you...” she shrugged. I smiled. That was the nicest thing anyone had said to me in ages.

Still, I felt the need to explain - or was it an apology?

"Well, I came right after work.... and my roommate situation is ...erm... complicated." I flashed a conflicted smile.

Tina's eyebrow went up. "So they don't know?"

"Oh GOD no!" Chloe exclaimed far too loudly. Heads turned. I froze and felt all the blood leave my face.

Tina just burst into the widest smile I've ever seen.

I tried to turn invisible. But staying still seemed to work just as well. The crowd looked around to see where the outburst came from, but seeing only me and Tina, they just kept scanning. I felt their attention linger and move on. Tina gave nothing away.

"Oh wow. That is so amazing!" she whispered to me. “The way you were just... it was just...."

I was mortified. I said in a near mutter. "Sorry. Sometimes Chloe just slips out if I'm distracted or startled or...."

"Get caught off guard?" she smiled quietly.

I nodded with a shy grin. She got it. I don't know how, but she immediately got it.

"God, that must be so hard!" she said in the very hushed tone our conversation had taken.

I shrugged. "Not so hard anymore, I've been doing it... like, forever... but still really complicated. I just have to stay focused and always keep my guard up."

"And your roommates don't know.... so you never really have any downtime... not even at home.... That must be EXHAUSTING." she gave me the most sympathetic look.

"It's necessary" I sighed. Then smirked "At least until I win that MacArthur Genius grant ...or the lottery I never play. Still, at least I found a couple of jobs. I may be one of the few people in my graduating class who didn't have to move back with their parents."

Tina smiled. "Yeah. That sucks. I'm still in the dorms, and that has its own ....issues..." she grinned "but a least I'm not living at home or with roommates from hell."

"Mine aren't from hell.... just from.... my past. They know me one way and I'm not sure they could ever fully let go of that. They're OK but we're not really close, so I don't feel any need to even try to get them to see the ....complicated reality... of my situation. I just let them believe what they believe and we all leave each other alone."

She nodded. "Still, wouldn't it be nice if you had a place where you could just relax and be yourself without the need to pretend?"

I thought about it and maybe zoned out a bit at the blissful thought. Tina snapped me out of it.

"Looks like I hit a nerve." she smiled.

"Just a wall. I can't get there from where I am now."

"Sure you can. I've seen that confidence. You can eas...."

"It's not... not confidence. It's cash. I work two minimum wage jobs six days a week, sometimes seven if I get the chance, and sometimes both jobs in a very long day. Still I just make living expenses and not much more to bank for my dream place." I smiled sadly.

Tina nodded. "Or you could find cool roomies"

I laughed. "I could also track a leprechaun to steal his gold, or win a TV reality show. Both are more likely." I sounded mean and dismissive. I shot her an apologetic and forlorn look.

"How hard could it be?"

I smirked. "What, just put an ad on Craigslist: Transgender girl seeks cool people to move in with?"

She grimaced. "Yeah. I see your point."

"My living condition is...tolerable... my roomies aren't nosy and I keep a really low profile. Lucky for me they're kind of party fiends, so I usually have nights and mornings to myself. I can do this for a while."

Tina nodded. "Yeah, we have some hard partiers at the dorms too. I think you may have more peace and quiet than I do."

"Sounds like you're the one in need of a new place." I grinned.

"Someday" she said wistfully. "I'm starting training as a barista this week, and I have a few applications in at the mall. Maybe I can do that work too hard thing you do and scrape enough to afford my own place."

"Will it hurt your studies?"

She shook her head. "No. I'm on pretty solid ground. Most of this semesters classes I could ace in my sleep."

"You go to UAE?"

She shook her head. "Tech."

"Are you going to be a farmer or a petrochemical geologist?"

The laugh was so hard she sprayed little bits of food, then looked suitably mortified. "Oh, God no. English lit and marketing. My parents think it's so I can land a career in advertising or something, but I really want to write and market my own stuff... create my own brand."

I nodded. "I'm kind of surprised you didn't go to arts. They have a lot more creative writing and dramaturgy courses...."

"I'm comfortable with my creative." Tina smiled. "Maybe I'm too full of myself, but I really want to know how to push my brand, find my audience and carve out a liveable niche."

I nodded. "Yeah. Tech's business and marketing courses are probably better for actually making a living as a writer... provided you already know how to write."

Tina just pursed her lips into a thin smile. "I think I'm on solid ground in that department."

We finished our dinner and Tina asked if I was up for a movie. She really wanted to see this Lilly Tomlin movie about an old hippie who goes on a road trip with her pregnant granddaughter. None of her friends from school wanted to see it. She said they were more into movies like Bridesmaids & the new Ghostbusters.

"Sounds like a heartwarming relationship movie." I muttered.

She nodded.

"Translate: Chick Flick."

Tina rolled her eyes. I just gave her a little shoulder bump and a grin. "I'm in."

It was a good movie, even if we had to bus to the other side of town to see it at the art cinema in Park Vale. On our long bus ride, I learned a lot about her family and her background. She was the youngest and the only girl in her family. Her dad was ex military and all her brothers had or were currently serving too. It was a big thing in her family, going way back to WWI when her immigrant great granddad signed up to prove his patriotism. Her dad did his 20 and mustered out. He still had a lot of connections and was working as a security consultant. He dealt with a lot of corporate espionage stuff and had old special forces buddies who he farmed out as bodyguards for CEOs & celebrities.

"Your Dad sounds a little like Tony Stark." I teased.

"More like Nick Fury. He's more like the ringmaster than the aerialist or lion tamer" she laughed.

"So does he miss the service?" I asked.

Tina shrugged. "I don't think so. He still has lots of close contacts. I think the hardest thing for him is staying in one place for so long. I don't think he ever really got used to that. I know he did it for me. He couldn't do it for my brothers, but by the time I was old enough for school, he had done his 20, so he could muster out and settle down. I got to go to the same school and hang with the same kids for my entire childhood."

"That's not always such a good thing" I grinned.

Tina shot me a sympathetic look. "I guess so. But I was lucky. I made some good, close friends. We all grew up together. We shared so much. Which is what made moving away to college so hard. I know people here, but we don't have that history. I don't actually feel like I have any real friends here." she said quietly. Then her tight lipped expression melted to a smile as she squeezed my hand. "Well, almost none" she smiled and crinkled her eyes.

I melted, and squeezed her hand back. Then I made the patented 'Tom move' I came up with ages ago when I'd start to tear up. I feigned something going down the wrong way and coughing as my face went red and my eyes ran. I think Tina knew what I was doing because her concern quickly turned to a suppressed grin as she handed me a water and I pretended to fight the reflexive coughing.

***

We really did become close friends over the ensuing weeks. She got the job as a barista, which kept her busy most mornings and afternoons she didn't have classes, so we got together a lot more evenings. Which meant much more hanging with Chloe than Tom. But not always.

I met her at this tapas place we both wanted to try, and when I turned up as Tom, I quickly explained "roommate complications". She nodded. Dale & Colin were both home, in fact they invited buds over to watch a MMA pay per view so the place was ...bro-verflowing. I might have been able to sneak past one or both of my roommates. I'd done it before, although it was always risky. I'd carry my heels and pad to the door like a ninja, yell down the hall that I was leaving and loudly slam the door. They never even turned from the screen when I'd walk through the living room. Their eyes were usually glued to their X-Box game, sports or the occasional porno. Chloe sneaking out was usually pretty easy. But not tonight.

"If you want to put the tapas off to another night, we could go to Chili's or something." Tina smiled.

"Why would I want to do that?" I cocked my head, slightly perplexed.

"Well, Tapas is kind of ....grazing.... I just figured Tom would prefer a steak or something.... heartier." she whispered.

I smiled. "Thanks for the offer, but it all goes to the same stomach." I patted my sides gently "AND the same hips! I'm still up for tapas."

Tina nodded and we waited in line. When we sat, she whispered to me.

"Your roommate situation reminded me. How do you feel about moving again?"

I scowled. "Frustrated. It would make things easier, but I don't see how...."

Tina lit up. "I just may have a way! This girl Zoe where I work. We got to talking and she mentioned that her Dad is a real estate developer and has offered a few times to set her up in one of his former model homes, but he has a few conditions. One of them is that she has to have roommates." her eyebrow raised. "She asked me if I was interested and if I knew anybody." she beamed.

Now it was MY turn to raise an eyebrow. "You mean ME?"

Tina scowled. "Ummm.... Chloe actually. I guess Zoe is a bit of a wild child & her dad wants to get her to ditch her loser boyfriend and move out. He's holding the house out as a carrot, but he wants to approve of the roommates." she cleared her throat, seeming a bit uncomfortable. She shrugged. "I think he'd flip if he met Tom... he seems to want to get Zoe some ....responsible role models. I think if he met Tom, he'd assume Zoe was sleeping with him. Or would keep trying to. ....but I'm sure he'd love Chloe!" she smiled. "....if you'd actually do it..." she gave me big pleading eyes.

"Do what?" I was confused. "Move? ....or meet this guy...."

"Mister Boecher"

"Meet this mister Butcher guy... as Chloe?"

"Both" Tina smiled with a shrug.

I was stunned "Wow. I'll have.... I'll have to think about this.... there are a million..."

"..complications?" Tina smirked.

"Yeah." I nodded. "I think you were teasing, but it's true.... What about this Zoe? How do you think she would be with...."

Tina cut me off. "When she asked me, I told her I had a friend who might be interested. When I told her it was a transgender friend, she actually smiled and said 'cool'."

"Really?" I asked. Tine nodded vigorously. "Is she ....cool.... with it, or is she like, really into it? Because that could really compli...."

"ENOUGH with the complications!" Tina laughed. "Zoe's kind of ...edgy... I didn't think it was any kind of ....interest.... so much as she's seen and done so much already, that living with a trans girl would just be one more thing on the list."

"Um. Can I MEET this Zoe?"

Tina nodded enthusiastically. She knew I was interested, and I think she saw this as one more step closer to her getting out of the dorms.

"When can you set..."

"She's closing tonight. Care for a nightcap after dinner?"

"You want her to meet Tom?" I was feeling reservations.

"Well, soon enough she'll meet you both, so what's the difference?"

I shrugged at the realization. So, on our way home, we stopped for a latte.

The barista behind the counter was very dark... almost goth. Kind of vampiric and asexual.

"Hey Zoe!" Tina waved as we stepped through the door. The barista looked up and nodded, smiling as much as her facial muscles probably allowed... kind of a slightly concave razor thin line.

"Hey T." The girl muttered in a voice that made me blush since it was much deeper than my own and kind of smoky. "What'll it be?" she said to me.

I motioned for a single espresso, feeling really self conscious about my own voice. She didn't seem to notice. Or care.

"Remember that thing we talked about? About your dad, and the ....arrangement?" Tina leaned in and asked her quietly. Zoe nodded.

"...and I said I think I know someone.... that I had a friend....?" Zoe nodded again and I felt her eyes go to me with a look of uncertainty.

"Zoe? Meet Tom." Tina whispered.

Zoe stared intensely at me as she made my espresso.

As she handed it to me, I held out my hand, she gave it a shake.

"Fuck." she muttered.

"Not really" I shrugged with a shy smile.

She laughed. And quickly caught herself. Dragon Tattoos girl wasn't going to break character and laugh in public.

"You're shitting, right?" She said to Tina. My heart sank.

Tina furrowed her brow. "No." Zoe just glared at her. Tina seemed flummoxed,
"What?"

"You know you guys have to meet my father."

"Already have" Tina smiled and batted her eyebrows goofily "he loves me!"

Zoe scowled and cocked a thumb in my direction. "He has to meet you BOTH. He'll never...."

"He'll ADORE Chloe!" Tina gushed.

"Chloe?" Tina raised an eyebrow and turned to me. I just flushed deep crimson and tried to melt into the floor.

"Trust me." Tina almost crowed. "He'll love her. You will too. You guys have to meet."

"We just did" Zoe scowled.

"No!" whispered Tina with a little heat. "You and CHLOE!"

I just smiled weakly, still trying to be absorbed into the floor.

"Hey. When are you working next?" Tina grinned.

"Opening day after tomorrow. Damn, this job is ruining my social life." Zoe grimaced.

Tina swept me into a huddle with Zoe. "Here's the idea. Maybe day after tomorrow, Chloe and I could come by for our morning coffees? I have a morning class, but I can blow it off. This is more important." She turned to me with a querulous look.

I shrugged. "I guess I can blow off work. I can act progressively sicker tomorrow so when I call in the next day, they're not surprised. I'll make it seem contagious so they're glad I'm away." I broke a hesitant smile.

Zoe looked at us both. "Suit yourself. Still, I don't see how it will make any dif...."

"Trust me" Tina grinned.

***

I didn't have to fake impending illness the next day at work. Nerves had me in a kind of cold sweat and from what people said, looking rather pale and greenish. I had gone out during the day as Chloe, but the goal was always to blend in and disappear. I would be attracting scrutiny, at least from Zoe. I didn't worry about the guys. Dale worked at the delivery service depot and he was loading trucks by 5AM. Colin worked at MAACO and he was out the door by 6:30.

I went over and over my makeup and what to wear. I just wound myself up into a bigger bundle of nerves. Finally I realized that if I was just a random office worker grabbing a quick latte on her way to work, I would be fresh off the subway, a little disheveled, in my tennies, carrying my heels along with my bag or briefcase or portfolio or whatever I needed for work. That helped. Instead of passing the time stressing about the encounter, I spent it making up a life and backstory for Chloe the harried paralegal on her way to hand deliver documents to the courthouse on her way to work at the renovated waterfront rowhouse complex that housed the prestigious law office.

I had the character. Choosing the pencil skirt and taupe silk blouse was suddenly a snap. Appropriate leg wear and my most corporate heels completed the look. The La Perla bustier and tap pants were an indulgence I chose to cement my character. No one would see them, but I would feel them, and knowing they were underneath it all would give my character the confidence she needed to exude.

Some tastefully understated jewelry, and a trace of Dior cologne completed the package. I put the last coat of finish on my flawlessly lacquered nails, grabbed what I called my 'Jackie O' wool coat and knock off Gucci bag, and strode off to meet Tina for coffee.

I felt my phone vibrate on the bus, but it was so crowded I couldn't fish through my purse until I got off at my stop a block and a half from the coffeehouse.

"Damn." I quietly cursed as I read Tina's text.

OMG. Comparative lit quiz today. Can't miss. Too much of my grade. Kill me later. SO SO sorry! :-(

I scowled. I was less than 10 minutes away. After all I went through to get ready, and the 36 hours of nerves leading up to this moment, was I really just going to turn around and crawl home? I screwed my face into a determined grimace and plowed on to the shop.

Zoe looked a little less scary in the crisp morning light. I thought to myself, 'if Wednesday Addams grew up and got a job as a barista, she'd probably look just like this.' That thought made me smile, and I couldn't dampen my smile when a very businesslike Zoe turned to me efficiently.

"Miss?" she asked automatically. She looked right through me.

"Tall decaf macchiato. Skim milk." I said cheerfully. She gave no reaction and spun to prepare it. There was a line behind me, so I just grabbed my drink and a biscotti and scouted out a seat.

The crowd died down after about 10 minutes. I looped the bag on my arm, and stirring my biscotti in my coffee, I approached Zoe, wiping down a machine at the counter. She sensed me and turned.

"Miss?" She asked. Her fierce look now just seemed very austere and businesslike.

I realized by her quirked eyebrow she was waiting for my request or complaint.

That brought a smile. I shrugged her off.

"Oh. I'm good." I laughed. That just seemed to perplex her. Why was I bothering her?

I frowned. "Tina texted me on my way over. She forgot she had a test and couldn't blow off class...."

Her look remained blank. She heard and understood me, but hadn't yet pieced it together. I put down my coffee and extended my hand with a smile.

"Hi. I'm Chloe.... I know Tina wanted to...."

"FUCK ME!" she exclaimed and jerked back slightly. All eyes in the place turned to her. If she wasn't so naturally pale, I'm sure she would have blushed. She waved her hands dismissively to the customers and said. "Sorry. Sorry." and stared each one of them down until they went back to what they had been doing.

Then she turned to me.

"No Shit?" At least she muttered it quietly to me this time.

I just nodded and flashed a meek smile.

Her startled expression gave way to an intense gaze. It felt like she was giving me a CAT scan with her eyes. Finally, she gave a near imperceptible nod and her expression changed from one of satisfaction with her inspection to a slight, sly grin.

"Tina was right. My dad's gonna fuckin' LOVE you!"

****

When the morning rush subsided, Zoe took her break and sidled into my table.
She shot me another hard look, only this time a stupid grin was plastered on her face.

"So what did Tina tell you?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Just a little. She said it was a place of your dad's in a nice part of town, but your dad required you to live with roommates."

Zoe smirked. "His exact words were 'at least two other girls'..." then she snorted "OTHER girls" and she shook her head grinning.

"Look, I don't want to be a joke or a prank on your dad. I seriously need a place to live.... one where I don't have to ....hide myself.... so if this is just about you punking your dad...."

"No. No.... It's cool. I wasn't laughing AT you..." she said under her breath. "I was laughing at myself.... when Tina said she had a TG friend, I said I was cool with it. And I was... I mean I AM.... but I was sure my father would blow a nut."

Her look bore into me. I gulped, swallowed and nodded. I got it.

Then her look softened. "But I was NEVER expecting you! God, T was right... he's gonna fuckin' LOVE you!"

I finally relaxed.

"You still want to do this? Cuz I can call him right now and we can set up a time."

I nodded. More resolutely than I felt. I was about to step from the familiar into the abyss of the unknown.

"Can you stick around? I can call him and let you know."

I nodded. "Sure. I'm out of work. Sick. Remember?" I smiled. She nodded with a grin.

I grabbed a scone and a mint chai and nursed both while I waited for Zoe's next break. I saw her sneak behind the espresso machine to make a quick call. She nodded to me when she swung back behind the counter. I nodded back, trying to calmly wait to find out when Tina and I would have our 'audition'.

I took the time to text Tina.

Hope ur test was OK. Met Zoe. She seems cool. Talkng 2 hr dad now. Let U kno.

I was putting my phone back in my purse when I saw this 50ish guy who looked like everyone who ever sold personal investment services on late night TV take his coffee from the counter and walk my way.

"May I?" he asked, already pulling out his chair. I scowled as I looked around at all the empty tables.

"Actually, there are plenty of other empty tables." I said rather coldly.

His smile didn't waiver. "Yes, but I hate drinking alone."

"I rather prefer it," I said with what I hoped was a disapproving look.

He was undeterred. He just extended a hand, smile still plastered on his implacable face.

"Frank. Frank Boecher."

Did he say Frank Butcher? Why was that familiar?

He cocked his head toward the counter. "Zoe's father."

I nearly peed myself. Or maybe that was just the blood leaving my face and rushing to my bladder.

He laughed. "I gather she didn't tell you." His eyes sparkled with mirth.

I just shook my head. I finally found my voice, dry and shaken as it was. "She just.... just said she was going to call you and arrange a meeting..."

He smiled. "I was just leaving a meeting not far from here when I got her call, so I had my driver swing by. If I had known she was working this morning I would have done so anyway. Any chance to see my girl." He smiled with pride. "...that's probably why she never tells me when she's working" he chuckled.

I smiled, and finally noticed his still-extended hand. I took it and he closed around my fingertips.

"Oh. Sorry. I didn't intend to be rude Mr Butcher. You just... You just caught me by surprise." I stammered still gathering my wits.

He smiled. "Oh I totally understand. I never intended to ambush YOU miss...."

"Saville. Chloe Saville. Just call me Chloe" I smiled.

"And just call me Frank" he smiled back. "Especially since your German is ....not so..." he wavered his hand. On my confused look he grinned. "It's Boecher" he gave me a look I could best describe as 'parental' ...it was correcting but not scolding. "There's a kind of vowel sound there that ....you don't have in English.... but Butcher is close." he grinned.

I blushed.

"Sorry my dear. I didn't mean to correct you. And I certainly never intended to embarrass you. I really only wanted to say, please... call me Frank."

"Not Frrrrrank?" I said, rolling my 'R's and meekly looking up at him with the trace of a grin.

He slapped his hand on the table and bellowed to the counter in front of everyone "I LIKE this girl!"

Zoe looked mortified. Everyone in the shop looked confused. I probably just looked startled. I shot Zoe an apologetic look but she shrugged it off. I guess she was used to being publicly embarrassed by her father.

We talked for about 10 minutes. Mostly about me. And I told him the truth. Mostly. Just substituting Chloe for Tom. I told him about my schooling and my jobs and how I met Zoe through Tina, whom he had already met and pre-approved. So I guess I passed the audition.

Frank clasped my hands, expressing his pleasure at meeting me, and bade me goodbye until next we met. He was an absolute gentleman and a charmer. I could see why he was such a successful bigwig. He went up to the counter, exchanged some quiet words with Zoe and waved as he left to his waiting limo.

Zoe shot me a smile and a nod. I probably could have left then, but I had all day, so I lingered until her next break.

"You're in." She smiled. “As Tina and I both expected, he fucking loves you."

I smiled. Relieved.

"So when do you want to do this? My dad says the place can be ready by next week?”

Suddenly things were moving very fast.

***

Dale and Colin took it well. REALLY well. Apparently they knew this guy Toby who was way more into X-Box and MMA and surfing nasty homemade porn than I was, so they were more than happy to trade me out for him. They hadn't had the heart to kick me out... especially since I always had my portion of the rent on time and always covered for them when they didn't. And I was the only one who ever cleaned around the apartment. It wasn't altruism. It was enlightened self interest. I was not going to die of salmonella, botulism or toxic mold just because my roommates were incorrigible slobs. Once I agreed to pay my share of next month's rent as a 'severance fee' they were all 'have a nice life'.

So, I raided my meager savings and rented a van. It's not as if I had much to move anyway. I didn't have much space at my old place, so it was just one of those Japanese sleep cushions, my PC gear and art supplies, then clothes and accessories. It hit me that 95% of my possessions apart from my bed, computer and art gear, were Chloe's. Truth be told, Tom didn't need much. A half dozen logo tees, one pair of jeans, a pair of dockers and collared shirt for 'formal' occasions. Two pairs of athletic shoes and 'good' leather shoes for previously mentioned formal occasions.

It only took three trips to get everything moved. As the junior roomie, I got the bedroom left over after Zoe & Tina chose. Still, I was delighted. It was over twice the size of my old room and had the most decadent walk in closet with a pull-out shoe rack that would have made Imelda Marcos weep.

The 'model home' was the first built on the development and represented the no-holds-barred luxury model with all of the options. It seemed good sales technique to show people the ultimate, then make them choose which amenities to deprive themselves of to pinch a penny or two. Now that the development was fully sold, the model home was no longer needed. Still, for complicated zoning or permitting reasons, it was un-sellable without major renovations. And, Tina told me Zoe's dad got major tax advantages by having a company presence on site. So, technically the model home was a corporate site office with live-in caretakers... us.

Tina also confided that Zoe's dad really didn't approve of his daughter's wild child lifestyle and wanted to get more stabilizing influences in her life. Zoe had been rebellious from around age eleven, and recently moved in with Zack, her current boyfriend. They lived in an apartment over his tatoo and piercing shop. She mostly did it to piss off her dad, but it got to be too much for even her. Zack, she finally realized, was a meth head. He and his friends partied constantly when they weren't working downstairs. And sometimes even then. When Zoe caught Zack cooking, she reached her limit. She swallowed her pride and took her dad up on his offer.

I was the first moved in, and since I had the van for the rest of the day, I offered to help Tina move too. An offer she gladly accepted. Since I was doing the moving in 'Tom mode', Tina got lots of lewd comments from the other girls in her dorm. I found it funny because Tom was no stud. 5 foot 6 with a gymnast's body, Tom never got second glances from the ladies. Or anyone. Except bouncers. No one believed my I.D. wasn't a fake. I had far less trouble with Chloe's genuinely fake I.D. I think the dorm girls were doing it not because I was remotely studly, but because Tina was so embarrassed by the teasing. They kept joking that Tina was moving in with her sexy hot sweetie. Me. ….Tom.... I couldn't squelch my grin, because in a way they couldn't imagine, she was.

I thought that since it had been her dad's place, and she had been sofa-surfing since walking out on her meth-head boyfriend, Zoe would be the first to move in. But there still wasn't a speck of her stuff.

She was waiting at the house when Tina and I pulled up in the van.

“So.... Tom....” she couldn't say it without smirking. Need to work with her on that. “..how long do you have the van?”

I shrugged. “I'm supposed to have it back in the morning. 9AM.”

Zoe grinned. “So you have it all night?”

I nodded, wary of where this was going.

“Wanna help a girl move?” she asked wickedly.

“Why is my spidey sense tingling?” I smiled. “Sounds like you're planning a heist?”

Zoe got serious. “It's not a heist! It's MY goddamn stuff. He's being an asshole about it. I've gotta get it back before he sells everything.”

“So you are planning a heist.” I grinned.

“We're NOT stealing anything! It's my stuff!” Zoe was getting really wound up.

“Chill. I'm messing with you.” I smiled. “But I'm guessing that the only way you're getting your stuff back is by taking it.”

Zoe nodded angrily. “Shithead got all 'fuck you bitch' when I stopped bankrolling him and his loser friends.” She crossed her arms and her body language was a mix of ferocity and deep, deep hurt and betrayal.

“So are we talking Mission Impossible spidering down through the ceiling here?” I grinned. It worked. Her mood lightened.

“That would be cool.” she smirked. “I'm hella into ropes and pulleys and shit....”

I just shot her a look, trying to wrap my head around her twisted sense of humor.

She sighed. “But all that shit, and the rest of my stuff is in shithead Zack's place.”

I was beginning to sense that she wasn't entirely joking.

“I figure we can eat, watch a movie or two, prep and do the deed.” She said as casually as if she were discussing her grocery list. “T.... you in?” she called out. Tina nodded yes.

“Why do I feel like someone in a caper film where they're planning the big heist?” I asked with a worried smile.

Zoe smiled back. “It's not a heist! I told you bitch.” She grinned, then shot me a scowl. “Oh. Sorry bro.”

I laughed. “I'll take bitch over bro any day.”

Zoe nodded, relieved, and got back on track. “As I was saying... It's not a heist ….bitch” she shot me a smirk “....it's a fuckin' repo. That's all my stuff. And that asshole and his scumbags aren't going to sell it on me!”

The fire in her voice was impressive. This was someone you did not want to get on the wrong side of. I found myself wondering just how short her fuse was and if I had made a terrible mistake.

“So, I figure we get some food and supplies, watch a movie or two to get psyched, plan out the operation, then go do it.”

“Still feels like a caper movie.” I said to her, expressionless.

She glanced at me with mild annoyance, obviously trying to figure out how to sell me, since I had the van.

I cracked a goofy grin. “I've never been in a caper movie before. Day one and already my life is way more interesting with you two!”

From across the room, Tina laughed. Zoe just looked relieved.

We went out for Indian take-out, swung by Home Depot and marveled as Zoe tore through the place like a commando on a raid. Tina was less surprised. She knew Zoe. I was somewhat stunned as she filled the cart with 'supplies'. Both Tina and I were impressed at Zoe's sheer focus. Then we swung by Zoe's parents house. It was way out in the posh burbs and I had to top the tank in the van to be sure we didn't get stranded coming home from Zack's.

Tina put her hand on my forearm and whispered “you should probably wait here.” I nodded, as that was my intention all along. Tina and Zoe went up to the house and I saw them greeted by a woman I presumed was Zoe's mom. They were inside a while and maybe I zoned out or fell asleep, but I was startled alert by the sound of the van doors opening. I saw the silhouette hauling stuff into the van, so I got out to help and spun around to nearly collide into him.

“Let me take that.” I said, relieving the older guy of the overstuffed box.

“Thanks.” He said and passed it to me. I fitted it into the van and turned back to face an ashen Tina, Zoe and...

“Frank. Frank Boecher. …..Zoe's dad.” He thrust out his right hand. “And you are?....”

“uh...Tom sir. Tom ... uh... Saville.” I replied, startled.

He raised an eyebrow and gave me a curious look.

“Chloe's brother!” Zoe blurted.

Frank opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.

“Cousin actually. First cousin. Uncle Don asked me to help her move... and then these two stop-lossed me and I got roped into their missions too.” I smiled.

That seemed to satisfy Frank, who turned to his daughter.

“Zoe. How come I know your housemate is an only child and you don't?” It sounded like an accusation, but by the tone of his voice, it was clear this was the sort of chiding he always did, and Zoe's discomfort was proof that it worked.

“Jeez Dad.... I didn't grill her for her life story. I just needed to know that Tina swore she's good people, you approved, and that she could make rent.” Zoe nearly whined, suddenly seeming nine years old. I knew this was mortifying for her so Tina and I acted distracted, as if we weren't noticing this awkward father daughter interplay.

“So where is Chloe?” Frank asked. The question didn't seem addressed to anyone in particular, so I jumped in.

I shot him a wicked smile. “As payment for the ….moving service.... uncle Don and aunt Phoebe requi....requested she join them for dinner at home and they spend the evening until I got back with the van.” I shot Zoe a grin. “....which looks like it will be a lot longer than she bargained for.”

Frank let out a hearty laugh. “I daresay! Well, good. I'm sure her parents will be delighted by her extended, probably all-too-rare visit. ….And she'll survive... despite what she may think.” And he shot a smug look at his own daughter. Who just squirmed.

I was then brought into the house where I met Zoe's mother Marjorie and joined the group for coffee and snacks. I know it was intended as polite small talk and not an inquisition, but since I had already told Frank the truth about my life, just telling it as Chloe's life, I was kind of forced to pull an alternate bio out of thin air. I made Tom and Chloe first cousins who were born a day apart and whose families were quite close. I hinted that because of the physical proximity and closeness of our families, Chloe and I were raised practically as siblings. And since our ages were so close, we were in many ways, effectively twins. That allowed me to keep much of the broader fabric of Chloe's story for my own, and just pepper enough detail to give Tom a separate, if parallel, life.

I survived the inquisition. Although a few times, I thought the expressions on the faces of Tina and Zoe were going to blow everything.

Zoe's folks were either polite or oblivious. I presume they were polite.

As we were walking back to the van with her parents looking on from the open door, Zoe punched me in the arm.

“Way to go romeo.” she sneered. “....now he's probably gonna want me to fuckin' date you!”

I turned to her with alarm. That HAD to be loud enough for them to hear. She just stared back at me with the dirtiest grin. She put her hand into the small of my back and thrust me forward, almost tripping me. I just turned my recovered near-stumble into a run and sped toward the van, Zoe whooping behind me in pursuit while Tina just laughed from now far behind.

It was quiet on the ride home until Tina broke the silence.

“Well. That went well.” she said primly.

Zoe and I both exploded in laughter.

“Oh, God, I thought I was so dead!” I confessed.

“YOU??? That was MY fuckin' father. I almost shit wondering what he would do to me!” Zoe cackled.

“So now, just like Zoe, her dad has met Chloe AND Tom!” Tina chirped.

“And he fuckin' loves you both!” Zoe rolled her eyes.

I couldn't help but laugh. Mostly from relief.

We got home and unloaded Zoe's care packages from home.

She got to setting up the TV and DVD player while Tina and I set the table and unpacked our Indian take-out.

Over dinner Zoe explained that for the raid on her old boyfriend's place to repossess her stuff we didn't need a plan so much as the right attitude and willingness to improvise in the moment. That was why our 'planning' was to be old heist movies.

Sure enough, we plowed through nearly a dozen movies, never getting to watch them all the way through. Zoe would just skip to the heist part and comment on things she liked or disliked in their burglary technique.

When she popped in the DVD of Disney's misguided “Mr Magoo” movie, I thought she made a mistake. But she shushed Tina and me as she fast forwarded to the heist scene.

When I saw Kelly Lynch in that 'sexy ninja' getup flying down from the ceiling of a cavernous museum like an elegant spider descending on her web, I knew I had triggered this image flashback in Zoe's mind with my earlier joking reference to the original Mission Impossible film.

“THAT is how I want to see you do it!”Zoe grinned at me from ear to ear.

“How high IS this guy's ceiling?” I asked, unable to hide my amusement. “...AND... I'm presuming he has a skylight.... or at the very least an HVAC junction box nestled into a dropped ceiling....”

Zoe pouted. “No. Just a stock shithole apartment over his shop on Tanner Ave. It's only a three story building , so we could drop through the ceiling. But we'd have to cut a hole through the roof....” Suddenly her eyes sparkled. “Did you ever see Terry Gilliam's 'Brazil'?”

I smiled and nodded. “Merry Christmas, Mr Buttle!” I laughed.

“God, that was my favorite movie as a kid!” Zoe got a faraway look for a moment then refocused.

“Um. That wasn't a kids movie.” I gently corrected.

Zoe smiled from ear to ear. “I know. My parents just saw it was a movie from that guy who did 'Time Bandits' so they thought 'for kids' and shoved me the video to keep me out of their hair.” She laughed.

I was beginning to better understand why my new housemate gave off a grown-up-Wednesday-Addams vibe

Then Zoe's face fell again. “That's how I'd LIKE to do it. Leaving a gaping hole in ass-brain's fucking ceiling. But we're probably better off just going in from the fire escape.”

We watched Zoe's movie playlist 'to get psyched for the job' she insisted, but it really helped us pass the time until it was late enough that all the stores on the old retail block would be closed and the people who lived in the apartments above them were too drunk, passed out or otherwise messed up to notice our little guerrilla 'repo action'.

When I asked Zoe if she ever did any performance art, she startled and asked why I would ask such a random question. I smiled and told her the outfits she had chosen for the 'operation' seemed a bit theatrical. She insisted that the all black outfits were extremely practical. I agreed, adding that they were practically theatrical. She just scowled and began ignoring my playful teasing.

I suggested the reason she wanted Chloe along on 'the heist' as I tauntingly referred to it, was because she had a Charlie's Angel's script playing in her edgy little mind. She shrugged it off, but didn't bother with a rebuttal.

“The reason I want Chloe along, is if we DO run into trouble, it will probably be easier for her to bat her eyes and talk her way out of any incriminating situations.”

I nodded. I did not want to get caught, but I figured getting caught as Chloe was the lesser of two evils, and I was more likely to talk my way out of something sketchy. Especially since I felt infinitely more comfortable and confident as Chloe than Tom.

We drove to the near abandoned part of oldtowne where 'dirtbag Zack' had his shop. It was within staggering distance of a few dive bars, but the streets were empty.

I pulled the van into the alley behind the building, squeezing in behind an overflowing dumpster and a loading dock stacked with empty wood pallets. This hid the van from anyone peering in from the street.

I thought we were going to climb the fire escape, but instead, Zoe told us to wait with the van and walked around the corner to the street.

About 5 minutes later she called to us from a third floor window. Tina and I clambered up the rickety fire escape and joined Zoe in dirtbag Zacks.

I nearly climbed back out the window instantly.

“Oh my God! What's that stench?” It burned like ammonia.

Zoe gave a bitter smile. “He's been cooking again. I opened all the windows to air the place out, but it will take a while. Meanwhile, use these.”

Tina and I stared at her as she handed us a pair of rather severe looking gas masks.

“Wow. You really thought of everything.” Tina laughed.

Zoe shook her head. “Nah. They were with my stuff. That idiot never even noticed them. He probably burned out half his lungs cooking his shit before he had the good sense to leave.”

“So how did you get in so easy?” Tina asked. “I remember your fight at work where you threw your housekey at him and nearly took his eye out.”

Zoe cocked her head and gave Tina a look that seemed to say 'Seriously?'

My laugh just slipped out. Both turned to me. Tina with curiosity. Zoe expectantly.

“Have you ever been to a locksmith?” I smiled. “Or even the hardware counter at WalMart? Zoe was not going to give away her only key when all her stuff was locked in here.”

Zoe nodded, pleased that she didn't need to explain.

“I figured that shitbrain wouldn't think of that.” Then her grin got positively wicked.

“Even better.... I have some pricey shit in those bins, and this isn't the greatest neighborhood, so I insisted on installing a security system. Ass-hat Zack figured it would keep his shit safe too.... even before he got the idiot notion to MacGuyver his own methlab.” Her humor was turning to ire, but she pulled it back and grinned again. “Thing is, he has NO fuckin' clue how it works and never cared. He let me do all the installation and learning how to program it. He just wanted to know the keycode.” Her eyes crinkled and she beamed a grin that was so out of place on her austere face. “....which I just fuckin' changed!”

Tina and I grinned at the thought that she didn't just break into her exes apartment, she changed the codes so that HE couldn't get into it without summoning the police.

Since it was apparent that Zack had left until the toxic stench dissipated, we knew we had time to leisurely and carefully move Zoe's stuff.

Zoe had a LOT of stuff. Mostly packed in plastic storage bins and some in metal road cases like a rock band or traveling theater company.

“What on earth is IN all this?” I asked rhetorically after moving the I-lost-count-long-ago travel case.

“If you're really nice, maybe someday I'll show you.” she purred with a twinkle in her eye that sent a wary shiver down my spine.

We managed to get everything out before sunup and barely got the van emptied before I had to get it to the rental place.

I topped the tank and parked it in the return area. I brought my paperwork in to the guy behind the desk and he shot me a long hard look.

“Where is.... Tom Saville?”

Oh crap! I was so exhausted I totally spaced. I rented the van as Tom, but after moving all night I just touched up my makeup and wearily returned the van.

The adrenaline cut through my fatigue like a welding torch to butter. I frantically fished around in my purse and pulled out my fake I.D.

“I'm his sister Chloe.” I smiled apologetically. “He was helping me move. We just finished a few hours ago, and the poor guy was so exhausted, I didn't have the heart to wake him. And I didn't want him to get penalized for bringing the van back late... so I figured after all his help, the least I could do was return the... um....”

“Only the individual who rents the vehicle is supposed to drive it.” he said sternly. “There's an extra fee and paperwork for additional drivers” He again looked at the license in his hand, turning it over and seeming to examine it. It was a good fake so I wasn't too worried. I think he was just being dramatic. He closed his hand over the license and took the keys I'd just handed in, slipping from behind the counter.

“Let's go examine the vehicle.” he said curtly, shoving my paperwork onto his clipboard and marching out to the lot.

He did a thorough inspection. A really thorough inspection. I felt like a cadet at a military school. I think all his officiousness was just for show.

He wrote down the odometer, checked the tank - which wasn't full when I got the van, but was now topped. I gave him a weak smile and got a nod for that. He walked around and examined it inside and out. This guy was thorough. He'd have made a great doctor or police detective. Finally, he stopped, harumphed, and beckoned me with his head tilt as we walked back inside.

“Everything seems to be in order.” He said curtly. “Still... there is the matter of the third party driver....” He shot me a slight scowl.

I blushed and shot him an apologetic look. “I didn't know. I was just trying to do a favor..”

He stamped the paperwork and handed me the customer copy while adding his pile to a stack.

“This never happened.” He said to me with a blank expression. I returned his pokerface with my own grateful smile. “And don't let it happen again.”

I nodded. He finally cracked the smallest of smiles.
“Have a nice day Miss.”

I nodded back, returning a smile of relief and quickly hurried out to catch the bus home.
When I returned, the place was littered with Zoe's 'tour cases'. Suddenly the once empty house didn't seem so cavernous. I shuffled to my room like a zombie and face planted in my bed.

When I finally woke to the sounds of constructive cacophony, it was past 4PM.
I staggered downstairs to see Tina barely able to control a giant floor buffer that seemed to have a mind of its own while Zoe was power-drilling into the walls and pounding in mounts for a huge flatscreen.

Both stopped their noisy activity when they noticed me staggering down the stairs.

“Afternoon sleeping beauty.” Tina teased.

“WHO slept in their makeup?...” Zoe taunted.

I just wiped the sleep from my eyes. Or maybe it was caked mascara. “...So shoot me...” I groggily replied.

They both laughed and warned that as soon as I was caffeinated and showered, I was being conscripted to the Martha Stewart brigade of the domestic goddess squad.
I gave a weary grin and went to wake myself fully. I was actually looking forward to helping. It was my place too now. I wanted a say in how things were set up.
**
We made a lot of progress. The place looked ...settled... as if we had lived there for years. The kitchen was all set up and I offered to cook us dinner. I hadn't cooked since I left home. Colin & Dale were greasy takeout guys, and our community refrigerator was an oversized beer cooler. Any time I'd try to put actual groceries in the vegetable crisper or the freezer, I would return home to find it unceremoniously tossed and the space taken with more beer or frozen bottles of Jagermeister.
It was a joy to cook again. I found I had missed it. After querying my roommates on their dietary restrictions - or downright quirks – I made a quick grocery run and tore into the kitchen.

Since our new home was in a posh development, it was a 'duh' moment to realize how close we were to Trader Joe's and Wholefoods. We would eat well and healthy, for less than my old roommates spent on pizza and hotwings.

The pan seared tilapia fillets and caramelized shallots, in my own secret braise – which actually came from a botched curry attempt, was a big hit. Perhaps too big a hit. Zoe proposed that I be the 'official chef' of the household. An 'honor' which I deftly dodged.
I was more than happy to make the first dinner in our new home, which I owed to the generosity of my housemates. And they seemed delighted with my ….unorthodox... approach to 'conventional' recipes. But I was not going to be immediately branded the Rachael Ray, Paula Dean, Barefoot Contessa or whatever foodie stereotype of our domestic triad. I would gladly share the cooking duties, and in fact I loved experimenting in the kitchen – which my housemates may come to rue – but I was not going to be the “Hi Honey, what's for dinner?” member of this household, and I made that clear in my own passive/aggressive way.

Tina was instantly cool with it. Zoe pouted a bit and warned us if we insisted on sharing the cooking duties than we waived our right to bitch about her choices on the nights it was her duty. Tina and I both laughed and readily agreed. I could politely pretend I wasn't hungry if Zoe tried to make a point and serve us something truly foul.

Tina cleared the table with me and helped with the dishes. Zoe fled immediately after espressos and gellato to go to her room and unpack her (re)posessions.

“So how does it feel?” Tina asked. I shot her a look, not quite sure of the question. “You're home now. Zoe and I both now about Chloe and Tom, so you're free to be yourself.”

I smiled and nodded. “Yeah. It's great. It will take a while to sink in.... so many things have changed....but it is a relief.”

Tina returned my smile. “So take advantage of the freedom. Relax. Be yourself.”

“....I think I am relaxed.... aren't I?” I smiled uncertainly.

“No. I mean be yourself.... be your real self.” she smiled warmly.

I'm sure my confusion showed. She regarded me for along moment, furrowed her brow, and finally let out a long sigh.

“Go be Tom.” she smiled warmly.

Now I was certain my perplexity showed. I just stared at Tina for the longest time until I finally processes it.

“Oh God. You think I'm F2M?”

Now it was Tina's turn to look lost.

“You think Chloe's been struggling her whole life to become Tom?” I'm afraid my smile may have betrayed my wry amusement.

Tina just stared at me blankly. She was now as lost as I had been moments before.
I couldn't suppress my laughter. I tried putting my hands over my mouth to cap it like an oil well, but I could not stop it.

“Oh God. You think I was born and branded female and struggled all my life to be Tom?”

Tina was really confused and I could see the emotion welling up on her face.

“Oh, God sweetie. NO!..... but thank you so much for the accidental compliment.... I'm not F2M.... female to male..... I'm M2F.... I'm trying to shed Tom and build a life as Chloe!”

Tina just stood there. Stunned. Processing.

“You mean you were born Tom... and grew up as Tom... and Chloe is...?”

I nodded. “The real me.”

Tina shook herself. “I thought.... I thought you were....”

“...A trans man?”

She nodded. “I mean. I've met some trans men. And when I met Tom and you showed me the....”

“..Tramp stamp.” I sighed.

“Yeah... I thought you were a genetic woman in the early stages of transition to male. I mean physically... you're pretty feminine....”

I nodded, smiling.

“...but your ...attitude... as Tom... it was a really convincing masculine attitude...”

“I've had a lifetime to practice.” I sighed.

“So, I saw this really masculine demeanor coming from this small, slender body... and when I realized Chloe and Tom were the same person.... I thought... Trans Man.” she blushed.

I smiled. I had never knowingly been mistaken for a Trans Man, but found it oddly flattering.

“So I had to live as Tom with my housemates, who I knew since middle school. And at work, since all my paperwork is Tom's.... except my fake I.D.” I winked. “And they weren't jobs I wanted to keep for a lifetime. They could last as long as Tom did. Which I hoped was not too terribly much longer.”

Tina nodded. The blush was fading.

I squirmed slightly. “So, does this change anything?” I asked with grave uncertainty.

Tina took a moment and shook her head. “No. I guess not. I'm surprised.... but I don't see how it should matter....”

I relaxed a bit.

“Zoe and I are both cool with Tom AND Chloe. So it's no big deal if we see more of one as time goes on.” Tina said with a warm smile.

“Well, Tom can do things like rent moving vans, so he won't be going away any time soon.” I said with mild distaste.

“And Chloe is a crazy good cook, and a badass bitch in her black catsuit doing B&E. ” she grinned.

I rolled my eyes. “I can't believe I let Zoe talk me into that.”

“You saw the movies she was watching to get in the mood to raid dirtbag Zack's.” she laughed. “After both Charlie's Angels and Heroic Trio did you think she was going to let you come on the raid in a frilly sundress? I've known Zoe a lot longer than you but you must know once she fixates on something, there's no talking her out of it. Just be thankful it was only that silly pleather catsuit.”

I snorted and shook my head. It was my first day in my new home and already my housemate was becoming a bad influence.

We quickly settled into our new routine. Tina had classes and study groups and hanging with her friends and working at the coffee shop. I had my two jobs and otherwise raced home to get back into Chloe mode. I had hoped to find the time to get back to my artistic ambitions, but household chores seemed to take more time than I expected. It's not as if my housemates didn't share the workload. Well, at least Tina did. And even Zoe was a substantial improvement over Colin and Dale. She didn't really help clean up, but at least she didn't actively contribute to the squalor, like my previous roommates. This place was far bigger, and far nicer than my old stag housing, so it required a lot more maintenance to keep it up. I did find the time to set up my PC and digital easel, but never made the time to actually put them to use. Somehow I felt like I was waiting for the muse.

Meanwhile, I got manic Martha Stewart around the house.

Zoe's dad showed up one day unannounced. Thank God I was in Chloe mode when he just used his key and entered.

I had to remind myself that this was 'his house' and we were technically caretakers, paying under-market rent in exchange for upkeep and squatting privileges.

I heard him come in and loudly say 'Hello?'. Tina was out and I hadn't seen or heard Zoe all morning. I assumed she was out as well.

“Hello?” I yelled back from the kitchen. I was a bit startled, but relaxed when I came (still discreetly carrying a large kitchen knife) to the foyer to find Zoe's dad.

“Oh, hey Mister B.” I smiled.

“Hello Chloe.” he smiled. “I was in the area, so I thought I'd drop in and see how you girls were settling in.”

I suspect his real agenda was a surprise inspection, to confirm that his plan was working and the two girls he vetted were indeed being good influences on his wild daughter.

I smiled apologetically. “I'm sorry. Zoe and Tina are both out. Please come in. Can I get you anything? ...coffee? Tea?”

Frank Boecher smiled and waved me off.

“Thank you dear. No. I only have a moment..... I just wanted to swing by and find out how you girls were settling in....” he said as he casually walked from room to room, clearly inspecting 'how we were settling in'. I was suddenly grateful for all the time I had invested getting the place tidy and together. I had not expected this surprise inspection, but found great relief knowing that our home looked quite presentable.

Zoe's dad nodded approvingly as he ambled from room to room. I sensed surprise on his part. Pleasant surprise. I volunteered to show him my upstairs room but explained that I obviously couldn't show him what Tina and Zoe had done with their personal spaces. He seemed to understand and waived off a tour of my room, saying he just wanted to see how we were settling in and if there was anything we were clearly in need of. I got the feeling he expected to find sleeping bags and inflatable furniture.

Finally, he made his way to the rather messy kitchen. He looked around and inhaled deeply.

“You caught me preparing tonight's dinner” I smiled apologetically. “It's my night to cook, and I wanted to make curry.... it takes a bit of preparation....” I smiled and shrugged.

“You're making it from scratch?” He regarded me with faint surprise.

I shrugged and nodded.

“Is this a regular thing?” he asked.

Again I shrugged. “Well, we all take turns... and we all have our ...particular styles... but today is my turn, and I had the day free, and everyone was cool with Indian, so I figured I'd make fresh curried veggies, palak paneer and lamb vindaloo.”

“And Zoe eats all that?” He asked.

I nodded. “We always clear it with others when it's our turn to cook. No one's too picky, and thank goodness no one has any food allergies.” I smiled. “So far we've been pretty much able to cook what we like, and there haven't been any complaints. So far.” Then I shrugged a smile “Then again, it hasn't even been a whole week.”

Frank laughed.

“I'm glad to know Zoe's eating well. Since she was about eleven, she wouldn't touch anything that didn't come in a greasy takeout sack.” He smiled.

“Oh, she still does that too.” I laughed. “Usually when it's her night to cook.”

Frank and I chatted amiably for a while longer and he politely left so I could get back to my 'chores'.

I think he was satisfied at his spot inspection, and relieved to find there were no 'girls gone wild' shenanigans going on. I doubted we'd be having any other unexpected visits anytime soon.

I told Tina about Frank's visit when she got home. She read it the same way I did. We were both curious for Zoe's take. When we finally saw her.

It was days later at about 6AM. I was sleepily shuffling downstairs to make coffee and get ready for work when I saw Zoe come out of her room headed for the upstairs bathroom. She was just in a robe, but looked like she'd been awake for hours.

“Hey stranger. Where you been?” I smiled.

She smiled back. “Nowhere. Work. Here. Work. Here. My social life sucks.” she grinned.

She didn't seem too upset about it.

“We missed seeing you. You even missed dinner the last few days, and Tina made her famous risotto!” I smiled.

She stopped and gave me a piercing look. “I'm a private person. Deal with it.”

“Sorry!” I stammered. “I meant no offense or imposition... it's just... we missed you.”

Zoe softened. “S'okay. Sorry I snapped at you. I just.... There are times I just.... keep to myself... sometimes for long stretches.” She scrunched up her face a little and I got the feeling she was going to say something but thought better of it. Then she got back that wicked Zoe gleam. “So don't worry about me. If you don't see me for stretches... it's just because.... I'm a wicked fucking hermit.” she smirked. “So unless you smell rotting corpse after not seeing me for a week or more, don't fucking stress about it.”

I shot her an uncomfortable look.

She just waved me off with a smile. “It's all good. Just leave me my space, OK?”

I nodded. She nodded back with a 'that's that' face and continued to the bathroom.

When Tina came down for coffee I told her about my Zoe encounter. I was relieved that she seemed as disturbed by it as I did.

“My cousin Jerry is bipolar. Until they knew what it was, he really freaked out the family when he first began manifesting.” She said.

“Do you think that's what it might be? Could it explain why her dad wanted her to live with others?” I asked.

Tina pursed her lips in thought. “Could be.... If so, I wish he... told us.”

“You were going to say 'warned us'...” I smiled. She nodded with an embarrassed smile.

“Maybe that's WHY he didn't tell us? He thought we might get scared off?” I mused.

Tina shrugged. “Look, we don't really know the first thing about Zoe's situation. I just knew her from work, but she seemed cool. A little wild... but cool at the core. That hasn't changed.”

I nodded. “True. I don't want to jump to conclusions. Let's just take this as one thing. She seems to be a recluse. She stays in her room for days at a time and doesn't even come out for meals. Doesn't have to mean anything more than she just keeps to herself.”

Tina seemed to agree. “If she really did have ….issues.... like my cousin Jerry.... there's no way she would be able to hold down a job without meds. And she's only missed work a few times... and every time she's mentioned beforehand what a wild night she had planned. That doesn't sound like mental illness.... just partying too hard. That happens to everybody sometimes.” she cracked a guilty smile.

I smiled back politely. Actually it had never happened to me, and I couldn't see that changing.

And so, life went on. And for me, for now, double life went on. I let Tina use my old Hyundai to get to classes and anything else she needed. And for her part, Tina got Tom to and from work. I could duck down when we left the garage and only pop back up when we hit the highway, so the neighbors never saw 'that guy' hanging out at the house full of girls.

Once in a while Zoe would grab me at work. I think it was less about Tina being busy than Zoe being bored. She would always show up looking like a badass biker bitch from some 70s exploitation flick... all leather, chains and ripped denim and say stupid stuff to me in front of others like, “C'mon baby. Time to ditch the Clark Kent and get back to the fortress of solitude... mama needs some tamin'....” with a wicked gleam in her eye.

My coworkers at office oasis were totally afraid of her. I tried to tell them she was a friend of Tina's with a twisted sense of humor, but I think they wanted to believe the dark and outrageous stuff she made up more than my lame and boring explanation.

The guys ...and women... at the courier office weren't freaked at all. They were intrigued. “Oh, yeah.... I've always had a thing for bad boys.... and behind all that mild mannered bike messenger disguise, this one's the baddest I've ever met!” Zoe would crow.

I knew what she meant by 'bad boy', and I could tell by the gleam in her eye she meant my coworkers and I to take it two different ways. I protested that she was making it all up and not to bust me for it. But the more I protested, the more she insisted that the boy scout act was just cover and that I was a raunchy wolf in sheep's clothing. As at my other job, my coworkers wanted to believe the more lurid story.

“Why do you DO that???” I asked in an exasperated whine once we got onto the highway and I could drop the Tom facade.

“Because it's fuckin' FUN!” Zoe gave me a wicked grin. “I can't believe these people even believe you're fuckin' TOM, let alone the crazed sex fiend bullshit I say. No matter how thick I lay it on, they just lap it up!” she cackled.

“Hey! YOU bought the Tom face the first time we met.” I protested.

“Yeah, cuz I hadn't met Chloe.” Zoe grinned.

“Yeah. And when you DID meet Chloe, you never made the connection.... until I made it for you.”

Her face got thoughtful, no doubt recalling our first meeting. She smiled. “Yeah.... that was before I fuckin' knew you. Now I do, and I can't believe anybody buys the Tom bullshit. You're Chloe. Acting all slouchy and emo boy, but it's all bullshit. I can see that now. I can't believe they all buy it.”

“Well they DO. And I like working..... and paying my part of the rent. So PLEASE stop messing with my coworkers?”

“No! It's fun. Maybe next time I should come with bruises and make some comment about the sex getting a little rough....”

“Oh God. PLEASE??? WHY do you have to mess with my friends?”

“I'm not fucking with them.” She said matter of factly, then she turned to me as I clenched, wishing she'd keep her eyes on the road. “I'm fucking with YOU!” she grinned.

I begged Tina to lie and say she was nearly there anytime Zoe said she would pick me up, explaining the stunts Zoe pulled and how my coworkers were starting to treat me in a new, unwelcome way. I liked being 'invisible boy' at work. But now people were coming up to me and saying outrageous things. Clarisse at the courier company invited me to check out her dungeon and one of my bosses at Office Oasis invited Zoe and me to a 'swap party' at his weekend cottage. Dianne the dispatcher slipped a recordable DVD into my courier bag and told me she'd love to see any vids Zoe and I wanted to share.

Tina just laughed nearly as maniacally as Zoe, but she shot me a warm sympathetic gaze.
“That's what you get moving in with a wild child!” she cackled. Then she put her hand on my forearm. “OK, sweetie. I'll try to keep her away from your work.” she soothed.

I thanked her profusely and explained that I liked Zoe and was totally cool with whatever her thing was... or things were.... but messing with my workmates was not funny to me.
She nodded and got it. Then she snickered and wondered if she wasn't allowed to play with me if she might start messing with Tina's schoolmates.

I laughed. “That's what you get moving in with a wild child!” And we laughed trying to imagine what kinds of sordid stories Zoe could make up to shock Tina's schoolmates.

Fortunately, Zoe remained scarce around the house. If she was in her room or not we could never tell. She was super private and we respected her privacy. Occasionally we would see her head out on a Friday night with what looked like a lot more than an overnight bag, and when we heard her sneak in, in the wee hours of Tuesday morning, the rather large rucksack made sense.

Meanwhile, Tina managed to go to school, keep an impressive GPA, work at the coffeeshop, a hipster collectible shop called 'Nostalgia Nook' that sold everything from vintage 'beat' era fashions to Esquivel and be-bop LPs, used books and items like 1964 worlds fair postcards and souvenirs. I don't think she worked there for the money, but because it allowed her to meet so many unique and eclectic people. Her writers mind was always working, and everyone she met provided material for her creative process.

One day she sheepishly asked if I'd read over some stuff she was kicking around. It was a story ...or maybe a serial... called “Contagion”. It read like a lurid 1950s pulp, and seemed like a fairly standard zombie tale. Only the more I read the series of seemingly unrelated vignettes, the more I saw the pattern unfold. It read like a zombie story, but I realized it was told from the point of view of the zombies. Only they didn't know they were zombies. Just that it was slowly dawning on them that somehow they had become 'other'... and no one in the 'real world' wanted any interaction. As I read on, I realized these zombies were once ordinary citizens who had somehow slipped through the cracks and become outsiders, shunned by 'decent' society. Soldiers who, as idealistic young people did the patriotic thing and enlisted, only to find themselves witnessing ...and sometimes doing... things that would change them forever, and when they were finally used up and sent home, they found themselves wandering through a country they could no longer recognize and shunned by the people they enlisted to protect. Other zombies were single moms with young families living on the street after financial or domestic catastrophe, elderly people who had lost everything to swindlers, entire social groups – people of certain ethnicities, refugees from particular countries, LGBT folk, and others who suddenly found themselves branded 'outsiders' and 'threats to the status quo'. These social outcasts were the new zombie army. Feared and despised by 'the normals' because ordinary people recognized themselves in the outsiders, and the presence of the 'zombies' made ordinary people realize how close they themselves were to this sort of spreading dis-inclusion.

After about a week, she couldn't take the wait. Tina cornered me and asked if I read it. I admitted that I read it multiple times and got more out of it... actually more into it with each rereading. She hesitantly asked whether I thought it might work as a book, or maybe a series of short stories.

Rather than answer her, I held up a finger, asking her to wait while I dashed up to my room and got my tablet.

I showed her some stuff I'd sketched out and meekly suggested that I saw her story as a powerful graphic novel. Only I changed the title from 'Contagion' to “Plague Diaries'.

Her eyes went wide as she saw my interpretation of her story. How, when the story was told from the point of view of the 'zombies', it had a bleak 19th century woodcut, Edward Gorey look to it. And when told from the point of the 'normals' it had more of a Norman Rockwell feel to it. And how when a character or group was slipping to the 'darkside', their P.O.V. would slowly morph from the rosy style to the bleak style.

The more we talked about this, the more excited we got about collaborating on her story. Tina's powerful tale was the inspiration I needed to finally pick up my stylus and rediscover my own inspiration. It also gave Tina an opportunity to test her ideas about marketing her work.

Her ideas were sound. It didn't take too long for 'Plague Diaries' to generate buzz. We'd tease out installments on the web and made full tales, each a self contained short story set in Tina's rich world. It reminded me of an anthology series set in the same fictitious world.

She worked out a deal with small publish on demand services and offered her tales on epublishing and physical books that were a vague mashup of a comic book and an old 1990s style self published zine. Neither of us dreamed of quitting our day jobs, but the modest returns from our little collaboration was a tremendous validation that people actually seemed to enjoy the stuff we made.

We even got a few inquiries from people who claimed to be interested in publishing or syndicating our work. While flattered, we put them off, claiming this project was just beginning, and suggesting that if they were still interested later on, we should stay in touch.

Tina did make one deal. Working with a large publisher of magazines distributed throughout the world in a variety of languages. She ran it by me and of course got my approval, since I always considered it her story and I was just interpreting it through my images. I would send the publisher the master artwork for a story completely stripped of text and Tina would send the story notes in a separate attachment so that versions could be customized for each market and language.

Much as my old roomies would get lost in their first person shooter games and some of my coworkers became completely immersed in world of warcraft, Tina's world attracted a surprising number of fans. Or as she called them 'enthusiastic immigrants'.

I always gave all the credit to her. It was her world, her story and her imagination. I just put a tiny little Prince-like glyph which was a convoluted graphic jumble of 'Saville'. I remained blissfully anonymous for the longest time, but eventually Tina mentioned to some fan that she didn't do the art, and chose not to volunteer any information before talking to me.

The buzz over the 'mystery artist' snowballed the more I tried to protect my privacy. I enjoyed being an enigma. Who I was in people's imaginations seemed much more interesting than my rather mundane real life.

One day at Office Oasis I handed a customer his logo decal so he could write off his Fiat 500 as a 'company car'.

“Hey!” he seemed indignant.

I shot him a confused and querulous look.

“This looks like that ….thing.... like from those Plague Diaries...”

I didn't have to act surprised.

“For chrissakes, be orginal” he sneered. “Anyway, you suck at it!”

I could only smile. And nod. And apologize - offering a free re-do, while laughing inside at this idiot. I guess our little project went more viral than I thought.

Tina gave me a page on her P.D. site for sketches and artwork. I used it to workbook stuff and got encouraging feedback. We even got a number of private messages asking if our 'originals' were for sale. Tina and I exchanged blank stares. Her originals were .docx files, and my originals were done in sketchup and Photoshop. Did they want us to ftp them our data files? We laughed at the thought of analog fans in a digital world.

Finally, we decided to throw together 'collectible' packets, with Tina's hand scribbled notes and my pencil sketches of how I thought her scenes should look. We would send this, along with 11-17 mock ups of our finished pages I printed on the good printer at office oasis. I made sure that we never repeated 'originals' and only offered bits we hadn't previously sold, so in a sense they were one-of-a-kind originals... only our actual process involved her sending me a word file and me sending her a graphic file. There was never any actual physical copy until someone wanted to buy 'the original' and we 'etsy-d' a physical copy to sell as a collectible.

It was becoming a lucrative side business, but was still more of a labor of love. Neither of us was ready to 'quit our day jobs'. Tina still had college and work, and I had my two part time jobs and my fabulous social life. Which was made much easier since I could freely be Chloe.

One day as I was breezing out for dinner and clubbing with friends, Tina asked me about my friends. I stopped and had to think about how to respond.

I raised a finger and smiled. “That's a simple question with an answer that's surprisingly..”

“...Complicated?” Tina rolled her eyes with a laugh.

I returned her smile and nodded. I promised her the full story when we had the time.

That time came a few weeks later. Tina was heading back home for the wedding of one of her cousins. She was muttering about bus schedules when, impulsively, I offered to drive her.

She was stunned at the offer, but almost instantly took me up on it. I used the excuse that I was in need of a change of scene and that I had never visited South Carolina. I could go and act all touristy while she hung with her family and childhood friends. Then we could meet back up for the ride home and she could tell me all about the wedding.

I had already scouted out a B&B near Greenville that had good online reviews. I would drop Tina at her folks' and go off to see the sights.

It was only a few states away, but it was still a long enough drive for Tina to grill me on my often mentioned, never seen friends.

“Are these real friends, or imaginary friends?” She needled me with a smile. “I mean, are they like ...umm Nina's friend Binnie on Just Shoot Me? Or Niles' wife on Frasier? ….Do they really exist? And then, why haven't I met them?” She smiled.

I indulged myself an eye roll then focused back on my driving.

“They most definitely DO exist!” I laughed. “And you haven't met them because....” I thought long and hard. Then I quietly smiled. “Yeah. You really should meet them. But first, there's some things you should know.”

And since we had the time on the long drive, I took the long way on my story. Talking about my early life. How I remember being a happy little kid. Mostly due to cluelessness. How I thought I was just an average kid, even though I was the only little kid in a neighborhood full of elderly people. I was never lonely. I had a good imagination and could entertain myself. On bad weather days I would happily curl up and read. I explained to her how I loved comics from the first one my mom ever bought me. I was instantly hooked on the stories of people who seemed so mundane in their daily lives, but in the secret parts no one could see, they were special in their own way. On nice days I would live outside. Wandering the neighborhood visiting the old folks who I realized later, sort of adopted me as a surrogate grandchild. I also got along with other kids, since my parents would often visit their friends, all of whom had kids around my age. I always took great pains to be a good guest. Knowing that they didn't ask to be thrown together with me while our parents hung out. I always acceded to what the other kids wanted to do, knowing it was their home and I was just – from their perspective – an uninvited guest. I was as involved or apart from their activities as they wanted. It seemed to work, because before too long we all became genuine friends. That was the case universally, with all my parents friends and their children.

Tina listened patiently as I spilled my entire backstory.

“Only later did I realize there was tension because we all got along so well. I hadn't paid any attention to the fact that all my parents friends happened to have only daughters. But my father did.

Eventually my parents started hanging out with new friends. Who had boys. I took small consolation that the relationships seemed to go as badly for the adults as it did for us kids.

So I wasn't totally surprised when I started school and almost instantly became the outcast. The girls wanted nothing to do with me, not just because I was a 'smelly boy' but because, even worse, they thought I was mimicking them.

The boys wanted nothing to do with me either. Until it occurred to one of them, that I might be fun to play with. As prey.

So that defined my early school years. By middle school I had learned to mimic the boys and stopped being such a target. I simply became invisible. Which was an improvement. In high school, I fell in with another group of self-defined outcasts. The art kids. I enjoyed art and seemed to have a bit of a talent for it. But it was really just being part of a group – even if it was a group of outsiders – that appealed to me. As we got to know each other, I realized that I was even an outsider among the outsiders. Most people assumed I was gay. So I got propositioned a lot. Mostly by peers. Occasionally by teachers and other adults. I always tried to be nice about it, but made it clear I personally had no interest... not in them, not in anyone. I didn't tell them that I found the male body vaguely repugnant... including my own. Soon the word got out that ...even if no one believed I really wasn't gay... that it was pretty clear that I wasn't interested.

The one relation I kind of had was with Grace Coolidge. She was one of the drama kids. We got to talking one day and we just kind of clicked. She would sit and talk while I listened and sketched. I got to know every freckle and laugh line on her face. And for my part I would help her as much as I could. She did makeup and wardrobe and helped with set design. She was also a comic girl and a budding cosplayer. I would help her sketch costume designs, makeup looks and even stage sets for Drama club. I also helped her turn her favorite characters into patterns for her cosplay projects.

One day she asked for my help. She and her friends wanted to talk Mr Dunwoody the drama teacher into an idea. The Drama department was going to do another Shakespeare play – The Tempest, and Grace and her drama friends were rolling their eyes. I made a crack that they should do it as a live action comic with banished superheroes since people were always doing crazy reimaginings of the bard. I was just being snarky, but Grace got all excited and quickly sold some of her other drama club friends on it. The hurdle was getting it past Mr Dunwoody. So her friends Caleb and Jen started reworking the book into more Stan Lee than Bill Shakespeare, Jared and Glen worked up sets that looked more manga than marvel, but they really popped. I sketched out the ideas they described and slowly the idea didn't seem like as much of a joke. We began to think we might be able to get Mr Dunwoody as excited about 'breathing new life into the bard' as we were. But we also had to sell the actors. We figured the easiest way to do that was giving them scenes and lines they would kill for, and a look that would turn heads. Grace was totally inspired. She finally got to mash up her cosplay passion with her drama club side. We worked together on the costume sketches and, yeah, they were spectacular. She just had to actually make them. And sell the actors on them. The person she was most anxious about convincing was notoriously high strung, so she didn't want to go in with a work in progress. She asked me if I could be a stand in while she tweaked it. I of course agreed.

Courtney Matheson was the diva of the drama club, but she was also far more talented than the rest of the drama department combined. The problem was she knew it. So she was insufferable. If we couldn't pitch her on our reimagined Miranda, the whole plan would implode.
When Gracie asked me to help her with Courtney's new look I just rolled my eyes and sighed. Of course. Everyone already thought I was gay. And I had delicate features and a short, slim build. So of course she would want me to be the stand in for Courtney's wardrobe fitting and makeup test. I sighed. Grace was my friend, so of course I would do it.

Grace noticed Courtney and I were physically nearly identical. That is something I had managed to NOT notice until she had me in Courtney's costume while she placed pins and clips and made marks for her alterations. She then spun me around and did the manga makeup she wanted for Courtney's Miranda.

When she finished, she just stepped back and regarded me with this ...look... on her face. Finally, she got it together, swallowed hard and nodded and walked me to the full length mirrors.

I saw the same expression on my own face. Only it wasn't my face. It was someone else. It was a stylized flesh and blood manga character. 'Mangiranda' we had laughingly nicknamed her. She was surreal and hyper-feminine. Yet she was me. I recognized the features. I swallowed hard and recognized something else. Suddenly... and shockingly... I realized I was ….home.

I hadn't realized until that moment that I had been spiritually homeless all my life. I never recognized it until I suddenly and inexplicably saw the reflection in that mirror ...and found myself... truly saw myself... for the first time.

That day. That moment changed both of us. Changed both our lives. We both clearly saw what could not be unseen. Grace saw me and suddenly the friendship we thought we had was shown to be what it always was subconsciously for her. She was crushing on the girl she sensed in me. All of her gay thoughts had been brutally suppressed her entire life, but her attraction to me had slipped by her defenses because I was a guy, so it was 'normal' and therefore OK. And because she thought I was a gay guy, it was also safe. But the moment she saw me as I saw myself in the mirror, there was no denying it. The feelings had already slipped past the guards in her psyche. Now she had to face the fact that they were always for the girl we now saw in the mirror.

As for myself, it was no less shocking. I saw myself and grudgingly admitted that it was myself that I was seeing. And recognizing. For the first time. The person who would eventually become Chloe. Suddenly so many things in my clueless past made sense.

Grace and I quickly drifted apart. There was no acrimony. Just a shared, painful awkwardness. We had both awoken something in each other that neither of us had expected.

Over time I made my peace with my revelation and decided that I must be a crossdresser. I quickly got over any shame. It never felt dirty to me. Just at most a little rebellious. When I moved away to school, I was determined to explore being Chloe.

I learned of a local group of crossdressers. I guess it was a kind of social club. They were quite discreet and guarded their privacy fiercely. I reached out to them and was eventually granted an 'interview' at a local coffee shop. I guess I said the right things and passed the audition because I was quickly granted access. It was a joy to be with others like myself in a safe, accepting environment. I quickly made many friends, and nearly as quickly realized that I was as much an outcast there as I was among the art kids. I was not as into the wardrobe aspect as many of the other girls. We would often go out to dinner or clubbing – mostly to gay bars, where we felt safe from harassment. Ironically, I would almost always be mistaken for one of the supportive wives or girlfriends of my club mates. Over time, I realized I dressed more for comfort than excitement. I wasn't the only one, but we weren't the majority at the club. Over time, we all drifted away from the club scene but kept in touch with each other. Those are the friends I hang out with that you never see. Some live fulltime. Some just do it when they can. Some have very masculine frames and are obviously transgender, and have to deal with that daily. But they all are living their lives as they feel is right for them, and they are all loving and lovely people and dear friends. And.... they're my girlies.... And I'd love for you to meet them, because you're my friend too.”

Which earned me an 'awww' and an arm squeeze from a visibly moved Tina.

“I just have one question.” she grinned.

“Only one?” I smiled, keeping my eyes on the road.

“Whatever happened to The Tempest?”

My laugh was so loud in the tiny space of the car that it was painful. “They got an ambivalent OK from Mr Dunwoody and the actors. It was as amazing as we hoped. And the reaction was ...passionate.” I grinned. “The purists and the PTA hated it, but the students and more ...open minded... audience members, totally loved it. It quickly spawned a skirmish in the culture wars at school. The traditionalists won.” I shot her a quick wink before gluing my eyes back on the road. “Still, even Mr Dunwoody admitted that they put on a show no one would ever forget, and in its own controversial way, kind of became legend.”

“So it changed lives?” Tina grinned.

I nodded. “Two that I know of and probably more.” I laughed as the thought hit me. “I think Mr Dunwoody will be stuck doing Our Town and Music Man until he retires.... but I bet if he had it to do over again, he wouldn't change a thing.”

I felt Tina's eyes on me. “And if you had it to do over again. If you had a redo on agreeing to that costume fitting?”

I shook my head. “Stay ignorant? Not discover myself? Not a chance.”

Tina squeezed my arm. “Good. Because I can't imagine my life if I never met Chloe.”

I smiled. “Probably a lot more normal.”

“And a lot more boring.” she laughed. “I wouldn't take a do-over on any of it either.”

We both settled into a cozy silence as we drove the short distance left to her home.

It was very suburban. A modest brick house with hedges and a small front yard with tidy lawn and a flagpole. The driveway ran beside the house to a small garage in the back, but it was filled with cars.

I parked on the street and helped Tina with her bags. She let herself through the front door and bellowed into the house “Bellboy!” with a broad grin.

Very quickly a small army of people descended on the front foyer where Tina and I stood holding her bags. A large guy with graying hair who reminded me of J.J. Jameson without the cigar and moustache swept Tina into his arms and hoist her off her feet, spinning her around in their hug.

There were two other younger guys, each looking like newer clones of the older guy. They were all well over six feet and looked like linebackers. Or Call of Duty characters.

“Bambina” he exclaimed while he spun her around. Tina's joy quickly turned to self consciousness as the guy continued the hug rather longer than she did.

“How was your drive?” he asked, and before she could answer the woman beside him asked “Are you hungry?”

Tina beamed. “I just want to unpack before anything. But first, Mom, Daddy... this is Chloe.”

Her father raised an eyebrow and said ominously “The infamous roommate.”

I squirmed a little and smiled. I hoped he was kidding.

Tina just smiled, so maybe that was her father's sense of humor.

“Maria and Ken Aldoni” Tina waved towards her folks. “And my brothers Frank and Sal.” The two big guys smiled.

“Is Mike still deployed?” she asked. Her parents both nodded. Her brothers continued smiling at me, and I shifted self consciously.

“It was really great meeting you all..” I said putting down the bags “...but I'm sure you have lots of catching up to do... and wedding stuff... so I don't want to take you. I'll just be off to my..”

“Nonsense!” Tina's mother said. “We have all weekend to catch up. You can't run off without a bite to eat.” I could tell from the tone of her voice that it would be a major insult if I refused her offer.

“That's really not neccess...” I began and saw her face begin to cloud “...but it's awfully generous of you. Thanks.” Clouds dissipated. Storm averted.

“Besides.” Tina's dad said, fixing me with a look. “We have to find all about our little girl's roommate.”

Her two brothers just nodded, smiling. I didn't like their hungry look.

I don't know if Tina's dad caught my hard swallow.

Tina's mom reheated some manicotti and fixed a fresh garden salad.

Tina's dad handled the grilling.

“So how long have you two known each other?” He stared at me.

“It feels like a lot longer that it's actually been” Tina laughed. “It's really just been over a month, but it's like we've known each other forever. Sometimes someone comes along and you really click.... you know?”

Tina's mom nodded smiling. Her father almost hid his grimace.

“You met at work.” He said dryly.

I shook my head. “Oh no. We met before Tina started at the coffee shop. We …..uh...” I had walked full-speed into a corner. I seriously doubted Tina wanted to share with her mom and dad the 'lucky top' encounter. Thankfully, I was rescued by Tina's interruption.

“We bumped into each other at a local ….restaurant.” She blurted. “Chloe rescued me from a bunch of jocks....”

“The bod squad” I smirked.

Tina snorted and nodded.

“Bunch of blowhards.” I muttered. Tina lost it, knowing my true meaning and went red in a fit of giggles.

Her parents gave us a puzzled look. I tried not to catch Tina's contagious laughing, and mostly succeeded.
Tina waved dismissively as she tried to compose herself.

“There's a longer, ...funnier, story there. And I'll tell it when there's time....” Tina smiled, then quietly added “..and some distance.”
Her mom nodded with a small, knowing smile. Her dad scowled.

“So you knew each other before....?” He let the question hang. We both nodded.

“And then the opportunity to move in together came up and we seized it.” Tina beamed.

“It was a great opportunity for both of us.” I interjected. “Tina is SUCH an improvement over my previous roommates.” I gushed.

Tina gave me a warm smile and hand squeeze. Her father caught that and I saw his brow begin to rise before he caught and stifled it.
Tina seemed oblivious to this fleeting interaction. Maybe that was for the best. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was in her father's gun-sight.
Tina's mom interrupted the awkward moment.

“Chrissy. Becky Lundquist called and wondered if you were coming back for the wedding. She wants you to call her.”

I mouthed 'Chrissy?' to Tina, who jut rolled her eyes with a slight smile/grimace.

“Thanks mom.” Tina smiled politely. We seemed to be off the inquisition of Tina's roomie, which seemed much more ominous than the chat with Zoe's parents. Who, looking back on it, just thought of me as Chloe's cousin who got roped into moving the entire household. So maybe there was less emotional involvement.

Tina instantly whipped out her phone. Her dad seemed annoyed at this 'inquistion interruptis”. He scowled slightly and got up, leaving the kitchen, but stopping at the door and shooting me a glance.

“We still need to talk... one-on-one. I want to know all about my little girl's roommate.”

I felt the blood leave my face as my mouth went dry and I could tell from his menacing smile, my eyes saucered.

Tina chatted animatedly on the phone for a few minutes, then put it back in her purse and turned to me.

“My friends want to meet up. Any chance I could catch a ride?”

I smiled. “Sure. I want to check into my B&B, but I can drop you on the way” I smiled.

Tina gave a little pout. “Oh. I was hoping you could meet my friends. And that they could meet you.” she said with a slight trace of dejection.

I shrugged. “Well, sure.... but it really will have to be a quick 'Hi' and 'Bye'... I really have to check into my room.

Tina brightened a bit. “OK. You don't have to stay long. I just want you to meet them and for them to see I'm making fabulous friends while I'm off at school.” she smiled with a wink.

Out of the corner of my eye, I think I saw her father stiffen.

“I'm just going up to my room to change. C'mon. Let me show you my room.” She smiled and reached out for my hand.

I could sense her father looking daggers at me. I didn't know what he knew, but until I found out, I would play it safe. I pulled my hand away with a polite smile.

“I'll just wait here.” I said cheerfully. I felt her dad relax ever so slightly. “Don't be long.” I smiled. Really hoping and praying she would NOT be long.

Ken sat back at the kitchen table and gestured for me to sit. It was probably just hospitality, yet I still couldn't shake the feeling I was being interrogated. And he definitely vibed 'bad-cop'. I guess that would make Tina's mom 'good-cop', but she seemed unaware of her role or anyone elses.

Tina's dad just reclined into the chair back and steepled his fingers on the kitchen table. He stared at me. Expressionless. Unblinking. Not saying anything. Just.... staring. If he was trying to make me uncomfortable, he was wildly successful.

“So, Sue...” He finally broke the silence. “Tell me about this place you share with my baby girl.”

From the tone of his voice, I knew he intended to rattle me. But instead he just confused me. I blinked at him trying to process. And when I failed, I just asked.

“Um. Did you just call me Sue?”

He just sat there. Expressionless. Studying me.

“Why did you call me 'Sue'?” I was really confused.

He just stared.

“I'm, uh... Chloe.”

“Of course you are.” he said quietly, eyes still boring in to me.

I think he was trying to intimidate me somehow, but he was really only getting me more perplexed.

“Tina introduced us when we arrived.” I reminded him. No response. Just that damned stare.

Finally I fished in my purse for my wallet. “Don't you believe me? Do you need to see my license?” I began to open the wallet, ready to show him my never-questioned fake I.D.

He just waved it off.

“Put that away. Did Christina tell you anything about me? Anything at all?”

I nodded.

“Didn't you think when my little girl calls and tells us she's met someone and is moving out of the dorms to move in with them, that I wouldn't at least attempt to do a background check?”

I swallowed hard and nodded. Oh crap. Her dad, the still connected security guy ran a background check on me. I always took great care to leave as few footprints as I could online, but I knew he was ex military and no doubt still had friends in homeland security.... and now that he was a private security guy, he might also have access to people in ...other, sketchier groups who could snoop in places the 'proper authorities' were not allowed. He probably knew all about me. But I was going to make him tell me. I was not going to spill anything. And if he was such a super sleuth, one thing still bothered me.

“So why did you call me Sue?”

I was certain he did it to rattle me, but it backfired. My continued confusion was winding him up.

“Enough with the innocent act. I have a dossier on you as long as my arm. I have no idea how you managed to keep such widespread and public behavior a secret from your own parents. Maybe they're clueless, but I doubt that. Your father's too sharp to be clueless. I presume they're just turning a blind eye. But still, I can't understand how anyone, unless he was clueless, could supply you the means to seduce and corrupt my daughter.” His voice was quiet and menacing as he glared at me.

All I could do was furrow my brow and tilt my head. I knew this guy was trying to be scary, but it wasn't working.

“You're making no sense.” I said, making no attempt to hide my bewilderment. “I must be missing something here because I have no idea what you're saying.”

He narrowed his eyes and regarded me. “Really?” He finally said, nearly under his breath.

It was clear he was trying to out-bluff me. But I wasn't bluffing. I truly had no idea what on earth he as talking about.

“Why can't I believe you?” He said through a tight and ominous smile. “You get your father to set you up in this big house.... far too big for one person... and then you lure my daughter to move in with you.... to seduce her? ...to recruit her?” He near whispered. The quiter he got the more menacing he became.

I just sat there staring at him, confusion on my face. His reaction told me he noticed instantly when I had the 'ah-ha!' moment. Although I don't think he was expecting my wide smile.

I couldn't resist my chuckle. Super-spy did his due diligence, but his intel was faulty.

“My father didn't set me up anywhere.” I tried to dampen my grin, but I was enjoying this.

“I don't know whats in that 'dossier as long as your arm'....” I made gleeful air quotes. “But I'm guessing it's on Zoe....”

Now it was his turn to be confused.

“Zoe Butcher?” I smiled. “Tina's other roommate.... I mean our other roommate? It's her dad's place. Tina told me about it because she knew about my ...less than ideal... roommate situation and she was eager to get away from the dorms. She knew Zoe's dad wanted her to have at least two other roommates, so she asked me.”

Tina's dad just stared at me. Only this time it wasn't that intense inquisitor's stare. He looked like a really disoriented golden retriever.

“It's an easy mistake to make. Chloe. Zoe. God, we sound like members of a 1970s pop group!” I grinned. “Let's start from the top...” I pushed my chair back and stood, extending my hand to the still-sitting Ken.

“Hi. I'm Chloe. Chloe Saville. Ti....Christina's other housemate.”

“Chloe... NOT Zoe....” He kind of muttered. I nodded, and continued beaming my friendly smile, although inside I was wondering just what this guy's game was.

“Chloe.......?” He was still rather perplexed.

“Saville.” I repeated. Still smiling.

“S-a-v-i-l-l-e?” He spelled it out. I nodded again.

“Very good. And on the first try.” I grinned. “Did you ever work for a dictionary?”

He just looked at me. The confusion was fading quickly, and once again the scary face was returning. I was sure before the day was out he was going to have his spies digging up everything they could on ME. And I was hoping I had covered my tracks as well as I tried.

This guy was still creepy, but I wasn't as intimidated as I had been. All his snooping and he seemed completely unaware that his daughter had TWO housemates. So he wasn't infallible. Suddenly I felt a lot more confident that I might be able to keep Chloe apart from Tom.

He regrouped.

“So the three of you live together?”

I nodded.

“What do you know about this ….Zoe...?”

I could hear the air quotes in his voice. I played a hunch.

“You mean Sue?”

His eyebrow shot up and his eyes narrowed. He nodded.

I smiled.

“Ha! I don't know much at all about her. Tina met her at work and told me about the roommate thing. Zoe's dad insisted. She's kind of …..edgy. I got the feeling he wanted her to have positive role models, since from what little I know about her, she seemed to be really bad at finding her own. As for the Sue thing.... I don't know a thing, but you used the name when you thought I was Zoe.... so I figured there was something in that 'dossier as long as your arm'.... so why don't YOU tell ME?” I grinned.

Instantly his body language got very defensive. He leaned into himself crossing his arms and scowled at me. He did not like having the tables turned. He said nothing.

I waited a while, and when it became clear he was not even going to acknowledge anything I said, I plowed forward.

“I'll take that as 'no comment'... whatever...” I smiled dismissively. “I'll just find out for myself. Let's see if my intel is better than yours.”

He twitched. This guy was not happy. But after the way he treated me, I could not care less.

Tina bounced back into the room, looking much younger and more carefree than I was used to. I don't know if it was something unconscious about her being in her childhood home, or if it was deliberate before meeting her old high school friends, but she looked about 17.

“All set! Let's go.” she said breezily as she swooped in to give her father a peck on the cheek. “Bye daddy.” She chirped and spun to her mother who was sorting stuff in the refrigerator, although I really think it was her way of being present but not a part of the room during the conversation between Ken and me. “Bye mom. I'll be back in time for supper.”

Her mom turned to smile and opened her mouth to speak, but Tina cut her off with a grin.

“I promise. I will NOT spoil my appetite.” Tina's mom instantly calmed.

Tina ducked in and grabbed me by the hand. “Let's go!” she chirped as she nearly skipped out of the room with me in tow.

“So what did you guys talk about while I was upstairs getting changed?” Tina grinned. “Did daddy grill you for all the dirt on our 'girls gone wild' house?” She laughed.

I smiled back.

“Actually, he didn't. All he seemed to want to talk about was ….me.”

Tina grimaced slightly. “Sorry. I should have warned you. He gets a little ...overprotective. I don't know whether it's because I'm 'the baby' of the family...” I caught her air quotes in my peripheral vision “...or because I'm the only girl.... but he's always been like that.” Then she laughed. “Oh, God... some of the stuff he did to my dates in high school.... just be thankful you're not a BOY!”

As soon as the words left her mouth, I caught the movement out of the corner of my eye as her hands clapped over her mouth. I could just imagine her mortified expression.

“Oh, GOD!” she exclaimed. “I'm SO.... I mean... I never meant....”

I laughed, which seemed to calm her fluster.

“T....” I said, not realizing at the time that I had never used Zoe's nickname before. “S'okay.” I chuckled. “I get it. And yeah, I'm sure it would have been brutal.... but weirdly, better in ONE way....”

THAT distracted her. I gave it a moment, focusing on my driving.

“....At least he wouldn't have confused me for Zoe.” I laughed.

Now she was really confused. And the more confused she got, the funnier that whole uneasy encounter began to feel.

“What? He thought you were....”

“Apparently he didn't know you have TWO housemates.” I interrupted.

I could feel her staring at me.

“What exactly DID you tell your parents?” I asked.

“Um. I always talked to mom. My dad's not a big phone person. I told her.... I thought I mentioned.... I MUST have told her.... ….didn't I?.....” she muttered to herself.

I caught her shrug in my peripheral vision.

“Well, I don't know whether it's like a game of....” I chuckled at the irony “...telephone...” I grinned “...or what, but your dad seemed to only know about Zoe. And apparently he knows a LOT about Zoe. Or thinks he does.” I grinned.

Tina groaned. “I told him to STOP doing that!” She nearly growled. “Oh, God. In high school I was nearly undate-able! He went all 'background check' on guys who asked me out and freaked the hell out of them. Soon word got out and I was untouchable. I finally came right out and asked a guy who I KNEW liked me. I figured I had nothing left to lose. Finally, he admitted the stories he heard from other guys. I was nice and all, so they weren't talking about me. But the things they said about my dad.... and I knew they were all probably true. Maybe exaggerated a little, but then again maybe not. I could totally see him doing all those things. And at other times and circumstances, I had. My brothers are all still kind of afraid of him.”

I chuckled. “Yeah. He sort of freaked me out at first. But when I realized he thought I was Zoe and had no idea you had another roommate, I realized he was NOT infallible.... and... kind of turned the tables.” I said the last bit almost under my breath.

Tina gasped. “You DIDN'T!!!” I could hear the glee in her voice.

I nodded with a grin. Eyes still on the road. “I don't think he was expecting THAT.” I chuckled.

“Ohmigod! What did he DO???” She laughed.

“Didn't really have time to do much. That's about when you popped back into the kitchen and spirited me away.” I smiled. “But at least now he knows you have two housemates.”

I sensed her nod.

“...And I presume at this moment he's probably preparing his background check on ME.” I smiled.

Tina started to chuckle, which was interrupted by a sharp gasp. “Oh, shit!”

I reached out and squeezed her arm. “Yeah. But don't worry. I spent my life building a firewall between Chloe and Tom. ….And he proved by mistaking me for Zoe that he's not perfect. So I have no reason to doubt that it will hold.” I tried to reassure her. And myself.

We got to the Applebees by the mall and Tina recognized some of her girlfriends cars. I dutifully followed her in and met Becca, Lauren and Susie. Which reminded me. I leaned into Tina and whispered. “Remind me to ask you about Sue.”

Tina gave me a perplexed look as her eyes darted to her friend Susie.

“No. Another Sue. Not here. Something your father said. Remind me later.” I whispered.

Tina nodded and I got to chat with her friends awhile before heading off to my bed and breakfast and getting all touristy.

I settled into my bed & breakfast, which was just as charming as it seemed online.

I met Charles, the proprietor and his mom, Mrs Claypoole. After I got settled, they invited me downstairs to share tea. We chatted and I got an interrogation every bit as thorough as Tina's father. Only this was amiable and seemed based on genuine curiosity. It was also 'full duplex' as my father the engineer would say. I learned at least as much about them as they did about me.

Charles loved to travel, and during the year between high school and college, he decided to 'see the world' with his mother's blessing. Charles, it seems, was an only child and was always close to his mom. Mr Claypoole seemed to have been out of the picture nearly forever. When I brought him up, mother and son just brushed it off. It didn't seem to be a painful or secretive part of their past, he just seemed... incidental and inconsequential.

So, doting mother and precocious adoring son, stayed a tight unit. I remembered the relationship between son and mother in 'Garp' – which I read in high school. And I got a similar vibe from these two strong, supportive souls.

When Charles informed his mom that he wanted to 'repurpose' his college fund to continue traveling and learning about the world, I was not surprised to learn that she enthusiastically agreed.

Charles actually did continue some informal studies at various schools in countries he visited. He would teach English as a second language, and as part of his arrangement, was permitted to audit various classes. So in addition to traditional learning, he was also learning about cultural variations, studying history, literature, social studies and even touches of philosophy and medicine, all from distinctly 'foreign' perspectives. He described it using a musical metaphor. Equating his domestic education as learning to play in a standard 8-note scale, with conventional rhythms and time signatures. As he traveled the world, he learned new instruments and tonal structures and beat patterns, expanding his ways of looking at the world.

I smiled and nodded. Charles truly was a gallivanting ex-pat, a cultural nomad, roaming the world and soaking up different cultures like a sponge. He loved people, he was gregarious and quickly disarmed most of the folks he met who were inherently suspicious of strangers. He was a do-it-yourself cultural ambassador without portfolio... as curious to learn from the people he'd meet as he was to share his own stories of the other places he'd been and people he'd met.

Then his world changed when word finally reached him that his mom had taken ill. She had suffered a series of strokes and was in a nursing home. She was in the custody of social workers who were scrambling to find her next of kin. In a lucid moment, his mom had communicated enough to the social worker to put them on the right track. He was contacted by someone from the U.S. Consulate, and rushed home immediately.

It was clear from the moment he arrived, that his mom was not doing well, and may not ever be able to go home. After a thorough briefing from her social workers, Charles stepped up and began managing her affairs. She was alarmingly close to losing her house and having all her assets impounded to cover her escalating nursing home expenses. It took a good bit of wrangling with bureaucrats and a large dose of trust from the social workers on his mother's case, but eventually he was able to get everyone to come around to his plan. Since his mother wasn't getting any better in the nursing home, and the bills were just piling up, Charles finally got reluctant permission to get her released and taken home in his full-time care, with regular visiting nurse and social worker schedules.

The powers that be may have agreed to it as a form of home hospice care, yet within weeks it was obvious that returning to her own home under the full-time care of her doting son, Mrs Claypoole had not only stopped declining, but was slowly beginning to get better. The change in environment, and attention of a loved one, had seemingly resuscitated her will to live. Or as Charles laughingly put it, his mother got her 'mojo' back.

While she was getting steadily better, and eventually the time came when visiting nurse and social worker calls were no longer necessary, everyone knew they could not go back to their old pre-stroke lives. His mom could not live alone, and Charles could not walk away from her. They put their heads together, and came up with their plan. They would turn the home into a B&B. Charles would take care of it and his mom would help as she could. The income would help pay down the medical bills and she would no longer be in danger of losing her home. And Charles could still meet people. ….only instead of gallivanting the world, now he would have to draw the interesting people to visit him.

Charles was charming and loquacious, and his mother was gracious and mostly quiet, but every once in a while she would chirp up and add something which made a delightful garnish to our conversation. This spry and lucid little old lady was a far cry from the description of the stroke victim wasting away in the nursing home. I had no doubt that her son's personal sacrifice not only saved her life but restored its quality. They were captivating company, and I was stunned to realize how much time had passed while we chatted over tea.

I wanted to see the town, but it was already well into the evening, so I decided to get a good night's sleep and 'do the town' well rested the next morning. As I went to put my phone on its charger, I noticed a text from Tina.

“Thanks for meeting my friends. They love you and say I did well ;-)”

I grinned at texted back. “Glad to hear. I thought they were great too. …..Could any of them talk with your dad? :-)”

I woke to the aroma of bacon and coffee. I imagine I sleepily floated down to the dining room like one of those cartoon critters wafted on the vapors of that amazing olfactory bouquet. In reality, I likely staggered into the kitchen like a zombie.

“Morning sunshine!” Charles chirped. “This isn't really part of the package, but after our delightful chat last evening, I thought you might appreciate a home cooked breakfast.”

I flashed a groggy smile. “I thought 'Bed & Breakfast' implied a cozy pace to sleep and maybe cheese and a muffin in the morning.... You really shouldn't have.” I halfheartedly protested. Charles shot me a grin. “...but I'm glad you did.”

He happily turned back to his stove and flipped the slices of bacon sizzling in the pan.

“While bacon is maybe my first true love, we're.... spending some time apart.” I smiled patting my thighs. “Although I'm sorely tempted to ask you to put those slices in a bag so I can huff the aroma.”

Charles laughed loud and hard and nodded with a smile.

“Please don't tell me you don't do coffee!” He mock pleaded, pouring a fragrant cup and handing it to me.

I let out a theatrical sigh and accepted his cup, addressing it in a very Blanche DuBois delivery. “I know you're no good for me and will someday bring me to ruin.... but I just can't quit you!”

Charles laughed. “So, if you don't mind me asking, what are your plans for the day?”

I cradled the coffee cup in my hands and gazed into space, considering his question, mindlessly drumming my fingers on the coffee cup.

“I've never been here before. I guess I'll explore the town... you know, artist spaces, galleries, performance venues... that sort of thing. I guess I'm on a quest for culture.”

“Godspeed, Margaret Mead!” Charles laughed. “May I suggest a few spots? Just to save you some time thrashing through the cultural ….underbrush?”

I beamed at him. “That would be most appreciated.”

“Not that the thrill of discovery isn't delicious, but I know all about poking around relentlessly until you find something worthy of your time and attention.” he smiled.

I nodded, then said quietly “Do you miss it? Roaming the world?”

Charles smiled. “I loved every minute of it. But my mom needs me now. The world will always be there.”

I reached out and squeezed his hand. “You're a good son. She's lucky to have you.”

“And I'm lucky to have her. When I hear some of the stories from friends....” He involuntarily shuddered. “....well.... I guess we're lucky to have each other.”

I nodded. “So what do you do when you're not ….minding the manor?” I smiled.

Charles shrugged. “The usual. Nascar. Pool Halls.... Titty bars.” He deadpanned.

I lowered the coffee from my lips and raised a skeptical eyebrow.

He couldn't hold his poker face. Charles erupted in a guffaw, then got serious again. “I help some friends who have a gallery downtown.... I won't say which one, but it's one of the ones on your list.” He grinned.

“I'll just have to ask everyone if they know you.” I grinned back.

“Oh girl, they all know me. How do you think I made you that list? All us art outcasts know each other! I'm also involved with the local community theater company and I help now and then with the drama department at our local community college.”

“Orchestrator? Choreographer? Lighting director?” I queried.

Charles smiled. “Set designer. Once upon a time I fancied myself an artist don'cha know.”

“You still are!” I smiled. “This place is the quintessential B&B. It's like the master from which every other one was copied.”

Charles blushed. “You are too generous in your praise mademoiselle. Keep that up and soon I'll suspect you're trying to charm me out of the deed to my momma's property!"

I giggled. “Not a bad idea. I could copy this place and franchise clones around the world as 'Mrs Claypoole's Original American Bed and Breakfast' I'd be the Disneyland meets McDonald's of B&Bs!”

Now it was Charles' turn to raise an eyebrow at me.

“Y'know” he said quietly. “That's not half bad..... A lot of the places I've been.... it would be a welcome novelty.....” and his attention turned from me to gaze into space, lost in thought.

I finished my coffee and gathered my things. “Thanks for the list.” I smiled. “I'm off to see your fair city.”

Charles' list turned out to be invaluable.

I was stunned by the creativity and adventurousness I saw in the venues he recommended.

I might have expected this in New York or Paris.... but in Greenville? It was such an advantage to have a skilled curator overseeing your explorations...

I saw some amazing art installations and some very ahead of the curve performances. It truly was a treasure trove of culture. When I spoke to the artists and curators they all laughed.

“Oh, honey.... don't give us swelled heads. We're just an odd distraction to the primary art forms in this city.” Lisa & Bo, a couple of really amazing performance artists gracefully dismissed my gushing.

When I shot them a perplexed look, they'd laugh. “Line dancing. Cover bands. Sing-along bars....”

“You mean Karaoke?” I asked. They shook their head emphatically.

“Too 'forrin' ...good-ole all-american sing-along bars.” They said with a look that made their feelings crystal clear. “THAT's the real art scene in this town.”

“So why don't you move?” I asked. “What I've seen looks like it would be right at home in New York or L.A. ….or Paris or Madrid.”

They shrugged. “Those places are all great. And they all have great art. Cutting edge stuff. Attitude changing stuff. We'd just be... at best.... more of it. But here... even if hardly anyone cares.... here... we're all of it.... our stuff stands out more here... has a chance to make more of a difference here... than it would in a city that already has plenty of world changing art. And, we love the people here, even if they really don't exactly love us back. They may not get us, but they let us do our thing, and they're at least gracious about the fact that they don't really get us. It's a comfortable climate... weather-wise and socially... nice people and affordable housing.” Lisa said.

“We may be on the outskirts of the art world, but for some of us who don't really need to suffer for our art, it's a comfortable place to be. And every now and then a nice stranger happens along and seems to really get us... and that makes it all worthwhile.” Bo grinned.

I blushed. “I must confess.... I had outside help. ….actually more like inside help.” I smiled and waved the piece of paper Charles gave me. Lisa took the list from my hand and looked it over. A look of wry amusement crossed her face.

“Charlie Claypoole.” She grinned to Bo, who nodded with a knowing smile.

I nodded sheepishly. He didn't even have to say 'I should have known'.

“He really is a one man chamber of commerce” I smiled. Bo nodded grinning.

“He should have a blog or something.... 'Hidden Greenville'.... a guide to the amazing art hiding in plain sight.” I muttered offhandedly.

Lisa lit up. “Yes. Yes he should! He's a charming storyteller. He should have a blog.... or a podcast.... he could tell tales of his world travels and intersperse them with interviews about interesting things going on around his current home base....” Bo was nodding enthusiastically, really liking this as the idea developed.

“And...” I raised a finger, getting caught up in the enthusiasm, “...he could talk about things going on around the vicinity of his new home base... Mrs Claypoole's B&B.... conveniently close to all of Greenville's hidden artistic treasures!” I grinned.

“So the blog and podcast cast a light on Greenville's undiscovered art scene and the perfect spot to stay when someone comes to see for themselves what they've read about on the blog or heard in the podcast!” Bo's eyes widened as if the words he was speaking was a revelation from somewhere else.

I grinned and nodded. “The blog & podcast are about the city and its undiscovered art scene, but the raconteur narrating it and the B&B he runs, are inherent product placement!”

“Ohmigod. That's brilliant!” Lisa gushed. “I can't believe none of us ever thought of that before!”

Suddenly Bo got silent, pulled back almost subliminally, and shot me a look.

With raised eyebrow he quietly muttered “....are you a muse?”

My laugh startled and disarmed him.

“God NO! I'm just an artist.”

I moved on to the next gallery on my list and was surprised to see a collection of very contemporary pieces... many of which seemed quite familiar. I'm sure many of them were from the 'deviant arts' website, but these all looked like original pieces. The exhibit was called “Gone in 60 nanoseconds – Ephemeral art and the sublime cloud” with an image of a sky with clouds shaped like Michaelangelo's Sistene chapel 'Creation', Mickey Mouse and Elvis.... all portrayed as cumulus Rorschachs. I got the premise immediately. Internet art was at once instantly pervasive and utterly ephemeral... like the image seared on the retinas of a crowd for a brief moment of time by a camera flash.

I was really enjoying the exhibit and the conceit behind it when I was jarred out of my reverie by one unexpected piece.

A zombie's-eye view of shoppers at a mall, all conspicuously ignoring the observer, whose perspective is the subject of the stark black and white woodcut-type image.

It was one of our “collectible” pieces from Plague Diaries. And it had a small card attesting to its source. Along with the asking price.

$500.

I couldn't resist. I whipped the phone out of my purse and shot a picture of the display card and price tag when I was immediately accosted by an officious gallery guy.

“No photographs! This is a gallery NOT a roadside attraction!” Bernard, the gallery owner glowered. “If you want it, BUY it! You can't just steal it to your iPhone!”

He was SO snooty, I couldn't completely suppress my smirk. He was like a cartoon of an art snob.

“Oh, PLEASE!” I replied haughtily and caught myself mimicking his demeanor. It was too easy to fall into that lampoonish caricature. With great effort, I damped it down and continued in my own tone of voice. “I'm well aware of most of this art. It's ALL available online in much better resolution than I could get on my phone!” I turned the screen to him, pointing out how I had focused on his description card and price tag. “I was just photographing the information card and price to send to my ….partner.”

Instantly his demeanor changed and he transformed from haughty offense to the model of unctuousness... though he was still haughty.

“Intriguing, no?” He whispered. “”A new artist from an exploding new internet serial.... are you familiar with 'Plague Diaries'?” He said quietly and ominously as if he was sharing directions to the fountain of youth, or the zipcode of the lost city of Atlantis.

I tried to suppress my smirk and nodded.

“Quite familiar.” I croaked, still trying to squelch my mirth.

“It's a sensation! Such brilliant storytelling.... it seems like another ordinary zombie tale.... zombies are all the rage right now.... but look deeper and there's so much.... subtext.... and those images.... like this.... the people at the mall.... all oblivious.... but all so subconsciously ….colluding.... to willfully ignore the truth staring them in the face daring to be seen....” he drew in a breath. “Powerful.... Groundbreaking. $500 is a steal! When this hits mainstream.... we're talking Warhol or Roy Lichtenstein prices.”

“Who is this next Warhol or Lichtenstein?” I inquired struggling to keep a straight face.

“His name is right here. The stories are by Taldone. He puts his name on every issue, but he let slip in an interview that he doesn't do the art. This is the artist's logo right here.” and he pointed to the nearly subliminal purple glyph on the otherwise stark black and white print.

“What does that say?” I asked the expert trying to sell me a $500 print from the good printer at office oasis.

“It doesn't say anything. It's a logo. The artist's imprint.”

“A glyph? Like Prince, when he was the artist formerly known as....?”

“Exactly!” He nodded enthusiastically. “It's like a brand. A trademark. An icon.”

“So. Not a name....” I said dejectedly.

He shook his head. “No. The artist guards his privacy above all else. That's why he only signs his work with this ….glyph... as you called it.” The guy was beginning to sell himself on his blustering sales pitch.

“How do you know it's a 'HE'?” I asked innocently.

“....Well..... just look at the starkness.... the ….brutality.... of this portrayal.... it's a graphic novel for chrissakes..... Alan Moore.... Frank Miller.... Art Spiegelman.... Daniel Clowes... Venditti.... obviously Taldone wouldn't hire a girl to bring his haunting story to life.”

“So, Taldone's a guy....” I said, with a hint of a question in my tone. He nodded.

“....Who hired this mystery artist to illustrate his story...”

“More than illustrate. The art and story are greater than the sum of their parts. There's an artistic symmetry that raises this beyond mere storytelling. This is epic. Prophetic. This is Homer. Orwell. Salinger. Gibson. This will haunt you for the rest of your life.”

It was a good sales pitch. He pretty much had me convinced.... at least convinced that he believed that hyperbole he was spouting.

“Next big thing, huh?” I asked rather skeptically.

He nodded emphatically.

“$500?”

He nodded again. I think he was beginning to believe there might be a sale here.

“Worth every cent. And sure to appreciate. This is just beginning to blow up. Soon people will be clamoring for these pieces.”

“But it looks like it was just printed on a giant industrial printer. It could be one of millions.... or just an internet file infinitely reproducible on giant printers.” I opined.

He shook his head. “Yeah. No. Sure.... it's possible... the files are online... but this is signed by the artist. Look. That's your guaranty of originality.”

I crossed my arms and regarded the piece. I had this guy on the hook and was savoring it.

“Mmmmm....” I muttered ambivalently. “Do you have a business card?”

He reached into his jacket and quickly proffered one with the speed of a gunfighter.

I fished into my purse and found my purple gelpen. I quickly jotted my logo on the back of his card and handed it back to him. His initial confusion at receiving his card back was compounded when he turned it over and stared at the back.

“It's not a logo. Not exactly. It's my last name. Very stylized... but my name. Saville. See?” and with the tip of my purple gelpen, the very same one I had used to sign the piece he was trying to sell me for $500, I pointed out all the letters stylized and stacked atop one another.

He shot me a look of profound incomprehension. It was a delight watching the clouds clear and seeing the slowly dawning realization bloom on his face.

“Taldone?” I said matter of factly. “That's my partner. T Aldone. Tina Aldone. Actually Christina, but she prefers Tina.... so T.... Aldone. Her story. Her world. I just give her world its images.”

His look was a mix of bewilderment, incomprehension, and a vague sense that he was really in the wrong place at the wrong time and had really stepped in it. Only he couldn't quite grasp what 'it' was. His profound disorientation had a surprisingly relaxing effect on me. I felt far less defensive and much more generous at bringing this poor schlub up to speed.

I reached into my purse and produced my wallet, letting it fall open to the clear pocket showing my fake I.D. I extended my hand.

“Hi. Chloe. Chloe Saville.” I smiled. The guy just continued to stare.

I smirked. Then regarded his $500 display piece. I shook my head with a grin.

“We've only been charging $35 each for these....” Then it occurred to me to shoot the guy a look. “Yes. Each is a one of a kind. The originals are all digital files from paintshop, but once printed and hand signed, I check it off my list. There are no two copies. Not originals anyway. And clever of you to notice they're all hand-signed in ink” I wiggled the gelpen in my fingers. “To validate originality.”

I turned back to regard the piece on the wall, or actually, the card under it with the description and the price.

“$500? Do you really think anyone will pay that kind of money for ….this?” and I waved at the piece.

He nodded, regaining his composure.

“Absolutely.” He deadpanned.

“Tina Aldone will be really mad when I tell her what we could have been charging for these....” I put on a rueful pout. “You wouldn't believe how I had to twist her arm to charge $35.... which barely covers materials and postage.” I shook my head sadly.

The guy got ...a look. I could tell he felt that he was being punked. What were the odds that the 'mystery artist' would show up at his gallery.... in Greenville of all places... and that this 'next Warhol or Lichtenstein' would be... gasp.... a woman! I could see on his face as he talked himself out of everything I was saying.

“So, I take it you're not interested....” He said icily.

“In paying you $500 for something I drew in an afternoon and printed for $18?” I smiled.

He shot me a cold glare that said 'give up whatever scam you're trying to pull, I'm on to you missy'. “Suit yourself” he said, dripping with contempt and turned to leave.

“This really is an impressive collection.” I said, “...That piece notwithstanding...” I grinned and cocked a thumb at the Plague Diaries print. “What inspired you to do an exhibit of internet art?”

“It was a decision by the gallery board. This is an explosive movement in the art world. The internet makes it both easier for patrons to find great art and makes actually collecting and compiling the works far more elusive since it's all so....”

“...ephemeral” I muttered. He nodded in agreement.

“So it was decided by ….the gallery trustees.... to obtain as many unique physical artifacts as possible and offer them for sale to discerning collectors.”

“The gallery trustees?” I raised an eyebrow, Bernard simply nodded. “You mean like a boardroom full of investors? They hardly seem the type to make aesthetic....”

Bernard began shaking his head vigorously. “No. No no no NO! ….The trustees are a select group of principals with a financial investment in the gallery, the physical real estate, and a longtime patron of the arts and world traveler with impeccable credentials as a discerning judge of a myriad of art forms.”

I nodded. It sure sounded like Charles.

“Well, I must agree, your patron of the arts has a really keen eye. And it must be refreshing for a world traveler to avoid jet lag and find such a diverse and captivating selection from the comfort of the computer in her own den.”

“HIS own den” Bernard corrected ….haughtily.

I nodded solemnly. He took my bait and chomped down hard.

“Good luck with the exhibit.” I finger waved as I began to walk toward the lobby. “And if you find someone to pay you half a kilo for that....” I cocked my head to the P.D. print, “Don't worry about an empty space. Tell Charlie Claypoole to ring me up and we'll get you another piece pronto.”

Bernard began to chase after me, but then stopped. He probably realized he'd have no idea what to do if he actually caught up with me. As I made my way out of the gallery and onto the street, I sent the photo to Tina with the caption “You'll never believe what I found.”

She texted back almost immediately. “OMG! You're pranking me, right? Where ARE you? Come join us!”

“Doing galleries in Greenville. Where are YOU?”

“Olive Garden.”

“Now YOU are pranking ME! Does your mother know????”

“Hahaha. I know, right? My friends like it. So yeah. Join us.”

“Save me a breadstick. ...Directions?”

“...across from the MALL....duh!”

“Duh. :-D On my way.”

By the time I got to Olive garden, Tina and her friends were working on dessert and Tina was nursing an espresso. I raised an eyebrow at Tina the part time barista. She read my mind.

“Just checking out the competition” she smiled raising her demitasse cup to me.

I nodded back with a smile.

“So Chloe... where you been keeping yourself girl?” Tina's friend Lauren asked.

“Oh, I was just exploring Greenville....” I smiled.

“Ooooh. City mouse!” Suzie chuckled.

“Oooh. You've got to go to Beau's...” Becca added “...they have line dancing on weekends...”

I smiled politely.

Suzie nodded. “....Great line dancing....”

“...GREAT line dancers...” Lauren leered.

Suzie went beet red, but nodded shyly.

I caught Tina's tiny eye roll and smiled.

“Beau's. Got it. Thanks guys.” I smiled.

“Oh, don't thank us now....” Becca grinned

“....Thank us LATER” Lauren finished her sentence with a lewd smirk.

Tina's grin said it all. These were the friends she grew up with. No wonder she felt lonesome in the dorms.

Lauren placed both hands palms down on the table and swept her gaze across us like an expectant coach. “Alright. Are we through here?”

Everyone nodded resolutely. The mood seemed quite serious. I couldn't shake the feeling that everyone was about to line up and hurl themselves from a plane like paratroopers in some old black and white war movie.

“Chloe. Are you with us?” Lauren asked, a serious expression carved upon her face. I felt the rest of the group regarding me intensely.

“That depends....” I said equally seriously, although inside my only emotion was mild confusion. “I can't shake the feeling that you're all about to rob a bank or kidnap a politician or something.” I said with a slight smile and a cocked head.

That had its hoped for effect. The mood instantly lightened.

“No silly!” Suzie giggled. “We're going shopping!”

Tina gave me a playful elbow to the ribs and leaned in to quietly mutter in my ear “But by the time we're through, you may wish we all had robbed a bank.”

The grin on her face was so relaxed and so filled with youthful glee, I understood why she had to return to reconnect with her lifelong friends.

I smiled and shrugged to the group. “Where do we start?”

I now understood the strategic importance of the gathering at Olive Garden. Tina said it herself and I hadn't picked up on it. 'Across from the MALL... Duh.'

I suddenly recognized the brilliance of everyone who placed their chain restaurant across from, or within, a mall.

We took two cars. Tina's friends piled into Lauren's Acura while Tina joined me in my Hyundai and we drove the 1500 feet or so across the state highway to the mall.

It wasn't a prestigious mall. There wasn't a Nordstrom or Nieman Marcus, or even an Apple store. But there was a J C Penney and a Kohls at opposite corners and and a dark shadow at the third. Tina caught my glance and mouthed 'Sears'. I frowned and nodded, turning my attention to the well lit sections of the mall.

While I was scoping out the mall, Lauren, it seems was scoping out ME. I caught her clinical gaze and wondered for a moment if she hadn't suddenly become possessed by the spirit of Tim Gunn. She made little tsk clicks with her tongue as her eyes scanned me up one side and down the other.

“I can work with this.” She finally muttered to Tina, who shot me a conspiratorial smirk. “But it will take an army.” And she flashed me a sly grin.

Becca and Suzie immediately flanked her and saluted. “Here sir!” They beamed in unison.

From the evil grin on Tina's face I realized I had just been conscripted into a ritual that went back a long time for these four childhood friends.

“Where did you get those shoes?” Lauren demanded, her voice dripping with disapproval. “They're so.... sensible...”

I never knew 'sensible' could be a curse word until that moment. I opened my mouth to explain that I spent the day walking around Greenville, but suddenly her face changed and she looked genuinely contrite.

“Oh, God. I'm sorry. …..are they...” her voice fell to a stage whisper as she slid her hand to her mouth as if trying to block distant lip readers “...orthopedic?”

I flushed crimson and saw Tina's evil smirk. These were her friends. And in a twisted catty way, I had just been baptised into the group.

I opened my mouth again to explain, trying to push down my blush. “I just....”

“...came from church? ...had your shoes robbed and had to roll a hobo?....” Lauren inquired with breezy contempt.

I glared at her and she broke into a grin. Apparently satisfied that her needling finally got its desired reaction. She waved her hand airily.

“Nothing we can't fix.” she said as she spun and quickly strode off into the heart of the mall, her minions scrambling to catch up with her.

Tina looked over her shoulder as I still stood in mild shock, giving me a 'hurry up, catch up' gesture as she grinned wickedly.

I rolled my eyes and quickly caught up to the group, thanks in no small part to my despised 'sensible shoes'.

Lauren and her flock breezed into the designer shoe outlet as Tina waited for me by the door.

“Hi Darren!” Lauren said loudly to a clerk who was waiting on another customer. The young man smiled and waved while the middle aged woman he was with scowled at the interruption.

He quickly wrapped up and sent the woman on her way, much to her obvious displeasure and scurried over to our group.

“How may I be of service today m'lady?” he asked with a smile and a gleam.

Lauren pouted. “We're having a fashion intervention. We need your expertise.”

Darren looked at Tina's feet and pursed his lips, bringing his curled fingers to his lower lip, lost in thought. “I don't know....” he muttered skeptically.

Lauren slapped his arm. “Not HER.....” she snapped. She grabbed me by the elbow and yanked me in front of the young man. “THIS one!”

“Heyyy!” I began to protest, but Darren made a 'tssst!!!' sound and put his finger to his lips. His brow furrowed as he regarded my entire outfit, stopping at my feet. Finally he lifted his eyes to mine.

“Did you come here straight from Lillith Fair or did you escape from the convent?” he deadpanned. Lauren snorted. Becky and Suzie giggled and Tina just shot me a contrite smirk.

My embarrassment was quickly fermenting into resentment. I stiffened my spine and squared my shoulders, glaring at this snarky young man.

“Never knock comfort.” I protested.

“Oh. You want comfort?” he snarked. “Crocs and Cargoshorts Outlet is at the other end of the mall, next to Sears... no, wait... there's nothing in that wing anymore but darkness and despair.” He folded his arms and gazed at me with disapproval.

“I was having a good time wandering around Greenville when I got a call to meet up with this bunch.” I shot an annoyed thumb at the four friends. “I have NO idea what they have planned, but I'm pretty sure I want no part of it.”

Darren backed away as if he suddenly realized I wasn't part of this bitchy tradition he obviously shared with the others.

Tina quickly rushed in to calm things down while Lauren just folded her arms and shot me a look of irritation that I wasn't following the script.

“OK. OK. OK. Let's just all calm down here!” Tina said excitedly. She stopped, regrouped and took a deep breath. Then she put her hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. “I just said come join me and my friends at Olive Garden.” She was looking at me, but I was sure she was addressing the group.

I nodded.

“I didn't say anything about our other plans because I wanted it to be a surprise.” She cracked a sheepish smile.

“Success.” I quipped. I tried to look annoyed but my amusement may have shown underneath.

“So..... we were thinking about.... of maybe.....”

“We're going clubbing.” Lauren declared, stepping between Tina and me.

“And THIS.... will not do at ALL!” She waved her arm from my calves to collarbone.

“You could have told me!” I protested. “I could have....” I faltered

Tina cut me off. “Oh sweetie. You didn't pack anything appropriate. You'd just stress yourself out trying to make something work. This ambush is better. Trust me.”

I snorted. “That's worked out great so far.” I muttered, grinning.

Tina rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. So now you know the plan. Just trust the experts.” she gave me a parental look. Over her shoulder I saw Lauren puff up a bit while her other friends beamed.

I sighed. I thought protesting about not having a fashion budget would get me out of it, but Tina was ready for that.

“It's on Daddy.” She grinned. At my raised eyebrow, she explained. “Well, actually he told me to treat myself. ….and since we're the same size, and friends share....”

I cocked my head querulously.

“So we're shopping for ME. But you're my.... 'Style Test Pilot.' So shut up and strap in!” she grinned.

I rolled my eyes at her convoluted logic. But still, I couldn't suppress my smile. I was getting a style makeover at the hands of her very assertive friends, and it was all being paid for by her father, the grand inquisitor. I just relaxed and held my arms, palms up, slightly spread in an 'as you wish' gesture. At which point Becca and Suzie squealed with glee and Darren and Lauren got down to business.

We tried on a number of shoes. I thought this 'surprise' was about me, but quickly realized no one was going to let me hog all the fun. Tina and I collaborated and chose a number of styles in size 8 that we could both agree on. Darren had to point out that we weren't exactly the same size, since my feet were slightly longer and hers just a little wider, but we agreed that I'd put up with slightly crushed toes if she would tolerate the pinched instep. When Darren slipped on the open toe stiletto sandals with gladiator wrap ribbon Lauren declared our quest was over and everyone instantly agreed. Even if I hated them, I was out-voted. In truth, I loved them, and the open toes got around my long, skinny foot issue. Lauren glanced down and smiled patronizingly.

“Don't worry about those ugly toes. By the time we're through, your feet will be as stunning as your shoes.”

I wasn't sure whether to be reassured or insulted. So I scowled and shrugged it off. And we turned to finding stunning shoes for Tina.

I was amused that every time she considered a style, she would turn to me and ask “What do you think? Would ask to you borrow these?”

At first I wasn't sure what the right answer was. Did she want shoes that I wouldn't pester her to borrow? Or was my desire to borrow them some sort of approval of the style? While I was quite comfortable in the world as Chloe, my time spent in intimate circumstances with a group of lifelong females was, I realized, shockingly limited. I was navigating blind in uncharted waters. I just decided to trust my instincts, hoping that if I really messed up, I could remind Tina when we were alone, how new I was to these types of social situations, and heal any bruised feelings.

It turned out I had little to worry about. Trusting my instincts served me well. Tina did in fact want me to be envious of her choices and eager to borrow her acquisitions. When I hesitantly chose 'want to borrow', she smiled coyly, said 'maybe', and bought the shoes.
We tore through the mall like an invading army, pillaging spoils everywhere we went. I did indeed get a pedicure and polish that was a complementary contrast to my pewter sandals. Against my protests 'Tina's dad' bought a black halter dress in a metallic thread type fabric with a hem far too short for my comfort level. Lauren insisted that with the high hem and gladiator sandals I looked positively fierce. I countered that I looked like a hooker from the future.

“Not yet.” Lauren grinned, but by the time the woman at the Mac store had finished the makeover, after being briefed by Lauren, no one could deny I looked like a hooker from the future. And judging from the looks I was getting from people in the mall, I felt like one too.

I took solace that I was not the only one getting stares. Lauren and her friends were already dressed to kill, and Tina's transformation was completed as well, only she looked like a rich party girl whose private plane was forced to land in this conservative, salt of the earth burgh. She had a burgundy satin bandeau dress that was every bit as short as mine, yet somehow looked infinitely more elegant and infinitely less 'hooker-ish'.

When I pulled her aside and shared this observation, she just laughed and shrugged it off.

“Oh, please! I'm rocking this look because I can pull off the up-do. But you...once we got your hair blown out, we all knew this was the look for you. And you're drop dead stunning!”

“Well, you certainly are.” I semi-whined.

“We both are!” Tina laughed, hooking her arm in mine and walking back to her gaggle of friends.

Lauren looked us all over, from Tina to me to Suzie to Becca. She gave a curt nod and spun toward the exit. “Get a move on ladies!” she pronounced, her back already to us.

Suzie grinned at the three of us. “Oh there are going to be many broken hearts tonight!”

“And many, many blue balls.” Becca leered.

Tina snorted a laugh. I just felt myself go crimson and had to command my legs to move.

We drove into Greenville and ended up at a bar in what Becca called 'the suit district'.

On my raised eyebrow she explained it was where all the bankers and lawyers worked.

“And other suit people....like you know.... advertising... import export...”

“Isn't that just code for 'drug kingpin' or 'spy'?” I teased.

Suzie shook her head. “Oh, no. It's a real thing. ….like what Chrissy's dad does.”

I shot Tina a contrite smile. She just squirmed and returned my smile. The other girls were oblivious.

“Let's get drinks.” Lauren said and made a beeline for the bar.

Once we arrived, she waved off the bartender. She led us all to three open seats and directed Becca and Suzie to stand with us. The bar hadn't yet been cleared and she grabbed an empty glass and held it. Tina laughed and shot me a glance. Almost instantly the bartender approached her, a knowing smile on his lips.

“What will you ladies be having tonight?” He cocked his head in the direction of a table of guys in expensive looking suits. “Complements of table twelve.” He smiled.

“Strawberry Skyy and redbull” Lauren replied instantly. Tina shot me a 'this is what she does' grin. “Just a cosmo for me” she smiled to the bartender, he nodded and looked at the rest of us. “Me too.” Suzie said. Then, a beat later “ a cosmo I mean.” and she gave the bartender a daffy grin. “I'll have a glass of your house chardonnay” Becca said and the bartender turned to me. “Club soda with a twist.” I smiled to disapproving looks from the others.

Lauren was looking the most annoyed, so I addressed her.

“I'm feeling dangerous enough in this dress. I'm not adding alcohol.” I tried a reassuring smile.

“God, Chrissie said you never have any fun. Now I know why.” she said dismissively. “But if you think you're designated driver forget it. No one drives my Lexus but me.”

“I can cab home.” I smiled.

“If you cab home after all we did getting you looking this hot, there is no God!” Becca laughed.

I think only Tina caught my panic response before I tamped it down, quickly replaced by a polite smile.

“Another Skyy and redbull for Laura Ingalls here.” Lauren commanded the bartender cocking a thumb at me. “....Only.....” she hesitated while he hung on her sentence. She regarded me with a slight scowl and furrowed brow, which quickly relaxed to a bitchy grin “....make it a vanilla skyy....” and she shot me her queen-bee contempt-i-stare “definitely vanilla.” she smirked.

I drew back reflexively and felt my posture change. I instantly understood the expression 'get your back up'. My shoulders drew back, tensed, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I had just been verbally bitch-slapped, but couldn't figure what to do about it except to stare daggers at Tina's friend. Which only seemed to feed her evil glee.

Fortunately we were quickly distracted, because I had no idea how to respond.

“Good evening ladies...” said dapper guy number one, leading the pack of expensive suits descending on our tables. He turned to address me “Miss Ingalls was it?”

I heard Tina snork. I tried to retain my composure. I managed a courteous smile and nod. “Just call me Laura.” By this time even Lauren was fighting to suppress a snicker.

“And who are your lovely friends Laura?” Another suit asked?

I glanced at my companions and they all stared back at me. I could tell they were trying to send psychic shouts 'No Names! ….at least not yet!'

I acted oblivious.

“Oh, how rude of me. Let me introduce my friends.” I smiled inside when I felt them flinch.

I turned to my group who had plastered polite smiles on their faces but were trying to kill me with their eyes.

“This is Elizabeth....” I said gesturing to Becca. “....but we all call her 'Liz'.... Bennet.”

Becca smiled and nodded. I caught her confusion. And Tina's smirk.

“My good friend Anne Shirley.” I motioned to Tina who made no attempt to hide her smile.

“Beth... Elizabeth... March” I motioned to Suzie, who plastered on a pleasant smile yet still could not completely hide her bewilderment.

“Now you understand why they're Beth and Liz.” I smiled to the gentlemen while gesturing to the slightly confused Becca and Suzie.

I felt Lauren's glare boring into me, I had better make this one good. When the 'lightbulb moment' hit me I'm sure the glow shone on my face.

“And this...” I beamed to our gaggle of suit-ors “is Cathy Gale.”

Lauren shot me a glance of disapproval and surprise. She was not happy at being a 'Cathy'. She quickly regained her composure and plastered on the beauty queen smile. I looked forward to our inevitable confrontation over this later.

“Beth, Liz, Anne, Laura, Cathy” alpha suit repeated, pointing at each of us as we nodded. Not only did it help him and his group remember our 'names'.... it was a quick refresher for us as well.

“I'm Chip. Chip Stevenson.” he quickly volunteered. “And this is Alan, Blake, Reg and Geo.”

“Like the car?” I asked deadpan. The guys all grimaced and looked at each other, but Geo smiled and shook his head.

“Sorry no. It's short for Giovanni. My mom Mercedes and my father Tiguan were adamant that I would not be named for a car. Although my sister Porcia used to call me Thing.”

I couldn't help but smile. “Name dropper.”

Tina tittered, but her friends just stared at us as if we began flirting in Esperanto.

“So what brings you girls to town? We've never seen you here before.” Blake asked our group.

“So, you troll for girls here regularly?” Tina asked, the innocence on her face contrasting her sharp vocal barbs.

The guys shuffled nervously, glancing at each other. Their suave act was crumbling quickly. I was about to toss them a lifeline when Geo stepped in.

“We work nearby and come here to celebrate when we've had an exceptionally good day. So....” he turned to grin at his companions. “I guess we DO come here fairly often. And if you ladies had ever been here, we definitely would remember. So, is it your first time?”

This guy was slick and I couldn't hide my smile at how smoothly he saved his friends.

Suzie and Becca shook their heads. Lauren ….I mean 'Cathy' cut in.

“We only come here for special occasions. Our friend is getting married in a few days, so we wanted one last girls night out.” She turned to me. “Last chance to get wild before happily ever after Laura. You already bought the white dress, you are NOT walking down that aisle still a virgin if it's the last thing I do!” she grinned wickedly.

I felt my face, no, my whole body burn as I'm sure I turned redder than a boiled lobster. I fumbled for words, yet again before I could respond, Geo stepped in and saved the day.

He reached out and took my hands, turning me to him. “No? Really? Wow. That's amazing!” he said with admiration as he looked me in the eyes with what I could only read as wonder and respect.

I felt my blush begin to fade as I shot him a shy, embarrassed smile. He had turned the tables and made me the object of sympathy instead of ridicule, and he made Lauren look like a mean bitch. I nodded ever so slightly, still quite embarrassed that the topic of conversation was my alleged virginity. I was in fact still a virgin, for reasons far more complicated than anyone, save possibly Tina, could possibly imagine. Still, Lauren's snarky barb hit a bullseye she couldn't know existed, and my mortification was genuine.

Geo was gracious and gentlemanly. “I am impressed and amazed especially since you're.....” and he faltered, realizing he had walked right into the middle of a minefield.

I smiled as my own mind finished his sentence 'since you're dressed like a hooker from the future'. What I actually mumbled out was an embarrassed “...this isn't actually my dress...”

“Actually it's mine...” Tina interrupted “...but no one wears it better than... Laura... so I insisted.” She smiled.

I cracked a shy smile, still acutely embarrassed at being the center of attention.

“Well, I can't imagine anyone looking as stunning as you.” Geo smiled. “Still, you would light up the room in a burlap sack.”

“That's pretty much what she was wearing when we found her” Lauren sneered.

“Hey!” I reflexively exclaimed. Then I quickly realized she just kept digging herself deeper.

Lauren was unfazed. “So, are you going to stand here all night trying to get up the nerve, or are you going to ask us to dance?”

Blake broke into a grin. “Absolutely.” He reached out his hand to her. “Shall we?”

She took his hand with an 'about time' look, a quick hair toss and began striding to the dance floor Blake behind her as if she were leading a horse. She turned to flash us an over-the-shoulder '….well?' glare, and quickly our crowd scrambled to catch up. Geo immediately grasped my hand with a chivalrous nod and a smile, while our six other companions quickly paired off to join us.

Tina caught my panicked look. I had danced publicly a few times, but it was always with friends, and usually in the comfort of familiar night spots. There was no tension, social or sexual. It was just dancing with friends... as carefree and innocent as a childhood sleepover. This was different and I was struggling to remain calm. I held up a finger to Geo as our drinks arrived just before we headed to the dance floor. I smelled the vanilla and knew it was my Skyy Redbull... I tossed it back like cough medicine and remembered my grandfather calling it 'liquid courage'. I hoped it was. And for good measure, I quaffed Lauren's strawberry Skyy Redbull too. Bitch owed me.

The dance floor was pretty crowded, so there wasn't much room for my small and awkward movements to betray my self consciousness. Geo was a real gentleman. The comfort he projected with my awkward attempts at dancing counterbalanced my extreme social anxiety. I don't know whether it was the exertion of dancing or the fact that I only had a breadstick and a cup of coffee all day, but quickly I could feel the vodka wash over me like a warm mist, dulling the sharp edges of my self-conciousness. Geo seemed to notice it as well. I felt him relax as I relaxed and my dance moves felt more ….fluid.

I took his grin as relief that I was finally relaxing and getting into my groove, letting the music take me, and enjoying my gracious dancing companion.

I had no idea where this would lead. And at the moment, I didn't care.

We became comfortable with each other surprisingly quickly. At least I was surprised. Well, maybe it wasn't that much of a surprise. Geo caught a server's eye and got refills for our entire table. Still a bit nervous, when he wasn't looking, I stole Lauren's Strawberry Skye again and when he was looking, I demurely sipped my own Vanilla Skye.

It was only a short break. Geo divulged nothing about himself, and I continued to let him think I was Laura bleeping Ingalls and he told me nothing about himself or his real family.

That was fine. It was just harmless flirting, I kept telling myself. And it was fun. Nothing Laura Ingalls did ….nothing slightly tipsy Laura Ingalls did at the club, could possibly come back to haunt Chloe Saville.... so I told myself.

Or maybe it was just the Skyy/Redbull whispering in my ear.

We went back to the dance floor. I was feeling completely comfortable with the situation by then. Geo was a gentleman. He wasn't trying anything or taking advantage of the situation. Could he even tell how much I was feeling the alcohol? Did I show how much I was feeling the alcohol? I wasn't sure. All I knew was that that nagging voice in my head that always told me 'no' was blissfully quiet.... and I was really enjoying dancing for the first time in my life.

The DJ started playing a remix of Fallout Boy's “Uma Thurmann” and I was struck with images of Pulp Fiction in my head. I started grinning like an idiot and doing the 'Bat-usi'.

Geo instantly locked into my vibe and found his inner John Travolta. We were SO in sync apparently even the DJ noticed, because when he finally finished the fallout boy remix, he found a very EDM version of Chuck Berry's 'You Never Can Tell'.

We weren't the only people on the dance floor, but we were at most vaguely aware of everyone else. We were having so much fun, the rest of the crowd at the club just faded to extras in our minds. The Wolf of Wall Street and the Hooker from the Future were the stars of our own little rom-com. The music slowed and we pulled much closer. I swear I could feel the pounding of Geo's heart against my breast.... or maybe it was just my own heart.... the scent of his musk in my nostrils was definitely him. He leaned down and I looked up to see his own nostrils flare... was he inhaling my pheromones? It didn't matter. As he leaned down, I leaned up and our lips met as he plunged into my open lipped kiss. I was swept away by the moment and the strong embrace of this exotic stranger I had just met.

….Until Tina grabbed me by the elbow and yelled over the music “bathroom break!” And before I knew it I was whisked away, facing Tina in the ladies' and trying to explain myself.

I couldn't.

“What the hell? Have you lost your mind?” Tina demanded.

I shrugged and cracked a meek smile. “No biggie. He thinks I'm Laura Ingalls for heaven sake! ….Thanks, Lauren.” I smirked. “No real names. No numbers. No harm, no foul. Just a little fun.” I said ….or maybe it was the vodka talking.

“No.” Tina said adamantly. “I let my friends tart you up like some kind of space-slut.... but I'm not going to let you act like one!”

“I'm not....” I lamely protested, but ran out of steam before even finishing the sentence.

“Yes... you were!” Tina insisted. “You were about a minute away from spiriting away to a stall and giving him what he was after!”

“I was NOT....” I thought about it and realized Tina might have had a point. And I was so swept up in the moment, I may have done what he wanted without a moments thought or hesitation. The realization stunned me and suddenly I felt a lot more sober.

“Oh, God.” was all I could whisper as my eyes went wide with the truth.

Tina smiled. “My friends are a bad influence, I should have warned you.”

I shook my head. “It wasn't them. It was me. This is all on me.” I scowled at my recklessness. “I knew they were just having fun and I was their Barbie.... I went along with it.”

“...Because they were MY friends...” Tina said. I nodded. “And I was having fun too.” she admitted. “But you weren't just their Barbie.... you were their slutty Barbie..... they were setting you up.... and I let them..... because.... I know you.... and I knew you wouldn't lose control.....”

I looked at the floor with a shy grin of embarrassment.

“Well... I didn't think you'd lose control....” Tina grinned. “And when I realized my bad influence friends were setting you up to go off with that guy and shag your brains out, I realized you had no idea what you were up against.... I've known these guys for years and
seen them set others up.... I don't think it's mean.... it's just they want to set up others to do all the slutty sex-fiend stuff they don't have the guts to do themselves.... I've seen them do it for years.... I never dreamed you'd fall for their trap.”

I hung my head. There was nothing to defend.

Tina gave me a shoulder squeeze. “So. Intervention successful? You're not going home with that guy?”

I smiled and shook my head.

“Or even going down on that guy?” she smirked.

I felt my cheeks flush crimson and gave a vigorous head shake.

“Good.” she smiled and gave my forearm a quick squeeze. “Just watch out for Lauren and her minions. If they get their way you will need a wheelchair and witness relocation by tomorrow morning!” Tina grinned wickedly.

I smiled and tried to hide my shudder. I was feeling a bit more sober. And a lot more chaste.

We returned to the dance floor and I returned to Geo a lot more in control. He shot me a sheepish grin as I took his hand and led him back to our table.

“Let's sit this one out.” I smiled. He nodded. I suspected he too was realizing how quickly things had spun out of control. He seemed a bit shy and chastened.

We chatted about his job and his friends. He talked a bit about his real family, and their real names. He did have an older sister. Sonia actually. And he really did know how to behave like a gentleman. All it took was me separating him from his friends.

“I have a feeling your friends are a lot like my group.” I smiled. “They have mischief in their hearts, and when they get together they can be a bad influence.”

Geo nodded and returned my grin. It was hard to tell in the dim lights of the club, but there may have been a slight blush there too.

Lauren and her pack stormed up to our table. Apparently once she noticed Geo and I were no longer on the dance floor, they ditched the guys there and honed in on us.

“C'mon bitch. We're behind schedule.” She said all businesslike as I tried to give Geo an apologetic look. He seemed amused, since we had just been discussing headstrong friends. The rest of the girls followed Lauren and I like the wake of a speedboat. Or a school of fish. I grinned as I wondered to myself if piranhas travel in schools. Tina caught my grin and gave me a smiling 'yeah, these are my friends' shrug.

As we were leaving the club and practically speed walking to Lauren's Lexus, I took the relative privacy of the street to question her.

“Why the sudden exit? I thought we were going clubbing?”

I could sense Lauren's eyes roll although she kept looking straight ahead and didn't even turn to address me. “God.... get with the program! Night on the town! One club is NOT a night on the town.”

“OK. But still..... I thought we were having fun. Did we have to leave so...”

“You were having fun.... until for some reason you decided to sit down and get all chatty.” She snapped scornfully.

I was at a loss for a response. Lauren seemed cool with the club while I was dirty dancing out on the floor getting closer and closer to crossing all sorts of lines... but once Tina staged her restroom intervention and I regained my self control, Lauren pulled the plug on our clubbing.

“Well, did we have to leave so.....”

“We did what we came to do. Those guys were so horny they could barely still dance.” She said with a nasty smile. I exchanged glances with Tina, who gave me a 'yeah, she does that, welcome to my teenage years' grin.

“Onward bitches!” Lauren shouted into the night, raising her arm like an invading general. Behind her, Becca Suzy and Tina let out a Xena war whoop that quickly devolved into gales of laughter.

We drove into what seemed like a rather sketchy part of town. I couldn't shake the memories of when Tina and I had helped Zoe steal back her stuff from her ex's place. This neighborhood was even bleaker. There wasn't a dive bar or check cashing store in sight. Just large asphalt spaces with the occasional squat industrial building. Lauren turned a corner and suddenly we stumbled upon signs of life. Well, sort of. It was just as bleak and surreal, with the harsh amber glow of sodium lamps illuminating the dozen or so parked cars and black limo-buses in a sort of sepia-tone haze. The building across from the lot full of cars had no markings on the outside, but there was a faint glow from a dimly lit door, and a silhouette of a single guy backlit in the glow. Even from a distance, it was obvious this guy was huge. His shadowy outline against the faint light from the door showed he was standing, feet apart and arms folded. He gave off a sentry/bouncer vibe. Even from a distance.

Lauren parked her Lexus and began briskly strutting toward the building. She glanced over her shoulder just once, to confirm that we had all exited the car and were following. She flashed her key fob over her shoulder, and the car chirped as the doors locked.

“Keep up sluts.” She called out again, not even looking back at us, but zeroing in on the shadowy figure backlit by the door.

“McLaren. Party of five.” I heard her announce to the door guy as she held up her hand with something between her fingers that the guy grabbed, examined and nodded her through. Since she was ahead of us and just a backlit shadow too, I couldn't tell what she flashed at the guy. At first I thought it was an I.D. Or credit card, but the way he took it made me think maybe it was cash?

We followed in Lauren's wake as closely as we could and the guy nodded us through. Up close he was way more imposing than even that sturdy silhouette across the parking lot. He was dressed in a black suit like a limo driver or bodyguard. I presumed he was some sort of bouncer and that we were headed into some sort of nightspot that was so cool it could be completely unmarked in the middle of the industrial district. I wondered if any of the scrapyards or chemical depots around us had any idea of what went on after dark.

As soon as we stepped through the inner doors, the sound became deafening – and visceral. The bass resonated in my skeleton and we hadn't even ventured into the outer lobby area. Lauren was ahead having a heated conversation with the woman at the inner door. While I tried to read their lips over the noise Tina bumped me with her elbow. When I turned to face her, and her two friends devilishly grinning behind her, she mouthed 'SORRY' with a shrug and a look of embarrassed remorse.

At which point I was grabbed from behind by Lauren and snapped to her side while the woman she had been arguing with tore like an ice breaker through the crowded club and deposited us at a front table directly at the end of a runway.

Oh. My. GOD. ….it was a strip club.

I turned to Tina who appeared genuinely embarrassed, then noticed Lauren Becca and Suzy were beaming wickedly at me. Lauren sat beside me and leaned in to shout over the din “Let me guess.... first time?”

I nodded, shell shocked. Which seemed to please her no end.

“This is gonna be SO much fun!” She shouted, though I barely could hear her and had to resort to reading her lips. Still, her evil grin was unmistakable.

“Ladies ladies ladies” the voice boomed over the loudspeaker. “Let's give a rousing patriotic welcome to our men who serve....” and the curtain parted to show a line of guys in single file marching onto the stage in camo costumes that looked more like harem slaves than uniforms.... bandoleers over bare chests, low slung gunbelts and what looked like parachute pants – only in camo – with boots that shone so much they looked like patent leather.

As they split off from the line and spread to the individual runways the P.A. voice introduced them.

“From Smackover Arkansas” as he said it, the beefy guy tore off his camo pants and slapped the back of his glistening metallic speedo “Corporal punishment!”

The crowd went nuts... shrieking and hollering in a frenzy. I had only seen this hysteria in old movie footage of Beatles concerts in the 1960s. And these women were not 13 – they were adult's for God's sake.... but they were acting like frenzied teens on a hormone rush.

“From Yankton South Dakota” the announcer leered over the shrieks of the crowd as the beefy guy ….handled.... himself with a smug look and a jutted jaw “Private Partee!.....” the guy dropped to the runway and started doing one armed push ups, which drove the crowd even wilder.

“From Woodville Florida” - at which the next guy made a lewd suggestive gesture which the crowd ate up “Major Hunk!” He started doing calisthenics – jumping jacks and borderline obscene squat thrusts ….to the delirious delight of the crowd.

“And finally, at the top of the pyramid.... from Plowville Pennsylvania... General Catch!”

At which the guy whipped off his mirrorshades, flung his hat to the ground, ripped off his breakaway camos, revealing the same metallic speedo as the other guy and snapped to attention.... giving a ...umm... non-traditional salute... let's just say everything was at full attention.

Then the speakers started blasting some chest-pounding percussion and these guys all went into their moves. They added little pseudo-military touches to their routines, but it still seemed like standard stripper moves. Well, what I imagined standard stripper moves might be. They were thrusting and gyrating and women were coming up to the runways and jamming bills into their speedos. I guess I was just staring, open mouthed at this whole frenzied scene. I had not imagined anyone doing this sort of thing for their.... job... or that hordes of strangers would claw over each other to stuff money into their underwear.

I guess my open mouthed, wide eyed stare probably looked like something entirely different to Tina's friends, because when the guys finally hopped off the runways and started 'working the floor' ...going from table to table and nearly thrusting themselves into people's faces, Lauren got a wicked look and tried to lure one of the shiny, sweaty strippers over to our table.

I slumped with relief when the music ended and the guys went backstage before getting to our table. Lauren seemed annoyed, but quickly recovered and ordered a round of drinks. I didn't hear what she ordered, but she didn't even bother asking any of us what we wanted. I could tell by her gestures that she took the liberty of ordering for the whole table. I glanced to Tina, who just gave a weak smile and a shrug. I presumed this was just standard Lauren Queen Bee behavior.

Lauren turned to me and shouted. “Are you just loving this?” she beamed.

I felt the heat and am sure I went bright crimson. That seemed to be what she was looking for, because she just grinned wickedly and turned to Tina.

“Screw Donna and her bridesmaids. We don't need a stupid bachlorette to have fun! You are gonna flip at this next act.... I can't wait to see your face!”

I took some comfort that I wasn't the only one Lauren was torturing tonight. Sure, I know I was a friend of a friend, so they were going to test and judge me. Since I never imagined I would ever see them again, I didn't worry much about making a good impression. I just didn't want to do anything they would enshrine forever in their mean girl hall of shame.

Lauren ordered another round of shots and I tossed mine back as if it was a vaccination... from shame and self consciousness. It burned my throat as it went down.

“What are we drinking???” I yelled over the blaring music to Tina.

“Fireballs!” She shrugged with a resigned smile. She must have noticed my lost expression. “....Cinnamon whiskey.” She then tossed back her own shot. It was clear there was no way to escape the gravity well of Lauren the Queen Bee.

The review of sweaty guys who bounded onto the stage to do a really lewd routine to that goofy 80s song 'Can't touch this' got me grinning. Maybe I was loosening up. Maybe I was remembering the old Jimmy Fallon routine about every 1980s pop hit being singable to 'can't touch this'.... maybe I was tickled at the thought that, God, I didn't want to touch this! And watching the sweaty guys taunting the very aroused crowd trying to touch it. It was surreal and hilarious. At least to me.

Or maybe it was just the fireballs.

As the whole scene became less threatening and more just goofy and absurd to me, I began to relax and let my hair down.

….or maybe it was just the shots... because I don't remember much else about that night.

...or anything else until I woke with a fierce need to pee and a taste in my mouth that made me wonder just what I'd eaten ….or at least put in my mouth.... the night before. Which I was having a really hard time remembering.

As I struggled to sort out just where I was, I realized I was under bedsheets. In just my underwear! My slowly rebooting brain became aware that I was being spooned from behind. 'Panic attack' is an understatement. I flung back the bedsheets and heard a reflexive groan from behind as I extricated myself from the 'spoon'.

It was a relief to hear the creaky groan was in a female register. I rubbed the film from my eyes and focused on the still sleeping body of Tina. I heaved a sigh of relief as I struggled to sort out just where I was ...where we were... and most importantly, where the bathroom was.

Looking around with my still very fuzzy brain, I began to wonder if this was Tina's room. There seemed to be no bathroom attached, so I figured I was going to need to venture into the hall. If this was her home, it was filled with her parents and her two brothers. I was not skulking down the hall in bra and panties! I was able to fire up enough of my brain to locate a robe, holding it wrapped with my hands as I tiptoed into the hall to search for a bathroom.

“Rough night?” Tina's dad startled me from behind. I spun around, totally forgetting that I was holding the robe together, and flashed him before I quickly realized and re-wrapped myself. He raised an eyebrow and I caught his eye do a split-second inspection as he raised his eyes back to mine.

I could feel from the heat that I went bright crimson. He just smiled, surprisingly gently.

“You were out with Christina's friends?”

I nodded mutely. Still mortified.

His smile became more generous. “I'm surprised she didn't warn you about them.”

I finally managed to croak out “...at some point she tried....”

He nodded. Grinning. “...But by then it was too late...”

The wave of heat I felt pass through me was the only response, aside from another mute nod. Tina's dad got more magnanimous. He put his hand on my back, then pulled it back. Did he feel he was crossing a line? I just took it as a reassuring gesture. He regrouped.

“There's one in every crowd.” He smiled.

I must have given him a lost expression. I wasn't sure who 'the one' was. He picked up on it.

“Lauren.” He smiled gently. “It's just her nature. She'll always test. She'll always tempt. Well, Christina got you back in one piece, so I imagine you passed the test.” he grinned. “....or at least thwarted Lauren's more sinister schemes.” He smirked.

I continued to give him a blank stare. I was struggling to process all this. He just smiled.

“Chrissy's a good girl. She's a strong girl. She keeps it under wraps, but I've seen her with her pushy friends. She can hold her own. She wasn't going to let the wolves get you.” he said quietly, the pride obvious.

“Who did she get that from?” I smiled. Ken just returned my smile.

“Both her parents.” He chuckled. Then he refocused on the present. “second door on the right” he grinned jutting is chin in the direction.

I smiled, remembering how my bladder was about to burst, and scurried down the hall.

When I got back to Tina's room she was still sleeping. I crawled back into bed – avoiding the spoon - and tried to go back to sleep myself, hoping I would wake refreshed. It didn't work. I couldn't get back to sleep. My mind kept churning, trying to reassemble the night.

All I could get was glimpses. Random flashes. Even the tiny snippets were disturbing enough.

I heard Tina's groan and knew she was reluctantly waking. I feigned sleep. I heard her groan. She must have looked at the clock. I heard her leave the room. I guessed shower.

Even with my eyes closed, the fragrant floral scent when she returned confirmed my earlier hunch. I went through the motions of being awakened by the sounds of her moving around the room and stirred beneath the sheets.

“Morning skankypants.” Tina cooed. I just groaned a reply.

“Where am I?” I fumbled with the covers. Tina didn't know that I had already figured that out.

“Safe house” she grinned. “After last night you may need to lay low for a while.”

“?????” I made a quizzical sound & shot her a confused look.

“When Lauren & the girls dropped us off at your car, there was no way I was letting you drive, so I took us home.”

I just gave her a baffled, unfocused look.

“You're in my room.” she finally shrugged. “....in my bed.”

I bolted from under the bedsheets as if I suddenly discovered the bed was filled with fire ants. Then realizing that I was standing in just bra and panties, quickly yanked a sheet around myself. I believe my apparent surprise convinced Tina. She just laughed.

“Where are my clothes?” I gasped.

“Your clothes are in a shopping bag in the car.... my dress and heels which I let you test-flight are hanging to air on my closet door. Where they belong.” she grinned.

“oh.” I said in a tiny voice, trying to collect my thoughts. “Um, regarding that uh.. test flight...”

Tina's brow went up and she regarded me with a sly smirk. “......Yes?”

“...ummm.... how did it go?....” I think my state of mind was all over my face.

“You tell me.” Tina replied, the smirk growing.

I tried to concentrate and realized I was really knotting my brow.

“How much do you remember?” Tina finally asked with a cat that ate the canary smile.

I shook my head. “...uh, I remember doing shots of ….firebombs....”

“Fireballs.” Tina corrected.

I nodded. “Uh.... I remember.... the soldier guys...”

Tina nodded supportively. “...And the construction guys...”

“Construction guys?”

Tina grinned. “Builder Bob and the erection set?”

My deep blush and shudder betrayed my startled embarrassment.

“Really?” I finally managed to croak out. To Tina's nasty grin.

“Oh Yeahhhh” she nearly purred. Then her expression faded to mild disappointment. “...you don't remember the hard hat dance?”

I shook my head. I had this unmistakable feeling that not remembering was a blessing.

“....shame.... You really impressed my friends.” Tina grinned wickedly.

Oh, God. THAT can't be a good thing.

“So, I'm guessing you don't remember bananaman either.....” she trailed off.

I felt the heat as I'm sure my face flashed crimson. All I could do was shake my head.

Tina's grin got positively evil. She walked over to her bag and fumbled with her phone. Finally showing me a dark and grainy video. It was terrible quality, but it was clearly me. I was positively blasted. Taunting this dancer with a banana in his speedo. A huge, mutant banana. Where do they even find those things? Do they have some produce supplier who raises super-bananas for them to use in their lewd routines?

My mind snapped to the video as the guy had removed it from his trunks and was waving it around, practically grinding in my face. I was grinning lewdly and kind of snapping at it, to his apparent amusement. Then as I watched in total mortification, I grabbed the stem of it in my teeth. The guy seemed startled, but went with it. I then watched in horror as I peeled the thing with my teeth and did exactly what you would expect any drunken horny girl at an erotic dance club to do. For a moment I forgot I was watching myself. It was surreal. Was this girl a porn star? Did she even have a gag reflex? Even the dancer seemed transfixed as she kept eye contact while lasciviously servicing his massive musa. Then with a gleam in her eye, she snapped her teeth shut, biting the banana at the base and seemingly swallowing it whole! The dancer snapped back startled, and as I watched Tina's phone I felt my neck do the same, to Tina's delighted snort.

Oh my God! How could she DO that? How could anyone do that without choking? I was fully expecting the next thing to be someone performing a Heimlich maneuver, but there was just the drunk girl with the devilish grin and the ripple down her throat as she dispatched that thing as a snake would a mouse.

Tina shut off her phone and gave me the oddest grin.

I just looked up at her. I had no words.

After a long, awkward silence, Tina just grinned and popped the phone back in her bag.

“To say you impressed my friends is an understatement.” she chortled. “You are now freaking legend.”

I just stared back mutely. I had no idea how to react to this revelation.

“And I....” she puffed up “...am kind of legend too... for finding someone like you and becoming friends!” Her smile betrayed amused delight.

I shifted uncomfortably. “You're ….welcome?”

Tina let out a roar of a laugh, so hard it ended in a snort. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself trying to stifle the outburst, which finally ended with a cascade of hiccups.

“....so maybe not remembering much of last night is a good thing?” I said quietly.

Tina nodded. Still grinning. “Probably.... for you.... but the rest of us will never forget.”

“....or let me forget?” I asked sheepishly.

Tina shook her head. “I wouldn't do that to you sweetie.”

At the relief on my face, she grinned. “....on the other hand Lauren and her bitches brood....”

My face fell. “Oh, God. That phone video. Tell me you didn't share it.”

Tina shook her head with a scowl. “Not my phone. Becky took it. And sent it to me.”

I must have gone pale. Her look softened.

“I told her my battery was dying and borrowed her phone later. I deleted the video.”

The relief on my face made her frown.

“No guarantees she didn't share it with anyone else.” Tina said quietly.

I scowled.

“Even if she has it, Lauren won't share it.” Tina smiled. “I told her not to dare. ….and she knows I have a lot of dirt on her I never used. It's insurance.” she grinned.

I nodded. “Was there....anything else... I should know about last night?” I hesitantly inquired.

Tina's grin went broad. “Oh. LOADS....” then with a twinkle in her eye, she purred “...but your head might explode.... I'll tell you everything.... over time.” she winked.

My displeasure showed. Tina softened but didn't back down.

“Time and distance will make it easier to hear” she said quietly.

I swallowed hard. And nodded uncertainly.

Tina blessedly changed the subject. “YOU... need a shower.”

I scowled and raised my arm leaning my head toward my armpit. Tina laughed.

“No, no... you're not gross.... it's just... I know where you've been...” and with a mischievous grin “...and what you've done... anyway... it's morning... so go shower! I'll go down to the car and get your non-slut clothes.” With a smile she tossed me a robe.

“Down the hall, third door on the right. Oh. And even if it's empty, stick your head in first to make sure it's OK.”

On my puzzled look, Tina smiled. “I have brothers.”

I smiled back, remembering Dale and Colin back at my old place. I nodded and padded to the bathroom.

Tina knocked and without waiting popped her head in. Dropping some items on the counter next to the shower. She shouted through the curtain “Bodywash & a fresh pack. Take it back to my room when you're done or my stupid brothers will use it all up.”

As I heard the door close, I poked my head out to see a bottle of floral bodywash and an unopened 3-pack of jockey for her cotton panties. Tina was the best.

I felt much more human when I emerged from the shower. Quietly padding back to Tina's room, I nearly collided with Tina's brother as he burst out a door like an ejecting pilot.

“Whoa! Sorry.” He blurted as he placed his hands on my shoulders to steady me, since he nearly bodychecked me into the wall. He quickly caught his reflexive 'handsiness' and withdrew his grip. With a blush he repeated “Sorry.”

I smiled weakly, unsure what else to do but just wanting to escape to the haven of Tina's room. I was standing in the hall, still slightly damp, wearing just thin cotton panties under my robe, towel around my hair and these flimsy mule-like slippers that I'm sure Tina must have swiped from a hotel. Her brother was fully dressed in tight jeans and a rugby jersey that betrayed his fit physique by its drape. There was a really unbalanced power dynamic here. Only compounded by the fact that this was his home, and I was a stranger who barely knew her way to the bathroom. He seemed to get it. Or maybe my reaction got it for him. He backed off, leaving me a bit more personal space. Then with an awkward smile he said “You're Chrissy's friend....”

“Chloe.” I reminded, still not feeling the least bit confident by this encounter.

“Frank.” he smiled. He must have read my mind “....Franceso actually... but nobody calls me that... if they value their life” he laughed.

“Frannn.....” I began and saw his brow raise “....k” I smirked. He grinned. “I remember. And your brother's Sal.”

He nodded, apparently pleased that I remembered.

“So. You guys have fun last night?” He smiled.

I blanched. His grin got bigger. “Wh.... what did you hear?”

By now it was a full blown 'shit eating grin'. He held up his hands. “Nothing! Honest.” But his smile persisted. “I'm guessing you went out with Chrissy's friends.” His smile said it all. Lauren and her crew had a long established reputation.

I could only nod sheepishly.

“Well, you woke up here and not in jail or a public fountain, so I'd say the night went well.” Tina's brother grinned.

I edged away with an uncomfortable smile and tried to excuse myself.

“Uh. Thanks. I really have to....” I cocked my head in the direction of Tina's room. “I really need to....” as I was awkwardly trying to excuse myself, Tina rounded the corner, bags in hand.

“Frankie. Stop hitting on my friends!” Tina barked. Her older brother shrunk back like a great dane cowed by an angry chihuahua. As she swept past us, Tina grabbed my elbow and towed me along.

Frank smiled sheepishly and said “See you later?”

I just looked at Tina who rolled her eyes theatrically. Then turned to Frank with a conflicted shrug and a smile as Tina yanked me into her room.

“God I'm sorry.” Tina sighed. “I can't bring a friend over without my horndog brothers hitting on them.”

“It was OK really. I was just coming back from the shower when he burst through his door and nearly flattened me.”

Tina gave me a look. “Still. Sorry.”

I shrugged. “It's OK. He's cool. Your whole family is cool. I have to admit I'm a little envious.”

Tina shot me a look of surprised curiosity. “Really? Your family must be really messed up then.” she laughed “...although you never talk about them....”. Upon my expression she backed off. “...sorry... not my business....”

She quickly changed the subject. “Hungry?”

I gave her a look. “I don't know. After that coffee and the breadstick yesterday, and the vodkas and all those firebombs....”

“Fireballs” she laughed. “Right. Let's get an omelet in you.”

We went down to the kitchen and Tina gave me a serious stare.

“Not a word to my mom about this. She's very ….territorial.” Tina forced a grin.

“Where is she?” I wondered aloud.

“Hairdressers. Then nail salon. She is not going to my cousin's wedding and hanging out with my dad's family without looking absolutely perfect.” Tina grinned. “They've been married 36 years, and she still feels like his family is judging her.”

I smiled and nodded. Then Tina surprised me. She did a thing with her face and turned to look me in the eye. “She's probably right.”

I reflexively grimaced. “Tough crowd.” I muttered.

Her grin was fierce. “You have NO idea... welcome to my world.”

I smiled politely and watched Tina prepare our omelets. She barely looked at what she was doing. She continued chatting with me and making eye contact while she deftly diced the bell peppers, chopped the cilantro and scallions, sliced the chorizo and whisked the eggs. It was like muscle memory and I made no attempt to hide my awe.

“You are really amazing! I know from nights when it's your turn that you can cook... but I had no... this....” I gestured to the items in her workspace... “I had no idea!....”

Tina shrugged. “Growing up with my mom, you either learn to keep up or you never hear the end of it.” This was no big deal to her, but I was impressed ...and a bit stunned.

We were enjoying our leisurely brunch and casually chatting. Truth be told, I was savoring mine, but it seemed to make Tina self-conscious, so I damped down my effusive praise of her kitchen skills.

“What are your plans for the day?” Tina asked innocently.

I shrugged. “Back to my B&B. Knock around Greenville. Yesterday was a rather mad dash down the 'things to see' list. There are a few places I'd like to revisit and linger."

Tina nodded absentmindedly. “Would you mind terribly putting all that off for another day or so?”

I cocked my head quizzically. She wanted something, but I couldn't imagine what.

“Wanna crash a wedding?” she grinned.

“Seriously? You want me to go to your cousin's wedding?”

Tina nodded. “C'mon. It'll be fun.”

“I don't know.... I just met your family and I'm not sure they've made up their mind how they feel about me... I don't want to storm into your cousin's wedding....”

Tina held up a finger. “First. You won't be 'storming in' I RSVP'd for myself and a guest.”

“I presumed you already had a guest....”

She smirked. “I did. More on that later. So technically, you're not crashing. You're my plus one. Second...” she raised another finger “my family has made up their mind about you ….well, at least my brother Frank. And Sal too I think. My mom's a sweetheart, I'm sure she already thinks of you as extended family....”

“But your Dad....” I held my own finger and gave her a wry smile.

“Oh, Daddy will be fine. You threw him by that whole Zoe thing. He's not used to being wrong. And he's sure not used to people turning the tables on him!” she beamed. “He'll brood and sulk for a while, but he'll get over it.” she laughed “actually I think he'll end up respecting you more for setting him straight... and not being a bitch about it.”

I held up a finger “IF my firewall holds and he doesn't connect Tom.” I grimaced.

“True.” she agreed. “And if he eventually twigs after getting to know you as Chloe, he just might end up being impressed by your skill at separating Chloe and Tom.... it's the kind of sneaky spy stuff he revels in. If you play it right, when the time is right, after he's made up his mind about your character, it could even end up a plus.”

“I don't see that happening.” I laughed. “I think I'll just work extra hard on the firewall.”

Tina nodded her agreement. “Best plan for now. Still, I don't think he hates you or anything.”

I nodded. He seemed more personable when I bumped into him in the hall earlier. He may not have decided I was OK, but he didn't seem to actively think I wasn't OK.

“Maybe.” I said uncertainly. “OK. They'll be cool. Maybe. But why on earth do you want ME to go with you to your cousin's wedding?”

Tina waggled her head. “Well, you are my friend.... and after last night, I feel I owe you... and after RSVPing with a plus one, showing up alone would be ...just pathetic.” She smiled weakly.

“What happened to your original plus one?” I inquired as gently as I could.

Tina scowled. “He never really committed. But then again, he never outright said 'NO'.” She blushed. “We kind of had an unrequited thing in high school... I mad crushed on him since sophomore year.... and finally I heard he had a kind of crush on me too, but he was freaked by the stories of the things my father did to boys who did try to date me.” She scowled “...most of which were true ...mostly.” Her face fell slightly. “...so... we never did happen in high school.... But when I got my invitation to Tony & Donna's wedding, I figured 'what the hell?'. I called his house and talked to his mom. I found out he was still living in the area and wasn't seeing anyone as far as she knew. She promised to pass along my invitation. ….I never heard from him, but his mother seemed to think he wanted to and promised to keep on him until he gave me an answer one way or the other.” she sighed.

“Still. He never called. I had already RSVP'd my plus one, but I didn't hear from him.”

I gave her a sympathetic look.

“....until last night.” she grimaced.

Upon my befuddled look, she smiled, but there was melancholy there. “The reason my friends dragged us to that strip-club wasn't to embarrass you...” she hesitated and flashed me a conflicted grin “...that just ended up being a bonus.”

Her grin faded at my wince. “They wanted me to see Carpenter Scott and his amazing toolbelt.” She grinned without joy.

“...so Carpenter Scott....” I began. Tina nodded.

“Scott Miller... my unrequited high school crush. Everyone in town knew he tried, but couldn't get a football or hockey scholarship... and he couldn't afford college without it, so he went to work for his step mother's construction company putting up drywall.... and before long, supplementing that income by dancing around in a toolbelt, construction boots and thong. Everyone who went to school with him knew. Hell... everyone in town knew....” she sighed.

“....But you had LEFT town.... so you didn't know....”

Tina nodded with a blush and a sad smile. “I finally understood why he never called me back.... he didn't know what to say....”

“But there was no way he was going to your cousins wedding.... with many of the people he went to school with.” I said gently. Suddenly I found myself feeling awful for the guy. For all we knew he may still have a thing for Tina... but at this point he was NOT going back to his hometown and embarrassing her by being her wedding date in front of everyone who knew what he did for a living.

Tina nodded sadly. “You should have seen his face last night when he saw me in the audience, and he knew I knew.... Well... you DID see it... but you don't remember it.... maybe all for the best.... wish I could forget the look on his face... but I know I never will.” she said quietly.

I squeezed her forearm “it sounds like he still has feelings for you..... and from the way you're talking, I don't sense you getting all judge-y and disapproving... seems like there still something there for him.” I said gently.

She nodded. “Yeah. Maybe. ….yeah.” she cracked a self-conscious smile “...still, dragging him along to meet my extended family is something I'm sure neither of us thinks is a good idea.” she flashed a bitter smirk.

“SO... wanna be my replacement plus one?” she forced a grin.

I smiled. “Since you put it that way... How can I say no?”

Tina gave me a quick hug and instantly became all business.

“Good. Now we have to get you respectable.... don't take this the wrong way, but you kind of look like the poster child for 'the morning after'.”

“Is there a right way to take that?” I smirked.

Tina shrugged it off. “First, we have to do something about your hair.”

“What's wrong with my hair?”

“Nothing.... if you're going out clubbing ...or even going to the mall... but for a big event with my aunts and uncles and God knows who else will be there?.... It's way too.... twenty first century.”

“Um... it IS the 21st Century?” I reminded her. She just grinned.

“Not where we're going.” her smirk was wicked. “....let me get my curling iron....”

When Tina was finished I felt (and probably looked) like Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing.... which was supposed to be in, what, the 1950s? Pre-Beatles early 1960s?

The previous night's gray and silver metallic look 'hooker from the future' makeup had been replaced by muted earth tones which I felt much more comfortable with. Still, I felt I looked like a church-lady from 1961. ….read: '35 year old virgin'.

I thought the ring curls were a bit much, until I saw the peach A-Line dress Tina handed me. It had subtle pleats and looked like something your mom would wear to a PTA meeting. She then handed me the mock-pearl necklace and matching earrings and the jacket that went with the dress.

I shot her a 'You're joking, right?' look when she turned back to the closet and held the knit taupe twinset to her own torso with a 'you're not alone' resigned look.

I nodded sadly and began transferring my stuff to the June Cleaver purse she handed me. We got ourselves ready in relative silence. Tina would occasionally offer tidbits of what she considered helpful advice.

“My Aunt Rose is completely deaf and has no idea. Just smile and nod whatever she says. ….and don't blanche if she says really politically incorrect things. She's really sweet, but totally clueless. I don't think she's ever even met a Jewish or Asian person... So know anything outrageous she says comes out of an insulated but benign cluelessness. She really doesn't have a mean bone in her body, but don't try to set her straight, because she's hopeless ….and utterly deaf... so don't waste your breath....

….if any of my cousin Tony's friends try to hit on you, just remind them they all have girlfriends.... and after Tony & Donna's wedding, they are all under pressure to pop the question. Remind them that their tomcatting days are over and kids and mortgages are just a heartbeat away. THAT should quench their hard-ons and get them off your case.” Tina smiled wickedly.

I just nodded, trying to take everything in and thinking that shortly I was going to be wading in the shark pool with scores of strangers who thought I was just a single, pretty girl ...who, given the usual wedding dynamic, was feeling especially lonely and vulnerable and therefore a ripe prospect for any unscrupulous horndog. Suddenly I was glad I looked like an uptight second grade teacher and not like I did the night before.

I was beginning to regret agreeing to being Tina's plus one.

As Tina handed me the 'mom pumps' to match the outfit, I teased “what, no matching gloves?”. She shot me a thoughtful look, which upon seeing my face, morphed into a sardonic grin, once she realized I was being sarcastic. Whew. I just dodged a bullet. A self-inflicted one.

We all took separate cars to the church. I'm sure Tina's folks didn't expect any of their grown kids to ride with them, and I'm equally sure Frank and Sal took their own cars in case they scored at the reception, so Tina and I hopped into my humble little Hyundai and headed for the church.

On the way, I called my B&B and got Charles on the second ring.

“Hi Charles. It's Chloe Saville. I just wanted to give a call and say thanks for the list of things to see around town. I hope you're in when I get back this evening, because I'd really like to chat with you about some things.” I said brightly.

Charles laughed. “The pleasure is mine. And since I notice you didn't return last night, should I presume my list was better than I thought?”

I laughed back. “I hooked up with some friends and got hijacked into clubbing. By the time we all got back, it was easier to just crash with a friend.”

“Well, I didn't think you got abducted.... we got a grip on our lonely mountain man infestation years ago.” he chuckled.

“Good to know." I grinned. "I just wanted to call and say I hope we can catch up later today or this evening.”

“Another busy social calendar?” I could hear the amusement in his voice.

“It looks like I'm on my way to a wedding.” I laughed.

“Oh, my!” He replied in a dead-on George Takei “Please tell me there are no shotguns involved.” he chortled.

“Not on my part.” I laughed. “I'll let you know about the rest later.”

“Thanks for the update sweetie. Not that I'm the kind to wonder about a pretty stranger wandering around a town she's never been....”

I chuckled. “No. I'm sure you wouldn't. Still, I just wanted to call and say thanks for the list and I hope to see you later today.”

“I look forward to it” he said warmly.

Satisfied that I quelled any anxiety or curiosity about my failure to return to my B&B the previous night, I followed Tina's directions to the church.

We sat way near the back, which seemed to be Tina's idea, since the only family members who acknowledged us were the ones rude enough to crane their heads 180 degrees to glare at the latecomers. I noticed Tina's respectful nods of acknowledgment when glared at by members of her extend family. For my part, I just tried to project an aura of 'don't know, don't care.'.

It was a little hard to catch everything the priest was saying, but I quickly twigged that it wasn't English.

“Is that Italian?” I whispered to Tina, who smirked. Then nodded.

“In a way, I guess.... really old school. ...Roman.....”

Upon my confused look, she grinned “It's Latin.”

I made a face. I thought the Catholic Church stopped using Latin at about the same time Bing Crosby stopped playing movie priests.

“My family has this ….thing.... about tradition” she whispered. Then, giving me a cat that ate the canary grin “....in case you hadn't noticed.”

I smiled back. “So are they 'old school' or 'parochial school'?” I whispered. That caught Tina by surprise and her quickly clamped laugh came out as a loud sharp ...blip... as if she stubbed her toe and quickly stifled her outburst. Still, as it echoed through the cavernous church it was enough to cause a number of nosy heads to turn. I just continued gazing passively at the priest and happy couple as if I hadn't heard a thing. Tina stared down into her open hymnal so that all anyone could see was the top of her bowed head and not her beet red face.

It was a lovely, if vaguely confusing, service. I had been to Catholic Mass before, but always in English. Sometimes there were folk singers or other slight variations, but this seemed very different. Maybe this is how it was done in the last millennium. The very early days of the last millennium... like 1100 A.D.

'Old School' indeed!

When people started lining up for communion, the evil glares began in earnest. It was as if every member of her extended family and everyone else at the service was staring daggers at Tina, who made no hint of moving. She just sat there beside me and stared straight ahead obviously aware of all the disapproving glares but pointedly refusing to acknowledge them. When one older lady actually leaned into the pew, slapped Tina on the arm as if scolding a disruptive toddler and angrily cocked her head toward the crowd lining up for the front of the church, Tina finally broke her forward stare. She turned to the woman, mimed an eating gesture and shrugged. The woman shot her a disapproving scowl and irritatedly returned to the line.

Finally the service ended and before anyone had even stirred to move, Tina grabbed my elbow and leaned in. “Let's get the hell out of here.” she whispered.

We snuck out a side door. Tina obviously knew all the exits in this church. Or was it a cathedral? It was huge and ornate. It seemed to have all sorts of halls and passages and alcoves, yet Tina knew it like Indiana Jones.

We slid out a side entrance and worked our way around the side until we sidled into the crowd filling up the front of the church. As layer upon layer of wedding guests built up into the crowd swelling the front area, Tina had managed to maneuver us once again, into the very back... placing us staring at the backs of the heads of the entire wedding crowd.

It was then that I realized Tina's clever strategy. I shot her a smile and a nod. I think she realized that I finally understood her stealthy strategy, because she looked pleased as she returned my smile and nod. If we stayed where we were, the entire church would have had a chance to stare down Tina and her unfamiliar friend as they filed out. Tina had completely upended the dynamic and again it was we who were staring at them... well, the backs of their heads, and neither of us seemed to care about looking at any of them... just that they weren't looking at, staring, appraising, judging... either of us.

We stayed around long enough for Tina to be certain that she ….actually, we.... were in the background crowd of at least a half dozen wedding photos. Apparently satisfied that she had visual proof she had attended, she again grabbed my elbow and leaned in to whisper.... but I beat her to it, quietly smiling “Let's get the hell out of here.”

She beamed a grin and nodded, spinning quickly and striding with great purpose in the direction of my parked car.

Once we were in the car, Tina smiled. “We have some time... want to grab some takeout before the reception?”

I shot her a curious look. “Won't there be food at the reception?”

She nodded. “Something that tastes like chicken. And probably some kind of salisbury steak thing.... and something that's supposed to be some kind of fish.... but still probably tastes like chicken.....”

“You know the caterer.” I smiled. She grinned back.

“My uncle Angelo. I don't think he's really an uncle, just some old friend of the family's. He always caters these things. He has a.... well, he's not really a ...caterer... he does food service at a bunch of nursing homes and Saint Jerome's.... that's a home for retired priests... and he does some events at the KofC hall....” She explained. Then with a twinkle in her eye, she said “Let's pre-load on takeout.”

I nodded. I presumed she was trying to warn me that the food was mediocre middle school lunchroom.

“And refreshments?” I smiled as we made our way to this place she remembered.

“THAT... will be no problem.” Tina grinned. “My cousin Carmine always handles the bar. His family runs a wine and spirits distributor. And he knows people at the local bartenders school. They treat these events as graduate exams. I guarantee you will get whatever you want. I love playing stump the bar guy at these things. I almost never can.” she grinned.

“After last night, I think I'll stick with diet Sprite.” I smiled.

“Suit yourself.” Tina said. “But after a few hours with my family and Donna's friends, you may change your mind.”

I smiled politely, but she wasn't finished.

“If you find yourself ordering a double zombie and wanting to rip your own brain out by the end of the night, I won't judge.” Tina laughed.

I smiled politely wondering just what I had gotten myself into.

We had a surprisingly good meal from 'Pangs' – apparently the only Asian take out place in town – which explained the really diverse menu. When I saw it I presumed it was equally mediocre from Szechuan to sushi... but I quickly admitted I was being a prejudiced food-snob. Tina recommended the Gyoza, and she was so right. Still, I couldn't resist mixing it up, ordering everything from sashimi to bibimbap to find where they came up short.

I had to admit, they excelled at everything I ordered, from Kung Pao to Kimchee. I ended up ordering way more than I intended to eat because the menu was so diverse and I wanted to try almost everything. So we wound up having Asian Tapas! We each nibbled a little of everything and bagged most – except the sashimi – for leftovers.

After we had procrastinated as long as we could, Tina sighed heavily and directed me to the Knights of Columbus Hall.

The reception seemed well underway, yet a quick sweep of the crowd yielded no trace of the happy couple.

“They may be off changing” Tina said unconvincingly. Then with an evil grin added “...or bonking.”

At my look she grinned. “...which means they haven't changed at all!”

I grinned back.

No one seemed to notice, or care, that the happy couple weren't among the partying crowd.

Tina found our table, it was empty at the moment but there were drinks and random items indicating a number of seats had already been 'marked'. We did the same. I draped my jacket over the back of a chair. Tina examined a water glass, apparently deemed it 'virgin' and brought it to her lips, not actually drinking anything, but leaving large lipstick marks on the glass and placing it in front of the seat next to mine. She then turned to me with a wicked grin.

“Let's mingle.”

We had not traveled 50 feet from our table when a loud voice cried out “Christina!”

Tina turned and plastered on a smile. “Auntie Vera! So great to see you.”

This 50-ish woman in a rose wrap dress was storming through the crowd like a coast guard icebreaker headed straight for us. While utterly ignoring me, Vera wasted no time sizing Tina up. She placed her hands on Tina's shoulders and twisted her from side to side.

“College agrees with you.” she smiled. “What happened to the 'freshman fifteen'? You look even skinnier than you were in high school.” She seemed slightly perplexed. Then her face got a wicked gleam.

“Did you meet a boy?” she almost-leered.

Tina blushed and shook her head. “Aunt Vera, I'm a sophomore. ….and even last year, I never picked up the freshman fifteen. That's just an urban legend.” she smiled politely.

Vera wasn't buying it. With a devilish gleam in her eye she clucked “I understand dear. College is like Vegas. What happens there stays there.”

Grinning, Tina shot back “That's not college. That's uncle Vito's lake house.”

Vera seemed nonplussed for a moment, unsure how to react. Then she chose conspiratorial mirth and joined Tina's laugh.

“I see you still have your grandmother's tongue.” she laughed.

Tina reached out and grabbing her aunts elbow, turned her to me.

“Aunt Vera, I'd like you to meet my friend Chloe.”

I smiled politely, unsure of the protocol.

Vera's eyes quickly scanned me toes to top, she plastered on a polite smile and extended a hand.

“Chloe. ….is that.... French?” She asked ever so politely. She may as well have been politely asking “your gown.... is that real burlap?”

I smiled and nodded. “I believe so. Saville. Chloe Saville.” I said, channeling every Bond film I had ever seen and kind of wishing at the moment that I had a license to kill.

“How interesting.” She said with disinterest. “You know Christina from school?”

Tina quickly interjected. “Chloe was nice enough to give me a ride so I didn't have to spend a day on a bus.” she forced a smile, determined to keep it perky and superficial.

“So she drove you all the way here?” her eyebrow elevated. “And she's your date to the wedding?” Vera was beginning to look daggers at Tina.

“Oh. God, no.” Tina laughed nervously. It sounded very forced. “I asked..... well, um... that's not important.... he bailed on me and I had RSVP'd for two... so I figured as payback for driving me all the way here, I'd..”

“Introduce her to your entire family at your cousin Anthony's wedding?” Vera snipped.

Tina blanched, suddenly realizing what a misguided idea this was. For my part, I was remaining motionless ...like those kids avoiding the T-Rex in Jurassic Park.

“I should go..” I began to say, not knowing what else to do. Vera shot me a 'stay out of this French girl' glare and commandingly put up a 'stifle' hand.

Turning back to Tina, Vera leaned in. “You know these people. There will be talk. I can't believe your father let you.... wait... he doesn't know!.... this was your mother's idea!”

That did it. Tina's back stiffened and she looked her aunt in the eye with a ferocity I've never seen. She said quietly, kind of menacingly, in a near whisper. “This. Was. NO one's idea. I'm a grown woman and I make my own choices. I brought my friend here for moral support. I wanted someone to have my back because I knew the event would be filled with moments like this.” she nearly spat the last word. Her imperious aunt suddenly seemed a bit less haughty.

Backing down she replied quietly. “I'm only looking out for you dear. People will talk. You never dated all through high school. And now you're off to college out of town and you show up at Anthony's wedding with a girl as your date?” I felt the swipe of her eyes momentarily darting my direction.

Tina was not backing down. “How could I date with my dad running profiles on every boy who even said hello to me?” she whispered, the agitation unmistakable. “Talk to Tony. Hell, talk to Donna! NO one would even talk to me, because everybody knew about him!”

Vera chuckled. “Now now. I'm sure it wasn't that bad.”

Tina cut her off, still full of fury. “Yes. It WAS. He should've just locked me in a goddamned bubble. It would have been easier for all of us!” Suddenly Tina's eyes went wide, realizing she'd gone way over the line.

Vera looked ready to slap her down for cursing at her, but seeing Tina's expression, knew that Tina was already well aware and mortified at her own outburst. Vera softened slightly.

“I'm just saying.... you never dated in high school. And now you show up to your cousin's wedding with....” and she made a dismissive gesture in my direction. “...people will talk.”

Tina scowled. That scowl slowly morphed into an evil grin and I braced myself for whatever scheme she was cooking up.

“Well, I can't go around the reception being all loose and flirty.” she said to her aunt. “God, that would be incestuous and wrong! …..But Chloe can make it crystal clear that she is a very, very, straight girl.” And she turned to me with a mischievous smirk.

Oh crap.

As we broke away from the orbit of her aunt Vera, Tina plunged into the crowd, presumably with a goal in mind. I sidled up to her and leaned in to discreetly plead my case.

“You are not really planning to use me as a distraction to keep your family from asking why you don't have a love life. ….Are you?”

Tins shook her head. “No. Nah.... I just said that to get my aunt Vera off my case. ….still.... after last night we know you can make a spectacular distraction.” she leered.

“Oh God. Are you ever going to let me live that down? I never would have been in that situation..”

“As if there was just one” Tina laughed.

“Fine! ….any of those situations if you hadn't recruited me to join your friend Lauren's ….slut squad!”

Tina barked a laugh then quickly regained her composure. “Ohmigod. That's perfect! I'm going to have to tell her that one.... slut squad....” she chuckled to herself.

I put my hand on her shoulder and stopped walking. She had little choice but to stop too and turn to face me.

“I agreed to go out with you last night because we're friends. And even after all that, I still agreed to be your plus one at this reception.... because we're friends. But I have to be honest. You're really testing our friendship.” I tried to soften the harshness of my words with a smile, but I didn't want to soften them too much, because it really was how I was feeling.

Tina looked surprised, then very quickly her expression changed to repentance.

“Sorry if you felt I was using you. That was never my intention. It's just.... you're good company and things are just more fun when you're along.” She shrugged and flashed a shy smile.

Damn. I couldn't stay angry at her, and I'm sure she knew it. My harsh expression softened.

“Anyway.... if you intended me to get all flirty and tease-y with your extended family, why on earth did you insist on dressing me up like a librarian at a bible college?” I grinned.

She regarded me for just a little too long, then broke into a goofy grin.

“Y'know, you could be a NAUGHTY librarian....”

I rolled my eyes.

“...nothing sexier than some unbridled passion in the stacks.” she leered.

“Oh, puh-leeeze!” I lamented theatrically. Still, I was unable to completely squelch my smile.

We proceeded to wade into the crowd. Suddenly Tina grabbed my elbow and swerved.

“Tommy! Eddie! Who invited you?” Tina shouted across the crowd with a big grin on her face. Two big guys. I mean really big. They looked athletic, but curiously not that physically fit. One was quite stocky and practically bursting out of his tux like an overstuffed sausage. I immediately imagined him more at home in a letter jacket on his way to football practice. The other one was much skinnier. Tall and gaunt with reddish blonde hair and a face that looked like a partially cooked pizza. He kind of reminded me of the actor Michael Rapaport ….only taller, skinnier and with a terrible complexion. This guy had the worst acne I'd ever seen, and seemed to also be suffering from rosacea.

“Oh, hey Chris.” the ginger haired giant smiled. His stout friend just shot us a slightly perturbed look.

“We're ushers Chrissie... which you would have known if you bothered to go to the wedding.” stocky guy sneered in a put-upon voice.

I caught the gleam in Tina's eye. Obviously messing with these guys was another of her childhood traditions.

“Ahhhh.” she smiled. “....that would explain the... uh.... matching....” she vaguely pointed her hand waving over their tuxes, which really were about as far from matching as possible. Yeah, they were both gaudy and looked like they came from the clearance bin at the prom rental outlet. But the one on the tall guy draped like a tarp, while his stocky friend looked to be trying to burst out of his at every roll and bulge.

“Duh!” bulge-y guy said, while his friend just glanced down at him with a forlorn look, sensing full well that they were swaggering into a minefield. “What did you think it was?” he asked with a really annoying whine.

“When I saw the two of you standing side by side? …..All I could think of was 'gay wedding cake'.” Tina grinned. The tall one burst a laugh that sounded like a braying donkey before he could stifle it. He shot us a grin, no doubt heightened by his friends annoyance.

While stocky-guy fumed, no doubt fumbling mentally for a snappy retort, gangly guy smiled down at us.

“Geez, Chris. You look great! College sure agrees with you!”

Tina broke into a smile. It was honest and relaxed. “God, thanks Ed. Yeah. I really love it. How about you?”

“Doing some stuff at community college & tech classes.... HVAC training.” He smiled.

Tina nodded. “Cool.” Then she blushed. “....no pun intended!”

They both laughed. They seemed to be old comfortable acquaintances.

Then beefy guy spoke up. “Who's your ….friend?”. I turned to notice he was staring at me. Well, at my chest actually.

Tina shot me an apologetic look. I wasn't sure if it was because she failed to introduce me or because she had tried to avoid getting me involved and failed.

“This is my friend Chloe.... from school....” she lied. “Chloe, Ed O'Rahilly...” gangly guy bowed slightly with a smile “...and Tom Barrone...” stocky guy nodded with what sounded like a snort. “Chloe spared me a brutal bus ride and is exploring Greenville for the weekend. After all that, the least I could do was feed her and let her meet my friends”

“...and your family...” beefy guy snorted. I got the feeling that instead of a tux, he should be wearing a t-shirt with 'certified tool' printed on it. Then again, he didn't need one.

“They're your family too.” Tina shot back.

Turning to me, the slight pain obvious on her face, she shrugged an apologetic grin. “We're cousins.”

“Tom is. I'm not. No relation.” Gangly guy interjected with raised finger and a grin.

“You look altogether too happy about that.” I smiled. His face fell as beefy guy shot him a glare.

“I... uh... no... I just mean....” he stammered.

I never knew skin that pale could turn so bright red. I suddenly felt terrible.

“Just teasing.” I smiled. “Obviously you guys are all old friends. And aren't friends really the extended family we get to choose?” I hoped I was wriggling out of the corner I worked myself into.

He relaxed and smiled. The blood began to leave his face, which made me relax too. He had looked like a blister ready to pop.

“I never thought of it that way.” he grinned. ...at Tina.

Oh there was definitely something there. I hid my own wicked grin.

“We all went to school together.” Tina explained as if it weren't obvious.

I smiled and nodded.

“Since middle school.” Gangly Ed said, still giving Tina a warm gaze which she either didn't notice or acknowledge.

“So. What's your deal?” Beefy Tom asked, still kind of glaring at me.

“Say what now?” I asked, suddenly sounding very Texas and having no idea where that came from. Still, it worked. The response seemed to throw him too. At least long enough for Tina to butt in.

“I told you. I met Tina at school.” She quickly tried to turn the conversation from the dark place it was obviously headed from the tone of his voice.

“What are you. One of her teachers? You look like a teacher.” Tom was undeterred.

I shot him a smile. I was going for arrogant confidence. Not sure I succeeded.

“Ti... Christina.... you didn't need to tell me you two were related.” I turned to him “Mind if I call you little Ken? You are SO like your uncle.”

He went red. Not as red as his reedlike friend. Just average human-blush red. His fuming made my smile broader.

“No matter if you DO mind. I am SO calling you little Ken!” I beamed. He fumed.

“Christ! You college bitches are so pushy.” He muttered.

I shot him a glare, raised two fingers in his direction and loudly clucked my tongue. “Language, young man!”

To my amazement, it worked. He instantly backed down and lowered his eyes like a scolded dog. Out of the corner of my eye I caught Tina's surprise. ….and delight.

Tina seized the opportunity to get us moving.

“You two... behave!” she grinned. “This reception is filled with vulnerable women dreaming of romance and their own happy ending. Don't go taking advantage.” she teased.

Stocky Tom broke out into an evil leer as if Tina had just pointed out a buffet table. Gangly Ed just grinned, smiling down at Tina. It was clear to everyone (except possibly her) that he only had eyes for one person at the reception.

“Maybe we'll see you la...” he raised his hand to wave when Tom grabbed him by the elbow and yanked him away.

“Hey toolsack!” Tom yelled across the room at someone and Ed made an apologetic shrug to us before being pulled away to join his boisterous mate on their rounds.

“Sorry about that.” Tina offered a sheepish smile.

“No worries.” I smiled back with a shrug. “Families.... we all have them.” And I fought back a reflexive wince as I thought of my own.

She relaxed and we continued to mingle. She introduced me to a lot of the folks she went to high school with, though they were all the bride's friends and not hers as they took passive aggressive pride to make crystal clear. They didn't have to expend that much effort. It was obvious to me from what I already knew of Tina that these phony, catty girls and clueless, tool-ey guys were not the kinds of people she would hang out with... in high school or ever. I sensed Tina's stress level rising a bit. It was like a convention of all the reasons she moved to another state to attend college.

“You OK?” I gently grabbed her hand.

She nodded yes. But 'not really' was in her eyes.

“Must be a trip to come back and see how much has changed. ….and how much hasn't.” I smiled.

She let out a small snort as the grin began to grow on her face. “....yeah....” she nodded, surveying the hall.

“You're practically a tourist here yourself at this point.” I said brightly. “Just passing through for a few days then you're off again.” As I had hoped, framing it that way seemed to cheer her up. “But unlike me, you know your way around.... all the places to visit....”

“...and avoid.” She finished my sentence for me and gave my hand a squeeze. “...wish I had thought to add this place to that last list.” she sighed.

“Probably not an option” I smiled shaking my head slowly. “Some things you can't get out of ….or really shouldn't.... like weddings, funerals, jury duty....”

Tina laughed. Her anxiety beginning to fade.

We circulated a little more and Tina introduced me to more of her relatives and old schoolmates. The entire crowd pretty much broke into those two categories. There were the extended family members who greeted “Chrissy” like the prodigal returning from the inconceivable foreign land... and always being reminded by Tina that she was just back for a visit. Then there were the high school acquaintances – admittedly, the bride's friends – who treated Tina like a social cold-sore that had suddenly flared up again just in time for the yearbook photo. Tina conceded that it wasn't just because these were Donna's friends. She reminded me that she was the 'quirky chick with the crazy dad', and that while she maybe wasn't exactly an outright pariah in school, she was the uncool girl that most classmates gave a wide berth. That was OK with her, since she seemed to have a mutual contempt for the majority of her classmates.

The band stopped playing and a guy got to the mic asking everyone to take their seats as the happy couple had finally returned from ….wherever they had been... and the festivities were about to officially begin.

We found our way to our assigned tables. We were seated with a number of older people, I suppose that made sense since this was Tony & Donna's wedding and their friends. Although there were many people Tina's age at the reception, it was clear that none of them was her friend. I presumed even the one guy at the table near our age was a relative given the reflexive head nod between the two.

I found the chair where I'd draped my jacket and Tina sat beside me.

“Chloe, you already know my Aunt Vera... this is my uncle Lou....”

The older guy next to Vera gave a head nod from across the table.

“Who else is here?” Tina asked the couple. Lou shrugged. Vera scowled.

Before we could get an answer, we were joined by the other two at our table.

“Father Shaun!” Tina yelled to the incredibly elderly priest who pulled out the chair next to a scowling Vera.

He looked up, confused. “What?” he addressed the general table.

Tina leaned across the table and held out a hand. “Nothing. I was just saying hello. It's been ages.”

He looked warily at her hand, then at her. Eventually he just snorted and loudly plopped into his chair.

“Old friend of the family.... going way back....” Tina whispered to me. “I think my grandfather was an altar boy for him.”

“I think 8 of the 12 apostles were altar boys for him” grinned the guy who slid into the seat between Father Shaun and myself.

Tina shot him a look, Vera made a loud 'tsssst' sound. He threw his hands up with a smile. “Forget about it. He can't hear a thing. He probably doesn't even know where he is.” he grinned.

Vera gave him a disapproving scowl. Tina seemed almost as annoyed as her aunt. With a face that looked like she just caught the scent of something fowl, she looked at the guy, who seemed about our age, and said “Chloe this is...”

The guy instantly shot out of his chair, which was wholly unnecessary since he was sitting right next to me, still he stood over me, hand extended.

“Jerome. Jerome Rossi.” He beamed. “You know.... like the saint?”

“Ah. Saint Rossi.” I nodded politely.

“I like her.” He said to a still scowling Vera. “She's funny.” Then he turned to me. “You're funny!” he grinned.

“And you're Jerome.” I smiled politely. “Nice to meet you.”

He just continued to grin. “Way more than nice. This is epic!”

I darted my eyes to a very unhappy Tina. I had no idea what this guy was saying, but whether it made sense to her or not, Tina seemed to be growing more annoyed by the second.

Tina and Vera both looked like they wanted to speak, but we were all interrupted by someone tapping a spoon on a wine glass, and soon all eyes were on the happy couple and the wedding party as the festivities began.

They got through the rituals, from the awkward toast by the best man – which may have rated – as Jerome would say – epically awkward. To a father of the bride dance that seemed inappropriately ….carnal, a cake cutting ceremony which I was sure was going to erupt in a flat-out food fight among the entire hall, a garter ceremony that should have required clearing the hall of minors, and other rituals that somehow seemed some alternative (and R-rated) universe version of established traditions. I've never been to Mardi Gras or Carnivale, but after this reception, I feel I've come as close to the experience as I'd ever care to.

As soon as the 'festivities' were over, Tina pushed back her chair and turned to me with a relieved smile. Before she was even fully out of her chair, her aunt Vera had shot from her own and was whisking Tina away by the arm. Although honestly, from the expression on Tina's face, 'abducting' would not be an inaccurate description.

The moment the two women were away, Jerome leaned towards Lou and Father Shaun and shouted over the now-blaring band. “You two chat among yourselves.” He then turned to me with an ear to ear grin and shouted. “Let's dance!”

Before I could even respond, he had one hand on my elbow and the other in the small of my back and I found myself catapulted towards the middle age moshpit that served as the Knights of Columbus Hall's 'dance floor'.

Fortunately Jerome wasn't a terribly tactile dancer. He just stood a few feet from me, hopefully just out of striking distance, and began writhing and flailing like someone who had just stepped on a high tension cable. His Joker-like permagrin belied the fact that he was having any sort of seizure, despite what his jerking body and twitching limbs would indicate. There was something about his 'dance' that I could not place. When I thought of Elaine's dancing on Seinfeld, I failed to suppress my smirk. To my dismay, Jerome took this as approval of his dance skills and brought everything up a notch. I backed a bit further, as far as I could in the crowd. No one seemed to want to get too close to the dancing dervish so I found myself pressed into a wall of people going through their own motions of dancing, all the while taking in the spectacle of my dance partner with a mixture of dismay and malevolent fascination. The attention only seemed to feed his energy. I fully expected at any moment that he'd break into a full split and begin writhing around the floor in an energetic 'Worm'.

To my great relief the Springsteen song the band had been playing ended and the room fell silent. People began to quickly evacuate the dance floor. As the crowd ahead of me slowly tricked off the dance floor, I wished they'd move faster so I could leave too before the music ...oh, crap!

Jerome caught the attention of the band. They all grinned wickedly back at him and broke into an ear shattering rendition of Mambo Number 5. I felt as if I was nearly free when I felt Cthulu wrap a tentacle around my ankle. OK, it was really just Jerome's hand around my wrist, but the dismay was the same.

We had the dance floor to ourselves. My first thought was that the other dancers had fled when the music stopped. But I noticed they were now ringing the dance floor watching us with reactions from evil glee to the look of people who are compelled to stare at a grizzly accident. It reminded me of nothing more than a scene out of West Side Story where everyone was watching two people about to go at it in a knife-fight.

Before I even had time to panic that I was not really a dancer... Well, I liked to 'shake it on the dancefloor' as much as the next girl, but I was no dancing-with-the-stars athletic performer with choreographed moves... In fact, I didn't really have any moves. But that didn't seem to matter as Jerome flung me around like a rag doll to the music. He pulled me in tight and shot me away, firmly gripping my wrist so that when we got to full arms length I was painfully snapped back like some sort of human yo-yo trick. I quickly stopped worrying about having any 'moves' and devoted all my energy to the struggle of maintaining my balance and not sprawling onto the floor while being wrenched around like a passenger on some criminally unsafe carnival ride.

I quickly became so dizzy and disoriented that there was no room for embarrassment. I simply wanted to survive this 'ride'. I'm pretty sure that I was virtually tossed head over heels. It was fast and startling - like a judo flip. I found myself rolling down Jerome's back and somehow managed to land on my feet as he spun back to face me and the wild ride continued. The few times I did actually lose my footing was when I was dipped so violently toward the floor, I fully expected my snapping head to bounce off it like a handball. I will have to give this to Jerome. He seemed like an out of control carnival ride, but he always pulled it back before things fell apart. Against all expectations, I avoided a concussion. Although I had a strong hunch that within a day or two, whiplash might be a serious concern.

It seemed like hours, but if I recall, the song is only about 3 minutes long. Then again, as I recall, so is that really scary part of re-entry of a space capsule. When the song ended, Jerome took a deep bow to the hooting crowd and before I knew it I was spun off my feet and his deep bow had transformed into a deep dip as he jammed his tongue down my throat in front of the rowdy, whooping crowd.

My gag reflex came to my rescue, and I think Jerome suddenly thought I was going to throw up into his mouth. He jettisoned me like someone lobbing a grenade and finally my head did bounce off the floor. Still, possible concussion seemed like a preferable fate to the intrusion by the amorous anteater.

The crowd laughed as I remained splayed on the floor. I was dazed and disoriented. The room was still spinning as I tried to gather my wits. I thought it was more residual dizziness from the ride I just endured than anything from the hard contact my skull just had with the floor. Still, I wanted to stay down as long as they'd permit me while I collected my composure and caught my breath. I looked up and noticed Jerome had already moved on. The rest of the crowd were watching me expectantly. I wanted to announce 'Nothing more to see here. Move along.' but before I could, a hand reached out from the sea of smirking faces.

It was Tina. A very contrite Tina. As she opened her mouth to speak, the world's loudest wedding band jumped into a Bruno Mars tune and I could only watch her lips mouth 'I'm SO sorry!'. I smiled, recalling that night I met her at St@t!c and mused that if one of us couldn't have read lips, we'd never have struck up a conversation.

I reluctantly gathered myself to my feet and sensed that the impatient people wanting to dance were thinking 'about frickin' time'. Tina held my arm and wrapped her other 'round my waist, which was a relief because I still didn't feel too steady on my feet. We made our way back to our table, where Vera was watching us approach with a perma-glare. Before we arrived at our table but after we got far enough from the band to barely hear each other, Tina shouted “SO sorry I ditched you! Aunt Vera pulled me aside to warn me that she thought Jerry might be off his meds.” She scowled. And the lightbulb went off over my head. She read it on my face and flashed me a conflicted smile. “Yeah. And by yanking me away, she left you there like a rabbit in a wolf den.” Tina shook her head angrily. “As she began to tell me, I knew we never should have left you alone. By the time I got back, it was just Uncle Lou and Father Shaun. While I frantically scanned the room I heard Mambo Number 5 and knew it was already too late.”

I shot her a confused look. “You heard Ma....”

She cut me off with a conflicted smirk. “It's his patented move. Especially when he's off his lithium. When he was five it was cute. He was kind of like hyperactive Webster and grownups couldn't get enough of it. Eventually they did, but he didn't. As he grew older it got less and less cute, but it didn't matter to Jerry. Turns out he doesn't do it for the attention... at least not any more.... he just does it because he loves doing it. And there are some people....” she scanned the room with a scowl “....who think it's hilarious to encourage him.”

“Tony & Donna's friends” I ventured. Tina shook her head.

“Tony's friends don't because they know they're related, and Tony would beat them senseless if they encouraged his cousin to make a spectacle. …..as if he would need encouragement....”

“But Donna's friends....” I cracked a slight smile.

“Yeah. Did I mention that she's an evil bitch?” Tina smirked.

“I recall you saying something about that.” I grinned.

“Well, they run in packs. So, yeah... her friends would encourage anyone not in their clique to publicly humiliate themselves.”

“Which I just did.” I scowled.

Tina made dismissive gestures. “No. Nah. Not really. It was all Jerry. You just got sucked into the tornado.”

“Well, judging from the looks I'm getting, I still feel like I made a public spectacle of myself too.”

Tina shot me a concerned look. I think she was trying to figure out how to dispel my embarrassment. I put her out of my misery.

“Good thing I don't know or care who any of these people are and will never see them again.” I grinned. Tina relaxed as we reached our table.

“Christina!” her aunt Vera snapped. If looks could kill, I guess this would be considered a warning shot.

Tina gave her aunt a puzzled look. I saw Vera's eyes locked on Tina's hand around my waist before she did. I pulled away and took my chair.

“Thanks for helping me back. I'm still so dizzy, I'd probably still be weaving though the crowd trying to find my bearings.” I smiled to Tina.

She returned my smile. “It was the least I could do. I'm SO sorry we left you alone without so much as a warning.” I caught her return her aunt's glare. Vera backed down instantly and seemed knocked off her high horse.

“In all fairness, you were NOT left alone with Jerome.” Vera turned to look at Lou, who refused to make eye contact and gave a slight shrug. He was NOT going to get dragged into this. Realizing it was futile, Vera turned to scowl at Father Shaun. She got no better satisfaction as he seemed to be asleep. Tina and I exchanged glances. I knew we were both hoping he was merely asleep.

“Have some water.” Tina smiled as she handed me my glass. “Let me know when the dizziness passes.”

“I think it's gone.” I smiled. “But I think I might like something a little stronger than water.”

Tina laughed. “I TOLD you! Let me introduce you to my cousin Carmine.”

In the end, I settled for a Proseco & Aquafina. It was enough to calm my nerves but not to trigger an unpleasant flashback of the night before.

“I am SO pissed at my aunt!” Tina said. “She pulled me aside to say she thought Jerry had stopped taking his lithium. As soon as she said that I realized that we ditched you at the table alone with him. I could have killed her on the spot for that.”

“...I wasn't entirely alone....” I shrugged.

“Father Shaun and my Uncle Lou? You were essentially on your own. Father Shaun hasn't known where he is since the 1980s and Uncle Lou has carried 'minding his own business' to insane extremes for years. After being married to auntie Vera for 40 years, he counters her snoopiness with his own extreme indifference. You could burst into flames in front of him and at best he'd mutter 'someone should do something'.” Tina rolled her eyes. “Still, I'm surprised you agreed to dance with my cousin Jerry.”

I smiled sardonically. “Agreement had nothing to do with it. The band started playing, his eye got a gleam, and next thing I was being yanked by the arm like a toddlers bear and found myself on the floor with ….the dance demon....”

Tina laughed. “God, I'm going to have to remember that. That's perfect. Yeah, it's my cousin Al's band. He knows the songs that just set Jerry off and can't resist pushing those buttons.

I rubbed my head. “I hope I don't have a concussion.”

“Trust me” Tina laughed. “If you got away from an encounter with Jerry with only a concussion, you're ahead of the curve.” Then she got serious. “Do you want to go somewhere and have it looked at?”

I shook my head. I hadn't really hit the floor that hard. I was more startled by it than injured.

Tina's face suddenly broke into a smile. “I have an idea.” She lifted onto her toes and began craning her neck into a sweep of the hall like a searchlight. Suddenly she found what she had been looking for. She dropped from her toes and grabbed my arm. “You need to meet Enzo.” She tore across the hall to a prematurely bald guy chatting to one of the bridesmaids. Tina tore between them like a bouncer breaking up a fight.

“'scuse me... medical emergency.... flirt with him later Angie...” and she practically body-checked the extremely annoyed bridesmaid, who took a deep breath and was about to rebut... but Tina never gave her the chance.

“Enzo. Hi. Sorry to interrupt.” Tina made an apologetic face, then turned to the bridesmaid with an expression that wasn't at all apologetic. In fact, if I had to caption it, I'd probably choose 'why are you still here?'.

Tina yanked me in front of Enzo and went on, not even taking a breath to let Angie get a word in. “This is my friend Chloe, and I think Jerry may have given her a concussion.”

Enzo's brows furrowed and he made a face. He did not seem happy. Then again, neither he did he seem surprised. He quickly pulled me to him and lifted my head to him.

“What exactly happened?” He asked as he continued to move his hands over my head and face. His fingers surveyed my scalp, presumably for bumps or something. He took my chin in his hand and swiveled my head from looking left to looking right as the fingers on his other hand felt the tendons in my neck muscles. I tried to answer him, but it wasn't easy as he kept moving my head every which way.

“Um. He dragged me to the dancefloor and, um....” I wasn't sure exactly how to describe it.

Enzo's face got a bitter smile. “Ah. I heard Mambo Number 5.”

That seemed to explain everything so I cut to the punchline.

“Then he swept me into a deep dip and let me go. My head bounced off the floor as he walked off the dancefloor and into the crowd.”

Enzo scowled. He tilted my head back and had me open my eyes wide. Apparently not wide enough because he gently lifted the skin above my lids and had me roll my eyes around. He tilted my head toward some lights in the ceiling. Then he had me follow his finger with my eyes. He seemed satisfied with my response to his quick exam.

“Your responses all seem fine. I wouldn't stress about it.” He smiled.

“Thanks doc.” I smiled. And caught Tina's wince as Enzo raised his fingers.

“Oh, I'm not ….exactly... what you seem to be thinking.” He chuckled. “I don't know what Christina told you.”

“Um. She just said 'You need to meet Enzo' and dragged me to you.”

He nodded. Then startled. “How rude of me. Enzo. Enzo Cestaro.”

“Doctor Enzo Cestaro.” Tina held up a finger.

Enzo shrugged. “I run Noah's Ark-Aid..... it's a veterinary clinic in Cobb's Landing.”

“So he IS a doctor....” Tina struggled to spin it.

“I'm a vet.” He smiled shyly. “But I'd still trust my prognosis. I played rugby in school and I'm no stranger to concussion.” He smiled. “Just don't ask me for any pain scrips.” His grin was devilish.

“I was going to say 'thank you and a pleasure to meet you'...” I mused. “Maybe I should just give you my paw.” I grinned and proffered my hand like an eager pup.

Enzo threw his head back and barked a laugh. Turning back to me with rosy cheeks and his smiling eyes glistening with the trace of a tear of laughter he fought to hold back, he chuckled “THAT's the kind of gratitude I got into this career for.”

Suddenly his eyes darted into the crowd. Enzo abruptly grabbed my hand and with a forced smile said “Let's dance”. Which clearly annoyed the bridesmaid who had been chatting him up.

As I was kind of dragged to the dance floor I groped to understand what just happened. I faintlly managed to blurt out “Is this another concussion test?” With an ambivalent smile.

Enzo gave me an apologetic look. “More like a prophylactic reflex to avoid future concussion. I saw Jerome coming at us like an RPG."

I winced involuntarily. “Thanks for the rescue.” I smiled.

“Least I could do. He's only a third cousin, but I find I often end up dealing with the result of his antics at family gatherings. Did Christina ever tell you of the time he 'freed the lobsters' at a big 50th anniversary party in a very posh restaurant?”

I tried to keep a straight face and mostly succeeded. But I was sure I would not be able to hold back the giggle, so I kept my lips tight and simply shook my head.

“Oh, the stories I could tell. He's a good guy actually. But when he's off his meds, which happens rather often actually..... I can't entirely blame him, I'm sure the chemical straightjacket is terrible.... still, when he 'goes clean' and gets manic, consequences no longer register with him and he becomes a bit of a danger to himself – and others – like you."

I nodded. Enzo and I were dancing fairly close to a slow song when I felt the strong tap on his shoulder through his physical contact with me. It wasn't a tap so much as a violent poke.

“Cutting in!” The voice said.

Enzo released me and spun around. “No Jerry. Find your OWN dance partner.”

Jerome darted around him and grabbed me, yelling at his cousin “No fair. Cuts-ies are allowed!”

Before Enzo could even get a word out, Jerome yanked me deeper into the dance floor and wrapped around me like a python.

“Hey baby. I thought I lost you.” he leered as he dove in at me with his mouth open and his tongue out like ….well, like a snake.

Before he was able to assault my face, I felt another tap through his body. But this wasn't a tap. It was a rough shove. Jerry spun furiously to face the 'tapper'.

“Cutting IN.” Tina's dad said with steely resolve. Jerry scowled and fought to suppress his fury, but even in his fugue state he had enough sense to realize the futility of this encounter. He spat an epithet and stormed off the floor.

Ken held me in a polite yet almost close manner and continued the dance to the slow ballad.

“You seem to be the most popular dance partner at this affair.” he grinned. “I'm surprised you have any room left on your dance card.”

“I fear I will have to turn it in for a fresh one like an overused passport.” I smiled.

“Or maybe you should just sit the rest of this party out.” Ken grinned.

“Fine by me. But others seem to have their own ideas.”

“I'll take care of Jerome. Were you and Enzo.....?”

I laughed. “No. Ti... Christina introduced us after Jerome nearly gave me whiplash, and he dragged me to the dancefloor to escape a storming Jer....”

“I saw it. Enzo's a good guy, but he's too polite to handle Jerome when he gets like this.”

“Thanks for the rescue.” I smiled. “I seem to be needing a lot of them recently.”

Ken chuckled. “Of course you do. You're one of Christina's friends.”

I cocked my head and gave him a quizzical look.

“You met her friends last night and her family today” Ken laughed. “Is it any wonder that Chris.... that Tina and her friends need routine rescues?”

“I hope she knows how lucky she is to have you.” I whispered into his year. “Thanks for the rescue.”

Ken smiled and nodded. “No problem mystery girl.”

I could feel the blood leave my face. Already Ken had started snooping. And apparently he hit my firewall.

“I.... I should get back to my table.... I'm sure you have lots of family to catch up with.” I blustered, trying to extricate myself from this awkward encounter.

Ken nodded. The expression on his face was unreadable, but I got the impression that his ambivalence about this large family gathering was nearly as strong as Tinas.

“Don't be a stranger” he smiled ….ominously?... as he headed back into the crowd.

I roamed the crowd of wedding revelers until I spotted Tina chatting with a bunch of bridesmaids.

“Hey!” I greeted as I approached them. Tina turned with a smile. “Hey yourself! Did Enzo finally decide it was safe for you to go 'free range'?”

I shook my head with a wry smile. “Not exactly. Jerry cut in on the dance floor.”

At the mention of his name, I noticed the group scowl on the bridesmaids. Apparently Tina's cousin was legend.

Tina grimaced at my news. ...and was perplexed by my sudden grin.

“But then I was rescued....”

Her eyebrow raised.

“...by your Dad.” I smirked. The gaggle of bridesmaids collectively startled. Then grinned.

“HE was the one who decided it was safe for me to wander on my own.” I grinned.

Tina shook her head slightly, trying to process what I just told her. The bridesmaids were not so nonplussed.

“If Chris won't introduce us, I guess we'll just have to tell you ourselves” the tall, perky one on the left pronounced. “I'm Heather. This is Scarlet, Amber, Violet and Rose.” They all finger waved with a well polished plasti-smile. It was instantly clear that these were not Tina's friends. They were her schoolmates and Donna – the bride's – friends.

I returned their reflex-smile. “Pleased to meet the whole spectrum.” I heard Tina stifle her snort. A momentary look of 'what just happened?' flashed in their faces as they caught Tina's stifled snort, then they dismissed and went on.

“So, you know Chris how? ….Are any of you related?”

They collectively snapped back as if I had tossed my drink on them. I was beginning to think of this collection of bridesmaids as a single thing... a hive mind... a multi-headed hydra. This amused me so much it was making this encounter almost enjoyable.

“GOD no!” Amber exclaimed so loudly that nearby heads turned. When they noticed where the sound was coming from, they went right back to ignoring us all. Rose cut in. “I see how you could think that....” she said as the others stared at her wondering how anyone could think that. “...we're all friends of the bride... most of the ushers were with her cousin Anthony's family.” The rest of the hydra looked at her, clearly processing this, which apparently hadn't even been noticed by them before, and gave a unitary nod.

“We all just went to school together.” Heather said icily. The hydra nodded.

“We were all catching up on what everybody's up to.” Scarlet said, then felt the need to bring me up to speed, holding out her stunningly manicured hand and counting off on fingers. “Rose is temping.”

I smiled and nodded.

“I'm going to school to be an aesthetician.”

“Cool.” I replied, wanting to seem supportive.

“Amber is working at shady oaks as assistant events coordinator.”

“Is that some kind of rest home?” I inquired innocently and was met with daggers by the hydra and a snort from Tina.

“It's only the most exclusive club in the county.” Amber spat.

“Her dad is on the board.” Scarlet replied helpfully, to Amber's glare.

“Cool.” I smiled, trying to look impressed and calm the hydra.

“....and Heatherrrrr.....” Scarlet proclaimed gesturing with her arms like a prize presenter on a game show “was about to tell Chris about her fabulous job when you ...uh...”

“Yeah. Sorry I interrupted. But please go on. And Heatherrrr?” I said tilting my head and putting a crisp Kardashian fry on her name. I felt Tina poke me from behind.

“Heather is the new director of corporate sales for Sofa King.”

I had vocally backed myself into Kardashian corner, so I figured the quickest way out was the Hilton exit.

“That's HOT.” I gushed.

“Sofa King Hot!” Tina murmured. It was my turn to stifle a snort.

The hydra seemed oblivious.

“Well, it IS her father's company..” Scarlet began and was quickly cut off by Heather.

“Daddy was looking to open a corporate sales division to leverage the hospitality market, but could never find the right person to head it up, but it had been a dream of his for years. When I came on board, I convinced him I knew the market and landed the position.”

“She can land all the positions” Tina whispered in my ear. I kept the permasmile plastered. “And no one knows the hotels and motels around these parts better... and all the managers!” she continued to whisper. I fought down my smirk.

“What?” Heather said as the hydra glared at us.

“Ti... Chris was just informing me of the time. I'm her ride and she really wants to give her regards to the happy couple before we have to leave.” I lied. She nodded.

“It was really nice to meet you all.” I smiled. They reflexively smiled back like flight attendants rushing to diplomatically hurry the herd off the plane.

As we launched back into the crowd, Tina said “Thanks for the rescue. I don't know who was more thankful you got us away, me or....”

“..the Hydra?”

She stopped walking and stared at me. I simply shrugged. “I instantly got the impression I was dealing with something with one mind and five heads."

The grin erupted on Tina's face as she nodded her head vigorously. “Oh, girl.... I am SO using that.... and you're going to have to find a way to draw it!” she cackled.

While working our way back to our table we did in fact run into the 'happy couple' fending off well wishers. Only they didn't strike me as terribly happy. They seemed more overwhelmed.

“Hey, congratulations!” Tina leaned in for a requisite hug with her cousin and a much more ginger near-embrace with the bride. It was like the full body version of an air-kiss.

“All done.” Donna dripped with content.

“Bitchiotti” Tina shot back instantly with a head nod. Then she pulled back and got a thoughtful look. “Guess I can't call you that now that you're married.” Her cousin Tony looked at the two. He was not happy, but he didn't seem surprised either. “Don't worry, I'll come up with something” she smiled as the bride scowled.

“That was a beautiful dress!” Tina gushed. Donna began to relax slightly and as the proud smile began to form Tina continued “...you couldn't see a thing.” she gently touched Donna's belly. The bride jumped back as if Tina had poked her with a cattle prod, spun on her heels and stormed off into the crowd, arm stiff and straight over her head, a single manicured finger turned in our direction.

Tina chuckled. “You're going to have your hands full with that one.” she smiled to Tony.
“…..but she'll make a great mom..... she's like a lioness.”

Her cousin flashed a conflicted smile and ran his hand through his hair. “God, I hope so.”

“Oh, God. I'm so rude. Anthony Rossi.... this is my good friend and plus one Chloe Saville.”

I smiled politely and shook. God his hands were sweaty. I don't know if that was from running them through his hair or he did that to try and dry them. Whatever. It didn't work.

“So how do you know Chrissy.... Christina?” he corrected.

“We live together.” Tina said.

At her cousin's raised eyebrow I added. “With another girl in an awesome 3 bedroom house her dad arranged.”

His expression calmed. “Sounds like a sitcom setup.” he smiled.

“No wacky neighbors. ….that we know of.” Tina smiled.

“Or a horror movie....” he mused.

“No creepy neighbors.” I volunteered.

“THAT we know of....” Tina said with a raised finger and a wicked grin.

“...or maybe some other kind of movie....” Tony grinned “how well do you know the pizza guy?”

Tina gave him a playful – but strong – slap. “Get your mind out of the gutter you perv... you're a married man now. No more thinking about that!”

“Well, now only thinking.” I grinned. Tina and Tony both laughed.

“Still. Not about that. Not about US!” she warned Tony.

“Oh, GOD no!” he startled, clearly as creeped out by the thought as his cousin. That was a relief.

“So where you guys going on your honeymoon?”

Tony shrugged. “Nowhere yet. Donna's really been feeling.... well, she doesn't want to travel. She says we should wait till after.... till she's feeling like herself again.”

Tina and I both smiled politely and nodded. Something told me, and I knew she was thinking it too, these two aren't going to get to honeymoon until they're in their forties and their kids are on their own.

We made a little more smalltalk and turned him over to the next well wisher.

“Are we done here?” Tina asked.

“Are you asking ME? This is your thing.... your family.... are you done here?”

“So done here.” Tina grinned. “Just let me hit the ladies before we jet.”

“Good idea” I nodded.

It wasn't too crowded and Tina and I quickly finished our business. While touching up at the mirror, I noticed the last stall, which had been occupied when we arrived, was still shut. I got the feeling that something was up and tapped Tina on the shoulder, motioning to the closed stall. She quickly picked up on what I was thinking and slowly walked over to the door, stepping back and eyeing the shoes.

“Mom?” she asked hesitantly.

“....Chrissie? ….is that you?”

“....and my friend Chloe..... you remember? From the....”

She sniffed a laugh. “Hi Chloe.... oh God... this is so embarrassing....”

“Nothing to be embarrassed about mom.” Tina said gently. “...is everything OK?”

Another sniffed laugh erupted from within the stall. Tina rephrased the question.

“....are YOU OK?”

There was a stirring from the stall and the sound of flushing.

“GODDAMMIT! I hate these goddamned things!” her mothers voice echoed on the tile walls.

Tina shot me a shit-eating grin. “Yeah.... she's OK.”

The stall door opened and Tina's mom emerged with an expression that was equal parts mortification and pissed offed-ness. She was as angry as a cat in a car wash. She twisted around to try to catch a glimpse of her own backside, then moved to the mirror to see if that could work. Tina and I surveyed the damage.

“It's not really that bad.” Tina tried to cheer.

“It will probably dry quickly.” I volunteered.

Maria Aldone scowled at her reflection. “It will probably leave a stain or at least a ring.” Who thought putting those evil things on toilets was a good idea? Even if someone's too uncivilized to flush, the next one in can do it. We don't need ….machines!” she said through gritted teeth.

I smiled. “I always keep a small cloth pouch in my purse, I put it over those things like a knit cap and they behave until you take it off.”

Maria tilted her head and regarded me. She was beginning to calm. “Why didn't I think of that? That's very resourceful dear. What gave you the idea?”

I shrugged sheepishly, recalling the 'inspiration'. “...once burned....” I smiled.

“...or doused!” Tina laughed. Then she turned to her mom and looked mortified.

Maria laughed. “Lesson learned.” Then her expression got bitter again. “...this is just the cherry on the sundae...” she muttered. Turning to Tina she said “I was hiding from your aunts Vera and Sophia.”

Tina nodded solemnly. “Was it anything I....”

“Just the usual sweetie. Some things never change.” she said with a sigh “I just was really not in the mood for it today....”

Tina nodded then glanced my way. “We were about to sneak out. …..Wanna come?” she grinned.

Maria regarded us both for a moment, then her face erupted into the same grin I knew so well from Tina. “More than you know.”

We were in the car headed back to Tina's family home when she turned to me.

“You in any hurry to be somewhere?” she inquired with a smile.

I shook my head. “Probably should check into my B&B before they file a missing person report and sell my stuff on ebay.... but otherwise, no. What are you thinking?”

Tina glanced to her mom in the back seat. “Mom? Are you in a hurry to get home?”

It was clear from her mother's expression that she was most definitely NOT. She shook her head, holding eye contact with Tina.

“Chrissie?.....” Her mom asked, the slight curls of a smile beginning to form... “What ARE you thinking?”

Tina smiled wickedly. “Well, since we never get the chance.... how about a girl's day out?”

The smile erupted on Tina's mom Maria, accompanied by a vigorous nod.

I just laughed and held up a finger. “But NOT like our girl's night out yesterday!” I grinned then immediately clenched, catching Maria's querulous expression in the rear-view mirror. I instantly glanced to Tina in my mortified contrition. She just smiled, and twisting to her mom in the back seat, proceeded to give a – highly sanitized – but still mostly accurate recap of our previous night on the town. Including the run in with 'Carpenter Scott'.

Tina's mom seemed to be wrestling with amusement over Tina's retelling, which certainly was Moth-stage-worthy, and the notion that she should be the disapproving parental role model. She finally relaxed and mirth won out.

“Oh, Chrissy. I never knew you had a thing for that boy in high school.” She then paused a beat, and as I glanced at her in the mirror, it was clear she was choosing her next words carefully. “.....or any boy.”

Tina rolled her eyes. “Remember what happened to the few boys I did bring home?”

Her mom's face betrayed a smirk, and she nodded slowly, the humor in her eyes unmaskable. “....but that was all when you were a freshman... you never brought a boy home since.”

Tina gave her mom a 'Duh' expression. “Any wonder WHY?”. She and her mom exchanged a look and Maria shook a contrite 'No'.

“I even tried NOT bringing them home!” apparently now that this vein was tapped, it was not going to stop until the pressure was released. “Daddy found out anyway, and ended up …..'bumping into them'... and scaring the hell out of them and I was alone again! Is it any wonder why Lauren and the gang were my only friends all through high school?” She was really agitated. I reached over and put a calming hand on her arm.

“I had to run away to college in another state before I could even go out with a boy without Daddy throwing me into protective custody!”

Maria's brow furrowed. She quietly said “Honey. You know he was only looking out for you.” But her tone of voice made it clear she was echoing the 'company line' and probably thought Ken had overstepped as well.

“Well, it's good to know you like boys.” she soothed. Then upon hearing her own words, looked like she desperately wanted to take them back and rephrase.

Tina just laughed. “Always did. And now they're free to like me back!”

“Except Carpenter Scott.” I couldn't resist butting in.

Tina put on a mock pout and her mother actually laughed out loud! I had never seen her so relaxed.

“Oh, God. Your father.... if you brought home.....” she struggled to find mom-appropriate words.

I could say what she felt she couldn't. So I did. “A stripper.”

Tina glared daggers at me. Her mom just went red and snickered.

“OK. OK!” I laughed, walking it back a bit. “An exotic dancer.... a carnal cabaret performer... an erotic..”

Tina slapped my arm HARD. Her exaggerated disapproval an obvious mask over her own amusement.

“Enough! He was..... is...... a skilled tradesman.” She lost her battle to hide her own smirk.

“....well, at least he has a trade....” her mom said primly from the back seat.

Tina and I erupted. “And half of Greenville can attest to his skill.” I snickered.

OK. Whatever icy distance or role-appropriate posturing there was between Tina and her mom... it was utterly dispelled. We were just three silly people, in relaxed company, headed.....

“Where are we going anyway?” I asked.

“Greenville?” Tina suggested. Her mom shrugged 'sure'. And Tina shot me a smile. “I want to meet this hunky B&B guy you've been telling me about.”

“I did NOT call him 'hunky'!” I protested. Tina simply smiled wickedly. “Didn't have to.”

I scowled. I did not call Charles 'hunky' and I never implied that he was. Still.... from a certain perspective, he was. He could be a cover model on a mountaineering magazine or an R.E.I. ad. I ground my teeth and shot Tina an annoyed look. She beamed back. “OK. It's settled. We're seeing Chloe's fabulous B&B and doing Greenville!”

“NOT like last night!” I smiled with an upraised finger.

“NOTHING like last night!” Tina laughed.

From the backseat, Tina's mom smiled, seemingly up for anything, but mostly I suspected, relieved to be away from that reception hall filled with her in-laws.

When we arrived at my B&B, Charles was delighted to see us. He truly was an avid people person and quickly got Tina and her mom into a rapt conversation.

“Enough about my world travels. I'm bored listening to my same old stories. I want to know about you. How did you and Christina's dad meet?” Charles inquired with a smile. As Maria gathered her thoughts to answer, it was clear from her expression that even Tina didn't know this tale.

“I was in Rome with my family, taking a year between high school and college. My father was an executive with SDS data systems and overseeing the installation of a new mainframe at Banca D'Italia and the training of the local I.T. staff. Mom & I were along because he knew it would be a long project and held out for his family to accompany him on this project. Mom & I were both excited. She had never been to Rome and I had never been....anywhere. I made some friends. Mostly ex-pats.... diplomat's kids and other outsiders.... but also a few bored locals who took to strangers as the next best thing to being able to afford to travel themselves.

I was with some girlfriends on a weekend trek to Naples. We wanted to see Pompei and see if all the stories we heard about Salerno were true. We met some boys. Some local boys.... or so we thought. We tried to convince them that we were all from Rome. ….well we were but we tried to convince them that we were all Rome natives. Lucia and Gia were, of course but Sofia was Serbian, Mona was Irish, and I was just a girl from Brazil.”

Upon Charles' raised eyebrow Maria let out a nervous giggle. “Oh, God no. Not Brazil the country! ….Brazil Indiana! Couldn't be less like Brazil the country.” She paused a moment as if it was the first time the thought occurred to her “yet my family is Portuguese ...and we settled in Brazil.” She barked a laugh. “Obviously the wrong Brazil!”

I caught Tina's rapt attention on every word her mom said. This was obviously the first time she heard any of it. Thank you Charles.

Tina's mom took a moment and composed herself. “So.... we convinced these boys we were all Italian.... which should have spilled to us that they obviously were NOT because they should have seen right through our stories.” She smiled to herself. “Obviously neither of us saw through the others bluff.”

Maria smiled wickedly. “I still remember...... They were Don – Donatello. Leo – Leonardo. Mike – Michalengelo. And Rafe – Raphael.”

I snerked. Maria caught it and nodded with a wicked smile. Charles caught it too and shared a wicked grin with me.

“Turtles all the way down.” I grinned. Maria nodded with a wicked smile.

“Not quite all the way!” She grinned. “The boy I fell for instantly was Rudy.” She cocked her head and shot me a “get it?” glare.

I just returned a puzzled look. Like Tina. Though something told me Charles had an inkling.

“Rudolpho.” She smiled at me. I continued returning a bewildered glare. “...Laspari....”

Charles snickered. Something was tickling my brain. Tina's mom was generous. She gave me time to get it.

“The greatest tenor since Caruso.” I grinned. She blushed.

“I had no idea.” She smiled. I nodded with a grin. Obviously she was not raised by a TV showing old Marx Brothers movies. Thanks mom & dad.

“So we all convinced these 'local boys' that we were sophisticated city girls from Rome come down to explore the ruins of Pompeii..... and take in ….the local culture” she grinned wickedly.

Charles clucked a smile and I caught Tina's disbelieving stare out of the corner of my eye.

Maria laughed. “Eventually it all fell apart.... I don't recall who broke first.... but we all kind of twigged that everyone was full of bluster... and we were too.... and started telling our real truths..... They were all American G.I.s on leave and ….trying to fit in....” she grinned. “We laughed at the fact that we all tried to bluff each other. Turns out we were all OK with the actual truth. ….well, no surprise that Rudolpho was actually another American... a boy from Delaware named Ken. Ken Aldone. He accompanied his friends down from Ramstein because they were his friends.... and for adventure.... but mostly because he wanted to explore his 'ancestral home'. Even when I told him my real name, he assumed I was Italian.... and I didn't correct him.” she grimaced.

“We kind of hit it off and exchanged contact info. We became pen pals for a few years. At some point my Dad located to St Louis. Ken wrote and mentioned that he was currently stationed in Kansas. Things got pretty heavy pretty fast, and soon enough we were married with a baby on the way.” she smiled. “....Sal.”

My mind instantly turned to Tony & Donna at the wedding and I just as quickly shoved those thoughts aside.

“So I was suddenly an army wife with a growing brood traveling the world....” the sense of ….the overwhelming nature of this realization swept across her face. “.....eventually Ken retired. Did his 20. Took his pension and we planted roots. ….Here....” she said with what I took as ambivalence.

Charles smiled. I stole a glance at Tina. It was as if she never even knew her mom. She was processing it all.

“...And how do you all know....” Charles shot me a glance.

Tina smiled. “Chloe and I met at a really lame club. She rescued me after a drunken jock on the make barfed all over me. She loaned me her jacket and instantly became my friend for life!”

Tina's mom raised an eyebrow but said nothing. She simply smiled and nodded. Something told me she was not unaware of similar situations.

“My cousin was getting married and Chloe offered to drive me home. She's never been here before and figured she'd do Greenville while I did family stuff.”

“And thanks to Charles, I did get to do Greenville. The cream of Greenville – thanks to a great list by a discerning curator!” I grinned. Charles blushed.

“But I do have to take you to task over one thing.” I smiled. Charles gave me a puzzled look.

“The 'Gone in 60 nanoseconds' collection at BeauxArtes?” I scowled. He shot me a concerned look.

“Who on earth is this Bernard guy?” I grinned.

Charles blushed. “Did he give you a hard time? Accuse you of loitering? Demand that you leave?” Obviously he was well aware of Bernard's …..people skills.

I smiled. “Not quite. He merely accused me of attempting to 'steal' artwork to my iPhone.”

Charles rolled his eyes. “Please let me apologize on his behalf. He..”

“No need.” I grinned and thumbed through my phone, finding and displaying the photo of the descriptor/pricetag. “I WAS taking a photo. But only of the price tag. Not the print.”

Charles flashed an apologetic smile.

“No real need to snap the print, since the original's still sitting on my hard drive.” I smiled.

As expected, Charles shot me a look of incomprehension.

“It was a collectible print from Plague Diaries.” I smiled and nodded to Tina. “My housemates saga.”

Tina blushed. Her mom just gave her a look. A 'what's going on here?' look.

“She wrote it as an anthology.... then I got the crazy notion to turn it into a graphic novel..... mostly because I was captivated by it and wanted in... but I'm no storyteller... just an art school grad. So she let me do the graphics.”

Charles just stared. Processing. He reached into his pocket and snatched his smartphone. After a few minutes poking, he returned his eyes to us.

I smiled and gestured to Tina. “Tina Aldone. T.Aldone.” And as I had done on the back of Bernard's business card, I fished for my gel pen and scrawled my 'glyph' on the back of a scrap of paper.

“Saville. Chloe Saville.” I said in my best – but still utterly lame – Sean Connery as I traced the letters on the glyph with the tip of my pen.

Charles just stared at us. As did Tina's mom.

“Are you famous?” She asked quietly.

“In some circles” Tina replied even more quietly while Charles simultaneously muttered “Not yet.”

They exchanged glances. Tina nodded to Charles. He went first.

“It's still very niche. Very avant garde. But the buzz is growing. It's searing and unforgettable, and slowly people are beginning to take notice. It's poised to become really big.” He said with what seemed like a touch of reverence, shooting skeptical glances to Tina and me.

“Oh God no.” Tina laughed. “It was never intended to be something BIG.... it was just an itch that I needed to scratch..... and then Chloe read it and came to me with these ….sketches.... and it became more. Still.... it's just.... scratching an itch.... not much more than a hobby....”

Charles raised an eyebrow. “It's much more than that to the people who have been sucked into its world. It's a parable. A paradigm. A different way of seeing the world. It's changing your readers view of reality.”

I saw Tina blanche. “Oh God. I just wanted to tell a good story..... I never intended to..”

Charles smiled. “Funny thing about art. Doesn't much matter what the creator intended. The ultimate value depends on the one who consumes it.”

Tina blanched and raised a finger to make a rebuttal.

I cut her off with a (forced) carefree laugh. “Whoa. We didn't come here to get all heavy and navel gaze-y. We came here to escape the family minefield that is the wedding reception.” I turned to Charles with a forced smile and a 'help-me-out-here' look in my eyes. I could tell instantly he read me right. “What's good to do for three ladies looking to 'do the town'?”

~~~

Beau's was just as Suzie described it. It was like walking into the set of a 'Farmers Only' dating app commercial.

Tina's mom lit up. “Oooh. Look at how fancy everything is!” she beamed. Then she glanced at all the guys scoping us out. “Oh.” she gasped somewhat under her breath.

Tina and I exchanged a glance. ...and a smile.

Charles shot Maria a glance. “I take it you approve?” he grinned.

Tina's mom blushed slightly. “Everyone seems.... it seems very nice.”. I think she was going for an 'approving mom' delivery, but none of us were buying it.

I smiled to Tina. “Tell your friends they were right about Beaus.”

Maria turned to me. “What did Chrissy's friends say?”

I glanced to Tina then back at her mom. “Just that I needed to check it out when I explored Greenville. I guess they agree with you.” I smiled.

She returned an uncertain smile. I don't think Tina's mom was comfortable sharing an opinion with her daughter's notoriously rowdy friends.

Charles rescued us from this uncomfortable moment.

“We didn't come here to chatter. Let's DANCE.” He beamed and grabbed Maria's hand.

Tina and I exchanged grins.

I'm not really a big dancer. I'm usually too self-conscious. And being dressed like a second grade teacher from 1972 out on the floor with everyone else in their denim minis or super tight jeans and cowboy boots didn't help. Still, the fact that line dancing was more like the chicken dance we did at the reception than the dirty dancing I did last night with that guy Geo at the club helped calm my nerves. All I really had to do, I told myself, was match and mirror... a talent I mastered early in my life, for survival.

No one shot terribly scornful glances as the two girls who looked like they escaped from an abstinence meeting took to the floor. Tina didn't seem to care what any of these strangers thought, but for some reason it still mattered to me. I got over it quickly as the crowd courteously made room for us on the dance floor. I had never line danced before so I just mirrored Tina like the clone brush on my paint program. No one seemed to notice and I soon relaxed. Tina really seemed to be enjoying herself. Then I caught her eyeline and understood why. She was looking at her mom, about six ahead and a row over, laughing and dancing and occasionally ducking in to exchange a word with Charles. Her body language was more relaxed than I'd ever seen it, and she looked a decade younger.... carefree and letting her hair down for a night on the town.

Tina caught my glance and flashed me a grin. She seemed to be enjoying her mom's 'girls day out' as much as Maria.

Break

We eventually took a break and went back to our table. ...when we immediately were accosted by two guys.

“Hey ladies. Here alone?” Guy in a foam trucker cap asked.

I glared at him as Tina shook 'No'.

“We're here with my....” she suddenly faltered, realizing she had just built herself a semantic plank to walk.

I nodded to the dancefloor. “Maria. In the salmon chemise with the ecru....” They stared at me as if I was speaking Klingon. “Pink top. Brown skirt. With the guy in the sweater” I dumbed down.

They nodded.

“Your older sister?” foam cap guy asked Tina.

She gave a slight nod and a smile. Sister. That would work.

“She's showing us the highlights of Greenville” I smiled/lied.

Tina quickly got on my wavelength. WE were the tourists, being shown the town by the 'older sister'. She grinned enthusiastically.

“Well, you've come to the right place.” Flannel shirt guy said.

“Right place for what exactly?” I raised an eyebrow cracking a wry smile.

I guess he didn't expect the question. He looked lost. Then foam cap guy rescued him.

“Good music. Good dancing. Good people.” He grinned.

I just stared back at him until he realized his oversight.

“I'm Joe by the way. Joe Blake. And this is my buddy Glenn.”

“Glenn Davis.” flannel shirt guy leaned in and awkwardly offered his hand.

Tina reached out to take it and introduce herself, but I cut her off.

“Janet.” I smiled. “Janet Wilson.” I tried to choose a name that seemed as bland as my outfit. Tina shot me a glance and a quick smile. She was on my wavelength.

“Lisa.” she smiled as she took the guys hand. “Lisa Vaughn.”

OK this would work. Foam cap guy and flannel shirt guy could comb the earth looking for Janet and Lisa and we'd still be safe.

“Pleased to meet you ladies.” Joe said. At least he had the good manners to tip his foam cap. His pal smiled and nodded. “Can we buy you a drink?”

Tina shot me a look. I smiled and said “That's very generous. A lemonade if they have it. ….or maybe a pop? Something without caffeine?”

Tina butted in. “A sprite or something maybe?....”

“We're about to leave on a mission and ….Mary...” I nodded my head in the direction of Maria still tearing up the floor with Charles. “...wanted to leave us with good memories before we began our obligations.” I smiled.

The two guys shot each other a glance. I think they noticed the two cute girls alone so they came over, but now they were looking at our ….conservative.... outfits and realizing this was not going to go remotely they way they expected when they approached us. Still, they were gentlemen about it.

“Certainly ladies.” Glenn said politely – if not enthusiastically. “No alcohol. No caffeine. Are you Mor.... um LDS?”.

This guy was good.

I shook my head “Heavens NO!”. I exclaimed and gave him nothing more.

Tina shot me a glance with a gleam in her eye. She was enjoying this.

Joe looked at Glenn and shrugged. Glenn went on. “Adventist?”

Scowl.

“Jehovas Witnesses?” He tool another stab.

I shot Tina a scowl. “Coming here may have been a mistake.”

She shrugged. “We didn't have much choice. Mary's guests. Mary's choice. ….she meant well.”

I shrugged back and turned to the guys. “It's not important. Thanks for the beverages. Are you going to ask us to dance next?”

They looked at each other. It was clear both were lost. I could tell Tina was enjoying this as much as I was.

“Um.... do you... can you... I mean are you allowed to dance?” Foam cap guy asked.

“Are you asking?” Tina raised an eyebrow.

The two guys gave very conflicted, less than enthusiastic nods.

“Well let's find out if we can dance.” I smiled and grabbed bewildered flannel shirt guy by the hand, leading him to the dance floor followed closely by Tina and foam hat guy.

They were clearly caught off guard. This was not going anywhere near the way they expected when they approached us. We had somehow taken control of the encounter and were leading the interaction. Their confusion tickled me, and I got the sense Tina was feeling the same way.

We moved onto the dancefloor and sidled next to Maria and Charles.

“Hey you two!” She beamed. “About time you joined us.” She raised an eyebrow and addressed Tina “who are your friends?”

Tina grinned. “Joe.” Foam hat guy tipped his truckers cap again. “...and his friend Glenn.” she nodded to me and my dance partner. Flannel shirt guy gave a polite micro-bow.

“Did we mention that we never line danced before?” I leaned in and whispered to Glenn.

He seemed unfazed. “No problem. Just watch and copy.” he smiled graciously. He nodded to Joe and Tina who already seemed to be in a groove.

I smiled back politely. I had been matching and mirroring most of my life. I could do this in my sleep. But he didn't have to know that. I deliberately messed up a little to seem like a beginner.

Glenn got a little 'handsy' putting his hands on my waist and 'directing' me to follow the moves. I didn't take it as copping a feel. He seemed to genuinely be trying to correct my (deliberate) mistakes. I shot him a glare as he ….maneuvered... me. His contrite look and instant removal of his hands put me at ease. He really wasn't trying to pull a move. He just inadvertently crossed a line and, catching it, instantly withdrew. I smiled to reassure him there were no hard feelings and fell into the move as if his direction was what 'corrected' my technique. Really just dropped the beginner mistakes to prevent him from physically ...correcting... me again.

We danced to a few songs before Charles & Maria dropped out, giving us a wave as they made for their table. Tina and I exchanged a glance. These guys were pleasant enough dance partners, but we didn't really want to hang out with them. This was about Tina taking her mom out for a day on the town, not about us flirting with boys. After a few minutes, I glanced in the direction of Maria and Charles then motioned to Tina, who seemed ready to end things too. I leaned in to Glenn and said “Thanks for the dance. It looks like Mary and Reverend Ricky want a word with us.”
Before he could respond I darted in and gave a quick cheek peck – actually it was more like a lip-bump to his cheek. I reached over to Tina and gave her a 'ready?' look. She scowled, and turned to Joe with an apologetic shrug while I grabbed her hand and yanked her off the dance floor.
“Smooth move.” she leaned in to my ear as we made our way back to the table. “What did you tell them?”
I smiled. “I just said it looked like Mary and Reverend Ricky wanted a word with us.”
Tina snorted. “Reverend Ricky?”
Well it wouldn't do for a righteous lady like Mary to be carrying on with a heathen.” I grinned.
Tina laughed. “I want to see you explain all this to Charles and my mom before those two tomcats follow us to our table.”

Charles and Maria took it as well as I'd hoped when I explained our cover story and their aliases. I didn't really expect Glenn and Joe to come after us, and they didn't. Still, I figured briefing everyone on the ruse was the prudent thing to do. Charles and Tina's mom were as amused as I'd expected.

“Where in the world did you come up with a crazy story like that?” Charles chortled.

Tina and I exchanged glances. “It just seemed to fit our outfits and to signal from the start that it wasn't even worth dipping their hook in the water” I smiled.

Charles grinned with a nod as Maria laughed. “Oh God, you're wicked! Once Ken gets to know you, he's going to adore you!”

Charles shot a perplexed look between Maria Tina and me.

“Rudolfo” I started to say as Maria said “My husband” and Tina blurted “My dad.”

Even through that verbal collision, Charles got the message and smiled with a nod as a waitress arrived with a tray full of appetizers.

“We ordered while you were still dancing.” Maria explained.

“We didn't know what you wanted, so we got a little of everything.” Charles smiled.

“Chrissy's never been a picky eater, so I know these are good choices, and I hope there's something here you like dear.” Tina's mom smiled to me. I returned her smile.

“I like to think I'm easy to please. It all looks delicious.” I smiled back. Then out of the corner of my eye I noticed Charles rolling up his sleeves. I quirked an eyebrow.

“In case your eager suitors are still looking, I figured it wouldn't hurt to keep up appearances.” he whispered.

I bit back my grin as he made an elaborate pantomime of shaking the bottle of cider vinegar over our french fries and seeming to bless the food while the three of us bowed our heads behind clasped hands. The easier to hide our snickers.

When Charles took a deep fried pickle chip and raised it up over his head I gave him a kick under the table. He quickly brought his arms back down and shot me a guilty smile.

“Thank God this isn't a kosher meal because we have a big ham at the table.” I grumbled with my head down. And felt Charles' foot return my gentle kick.

Once the theatrical saying of grace was finished, we started passing around appetizer plates in a round robin. I saw Tina blanche at the plate of fully loaded nachos and snerked. Tina's mom caught this.

“Chrissy? What's wrong? You always loved nachos?”

At which point Tina decided to tell the full story of how we met, avoiding just enough graphic detail to not ruin our appetites. Still, that plate of nachos remained pretty much untouched for the rest of our stay at Beaus.

“Chrissy? What's wrong? You always loved nachos?”

At which point Tina decided to tell the full story of how we met, avoiding just enough graphic detail to not ruin our appetites. Still, that plate of nachos remained pretty much untouched for the rest of our stay at Beaus.

We eventually made our way back to my little Hyundai & squeezed everyone in, when Charles tapped my shoulder from the back seat.

“Could I trouble you to make a little detour?”

I reflexively nodded. “Sure. Where to?”

He shot Tina & her mom a wicked grin.

We had no trouble parking practically in front of the Beaux Artes gallery, because at this time of evening on a weekend most of the little mom & pop merchants were closed and off enjoying their weekend.

Charles motioned for us all to follow him as he walked up to the front door of the gallery, and, pulling a keyring from his pocket, proceeded to let us into the closed gallery, quickly keying in the alarm code and hitting the lights with one hand while pulling out & dialing his mobile phone with the other.

“Hey. It's me. Yeah, I stopped by the gallery because I had some ideas on presentation and arrangement I wanted to try out. So, yeah when the alarm folks call, tell them it's cool. OK. Ciao.” he shoved his phone back into his pocket as he keyed a sequence into the alarm keypad on the wall.

“Bernard?” I quirked an eyebrow at Charles. He smiled & nodded.

“We're lucky to have him. He has no life outside the gallery, so 24/7 when the alarm company calls him, he's here in under 20.” Charles smiled ambivalently.

“...still.... we don't want him crashing in while I'm escorting my special guests on a private tour” he smiled and gave Tina's mom a playful nudge.

He walked us through the gallery giving us a captivating recollection of how he came to be one of the directors.... initially expecting to be no more than an enthusiastic fan.

“They're lucky to have you” I smiled. “You have exquisite taste and an eye for the next big thing” I said waving my arm across the spectacular presentations adorning the walls. “....with only the occasional lapse in judgement” I smiled as I walked up to our P.D. print.

Tina's eyes went wide seeing this all-too-familiar image hanging on the wall next to the stunning pieces that took our collective breath away.

Her mom stared for a moment, then leaned in to read the description card – and stare at the price tag.

“This is YOURS?” Maria asked Tina, the awe in her voice unmistakable.

Tina shrugged. “Chloe's actually. She's the artist.” and she shot me a self conscious grin.

“Oh please. I just give form to Christina's vision.... her prose is so striking....”

Charles cleared his throat and gave Tina and me a chiding scowl. “It's a collaboration.... an artistic ….synergy.... the whole vastly exceeds the sum of its parts.... both of which are staggering in their own rights. It's gained a massive following...”

“Cult following....” I corrected with raised finger as Tina nodded.

“Initially.” Charles shot back. “But not for long.... word IS getting out... and soon it will be as mainstream as a Marvel property.” he smiled.

I caught the look in Tina's eyes. The dawning realization that maybe she had set in motion something that was about to overwhelm and devour her. I had to calm her down.

“We'll see about that.” I cynically said to Charles. Tina began to calm.

“Yes, we WILL...” Charles smiled back as Tina's growing calm evaporated again.

Meanwhile, Tina's mom was just staring at us wide-eyed. Her pupils following our conversation as if it were a tennis match.

“Anyone up for a nightcap?” I asked desperately hoping to change the subject.

“It's barely after dusk....” Charles started to say before I derailed him with my glare.

“....I have just the place.” He smiled conciliatorially to me.

It was a delightful cappucino bar, Even Tina's mom approved, and I figured she was a tough sell.

“People slag Greenville as a one-note boring backwater.” Charles grinned. “They should be bright enough to see that there's more to it than the most popular Yelp review.”

I raised my coffee cup in a mock toast. “To the best kept secret in these parts.” I grinned.

Charles ambivalently returned my toast. “Still, I wish the puzzle was easier to solve.... sure it's great that discerning tourists get it...” He mock toasted us. “But this city and the amazing people in it deserve broader recognition.”

I elbowed Charles, recalling my talk with Bo & Lisa the day before. “We need to chat about that.” I whispered with a grin.

Tina's mom smiled and lifted her mug. “To line dancing AND ephemeral arts.”

Charles chuckled. “I guess we're big enough to envelope both.”

We finished our dessert coffees and I dropped Charles off before bringing Tina and her mom home.

I queried Tina quietly. “Are you going to get in any trouble for.....”

“Going AWOL?” Tina smirked at her mom, who scowled.

Her mom shook her head. “No.... nah... not likely.... in fact they're probably relieved that they don't have to deal with me....”

Tina grimaced. “You have every right to be there. You're family.”

Her mom flashed a bitter smile. “Not blood. Just marriage.”

Tina grinned. “That may be a good thing.... aunts Vera and Sophia would be even harder to get away from if you were blood.”

Tina's mom barked a bitter laugh. “Good point!” She got quiet again. “I don't think the boys will be home till late...” she smirked “....and your dad....” she looked at Tina.

“If anyone gets it Daddy does. Just tell him you ran away with me and Chloe.” Tina smiled warmly.

There was ...a moment... between her mom and Tina. Maria gazed at her daughter with the warmest smile.

“As usual.... you're right.” she beamed.

I dropped Tina and her mom home and begged out of coming in. I think we all were done with this day, each for our own reasons, so there wasn't too much pressure. As I headed back to Greenville, I had a thought. An inappropriate thought. 'Better act on it before reason kicks in' I thought. I picked up the phone and called Charles.

“Hey Charles... it's Chloe.... I know this is utterly random and I'm asking you upfront NOT to overthink this.... or even think of it at ALL....” I blushed to myself. “....I don't expect you to know this.... but I don't know who else to ask.... and you seem to know everything and everyone in Greenville.....” I tamped down my embarrassment and soldiered on “.....the other night.... um... last night..... my friend Tina's friends took us to..... I guess you would call it an all-male review.... in the middle of nowhere....”

Charles chuckled into the phone and I could picture his eyebrow raising. “So THAT'S why you didn't return last night....”

“I plead the fifth!” I interrupted with a laugh, trying to keep it light.

“And you already want to go BACK?” His tone was amused yet vaguely lascivious.

“It's NOT what you think!” I vainly protested “....I.... have some, um... unfinished business.....” my discomfort was interrupted by a thought “....IF you can even help me find the place again.... Tina's friend Lauren drove and I..... wasn't paying attention to the route....”

“I'll bet you weren't” I could hear his lewd grin through the phone.

“....so.... do you have any idea what I'm talking about and where....”

“Sounds like Dante's.... in the old stockyard district... middle of nowhere, right?”

I nodded, then caught myself. “Um, yeah.... lots of industrial buildings...”

“But no neighbors to disturb?” I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Yeah.” I replied in a small voice.

“Exit 34 off the interstate. Follow the signs for the recycling center.... then drive about a half mile beyond the turnoff for the landfill... you'll see a large industrial park on your left. I imagine Dante's will be the only lit structure this time of night. By the way... I think they have different theme nights.... it may not be... what you remember....” I could hear the grin in his voice.

“I don't remember much.” I reflexively responded and heard his snort. I flinched.

“....well... I just wanted to warn you.... different nights... different themes.” Charles said quietly.

“Thanks for the heads up. I just have to do a quick errand.”

“Oh?”

“I'll explain later.” I said as I saw exit 34 approaching.

“Yes you WILL. That's the price for using me as your personal GPS.” Charles laughed.

“OK. Gotta go. Thanks for the help!” I blurted and ended the call as I made for exit 34.

As I pulled off the highway I recalled Charles description of the area and thought to myself 'anyone who accidentally took this exit at this time of night would immediately turn around and high-tail it back to civilization'. Bleak and ominous doesn't begin to describe it. This seemed like an area where after dark nothing good or respectable happens. Then I shook my head with a guilty smirk as fleeting glimpses of the previous night tickled my brain. Charles was right. Dante's, while still quite discreetly lit, was the only sign of life in this industrial park.

I noticed the cars parked in the lot were quite different from what I remembered from the night before. No Beetles or Nissans or any of the makes cluttering every suburban mall. There were vans and crazy stretch limos, some of those airport shuttle type vehicles in stealth-black onyx outfitted with reflecting windows, which I guess would better be described as a 'party bus'. OK. Different night. Different crowd.

I made my way around back and looked for an employee entrance. The low pressure sodium vapor light cast the world in an other-worldly sepia. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was Dorothy, about to open the world and get her first eyeful of Oz. I made my way to the back door and looked for a bell. I finally settled for pounding on the metal door, which was quickly opened my a mountain of a man, intimidating but not threatening. He just seemed like a fearsome ogre protecting something of value.

“Entrance is around front.” He immediately said upon seeing me.

I smiled as obsequiously as I could and said. “Hi. No. I'm trying to find one of your ….staff.” I began to wilt as I heard how lame and vaguely stalker-ish that sounded.

He began to fold his arms and put on his well-practiced condescending gaze when I continued.

“.....Scott Miller? …. he was working last night?”

He regarded me for a moment. “No crew from last night is here. This is fetish night.”

I nodded as if what he said made perfect sense.

“OK. I didn't really expect he'd be here.... I just need to get in touch.... it's ….um... well I didn't realize he worked here. I only knew him from high school and had lost touch” I lied, presenting Tina's truth as my own for simplicity's sake.

“I just wanted to get back in touch...” I said as I distractedly fished into my bag and pulled out a small notepad and pen, quickly jotting 'Call me when you can. Christina Aldone's housemate Chloe.' and scrawled my mobile number.

Can you see that he gets this? I asked while I nervously folded the paper and wrote Scott's name – and his stage name in parentheses – on the outside.

He reluctantly took it. “No guarantees.” he said sternly.

I didn't know if he meant no guarantees Scott would get it, would answer it, or that the guy would even try to pass it along. I just flashed a sad smile.

“It's a hail-mary play, but it's worth a try. This is the closest I've come since we lost touch after school.”

The guy conceded a grin. Maybe using the sports metaphor scored me a point or two.

He shrugged, but actually wished me luck before turning back and closing the heavy steel door behind him.

On the drive back to my B&B I tried to convince myself that I had done the right thing.

Charles was waiting up when I arrived home. His mother had already retired, he clearly was waiting for me. I felt a pang, imagining myself in high school, if things had been different, arriving home after a date, lingering at the front door and finally slipping through to find parents awaiting a debriefing. I quickly brushed that thought from my brain and got back to the matter at hand.

I explained, perhaps in more detail than absolutely necessary, my 'girls night out' with Tina and her friends, to Charles' lurid delight. The bitchier the detail, the more he seemed to relish it, chuckling and shaking his head with a wicked smile. I took the tale as far as this morning, Tina's recap of what I missed 'while I was out' and her confession about Scott.... and how I ended up being drafted as her Plus-One at the wedding.

Charles' face melted into a warm gaze at that point, so I added the addendum explaining my errand this evening and asked him if he thought I did the right thing.

He kneaded his chin for a long while. He was seriously processing this question, and whatever his final opinion, I knew I would be grateful for the thought he put behind it.

“Too soon to tell.” He finally said, to my chagrin. I was hoping for a thumbs up, braced for a thumbs down, but unprepared for such an ambivalent response. “Your brash, meddlesome move could end up being the spark that finally kindles the relation that smouldered for years but never found its igniter.”

I smiled, buoyed by the thought. Then he continued.

“Or you could just have reopened and old wound. Brought up unrequited passions that finally faded to a vague background ache with the passage of time, but are now just as inflamed, and impossible to act on as they ever were.”

I scowled. “But Tina knows and doesn't seem to care. The warmth when she talked about Scott indicated she still has feelings.” Then I preempted my own rationalization. “Then again, the awkwardness when she described the moment they recognized each other.... I'm certain it's not disapproval.... but yeah, it's an awkward thing that they will have to work around..... But I have no doubt they can. ….the way she talked about him.....”

“Well, maybe they will be able to get around his ...choice of career... You did say you gave him your number, NOT Christina's, right? That way you can sound him out and see if it's even worth sounding her out.....”

I nodded, relieved that Charles approved of at least something I did.

“Well, you already tossed the match.... only time will tell if old embers ignite.” He smiled. “It's past my bedtime, so if you'll excuse me milady....”

I smiled and grasped his hand. “Thanks for staying up and giving me an ear to bend. I really hope I did the right thing.”

“The pleasure was mine. I hope so too.” And he rose, heading upstairs singing quietly 'matchmaker matchmaker make me a match....'

I looked around for a pillow to throw, and finding nothing, resigned myself to bed. Tina and I had another long drive in the morning.

~

I woke early to the sweet aroma of bacon and coffee downstairs. This time I didn't deny Charles' tasty temptation. As I explained to him with a smile, so many taboos were shattered this weekend that a slice or two of bacon and a buttery biscuit and gravy were the least I would have to atone for.

I profusely thanked Charles and his mom for their hospitality and everything over and above that made my Greenville experience such a memorable occasion. They both thanked me for being such a delightful guest and urged me to come back soon, which I sorely hoped I could. I replied that if they ever found themselves in my neck of the woods, they'd have to let me return the favor and show them around my town.

Mrs Claypoole reflexively assured me that they would, but I knew she was just being polite and had NO intention of traveling nearly that far. She had everything she needed or wanted just outside her front door and we both knew it. Charles, on the other hand got a ….look.... on his face, and I suspected someday when his wanderlust returned I just may hear from him.

After saying my goodbyes to the Claypooles, I swooped by the Aldone homestead to pick up Tina. I thought it would be a quick duck in, pleasantries and swiftly on the road.

Tina's mom had a big breakfast waiting for me. ...my second breakfast in as many hours... but I knew it was her 'thank you' for rescuing her from the in-laws at the wedding reception and our little 'girls night out'. So there was no way I could politely demur.

So while I sat at the table, wondering if I could maneuver my top and hoodie to cover an undone button on the waist of my jeans if it came to that, I smiled big and politely dug into this Aldone family breakfast.

Tina, Frank, Sal & Maria all kept the table talk light and breezy. Ken's tone was quite a bit more …focused.

“YOU Miss Saville.... are quite the enigma....”

“How so?” I asked, really not wanting the answer.

“It seems like you didn't even exist 5 years ago.” Ken said with a grin.

I forced a laugh and hoped it came out light. “Oh, I assure you.... I existed... my entire life.”

Ken regrouped. “Let me rephrase that. You have no online presence.... no social media or anything more than 5 years old.... and even much of that is....”

“...pretty barren, right?” I grinned. I had to appear breezy if I was going to sell my firewall to Tina's dad.

“Yeah. When I finally got online, I planted my flag on as many hills as I could.... mostly so no one else could claim it and pretend to be me.... I had that happen to some friends and swore I would NOT let that happen to me..... but yeah.... Facebook, Twitter, SnapChat, Instagram.... I claimed my name everyplace I could.... even if I quickly determined that it was a haven for trolls and deliberately neglected it.”

“Yet no AOL, Geocities, My Space, Friendster.... nothing older than 5 years.” Ken seemed skeptical.

I scowled. “I couldn't really start an online presence until I left home.... my parents were...” I seemed to squelch a grimace “...my parents were definitely not the social media types....”

Ken raised an eyebrow. I began to think I was going to be able to sell my cover story.

“They're kind of under-the-radar folks..... others might say paranoid.... but they're my parents and they raised me and I love them unconditionally.... so I'll just say they were... more wary than most... they were not big fans of 'the system'” I said making air-quotes with my fingers.

Ken just sat and waited ….so I would've had to expound even if I hadn't planned to.

“Both their parents were anti-war protesters back in the day, and I think that changed the way they viewed the world.”

As expected, that instantly grabbed the attention of everyone around the table of this ex-military family.

“They saw friends of their folks come back from the front and saw the damage.... and saw the way the system treated them when their service was through and they were now just burdens on the systems.... how they were made to feel guilty and greedy for seeking assistance fixing the damage they endured.... Their parents raised them on stories of friends in the movement who turned out to be government plants, deliberately trying to stir things up and agitate people into committing arrestable offenses.... how at some point they became so jaded they just dropped out and joined a commune where my parents grew up.... and when that fell apart, they just stayed underground on their own.... or as they would say 'off the grid'.”

“I had no idea growing up that we were 'off the grid'. I was home schooled, but I presumed everyone was. My folks would take me to be tested and chat with some curious people who would grill me on my education and ask too many questions about my home life. I had no idea what they were doing, but they did. Eventually, I ended up getting my GED and meeting other kids at the exam. It was only then that I began to realize how odd my upbringing was. I wanted to be average, but that was denied me until I turned 18. Then I left home and started acting like everyone else – which my folks never forgave me for ….including getting onto social media. So yeah, I guess as far as the internet is concerned, I didn't exist until I sprang, seemingly fully formed, everywhere at once a few years ago when I was trying to make up for lost time.” I shrugged.

Ken sat back, processing it. I'm not sure he bought it, but he couldn't come up with an instant rebuttal, so he just steepled his fingers and nodded ever so slightly.

“I'm surprised.... after such a ….unique.... upbringing, you turned out so ….unremarkable...”

Tina and her mom (thank God!) both burst a laugh. This genuinely took Ken by surprise. Her mom stifled her amusement and made dismissive hand gestures, Tina just grinned and said “UN-remarkable? Daddy... have you MET my housemate?”

Ken quickly regrouped. “I mean.... homeschooled.... children who have never been properly socialized.... are usually....”

“WHAT.... about Chloe screams 'usual'?” Tina shot back at her father, with her mom nodding in the background. I had not expected this rally around …..me ….and my firewall.... but I was unspeakably grateful.

To my utter shock, and the rest of the family's pleasant surprise, Ken backed down.

He held up his hands. “Please! This is NOT an attack! I'm just.... it's just so... unusual.” His voice lost volume ..and conviction.. as he faced down everyone else around the table.

I began to entertain the hope that I would get us out of here with my firewall intact. For the moment.

I think Ken realized that his skeptical impulses were alienating his whole family, so he backed down. To my surprise and delight.

“No offense intended.” he offered in his own non-apologetic apology. Hands raised and conciliatory expression on his face. “...it's just so... peculiar and unexpected....” he floundered.

My snort relieved him of his awkwardness. “Tell me about it!” I agreed.

Suddenly we were back on the same side. He let it go, and I was glad to concur and move on to more banal chatter.

Eventually we were back on the road. Headed home.

“Oh my God.... I'm so glad THAT's over!” Tina confessed.

“Tell me about it! I was sure your dad breached my firewall.” I laughed.

Tina turned to me. “Oh, God. I wasn't even thinking about that. I just meant... heading home. Sleeping in my old room. Hanging with my old friends.... and apologies for dragging you along.... but thank you thank you thank you for coming out with us!...”

“....because I distracted attention from you?” I smirked.

I caught Tina's blush in my peripheral vision while I focused on the road.

“Well... that too... though it was never my attention to...”

“I know. Glad I could help. But next time, let's try and avoid the alcohol.... by now you know I'm....” I hestitated.

“...a cheap date?” Tina smirked. “Sorry. I didn't know how low your...”

“I only had a breadstick and cup of coffee ALL day!” I defended. “I am NOT that ….cheap.... a date!”

Tina snorted. “Explain again how you ended up with that back tat?”

My forced grimace couldn't completely mask my amusement. I figured 'ideal time to change the subject'.

“So your mom seemed to enjoy our little escapade.” I volunteered.

Tina nodded with a grin, tacitly agreeing with my change of subject.

“She doesn't get out much on her own.” Tina said quietly.

“Then I'm glad we could kidnap her from the wedding.” I laughed.

“....me too...” Tina said. There was no humor in her voice. In fact I'd have to describe her tone as ….introspective. “....SO glad.....”

I reached over, keeping my eyes on the road and she guided her hand into mine, which I gave a warm squeeze.

“So when is your next class?” I tried to change the subject to something less awkward.

“Not til noon tomorrow, thank God. So I get to sleep in.”

“I'll try not to make too much noise when I'm up at six getting ready to grease the wheels of commerce and head out to the first of my jobs!” I mock pouted.

Tina laughed. “What time does Office Oasis open?”

“9. And the custom print desk doesn't open till 10, which gives me all morning to play bike messenger before taking time out for job TWO and bailing at 3 to go back and do the evening runs.” I grinned.

“Oh God, I'm getting exhausted just thinking about it!” She laughed. “Now I'll have to sleep in extra late.” she smirked.

I rolled my eyes. It would be a long day, but after this rollercoaster of a weekend, I was looking forward to returning to the familiar. Though I would have been fine with a few hours less of it.

“I wonder how Zoe's been enjoying having the house to herself?” I grinned. “I haven't seen her for ages, do you think she even noticed we were gone?”

I caught Tina's nod out of my peripheral vision. “I'm sure she noticed. No half pot of coffee left in the kitchen. No leftovers in the refrigerator to nibble on. I don't think I see much more of her than you do, but I notice signs of her presence.”

“Like a mouse.” I laughed.

“Wow. I doubt anyone has ever compared Zoe to a mouse before!” Tina laughed. I nodded.

“I just hope she didn't notice we were gone and decide to prove to her dad why he insisted on her having housemates.” I grinned.

Tina groaned. “Oh God. Now every awful teen comedy is running through my head. I hope she hasn't thrown a rager and trashed the place. Have you met some of her friends?”

I shook my head. So Tina filled me in. “I've met a few at the coffee shop. Let's just say dirtbag Zack was the only one she felt comfortable moving in with.”

“What does that say about the rest?” I grinned.

“Exactly!” Tina laughed.

I was silent for a few miles thinking about this. Tina must have been mentally off somewhere too, because it was minutes before I broke the silence.

“After the drama of her breakup with her ex..... and the heist.... even if it was her own stuff.... do you think Zoe would let her old crowd even know where she's living now.... let alone invite everyone over to a rager?”

Tina thought a while. “Good point. I think she may be seeing this as a fresh start... kind of a reset... I'll bet her old crowd doesn't know where she's living now...” Tina's voice trailed off, then exploded in a laugh. “....especially after that stunt she pulled with the alarm code!”

The laugh that burst from me caught me by surprise. I had totally forgotten how she changed the code so Zack couldn't get back into his own apartment turned meth lab without summoning the cops. Yeah. There was no way Zoe was going to let her old crowd know where to find her.

We both agreed that Zoe was seeming to mellow just a little, though neither of us was so bold as to presume our influence had anything to do with it. Still neither of us was prepared for what we returned home to.

~

When we first arrived home we thought Zoe was nowhere to be found – as usual. When we turned the corner into the living room, we were both startled at the sight of Zoe, barely clad in just black boyshorts and sportsbra, mangled and sprawled on the floor.

“JESUS!” Tina exclaimed and jumped back with a start, nearly knocking me over as I dragged our bags close behind her.

Both our hearts skipped a beat, then were equally startled by Zoe popping to her feet like some spring-loaded toy and spinning to face us.

“Shit! You scared the hell out of me!” She spat.

“YOU?” I shot back. “Oh my god. When we saw you on the floor you looked like you'd been dismembered!”

Zoe's anger instantly transformed into glee as a mischievous smirk erupted on her face.

“Really?” She grinned? “Dismembered?” …She was enjoying this way too much.

“Well...” Tina cut in, “at least like every bone in your body had been broken and someone pretzeled your corpse!”

Zoe's delight just grew. The harder we scowled, the more tickled she became. There was a long, silent standoff. Finally she waved us off.

“It's nothing...” she dismissed. “I'm just ….really limber.” she said with an intensely wicked grin.

“What the hell were you doing on the living room floor?” Tina demanded, still rather rattled.

Zoe was completely back in control. She shrugged it off.

“Yoga.” she said, pointing to the wall mounted TV displaying a woman in sports bra and yoga pants doing some seriously advanced poses ….in 96 inch 4K splendor.

Zoe shrugged. “I usually just do it in my room.....” then she shot us a glare “....but when I noticed you guys apparently ditched me for the weekend....”

Tina & I both blushed.

“....I figured 'what the hell? I've got the run of the house'.... so I made the most of it.”

“I didn't know you did yoga.” I blurted. Mostly for something to say.

Zoe shrugged. “There's a LOT you don't know about me.” She stared at me with an evil smirk. “So now you know one thing. Congratulations.” And with a nasty wink she rolled up her yoga mat and trudged back upstairs, to the privacy of her room.

All I could think of was Tina's dad's mistaken interrogation of me... and how he presumed I was Zoe. I wondered what he knew that we didn't.

Tina and I would soon find out.

As much as I adored meeting the Claypooles and staying at their charming B&B, as well as the refuge of Tina's room after my vaguely remembered but utterly mortifying 'girls night out' with her friends, it was heaven to return to the comfort of my own bed.

The bliss was short-lived as I quickly returned to the crushing routine of Tom's workday. I struggled through the first day back and slowly settled into my groove ….or was it a rut?....

Things were slowly returning to normal and I was getting back into my comfort zone with my crazy double life... working as Tom at my two jobs and quickly returning to Chloe in the rest of my life.

I had a rare one-gig day. It was a quiet Monday half-holiday. It wasn't an official national holiday or “bank holiday” as other countries called it, but many businesses were still closed for the state-observed holiday. The courier office was running a skeleton crew – of which I was not a part. So I frittered away the middle of my day at the dead zone that was Office Oasis' custom print desk. Our regular business clientele were off having a long weekend, but that didn't occur to our national management, so I got paid to staff an absolutely dead department. I passed the time by pulling out my Surface and working on some roughs for Plague Diaries. Tina had written Charles and his mom in as characters, and I chuckled at her little easter-egg as I struggled to do justice to them both. I also took the liberty of making one of the more vile characters in her latest tale into the best caricature I could muster of Bernard, the snooty gallery guy. Normally I wouldn't dare do personal stuff at work, but Gavin our manager gave himself the day off and as the 'tenured' member of the staff (I wasn't sure if my seniority was a badge of honor or proof that I could do no better) I was de-facto in charge. At least that's the bluff I came to work with and everyone seemed to buy it. I was a bit surprised that it worked and wondered if Kevin, Jess and Dave would have accepted it without question if Chloe had pulled this brazen move. Anyway, they bought it and I didn't abuse it. I just handled what few issues came up and were brought to me as if I was a manager. It was not rocket science.... it was a dead day at an office supply store when most businesses were closed. Still I was happy for the hours, and I'm sure the others were too.

So, when I finished my 'personal project' and got the latest panels of P.D. roughed out, I was eager to show Tina, who was working at the coffee shop and sharing a rare shift with Zoe. I will admit, curiosity about seeing my two housemates working together, having to be all businesslike, kind of tickled my curiosity. …especially since I would be a customer... and the customer is always right.... I didn't plan to abuse my privilege, but still the …possibilities.... made me giggle to myself.

I did allow myself time to head home, ditch Tom mode, and quickly head back into town to harass my housemates at their workplace.

Unlike Office Oasis, Cool Beans was really busy by the time I got there. I just stood in back of the crowd watching Tina & Zoe fly like some choreographed team as they dispatched the crowd with stunning efficiency. Eventually, the crowd dwindled and I was the only one left in line.

Tina smirked as she turned to the counter and saw me. “Yes miss? How can I help you?”

I raised a curled finger to my lip, studying the alarmingly crowded menu board. How on earth did Zoe & Tina manage to make all these variations?

“I think I'd like a half-caf Kona macchiato with almond/soy milk blend with half stevia half corn syrup and a shot of bubble-tea.”

Tina grinned as Zoe came up from behind her and thrust a small to-go cup at me.

“Fuck you. Folgers to go. Bitch.” she grinned.

I returned Zoe's evil smirk and gladly accepted the cup. I proffered my debit card as I saw Tina and Zoe's faces cloud.

“Is there a problem here?” This nondescript middle aged guy in polo shirt and dockers came up beside me and challenged Tina & Zoe.

“Relax Dave. She was just busting us.” Zoe scoffed.

The guy regarded me for a moment and saw the smile I shared with Tina and Zoe.

“Dave. This is Chloe. Our other housemate.” Tina smiled.

I smiled to the guy and accepted his handshake,

“And you are?” I raised an eyebrow.

He raised a finger and was about to speak when Tina & Zoe blurted in unison “Our boss.”

I smiled and nodded. “So you're the manager?”

He shook his head with a grin. “No such luck. I own the place.”

Tina smiled politely while Zoe rolled her eyes. Dave seemed unfazed.

“Well, congratulations.” I smiled, surveying the packed place and also scouting out a place to sit. “Business seems to be hopping.”

Dave shot me a grin. “Don't be fooled. This place makes beans.”

Zoe actually groaned and walked away while Tina held up a finger and excused herself to serve a customer who was clearly still making up her mind. They obviously were familiar with Dave's 'dad-jokes' and had a low threshold by now.

Dave caught me scanning for a seat.

“You can sit with us....” he offered, motioning to a table where a tall woman wearing scrubs under her jacket was sitting placidly, regarding us. Upon our gaze she smiled and gave a small wave.

“I wouldn't want to interrupt....” I began, but Dave cut me off.

“Nonsense. There are no free tables, so you'd have to sit with someone. Now, do you want to take your chances with strangers you don't even know, or sit with someone you go back 30, 40 seconds with?” He gave me a goofy smile and in that moment reminded me of nothing more than every dad in every sitcom.

We walked to his table and he introduced his 'better half' Andi, who smiled and offered a friendly handshake. We sat and Dave and I made smalltalk while Andi merely watched. She seemed involved in the chit chat from her facial expressions and eye contact, but she didn't participate at all. After a few minutes, Dave excused himself to do the quick paperwork that was the original purpose of this visit, promising me that soon I would have squatter's rights to our entire table. Andi smiled politely as he gave her a peck on the cheek and promised to be back asap.

He was only gone for ten minutes or so, but it felt like ten days. Andi seemed nice, but it was excruciating making smalltalk with her.

“So, Dave referred to you as his better half....” I flailed for conversation. Andi rolled her eyes and gave me the same weary smile Tina and Zoe did around Dave. It was a mixture of indulgence and exhaustion. Dave was Dave and all three women were resigned to this. “So.... are you....”

At this, Andi held up her left hand and flashed a modest stone and simple gold wedding band. I smiled and nodded. “How long?” I inquired merely to keep the conversation moving. She thought a moment and held up two fingers, which she quickly changed to three.

“Going on three months?” I deadpanned. Upon her scowl I could no longer hide my grin. “Yeah. I knew years.” She smiled back. I scrambled to keep the one-sided conversation going. “Any kids?” I asked innocently.

Her face clouded with pain and I instantly knew I stepped on a mine. “Ah. You're practically still newlyweds... there's plenty of time... especially since I imagine you have enough on your hands with....” I motioned to her scrubs. Andi seemed relieved to be off the subject and nodded with a weary smile.

“Where do you work? Saint Barnabys? ...or...”

Andi quickly peeled back her jacket more, revealing her name badge.

“Oh. Wow. UMC.” I said, making no attempt to hide my awe. University Medical Center was the teaching and research facility and had a reputation as by far the place you wanted to go when you had to go to a hospital.

I was floundering for further conversation when Dave rescued us by returning to the table. “Almost ready to go hon?” he beamed to Andi who gave him a look like a non-swimmer just tossed a life-ring.

“Thanks for the table.” I smiled, as relieved for the reprieve as Andi clearly was. “It was great to meet you.” I smiled politely as I shook both their hands.

“Great to finally meet you Chloe. I feel like I already know you the way the girls go on about you....”

Andi caught my blanche and tugged Dave towards the door. “We'll have to do this again. Soon!” he shouted across the place as Andi spirited him out the door.

When I turned to retake my seat, I came face to face with a grinning Tina and smirking Zoe.

“So, now you've met our boss.” Tina beamed with glee.

“And his.... better half.” Zoe snarked.

“He uhh... seems like a nice boss.” I struggled for something polite to say.

“He really is.” Tina smiled warmly.

“And Andi?” Zoe needled. I hesitated, grasping for a diplomatic response.

“She doesn't talk much....” Tina volunteered.

“Or AT ALL!” Zoe laughed.

I relaxed. “OK. I thought it was me.”

“Not you.” Zoe gave me a sly grin.

“You know.” I confronted Zoe. She just held that snarky grin. “....but you're not going to tell me.” I scowled.

“Where's the fun in that?” Zoe grinned.

I turned to Tina, who just shrugged. She seemed as clueless as I was.

“I've only met Andi a few times. She seems nice..... …..Quiet....”

Zoe snorted. Tina shot her a glare and continued “....maybe kinda shy....”

“SO not shy.” Zoe muttered.

“I don't know any more than you do.” Tina shrugged to me. “Zo's been here a lot longer than me.”

“....long enough....” Zoe muttered, that disturbing grin still on her face.

“Good luck, clue crew” Zoe laughed as she waved us off and went to attend the customer walking toward the counter. Tina quickly made her goodbyes and scurried to get back to work. I nursed my coffee and thought about Andi the silent spouse. And Zoe.... the gleeful keeper of secrets.

So life quickly snapped back to its routines after our weekend adventure and easing back to ritual on the Monday local holiday. Tina returned to classes, Zoe returned to hermiting in her room and I got back to my two jobs and dual life...... Until Tina accosted me on my way out to work in the middle of the week.

“So.... in the car on the drive to my folks, you mentioned your friends and said I really had to meet them....”

I stopped dead in my tracks, recalling the moment of unguarded honesty. I just stared at her like a deer in headlights.

“So when are we going to do this?” she asked innocently. I wanted to read menace into her simple question, but her total lack of guile denied me that paranoid privilege.

“Thurs... um, tomorrow night?” I blurted. It was my usual get together night, and I just made Tina my plus one. It seemed like karma after her cousin's wedding.

“Can't wait!” she beamed and breezed out of the kitchen.

Damn. I had just reflexively invited Tina to meet my friends. I didn't really have many doubts they would all hit it off, but suddenly I was about to put that hunch to the test.

All day at work I obsessed about my stupid reflexive invitation..... I reminded myself that Tina had let me meet her circle of friends.... and that seemed to go rather well... they seemed to accept me.... even if they did get me blind drunk and encourage me to make a slutty spectacle of myself....

I tried to reassure myself that my friends would adore Tina. I had already gushed about her to them, so they would be quite open and accepting if ….when.... I dragged her along with me.

“Have you ever been to Sous-Vide?” I asked as she slid into my Kia.

Tina shook her head. “Never even heard of it.”

“It's kind of a ….niche.... establishment.” Then I thought about my obtuse statement and sighed “....it's basically a gay club.... mostly guys Tuesdays Fridays and Saturdays and lesbians mostly on Wednesdays Thursdays and Sundays... nothing official... that's just the ebb and flow we've observed.”

“We?” Tina raised an eyebrow.

I think I blushed a little. “My group. My gang.... My ….coven” I flashed her a wicked grin. “My friends from the club I mentioned who wanted to ….branch out.”

“And just WHO are these 'girlies' of yours?” Tina asked with a smile that betrayed her impatience.

“You'll meet them soon enough.” I grinned. “Let's save the introductions for then.”

Tina was impatient and bursting with curiosity, but I let her stew in her own anticipation, blithely driving us to the club. And the meeting.

When we got to Sous Vide all my apprehensions were instantly dispelled. I texted Heather that I was bringing the infamous Tina – who was legendary to my group of friends ...as they were to her. So by the time we arrived, they were all dying to meet the fabled roomie.

As we walked up to the table, I immediately took over the diplomatic duties.

“Tina. This is my band of.... my strand of....” Oh crap. “These are my closest friends.”

I got a group 'awwww' and quickly set about the introductions.

“Lindsay Parker.... internet gazillionaire” I beamed.

With a disarmingly awkward smile, Linds extended her hand. “Not gazillionaire, but I was in the right place at the right time and knew when to cash out. Now I'm just a woman of leisure.”

Tina raised her eyebrow. “If you were driven enough to create an acquisition-worthy startup, I can't see you resting on your laurels.”

Linds shot me a radiant smile. She instantly approved of Tina.

“You're right.” she grinned. “When I sold the business, I was Parker Lindsay. Suddenly I had the money to become.... who I should've been all along.... and now that I'm Lindsay Parker ….'Internet Gazillionaire'....” She made air quotes and shot me a wicked smirk “....I'm taking my time enjoying my life and deciding my next move.” she smiled to Tina... who nodded appreciatively.

“And this is Violet.” I beamed and she beamed back. “My very first friend at the club.”

“Well, you were just there by yourself and seemed so ...alone” she blurted.

My face flushed as I recalled the day and Violet's enthusiastic introduction and loving acceptance of the ….'newbie'.

“Violet is the sweetest person you'll ever meet!” I gushed as Violet blushed bright crimson.

Tina offered her hand hesitantly. My heart sank a bit at her less than enthusiastic response. Violet was.... well... Let's just say nature didn't gift her with the most … feminine ... of presentations. At her best, she looked like one of those old Soviet farmfraus... very stocky... with a Madeline Albright face and a Bea Arthur frame. Still, she was one of the most feminine spirits I've ever known... Her empathy and selflessness are unmatched in my experience.

While keeping Violet a complete secret from her ultra-conservative family, 'Carl' did everything possible to keep the extended family harmonious... which some would argue was a futile ambition.

When brother Ron was killed in Afghanistan, Carl took in his widow and their three kids and became a surrogate dad. No one knew the toll it took except for Violet's 'girlies'. We ached for the sacrifices Carl made to cobble together a family for one torn asunder.

Julie, his sister in law, and his nieces and nephew ...also god children.... were a bit bewildered by Carl's munificence. Yet it was obvious they were also thankful for the safe haven while they struggled to get their lives back together.

So, Violet took a back burner ….except for our Girls Nights Out.... and Carl toiled away at his HVAC business and saw to the well being of his ….her... sudden extended family.

I flinched at Tina's reaction to the jarringly unfeminine Violet. I only hoped she would quickly notice the feminine soul residing in this incongruous frame and accept and embrace her as wholeheartedly as the rest of us did.

I cringed when Tina extended a wary hand and a polite, diplomatic smile. “So, you're a crossdresser?” she asked, to the smirks and eyerolls of my friends.

Violet immediately replied with a solemn nod “All my life.”

My friends glanced at Tina then back to Violet, expectantly, suppressing their smiles.

After the requisite beat, Violet flashed Tina the warmest smile. “I've been dressing up like a boy for as long as I remember.”

Like a crowd at a tennis match, all eyes swiveled to Tina.

I think it took her less time than they were expecting before she broke into a warm grin and her eyes sparkled as she nodded. She got it. She suddenly saw Violet the way the rest of us did.

Violet turned to us with a melodramatic sigh. “Why do people always ask that?” She theatrically, threw the back of her hand to her forehead – to the collective chuckles of the table.

“No. The real question is why do you always give that answer?” Jeannie asked with mock exasperation.

“Because it's a great line.” Heather laughed.

Violet smiled and nodded.

“...and it's true...” Lindsay muttered quietly.

Our little group – Tina too - grew solemn... with nods and warm smiles toward Violet.

Tina was much more relaxed when I introduced her to Heather. I had a moment's hesitation during my introduction, because I realized that in her guy mode, Heather was a professor at Tina's school. Much to my relief, they didn't seem to know each other.

Unlike Violet, Heather was extremely feminine in appearance. In fact it had been noticed many times by many people that she bore an uncanny resemblance to the actress Patricia Heaton. While transitioning to full-time Heather mode would be dead-simple, she resisted it, saying the deck was already stacked against her as a middle-aged, unmarried, already underpaid academic, adding gender-bias to the mix would only make her daily existence more of a struggle, so she kept up the male facade at school and in all aspects of her life except for the time she spent with us.

She talked with Tina about school and seemed to recognize some of the professors Tina dished about, but gave nothing away.... simply nodding with a knowing grin. The gleam in her eye when she glanced at me reassured me that Heather wholly approved of my previous buildup of Tina when she was merely folklore through my stories to my friends. Even if Tina didn't realize it, I knew she now had a guardian angel at her school, where Heather would quietly work behind the scenes to 'protect the unicorn'.

Just returning from the dance floor with a girl I didn't know was Jeannie – my oldest friend in the group. Even though I introduced her to the group. She was a classmate of mine at school and seemed unaware of the crossdresser club where the rest of us met. She was already fully transitioned and attending class as Jeannie. For reasons that I never questioned, she once cornered me – in Tom mode – and quietly whispered “don't take this the wrong way, but we are studying sketching the human form..... and I must say.... I... I've been kind of glancing ….okay... studying... you... and I think you would make an absolutely stunning woman.”

My reaction was NOT what she was probably expecting.

“Tell me about it!” I laughed. And then, gauging her reaction, I whispered “Actually, I DO.”

Now, her reaction was not what I expected. She lit up. “Really? Oh my God. I'd LOVE to see! Um, I mean..... do you ever.... is there any chance I could meet....”

“Chloe.” I smiled. She nodded. The name fit. I somehow got great satisfaction at her approval of the name without ever meeting the girl.

“Hey, I work at Yvonne's over on Court after school and on weekends.... Any chance Chloe could....?”

I smiled and nodded. “I'm due for a trim.” I said as I tugged at the ponytail tucked into my button down. Jeannie smiled. She noticed instantly that I already knew of Yvonne's salon. “Any openings Saturday?” I smiled.

She frowned. “Probably not. That's the crazy day. I'm working tonight and Friday after classes.... three to eight.” she scowled.

“Any openings tonight?” I asked with a smile. She startled.

“”Seriously? Tonight? That's not much time to,,,,”

“I don't need much time.” I cut her off with a smile. “7-ish?”

She hesitated. “Um. Probably fine. I won't know until....”

“I could text you to confirm.” I offered and held out my phone. She took it and dialed her own phone.

“OK. Oh God.... so tonight.... ….Chloe....” she stammered, suddenly this whole conversation hit her.

When I got to Yvonne's I was confronted by a locked door and a decal that listed their hours as ending at 6PM. In my confusion I texted Jeannie a pic of the decal captioned “WTF?”

She instantly texted back “Sorry. Forgot to mention. Around back.” with a smile emoji.

I found my way around to the parking lot behind the retail block and counted the doors until I thought I'd located the back door of Yvonne's. Which was unmarked – and also locked. I scowled until I noticed the button subtly marked “after hours” in sharpie marker. I pressed it, my patience quickly evaporating.

A middle aged woman glared at me through the still closed door.

“Yes?” she asked impatiently.

“I ...uh.... came for a trim?” I was getting increasingly sure I'd gotten things terribly mixed up.

“Hours are 9 to 6 weekdays and posted on the front door. This is the delivery entrance.” she stated with barely contained contempt.

I furrowed my brow. “But Jeannie Pirro said 7PM. And she just texted me when I mistakenly went to the front door!” I nearly whined, my confusion snowballing. I held up my phone to the door. The woman coldly stared at it. Then her gaze rose to me. She scanned me like a laser.... a scowl still on her face. Finally I think curiosity trumped suspicion and she unlocked and opened the door.

“Jeannie told you seven?” the woman asked skeptically, walking me to the front reception area and opening an appointment book.

I nodded mutely. She was facing away and probably didn't even catch it. It didn't seem to matter anyway.

“....I could come back if there's been some mistake.... I don't want to keep....”

“Your name miss?” She cut me off, staring at the book.

“Saville. Uh.... Chloe Saville.” I blurted feeling like the worst James Bond ever.

She peered at the book. Then at me. With a raised eyebrow she said “this way please.”

We walked back into the salon. There were a few stations busy with customers, so they weren't actually closed. I breathed a sigh of relief. Then I noticed that all the customers were guys.

“Jeannie?” The woman called out. Jeannie appeared from nowhere and shot the woman a curious look. She glanced at me, furrowed her brow and looked back to the woman.

“I believe your seven o'clock is here?” The woman said with a mixture of haughtiness and curiosity.

Jeannie scowled and stared at me. I flashed a meek smile and a finger wave. “If this is a bad time I can....”

“Holy SHIT!” Jeannie exclaimed, turning every head in the place. She instantly blushed. “Holy shit!” she now whispered quietly to the woman and me.

“Thanks Yvonne. Yeah.... this is …. my..... this is Chloe.... yeah.....” she fumbled. “Thanks.”

The woman raised a skeptical eyebrow that said 'this is SO not over' but only said quietly “Very well.” and turned to go, giving me one last glance that seemed like a scan from a spy satellite.... somehow I knew the raw data would be processed and chewed until it resolved into some sense.

Jeannie took my hand and stared me up and down. “Holy shit.” she muttered.

“Deja vu.” I muttered back. “I think that's, like, the third time you said that. Got anything else?” I grinned.

She swallowed hard and stared at me. “And I just said I think you might make....”

“....way ahead of you....” I grinned. “So now you know. This will be our little secret?” I asked sternly.

Jeannie instantly nodded. “Oh god. Of course.... I would never.... especially since you could....”

“Spill that you work at a salon that caters to crossdressers after hours? Puh-leeze!” I said dismissively.

Jeannie looked at me sheepishly. “Spill that I'm not only the president, I'm also a client?” she grinned, echoing that old Sy Sperling Hairclub ad all over late night TV that all us misfits saw as kids.

I gave her a lost look. She grinned and squeezed my hand.

“I didn't transition until I left home and went to school. The school was cool with it, but my folks.... not so much.... suddenly my college fund was withdrawn and I had to scramble to stay in school.... my counselor and I had a heated discussion when I thought I would have to drop out.... she suggested I contact Yvonne and said she would put in a good word. Yada yada yada.... here I am.... still in school ….and telling YOU that as a student of the female form.....” she grinned.

I grinned back. “You're my new hero. I still haven't figured how to show the world....”

“Jesus, girl. You're amazing! What the hell's stopping you?”

I wilted. “So many complications. School. ID. My roomates.... My parents!” I sagged. “....I'm just not ….there... yet. I've made my peace with my true self.... but convincing all those I've lied to – or at least upheld their self-deceptions my entire life.....” I said with the deep ambivalence that I never actually lied to anyone.... simply danced around the truth, awkwardly phrasing things so that they could believe their misguided notions while I technically never lied to them.... I just euphemistically supported their misguided notions.

Jeannie shook her head. “Girl, you're crazy. It's so CLEAR......” she bit her tongue, obviously worried that she'd gone too far.

“God, I wish I had an atom of your confidence.” I sighed.

“I can't for the life of me understand why you don't.” she muttered. “Maybe an awesome hairstyle will help!” she grinned, leading me to a chair.

“Just make sure it's something I can comb back and tuck down my shirt for school tomorrow,” I whined.

“Buzzkill.” she muttered. Then sighed. “....Fine...” with a mock pout.

Jeannie was as good as her word and we became fast friends at school. I finally told her about the crossdressers club I belonged to but she already knew of it from her – after hours clients. She had no interest. After our little sub-group split off to the Sous Vide regulars, I was able to talk Jeannie into visiting us and everyone instantly hit it off. So she's my oldest friend yet one of the newest members of our little coven.

Now, her friend I don't know.” I addressed Tina but smiled at Jeannie and the new girl.

She smirked and offered her hand “JoAnn.... Tavares....”

I leaned in to shake and she nearly twisted my arm off. Noticing my wince, she eased up with a sheepish grin.

“Sorry.” she smiled.

“I should have warned you. JoAnn plays a little rough.” Jeannie smirked.

“A little rough?” Violet laughed. “She nearly snapped my wrist off when we first met!”

“I.... arm wrestle....” JoAnn smiled.

“Guys.... in bars.... ” Heather laughed. “For MONEY.”

JoAnn just shrugged. But there was a hint of a gloat there. “Girl's gotta eat.” she smiled.

“You are such a hustler....” Heather grinned.

JoAnn shrugged it off. “I'm just a mythbuster. I help guys get over their macho delusions.” she smiled.

“So she hustles strangers in bars... arm wrestling, darts, pool” Heather laughed counting off on her fingers.

“Hey. I'm not a mercenary. I'm just naturally athletic.... and good at what I do. I can't help it if guys egos insist on putting money on the line.” Her smile was evil. “Anyway, it's not all about the money.” she weakly protested. “I skate and god knows there's no money in that. That I do for the love of it.”

Jeannie laughed. “Yeah, the love of the speed and the clobbering.” she cocked a thumb at JoAnn. “We're not talking Michelle Kwan here.... grace on the ice..... JoAnn does derby.”

Tina grinned, but I just stared blankly.

“Roller Derby? Mayhem on wheels?” Jeannie grinned.

I nodded. I'd seem some vids on social media.

“No. May Hem retired.” JoAnn corrected.

“No!” Jeannie laughed “I meant mayhem... chaos... like a barfight on a racetrack.”

JoAnn nodded with a grin. “I like that description. I'm stealing it.”

“But JoAnn doesn't play competitively.... she's management.” Jeannie leered.

JoAnn shrugged it off. “Yeah, actually playing on a team would cause a shit-storm.... so I coach and practice with the teams.”

“More than one?” I was confused.

“Yeah. There's Hells Belles.... my girls.... Perp Squad, Rolling Plunder, Whiplasses, Debu-taunts and Brawl-busters.” JoAnn grinned. “....badass bitches all....”

Tina shot me a smirk. I knew she instantly took to JoAnn..... much like she instantly took to Zoe. I wasn't so sure, but I trusted Tina's judgment, so I gave Tina – and JoAnn – the benefit of the doubt.

Everyone seemed to hit it off. JoAnn really wanted to get back to the dance floor, but Jeannie wanted to hear all about my Greenville weekend. Tina was determined to get her version of the story told too, so she took a raincheck when JoAnn tried to drag her to the dancefloor. So finally she badgered Violet into going with her, and while they danced, Tina and I danced around our weekend adventure.

Tina was amazingly discreet when discussing our 'girls night out' with her friends. She only mentioned the kidnapping and makeover, pulling out her phone and showing them a picture of me on the dancefloor, in the hooker-from-the-future dress, doing the batusi.... to my surprise and mortification.

“Oh my GOD!” Jeannie squealed at me. “Who ARE you? Why have we never met?” she teased.

I held up my hands “That is so NOT me.....” I cocked a thumb at Tina “This one and her friends decided to make me their Barbie.”

Tina held up a finger “our slutty Barbie” she grinned wickedly. Then she got serious and turned to my friends “My dad handed me his credit card and told me to treat myself. He didn't say how....” she smirked. “So my friends and I decided to go clubbing, and since we kind of kidnapped this one...” she shot me a smile “daddy helped me get her ….presentable.”

“Can I be your friend?” Jeannie teased.

“Sure.” Tina smiled. “But we're not the same size, so you won't be breaking in items destined for my closet.”

“Who's the hunk?” Heather turned from the phone screen with a raised eyebrow.

“Haha... some banker bro....” Tina started to say.

“He's, um, an asset manager actually.”

“Maybe I could get him to keep an eye on MY assets” Linds leered.

I slapped her playfully on the forearm and was met with a wide grin.

“They were just some finance guys who seemed to frequent the place.” I tried to dismiss.

“Scanning the market for hot prospects.” Tina laughed.

“So, you and this finance guy....” Jeannie leaned in expectantly.

“God guys. It was just dancing! ….OK, and we talked a little....”

“Did you get his number?” Heather smiled.

“Look. It was just bumping into some suits in a club. A little dancing.... and it's 2 states away!” I protested. Still my beet red complexion outed me to my friends.

“She SO did!” Jeannie beamed at Linds. Who smiled and nodded with the same Cheshire cat grin as Heather.

I needed to change the subject.... and fast.

“We weren't there for very long.... it was just our first stop....” I stopped cold when I realized where my story was headed. Tina rescued me.

“Then my slutty friends dragged us out to an all-male review.”

All jaws dropped as I could sense my friends' eyes all lock on me. As I felt my face begin to burn, Tina again rescued me.

“They knew a guy I crushed on in high school worked there ….as a dancer.... and they wanted me to see what I had missed.” she grinned laconically.

Suddenly all attention was off me. Tina just took a bullet for me and I could not express my relief.

Of course the chamber wasn't entirely empty.

Linds laughed. When the others turned to her quizically, she just said “I'm trying to imagine our little girl scout at a Chippendales!”

I felt the crimson return.

“Oh, she was fine” Tina waved a hand. “We got a few drinks in her and she relaxed.”

“YOU drank?” Heather laughed.

“I drink.” I protested.

“Yeah... maybe a Franzia with a full glass of water chaser.... or that soda dressed up to look like a real drink.” she smiled.

“It's not fooling anybody.” Linds smiled. “Rumour's going around that you're secretly Mormon or something.” Her grin was wicked. She turned to Tina. “So what was she drinking?”

Tina looked my friends in the eyes and flatly replied “Fireballs.”

Lindsay slapped her palm on the table, Jeannie let out a reflexive whoop and Heather just slapped both hands to her mouth to hide her exuberant reaction.

“My friend ordered them for the table and kept them coming.” Tina said in a matter of fact way. “It's what she does.”

“Ohmigod. I would pay to see this one even slightly lit!” Linds laughed, her smiling eyes riveted on me.

“How many did you have?” Jeanie grinned.

I shrugged.

“You don't know or you don't remember?” Heather smirked.

I shrugged again, my face burning from my obvious permablush.

“Six or seven. I think seven.” Tina smiled. “So don't ask her how the show was. She doesn't remember. But the rest of us do. And aside from my friends humiliating me – and the dancer who recognized me and knew I recognized him..... everyone else seemed to have a good time.”

“I'll bet.” Linds snerked. Jeannie gave her a light elbow jab and her smirk faded to a polite smile.

“So how was the rest of your weekend?” Heather threw me a lifeline to change the subject a bit.

“Good.” I reflexively replied, trying to figure out what to tell and how much from Tina's cousin's wedding.

“Chloe met some of my family, then we kidnapped my Mom and made a day of it.” Tina smiled.

“Her mom's the best.” I said absent mindedly. “Actually her whole family's cool.”

“Especially her DAD.” Jeannie said in a no-duh inflection.

I shot her a puzzled look. She just stared at me as if whatever was going through her mind was obvious to the world. She turned to Tina.

“He gave you his Black Amex and told you to indulge yourself?”

Tina laughed. “First. It wasn't a Black Amex. Second, he didn't say indulge... he said treat.... he knows that I know what that means. My dad's not loaded.”

“Not loaded. Just a modest house in a quiet neighborhood. Just a working stiff like everyone else.” I said to back up Tina. “Good guy.” I nodded. Tina shot me a grin.

“You didn't think so when you first met him!” she laughed.

“Well, he thought I was ZOE for crying out loud.” I defended. Then I turned to my friends “He apparently didn't know Tina had TWO housemates and thought I was our other roomie.”

“He does corporate security consulting and stuff.” Tina explained. “Apparently he did a background check on Zoe and didn't like what he found.” Tina shrugged.

“So he spanish inquisitioned me until he realized I was not the droid he was looking for.”

“You need to get out more.” Linds laughed.

“Have you Googled Zoe?” Jeannie asked. Tina and I both nodded.

“Nothing to see. High school yearbook picture. Some stuff from when she went to Arts.”

“She went to arts?” Jeannie blurted. I nodded.

“A few years before us. I think she dropped out. There's really not a lot about her online.” I shrugged.

Lindsay tilted her chin down and looked me straight in the eyes. “Sometimes what you can't find says more than what you can find.”

I shrugged. “Meaning?”

“Maybe this housemate of yours has another life. A secret life. Lurking in the shadowy corners of the darknet....” She gave me an ominous look.

“Bwah ha ha!” Heather exclaimed rubbing her hands together like a supervillian.

Linds couldn't keep up the ominous pretense. It collapsed with a snort and a honked laugh.

Still, Tina and I exchanged glances. Zoe WAS a giant box of mystery.

“Well.... she's hardly ever home.... and when she is, she hermits in her room....” I muttered.

“Yeah. She is SUPER private.” Tina added. “I see more of her at work than I ever do at home....” she sounded like she was thinking out loud. “And there was all those cases of stuff we had to get back from her exe's” she stared at me.

“So she's making bioweapons? Suitcase nukes?” Heather laughed.

Tina and I both shook our heads.

“Girl doesn't vibe terrorist. Or even bunny-boiling stalker.” I dismissed.

Tina nodded her agreement to my friends, then she turned to me as she addressed them “....still..... she does seem to have an awful lot of secrets.”

Linds reached out and took my wrists with a grin. “Now that we've met the unicorn....” she smiled to Tina “...we definitely HAVE to meet the Gorgon.”

Tina bonded hard and fast with my friends at Sous Vide and they all exchanged phone numbers and social media handles. I will admit I felt a little jealous that she fell in with my friends so quickly, but I was the one who built her up to them, and them to her. They just proved to each other that all my gushing wasn't hyperbole. I felt a little jealous knowing that Tina and my girlies could now connect directly without me as an intermediary. My head knew I was being foolishly insecure, but my heart still twinged at the thought that they could all hook up and do things without me being involved at all.

My head finally won the argument, knowing that when my friends did want to do things, I was often hobbled by at least one of my jobs. If Tina went to a movie or the beach or whatever with my group, at least I would get a detailed rundown of what I missed while I was working. Thinking of it that way made me feel a little less jealous. She would be my eyes & ears when I couldn't be there.

Of course Tina's schedule was at least as hectic as mine. She was still going to classes, so her two part time jobs ate more into what little time she had than mine ever did.

I made the mistake of dropping in on her at Nostalgia Nook. Twice.

The first time was in Chloe mode. I was met with contempt from the hipster chicks who instantly dismissed me like a Mary Kay rep at a Goth Fair. The hipster dudes were far worse, all sidling up to 'the mundane chick' and offering all sorts of unsought advice on how I had the potential to 'become cool' with serious effort and the intense attention of a 'personal mentor'. I tried to talk to Tina, but was constantly interrupted and 'corrected' by the hipster a-holes. Though I could see it on her face, Tina couldn't say anything.... these were her customers.... even if they mostly loitered and got into arcane arguments with each other over some minutia or other. I was immediately reminded of the time I went in Chloe mode into a comic book store I'd frequented often – and invisibly – as Tom. It was not a pleasant experience and I vowed never to make that mistake again.

Yet I did.

I don't know why I thought a 'niche boutique' like Nostalgia Nook would be any different than a comic book store.

So the next time I visited Tina, I made the extra effort to do so as Tom.

That didn't go any better. Just a different kind of bad, as all these territorial hipsters kept passively aggressively challenging my 'hipster cred' in a misguided effort to protect their turf. At least I had no problem with the hipster women. They just instantly dismissed me. Something I was quite used to as Tom. But at least there were no evil stares as Tom was deemed utterly inconsequential.

After those two miserable attempts, I stuck to visiting Tina at the coffee shop.

In my frequent visits to Cool Beans, I had a few more encounters with Dave & Andi.

I don't know if he was just being polite, but Dave mentioned how impressed he was with Plague Diaries, once Zoe outed Tina as a “secretive cult artist”. He asked what I was working on, so I dutifully pulled my surface from its bag and showed them. Dave's interest seemed polite, but Andi seemed really intrigued.

“She's a real fan.” Dave told me in a stage whisper. Andi just blushed and tried to kill him with her glare. Dave was oblivious. “When I mentioned it after I found out, she went online and stayed up way too late.” he grinned.

Andi just shrugged and smiled awkwardly.

“Yeah. Tina weaves an intricate tapestry.” I smiled. Andi just stared at me disapprovingly.

“That she does.” Dave agreed. “Still, your images give it.....” he turned to Andi, seemingly at a loss for words. She just narrowed her eyes and gave him a 'you know this' look. He seemed to remember. “Oh, yeah.... a whole added dimension.” He turned to Andi for confirmation and she nodded ever so subtly. I got the feeling she had a lot to say, and it was Dave's job to figure it out and say it. Something told me they were both old hands at this.

Dave again excused himself to retreat to his office and 'grab some homework', leaving me alone again with Andi. I had quickly learned not to try engaging her in conversation and usually just pulled out my tablet and surfed or scribbled. But this time I had a notion I had to test.

“So what do you do at UMC?” I signed.

Andi startled. She cocked her head and I thought 'perhaps I played this wrong'. Then she signed back. “Emergency Room.”

My eyes went wide and she couldn't help but read the awe on my face “That must be intense.”

She nodded. “Why are you signing? I'm NOT deaf.” She signed.

I shrugged. “But you sign.”

“So do YOU.”

She had me there. I just shrugged & grinned.

“Why?” she signed.

I shrugged again. “It was an elective at school.” I said while signing at the same time. “I thought maybe if the whole starving artist thing didn't work out, I could find work as one of those people in the little circle on TV, signing during political speeches and public events.” I grinned.

Andi smiled. “Good to have a backup plan.” she signed. “But after seeing your work, I don't think you'll need it.”

I gave a polite head bow and smile. “So if you're not deaf......” I left it hanging there until she nodded in acknowledgment. “Why do YOU sign?”

She paused a moment, formulating her response. “Same as you mostly. It's a second language. And it can be useful at the hospital.” she signed.

I nodded. “I can imagine. A good skill to have.” I smiled.

She returned my smile and nodded. I was trying to find a polite way to inquire why she could hear but never spoke, when Dave lumbered up to the table.

“Sorry to hold you up, but we'll get you to work on time.” He grabbed Andi's elbow and nearly swept her from her seat. She smiled apologetically and waved as Dave was already out the door.

As I turned my gaze from Andi & Dave at the door, I noticed a presence in my peripheral vision.

“Not deaf.” Zoe grinned. “Still, good guess. I didn't know you knew ASL.” she quirked an eyebrow.

Finally, a chance to give her a taste of her own medicine. “There's a lot about me you don't know.” I tried to deliver in Zoe's own deadpan. Zoe just snorted.

“Yeah. Right.” she laughed and walked back toward the counter, but over her shoulder she taunted “you're still no closer to figuring it out!”

“I'll just ask Tina.” I smiled.

Zoe scoffed. “Good luck with that. She's no closer than you.”

'Maybe I should just ask her dad' I thought to myself snarkily. Then quickly thought about something else. Even as a joke to myself I didn't want to go there.

A number of weeks later, we had a real holiday. A national holiday, or as they call it in some countries, a bank holiday. Nothing was open. Including Tina & Zoe's coffee shop. Dave announced he was closing the shop & invited Tina, Zoe and the rest of his crew to a cookout at his place. He also instructed Tina & Zoe to drag me along too.

Dave was in full on 'dad mode' in a tacky barbecue apron, being the jovial host and keeping the party as stirred as the coals in his grille. Zoe took it upon herself to bring our collective contribution – a neon green concoction that I quickly learned were her homemade margaritas.

“I always bring Mezcal Maggies” she grinned. At my raised eyebrow, she smiled and raised a finger “Mezcal not tequila.... grand marnier not triple sec.... and juiced real limes – none of that sugary sweet stuff.”

I nodded. It sounded potent. I would be avoiding Zoe's 'Mezcal Maggies'

“Andi loves them, so I always bring a batch.” she grinned wickedly. Then she pulled Tina & me into a huddle and whispered “Only thanks to you guys, I improved the recipe.”

Tina & I exchanged perplexed – and alarmed – glances.

“I call these Viva Muerte Margaritas.” she grinned wickedly.

“Zombie juice.” Tina snorted. Zoe just beamed.

Then Zoe shrugged. “I just added Everclear. Upped the octane.”

I glanced to Tina, who turned to Zoe. “Why, exactly did you ...up the octane?”

Zoe just flashed us a fiendish smile.

At which point Dave interrupted us. “What's with the empty hands ladies? EAT! We've got dogs & burgers and chicken and burgers and ribs and burgers....”

“That's a barnful of choices.” Tina laughed. Andi quickly came up behind Dave with three small plates with barbecued cobs of corn, and what looked like homemade coleslaw and potato salad.”

“Well, at least you have offerings from the field as well as the barn.” Tina laughed.

Zoe turned to us. “You guys have to try Andi's potato salad. It's really unorthodox ….in the best possible way!” And she shot us a look that practically commanded us to accept the plates and take a hesitant bite.

We both turned to each other with big grins. Then turned to the anxious Andi awaiting our reactions.

“Ohmigod. This is amazing!” Tina gushed.

“I'm tasting an almost subliminal hint of chinese hot mustard and tumeric and ….do I taste curry?”

Andi lit up.

“Looks like you cracked it.” Zoe grinned. “I just know it's fuckin' awesome.”

Then she turned to the tote she brought and pulled out her neon green jug. “And speaking of awesome....” she grinned to Andi, whose eyes went wide as a kid on Christmas morning.

Andi accepted it with a big smile as Dave laughed “and now the party really begins!” he leaned in and gave Zoe an uncomfortable hug. “I knew there was a reason we keep inviting you back.” he grinned goofily.

Andi had slipped to the kitchen and quickly returned with some plastic margarita glasses. She offered them to Tina and me. We both smiled and held up our red party cups. Mine was filled with Sprite and I suspect Tina was doing something similar.

“More for us.” Zoe shrugged to the beaming Andi. They clinked plastic glasses and imbibed. Andi knocked hers back quickly and gave Zoe a big grin, quickly refilling her glass and having a demure sip. Zoe nursed hers gingerly and walked off to a quiet corner of the big room off the backyard patio. Andi followed her like the pied piper.

“Well, those two are set for the rest of the party.” Dave laughed. “C'mon out back while I prod my breasts.....” he paused a beat “...and my wings and drumsticks.... they should be ready to turn by now” and he snapped his barbecue tongs like an angry lobster, goofy grin on his face.

Tina and I exchanged eyerolls.

“Anyway, you have to meet Wayne and Vanessa from down the street. They're really fun and they have two boys in college.... twins....” he leered.

Tina winced and shot me a glance. I just smirked. “That'd be great, for later? I have to catch up with that guy....” I motioned with my head.

Tina caught on and bailed me out. “Zack.”

“Yeah. Zack. He challenged me to a game of horseshoes and since he finally got the court, I'm going to take him up on it and school him.” I grinned. Dave nodded, unconcerned that we shunned his plan and seemingly just happy to see us 'mingling'.

The party went on well past sundown, and gradually guests trickled away after realizing they all had work or school in the morning.

We lingered and offered to help clean up, which Dave eagerly accepted. Zoe and Andi were still in a far corner of the spacious living room seemingly huddled in heated conversation.

After I got everything bagged and binned and the dishwasher started, I ambled over to notice the nearly drained neon green bottle between Zoe & Andi.

“Looks like you two are having a party of your own.” I grinned.

“For your information, we're having a serious conversation.” Zoe raised a slightly wobbly finger. Andi nodded.

I raised an eyebrow.

“And none of your stupid sign language bullshit.” she added. Andi nodded absentmindedly.

“I really CAN talk you know,” Andi declared. Startling me. “I just hate the sound of my damned voice.”

I stood in stunned silence. She sounded almost exactly like Harvey Fierstein.

“OK.....” I said. Mostly for something to say. She glared at me.

“SEE???” she held an accusatory finger at me. “THAT'S why I keep my damned mouth shut! That look.... that ….look.... you're giving me.”

“Sorry.” I muttered. “It's just ….so.... I was taken by surprise.”

Andi snorted. “Tell me about it.... story of my damned life.”

“OK.” I said again just for something to say.

She brushed her hand in the air tipsily. “It's a loong story.” she scowled.

“Wanna hear it?” Zoe grinned wickedly. Then she turned to Andi with a pleading look like a dog begging for table scraps.

Andi regarded her for a while. Blinked a few times, then seemed to remember Zoe's request. “....fine.” she sighed. At which point Zoe lit up and beckoned Tina to join us.

I quickly suspected the high-octane margaritas were never intended as a hostess gift. They were Zoe's not-so-secret weapon to loosen Andi up. Dave had pretty much confirmed that. When Zoe beckoned Tina over, he shooed her with a grin and said 'thank God she's finally talking.'

“Hey slowpoke. C'mon....” Andi called out to Tina slapping the sofa cushion next to where she sat, legs folded under her. “I'm NOT telling this twice!” she grinned.

So Andi spilled her story.... which was wilder than anything I made up to throw Tina's dad off my trail. I made a mental note to steal some of this to bolster my own cover story.

Her parents were genuine off-the-grid types. Not hippies apparently. She didn't go into much detail, but they seemed more like right-wing survivalist types. They were really into Nietzsche ….and it seems, Mary Baker Eddy. They were NOT into doctors.. believing that the way we got to the top of the food chain thousands of years ago is because our species was the best of the best and every challenge overcome made us better.

Those were the people who raised – and home-schooled - Andrea. She didn't go too much into her childhood, but I got the sense from her relaxed demeanor that it wasn't really traumatic. Not to her. Since her parent's worldview was the only one she knew. She seemed to have a surprisingly uneventful and emotionally nourishing childhood.

Until she was eight.

That was the year she apparently caught a cold... nothing unusual... until it seemed to become a flu.... then maybe strep... and kept getting worse.

Her parents were very supportive, convincing her that she had the resources to focus her own innate immune system to vanquish this illness and thereby strengthen her immune system. She believed – and still does – that they were sincere in their beliefs and confidence that she would defeat this illness once she learned how to harness her innate strength and channel her body's resources to smite this attack.

While she quickly conceded that her parents were well-intentioned – but deluded – and it's amazing that she didn't die, she stated for the record that she believed to this day that they never intentionally placed her in jeopardy.

Their own faith in their beliefs were sorely tested when Andi apparently lapsed into a coma. Her face twisted with ambivalence as she described their anguishing over whether to bring her to a hospital, certain that it would mean social services wrenching her custody from them.

While they were still wrestling with their dilemma – three days later – Andi's fever broke.

The recovery was long and daunting. Her parents upturned their lives and devoted themselves 24/7 (actually 8 hour shifts each around the clock) to Andrea's recovery.

It took well over a year for her to feel this daunting ordeal was behind her. Her parents showed infinite patience – and more than a little guilt – as Andrea slowly crawled back the long road to recovery.

The ordeal took its toll. Her parents tried to spin it as 'war scars'.... her proof that she had prevailed over a near-fatal illness. Andi never bought that rationalization, yet saw no point in arguing the issue since things were what they were and she just needed to learn to deal with them.

For one thing, she was mute.

If you've ever had laryngitis, you will understand. It 's baffling, the first time it happens, that suddenly you can't make a sound beyond the woosh of your breath.... In time, you accept it, because.... it just ….IS. Eventually.... with a relief and newfound appreciation of precious things heretofore always taken for granted - your voice returns.

Andrea's recovery was slow. Eventually she recovered a whisper.... which over months evolved into a ghost-like rasp. When something that could be generously called 'a voice' eventually returned – along with an early puberty – Andrea was nearly ten.

The fact that her quirky parents had recused her from the public education system by home-schooling her, spared her from a lot of the awkwardness of her long recovery. ….And the eventual restoration of the voice that grew back.

She was a seemingly inconspicuous ten year old, who, when she opened her mouth, sounded like Darth Vader with a headcold.

Her parents did their best to make light of it and spare Andrea of any self-consciousness. Still, she was mortified by the sound of her new 'voice' and chose instead to revert to muteness – to her parent's everlasting chagrin.

Another surprise – whether related to the hormonal havoc instigated by her illness or just something that was always in her DNA... was the profound effect of puberty on the precocious tween.

She burst into young-adulthood with alarming alacrity. Her parents struggled to appear nonchalant and supportive, yet it was clear to Andi that they were nearly as distressed by the physical changes as she was. By the time she was actually a teen, she had sprouted to over 5'11” and had filled out into a frame that could be euphemistically described as 'Amazonian'. She was fiercely athletic with an imposing muscular frame. Ironically, as her folks long told her, her illness seemingly left her far stronger. Literally. However, by the age of 15, she looked like a 29 year old transgender woman.

When she turned 18, she fled the nest. She bore her parents no ill will and still had a strong sense of appreciation and complicated affection for her parents, who she viewed as always trying to do what they considered best. They were worlds apart in their world view, and the gulf only grew wider as Andi made her way in the outside world. Still, she made it clear that she bore her parents no animosity or ill will, and while she profoundly disagreed with their philosophy and life choices, she respects that when she turned 18, they let her go without a fight.

She got her GED, made her way through community college working under the table and low skill jobs, slowly making up for the 18 years of cultural isolation. She still remained an outsider of sorts.... remaining mute to the outside world. She learned American Sign Language in community college and that proved an immense help in 'mainstreaming' her life. Over time and much struggle, she made her way through college and med school.... where she researched her own past and speculated that based on her hazy recollections she was likely hit by a bout of scarlet fever or Kawasaki Syndrome..... She ultimately earned her L.P.N. eventually landing a coveted job at University Med Center, where her cool head and quick mind earned her a prime slot on the emergency room crew.

That's where she met Dave.... which she glossed over diplomatically... only saying that he ingratiated himself to her with his goofy charm and insane doggedness until eventually she found herself where she never allowed herself to imagine.... in a loving committed relationship with a guy who got her, knew her baggage, and had no problem with it.

I felt a pang at that, as when I allowed my mind to even go there, I couldn't imagine where I'd end up ....let alone with whom... always presuming my paradoxical gender-straddling existence would guarantee a life spent alone. The only question I ever dared to let myself wonder was, in the end, when I stopped straddling, which side of the metaphorical line would I end up.

“I knew you two bitches would never figure it out on your own.” Zoe cackled. The she got serious. “But I also knew it was important that you did.” and she flashed an uncharacteristically warm smile to Andi ...who returned it.

Then she glared at me “so no more of this sign language bullshit!”

“It's NOT bullshit!” Andi and I both blurted out simultaneously... then turned to grin at each other. The first of many such moments.

Zoe rolled her eyes “whatever..... do you know how fucking hard it is to eavesdrop when you're both just playing fucking charades?” she groused. Then her gruff face faded and she gazed at us sincerely. “Walls are down. No more games. OK?” she smiled.

Andi eyed me with a nod and beamed back to Zoe. My response was slightly less enthusiastic, but I hoped Andi didn't catch it. Her walls were down, but mine were still intact, and she didn't even know they existed.

Once the ice was broken, Tina and I quickly warmed up to Andi. She was sharp and funny and had a huge heart. Despite all the stuff she went through growing up and the tension and drama she saw daily working as an E.R. Nurse, she had the most cheerful outlook of anyone I'd ever known. Maybe knowing how tense and bleak life could be, she had a better appreciation of the micro-joys of each ordinary day.

A few days later I got a text from a number I didn't recognize. But I had a hunch.

“Hope you don't mind. I got your number from Zoe. What are you doing?”

I texted back “Not sure whether I mind or not. Who IS this?”

“Andi! I was chatting with Zoe and she said I should call you and hang out. :-) ….if that's OK?”

“I'd love to hang out. ….but I'm at work and Zoe KNOWS that.”

“Oh. OK. Sorry. Hope you don't mind me texting you, but I need to do a few errands at the mall and Dave is insufferable when I take him shopping.....” She didn't need to use an emoji. Her disappointment was palpable.

“I'm through in about an hour. ….can I meet you there?”

“I can pick you up. Where do you work?”

Crap.

“No worries. I don't want to hold you up. I can meet you at the mall.” I countered.

“So an hour?”

“That depends. Which mall?”

“Four Oaks?”

“How about 90 minutes-ish?”

“Text me when U get there and we can meet up. :-)”

I exhaled a breath of relief. Then I tore through my last deliveries and headed home to 'Chloe-up'.

Fortunately, that's a really quick routine of stripping off Tom. I got to the mall almost exactly when I said. When I rendezvoused with Andi, she still shot me a glare.

“I was THIS close to giving up on you” she signed holding thumb precariously close to her forefinger.

“Sorry.” I sighed, thinking I came almost exactly when I predicted. I guessed it seemed like an eternity to Andi... which I somehow found flattering. “I... doesn't matter.. sorry.... Thanks for waiting....”

Andi shrugged and cut me a pass.

“So. Are we good to go?” she signed. “I've already had waay too many coffees.” she leaned in and whispered with a grin.

I smiled politely and understood why 90 minutes seemed like an eternity. Andi shrugged and stepped up and out of her seat. “Time's wasting. Shall we go?” she signed.

“Of course.” I said.

Andi shot out of her chair and through the door. When I caught up to her on the busy sidewalk she quietly said “Maybe the coffee....s got me too wired... but I have a lot on my list... you in?” She turned back to regard me.

I nodded. “Totally.”

We tore through shops like an invading army.

Andi's idea of a “shopping spree” was not what I was expecting. Unlike any of my other friends, there were no visits to Neiman Marcus, Saks or even Lord & Taylor. Andi was the epitome of ….sensible.... Target, Kohl's and Gap were her mainstays.... and I think more than half of the stuff she bought was for Dave. When I asked her about it, she pulled me aside and whispered.

“I always heard women at work grousing about the ordeal of taking their boys shopping for back to school..... I realized with Dave that they never outgrow that.” She shot me a smirk. “I know his sizes, so this is just easier.... And now that I have someone to shop with, a lot more fun.”

I politely returned her smile. I could not see how she could wring fun out of a supply run to Target. “What about you?” I smiled. “We're here. World's our oyster.... Anyplace you want to go.... just for YOU?” I was somewhat stunned that I was the one trying to coax Andi into some self-indulgent splurging.

She shot me a guilty look. “Well.... there are some things I've been thinking about.... but they're really not necess....”

I cut her off with a gentle arm slap “We're here.... Mall's our playground.... Just trying something on doesn't mean you have to buy it. God, girl.... live a little” I urged with a grin.

She shot me a guilty grin. “OK. You twisted my arm.”

….so we went to the one 'specialty boutique' Andi always wanted to visit, but never did.

Work 'N Gear.

I smiled and shook my head. This girl was going to need a LOT of work.

Andi was as over the moon as a Flanders child discovering there was such a thing as flavored candy. She spun through the place, holding a colorful variety of scrubs up to herself and gazing dreamily in the mirror.

“Go on. Try them on.” I found myself having to urge her. She shot me a baffled look. I pointed to the dressing room. “That's why they HAVE them.” I grinned.

I snickered at the thought that Tina's friend Lauren and her drones would go absolutely nuts with Andi at a mall. I pushed her to dip her baby toe in the shallow end, shopping for flowered scrubs, and still felt she was ready to explode with excitement.

I had to work harder than the salesclerk – who in all honesty was seriously disinterested in selling and only seemed attentive when he thought someone might shoplift. I finally managed to persuade Andi to “indulge herself” in some kicky new ….workwear. I smiled to myself that this girl was going to need more than my coaching to loosen up. I'd have to recruit Tina and Zoe so we could triple-team her.

We had spent a couple hours at the mall, which I gathered was a record for Andi. Finally we had one stop left.

All those coffees finally caught up to her, so we hightailed it to the ladies.

We had too many bags to comfortably fit in a stall, and neither Andi or I intended to tie up the handicapped stall just because we had bags. One of the two standard stalls were occupied, so we arranged that we'd take turns. One would watch the bags while the other took a stall.

Andi insisted I go first, even though it was her need that brought us to the ladies. I quickly realized the futility of arguing and resolved to go quickly so she was free to seek relief. As I headed to the stall, an ill-temepered older woman headed to the sink and shot me a glare. She then turned to stare daggers at Andi who waited patiently out of the way with all our bags. I thought no more of it and went about my business. I quickly finished and went to wash up while Andi made a beeline to a stall.

There was no one else in the restroom, so I didn't worry about our collection of bags in the corner where Andi left them.

Suddenly the door BURST open and the scowling older woman from earlier stormed into
the ladies with a bedraggled mall security guard behind her.

“There's a MAN in the ladies room!” She blared at the weary guard.

“So you keep saying ma'am.” The guard sighed. “You didn't need to call 911. This is private property. You should have come to us first.”

“What do I pay my taxes for???” she near-screamed. “I can't believe after all that, they contact ….you.” she said, her voice laden with scorn and contempt.

“It IS my job ma'am.” The guard said with a sigh.

I could barely believe my eyes. I shook myself out of my stunned state and addressed the guard. “I have no idea what she told you....”

“Told the police....” the mall-security guard corrected. “THEY contacted us.” The guard seemed to just want this to be over quickly and be rid of this agitated older lady.

I regrouped. “OK. I don't know what you were told, but I.....”

“Not HER!” The woman yelled with contempt. She then shot an arm out at the stall. “THERE!!!”

Andi couldn't help but hear the commotion. The woman was a tornado or outrage and agitation. There was a flush and seemingly endless seconds later the stall door opened. Andi stood with poise and tried to hide the 'not again' look on her face. I knew instantly this was not ….her first rodeo.....

She walked over to the guard and surly woman. Shot them a look, then silently went to wash up.

“Well???? Aren't you going to DO something??” The woman instantly badgered the guard.

“I am.” The guard replied as calmly and quietly as the woman was loud and out of control. “I am letting her wash up.”

“HIM! You're letting HIM use the sink in the LADIES room!!!!”

I couldn't stand by any longer. I stepped between them and glared at the woman. “What the HELL is wrong with you? Are you off your meds or something?” I was furious and struggling to keep it under wraps. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Andi's glance in the mirror. It was near-telepathic. I knew she was forcing herself to remain zen and shot me a look that said 'thanks.... but ….not helping.'

The woman started jabbing me in the chest. “YOU... stay out of this! I don't know what sick thing you have going on. but I'm putting an end to it NOW!” She turned to the guard, shooting her poking arm in Andi's direction again. “ARREST HIM!”

The guard sighed and shot me a quick 'kill me now' glance then returned her attention to the woman.

“Ma'am.... I'm not authorized to arrest anyone ….even if I WANTED to....”

...and I knew at that moment just WHO the guard wished she could drag off in cuffs. Andi regarded us all silently from the mirror, still standing at the sink.

“THAT'S why I called 911! They should have come in the first place, instead of shrugging me off to …..you.” The scorn in her voice was SO odious, I think every one of us – save, possibly the above-it-all Andi - just wanted to slap her.

“Ma'am.... that's....” the guard stopped and rethought her response. “We should free up the rest room and discuss this in the mall office.” She shot Andi an apologetic look. “Please....” and she gestured us to the door. The furious woman seemed irked that justice was being delayed but conflicted that at least her sacred Ladies room was being vacated. Andi & I grabbed our bags and joined the guard and obnoxious woman to walk to the mall offices. We probably didn't have to. I doubt they had any real reason to compel us, but Andi seemed resigned, and I was so furious I wanted to give the woman a piece of my mind and set the beleaguered guard straight.

It took almost fifteen minutes. We each spoke individually to the guard and some sort of supervisor in a glass walled room deep within the mall offices. While I was telling my version, the supervisor excused himself and stepped out to attend to the older woman, who was standing screaming at Andi in the waiting area, that same stupid arm jabbing in accusatory stabs as she berated Andi at the top of her lungs. She was finally escorted to another room where she was left alone to wait her turn.

Long story short, we all spoke our piece and went off to await the outcome. Andi and I in the outer waiting area, and furious woman in the windowless room where they first sequestered her. Very quickly we were ushered into the office, where the supervisor spoke and the guard looked on apologetically. We were told how deeply the mall management firm regretted our unpleasant encounter and how much they hoped we would continue to keep an open mind when next deciding where to shop.... the supervisor noticeably eyeing our collection of bags. We were each presented with mall gift cards good for any store on the property and offered a profound and seemingly deeply sincere apology for our 'unpleasant encounter'. The guard sprang up and expressed her regret and distress at having to accost us in the loo. Andi smiled a shrug and I shook her hand with a smile. “I understand... no hard feelings... just glad I don't have YOUR job.” I laughed and rolled my eyes in the direction of the room where angry woman was stewing.

“Don't worry about any further encounters with ….her....” the supervisor said with disdain, cocking her head in the direction of the windowless room. “She will soon find out she is no longer welcome on the premises.”

Andi shot me a quizzical look, so I asked the question.

“So, what.... she's banned or something?” They both grinned and nodded. “Can you DO that?”

“It's private property” the supervisor said. “We have sole discretion over who is welcome and who is ….trespassing.” she smiled.

The guard grinned wickedly. “She may not believe or ...accept... that she's persona non grata.... but she'll quickly find out.... and keep finding out until she gets it through her thick skull” she said, barely hiding her delight anticipating these ….lessons.

As she walked us out of the office, the guard quietly whispered “This is not her first time. She accosted a dad taking his three year old into the men's room. A mixed race couple she was convinced were a pimp and his whore. A grandfather waiting for his wife with his granddaughter.... I could go on, but you get the gist. This is not her first time pulling stuff like this.” Then her grin got wicked. “Actually, it's her last.”

Andi and I just shared a look. There was no joy or vindication. This toxic woman was banished from the mall, but she and the monsters in her dark, fearful soul will no doubt find other places to sow hysteria and dread.

We were quietly reflective as we walked to Andi's car... with purses full of gift cards ….a 'please don't sue us' apology. I kept insisting that Andi take mine since she was the one wronged and put through this ordeal. She shrugged and admitted this wasn't the first time, and actually turned out far better than most. She thanked me for standing up for her during our 'office inquisition'. I waved that off and admitted that I was glad to be a witness to it all, since it made for two identical testimonies against 911-woman. Andi laughed and told me I'd be surprised how many women like that there were. I thought for a moment and realized maybe I would be, but others wouldn't ….including my dear friend Violet who never spoke of such things, and probably many lifelong women who weren't born 'instagram pretty' and had run ins with paranoid gender zealots. I sighed at the thought, the gloom beginning to overtake me. Until I turned and glanced at Andi, who had put it behind her as quickly as finding a piece of TP stuck to her heel and dislodging it. I would learn a lot from her about making peace with the past and not letting 'the long tail' of experiences drag at me like an anchor chain. Andi had already shrugged off the unpleasantry and was gleeful at the unexpected giftcards in her purse ...probably dreaming of her next shopping spree.... no doubt at Work 'N Gear. (sigh)

I was getting ready for work the next day when Zoe burst into the bathroom.

“Oh. Fuck. Sorry” she blurted.

Yet she lingered. Staring at me.

I turned and stared at her. “No biggie. I will be out in a moment. My bad for not locking the door.”

She stood there and continued to stare. I could sense that she was piecing it together,

“Fuck.” She muttered.

I feigned ignorance. “What?” I asked rhetorically.

“THIS is how you do it.” she nearly crowed.

I turned to her with a raised eyebrow, trying desperately to bluff.

Zoe flashed a shit-eating-grin. “I've seen you. Fresh from the shower going back to your room.....” She gave me a glare. “It was always fucking Chloe... even dripping wet with no makeup....” Her grin grew wicked. I just waited for it.

“TOM is the fucking act!” she crowed.

I turned to her with my 'Duh!' face. “Well... yeah. You knew that when you told your dad we'd take the house. …..SO???”

Zoe stopped a minute. I could see her gathering her thoughts... thinking just how to frame this.... “It's just.... I just realized how much effort you put into being ...Tom....”

I shot her a querulous look. “Your point being?....”

“Why do you bother? Just dump Tom already and be Chloe ….be yourself... full-time.”

I don't think Zoe was expecting my pained expression. “I'm not ….there yet....” I sighed. “There are still some ….advantages.... to having Tom …..available....”

To my surprise, Zoe grinned and nodded. “Believe it or not, I get it. Even if Tom is really the disguise....” and she raised an eyebrow as she scanned the bathroom where I was 'putting on Tom' for the day “...and a hell of a lot of work.... It's a mask.... you can put it on and become invisibro” She grinned at her own made-up word. “Let's face it, Chloe always turns heads, even in sweats and no makeup you turn heads....” she chuckled “I can't tell you how many bitches you really piss off with that easy-breezy covergirl thing you've got going” she smirked and paused, obviously remembering some incident or other, but then got back on track “no one pays any attention to fucking Tom... unless someone wants to I.D. you because, seriously..... Tom looks, like 15 or some shit.”

I nodded. “That's why I go to all this trouble.” I scowled waving my hand over my jawline.

“Yeah. Pretty convincing beard shadow.” Zoe conceded.

I nodded. I was relieved that even though Zoe knew it was really cosmetic, that she agreed it was convincing.

“You still look like a 15 year old.... just one who shaves.” She laughed.

I rolled my eyes. “It gets the job done. Since I learned how to paint on Tom, I've had far less attention paid... and that's all I want. To work without customers and coworkers trying to flirt or getting overly personal. Tom lets me disappear. And I'm not yet ready to give up that super-power.” I grinned, trying to lighten up this surprisingly heavy subject.

“So while bitches I know call their makeup routine 'War Paint', yours is actually camouflage!” Zoe laughed.

“Pretty much.” I smiled. “It lets me fade right into the background.”

“Fair enough invisibro.” she laughed. “Get back to it. Don't let me make you late for work..... if they even fuckin' notice when you show up!” she leered.

I rolled my eyes. “Thanks. I'll be thru in a few, then it's all yours.”

“I'm not waiting for you bitch!” Zoe laughed, then proceeded to spin around to the toilet and pee. “Keep the sink as long as you want.”

“I'll be done in time for you to wash your hands.” I laughed as I put the finishing touches on 'Tom'.

Zoe spun her head around, scanning the bathroom. “Who said that? I could have sworn someone was here a moment ago....”

I laughed politely at her lame joke and wandered back to my room to dress for work.

I was pulling a 'hell sandwich' as I called days when I worked a split 6-9A and 4-7P shift at the courier company and squeezed Office Oasis into the middle. It was also my day for dinner so I swung by the coffee shop to see if I could get away with Chinese take out.

“Don't worry about it” Tina waved it off. “You're off the hook tonight. We're going out.”

“We?” I raised an eyebrow. Then I flinched as Zoe punched my arm from behind. I turned to her wicked grin. “Yeah. WE.” and she motioned to a table where a grinning Jeannie waved at us. She was sitting with her scary friend JoAnn.

“Jeannie called and invited us to cheer on JoAnn's derby team tonight.”

“...umm The Hellians?” I grasped

“Hells Belles.” Tina corrected.

“They're going up against 'Slamazon Prime' ” Zoe grinned. “I've seen them.... they're fucking monsters. This is gonna be good.” She cackled.

Tina looked apologetic. “Jeannie invited us.... um, I mean me and Chloe.... but the match starts at seven and I knew Tom worked til 7 and wouldn't get home until after 8 so.... I asked Zoe.”

I gave her a resigned smile. “Yeah. It's probably more Zoe's speed anyway.”

“Hell yeah!” Zoe laughed. “Anyway, you weren't invited bro.” She shot me that evil grin she always used when torturing Tom.

“Who's not invited?” JoAnn asked as she and Jeannie approached us.

Zoe cocked a thumb at me. “This one's trying to barnacle himself into our girl's night.”

“I was n....” I started to protest, but Zoe cut me off.

“Give it up bro... you're not coming.”

Jeannie shot me a look and turned to Zoe. “Nobody said anything about a girls night....”

“It's OK. I'm working anyway. Thanks for the invite though.” I shrugged to Jeannie.

JoAnn leaned in and extended her hand. I thought I was prepared for it this time, but she still crushed my hand like a walnut. “No. You should come anyway. Even late. We could always use an extra paying spectator.....” she looked at me expectantly. I knew what she was waiting for. Before I could answer, I heard Zoe snort a laugh.

“Fuckin' Tom.” she laughed.

JoAnn shot me a long look. We had only met that one time at Sous Vide. And that night she met Chloe. After a tense pause she finally addressed me deadpan.

“So you go by your middle name?” she smirked.

I stared at her like a confused Golden Retriever.

“Tom... or are you maybe F. Tom?” she grinned. I turned to scowl at Zoe.

“Tom's fine.” I finally mumbled. Everyone else seemed quite amused. I don't know whether it was with Zoe's foul mouth or the fact that only JoAnn didn't know about Tom & Chloe.

Jeannie rushed in. “I'm sorry. So rude of me. Tom, this is my friend JoAnn.” I nodded. She hadn't twigged and I had no intention telling her in the crowded coffee shop.

“So how do you know.... who do you know?” JoAnn began, Jeannie cut her off.

“We went to school together. Arts.”

JoAnn nodded blankly. That still didn't explain why I ran into them at the coffee shop.

“And I came by to ask Tina about dinner plans.” Totally true. Zoe wasn't working that day and I was surprised to see her. I'm sure JoAnn took this as something else.

“So you & Tina?” she began to ask.

I shrugged “It's complicated.” Tina and Jeannie laughed. Zoe snorted.

“Usually is.” JoAnn muttered.

I knew Tina wouldn't spill until I told her it was OK, and I knew she'd keep Zoe quiet by any means necessary. I didn't mind JoAnn knowing, but I wanted to handle it in my own way. I just hadn't decided how yet. I knew this was not the place or time.

“Still.... you should come anyway. If there's no one at the ticket counters, ask one of the door guys. They'll find someone to take your money.” JoAnn laughed.

“So late is ok....” Tina mused aloud.

JoAnn shrugged. “A ticket's a ticket. Better than not coming at all.”

Tina nodded. “I wish I knew. I would've told Chloe....” she muttered, then turning to me, grinned “See that she gets the message, OK?” I smiled and nodded. Zoe snorted and Jeannie just followed our conversation with her eyes and a stupid grin.

JoAnn didn't seem to notice. “Why don't you just call her yourself?” she asked Tina.

We both responded in unison “It's complicated.” Zoe snorted. Jeannie squelched her laugh.

JoAnn shrugged. “Whatever. You should both come.” she said to me.

I smiled noncommittally. “We'll see. But right now, it's back to work.” I made my way to my bike and headed off for my next pickup.

As it turned out, I didn't go at all. My last run was a priority pickup at the far fringe of our service area, with the recipient at the other end of town. Normally we'd tag-team something like this and I would hand it off to a coworker in midtown, but it was near the end of the day and most had already come off their routes. Deirdre the dispatcher told me they were getting serious cash for this last minute priority run and I would be well compensated for my trouble. So I bore down and did the run. The recipient stayed open late to receive the package and seemed grateful and relieved. The desk guard handed me an envelope, saying 'for your trouble', and I knew it was a gratuity. I normally didn't accept tips, figuring it was a slippery slope of folks trying to 'jump the line' and prioritize their own items in the delivery queue. Still, after what I went through to get it delivered and how far it took me past my usual quitting time, I graciously accepted the envelope.

It was a crazy large tip. What I'd normally make in a day at both my jobs. I was happy to get it, but too exhausted to even think of what I'd want to do with the money. I just made my way home, peeled the day off me and drew a steaming, relaxing bath.

“I found her!” Tina yelled, startling me awake. I was instantly struck by how cold I was as by brain rebooted and I realized I must have fallen asleep in the tub. I opened the drain and ran the hot water to quickly raise the tub from tepid to toasty. The spray from the spigot also rejuvenated the bubbles from the bath oils, so I quickly regained some modesty sprawled in the tub as a leering Zoe joined us in the bathroom.

“Can't a person get a little privacy?” I mock pouted as Zoe came to stand beside a grinning Tina.

“Sure” grinned Tina. “Just don't fall asleep in a public place.”

“Naked” leered Zoe.

“This is NOT a public place!” I protested.

“No. It's a shared space.” smiled Tina.

“And you're hogging it.” grinned Zoe.

“Sorry.” I smiled apologetically. “I had a kind of brutal day and I wanted to soak out the kinks. I must have been more tired than I knew.” I shrugged.

“Don't talk to us about brutal after what we just witnessed.” Tina laughed.

My brain finally finished booting. “...right.... So how was Roller Derby?”

“Intense” Tina said at the same time Zoe blurted out “Awesome.” They turned to each other, grinning.

“So who won?” I grinned.

They looked at each other querulously, then both returned to face me and shrugged with a guilty smile.

“Were you not paying any attention?” I grinned at the two of them.

“Of course we were.” Zoe replied defensively. She then held up her hand and began counting off fingers. “There were at least two concussions. A broken shinbone and a couple of sprains.... had to be carried off the track. ...oh... and gallons of blood.” she beamed.

Tina shrugged. “I spent most of my time people watching.” she broke into a smile “I have enough material for a good few years of Plague Diaries.”

I laughed. “So maybe I made the right choice....”

“...falling asleep in the tub?” Tina raised an eyebrow.

I shrugged. “I obviously needed the rest...” I offered sheepishly.

Tina grunted a laugh.

“After the match, JoAnn suggested we call Chloe & all meet up for drinks” Tina said “but I begged off since I have early classes. Even Zoe didn't protest too much.” she grinned.

Zoe shrugged. “Yeah. It was a fun night. But I was done. I just wanted to get back to my room.” she tossed it off casually, but Tina and I exchanged glances.

Tina quickly regrouped. “Are you almost done here? Because I really need to pee.”

I smiled an apology and reached for a towel as Zoey proclaimed “screw THAT.” and spinning to the toilet, proceeded to whip down her jeans and plop down to loudly pee. Shooting me a grin, she said “if your delicate senses are offended, look away. I'm not waiting on you to haul yourself out of the tub so I can pee in peace. If you can't handle it, that's your problem.” she challenged.

I said nothing. I just stared into her eyes. “Do what you need to do. Not shocked. Not embarrassed. Not interested. Period.” I stood, taking subtle care to keep my ...incongruity... tucked back behind my tightly clenched legs.

Tina leaned in “You missed a really ….interesting... night.”

I quirked an eyebrow.

She waited for Zoe to finish and leave while I stood shivering in my towel.

“I'm not 100% sure, but I think JoAnn thinks ….I'm trans....” she whispered.

I cocked my head and stared at her blankly while I tried to process this. Finally I nodded.

“You met at Sous Vide with my other friends.... You & Jeannie hit it off and she invited you to go to Roller Derby with them.... She knows you share a house with Chloe...”

Tina nodded, grinning. “And Zoe – who is almost as wild as JoAnn....”

I nodded. “OK. I can see how she got there.”

“AND I think she thinks I'm dating Tom!” Tina smirked.

I jerked my head back like a startled chicken. I didn't see THAT coming. “What on earth gave you that impression?”

Tina said “remember back at Kool Beanz when you said... when TOM said... he came by to ask me about dinner...?” Her smile was mischievous.

I nodded, recalling the encounter.

Tina continued “And she asked 'So you and Tina....' and Tom replied.....”

“It's complicated.” I groaned and rolled my eyes.

“And SHE replied...” Tina said with a finger to the air and an expectant look....

I stared back at her blankly. I either hadn't heard or hadn't paid attention.

Realizing I was clueless, Tina stared me in the eyes and muttered “...always is.”

I felt the blood drain from my face. I was sure Tina was right. I groaned quietly.

Tina's laugh surprised me. “I know I always used to make fun of you for your 'It's complicated' catchphrase, but living with you, I'm beginning to understand. Your friend Jeannie's friend JoAnn, who I met at the club with Chloe and her friends.... thinks I'm dating TOM... who she doesn't know is Chloe... and may or may not know that I am transgender ...or so she thinks.” Tina grinned shaking her head.

“Forget Plague Diaries.... I want to start writing this!” she laughed.

I rolled my eyes. “My life is not fodder for your muse.” I grimaced. “Can we talk about this in the morning please?”

Tina smiled and nodded. “Oh, we WILL.... I've been itching to do something completely different from Plague Diaries.... to show that I have more than one story to tell.... more than one ….flavor.” She actually seemed to taste the word in her mouth and subtly nodded her approval with it. “It never occurred to me that the story could be taking place under my own roof!” she beamed.

I sighed. “Please. In the morning> I'm exhausted. We'll talk about it then.” I squeezed past her and padded to my room.
“Count on it!” she said loudly down the hall.

We'd have a lot to talk about in the morning. But at the moment, neither of us had any inkling of what lay ahead.

The smoke alarms startled us awake. I ran into the hall in my sleep tee and panties and was quickly joined by Tina in her large flannel shirt and fleece gym shorts. We stared at each other - each trying to bootstrap our brains. After a moment we noticed we were alone.

“Is Zoe here???” I shouted over the pulsing klaxon.

Tina shook her head and mouthed “I don't know” but we couldn't hear a thing over the painful din.

Using hand gestures as much as speech, I indicated I would check the alarm and urged her to check on Zoe.

Fortunately, I have a kind of OCD like obsession to know how things work, so it wasn't long after we moved in that I actually read the instruction manual for the sophisticated zoned alarm system. There was a panel in a utility closet near the washer/dryer that had the breaker box, various utility gizmos and the master alarm panel. I opened the front panel and muted the alarm. I instantly understood the phrase 'the silence was deafening'. My ears still rang from the painful klaxons, but my ears were so desensitized by the loud alarms, normal background sounds disappeared into the velvet mist below my assaulted threshold of hearing. I looked at the LED panel and saw the sensor that tripped the alarm; the master bedroom. Zoe's room. Maybe she left a hotplate or something on before she left? If she were still here, she would have joined us in the hall. I scowled at the thought that Tina and I would have to invade her privacy, if only to prevent burning down her father's house.

I went upstairs to find Tina banging at Zoe's room, calling loudly through the door.

“I don't think she's here.” She shrugged.

“No. I guess not. But the sensor that tripped the alarm is in that room.” I scowled, glancing at Zoe's door. “We have to break in.”

Tina didn't look any happier than I did. The door was locked. Of course. Not that either of us had ever even tried it before, but we couldn't imagine Zoe ever leaving her private space unlocked.

No surprise we made little progress with the door. Neither of us was built to Kool-Aid Smash through the door, sending splinters flying. I had already grabbed a fire extinguisher, presuming we may need it for whatever we found on the other side.

I held my hand to the door, feeling for heat. I'd seen too many movies where a fireball explodes as people break through and the fresh air causes a violent flare of a starving conflagration. The door seemed cool, so Tina and I took turns battering it with the fire extinguisher. Zoe would be really angry we broke into her room, and her father would be angry that we destroyed his fancy wooden door, but maybe his anger would be tempered if we managed to save his fancy house.

We shattered a hole small enough to fit an arm through, Tina felt her way around and undid the deadbolt, and finally we got the door opened.

And rushed into the room with the extinguisher - only to stop cold.

There was no fire. Clearly there HAD been a fire, because the room was filled with acrid smoke and there was a large soot stain on the ceiling. It looked like a piece of lacy fabric had caught fire and burned itself up. Judging by the singe marks, it fluttered too close to a large photo flood bulb on a C-stand. The source of the fire had consumed itself, but not before setting off the alarms. Or maybe it was the burning insulation smell of the thick smoke that lingered in the air that set them off. But that was the least of it.

Tina and I stood, bewildered, in front of a writhing Zoe, heaving with violent coughs, lashed into some macabre heaving contraption. My mind usually doesn't go there, but trying to wrap my head around this complicated and ominous looking device, I struggled unsuccessfully to come up with any other description than ….steampunk sex machine.

Zoe's outfit only enhanced this image. Bits of constricting leather and rubber with lots of shiny brass and chrome fixtures holding her collared neck, waist, wrists and ankles into this macabre machine, being bent in ways I didn't know the human body could bend - by pulleys and brightly colored ropes. And what the hydraulic apparatus of the machine was trying to DO to her... I guess successfully doing to her... I didn't even want to think about!

Her head was sealed inside something that looked like a giant black beach ball, with a screw-on accordion-style vacuum hose leading to a pleated rubber bag that was ballooning and collapsing with her violent coughs.

After a moment to collect our wits, Tina and I scrambled over to the device and tried to extricate Zoe. Tina tried to unfasten all the restraints while I searched for how to switch off all the ...erm... pumps and motors. I finally noticed a heavy duty cord that fed a splitter box and I yanked it from the wall. The gizmo shuddered to a stop and I heard a large click as Zoe's brass and chrome restraints fell away from the machine. Tina and I gingerly got the other parts of the machine ...out of her, and tried to sit her up. Tina went to remove the beach ball thing from her head, but Zoe broke away from her and scrambled to her feet, tripping over a light-stand and running straight into a wall. Tina guided her to the door, she stumbled out into the hall, then struggled to get the contraption off her head.

“What the FUCK????” she whispered, her voice trembling with rage.

“Yeah! What the fuck???” Tina shot back, hands on her hips in fury.

“You fucking broke into my room!!!” She snapped in a hoarse whisper.

“You set off the fire alarms.” I pointed out. “Lucky we disabled the auto-911 feature when we moved into the empty house, or you'd be having this argument with firemen.”

Zoe scowled, but calmed ever so slightly. She glared at us and held up a finger as she backed into her room. A moment later the bright lights went out. A moment after that our finally recovering hearing heard the sudden silence as her computer's fans shut down.

She stormed back into the hall and bellowed at us “You had NO fucking RIGHT!” her accusatory finger trembling with rage.

“We thought the house was on fire!” Tina shot back, getting more agitated and sure to soon meet the calming Zoe at the emotional halfway point.

“I checked the master panel. It was your room. Look at the smoke.”

“I'm fucking aware of the smoke!” Zoe glowered, and I finally noticed the hoarseness in her voice.

“Well, we HAD to do something!” Tina snapped. “We weren't going to burn the house down!”

“And what if we weren't home?” I cried, suddenly alarmed at the realization.

“Well, then, I guess I'd have become fucking legend.” Zoe muttered with a wry grin.

“Would you like to explain just what the hell is going on?” I demanded.

“No.” Said Zoe with fire in her eyes.

“Well, tough. You nearly burned the house down. And we had to invade your private space to save your sorry ass. So 'NO' doesn't cut it.” Tina said to her with a fearsome authority I instantly recognized from her dad.

Zoe scowled at us. Winced at a small cough and muttered “I need a fucking drink” pushing past us and making her way to the stairs.

We sat around the breakfast station until the sun rose. I called in sick to work and Tina blew off classes. Zoe talked. But it was like pulling teeth.

“God, I feel like a gitmo inquisitor.” I glared at Zoe. Then I muttered “only no bright lights and tying to a chair. I've had enough of that for one night.”

Zoe snorted and I saw a smirk flash across her face.

“Look. We respect your privacy.” Tina said.

“Until you almost burn the house down.” I snarked.

Zoe just rolled her eyes.

“Fine. Fine. FINE. What the fuck do you want to know?”

“Uh... what the hell is going on?” Tina cocked her head, but her voice betrayed more demand than curiosity.

Zoe sighed and told us about “Slipknot Siouxsie”. A character she created on AOL chat as a dorky 11 year old. Originally just an alter ego with no self esteem issues, she was the superhero under the self-conscious teen with severe body image issues. As she grew and became more worldly as a teen, so did her online alter ego. Slipknot Sioux became a wicked flirt in online chat. Over the years the chat evolved from simply flirty to downright raunchy. Meanwhile, Slipknot Sioux was becoming a bad influence on Daddy's little mathlete. She rebelled as a teen and her father never figured out the bad influence on his little girl was actually her online alter ego. After a few close encounters with some creepers, and a funny story about one relationship she eventually figured had to be one of those seamy TV news show predator traps, and how she punked them really good, getting two different 'perv-hunters' each pretending to be teens, trying to entrap and arrest the other.

The sexy talk eventually evolved into sexy cam photos after she turned 18, but Zoe always protected her privacy. As she got older and more daring, and tech got more advanced, she kept pushing the envelope, to the point where she became a live-stream cam-girl, performing pre-negotiated scenarios for subscription audiences like some X-rated pay per view.

It paid really really well, but she pumped most of her profits back into the business on wardrobe and props. Like that crazy stuff we stormed in on.

In fact she had a number of different personae – each with a specific kink. She described it as how Coke and Sprite and Fanta were all brands of the same sugar-water company. She had dom & sub characters, male and female (and in-between) characters, gay & straight characters, and subdivisions of stuff like rubber, leather, plushplay (furries) and activities from med fet to rope bondage – her original thing & first persona, watersports, breathplay, electro, etc. She was always looking for new edgy 'performance genres' to use online. Which is why she frequented the kink clubs, networking & looking for fresh ideas. Zoe, it turns out, always worked alone, being ultra paranoid about her privacy. Her 'co-stars' were real-doll type mannequins which she macguyvered into animatronic type figures that seemed to have rising/falling chests so they appeared to be breathing. She performed the most active person in the scenario and the dummies stood in as passive doubles for her other characters. It really was performance art disguised as porn. By some point she built a stable of characters of varying genders ages and phenotypes.

It let her scratch her wild itch, AND keep her anonymity. Which is why she freaked when Tina tried to remove that beachball headgear in her room before her cameras. Zoe scowled that we may have revealed our faces to her pay per view pervs, but maybe the smoke was so thick and the movement so frantic that they didn't see much of anything.

She grumbled that she would need to contact all the subscribers to last night's 'performance' and offer them a refund since it was interrupted and veered from the script as soon as the lighting rig set the backdrop on fire. She said she would check the recording to see if it clearly captured either of our faces.

She then yawned and stretched and asked us if our inquisition was done. She slouched upstairs to her room saying she had a lot to clean up and she was exhausted.

“Not to mention sore?” I raised an eyebrow.

Zoe shrugged. “You'd be amazed what you can get used to.” She said dryly.

Tina and I spent a few more hours chatting.

Tina was poking at her iPhone. She must have been doing web searches. “So our roomie is a notorious cam-girl.” She muttered wryly.

“So it seems.” I said, still not sure how I felt about that, but knowing I couldn't afford to move even if I wanted to.

“Apparently a very famous notorious cam-girl.” Tina smirked, still poking at her phone. “You might say, she's kind of cam-girl royalty....”

“Princess Zoe?” I snorted.

Tina grinned. “More like her exalted highness the Sovereign Slipknot Sioux.”

“All bow down before her.” I laughed. Tina snorted.

“I think her subjects would be thrilled to.” she quipped.

“Oh well, Live and let live. It's not illegal.” I shrugged. Then I turned to Tina. “...is it?”

Tina shook her head with a smile. “...Not everywhere, anyway...”

“OK. So our roomie has her private life... her not blatantly illegal private life... with other consenting adults of their mutual choosing....” I scowled slightly.

“Live and let live?” Tina smiled halfheartedly.

I nodded and returned her woeful smile.

Zoe was right about one thing. It's amazing what you can get used to. Over time, our relationship with our quirky roomie became gradually less awkward and eventually we found ourselves back at that place we had been when we all moved in. Then the relationship continued growing closer. Now that her secret was out, Zoe felt free to grumble to us about 'work'.... about some of the stuff her clients tried to pull and tell the painfully awkward – but always funny – story from time to time.

It even got to the point where I found Zoe and Tina heads down around the table in our dining room. Zoe asked Tina's help as a creative writing major to 'fix' a scene people were asking for that just didn't seem right to her but she couldn't pinpoint why.

Tina actually got into it, smiling that it was another 'new genre' to master, and she felt a bit naughty, yet exhilarated, helping Zoe script out these steamy performance scenes.

Zoe kept telling Tina she should help. Not as a subject so much as a bit-part as a minion. Zoe persuaded Tina by saying she could write much more ambitious scenes if she was there to help Zoe get in and out of her various predicaments. Zoe admitted that having to do them all singlehandedly really limited the scope of her canvas. Zoe sold Tina and got her started really slowly, just handing wardrobe pieces to Zoe occasionally zipping an armbinder or cinching a corset.

I could see that Zoe was getting Tina to dip her toes in and warned her that eventually she may find herself doing tag teams with Zoe. Tina laughed and shrugged it off.

One day Tina approached me sheepishly.

“I really wish you would join Zoe and me.”

I smiled and shook my head 'no chance'.

“No no no. We don't want you to do scenes. And if you'll notice, even I resisted that temptation miss 'corrupting influence'” she taunted with a smile.

I smiled back.

“But it IS a temptation! I had no idea how much money these guys will pay just to watch random strangers on the internet. It's sick.”

“Yes it is.” I smiled primly.

“No!” Tina laughed. “I mean YES.... yeah.... it is kinda sick... especially some of the stuff they ask for.... but no, I mean the money is sick. A sick amount.”

“So why is Tina still drawing tall lattes at 5AM?” I teased.

“Why did Clark Kent take a desk job?” she shrugged.

“Comic nerd.” I snorted.

“And THAT's what I wanted to talk to you about!....” Tina grinned.

It didn't really take too much arm twisting to get me on board. When Tina talked about her crazy idea, I found her enthusiasm contagious. Zoe was cool with it. In fact Tina thought that she was secretly flattered but would never admit it.

Tina handed me some rough story pages and in a couple of days I handed her my surface tablet with the finished artwork pages. Zoe had some suggestions, and Tina took another pass, but in a little over a week the first issue of 'Camgirl Chronicles' was online.

I'm not sure what came faster, our subscriber numbers or Tina's fresh pages.

It was a crazy kind of feedback loop. Or maybe more of a nuclear chain reaction. But the alt.art success of Camgirl Chronicles ended up getting art and comic nerds to Google Slipknot Sioux. They seemed stunned that there was a real character with that name and some folks emailed Zoe's alias 'warning' her that someone had stolen her brand and was using it to peddle a comic series. Zoe let them know that it was an authorized use of her brand, that she was flattered someone thought she deserved to be immortalized in print, since she was basically a performance-artist, and her own ephemeral artworks only lived in whatever she could burn into the minds of her live subscribers. She claimed to steal some ideas from the comic (although in truth it was an active collaboration with Tina) and admitted that some of the stuff in the comic came from actual incidents she shared with the writers, and challenged them to guess which were which.

It seemed like the writers and the subject of the comic were aware of each other and in occasional contact.

If anyone had any idea we all lived under the same roof, their brains probably would have exploded.

Tina gave Slipknot Sioux a backstory very different from Zoe, and I took great pains to portray her as equally fierce, but physically quite different from Zoe. I did have the good sense to collaborate with Zoe so her animated alter ego was exactly who Zoe wanted to be but wasn't. Tall and blonde and curvy and fearless, a high powered executive at a conservative Washington think tank. Part of Tina's devilish backstory was Sioux recognizing lots of the 'stuffed suits' she dealt with in her day job, and them having no inkling of her alter ego.

I also realized early on, that that first awkward conversation I had with Tina's dad was because he thought I was 'Slipknot Sioux' not Sue. I had to grin when I realized that after all this time, her housemate had become an influence on Tina ...though not in the corrupting way he imagined. I wondered what Frank Aldone made of 'Camgirl Chronicles'. I had zero doubt that he was aware of it. He didn't miss much, and he watched over 'his little girl' ...if only discreetly and from afar. I swallowed hard. I couldn't imagine my own father watching out for me.