When the judge made the final pronouncement of divorce, I had to fight back tears. I knew it was coming, had seen the writing on the wall for a while…but I still wish it wouldn’t have had to happen. The final settlement was good (much too good according to my lawyer)... no matter what happened I would never want for anything in my life. I held back my tears as I had been hoping to continue to live as man(ish) and wife, but I didn’t despair too much because our deepest relationship would never be over…after all, no mistress would willingly give up their most beloved slave girl.

My girlfriend grabbed me in a fierce hug right in the middle of the courtroom, followed by a very passionate kiss. I could hear a few mutters from people who had come for my wife’s moral support (as if she needed any) when they witnessed the exchange. To outward appearance, I was basically a kept husband who had lived off of his wife’s money for years…essentially a male gold digger. If they knew the truth they would be even more shocked.

It all started a couple of years ago, when my wife came home early (for her) after a doctor’s appointment. I didn’t know it at the time, but her morning had been a chaotic wreck due to issues with a distributor or some such. Compounding on that, she had been to the doctor for a routine check up and found that not only was she showing early signs of heart disease, but she also had extremely high blood pressure. So she came home frazzled…completely stressed from her day, to find me prancing around the house in her lingerie.

I still remember that moment. Imagine me, standing there. Deer in the headlights look in my eyes as my wife walks in the room. My mind instantly exploding in a series of horrified thoughts. Divorce…humiliation…rejection. I expected anger or revulsion. I expected scorn or contempt. I didn’t expect laughter. It started as almost an insane uncontrollable giggling, and she just couldn’t seem to help herself. Soon tears were running down her face as she laughed uncontrollably…and I felt so small. I was in my most vulnerable, most deeply hidden form of expression…and she was mocking me.

I remember the regret in my voice as I dejectedly told her I would pack a bag and get a hotel room until we could settle things. I didn’t expect her fierce hug as she grabbed me and refused to let me go. She told me she wasn’t laughing at me…she was just so stressed and seeing me like this just gave her a much needed release. She proceeded to drag me rather forcefully to the bed and show me just how much more stress she needed to work off. It was that night, that beautiful night of sex our newlywed selves would have envied, that spelled the beginning of the end for our marriage.

—

A few years ago…

Tonight is going to be a good night I find myself thinking. I have the house all to myself and for the first time in a couple of weeks I feel like it’s safe to let my feminine side out. I feel a slight tremor of guilt as I rummage through my wife’s clothing looking for a sexy outfit to wear. I don’t know if you would consider her slightly large for a woman, or me petite for a man…but we are close enough in relative size for her clothing to fit me (even if a bit snug in some areas). Since my wife told me not to expect her until late this evening, I have plenty of time to really immerse myself.

I consider this my marital Moby Dick…you know that one big whale of a secret nearly every married person has…the one that has a very good chance of destroying the life you have. Some people have hidden affairs, drug abuse issues, health problems…me, I have a fetish for wearing women’s clothing. No thats not quite right…I have a fetish for transforming myself into a beautiful, graceful, sexy goddess for a few hours at a time.

Sometimes all I can manage is a pair of soft silk panties under my work suit, or a quick make up job so I can see my more beautiful alter ego in the mirror. Two or three times a month, when I know my wife is going to be out for extended periods of time, I can do the whole head to toe goddess look…and really feel beautiful for an hour or two.

If someone were to ask, I would say I am at most bi-curious. I have on occasion wondered what it would be like to be with another man, but overall I much prefer a beautiful woman. In pretty much any opportunity for company (sexual or non) given the choice I will always choose a woman over a man…so while I would not ever rule out sex with a guy, I doubt it will ever present itself as the preferred option.

I can’t help but feel excited at the moment..I was so pumped I actually snuck out of work a half hour early just so I could have more time. Now, a bubble bath later (smelling faintly of roses) and my arms and legs coated in a lightly femininely scented lotion I am ready to transform myself in all my glory.

I quickly apply my makeup with practiced skill, while my toenails dry from the light coating of red nail polish. I can’t help but marvel at my image in the mirror as my face transforms from a average looking man to a sexy looking lady. I love the way the makeup feels against my skin as I apply it. There was a time when I would just slather it on until I looked like a really cheap hooker or a clown…but now I just apply light, artistic amounts that accentuate instead of overwhelming. The lipstick I use is a very light shade of red that give my lips a glossy look without the bright red I used to go with.

I put on my wig, transforming my hair from short, dark brown to long straight raven black hair. I really like this wig, its long silky smooth hair reminds me of some Asian or Native American women.

Now comes my favorite part of all, I pull on a pair of thigh length stockings…black colored nylons with a red lace rim around the top. I love the silky feel of them against my skin, it is by far my favorite guilty pleasure. It takes another 10 to 15 minutes of primping and prepping before I am satisfied every thing is in place (thankfully I have virtually no body hair to really slow things down).

I quickly slip on a sexy black and red outfit that always excites me when my wife wears it. It takes a bit to get the top right since all I have to fill the bust is a pair of balled up socks (I am too chicken shit to actually go buy falsies…plus where would I hide them). Finally I slip my feet into a pair of sexy black heels to complete things.

I stand in front of the full length mirror and primp and pose. I absolutely love dressing like this. I wish I had the courage to go out in the world looking like this…if anyone saw me like this they would think I was my own sister or cousin, very few people would see ME beneath the glamorous figure I represent in this outfit. God I sometimes wish I had the courage to show the world this ME…or even the lesser required to let my wife see this side of me. The only people (that I know of) who know this side of me are my parents who caught me out when I was still in high school, and while my mom sometimes gives me tips…my relationship with my dad has been rather awkward ever since.

I can’t help but relish my look in the mirror…I absolutely love this time when I can let my sexy best out for a walk.

I was so caught up in the sense of freedom…in the exhilaration I always feel when I wear women’s clothing that I failed to hear the sound of the door as my wife entered the house. So lost in my inner world that I didn’t hear the sound of her walking up the stairs. There was no way I could miss the surprised gasp followed by a shocked exclamation of “OH MY GOD!”

If I was cooler or more confident I may have made some type of situation appropriate one liner, like “These are not the droids you’re looking for.” Or replying in a sexily feminine voice, “that’s Goddess.”

Unfortunately, my best response was a startled leap and a high pitched squeal, followed by a barely controlled spin as I turned to face her. I don’t know who’s expression was more shocked at this point, but I know my heart was thumping so hard I could almost hear each heartbeat.

I don’t know how long we stood there like that, me paralyzed in fear and her in total shock…but then she did something I really didn’t expect. She began to giggle uncontrollably. Here I am caught in my worst nightmare scenario and she is laughing.

My panic is abruptly replaced by some combination of embarrassment, shame, self loathing and a bit of anger. Before she has a chance to say or do anything else, I find my voice. “I’ll pack a few things and get a hotel for the weekend.” I say quietly. I am not crying yet, but I have no doubt that as soon as I get away from her mockery I will be.

Before I can make it into the bedroom, she is on me, grabbing me…hugging me. She isn’t laughing any more, she is just holding on. It takes me a minute to realize she keeps saying “its OK, its Ok” trying to comfort me. So here I am, caught well and truly in the most embarrassing situation I have ever known (even worse than that time with my parents) and the woman I well and truly love is holding on to me and telling me she loves me no matter what.

I don’t know how long she held me like that, telling me its alright. Telling me she loves me. Eventually I calmed down and just relaxed in her hug. Before I knew it, she was dragging me into the bedroom and then the night turned from utter disaster into one of the most intense nights of marathon sex we had enjoyed in years.

—

I woke up sore but refreshed. That had truly been a night worth remembering. It didn’t take long for me to get up, get cleaned up, showered and suitably macho-fied? (as opposed to feminized). Nor did it take terribly long for me to gather up the tattered remnants of my beautiful outfit and (where salvageable) put in the proper bins for laundering and such. Once satisfied that all the bits were in the proper place, I made my way downstairs.

My wife was in the kitchen drinking coffee, and she greeted me with good morning and a kiss. Then she said the four most dreaded words a married person ever hears.

“We Need To Talk.”

NEVER a good conversation starter in a marriage.

It started out about how I expected…the questions. How often do you wear women’s clothing? Why do you wear women’s clothing? Are you attracted to men? Are you attracted to me? (as if that needed an answer given last night)…etc. But then other questions were more unexpected. Would you be happier if you could dress up more? Would you be willing to go out on dates dressed up? (wait…what?) Can we do some role-playing? And on and on. Her enthusiasm was almost manic as she became more and more animated by our conversation. It was almost beautiful how much her excitement seemed to lift a weight off her shoulders and give her renewed life.

After a while she settled down a bit, but then she hit me with the big one. It turns out, my secret fantasy life was a minnow compared to her Moby Dick! After a bit of talking, negotiating even, we came to a compromise. I could dress up as much as I liked…she would even help me get outfits and those other things I was to embarrassed to buy myself. She would be completely loving and supportive as long as I followed certain rules.

1. We would be discrete…outside the house we would be Mark and Andrea.
2. When I was dressed we would be Petra (aka the slutty slave girl, aka Pet) and Mistress Simone.
3. Mistress Simone is always in charge, Petra must obey or be punished.
4. I must promise to always give her many many orgasms when we are playing the game.

In the end I accepted her terms. It wasn’t that hard to agree, after all the game would take our sex life to a whole new level. The fact that I would get to express my inner self freely within the marriage (and did I mention the sex) was a huge selling point. The only thing that made me a bit nervous…that gave me a bit of hesitation was the role I had to play. Could I really enjoy a mistress/slave relationship? Could I enjoy a world where a slave must obey or be punished?

In the end, I accepted her terms…but not just because of the arousal I was feeling the more I thought about things. It wasn’t even the infinite possibilities of wearing beautiful outfits and having kinky sex. No, the biggest reason was the look in her eyes. She appeared both vulnerable and yet very determined. If I know one thing about my wife, when she gets that look in her eyes she is going to get what she wants. I think that when she admitted her desire out loud. When she told me what she wanted (no needed) to feel fulfilled, I knew that this was not just a decision about a game but also about our marriage. Everything about her practically shouted that this game would give her something she had craved for a long time, and if I didn’t accept her terms she would find someone else to play with.

The way she lit up when I accepted her terms was both deeply arousing and slightly depressing. How could I have not noticed such a deep need in my wife for the years we had been married? How could I have not seen just how badly she was hurting, or how much she needed release? Of course my thoughts were rapidly diverted elsewhere when she promised me breakfast and a blow job to celebrate the new chapter in our lives.

It is strange the things a person will do for love.

I would have never believed anyone if they told me I would be playing bondage and submission games with my wife. Of course, I doubt I would have believed that she would enjoy dressing me up as her “lesbian” lover and calling me her wife either.

The last few weeks have flown by, as Andrea has been quite forceful in pushing the game agenda forward. I don’t even want to think about the places she has been shopping to find the “right” attire for both of us. Our sex lives have improved to the point where we are having as much sex as we did when we were in that shiny, new relationship phase (possibly more). For the most part the game has been good, kinky fun…and being able to dress freely and in such sexy outfits without enduring any judgment or criticism is like a drug I never want to stop taking.

On the other hand, sometimes I find the game a bit difficult. Andrea is wholeheartedly dedicated to playing the game and sinks into the role in ways I never imagined. I have difficulty sometimes going into, or staying in character (especially to the level Andrea insists). Andrea believes a Mistress should be very demanding, and should see it as a necessity to punish her slave’s littlest infractions. A slave needs to be put in her place and kept there is her motto. Sometimes I could see a frustrated look in her eyes when I didn’t quite meet up to her level of expectations for my role.

I honestly did my best, pushing myself to conform to the rules of the game, but sometimes I would hesitate a bit too long. Or on occasion, I would try to talk to her normally, which would always piss her off because I was “breaking the fantasy”. In her eyes when I was dressed, we were Mistress Simone and Petra…not Andrea and Mark. And to her, Mistress Simone and Petra did not and should not ever pretend, even in conversation, to be equals. Mistress commanded and Pet complied. Period. End of story.

I remember it clearly, it was a Thursday evening, after a particularly epic failure on my part, Andrea finally let loose her temper on me. “If you aren’t going to play right then take off that damn outfit!” she screamed at me livid. Then she put on some appropriate clothing and stormed out of the house. I was saddened and confused, waiting up half the night for her to return home…but she never did.

She called me at work the next day, and apologized for her outburst. I started to tell her maybe we should give the game a rest for a bit, but she immediately rejected that and said she had a plan to make things better. I reluctantly agreed that I would let her take charge for the weekend and do whatever she wanted. She even promised that if I was good we would have more and better sex than what we had been enjoying over the last month.

—
When Andrea explained her idea to me, I found it both troubling and slightly arousing. Apparently when she was younger she had undergone hypnosis for weight loss, and it had worked very well for her. She wanted us to do what she called reciprocal hypnosis sessions. Meaning we would take turns hypnotizing each other every night as part of the warm up for the game. We would give each other suggestions that would make the role-play more exciting and the sex more enjoyable.

While finding the idea of hypnosis rather ridiculous, the pleading look in her eyes was enough to convince me to let her try it. She smiled at me and promised I would never regret trusting her. Sometimes I wonder if even at that point she was planning to betray me, or if it was at least partly my own fault due to some badly worded post hypnotic suggestion I gave her. The only thing I know for certain is that the hypnosis sessions were a huge factor in the way our lives have turned out.

—

So here I am sitting uncomfortably on the couch, I am still not 100% sold on the hypnosis angle. Scattered on the coffee table are several books about hypnosis and how to use it. Andrea directs me to close my eyes and just relax…just breathe deeply and relax.

“Going down deeper with every breath…enjoy drifting down…listening to the sound of my voice…”

Andrea goes on and on in a slow, comforting voice and I find myself relaxing more deeply than I can ever remember relaxing before. I can hear every thing she is saying, but I am just so relaxed it just seems to drift through my mind without any real weight.

“Every time you put on one of your special outfits you will remember just how special you are, and easily slip into your role. Its so easy to put on your new persona even as you transform yourself physically into your most beautiful self…”

She went on for a bit and I could feel the words taking hold as she would pause occasionally and remind me to keep breathing…keep relaxing…and to go deeper down. On a few occasions, she would say something that would irritate or bother me…some suggestion or command that just didn’t work for me. When she began to talk about the roles of the mistress and servant, and how the servant should enjoy being treated I found myself tensing up. To me, the game was a fun diversion, but I really didn’t want to believe or act the way she was suggesting. She obviously sensed my agitation and began taking things in a new direction.

“Just relaxing and breathing…you can choose to accept the suggestions I give you and make them a part of your inner self, or you can just let those ideas float around in your mind until you are ready to accept them…everything you want to accept now you will accept now, and anything else will just float away in your mind until you are ready to accept them deep down inside.”

And she drew me back down, even deeper than before. Her words were so relaxing and she repeatedly told me to enjoy the experience of hypnosis. Enjoy being hypnotized because it is perfectly safe…She even had me create a huge safe with a combination lock on it to store all my objections and reasons for resisting in…And once I had filled it with my doubts and fears and objections, she had me lock it and push it as far back in my mind as it would go so it would be kept safe until I need it again.

And then she just started repeating the same themes over and over…

“Enjoy the feeling of being hypnotized.”

“Enjoy the sound of my voice.”

“Relax more and more.”

“You always enjoy having sex with me.”

“Oral sex is especially exciting and fulfilling.”

“You love the rush of power you get when you perform oral sex on others.”

“You love how wonderful it feels to have someone please you orally.”

“Relax, going down…relax and enjoy the experience.”

And things went on like that while I floated in relaxation…a warm pleasant tingling filling my body…as my wife took me to a place in my mind I never even imagined was there.

“And when I reach the number 5 you will open your eyes, wide awake…feeling wonderful…and eager to explore any new feelings or ideas you have received. You will find, as you wake up that much of this session feels just like a dream…and like a dream you can just let it drift away and just remember what you need to remember. Just let things drift away as you wake up and the suggestions take root so deep you don’t even notice them.

5. Coming back up to yourself, slowly rising as the dream drifts away.
4. Feeling more and more awake as your body starts to awaken.
3. Gently moving your arms and legs as you come closer to awakening.
2. Almost awake…almost ready to open your eyes
1. Open your eyes…feeling wonderful”

I opened my eyes and truly felt more alive than I had in years. My beautiful wife was looking at me smiling, and to my eyes she looked so much more beautiful than I had ever seen her (I vaguely remember her saying something about that…and try to grab on that suggestion.) Before I had a chance to really think on that, or to consider any of the other suggestions she had made, she promptly unzipped my pants and winked at me.

“I did promise you many blow jobs and much sex, didn’t I?”

Then she proceeded to give me an epic blow job that had me panting and moaning in pleasure. All thoughts of hypnosis, post hypnotic commands and anything remotely related to resisting her grand plan just melted away as she showed me just how talented she could be when motivated.

Saturday passed in a blur. She would hypnotize me for anywhere from minutes to hours, wake me up and sex my brains out. Rest a bit. And repeat. She called it an intensive session…I guess that is about as close to the truth as possible. I didn’t understand it all at the time, but she was apparently using sex to both distract me from resisting her commands and to anchor said commands to a pleasurable outcome. In other words she was manipulating me with great sex so I would let her get her hypnotic hooks in good and tight.

Sunday found us sitting at the table, enjoying a quick lunch. She had already hypnotized me at least a couple of times that morning (I say at least because at this point I could no longer tell how many). I was both shocked and slightly nervous about the fact that she could at this point, basically zonk me out any time she wanted. Every time I looked at her, I found myself amazed at just how sexy she was…it was like how I used to look at her when we first met, but about five times more intense.

I have to admit, the sheer power and potency of the hypnosis sessions was a bit scary, so that may be why I misinterpreted what happened next.

“I think we should go shopping for a few things.” She said.

I froze, suddenly feeling a spike of fear. Ever since she started planning the game I had gone looking at various web sites related to femdom and cross-dressing. Didn’t they always wind up with the husband going on a humiliating shopping trip en femme? Had I trusted her too much with the hypnosis thing? Was she going to try and take me down the same road as all those husband hating wives did in the stories? Was my destiny to become her sissy maid who serviced some crude barbarian she decided was more manly than me? I felt my thoughts begin to spiral out of control as my mind began to come up with worse and worse scenarios.

She obviously sensed something was wrong by my expression. “What’s wrong?” she asked concerned.

I turned away, trying to think of something to say.

She reached out and grabbed my hand gently. “Tell me.” She said soothingly.

I don’t know whether it was some post hypnotic suggestion, or just the concern in her voice.

I blurted out everything about where my thoughts were going.

Her face cycled through several emotions as I watched her…surprise, anger, a hint of guilt? And finally settled on sadness. “I know this game is not as easy for you as it is for me, but I would NEVER try to destroy or publicly humiliate you like that. Please, no matter what happens, never doubt that I love you and want you to be happy.”

Then she scowled at me. “Besides, I wasn’t even talking about that type of shopping…I just meant we need some groceries.”

—

The rest of the weekend and the following week went by quickly. She would hypnotize me every night after we got home from work, and every morning she would wake me up early for a quick session. She also kept up the trend of post-hypnotic sex I had grown accustomed to. I noticed several changes in my behavior over the week, though most were minor or unconcerning.

One thing I noticed was that I felt much more confident in myself, much more comfortable in my own skin. Thinking about dressing up didn’t fill me with that slight hint of shame or discomfort I had grown used to…instead I just felt content with all aspects of myself. I also felt more in control at work, taking charge of the various tasks given to me and making things happen the way they should. Another change I noted was a growing desire to understand hypnosis better. When I wasn’t having brain scrambling sex or mind twisting hypnosis sessions, I found myself reading the various hypnosis books she had brought home.

I also noticed how things were changing with how I viewed my wife. She was quickly becoming something so much more than just a woman in my eyes. Every time I thought of her, I would become aroused. The sound of her voice, the touch of her hand on mine, the smell of her scent. It was all so captivating. If she were to ask me to crawl and lick the dirt off her shoe, I would have done it and thanked her for the privilege. I still don’t understand the hows and whys of it, but I could tell that she was taking me to places I never dreamed existed within myself…and I found myself caring less and less about just how much control I had sacrificed to her.

One major thing I noticed was the growing changes in my sexual tastes that were becoming apparent as the week stretched on. In the prior years of our being a couple, sex had always been pretty straight forward and direct. We didn’t play any sex games, or really do anything other than straight sex. Oral sex was never something she offered eagerly or requested, so until a few weeks ago it was about as common as an eclipse. The idea of anal sex had never come up, and I honestly believed it was one of those rare sexual acts that other people do…but I would never enjoy. Now suddenly I felt a growing craving to explore all aspects of sex. I wanted to taste her sweet juices, to lick her until she moaned in ecstasy. I wanted to take her from behind and really enjoy her sexually in every way she desired. I don’t know what the specific suggestions she was giving me were, but I could definitely feel she was introducing a whole new kink to our relationship.

—

Friday rolled around and I found myself eagerly waiting for our next hypnosis session. I was beginning to face the fact that I was addicted to hypnosis (and the associated sex). I was surprised when instead of having me sit on the couch, she had me take the chair and instead took the couch for herself. She handed me several pieces of paper and told me to look over them.

I looked at the paper she gave me, slightly puzzled as I read through them. After a few minutes I understood that this was a hypnosis induction and some suggestions for me to give to her. Apparently she was serious about us doing reciprocal hypnosis sessions, and it was my turn to be in the driver’s seat.

“Feel free to add any other suggestions you find appealing” She told me. “I trust you.”

“Just remember that anything you suggest related to the game needs to be in keeping with our character roles, no cheating.” She added firmly.

I nodded in compliance to her request.

I finished reading through all her proposed suggestions, but noticed there was something missing…something I wanted to replicate in her sessions.

“What suggestions did you use to increase my attraction to you? I don’t see anything like that in what you proposed for me to use on you.”

Andrea looked at me puzzled. “I didn’t give you any suggestions like that.”

She frowned for a minute in thought.

“Maybe it was a side effect from the other suggestions I gave. To trust in my love for you and know that I find you attractive in any role you play. To be confident that I will always love you and take care of you and make your happiness my own.”

I nodded and jotted down a similar set of suggestions for her session.

Finally I settled nervously in the chair getting ready to begin.

“Relax,” She told me smugly. “I have been coaching you all week to be a natural at hypnotizing people. You have been picking up all types of tricks and techniques every time I hypnotized you, without even realizing it.”

With her showing an absolute confidence in my ability and trust in my integrity, it didn’t take me long to get in the swing of things. It turns out, hypnotizing someone is pretty easy if they are willing to work with you (and sometimes even if not…but that’s another story.) In almost no time I had her deeply relaxed as I repeated suggestions of breathing, relaxing and letting go. And somehow based on some instinct, real or implanted, I knew when to make hypnotic suggestions…and when to go back to guiding her deeper into relaxation.

As I continued the session I felt a rush of pleasure growing as I continued to take her deep inside and make changes that would transform our lives forever. It was at that moment that I knew both a bone tingling fear and a sense of profound power…with this much influence I could do anything. For a few minutes my dark side began to rear its ugly head as I considered all the ways I could take advantage…and then I remembered how much I loved her and slapped my inner Palpatine upside the head.

In the end most of my suggestions were about feeling confident and finding happiness in all aspects of her life. I also threw in some suggestions about the role of the dominant and submissive in our relationship and how enjoyable it was to be mistress and slave girl. I wound up having to repeat those suggestions several times, because I wasn’t as into the roles as she was, and I think she could pick up on my lack of conviction. Finally I added in some of the same sexual craving type suggestions she had given me…she would enjoy all forms of sex, and eagerly allow our sexual activities to extend beyond vanilla sex.

Eventually, after a long session of repeating deepening commands, followed by suggestions I reached a point where I thought it felt right to bring her out of the session and stop for the night. Seeing the peaceful, satisfied look on her face as she came back to consciousness, I did the only thing appropriate based on past sessions. I gently eased down her panties and parted her legs, and began licking before she could really think about the session or consider any alternatives. Her moans and screams of pleasure were all I needed to know things were going well.