Almost Perfect

Hello, this story is meant as a sequel for Brian Katchers novel Almost Perfect, so I guess it only makes sense if you’re familiar with the original story. The story is told from Logans POV. Constructive criticism is always welcome. I’m not a native English speaker, so please excuse any grammatical or other possible errors. Let me know if you like it and if you want to read more of it. Thank you very much!

Chapter 1

The campus had become deserted, with everybody seeking refuge inside the dormitories and communal buildings, as a thick layer of snow covered everything outside and the wind had become chilly. Winter Break would start tomorrow and my older sister Laura and I would go back to Boyer for Christmas. Jack, with whom I shared a room on campus, would also accompany us back to our tiny hometown to be with his family during the holidays.
I don’t know how to feel about going back home. It had only been a few months since I left Boyer to go to college at Mizzou’ in Columbia, but to me it seemed like eternity, a completely different life. It had only been a few months the last time I had seen Sage. I wondered what she was doing, and if she was thinking about me. I wondered if she was still a she. I hoped she was.

As I was loading our bags in the trunk of our truck, Laura looked at me with concern in her face and said: “Logan, I’m sorry it didn’t work out between you and Megan, and I know it sounds lame, but there are many fish in the sea, so don’t worry, you’ll find another one.” Megan was a girl I attended the same classes with and had dated a couple of times. She seemed pretty nice, but she sensed that I had something on my mind and as I wouldn’t share my concerns and thoughts with her she thought it was the best if we would just end it there. And I think she was right.
She wasn’t the only girl I tried dating with, but curiously Ebony was immune to her roommates charming little brother. As I sat behind the steering wheel and started the engine, I grunted: “Honestly I’m not interested in the other fishes in the sea.” “You’re still thinking about her, aren’t you?” remarked Laura. Everybody in the car knew who was meant by ‘her’. Jack, who sat in the middle of the truck between Laura and me, asked: “Are you ever going to tell me what happened between you and Sage?” I sighed: “Look Jack, I don’t know if Sage would appreciate everybody to know, it’s personal. I would like to tell you, but I can’t, maybe one day.” I can’t say if the reason I didn’t told him was that I didn’t want him to know that my ex was actually born a boy or if I really wanted to respect Sages privacy. Maybe both. Eventually, I had to tell him, he’s my friend after all. Laura shot me a knowing look.

During the rest of the trip nobody spoke, and I was fine with that. I couldn’t stop thinking about Sage.
Mom seemed happy to have both her kids back home during the holidays. Actually we didn’t see much of her because she worked both the lunch and dinner shift. Even though both Laura and I had found a job on campus, she still thinks she has to work double shifts for us. But she insisted on preparing a real dinner for us for Christmas Eve, in honor of her two college kids.

I was picking at the turkey on my plate. Mom looked at me and asked: “How’s it going at college?” “Well, lots of studying…and sometimes it’s pretty hard being stuck in a room with Jack, but I knew where I was getting myself into.” She stopped eating and frowned: “Logan, you seemed so distant the last days, is everything okay?” I hate it when mom asks this question. I sighed: “Yeah mom, everything’s okay, don’t worry, I was just thinking about some…thing.” “Well okay. By the way, I wanted to tell you, I saw Mister Hendricks and his wife.” I let fall my fork and stared at her: “What?! Where? Why? ...Was Sage there too?” I was shocked. I thought I would never hear of Sage or her family again. And know my mother tells me she met them, here, in Boyer! “No, Sage wasn’t there, it was only her parents. They came to the diner for lunch. They said they only came back to move the last things out of their house.” I tried to calm my nerves down: “Did they tell you where they moved to?” “They said they moved to a suburb of Saint Louis.” “Oh my God”, I couldn’t believe it, “that’s not that far away! I … I have to go there, I have to see her!” Laura frowned: Logan, calm down, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. “Why?” I shouted back, way too loud. “I mean, did you forget what happened? I think seeing you again is the last thing she wants right know.” “No, I have to talk to her, just one last time, to sort everything out between us.” Mom smashed some more potatoes on my plate and said: “Okay, but for now you eat, it’s Christmas after all. I already regret I told you about it…”

I pulled up in front of the house where Sage was supposed to live with her family. Laura had half-heartedly agreed to lend me the truck. I had to do a little research in order to find Sages correct address, and I felt a little bit like I was some weird stalker. Her house was a typical two story building painted in a light blue in the northern suburbs of Saint Louis. Now I wasn’t so sure anymore if seeing Sage again was a good idea. What was I going to tell her? Laura was probably right, she surely didn’t want to see me. And how would I react if she had really ‘gone back’ to being a boy? I didn’t want to see that.

But I just knew I had to talk to her. After everything that happened between us, it couldn’t end this way. Maybe I could talk her out of that nonsense of being a man. Maybe I could get her back. Show that she can trust me, that I care about her and that I … love her. I had to admit to myself that I didn’t want to live without her in my life.

I exited the car, crossed the street and walked up the front porch. I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.

End of the first chapter

Chapter 2

The door opened after a few moments. It was Tammi, Sages little sister. She breathed in sharply and stared at me, her eyes wide open. She came one step closer, looked behind her and then back at me and whisper-shouted: “What are YOU doing here?!” I smiled sheepishly and answered: “Well, I see you’re happy to see me again. Won’t you invite me in?” “Logan, be serious, what do you want?! And how did you found out where we live?!” I stood straight and said: “I’m here because I want to see Sage, I have to talk to her.” “Are you completely out of your mind?! You are crazy! She doesn’t want to see you!” She looked behind her, than back at me and continued: “Besides, she doesn’t live here . . . anymore. Actually she moved to . . . Japan. So go now and never come back!” She tried to push me out of the doorway and close the door, but just at that moment, I heard a voice call her name: “Tammi?! What’s going on there, who’s at the door?” Her voice. She came down the stairs who were adjacent to the door.

The moment she saw me, she stopped at the bottom of the staircase. Now it was my turn to breathe in sharply and stare eyes wide open. She wore blue jeans and a green sweater. And her hair had grown again, down to her shoulders. Her lips were painted with a bright red lipstick. She just looked at me, her face emotionless, thus not revealing what she thought. “Sage . . . I . . .” I stumbled, not remembering what I wanted to say. She came a bit closer and said: “Logan?” “Yes, yes it’s me!” I answered stupidly, like if she wouldn’t recognize me. She sighed: “Logan, you shouldn’t have come.” Seems she wasn’t happy to see me either. I tried to regain my composure. “I wanted to see you! I received your letter. I had to see you again. After everything that happened, it couldn’t end that way.” Tammi, still standing in the doorway, looked back between Sage and me. She said, looking at me: “See, she doesn’t want to see you!” She tried to close the door again but Sage stopped her: “Let him in.” Tammi stared at her: “What?! You’re . . . you’re sure?” “Yes, don’t worry, it’s okay.” “Okay.” Tammi shot me one last look that should have killed me, then turned and went back upstairs.

Sage made me a sign to follow her and went into the living room. I recognized some of the furniture from back when they lived in Boyer. I sat down on the couch. She sat next to me, making sure there would be enough space between the two of us. She didn’t look at me and stared ahead, focusing on nothing in particular. Finally she spoke: “I thought I would never see you again.” “Well, you’re happy I’m here now?” I tried, smiling. She looked down to the floor and answered: “I don’t know.” A tear ran down her cheek and suddenly she started crying. I awkwardly laid my arm around her shoulders. I never know what to do when someone starts crying, but I wanted to comfort her. She laid her head on my chest and I wrapped both my arms around her and held her tight. God why did she have to smell so good?

“Oh Logan . . . I missed you.” That didn’t sound too bad. I held her closer to me. “I missed you too. I’m so happy I got you finally back. I won’t let you go away again.” She pulled away from me: “What are you talking about?” I looked at her, missing the touch of her skin on mine. “Well, I’m here because I want you back. We should never have broken up.” She starred at me, her mouth open: “Want me back? Should never have broken up? Logan, you seem to have forgotten that you’re the one that broke up with me!” “Yes, I know, and it’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. But that’s the reason why I’m here, to make things right again!” Sage sighed: “And you think you can simply come to my house, after I asked you to forget me, and that afterwards I’ll forgive you and take you back?!” I didn’t know what to answer. “No, I . . . I thought you missed me?” Sage closed her eyes: “Yes I did, but we’re better off apart. After everything you said, it’s really hard to hear that from a boy you lo . . . like. And I don’t need a boyfriend who backs away every time things get a little harsh.”

I knew she was right, but I wanted to show her that I had changed. That she could trust me, not only as a friend, but as her boyfriend. That, from now on, I would stand by her side, no matter what. But I realized that I’d said that many times before.

“I know that I’ve acted like a jerk, but I’ve changed! I tried to forget you, but I can’t! I want, I need you in my life! Let me show you that you can trust me.” “I’m not ready to take that risk Logan, I got hurt once and I don’t want that to happen again. We tried and we failed, that’s life.” She buried her face into her hands. I sighed. I looked her over again. “I see you didn’t grow into a man.” “No, I didn’t.” “Last time we saw each other you said you would go back to ‘being a boy’.” She laid back on the couch: “I can’t. Even if tried to, even if I really wanted to, I couldn’t. I’m not a boy.” “I know, I told you. And I’m glad you’re not.” She smiled sadly: “What would you have done if you had come here and found me as a boy? Would you have asked me back nevertheless?” “You’re not a boy, you’re a girl” I answered. “A few months ago, you said something else . . .”

Sage asked me about my life at Mizzou and how everyone was going back in Boyer. She told me that she had decided not to go to college because she didn’t felt safe anymore. Most of the time she stayed home. Her parents had finally decided to let her live her life like she decided to, and apparently her father held himself responsible for everything what had happened. We stayed in the living room, talking on the couch until her parents came home from work.
Her father didn’t seem pleased to find me inside his living room, but at least he didn’t kick me out of his house. It was starting to get late and I had to ride all the way back to Boyer. But I didn’t want to leave Sage and I doubted that her father would allow me to stay with them. So I asked Sage if she wanted to come with me to Boyer so we could celebrate the New Year together, in honor of the good old times. Well, anyways.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea Logan.” I took her hand into mine: “Come on, it would be fun! I have to go back to college at the end of the week anyways. And don’t lie, you can’t wait to see my trailer again!” Sage frowned. I continued: “Oh come on, don’t you want to see Jack and Tom again? And I’m sure it would do you some good to get out of this house a little bit.” “I think you should go” said Sages father. He stood by the doorway to the living room. I was stunned. Why would he say that? He leaned against the wall: “He’s right, you should get out of here. I don’t like to see you cloistered inside your room. It will do you some good to change a little bit of air.” Sage smiled a weak smile: “Well, I guess I’ll come along then.”

I waited downstairs for Sage to get her stuff. When we will be back in Boyer, I’d convince her to go to college. Maybe I could even talk her into attending Mizzou. And there I’ll show her that she can trust me and that I’m the man she needs.

End of chapter 2

Chapter 3

It was nearly 9 P.M. as I parked the truck in front of our old trailer. I climbed out of the truck, and Laura stormed out of the only door of the trailer and exclaimed:
“There you are! I thought you’d never come back!”
The moment Sage got out of the car, Laura’s smile faded. Mom appeared behind her. I closed the space between Sage and me, laid my arm on her shoulders and said:
“I invited Sage over to stay with us for New Year!”
After a few seconds, Mom broke the silence and said with a broad smile:
“Of course! I’m happy to see you again, Sage! Please, come on in, it’s cold outside, I’ll fix us something for dinner.”

As we all gathered inside the small living room, Laura still hadn’t said a word. She stood near the doorway, shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other and looked down to the floor.
“Sage, I . . .,” she stammered, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean . . .”
“Don’t apologize,” Sage interrupted her, “it’s not your fault, you only meant to protect your little brother, I understand.”
Now I felt bad, Sage was right. It wasn’t Laura’s fault, neither Sages, I was the one who screwed everything up. Laura still stood by the doorway, but now she looked up, straight into Sages eyes:
“No . . . I should have talked to you, I should have known that you wouldn’t lie to Logan.”
Sage smiled:
“Let’s just forget about it, I really don’t want to be reminded of the past.”
“Logan honey, could you get the dishes,” asked Mom, “dinner is ready!”

° ° °

Sage sat next to me and Jack in front of us at McDonalds. It was December the 31st and we were invited to a party with some of our old classmates from our senior year in High School. Sage didn’t feel like going to a party with many people and I was happy to oblige. Actually I was looking forward to spend some time alone with her for New Year’s Eve. We had the trailer for ourselves as my mom worked at the diner till 3 PM (yeah, I know, but she was paid double that night and ‘we did really need the money’) and Laura spent the night over at a friend’s house.

“Sage, you should really come to Mizzou’, it’s so sweet, and you’d have the time of your life!” he chimed, jumping up and down and shifting on the bench he was sitting on. Sage smirked and said:
“Gee, I don’t know . . .”
“Why not?,” Jack interrupted her “you can do it! If I remember correctly, you had pretty good grades back in High School! Come on, baby, don’t you wanna make somethin’ out of your life? College is a step towards earning a lot of money, or better world rule! Besides, there’s a smart and handsome guy you know who is attending the same college, and Logan’s there too!”
Sage laughed and I kicked his leg with my foot under the table. She held up her hands and said:
“Ok, ok, I’m going to think about it.”

°°°
In a dazzling, life bursting metropolis like Boyer, New Year’s Eve is always highly agitated. Most of the time, the temperatures are so low and snow lays so high that’s almost impossible to stay outside, so except for a few fireworks at midnight, everybody stays inside.

I sat on the couch, already at my third beer. Sage sat next to me, her legs up on the couch, her arms wrapped around her legs and her head resting on her knees. I asked her:
“So, what do you think, you’re going to college?”
She sighed: “I don’t know. I would really like to, but I don’t think I’m ready for that, I don’t feel safe.”
I looked at her and said: “I think Jack’s right, though. You should come to Mizzou. At least, there are people who know you and you’re little . . . secret. I would protect you, if you need it.”
She turned her head and looked at me: “Would you really do that?”
I touched her hand and answered: “Yes, I will. You can trust me.”

Suddenly, she looked at her watch, smiled and said:
“Happy new year, college boy.”
Outside, we heard some people laughing and shouting and the explosions of fireworks. Sage stood up and watched them from the window. I looked at her and how her face was illuminated in different colors from the fireworks. I thought about how beautiful she was and that I wanted to kiss her.

I stood up behind her and wrapped my arms around her. I kissed her neck, and encouraged by the fact that she didn’t pull or push me away, I turned her around and kissed her on the mouth. And it was just wonderful. I felt all light in my head and stomach. I took her by her hand and we went into my bedroom.

° ° °

The next morning, I was happy that mum didn’t say anything after she saw Sage and I coming out of my room. I was pretty sure though she knew what had happened last night, but she knew I wouldn’t get Sage pregnant, even if I tried very hard. Although I wasn’t opposed to try it some more.
Sage needed to get back home so after breakfast we both climbed into the truck and we were on our way back to Saint Louis. The ride was quiet and Sage didn’t speak much, somehow she seemed to quiet and distant.

After I parked the car in front of her house I couldn’t stand it any longer and burst out:
“What is bothering you, why don’t you talk anymore? Did I do something wrong?” I needed to know.
“No, Logan, but this was a mistake.”
I stared at her: “What was a mistake?” But I already knew the answer.
She inhaled deeply and looked at me: “Everything Logan, Just everything. That you came to my house, that I went back with you to Boyer, what we did last night. You should have just left me alone! That’s just too hard for me, we can never be together.”

I couldn’t believe my ears: “Of course we can be together! Sage, I mean I . . . I love you, Goddamn! Can’t you see that? I told you that I don’t want to live without you!”
Tears welled up in her eyes: “I really want to believe you, but I can’t! How could I trust you after everything what happened? Would you really stand by my side if anybody would find out about me being transgender, at college, for example? I’m sorry Logan, but I’m not ready to take that risk again!” She climbed out of the car and walked back into her house.

I punched my fist against the steering wheel in anger. I wasn’t mad at her, but at myself because I knew she was right. I understood why she wouldn’t or couldn’t trust me again. But I loved her, like I had never loved a woman before. Before I thought that Brenda was the girl of my dreams but that was nothing compared to what I felt for Sage.

Before, I would have done anything to get Brenda back, but she didn’t want me. Before, Sage wanted me but I did anything I could to push her away. But now that I wanted her, it seemed like it was too late. And it was all my fault and I deserved it. Sage sure deserved better than me, but I was selfish and I didn’t want to let her go.

End of Chapter 3.

Chapter 4

I returned to MU for the start of spring semester. The temperatures were still low outside but it hadn’t snowed a few days in a row, the sun was shining and no clouds were to be seen in the blue sky.

During our drive back to Columbia I told Laura everything what had happened between me and Sage. Except that I had slept with her, she’s my sister but she doesn’t need to know EVERY detail. Jack had returned to Columbia one day earlier with a friend to attend some frat party, so we had the car to ourselves.

Laura said I should give Sage some time to readjust and eventually she would come back to me. I wasn’t so sure about that. Maybe Sage was right and we were better off apart. Still, I hoped we could somehow remain friends and stay in touch. I wanted desperately to talk to her but I didn’t know what to say.

°°°
Back on campus I decided to move on and try to forget Sage. I started dating again. Her name was Melissa. She was pleasant to look at, with long, almost black hair and brown eyes and she was easy going. It was nice spending time with her. She was a friend of Bree, a tall, small-chested but funny girl Jack was dating that moment.

Melissa and I were dating on a regular basis and I hoped she could help me forget Sage and move on. We went along well. Sometimes I constantly compared her to Sage and I didn’t like that. Here I was with another girl and still I couldn’t stop thinking about her. And although I liked her, I had to admit I would rather be with Sage.

Of course I had sex with her (hey, I’m an 18 year old straight male after all). During the act, I found myself thinking about Sage again. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t as satisfying as I hoped it would be. I missed Sages soft skin, her lips and her smell.

°°°
But eventually, Sage came back into my life. She had sent me an e-mail:

Dear Logan,

I wanted to apologize for my behavior last Christmas. You were only being nice to me and I pushed you away. I’m sorry and I hope you can forgive me. I hope we can still be friends.

There it was. She wants us to be friends. Oh man.

But I have great news. You and Jack convinced me that I have to make something out of my life and not cloister myself inside my house. I got accepted at MU and will be starting there in the course of spring semester! I can’t wait to start and see my college boy in action.

Love,

Sage

I smiled, but inwardly I didn’t know if I should be happy or sad. Of course I was looking forward to spend some time with the girl I loved. On the other hand it would make it even harder to move on with my life. Was I okay with just being ‘friends’ with Sage?

°°°
During the month of February, Sage moved in to Hatch Hall and enrolled the School of Journalism. She had decided to not pay extra for a single room and moved in with a girl from Korea named Kwan. Sage had talked to the college administration and they had revealed to be very supportive, as they allowed her to register as female.

Like I had expected, she didn’t take long to make herself at ease and make friends. It seemed that she was attracting the people around her. From time to time, we would spend some time together, but not as much as I liked we would. But I didn’t want to run after her like some desperate and lonely little boy.
During that time, Melissa and I continued to date. I didn’t know if Sage was seeing somebody and I didn’t dare to ask. I tried to convince myself that it was none of my business, but I really hoped she wasn’t.

One particularly sunny day, I went outside for a walk around the campus. And there I saw her with some guy. He had short brown hair, was wearing a football jacket and held a football in his hands. What a brag! He was playing with the football in his hands and smiling while Sage talked to him.
I immediately knew that he was up to no good. What did he want from Sage? What did he think who he was? I had to warn her about his doubtful intentions. As her friend, it was my duty to protect her from that guy, or any other boy for that matter.

I must have looked like a maniac, standing a few feet from them and watching them.
I waited till the guy went away, then marched towards Sage.

“Who was that guy?” I barked, maybe showing a little too much how irritated I was.

“What a lovely day, Logan! It’s nice to see you too!” she said and smiled at me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, scratching the back of my head, “I just wondered who that guy was you were talking to.”

“His name is Brad. I met him in a bar a few days ago.” she responded.

I snorted. “Oh, you met him in a bar, mmmh? Listen, I think you should stay away from that Brad guy.”

“Why? You don’t know him. He’s a nice guy. I think you would like him too.” she said.

“Well, I don’t think so. Look, he’s up to no good, I can see it in his eyes! You have to be careful, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Logan, don’t worry, I’m a big girl, I know what I’m doing. He’s a nice guy and we’re just friends. He never tried anything on me, and even if he would, I’d blow him off. I think you’re just being jealous!” she said and giggled.

“Of course I’m jealous!” I cried, the words exiting my mouth before I realized what I’d said. “I mean . . . it’s just that I think you should be more careful. I’m worried about you and I’m not always there to protect you!”

She giggled. “Yeah, right! If you wanna be my personal bodyguard, I’m okay with that. But I won’t pay you!”

I sighed. “Please, just be careful. Like I said, I don’t want you to get hurt, or worse. I don’t want you to disappear again. I missed you, you know. A lot.”

She moved her hand through my hair, messing it up and grinned. “I missed you too;”

°°°
Afterwards, we both became closer again and started hanging out together more often. I had really missed how she made me feel when she was around and how funny she could be. It made happy to see her happy again and that she was enjoying being at college. I could tell Jack too was happy that he had her back.

Everything seemed much easier since we had decided going back too just being friends. All the tensions, problems and worries seemed to have disappeared.

Well, almost.

Because she is a beautiful girl and was attracting too much attention from the opposite gender. She always tried to play it down and told me those guys were only friends. But I knew better. I saw how they treated her, how they looked at her, and it made me sick.

I knew I shouldn’t be jealous. We weren’t a couple anymore and I was dating someone else. But I couldn’t stand the thought to see her in someone else’s arms.

Nobody knows how these ‘charming’ boys would have reacted if they ever found out about Sages secret. I vividly remembered how I had almost hit her after she had told me. I shuddered.

I had to be by her side and protect her.

There was something else that bothered me. That asshole that had put Sage in the hospital was still somewhere on campus. More than 30.000 students are attending MU, so chances are big that they might never meet again, or that that creep wouldn’t recognize her. But I couldn’t and didn’t want to accept that he would get away with what he had done.

End of chapter 4

Hello, I hope you enjoyed the story so far! So, what do you think, are Sage and Logan made for each other or are they better off apart?
I think they are a sweet couple with a complicated past...
Thank you so much to all those people who take the time to read my story!
xoxo Amber