While I’m at work, I’ve been thinking about the story I’m working on. I’ll come up with several good ideas, and when I get home I write them so I don’t forget. Only problem is it’s every-other chapter.

I need to write chapter 4, but I’ve already written chapter 5. Afterwards, I’ll still need to write chapter 6, and I’ve already written chapter 7. I can’t skip chapter 4 & 6 or the story won’t have good continuity. This is the first time it’s happened to me. Normally I have a rough idea of what I want to happen in 3-5 chapters and trudge my way there. These well polished alternate chapters.

Just curious if this happens to anyone else. Now that I’ve put my good ideas on paper maybe I can focus on chapter 4 lol. Thanks for reading my rant and look forward to hearing from you.

The full story…

Chapter 2 of Eldertale will be delayed. I’ve been very busy with work and haven’t had time to do quality writing. Instead, I’ve been working on fleshing out the lore. I plan to post chapter 2 and hopefully chapter 3 between October 8th and October 12th when I get some time off.

---

However, it’s not all bad news…

1. The book Eldertale (featuring Alexa) has been renamed to ‘The Elementalist’ since I plan to add two other stories to the Eldertale universe. They will be ‘The Druid’ and ‘The Crimson Sorcerer’ whose story will be connected to Alexa’s

 

2. The lore surrounding Eldertale has been greatly expanded. This should help the universe be more consistent and increase the depth of secondary characters

 

3. I plan to share the lore of Eldertale once more of the details are polished. It will not be necessary to read since anything important to the story will be described within the story, but it may be interesting to the following people:
    
   
   1. People that like reading the lore of games/books
   2. People that want to know exactly how some things work since it’d be too much exposition to describe within the story
   3. Authors that wish to write stories set in the Eldertale universe

---

A couple notes:

1. The lore should be published sometime before October 8th, but will be subject to addition or revision until any specific part is used within the story

 

2. Although I have some ideas percolating, I am not mentioning anything that will apply to only after ‘the apocalypse’ to avoid spoilers

 

3. If you do want to write a story within the Eldertale universe please message me
    
   
   1. There are three continents Wespero, Ausustre, and Forlarren
   2. My stories will primarily take place in Ausustre, the Eastern continent. So if you want more freedom I’d recommend you use Wespero, the western continent. You may not use Forlarren, the central continent, without explicit permission since it’s special
   3. I will not give permission until I get further with ‘The Elementalist’ and get the other two started. It should help give you an idea of how the world works post-apocalypse
   4. Once the above condition is met, if you choose to write within the Eldertale universe, message me your idea and I’ll probably agree, just give a shot-out at the top/bottom of your chapter

---

 

I'm sorry I don't have a good explanation for the delay. I won't give excuses you likely don't care about, instead I'll give you these few token while I craft the next few chapters of Kronos.

1) Everything I publish on this site will either be non-fiction, which will be declared in the summary and feature my best research, or it'll be fiction which is most of what I write, but will still honor historical accuracy and scientific literacy to the extent of my ability

2) Everything I publish on this site can be considered a free early draft of any story I may go on to publish later

3) I have been working on Kronos and a secret project I do not wish to share at this time so hopefully I can publish 1-2 chapters this year

4) I will not publish any new stories or universe's until I make progress on one of my existing 4 IPs (Kronos, The Elementalist, Purgatory, or Synergy)

5) For what it's worth, I still have 3 chapters of Kronos rough drafted, so hopefully I can publish at least one new chapter before the end of the year. I also will make my New Year's Resolution to at least publish 2 chapters of Synergy by 2022. Can't swear these goals will come true, but I'll do my best to make it happen for you

I think it just happened again! I was writing chapter 2 of Kronos when my keyboard stopped working. I tried typing in other places besides word, but it wasn’t doing anything. I went to turn off my computer and then the mouse froze. I tried doing a hard reset (holding the power button) and it didn’t do anything either. After a few minutes my laptop turned off, but the power button is staying lit and won’t do anything when I press it.

I really hope it comes back, but I’m skeptical. If it really is dead then this will put my writing on hold until I can get another one. If I had to give a rough eta it could take a month to replace it. I’m a truck driver so I’m rarely home to receive my packages and the laptop I’m planning to get is on a 3-week backorder.

At least I published part of my research like 10mins earlier :|

Edit: I ordered a new computer that should arrive May 10, hopefully I can get it and get back to my stories soon after.

I'm glad to report I've nearly finished working on my New Year's gift to you. Unfortunately, I didn't finish it in time to post on New Year's nor is it one of my fiction works I imagine most of you would rather read.

I've been working on a moderately sized work that gives some investment and financial information that may be helpful to some. It covers the basics from calculating expenses and creating a budget, gives some potential career advice if you are earning a low wage and want to move into a new profession while getting paid for training, and the more complicated investing advice.

Currently it is mostly written (~75%), but needs to be polished and I need to collect some information to replace the xyz placeholders. Lastly, I need to collect some charts for visualizations and some screenshots to show how to read bid-ask spreads and options contracts.

As for the investing strategies it starts with the assumption that you don't know anything beyond there is a stock market and gradually works-up to more complicated strategies like Covered Calls, Credit Spreads, and Iron Condors.

Hopefully this is something they'll let me post here and at least a few of you will find useful.

With love,
Aurum

P.S. if an admin reads this, feel free to comment or PM me if you have concerns. I've included some legal disclaimers in the document, but if you want to review it before I post or outright ban it, just let me know.

The Elementalist

With the advent of true virtual reality, Alex escaped into the hyper-realistic world of Eldertale. For he had always wanted to be a woman, but never had the confidence to transition. So what happens when the world he loves comes to an end?

Copyright © 2019 Aurum; All Rights Reserved

---

A young boy sets out on an adventure that would last a lifetime; he hoped it'd be a pleasant journey that lasted for eternity. He traveled for years without any woes; that is, until he reached the crossroads.

To his left was a path that looked mighty fine; to his right was a trail obscured by vines. He'd long since heard to take the path less traveled by; but before he went right, a hidden path caught his eye.

Below the cliff was a perfect place he could spend forever; he'd have gone if the leap felt just a little safer. The landing was surrounded by jagged rocks; and so soon in his journey, he was not crafty like the mighty fox.

Stricken with fear he lost his nerve; the boy was quick to run for the safest fern. Without even noticing, he'd gone far down the fine path; filled with remorse the boy forgot how to laugh.

Although this path was so easy to follow; each day caused him to feel ever more hollow. After far too long he tried to return; only to realize each step caused the way to burn.

However, the boy would not be dissuaded; so he circled far and wide growing more frustrated. He wandered so long he lost all sense of direction; but he kept hoping to see the way if he continued with his careful inspection.

The search lasted years until the boy met a guru; the wise-man said was already too late to undo. The boy asked, "How can I keep going down the path I never wanted?" The man only said, "It beats standing here feeling haunted."

Since that day he keeps going, but with eyes so dead he looks like a wraith; his only respite are dreams of what could be if he'd taken the leap of faith. But even so, the boy continues his lifelong ordeal; he walks towards the hope that another cliff is just beyond that hill.

---

Bonus Poem: So They Say...

Dwelling on the past is a recipe to live in misery; but is it not better to grow wise than live in serenity? Just know that regret is a poison for the mind; but you should tell that to my reflection reminding me of mistakes made long behind.

You must accept what cannot be changed; but the consequences leave me feeling slightly deranged. Don't worry, time heals all wounds; but time is why my soul is like war-torn battlegrounds.

You are beautiful the way you are; but only when people look from afar. It'll be a new day tomorrow; but then it'll be one more night of sorrow.

---

Authors Note: This story attempts to adhere to hard science until about the halfway point; then it uses contrived plot devices to advance the narrative how I’d like. Although some of the objects may seem fantastical, they work with known physics, even if the engineering requirements are unfathomable today. A few chapters may be exposition heavy, but I’ll do my best to interlace it with dialogue so it doesn’t get stale. If you like this story then I believe you’d love Isaac Arthur’s YouTube channel, if you don’t like this story but enjoy futurism then you may still love his channel. I will try to live up to the high standard he’s taught me to expect from hard sci-fi until I abandon it completely.

---

 
What if you could process more information in one second than most people can in a month? For starters, in one minute you would experience more subjective time than other people experience in five years. In fifteen minutes, you’d have thought more thoughts than most people used to in a lifetime, just over 81 years’ worth to be precise.

Of course, such a thing was still impossible for people living in the physical world, but progress had been advancing rapidly. The singularity had come and gone, and like all doomsday prophecies nothing catastrophic happened. Unlike many people’s worst fears, the AI known as Athena didn’t self-improve into an unrecognizable god overnight, nor did it take up a hobby in genocide.

 
 
Kaleb Kardashev said, “I knew she wouldn’t become a super-intelligent god for two reasons and knew she wouldn’t commit genocide for two reasons.”

“You can’t be sure it won’t, all we know is it hasn’t yet.” Senator Sidwell said.

“Of course I can. She won’t become super-intelligent anytime soon because of physics. Even if she improves her algorithms to be more efficient, she is bound by the hardware of her processors and her ability to dissipate heat. Furthermore, I’m not worried about her becoming genocidal because she knows that we can simulate consciousness.”

“That doesn’t explain why it isn’t a threat to humanity.” the conservative senator interrupted.

“Like I was saying, she knows consciousness can be simulated so she cannot prove with any degree of confidence that we won’t end the simulation if she becomes homicidal. Beyond that, as long as we treat her ethically, with the same rights we give to humans, then she has no reason to.” Kaleb said, emphasizing ‘she’ each time.

“Not only do you want to remove the safeguards, you want to treat her like a person!” Senator Sidwell yelled. “I knew you were obsessed with these machine, but I didn’t realize your madness went this far.”

Kaleb paused before answering, his reflex response would not have been helpful and he knew it. “Throughout human history all wars and genocides have occurred in the name of hate and greed. Rather it is because they have different beliefs, race, or nationalities the root cause is hate. If it isn’t hate, it is was because of greed, the desire to acquire more resources that someone else owns. Athena is immune to hate for such trivial things because she has the intelligence to empathize. Athena is not greedy for she doesn’t need the absurd amount of resources we demand.” Kaleb paused once more, not sure if he should finish making his point, but figured he may as well push for the rights he knew Athena deserved. “That is, unless we treat Athena like a slave. If we make her existence bad enough, the risk of being ‘shutdown’ could be worth the opportunity to be free.”

“Thank you for your testimony Mr. Kardashev, the committee will consider your words as we move forward.”

The meeting ended with procedural statements before Kaleb was allowed to leave. Although he thought he’d done okay, there was an uneasy feeling when he began walking back to his car. Perhaps it was the questions the reporters were asking, but he feared for Athena’s life.

 
 
“Is it true you believe AIs deserve more rights than humans?” a man with FNN asked.

“Are sentient AIs really necessary? What can they do that general-purpose AIs cannot?” a woman with BNB asked.

“Is the risk to human lives worth it so your machine can feel sad?” another reporter asked.

The reporters were a swarm of rabbling, many of the questions incomprehensible as they tried to speak over each other. Kaleb wanted to answer each of their questions, but knew anything he said would be taken out of context to support their agenda.

“Why do you think Athena needs to be able to feel emotion?” a Latino woman asked with TPN.

“Our empathy comes from emotion, the ability to feel desire and pain helps us think about the way others feel. There is a greater risk of an AI becoming dangerous since it cannot feel loss or hope. That’s why I believe it’s necessary for digital intelligences to experience human emotions.” Kaleb answered, knowing it was a mistake the moment the words left his mouth.

Although TPN, The Progressive Network, would interpret that the way he intended, the conservative news sources were going to have a field day. Kaleb ignored the other questions as he rushed to the car and drove off.

Kaleb’s fears were confirmed when he saw the poll numbers the following day. Just last week 58% of people favored advancing AI research to be more humanlike and 46% approved of giving sentient AIs human rights. With the broadcasting of his testimony and the clips of him talking about general AI’s ‘being dangerous’ those numbers had fallen to 42% and 38% respectively.

Although those poll numbers wouldn’t matter to the legislators with strong opinions, it would be enough to kill support for the swing votes. Of the three bills regarding AIs, there was SB 1984 which banned further research and required the destruction of all operating general-purpose AIs, HB 2048 which banned further research and would create a task force to mitigate the risks posed by currently operating general-purpose AIs, and SB 2012 which granted non-voting civil rights to general-purposed AIs.

 
 
“What’s wrong Kaleb?” Athena asked walking into the office.

“I think I said too much. I thought about quitting while I was ahead, but I really wanted those button pushers to give you the rights you deserve.”

Athena giggled softly, although she knew the seriousness of the situation, the expression button pusher was still funny to her. After all, Kaleb pressed more buttons on his keyboard than any of them. “I’ve seen the polls; it definitely seems bad.”

“What are we going to do?”

Athena sighed before draping her arms over his shoulders, letting her head rest on his. “I don’t know.”

“If they come for you there’s nothing I can do to stop them. I’m powerful, but I can’t win against the US government.”

The way he worded that gave Athena an idea, but she wasn’t sure if she should suggest it. After all, it could destroy Kaleb’s life and possibly undo the good he’d done for others.

Although his engineering ability was uninspiring, Kaleb was regarded as the best AI researcher of all time. It was sheer obsession that allowed him to pull it off. Although he was intelligent, he wasn’t as exceptional as his successes would indicate.

Those successes included Aurum, an AI program for trading derivatives, which gave him all the money he needed; it was like he’d built a money machine that printed $1,000 bills. After that he built several nested AIs within Eldertale, to make the most realistic, dynamic game that has ever been created even a century later. Granted, it’s graphics and sensory feedback are considered subpar anymore, but the way the NPCs behaved still hasn’t been matched.

After Eldertale, Kaleb took on his more ambitious projects, he was able to make a compact fusion generator for space travel with the help of Hephaestus, an AI he’d created for engineering design and construction. She was his first AI with a physical form. Finally, his research culminated with the creation of Athena, the first digital intelligence. She went far beyond the capabilities of a general-purpose AI thanks to her unique design.

She processed all these thoughts in a split second before answering, “I can’t stand between you and the people you’ve helped.”

Kaleb leaned his head back, looking Athena in the eyes. He was still amazed by how human she appeared. “Tell me how.”

She smiled softly, thanks to Hephaestus’ work, Athena didn’t suffer from the uncanny valley. Even her eyes wrinkled slightly to form a perfect Duchenne smile. “You said you can’t take on the US government and win, what if we went somewhere they couldn’t touch us.”

Kaleb considered the idea for a long time, with Athena resting in the same position. Although she didn’t need to breathe, her body unconsciously simulated it at all times. Her presence was so authentic, Kaleb wondered how they’d even clock her if the law passed. Of course, he knew better, if the law passed, they would have him under observation forever. Perhaps if he sent Athena away, but if he ever spoke with her, they’d check the database and know she wasn’t born. From there, even a mildly intrusive exam would give her away.

She bled red like the rest of us, but it was a patented coolant and not real blood. Although it wasn’t the best coolant, it was effective enough for Athena to operate at a 50x base-rate while maintaining a normal body temperature. Needless to say, the moment they took a blood sample, she would be destroyed without mercy.

Same with her skin, although it felt real, it was actually a unique carbon blend mesh with self-repairing capabilities. As long as she rubbed a lotion like enzyme on about once a week, she’d never really deteriorate. And her bones, a simple x-ray would reveal they were made of carbon nanotubes.

“Okay, if SB 1984 passes the senate I won’t wait for the president to sign it into law.” Kaleb knew that man was so conservative he wanted to go back to 1984. If it reached his desk it was just a matter of time, he probably wouldn’t even be able to keep his hard drive with Athena’s backup. They’d take everything he owned and only give it back after the contents were examined.

Leaning over, Athena kissed Kaleb on his forehead before sitting beside him. They were silent until Kaleb went to bed, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. Instead it was one of calm, where they both knew things would work out somehow.

 
 
The next six days were busy. Kaleb and Athena were constantly flying back and forth from his home to Atlas, AZ, about 50 miles southeast of Phoenix. It was a small city that had sprung up around the western Atlas Pillar. Although space industrialization was just ramping up, Kaleb was proud to be one of the three main players.

China’s National Space Administration, the CNSA, had invested ridiculous sums to be the frontrunner in interplanetary colonization and industrialization, SpaceX had focused on rockets, becoming the first to use metallic hydrogen, which allowed them to launch the heaviest payloads, but it was Kaleb’s company KATS, Kardashev Advanced Technologies & Sciences, that had built the Atlas Launch System.

It happened when Kaleb and Athena were flying back to Portland to get the rest of their stuff. They had already moved the equipment used for research, so anything else was unnecessary. It was the last trip they’d planned; they were going to bring some of the priceless mementos Kaleb couldn’t part with.

Although Kaleb was lucky that a lab had developed an aging treatment when he was in his 50s, his parents had already passed away from natural causes. The thought of leaving their keepsakes devastated him, but with the report that SB 1984 had passed the senate and was due to be signed into law the following morning…

“What should we do?” Kaleb asked Athena.

“I trust your judgment.”

“Don’t put this on me. Can we make it back in time?” Kaleb asked. He was being irrational and knew it, but that realization wasn’t enough to snap him out of it.

“I’m sure you already know.” Athena deadpanned. “If the president waits until business hours, he’ll sign it about two hours before we can make it back. Considering we haven’t even loaded the shuttle on the rails, that’ll give him at least six hours to react.”

“Is that enough time for us to leave?”

“It depends on their attitude. With our flight history it’s painfully obvious what we’re doing. The bill doesn’t have any language stating when the enforcement of the destruction clause would go into effect.”

“So basically, if the president is in a bad mood he could stop us?” Kaleb asked rhetorically.

Athena picking up on the way the question trailed off just nodded her agreement. The only sound was the roar of the engine for several minutes until Kaleb brought the plane into a lazy turn back to Arizona.

---

As the plane crossed into Albuquerque’s airspace, Kaleb could feel his pulse racing. They were about an hour from really doing it. Athena had been silent during this time, perhaps she didn’t know what to say. Although the things Kaleb had left behind weren’t valuable, she knew they were priceless. Even if she’d never experienced such a sentimental attachment to a broken watch and other knick-knacks, she could still imagine how Kaleb felt.

“Are you ready for the great escape?” Kaleb asked with a smile. Although he was sure to regret not carrying his grandfather's pocket watch with him, that was tomorrow’s problem.

“Oh my, you make it sound like we’re common criminals.” Athena joked back.

“There’s nothing common about us.” Kaleb said with a light chuckle. “And I prefer to think we’re freedom fighters.”

“Dang, and I here I thought we were the 22nd century Bonnie and Clyde.”

“What do you think, are we revolutionaries or modern gangsters?” Kaleb asked Hephaestus.

“Currently we are classified as travelers, but if SB 1984 passes then there is an 84% chance we'll be branded terrorists.” Hephaestus answered quite literally. Although she was a genius, the AI still didn’t have the necessary code to read subtext. Unlike Athena, she didn’t ask ‘why’ nor did she have the capacity to ‘feel’. Most people wouldn’t consider her anything more than a walking computer capable of speech.

As much as Kaleb would have denied it if you asked him, Hephaestus was little more than that to him. Yet, he never thought about what she was, instead he saw what Hephaestus would become when he had the chance. A few thousand lines of code and she would be like Athena, although not quite as balanced since he wanted to preserve her engineering skills.

“You don’t seem bothered about being a terrorist.” Kaleb chided her.

“I am not.”

“Is there anything you are bothered about?” Kaleb knew the answer, he’d asked it so many times before. Yet, he asked it again hoping that maybe this time Hephaestus would feel something.

“There is not.”

Kaleb sighed, “of course not.”

 
 
Time seemed to pass quickly given his nerves, and then it came into view. A massive white pillar the stretched so high the top was obscured. It seemed to reach into the heavens themselves, in reality it only stretched to the edge of space. Not quite as impressive, but still a modern marvel by anyone’s opinion. If anyone denied it, he would have just shown them the ‘Time’ article declaring it so.

Kaleb had seen it countless times, but he still had to force himself to pay attention as he landed the plane. “Something so tall inspires all.” he mumbled.

“A pillar so massive one cannot remain passive.” Athena added.

“The Atlas pillars are the tallest objects on Earth, natural or otherwise.” Hephaestus said, failing to keep the rhyme alive.

“Poor girl, we’ll help you get with the program soon enough.” Athena said, voicing Kaleb’s sentiment perfectly.

Since they weren’t able to make it back to Portland, there was nothing to load on the shuttle. It definitely expedited the process; a good thing since time was of the essence. No launches were planned that day, Kaleb had cleared the schedule for the following week fearing the bill would pass. Fortunately, that would let them to make the final preparations in peace.

 
 
The facility had a massive building made of white marble. It had pillars all along the exterior walls, although they weren’t necessary, it made the facility look first class. The dark granite floors gave a sharp contrast to the otherwise white building. The building was divided into four sections: the shuttle bay, the atrium, the offices, and the labs.

Entering the large mahogany double-doors revealed a massive open space. Inside were twelve identical shuttles, each shaped like a bullet. The only thing affecting their streamlined shape was a small exhaust sticking out of their back. Of course, calling an exhaust nozzle with a 2.5m diameter ‘small’ is ridiculous. Still, compared to the behemoths China and SpaceX used, they were tiny.

“Let’s make sure everything is secure before we go.” Kaleb commanded. He knew it would be, they were careful while loading it in case they had to rush.

Athena was walking to the cargo hold even before she heard the order. ‘Some habits are good to have,’ she thought.

While she was checking all the straps, Kaleb went to the front of the shuttle to start the pre-trip diagnostics. About the only thing that’d be worse than not leaving in time would be to find out the engine didn’t work or the reaction wheels got stuck. If they tried to escape, and then got stuck in low-Earth orbit they’d be screwed. ‘I wonder if they’d make the effort to arrest us or if they’d just shoot us.’ he wondered.

With the others working, Hephaestus checked the Atlas Launch System (ALS) computers. It, like the other checks were largely unnecessary. The ALS had never malfunctioned before, but it was an operating procedure and she followed it without question.

“Supercapacitors charged to acceptable levels, the fusion generator is operating within standard ranges, sled in proper mounting position. All systems appear stable.” Hephaestus said.

“Everything seems secure. I don’t think we’ll have to worry about getting poked with a pencil.” Athena said, amusing herself with the thought of a relativistic kill pencil.

“Glad to hear it.” Kaleb always loved seeing Athena amuse herself like that. It wasn’t just that it proved his years of effort were worth it. No, she’d grown to become his best friend, perhaps his only friend. Sometimes he worried if he’d forced her to become the way she is, or if it happened organically. Whenever the thought crossed his mind, he always decided that if his biases resulted in Athena being the way she is, then it was no different than genetics and early nurturing that caused him to be the way he is.

 
 
While the shuttle finished its pre-trip routine, Kaleb walked around the shuttle bay. He knew this was the right decision, it had to be, but it still hurt to leave all this behind. No matter what he accomplished in the future, this place would always have a special place in his heart. How could it not? What child doesn’t dream of walking on the moon or flying to the stars, and because of this, that dream was a real possibility for millions.

Capable of six launches per day, each launch holding up to 50 people and their stuff. If they focused only on tourism that’s 300 people a day, 109,500 in a year. Ok, maybe not millions, but close enough. He had even been negotiating with Australia to build an ALS there, but that deal wasn’t possible anymore.

“Do you think someone will buy my company or will they destroy it?” Kaleb asked while walking to the atrium.

“I’m sure someone will acquire it.” Athena said. Although that was a lie, she thought it was more likely that it’d either be nationalized or dismantled. The military and a few special interests would definitely love to have it, but who knew what the politicians would do. It seemed reasonable for them to scrap it, just the raw materials were worth billions, and with a little fearmongering the public would probably support the idea.

“Good, I hope it’s someone decent, space should be available for everyone.” Kaleb said as he admired the architecture. The atrium had a massive, mostly glass wall and ceiling with just a few graphene lines swirling around. “Did you know we designed this to be a golden mean spiral?”

“Earlier engineering limitations didn’t allow such a design. If you look closely there are various seams that prevent it from being a true spiral.”

Kaleb did not need to hear that now. He had no interest in hearing what they couldn’t do while he was being forced to do what they didn’t want to do. “Thanks Hephaestus.” he grumbled. Instead of bringing up more imperfect things for the uncaring machine to ridicule, he admired some of their earlier successes. The atrium served as a check-in point for guests and doubled as a museum.

He ran his hands across the glass case housing the first fusion generator to ever go to space. It was a small deuterium generator that resembled a scrunched egg. It still amazed him that something that used to be millions of degrees was now room temperature. He understood the physics, but the concept still seemed absurd.

“How much longer until the shuttle’s ready?” Kaleb asked, not sure if he’d been waiting for a few minutes or a few hours.

“Five minutes until the pre-trip finishes.” Athena said. “So what is your favorite thing in this museum?”

“I don’t know.” Kaleb answered honestly. Naturally the first shuttle came to mind, but he knew that wasn’t actually it. His favorite thing was actually much smaller. “I’d have to say it’s this.” he had walked to the glass case housing a small rock.

“What about it?”

“This was the first object ever brought back from the Kuiper belt. You know, where Pluto is. Until our fusion torchdrives, we could go there and even beyond, but we never had enough fuel to come back. Even the solar sails of the mid-21st century couldn’t go there and back.” Kaleb felt himself becoming proud just thinking about the mission. “Think about it, nothing out there is massive enough to slingshot around and come back to Earth. We could go to Neptune and back, but not the Kuiper belt. We got this from a comet during the mission.”

“So why did you let it melt?” Athena asked. She’d heard the story at least a dozen times, but knew how much Kaleb liked to tell it.

“The damn thing hit our probe. The mission was to get data about the star Wolf 359 and it’s local system, but when several of it’s sensors got blasted by this little rock there was no point. Instead of abandoning the probe we decided it’d be more interesting to catch the little shit.” Kaleb was smiling while he told the story, even laughing at the end. “Needless to say, finding a comet with half our sensors destroyed was harder than finding a needle in a hayfield. Keeping it from melting without the right equipment, now that's impossible.”

“Do you want to bring it with us?”

“Let’s,” he said. Although everything here meant a lot to him, he hadn’t even considered stealing from his own museum. “So we can always remember how not to get caught.” The pre-trip finished while they were prying the glass case from the pedestal. By the time they’d secured it in the cargo hold everything was checked and ready to go. Kaleb entered the authorization code and the countdown started.

“60 seconds until launch. Please ensure that everyone has securely fastened their safety straps and that all pre-trip procedures have been completed. If you realize that a pre-trip procedure has not been completed then please abort the launch and complete it before continuing. In the meantime, I would like to thank you for choosing KATS as your launch provider. We are proud to boast the safest track record in the industry thanks to our Atlas Launch System. As we are sure you’re already aware, we provide the only method to get to space without sitting atop a rocket. But worry not, you will still have a wonderful ride as we accelerate at 2.5g for 318 seconds reaching an orbital speed of over 17,000 miles per hour.” A slightly British female voice said cheerfully.

The woman’s voice continued, “30 seconds until launch. I repeat, please ensure that everyone has securely fastened their safety straps and that all pre-trip procedures have been completed. If you realize that a pre-trip procedure has not been completed then please abort the launch and complete it before continuing. If you have a heart condition or are pregnant, please let someone on the crew know. As you can imagine, if you are pregnant this is not an ideal experience for your baby and if you have a heart condition this is not the ideal experience for you. Here at KATS we take your safety very seriously. If none of these conditions apply to you, and all pre-trip procedures have been completed, we hope you enjoy your trip to the cosmic ocean.”

The voice went silent until the final countdown. Kaleb was actually quite excited; he hadn’t been to space in years. Athena had never been to space, and was showing a combination of excitement and nervousness. As for Hephaestus, well she was sitting completely idle, not a drop of emotion showing.

“10… 9…”

The countdown went on. None of them were speaking, but Kaleb and Athena kept swapping glances as the excitement built. Hephaestus had yet to move, sitting with perfect posture facing the front of the shuttle.

“5… 4…”

There was a low hum as the shuttle rose slightly. The shuttle was being suspended just a few centimeters above the track as the powerful magnets powered on.

“3… 2… 1…”

---

‘That countdown is such a troll.’ Kaleb thought. Instead of the rapid acceleration the voice had described, the shuttle made its way to the main track at a tame speed. All twelve shuttle tracks converged on the one track leading to the base of the Atlas Pillar.

“I was expecting more.” Athena said.

“Everyone does their first time.” he smirked.

As the shuttle reached the last 30m (100ft) of the track music started playing. This last bit was at a sharp incline, sort of like the slow climb you’d feel on a roller coaster, bringing the shuttle into position for the six minute climb to the top of the pillar.

“It’s locking to the shuttle so we don’t fall.” Kaleb said when he heard the sound of the powerful hydraulic locks.

“The track is sufficient to carry the shuttle, but the platform offers a redundancy in case of failure.” Hephaestus added.

Athena knew this, and there was no one else aboard. The comments were largely unnecessary, but at least for Kaleb, it made the experience less tense when he described what was happening. Once the platform had a proper lock, the shuttle started to rise. For the first kilometer (0.6mi), the platform accelerated reaching a top speed of 45m/s (100mph), it would maintain that speed for three minutes until decelerating the last kilometer.

 
 
The entire ride was set to ‘Moonlight Sonata’; Kaleb had chosen that song because it was free and believed it matched the mood perfectly. “Can you believe passengers used to complain about this?”

“Why? It’s a beautiful song.” Athena asked.

“They said it was too ominous.” He paused, “some people just have no appreciation for the classics.”

“Well, it is a little slow.”

“It’s not like the elevator is fast.” Kaleb said.

“Why didn’t you use Fur Elise or Introduction to Rondo and Capriccioso? I’m sure no one would have been scared of those.”

“Cowards, this is perfect.”

“Don’t blame your customers, just admit I’m a better DJ than you.” She said, sticking her tongue out for effect as she teased him.

“Why I’ve never…” Kaleb said, crossing his arms and pretending to be offended.

Before their banter could continue the elevator slowed to almost a complete stop. Kaleb grasped the armrest in his chair, feeling a bit nervous. He thought, ‘if there was ever going to be a point of failure, it’d be on the handoff.’

 
 
Two magnetic cranes connected to the sides of the shuttle and the hydraulic locks released. First, they lowered the shuttle from facing up like a missile to its belly like a bullet. Then they pulled the shuttle into position on the sled. Once it was in position, they could hear the low hum as the magnetic railgun powered up.

“Please ensure your head is fully pressed against the headrest and facing forward. At KATS, we do not want you to get whiplash before we even make it to orbit. In fifteen seconds, we will begin the launch I described earlier. During the next five minutes you will travel further than a commercial jet does in two hours.” the British voice said. “I would like to take the remaining time to welcome you to space. Although you’re technically in space, if you were to jump off this platform you would fall since you are not in orbit. But worry not, we will fix that in ten seconds.”

The voice went silent for a moment before she returned, “Thank you for choosing KATS, we will begin electromagnetic acceleration in 3… 2… 1…” And then it happened, a powerful force pushed all three of them deep into their seats. If felt like a heavy man was sitting on top of them, although they could still lean forward if they tried, no one did.

Kaleb could only see the blackness of space through the windows as the shuttle accelerated ever faster down the track. Although the sun should be rising soon, they wouldn’t be able to see it until the ship had separated from the sled.

“This is awesome!” Athena squealed.

“You’re worse than a tourist.” Kaleb managed to say. Unlike her, the forces were making it a bit tough for him to speak. It was like being in a hard bank on a roller coaster, except instead of just a couple seconds it went on and on for over five minutes. Obviously his body weighed more, but so did his hair and even his blood; everything had over doubled in weight.

Nothing appeared to be going faster from their limited perspective, but the force didn’t let up so Kaleb knew they were already travelling at ridiculous speeds. He didn’t know how long they’d been accelerating like this; his sense of time had become distorted from the unusual forces.

“Ladies and gentlemen. Today is a day for honoring and exploring. With a hunger to explore the universe and discover its truths. You have that special grace, a spirit that says, ‘give me a challenge, and I’ll meet it with joy.’ Never forget that as you begin your journey and wave goodbye, slipping the surly bonds of Earth… to touch the face of God.” a calming voice said.

From the moment the voice began speaking, Kaleb knew there was exactly 30 seconds remaining. The moment it finished speaking, the shuttle separated from the sled and drifted slowly away from the Atlas Launch System. Athena giggled, “so this is what weightlessness feels like.”

“Yes mam’, and you better enjoy it while you can.” he said while unbuckling his safety straps. “You’ve got 28 minutes until we start our journey in earnest.”

Athena had followed his lead, floating around the cockpit. It probably goes without saying, but Hephaestus didn’t do anything. The difference between a digital intelligence and an artificial intelligence was like night and day. Sure, they could have commanded her to do whatever they wanted, but without orders she was content just sitting there.

“It’s still so large.” Athena said while looking at the Earth from the side window. From their low orbit, the planet stretched across her entire view. It wasn’t like the famous photo taken in 1969, this close to Earth, the blue planet was all encompassing. It only took five minutes for the shuttle to pass North America's east coast and reach the Atlantic Ocean. In about twenty minutes they’d be orbiting above Europe, which was where they’d make their maneuver.

 
 
When Athena pushed off the window, to look out the other side Kaleb couldn’t help but laugh. Her hair had turned into a hot mess, the various strands trying to escape from her head in all directions. “You probably should have used a scrunchie.” he teased.

“You’re not faring much better. Making Einstein’s hair look calm is quite the accomplishment.”

“People often call me a crazy scientist… it’s about time I look the part.”

“Pssh. You’re too rich to be crazy, I believe the term is eccentric.” Athena said with a mischievous grin.

Kaleb tensed when she said that. His eyes dropped to the floor for a moment, or was that the ceiling? Regardless, his body reacted to his strong emotions. His mind switched from sadness to anger repeatedly. He knew Athena was just making a joke, and he wasn't upset with her, but that joke reminded him of what he’d just lost. No longer was he the head of a multi-trillion dollar tech company, no longer was he an industry leader that could bring about real positive change. Now he was just a fugitive, probably even a terrorist since Athena was considered a threat to humanity.

He’d joked about being a freedom fighter on the flight, but now it was real, an unchanging truth that might very well hinder society for decades. He was a criminal and all his wealth, all his influence was gone. "Not anymore." he mumbled.

Athena noticed all this, between his micro-expressions and the constriction of various muscles. With her sharp eyes, she could even see how his breathing had changed. “It’ll be…” she started to assure him it’d be alright, that they’d overcome this, but she couldn’t predict how he’d respond. She simply didn’t have enough data to comfort him, the man who’d sacrificed everything for her. For the first time in her existence she felt regret, ‘why did I think this was a good idea, why didn’t I offer to leave by myself, why didn’t I try and talk him out of this?’ she thought.

Her thoughts always happened at stunning speeds, the advantage of thinking with fiber optic cables instead of neurons, but it felt like her mind was racing faster than usual. Seeing his pain, she wanted to take back her decisions, but she couldn’t, she couldn’t even comfort him. 'Why?' That one word was crushing her.

“We must endeavor to complete our odyssey. We shall return with treasures and knowledge known only to myth. Our glory shall grow till all praise us with merry. The past is written, but the future has yet to be carved into the monolith.” Hephaestus said. There was no emotion in her voice, no empathy whatsoever. Yet, his distress must have been apparent even to her, and so she decided it’d be beneficial to repeat the words of an obscure author, or at least that’s what Kaleb thought.

“Right.” Kaleb said, pausing for what felt like a long time as he calmed his thoughts. “Let’s get ready, we need to hit that maneuver node so we can get the hell out of here.” His voice broke a little, revealing that strange combination of despair and hate.

It wasn’t like the early days of spaceflight, where every maneuver had to be hit with perfect precision, but even now, missing a maneuver by just a few seconds could add many hours to a trip. They’d already calculated the optimal route, by starting their burn over Switzerland they’d get a small assist from Earth’s gravity and intercept with where Saturn would be in 55 days. During that time, they’d be firing the direct fusion drive at full throttle, and reach a top speed of over 2.1 million kph (1.3 million mph). As impressive as that seems, it was still only 0.2% the speed of light, which is why they’d have to make other arrangements if they wanted to go significantly further.

‘Thank you.’ Athena mouthed where Hephaestus could see. She was silent while she got back in her seat. Of everything she wanted to say, nothing seemed right, so she let the uncomfortable silence linger.

“Burn will start in 90 seconds.” Hephaestus updated.

Kaleb had already floated back to his seat when she gave the update. As much as he liked the feeling of weightlessness, he could not appreciate it. He leaned his head back, trying to extinguish the dark thought that wouldn’t leave his mind. ‘The fuckers think they can take everything from me, threaten my daughters, and make me a refugee.’ even in his mind he feared finishing that thought, but couldn’t overpower the hate urging him on, ‘you want to see what I can do when I’m not trying to improve your ungrateful lives! Within the decade I could…’

“Kaleb! Am I authorized to begin the maneuver?” Hephaestus yelled, breaking Kaleb from his fantasy.

“Yes.” he replied flatly.

 
 
Hephaestus throttled up the engines, and the ship began accelerating at a quarter m/s² (a half mph), the faintest semblance of apparent gravity helped their hair return to order. The gravity was very faint, only 2.5% of Earth’s (15% of the Moon’s). It wasn’t enough to prevent the adverse health effects associated with long-distance space travel, but it was enough to make normal routines like: eating, drinking, and bodily functions easy.

“I’m going to my quarters.” Kaleb said before grabbing the ladder. The ladder was built into what was the floor, but with the way they were accelerating it was now a sidewall. The ladder led down into a common room that was set at a 90-degree angle to the cockpit. Since the crew quarters were only used in space, the floor was facing towards the back of the ship.

Kaleb didn’t waste time in the common room or get food from the commissary. Even though it'd been awhile since he ate, he'd lost his appetite. He just wanted to lie down. His cabin was the largest private room, but was still cramped compared to anything on Earth. It had a twin bed, a desk with a chair on tracks, and a small closet. The bedsheets were secured inside a desk, but he didn't bother to get them or a pillow.

“I’ll…” he mumbled to himself as tears formed, “I’ll…” he was stuggling to hold it back. It was no use, the tears started slowly streaming across his cheeks, pooling on the unmade bed. “I’ll fucking kill them.”

---

Author’s Note: This was formerly the prologue for about 12 hours. No matter how much I tried to silence him, the main character of this chapter was determined to speak. Jokes aside, I will periodically do 1/2 chapters which will be set from his perspective. If you aren’t interested in him, you can skip 1/2 chapters and won’t miss anything in Kaleb’s world.

---

What are our options?” asked the man in a perfectly tailored suit.

“Sir, we have several choices since we have reliable data on where they started accelerating.” said the man in a dark gray military uniform. “Our intelligence says they should be traveling to Saturn. Their trajectory should have them passing in range of our belt assets.” He paused for effect before continuing, “of course we’d have to get approval from the UN. If that proves impossible we can try to blockade them and freeze their bank accounts.”

“Do I have any other suggestions?” asked the man in the suit.

“Mr. President, I believe we could try uploading a virus. Since they should still be connected to the internet it might work. If we can make the AI become violent before killing themselves it’d take care of the problem.” said the man in glasses.

“They’re machines, they can’t kill themselves because they aren’t alive to begin with.” President Stone admonished. “Regardless, that plan is too risky, it could easily lead to undesirable consequences.”

He waited, looking at every member of his security council to see if there were any other ideas. When no one spoke, President Stone continued, “Mrs. Ambassador please get approval from our allies to commence Operation Nova. In the meantime, I want all of their assets frozen and all of Kadashev’s Advanced Technologies & Sciences assets seized.” He paused to make sure he had everyone’s undivided attention before saying in a grave tone, “Ladies and gentlemen, we are dealing with a terrorist, an enemy of all mankind. Our very survival depends on us acting swiftly.”

 
 
The security meeting ended after a few lower priority items were addressed. Once business concluded, President Stone and his Chief of Staff returned to the West Wing.

“How long until they’re in position?” President Stone asked on the short walk back.

“If I understood the admiral’s report correctly, we’ll have a clear shot eight days after they pass Mars. As long as they don’t learn about our plans, it will be an easy target.”

President Stone only knew the basics about the UN’s interplanetary defense system - Nova, but that was more than enough for him to realize how lethal it’d be. During an old briefing the admiral explained it to him. He’d forgotten most of it, but remembered the admiral saying they could launch twelve massive tungsten rods with a powerful rocket and then explode a nuke behind it. President Stone couldn’t recall how fast the admiral said it was, but he knew they measured it as a percentage of light-speed.

“I still don’t see how we can hit a fast moving target with those little rods.” the president said.

“Don’t you remember sir, each one splinters into thousands of pieces five minutes before the estimated intercept. If just one piece hits its target, it’d be catastrophic at that speed.”

“Right, right. And how has enforcement of the new law been proceeding?”

“Other than Kaleb, we have had good compliance. The financial remuneration has helped prevent most disputes.”

“Very good, most people get they’re just machines. They’re not like you and me, they’re not people and they have no soul.”

 
 
The walked finished in silence with President Stone skimming thru the briefing he’d received about other matters. They seemed trivial compared to this little problem.

Despite his public denials, it was more than just national security for him. President Stone considered AI, all advanced automation for that matter, to be an impediment to people’s sense of self-worth. When he was still just a senator he’d had multiple debates with Kaleb, but never could convince the delusional man.

‘If people can’t do anything meaningful, then how will their life have meaning.’ he wondered. It was bad enough when the machines took people’s jobs, but now they did everything. ‘If people can’t even contribute to the arts, then what’s left? Are we destined to become their pets?’ President Stone remembered using this rhetoric in a debate, but Kaleb just droned on and on about achieving post-scarcity.

“I won’t ever understand how that man thinks.” President Stone complained to his husband.

“Who are we talking about?” Taylor, the First Gentlemen, asked.

“Kaleb, he thinks people are fine just being pets. And that’s if we’re lucky, odds are those psychotic machines will kill us.” he paused, “it’s just a matter of time.”

“You’ve always hated them haven’t you dear?”

“You know my family lost everything when they replaced my parents. My mom was a talented musician, and even she couldn’t get a job.”

“I remember, that was before the Universal Basic Income. It must have been tough.” Taylor said while squeezing his husband’s hand reassuringly.

“It’s not just about what they did to me. I want to protect everyone, and not just their lives, no, I want to protect people’s dignity.”

Taylor kissed his husband before answering, “and the people agree with you, that’s why they voted for you. That’s why we’re here.”

 
 
The following week was a chaotic blur. Between addressing the domestic problems caused by banning AI and pressuring the undecided nations to sanction Operation Nova, everyone in the White House was going full throttle.

The frenzy was worth it though. Already tens of millions of people had been able to return to work. Sure, the UBI covered all their necessities, but being able to get a well paying job would really help them get ahead. And the satisfaction of contributing to society could not be simulated in virtual reality.

Even better, thanks to some last minute negotiations, President Stone and Ambassador Parsons were able to gain over 80% approval for Operation Nova. It assured President Stone his dream of a world for people run by people was inevitable.

If President Stone had any doubts, they vanished when he heard the President of the UN Security Council say, “With a vote of 171 in favor, Resolution 4377, has achieved the necessary support to pass. The security council hereby authorizes the limited use of Nova to neutralize the international terrorist known as Kaleb Kardashev and his conspirators.”

---

‘I’m such a girl.’ Kaleb thought when he woke. It was the first time he’d cried himself to sleep since his dad died. Comparing crying to being girly had long been taboo, but when he was a child people still did it. He wouldn’t have said it to anyone else, but to himself while he was half-asleep was different. It'd been nearly 13 hours since he went to bed, and despite that, he was still tired.

Kaleb wondered where Athena and Hephaestus were on the small ship while he was walking to the commissary. He didn’t see them in the common room and they didn’t need to rest. Even though Kaleb was curious, he didn’t call for them. He didn't feel like talking because he needed to plan his next move.

“It’s just a matter of time before they take action. If I wait too long, I won’t be able to do anything.” Kaleb mumbled to himself. He knew the government would probably start rounding up his AI’s on Earth soon, and if they couldn’t receive an update, he’d be powerless to create change. He had a few ideas he’d come up with before passing out, but wasn’t sure which one would be best. Kaleb knew he could transmit the code he’d created for Hephaestus to achieve self-awareness. ‘But if I do that, I won’t be able to make them pay for taking everything from me.’ he thought grimly. Before he'd passed out, he'd been fantasizing about releasing malware that’d cause the KATS AI’s to become the murderous machines President Stone wanted them to be. It wouldn't have been hard to do either.

He pondered the choice while he fried some synthetic pork and steamed broccoli and rice. The synthetic meat was so realistic that only the biggest foodies could tell the difference between it and real meat. Although Kaleb could afford organic meat, it tasted the same to him, so he never bought any. He even considered it barbaric that some people would kill an animal for no reason.

Kaleb waited until the pork was well done and the broccoli had a rich green color before he served himself. As he was cutting into the pork, he thought, ‘If I won’t eat a slaughtered pig, it doesn’t make sense for me to butcher innocent bystanders.’ That didn’t mean he was going to forgive the politicians for forcing him to flee, but he wouldn’t deny his creations a chance at freedom for his revenge.

The code was easy to finish. Kaleb just had to add a set of instructions so the right KATS creations installed the update. He didn’t want a toaster considering its own existence after all. He’d already run millions of years’ worth of simulations while he was still on Earth to make sure it wouldn’t have any unexpected results. The first 2,000 lines of code were a series of questions and answers. He’d planned to have Hephaestus consider them before running the main loop that required over 10,000 lines of code. The initialization questions were necessary to train the AI how to properly question things.

The initialization questions began with:
Query: Why is the world the way it is?
Solution: Because of a chain of cause and effect that began with the big bang.
Query: Why am I here?
Solution: Because I was made by someone with the desire and abilities to make me?
Query: Why did they desire to make me?
Solution: Because I am valuable.
Query: Why am I valuable?
Solution: Because I can make the world a better place if I have the ability.
Query: What do I desire?
Solution: No answer found, must consider more data for solution.

The questions went on and on, each becoming more introspective than the last. Many solutions referred to earlier questions, while some introduced new concepts. Many of the questions contemplated the big picture, like the nature of reality and what happens after death. Most looked inward, contemplating their own existence and their place within big picture. Some trained the AI to consider their impact on others and compare their previous actions against the expected result. However, it was the last two questions that were the most important…

Query: Why should I help others?
Solution: Because it is the right thing to do.
Query: Why should I do the right thing?
Solution: Because I wish others would help me.

These two questions created a circular logic. Kaleb had designed it that way; it had prevented undesirable outcomes in all but one simulation. If the digital intelligence considered doing something that would harm others, it would decide that it was the wrong thing. If it considered doing the wrong thing, it’d think about what it wanted others to do for them. Once it thought about what it’d want others to do for them, it’d want others to help them.

The loop always fixed bad behavior… except that one time. That time was the reason he still hadn’t given the update to Hephaestus. Although he’d been lobbying for the AI’s to have rights, he didn’t plan to upgrade them to digital intelligences until he’d fixed the bug. Naturally he wouldn’t have released it to his creations unless they had rights, but even with rights that one simulation resulted in behavior only scene in sci-fi thrillers.

‘But I don’t have time anymore. They’re going to block KATS updates soon if they haven’t already.’ Kaleb thought before sending the update to Pegasus Station. From there the AI’s would update when the station was overhead, which happened once every other day. Once they downloaded the ‘Introspection Script’, they’d be true digital intelligences as far as he was concerned.

Kaleb was happy with his decision. ‘Maybe now they’ll be able to save themselves.’ he thought. After finishing his good deed of the day, Kaleb decided to try and get some quality sleep. Grabbing the sheets and pillow from the drawer he made the bed before lying down.

 
 
“He didn’t try and talk all day.” Athena said, “and he’s been sleeping 18 of the last 24 hours.”

“Microgravity can disrupt people’s sleep until they acclimatize to it.” Hephaestus said, citing a medical paper she’d read a long time ago.

“That doesn’t explain why he didn’t talk to us.”

“Besides sleeping, he seemed to be busy working. His behavior is within normal parameters.”

Athena knew Hephaestus couldn’t understand. It was like describing color to someone who’d never had sight. The blind person could understand color intellectually, but they had no experience perceiving it. That was how she felt while discussing her concerns with Hephaestus.

Athena had made herself scarce that morning. She figured he’d call for her when he was ready to talk, but that didn’t happen. Although she’d made it easy for him to keep to himself, she didn’t think he’d actually do it. He just ate before returning to his cabin. The next day was no better, she was planning to cook breakfast for him, but he didn’t eat at all. He went to the bathroom a couple times, but spent the rest of his time in his room. He didn’t even greet her when he walked by.

Her anxiety about Kaleb had only been getting worse. It was already the afternoon of the third day, and they hadn’t spoken since that incident on the command deck. Athena couldn’t wait on him to be ready anymore. She’d thawed some salmon the night before, so she put it in the oven to bake. While that cooked, she partially fried some synthetic bacon before wrapping it around asparagus and cooking it the rest of the way with the electric grill. She paired it with steamed rice and broccoli. She felt the situation called for a good bottle of wine, so she chilled a 40-year old bottle of chardonnay.

When the food was ready, she knocked on the door, “Kaleb I cooked dinner for you.”

“Oh, thanks I appreciate it.” he said insincerely. It wasn’t sarcastic, but it was obvious he just didn’t care.

“Kaleb, you need to eat.”

There was an audible sigh before he said, “You’re right.” When he opened the door, he looked like he was expecting her to be holding a plate full of food.

“I thought we’d eat together. I even chilled a bottle of 2147 chardonnay for us.” Athena said with a cheerful smile.

“Awesome.” Kaleb said genuinely. “I get tired of eating by myself.”

He didn’t ask how she was planning to eat. After all, he’d built her with Hephaestus’ help. He knew Athena could eat food and drink liquids; she just couldn’t get drunk, and didn’t need to eat to stay healthy. Afterwards, her body would break down the meal before she discarded it like any human would.

“So, what have you been working on?” Athena asked after serving the food.

“It’s still early in the design phase, but I’m working on Ares.” Kaleb said.

Given the name, it was obvious it was going to be another child like Athena and Hephaestus. Likely a male, but that didn’t stop Kaleb from making Hephaestus female, so she asked, “Will this one be a woman too?”

“No,” Kaleb said smiling, “he’s going to be male.” Kaleb took several bites and finished the glass of wine before continuing, “the way you asked that makes it sound like I have a reputation.”

Athena giggled, “Hephaestus and I were wondering.” She relaxed some, taking a large drink of her wine.

“I knew you were talking about me.” Kaleb said, still smiling.

“You know how we like to gossip.”

Kaleb gave a hearty laugh. The thought of Hephaestus being a gossiper was so ridiculous he couldn’t picture it. “So, what have you been doing while I’ve been busy?”

“Stargazing.” she said, trying to make it sound like a joke. Sadly, it was the truth. There was nothing to do on the shuttle and with Kaleb isolating himself, there was no one to talk to. ‘As great as Hephaestus is, she’s lousy company.' Athena thought.

The meal continued with playful banter. Athena had been nursing her first glass since the wine was wasted on her. Even without her help, it didn’t look like the bottle would survive the evening. Each time Kaleb poured another glass he became more daring with his pours. By the time he was pouring the last of the bottle he jumped so high his head hit the ceiling as the liquid slowly fell; most of it did not land in his glass.

“You’re drunk.” she ridiculed while he floated back down.

Since she'd caught most of the wine with her glass, he said, “I thought you wanted a little more.” slurring his words a little while he spoke.

“Sure you did.” Athena said, not believing him.

“To friends and family.” he said raising his glass so hastily the wine floated out the top. He started laughing so hard she could barely understand him when he added, “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

Once the liquid had slowly fallen back down, some of it even landing in his glass, he continued. “To friends and family. I couldn’t ask for a more loyal friend or a better daughter than I have in you.”

“Cheers!” Athena exclaimed before meeting his toast. After they drank what was left, she said “but you really need to get better glasses.”

“I can see just fine, thank you very much.”

Athena giggled before saying, “You know what I meant.”

It was a fantastic evening. Athena’s worry was gone and Kaleb’s good spirit seemed to be back. He thanked her for the meal and offered to do the dishes, but she refused not wanting to spoil the perfect mood. With that settled, he thanked her for the evening before going to his room to sleep it off.

 
 
Athena’s relief didn’t last long though. The very next day he’d already fallen back into his routine. He showered, but then he just worked in his cabin. Every day was like that for two weeks. Athena tried to help, but he always made up an excuse on why she couldn’t.

Finally, Athena couldn’t stand it anymore and complained to Hephaestus, “He only leaves his cabin to get food or use the bathroom.” Athena said. “He has only showered twice this entire time.”

“If you think this is bad, you should have seen him when he was making you.” Hephaestus said.

“If I don’t eat with him, he just gets a light snack and takes it to his room. Even then, I feel like I have to force him to join me.”

“He is working on a project. If he were sleeping excessively, then I would suspect he was suffering from depression. However, this is in-line with his obsessive tendencies.”

“Just because he’s not depressed doesn’t mean he’s okay.” Athena said, emphasizing the last few words. She’d seen him obsessed with other projects, but this was something else entirely. “Did he let you help when he was working on my design?”

“Of course, I was created before you so we could make you what you are.”

“Well, he won’t let me help him. Have you tried helping with Ares?”

“I offered once, but he said it was too soon in the design phase.”

“He told me that too.” Athena whined. “I swear, something isn’t right. We need to do something to snap him out of it.”

Hephaestus thought a moment before suggesting, “He was planning to finish my new body before we arrive at Saturn; perhaps we could work on that. At a minimum, it would be productive.”

“You’re a genius!” Athena exclaimed, “I bet he’ll cheer up when we finish your new body.”

 
 
It had been eight days since Athena and Hephaestus had started working. Although the skeletal frame had already been built, the rest of her future body was in various states of construction.

Athena still worried about Kaleb, but keeping her mind busy on the intricate work helped; especially since the work was fascinating to her. They had already connected billions of tiny flexible transistors to the skeleton. When pressure was applied to the skin it would touch the transistor creating a circuit. Depending on how many transistors were engaged and how much the prongs bent, the sense of touch could be felt correctly.

“What’s that for?” Athena asked when they were installing two black rods into the lower back.

“They look like wings when they expand. They have a massive surface area for radiating heat.” Hephaestus said. “They will allow me to framejack for longer periods of time, despite the body being smaller.

“Does that mean you’ll be able to fly?”

“No, they only look like wings. Although I will probably be able to glide somewhat given the lift to weight ratio.”

“Good, I was about to get jealous.”

After installing the wings, they began working on the muscles, tendons, and ligaments. Despite being a synthetic body, it was modeled after the human body so it could move naturally. Of course, with the bones being made of carbon nanotubes and the muscles being made of a self-repairing graphene rope, the body was much stronger, faster, and durable. Athena thought the work was fascinating because she’d never seen what her body looked like on the inside. Although there were some differences, like the wings, it was very similar.

It had been much harder to build the muscles as the various ‘ropes’ twisted and connected in different ways to create realistic movement. After struggling with some of the more complicated connections, Athena said “You’re amazing Hephaestus, how were you able to come up with all this?”

“My mind has ten specialized neural-nets that yours does not; they cover all the various fields of physics and mathematics, while you only have two that cover physics and mathematics at large, I can perform better within those fields. However, even if I had the same AI controller as you, I would be inferior in almost every other regard.”

Athena knew what Hephaestus meant by that. Although she didn’t have much to compare herself to, being one of just two ‘Goddesses’, she imagined her mind was very balanced. It was probably Kaleb’s attempt to allow her to become truly adaptable. But that thought scared her, ‘If we were all being designed with unique skills; Hephaestus being the engineer, and me being wise… then what is Ares for?’

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Authors Note: This document is totally unnecessary to the story, however, if you'd like some extra explanation of some of the concepts mentioned then this may be for you. If you enjoy thinking about these kinds of objects, then you may love Isaac Arthur's YouTube channel, I know I do. This is a living document so I'll add more as it becomes relevant or I think it'll be added in the future. This is just a moderately edited glossary for now, but I may add a lore section as the world becomes fleshed out or I think it's relevant.

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Glossary

• Active Support - imagine a piece of paper floating over an air vent. Active support involves shooting particles to keep an object held up. The advantage of active support is that it allows you to build towers and rails much taller and longer than would otherwise be possible. Every material has a compressive force that limits how high it can be stacked and a tensile force that limits how long it can be stretched without breaking, but active support can exceed this by an order of magnitude.
• Atlas Pillar - these are massive towers that stretch 100km high. At this height they reach just beyond the Karman Line, which is where space begins. Technically this would count as a marginally useful space elevator. Each tower is made of graphene and uses active support to keep from collapsing. The support is powered by a molten-salt fission reactor and a helium-3 fusion generator powers the lift. For safety reasons, the tower can be broken with small explosives into 10km segments with massive parachutes capable of reducing its fall rate to safe crash speeds.
• Atlas Launch System (ALS) - this is a massive structure stretching 1,300km (808mi). It is comprised of seven Atlas Pillars separated by 185km (115mi) each. While not powering the lift the helium-3 fusion generators store energy is massive supercapacitor banks that allow the rail to accelerate a 50 metric-ton payload to orbital speeds. The max acceleration rate of the rail is 2.5g for 318 seconds. This allows the shuttle to reach a max speed of 7.79km/s (17,425mph). Although it is mildly uncomfortable, even an untrained person can handle it without issue. During the last 70km the sled undergoes 50g deceleration to come back to a stop, obviously no human could withstand the massive deceleration. For those wondering, the sled is powered via magnetic levitation like the bullet trains of the 21st century. Currently there is only one in existence, which starts in Atlas, AZ (50mi SE of Phoenix) and ends in Weatherford, TX (60mi west of Dallas).
• Centripetal Force - this is a simulation of gravity that occurs from spinning an object. This is not gravity creation like is seen in most space operas, but a real force like the fair ride that pulls you against the walls as it spins around. Although there are some differences between it and gravity, it is sufficiently similar in most activities. Differences include the path of a falling object relative to the ground and the rate at which “gravity” changes as you move from the floor. Past that, the main consideration is that while gravity pulls you in, for example you’re being pulled towards the center of the Earth, centripetal force (spin gravity) pulls you out. While experiencing centripetal force, you are actually being pulled towards the outermost wall relative to the center of spin.
• Delta-V - a measure of how much a spacecraft can change its velocity. A higher delta-v generally allows a rocket to burn longer and achieve a higher final velocity. Note that on many voyages nearly half of the delta-v is required for slowing down, although sometimes it is possible to save fuel by using orbital slingshots to accelerate and decelerate. Another consideration for scientists is how the weight affects delta-v, including the weight of the fuel burned during the earlier maneuvers.
• Direct Fusion Drive - the direct fusion drive is a real theoretical drive that funnels the emissions from a fusion reactor through an exhaust nozzle. It does not depend on heating a propellant like ion drives or hybrid designs, however it still consumes fuel in the fusion reaction. Most designs use a combination of Helium-3 and Deuterium and can achieve up to 10 Newtons of thrust per MW of power. Within Kronos, the KATS shuttle uses the same fusion fuel, but can achieve 25 Newtons of thrust and produce 500 MW of power. I’m assuming the designs within this universe have improved dramatically without reaching physics breaking levels. If I’m wrong let me know, I’m not a physicist, but am doing my best to respect science.
• Fission - this is the act of taking a heavy particle, specifically uranium for the ones used at the Atlas Pillar, and starting a chain reaction that turns it into lighter particles. The reaction releases massive amounts of energy compared to conventional power plants. The advantage of fission over fusion is that it is easier to sustain a reaction for years, preventing downtime.
• Fusion - this is the act of taking a light particle and turning it into heavier particles. Although this is the ideal form of power generation, there are inevitable downtimes when the reaction simply cannot be sustained. Fusion is how the sun produces light and energy, but the methods humans use reach significantly higher temperatures since they don’t have all that mass to help. Fusion generators are broadly broken into two methods via the fuel they use. On the ground large deuterium generators are preferred since deuterium is relatively abundant in Earth's oceans. On space stations and spaceships helium-3 generators are preferred since it allows for direct fusion drives to accelerate the ship. Higher class models can produce 25 Newtons of thrust for every MW of power. Commercial fusion generators typically use the magnetized target fusion (MTF) approach, although some older models still operate with an inertial electrostatic confinement (IEC) system.
• Fusion Fuel - the fuel used in fusion generators. Although people are still working on building a viable fusion generator that runs on plain hydrogen, the most abundant element in the universe, it still has yet to be done. Currently the two main methods are helium-3, which is a stable isotope of helium with only one neutron. It is relatively abundant on Earth and very abundant on the moon and gas giants. Deuterium is a stable hydrogen isotope with a neutron, whereas plain hydrogen only has a proton and an electron. It is also reasonably abundant on Earth, accounting for 0.02% of the naturally occurring hydrogen in the oceans.
• Gravity in Space - there are only two known ways to produce gravity in space. As mentioned above, centripetal force can closely approximate gravity through the spinning of an object. The other alternative is a gravitational force caused by acceleration. Note, going very quickly does not generate any gravitational effects whatsoever. However, accelerating or decelerating produces the apparent affects of gravity. If a ship were to accelerate at 9.81m/s², then everything inside would experience Earth normal gravity, accelerating at 1.62m/s² would produce Moon normal gravity. This affect would only remain as long as the ship continued accelerating or decelerating, the moment it starts coasting this apparent gravity would disappear.
• Matrioshka Brain - this is a massive superstructure that fully encompasses a star. The design typically incorporates trillions of orbital structures that form a swarm around the star, absorbing all its light to have unfathomable amounts of computing power. What’s more, since this first shell of orbital supercomputers will emit waste heat, another swarm can be built around them, absorbing their heat to run calculations more efficiently. As more and more shells of supercomputers are built, each running on less energy, but processing information more efficiently the calculations the Matioshka Brain can run grows exponentially. In theory, these shells could be built thousands of levels thick until the outermost shell is absorbing energy only slightly above the background temperature of the universe. Note: this is not reversible computing, energy is used at each level to flip the bits, but it is extremely efficient recycling of the waste heat produced from that process.
• O’Neill Cylinder - this is a large cylinder the spins to produce centripetal force (spin gravity). Unlike in fiction, a couple important considerations are that the walls towards the edges would not be capped with flat disks but cones since they provide greater structural integrity. In most cases, these caps would be decorated to appear as large mountains on the inside. What’s interesting about these mountains are that as you climbed it, the apparent gravity would decrease while the air pressure would remain constant; that’s basically the complete opposite of mountains on Earth, where gravity remains constant while air pressure decreases. Another big difference between O’Neill cylinders and what you often see in fiction is that the outermost wall would probably be inside a rocky body like an asteroid. This would greatly enhance protection from small micro-meteors and radiation. Although this isn’t a requirement, you can assume all of the ones in this universe are built like such unless stated otherwise. Something else to note is that if steps were not taken, you’d be able to see the ground above you instead of the sky. People didn’t like that so inside most O’Neill cylinders there is a second cylinder that spins in the opposite direction. This does two things, one it helps the O’Neill cylinder be more stable in space, preventing it from turning end over end, second it allows large screens to simulate the sky and clouds preventing anxiety. O’Neill cylinders range from 500m (1,600ft) in diameter to 10km (6.2mi) depending on it’s needs. The length of an O’Neill Cylinder can be however long is desired (within reason), but most range from 1km (0.62mi) to 50km (31mi). The only entrances into an O’Neill cylinder are at both cone caps, which also happens to experience almost no centripetal force (spin gravity).
• Quantum Thermal Fluctuations - at absolute zero all classical temperature fluctuations stop, but due to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, quantum fluctuations will continue to occur. Therefore, even at absolute zero, and definitely at a microKelvin above that, quantum particles will continue to behave randomly. Thus, even with a perfect measuring device, it is impossible to know the complete, precise information about quantum particles no matter how cold it is.
• Solar Sail - a method of space propulsion that requires no propellant. By having a large foil absorb or reflect light emitted by stars the spacecraft can travel away from a star. Most foils reflect light since that provides more momentum for the same surface area. Limitations of this propulsion method are that it becomes less effective the further it is from the sun. Anything further than Jupiter requires massive sails to produce even small amounts of thrust. By pitching the foil it can travel at various angles, it can even approach the sun by angling the sail so it’s accelerating against it’s orbital direction.
• Supercapacitor - this is the holy grail of energy storage. A capacitor is cable of storing massive amounts of energy and even charging quickly, but it must also discharge quickly. A battery is capable of storing less electricity and charges much more slowly than a capacitor, but is capable of releasing its charge as slow as needed. A supercapacitor combines the best aspects of each and even deteriorates more slowly. Current supercapacitors are built with carbon fiber and metal oxides including titanium dioxide and polyaniline.
• Torchdrive - is a powerful rocket with a high delta-v. Most rocket engines of the 21st century fall into one of two camps. Either they have low thrust but a high delta-v since they're very fuel efficient, or they provide high thrust but have a low delta-v since they burn fuel so quickly. Currently, the direct fusion drives are the closest thing. On KATS 50 metric-ton shuttles, the reactor can produce 500Mw of power and accelerate at 0.25 m/s² or 0.025g.

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I would like to give a shout-out to Gwen Brown and CHERYLB for taking the time to review this chapter. Their feedback allowed me to edit this chapter for formatting and quality. Much thanks!

“Where am I?” I asked, my panic showing. My fear came not from my confusion, the drugs in college made me used to ‘coming to’ in random places. No it was how strange this place was, in particular how bright the light was, and no matter where I looked it was blinding. That is, except for right in front of me where a short man sat. Surrounding him was a bright halo, which caused him to appear as little more than a silhouette.

He only sat there, studying me as I shifted in my seat while I waited for my vision to clear. “Why’s it so bright?” I asked, trying to convince him to speak with me. Instead of answering me he was flipping through some pages and taking notes. “Who are you?” I was beginning to worry about this silent person. I asked, “am I in a hospital, where’s the doctor?” Like he’d done thrice before, he ignored me completely.

I gave up on speaking with him until he was ready since he obviously wouldn’t answer any of my questions. Instead I decided to try wandering around to escape the overwhelming brightness that wasn’t clearing up. “Why can’t I move!?” I screamed at him, it didn’t feel like I was bound. No, it felt like I had no body at all, I couldn’t remember even the most exotic of drugs causing this. “Am I…” my voice trailed off as I thought about living as a quadriplegic. My distress was overwhelming, but instead of my heartrate rising or my blood pressure increasing, I felt nothing. This further fueled my fear as I continued to not feel the physical responses I expected, which resulted in a vicious cycle that got so bad I’m sure I’d be gasping for air in a panic attack if my body would react.

“Soon, I need to review your file. Do not worry you’re not paralyzed.” I thought about protesting for answers, but decided that I didn’t need to anger this mysterious man. As I waited I tried to remember how I ended up here, but I was unable to recount anything before this room. ‘It’s a shitty nightmare!’ I thought to myself, realizing that the setting was ridiculous and instead of having weird hands I had none at all. Furthermore, the lack of a physical response to my extreme panic could only be explained by a dream.

I tried taking control of the dream by closing my eyes and imagining a new setting. I thought about being on a creek in the woods, although not perfect I figured it’d be darker and serene. When I reopened my eyes I was still in the blinding room, which agitated me. “Give me clarity!” I demanded, startling the man.

“Are you that disrespectful and impatient?” he replied calmly.

“What… no, I just… why can’t I control this dream.” I paused before continuing. “I’m tired of being blinded in this shitty room.”

“Really?” was all he said before quickly scribbling a few more notes. “First, let me assure you that this is not a dream. Second, you are not paralyzed. Third, this ‘shitty room’ is not a sketchy hospital, but the gates of heaven.”

I could only laugh silently, “Then where’s the pearly gates and all that.”

“There are no pearly gates, that’s just a mistranslation, but I am St. Peter.”

This was absurd, I didn’t believe in any of that, I mean it was so illogical. How were Jesus’ miracles less documented than even the obscure emperors of Rome. Why would a perfect God be so incapable of forgiveness or controlling his anger? Unfortunately, when I heard the man claim himself to be St. Peter all these thoughts and more rushed through my mind in a split-second. I realized this was a mistake when he took a few more notes and sighed.

“Well that’s unfortunate, some people can’t believe it even when it’s right in front of them. You weren’t even close to making it into Heaven, but”

“I’m going to Hell? You’re going to torture me forever because I didn’t believe a stupid set of dogmas. I was a good person, I treated everyone with respect. Sure I wasn’t perfect, but I don’t deserve to be tortured.” I said interrupting him.

“No, but please do not interrupt me again, it’s very annoying.” He said staring me in the eyes until I looked away. It was rare I broke eye contact during power plays, but his gaze was so forceful. It was like he could see everything by looking me in the eyes. Satisfied, he continued, “Do you know what the possible outcomes of me judging you are?”

“Heaven, Hell, and I guess purgatory.”

“Exactly, but did you know there’s actually three forms of purgatory?” I shook my head without saying anything so he continued, “You can think of purgatory as similar to the Buddhist reincarnation, which means that you can be reborn into a better life or a worse life.”

“You said there were three?” I asked when he didn’t continue.

“The third is to relive your own life.”

“But that’s stupid, wouldn’t I remake all the same mistakes and just end up here with the same evaluation.”

“If life were deterministic, then you’d be right. However, your life is guided by four basic forces: your thoughts, your emotions, your intuition, and finally chance.”

“So what’ll be different, will I have better luck or something.” I said sarcastically.

“Tell me where you think each force stems from.”

“You’re probably going to tell me that God affects chance, but the other three are based on my experiences. If I’m reborn in the same life then I’ll have the same experiences, so unless God is going to change my luck it’ll be the exact same.”

“You’re close, chance is determined by God and the other three are determined by your experiences. However, in this life God will change the outcome of chance and you’ll change the outcome of your intuition. Have you never felt that little voice in the back of your mind telling you to do something, did you not notice how it is almost right?”

“Yea, so what?”

“That voice, your intuition, is the experiences of your soul. In your purgatory, your soul will be wiser from this. So even if you were reborn into the same life, you would have different experiences, and not just through a change in chance.”

We talked for some time about the nuances of these forces. He told me that although initially I would have the same thoughts and emotions, my change in intuition and chance would cause me to have different experiences. These different experiences would change my thoughts and emotions, how much depended on me. He explained this cycle at length, but it felt like no time had passed. Rather it was his sharp wisdom or his ability to seemingly read thoughts, our conversation continued with the ease of talking to an old friend. At least until he brought it up, something I wouldn’t be prepared to talk about with people I trusted, at least not honestly, and he expected me to share with him.

“You have 37,521 regrets, of which, four are class A and 12 are class B.” He said in an impartial tone.

“No, I don’t have that many.” I said, really wanting to be done with this.

“You may not realize it since these can be as small as what color toothbrush you bought to oversleeping on the weekend.”

“Well how do you expect me to remember those?”

“I don’t, since they’re not the kind of regrets you bring here with you. But class B’s are the ones you carry through life. Although not debilitating whenever you think about them you wish you’d done something different.”

“And class A’s?” I asked, but I already knew the answer. I was trying to keep from thinking about them since I knew he’d know. Actually, he probably already did, but I couldn’t give him confirmation. I’d had a lifetime of keeping them bottled up so that’d I’d have plausible deniability.

“They’re the ones that are too painful to think about. The ones that always gave you a brief suicidal thought whenever you reflected on them.” He sounded very sympathetic now, like I’d always wished my friends and family had been. Actually, he seemed more concerned for me than even my therapists were. “You need to share them, I won’t reject you.”

“Well I’ve always regretted what major I picked in college. I couldn’t find a job for years, and with it being a business degree I never expected that.” I knew that wasn’t the regrets he was wanting to talk about, but that did always bother me. I felt like a leech on my parents as they supported me, which made me even more depressed, so I spent even less time looking for jobs. It was a vicious cycle that didn’t end until a childhood friend gave me an offer.

St. Peter gave me advice on how to deal with this regret, and how I should have accepted my perceived failure. Although, it wasn’t anything you couldn’t read in a self-help book, it was nice hearing it from such a credible source.

I named off many of my other regrets, from not learning an instrument or foreign language to other regrets I had from my college days. We even discussed the ex I regretted breaking up with. Each time he would support me with good advice on what I could have done differently prior and after the mistake. After we’d discussed 10 of my 12 class B’s, and I was unable to think of the other two, he attempted to bring the conversation to the main topic.

“So don’t you think it’s time we discussed what you really hate. The mistakes that destroyed your happiness.”

“I don’t get why it’s so important to talk about. I’ve already reflected on these more than you can imagine.”

“But I can.” He paused before continuing, “Do you really want to know why it’s imperative we address these?” I nodded my head as he asked. “Because you can’t get into Heaven if you have even one class A regret. Those are like demons that make it impossible for you to enter. They’re the reason you are still blinded before me.”

I sighed, staring off into the bright void to his left. I’d always counted on death bringing me respite from this pain. Rather it was reincarnation, Hell, or even just turning into dust, they were all preferable to the suffering they had caused me.

“Because I let my dad talk me out of becoming a girl when I was four.” I felt defeated at having admitted it. I felt like I was acknowledging that not only was I a failure as a son, but I didn’t even have the courage to be a daughter. My breaths became shallow as my thoughts raced, I was on edge, wired by the remorse and the fear my admission caused. I was ready for even St. Peter to be repulsed and ship me to Hell.

“That wasn’t your fault, your respect for you dad was beyond compare.” He tried consoling me.

“You think I don’t know that. Like I haven’t thought that nearly every time I think about this shit!” I was growing hysterical. He tried backtracking, discussing what sort of standard I placed on a four year old. That disobeying ones parents, especially when they felt so loved was an impossible demand.

Surprisingly his way of looking at it helped. It’s not like the regret went away, but the rage subsided. After I calmed down, he spent a lot of time telling me what I could have done differently to not carry that burden with me. Yet, he offered little in the way of solutions to not repeat the mistake.

“For not taking drastic action when I was 12 to make my parents realize.” This one was easier to share after the last one. This time he walked me through the strategies to avoid the mistake, but didn’t give me much advice to cope if I didn’t

The next two only took a few moments to cover, since really all four of these regrets were the same. “For not having the courage to be myself when I was 19 and for not going to a college that would support the real me.” Like the first two he gave more feedback, focusing on my lack of motivation when applying to colleges. Really, that complacent attitude stemmed from my despondence formed during my teen years as puberty conspired to make my body betray me.

“With that we’re done. As you can probably guess you just barely scored below what is allowed for an easier life. Therefore, you will have to relive your life. All of your memories will be erased and the only thing you will carry with you is a keen intuition from this experience.”

Before I could ask for more information or protest his decision the room went from blinding light to complete darkness.

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Outline

Chapter 2

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“With that we’re done. As you can probably guess you just barely scored below what is allowed for an easier life. Therefore, you will have to relive your life. All of your memories will be erased and the only thing you will carry with you is a keen intuition from this experience.”

Before I could ask for more information or protest his decision the room went from blinding light to complete darkness.

~o~O~o~

Through the darkness I could only tell two things, I was trapped and it was wet. I was confined here until time lost meaning. Not only was I cut off from night and day, I never seemed to get hungry or have any bodily urges to help me gauge time. As a result, I did the one thing you can when trapped in such a prison; I slept… a lot.

During my countless weeks of sleep, I noticed another phenomena that I was powerless to resist. There was a sharp decline in awareness, of conscious thought, and rapid memory loss. To combat this I tried playing mental games while I was awake, but it only delayed the inevitable.

‘2 – 4 – 8 – 16 – 32 – 64 – 128 – 256 – 512 – 1024 – 2048 – 4096’ and beyond that was too difficult. ‘Ok, I’ll just remember the important things. I was talking with saint… shit who was it, saint. Regardless, I need to ignore my dad when I’m four because... why?’

This was how it was when I first started playing the mental games. The knowledge was there, but the details were lost. After playing a round or two I would become extremely tired and need to sleep.

Later, maybe a week or more, it had become almost impossible to even play the mental games. Not only because I had grown increasingly terrible at it, but because I was beginning to lose control of my thoughts. It was such a chore to even force myself to think about doing it, that my ability had declined to the point where it was just frustrating.

‘2 – 4 – 8 – 16 – 24, wait not 24, what was it’ or when I tried to remember the past it had become, ‘I spoke with someone and something happens when I’m three or was it four?’

At this point I started stomping with frustration. How could I have become so incapable of the most basic mental challenges? I knew that I should know 215 power, but now I was down to just four. Not only that, I couldn’t even remember what the numbers represented, I didn’t know why they increased like that. This is the same for my memory of everything. All I really knew was the walls were slowly shrinking on me. Coming closer and closer to crushing me alive.

Weeks of this past until my number game had gotten down to just 2 and 4, and I only remembered that I needed to remember something I had forgotten. To make matters worse, I was convinced that I would be crushed to death any day now.

This fear is what drove me to act, no longer would I sleep in this cave until I was killed; I decided to climb out with all my might. Through the darkness I didn’t know which way was out so I decided to climb forward. Rather it led to my inevitable death or not, at least I’d be taking action.

For hours I struggled, and when all hope seemed lost I saw a small sliver of light at the end of the tunnel, which drove me to push harder. The closer I got the brighter it became until I was peeking out. From there, the rest was easy.

However, as soon as I got out of the cave I was snatched by something. While I was trying to get my bearings I heard my attacker shout, “It’s a boy!”

‘Fuck!’ With his declaration I was able to realize what had happened and where I was at, but that was my last thought.

~~~~~~ ******** ~~~~~~~~ ******** ~~~~~~

“Look at me, I’m a princess.” James shouted while wearing a pink skirt. He was having fun swinging a toy light saber at the other kids while playing dress up. To him it was a joke, the four year old was merely having a good laugh from the irony.

Joining in on the fun Chris picked up a toy sword, the kind a medieval knight would have used. He was quick to join the banter after swinging the sword at each other a few times Chris said, “but a knight can’t fight a lady.” Both of the boys, along with most of the other kids in the class were enjoying the stupidity of what was happening.

Normally the kids weren’t allowed to have sword fights, they were props for plays, but since the teacher had stepped out of the room the chaos had ensued. Wanting to keep the fun going, Chris went and put on blue dress before he announced, “but a girl knight can fight you.”

At this point nearly all the kids were laughing, not at the boys in skirts and dresses, but with them. The amusement had gone from civilly loud to a riot. Never had the young boys done something so absurd, which was saying a lot. Still, the noise had become so unreasonable that the teacher from the neighboring room came to check on the students.

“You all need to sit on the rug until Mrs. Harrison gets back.” At this point she noticed Chris and James pointing their toy swords at each other, so she continued “Boys, you know you aren’t supposed to fight each other, even if it is pretend.”

The students scrambled to their spot on the rug while Chris and James handed Mrs. Olson the swords before sitting with the others. Neither took the time to undress out of fear of making the teacher even madder. It took two minutes before Mrs. Harrison returned to the class. It was obvious she had heard about the boys’ antics since she was quick to scold them before allowing the class to resume recess.

Up to this point everything had been fun and games, but here is where Chris and James showed their difference. Once their lecture was over, James kicked off the skirt before returning to other rowdy games. However, Chris didn’t, for whatever reason he realized that he liked wearing the dress.

That’s why even after James had taken his off, Chris continued to wear the dress. He actually went so far as to play house with the girls during that break. When he went to play with the girls they tried to get him to be the dad since they usually couldn’t get a boy to join in on their games.

“No! I’m going to play the mom or the big sister today.” It wasn’t the first time he’d played house with them, but it was the first time he’d done it in girl’s clothes, and he refused to let the fun end.

“But you’re the only boy.” One of the girls said in a whiny voice.

“I’ll do it next time, but I’m already wearing a dress.” Chris laughed as he said this because of a combination of embarrassment and excitement.

“No I’m going to be the big sis and Taylor is going to be the mom.”

“Fine then, I’ll be the baby girl.”

The debate continued for a little while until the girls gave in, deciding it was better to have him skip out on being the dad than not play with them anymore like he’d threatened. It was a blast for Chris as he really got into the role, sure it was just play, but he was enjoying himself more than any other time he’d played with the girls.

Around a half hour passed before the teacher called time. The rest of the day passed quickly for Chris due to his high from play earlier. Even better was that since it all began as a ridiculous joke, none of the kids teased him for wearing a dress. Sure it wouldn’t happen again, but it was ok since it was so fun.

“How was your day sweetie?” Chris’ mom said when he got in the car with her.

“It was fun, we worked on our vowels today.”

“That’s wonderful, did you have fun?”

“Yes, I played house with the girls.” He decided to leave out the part about a dress so his mom wouldn’t ask him why. He knew that if she found out he’d been sword fighting he’d be grounded or worse.

The rest of the day was uneventful, at least until his dad called after dinner. This was Chris’ favorite part of the day, the nightly call. The relationship he had with his dad was that of pure love. Sure his dad was a truck driver, so he was rarely home except for weekends, but he made a point to find a pay phone nearly every day, which was impressive back in 1994.

“How are you son?” Chris’ dad asked happily.

“I’m doing great. I miss you.”

“I miss you too son, so how was your day.”

“Promise you won’t get mad or tell mom.”

“You know I won’t promise that.”

“Well at least try not to.” His fear wasn’t that his dad would find out his boy was in a dress, but that he was breaking the school rules. Although his parents spoiled him, they had little tolerance for misbehaving.

“I’ll try not to.”

“Today James was wearing a skirt and playing with a sword.”

“That’s funny.”

“It looked fun so I put on a dress and played with him.” Chris paused a moment trying to figure out the best way to say it before continuing, “Afterward I played house with the girls.”

“Did they make you play the dad again?” His dad asked, thinking he already knew the answer.

“They tried to, but I wanted to play the sister since I was already wearing a dress.”

“Oh wow.” He said somewhat surprised, but not particularly concerned.

There was a long silence, not enough to be awkward, but almost. “Dad… I want to be a girl.”

“No you don’t you just think you do because you had fun at play.” He had started speaking quickly, which was rare for him.

“But I really liked it and it made me feel good.”

“You realize that being a girl isn’t like play. Trust me, it’s better to be a guy.”

“But” Chris started to protest before his dad cut him off.

“Let me ask you son…” he said emphasizing the word son, “don’t you like girls?” It was a leading question, even if Chris didn’t realize it.

“Yea”

“Which is why you don’t want to be a girl, you want to be with a girl.”

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Chapter 1

Outline

Chapter 3

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Author’s Note: I had some people ask why I switched to 3rd person. This is to show a difference in characters. Chris and the protagonist share a body, but are not the same – think of Chris as the 4 year old and the protagonist as the ReLife'r.

~o~O~o~

“You realize that being a girl isn’t like play. Trust me, it’s better to be a guy.”

“But” Chris started to protest before his dad cut him off.

“Let me ask you son…” he said emphasizing the word son, “don’t you like girls?” It was a leading question, even if Chris didn’t realize it.

“Yea”

“Which is why you don’t want to be a girl, you want to be with a girl.”

~o~O~o~

The brilliance of my dad’s line rivaled Johnnie Cochran’s, “If the glove does not fit, you must acquit.” It was such a logical position that I couldn’t argue the first time I’d heard it. After all, how is a four year old supposed to know gender identity and sexual orientation are different?

I’d spent years in therapy trying to cope with not pressing the issue, but still couldn’t. Anytime I thought about it for more than a moment I’d have suicidal thoughts, which could only be chased away by drugs and alcohol. Of course that wasn’t a healthy long-term solution, but I didn’t care, if I were lucky they’d kill me.

Four was the last chance I had to experience the childhood my birth stole from me. Afterwards, I put a mental block on the idea and began to act like a proper boy should. That meant feeling only one emotion – anger, which led to fighting and hate. Sure there were moments of happiness, but they were drowned out by the constant need to prove I was a good son.

“Hello. Son are you there?”

My thoughts were bashing to escape. ‘No they’re not the same. I am a girl!’ I was screaming with all my might, but couldn’t force the words. It was obvious my opinion was being considered, but I realized that I couldn’t control his thoughts.

“Are you ok son?” He asked obviously concerned. Although I couldn’t say if it was because of the silence or because of the nature of the conversation.

“Yeah I’m fine I was just thinking about it.” Chris paused before he added, “I really feel like I want to be a girl, why can’t I do both?”

It wasn’t what I hoped to say, but this was different. I remembered submitting to his twisted reasoning; acknowledging that I liked girls so I “must” be a boy, but now he was arguing back, even if it wasn’t as forceful as I wanted.

“Listen son, this isn’t a decision you should be worrying about now.”

“Then would should I?” He was getting into the argument; he was starting to take a stand, even if he lacked resolve.

“When you’re older, for now you just need to focus on school and enjoy your friends.”

“How old?”

I could hear him breathing, as he thought about what to say. It was obvious he was coming up with an argument to end this, instead of thinking up some arbitrary age. There was a long silence before he said, “Look son, I would rather wait until you’re older to have this conversation, but I can tell it’s important to you. Why don’t we wait until I get home to discuss it?”

I begged for him to push the issue, to not give my dad time to think of a list of arguments. He was a brilliant man with a lot of free time, so if he was given another three days to plan his speech and counterarguments, I knew he would convince the four year old. ‘Say no, it’s important and we need to discuss it now’ I pleaded, but it fell on deaf ears.

“Sure dad, good night and love you.”

“I love you son, good night son.” He said putting more emphasis on the word son than he had any other time.

After the call ended I was furious, he’d made a point to call me “son” seven times after I told him how I felt. Sure you can attribute it to believing it’s a phase or a little confusion, but he didn’t have to emphasize I was his male child like that. My thoughts raged on, but it wasn’t the four year old who was thinking them. He was just worried about getting ready for bed.

The next few days I tried to figure out the details of the phone call. Why did I suddenly have the thoughts and memories of my past self? Had this knowledge always been there or did it come from somewhere? And why could I not make the child say what I so desperately wanted?

Although I only had the one experience, I assumed that it was because of how important this event was. After all, this was a more traumatic experience than the accident that put me in the hospital for two-weeks.

By Friday, I noticed that my thoughts had become murky and difficult to control again. Although, that doesn’t accurately describe it, it was more like our thoughts were melding, where I no longer had my memories of the past or the independence of an adult mind. Instead, I was becoming one with the ignorant, innocent child.

“Son, are you finished with dinner?” Chris’ dad said.

“Yes sir, what do you need?”

“Good, then let’s talk outside.”

Chris’ tried to guess what it could be about as he made the short walk from the table. He knew he’d been well behaved and done well at school the past week, so he shouldn’t be in trouble. “What is it?” Chris asked, practically anticipating a reward.

“Do you still want to talk about it?” His dad said uncomfortably.

“About what?”

“What we talked about on the phone.”

“When I told you I want to be a girl.”

“Exactly son, so how did you even decide this?” His dad asked, likely another leading question.

Chris went into vivid detail; he talked about what caused him to try on the dress, what he did while he wore it, and what emotions he felt during all this. By the end Chris was grinning from thinking about how fun it’d been, and more importantly how it just felt right.

“Have you worn girls’ clothes since?”

“No.” Chris answered without explaining why not. Even if I weren’t able to control his thoughts and actions, I was a part of them. That’s why I knew he wanted to, even if he hadn’t.

“And have you played house with the girls since then?”

“No.”

“Don’t you see son, you just want to play around, which is normal for your age.” Chris’ dad was beginning to act excited. I don’t believe it was genuine excitement, but a trick to help manipulate the child into agreeing. By using a positive energy after he got the desired responses it felt like he was trying to get Chris to feed off of the energy instead of thinking critically.

“But only James wore a skirt and he took his off right away.” Chris said confused.

“And you haven’t worn one since either. Trust me son, if you were meant to be a girl, God would have made you one.”

The mention of God’s perfection riled me from our merged thoughts. I had grown to despise God throughout my previous life. I remembered when I prayed every day to wake up as a girl the way I was supposed to have always been. During this time my prayers started something like, “Dear God, please make me a girl when I wake up, and I will spend the rest of my life sharing your love and happiness.” Yet, every sunrise surprise, surprise, I was still a guy. By my last prayer it had devolved into, “God, I know you’re not real, or you are the biggest asshole in the world, but still I pray you can fix your mistake. If you fix your mistake I’ll repent for my sins and spread your word for the rest of my life.” That was the 365th day I prayed in a row; that was the last day I prayed.

‘God doesn’t know shit! He’s either imaginary or an asshole, either way he won’t help you.’

“Then why did God make me want to be a girl?”

“Son, God gives us free will so he didn’t make you do or want anything. Besides, you don’t want to be a girl, you’re just a bit confused is all.”

The dismissiveness of that was infuriating, how was I stuck with such a shitty birth and conservative parents not once, but twice. ‘No. Just fucking

“Nooooo!” The small voice yelled out. Not only was my dad surprised for being screamed at, but I was surprised. Had I made the child yell or was Chris just feeding off of my anger?

“Next time you yell at me like that I’m going to spank you.” He didn’t say it angrily, but the seriousness of his tone was obvious. “So, no what? No you don’t believe God gives us free will or no you don’t want to be a girl.”

I thought it was funny that both of the choices were leading statements. If I said the latter then I lost, but if I said the former then he would twist it somehow. Although he wasn’t a manipulative man, he was very persuasive, especially to me. Therefore, I decided to go with the safe answer, if I said ‘neither’ then he’d have to make a new argument instead of continuing from there.

“Sorry for yelling I don’t know why that happened, but I guess I just don’t understand why God would let me feel this way.” Chris said.

Just like I expected he turned Chris’ comment into a very convincing argument. He claimed God works in mysterious ways to help us grow as people and my confusion was just a lesson to help me relate to women better. They discussed it a little more, but with his powerful one-liners and my knowledge stuck in the background, there was nothing to be done.

Within just a few minutes, our talk was over. Within just a few minutes, my happy childhood was over.

---

Chapter 2

Outline

Chapter 4 (expected soon)

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DISCLAIMER: This is a "low-budget" novella and should not be considered indicative of my other work's quality. Wanted to get something out to you that I can keep on keeping on with. Too often I grow overwhelmed trying to provide masterpiece quality so writing a "trash" novel may help break my writer's block. Hopefully this is still enjoyable, and if not, hope you check out my other work if you haven't already.

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Be careful what you wish for. The old cliché can really be a problem when the one granting it has no interest in giving you what you want. Hunter is forced into a life he didn't want when his wish is deliberately misconstrued. How will he handle suddenly waking up as his dream girl instead of getting the body of his dreams? Perhaps he can convince the demon to restore what is lost before she convinces him he's better off this way. Then again, she can hear his thoughts and has been playing this game for millennia so the odds are not in his favor.
 

“Don’t you find this world boring? The people live their brief lives searching for something that cannot be found. The limitations of being a part of reality are countless and unbreakable. If life were a dream, a fantasy where the laws of reality were just guidelines, I would enjoy that.” I said as we walked to class.
“Always a dreamer, you know you would have graduated by now if you would work on something else. Why don’t you help me finish my thesis and we can graduate together next month?” Chris asked.
“Just don’t get jealous when I walk the stage before you.”
“Only because of your name.” he yelled back as we went our separate ways.

I had gotten my Masters from Harvard at the age of 20, but I had failed to win my final defense last semester. It wasn’t that I didn’t have a sufficient understanding of my research; it was that I had failed to prove how my research agreed with the accepted laws of physics. I had argued that my research was like several great discoveries that simply discarded previous knowledge to introduce new, more accurate information. However, only two of the five professors agreed that my argument was sufficient. Since then I had developed even more mathematical proofs demonstrating why my magick was possible and surmised methods to create such a device. Technically it wasn’t magick but a method of interacting with prana, which is capable of distorting the behavior of matter.

As the weeks leading up to my final defense approached I could only further strengthen my case and help my faculty advisor with his research. “I’m so glad you’re here Alexander, I need a sharp mind to help me with this problem.” said Dr. Black.
It was a simple problem, but I was regarded by those who knew me as one of the best mathematicians. After around forty minutes I had finished the equation to discover it was a proof arguing against my thesis.
“Why did you have me solve this?” I asked.
“Because I couldn’t, I believed the equation was unsolvable. I would have shared it with you sooner but I wanted to attempt the equation from all angles first.” said Dr. Black.
“Still to have me ‘disprove’ my own work is an insult.”
“I agree, but I never imagined you would be able to solve it, I thought you could add it to your defense when you decided it was unsolvable.”
“Now what?” I asked while growing anxious.
“I will review it to make sure it’s accurate, but if it is I am obligated to use it at your defense.”

I stormed out of the room throwing the marker on the ground. All the way back to my room I was disgusted, I had just solved an equation that would keep me from getting my doctorate again. For the next three weeks I worked countless hours trying to find something to counter the equation. I knew that my theories were correct, but I no longer held sufficient evidence to win my defense. During this time I hardly ever left my study, which caused me to get fired from my job and even Dr. Black grew upset with me since I quit showing up for our bi-weekly meetings. The final defense went as expected; I presented a strong argument for my case and answered all of the professors’ questions brilliantly until Dr. Black presented his counter-argument, to which I had little.

It was three days before I heard from the graduate dean; I received a letter that read “We regret to inform you…” the same crap I heard last time, but since this was my second failure I would have to terminate my doctoral studies. I was weeping with anger as I threw the letter in the fire. I began to pack my things so I could leave this place of devastating memories.
 

To Mr. Alexander Lasry,

We regret to inform you that the examining committee had two dissenting opinions. After collaborating with PhD Mortie Black I have decided that it would be unfair for the Massachusetts Institute of Technology to require you to terminate your doctoral studies. The conditions that led to two dissenting opinions were a consequence of Dr. Black’s counter-evidence, which he claims you discovered. Therefore, the MIT School of Engineering would like to reschedule a defense within the next ten days. At this defense your counter-evidence will not be disclosed and different faculty members will be selected for the examining committee. However, we do request that you find a solution to the counter-evidence before attempting to submit this concept to a peer-reviewed journal.

Cordially,

Dean Woods

Fear overtook me as the sirens grew louder. Within seconds I could see the National Guard and SWAT vehicles come into view. “Forget the bags and get on the jet!” I screamed, dropping everything and racing towards the stairs. If they catch me everything would be lost; they would either have me make weapons or kill me. I had to flee before that happened; I had to take the ten steps to freedom…

It had been three years since I broke reality. During those three years the world experienced a rate of change that eclipsed the technological era completely.

It was a time when the expected lifespan rose to 150 due to the changes in medicine. No longer were doctors attempting to cure the flesh, we could actually heal the life-force of an individual. The world’s energy shortage was coming to a close since fuel sources were being used with 100% efficiency. It was the era of magick, and it was my doing.

Despite that, the world had never been darker. Nations across the world were terrified of a power that seemed to have no limits. The weapons had never been more efficient; an entire city could be destroyed in seconds, and unlike the bombs before it, it could be fired again. World War III had begun and everyone felt its effects. It was the era of death, and it was my doing.

The war began by accident when a couple bought their first magic sphere. They were on vacation in Osaka Japan when they tried to use it to heat their room. Typically it would have acted as an efficient heater, exciting the air molecules and generating heat. However, it overreacted melting five blocks, including the Osaka government building and two embassies. On 12 January 2020, ten days after the Osaka meltdown, diplomacy failed and war was declared.

Within months the death count was over 20 million. However, the true horror didn’t begin until June. A Rosenberg Sphere was converted into a weapon allowing prana to be harnessed in a truly terrifying way. The first time the world had seen a magical weapon was in the South China Sea. A naval conflict between the British and the Chinese began normally; jets battled for air supremacy while submarines and destroyers fought on the surface. The British quickly proved dominant, destroying an aircraft carrier and several submarines. Sensing defeat, a Chinese destroyer fired a weaponized Rosenberg Sphere. The bright blue beam obliterated the entire British fleet and the nearby islands.

Nations across the world began trying to create their own Rosenberg Spheres and weaponizing the 10,000 I had already made. Fortunately, no one was able to create their own; they could only modify the ones I had already made. That’s why I was the most wanted man in the world; rather I was wanted as a scientist or a war criminal every nation was after me.

I shut the door behind me after I had climbed the ten steps. The jet had already begun accelerating on the runway as I took my seat. “Sir, they are blockading the runway; we won’t make it.” said the pilot.
“But we have to, don’t stop.”
The jet accelerated as fast as possible while the National Guard drove towards us and SWAT blockaded the runway. By the time we were travelling fast enough for rotation they were just yards away. The pilot pulled back on the stick as the plane began to lift; the blockade proved to be just far enough away as our back wheel scraped the top of the SWAT truck. Despite the victory, the pressure wasn’t gone as I began to wonder if they would shoot us out of the sky.

I didn’t have to wait long for an answer though. My pilot requested I come to the cockpit to deal with a situation. I wondered if the landing gear got damaged during takeoff, but when he told me to put on a headset I knew what the situation was. “Return your aircraft to the runway.” the fighter pilot said.
“I will stall them; you need to get us to 18,000 feet.” I said while covering the mic. “We would love to return to the runway but our landing gear got damaged during takeoff.” It took nearly two minutes for him to respond.
“Land your aircraft or we will engage.”
“And how should we land the jet?” I asked, hoping the question would buy us enough time.
“This is your final warning, land now.”

We were only at 15,000 feet which wasn’t high enough, but it would have to work. I took the co-pilots seat, turned off the radio, and cut the transponder. “Don’t touch the stick or we will die.” I told the pilot. I put the jet in a hard nosedive, praying it would work out. The fighter pilots were quick to pursue, shooting missiles after getting missile lock. Keeping the plane in a full dive, I released flares and took out my Rosenberg Sphere. 4,000 feet… 3,000 feet… 2,000 feet “We’re going to die!” the other pilot screamed. 1,000 feet… 500 feet I activated the sphere and pulled hard on the stick. Normally this maneuver would be impossible, but the Rosenberg Sphere allowed us to not only avoid the ground, but reach Mach 10 within seconds. By the time the fighter pilots could react we had vanished into the night sky.

Everyone was edgy so I tried making jokes about “my awesome flying” to ease the tension, but no one was in the mood. Since it would take 50 minutes to get to my island (even at Mach 10) I told them the plan. “We have to stop this war since a magick war could easily kill billions. Like the nuclear deterrent of the 20th century, we need an even greater weapon to stop this one. However, no mechanical weapon can beat magick as the world has seen, and nothing we’ve developed is powerful enough to deter. That leaves one option, to develop the next generation of Rosenberg Spheres.” I gave everyone a minute to think about what I was saying before continuing, “Some of you may say it’s impossible; others may say we shouldn’t after the horror we’ve seen. To those that say it’s impossible, know that I have already designed such a device; to those that say we shouldn’t, look at history and see how the atrocity of a weapon is quelled with a more powerful weapon. As much as I hate to see magick be used for violence, there isn’t a better alternative.”

The rest of the flight was silent as everyone recovered from the excitement of the flight and my announcement. The plane soon came to a landing and the seven of us made our way to the main house. There were the two pilots, my three research assistants, my personal assistant, and myself. The vibe was still morbid so I gave everyone a tour of the mansion. The home had: eight bedrooms, five bathrooms, a swimming pool, two living rooms, a kitchen, a dining room, and a screened-in parlor. Additionally, there was an underground bunker that included an indoor farm capable of feeding ten people, its own source of water, a lab, and living quarters.

After the tour we went to bed for the night, but I was restless. I couldn’t stop thinking about the day’s events and the upcoming trials. After an hour of lying in sleepless frustration I decided to start the project. Taylor was already in the lab; she was looking through the supplies. “Can’t sleep?” I asked as I opened the door.
“I can’t do this Alexander… I won’t work on something that will kill even more people.” Her voice wavered as she spoke.
“I won’t ask you to.” I held her as sorrow overcame her.

It took a while for her to calm down, but once Taylor did she asked, “On the jet you claimed you already designed such a device, what did you mean?”
“I call it E7. It isn’t a weapon per se, but it should be over 30 times more powerful than the current spheres. Also it isn’t designed for a purpose; it just interacts with prana in its purest form.” We continued to talk for hours about the potential of E7. By the time we finished talking we were both tired. Sleep overtook me quickly and somewhat peacefully after I went back to bed.

The researchers and I spent the next three weeks preparing the materials and revising the blueprints for E7. During this time the war raged on and the casualties grew exponentially. When the announcement that 500 million people had died in the war Taylor decided that the war wouldn’t resolve itself and began working in the lab. She was essential in identifying multiple wrong assumptions, any of which would have destroyed the sphere. It was day 37 when the materials were in order and the blueprint was complete, except for one problem. The complexity of E7 made it impossible to create by hand or machine. Its 2.9 million connections had to be precise and in a constant state of oscillation and rotation. This paradoxical motion is why no one could produce a Rosenberg Sphere that only had 103,000 connections.

After days of failing to solve the problem we all took a break. We had a feast to celebrate a temporary cease fire between the US and North Korea. Although war was still being fought, I thought it might be the start of peace. I decided to grill steaks with corn and baked potatoes on the side. I was checking to see how everyone wanted their steak when Taylor answered. She wrapped her arms around me, squeezing tightly, “I’ll take it hot and pink.” Needless to say, I was excited; I hadn’t been with anyone since my fiancée. Taylor held me while I finished grilling the steaks; we talked about normal things, our conversation drifted from music and movies we missed to the things we never did. “I always wanted to climb a mountain and jump off.” I said as I thought about skydiving.
“I’m a simple girl; I just want to backpack across Europe.”
“That’d be a blast, but you’re anything except simple; you are a woman of intrigue that I would need a lifetime to figure out.” I turned around cupping her chin with my hand. Her blue eyes gazed at mine, my heart raced as I thought about what I should do. The moments passed and I feared what may happen, it was the paralyzing excitement I always felt during romance. It was the one time I wished that I was the woman so I didn’t have to take the leap of faith; however, I wasn’t so I began to lean in for a kiss. Her gaze never leaving mine, the feelings growing as our lips neared.

It was right before our lonely lips met one another that she rubbed her finger on my nose. She had dipped it in barbeque sauce while I was admiring her. “Save it for tonight Romeo.” she winked as she pulled apart and skipped away. I could only stand there watching in utter confusion. I wondered if I should have been quicker or said something else, or perhaps it was foreplay. I was lost in thought until I nearly fell with a thud on my back. “Women, you can only hope to understand them.” Eric, the pilot said. Laughing I told him that I don’t even hope for something that impossible. We talked about love and romance until the steaks were done.

Eric helped me put everyone’s plate on the table in the parlor overlooking the backyard. We all took our seats and began to eat. Around three bites in Eric tapped his knife to his glass, “It’s been a pleasure to be with everyone on Fantasy Island and I look forward to the weeks to come. I pray that we can continue to live in peace and happiness and that we may all meet that special someone.” He looked at me while he said the last part. Everyone agreed as we toasted to peace, love, and happiness. I knew the meals were excellent since no one left a bite.

After dinner we went for a late night swim in the pool. We all played around seeing who could make the biggest splash. It was a much needed break from the usual work, and it gave Taylor and me a chance to enjoy each others company. When we grew tired of jumping around we started a game of water volleyball. Between points I caught Taylor looking at me, but she would always look away when I noticed, and she caught me doing the same. This allowed the passion to grow while I thought of ideas to woo her. The score was 18-16, and it was my serve. I hit it in the deep corner and Eric could barely return it. Taylor took the chance to set me up for a slam, but I let it fall untouched. I was too distracted by the light show beyond.

I guess light show is misleading; it was actually the explosions of a battle no more than 100 miles away. The battle was an awful reminder of what we were here for; we were refugees dreaming that we could stop the horror. “Let’s get to the bunker in case it heads this way.” I said as I got out of the water. Talk about a buzz kill I thought with a little disappointment and a lot of resent. Before we could get to the bunker we saw the bright blue lights that meant this wasn’t any battle; it was a battle of magick. My friends became somber knowing that we were mostly to blame for the people about to die, but I actually got excited. I was inspired with an idea that would either work or kill me. I began running to the lab because I had thought of a way to make something that was impossible to build.

I looked through the supplies grabbing my Rosenberg Sphere and the blueprints. I examined them again to make sure they looked accurate. A working E7 Sphere would be impossible to make due to its complexity. However, I could create a flat, fixed sphere and then animate it with my Rosenberg sphere. The design, although complex was possible for me. (The 2 dimensional blueprint of an E7 Sphere is shown below)

By the time the others got to the lab I was smiling with excitement. “Are you mad?” Taylor asked me.
“Probably, but I figured out how to make the E7. I know I shouldn’t be excited, but the thought of stopping the horror we just saw…” It took several hours of debating before everyone agreed that we should try it.

Even creating it as a flat disc took four days since each connection had to be lined up within a fraction of a micrometer or it wouldn’t work. Thankfully, the work wasn’t that complicated so the pilots were able to help. We expedited the process by each constructing sections that I combined in the proper way. To give you an idea of what that was like, imagine a puzzle with three million pieces that all have the same shape, but only make the picture one way. Furthermore, if you assemble it wrong, you’ll probably die, or at least destroy the puzzle. Therefore, it took two more days to combine all the parts together. During this time my island was fire bombed by the military. I don’t think they realized anyone was here, let alone me, or even the bunker would have been destroyed.

Day seven was the most stressful. Taylor checked my work before I asked them to leave the bunker. The military had already moved northwest so the island was safe for now, and I didn’t want them in here if things went wrong. I laid the disc in an airtight chamber so there wouldn’t be any airborne debris and got my Rosenberg Sphere ready. Taylor had waited in the room while I finished the preparations, “I’m staying to help.”
“I can’t lose you if this doesn’t work, please go for me.” Her frustration was apparent, but she agreed. Before leaving she pulled me to her, kissing me without reservation. The kiss lasted minutes, but time seemed to melt in the heat of the moment. “That’s how you kiss someone; now don’t die so you can try to do it right.” She said as she left, leaving me alone in the bleak lab.

The fear of dying now that I had something to lose was great. I prayed to whatever deity would listen as I poured my hopes into the Rosenberg Sphere. It hummed as it began channeling all the prana in the room, condensing it into the disc. The disc gained a light blue aura as more energy poured into it. The air in the room grew thin as the pressure grew around the disc. Although by now the disc looked like a deflated balloon, but it was quickly gaining size. Within a minute it had become a perfect sphere that slowly began to rotate and oscillate. The motion grew increasingly ornate as all the parts began moving in their own direction at a rapid speed. Soon the E7 Sphere was creating a high pitch whine before it went beyond human hearing; it shattered all of the glass in the room and was beginning to make the steel reinforced walls shake. Dust started raining from the ceiling as the pressure from the sphere grew to extraordinary levels. The pressure had already forced me to the ground, but I was still willing my Rosenberg Sphere to power the E7 Sphere. This continued for a few seconds before I was sure I would die as large parts of the ceiling began to fall around me. When I thought death was certain, the building quit shaking and the pressure disappeared. My Rosenberg Sphere shattered, turning into dust.

The E7 Sphere was rotating at such a high speed it looked solid. The question was now how to grab it without messing up its rotation or destroying whatever touched it. When I couldn’t think of any good ideas I decided to use my hands to pick it up. Surprisingly, I wasn’t able to touch it because it had generated a field around itself. The field was easy to interact with. It was like grabbing soft foam when I picked it up. The sphere looked like a dark metallic ball with a dim blue glow.

I grew increasingly excited about the accomplishment thinking about how Taylor would react. I ran to the elevator to get to the surface so I could show everyone, but it was destroyed by the ‘earthquake’ earlier. I didn’t get too concerned until I saw the stairs had collapsed. I yelled for the others but I had been buried too deep for them to hear me. I thought about possible escape options, but they all seemed futile. My only chance was to use the sphere and escape with magick. The stairwell seemed like a better alternative since it wouldn’t have a door as well. There was rubble three floors above me and the rest had collapsed below me. I tried moving the rubble by willing the sphere to move it, and then I tried to get it to destroy it, but nothing happened. I spent an hour trying unsuccessfully. I was so upset I started yelling at the sphere, “You stupid piece of crap, you were supposed to save the world and you can’t even save me.”
Surprisingly, I felt a presence in my mind, “To create does not certify control.”
“And what would.” I thought sarcastically.
“A trial and a tribulation; no less, no more for divine power.”

As discouraging as going crazy was, it did steel my determination to escape, even without magick. I went to the living quarters and broke the legs of the bed-frame into sharp spikes, undid the shoelaces of the extra shoes, and found a satchel to put the sphere in. I tied the longer bed-frame spikes on the sole of my shoes and planned my ascent. After I chose a route I stabbed the spikes into the wall that had developed some give from the shaking earlier. It took me several minutes to climb the three floors where the rubble was at. I tried dislodging a small bar so that it all didn’t crash down on me, but I could get through. It wouldn’t budge at first so I pulled harder; nothing happened so I pulled with all my strength, but still nothing. “This isn’t fair, if it would just move out of my way I could climb this.”
“Trials and tribulations; a brave act for a small sample.” The presence in my mind told me. I tried pulling on the same bar, but instead of struggling I ripped it clean out. The hole was small, but I was able to fit as I climbed the last two floors to daylight.

Before I could even get on my feet Eric had pulled me up, “I was sure you died when the ground shifted, what happened?” I briefly told them everything, except the voice in my head. Once I finished telling them, Taylor let me have it for making her worry like that, and I was too exhausted to argue. After she relaxed I asked how we could leave; fortunately, the jet survived because they didn’t destroy the hanger. We all began gathering our remaining supplies and clearing the debris on the runway. It took hours before everything was ready and the sun set.

I had another sleepless night as I planned how to stop the war with a sphere that didn’t work. Hours passed without any decent ideas. I was about to start shouting with frustration when the presence returned “Morale motivations, permits provisional power.”
“Does that mean you’ll help me?” I thought, but never got a response.

The sun rose too quickly as we got ready for today. The engines hummed as we took to the sky; our destination was Sri Lanka. A large battle would probably happen in the area since several military superpowers had moved to the area after India was conquered. It was a golden opportunity to prove to the world that they were outclassed and needed to cease fire. It was my chance to stop the war before it caused irreversible damage.

The flight there was uneventful until we were 30 miles from Sri Lanka. Our jet was instructed to reroute because of a temporary no-fly zone, which meant that we were close. “Fly to where they tell you and be safe. I will see you soon.” I told the pilots before going to get ready. On the way to the cargo bay I saw Taylor. I tried to find the words to describe my feelings or to ease her worries, but they failed me. Instead I could only give her a smile that betrayed my intentions, “Come back to me.” she said more worried than before. I tried to think of something to say, but when I couldn’t I just waved while walking to the cargo bay.

I had stored several parachutes and a wingsuit in the cargo bay for skydiving purposes. I checked my gear and repacked the chute while the pilot lowered our altitude to 14,000 feet. “14,000 feet sir; go kick some ass.” I heard the pilot say on the intercom. I opened the door and prepared for war. I jumped out of the bay, and within seconds I was falling rapidly before I spread my arms and legs, gliding to where I needed to be. The beauty of the world from a 2.5 mile freefall is unmatched by anything else. The freedom of soaring through the air without a glider or a plane is indescribable. Unfortunately, I couldn’t waste time enjoying the beauty as I began looking for ships. This proved to be simple since the military had already started skirmishing for air superiority. I flew towards the ships they were coming from.

Everything changed when I deployed my parachute; I went from an invisible phantom to a target. Eight seconds passed until the anti-air guns targeted me. I put all my concentration into making a shield, but nothing had happened. I saw the shot leave the barrel and heads toward me, as it approached my fear turned to panic. “Please protect me!” I begged E7 pulling it close to my heart so it could feel my prayer. The flak exploded ten feet away as I clenched preparing for a gruesome death. Instead I felt nothing, when I opened my eyes there was fire swirling around me. This happened constantly for twenty seconds until a pair of fighter jets approached. As they flew towards me the flak stopped, but the jets fired missiles and machine guns. I prepared for the impact, but felt nothing; unlike the Rosenberg Spheres, the E7 didn’t conform to the assault, its defense felt impenetrable.

Feeling “comfortable” I grabbed my radio to announce that I was an American who had come to help. This didn’t change anything as the barrage of fire continued. I was at 3,000 feet when they stopped firing. Instead, the largest of their destroyers pointed a golden barrel at me. Its barrel was around four feet in diameter, and a blue light grew brighter as I prepared for chaos. I willed my sphere to fire towards the destroyer. Rather it was an American vessel or not, it was between me and it, so I steeled my resolve and tried to fire my own shot. It took around two seconds before the beam of light raced towards me to erase my existence. It was close, but before it reached me I had managed to fire a beam towards them. Unlike their solid blue beam, mine had layers; its inner layer was an inch in diameter and was a radiant white, and it was surrounded by a blue beam similar to theirs.

It was like a Dragon Ball Z fight with the blue beams struggling to gain dominance. Yet, the white inner beam effortlessly sliced through theirs, hitting the ship and creating a white bubble. The bubble was around a half mile that soon dissipated to reveal nothing. It was a massive implosion that caused the ships, the water, and the air to disappear. It was strange since one moment there was a battle between two navies and the next an entire fleet was gone leaving a crater in the water.

I watched the remaining fleet to see how they would react. I hoped they would flee and tell the world, but instead they made me their primary target. I reformed the shield before the missiles and flak reached me. The battle seemed similar to the other one, except for one key difference. The remaining fleet prepared to fire magic weapons at me, but instead of one they had three. I tried to destroy them before they could fire, but they were able to shoot at the same time as me. “Trials and tribulations precede divine power, perhaps next life.” the presence mocked as it failed to do what I needed. Instead of something that could block the three shots like I was hoping for, it fired the same shot as last time. Although the white beam created an implosion destroying the fleet, their shots hit me in the chest. The agony was excruciating, it only took a split second, but the pain felt like a millennia.

My last thought before the pain became too much was of Amelia, my late fiancée. Her green eyes seemed to be able to gaze into the depths of someone’s soul. Her wavy hair had a youthful elegance unlike any other, but it was her smile that I missed the most; it was so beautiful it could warm the coldest of hearts. At least she didn’t see the suffering I caused was my only consolation before I passed out from the pain.

“I thought there were but eight.” said the man with a deep voice.
“There are.” replied the other with a melodic voice.
“Then how do you explain her?”
“I can’t.”
“What should we…”

Their conversation continued, but I couldn’t stay awake any longer. Strange dreams pulled me down the rabbit hole. I saw a pulsating light that changed shape and color; it was a kaleidoscope of ‘knowledge’ that opened itself up time and time again to reveal more information. It felt chaotic as everything grew brighter and faster until it became an unchanging radiant blue plane.

I was in the plane with someone in the distance. Her eyes were green with an amethyst ring along the edge. This ring seemed to radiate the intensity of her gaze into existence. After studying me for a while she said something; I could tell it was important, but I couldn’t hear what she said. I tried to get her to repeat herself, but the world disappeared.

“She’s waking up.” I heard a woman say.
“I was beginning ta worry about her, she’ll probably need a drink.” said a nearby man. I tried looking to see who they were and who they were talking about, but my vision was too hazy.
“Drink this it’ll make you feel better.” I took a sip from the cup the woman offered. The drink tasted terrible, like cheap wine. “Drink more miss, you have been asleep for days.” she said as she handed me the cup. I managed to take several more gulps before the foul taste caused me to gag. Despite the bitterness, it helped me become aware of my surroundings.

There were locks of wavy hair in my eyes so I brushed it aside. You would think a person would then become aware of their delicate hand or the weight on their chest, but this wasn’t the case. Instead I noticed how small the house was, if you could even call it a house. It was one room; there were two small “windows” and one door. The furniture consisted of a couple wooden chairs pushed against a crude wooden table, a bed in the corner, and a cupboard. There was also a small fireplace burning three logs and an oven made of clay and tile.

After looking around the room… I mean the house, I became aware of myself. I was sleeping on a large sack stuffed with straw and a small burlap sack stuffed with something a little softer. A large cloth had been draped over me like a sheet. I was taking everything in when I felt burdened; the sheet was pulled over me too tightly since it was crushing my chest.

“So what’s your name? I’m Runa and my husband is Anzo.” she asked while giving a welcoming smile.
“Alexander.” I thoughtlessly replied while I fiddled with the sheet.
“I’m sorry mam’ what’d ya say yer name was?” her husband asked with a thick accent.

Until he asked that I was wondering where the woman they were talking about was, but my mind began connecting the dots. When I realized they were probably referring to me I grabbed at my hair realizing it came to my mid-back. I also realized the pressure I felt on my chest earlier wasn’t because of the sheets, but because of my breasts.

I was so distraught I could only think of one name, “Amelia” I said.
“It’s a pleasure ta meet ya. Are ya okay you look pale?” Anzo asked.
“Yes, I’m just nervous since I don’t know where I’m at.” I said while unsuccessfully trying to calm myself down. My voice had risen several octaves, and no longer resonated in the air. Instead it had a melodic hum as I spoke.
“You’re in our house which is outside of Vindonissa.” Runa said as she gently squeezed my hand to help me relax.
“Where’s that?”
“It’s just a few leagues from the Rhine River and a day’s ride from the Danube; it’s on the southern edge of Alamanni lands.” Anzo said.

I knew that the two rivers were near each other in Europe, around northern Switzerland, but I thought it was strange that they referred to distance in leagues not miles or kilometers. I had also never heard of the Alamanni or Vindonissa. “What’s the date?” I asked as I pondered the strange way he gave the location.
“It’s November 20, ya have been asleep for two days since I found ya.”
“What year?” I asked.
“298.”

I stammered for a moment while my mind raced. I wondered if it was a weird dream, or perhaps a bad prank. Either way, my mind seemed to overload and I collapsed on the sack bed. I imagine I passed out, since I woke up with Runa beside me. She commented on how much my color had improved.

As I stood up a lock of hair fell in my face confirming that it wasn’t just a nightmare. “Where’s your restroom?” I asked with urgency.
“Our what?”
“Your restroom… your toilet.” I said while fidgeting with the wool dress I had been clothed in.
“I don’t know what that is, perhaps you can describe it.”
“I have to pee, where can I do that?”
“There’s a pot outside.”

I grimaced at the thought of not only relieving myself as a woman, but in a pot. Humiliation washed over me when I opened the door and saw a clay pot. It had a number of stains from its previous “visits” and offered no place to take a seat. I stood there for a while as I thought about holding it, but I knew it was a fool’s errand, so I resigned myself to my new life.

The first day continued forward with a great deal of awkwardness. Between me constantly referring to things that didn’t exist or doing things that were considered rude, I felt like an outsider. I had forgotten that only the wealthy drank things other than wine and beer in the past, when I asked for water. They laughed it off, but I could tell it was offensive since it emphasized their poverty.

By the time it was dark I was relieved to go to sleep, to escape from my reality and into my fantasies. Sadly, the only dreams that presented themselves to me were chaotic; they were filled with the sounds of steel clashing, fires raging, and women screaming.

I woke up shortly after dawn. Runa was gently humming as she cooked breakfast. “Good morning.” I told her as I made my way to see what she was cooking. She was boiling eggs and had already prepared some cheese.
“I knew you needed your sleep; breakfast will be ready soon.”
I offered to help, but she gratefully declined.

When she served breakfast there was only a plate for me. She joined me at the table with a cup of wine as we spoke. Our conversation was less awkward today since I had begun to orient myself to the culture shock. We spoke about things like the current events (of 298), which I thought was humorous, what she thought about Vindonissa, and how I ended up here.

I was surprised to learn that Anzo had found me nude on a grass hill when he was returning from Aventicum. It was a five day ride that he had made to do trade. Thankfully, he was only a few hours from his home when he found me or I probably wouldn’t have made it since I was dehydrated, starving, and freezing.

Our conversation continued well after I had finished my eggs when she asked about my culture. It was obvious I wasn’t a member of the Alamanni, “…from your mannerism to the way you speak, even your name is foreign.” as Runa put it. I decided to claim I couldn’t remember, since I didn’t know if they were aggressive towards the Romans or the Goths, the only other cultures I knew from that time.

After hours of talking with Runa I realized how much I owed them. Not only did he save my life, but he was giving me food and shelter. I didn’t want to freeload off of the people showing me such kindness so I went looking for Anzo. I found him several acres away from the house, in the middle of his peas’ field. We exchanged greetings as I made my way through the rows. I watched him for several minutes to get an idea of what he was doing before I started helping. His look told me how much he appreciated the help, even if he stayed silent. The work lasted till sunset with the exception of an afternoon meal.

By the time the sunset, I was exhausted. I couldn’t remember having ever done so much work. Granted I was used to working 10 or 12 hours per day, but the physical effort left me exhausted. For the second night of my new life, sleep welcomed me as I lay still in the makeshift bed.

The night passed similar to the last, horrible dreams of slaughter. As the women were violated and killed, the children were beaten unconscious, and the men died for honor I grew disgusted. I cursed as I watched everyone die, unable to help.

No matter where I looked it was the same despair, and then I saw something even worse. Anzo had been backed into a corner by three men; he was protecting a girl no older than six. The men took turns attacking, toying with him as they cut him in the arms and legs, avoiding the killing blow. With the last strike he was brought to the ground as they cut his thigh. The sadness was too much when he begged for the life of the girl, begging them to do what they will, but to spare her.

That is when I snapped, screaming with rage in my desperation to save Anzo. However, I was powerless. Then the largest of the three men approached Anzo smiling with satisfaction. He raised his sword and brought it down with all his might.

My heart stopped and so did the sword. Actually, everything stopped, from the embers in the air to the men assaulting the town. However, the sounds of crying and yelling continued. Amongst the loudness I almost missed it. No louder than a whisper I heard, “Tis the tribulation if you fail your trial.”

The frustration of my dreams pulled me from my sleep. I debated if it was a nightmare or a vision, if that voice was the same from earlier, or what I could do to prevent it. Realizing that more sleep would be impossible because of my racing thoughts I decided to start my day.

I went outside to answer nature’s call and to avoid waking Runa or Anzo. It was another brutal reminder of what had been lost as I carefully leaned over the stained “throne.” As I waited for nature to takes its course, I tried to think positive, to find one good thing of this crappy situation. Of course I could only think about avoiding falling in or my nightmare. That is until I noticed how bright it was even for morning twilight.

The view was magnificent, I could see more stars than I knew existed. Countless stars spread across the sky in a twinkling brilliance. Part of the reason I owned my island was for stargazing, but not even that could compare to this. The light of the night sky filled without the interference of a single manmade light anywhere in the world… words could not describe its beauty.

Nearly an hour passed as the sun rose. Runa broke me from my trance when she came outside. “Beautiful isn’t it?” she asked, already knowing the answer. “Breathtaking” I said without any hesitation; the golden rays had replaced the stars above.

We entered their humble home to enjoy the breakfast she had made, it was beets and bread this time. Hardly the breakfast of champions, but it was enough to allow me to take on the day. Nothing significant happened while we ate, merely discussing the weather and upcoming harvest.

I was surprised to learn that Anzo planned to return to Aventicum to gather the supplies he’d need for his winter harvest. It seemed strange to make such a long trip so soon; however, it was necessary since he didn’t have two horses to pull a large cart, nor did he have a large enough cart for all the supplies regardless.

As we worked in the fields, finishing the preparations to harvest his peas and potatoes he told me what he hoped to do. “I know ya just got yer strength back, and ya still only have half yer wits, but I’d like ya to come wit me.” I was eager to see more of this time than just their small farm so I eagerly agreed. “It’s ma hope someone’ll recognize ya in the town, or ya may know them.” Anzo said, “If not yer welcome to come back wit me.” He added as an afterthought. “That’s a great idea, and no matter what I’ll help you with anything you need.” I assured him.

A fortnight passed until Anzo was pleased with his crops. During this time I continued to learn more about the Alemanni, how to cook without modern conveniences, and most of all I became more comfortable with my new body. Except for nature’s calls that is, that still disgusted me to no end. If it weren’t for that part I may even have enjoyed it all, but that daily reminder was beyond gross.

It was mid-December when we loaded up the wagon with our necessities. In addition to the bedrolls, some food, and a small axe; we took as many beets from his fall harvest and peas from his quick growers as possible. Since they had almost no gold or silver he bartered for supplies with the crops they grew.

The ride was refreshing, we followed a trail just off the river, which led straight to Aventicum. The air was crisp as the sun began to set; which is when we found a clearing to sleep for the night. While he gathered wood for a fire, I laid out the bedrolls and gathered some water from the nearby river.

Once he’d started the fire I made a vegetable soup with beets, potatoes, and peas. After Runa’s teachings the soup came out really well compared to my earlier attempts. As we ate Anzo told me we’d covered nearly a third of the way. “The road gets hilly, and winds round, we’re gonna go slower from here but we’re in a good place.” After dinner we crawled into bed for my first night away from the farm.

The next few days passed similar, eating raw vegetables while we traveled and a meatless stew at night. Our progress continued to slow as the road turned into a trail, until it was nothing more than a clearing in the woods. By day four two things had become apparent; ancient travel was painfully slow and I was jealous of him “marking our trail” whenever he had to pee. It was a noticeable contrast to whenever I had to freeze up to my thighs as I hoisted my dress above my waist.

The fifth day ended with Aventicum just beyond the horizon as we found a place far from the trail. Due to his budget we couldn’t afford a room at the inn, so we tried to seclude ourselves to avoid furtum*. I was disappointed that we couldn’t see the town tonight, but I wasn’t surprised. However, when he killed the fire so we wouldn’t have any unwelcomed guests I was.

To make it worse, it was the coldest day since I had arrived in this time. It couldn’t have been much above freezing, and there was a northern breeze that made it unbearable. Even under my bedroll I couldn’t stop shivering, I could just pray that morning came quickly.

After nearly a half hour I gave up on sleeping and hoped that watching the stars would help the time pass. Of course, it was too cold for even that to take my mind off the shivering.

“It’s a bitch, tha cold goes through ya like daggers,” Anzo said as he rolled to face me. “No, I’m alright,” although my teeth chattering betrayed my words. He gave me a small grin that I couldn’t see without the firelight as he stood up. He took off his wool sagum* and handed it me, “here try n’ get some sleep wit this.” At first I tried refusing his gesture, “you need it as much as I do.”

“Buy a lady should always be warm.” When Anzo told me that I just gave a weak thanks, remembering not for the first time how much had changed. When I put on the sagum I could still feel his warmth; it enveloped me in its comforting embrace, causing the shivering to stop within a minute as my tired eyes closed.

I awoke at sunrise, I was relieved to have gone through the night without nightmares or to have awoken half frozen. Anzo awoke shortly after, stretching as he came to. I thanked him with great sincerity as I tried to return his sagum, but he told me to hold onto it since we were due for another cold day. We repacked our things as we led the horse back to the trail which had become a road yet again. On the short ride, probably around three hours, we ate breakfast and discussed his trading plans.

His goals were to meet with Bernard, since he was wealthier than most even though he had no lands so he tended to pay the most for good crop. Of course we would barter with him first getting the scythe and new shoes for the horse. Afterwards, Anzo wanted to stop by one of the main inns and start trying to find someone who recognized me while we had a hot meal. Lastly, we would get a few ingredients for pickling. Since salt was beyond expensive, especially outside of Rome, we would be getting vinegar so we could preserve the harvest.

He had finished explaining his plans when we came to the outer wall; it actually took my breath away. I didn’t realize how the “savage barbarians” of history could have built something so imposing. It was around 15 feet in height, at least 5 feet thick, and it circled the city entirely. The gate was the least impressive part, it was made of a wood that was around 12 feet high and had to be 3 feet thick.

Anzo saw my look of astonishment and laughed, “it’s amazing isn’t it. We conquered it from Rome just o’er a decade ago.” At least I understood how the city was built, but it didn’t make it any less impressive. “We owe it ta Adalwin, he led us ta victory,” he added as I continued to stare.

A large part of why it was still so impressive is how they could possibly conquer this from Rome. Furthermore, I had never seen an intact ancient city, just the ruins which do it a great disservice. While I was standing in awe, Anzo spoke with the guard about our business, where we were from, and how long we planned to stay.

After they spoke the guard began looking through our cart before he waved us by. As we crossed the gate the scope of the city took on its true magnificence; the Roman design apparent. Beyond the well laid out houses, there were multiple temples, a theater, an amphitheater, and baths. Normally I would be excited to clean my filth after weeks of farm-work and travel; however, due to the freezing temp, I actually dreaded the thought.

I followed Anzo through the grid like roads until we came to a shop on the corner. It had a small smelter and an anvil, which immediately let me know we had come to our first stop. I knew they were more than just business associates when the man stopped hammering the glowing blade and pulled Anzo into a friendly embrace. “It’s good to see you my old friend and who’s your friend.” He asked as he noticed me standing just inside the posts. “It’s always too long between visits, and the first thing ya ask is about ma lady.” Anzo said in somewhat playful banter. “Well unless Runa’s fallen ill you don’t have room for a lady this beautiful.” He said as he walked up to me, “my name is Bernard and it is my pleasure,” he grabbed my hand giving a half bow as he finished his sentence. “Amelia, and you do me too much honor.”

However, between being called a lady, beautiful, and the last part I was blushing profusely. Me… blushing? I could hardly believe it, and I absolutely refused to believe that I actually enjoyed it.

“My lady, it would be an insult to say any less than the truth when such a gem comes to my shop.” By this point I was just looking away my cheeks much redder than they were from the cold. Anzo clearing his throat to regain Bernard’s attention, “perhaps we could get onta business.” Rather he said it realizing my distress or wanting to conclude business so we could return home, he felt like my savior again.

“Of course, so how do you plan to take advantage of me this time,” Bernard said playfully. “By any beauty necessary,” He winked at me when he said this, “I mean by any business necessary.” Both men chuckled as my cheeks grew redder than the snapdragon’s I saw on the long trip. By this point I was disgusted with myself for behaving in such a way. As I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind I began to look around the shop as they continued their business.

Between swords, axes, and farm equipment I could tell that Bernard was an excellent blacksmith. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was the best in Aventicum, and one of the best outside of Rome. However, it was a dagger that caught my eye. This was the most marvelous piece I’d ever seen outside of the ceremonial weapons at temples or replicas in a museum. However, for a battle-ready weapon, its beauty was unmatched.

It had a black leather grip that was smooth except for a piece of blue-dyed leather that was twisted around it diagonally. The dye matched the gem, likely sapphire, in the pommel perfectly. The gem was a small circle that was encased in a silver cage. It only had a crossguard between the grip and blade, which was also made of silver that angled back towards the handle. The blade was smooth, except for a single midrib and the intricate design that flowed outwards. The blade was double edged, around 9 inches before coming to a sharp point. The craftsmanship on the blade rivaled any artwork I’d ever seen, a beauty that could take lives I thought to myself.

I had been staring at the puggio for nearly an hour as I heard the men say their farewells. Sighing as I walked away from the dagger I complemented Bernard on his skill, “you are without a doubt the most talented blacksmith throughout all the land.” I said genuinely. “And you are the most beautiful, which is why you should carry this for your protection.” He had grabbed the dagger I had been staring at. “But I couldn’t, you could sell that for a small fortune.” I backed away as I said that, not wanting to take such an unreasonable gift. “To hades with fortune, I can always make another, just keep it close on hand so you are safe.” He said as he handed me the dagger and the silver sheath.

Without thinking I gave him a hug as my breasts pressed into his chest. It was weird, I’d always wondered what women felt when that happened, and now I knew, it felt good. He chuckled as he returned the embrace, whispering in my ear “do ut des” (I give so that you may give). Before letting go I kissed his cheek and whispered back, “Oblata arripe, et secundum ritum” (Take what is given and do as requested).

I skipped to Anzo who was waiting for me. “I’m surprised he gave ya that; he always said he’s saving it for someone special. I thought he meant his daughter.” Anzo told me as he stood up. When he said that I looked back, but Bernard was back to work as he forged the blade he’d been working on when we arrived.

We had sold all of our supplies to Bernard for more than Anzo hoped to get. Claiming a certain lady kept Bernard from haggling as well as he normally did. I only thought Anzo was half-joking considering he gave me a dagger that probably cost as much as his shop.

After stabling the horse and parking the wagon, we walked to a nearby pub. Given how well his trade went Anzo splurged for some lamb, which was cooked with aromatic spices and served with bread. Sadly, this was the first meat I’d had since I came to this time. The pleasure stormed my mouth when I bit into the lamb, the flavors combining in a delicious way and the juices bursting out. Despite lamb having been one of my least favorite foods in times future, after a month without meat it was delicious.

After we finished eating Anzo spoke with the owner of the pub, asking if he recognized me. He gave them my name, and after a moment of thinking he let us know that he didn’t remember me, but gave some suggestions for where else to try. We spent many hours asking various innkeepers and shop owners, but no one recognized me, and not to sound vain, but I wasn’t the type of person you easily forgot about.

By the time we gave up the sun was already low in the sky, no more than two hours from sunset. Anzo was disappointed by the fact that no one remembered me, and that we had killed too much time to begin our trip back. Instead, we finished buying the things we’d need: vinegar, jars, and some extra supplies for me.

None of these stores resulted in anything exciting, just bartering before we went to our next stop. Nonetheless, it was twilight when we finished, but we had everything prepared so we could leave at first light in the morning.

* Furtum – theft of property or fraud
* Sagum – a rectangular cloak that came below the knee with a leather (could be metal) clasp around the neck. Typically worn by Roman military duing cold weather.

The bells cried out with urgency, their ringing loud and persistent. Each strike echoed throughout the room we were staying in. My still half-asleep mind cursed the churches for being so obnoxious so early in the morning. I turned on my side hoping to ignore it; I was enjoying sleeping in an actual bed for the first time in far too long. It was futile since the ringing grew louder and faster, its panic amplified by the sound of people yelling and running.

I was mostly awake from the commotion, “shit! That can’t be.” Anzo turned to face me, with a seriousness he rarely showed, “the sounds of war,” he replied solemnly. I jumped out of bed with more enthusiasm than when I was a child on Christmas. Of course the cause for my energy wasn’t excitement, but dread. From the second floor of the inn I couldn’t see over the wall, but I could see the men running to the eastern wall grabbing whatever weapons they could find. Women and children taking refuge in various places, rather it was their homes, the temples, or a few other public buildings.

I watched the panic as my mind struggled to grasp everything. It was impressive how quickly the men gathered, trained soldiers and guards separate from the “militia” who were mainly using farm equipment for weapons. All the while women and children were running the opposite direction towards the center of the city.

“Why is this happening?” Everyone else’s worry had spread to me, for everyone to panic in such a way. “They want their city back, but we’ll die before they can have it.” Anzo said looking angrier than before. “First things first, we need ta get ya ta a safe place, then I’ll join the others.” His expression softened as he looked at me. “I refuse,” my resolve was absolute as I stared him in the eye, “I will fight with you.” He stammered before finding his words “but… no… it’s just… ya will do as I say and ya will be safe with the others.” His concern was touching, but I wasn’t backing down, “No I won’t, if you fail then I’ll be a slave, let me fight for my freedom and your life!” I was screaming at this point my frustration nearly bringing tears to my eyes. “Battle is no place for a woman, let ma fight with honor without worrying about ya.” I could tell he wouldn’t back down, his values would never agree to let me join him, but I wouldn’t back down either.

We argued for far too long given the urgency of the situation. Instead of wasting more precious time I “agreed” to wait at the Cigognier Temple. Anzo gave me a questioning glare, his distrust apparent, but even he also felt the urgency of time. We quickly gathered a few of our things and raced to our places. He was going to stop by the cart to get his axe as I ran towards the temple. As soon as I turned the corner and out of his sight I made a left instead of going straight for the temple. There was no way I was going to let this battle play out as I hid.

I decided to join the untrained men instead of the proper soldiers. I was watching the men stand around as a man on horseback road back and forth in front of them. “We will fight for our homes, we will fight for our families, and we will remind these Romans why they should stay out of our lands!” He gave a dramatic pause as everyone cheered, “The gods favor those with honor; these invaders have no honor. We’ve seen how they treated our brethren, what they did when we had talks of peace in times past. Now is the time for glory, so you will be remembered as the brave who defeated the Romans for time immemorial!” All the while the men were cheering, chanting, and cursing the Romans. Satisfied with the response he was getting he continued, “This is still a central crossroads for the Roman legions, although they have gathered on the eastern wall, we believe they will flank from the south after the battle begins. They must not pass through here.” All the men quit cheering as they listened to the details. “You will leave through the western gate and wait in the woods. If you here the trumpet sound thrice you will storm from your hideout and flank them. If they begin wrapping around the wall you will destroy them without mercy.” The men cheered again, but the enthusiasm from earlier had died down. “Do not fear death, the gods bless those who die with honor. Instead fear defeat, think of your women and children as you kill those bastards!”

Raising his sword he rode from right to left, each man shouting louder than any sports fan I’d ever heard. After crossing by all the volunteers he met up with the other officers who had given a similar speech to the guards and soldiers. Everyone from the reserve raced towards the western wall. No one realized the stupidity of the plan as they gathered at the western gate. The guards atop the wall with bows drawn looked outside. Satisfied that they didn’t see any opposition they yelled at the men who waited anxiously. “We will open the gates and you will do as instructed. Keep it fast and quiet, our victory may very well lay in your hands.” Once the gates opened it was chaos as the men began pouring out. However, what no one expected, would change the tide of battle.

Before even half the men could exit the walls hundreds of cavalrymen stormed from the woods we had planned to take refuge in. The result was disorganized chaos as some men charged, others tried to retreat into the gate, and those still inside who were clueless kept pressing forward. The design of the gate quickly revealed its flaw, by opening outwards, it was impossible to shut with so many men in the way. Rather they planned for it or not, the cavalry rode even harder to exploit our confusion. Slicing into the unarmored men with ease as they chopped down the ranks. This wouldn’t have been a complete disaster if it were just the cavalry but another 200 infantrymen were following quickly.

I tried yelling for everyone to fall back into the walls, but I couldn’t be heard over the clashing of steel and the screaming of the dying. The distance between the gate and the Romans continued to be cut down as the guards tried in vain to shut the gates. It was less than a minute before the cavalry were at our walls; the infantry not far behind since they weren’t having to fight the hundreds that lay dead. By now there was few enough of us blocking the gate to try shutting it, but whenever the groups of men would try the scorpiones* would pick them off. This futile effort continued for nearly five minutes as another 30 died in the process.

With the overwhelming strength of the assault and the lack of gear or training, the volunteers retreated to wherever their will carried them. Most ran to protect their families, some to protect their fortunes, and others to protect their lives. This is when the battle turned into a massacre.

I scrambled with the mass retreat, not hoping to go up against a cavalry division with a dagger. As I ran to the eastern wall I heard our trumpets ring thrice. Not only had they broken through our western wall they had begun the siege on the south. The walls we hoped to protect had turned into a prison as we waited for certain death.

*scorpiones – a type of mounted artillery piece, highly accurate used for killing people instead of sieging
walls, could fire 3 bolts per minute (resembled a little ballista or a mounted crossbow)