I usually write basically nice stories that could be labeled as comedy. Every now and then something very dark comes into my head. I usually don’t publish those stories.
Please note the WARNING.
As I stand by the door to father’s office I reflect that I had hoped it never would have been necessary to talk with father, that I could have found another solution.
I really had tried to suppress my feelings, my conviction, that I am a girl. Ever since the age of six when I understood. I know that those feelings are so fundamentally wrong. That I want to reject what I have been created as, that I want to set myself above my creator, that I can’t find humility.
I’ve failed. I’ve failed miserably.
It goes against everything I’ve ever learned to believe. Against the convictions of our entire community.
I tried to suppress my girlhood. I really tried but it’s there all the time. Oh, how I’ve have suffered for the ten years since I realised that I am an abomination.
I’ve even thought of ending it all but wouldn’t that be an even bigger sin? I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I have to talk to my father. I hate him and he hates me but despite all I’m still his dutiful son.
I enter my father’s office and tell him.
”Even if we never have been close I had always thought that you were a dutiful son. You have tried to repent?”
”Yes father. I have tried and tried … and failed.”
”You understand that I can’t suffer an abomination.”
"Yes Sir, I understand"
For a moment he sits still without an expression and then he opens a drawer in the desk. I’m elated! Even though I hate him and he hates me I’ve read him right. I had been afraid that he would rant at me or even given me a thorough beating. As he brings out the heavy object and extends the arm I’m filled with a serene calm.
BANG!
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While I welcome private messages my emotions when writing this were a bit too raw to allow public comments with possible flame wars.
This is a fictional story about one specific person’s specific situation and not intended as an attack on any entire belief system and all the wonderfully varied believers.