Lucien struggles to fit in with the other boys and his father knows it. A business trip provides the father with the opportunity to leave his son in the care of a family friend who promises to 'sort out' the young boy.
George Bushell loved his younger son but he did not understand him. He was so different from his older brother, that was for sure. Whereas Rene was a macho sort of a boy and, it has to be said, quite a selfish one, Lucien was sweet and kind. Where Rene had a head of hair shaved fashionably short on the sides, Lucien had hair that nearly reached his shoulders. Both boys missed their mother as did George. She had fled back to France to start a new life and they hadn’t heard from her in over two years. They had recovered, the three of them, and were now a tight unit again but the experience had left Rene as a much harder individual and Lucien… well, he was just a continuing worry; he was not like Rene, he was not like George- not like any other boy in fact. He seemed to spend all his time with girls and had far too much interest in all the things they talked about. He needed help, he knew that and his friend Sally was just the person who could help him.
“I don’t really understand Lucien,” he told her over coffee in the small café where he and Sally met every Saturday morning. This had been the routine ever since he emerged from the deep gloom that had settled over him after the sudden departure of his French wife. It was Sally who coaxed him out into mixed company again. Obviously, there was talk in their small town about the two of them and, more specifically, about the intentions of a widow with a son and daughter of her own. Many people felt sorry for George. They could see how his wife’s desertion had floored him. Yet, only Sally approached. It was she who suggested coffee in town, ‘where everyone can see us both!’
“And tongues can wag,” George replied when he agreed that the time had come to pick himself up after too long in despair. So, each Saturday, they met. Sally’s daughter Frankie had dance class and the coffee and chat with George was far preferable to the rushing around the supermarket she used to do.
“Lucien is great, I don’t know why you worry,” she said. “He’s a very sweet boy, Frankie adores him.” That was true. They spent a lot of time together.
“I think I need to admit defeat, though,” George said. “I knew what to do with Rene but Lucien is a mystery to me.”
Sally smiled. She knew that Lucien sometimes had a hard time at school. Frankie told her and she knew even though she didn’t go to the same school. Other children called him names. But she also knew that the young boy refused to react. Frankie told her that, too. She knew that Lucien had a strong centre.
“Why not let me help?” Sally asked. She smiled and George floated an idea that grew into a plan.
Business took George away more than he liked. Looking back he could see how it had contributed to the breakdown of his marriage. It was something he only addressed when it was too late. His business trips had by necessity reduced in number and duration since he became a single parent but they did not disappear altogether. A combination of help from his own parents and friends had helped him manage. Now he was under pressure from his boss. The latest engineering project in the Middle East was not going well and he was required to more closely supervise things; a trip that could keep him away for months. Saying no was not an option and his attention went instead to how he would fulfil his responsibilities and look after his children.
It was agreed. Lucien would stay with Sally and her children while George was away. Rene was happy to stay with his friends. The relief he felt flooded through him, not just were his child care concerns sorted but Sally had agreed to help sort out Lucien. Everything seemed to be falling into place.
“Leave him with me, George. I’ll see what I can do,” she said, leaving him pleased that at last somebody would take his younger son in hand.
“I would be so grateful,” he replied. “I think maybe a woman’s touch is what is needed here.”
“When you return from abroad, you won’t recognise him.”
And so it was that three weeks’ later, as planned, Lucien was collected from school by Sally. The farewell that morning had been hard for both father and son and everyone thought it best that George take him to school as normal and then leave for the airport later. Driving home, Sally could sense some awkwardness but the atmosphere lightened as soon as Frankie joined them. To her relief, both children started chattering away and comparing notes over plans for the evening.
“I hope homework features somewhere in these plans,” Sally said to their reflection in the car’s mirror. They giggled back and she could see why George worried about his younger son. His hair frequently fell across his face causing him to brush it away with a gentle sweep of his hand. The gesture was similar to Frankie’s and she noticed how alike they were. Their mannerisms mirrored each other even though Lucien’s hair was longer. It could do with tidying up, though.
“If you could do something with his hair, I would be pleased” George’s voice echoed in her head. She made a mental note to arrange an appointment for the weekend.
At home, the children raced up to Frankie’s room where an extra bed had been placed at George’s expense. This thrilled them both beyond measure and they spent quite a lot of time jumping up and down and giggling over the thought of sharing a room.
“Do you want to put up some of your own posters?” Frankie asked.
Lucien shook his head, “These are great,” he said taking in the posters of ballet dancers and celebrities. “I can stare at this one from my bed,” he continued looking up at a poster of a ballet boy in black tights and a leotard.
“Might give you sweet dreams,” Frankie suggested before dissolving into loud laughter that quickly infected Lucien.
Sally heard the children from Peter’s room where she had placed herself to listen in. She understood why George was concerned.
“It is a little like he doesn’t know what is expected of a boy,” he had told her. “Boys look at him and wonder what he is. The girls meanwhile are amused by him. He doesn’t really fit in, anywhere.”
“He just needs to be himself,” Sally had reassured him.
“He needs sorting out,” George had replied and then told her he was confident she was the person to do it.
His mannerisms may have been more girl than boy but his clothes were completely male. When he changed out of his school uniform he put on jeans and a rugby shirt. It didn’t quite work and Sally could detect the work of a father who hoped his son would live up to a specific image of manhood.
“Might as well get started,” she thought to herself. This was a project after all. “I’ll take it slowly and change one thing at a time,” she had told George. This suited him. He understood that it would take a bit of work to get where Lucien needed to be.
“Lucien, let me tidy up your hair,” she said as she interrupted the children playing in the bedroom. It didn’t escape her attention that they were both playing with Frankie’s doll collection. She had too many, Sally thought, but Lucien was always drawn to one in particular, a doll he called Maddie.
“I don’t want my hair cut,” he replied almost alarmed.
“I said ‘tidy it’ not ‘cut it’, don’t get all agitated!”
He subsided somewhat and wondered if he had been rude. His father was always trying to coax him into a haircut. Rene sorted himself out which is why he had such weird hairstyles but Lucien had grown his hair longer ever since his mother left home. At first, it was another of the jobs his mother did which George didn’t realise needed sorting out and when he noticed just how long Lucien’s hair was he found his younger son had grown attached to the style and got upset whenever cutting it was mentioned. His infrequent trips to the hair dresser had only resulted in ‘tidying it up’. This was not enough as far as George was concerned.
“It is quite long,” Sally remarked as she brushed it through. “Longer than Frankie’s I think.” The boy looked at himself in the mirror as he sat at Frankie’s dressing table and enjoyed the sensation of having his hair brushed. It was true that his hair fell into his face now and it could be quite annoying but he was determined not to have it all cut away.
“I’m jealous,” Frankie declared from over on her bed. “He has blonde hair and mine is black!”
“Not black, but beautifully dark,” Sally replied thinking all the while that it would be nice if her daughter grew her hair slightly longer and let her brush her hair just like this.
Sally picked up a hair band from the dressing table and pulled his hair into a pony tail. She positioned it quite high on his head, no mistaking her intention. He didn’t complain or question it and just returned her smile in the mirror; in fact, he beamed and bounced back to his doll on the bed, his pony tail swinging behind him. As she left the room he was brushing his doll’s hair into her own pony tail.
“We’ve started, George,” she said under her breath as she went downstairs.
Thousands of miles away, George sat in a hotel bar after a long day travelling. For the first time in ages he had been able to concentrate, really concentrate, on his work. Not that he hadn’t thought about his boys many times throughout the day, but the worry was reduced. Also, he knew that in Sally’s hands things might change for Lucien. He might even have short hair again when he returned home; that would be something to look forward to. He smiled as he lifted his drink. “Everything will be alright,” he said out loud.
At dinner, Sally kept an eye on her guest. He was more animated than she had seen him for a while, maybe it was her daughter’s influence or maybe it was the swish of a pony tail every time he moved his head. Whatever it was there was no sign of home sickness and her son Peter, home from school much later than the other two, helped keep things jolly as they sat around the table. Her son was growing up fast, he was as tall as his late father had been and had the same good looks, or so Sally thought. His sharp hair cut accentuated his fine features and at fifteen he was more man than boy. Sitting between Frankie and Lucien the contrast was stark. Lucien adored him, though, and she was so pleased that her son always made the younger boy feel better about himself, even if his habit of shortening everyone’s name meant that Lucien was always Luci to Peter.
“Why do you call me that?” Lucien had asked when they first met.
“Well Francesca here tells me your name is Lucien. What else should I shorten it to?” he had replied.
Lucien was more interested in Frankie’s real name to pursue it further so Luci had stuck whenever Peter was around.
At bedtime, the children went off to bed without fuss. Frankie, who would normally have made a fuss and dragged her feet at the injustice of going to bed before everyone else, was first up the stairs. Sally looked in on them when they were fast asleep, Lucien in the pyjamas she noticed had footballs all over them. “Nice try, George!” she thought. Now, in bed, with his long hair falling over the pillow and his doll Maddie clutched in his arms, she could see why he struggled at school, with friendships and with life in general. She was so pleased George had trusted her with this project.
Lucien fell into their routine so quickly it felt as if he had always been around. The fact that he went to a different school from Frankie meant an earlier start for them all but, this aside, everything worked well. Sally noticed that his hair went into a ponytail as soon as he came home. Frankie, quite skilled at getting it looking good for him at just the right height, was regretting having her hair cut shorter. But Sally knew that, by the time of the salon appointment, she could get the next stage underway.
And so it was that, the following Monday morning, Lucien walked into school with his hair tied back, his first outing with a ponytail. Frankie had tried to tie it low on his head to reduce the name calling she was sure he would endure but he had insisted she tied it up properly. He had loved the salon experience but was taken aback slightly when Sally had made it clear he would either have his hair cut or wear it tied up ‘in line with the school rules’.
“I’ve read the rules, Lucien, and it clearly states that long hair must be neatly tied back. It is the same at Frankie’s school, so she chose shorter hair.”
There was no way Lucien wanted his hair cut. It had been a battle of wills to get it this far; his parents had always kept his hair short and it was only after his mother left that he realised he could get away with more things. He loved his hair and wanted it longer.
He didn’t approach the salon with any enthusiasm. Three times he checked with Sally that he wasn’t having it cut but only ‘tidied’. He wasn’t reassured when the hairdresser, Ruth, picked up scissors.
“I’m not having it cut,” he said, somewhat sharply.
Ruth smiled. Sally had already briefed her on what to expect. She patiently explained to the young boy that, to get a good longer style, he needed to have it trimmed ‘just a little’ so that it could be trained into shape. She used the word ‘sculpted’ a lot.
So Lucien relaxed and she went about her work chatting the whole time about how lucky he was to have such fine hair and such a beautiful colour. With the gown on, and with Ruth lifting his hair up and out, it actually made it look longer and for a moment he pretended to himself that he was a girl.
He went red as he thought about this, as if Ruth could read his thoughts. She smiled back and the moment passed.
Back home he kept his hair down rather than tying it up. Now it was off his shoulders, he could feel the ends rub his chin when he moved his head. Sally knew it was a much more feminine style and she wondered why he didn’t object or look shocked when the work was finished. When she picked him up, he had bounced over to her, holding Ruth by the hand, so that she could admire the finished effect.
George was right, he did need her help. Lucien was a different child with this new look and he didn’t complain when Ruth handed him a hair clip with a butterfly on it. “A little present, to make you come back to me,” she had said. He didn’t wear it when they left the salon, he wasn’t ready for that yet, she noticed, but he held it in his hand the whole way home and looked at it continually.
It was Peter who said his hair was pretty when they got home. Sally and Frankie exchanged glances expecting Lucien to react but he smiled and twisted a bang around his finger. It was also Peter who, seeing what he had in his hand, took the hair clip and slid it on the young boy’s head.
“There!” he announced. “That finishes it off nicely!”
Lucien fingered the hair clip in his pocket that Monday morning. He didn’t need it, now that his hair was in a ponytail. He tried to slip onto the playground without being noticed. Seeing as how very few boys liked him, it always confused him that they spent so much time talking to and about him. He hoped that the fact that there was one other boy with hair tied back would mean he was not that unusual. He was wrong! The sniggers started first, girls as well as boys looked his way and then giggled inside their huddles, and then came the comments… or taunts.
It didn’t take long for a group of boys from his class to gather around him. To any observer, you would think he was quite popular with all the people he had attracted, forming a circle from which he couldn’t escape, even if he tried, which he wasn’t going to as he knew his limitations!
“I love what you’ve done with your hair,” said Steven Gates, a particularly nasty specimen as far as Lucien was concerned. Steven flicked his ponytail several times and then seemed pleased with himself as Lucien ducked his head away only to cause the ponytail to bounce around more.
“I think we need a little adjustment, though,” he continued as he called over to one of the girls at the edge of the group. “Lend us your flower, Jayde” he said and he took a hair band with a giant pink flower and slammed it on Lucien’s head. “There, that’s better!” he announced.
The group dispersed amidst laughter and Lucien pulled the hair band off his head. It was cheap and nasty, he thought. He would buy a much more elegant one, himself. He reached to the back of his head and knew that the ponytail Frankie had taken ages over that morning had been dislodged. He intended to go to the toilets to put it right but the whistle went for the start of the day and they all had to stand still. He was aware of Jayde just to his side. When they were released she moved towards him but a teacher appeared at his side.
“You there, tie your hair back. You know the school rules.” Lucien hesitated as did Jayde. “Come along, put your hair band on,” the teacher continued.
“It’s…” he began.
“It’s mine,” Jayde stepped in.
“I wish you girls would stop swapping hair bands. It is unhygienic you know.” He marched off leaving Jayde looking apologetic. “Sorry,” she said. Lucien handed her back her hair band but didn’t say anything.
“Shall I help tie up your hair?” Jayde asked. He nodded. He needed it doing or he would have a day of being stopped by teachers, some who obviously didn’t know him, telling him to abide by school rules.
Jayde did a fairly good job, not as good as Frankie but good enough. It was still quite high on his head, as he liked it.
“We meet over there at playtime,” she said. “Join us if you like. It’s just a few girls who like to stay away from the flying footballs.” She left, leaving Lucien to hurry to class. He was going to be late and that meant entering a room full of people staring at him. So much for being invisible!
He joined the girls, sort of, at playtime. He edged closer to them because he had nothing better to do and nowhere else to hide. The laughter from people in his class had hurt but it didn’t last. There was only so much fun to get out of the fact that he now had a ponytail. By playtime, the whispers and sniggers had pretty much died away. Playtime, though, was different. There was another group of people to notice and laugh at him. The girls in the corner seemed to be the best option. Jayde noticed him but didn’t do anything at first. Eventually she came over to speak to him.
“I’m sorry about earlier.” I should have known that Steven would be awful. I should never have given him my hair band.”
Lucien shrugged. He wasn’t quite sure what to say.
“I don’t even like this hair band. It’s a bit cheap and nasty if you ask me.”
“It’s alright,” Lucien answered. She smiled.
“My younger sister gave it to me. She’s over there.” She pointed. “She would be offended if I didn’t wear it at least once.”
Lucien smiled at this and taking this as a sign of friendship she pulled him into the group.
Later, when Peter asked him about his day, he told him about Steven and Jayde.
“Steven Gates is a squirt,” he replied. Lucien laughed. He would love to have Peter at school as his protector. But he was older and went to a secondary school. He would like to go to school with Frankie but she went to the best school in town and they had no spaces.
“Why get upset when he makes fun of you?” Peter asked.
“He called me a girl this morning,” Lucien replied. He didn’t tell him that a teacher had mistaken him for a girl, he still felt too odd about that. Steven Gates could make fun of him and call him names but an adult had really thought he was a girl. That was different.
“Nothing wrong with being a girl,” Peter said.
Later, Lucien stretched out on the carpet playing dolls with Frankie reflected on Peter’s comment. There was nothing wrong with being a girl. He still felt odd that a teacher had mistaken him for one. He was clearly a boy as far as he could see when he went off to school each day. Here, though, with Sally, Frankie and Peter he felt more relaxed and he knew he behaved differently in this safe space. He had his butterfly clip in his hair and nobody made fun of him. At school he would have been eaten alive! Here, he played with his doll, something he would never admit to at school. His clothes had changed slightly, too. He was wearing black skinny jeans, just like Frankie’s. He had long admired her very tight jeans, especially when she wore them with her red converse. Now he had a pair of his own, shame about the black converse, and a top just like Frankie’s. It was more of a vest than a shirt but it was light grey, quite long and they looked good together when they wore the same things. Shame about the black converse!
He was keen to thank his papa when he phoned him that evening.
“The new jeans are fantastic, Papa,” he said. “I love them!”
George could hear the delight in his son’s voice. Once again he was reassured that Sally was sorting things out for him. Leaving her money to buy new clothes was a big help and a weight off his mind; he never knew what clothes to buy his sons. He pictured him with his new haircut and jeans, maybe looking more like his older brother.
At the other end of the phone Lucien twisted a strand of hair around his finger and did little air dances with his hands. Sally, listening in, could hear that he was building up to something.
“Can I have some new Converse, please Papa?” he asked. From his face, she could tell George had said yes. She knew what colour he would go for!
Lucien didn’t mention his day at school. He had never told his father about the horrible names he was called or the things they did to him. He thought it would be a burden and his Papa had enough to worry about since his Mama left. His brother had told him many times to ‘man up’ but he wasn’t sure what that meant.
Back in his room he thought about the advice from Rene and the advice from Peter. His brother thought the answer to everything was to be tough. Fat lot of good that did when you weren’t! Peter, on the other hand said there was nothing wrong with being a girl. He thought some more about it. He knew he was a boy, he knew he didn’t fit in, and was certainly nothing like the other boys, but that didn’t make him a girl. But that teacher thought he was a girl. It made him feel funny thinking about it. ‘There was nothing wrong with being a girl!’ He agreed with Peter. ‘Nothing wrong with a boy having a ponytail… and playing with dolls, either!’ But, where did that leave him?
At bedtime, Sally told him his pyjamas were in the wash so he would have to wear something of Frankie’s. It didn’t bother him at all even though he thought his dad had packed several pairs for him. He didn’t make a fuss as Sally handed him what looked like a long T shirt but was actually one of Frankie’s nighties. It was pastel blue and had a kitten on the front. Frankie wore one exactly the same. “I didn’t know I had two…” Frankie began.
“You don’t do the laundry,” Sally shot back with a face that suggested no more talk was needed.
They were allowed some extra time downstairs before bedtime. Peter read them a story and they snuggled up, close to him, one on each side. Sally loved the way her son was so caring and sweet. He had certainly made Lucien feel at home and to see both children, heads resting on his shoulders looking at the pictures in the book, was a lovely scene. Her late husband would have been so proud of him. Her attention turned to Lucien who was so comfortable in the nook of Peter’s arm, his legs curled up under him, playing with his hair. Together with Frankie they looked like a pair of girls transfixed by their big brother.
It was this thought that led to her error, something for which she could have kicked herself. “Five more minutes, then it is time for bed girls,” she said. As soon as the words left her mouth she realised she had said the wrong thing. “I don’t want you up late on a school night,” she continued hastily, trying to cover up her mistake. She knew she was red in the face so busied herself tidying around the room. When she did look up, Peter had closed the book and was kissing them both on the cheek.
“Sleep tight,” he said. The children moved away and hugged Sally before going up to bed. No fuss, no arguments, no mention of her mistake!
Sally was relieved but looked across at Peter. If George found out she had wrecked his plans at this stage he would be entitled to be very cross with her. “I need to be more careful!”
“What do you mean?” her son asked.
“I called Lucien a girl, by mistake!”
“Mistake? There’s nothing wrong with being a girl, mum!”
“And nothing wrong with being a boy either,” she said taking her son into a hug.
“We just need to be ourselves!” he replied.
In bed Lucien and Frankie chatted as normal. This was the best time of day as far as he was concerned. He didn’t have anyone to confide in at home but here every day had a built in therapy session when he went back over the things that happened, good and bad and Frankie usually made them alright.
“Thanks for lending me your nightshirt,” he said. “Do you have two of everything?”
“No!” she replied. “That must be a new one.”
They didn’t think much more of it but Lucien liked it, preferred it to his pyjamas and was glad that he had a reason to wear it. Best of all, no one at school needed to find out about it.
Lucien's father is away on business so he is staying with at his friend Frankie's house. Frankie's mother, Sally, has agreed to look after the young boy and help him find his true self!
Lucien ignored the taunts and jokes and carried on wearing his hair in a ponytail every day at school. After a while there was nothing new to say! He was actually quite pleased with himself. He loved his ponytail and didn’t want to change it. Now, with the novelty worn off for everyone else, things were a bit quieter. That and the fact that he spent his playtimes with Jayde and the girls meant he had people to be with. For the first time he had some friends. They talked about things he wanted to talk about. They asked his opinion on things. He found the confidence to ask them about which colour Converse he should get and whether hi or low tops were better.
So, when he went shopping with Sally and Frankie on Saturday he didn’t buy the red hi tops he had thought he would get but chose pink low ones instead. He was confident in his decision despite being asked several times by both Sally and Frankie if he was sure. Back home Peter confirmed for him that he had made the right choice.
“Great choice, Luci!” he declared. “You will turn a few heads with these!” Although he wasn’t sure what that meant Lucien was delighted that Peter was impressed by his choice.
The young woman in the shop who served him obviously mistook him for a girl because she told him all the girls were choosing pink low tops at the moment. Frankie was jealous, he could tell, so ended up with an identical pair of her own. Sally, pleased that George was paying, decided they looked good together when they wore identical clothes.
The pair of children walked in front of Sally as they left the shop, both in black skinny jeans and black long t shirts. The pink Converse that they insisted on wearing was the only splash of colour on show. His hair was down and quite long so, from behind he looked just like a girl. In fact, he looked like a girl from the front as well. Something intrigued him as he walked along because he kept looking in the shop windows at his reflection. She thought again about how there had been no reaction when she accidentally called them both ‘girls’, and he didn’t seem to mind or correct the shop assistant who obviously thought he was a girl. She thought again that George was right and that this plan was necessary. She would reassure him when he rang that Lucien had never looked more relaxed.
George, meanwhile, found his time off in a strange country was time he didn’t need. He thought about the breakup of his marriage and his sons. His mind turned once again to Lucien and Sally’s offer of help. He wondered what he would be doing now, maybe playing football with Peter and some friends or maybe shopping for some more appropriate clothes. He was quite relaxed to think that Sally would be on top of things for him.
The two girls skipped along in front of Sally oblivious to everything other than each other. They laughed at each other’s jokes and walked with their arms around each other when they weren’t rushing off to look in shop windows.
“Luci, look!” shouted Frankie at the entrance to Claire’s. “Wouldn’t it be great!” Lucien stared through the window where a boy was getting his ear pierced. He was more or less the same age as them but he had very short hair. Lucien watched to see how it went. He wondered if it would hurt. The boy didn’t flinch but looked in the mirror at this addition to his image. Lucien was surprised when the assistant moved to his other side and prepared to add an earring to the other ear. He was intrigued. He knew boys who had one ear pierced but this boy was getting both ears done.
Frankie was less impressed by the boy and more keen on trying to win over her mother. “You said I could,” she declared.
“I said you could when you are eleven!”
“That’s only six months away…” she tried.
“So wait six months,” Sally said.
Lucien watched the boy closely as he got out of the chair and his parents admired the look and paid. They seemed quite alright with the idea that their son had two pierced ears. He was so busy concentrating that he missed most of the conversation Frankie and Sally had and was surprised when they went in the shop themselves. He thought at first that Frankie had persuaded her mother to let her have her ears pierced but they were both looking at what he thought were bracelets. They were actually anklets and mother and daughter were trying to decide which ones went best with pink converse and black skinny jeans.
“Luci, will you have the same?” Sally asked. He nodded and before they left the shop they both had gold anklets on their left legs. This was another addition that fascinated Lucien.
In bed on Sunday night, he went over the events of the weekend. Shopping had been a big adventure. He didn’t realise it could be such fun. The pink Converse were the best thing but he also loved the jewellery. They had bought bracelets and necklaces before they left town. Everything they had matched which is probably why so many people thought they were sisters. They bought white hooded tops with Coco written over the front. He wasn’t sure what that meant but he liked the design. He didn’t object when he was mistaken for a girl. Why would be insulted? ‘Nothing wrong with being a girl’ Peter said.
When they stopped for lunch the waiter had complimented Sally on her lovely daughters. Frankie and Lucien laughed and Sally accepted the compliment by saying, “Thank you, I think so too!” He wasn’t sure what he was doing, really. When he was with Frankie, he got caught up with everything. He liked what she liked and her liking things made him like them too. Better still, when he was at school in his group of friends he could now join in. He understood what they were talking about and discovered that not only did he have views but they were listened to.
As the weeks went by, he carried on with the same routine. He thought of his school uniform as a sort of disguise which he put on only to get through the day safely. He found himself admiring Jayde’s uniform, especially her black tights, and he noticed which girls had pierced ears and which didn’t. The clothes he and Frankie wore were always the same. He loved the dungarees especially with his pink Converse, he wore them A LOT! He also liked the skinny jeans which they matched with different tops. Getting dressed had never been this much fun before.
His mind kept going back to the day he saw that boy get both his ears pierced. He wondered if he could get away with it. Frankie, too, was keen to be allowed to wear earrings and she kept up her campaign to persuade Sally. Peter joined in too.
“Why not, Mum?” he said.
“Oh, not you as well,” she replied exasperated by his involvement.
“Do you want earrings?” Lucien asked him, somewhat surprised.
“Not me, no… but Frankie does and you do don’t you Luci?”
Lucien nodded because he really did but didn’t say it out loud because he did not dare to. So he was both pleased and alarmed when Sally gave a pantomime sigh and agreed. Frankie cheered, Peter smiled and Lucien beamed.
Frankie went first. Her confidence convinced Lucien that it couldn’t hurt much. When it was his turn he jumped in the chair too. Sally looked on but held her reservations in check. She could see why this change was exactly what she had agreed with George but she worried that this was a little too quick. They only had one stud per ear, nothing fancy, but they were both so proud and they spent every opportunity playing with their ears and admiring themselves in the mirror.
Lucien realised that he would have something new for everyone to talk about the next day at school. His ponytail had stopped being an issue. In fact, he was hardly noticed now and the boys left him alone. There were a few comments occasionally but mostly he was left alone. Jayde and her friends sort of protected him. Lucien knew he might be in for more trouble at school but at the same time he was desperate to show off his pierced ears to Jayde.
It was a bit surprising therefore that he made it through that first Monday with no trouble at all. Obviously, Jayde and her friends noticed but they were so complimentary about him that he had such a morale boost. As he was walking to his class, he realised he had never been so happy at school. He told his papa that when they talked on the ‘phone. This was music to his father’s ears. He believed his son was fitting in at last. He didn’t ask Lucien what had brought around this new found confidence and happiness, he just trusted that Sally was working her magic. He pictured his son, one of the boys, popular at school and growing up.
If George had been able to see his son after the ‘phone call, his elation would have dissipated. Luci went skipping back downstairs in his nightie to listen to the story Peter would read. This was a nightly ritual now. Each evening, Frankie took one side of Peter and he took the other, always once they were ready for bed. Peter was reading a Jacqueline Wilson book about a girl who lives between two parents and always feels as if she is living out of a suitcase. Luci could empathise, in a way. He loved his papa but he loved being part of this family too. He knew that, at home, there was no way his brother would read to him, let alone let him snuggle up. Instead, the television would be on and he would have to sneak away to his bedroom for any peace.
Lucien had only seen his brother once since they divided up while their papa was away. They met in town while shopping. Rene was too busy to talk much other than to ask his younger brother is he was going for the androgynous look now. Lucien didn’t know what that meant. He wondered if it was a reference to wearing black or his pink Converse. Anyway, they didn’t have much to say to each other and Lucien was so pleased when Peter emerged from the bookshop. Rene and Peter exchanged a few words but then his brother had to rush, leaving him with Peter who proudly showed him the next book they would read together.
Although he was enjoying school now, the weekends were best because this was when he could dress as he wanted to… or nearly. He and Frankie wore the same clothes. It was a sort of unwritten rule, helped by the fact that Sally always put out the clothes he was to wear. He hadn’t ever looked in Frankie’s wardrobe or the chests of drawers she had in her room. He always saw it as her space that he was allowed to stay in. He had his bed, the lovely poster of a ballet boy on the wall facing him and his doll, Maddie. On the dressing table there was his own brush and that was pretty much that. He was surprised and grateful that he was allowed to wear her spare nighties, she seemed to have two of everything, and he hadn’t seen his own pyjamas for weeks. In fact, he had seen hardly any of his own clothes since he arrived, except his school uniform. He knew Sally had been given money by his papa to help with his stay and every time they went shopping they came back with more clothes. Frankie knew what to buy and he went along with it.
It was before a shopping expedition where they had their first argument. It had started on Friday night but continued all through Saturday. Luci was brushing his hair, admiring himself in the mirror. He had to admit that his head was now the best bit of him. His hair was longer than it had ever been and his stud earrings caught the light. He knew why he was mistaken for a girl so much but he didn’t mind at all. He was humming to himself and maybe being a bit big headed. Frankie was jealous of his hair, he knew that and he could tell she was looking on enviously as he brushed it out.
“Haven’t you finished?” she snapped, eventually.
Luci turned around and looked at her. She sniffed and returned to looking at her magazine. He turned back to his hair.
She was no better in the morning, practically ignoring him at breakfast. Peter had left early for rugby practice so wasn’t around to talk to. Every question he asked her was ignored or grunted about. He had no idea what was eating her. He tried to be friendly but she wouldn’t let him break down her barrier. This had never happened between them before. He was back to feeling unsure of himself, a feeling he hadn’t had since moving in here.
Frankie took herself upstairs to get dressed and Luci decided to clear up and give her some time to herself to calm down. He was looking forward to dressing in the clothes Sally had provided for the day. They both had new purple tops with a Hello Kitty on the front. The sleeves were purple and white striped and he knew that it would go well with his pink Converse. They would wear their denim shorts as well. It would look great, he decided, so he was full of beans when he raced up the stairs to get dressed.
As soon as he stepped into the bedroom he knew Frankie was really mad at him. She had her purple Hello Kitty top, blue denim shorts and pink Converse on but she also wore a pair of purple tights. The effect was fantastic and Luci was very, very angry with her.
“How could you?” he hissed.
“You’re not my shadow,” she replied. “I’m allowed my own personality.”
“What have I done to you?” he nearly yelled, he was so frustrated.
“I’m fed up with your boasting.”
“When do I boast?” his voice whimpered. He was a little ashamed of how needy he was and how much he needed Frankie.
“All the time, every time you brush your hair.”
He stopped. He knew Frankie wanted long hair like him but he didn’t realise that she was jealous of… of him.
He turned his back on her and went to the bathroom to get dressed. He was so upset and mad and he really didn’t know what to do to get his own back. He put on the purple top and the denim shorts but the moment was spoiled. He knew he, too, was jealous.
Things turned petty between them all morning so when Sally returned from the supermarket she demanded to know what was going on. Neither of them answered so she shrugged and decided to ignore them but told them, quite clearly, there was no way she was taking them shopping later if they were still both in moods.
Back in the bedroom they continued to exchange barbed comments. Luci was hurt but knew Frankie was too. He couldn’t find a way back so instead kept the horrible comments going. At one stage he flicked his hair back to tie it up causing Frankie to say, “Here we go again, playing with the hair!”
“Grow your own, if you’re so jealous!” he snapped at her.
“Wear some tights if you’re so desperate to!” she snapped back. He froze. Had it been that obvious? His face fell and, to his horror, the tears started to fall. He hated his weakness but couldn’t stop.
“We were supposed to wear the same clothes,” he said and he knew he sounded pathetic.
For a while now he had admired the tights Jayde and her friends wore to school and he wondered what it would be like to wear some himself. He didn’t talk about it and the girls moaned about them because they were school uniform, black and all, not what they would have chosen but there you go. He would have settled for black tights any day of the week. He realised as he had these thoughts that he was jealous of the girls and wanted to be one. A while ago he had watched a television programme about a girl who had been born a boy and was very unhappy until her parents realised that she needed to live as a girl. He had felt sorry for the girl but he didn’t really relate to her. He didn’t see himself as being in the same situation. He thought back on it now and wondered. He had never felt as if he had been born in the wrong body. Rather, he had slipped towards being a girl and the closer he got to it, such as when he was mistaken for a girl in shops, the more he realised it was what he wanted.
So, when Frankie stood in front of him wearing tights he was just so jealous he could hardly contain himself. He shouted at her that she was selfish.
“Why am I selfish? I can wear what I like.”
“But, it isn’t fair!” he wailed.
Sally walked in just at that point, stared at them both and turned to Frankie.
“Care to explain?”
Frankie sniffed, trying not to cry. She didn’t answer her mother so Sally turned to Lucien.
“Luci?” He dropped his head, feeling ashamed now. “I shouted at Frankie and I didn’t mean to but…”
“I made him jealous…” Frankie said. “…on purpose.” She too dropped her head.
Sally walked over to the second of the two chests of drawers and pulled out a brand new pair of purple tights, just the same as Frankie’s.
“Try these Luci, they should be the right size.” she said, dropping them into his hands.
He stared at the packet as if he was holding a treasure. He stared for so long Sally told him he was supposed to wear them, not stare at them. He couldn’t help himself. This is what he had wanted for weeks now. He unwrapped the packet, felt the cotton soft tights fall loose and bent down to put them on.
“You might want to take your shorts off first!” Frankie said and laughed. Luci was caught out by her comment, went red but then seeing how ridiculous it would have been, he laughed too! Sally bent down at his feet, pushed him back on the bed and helped him get his foot in one leg and then in another. She helped him work the tights up his legs until he was encased in their softness. He put the shorts back on and turned to Frankie. He beamed! They looked like twins again and they hugged to prove their argument was over.
“Friends?” Luci asked.
“Sisters,” Frankie replied before Sally added “Stroppy Sisters, if you ask me.”
Luci kept looking at his legs. He loved the way they looked in tights. He turned his head to the mirror and liked what he saw. There was no doubt that a ten year old girl stared back and he was delighted with the result.
“Well that wasn’t supposed to happen this early,” Sally said staring at Frankie.
“I know, I’m sorry,” she replied.
“Well,” Sally said melting slightly. “No harm done… but no more bright ideas from you, young lady.”
Frankie nodded.
“As for you,” Sally said turning to Luci who was too busy enjoying the tights to take much notice, “I think you can start choosing your own clothes in the morning. I don’t need to do it for you.” She moved over to the chest of drawers and opened the top drawer. Then, she left the room.
Luci moved over to look in the drawer. There were three other pairs of tights, still in their packets. He picked them up. He had a black pair, navy blue and a pair of multi coloured stripes. There were also pairs of knickers and vests, just like the ones Frankie wore. He opened the next drawer and the next and discovered tops and a denim skirt. He turned to look at Frankie.
“Are these yours?”
Frankie groaned, picked up a pillow and threw it at Luci.
“Look in the other chest of drawers, stupid!”
He opened the drawers on the left and saw the same clothes there. He turned back to her friend who smiled back. “Mine on the left, yours on the right!”
Luci leapt over to her and hugged her again.
Their earlier argument was over and they played in their room for most of the morning. Peter poked his head around the door when he got back from rugby to say hello. He chatted for a bit before heading off to the shower, leaving Luci to reflect that he didn’t say anything about the way he was dressed. He was treated as if it was completely normal to be in tights and shorts.
When they got ready to go to town, Luci put on the pink Converse and was amazed at how brilliant they were with the purple tights. When Sally announced they would be leaving for town soon Luci had a momentary panic. Could he, should he, been seen out like this? It was one thing to be mistaken for a girl when he was wearing clothes that any boy or girl could wear but, now, these were girl clothes without any doubt. Luci knew a line had been crossed. He wanted to cross that line but, having done so, he was a little scared at people’s reactions. Meanwhile, Sally and Frankie behaved as if everything it was completely normal and stepping outside the house in tights would be fine.
He was conflicted. He wanted to be seen and yet he wanted to be invisible. He wanted to wear what he wanted to wear but not be the centre of attention… or the centre of ridicule. The first steps in town, from the car park to the shops, were electric. He was aware of himself the whole time, every time his legs moved, and he both loved and was scared by what he saw. The idea of bumping into somebody he knew was truly terrifying. He watched every child who passed, really closely, checking for signs of recognition. He undid his ponytail at one point in the hope that loose hair would mask him.
Sally kept her word; there was no clothes shopping. As soon as they could, though, they broke away and went window shopping. Jewellery, clothes, make-up, they saw the lot but didn’t buy. They were allowed a magazine each so they picked ones that they could share, full of fashion tips and advice on how to get a boyfriend. Luci felt a bit odd about that but Frankie talked about the boys in her class she really liked. Luci didn’t like many of the boys at his school. He kept well away from the all and, to be fair, they no longer seemed to notice him at all.
Staying with his friend Frankie and her mother while his father was working away proved life changing for Lucien... and his time at school is becoming more complicated.
On Sunday they painted their nails, Frankie painted hers red but Luci went with a dark blue, mostly because he was wearing the navy blue tights! They no longer felt the need to wear exactly the same clothes and Luci loved the excitement involved in selecting items from his own chest of drawers. The nails, though, added to his most peculiar Monday.
It started well. He went straight over to the group of girls in Jayde’s corner. He was completely accepted here now. The other girls seemed to expect him to turn up and join in their conversations. He noticed this when Adam, a boy in his class came running over to retrieve the ball that had been kicked over to them by accident. Adam was a sweet boy, Luci always thought. He wasn’t one of the boys who used to give him a bad time. Yet, the girls were horrible to him when he apologetically asked for the ball back.
“This is a ‘girls’ only’ area, keep out!” one yelled.
Adam apologised to them again and backed away, glancing at Luci as he did so. This made Luci feel odd. He was ashamed of being included in any group that was horrible to one person but he also realised he was a girl, to the others at least. Then again, and his mind went back to the conversation with Frankie over the weekend, he thought again about how sweet Adam was. He gave him a half- smile.
When he turned up in class, though, he was immediately in trouble for having painted nails. He had completely forgotten that Sally had told them both to clean their nail polish before school. He couldn’t think how he had forgotten. Now, he was told off in front of everyone and told to get to the office to have the polish removed.
There were two other girls there when he turned up, each had nail polish.
“Honestly, you girls,” the secretary said. “You know the rules yet you still try it on.”
Luci was shame faced. He had never been in trouble for anything before and to be caught out for such a girl- thing as this was embarrassing to say the least. As he held out his hands for her to clean the polish off, he thought about the fact that the secretary called him a girl. She knew him! She knew he wasn’t a girl. Or not a real one! Yet she wasn’t mocking him and she wasn’t unaware of who he was. Neither had his teacher been shocked that it was a boy with painted nails, her concern was only with the school rules.
He was still troubled by this at playtime when Jayde, taking the opportunity to get him on his own, quizzed him on his life. She wanted to know about Frankie, about his Papa, about his brother and about his intentions. She was so direct, it took Luci by surprise. He answered every question without thinking about holding anything back. By the time she finished he had told her that he didn’t really miss his mama, although he had to start with, that his papa loved him but didn’t really know much about him and then he told her that the bullying had stopped pretty much from the time he had his ears pierced.
“Does your dad know you’re a girl now?” she asked, finally.
Luci hesitated. He had sort of forgotten that his papa would return. This was strange as he did really miss him and loved talking to him on the phone. He was pleased that his dad seemed to brighten when he told him that he was enjoying school much more, now.
“Has the name calling stopped?” his dad asked him. Luci never realised that his papa knew about that.
“Yes,” he replied and, he added, “I have lots of friends now!”
This had been music to George’s ears. His son was becoming a real boy, popular with others and, whatever little personality traits he had to cause the others to mock him, he was acting just like other boys. Once again George had every reason to be pleased he had left Lucien in the care of Sally.
“Does your dad know you’re a girl now?” the question rang in his ears. Fortunately, the whistle blew and they had to return to their respective classes but not before Jayde reminded him he hadn’t answered.
Monday continued to be strange. He could not concentrate in class. Not only had he been embarrassed about being in trouble over his nails but he kept going back to Jayde’s key question. Stupid though it sounded, he hadn’t faced up to the idea of being a girl. He loved dressing up, sure. He was happier than he had been for ages, sure. He was less awkward, the girl things felt more like his real self but he hadn’t done any thinking or planning about who other people thought he was. Every time he was mistaken for a girl, he saw it as somebody else’s mistake for not realising he was a boy. Until, that is, he stepped into town in shorts and tights. He thought back to his argument with Frankie. He had been so jealous when he thought she could wear tights and he couldn’t. He had loved it when he discovered Sally had bought him his own pairs. Where was the line between boy and girl?
He found it hard to focus and missed most of what his teacher Miss Grant was saying. Things became even more mixed up during the lesson before lunch because they had to work in pairs. He was used to the awkward pause when nobody wanted to work with him so today’s surprise was that Adam was immediately by his side. The shock on Luci’s face was obvious because Adam said, “Do you mind? I can go, if you like.”
Luci’s shake of the head was barely noticeable.
“I said one boy to one girl,” Miss Grant boomed across the room. Luci started to rise from his seat only to notice two boys on the other side of the room moan and slump away from each other. When they had found girls to partner with, Miss Grant surveyed the room.
“That’s better,” she announced. Luci eased himself back into his seat with his head bowed. He waited for Miss Grant to say something to him or Adam. Maybe, having humiliated him in front of the class with his nail polish, she was going to be more sensitive when she told them two boys couldn’t work together. Instead, Adam smiled back at him and seemed to think this arrangement would work well.
Luci was grateful that Adam had listened to the instructions. He was able to tell him what they had to do. They worked quietly for a while but Luci was conscious that, every so often, Adam would glance in his direction as if about to say something.
“Thanks for smiling, this morning,” he said, eventually. “Sorry about the football and all that!”
Luci wasn’t sure what to say so kept staring at the table. Having started, Adam ploughed on. “They can be quite intimidating, sometimes,” he said.
He used big words like ‘intimidating’. Luci thought about this and how sweet he was, not only because he was well spoken, which made him different from most other boys in the school, but because he was thoughtful.
“They have been nice to me,” said Luci at last. “Friendly and everything.”
“That’s because you are a girl!” Adam replied. “They are not so friendly to me! Mind you, it must be annoying to have a football flying at you, I can see that. However, they only have to be a bit understanding…” Adam chatted on, relieved somewhat that Luci had actually spoken to him. Luci heard only a fraction of what he was saying. He was stunned that Adam had actually called him a girl. Adam, who had known him for a long time and knew he was a boy; maybe he was not good at being one but he was a boy. He might be conflicted but the rest of his class had clearly made up its mind about him.
Then it struck him: they had made up their minds about him and they were not bothered! His classmates and teacher acted as if it was obvious he was now a girl. He looked down at his uniform, boy grey trousers and school sweatshirt. Nothing girly about them!
Jayde was on his case obviously. She found him at lunchtime in the library where he had retreated to think things through. He wasn’t upset but he was confused. By the end of the lesson he was enjoying being Adam’s partner. He was grateful that he did nearly all the work. Luci just couldn’t focus. More than that, Adam treated him considerately. At one stage, a boy snatched a pen out of his hand and Adam snatched it back saying “She’s using that!” The boy backed off leaving Luci redfaced at the use of the word ‘she’. It wasn’t the first time. He had accepted it before when people mistook him for a girl but here, in this place where he had been a pupil for years, it was significant.
Jayde kept on at him to join them on the playground but Luci resisted.
“You don’t have to answer my question if you don’t want to,” she said. “I’m just nosey, really. Come on, we miss you!”
Luci smiled at this.
“We do! You’re one of us.” She put her head closer to his. “One of the girls!” she whispered and looked for his reaction.
“I need to think,” Luci replied. Jayde looked around the library. She was not impressed. “What do people do in here?” she declared loudly enough to get told off.
“You could try reading a book,” Adam said lifting his head from his novel. Luci turned, surprised to see him at the next table.
Jayde dropped her voice again.
“Why not wear a skirt to school?” she asked. Luci tried to silence her, aware of everyone around them.
“Chill out, will you! Nobody can hear, except Adam and he adores you!” She emphasised the ‘adores’ part. Luci went red but said nothing.
“Go on then, why don’t you?”
“It’s all going too fast,” he said eventually. “I need to think.”
“What’s to think about?” She looked around again, bored by the place. Then she turned back.
“You look good in tights,” she said deliberately, making sure he understood that she knew.
“How do…”
“I saw you in town with your friend and her mum.”
“Oh!”
“Now don’t look glum, you looked fantastic! “ She sighed heavily. “What is your problem? Honestly, girl, you are one moody cow!” She smiled to show no offense was meant but she turned serious again almost immediately.
“What do you think is going to happen? Everyone accepts you, no one has been unkind.” She stopped abruptly. “Have they?”
“No!”
“There we are then. As far as I can see nobody is bothered about you being a girl… except you!”
Luci thought about it. “I’m not bothered, not really,” he said.
“Then why not wear a skirt tomorrow?”
“I don’t have one. Well, not a school uniform one!”
“Don’t blame you!” Jayde said. “They are skanky. Only thing worse would be wearing trousers like yours!” She looked down at his trousers and made a buffoon laugh that got her noticed.
“I came in here to avoid being noticed,” Luci reminded her.
Jayde was not to be put off. “Adam, Adam,” she hissed. He looked up. “Tell her she’ll look better in a skirt, will you?”
Adam looked at Luci and nodded with a smile. Then he went straight back to his book.
“Told you, he adores you!” she whispered.
Luci stood up and packed her stuff away.
“You can borrow one of mine,” Jayde said as she followed Luci out. “Tomorrow morning, meet me at the front of school. Do you need black tights?”
“I have my own tights,” Luci replied before thinking how easily that slipped out.
“Don’t be late,” Jayde said as she headed off.
“I’ll think about it.”
“As I said, ‘Don’t be late!’” she said waving behind her.
The rest of the day passed slowly but Luci’s mind was not on school work. At the end of school Sally was waiting at the school office. This was not good news.
“What have you got to say for yourself?” she demanded.
Luci was taken aback. His mind scanned all the things he might have done wrong. Had she heard about the Jayde’s plan for the skirt? It was confusing.
When the headteacher appeared, Sally was apologetic and explained that Luci had come to school with painted nails (oh that!) without permission but she would make sure she was punished at home.
The headteacher smiled. “No need for anything too heavy,” he said. “Lots of the children try it on but we have to make a stand. In any case, thank you for coming in.”
Sally practically pushed him out the front entrance.
“How embarrassing!” she said. “I have never been called to a school before for either Frankie or Peter. Get in!” She was furious. Her driving did nothing to calm her down either.
“I’m sorry, I forgot I had it on,” he tried eventually.
“Wait until your papa hears about this!”
Luci froze. What would he find out? Jayde’s question came flooding back.
“It won’t happen again,” Luci tried, desperate to head off trouble.
“Too right!” Sally barked, slamming the break on as they turned up outside Frankie’s school. Frankie could sense the atmosphere as soon as she got in the car. When Sally had finished relating the story of being phoned by the school and going in to see the head teacher, Frankie laughed. Sally was not impressed.
“Oh come on, mum, lighten up. So she went to school with some nail polish. Bet she wasn’t the only one!”
“There were two others there as well.” Luci explained.
“See!”
“That does not excuse your behaviour, young lady,” Sally said. “There will be consequences.”
The punishment took both Frankie and Luci by surprise. He was made to put on his pyjamas as soon as he got home. He hadn’t worn them since he went into nighties and he did not welcome the change back. He looked at his pyjama top with his arms outstretched and wondered how they had ever felt like the right thing for him to wear. Peter, too, noticed the cloud that had come over everyone.
“What did she do, mum, burn the school down?” he asked.
“Worse, she embarrassed me!”
“So, ritual humiliation is called for,” her son said.
Sally sighed once again. It had really been a trying day. However, she could see how dejected Luci looked and relented.
“Alright,” she said. “As you are ganging up on me as if I were the one who had gone to school wearing nail polish…” She looked around at each of them. “Luci, you can get changed.”
Frankie cheered and Peter said “well done” but to who was not clear. Luci leapt up to go back to the bedroom but Sally called after him.
“Into your nightie, though. You are still in trouble.”
Luci pulled on his nightie and felt right again. He folded up the pyjamas and put them in the drawer. As he did so, he remembered the denim skirt that was waiting in the bottom drawer for him to wear. The moment had not yet come but, he admitted to himself, he was excited at the idea. Then he thought about Jayde’s offer and wondered whether he should take her up on it or whether this, too, would get him into trouble with Sally. So many things to think about!
Sally didn’t tell his papa on the ‘phone that evening so he was able to make his day sound like a good one. He told papa all about his new friend Adam and how helpful he had been and how much he liked him. George listened with growing pride and pictured his son as one of the boys, popular now where once he had struggled to fit in. It felt strange to be ready for bed so early and he got the message from Sally that she meant what she said about punishment as he was sent to bed earlier than Frankie and he missed Peter reading them the bedtime story.
Time on his own provided the opportunity to think things through. He knew that he really, really wanted to wear a skirt but he couldn’t shake off the idea that he would be a laughing stock. Yet, since the day when he first wore his hair in a ponytail there had been no further problem. He couldn’t think of a single time when he had been bothered. Even the odd comment and snigger had stopped… completely. Luci thought and thought about it and realised people were friendlier to him as a girl than they had ever been when he was a boy. ‘When he was a boy…’ He was no longer a boy.
“I am a girl,” he said to himself. “I am a girl!” went through his head as he drifted off to sleep.
Jayde was ready for her the next morning at the school gate. So, too, was Adam. Luci was surprised to see them but also pleased especially when Adam said he wanted to walk to school with her. He had been too shy to ask so waited at the school gates for her to arrive. Jayde rolled her eyes at this and said, “If I could interrupt you two young love birds, we’ve got important business before school starts.” She pulled Luci off in the direction of the school building, stopped and turned back to a crestfallen Adam and called out “Are you going to help or what?”
Inside, Jayde led Luci towards the girls’ toilets. Luci braked when she realised.
“I can’t go in there!”
“Why not?” Jayde asked.
Luci didn’t know what to say, she just thought she should avoid going in.
“Look, it is tons nicer than the boys’ toilets. Trust me, I’ve been in there. No offence, Adam!” She pulled Luci in and instructed Adam to stand guard. “Don’t let anyone in, right?”
It felt strange to be in the girls’ toilets. She had avoided all toilets successfully for the last few weeks. She had hardly drunk a thing to keep from the dilemma she knew she would face at some point. Jayde, though, was on a mission. She went in to a cubicle, waited and then grabbed her by the arm and pulled her in.
“Honestly, Luce, do you want to get sorted or not?” She brought out a dark grey school skirt and handed it over. “This should fit, try it.” Then, when Luci kept staring at the skirt, “Drop your trousers! Honestly, Luce!”
Luci undid her trousers, let them drop to the floor and stepped out of them revealing her black tights. She had put the tights on in the bathroom that morning so that she didn’t get any awkward questions from Frankie. She thought Frankie would be supportive but she didn’t want to have to explain anything at the moment. She was also worried that Sally would find out. After the nail polish incident she didn’t want to do anything more that got her into trouble. She was worried enough that wearing a skirt might cause the headteacher to ring Sally again.
The door to the toilets opened a little. Adam was stressed at standing guard and wanted them to get a move on. Jayde told him to chill.
Luci pulled on the skirt and felt a shiver of electricity through her whole body. It was like being dressed and undressed at the same time. She smiled broadly when she looked in the mirror, mesmerised by what she saw. She looked just like a ten year old girl. “Well, I am,” she said out loud.
Jayde was too busy to admire Luci and instead pulled out a pair of school shoes. She handed them over. They were black and had a strap that buckled up. Lots of the girls wore them.
“I had to guess the size,” Jayde said.
“Shoes?” Luci said somewhat lamely.
“Yes, someone has to think about these things!”
They were slightly too big so Jayde stuffed some paper towel in the ends. When they were on, Luci admired herself again. The skirt, the tights, the shoes with a strap… it all worked so well.
“If I could get you away from a mirror for a few moments… we do have to get outside before the day starts or we’ll be in trouble. It’s alright for you goody two shoes but some of us are on warnings about breaking rules.” Jayde opened the door and stepped out. Luci followed, out into the corridor, into the open. She was thrilled and scared stiff all at the same time.
Adam smiled at her. “You look great,” he said. She smiled back.
“As I said, if we could get you two love birds onto the playground, I won’t lose all my privileges.” Jayde walked in front and jabbed her thumb for them to follow.
Luci was grateful for Adam’s support. He stood beside them and it felt as if she could hide behind him if she needed to. But she didn’t. Nobody paid any attention to her. The playground was flooded with children waiting for the whistle to go and everyone was talking or playing or hanging around. Some boys were joking with each other but nobody looked in Luci’s direction or looked startled, surprised or shocked. Certainly, no one laughed.