Chapter 1: Prologue
(This chapter will be only the biggest things that happened in my past, along with an introduction from the main character)
Have you ever heard the saying "Just because you go through a lot of pain, doesen't mean everyone else's pain is void"? I can't begin to tell you how many times I have wanted to repeat that quote to others. My name is Xavier Williams, or at least it used to be. Now my name is Seraphina Williams, like the name? I picked it myself, but I am getting off track. This is a story of my life, the hurdles I jumped, the rocks I tripped over and the cakes I ate (if you get what I am trying to say). Regardless of whether you get it or not, let's get to the story shall we?
March 12th, 2007
As me and my cousin along with my aunt walked into the store, you could practically see the aura of discomfort radiating off him. Being a boy, he didn't take too kindly to being in a woman's clothing store, of course I was still young, 7 years old, I didn't really understand what was so bad about it. It was almost instantaneous that my cousin started making his famous complaints "Can we leave now? This is embarrassing!". My aunt stopped looking at the beautiful blouse to respond to him "No, not yet, please go sit down and wait on me over there" she said while pointing to a small section of the store dedicated to chairs. Frustrated, my cousin agreed and left to pout and play his small game console. I was left all alone, standing there, and while I was standing there, I noticed a very pretty row of dresses and couldn't help but wonder "Would those look good on me? They look so cute." So then, I started making plans to "accidentally" trip and fall into the dresses and get stuck in one. By the time I had it all figured out, it was apparently time to go. In the end, I never got to put my plan to work, but this was a defining moment in my life nevertheless.
2008-2010
As I grew those next two years, I started to learn the difference between boys and girls (which for some reason was completely oblivious to me before despite my knowing that I wasn't supposed to wear dresses for some reason) and as time went on, I started getting sad and eventually, it turned into praying every night to God to help me become a girl. Some nights I cried myself to sleep, and the night I remember most sticks into my head until this day. I was just praying one night, and suddenly burst into tears saying these exact words "Do you hate me god? Why would you put me through this pain? I'm always good, I'm not mean to my parents like the other kids at school. I do my homework, I make good grades, I don't litter or anything bad! So why? Why won't you help me become me?" With that finally said, I cried for about 30 more minutes, and finally drifted off to sleep with a tear stained face.
2010
I remember that I had finally built up enough courage to tell my mom that I wanted to be a girl, it had been hard for me, I felt like I was crazy and she would put me in a mental asylum, but I did tell her. The first time, I could easily tell she didn't take me seriously. With a smile she said "Do you want me to buy you a dress?" Embarrassed, I ended up chickening out and saying a not so convincing "Never mind" a few times after that, she caught me looking up "How to become a girl" on the Internet. I had tried many things ranging from supposed spells, mind tricks and was even thinking of secretly buying some kind of sex change pill, but I had no luck. The final time she had caught me, we were leaving her doctors office, and once we got in the car, she started crying. "Please just tell me, do you want to be a girl or not?" She said with a plead and a little something else I couldn't recognize at the time in her voice. To which I replied "No". After that, I didn't bring it up again for a very long time.
January 25th, 2012
By this time, I was still upset and my emotions were filling to the brim, but living life as well as a 7th grader could. The only thing bothering me was my supposed "friend", we would play video games together, and since I was incredibly sensitive (which is something I know I failed to mention before) he took advantage of me, getting me to do all kinds of things for him, whether I wanted to or not. Either way, his bullying has been going on for a year at this point. Until this very day, all my emotions had been bottled up the depressing from my gender dysphoria, my fear of my "friend", my increasing difficulty with grades, but on this day, I snapped... One insult from my "friend" set me off, I yelled at the top of my lungs for him to "shut the freak up" in the middle of the gym and had a mental breakdown. I was on the brink of crying and I was so angry I was visibly shaking. After that day, I honestly don't think I was ever the same person again. I used to be outgoing and always excited, after that, I was silent and never showed the least bit of emotion again.
I know I might not have the most tragic or exciting of backstories, but I want to remind you of the quote I mentioned at the very beginning, just in different words. "Even if your problem is bigger than mine and serves you more pain, it doesen't make my pain nonexistent."
This is my first story, and I'm not really sure how fast I will put the chapters out. I have tried publishing a story on this website before, but just got a serious case of writers block for it. This one shouldn't have the same problem, it's a take on the main character being exactly like me with my life, with some fictional elements implemented to make it more interesting. Hope you enjoy and please cut me some slack.
SUMMARY:
Xavier was a boy that everyone assumed was happy, but if only they could see into his mind. The things that go on there, the adventures had, the accomplishments he has made, and there in that fantasy world of his mind, he has the body and life he is truly happy with. It's not real, any of it though. Or is it?
Chapter 2: Everyday life
(I may have forgotten to mention this in my last chapter, if not obvious, this story starts off as me being Xavier and ending as Seraphina)
(Italic= My thoughts)
(Regular= Narration)
("Regular with quotations= Speaking")
"Xav! Wake up!" Shouted the annoying voice of the person who awoke me from my slumber. Yeah, I go by Xave (EX-AVE) just so you know who they are yelling at. I sleepily rise out of my bed as if it were my grave. "Ugh" was all I gave in response. Zombie like, I trudged on to the bathroom and got in the shower, just like how all my school days start. Upon getting out, I accidentally looked in the mirror despite all my efforts to avoid doing so. I was 16 years old as already established with VERY curly and long dirty blonde hair and blue eyes, I had a scar on my cheek about 2 inches wide and had a height of about 5 feet and 8 inches. "Are you out of the shower yet?" My mom asked outside of the closed bathroom door. You see, my mom sometimes had to yell through the door to get out of the shower, there were days I never wanted to get out. "Yep" was once again all I said in response. "Well good, you need to hurry, I have to flat iron your hair." "I would do it if you would teach me" I sent back with a bit of irritation in my voice. "When I have the time" is all I got from her. Over the next hour, I had my hair straight ironed, and threw on a t-shirt and some jeans. Then I was off to school where the real fun was.
"Hey, why didn't you text me last night?" I asked my newest aqquaintance. She went by Jay and was shorter than me at about 5 feet and 4 inches, she could be depressing at times, but birds of a feather flock together I guess. "Oh, I was texting my boyfriend and completely forgot. Whoops" she said casually. "If you say so" I said with a sigh, then followed up with "Anyways can I borrow a pencil? We have this stupid Algebra test today." The look of shock on her face after I uttered those words was just about priceless. "I completely forgot! I'm so gonna fail!" She looked around like she was hiding from the police, then asked in a quiet tone "Can you let me cheat? Please? Only this once!" Now here is a little fact about me, I tend to stick to my morales, I don't do drugs, smoke, drink, cheat, get tattoos or anything like that. So when she asked, of course I responded with a slightly hesitant "No, sorry." She then said something that suprised me "Don't say that word, I hate that word." Before I could ask, the teacher put the test on out desk and we started it.
Let me tell you something about my school if you will permit it. My school is filled with a bunch of idiots and Neanderthals (I know that means the same thing, but I really want to emphasize my point). Sometimes, the students there are so bad that the teacher just gives up and let's them do whatever. The guys at my school just throw insults at each other like they are going to fight, but they never do. And the girls just go from guy to guy like it is their job. So since I didn't like over 95% of the people at my school, I would go most days only saying about 10 words besides the ones I traded with my mom in the mornings and evenings. In my 5th period class on that day, I got a text from my boyfriend (I'm bisexual by the way, I just didn't know it at the time. I was experimenting when dating him). His name was Richard Lynx, I had actually never seen him since we were in a long distance relationship, but I wasn't too concerned yet. We had only been going out for a month. We met on an online game named Elsword. And we hit it off pretty fast, I even came out to him as Transgender. It was the first person I told and he was very accepting of me. The text said "When you get home, do you want to play Elsword?" I responded instantly with a "yes". After the final bell rang, me and Jay were walking together making idle conversation when she said this "I really want a tattoo!" I could see she wanted me to ask why, so I took the bait for her to respond with "Well they look so cool! I want one that shows a shark eating my Exfriends!" I blew air out of my nose, she could be a little weird at times. "Just look at your tattoo and how awesome it looks." That caught me by surprise "I don't have a tattoo though." I responded confused. "Sure you do. It's right here." She proceeded to point at the right side of my neck. Still confused, I asked her for a compact mirror which she luckily had on her. I then saw what she was talking about. It was a tattoo of Three black swords, each looking like a slightly different version of Excalibur, covered in barb wire. "That's just permanent marker, my friend drew it there last class, I completely forgot" She seemed to buy that lame excuse. What the heck is this? I don't have a friend to draw on me in 7th period and I definitely didn't get a tattoo. Just calm down me, calm down. You can try to find out what's going on when you get home. At that exact moment my bus decided to arrive, I say quick bye to my friend and headed home. Upon returning home, I found absolutely nothing about this tattoo on the Internet. Seriously confused, I head up to my room. "Just what is going on?" Not even a second after that, a splitting pain goes through my head. "H-help someon-". I don't even finish the words before I black out.
I return to consciousness and immediatly sit up and notice my now different surroundings. "What is this place? This doesen't look like my room or anywhere else I know." I say a bit fearful. When I look around, the room I am in appears to be glowing a golden aura. Like something you would see in a story book. The walls engraved by what looks like a professional, And then I look down at myself in the silk sheet bed I am laying in. To say I was shocked would be the understatement of the year. I'm a girl! And I am intangible? How is this even possible?! "Anything is possible here Sūkarettotenpesuto". I look around startled "Who is there?!" The voice laughs, not an evil laugh, but one that makes it sound like she has known me her whole life. "Please calm yourself child, I mean you no harm" A shimmering light that looks like the northern lights appears in front of me, when it disappears it leaves behind a woman so beautiful that I could see people having death battles over who gets even a small chance to marry her. "What is your name child?" I stutter in response "Xa-Xavier Williams". Then she says "Not that name, your real name". That's when I get confused. "That is my real name". The laugh she returns to my statement is like one-thousand Suns, it lights up everything. Or at least it seems to. "The name you wish were your real name child" That is when everything kicks in, I know what happened now. I died, I'm in the afterlife. "Am I... Dead?" She frowns and says "No, but you came very close. I want you to get dressed and follow me". I reluctantly get up and follow her once I am properly dressed. Something I noticed is that I can't touch my body, being intangible makes everything I want go right through me. The only thing I can't control is if my hands go right through me, which they always do. "Seraphina" I say quietly, embarrassed. The woman looks at me confused. "Huh?" I look up at her. "My real name is Seraphina". She smiles and we keep walking. She is pretty tall, I think she could even be about 6 feet and 4 inches. She has white hair with blonde streaks through it, glassy eyes which somehow reflect all kinds of emotion, pale milky white skin and pointed ears. It isn't underexaggerating to say she is "As beautiful as a goddess". We finally get to a massive door and enter. The room we enter looks like a throne room, just with modern furnishings instead of a throne. "Come, sit with me." She points towards a couch. We sit and I start unloading all the questions my mind can think of. "Where am I? How do I leave? Why am I a girl? Why am I intangible? How did you appear like that?". Question after question I unload on her, while she sits there calmly. Then after hearing them all, she smiles. "You will learn in due time, but I will answer this. Where you are is a sacred place. It is the tie between your dreams and Sarallqia. Sarallqia is what humans would call, the afterlife. Every humans mind is tied to the afterlife, so the gods and goddesses can watch over and hear all humans thoughts to decide where they will go when they die. It is rare that people get sent to the tie, but yet here you are. When they get sent here, they send a god or goddess to stay with them until they awake or... Sleep eternally. I am Zayiphia, the goddess of fate. And I am here to watch over you until you awake. Did I answer all your questions?" She says with a smile. I sit there, stunned. "Did she say she is a goddess, this is a tie to the afterlife and I'm on the verge of death?". Trying to work my head around everything I had just learned, I sat there for who knows how long when I started glowing. "Zayiphia, what's happening?!" I spit out fearful. "Calm down child". She smiles. "You are waking up, and one last thing before you go. Don't worry about that symbol on your neck, in due time, you will know why it is there." As she finishes the sentence, everything fades into black once again.
Sūkarettotenpesuto= ScarletTempest
Intangible= Unable to be touched or grasped; not having a physical presence.
Sorry if I couldn't show much of the main characters personality, still trying to find a way to do so.