Nancy Patterson’s Criss-crossed Christmas Pageant
By Jennifer Brock

Nancy Patterson’s Christmas Pageant would be talked about for years, but not the way she’d been dreaming it would. (No offense is intended toward those who are active in their respective congregations.)

Tues, Dec 4

This was going to be her year to shine, she just knew it. The way things were falling into place, it was as though it had been foreordained. She’d put in her time on the oh-so-boring Christian Ed Committee, and had supported Bonnie Kendall last summer when she wanted to control the curriculum for the Vacation Bible School. This year the Christmas Pageant would be Nancy’s show! It almost didn’t happen, but then last August Helen Gardener, her only real competition for the job, had to move away when her husband’s company transferred him to Cincinnati. Nancy had been doing her research ever since then, and had a plan for how her pageant would be the best that Second Baptist had ever seen. She knew that fate was on her side when Kelly Turner had her baby in October, and little Rachel had proven to be the quietest and best behaved baby in the history of babies in church. She never made a peep, even when she wasn’t sleeping through the service. Nancy knew that she had to get Kelly to agree to let her use Rachel in the show — she’d be perfect as Baby Jesus, and would be loads better than the doll they usually used. A real live baby would be just the hook to get people talking. A girl playing Jesus shouldn’t bother anyone; babies were pretty much asexual.

Jim could have been a little more enthusiastic, though. She came rushing home from the board meeting and he made her wait until the commercial to tell him her news. “Honey, guess what?” He just shrugged, so she had to answer her own question. “I got it! They named me as Christmas Pageant Director for this year. Isn’t that wonderful?”

“That’s just great, Dear. Now move out of the way before Law & Order comes back on.”

“Don’t you understand what this means? I’ll have complete control over casting decisions, so that means Elizabeth will get to be the star. She was almost getting too old, but she’ll be perfect as Mary.”

“Our Elizabeth? As the Virgin Mary? She’s all arms and legs and tripping over her big feet these days. I’m not so sure she’d want to be on display up in front of people.”

“It’s tough being an eleven-year-old girl. She’s having an awkward little growth spurt right now, but she’s still the prettiest one in her class.”

“If you really think so. You’d know more about being an eleven-year-old-girl than I would, so I guess I’ll have to believe you on this. But don’t blame me when it blows up in your face.”

“I got Mike Sloan to agree to give us all the big empty cardboard boxes from his appliance store so I can use them to make my manger set. I’ve downloaded some plans from the internet for how to build it. It’s even got this hobby-horse kind of thing with a head on a stick for the donkey that carries Mary down the aisle, and when they get to the stable the stick goes in a slot so it seems to be looking out of a stall. The camels for the Wise Men do the same thing.”

“That actually sounds pretty cool.”

“Good. Bonnie volunteered Pete’s truck to help move the cardboard, and you’re helping him. They’ll meet you after church on Sunday. I want to get the stuff into the Sunday School rooms on time so I can get the junior high youth group to help with the construction.”

“But there’s an important game on Sunday. I can’t miss it.”

“You can and you will. If we’re going to make this the best pageant this town has seen it will require a few sacrifices from us all.”

“Talk down at the bar says the Methodists are going to have real sheep in their pageant this year. I’m not so sure you’ll be able to compete.”

“I never listen to rumors. You’re helping out on Sunday, and that’s final!”

Sunday, Dec 9

Nancy’s session in the morning where she met with all the kids to cast their parts went great. And Kelly agreed to let Rachel be in the play, as long as she herself could be sitting in the front row to watch out if anything went wrong. She helped Denise Cooper, the craftiest member of the quilting club, take all the children’s measurements, and they went through the old box of costumes together to figure out what would work and what wouldn’t, and Nancy sketched out some ideas for her on how they could be improved.

The junior high youth group even had fun working with the big sheets of cardboard, and they seemed to understand how to turn the diagrams she’d downloaded into reality. Steve and Judy Washburn, the youth leaders, thanked Nancy for picking them instead of the senior high kids to do the project, and thought that there shouldn’t be any difficulty getting it all ready on time.

She was in a wonderful mood that evening, but then sure enough as soon as she got home Jim was ready to pop her holiday cheer balloon.

“Everything’s coming together nicely. I tell you, Honey, this is Second Baptist’s year to shine. My pageant will be one for the memory books.”

“Don’t get your hopes up. I was talking to Kyle down at the hardware store, and he said that Ed Phillips was in there looking for temporary fencing that the Methodists could use to hold the sheep, so it’s definite.”

“Whatever. I don’t see what the big deal is, anyway. People don’t want to see smelly animals in church at Christmas; they want to see cute kids singing sweet carols. And that’s what we’ll deliver.”

“I hear Father Barb’s going for controversy this year.”

“Just because Reverend Carter made an alternative lifestyle choice, I don’t think you should call her ‘Father.’ What’s she doing now, anyway?”

“It seems she decided that the Episcopalians would have an ‘accurate’ nativity play this year with old geezers as wise men and teenagers as shepherds and she says the Holy Family were actually quite young, so she’s having Colleen Matthews play Mary.”

“Oh no! They’ll get all the word-of-mouth. Why would she pick someone like her to be the mother of Jesus?”

“I guess it makes some sense, since Mary was also unmarried and pregnant at the time, but how will they make her look un-pregnant after the kid is supposed to be born?” Jim thought of something and laughed. “Hey! do you suppose they’ll get Tim West to play God? He’s the one who knocked her up, after all.”

“I don’t think anyone’s proven that.”

“Come on! You just know it. That kid is a no-good bum and she’s stupid for letting him do that.”

“This is not what I wanted to talk about! You’re just making me so angry! Just go back to watching your game.”

“Ok. (Thank God for Tivo.)”

Sunday, Dec 16

The sets were coming along nicely, the kids were excited and eager to learn their parts, but as soon as the rehearsal started everything started falling apart. Nancy had taped lines on the floor of the Fellowship Hall to imitate where everything was up in the sanctuary, and the kids seemed to understand the concept. Elizabeth only tripped a couple times coming down the aisle, but Jeffrey Duncan, who was playing Joseph, was there to catch her. When they got to the part where, while a scripture was being read describing the birth, Elizabeth was to go down to the front row and Kelly handed Rachel to her. Rachel started fussing immediately, and Elizabeth was a little scared and didn’t quite hold her right, but carried her back to her spot in the tableau without tripping. However, the baby started crying and would not stop. Kelly stood up and started to go help, but Rachel’s older brother, nine-year-old Justin, broke formation from where he was standing with the other shepherds waiting for their entrance cue and got to his baby sister in no time. He picked her up and she stopped crying almost immediately. He tried showing Elizabeth how to hold her, but as soon as Rachel was back in her arms she started screaming again. Justin took his sister back and stood there holding her until she calmed down. Elizabeth got out of her chair and let Justin have it, so she could see how you’d hold a baby while sitting. He gently sat down and cradled Rachel in his arms, smiling down at her face. Nancy could swear the baby was smiling back.

Kelly made an aside to Nancy, “He has been such a helper with her. I was afraid the age difference would be an issue, but they have definitely bonded. And most of it just came naturally to him; I didn’t have to show him much at all.”

Denise got the idea that started the avalanche. She took a blue scarf from the wardrobe box and went over and draped it over Justin’s head, pinning it with bobby pins so that only the golden bangs of his “bowl” haircut peeked out. She stepped back and pointed, asking Nancy, “Is this or is this not the perfect image of a Madonna and child?”

Ignoring the vocabulary Denise had acquired while growing up Catholic, Nancy had to agree that Justin was a truly beautiful child, and the baby was behaving with him far better than she had for Elizabeth. A girl baby Jesus was one thing, but a boy Mary? Did she dare? A live baby was the key to her whole pageant, and if Justin was the only one she’d behave for, there was nothing she could do about it. She wished she’d come up with an alternative baby they could have tried, but she was stuck. Nancy nodded and said, “Yeah, ok. Let’s let Justin try being Mary and see how it goes.”

Elizabeth spoke up. “But, Mommy, if he’s going to be Mary? What will I do? You said I was going to have an important part.” Nancy tried to think for a moment, but she wasn’t fast enough for her daughter. “Hey! If we’ve got a girl Jesus and a boy Mary, how about you let me be Joseph?”

Nancy took a look at Elizabeth’s lanky body wearing her best khakis and the short hair style she got for playing soccer, and realized that it was easier to see her as a boy at that moment than it was to see Justin as one. She had Elizabeth get down on one knee beside the chair like Jeffrey had been, and it looked “right.”

But before she could say anything else, Denise got another crazy idea. “They look good together up there. Since we’ve gone this far, what if we switched everybody up, with boys as angels and sheep and girls as kings and shepherds?”

The kids all thought it would be fun, or at least the ones who didn’t weren’t as loud as the ones who did, so it all sort of happened before Nancy could express an opinion one way or the other. Before she knew it, a pack of girls who had until that moment been a unified host of angels were crowding her and asking who got to be the three kings. The four littlest girls, who had been sheep, could be swapped with the four junior shepherds easily enough, but which of the three older girls would make the best kings? Nancy looked around and a flash of inspiration hit her. There was more diversity in the girls than there had been among the boys. Her three kings would be Debbie Washington, who even though her mother was lily white was still brown as a UPS truck, Kimberly Stevens, the adopted Chinese girl (or was it Korean?), and Danielle Baker, who was so pale that her parents never let her outside in the summer, and people said she might be an alibino. They would add an exotic flair that the three regular-looking boys who’d previously had the roles would not have brought to them. The rest of the girls would get to be the shepherds.

She felt sorry for Jeffrey for losing his plum role after he’d been so good to Elizabeth, so she made him the angel with the speaking lines, while all the other boys were just the chorus. At first, the boys were reluctant to be angels, saying that they were girly roles, but then Bonnie spoke up and asked them if they could name any angels. They couldn’t, so then she told them about Gabriel, who blows a horn on Judgment Day, and Michael, who wields a flaming sword, and the boys thought that was pretty cool. She then told them to read their bibles and they can find that usually angels look like men when they want to look like people, not women, such as the nice young man who appeared by Jesus’ tomb. As the Sunday school coordinator, Bonnie tried to seize any opportunity to teach a lesson.

Nancy was losing control of the situation, but eventually all the kids settled into their new roles, and she ran through the program smoothly. They each got to take their printed parts home with them to learn their lines, and there would be a special dress rehearsal on Saturday afternoon. Denise had attached notes about costuming to each script, but that had been before the switch around, so she just told them to try to follow the notes, but not to worry if something didn’t make sense. Nancy wasn’t sure what that was about, so she just let it go.

She didn’t even get to tell Jim herself about the disaster. Elizabeth had gotten to him first and was all wound up about it and rushed to tell him immediately. She was too happy not to have to be Mary, and really thought she’d have fun as Joseph, and wanted her Daddy to help her learn to be a boy. She was so sincere that at least Jim couldn’t laugh in her face. Since Joseph was a carpenter, he decided to take her out to his workshop in the garage and teach her to make something from wood. He came to bed all proud of his daughter that Nancy couldn’t vent about anything with him. It was just as well; he’d probably only want to talk about those sheep again.

Saturday, Dec 22

Nancy’s week went fairly smoothly. Jim and Elizabeth spent most of their days in the garage and left her alone. Elizabeth was beaming at dinner time, and tried to tell Nancy how fun it was working with her father’s lathe, but all she heard was her baby playing with a dangerous machine, so she waited until bedtime to try to talk Jim out of letting her work with scary power tools. He reassured her and told her that she didn’t need to worry; he’d been making her recite the safety rules at the beginning of every session, and he was watching her closely with his hand close to the emergency shutdown switch. It was also important to have the right kind of protective gear, so after their first day together he went down to the hardware store and bought Elizabeth her own pair of goggles and work gloves. His makeshift solution had been for her to wear Nancy’s gardening gloves and him to wear his swimming goggles. As he told her about working with Elizabeth, he seemed almost as excited as she had at dinner. He expressed regret that he’d never really saw his child as anything but “a girl” before, and hadn’t even considered the possibility that she might enjoy some of his hobbies. Nancy was happy that they were finally bonding, but felt a little jealous when he told her that Elizabeth hadn’t been awkward or clumsy at all in the workshop, and even seemed to have a knack for it. Everything she’d tried to teach her daughter had never quite worked right, whether it was burnt cookies or a tangled mass of knotted yarn that was supposed to be a crocheted scarf. Nancy wanted to watch them to see how well they worked together, but Jim told her that the workshop was strictly off limits for her until after Christmas; Elizabeth was working on a present for her. At least Jim was spending his free time at home instead of hanging out at the bar. He hadn’t bothered her with any new rumors all week. And Elizabeth was doing the pageant with her, so it wasn’t like her daughter had abandoned her completely.

Thursday evening while Jim was out doing some last-minute Christmas shopping, Elizabeth was acting secretive. She went for a walk around the neighborhood then came back and asked for Bonnie’s phone number. Nancy eavesdropped and heard Elizabeth say, “Hello, Mr. Kendall. This is Elizabeth Patterson. I’m trying to surprise my dad for Christmas, and I thought you might be able to help.” Now that she knew what it was about, Nancy didn’t want to spoil anything, so she left the room and didn’t want any details. Pete showed up a few minutes later and Elizabeth asked if she could go with him to get something for her father, and Nancy didn’t have a good reason to turn her down. She noticed too late that Elizabeth had brought her work gloves and goggles with her. They weren’t gone very long, but when they came back Elizabeth had sawdust in her hair, and Pete carried something in a big black garbage bag up to her room. Nancy made sure to thank him for helping her daughter with whatever it was, and to wish him a Merry Christmas before he left.

Nancy hadn’t gotten a chance to read Denise’s costume notes until just before the dress rehearsal, and realized too late what a mess it was going to be. Her notes for Joseph and the shepherds were innocent enough, and simply said, “Costumes are hot and can be a little scratchy. Bring a pair of shorts and a plain white t-shirt that you can wear under your robe. If you have a pair of leather sandals (not flip-flops), bring them. If you don’t, leggings will be provided.” The one for the three kings wasn’t too bad; it said, “You’ll be dressing in front of other boys, so make sure you wear clean underwear like your mother always tells you to — an undershirt and ‘tighty whitey’ briefs, not boxers. (I know baggy boxers are cool and happening, but they ruin the line of the regal robes you’ll be wearing.) Wear black socks and good black dress shoes, like an oxford or a loafer, no sneakers even if they’re black leather.” The one for Mary was definitely going to be a problem. It was, “Your costume is a simple blue dress. It’s lined, but the fabric is still kind of rough so you’ll want to wear a camisole or a full slip under it. They shouldn’t show through, but just to be safe, make sure your panties are a light shade in a solid color not a pattern design. Wear leather sandals or other open-toed shoes. If your mom thinks that your feet will be too cold with bare legs and sandals, tell her to go to Madame Suzette’s Ballet Shoppe on Spring Street to get you a pair of tan tights - you can pretend you’re wearing pantyhose like a grownup lady. A little bit of a heel is ok, but not too dressy. Remember that even though you’re playing the mother of Our Lord, she was very poor. For the same reason, keep your jewelry simple. If there’s something you must wear (like a cross necklace or a birthstone ring or you just pierced your ears and can’t take out the studs) that’s ok, but don’t overdo it. A little lip gloss would probably be okay, but Mary really shouldn’t look like she’s wearing makeup.” The notes for the sheep turned those cute little boys practically into ballerinas: “Wear white panties with no patterns or colors so they don’t show through, plain white tights with no sheen or patterned stitching, and a white long-sleeved leotard. If you don’t have one, tell your mom to go to Madame Suzette’s Ballet Shoppe on Spring Street. The rest of your costume will be a fleece headpiece with your lamb ears, black mittens and booties to be your hooves, and a cute little tail stuck on your bottom.” And the angels had it even worse. Theirs said, “The dress you’ll be wearing is a little gauzy, so wear only white undergarments: plain white panties with no design, (No thongs — this is a church!) white bra or bralette if you wear one, and a white full slip or camisole and half-slip. Also wear plain white tights with no pattern or sheen. We want you all to look as uniform as possible, so it would be good if you could all wear a pair of white Mary Janes or ballet flats. If you don’t have any, go get a pair. Tell your mom it’s a great investment and perfect for you to wear with a nice pretty dress on Easter. Also so you’ll all match, and to represent the night sky, I’d like you to wear matching silver star-shaped earrings. If you haven’t got pierced ears, now’s the perfect time to convince your mom to let you - how can she say no when it’s for church? Go to Ears To You at the mall, and one of their sets of starter studs is silver stars. Tell them I sent you and get 10% off. I’m going to try to see if I can get matching silver wigs for you all, but just in case I can’t don’t put your hair in a style that uses ribbons or elastics or barrettes. You’ll be getting a headband that holds your halo up. Even if you wear makeup these days, bring a clean face. You’ll all be getting made up at the church with some pretty sparkly stuff. But do please paint your fingers with a pearly white nail polish ahead of time. If you don’t have the right shade we can do them for you, but we won’t have time for everyone.”

Denise told Nancy that some of the mothers had called her with questions, and she’d just told them that the notes were written before the parts were switched around, so she understood if they couldn’t get everything on the list, but that they should try to get as much as possible. Nancy was offended that Denise didn’t refer the mothers to her, since she was the one in charge, but she held her tongue.

It was a bit of a shock when three of the boys showed up to rehearsal in dresses. Justin was wearing a pretty green jersey dress with white lace trim. He was wearing cute little sandals on his feet, and Nancy could tell by the seams at his toes that he was wearing hose. His hair was parted in the middle and held back with white plastic barrettes. Kelly explained that he’d wanted to make sure he did a good job as Mary, so had been practicing all week in some clothes he’d borrowed from a cousin, and frankly she just couldn’t refuse to have a little helper even more interested in taking care of the baby. Kelly didn’t think she’d even touched a diaper all week; Justin had been so helpful. Eight-year-old Bobby Perrone, the youngest of the angels, was also dressed up. He wore a pretty pink dress tied with a bow in the back that was a little too fancy for the occasion, but he looked simply precious! There were new curls in his shiny black hair, which was held back with a pink headband. On his feet were the assigned white tights and Mary Janes with a slight heel, and his ears were pierced with silver stars like Denise had instructed, and he wore a cross necklace on a silver chain.

Bobby’s mother Kendra explained, “After Bobby told me that the boys and girls in the pageant had switched and he was going to be an angel, I read the costume instructions and realized that it was written expecting a little girl in the part. I imagined that if we did everything on the list, my son would look just like a little girl. It gave me some weird thoughts — what if we did make him look like a girl? I saw this as a perfect opportunity to learn if I’d missed out on anything by not having a daughter to do girl things with. I told Bobby I though it would be fun if we played dress-up for a week and pretended that he was a girl, but told him that any time he wanted to stop, we would and I wouldn’t be mad; if it wasn’t fun we could go back. I picked the right moment to get his father to go along with it, right after I gave him a certain Christmas bonus.” She gave the other moms a knowing wink. “And Bob agreed to let me play girl games with our child. He only had one condition: apparently his older sisters had teased him relentlessly when they were little, making him pretend to be a girl and calling him ‘Bobbi Jo,’ so his only restriction was that I had to call our child by something other than ‘Bobby’ when she’s dressed as a girl. So my little sweetheart and I looked at some Baby name websites and settled on ‘Robin,’ which can also be a diminutive for Robert, so it’s not a new name so much as a new nickname. Allow me now to introduce to you my daughter Robin.” She made a sweeping gesture and the child beside her gave a little curtsy. Judging by the way she was smiling broadly at her mother, clearly Bobby was enjoying being Robin for his Mommy. She did make a cute little girl, although not quite as pretty as Justin.

Kelly spoke up, “At this point I should probably tell you we’ve been calling Rachel’s big sister ‘Tina.’ It’s a joke Dave made, to change Justin’s name to ‘Justina,’ or ‘just Tina’ for short.” Tina set down her sister’s baby carrier, and went over to tell Robin how pretty her dress was.

Steven Brooks, who at nearly twelve was the oldest of the angels, was the last cast member to arrive. His mother Carol apologized that they were late, “We’d have been here on time, but Stephanie’s appointment at the beauty parlor ran late.” Her hesitant child followed her in on cue. Stephanie appeared to be a very lovely girl, just on the cusp of womanhood. She wore a red jersey dress under a white cardigan sweater, a more casual look than either of the younger “girls” that Nancy felt was more appropriate. Steven’s shaggy mousy mop had been colored, cut and styled into a honey-brown layered bob. The silver stars in her earlobes matched more dangling from a charm bracelet on her left wrist. Her cheeks were pink from embarrassment, but it looked like her lips might be wearing some gloss. Her legs were encased in the prescribed white tights, but her shoes were black patent leather. Nancy did notice that the required white shoes (unfashionable for wearing in public in the winter) were sticking out of a shiny black handbag that Stephanie carried. She moved delicately, but nervously looked around the room. Carol continued her explanation, “I brought her in to get her hair and nails done, but at the last minute decided to surprise her with her first leg waxing. I wanted to make sure she had an experience to remember.” Some of the other mothers giggled at this. Nancy looked and saw that Stephanie did have pretty new acrylic nails on her fingers; they looked probably a quarter inch long, in the pearly white color that Denise wanted. Stephanie looked uncomfortable at all the eyes in the room staring at her, and tried to give a little smile, but it just came across as fake like a beauty contestant. Her mother didn’t help the situation any. “I suppose you’re wondering why Stephanie went to such extremes to look pretty for this show. Well you see, last week when Steven brought home his pageant instructions, his sister started teasing him that he’d have to become a girl for Christmas, and kept calling him ‘Stephanie’ until I made her stop. As nice as it is to have Michelle home from college, she never did get along with her brother. I had been planning on only minimally making Steven into an angel for the play up until yesterday. He did something very wrong that broke a rule, violated my trust, and might even have ruined our Christmas. I came home early from shopping and caught him poking around in my closet, where he had no legitimate reason to be. He’d found where we’d hidden the presents and had started unwrapping the largest one to see what it was. It was just such an unappreciative, selfish thing to do. His father was livid when I told him about it. We have never struck our children and weren’t about to start, but at that moment the temptation was great. He needed an appropriate punishment. Michelle thought we should have to make him be Stephanie after all. His father wanted to just return his presents. We all sat own in the living room, and I showed him the package that he’d peeked at, completely unwrapped so he could tell it was that new Nintendo he’d been wanting for months, that his father had stood in line in the cold at midnight to buy for him, that would have made this his best Christmas ever, until he ruined it. I told him that even after all the effort it took to get, his father was ready to take it back to the store, so some child that knows how to be grateful could get it instead. I then explained his sister’s proposal to him, and gave him a choice: either the fancy videogame and all its accessories would go back to the store, or he’d agree to spend the rest of his vacation as Stephanie, dressing and acting as a proper young lady, cheerfully and without complaint, until he had to go back to school. You see before you the results of his decision.” The expression on Carol’s face seemed to show that she was still somewhat disgusted. Nancy thought Stephanie was struggling to keep from shedding tears, but it did make her eyes sparkle nicely.

With all those distractions out of the way, Nancy organized all the children, sorting them into the Sunday School rooms, which they would be using for changing costumes. A little sign she’d taped to each door indicated which actors were to use which room. Once all the kids and the mothers who’d come with them were in the right rooms, Denise then went around distributing the costumes to each. Nancy went into the room where Elizabeth and the shepherd girls were putting woven wool robes on over their shorts and t-shirts, and they only needed help figuring out how to put on their headdresses. There was this one part that draped over the head, and then a band went on top of it to hold everything on. She checked to see how things were going in the other rooms. She checked first on the three kings, and the three girls were getting dressed without difficulties, but they were all very giggly. It turned out that Kimberly had taken their costume instructions literally and worn a pair of boys’ underpants. (They originally would have been a Christmas present for her brother from their parents.) In light of Tina, Robin and Stephanie it wasn’t that extreme, but they all thought it was outrageously funny anyway. Nancy went on to check in on the angels, since they were the ones with the biggest issues. Oddly enough, it turned out that the boys who’d shown up in dresses had a less embarrassing time changing, since their slips kept them mostly covered even when they were standing in their underwear. Carol was passing around a roll of surgical tape, and telling the boys that it would really ruin the flow of their pretty angel gowns to have a little bump sticking out in the front. Pointing out how smooth Stephanie looked, she described how she’d read up on professional female impersonators, and learned that they used tape to tuck away unwanted bulges. She tried to explain what to do, and ended up gesturing with her hands on herself, that they needed to pull “it” down and back between their legs, and then run a strip or two of tape across to hold it in place, making sure not to cover the hole on the end so they could still use the bathroom if they had to, and when they did to make sure they wipe. The men who do it also have to do some complicated thing with their testicles, but these boys were probably too young to need anything like that. In next to no time, all six angels were taped down inside their panties, and had their tights pulled back up. Tina and Robin even wanted to try taping, although they’d already been tucked back without it. It was coming along nicely until one of the other angels, ten-year-old Connor Bartlett, noticed an extra pair of straps under Stephanie’s straps and realized she was wearing a bra and pointed it out to the others, who started laughing. Stephanie’s lower lip was trembling, and it seemed that she was ready to start crying. Nancy had to do something. The slightly padded bra really did help her figure, though.

“All right, stop that right now. First of all, this is still a church. Can you really say that you were doing unto Stephanie as you would have her do unto you? Secondly, I think she looks very nice with the proper foundation undergarments, and some of you can only wish you could look as good, but there are two or three of you, I won’t be rude and name names, would definitely be improved by a little more definition and contour up there. Your angelic gowns are hanging a little too shapelessly. Since it’s only the rehearsal, we won’t put you all in makeup, but we wanted to do one today to make sure the look will work. Stephanie, please go to the Ladies’ room and wash your face so Mrs. Cooper can practice with you.” Stephanie scurried out and was in the Ladies’ room before she had the chance to think about whether it was the right restroom. Nancy hoped it would give her the chance to pull herself back together. A weeping angel wouldn’t be good for the show. Nancy took another look at the rest of the angels. Patrick Thatcher, a heavy boy the most in need of a bra, was the only other one with silver stars in his earlobes. “I’m really surprised that so few of you had the guts to get your ears pierced. I mean, even the youngest one of you could do it.” She patted Robin on the head. “But the rest of you were just big sissies and couldn’t do it.” That was a very strange thing to say to a bunch of boys in pretty dresses, but Nancy ran with it. “I’ve seen plenty of handsome guys on Hollywood magazines with earrings, so it can’t be you skipped because it wouldn’t look good. It’s not even permanent; if you decided down the road that you didn’t want to look cool anymore, you’d just have to take them out and let the holes heal.” The angels seemed adequately subdued, so Nancy went along to the next room while they were fitted for their wings and Denise came to pass out their wigs and then do Stephanie’s makeup. As if enough things hadn’t gone wrong, the next room showed another problem. The costumes for the four little boys playing sheep were nothing but leotards and tights, and their little lumpy bits were practically obscene. Clearly they needed Carol’s tape, so Nancy ran back to get her.

Once everyone was in costume, they all gathered in the sanctuary. Denise brought Stephanie in, and they saw what she’d done to her face. Her eyes looked very pretty, highlighted with dark eyeliner and mascara, and with glittery silver eye shadow contributing to the twinkling angel effect, echoed in her sparkly lip gloss and general dusting of glitter powder. When combined with her platinum wig, it all produced an appropriate halo effect that went beyond the simple tiara-like headband the angels wore. In her white feathered wings and silver gauzy gown, she almost looked like something out of a lingerie catalog. Nancy imagined that when all the angels were done up like that it would make quite a visual.

They were joined by Kate Vincent the choir director and Pastor Moore and they worked their way through the program, showing how it all came together. The minister pulled Nancy aside for a few questions about the “unusual casting.” He asked if the pageant had been hijacked as part of some gay agenda, and she tried to explain how it started with the only child who the girl Jesus would sit still for was a boy Mary, and it all sort of snowballed from there. The kids were just acting; no one as far as Nancy knew was any kind of homosexual, and it might end up promoting some understanding between the boys and the girls after walking a mile in each other’s clothes, as it were. He accepted her explanation and she didn’t have to scrap it and go back to Square One, but he did plan on working some words indirectly about homosexuality into his brief sermon during the show.

The rehearsal went well. The children for the most part remembered their cues, and really shone when they had to break into song. In particular, Tina completely floored everyone with her solo on the Coventry Carol, looking down at her sister as though Mary was singing a lullaby to the baby. Elizabeth was even so moved that she reached out and put her arm around her and also smiled at the baby. It seemed perfectly spontaneous and in character for Joseph to do, so Nancy told her she could do it again in the real performance if it felt right. The song the kids had the most fun with was “Do You Hear What I Hear,” which was staged as a sort of “Farmer in the Dell.” It started with Jeffrey coming down from the assembled choir of angels at the altar to stand in front.of the tableau in the middle of the stage area. The angels sang the first verse of the song, with Jeffrey alone singing the “Do You Hear What I Hear” part solo, as he beckoned to where the shepherds were arranged to the right of the scene. And then little five-year-old Evan Miller ran up to stand next to Jeffrey and took the solo on the second verse, which was sung by the cute little sheep boys. Evan signaled Kayla Wright to join them, and she took the solo for the third verse, which was sung by the shepherds, and she signaled to Debbie, who came over from where the kings were arranged on the left side to take the solo on the last verse, and she belted it out in a full gospel style that worked brilliantly as everyone joined in on the last line.

Nancy was certain the show would go well, and tried to tell Jim how incredible the rehearsal went when they got home, but something in his eye told her that he had more news about the stupid Methodists and their stupid sheep, so she let Elizabeth tell her dad how cool it was instead, and then the two of them disappeared to go play in the workshop.

Sunday, Dec 23

They had another run through of everyone’s lines during the Sunday School session, and everyone seemed to do well. Tina was back to being Justin for church, but Robin wore a pretty red dress with white snowflakes embroidered on it, and Stephanie wore a crisp white blouse and a gray woolen skirt over nicely ribbed gray tights and the same patent leather shoes. After the service, when Carol was enjoying the coffee hour and chatting with friends, Nancy could tell that Stephanie was trying not too look impatient while waiting. Nancy was about to go up and talk to her but then she saw that Brian Somers, the youngest member of the junior high group was approaching her with two cups of punch. Nancy held back but stayed within eavesdropping range.

Brian offered Stephanie some punch and she thanked him like a proper young lady is expected to. He said, “You look really pretty. It’s hard to believe you’re really a boy. Is it true what they’re saying?”

Stephanie had a brief smile when he told her she was pretty, but it soon became a look of worry. “Um, what are they saying?”

“You got in trouble and have to be a girl until Christmas.”

“Well, actually it’s through Christmas. Steven doesn’t get to come back until school starts up again.”

“That’s rough, man… or girl, or whatever. What did you do to deserve something so harsh?”

“I snuck a peek at my presents. I wanted to know if I was getting the Nintendo Wii I asked for. And they said they’d take it back if I didn’t agree to do this,” and she gestured over her outfit, “So it really wasn’t much of a choice, even though I don’t get to play with it while I’m being a girl.”

“I guess you could say you traded your wee-wee for a Wii.” Stephanie laughed at that stupid crude joke more than it deserved. “Wow. I thought you were pretty before, but you look even more beautiful when you laugh and make a real smile. I think you’re probably the prettiest girl here.”

Stephanie blushed. “Thanks, but I know you’re just being nice. The real girls here are much better looking.”

Brian shook his finger at her. “I never say something I don’t mean. I wouldn’t want to be talking to any of those other girls.” Even at thirteen he was quite the charmer. “What would you say if I told you I knew a way you could play with a Wii sooner? We’ve got one at home, and we’re probably getting new games and stuff for it for Christmas. Anyway, my folks are throwing a big party on New Year’s Eve and said that I could invite a friend over to keep me company down in our basement. We could play games, watch a video, eat some party food. What do you say?”

“Why not ask someone else from the junior high group?”

“They’re all older than me, so they always pick on me. You’re actually closer to my age than any of them.”

“You know it would have to be me like this, not as a guy, right?”

“That’s sort of the best part. It’s like I’d be having a pretty girl over for like a date, but it would be more like practice for a date, because I wouldn’t have to be all nervous about how to act around a real girl, and I wouldn’t have to worry about not being able to talk to you or anything. So, you interested?”

Stephanie took a moment to think, and Nancy wondered if she knew she was sending Brian all kinds of flirtatious signals with the way she touched his arm when she talked to him, and the way she brushed back her hair, or the way she made only fleeting eye contact. “Ok. I think that’s probably the best offer I’m going to get for New Year’s but I’ll have to see if it’s okay with my mom.”

“Let’s go ask her, then.” Brian held Stephanie’s hand and led her across the room and out of Nancy’s earshot. If Brian and Stephanie were making a date, did that make them gay? It was very confusing, so she tried not to think about it.

Monday, Dec 24

The night of the actual pageant, Nancy was very nervous. Jim had been very sweet and had gotten Elizabeth to help him make dinner while she took a nice, relaxing bath. It was nice to see the two of them working so well together. Jim dropped her and Elizabeth off at the church early, and would join her in the congregation later. As the kids were checking in to get their costumes, she saw that this time around, all the angels showed up with dresses on over their slips; they all had stars in their earlobes; by all appearances they had all taped themselves down before coming in; they all had painted their fingernails before getting to the church; and Jeffrey, Patrick and a third boy, Scott Phillips, were all wearing bras. Nancy would also learn that the three giggly kings were all wearing y-fronts under their regal robes. The sheep had to be taped down again, but that wasn’t a big deal. Denise started with Stephanie’s makeup again, and then had Bonnie, Kendra, and Carol help her as a sort of assembly line to duplicate that look on the other angels. Everyone was ready and in their places right on schedule. After the last set of players, the three kings, made their entrance correctly, Nancy slipped into the front row pew and took her spot between Jim and Kelly. The audience loved the show, and applauded both Tina’s and Debbie’s solos, even though you’re not supposed to do that in a church.

When it came time for Pastor Moore’s words, he thanked all the “brave girls and beautiful boys” for putting on a good performance, and then had Nancy stand up to thank her for her direction, and she had the other helpful workers on her crew stand up with her, so it would look like she didn’t want all the credit, and thanked the junior high youth group for the wonderful set. The pastor then went into his sermon about the True Meaning of Christmas, and Nancy had to pay close attention to notice that when he said, “even though we live in a permissive society, we are still called upon as Christians to live by a stricter set of rules,” he was speaking out against homosexuality. She only caught it because she was looking for it. She wondered if Brian and Stephanie were still planning a date, and whether they’d be breaking any of his rules if they were. What do twelve-year-olds do on a date these days? She’d better find out before Elizabeth starts dating. Oh, that’s a whole other can of worms best left unopened, to worry about some other day. And then the pastor was wrapping up and everyone stood for the offertory. Another bible passage and then they handed out the little candles for everyone and passed the flame. The kids got in formation perfectly and as the lights went out the congregation sang “Silent Night” while the children slowly walked down the aisle and back out to the Sunday School rooms. Nancy and her team snuck out and met them there.

It was a scene of organized chaos as the costumes came off and the children put their regular clothes back on, but most of them weren’t changing into what they’d arrived in.
Nancy thanked everyone for participating and wished them all a Merry Christmas. After the angels washed their faces with cold cream wipes, except for Robin who wanted to stay pretty a little longer, most of them took off their slips, and a couple even changed out of their panties and into boys’ underpants. Robin had on yet another party dress, Tina wore the dress she came in, and Stephanie changed into a pretty long sleeved velvet dress that was black on the top and red on the bottom. Nancy told her she looked nice and she said her family would be going to a late supper at her grandmother’s so she wanted to dress up. She even wore a little bit of pink lip gloss. Nancy caught Robin asking her mother if they could invite Tina to the “pretty dress tea party” they were going to have on Wednesday. She wasn’t sure if she should feel guilty about starting these boys on their girlish paths, but she didn’t think it was hurting any of them. She got Elizabeth and found Jim and they drove home. Their family tradition was to each open one gift on Christmas Eve and save the rest for morning. Elizabeth really wanted her parents to open the gifts from her as their one gifts. She was very excited, so Nancy didn’t want to let her down. She opened her package and it contained three beautiful wooden candlestick holders of differing heights but similar contoured shapes. They were stained a rich color that really brought out the grain. Elizabeth was smiling broadly.

“Thank you very much, Sweetie. They’re beautiful. Are these what you were helping Daddy make down in the workshop?”

Jim corrected her. “Actually, Honey, she made them pretty much by herself. I showed her what to do and she practiced each of those curves several times on some junk wood before we committed to the good stuff. All I did was load the wood in the lathe and help align it in the drill press for the candle hole. The rest is all Elizabeth.” He looked so proud of his daughter. Her present for him was three oddly shaped objects wrapped in newspaper that she had covered in Christmas stickers. She said they all went together so it should count as one present. He tore off the newspaper and there was a rotten-looking old log — did Elizabeth get her father firewood for the stove in his workshop? But Jim looked far too happy to be receiving firewood, and quickly ripped open the other two, to see more logs. He was almost giddy and asked Elizabeth, “Where did you get this?”

“It’s that old dead apple tree from Mr. Edwards’ backyard. You said you’d been wanting it for some time.”

“How did you get it?”

“I went over to Mr. Edwards and asked if he’d ever wanted to get rid of that old tree before the next storm, and told him I could get it done for free. It’s hard for an old guy like that to say no to a cute kid, so I used my best puppy eyes, and he said yes. Then I called Mr. Kendall, and told him I knew where he could get some apple wood for his meat smoker, and all he’d have to do is cut it up with his chainsaw and haul most of it away. I only wanted three pieces from the root, the trunk where the twisted branch came out, and the part where the lightning had hit it, and Mr. Kendall got to keep the rest. Did I do good?”

“You did incredible, Kiddo. These will make excellent bowls, and you’re going to one of them yourself.” He gave her a hug, and that was the closest Nancy had ever seen them. “To stay on the same theme, I think I know which present you should open now.” He pulled out a big box that Nancy didn’t recognize and gave it to Elizabeth. She opened it and pulled out a pair of brown canvas carpenter pants just like the ones Jim likes to wear in the workshop, and a red thermal shirt like his, and a pair of work boots. The last thing in the box was a small red and black plastic toolbox. “I thought if you were going to keep working down there with me, we ought to get you the right stuff to wear, and the box at first can be a place to keep your gloves and goggles, but eventually we’ll get you your own set of tools every time you learn how to use a new one.” Elizabeth gave him a big hug, and Nancy could see that she was almost crying in joy.

It took them forever to get her into bed, but eventually she settled down and they could enjoy a glass of wine. He toasted her job well done, and said he hoped her pageant was everything she wanted it to be. She asked him if he was really that excited about some old pieces of wood, and he actually said it was the best present he’d ever gotten, since it showed that his daughter actually understood him. Nancy sighed and realized that if crossing gender lines could bring the two people she most cared about together, maybe her crisscrossed pageant wasn’t such a crazy thing after all.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock

This serial is a spinoff from my holiday story, Nancy’s Patterson’s Criss-Crossed Christmas Pageant. The first couple of episodes overlap the timeline of that story, but from a different point of view. Later chapters will continue showing what happens to Stephanie, for as long as she exists.

Episode 1

It seemed like “You aren’t living up to your potential” was Steven’s mother’s favorite phrase. Any time his older sister Michelle would bring home a B on her report card, the parents were always “Good job, honey!” But if Steven got a B, they were all “Try harder next time.” While it was true that he could get B’s without trying much at all, it wasn’t fair! Just once, he’d like to be the favorite!

Then that stupid baby wouldn’t shut up at the stupid Christmas pageant rehearsal, and suddenly Mrs. Patterson was switching all the parts around, and before anyone could protest, the girls had the boys’ parts and the boys had the girls’ parts. It was nuts! He wasn’t very happy at all to be an angel.

But the worst part, the worst part, was when busybody Michelle home from her fancy college saw his pageant flyer on the kitchen counter, and started laughing at him. She claimed that the paper said he needed to wear a bra and panties and other girlie underwear stuff under his angel dress, but she wouldn’t show it to him. She said it would be nice to have a little sister again, and the memories all came rushing back.

When Michelle was nine and Steven was three, she used to dress him up in her old clothes (or maybe it was doll dresses) and say he was “her little sister Stephanie.” She made him have tea parties with her, where he’s have to refer to one of her dolls as his baby, and Michelle would have one of hers, and they’d talk about stupid girl things. Or they’d play with her Barbie dollhouse, and Steven always had to be Skipper, he was never Ken. And one time she actually made him go outside in a dress to learn to play hopscotch. Mom never stopped her; she was just happy to see her kids playing together. But there was nothing Steven could do about it.

Michelle asked their mother, “When you go shopping for Stephanie’s panties, can I come with?” Mom read the note and giggled a little and said Michelle could tag along, but Steven had to go himself as well. Michelle didn’t let it go and said, “Come on, Stephanie, it will be fun!” He tried to make her stop but she just got worse. On the way to the mall she said stuff like, “Gee, Stephanie, why are you so down? The day a girl gets her first bra is supposed to be a happy one.”

Mom didn’t make her stop teasing, and even joined in accidentally. She said, “The paper said a bra was optional. We’ll try on a slip in the changing room, and see if she needs a bra to make it hang better.”

Steven did his best to try to be invisible, and hope that the humiliation got over quickly. Mom led them straight to the girls’ underwear section, accompanied by a half a million “Stephanie’s” from Michelle. She grabbed a four-pack of medium size white panties, and handed it to him while she held up white lacy slips against him to figure out what size, and picked out a couple of them and then found another rack where it was like they’d separated the top part of the slip from the bottom part and she took some of those, and then she picked out three or four different bras and got some white pantyhose.

Then came the really embarrassing part, when she found a store clerk and said that she needed to go into a changing room with her son to try on some lingerie, but she didn’t know whether to use the men’s or women’s rooms. The clerk seemed to take a moment to keep from chuckling and said that the ladies’ changing rooms would be fine. Mom also checked that it would be okay to open Steven’s package of panties in the changing room, as long as she promised to purchase them.

The only saving grace was that Michelle waited outside the changing area. His mother had Steven strip completely naked, and then she handed him a pair of panties to put on. They weren’t very different from his usual underwear; they just had a thinner waistband and no flap in the front. But when he put them on, they came to a different place on his body than usual, and it felt weird. Mom said they fit perfectly, except for the little bulge that seemed out of place. Even though Steven was already blushing, he turned a deeper shade of red.

The next thing to go on was the white pantyhose, which his mother called “tights.” She said that they were just like Batman wears, so he shouldn’t have a problem with them. Of course Batman didn’t wear panties under his, so it wasn’t a fair comparison, but at least she was trying. They kind of went on like pants, but slower. It was obvious why they were called tights; Mom showed him how he had to stretch them out as he pulled them up. When they were in place, she had him do this weird dance to get them to sit right in the crotch. He did not feel at all like Batman — Batgirl, maybe.

And it only got girlier. Mom had him raise his arms and pulled a silky slip over his head and then tugged at the lace hem to try to see how it sat on him. She looked at him from a couple different angles, clucked her tongue, and then said the words he feared most, “You’re going to need a bra with this.” She pulled the slip off over his head and then went to her small stack of bras. The first one she tried was almost like a tank top, only it stopped in the middle of his chest with a really tight band, and the straps were very thin. It was uncomfortable, but he really had nothing to compare it to. Mom pulled the slip back over his head and looked at it, then shook her head. She said he needed one with more definite cups.

The next one she tried had a couple of triangles on the front where the boobs would go. Unlike the last one, it went on frontwards. He put his arms through the straps, and she wrapped the band around and hooked it in back, then played with the little buckles on the straps. It fit better than the last one, and he made the mistake of telling his mother it was more comfortable. She brightened up and told him that she was glad he was getting into it. It might have been comfortable, but it looked funny. There was a pleat in the middle of each triangle that wanted to be filled with something he just didn’t have. His mother seemed to agree when she saw the slip over it.

The third one was even more like a real bra. It had white lace panels on its rounded cups, and once she had settled it into place, Steven saw that the cups had some padding in them. It looked like he had real boobs, and when the slip came down it seemed even more like they belonged there. His mother fluffed his hair and said that he really looked like a real girl. She told him not to take anything off and made him wait in the booth while she handed the things she didn’t want to the attendant.

When she came back, she had Michelle with her. “You look really cute, Stephanie.” She made him spin around so she could see the back. “It’s too bad we’re not buying you a dress to go over that, or you could wear it out of the store.”

Mom actually did want him to keep the tights on since they’d be going shoe shopping next, so he had to leave the panties on, too. She did take off his slip, though, and he put his pants on to avoid feeling too embarrassed. Mom asked him if he was forgetting something, and pointed at his bra. He tried reaching around behind his back, but he couldn’t figure out how to unfasten it.

Michelle took his hands. “Come here, Sis. I can show you how to unhook that. But you know, if you leave it on you’ll look like a girl even in your jeans and shirt. Maybe it would be easier for you to go shopping for girls’ shoes if the shoe guy thought you were a girl. What do you say, Stephanie?”

Steven looked at his mother and she just shrugged, saying that Michelle had a point. Against his better judgment, Steven kept the bra on and his mother cut the tag off so she could pay for it. Steven put his shirt back on and it looked weird with the little bumps sticking out, but he did admit that he seemed girlish.

Michelle stopped him from exiting, saying that there were three things that would make Stephanie perfect. First, she took the plastic headband off of her own head and then put it on her new little sister, which instantly made his hairstyle feminine. Second, she had him make a little kissy mouth and she pulled a tube of lip gloss out of her purse and brushed some on his lips. The third thing was really mortifying. She said that little girls didn’t have lumps in the front of her pants, and he needed to open his jeans and reach down into his panties and push his thing back between his legs. He didn’t quite understand what she meant, so she reached in there and did it herself. That earned her a shocked look from Mom, but she did agree that Stephanie looked much better.

Confident in his disguise, Steven didn’t feel quite so self-conscious as they stood at the cashier to pay for his girls’ underwear. When they left the store he thanked his sister for her help, and she gave him a little hug. It was weird — normally they couldn’t stand each other. It was like Michelle liked him better as a girl.

The shoe store was halfway down the mall. Since they wanted white shoes, which were out of season, they had to go to a specialty store. Mom said she wasn’t sure if her daughter’s feet had grown any, and Stephanie happily sat in the chair while the shoe man measured her foot. He asked what kind of shoes they were looking for and when she pulled the paper out of her purse to double check, Stephanie’s cover was blown.

“White Mary Janes or ballet flats? Oh! You must be one of those angel boys from Second Baptist. Getting in a little practice being a girl, are you? You’re not the only one. There was a pretty little thing in here earlier that you never would have expected wasn’t what she appeared.”

Steven was crushed. Of course if there was only one store that sold the right kind of shoes, they’d already know about the pageant. Michelle must have figured it out or something and used it to trick him so she could dress him as a girl, just like when they were little. He wanted to rip the stupid girl stuff off and run out of there, but it was under his clothes and being naked in the mall would be even worse. He squeezed his hand into a fist and tried not to give her the satisfaction of seeing him cry.

Mom made him walk around a little in the shoes. They had more heel than he was used to, so it felt weird, but she thought they’d work just fine. Michelle winked and said “Looking good, Sis! Put a little more hip into it and you’ll drive all the boys crazy.”

When they got home he went into his room and tried to take off all the stupid girl stuff, but he couldn’t get his bra off and had to call his mother to help. She was busy and sent his sister instead. How could she be so insensitive? Didn’t she realize what Michelle had done to him? For her part, Michelle also played it cool, acting as though she hadn’t tried to trick him. She showed him how the bra hooks worked, and placed his hands for him where he’d be able to do it himself. She’d brought in his slip and the rest of his panties, and cleared a space in his top drawer for all his new special clothes. Steven just wanted to be left alone. She patted him on the head and took her headband with her. He’d forgotten that he was even wearing it.

That wasn’t all he’d forgotten. At dinner that night his father was giving Steven a weird look, and finally asked him if he was wearing lipstick. Michelle corrected him that it was lip gloss, and they all explained about the pageant and the mall and pretending to be Stephanie. Dad thought it was funny, and asked if he could see his new daughter, so after dinner Steven was once more dressed by his mother and sister in his full regalia. He said that Stephanie was very pretty, and made her give her Daddy a kiss on the cheek before sending her away.

The rest of the week was more or less normal, except that Michelle kept calling him Stephanie. By Friday even Mom was tired of it and made her stop. That night, while his father was out at his monthly poker game and his mother and sister were out finishing their Christmas shopping, Steven took advantage of being left home alone.

He knew Michelle was the favorite, but he needed to know whether his parents cared about him at all. There was only one Christmas present he’d asked them for, and if they really loved him they would have bought it. He knew his mother usually hid the presents in her bedroom closet, but when he peeked in there he was foiled. The presents were already wrapped. But he had a solution to that problem as well. There was one box that could have been his treasure, and it was indeed addressed “To Steven from Mom and Dad.” He got a knife from the kitchen and very carefully cut through the tape at the end of the box, and very gently unwrapped the box enough that he could see that this present was in fact the Nintendo Wii he’d asked for. His parents did care after all!

He was doing his little happy dance when suddenly the bedroom door opened and there was his mother. “Steven Thomas Brooks! What are you doing in my closet?” She saw the partially unwrapped present and turned red. “Go. To. Your. Room. Now, Mister!”
Steven slunk off to his room while his mother continued to yell at the back of his head.
“When your father gets home, we’ll discuss your punishment. I’d come home to get my wallet out of my other coat, but there’s no way I’m going to leave you alone now. I’ll call your sister and see if she can get a ride from someone else. You’ve been very inconsiderate, young man.”

His parents had never given him severe punishments before, but he’d never really done anything as obviously wrong either. He sat in his room fearing what would happen for a couple hours or so when the door opened and his father told him to go to the dining room for a family meeting. He did not look happy.

When Steven entered the dining room, he saw three angry faces. As soon as he sat down, his father started the speech. “We are very disappointed in you. Your mother showed me what you did, and not only have you cut everyone’s plans short tonight, but you might have ruined our Christmas. We didn’t raise you to be an unappreciative brat, and I hope you understand the magnitude of what you have done.” Steven only nodded. “Now, my opinion was that unappreciative brats shouldn’t get expensive presents that their fathers had to wait in freezing lines to buy for them, so I suggested that your punishment should be that we return your presents to the store, so that maybe they could be bought for some other kid, who deserves them. But your mother doesn’t think that would be enough.”

She spoke up, “Just not having something wouldn’t be a strong enough reminder. I wanted to come up with a punishment where you’d have to constantly think about what you’ve done and realize that you’ve completely lost our trust. I brainstormed to come up with something, but then your sister suggested something that made sense to me. She saw how annoyed you were with her calling you Stephanie and how irritated you were at dressing up like a girl, so her proposal is that you become Stephanie full-time.”

Steven didn’t understand what she was saying, and his face made that clear. Michelle stepped into the conversation, and slid a piece of paper across the table to him. “Here’s the deal: from now until you have to go back to school, you’ll have to dress in girl clothes, act in a completely girlish manner, and answer to the name Stephanie. But more than that, you can’t whine or complain or refuse to do anything a real girl would do. This paper makes it official. If you sign here, it means you agree to dress and act as a proper young lady, cheerfully and without complaint, until your school resumes classes and you can go back to being Steven. If you don’t take this deal, we go with Dad’s idea, and your cool new videogame goes back to the store, which is a shame because I was looking forward to kicking your butt at it. It also goes back if at any point you try to back out of the deal, or don’t uphold your end. Furthermore, if Steven’s not here on Christmas, neither will his presents, so they won’t come out of the closet until he’s back. Do you understand this deal?”

Steven nodded. “I think so. Either I become a girl for a week and a half, or I lose all my presents? And if I try and mess up I lose all my presents anyway?” He understood correctly. So he was being challenged. The only way he could earn back their trust would be to take this deal and put his everything into being the best girl he could be. It was weird, but it wouldn’t be for very long, and since he had to be a girl for the pageant anyway, that was one day that would take care of itself. He picked up the pen and signed his name on the paper.

Mom stood up. “Okay, Stephanie. The first thing you need to do is get rid of all your boy clothes. There’s a stack of plastic storage totes in the living room that I usually use for storing my winter clothes. Bring them to your room. Take off what you’re wearing now and put them in the laundry. Since I don’t want you running around naked, put on a pair of panties and your slip. It will have to serve as your nightgown for tonight. Then I want you to empty you bureau and your closet into the totes, with the only exception being the new things we bought you on Monday. Leave the full totes in the hallway, and your father will take them down to the basement. When all Steven’s clothes are out of your room, I want you to go to bed. I’m going out now to a store that’s having an all-night sale, so you’ll have something to wear. Do you understand?”

Steven took a moment to think about how a proper young lady would respond. He folded his hands in his lap. “Yes, Mother. I can do that. Thank you for going out so late to buy me some new clothes. I will try to do my best to deserve them. May I please be excused?”

His mother was in a bit of shock over the drastic change in his manner, so it took her a while to answer. She dismissed her child and Stephanie thanked her and slipped into the living room to go about her chores. Still furious from Steven’s transgression, she drove her older daughter off to the store to get some things for her younger one. She hoped that this whole thing wouldn’t be a mistake.

Steven had only been told to wear a slip and panties, but he put on his bra, too. He thought it would make Stephanie feel more girlish. He knew that the only way this was going to work would be if he put every effort into becoming Stephanie, to make her as real as possible. He started throwing his clothes into the totes, but then she realized that that was not the way a proper young lady would put away clothes. She dumped everything out on her bed and then carefully folded each item before placing it neatly in the tote. After dismantling Steven’s entire wardrobe, she was exhausted. Even though she was very nervous about what challenges the next morning would bring, she fell asleep almost immediately upon climbing under the covers. She just hoped that Stephanie lived up to her potential.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock So far, Steven has agreed to become Stephanie for a week and a half as a punishment. In this installment, Stephanie accepts an offer that perhaps she shouldn’t.

Episode 2

Steven awoke abruptly, as his mother was standing by the bed, shouting at him, “Up and at ‘em, Princess! We’ve got a busy day ahead of us.” She whipped the blanket off him and he saw the frilly slip and felt the tight band of his bra around his chest, and remembered what had happened the day before. He’d agreed to pretend to be a perfect girl, as punishment for peeking at his Christmas present. In the cold light of day, he wondered whether that was the right decision, but in his heart he knew that a Nintendo Wii would be worth eleven days of playing dress-up; how hard could it be? He blinked a couple times and tried to think about what a well-mannered girl would say.

Stephanie sat up and swung her legs out of bed. “Good morning, Mother. What would you like me to do first?” Mom was disappointed in how she got out of bed, and made her go back and repeat it until she could do it while keeping her knees together and without letting her slip ride up. Stephanie apologized and thanked her mother for helping her become a proper young lady.

She then handed Stephanie a new fuzzy pink bathrobe and told her to go take a bath using the soap and bubble bath in the basket on the bathroom counter. They had an appointment at the beauty parlor later, so she didn’t need to wash her hair. Steven didn’t want to think about what would happen at the beauty parlor, so he decided to have fun playing with the bubbles. Girls were lucky that they didn’t outgrow bubble baths as early as boys; he could even remember seeing TV commercials where grownup ladies were soaking in bubbles. When Stephanie was sure she’d used her flowery soap everywhere that mattered, she rinsed off and got out of the tub. She saw a big pink towel hanging on the rod where Steven’s usual towel would be, and used it to dry off. She smelled fancy and girlish everywhere and her new bathrobe felt very nice on her naked skin.

Stephanie had to do a double take when she walked into her room. While she was in the bath, someone had been busy. Steven’s bedding had been taken out and replaced with a set that had used to be in his sister Michelle’s room when she was a little younger than he was now. It was all frilly and pink. There were frilly pink curtains on the window, and frilly pink bed skirt, and frilly pink sheets, and a frilly pink bedspread, and the bed was loaded with frilly pink pillows. There was even a frilly pink tablecloth thing on top of the bureau. Her mother came in while she was still taking it all in, and asked what she thought of her new room. Stephanie gave her a big hug and said “Thank you, Mommy. It looks much prettier now.”

Her mother was kind of shaken by this. “You’re welcome, Honey. Now hop up on the bed. There’s something we need to take care of before you can get dressed. I’ve been reading up on men who dress like women professionally, and found something that they do that should be useful for you.” She opened Stephanie’s robe and then spread her knees. Stephanie was very embarrassed to be showing her boy parts to her mother like that, but it got worse. Mom took out a bottle and a bag of cotton balls and started cleaning down there. “I know you just took a bath, but that’s part of the problem. There are moisturizing oils in your bath soap that would get in the way, so I have to cleanse you with an astringent.” Stephanie didn’t know what that meant, but it felt very cold, and then kind of tingly. Then she was pushed onto her back and her mother brought out a roll of some kind of tape and did something to her stuff. “Okay, now your little penis is all tucked away and won’t be popping out making any unsightly bulges. This does mean that when you pee you have to sit down like a real girl, but you should be doing that anyway. When you do, make sure to wipe.” Stephanie nodded, still amazed by her mother’s disappearing act.

Her mother had her close her robe, and she then showed her the three laundry baskets full of her new clothes. While her mother watched, she put everything away. Because it was her first day, her mother picked out an outfit for her, but she said that in time she’d be able to pick out what she wanted to wear herself. She started with another new bra, a pair of panties, and a slip. Then she pulled a red dress on over her head and put on a little white sweater over it. She’d be wearing tights later, but her mother told her to start the day in knee socks, which were not as thin as the tights, but not as thick as Steven’s regular socks. Her shoes were a sort of shiny black version of her white shoes, but with slightly higher heels, and her mother gave her a little purse that matched. She said it contained a little bit of money, a house key, a small comb and hairbrush, and a roll of tape in case she had any “accidents.” Stephanie did a little twirl to see how her dress would move, and then skipped downstairs for a quick breakfast.

She had to sit at the kitchen table several times before she got it right. Dresses and skirts were very complicated things to operate. Steven was glad that he wasn’t one of those Scottish guys who wore plaid skirts all the time; he’d only have to be Stephanie for eleven more days, and then he’d have no more skirt issues. Breakfast was oatmeal, and by the time she had been seated properly to Mom’s satisfaction, it was cold. But she smiled and ate it anyway, thanked her for a tasty breakfast, and did her part to clear the table and clean up.

Mom gave Stephanie her new jacket, which was big and puffy and pink, with white fake fur trim, and they headed out. Michelle was anxious and ready to go, even before Stephanie had to get in and out of the car several times until she could do it right. Their first stop was the mall, where they made a beeline for “Ears to You,” an open air stall in the middle of the aisle. Stephanie’s mother talked to the girl on duty. “Hi. Stephanie here is in the Christmas pageant at Second Baptist, and Denise Cooper said that you could put stars in her ears.”

The girl looked on a clipboard. “Hmm… Second Baptist, yeah we have that style in stock. But it says here the stars were supposed to be for six boys. I’m not sure I can give you that discount.”

“Stephanie is a boy. Don’t make her have to show you. She’s just being punished for something, so we thought we’d make her prepare for her part in the pageant full time.”

Stephanie just wanted her mother to stop talking so they could get this over with. It was so humiliating that she wasn’t even thinking about the pain or permanence of getting her ears pierced. The girl just chuckled and opened a little gate. “Ok, then you cute little she-male, have a seat here on this stool.” Stephanie made sure to be careful to sweep the back of her dress before sitting down, and to keep her knees tightly together. The girl pulled things from a few different cabinets and came over. The whole process was very fast, and it really didn’t hurt much at all, since she started by numbing her earlobes. Stephanie looked in the mirror and the little sparkly silver stars in her ears really helped sell her female image. The girl pointed out that they sold some matching jewelry and she’d extend the discount to cover the whole purchase, so Stephanie left wearing a new bracelet and a necklace that both had little stars on them, too. She also got a free bottle of cleaning fluid to care for her new holes until they healed. Maybe it would look cool to keep an earring when she went back to being a boy, but it might be easier to just let the holes close up.

They then walked down the mall to the House of Beauty. Michelle showed her sister where to hang up her coat, while their mother gave their names to the receptionist. Stephanie sat in the waiting area, and didn’t make any mistakes getting into her chair. She idly flipped through a fashion magazine while they waited. Michelle was looking at the sign behind the counter and noticed something. “Hey mom, did you know they do waxing here? I think I was twelve the first time I shaved my legs, but I think Little Sis here deserves an earlier start.” Steven had never really noticed if he had hair on his legs, so he wasn’t sure why Michelle would want to shave them. And what was waxing, something women do to make their legs shiny? Mom told the lady to add that to Stephanie’s treatment, so it wouldn’t take long to find out.

They decided to do the wax thing first, so they brought Stephanie and her mother into a back room. Stephanie had to take off her shoes and socks and sit in a funny chair, and it was weird because they did like the opposite of all her training in how to sit, and they made her pull up her dress and sit with her knees apart. And then while Mom held her hand, they did the waxing, which wasn’t at all like you’d guess by the name. They should call it something more like “Painfully ripping a thousand band-aids off of your legs.” Her legs were all pink afterwards, and they had to put lotion on them. But they were very smooth, she had to admit. The wax lady also decided to tear out half of Stephanie’s eyebrows, for some reason.

They left her shoes and socks off and brought her back into the big room and sat her in a chair just like at the barber’s. The lady put a big pink plastic smock over her and leaned the chair back so her head was in a sink. Then she started washing her hair, which felt really weird, but really good. The barber had never done that to Steven; maybe being a girl had its perks. After the wash, she sat up again and the lady put some really smelly stuff in Stephanie’s hair and left it there for a while, then it was back down into the sink for a rinse, and then she stuck a big loud hairdryer thing over her head.

While her hair was drying, this one girl came over and started playing with Stephanie’s feet, and doing something that tickled her toes. She held up a little bottle and Mom approved it, but Stephanie’s head was stuck at the wrong angle to see what was going on. When the girl was done playing with her feet, she moved around and started washing Stephanie’s left hand, scrubbing with a brush and poking her fingers with a pointy stick, which hurt a little. She must have flinched, because the girl told her to keep her hand still. She then went around to the other hand and did the same thing.

When the hairdryer came off, Stephanie saw in the mirror that her hair was now a new lighter color, almost a blonde. It seemed to have more bounce to it, too. But the hairdresser wasn’t done. She pulled out a pair of scissors and started cutting, every so often bringing a spray bottle or a comb also into play. It was strange; Steven had always thought of girls as having longer hair than boys, but here this lady was making Stephanie look more like a girl by making her hair shorter. When she finished, she took off the smock and spun the chair around to give her a better look in the mirror. The hairstyle, which she called a “layered bob,” looked really cute and pretty much erased any traces of Steven that were left. She could only see a pretty girl in the mirror.

But then the hand girl came back and led her to another station. Stephanie got her first look at her feet and saw that her toenails had been trimmed and were painted with a very shiny silvery-white polish. She had to rest her hand on a table while very smelly stuff was put onto her nails that made them magically longer. Michelle came over to keep her company, and showed that she’d gotten new nails, too. Stephanie was glad that the girl wasn’t making her as long as her sister had gotten. Michelle now had these glamorous fire-engine red talons that were about an inch longer than her fingers.

Michelle told her little sister that her hair looked nice, and then pulled out a paper bag. There wouldn’t be time to stop anywhere for lunch and still get Stephanie to church on time for pageant rehearsal, so their mother had run down to the food court and brought them something to eat. But since Stephanie’s hands were being worked on, Michelle would have to feed her chicken Caesar salad to her. It was very awkward, but they got it done. Michelle only had to wipe Stephanie’s mouth with her napkin twice. The dressing was pretty salty, but her sister also had a Diet Sprite for her, and the straw made it easy.

After eating, Michelle thought Stephanie could use some lip gloss again, so she had her purse her lips again, and she squeezed stuff out of a little tube onto her lips. This gloss was different than the last one she’d tried. It tasted like strawberries. Michelle said that she’d bought this gloss especially for her, and put the tube in her purse. Stephanie thanked her and smiled, looking at her shiny lips in the mirror across the room.

When the shiny paint on her new fingernails that matched her toenails was dry, it was time to go. Her mother took her into the ladies’ room in the salon to put on her tights and shoes. Mom paid the cashier, but Stephanie had to take some money to each of the women that had worked on her and give them a tip, and thank them for their work, even the painful wax lady. Stephanie thanked her mother for making her look pretty like a real girl, but she asked what they would do about her nice new hair style when it came time to become Steven again. Mom told her not to worry, and they’d work something out. In the worst case, she could always get out the clippers and give Steven a buzz-cut like she used to do every summer.

Michelle dropped Stephanie and her mother off at the church. They were a little late. Even though her mother told everyone about Stephanie as soon as they entered, rehearsal didn’t go too bad. There were even a couple of little boys there who were also playing at being girls beyond just the pageant. The other boys who were acting as angels in the play seemed to be a lot more uncomfortable wearing dresses. They just didn’t get that it was all pretend.

When they were putting angel dresses on, little Connor Bartlett noticed that Stephanie had two sets of straps, so she was wearing a bra as well as a slip. They all started pointing and laughing. It was weird — where did they think Stephanie’s little boobs came from? Or maybe they didn’t notice them; were they too small? She was about to break down, but then Mrs. Patterson was really cool and made the other boy/girls straighten up, and sent her to the ladies’ room to clean her face so she could get made up.

While she was washing her face, she wondered if it was a sin for a boy to use the ladies’ room in a church, but a look in the mirror revealed that there were no boys in the room, just a cute girl. The makeup that Mrs. Cooper put on her made her look like someone off of a magazine cover. She had long, thick eyelashes that really made her eyes look big, and silvery eyelids, and rosy cheeks, and glistening pink lips. She finished off by dusting Stephanie’s entire face with a sparkly powder, and then put a wig on her head that was so silver it was almost white. She looked like a magical space girl from one of those Japanese cartoons. The other kids were awestruck when they saw her, and probably sorry they laughed.

The rehearsal itself was fine. Stephanie was just part of the angelic host, so she didn’t have any lines to memorize. The singing was kind of fun. Stephanie didn’t feel embarrassed by her soprano voice like Steven usually was, so she wasn’t afraid to put some actual volume into her voice, and smiled when she sang, which made the Halleluiah’s sound much happier like they were supposed to. After rehearsal Mrs. Cooper cleaned the makeup off of Stephanie’s face with a special kind of washcloth, and she was disappointed to see a regular girl instead of a supermodel in the mirror afterward. Mrs. Cooper noticed the dejected look on her face and gave her a little conspiratorial wink before getting out the stuff and making her eyelashes just a little darker. It really helped. Stephanie also got her lip gloss from her purse, and she showed her how to apply it. Satisfied with her image, she gave Mrs. Cooper a hug of appreciation and went off to find her mother.

When they got home, Dad said that Stephanie was prettier than he could have imagined, and decided that he needed to take his three lovely ladies out to dinner. They went to Steven’s favorite Italian restaurant, and Stephanie had to suppress a giggle when the waiter called her “Miss.” She didn’t think it would be a good idea to order Steven’s favorite dish with the spicy sausages and the roasted peppers, because it always gave him gas. It probably wouldn’t be ladylike to get into a burping contest with dad. She copied her sister and got the chicken Parmigiana over penne. Halfway through the meal, she had a problem. She leaned over and whispered to Michelle that she had to go to the bathroom. They got up and went to the ladies’ room together. Their father commented under his breath, “A girl for a day, and already going in packs. Go figure. It must be something about the plumbing in there that requires a crew.” His wife elbowed him for being crude.

Mom gave Stephanie a new long flannel nightgown to sleep in. It was red with a pattern of little white flowers, with white lace trim. Her mother said she didn’t need to sleep in a bra again like the night before, but that most girls like to keep their panties on under their nighties. Lying in between girl sheets in girl sleepwear and looking around the girl room, Steven wept a little, thinking that maybe ten more days of this wouldn’t be so easy after all, and wondering if he was going to have girl dreams or boy dreams.

Sunday morning brought another bath. Steven was happy to have the tape off; it was even worth the embarrassment of having his mother come in to wash his hair. After the bath he wanted to celebrate his freedom by peeing standing up, but he couldn’t. Either it was fear that Mom would catch him somehow, or it was something about how wrong it seemed to hold it in a hand with pretty girly fingernails. At any rate he had to sit to be relaxed enough for anything to come out. He put on his girly robe, and Stephanie went to tell her mother she was ready to learn how to dry her hair, but she made her put on fresh tape and a clean pair of panties first.

Stephanie had to get dressed up for church, and she wondered if she’d get in trouble with God for wearing a dress instead of pants. But if it was okay to be a girl angel, it must not be a sin to be a girl girl. It wasn’t a dress, anyway. It was a separate skirt and blouse. Stephanie wasn’t sure why when a girl wears a shirt, it’s a blouse, but felt that her mother seemed to busy to ask. The tights were thicker, more like socks than pantyhose, but still nothing Batman would wear even if they were his gray color; they had like stripes running down them. Stephanie had to wear a little half-slip under her skirt, but when she put on her white top, Mom said that her bra was a little too visible, so she had to take her blouse off and wear a camisole underneath it, which is what you call the other half of the slip. Her mother gave her the choice of wearing a light blue button-up sweater over her outfit, but Stephanie thought her blouse looked too pretty to cover up.

Michelle helped her put on the necklace and bracelet that matched her earrings, and gave her a little spritz of her cologne. Without prompting, Stephanie got out her lipgloss and put it on, impressing her sister with her technique.

The Sunday School class was really easy. The pageant cast just had to run through their parts, and all Stephanie had to do was remember when to enter and where to stand. Little Bobby Perrone was still dressing up like a girl, too, but it seemed like Robin (that was “her” feminine name) really liked it. Stephanie felt protective of her eight-year-old counterpart, and stuck by her to keep the other kids from teasing.

During the coffee hour after the service while Stephanie was just standing around waiting for her family to be ready, she was surprised to see Brian Somers walk over to her and bring her a cup of punch. He was older than her and always dressed really cool. He’d barely said two words to Steven, ever. She thanked Brian for the punch.

He said she looked pretty and Stephanie wasn’t sure what to do, so she just smiled and sipped her punch. But then Brian started asking about Steven’s punishment, so it became clear that he was only talking to her out of curiosity. He seemed sympathetic about her plight, especially when she explained that a Nintendo Wii was the prize for being a girl until school restarted. Brian even made a funny comment that Steven had traded his wee-wee for a Wii that made Stephanie laugh out loud.

But then Brian got weird and told her she was pretty when she laughed, maybe even the prettiest girl there. She gave him a playful slap on the arm and corrected him that there were many prettier girls there who actually were girls, but he said he’d rather be talking to Stephanie than the other girls. She blushed and had to look away.

He immediately got her attention back when he said he had a way she could play Nintendo before her sentence was up. Brian had a Wii at home, and rubbed salt in her wounds by saying he’d be getting more games for Christmas. Stephanie wasn’t sure how that would help her problem, but then he got to his point. His parents were throwing a New Year’s Eve party, and Brian was allowed to invite a friend over to hang out with him playing games and watching TV in his basement. And the friend he wanted to invite was Stephanie.

She wanted to know why he wasn’t picking one of his friends from the youth group, but he said the rest of them were all older than him, and as the baby of the group they picked on him. He’d rather invite someone younger than him, and he said that she was actually closer to his age. Steven thought it would be fun hanging out with him and really wanted to go, but he had to make sure that Brian knew that it would have to be Stephanie going to the party.

And that’s where it got really weird. Brian wanted Stephanie to go to his party, not Steven. He saw it as kind of a date, but since she wasn’t a real girl it wouldn’t be a real date, and he could sort of use her as practice for the real thing.

Steven still wanted to go, but Stephanie wasn’t sure she wanted a date. She ran her hand through her hair to kill time, but the chance to play Wii was just too tempting an offer. Since she’d have to be Stephanie on New Year’s anyway, she might as well be doing something fun. Who knows what girly thing Mom would try to make her do if she was home? She accepted his offer, but said she’d have to get permission.

Brian didn’t waste any time, and grabbed Stephanie’s hand and pulled her over to where her mother was talking to her friends. She wanted to wait for a lull in their conversation, but Brian was more insistent. He excused himself and then asked her if Stephanie could come to his house for New Year’s Eve, and her mother made him tell her the whole story, and she nodded a few times. Stephanie noticed her looking down at something with a puzzled expression, and then realized that Brian was still holding her hand. She wasn’t exactly sure what a real girl would do in that situation, so she just slackened her grip a little.

Stephanie’s mother said it was okay, but she had to talk to Brian’s mother first. So Brian pulled her over to his mother, and her mom followed, and he said that Stephanie was the guest he wanted to have over for New Year’s. Brian’s mother initially said no way could he be alone with a girl at a party that could go overnight, and Stephanie blushed when her mom had to explain the whole punishment story again. She laughed, and said she didn’t believe it, but Mom said it would all be made clear on Christmas Eve when she saw the pageant; all the boys were girls and all the girls were boys — it’s just that Stephanie was the only one doing it full time. She wanted to correct her mother and point out Robin, but she couldn’t see her in the room. Brian’s mother agreed, and exchanged phone numbers with her mom. And then Brian got funny again, and kissed the hand he had been holding, and said “It’s a date, then. See you later, Beautiful.” She was too dumbfounded that she didn’t even hear what her mother was trying to say to her.

Of course when they rounded up Dad and Michelle, Mom immediately had to tell them that Stephanie had made a date, and was talking about how nice “her boyfriend” was. Michelle then wanted Stephanie to tell her everything about him: what his name was, what kind of date they were going on, and especially whether Stephanie thought he was cute. She had to think carefully about what a real girl would do in that situation, and decided that she’d probably talk to her sister about a guy. She told Michelle to wait until they got home, since it would be embarrassing in front of Mom and Dad.

So when they got home, Michelle pulled Stephanie into her room and wanted her to dish the dirt all about her date. Stephanie had to admit that Brian actually was kind of cute. When she said it was a New Year’s Eve party, Michelle asked if they were going to stay up until midnight, and Stephanie said she didn’t know but probably. Her big sister then made her heart stop. She told her that Brian would probably be expecting her to kiss him at the stroke of midnight; it’s the custom for couples at New Year’s, something about good luck. Stephanie was terrified and wished her sister hadn’t told her. The next week would be a living hell of dread and anticipation!

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock So far, Steven has agreed to become Stephanie for a week and a half as a punishment, and agreed to go on a date with a boy. In this installment, Stephanie learns what family means to her, and accepts a couple more social invitations.

Episode 3

Steven’s mother was grinning broadly. “You’ve done such a great job becoming a girl for us that we’ve decided to reward you.”

His sister Michelle was there, too. “Yeah, Little Sis, you totally deserve this.”

He looked around and saw that he was wearing one of those paper hospital dresses that tie up in the back so your butt hangs out, but his butt was safe because he was tied down in a wheelchair. He saw the pink toenails on his bare feet shining cutely. “Where am I? What’s happening?”

Michelle was the one to answer. “We all love you, Stephanie. You’re much better than that icky boy was. So we’re going to keep you - isn’t that great? You’ll be able to kiss all the boys you want, now.”

Mom chimed in. “You were so brave when we had them rip all the hairs from your legs, and you didn’t mind when we poured dangerous chemicals in your hair, and you smiled when we had sharp pieces of metal stuck in your ears, so this shouldn’t be a problem for you at all, Stephanie dear.”

Steven was so confused. He saw his father walking toward him. “Dad, help me! They’re going to do something to me!”

His father laughed. “Now Stephanie, you know that Steven was a naughty boy. Remember when Mr. Mittens was a naughty boy and peed on the couch? We took him to Dr. Kellerman, and had him cut off his boy parts. Well look who’s here!” Dr. Kellerman was standing next to Dad, holding a huge pair of scissors. “He doesn’t think people are all that different from cats, so he’s going to do us all a favor and cut off your naughty boy parts, so all that will be left will be the sweet girl that everyone loves. Won’t that be great?”

“Noooooo!”

Steven woke up with a cold sweat soaked into his nightgown. It was the day before Christmas, and Stephanie had a lot to do that day. There were still nine days left in the agreement. Steven wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to make it. But since Stephanie had to be a girl angel in the Christmas pageant anyway, it wouldn’t make any sense to try to give up today. And if he gave up, he’d lose his Nintendo Wii, and that was the prize that made this whole thing worthwhile.

Since she had awakened on her own, her mother wasn’t there waiting to guide her through her morning routine. Stephanie took it upon herself to change into her fluffy pink rode and slippers and went to the bathroom to take her bath. She was soaking in the warm floral-scented water when the door flew open and Michelle barged in.

“Oh. Hi, Sis. I didn’t know you were in here, but I can’t wait anyway.” She pulled up her nightgown and sat on the toilet. “It’s a good thing we’re both girls.” Stephanie tried to make sure her important parts were covered by bubbles, and tried not to peek. She did notice that even though Mom had told her most girls slept in panties under their nighties, Michelle hadn’t lowered any. The sound of water pouring into water took way too long, but finally her sister was finished, and she ripped off a piece of paper and wiped herself. Stephanie still didn’t look.

Michelle however had no qualms about peeking. She went over to the tub before she left and looked at Stephanie in the bath. “That’s kind of cute how you tried to cover yourself with the bubbles, like an innocent maiden. Your girlish instincts must really coming along, too — you even covered your little boobies.” Stephanie hadn’t realized that, and hoped her sister was wrong.

When Michelle was at the door, Stephanie made the mistake of pointing out that she hadn’t washed her hands. She walked back over and stuck her hands in the tub and swished them around. “Satisfied now?”

It was really gross thinking that her sister’s pee-hands had been in her bathwater, so she got out of the tub as soon as she’d left. She got back into her robe and did her best to figure out how to dry her hair. Checking in the mirror showed that her efforts came close to what her mother had done the day before. She tried not to think about her nightmare as she put a fresh piece of tape on her boy parts.

It was her first time picking out an outfit by herself, and she wanted to get it right. Fortunately, the pageant dress code got her most of the way there. She put on a plain white bra and panties, the tights she needed for the show, and the slip that would go under her angel robe. All she needed to do was pick out a dress, which was all one piece, so she didn’t have to worry about matching colors or anything.

She opened her closet and she saw that she actually owned several dresses. Mom had really gone overboard buying her wardrobe. It was weird. There were a bunch of separate skirts and tops hanging up as well, and it seemed like way too many clothes than would be needed for only nine more days of girlhood. She picked out a long-sleeved red dress with little white flowers on it and white lacy edging. She pulled it on over her head like a shirt and then fastened the four little buttons at the top. She slipped on her black shoes and looked in the mirror.

Her hair had gotten messed up by the dress, so she had to brush it back into place. She saw her jewelry sitting on the bureau and put on the necklace that matched her earrings. She couldn’t get the bracelet fastened, so she left it off. A little lip gloss and she couldn’t see anything in her reflection that said “boy.”

Mom was in the kitchen still in her robe cooking. She said Stephanie looked very pretty, and complimented her for getting ready all by herself. She told her that her father and sister were out in the driveway clearing the snow that had fallen in the night. Since Stephanie wasn’t really dressed for shoveling, she could help out making breakfast.

Her mother tied an apron around her to keep her pretty dress neat. She’d just finished mixing the batter and showed Stephanie how to pour out a pancake onto the griddle, and they watched as at cooked. She showed her how little bubbles would tell her when the pancake needed to be flipped and that the edge would lift just a little when it was done. She then had Stephanie make one while she told her what to do, and then another one where her mother just watched while she went through the whole process.

Stephanie was then left alone to finish making them all by herself while Mom went to grab a quick shower. On her way out she told her that when the oven timer went off, it would mean that the sausages under the broiler would need to be turned over, and that she should make sure to use an oven mitt.

Stephanie was a little nervous being abandoned in the kitchen, but worked her way through the batter. She was in the middle of a pancake when the timer chimed, and she had to find the button to turn it off. When her pancake was done, then she found an oven mitt to open the oven and pull out the broiler pan. Flipping the little sausage patties was kind of fun; they were like miniature hamburgers so she was kind of cooking like dad at a barbecue and not really being that girly at all. She slid the broiler pan back in and returned to pancaking.

Mom came back down just in time to turn the stove off and tell Stephanie how to set the table, and almost on cue Dad and Michelle stomped into the mud room and took their boots off. They all sat down for a hearty breakfast, and her father and sister didn’t believe it when her mother told them that she’d cooked all the pancakes.

Dad was going to the mall to do some last-minute Christmas shopping, and Stephanie asked to tag along. He said she could come with him as long as she had a watch with her, so she’d be able to meet up with him at a designated time; he didn’t want to be kept waiting around. Michelle had an old watch she could borrow that looked like a pretty gold bracelet with a cheap digital watch face stuck on it.

Stephanie went to the old lunchbox in the attic space behind her closet where Steven kept his secret money. She put the $63.78 that was there into her purse, grabbed her coat, and went to her father’s car.

On the drive over to the mall, the conversation was a little uncomfortable. Dad said, “I can’t believe it’s only been a couple days; you seem so different. I’m really impressed by how responsible you’ve become. I mean, you cooked breakfast this morning, but last week if we’d left you alone with a hot stove you’d have burned the house down.” Stephanie just mumbled a thanks and nodded.

Her father continued, “When your mother and sister suggested this girl thing, I just figured you’d give up in no time. But now that I’ve seen you in action, I think you might be able to last out the week. And I think that if you actually can pull it off, you’ll have convinced me that you actually realize that actions have consequences.”

“I’ll try not to let you down, Daddy.” Steven was starting to realize that he really shouldn’t be thinking about trying to give up being Stephanie before the contract was up. He didn’t want to disappoint his folks any more than he already had.

“It’s very bizarre if what it takes to make my son a man is to put him in dresses, but I won’t argue with what works.” He shook his head confoundedly, and they drove the rest of the way in silence.

The mall itself was very crowded, and Stephanie used her sister’s advice of wearing her purse on her shoulder under her coat to keep from being pickpocketed. She walked around for a while looking for a few last presents, and really felt like a natural girl going shopping for her family. She was standing in line to use the ladies’ room and had a sudden realization that she hadn’t really been worrying too much about being recognized, even though many people who knew Steven were out shopping. She had a moment of panic, but it went away when one of the other women in line asked her for the time.

She got her shopping done fairly quickly, and found some really good deals. She even had money left over that she could make an impulse purchase with. Stephanie made it to the rendezvous with her father with time to spare. It was important to show him that she could honor an agreement, even a little one. She killed time watching people, paying attention to what the other girls were wearing. A screeching noise caught her attention and she saw a really obnoxious little brat throwing a tantrum in the line of kids waiting to sit on Santa’s lap. She wondered if that was how Steven looked to his parents.

Dad was kind of pissed off at the crowds, but he seemed to brighten noticeably when he saw Stephanie waiting. She smiled and then caught up with him, shifting her shopping bags so that he couldn’t see where she’d been. He put his arm around her in a way he never would have done with his son and escorted her out to the car. As a surprise for Mom, they picked up lunch, a bucket of chicken, on their way home.

After helping clean up after lunch, Stephanie disappeared into her room to wrap her new purchases. Shortly after she put her presents under the tree and fiddled with some of the gift tags on old presents that still said “From Steven,” it was time to go to church.

The rest of the boys who were playing angels in the pageant also came dressed as girls. It was kind of cool; they all even had earrings and nail polish. She wasn’t sure, but it looked like she might not even be the only one wearing a bra. They all took off their dresses and put on their angel robes, but it seemed like she was the only one who had to change her shoes. Everyone else had worn their white shoes, even though Mom had said white shoes were unfashionable in the winter.

Mrs. Cooper did Stephanie’s makeup first, just like she had at rehearsal, but then she had to sit still while her mother and the other ladies worked to make all the other angel faces match hers. It was like she was a model; it was really fun! They got their wings and silver wigs and then they were all beautiful angels. The pageant itself went really well; everybody was in the right places when they were supposed to, and almost everyone remembered their lines.

The songs were very pretty. The congregation even clapped a couple of times, which wasn’t something that happens very often in a church. At the end of the service, they got to hold actual real lit candles while they walked out the aisle in pairs, but Mrs. Patterson was waiting right outside the door with a bucket of water that they had to put their candles in.

Stephanie went with the other angels back to the Sunday School classroom to change out of their costumes. Mrs. Cooper was there with special washcloths to take the makeup off. Little Bobby Perrone who was still playing at being a girl named Robin wanted to keep her pretty makeup, so her mom said she didn’t have to. Justin Turner, who’d starred in the pageant as the Virgin Mary with his little sister Rachel as baby Jesus, was also staying dressed as a girl for some reason. Tina and Robin were getting along really well; it was kind of weird. But Stephanie was kind of worried that they didn’t understand

Stephanie’s mother had a new dress hanging up for her to change into. It was fancier than the one she’d worn all day, with a black velvet top and a very long red skirt.
It was disappointing watching all the other girls turning back into boys while she had to get prettier. Some of them even got to change back into boy underwear, and got a little embarrassed to be changing in the same room as Stephanie, Robin, and Tina.

Stephanie pulled back her hair with a red padded headband that matched her skirt, freshened her lip gloss, and checked the mirror to make sure she looked okay. Mrs. Patterson came around to collect the costumes and told Stephanie she looked really nice. She thanked her and said that the pageant had been very fun, and gave her a little hug.

Michelle came in to tell Stephanie that their father was warming up the car. Tina and her family had left, so Stephanie asked for her sister to wait a minute. She went over to Robin and kneeled down to tell her a secret.

“I was the oldest one of the angels and you were the youngest. Since we’re both girls, I say that makes me the Queen of the Angels and you the Angel Princess.” She did a silly fashion pose, and Robin copied it. “When I was out shopping today, I saw something that made me think of you, so I’d like to give you a present, if that’s ok?” She pulled a little wrapped package out of her purse, and looked to Robin’s mother. She gave an approving nod.

Robin unwrapped the little package and saw that it was a little enameled charm with a clip on it. It was a tiny image of Robin, Batman’s sidekick. She looked confused.

Stephanie showed her the clip. “It attaches to a zipper pull. I thought that when your vacation is over and you have to go back to being Bobby all the time, you might want to have a reminder of your secret identity. No one would pick on you for being girly, because they’d think it was just Robin the Boy Wonder clipped onto Bobby’s coat. But you’d know that it really stands for Robin the Angel Princess, and you can remember wearing your pretty dress.”

Robin thanked Stephanie and gave her a big hug, and her mom said that it was a very thoughtful gift. Robin apologized that she hadn’t gotten Stephanie anything, but she said her beautiful smile was present enough. Then Robin whispered a question to her mother and she whispered back a yes.

Robin stood up straight and then made a little curtsy. “Because I have to put my dresses away, my Mommy and I are having a special celebration on Wednesday. It’s going to be a Pretty Dress Tea Party with real tea and real tea party sandwiches and real cake, just for pretty girls in pretty dresses. It’s going to be me and Mommy, and Tina, and Tina’s mommy and little sister. Would you like to come to my party, too?”

Stephanie took a little too long to answer, and Michelle butted in. “I’m sure Stephanie would love to come! We wouldn’t dream of breaking a little girl’s heart.” Stephanie hoped it wouldn’t be too bad. Michelle added, “She’s going to need a ride; can her big sister tag along?”

Robin looked at her mother, who nodded. “Sure, as long as you wear a Pretty Dress.” It was agreed, and Michelle got the details about where and when and they went off to the car.

Stephanie was mad at her sister for making her agree to go to a little girl’s party, but Michelle reminded her that the deal she’d agreed to said that she wasn’t allowed to refuse to do anything a real girl would do, and a real girl wouldn’t turn down an opportunity to get dressed up and have a fancy tea. She tried not to sulk too openly on the way to their grandmother’s.

The trip took almost an hour, so Stephanie was pretty hungry by the time they got there. Michelle helped her fix her hair and told her to freshen her lip gloss. Dad had to carry the laundry basket full of presents for the relatives, so Mom handed the two sisters each a pie to carry, and she brought a third one with her.

Grandma met them at the door and had a big hug for her daughter. “Like I always say, it wouldn’t be Christmas without Carol! Oh, and is that my newest granddaughter? Let me get a good look at you! You’re as pretty as your mother used to be. Some day you’ll break a lot of hearts.” She gave Stephanie a little kiss on the cheek and ushered them all in.

Then it was like Stephanie had to be presented to the rest of her family. Aunt Jeannie, her mother’s sister gave her a big hug and made her spin around to show the full look. Uncle Frank, her husband, just gave a silent nod.

Dan, her seventeen-year-old cousin, gave a wolf whistle. “When Aunt Carol told us you were coming dressed up as a girl, we did not expect that. You’re kind of hot for twelve.” He probably would have gone on, but his mother stopped him.

Twenty-two-year-old Matt agreed with his brother. “You really look natural, Steph. If I didn’t know, I’d never have guessed.”

Matt’s fiancée Grace was with him. She was the most beautiful actual person Steven had ever seen. She had huge blue eyes and long wavy blonde hair, and a figure like a bikini model. She slapped Matt teasingly. “You’re all playing a trick on me, aren’t you? I’ve never met your cousin Stephanie, so you got together and decided to pretend that she was really some boy cousin. Now fess up!” Stephanie was proud that she was that convincing, but inside Steven was sad that she’d forgotten meeting him at Uncle Frank’s birthday party last year.

Matt showed Grace where Grandma had photos of all her grandchildren arranged on the wall behind her couch, and pointed to the one with Michelle and Steven and their parents, to prove they weren’t playing a joke on her. Grace smiled the prettiest smile and apologized to everyone, then told Stephanie she looked amazing.

Aunt Jeannie pulled Stephanie and Michelle aside and had them pose on the landing on the front stairs so she could take their picture. They had to get into a very specific arrangement for her, with Stephanie in front of and slightly to the left of her sister, with Michelle’s hand on her shoulder. Stephanie hoped she wouldn’t be showing the picture to too many people.

Then Grandma ushered everyone into her big dining room to sit down for Christmas dinner. It was a huge feast of ham and mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes with marshmallows and lima beans with bacon and candied carrots and candied pickled beets and three colors of Jell-o and two shapes of dinner rolls. Stephanie watched how daintily Grace was eating, and tried to copy her. Steven would have wolfed it all down, but even though she was starving she tried to be good.

After eating, it was suggested that they wait to have dessert and instead go back into the parlor to exchange presents first. Stephanie helped her mother and grandmother clear the table. Aunt Jeannie disappeared into the back bedroom, Michelle was lazy and went off with the boys, but Grace pitched in with the dishes, too. Grandma put Stephanie in charge of dividing the leftovers into little plastic containers so that everyone could take some home.

Mom got everyone their choice of coffee or tea or hot chocolate in one of Grandma’s billion Christmas mugs, and they all found seats in the parlor to pass out gifts. Aunt Jeannie went first, handing her special surprise to her sister.

It looked like a framed variation on one of her scrapbook pages. She must have brought her printer, because the photo she’d just taken was on the right cut into an oval shape. On the left was a picture of little Jean and little Carol when they were almost the same age as Michelle and Stephanie, taken on the same spot in the same poses many years earlier. Across the top in big purple letters it said “Sisters,” and in the middle was a pretty poem all about what it means to be a sister.

Mom loved it and cried a little, and showed it off to her daughters. Aunt Jeannie said she needed to take advantage of the opportunity, because when else would there be another pair of sisters in the family? Jeannie gave her little sister a big hug, and Stephanie realized that her mother’s sister was just about as much older than her as Michelle was older than Stephanie. It was something she had in common with her mom. Steven had never made the connection before.

Grandma got all the kids gift cards to amazon.com, which showed that she was pretty cool for an old lady. She said that she was glad that she didn’t have to change her gift when Steven became Stephanie. Also, it kept them from arguing over who got the better present. She even said that she’d mailed the same gift cards to Dan and Matt’s older brother Jack, who lived in California with his wife Paula and their little boy Jordan.

Aunt Jeannie’s gifts for her nieces were also her handiwork. Besides scrapbooking, she liked to do beadwork, so both Michelle and Stephanie received jewelry sets, with a necklace, a bracelet and a pair of earrings made from matching beads. Michelle’s was purple and Stephanie’s was pink. She thanked her aunt for making such pretty things for her.

Michelle promised her sister that she’d show her a trick the next day for how she could change her earrings even though her piercings hadn’t healed completely. Stephanie hadn’t even realized that it would be a problem, so she thanked her.

While they were eating their pie, Grace was talking to Matt. She said, “You know, I just had a crazy idea. Do you think maybe Stephanie could solve our wedding problem?”

Matt shook his head. “You’re right; that is a crazy idea. I don’t think she’d go for it.”

Stephanie was curious. “What’s this problem?”

Grace started to explain, but Matt talked over her. “You know how in TV shows, married guys all hate their mother-in-laws? Well, there’s a reason for that. Mine isn’t even an in-law yet, and she’s already causing trouble.”

“What did she do?”

This time Grace answered. “You know how we’re getting married on June 28, right? Well, mother and I were working on the seating chart for the reception, to make sure we had all the invitations sorted out. And that was when she realized that my little brother Christopher was going to be sitting down at the table with her and my father, but both of Matt’s brothers were going to be ushers, so they’d be up at the head table. She decided that Matt needed to ask Christopher to be an usher, too. But he’s only fourteen, so he’s more of a junior usher.”

“I’m still not sure how this is something I can help you with.”

Grace’s voice was getting more excited. “The thing is, adding another usher would just throw off the balanced look of the ceremony. So what I need to do is add another bridesmaid. But ideally, to balance a junior usher I’d need a junior bridesmaid. And I just don’t have any friends or family members who are young teenage girls that I could ask. But, if Matt’s junior usher is coming from my family, maybe my junior bridesmaid could come from his. So, what do you think? Do you want to be my junior bridesmaid?”

Matt chimed in. “Don’t say ‘no’ right away. We wouldn’t have to tell anyone your secret. As far as anyone else knows, you’d be my female cousin Stephanie. You should be out of school before the wedding, so it wouldn’t be a problem if you needed pretty hair or fingernails or something. You’d really be helping me out here. I can even pay you like a hundred bucks for doing me this favor.”

Stephanie thought about it. It would be really cool to be a hero to Grace, and some money might be cool. But Stephanie was supposed to go away after New Year’s. Did Steven really want to have to bring her back for a day in the summer? It would only be a day; that might not be too bad. Then Stephanie remembered the contract. She wasn’t allowed to refuse to do anything a real girl would do. There was only one possible answer.

“Thank you, Grace. I would love to be in your wedding! Every girl dreams of having the chance to be a part of someone’s magic moment. And no, Matt, you don’t need to pay me. You’re family, and helping family is its own reward.”

Grace gave her a hug and said that even if she wouldn’t accept their money, they’d still cover all her expenses and she wouldn’t have to pay for her dress or shoes or anything.

On the ride home, Mom said that it was a very thoughtful thing Stephanie was doing for her cousin. She was impressed. She did say that it meant she couldn’t go with the buzz-cut plan, since it wouldn’t be long enough in time for the wedding. Instead, Steven would have to slick his hair back or something when he returned to school. It also meant that it would probably be best if Steven kept his earrings even when he went to school; maybe they could find him a pair that were less feminine.

Stephanie hadn’t realized that her decision had so many implications. It gave her a lot to think about as she drifted off to sleep in the car.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock By foolishly deciding to peek at his Christmas presents, Steven earned the punishment of living as a girl. Stephanie’s been doing a fairly decent job emulating a well-mannered young lady, while still making some unusual choices. She’ll be an older boy’s date to a New Year’s Eve party, and most recently she agreed to serve as a junior bridesmaid in her cousin’s wedding next June. It’s now Christmas, and Stephanie learns a little more about herself.

Episode 4

It was Steven’s fourth morning waking up in a nightgown, and he was almost used to it. Stephanie sat up, gathered her skirt and got out of bed the way she’d been taught. She didn’t remember anything after falling asleep in the car on the way home from her grandmother’s. Someone must have undressed her and put her to bed. The nightgown she was wearing was one she hadn’t seen before. It was sleeveless, which made it look kind of like a slip with really wide straps. It was a pale pink with “Merry Christmas” written all over it in red cursive letters.

The family Christmas tradition was for everyone to keep their pajamas on all day, so Stephanie put on her robe and slippers and crept down to the kitchen. The clock on the wall told her it was 6:30. She’d gotten up early like an excited little kid who couldn’t wait to see her presents. Everyone else was still in bed.

She figured she might as well do a nice thing and make breakfast for the family. She started by figuring out how to use the coffee maker. Steven had seen his mother make a pot hundreds of times, so she knew the steps involved but just wasn’t sure of the measurements. The pot had marks on it so you knew how many cups worth of water to put in, but she didn’t know how many cups Mom usually made. She figured the safest bet would be to fill it to the highest mark. Then the question was how much coffee to put in the filter. She tried to follow the instructions on the back of the can, but she didn’t know how many ounces were in the cups the marks on the pot referred to, so she went with her best guess.

There was a can or tube or whatever you call it package of dough for making cinnamon rolls in the fridge. The directions spelled out the steps specifically, and Stephanie thought it looked like something she could handle. She turned on the oven to preheat and got out a baking pan. She went to wash her hands, and the sleeves of her robe were getting in the way, so she took it off and hung it over a kitchen chair. She found the apron her mother had made her wear the day before and tied it on.

Making the rolls was pretty easy! The package even had little pictures showing what to do at each step. It was fun rolling up the little pieces of dough. She hoped they came out okay. Once they were in the oven, she set about finding something else to serve for breakfast. She settled on trying to make scrambled eggs, but she had no idea where to start.

She smacked herself in the forehead and looked in the big plaid cookbook that Mom always uses when she needs to look up the cooking time for a roast or something. Sure enough, it had a recipe for scrambled eggs. She didn’t want to do too many things at once, so she waited until the rolls came out of the oven before she poured her egg mixture into the frying pan.

Her big sister Michelle came into the kitchen and asked what smelled so yummy. Stephanie told her the rolls were still cooling but she could help herself to a cup of coffee. Michelle was really impressed by how domestic she had become. Stephanie set a plate of eggs in front of her sister and had started frosting the rolls when their sleepy parents shuffled in.

Mom was pleased. “Thanks for making breakfast, girls! This is a nice Christmas surprise.”

Michelle shook her head. “Don’t thank me. This is all her doing. I just got here. Her eggs are pretty good — you’ve got to try them!”

“You did this all yourself? That’s very sweet of you.” Steven had never shown any initiative in the kitchen before, so his mother was very confused.

Stephanie set a plate of cinnamon rolls on the table and ran her hands down to smooth her apron. “Well, I realized that even though I accepted my punishment, I never actually apologized. So I just thought I’d make some breakfast as a way to let you know I really am sorry.” She hung her head. “I’m not trying to get you to shorten my sentence or anything; I just wanted to let you know I regret my mistake, and didn’t want that getting in the way of any celebrating.” She wiped her nose and smiled honestly. “So, merry Christmas! And I hope you like my breakfast.”

Everybody liked her breakfast. The cinnamon rolls were particularly tasty, but even there were enough for everyone to have two of them Dad had seconds on eggs instead. The best part was when Mom said that Michelle had to clean up. Stephanie swapped back her apron for her robe and went with the folks into the living room while her sister dealt with the dishes.

She settled into a seat on the couch and watched her father turn on the lights on the tree. It was then that Stephanie noticed that there were five stockings hanging from the mantel instead of their usual four. It took her a while to figure out that the extra one hanging between Steven’s and Michelle’s was for her. It was purple with a silver angel patch sewn on it. When Michelle was finished and came into the living room, Mom took down the stockings and passed them out.

When she got to the end, she took Steven’s stocking off its hook. “Since he’s not here, let’s see what he got.” She flipped it over and a small black rock fell in her hand. “A lump of coal — I guess Santa put Steven on his ‘Naughty’ list.” She put the coal on the mantel and went back to her seat. “Why don’t you go first, Stephanie? Maybe Santa put you down for ‘Nice.’”

Stephanie didn’t really like Mom’s “joke,” if that’s what it was. She dumped out her new stocking and saw a pile of reasonable presents for a girl. There was the usual Christmas orange, a roll of wild cherry Life-Savers, a pretty bookmark made from a pressed flower laminated in plastic, a pair of silver barrettes with little flowers on them, a glittery tube of lipgloss, a bottle of mascara, and some perfume of her very own. She thanked “Santa,” and gave her perfume a little sniff. She thought it would make her smell really grown up.

When they went on to the actual presents, Stephanie got some more really girly things. The first thing she opened turned out to be a doll. She was almost twelve, which she was pretty sure was too old for dolls, so it confused her. But Mom explained that this porcelain doll wasn’t for playing with; she was just supposed to sit on your bureau and look pretty. Sometimes girls had some really stupid stuff. Stephanie took the doll out of the box and looked at her. She had blonde curls in her hair almost the same color as Stephanie’s, and she wore a blue dress with a big poofy skirt.

Mom said Stephanie needed to give her doll a name, which seemed even more stupid. But she went ahead and did it anyway. “Well, since I got her on Christmas, I’ll call her ‘Chrissy’ to mark the occasion.” Mom didn’t quite seem satisfied, so Stephanie addressed the doll, “Does that sound like a good name to you, Chrissy?” She held the doll’s head to her ear and frowned. “She said I should have known by her blue dress that she was Jewish. She’d rather be called ‘Hannah’ in honor of Hannukah.” Mom looked a little more content with that answer, and Dad was just cracking up. Stephanie sat Hannah on the couch next to her, and showed her each of her other presents as they were opened.

Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without receiving an embarrassing gift of underwear. It was extra embarrassing for Stephanie to get a four-pack of panties in pretty colors and prints. They somehow seemed worse that the white ones she’d been wearing so far. It got even more embarrassing when her next package was two more pairs of panties in pretty colors, and these had matching training bras. When Michelle made her show what she’d gotten, even Dad was embarrassed to be looking.

Michelle’s gift to Stephanie was a pair of small gold hoop earrings. She said they were more comfortable to sleep in that the ones they pierced her with. That reminded her that she was going to show Stephanie how to change her earrings, so she dragged Stephanie up to her room. She went into the attic space behind her closet and pulled out her fishing tackle box. Then she went into the bathroom and came out with a bottle of rubbing alcohol.

Michelle started by cutting a couple three-inch lengths of heavy fishing line. Then she cleaned them off using the alcohol and some cotton balls from her makeup table. She had Stephanie sit in front of the mirror so she could see what she was doing. She warned Stephanie that the next part might be a little uncomfortable, but since she’d been spinning her earrings as ordered it shouldn’t be too bad. She threaded the fishing line through the holes in her ears, next to the earrings. With the strings still in her ears, Michelle then took her earrings out. Then she used the fishing line to guide Stephanie’s new earrings through the holes, and latched them closed behind her ears. Finally, she pulled the strings out, leaving the earrings in place.

Stephanie thanked her sister and said that they probably would be more comfortable to sleep in than the others. Michelle cleaned up her earlobes with the alcohol-soaked cotton, and she saw a little blood. It was kind of scary, but Michelle seemed to know what she was doing. She put the pieces of fishing line in Stephanie’s room, and told her she could use them any time she wanted to change her earrings, since her holes wouldn’t be finished healing before her week was up. Then the sisters went back down to finish opening presents.

Stephanie’s other presents were an assortment of plastic bracelets, a set of colored pencils (which was the only present she got that Steven would also like), a new pair of shoes so she wouldn’t have to wear her shiny Mary Janes all the time, and a nice watch that used to be her mother’s but was a lot prettier than the one she’d borrowed from her sister.

The presents that Stephanie gave everyone got very positive reactions. Stephanie got her sister a nice looking hair band. Back on the first day when they were getting Steven girls’ underwear for the Christmas play, Michelle had lent her little brother a headband to help him pretend to be Stephanie. So she wanted to return the favor and get her big sister something to remember that moment. Michelle thought it was very sweet and thanked her even more than she did for her other present, a gift card for getting music for her iPod that she’d bought back when she was still a boy.

Steven had originally gotten his mother a red scarf that was nice, but really didn’t mean anything. Stephanie’s additional present for her was a gift certificate to the beauty salon that had created her own new look. She said that when they’d been there before, Stephanie got all kinds of things done and Michelle had gotten her fingernails done, but their mother had just sat and watched; she deserved to feel pretty, too. Mom got a little weepy and gave her little girl a big hug.

Stephanie’s present for her Dad was a bigger deal. She said that it wasn’t fair that he had to go stand in line at midnight in the cold to get Steven a Nintendo Wii and have nothing to show for it. Stephanie said that the video console should belong to the whole family to share, and so she got her father a Tiger Woods game that he could play on it. She told him that the guy in the store said that it’s supposed to be a good enough simulation that it could help his actual golf game. She made sure that he knew this definitely wasn’t a trick to get him to hook up the game early; she wouldn’t be playing it until she was Steven again. It was a much better present than a tie. Dad stood up and tried to give his son a manly handshake of appreciation, but his daughter gave him a girlish embrace instead.

When all the presents had been opened, Stephanie worked on gathering the torn wrapping paper and empty boxes to put them in the recycle bin, Mom got Michelle to help her get lunch (a light selection of cold cuts and salads) ready, and Dad worked on assembling the magazine rack that Mom had given him for his study. Picking up the trash almost felt normal, like something Steven would have had to do anyway.

After lunch, Stephanie had some free time to herself for the first time since she became a girl. She wasn’t sure if any of Steven’s hobbies were appropriate for a proper young lady. Video games were right out, since they’d be too strong a reminder. He liked to take model airplane kits and put them together wrong to change the designs into cool spaceships, but that was a little too boyish and she didn’t have one anyway. He spent a lot of time drawing secret comic books, but Stephanie didn’t feel right working on them dressed as a girl. She didn’t want to draw anything else so she could save her new pencils for Steven. When Mom turned her room all girly, the bookshelves were removed, so she didn’t have anything to read.

She went down the hall and asked Michelle if she had any books from when she was younger that would be good for a girl her age to read. She said she thought she might have some and went scrounging through her attic. She pulled out an old box full of paperbacks, and got a nostalgic smile as she remembered the stories she used to love. At first she handed Stephanie four books about the “Baby-sitters Club,” but then something else made her start to giggle.

With a weird expression on her face Michelle handed a book titled Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret to her. She said, “This one is perfect for you. It’s all about becoming a teenage girl. It will let you know what to expect.” Stephanie took the book and thanked her, but something in Michelle’s face seemed off. She recognized the author as having written some books that Steven liked, so she thought she’d probably like it as well, and didn’t get why her sister was acting funny.

But since she didn’t have anything better to do, she went into her room, kicked her slippers off and lay on top of her bed to read the book. It caught her interest quickly —like Stephanie, Margaret’s age was eleven going on twelve, so she found her easy to relate to. But then she started talking about bras and periods and it got kind of embarrassing.

The part where Margaret went shopping for her first bra was scarily similar to Stephanie’s own experience getting one. For a brief moment, she considered putting one on under her nightgown to look more girlish, but she was sure that Michelle would notice and tease her for it.

The period stuff was just gross. There was a day in the fall at school when the girls all stayed in class while the boys got taken outside to play basketball, and Tommy Peters said it was because the girls were in there learning about getting their periods. He said that his brother told him to expect it. Girls around Stephanie’s age started getting ready to make babies, which seemed way too early, but their bodies wanted babies in them, so every month they didn’t have a baby in them their wombs would melt and run out their girl parts. It was pretty disgusting if you thought about it.

And then there was some stuff in the story about kissing boys, something Stephanie was not looking forward to. Ever since Michelle found out Stephanie was going over to Brian Somers’ house for New Year’s, she’d been telling her she’d have to kiss him at midnight. The story’s “happy ending” was even about more periods!

Stephanie marched into her sister’s room and dropped the book on her bed. “Why do you hate me so much?”

Michelle looked up from her magazine and saw a pouty face. “I don’t hate you. You’re my little sister.”

“No, I’m not. And that’s the point! You’ve just been pushing this girl stuff way too hard — like this book, it’s all about growing boobs and kissing boys and periods! You were laughing because you like torturing me. It’s like the shoe store. You hate the real me, so you pretend to like Stephanie-me.” Steven tried to keep from crying.

Michelle stood up and tried to give her baby sibling a hug. “Please sit down, and I’ll try to understand what’s bothering you. I’m sorry if that book was a little too feminine for you.”

Stephanie reluctantly sat on the edge of the bed. “Why are you so pushy about this girl stuff?”

Michelle sat on the other end of the bed to give her enough space. “Okay, I’ve only had one semester of Psych, but I think that should be enough to understand myself. You have to keep in mind that I spent the first six years of my life as an only child, so by the time my personality formed I was pretty used to being the star of the show. And to make it worse, whenever we’d go on vacation with Aunt Jean and Uncle Frank, the only kids around would be the boys. So if I wanted to go explore the woods with Jack and Matt and Danny, I had to be a boy, too. They called me ‘Mickey.’ Sometimes Danny still does.”

She checked to make sure Stephanie was still following, and saw that she’d gotten a little more comfortable on the bed. “So there I am at six and Mommy tells me she’s going to have a baby. She was so sure it was going to be a girl. We still had all my girly baby clothes that didn’t get handed down to Danny, and I’d used some of them on my baby dolls, but this was going to be a real baby sister. I was so excited! I wouldn’t be the only girl in the family anymore. And then you came out and you were a boy and I was so mad! I threw a fit and they made me stay at Grandma’s for the first couple weeks you were home. Eventually I got to the point where a baby was at least a baby, so I tried thinking of you as sort of a living version of a doll. If you’ve ever been around a real baby for a while, you know they’re a whole lot smellier and louder and more annoying than dolls.”

Stephanie was kind of nodding, so she kept going. “So, I didn’t have a baby sister, I didn’t have anywhere near the attention I used to get from Mommy and Daddy, and there was this smelly screamy boy in my house. I wouldn’t say I hated you, but I didn’t really like you much. Then you got older and started walking and talking and stuff and suddenly it was ‘Michelle, watch your brother’ all the time. There was this incident when you were like three and you were running and you broke a vase, and I was the one who got in trouble for it, because I should have stopped you. It wasn’t long after that when I started dressing you in my old clothes and made you play ‘Little Sister Stephanie.’ “

“So is that when you started hating me?”

“I don’t hate you. We just have nothing in common. And once you got in school it was all over for me. When you were in second grade, they had your class take a test and the teacher called Mom and Dad in and they told them that you’d scored some amazing genius numbers on the test. So they started imagining you with some fancy future as a doctor or lawyer or scientist or something, while poor average me will be lucky if I get to be a faceless cubicle dweller.”

“They said that about me?”

“Yeah, do you remember they tried to put you in the smart kids’ class, but you wouldn’t do the work so they bounced you back. But you still have way more aptitude than I’ll ever have. The one thing an older sibling is supposed to be able to do is show the younger one how to do stuff, but schoolwise there’s nothing I can teach you. Like that book you just read in a couple hours — it took me about a week when I was your age. Or how you stopped playing Scrabble with me because you can’t stand my spelling, and I still haven’t got a clue about math. There’s nothing we can relate on.”

Michelle pointed at the tackle box she’d forgotten to put away. “Or like how I made Dad take me with him to go fishing. It’s really pretty cool out there matching wits with a force of nature, and we kind of bonded over it, but he’d always say he couldn’t wait until you were old enough to come with us. He really wanted to do some father-son stuff with you. But then when you were old enough you said the worms were gross and you wouldn’t touch them, and even when we baited your hook for you, you thought the hook was too cruel on the fish, and when I caught this awesome bass and it was flopping around you freaked out! You tried to get as far away from the fish as you could, and you were screaming and we nearly tipped over. I had to throw the fish back, and Dad turned the boat around and we went home, and he said he’s been waiting for you to ask to come along when we go fishing, but you never have since. So even though that’s a boy thing, I can’t give you any advice.”

Stephanie shuddered at the memory of the icky fish, and Michelle put her arm around her. “So I’ve just been sort of waiting for us both to be adults when the age difference won’t matter, and maybe we’d have something in common, but then this cross-dressed Christmas pageant comes along, and when we were in that changing booth and I helped you look like a girl to be less embarrassed, I realized something.”

“What?”

“That being a girl was something that I could give you advice about, that maybe it would be the one thing that we’d finally have in common.”

“But then why did you try to trick me at the shoe store?”

“Huh?”

“You made me look like a girl to go buy shoes, but the shoe store man already knew that the angel shoes were for boys, so we weren’t fooling anyone and it was humiliating!”

“Um, you’re the super-genius, not me. I never would have expected the shoe salesman to know that those shoes were only being bought by boys. I was legitimately trying to spare you some embarrassment. Sure, I was teasing you with the whole ‘Stephanie’ thing because little brothers are made for teasing, but I never wanted to humiliate you publicly.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Michelle gave her little sister a hug. “Are we friends now?”

“I guess.”

“Well in that case, I have an idea. That plain white pearl nail polish they made you wear to be an angel is so boring! Would you like me to do them in a different color?” Stephanie agreed and picked out a color from the array of bottles on her sister’s vanity. Michelle smiled when she saw that it was close to the red she had on her fingers. She showed her little sister that when you had acrylic nails like theirs you needed to use an acetone-free nail polish remover.

Michelle continued the conversation as she painted her sister’s fingernails. “So that’s why I suggested the whole ‘girl’ thing when Mom and Dad were so pissed off at you for opening your presents early. So we could do stuff like this. Why did you do it anyway?”

Stephanie looked down. “To see if they’d been listening to what I asked for. So I’d know they cared. I don’t know really know why. It was kind of a stupid thing to do.”

“Kind of? It was very stupid. And it’s like night and day how well you’re behaving as a girl. If you’d only have put half as much effort into being Steven that you do to be Stephanie, this never would have happened.”

“But there’s really no comparison. Everything I do now I have to stop and think ‘how would a girl handle this?’ But when I go back to being me I don’t have to do that, because I already know how a boy would handle whatever.”

Michelle sighed. “You really don’t get it, do you? That’s the whole point. You’re selling Stephanie short. What you’re really asking yourself is ‘how would a mature, responsible girl handle this,’ and what Steven needs to learn is to ask himself ‘how would a mature, responsible boy handle this.’ And if he’d learn to take that moment to think before acting, he wouldn’t end up in messes like this, and pretty soon it could become second nature like the way you instinctively knew how to spread your fingers and blow on them to make the polish dry.”

Stephanie would have to let that percolate for a while, to see if maybe she agreed with her sister’s idea. It was also more than a little scary how easy this girl stuff was coming to her.

“You know, I think we’re going to have a lot of fun tomorrow at Bobby Perrone’s tea party.”

“First, when she’s a girl her name is Robin. Second, I didn’t think it was right for you to accept her invitation for me without giving me a chance to answer. I thought you were just being mean again.”

“I saw how sweet you were being with him, or her or whatever, and so I was sure you were going to accept. But I thought it would be a fun thing for us to do together as sisters. I’m sorry if I was too pushy.”

Stephanie just shrugged. Michelle had moved on to painting Stephanie’s toenails, so she couldn’t go anywhere. “I guess that’s okay, then.” When all her nails were finally dry, she gave her sister a big hug and felt closer to her than ever. This whole girl thing was totally changing the way she knew the world to be. She hoped that she’d get through the next week without too many more mind-blowing experiences.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Eleven-year-old Steven Brooks is being punished over his Christmas vacation by having to dress as a girl. In this installment, Stephanie learns about formal wear, breasts, and boys who wear dresses.

Episode 5

“Wake up, Little Sis!”

Steven was awakened by his sister gently shaking him and talking in his ear, or more correctly Stephanie was, since she realized she was still wearing a nightgown and panties. She blinked a couple of times while trying to remember how to wake up as a girl. “Michelle? Is something wrong? What’s happening?”

“We’ve got to get an early start. Go take your bath and I’ll pick you out something to wear.” She noticed that Michelle was already fully dressed kind of nicely in a soft purple dress that came down past her knees. Stephanie wondered why she was in such a hurry, but did as she was told.

The bath did feel really nice, and it was good to take off the tape that kept her boy parts in place; it had been on for two days straight and was getting very uncomfortable. She wanted to have a nice long, relaxing soak in the tub, but she didn’t want to risk her sister barging in and telling her to go faster. She just took as long as necessary to get everything clean.

When she finished and returned to her room in her bathrobe, Michelle was still waiting. Stephanie really didn’t like having to get dressed in front of her sister, but they were both supposed to be girls, so she couldn’t really complain. She had her dress in her new pink panties with the hearts on them, one of her white padded bras, a pair of tan pantyhose (which made her feel grown up and a little sexy), and a full slip. Then Michelle helped her put on a pale green dress that zipped up in the back, and had her slip into her Mary Janes.

Michelle did her little fishing line trick to take out Stephanie’s hoop earrings, which really were more comfortable to sleep in now that she thought about it. She put in the new pink dangly ones that Aunt Jeannie had made. Stephanie thought they looked cute in the mirror, but it took a while to get used to their rattling. Michelle clipped her new necklace behind her neck, and Stephanie put on her new watch. Her sister smiled approvingly when she grabbed her purse on the way out without being told to.

They got their coats and waved a quick goodbye to Mom, and hit the road in Michelle’s car. She finally explained where they were going. “There’s a place in Wallace that has wholesale formals, and hopefully we’ll be able to find dresses there.”

“We’re already wearing dresses. Why do we need more?”

“We’re expected at your little friend’s fancy tea party at 2:00. Knowing her mother, I’m guessing this is the kind of tea party you need to get really dressed up for. You have a bunch of dresses, but none of them are formal. In a pinch I could probably just wear my prom gown from last year, but it shows a little more skin that I’d be comfortable with at a preteen’s party, so it would be nice if we can find something for me, too.”

“Why do we have to go so far? There’s no place in town that sells pretty dresses?”

“Big department stores would only have formal dresses around prom season, and then probably not in your size. Our only other local option would be a little specialty shop, but they really don’t have any stock on hand. You’ll see when you get fitted for your bridesmaid dress; she’ll probably go to a bunch of different bridal shops until she’s satisfied, and then she’ll be picking out colors and styles. She might want you to come along to try something on before she picks it. Now that would just be a sample, not an actual dress. Once she picks a style and color, they’d order your dress and then wait a few weeks for it to come in. And when they have the dress, you’ll have to go back and try it on, and they’ll measure you for alterations, and when the alterations are done, you’ll have to go back.”

“Wow. How do you know all this? You were never in a wedding!”

“Gee thanks for reminding me that you get to be a bridesmaid before me, Little Sis. I’m not exactly sure where I learned about buying bridal wear. It’s just something girls pick up.”

“I thought I’d only have to be a bridesmaid for a couple hours at a wedding, but I have to go dress shopping three times?”

“Um, Honey, weddings are pretty much an all-day thing for the wedding party. You’ve got to get all dressed up somewhere, and then get to the ceremony early, and then stand in a receiving line until the last guest leaves, and then maybe go somewhere for pictures before the reception, and you’re expected to stay through the whole reception. And that’s just on the wedding day. There’s also going to be a rehearsal some time before the wedding, which usually comes with a rehearsal dinner, so that’s pretty much a whole evening. And as a bridesmaid, you can be expected to get invited to the bridal shower, which is usually a few hours on a weekend afternoon. You’re lucky you’re young enough that you’re probably exempt from the Bachelorette party. Danny mentioned something about the wedding party taking a ballroom dancing class, but I’m not sure if he was joking. “

“Oh my gosh. I didn’t realize. I thought I was just volunteering for a couple hours; that’s all Jack’s wedding was. Why didn’t anybody tell me before I said yes?”

“I’m sorry, Kiddo. I guess we thought you knew. It is a really nice thing you’re doing for Grace and Matt, so just keep that in mind.”

“So even after my contract is out, I’m going to have to be Stephanie at least six more times?”

“Looks like it. More if that dance thing is real.”

“Oh, crud.”

“Would that be so bad? It seems like you’re having fun being a girl.”

“It’s not too bad, but I’d rather be myself.”

“Well anyway, that’s how formal dresses usually work. But where we’re going today is a place that sells last year’s dresses at the price the little bridal shop would pay, so we save a bunch of money, but their selection is likely to be limited, particularly for stuff for girls your age, since I don’t think it’s pageant season. We’re going early in case we have to try somewhere else and still get back in time.”

Michelle surprised her by stopping along the way to drive through a Donut Barn to get some breakfast. She even bought Stephanie a cup of coffee. It made her feel very grown up, eating a bagel and drinking a coffee while sitting in a car wearing pantyhose, on her way to go clothes shopping without Mom. It was really pretty cool. When she finished her bagel, she flipped down the visor and fixed her lip gloss, then she turned the radio up and just grooved along with the music for a while.

Michelle just laughed and pretended to be shocked that she’d “created a monster.” She handed Stephanie the little piece of paper that had their directions on it. She’d never been to the place herself and just had some friends get their prom dresses there. She wanted to be able to check with Stephanie for their next turns so that they didn’t get lost. Stephanie liked having the responsibility. It was weird that this was the same sister she was so sure was out to get her only the day before.

They found the place without any wrong turns, and the girls shared a high five. Then Michelle showed her sister how to get in touch with her inner supermodel and do a fierce strut into the store.

They went looking for Stephanie’s dress first. Fortunately, there were indeed a couple rows in a section labeled “Teens and Tweens.” There was a moment of panic when neither of them knew her size, but then Michelle checked the tag on the dress Stephanie was wearing, and learned she was a size 8. But formal sizes are all over the place, so she looked for anything from 7 to 9. They weren’t in any kind of order, so they had to search through the whole rack.

Michelle took one rack and sent Stephanie to look through the other one. She told her to make sure it had the right kind of top — she needed one she could wear her bra under, so she had to avoid halters or spaghetti straps. It kind of creeped Michelle out how many sexy dresses there were in little girl sizes. She showed Stephanie the kind of bodice they were looking for, and that the frillier the dress, the better. They needed the kind of thing her little eight-year-old friend Robin (secretly a boy named Bobby) probably imagined that a lady at a fancy tea party would wear.

They found six potentials, and went to the changing room. The first one was blue and covered in shiny little sequins. It was too small, even though it was a 9. The second one was white and fit okay, but it had a very plain line to it. It looked classy, but not really fancy. Michelle said she thought it was a dress for an upscale flower girl. The third one was a bright red that almost perfectly matched her fingernails, but the big puffy shoulders were made of this netting stuff that really itched, and reminded Stephanie of the bag they sell onions in at the grocery store.

The fourth one also didn’t fit, which was a shame because it was a very pretty pink with tiny beads sewn in patterns all over. The fifth one looked incredible and fit very nice. It was white, and had rows of billowing ruffles. Michelle said that it was probably another flower girl, or maybe a communion dress. But she worried that a white dress might not work; you’re only supposed to wear white in the spring. She also thought it might make her look a little too much like a bride.

But the last one they tried was it! It was a pretty pink sleeveless dress with a big wide skirt that had layers of things under it to make it stick out like a real princess dress. There were patterns of white lace all over. Michelle pointed out that the color matched perfectly some of the beads in her jewelry. It was a little loose in the bust, but she said they could just stuff Stephanie’s bra a little more and the dress would fit better. Michelle thought it was probably a Quinceaá±era dress, made for celebrating a Mexican girl’s fifteenth birthday. A short Mexican girl, if it fit Stephanie so well. It was pretty cool thinking that she was wearing a dress designed for an older girl; it just added to the generally grown up feeling of the day.

Michelle thought they ought to look for some shoes for Stephanie, too. There was a shelf of “pageant shoes” not far from where they’d found her dress, and Michelle picked out a pair of sandals that were made of a see-through plastic that reminded her of Cinderella’s glass slippers. They had high heels, like a whole two inches or so, and felt kind of weird on Stephanie’s feet. But they made her feel like a real lady, so she’d get used to the weirdness.

With Stephanie settled, they next had to pick out a dress for her sister. Michelle thought it would be nice if her dress also matched her earrings from Aunt Jeannie, so they went looking at purple ones. She popped an earring out and handed it to her little sister, so they could split up and look on different racks. She told Stephanie that she usually took a size 7 in juniors’ or 8 in ladies’ sizes. The whole size thing was kind of confusing, so she had to explain that younger women used odd number sizes and older women used even number sizes, because their styles of clothing were different. But in formal gowns there wasn’t as much difference; a dress designed for a fancy grown lady might work for her.

She wanted Stephanie to come with her into the changing room to help zip her up as well as to give an opinion. Stephanie had to leave her dress and shoes with the attendant so no one else would buy them. It was kind of uncomfortable for her when Michelle stripped down to her underwear to try on dresses, and a major shock when she even took her bra off to try on a backless halter-style gown. Stephanie tried not to stare, but her sister’s chest really was pretty.

She ended up going with that halter dress. It was a shiny silky material, and had rows of ruffles around the skirt, which was just as puffy as Stephanie’s. Just to be matching, Michelle also got herself a pair of transparent pageant shoes, although her heels were a little higher. She also found a cute little handbag for each of them, pretty drawstring bags covered in glittery white rhinestones. Michelle didn’t even flinch when the cashier said they needed to pay more than a hundred dollars for all of it, and just handed over her credit card. Stephanie wished she’d be that cool when she was her sister’s age.

They got back in the car and headed home, but stopped on the way at the store to buy some makeup for Stephanie. Michelle said that she wanted to give her a really glamorous look for the fancy party, and it wouldn’t be safe to share hers so they needed to get all new stuff.

They got home with plenty of time to spare. There was going to be food at the tea party, so they only had a quick bite for lunch. Mom wanted to see what they’d bought, but Michelle made her wait until they got all dressed up. She went to her room and got these funny looking little football-shaped things for Stephanie to stuff her bra with. It was kind of weird seeing her reflection with what looked like real boobs, realer than with just her bra padding. Then she put on her new dress, and it really did look better with more on top.

Michelle wrapped a towel around her shoulders to keep makeup from getting on her pretty dress, and fastened it with a safety pin. She pulled Stephanie’s hair off her face with a headband, and then she started putting all of Stephanie’s new makeup on her face. She started by using this paint-like stuff all over to make her skin flawless. Then she drew around her eyes with a special pen, and then brushed heavy mascara on her eyelashes. Stephanie had to close her eyes while Michelle attacked her with a scary-looking eyelash curler.

Michelle used three different colors of eyeshadow on her, so she had to keep her eyes closed for a while, and they felt different when she opened them again. Michelle then dusted her cheeks with blush powder, and finished off by putting lipstick on her top lip and telling her to rub her lips together. Then she had to kiss a tissue to blot. After waiting a little, she then put some lipgloss on top of her lipstick. She sprinkled some sparkly glitter stuff all over and then unpinned the towel. A spray of cologne, and she was done. A look in the mirror showed a girl who was maybe thirteen, looking very sophisticated. She thanked her sister for making her so pretty.

Stephanie then got to watch her sister go through the same process. She had a special bra to wear under her halter, so at least she didn’t have to see her topless again for very long. She helped her sister fasten the towel and handed her things when she needed them. It was really fascinating watching her transform herself from just naturally cute to really glamorously beautiful.

They went downstairs and struck poses for Mom to take their pictures. She told them they both looked really pretty, and couldn’t get over how much older Stephanie seemed. Mom did have a couple pointers for her on how to walk and stand in her heels, and it really made her conscious of her boobs when she stood up straight. Even after practicing sitting down in the big puffy skirt, it still took a couple tries to get into the car.

She gave one last check of her makeup in the mirror before stepping out to walk up to Robin’s door. Stephanie rang the doorbell, and she could hear voices from inside the house. The door swung open, and there was her friend, in a white dress with little bows all over, a pretty hat with little flowers on it behind her head, and cute lace gloves on her hands.

Stephanie told Robin she looked very pretty, and Robin was just awestruck. Her mother, in a really nice frilly yellow dress, came up behind her and had to remind her to invite her guests in. Robin remembered she was trying to be the hostess, and showed the newcomers into the sunroom.

Michelle had a brief conversation with Mrs. Perrone. She told her that she had a lovely home, and said that she was glad she guessed correctly what a “Pretty Dress Tea Party” meant, but she apologized for forgetting to get hats and gloves for the proper tea party look. She asked that Michelle please call her Kendra, and said that the sisters looked perfectly lovely, and didn’t need any more accessories.

The other guests had already arrived. Nine-year-old Tina (who was secretly a boy named Justin) was wearing a pretty pink dress that wasn’t quite as fancy as Stephanie’s, but she got extra credit because her baby sister Rachel and her mother Kelly were wearing identical dresses. They all told each other how pretty they were, and blushes of appreciation circled the room.

Most of them wanted to say that Stephanie was the most beautiful, but she demurred and said that Robin was much prettier. The smile she got in return proved it. The mothers asked where they got their pretty dresses, and Michelle told the story of their morning’s adventure. Kendra asked for the address of the place, and she said she had it written down in the car, and asked to be reminded when they were leaving.

Robin and her mother got up to get the refreshments, and came back wheeling an antique tea cart into the room. Kendra poured tea from a beautiful old teapot into cups, and Robin passed them out. The younger girls took their tea with plenty of milk and sugar, but it was in fact real tea.

Robin also set out a couple of trays of little triangular sandwiches with the crust cut off. She explained that they’d researched tea parties but instead of something snooty like watercress or cucumber sandwiches, they’d made some with jam like one of the books did, but also some with both peanut butter and jam.

Stephanie said that was a very smart decision, and nibbled at a sandwich. It was actually pretty good, although it was tricky trying not to laugh at Robin taking big boyish bites of her sandwich while wearing lace gloves.

Tina pointed out that Rachel wasn’t allowed to go near peanut butter, and her mother wasn’t supposed to have any either, so she made sure the tray nearest her family only had jam sandwiches. Kelly said they were yummy even with just jam, and Stephanie couldn’t tell whether she was just trying to be nice.

I guess she realized that everyone else was eating, because Rachel made a noise that meant she was hungry. Without any embarrassment, Kelly just unbuttoned the top of her dress and brought out a breast for Rachel to suck on. Stephanie tried to be polite and not look.

Robin, however, was almost staring. She asked, “Does that hurt?”

Her mother tried to shush her, and whispered, “Honey! It’s not good manners to ask something like that.”

Kelly laughed. “No, that’s ok. She’s just curious. No, Robin, it doesn’t hurt. Maybe in a few months when she starts getting teeth it might pinch a little. It only gets uncomfortable if she keeps sucking after I’m out of milk, but she’s not that hungry usually.”

Robin was still fascinated. “That’s just, so cool. Is it milk just like milk from a cow is milk?”

“Well, yes and no. It isn’t quite as white as cow milk, and the taste is different.”

Tina chimed in. “Yeah, it’s kind of sweeter.”

It was Kendra’s turn to be shocked. “You’ve tasted it? You mean…”

Tina’s explanation calmed her down. “So that Daddy and I can help with the feeding, sometimes she uses this machine that pumps her milk into bottles. And I spilled once and tasted it. It was good.”

Robin sighed. “It’s too bad we’ll never be able to feed our babies like that.”

Michelle decided to join the conversation. “Don’t be so sure. Even boys have nipples. If a doctor gave you the right hormones, they could be made to give milk.”

Robin was interested. “Really? Boys can have boobs?”

“Well, hormones can make boys grow boobs, too. But I’m not sure if you have to have boobs before you can make milk.”

Tina looked confused. “Why would a boy want boobs?”

Michelle answered, “Well, sometimes a boy will realize that he’s really a girl inside, so when he’s old enough he can go to a doctor and get hormones and operations and things to make him look like a girl, and sometimes he’ll even go all the way and get the boy things in his underpants rearranged into girl things.”

Robin was getting excited. “They can do that? Really?”

“It’s not perfect. She may look exactly like a girl, but she still can’t grow a baby of her own inside. Science can’t make those parts yet.”

Robin was a little dejected. “So I could make milk for a baby, but I couldn’t be a mommy. That’s not fair.”

Tina looked at her friend. “Do you really want to be a girl for real real? This isn’t just a game?”

Robin shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

Michelle interrupted, “You know, sometimes a boy doesn’t feel like a girl inside, and knows he’s a boy but likes dressing up like a girl. There’s a student at my college who’s like that.”

Stephanie cocked her ear. “Is that what gave you the idea to dress me up?”

“No, I don’t know her that well. I hadn’t even thought about her until now.”

Robin looked over and asked, “Would you want to be a girl, Stephanie?”

She felt the weight of being a tie breaker, and tried to find a diplomatic answer. “Well, it’s fun wearing pretty dresses and glamorous makeup sometimes, but I don’t know whether being a girl all the time would be as fun. It’s like, would you really want to live at Disneyland and let the rides and characters be boring everyday things, or is it better to only have one week a year to look forward to? But it would probably be easier doing some things if you were an actual girl.”

Robin’s mother was really uncomfortable with where the discussion was going, and decided it was time to serve the cake. It was a really scrumptious four-layer chocolate cake with creamy fudge frosting. It did an excellent job of filling everyone’s mouths and changing the subject of the conversation to how delicious the dessert was.

Stephanie asked if it was from a bakery, and Kendra said she’d made it from scratch. Stephanie asked for the recipe, and Michelle explained that her little sister had discovered the joy of cooking for her family. Kelly talked about how Tina had been a godsend around the house ever since the baby was born, even before she was playing at being a girl. There was nothing that would keep a boy from cooking or cleaning.

Eventually, the party wound down and it was time to go. Michelle went to get the info for the formals store for Robin’s mother, and Stephanie said her goodbyes. She knelt down and gave Robin a little hug as they were leaving. “Tina and her little sister look really sweet together. And Michelle here has usually been pretty cool to her little sister. I think it would be really awesome to have a little sister of my own, so I’d like to know if you want the job. What do you think? Would you want to be my official little sister?”

Robin smiled broadly and squeezed tighter. “Really? That would be great!”

“Okay, then. It’s official. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can call me, for whatever. I’ll be there for you.” She gave her a kiss on the cheek and went out to the car with her other sister.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Steven peeked at his Christmas presents, so his family decided that his punishment should be to live as a girl until he had to go back to school. Stephanie has a date in four days, but before that she’s going to spend a day with her mom, try to stop a fight, and enjoy some retail therapy.

Episode 6

Thursday morning Stephanie woke up and liked that for the first time since becoming a girl there was no specific schedule for the day; no one would be telling her what to do or when to do it. She got out of bed, checked her hair in the mirror, and put on her robe and slippers.

Finding herself in a silly mood, she struck up a conversation with her new doll to help make up her mind. “So, Hannah, what should I do first — take a bath, or get some breakfast? If I take a bath first, then I’d have to get dressed, and I’m not sure what I’m going to do today, so maybe breakfast is the way to go. But then again, maybe they’ve got something planned for me after all. Good idea, I’ll go see if I’m supposed to be doing anything specific. Thanks, Hannah.”

She scampered off, giggling and bouncing, to see where everyone was. It turned out that her father had gone in to the office and her older sister Michelle was gone to catch up with friends she hadn’t seen since going away to college. Her mother was home, though. Stephanie found her in the kitchen. She was frowning over the newspaper and enjoying a cup of coffee. Stephanie asked if there was anything planned for her to be doing that day, and Mom said she hadn’t thought about it.

Stephanie helped herself to a bowl of cereal and over breakfast asked her mother if there was anything she could do to help her out around the house, since she hadn’t come up with any plans of her own for the day. Mom thought about it and decided that she could use Stephanie’s help with the laundry.

It was only when she took her bath that Stephanie realized that she hadn’t been thinking like Steven all morning, and it worried him. This girl stuff was becoming much too easy. At least it was more than half over.

She wasn’t sure what she’d need to wear to do housework. Mom’s advice was to find something casual and comfortable. Michelle usually wore sweats to do housework, but Stephanie’s wardrobe was all skirts and dresses, so she didn’t have anything that low-key. She settled on a pink top that was almost a t-shirt but had lace around the collar, a red pleated skirt, and knee socks.

Laundry was quite a chore. First, she had to empty each of the hampers from everyone’s room into a laundry basket and carry it down to the laundry room to make a big pile of dirty clothes. Then the big pile had to be sorted by color, and the delicates from the three females in the house had to be separated out. Then when the clothes came out of the washer, they needed to be sorted again based on how they’d get dried. Some things went in the dryer on hot, some went in on cool, and some things didn’t go in the dryer at all and needed to be laid out on a rack in the laundry room. When they came out of the dryer, some things got hung up right away and the rest got folded, but they all got sorted by who they belonged to. And finally, everything got delivered back to the right rooms.

While they were putting Stephanie’s clothes away, she asked her mother something that she’d been wondering about. “There’s so much in here. Why do I have more clothes that I’d need for my week and a half?”

“I wasn’t sure everything would fit, so I got you some things in different sizes. Also, I wanted you to have a real girl’s experience at putting an outfit together. If you only had exactly eleven ensembles, it wouldn’t be accurate. Actual girls sometimes go through several outfits in a day, so I wanted you to have that option as well. Plus you have to remember that I was very mad at you that day I first went shopping, so I wanted to overwhelm you with the girliest assortment ever.”

“What’s going to happen to all my girl clothes after I go back to being a boy?”

Her mother sighed. “Well, I’d been planning on keeping just a few things and hanging them in my closet in case you ever did something insanely stupid again, and donating the rest to charity. We could have used the tax deduction. But then you went and volunteered to be in your cousin’s wedding, so we’ll have to keep a good chunk of your wardrobe. We can’t have you showing up at your dance class in the same outfit all the time. So we’ll just have to find a way to squeeze both your Steven clothes and your Stephanie clothes into your dresser and closet.”

“That dance class thing is real?”

“Grace called while you were out yesterday. They want to wedding party to join them on the dance floor at the reception, and that means making sure everyone can dance. So her mother is paying for all of you to learn ballroom dancing. They want the video to be perfect. Since you’re her little brother’s dance partner, it would be tough to convince her mother to let you skip the class.”

“I don’t just have to take a class, but I also have to dance with a boy? Yuck!” Stephanie grimaced.

“Sweetheart, the whole reason why they needed you was to have a partner for her brother. I thought you realized what that meant. You’ll have plenty of time to get used to dancing with him enough so you won’t make that face at the wedding. Definitely not your best look.”

“Plenty of time? How long is this class, anyway?”

“It’s every other Wednesday night starting next week. They’ll come pick you up at 7:00, so you’ll have to be all prettied up by then. The course runs for ten sessions.”

“Ten sessions every other week? So for twenty weeks I’m going to be dancing with a boy? Oh, crud.”

“It’s not so bad. You might even like it. Your father rarely takes me dancing anymore, but when we do go out it’s a lot of fun.”

“If I have to be able to be a girl for twenty weeks, what are we going to do about my hair? And fingernails? And my earrings — if I take them out to be a boy again, will the holes close up, or can I put earrings back in when I want to be a girl?”

“Calm down. It’s not happening yet for a while. You’re still a girl full-time for another five days, so we have plenty of time to come up with a solution for those issues before they become urgent. The goal of your punishment was not to publicly humiliate you, so we’ll find a way to keep your double identity a secret. I promise.”

Stephanie wasn’t quite mollified, but all that laundry really wore her out, and took most of the morning. She just had to trust that her Mom would work it all out in the end. She got to do the vacuuming next, which was loud and annoying, but it gave a real sense of accomplishment to see the marks left by the machine on the clean carpet.

Her mother had lunch ready for her when she was done with all the carpets. They had chicken salad sandwiches and creamy broccoli soup. Stephanie exclaimed about how tiring it was doing housework, and Mom joked that she’d better marry a liberated guy who’ll chip in to do his share. That led to talking about the date Stephanie had made to go over to a boy’s house for New Year’s Eve. Stephanie was very worried that Brian would try to kiss her, and her mother told her that no boy could make her do something she didn’t want to do; if Brian tried to put a move on her she should tell him no in no uncertain terms and then she could call her and she’d come get her, no matter what time it was.

That seemed to cheer her up, so her mother tried to change the subject a little. She asked her how she liked going shopping for dresses with her sister the day before, and Stephanie said it had been fun. Mom then pointed out that she probably would need a new dress to wear to the party. The one she’d worn to the tea party was a little too fancy, and none of her others were quite fancy enough. They decided to make a day of it on Friday, and go out to find her something nice. Maybe Michelle would want to tag along for a real Girls’ Day Out.

After lunch, Stephanie was put to work dusting the living room and dining room, where a million little knickknacks were on display and all needed cleaning. Stephanie didn’t like dusting, and couldn’t understand what the whole point was; they were just going to get covered in dust again. Dusting was tough work, and it even made her sneeze a couple of times. But she got all the little ceramic children cleaned.

Just when she was ready to relax after all her chores, Mom told her there was one more job, and it was the worst; the bathrooms had to be scrubbed clean. It was gross and disgusting, and really made her appreciate all the stinky, messy jobs that her mother did around the house all the time. The couple of little chores Steven normally did to help out at home really weren’t much at all. Maybe when Steven came back, he’d try to do a little more.

Stephanie felt really grubby when she was done, and needed to change her clothes, even her underwear. Mom promised that the housework was done, so her new outfit was a light green blouse and a dark gray skirt over white ribbed tights, with a white button-up sweater to top it all off. Because she wanted to look nice, she used the glittery lip gloss and brown mascara that she’d gotten for Christmas, and put a drop of her cologne behind each ear. She even experimented with putting her new barrettes in her hair.

She wasn’t sure of her new look, and asked Mom for an opinion. She said Stephanie looked lovely. Stephanie asked if there was anything she could do to help out with dinner. Mom was pleased to see her newfound interest in cooking, and put her in an apron and told her to wash her hands. Dinner was this really complicated roast that got rolled up and tied with a string, and Stephanie got to help out at every step along the way, chopping vegetables, measuring herbs, and even got to put a finger on the knot when her mother tied up the meat.

When Michelle and Dad got home, they both commented on the delicious smells coming from the kitchen, and Mom told them how helpful Stephanie had been. Dad joked that some day she’d make some lucky guy an excellent wife, but Michelle told him he was being sexist and you didn’t have to have a vagina to do housework. Mom stepped in and told her not to talk vulgar at dinner time, and Michelle said that there was nothing vulgar about a perfectly natural body part, and then everyone was mad at everyone, and dinner was ruined. It still tasted very good, but everyone ate in silence.

Stephanie was glad that the argument wasn’t her fault, but it was still really uncomfortable. She cleared the table and tried to cheer her mother up but it wasn’t working. She went up to talk to her sister to try to fix things from the other side. She told Michelle that Mom had been looking forward to trying to have a Girls’ Day Out on Friday with just the three of them together, but with two of them fighting that probably wasn’t going to happen.

She asked if Michelle would apologize to Mom for her dinner conversation, and she said that there was nothing wrong with any of the words that she used, so she had nothing to apologize for. Stephanie told her, “You knew that Mom wouldn’t have wanted to hear that word, but you used it anyway.”

Michelle played innocent “What word?”

“You know the one. When you were talking about girl parts.”

“Which girl parts were we talking about? Could you remind me what word I used?”

Stephanie was blushing, and whispered the word softly. Michelle claimed not to have heard her, and made her repeat it louder. Stephanie still wasn’t loud enough. The third time, Michelle seemed satisfied, but gave Stephanie a lecture anyway about how the proper words for body parts were nothing to be ashamed of. Stephanie said that maybe they weren’t, but it still wasn’t the right time to bring the subject up. Michelle would only let the subject drop if Stephanie promised that she’d still help with the housework even when she grew back her penis.

Michelle agreed to say something to Mom. Stephanie went with her as a show of support. She said that she thought the plan for the three of them to do some female bonding was a good idea, and since she was only going to have a little sister for a few more days, she’d apologize for Stephanie’s sake.

Mom was more perceptive than Steven had ever noticed. Instead of staying mad at Michelle, she said that it wasn’t like her to pick a fight and asked her what was really bothering her. Michelle just collapsed in her mother’s arms and started crying tears of frustration. She hadn’t seen her boyfriend Kurt since she’d left college. She tried to call him on Christmas but it went straight to voicemail, and so had every call she’d tried since. He still hadn’t called her back.

Mom just held her for a while. Then she set in trying to solve the problem. She asked if the number Michelle was trying was a cell phone or a real phone, and after a little bit of discussion over what made one phone more real than another, she admitted that it was a cell. Mom suggested that maybe he’d just forgotten his phone or battery charger at school. Being away from his phone might not be as devastating for a guy as for a girl.

Michelle was brightening a little, but she wanted to know why he didn’t just call her from a land line. Mom thought that maybe he didn’t know her number; if he always called her from his phone he’d never need to actually dial the number. Michelle said that she knew for a fact that she was number one on his speed dial, so that could be true.

Mom told her she could call information and get the phone number for his parents’ house. Michelle pouted and wanted to know why he couldn’t have done the same to get their number, but Mom reminded her that they were unlisted. Dad had gotten harassing calls from a disgruntled client once. Michelle looked through her things for the paper with Kurt’s parents’ address on it, and then called 411 from the phone in the family room.

It was hard to follow only half the conversation, but it didn’t sound like she was talking to her boyfriend. Stephanie asked her mother how she knew that there was something bothering Michelle. Mom said that she’d always had a way of easily reading her emotional state, an ability she’d never been able to master with her son (or her other daughter for that matter). Stephanie was always very emotionally guarded.

After Michelle got off the line, she was all smiles and hugged her little sister and her mother and even tracked down her father and said she was sorry for using words he didn’t want to hear. Mom and Stephanie calmed her down enough to find out what happened.

Kurt wasn’t home, but she’d talked to his father. When she gave her name, he knew who she was. Kurt had even showed his Dad her picture! He told her his son was an idiot and forgot his phone at school, only realizing it when he wanted to call her on Christmas Eve. Apparently, he’d been moping around ever since, when finally they made his brother take him out to watch a hockey game. Michelle had given him both the house phone number and her cell, and he promised to tell his moronic son to call her when he got in.

She danced around the living room for a while, and was even in a good enough mood that she accepted when Mom suggested the family gather around the table for a game of cards. They played gin and Stephanie almost won, but Dad pulled ahead on the last hand. The second game got called short when Michelle’s cute little ringtone went off.

Stephanie was getting tired anyway; her day of housework had really worn her out. She put on her favorite flannel nightgown and brushed her hair, and on a whim brushed the hair of Hannah, her doll, too. Then she slipped in between her nice clean sheets to drift off to sleep, hoping she’d have sweet dreams instead of scary ones.

The next day, Stephanie’s mother dressed her in her white padded bra, panties, shiny tights, and slip, under a nice pink dress with a sash that tied in the back. She wore the jewelry her aunt Jeannie had made and her watch, and pulled her hair back with a pink plastic headband. She felt cute, and used her favorite strawberry lip gloss and a dab of perfume on her wrists and behind each ear.

Mom was a little more dressed up than usual, in a nice dress with blue flowers printed on it that she sometimes wore on Sundays, but with redder lipstick than she had in church. Michelle wore a short black skirt and a blue tank top under a pretty black jacket. The three Brooks ladies looking their finest piled into Mom’s car and went downtown to the mall.

Stephanie enjoyed walking through the stores knowing that she looked pretty and completely girlish. It was even fun going from store to store trying on dresses that her mother picked out, looking for the perfect one to wear to Brian Somers’ New Year’s Eve party.

They found it in the fifth store they tried. It was navy blue with white lace along the collar and the hem, and had what Mom called a “boat neck,” where it was wide at the top, almost all the way to her bra straps, but went straight across so it didn’t reveal anything. Michelle teased that Mom had picked it to so that Brian couldn’t try to look down her dress to peek at her boobs. Stephanie said that was a good thing, since she didn’t want him to be disappointed.

Mom insisted that she also needed new shoes to go with the dress, and took her to a few different shoe stores. She actually had Stephanie trying on grownup woman shoes, not girl shoes. They ended up getting a nice pair of navy blue pumps, with a heel that was almost two inches, but it was square instead of small and pointy like the shoes Michelle was trying on, since they were there. If she was going to have navy shoes, apparently she also needed a navy handbag, which meant going to another store. Shopping for an outfit as a girl was very complicated.

Michelle suggested that Stephanie should get some new jewelry, and Mom agreed. They picked out a pair of silver earrings that had sparkly chains dangling from rings hanging on hooks, and then found a necklace and bracelet in that same style of chain. Stephanie thought that she could have just worn the stuff she already had, but Mom said that her little girl would only get to have one first date, and she wanted it to be super-special.

It was kind of weird thinking about going on her first date ever, with a boy. Steven should have been screaming inside that he didn’t want to go out with another boy, but Stephanie was more nervous than anything else. She hoped Brian would think she looked nice.

They loaded all their purchases back into the car and then went to get some Chinese for lunch. The two sisters had to use the ladies’ room before eating, and it felt surprisingly natural. Stephanie worried that maybe this whole thing had gone a little too far when she realized that she hadn’t had a thought in days about the Nintendo Wii that would be the reward for all this.

After lunch, they thought about trying to catch a movie, but there wasn’t anything playing they could all agree on. So they went home and watched Mom’s favorite DVD, The Notebook. Michelle thought it was a cheesy movie, but she sat there sharing a big bowl of popcorn with her little sister and cried a little anyway. Stephanie thought it was a good movie, but she wasn’t sure why her mother liked to watch such a sad movie over and over again.

The girls let their mother have a break, and got dinner together by themselves. It was simple spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread and a tossed salad, so they didn’t need any extra instruction. Mom peeked in on them having fun working together; it was hard to imagine that they used to get along so horridly.

Dad proclaimed the meatballs to be the best he ever had, and said that he was glad to see everyone smiling and laughing, instead of the tension of the day before. He asked the ladies how their day went, and they talked about all the shopping and female bonding they’d done. It even prompted Stephanie to give a little fashion show after dinner, to show off her new outfit. Dad said he wasn’t sure a pretty girl like her could be trusted around some boy, but she just blushed and giggled.

She did some drawing in Steven’s sketchbook before turning in, just to calm her head. The random scribbled doodle she thought she was making ended up having a lot more little pink heart shapes in it than she expected. She wondered if she really was expected to kiss Brian on New Year’s, and worried that she might not be good at it. Was it wrong to think about stuff like that?

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Eleven-year-old Steven Brooks has spent one full week living as a girl. So far, Stephanie has been enjoying wearing pretty clothes and experiencing life from the other side to its fullest. In this installment, Stephanie sees some of the darker side of being a boy in frills and dresses. Not everyone understands. (There’s also some religion in here, but please don’t think I’m trying to tell you what to believe; I’m just trying to describe what some of the people in Stephanie’s church believe.)

Episode 7

Steven only had four days left, and then everything would be back to normal (well, except for the sixteen or so times he’d have to be a girl again over the course of the next six months, to prepare for being a bridesmaid in his cousin’s wedding) and he’d finally be getting his Nintendo Wii. But until then, he’s still Stephanie, and what’s on Stephanie’s mind the most right now is that in two days, she’s got a date.

Saturday morning, she played around on the computer for a while. She was trying to make sure whether the whole New Year’s Eve kiss thing was real or not. She’d been worrying about this tradition ever since her big sister Michelle had told her about it. Her searching showed that it truly was an actual tradition. Now the only question was whether Brian Somers, the boy who’d invited her to his house for New Year’s, was a follower of that tradition or not. Stephanie wasn’t quite sure if she wanted him to be.

Her mood shifted when she got a phone call just before lunch. Mom wasn’t sure who was on the line, that it was some little kid who’d asked for Stephanie. She picked up the handset from the cordless phone in the living room and very cautiously spoke into it, “Hello?”

The voice on the other end sniffled a little. “Hello, Stephanie?”

She thought she recognized the voice of her eight-year-old friend. “Robin, is that you? Is something wrong?”

Her guess had been correct, but not exactly. “Robin had to go away. It’s just Bobby now.”

“Oh, no! What happened, Sweetie?”

“Mommy had gotten her old Barbies from Nana’s house, and we were playing with them. And Daddy came in and he was all mad. He yelled that Mommy was only supposed to be making me dress like a girl until Christmas, but she’d stretched it out. I tried to say that she wasn’t making me do it — I liked my pretty dresses. But he didn’t listen.” Bobby dissolved into sobs.

“Go on. What happened next?”

“I told Daddy about the stuff your sister had said, about the doctors who can make boys into ladies when they grow up, and that I wanted to be a girl all the time. He started yelling at Mommy in the other room using words I’m not allowed to say. Then he brought me to the bathroom and made me take my clothes off. When he saw the piece of tape he got really ticked off and yelled some more at Mommy, and he made her leave the room. Then he put me in the bathtub and scrubbed so hard it hurt, with the manly sandpaper soap he uses when he gets greasy working on the car. He washed off all my pretty perfume and makeup, and took the curls out of my hair.”

“Oh, that sounds horrible! Are you still sore anywhere?”

“He hurt my ears a little when he took out my star earrings. He dressed me in boy clothes and took me to his barber. They cut off all my hair! It’s shorter than it ever was before. I’ll never look pretty again!”

“You’ll always be pretty on the inside, where it matters most.”

“Thank you. You’re beautiful on both the inside and the outside. I don’t know if I’m allowed to feel real pretty anymore. When we got back from the barber’s, all my girl clothes were gone. Mommy locked them in a trunk in the basement. Daddy was mad that she hadn’t thrown them out like he said to, but she gave him the key and said that maybe I’d get a girl cousin or something who’d want some nice things, so she kept them. Later she whispered to me that maybe we could play dress-up again in a few months when Daddy cools off, but that’s way too long!”

“That sounds really crummy, but at least she’s not making you give it up completely. Maybe you could ask her to get you a wig, so your short hair won’t be a problem when you’re finally allowed back in dresses.”

“A few months sure feels like forever. Besides, Mommy thinks she understands, but she doesn’t. I don’t want to ‘play dress-up.’ I just want to be me, and me isn’t Bobby anymore; me is Robin.”

“Are you sure? You were only Robin for a couple weeks.”

“I’m sure. It’s hard to explain, but it’s just something you know. You get it, right? Isn’t your you Stephanie now?”

Stephanie really wasn’t sure who she was anymore, but didn’t want to lose her friend’s confidence, so she told a half-truth. “Yeah. I think so. It really sucks that your parents can tell you what to do, but that’s what it means to be a kid. They can keep you from being Robin on the outside, but they can’t keep you from being Robin on the inside. Whatever you’re wearing, you’ll know who you are. And you’ll always be my Official Little Sister, even when we both look like boys and have to be secret girls. I go back to being Steven on Wednesday, so we’ll be in the same boat.”

“Thanks, Stephanie. You’re the best Big Sister a secret girl could have! I love you.”

“Same back at you, Robin. Are you going to be okay?”

“I think so. Bye-bye!”

“Whenever you need someone to listen, I’ll be here. See you later!” Stephanie hung up the phone and felt even more confused than usual. She went to her room and wept for a while about the unfairness that Robin had to deal with. She’d thought her parents were hard to live with, but that poor kid had it so much worse!

Michelle was on her own phone with her boyfriend for most of the afternoon, but when she got done Stephanie asked for her help. She figured it was time to try a new color nail polish on her fingers and toes. The red was a little too intense for her, so her sister suggested trying a pink. She made Stephanie remove her old polish by herself, which wasn’t too bad, but then she had her try doing her own toes and they came out so sloppy she had to take it all off and try again. Michelle still wouldn’t do it for her, but slowly guided her through the process. She did Stephanie’s right hand for her, but made her do the left hand herself. She went very slowly and did a fairly decent job all things considered. It seems that the trick was accepting that it would take too coats, so you don’t want to load too much paint on the brush.

While they were doing nails, Stephanie asked Michelle about her boyfriend Kurt: how they met, what he looked like, was he a good kisser, and stuff like that. Michelle showed her a picture of him on her phone, and she thought he did look kind of cute. He had a little beard around his mouth, which made her ask whether it felt weird kissing him. It was different, but you got used to it. Stephanie really liked spending time with her sister learning about girl stuff. She actually thought she might miss her when she went back to college this time. She hung out in her room for a while even after her nails were dry, and got nice and cozy on the couch with her when they watched some TV before bedtime.

Stephanie got up early Sunday morning. She wanted extra time to make sure she was dressed up appropriately for church, and maybe a little because she wanted to be at her prettiest so that Brian wouldn’t decide to change his mind and invite someone else to his New Year’s celebration instead. She wore a frilly pale pink blouse, a khaki skirt, and black tights. The pink jewelry set that her aunt had made went well with the outfit. She pulled her hair back with a headband and put a little of her brown mascara on her eyelashes, and her favorite soft pink lip gloss. Her purse matched her shiny black shoes.

She was kind of nervous going to church, and didn’t quite understand why. She shouldn’t be getting excited about seeing a cute boy; she was really a boy herself. This whole girl thing was very confusing. But there was a light at the end of the tunnel. It was only three days more. Wednesday morning, Steven would get to be a boy again. Stephanie wondered if it would be weird to see Brian again when she was a boy.

On Wednesday night she’d have to be a girl again and would go learn ballroom dancing. Her dance partner would be Grace’s little brother. Grace was a beautiful angel; maybe that would mean Christopher would be even cuter than Brian. And Christopher would never know about Steven, unlike Brian. So he might be even more fun. And she was pretty sure that there were no traditions about members of a wedding party having to kiss each other, so he wouldn’t be as scary as Brian, either.

Stephanie was ready early enough that she got some breakfast ready for everyone. A week of helping her mother had taught her a lot about cooking. She made pancakes and bacon and scrambled eggs for everyone, with a fresh pitcher of reconstituted orange juice and a pot of hot coffee ready for the grownups. Her mother thanked her for helping out and told her she looked very nice. Michelle even had to go back and change so she wouldn’t feel underdressed next to her sister.

Stephanie’s appearance at Sunday School brought mixed reactions. Most of them had been in the Christmas pageant and knew about Steven’s punishment, but a lot of the boys still stared. Some of the girls were supportive, though.

Stephanie made sure to find Bobby before the kids all scattered to their separate classrooms. His hair had indeed been sheared off into a severe crewcut. He was wearing a blue shirt and blue dress pants, and his face was turned down in a perfect portrait of sadness. He brightened up a little at the sight of Stephanie, and she crouched down and gave him a tight hug. She fought back a couple tears and whispered in his ear, “Hang in there, Robin.” She looked at a picture of Jesus on the wall and asked him in her heart to help Robin’s father to see what he was doing to her.

She let go and stood back up, and Bobby trotted off to his class. Stephanie had to take a tissue out of her purse and blot her eyes a little. She saw some brown on the paper and realized she was messing her mascara, so she ducked into the ladies’ room to check her makeup. It did look a little messed up in the mirror, so she wiped her eyes and took her mascara from her purse to fix her eyelashes.

While she was standing at the mirror with her mascara wand in her hand, the door opened and Mrs. Kendall, the boss of the Sunday School, came into the restroom. She had to turn and look at her twice. “Should you be in here?”

Stephanie blushed. “Sorry. I just had to fix my face, and thought this would be the best room for it. I can leave if you need me to.”

Mrs. Kendall got a weird expression on her face. “I suppose looking like you do you’d be even more out of place in the men’s room. And it’s not like the stalls don’t have doors. Just finish quickly and get to class before it starts. Remember, Dear, this is a church not a nightclub. Don’t use too much of that.” She passed Stephanie and went into a stall.

She went lightly with the wand and checked the mirror to make sure she didn’t look too trampy, although she wasn’t really sure what that meant exactly. She hurried off to class.

Her Sunday School class had the chairs arranged in a semi-circle, and she was the last one to show up. The girls tended to sit on one side and the boys on the other, not because they were told to but they just sort of naturally grouped themselves that way. Usually Steven sat on the end kind of off by himself, but the only empty chair was between a couple of girls, Debbie Washington and Elizabeth Patterson.

Debbie was a pretty African-American girl with cocoa-brown skin and nice wavy hair and green eyes that might even be natural, since her mother was a blue-eyed blonde. She wore a long yellow dress made of some kind of soft material. She patted the empty chair and said, “Sit here, Stephanie. I saved you a seat.” She had a nice smile.

Stephanie felt like everyone was staring at her as she walked across the room to the empty seat. She tried to make eye contact with Elizabeth, but she just kind of shrugged. She was dressed in a button-up shirt and dress pants, and with her short hair she almost looked like a boy. Stephanie wasn’t sure why any real girl would ever want to look like a boring boy when she could be pretty. Elizabeth didn’t wear any makeup, not even nail polish. Maybe her parents were really strict. It was a shame, really.

The class leader Mr. Walters called them all to order and started the lesson. He made Stephanie stand up and explain her punishment so the couple of kids that weren’t in the pageant knew what was going on with Steven. Mr. Walters then used Stephanie’s story as the focus of the lesson.

He had Patrick Thatcher, a tubby boy who had been teasing Stephanie the most, open his Bible and read Deuteronomy 22:5 to the class. Patrick read, “A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this.” He had a big smirk on his face after reading this.

Stephanie was getting really worried. She didn’t want to get thrown out of church for being sinful. But then Mr. Walters turned out to be a good guy. He explained that this part of the Bible was rules for being Jewish, and that as Christians they didn’t have to obey any of those rules. He asked for a show of hands for everyone that had bacon or ham or sausage for breakfast, and almost everyone raised their hands. He pointed out how everyone knows that Jewish people can’t eat pigs, but Christians do. They get to pick which of those old rules to follow.

He told Patrick to read a piece from the previous chapter where it said that a son who was rebellious and didn’t obey his parents was to be stoned to death. He then got the group into a discussion where they were to pretend that they really did have to follow all those old Jewish laws. Now if Steven’s mother told him to wear a dress, should he put it on and break the law against men dressing as women, or should he not wear it and get put to death for not obeying his mother?

It was a tricky puzzle, and most of the kids said to wear the dress, since it’s better to stay alive. But being detested by God could be just as bad. Stephanie finally spoke up and said that the passage said that a man wasn’t supposed to dress like a woman, but it didn’t say that applied to kids, too. From what he knew about Jewish law, a boy would have to have a bar mitzvah to become a man, and since he hadn’t had one, he hadn’t broken any Jewish laws.

Mr. Walters was impressed by Stephanie’s ability to weasel out under the specific wording, and chalked it down to her father being a lawyer. She didn’t know about that, but she did mention that the contract she had to sign to agree to be a girl until school started was written up in very tight language, and she hadn’t found any loopholes yet. Mr. Walters said that weaseling out of God’s rules isn’t really the way to go about avoiding sin, but fortunately those particular laws didn’t apply to modern Christianity.

The discussion then went into which Jewish laws Christians do accept as useful, and Mr. Walters got into the meat of the lesson. The class went through The Ten Commandments, and pretty much agreed that they were a good basis for morality. He said that a lot of Christians like to try to keep them, but you didn’t have to. He turned to the New Testament, where Jesus kind of threw away the old rules. He read from the book of Matthew where the whole thing got boiled down to two commandments: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind,” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Stephanie found that very refreshing. It was good to know that she wasn’t doing anything sinful by becoming a girl. But since her cross-dressing started for the Christmas pageant and she accepted her date with Brian during the coffee hour after service, and she was going to have to continue through to Matt and Grace’s wedding, it seemed like a lot of what was making her be a girl was related to one church or another. So maybe there was a plan behind it all.

After church, as people were gathering for refreshments in the Fellowship Hall, Brian found her and brought her some punch again. He told her she looked cute, and she tried to look away and just kind of peeked at him through the corner of her eye. He told her he was looking forward to having her over at his house the next day. She tried to pretend that she’d completely forgotten about his invitation, but it didn’t work. He pointed at their two mothers chatting across the room, nonchalantly reaching his arm around behind her. Stephanie wanted to kind of lean against his arm, but he removed it too quickly.

But then Pastor Moore came over to the mothers and was pointing in their direction. They couldn’t tell what he was saying, but he seemed to be angry at something. Mom walked over and told Stephanie they were leaving. She gave Stephanie the keys and told her to go wait in the car while she found Dad and Michelle. Stephanie told Brian she’d see him the next day and walked out, confused.

Mom was still mad when she got in the car. Dad needed to know what was wrong, so when she was calm enough to make actual words she explained, “The Reverend saw me and Lynda talking and said that he’d heard from the grapevine that our boys were going on a date. (It’s not a date; it’s just a party and what business of his is it anyway? But that’s beside the point.) He pointed over at Stephanie and Brian flirting, like it would prove his point. He said that he felt that it was necessary for him to come over and remind us that homosexuality was a sin against God and Nature, and we needed to put an end to it right away! He got me so pissed off for getting into my family’s affairs, not his that I just had to get out of there right away.”

Class had been so uplifting, but don’t ministers outrank Sunday School teachers? Maybe what Stephanie was doing was wrong after all. She was very confused. “Does this mean I can’t go to Brian’s for New Years’ Eve?”

“Don’t worry about it, Honey. You’re going. I’m pretty sure that Brian’s mother was just as annoyed with the pastor. She even let him know that your so-called ‘date’ was even a sleepover. I may have gone a little overboard when I left, though.” Mom mumbled the end of her sentence.

Dad was concerned. “What did you do?”

“I sort of excused myself by saying we had to hurry before the stores close to get Stephanie some K-Y for tomorrow.” Mom seemed really embarrassed.

Michelle hollered, “Way to go Mom! That’s how you stick it to The Man, so to speak.”

Stephanie was still confused. “I don’t get it. What does that mean?”

Michelle said, “I’ll tell you later, Sis.”

Mom corrected her, “You’d better not. Stephanie, I was implying that you and Brian would be engaging in sexual activity at his party. I know very well that you won’t be, but I was trying to goad Pastor Moore. It was wrong of me, and I shouldn’t have. I’ll wait a couple days and apologize to him.”

Stephanie nodded. “Okay. Is the party really a sleepover, or was that pretend, too?”

“It’s really a sleepover. We’ll pack you a bag with a nightgown and a change of clothes for the next day, and send you over with a sleeping bag. That way if you fall asleep before midnight it’s not a problem, and we won’t have to worry about driving to get you late at night.”

After lunch, Stephanie borrowed one of her sister’s Babysitters’ Club books to kill the afternoon, but her Mom interrupted her reading. She was carrying a pair of Steven’s jeans and a short-sleeved shirt. “The other day you were worrying about how we were going to make you look like a boy for school on Wednesday morning and still be able to become a girl again in the evening for your dance class. There are a couple of experiments I want to try. Put these on and meet me in my room.”

When Mom left, Stephanie looked at the clothes she’d been handed. She hadn’t brought any underwear, so Stephanie would be wearing panties under boy clothes, but that was sort of a good thing. She didn’t want to break her promise, so she had to stay Stephanie for a few more days. She kept her panties and training bra on, so she still wouldn’t be returning to Steven, she’d be Stephanie dressing up as a boy. On one hand it was very confusing, but on the other it made a lot of sense. She went into her mother’s room and did a girlish twirl to show off her “tomboy” outfit.

Mom outlined her plan. “There are some things I’m not going to do today so that you can still be your prettiest for your date on Monday, but I’ll tell you the solutions. First, we’ll have to take your fingernail extensions off, but we can still keep your real nails well-groomed. Many girls your age keep their nails short. They’ll look girlish enough if we paint them. And you’ll have plenty of time to put on fresh nail polish before each of your dance classes, and we can remove it when you get home. Do you follow so far?”

Stephanie nodded. “I think so. I’ll be sad to lose my nice long glamorous nails, but it’s understandable.”

“We can get tips put back on them for when you’re in Matt and Grace’s wedding. We’ve got a couple weeks between the end of your school and the wedding, which should be plenty of time you get you a manicure.”

“That makes sense.” Stephanie really liked Grace and wanted to do her best to be a good junior bridesmaid.

“The other thing I’m going to ignore right now is your earrings. There are two ways we can deal with this. The first option is that we can just take them out and let your holes heal up; we’ll get you some clip-on earrings you can wear to dance class, and we’ll get your ears pierced again before the wedding.”

“Would clip-ons fall off if I danced too hard? I’m not sure I like that option. What’s the other one?”

“They make little transparent plastic things to put in your piercings to keep them open, for like when any of those ridiculous punks wants to have a real job. We can get you a pair of those for your ears, and then we’d just swap them for your regular earrings on dance class nights.”

“I think I’d like to try that. If those little things aren’t too expensive, can we get some and see how invisible they really are, and if they show we can go with the other thing?”

“I don’t think they’ll cost too much. I saw some online, but I think I’ll send Michelle to one of those scary places where those ridiculous punks get metal stuck in them. I just hope she doesn’t come back with more holes than she leaves with.”

“Okay. What else will you do to make me look like a boy?”

Stephanie’s mom shook her head at the way that question was phrased, but didn’t want to call attention to it. “Well those were the only too areas we won’t touch right now. But there are a couple of other things we can do. First, go wash your face. I should have told you before, but I hadn’t realized you were wearing lip gloss.”

Stephanie liked feeling pretty and didn’t really want to take off what little makeup she was allowed, but she washed her face anyway. She still saw “girl” when she looked in the mirror. Even though the bra under her shirt wasn’t padded, she still felt it there and thought she could see its contours through her shirt.

When she returned to her mother, Mom squeezed some stuff out of a little tube into her hands and rubbed them together. Then she ran her hands through Stephanie’s hair, pushing everything back. The gel held Stephanie’s hair in place, leaving a slicked-back style. It wasn’t a way Steven had ever worn his hair before, but it looked relatively boyish. Mom pointed her at a mirror and asked, “What do you think? Will that hairstyle work?”

Stephanie thought it might. Nobody really noticed Steven much at school, so he could probably get away with it. “It should be believable. I almost look like a real boy.”

Mom laughed, hoping Stephanie was joking. She ran her sticky finger across Stephanie’s eyebrows, and then took a little comb and brushed them backwards so they got bushier. It did really help sell the image as “boy.” They then went downstairs to show her father and sister. Stephanie had to put her hands in her pockets to hide her painted fingernails. The general verdict was that she looked enough like a boy to not get picked on at school.

Mom explained the rest of the plan. “So, on days you have dance class, you’ll come home and take a shower right away to wash the product out of your hair, conditioning and blow-drying to give it more body, then you can put on a dress and we’ll paint your nails before dinner. They’d be plenty dry by the time they come to get you. I think it will work. You can lead your double life without anyone catching on, just like Batman.”

Stephanie wasn’t really sure why Mom felt the need to bring up Batman again, but nodded anyway. She didn’t want to be a half-boy / half-girl for too long, so as soon as Mom said she could, she went up to wash her hair and then change back into pretty girl clothes. It helped steady her to get back in lip gloss and cologne.

Those Wednesday night dance classes would be rough days having to change back and forth twice in one day. Maybe she’d just end up going to bed a girl on dance class nights and turning into a boy in the morning. She thought that her nightgowns were more comfortable than her old boy pajamas anyway. Would it be weird to wear one every night, even on nights without dance class when she was a boy all day?

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Steven snuck a peek at his Christmas presents and as punishment was forced to spend his vacation living and dressing as a girl. Stephanie’s handled things ok so far, but with only two days left the scariest part is coming up: she has a date with a boy to his family’s New Year’s Eve party. What will she do if he wants to kiss her? Find out in this extra-large installment. (My way of making it up to the readers I April Fooled)

Episode 8

Stephanie had a weird dream where it felt like she was a completely different person. She couldn’t remember it exactly, but it did wake her up early. Today, and then tomorrow, and then the deal would be over and Steven could wear his own clothes and be himself again. Being a girl wasn’t so bad, really. But it wasn’t really normal. Stephanie wasn’t real, and Steven would have to be some kind of weirdo to want to be her more than he had to.

At least there would be all those dance classes and other things associated with being a part of Grace and Matt’s wedding where Stephanie would have to reappear, so she wouldn’t be going away forever. She wouldn’t have to worry about giving up all her pretty things until some time in June after the wedding. That would be rough, but it wasn’t something anyone needed to think about yet.

Stephanie stopped worrying about the far future and focused on worrying about the near future. She’d being going to Brian Somers’ house that night, for a New Year’s Eve party, and a sleepover, and he might be expecting her to kiss him at midnight, because that’s what couples do on New Year’s, and Brian said it was kind of a date. Stephanie really didn’t know what to do on a date, and the kissing part scared her tremendously — what if she wasn’t any good at it?

She asked her doll Hannah for advice, but she didn’t have any. The house was still pretty quiet, so she probably couldn’t go ask her Mom or her big sister Michelle about what to do on a girl’s first date with a boy. She pursed her lips at the mirror over her bureau to see if it looked like she was making the right kind of kissing face. She wasn’t sure; in the movies they always close their eyes, so she had to squint and peek to get the proper effect.

She was going to have to take a bath later, before getting ready for the party, so she just went across the hall to the bathroom to brush her teeth, change the tape that held her boy parts out of the way, and relieve her nervous bladder.

She took off her nightgown and dressed in a matching training bra and panty set she’d gotten for Christmas, and then stood by her closet to pick out something to wear. There were a bunch of clothes she hadn’t gotten a chance to wear yet, so she tried on a number of things before settling on an outfit to relax in until it was time to get dolled up in her new party dress.

She ended up wearing a matching light purple top and skirt in a soft knit material that kind of looked like a dress even though it was in two pieces. She wore a camisole and half-slip set under it, and pink tights with her black Mary Janes. She brushed her hair and pulled it back with a pair of barrettes. She kept her little hoop earrings that she wore for sleeping in place, and added her watch and a chain necklace. A little cologne behind her ears, a little lip gloss, and she was ready to face the day.

Her stomach was still dancing so she wasn’t very hungry. She went down to the kitchen and poured a small bowl of Rice Krispies. She was still eating her breakfast when her father came to grab a bite for himself. He was all dressed up in a suit and tie. “Good morning, Daddy! You look very nice. Are they making you go to work today?”

“Oh hi, Sweetheart. I didn’t expect to see anyone else up this early. You’re looking very cute yourself.” He started up the coffee maker and popped some bread in the toaster. “I have to go into the office this morning, but I should be home just after lunch. I had to call in some favors to get a judge to see us this morning, but Mrs. Clayton really wanted to greet the new year as a single woman.”

“Is it sad having to deal with all those marriages that didn’t work?”

“Sometimes, but people are human and make mistakes. And sometimes those mistakes are marriages made for the wrong reasons. Where I come in is helping people figure out how to divide all the things they collected together. And like Mrs. Clayton, I get to see them starting off on new lives, which can be exciting for them, occasionally.” The toaster popped and he spread some jam on it. “But don’t you worry about it, Honey. I’m sure when you fall in love it will be happily ever after for you and your husband.” He took a bite out of his toast. “Oh, wait! For you and your wife, I mean. You look so natural there; I’m forgetting who you really are.” The coffeepot beeped and he filled his travel mug. “I’ve got to go. I’ll see you later.” He gave her a pat on the head and a kiss on the cheek and left for work.

She finished her cereal and tried to picture herself with either a husband or a wife. It seemed too far into the future to clearly envision. But thoughts of weddings reminded her that she’d have to go to ballroom dancing class in two days. She tried to imagine what Grace’s younger brother would look like. She was absolutely beautiful, so maybe he was just as good looking. In a way, she not only had a date with Brian, but also a series of dates with Christopher to look forward to. It made her very scared, but also excited in a good way. It was like a sign of growing up. Little kids didn’t have dates.

But of course, Stephanie wasn’t a little kid. In only seventeen days, she’d be turning twelve. Or at least Steven would. Since all her Christmas presents had been for a girl, maybe the ones they were going to give Steven would become birthday presents. Except the Nintendo, that is. The contract stated that Steven would get his Wii as soon as school started up again, as long as Stephanie was a good girl until then.

And that was only two days away. School would start, Steven would be a boy again in the morning and then Stephanie would go to dance class in the evening. So wait a second — Steven would be getting his Wii on the same day that Stephanie was starting dance class. He wouldn’t have any time to play with it! That wasn’t fair. He’d have to wait until Thursday to find out what it could do.

Stephanie realized that she was thinking like a boy again, and that was bad. It would be just like Steven to mess up so close to the finish line. She had to be as girly as possible for the next two days, and then she could start dealing with boy stuff again. She needed to do something girlish to kill time. Mom and Michelle were still in bed, so she went into the living room and quietly turned on the TV and flipped around the channels looking for a show a girl would watch.

She couldn’t find much except news and shows for babies, so she looked through their DVD collection for something that seemed feminine. She found The Princess Diaries, which she could remember Michelle playing over and over again when she was Stephanie’s age, and popped it into the machine. It was a pretty cool movie. Stephanie got so caught up in it that she didn’t notice when her mother and sister came in and joined her until they all sighed in appreciation when the princess gets kissed.

When it was over, Michelle pointed out that they made a sequel. Mom thought that watching sweet movies with her daughters was a great way to spend the morning; she wasn’t sure when the three of them would all be together again. Stephanie would be turning back into a boy most of the time in two days, and Michelle would be going back to school in less than two weeks. Before too long, she’d be the only girl in the house again. It was nice to be in the majority, if only for a little while.

Stephanie mostly kept her mind off her worries, but she did try to pay attention during the kissing scenes to see how a girl is supposed to close her eyes and turn her head, and whether you’re supposed to touch the guy or keep your hands to yourself. There were a lot of little things that went into a seemingly simple kiss.

The “Brooks ladies” shared a light lunch of roast beef sandwiches and a pasta salad that Stephanie helped her mother put together. Cooking was pretty fun, and she thought that Steven might want to continue helping his Mom in the kitchen even after he wasn’t a girl anymore. They set aside some leftovers for when Dad came home, and then the two sisters cleaned up the mess from the meal.

Stephanie’s mother had a surprise for her. She brought a couple things out from the laundry room to show her. “I found your sister’s old Barbie backpack and sleeping bag in the basement, and ran them through the dryer to freshen them. They’ll be perfect for your overnight.”

Thinking about it reminded Stephanie’s stomach to be nervous. “Thanks, but aren’t I kind of old for Barbie?”

“Nonsense! These were Michelle’s when she was your age. And watch your grammar.”

Stephanie’s sister spoke up. “She’s got a point, Mom. There’s a reason why they’re in such great shape. I think I maybe used them once.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You can see that they’re the right size for Stephanie. If they were made for a younger girl, they’d be a lot smaller. Have you thought about what you want to pack for your sleepover?”

Stephanie shook her head. “I really don’t know what I need. Could you help me?”

Mom and Michelle both agreed to help out and they all went up to look through Stephanie’s closet. The outfit they picked out for her to wear the next day was a white turtleneck blouse under a brown corduroy jumper (a thing kind of like a cross between a dress and a pair of overalls), paired with a pair of white ribbed knee socks and the shoes she got for Christmas.

It was fortunate that Michelle pointed out that one of Stephanie’s colored training bras might show through her white top, so she would need to wear one of her white padded bras under it. Brian wouldn’t have to see her looking completely flat-chested. The less he thought about her as a boy the better.

Since it would be her last day, she packed up the star earrings she had to get for the pageant that started this whole thing, along with the necklace and bracelet that matched them. There was a nice little pocket on the backpack that fit her jewelry nicely. She added her white plastic headband, which would make for an easy way to do her hair in the morning.

Her mother picked out a nightgown for her to bring with her. It was ankle-length and long-sleeved, made of pink flannel printed with a pattern of little flowers. White rules decorated the collar, cuffs, and hem. Stephanie thought it looked a little too “grannyish,” but couldn’t think of a way to tell her mother that she wanted to look prettier for Brian, maybe even kind of sexy, if that wasn’t too weird. But there’s no way Mom wouldn’t freak out over that, so she kept her mouth shut.

Dad got home from work while they were packing, and then it was a question of figuring out who got to use which bathroom first, since everyone had a party to get to. Mom and Dad were going to a fancy dinner party at his boss’ house. Mom was looking forward to trying to find more clients; the end of the year was always when people needed help working out their taxes. Stephanie really hoped that Dad wasn’t trying to find people at the party looking to get divorced; his job was so unromantic.

Their party was starting the earliest so Dad commandeered the hall bathroom while Mom was getting ready in the master suite. Mom looked really pretty in her bright blue cocktail dress, and Dad was rather handsome in his tux. Michelle teased them about looking like two kids going to the prom, and told them to be home by curfew. She let them know she might not be home until morning. She was going over to her friend Molly’s house to get together with some kids she hadn’t seen since high school, and wasn’t sure if they’d be drinking. She was prepared to crash on the couch if necessary.

Stephanie took a nice long bubble bath to try to calm down, but it didn’t work. Her heart was racing a mile a minute. She got out of the tub and dried off, and then was extra careful taping things up. She didn’t want anything to fall out of place and remind Brian of her secret. She put on her bathrobe and asked her sister to help her dry her hair. Michelle had quite a time on her hands trying to keep her little sister from spinning out of control.

Stephanie put on a pretty pair of light blue panties with butterflies on them and one of her white padded bras. She thought about asking Michelle if she could borrow the extra padding she’d worn with her fancy dress to Robin’s tea party, but she didn’t want to tell her the real reason, and the bra had been all she had when Brian asked her out in the first place so it should be enough for him.

She rushed putting on her pantyhose and they got a nasty run in them. She almost wanted to cry at having ruined her big date, but Michelle caught her quickly enough and showed her that there were three pairs in the package so she didn’t need to worry. She even helped her sister get a new pair on, getting her to slow down and do it carefully.

Watching her hands working her hose up her leg, Stephanie started wondering if maybe her pink nail polish was maybe too unsophisticated and made her look like a little girl. She asked her sister if there would be enough time to change her nail polish, but then she realized that her toes wouldn’t match, and even though they’d be in shoes all night he’d still see her feet when she was in her nightgown, and so she’d have to take her nylons off to change her toes. She was well on her way to a full-blown panic attack when her sister talked her out of changing her nails. She explained that a stronger color would draw too much attention to her hands, and on a first date you really want the guy looking more at your face. Michelle also had pink nails, so that proved it wasn’t a color just for young girls.

She helped Stephanie pull on the white full slip she’d worn under her angel costume, and then had her step into her new dress. She guided her arms into the sleeves and zipped up the back. She told her that if she had trouble unzipping it at night, she could ask Brian’s mother to help her. She slipped her feet into her new shoes and Michelle gave her a few pointers in how to walk in heels. She had her walk back and forth a few times, until she felt comfortable. The shoes weren’t that high, but they were taller than what she’d worn so far.

Michelle put a towel around her shoulders to protect her dress, and then did her makeup for her. It wasn’t as extreme as for the tea party, but a little more than everyday. She gave her some black mascara, just a touch of pink eyeshadow, and a faint dusting of blush on her cheeks. Stephanie put on her own lipgloss, and then put everything in her new purse. She decided to use her silver barrettes in her hair, just to fancy it up a little, and then put her hairbrush in her purse.

She swapped out her earrings for her new ones, and Michelle reminded her to bring her other hoops to sleep in. She put those in her purse along with the pieces of fishing line her sister had shown her how to use for changing earrings. Her hands were still shaking so much that she needed help getting her necklace and bracelet on. Michelle spritzed her with perfume and then told her to pose while she took a picture with their mother’s camera; she’d wanted to see how Stephanie looked in her new outfit and asked for a photo to mark the occasion of her youngest’s first date.

Finally, Stephanie was ready to go. She had sort of gone beyond nervous at this point. It was too late to change anything, so she just had to accept her fate. She was going on a date with a boy, and would try her best to have fun with it. Worrying wouldn’t get her anywhere. She put on her coat and Michelle gave her a hand loading her stuff into the car. After double-checking the directions, they drove over to the Somers’ house.

Michelle also carried her bags from the car, so Stephanie could ring the doorbell herself. Brian’s mother came to the door and told Stephanie she looked very nice, and called to Brian to come welcome his guest. Brian showed up quickly, and did a double take when he saw Stephanie. “Wow. You look really pretty.” He was dressed up himself, in dress slacks and a button-up shirt. Brian’s mother told him to stop staring and take her bags down into the basement. He took Stephanie’s things from Michelle, and she told her little sister goodbye, and let her know she’d be back at ten the next morning to pick her up.

Brian told Stephanie to follow him, and he carried the embarrassing Barbie luggage down into their family room. She was glad Michelle had made her practice going down stairs in her heels. He dropped her bags off in the corner and showed her around the room. There was a big entertainment center on one wall, with a huge flat-screen TV in the middle of it, surrounded by various gadgets and a wide multimedia library. There was a big leather couch facing the TV with a couple of overstuffed chairs on both sides, and a big square coffee table in the middle.

To the right of the TV space, there was a long table with some snacks set up on it. There were four doors in the room: one went to a room with the furnace and stuff, one went to a big storage closet, one went to the laundry room, and the last one was a bathroom. Stephanie just kind of stood there, not sure what to do. Brian realized that Stephanie still had her coat on, and apologized for not taking it from her earlier. She took it off and he went upstairs to hang it in the coat closet.

Brian’s mom came down to make sure Stephanie was settled it okay, and commented that her dress was very pretty. Stephanie said that Mrs. Somers’ dress looked even nicer. It was red and small and seemed to just flow along her curves, revealing much more skin than anything her mother would wear. Stephanie was impressed by her awesome body, and felt a little envious. She thanked Stephanie and did a little spin to show off her dress and told her she wanted to show her guests that she’d definitely kept her resolution from last year to get her body in shape. Pilates had been worth it, whatever that was.

Brian came back and got a harsh talking-to from his mother about how you should never abandon your guest. Stephanie thought the way he stammered his apology was really cute and giggled behind her hand. After some prompting from his mother, Brian told Stephanie she could take a seat and asked if she wanted a drink. His mother excused herself and left the room, seeing that Brian was now acting like a proper host.

Stephanie considered her options. If she sat on the couch, Brian might want to sit next to her, and maybe try to touch her or kiss her or something. If she sat in a chair, she’d be safe from any funny business, but it wouldn’t have as good a view of the TV, and they were probably going to watch something or play a videogame, and she’d want a better view. That was a reason. She definitely wasn’t picking the couch because she wanted him to try something.

There was a cooler under the snack table stocked with plenty of canned soda. Brian told her what he add and she decided the proper girlish thing to do would be to ask for a diet something. Brian was fine with drinking his out of the can, but she wanted hers in a glass. He brought her back a plastic cup with not only her diet cola but also some ice and even a straw in it, and a little napkin to use as a coaster. His mom really didn’t like rings on the furniture. Stephanie liked the little pink mark her lip gloss made on the straw.

Brian came over and sat down, and set his own drink on the coffee table and then sat near her on the couch, just like she wanted! “You look so pretty in that dress it’s hard to believe you’re really a boy.”

Stephanie blushed. “Thanks, but for tonight could we just like forget that and pretend that I’m all girl? I don’t want the adults upstairs at your parents’ party to accidentally overhear something and start thinking the wrong thing.” She bit her lip nervously.

“Ok, but I’m not sure I could ever get an actual girl as pretty as you to come over.” He smiled at her and she just wanted to melt. “So, I did bribe into accepting my invitation by telling you I had a Wii. Do you want to play something?”

Stephanie had forgotten that he’d said that; she was so worried about it being a date. She asked if they could play the game that comes with the console. If they played some other game and it was really cool, it might be disappointing if she couldn’t play it when she finally got hers. Brian turned on the TV and the game, and popped the CD in for the Wii Sports game.

He handed Stephanie a “Wiimote,” the special control wand for playing the games. It was a cool new piece of technology that lit up and made noise and even vibrated sometimes. But most importantly, it knew how it was being moved around, so to play baseball you swung it like a bat, or to play golf you swung it like a club, etc.

They played a bowling game first, and Brian showed Stephanie that he had created a little “Mii” avatar to represent her in the game. She was a cute little cartoony person that actually kind of looked like her. She had big eyelashes and pink cheeks and pouty little red lips. She wore a pink top that flared out a little, like a skirt. Brian clicked on the one that looked like him, and had her wave her remote around until a little finger appeared on the screen pointing at the cartoon version of her, and she pressed her button.

Playing bowling was a little weird You had to throw the wand like a ball without letting go of it. Brian had done it before, so he was really good. It took a little while for Stephanie to figure out what to do, but he didn’t laugh at her or anything when her video counterpart threw the ball backwards.

Brian threw a strike and Stephanie didn’t think it was fair for him to totally beat her, so he offered to show her what to do. She was willing to learn, but the way he showed her was kind of uncomfortable. He stood behind her and put his hand on top of hers, with his finger pushing hers to show which button to hit when. He was touching her hand and it felt really nice even though it was a major distraction. But her assisted throw was actually a good one, and knocked down all the pins! The imaginary announcer told her it was a great throw, so she thanked Brian and gave him a little hug. He was surprised and backed off a little when she let go.

They went through a couple of rounds of bowling, and even though he always won, she was getting better. She also thought she caught him looking at her out of the corner of his eye when she did a little wiggle to try to convince the ball to turn as it rolled. He was getting successively worse, so she tried doing other things to distract him.

She went over to sample the snacks when it was his turn. There was a big bowl of cheese puffs, and some chips and dip, but there was also a tray that probably was what the grownups were having in their party. There were some really delicious little meat pie things, some mini quesadillas, some stuffed mushrooms, and some kind of grilled chicken fingers on a stick. There were also some fancy “kid” foods like pizza rolls and pigs in blankets that the grownups probably didn’t have.

Stephanie tried a mushroom and the little yummy noise she made caused Brian to turn around and completely blow his throw and roll a gutter ball. She shrugged and said she was sorry, but it just tasted so good. He just sat there while she ate another one, and seemed to be watching her mouth.

They took a break from gaming to eat the hot treats before they got cold. Stephanie hadn’t put any of the little pie things on her paper plate, so after Brian tried one he insisted she have a taste. He made he open her mouth and he held one out for her to take a bite, and she almost kind of kissed his fingers; her lips totally touched him. She had to refresh her lip gloss after all that food, and she was sure she caught him peeking at her.

They next decided to play another sport. Stephanie wanted to try baseball, but it turned out to be too hard. She couldn’t swing the thing at the right time to hit the little ball. Brian quit out of the game and said that maybe tennis would be easier. This was cool in that it would pit them against each other doing the same thing at the same time.

Tennis had two of Stephanie on one side of the net and two of Brian on the other side, and whichever of her little people was closest to the ball would swing her racket when Stephanie waved the remote. It was really fun, and she quickly got the hang of it.

She was doing so well at it that while they were playing Brian commented, “You’re pretty good at this. I know you don’t have a Wii yet, but have you played real tennis before?”

“Nope. I think I’m just finding my groove.”

“That’s too bad. I bet you’d look really cute in one of those little white tennis dresses, especially with that little face you make when you’re concentrating.”

Stephanie scored a point against him while he was talking, and she stuck her tongue out at him to gloat while the screen was showing an instant replay.

He cutely answered, “Are you offering me a French kiss?”

She messed up and he quickly got a point. She was visibly flustered. “Why would a kiss be French?”

He pushed some button and paused the game. “That’s just what they call a kiss where you open your mouths and touch tongues instead of only kissing with the lips.” He quickly added, “I didn’t think you were really trying to kiss me; I was just teasing.”

“Um, ok.” Her brain started trying to imagine what touching someone else’s tongue would feel like. “Maybe we should get back to the game.”

“Alright. No more talking about kissing.” He un-paused the game and the little people started moving again.

“If we were going to talk about kissing, I’d have to tell you that my sister told me that it’s the tradition for couples to kiss at midnight on New Year’s Eve.”

He blew a return and scored a point for her. He paused it again. “Really? I don’t think I’d heard of that tradition. I don’t remember if I made it to midnight last year.”

“Well, if we did make it to midnight, would you want me to kiss you? A regular one, none of that French stuff.”

“Um, if that’s the tradition, I guess we’d have to. We wouldn’t want to get Baby New Year mad at us or something.”

“That sounds like a very smart decision.” Stephanie’s heart was beating in her ears, and her mind was doing a happy dance — he wanted to kiss her! She had gotten a boy to like her, despite her considerable handicap, which no one needed to be thinking about.

Brian’s mind must have been wandering a little, too. When he put the game back on, his little guy made a mistake so horrible, Stephanie won the whole match.

After the game, she needed to excuse herself to use the powder room. He had to go to, but he politely let her in first. She had to take a couple deep breaths before she was calm enough to pull down her pantyhose without tearing them. She was wound up now not with nerves but with excitement. Her first date was going really well!

Since playing the game required a lot of moving around, they were kind of worn out and didn’t want to play another one right away. Brian suggested they watch a movie. He’d gotten Ratatouille for Christmas and hadn’t watched it yet. It was about a rat, which kind of put Stephanie off, but he was a chef, which got her interested, so she said they could watch it until the rats got too icky for her. It was set in France, so she accused Brian of picking it to remind her of the kissing. He tried to say no, but he turned a little red. So maybe he was still thinking about kissing, too.

He put in the DVD and brought the bowl of cheese puffs over to the coffee table so they could munch while watching. Sitting where they could both reach the bowl had the side effect of bringing them very close together. There was a scene near the beginning that had a lot of creepy rats in it, and she just squinted her eyes and grabbed onto Brian’s arm. Somehow grabbing his arm changed into grabbing his hand, which soon became holding his hand. It felt really good, even if she did have to reach around and grab cheese puffs with her left hand. She compromised by grabbing them out of his right hand, which was closer than the bowl anyway.

It wasn’t a boring movie, but it must have gotten later than they realized. At some point she’d fallen asleep leaning up against his shoulder. They were awakened by Brian’s mom, who came in to let them know that it was fifteen minutes to midnight. She changed the channel on the TV to where it would be showing the big ball drop in New York City. Brian ran his fingers through his hair, and Stephanie went into the bathroom to freshen up and check her makeup. She made sure to have fresh lip gloss.

Brian’s mother came back down, walking kind of funny and with a goofy smile on her face. She brought them a pair of plastic champagne glasses with fizzy stuff in them. “Here, kids. You can toast in the New Year too, just like all the people upstairs. If anyone asks, it’s ginger ale.” She kissed the top of Brian’s head. “Happy New Year, Sweetie. I’ve got to get back up to your dad before Mrs. Dubois steals him away.”

Brian apologized. His mother was drunk very often; Stephanie was just seeing her at a bad time. Stephanie told him not to mind. They brought their fancy drinks back to the couch and watched the minutes tick away on the TV. Before long it went into a countdown. “Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Happy New Year!”

They touched cups and said “Happy New Year” simultaneously with the crowd in New York. They drank their tiny drinks much too quickly — it wasn’t ginger ale, and then Stephanie turned to Brian and kissed him right on the lips. Some people on the screen were kissing, so it must have been a real tradition, but she didn’t know how long they held it because her eyes were closed. Fireworks were going off, but she wasn’t sure if that was on the TV or inside her head.

She released him when she had to inhale, and whispered “Happy New Year” to him again. Brian said “Happy New Year” back to her, but he had a weird kind of look on his face. He said that since they’d already fallen asleep once, maybe it was a good time to turn in. He didn’t quite stand up, but walked kind of crouched over to where he’d dropped her luggage, and brought them over to her. He said that they’d move the table out of the way, and just sleep right there on the soft carpet. His things were in the laundry room. She could change in the bathroom.

She took her backpack into the bathroom. She couldn’t reach her hand around to the back of her dress, so she came out to find Brian with a guilty look on his face, unrolling her sleeping back onto the floor. She was supposed to ask his mother, but if she really was drunk that might not be a good idea. She asked Brian if he could help unzip the back of her dress. He got over to her quicker than she would have expected, and said he’d be glad to help her out. She’d only expected him to unzip it enough so she could reach, but he undid the little hook and then pulled the zipper as far down as it would go, and seemed a little surprised to see that she was wearing a slip. She was kind of embarrassed and thanked him and got back behind a closed door as fast as she could.

She took off her dress, her slip, her shoes and her hose, but left her bra and panties on under her nightgown. They made her feel more like a real girl. She took off her necklace and bracelet and changed her earrings to her sleeper hoops. She washed her face and said goodbye to the pretty makeup. The barrettes came out and she brushed her hair back into its loose style. The girl in the mirror wasn’t quite as pretty anymore, but she did still look like a girl. Stephanie freshened her lip gloss, just in case.

Brian had changed into blue plain pajamas. He said her nightgown was really cute, and showed her where they’d be sleeping. He’d set up their two sleeping bags side by side, with throw pillows off the couch at their heads. Stephanie thought it would work out okay. She had to think about it for a few seconds to figure out how to properly get into a sleeping bag in a nightgown without the skirt riding up. Brian had the TV on just for the light, so when they were settled in he used the remote to turn it off, and the room went dark. There was a faint light coming from the stairs, just enough to make out shadows.

“Stephanie?” Brian whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for coming to my party. There’s no one else I would rather have asked.”

She blushed, invisibly. “Thanks. I can’t think of a better way I’d have wanted to spend New Year’s.”

“Um, thanks for that kiss, too. It was nice.”

“You’re welcome. I also kind of liked it myself. You must have a lot of practice.”

“Actually, it was my real first kiss with a girl. Did I do okay?”

“I think so. It was my first kiss, too. Well, with someone I’m not related to.”

“I never would have guessed. Of course, I don’t have any other kisses to compare it to.”

“So is this your way of asking for a good night kiss?”

“It wasn’t, but it could be now. Would I get one if I did ask?”

“Maybe…”

“Well then, maybe I’m asking.”

Stephanie unzipped her sleeping bag enough to lean over and give him another kiss. There was no way the fireworks were on TV this time. Brian even reached up and touched her face before she went back over to her own side.

“Mmm. You taste like strawberries. Delicious!”

“Thanks, I guess. How did that kiss compare?”

“Pretty good. I don’t really have that many to go by, though.”

“Brian? I was wondering…”

“What about?”

“Do you think maybe you’d want to try that French kiss thing, you know, just to see what it’s like?”

As an answer, Brian leaned up out of his sleeping bag and reached over to her. When he found her face he brought his mouth onto hers, starting as almost a regular kiss and then opening his mouth to let his tongue lick her lips. She responded by opening her mouth, and his tongue moved in. She greeted it with her own, and was overwhelmed by the sensations as they licked against one another. She put her arms up around him to keep him from rolling back over too quickly.

When he did go back, she sighed an exhausted “Wow.”

He agreed. “Those French really know their stuff. After fries and kissing, they really didn’t need to invent anything else.”

She was torn between wanting some more kissing and really wanting to sleep. She told him that maybe they could do some more experiments in the morning, and he seemed pretty agreeable to that. He said he hoped to dream about strawberries.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Eleven-year-old Steven Brooks had been punished for violating his parents’ trust and looking at his presents by agreeing to spend his entire Christmas vacation pretending to be a girl. Stephanie just had her first date with a boy on New Year’s Eve, including her first kiss, and spent the night. It’s now a new year and only one day before Steven has to go back to school, and then the deal is over and he’ll get his Nintendo Wii. Or will he?

Episode 9

Brian was still asleep when Stephanie woke up, she watched him sleep for a while, and then got up to use the bathroom and get dressed. Her special tape had broken in her sleep, so she needed to change it. She put on her fresh bra and panties and put her slip back on from the day before, then dressed in the blouse and jumper her mom had picked for her to wear. She did like the knee socks. They were a whole lot less hassle than pantyhose. She brushed her hair out and put on her headband, then changed her earrings into stars and put on the coordinating pieces. Her makeup for the day was simple brown mascara and Brian’s favorite strawberry lip gloss.

Brian had awakened while she was getting ready. He was still in his pajamas, but he’d added a robe over them. He told her she looked pretty, better than before in a way because the previous night she looked too grown up and out of his league. He realized he wasn’t saying what he meant, and muttered an apology. He’d rolled up her sleeping bag for her while she was dressing and had put the room back in order. He said his folks were still sleeping. If she wanted breakfast, he could make her some, as long as she liked cereal. That was fine with her, so they went up to the kitchen for a bowl of Froot Loops each.

Over breakfast, Brian talked about what a shame it was that it was her last day of existence as a girl. He would have liked to have her around again. She told him about her role in Grace and Matt’s wedding, and how that meant she’d still be in dresses every so often through June. Brian brightened up at that, and asked if that meant maybe she’d be available for other things in the future. She said she’d probably be willing, but he’d have to ask about specific things. He said he’d let her know, and made sure he had the right phone number.

The kitchen was kind of a mess, so Stephanie felt like being a good guest and helping out. There was a stack of dirty dishes in the sink, so she took her bracelet off, rolled up her sleeves, and got to work. She asked Brian to go fetch the serving dishes from their snacks downstairs, and to check the living room for any stray dishes. She put what fit into the dishwasher and set aside the larger pieces to be hand-washed.

Brian showed her where they kept the soap, and she told him to get a towel; he’d be drying as she washed. He whined that she could just leave the wet dishes in the rack, but she wasn’t sure how delicate some of the serving trays were. She reached out and touched his face and turned it towards hers. With her mouth inches from his, she whispered, “Do this for me and you’ll be rewarded.”

His eyes grew wide, and then he stepped up really close to the counter and agreed to pitch in with the dishes. Brian’s mother’s rubber gloves were a little big on Stephanie’s hands, but she didn’t want to ruin her manicure so she wore them anyway. It was a pity she didn’t see an apron anywhere, but her jumper was corduroy and could probably handle a few drops of water. It kind of looked like an apron anyway.

She only had three big bowls left when Brian’s mother wandered into the kitchen, looking like she had the flu. She’d tied her robe kind of lopsided, and her pretty nightgown was showing. She had a really decent figure even though she was someone’s mom. She rubbed her forehead and muttered, “Oh hey, kids. Morning. Honey, stay out of your room for a while. Uncle Max had to sleep over, and we put him in your bed.” She had a kind of confused look on her face.

Stephanie smiled. “I’m sorry if the noise of the dishwasher had disturbed you; I didn’t realize it would be so loud. Brian was an excellent host and served his guest a satisfying breakfast, so you don’t need to worry about that. I guessed you might be like my folks in the morning, so I started a pot of coffee brewing.” She pointed over at the coffee maker,

Mrs. Somers poured a cup of coffee and slumped into a chair. “Thank you, but Brian didn’t need to make you do dishes.”

“He didn’t. This was all my idea. I didn’t want to be an ungracious houseguest.”

As she sipped, she said “You make a mean cup of coffee. Brian, this girl’s a keeper. Don’t let her get away.” Her brain started waking up. “But, hang on! You’re not really a girl, are you? It’s so easy to forget. You look too cute not to be a girl. Brian, this girl/boy/whatever person-thing is a keeper.”

Stephanie didn’t like being reminded that she was a phony, so she hurried up and finished the dishes. They had about an hour to kill before Stephanie’s sister Michelle would be coming to drive her home, so she suggested to Brian that they go back downstairs and play some videogames until she got there. He was more than eager to leave.

She tried to figure out how to turn the game on, and he showed her what buttons to push on which remotes. He leaned in close to her and whispered, “What about my reward?”

She pretended not to know what he was talking about, and fluttered her eyelashes innocently, “I don’t understand what you mean.”

“You promised me a reward if I helped with the dishes.” He leaned his face toward hers.

“Oh, that!” She teasingly turned her head to the side, away from his. “I don’t think I said I’d give you a reward. I believe what I said was that you would be rewarded.” She realized he’d gotten his arms around her. She couldn’t wiggle away. “The satisfaction of a job well done is always a rewarding experience.” She tried to keep a straight face, but it was tough.

“You sneaky girl! Already using your feminine wiles on me!” His hands were around her waist, keeping her within reach, but he didn’t have her so tightly that she couldn’t break away if she tried. He was only playing. “Maybe I should punish you for tricking me.”

Stephanie leaned forward, catching him by surprise. She planted a tender kiss on his lips. Remembering their “experiment” the night before, she opened her mouth a little and brushed his lips with her tongue. That was all the encouragement he needed. His lips parted, and soon her tongue found a playmate. She threw her arms around him and held on, letting her fingers slightly knead his back and shoulders. His hands started gently stroking her, and maybe one of them was slowly drifting down her back. But then she noticed something, and she suddenly broke the kiss and backed away from him.

Brian was confused. “Why did you stop? Is something the matter? Did you see my Mom on the stairs or something?”

“Your robe is kind of thin, and I think you might have forgotten to fasten your pajamas. You were sort of poking me.” She pointed at the tent in the front of his robe.

He looked down and turned beet red, then ran into the bathroom. “Ohmygod! I’m so sorry!”

Stephanie had to sit down on the couch to settle her nerves. Kissing Brian had made his penis want to have sex with her. That made the whole dating game become seriously real. Steven had learned about sex in school, but he’d never actually thought about doing it with someone. He’d always figured he’d probably grow up and marry some girl and make kids with her, but that’s just because that’s what you’re supposed to do.

Stephanie didn’t know if she wanted sex with Brian or any boy, but she was sure that she liked kissing him. She also kind of liked it that he wanted her, or that at least part of him did. It was like he was saying she was definitely, positively 100% girl. But in reality, she actually wasn’t, which would make that whole sex thing pretty difficult, and probably disappoint his boy parts when they found out she didn’t have any proper girl parts for them to try to make a baby with.

He sure was taking long in the bathroom. How long did it take to make sure your pajamas are fastened properly, anyway? Stephanie killed time by fetching her purse to check her makeup. Her tube of lip gloss would not last much longer.

Brian eventually came out, and still looked really embarrassed. “I’m sorry about, you know. I’d go get dressed, but my parents’ drunk friend is in my room. Maybe we should just stay separated until you have to go.”

Stephanie didn’t like that plan. She was hoping for another kiss or two. She pointed at the door. “Have you got anything in the laundry room you could wear?”

He shrugged. “Only what I had on yesterday, and I don’t know how I’d explain it to my mother that I wanted to get dressed up again.”

She chewed on her lower lip while thinking. “Um, ok. So how about you go in there and put on yesterday’s underpants under your pajamas. Maybe that would hold things in better?”

Brian took her suggestion. When he came back out, it looked like everything down there was under control. But in the interest of science, Stephanie gave him a deep, wet kiss and then looked down - nothing had popped out. The experiment was a success!

Brian was kind of nervous, and pointed out that his mother might be listening in, so they probably ought to start playing the game. Stephanie agreed to play tennis again, but compromised by saying that whenever someone scored a point, the loser would have to give the winner a kiss. Brian couldn’t bring himself to turn down that arrangement, so he accepted.

They were on the fourth game of a five-game match when the doorbell rang, and Brian’s mother called down stairs to let them know Stephanie’s sister was here to take her home. She got her coat, Brian carried her bags, and they went up.

Michelle smiled and took Stephanie’s luggage from Brian. “Hey, Little Sis! Give your boyfriend a goodbye kiss and we’ll be on our way!”

Stephanie gave Brian a little hug and a quick kiss on the lips (keeping her mouth closed) and then thanked him and his mother for having her over. They walked out to Michelle’s car and she threw the baggage in the trunk then opened the door for Stephanie to get in.

As they pulled away, Michelle said, “I was just teasing you about the goodbye kiss but you went through with it! I’m impressed.”

Stephanie shrugged. “It was no big deal. It’s not like it was our first kiss or anything.” She realized too late that she might have wanted to think about it before telling her sister everything. “I mean, you told me I’d have to give him a kiss at midnight last night, so I did.”

“You kissed him? Did you like it? He was kind of blushing a little back there.”

Stephanie checked the vanity mirror and touched up her lipgloss, trying to act cool. “I think so. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there? I mean, I’m a girl and girls like to kiss boys, so why shouldn’t I?”

Michelle chewed on her lower lip nervously. “Um, it sounds like you’ve got a lot to think about. You know, if you ever get confused or something and need to talk about it, you can call me any time. I’ll always love you no matter what, and won’t ever judge you.”

“So, can I ask you a question about dating?”

“Sure, kiddo. What do you want to know?”

“Is it slutty to French kiss a boy on the first date?”

Michelle had to pull over and stop the car. “Whoa. Well, first of all, where’d you get a word like that? It’s sexist and rude.”

“There’s this kid at school, Tommy Peters. He knows stuff. He was saying that Susie Dawson was a slut because she was French kissing Mike Webster behind the shed, but I didn’t know what that meant until yesterday, because I didn’t want to ask Tommy and look stupid.”

“Okay. So Tommy is a dumb-ass. Stop listening to him. And no, there’s nothing wrong if you were Frenching Brian. If a girl wants to let her guy get to first base on the first date, that’s perfectly reasonable. Was he a good kisser?”

“I guess so. I don’t really know what to compare it to. I liked it. Why do you call it first base?”

“Because boys are stupid and competitive, and like to brag about how far they get with girls, so some guy like in the fifties invented this code that they all use and we’re not supposed to know what it means, but everyone knows so it’s not much of a code. First base is a good wet kiss. Second base is when he gets his hand in your bra, but you probably don’t need to worry about that; all you’ve got in there is padding. Third base he gets into your panties, and a home run is actual sex. Boys are stupid.”

“Okay, since I haven’t got the stuff for any of the other bases, I guess I can’t go any further anyway. No boy’s going to stick his pee-pee in my hoo-hoo because I don’t have one.”

Michelle shook her head. “The sex ed. class in your school is so broken. Sweetie, if you still have to refer to your genitals in baby talk, you’re not ready for sex, but when the time is right, you and your boyfriend will be able to do plenty of things for one another’s pleasure. Gay people can and do have sex with each other. Just make sure you’re safe.”

Stephanie was getting a little upset. “I’m not gay.”

“Honey, you just told me you liked kissing a boy.”

“Yes, but I’m a girl right now. It’s not gay for girls to kiss boys.”

“Um, okay. I won’t push you about it now. But whenever you do want to talk about it, I’m here for you.” She leaned over and gave her little sister a hug.

“Thanks. Tomorrow I get to be a boy again and go back to school, and I can just forget about all this kissing nonsense.”

“Maybe not. You haven’t seen the news this morning?”

“No, Brian’s parents were sleeping late today. What’s that got to do with me forgetting kissing?”

“You probably don’t have school tomorrow.”

“Why not?”

“There was an accident. It’s all over the news - they’ll probably still be showing it when we get home. There’s about six different people arguing over whose fault it was, but somehow last night an administrator at Roosevelt Middle School noticed that there was money left in the 2007 budget, and called for a fuel oil delivery. The truck driver got there late, and he was the guy stuck working on New Year’s Eve, so he probably had the least seniority so didn’t know what to do when things went wrong. It appears that he hit an ice patch at the top end of the driveway and turned the wrong way and skidded down the hill. The truck slammed into the building on the first floor of the north wing, you know where the English classrooms are?”

“Yeah. Is the guy okay?”

“He was still in the hospital last I heard. Anyway, when the truck hit the building, the tank ripped open, and oil started pouring into the school. And either the heat from the engine or a broken wire or something provided enough heat to set it on fire. So there’s this big hole in the building, burning oil is pouring in, and then the sprinklers come on. Do you know what happens to burning oil when you pour water on it? It flows downhill faster, because now it’s floating.”

“Wow.”

“The oil pretty much settled in the cafeteria, and burned a hell of a mess in there before the fire department showed up. The classrooms where the sprinklers had gone off were all covered in ice. The TV guys went in there; it looks kind of pretty. The top two floors over where the truck went in were kind of sagging the last they showed them, so the school committee is having an emergency meeting right now to figure out what to do.”

“Really? Or are you just trying to trick me?”

“It’s real. I’d take you over there to see it in person, but I tried on my way to get you and the cops are keeping people away. I’m sure it will still be on the news when we get home.”

When they got home, Mom and Dad had been enjoying having the house to themselves, and hadn’t been watching the news either. Dad had a surprise for Stephanie; he’d hooked up Steven’s new Wii so they could play with it an extra day early. He’d already checked out his new golf game, and it worked great! He thanked her again for it. She gave her dad a hug, but was really more interested in the news.

Michelle tuned to the station she’d been watching, and sure enough it was still showing coverage of the Middle School disaster. The reporter outside the school committee meeting said that so far all that was clear was that the school would not be open for the next two days, but anything after that was still to be determined.

Stephanie went up to her room and checked her copy of the contract where she’d agreed to be Stephanie for eleven days. But that’s not what it said. Instead of a calendar date, it said that Steven had to dress and act as a girl until the day he went back to school. Part of her was mad at how unfair it seemed, part of Steven wanted to try to weasel out of the deal, but part of Stephanie was happy to be a girl for another couple of days. At least it would make going to dance class easier.

She brought the paper and went downstairs to tell her family that she understood that the point of her punishment was to teach her to be responsible and trustworthy, and that it was important to be true to your word and keep your promises. Since the deal that they all agreed to said it would last until school started again, she let them know that she would honor the agreement and continue to be Stephanie until the school reopened.

Dad looked kind of proud that she was showing integrity, but Mom seemed a little disappointed, like maybe Steven should have waited until they asked him to continue the deal. Michelle winked knowingly at her little sister, probably thinking that she just wanted more time to kiss boys.

Stephanie went back to her room to put her paper away, and to tell her doll how her date went. She wondered if dancing with Grace’s brother Christopher would be as fun as kissing Brian. She’d know soon enough.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock This was supposed to be the day that eleven-year-old Steven Brooks would be returning from Christmas vacation and going back to his sixth grade class at Roosevelt Middle School. However, there was an accident and the school isn’t open. The deal he’d made with his parents (as punishment for sneaking a peek at his presents) said that he’d be dressing and acting as a girl until school started up again. So, Stephanie is still here. But it’s convenient that she is since tonight is her first ballroom dancing class that she has to go to because she agreed to be a junior bridesmaid in her cousin’s wedding.

Episode 10

The school fire was still all over the news the next day. The school committee had sent some local contractors over to inspect the damage, and held meetings for most of the morning to figure out what they’d do about it. The head of the committee gave a press conference at noon.

The contractors said they’d need three weeks to get the building back to usable condition, so the committee just decided to push the whole semester forward three weeks. They’d rescheduled classes to start up on January 22, the day after Martin Luther King Day. And instead of June 11, the last day of school would be July 2.

Stephanie took the news okay at first. Three more weeks as a girl wouldn’t be too hard. She could manage it. But then she started looking at the calendar. She was still going to be a girl on her twelfth birthday! She asked her mom if maybe Steven could get a day off from the punishment for his birthday. But Mom said that the point of this exercise was to teach Steven to honor agreements, and there was nothing in the contract about any kind of days off.

It also started Mom thinking about what kind of birthday party to throw for a twelve-year-old girl. She could invite the girls from Stephanie’s Sunday-School class, since they already knew her secret. It would be fun! Stephanie wasn’t too sure, but she just nodded anyway since Mom seemed so into it.

The other thing the calendar showed was that she’d still be in school the week of Grace and Matt’s wedding. So there would be a tiny window between the end of school on Friday and the wedding on Saturday where she could get her hair and nails and stuff done up all pretty. (And sadly she’d have to get rid of all the prettiness before school again on Monday.) That might be tricky, but they had a few months to solve that problem.

She was rummaging through her closet to pick out an outfit to wear to dance class, and wondering if her dance partner, Grace’s brother Christopher, would be cute. She narrowed it down to two dresses, and then brought them over to her sister’s room for an opinion. “Which of these would be best for dancing in?”

Michelle looked up at the two dresses her little sister was holding. “That red velvet one is a little too fancy for taking a class. I’d go with the green. It’s pretty enough so if everyone else is dressy you’ll fit in, but you can make it look a little more casual by layering something like a sweater over it.”

“Which of my shoes should I go with? I don’t know what would work.”

“Real ballroom dancers like on that show always wear heels, not flats. So maybe those pageant shoes you wore to the tea party, I guess. But see-through shoes is also a little too much for a class. Your black patents have a little heel, so you could try them, but I’m not sure.” Michelle twisted her mouth up and scratched her head. “Oh, wait! There’s your new navy pumps. Put both of those back, and we’ll go through your closet and put together an outfit that would work with them.”

The two sisters went through Stephanie’s wardrobe and ended up putting her in a sleeveless pink dress, which Michelle accented with a navy blue scarf of her own tied around her waist like a belt, and that was enough to make the outfit work with her navy shoes and purse. The pink dress also let her wear the pieces of pink jewelry that her aunt had made for her, so maybe her cousins would tell their mother she liked them. She had a pink cardigan sweater in case it was cold in the dance studio. Michelle tried to get her to wear her pink plastic headband too, but Stephanie thought her hair looked better loose.

She took it all off and changed back into her simple top and skirt to help her mother with dinner. It was meat loaf and mashed potatoes. Stephanie got to knead the meat together and get her hands all messy, but after cleaning them off she got to mash the potatoes all by herself. She was really enjoying being useful in the kitchen, and it seemed like Mom appreciated having an assistant.

The meal was scrumptious, but Stephanie didn’t eat much. She was too nervous about the dancing thing, and was a little worried that the onion soup mix in the meatloaf would make her gassy. She really wanted to make a good impression in front of Grace’s brother.

Michelle did what she could to try to calm her down while she was waiting after dinner, but it didn’t help much. When the doorbell rang, she jumped up and nearly had a panic attack. It was their cousin Dan at the door. He was slouching there in jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt, which made Stephanie wonder if she was over-dressed. “Hey, Steph. You ready to go?”

She gave her big sister a hug, grabbed her coat, and followed Danny out to the car where Matt was waiting. Dan claimed the front seat and she got in the back. It was just the three of them in the car. “Grace didn’t come with you guys?”

Matt tilted his head a little to reply. “She had to get Chris, so they’re meeting us there. He had some kind of thing at school. He goes to Lawnbrook, so they may be late.” All Stephanie knew about Lawnbrook was that it was a stuffy private school.

The dance studio was in a big brick building that looked like it might have been a factory once. Matt looked at the other cars in the parking lot and said that it looked like everyone but Grace was there already. Dan was just as lost as she was, but Matt explained that he’d been there before when Grace’s mother was scheduling the classes. He showed Stephanie and Dan where the entrance door was, and even held it open for her.

There was a little reception area with a couple of restroom doors and a girl behind a desk. . They gave their names to the receptionist, and she said the class would be in Room B, and she pointed down a hallway behind her.

Room B was a big room, maybe thirty feet square with a twelve-foot ceiling, that looked even huger because three walls were covered in mirrors. There was a row of pegs on the back wall where they could hang up their coats. Stephanie felt relieved to see that Matt had on a tie under his jacket; she wasn’t the only one dressed up. She was very conscious of the click of her heels on the hardwood floors as Matt led her over to where the others were standing around, and introduced her to everyone.

He brought her first to a brunette who was around Michelle’s height, but more sturdily-built. She wasn’t really heavy, just thicker, like she was stronger or something. She was wearing a gray long-sleeved t-shirt with a blue short-sleeved t-shirt over it that had a weird design on it. She had tan cargo pants on and a pair of leather sneakers. She looked pretty cool. There were like four earrings in each of her ears.

Matt said, “This is Grace’s best friend Shelby. She’s the head bridesmaid, so that would make her your boss. Do whatever she says. Shel, this is my cousin Stephanie. Try not to abuse your power over her too much.”

Stephanie waved. “Hi. So, you’re head bridesmaid. Is that like the Maid of Honor?”

Shelby rolled her eyes. “Don’t get me started on that. Grace and her mother are arguing about it. I’m sure Joan of Bark will probably get her way, but for now the rest of us are sticking out of it.”

“What’s the problem?”

“Grace says since I’m not married I should be her Maid of Honor, but her mom says that since I have a kid I should be a Matron of Honor. Personally, I don’t feel very matronly but I really don’t care what they call me. Grace is just real stubborn about stuff sometimes, just like her mom.” Looking at Matt, she added, “You know you’re doomed, right?”

Stephanie’s eyes widened. “You have a kid? You don’t look old enough to be someone’s mother.”

“That’s sweet, but you know if you’re not careful you could end up as someone’s mother. Never trust a boy who keeps a blanket in his car. Anyway, you’ll be meeting Tara at some point. She’s going to be Grace’s Flower Girl. She’s six and very excited. I may put you in charge of wrangling her on The Big Day, if you don’t mind.”

“Ok.” It was comforting that Shelby didn’t know that Stephanie couldn’t ever be someone’s mother. Grace hadn’t even shared her secret with her closest friend. Stephanie’s mind then wandered off, thinking about whether she’d want to make a baby if she did have the right parts.

There were three other bridesmaids in the class. Andrea was a petite redhead who probably worked retail, judging by her outfit of a bright red polo shirt and a pair of khakis. Vicki was a tall who was almost as pretty as Grace. She was dressed like a secretary or something, blonde with her long hair twisted up in a bun and wearing a knee-length gray skirt and a pale blue blouse. Rebecca had dark brown hair and soft eyes that she hid behind granny glasses. She was in a beige sweater dress with black leggings underneath.

There was a fourth bridesmaid, Megan, who had to work nights and wouldn’t be coming to class with the rest. But it was just as well, since she’d be paired with Matt’s brother Jack at the wedding and he lived in California. His family would be coming out the week before the wedding, in time for the wedding rehearsal, and to get a refresher course in ballroom dancing. He’d had to learn for his own wedding. His little boy Jordan would be serving as Ring Bearer.

For the most part, the boys looked more uncomfortable than the girls. Ryan, Matt’s best man, had short curly red hair and a lot of freckles. He was dressed in a blue striped button-down shirt and a black pair of pants. He kept asking people what they were supposed to be doing, and looking around the room for the instructor.

A tall, lanky guy who Matt called “Steeples” introduced himself as Evan. He had short black hair, beard stubble on his tan face, and big brown eyes with amazing lashes. The other usher Vince was around Matt’s height and had wavy brown hair and an olive complexion. He wore a suit, but you could tell he had a muscular body underneath.

The instructor came into the room. He was an older guy, with slicked back black hair. He wore a loose shirt but tight-ish pants, and pointy little shoes. He told everyone to pair up, and Matt had to tell him that they couldn’t start the class yet; everyone wasn’t there. The Maestro (as he referred to himself) was very disappointed that all the students hadn’t arrived on time, and he originally wanted to just start without them. But when Matt explained that the class was for a wedding party and the missing people were the bride and her brother, he agreed to wait. He left the room and said he’d be back in five minutes and they would start, whether the bride had decided to arrive or not.

Grace and Christopher showed up with only two minutes left. Grace’s brother had her same blond hair, but his was much shorter, and styled with a little wave and a part on the side. He was still wearing what looked like a school uniform, blue slacks and a blue blazer over a red sweater. His blue eyes had a mischievous twinkle, and he had very full lips that would probably be fun to kiss. Grace herself was in a cute casual dress, a light floral fabric that showed off her figure without being too tight and clingy. Her shoes were black ballet flats, which seemed appropriate for dancing in.

After they hung up their coats, Grace went over and kissed Matt on the cheek, and then introduced Christopher to Stephanie.

He was not very impressed. “This is my dance partner? She’s like a little kid!” He sneered at Grace while pointing at Stephanie. “She’s hardly much older than your flower girl! Is this really the best you could come up with? I mean, just look at her. She doesn’t even have any tits!” He was still pointing.

Stephanie couldn’t take it any more and ran out of the room. She couldn’t think of anywhere else to go, so she went to hide in the Ladies’. Maybe she could stay there until it was time to go home. She leaned on the sink and looked at the pathetic girl in the mirror. She was angry at Christopher, but he was right. She really was younger than him, and she even had less of a bustline than her padded bra hinted at. She was humiliated, and didn’t even bother trying to stop the tears from falling.

Grace and Shelby and the girls quickly showed up in the restroom with her. Grace was very apologetic. “Oh, Stephanie! I’m so sorry we didn’t warn you that my brother is an ass! He was supposed to be on his best behavior tonight, but he had some kind of win at a debate club thing earlier and it left him cocky and full of himself. What he said was rude and uncalled for, and I’m ashamed to be related to him.”

Stephanie sniffled. “But it’s true! I’m a flat-chested little kid crying like a little baby.”

Grace put her arms around Stephanie and held her close. “No, that’s not true at all. Your style and manners show me that you are not a little kid, but a beautiful young woman, and I am honored to have you as one of my bridesmaids.”

Shelby chimed in. “And girls mature faster than boys, anyway. So you’re at least the same age as Chrissy, maybe even older than him, emotionally.” Stephanie knew it couldn’t possibly be true, but it was nice that she thought that way.

Grace let her go and backed up, but kept a hand on her arm. “And don’t worry about your development. When we go for your fitting, we can have them put a little padding up top, if it bothers you too much.” She either forgot who Stephanie really was, or she was conscious of the other girls listening because she added, “A lot of girls are late bloomers; I’m sure you’ll fill out when your body is ready. Mine didn’t come in until I was thirteen, and look at them now!” She cupped her impressive breasts in her hands and gave them a little shake.

Stephanie could help but giggle. She gave Grace a little hug and said, “I hope you and Matt are planning to have kids. You’ll make a great mom some day!”

Grace wept a little herself. “I think that’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me. Now let’s see about cleaning you up and then we’ll go out there and you’ll show that little jerk that you can be the bigger person.”

They looked in the mirror. Stephanie’s makeup could use a touchup, and her hair was a mess. At least her mascara was waterproof. Shelby left and came back with Stephanie’s purse, and then the whole team worked on getting her back in order. Stephanie was a little worried that they’d be late for class, but Shelby assured her that it would be kind of tough for The Maestro to teach the men how to dance without the women, and they were all united on refusing to go back until everyone was ready.

It was really nice that all these girls she’d just met were sticking up for Stephanie. She really felt like a part of their group. Steven had never really felt included in anything before. Stephanie wondered if girls were just better at banding together.

The six girls left the Ladies’ room as one, and did a sort of “girl power” strut back into the studio. The boys were all standing in a line in the middle of the room, spaced about three feet apart.

The Maestro was there, and he looked irritated. “Finally the ladies have arrived. Please form a line facing your partners starting here.” He pointed at a spot on the floor five feet in front of Matt.

Stephanie went to take her spot opposite Christopher. Grace had to tell the other bridesmaids who they were partnered with. They were kind of organized by height. Andrea was with Dan, Vicki was with Evan, and Rebecca with Vince.

Once the girls were in line, The Maestro got everyone’s attention. “Now before we begin, I understand there was an exchange of words earlier. It has been called to my attention that this ungrateful young man was very rude to his dance partner.” He pointed over at Christopher. “You need to make a sincere apology to her right now. If a lady does not trust her gentleman, she cannot dance with him correctly. The dance requires two people acting in harmony, so you must eliminate this disharmony before it grows. We will wait.” He stared at Christopher.

Stephanie was feeling very self-conscious, but she looked across and saw Dan smile at her and then glare at her partner. Christopher closed the distance to Stephanie and mumbled something. The Maestro told him to repeat loudly enough for everyone to hear. Christopher cleared his throat and said, “I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

Stephanie thought that was a lame apology, and knew that Steven could have done a much better job faking sincerity. But in the interest of proving herself the better person she replied, “I accept your apology. We don’t want anything to spoil the mood at Grace and Matt’s wedding, so I am willing to set aside our differences as long as you are.” Christopher nodded and went back to his position.

The Maestro looked the line of girls over like an army drill sergeant inspecting his troops. He was shaking his head. “Many of you do not seem to be dressed appropriately for the dance floor. While you were indisposed, I told the gentlemen what proper dress means, and the violators promised to be appropriately attired next time.” He stared at Dan.

“Now, Ladies, I’m not asking you to be in ball gowns, but you do need to wear something that will move as a ball gown moves, so I want to see you in a skirt or dress that doesn’t grip your legs too tightly. And most importantly, I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to wear heels. The dance steps would feel completely different on your feet if you tried to learn in flat shoes and then went to dance for real in high heels.”

The Maestro hated Shelby’s and Andrea’s outfits because they wore pants. Vicki almost passed, but he thought her skirt was too tight for her legs to move freely. He didn’t like Rebecca’s hemline and commented, “We will be learning ballroom dancing, not pole dancing.”

He liked Grace’s dress but vetoed her shoes. She tried to complain that she might end up with flats under her wedding dress, so it would be the same kind of shoe she was learning in. The Maestro countered by saying that she wasn’t learning to dance at her wedding; she was learning to dance for life, and if her husband was the kind of man who wouldn’t take her dancing after the wedding, she should call it off. If she learned in heels, she’d be able to dance in flats, but it didn’t work the other way.

When he got to Stephanie, he smiled. “You, my dear sweet Princessa, are dressed to dance. I applaud your sense of fashion.” She thanked him and smiled back.

After that, the class itself was almost anticlimactic. They started out simply walking back and forth, the ladies going backward while the men went forward, and then vice versa. The focus was all about using the correct foot at any time. When everybody had it down and was moving in step, The Maestro clicked a remote and started music playing. They still were only walking, but they had to do it to the beat.

The lesson then added a step to the side and back, so that everyone was walking in a square. And when they got that down, finally they were touching their partners, but it was palm to palm with their arms out in front of them. They ended the class with the boys finally holding the girls closer, holding their arms in a special pose.

Stephanie still thought Christopher was kind of creepy, and it felt a little icky having him touch her. She was nervous, but The Maestro picked on just about everyone for standing too stiffly, so she wasn’t alone.

When the class was finally over, her legs were pretty tired. She got her coat and purse and waited for her cousins. Matt needed a couple minutes to give his sweetie a proper goodbye.

In the car on the way home, Dan tried to reassure Stephanie. “Don’t you worry about Grace’s brother saying crap about you again. I set him straight.”

Matt nearly had an accident, slamming on the brakes to yell at his brother. “What did you do?”

“Chillax, bro. I just told him that I didn’t like that he made my cousin cry. And he may be older than her, but I’m older than him, and I have forty pounds and nine inches on him, and unlike some people I’m not trying to marry his sister, so he’s got no leverage on me. I think he got the message.”

Stephanie was glad her cousins were supporting her, but he mainly just reminded her about how mad she was at Christopher. It really bothered her that he picked on her lack of a chest, because she knew that was one of her shortcomings in trying to look like a girl.

When she got home her folks wanted to know how the class went, and she truthfully told them that her legs and feet were just tired and sore, and she just wanted to change her clothes and go to bed. Mom had a better suggestion, and she ran a nice hot bubble bath for Stephanie to soak her tired muscles in before putting on her nightgown.

The bath felt really nice, and Stephanie had some fun playing with the bubbles. She was still thinking about Christopher, and she molded a pair of breasts on her chest out of foam, bigger even than Grace’s. She imagined what Christopher would say if she showed up at the wedding sporting a big pair of boobs. He’d be speechless — that would really put him in his place!

It was too bad that it was only a fantasy — or was it? She remembered how at the tea party a week before that there were ways that drugs and doctors could reshape boy bodies into girl bodies. Maybe there was a way she could order some pills or something to make her boobs grow.

That would show him! He couldn’t call her a little kid if she had grownup breasts.
She’d grow herself a couple of boobs and rub his face in them! Wait, that came out wrong.

She’d whipped herself up into enough of a frenzy that as soon as she dried off and put on her nightgown and a clean pair of panties to sleep in and threw on her robe and slippers, she crept down to the living room to check the internet for ways to grow breasts.

She logged into her mother’s account and turned off the program that tracked what websites she visited, and then logged into her own account. A web search on “boys growing breasts” led to an article about a study that linked use of products containing lavender and tea tree oil to breast growth in prepubescent boys. And the best part of the story was that it said that as soon as they stopped using the products and regular male puberty hit, the abnormal breast growth went away.

So if Stephanie got some products with those oils and used enough of them, she could get boobs by the wedding, and then stop using the stuff when she was ready to go back to being Steven and they’d disappear.

She did some more searching to see where she could get tea tree and lavender oil, and found out that they actually sold the pure oils at amazon.com, so she could use the gift card her grandmother had given her for Christmas. And with pure oils instead of just products containing the oils, she figured it would have a stronger effect.

Just in case Mom noticed a package showing up but couldn’t figure out when it was ordered, she turned the tracking software back on, and then went to amazon and placed her order. Even with express shipping she had enough money on her card. She’d still have to wait a few days, though.

She crept back up to bed to dream about getting even with Christopher. She was almost too excited to fall asleep.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Eighteen days ago, Steven Brooks violated his parents’ trust and snuck a peek at his Christmas presents. Instead of having his new Nintendo Wii taken away, he made a deal with his parents to dress and live as a well-mannered girl until school started up again. Due to a problem at school, Steven will have to be Stephanie for twenty more days. Last episode, Stephanie had a horrible introduction to the boy she’ll be dancing with at her cousin’s wedding, so she decided to try to grow breasts to get back at him. In this episode, some impracticalities of Stephanie's wardrobe are corrected, winter weather comes to town, and some social plans are made.

Episode 11

When Stephanie had come home from her ballroom dance class, she’d wanted to tell her big sister Michelle all about it. But she wasn’t home. Michelle had spent the night at her friend Molly’s, so Stephanie wasn’t been able to tell her about her adventure at ballroom dance class until lunchtime the next day.

As soon as her sister got home, Stephanie gave her a big hug and apologized for anything Michelle’s bratty little brother might have ever done to her. Stephanie had met the all-time champ of bratty little brothers, and regretted ever having anything remotely in common with him. Michelle wanted all the details, and Stephanie became very teary-eyed as she described all the cruel things her dance partner Christopher had said to her.

Michelle could hardly believe what she was hearing. Was Grace’s brother really that rude? She held Stephanie close and assured her that her own little brother Steven was never that much of a pain. She even added that she’d miss seeing her little brother, since it didn’t look like he’d be back before she had to go. She’d be driving back to college in a little over a week, but Steven’s school wouldn’t be open again for two and a half weeks. It was also a shame that she wouldn’t be around for Stephanie’s birthday, since it might be the only time her little sister would be celebrating one.

Steven had never really been close to his sister. Stephanie on the other hand felt very close to Michelle and could tell that she sincerely loved her. The house would definitely be a lot emptier when she left.

The sisters went into the living room to try to figure out what they wanted to do with the rest of the day. Mom was watching the afternoon news and shushed them. The Channel 8 weather lady said that a huge storm was on the way, expecting to dump 3-6 inches of snow late Friday morning.

Michelle groaned that it meant she’d be busy shoveling the next day. Stephanie offered to help out, but realized there was a problem. “Mom, would it be okay if I got some of my boy clothes out from storage?”

“Why, Honey? Are you trying to back out of your deal?”

“All I have to wear are skirts and dresses, but I really can’t wear them if I want to help Dad and Michelle with the shoveling. I thought maybe I could get a pair of my jeans, and some work boots, just for doing work like digging snow or maybe even when I help you with the house cleaning. Girls wear jeans, so I could still be a girl, just borrowing some clothes from boy-me.”

“I don’t know. That seems like a slippery slope. I think we need to keep your boy clothes separate from your girl clothes, so you always know who you’re supposed to be.” She thought for a moment. “But you’re right; you don’t have any clothes that are good for helping with the snow. I think there’s only one real solution — we’ll have to get you some jeans and snow boots of your own. Come on, Girls! Let’s go shopping!” She turned off the TV and grabbed her purse.

The three Brooks women bundled into their coats and headed off to the mall in Mom’s car. Stephanie had a lot of fun trying on new clothes, and didn’t feel weird stripping down to her panties in the changing booth in front of her sister. She ended up getting two pairs of jeans: a faded blue pair that fit tight on her waist and had wide flares at the bottom, and a deep blue pair that rode lower on her hips and straighter legs. She was supposed to wear the lighter pair for working and save the dark ones for if she ever wanted to go somewhere dressed casually.

Mom picked out a pair of nice soft baby-pink fleece sweatpants that she could wear for housework or exercising, and they had a matching hoodie to complete the outfit. It was only after they’d bought them that Michelle showed her sister the pair of white hearts printed on the back of the pants that matched the one on the front of the jacket. Mom almost wanted to return them when Michelle started teasing her sister for having a lot of love in her butt, but she stopped when she saw no one else was laughing.

Because Stephanie really didn’t have many casual tops, she’d need something she could pair with her jeans when shoveling snow. They got her a purple tank top that was supposed to be good for layering. It was tight and gave her boobs real definition. Stephanie loved it. Michelle found a red long-sleeved t-shirt that looked really cool. Its collar scooped a little lower than a boy t-shirt, and the sleeves were so long they could cover her hands if she wanted. Mom approved it and it went in the basket.

Stephanie saw a raspberry-colored top that she liked. It was a little stretchy and had short sleeves and a V neck, and all the edges at the collar and the sleeve and around the bottom were all rippled. They told her it was called a “lettuce edge,” like the vegetable, but she thought it looked more like a lasagna noodle. She giggled to herself for a while, wondering what raspberry lasagna would taste like.

In the shoe store, Mom kept picking pink shoes for Stephanie to try on. She got a pair of pink rubber snow boots that matched her coat, and a pair of pink sneakers for doing work around the house. They were having some kind of sale where if you bought one pair, you could get a second for half price. Stephanie said that her dance teacher wanted her in heels, and asked if she could get another pair so she wouldn’t have to be in navy blue every week. Michelle found her a pair of black pumps that she said would be perfect for any occasion. They looked like real grownup woman shoes. Mom added a pair of sparkly pink sandals that reminded her of the shoes the stars wear on that ballroom dancing show.

They’d gotten everything they came for, so Stephanie expected they’d just go home. But her mother and sister told her that there was more to shopping than buying something specific. Shopping was also about seeing what else was out there. They spent some more time walking through the mall, stopping at various stores and looking at things.

There was a sale rack in an aisle that had cold winter wear. Mom bought Stephanie a hat, scarf, and gloves in the brightest shade of pink she’d ever seen. It was to keep skiers from getting lost or something, but it would make Stephanie look ultra-girlie if she ever went out in the snow.

In one store Michelle tried on this silk top that fit her well and looked really nice, and Stephanie was surprised when she just put it back on the rack and didn’t buy anything. “You didn’t like that? I thought it was really pretty.”

“So did I. That’s why I wanted to see how I looked in it.”

“But you put it back?”

“I really don’t have anywhere that I can wear that kind of blouse, so buying it would be silly.”

“Trying on something you’re not going to buy isn’t silly?”

“Nope.” It seemed that Stephanie still had a way to go to learn how to think like a girl.

She tried harder to get into it, and as they continued browsing every so often she pulled out things that she didn’t want to buy just to look at them. She tried on a cute little skirt that she liked, but Mom said it was way too short for her. Michelle tried whispering that she’d get it for her as a birthday present, but their mother overheard and immediately vetoed that idea.

They were walking through one of the big department stores at the end of the mall when Stephanie saw something she wanted to try on. It was a short-sleeved dress, striped in light and dark purple and cream, that looked very pretty. It had buttons down the front, a gathered elastic waist and a built-in lining under the skirt so it didn’t need a slip. They had one in her size and it fit great! She twirled around in front of the mirror a few times before putting it back on the hanger.

Instead of giving it to the changing room attendant, Mom kept it and took it to the cash register. Stephanie was confused. She thought they were just supposed to be looking and not buying. Mom explained, “Yes, we’re just looking. Even if we like something, we put it back. But that look on your face says you don’t just like this dress; you love it. And what kind of mother would I be to deny you that feeling? And it’s one that works in either a casual or a dressy situation. With your dance class, and church every Sunday, you’ll have plenty of opportunity to wear it.”

Stephanie thanked her mother and gave her a big hug in appreciation. She really did love that dress. Steven never really cared much about what he wore. He didn’t even have any favorite shirt or sweater or anything. Feeling this strongly about a piece of cloth was a very new experience.

She was still smiling about her new dress as they continued shopping for a couple more hours until everyone was too worn out to continue. Mom looked at her watch and saw that it was getting close to dinner time. None of them had any energy to want to cook, so she called Dad and told him to meet them at Fiorelli’s instead of going home.

They got to the restaurant first and were enjoying a basket of garlic bread when he showed up. He told all three of his girls that they looked very nice, and gave his wife a sweet peck on the cheek. The waitress gave him a menu to look over, but he just ordered his favorite without bothering to open it.

Dad had had a rough day, and didn’t want to talk about it. He tried to look interested when Stephanie told him about the pretty new things they’d bought for her, but she could tell he didn’t care. He just smiled and said that he was amazed to see her so excited about something; his youngest child had always seemed so quiet and withdrawn, before.

She wasn’t really sure how to react to that. Stephanie was mainly emotional and talkative because that’s how girls are supposed to be, but she had to admit to herself that there was a part of her that really did want to tell her Daddy all about her exciting day of shopping. She really didn’t know where that came from. Steven just hadn’t had a lot he wanted to share with people, so he kept to himself, but Stephanie was greatly appreciating feeling connected to her family. It was weird.

She tried to shave the confusion out of her head while splitting a yummy tiramisu with Michelle. She forced out thoughts of what Steven was before and tried to just focus on being Stephanie in the present. And in the present she was enjoying a meal with the people she loved.

They got home and had time for the whole family to play a game of Uno before Michelle disappeared to go call her boyfriend. It was just a nice night. She put on her favorite nightgown (the one she’d been wearing when she kissed a boy), told some of her worries to Hannah the doll on her bureau, and then went to bed.

Friday morning, the light was very bright outside her window. The storm had come early, and the whole yard was layered in white. A few flakes were still falling, but it seemed like most of it had passed. After a breakfast of instant oatmeal, she was ready to help her father and sister with the shoveling.

She got wear her “raspberry lasagna” top and her new flared jeans for the first time. With her pink snow boots, her pink jacket, and her very pink scarf, gloves and hat, Michelle said she looked like “Snowbunny Barbie.” Dad had to break up the snowball fight that followed. He set them back to work on different sides of the house, Michelle with him in the driveway and Stephanie clearing the front walk.

She tried catching a few snowflakes on her tongue. When her nose was starting to get too frozen, they went inside, where Mom was waiting. She made them take off their boots in the hall so they wouldn’t drip all over the house. Since Stephanie’s jeans fit nicely over her boots instead of tucking into them, the cuffs were wet, and she had to take her pants off, too.

She felt very self-conscious about stripping to her panties in front of her dad and made him close his eyes while she ran out of the room to get her robe. He tried to make some kind of complaint, but he gave up and closed them. After a snack of hot chocolate and a cookie, it was back to work.

It had become an almost second nature for Stephanie to apply lip gloss, and that habit worked even better at keeping her lips from getting chapped than any balm ever had. If she hadn’t become a girl, she’d be a boy with icky cracked lips, and that alone almost made the whole thing worth it.

By the time she’d gotten to the end of the walk, she had to go over the beginning again, to scrape up new snow. Then it was ready for Dad to spread salt to keep it from getting slippery. Michelle convinced Stephanie to make snow angels in the backyard before going in, and it was fun.

It was even more fun when Mom saw them both come in covered in snow, and they both had to take their snowy jeans off. Stephanie’s robe was still right there, but it was Michelle’s turn to run through the house in her underpants while her sister giggled.

The plow had come, so Dad was out of excuses and had to go into the office. Mom gave him a kiss and told him to be careful on the roads. The news at noon showed a picture of Stephanie’s school, where the giant plastic tarp had blown off in the storm and snow had gotten into the big hole in the wall. They interviewed the guy in charge of fixing the school, and he swore that everything would still be finished on schedule.

Stephanie was kind of uncomfortable thinking about going back to school, because it reminded her of going back to being Steven, and she wasn’t sure how much of the good things about being Stephanie she’d be able to take back with her. She took a long, hot bubble bath when Michelle was done in the shower, and lay there wondering if it would have been easier if she’d always been a girl. She washed the things that didn’t belong on Stephanie and tried to imagine what she’d look like without them. She couldn’t decide whether the idea fascinated her or terrified her. When the water got too cold and her toes got too wrinkled, she got out and got dressed.

She felt like dressing up after her bath and put on her shiny pink tights, black skirt, ruffled pink blouse, and white cardigan sweater. She slipped into her new pink sandals to try them out. They had a seriously grown-up heel to them. The outfit worked well with her pink jewelry, and she used her glittery lip gloss and a little bit of mascara, and a dab of cologne. She was tired of her hairstyle and tried a few things, but settled on sweeping it forward on one side and pinning the other side with barrettes.

She went downstairs and Mom said she looked very pretty. Michelle asked if she had a date or something, and Stephanie told her she was just in the mood to look nice, even if her family were the only ones looking. She borrowed some polish and remover from her sister and changed her nails to a paler pink. Michelle offered to help, but Stephanie wanted to make sure she’d be able to do it when her sister went back to college.

Steven’s experience with model paints translated well to nail polish, and Stephanie’s left hand came out perfectly. However, Steven had never had to paint with his left hand, so the nails on Stephanie’s right hand were a little sloppy. Michelle told her to clean them off, and then showed her a better grip for holding the brush in her left hand, and told her she might gain more control by moving the nail against the brush instead of the brush against the nail. That was strange, but it worked. It was good to have a big sister that could teach her things.

Stephanie got to wear an apron and help her mother cook dinner again. She had to peel carrots and potatoes for a pot roast. Dad was running late, and somehow cooking the meal extra-long only served to make the meat more tender and delicious. Mom and Dad had to go talk about something in his study after dinner, and Michelle had another call from Kurt, so Stephanie just went up to her room and drew until she was ready to go to bed.

Stephanie’s package was delivered on Saturday morning. She’d almost forgotten about it, but when she opened the box and saw her two bottles of lavender and tea tree oil, she remembered her plan. If she used enough of those two oils, it would make her boobs grow, and then that obnoxious Christopher couldn’t call her a little kid.

Mom wanted to know what she’d gotten, so she told her it was some bath oil she’d bought with Grandma’s Christmas money. She snuck her bottles up to her room and pulled out the internet pages she’d printed about the oils from their hiding place in her attic.

She locked her door and opened the bottles. Tea tree oil smelled gross! And people actually used this stuff for mouthwash? She was planning on just rubbing the stuff into her skin, but people would definitely notice the smell. Lavender oil smelled much prettier, so she figured she might be able to get away with using it as perfume.

She stripped to the waist and lay down in her bed. Then she took a few drops of lavender oil and started massaging it into the general area where her boobs would be if she had them. It felt kind of good on her little nipples, but it made them stick up. When she had rubbed it all in, she smelled strongly like a flower and had oily hands. She wiped her hands on her ears and the back of her neck, where perfume would go, and ran them through her hair. She put on her bra and a camisole and a top, and it hoped that would be enough to keep the scent down. She put the bottles in her dresser drawer and went to wash her hands.

For the rest of the day, her family would get occasional odd looks on their faces, like they were thinking, “What’s that smell and where’s it coming from?” but nobody said anything to her. When she was ready for bed, she realized that her dirty clothes hamper was going to be smelling like lavender for a while if she was going to keep wearing the oil under her clothes. It was just as well that Mom had started Stephanie doing her own laundry.

She rubbed the tea tree oil on her chest before she put on her nightgown. It still smelled gross, but it didn’t make her want to throw up or anything. It was just like really strong paint fumes or something. She promised herself that she would keep it up as long as it takes.

She settled into a routine of rubbing lavender oil on in the morning and tea tree oil at night, and putting a few drops of both into her bathwater. She even tried adding some tea tree oil to the glass of water she rinsed with after brushing her teeth, but that was too disgusting for every day.

Sunday was a big day. Her mother had printed out a stack of invitations for Stephanie to hand out to her Sunday School classmates. They each said:

You are invited to Stephanie Theresa Brooks’ 12th Birthday Party!
2:00pm Saturday, January 19 Summerwood Cinemas
Bring a gift appropriate for a 12-year-old girl
There will be games and refreshments, followed by a showing of the new Disney movie Enchanted (Rated PG).
Please RSVP.

Stephanie was in such a good mood that she wore her pretty new striped dress to church, and pantyhose like a grownup, and she wanted to wear her new pumps but Mom said her Mary Janes would be more appropriate. She wasn’t exactly sure why she was so happy, until Michelle asked if she was putting so much effort into getting dressed up because she’d be seeing Brian again. Stephanie blushed from head to toe as an answer. She realized Michelle was right, but also asked her mother if she could have one more invitation.

When they got to church, she tried to catch Brian before Sunday School started, but she was waylaid by a very said Bobby Perrone who looked like he needed a hug. She whispered in his ear, “Hang in there, Robin. Just remember you’re an angel princess.” She wanted to invite Robin over for her birthday but knew she couldn’t invite an eight-year-old to a party that would be showing a PG-rated movie, so she made a plan to ask her mother if she could invite Robin to dinner some night.

She passed out her invitations at the beginning of class, and Debbie made sure to tell her immediately that she’d definitely be coming to the party. Patrick took his invitation, crumpled it up and threw it in the wastebasket without even reading it. A couple of the other girls said they had to check and see if they could get permission first. She wasn’t sure how to read the other boys. They just tucked the invitations into their pockets without making eye contact or anything.

Mr. Walters was still really cool through the lesson, and they did some readings about love that just made Stephanie daydream about Brian. She really didn’t know where that came from, but it was a happy thought so she went with it.

She finally found him during the coffee hour. She caught his eye across the room and he started walking toward her. They met somewhere in the middle of the room. It was all Stephanie could do not to throw her arms around him and smother him with kisses.

He managed to speak first. “Hi”

“Hi. Um, since you were nice enough to invite me to your party and all, I thought I would only be, like, fair to invite you to my party.” Her trembling hand held out an invitation.

He took it from her, and maybe he touched her hand a little longer than necessary. Her heart fluttered and she almost missed his reply. “Hmm. Looks interesting. I’m not sure it’s my kind of movie, though.”

Stephanie looked up into his face. “I would love to have you there.”

“These refreshments — are any of them strawberry flavored? When I see you I just can’t stop thinking about the taste of strawberry.” He licked his lips, and she remembered her strawberry lip gloss and felt her ears turning red.

She had to catch her breath before she could answer him, and then there was a shout from across the room and Pastor Moore was coming right over toward them, and he looked pissed off about something. Stephanie looked around for her family and tried to run away. Brian tried running off in the other direction.

She wasn’t fast enough. “You are an abomination, Young Man! I believe I have made it clear that your kind are not welcome here. Now get out of here and don’t come back until you can behave properly!”

Stephanie didn’t know what to do, so she fled the church, tears streaming down her face. She found Dad’s car in the parking lot, but it was locked. She leaned on it and tried to calm down, but she just started crying instead. She wasn’t waiting long before her family came out.

Mom gave her a tissue and tried to comfort her, but she was steaming mad. “He had no right to talk to you like that. I’m going to call the Deacons tomorrow and see if we can force him to apologize.” Even after they got home, she spent the afternoon on the computer composing a complaint letter.

Later on the phone rang and it was Brian. He said he was sorry he didn’t stick around when the pastor was yelling at Stephanie, and he sounded sincere. But she wasn’t about to let him off the hook that easily. He abandoned her to be chased away by a mad minister. She got him to promise to come to her party, and she caved a little and said that he might get to taste some strawberries if his present is good enough.

Since her party was a whole two weeks away, he told her that if she wanted to maybe see him a little earlier than that, he’d be having a couple friends over on the Saturday in between to play video games, and she’d be welcome to join them. She said she’d think about it.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Nearly twelve-year-old Stephen Brooks got in trouble for peeking at his Christmas presents and his parents decided to punish him by making him act like a girl for his week and a half of vacation. That has since snowballed into two and a half weeks, with another two and a half to go, plus dance classes every other Wednesday, since Stephanie agreed to be a junior bridesmaid in her cousin’s wedding. Because she has a jerk for a dance partner, she’s started using botanical oils to try and grow breasts, a form of revenge that somehow makes sense to her. Last episode, there was an altercation after church, as the minister chased Stephanie out for talking to the boy she likes. This Episode covers a full week in Stephanie's life.

Episode 12

Stephanie’s mother spent most of Monday morning composing a letter to the Board of Deacons of Second Baptist to complain about Pastor Moore’s un-Christianlike behavior toward her child. She printed out multiple copies and signed each one by hand before mailing them off to all the board members.

Mom was still kind of simmering, but Stephanie approached her anyway. “Can I invite someone over to dinner on my birthday?”

“It’s not Brian Somers, is it? You’re already seeing far too much of that boy!”

“Does this mean you’re changing your mind about letting me go over there on Saturday?”

“No, I said you could go, and we’ve been trying to teach you about honoring agreements, so you can still see him. But since he’s also going to be at your party, I don’t see why we should invite him for dinner, too.”

“That’s ok. I didn’t mean him anyway. I wanted to ask Robin. Her dad’s been giving her a hard time, and I’ve kinda adopted her as my little sister. She’s too young for the movie party, so I’d want her to share in my family celebration.”

“Do I know Robin?” She thought about it. “Oh, you mean little Bobby Perrone. So he, I mean she, is sort of your protégé? I suppose we could make room at the table for more. I’ll call Mrs. Perrone and ask.”

Stephanie was glad to get that out of the way. She went to go hang out with her sister, just talking about stuff, nothing in particular. Well, maybe more about boys than anything else. She really wasn’t sure how girls were supposed to think about boys. She knew she liked kissing Brian, but she didn’t know if she liked him like a girl likes a boy. She didn’t like dancing with Christopher, but was that because he was a pain, or was he just not her type?

She was full of questions and no answers, and Michelle wasn’t terribly helpful and getting those answers, but it was good to get her impression of what life is like as a girl. Stephanie had almost no experience to draw on. Michelle tried to steer the conversation to sex, but Stephanie really didn’t think about stuff like that. She liked kissing but didn’t really see it as a sex thing.

Michelle asked her whether Brian would agree with that sentiment, and she lied and said she didn’t know. But she did know. That time she was kissing Brian in his pajamas, his thing was poking her. At least part of him was thinking about sex when he was kissing her.

Michelle asked what she’d do if Brian did think that kissing him meant she wanted sex. Would she touch him, down there, if he asked her to? Would she kiss it? Michelle used different words that she sometimes had to explain, and they made Stephanie very uncomfortable, but she felt that she needed to seriously think about how far she was ready to let Brian get. Michelle made a bad joke and asked if she’d let Brian put his thing in a place that nobody could possibly ever want to, and it was just gross. Eww! Michelle even said he should wear a thing so he couldn’t make a baby there, but that was just silly. Stephanie had had about enough of that conversation.

She was drawing in her room when Mom found her to say that she’d talked to Mrs. Perrone, and she’d invited both her and Bobby over for dinner on Stephanie’s birthday. She didn’t think Bobby could come as his little girl self Robin, though. His father really didn’t like him dressing up, and he had the key to the locked trunk of girl clothes. It was a compromise that kept him from throwing them out. That was a little disappointing, but at least Stephanie’s little friend would be there for her on her special day. It’s too bad her clothes were too big for Robin to borrow; otherwise she could just dress up after coming over.

Mom got a call on Thursday morning. The Deacons had held a special meeting the night before to talk to the pastor about her complaint. It wasn’t good. They agreed with him. Stephanie was no longer welcome in the congregation. If Steven wanted to be allowed to attend baptismal classes in the spring, a rite of passage for all twelve-year-old Baptists, he’d have to write a formal letter to the church “foreswearing his homosexual ways.”

Mom was madder than Steven had ever seen her. When she called Dad to tell him the news, she yelled and used words that Michelle didn’t even think she knew. She stormed off and did a bunch of research on the computer, to try to see if they had the right to make that kind of demand.

Michelle said they needed to leave her alone for a while, so Stephanie suggested they do all the housework themselves. She put on her pink fleece sweats and pulled her hair into a ponytail and set to work. Michelle started with the laundry, and didn’t even tease her sister about the hearts embroidered on her butt.

Stephanie decided to start by changing all the bedding on all three beds, and not just to give her sister more to wash. She then vacuumed the bedrooms. She wanted to vacuum downstairs next, but didn’t want to disturb Mom. She delayed by cleaning the bathrooms, a disgusting job but one that had to be done!
Michelle gently suggested to Mom that she take a nap and try to relax. Stephanie had even tried some aromatherapy by putting a few drops of her lavender oil, which was supposed to be good for removing stress, on a paper towel she folded and left on the nightstand to make the room smell nice. Michelle suggested a shot of brandy, which seemed to do the trick.

Since Stephanie had done the bathrooms, Michelle worked at cleaning the kitchen and let her sister do the easy stuff. Vacuuming was okay, but doing all the dusting in the living room really didn’t feel like “easy stuff.”

The girls decided to surprise their mother and make dinner. Checking the fridge for ingredients, they decided on spaghetti and meatballs. Michelle found Mom’s meatball recipe, and assigned Stephanie the task of making them, while she herself made the sauce.

Meatballs were more than just balls of meat. They needed spices and breadcrumbs, and even eggs, and you had to make them all the same size. They needed to get fried up in a pan on really low heat until they were brown all over, and then they could get added to the sauce. Stephanie washed vegetables for the salad while Michelle got the pasta started.

Dad came home early, and had flowers for Mom. Michelle took them and showed Stephanie how to put them in a vase. They told him she was resting, and he went up to check on her. Michelle suggested that maybe he was giving her another way to work out her tension, and it took Stephanie a minute to figure out that she was making a sex joke.

And that may well have been what their parents were up to, because when they came downstairs for dinner, neither of them was wearing what they had on before, and Mom seemed much more relaxed. She even smiled when she saw that the meal was ready and she didn’t have to do a thing.

They had a nice meal, without once mentioning the upsetting phone call. Mainly they talked about Michelle getting ready to go back to school. Did she need to buy anything? Would she need help packing? Was there enough money in her checking account? It made Stephanie sad to think of her sister leaving, but it did make college sound really exciting.

After cleaning up the leftovers and putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, the sisters watched an old movie on cable. The old folks had already gone to bed. Stephanie had fun hanging out with her sister. It’s too bad it wouldn’t last.

She spent almost all day Friday giving her sister a hand packing up her stuff. It was fun to be useful, but a little sad. She’d gotten closer to her sister than ever before and now she was going away. It just didn’t seem fair!

As they were packing her things, Michelle had Stephanie put all her nail polish and files and stuff in a shoebox. Michelle then took her three favorite bottles of polish out and put them in her suitcase, and told her sister she could take the rest of the box back to her room, as sort of a birthday present. Stephanie thanked her and gave her a big hug.

Michelle added that she was welcome to borrow anything that was left in her room, whether she wanted to try on some of her clothes or read her old books or anything, and that it would still be okay even if she went back to being a boy most of the time. Michelle said that she thought Stephanie would be having some rough times ahead, so if she could get any comfort from her big sister’s room that would be fine.

After dinner Stephanie got another present that was sort of from her sister. Dad gave her her own cell phone, and he said that Michelle had convinced him that she deserved it. It already had Mom’s and Dad’s and Michelle’s numbers programmed into it, and she could call those three as often as she wanted. For any other numbers, she’d have to pay for the minutes. Like most things Mom picked out for her it was pink, but she said that they could change the cover if that color became no longer appropriate at some point in the future. She thanked them all, and the family played a game of cards together in honor of Michelle’s last night at home.

Saturday morning they all got up early for a big breakfast before she hit the road. Dad was being all strong, Mom was a little weepy, and Stephanie was just plain crying. She didn’t want to let her sister go. But she really had to get back to school.

But she didn’t have too much time to be sad, because she had a maybe date with Brian that afternoon. She waited until lunchtime and called him to make sure she was still invited. She didn’t know if the church had said anything to him too, since the pastor always seemed to yell at her only when she was with Brian. But he said that she was definitely still invited, and he’d be very disappointed if she couldn’t make it. She was thrilled.

Of course, now she had a whole new problem. What should she wear to a not-quite-date, hanging out with the boy she liked and his friends, playing video games and whatnot? If she went too dressy, that would be awkward. A real girl would probably wear jeans to something like that, but she didn’t want to remind Brian that she wasn’t a real girl, so she didn’t want to dress too much like a boy.

She settled on her denim skirt, which was kind of like a pair of jeans only more girlish. She thought she’d keep it casual by wearing her sneakers, but it was kind of cold, so bare legs wouldn’t be a good idea, which meant tights. She tried to think if she’d ever seen her sister wear sneakers with tights, and couldn’t remember her ever pulling that look off.

She tried it to see how it looked. For a top, she chose her purple tank top and put her pink cardigan over it. She wanted to be able to take off a layer in case they were going to be playing one of those Wii Sports games that had a lot of physical activity, but be warm in long sleeves if they weren’t. She coordinated by choosing her pink tights, and then buttoned up her denim skirt. Her pink sneakers didn’t look too out of place, but she wasn’t sure how fashionable it was.

She put on her pink jewelry ensemble and put her pink headband in her hair. She went easy on the makeup, brushing on a little of her brown daytime mascara, Brian’s favorite strawberry lip gloss, and just a hint of blush. Instead of cologne, she put a little of her lavender oil behind each ear.

She’d been using those oils for a week now, and nothing seemed to be growing yet. The article that said they made boobs didn’t say how long it was supposed to take, so she figured she’d just keep going. They might have been making her nipples a little pinker, or maybe it was just from all the rubbing. She daydreamed about having more than just padding in her bra, and wondered what it would feel like if Brian tried to touch them.

Since she couldn’t get her sister’s opinion on her outfit, she settled for showing her mother what she was wearing, and asked if it was appropriate for spending an afternoon maybe-date with a boy and his friends. Mom said she looked nice, but wondered if she had a bag that would work with it.

Stephanie had forgotten a purse! This girl stuff was complicated. She went up to her room and looked over her options. Her little rhinestone drawstring bag was too fancy. Her navy handbag didn’t match any of the colors she was wearing. Her shiny black patent leather purse might work, since black was supposed to go with everything, but it made her want to switch her shoes to her Mary Janes. It was a little less casual, but she also could stop worrying about whether you should wear tights with sneakers.

She showed Mom again, and she approved the changes. Stephanie still had some time to kill before she needed to go, so she went and flipped through a magazine in her sister’s room. As though she were psychic or something, Stephanie’s new phone started ringing, and it was Michelle checking in. She was making good time and had stopped for gas, so she thought she’d see how her little sister was doing getting ready for her big date.

Stephanie described what she was wearing, and Michelle said that sneakers with tights were indeed a risky fashion choice. Some girls can pull it off; others just look goofy. It was much better to play it safe. She also reminded Stephanie that she didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to. If Brian tried to pressure her into doing something she wasn’t comfortable with, she should say no. And if he kept pressing her she should just leave. Now that she had a phone Mom and Dad were never that far away. She had to get back on the road so Stephanie thanked her for the call, and wished her luck.

The butterflies in her stomach had been doing aerobatics for about an hour before it was time to go. She double-checked in the mirror to make sure everything was in the right place, grabbed her coat and Mom drove her over to Brian’s.

Mrs. Somers let her in and told her she looked very nice. The boys were downstairs, and Stephanie knew how to get there. She took off her coat and saw Brian playing some kind of sword fighting game against a blond-headed boy she didn’t know. There was another boy watching them. He had curly brown hair and wore glasses. “Hi, I’m Josh. That’s Tim. You must be Brian’s girlfriend. Your shoes are the kind the girls at A&P wear; do you go there? I haven’t seen you around.”

Stephanie was confused. “Do you work at a grocery store?”

“No, I’m a kid. I don’t work anywhere. That’s a weird question to ask.” He called over to the couch, “Brian, your girlfriend is kind of weird.”

Brian hit the pause button, and Tim, the guy he was playing against, complained that he only did it because he was losing. “Hi, Steph. Guys, this is Stephanie. Steph, this is Tim and that’s Josh.”

“Josh already covered that. Did you tell these guys I was your girlfriend?”

Brian looked embarrassed. “I said you were a girl, and a friend, but I guess they misunderstood.”

Josh corrected him. “That’s not what you said. You said there was a girl you liked and she was coming over and we were supposed to be nice to her.”

Brian looked really nervous. It was so cute! “Um, Steph, let me help you hang up your coat.” He dragged her and her coat upstairs to the coat closet. “Look, I’m sorry. You can go home if you want to. I did something kind of wrong. We were back at school and talking about our vacations, and somehow we drifted to talking about girls and I said that I’d had a girl over for New Year’s and kissed her, and they said prove it. So I invited you all over today to prove to them that I knew a girl, but it was stupid of me and if you hate me I understand.”

“I don’t hate you.” She started walking back downstairs, and gave him a quick kiss. “But that’s all the strawberry you’re getting today, and no trip to France.” When Brian figured out her code words, he felt really ashamed. When they had rejoined the others, she said, “Yes, Weird Boy, I’m the one he told you was his girlfriend. And as long as he gets me an awesome birthday present next week, he’s allowed to keep calling me that. Now why did you want to know where I buy my groceries?”

“I don’t.”

“You asked me if I went to the A&P.”

“Oh… Vocabulary problem. We three are all students at St. Philip’s Academy for Boys. We share a few specialty classes with the school next door, St. Anne’s School for Girls. Collectively, the two schools are known as Saints Anne and Philip, or A&P, like the grocery store, but there really isn’t one of those near here. The girls at St Anne’s wear shoes like yours with their uniforms, but if you don’t know A&P I guess you don’t go there.”

“I see. I go to Roosevelt, or I would if it was open.”

“Cool.” Eventually things settled down, but it seemed like Josh could not stay quiet for very long; he was always talking, but not saying much.

Tim won the battle, and then they decided to play a four-player game of tennis. Stephanie realized that her own Nintendo Wii had been set up in her family room for almost two weeks now, but she still hadn’t played it. Brian’s was the only one she’d ever used. She made the mistake of commenting on that, and Tim just kept making dirty jokes. “Brian’s girlfriend likes to play with his Wii,” or worse, “Brian’s girlfriend has a Wii,” which wasn’t as funny as Tim thought it was, because it was true and not something either of them really wanted to be reminded about.

It did help Stephanie and Brian soundly defeat Tim and Josh, though. She felt like rewarding her boyfriend (it was really cool that she could call him that) for a job well-done and gave him a little kiss, right in front of his friends. That should be the proof he needed. His friends were dorks, anyway. She wished it could be just the two of them, but wishing doesn’t work. If it did, she’d have a huge set of boobs hanging on her chest. She wondered if Brian was really into boobs. Most boys were supposed to be.

They went on to do a four-player game of bowling, but in this one the players went one at a time. The cool part is she could snuggle up to Brian on the couch while the dorks were taking their turns. She’d taken her sweater off, so when he put his arm around her, his fingers were actually touching her actual shoulder.

By some weird fluke, she actually bowled a strike, and Brian gave her a playful pat on the butt in congratulations. She shot him a funny look, but it really wasn’t that bad. It just reminded her of some of the things her sister had warned her about boys and butts, and that was gross to think about.

Much too quickly, it was time to go home. Tim’s came to take him home and was already going to drop Josh off, so he offered to take Stephanie home as well. She made Brian come back downstairs with her to get her sweater, and when she had him alone she gave him a goodbye kiss and opened her mouth a little and played with his tongue. They got her sweater and went back upstairs, and she rode home with the dorks.

Stephanie spent Saturday night sketching, trying to imagine what Brian was up to, since he was her boyfriend and all. She did the happy “I have a boyfriend” dance up in her room, and wished she had somebody to tell. She settled for having an imaginary conversation about boyfriends with Hannah, her doll. She was glad that she had a nice boy like Brian and not a mean one like Christopher for a boyfriend. It was a word she didn’t get tired of using.

The whole family stayed home on Sunday. If Stephanie wasn’t welcome, none of them would go. Mom decided that they would have a Family Day at Home, so they all just kind of hung out in their pajamas, Dad got to watch golf when he would have been at church, and Mom and Stephanie baked an apple pie from scratch.

The phone rang after lunch and it was for Stephanie. It was Debbie Washington from her Sunday School class. She said that Pastor Moore had come into the class at the beginning of the session and announced that “Steven Brooks had been asked by the Deacons to leave the congregation until such time as he was no longer actively defying God’s order by dressing inappropriately.” Mr. Walters told the Pastor that if that was Second Baptist’s idea of what it meant to be Christian, he could no longer serve there. He walked out and the class was stuck without a teacher until someone tracked down Mrs. Kendall to fill in.

The class never really got started. Elizabeth Patterson pointed out that she was wearing pants, and asked if she was actively defying God’s order. Mrs. Kendall had no idea what to say, so Elizabeth then went on to ask whether they were all defying God’s order in the play on Christmas, or if God let people have the day off to defy whatever order they wanted. Were all the women up in the congregation who were wearing pants actively defying God’s order? The entire class broke down into total chaos with everyone asking about actively defying God’s order.

Debbie said that it was a total laugh riot and was sorry that Stephanie had to miss it. She did say that the girls got together after “class” and talked amongst themselves. They’d all already agreed to go to Stephanie’s birthday party, and none of them were going to back out of it, even if it meant ADGO. They even decided to start using “ADGO” when text messaging. Debbie wanted to know if Stephanie had a texting account, but she didn’t. She did just get a phone, but if she used too many minutes she’d be in trouble. Debbie told her where to go on her computer to get a free internet text messaging thing, and had her write down her id so Stephanie could add her to her buddy list, whatever that was. It sounded pretty cool.

Stephanie passed along some of what Debbie had told her about class to her mother, and she laughed hysterically at it. She also made it a point to get Mr. Walters’ phone number from the church directory, and called to thank him for setting a better example than some people. She asked him what church he was planning on going to instead, and he didn’t know. Mom didn’t know either. Dad said they should try the Episcopalians, since they had a lesbian priest or whatever the right word for it is, so they should be more open to issues of flexible gender or sexuality. Mom said she was more used to the rules of the Baptists and didn’t like all the high ceremony of the Episcopalians. Dad said she just didn’t want to learn the “trespasses” version, and Stephanie had no idea what he was talking about.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Once upon a time, an eleven-year-old boy named Steven was in his church’s Christmas pageant playing an angel, since the boys and girls had switched roles. He was naughty and peeked at his presents, and for punishment his parents made him play a girl role for his entire winter break. Stephanie, as she was now called, bonded very closely with eight-year-old Bobby who would rather be a girl named Robin, and this week Stephanie will be turning twelve and she’s invited Bobby and his mother over to share their celebration. Bobby’s father has a problem with Robin, but will that spoil Stephanie’s birthday? But first, she’s got another dance class with that brat Christopher for a partner. Find out if 13 proves unlucky for our heroine.

Episode 13

On Monday, Stephanie woke up with an idea. After having her bath and rubbing lavender oil into her chest (when was this stuff supposed to start working?) she dressed up all in pink, since that seemed to be the color her mother preferred to see her in: her pink sleeveless dress over pink tights and topped with her pink cardigan sweater. She even wore her pink training bra and matching panties. Disappointingly, she had to go with a white slip, since she didn’t have a pink one. She did her hair with her pink plastic headband, and wore the pink jewelry set her aunt had made. She went a little further with her makeup than usual, and used some pink eye shadow as well as her brown mascara to make her eyes pretty and used a tiny bit of pink blush on her cheeks. Her look needed pink lip gloss of course, but she went with the glittery one she didn’t wear very much.

She grabbed a bowl of cereal in the kitchen, and then sought out her mother. She was at her desk working on someone’s taxes. When she looked up and noticed Stephanie watching, she told her she looked very pretty and asked how long she’d been standing there. Stephanie said it hadn’t been that long, but Mom was impressed anyway, since Steven had never been known for quiet patience. Stephanie said that she didn’t want to interrupt, and asked her mother to come and talk to her when she finished. There was something she wanted to talk about, but it wasn’t so important that it couldn’t wait.

An hour or so later, Stephanie’s mother found her up in her room changing her nail polish. She was having a little trouble working left-handed, so Mom pulled a chair over and said “Give me your hand and I’ll give you a hand.”

Stephanie giggled and thanked her mother for helping. Mom started by using a cotton swap and some remover to correct a few of Stephanie’s mistakes, and then held her hand and gave her nails a light coat. While that was drying, she asked what Stephanie wanted to talk about.

Stephanie got a serious look on her face. “I’ve been thinking about my birthday.”

“Have you? You know, your father and I have been toying with the idea of giving you a day of amnesty, letting you be Steven again on your birthday for twenty-four hours.”

“Um, thank you for thinking about that, but I don’t think it would be right.”

Mom sounded cautious. “Why not? Does it seem more right for you to be a girl now?”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Stephanie wasn’t sure what the answer to that question was, and thinking about it scared her. “I mean it wouldn’t be right to change the terms of the deal after we already signed the contract. It said I had to be a girl every day, full time, until school started, and school hasn’t started yet. So it wouldn’t seem right to try to get out of that, even if you wanted to let me.”

“Wow. That’s a very mature way of looking at things. I guess you really are growing up.”

Stephanie had a moment of excitement mixed with panic and glanced down to see if maybe mom had noticed something or things growing, but she was still a pancake. “Anyway, I was thinking about my birthday. I know you got me a phone, and that’s a great present, and I love that I can talk to Michelle any time I want to, and I don’t want to give it back or anything, but I was wondering if you could buy another present besides that one.”

Her mother relaxed and smiled. Her child finally had a familiar issue. “Oh, okay. All this was just your way of asking for something. We may have been planning on getting you a present to give you on your actual birthday. Do you want to go look in my closet to see if I’m hiding any nicely wrapped presents in there?”

That was a low blow, but Stephanie deserved it. She shook her head and tried to keep her lip from quivering. She mumbled, “No, that would be wrong.”

“Well, in case we haven’t bought you anything yet, what was it you wanted?”

Stephanie took a deep breath to clear her head. “Well, you know how I wanted to invite Robin to dinner, but Bobby’s dad doesn’t like Bobby being Robin, so Robin can’t come over but Bobby can? Well, what if when Bobby got here we wanted to play dress-up, and we just happened to have some pretty things in the right size and maybe a even a wig since Bobby’s dad cut off all his hair, so Robin could be at my birthday anyway? She really likes being a girl, but doesn’t get to at home now, and I can’t even see her at church anymore to try and cheer her up by reminding her she’s still a girl inside!”

Mom was not expecting anything like that. “Um, that’s very generous of you, wanting to do something for someone else on your special day. Bobby did look very sweet at the Christmas pageant, and wearing his cute little dress afterwards, but I don’t know if we really ought to get between him and his father. Are you sure he feels like a girl inside?”

“That’s what she told me. You can call Michelle and ask her about the tea party at Robin’s we went to. Michelle talked about how doctors can turn boys into girls and she got all excited.”

“Do you feel like a girl inside, too? Is that why it matters so much to you?”

“I don’t think I feel any different inside than before. I know I wouldn’t want to get doctors and stuff involved. This is about Robin, really. She’s like a little sister to me, and the last time I saw her she looked so sad. I just wish there was something I could do to help my friend, and I thought maybe letting her be herself here might work.”

“Okay, honey. I can see that this really matters to you, so I’ll think about it. I’ll talk to your father, and if we both think it’s a good idea, I’ll call Bobby’s mother to make sure.”

“I guess that sounds fair.” Stephanie gave her mother a hug. “Thanks, Mom, for listening. And my nails are as good as when Michelle does them, too.”

Stephanie let her mother go back to work, and tried not to bug her about Robin. She spent the afternoon reading one of her sister’s Babysitters Club books until it was time to help mom with dinner. After dinner her parents talked in private for a while, and then Mom came to her and said she’d be calling Robin’s mother to see if she could agree with Stephanie’s plan. She thanked her Mom and went to bed that night feeling very happy for her friend.

Tuesday morning, Mom went on the phone and took a bunch of notes. When she hung up she told Stephanie, “I just called Mrs. Perrone. She likes your idea, and said it was very sweet of you to want to help Bobby. She thought about trying to sneak the trunk with Robin’s things in it over here, but her husband has the key so that wouldn’t do us much good. I told her not to worry; we could buy Robin some new things. She offered to pay for them, but I told her that wasn’t necessary. This is something you wanted to do, so you’d be using your grandmother’s birthday money. I wrote down all of Robin’s sizes, and we can hit the mall. Are you sure you still want to do this, knowing that it’s your money we’ll be spending?”

“That makes it even better. I can’t think of anything I’d rather spend my Grandma money on. Everything I’ve ever seen her in is really dressy, but if we shop for something casual but still very girlish, I might even be able to afford more than one outfit, and she can have fun picking things.”

Stephanie got dressed for action in her casual light purple two-piece dress, knee socks, and her pink sneakers. She had to go with her black patent handbag, even though it didn’t quite match her outfit; it was just the closest. They decided that getting Robin a wig was the most important, so Mom flipped through the phone book and called a few places to find one that sold child-size wigs and they wouldn’t need to wait five days to order one. She wrote down addresses of a couple of places that might work, and they drove off.

The first place they tried was a store just for wigs. They had some really pretty ones in small sizes for kids, but they were way too expensive. Fortunately, the children’s wigs they saw at the costume shop they went to next were priced within Stephanie’s budget. She picked out a pretty one that had long wavy hair held back with two built-in little pink bows. It came in a few different colors, and Stephanie thought that if she got one closer to Robin’s natural hair color, it might just make her sad about getting hers all cut off. So instead she went with one that was almost the same color as her own, and that might make Robin happy to match, more like real sisters.

Then they went to the mall, and Stephanie found a couple of nice dresses and a cute pink sweater that would work with either of them in an “End of Season” sale, and another store had some girls’ underwear on clearance, so she picked up a package of panties for Robin, as well as a little camisole undershirt (Mom explained that Robin was too young for even a training bra) and a slip. She had to pay full price for Robin’s tights, but she bought two different colors anyway.

In the bargain shoe store, she chose a pair of black shoes that would probably go with anything, and found a cute little handbag that seemed to match. She brought her things to the register, and the girl told her there was a sale where she could get a second item for half off, so she could get another pair of shoes and another bag cheaper. She a pair of black sandals for Robin that had a little more heel, and then decided she wanted another bag for herself; she was tired of not having one to match her outfits. Since two-thirds of what she owned was pink, she found a nice pink bag that would probably work with most of her wardrobe. At the very least it would always coordinate with her jacket.

They passed an accessories store and Stephanie saw a nice little necklace with a pendant on it in the shape of an angel that was perfect for Robin, so she bought it even though it used up most of the rest of her money. Mom’s notes didn’t say whether or not Robin still had pierced ears, so Stephanie wasn’t sure what to do about earrings. Her mother brilliantly suggested that they get a pair of little clip-ons, and if it turned out the holes in her ears hadn’t closed up she could borrow a pair of Stephanie’s earrings.

All that shopping left her feeling very worn out, but it was a satisfying kind of tired, knowing that her “little sister” would be so happy to be able to wear pretty things again. She thanked her parents again at dinner for letting her do it.

Wednesday she washed all of Robin’s clothes and made a little space for them in her closet. In a week she was supposed to go back to attending school as Steven and only becoming Stephanie part time, but she wasn’t sure how all those clothes would be able to share space. Stephanie had accumulated quite a lot during her fairly short time in existence. Maybe she could move some of her things into her sister’s closet, since Michelle took most of her stuff with her to college. She could even just move into Michelle’s room when she wanted to go to sleep as a girl, and let Steven have his room back completely for when he wanted to be a boy. It was getting too complicated to think about, so she decided to put it off as long as possible, and not worry about having to be Steven again until it actually happened.

Wednesday night was also the second session of her dance class. She wore her purple striped cotton dress with the buttons down the front, and spun around a few times to make sure it would move enough. She didn’t want the Maestro to get mad at her. She wore real pantyhose instead of tights, and put on her sparkly pink high-heel sandals. Her new pink pocketbook worked perfectly with her ensemble, as did the pink jewelry her aunt had made for her.

So that her stupid dance partner wouldn’t pick on her for being a little kid again, she put a little more effort into making her makeup look sophisticated. She had to use a book and a couple magazines from her sister’s room, but it was worth it. She started with foundation all over her face. The first time she tried it, she used too much and it made her look fake, so she had to wash it off and start over lighter. It took a while to get right, but she accented her eyes with black eyeliner and mascara, and then swept a little purple eye shadow across her lids. Her cheeks needed a hint of blusher, and she used some actual lipstick instead of just gloss. She looked in the mirror and thought she looked older, thirteen or fourteen, maybe even fifteen. Her boobs still hadn’t grown yet, but hopefully her padded bra provided enough bustline.

She dabbed a little lavender for perfume and confidently strode downstairs to wait for her ride. Unfortunately, Mom saw her and declared that she was “painted up like a trollop” and brought her upstairs to wash it all off. She protested that she needed to look like a real ballroom dancer, and her mother caved a little. She showed her the products she had used, and Mom showed her how to put them on much more subtly. When she got done, it might not have been the look of a sophisticated lady going dancing, but the girl in the mirror had to be at least sixteen. Stephanie thanked her for her work, and said that maybe some time she could teach her how to get that look by herself.

When her cousin Danny came to the door to fetch her, he was dressed up nice in a jacket and tie and dress shoes and looked pretty good. He let out a wolf whistle and told her if she was going to keep getting hotter every time he saw her, eventually he’d just have to forget they were related. This earned him a nasty look from his uncle, and he dropped the subject. They went out to his brother Matt’s car and drove to class. Everyone was early this time, and they were all dressed up nice.

Her dance partner even wasn’t a total tool, and told her she looked pretty. Okay, actually his sister said she looked pretty, but Christopher did say “yeah” in agreement. And the way he kept trying to look down her dress, he must have been convinced that there was something there to see. So it wasn’t all bad.

The Maestro came in and told them all that he appreciated that they’d all taken the effort to be properly dressed, but he still singled out Stephanie as looking the best and called her “My Dear Sweet Princessa” again. They began the class by reviewing what they’d done the last time, and she had to let Christopher touch her shoulder and hold her hand as they went over the steps of the foxtrot.

Once everyone was competently dancing in place in a square, using the correct foot on each beat in the music, they learned how to make the dancing less boring by moving around the ballroom in a big circle as they made their squares. The boys were the only ones who could see where they were going, so it only made sense for them to be in control of when to turn, but it was annoying that they also got to decide when to take big steps forward or to take little steps to the side, and the girls had to pay attention and follow their signals.

They danced for a while, and it got to where they could do it without looking at their feet. Maestro did pick on her a little for not smiling at her partner, but she learned that she could fake smiling at Christopher easily enough by imagining that he was her boyfriend Brian. She wondered if Brian would ever want to dance with her for real. Maybe if she promised him a kiss afterward. Brian seemed to like kissing her even more than she did.

She missed a beat and stepped on Christopher’s toe, and it pulled her out of her daydream. She blushed a little and tried paying better attention. By the time class was over, everyone was more or less looking like they knew what they were doing.

When their time was just about up, the Maestro gathered everyone into the middle of the room. “There is one more piece of business that needs to be taken care of before I can let you all go.” He used his little remote control to dim the lights. “It has come to my attention that tomorrow is a very important day for one of my favorite students. Isn’t that right, Princessa?” He took a slight bow toward Stephanie and hit another button on his remote. Music started, and his receptionist came into the room carrying a sheet cake glowing with lit candles.

Everyone started singing “Happy birthday Dear Princessa,” and Stephanie felt very embarrassed. But she blew out the candles when she was supposed to, and everyone applauded. They went out into the lobby where there were plates and forks and drinks, and the girl sliced up the cake. Maestro apologized that there were only twelve candles, and Stephanie couldn’t tell if he was being serious. She laughed and told him it was okay, and she would just pretend to be twelve.

Steven had never had a surprise birthday party, so this would have been Stephanie’s best birthday ever, even if she didn’t know there were two more parties in her future, one with her little sister and one with her boyfriend. Everyone must have been in on the surprise, because she even got birthday cards from all the other bridesmaids and some of the guys.

Grace said that they weren’t originally going to do anything, since she and Dan and Matt would be celebrating with Stephanie on Sunday at her grandmother’s, (That was a fourth party that Stephanie had completely forgotten about.) but when Shelby found out that it was going to be her birthday, she insisted on getting a cake and everything.

Stephanie thanked Shelby and gave her a little hug, and Shelby introduced her boyfriend Jeff and her daughter Tara, who’d come with the cake. Tara was a very pretty six-year-old who would probably grow up to be just as beautiful as her mother. She said that she picked out the cake, and Stephanie said the pink flowers in the frosting were a good choice. She said that pink was one of her favorite colors, and pointed to her earrings. Also, since Tara was going to be the flower girl, Stephanie trusted her opinion on flowers. Tara had a really big smile at that. She was a really sweet little kid.

Shelby was very impressed with how well she interacted with Tara, and asked if she’d ever be available for baby sitting. Stephanie didn’t know, since she’d never babysat before she’d have to ask her mom. But she exchanged phone numbers with Shelby anyway. When she got home that night her mother and father said they’d have to think about it. Dad in particular was concerned about what would happen if Shelby learned Stephanie’s secret and if it could be construed as criminal fraud if she tried to watch a child without telling her first.

Thursday, Stephanie was awakened by a bleeping noise coming from somewhere. She finally tracked it to her phone, which was sitting on the bureau recharging. It was Michelle calling to wish her a happy birthday at 7:00 in the morning. She told her big sister about her surprise cake at dance class, and how she’d invited Robin for dinner, and how fun shopping for her was.

She asked her sister how her boyfriend was, and Michelle actually passed the phone to Kurt so he could wish her a happy birthday, too. Kurt said he’d been confused and thought Michelle had told him she had a little brother, but he’d seen the pictures of Stephanie with her sister and realized he must have remembered wrong.

Michelle came back on and wished her a good day and said she had to get to breakfast if she was going to make her class on time, so she said goodbye and promised to call again in a few days. She couldn’t say outright since her boyfriend was there but she told Stephanie that she’d been talking to that person she’d told her about and was learning a few things. Stephanie told her sister that she loved her and wished her luck in class before saying goodbye.

Mom had made a really special breakfast with blueberry pancakes and sausages and hash browns. It was quite a feast. Dad had to go to work, but he promised it would be a light day and he should be home early enough to greet Stephanie’s guests. He gave her a little kiss on the top of the head on his way out.

Stephanie’s mother had a treat for her. It had been four weeks since her last visit to the beauty salon, so she was treating her to a special birthday makeover. Stephanie was not sure whether to be happy about that or not, remembering the pain and suffering of the first time.

This time Mom had an appointment of her own, too. So when Stephanie was taken away to get her hair done, Mom wasn’t there to tell the stylist what to do. Stephanie put herself at the mercy of a stranger and told her not to change it too much; she really liked the hairstyle they’d given her last time. The hairdresser calmed her down by saying that she was just in for a wash and a trim and a touch-up on her color. It wasn’t as horrible as she’d remembered it. It even felt really nice when the girl washed her hair. She checked the mirror after and recognized herself, she just was a little blonder and they’d cut back her bangs so the rest of her hair seemed longer.

She got passed off to the torture lady to get her legs waxed again. It still hurt like heck, but it did seem to leave her legs smoother than they’d been lately. The lady doing the wax thinned Stephanie’s eyebrows a little more, and then asked her if there were any other areas she wanted done. Stephanie stared kind of blankly at the question, so the lady had to get specific about what areas she might want done. Stephanie got really embarrassed and felt like a little kid when she had to say that there wasn’t any hair in those areas to remove.

The Asian woman who did Stephanie’s manicure had to start by removing her old acrylic extensions, and then they got cleaned up with some stuff, and then new extensions went on. She picked a bright pink nail polish when asked. The lady cleaned and scrubbed her feet and polished her toenails, too. That was kind of fun.

Then she got taken to a workstation they didn’t use on her the first time. A nice Spanish lady cleaned Stephanie’s face for her, and then wrapped it in a warm, wet towel for a few minutes. Then she cleaned her face again, but with some different stuff that made it feel almost sunburned. Finally, she put lotion on her skin that soothed the stinging.

From there, she got passed to a girl who was going to do Stephanie’s makeup. She told her that she wanted to look nice, but didn’t want her Mom to make her wash it off. The makeup artist, a cool redhead named Ivy who looked around Michelle’s age, said she had a mom herself and understood exactly what Stephanie wanted. When she’d finished, she kind of looked like a girl who was pretty without makeup, even though she was really wearing enough to make her eyes appear bigger, her lips fuller, and her complexion flawless. She thanked Ivy for getting it perfectly right.

She waited in the front of the shop for her mother to be finished. Mom came out looking very glamorous! She had a totally new hairdo, a little shorter but fuller, and a deeper color than it was. She had shiny pink nails with white tips, but hers weren’t as long as Stephanie’s. She wasn’t wearing pantyhose anymore, so she might have gotten painfully waxed just like her daughter. Her makeup was incredible, making her seem younger and prettier than somebody’s Mom was supposed to look.

When they got home, her mother got a little dressed up, but since Stephanie had gotten casual dresses for Robin, she didn’t want to be that fancy. She wore her soft, comfortable red jersey dress. When her legs stopped hurting, she added white tights and put on her black Mary Janes. They were her favorite every day kind of shoes, even if they weren’t as sexy as the ones with more heel. She put on her set of jewelry made of silver chains to jazz her look up a little, but that was it.

When Dad came home early as promised, Stephanie met him at the door with a hug and he told her she looked cute. But then he saw mom and they got all mushy-weird and she thought it best to leave them alone for a while. She went to check on the roast so Mom didn’t have to.

The doorbell rang not long after and Stephanie ran to get it. Bobby and his mother were there. He was holding a big box wrapped in pretty pink paper that had a huge bow on it. She showed them in and took their coats. Mom and Dad took Mrs. Perrone into the living room, and Bobby tried to give Stephanie her present, but she said to leave it with the grownups; there was something she had to show him upstairs first.

She could barely contain her excitement when she brought Bobby up to her room. “I’m glad you could join me for my celebration, but I’d much rather have my honorary little sister Robin.”

Bobby looked really sad. “Yeah, me too. But Daddy took Robin away.”

“I don’t think so. I think she’s still right here waiting to come to my party. Maybe you could help me find her.” Stephanie opened the door and gestured at all the Robin-sized clothes laid out on her bed.

Bobby blinked a couple of times before he understood what was happening. “Are those for me?”

“Sure, Robin. You’re welcome to play dress-up any time you come visit me. My parents and your mom know. It’s okay. Do you know which one you want to wear?”

Robin gave Stephanie a tremendous hug and thanked her a billion times, then started stripping off her boy clothes faster than she would have thought possible. Robin made Stephanie look away until she was a girl again. She could tell by the sound that Robin was using the roll of tape she’d left out, and a minute or so later she could turn around, and saw Robin standing there in her cami and panties. Stephanie showed Robin her options, and she picked white tights and shoes like Stephanie’s and the lighter pink dress. Robin pulled on her tights like she’d been doing it all her life, and only needed a little help adjusting the straps on her slip and getting her dress over her head.

Stephanie showed Robin the best part, and fitted the wig onto her head. Robin looked in Stephanie’s full-length mirror and cried a little. She was a girl again! She thanked Stephanie another billion times. She clipped the earrings onto Robin’s ears (Bobby’s dad hadn’t let her piercings stay open) and put the little angel necklace around her neck.

Robin took the lip gloss Stephanie handed her and applied it expertly, then put the tube in her bag. The girls were ready to show the parents. Robin practically bounced down the stairs. She was beaming widely and couldn’t wait to show her mommy her pretty new dress.

They went down to the living room, and everyone cooed over Robin for a while. She twirled and posed a little, but then settled next to her mother on the couch. Mrs. Perrone suggested that Stephanie open her present, so Robin brought it from the coffee table to Stephanie’s chair. There was a flowery-scented envelope on top of the box. It was a cute card that had Barbie dressed as a ballerina popping up in the middle when she opened it. It was signed “Robin and Kendra Perrone” and she could tell that Robin had written her own name.

The present itself turned out to be a very fancy collectible Barbie doll dressed as an Angel in a gown made by some real designer Stephanie had never heard of. It was really pretty and would look a lot nicer than the doll she currently had sitting on her dresser. She gave Robin a big hug. “Thank you very much. She’s beautiful, and the perfect present for an Angel Princess to give the Angel Queen.” She then had to explain to the grownups that she’d dubbed herself and Robin the queen and princess when she was the oldest angel in the Christmas play and Robin was the youngest.

Most of dinner went well. The food was delicious, and the company was wonderful. It was a really happy birthday for Stephanie.

But then there was some shouting and knocking at the front door. Robin said “Daddy,” and turned white as a sheet.

Stephanie’s father got up and went to the door. He opened the inside door but left the outside glass one locked. They peeked and could see that it was in fact Robin’s father at the door. “You got my wife and kid in there? Tell them they’re coming home.”

Dad held firm. “I’m not going to do that, Bob. They are guests in my home and we’re in the middle of dinner right now.”

“You stay out of this, Tom. I heard that they threw you out of the church for having a pervert kid, and I don’t want that pansy coming anywhere near my boy. So just send my family out before I have to call the cops.”

“Calling the police would not be a good idea for you, Bob. You’re pretty angry, I think you may have been drinking, and you’re trying to break into someone else’s home. That glass is bulletproof — knock on it all you want.”

Robin’s mom called out, “Maybe it would be better if we did leave. I don’t want to cause trouble.” She got up from the table and took Robin’s trembling hand to start to lead her out.

He must have caught a glimpse. “Kendra, what are you doing with that girl? Just get Bobby and get out here!” He figured out what he was seeing a moment later. “Holy shit! You’ve dressed him up again! Your pervy faggot kid is trying to make mine into one, too.”

Stephanie’s father was near his limit. “Bob, I’m going to have to ask you to watch your language. There are children here. Secondly, I’m not going to let your wife and daughter out until you either calm down or leave.”

“I don’t have a daughter and you know that, Tom. So cut the bullshit! You have no right to keep them here. That’s kidnapping.”

“Bob, I’m going to tell you a story. And you’re going to listen, because somewhere in the back of your head you’re going to remember what I do for a living. I have more than a right to keep your family away from you in the state you’re currently in; I have a duty to, as an officer of the court, the family court. Just think about that while you you’re opening your ears if not your mind. When your child arrived at my house this evening, I saw in that face an expression I have seen far more than I wish I had. This child was depressed and hopeless.

“The last time I saw that face was on a thirteen year-old-girl who was being placed into foster care because she’d been severely abused by her stepfather. And to see that face on an eight-year old was heartbreaking! But fortunately, my youngest, who seems to be undergoing a gender identity crisis of her own, had seen in your child a kindred spirit, and knew what would break that depressive funk. A sad little boy went up the stairs, but a delightful, cheerful, lovely young girl came down.

“Have you ever seen your child’s beautiful smile, Bob? I can’t imagine if you had, you’d want to put so much energy into destroying it. Robin is an engaging girl. You have a truly wonderful daughter. Now that beautiful child’s face underwent another change tonight.

“The instant she realized you were at my door, her smiles and laughter fled. Her new expression was unmistakably one of terror. That is also a face I have seen far too often on children in the court. When a child is that terrified of her parent, there is only one conclusion: that child has been abused, Bob.”

“Screw you, Tom. I’ve never done any perverted sex shit to my kid, and you can’t make some cop or judge believe I have.”

“Language, Bob. I wasn’t implying you had been sexually abusive. But you clearly have hurt your child deeply.”

“I have never hit my boy, and you can’t fake some proof. I watch Law & Order. I know how it works; you need medical records of broken bones or scars or something to show I did, and I didn’t, so there’s no evidence.”

“That’s not what I meant either, Bob. (That show has so much to answer for!) Your child has clearly been emotionally traumatized, and even a court-appointed psychologist could see that. I’m talking to you here now, because I don’t think it’s too late. Robin’s awakening was fairly recent, brought on by that messed-up play, and you don’t know how to deal with it.

“I’ve got some articles in my study I’ve printed out that may help you. Maybe she’s really transgendered, maybe he’s just gay, or maybe it’s just harmless experimentation, but how you’ve been handling it is the wrong way in any case.”

“I think your kid messed up my kid is what I think.”

“If you keep that attitude, you will lose your child, and probably her mother, too. If you don’t see any way to act except belligerently, I want you to go home and pack a suitcase, because I will have a restraining order kicking you out of your house in two hours. Judge Norton has a very low tolerance for abusers, and I have her home number.”

“If you do want to save your family, I want you to calm down, and I’ll let you in. If you can greet your daughter warmly, you’ll show me you’re willing to change, and you can stay for a piece of cake. But if you’re not being genuine and just want to play along until you get your family home, Kendra is going to have my number on her speed dial, and I’m prepared to handle any case she wants to file against you pro bono, because our girls are so close.”

Robin’s dad was getting shaky. “So you’re saying my boy is turning into a little sissy faggot and there’s nothing I can do to stop it, and if I try you’ll make me lose my kid anyway?”

“I’m saying your child may be developing an alternate sexuality or gender identity, and if so it’s not something you can beat out of her, and if you try you will no longer deserve to be her parent.”

He sat down on the front step and started weeping. “I just don’t know what to do, Tom. You said you had some articles?”

“Wait there. I’ll go get them.”

He shouted into the house, “Bobby, why don’t you want to be a boy anymore?”

Robin tried to find her voice, to speak up and answer him. “Daddy, it’s like I just didn’t know I was really a girl until I got a chance to try it. Please don’t make me stop.”

“From what he says, it sounds like I can’t stop you.” He started seriously crying.

Dad was carrying a three-ring binder when he went out to Mr. Perrone. “Here are those articles.” He reached down and helped him to his feet. “I really think they’ll help. I don’t think you’re a bad guy, Bob. You’re just experiencing something no one ever prepared you for.”

“Maybe you’re right, Tom.” He pulled his keys out of his pocket, and worked a small brass one off the ring. “Here. Give this to Bobby, I mean Robin. It’s the key to her trunk of dresses and stuff.”

“How about you come in for a piece of cake and a coffee, and you can give it to her yourself?”

It was a very intense, very emotional evening, and didn’t feel like a real birthday party anymore, but eventually Robin’s dad left to go home to get a few things and then spend the weekend at his sister’s, and a couple hours later Robin and her mom left.

Stephanie just cried about how scary the whole thing was, and told her father she hadn’t realized how cool he was. She thanked him for being way more understanding about everything, and thanked her mom for the fun part of her birthday, including getting to be pretty.

She couldn’t get to sleep, so she called her sister and told her the whole story about dinner with Robin and her mother and her scary father, and how their own father defused the situation like a cool action movie guy. He’d crushed an ogre down into a weak and frightened boy just by talking to him.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Steven Brooks was a boy who got in trouble for looking at his Christmas presents and as punishment he was made to dress and live as a girl until school started again. There was an accident and the reopening of school was delayed. More and more it seems like Stephanie will have a difficult time going back. Already she has a boyfriend and a role as a bridesmaid in her cousin’s wedding. Last time, she had her twelfth birthday which didn’t go so well. Her little friend Robin was until recently a boy named Bobby, and when she came over to share Stephanie’s birthday dinner, her father showed up uninvited and yelled and wanted Bobby back, but Stephanie’s father made him go away. In this episode, Stephanie will have a birthday party with her friends from her old Sunday School class in which they attend the movie “Enchanted.” Some slight spoilers of that film are given, but no critical plot points are revealed.

Episode 14

Friday morning at breakfast, Stephanie’s father wanted to make sure she was okay before he left for work. They talked about what had happened the night before, and he apologized to her that her birthday celebration was interrupted. She said that since there was going to be another party with her friends on Saturday, and then dinner at Grandma’s with the cousins on Sunday, it wasn’t like her only celebration got ruined. And it seemed like Robin’s father really needed to hear what Dad had to say, even if it was really scary.

There was something she’d been wondering about. “Daddy, you knew what to do about what was bothering Robin’s father just like I knew what to do about what was bothering Robin. Is that because me being Stephanie makes you as mad as Robin being Robin does to him?”

He put his arm around his daughter. “Honey, I can tell you’ve changed since we started this, and Stephanie really doesn’t seem like a punishment for you. You didn’t seem depressed before, like when your little friend had her girl things taken away, but it does feel like you’ve become more outgoing and friendlier, and just happier in general as Stephanie than you were as Steven. If you need to take some time to figure out who you are, your mother and I are willing to give it to you. We love you and we are your family, regardless of what you’re wearing.”

Stephanie gave him a little kiss on the cheek. “Thanks, Daddy. I don’t think I’m like Robin. I’m not sure I’ll want to be a girl any more than I have to, but it’s nice to know that you’d let me.”

Dad had to get up and go to work. “You have a good day, Kiddo.” He gave her a pat on the head. “We’ll talk some more about how you see yourself next week, after all the birthday hullabaloo is over.” Stephanie got too giggly over Daddy’s silly word that she didn’t really think about what he had said.

Stephanie spent her morning sorting out a décor problem in her room. Her new Angel Barbie, which she got for her birthday from her friend, and her first doll Hannah, that she got for Christmas, did not want to peacefully coexist on her dresser. Angel Barbie was just too pretty, and too important a gift, that she made the old doll look plain and boring. Stephanie moved Hannah to her nightstand, so she’d be closer, but not in her direct view as much as Angel Barbie was. That seemed to be a fair compromise.

She spent most of her afternoon up in her room drawing, but then she got a call from Debbie Washington when she got home from school. She complained that Stephanie was never on the computer ready to chat like she was supposed to. How were they supposed to text about stuff if she was never there? Debbie wanted her to get into the chat thingy right away. It was kind of silly, since whatever she had to text about she could just as easily tell Stephanie while she had her on the phone. She just shrugged it off as something girls must do.

After making sure the computer was available, she hung up and then fired up the chatting program Debbie had recommended. Debbie had to explain a lot of the secret codes and jargons she was using, but she seemed to be very patient with Stephanie. Finally she changed the subject to boys she liked and what makes them cute, and Stephanie started understanding what she was talking about.

She told Debbie about learning to dance with Christopher and how he’s generally a pest but a decent dancer, and talked a little about her boyfriend Brian. Stephanie had heard that it was wrong for a girl to “kiss and tell,” so she tried to keep secret most of the details of exactly what she’d done with Brian. She played it coy but did tell Debbie she liked him and thought he liked her too.

Stephanie told Debbie Brian was going to be at her party, and asked for an opinion on what to wear. Would it be too dressy if Stephanie had on a dress at the cinema for her birthday party? Should she try for something more casual? It was a party, but it was also at a public movie house, so she had no idea what the right dress code would be. She wanted to look nice, but didn’t want to seem like she was trying too hard.

Debbie said that she was going to wear blue jeans and a nice top to the party. It was just more comfortable when you’re going to be sitting in one place for a couple hours. Stephanie had girl jeans she could wear, but she didn’t want to look like a boy. She worried that Brian might not like her if she was in pants. Debbie told her that she was being silly; no one would ever believe that Stephanie wasn’t a girl no matter what she wore. Between her hairstyle, her earrings, her nails, and if she wore a little makeup, she thought Stephanie would look totally girlish, even in jeans.

Debbie did tell Stephanie that as long as she wore a bra and had something filling it out, nobody would suspect that something might be filling out her panties, too. Debbie was probably talking about her padding, but Stephanie gave her chest a little squeeze anyway. She couldn’t feel anything sprouting yet. She had been using those oils for two whole weeks, and still no boobs! Maybe her nipples were a little bigger, but that could have just been her imagination. She wanted to ask Debbie how long it took her to grow hers, but she didn’t want to have to explain why she was asking, and didn’t know if girls really talked about stuff like that, or if it was too private.

She still wasn’t convinced to wear her jeans, so she asked Debbie if a casual skirt would be acceptable, since it would be less formal than a dress, but more girly than pants. She described her various skirts for Debbie. She said the khaki one would look too much like a school uniform, so that one was out. Her black and gray skirts weren’t good either; they weren’t casual enough. Her denim one would be more like jeans, so Debbie thought that one might work, but Stephanie really wanted to wear her red pleated skirt. Debbie said boys liked pleats; they made them think of cheerleaders and Catholic schoolgirls. She warned her that if she really wanted to go with the red skirt to pair it with a very casual top.

So now she had to run all her possible tops by Debbie for approval. Stephanie thought that she could wear her pink t-shirt with the lacy trim, but Debbie said that she’d heard that you shouldn’t put pink and red together unless you want to look all “Valentiney.” Stephanie tried suggesting her white turtleneck instead, but apparently that was just as wrong a combination. Debbie said that a light blue top would be better, but Stephanie didn’t have one. She asked if her purple tank top would be okay, and Debbie said the color could work as long as it was the same tone as the red, but a tank might be too cold in the theater. Stephanie described her cute raspberry top with the edging like lasagna noodles, and Debbie sent her a little smiley face. She said it sounded like a good choice.

Debbie asked her what she was going to wear for shoes, and Stephanie first impulse would be her black patent Mary Janes, but Brian’s friends said they looked like school uniform shoes, which is bad. So she thought maybe her pink sneakers would work better if she was trying to casual it up, but she wasn’t sure if socks or tights would be better to keep her legs warm during the movie. Were tights okay with sneakers? Debbie said that tights and sneakers can look cool together, as long as they were a strong color and not white. Ideally, she’d want the same color as her top, but Stephanie didn’t have raspberry tights. Debbie said black would be fine, so she was all set.

He mother came to get her for dinner, and Stephanie hadn’t realized that she’d been on the computer for an hour. She said goodbye to Debbie, and said she’d see her Saturday. Mom asked her a bunch of questions about what she’d been doing online, and Stephanie explained as best she could how the instant messaging thing worked. Mom looked over at the screen and saw some of the weird code words that Debbie had been using, and it all just looked like gobbledygook to her. Mom’s silly words were almost as funny as Dad’s and Stephanie got the giggles again.

After a really good dinner of pork chops and baby potatoes, Dad surprised Stephanie with a really tasty dessert. He’d stopped at a bakery on his way home from work, and bought some yummy chocolate éclairs! He apologized that Stephanie’s actual birthday hadn’t been exactly a happy one.

Then mom brought out a huge, beautifully wrapped package in pretty paper covered in roses. She said they didn’t think it would have been appropriate to give Stephanie her present after all the tension from Robin’s dad crashing the party, so they waited for a happier time. She said that they’d already gotten her a phone and two parties and that was plenty, but they insisted that she open her present.

Stephanie tried to be as careful with the paper as her mother usually was, and made sure to slowly unwrap her gift. But then inside were a bunch of other little wrapped gifts. They were in several different colors of paper.

Dad explained, “You’ve been through some confusing times lately. There’s a part of you that’s Stephanie, and so we’ve got some special things that you could enjoy as a girl; those are the pink ones. But there’s a part of you that’s still Steven in there somewhere, and the blue ones are things we hoped you might appreciate as our only son. And I think both sides of you could get something out of the purple ones.”

Stephanie wasn’t sure if it was a test. Did they want to see which color she’d open first? She took all the little packages out and lined them up on the table. There were four little pink packages, two medium-sized blue ones, and three flat purple ones. She opened the purples. They were three cool-looking games for the Nintendo Wii system that started this whole mess.

Mom said that they hadn’t seen her playing with it since they set it up, and she said she thought it was because the contract said that Steven couldn’t play with the game he got for Christmas until after school started. But since these were new games, maybe Stephanie would feel comfortable playing them. Dad even thought the race-car one might be fun to play with two players.

Stephanie told her parents she’d save the blue ones for last because there were only two of them and they felt important. The pink ones turned out to be really nice. It was a set of actual jewelry, not just plastic beads but real jewels! They had garnets, which were Stephanie’s birthstone, along with tiny diamond chips in fancy gold settings. She got beautiful drop earrings, a lovely pendant, a delicate bracelet, and a ring with a little formation of baby diamonds around a big garnet in the middle. It was gorgeous, but she wasn’t sure when she’d have an opportunity to wear such fancy stuff. Maybe at dance class, to show off in front of Christopher. She gave her mom a big hug.

One of the blue presents was a cool model kit of a car that had real metal parts! Dad probably had picked this out before he found out Stephanie was going to be around for the birthday. She told him it looked like it would be a good challenge to make, and said that just maybe it would get put together before Steven came back.

The last blue package was very special. It was a special wooden box containing an old jackknife with a fancy handle that had pearly bits on the sides and a brass thing on the end engraved with a cursive letter B.

Dad said that, “I know you never met him, but that knife once belonged to your grandfather. And he gave it to me when I turned twelve. I know you’re not really the outdoorsy type, but I know you like to make things, and in that box there you’ll also see a book that’s the Boy Scouts’ Guide to Whittling. If you’re interested I could show you what my dad taught me to do.” He was almost crying. Steven and his father had never really connected, but he was always trying to.

Stephanie gave her father a big hug and fought back a sniffle of her own. “Thank you, Daddy. I will treasure this, and make sure I take proper care of it. I won’t let it break or rust or anything. We’ve got all those parties and stuff all weekend, so maybe next week you could show me, or Steven, or whatever. He’s supposed to be back next week.”

Mom came and joined in the hug. “You are our child whoever you choose to be, and we will always love you.”

Stephanie left her games in the living room, but took her other presents upstairs. She was really confused as she got ready for bed. It really seemed like Dad was ready to have his son back, but maybe Mom wasn’t. Someone had to have bought that expensive jewelry, and Stephanie was supposed to be going away in three days, and only come back for dance class and wedding stuff. Sometimes they were acting as though Stephanie was like Robin and wanted to be a girl forever. But she didn’t, did she? She shook off the idea and instead went back to massaging tea tree oil into her little pink nipples to encourage them to grow, and let her thoughts stray to wondering what her boyfriend was going to get her for her birthday.

Saturday morning she woke up nervous about her party. It would mean being out in public with a lot of people who knew her secret. At least she didn’t have to be nervous about what to wear, thanks to her chat session with Debbie the previous day. She started with her prettiest padded bra and a nice pair of panties, then pulled on her black tights with the stripes. She stepped into her red pleated skirt and zipped it up, then pulled on her “raspberry lasagna” top.

She wore her hair loose but fluffed it up with her brush. She put in her new garnet earrings, but didn’t want to go too fancy, so left the rest of the set in their boxes and just wore a plain gold chain necklace. She didn’t want Mom to complain, so she kept her makeup really minimal: a couple strokes of brown mascara on each eye, and a healthy coating of Brian’s favorite strawberry lip gloss.

Her morning was pretty much a blur. She was almost too nervous to eat breakfast, but by lunch time she was hungry enough that it didn’t matter. She gobbled her chicken salad sandwich and potato chips a little too fast; it almost reminded her mother of how her son used to eat. But when she finished and dabbed her mouth with her napkin and then refreshed her lip gloss, Stephanie was back.

Mom left first because she had to pick up the cake along the way. Dad was going to the party but wouldn’t be staying for the movie, so they took separate cars. The Birthday Girl got to ride with him. Stephanie was very nervous, and checked her look in the mirror three times to make sure she looked authentic. She also double-checked her purse to make sure she had everything.

The theater had a special room for parties off the lobby. It had a big table and some chairs set up, and there was a multicolored “Happy Birthday” banner on the wall. Mom told Stephanie to stand by the doorway to greet her guests, making sure to thank each one for coming.

Debbie showed up first, wearing a pair of jeans and a tight blue t-shirt with a pair of white doves printed on the front. Her hair was in loose waves across her shoulders, and it seemed like she had just enough makeup to call attention to her striking green eyes. She gave Stephanie a hug hello and told her she looked pretty, and then handed her a small package wrapped in cute polka-dot paper. Mom took the present and set it aside, and showed Debbie the table where there was a big bowl of popcorn and a little one of M&Ms. An usher with a tray of various sodas asked her what she wanted to drink and she picked a Diet Coke. Stephanie couldn’t see any fat on Debbie’s body that didn’t belong there, so it seemed weird for her to be dieting.

Kayla Wright was the next to arrive. Her mother had a quiet conversation with Stephanie’s, probably just about when to come back to pick her up but it made Stephanie feel a little too self-aware. Steven hadn’t known Kayla very well, and she wasn’t as outgoing with Stephanie as some of the other girls. She was tall and skinny, like her bones were growing faster than she could keep meat on them. She wore a pink party dress that was probably a little too small for her, but it’s kind of hard to tell with dresses; when a boy’s legs grow too long for his pants they turn into high-waters and he looks like a dork, but when a girl’s legs grow her hemline just gets higher and she shows more leg like a model. Her dusty brown hair was done up in pigtails tied with little pink bows. It looked cute, but little girl cute, not teenager cute. Her mom probably dressed her. She seemed really nervous.

Stephanie smiled brightly and thanked her for coming to the party. She wasn’t sure how girls that didn’t know each other that well shared a greeting. Should she give Kayla a hug like Debbie gave her? She took the little purple package from Kayla so her hands would be too busy to do anything, and directed her toward the refreshments. She watched and saw that Debbie didn’t give Kayla a hello hug, so that probably was the right call. The present went next to Debbie’s and Stephanie returned to her post as hostess.

Kimberly Stevens and Danielle Baker shared a ride and came to the party together. Danielle looked like something from another world. She had really pale skin, almost pink, and fine long hair the color of straw, but what you really noticed about her was her impossibly blue eyes. She wore a spooky black billowy lace dress, and her slender body moved with the grace of a dancer.

Kimberly was almost the complete opposite. Her parents had adopted her from China or something when she was a baby, so she didn’t have an accent or anything. She was shorter and a little chubbier than the other girls. Her shiny black hair was longer even than Danielle’s, and she wore it pulled back with cute little barrette’s with flowers on them. She wore a purple t-shirt trimmed in white lace, and a pair of blue jeans.

Stephanie greeted them both, (Kimberly went in for the hug) and her mother took their beautifully wrapped gifts. Stephanie was starting to get worried. The room was filling up and her boyfriend hadn’t shown up yet. Had Brian chickened out and decided not to come to her party?

She perked up when she thought she saw a boy walking through the lobby in her direction, but when “he” got closer she saw that it was just Elizabeth Patterson. She kind of looked like a boy since she had a short hairstyle and was wearing a loose t-shirt, faded jeans, and grungy old sneakers. She didn’t seem to be wearing any makeup, and her only jewelry was a tiny pair of gold studs in her ears. Stephanie tried not to look disappointed and smiled at her guest. Elizabeth told her she was very pretty, and handed her a cylindrical yellow package that was heavier than she expected.

It was almost time for the party to start when finally Brian showed up. He almost ran across the lobby, and apologized greatly for being late. Stephanie told him he was just on time, and gave him a little hello kiss on the cheek. He was even kind of dressed up, in a striped sweater over a real shirt with a collar and he had on a nice pair of black slacks and real shoes. He handed her a tiny little pink box, that seemed sloppily wrapped enough that he might have done it himself.

Mom said it was time for the party games, and she went to break out the “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” set she’d brought, but the usher stopped her and said that pretending that she thought the kids would like something that lame was a great joke. He winked at Stephanie and reached into his vest pocket to hand each of them five tokens that they could use in the theater’s arcade.

Kimberly grabbed Stephanie’s hand and led her over to this dancing game that was her favorite. It had a special platform where you had to step on certain spots when the screen told you to. All the girls took turns playing. Kayla seemed a little too shy to try, but Stephanie went out of her way to encourage her to give it a shot. Danielle was the best; she never made any mistakes, but Kayla was a close second. Elizabeth only went once, but it really wasn’t her thing. She and Brian got in these little booths where they could race cars against each other.

When everyone had run out of tokens, the usher escorted them back to the party room, where Mom had gotten the cake ready. It was a sheet cake covered in white icing with little swoopy things and flowers in pink and green and a big “Happy Birthday Stephanie” in red letters. The theater wouldn’t allow candles, but there were a couple of weird battery-operated lights that would somehow still turn off if you blew on them. Stephanie took a deep breath, made a wish (that her botanical oils would hurry up and start working their magic), and blew them out.

She’d expected yellow cake, but it turned out to be chocolate. It was very delicious. The girls were all happy about the chocolate cake, and Brian even said that chocolate was his second favorite flavor, after strawberry. Stephanie knew what he was referring to, and hoped that no one noticed her blushing.

After the cake, it was time for Stephanie to open her presents. She tried to set Brian’s little gift aside for last without calling too much attention to it. That put Elizabeth’s round heavy package on top, so she started with that. The card had a cartoon cat holding a bunch of balloons that popped out when you opened it; it was kind of neutral, not specifically a cart for a boy or for a girl. She had signed it, “Happy Birthday! — Eli.”

The present was a round box that looked to be made from a single piece of wood. If you gave the lid a quarter turn, it opened. The inside was lined with fuzzy green stuff, and there was a mirror glued to the back of the cover. Elizabeth said it was a jewelry box, but Stephanie could just use it for secret treasures when she went back to being a boy. Stephanie didn’t want to think about that, especially around Brian, so she told Elizabeth that it was very pretty and she’d gotten some real jewels from her parents for her birthday and now she had somewhere to put them. Elizabeth smiled broadly and said that she’d made it herself, with just a little help from her dad on the latch. Stephanie was doubly impressed. She hadn’t realized Elizabeth was so crafty. Steven had made plastic models but had never really gotten into woodworking. Stephanie almost started talking to her about making stuff, but then remembered there was still a pile of presents to get through.

Danielle’s card had a photo of some girl on the front singing into a microphone. Stephanie thought she looked kind of familiar, like she was famous. The inside part was a list of Seven Things to Love About Your Birthday, which was kind of cute. The little square present turned out to be a CD of Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus in concert. She wasn’t sure who they were, but one of them was the girl on the card. She told Danielle she wasn’t that familiar with them, and asked if she’d know any songs from either of them.

Everyone laughed and Danielle explained that they were the same person, and then she started singing this “Seven Things” song and now the card made more sense. The rest of the girls all joined in, so she really felt out of touch. It even looked like Brian was kind of mouthing the words but pretending not to. Stephanie was kind of left out, but it was cool having a roomful of people singing for her. She clapped when they finished, and told Danielle that did sound like a fun song to dance to. She fluttered her eyelashes at her Daddy said that now she’d need a CD player for her room. Everyone laughed.

Kimberly’s card looked hand-made, like the kind Stephanie’s Aunt Jeannie makes with her stamping and scrapbooking skills. It said “Happy Birthday, Steph! Love, Kim” on the inside, and had a lot of sparkle to it. Her present was a blank book made of really nice paper, and a package of glittery pens in a multitude of colors. Kimberly said that every girl needed a journal, and Stephanie thought that writing down stuff about her life might be a good idea. She thanked Kimberly with a little hug.

Just like her outfit, Kayla’s card seemed aimed at someone younger. It had some cartoon girls with big heads and trampy clothes that said they were the “Bratz” wishing her a happy birthday. Her present was a stuffed animal, a fluffy white kitty. Stephanie actually kind of liked that. She thought it would look nice sitting on her bed between the pillows, and it was really soft to pet. They hadn’t had any pets since Mr. Mittens went away, and it was nice having a cat again. But it was actually more than a toy, as Kayla told her that it was a “Webkin” and Stephanie could go online and enter a code from the tag and create a whole virtual world for her kitty. It sounded kind of cool; Stephanie liked the idea of stepping away from the real world for a while.

Debbie’s card was more grownup. The girl on the front was some kind of funky teenager dancing and the inside told her to “party out on her B-day.” Debbie had enclosed a little credit card thing from the phone company in the card. She said it was so Stephanie could have some more air time on her phone so she could text message Debbie without feeling guilty. Mom seemed to like that, but Dad was kind of frowning. He told Stephanie to make sure she kept track of her minutes.

Debbie’s present present was another CD. It was the soundtrack to “Enchanted,” the movie they were about to watch. She’d already seen the movie, but it was good enough to go twice, and she said Stephanie would really like the music. Of course, now she definitely needed a CD player in her room. Debbie moved so she could get a thank you hug, too.

Brian’s card was kind of mushy. It said “To a special girl” and had roses on it. He didn’t sign “Love” or “XOXO” or anything, just “Brian,” but she knew. The little box had a silver charm bracelet in it. It was really pretty. Brian said that she could add more charms to represent Stephanie’s significant moments. It already had a little angel charm for the Christmas pageant that started it all, and a little tennis racket to symbolize the Nintendo Wii that got her in trouble. The last one was a little birthday cake with one candle, since this was Stephanie’s first birthday party, but before that was a little silver model of the Eiffel Tower. Brian said that was to commemorate Stephanie’s first date. She thought meant that Eiffel Tower was something French like the kissing they did and had a moment of panic about how to explain it to her parents, but then Brian told everyone that they had watched a DVD of Ratatouille, and that made sense. Stephanie would still think of it as representing the other thing. She gave Brian a kiss in appreciation, on the lips but with her mouth closed. He blushed a little, but she saw him lick his lips to taste the strawberries. Stephanie asked him to help her clasp the bracelet around her wrist, even though she probably could have done it herself.

Dad looked at his watch and asked the usher how long they had before the movie started. He said they had about fifteen minutes, so if anyone needed to use the restroom they should go. Debbie said they had to go to the ladies’ room, and pulled Stephanie along. Kimberly helped to herd the others in, too. Elizabeth seemed very reluctant but went anyway. Mom stayed behind to clean up the space. Dad gathered the presents to take them home. Brian went off to the restroom by himself.

In the ladies’ room, Debbie started cross-examining Stephanie. She could believe that she’d kissed Brian like that right in front of everyone. Stephanie tried to tell her that it was no big deal; they hadn’t opened their mouths or anything. That got all the girls’ attention. None of them had any experience with French kissing and wanted her to describe it. Stephanie realized too late that she’d said too much, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it. She tried to put into words how it felt to kiss with tongues, but she couldn’t really.

Elizabeth seized the opportunity and said that if they wanted to know what a kiss felt like there was an easy way to find out. She planted her lips on Stephanie’s and gave her a big wet kiss. Elizabeth’s tongue touched her lips, and she parted them ever so slightly. It wasn’t quite the same as kissing Brian but it wasn’t a bad feeling either. Stephanie was confused and very embarrassed.

Debbie wanted a turn, but Kimberly kissed her first, and then Danielle kissed Kayla, and it was very weird in the ladies’ room. Some old lady came out of a stall and they had to stop, but dissolved into an explosion of giggles instead. Stephanie commented that Elizabeth looked better with lip gloss, and they all giggled again. They had to wait for Kayla, who actually needed to use the facility, but then they went out to meet Stephanie’s mom and Brian and the usher, who were waiting for them.

The usher brought them into the theater. They had their own row. Stephanie made Brian go in first, then she followed, then Debbie, then Kimberly, then Elizabeth, then Kayla, then Mom. Bags of popcorn and drinks were passed down, and everyone settled in to enjoy the show.

The movie started as a cartoon, sort of a cross between Cinderella and Snow White, and it seemed like it was for little kids. But then the Princess (well, she wasn’t a princess yet, but you could tell she was going to be) started singing about kissing her true love, and that was kind of interesting. Stephanie wanted to sneak a kiss with Brian, but she thought her Mom was watching.

Not long after that the Wicked Queen Stepmother put a spell on the Princess and suddenly she’s in New York and she’s not a cartoon anymore. She was a beautiful girl in a really pretty wedding dress, and it showed off her boobs nicely. Brian seemed a little more interested. Maybe if her herbal oils started actually working, he’d like hers too.

In New York, the Princess ran into that dreamy doctor from the show Mom likes, and she wasn’t watching Stephanie anymore, but now Brian was watching the Princess’ boobs so she still couldn’t steal a kiss. She sang a song and had rats and cockroaches helping her clean the doctor’s (In the movie he wasn’t a doctor; he actually was a divorce lawyer like Stephanie’s dad. It’s too bad they left him at home.) apartment, and that was kind of icky, so Stephanie had to grab Brian’s arm to protect her from the bugs and stuff.

The Prince turned into a real person too, but he wasn’t as nice looking as the Princess. He had a little kind of real / kind of cartoony chipmunk with him that Brian thought was funny. And then this fat weasely guy working for the queen turned into a real person, too.

It was sweet and romantic, and you couldn’t tell if the Princess is going to end up with Dreamy Doctor Lawyer or the Prince, and then the Wicked Queen Stepmother showed up and there was a big dragon and it got all scary, and Stephanie had to hang onto Brian for real, and she looked away a couple times, and one of the times she was looking away he thought she was turning her face to him, so he kissed her quickly and she didn’t think her mom saw. It was nice, and they were talking about True Love’s Kiss in the movie, and Stephanie just kind of melted.

Mom wasn’t looking, but Debbie certainly was. She gaped at Stephanie, and nudged Kimberly, but by the time she looked Brian and Stephanie were no longer lip-locked, although they were holding hands.

The movie had a perfectly happy ending, and it really put Stephanie in the mood to want to snuggle her boyfriend, but the lights came on and Mom started gathering everyone up. The girls all had to go to the ladies’ room again, but this time Mom came with them. Stephanie could tell that Debbie really wanted to ask her about Brian, but she knew not to talk in front of her mother.

It was crowded in the bathroom so they had to take turns using the same stall. Stephanie thought about how Brian had probably already been in and out of the men’s room while she was still waiting in line. At least there would be one positive thing about going back, when she had to.

When they were all done, Mom herded the girls out to where Brian was waiting, and then brought them all out to the front of the theater to wait for their parents. Instead of the traditional “goodie bags” that moms pass out to party guests, she gave each of them a coupon book from the cinema, with free movies and discounts on the snacks and stuff. All in all, it was a pretty good day.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock On December 21, young Steven Brooks got in trouble with his parents and looked at his Christmas presents early. He made a deal with his parents to dress and act as a girl until school started in order to keep his new Nintendo Wii. Due to an accident, the school opening was delayed. It’s now Sunday, January 20, and Stephanie has been a girl for almost a month, and it really doesn’t seem like a punishment anymore. She’s got a boyfriend; she’s made some friends; she’s volunteered to be a junior bridesmaid in her cousin’s wedding; she’s interested in becoming a babysitter. And for the past two weeks she’s been trying to grow breasts. The school is supposed to be opening on Tuesday — will Steven be back? But first, Stephanie gets to celebrate her recent twelfth birthday with a party at her grandmother’s, on top of the other three parties she’s already had.

Episode 15

She was a Princess. A pile of blonde curls spilled out from under a sparkly little crown-thing. Her beautiful white gown was as wide as a church bell at the bottom, but at the top it held her tight with a nicely scooped out neckline showing off her impressive cleavage. She danced with her Prince at the ball for hours, until he finally got up the nerve to lean in for a kiss. She pursed her delicate lips and closed her eyes…

“Up and at them, Sleepyhead!” Mom was shaking Stephanie awake. “Your father wants to try out a new church this morning, and we don’t want to be late. Make sure you dress up nice.”

Stephanie rubbed her eyes and tried to wake up faster. A little too slowly for her mother, she scooted over and sat on the edge of her bed to put on her slippers. Mom grabbed her robe for her and helped her put it on, and then she shuffled off to the bathroom. Halfway through her bath, her mother knocked on the door and told her to hurry up. She made sure everything was clean, rinsed off, rushed through her ritual anointing with lavender oil, and did the best she could to make the hair dryer go faster.

Back in her room, her mother had laid out what she was supposed to wear. Stephanie figured that the new church must be kind of stuffy, because Mom had picked a really boring outfit: her white blouse, black skirt, white tights, black Mary Janes, and her light blue button-up sweater as the only bit of color. He mother had at least let her choose her own underwear. She knew the white blouse would need a camisole underneath, so she stuck to all-white with one of her padded bras, white panties, and a white half-slip as well.

She chose her jewelry set with the silver stars, and kept her make-up to just a little bit of pink lip gloss, and put the tube in her black patent leather handbag along with her phone, which she made sure to turn off first. She slid a white plastic headband over her hair and she was ready to go.

There was no time for a full breakfast so Stephanie had to eat a piece of peanut butter toast in the car. They got on the highway and drove three towns away, which seemed kind of far to go to a church; there were churches everywhere. She figured that there must be something very special about the one Dad wanted to go to. After her mother told her that there wouldn’t be much of a chance of running into anyone they knew, Stephanie realized that they were doing this for her sake. They were going far away so the people there wouldn’t know that she wasn’t really a girl. She felt guilty for causing so much trouble.

After a drive with more traffic than ought to be out on a Sunday morning, they pulled into the parking lot of The First Baptist Church of Morton. Mom picked out a pew near the back, and they kept to themselves mostly. Stephanie had to sit with her parents all through the service; they didn’t want to drop her into a Sunday School class for just one session without being sure if they’d be coming back. Grownup church was kind of boring, but it wasn’t that bad. They had a big fancy pipe organ and the music was nice.

The sermon was actually pretty decent. In honor of Monday being Martin Luther King Day, it was all about brotherhood and acceptance of people’s differences. The minister even mentioned extending Christian compassion to homosexuals, so she knew he’d be less likely to get as uptight as Pastor Moore, even if he didn’t say anything specifically about girls who are really boys.

On their way out, the minister shook their hands and said it was always nice to see new faces in the congregation, especially pretty ones. He had a big smile and winked at Stephanie. It was really embarrassing. He invited them to share in their refreshments, but Dad declined the offer. They got back in the car for the long drive home. Stephanie tried asking her folks what they thought about the service, but there seemed to be some unspoken tension between the two of them. When they got home they went into their room and talked loudly at each other for a while behind a closed door.

Stephanie remembered to turn her phone back on and saw that she had a text message from Debbie: “Nu ss tchr sux. Hvn fun adgo?” She didn’t know what that meant. She called her up (on the land line) and asked.

Debbie laughed when heard the question. “I said the new Sunday School teacher sucks, and wondered if it was more fun for you ‘actively defying God’s order.’ They’ve got Mrs. Cooper teaching our class now, and she isn’t very good at it. She’s trying way too hard to be cool and hip and failing miserably.”

“Oh. We tried going to another church today over in Morton.”

“How was it?”

“They seemed cool. The guy did a sermon about tolerance because of the holiday, and included gays in the mix. Way cooler than ‘defying God’s order.’ So, is your family planning anything special for tomorrow?”

“Huh?”

“You know, in honor of Martin Luther King?”

“Oh, yeah. Right, it is the great day when all my people gather to remember Dr. King. We’re probably going down to the ghetto to visit my Grizzamma and she’ll have cooked up a big batch of chitlins and greens, and hopefully my fourteen-year-old cousin Laquinta will be there and we can see her new baby. Maybe this one will be better looking than the other two; his Daddy was certainly finer than either of theirs. I’m not sure whether her brother Tyrone is supposed to get out of jail or not, but if he is I’m sure he’ll bring his crew round. At sundown we’ll gather on the stoop and spill a forty for Martin and Malcolm and all the other homies who came before us, know what I’m sayin’?” She waited a bit for Stephanie to reply, but when she didn’t Debbie just laughed uncontrollably. “Damn, Girl! You really are white, aren’t you? This holiday’s just another day off, really. Me and my Mom are probably just going to the mall to catch the sales. My Dad’s not going to spill a forty, but he probably will say something nice about Dr. King during grace before dinner tomorrow.”

“Your family says grace?”

“Sure, every meal. Doesn’t yours? Oh, right, you’re godless heathens now! I forgot.” She was cracking up again.

Debbie eventually calmed down enough to give Stephanie a thorough cross-examination about how far she’d gotten in her relationship with Brian. She tried to answer honestly without revealing too much. She wasn’t sure how many details a real girl would share with her friend. Stephanie wasn’t sure how long she’d been on the phone when Mom called her that it was time for lunch, and she realized how hungry she was. She said goodbye and promised to message Debbie later.

Lunch was a simple meal of tuna sandwiches and tossed salad, but it was like a feast to her poor empty tummy! She earned a look from her mother for eating too fast like a hungry boy, and had to slow down and eat delicately like a well-mannered young lady. She tried to make up for it by helping to clear the table when they were finished.

After lunch she went up to room and listened to one of her new CD’s. She’d found her sister’s old portable stereo in her closet attic space and had borrowed it. Her “Miley and Hannah” disk had some fun songs that really made her want to get up and dance. The stuffy church outfit she was in wasn’t made for moving around, so she took off her skirt and blouse and had fun wiggling and shaking to the beat in just her cami and half-slip.

She was surprised when her door opened and her Dad came in. He saw what she was wearing and turned his eyes away and got all flustered. He said that he’d come up to see if Stephanie wanted to play a game on the Wii, but she was busy so he started backing out. She told him that sounded fun, and said she’d be right down as soon as she changed.

She took off her slip and pulled on her good jeans, but then realized that the waistband of her tights was sticking out at the top, and she probably needed to switch to hipster panties. So she had to get even more naked in order to get dressed. Once she got her pants on, she swapped her camisole for a pink t-shirt with lace trim, and slid her feet into a pair of ankle socks and then her pink sneakers.

While touching up her lip gloss, she saw that the white headband really didn’t really go with the rest of her outfit, so she swapped it for her pink one. She wasn’t completely satisfied with how the silver star jewelry worked with everything, so she changed them all for the pink beaded set her Aunt Jeannie had made.

She trotted down to the family room and Dad looked at his watch and rolled his eyes, muttering something about women just above his breath. She gave him a little kiss on the cheek anyway, and then grabbed the other wiimote. She struck a pose and issued a challenge to take him on in Wii tennis. He laughed and accepted.

After she totally kicked his butt at tennis, they played this silly game about riding cows around a racetrack and crashing into scarecrows. Stephanie was having too much fun steering her cow off the road to catch up with her father, and he won the race easily. It was a stupid little game that didn’t make any sense, but it was a lot of fun. They were both laughing so loudly that Mom came to see what was so funny, but she didn’t really get it when they tried to show her.

At any rate, Mom said that Stephanie needed to think about starting to get ready for her birthday dinner at her grandmother’s. She’d need to change into something nice again, but it didn’t have to be the boring outfit she wore to church. She asked her mother whether she needed to dress up really fancy, and Mom decided she’d help her pick out what to wear.

They both went up to look in her closet. Stephanie’s first choice was the fancy pink dress she’d gotten for Robin’s tea party, but Mom said it wasn’t that formal a party. So then she tried the sophisticated navy blue dress she’d worn to Brian’s for New Year’s. Mom rated that one a “maybe,” but thought it might not be relaxed enough for family. Stephanie then tried her purple striped dress, and her mother finally approved it.

Mom wanted her to go back to the tights and Mary Janes she’d worn that morning, but Stephanie thought that would make her look more like a little kid and since it was her birthday she ought to try for something a little more grown up. She preferred going with pantyhose and her black pumps. Her mother thought about it for a couple minutes and decided she was right; twelve was old enough for heels and hose.

Stephanie really wanted to show off her new jewelry with the garnets, but they both agreed that they were a little too much for the occasion, and they didn’t go perfectly with her dress. Mom said she could compromise bye just wearing the earrings, and go with a plain gold necklace and bracelet. But a rummage through Stephanie’s jewelry box showed that all her other stuff was silver.

Stephanie was disappointed that she couldn’t wear any of her pretty new things, so her mother saved the day by lending her a gold chain necklace and bracelet of her own. They did work well with everything, and she thanked her with a big hug. All dressed up and put together, they tried a few different options for her hair, but ultimately decided to just let it loose.

The only real clash they had was when Stephanie started to put on her makeup. She wanted to go mature and sophisticated, but Mom said that would be way too much for dinner at her grandmother’s. They compromised, and Stephanie got to wear her brown mascara and eyeliner, but her mother put it on her so it wouldn’t be too heavy, and she gave her a light dusting of blush on her cheeks. Stephanie did get to pick out her own lip gloss, and she chose a glittery one.

She asked her Mom if she had enough time to change her nail polish, and they did but she’d have to help her so it would go faster. They went with a burgundy that matched the garnet earrings. Stephanie thought it looked more grown up than the baby pink she’d had on her fingers before. Mom even did it like a pro, with two layers of color and then a topcoat.

Mom thought Stephanie looked so nice that she needed to change too. Stephanie offered return the gesture and help her pick out something to wear. She couldn’t do anything with her hands while her nails were drying, so she sat on Mom’s bed and gave opinions when she held up dresses from her closet.

She decided to take Stephanie’s advice, and chose a nicely flowing soft dress with a loosely draped neckline. It was a sharp blue that brought out the color in her eyes. She surprised Stephanie by taking off her church dress and changing into the new one in front of her, and she didn’t even make her leave when she noticed that her bra was showing and had to switch to one that showed more cleavage.

It was weird that it didn’t feel creepy or anything seeing her mother’s breasts; she mostly felt envious that hers still weren’t growing. Maybe the herbal oils didn’t work, or maybe it just took a long time for boobs to grow. In the meantime, it was fascinating seeing how much a different bra could change the shape of Mom’s chest. The new one kind of squooshed her breasts together, but at the same time made them look bigger and rounder. She was sure that Dad would think Mom looked sexy in the blue dress with those showing.

She also put on higher heels than she’d worn to church, explaining that the more you needed to arch your foot, the better it made your legs look. Suffering for beauty was all part of being a woman. Mom changed her jewelry to some really cool pieces that featured gold filigree dangly things in a paisley shape. She freshened up her makeup, and Stephanie thought she did her own a little fancier than she’d done hers.

Then they went to tell Dad to put his jacket and tie back on. It was easy for guys to get dressed up; there weren’t so many levels of formal vs. casual. But it’s also kind of boring and less fun, and also they don’t have as much control over stuff. Like when Mom could pick a dress that showed off her boobs or revealed more or less leg, or how women get so many different options for how much arm to show; they could go sleeveless or cap sleeves or short sleeves or three-quarter sleeves, or long sleeves, or even sleeves that flare out past the wrist. But when they get dressed up men always have to wear sleeves to their wrists and pants to their ankles and tight collars around their necks. Dressing would be easier when she went back to being Steven, but she would probably miss all the options.

Dad said that Stephanie looked nice, but then he noticed Mom’s dress and kind of forgot that she was there. He tried to give his wife a big smooch but she turned away from him so he wouldn’t mess her makeup. It was cool that her parents were still into each other unlike so many broken homes out there, but it was embarrassing to watch. Stephanie thought about Robin’s messed up relationship with her father, and wondered if there was hope for saving their family. She made a mental note to give her a call after the weekend.

Dad went to warm up the car so his “lovely ladies” wouldn’t be uncomfortable. Sometimes girls really got a nice deal. They got to take their time getting their coats on and gave themselves one last check in the hall mirror before strolling out to the car. Stephanie wondered if she could be as pretty as her mother when she grew up. Wait, Steven wasn’t supposed to grow up to be a lady, but a man. This whole girl thing was really messing with Stephanie’s brain.

When they got to Grandma’s, Dad continued his chivalry by opening the doors for each of his ladies and helping them out of the car. He offered his arm to Stephanie to walk her to the door, but that just seemed too weird. Mom got to cling to him instead. Her grandmother met her at the door and told her she was getting prettier every time she saw her. Stephanie blushed and thanked her.

They hung up their coats and went into the living room. Mom’s dress earned a low wolf whistle from her cousin Dan, which earned him a poke in the arm from his future sister-in-law. Grace was looking as beautiful as ever, a blonde angel that seemed to glow from within. She smiled at Stephanie and told her she looked nice, and a warm feeling spread through her.

They had some light chitchat, and it was going great until Aunt Jeannie asked Mom about Stephanie’s party the day before, and she told her that trying to keep six girls and a boy together was quite a chore. Aunt Jeannie thought the boy she’d mentioned was Steven, but Mom had to go out of her way to explain that Stephanie had a boyfriend, and it was really embarrassing.

The only cool part was when Grace asked her to thank Brian (whose name had already come up) for letting his girl go dancing with her little brother every other Wednesday, and said that Christopher had been saying nice things about her at home; he’d be so disappointed to know she was taken.

Grandma had made a nice roast for dinner that was really good but almost too filling. There was a cake, but nobody wanted any right away, except for Dan. They decided to go do presents in the living room and then come back for cake afterward. Stephanie hadn’t even thought about getting more presents.

The gifts were interesting. Aunt Jeannie had made this cool scrapbook of fake memories. She’d taken some old pictures of Steven from throughout his life and PhotoShopped them into pictures from Stephanie’s imaginary childhood. It started with her in the hospital wrapped in a pink blanket, and then there was one from her first birthday with ice cream smeared all over her party dress and even into her curly hair. It was kind of freaky seeing the little-five-year old girl she never was all dressed up for her first day of kindergarten with pretty ribbons in her pigtails.

It got even weirder on the last page when there was a picture of a seventeen-year-old Stephanie all dressed up to go to the prom. Aunt Jeannie was trying to talk about how she’d used special software to age her, like they do with missing kids, but Stephanie was just too captivated by the image of what her future could have been if only she’d been a real girl. Her prom dress even showed a little cleavage, which made her more envious of the girl in the picture.

Aunt Jeannie said that she’d been considering going even further, showing her graduating from college and getting married and having a baby, but she ran out of time. Stephanie was glad she hadn’t taken it that far, as it would just have been more reminders of the impossible. She thanked her aunt for the peek into an alternate reality, and gave her a big hug.

Dan apologized after he handed Stephanie her present, a tube which turned out to be two rolled up magazines. He’d explained that he’d gone to a bookstore to find a present, and there was this cute girl working there so he flirted by asking for her advice on what to get his twelve-year-old cousin for her birthday. He wasn’t really thinking about Stephanie’s situation, so he ended up taking the cute salesgirl’s advice and bought her subscriptions to both Teen Vogue and Cosmo Girl for the next year. Stephanie said it was okay; maybe her sister would want to read them when she came home from college, but she hoped he at least got the cute girl’s phone number. He said he hadn’t, but maybe some Wednesday night they could stop by the bookstore after dance class and she could thank the nice girl for giving her awesome and dateable cousin such great gift advice?

Grace and Matt’s gift was in a big, low rectangular box. Their card said “Happy birthday to the Princessa of the dance floor,” referring to their Maestro’s nickname for her. Inside the box were three pretty dresses that Grace said should fit the rules for dance class. First, there was this pale blue dress with a really full skirt and a sash that tied in the back. The second one was kind of funky. It was a sleeveless dress in a really bold red and white floral print. And lastly, Grace said every girl needed an LBD, so she got her a simple black sheath dress. Stephanie thanked her, and Mom said it was too much, but Grace said Stephanie wouldn’t need dresses for dance class if she wasn’t already doing Grace a huge favor that could never be repaid.
.
Grandma’s gift was very precious. It was an antique porcelain doll that had been hers when she was Stephanie’s age, and she’d gotten it refurbished and dressed in pretty new clothes but in the same style from way back when. Grandma told Stephanie her name was Aimee, and both her girls had fought about who would get the doll for years, so she vowed to give her to neither of them, but her newest granddaughter deserved her. Stephanie realized what an honor it was, and wasn’t sure what she’d do with Aimee when she turned back into a boy, but it was too important to turn down. She fit right in with Angel Barbie and Hannah on Stephanie’s dresser when they got home.

All in all, it was a very big birthday for Stephanie. She’d gotten a lot of cool stuff, and had had parties will all her friends and her family and her boyfriend. When she took off the jewelry she’d borrowed from her mother, she put on her charm bracelet and thought about the wild trip being Stephanie had been. It was hard to believe she was supposed to go back to being Steven on Tuesday. She tried writing about it in her journal but she wasn’t sure what to say.

She undressed and rubbed smelly tea tree oil into her chest, then put on her nightgown. For the first time in a while she said her prayers before going to bed. Even though they’d kicked her out of church, she hoped Someone Upstairs was still listening.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Twelve-year-old Steven Brooks got in trouble at Christmastime for peeking at his presents, and since he had to dress as a female angel anyway for the criss-crossed Christmas Pageant, his punishment was to spend his Christmas vacation as a girl. But that vacation was only supposed to last eleven days, and a fire at the school made it go thirty-one. Stephanie’s adventures this last month have found her volunteering to be a bridesmaid in her cousin’s wedding, learning to French kiss with her boyfriend, and trying to encourage her breasts to grow. This is the last day before the school is supposed to be reopening, and Stephanie will have to go back to being Steven. But does she really want to? In this episode, her confusion will cause her parents to seek professional help. This extra-long episode is very dialogue-heavy.

Episode 16
(Thanks to everyone who gave an opinion on whether a chatty chapter would be okay.
This is purely a work of fiction. No one should assume that the psychotherapy session presented is at all professionally accurate.)

You’d expect that the first day after having a celebration of your birthday four days in a row would be a bit of a letdown, but for Stephanie it was quite possibly the worst day ever. She got out of bed that Monday morning feeling kind of low, knowing that it would be her last full day of wearing pretty things. Sure, she’d be a girl again every other week at dance class, and maybe she could still wear nightgowns to bed, but she’d be losing her nice long fingernails and possibly her earrings. At least they wouldn’t be cutting her hair off like Robin’s.

She spent an extra-long time in the bathtub, since Steven would probably be back to showers, enjoying the bubbles while she could. After drying off, she desperately rubbed lavender oil into her chest for so long that her nipples went from pink to red. She dressed in her new blue dress and wore all her garnet jewelry, and pinned her hair back with her shiny barrettes. She carefully did her makeup to look nice but not excessive, using a light touch but choosing black mascara and eyeliner instead of her usual brown, and even a little bit of eye shadow.

Because of Martin Luther King Day, her father was still home when she went down for breakfast, even though she was so late. He said she looked pretty and understood immediately that Stephanie wanted to go out with a bang. They didn’t have any special plans for the day, so after breakfast she just sat and read. In the middle of the morning, the phone rang and Mom talked to someone for a while and then came to turn on the TV.

The local news was showing a special press conference on the steps of Franklin Roosevelt Middle School. The School Superintendent came on and said that the contractors who were supposed to fix the damage said that it wouldn’t be ready on time for the scheduled reopening on Tuesday. It was going to be another two weeks. She said that they knew this would be too great an inconvenience for many of the students and their families, so the School Committee had held a special meeting, and spoke with representatives of the private schools in the area. They decided to use some of the insurance money to make vouchers available to pay for any Roosevelt student to attend an alternative school that would accept him or her.

Parents of Roosevelt students were invited to come down to the gymnasium, which had been rebuilt and was completely safe. Transcripts and student records would be available, as well as admissions people from the other schools, ready to meet with them. Mom got her coat and left, telling Dad she’d call him if she had any news. Stephanie got a stomachache and had to go lie down. This did not feel like a good thing.

Dad made lunch (cheese sandwiches and tomato soup) so she tried to eat something and only ate half a sandwich and a few slurps of soup before asking to be excused. He tried challenging her to some Nintendo after lunch, but she just went back to her room.

Mom came home late in the afternoon and had big news. Steven had been accepted into St. Philip’s Academy for Boys. He’d just need to go in for a brief interview in the morning, and then it would be all set.

Stephanie’s face fell when she heard. “Is there a way to get out of it? I don’t want to go there.”

Dad jumped in. “Now your mother just spent hours standing in lines in a stuffy gym and that’s what you have to say? St. Philip’s is an excellent school. Ok, they’re Catholic. So you’ll have to sit through some religion classes about dogma we don’t necessarily believe in. But is that so bad?”

Stephanie’s voice went up a little. “You don’t understand. I can’t go there!”

Mom tried to reach out a comforting hand, but it was turned away. “Honey, I’m sorry. But that’s your only option. Maybe once you’ve tried it it won’t be so bad.”

Tears were welling up. “Isn’t there something else we could do? Please!”

Dad made another attempt. “Tell us what your problem with St. Philip’s is, and maybe we can help you find a way to make it work.”

Stephanie’s sobs were making her speech less coherent. “That’s where … Tim and Josh … They saw … but if … think he’s … can’t let … destroy him!”

He took a guess at what she was talking about. “Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll make new friends at the new school.”

“I can’t go there!” Stephanie shrieked. She was starting to hyperventilate. “They met … girl … so if … boy … Brian … ruined.”

Mom took a turn. “Oh! You’re saying Brian goes to St. Philip’s? But he’s been spending time with you dressed as a girl, and you don’t know if he’d still want to be friends when you’re dressed as yourself again? Don’t be silly. He knows you’re really a boy.”

“No!” She screamed and ran upstairs, locking herself in her room. They left her alone for a few hours while they discussed what to do. After a while there was a knock on her bedroom door. They tried to talk through the door, but it wasn’t working. Dad got a key and unlocked it and they went in. Stephanie was sitting on the floor in the corner, her knees pulled up to her chest. She’d been crying and had raccoon eyes.

Her mother tried to walk over, but Stephanie shrank away, so she sat down on the bed instead. “Sweetie, I called and cancelled your appointment with St. Philip’s. If it’s going to effect you this strongly, we’ll find another solution.”

Stephanie sniffled and relaxed a little. “Really?”

“Your father and I talked it over, and we think this whole girl/boy thing has been a lot tougher on you than we’d realized. We’re worried about you. Your father heard about a doctor who we think might be able to help you, help us all really, so we can figure out where we go from here.”

“A doctor?”

“A psychiatrist. She specializes in kids like you.”

“You think I’m crazy? Are they going to lock me up?” Stephanie tried to hide deeper in the corner.

“Oh, Honey! No, not at all. You’re not crazy, but we think you might be a little mixed up. Seeing you there, it’s clear that you’re hurting and we’d never want you to. If you had a stomachache, we’d take you to the stomach doctor. But since you’ve got an emotional pain, we want to take you to an emotion doctor. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Stephanie wiped her nose on her hand. “So do I have to be a boy or a girl when I go to the doctor?”

“Sweetie, you can wear whatever would make you the most comfortable.” Mom slowly walked over to Stephanie and reached down and touched her shoulder. She quickly swiveled and grabbed her mother, turning it into a full hug. “Now let’s get you cleaned up and then we can go downstairs for something to eat. I sent your Dad to get Chinese Takeout. Feel like sesame chicken?”

They had an awkward and cautious dinner. Dad brought the totes with Steven’s clothes in them up from storage, so he could wear them on Tuesday, if that was his choice. Stephanie opted to go to sleep in her nightgown, since it was more comfortable. She considered skipping her tea tree oil treatment for the night, but she decided that it would have made all that previous effort pointless if she stopped before getting any results.

The appointment with the doctor was in the morning, so there wasn’t a lot of time after the bath to decide whether to be a boy or a girl. Stephanie opted to wear girl clothes since her fingernails were too long to be a boy’s, but she played it safe by picking her most boyish things. She wore one of her training bras without padding and its matching panty. Over that she put on her nice jeans and her long-sleeved red t-shirt. In case it got cold, she layered her blue cardigan over that. She put her feet in plain white ankle socks and her pink sneakers.

She kept the little hoops she slept in in her ears, and wore her charm bracelet for luck, but that was it for jewelry. She wore her hair loose without any accessories in it, and almost didn’t wear any makeup. But it felt weird not to at least put on some lip gloss. She threw her things in her pink handbag, and took one last check in the mirror before going to find her mother. Even in almost boy clothes her reflection still shouted “girl.” She was still more feminine than Elizabeth Patterson, who had the tomboy look down perfectly.

Mom said she looked cute, and didn’t seem at all surprised to see that she still had a daughter instead of a son. She could tell Stephanie was nervous, and held her hand in the car. The doctor’s office was way over in Wallace. Apparently there weren’t enough psycho-freak girlboys for a more local practice. Stephanie focused on trying to stay calm.

It was a small medical building where several doctors shared offices. They hung up their coats and then they went over to a desk with this sweet old lady was the receptionist, and Mom said they were the Brooks, and had an appointment with Dr. Howard at ten. The lady said they were a little early and told them to have a seat. Stephanie tried flipping through a magazine, but her nerves wouldn’t let her. After waiting for what felt like a forever and a half, the receptionist called them.

Dr. Penelope Howard didn’t look like a real doctor. She was old, probably older than Mom, with shortish red hair and little square glasses. She was kind of heavy, and wore a big purple dress with yellow flowers on it. She led them to her office, which was kind of like Grandma’s living room with a couple tall chairs and a low couch facing a chair for the doctor. She didn’t have a desk or anything between her and the patient like they do in movies; she just had a little table off to the side with her notes and stuff.

She shook both their hands and said she’d spoken with Dad the day before, and he’d told her the general gist of the matter, but she wanted to hear it in person. She asked Mom what was the crisis that had brought them to her.

Mom was a little uneasy. “Shouldn’t we discuss this in private, just the two of us?”

The doctor shook her head. “For me, the most important thing in building a working doctor/patient relationship is trust. So I don’t want your child to think that you and I are sharing secrets and talking about her behind her back.” She turned to Stephanie. “You understand? I won’t be keeping anything from you.”

Stephanie nodded.

Mom took a deep breath, and then related the whole long story of how Steven got into trouble and was punished by making him dress up as Stephanie until school started, and then when she told him she’d gotten Steven into St. Philip’s, he freaked out. Mom really wanted the doctor to tell her that she hadn’t broken her child.

Dr. Howard gave her a reassuring smile. “Now I wouldn’t say that this unusual punishment was a great judgment call on your part, but it doesn’t seem like you did anything so traumatic that irreversible damage has been done to Stevie here’s psyche.”

Stephanie’s head tilted. “Stevie?”

“Sometimes your mother called you Steven in her story, and sometimes Stephanie. To make it easier, I figured I’d just call you Stevie, if that’s okay with you. It could be a nickname for Steven, like Stevie Wonder, or for Stephanie, like Stevie Nicks. (If you don’t know who those people are, raid your mom’s music collection when you get home.) Is it okay with you if I call you Stevie?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“All right then, Stevie. Do you think you could tell me why you got so upset yesterday at the idea of going to boys’ school?”

“Um, it wasn’t the boy thing. It was that I specifically didn’t want to go to St. Philip’s.”

“Oh, I stand corrected. What was it about that school in particular?”

“I met some boys that go there as a girl and if they knew I was a boy it would be bad.”

“I can see how that would be very embarrassing. If you could have explained that to your parents instead of throwing a tantrum I’m sure they would have understood.”

“I tried, but they weren’t listening.”

Mom tried to interrupt, but the doctor held up a finger to make her wait. “The way your father sounded on the phone last night, it seemed like there might be something more going on here.”

“I don’t know.”

“Can you apologize to your mother for your part in the miscommunication of the school issue?”

“Okay.” Stephanie turned to her mother. “I am sorry, Mom. I thought I told you and I guess I didn’t. It was like everything was falling apart.” She gave her a hug and didn’t want to let go. A couple of tears ran down her cheek.

Her mother held her and said, “I’m sorry too, Honey.” When they let go, she looked over, “I’m sorry to waste your time, Doctor. It seems like we overreacted. I suppose we can go now?”

Dr. Howard frowned. “Well, yes and no. I’ve got you scheduled for the full two hours I usually take with new patients, so if you could, I’d like you to go back to the waiting room, and I’ll talk alone to Stevie some more about this whole ‘boy vs. girl’ situation. Maybe we can figure out if there were some deeper emotions happening yesterday.”

“If you really think it’s necessary. I suppose I could.” She looked at her child. “Will you be okay alone talking with the doctor? I’ll be right outside; I’m not abandoning you.”

Part of Stephanie wanted to run off with her Mommy, but there was another part that thought that maybe the doctor could help with her confusion. “I guess I’ll be all right.”

Once Mom had left, the doctor started. “So, tell me what it’s been like for you having to dress like a girl everyday.”

“At first, I thought it was going to be tough. But after a couple of days being a girl, it just kind of got easier. There’s even some stuff that isn’t so bad.”

Dr. Howard could tell that her new patient was quite ready to open up completely. “You know, it isn’t bad or wrong if you actually liked something about life as Stephanie.”

Stephanie looked up at the doctor plaintively, her forehead wrinkled in worry. “It doesn’t make me some kind of gay sissy weirdo?”

The doctor shook her head. “No, it doesn’t. It makes you a three-dimensional human being. There's no shame for a male to get in touch with his feminine side. And I won't tell anyone you don't want me to."

Stephanie mumbled, “Okay.”

"So, was there anything about your time in dresses that you enjoyed?”

She looked at her shoes before answering. Would the doctor think she was weird if she told everything? “Um, I guess I kind of liked it that people kept telling me I was pretty. Not even family ever really told me how I looked when I was a boy, but as a girl even strangers say I'm cute.”

“I can see how that could make you feel good. Did it make you want to put more effort into looking pretty, so you’d get more compliments?” "Dr. Howard's warm smile was reassuring"

“Um, would it make me sound stuck-up or something if I said yes?”

“It’s not stuck-up to take pride in one’s appearance. I see you sitting there and it’s clear to me that your hair is neatly styled, and your manicure is flawless, and you’ve expertly applied your lip gloss. Those kinds of things take a lot of practice to get right, and it shows that you were willing to work hard to look pretty. I think that’s an admirable quality.”

Stephanie blushed. “Thanks. Usually I wear something nicer like a pretty dress or a skirt, but I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be a boy or a girl today.”

Dr. Thomas noted on her pad that Stephanie kept phrasing it as “being a girl,” not pretending to be one or merely dressing up as one. She still wasn’t ready to make a diagnosis, though. “If you’d gone to the school today like your mother had originally wanted, yesterday would have been your last day in a pretty dress. Could that have been what was bothering you?”

Stephanie loudly took a deep breath in frustration. “No. I thought I explained what was bothering me. Mom wanted me to go to St. Philip’s and that would have destroyed Brian and I couldn’t do that.”

The doctor looked up in surprise. She flipped back through her notes. “You had said you were worried about being found out by some boys. Who is Brian and why would that have ‘destroyed’ him?”

Stephanie put a hand to her mouth too late. “Do I have to tell you?”

“It sounds like it’s important, so it would probably be useful to me, if I am to help you understand what’s happening to you.”

“Okay, but you can’t tell my Mom.”

The doctor leaned forward, as if sharing a secret of her own. “I’ll only share what you tell me in here with your mother if I think something is dangerous or harmful to you. Otherwise, your confidentiality is guaranteed by law. You can ask your father about the rules concerning doctors and patients. Even though you’re a minor, I’m under no obligation to tell your parents any of your private thoughts.”

Stephanie brightened a little now that she felt safe. “When I was in the Christmas pageant, this boy at church said that I was cute and asked me over to his house for New Year’s as like a practice date.”

Dr. Howard just nodded and gestured for her to continue.

“But when I went to Brian’s it felt more like a real date than a pretend one, and my sister had told me that couples are supposed to kiss at midnight as some kind of tradition thing, so we had a midnight kiss.” Stephanie was turning a little red and couldn’t look at the doctor while she was talking. “And before going to sleep we kissed a few more times, and even tried a kind he said was from France.”

“How did kissing this boy make you feel?”

“Um, I don’t know. It was a little scary at first, but I was being a girl on a date, and girls on dates kiss boys, so it just seemed like the right thing to do.” Stephanie bit her lip hesitantly. “But if I just stopped thinking about it, I kind of liked it. We did some more kissing the next morning.” Stephanie was afraid she wouldn’t have the guts to tell the rest of the story if she kept stopping for the doctor to ask questions, so she in one breath she added, “So then a couple weeks later he asks me over to just play videogames and hang out, and I get there and there’s these other two boys Tim and Josh who are his friends from school, and they let slip that when he went back to school he told them he’d kissed a girl over vacation and they wanted proof or something so he had us all over at the same time, and I was kind of mad but he said he was sorry and he just looked so cute I forgave him and he said I was his girlfriend and that was way cool and I kissed him in front of the other guys and so that’s why I couldn’t go to school with them, because his friends would think that Brian was a gay pervert, and he’d be ruined!”

Stephanie’s tears of frustration were starting to return, so the doctor handed her a tissue. “Wow. That’s quite a story. I understand why you’re worried for Brian, but I notice that you didn’t show any concern for your own reputation. Are you also afraid that they’d call you a ‘gay pervert’ too?”

Stephanie wiped her nose and pulled her little mirror out to make sure her lip gloss wasn’t smudged. “Tim and Josh are Brian’s friends, not mine, so I really don’t care what they think of me. At whatever school I go to they’re going to think I’m weird anyway, so it doesn’t matter.”

“What makes you say that?”

Stephanie shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just the way it’s always been. I don’t really fit anywhere. Like, I’m too smart for the dumb kids; I spend most of class drawing in my notebook, but I get decent grades anyway. They tried to put me in with the smart kids and I wasn’t smart enough and they bounced me back. I just keep to myself mostly, sitting in the back and staying quiet.”

Penelope’s heart went out to this poor child, but she tried not to let her concern show too much. Stevie was so worried about not being normal that it would be dangerous to call attention to how significant that kind of social isolation could be. “Do you have any friends that you see during school, or even outside of school hours?”

Stephanie brightened some. “That’s one of the cool things about being a girl — I’ve made a lot of friends. I wasn’t really close to anyone before, but now I not only have a boyfriend, but there’s this girl Debbie from church who’s always texting me, and there’s this little kid Robin who’s a boy that wants to be a girl who’s almost like a little sister to me, and I’m closer to my actual sister than we ever were before. And I’m not sure if you’d call them friends, but I’m in my cousin’s wedding party and the other bridesmaids are always cool with me during dance class. I might even get to babysit the flower girl for the MOH.”

“And there wasn’t anyone you felt you could call a ‘friend’ before? That’s interesting. Do you think the person you present to the world when you’re acting female is somehow friendlier?” She took some more notes.

“I don’t know. I think it might be because when I have to be a girl I’m almost always asking myself how a girl would act. Well, more at first, but even now sometimes I do. Maybe I just think girls are friendly, so my idea of what a girl is is smiling and stuff? I never really thought about it.”

“You seem very mature and self-aware. That makes yesterday’s tantrum even more unusual. I suppose that’s a reflection of very strong feelings for this Brian. To explore that, I’d like to ask you some questions that might be a little uncomfortable, but please try to be honest. Did you ever kiss a boy before you dressed as a girl?”

“Eww, no.” Stephanie couldn’t meet the doctor’s eyes and had to look to the side. “Brian’s the only boy I’ve kissed, and it was only because I was a girl and that’s what girls do.”

Dr. Howard nodded. “Did you ever think about kissing boys before?”

Stephanie was getting a little irritated. “No! I’m not gay or anything like that; I’m just being a girl and girls have boyfriends, so I have one.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“It’s okay if you are. I’m not here to judge you. We’re trying to figure out how to help you, and so I needed to know how you feel about sexually, and I know it’s uncomfortable talking about things like that, especially with a grownup you just met, but it is important. Do you understand?”

Stephanie relaxed slightly. “I guess so.”

“All right, so I hear you saying that you were just pretending to be a girl when you kissed that boy, but earlier you mentioned that you liked kissing him and it felt good. So you may have kissed him for pretend reasons, but it doesn’t sound like you had pretend emotions. What you feel inside is always real.”

“Are you saying I actually am gay?” Stephanie’s voice was trembling.

“Don’t worry about labeling things. It’s perfectly normal for someone like you just on the beginning of adulthood to do some exploration. Maybe you’ll end up only having boyfriends in your life; maybe you’ll end up with mostly girlfriends; maybe you’ll have a few of each. But try not to get too hung up on whether to think of yourself as gay or straight for now. Like your boyfriend Brian, for instance — if he knows that you’re a boy in a dress, when he’s kissing you, is he gay or straight?”

“I never really thought about that. I figured since I was a girl, he was a normal guy. But I guess he did know my secret, so what does that mean?”

“It could be that he’s just experimenting, too. I can’t tell you what he’s feeling; I’ve never talked to him. Could you imagine wanting to kiss him when you’re dressed like a boy?”

“No way.” Stephanie tried to picture it, and it just seemed gross. She made an “icky” face.

“Okay, I’ll drop it for now. How about girls? Have you ever kissed a girl, or wanted to?”

“That’s kind of funny, actually.” Stephanie smiled. “I had a birthday party last Saturday with a bunch of girls from our old church, and we were talking about kissing boys in the girls’ room, and Elizabeth Patterson kissed me to see what it was like or something. But I think she’s gay. She dresses like a boy, and her present was a cool box she’d made in wood shop.”

Penelope sighed. She’d just finished explaining that labeling wasn’t productive and here’s her patient calling someone “gay.” Sometimes she regretted specializing in juveniles. “It could be that she’s a tomboy. Not all girls have to be extremely feminine all the time. And our society makes it a little easier for them than it is for boys who don’t want to be masculine. So, how did it feel to kiss a girl?”

“Well, I wasn’t expecting it, so it felt weird. She was a little more forceful than Brian, but it didn’t hurt or anything. It was kind of exciting, I guess. But I’d rather kiss my boyfriend.”

“When you say it excited you, do you mean sexually?”

“Huh?” Stephanie had a blank look.

“Did kissing her make you aroused?”

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“I know you keep your penis tucked away when you’re dressed as a girl, but did you get an erection, or could you feel it trying to?”

Stephanie turned red once it was clear what the doctor was talking about. “I’ve never had one, so I don’t know what it feels like, but I don’t think so. Brian had one once while we were kissing, but I didn’t.”

Penelope wasn’t sure if the lack of physiological arousal was typical in a pre-teen experimenting sexually. She’d have to consult the books and maybe ask an expert. “Oh. I suppose that covers all my sexuality questions for today. Let’s change the subject. Is there anything else besides kissing and dating that you’ve enjoyed as a girl that you weren’t able to do as a boy?”

“I really like being able to look nice. Girls have a lot more options in what they can wear, and they can change makeup and hair and stuff. It’s just so much better than being a boy and putting on any old shirt and pants and you’re done.”

The doctor took some more notes. “That is true. Women’s fashions do come in a wider range of styles. But it also sounds like you never really took put much effort into your appearance back when you were wearing boy clothes. Why do you think that was?”

“I don’t know. I was just lazy before? It was like I was just average as a boy, and now everybody says I’m real pretty as a girl, so I kind of don’t want to let them down.”

Penelope thought that maybe Steven’s lack of concern for how he looked was related to his general social isolation. And apparently with a change in gender affect, both traits were reversed. A selfish whim in the back of her head thought he’d make an excellent case study, but the front of her head just really wanted to help this poor messed-up kid. It was difficult maintaining clinical distance. In her heart she wanted nothing more than to give Stevie a hug. “Is there anything in particular that you used to do when you wore male clothes that you can’t do in female clothes, that you miss doing?”

Stephanie thought hard, tilting her head to the side and biting her lower lip while twirling a lock of hair around her finger, in a perfectly natural feminine pose that the doctor thought seemed unlikely to have been learned. Wrinkling her forehead, Stephanie said, “I can’t think of anything. I was never a real ‘boy boy.’ I didn’t play sports or anything, and I wasn’t the kind of guy to go play in the mud and catch frogs or whatever. I liked to draw, but girls can draw too. I haven’t drawn the same stuff since I became a girl, but I probably could. I liked to take models and build them into other stuff, and I haven’t done that lately, but I didn’t have any to work with. I don’t know if that’s a boy thing or a girl thing. I do a lot of reading, and I can do that as a girl. I’ve been borrowing my sister’s books.” She shrugged. “There’s a lot more stuff I do as a girl that I didn’t do as a boy than the other way around.”

“What other things are you able to do as a girl that you can’t do as a boy?”

“Well, I’m enjoying my dance class, even though my partner is sometimes a jerk. I guess I could have taken the class as a boy but the only reason I’m there is because I’m a junior bridesmaid. So I only got the chance because I was a girl. It’s also kind of easier dancing the girl’s part. You just have to follow along with what the boy is doing, but the boy actually has to figure out what to do next and he has to steer you around the room.”

“I’ve never heard that take on it before. Usually you hear the opposite, that it’s easier to lead when dancing. Like they say Ginger Rogers had to do everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.”

“Who?”

“Never mind. So, you’re currently learning the female role in ballroom dancing, and you’re enjoying it? Do you think you’d want to learn the male part eventually?”

“I don’t know. I think the boy’s side of things might be more work and less fun. And you wouldn’t get to wear pretty dresses and fancy grownup shoes. I guess I’ll have to see if I’ve got a reason to take dance lessons as a boy in the future.” Stephanie shrugged. “Anyway, that’s just one of the good things about being a girl. There’s a bunch more stuff I never did before. Like, my mom’s been making me do a lot of cleaning around the house, which isn’t so great. I don’t like dusting. But along with it, she’s been teaching me how to cook so I can help out in the kitchen. It’s really cool; it’s like making something that didn’t exist before, and I get to make my family happy. It’s nice to be useful.”

“Well you know, you don’t have to be a girl to cook. Flip on the Food Network some time, and you’re as likely to see a man as a woman hosting the show. For every Rachael Ray, there’s an Emeril Lagasse. Men have been chefs for years, from famous restaurateurs like Wolfgang Puck and Paul Prudhomme to old school TV guys like Graham Kerr. My mother was a big fan of Jeff Smith, the Frugal Gourmet. She has all his cookbooks.”

Stephanie’s eyes widened. “Jeff Smith wrote cookbooks? The Bone guy? I love his stories! I’ve gotten them all out of the library over and over again, even though I know what’s going to happen. I just really like the way he draws, and the characters are so cool! Thorn is so pretty and sweet, and the Dragon is just awesome. I even tried to read Moby Dick to see why Fone Bone thinks it’s so great, but it was way too boring. My Dad tried to take me fishing once, and I did not like it, and reading about trying to catch a bigger fish didn’t make it any more interesting. So I’m not sure if we’re supposed to think that in their universe Moby Dick is a better book, or if it’s supposed to show that Fone Bone isn’t perfect because his favorite book is this boring fishing story. Sometimes I think Smiley is easier to relate to. My favorite character is Ted the Bug, because he’s so easy to draw but somehow he still has a personality. I copied him over and over until I could get it right, and then I went on to the other guys. But, yeah. Jeff Smith is probably mostly what inspired me to try to draw my own comics.”

“Um, I think the communication lines got a little crossed here, but it’s good to see you excited about something. I’ll have to look up this other Jeff Smith and see what he’s all about. You never said anything about drawing comics before. How long have you been doing it?”

Stephanie’s hand went to her mouth. “Oops. I wasn’t going to talk about that. I like to think of them as my secret comics.”

Penelope made some more notes. “Why is that? Do you write about things in there you don’t want people to know about?”

“I don’t know. I just like having something that’s just mine.”

“Can you tell me at least what they’re about? Do you have some superhero fighting bad guys or something?”

“Sort of, but not really. It’s more of a magic story than a super story. There’s this kid Sam who has the power to make things happen in dreams, but there’s a monster that wants that power for himself, so Sam’s parents use a magic amulet to open a doorway to another world. For the most part it’s about Sam’s adventures in that other world.”

“That sounds very creative. Do you think maybe you could let me see just one of them next time you come here?”

“Next time?” Stephanie wasn’t expecting that.

The doctor explained that she thought it would take a few more sessions to figure out the best way to help Stephanie shrugged and said it was okay. They were almost out of time, so she called Mom back in and said that she wasn’t ready to make any kind of diagnosis yet, but there definitely seemed to be some issues that merited exploring. Stephanie would be coming back on Tuesdays and Fridays for at least the next couple weeks, and they’d plan on Steven going back to school at Roosevelt when it reopened on February 6th, hopefully without any more tantrums.

In the mean time, she gave Stephanie some “homework.” The doctor said that her impression was that Stephanie had gained a lot of social connections and Steven was probably afraid of losing all that when he went back to male attire. So the goal was to integrate the good stuff into Steven’s life. The doctor wanted Steven to wear some boy clothes for at least a couple hours a day, during which he was supposed to do something that he’d enjoyed as a girl while dressed like a boy. Also, Stephanie was supposed to do something that Steven enjoyed as a boy while dressed in girl clothes at least once a day. And Mom needed to make sure Steven still helped out around the house when he wasn’t being Stephanie, especially in the kitchen.

They agreed that the doctor’s requests seemed reasonable, and they were smiling as they drove home.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Twelve-year-old Steven Brooks has been through a lot since that fateful day when he peeked at his Christmas presents and was sentenced to two weeks in skirts and dresses. It all snowballed out of control and at this point Stephanie’s been a girl for over a month now. She wanted to be helpful and agreed to be a bridesmaid in her cousin’s wedding, which meant she had to take dance lessons, which led her to try to grow breasts to prove to her snotty partner that she wasn’t a little kid. A pretend date at New Year’s ended up in her having a boyfriend she enjoys kissing, but that also meant she couldn’t go back to school with him as a boy or it would ruin his reputation. She just started seeing a psychiatrist to try to deal with it all, and the doctor gave her some assignments to do before their next appointment.

Episode 17

Wednesday morning, Stephanie took her bath and did her usual routine of rubbing lavender oil into her chest. There was still no sign that it was working, but she felt committed to keeping it up until she got results or the bottle was empty. She bundled up in her fluffy pink bathrobe and returned to her bedroom.

She looked at the plastic totes that contained Steven’s boy clothes. The doctor’s orders said she had to wear boy stuff for a while each day, and to make sure to do something she would have done as a girl while wearing them. Maybe it would be a good idea to get it out of the way first thing in the morning.

She took the clothes out of the bins, keeping them all neatly folded, and organized things into stacks on her bed. Even in boy clothes, she still wanted to look nice and didn’t just want to grab the first couple of things and call it an outfit. It would be better if things matched.

Stephanie took off her robe and stepped into a pair of underpants and worked on becoming a boy. After wearing girl panties for over a month, the briefs seemed extra-bulky, with thicker seams, and thicker elastics, and just more material all over. Plus, Stephanie had taped up after her bath out of habit so there was a baggy space in the front where the boy parts were supposed to be. It was probably wrong to leave the tape on, but it just felt better that way. Besides, the doctor had said to do things girls do while wearing boy clothes, so maybe peeing sitting down would count although that did seem a little like cheating.

Steven tried to shake the girl thoughts out of his head and focus on being a boy. He took a nice green and blue striped shirt off the pile, one of his nicer ones, and pulled it on over his head. It looked okay, but it was really uncomfortable. Stephanie’s nipples did not like the fabric at all. Maybe those oils really were working, or maybe they’d just become used to the cozy softness of a bra.

Steven took off the shirt and looked through the pile of boy clothes for something that would be as soft. He did have some undershirts for wearing under button-up shirts for special occasions. They were maybe a little softer than the other shirt. He decided that maybe laundry could be one of the girlish things he could do in boy clothes, and a wash with extra fabric softener would make the rest of his boy clothes more bearable in the future.

He put on the undershirt, but that sort of meant going with a dress shirt. He picked out a white shirt with blue stripes. Since it had been folded up in a box instead of hanging in the closet, it was a little wrinkled. He didn’t really feel like ironing, so he decided to put a sweater on over it.

He ended up getting a lot more dressed up than he’d planned, but a nice shirt and a sweater seemed to want nice pants. He wore a pair of navy slacks that his mother had gotten him for school but he hadn’t worn very often, sticking mostly to blue jeans.

Standing before the mirror in his boy clothes, he still looked like a girl. Stephanie’s hair was still damp from the bath, and it was easy to slick it back like Mom had done that time to make it pass for boy hair, so that wasn’t it. It might have been the earrings, but Steven didn’t have anything less obvious than the little hoops he’d slept in.

He decided it must be the nail polish, and used some remover to take all the color off. But then the acrylic extensions just looked too fake. He looked through all the colors of nail polish that Michelle had left for Stephanie and found this special kit where you could paint the bottom of your nails pink and the top parts white, just like their natural color. That didn’t really help. Instead of looking like plain ordinary nails, they came out fancy and shiny and just seemed to call attention to themselves. Steven decided he’d just have to keep his hands in fists — that’s something boys do, isn’t it?

He pulled boring tube socks over Stephanie’s pretty pink toes and stuck his feet into a pair of hiking boots Dad had bought him to encourage him to go on one of his and Michelle’s camping trips. They still looked new. He gave a last look into the mirror, trying to see a boy, and went downstairs.

It didn’t go well. When Mom came in while he was eating his cereal, she said he looked pretty. He had to explain that he was wearing boys’ clothes, and she got all embarrassed and said he was a handsome young man, but Steven could tell she didn’t mean it.

He was supposed to try to do girl stuff while wearing boy clothes, so he went onto the computer to play with the Webkin kitty Kayla had gotten Stephanie for her birthday. It was really silly and seemed like it was for little kids, But since Kayla had thought it was something girls their age did, he gave it his best shot.

Then he tried to do the laundry, but Mom made him do the delicates first, so all of Stephanie’s bras and panties had to go in. And that seemed to remind his nipples that they could be more comfortable, and his chest just got really itchy. He finally got around to washing his undershirts with extra fabric softener, but they were still in the dryer when Mom came to get him.

Like Dr. Thomas had told her to, she made Steven help out in the kitchen to get lunch ready. They were having creamy chicken gravy on biscuits, and he had to keep stirring the gravy to keep it from getting lumpy. Mom had made him wear an apron, which made him look girlier, and then the steam coming off the pot made the stuff in his hair let go, and she had to pull it back off his face with a scrunchie.

He nibbled his lunch neatly, and couldn’t even imagine trying to wolf it down all gross and boyish. It just tasted better when you took little bites and spent more time chewing and enjoying. But it seemed like the overall effect was that somewhere in the middle of their lunch, he turned into Stephanie.

So after cleaning up the lunch dishes, she went up to her room to get changed. No sooner had the door closed when she was stripped to the waist. She rubbed more of her tea tree oil where it hurt, and that seemed to take the raw feel, then she pulled on her softest training bra, then took off her boy shoes and pants and slipped into the matching panties. She lay on her bed in her underthings for a minute, and thought about what to wear.

She wanted to look pretty but not overdo it. She put on her girlish pink t-shirt with the lace trim, pink tights, and her denim skirt with a half-slip peeking slightly out from under it just to make it feel less like boy jeans. She wanted more heel, but wore her black Mary Janes anyway since she wanted to look casual. She kept her jewelry simple; a silver chain necklace, Brian’s charm bracelet, and the pink earrings Aunt Jeannie had made.

Stephanie took the scrunchie out of her hair and used a trick her sister had shown her where you lean down and brush your hair out upside-down to give it more fullness. It had just enough of the stuff she’d used to try to get the boy style left in it to make it behave, so she didn’t need anything else to hold it. A nice coat of glittery lip gloss, a couple strokes of brown mascara to each eye, and a drop of cologne, and she was done. It felt good to be a girl again.

The second half of her assignment from the doctor was to do something Steven the boy would have done while dressed as Stephanie the girl. She got out the metal car model kit that had been a birthday present from Mom and Dad and laid out all the pieces on her desk. There were some cool metal parts, but there were some regular plastic ones too. She saw them coming together not as a spaceship like Steven usually did with plastic models, but as more of an alien-looking futuristic castle this time.

But there was also a twinge of regret in the back of her head. Her parents had spent good money to get a special model; she didn’t want them to feel bad about it just being used as scrap for an art project that could just as easily have used any old junk. The least she could do is assemble the model first into the car it was supposed to be and show it to them, and then later on she could take it apart and make her castle, so she actually took the instructions out of the box for a change.

She worked on the model for a while, but had trouble paying attention. Something Dr. Thomas had said was still bugging her. When Mom called to get her to help with dinner, she had to shout twice to get her to notice. Stephanie carefully cleared her desk and put the unassembled pieces back in the box.

Dinner was kind of fun to make. They were having Swedish meatballs, with three kinds of meat mixed and kneaded together in her hands, and then rolled into tiny little balls. It felt almost like a little kid playing with modeling clay. It was messy work, but cool in its way. It turned out to be much more fun than peeling potatoes, which was what she had to do next. But after they were boiled Stephanie got to mash them, and that was another squishy happy thing.

The meal turned out pretty yummy, too. Stephanie wanted to ask for seconds, but wasn’t sure if that would be properly girlish or not. She decided to take a second helping, but to make it only half as big as the first one. To make it last longer she took the teeniest of bites and chewed very very slowly. She felt a little silly, but it did make the flavor stick around for more time.

After dinner, she was still feeling confused. There was a way to settle her worries, but she was scared of what the outcome would be. The nagging curiosity finally got the better of her, and she took the cordless phone up to her room to call Brian. She almost hung up when his mother answered, but she kept her nerve and identified herself when his mother asked who was calling.

Stephanie was very nervous. “Um, Brian? There’s something I’ve got to ask you.”

“Sure, what is it?” He sounded very casual and a lot more comfortable on the phone.

“Maybe I should start at the beginning. My mom tried to get me into your school.”

“That would be cool. And you’d look real cute in one of those plaid skirts the girls at St. Anne’s wear.”

“But that’s the thing. She didn’t get me into St. Anne’s; she got me into St. Philip’s.” Stephanie could almost hear the gears in his brain turn as he put together the same disastrous scenario as she had. “But don’t worry — I’m not going. I explained that it would be awful for you if your friends saw me as Steven after having met me as your girlfriend Stephanie.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

“You’re welcome. Anyway, I sort of threw a fit when I was refusing to go to St. Philip’s and my parents made me go see a shrink.”

“Really? Are you okay now?” The concern in his voice was touching.

“I’m mostly okay. It’s just the whole ‘boy or girl’ thing that’s got me really confused, and this doctor is supposed to be a specialist in that or something.”

“Is the doctor going to make you stop wearing dresses and stuff?” Brian sounded worried.

“I hope not. Everybody says I’m better as a girl, so she just needs to make it official or something. Would you like it if I was a girl all the time?”

Stephanie wasn’t sure, but Brian seemed to hesitate. “Um, I guess so.”

“Because when I was talking with the doctor about what I liked about being a girl, I mentioned you, well not with like details and stuff, or giving her your name and address, that’s private, but like I told her that I like that as a girl I get to have a boyfriend, and I gave her the rough idea of our first date, how you asked me out at church and stuff. And anyway, she asked me something that I hadn’t even thought about.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, she said that since you knew I wasn’t a real girl when you asked me out, do you like me because I’m a girl, or because I’m a boy?”

There was a noticeable silence on the line for a while before Brian answered. “I thought you were the prettiest girl in the church, really. And you looked kind of nervous, and I figured my Mom would be more willing to let you come over; you were safer than a girl girl. And if you said no I could pretend I was just kidding around with you, but you didn’t and that was great!”

Stephanie played with her charm bracelet and remembered their first date. “So like when we were kissing that time and your thing poked out at me, you were having sex thoughts of me as a girl?”

“Um, yeah. I guess.”

“So if the doctor decided I should be a girl all the time and they turned me into more of one, you’d be okay with that?”

“What do you mean?”

“They could give me drugs and stuff that could make look like a real girl with boobs and everything.”

“Really? I’ve heard of high school girls who get their tits done for prom, but do they really give implants to someone our age?”

“No, not fake boobs. Real ones. The doctors could inject me with hormones and junk to make my body develop just like any other girl. My sister said there’s a girl at her school who used to be a boy, so I looked up some stuff on the internet.”

“Are you sure you’d want to be a girl forever?”

“I don’t know. But Dr. Thomas is supposed to figure that out for me, I think.”

“Well, if you did grow a nice set of tits, I’m pretty sure that as your boyfriend that means I’d get to touch them. Can you ask them to give you really big ones?”

“Oh really?” Stephanie laughed, but she also wondered what it would feel like to have someone else touching her breasts when she got them. Her sensitive nipples ached, as if asking for attention. “And I suppose that if the doctors cut of my boy parts and gave me girl parts down there, you’d feel entitled to being able to touch that, too?”

“They can do that? Wow.” Brian seemed to lose some of his cool in the surprise, but he recovered. “I mean, if you had a real girl’s thing, that would be awesome! Sure, I’d want to touch it; I wouldn’t be much of a boyfriend if I didn’t. We could even have sex and stuff when you were ready. (My dad says never to pressure girls, so I won’t do that.)”

“So I suppose you should thank him for me. Anyways, I think that’s probably a while off even if the doctor says to do it. But I guess it’s good to know that you’re ready to claim access to any of my parts if I should have them.”

Brian read her tone of voice and realized that he might have said something that annoyed her. “Um, I’m not just assuming things for myself. As my girlfriend, you have the same kind of rights. You should feel free to touch any part of my body any time you want to. If we’re alone and stuff, you can even put a part of my body in your mouth, like I hear a lot of girlfriends like to do.”

It took Stephanie a few seconds to decode what he was talking about. “Ewww, no! The only part of you I want in my mouth is your tongue; I do like kissing you.” She smacked her lips into the phone.

“Real girls do it for their boyfriends all the time, so you might want to try it. You never know, you might even like it. Some girls like it so much they go to rainbow parties where boys compete to collect the most colors of lipstick on their junk; Tim’s brother knows a guy who’s been to one of those. But, whatever. I do agree with you that kissing is good, and you have my permission to kiss me whenever you want to. I wish I was kissing you right now.”

Stephanie made a little kissy noise into the phone again. “That will have to do for now. When can I see you again?”

“Want to come to my Super Bowl party?”

“When is that?”

“It’s two Sundays from now — gee, you really are a girl, aren’t you?”

“Thanks! I’ll have to ask, but I’m pretty sure I’d be allowed to go. Which team are we rooting for?”

“Well, the Patriots are undefeated, so they’re probably going to win again. But my Dad and me are Giants fans.”

“So what color should I wear?”

“Oh brother! Both teams wear pretty much the same colors: red, white and blue, so this is one game where you can’t mess up and wear the other team’s colors. But the Giants ought to be in their red uniforms for the game, so red would be fine. Really, you’ll be pretty in whatever you wear so it doesn’t matter much.”

“Awww, you’re so sweet! That almost makes up for before.” She gave him one last kiss into the phone. “Okay, I guess I’ll say goodbye for now. See you later, Sweetie.”

“Bye.”

Stephanie hung up feeling a little less confused about who she wanted to be, but a lot more scared. Talking with Brian, she hadn’t even remotely considered going back to being Steven full time; she was sort of planning becoming Stephanie for real forever. She had another appointment in two days, and hopefully Dr. Thomas would help make it less scary. Or maybe she’d be trying to talk her into being a boy again.

That evening, she put on her softest nightgown after taking extra time to rub tea tree oil into her poor suffering nipples. She imagined that Brian was touching them, and wondered if he’d like them or complain that they weren’t growing fast enough. It probably wasn’t normal for a boy to lie in his nightie hoping his boobs would grow and trying to picture what it would be like to have a girl place where his boyfriend could stick his thing, but Steven had never really been “normal.” As a girl, could Stephanie be more normal? She certainly had more friends, so maybe.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Five weeks ago, Steven Brooks was an eleven-year-old boy who peeked at his Christmas presents. Due to his participation in a strange cross-dressed pageant at church, his punishment was to live in girl’s clothing until school started. But school was delayed, and the punishment stretched out, and situations arose that caused him to get deeper and deeper into his role. Now, Stephanie Brooks is a twelve-year-old girl seeing a psychiatrist to figure out what’s to become of her.

Episode 18

After waking up, Stephanie just lay in bed and stared at the ceiling for a while, trying to decide who to be that morning. Steven had tried to begin the previous day as a boy and it hadn’t gone well. But if Stephanie started out as a girl, would she have to wash off all her girl stuff later in the day before she could put on boy clothes. Maybe she should skip her bath this morning. But it felt better to feel all clean before putting on her pretty things. She was supposed to do boy things as a girl and girl things as a boy, and Steven had been taking showers instead of baths, so she decided to be a girl that morning but take a shower.

It was only about halfway through her shower, when she’d already shampooed her hair twice and the conditioner was sitting in it, that she realized how impossible it was to be dressed as a girl while in the shower. Her tape even came loose and her obvious non-girlness popped out, but somehow that didn’t change her mind; she had started her shower as a girl, and she was going to finish it as a girl, no matter what. She leaned back and let the water hit her chest, and she swore that her nipples felt it more strongly than before she started her herbal oils. She closed her eyes and imagined having large, full breasts reaching out to catch the droplets. They’d better hurry up and grow already!

Out of the shower, she spent extra time rubbing lavender oil into her chest since she hadn’t bathed in it, and even swallowed a sip of that gross tea-tree oil. It didn’t taste at all like tea! She put her robe on and blow-dried her hair the way her sister had shown her to do it. Her hair came out fuller and bouncier than usual. She decided to just leave it that way, without any ribbons, hair bands or barrettes.

She wanted to look nice but comfortable, so she dressed in her matching purple knit top and skirt, with black tights and her black Mary Janes. She wanted a little bit of makeup, so she did her lashes in brown mascara and gave her cheeks a light dusting of blush, finishing off by coating her lips in shiny pink gloss.

Mom seemed a little disappointed that she hadn’t tried to be a boy again, but Stephanie assured her she intended to follow her doctor’s instructions, just later in the day. She said she’d wear her boy clothes when it came time to help with dinner, and that seemed to satisfy her.

After breakfast, Stephanie went up to her room to work on her model car. She got so tightly focused on her project that when she stopped for lunch it came as a shock to look out the window and see that it was snowing. It apparently had been snowing for a while, since everything outside was coated with a thin layer of vanilla frosting. It stopped around 2:30, and she decided that it would be nice if Dad came home to a clear driveway, so she told her Mom she was going to go shovel.

Of course, shoveling meant she’d have to change her clothes. That meant a decision was needed. She was going to have to put on boy clothes later anyway, so she could just be a boy to clear the snow, too. Or she could change into different girl clothes and be a girl to clear the snow and then later take off her snowy stuff to be a boy for dinner. The doctor had told her to do boy stuff as a girl and girl stuff as a boy, and clearing snow was kind of boy stuff, so she decided to change but stay a girl.

She took off her skirt set but kept her tights on, thinking they’d be warmer under her pants than just socks would be. On top she wore her red long-sleeved t-shirt, and on the bottom she pulled up her light blue jeans with the wide flares that would fit over her pink snow boots. They were kind of tight, and Stephanie wondered if they made her butt look like the kind boys like to see.

She went down to the front hall and put on her pink jacket, hat, scarf and gloves and a look in the hall mirror confirmed that there was no doubt she was a girl. She looked like a Snowbunny Barbie or something. She poked her head into where her mother was working and said she was going out to clear snow. Mom had to look up twice and told her she looked very cute, and was even laughing a little.

Stephanie went into the garage and grabbed a snow shovel then pushed the button to open the door. She figured it would be easiest to start at the top of the driveway and work her way to the street. There was maybe four or five inches of snow, not a lot but enough so that it would have been a problem for Dad’s car. He should have taken Mom’s SUV, then he could have just gone into four-wheel drive, but he didn’t. But then Stephanie couldn’t have done a nice thing for him and cleared the driveway.

The snow was pretty light and didn’t stick together or get all slushy, so the shoveling wasn’t too bad. That is, until she got to the street. The snowplow had made like this giant ice dam across the bottom of the drive. She chopped at it with her shovel for a while, but it was really tough going.

She heard a shout from next door, “Anthony, go help her!” Stephanie looked up and saw that Tony D’Amico was in his driveway shoveling too. He was like sixteen and in high school. Stephanie’s sister was older than him, but she’d had like a crush on him when he was a freshman and had done something important in a football game. His mother was standing in their doorway pointing at Stephanie.

Tony came over and made light work of the pile of ice with his shovel. Stephanie thanked him for his help and he smiled and she kind of understood what Michelle saw in him. He had really pretty eyes and amazing muscles and she felt a little weird inside. He asked if she needed any help on the rest, and she said she was okay to do it alone. He turned to go and said, “See you around, Cutie!” and her knees got a little wobbly but she managed to stay upright.

The rest of the job was pretty easy, but there was a lot of it. The repeated motion of her arms and shoulders really made her notice that she was wearing a bra, especially when her chest muscles would flex against the cups. In order to avoid being overwhelmed by how much needed to be done, Stephanie made a game of it. She’d work on a little section at a time, and then guess how many shovelfuls it would take. At first her estimates were way off, but after a while she got better at judging how much snow was there. For the last few bits of driveway, she tried going in reverse and guessing how far she’d get in fifteen shovels.

She finished the driveway and still had the front walk to do when Mom called her in to take a break. She was worried that Stephanie had spent too much time in the cold. She made her sit in the kitchen so she didn’t drip snow all over the house, and gave her a nice big mug of hot chocolate with three marshmallows. It was yummy! Mom told her that the cold had really brought out the pink in her cheeks and it looked very cute, but she wouldn’t let her leave the kitchen to go look in the mirror.

She asked for permission to go to the bathroom, but she had to leave her boots in the kitchen. Her cheeks were really pink; Mom was right. But she didn’t know that Stephanie was wearing blush and it wasn’t all from the cold. Her coat of gloss had served to keep from getting chapped lips, even better than lip balm. She also learned that wearing tights under jeans made going to the bathroom very frustrating. She had to peel back all the layers, and her jeans were a little wet which made them clingier.

But nevertheless, it did seem like sitting down felt more comfortable. Standing like a boy just seemed so much messier; they didn’t even wipe. Stephanie decided that even if she had to go back to being a boy all the time, she would still sit to pee. It was obviously the better way to do it. She pulled her panties and tights and jeans back on, and then washed her hands. After a quick check in the mirror to fix her hair and redo her lip gloss, she went back to the kitchen to get her boots and outerwear back on before returning to work.

A thought hit her. They weren’t surprised. She got her mother’s attention. “Mom, when I was out there, Mrs. D’Amico made Tony give me a hand with the messy stuff at the end of the driveway.”

“That was nice of them. I hope you said thank you.”

“I did.” Stephanie shook her head to get back on track. “But wait, what I just realized is that neither of them seemed surprised that I was a girl. How come?”

Mom smiled. “Honey, you’ve been coming in and out of the house in skirts and dresses and makeup for over a month now, and you didn’t think the neighbors would have noticed?”

“Oh. I hadn’t really thought about that. But why were they acting like nothing was weird? They both just treated me like a real girl.” She didn’t mention that Tony had said she was cute, but remembering it made her blush anyway.

Mom shrugged. “I don’t know, Sweetie. Maybe they figured you were just some girl that’s been living with us for a while, like a niece or something. Or maybe they know it’s you but don’t have a problem with it. We live in a small town, so they could have talked to someone from church who knows your story. If they didn’t bring it up, I don’t think you need to worry. Now I want you to come back in if you start feeling too cold, okay?”

Stephanie nodded and gave her a little hug before going back out through the garage. She grabbed her shovel and set about clearing the path from the driveway to the front door, and then the walk from the front door down to the sidewalk. There was some kind of law where people had to shovel the sidewalk in front of their houses even though the town owned it, but someone else had already done it. The way it was cleared looked like old Mr. Reynolds might have done it with his snowblower.

All she had left was the path on the other side of the driveway around to the back door. It was easy to do; the snow was light and fluffy. When she had the walk finished and she was all done shoveling, a silly impulse hit her. She jumped out into the smooth whiteness of the backyard and lay down. She hadn’t made a snow angel since she was a little little kid, but for some reason it seemed like a fun idea. She did the “jumping jack” motions and then carefully stood up and tiptoed away to avoid messing her impression.

Mom was in the garage waiting for her. She was laughing, and said she saw what Stephanie had done. It was pretty, but she couldn’t come into the house with her back covered in snow. She made her leave her coat and boots and hat and stuff in the garage, where Mom hung them up on the back wall. She even made Stephanie take her wet jeans off, which she threw over the railing on the stairs.

Stephanie was ready to go back in the house, but Mom pointed out that she hadn’t been very careful when undressing and had stood in a puddle, so her tights would have to come off, too. It was a little embarrassing to be in just her t-shirt and panties, but Mom was a girl too, so it wasn’t too bad.

She did seem to have a weird look on her face, though. Stephanie asked what was wrong, and Mom said, “Sorry, Honey. It’s just that you look so natural, even half-dressed, that sometimes I have to remind myself you’re not really a girl. Go get changed and you can help me finish dinner.”

Stephanie scampered off upstairs, and thought about what she wanted to wear. She was supposed to be doing her helping out in the kitchen as a boy, so she really shouldn’t have kept her girl stuff on, but she figured no one would know and kept her panties and training bra on. To be extra careful that Mom wouldn’t see her bra, she layered over it an undershirt, a rugby shirt, and the thickest sweater Steven owned.

She just pulled a pair of old jeans over her panties, but they fit weird after spending all that time in girls’ pants, but she was sure they’d feel normal again after a while. She pulled on a pair of white tube socks, and then almost put on her pink girl sneakers instead of Steven’s grungy old ones.

Stephanie went into the bathroom and washed her face to get the makeup off. If it were up to her, she’d stay pretty all the time. But the doctor told her she had to wear her boy clothes for a couple hours each day. If that was supposed to make her want to be a boy all the time again, it wasn’t working. She had to make her hairstyle go boyish, too. She got out the hair gel and slicked it back like she’d been taught.

A check in the mirror showed that she’d forgotten to change out her earrings. She swapped her dangly ones for the silver star studs that started this whole thing. She also very nearly left her charm bracelet on. She liked wearing it; it reminded her of her boyfriend. But she was supposed to be Steven now, and he didn’t have a boyfriend.

Steven sighed and went down to the kitchen to help get supper ready. He tried really hard not to walk like a girl, and it seemed like Mom noticed he was being a boy. It looked like she was going to offer him an apron to wear, but she hung it back up without saying anything. She’d put a lasagna into the oven while Stephanie was shoveling, so she put Steven to work making garlic bread to go with it. It was kind of fun mixing up the melted garlic butter then brushing it across the sliced Italian loaf.

Dad was tired when he got home, and expressed his appreciation for the cleared snow. It almost felt wrong for Steven to get credit for a chore that Stephanie had done, and he wished he was in a skirt so she could kiss her Daddy on the cheek to say he was appreciated, too. It would be easier to be just one person and not have to bounce back and forth. She had another appointment with the doctor in a day, and hoped that she’d tell her she could dress however she wanted.

After dinner, Dad had some work to do and Mom wanted to watch her shows, so Steven was left to fend for himself. He was supposed to do something girlish while in boy clothes, but couldn’t really think of anything. He decided to fudge the rules a little, and painted his nails, something a girl would do, but also probably not what the doctor meant. Stephanie’s toes went from a baby pink to a darker cherry red, and then her fingers followed. By the time they were dry, she figured her hour was up and she could get out of Steven’s stuff and back into her own.

But it was night, so she just hung out in her room in her nightgown and robe for a while. She put a CD in and practiced singing along, using the lyrics from the little booklet that came with it. Miley was a pretty good singer, and her songs were fun, whether she was singing them or Hannah was. Stephanie thought about writing her a fan letter, since she also knew what it was like trying to be two people. One of her was even blonder than the other, just like Stephanie. But Miley was like a big famous singer/actress/movie star and probably wouldn’t write back. Stephanie was stuck getting advice from Dr. Howard.

The next morning, she spent some time rummaging in her little attic to get her secret comic books out for the doctor. She kept them in a printer paper box (Mom goes through a lot of those during tax season) tucked away behind some boxes of old homework. Stephanie made sure she had the issues in order and none were missing. She wasn’t sure why the doctor wanted to read it, but she didn’t want her missing any part of the story. The doctor wanted to see her art, so she put a couple of her model spaceships made from other models in the box.

With that out of the way, she was ready to get dressed. The last time she saw the doctor, she dressed kind of in-betweeny since she didn’t know if the appointment was for a boy or a girl, but for her second appointment she wanted to look her best for the doctor. She wore her padded bra, to give her hopefully budding figure a hand, and a full slip under her favorite purple striped dress. She went with white tights and planned to wear her black Mary Janes unless it was still messy out and her snowboots were called for.

She brushed her hair out as full as possible, and then put on a black ribbon hairband. She wanted to wear her good garnet jewelry, since it was her best, but it was just too fancy for a regular day. She opted instead to go with the pink beaded set her Aunt Jeannie had made for her for Christmas. She was pretty sure that pink and purple worked okay together. For luck, she added her charm bracelet on the same wrist as her pink bracelet, and put her watch on the other side.

She did her makeup a few times before it came out right. Her brown mascara was just a little heavier than the day before, and she put it on both her upper and lower lashes. Matching eyeliner in the thinnest line she could draw went on the upper lid only, and she finished her eyes with a light coat of pink eye shadow. A little blush went on her cheeks, just enough to keep her nervous face from looking too pale, and she used her reddest gloss to bring color and shine to her lips. She double-checked in the mirror to make sure she hadn’t overdone anything, and felt satisfied that she hadn’t. The girl that looked back at her was pretty and stylish, but didn’t seem too much older than Stephanie’s real age.

Dad hadn’t left for work yet and was still around at breakfast. He told Stephanie she looked very pretty, and asked what the special occasion was. She was kind of embarrassed to tell him that she wanted to look nice for her therapist. Mom pointed out that her appointment wasn’t until after lunch, and she felt a little more silly but looking pretty was fun anyway.

Looking pretty also meant she couldn’t do anything too messy or active or her outfit would suffer, so Stephanie spent her morning sitting upright in one of the good living room chairs, reading one of her sister Michelle’s old books. It was a paperback novel that looked like it might be interesting, a romance set in the olden days about a proper lady and a rugged man. She quickly became absorbed into the story, but it started getting kind of raunchy and she had to put it down. Michelle actually liked reading this kind of stuff? Stephanie was kind of curious about the things the guy in the story was doing to the heroine, but she couldn’t quite picture everything that was described. Mostly, it made her feel jealous that she didn’t have all the same parts as the lady in the story.

To keep her dress looking nice, Stephanie wore an apron when it was time to fix lunch. They had chicken salad sandwiches and alphabet soup, a light meal but tasty. Stephanie was feeling really nervous, so she didn’t eat too much. Mom tried engaging her in light conversation, but her mind was a little too distracted.

After lunch, she went upstairs and freshened her makeup and redid her hair. She tried three different styles before settling back on the one she’d started with, but arranged a little more neatly. She liked the way that headbands made her hair look fuller in the back. It looked like a real girl’s hair, but she thought it would really look better if it were to grow longer. She hoped she wouldn’t have to go back to dumb boy short hair, at least not before the wedding in June, but maybe she wouldn’t be allowed to let it grow any longer either.

She grabbed her box of art and went down to the living room to wait until Mom said it was time to go. She made Stephanie change into her snow boots and get her coat, and they got in the car and drove to Dr. Howard’s office. When they checked in, the receptionist took a second look at Stephanie; she must have been expecting a boy. She felt very self-conscious sitting in the waiting room until it was time for her appointment. She tried flipping through a celebrity gossip magazine, but couldn’t stop feeling like everyone was staring at her.

The lady finally called their name, and they went in to see the doctor. Stephanie put her box on the table and sat down, smoothing her dress beneath her. Dr. Howard noticed her appearance. “You’re very dressed up today, Stevie. Was this your mother’s idea?”

Stephanie shook her head. “No, I just wanted to show you that I could look good as a girl. Last time I dressed kind of general, but I really like looking prettier. I feel better this way.”

She smiled at Stephanie. “That’s very interesting. Why do you think that is?”

“Well, I know that girls can wear jeans and t-shirts and sneakers and still be girls, and sometimes I do. But I guess I’m like more comfortable if I’m in something that would say to anyone who sees me that I’m without a doubt a girl.”

“You’re afraid of being discovered?”

Stephanie shrugged. “Maybe, but I think it’s more that I just feel better as a girl and don’t want to have to go back.”

“In our last session, I told you to experiment with wearing your old male clothes and seeing if the things you liked about yourself when you dressed up as a girl were still there. Did you try that?”

“I did, but I don’t think it worked.”

The doctor wrote something on her notepad. “Why is that?”

“It’s weird. Trying to be a boy again felt more like pretending than being a girl does now. It just wasn’t me anymore.”

“Did becoming your old self again get easier the more you tried it?”

“Not really. It’s like I never really made sense before and didn’t know why. But now I’m a girl and it all just clicks, like that’s what was missing. And going back to having something missing seems wrong, now that I know it can be better.” Stephanie fought to keep back a tear; she didn’t want to mess her mascara.

Mom put a hand on her shoulder, and it surprised her; Stephanie had forgotten she was even there. “Honey, I didn’t know you felt so strongly about this. Boy or girl, I just want you to be happy. And hopefully Dr. Howard can help us find a way for you to be.”

“Well, your experience is atypical for a gender identity disorder case, but I’m not prepared to say your psyche isn’t legitimately feminine. I just don’t know you well enough yet.” She turned her attention to the box. “So what did you bring me?” She opened the lid and pulled out Stephanie’s models. “These weren’t what I was expecting.”

Stephanie shrugged. “You wanted to see my comics, and there was extra room in the box so I figured I’d show you more of the stuff I’ve made. Those were supposed to be airplanes from like World War Two, but I rearranged the parts and made spaceships.”

Dr. Howard held up the models. “I suppose this blue one with the gray stripes is the ‘Good Guy’ and this red and black one is the ‘Bad Guy?’ Which one wins more often when they fight?”

Stephanie giggled. “No, they don’t fight at all.” She stood up and took the black one from the doctor. “They’re not even the same size. This one is form starting colonies on other planets. It’s got like a thousand people in it. These little dots along here are windows. When it gets to the planet it lands like a rocket, on its tail, like this.” She waved it through the air and then stood it on the table. “After it lands, the wings open up and fold down like this.” She pivoted the parts around so they seemed to resemble the petals of a flower. On top of the petals were rows of little bubbles, like marbles cut in half. “Each of these domes are greenhouses where the colony can grow its food, until they fix the air on the planet and they can make farms.”

Dr. Howard was impressed. She smiled at her patient. “That’s very creative. Have you always been interested in science fiction?”

“I guess so. Lately I kind of like magic stuff better than space stuff, but anything that’s not about the boring real world is fun.”

“So you like escaping from reality?”

“More so before, when it just felt like real life was everyone against me. But my new reality is better.”

“Do you think that maybe the whole girl thing is just another way of escaping?”

Stephanie became visibly shaken. “Being a girl doesn’t feel like pretending to me. It seems more real than when I was a boy. I’m like more connected to the world, not like I’m getting away from it.”

The doctor backed off a little. “Okay. So what does this other spaceship do?”

Stephanie brightened to show off her handiwork. “This one is smaller. It only holds one person, over here in the cockpit. It’s for exploring in deep space. So all this back here is engine. But so the pilot doesn’t get lonely, this part here is an antenna for getting radio messages from home. It can unfold, see?” She pulled on a lever and a set of bars like the ribs on an umbrella popped out, connected with a kind of lacy filigree. “This way the radio will get better reception when it’s far away from base. But it goes so far away that it takes a long time for the radio waves to get there, so they can’t have a two-way conversation. It’s mostly just news and music and stuff, mixed in with encouraging words from friends and family, to keep the pilot from going space crazy.”

“That’s really very thoughtful of you. And a very pretty piece of art you’ve made. I’m glad you showed it to me.”

Mom interrupted. “I’m very impressed, Sweetheart. Why have you been keeping talent like this to yourself?”

“I don’t know. It just seemed like you and Dad only cared about school stuff, and this was just me not following the rules and doing my own thing again.”

“Aww, Honey, I’m sorry if we made you feel that way.” She gave Stephanie a light hug. “You do really have an artistic streak that we didn’t know about. Maybe we should be looking for a school for you that has a good art program.”

The doctor tried to get things back on track. She looked into the box and pulled out one of the stapled bundles of papers. “So this is the comic book you’ve been making?” She took a look at the cover, which identified it as something called “Dreaming Sam,” then flipped through a few pages. “Wow. You did a professional looking cover, with an issue number and a date and everything, even a cover price, although oddly you didn’t put your name on it anywhere. There’s no writer or artist credited. Why is that?”

Stephanie shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I wanted to pretend someone else made it, maybe?”

“From the date on this issue, you were barely older than ten when you wrote this comic. But the artwork is very impressive.” She opened the book and pointed to a picture that spanned two pages. “Look at the detail on this dragon, here. The car Sam’s family is driving in looks like it might have been traced from a magazine or something, but that monster seems to be an original creation of yours. You definitely have a talent for drawing. There are a couple of things I’m noticing even at first blush. First, despite all the detail you put into the scene, we never get a good look at Sam’s face. Second, Sam’s outfit and hairstyle are unisex enough that we can’t really tell if he’s a boy or she’s a girl, especially when the mother uses the nickname Sammie and spells it with an ‘ie’ which is more feminine than the usual ‘y’ you’d get for a male Sammy, so we don’t know if Sam is short for Samuel or Samantha. Which is it?”

Stephanie wrinkled her forehead. “I don’t think I did that on purpose, but I guess Sam can be like whatever kid reads it.”

“That’s an interesting way of looking at it. I also notice that you and Sam have the same initials, which makes the whole vague gender thing even more curious. I’ll have to spend some more time looking through the rest of these before our next session.”

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Five weeks ago, eleven-year-old Steven Brooks made a foolish decision and has been living with the consequences ever since. He peeked at his Christmas presents and for punishment his parents decided to make him dress like a girl during his vacation, since he’d already had to be a girl for the pageant at church, which was criss-crossing the boys’ and girls’ roles. School was delayed, and the punishment extended, but it really doesn’t seem like a punishment any more. Stephanie is enjoying her life as a girl far more than Steven liked being a boy, but there have been a few bumps in the road.

Episode 19

Saturday morning seemed kind of normal. Stephanie was lying on the living room floor watching cartoons. She had on her red tshirt with the sleeves that could come down over her hands if she wanted to under her brown corduroy jumper with tights on her legs and girl shoes on her feet, but otherwise it wasn’t that different from a Saturday morning Steven might have had back when he was a boy.

Okay, so she was also flipping through her new Cosmo Girl when a commercial came on or the show got boring. It had come in the mail that morning. She’d almost forgotten that her cousin Dan had gotten her a subscription for her birthday. It was kind of cool getting a piece of mail addressed to “Stephanie Brooks,” like it somehow made her existence official, like in that old movie Dad likes to watch every Christmas where the Post Office declares that guy to be Santa Claus. Was there a way she could use that same argument? “The U.S. Post Office delivered mail here to Stephanie Brooks, so I will have to continue to be Stephanie Brooks as long as these magazines keep showing up.” Would Dad go for that? Probably not, but he might get a laugh out of it. She’d have to try it on him.

The magazine was pretty interesting. Jessica Alba was on the cover, and Steven had only really known her from the Fantastic Four movie. The article about her turned her into a real person. There was a whole kind of Valentine’s Day section about how to get your guy to fall for you, and Stephanie took mental notes on how to use those techniques the next time she saw Brian. However, another article warned about what your boyfriend’s mother thinks of you, and she got worried. She was already kind of scared of Mrs. Somers.

There was a section on beauty tips, and Stephanie found it far more interesting than the cartoons, so she turned the TV off and went up to her room to look in the mirror. There was a section on hairstyles, and it really made her wish her honey-brown layered bob would grow just a little longer. She didn’t quite have enough to make a cute ponytail or braid. She tried a few things from the magazine, and it mostly just made her frustrated. Why couldn’t she have turned into a girl earlier so her hair would have had time to grow? It just wasn’t fair.

There were some cool exercises for getting “6-pack abs,” which made Stephanie strip to her underwear so she could get a better look at her body. She was a couple inches shy of five feet tall and only weighed 86 pounds, so she was smaller than the girl in the picture of the exercises. Her hips only went out a little bit, not nearly as much as a real girl’s would, and her waist only went in a little bit. And of course, her chest didn’t go out much at all. She had a really crummy figure. She tried to tell herself that it was because she was much younger than the model in the photo, but she knew the real reason. She had a stupid boy body, and all the lavender oil in the world couldn’t change that.

She just wanted to crawl into a hole. The only reason she bothered getting dressed again was that she didn’t want to have to explain, in case Mom came in or something.

Her sister must have been tuned in to Stephanie’s psychic frequency or something, because right when her spirits needed a lift, her cell rang with Michelle’s ringtone. She went over to her bureau where it was charging and answered. “Hello?”

“Hey, Little Sis, you sound a little down. Is something the matter?”

Stephanie sighed. “I just got my first Cosmo Girl in the mail, and I was just feeling frustrated that I’m never going to look like the girls in the pictures. I’ve got a dumb square flat boy body.”

Michelle almost laughed in response. “Kiddo, every girl who reads that looks at those pictures and hates her body. They’re unrealistic. Not only do they use mutant waif models, but then they Photoshop those images so they end up with no resemblance whatsoever to reality.”

She wasn’t buying that argument. “But at least those other girls reading it are still girls. They might not look like models, but they know their bodies are at least going to be girl-shaped, with hips and boobs and stuff. Mine just isn’t.”

Her sister could hear Stephanie’s pain coming through. “That’s where you’re wrong, Stephie. It just so happens that’s sort of why I was calling you. Let me send you a picture.” Stephanie’s phone made a weird beepy noise. “Did you get it? Go through the menu to your picture gallery.”

Stephanie pushed the buttons on her phone to try to do what Michelle had described. She found the picture her sister had sent, of a cute brunette girl sitting on what looked like Michelle’s bed in her dorm room. She was wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts. “Okay. I got it. Who is this?”

“That’s my new friend Annette. She’s the one I told you about before. I took the time to get to know her, and some of my assumptions were wrong, but she’s helping me try to understand what you’re going through. And you can tell from that picture that she’s got, what did you call it, boobs and hips and stuff. It’s too bad I took the picture from the front; she’s got an amazing butt too, way better than mine. Hey, quit it!” Stephanie couldn’t tell what was happening, there were some weird noises on the line.

A new voice came on. Her voice was a little lower than Michelle’s, but still sounded like a girl. “Hi there. I took the phone away from your sister. I’m Annette, and as I understand it we have a few things in common. She showed me your picture, and I think you’re a very pretty girl. When you get a little older, I’m sure you’ll break a lot of hearts.”

Stephanie was trying to piece together what had been said. “Um, hi. If you’re the one she was talking about before, that means you’re really a boy?”

Annette tried not to go full-on diva to a poor confused kid. “No, it means I’m really a girl, but I had a considerable birth defect of being stuck in a male body.”

“You look like a pretty girl now. So they fixed you with operations and drugs and hormones and all that?”

“Thank you, Sweetie. I’ve been on hormones since my seventeenth birthday. I was an emancipated minor, so the doctor was able to start me early. I had a part-time job that paid for them. I haven’t had any surgeries; what you see there in the picture was all grown naturally. I wasn’t even wearing a bra, so you can’t accuse me of padding it. There’s only one surgery I want, but it’s a little beyond my means at the moment.”

“What’s that?” Stephanie couldn’t imagine.

“Oh you’re so cute! My plumbing situation still hasn’t been tended to. Once I graduate and get a job, I’ll start saving up for my SRS, or as it’s known in the vernacular, my chop-it-offa-me.”

It took her a moment, but Stephanie eventually decoded what she was talking about. “So you’re saying that those hormone thingies could make a dumb flat square boy body into a curvy pretty girl body?”

“Sure, that’s how all girls, even the genetic ones, get their curves. It’s just that girls like you and me can’t make our own hormones so we have to get them from somewhere else. When you’re old enough, if you’re still sure you want to be female, your doctor can put you on them. But in the meantime try to find an endocrinologist who’ll put you on blockers to stop your body going through male puberty. So first you’ll need a good transgender-friendly psychologist to declare you officially a gender identity disorder patient before the endo can treat you.”

“Is that what you did?” Your body doesn’t look male at all.

“Thanks again, Sweetheart. No, I took a nonstandard route that I would not recommend. I caused an injury to myself that stopped the production of my male hormones, but it also got me locked up for a couple years in a psych ward, and pretty much ruined my family, so I’d say you’d be better off going through proper channels. Besides, you might not be able to tell by that picture but I’m too tall, I’ve got horribly thick wrists, and my feet are enormous! In the wrong light, I’ve even got an Adam’s apple, so I guess there is one other surgery I might want. It was a growth spurt I had when I was fourteen than made me do what I did, and of course it was too late to undo what had already happened to my body.” Annette sniffled a little.

Michelle came back on the line. “She’s had a rough life. Anyway, she’s given me a lot of insight into what it’s like for you, and what it would be like if you wanted to continue to be Stephanie. Am I right that you’ve kind of been thinking that way? I mean, talking about wanting your body to grow into a womanly shape is serious stuff. You know that if you went down that road for real, you can’t really come back? It’s not like a costume you can just take off; you’d be changing the way your actual body works, and maybe eventually even taking pieces off.”

Stephanie thought about it. “I really like it better as a girl than I ever did as a boy, and Mom’s got me going to this psycho doctor about it, and she’s mostly trying to talk me out of it. I think that’s maybe to see how seriously I want it. I haven’t really said it out loud to Mom and Dad, but yeah, I think I would want to be Stephanie forever. It doesn’t seem like a costume at all. In fact, my doctor makes me wear my boy clothes for a while each day, and they make me feel like I’m pretending more than any skirt or dress ever does.”

“Okay. I’m sure your doctor will keep you from making any rash decisions, and make sure you’ve thought about all the implications. But if that’s what you want, I’ll support you 100%. If you ever need me to back you up with the folks, I’ve got your back. Sister or brother, I love you and won’t ever stop.”

“Thanks.” Stephanie was doing a little sniffling of her own. “That really helps. I love you too. When did you get so cool?”

Michelle laughed. “I’ve always been cool, but you were so caught up in the whole ‘little brother / big sister’ rivalry that you never noticed. And now that you know, I’m sure that if you ever did go back to being my little brother we’d get along a lot better. I’m not trying to push you to go back, either. I love having a little sister. You’re cute and fun and very sweet. But either way you want to be is fine with me as long as you do what feels right for you.”

“Aw. I don’t know what to say. You’re the best sister a girl could have.” Stephanie wished she could give her big sis a hug. They exchanged goodbyes and she was left with a warm feeling inside and a wide smile on her face.

Talking with her big sister reminded her that she hadn’t heard from her “little sister” in a while. She wanted to give Robin a call, but she wasn’t sure what the situation was for her. When Robin’s father had crashed her birthday party, Stephanie’s Dad had taken charge and seemed to know stuff. So she thought he might still know stuff and tracked him down in his study. She had to knock on the door and wait while he hid his papers before she could come in.

She asked his opinion on whether it would be okay for her to call Robin, and he figured that there shouldn’t be any problem with that. He even offered to place the call for her, so he could talk to Robin’s mother for her and make sure. She handed Dad her phone and said that Robin was number seven in her speed dial. He called and said hi to Kendra, Robin’s mother, told her who he was and asked if Robin, or maybe Bobby was available to talk to Stephanie, and then held up his hand to let her know something was happening while he listened for a long time. He said that whatever Mrs. Perrone had said sounded like a good thing, and that he understood. He then gave her Stephanie’s number and asked that if Robin had some free time later in the week, she would love to hear from her, and told her that she was still free to call him any time for legal advice.

He ended the call and passed the phone back to Stephanie. He told her that things had changed for the better at Robin’s house. Her father had spent the weekend away and calmed down enough that her mother was able to convince him to talk to a counselor. He was ready to accept that Bobby needed to be Robin, at least some of the time, and they were still working on figuring out where things were going to end up. Her mother even said that before she got pulled away to answer the phone, she’d been playing a Barbie-themed board game with both Robin and her dad, and Robin was in her prettiest dress.

It seemed nice, but Stephanie was still kind of bummed that she didn’t get to talk to her “little sister.” She thanked her Dad for his help, and let him get back to work. She gave him a little hug on her way out, as thanks for being supportive. Compared to Robin’s troubles with her father and Michelle’s friend’s family worries, Stephanie had it really good at home. On the spur of the moment, she even gave her Daddy a little kiss on the cheek. It felt right.

She was almost skipping when she left to go find her Mom, who was busy on the computer, probably working on someone’s taxes. She had a lot of work from January to April, and not very much the rest of the year. Stephanie wasn’t sure how much money she earned at it, but Dad was a lawyer, so they must have had plenty. She stood off to the side quietly and waited for an opportunity. Mom finished one of her documents, rolled her neck, and stretched her arms. She blinked and looked up and saw Stephanie there.

She walked over to her mother and gave her a hug and said thanks for being there. Mom was a little confused, but she didn’t ask any questions and just held her tight. Stephanie didn’t want to have to explain why she was shedding a couple of tears, so she kept her face out of sight as she left the room. She probably wouldn’t have believed that Stephanie wasn’t crying for herself, but for other girls like her who had it a whole lot worse.

It was getting close to lunchtime, and both her parents were engrossed in work, so Stephanie decided to try to make lunch for all of them on her own. She looked through the fridge and the cupboards to see what they had that would make a good lunch, that she knew how to make. She decided to make fish sticks, macaroni and cheese, and green peas for a vegetable.

The cooking went fairly smoothly. The peas in the microwave and the fish sticks in the oven both had instructions saying how long they would take to cook, so it was easy to synchronize things. The only timing she couldn’t control was how long it took the water for the macaroni to boil, but that just meant she had to pay attention to the pot, but the only other thing she had to do while it was cooking was set the table. She decided that they’d be eating in the dining room instead of the kitchen even though it was just a Saturday lunch.

When everything was ready, Stephanie collected her parents and told them that she’d fixed lunch. They were both surprised and grateful. Dad laughed a little when he saw the meal she’d prepared; he said it suited her. She asked if she’d made a mistake, and he just smiled and said that you could tell a twelve-year-old planned the menu. It was the kind of food that took him back to when he was a kid, and he was glad. Parents sure acted weird sometimes.

After lunch, she went up to her room and finished working on her model car. It looked kind of nice when it was done, but Stephanie really wasn’t into cars. It was also too small to be a car for any of her dolls, but she didn’t really play with them; they just sat on the bureau making her room prettier. When the paint was dry, she took her car with her to show her folks. They were down in the living room watching some dumb news show. She had to wait for a commercial.

When she did catch their attention, she showed them her little car. Dad looked it over and nodded approvingly. She showed him that the doors could open and so could the hood and see all the engine stuff was there. Mom just smiled and said that it was pretty, and asked why she hadn’t made it into something else, like the spaceships made from airplane models that she’d shown her doctor. She said that they’d gotten her a fancy model, so they deserved to see it the way it was made to look, before she rebuilt into her vision of a magical alien castle. That led into a whole conversation where Stephanie had to explain what her mother was talking about.

It was easier to show than to tell, so she ran up to her room and the rest of her creations out of her attic closet. She explained that it hadn’t really been her thing to follow directions (or rules, which earned a laugh) and it felt much better to create something that didn’t exist before than to just make the same model a billion other kids were making. The other part of it was that it was fun to dream about being someplace far away, another world where the people were different.

Mom and Dad either thought her work was very interesting, or they were just faking it to seem like they cared about something that mattered to her. Either way, they listened to her stories about the scientific explorers, and the hospital ship with detachable ambulance, and even the one from the water planet that could convert into a submarine. They seemed kind of surprised that Stephanie (or Steven, actually) could put all the work into making something that elaborate. There really were a lot of sides to Steven that he’d kept private and didn’t show anyone.

Mom told Dad about the comic books that the doctor had, and he said he’d like to read them when Stephanie got them back. It was really embarrassing for her. They’d only seemed interested in school stuff before, and this was different. She said she’d think about showing them to him. It was just really weird to almost be connecting to her parents.

Stephanie wasn’t comfortable with the way her mother and father were looking at her, so she kept to herself after dinner and read a book in her room until bedtime. She’d had a very emotionally overwhelming day. She spent extra time massaging tea tree oil into her chest before putting on her nightgown, picturing her breasts growing with every drop. She imagined waking up in the morning and seeing two big boobies filling out the top of her nightie.

When she finally did wake up, nothing new was growing there, but Mom was telling her to hurry up and get dressed. They were going to church in Morton again, so they had to get an early start. She said there wasn’t time for a bath, so Stephanie just took a shower instead and had to rush with the hair dryer. Mom had laid out her clothes for her — she got to wear her pretty dress with the purple stripes.

There seemed to be some tension in the car again on the way to Morton. Even though everyone was dressed up nice and looking sharp before they needed to go, Mom seemed mad that they took too long to get ready and said something mean to Dad about it. He turned to Stephanie and warned her that if she really wanted to seem authentically female she’d have to master the talent for getting angry for no reason and blaming others for your mood. Mom shot him the scariest look that Stephanie had ever seen, and she tried to shrink down in the backseat and not be noticed.

At the church, Mom put a fake smile on her face, and made Stephanie make one too. It was awkward. Stephanie also had to sit in the pew between her parents which was even worse, but once the service started she could mostly ignore them and focus on the religion stuff. She’d never given a lot of though to God, but lately she’d been praying that he’d make her into a real girl.

The sermon was pretty boring, but she paid close attention to it just to keep from noticing what was going on around her. The pastor talked about forgiving your neighbors, and she tried to see if her parents were listening to him, but it seemed like they weren’t. They just glared at each other every so often. She tried smiling at them, for real this time, but

At the end of the service, the reverend stood by the door again and shook everyone’s hand and wished them a good day. Stephanie thanked him and kind of shrugged to apologize for her family. Once again they had to skip out on the after-service refreshments.

Before Dad started the car, Stephanie leaned forward and said she knew they were fighting and it was all her fault and she wished she could fix it, but she didn’t know how. She started weeping uncontrollably, and regretted using a little mascara. Her face was going to be a mess. Mom opened her door and went around and got in back, and then embraced Stephanie in a firm hug.

“Honey, your father and I aren’t fighting about you.” She stroked Stephanie’s hair. “We’ve just been arguing about what church to go to. I wanted to try a different one back home, but he wanted to stay the same denomination which meant traveling three towns over. It’s not your fault at all.”

Stephanie was probably staining Mom’s blouse. She sputtered, “B-b-b-but it’s my fault we got kicked out of our old church.”

“Sweetie, your situation just helped us find out what a bunch of hypocrites that old church was. We’re better off without them.”

“Are you sure it’s not my fault?”

Dad chimed in from the front seat. “It’s not your fault. Your mother and I are just being stubborn. We’ll work something out before next Sunday so we won’t have to fight again. Okay?”

Mom had an actual smile on her face. “Okay.”

Dad smiled, too. “Now what do you say I take my girls out for brunch?”

Mom opened her purse and took out a tissue. “Sure, but first we’ve got to fix up a little mess here.” She dabbed at Stephanie’s face and cleaned her smudged eyes, and gave her another tissue to blow her nose. Stephanie checked her face in Mom’s compact mirror, and she looked okay. She hadn’t brought her mascara in her own purse, but she did reapply her lip gloss. Things were definitely looking up.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Last year, Steven Brooks was a sad, lonely eleven-year-old boy who’d rather spend time in worlds of his own imagining than to have to face the real world. His parents only cared about grades, and his sister was a jerk. He was hoping to get a videogame for Christmas that would allow him to escape even further, and took a risk to peek inside his mother’s closet, which turned out to be the worst and best thing Steven ever did. He got caught, and his punishment (for weird reasons related to his sister teasing him about a crazy pageant) was to dress and live as a girl for the duration of his school break. Since then, Stephanie’s eyes have been opened to a better world with friends and a loving family and plenty of reasons to smile. In this installment, her doctor has some interesting news, and her secret is revealed to significant people. (It’s a supersized one to make up for taking so long between chapters.)

Episode 20

Monday was a busy day for phone calls at Stephanie’s house. In the middle of the morning, her therapist called. She said a few words to Mom, but then she wanted Stephanie to get on the extension. She was calling to ask permission to show Stephanie’s artwork to a friend of hers, an art expert. The doctor made it clear that none of the details of her identity would be revealed; she just wanted an opinion on some of the aspects of the things Stephanie had made. Mom wasn’t sure, but Stephanie thought it was okay, so they gave Dr. Howard the go ahead.

In the early afternoon, Robin called just after school, to return the call Stephanie had made on Saturday. She was really happy, even though she’d had to pretend to be Bobby at school. She’d gotten this really cool doctor who understood everything, and they’d made a deal that she could change into her girl clothes as soon as she got off the school bus, every day. She had to be a boy on Sundays for church and stuff, but all day Saturday was girl time!

Stephanie was glad for her friend. She was really relieved that her dad had come around. Robin said that he was still a little upset, but her doctor was helping with that. The other deal they’d made was that when school was out (which felt like forever but was only like five months away), she could spend the whole summer as Robin, and if she was still sure she wanted to be a girl in the fall, Dr Howard would sign some form that would let her become Robin in school. Stephanie was a little surprised that they had the same doctor, but didn’t mention it. Robin did say that Stephanie’s dad had helped them find her, so that kind of made sense. It also gave her hope that maybe she could work out some kind of similar arrangement.

She could hear the smile in Robin’s voice, even over the phone, and she had to smile herself. It wasn’t that long ago that Robin had become miserable and depressed when her father had tried to turn her back into a boy forever. Stephanie really hoped he was seriously trying to accept her now, and not just faking it. It made her think about how supportive her own family was being about the whole thing.

Not long after Robin said goodbye, her phone rang again. This time it was Debbie. She called to see if Stephanie wanted to go shopping with her at the mall on Wednesday. Her mom was getting her some new clothes for spring, and it was always fun to have a friend along to lend an opinion about what looked good, since even though her mother had great fashion sense, she was still a grownup.

Stephanie thought that sounded like fun, but she had to turn down the invitation; Wednesday was her dance class. Debbie asked what kind of class it was, and Stephanie said it was ballroom dancing to get ready for her cousin’s wedding. She thought she’d mentioned the wedding before, but Debbie was all confused and pressed her for more details. She started at the beginning and explained that she’d actually volunteered to serve as a junior bridesmaid back at Christmas, before she was planning on being a girl full-time, and it just kind of worked out.

Debbie started gushing about how lucky Stephanie was to get to be in a wedding party, and that she was so jealous! Stephanie couldn’t answer a lot of her questions about what kind of dress she’d be wearing, or where the church was or anything, but she was able to describe her dance partner for Debbie. She started by telling her that Christopher was a pain in the butt and a major jerk, but she wanted a more visual description, like how tall he was and stuff.

Stephanie told her that unlike Andrea, the bridesmaid paired with her cousin Dan, who was much shorter than her dance partner, she didn’t complain at the end of every class that she had a stiff neck from looking up. Christopher was just tall enough so that she only had to tilt her chin a little to meet his eyes even when she was in her heels. For some reason, Stephanie felt herself blushing when thinking about his eyes, and tried to change the subject to just talk about the rest of the wedding party.

Debbie was cool with that and eventually she remembered why she’d called, and went to go check with her mother, then asked if Stephanie would be able to make it if they moved the shopping to Friday. Stephanie realized she should probably check with her mother as well, and made Debbie wait this time while she checked. Mom said it sounded okay, but then the girls had to pass their phones over so the mothers could finalize the details. Mom hung up before giving Stephanie her phone back, so she didn’t even get to say goodbye, but she was glad she’d get to go hang out at the mall with her girlfriend. It made her feel like she was somehow more authentic, since magazines and TV and stuff made it seem like all that real teenage girls ever did for fun was go shopping together.

Brian called Stephanie after dinner and she took her phone up to her room. She got a happy squishy feeling inside when he said he missed her. She pretended to kiss him through the phone and he played along with it and talked about lately strawberry had become his favorite flavor. He described running his fingers through her hair and smelling her perfume, and she didn’t want to correct him that the only thing he’d be smelling in her hair was shampoo. It was just too cute.

She said that it was too bad that it would be almost a whole week before she could see him again, but that she was really looking forward to his Super Bowl party. Would they be able to sneak away for a few private kisses at some point? She warned him that in front of other people, he’d only be getting quick pecks with her mouth closed and her lips tightly puckered; no tongues. If those were her rules, he said he’d definitely find a way to get her alone to hold her tight and share some of their favorite kind of kisses. He also said some things about running his hands along her body that made her really scared and nervous, yet very curious at the same time. She closed her eyes and let her own hands drift across her dress, wondering what it would feel like if she let her boyfriend do that.

She had to snap out of her reverie when Brian’s father suddenly came on the line and said he wanted to talk to her Dad. She took a moment to check her hair and makeup in the mirror, and then went to find him. She handed him her phone and then stuck around trying to figure out what they were talking about. At least he was smiling, which was kind of a good thing. He said that something sounded like a good idea; that due to their unusual circumstances he hadn’t really gotten a chance to get to know Brian before he started seeing his daughter, since he hadn’t realized at the time that she truly was his daughter. He said that something else shouldn’t take that long and he’d be happy to do it.

At least unlike Mom he didn’t hang up before giving her back the phone. She got to say goodbye to her boyfriend. She said she’d see him on Sunday, and he said he could hardly wait, and called her “Cutie.” She was smiling inside and out when she closed the phone and didn’t hear what her Dad said. When he repeated it, her heart started panicking. Her father had gotten invited to Brian’s Super Bowl party, too! She’d have to figure out how to steal kisses from her boyfriend in front of him! She put on a fake smile and said that it was great they’d get to spend some time together, and then rushed back to her room to try to calm down.

She couldn’t quite figure out what was bothering her about it, until she remembered seeing how scary Dad used to get back when her sister Michelle was younger, any time she’d brought a boy home. It’s like he shifted from his private family personality to his serious lawyerly courtroom self. He could be very intimidating when he wanted to be, and if he thought some young buck wasn’t good enough for “his little girl,” he’d turn it up to full. Many of the guys who’d tried to date Michelle had changed their minds after meeting Dad. Stephanie worried that Brian might do the same — she already had a few shortcomings as a girl and didn’t want an overprotective father to turn out to be the last straw that made him give up on her.

She avoided her parents for the rest of the night and went to bed still feeling kind of anxious. She took her time rubbing the tea tree oil into her chest at bedtime, and tried to consciously will her breasts into sprouting. She wanted to have something that Brian would want to try to touch, even if she wasn’t sure if she was ready to allow him to. But if her Dad did get all super-scary on Brian and he didn’t dump her for it, he might end up deserving some kind of reward. She’d have to think about it.

For her therapy session on Tuesday, Stephanie wanted to dress a little more casually than the last time so the doctor wouldn’t think she was trying too hard, but still look girlish. The weather wasn’t quite as cold so she was able to get away with wearing her pink lace-trimmed t-shirt top under her white cardigan sweater, paired with her denim skirt and ribbed white tights and her black patent Mary Janes on her feet.

Since the doctor had already seen her pink jewelry, she wore her set with the silver stars, and added her charm bracelet since it had brought her good luck the last time. She put a little pink sparkly gloss on her lips and just enough of her brown mascara on her lashes to call attention to her eyes. Figuring out how to do her hair was always the hardest part. She finally settled on clipping it back with a barrette on each side and then teasing it out in the back to fluff out.

She threw her things in her black patent handbag and she was ready to go. But her appointment was several hours away, so she had to kill some time. She did a little internet surfing, and then read one of her sister’s old books for a while. It seemed like forever before Mom said it was time to go. Stephanie freshened up her lip gloss before fetching her coat and getting into the car. Mom kind of looked at her funny, since it was the first time Stephanie was in a good mood when going to see Dr. Howard.

After they were shown into the doctor’s office and she had them sit down, she reached behind her desk and returned Stephanie’s box of artwork. She gave it a quick peek, but didn’t check completely to see if everything was there. She trusted the doctor.

So it came as a shock when Dr. Howard opened a folder on her desk and showed a page from one of Stephanie’s comic books, with some red marks all over it. She stood up and was prepared to shout at her when the doctor said that she’d shown photocopies of Stephanie’s drawings to an artist friend of hers who pointed out some interesting things she hadn’t noticed. Stephanie felt extremely embarrassed and sat back down before asking what she found.

Dr Howard turned toward Mom. “You really should read this if you get a chance. Your child is very talented. The storyline is a variation on the standard hero’s quest, where a lone traveler goes exploring in a strange world and encounters all kinds of unusual characters. What does make this one unusual is that unlike, say, Harry Potter or Flash Gordon, the hero here doesn’t hang onto any of these new friends. In most of these issues, the main character comes alone, meets some interesting people, has a bit of adventure with them, and in the end goes on again alone. I think that structure shows how truly lonely our author here was, or maybe even still is.”

She looked at Stephanie. “You have said that you feel more friendly now than you did when you wrote this, and you’ve said that you think it’s because you’re in girls’ clothes. There might be a hint of that in here, too. But before I show you, I want you to know that even the things written by adults are derivative at times, so don’t take this as criticism of your technique. Many of the people your Sam meets are familiar archetypes, like a witch or a musketeer. But what my friend showed me was that many of those archetypes all seem to incorporate the same kind of ambiguous gender as your protagonist. She said it looked like you probably used reference pictures for some of your drawings, which isn’t a bad thing; a lot of professionals draw that way.”

She showed them a pair of pictures. On the left was Stephanie’s drawing, and on the right was a painting by someone else, but they both showed an armored knight sitting on a horse. “Now this character is Sir Gideon, and he’s clearly described as male, but Cheyenne pointed out to me that your reference for this drawing was a historical painting she’d recognized of Joan of Arc, who was famous for cross-dressing in a man’s armor.”

She showed another pair of images. “And this elfin woman here is a sort of Robin Hood like forest dweller named Arbora. She’s very definitely female, almost overtly sexualized. But here the reference seems to be from a vintage photo of Mary Martin as Peter Pan on Broadway, a woman famous for pretending to be a man.”

“There were some others, too.” She pulled another picture out, but this time didn’t have a reference for comparison. “Here is a gathering of clearly male wizards with long beards, and I hadn’t realized that these fancy magical robes they’re wearing are really only slightly altered images of ballgowns. Stevie did a pretty good job at turning the dresses into more masculine figures, and it was only when Cheyenne showed me that the one on this guy here in the back seems to have an Empire waist that we realized where these fashions came from. It’s very impressive work!”

“So, what’s got me wondering is whether you did this intentionally or not. Do you remember how you chose your reference pictures?”

Stephanie shrugged. “I just Googled for photos of stuff. I forget how I found each of those. I don’t think I was looking for women or men or whatever.”

“So your way of designing characters in a sense ignored gender?” The doctor wrote something in her notepad. “Interesting. There just might have been clues that you had doubts about your own sexual identity before this year. There’s a danger of misinterpreting things through the lens of hindsight, so we have to be careful, but I think in this case it’s legitimate.”

Stephanie couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Does this mean you’re going to send me to the doctors with operations and hormones and stuff to turn me into a girl for real forever and always?” She was almost too excited, and Mom shot her a stern look.

Dr. Howard frowned. “Now I didn’t say that. I think we still need some time to understand exactly what’s going on for you. First of all, the current standards in this country don’t allow sexual reassignment surgery to be performed on a minor, so put that option out of your mind completely. Second, I’ve talked to endocrinologists, and they prefer not to start someone your age on hormone replacement therapy. Again, the standards want them to wait until the patient is an adult. What they are allowed to do to a younger patient is give them hormones to delay puberty. But even in that case, you’re still a little young. Sexual development is related to general development, and you’re around the age where girls are taller than boys, so if they blocked you now you could end up stunted. Ideally we’d want your boy hormones to make you grow a little more before they turned them off, and it should be well before they made you too hairy and muscularly manly. And in the meanwhile that gives us time to make sure. We’re talking about making permanent, irreversible changes to your body, so it shouldn’t be done on a whim.”

Stephanie was confused. “But I don’t want to be a boy anymore! Even if you make me dress in boy clothes I’ll be a girl in boy clothes. Even if I still have to have boy parts, I’ll know I’m a girl, and as soon as I’m old enough I’ll get one of those doctors to give me girl parts.”

Mom just stared with her eyes as big as possible, but Dr. Howard just kind of laughed. “I understand your conviction is strong. I’m not going to try to push you one way or the other. I’d just like you to do the same, and not try to push yourself one way or the other. It’s okay for you to explore femininity; just don’t jump into it with both feet. Wade in slowly before you get in over your head, as it were.”

Stephanie still wasn’t satisfied. “Robin said there’s a form you can sign to let her go to school as a girl. Can you do that for me?”

“While I can’t really discuss what I may or may not have said to someone who might be another patient, it is indeed within my power to write a letter to whatever school system you end up in, if we’re really certain you’re gender dysphoric. But speaking of schools, there was something else I wanted to bring up with you. The friend I showed your work to is actually an art teacher at the Hutchinson School. She thinks you’d definitely qualify for their arts program, if you’re interested.”

Stephanie didn’t know what that meant, but Mom seemed to recognize the name. “I hadn’t even been thinking about them as an option, but I guess it makes sense. Do I need to drop any particular name to make an appointment to talk with an admissions officer?”

Dr. Howard handed her a business card. “Call Ruth Lancaster at this number. Give her your name. She should be expecting a call, but if she doesn’t you can tell her that Cheyenne Lucas recommended your daughter for placement.”

The adults were caught up in school details, and Stephanie was mostly tuning them out, but she perked up at hearing a magic word. “Daughter? So you mean I’ll get to go to this school as a girl?”

She smiled at her patient. “They have a very liberal policy toward LGBT students, so I doubt you’d even need my permission, but yes, I think it would be fine to allow you to present as female. Consider it a trial run. If you decide to attend their school, we could let you spend the next five months or so as a full-time female, which should also get you through your cousin’s wedding that you’ve committed to a playing a female role in. Come the summer we can reevaluate, and if you decide to change your mind, that would be okay. I imagine that a place like Hutchinson wouldn’t even blink if a student switched genders over the summer. If instead you’re certain then that the right course for you is to go forward as a female, I’ll refer you to an endocrinologist and they can see about preventing you having a male puberty. Does that sound fair?”

Stephanie thought it sounded too slow, but anything that didn’t make her have to turn back into a boy sounded like a good idea. She nodded.

Mom seemed a little upset, though. The doctor looked at her. “Carol, does that seem like a reasonable compromise to you?”

“I’m feeling a little blindsided here. I didn’t expect you to just flat out tell my, um, child here that you approve of h-her changing sex without making sure I agreed first. But I guess I can’t say no now.”

“At this point we’re only talking about changing Stevie’s gender presentation, not about making any actual body changes. I think that’s the best way to go for now. It will also give you some time to adjust. Some part of you probably still sees the situation as your son playing dress-up, but she seems fairly emphatic here about actually being your daughter. So give her some room to experiment with what that means, and when the time comes for any really irreversible decisions it will be less traumatic for everyone involved.”

Mom sighed. “I guess it’s for the best. Tom and I talked about it being a very real possibility.” They spent the rest of the session going over Stephanie’s feelings and a few of Mom’s anxieties, and when their time was up everyone was in a generally better mood.

When they got home, Mom called and got them an appointment with Ms. Lancaster for the next day. Stephanie could hardly believe it — she was going to get to go to school as a girl! It took all her willpower to keep from celebrating too soon. It wasn’t real quite yet. Until some principal or teacher or something told her that she was enrolled in a new school as Stephanie, there was still a chance Steven would be going back to school somewhere. She went through the rest of the afternoon in that “not wanting to wake up and find out it’s a dream” feeling.

When Dad came home, Mom got to him first and shared the news. He said that Hutchinson was a bit on the “crunchy granola” side, but their academic credentials were sound, and if Stephanie really did have talent as an artist maybe it was the right place for her. Talking about her artwork made him want to see it, so Stephanie had to get out her box and let her parents read her comic books. It was way too embarrassing for her to watch, so she made them wait until she left the room to open the box.

A while later there was a knock on her bedroom door, and her Dad was stopping by to tell her how impressed he was with her work, and wished she’d shown it to him sooner. He asked how she felt about going to a new school and she told him she was a little nervous about being in a new place and everything, but that it she was really happy that she’d get to be herself. He nodded as though he understood what she meant, but she wasn’t sure if he was just faking it. He gave her a hug and wished her luck at her meeting.

Stephanie had a very weird dream that night. She was back in her old classroom, wearing just her bra and panties, and everyone pointed and laughed and called her “Steven the Sissy!” She cried that she was a real girl, but they ripped her clothes off and instead of being naked she was blank underneath like a Barbie doll. It was a relief to not be a boy, but frustrating to not be a girl either.

She didn’t have a lot of time to think about what it might mean because Mom came and got her out of bed early, even though their appointment wasn’t until 10:00. She wanted to make sure they made a good impression at the school. She even picked out what she wanted Stephanie to wear. She put her in a crisp white blouse and gray wool skirt, and her blue cardigan sweater, like she was going to church or something. She even only let her put on her simplest jewelry, just a chain necklace and her silver star stud earrings. Stephanie had to sneak some lip gloss.

Mom looked nice, but also kind of churchy or business-y. She was in a black skirt suit and a white blouse and she was barely wearing lipstick. It was like she wanted to seem as stuffy as possible for this meeting. Stephanie was curious, but sensed that Mom wasn’t in a mood to explain. She just kept her mouth shut and sat still as they drove.

The school was only one town away, so it wasn’t too far to go, but it still seemed like a foreign country almost. Stephanie hadn’t gone over there very much. It did seem like maybe there were more rich people. The houses looked a little more expensive, and the cars were fancier.

Eventually, Mom pulled into a driveway that was marked with a big sign identifying it as The Hutchinson School. The cars in the parking lot had more bumper stickers than Stephanie had ever seen before, advertising various politicians and some things she guessed were rock bands. The school itself was a cluster of wide, low brick buildings, and Mom found a label that identified which one to go to for the main office. Stephanie wanted to take her time to look around along the way, but Mom hurried her along.

They found a receptionist desk and she gave their names and said they had an appointment with Ms. Lancaster. The lady behind the desk picked up a phone and hit some buttons, and then said that the Brookses were there.

Ms. Lancaster turned out to be a friendly-looking lady not much older than Mom, but way more colorful. Her dress was printed with all kinds of flowers all over, and she had a big, chunky necklace of alternating square and round beads where no two were the same color. She showed them into her office, and gave them each a brochure about the school. “Our founder, Phoebe Hutchinson, took elements that from Waldorf, Montessori, and some experimental charter schools and combined them into a new concept. Our programs here emphasize focusing on each student’s complete development, including art and music and civics and philosophy as well as language and arithmetic. Ms. Lucas has already noted your considerable aptitude for art, and we’d like to help nurture that, but not to the exclusion of all other studies. Did you bring a transcript from your previous school?”

Mom pulled a folder out of her bag, but before she handed it over she asked, “Now you were told that she’s really a boy, right?” Stephanie winced at her phrasing but she didn’t seem to notice. Ms. Lancaster nodded. Mom passed the papers over, and continued, “So here’s Steven’s file from Roosevelt.”

Ms. Lancaster paged through the file. “There are a few notes here on behavioral issues, but those wouldn’t prevent us from admitting Stephanie as a student. In fact, I’d cite them as evidence of how the public school system has failed you. It mentions how you appeared bored and inattentive in class, but since it didn’t disrupt the other students nothing was done about it. Well, to me, that indicates that the material wasn’t engaging your interest. Here we have the resources to individually tailor each student’s curriculum; we don’t treat them like sheep or try to churn out rows of identical robots all thinking alike. Our students come to us as unique individuals, and remain as such even when they leave us. Unlike the public schools, our goal is not to beat them all into conformity. We want to help them learn to actually use their brains to understand things, not just spend energy on rote memorization.”

Stephanie didn’t completely get all of that, but Mom seemed to like what she was saying. “That sounds like a noble goal, but do the students still get a good education? Public schools may do a lot of drilling information into kids’ heads, but that’s what they need to do to score well on the SAT’s and get into college.”

“While it’s true that a student who puts in hours of learning vocabulary words just to learn them can do better on standardized tests, what we do here is teach how the students how to use their minds to grow in knowledge. Like we don’t teach just algebra so they know algebra, but present algebra for what it truly is, a useful tool for solving certain kinds of problems. At no point do our students make that age-old complaint, ‘Why do we need to know this stuff?’ We’re a K through twelve facility, and it is true that we do better when a child starts with us at a younger age. A preschooler’s favorite question is ‘Why’ and we try to harness that curiosity and keep it alive throughout their lives. When a child like yours starts with us at an older age, there’s an adjustment period at first where we work together to get their brains wondering and exploring again instead of just repeating back what’s told to them. We turn out critical thinkers, not zombies. So while they may not turn out the best scores on fact tests, they do outstanding on applied knowledge tests, and generally perform overwhelmingly well at essay tests. Our graduates have gone on to every one of the Ivy League colleges, and probably every prestigious institution you could name, but I really prefer to remember the students who chose places to further their education for reasons beyond just getting an impressive diploma. With what we’ve taught them, our graduates are able to obtain a quality education wherever they go. All of life presents opportunities to learn knew things.”

Stephanie thought that sounded a lot better than her old school. She wanted Mom to just say yes or whatever it took to let her start coming there.

But her mother wasn’t done asking questions. “And you’re sure there wouldn’t be a problem with her, um, gender situation?”

“Not at all. We’ve had other transgender students before her, even some who transitioned while attending. Our students are encouraged to explore how they see their place in the world, and that includes things like self-expression and sexuality. There is occasionally some mild teasing, but we strive to show the students that respecting their fellow beings is of utmost importance. We haven’t had any incidents of serious bullying, even though we don’t have any foolish ‘Zero Tolerance’ policies. Intolerance isn’t a quality we want to foster in our students, and therefore not one we want to demonstrate in ourselves. When students have problems with each other, we provide a forum for them to understand and resolve their differences.”

“What about practical things? Like, will she be allowed to use the girls’ bathroom and locker room? Will her classmates need to be informed of her true sex?”

“To answer your first question, there are no girls’ bathrooms. All our lavatories are unisex, with full privacy partition walls and doors that go completely to the floor, and separate wastebaskets in each stall, so no one need be embarrassed. Stephanie would be sharing a locker room with other girls at gym class, but again we have individual changing booths with privacy curtains. It isn’t just girls like her who have body issues. No one has to feel insecure about being seen and compared to her or his peers. After all, she isn’t the only girl here who pads her bra.” Ms. Lancaster chuckled a little, and Stephanie tried not to blush.

“As for your second question, Stephanie’s classmates would not be told anything about her other than one she chooses to share personally. Her teachers would not even be told of her gender status, except when relevant, like in PE. Only the administration and health staff, the nurse and counselors, would be aware of her nature, in order to look out for any problems she may be having because of it.”

It all sounded really good. Ms. Lancaster took them on a brief tour. First they checked out the library, which was this huge, two-story space surrounded by bookshelves, with skylights in the ceiling and chairs and tables for little kids and big kids mixed together, and even some big soft pillows for comfortable reading. They went on to look at the big empty cafeteria and the big empty auditorium.

Then she showed them a couple of classrooms. In the first one they were discussing something about the American Revolution. There were fewer students in the class than at her old school, and the teacher had a special map up on a big computer screen where the blackboard would be. The kids could touch it and move stuff around, and zoom in an out or zip across the ocean just like that. It was pretty cool.

What really got Stephanie excited was an art class. There was a table in the middle with a spotlight shining on a bowl of fruit, and students were arranged at tilted desks all around it, so they could draw. On a counter on the side of the room were stacks of all different kinds of papers, and buckets of pencils in different colors and sizes, and they could just grab what they needed. The teacher was sitting off to the side, and she’d only come look at someone’s picture if they called him over. The best part was that the pictures were all different — one girl’s looked almost real enough to be a photo, but this one boy was taking the shapes of the fruits and turning them into creepy monsters, and another girl was drawing the fruit, but her bowl was invisible, so they were just sort of hovering in space. She also made all the fruits the wrong colors, but it still made a pretty drawing.

The teacher came over and shook her hand. “Hi, I’m Cheyenne Lucas. You must be Stephanie. When I saw your drawings, I told Ruth that we had to get you for our program. I hope you decide to enroll here. I’m looking forward to seeing what other feats of creativity you could perform with a little guidance.”

Stephanie smiled. “Thank you. I think I’d like it here.”

They went back to the office, and Mom said she liked what she’d seen and was ready to go ahead with signing her up, but she’d need to discuss it with her husband first. Ms. Lancaster gave her a form to take home and said she hoped to see them again.

Mom called Dad from the car to tell him that the meeting went great. The tuition was around what they’d expected, and she was sure they could budget it, but she wanted him to look over the documents before she signed anything. They decided to drive to his office instead of back home, and he could meet them for lunch, and then look over the papers and make sure there weren’t any problem clauses in the contract.

Stephanie was too nervous to eat a lot at lunch, so she just ordered a salad and ended up only picking at it a little. Afterwards, Stephanie had to hang out in the waiting room at his office while Dad and Mom looked over the papers the school had given her and talked over their decision.

After what seemed like way too long, they finally came out and got her. Dad was smiling broadly, and swept her up in a hug. “Congratulations, Honey! Starting Monday, you’ll be a Hutchinson student. We talked it over and decided it was the best option for you, and then faxed over the application. I’ll drop off a check later, and then we’re all set. They want you to go back on Friday to take some tests just to figure out which classes to place you in, but it’s nothing you need to worry about. They just need to know what you know and what you’ve still got left to learn. No matter how you score they won’t reject you or anything since your application has already been accepted.”

She was overjoyed, and even did that little squealing, screaming thing that she’d seen girls do when they were excited, but had never understood why before. She was all happy and nervous and scared, but it was a good scared, curious about what it would be like going to a new school. She spent the rest of the afternoon pretty much in a cloud.

Stephanie had a dance class that night, so she changed before dinner into her pretty light blue dress that had a sash that her mother had to tie in the back, and got to wear real grownup pantyhose and her navy blue pumps. Mom helped her with her hair and makeup and made her wear an apron when they cooked dinner. Dad said she looked pretty, and was on her way to becoming a lovely young woman. Stephanie blushed at that and worried that maybe she’d overdone her look. Or it could have been her happiness showing through at knowing she’d be a girl every day from now on.

Dan and Matt both told her she looked nice when they came to pick her up, and Dan even made a little whistle. She got compliments from the other bridesmaids, too. Christopher even seemed a little impressed, and said he liked her dress. She said it was a gift from his sister. He was even extra polite when he asked her to dance.

The Maestro singled out his “Princessa” as usual, and Stephanie decided to just bask in all the attention. She was a girl; she liked being seen as pretty, and it was nice to know her efforts at trying to look good weren’t being wasted. She didn’t make any mistakes with the dance steps, and kept her good mood all the way through class.

Shelby asked Matt if she could drive Stephanie home instead, since she wanted to ask her parents about letting her babysit. Matt just shrugged it off and made sure it was okay with Stephanie before walking off.

Shelby’s car was cool. It was this neat little two-door hatchback with a space-age motor that could switch between gas and electricity. It was a little messy, with a few pieces of junk mail thrown on the floor, and some toys scattered around the back seat, but it wasn’t dirty or smelly or anything.

Stephanie told Shelby her address and she said she had a pretty good idea how to get there. When they’d gone a couple blocks, Stephanie said, “I’d really love to watch Tara for you some time. She really is a great girl!” She paused and took a deep breath. “But before you leave her alone with me you probably ought to know that up until last Christmas I was a boy.”

Shelby ground the car to a stop. “No way! You’ve got to be kidding me. Did Grace put you up to this? We’re always playing tricks on each other.”

Stephanie slowly explained the whole story to her, how the pageant had the boys playing girls’ parts and girls playing boys, and Michelle had teased her brother, and then Steven had looked in the closet, and the punishment was become a girl or lose his video game, and so Stephanie was born, and then she got asked to fill a spot in the wedding party, and then the school burned down, and somewhere along the way she realized she was supposed to be a girl all along, and just that day they’d enrolled her in a new school as a girl.

Shelby just sat there with her eyes widened. It was so unbelievable, yet Stephanie seemed so sincere. She scanned Stephanie’s face, trying to find some evidence of maleness lurking beneath the surface but it just wasn’t there. “I appreciate your honesty. I would still love for you to babysit for me some time, and I promise I won’t tell anyone your secret.” She bit her lip. “Um, but actually, I wanted to take you home for a different reason, but I didn’t want Grace to know.”

Stephanie got really embarrassed. She’d revealed her special situation to Shelby even though she really hadn’t needed to. She tried to smile anyway. “So what’s the real reason?”

“It’s going to seem like such a letdown after all that, but I wanted to ask your parents if I could take you to a movie. Maybe you’ve seen the ads — this movie, 27 Dresses, came out a few weeks ago. It’s about a girl who’s been a bridesmaid for all her friends without getting a wedding of her own, and so how perfect would that be if we could get all the bridesmaids in our wedding party together and go see it next Saturday, as a surprise for Grace, sort of an unofficial pre-bachelorette party? Well, anyway, it would be great if you could come with us, but it’s a PG-13, so I thought I’d better clear it with your folks. But especially since you shared your trans-gendered nature before accepting a babysitting job, I can tell you’re mature enough for a movie with a few naughty words in it, so I’m sure your parents couldn’t possibly object.”

She was right. Once Shelby explained her plan about the movie, Stephanie’s Mom and Dad said it was fine. They even okayed letting Stephanie babysit Tara at some indefinite point in the future, and were definitely impressed when Shelby told them Stephanie was honest with her about her gender. They were really starting to see their daughter in a new light.

(Thanks to Owd Bob for some superb proofreading!)

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Twelve-year-old Stephanie Brooks is an unusual girl. Until six weeks ago, she was living as a boy, but then a foolish decision to peek at her Christmas presents and a church pageant with a crisscrossed theme combined to create Stephanie’s girlhood as a punishment. But she eventually found that living as a girl fixed a lot of the things that weren’t quite right in her life before. She’s now friendlier, less withdrawn, and happier in general with things. In this episode, she learns more about her new school. As we begin, it’s the last day of January, 2008. (The author would like to apologize to her readers for taking so long to get this installment out. The wait for the next one won’t be nearly as long. The writing on it has already been started)

Episode 21

Thursday for Stephanie was a very nervous day. She did a bunch of research on the internet and ran through the textbooks she could find in the house in order to prepare for the placement tests she’d be taking on Friday. It was okay for the teachers at her old school to label her old self Steven as a loser, but Stephanie really didn’t want her new school to think she was stupid. She even surprised herself by how much she wanted to make a good impression. Getting good grades had never been important to her before; it was weird to actually want to work at it.

Stephanie hadn’t realized how long she’d been working until Mom made her stop and take a break to have some lunch. Over chicken soup and a mixed green salad, she told her daughter she was very proud of her for working so hard. “I’m glad to see you’re finally putting in the effort to fulfill your potential. Who’d have guessed that it would have taken this to encourage you to do it?”

Stephanie smiled shyly as her cheeks turned a pinker shade. “Thanks, Mom. I just don’t want them to start out thinking I’m some kind of screw-up. I mean, they’ve probably already got me down as a weirdo or something for wanting to be a girl.”

Mom leaned over and gave her a hug. “Honey, don’t ever let anyone make you think you’re a ‘weirdo.’ There is nothing wrong with being different from everyone else. You are a beautiful and unique snowflake. Besides, Hutchinson’s students have a reputation for being a little outside the norm. Didn’t you notice the students on our tour — there was a crayon box of hair colors, and I’m pretty sure I saw a boy younger than you with more baubles stuck in his face than in my entire jewelry box. (And before you ask, no you cannot pierce or tattoo anything, and your hair is staying its current color.) So for them to call you weird you’d have to be a bit more extreme than just a pretty young lady who happens to have a few differences in places no one can see. I’m also pretty sure I saw a couple of boys holding hands in the hallway, so you shouldn’t have to worry about being picked on for your willingness to explore your sexual identity. (And no, you’re not allowed to do anything sexual yet, at least not until you’re sixteen, and maybe not even after then.) I believe the founder of your school was a woman who preferred the company of other women, if you know what I mean, so acceptance was the theme from the beginning.” She stroked Stephanie’s cheek and wiped away a tear she hadn’t even realized was there. “You have nothing to worry about, Honey. I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

Stephanie’s face brightened. “That makes me feel better. Now I just need to do well on those tests.” She got a more serious expression. “But there is something I’d like your help with.”

“What’s that, Sweetie? I’m strongest in Math and English, but I remember a lot of History. I’m shaky in Science, so you’d best wait until your father gets home and ask him.”

She smiled and let out a little giggle. “Um, no. It’s not the school stuff. I’m just not sure what I ought to wear tomorrow, so I was wondering if you’d pick out an outfit for me like you did back when I first started. The more I read my magazines, the more confused I get about fashion. I’m okay on putting stuff together that matches, but I still don’t know what’s appropriate for when. I guess I should have tried to pay more attention to what the other girls were wearing on our tour.”

Mom tousled her hair playfully. “Sure, Sweetie. You’re right, though. Women have a lot more options and levels of formality in our wardrobes than men. But once you get the hang of it, it can be fun tweaking an ensemble just so for any occasion. I’ll make sure you look nice without seeming like you’re trying too hard. You’re in good hands.”

She thanked her again and cleared the table then went back to her studying. The afternoon blended into a haze of names and dates, facts and figures, words and numbers. By the time Dad came home from work and dinner was ready, her brain was fairly tired. Her parents saw how frazzled she was and forbid her from doing any more work after dinner. They played a fun game of Uno and then sent her upstairs early.

Mom suggested she take her bath before bed instead of in the morning; it might help her relax. She even put some of her own bath oil in the tub when she drew Stephanie’s bath, explaining that its aroma was supposed to help with stress. Strangely enough, it smelled just like the lavender oil that Stephanie had been secretly using to try to grow breasts. She laughed to herself and wondered if that meant boobs were good for relieving stress, and added a couple of her drops to the mix. She still couldn’t tell if it was working, though. There were only tiny lumps behind her pink nipples, which might have been there before she’d started. She spent extra time massaging both her herbal oils into her chest after her bath, and wished with all her might that she could look like a real girl.

The outfit her mother had selected for her the next morning was fairly casual. She put her in her red long-sleeved tee and her denim skirt, with knee socks and her sneakers. She said it would let her be comfortable for her test while still feeling feminine. Mom let Stephanie pick out her own jewelry, and she chose the charm bracelet Brian had given her, her silver star earrings, and a silver chain necklace that was mostly hidden inside her top. Her mother helped with her hair, brushing some volume into it and then holding it off her face with her red padded headband. The only makeup she wore was some lip gloss; it had gotten to the point where her lips felt really dry if she left them naked.

Dad had arranged his schedule so they all could eat breakfast together. Stephanie’s stomach was nervous, but she forced down a couple pieces of toast and some melon chunks, and drank most of her glass of apple juice. As they left, Daddy gave each of “his lovely ladies” a kiss, Mom on the lips and Stephanie on the forehead, and wished her luck.

They drove to the school and Mom gave their name to the receptionist in the office, and they only had to wait a little while before Ms. Lancaster came out and gave them a warm greeting. She called over Ms. Chu, a tiny Asian woman with beautiful green eyes that matched her dress. She would be Stephanie’s guidance counselor, and would be serving as proctor for her placement tests. She shook her hand and said she could call her Amy. She said she was one of the few people on staff who knew about Stephanie’s situation, and she should feel free to come see her any time she needed someone to talk to, about anything, even if it was something as simple as forgetting to bring a pen.

Her friendly personality really put Stephanie at ease. She was able to relax her nerves a little. Amy gave Mom her business card, and took down her phone number, and got the number of Stephanie’s cell too, for her records. She took the opportunity to ask Stephanie to turn off her ringer when she was in school. The school didn’t prohibit phones on campus like some public schools, but she was expected to use courtesy around her teachers and fellow students and not use her phone in a disruptive manner. That seemed fair.

Amy said that Stephanie’s tests would be broken into four fifty-minute blocks with ten-minute breaks in between. Mom had her choice of waiting around the school for four hours, or she could go away and come back when the tests were through. After making sure Stephanie was okay with it, she opted to go run some errands.

Amy brought Stephanie to a small room. The walls were a soft blue color, and there was a deep blue carpet on the floor. Natural light came through a wall of glass blocks, but it wasn’t clear enough that you could see outside. In the middle of the room was a table with some chairs around it. She gestured for Stephanie to take a seat, and let her take her jacket off and hang it over her chair. Then Amy pulled this flat rectangular thing out of her bag and set it on the table in front of Stephanie, then she pushed a button and Stephanie saw that it was like a computer screen without a computer attached to it.

Amy saw that she was confused and explained that she’d be taking her test on this tablet computer. She showed that you could just touch stuff on the screen to make it work, or there was this little pen thing for writing and stuff. Amy had her print “Stephanie Brooks” in the little box, and she smiled inside to realize that it was officially her name.
Amy then showed her how each question would appear on the screen, and it usually would have her pick a multiple choice button or write a short answer in a box before going on to the next question. She could skip any questions she didn’t understand and would be able to go back and review her answers if there was time left. It seemed to make sense. Amy hit a button, and a little clock appeared in the corner showing her how much time was left, and how many questions.

Amy then went and sat on the other side of the table, but not directly opposite Stephanie. She pulled a paperback out of her bag and started reading so as not to make her feel to self-conscious.

The questions weren’t too hard. It started with math stuff, and it wasn’t even making her do problems. There was just a list of terms, and she had to check a box if she’d heard of them. Then there was a section where she had to do some equations with the pen in a space provided, so they’d be able to see all her work. These were a little trickier, but nothing she couldn’t handle, at least at first. But toward the end it started talking about sins and cousins and stuff she’d never seen before.

She made a little frustrated grunt, and Amy looked over at her. “Don’t worry if you get stuck on an answer. These tests are just to see which classes to place you in, and it goes up to past your previous grade level, just to see if you’d been in any accelerated programs. It’s just as useful to us to find out what you don’t know as what you do, so don’t get too upset if you don’t understand something.”

Stephanie sniffled. “Okay.” She skipped that weird stuff and flipped forward to see if there was anything in there she liked. It had a section about shapes that looked interesting, but then it turned out to be all about figuring out if triangles matched. She didn’t like know the way to tell, but she used her intuition to figure it out.

There was time left at the end, so she flipped back through her answers and double checked them, and then there was still some more time, so she used the workspace for one of the questions she didn’t have a clue about, and used the pen thing to draw a doodle of a smiling stick figure of herself, with curly hair and a little triangle skirt and everything, and she added a cartoon balloon saying, “I don’t know this stuff,” just to make it clear. She was about to add some finishing touches when the computer made a little chirpy noise that meant her time was up.

Amy took the computer and stuck a memory stick in it, and the screen turned blue and it said “Data submitted.” Then she said Stephanie could take a break, and showed her where the restroom was, and pointed out some vending machines in the hall if she wanted a snack or a drink.

She cautiously chose to go to the bathroom. It was weird that there was only one for both boys and girls. Inside it looked more like a large bathroom from someone’s house than public restrooms she’d been in before. One wall had a row of sinks, each one taller than the one before it, with a mirror above each one, and fancy electric hand dryers in between. The outside wall had more of those glass blocks, so it was bright but no one would be peeking in.

The wall opposite the sinks had a row of doors, real doors not the stall doors you usually see. Stephanie opened one and found a toilet. Like the sinks, they were at increasing heights as you went along, so she ended up using the third one. The little cubicle had a little shelf behind the toilet where she could set her purse. A light came on when she went in, and there was also some natural light coming in through a frosted glass window above the door. It was completely different from the one in her old school.

She finished up and went to wash her hands. The soap dispenser, the faucet, and the hand dryer were all the kind you didn’t need to touch and came on when your hand was in the right place. She gave her lips a fresh coat of gloss and realized that there was writing on the frame of the mirror. It said, “You are someone.” She wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean; after all everybody was somebody, but it made her feel kind of nice.

The next test was about science. A bunch of the questions were similar to some of the math ones, and just asked her if she’d ever heard of certain terms. To keep her honest, she had to write a couple of words on each one she thought she’d seen before. It meant she couldn’t guess, so that was bad, and it left her feeling kind of stupid that she didn’t know too many of them.

But then the test got kind of fun, and had a part where it would like tell a little story and she had to answer some questions about it. Like one said that a chimpanzee got chased by a tiger and he had to climb a coconut tree and hang from a branch by its tail so it could use all four of its hands and feet to throw coconuts at the tiger, and she had to say what was wrong with that story. It was more like a cool kind of riddle than a test question. Stephanie liked these little puzzles, and she was kind of sad when she got to the last one.

She was in the mood for a snack, and checked out the vending machines during her second break. They weren’t like the ones at her old school. Instead of sodas, the drink machine had milk, water, and a couple of different fruit juices from weird fruits as well as familiar apple and grape. They all came in glass bottles, and there was a rack next to the machine for collecting the empties. It was a real surprise when this little little boy, who must have been like three or four went up to the machine and selected a bottle of milk. That a little kid would be trusted not to break the bottle seemed so weird! Stephanie bought a bottle of pink strawberry/pomegranate juice that was not as sweet as she’d expected, but good.

The snack machine was even more bizarre. It didn’t have candy or chips or the stuff you’d usually get in a machine. Instead there were fresh fruits on these rotating rack things, and even some vegetables, too. She got a pear that was so juicy she probably could have skipped the drink. There was snow on the ground and she was eating a pear that tasted like it had just been picked. This school was different, but some of the differences were pretty good.

The next test was on history and stuff. This time they asked the questions differently. In the first section, each page listed a bunch of events and she had to put them in order. Some of the U.S. history stuff she was pretty sure of, but there was some foreign country stuff she just plain didn’t know. One weird page was like something from church where it wanted her to put the writings of Jesus, Moses, Mohammed, Buddha, and a bunch of guys she’d never heard of in order from first published to last. She thought it was a trick question, because one of the guys was named “Joseph Smith” and that seemed like such a fake name. She called the teacher (or whoever made the test)’s bluff and wrote on that page, “There’s probably a million guys named Joe Smith. How am I supposed to know who you mean?”

The second section wanted more writing. It said stuff like, “If you had a magic time machine and could arrange a meeting between a Babylonian and a Toltec, what do you think they’d have in common to talk about? What would change if it was two farmers versus two soldiers?” On a lot of those, Stephanie just didn’t understand the questions. She left some of them blank, and on others just answered truthfully with an answer like, “They’d probably agree that it was pretty freaky being transported by some stranger with a magic time machine, and wonder why I used my amazing powers to bring them together. The two soldiers might be more likely to try to force me to send them back with threats.”

That test really made her feel dumb, and when she took her bathroom break afterwards, she let herself have a little cry in the bathroom. But Amy was too sharp and noticed that her eyes were a little red, and asked her what was the matter. Stephanie said she was afraid the school would decide they didn’t want her after they saw how horrible she did on these tests, and she’d have to go back to her old school, and her old life and her old clothes and...

Amy gave her a comforting hug and said that Stephanie didn’t need to worry; the school wasn’t going to send her away. It wasn’t a bad thing if she didn’t know all the answers on the tests; in fact they needed to ask questions she couldn’t answer to in order to figure out what they could teach her. She said that Dr. Nolan, the head of the Math Department, had already reviewed the first test Stephanie had taken, and he said she had a solid conceptual grounding and should be able to handle the sixth grade curriculum. He also said that she had a delightful creative attitude, and recommended that she take a computer programming lab to help her understanding of algebra. Amy explained that when her mother came back after all the tests, they’d work out her schedule.

She also said that Ms. Lucas was very excited about Stephanie’s artistic talent, so she should stop worrying about being sent away. There was nothing she could do on these performance exams that could be called failing the test. Stephanie had already been accepted and was now a member of the Hutchinson School family; the only way she’d be leaving would be if it was her decision. Amy even said that even if her parents changed their minds and wanted to send her some place else, if Stephanie felt she belonged at Hutchinson, they’d fight to keep her there. That was cool, but kind of scary at the same time.

When Stephanie had calmed down enough, Amy was ready for her to start the last test. This time the subject was English, and some of the questions would need longer written answers. Amy gave her the option of continuing writing longhand with the pen thing on the tablet, or she could give her a keyboard to type her answers. Stephanie chose the keyboard. Amy pulled a keyboard out of her back and flipped a switch to turn it on — it didn’t have a cord or anything; the computer just knew it was there. She also showed Stephanie how to pull a support out of the back of the tablet to stand it up like a regular monitor screen. She told Stephanie that even though she was allowed to type, she should avoid using texting abbreviations, and there wouldn’t be any automatic spelling checker running. Those rules seemed fine; Stephanie didn’t even know all those texting codes, and it seemed like every day Debbie was using a new one that she needed to work at to figure out.

This time the questions were a little weird. Instead of asking what things she’d heard of like in the other sections, it just had stuff like, “Write at least four paragraphs describing a meeting between two of the following characters: Huckleberry Finn, Dorothy Gale, Harry Potter, Anne Shirley, Johnny Tremain, or Oliver Twist.” It seemed like the teacher who wrote the question just assumed Stephanie would know who all those people were. Back when she was Steven, she’d read all the Harry Potter books, and seen most of the movies, but had no idea who the rest of those people were.

She decided to just write a funny little story where Harry cast a spell in the library and a bunch of storybook people came to life. (Stephanie assumed the rest of those characters were from other books, since this was an English test.) He then tried to strike up a conversation with this Huckleberry person, but no matter how much Harry told him about himself, all he’d get from the stranger was, “I was named after a fruit.” Stephanie was still a little giggly when she went on to the next question, which wanted her to write a description of the future from the point of view of the past.

The topic of the last essay was, “Tell us why you chose to attend The Hutchinson School, and describe what you hope to get out of your education here.” That made her nervous. She looked over at Amy and said, “Can I ask a question about this test?”

Amy shook her head, “Just answer the questions to the best of your abilities. There are no right or wrong answers.”

Stephanie’s forehead wrinkled. “I just want to know if the people who are going to see my answers already know about the boy/girl thing, because it wants to know why I want to come here, and part of my reason is that you’ll let me be a girl. But I don’t want to say that if they won’t know I’m not a real girl.”

Amy reached over and touched her hand. “You are real. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” She smiled. “But you’re right. Someone other than the few of us who are aware of your situation will be reviewing your test, someone from the English department, probably Dr. Shields the department head. So if you don’t want to reveal your secret, you might want to leave that reason out of your essay, or just try be a little vague about it, like say that at Hutchinson we’ll let you be yourself, or something like that. Okay?”

Stephanie smiled back at her and went to work on her essay. She wrote about how she was pointed to Hutchinson by Ms. Lucas, who’s seen some of her artwork and thought she would be a good fit for their art program. And she wrote about how she was looking to change her old study habits, and was looking forward to getting a fresh start. It was almost like she had the opportunity to become a whole new person, someone she’d be proud to be.

She finished her essay with a little time to spare. The whole thing left her feeling worn out and tired. She let out a heavy sigh and rested her head down on the table. Amy walked over, gave her a little pat on the back, and then took the computer. She stuck her little memory stick in it, and submitted Stephanie’s essays. Amy told Stephanie she could rest as long as she needed, or take another restroom break, and left her alone in the room.

Stephanie stayed on the table for a bit, then stood up, stretched, then grabbed her purse and went out to the fancy bathroom again. This time when she walked in there was a boy at the sink washing his hands. She nearly panicked about going into the wrong room, and had to fight to calm down so he didn’t think she was some kind of spaz. She closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath, and then picked out a stall. It would take a while for her to get used to these shared bathrooms.

Eventually Mom showed up. Amy said that there was some time before they could do her schedule; her test answers hadn’t all been checked out yet. She offered to take them to lunch in the cafeteria. Stephanie hadn’t even realized it was lunchtime already, but the idea of food started her stomach gurgling.

Just like everything else, the cafeteria was totally different from the one in her old school. It was a big room with really high ceilings that had skylights on top. The tables were real wood and looked like furniture people would have in their actual houses, and they were surrounded by real chairs instead of the big industrial metal tables with attached benches she’d had in the public school.

For the most part, kids were sitting with others their own age, but every so often she’d see older and younger kids eating together; she wondered if they were related or something. Her old school had a separate lunch room for the staff, but here the teachers were mixed in with the kids, sometimes sitting with a group of students or sometimes just one on one.

Amy led them to the line in the back of the room for the hot lunch. She ran her id card through a slot in a machine at the front of the line and pulled a metal tray, then did it twice more and handed one to each of them. They could smell the food cooking in the kitchen, and Mom commented that it looked very healthy. Amy pointed out that everything was prepared with fresh ingredients, and there were special selections for vegetarians or students with allergies. The nice lady behind the counter served them a delicious-smelling stir-fried chicken with vegetables over brown rice. The same beverages in the glass bottles from the vending machine were available; Stephanie wanted some more of that juice, but Mom told her to get milk instead.

There was also a well-stocked salad bar, with a nice variety of fresh fruits for dessert. They took their trays and went to an empty table. Amy waved to a few people as they walked through the room, both students and staff. Ms. Lucas noticed Stephanie and waved at her, too. All in all, it felt like a very friendly place. It also wasn’t as loud as she’d have expected such a big room to be. People were talking, but no one was shouting. It almost didn’t seem real.

After lunch, Amy showed them how they separated all the lunch trash. Food waste went in one garbage can that would get added to the school’s compost bin. The glass bottles got collected for reuse, and there was another bin for recyclable bottles and cans brought in from outside. The trays with dirty dishes went in a slot that led to the dish washers. And the smallest trashcan was for non-recyclable, non-organic waste. Amy was proud to point out that it was empty.

They went back to Amy’s office, and she checked her email. The teachers had all looked over Stephanie’s test answers and made their recommendations. The good news was that the English teacher said she was better than average at composition, but the bad news was that he felt she needed more exposure to literature. Also, the history teacher declared her to be “naíve and ill-informed.” She did okay on science, scoring around where they expected a student at her grade level to land.

Based on all those recommendations, they worked together to build Stephanie’s class schedule. The really really good news was that Ms. Lucas had suggested several different art classes for Stephanie, and Amy seemed to think that she should take them all. It was totally different from her old school, where there was just one hour of art every other week. She’d now be getting six hours a week in the drawing and painting studio, two hours of ceramics, two hours of “mixed media,” (whatever that was) and an hour and a half of doing computer art in the digital media lab.

Another weird thing was that even though they didn’t have any competitive sports teams, the school thought that physical education was important, so Stephanie had to have an hour of some kind of movement class every day. Amy showed them a list of possibilities. Mom pointed out that one of the options was a yoga class, and she thought it might be fun, plus it would be incentive to make her get back into going to her own yoga class regularly. Stephanie thought it might be nice to have something in common with her mother, so she said to sign her up for that. The beginner class was only two days a week, so she had to pick something else.

She’d been enjoying her ballroom dance class, and there were a few other kinds of dancing on the list. Mom vetoed ballet, because she said it ruined your feet and gave you an eating disorder. Amy tried to say that their classes weren’t that intense, but she stayed firm. She also vetoed tap dancing, on the theory that she didn’t want a headache from listening to her practicing at home. It was so frustrating! She finally accepted letting Stephanie take up folk dancing. That sounded kind of corny, but Amy said they did some cool dances from all over the world. Maybe it would be okay.

Stephanie saw a Tai Chi class on the list, and thought that might be cool, since it was like karate and stuff. Mom agreed way too quickly, and had a strange smile on her face, but she didn’t share what seemed so funny. Amy just shrugged and signed her up.

Stephanie needed one more physical activity. Amy asked her if she’d like an hour of unstructured playground recess. That seemed like it was just something for little kids, but Amy assured her that there were students older than Stephanie who sometimes chose that option. It’s good to get out in the fresh air every once in a while.

The other interesting rule was that all students had to take some sort of music class. Stephanie was leery of doing any singing; she was afraid that her voice might start changing like boy voices do. Amy tried to tell her that she was too young for that, but Stephanie was almost crying over it, so she let it go and asked what instrument she’d want to play. She looked over the list of possible instruments and asked her mother if practicing a flute would cause her headaches. Mom smiled and said that was a good choice.

The rest of her schedule was normal-ish stuff. She had an hour of social studies every day, to teach her the history stuff she needed so badly. She had a couple hours of science class, and three hours of math class a week, plus a two-hour computer programming lab that was supposed to relate to her math; it could be cool or it could be lame. Maybe she’d be making fun games or things, or maybe it would be stupid stuff like her mother’s accounting spreadsheets.

Her English classes actually sounded kind of interesting. She had a class every day, but they weren’t all the same. She got a creative writing class two days a week, where instead of just learning grammar and spelling and vocabulary, she’d actually be making stories. One day a week was specific literature study, where she’d be in a class that would all read the same books and discuss it. The other two days she had an hour of free time in the library, where all she had to do is read; that was it. It was crazy, but if that was how this school thought she’d learn, she was all for it!

Amy printed Stephanie’s schedule out, and gave her a map of the campus. Then she handed her colored highlighter pens and had her color-code her schedule, then find where each of her classrooms was located, and place a colored dot on the map. Amy then gave her a folder to put the schedule and the map into, and gave her a couple more papers. One was a list of school supplies suggested for all new students and the other was a list of rules that all students were expected to follow. She gave them to Mom to look over.

Amy then took Stephanie into another room and had her sit on a stool in front of a fancy blue curtain while a camera took her picture. A couple minutes later, she handed her a warm plastic card with a magnetic stripe on the back and her picture on the front, declaring her to be Stephanie T. Brooks, Hutchinson student. She was official! There was a hole in her ID where her choice of three different ways to wear it could be snapped in: a chain for wearing it around her neck, a strap for looping it around a belt, or a clip for fastening it to her clothes. Amy said that most girls Stephanie’s age went with the clip, although the chain was more convenient. It was something to think about.

Amy finally escorted them to the exit. Stephanie gave her a hug, thanked her for everything she’d done for her, and said she see her on Monday. She was in such a good mood she practically skipped out to the car. Mom was smiling too. She was glad to see her child feeling so positive about school, regardless of the twisted route it took to get there.

They had a little free time before Stephanie’s appointment with Dr. Howard, so Mom swung by a store first to pick up the school supplies on her list. Stephanie had to plead to convince her mother that she needed a new book bag; Mom thought she could just use the Barbie backpack she’d used at New Year’s, but she insisted that it was made for a much younger girl. They had to get one of the other ladies shopping to break the tie, and she agreed with Stephanie — yay! Mom did have to pick the color though, so of course she ended up with a pink backpack. But it was a pale pink not that in-your-face Barbie pink, so maybe it would be okay.

Her appointment with Dr. Howard went very well. Stephanie talked nonstop about how excited she was to be going to Hutchinson, and being a girl, and having all those art classes, and she promised she’d work hard on her other classes and try not to let everyone down for giving her this opportunity. She thanked her therapist several times for helping her find the school where she was sure she belonged.

Dr. Howard made some notes and told Stephanie she seemed to be handling things very well, and they could cut back to having appointments only once a week, on Tuesdays later in the day so she’d already be out of school. Mom checked her appointment book and said that would be acceptable.

Stephanie really felt like her life finally made sense, and hoped it was a feeling that would last.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock When Steven Brooks was forced to dress as a girl over Christmas break, it was supposed to have been a punishment. Instead, it opened his eyes to how things just made more sense if she were female. Stephanie, as she’s now known, has been seeing a psychiatrist and hopes to be diagnosed as officially transgender, so they’ll give her hormones and operations and stuff to make her a girl for real. In this episode, Stephanie follows up on some plans she made in previous episodes, as she goes on a shopping trip to the mall with her friend Debbie, and goes over to her boyfriend’s for a Super Bowl party. It’s Feb 1, 2008, and she’s just spent the day taking placement exams at her new school.

Episode 22

Stephanie was so excited about the way she’d be treated at Hutchinson that she couldn’t stop talking to her mother about all the cool things there over the whole drive home. Mom was amazed to see her offspring finally ready to embrace the potential she’d always known was there. She couldn’t help smiling.

Stephanie’s phone made its little chime noise that meant she had a new text message. It was from Debbie, reminding her that they had plans. She said that after her mother picked her up from school, they’d swing by Stephanie’s house and pick her up, then they’d head over to the mall. Debbie told Stephanie to find out if it was okay for her to have dinner with them.

Mom gave her permission, and said that since Stephanie was going shopping she should pick up some new school clothes for herself. She said that Debbie’s mother had good taste, but probably shopped at pricey stores, so she pulled a bunch of money out of her purse and made Stephanie put it in hers. She counted it before putting it away, and it was nearly two hundred dollars! Stephanie was impressed by how much trust her mother had in her, and told her she’d try to spend it on good deals; as she understood it that was important. Shopping was supposed something girls loved to do all the time, and she didn’t want it to be obvious that she was a total rookie; it might make people wonder.

When a big, fancy silver car pulled up in the driveway, Debbie got out and came to the door. She was carrying a duffle bag and asked Stephanie if she could see her room. She shrugged and brought Debbie upstairs.

Debbie looked around. “It’s, like, really pink in here. Was it like this before your sex change?”

Stephanie blushed. Her first instinct was to try to defend her old boy self, that he wasn’t some kind of sissy; of course the pink bedding and stuff wasn’t always there. But then she wasn’t sure if that meant she wasn’t a real girl inside. Shouldn’t she have always wanted girlish things? She didn’t know what to say. “My mom redid my room back when I started being a girl. I don’t really notice the pink anymore.”

Debbie dropped her bag on the bed. “Thanks for letting me change. It’s a stupid rule, but even at the end of the day we’re not allowed in street clothes on campus. There’s no way I’d want to go to the mall like this.” She started taking off her jacket.

Stephanie realized that Debbie’s smart outfit of a navy pleated skirt and blazer over a red sweater vest with a crisp white blouse underneath was actually a school uniform. In fact, the fancy little shield thing embroidered on the front of her blazer looked a lot like the one on the jacket Christopher wore. “Hey! Do you go to Lawnbrook? That’s where my dance partner in my cousin’s wedding goes. Maybe you know him; his name is Christopher, um… Actually, I don’t know his last name. That’s not good. His sister is going to be family. I should make an effort to learn their name. He’s like older than us, anyway, so I guess you probably wouldn’t have a lot of classes together.”

Stephanie looked up to see that Debbie had also taken off her skirt and sweater, and was almost finished unbuttoning her blouse. She tried not to stare as she saw her friend standing there in just her bra and panties. Her bright yellow underthings somehow made her cocoa skin look darker. She probably wasn’t showing more than a bathing suit would, but it still seemed like Stephanie was seeing something she wasn’t supposed to. She’d never seen anyone she wasn’t related to in their underwear before, especially not a girl.

Debbie caught her looking and winked. “Am I hot enough to make you want to turn back?” She stuck out her hip and struck a pose. Stephanie turned bright red and tried to explain, but Debbie cut her off. “I’m just teasing. I know you’re all girl. I’ve seen boys looking at girls, and that’s not in your eyes. Relax, Girlfriend!” She reached out and tickled Stephanie’s ribs, and soon they were both giggling and tickling and it didn’t seem to matter anymore how they were or weren’t dressed.

Eventually, Debbie decided that her mother would get mad if they made her wait to long, so she got dressed in an orange tank top, a pair of black jeans that skimmed her hips, and a red hoodie. She folded up her uniform and put it back in her duffle bag, and then took out her purse. She swapped the tiny studs in her ears for more noticeable gold hoops, put on some fresh lip gloss, fluffed her hair a little, and she was ready.

Stephanie asked if what she was wearing was okay. Debbie looked her over, and had her spin around a couple times. She thought Stephanie needed to change her jewelry to something prettier. Stephanie wanted to keep her charm bracelet, so she just changed her earrings from stars to dangly silver chains. Debbie gave them her thumbs up. Stephanie grabbed her handbag and the girls went trotting on down the stairs.

Debbie’s mother didn’t seem too upset that they’d taken so long; she must have gotten used to how long her daughter took to get ready. The girls got in the back seat and she waited until they’d buckled their seatbelts before starting the car and driving off to the mall. She really took her shopping seriously; she drove a couple laps around the parking garage until she found a spot she liked, and then made the girls leave their jackets in the car. She said that it was so they wouldn’t be constantly taking them off and putting them back on in the changing rooms, where they might forget them. The stores were heated anyway; they’d probably have just ended up sweating uncomfortably if they kept them on. It was worth a chilly walk through the garage.

In the first store they went to, Stephanie saw these clothes that were called “yoga pants,” and she said that she was going to take a yoga class, so maybe she needed a pair. There was a rack of coordinating tops nearby, and Debbie’s mom told her that it was better not to get pieces the same color, but to pick colors that worked well together instead. She said that it wasn’t good to look too “matchy-matchy.” Stephanie just nodded as if that made sense.

Stephanie chose a pair of pants in a pastel orange color that reminded her of sherbet, and they picked out a pale yellow top to go with it. It was sort of a cross between a camisole and a tank top, with thin little straps with buckles for adjusting the fit. She tried them on in the fitting room, and everything fit nice, but she wasn’t sure how it looked and went out to show them.

Debbie’s mom thought the pants looked okay, but told Stephanie that because the fabric was thin and the fit was tight, she ought to wear a thong panty with them. Apparently, “visible panty lines” were a major fashion mistake for a girl to make. People weren’t supposed to see the outline of your underpants through your clothes. Stephanie asked if it was just as bad that her bra straps were showing, and Debbie and her mom disagreed over whether having several straps on display on your shoulders was in fashion.

Debbie’s mom said that part of the problem was that for yoga, Stephanie would be wearing a sports bra, instead of a regular one, she she’d have a different style of strap showing and the look that Debbie thought was cute wouldn’t be happening. Stephanie didn’t own any sports bras, so she didn’t know what the difference was. Mrs. Washington asked the fitting room attendant to hold the yoga clothes for them, and then led the girls over to the “Intimates” department to get Stephanie the right undergarments.

Stephanie was in awe to be shopping in the grownup women’s underwear section, since the last time she went out with her own mother they got her stuff in the girls’ department. But Debbie’s mom said that since she was almost a teenager she probably would take a small size in juniors’ clothes, and the lingerie selection was better than what she’d find in the girls’.

She picked out a three-pack of size XS thong-style panties in varied colors that she thought would fit Stephanie. They were a cotton/spandex blend, so they were stretchier than she was used to, but they still seemed awfully tiny. Debbie’s mother had to call over the store lady to help find a sports bra for Stephanie. She asked if they had one in Stephanie’s size with a little bit of padding, explaining very delicately that she wasn’t quite as developed as her classmates. The assistant nodded knowingly, and said that she remembered how rough it could be for the late bloomers in gym class. She wrapped a measuring tape around Stephanie’s chest and took a couple measurements, then led them to a 30AA sports bra with well-defined foam cups.

She wanted her to try it on and led her to the changing booths right there in the bra department. Stephanie was a little afraid to go back there alone with her. Debbie could sense her nervousness and asked if she could go along to give her a second opinion on how it looked. Stephanie was relieved and welcomed her.

Stephanie was so scared that the lady would be able to tell that she wasn’t a real girl that she was shaking a little when she took her shirt off. But it seemed like she didn’t need to worry, because even when she’d taken her bra off and the shop assistant was helping her into the new one, all she said was that Stephanie didn’t need to be embarrassed about developing slowly. She winked and said that often the girls who get their boobs last get the best ones, and she should take her word for it, as a professional bra fitter she’d seen a lot of them.

Debbie’s mother called through the curtain to ask how it was going, and they said it seemed to fit. She came and joined them, and brought a few more bras for Stephanie to try on. One was another sports bra, only this one clipped in the front and had a single strap in the back. The others were actual grownup bras with underwires and lace and pads in the cups that were made to push your boobs up. Stephanie was surprised to see that those bras made the little bit of softness on her chest look like actual girl boobs.

She changed back to her original clothes, and they went to the cash register to ring up her order. She ended up getting two sports bras in that first style, a white one and a gray one, so she’d have a spare in case she had a really sweaty gym class. She decided not to get the one with the weird back, but she did get three of the lacy bras, in white, pink and purple. The lady pointed out that there were matching panties available for those, and Debbie ran off to get them for Stephanie. They were just as lacy and looked very grownup. The purple one was a thong and Debbie said it would be very sexy, but Stephanie wasn’t sure she wanted to be. The other two were what she called a “string bikini,” with a thin strap of elastic on the sides, but a full back. She trusted Debbie’s opinion and bought them, along with the pack of thongs they’d already picked.

The lady told Debbie’s mother the total, but Stephanie corrected her and pulled her money out of her purse. It made her feel very grown up to pay for her new grownup undies with her own money. She could even kind of understand why girls were supposed to like shopping so much. She was excited about having new things to wear, even if no one else would be seeing these particular things.

They went back to the other changing room and Mrs. Washington showed the girl Stephanie’s receipt so she could take some of her new things in with her. She stripped down and changed into her new white thong and sports bra. The thong felt kind of weird going where underpants weren’t supposed to go, but it seemed to cover everything that was supposed to stay covered. She still looked like a girl where it mattered most. She put her yoga clothes on again and went out to show them how it looked.

She got two thumbs up for her invisible panty lines, but the bra straps showing through weren’t working. Debbie’s mom went back to the rack and got Stephanie another top. This one was a more traditional-looking tank top or sleeveless t-shirt, made of the same soft fabric. It was a pale green color. She told Stephanie to take off the spaghetti strap top and put the tank on, but then put the other one back on top of it. She pointed out that layering clothes like that was one of the essential tools in a girl’s fashion toolbox. Not only did it add interest to an outfit, but it allowed you to get completely different looks from the same basic elements. They looked pretty cool together, so Stephanie bought all three pieces.

They shopped around in that first store some more, and Debbie got a couple nice tops, but nothing else really caught Stephanie’s eye; she tried on a couple things that Debbie’s mom recommended, but she decided not to get them. In the second store they went to, both girls found some things they liked in the juniors’ department, and Mrs. Washington left them to browse accessories while she went to check on a sale over in shoes. Debbie saw a rack of cute bracelets and convinced Stephanie to try a couple on.

While helping fasten a clasp, Debbie whispered to Stephanie that there was a creepy guy that seemed to be following them. He’d been a couple rows over when they were looking at skirts, and had gotten closer when they were checking the colors on scarves against the tops they’d picked out, and now he was only like twenty feet away and pretending not to stare at them. She warned Stephanie that they might have to scream and run if he came any closer. She glanced over and saw the guy she meant, an older bald pudgy guy in a rumpled suit.

It was an aspect of being a girl that Stephanie hadn’t thought about before. She was feeling very nervous and vulnerable, and envied how cool Debbie was acting over the whole thing. It came as a great relief when she saw Debbie’s mom walking back over. She could tell something was wrong, and asked the girls what was the matter. Debbie softly told her about the creepy guy and tilted her head in his direction.

She boldly strode over to the guy and got in his face. “Mister, the way you’ve been following my daughter and her friend around is making them uncomfortable. Maybe it’s just a coincidence, or maybe you’re a pervert who gets off on watching underage girls. Either way, I strongly suggest that you go shop in some other store in the mall for a while and leave them alone. Or do I need to call security?” She was so awesome, like a super heroine or something.

The guy just kind of laughed at that. “Actually, ma’am, I am store security. I was keeping an eye on those girls to make sure they weren’t taking anything.” He leaned in toward her and lowered his voice. “And it’s not your daughter that I was worried about as much as her friend. She better fits the profile, if you know what I mean. We can’t be too careful letting a girl like that in a store like this unsupervised.”

Stephanie was mortified. This guy had not only figured out that she wasn’t what she appeared to be, but also had decided that since she was dishonest about her sex she must also be dishonest in general. It took every ounce of her willpower to keep from crying.

Debbie’s mother’s face broke into a huge smile, but it seemed kind of fake. She said to the guy, “Just to make sure, let’s all four of us go to a register and ring all this up. You can personally check to make sure that my daughter’s friend didn’t slip any merchandise into her bag. After all, we can never be sure of Those People. Where is the nearest register? In fact, I think it would be best if we found one attended by a manager or department supervisor on duty, just to let Little Miss Potential Delinquent here know how serious this is.”

Stephanie looked over at Debbie to find out what was happening with her mom, but she just shrugged. They dutifully followed the adults over to a counter in a nearby department.

The guy looked through the shopping bags the girls had been carrying, and even went into Debbie’s pocketbook, although he didn’t bother checking Stephanie’s when she held it out. The lady behind the counter tallied up all their stuff, even Stephanie’s. She tried to tell her that her things should have been rung up separately, but Debbie’s mom cut her off.

She smiled at the cashier. “Thank you. I just wanted a total, so you’d know exactly how large a sale you lost today. I won’t be buying any of this from you.”

The lady looked confused. “Is there a problem, Ma’am?”

She pointed her thumb at the guy. “Does this excuse for a man truly work security here?”

He got upset at that. “Hey! What did I do to you, Mrs. … I didn’t catch your name?”

She flashed a new smile, one that looked genuine this time but also kind of scary. “Actually, it’s ‘Dr,’ not ‘Mrs.’ As in I make enough money to have a platinum card for this store.” She pulled a credit card from her wallet. “And as you can see here, it’s Dr. Gillespie-Washington, that’s Washington as in I married a beautiful chocolate man and had our lovely mocha daughter here.” She wrapped her arm around Debbie’s shoulder. “This one over here is her friend.” She reached out and pulled Stephanie closer. “And three of us are going to leave this store and go spend twice as much as we would have spent here over at your competition. Their prices might not be as great, but to the best of my knowledge their security policy isn’t set by racists. There’s just one more thing I need to do.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a pair of scissors, and cut her store credit card into pieces in front of them, and then put the scissors and the pieces back into her purse. “Just to let you know I’m serious about not coming back here. Let’s go, girls.”

She led them out of the store without giving the people a chance to reply. They walked out into the mall and collapsed on a bench not too far down. Stephanie was still pretty shaken. “I don’t get what went on in there, but thanks for sticking up for me. I guess he could tell I wasn’t a real girl, so he thought I was a criminal.”

Debbie’s mother smiled at her, a real one with warmth and caring. “Honey, that jerk wasn’t talking about you.” She gave a little chuckle. “He thought you were my daughter and Debbie was the friend. He looked at you and only saw color. He figured the blonde white girl was mine, and the black girl was some kind of hoodlum from the ghetto. It had nothing to do with your, um, special situation. I’m pretty sure he saw you for exactly what you are, a lovely young lady.”

Stephanie sniffled a little. “Thanks. So, is it true that you’re a doctor? Should I call you Dr. Gillespie-Washington instead of Mrs. Washington?”

“Yes, I am a doctor. But any friend of Debbie’s is a friend of mine. You can call me Julia.” She put an arm around each of the girls.

Debbie leaned against her mom. “You know, I love Daddy and everything, but sometimes I wish I looked more like you. Stef, I’d give anything to have your hair.”

Stephanie sighed. “I wish I had your body. Want to trade?” An idea hit her. “Hey! Mrs. Dr Julia? You’re a doctor, so does that mean you could give me a subscription to hormone pills that would turn me into a girl?”

Debbie’s mother laughed. “I’m sorry, but I can’t. First, you’re not my patient, so it would be unethical to prescribe drugs to you. Second, I’m an oral surgeon, and I can’t think of any dental condition that would warrant hormone treatments, so I could get in trouble with the ADA. And finally, you’re a minor; I’d need your parents’ consent before giving you any medication. Are you serious about wanting to change your body permanently? This isn’t just some kind of phase you’re going through?”

Stephanie nodded. “I’ve never been so sure about something as I am about knowing that I should be a girl. My psychiatrist says she’ll see about getting me girl hormones, but she’s making me wait until summer, and that’s like forever. Some day I’d like to go bra shopping and not need a padded one.”

Debbie tried to cheer her up. “There’s a lot of girls in my class that don’t have any more than you do inside their bras. I’ve seen them in gym class. Even if you don’t start until summer, you probably won’t be the last girl you know to get boobs. It does suck that you won’t have them by bikini season, though.” She thought for a moment. “Hey, Mom! If we go to Florida again next winter, can she come with us? Maybe she’d be bikini-ready by then, and that way she’d only have to wait half a year instead of a whole one to wear one.”

Her mother nodded. “That sounds like a possibility, Honey. Of course we’d have to talk it over with your father and her parents, but it might be nice for you to have someone your own age along.” She stood up. “But now, Ladies, we still have some more shopping to do, and get the sweetest revenge we can on that idiot back there. Let’s go.” The girls hopped off the bench and followed her to the really fancy department store at the other end of the mall.

Julia insisted on buying some things for Stephanie in the new store, since she hadn’t been able to get herself the items she’d picked out at the last one. She saw a display of leggings, kind of a cross between pants and tights, and explained that they were great for layering under a dress or skirt in cooler weather. Stephanie didn’t have any, so she got her three pairs, and then set about showing her how to use them in an outfit and ended up also getting her 2 new dresses, a sweater, a pair of fun red suede boots, and some pretty earrings with dangly black beads. It was too much, but she wouldn’t let Stephanie refuse to take her gifts. She thanked her very much.

On their way out of the mall, Stephanie’s eye was drawn to a cart that was selling sports t-shirts. She told Debbie and her mother about how she had been invited to her boyfriend’s to watch the Super Bowl, so maybe she should get a Giants shirt to show that she supported his team. She picked out a nice blue shirt, while spilling everything about her date. Debbie’s mom was surprised to learn that she had a boyfriend, and even more so when Debbie told her that it was Brian Somers from church. Julia told Stephanie to tell Brian’s mother she said hello.

It was getting late when they left the mall, so they had Stephanie phone home and ask if she could go over to the Washingtons’ for dinner. Her mom said that was fine, and so Julia called to warn her husband that the three of them were on their way. Debbie’s father, Dr. Ernest Washington, was also a dentist. He was tall and kind of scary, with wide shoulders and the darkest skin Stephanie had ever seen from that close. But he greeted her with a friendly smile that made her a lot less nervous.

It was interesting that in their house the dad always did the cooking. The lessons Stephanie’s mother had been teaching her had made her think of cooking as a girl thing, but here was a very manly man at home in his kitchen. Mr. Dr. Washington made a spicy noodle dish he said was from Thailand. The noodles were special extra-thin spaghetti-like stuff, and on top of them was this mixture of vegetables and chunks of chicken in a yummy sauce unlike anything Stephanie had ever tasted before. She asked him if she could have the recipe. For dessert, probably because they were dentists, he served slices of fresh pears. They were juicy and delicious, even though he had to talk for way too long about how wonderful modern technology was, so people could eat fresh fruit in January. He was funny.

After dinner, Debbie pleaded with her parents to let Stephanie sleep over. At first her father was against the idea, since Stephanie was really a boy. But then Julia, the coolest lady in the world, explained to him that she’d spent the last few hours with Stephanie and didn’t see any boy there at all. She saw a girl who’d bought clothes to look pretty in for her boyfriend, so he needn’t be worried that she had any interest in Debbie as other than a friend. Plus, she hadn’t noticed Stephanie at any time staring at the other girls in the changing rooms. She even told her husband about how Stephanie had tried to see if Julia could prescribe hormones for her. As far as she was concerned Stephanie was just like other preteen girls, dreaming about growing boobs, not touching them. He respected his wife’s opinion and said Stephanie could spend the night.

Stephanie called up her own parents, and asked their permission. Her Mom wanted to talk to Debbie’s, who told her it wouldn’t be a bother. Stephanie had plenty of new clothes she could wear in the morning, and Debbie could lend her something to sleep in. The moms okayed the sleepover, and the girls squealed in delight.

Before going to bed, the three ladies put on a fashion show for the man of the house, showing him what they’d gotten at the mall. It was fun. Their audience of one sat in the living room, and one at a time they left the dining room to go show him what they had on. Stephanie felt like she was the only one nervous about being seen by Debbie and Julia in her underwear as they changed. Each of them had to walk to the middle of the room, turn around, and walk back. Stephanie didn’t watch the modeling shows that Debbie and her mother liked, so they had to show her what to do. By the end, they were all feeling silly and glamorous.

Debbie must have had friends over a lot, since she had two beds in her room and she was an only child. She looked through her dresser and picked out some pajamas for herself and for Stephanie, and then shockingly just started getting undressed with her in the room. It was one thing for Stephanie to have seen Debbie in her underwear before, but to put on her pajamas she had to get completely naked in front of her. Stephanie tried not to look, but Debbie’s body was just fascinating to her. Debbie had real girl boobs, not fake ones like hers. About the only thing they had the same size were their nipples, although hers were pink and Debbie’s were purple — that was weird.

Debbie caught Stephanie looking, and instead of getting embarrassed or quickly putting her top on, she made Stephanie get undressed while she watched. She’d given her what she called a “baby doll” style set that had a top that was like a cross between a short dress and a long tank top, and little shorts on the bottom. Stephanie tried to keep her panties on, but Debbie said the shorts were soft enough she wouldn’t need to. She had to get completely undressed in front of Debbie.

She pointed at Stephanie and wrinkled her face. “I don’t understand. You look just like a girl!”

Stephanie blushed, and quickly pulled on her shorts. “Things are taped up down there. Things I wish I didn’t have.”

“No, I mean even up top. You look just like some of the girls in my class. It’s almost like your boobs know they’re going to get their chance to grow. She reached out and touched Stephanie’s chest. “You know, I think you’ve even got buds. “ She took Stephanie’s hand and put it in place. “Feel that little lump behind the nipple? That’s how a boob starts out.” Then she shockingly brought Stephanie’s hand over to her own chest. “And after a few months you get this. That little bud is still in the middle there; you might be able to feel it.”

Stephanie felt weird, but gave her friend’s breast a little squeeze. She might have been able to feel something like what she’d felt on herself. She let go. “Thanks.” She pulled on her pajama top, which had a little elastic band built in below her bustline, and really made it look like she had something up there. “Debbie, can you keep a secret?”

Debbie got a serious expression on her face and made a fancy pattern in the air with her fingers. “Definitely. Anything for my BFF. I will take your secret to my death!” She leaned back on her bed, closed her eyes, and stuck her tongue out like a corpse.

Stephanie waited for Debbie’s resurrection before she continued. “Just like I told your mom, I really want a girl body, but the doctors won’t officially give me hormones yet.”
She took a deep breath before giving out her secret. “I went on the internet and found that there are these herbal things that were make boys grow boobs as a side effect, so I bought some and have been using them for about a month now. So I really hope you’re right about me starting to grow. You’re the only one I’ve told about this, so don’t say anything to anyone.”

Debbie stared, wide-eyed. “Wow. That’s like, so cool.” She gave Stephanie a hug, then pulled on her own nightgown. “If you want, we can share my bed instead of leaving you way over there. Sometimes it’s good to cuddle.”

Stephanie took her up on the offer, and she was right. It was nice to cuddle. Debbie’s parents checked in on them a couple times, and thought it was sweet and cute and innocent. They left the girls alone until morning. After breakfast, Stephanie got dressed in some of her new clothes and then Julia drove her home.

Stephanie was excited and eager to show her new things to her mother, so she brought all her shopping bags to her and told her about all the cool ways she could wear stuff, but when Mom saw her bag of lingerie she got really mad at her. She said that the things she’d gotten were inappropriate for a girl her age, and told Stephanie she was very disappointed. Stephanie said that Julia had shown her where to get her clothes, so she at least thought they were ok for a twelve-year-old. After all, she was almost a teenager.

Mom didn’t like it, but she’d told Stephanie to follow Julia’s fashion advice, and apparently that meant that she’d end up dressing in sexy underwear. She was having flashbacks to dealing with Stephanie’s sister Michelle at that age. The realization was hitting her that she’d have to deal with the nightmare that is raising a teenage girl all over again. The two of them spent the morning in separate rooms until Dad got home to referee.

Sunday morning, they tried a new church way over in Wallace. Their minister thought he was funny, and made a lot of sports jokes that just didn’t work. It was a shame they had to drive so far just for that, so they went out to a nice restaurant for lunch. Stephanie was nervous, but they got home with plenty of time to spare.

She changed out of her church dress and put on a layered outfit, with her long-sleeved red t-shirt under her new blue NY Giants t-shirt, and navy blue leggings under her red pleated skirt, and her sneakers. For jewelry she wore the silver charm bracelet Brian had given her and her silver star earrings. She did her hair with her red padded headband, and used plenty of Brian’s favorite strawberry lipgloss. She asked her mother if she looked sports fannish enough, but she just called her too cute for words and took her picture.

Dad said she was ready too quickly, and made her wait like a whole half hour before he said it was time to go. And it wasn’t because he needed time to get dressed, since he just changed his shirt to his Patriots sweatshirt and kept on the pants that he’d worn to church. Stephanie thought he was just sore with her because she was rooting for the other team.

As it turned out, they were still the first guests to arrive. Mrs. Somers met them at the door to take their coats, and told Stephanie that she should go see if Brian was still getting dressed. Stephanie’s Dad asked if it was a good idea to let the two of them be alone , but Brian’s mom just laughed and said that there was nothing to worry about, seeing as how Stephanie was really a boy.

That stung, but Stephanie tried not to show it. She went down the hall to Brian’s room. The door wasn’t quite closed, so she gave a quick knock and pushed it open. He was standing there in just his jeans, with his shirt off. She took a good look at him and saw that his chest looked nothing like hers. His nipples were tiny and almost the same color as the rest of his skin, and nothing stuck out at all, not even a little.

He smiled when he saw her and came towards her for a kiss. She took advantage of the opportunity and ran her hands across his chest. It didn’t feel like hers either; it was smooth except where there were ribs underneath, and nothing anywhere was soft like hers, without the little lumps she had. Stephanie was so happy - it proved that she was becoming more like a girl than a boy!

Meanwhile, Brian had kept kissing her and doing that cool thing where he touched her tongue with his. He was really getting into it, and must have interpreted her examination of his chest as something else. He ran his own hands along her body, going so far as to grab her butt under her skirt. She’d worn one of her new thongs under her leggings, so there was only one layer of fabric between his skin and hers. It felt different.

Brian pulled her with him and backed up into the room until he fell back onto his bed with her on top of him. He held her hips on top of his and bounced her up and down. She finally realized that it was like he was having sex with her, except they were dressed. Stephanie wasn’t sure whether it would be rude to ask him to stop, so she just waited until he finished. At least the kissing was fun.

When he was done he finished getting dressed, throwing on shirt. It was a Giants jersey, so they kind of matched. Stephanie took a moment to fix her lip gloss, and he finally noticed what she was wearing and told her she looked pretty. It sure took him long enough! He sent her along ahead and said he’d be a minute.

On her way to the family room, Stephanie was detoured by Brian’s mother who called her into the kitchen. She wanted a hand getting the refreshments ready. Stephanie was more than happy to pitch in. She got to take a giant bowl of chips downstairs while Mrs. Somers carried a big rectangular pan containing a seven-layer dip. Whatever those layers were made of, they sure were thick!

A few other guests had arrived while Stephanie had been playing with Brian. Her dad was in the family room talking with Mr. Somers and some other man. He introduced himself as Max Schmidt, and she shook his hand. He told her father he had a lovely daughter, and then winked. Maybe he knew her secret? She wasn’t sure. Anyway, she had to go dash upstairs to stir a pot of little weenies in sweet-and-sour sauce so they wouldn’t burn, while Brian’s mom dealt with some snacks in the oven.

In the kitchen she remembered to tell Mrs. Somers that Julia Washington said hello. Stephanie then had to explain how she’d been shopping with Debbie and her mother and had mentioned that she’d be going over to her boyfriend Brian’s for the big game.

Brian’s mother frowned. “I see. So she wanted you to let me know that she knows about you and Brian. You need to be careful who you tell things, Sweetie. Now she’s got leverage to use against me the next time the women’s auxiliary group meets.” Stephanie looked puzzled, so she explained further. “We’re on the same church committee, but now she can force me to vote her way, or she’ll let the right people know that my son has a little gay drag queen boyfriend, and then we’ll be kicked out just like your family was.”

Stephanie didn’t think Julia was as mean as Mrs. Somers was making her sound. She really didn’t want to get stuck in the middle of a fight between her best friend’s and her boyfriend’s mothers, but if she had to choose she’d probably side with the one who called her a girl over the one who kept saying she was a boy.

By the time all the edibles were brought down and Stephanie was finally ready to join the party, the rest of the guests had shown up, and all the seats were taken. Mr. Schmidt and Stephanie’s and Brian’s fathers were on the couch, and Brian’s friends Tim and Josh, who Stephanie had met before, were in the two regular chairs. Brian himself was sitting in a beanbag chair on the far right that hadn’t been in the room the last time Stephanie visited. They must have brought it from another room. She looked around and couldn’t figure out where she’d fit.

Tim got a sly look on his face and said, “This chair’s kind of big. We could share it. Want to sit on my lap?” He opened his arms to make a place for her.

Brian smiled, said that it was a good idea, and then got up and made Tim switch to the beanbag. He sat in the now empty chair and called Stephanie over to sit with him. She felt a little self-conscious sitting on his lap, especially with their dads watching, but neither was shooting dirty looks, so she guessed it was okay.

The downside to sitting on Brian’s lap meant that she’d have to get up when he wanted to go get more snacks or another can of Coke, and since she was up anyway it just seemed easier to go and do it for him. Somehow that evolved into Stephanie working as a waitress for everybody. It was only natural to get stuff for her Dad, and she wanted to stay on her boyfriend’s father’s good side, so fetching an occasional plate of wings for Mr. Somers didn’t seem like asking too much. But she wasn’t exactly sure how she ended up serving Tim and Josh, too. And then of course Brian’s mother would call her upstairs whenever another round of pigs in blankets or whatever was ready in the kitchen. Mrs. Somers may not have believed she was a girl, but she sure treated her like one!

The game itself, what Stephanie saw of it, was about as exciting as a football game can get. Her team was winning at the end of the first quarter, but then the other team got ahead at the end of the second. The dads bet each other some money that their team would win, and kept raising the bet. It started out as a friendly twenty dollars, but it was up to a hundred at half time, when they disappeared to go talk business.

This dumb old musician guy was the half-time act, and the boys wanted to play a quick game of Mario Kart, but Brian’s “Uncle Max” insisted they watch this Tom Petty guy sing his songs. For old people music, it wasn’t horrible, but it still wasn’t Stephanie’s cup of tea. She preferred music by other girls, like they’d had before the game started.

When the second half of the game started, there was a lot happening but nobody scored anything in the third quarter. But then in the fourth, it got crazy. First, her team scored and regained the lead. Then, the other guys did. The dads were getting really excited, and their bet was up to three hundred. Like just as the game was running out of time, her Giants got another touchdown, and they won! Stephanie got so excited she forgot people were watching and gave Brian a deep kiss, the good kind. It earned her a couple wolf whistles from Brian’s friends, and a stern look from her Dad.

After the game, she thought she’d get a little bit of time alone with Brian while their fathers finished their business chat, but she got wrangled into helping clean up. None of the other guests had to. Sometimes being a girl meant being treated unfairly.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Twelve-year-old Stephanie Brooks used to be an eleven-year-old boy who didn’t mind his parents. When they punished him for peeking at his Christmas presents by making him dress in girls’ clothes, she became more comfortable with herself and turned into a responsible, considerate girl with a much sunnier disposition. In this episode, Stephanie starts attending her new school, a liberal institution with an unorthodox approach that just might be what our girl needs. As we begin, it is Monday, February 4, 2008. (After far too long, the author has found enough free time to release an update, and she promises to try to do better next time.)

Episode 23

Stephanie had spent three hours the night before picking out what she would wear to her first day at Hutchinson. It was tricky finding the right balance. She thought most girls would be in jeans, but she didn’t want to look too much like a boy. But if she went in a really girly dress or skirt, it might look like she was trying too hard and call just as much attention to herself. With Mom’s help, she ultimately settled on wearing her brown corduroy jumper over her white turtleneck and her new white leggings and her brown shoes. She’d have to change for her karate class halfway through the day, so she’d pack a pair of jeans in with her gym stuff and if it looked like not enough girls were in skirts she’d switch when she changed after class.

Having a “Plan B” made her a little less nervous, but when she woke up Monday morning she still waffled a little on what jewelry to wear and how to do her hair and makeup. She ended up going with her silver star stud earrings, a simple chain necklace, and just her watch on her wrist — she’d wanted to wear her charm bracelet for luck, but it just didn’t go with the ensemble. Almost as an afterthought, she clipped her new school ID card to the strap of her jumper. She pulled a white headband on and then brushed out the back of her hair so it flared out with a little more body than usual. After arguing with her mother over what would be appropriate, she went with just some gloss on her lips as her only makeup. She dabbed on a little cologne and checked herself in the mirror. As far as she could tell, she looked like a typical girl ready for her first day in a new school.

Her next crisis was figuring out how to manage all her things. She had a pocketbook, a backpack and a gym bag, (which were all pink, since her mother had picked them out and thought that was what a girl would want) and she needed to carry them all at the same time. It dawned on her that since she didn’t have any books yet, she could stuff her gym bag into her backpack. She wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea to put her purse in there as well. Back when she was a boy, Steven hadn’t paid attention to what the girls at school carried around with them. Stephanie decided that she’d feel more comfortable if she could see her pocketbook, so she kept it outside her backpack.

Elephants were doing cartwheels in her stomach, but Mom made her eat breakfast anyway. Throwing some scrambled eggs down on top of the elephants slowed them down a little, but she still felt awful. And then even when Stephanie was finished eating, she had to wait for her mother to take forever on her own breakfast before they could go. Coffee was supposed to make grownups revved up, but Mom just sipped hers so slowly!

The drive took long enough that by the time they reached the school, Stephanie’s nerves had changed their mind and she now would rather stay in the car than get out and walk into the school. Mom talked her through taking a couple deep breaths to collect herself, and then she was able to go in.

She walked up to the receptionist’s desk and gave her name. The nice lady told her to wait a couple minutes and then the principal Ms. Lancaster came out to greet her. Stephanie had met her the previous week when she’d come for her admission interview. “Good morning, Stephanie!” She smiled broadly, and then leaned down to embrace her in a warm hug. She attached a cute little pin to Stephanie’s top, opposite her ID badge.
It was bright green and looked like an acorn. “This will let everyone know you’re a new student here. Wear it every day until you feel comfortable and confident finding your way around campus. Then it’s yours to keep as a souvenir of your time here. And then if you see anyone else wearing one, you’ll know that they could use a helpful friendly face.”

Stephanie thought that was a cool system. “Thanks! Where do I need to go next?”

“We’ll head on up to your homeroom, get you settled in.” Ms. Lancaster put her hand on Stephanie’s shoulder and started leading her down the hallway. “You’re up on the second floor in room 214. There is an elevator, but we encourage our students who can do so to use the stairs.”

Once past the area with the administrative offices, the hall was bustling with activity. Kids of all sizes and ages were streaming off to wherever they belonged, but it wasn’t like at her old school. No one was pushing or shoving anyone to go faster, and people were generally smiling and friendly to each other. There were dozens of voices talking at once, but nobody was shouting. And like magic they all got out of the way and cleared a path for Ms. Lancaster and her charge.

They went up a wide staircase and around a corner to a nice wide hallway lined in lockers where kids were dropping off their stuff. Ms, Lancaster checked a piece of paper she was carrying, and led Stephanie to Locker number 259G. She showed her there was a little electronic display screen on it that said “Brooks, Stephanie: Grade 6.” Next to it was a slot where she just had to slide her ID card and the locker opened. This school had some pretty awesome technology!

And it didn’t stop there. Inside her locker was a hook where she could hang her coat, and under it was a built-in tray to collect rain and snow and stuff and drain them away. There was a shelf where she could put her gym bag that had extra ventilation, and a space where Ms. Lancaster said they could plug in a chilled compartment if Stephanie was planning on regularly carrying her lunch to school. But the coolest part was that her locker had a built-in charging station for Stephanie’s brand new computer — it was a fancy tablet like she’d used to take her placement tests, and it came with a keyboard, a pen, and a mouse that all had their own special slots in the charger. There was a box in her locker for her to take home at the end of the day with another charger to use at home. All this was included in her tuition fee. Stephanie stowed her backpack, and took only her pocketbook and computer (in its carrying bag with the school logo on it) with her.

Ms. Lancaster then took her to Room 214, and introduced her to her new homeroom teacher, Ms. Dominguez. She was a tall, pretty lady with long wavy black hair and big brown eyes, dressed in a red and white striped sweater and a black skirt. Ms. Dominguez made Stephanie stand and wait in the front of the class until after the bell rang (It was more of a chime noise coming over the loudspeaker) and the rest of the kids took their seats.

The classroom was a little smaller than the ones at Stephanie’s old school, and there were way fewer students in it. There were just twelve desks, and only nine of them had kids in them. Ms. Dominguez told the class, “As you can see, a new acorn has joined us today. I hope you all will make her feel welcome.” She gestured toward Stephanie. “What name do you like to be called?”

That was a scary question. Was Ms. Dominguez in on her secret, and about to reveal it in front of everyone? “Um, Stephanie.” She swallowed hard.

Ms. Dominguez smiled. “Okay. I wasn’t sure if maybe you preferred Stef or Steffi, but it’s nice to see someone who uses her whole name.” She leaned in and whispered. “My first name is Cassandra, and I have some friends who call me Cassie even though I tell them not to.” She straightened up and returned to her regular tone of voice. “Tell us a little about yourself, Stephanie.”

The nickname thing was a big relief, and it took Stephanie a couple minutes to reply. “Oh, Hi. I’m Stephanie Brooks. Hi, everyone.” She gave her new classmates a little wave. “I used to go to Roosevelt, before it burned down, and ended up here because I like to draw and stuff, and they said the art program is good here.” She shrugged, unsure what else to tell them.

The teacher nodded. “Oooh, an artist! It will be nice having you around when the time comes to decorate our room for holidays. You can take a seat. We don’t have assigned seating here at Hutchinson, so just pick any empty desk.”

A blonde girl with pigtails, glasses, and a pink shirt on that Stephanie’s mother would adore, raised her hand and pointed at the desk next to hers. “Sit here!”

Stephanie went over and claimed the indicated seat. The girl’s name was Peace Hayes, and she started showing her how to turn on her computer tablet, but then Ms. Dominguez turned on her own computer and the big screen where the blackboard would be lit up.

Ms. Lancaster came on the screen and gave the morning announcements. It was like she was a TV news lady. She even gave a weather report, and then wished a bunch of kids each a happy birthday. The cafeteria would be featuring Moroccan stew for lunch. Finally, the principal gave shout outs to a couple students who’d just gotten back from being sick, and she ended by welcoming the newest student, Stephanie Brooks, to the Hutchinson family. It was kind of cool, but also kind of embarrassing.

Peace finished showing Stephanie how to get into her computer, (She just had to sign her name in a box with the computer pen thingy.) and even sent her an email. This school was definitely more high-tech than her old one. It was like she was finally living in the twenty-first century. Peace showed her how to check her schedule, and laughed when she noticed out that they had a couple classes together. They could also have lunch together on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, but Stephanie was on her own for her first time.

It was nice meeting a new friend like that. It came much more easily for her than when she’d been a boy. Steven had had like no real friends, just classmates. But Stephanie was exchanging phone numbers with a girl she’d known for fifteen minutes. She liked the new her a lot better.

When the signal rang to change classes, she checked her schedule and campus map and saw that it was pretty easy to get to Room 261. Mr. Reilly, her Creative Writing teacher, was shorter than most grownup men. He had curly black hair and a lot of forehead, and his voice had a funny accent like he was from England or something. She introduced herself, and he told her to take a seat in the front. When the rest of the kids had all arrived he said, “We’ve got a new addition to our class today. Let’s show her how things work around here. Stephanie, stand up here where the others can see you.”

Putting the New Kid on display seemed to be the way things worked at Hutchinson. She sighed and left her desk to go stand next to the teacher. She tried to smile. “Hi, I’m Stephanie Brooks, and…”

Mr. Reilly cut her off. “No, don’t tell them any more. We are about imagination here, so we’ll have your classmates tell your story for you.” He looked at the other students. “As I point to you, I want you each to stand and tell me something about your new colleague.”

Stephanie was confused. “Am I in the right classroom? I’m supposed to be learning writing now.”

The teacher straightened his posture. “My dear girl, you are indeed in the correct place. Here you will learn how to master the written word and make it serve you. But the written word is but an approximation of the spoken word. We invented writing as a way to capture the ephemeral sounds of language in a form that could be more permanent. If you can write creatively, you can speak creatively.”

One of the other kids groaned. “There he goes again.”

Mr. Reilly continued, “I heard that, Tiberius Spencer. Perhaps I have given this speech before, but at least one member of my audience hasn’t heard it, and I believe at least one other member hasn’t listened to it. As a student of creative writing, I will endeavor to help all of you improve your skills as literal storytellers as well as literary ones. Some of the most significant writing in literature was intended to be received aurally and presented orally. Shakespeare is considered one of the greatest writers in the English language, and most of what he wrote were plays, meant to be performed, not just read. And for my money most poetry (with a few exceptions like cummings’ typographical gymnastics) can only really be appreciated when recited. The eye cannot guide the brain to understanding the tintinnabulation of Poe’s bells anywhere near as well as the ear can, as an example. So, in short, you will be expected to present your work in class through spoken presentation nearly as often as through written text. But don’t misunderstand; while I do aim to guide you toward being better able to articulate your thoughts into words, if you need assistance with the actual physical act of articulation that is handled in a different department than mine. Does that make sense?”

Stephanie wasn’t exactly sure what he’d just said, but somewhere in there he’d said she was in the right class, so she just nodded.

“Very well, then. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Students, let’s come up with the story for how Stephanie here ended up in our class. Tiberius, since you were so eager to start, you can go first.” He indicated a skinny boy with shiny black hair sitting in the back row.

His story was that Stephanie had witnessed a mob hit, and the FBI relocated her to Hutchinson. It was scary when he mentioned that her name wasn’t really Stephanie, but he didn’t guess that she hadn’t been a girl before, so she could breathe again. The other eleven kids then gave their explanations for how Stephanie arrived at their class, which ranged from her being a refugee from the war in Iraq to the daughter of a European prince forced to live in exile. It was fun hearing everyone allowed to just let their imagination run wild.

After everyone had gone, Mr. Reilly asked Stephanie to tell the others “her real story.” She didn’t want to miss out on the chance to play around like the rest, so she took a gamble that he didn’t really want the true story. So she explained about how she was a space alien sent as an observer, but had grown fond of Earth and its people and had been sending false reports back home for a while; she didn’t want the place overrun with tourists. It seemed like she’d guessed correctly, since she earned a smile from the teacher.

Stephanie realized that she hadn’t paid much attention to her schedule when she had to go back to room 214 for her second class. It turned out that her homeroom teacher Ms. Dominguez was also her math teacher. She also recognized Peace, who wanted her to sit next to her again, and a couple of kids from her Creative Writing class. Math was still math, so it wasn’t that different from at her old school. But instead of a textbook and a workbook, it was all combined on her tablet, and instead of making the kids get up to write out a problem on the board, Ms. Dominguez could make it so the big screen in the front of the class showed what was on someone’s tablet. She’d walk through a couple examples, and then let one of the students do the next one, and let others join in if they got stuck. They were studying fractions, and Stephanie was a little lost, but she did her best to follow along.

Ms. Dominguez showed Stephanie where there was a folder on her computer for her math homework, and that a new assignment would be appearing in there every day, and she could turn it in just by pressing a button, and she could email her if she had any questions. It was like she was going to school in the future or something; there was no paper anywhere.

Peace walked with her to her next class, Social Studies with Mr. Myers in Room 254. He explained that usually the class was divided out for the week with a discussion of current events on Monday, history on Tuesday and Wednesday, and a civics lesson (whatever that was) on Thursday, with Fridays calling back to any topic the students were interested in. However, this week would be an exception. Since the next day would be Super Duper Tuesday, they’d be focusing on the presidential primary elections all week. It was current events and civics rolled into one, plus there was a good chance history would be made, as the country chose its first female or African-American presidential candidate from a major party.

Stephanie had never paid any attention to political stuff, so she felt very stupid as all the other kids talked about which candidates they were rooting for and she had nothing to say. Mr. Myers was very patient with her though, and didn’t mind explaining all the terms he used even when she was the only one confused. He put up some maps and graphs on the big screen and talked about all kinds of “magic” numbers that the candidates would need to get to secure nomination. She wondered why they didn’t just pick the person with the most votes, and that snotty boy from her Creative Writing class laughed at her. But Mr. Myers said that was actually a good question, and explained that various groups had tried to revise the voting system to something less complicated, but the people who could change it were the ones who benefit from the way it was currently set up, so it was unlikely. She felt better about asking, and he gave her some extra reading assignments that would help explain things. The general homework he assigned everyone was to watch the national news every night, and read a newspaper.

Her next class was one of the ones she’d been looking forward to the most, as well as the one she was the most nervous about, her Tai Chi class. It was supposed to be some kind of cool martial arts thing, but she’d have to change her clothes and she didn’t want to get discovered. She put her computer back in her locker and got her gym bag, and then followed her campus map to get to “Gymnasium C.”

The gym area was complicated. You went through a set of double doors and then you had your choice of going in one direction for locker rooms, another for Gymnasiums A through D, or a third for Gymnasiums E and F and the Pool, or through other doors outside to athletic fields, tennis courts, and the playground. Stephanie wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do, so she went straight to Gymnasium C. It was a squarish room with a mirror all along one wall and a thick mat on the floor.

The teacher there was an older guy with a gray beard and a long ponytail. He was barefoot and wearing a tight leotard-like thing that covered him to his ankles. He guessed who Stephanie was, and introduced himself as Elliot Mullins. He saw her bag and told her to go change into something she could move in, with either thin-soled shoes or barefoot like him. He recommended sandals for walking to and from the changing room in case she was afraid of athlete’s foot.

She went to the locker room and was pleased to see that they were separated between boys and girls. The bathrooms at Hutchinson weren’t, so she’d been worried about having to change in front of a bunch of boys. She went into the room and couldn’t figure out what to do; it was just a bunch of doors. She just stood there for a little while being confused, but then this girl came out of one of the doors. She was older, like a teenager, with boobs and stuff. She was dressed in a tight pair of blue shorts, a tiny little pale pink top with thin straps, and purple slippers. Stephanie was reminded that her new school went all the way through Grade Twelve.

Anyway, this teen girl saw Stephanie’s badge and said, “Oh hello there, Little Acorn. Do you need some help?” She nodded, so the older girl showed her how she just needed to run her ID card through a slot next to one of the doors, and it would unlock and let her into a little cubicle where she could change her clothes. Each changing booth also had an attached shower stall, so when she was changing back into her regular clothes she could wash off the sweat if she choose. She also showed Stephanie where there was a row of lockers that she could stow her gym bag in while she was in class. She demonstrated how, using her own bag. She picked a locker that said “vacant” on its little screen, ran her card down it so it would unlock, and stuck her bag in it. When she closed it, the little display now showed “Sparks, Artemis: Grade 11.”

Stephanie wondered out loud why so many students had such weird names, and realized too late that it was kind of a rude thing to ask. Artemis just smiled at her. “You can call me Missy; that’s not so weird, is it? But you’re right. A lot of the rich hippies who send their kids to Hutch do seem to go for unique names. As for me, I was named for a Greek goddess, but ever since Wild Wild West came out, everyone thinks my parents gave me a boy’s name. Sometimes I wish they’d just gone with the Roman version and called me Diana.”

Stephanie thanked Missy for her help and hurried to change for class. She put on the outfit her friend Debbie’s mother had assembled for her when she’d taken her to the mall the Saturday before. She stripped down and then started with her padded sports bra and thong panty (so there’d be no lines, which was supposed to be important) and then put on her light orange yoga pants and pale green tank top, and then layered a yellow spaghetti strap top over that. It was a very similar style to the top Missy had on, except she had no other layers under hers. She didn’t have any sandals like the teacher had said to wear, so she just went barefoot.

She was the last one to show up for class, but it didn’t seem like she was in trouble. Mr. Mullins had Missy lead the others in some exercises, while he gave Stephanie some one-on-one instruction, teaching her the fundamentals of Tai Chi, which was about focus and harmony and meditation. She’d been tricked. This wasn’t an exciting martial art like karate; it was like king fu being done in slow motion, and you never got to touch anyone or anything else. No wonder she hadn’t had to work very hard to get her Mom to let her take the class. But in the end it was kind of fun; she just had to imagine that she was fighting ninjas underwater. After class she changed back into her previous outfit. She didn’t think she was sweaty enough to need a shower, and she hadn’t brought soap or a towel or anything.

The next thing on her schedule was lunch. She knew where the cafeteria was, and had been shown how it worked when she’d come to take her placement tests. So for the first time that day, she didn’t feel lost or confused. But then when she left the line with her tray full of strange-looking but delicious-smelling food, she realized that she didn’t know where to sit. Steven would have taken his lunch to go sit at the empty table in the corner, and try to be left alone, but Stephanie wasn’t that sad, lonely boy any more. She was a friendly, outgoing girl. She took her tray over to a table where some girls that looked to be around her age were sitting, introduced herself, and asked if she could join them. It turned out she’d misjudged their ages and they were all a grade above her, but she was able to pump them for information about how her classes had been for them.

Her first class after lunch was “Health & Nature” which was the Hutchinson name for what her old school called Life Science. The teacher was a nice black (or was she supposed to call her African-American?) lady named Ms. Grimes. The students were in the middle of a unit where they were studying the diseases that kids their age usually catch in the winter, including how to treat them and how to avoid catching them. It was much more interesting learning something that could immediately affect her life, rather than just some general science stuff that wasn’t connected to anything. And the way it was taught with videos of actual viruses and stuff shown on the big screen, it was just better at keeping her attention.

To end her day, Stephanie had a double-length session, an art class in drawing and painting taught by Ms. Lucas, the teacher who’d recommended her to the school, back when her psychiatrist had shared some of Stephanie’s artwork with her. She gave her a welcoming hug, and set her right to work at a slanted desk with a pad of paper and a pencil on it. Stephanie had gotten so used to all her classes being on the computer tablet that it seemed weird to go back to paper, but Ms. Lucas insisted that she needed to be able to feel how the paper and the pencil were interacting, and the computer couldn’t do that.

She had a bunch of objects arranged on a table in the middle of the room, ranging from simple geometric shapes to a bowl of plastic fruit, to the top half of a mannequin draped in fabric. There were little spotlights from the ceiling pointed at some of them. Ms. Lucas told Stephanie to focus on part of the display, and to try to draw it. She’d always drawn from her imagination before, so trying to duplicate something exactly was a new challenge for her. Ms. Lucas roamed the room, giving the kids hints and pointers, and when she got to Stephanie, she showed her how she needed to be working from the general shape first, and then refining the details, instead of trying to get all the details right from the beginning. It was tough work, but it was definitely something she wanted to get good at.

She was so engrossed in her drawing that it came as a shock when the bell chimed to say that school was over for the day. There were more of those personalized lockers in the art studio, so Stephanie could save the drawing she’d been working on, and she could get back to it in the next class session. But Ms. Lucas did warn her that she rearranged the objects every week, so she shouldn’t spend too much time on any one drawing. She’d be getting plenty of practice.

Stephanie was so excited about her first day at Hutchinson that she spent the entire drive home telling her Mom everything that had happened, and then repeated it all for her Dad when he got home. He seemed more interested in her new computer, but he listened to her anyway. When she finally wore herself out and headed up to bed, her parents shared a knowing smile, glad that their child was finally thriving in an academic environment.

Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Twelve-year-old Stephanie Brooks has just started at her new school, a high-tech liberal environment that her dad calls a "crunchy granola" kind of place. Their policy of acceptance is important to her, since up until six and a half weeks ago, Steven Brooks had been living as a boy, since he had a boy's body. But since then, she has been living as a girl, and believes that she might just have a girl's mind. It started out as a punishment, but it hasn't felt like that for a while. Stephanie has started making new friends at the Hutchinson School, but she still doesn't quite fit in yet. As we begin this chapter, it is Tuesday, February 5, 2008.

Episode 24
For her second day of school, Stephanie wore her low-rise hipster jeans (which meant she had to also wear her low-rise hipster panties) and layered a light blue cardigan sweater over her girlish pink t-shirt that had lace trim around the collar. She thought that it made sure people looking at her didn't see a boy, even though she was in pants. To coordinate with her pink shirt and pink sneakers, she put in the pink beaded earrings that her Aunt Jeannie had made for her for Christmas. Stephanie didn't want to go overboard on the pink, so she didn't wear the matching necklace or bracelet. However, when it came time to do her hair, nothing else seemed to work as well with her outfit as her pink headband. So she just accepted that it would be a pink day. She went light on the makeup so Mom wouldn’t complain; just shiny lip gloss and one stroke of brown mascara on each upper set of lashes. She was almost ready to head out when she remembered to attach the green acorn pin that marked her as a new student to her sweater, and clipped her school ID card on the other side.

She had a quick breakfast with her mother and then they got in the car and drove to Hutchinson. Stephanie felt like a spy or something using her fancy ID card to open the door. She took a moment to get her bearings, and then figured she knew her way around somewhat and in fact her first three classes were identical to the day before, so that made things easier. She found the locker with her name on it, hung up her coat, and went to homeroom. Peace, the blonde girl with pigtails and glasses she'd met the day before, greeted Stephanie and reminded her that she'd have the same lunch period and was welcome to sit with Peace and her friends.

In Creative Writing class, Mr. Reilly had each of the students get up and tell about his or her favorite color. When it was Stephanie's turn, she felt very self-conscious about her outfit. "From looking at me today, you'd probably guess that my favorite color is pink, but really that's my mother's favorite color for me to wear, so pink clothes take up a lot of space in my closet. It kind of looks like Barbie's. My favorite color is actually red, so I just tell myself that I'm wearing light red." The teacher then prodded Stephanie to elaborate on why she preferred red to pink, and she said that red was more glamorous and romantic than pink. It was strange; she'd always liked red even back when she thought she was a boy, but the only reasons she could come up with for why she liked red were feminine ideas about lipstick and roses.

Her math class felt easier, now that she was more familiar with how to use her computer tablet. But the weird part was that the class she had after it, her civics lesson from Mr. Myers, had just as much math in it, going over some more election stuff. He said it was "Superduper Tuesday," a rare event when a lot of states were having primary elections on the same day. He was really excited about it, but Stephanie still couldn't get her head around it all. This stuff with parties and primaries seemed more complicated than it needed to be. Why couldn’t everybody just vote on the same day and whoever wins gets to be President? She thought about asking Mr. Myers but didn’t want to feel stupid.

At last the bell rang and it was time for lunch. Peace grabbed Stephanie at the end of class and led her to their lockers to ditch their bags before heading to the cafeteria. The burritos they served at Hutchinson were even better than Taco Day back at Roosevelt. Peace's friends were nice, if a little weird. They all gave their full names so Stephanie could email them through the school computer. Stephanie recognized a girl with curly red hair and a faceful of freckles from her Creative Writing class. She introduced herself as Lu "short for Lucretia with a T like Mott not a Z like Borgia" Chambers.

Nadia Randolph was a pretty girl with a soft brown complexion and a hint of Asia in her eyelids. She was wearing a long patchwork skirt that Stephanie thought looked fun. Nadia thanked her and said that her mother had made it for her and she'd owned it ever since she was three, with material being added at the hem and removed at the waist as she'd grown, and new patches sewn on where it had been torn or stained. She pointed out one little blue triangle that was all that was left of the original. Nadia said she liked the idea that something could be the same and completely different at the same time. Stephanie smiled at that but couldn’t explain the real reason, so she mumbled something about how being in a new school was like that. The subjects were the same but the way they were presented was totally different.

The only boy in the bunch had platinum hair (that was probably bleached based on his dark eyebrows) arranged in a wild, shaggy style. He wore a button-down shirt tucked into black jeans that were almost tight enough to be leggings. He stood up and bowed his head toward Stephanie and made this spirally gesture with his hand as though he were winding a string attached to his forehead, and Stephanie noticed that he had twinkly diamond studs in his ears. "Delighted to meet you, Milady. Bierce McAllister, at your service." Stephanie blushed a little when he kissed her hand.

Peace leaned over and nudged Stephanie. "He's gay," she loudly whispered.

Stephanie tried to put a shocked expression on her face, but she couldn't hold it for long without giggling.

Bierce just rolled his eyes at Peace. She stuck her tongue out at him. He turned back to Stephanie. "What she's trying to do in her clever way is make sure you're okay with me. You are, right?"

Stephanie wanted to say, "Well duh," but she preferred to keep her own status in the closet. Instead she laughed and said, "Of course I'm okay. You're a person. Why did you ask? I didn't think there were any of those uptight fuddy-duddy types here."

Lu joined in the conversation. "No fuddies that I'm aware of, but there are a few duddies, like that jerkface Ty Spencer." To clue in her friends she added, "He's got Reilly's writing class with Steph and me." They acknowledged knowing who Ty Spencer was with a chorus of sympathetic groans.

Peace spoke up again. "So if you're cool with Bierce, you're gonna love Breezy! When's she going to get a chance to meet her?"

Bierce answered her. "I don't know; she doesn't like winter much. She's more into sundresses and miniskirts these days." He turned to Stephanie. "A couple years ago, I spent all school year dressed as a girl. It was a fun persona, but too limiting. Now Breezy only comes out every once in a while, for special occasions, or if I'm just really bored."

Stephanie had a mixed reaction to that. On the one hand, it was nice to know that her new friends didn't have anything against boys who liked to dress as girls. But on the other hand, her new friends had seen a boy who dressed up as a girl, so they might catch things that other people miss. She was especially worried that Bierce would be able to guess her secret. Stephanie just smiled and tried not to let any of that show on her face.

Bierce winked at her. "My shrink says I shouldn't play for attention so much, so I try not to go overboard all the time. But Hutch encourages artistic expression, so it's hard not to. I love it here!" Stephanie thought about mentioning that she’d only found Hutchinson through her own psychotherapist, but didn’t want to have to explain what was wrong with her.

The last member of their clique was Denali Gibbs, a girl who spent most of lunch busily working on her computer tablet. She was dressed in jeans and a striped sweater, and had her long brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. She stayed out of the dramatics, but did look up and shake her head every so often, when her friends were being ridiculous. It was a bit of a relief to see that everyone here wasn't so outgoing.

Stephanie seemed to fit in okay with this group. It was a strange experience, since Steven had been so shy and withdrawn and never made any real friendships. But Stephanie was talking and laughing with a bunch of kids she'd just met as if they were old chums. She wasn't sure if it was because she was a girl now and girls were just naturally friendlier, or if it was because she was happier now as a girl than she'd been before and people were friendlier to happy people. Whatever the reason, she liked it.

After lunch, she had her first flute lesson. The music room was interesting. The kids who knew what they were doing could go to little soundproof booths and play their instruments into microphones, and a computer would tell them if they hit the right notes. But beginning students like Stephanie got to sit on stools arranged in a circle in the middle of the room and receive one-on-one instructions from the teacher, Mr. Kaufman. He was pretty cool, tall and skinny with long spidery fingers, but a really friendly smile. He started by having her spread her hands on a table so he could measure her fingers, to pick the right size flute for her. He went into a closet and handed her a fancy-looking black case, something like a little suitcase. Inside the case was a brand new shiny silver flute broken apart in three pieces. To keep track of where things were, he scanned the bar code on Stephanie's ID and she signed an electronic form to show that she'd accepted the flute.

Mr. Kaufman showed her how to put her flute together and take it apart, and had her practice it a few times before he moved on to showing her how to clean her flute inside and out every time she'd be putting it away. And at last he actually got around to teaching her how to play it. Maybe it was from having lunch with Bierce, but Stephanie got the impression that her teacher might be gay. There was just something in the way he dressed, and the tone of voice he used, that seemed kind of "dainty," if that's the right word.

Her suspicions seemed to be confirmed when he pulled out a tube of lipstick to show her how to shape her mouth to play. He showed her the print his lip made on his own flute, and then gave Stephanie her own fresh tube of lipstick and had her try to make the same shape lip print. She had to clean off her flute several times before she got the right shape, but then when she blew across the hole, it made a musical sound! Mr. Kaufman gave her some breathing exercises to practice with for homework. Stephanie considered keeping the lipstick on for the rest of the day, but ended up switching back to her original gloss.

The next new class Stephanie had was called "Digital Media Lab," and she was curious to find out what that meant. It turned out to be about making art with computers. It made her a little uncomfortable that she seemed to be one of the oldest students in the class except for these three boys in the back who looked like they belonged in high school, and of the eleven other kids there were only four girls and she guessed that they all were fourth-graders. But the teacher Mr. Sanchez was like some kind of awesome punk biker dude, with pierced eyebrows and circles stretching out his earlobes, and tattoos on his arms. He seemed to tell what she was thinking and told her not to worry about being a little behind the other kids; the class was an introduction to the technology and all that would be expected of her was that she'd know more about the tools at the end of the semester than she did at the beginning.

He showed her how she could plug her computer in at a workstation with a bigger screen and a special pen-thing for drawing. Then he actually asked her how she wanted to learn to use the software. He said that she could just dive into the program and poke around to find out what it could do, or run a tutorial program that would guide her through the system one step at a time at her own pace, or she could follow along while he gave seminars at the front of the classroom. If she wanted to pop in a pair of earbuds and tune him out, she was welcome. It was weird to think that she'd be the one in control, not the teacher. This school was strange, but it seemed like the right place for Stephanie. She picked the tutorial option, but she though she might do some exploring along the way.

She zipped through the tutorial pretty easily, until she hit this one point where the program wouldn’t do what it was supposed to. She tried over and over again, getting more and more frustrated. The teacher was in the middle of giving a lesson, so she didn’t want to interrupt him to ask for help. She was surprised by a voice behind her. "Hi, I’m Jerry. You look lost. Want help?" It was one of the older boys who’d been sitting in the back of the room. He’d gotten up and come over to her desk.

Stephanie wished herself invisible. She just wanted to disappear so this boy wouldn’t see how stupid she was at this computer program, but it didn’t work. He just stood there, smiling at her. He was taller, probably like fifteen or sixteen, with dark curly hair and little round glasses. He looked like Harry Potter from the latest movie, but a little chubbier. He might even have been kind of cute, if she’d been the kind of girl to notice cute boys, but she totally wasn’t. She took a breath and tried to calm down before speaking. "Um, hi. I’m Stephanie. This computer’s just being stupid! It said I could draw a circle and then click on it to change stuff, but it doesn’t work." She demonstrated what she had tried for him.

Jerry laughed, and she felt humiliated to her very core. But then he looked at her with his eyes wide and said it was cool that she could draw a circle freehand like that, and made a joke she didn’t quite get about it getting her a job with the pope. Then he showed her that it wanted her to use the special circle making tool, not the pen. That did feel like a total rookie move on her part, so she relaxed. Stephanie laughed with him and thanked him for his help. He went back to his desk and she read the rest of the tutorial more closely.

Just before the end of class, her computer chirped that she had a new email. She clicked on the thingy and saw that she’d gotten a message from "Jerry Garcia Schneider" with the subject "Hang in there." It had a thing attached and when she opened it, it was a cute little cartoon. It showed a girl sitting at a computer and it was a pretty good likeness of Stephanie, with the same hairdo and the same outfit and a decent cartoon version of her nose. The only thing that seemed off was that Stephanie didn’t think her boobs were as noticeable as the cartoon girl’s. She got a frowny face and a bubble appeared over her head that said "Stupid computer" and then she pulled out a giant mallet and smashed it up. Then a bunch of calendar pages flew by and Cartoon Stephanie was sitting at a new computer happily typing away. The scene faded to a big sign that said "Don’t worry – it gets easier." It was pretty nice of Jerry to do that for her. She turned around to thank him, but the class had ended and he’d left to go to his next class.

Stephanie’s own next class was Folk Dancing. It was held in Gym B, so she wasn’t sure if it was like her Tai Chi class and she needed to change her clothes first or whether she could just dance in her regular clothes. She went back to her locker to get her gym bag just in case, but that made her like the last one to show up for class. There was a clump of girls in the room all casually chatting and Stephanie wasn’t sure how to interrupt and ask about the class, but then one of the girls noticed her and broke out from the bunch. A closer look revealed her to actually be older than the students, around twenty or something. She also looked familiar – it was the receptionist from the dance studio where Stephanie had been taking ballroom lessons to get ready for her cousin’s wedding.

"Oh hey, it’s the Maestro’s favorite student! He’s gonna be so jealous when I tell him his little princess is in my class." Stephanie blushed and gave a confused smile.

It turned out that Cheri (none of the other students called her "Ms. Middleton") was actually more than just a receptionist at the dance studio. She was a trained instructor, and taught several classes at Hutchinson. She explained to the other students how she knew Stephanie, and had them introduce themselves to her.

There were seven other girls, who ranged in age from nine to seventeen, and two boys. The younger of the two, a thirteen-year-old Latino-looking boy named Ferris, made it clear that he was only taking the class to be with his girlfriend Seattle. The older boy, sixteen-year-old Cerulean, was just really into dancing. He was giddy and wanted to know everything Stephanie knew about the Maestro. Stephanie wondered if there were that many openly gay people at Hutchinson, or if she’d just coincidentally run across three of them in one day.

The way the class worked, they’d learn a new dance every month, and since Stephanie was joining them on the first session in February, they were all on the same page, so she didn’t feel as lost as in some of her other classes. Cheri said that since they now had an even number of students she was able to change her old plan and switch to a dance that needed pairs. She started by showing them a video of authentic Ukrainian folk dancers performing the dance they’d be learning, and then went into a brief presentation about the geography of Ukraine and its culture. She said that traditional dances were a great way to gain insight into how other peoples felt about things. Stephanie wasn’t sure she understood or agreed, but nodded as though the idea made sense.

Cheri had the students line up by height and then split them into pairs, and for the three pairs that had two girls she told the taller one she’d be learning the boy’s part. Stephanie held her breath and only let it out when she got paired with a taller girl. It would have been too weird if she’d have to pretend to be a boy. But the partner picked for her was Seattle, and Ferris was a little upset at that. He complained to Cheri, who told him that he needed to have a more open mind about things but then she asked Stephanie and Mariposa, the girl he’d been paired with, if they were okay with switching partners. The girls nodded, so she switched their partners. Stephanie was now paired with a grouchy Ferris. Cheri said she’d seen Stephanie do amazing work with an uncooperative dance partner before, so she expected good things. Stephanie hoped she wouldn’t let her down.

They ran through the video again, and then Cheri started teaching them the movements. It looked like the finished dance would be kind of fun, but there were a lot of pieces to learn. By the end of class Stephanie understood why folk dancing counted as Phys. Ed. in this school. Cheri said that the girls who were dancing as boys needed to make sure to come to the next session in pants, but the girls who were dancing as girls could wear skirts if they wanted to. She told Stephanie that she didn’t need to be as fancy as for ballroom; this was a more casual dance lesson.

When her Mom came to collect her, Stephanie wanted to tell her everything about how her day went, but she couldn’t decide what to start with and it all came out sort of jumbled together. Her mother just chuckled and smiled, pleased to see that her child was excited about school, in sharp contrast with Steven’s old attitude.

They didn't have time to drive home first and instead went straight to Stephanie's appointment with her therapist. Dr. Howard asked for a few details on how Stephanie was settling into her new school, and Stephanie's response was to give her an unsolicited hug and thank her profusely for helping to get her into Hutchinson. She talked about starting to make new friends and meeting more gays than she ever had before in her life, and Dr. Howard tried to steer her away from labelling people. She asked if she was feeling as bored and disconnected as Steven had at Roosevelt, and Stephanie said that even the classes that were about stuff she didn't care for were still kind of interesting, and everyone made her feel included.

At home, Stephanie plugged her tablet into the workstation at her desk and dove into her homework without needing to be prodded. She noticed that she’d received some emails. One was from a teacher she hadn’t met, a Ms. Benton, who said that since Stephanie was scheduled for an hour of playground time on Wednesday, she might want to bring along a change of clothes in case of bad weather.

She also got an email from Denali, the quiet girl from lunch. She said that Stephanie seemed nice and told her that she shouldn’t feel intimidated by the more outgoing members of the clique, and she was welcome to sit with them even when Peace wasn’t making her. She thanked Stephanie for helping Denali and Nadia to feel less outnumbered by Peace, Lu, and Bierce, who didn’t seem to get that some people prefer to be low-key. Stephanie thought that was a sweet note and sent a quick thank you response. Making new friends was a weird but cool feeling, and wasn’t as hard as she’d expected.

The other email she got ruined Stephanie’s good mood and sent her into a panic attack. It was from Kimberly Stevens, a girl from her old church, a girl who’d been to Stephanie’s birthday party, a girl who’d been in that Christmas pageant that started this whole thing, a girl who knew Stephanie’s secret and could expose her. When she got up enough nerve to open it, it wasn’t quite as scary. The message just said, "Hi! I saw your new student announcement. Welcome to Hutch! So you’re going by Stephanie all the time now? That’s so cool! I checked, but we’re not in any of the same classes, so frowny face. I guess I’ll see you around the halls and stuff. Let me know if you need help getting around campus." Stephanie couldn’t help herself and sent a reply, "Hi Kim! Thanks. Hutchinson does seem like a cool place. I’ll keep an eye out for you. Um, I probably don’t need to ask, but just in case. Please don’t tell anyone about my whole name thing and stuff, you know. To be honest, this me feels more real than that old one. Thanks again."

Stephanie had to take a few minutes to settle herself before joining her parents for dinner, so they wouldn’t think something was wrong and pull her out of her new school already. She held onto the positives and tried to shake off her doubts. Things were going great, and so far she had no reason to think they couldn't continue to be.