A Needed Change - Part two

On Saturday I had no plans, and knowing it would be busy out I had no desire to go out there either. I made myself some French toast for breakfast and just sat about relaxing, wearing a simple cotton dress and just hung out really. While walking from one room to another I passed the intercom which buzzed, and without thinking I picked it up, cursing myself for doing it as I said hello.

“Beck, is that you?”

It was my sister Jane, and what am I supposed to say at this point, no? I said hello and asked what she was doing here, but she told me she was passing and thought she would drop in. With very little options I pressed the button and ran to the bathroom, looking at myself and the make up remover, but stopped. I hadn’t put a bra on this morning and in the short run to the bathroom one of my boobs had bounced out of the dress when the button came undone. I would never be able to remove them and my makeup quick enough, so the best thing to do was just put a bra on and face the music.

I unlocked the front door for her to let herself in, and went to sort out a bra, walking out of the spare bedroom as she came in towing an overnight suitcase. She saw me, and for a fraction of a second she froze, but then carried on like it was nothing, asking me if the kettle was on, and telling me I looked nice. Going with the flow I walked to the kitchen, complimented her on her jacket and asked how come she was ‘just passing’.

Turns out she really was, she had been in Brighton and for a couple of days and was on her way home so she broke her journey to say hello. As we caught up, not once did she ask me a single thing about what I was wearing or how I looked. Once we both had our tea, we went to sit on the sofa at opposite ends, both curling our feet under us, and looked at each other and burst out laughing.

“So, is Becca back then?”

“What do you mean?” I asked her.

She went on to explain that when we played dress up, I always wanted to be called Becca, short for Rebecca and it all came flooding back to me that I always liked this name as it was easy to switch to if I said the wrong one.

I told her all about the last few months, she knew about my broken relationship of course, but how I lost ‘our’ friends in the break up as they were always her friends. Since then, it meant that apart from work I didn’t really have a social life, and how I seemed to just fall into this, finding some comfort in it over the last six months out so. She shuffled over to me and gave me a hug, and I rested against her, getting comfort from her as it all seemed to flow out of me, telling her everything, even about how I took a week off work just so I could be this version of me, and that when I was out and about, I just seemed to fit in and no one looked twice at me.

“I’m not surprised, you always looked happy as a girl, but now you got those puppies you look great!”

I hit her with a cushion.

She wanted to see my wardrobe so we went into the spare bedroom and she asked why I kept it all here, making me shrug and wonder that myself as I looked around. It was a lot more girly than the main bedroom, but it also helped to keep things separate, like I didn’t want my two lives to mix. Anyway, she found one of my dildos, which was embarrassing and led to a separate conversation which I pointed out was neither needed nor wanted right now, just suffice to say that yes, I have toys, and no I don’t know what it means in the long term.

And then she dropped a bombshell bigger than Becca always being my name. “But you know you’ve always been bi, right?”

“How can you know it if I don’t know it yet?” I asked.

“You had a boyfriend when you were little, when we played dress up you had an imaginary boyfriend.” She told me.

I said, “Huh? Anyway, so what, that was just playing, it meant nothing.”

“If it meant nothing explain to me why you have boobs?”

She had a point I guess, and I told her it was probably just something else to add to my list of things to think through. Anyway, we chatted for a while and I showed her my new insta which she followed immediately and I made us both lunch. While I was sorting it I got a text from mum, as it seems Jane let the cat out of the bag and sent a screenshot of one of my insta’s, so that’s another conversation for the future, but at least she just said I looked nice and to enjoy myself while being careful.

Jane told me that meant I was going to get the ‘make sure you’re safe everywhere you go’ chat from mum, but that’s ok, I’m not being dumb. Hanging with my sister again was nice, we hadn’t seen each other for months and we chatted like never before and at some point she decided to stay overnight, taking her case into my bedroom, pointing out it’s time I slept in the one with my clothes in. I did change the sheets for her, it’s only fair, but we ordered in some food and she dared to me answer the door in a bikini, but no, I would not do that.

After we ate, she told me I had to do a forfeit as I didn’t do the dare. I pointed out we never agreed to those rules, but she said it is one I would like, and all I needed to do was get cleaned up. I had no idea what she was on about, but she told me it was time for a make over, and I thought it might be fun, just like when we were kids but now she knows what she is doing, which hardly seemed like a forfeit to me. She used my en-suite and I used the main bathroom, cleaning off my make up, making sure I was smooth all over and washing my hair as instructed. Once we had both finished we met in my bedroom (the spare one), and we started working on our hair, sharing the dryer and giving me lots of tips from her on how to style it myself.

Then it was time for make up, and I had to do mine, with touch ups from Jane, and she needed to borrow some of mine to do her own face as her work trip wasn’t that kinda of event. Anyway, we had fun, laughing, drinking wine, doing our faces and talking about clothes and work and her lack relationship as well as mine.

Once we had done our faces, we started going through my wardrobe, looking for something to wear. Maybe I was stupid at this point, but I think you can tell where it’s going, but for me it was just an extension of my week and our childhood of playing dress up. Once we had both picked something we liked and both approved of, she told me what you already know. We were going out.

I panicked. A lot.

It’s one thing going out during the day to look in shops, it’s another thing to do a late night walk, but how we were dressed it was clear she wanted to go out, out, and as much as I was denying it, I did too.

And it was so much fun!

We got a cab, and following careful instruction before we left, I now knew how to get in and out of a car, a good thing too as the dress was quite short and the gentle breeze was enough to lift it. The strapless bra was a new experience, but I was grateful for it as the dress was off the shoulder. We went to a lot of bars, we drank a bit, had drinks brought for us we never touched, flirted with some guys, a first for me but as I had no intention of doing anything with them I wasn’t bothered. I saw three guys from work, not ones I knew well, just recognised, and was thankful they stayed elsewhere in that bar.

But more than that, I felt really confident being out and about, mixing with people and just having a great time. If I had been out as a guy with guys, I would have been drinking more and talking less, but this time everything just felt fun and, well, right. Even sharing a toilet stall with my sister felt right, there was nothing weird about it, even when I had to tuck in front of her. It was quite funny chatting too a guy while my sister made out with his friend, and I saw her look at me while doing it, telling me with her eyes to do the same with the other guy. I wasn’t ready for that, I mean, I have done a lot this week but wasn’t ready to make out with a random guy. But I did kiss him on the cheek when we went to the next bar. What I mean is I did it, it was my idea, I leant over and put my lips on him, touching him with them, and it felt like a cute thing to do.

And it was fine, it didn’t even feel sexual, but then Jane told me later when we got home that when she was kissing the guy it wasn’t sexual for her either, she just wanted to have a little fun and I should have let my hair down. In bed I had a lot to think about that night.

Maybe I should have grabbed the opportunity? I mean, he wasn’t ugly.

But I still feel like this is just a bit of fun, but I also don’t seem to be able to let go of it as maybe that’s the step I’m not ready to take, a random man who doesn’t know the truth about me, rather than stopping this. Should I see if I can get a date online, just try it out to see where it might go? But that’s not the image I have in my head, if I do it, I want it to feel romantic, not slutty.

I want to be attracted to the man I kiss.

In the morning we talked a bit over breakfast while she booked her train home, and she never once mentioned how I was dressed, which was in a long hoody, really a dress and over the knee socks. With an hour or so to spare before she needed to leave, I suddenly found myself on the end of a ‘big sister talk’. She did say at least I wasn’t being stupid, not going too fast, but also seemed to be enjoying the experience of being a woman. And once again she told me something that I seemed to have blanked out from when we were kids, in that I cross dressed a lot more than I thought I did.

It seemed I quite enjoyed dressing, and would often dress at home, even going out as Becca with Jane and mum. But it all stopped one day when I threw a mini tantrum and demanded to be allowed to dress, I must have been about 11 at the time, maybe even 12 when it happened. I wanted to dress up, but mum needed to go shopping and as we were both young, we had to go with her, but I wanted to stay home in my dress. Mum said if I wanted to stay in it, then I had to come shopping as well, and maybe I was just being bloody minded, but I did.

And that was the last time I wore a dress, as in the supermarket I saw a school friend and wanted to leave immediately, but mum told me this was my choice, and choices have consequences, so I need to suck it up. Of course, the moment we got in I changed and never asked to wear a dress again. I was struggling to remember it, I had a vague memory of it being scared outside in a dress, but nothing clear, and it took a text from mum to convince me it happened. Maybe that’s why it took me so long from first that time I moved the clothes, to the first time I went out?

But here I was in a hoody dress, and last week was clearly something important that I needed to do, and maybe this has always been part of me and now it’s had the opportunity to come back. I hugged Jane bye at the lift, then looked at myself in the mirror. Tomorrow I had work, so I needed to get out of Becca’s head and back into Becks. But I didn’t want to change, so I opted for some jeans and a tee shirt, removed my makeup and just lounged about before getting up and sorting out my bedroom, by which I mean I sorted Becca’s bedroom, moving things into it so that I really could keep my two parts separate, tidied up my clothes, put those I would wash during the week in a pile on the bed, took off the jeans and tee shirt and underwear, adding it all to the pile, then walked out closing the door behind me. In Beck’s bedroom, I grabbed some sweats and a tee shirt for the rest of the day, trying to put Becca out of my mind till tomorrow at least.

On Monday I put on my work clothes, trousers and shirt, socks and my strangely uncomfortable shoes considering what I had become used to wearing, anyway, I drove to work, parked up and headed towards the building, bumping into Steph on the way in. She ran the few steps towards me and flung herself at me in a hug. She’s done this before when one of us has been on leave, but this time I hugged her back, very aware I was hugging her back like a girl as she told me never to leave her alone again. I promised the same of course, and made her say the same to me. The work day was a work day, what else can be said, although I had to keep forcing myself to be a bit less feminine as it had become habit, but at lunch time we both went for a coffee and caught up, even though we had covered everything in extremely edited highlights already.

I managed to hold things back, not quite sure how much I should say, but I decided that when giving her a lift home I would tell her the one thing I have planned so I can test the waters. In the end I bottled it, I just lost my confidence when the words were ready to come out. On Tuesday the same again, I tried to tell her but didn’t, I mean, she’s not just a work friend, we hang out together of work sometimes, maybe not a lot, but she has a hot boyfriend and I’m single. Wait, did I say her boyfriend is hot? Ignore that, I’m waiting to have that conversation later.

Anyway, on the Wednesday giving her a gift home, she suggested we stop somewhere for a drink. Once we were seated outside with our beers, she looked around then looked me right in the eye.

She said, “So, there’s something you wanted to say the last couple of days on the way home but didn’t. What did you want to say?”

Oh god, she knows, Richard did recognise me, she saw me in the cafe and she knows. I could feel myself going red and looking around, I noticed we were away from everyone, she was giving me a chance to open up.

I looked at her and said, “What do you mean?”

“Oh please, twice you were about to say something but stopped yourself. Wait, has the runaway bitch come back and you think I might get jealous?”

She never met my ex, but always calls her that and I can see from the look on her face she’s serious. Ok, it’s time to man up. I know I can’t tell her about Becca, I mean, I want to, but I’m still not sure about it. My sister is always going to accept me, same goes for mum even if she did go on about my safety when I called her on Sunday. But telling Steph? I want to tell her, I really do, but I think for me this approach might be a good one for now.

I take a deep breath, check again we can’t be overheard, and say, “Um, I don’t know why, but for some reason I really want to give a blow job.”

She starts to say something but stops herself, finally saying, “Well, that’s a lot better than you telling me you’ve got a new job.” She pauses before saying, “Or your ghosting ex.”

“Is that what you thought I was going to say?” I asked.

“Yes, I know I always say ‘don’t leave me again’ when you’ve been on leave, but I thought this time that’s why you were nervous to tell me something. Still, I can’t blame you you for being nervous, I mean, you know I’m not a fan of those types of job but at least you won’t need to leave me to for it.”

We looked at each other and started to laugh, then had a quiet conversation about it, and my sexuality, or Beck’s that is, and that it might just be curiosity, but I wanted to taste one and I’m not sure why. She asked why I didn’t try it during my week off, and I talked a little about how I don’t just want to drop to my knees, I kinda want it to feel like it’s special, so it probably won’t happen anyway.

She looked at me as she thought about it and said, “You know, not all men cum from oral, right?”

I admitted I didn’t, but I think Becca must have been shouting in my ear as I asked, “Um, does Richard?”

She didn’t even pause as she said, “No thank god, I’ve never liked the taste but some people do and you never know, you might be one of them.”

I said maybe, who knows, but I told her I was glad I had shared it with her, I feel like with everything we know about each other it only seemed fair I shared it. She gave me a sly look, and said, “Just so you know, each person tastes different, so any experience you might have with the flavour won’t translate to others.”

I looked at her and her eyes were asking me to share one more thing, and I held up a finger and said, “Just once, it was ok, but like you, my back isn’t flexible enough to drink from the source.”

We drank our beers, chatted and it wasn’t mentioned again, but as always I felt close to her and the next day at work it wasn’t mentioned, although she did ask me if I ever looked at any of the guys we work with wondering what they might taste like, but I made it very clear with my eyes that wasn’t open for discussion. On Thursday it wasn’t discussed at all, and today I felt a lot less Becca for the first time, feeling that I had put my week of practicing movements and speech behind me, not falling into it once. But when we walked out the office, Richard was waiting for her and I instantly felt Becca again, making Steph ask me if I was ok.

I was, it’s more that I felt the other side of me wake up, and I had to spend the whole evening on the playstation to try and keep some distance from her. I mean, on Monday at work it was the first time I stood up to pee in a week and it felt weird doing it that way again at a urinal, but tonight when I got home I sat down and it was an effort to get out of her mind and back into his. But on Friday I was definitely all Beck again, and I gave Steph a lift home as Richard was working late that night; he didn't even make it to their usual weekly lunch date. Anyway, when we got to hers, she invited me in, made a cup of tea and when we sat down, I said, “Can I tell you something else?”

“Oh god, you really are leaving work aren’t you!”

I reassured her again I wasn’t, and said, “Well, remember what I told you?” She nodded. “Well, the guy I find myself thinking of, is well, your boyfriend.”

She was silent for a moment, and I was mortified, sure I had destroyed our friendship, but she just said, “Well, I can tell you he won’t cum if you do.”

And then she started giggling, but she gave me a hug, telling me that must have been hard to share, but explains why I acted a bit differently yesterday. I asked her if she hated me now that I confessed I had a little crush on her long-term partner, but she told me it was ok, after all, how can she be angry if others like what she has.

“I have to ask though, why him?” She asked me.

“Um, don’t be angry, but you’ve described him to me more than once, even when I asked you to stop, you told me he bottomed out in you so I know he must be a good size.” She nodded in agreement. “And, there’s also that thing you told me about when he was at university.”

She looked confused for a second, then said, “Oh, you mean when he used to make out with that guy all the time before we got together?”

“Um, yeah, I mean, I guess that means he’s open to it in some ways, but it’s not like I would do anything, even if he waved it in my face.” She gave me a look as if to say, really?. “Ok, if he did wave it in my face I would feel guilty right after doing it, but you know what I mean.”

Once again she asked me if I had ever tried it, held one, or even seen one outside of porn, and I hadn’t, not even in PE at school. She looked at me and said, “I doubt if he would be interested, I mean that guy was before we got together. Anyway, I have an idea.”

And she got up and left the living room, coming back after a couple of minutes with her hands behind her back. “So, you’ve never seen a real one, never touched a real one, but maybe there is something I can do to help.”

And from behind her back she showed me a dildo, sitting down on the floor in front of me holding it out like it was some kind of samurai sword. I slid down to sit on the floor with her, and asked, “So?”

She started laughing, telling me it was a chance to hold one, saying it’s about the same size as her boyfriend, is would give me an idea.

I said, “Um, two questions, has this been inside you and has it been cleaned?”

“I can’t sit here holding it out all night. And the answer to both is yes.”

I looked at her, and reached out for it, holding it up and said, “This is silicone, it’s no big deal.’

She looked a bit annoyed at me, and said, “If you’re serious about wanting to suck a cock, here’s a chance to see what it feels like.”

I said, “But not what it tastes like, I mean, it’s hardly going to be a nice experience.”

A smile slowly crossed her face and she said, “I thought you might say that, so this should help.” And in her other hand was some strawberry flavoured lube. “And you clearly like holding it, your thumb keeps stroking the head.”

I hadn’t even realised I was doing that, I mean, I know I do it all the time with my own dildo, but it must have been a Pavlovian response to holding it. I took the lube from her hand, and as I put a little on the tip and started smoothing it around, I said to her, “Ok, don’t judge me for this.”

I took hold of it, looked at the tip of the dildo, and then looked at Steph. I think she was expecting me to stop and hand it back, but over he last six months I’ve learned a lot about myself, or I should say Becca has learned a lot about herself, and although I was sitting there as Beck, I felt maybe 60% Becca right now.

I said to her, “You think I won’t do it, don’t do?”

She smiled at me and shrugged and I thought to myself, right, if that’s how she wants to play this, then I can play too. I opened my mouth and showed her I wasn’t just serious, I was a little skilled too, something else I picked up six months ago when I started, or maybe restarted this journey. I kept going and put my tongue out to lick the balls as the whole thing was in my mouth, thankful she had lube so I could go deep early.

I sat there and looked at the surprise on her face. I think she was expecting me to be nervous, not do what I just did, but I wanted to show her I was serious and it was the easiest way I could think of to prove it. I took hold of the end, pulling it back and looked at her as I licked the tip, then I did it again, all the way down into my throat and taking my hands away and waggling my eyebrows at her. I hoped she could see I was smiling, but instead I saw the door open and her boyfriend, Rich stand there looking at me.

Her head spun round but there’s me sitting there with something clearly in my throat, and I slowly and as teasingly as possible, withdrew it, holding the tip on my lips as I said, “Hi Rich.”

He looked at me, not sure what to say and Steph started to laugh, so I just put it back in, but was on the verge of laughing myself and had to take it out. He just said, “I have no words, so will get changed.” And left us giggling on the floor. I helped Steph clean it and our coffee cups, hugging her bye as Rich came out of the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and drying his hair. Of course, we looked at each other and started laughing again, and he looked at us both as I just said “Don’t worry, it’s a private joke.”

And then Steph looked at him, and then me and said to him, “Don’t worry, I will tell you later.”

She gave me a look that pointed out it wasn’t exactly a big deal considering what he just saw, and I told her with my eyes that I hoped it didn’t make things difficult for her and I left to go home. Of course as soon as I got in I went straight to my bedroom to start getting changed, then to my other bedroom to pick an outfit for the evening and put in the wash the clothes I wore last week. As I sat there watching TV and drinking some wine, I wondered why I waited till the weekend to do this, why can’t I feel happy as myself during the work week? I can be a grown up about this.

And then I spat wine everywhere as I started laughing thinking about the look on Rich’s face when he walked in on us.

The next day, Saturday, I got up reasonably early, put the washing in the dryer and headed out to go food shopping. I went for jeans and hoody again, and while I was out I got a text from Steph asking what I was up to. I told her I was shopping but had no plans and she said she would meet me outside my block. I stopped and looked down at myself, and thought, well, it could be worse.

As I walked towards the building, I could see her standing outside holding two coffees and it wasn’t until I was only about five metres away when she looked at me again that her eyes went wide. I put my bags down as I opened the door with the fob, and looked back at her, waiting for something to be said.

“Beck?”

“Becca. Come inside.”

We walked in together and she said nothing, just looking at me, riding the lift in silence and she stood there watching me put my shopping away., Finally I turned around to face her and said, “It’s just a shopping outfit. Want to see the rest of my wardrobe?”

She snapped out of her trance and said, “Fuck yes! Let’s see what else my hot BFF has to show me beside her tight and very nice ass!”

I laughed, taking the coffee that looked like it was for me and walked to my bedroom (Becca’s, but can we just assume you can work out which bedroom I mean from now on, it’s a bit of a pain having to explain what I’m sure you can work out). As we looked through everything she held up an outfit and said, ‘Hallowe’en.’ I opened the other wardrobe and held up another outfit and said, ‘also Hallowe’en’, and I could see her making a plan for her annual party.

While we were in there, I got a chance to explain the story, and I got a new follow on insta with a like for my shopping outfit photo. And a lot of questions about my week off. And then she saw the selfie I took in the cafe on the Friday when she was meeting Rich, and in the background there she was. She threw a pillow from the bed at me and furious with me for not sharing this sooner.

I told her that I saw Rich buying cigarettes and she said she knows he smokes but does try to keep it away from her, mainly when he’s away for work. I regretted bringing his name up, I felt sure that was why she was here, asking her if it was, and she said, “Oh, no, I just wanted to say how impressed I was with your skills,” and she picked up one of my dildos, rising her eyebrows at me, “But I can see we have some similar tastes in silicone.”

Yes, it was the same one, seven and half inches of insertable length and a very nice girth. “I guess subconsciously I was basing my purchase on your seemingly very accurate description.” And we started giggling again, talking about clothes, I talked about my week off and like my sister, she wondered why I didn’t make out with the guy in the bar.

She grabs her phone and starts typing out a text, tells me she has to go home soon but has just told Rich that she’s now having a girls night out with her friend, telling me that I need to be ready by seven as she will be round to help me pick an outfit as now I really am her BFF. I have a great wardrobe and she has her eyes on something she would like to wear tonight, we can talk fashion now, and how we both fancy the same man!

I laughed a little, but felt accepted but her and started to cry, making her climb over the bed to hug me, telling me it was ok, but really, I feel like I am a very lucky girl to have such an amazing friend.

The rest of the day, I was meant to be working out how I wanted to look, but once I had repaired my eyes I decided to jump in my car and get my ears pierced, and asked the girl doing it if she could fit the studs I picked up last week. She could, and I then had to listen carefully, kinda hard to do when you’re admiring your first ever earrings, but I got the message and would keep them clean.

As I walked back to my car, I realised in all the excitement this morning, I didn’t ask Steph something, so sent a quick text, asking if she told him what I said. It took no time at all for the three dots to appear, and reply. ‘Of course I told him, he was flattered and said you got skills, but he would never cheat, so dream on girl, he’s all mine! Hahahaha!

I sent a sad face emoji back and she sent the eggplant and splash one back with a devil face.

Once at home I started trying to sort out a possible outfit, comparing it to things on insta for a night out, trying o see what works and what might, knowing that Steph will say if I got it right or not. I was looking at myself in the mirror, wondering if I’ve gone too slutty or over the top in outfit, and when she got here, she told me I was being way too slutty!

Over a couple of glasses of wine, a new outfit was selected and Steph even borrowed one of my skirts as she thought it looked better on her. We’re almost the same size, I think I’m a little smaller, but not by much. She did enjoy looking at my breast forms when I had to switch to the strapless bra again, but it did lead to a funny conversation. I was a bit too nervous to compare mine to hers, but she had no qualms in doing so as she felt me and herself, but at least she was interested in how they stick on and get blended to hide the seam. When she first reached to feel them, I pulled away, but she said, “Relax, I’m curious but not that kind of curious. I love you, but not enough to love you that way.”

I poked my tongue out at her, but it was quite weird having the lump of silicone stuck to me move as she touched it, but not actually feel it being touched, kinda like when your arm goes to sleep, you can’t feel it, but you can feel the affect of being touched. She had nice boobs, but I wasn’t checking them out, more like admiring them for what they are, and I think wishing I had my own like them. Anyway, new outfit selected, a rough plan for the evening made, basically go to one bar, see what it’s like then start going from one to the next until we get bored.

As much as I enjoyed my time last weekend with my sister, this time with Steph was very different. Maybe I was just getting used to it, maybe it was because I was with a friend, I don’t know, but this time I didn’t just feel nervous, I felt natural, confident and yes, I felt sexy too!

I was a woman, on a night out with her friend, and I didn’t care what anyone else thought. I danced a little, I flirted with men when they tried to chat us up. That was a lot of fun, Steph got to say she was taken, I got to say I was heartbroken, and this time I didn’t feel any pressure to make out with some random guy.

There was one funny half hour in a bar when we bumped in Rich and one of his friends. We chatted away for about ten minutes when he looked at me and suddenly clicked who I was. I gave him a little wink and subtle nod, then when his friend went to the toilet, I asked him not to say anything.

Steph made a very simple threat if he did, or should I say she gave him a promise of something if he didn't. He was silent all the time, almost like he was weighing it up before he said, “You know, I wouldn't have done that anyway, but will you still keep your promise?”

Steph said she would, but she would decide when, and he seemed quite happy with that. I put a hand on his arm, almost cuddled up to him, then looked at Steph and said, “And you do promise to tell me every single detail of it as well, won’t you?”

His eyes went wide and me and Steph started to giggle, I guess he’s worried that I might get over excited at a literal blow-by-blow account of him getting, well, blowed!

Rich and his friend left us after half an hour or so, we moved to a different bar, and I wasn’t quite ready to go to a club, I mean, I don’t know if I can dance yet, well, you know what I mean by that? It’s a different experience of being in a club and I got touched enough in the bars we went to, but being on a dance floor might be too much right now. We got a cab back to mine, and we just carried on chatting and drinking wine, until at some point it was time for bed.

Steph told me she was going to stay the night if I was ok with it, and I of course hugged her and said it was. Standing in my bathroom next to her as we removed our makeup, and brushing our teeth was kinda nice, I think I missed having company like this, just close friendship. A couple of sleeping tee shirts and out of our bras, and she headed to Beck’s bed while I went to my new and now favourite bedroom. As I lay in bed, I was thinking of switching this arrangement around so that Becca gets the en-suite, when my door opened and Steph walked in.

She came over to the bed and climbed in and we lay there looking at each other.

I said, “Um, are you scared of the thunder we’re not having?”

She giggled and said she wanted me to have a proper sleep over, saying, “Besides, we both fancy the same man, it seems like a good time to talk.”

“Are you really ok with me liking him? I’m still coming to terms with it myself and he’s your boyfriend.”

She said, “It’s ok, I guess I think I’ve always seen you as more feminine than masculine, and the way we talk that’s how a lot of people look at you.”

She took my hand and we laid there looking at each other. She continued, “Are you ok with that?”

I told her of course I was, I mean, we’ve been hanging out all day and evening as two girls, she’s wearing my sleepwear, I have boobs and I got her to promise to tell me all about the promise she made to Rich. “Speaking of which, I do mean it, I want to know everything about it.”

“Well,” she said, “It’s like this. I have no intention of doing it, and he’s just had his birthday treat so he’ll have to wait a while before I do it to him.”

She looked at me, and I started to laugh, saying, “I’m not going to say it, I mean, I’m thinking it, but not going to say it.”

I expected her to laugh, but she didn’t. Instead she said, “I can’t be the one that says you can, sorry. It’s his body so he decides what happens to it.”

I was surprised she was suddenly being so serious. She went on, “But, you’re like my best friend at work, now becoming my best friend out of work. So I will say this, I love you a lot, I hope you love me, and if it happens it happens. Just please be honest with me, and please don’t let it be something that hurts any of us.”

I think there was something in my eye.

I shuffled forward and hugged her, saying I would never do anything to hurt her, she really is my best friend in every way, “I mean, I let you feel my tits!”

And we started to laugh, then chat, until eventually we fell asleep, waking up in the morning still holding hands. I looked at my friend and just thought how lucky I really am. I tried to move out of bed slowly without waking her, but her eyes snapped open. I went to make coffee, and ten-minutes later I heard her in the bathroom before joining me.

She said, “So, what are your plans for today?”

I explained that I needed to start thinking about tomorrow, changing back to Beck and try to get a bit more manly for work, and she told me good luck, as I’ve never been that manly int he first place. In the bathroom she was borrowing some of my makeup to touch up her face and she was watching me in the mirror as I started using the solvent to remove my boobs. Once that was done and I was cleaning all the gunk off me, she said, “So how come you have little boobs?”

I replied, “Well, they make the clothes look nicer, and they just feel right, even if these weren’t cheap.” As I put them away carefully ready for next weekend.

Steph kept looking at me and said, “But what about those ones?”

I looked down, and maybe because I see them every day I had never noticed, but yes, I have pecs. She said, “No, I think there’s more. Flex your muscles and bounce.”

So I did and they moved, ok, they giggled a little but I told her ‘it’s probably just a bit of fat’. She said, “You’re skinnier than me and a little fat doesn’t make your nipples bigger. Are you on hormones?”

I took another look at myself and this time I held them more carefully, examining what there was and Steph joined in. “No. But, it can’t be true, can it?”

And I walked back into my kitchen with Steph following me and I started pulling food out of the fridge and cupboards. Soybeans, soy milk, soy yoghurt, tofu. I laid it all out and looked at it, I mean, I had researched it but didn’t really believe it and told Steph the truth, I’ve been eating food that is meant to be high in oestrogen but never really believed it. Steph looked concerned for the first time and said, “You know, when we first met, I thought you were a butch lesbian, and I’m not alone in that. It was when I was told that you stood at the urinal I knew you were a cis male. But you’ve always been on the feminine side of androgynous, so maybe it would be a good idea to see a doctor.”

I nodded, but also saw my reflection in the toaster, I was still topless and looked down to see my little boobs, maybe an AA cup at best, but definitely little boobs, booblets.

And I saw them harden a little as I looked, covering them up and looking at Steph hoping she didn’t see.

She saw, and she said, “Yep, you’re a grower not a shower. Yet!”

A Needed Change - Part three

Monday at work wasn’t the first time I felt a little weird after everything had seemed to ramp up for me, but I was definitely distracted and this time it had nothing to do with being in, well, clothes that were starting to feel less natural to me. At the end of the day when I gave Steph a lift home, she told me I should probably make a doctors appointment as it’s clearly on my mind, and assign as I had changed into my sweats, I gave them a call.

I told Steph first thing in the morning that I was taking a half day on Thursday to go to the doctors, still surprised at how quickly I managed to get in to see them. But on the way home, she told me that as soon as I got home I was to get changed into something I wanted to wear to help me feel better, not telling me directly to become Becca for the evening, but it was kinda implied, and then to come back to hers. I would have done it anyway, but it gave me a reason to wear something other than lounging about clothes.

Opting for a pair of jeans and v neck tee shirt, I jumped in my car and went back, only to be told the moment I arrived we were heading out for a bit, but I wanted to hang back as Rich was watching the Lionesses play, and there was no way I was missing that. I’m not a big football fan, but if there is one team I support it’s them and I wanted to watch as I thought this was why I was invited round. Sitting in their living room, cheering the girls on and Steph was getting annoyed at us. Once they won, of course, what other result could their be for them, it not like they’re New Zealand, Steph insisted we head out to a bar.

She was distracting me from any possible health issues for sure, and Rich was fun to hang around with as well. I got to look at him in a very different light, sure, he’s still hot and my BFF’s boyfriend, but his also great to hang out with and really good at making me laugh and Steph laugh. The three of us played some pool, we had some cheesy fries, we laughed and she completely made me forget about the doctors. And as an added bonus, when we said goodnight, not only did she kiss my cheek, so did he, making me blush to my roots and Steph mimed something to me behind his back.

But one thing she made very clear is that if we want to watch the Lionesses on Saturday it would have to be elsewhere, and we agreed to find a bar somewhere showing the game.

The next day at work I was back to being Beck and things felt more normal, the night out instead of sitting there stewing it over helped, but in the evening I did find myself thinking about it again. I mean, the food surely didn’t give me tiny boobs, that’s just not really likely so it was hard not to think about it and other possible outcomes. But, well, lets face it, I’ve been feeling them and examining them since they were pointed out to me and other than feeling squishy, there was nothing else I could feel there.

But on Thursday, I slipped out the office with Steph giving me a hug and a hand squeeze before I left. I don’t think I was that worried, but it’s clearly been on my mind and I had a few questions for the doc that auntie google wasn’t able to answer satisfactory. I had plenty of time once I got home so jumped in the shower and automatically started checking for any stubble or fuzz that I needed to remove, running a razor over a few places, and decided to make sure my face was still hair free.

Looking for clothes I went into my bedroom and started searching for lingerie, picking out my favourite pink set and rather than glueing my breast forms on, just stuck them in the bra. Looking for clothes, I went for a pair of jeans and a white hoody as it wasn’t that warm and started filling my bag and adding some light makeup and lipstick that was more red than pink to my face. In the lift heading down to the garage for my car, I looked at myself in the mirror and my hair was a mess, so I pulled a scrunchy out of my bag and tied it back.

Once I parked nearby, I started walking to the doctors and caught sight of myself in a shop window and stopped dead.

Why was I going to the doctors where according to my records I’m a man, and I chose to dress in a way that screams woman. I mean, I might not of glued my forms in place, but I still have them in my pink bra! It was too late now, and I have to live with my decision. The receptionist didn’t even blink when I gave my name and she looked at my records, telling me to take a seat and all that was left was waiting.

When it was finally my turn to go in, I was trying to think of the last time I saw the doctor. It must have been soon after I first registered with them when they gave me a check up, but since then I’ve been fit and healthy and never needed to be there. I’m not even sure what my doctors name is.

Walking into their office, I was kinda relieved that they were a woman, and she offered me a seat as they looked at my records on the monitor, and turned to me.

“Hi Miss Stevens, how can I help? I see you’ve said you have a growth that needs checking, is that right?”

“Um, well kinda, but I should say I’m not actually a miss, it’s Mr Stevens.”

There was only the tiniest moment of surprise on her face as she looked me over very quickly and turned back to the monitor to look at my records. She did some taping on the keyboard, turned back to me and said, “Whatever you want to tell me, I’m here for you.”

And all the worries I had flowed out of me and more.

Heading home I felt a lot better, but still, there were some other things to worry about. As I got in the lift my phone vibrated and I had a text from Steph telling me she saw me get home and to open the door and let her in. Detouring to the lobby to open it for her, she rushed in to hug me and without saying a word we got in the lift. Once inside she pointed me to the sofa, held up a wine bottle but I shook my head so she put the kettle on and made tea for us both. Once we were both seated she said, “So how did it go?”

I rolled up my sleeve and showed her the plaster from my blood tests, explaining what happened.

“It was good actually. She asked me a lot of questions, I mean, I could hardly avoid them seeing how I was dressed.”

I told how the doctor listened as I talked all about the last six months where I started dressing, even about what happened when I used to dress as a kid, how I recently started going out, how great Steph is and how supportive my family are being and so on.

“I think I was only meant to have a ten minute appointment but I was in there at least half an hour but I lost track of time, and when I cried she even helped held the mirror for me as I repaired my makeup. And that was when she asked me to undress so she could examine me.”

I looked at Steph and told her I was wearing pink lingerie. “She complimented me on it, saying as well that I had a nice figure and didn’t even bat an eyelid as I took the breast forms out before I took my bra off. She checked me over, measuring me and comparing me to measurements taken when I had a check up, I don’t even remember them measuring me there, but it seems I don’t have to worry about the foods I’ve been eating giving me boobs, I’ve had them for a while.”

Steph told me she thought that was the case but when she saw me topless for the first time she was just surprised and is sorry for scaring me so much. I turned and asked, “Wait, you knew I already had them?”

Turns out that sometimes she could see my nipples through my shirt at work, mainly when I used to look at her or other women, sometimes when I get cold, but very recently she’s only noticed it when we talk about her boyfriend. I closed my eyes and covered my face in embarrassment, I can’t believe my nipples have got hard like that and now I need to think about what to wear at work to hide it when it happens. At least she said that she didn’t think anyone else had noticed it.

Anyway, once I had got over that horrific thought, I told her about how the doctor thought I was woman when I walked in, and when she saw my figure she had a lot of questions all about that and having a small waist and wider hips, not being particularly hairy and being able to look feminine so easily.

I carried on, “And then she asked me about having erections, can I get them. What made that horrible is she was examining it at the time and I was desperately trying to keep my mind elsewhere. I mean, yes I can get them, I’ve never had a problem, but she asked me if I ever get unwanted ones.”

Steph was about to say something, but stopped herself, so I told her she can ask it. “Do you get them?”

I said, “No, not really, or at least I don’t think so. Now I have to wear something at night around it to check if I do, which is just an awful idea, but as she said, I don’t appear to have an obvious gender dysphoria, so I might just like looking like this, but she wanted to run some tests to see if I have any hormone problems that need to be fixed. I should find out in a week or so and I will have to go back. But at least she didn’t find anything bad, and funnily enough if the receptionist hadn’t misheard me when I said ‘I have some growth on my chest’ and thought I said ‘breast’, I wouldn’t have got such a quick appointment.”

Steph leaned over to hug me, telling me that no matter what she will be there for me. She went quiet for a moment and I could see she was thinking about something to say, but I didn’t want to push her into saying it this time, I might not want to hear what the question is. She said, “One question though, why did you dress like that?”

I smiled at her, and said, “She asked as well, and do you know what, I don’t know, I just got changed when I got home and only realised what I did just before I got there. She said that perhaps I should speak to someone about it. Want to help me find a therapist?”

Now that she had something to do rather than just be a supportive friend, Steph leapt into action, grabbing my laptop and making me turn it on and we started searching. I told how the doctor said that the way the tories are attacking the NHS and gender services thanks to all the TERFs, if I can afford it I should see if I can go private. I then had to explain what a TERF is to her as somehow those nasty people had missed her radar, and she was so furious I think I loved her even more then.

Anyway, we found one and I was able to book an online appointment for Saturday morning, a good thing as I was going to be watching the Lionesses with Richard in the evening somewhere and I still needed to do some shopping for that.

Steph stayed and I cooked her some food, joking that my food won’t make her boobs bigger, but it was nice she was there and I wanted to thank her in some way. Which is why the next day at work, she got a call to head down to the front desk to pick up some flowers. She read the card once she was back at her desk, and of course the other women in the office wanted to know what it said and were telling her how lucky her boyfriend is, and I took the excuse to go and get myself a coffee. Once there I turned around and Steph looked up at me holding the card as the women walked away, mouthing ‘thank you Becca’. I blew her a kiss, and then quickly looked about as I remembered where I was, but I don’t think anyone saw me.

I was Becca in that moment.

When I got home I was glad a couple of things I had ordered from amazon had arrived, some of them for next week to help hide any unwanted nipple action, something for the Lionesses game, and a set of bralets. I wanted to be able to be comfortable when I was home, and the doctor did suggest I get something like it so that if I’m not wearing my forms I will get some support. But I was glueing them on for the weekend as I would need them for going out to watch the game, so it made sense to get started on now before I got a cab to Steph’s.

We weren’t going out, out, just out for a couple of drinks. I think she wanted to keep me distracted before my therapist appointment tomorrow, but that was going to be a remote one rather than needing to go there this time. They do offer both options, but as it was a Saturday I still needed to do things first. But tonight was to be a simple night out, not a busy bar so we weren’t hassled by drunk men, but we got enough looks from those there and I was used to it by now anyway.

The following morning I woke up later than I meant to and needed to go shopping, so once again I was in a hoody and it was busier in supermarket than I expected, so I needed to rush home to be ready for the call on Skype.

I was sitting there trying to get my hair looking a bit better, when my laptop started ringing and I turned and hit answer. And there was my new therapist, who once they confirmed it was me, we chatted about the process and what we both can expect from it. Fifty minutes later we were signing off, making me wonder why I paid for an hour, but saying that we would explore more about how I feel about the whole thing, and hopefully find out if I was a crossdresser (duh), trans or gender fluid.

I had a lot to think about that day, I mean, I had been looking for answers over the last six months plus, but still never found anything that I felt fitted me. She assured me that no matter what will we get the right answers, and that if needed, she will work with my doctor once the results have come back.

Anyway, with nothing else left to do for the day, I decided to make myself look pretty for the game tonight. Of course we talked about my crush on Rich, but it wasn’t connected to my current preference in clothing (her words), or at least she didn’t think so.

Still, it was on my mind that tonight I would be going to a pub with him and without Steph, and part of me couldn't help think this might have been her idea when she suggested we watch the game elsewhere. While I was in the bath relaxing, I wondered where we would go, or even if I should go there but I got a text from an unknown number asking to pick him up at half six. Followed by another text saying, ‘Steph told me to say it’s Rich btw’. I found myself smiling as I added the number to my contacts and started to send the thumbs up emoji, but then changed my mind. What would be the best one to send back, and instead sent an England flag, a football and a beer glass.

I laid back in the bath and smiled, slowly sinking in the water when it occurred to me I was going to be driving, not him. Bastard! I won’t be able to drink more than one!

Driving over there I felt a bit self conscious, I mean, he’s seen me in a short skirt before but I couldn’t remember if I had ever seen another woman watching the game dressed like this. Still, I sent a text when I arrived and he came out in an England shirt, so at least I wouldn't be the only one. He got in and the first thing he said is, “So where are we going?”

I looked at him and my mouth fell open, I can’t believe he expects me to organise this, and I got in a bit of a huff. We headed out to a bar that we knew showed the men’s game, and as soon as we got in he headed to the toilets and left me at the bar to order the drinks. I was definitely a bit miffed, I mean, ok, I might have built it up a bit in my head as being some kind of date, but still, he’s the man in this situation even we do have the same physiology.

I waited for him to come back, and he slowed down when he looked at me and I think for the first time it registered what I was wearing as he looked me up and down. I handed him the drink and then gave him some bad news.

“So yes, they are showing football tonight, but not the England game, just some boring men’s game.”

He looked at the screens, and for a second I think he was going to suggest staying to watch that instead, but I folded my arms in the universal sign language of a woman not impressed, and he got it. He suggested we finish this one, then try another bar. I put my unfinished drink on the bar and said, “Seeing that I’m driving, I’m ready.”

He looked at the bottle of beer in his hand, wondering what to do, and tried to drink it as quick as he could, but before he finished I walked to the door making him follow me.

The next bar wasn’t showing any football tonight, and now I wasn’t very happy at all, but he did buy me a drink and I made him get one of those alcoholic fruit drinks for me just to punish him. We sat down at a table and he apologised profusely.

I made him suffer for as long as I could, but then told him it was ok, it’s not his fault, neither of us checked where it was being shown, and I put my hand on his leg to reassure him. He did flinch a little, but didn’t try to move my hand away and I was near his knee, so it’s not like I was coming on to him. No mater what Steph said, he is my best friends boyfriend.

He took his phone out and said he would ask if we could watch it at his, but I stopped him. Steph really doesn’t like football and it’s unfair on her, so I said we can go back to mine and then he can get a taxi home. The drive back was a bit quiet, but I don’t think there was any frisson in the air, more that we were both aware it was near to kick off and we didn’t want to miss it.

After we parked, I pressed the button for the lift but it seemed to take forever and kick off was only minutes away. I turned to him and asked, “You can run up eight floor, right?” He nodded and I said follow me and started running. I ran to the door to the stairs and started running up with him close behind. I looked back at him and started to laugh, we looked ridiculous but he started laughing as well and we burst into my flat in a fit of giggles and breathing hard as I raced to turn the TV on and jumped onto the sofa together.

The game was great, I mean, they always are and keep getting better. This game they scored twice in the first half and finally I was able to run to toilet while he went to get a drink from my fridge. Sitting back down, he complained that all I had was wine and that feels weird for watching football, so he was stuck with a diet coke.

The second half started, and they scored again, the most incredible goal by Bronze, and we leapt to our feet to celebrate, jumping into each others arms and we kissed in the moment.

Yes, we kissed.

My mind was in turmoil, but it was no different to what was happening in the stands as the camera played around the crowds, no different to what happens when groups of men celebrate goals.

But we did kiss, and it was playing on my mind and I was trying to sneak looks at him, but I don’t think it made any difference to him at all, it was just a goal celebration. And then they scored again and once again we jumped up to celebrate and we hugged and we kissed again.

And now I’m confused, trying to watch the game and replaying the kisses in my head, working out where his hands were, where I placed mine and there is no doubt that I was the girl in the kiss. I tried to put it out of my mind, but then the other team scored and it got tense. I don’t know why, the Lionesses were already 4-1 up, but in football you never really know what might happen, especially when the losing the team is attacking all the time and getting shots on goal, and with Earps guarding the net, you know it’s going to be ok. But you worry, and then the final whistle blew and we leapt up again and hugged each other as we jumped and danced.

And we kissed again, a celebration kiss. And then we stood there holding each other, with me looking up into his eyes, and I leant in and tilted my head and he leant in and we kissed again. We had stopped jumping and dancing, and I opened my mouth slightly, and felt his tongue gently on my lips, so I played with it with my tongue. And then we kissed fully, passionately and with intent.

I could feel him reacting to the kiss as his erection pressed against me, So I put a stop to it, gently parting from him and resting my head on his chest.

“We can’t do this.” I said.

I felt him nod, but he still held me, and I could still feel him pressing against me. I desperately wanted to feel it, but I made a promise to myself I wouldn’t do anything to hurt Steph, and I also promised her I would tell her if something did happen, knowing that even if it did hurt her, I just couldn't look at myself in the mirror.

I slowly let go of him and stepped back, trying not to look down but also not able to stop myself. When I looked back up he was looking at me and smiling, and said, “You know, it was really brave of you to run up those stairs ahead of me in a thong.”

I laughed, and told him to calm down, I would drive him home. He kept saying it was ok, he would get a cab, but I said, “No, I promised Steph I would say if something happened, even though she said it was ok if it did.”

His eyes went wide at that, and I carried on, “Yes, she said that and she’s my best friend and even though she said I could, well, experiment shall we say, this is still all new to me and she’s been so great I need to be honest with her.”

I don’t think he felt the same way. He wasn’t embarrassed, more that he was worried about his relationship considering he kissed another woman. And it’s funny that even at this point I was thinking of myself as a woman when I’m Becca. Still, it was a very awkward drive to theirs, and when I walked in behind him, Steph was sitting there curled up with a glass of wine, she looked at me and what I was wearing and I have never felt so, well, slutty and ashamed of myself. Maybe I was trying to make something happen, but then I never expected us to be at mine and not in a pub where I don’t think we would have kissed.

She must have known something happened as a sly smile came over her face for a second then went blank again. I told her I had something to tell her as I promised I would, and explained that when the Lionesses scored and we celebrated we kissed.

She nodded but said nothing, and I felt even more sorry for Rich, I mean, yes, she had told me that so long as none of us gets hurt, but he wasn’t part of that agreement and kissing me might have destroyed what he has.

“How many times?”

I knew what she meant, so I told her three times, twice when they scored and then again when the game finished. She was silent.

“In celebration?”

He was quicker this time, saying yes, it was just a celebration kiss, but Steph looked at me and I knew I had to say it. “And then we kissed a bit more.”

I felt Rich move away from me, trying to get some distance and move closer to Steph, clearly feeling that he might not be out of the doghouse, but being further away from the where the problem is might be a good idea. But he stopped when Steph stood up, folder her arms and he knew he was in trouble.

“Show me.”

Rich started talking instantly trying to say sorry and it won’t happen again and how much he regrets it and it was the moment of celebration, but she held up her hand to stop him talking and repeated ‘show me.’

He was in trouble now, but I looked at Steph and for a second I saw a glint in her eye, a really subtle blink and you’ll miss it nod telling me at least it was ok. I looked at Rich and said, “Look, we’ve done it once, we can do it again and I want to be honest about this and it’s only fair.”

He tried to say no, he wouldn't do that to her but she just looked at him with a blank face and I grabbed him, put my arms up over his shoulders and pulled his head down and kissed him on the lips. I said, “That’s what the first kiss was like.”

I repeated the kiss and this time I felt him do the same, clearly trying to show her it was just an in the moment thing when they scored. And I told her that was the second kiss. This time he moved with me and repeated the celebration kiss, but I held him closer as I said to Steph, “And that’s how the third kiss started.”

And I pulled him towards me, I was kissing him and slowly, he started to join in with the kiss, sensing he had no choice at this moment and we kissed if not with passion, at least acting out the passion we showed each other earlier. I didn’t feel anything pressing against me, so I pressed myself against it, trying to get a reaction from it and maybe being a little pornographic about it, but we stopped kissing and I laid my head on his chest again.

“And this is when I said we needed to stop.”

I looked across at Steph and could feel the tension in Rich, scared about losing the woman he loves for a silly moment.

Steph said, “I’ll allow it.”

I felt his head snap around to look at her and I felt something of his move again.

I kept contact with it, it felt nice.

A Needed Change - Part Four

After demonstrating ‘the kiss’ to Steph, I hung around for a bit, chatting to her mostly while Rich just channel surfed, but we ended up painting each others nails with a nude polish and I absolutely loved it. It seemed to make my fingers look longer and I ended up staying the night, sleeping on a futon in a borrowed tee shirt and shorts.

It was a bit embarrassing in the morning as I woke up before them both and went to get a glass of water before going back to the spare room, sitting there scrolling through my phone until I heard voices. I was about to go outside when there was a gentle knock on the door and Rich opened it asking if I was decent. Of course I was, and he popped his head around the door and asked if I wanted coffee and breakfast and his eyes flicked down my body, stopping at a certain place.

“It’s the shorts, don’t worry.”

“Oh, no, I mean, that’s not what I’m looking at. I… Just come along when you’re ready.”

He closed the door and I stood up to check myself, and yes, I was still decent and my tuck was still secure so it really was the shorts and now it was back to the right amount of smoothness as I was standing. Anyway, I joined them in the kitchen and talked about the day ahead, and seeing that I was taking up time they could be spending together, I told them I was going to head home soon. I still needed to do housework and washing, and that’s what I did, but before I got changed Rich did at least look at me again and confirm it was just the shorts and nothing else.

The rest of the day I really did catch up on housework and all those dull things, but unlike before I decided to keep the skirt on that I wore out, but with the white bralet as I needed to remove my boobs anyway. It was exceptionally comfortable and I found myself wondering if it was a better choice than the sports vest I was going to wear to work tomorrow. But looking at myself in the mirror, the padding in it made my little boobs stand out a bit more than I would have liked, so maybe not. But I did think I looked cute.

Once everything was done and I settled down with some hot chocolate, I caught sight of my nails and wondered if I should remove the polish tonight, but I also couldn't be bothered to get up and deal with it, so added it to my list of things to do in the morning. I went into my bedroom, stripped off Becca, and closed the door till, well, I was going to say next weekend, but I did pause to look back hoping to open the door much sooner.

In the morning I got ready for work and in the shower I noticed my nails but decided to go with it and if anyone noticed, which I doubted as they were nude, I would just say I was at Steph’s and she did it. Thankfully she had kept the colour as well and no one said anything, or so I thought at least. Of course, a couple of the girls at work noticed but as Steph was wearing the same they asked her and she just brushed it off.

In the afternoon I got an unknown caller and when I answered they just said, “Is that B Stevens?” I was instantly on my guard but the world came crashing back down when they said the doctor would like to see me to go over my results. All my happy thoughts from the weekend seemed to fade away, as let’s face it, when the doctor wants to discuss your results it can’t be all good news. They fitted me in after work and although I wore a pink bralet with just jeans and tee shirt, I didn’t feel the most confident anymore.

But it wasn’t all bad, and the next day I gave Steph a lift home from work and told her all about it. I wanted to tell her sooner but I think I was just so relieved last night I wanted to relax, and there was no way I would discuss it in the office. I said, “Remember when I said I had to do that erection test?” She nodded. “Well, I haven’t had any while I sleep. And I got my doctors results yesterday after work.”

She took hold of my hand as I drove. I said, “It’s ok, it’s not bad, at least she doesn’t think so but I do have to see a specialist just to confirm the results. Anyway, I have quite low testosterone for a man, but at what would be called a mid to high level for a woman. I also have what would be low levels of oestrogen for a woman, but high for a man. And she thinks that’s why I look the way I do, and why that although I can get erections when I want them, I don’t get them any other time. Also, why I have little boobs.”

Steph said nothing, so I carried on, “That’s why I need to see the specialist, just to make sure there’s nothing wrong, and also talk about my options going forward. Oh, and you will love this, she thinks I should go and get a proper bra fitting to find out my size. She thinks I might be slightly bigger than a triple A and more like an A cup.”

After a short silence, she said, “What are you going to do?”

“Well, it’s going to get warm soon, so I will need to go shopping for some summer dresses, I was thinking tomorrow, are you free?”

She slapped my arm, telling me that I knew what she meant, but yes, of course she’s free for shopping, and we talked about my complete lack of summer clothes and the urgent need for at least five to get started. She added, “But what will you do about, well, your boobs?”

I took her hand and put it on one of them, asking if she thinks this will work for work and she told me there was a lot less bounce from them. But that evening at home, I did find myself looking at my boobs and wondering what I wanted to do. The doctor said I had a couple of options, and one of them meant that being able to be Becca would be gone for good, and the other just didn’t appeal to me. I mean, they might be small, but I really do like them, and although I haven’t had a girlfriend in a while, I can still use the bit I keep hiding when I want to, I just haven’t had the desire to use it recently. Unless you include the times I’ve been using my two silicone purchases, but that’s a different way to experience an erection.

Anyway, work the next day was the same as always, but Steph came straight back to mine and had left a small bag in my car so that she could change at mine. As it was a warm day, I needed to wear something a bit lighter than most of my wardrobe, and when she saw my limited choice of summer dresses, she hugged me and said, “Thank you for asking me to help today, I had no idea how urgent your need is.”

I pushed her back on the bed and told her I’m not that desperate to need her help shopping, I need her help to carry the bags!

Anyway, during the trip down to the garage I felt really exposed, and I hadn’t planned on glueing on the forms tonight, but as she pointed out, with this dress I have little choice as I needed to fill it out a bit. But with bare shoulders, arms and upper back, I felt, I don’t know if exposed is the right word, but it’s in the right area. Having my legs on show is nothing, I’ve worn shorts lots of times, but this almost felt like I was topless.

Still, shopping is always fun and I managed to pick up a few dresses, but couldn't get sized for a bra fitting thanks to the forms, but was determined to get that done tomorrow. But for now, sitting outside a restaurant with Steph and having a light meal I don’t mind saying that I was enjoying myself.

“Do you think I’m going too fast?”

She looked at me and sat back to think over her answer, “No, I don’t. I think this is how I’ve always seen you, and I was worried I might have been pushing you into it doing more than you wanted to, but seeing you here right now, I find it hard to think of you any other way. You look happier than I’ve ever seen, you look like you fit your skin now, and this is the you I’ve think you’ve always been.”

She paused to take a drink, adding, “Is that what you wanted to hear, or do you think you are rushing into this?”

I had to admit, it’s taken a while to get here and with what my sister told me, it’s not like this hasn’t always been part of me in some form, and Steph did say that she and others once thought I was just a tomboy or something, but maybe I am rushing too much. I said, “Sometimes, I feel like I’ve just fallen into it so easily. And I’m really surprised that I took so long to step outside. Maybe I should have spoken to someone sooner about it all. But I do feel a lot happier, I will admit that.”

She held my hand and said, “Just a shame you’re so ugly.”

I poked my tongue at her.

“Oh, that reminds me, I’m going to see the therapist on Friday after work, can I borrow this?”

I waggled my fingers at her, and she said, “No, we can go and buy your own seeing that you love it so much.”

So after eating, we went and picked up some nude nail polish and some new makeup pallets. As I was testing the colours, I thought to myself that I am definitely falling more into this, but there’s still the question about the sudden attraction to men, and even sitting here, both of us looking at some of the guys, enjoying the attention from them and maybe that’s the bit that’s I’m finding harder to get over. Still, plenty to talk about with the therapist on Friday.

On Thursday no one spotted my nails, so I refreshed them that night and on Friday still no one seemed to notice, and I took an early finish so I could go and get ready for the therapist appointment. I very much wanted to look feminine for this after going for a more androgynous look for the online meeting, but didn't have time to glue my forms on, so just went with a bralet under my jumper as I thought it went well with the skirt and boots.

I think I am getting better at matching clothes, but meeting someone who I’m literally paying to examine me by observation made me feel a bit nervous. But the session went very well and she’s had the report from my doctor and they’ve spoken about my hormonal results, but as always, you never really know as you sit there and talk.

I was hoping she would have some instant answers, but of course no, and I think I was a little annoyed there was no couch to lay on as I had practiced how to do that, but you can’t have everything.
One thing that did surprise me is I didn’t cry at any point, even talking about my fears with this, which seem to be focused more around the risk to my job and how I might hurt Steph, but the therapist kept saying I need to think about myself first. And so far, everything that I’ve told her are the things that are making me happy.

Once it finished I went to Victoria’s Secret's as I wanted to get a bra that fits me. I had to google what happens during one as I desperately didn’t want to look like I’ve never had a fitting before, and being half naked in a changing room with a woman was if not a new experience, a least not a sexual one. But long story short, I left there with ten bra’s, all with just a little padding to give me a bit of a lift, and yes, I am officially an A cup. Walking out I felt very perky, but I politely refrained from the offer of wearing the new undies to go with it, but I was looking forward to trying out the stockings and suspenders later.

Of course I wore them that evening, and it was all I wore even though I wasn't going out. Yes, I felt great, yes I ended up using a toy and the next day my legs were aching from riding it, but it was totally worth it. Whatever it was about the lingerie, it did more more than turn me on quite a lot. For a start, my unsightly but very wanted erection meant I needed to wash everything I was wearing. There was one thing I did when it got dark I just had to stand on my balcony in the lingerie set with my glass of wine. I know someone in a building opposite saw me, but they were far enough away for me not to worry about, well, the stains on my stockings, but I did enjoy standing with my back to them, knowing they were looking at my bum in a thong; I definitely waved it a bit for them. I don’t even know if it was a man or woman watching me, I just wanted to enjoy it, being seen.

The following day was a Saturday and I was meeting Steph to go shopping of course. She thought it was for a bra fitting, but I wanted to surprise her and wearing a new set of VS under my pink jumper dress made me feel, well, overconfident I think. The whole day I was strutting a bit, and Steph had to get changed before we left hers as she thought I was a little over dressed, but I was very much in the pink today and enjoying it.

Of course she suggested going to where her mum took her for her first fitting, but I pretended to be a bit embarrassed and asked her to do it for me instead. Armed with a handful of bras, we went into a cubicle and I took my dress off over my head, and she was looking at me in VS and a smile.

Her eyebrows hit the ceiling and she smacked me on the bum, telling me off for not including her, so we abandoned Marks and Spencers and went off to look at loads of clothes and shoes we had no intention of buying.

I love shopping!

When we stopped for lunch, I updated her on what the therapist had said about it being too early to be able tell where I am on the spectrum of being a crossdresser, trans or maybe gender fluid.

“There was one thing she was very clear about though. I’m not hurting anyone and I’m enjoying it, so there’s no reason to feel bad about it.”

Steph said, “You are enjoying it, and I love that I get to enjoy it with you, you look so natural. But what about the other thing though?”

I must have looked confused, so she said, “You know, men.”

“Oh, that, well, we haven’t talked about that side yet but she knows I have a new interest in them. She said maybe it’s like what you said, I’m just experimenting with this and maybe I’m mentally experimenting with my sexuality, and she said I might be trying to follow the social norms of femininity, so she wants to wait and find out more about one thing, before we delve deeper into it.”

Steph took a drink, and asked me if that means I’m going to put a hold on any opportunities that might arrive, if for example I hook up with a guy when we go out tonight. I said, “You know, I asked her that, should I refrain for it, but she said there was no obvious reason not to, so long as I feel comfortable and safe about it.”

Steph took a drink and said, “Well, shall we try and get you laid tonight then.”

She timed it perfectly, I had just taken a sip and it shot out of my nose!

I didn’t hook up with a guy, and we did go out that evening but it was just a few drinks and a laugh in a load of bars. Yes, I did flirt when I was chatted up, but I didn't get a single kiss on the cheek or give one either. It was just two girls out for some safe fun. I did ask Steph if spending so much time with me was taking her away from her friends, but she told me not to worry. “I’ve told them I’m spending time with a friend from work who needs me right now. But you will meet them when I think you’re ready, and then you had better hold on to your panties for a proper girls night, as I guarantee if we don’t get in a lot of trouble, we will make sure someone does!”

That really does sound like a lot of fun.

One thing that was kinda funny, when we got a cab to go home, I made sure she was dropped off first as I was a bit concerned about the driver and the way he kept checking us out. I didn’t want to leave her with him. Sure, if he attacked me there wasn’t much I could do in these heels if I needed to run, but maybe it was some lingering masculinity making me need to do it, but there weren’t any problems thankfully.

I woke up late on Sunday and only had to do some of the usual housework, but in the afternoon when I was trying to build up a little enthusiasm to empty the dishwasher, I got a text from Steph saying she was going to pop round if I was in. And that got me up and moving once again, doing the last bits I needed to sort while I waited for the buzzer, trying to work out the best time to put the kettle on and time it perfectly. In the end, I jumped the gun and started before she hit the buzzer, but when she stepped into my flat, I was standing there holding a ready made cup of tea for her.

“Ah, you read my mind!”

Taking the cup from me we walked into the living room, taking a seat. I thought she was just passing and dropped in for a cuppa, and while we chatted away about this and that, I got the idea there was something on her mind and it was probably about me. I didn’t want to push her, but I did hope she thought I might be ready to meet her friends and she wanted to talk about what we would tell them about me. Turns out I was quite wrong about everything. She said, “Did I ever tell you how I lost my virginity?”

I shook my head, wondering where this might be going, and she carried on. “Ok, well, I used to be a little, well, no. I wasn’t over weight, but I carried my baby fat for a while and had braces. So, that meant I didn’t have a boyfriend when all my friends were getting them and started having sex. Can you believe I actually sprained my wrist! And do you know how horrible it is admitting to the doctor how it happened and for them to say you’ve been masturbating too much?”

She paused to take a sip of tea, but other than giving her hand a squeeze, I said nothing. It felt like to me she needed to say these things as I had confessed so much to her and she was telling me things in return, almost as if she was trying to generate some extra levels of trust in me. But I didn’t understand why, it’s not like I’m going to share any of this even if she did share my secret with others.

“So, I was a bit frustrated, and I told a friend about it. Not about how I wanted a boyfriend, everyone knew that, but about how I was, well, horny as fuck! I mean, I was a teenager, you know what’s that like. But she was worried I might do something stupid in trying to get laid. There was a creepy guy who worked in this shop we used to go in all the time, always extra friendly with all the girls, and she wanted me to be safe.

She gave me a slightly embarrassed look, “Only three people know this, four now with you, but she lent me her boyfriend. I don’t know how he really felt about it, I didn’t care to be honest, but I got laid and I guess he was happy to be given a free pass. I won’t say it was a great experience for me. I was a teenager and had no idea what I liked and he didn’t really know what he was doing either. He got the job done for himself of course, but for me I had finally done it and was able to avoid making a terrible mistake.”

She took hold of my hand now, and I had no idea what mistake she thought I might make. “I saw a bit of that look on you face last night looking at a couple of guys, you were wondering what it would feel like to be with them that way, and I understand, I really do. So I have a proposal.”

I was hoping she wasn’t going to say it, but she did, “So I’m going to pass it on.”

My face must have been a picture as her face instantly understood where I was going, I mean yes, we had talked about my crush on her boyfriend, but I had no intention of going there. She’s my friend!

She jumped in quickly, “No, no, no, I don’t mean like that. What I mean is I think you need to try some dates with someone you can trust. I know you have a little crush on him so it should be a bit easier for you - I had no interest in my first guy, and I think that ruined it really - but this way you get to test the dating waters safely.”

I had no idea what to say and was trying to think it over. I mean, we had kissed, I had pressed against his erection at the time, but dating my best friends boyfriend?

“All I’m talking about is going to the cinema, the pub, maybe a restaurant for birthdays, or just for a meal. That kind of thing. It’s a safe way to see how you really feel about men, and you can have a Friday night date each week with him.”

I said, “This is a lot to take in, and I’m not saying yes, but what if someone sees us and thinks he’s cheating on you? I would hate to cause either of you problems.”

She told me to stop worrying, if anyone sees you both, you can both be honest and you are both of our friends, so there’s no secret to worry about. I was about to say something, but she beat me to it. “And you’ve both already kissed, so unless they see you both doing that in public, I don’t really see a problem here. You need this, I’m worried about you getting hurt if some of those urges take control, and at least with Rich he will look after you if you do kiss.”

I sat there quietly thinking about it, I mean, yes, I’ve dreamt about this over the last few months and my little crush on him will allow me to be a little more touchy with someone who knows all about me. All those guys, well, those couple of guys I’ve flirted with, although they were touching my arms or occasionally the small of my back, I hadn’t really touched them the same way. I was about to ask Steph a question, but she told me that she’s already discussed it with him and he’s ok with it, he understand the boundaries of the date nights, and I can think about it and tell her later this week.

I was about to say something, but she stopped me, saying I must think about it, but I giggled and said that’s what I was going to say.

After that we just chatted about things, ok, we chatted about fashion and reality TV, but I refused to get dragged into watching any soaps. But all the time I had the thought of a Friday night date percolating in my brain, weighing up the pros and cons to try and help to make a decision and it still not being any clearer to me.

Steph needed to go home as Rich was cooking a meal for her, and as I walked her to the door I asked her once again if she really wanted to do this for me. It seems like such a big thing to do, and that I’ve been thinking about if I should do it or not ever since she made the offer. She looked at me with a shit eating grin and said, “I will tell him to pick you up at seven on Friday.”

A Needed Change - Part Five

It was Thursday after work and I was on my way round to see Steph. I think she wanted an update on my Friday night dates with her boyfriend, and I wasn’t even slightly worried about anything. Yes, we did kiss that night the Lionesses won, but since then all we’ve done is some occasional hand holding and some kisses on the cheek, nothing special. The first date night we went out to the cinema then a couple of drinks and chat afterwards; like I said, nothing special. Since then we’ve pretty much done the same unless there was nothing of interest to watch at the cinema.

It’s been nice to spend time with him, and she was right, I did need to explore that side of me in a safe way, it’s fun to flirt with men when I’m out with Steph, but interacting with a man like this was a bit new and an easy way to find out what I like. I mean, yes, last week when I got home I need to release some stress and my toys were definitely helping with that, and I do think of Rich sometimes when I’m using them. But other faces had started to become part of the rota of imaginary male partners now. There was an Italian man I followed on insta who seemed to be a new part of that, but he hasn’t followed me back yet. I did look at some of the photos I was sent on there, but they had just too much overweight belly on show in the dick pics for most of them to help satisfy me.

Anyway, I was on my way to hers and in a simple black dress as it was a nice enough evening and she let me in. Turns out I didn’t need to update her on my progress. We had never spoken about it with each other, I mean, he is her boyfriend on loan, but he had told her everything that happens on our dates, and she got right to the point.

“So, how come you’ve been acting like a maiden aunt when you’ve got a free pass?”

That wasn't what I expected her to say. “Wait, were you serious?”

She nodded, and we talked a bit more about it, how I was thinking that what I’ve been doing was just a way for me to learn more. Even my therapist thought it was good idea, but while I had discussed some of my desires with them and how I should consider doing something about it, I’m not sure if I want to risk their relationship that way.

Steph said, “Oh get over yourself! We’re both ok with it, both understand the risks and you’ve given him enough erections that you may as well do something with them.”

Of course I had noticed, I had enjoyed how they felt when we hugged and it touched me, but taking the next step? That night I struggled to get to sleep and the next day at work I whispered to Steph that I would think about what she said, see what happens that night.

I think before he came round I decided what I would do as every other time we had gone out I hadn’t dressed down so much, but I had dressed casually. Today as I was picking out what I wanted to wear I didn't pick anything like that and went for a black strappy dress with an a line skirt, not a mini dress, but a short one for sure. I hadn’t bothered with my breast forms last night, but I did spend time glueing them on now and blending the edges, and I think I was trying to appeal to him. There was a lot going through my mind, or at least a lot going through the back of my mind, while I focused on how I looked and kept touching up my makeup, how I was dressed and tidying up the flat, trying to keep myself busy.

The door buzzer sounded and I went to let him into the building, but stopped, making him wait. I tried to last at least a minute, but I know I caved in way before that. But I didn’t open the door to my flat for him, I was going to make him wait for that while I checked myself once again in the mirror, fluffing my hair up a bit with my hands. When he did knock the door, I walked over and opened it, letting him see me.

I was a bit disappointed at what he was wearing, jeans, tee shirt and scruffy trainers. I looked him in the eye, and he said, “Wow, you look great.”

Well, he got a little bit of forgiveness for that.

He explained he thought we would be doing the same as last time, and he suggested he could get changed to make the night a bit more special. I told him it was fine, we could get a takeaway and watch something here on Netflix.

A sly smile came across his face and he said, “And chill?”

“Don’t get your hopes up and order some food.”

I spun on my heel and walked away, but could see his reflection checking me out, so I gave my hips a bit more movement, deciding to keep the teasing going a bit longer as I stood in the kitchen and said, “Is a cup of tea ok?”

He confirmed it was, and I got the sense from him he knew I was a little miffed he wasn’t dressed nice. It is technically our fourth date, so there’s a lot of conventions we should have been following. But here we are having a cup of tea with me dressed up and him looking like he was ready for a night out with his mates.

Still, I knew exactly what I was going to make him watch, even if I did think it was a rubbish film. So half an hour later after finishing our takeaway and tea, I picked the film and I felt him get ready for an argument, but raised eyebrow and glanced at what he was wearing was enough to get my way. I did pour us both a glass of wine and we sat of the sofa next to each other, me with my legs underneath me and I hit play on Fifty Shades of Grey.

It is a rubbish film, the story is crap and according to my ex girlfriend it’s quite vanilla really, just gentle fantasy stuff, but perfect for tonight and my subconscious mind made itself more known to me.

I was ready.

I waited until a moment in the film when I thought he was likely to be reacting down there, and asked him to fill up my glass with a teasing smile. He gave me a look and it was clear he was reacting to the film, but he got up and went and got me some wine. Coming back, his erection was front and centre, and I expected him to either try to hide it, or at least make himself a bit more comfortable with it. He handed me my glass and went to sit down, and I could see he needed to make an adjustment but looked embarrassed about it, so I said, “Go on, I don’t mind.”

He stuck his hands down his jeans, moved the bulge then sat down. I said, “Do you mind if I get more comfortable as well?”

But without waiting for an answer, I snuggled up to him, leaning on his shoulder and he put his arm around me.

It was nice.

I sat there watching the film, but my eyes were also flicking down to his erection, wondering if I should or I shouldn’t. I looked up at him and he was watching me look, and we kissed, gently. It felt natural and the right thing to do, sitting here with my date, his arm around me, watching a slightly smutty film, stroking my arm and shoulders while I stroked his chest, feeling and listening to his heart, wondering if he could hear my own as I could feel it thumping in my chest.

Of course I did!

As our kissing got more intense, I ran my hand down across his stomach, I needed to feel it. I think I knew when I got ready, how Steph reassured me this was ok, that this would happen, but slowly and gently I rested my hand on the bulge in his jeans, running my fingers over it lightly as I traced the shaped, knowing from the pressure of his kiss that he liked it. My thumb touched the buttons on his fly and I wondered if I should or not, but he lifted his hips, just a little to try and increase the pressure of my fingers. I broke the kiss and we opened our eyes to look at each other as I took hold of a button pushing a finger between the gap, reaching for him with a single finger, giving him a chance to call a stop if he wanted to, but he pressed his lips against me again and we carried on kissing.

I tried to undo a button one handed, but it was tough, so I just popped the top button on his jeans and then each button after that was easy. I slipped my hand in and felt him through his boxers and he moaned lightly into my mouth. I could feel more of him now, start to feel the shape of it, the heat of it and how it seemed to have a life of its own as it moved with his heart beat. I put my hand in his boxers and now I was holding him, and yes, it didn’t just feel nice, it felt amazing.

I wrapped my hand around it, and begun stroking him gently, slowly, feeling how he reacted to my touch, learning what he liked as I begun to increase the speed of my strokes. I was enjoying it and in the moment, but a part of me was monitoring not how I felt - I was loving every second of holding him - I was monitoring how he was reacting to me, learning how to be better, how to get him off.

Plus I really wanted to know he was enjoying it. He seemed to be liking it, and his breathing started to speed up so I increased my pace, thankful my hand or arm wasn’t aching from my efforts. And then I wondered what my next steps were going to be. He was about to cum and I wanted to see it, so I broke the kiss and looked down. His breathing got sharper and I watched with interest now, wanting to see it happen. He grabbed his tee shirt to pull it up, not wanting to get any cum on it, but it was too late. I stopped pumping the moment I saw his balls lift and his stomach tense as the first spurt shot out, holding him tight and feeling him swell and twitch.

My first thought was, ‘I need to get some tissues’, followed instantly by, ‘there was another option.’ But I don’t think I was ready for that, I wanted to, but right now I was enjoying stoking him gently and using my thumb on the tip of his cock, rubbing the last drips I was squeezing out across it. I looked at the slippery mess on his chest, stomach, and the few drops on his tee shirt.

He leant towards me and we kissed while I kept playing with his slowly deflating cock, and then he said, “Thank you. I’ve been waiting weeks for that.”

I kissed him again.

Saturday morning I woke to a text from Steph saying ‘Finally!’, followed by another asking me if I wanted to go shopping and then grab some lunch. I didn’t need to be asked twice. We met at the cafe in park for brunch, a girl needs fuel to look in the shops, and as it was a lovely day I put on one of my white short summer dresses. Of course, the moment she saw me she pulled me into a hug and said I needed to tell her all about last night, and she wondered why I didn’t take full advantage and do the very thing I once confessed to her I wanted to do.

I did admit to having a taste of what landed on my hand, just to see what it was like, and she screwed up her face, telling me how much she hates it. I said, “Really? I kinda liked it to be honest. It’s not like eating a strawberry, but it’s nice.”

She really didn’t believe me but previous research online had told me that either not everyone has a nice flavour, or that not every woman enjoys the flavour. Still, I liked it, even if it was only a drop, ok, a few drops of it.

We carried on looking in the shops and I found myself buying some new lingerie for no other reason than I wanted it, and we went back to hers for a break before deciding what we wanted to do that night. We ended up going to the cinema and bumping into Rich in a bar with a couple of his friends, sharing a drink with them for before they went one way and we went the other. One thing that made me happy here is they treated like a woman, trying to flirt with me, asking if I was seeing anyone and despite blushing, accepting my insistence that I wasn’t interested in dating anyone right now.

Steph was very happy with that, as it told her that Rich had kept his promise to keep my secret even if I did say that for all she knows they might be chasers or trying to tick a ‘curiosity’ box. Still, we sat there drinking some wine and at about half eleven Rich came home, gave Steph a kiss, and then gave me a kiss as well. I shared a look with Steph and she said to him, “By the way, did you ever tell them the truth about Becca?”

He shook his head, then looked at me and said, “I promise I wouldn’t do that to you.” Quickly adding, “I’m not embarrassed about you or what happened yesterday, but it’s your choice who you tell, not mine.”

Steph looked at me, saying ‘I told you so’ with her eyes, then added. “Well, in that case, I need to keep my promise.”

We both looked at her confused, wondering what she was on about, and she said, “Don’t you remember, I said if you kept Becca’s secret you would get a blow job.”

A very smug and satisfied smile crossed his face and he told her he was now looking forward to going to bed later.

Steph said, “I never said I would give you the blow job.”

And she looked at me saying, “You said you wanted to; here’s your chance.”

I was trying to say no, saying that now wasn't the time and even Rich was saying let it happen when I was ready, but she said, “Oh for gods sake, she’s ready and gagging for it. All three of us know it, know how much she wants it, how much you want it.” And she turned to face me, taking my hands, saying, “I know how much you want to, I saw you pick up some more lube again this week. If you tell me you don’t want this I will never mention it again. But I think you do.”

I was embarrassed, felt red all over, but I knew she was right. I wanted this and I’ve had just the right amount of alcohol to be completely in control of my choices, but my inhibitions have been weakened. I nodded and she squealed in delight, making me giggle. She let go of my hands, grabbed her boyfriend and told him to sit right there, turned back to me and said, “Treat him great.”

And then she sat down, looking at me and I realised she was going nowhere and she wanted me to do it right here. “Wait, here and now?”

She nodded and I looked at Rich, and he looked both nervous and excited at the same time, I guess I did as well but I never expected her to sit there and watch. I asked her if she really wanted to watch this, but she said again that yes, it might be me doing it, but it was her boyfriend so she felt it was only fair as she was lending him to me. I moved towards him, kneeling down between his legs.

He went to undo his jeans, but Steph stopped him and said, “She’s the one that wants this, she has to do all the work.”

I undid the buttons, and started to open them up, reaching in and taking out his quite impressive cock, about eight inches long, a nice thickness but not painfully girthy, but very pleasant to look at and very nice to hold. I started to stroke him and looked across at Steph who gave me a thumbs up. It was clear that the jeans weren’t low enough, so I pulled off his shoes and started to lower the jeans, pulling his boxers down with them. I thought to myself that last night when I gave him a handjob, I didn’t need to do this, but now, kneeling here, I needed a better angle to make sure we both enjoyed it.

Once the jeans were out of the way, with a quick glance to Steph to confirm permission as I grabbed his erection, I asked again if this was ok and she told me if I didn't hurry up it will go off in my hand again. I was too nervous to giggle as I shuffled closer, getting my face closer to it and getting a proper look now, something I never got to enjoy last night. I stroked him slowly, played with his balls and just looked and watched as a bit of precum appeared at the tip. I leant forward, put my tongue out and touched the tip, licking it up and thinking that it was a nice taste, I could get used to this. I glanced up and looked at Rich and we looked into each others eyes. I licked the tip again, running my tongue around the head of his cock, getting a bigger flavour of him.

I completely forget about Steph as I licked him from the bottom to the top, and opened my mouth and engulfed him. There, I’m finally sucking a cock, teasing him with my tongue as I sucked, making him moan in appreciation. I came up for some air and started licking him again, I wanted to make him as wet as I possible as I needed to try it as soon as I could, opening my mouth and taking him in, resting him at the back of my mouth, bobbing up and down but not going any deeper while I enjoyed the feel of him filling my mouth.

I was running my tongue around the head, looking up at him and into his eyes waiting for him to open them and look at me and he did and smiled at me kneeling there with his cock in my mouth. Keeping eye contact, I went down and kept going, feeling him in the back of my mouth, going past that and he started to moan again, then I kept going down taking him all the way, still looking him in the eye as he filled my throat as I stuck my tongue out and licked his balls.

My personal record is 38 second of full deep throat, but what happened next surprised me.

When I was learning how to do this, I trained myself to go a bit deeper each day and hold it there, but once the dildo passed my throat barrier there was no point waiting any longer and I just pushed down on it. My plan then was to stick my tongue out to lick the balls of the dildo, but I never got that far. The moment my lips hit the balls of the silicone cock I came. It never happened again, no matter how much I love throating it, but this time, with a real one I came in my thong again.

And I wasn’t the only one cumming this time.

The moment he started to make my throat bulge, I felt him swell and cross the edge, twitching in my throat as he came, both of us looking into each others eyes. I held him there till he finished and I loved it, it just felt amazing to be connected in such an intimate way as we both orgasmed. I never noticed it, but of course I was having throat spasms when I took him in, and he later told me that it was so unexpected and felt so amazing he couldn't hold back. But right then we were both quite enjoying the moment post orgasm as I went slowly up and down on him, taking him all the way in and all the way out, looking in his eyes.

I lifted off him completely and held it, and Steph noticed that he was now only semi erect and she said, “Oh my god! You came from a blow job in her throat!” I looked at her and was about to say sorry, but she slapped my bum and said, “Way to go girl! I can’t believe how much your throat swelled. I could even see it moving as he came.” Then she looked back to him and said, “Don’t get your hopes up, I still don’t like doing it.”

I giggled, but still hadn’t let go of his cock, and I was a little bit upset. Not because of what I did - I was glad I had finally done it and confirmed that I did like doing it - and not because I had swallowed his cum, I wanted to do that as well. No, I was a little upset as I wanted to feel it happen in my mouth and now I wondered if I would ever be able to stop him trying to cum down my throat if we ever do it again.

Four weeks later I thought back to that night, and nothing had changed because of it. I was still great friends with Steph, I still had my Friday night date night, but now oral became part of the routine, usually at least twice and my skills were getting much better, although my record remained at 38 seconds and I got to enjoy it happening in my mouth as well. I still love it, still enjoy it and now, here at a music festival with Steph I felt even more feminine than before. My therapist was happy for me, but also telling me I should get myself a boyfriend of my own, one that I can be honest with and maybe start thinking about what I want to do in the future.

Anyway, we only had a Saturday ticket for the festival and as it was fairly local, we went back to mine after and she stayed the night, sharing a bed again, chatting away till the early hours. One thing she did ask me is why I had never invited Rich into here, after all, I had the opportunity and it’s not like we hadn’t talked about me riding the dildo while looking at his insta.

“I’m not sure to be honest. I know you said I could, but he is your boyfriend and I don’t want him too think he’s cheating on you.”

“Oh please, he knows what the boundaries are and you are still a very long way within them.”

“But he’s never made a move on me like that, how do I know he wants to?” I asked her.

She thought about it for a minute and and asked if she could borrow a swimsuit if I promised to glue my forms on tomorrow. I had no idea what she was on about, but said yes anyway.

I woke up to an empty bed and Steph was in one of my blue swimsuits sorting out a coffee for me, told me to have a shower and get cleaned up, glue my tits on as Rich will be here in an hour and we were going to make use of my communal garden today. Once we had eaten, we went into my bedroom and she went right to the yellow bikini I brought in a fit of confidence I wasn’t feeling today. I tried to complain, but she was insistent that I should, I could wear a robe for now, but I was going to sunbathe in a bikini with her and her boyfriend.

When he arrived he had an icebox full of soft drinks, and wearing a bathrobe we headed for the garden. I didn’t have Steph’s confidence in just wearing the swimsuit and not worrying about people looking at her. There wasn’t anyone to look at us but I kept the robe on anyway. The garden is nearly always empty, but I did guide us to a more sheltered area as I didn’t want all my neighbours looking out the window at us.

I took of the robe and sat down, catching Rich looking at me and Steph smiling at him while he tried to sneak a look. I settled down after a few minutes, no longer feeling like I was naked in public, but every so often feeling conscious of someone in the flats when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, but I did mostly feel quite comfortable sitting there talking to my friends as we relaxed and caught some sun.

And then Steph told me to put my drink down for a second and I put it on the ground between my feet and looked up. My legs were wide open and Rich was looking at me, or more accurately, he was looking down there, and I liked him looking and bloody hell! Steph was right, yes I do want this and seeing him looking at me I knew he did as well.

I really should be angry with her, but I understood what she did to me today. She forced me to accept that I not only do I want to get laid, so does he.

I closed my legs and crossed them, and other than seeing him look at me and make no attempt to hide the erection in his shorts, I thought it would be fun to tease him a bit. I said, “I’m sorry about that, such a shame it’s not a Friday or I could deal with it. But rules are rules.”

And me and Steph fell about laughing at his pain, and she told him not to worry she will take care of everything for him tonight. Early evening it was time for them to go home, so Steph sent Rich away to put everything back in the car, and we headed up so she could get changed to go home. I asked her to help me removed the breast forms and she said, “Can I ask you something?” I nodded. “Your breast forms look huge now, did you get a new pair?”

“No, these are the same ones.” I told her, and the first one came away in her hand. She stood there looking at one of my boobs with a querying look on her face, and then helped with the second.

She said, “I think you need to get a bra fitting again as I think they are bigger.”

And that led to us sizing up and feeling my boobs, looking at them in the mirror trying to work out what was going on, which is how Rich found us, with two lumps of silicone on the bed, us facing the mirror and Steph cupping one of my tits. She told him not to get excited as I covered up.

He definitely saw at least one of them, and Steph told me the next day she was sorry, she had no idea he was coming back up, but they did it four times last night, so me in a bikini with his girlfriend holding one of my tits and seeing the other one, well, the poor boy got over excited.

On Friday as we were leaving work, she said to me, “Oh, don’t send him home until tomorrow morning, I want to have a quiet night at home, so he can stay with you. Ok?” And she winked.

My mind went into over drive at this point, and I felt my phone vibrate with a message, followed by another one right after. Once I parked I checked them and the text from Steph said ‘I’m serious, you need to try this at least once Becca, this is clearly a part of you and you owe it to yourself.’ I replied with a heart, but still not sure if me doing this would damage both of them, but especially her. I checked the other message and it was from Rich saying, ‘I’ve booked a table for tonight, pick you up at half seven if that’s ok?’ On my way up in the lift I was thinking very hard what to reply to him, not even sure if I wanted to commit myself to this extra step.

Who was I kidding! I sent a heart to him as well, ran in and jumped in the bath as soon as I could, knowing I had a limited amount of time to get ready and not sure if I should keep the very complicated thing I had kept going all week out not, then just thought, why not? You see, although I had touched it up a little during the week, I had been tucked non-stop since the festival. My therapist had suggested I join a support group and while I didn’t particularly enjoy it the few times I went, I did learn some new tricks from them, and one of them I tried out all this week.

Removing the spirit gum from groin wasn't a lot of fun, making sure I was cleaning of all of it, but it had worked really well and for the dress I was thinking of wearing tonight I would need to do it again. After making sure I was smooth everywhere again, really dry where I needed to be, I laid on the bed and got the fresh bottle of spirit gum and tucked, painting it where I needed it to hold me in place, laying there while I waited for it to dry.

And then I was really annoyed as the playlist I picked at random on Spotify started playing some awful music and I had to lay there listening to it!

But once that was dry and looked perfect, I slipped on a silk robe and started doing my hair and makeup, trying to time it so that I would be ready to walk downstairs and meet him at the door. Riding the lift in my LBD, checking out my bum in the mirror of course and looking down at my strappy shoes, I felt remarkably confident, and walking across the lobby I saw the effect of my hard work on his face. I looked good. I kissed him on the cheek, walked across the pavement to his car and he opened the door for me. I sat in bum first, swinging my legs in and hoping I was discreet enough. As we drove away he said nothing for a couple of minutes until he said, “Um, can I ask you something?”

I turned my head to look at him with a smile, and he asked, “So, um. Are you going commando?”

I said, “A gentleman would never ask a question like that.” I waited a couple of seconds before adding, “But the bigger question is if you will find out later?”

When we got to the restaurant, it was just an amazing evening, really romantic and for the first time I felt like our Friday nights date were really a date, not just two people hanging out and then two people hanging out who fool around a little.

Anyway, as we walked back to the car we kissed and his hand ran down my back and slipped into the low cut back, cupping my bum cheek as he pulled me into him. We had to stop of course, and as he opened the door to his car said, “I knew it.” And extracted his hand from my dress, making me shiver in anticipation.

I climbed in, I knew I didn’t need to be discreet anymore. He already knew. Too be fair, the dress left very little to the imagination and although I was practically naked all evening, I never once felt it. I enjoyed the way he looked at me, I enjoyed the way other men in there looked at me, I even enjoyed the looks of annoyance from some of their dates that they were looking at me.

I felt great, womanly.

And now, I was going home with a man, and I felt ready for everything that would happen. I’ve been wanting this, needing this, and laying there underneath him as he thrust into me, I was revelling in it. My legs were wide open, we were kissing tenderly and passionately, moving together and he felt perfect inside me. There was no pain, just gentle lust, and even though I was tucked away, I could feel I was semi hard but no pain from it, just pleasure.

I could feel my orgasm build, hoping we would have one together but I beat him to it. I had never cum from anal before, been close a few times, but now I was cresting a wave of pleasure from everything he was doing to me, how he felt inside me. It was everything I ever wanted as I orgasmed, but the feeling was in every part of my body, rolling through me as I clung to him while he slowed down and pressed into me further. Everything he was doing to me, was for me.

I lay there with him still deep inside me as I came down, kissing him once again and thanking him for such a wonderful moment in time, making my fantasy real, telling him how great he feels inside me. He whispered in my ear, “It’s not over yet.”

And he fucked me slowly, made love to me and my pleasure never wained, but rolled through me again, building up again till I thought I couldn't take anymore. I felt my orgasm start to rise but this time, I could sense he was close too. I’ve swallowed enough of his cum to know when he is ready, so I encouraged him along, trying to make sure we both experience it together.

And we did.

He thrust into me, feeling deeper than before, pushing forward and tipping me over the top of the wave as we clung together, him filling me with his seed deep inside me as we came together. We lay there, locked together, clinging to him, and we kissed.

I said, “I know it’s because you’re my first, so please don’t read anything into this, but right now I love you.”

He kissed me and said, “And I know it’s only because I’m inside you and you’re my friend, but I love you too.”

We made love twice more that night and once again in the morning, but we never said I love you again.

After we had showered, I got a text from Steph saying she was going to come round and pick up her boyfriend, and when she walked in we were both dressed and of course she knew it had happened, I mean, I couldn't stop grinning for a start. She hugged me and whispered in my ear that she was happy for me, then told Rich he had better have been gentleman. I never told her about saying I loved him, I didn’t need to as we had talked about it, and it was just a ‘love the one you’re with’ type thing. I did care about him, but like he said, he is also my friend and my BFF’s boyfriend as well. Just a loaner for the night.

But from then on we became fuck buddies. Our Friday night dates continued and once every three weeks he would stay overnight with me, and Steph said she was pleased for the break and my therapist thought I was risking breaking an emotional bond between them, we trusted each other. Besides, he was just practice for me.

At work I was still Beck, but I knew I would need to make a decision soon. My boobs were now a little over an A cup and almost a full B now, but keeping them hidden at work was becoming harder. One day I was running a bit late and had a laundry crisis so I had to wear a bralet under my dress down hoody. Steph noticed immediately and the rest of the day was hell being hunched over.

Yes, of course we can all work out where this story ends with Becca, but give me a break, there’s still a long way to go before we get there.

In September I was out during the week with Steph in a bar and chatting away, just wearing jeans and a tee shirt when two guys from work came in. It wasn’t that busy in here and while I was on nodding terms with Luke, the other I had only really seen around the office, Jamie. Of course, Steph knew both of them, so they came over to say hello.

While I had barely noticed Jamie before, I defiantly noticed him now. He is really hot, whereas Jamie is more like handsome in a rugged way, like Harrison Ford so to speak. Steph being the more socially aware, or at least, more aware of how men are than me, knew what to do and introduced me to both of them. I thought I was busted and had no idea what to say, but it seemed neither recognised me, and as Steph said later, a pair of obvious tits and not having my hair slicked back makes a big difference.

After I got over my initial nerves and hesitancy, it was quite a nice evening and we all got on well. We chatted and I lied about my job, saying I was temping and quite liking the constant change in scenery. It allowed me to make up a load of rubbish and make it sound like I was quite boring.

But it didn’t seem to work as the next day in the office, the one I only know from a distance, Jamie, came over to chat to Steph about me. Stupidly I had said I was single and I completely missed the look from Steph about that, but this guy wanted to go for a drink with me. He is cute, I suppose, lying through my teeth to myself about how hot he is, and sitting here in fear, hoping that Steph will say Becca isn’t interested.

Of course she was ignoring me, and I was thinking it might be a good idea to send her a text when she said, “I’ll ask her, but I’ll be honest, she never mentioned either of you. But I think she enjoyed your company so maybe I can talk her into it.”

He thanked her and walked off, and like the bitch my BFF is, she carried on ignoring me and got back to work. I just sat there looking at her, and without turning her head said, “Lets go to lunch, I want to ask you something.”

I hated her right now!

And somehow on Thursday evening I was getting ready for a double date with her, Rich and Jamie. I was not a happy bunny, but she did make a good point, I mean, yes, I enjoy spending time with her boyfriend, but what about being on a date with another man?

She had come home with me to veto whatever outfit I was planning on and wouldn't let me wear jeans again, not even leggings, so there I was, sitting with her and rich in a pub waiting, wearing a short denim skirt and tee shirt, feeling very nervous. There was one unexpected thing that kept crossing my mind, a little bit of jealousy. I mean, yes, I still have my date with Rich tomorrow but right now the man who is, well, fucking me regularly is sitting there with his girlfriend and practically ignoring me.

And then Jamie walked in and he looked hot as fuck!

I felt things I had never felt for Rich, and thank god Steph was there as she kept my lust under control. Yes, I fancied Rich, yes I loved having sex with him, but Jamie made me want to jump him, and Steph told me in the toilets to calm down a bit. She said that if he does ask me out I am to put him off a bit, and to let Rich try and calm me down a bit by taking the edge off it for me beforehand. And that was an interesting thought, could I go on a date right after I was with Rich?

Oh god, I need to get this horniness under control, and I did, sort of. Yes, he suggested we go out, and I suggested going out for lunch on Saturday, sneaking a look at Steph who rolled her eyes at me, guessing what was on my mind. So the following night, I think I broke Rich, I mean, I drained him and rode him within an inch of both of our lives and we finally fell asleep in each other’s arms.

In the morning we had sex again, our first time in the shower making for some slippery passionate fun, and then once again right before we both left together, me going on my date. I wanted to feel satisfied before I met up with Jamie, and I’m really glad I did as all the sex we had together made me feel like I didn’t need to try and ooze sex appeal for the date, I knew I was attractive to men, I mean, apart from feeling little sore, I was also feeling Rich’s cum inside me.

Maybe that was a bit slutty of me, but also a good choice for me as I was still feeling like I wanted to sleep with Jamie, but as Steph said, he has no idea who I am or what my gender is. I barely know that yet myself. At least Rich knows and is a safe partner to experiment with, Jamie is a different kind of experiment for me to learn a bit more about myself.

We were originally only going to have lunch together, and then separate before the evening, but somehow we ending up eating together. He was that charming, and then we went to the cinema, sitting there and he placed a hand on my leg.

Oh shit!

I could feel my self control collapsing, and I turned to face him to say that it was a bit too soon for this, but he kissed me. I really wanted to stop it, I did, I knew this was wrong and I needed to stop before it went too far, but I just couldn't stop it, and when he cupped one of my boobs and played with my nipple, all bets were off.

I wasn’t going to do it, I really mustn't do it, of god, why am I doing it? I was stroking his cock through his trousers without even realising it, and before it was too late I was undoing the zip and putting my hand it to stroke it flesh to flesh.

And that’s when we got kicked out the cinema, giggling away.

We got in his car and I said I wouldn't invite him in, I wanted to be very clear about that, but when we stopped I never got out. I sat there and he switched off the engine, looking at each other and started kissing again. He pulled down the zip on the back of my dress with one hand and with the other started pulling it up my legs, running his hands up them. I never stopped him. I opened my legs a little, feeling his fingers stroke the front of my underwear, but had just enough of awareness not to open them too far as he let my dress fall down, exposing my boobs.

Ok, I let my dress fall down by leaning forward, I wanted to give him access to them and took my bra off, but I knew I needed to take a bit more control and I took hold of his cock again, trying to take it out and I leant over and just went for it. I took him straight into my throat and his hand stopped trying to search under my dress.

He wasn't as big as Rich, maybe as thick, but he was now the second one I had in my mouth and I wanted to get him off quickly. It wasn’t just that I wanted to stop his hands, I was quite enjoying that, it was more that I was acutely aware I was parked outside my apartment block half naked with a cock in my throat.

He didn’t last very long, and after covering myself up, didn’t want to kiss me either. In fact, he became a bit distant almost and I realised that now he had got off, he had lost interest in me. I should have been annoyed but I really wasn’t. As I walked away from his car and to my building, I was kinda relieved he didn’t have my number. I thought about it on the way up in the lift, and yes, I really enjoyed the date, but the way he acted afterwards didn’t exactly make him seem like a nice guy anymore. He was still hot, and yes, given the chance I would jump him at the first opportunity, but beyond looking at him, he was kinda boring.

I took my phone and sent a quick text to Steph to let her know I was ok, saying ‘I took your advice.’ Three dots appeared followed by ‘?’ I smiled reading it, she had forgotten. As I walked into my flat I typed a message back, ‘Just home now, alone. He’s too boring and only nice to look at. So I didn't fuck him, just blew him to keep his hands away from me.’

She used every laughing emoji possible in reply.

On Monday at work, it didn’t take long before Luke came over to talk to Steph, talking to her quietly and then leaving, making her look angry. I asked if she was ok, and she told me that it could wait till lunchtime but she was very quiet till then. Turns out that Jamie was an absolute wanker! He wasn’t only telling people what happened in the car, he lied about what happened afterwards. Oh, and he took some photos on his phone of me deep throating him.

Steph said that Luke had managed to stop them being shared around and is pretty sure they were deleted, but he wanted to get a warning to Becca so she knew to stay away from Jamie. We were both annoyed about it, so Steph went into action telling people in return that not only did they not sleep together, that his dick was so small it was easy to swallow all and he came within seconds.

That made me feel a lot better, but out during the week with Steph, we bumped into Luke, or at least, that was what I thought at first as he wanted to say sorry for not warning me what he was like before he started chasing me. Luke was great, and he gave me a follow on insta, later slipping into my DMs to say hi, and hoped that it was ok to follow me.

He was quite a gentleman really, and over the evening I found myself reevaluating him having been blinded by Jamie’s good looks. Yes, he was handsome in a more rugged way, but he wasn't so full of himself for it, much more reserved and self deprecating in his humour. I found myself talking to him in my DMs a lot, not over the top and he wasn’t creepy in anyway, not even flirty, just chatting and it was really nice. When talking to Steph about it she told me this is what I should have been looking for, not just a fuck buddy or a hot guy for the physical side of things, someone who treated me like a woman.

Which is exactly what my therapist said as well when we talked about it, and she said I needed to think carefully about what I should do next, and like me she was sensing that I was coming close to making a decision about my future. The weeks seemed to fly by and there was so much running around in my mind that I barely noticed I got in the lift at work with Luke, nodding a hello and checking my phone, seeing a message from him that very morning. On insta he asked if I wanted to go out for a coffee with him, maybe even a drink sometime.

I was trying not to look across to him as I typed my reply. ‘I would like that, but not just yet. I have quite a lot going on that I don’t want to dump on you as that’s not fair, but one day, hopefully soon I would like that.’

The doors opened and I stepped out hitting send. Once I sat down at my desk I got a reply saying, “I completely understand and while I can’t promise I will wait, I will say that I hope that asking you out won’t stop us talking to each other.’

I sat there with a big smile, and Steph asked me what was up. I looked across and said, “Nothing, I just feel really happy today.”

A Needed Change - Part Six

Ten minutes after sitting at my desk, an email alert came in, but I was looking at other stuff and day dreaming about the invite from Luke for a date. Ok, it was just an invite for a coffee or a drink, but in my mind it was a romantic date. Anyway, I heard Steph squeal with delight at something, and looked at her. She was extremely excited about something and told me to check my emails.

There were quite a few in there as there always is each morning, but the most recent one was titled ‘Fancy dress’, which is what clearly got her excited. Halloween is a couple of weeks away, and the office was inviting us to come in dressed up. It seemed a bit weird to me, after all, the 31st was on a Thursday this year, but it did go on to say they would be encouraging us to donate a little to charity and the Friday would be a dress down day.

Steph always gets excited about halloween, I think in her heart she’s American in that way, but looking at her now I could see a lot going through her mind, and I have to admit, I was thinking some of those things as well. I had two costumes at home, both fitted me quite well, but do I do it or not?

I mean, one of them is well, suggestive in some ways and could I really wear it to work and go all out or not? Anyway, I tried to ignore it, having much more interesting things on my mind and knowing that she wanted to talk to me about it, I kept changing the subject. She was getting a bit annoyed about that, but I told her we will go out for a coffee for lunch.

Off course, she could barely wait to talk about it, and told me that no matter what I wore to work, I would have to wear the other costume to her halloween party on the Saturday.

I said, “You know, I’m not sure about doing it that way. It’s a big step and lets face it will out myself, and I don’t think I’m ready.”

The truth is, I was more worried about Luke seeing me and hating me for leading him on, but I sent a email to my therapist to ask if we could meet a bit earlier and she said she could fit me in for an online consult that evening.

When discussing it with her, she never once offered an opinion, always doing that annoying thing of asking another question. I barely know why I’m teasing it out for you, we all know what I did, but it came down to this one question from her at the end of the session, “Is there a reason why you wouldn't want to do it?”

And the truth is, there were no reasons not to do it, not even thinking about Luke and him feeling misled. I wanted to do it and had picked which outfit I would wear to work and how to do my makeup for the day. I looked at her and said, “You already know my answer don’t you.”

She gave a small smile and told me to enjoy myself, and I sent a text to Steph telling her I would decide if I will do it on the day and not before. I didn’t do that to wind her up, it was more that I knew she would try and help me with my look, but I needed to do that for myself, giving me a chance to learn more about makeup. It did mean I would have to go shoe shopping by myself, but I could live with, a girl can never have enough shoes!

Steph of course the next day tried to talk me into coming in to work in fancy dress, but I told her I need to do this in my own time, and she did back off, dropping hints here and there when we were out the following evening. My therapist had been great in the whole process and although she hadn’t told me what the diagnosis was for me yet, I think she knew and I think I did as well and it was making me more and more distracted from Steph, and I was worried I was being a bit distant from her, but on Wednesday at lunch, I opened up a bit to her, apologising for not being my usual self.

Her response was to hug me, tell me it’s ok and that she’s here for me.

Thank god she had tissues in her bag, and I really wish I had some make up with me to try and hide the damage. Which was made even worse when back at work and I was standing at a urinal and Luke came in, standing with the obligatory empty one between us. He glanced at me as I nodded a hello, and he must have seen something and he asked me if I was ok.

I very much wasn’t now! All I could think is my eyes are puffy, I’m dressed in drab and we’re both holding our own penis’s and the world should just open up and swallow me now. Please, this is the worst time for him to ask that question, but I brushed it off saying it was just late hay fever or an allergy.

After work I went shopping for shoes, not just to cheer myself up, not just for the costume, but also because tomorrow I had a hospital appointment after work and it felt like everything was all coming to head for me. Very soon I would be if not out at work, everyone would know a lot more about me, even if they are being correct in adding two plus two. And now the doctor is going to tell what they recommend for me, almost as if my options are slightly disappearing.

But picking out the perfect strappy shoes for the costume with a not too pointy a heel for a day at work, I think I was ready.

One thing that was funny is that Luke sent me a DM while I was on my way to the shops, complimenting me on the yellow dress I was wearing.

OK, how does he know I’m wearing this? It stopped me dead as I read the message then saw three dots as he typed and the next message said ‘look to your left’.

And there he was, sitting in the window of Starbucks, so I stopped and waved at him, doing a little pose for him, watching him type on his phone and three dots appeared as he asked if I wanted to join him.

I was tempted, but it was also hard to forget the last time I was so close to him, so I said I would have loved to, but I need to go and buy some shoes to go with my fancy dress outfit for halloween.

Dammit! Why did I say that?

I watched him read the message, look at me and raise his coffee cup in salute and he messaged me that he hopes I post a photo of the outfit on the day. I promised him I would and then wondered to myself what he will say if he sees me at work. But let’s face it, he will hear about it anyway, the weird friend of Steph has come in dressed as a girl.

But I did find myself taking a photo of the shoes and sending them to him, saying ‘here’s a preview.’ I wasn’t wearing them in the photo and I hope he hasn’t got a foot fetish, or that I awakened something in him.

The next day at work I didn’t see him, and Steph was amazing with me, keeping me laughing all day as I tried not to think about what the afternoon has in store for me. I rushed home to get changed before I went to the hospital, I just didn’t want to be Beck while getting whatever news was in store for me, and just wore skinny jeans and a jumper.

I seemed to be sitting there forever while I waited, but I think it’s just my nerves. The consultant was gentle with me while they gave their recommendations for my future. I was a bit surprised to find out they had been speaking in depth with my therapist about the options, and they laid it all out for me. There were three choices in total, and my therapist would make the final recommendation on one of them, the other two I could pick right now. I needed to think about it (yes, we all know where this is going, but please remember the joy is in the telling).

Once home I changed into a pair of shorts and tee shirt and as soon as I plopped down on the sofa the buzzer went and smile crossed my face, I knew it was Steph, who else could it be? I just hit the button to let in her in, opened up some wine and poured two glasses, handing one to her the moment she walked in.

And I told her everything.

The next day being a Friday it was my date night, so I rushed home to get ready. I wanted to feel like a woman tonight and as soon as Rich arrived he told me that he was under orders from Steph to look after me and make sure he gets home by 6am tomorrow.

We made love forever it seemed, I needed it so much and jumped on him. I needed some validation from someone, and his erection never seemed to fail. After what seemed like he was inside me one way or another for many hours, we seemed to slow down and just lay there, holding each other as we kissed gently.

We hadn’t eaten at this point, although I felt quite full thanks to Rich, we did need to eat something, so he ordered some food and we just chatted while we waited. I never heard the buzzer for the main door, it seems someone let the delivery guy in and they knocked on the door.

And we were both quite naked, shimmering with sweat. I had glued back my tuck, it was very much my preferred method now, so Rich slapped me on the bum and said, “Go get my food, woman.”

I raised my eyebrow at him, asking, “Is that my instruction, sir?”

He told me, “Damn straight it is.”

So I stood up, gave his semi erect dick a gentle kiss and walked out, completely naked, heading towards the door. I heard him sit up, and follow me to the door, looking around the corner not quite believing what I was doing but I was feeling confident again. Everything we had done together had made me feel womanly and now I wanted to share it with the world. I opened the door and looked at the delivery man, maybe a university student and not much younger than me to be honest.

But I knew I looked good, how else could Rich have been so hard for so long, filling me with so much of his cum all evening? I hid nothing from the delivery man, and I didn’t care as he looked at me, saying nothing. I held out my hand and he passed me the bag of food, still looking at me.

“Sorry,” I said, “I don’t have anything to tip you with, is that ok?”

He nodded and I turned before shutting the door, letting him have a look at my bum, then used my foot to close the door behind me as the giggles finally burst out of me, running back towards Rich as we sat at the breakfast bar to eat.

Halfway through the food, Rich said, “You know when you turned around he could see quite a bit of cum between your legs.”

I picked up a piece of chicken, dipped it in some sauce and said, “Nowhere near enough if you ask me, so eat up, I need a lot more from you tonight!”

I didn’t really want to eat, but I knew he needed to and as soon as he was finished I slid off the stool, moving closer to him and started kissing his neck, running my finger tips over his arm and moving my lips closer to his face until our lips touched. When this first started for me, revisiting what I now knew was part of my youth, I never once imagined that almost a year later I would be here right now, naked in my kitchen/living room, leading a naked man by his dick. It was dark out by now, and there was something I wanted to do, something that my ex never wanted to try, but now I wanted to be the one in her place.

I turned off the lights, opened the door to the balcony and stepped outside. The air had a chill to it, but I could see no one, and didn’t care if they could see me as I felt Rich step up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist, pulling me to him. He was ready once again, and I reached back, guiding him into me as we stood there, his arms around my waist as I braced myself against the hand rail, pushing back, as he slowly slid in and out of me, kissing my neck, making me feel warm inside and out, caressing my boobs, and I felt him get harder and swell in me. I thrust back onto him, wanting to feel every millimetre of him as he bred me again.

I felt like a woman.

I never got dressed again that evening, but I did send him home early, even walking with him to the lifts, waiting there to kiss him good night before he went back to Steph. I heard the lift get closer, and pulled him to me. I think I was hoping I would be seen by someone, but it was empty, and once the doors closed on him, I suddenly felt exposed and stupid, running back to the safety of my flat, collapsing on my bed in a fit of giggles and felling very satisfied as I rolled over to go to sleep, smelling him still in my room, on my body and everywhere.

The next day I didn’t have a lot to do as Steph was away with Rich at a wedding, but she did send me a text calling me a exhibitionist, and apart from sending back an embarrassed emoji, I just admitted it was a fantasy come true at last. Other than a bit of shopping, I was left alone with my thoughts which was a good thing. I had some choices to make and a discussion with my therapist on Thursday about it.

The rest of the working week was a working week, with Steph dropping lots of hints about fancy dress at work, and even though I knew I would do it, I still wasn't sure of the two costumes I had at home. Maybe I should see if I can order something else online to arrive by then and just hope it fits well enough and not cheap enough to look stupid. In the end I did order something as a ‘just in case’ option, a French maid outfit which is probably a bit cliched, but had decent enough reviews and I could wear my nice lingerie with the stockings and suspenders.

Anyway, Thursday arrived and I slipped out of work early to see the therapist. I was really nervous about this one, I’d learnt a lot about myself over the last year, even more over the last six months of these sessions, and today it started with a question about what the endocrinologist has told me. I’m sure she knew, but she wanted to hear it from me first, so she got an edited highlights, ending with another question from her. “So which option will you take?”

I took a deep breath.

“Well, option one is definitely a no, I don’t want to have testosterone and look like a man. Option two is no different to how I am today, and of course option three has some appeal, but am I ready for that?”

She looked me over and said, “Today I see a very stylish woman sitting in front of me, one who just said they don’t want to look like a man, so it’s easy to ignore the first one. Myself, your GP or the specialist knew you didn’t want that, but it had to be on the table. The question is, how do you see yourself?”

I sat there thinking, wondering that very question. Am I a woman? I feel more like a woman than anything else, but I could be gender fluid, there’s enough research I have done that could indicate that.

I said, “Am I gender fluid?”

As always, I get a question in reply. “How often do you present as a male?”

I wanted to reply, I really did, but she knew the answer already as well as I did. I looked at her said, “How soon can I start with option three?”

Walking back to my car with a prescription and a whole new list of things to do but not quite sure when I would do them. I was told not to rush it, let things happen when I’m ready to let them happen.

I wanted to tell Steph, but decided to wait until Saturday when I took Rich home. He was staying over again and I love those times, waking up with his arm around me, kissing him first thing and having breakfast together. Of course, the shower is always fun, but when aren’t they fun when you’re not alone?

Dropping Rich off, he needed to go get ready to play football, and I sat down with Steph. I said, “I have something to tell you.” She looked at me. “Soon, I’m not quite sure exactly when, but Becca will be me all the time. I just need to work everything out and then that’s it, maybe in the new year.”

She sat there saying nothing, making me wonder if I have just upset her when she finally said, “Thank god for that, I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant!”

It took a second for me to understand what she said, but when I started to smile, she lent across and wrapped me in her arms, holding me and whispered in my ear, “I know, I’ve always known.”

And then she jumped backwards, grabbing my hands and said, “Oh my god, you need a girls night out tonight. I’ll call the girls and we will go shopping right now!”

I then got to witness a whirlwind of activity as she rushed about getting ready for shopping and out we went out, buying myself a brand new outfit, something to show off my femininity, and hanging out with two of her friends who just accepted me at a moments notice. When they turned up at Steph’s in a taxi I was worried about what I should tell them, but was told not to worry, they’ve been following me on insta for ages after she told them about her new girlfriend at work.

“Wait, they know about me?” I asked.

“Of course, haven’t you realised yet, girls tell their BFFs everything. Why do you think we share everything with each other? They love you and have wanted to meet you for ages but I said not until you told me this is who you really are.”

They both walked in, hugged me within an inch of my life and we started complimenting each other on our outfits when we all jumped back into the taxi. And my leggings squeaked on the leather seats making it sound like I was farting, made worse by the girls making me sit up front with the driver having been dared to flirt with him.

But every time I moved, my shiny leggings made a fart sound and all I could hear were fits of giggles over it. But it was a great evening, I don’t think we stopped chatting all night, well, apart from when one of us was making out with some random guy, with them setting a target for me to kiss at least three guys in three different bars or clubs. Because I only managed two guys thanks to my nerves, I then had to kiss two guys in one bar and I was meant to openly stroke one of them through their trousers earlier, so this time I had to take their hand and put it between my legs and let them rub me as I rubbed them.

Thankfully, the leggings were so tight I had nothing to worry about, but Steph still had to pull me away as I was quite enjoying it and we were standing on the street at the time. She said, “Ok, seems like you didn’t get enough last night.” Her friends started laughing and yes, they knew all about it. So we talked about sex, comparing notes, but funnily enough both me and Steph talked about Rich like he was two different people.

In the cab as each of us were dropped at home, Steph talked about her fancy dress halloween party on Friday and that she was thinking of going to work as Malibu Barbie on the day, then said to her friends, “I’m hoping little missy here will wear what she has at home to work.”

They wanted to know, but I wasn’t sure myself yet, so wimped out a bit and said I’ve ordered a maid’s outfit, but it’s still a big decision to do this for work. They all started talking at once, trying to convince me, telling me I look happy like this so should just do it, but I pointed out I could easily just go as a business woman and still be in fancy dress.

Steph thought that was a good idea too, but still, a big step to take.

So on Wednesday at work I added my name to the fancy dress list and paid my £20 to take part, telling Steph I would pick her up in the morning. At home that evening I tried on the French maid outfit but didn’t like it, the fitting was all wrong and rather then looking good, it just seemed to hang on me. I opened the wardrobe and looked at the two outfits already in there, the ones that Steph found and the one I showed her all those months ago, then took out a suit with a very short skirt, trying that on as well.

I laid out all three options and would decide in the morning.

I got up early and tried all three options, thinking to myself if I’m going to do it, I may as well do it properly and knew then what I would wear, doing my make up to match. I found a long coat to wear for the walk to garage and the drive to Steph’s, covering myself up as much as I could when I knocked on her door. Rich opened it while still eating toast and I followed him in as Steph sat there in a robe, putting on some pink lipstick. She looked me up and down and said, “Come on then, show me.”

I took my coat off and her moth dropped a little, then stood up and took off her robe. She had a bright pink bikini on, with a short little sarong wrap for some modesty, but looked at me and said, “You know, I only opted for this to try and draw some attention away from you, but now it looks like I have competition.”

And she removed the sarong, picked up a pink handbag and asked Rich where her coat was. The walk from parking the car to the office was intense for me, I don’t think I was taking a risk, but then again, I am very much outing myself. We walked into the office, hung up our coats on a rack near our desks and both walked across to our desks, starting the working day.

I was too scared to go and get a coffee, and Steph refused to get one without me so I did it and a few people walked past, some in fancy dress, some not. Just like at my desk, some did a double take, some not even noticing us. But I was very aware of how I looked and very aware of the looks we were getting from some. After about half an hour, my morning coffee was making itself known, and I whispered to Steph, “Steph, I need to go.”

She looked at me, and said, “Home?”

“No, I need the loo but what do I do?” It hadn’t occurred to me before now this would happen, but she just rolled her eyes and picked up her bag, saying, “Come on, it’ll be alright.”
And she stood up and we walked the length of the office, with a lot of eyes looking at us, a few whispers and a few who were openly checking us out. I was used to it by now, sometimes enjoying the looks, sometimes not enjoying them, but getting them at work wasn't something I expected to happen. We walked into the ladies and I ran to a stall, sat down to pee and heard someone come in.

Once I had finished and wiped, I pulled my outfit back up and went out, and there was a women I had never spoken to before, and she said, “Beck? It is Beck isn’t it?”

And Steph from a stall said, “Call her Becca.”

She looked at me and said, “Becca! That’s adorable and I love your outfit and I wish I had your figure to wear something like that.” She was dressed in the same French maid outfit I had at home, but on her it looked amazing and I told her so and we gushed over each other as I touched up my make up before I needed to go back to my desk. Her words gave me a lot of confidence, and as I walked back to my desk with Steph, I felt myself swaying my hips a bit, and she did the same, both of us enjoying the moment. At our desks we stifled some giggles and I said I would go and get us a coffee, needing to fly solo for once.

Waiting for the kettle to boil, I stood there and noticed Luke talking to Steph at her desk, and he smiled at me. By now it would have been around the office that Beck was here as a girl today, and asking to be called Becca, and I wished I had been honest with him right from the start, or at least telling him about me when we had that ‘double date’ where he apologised for Jamie.

But instead he smiled at me.

He smiled at me.

He must know who I am by now, but he smiled at me.

And I smiled back, mouthing a sorry at him, which seemed to confuse him, so I waved my wand at him and he laughed.

He had left by the time I got back with the coffees, and I asked Steph what he said. She told me, “He said you look great and to tell you he is looking forward to seeing you at my party on Saturday.”

“What! You invited him! But he knows who I am now!”

She smiled and said, “Oh that, no, he always knew, that’s why he felt so bad about not warning you about Jamie.”

I sat there stunned, too stunned to work and after about twenty minutes of pretending to do something I grabbed my phone and sure enough, there was a DM from Luke. It said, ‘Love the look today, wish I had a Peter Pan outfit. Unless that’s too forward.”

It was sent within three minutes of me walking into the building. And here I was, a man, dressed in, well, lets face it, a slutty Tinkerbell costume that hides nothing that I’m not already hiding or been hiding in the past. I looked at a photo I took before I left home and uploaded it to insta with the caption ‘Too much for work?’

The likes started rolling in instantly, and one of the first was Luke. Followed by Steph and her friends, then lots of strangers and lots of frankly inappropriate comments and messages. I showed one to Steph which made us both giggle and our supervisor come over to tell us to get on with work, giving me a very unapproving look down her nose. I don’t care, she’s never been very friendly and looks like she has a broom stuck up her arse. The rest of the day was just normal, apart from my wings getting in the way when I wanted to lean back in my chair. Having left Luke on read all day, I sent him a message saying it was definitely too forward, but not to wear that for Steph’s party as I won’t be Tink for that. He asked me a few times what I would be wearing, but I told him I don’t even know yet what I will wear, so no chance of trying to match me. He sent a sad face, but I decided not to answer.

I had made another decision about tomorrow for dress down day at work. No one seemed to mind what I wore, pretty much everyone had called me either Becca or Becs, so why shouldn't I dress down as well?

A Needed Change - Part Seven

The next day I did dress down for work, but as Becca and no one batted an eyelid; everyone accepted me. Apart from one person, one I didn’t expect it from, and that was my supervisor. I was called into her office within an hour of getting there and I thought she was asking me to do something so I just lent against the desk when she turned to face me.

“So Beck, do you think how you’re dressed is appropriate for an office?”

I glanced out the window at everyone else, and yes my boots did come over my knees but my skirt was no shorter than a few of the other women here today - wow, I really am saying other women without thinking about it. Anyway, she must have seen my confusion and said, “You’re a man, and you’re dressed in a skirt, using the women's facilities and it’s not right. There are people here who might get upset by this sort of behaviour and I expect you to be wearing a suit again on Monday.”

I never said a word, but realised I just had my first encounter with a terf. I walked back to my desk with my arms folded, feeling very small and stupid, trying to avoid looking at anyone or them looking at me. Steph wanted to know if I was ok, but I just shook my head to say I didn’t want to talk about it.

I had only just started the hormones and suddenly felt very emotional, trying to stop myself from crying and Steph grabbed her handbag, then my hand and pulled me into the ladies as the tears came. She hugged me as I cried and I told her what was said, feeling her get tense with anger, but I begged her not to say anything. She helped me repair my face and we walked out, only for me to see the supervisor looking sternly at me as Steph led me back to her desk.

I tried to put it out of my mind, but Steph was tapping angrily away at the keyboard which actually made me laugh. When we left work at the end of the day Rich was standing there and he held out his hands and told me to hand over my car keys, and he drove me home. Steph turned up half an hour later and made us all something to eat, kissed my cheek and told me to bring him home tomorrow. We never made love that night, we didn’t even fuck, he just held me and looked after me.

I felt safe.

By the morning I felt a lot better and he made me French toast. I looked at him and said, “Sorry we didn’t have sex last night.”

He rushed over and hugged me, telling me not to be stupid and I just lent into him letting him hold me as I stood there. We parted slowly and sat down to eat, and he never once asked me about it, waiting to see if I wanted to talk but I wasn’t ready yet. I knew it would happen one day, having a run in like that, but until now I had basically been stealth.

I asked him, “Do I look like a woman?”

He looked at me and said of course I do. I undid my robe and let it fall to the ground, standing there naked in front of him, not for the first time, but it was the first time I hadn’t been tucked. My little penis was hanging there, almost useless, and I said, “What about now?”

He looked me up and down, even looking there, then got up and hugged my naked body, saying into my ear, “Extremely womanly.”

And we kissed.

We still didn’t have sex, I think he knew I just needed some validation, but I sat there eating, refusing to get dressed and occasionally enjoying him looking at my body. We even showered together, washing each others bodies, but I didn’t want him to wash me there, the only place I wouldn't let him touch me while I was untucked.

I sent him home early. Partly because I wanted to get ready for Steph’s party, but also I wanted him to help her, after all he is her boyfriend so it’s only fair that she gets to enjoy spending time with him, so I did what any girl does when she’s feeling a bit sad and needs cheering up. No, not shopping, I gave myself a damn good pampering! I ran a bath and dropped in a bath bomb, making sure the temperature was just right. I was tempted to have a glass of wine, but it was only just after lunch and I had a party so best to pace myself.

After bathing, shaving where I needed to, washing my hair and just having a relaxing time, I thought back over the last few months. Yes, I’m a woman, I’ve always been woman and clearly trying to make myself into something I wasn’t after that scary moment when I was almost caught in a dress aged eleven. But now, even my horrible supervisor can’t dent my mood, my friends and family know who I am and they love me for who I am and it seems they always knew who I really am.

But that still leaves the question about what to do on Monday? I know I will need to speak to HR and get the ball rolling, even start to change my name and all of those legal things, but what do I do about the terf at work? She’s clearly going to make my life hell, but dealing with it is something I have no idea how to do. I had a little look online and got lots of tips that others had shared, but none of my accounts stated I was a trans woman and I felt reluctant to out myself there just yet. Should I change them or not? Yes, I should, and I need to own it, be proud of who I am.

Anyway, that’s a problem for future me. Present me needs to get out the bath so I don’t turn into a prune, and start my moisturising routine and decide what to eat before I call a cab.

I thought about wearing a coat to cover myself up for the journey, but at the last check in the mirror before heading out, I had a fit of confidence, grabbed my clutch and walked out. In the lift on the way down, it pinged and in got my friend from a few floors down with her husband. His jaw dropped slightly and she told him to close his mouth right before telling me I looked good, and yes, checking myself in the lift mirror I agreed with her. I took a selfie, including a couple with her and put the best one on insta.

Walking out to the cab the driver got out and opened the door for me, slipping in bum first and swinging my legs in, waiting for him to almost run around the car to get back in. Thankfully, he did keep his eyes on the road, but at every stop he looked, and I pretended not to notice while I enjoyed the attention.

Arriving at the party early Steph said, “I so knew you would wear that! I could see it in your eye when you first showed it to me.”

I gave her a twirl and replied, “And I know you wanted to borrow it, so thank you for not asking.”

She looked great herself dressed as Woody from Toy Story in a pair of jeans hot pants and a waistcoat, and I already knew that Rich was going to be Buzz. We hugged and headed out to the kitchen to start sorting things out and Rich walked in, stopping dead when he looked at me.

He looked pretty good himself, so I took a couple of steps to stand next to Steph, slipping an arm around her waist and saying, “Like what you see?”

We both watch a growing bulge, looked at each other and giggled before I said to her, “I’m not ruining my make up, it’s your turn to suck it.”

And we both laughed, almost uncontrollably, dabbing tissues at our eyes but it did help Rich and the bulge stopped growing. We carried on sorting out the party supplies, and slowly people started to turn up, Steph’s friends, people from work, people I didn’t know and it gradually changed from a few people in fancy dress into a party. Everyone from work called me Becca all night, and other than the work girls asking if my boobs were all mine or not, I was just one of the girls. Like everyone, well, almost everyone they accepted me for who I am.

And then I saw someone in a suit, a man, and he did not look like he was in fancy dress. I hadn’t noticed them before now, and I had been practically everywhere this evening. When he turned I saw it was Luke and he gave me a little wave, just a hand up to say hello, and turned away from me to carry on talking to whoever had his attention.

I was not happy. I was about to go over to say hi, but Steph intercepted me, pulling me into her kitchen to help with something she could have done by herself.

When we were alone she said, “You were about to do something really stupid.”

I said, “What do you mean? I was only going to talk to him!”

“No, you were annoyed he didn’t come to talk to you, but he will. You haven’t noticed him, but he’s been watching you all night, following you around almost hoping you would see him. He’s trying to act cool. You should try it.”

I looked at her and the closed door, wondering if I should go and stand close to him, but it opened, and there he was, filling the doorway and smiling at me. Steph said, “Great, you will do. Can you help Becca take the bottles into the garden for the recycling?”

And the bitch walked away.

I looked at him and said, “So where’s you’re costume?”

He said nothing, walking over to me and picking up an empty bottle and took a business card out of the inside pocket of his jacket, handing it to me, saying, “The name’s Bond. James Bond.”

I took the card from him and it said ‘I didn’t have a costume at home, so this will do.’

“Ok Mr No Effort At All, pick up some bottles and follow me.”

I worked it, worked it hard. I only took two empties out and he grabbed two as well, and after dropping them in the box, we just stood there in silence for a moment. I broke it by saying, “I really am sorry, I never meant to mislead you and should have said something.”

He put his hands on my upper arms and said, “I told you, I already knew. I saw you out months ago with some woman, then saw you again with Steph a few times. Then when I bumped into you with that prick, I am sorry about that by the way, I was really pleased to get to know you.”

I lowered my head. I was really embarrassed about Jamie and felt like it had hurt him. “And I’m sorry about that, I don’t know what came over me.”

He said, “I do. You fancied him, and that’s ok, a lot of women fancy him. I’m just glad I was able to stop him talking about you.”

I looked up at him, and there was only one thing I could do. This man had kept my secret even better than Rich had, looked out for me and… “Wait, you really knew all along?”

He smiled and said yes and every time we had been close to each other since then came to mind. “Oh my god. You know when you asked me out for a coffee I was reading that message right next to you in the lift?”

He nodded and said, “Yep. I could see it. I am taller than you, you know?”

“Wait, we stood next to each other in the toilets!”

He gave a shy smile and looked a bit red himself now, and I said, “Thank god I didn’t look!”

“Were you tempted?”

Ok, I could get in a lot of trouble here now. I said, “A women reserves the right to not answer questions like that.”

And I shivered, just a little, it is just November now, so he slipped off his jacket and dropped it over my shoulders and I stepped forward and he hugged me. He smelt great and I felt very safe and wanted now. I said into his chest, “Does it not bother you, you know, about me?”

I felt him shake his head as he hugged me a little firmer. I looked up at him and he looked down at me. ‘Please do it’ I thought to myself, and he did, gently, first on the tip of my nose, then softly on my lips, then I kissed him back. Not full on, just gentle and romantic, a little tongue on the lips, then we stood there, me leaning on his chest with his arms wrapped around me.

The door opened and we were bathed in light and Steph stood holding a few more empties. She said, “Jesus, I can’t leave you two alone for second.”

Luke kissed the top of my head and headed back in, and I looked at Steph as we waited for the door to close. “Thank god you too have finally got something happening. He’s been bugging me about when he should ask you out after you turned him down.”

We sat on the step on she told me all about it as I slipped my arms into the jacket and rolling up the sleeves a bit, about how after meeting us in the bar with Jamie, how he knew who I really was and how he wanted to make sure I was ok and that nothing bad would happen to me. I said, “So he always knew, and it never bothered him about, you know, what I have down there?”

She replied, “If Rich is ok with it and has always seen you as a women, yes, even before you kissed, then why wouldn’t Luke?”

I thought about it for a few seconds, then started to smile, facing Steph and saying, “He likes me.”

“Well duh!”

Back in the party the first thing I did was was walk around looking for him. I needed to give the jacket back but I also didn’t want to take it off, not because it covered me up, but because I could still smell him. After a few minutes, I found him and he helped me take it off and I just stood next to him while he chatted to a couple of girls from work. I’m not sure when it happened but we held hands for a bit, but we drifted apart as you do in parties, seeing each other on and off.

Near midnight he found me again, and we slipped outside as he wanted to say goodnight before he left, and we kissed again. This time with a bit more passion, a bit more desire and with a lot of promise for things to come. Once again Steph disturbed us, this time by accident and he left with me looking after him with a dreamy look on my face. Steph whispered to me, “Luke and Becca, sitting in a tree….”

I nudged her in the ribs.

The party started to wind down about 1am until it was just me there, and we all sat on the sofa with Rich in the middle. Steph said, “So what are you going to do?”

I knew what she meant, and I think she already knew my answer, but I said, “Well, get a cab to go home I guess.”

I slowly turned my head to look at her, trying to keep the smile of my face and said, “Thank god I love my annoying best friend.” And we linked arms as we sat there, all leaning our heads on each other.

I hung around to help them clean up, but in the end they said they couldn’t be bothered and would wait till the morning, with Steph sitting on a armchair and me and Rich on the sofa next to each other. I leant against him and he put an arm around my shoulder, pulling me close and it was nice.

Steph was sitting there watching us and said, “You two missed out on your Friday night date, and I’m too tired so if you want to, go ahead.”

I looked at Rich and wasn’t sure, I mean, I’m kinda with Luke now, but he kissed my nose and said, “It has been a nightmare for me with you two walking around strutting your stuff. I almost felt bad looking at you.”

I looked at Steph and we both giggled and I said, “Ok, but this will be the last time.”

She nodded, reached out for a bowl of popcorn and got herself comfortable, saying, “I’ve been so busy being the host all evening, it’s my turn to watch a show. Go on then, right here and now.”

I was a bit surprised, but Rich looked at me and shrugged, pulling me into a kiss. Time seemed to slow down, and I kept opening an eye to look at Steph, but she was quite happily snacking and watching us, telling me with her eyes to focus on the job at hand. And it was in my hand, I must have gone onto autopilot.

Half of my brain was aware of what I was doing and being watched, but the other half was shouting at me to pay attention to the man I was with. Somehow we needed up on the floor, my Bunny suit removed and Rich was kissing my nipples as he slid in and out of me, and my head rolled back in pleasure. When I opened my eyes Steph was looking down at me and said, “He’s good, isn’t he?”

“God yes!”

Afterwards, we sat back down and I tried to get my Bunny suit back on and looking good, but suddenly one of my boobs was struggling to stay in, probably because I was a bit flushed due to the two orgasms he gave me, but we wouldn’t let Rich get dressed so he sat there buck naked while we talked, looking at him and each of us touching him every now and then saying that us girls put up with being ogled all the time, so this one time he should just sit there and put up with it.

I don’t think he minded.

But it was funny talking about how it would be the last time we had sex as I thanked both of them and played with his dick at the same time. While I would miss our dates, I also knew I had a male friend who loved me for being me. Plus his girlfriend was my BFF and had my back all the way. They offered me the spare room again, but I wanted to go home, so both of them helping me put my boobs away, I ordered a cab and rode home, wondering if the driver could tell I just got laid and wishing now I had worn a coat.

On Sunday I had a lazy morning, not really doing much but determined to do something that would be good for me, so a quick search on YouTube and I found a beginners yoga video, got put on some exercise clothes and got to it. Here’s a question for you, why is stretching and holding the pose so much hard work?

Anyway, I quite enjoyed it, and was trying to work out if I should reward myself with something healthy but still tasty, or a glass of wine. The decisions we girls have to make. While I was wondering what was the easiest option; open up a bottle and pour myself a glass or start prepping a smoothie, the buzzer went and guessing it was Steph I hit the button to open the main door, unlocked my front door and went back to put the kettle on instead. I heard the door open behind me and turned around My jaw hit the floor.

It was my ex.

She looked at me, clearly wondering who I was for a second, then I saw the recognition cross her face. And here I am, standing here in my leggings and matching sports bra which used to belong to her, I just smiled and said, “Hi”.

She walked in and said, “Well, you look good.”

I offered her a cup of tea and we exchanged pleasantries, funnily enough both avoiding the elephants in the room; why I looked the way I did and where she had been. Once we were both seated, I said to her, “You go first.”

And she told me all about her travels, how she had started to disassociate from our relationship as she began to find what she wanted to do with her life. She had a few partners during her time, finding out that she was bi, which wasn’t a surprise to me to be honest, I knew she slept with at least one girl at university but tried to keep it quiet. But now she was back for a couple of months to see family before heading back to Australia. Turns out she is now dating an Aussie guy, and they want to see if they can make a future together when not travelling.

I was ok with it, I had no reason to worry about what her future plans are, but she did apologise for not being more honest with me and felt guilty for not telling me after a couple of months that we were over. I could see the pain on her face, and when I told her it was fine, and that is true, I think I always knew it was over once she went and I stayed behind. She was unlikely to be the same person when she returned and I pointed out, ‘It’s not like I haven’t changed either’.

She looked at me and we both started to laugh, and I told her all about what I’ve been up to, the slow change in the early days, how I became more public about being Becca and then what happened at work. “Also, you’re not the only one who’s been with a couple of guys”.

She looked at me and said, “Ok girlfriend, I want all the details!”

So I told her everything, about how Rich was on loan, the awful blow job in the car, explained about my boobs (which she wanted to see, telling me they were slightly larger than she remembered), my medical condition, and finally about Luke. I showed her the photos on my phone and got a new follower on insta, told her about my trip to work and what my supervisor said.

She looked furious now, and said, “Right, lets find you something fabulous to wear to work. If you haven’t thrown it away, and looking at what you’re wearing now I think you haven’t, but I know what you should wear.” And she dragged to the bedroom and started searching through the wardrobe, commenting on anything new I had that she liked, finding the outfit for my next day.

She stayed for something to eat that evening, and we just chatted like we had never talked before, obviously now like two girls. This was nice, we even talked about what we both liked in men, what attracted us to each other, that my mum had told her about my time as Becca while a kid which made her love me even though she never told me about it. But the evening ended with us as friends, reconnecting in a way I never expected and arranging to meet at least once more before she went back to Australia.

In the morning I woke up to a text from her telling me to go get it and prove to the terf that I can be more of a woman than she ever is, and I replied with a big heart back to her, jumping out of bed to get ready. Walking from my car to the office, I truly felt great and when I bumped into Steph on the way in, she linked her arm with mine and we walked to our desks.

It didn’t take long for my supervisor to see me and I could see she was unhappy, even if I did what she wanted and I waited for the call to go and see her in private. But she didn’t call. I did get a text from Luke telling me not only did I look great, but I also played her at her own game, and he was hoping to take the hot girl in a suit out for lunch.

How could I say no?

Back from lunch, there was a note on my desk asking to go to the office managers office, and now I was ready for a fight, making my way over there, arms folded and ready for a fight. I wasn’t breaking the dress code, there was nothing saying I wasn’t allowed to wear high heels or make up, and I was in a suit just like she asked, so I knocked on the door like a girl ready for action, and opened it without waiting for an answer.

“Oh.” I said.

I wasn’t expecting to see the CEO sitting in front of the office managers desk, chatting to him about me I guess. He stood up, held out his hand and said, “Becca, I am so pleased to meet you, I’ve only heard great things about you. Please take a seat.”

OK, this isn’t what I expected. Both of them are smiling at me as I sit down, feeling caught off guard. They both start speaking at once making it really hard to follow what they are saying, but I heard both say ‘sorry’ at least twice. The CEO tells the office manager to speak to first, and it seems he had a lot of complaints about my supervisors behaviour towards me and she is being replaced while she has been sent for more inclusivity training with the option to resign if she can’t live up to the companies values. They didn’t tell me if her behaviour led to disciplinary action, that wouldn't be fair to anyone, but they expect her to treat everyone fairly.

And then they offered me her role in the meantime on a trial basis. I was completely dumbstruck, and struggled to put two words together that made sense, making the CEO laugh and tell me I had a week to decide if I wanted it.

Then he said, “Here’s an important question, what name should we use on the new contract? There’s no record of a name change in your file.”

I told them I have only just started the official process and not got round to it yet, and he took out his phone, made a call and asked someone to come down to see us. He was offering one of the companies lawyers to do the paperwork to get it all started today at no charge, as an apology for what happened, but also as he really wanted me to know that he is an ally.

I was shocked, and a hour later went back to my desk and just sat there quietly. Steph was a bit worried as I didn’t want to talk about it too much just yet, I needed to process everything. Finally, I asked her to go to the toilet so we could talked, and once I told her she squealed in delight, hugging me and saying she wanted to be the first person to give an official hello to Becca. Of course her squeal brought a couple of the other girls in and I told them, and we had a funny little celebration in the there before going back to my desk. I got another text from Luke asking me if everything was ok, and I told him. It felt like ten seconds after hitting send, he was at my desk and gaving me a hug. Steph of course mimed a blow job behind his back.

And then he broke my heart. “I need to go away for a couple of days tomorrow for work, but we will celebrate on Friday. Deal?”

I nodded, and he gave me a quick kiss on the lips. In the office. In front of everyone. And I just agreed to a date with him in front of everyone. My face felt like it was on fire, and I looked to Steph who said, “You need a killer dress for Friday.”

The next day I was me at work, all Becca and no one gave me a second look, well, they did according to Steph, but not because I was now officially a woman who was desperately trying to get all my records updated, but because she said I looked not only great, I looked happy. Even seeing Jamie at work didn’t upset me, but I was with the girls and they all went quiet when he walked past us, turning back to look me and we all burst out laughing.

There’s no better revenge on a man who did the dirty on you, than all your girlfriends laughing at him.

After work I went shopping with Steph, looking for not just the dress, but also the shoes, I knew I wanted to look amazing for Luke, but also I wanted to feel great for me. Of course we were texting and speaking to each other all week, I just wanted him to know everything I was doing, including accepting the new job. I can always say I don't want it anymore at the end of trial period, but one thing I did say is that I wouldn’t take the office, preferring to work on the floor with those on my team. It felt a lot fairer on everyone.

And that allowed me to keep my mind on my Friday night date, my first official date with Luke. He had booked a table at a really fancy restaurant, but then on the day told me that his train didn’t get back until just before we’re due to arrive. When I told Steph, a big smile came over her face and she told me to tell him to meet me there, and I remembered what I would be wearing and I had to agree with it.

Arriving at the restaurant, I felt great walking in being led to the table, taking my seat and ordering a glass of wine while I waited, Luke did text to say a taxi was taking him home to drop of his bags and should be with me in ten minutes. I saw the cab pull up outside and got myself ready, posing for him the moment he walked through the door, adjusting my dress and looking across at the door.

Luke walked in, looked around and when he saw me, well, I could tell he liked what he saw.

I think he’s a keeper.

The End.

Hannah was waiting for me the moment I walked out of work, and she followed me in her car as I drove home, insisting on being the one who took me shopping. Once we got to the shop, the idea was that she would pick things out that would be suitable for a young teenager to wear to a party, so there I was shopping for the other me, and trying to visualise how I would look in things. Hannah settled on a blue dress which I thought looked very short and very tight, but she insisted it would look perfect as she had been doing some research. I felt both excited about clothes, and also extremely out of place, but when I paid for the dress Hannah just said I was buying for my non-existence daughter, so I just played along. At least I didn't need to fake feeling nervous. We then went to a shoe shop, then another shoe shop, and then another before going back to the first and picking up a pair of white platform trainers, telling me to trust her. After that we went to Starbucks to get a coffee and sat outside, then Hannah dropped a big bombshell on me. She said, “So, now we’re going to get you some lingerie.” And I reminded her that it wasn’t for me so much, but other me, and she waved that away telling me it was the same thing. This time I really wasn’t sure with what she picked, but she insisted and when I paid for them I tried to make myself look like someone buying them for their girlfriend and getting help. At least they looked way too old for the other me, or I would have been arrested!

I got the bus to work on Friday as Anita was taking me to Mary’s this time as she wanted to meet the teenage me. The change was completely routine by now, and once again I found myself wondering why I didn’t just say no to this, but really, I was having fun, it was like living a second life, an immersive halloween costume. Once changed and in a denim mini skirt and vest top, I spent the evening talking to Anita about the wedding and found myself getting really excited about being a bridesmaid, the whole reason I was doing this. We looked at wedding websites and through magazines she had picked up, we even discussed the fabric of the table cloths and I even found that interesting. Anita headed home about 9pm, and Mary had gone out to see some friends so I was by myself, and decided to take a load of photos, until I felt tired and went to bed, scrolling through instagram. The morning came soon enough and I had breakfast with Mary before Hannah came over with my shopping and a couple of other bags. It turned out I was getting some lessons in makeup, and I told Hannah she must let me pay for this, but she waved my concerns away saying this was cheap stuff for now that is good for learning, so for the next few hours I was putting make up on, cleaning it all off, starting all over again. After we stopped for lunch, it was back to it and Hannah said while I wasn’t yet very good, I was good enough and understood enough to be able to make repairs as needed and then it was only how to look after my hair beyond just brushing it. Next she handed me a razor and told me to take a bath. As I was shaving my legs, she sat on the floor next to the bath chatting to me. Once I had finished my legs and had made sure my armpits were smooth as well, she then asked me if I wanted to be completely smooth.

Did I want to be that smooth? I looked down and there wasn’t exactly a lot down there, but she shrugged and I decided to do it. I had to stand up in the bath for this and while I was tidying up my work, it occurred to me I was once again completely naked in front of her. I looked up as she stood up, went over to the toilet, lifted the top and pulled down her jeans and pants as she sat down to pee. With her stream making noise, she said to me, “You know, I really like you as a girl. I know my mum always hoped you would get together with either me or Anita, at least once upon a time anyway, but I think you’re a really nice girl and while you’re very pretty right now, you will be a heartbreaker next weekend for sure!” I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about that, but then I remembered why I was shaving down here so it was very much a wait and see thought really.

After moisturising and a bite to eat wrapped in a huge fluffy bath robe (which I really loved against my naked skin, I must get one of these), Hannah and me went back upstairs to help get me ready. I slipped off the robe, and she handed me a black lacy thong, no, my black lacy thong. I had paid for this, for me to wear. These are my clothes I’m putting on. The thong felt great sliding up my legs, but felt even better once I was wearing it. The matching bra went on next and now it felt second nature to do it up behind my back, as Hannah pointed me to the dresser and my make up. She was going to supervise to make sure I made no mistakes, and I have to say I felt I looked good, and the pretty girl in the mirror I had become smiled back at me. Next I stepped into the dress and pulled it up, feeling the tightness of it hugging me as I slipped my arms into place, wondering how I was going to zip the back up. Hannah went to help me, but I wanted to struggle with it, feeling that I needed to learn how, just in case it came off later. Finally it was up and I looked in the full length mirror to see myself, and what I saw was a short dress that I had pulled up and exposed my underwear making me rapidly tug it down, blushing and giggling with Hannah. All she said was, “And let that be a warning to you later.” And I got the point; no dancing with hands waving in the air. Putting on some ankle socks before the trainers, and I was ready, so we went downstairs, with Hannah doing a ‘ta-daaaa’ showing me off to Mary. I could tell she didn’t approve of the look, but I think she got that as a teenager this is what we wear. A small matching handbag with a few things in it from Hannah such as my makeup and I headed to the party. At the door I opened it to check my lipstick, and saw that there were two tampons in there, along with a condom. I think I blushed with excitement as the door opened.

—————————

The next day I woke up a bit later than usual, but I didn’t exactly get home late, I kept to my curfew from Mary and the party wasn't really a party, just about 15 kids having a get together with the parents permission while they were out and I was quite overdressed. I got up and went to the bathroom, pulled down my pyjama shorts and had a pee, wishing I hadn't glanced down as there was blood on them. I think I just sat there for half an hour, wondering what to do before I got a hold of myself. Ok, I thought, you’re a girl and like all girls you have periods, get over it and sort yourself out. So I jumped in the shower, dried myself carefully to try and not get any blood on the towels and with a wad of toilet paper between my legs went back to Hannah’s bedroom for my handbag. I took a tampon out and looked at it, wishing I had some kind of instruction, so I picked up my phone to google it. Five minutes later I had a string hanging out of me as I started to get dressed to go down for breakfast and tell Mary. I don’t know why I felt so embarrassed telling her, but she just nodded, told me to make a note of the day, and then reminded me this meant I couldn't change back today, I was stuck as a girl until I finished the period. This really worried me as how could I call in sick to work? I certainly couldn't go in as I was, for a start I was too young for a full time job! Mary was wonderful, she calmed me down, picked up the phone and rang both Anita and Hannah, who both arrived within thirty minutes, who both gave me a big hug, and strangely looked really happy for me, telling me I was a woman now etc, etc. I think most of it washed over my head, but Anita told me not to worry about work, her and Hannah had already come up with a plan, especially as I couldn't stay here for a few days as the other kids on the street would wonder what was going on and I would need to explain more. I was going to stay with Hannah, she has a box room with a single bed in it that would do for me, but I asked again about work.

Anita said, “Oh, that’s easy, you’ve both got Norovirus, I can tell them you’re at hers both in isolation and too sick to make any calls.” So an hour and a lot of gynaecological talk later, I packed a small bag of clothes and headed to Hannah’s as she had two weeks off work before she started her new job at the same place me and Anita work. Once at hers, she gave me a pair of leggings and a big jumper to wear, sat me down on the sofa and gave me a spoon and chocolate ice cream as she cuddled up next to me. We started talking about periods in a very different way to what I have ever done before, working out what symptoms we have, for her it was mild cramps and headaches, for me some mild cramps and extreme horniness! We realised that as although I was curious about having sex with Clive, it turns out that Friday and Saturday, her mum, Anita and herself thought I was looking at every boy I saw as if I wanted to jump them and to be honest I was. I was literally on heat and just wanted to ride everyone. At the party I literally was dripping, well, almost literally, but when Clive put his fingers in me he knew how turned on I was. I confessed to Hannah that I was a bit stupid and both times we had sex together I didn’t want him to put a condom on, I wanted to feel every moment of it, and she told me I was lucky I was starting my period as it can still happen on the first time. I was really blushing here, I think it was shame but it could also have been a trailer on the TV for football and the men running around as I found myself once again thinking lots of things that I didn’t mind thinking about so much right now. Hannah nudged me and said, “Chocolate ice cream isn’t as good as sex, but it’s almost as good. Eat up.” I went to bed feeling bloated from the half litre of Belgian chocolate ice cream, but it could have been my period, I just didn’t have enough Information about it yet.

—————

I woke up to a text from Anita that she had told work and they hoped I felt better soon, but not to come back and infect anyone this week. Cool, week off! I padded into the bathroom and had a shower, swapped the panty liner I’d used overnight for a tampon and looked at my limited teenager clothes, once again settling for a vest top and denim skirt. Hannah was awake and eating some toast, telling me that as I wasn’t really a teenager I could make my own. I pretended to throw a teenage hissy fit, but we were both laughing to much from it, but I had to stop as my sides were hurting. While waiting for the toast to pop, I said, “So as you’re the responsible adult today, what’s the plan?” And she rolled her eyes. It was a full spring clean of her flat, and a chat about how long this might last for me. Hopefully it will only last three days, so the day after tomorrow I could change back, but tomorrow we were going shopping with one intention; find out how I wanted to look next weekend, or at least pick a body shape for me in other words. In the evening I was shattered but strangely content, we had cleaned from top to bottom and just chatted all day. I don’t even think we stopped talking once and she kept telling me she had to remind herself I wasn't really 14 or 15, but older and every time she said it I hugged her. The next morning I had a laundry crisis as there was no point buying me a lot of underwear, so I put on the freshly laundered lingerie as that was the one set that we did clean. Even with the tampon string hanging out of me, it did make me feel nice and we headed out, both in our jeans and me in her big jumper as we got in her car for a day in London. We only drove as far as Richmond, getting the train the last part, and Hannah wanted to me find someone who’s body shape I liked as that was who I would base my final look on. It would also serve to help them start ordering the bridesmaid dress for me before the final fitting.

We did some sightseeing, went on the London Eye which was a bit boring but did also tell me I wasn’t quite as horny as I had been as Hannah pointed out I didn’t drool at guys anymore, well, not all of them anyway, but she did say I would get it under control so maybe it was that I was just getting used to it. In Oxford street we were trying on clothes in the changing area and I did enjoy pulling back the curtain and stepping out to walk up and down looking at myself in the mirror, making me feel like I was a runway model. A young woman, about 20 years old came out and we walked up and down the little corridor together, arms linked and giggling away. She looked absolutely amazing and Hannah saw me check her out. I think she knew before I did at that point, but I gushed over her, saying how beautiful she was and how the dress she was wearing looked amazing on her. She said to me, “Oh my god, you’re so nice and so pretty yourself, you look great too!” And gave me a hug. I looked across at Hannah and with her eyes she asked me and I nodded. I introduced Hannah as my aunt, but told the beautiful woman she thinks she is the cool aunt and I let her think that too. We all giggled away and talked about our day before she had to leave, dropping the clothes she had been trying on at the rack. I walked over and picked up the dress she wore on our little catwalk together, a mid thigh stretchy dress that had buttons the full length with short little sleeves, and a bikini as well. I turned to Hannah and said, “We’re buying these!” I stopped at a cashpoint to take some money out to give to Hannah to cover not just the clothes, but also to help pay for the day but she didn’t want it. I insisted and this time I felt like I was really about to have a hissy fit! She calmed me down and we sat on a bench, telling me that at this point, her mum was covering all the expenses, and that despite the modest suburban detached house, her mum had a lot more money than her and Anita had realised. On the way back that gave me quite a lot to think about, not just the medallion and magic thing, but something else had occurred to me that I might need to ask Mary about. But today I was just enjoying myself and wondering how I would finally look.

The next morning, Wednesday, Mary came round and we told her about the beautiful woman, the dress and the bikini and she asked if I was ‘still bleeding’? I said I didn’t think so, and quickly went to check the tampon I put in when I woke up and it was clean. So I changed into a robe, the medallion was laid around my next and the dress was brushed against it and we waited. The really strange thing here is I never said I needed to change back to the male me, I think I wanted this next step. Mary said it was a good thing that this was for a younger woman as this would mean I get a bit longer for the next stage of my acclimatisation. Once the change was complete Mary then started to make ‘adjustments’ as she called it. First with the bikini bottoms and top against the medallion and those two changes I felt instantly rather than a slow change. I felt my butt lift up and my waist come in a bit further, then the bikini top and I felt my breasts lift and become perkier, literally perkier, and maybe a bit smaller. As Mary said the default change is me as a woman, everything else now is minor adjustments. I looked at my feet and Hannah pulled out a pair of heels, then one of them was brushed against the medallion and I watched my feet shrink a little, with Hannah saying I was now a UK size 5 like her, so at least I can borrow her shoes. I picked up the dress and went to her bedroom, dropping the robe as I closed the door. I needed to look at myself before I went back out to them in the dress and in the full length mirror I saw an older version of the teenage girl me looking back, maybe about 20 years old now giving me small steps as I literally grow up as a woman, still with long hair but looking a bit fuller now, still smooth all over and with a body that was as much killer as the beautiful woman I modelled it on and still smooth all over so no need to shave anything again just yet. I turned this way and that, trying to see as much of me as I could before I picked up the dress and put it on, buttoning it up from my waist to my cleavage. I took another look at myself, then went out to see Mary and Hannah.

The first thing Mary said was that I should wear something underneath it, and the first thing Hannah did was undo the top and bottom button of the dress, telling me it looks better that way. Mary had to leave but told me to remember the order this was done in, and Hannah said to me, “OK, this time you can pay for the clothes you buy. Let me get you a pair of shoes and we’ll be off.” She stopped and looked at me, “Wait, first we need to measure you so we know what to buy. So I stood there as she got a tape measure and took my measurements, asking me how tall I thought I was now. I still wasn’t anywhere near my original 6 foot 2, but also not as tall as her 5’10”, so I guessed I was five foot seven inches tall, and she nodded saying that seems about right, and is a good height as I can wear three inch heels and still be shorter than my date. She finished measuring me and handed me a piece of paper, telling me to memorise it, I was 32B, 23, 33, or as Hannah called me a skinny bitch, but both her and Anita liked this skinny bitch so not to worry. She headed off to get me a pair of shoes to match the dress and I pointed out I wasn’t wearing any underwear. She handed me a pair of ankle boots with a one inch heel, saying, “You’re not borrowing mine, suck it up until you can pop to the loo to put some knickers on!” I sat down to put the boots on, and she reminded me to keep my knees together, and I thought in this dress with nothing on under that won’t be a problem as I asked her what name I should be called. She said, “Mum said to call you Sofia. Hang on.” And she rummaged in her bag handing me a note from her mum, saying I should use the name Sofia Lucas, a birthdate of 26th August 2002 and that I was a virgo. The last bit seemed strange, but then I suppose everyone knows it, even if they don’t believe it.

Shopping this time was about actually shopping and as I would need a lot we went to the mid range stores to keep the cost down. I only had what I had taken out of the bank and I didn’t want to raise any alarms and have them check cameras footage and see a woman using a man’s card and blocking it, so I just just used the contactless and pin. It’s not like anyone actually holds your bank card anymore to look at the name. The key things for me to buy were a few outfits and some shoes, make up, hair products, hair styling products and everything else a woman needs. You could say it was a woman starter kit. I wasn’t worried about money, my parents had died twenty years ago so I had plenty in the bank and owned my house outright, no living relatives apart from my sister but she had made it clear she had no interest in being own contact anymore as she had her own life. Considering how little social life the other me has, I don’t spend a lot and could easily take 20 years off work if I wanted to. The problem was it wasn’t in my name, Sofia’s or whatever name I end up using, it’s the other me so I needed to think about how to deal with that. Anyway, I hung my clothes up when we got back and we watched some Netflix, Sex/Life as she insisted it was good, but I think she wanted to see my reaction to that scene in the shower, you know the one. It’s a really nice scene, but didn’t scare me as much as Hannah said it did her. How about that, it seems I’m a size queen.

The following day Hannah was taking Mary out in the morning to a doctors appointment (it was nothing to worry about, just a check up and she needed a ride), and then we were meeting Anita for lunch. We stood outside the office and it was funny seeing people I knew walk out not recognising me, felt a little weird being checked out so much by men, and also women looking me up and down. At least they weren’t undressing me with their eyes, but I’ve worked closely with enough women to know that some can be catty, especially to a skinny bitch like me! I was wearing a pair of slightly over the knee flat boots with cute little tassels at the back, a short denim skirt, even if the pockets were useless for putting things in, at least I had somewhere to put my hands when standing about, and a light pink jumper that really wouldn't be any good in the cold as it was so thin, but I liked the long sleeves and how if I reached up it showed my flat stomach. Anita wasn’t too long and we headed off for a salad at the food court in the shopping mall, chatting away and Anita saying how good I looked, that I was surprisingly attractive and that Hannah had warned her I was a skinny bitch! We had a really nice time, just chatting and before long I truly felt like one of the girls with them. I was chatting away to Hannah about being a bridesmaid and what we had to do on the day as I’ve never been one before and Anita was looking at us both smiling when she suddenly looked up. She said, “Oh, hi Jack, how are you.” And I froze, salad fork almost in my mouth as I looked round slowly.

And there he was, my work wife, or is he now technically my work husband? No, he’s the other me’s work wife, Sofia is a stranger to him, I am a stranger to him. And yet he was looking at me, and I think I knew why. Anita said, “This is my sister Hannah and our friend Sofia.” Hannah said hello to him, and I felt nervous at seeing him, I don’t know why, he won’t recognise me, I mean I know I look a bit like the other me, but I’m a very different person to him in so many ways. I didn't really know what to say to him, so I said, “Hi, we’re both going to be bridesmaids to Anita.” And I smiled and he smiled back. Ok, this feels very different and I saw his eyes flick down and stay there for a bit making me blush. All I needed to do was bring my knees together but I didn’t, I kept them as they were, slightly apart as he said, “Cool, I’ve only got an invite to the evening rather than the full thing but I guess that means I will see you there.” I smiled back at him, feeling myself blush. He then turned back to Anita and asked how I was, or I mean the male me Andy. This could be so confusing, but I didn’t really feel like him right now, I was Sofia and I like being Sofia. In fact, I know I really need to think about that as Mary had warned me that first weekend, but right now I feel happy so I put it to the back of my mind. I looked back to Anita and she was still talking to Jack but he kept looking at me (and flicking his eyes down there), and Hannah to keep us in the conversation while Anita said Andy was still ill, but not as bad as before. As I looked at him I was playing with my hair and thinking he was actually quite good looking, not a bad body really and I laughed at his little jokes. With one last look at each of us, and again a look between my knees he said goodbye to us, heading back to work. I watched him walk off and looked back at my friends, who both staring at me with knowing smiles. “What?” I said. Anita spoke first, “You were so flirting with him!” Hannah said, “My god girl, being a skinny bitch is fine, but do you have to flash your knickers at every good looking guy?” I said I wasn’t, it was just a surprise seeing him through these eyes made me think how good looking he was. Then Anita said something that really shook me to the core, “You do realise he will expect to see you at the wedding now, meaning you will be Sofia, a 20 year old young woman?” I stopped to think about that, and I was ok with this. I liked how I looked, I liked how I felt and this felt right. Was it because I was a different person, I mean, I now seem to like guys which really doesn’t bother me at all, but this just felt right, it felt nice.

I said to her, “Are you ok with Sofia being your bridesmaid?” She looked at me seriously and I genuinely thought I had made her angry, but with a smile she took my hand telling she would be happy to have me as her bridesmaid, and Hannah took my other hand and smiled. Then Hannah said, “But seriously, you need to stop flashing your knickers at men.” I blushed to my core and said, “Remember what you said to me yesterday when we went shopping?” And Hannah nodded but Anita looked at us waiting for an explanation as Hannah nodded again. I looked at Anita, telling her, “I need to learn something quickly, and I probably would have sat very differently if it wasn’t for something she said. I’m trying to learn to keep my legs together so I’m not wearing any underwear.” Anita’s head rolled back and she burst out laughing, finally saying, “Girl, we need to get you under control or every party you go to you’ll be under another Clive.” I was mortified, but then, girls talk and I’m just another girl today. They both looked at each other, then at me, saying together, “Skinny bitch!” And we all giggled. This really does feel right.

Anita headed back to work and Hannah suggested I go shopping by myself to see what I liked without anyone else trying to get me to wear certain things, and that sounded like a good plan. Looking around the shops the choice of clothes was so much more than I had ever had to deal with, but before long I started to understand why us girls spend so much time shopping; we need to! After an hour or so I still hadn't actually brought anything, but must have tried on a hundred different outfits and taken even more photos. I picked out a white figure hugging jumper dress, yet another LBD, a light summer dress and a dress with lots of cutouts that I thought would be great for clubbing, even though I don't have an ID yet. The changing rooms in this shop were actually unisex which when I was the old me I was always worried about as I didn't want women to think I was perving on them, and today I decided to head for the one of the cubicles at the end. Plus it was close to the big mirror. I chose the second to last walking past a few that were occupied but most were empty. After taking off my clothes I looked at myself in the mirror in there, admiring my body once again, and then I picked up my phone, adding a few more photos that would never be shared with anyone! Still, I looked good. I slipped on the jumper dress and it came to mid thigh and seemed to work well with my knee high boots. I went out to look in the other mirror with different lighting, admiring myself and deciding to buy this, my first purchase of the day. A woman stepped into the corridor between the cubicles and pointed towards them as I stepped back into mine, looking at myself in the mirror again. As I reached out to close the curtain a very handsome man walked past and went to the last cubicle on the opposite side to me and I found myself watching him. He hung some trousers and shirts up then turned around and saw me looking at him. Ok, I was in a bit of a trance I think as he was really handsome, but he smiled at me, and I smiled back. Then to my eternal embarrassment I gave him a little wave and he made a silent laugh and waved back. I motioned at what I was wearing and gave a small twirl and then looked at him asking with my eyes how I looked. He smiled, nodded and gave a thumbs up, so with a smile I gave him a curtsy, then I think the devil on my shoulder must have whispered something to me, as I started to take the dress off while looking at him. I gave a little bounce, turned around and picked up the hanger to hang it up, bending at the waist with my bum towards him. I hung it up and looked back at him and he was still looking at me, but standing still this time and I thought maybe I’ve gone too far. But he shook his head a little, mouthed ‘wow’ at me and I smiled and curtsied again. He was still looking at me so I picked up the LBD and the summer dress holding each up against myself and he pointed to the summer dress, making that the next thing to try on.

I stopped and looked up at him he still standing there watching me, and I pointed to one of the pair of trousers, he nodded a ‘that’s fair’ type of nod then started to take off his shirt as I took my time with the dress. It was my turn to watch him. The shirt was off and he had a good body, not sculpted, but good, as he kicked his shoes off and undid his trousers dropping them. Not a bad bulge going on there either I thought as he hung them up, turning back to look at me. I looked him up and down and made a ‘I don’t know’ sign as I pointed at the socks still on his feet, making him smile and take them off. Ok, not a bad body at all, but again I made the ‘I don’t know’ sign with my hand and he looked confused and maybe a little hurt, so motioned to my naked body with my hands pointed at his calvins. He looked back at me, clearly nervous so I put a hand on my hip, clearly insisting on fair play here. Slowly he hooked a thumb in the waistband each side and slid them down his legs, very embarrassed as he kicked them to the side and stood there as naked as I was. I gave him an appreciative nod as I admired his semi erect penis, then put my hand to my chin as if I was being thoughtful, then with my other hand made a ‘lift up’ motion. He smiled at that and with his eyes asked me if I wanted to see that, so I once again turned around, bending over at the waist before I looked back at him. I’d given him a show, now it was his turn.

He turned to face me and just looked at me and I saw some movement in it, some swelling and I got to watch it grow until it was rock hard and pointing up, so I gave him a thumbs up this time, making him laugh. Throughout this, we could hear people come and go from the changing area, but as we were at the far end no one could see us or came down. I leant my head out to check no one was there, took hold of the curtain and stepped out, pulling it shut behind me as I walked across the aisle to him, closing his curtain behind us as I kissed him hard and he kissed me back, my boobs squashed by him body and his erection pressing into my stomach. He was at least four inches taller than me I thought as we separated, my hand going straight for his cock and wrapping around it and he sighed, My god, it was so hard and soft at the same time and I had no idea how long we had but now I was a woman I wanted a man and here one was in my hand. I dropped to my knees, tasting him, licking him and thinking how great this was, so much better than the two wet fumbles with Clive, this was a man who knew what he wanted and I knew I wanted him so I stood up, lifting a leg and guiding him to me as he moved forward and slide in. Now it was my turn to sigh and I tried to keep the noise down as I kissed him again and we made love slowly, not a word passing between us.

A woman called out “Darling?” He froze inside me and stopped kissing me. I looked at his hand and for the first time saw he was wearing a wedding ring, but screw I thought, I’m not the one cheating here and wrapped my leg around him to stop him from pulling out of me. He replied to the woman, “I’ll be out in a minute.” And I stifled a giggle and gave him a squeeze with my vagina making him close his eyes and stifle a sigh. The woman replied, “That’s ok, I’m heading over to look at the make up, meet me there.” He started moving mack and forwards inside me and he said ok to the woman and I guess it must have been the erotic nature of what were doing but he came shortly after, pumping into me over and over again. Wow! This is amazing and I hope that now I really am a woman every man is as good as he is, plus I was so close to having an orgasm myself, I was almost satisfied, but definitely feeling very good. Now we had come down from the high of sex, we kissed much more gently, still with passion but now passion satisfied. He was about to say something but I shook my head and put a finger to my lips, I didn’t want to spoil this and he slowly pulled out of me, but I pulled him back in for one last time feeling all of him in me and we kissed again. This time I let him pull out. We stood there naked looking at each other, him with a penis covered in our juices and me with a slickness between my legs. I looked out into the aisle, turned back giving him a kiss on the cheek and ran back to my cubicle pulling the curtain shut, leaning against the wall as I got my breath back.

After I had brought the jumper and summer dress I decided to pop down to the make up area, just to see if I could see his wife out of some weird curiosity I guess. I managed to pick up some foundation and eye shadow that one of the people who worked there recommended for my skin tone and decided to get a cab back to Hannah’s, not seeing either him or his wife. As I walked to the cab rank I passed a pharmacy and the slickness between my legs made me think of something so I popped in for the morning after pill, just to be on the safe side, finding out at the same time that Sofia Lucas also has a medical record, so that’s another thing I need to ask Mary about. I never told Hannah or Anita about that hook up, out at least not straight away I mean, it was a really slutty thing to do and I’m still learning how women interact with each over of these kinds of things. The rest of the week was kinda quiet really, and I just hung out with Hannah and sometimes Anita when she had time, till Sunday afternoon I got a cab round to Mary’s so I could change back and sort out everything the male me needed for work next week. There were a couple of questions I needed to ask her so once the change had started I said, “Mary, there’s a couple of things you said I wanted to ask about?” She told me I could ask her anything so I began….

Two hours later I headed home with a lot to think about and wondering if my jaw had ever dropped as low as it had. It’s not my story to tell, but I will say I left with a whole new perspective on this, as well as a collection of official and more importantly, legal documents for the 20 year old Sofia Lucas including GCSE certificates, a national insurance number and a just about to go out of date passport. But also one other thing. In a small leather pouch I was now the owner of the Medallion of Zulo to use as I wish, all because my questions to Mary had proved to her I fully understood that while it is a blessing to many, it can also be a curse to the owner if they don’t use it intelligently and also wisely.

The next week at work was a bit of a come down really, everything just felt so drab and I think Anita knew I was feeling a bit down when he had our lunch time coffee. Finally she asked me to open up. I told her, “Everything just feels so different and strange now. The last week was great, but these clothes just feel so rough on me now, I miss having longer hair, everything just feels plain.” She put her hand on mine and told me that two days ago I would have found it much easier to speak to her and that while she can never really know what it feels like, she did appreciate everything I was doing for her. But to be honest with myself, while it started that way I was now doing it for me now not her. As we headed back to work I finally told her the one thing I wanted to say but wasn’t sure how to, that her mum had given the medallion to me. She looked at me and went very quiet, nodded but said nothing else about it. That afternoon while pretending to work I did a lot of thinking and a bit of searching online, basically I was looking for a furnished flat that Sofia could live in. Mary suggested I start to think of her as someone I’m trying to help and I picked one I liked, sending them an email to arrange a viewing later in the week. I also arrange to take a week off from work in a couple of weeks as I had loads of leave to use up, I needed to be Sofia more, not like it was a drug, but because she was becoming a very Important part of me. Plus I needed to scratch an itch to really get it out of my system, so that evening Sofia went shopping and along with make up and buying myself a pair of heels to learn how to walk in them, I also brought two boxes of 12 condoms and looked for a hotel somewhere I can, well, have some fun in! In the morning I changed back into him to go to work, but each evening that week I was back as Sofia who was very rapidly becoming who I was thinking of myself as now, and he was just a cover.

Having all of the official and legal documents for myself now, I did a little searching and managed to find an old bank account and started the process of reclaiming it, which of course included a visit to the bank to sign some papers and prove who I was. I was concerned about the photo in the passport, but as Mary said a 14 year old looks very different to a 20 year old, and there was enough similarities for me to not worry, so long as I made sure I was wearing make up. It worked and as for my official address, at the moment I was still using Mary’s address so everything was going to be sent there and I was able to pay a cheque to Sofia that I wrote for myself which helped to move things along. I would start to transfer more money later, but for now at least it was a good start. On the Tuesday though I decided to go to the gym, so I slipped on my leggings and sports bra top, a pair of trainers I had picked up and as I walked through the door typing in the number I found myself thinking I wonder what they would think if they looked at the account and wondered why a 38 year old man added a 20 year old woman to his account. Anyway, my focus was on trying to find out just how strong I was now, rather than a proper work out, so I tried out the machines to see what I could do. I was acutely aware of being checked out by men as I walked around, and looking at myself in the wall mirror I knew why, hoping I was never as blatant as some of the men here when I checked out women. When I finished my kind of work out, I did some stretching to warm down and found out I was very flexible. I was able to lay my boobs flat on my legs when bending over, wrapping my arms around my legs to hold myself there. I really wish I had done that sitting on the floor as when I looked it the wall mirror I could see my bum plus camel toe and also quite a few men looking at me! Standing up and blushing furiously, I was a lot more attentive of what I was doing as I stretched, while also finding out I can do the box splits, making a mental note to never do any stretching in the gym again. I practically ran out to get away from the looks the men in there were giving me who not so much mentally undressing me but mentally ravishing me!

As I got to the door, a man turned back to look at me and it was Jack from work! I was so surprised I almost called out his name but he did a double take and said mine, “Sofia! How are you?” I pretended to be confused, so he reminded me we met the other day and so and I said hello back, asking how he was as we both walked out to the carpark. Of course, I didn’t have a car here and needed to call a cab so did that quickly to stop him offering me a lift, which he of course tried to do anyway. He offered to stay with me till the cab got here, and I explained how thankful I was for that seeing the way the men in there were staring at me. He said, “Well, to be fair you do look great.” And I looked down at myself thinking more clearly about how I was dressed. He asked me about myself and I gave an abridged version of the cover story, but now with a bit more truth about how I lived for ten years in Santiago and going to school there before moving back and living in a few different places before moving back to where I was born. He told me a little about himself and it was funny, I had never really paid much attention to his life before but now I felt interested. As my cab arrived he offered to show me around the place and I found myself agreeing to it, in fact it turned out I was agreeing to a date with him the next evening, making me wonder what I should wear.

Of course, the following day at lunch I did tell Anita and she laughed asking if I wanted a double wedding with her, but I wanted to talk about how I’ve been sitting next to him all morning and felt nothing special about it, but I could feel that Sofia was excited about having a date. I made a decision that no matter what happens I would not have sex with him, that would just be too complicated, but as I got ready to go and meet him and started sorting out my handbag, I did look at the boxes of condoms thinking about it, but didn’t add one. I didn’t want Jack to come to mine, so I got a cab into town and saw him standing by the restaurant we were meeting at. I wore jeans and vest top, a cute little cardigan and ankle boots with a two inch block heel and it was a really nice evening. We chatted, by which I mean he was chatting me up, my research on some of the recent bands and also about Santiago was really useful but I didn’t feel bad about lying to him. He was literally just a practice date as far as I was concerned, I mean he is good looking and I expect I will have sex with him, but I didn’t feel the lust I first felt when I saw him, or the lust I felt for Clive and the fumbles we had. There was no electricity like there was a with my changing room man although with him of course that was a bit different, but this was just nice and enjoyable. Once again he waited with me for my cab, giving me a kiss on the cheek and home I went, although as I’m still waiting for some official ID I still couldn't have any alcohol.

In the morning I decided to change after I had showered rather than before as the water on my body felt so much nicer than on his, but I did arrive at work before Jack did. He came in with a huge smile on his face which actually creeped me (him) out, although I suspect Sofia would have liked to see it. Jack did finally tell me a bit about his date the night before and that was really strange, hearing him describe me to myself, but I could also see quite clearly what he thought about me. I really did feel like two people at this point. That evening after returning to being Sofia, I went to see Hannah and we went out for something to eat and I told her about my date with him and how we’re going out again on Saturday during the day, and I opened up to her about my plans for week off from work. She was a bit surprised, but her mum had told her that I would probably need to do something like this and it made sense to get it out of my system before the wedding. The following day I needed to stay as him after work as I needed to go and see Sofia’s flat and it was nice, a one bedroom with a balcony overlooking the water with an allocated parking space that will be useful as a safe space to leave my car. I started all the paperwork, arranging to pay the rent by direct debit and it took about two weeks before I could move Sofia in. Finally though it was Friday and I was looking forward to being able to be Sofia uninterrupted for a couple of days, but for Friday evening I didn’t want to do anything other than be me, by myself as I streamed something I didn’t really pay a lot of attention to. I think really I was more excited about finally getting a bank card in my name, and setting it up on my phone to be able to pay for Uber and things, and wondering what I will wear on my date.

In the end I went with the summer dress I picked up last week, a pair of white trainers and just plain cotton underwear. I really liked the dress as it felt so light on me, and really nice to wear. I just wore light make up with a nude lipstick as I didn’t want to send the wrong signals to Jack, but I ordered an Uber and making sure it would get me there a little late as I wanted him to wait. Jack really surprised me on the date, I expected him to want to drink in a pub, but instead he took me to a museum which the other me wouldn’t have been interested in, but I found it fun. I was probably more surprised that he had a car and went into the New Forest to a pub for lunch, followed by a walk looking at the ponies. I asked him to drop me off in town as I needed to pick up some ‘girl things’ and I think he knew enough not to ask. In the Uber going home I was wondering to myself why I agreed to another date with him tomorrow evening to go to the cinema. But tonight I was going to see Mary, where I would also meet Anita and her soon to be husband where I would officially be asked to be a bridesmaid. It was a really fun evening, and he just accepted that both Anita and Hannah babysat me in the past, how Mary had been keeping an eye on me, the cover story and everything when Anita ‘asked’ me in front of him. Before I even had a chance to try and pretend to be excited about it, Alexander said it was great idea and I realised I really was excited about me being a bridesmaid for her. I pretended to exchange numbers with Anita so we could make plans for it, but more importantly it meant Sofia was becoming more and more official, although considering I have documentation and a bank account it’s hard to see how much more official I could be.

Sunday I slept late and enjoyed laying in bed, although I must admit I also had a bit of fun exploring my body to find out what I like, with my mind constantly going back to the kiss Jack gave me as we said goodbye which was as close to pornographic as could be on a Saturday afternoon in public. Anyway, what I definitely liked was my new rabbit and wondering how many batteries I will need to get to keep it going. I had a very relaxing day after that before I started to get ready for my date. Getting in the Uber with some VS on under my white jumper dress and some heels I caught the driver looking at me, making me wonder if he could see my pink lingerie through the dress, but I had checked that very carefully before leaving. I guess I look like a girl about to go on a third date with a guy. Jack was waiting outside the cinema and kissed me hello, which I gladly accepted from him. Ok, I thought, I’m in trouble now, he’s smelling so nice and I can feel it in my thong that I want him. In the cinema when the lights went down we did kiss a bit, but I reminded him there were infra red cameras in here and his hand was up my dress, which calmed us down a bit. We held hands, we touched legs, we kissed a little more and as soon as the film was over he asked me if I wanted a drink? I looked him in the eye and said, “Do you have coffee at home?” He smiled, nodded and we walked to his car holding hands, saying nothing to each other. I don’t know what he was thinking, but I knew why I was being quiet, I was afraid of jumping him right then, and it almost happened once we got in his car, and I only stroked him a little so as not to end up dying in a crash with his cock in my hand! His place was small and ok, clean and kinda tidy, but the bed sheets were clean so he was expecting this and I guess based on my lingerie I was as well.

The next day was Monday and I got to work a few minutes late. I had stayed at Jack’s overnight and we made love again in the morning, giving me a walk of shame, or cab ride of shame in the Uber. My hair was a mess as he didn’t even have a comb, my dress was creased from being thrown on the floor and I didn’t find my lingerie. At least he had condoms so that was a plus. I showered at home as I changed back so probably smelt of nothing but sex in the uber, but finally I was ready to go to work. Jack was already there and smiling like a man who got laid. Of course, it was me who remembered everything we did, but he also told me about it in a hushed voice, telling me how hot Sofia is, how great she is in bed, how great she was this morning and that he even kept a trophy of her lingerie and hoped to get more next time he ‘fucked’ her. I was truly appalled about his behaviour, it was me, but also not me he was bragging about screwing, and I could remember every moment like when he fumbled with the condom in excitement and dropped it on the floor and was still going to put it on till I told him to get a new one. How the first time he barely lasted a minute and all the other little things that happen between couples, and while the male me felt nothing for him, I was angry for Sofia but had to pretend to be impressed by his ‘manliness’. I couldn't wait for lunchtime as I was meeting Hannah after her first day at work. She could tell I was upset, but as I was the male me she had to coax it out of me. She suggested I ask to move to a different team, but how would I explain that? Everything was so messed up and even with the warnings from Mary, I knew this part of the change was the curse of the medallion. I would just have to suck it all up. Ten minutes after being back at my desk and seeing Jack’s smug face and the dick pic he sent to Sofia at lunchtime I had enough. I didn’t need this job and neither does Sofia so I printed out a letter, put the few things from my desk I wanted to keep in my back pack, dropped the letter of with my manager and walked out. The letter said, ‘I quit, effective immediately’. I was going to change the moment I got in, but had to wait till the evening because I changed back this morning and that made me furious so I blocked Jack on both of my phones and opened some wine. Men are such pigs!

One good thing because of jack was I decided I waned to move on as Sofia, I felt more and more that’s who I was now and Mary was right about it happening. So the next day I started the process for selling my house and working out what I would keep and what I didn’t want, sorted out storage in Sofia’s name for what I would keep but not keep with me, and packed up some of my things. Not being part of a chain was a bonus and they expected things to move quickly, but I didn’t tell them I would take the first offer and moved Sofia’s clothes to the new flat with a small locked suitcase of some male clothes so I could change back in an emergency. I think I knew as soon as I became Sofia for the first time that this was going to happen, I would be her from now on, but how Jack behaved yesterday was really the final moment that confirmed it. If there were two sides to this coin I didn't want to be on his side anymore. I think Anita and Hannah knew as well as they only reached out to me on the Sofia phone, and I reassured them I was ok and would meet them after work. The estate agent came round to look at the house and we did the paperwork for that, with me insisting on contact by email, just in case I was Sofia and not able to speak, and drove to the new place with a couple of bags of my Sofia stuff, a couple of boxes of what I was keeping and then went to my soon to be old house to transfer more money to Sofia and I changed, finally feeling free.

As I walked to the coffee place to meet Anita and Hannah, I once again brought some earrings and hoping that the house will sell quickly so I can get my ears pierced without worrying about closing when I change back into to him. I talked them both through what happened with Jack and how frustrating it was sitting there listening to him brag about it, how glad I am that I quit as I didn’t really need it and that once I’ve sorted all of my old self’s stuff out, that was it, I was going to be Sofia from now on. I didn’t feel angry about him, I think I had just had enough of being the old me, I didn’t really have much of a life and what I did have I didn’t feel sad about giving it up. I had my two friends here and won’t feel like I’m trying to live two lives, now the old one’s only purpose was to make sure Sofia was going to be ok. Anita was quiet and not saying much, but I could see Hannah was excited, I think the time we had spent together I had been like a living doll for her to play with and now she was seeing that doll really come to life. Anita just said three words to me, “Are you sure?” I took a deep breath and nodded. She said, “Ok, I’m pleased for you. And to be honest you’re nicer like this, it’s like having a favourite little sister.” It took a second to realise what she had said, but Hannah beat me to it, saying, “Hey, I’m your little sister!” And I found myself covering my mouth as I laughed.

Anita drove the three of us to my new flat and I showed them around, pointing out this is just a stepping stone till I get something rented in my own name as I cut away from the old me, and explained to them what I was doing, and Anita phoned Alexander to say she would be having a takeaway at my place and would be back later. So we sat around, drinking wine and eating food as they made plans for the flat that didn’t really matter, but also telling me I needed to do a lot more shopping to get a wardrobe with more than about six complete outfits. And that was plan for the next couple of days, although I was getting the broadband connected tomorrow but decided to book that in my old name as well so it matched up with the flat. That evening was the thing that confirmed to me more than anything that I was making the right choice. With Anita in the past, while we had always been close there was always this underlying thing about our past where we liked each other at different times, but now I was seeing her in a new way. I could still see all the best parts of her that I saw before, but now I could see our friendship in a new light, that sometimes attraction had got in the way of us being real friends, now I felt closer to her and Hannah than I ever had in the past and I felt like I finally understood the real bonds of womanhood. I had hints off that with Chrissy, but this time I felt like they had my back 100% and I had theirs. Later I found out that Jack had his invite to the wedding rescinded, but by then I didn't care if I saw him or not. To be honest I would have loved to had the chance to blank him, but I didn’t care enough; he served his purpose and that was enough for me.

The next day I completely forget about the broadband so woke up to someone knocking on the door and answered it in my fluffy bathrobe to see a man standing there. He asked for the other me and I realised what he wanted so said he was out but to come in and fit everything. Sorry if you’re expecting some kind of penthouse forum thing here, I offered him a cup of tea but he declined saying this won’t take long and half an hour later he was on his way and I was back online. I rang Mary to check if she was free and popped round as I need her help with something, stopping on the way to get my photo taken in a booth and explained my problem. I needed photo ID, but had no idea what to do. She was on it and half an hour later I had all the forms signed by everyone I needed to prove who I was. I had no idea how she managed to convince two people to countersign my forms, but she touched her nose to tell me not to ask so I didn’t. After the things she told me the other day I shouldn't have been surprised really. Mary dropped me in town so I could go shopping and the first thing I needed was a coffee so headed to Starbucks. I felt like the day had already been crazy and rushing around everywhere that I needed to sit down and relax with a coffee and waited at the other end of the counter. When they called my name they also called a man for his order and we both walked forward to collect it. As I reached out for it I glanced at the man and it was my changing room man! We locked eyes and I think we were both surprised to see each other. He nodded a hello at me and picked up his cup and I picked up mine, turning to see where I could sit. We had both ordered in so were both looking for somewhere to sit, but it was busy. Two people got up from a small table and me and changing room man looked at each other. I said, “Hi, I’m Sofia, we don’t have to to talk if we both sit there.” He smiled and still said nothing, just nodding and we walked over. I took my phone out and started reading the news on my phone and he did the same.

I was sneaking looks at him and I think he must have been doing the same to me but I never caught him looking so can’t know for sure. After a coupe of minutes I looked up at him and waited till he looked at me, saying when did, “I can’t believe you’re not saying anything!” He smiled and said, “You told me to be quiet.” And once again I was covering my mouth laughing. We started chatting and I found out his name, Ed, short for Edward, what he did for a living and so on, really just a lot of small talk for long enough for us to finish our coffees and decide to get another one. There was no flirting, no chatting each other up, just chatting. It was funny really as if we hadn’t had sex together I doubt I would have talked to him, but despite him being very good looking, this was just like it is when you start a new job and get to know your new workmates. It really did feel like that. When we had almost finished the second coffee, I decided to be the grown up in the room and say, “I’m really sorry about what happened, I’m not like that normally.” And he said I didn’t need to worry but that he did need to thank me. I just gave him a look that said ‘oh really?’ And he smiled saying, “No, not for that, although yes, thank you for that. What I mean is it helped me realise something. My wife and I had been going through a rough time for a while and I confessed everything to her and that it was over. I wouldn't have, shall we say, been a willing participant with you if the marriage was still good, so I knew it was over with her for sure. She took it even better than I expected as she had been feeling the same and has been wanting to start dating someone she works with but didn’t as we’re married. So we’re getting a no blame divorce and the paperwork is already in and were officially separated.” I was speechless, I really didn’t know what to say and just said I’m sorry, but he again said I had nothing to be sorry about, that I had done nothing wrong and it turned out the wrong thing he did led to him doing the right thing. I was genuinely touched but I did say there was one thing I was worried about and that was needing to get the morning after pill and he told me I didn't need to worry about that either as he had a vasectomy a long time ago as neither he nor his wife wanted kids. Once again I was speechless.

After we had both left I felt a lot better about the experience with Ed, it turned out it was an even more positive moment for him than it was me and I felt even more content while shopping. In fact the day was really good as in the evening I had an email from the estate agent with an offer on the house that I accepted immediately. I then said ‘shit!’ As it meant tomorrow I had to change back to deal with all that stuff. Thankfully It was an easy enough thing to deal with, get some movers to move all my stuff and find a solicitor to handle everyone and giving them the power to do it and to pay the money direct to my Sofia account as at least then if I’m asked I can just say it’s an inheritance and the problem is solved. I was back to being Sofia within 24 hours and happy again, but also wondering what to do with myself during the day, so I needed a longer term plan as well, besides signing up to a couple of dating sites. I did finally make an instagram account using the many photos and selfies I had taken over the last couple of weeks, including some of me as a 10 year old and a teenager as throwback photos. Hannah and Anita were my first followers though and it was nice to be able to connect again, and also a great way to get outfit ideas for while I was shopping, and I have to admit I did copy quite a few other women from there.

One thing that was funny over the next few weeks is I kept having coffee with Ed, not arranging to have one with him, but us both being there at the same time and we slowly started to become friends, kinda like the friends you make at work. I mean, we weren’t planning on meeting up or arranging anything beyond bumping into each other for a coffee, but I was always happy to see him there. Until one day about four weeks later when I saw him sitting with a woman as I ordered my coffee. I was going to sit elsewhere but he waved me over and introduced me to his soon to be ex wife. I was gobsmacked and didn't know what to say, but she invited me to sit down. I smoothed my skirt out as I sat, pleased that today I had dressed conservatively and his almost ex wife said, “So this is your new friend you were telling me about?” Ed said yes and looked at me and then she thanked me. I asked what for, confused about this and she said, “You know, what happened in the changing room.” I blushed to my root, wanted to leave but she reassured me it was ok, that I did them a favour and now I’ve become a friend to Ed, ‘although only a coffee friend it seems’. Ed missed the subtext, but as women we both knew she was saying to me I didn’t need to worry, and I thanked her with my eyes. We all chatted together for a bit, telling her my cover story and so on, what my plans were and what they going to do. I almost blurted out that I was also selling a house, but that’s not part of my cover, just a life I’m slowly shedding. I did notice she was checking me out, but I was doing the same to her as well and she kept touching her ears, obviously noticing my ears weren’t pierced yet, and I was very aware I wasn’t wearing as much jewellery as she was so I added that my mental shopping list for the day.

But there was one thing that came out of meeting the ex wife that was important, Ed and me finally planned to do something that didn’t involve coffee; I was going to help him when he went shopping for his new place. And I was excited about it, I really was excited about spending time with him. Oh my god, I like him! I can’t date him, he’s like 18 years older than me!

Anyway, before I went shopping with Ed, I had my first bridesmaid dress fitting and now that I have actual opinions on women’s fashion I was worried it was going to be the meringue dress Anita kept hinting at. If you’re wondering what it’s like trying on wedding and bridesmaids dresses, watch Muriel’s Wedding as it really is just like that. We had champagne (although I suspect it was just white wine put through a Sodastream), tried on lots of dresses and it was so much fun! I kept squealing in excitement along with Anita and Hannah with Mary often cooing at us, but it was just lovely being a woman with other women. If you’re wondering what the dress looked like, well it was silk, floor length and very classy. Hannah did wind me up when Anita couldn't hear her that everyone will be too busy looking at my bum in the dress than at her, but I pointed out that will be the men only that look and that ‘It’s ok, I have a nice bum’, but I suppose that depends on what I wear under it, but I get to choose that for myself.

The day after that, Ed and me were trying the ‘let’s be friends that do more than drink coffee’ thing, so I helped him with some furniture shopping for his new place. He had some of his old stuff, but in the split they shared things out and he needed to get new things and decided that as I’m a woman I must therefore have opinions on things. I was still developing that side of me, but I was surprised that I no longer felt that things ‘will be good enough’, but now needed to be ‘right’. He was wearing jeans and a hoody, but I was trying out one of the outfits I had seen someone wearing on insta and that was becoming my fashion guide. So he looked very casual and I was a bit more dressy in my ankle boots, over the knee socks, black A-line short skirt and a shirt tied around my waist that showed just a little of my flat stomach. I’d been playing about a bit with my hair and while I still desperately needed to go to the hairdressers, I kept putting it off knowing that while my house sale was being sorted I might need to change back at any moment to sign papers. Anyway, I’d been using the curling tongs to give my hair a bit of a wavy curl and I quite liked it. Anyway, like I said I was a bit over dressed and attracting more attention from men than I wanted right now, and once again Ed needed to get an over enthusiastic salesman away while we looked at stuff, as although they only wanted to talk to him they never stopped looking at me. Sometimes I liked it but today wasn’t one of them.

I asked him about it, not that they were all constantly perving on me, more that he didn’t look at me like that, explaining that I really appreciated it from him as he makes me feel safe. He told me that apart from people probably thinking he was my father as I’m younger than him, he thinks people would judge him he if did, saying, “I mean, it’s not like I can’t see you’re very attractive, I just decided when we had that first coffee together to look past it. To be fair, it was probably easier for me as it’s not like I have to try and imagine what you look like naked!” I asked about the age thing as although I knew I was now younger and I felt it as well in my physical presence, I also had my old memories so when we chat I tend to forget about the age gap as we like a lot of the same things, explaining it away as picking them up from parents. Anyway, I digress here as him saying he didn’t see me that way got my attention more than anything else, so I asked him, “You never think of me that way because of my age or you never think of me that way? Or do you try not to think of me that way or try not to look at me that way?” He knew enough not to be pulled into that conversation but I wouldn't let it go. I walked over to chair and as I sat down told him to stand right in front of me. As I crossed my legs I said to him, “Stay right there and prove to me you can think of me that way.” He looked a bit confused so I flicked my eyes down to his groin and then raised my eyebrows at him. He said, “Oh come on, I’m not doing that here!” So I said he didn’t need him to do anything other than prove it to me, and I looked back at his groin, saying, “Come one, we don’t have all day and you did say you didn’t need to imagine me naked? Prove it to me you can look at me that way.”

I waited and watched him and he looked at me and looked me over as I got to watch it grow in his jeans and the bulge extend down the leg. Interesting, he normally dresses to the left but that’s definitely to the right and I bet that feels uncomfortable for him. Wait, how did I know he dressed to the right, have I been checking it out? Anyway, I waited till he was fully hard, stood up and grabbed his hand and started talking about the merits of a table and chairs while doing my best to tease him a little to keep him as uncomfortable as possible as well. Finally I whispered in his ear that’s what it feels like with men looking at me all the time, but if he’s a good boy I will let it go down. He was a good boy but I was enjoying flirting with him to keep it up, like I said he made me feel safe and this was fun. Besides, I had a week of fun planned for next week, and I was really looking forward to it now, and I get to really put a new app to use.

I checked into the hotel in town for a week, I felt it made sense to keep anyone I meet with away from home. When I signed up to the hook up app I got a lot of attention, even though I blurred me face and it turns out those naked photos in the changing room were useful, which all made it easier to pick guys based purely on their looks and then availability. I only had a small bag with me and the first guy was turning up on his way home from work and only had two hours. Well, it turns out he had something else with him, something to help keep himself going and for two hours we had a lot of sex! After a shower I went home to sleep in my own bed, but was back the next day for a lunchtime meeting with a very nice man about the same age as me who I think was really a virgin as he was really nervous but we still had fun before he left, giving me an hour to get ready for the next hook up. I had arranged a special extra treat for myself, three men at once, and they arrived on time. Well, lets just say I was tag teamed, spit roasted and DP’d over three hours, and kissing them goodbye was tough, but I was tired and needed a shower. I must have spent about an hour in there when I could hear my phone vibrating so I quickly went to check it, seeing a text from Ed, asking me if I had finished yet and if so did I want to go for a drink. Of course I wanted to go for a drink with him, I think I was hiding my crush from him, plus I had told him about what I was doing this week in an attempt to hide my growing feelings for him, after all he said he didn't think of me that way, even if he did admit to an occasional attraction to me.

The drink with him was just a casual catch up as he had said he wanted to make sure I was ok, besides, I enjoy spending time with him. He didn’t ask for details but did ask if I was enjoying myself so I just held up three fingers to him with a smile. He said, “Huh? Do you mean three times today?” I stifled a giggle and he said he didn't want to know anymore. I explained again this was just something I needed to do, I needed to get this out of my system as ‘I might not be catholic but I did go to a catholic school’. He told me again that while he doesn't understand why I need to do this he will be supportive of me, and once again my heart did a little flutter but my panties stayed dry, thanks to what I had been doing that day. The following day my hook up failed to show and I wasn’t able to arrange anyone else I liked for that day, so decided to check out of the hotel and call it quits. While I didn’t get as much as I first wanted, I think the three at once certainly helped me shake off my curiosity about sex. In fact, for the rest of that week I didn’t even use my rabbit at home. Hannah and Anita of course got a lot of the details the following evening over some wine and we laughed at what men say during sex and to get sex, but discussed in detail the merits of different types of penis’s and the flavour of sperm. But I still felt something was there that I needed to address that was always there at the back of my head, not quite going away. Anyway, that night I changed back before I went to sleep as I had to go to the lawyers tomorrow to sign some papers to finalise the sale of my house and get rid of my car at a dealership. Maybe that’s the thing at the back of my head as this was likely to be the last time I was him. I really hope so anyway.

Changing last night meant once that was all done I was back to being Sofia, a good thing too as I did hear someone call out my male name as I was getting in the cab after getting rid of the car, and I think it was one of his friends, but I had no interest in that life anymore so I just waved in recognition and got in. That thing at the back of my mind still hadn't quite gone away, but seemed to be less insistent of my attention. I phoned Mary to chat and she seemed to bring it back into focus for me, pointing out that while I had plenty of money, it wouldn't last forever and I needed to think about what I was going to do with my life now. Mary really had become a surrogate mother to me, helped make Sofia real and allowed me to start taking driving lessons again, which was really annoying going through the whole process again. But I think that was it, I needed something to do during the day, it was great going shopping and all, but I was bored and trying to fill my time with nothing. As we chatted Ed sent me a text asking if I was free on Saturday to which of course I said yes, but when we went for meal that evening he wouldn't say anything about what we doing other than I should wear jeans.

Saturday at 10am I was in my jeans waiting for him when there was a knock on the door, and Ed stood there holding two motorbike safety helmets and a jacket. I looked at him saying nothing and he held out the jacket to me first. I walked into the flat making him follow me and he watched me as I put a pair of boots on, this time a pair of flat ankle boots and I stood up to look at him. He asked me if I was ok with going on the back of a bike and I was worried he would be a born again biker with a big sports bike that is too powerful for him. I looked at the jacket and said I will take a look and decide if we will, but I think I knew I would. I hadn’t ridden a bike in a couple of years and it would be fun to be on the back for a change. Putting the jacket on and wondering what he helmet will do to my hair, I followed him out, swapping my handbag for a little backpack hand bag instead. Once outside, there was the bike, an adventure bike with panniers and top box that looked very new. I asked him why he never said anything and he said he wanted to surprise me and was worried I wouldn't want to go out with him on it. I said nothing for a little bit, just to make him sweat and said, “Go on, start it up then!” He put the helmet on, climbed onto the bike and started it. I flipped down the rear foot pegs as he forgot and climbed onto the back, instantly understanding why any girls I had on the back of my bikes liked it; the vibrations!.

We rode for a couple of hours and he had set the helmets up with an intercom so we could chat and listen to music together before stopping for lunch in a little cafe with a stunning view. Ed explained about the bike, and how he missed riding when a close call with his ex on the back scared her and she asked him to get rid of it. I knew all about close calls, they happen all the time, which is exactly what he explained to me but I said nothing, how could I point out I had my bike license for longer than did but that now I can’t use it as it’s not in my name. Still, it was a lovely ride in the country made so much nicer by the vibration but when we were about an hour from home, it started raining. The weather had been great all day, but it started slow and then hammered down and we were soaked to the skin. I told him to go to his, it was closer and we could get out the rain, plus I was worried about his riding ability in the rain but he was extremely safe with me on the back. When we got off the bike, even though we were soaked to the skin we still ran to get inside and out of the rain, shedding our jackets as soon as we were in. Ed went to hang them up and I asked what I should with my clothes as I couldn't sit down on his furniture soaking wet. He suggested the bathroom so I went in and hung up my jeans and tee shirt, towelling myself off as I walked out. He then went in and came out shortly after but he was wearing a robe while I was in my soaked underwear. I asked if he had another robe and he didn’t, so I looked at him and thought screw it, he’s seen me naked and I unclipped my bra and asked where I could hang it up to dry. He of course looked at my boobs and mumbled the bathroom so I went back and hung it up, then did the same with my thong. When I walked in to see him, he looked and said, “Well, I can definitely say I’ve seen this one before.” And I threw a cushion at him, giving me a chance to call him out for putting dry underwear on and if I’m going to be naked then he should be as well, as I went to his kitchen to put the kettle on. Walking back to ask if he wanted tea or coffee, I watched him take his boxers off, so I said, “Yep, seen it already.” And he threw the cushion back at me.

We both sat around naked for a bit, just chatting and my awareness of my nudity was constantly changing, but I think it was worse for him, I mean, it’s easy for me to hide if I felt aroused but much harder for him. I did see it, shall we say, change size a couple of times but never get beyond a semi. He was trying to hide it from me so I said nothing. Sometimes I felt really self conscious about being naked, other times I felt really confident about it, but when our take away was due to be delivered I asked for his robe and he put on a tee shirt and shorts. A few hours later around 11pm I put my damp clothes on and ordered a cab home, thinking how great the day was, we were definitely good friends now and had nothing to hide from each other. I also had agreed to go to a work event his employer was throwing at a hotel with some kind of award ceremony as he had a plus one if he wanted it. I agreed as I had picked up a dress that I thought would be perfect for it, although I was worried it might be too much for such an event, but hey, I’m a twenty year old girl so why wouldn't I wear it? When I told Hannah and Anita about it the next evening when they came over, they both looked at each other and asked me when me and Ed were going to go from being friends to a couple? I finally admitted to them that I liked him but didn’t think he liked me that way, and before I knew it I was crying! I even think at some point I said ‘why doesn't he love me back’ and I’m really hoping that I wasn’t blowing snot bubbles with my tears. They calmed me down and convinced me this was a normal experience for a girl and I could relax and just let it happen, asking to see what I was going to wear. I showed them the dress and they told me to put it on, saying, yes it might be a bit much but I can pull it off as I was still a skinny 20 year old bitch!

On Friday, the day before the work event I decided to treat myself to a spa day, getting waxed and pampered. I finally managed to get my hair done, I had my ears pierced with little diamonds studs I had picked up and my hair was styled. I listened carefully to the instructions for keeping the style and I loved how I looked. Saturday I got up late and spent the day trying to work out how I should do my make up, then after a light lunch I started to get ready, taking my time before Ed arrived at six to pick me up. I let him in wearing my robe and made sure he didn’t see my face as I really wanted to make an impact on him as I slipped in the dress. I really loved how it looked in the store and was glad I had a chance to wear it. I walked in on him and he just stay there looking at me, not saying anything. I said, “What, do I look bad?” But he shook his head to clear his thoughts and stood up, wiping the sweat from his palms on his trousers as he did so, saying “No, you look good, great in fact.” I felt really self conscious now, and glanced at myself in the mirror. My smoky eyes looked good, my hair was loose with a gentle wave to it, and my dress, well, that’s another story. It was LBD, but more than just that. It was short but not a mini dress, and was backless and showed some, but not a lot of cleavage. Of course, as it was backless I was going without a bra, and rather than wear tights or stockings, I went with tights that were stockings. I kinda liked them as I got the convenience of both and the woman at the spa who suggested them was definitely on my Christmas card list. Of course, I was also wearing a thong as I didn't want any panty lines and my heels were about a one inch platforms with a four inch stiletto, although technically I suppose the platform made them three inches.

Anyway, Ed’s mouth was open and I think he finally came round from just looking at me and he gave me a kiss on the cheek to say hello. I kept asking if it was too much and he said no it’s fine over and over again. I asked him, “What do the people you work with know about me?” I think I was feeling nervous about the physical age gap again, but he reassured me that they knew about me, knew I was his friend and that was all there was to say about it. But this made me think again about how I was dressed as I love it, but maybe it was over the top, but again he said it would be ok and fun to be there with the most attractive women. Now that did make me think and with a smile I said, “In that case then let’s have some fun!” Then I discussed with him what we could do, putting my hands up my dress to take my thong off, after all I wasn't wearing a bra anyway.

Walking into the hotel with Ed on my arm was an experience I truly loved in so many ways. We both got a lot of looks from both men and women, we held hands and were quite touchy all evening, but to everyone there I was introduced as his friend. In my first visit to the ladies I knew it would happen and I was asked about our relationship. I told them we were friends and not dating, we enjoy each others company and that’s it. One of the girls that worked with Ed said she’s amazed we hadn't had sex seeing how we were touching each other, and this is what I expected so had a line prepared. I said, “I never said we haven't had sex, in fact that happened before we had even said a word to each other, but we’re friends now.” And I finished touching up my lipstick and went back to Ed, telling him what was said and that now he is officially the office stud as I cuddled up to him. And that was when his boss and wife came over so we stood next to each other and Ed put his arm around me to rest his hand on my hip, with his fingers going to my skin through the backless dress just like we had practiced. Ok, this was probably me trying to get him to make a move on me, but I liked how his hand felt on my skin, and as his thumb was stoking me I think he might have as well. The practice paid off as he was caressing me lightly as we chatted to his boss and wife and I wanted to be extremely naughty and also give his reputation at work a big boost. I turned back to the table to get a drink, except I turned so that Ed’s hand went further into my dress so that it reached my stomach, whispering in his ear I needed a drink meaning his hand was under my dress and everyone could see it, as I kissed him gently on the lips. That was the first time we had kissed on the lips since the day we first met. And his hand was inside my dress in front of everyone. We looked into each others eyes and he kissed me back. I stepped away to get a glass of wine, feeling he hand slid across my stomach and to my back as I stepped away for a glass of wine, my legs feeling like jelly. Could he like me as well?

He walked back across to me and slipped a hand around my waist and I was afraid to say anything, would my feelings give me away, but he just suggested we go out to gardens to get some fresh air. The hotel was an old country manor estate and had kept some of the gardens so there was loads of space and we walked out there slowly, and I had the feeling I was being shown off again, so I worked it. We walked slowly in the gardens, just chatting with a few ‘I’m sorry’s’ from me about being such a tease and a few from him as well for showing me off like a trophy. We soon sat on a bench and I said, “Seriously, it’s ok, I like spending time with you and I’m happy to be your trophy” And I kissed him on the lips again. He looked at me and said, “It’s ok, I like spending time with you.” And he kissed me back. We sat there next to each other, his arm around me and my hand on his leg and he leant forward with a head tilt and I leant forward with a head tilt and we were kissing passionately. I don’t know when it happened but I was kneeling on the bench with him between my legs and one of us must have pushed my dress up as it was around my hips. I was on display but didn’t care, I was kissing my man and he was kissing me. He was caressing my boobs and I put my hand down to feel his hardness, and thought to myself, ‘screw it, there’s no one around and this is a long time coming’ as I undid his trousers and pulled him into the air. I shuffled around so that my feet were next to his hips and I squatted down on him, both of us sighing in pleasure as he entered me. I will never not love this feeling of being penetrated, being the receptive partner in sex. I might be the one riding him tight now as we kiss and in control of depth and speed, but I was still the one being fucked rather than the one doing it. I was giving myself to him and we were both enjoying it.

I think he needed this as much as me and our passion for each other meant this didn’t last long as once again I was close to an orgasm but he still beat me and started to cum. I pushed myself as far down his cock as I could, I wanted this to be as deep as possible and I held onto him as he twitched and came, lost in his own orgasm, feeling pretty satisfied myself. But also thinking a little bit sad that I still hadn’t achieved an orgasm myself without the rabbit. Both Anita and Hannah had said to me that sometimes we have to put up with that satisfied feeling until we get to get ourselves off later, but when it happens I will keep wanting to make it happen. Anyway, we both slowly came down from our high, still deeply connected to each, and I shuffled my feet down the back of the bench so that I was sitting on Ed’s lap while he was still in me. I did like that he seemed to stay quite hard after coming, so. I hoped to explore that more. Anyway, once I was sitting on his lap I heard a movement and now I could see better in the dark I looked to one side and there was another bench, and on it sat three men who had just watched us. The problem in this bench had a backrest and my legs were now through the gap and I was trapping both me and Ed together with his cock still in me! Ed had seen them as well and it seemed they were as embarrassed as we were. Still, there I was with my dress now round my waist, a cock inside me and trapped by wanting to be more comfortable while connected to my man in the most intimate way, and the three guys mumbled a few words and got up to leave. I looked at Ed and we both started to giggle.

After cleaning up as much as we could, we went back in and walked around chatting and mingling and it was clear that those men had told someone as when I was in the ladies, I was asked about it and admitted that yes we did, I don’t know if we are together or not so will let things happen. Ed asked the cab to drop me off first and as soon as we stopped I asked him if he wanted to come inside. Then a smile crossed my face as I looked at him and said the inside word out loud. “Again.” He laughed and followed me in. Finally I had my first orgasm with a man inside me, just from penetration and I lost all feelings my right hand, twirling it around while looking at it as if it wasn’t mine. And all that time he was inside me, still hard with my legs wrapped around him, and he gave me another orgasm that night, once in again in the morning then again in the shower holding me up to stop me falling down as I was shaking so much. While we had breakfast, we chatted and talked about us. Yes, I liked him, yes, he liked me. So it seemed we were dating and that afternoon I took him shopping with me and Hannah, then in the evening we double dated with Anita and Alexander where it was confirmed that yes, he would be my date at the wedding, and the following day we went for lunch with Hannah and her boyfriend who was in the army and back from being based in Belize. It was a great weekend, I had a boyfriend and great friends.

The next couple of months carried on as before, except now I was either sleeping at Ed’s or he was sleeping at mine with me. We very quickly became a couple and I needed to think about the future more, so while looking through my Sofia documents I looked at the GCSE certificates again and visited the local college, signing myself up for some A Levels so I could go to university. I picked things I hadn’t done at school as I wanted to do something entirely new but had plenty of time to make the university decisions later. The wedding itself was amazing, I had a wonderful time with Ed and cried with Hannah as we watched Anita leave with Alexander, hugging Ed and making love to him later that night in the hotel and once again desperately happy that Mary had misunderstood Anita and that she gave me a wonderful gift of a whole new life. I laid there in bed looking at Ed as he slept, snoring lightly and thinking how lucky I was to be horny at exactly the right moment in that dressing room when he walked past, how lucky I am to have such a wonderful friends in Anita and Hannah. And how lucky I am that I am here with a new start.

Epilogue

At college I made new friends, friends that were my age or at least my physical age anyway and spent time with them going clubbing and to bars. A few thought it strange I had an older boyfriend but I said age didn’t matter between the two of us, and a similar thing was said when I went to university. Ed hated coming clubbing with me as he said he just felt old, but I loved it and he trusted me. Besides, I always made an effort to make sure I met up with him and his friends when I went clubbing just because it felt fun to make them jealous of him. For university I went in my town of course, I couldn't even think about moving away from Ed, because apart from loving him, I also loved having sex with him and we have a lot of sex and it was always good. Sometimes we would invite another partner into our bed (and he even let me have the occasional sex partner away from him, probably because he was worried I would leave him as he was older than me), but it was always about us not them, they were there to help us remain faithful to each other as it really was good. I can’t remember who’s idea it was that we have the odd threesome and swingers party (thankfully we were both admitted into one where it was only hot people), but our life together was good and I never once felt like I was missing anything. I started a new career with my new life and never once needed to go back to being him.

I was there with both Hannah and Anita when Mary passed, telling them a little of what she had told me and why they were both more important to her than they realised.

Ed sadly died peacefully when he was 80, Anita and Hannah went a few years later and while I had new friends, there was now no one that knew the old me so I felt it was time. I made my plans, moved money around to keep it safe and took a trip to another city many, many miles from where I lived, being as careful as possible to not be picked up by any cameras or leave a record of my travels. I took a walk out into some woodland and and took my clothes off, taking out of my bag some other clothes I had picked up 40 years ago just as Mary suggested. I thought to myself that once again she was thinking of me and still helping me. I took the Medallion of Zulo out of the leather pouch, and put it around my neck to make the second change in my appearance in 40 years, not counting the occasional figure touch up so to speak. I waited there, naked in the woods as I changed into a 13 year old girl and once that was done I burnt all the clothes and put on some brand new ones I had picked up a year ago. I started to walk towards the city, posting the medallion to my lawyers who had already been given instructions on how to keep it safe until it was claimed along with the rest of my money and investments. I was now using the same company that Mary had used and they seemed completely relaxed about my vagueness about how it will be reclaimed, just a password phrase and account number. I walked into the city and headed to a shopping mall where I sat on a seat, waiting for the police or security to wonder who the 13 year old girl is, why there is no one with her. Of course, I needed to pretend for a quite a while I had no idea what my name is and wait to end up in foster care, but as Mary pointed out when she told me her story, in her day you could just turn up somewhere and give yourself a new name, now you need an official record. She couldn’t think of how to do this, but I figured this way I’m just a lost kid and when they run my DNA it won’t have been recorded anywhere. And how can this short 13 year old girl be a tall 70 year old woman?

As I watched the reflection in a shop window of a security guard walking towards me, I thought to myself this is now officially my second new start, my third life. I’m hoping they will call me Zara, seeing that I’m sitting right here. Mary never kept a count of how many new starts she had, but I will and I hope to go as long as she did, but I’m glad I’m starting this one as close as I could to where it started for her.

The End.

Hi, Sofia here. Mary gave me permission to tell her story so here it is, picking up from when I asked her a question, but here’s a refresher of where we were when she told it to me.

I got a cab round to Mary’s so I could change back and sort out everything the male me needed for work next week. There were a couple of questions I needed to ask her so once the change had started I said, “Mary, there’s a couple of things you said and I wanted to ask you about it.” She told me I could ask her anything so I began….

I asked her, “You told me that if I had stayed a ten year old I would have grown up and lived a life from then. Does that mean my age, the previous 38 years of my life are, I don’t know, reset back to ten?” Mary looked at me for a few seconds, clearly thinking about what she will say next then smiled. She said, “Perhaps I should tell you a bit about my life to answer the question you really want to ask, but yes, you would live a whole new life.” I sat back really thinking hard with so many different thoughts running through my head at once. I looked at her but she held up her hand and told me she would explain why the medallion is both a blessing and a curse.

“I don’t remember much of my early life, well, none of us do but I learnt more later from my mother after father died. I don’t know exactly when I was born, for most people it just wasn't important or recorded but I do know it must have been about 1540.” She paused to let that sink in, before carrying on. “It seemed my father did some service to some Earl or Lord at a battle somewhere, it was never really important enough to me to try to find out and there were so many in those days it could have been hundreds of different ones. But that service somehow meant he moved to court from our home and my mother and myself moved with him. With so much going on I was unaware of most but it seemed he ended up working on the royal estate in the service of Henry VIII and we lived in what was basically a hut. I do remember seeing the King at least once, but what happened next was the part I remember the most. My father came home much earlier than usual, in fact I rarely saw him as he worked so much, but he ran in, talked to my mother and I was called inside. We packed a few things, literally just a sack and it was over my father’s shoulder and we started walking quickly away from our home. From what I learned later the king had died and in the upheaval and confusion of things, everyone at court was out for theirselves and those that could ran did, lest they end up in gaol or worse dead. I believe my father managed to get some silver things, but we walked for what seemed forever until we returned to his birthplace. His father was still alive and we lived in a small home which at least had an upstairs in Shottery, Warwickshire.

“My grandfather died shortly after we got there, and my father returned to working the land, something I did a few years after. And that was my life, I inherited the building when they died, worked the land, had a wife and as was the way then our children died young, my wife died and I grew old until I was too old to work the land. I suspected I would die alone in poverty in that home, really just a small hut with an attic room, but in 1613 I got a job tending a garden. I know the year this time, I would have been in my 70’s and a gentleman took pity on me, he was rich and had returned from London to live with his wife. He was nice man, very funny and liked the few stories I knew of seeing the old king while living on the royal estate. I must have made some of the things up that I told him, but William Shakespeare did that himself and he seemed to like my company. Yes, most people forget that his wife’s home is in Shottery not Stratford, but anyway, he was a nice gentleman who took pity on me in my final years and saved me in many ways. One particular evening I was complaining about being old and wearied with no family and wondering if I had wasted my life compared to him and he asked me what I would do if I could start again. Of course I said so many things, the things an old man regrets and he took something out of a secret draw in a bureau against the wall and pressed it into my hand. He told me it was magic, of course, we all believed in magic in this days, and said that this can make me young again and told me to put it on that night.

So I slipped it into my pocket, we drank more ale and when I got home I put it on as I went to bed. In the morning of course I was still me, we slept in our clothes and mostly only had the one set, but I kept it on and carried on going to work. About three weeks later there were some new clothes being delivered to Master Shakespeare's and I needed a new shirt, and there was one and he told me I could have it. It was much finer than anything I had worn, even had some embroidery on it, but I took it home and that night before going to bed I put it on. It was smaller than my clothes, too small for me really and clearly for a younger man, but I put it on and got into bed. Of course you know what the change feels like but I didn’t have a mirror so all I knew is that I felt great and strong for a change. In the morning I walked to master Shakespeare’s, you know it’s funny, even all these years later I still think of him as my employer. Anyway, I was being looked at I was walked along the track, and young Samantha the maid screamed as she didn’t recognise me, but Shakespeare did, he knew my clothes and told the maid to calm down and bring us ale. He showed me what I looked like now, how I had changed and we both examined the medallion, realising it makes you younger with younger clothes. It was quite a while later I learned the full capabilities of the medallion, but I felt great and he no longer wanted it. So he lent me a few coins in a purse, so in went the medallion with cions for safety and I left Shottery to start a new life. Not that long ago, well, not long to me but 20 years ago, I took the girls on a trip to Anne Hathaway’s Cottage to see where I worked and managed to find a car park where my old home was. I was never able to work out where the home on the royal estate was, our even which particular estate it was, but my memories of there were that of a child and I felt no particular attachment to them.

“Anyway, I had no skills other than working the land and I walked for a couple of days, buying what I needed in any market in the villages I passed through until I realised my money wouldn't last long at this rate, so I stopped in some woodland not far from a coppice and made some baskets that I hoped to sell, running from there as quickly as I could as the punishment for stealing the wood isn’t something I wanted to face. I did manage to sell them and I carried on doing this, sleeping rough and trying to make a few more coins on the way. I don’t know how long it took me, but I was now at the coast and managed to get some work helping fishermen bring their boats in, followed by somewhere to live and made myself a life, but I was reluctant to get married again. Although I knew I was a new person, I was just a younger version of myself really so still in love with my late wife. So I lived simply and saved my money until one day I was starting to get old again, so I made a change to a younger self again and headed for a another fishing village, somehow managing to avoid getting caught up in the civil war, well, the English one at least. But I did find the change was useful as I used it when smallpox visited our village and I was infected, having no idea if the change would cure me, but it did that for me twice.

“And so that was how I lived for quite a while moving from place to place until news reached us of the death of the king, George the First in the 1700’s and I decided to move somewhere completely new. You see, there was a ship leaving for the colonies and I asked for work to travel there. The journey on board was horrible and I suffered from sea sickness, which is no fun as there was no choice for me but to keep working while being sick. Anyway, it was a very different world there, and it was clear that there was already going to be a change before long, there was always talk somewhere of rebellion. I tried to stay out of all that as much as possible, but each side was always trying to get the other to do something, and I always had more sympathy for the Regulators, but of course I was also English so it was hard to be a traitor. Still, life was interesting in those days.

“However I once again took the change becoming a young man, now with a sizeable amount of savings, but this was now 1764 and as a young man in the colonies when independence was declared I had to pick a side this time, and found myself fighting for my new home. I liked it there and, yes life was tough but here everyone had a chance to become more than they were and I had fully taken advantage of that, now owning three fishing boats and employed there crews which I ‘inherited’ from myself so to speak. But I went to war and I fought against my countrymen for my new home, trusting the medallion to save me, keeping it close to hand at all times. There’s not much to share about it all really, there was a lot of marching and standing in line to fire a musket on command then either running forwards or running away, often changing regiments depending on how many survived the battle. Still, it happened of course, at the battle of Monmouth in 1778 I was hit in the shoulder by musket ball and taken to the hospital. It hurt a lot, and of course in those days you could expect the infection to kill you and I had an awful fever but no chance to get away from people to make the change to ‘cure’ myself.

“One of the nurses who changed my bandages tore up a brand new dress to make them and dropped it next to my cot when she was called away. I think you can work out what I next discovered as I used the discarded dress to wipe the sweat from my brow and was wearing the medallion. I didn’t expect it to work that way, Master Shakespeare certainly hadn’t warned me, but I instantly felt the change taking effect on me, slowly changing me into a young woman. I was very scared and tried to change myself back, but of course I had no idea until then that couldn't happen for 12 hours, so there I was stuck as a woman in a hospital in the dark where it was expected that many men will die of their injuries. Worse than that I was dressed as a man in bloody clothes, something that would be a serious risk to my freedom. My purse was still with me and I ran. The history books these days report what sadly happens to women following a battle and yes, a group of soldiers caught me and I was forcibly taken. I don’t know how long it lasted, but at dawn I was rescued by an officer who draped his cloak around me and took me to his tent. I was extremely shaken and I lost my purse but as the medallion is just bronze and looks worthless I still had it around my neck. The officer got his servants to look after me and I was cleaned up and given a dress, watching the women closely to try and copy them to avoid any suspicion, not that it was likely of course, they all knew what happened to me and were gentle. As I said, sadly in those days what happened to me was a common event for all women and it wasn’t the last time it happened to me. I hope it’s something you never have to face.

“The officer returned later that day and had retrieved my purse, seeing the gold coins I had and so thinking I was a women of substance he helped me, but I never had a chance to get away and change back to being a man. I think they thought I might be a spy for the English, and I had made up a story about looking for my husband, myself of course, they finally accepted it and after two weeks with the officer, yes he did expect something for rescuing me and I offered it in exchange for my safety, he finally let me go to return back to Boston. The journey there was not enjoyable, I was never alone to make the change and only had two dresses and of course wearing the godawful corsets we had to wear meant I didn’t want to risk changing while still wearing it. I was able to reclaim my money with letters I wrote to myself, but in those days I also couldn't have my fishing boats as I was a women and not able to own property so I sold them to the crew for a low price and tried to work out what to do next.

“Sadly of course the money couldn’t last and a very kind woman offered me work as a maid. She was the madam of a brothel and within three months I knew I could start to regain some money by switching professions, as it was still the most reliable way for women in those days to make money when there was no man to pay their way. Maybe you should look into something called Only Fans, just in case. Anyway, I ended up taking over that brothel when the madam retired, only occasionally working with the richer clients. I only had a couple of pregnancy scares in my career and the ladies taught me how to protect myself from them. The risk was still there of course, but I would have done anything I could not to go through the pain of losing a child again, I was very careful. Still, it was a lucrative business and I looked after my girls, handing the business over to my ‘niece’ when I needed to retire a few times. Eventually of course there was another civil war, American this time and I decided it was time to leave and return home. I hated how the south treated black people, and I still wish the US would treat black people better and as equals, but when the confederate at one point looked like winning coming so close to Washington DC, I couldn’t face it anymore and booked passage home. Plus of course having played a part in the underground railroad made me a target for those awful people, but the risk was just too great to stay. By now I had done very well for myself, running a brothel for a 100 years will do that for you, and I gave each of the girls an equal share in the business so that they had complete control and were able to make more money for themselves.

“I stepped off the ship in Bristol, I couldn’t face getting passage to Liverpool having met too many of their sailors who had fought for the south, and then tried to run home when things got tough for them, but the city was now very different to how I remembered it, more modern after the efforts of the industrial revolution. I used my money to buy property that I could rent, but of course as a woman it was still difficult for me but I saw no reason to change back to being a man. I had done ok for myself as a man, but as a woman I had done extremely well, so my fortune was used to make sure I didn’t need to work and could live a life of leisure. I made sure that my lawyers had instructions for what to do if I was missing when I changed into a younger woman so I could enjoy life and hopefully be free of any sexually transmitted diseases I might have picked up. I travelled, had a maid and steward who travelled with me and now I was free of any restrictions previously placed on me. You could say I had a lot of fun. You see, the victorians may have a very reserved and repressed reputation, but once people had retired to their room at night it was like musical chairs. Once at a country house, three gentlemen called at my room in a night and I don't think I slept a wink!

“That’s part of the curse of course, if you don’t change into a woman slowly as I did with you, well, you tend to get a bit sex obsessed. That first night when I was forced, I didn’t enjoy that part, but that’s not to say I couldn't appreciate what I felt and want a lot more of it under my terms. Anyway, I stayed young and travelled, sometimes staying at houses where the head of the house was now old and it was their grandson who visited me at night instead of them. Still, life went on, men went off to fight wars and for that I was grateful I was now a woman and didn’t need to go, but the young officers who courted me, bragging of how brave they will be always made me laugh as I saw plenty of braggarts cry and run in fear when the first shot rings out. Plus I always enjoyed beating them at archery, the bows were much lighter than I used as a young man, but no one was as good with a bow as me. That’s the advantage of being forced to train with with each week.

“Celebrating yet another new century seemed like nothing to me, but there was a growing movement I became involved with, and despite being around for so long, being a land owner and seeing so much, I still had never once cast a vote. So fighting for the right to do so seemed like the most natural thing to me, once again fighting for my rights. It was the second time I had taken up this fight but this time on a different continent and a different sex. But still, I wanted equal rights, even when I slept in a prison cell for fighting for that right, and when I cried when Emily Davidson died in effort to make people see how serious we were. Then off course there was yet another another war and the devastation of industrial warfare, making me glad I wasn’t called to fight again as no one wants to see warfare up close more than once. I’ve marched into a hail of bullets several times and no one should ever have to do that even once.

“But as sad as war is, they fought for us and soon I was able to walk into a polling station to vote for the very first time. It’s still strange to think that happened so late in my lifetime, but then, I am also the only person the planet to know what William Shakespeare actually looked like, so maybe not quite so strange. Still, I changed once again and this time I did volunteer to fight, eventually parachuting in France to be a radio operator as part of SOE, so yes, I was a secret agent for a while, but it was quiet where I was and soon after D-Day I returned home. I don’t have the medals anymore I’m afraid, they aren’t in my current name and in a museum somewhere I suspect. I never really feel much emotional connection to the previous lives I’ve led, this is always the one that matters the most. And so in the 60’s I made the change again and this is the life you see me living now. This is the life that matters the most to me. You see, for the second time in my life I feel in love. I fell in love with a man, and we got married and for the first time I wanted to be a mother. I knew at that point I would never change again, I just can’t leave my girls. I cried with them when their father, the love of my lifetimes died, and I will never leave them until death takes me. This is the end of my journey, and I knew that when I held Anita for the first time. I told them the stories about my lives, told them about how the medallion let me change again and again in the hope that maybe we could stay together forever, but once Anita found out it was real she made it clear she wants no part of that side of it, neither does Hannah and I wouldn't want to give it to them. They both said they would never want to be a man and I think that’s how they think it works. You see, the medallion has been very good to me, it’s made me rich beyond my imagination and the girls will be well looked after. So will you as well as I’m making sure that you have a few things as I think you understand that the blessing of the medallion is that you can enjoy all the best parts of life, regardless of your sex or gender. But the curse is you get to live that blessing over and over again until one day you fall in love and have children knowing you will never leave them by choice.”

Mary looked at me and put the Medallion of Zulo back into it pouch and handed it me.

“And now it’s your blessing, I hope you never have to face the curse part.”

I sat there dumbstruck, holding the medallion, now my medallion. I hope I use it wisely.

The End of the beginning

Over the last two weeks since they’ve let me sit outside, well, I would love to say they were a whirlwind of excitement and activity, but instead they were pretty much the same every day. Each morning I was measured, everyday there were a least two test procedures carried out, and still no answers. The only bright spot, and I do mean only, is that every couple of days I would bump into the hot teacher outside, and while he still gave me a lady boner as Jackie put it, the wetness was less intense now. But the throbbing, my god, that seemed to last for an hour afterwards.

Annette wanted me to talk about men and how I feel about them, but I really wasn't ready for that, just telling her that I was aware that some things had changed and I want to process it myself before we talk about it. Besides, they might suddenly find the cure and lady boners won’t be the boners I’m worried about, but at least those types of boners aren’t so obvious when they happen in public.

My lack of activity had been playing on my mind, so I started doing yoga in my room each morning after being measured. I had asked if I could use the staff gym, but they were quite reluctant to let me do too much just yet, so I looked on YouTube and found some videos and just did that instead. I was surprised I got a bit of sweat on from them, but probably more surprised about my flexibility. The later at least had a medical explanation in that everything had changed and was now younger and more supple, but I’m very close to doing the full box splits, just a couple of inches keeping me off the ground completely.

On the Thursday I was walking back into the ward ready for the evening meal and hoping to get a couple of minutes to change my underwear first thanks to the hot teacher making me laugh a little too much and my lady boner was in full flow, but Jackie waved to me and started heading for my room as well. She told me to sit down, the consultant is just doing some paperwork but wants to talk to me. I had a sudden fear attack and turned to face her, but she was trying very hard to suppress a smile.

I said, “What is it?”

She just shook her head, and I looked at her with as big eyes as I could and she laughed saying, “I’m a nurse, do you really think that look works on me?”

So instead I tried to use some guile to get her to talk, asking about her day, complementing her hair and manicure, but she kept smiling and shaking her head dropping in ‘you need to wait’, just to let me know she knew what I was doing.

God I hate her sometimes.

After about ten minutes, the consultant came in and said, “Hello Lew, how are you feeling today?”

Seriously, he’s seen me twice today already and asked that while taking blood and other samples both times! Doctors eh.

I said, “Well, the same as I was this morning, afternoon and yesterday, I guess.”

He smiles, mostly to himself. “Well, that’s certainly true. Did you know you haven’t grown in the last two weeks?”

I looked at him and then Jackie, who just nodded at me with a smile, and he went on, “Of course, we are nowhere nearer to any answers, so while it’s good news, you are still under observation and testing will continue for the foreseeable future as we have no idea if you have stabilised or not.”

My heart broke. Not only do they still not know if they can fix me, I’m still a virtual prisoner. In the sense of not being a prisoner and not being stupid enough to not listen to them.

He said, “But, I do appreciate you’ve been stuck here for a while and you need things. So as Jackie here isn’t working this weekend, she has volunteered to be with you when you go home and pick up what you need.”

I took a deep breath in excitement, thinking if nothing else I can actually visit my home, if not stay there overnight, pick up some things, put some washing on and so many other things to think about. He then got Jackie to talk through what I was allowed to do and not do, what times I was allowed out and so on so I could work out as many details as possible. But the next day I was making a long list of the things I needed to buy. I really needed some more clothes as the leggings I had were in danger of falling apart, more jumpers, maybe a jacket as sometimes I get cold outside, definitely some better fitting shoes.

That evening I ran a razor over myself to make sure I had no stubble on my legs, under my arms or down there, and struggled to get to sleep. It really was too exciting for me, but after my measurements in the morning, I was dressed and waiting at the pick up area for Jackie to arrive. I insisted on paying the cab fare when it dropped us off at my apartment building. Once we were in, I put the kettle on to make us both a cup of tea (Jackie picked up some milk on the way here), went into my bedroom and fell back on my bed.

If I hadn’t been so happy to be outside of hospital for just a few hours, I would have wrapped myself up in the duvet and slept. I could hear Jackie moving about in the kitchen and shortly she appeared at the door asking where the trash chute was and holding a bag of what must have been left in the fridge all this time. I had asked my solicitor to check the post once a week, but never thought to mention the fridge.

I helped her sort the mess out, and we sat and drank the tea while I tried to create a plan for the day, where to pick up what, and be in and out of each shop as quick as possible, suggesting a pub lunch before we went back. She had other ideas.

“Firstly, no to the pub. You can’t have alcohol, even your diet is being monitored carefully so I’ve put your approved lunch in your fridge for later. Secondly, I know you’re not happy about this, but we’re two women out shopping, we don’t do things hard and fast like men, we take our time and select what we want, not to mention what we will never wear just because the light in the changing room is flattering. Anyway, you have no idea of your sizes so you will have to try things on first, so there is no quick in and out as you hope.”

I knew she was right, but I couldn't help but sulk a little bit and was kinda hoping she would stop being a nurse for just a little bit, but not today. I was never left alone for a second, but one funny thing almost happened. When we stopped at the toilets I started to walk towards the wrong door, only to be pulled gently to the correct one. It was just habit really, I’ve been in that one enough times to just head for it, and at least in that one there isn’t a queue, no matter how short.

Back at my apartment I dropped off the things I had purchased, looking at my new girls clothes and wondering why women enjoy shopping so much. I also took my now clean clothes out the washing machine and put them in the dryer so once we finished lunch I would be good to go back and looked for a bag to take things back with me. Of course I had put all my bags on top of the wardrobe and couldn't reach them anymore, but could see inside and the one that Sarah had left behind.

It was a lot more feminine than any of mine, but I could reach it and looking like I did it was no big deal, so I grabbed it and looked inside. There wasn’t much in it, an old pair of trainers, a couple of sanitary pads, so I chucked the shoes aside and left the pads where they were. They might useful to me these days. I took out the jumpers I had picked up without trying on and Jackie walked in and asked me why I didn’t try them on in the shop.

“They’re jumpers, they will fit and be good enough”. She suggested I try the grey one on now, so I took off my hoody and picked it up, slipping it on and looked at her, saying, ‘see, it fits’.

She said, “You know you now own four dresses, right?”

I looked again and it was long, but I thought it was meant to be so I had a look in the mirror and it came down to about mid thigh. I looked back at her and started to say, “So what, it’s long so…”

But she jumped in saying, “It’s a dress. Take off your leggings and look again.”

So I pulled them down and looked in the mirror and yes, it was clearly a dress. I’m not only wearing a dress (it’s really comfortable by the way), I had also picked up three others like it.

She said, “Try it with your jacket.”

I put that on and looked again. I mean, what I saw shouldn’t have been a surprise, I’ve looked at myself enough in the mirror recently but what I saw looking back at me wasn’t what I expected. I said, “I look so young.”

Jackie gave me a reassuring smile and said, “Right now, yes. But not always, I mean you still look young, but sometimes you carry yourself like you’re older. Sometimes I forget there’s a man who just retired in there, other times it’s like why does this old man look so young?”

I looked at her and was about to say something but looked back at my reflection. For the immediate future I need to accept this, but then a thought occurred to me.

“Hey, guess what?” I asked her.

“I have to strip three or four times a day, if I wear this it will make my life a lot simpler.”

Jackie smiled and said, “Typical man, always trying to fix things when you can just let them resolve themselves.”

But it is a pain taking off the leggings and them turning inside out each time, if I wear this I can just pull it over my head and get on with my day. Ok, it might not save a huge amount of time, but it will make things easier. I’m not sure I could wear one outside the hospital just yet, but for practical reasons I will go this for now.

I joined Jackie in the living room and we sat down to drink our tea, and she said, “Oi! That’s not very ladylike.”

I had no idea what she was on about but she pointed at my legs and I looked down, confused even more. “Oh for christ sake! Keep your knees together.”

I started laughing, and closed my legs, but of course they kept coming apart, and Jackie would clap her hands together to indicate I needed to shut them, and that went on all while we drank tea and I had my pre-approved lunch, pointing out I’ve been eating from the hospital shop for a few days now without them noticing.

She said, “We know, we’ve literally been checking your blood and everything for weeks, but out here right now we do need to be careful and if you can’t keep your legs shut I have another idea to help you learn.”

I snapped them shut and asked what her what she meant.

“Ok, stand up, and take the dress off.”

So I did just that, standing there in my underwear and she said, “Ok, now drop them and put the dress back on.”

I said, “What on earth are you on about?”

“Take your knickers off, then put the dress back on and see how long it takes you to know you need to keep your knees together.”

I gave her a look and picked up my dress, saying, “You know, I could have taken them off and left the dress on.”

She laughed, telling me she knew that perfectly well, but wanted to teach me a lesson in that if I’m going to flash, I may as well do it properly. I picked up a cushion and threw it at her, putting the dress back on and pulling my underpants off, dropping them on the floor and said, “I really don’t see what difference this will make.”

And I sat down and instantly got her point, even though I was controlling my movements my knees were still a little bit apart, and even though she’s seen me naked loads of times, I was still very aware of being almost on display.

“Ok, point taken.”

And my knees stayed together, but I wasn’t prepared to wear the dress back to the hospital, going back in my leggings with my clean clothes, new clothes and dresses in the bag. Once back in my room, it felt a little less like a prison, I felt a little less claustrophobic in there, and looking out the window at the park I felt I had a strong case for them letting me walk out there once a day soon.

The following day after all my daily measurements, I looked at the grey dress and decided to go with that, getting some compliments from a couple of the nurses which made me feel quite nice to be honest. When I was walking back from a morning examination, I made a mental note to get a small bag so I could at least carry some things, mainly my phone and some money. But in the afternoon I decided to go without my knickers as while I was waiting this morning I did find myself manspreading for a moment.

And while sitting there waiting in the afternoon with no panties on, I was also aware of how I was sitting, not just my legs being together but I was sitting more upright, unconsciously trying to do whatever I could to stop anyone looking up there, even crossing my legs and keeping my hands in my lap. When I told Annette a couple of hours later (who told me her daughter has a similar dress), she said while she didn’t approve of going commando, she understood the reasons for why.

I said, “There’s another advantage, wearing this makes my life a bit simpler when getting underdressed all the time, and I’m thinking during the day I’m going without all underwear, no bra, no panties, just because it’s so annoying putting them on and taking them off all the time.”

“Well, I hope you won’t go outside like that?” She was smiling as she said it, but also pointed out that some of my complaints about wearing bras are the same ones her daughters had when they started wearing them.

“But that’s the thing, they expected to wear them, I never expected any of this.”

She sat next to me on the bed and said, “I know, and you might not think it but you’re doing really well. This can’t be easy.”

Without even thinking I rested my head on her shoulder and said thanks once again. After she left I did get changed back into leggings and hoody and went out for a cigarette and a coffee, seeing my hot teacher friend. He stills gives me a lady boner, but our conversation which started as just being cordial, have moved on quite a bit.

He teaches Biology, which of course is suddenly interesting to me, but we talked about so much more, films, books, a surprising amount of history, some of the places we’ve both been, how we both love the National Gallery in London, not to mention Tate Modern. I’m not stupid enough to think he’s a friend, I mean, yes my body seems to fancy the pants of him, but I am a realist.

Today we talked about The Count of Monte Cristo, one of my favourite books and that he has just started to read, while he had got me reading more Shakespeare and currently working my way through Much Ado About Nothing. But as always, our time talking is cut short when he needs to go and deliver a mini lesson. I watched him walk off, daydreaming about things that only a few weeks ago would have really worried me, but now I seem to quite like having.

Back in my room I was looking for a much needed change of underwear and I put the now damp pair in a side pocket to wash later. But there was already something already in there, something that Sarah must have forgotten about and I wasn’t quite sure what to do about it. I mean, I could text her, but she might not want me to know she left them at mine. I reached in to take them out, but stopped and looked at the door. It was always open wide during the day unless the medical staff were in here, and I was worried if someone would see me.

Instead, I just handled them inside the pocket. The batteries were dead in the vibrator. It was about four inches long, not that thick but of course by now I’m well aware that it’s not designed to be thick and filling, the pleasure it gives comes from something else.

But the other item, well, that was designed to be filling, and with it’s suction base made for hands free use. I tried working out how big it was, estimating the bit that goes in to be at least six inches long and a good thickness. Ok, I need to know a bit more, see it a bit more clearly. Let the dog see the rabbit so to speak. ‘Oh, a rabbit, I’ve heard of them at least’ I thought to myself. I took the bag into the bathroom and locked the door, taking it out and holding it, then running it under the tap as the bag is quite dusty.

I was nervous, embarrassed and wondering what to do next…

The next day Jackie was back on duty, and I did go without a bra and commando in my dark blue jumper dress. I think she noticed as on her break she said ‘lets get a coffee’, teasing me by suggesting we take the stairs rather than the lift.

Once we sat at a table with out coffee, she said, “You seem a lot more relaxed wearing that. And it’s good to see you took my advice and are keeping your knees together.”

I flipped a finger at her, and we just chatted away like, well, like two girls together. But going back to the ward, I did need to walk up the stairs as there were loads of people waiting to use the lift, and I was squeezing my legs together to try and keep covered.

The next day I was walking along the corridor to get a coffee as I had no examinations this afternoon, thinking to myself I will get a few more dresses if they let me out this weekend, maybe even get fitted for a bra so I don’t always have to pull it over my head when I put it on, when I saw someone. Someone I really didn’t expect to see, to at least, not see this early on Wednesday.

It was the hot teacher, and I was in a dress for a change. I instantly crossed my arms, afraid of my my nipples betraying me as now I wasn’t wearing any underwear during the day and he says, “Hello, this makes a change seeing you inside. Trying to make a break for it?”

Why does he have to make me laugh each time!

He was heading down for a coffee having got here earlier today and asked me if I was getting one as well. I sort of stumbled a bit over my words for a change, mainly because I was in a dress and while covered, feeling exposed a bit, but the basic gist of it was I was going to get one as well. We sat down outside and he gave me a cigarette saying, “I’m still not sure I believe you’re old enough to have one?”

I bit my lip, wondering what I should say. I opted for, “How old do you think I am?”

He looked at me and said, “Well, when I first saw you smoking I thought you were about 13, but you said you were older. Sometimes you do look 13 or 14, but then others you look like maybe 19. When I saw you just now you looked 18, but then looked nervous and 13/14 again.”

He takes a sip of his coffee, clearly trying to think about what to say next. “Then when I talk to you, you don’t talk like a teenager in any way at all, like you’re old before your years, a lot older before your years, knowing a lot more about the world than I would have expected. It’s confusing sometimes.”

I nod and sip my coffee, trying to work out what to say next.

“Ok, I’m not going to tell you my age. But I will tell you why I’m in hospital.”

I take a drag on the cigarette and a sip of my coffee. “So, you definitely read about me in the news recently and…”

I told him all about what happened to me. He sat there and listened, only occasionally asking questions to help fill in any blanks I was missing, and when I finished speaking he sat there quietly before saying, “Shit, this must be really hard on you.”

I was expecting him to get up and walk away, but instead he put his hand on mine and said, “I hope you are as ok as you can be, and thank you for trusting me with this.”

Why didn’t he just get up and walk away? Why does he have to be so nice about this? He really isn't helping my teenage crush, and why am I having teenage crushes still! Puberty sucks when you go through it for the second time.

Anyway, after telling him, other than saying it explains so much about me now, we just chatted about things like we normally do. And then he added, “I will tell you one thing, you switched back to looking like an 18 year old again. It’s like your confidence came back. It’s nice to see.”

He paused for a couple of seconds, saying, “And as you’re not one of my students I no longer feel worried about someone accusing me of trying to groom you by giving you cigarettes!”

I burst out laughing, and slapped him lightly on the arm, “Like a cigarette and coffee would work on me!”

But the truth is that it was working on me, it started working on me the moment he smiled at me in the lift, and now I’m flipping from a teenage crush one moment, to a more adult ‘liking’ and back to the crush. After going our separate ways and I headed back to my room. I went straight to my bag, took it into the bathroom and locked the door. I felt no guilt or conflicting emotions as I took the dildo out, stuck it on the wall of the shower and gathered my dress around my waist.

I needed to adjust the height a couple of times, but there was no fear about putting something so masculine shaped inside me. I was tight, not surprising really, but I didn’t need any lube as hot teacher sorted that out for me. I felt my self open up as it entered me slowly, I didn't want to rush this and I pushed back slowly as it went deeper in me.

This was about curiosity, I wanted to know what it felt like to have a man shaped object inside, not the odd gloved finger and speculum of an examination, something designed to give sexual pleasure and once it was fully in me, or at least as deep as I think it could go in this body, I just stood there and relaxed while savouring the feeling.

It felt good inside me.

I had no idea how long I had in me, but I moved back and forth on it, feeling the ridges of the lifelike thing inside me as it moved inside my vagina. My vagina, my pussy. I was wrapped around it and just enjoying the moment.

Which came crashing down when I heard someone put a tray of food on the table in my room.

I moved forward to slide it out of me, but right at the tip I pushed back, doing that a couple of times before I forced myself to stop. I unstuck it from the wall and ran it under tap before I put it back in the bag, looking at myself in the mirror, my face flushed a little and dress around my waist, my pussy slick with wetness. I quickly wiped myself down and smoothed out my dress, going to have my meal.

Annoyingly, Jackie walked in at that moment to say bye as she was heading home, but then she stopped as she looked at my flush face and said, “Well, I guess you’ve been talking to someone tonight.” And her eyes flicked to the bathroom and I wondered if the room smelled of sex from my mini masturbation session. She never said anything, but she did pull the door almost shut as she left, so while I doubt she knows what I did, she probably thinks I was doing something more digitally based.

That happens in the shower each evening before bed.

The next day I did put my underwear on under my dress, but found I was much better at keeping my knees together now, and more aware of my posture, how I was moving and sitting. But on Friday of week six, right after seeing hot teacher and feeling a bit more confident in how I was, I took my panties off when I got back in my room, and rather than just riding the dildo in the shower, I just wanted to feel something nice inside me, I pulled the door almost shut, I gathered up my dress, pulled my pants off, slipped it into me gently and sat on the bed, just wanting to be filled and enjoy it while I was reading a somewhat erotic part of a book specially selected for this very reason.

Maybe twenty minutes passed in this gentle and soft enjoyable time, I was moving a little bit of up and down, not frantic or long strokes, just slow shallow ones every now and then during juicy bits, when Jackie walked in.

I froze, worried I was flushed, but she came along to say bye in case she doesn’t get a chance later as her boyfriend was picking her up, and that tomorrow they were letting me out on my own as they know can trust me not to be stupid. I squealed in delight, then froze for two reasons. Firstly, I squeezed down there and it felt quite nice, and secondly, I squealed in excitement like a girl. Well, I’m sitting on a dildo and rubbing my legs together to tickle my clit.

Jackie said, “I’m glad you’re excited about it. The timings are the same, you can leave at ten am, but need to be back by four pm. You get a whole six hours to relax, or do some washing and pick up any stuff you need.”

I wanted to get up and hug her in thanks, but of course I was stuck in place, impaled so to speak. But she added, “Oh, get up for a bit I’m going to change your sheets now, I didn’t get a chance earlier.”

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! What the fuck do I do now, this was such a stupid idea I should have waited till much later tonight. Jackie tapped my feet and told me to move and all I could do was try to hold it in place with muscles I didn’t yet know how to use. I moved to the edge of the bed, trying to pull the dress down behind me so it’s less obvious what I’m doing, and so far I can feel the dildo moving with me. Maybe this will work.

I stood up carefully, gripping it with all my strength, if I actually have any strength down there that is.

What actually happened is the moment I stood up I squeezed it out of me, and it dropped to the floor from between my legs and landing with a plop as the suction cap struck the floor. I was bright red, and Jackie stifled a laugh very quickly, moving to the door and shutting it completely, and rushing over to give me a hug. She whispered into my ear, “Don’t be embarrassed, it’s normal.”

And while holding me she moved me so we both sat on the bed, saying, “Two questions, did you enjoy it, and how on earth did you get it?”

Now I could laugh a little, telling her that if it’s something she enjoys, then she already knows my answer, and how I found it in the bag. Before she got to say anything else, her phone dinged with a text message and she said, “Shit, he’s here. Quick, give me a hand.” And I helped her change the sheets and she reminded me to pick up the dildo from the floor before she gave me a kiss on the cheek, saying that we will continue this conversation very soon.

After she left I wasn’t in the mood to read, let alone the other thing after that.

Saturday when I was allowed out, I got a cab home, put some washing on and just sat there enjoying a small taste of freedom and being by myself and unobserved all the time. My future was still weighing on my mind, but it was easier to focus on my immediate needs rather than my long term future, so I hit the shops to take my mind off it. While looking for some other trainers, I did giggle to myself about doing some retail therapy.

But I now had a pair that fit me now and I wasn’t so worried about them slipping off every time I needed to rush. Back at my apartment and wondering what I will do next, I looked at the new trainers admiring them, plain white as I still can’t generate opinions about colours or fashion, but I did like the thicker sole that gave me a bit more height (I now know that it’s a platform), and the raised heel (Yes, it’s a wedge style but not very high, just a bit higher).

Anyway, washing done and bits and pieces picked up, I went back to hospital and that evening I took my bag back into the bathroom, stuck the dildo on the wall and put the new batteries in the vibrator. It was time to learn a lot more about my new body, no matter how temporary it may be.

I had a very good time in there!

During the day I was always in a jumper dress and fully commando to make life simpler, and other than that one day with hot teacher, I still wasn’t ready to go solo outside in a dress. I talked to Annette about it, and finally admitted to getting to getting to know my body, which lead to a very funny conversation where we compared what we both liked, and that while some things were similar, others were different. I like a gentle clockwise rotation around my clit while being penetrated and she prefers a more vigorous rubbing of it.

I would have felt weird knowing that from her a few weeks ago, but confessing that you like that while having a dildo in you kinda takes the embarrassment away. I had a similar chat with Jackie, and well, she really surprised me in what she likes. But she was a sneaky cow as always, and opened the door to my bathroom while I was at it, fully naked pushing back on the dildo and trying to not to make any noise. Stepping away from it and feeling it slide out of me right in front of her, well, even that wasn’t as embarrassing as processing what she had told me.

On the Saturday when they let me out again, Jackie was free and came with me. Once back at my apartment and the weekly wash was on, she said, “How often are you masturbating?”

“Um, at least once a day I think, sometimes more. I’ve never quite made it to orgasm, or at least, while I enjoy it and each time it builds up, I’ve only ever got close and not had one yet.”

I looked at her sitting there as she said nothing, forcing me to go on.

“It’s really frustrating in so many ways. I mean, It’s like I still have my old sex drive, but now in a body that takes longer to get to the finish. And not only that, there’s times when a guy smiles at me and I just want to pull them into a room and jump them, just to know if it feels as good as I imagine it to.”

She still says nothing and I have no idea what I should say next. I’ve mentioned this a little bit to Annette, well, apart from wanting to jump guys. Jackie says, “So, you know I’m a swinger, right?”

I nod and she says, “Well, swinging still isn’t the right word, it’s more like a semi open relationship with occasional meet ups with a few others. Anyway, and don’t get mad about this, but I mentioned some of what you’re going through to my boyfriend.”

I’m confused, and she can see it in my face.

She says, “Do you want to borrow him? Today I mean.”

My jaw hits the floor. She can’t be serious, I mean, I’m a guy, I’m not interested in men. But then I see my reflection, my leggings are showing that I’m very much not a man, and my boobs make that even clearer. But I am still a guy in my head and not interested in men.

But why do I call him ‘Hot Teacher’?

I look back at her.

My jaw hits the floor. She can’t be serious, I mean, I’m a guy, I’m not interested in men. But then I see my reflection, my leggings are showing that I’m very much not a man, and my boobs make that even clearer. But I am still a guy in my head and not interested in men.

I look back at her.

She smiles at me, she can see I already know the answer to the question, but I’m still not sure. Well, that’s not true, I am sure, I am very curious, but there’s still this little voice in the back of my head telling me that it’s wrong.

Jackie stands up and says, “Look, you can just meet him to see what you think, you don’t have to go through with it, but it’s pretty clear to me that you’re going to end up doing it anyway. At least this way, you know you’re not going to regret doing it with some creep.”

I really don’t know, but she hands me my jacket and puts hers on. I seem to be on autopilot, and just go along with her, sitting in the cab there and feeling really nervous about even meeting a guy this way. Jackie is clearly texting him and saying we’re headed there, but I was elsewhere in my head.

There was a lot of things that, well, lets face it are based on my old thoughts and feelings, but I also can’t deny I really enjoy the feeling of the dildo inside me. And while I enjoy it and feel satisfied afterwards, there’s also something missing. I still haven’t had an orgasm and it’s not like I’m not aware of how good they are meant to be. I would like to enjoy that at least once.

Jackie took my hand and walked me into her flat, not really needing to sense my nervousness about this. She might be used to having multiple partners at once, even looking across and seeing her boyfriend with other women while she’s with other men, but I guess I’ve always had a boring and simple sex life compared to her.

Walking into the living room, she said, “Honey, we’re here.”

I followed her in, feeling very, very nervous and ready to bolt, but there is a guy, not bad looking in the process of standing up and wearing a bathrobe. She said, “This is Lew. Lew, this is Ron.”

I reached out to shake his hand, I mean, that’s what I would normally do and I have no idea what the etiquette is for this type of thing. He took my hand and shook it gently, saying hello and my nerves were at an all time high. He looks at Jackie and said, “You never said she was cute, I mean, are you sure she used to be that guy?”

I was about to open my mouth to say something, but she told him I was, that I’m actually 58, even taking my wrist to show him the plastic hospital bracelet for him to read. He said, “Oh, it’s Lew, not Lou. That makes sense. Sorry, I was expecting a much older looking woman.”

Jackie laughed and said, “Lew has worked very hard to keep that bit of information out of the news, so please keep her secret.”

He looked me up and down again, and then I noticed something going on with him. I wasn’t aware of it earlier, but it’s there and, well, growing at a rate that I was expecting it to poke through the robe any second. Jackie saw it, and looked at him with a raised eyebrow, and he said, “So, um. I was expecting someone a bit more, well, ugly. So just in case I took one of our weekend pills.”

I had no idea what he was on about, other than me not looking 58 of course, so when Jackie saw my confusion, she said, “Cialis”.

I still had no idea, so she said, “It’s like viagra, but lasts longer and normally saved for our parties.” And she gave him a look to say she wasn’t happy about him doing that.

Anyway, we sat there for a few minutes, and I was feeling more awkward than I wanted to admit, now wondering if even agreeing to come here was a mistake, when Jackie took my hand and said to follow her, taking me into what looked like their spare bedroom. She sat me down, told me to stay and left, coming back a moment later with Ron in tow, sat him down on the bed next to me and said, “I’m leaving you two alone for a bit.” Then looking at me said, “It’s up to you what happens next.”

And she walked out, leaving me in there with her boyfriend, who is now poking out of his robe ever so slightly. I was trying not to looks at it, but I obviously did and he said, “Sorry, I guess this is really awkward for both of us.” And he adjusted his robe to cover it up.

I must have made a face as he said, “Sorry, were you looking?”

And while I was trying to shake my head to say no, it was pretty obvious I was, I mean, I’ve never been this close to one that hard that wasn't attached to me. He smiled and said, “I’ll tell you what, I’m ok with you looking.”

And he stood up, undoing the belt and taking it off, letting the robe drop to the floor. He stood there in more ways than one, and I couldn’t take my eyes off it. “Is this the first one you’ve seen.”

So, it most definitely was the first one I’ve seen, and I was staring at it intently, mouth slightly open and I couldn't put a word in my mouth, so I just nodded and kept looking. He sat back down next to me, and said, “Why don’t you take your jacket off?”

I took it off, still looking at his erect penis, I mean, I’ve been thinking about them a lot recently, more so since I started using the dildo and he was about the same size, maybe a bit thicker than my toy. Anyway, he suggested I just relax, be here in the same place as someone with a erection, and he asked me about what my previous job was.

Slowly I started to talk more, answering his questions with actual details rather than single words, but my eyes were very fixed on his, well, his cock. Soft ones are a penis, but hard ones, hard ones you can’t take your eyes off as you watch it move with every one of his heartbeats, they are cocks.

He suggested I kick my trainers off, and strangely I was worried about looking a bit shorter if we stood up, but they were kicked off. I said, “Ok, I have no idea what will happen next, but I am used to being naked.”

I did stand up, took my tee shirt off, and then my CK bra, and before I got too scared and bottled it, I pulled down my leggings and pants, kicking them off and sitting back down next to him, forcing myself not to fold my arms. I looked at him, his face that is, and said, “I’m nervous”.

He told me that is completely understandable, and he picked up my hand, gently stroking the back of it with his thumb, trying to help me stay relaxed. I was still quite nervous, not quite freaking out but also enjoying the moment. Normally I’m the only one naked in a room at any time, now I’m not alone, and at least in this respect I feel comfortable. I start looking at his cock again, wondering if I should reach out to hold it or not, so I look at his face to ask permission.

His hand comes up to my face and turns me towards him as he leans in for a kiss. Out lips almost touch but I pull away. “Sorry, I’m not sure I’m ready to kiss a man just yet”. He smiles and tells me it’s ok, we will move at my speed, so I ask, “Can I, you know, touch it?”

His hand runs gently from my face down my neck, barely touching me as his hand slides over my shoulder and down my arm, taking my hand and moving it towards his hardness, stopping a few inches away and letting go of me. I hovered there, and he was giving me permission to take the final step. It was difficult, I sort of stayed there for a while, not going forward and touching it, wondering if I could, but I also didn’t move away, so just thought to myself, ‘get it over with, you want this.’

I wrapped my hand around it, holding him gently and slowly moved my fingers up and down, feeling the length of it, how it was both hard and soft at the same time. It was time to man up, I could feel how wet and ready I was down there, so I let go and moved over on the bed, laying on my back with my legs apart just enough to invite him to join me. He did.

He moves so he is above me, his hard cock pointing towards me, and then lays down, keeping all his weight off me while ensuring there is contact everywhere. I open my legs wider and I feel him touch me down there for the first time and now I know I am ready for this. He lifts his chest up from me, and bends down and licks a nipple and my body goes wild with desire. He knows I want this now, and he moves his hips forward, and the tip of his cock is pressing against me, trying to find it’s way in. I reach down and take hold of him, lining him up and the tip is now right at the entrance and he senses it, pushing forward gently and the head of his cock goes in me.

My eyes open wide as they roll backwards and I moan in pleasure.

The first cock inside me feels amazing and I look at him, he can see that I am happy and he starts to move deeper into me. I reach and put one hand behind his neck and pull him down towards me.

I needed to be kissed.

He was gentle, loving and perfect as my first. He felt even better than the dildo, hot hard flesh moving inside you feels great, I loved the way I felt full with him in there, And kissing, wow! Who knew it could be that great to kiss a man, especially a man who was inside you at the same time. I might not have been completely in the moment, but there was a part of my mind wondering if I’ve been missing out in the past by not enjoying this as often as I could.

I was riding a wave of pleasure, trying to keep focused to the new feelings I was having when I realised that he was going to beat me to it. His breathing changed and his pace went from trying to give me pleasure to getting there for himself. He pressed into me and I felt him twitching inside me as he pumped into me.

Did I feel it? Well, yes and no. You can’t feel anything beyond the twitching and a slight enlargement of his cock inside you. Oh, and a wetness, more wet than it was before.

Anyway, we lay there together and he went to climb off me but I wrapped my arms and legs around him to keep him in me for a bit longer. And then there was a gentle knock on the door and Jackie opened it, poking her head round asking “How are you getting on in there? Oh, you’re literally in there I guess.”

She’s clearly comfortable talking to people when they have sex, even if it’s her boyfriend, but I said, “It’s ok, you can come in. We just finished and are laying here together.”

She knelt down by the bed and said, “Together, or together together?”

He said the latter and she asked me how I felt. “We’ll, I was very nervous and scared to even kiss him, but we kissed, once he was inside me that is.”

I gave him a quick kiss and said, “I like it a lot.”

She laughed and told him to pull out or the condom might spill, and I exchanged a look with him. Jackie said, “Oh no, you didn’t did you? Ron you promised!”

I began apologising profusely, that it was all my fault I should have been more aware of what I was doing, but just got carried away with myself. He apologised saying the same as well, and she told him off for not thinking about me, and me for not thinking about the risk of pregnancy. We both sat there meekly and embarrassed as Jackie lectured us and she was absolutely right about the whole thing. I said, “You’re right, I do need to be careful, I always was in the past, I need to be better in the future.”

She looked at me like she was disappointed with me, and I said, “But it did feel really nice.”

And she started to laugh saying I had an hour before we had to leave, so I had better be careful and enjoy the next sixty minutes. And I did. I quite enjoyed riding him cowgirl, and while as a man I never particularly enjoyed doggy as I always like physical contact of body on body and there’s not a lot of that in doggy, but as a girl it feels amazing! There was one other good thing that happened, I finally had my orgasm as a girl, while riding and grinding on him.

Jackie made me take a shower before we left and suggested a douche just in case there was any cum left in me, pointing out that it might be too late and a difficult conversation might happen in a couple of weeks. Anyway, I picked up my washing and got a cab back to hospital as Jackie said she had no intention of wasting the Cialis so he had better expect to be sore by morning.

The next week was a repeat of the previous, apart from the sex of course, although I found I had less of a desire to use the toys now, wondering if like in Toy Story they come alive when I’m not looking and wondering why I don’t play with them all the time anymore. I was now allowed to go for a walk in the park opposite, not too far, but at least I got to stretch my legs each day. And of course, I was still talking to hot teacher, but now my lady boner was under a bit more control thanks to Ron.

The following weekend I was allowed out by myself on the Saturday and after putting my washing on, I went shopping. I think at this point I was a lot more comfortable being a woman, well, girl, and so while shopping I decided to get some different clothes. Basically, I brought some teeshirts and actual jumpers this time, plus a couple of dresses and a denim skirt.

I actually own skirt I paid for myself, tried on, rejected, tried on several others and then went back to buy the first one I rejected. My god, I’m shopping like a girl now. I even looked at some lingerie, but wasn’t really sure what I wanted to buy, so decided to leave that till next week and to do some research to work out what I might like to buy and what to wear.

The next day being a Sunday, I only had a measurements in the morning and no other tests, so I went for a walk in the park, but not too far as it rained, but I did enjoy being out there. One of the nurses lent me an umbrella, something I had never used in my entire life as I didn’t see the point in them, but without any waterproofs to wear I had little choice. I’ve always enjoyed walking in the rain, no one ever bothers anyone else as they are too busy trying to stay dry, and all the umbrella did for me was keep my head and shoulders dry.

And that was something else I would need to add to my shopping list if I ever get released, some proper walking gear so I can get out in the countryside, assuming that is something they would let me do if they can’t fix me. While walking I was thinking about the sex with Ron. There’s no denying I enjoying it a lot, and Jackie has been sneaking in pregnancy tests for me to do every couple of days. I understand why she was so worried, how exactly would we explain it away without her getting in trouble? I kept telling her I would say I hooked up with some random guy on a day out if it does happen, keeping her name out of it, but it did make me wonder about my future.

Firstly, if I get out and they can’t change me back, do I want to be a mother? I had never wanted to be a father so will I want this new option? Also, if I can change back, could I reject the idea of sex with me in the future? I really enjoyed it and it was so much better than being with a woman, will I still be attracted to men if I get changed back?

And what if they find out how to do it and give me the choice, do I take it?

More questions for another day, but I still don’t want to tell Annette I lost my virginity just yet.

Anyway, as I headed back in, I bumped into hot teacher and we chatted for a bit, not long as he said he didn’t want to keep me hanging about while I’m all wet. I laughed, I couldn’t help it, and didn’t want to explain to him why I was laughing, just saying he made me very happy and I will make sure I see him on Monday at the usual time.

When I got back to my room I had a visitor, Sarah. We had been texting and chatting a bit, not a huge amount, but it was really good to see her. Today, she had some gifts for me, nothing exciting, just some chocolate and we sat down to share it while talking about very little. I didn’t really want to tell her I had sex, I mean, I don’t want her to think I jumped onto the first cock that was presented to me. I did do just that of course, and while I feel that I’ve moved on from our relationship, she might have not just yet.

She was over me, she had taken her house off the market and was going to stay at work and while she wasn’t seeing anyone, she had been on a couple of dates but nothing beyond drinks. I wanted to ask what people thought had happened to me, but to be honest that wasn’t my life anymore. She did tell me much later that people thought we had just broken up, and it was easier for her to let them think that than face hundreds of questions. Fair enough really.

One thing that was funny is that she noticed my finger nails were long and asked why I hadn’t sorted them yet. “Oh, that’s easy. I keep forgetting to pick up any nail clippers.”

She winced, and said, “No, that’s not good enough anymore.” And picked up her bag, bringing out some nail files and showed me how to tidy them up and she even gave them a bit of shape. I’m not sure they were a lot shorter, but I did draw the line at her painting them. When she left to go home, we hugged and it was funny really, she’s always been an attractive woman, but I felt no physical attraction to her anymore, but when she kissed the top of my head and said to look after myself, well, I got a clear sense she felt none for me either. This visit was her closure, and that’s a good thing.

And then there was Monday, A lot happened and where do I start?

After my morning measurements I had a visit from the consultant and Annette, and when both turn up at once I’m expecting it to be bad news. Last time it was my oncoming period, but this time I was a little scared they might be here to tell me I was pregnant.

It wasn’t that, thank god.

They wanted to tell me that while they want me to stay in for at least two more weeks, they think I need to start accepting that I’m going to be a girl for the future now, and that while they have no idea if I will live to my original age or if it’s reset, I need to accept this is who I am.

I want to say I was upset but I think I’ve accepted it already, a hard cock inside you can really turn your mind on to new things. Anyway, I was going to be having some daily therapy sessions and a lot more tests carried out before they decide to let me go free, with ongoing monitoring of course. So Monday was a day of me feeling like a pin cushion, they seemed to photograph me inside and out with many different machines, and the speculum seemed to be expanded to new depths and widths.

When that was finally over I went back to my room, put on some leggings and went out for a coffee and cigarette, looking forward to a walk around the park to refuel my spirits before this is all repeated tomorrow. As I walked out the hospital carrying my cup, I heard a voice call my name and stoped dead. I completely forgot about meeting hot teacher, so stopped and waited for him to catch up. “Hey, how are yo…..Are you ok?”

I looked at him and said, “Are you free to walk and talk for a bit?”

He obviously said of course, and we walked saying nothing and he waited for me to start speaking. I was a bit annoyed about that, I mean, I understand why, a woman would normally open up but I was still very much in both worlds, so time to man up again.

“They think they can’t fix me.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

I looked at him and said, “It’s ok, I think I knew that but they pretty much confirmed it today and I have hundreds of tests to be done over the next few days and it’s a bit depressing really.”

We walked a bit further in silence, then he said, “Is being a woman so bad?”

I didn’t reply immediately, eventually saying, “To be honest, I’m quite liking it, but there are problems. For example, I’m both older and younger than you at the same time, and it’s going to be really difficult to go into a pub and order a drink, let alone buy more cigarettes. Right now it’s really expensive as I’m getting my lawyer to buy them for me, but I can’t keep asking him to do that.”

I took a deep breath, wondering what I should tell him. “Oh, and my ex girlfriend is starting to move on, which I’m pleased about, but…”

And I stopped talking, not wanting to say it, so he said it for me. “Now you like men anyway.”

I stopped walking, and after two steps he did as well, looking at me with a smile. He said, “It’s ok, I can tell, when I was trying to pretend I wasn’t looking at women, you were trying to pretend you weren't looking at men.”

I went very suddenly shy, wondering if he ever noticed me looking at him, but again, he beat me to it, “Yes, I’ve seen you looking at me. I’m a teacher, I see girls looking at teachers all the time when they have a crush.”

I started walking again and he fell into step next to me. “Is that how you see me, like one of the girls at your school?” Oh god! I really do sound like a schoolgirl with a crush.

He said, “No, I could never see you as a school girl, you’re far too old!”

I burst out laughing and said, “If you speak to me like that again young man I will put you over my knee!”

He started to say something, but stopped himself, and we carried on walking, and well, I felt a bit flirty now and said, “I wonder if that’s something I will like, being put over a knee and given a spanking.”

I timed it perfectly, he was taking a sip of coffee and spat it out. I looked at him and said, “Nah, the idea is fun though.” I started walking backwards in front of him, saying, “Do you think it would be fun?” And before I turned to walk forwards, I flicked my eyes down at his groin and said, “Doesn’t look like it. Good.”

I heard him start to run after me so I ran quickly, not intending to get very far when I felt two hands on my sides, tickling me.

It was torture! I would have given him anything to stop, but by then I didn’t care, his arms were around me and my arms went around his neck and we kissed.

We kissed.

We both broke it at the same time, and both said ‘sorry’ together, both feeling embarrassed by what just happened and I suggested we sit down and talk. I said, “I’m really sorry, I shouldn't have let that happen. I knew I was attracted to you from when I first saw you, and with me looking like this and your job, well, it’s a bad idea. I’m sorry,”

He said, “You are right, it was a bad idea for all the reasons you said.” He paused for a couple of seconds. “But I’m not sorry it happened. It is confusing though.”

I giggled a bit and said, “You’re right, the age gap either means I’m taking advantage of you or you’re taking advantage of me. But I want you to know, you are not taking advantage of me.”

He said, “Well, not tonight anyway, I have a lesson to deliver and I’m already technically late.”

We stood up and walked back, but this time we walked a little closer together, not touching on purpose, but it happened a couple of times and we looked at each when it did and smiled. All the way back we said nothing, each lost in our thoughts of how inappropriate anything happening would be, but I did wonder if like me he was thinking just how far we could take this.

Anyway, the only other thing we said was that we would meet for a coffee on Wednesday.

Hospital stuff between then was just more hospital stuff, but on Wednesday we just sat and drank coffee, and I think like me he was afraid to go for a walk in the park in case we kissed again, so we arranged to meet up for a coffee on the Friday.

Well, on Friday, there were no free seats outside, so we did go into the park and walk. We kept the conversation light, avoiding the elephant in the room, and having no real plan for where to walk. For me I was just pleased to be out and moving and can’t speak for him. I don’t think he planned it, and I’m certain I didn’t, but there was a part of the park that had been allowed to go wild, with just a few paths going through it that weren’t tarmac’d, so often wet and uneven.

That’s where we needed up walking while talking about Shakespeare and we both stopped at the same time, looked around and realised we were alone. I dropped my coffee cup and he dropped his and we launched our lips at each other. The tension between us since Monday disappeared in our desire to kiss, and being shorter I need to stand on tip toe to reach him. His hands were running through my hair and I could feel his erection pressing against me and I needed to know.

I might have pushed him backwards into a bit more cover, it was hard to tell as it could have been him pushing me, but we were completely hidden and I felt his hands on my bum, pulling me into him.

I’m really not complaining at all.

His hands moved up under the back of my hoody, a bit cold at first but so very welcome and I know that throughout the whole session together, anywhere my hands could reach while we kissed they touched. I moved away slightly, just enough so I could reach down and feel him, and he used the space to run his hands from my waist and up to my boobs, cupping them as he pushed my bra up. As his thumbs gently played with my nipples, I went for it and put my hand into his trousers, wrapping my hand around him.

Well, I only have one experience of holding a hard cock and this one is bigger.

We kissed and he played with my, well, my tits while I stroked his cock, but having a hand down the front of his trousers wasn’t that easy, so I took my hand out and undid the button and his flies, pulling him out into the air and kept stroking him. I would have been happy to just kiss, but this, this was a lot better. His touch on my skin was a million times better than Jackie’s boyfriend. With him, I was just experimenting, but this, this was because I wanted to do it. And based on how hard he is he wants it as well. His hand ran down my stomach and slipped into my leggings, going right where I wanted them and a finger slipped into me. This was the first time I got fingered by someone else, and I moaned in pleasure as he moved the finger around inside me.

He said, “I’m going to cum.”

I really wasn’t thinking and instead sped up, wanting to give him the release that I was yearning for.

“Stand back, I don’t want it to go over your clothes.”

And he had a point, but I had too much passion going right now, I wanted to stay close to him, so I did something a girl once did for me when we got carried away. I used my free hand to push down the front of my leggings and panties, and pushed him into them so he could cum in there with limited cleanup till later.

Shame I forgot what happened next all those years ago, but this time I was on the other end of it.

When I put him in there I let go and wrapped my arms around him, moving my hips to help bring over the final steps and of course, he moved as well, rubbing himself on me down there and he groaned and I felt the first spurt in my panties. Which made everything slick down there and he slipped into me. Not a lot, just a little, well, maybe half of it and I felt him twitch in me. I could have pushed him away, but I didn’t want to. I wanted it as much as he did.

We stood there as he came down from his orgasm inside me, and me, well, I was panting as well. I never had an orgasm, but I was feeling very satisfied as we stood there, holding on to each other, my legs slightly apart to allow him access and his trousers around his knees.

I said, “Remember when I said we shouldn’t have kissed?”

I felt him laughing and he said, “Yep, and I remember saying I’m not sorry it happened. I really hope you’re not sorry about this either.”

I pulled him closer, but he was softening and beginning to slide out of me, so we stepped apart. I pulled up my leggings and there was a lot of wetness between my legs, but I was ok about it. He went to pull up his trousers, but I could see a problem just he could, so I bent down and did something I wasn’t sure I ever would, and took him into my mouth to clean him up. It was nice.

We walked back together and he had a lesson to deliver and me, well, I needed to clean up, and again we didn’t say much, but for a change we rode up in the lift together, There were a few others in there with us, and we did touch fingers a few times, sharing a secret smile, but he got off two floors before me, and gave me a nod, saying with his eyes he will see me soon. As I walked back to the ward, Jackie called me before I got to my room saying I had a quick exam and to hurry up.

I followed her down the corridor, feeling the squelch in my panties and trying to stop to go to the toilet to clean up, but she said it won’t take long. It actually didn’t, but I was a bit blindsided by this as we walked into a room and the two doctors in there asked me to go behind the curtain and strip off. I looked around for something I could use to clean up, but Jackie followed me as I stripped. Of course, when my underwear came off she saw it, her eyes going wide, then rolling them at me.

She pulled a packets of tissues out of her pocket and handed it to me, giving me a chance to at least wipe myself before stepping out there. Thankfully it wasn’t an internal exam, just some extra photos of my body to compare for the record as they had stopped doing that every day. Once it was over, we walked back and she said nothing until we passed a toilet and she pulled me in, saying, “What the fuck just happened?”

I told her, even finding my own excuse of ‘we only put it in a little bit’ pathetic, but she laughed and said, “Ok, well I think we need to talk about some birth control for you. And seriously, you used to be a man, you must have known what would happen.”

Back in my room we had a more serious talk about it, and that I would talk to Annette about everything that happened. Which made the next day very interesting, with Annette making all of Monday free just to talk to me between the various appointments I was going to have. After talking to the gynaecologist about getting an IUD fitted, she asked if it could be done that week, and to be honest I don’t blame her, I’m not sure I can be trusted with these desires. But back in my room, hoping to be free so I could go and meet hot teacher, the Consultant arrived.

Great. I’m either getting more bad news or a joint telling off for unprotected sex.

It was neither. They said they were going to release me on Saturday, but I would have to come back on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for more checks, but only about an hour each time.

I was stunned, and half an hour later heading down to see hot teacher so we could have a more serious conversation about what happened. Not only that, I think that as he has now been inside me, I really should try and find out his name. I think he did mention it, but only in the sense of his teacher name, Mr something or other, and I need to know what to call him. When I got down there he wasn’t around, so I guessed I missed him, it’s happened before so no big deal, but I waited a bit longer than normal to try and see him on the way out of the hospital to share my good news. I didn’t see him.

On Wednesday I made sure I was a bit early for him, waiting and waiting, and still nothing. Again, not a big deal, don’t think about it too deeply I kept telling myself. On Friday, with my brand new IUD freshly fitted, I felt great. Tomorrow I was going home right after my morning measurements, and I wanted to see hot teacher, I desperately wanted to tell someone other than Sarah or my solicitor (who I gave a very big shopping list to and will undoubtedly charge me three times the value of things, not to mention their time). As I was going to be going home, I decided now was as good a time as any to wear a dress outside, but first I put on some underwear. It’s fine going commando around the hospital for convenience, but I think I should wear something right now.

Sitting there on the bench in our usual area, I waited and still I wasn’t seeing him. By now it was impossible not to think that I had overdone it with him, going a little to far for him. I mean, I’m not stupid, I know that I look younger than I am, and maybe as he’s a teacher it was just a step too far for him and he just felt guilty about it when he sat down to think about being inside me.

I waited over an hour in the hope of seeing him, but it was time to face facts. I dropped my cup in the recycling, headed back to my room and on the way decided to give my solicitor something else to do; It was time to put my big girl pants on and change my name.

I walked into my apartment, dropping my bag on the bed and just sat down, finally home and released from hospital. Well, kinda released. I was now an outpatient and had to return every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for tests and measurements, but now I can sleep in my own bed. I looked about the room, wondering about my future and what I will do from now on, but in the meantime, I had a weekend to relax and do very little.

In the kitchen my solicitor had left a few of the things that I asked him to pick up, (cigarettes, some beer and some wine), and I half heartedly look through them, moving things about and the beer into the fridge, noticing the lack of food in there and making that my priority for today. Getting home from picking up some ready cooked meals, I decided to run a bath, and just chill, I mean, I literally have nothing to do, and while I wait for my name change to go through I have no ID to get me in anywhere or buy anything fun. I’m not even sure I would be able to get into the cinema to see some films, so relaxing is a good thing to do.

As I lay there in the bath, I thought back on my decision to change my name from Lew, short for Lewis, to Louise and feeling more comfortable with it each day, it’s not like I need to change anything for anyone else other than my ID. Over the last 25 years while building up my old business I slowly lost touch with my friends as I was just too busy to maintain them. Then it was just business acquaintances I went drinking with or played golf with, even though I hate it, it was good for contacts. Then there was Sarah of course, introduced to her by an old PA as a blind date, and she became the focus of my life. She’s happy I’m home now, but she’s in London and we’re not together, so not really around to spend time with me. Getting out the bath at risk of becoming a prune, I just sat around the rest of the day, watching TV or streaming something, not really paying attention, just happy to be crashed out on my sofa while doing it.

The next week was a lot of nothing, even the hospital visits felt like repeats of every other day while there, and Annette said she was a bit worried about me. I pointed out it’s not like I can do much while I’m constantly back at hospital for appointments each week, and she told me I needed to at least get out of the house a bit. So that’s what I did, twice a week I made sure I went for a walk, looking in the shops, and just being out and having a coffee sometimes. I’m not sure when I noticed it, but I became aware of how men were looking at me, and one day I was walking through an area I had walked through before and I felt extremely unsafe. I had never felt this way as a man, but I felt vulnerable and small. I mean, I am smaller than I was, but still, I felt very nervous. From then on I always considered where I walked, but I was always aware of how men looked at me, worried that I ever did that in the past. I probably did and made a mental apology to every woman in the world.

On the third week at home, I had a laundry crisis. No more clean leggings to wear and I couldn't face going for a walk in a dress, so I pulled out the denim skirt I had brought and put that on along with a jumper I had picked up. Looking at myself in the mirror I was quite happy with the look, turning each way to look at myself and mentally shaking the image from my head. I had looked to see how I looked in it, not really sure what I was going to do if I wasn’t happy with it.

I said to myself, “Fuck it, you’re Lou not Lew now, live with it.”

And before I bottled it I picked up a bag and walked out the door.

I had no plan on where to go, but found myself walking down the main streets towards town, guessing I was going to go looking in the shops. Well, I’m not sure how it happened, I’m really not as it wasn’t my intention, but somehow I replaced my old shoulder bag that I used to use to carry my stuff in to work, and ended up with not only a smallish handbag, but also one off those ones you can wear as a backpack. I of course moved everything into that as why carry three bags when I can carry one, but I also went shopping and picked up a pair of shoes and some boots, one of which had heels. We’re not talking four inch ones, but they had heels, cone or tapered shaped I guess that were two inches and the boots were flats, but came above my knees. I was quite taken by the boots as while it wasn’t cold, it wasn’t warm either so I detoured to the toilets to change into them.

After that I felt if not warmer in reality, I mean the skirt is quite short, I at least felt a bit more covered up from some of the looks I got from creepy guys. Well, there was one guy who looked that I didn’t mind looking and I smiled at him, but when he walked towards me I got scared and walked into a department store to avoid him.

And then I got a surprise when a voice said, “Hi, would you like a makeover?”

I stopped dead, I had no idea what a makeover is, I mean, I know that women get them but what about me? I said, “Um, I’m not sure. What does it involve?”

She gave me a smile and said, “Do your parents not let you wear make up? I wouldn't want to get you in trouble.”

Great, she thinks I’m a kid! But then again, I keep forgetting that sometimes I look young and without a mirror nearby to get a feel on how I looked right now and not wanting to embarrass her so said, “Oh, no, I am allowed, I’ve just never had one before.”

She invited me to sit down and I had my first lesson in how to put make up on, pretending I knew what some of the terms were that she said and getting a few of the things she recommended, followed by some of the things I would need to put it on with and of course remove it. Walking home I won’t say I felt better, but I definitely felt a lot more confident in myself.

I thought to myself I hope I can find some tutorials on YouTube to help me. Of course when I looked I said to myself, ‘Oh you poor sweet summer child!’

The next day at the hospital and after my measurements and various tests, Annette commented that I was wearing some eyeliner and I told her all about what happened, including the looks from creepy men.

She said, “Well, you’re a woman now, and sadly I have to tell you that while you need to get used to it, I hope you will never stop being angry about it.”

I said, “You’re telling me, sister!”

And we looked at each other and started giggling.

We talked a lot about my boredom, not surprising really as I never expected to have nothing to do other than be myself, but she said I just need to put myself out there, ‘But please, if you really put yourself out there, then use protection!’

Once again I apologised for my previous stupidity, but telling her I don’t know if I’m ready to do that again. She looked at me for a while and said, “Why not?”

I had no immediate answer, promising to think about it. And that’s what I did while having a coffee in the high street later and a guy was looking at me from the other side of the shop, not too ugly, a little shy maybe, mid twenties I guess. I was trying to look at my reflection in the window to work out how old I looked to him in my leggings and jumper, but he really gave me the time to think about men. I was still a little hurt about not seeing hot teacher again and I think I was maybe getting over him, which made me wonder, should I get under some other guys like the shy guy?

But how can I do that, it’s not like I can go out to the pub easily enough on dates with no ID and looking like I do? I what about guys near my physical age? What doe the law say about this, I mean, physically I’m under 16, mentally I’m well over it, so is it morally wrong or ethically wrong to that?

I picked up my phone about to search for ‘how to get over a guy and hook up with others’, guessing it must be in one of the women’s magazines when I stopped and looked at my reflection, mentally face palming myself.

Tinder.

Well, I’m going to need some photos of myself, and girls my physical age are always taking selfies, so that is what I did, sitting there taking quite a few, then signing up for insta to get me started. I need more selfies, so at home I tried on several outfits and posted them, followed by a few depending on what I was wearing when out and about, along with any photos I liked that didn’t include me in them. I did stop myself from taking photos of food.

Over the next week I talked to loads of guys on tinder, matching with anyone that caught my eye in any way, and using an age range of 18-55. I learnt a few things quite quickly. A lot of older guys are clearly delusion when it comes to matching with a younger woman (I put my age as 19 as I didn’t think I could get away with much more), teens boys are dumb and really boring to talk to, but I seem to have a sweet spot of between 25-35 where they are more interesting to talk to. Plus, with teens I was constantly worried about saying the wrong thing and having no idea of their cultural references. I am aware of Taylor Swift, but who the hell are BTS? I was getting bored of having to google almost everything to understand them..

Anyway, I was only interested in talking to them on the app at this point, I had no interest in doing anything else, but having so many conversations on the go at once did make things less boring for me, and it was funny the way that they all tried to make me laugh.

But then something awful happened.

Well, not awful, it just really upset me. I checked my old email account and other than a couple of spam ones, there were three from old acquaintances that even if I hadn’t changed I would have ignored. But there was one other about an event I always make an effort to go to, always make sure my diary was free for a few days each side of it, and now I couldn't see a way that I could go.

It was a reunion for my old army battalion, held every year and one of the few times we ever saw each other. These were guys I would have given my life for and they would have for me, maybe still would, but I just couldn't see it working this time. Just imagine it, “Hi guys, do you think I’ve changed and what do you think of my LBD, I’ve used the regimental tie as a belt?”

I got depressed, looked through old photos from when I served and thought about those no longer with us, the old boys who were great to talk to and how much I would miss being there, wondering what my old section would think when I didn't turn up.

Well, I got depressed and then I got pissed, very pissed. I was stumbling around my apartment cursing my new body and it’s limited ability to handle alcohol until I collapsed on the bed and tried to fall asleep as the room span around me. And then, due to the abnormal fluid intake, I needed the toilet and something happened for the first time since the change. I stood there and pulled down the front of my leggings and reached in to pull out what isn’t there.

I wet myself and stood there crying while it happened.

Once I stopped, and of course stopped feeling sorry for myself I stripped off my leggings and underwear, used them to wipe myself down, cleaned up the mess, dropped them in the laundry basket and cleaned myself up. I’m not sure how I did that, I mean I was fairly drunk, but I was also once a soldier and if there’s one thing a squaddie can do is clean up to avoid getting in trouble. Anyway, I made my way back to bed, lay down and must have fallen asleep.

In the morning I woke up to a banging head. Wait, no, not a banging head, that’s actually not that bad, so what’s going on? Oh, someone is knocking on the door. I sat up, getting my thoughts in order and made my way to open it, finding a man standing outside in overalls and holding a toolbox. He instantly looked away and said, “Sorry miss, are your parents in?”

I said, “What?”

“Your parents, I’m here to do the annual check on the smoke detectors for the building?”

I looked over my shoulder wondering what he was on about and remembered how I look and said, “Oh, no parents, I’m the adult here. Do you want to come in?”

He paused and said, “Are you sure that’s ok?”

I must have looked confused and he waved at me with his arm while looking away and I looked down. Oh. I had a tee shirt on, but of course I had left the bottom half of my clothes in the laundry basket last night. There was no point covering up and a smile crossed my face, I mean, It’s not like I’m not used to being naked around men I’ve never met before.

I told him to do what he needs to do and I went into the kitchen and put the kettle on, asking if he wanted a coffee or some tea as much as I did. He said something, but I got two cups ready and then jumped in the shower to get cleaned up properly.

I walked in to the kitchen five minutes later naked with a towel around my head as he was doing something to the smoke detector and I said, “Is instant coffee ok?”

He looked at me and dropped his screwdriver, so I carried on, “Look, it’s fine, but just to make it clear this isn’t an invite or some terrible porno. I’m just relaxed about being naked.”

Once again he mumbled something, I mean, he must have been around 50, so I walked away and let him get on with what he was doing and left the coffee on the table. Did I bend at the waist when I put it down with my back to him? Well, a lady doesn’t tell, ok, this lady is telling you a lot, but use your imagination for once. Ten minutes later he checked the one on the hallway and I smiled at him, now doing my daily YouTube yoga in the living room, except I don’t normally do it naked.

Turns out, he does yoga too and gave me some advice about the poses, helping me with my posture and he stayed to chat a bit about it. I did lie a bit and say I always do my yoga naked and he suggested a few places I could go to for proper instructions (with clothes on), but it was nice having an adult conversation where even though I was naked there was no hidden subtext of sex or dating.

Right after he left I picked one of the guys on tinder that I’ve been talking to at random and suggested we go for a coffee. Turns out he wasn’t as interesting to talk to in person, but yes, I did go home with him, well, to a hotel as I’m not quite that stupid. I did that few times with a few different guys and other than getting a few looks from some people when my date was, well, older looking than me, it was all good safe fun. But I never saw a guy twice, and started to be a bit selective in how I met them. If they could hold an interesting conversation on tinder or one of the dating/hook up apps, then we went for a coffee. If they couldn’t, I would just arrange a hook up with them instead and get laid.

While it wasn’t much, it was human contact and as Annette said, I was kinda lonely and using them as a source of comfort rather than something more serious. She said, “I have some ideas about that and I’m talking to a couple of people so there’s no point sharing it yet. But I will ask, how would you feel about me trying something to try and help you socialise?”

I shrugged, I mean, she wouldn't tell me what her idea is so I couldn't say yes or no to it, but I was willing to listen to her advice. Anyway, one thing she did tell me is that they were thinking of reducing my examinations to once a week, and my sessions with her to twice a week, and while the idea seeing people who treated me like a human being and pincushion at the same time a lot less, the idea of being more isolated gave me a sense of dread. I did agree to it, I mean, what other choice did I have? They have other patients than me.

It was now approaching the end of May, almost five months since the change and two months after being released form hospital, and I went on a date with a guy I had been chatting to online for about three weeks. He seemed quite nice, could hold a conversation without always trying to be flirty and was decent enough looking. I had my new official name and ID now. My solicitor had managed to convince the passport office and DVLA with a lot of legal letters and letters of support from the hospital that I was really was the same person, sort least I could go to the pub with him.

Instead we went to the cinema and for some reason he picked a horror, probably hoping I would seek his support but I actually find them kind of bring and predictable. We did go for a drink afterwards, and as it was a Saturday and he was nice enough that I went home with him. On the plus side I knew he wasn’t married like some of the guys I hooked up with, I know I should feel guilty but they lied to me and I saw the indent of their hidden rings, so they are the ones who should have felt guilty. Especially as picking a hotel makes it kind of obvious they want to keep me away from their homes, yet somehow never questioning my choice or even asking when I suggest a hotel.

Anyway, the sex was ok, he was nice enough but once again like all other men I had no intention of seeing him again. The following morning I left him before he woke up and got a cab home, feeling lonelier than ever, it’s great having quite a few million in the bank, but what am I going to do with my life now it seems to have restarted?

I sent a text to Sarah and we ended up speaking on the phone for a couple of hours and she suggested I come up to London, but rather than as a resident, do it as a tourist, and we would meet up for a proper chat. I had to admit it was a great idea, so I booked a hotel for a few days and got the train there. I actually took a black cab in London as I wanted the full tourist experience, got to my hotel and checked in, just crashing out and relaxing in the bath and quite enjoying the change brought about by new surroundings.

In the evening I headed down to the bar and after showing my ID to the barman and room key, I got a small glass of wine. I was wearing a short black jumper dress as I wanted to be comfortable, and watched the barman wondering why everyone who looks at my ID doesn’t seem to notice that the year I was born puts me in my late fifties rather than late teens.

Anyway, I had no interest in doing anything right now other than read a book on my phone and drink some wine in a new place. When my glass was finished I went back to the bar to get another and the barman leant forward to speak to me quietly. “I just need to warn you that bloke over there thinks you’re an escort.”

I looked over and he was kind nice looking, mid forties I guess with a bit of salt and pepper going on with his hair and a decent body. I looked back at the barman and said, “Him? Really? But he’s hot!”

Well, that’s two guys I think are hot now as opposed to just them being shaggable.

I looked back at the barman and said, “So what would a girl like me charge out of interest?”

I was curious, I had never used an escort in the past, no idea of how that side of the world operates.

Anyway, two hours later I was back in the bar and I looked at the barman and started to laugh. I really didn’t think he was telling the truth, really, I didn’t. I thought he was just trying to warn me about a creepy guy, but I could see he wasn’t that he wasn’t that bad. And when he started to talk to me, I realised his nerves weren’t the type you get when chatting a girl up, I could see the difference immediately in how he talked. And then he invited me to his room, and I wondered what would happen. The sex wasn’t great, but did help to kill some time as I was kinda bored in the bar. He never asked if I was an escort, and I never said a price as I was curious to see what would happen.

What happened is he gave £400 pounds before I left and went back to the bar. I asked the barman to share it with some of his colleagues as I gave it to him, making him laugh. I’m glad I got paid for sex, but I’m never doing it again, call it getting ahead of future fantasies. I’ve read enough women’s magazines now to understand some of the things that I’m likely to think about in the future, so at least that’s one ticked off early.

The next day I did the tourist stuff, went to look at Buckingham palace and the tower of London, Westminster Abbey, and a walk around Hyde Park before I made my way to meet Sarah after she finished work. It was funny going to the places I had passed thousands of times but avoided for years, while this time not going to the places I do love.

Anyway, as soon as she saw me she stopped dead, then rushed over and gave me a hug telling me how much I’ve grown, which both pleased and annoyed me at the same time. She was surprised I had a driving license with my new face on it and liked my new name, saying, “At least I don’t have to try and remember anything about it beyond the spelling.”

After we caught up over all the usual stuff, we chatted more generally and at some point she said, “My god, you’re lonely aren’t you.”

I didn’t say anything, probably because I was afraid I would cry, so she placed her hand on mine and said, “Talking to you is such a normal thing it’s made me forget everything you’re going through. Tell me?”

And I did. I told her about my experiment with sex and that I liked it, about hot teacher and how we ‘only put it in a little bit’ which made her laugh and give me a look telling me I was stupid, how he suddenly disappeared and how I’ve since been with a few guys but never see them again..

“No second date? Why?”

“I’m not sure, I mean, I obviously like guys now, you saw that apparently when I woke up, but it’s like I keep thinking it’s a step too far, like if I see them again I may never get back to who I was.”

“Do you want to be him again?”

I looked at her and didn’t answer straight away and she smiled, saying, “I know. Once you started moving more like a girl I knew this was who you were now.”

She picked up her glass and raised it like she was giving a toast and said, “To my newest and my oldest friend Louise, may she finally have a second date.”

I started to laugh and picked up my glass in toast and said, “To my oldest friend, literally my oldest friend,” She kicked me under the table, “My she find the love that she deserves.”

She took a sip and said, “I think I have.”

“Tell me everything!”

And she did and I couldn't have been happier for her.

I spent the next day in London doing some more tourist stuff but had to go home for my next hospital appointment. On the way back I DM’d the guy I had the date with, the sweet guy who thought I would like a horror film and arranged a date for Friday. He would pick me up and we would go to the pub. My intention was to avoid having sex with him, I wanted to have a second date even though we had the first and third date on the first night.

We went to the cinema again and he picked another horror, a bit dull again, I mean, they are all predictable and you know exactly what is going to happen, but it was enjoyable enough in a distracting way. After that we went to nearby bar, one I haven’t been in before and it was kinda nice, not too busy and the music wasn’t too loud. In other words, a perfect date pub.

After getting our drinks and sitting down to chat, I felt quite awkward with the whole thing, trying to get to know the person who a week ago I practically jumped. I was still a little horny, but I had purposefully gone to town with my vibrator and dildo before coming out to try and kill that feeling to stop me wanting to have sex with him in case I got bored and ran out of things to talk about. As always I was worried about giving myself away, either my physical age or my true age, after all, all my cultural references are very different to his.

But conversation became much less of a problem when he smiled towards the door and slipped an arm around my waist. I looked around and two men about the same age as my date were walking towards us, looking at him and me, with a lot of unspoken messages being shared with their eyes.

Oh. My. God. He’s showing me off to his friends!

I suppose I should put a show on then, protect his ego a bit, but then I saw someone else behind the first two, a face I recognised which when it turned to look at over at us saw me, and it took a second for them to work out who I was and a slightly confused look crossed their face. Followed by a small smile and a glance at the hand around my waist. My date stood up and started talking to the three of them, saying hello and introducing me to them. Before they gave their names, I said, “I’m never going to remember all your names at once, so while you all say hello to each other, I will pop out for a cigarette.”

I picked up my bag and took out a lighter, one cigarette and my phone, stood up and walked towards the back door and the smoking area, and within two steps I heard a voice say, “I’ll join you.”

I kept walking but didn’t turn my head. I didn’t want any of them to see I had a big smile on face.

He joined me in the little smoking shelter outside and I said, “Hi.”

Hot teacher said, “Hi.”

We stood there looking at each other for a couple of seconds and as he started to speak I handed him my phone and said, “Quick, put your number in there and text yourself so you have mine as well.”

As he put it in my phone I tried to have a look to see his name, but I missed it so would look later.

He said, “I’m sorry, my student was released and I had no idea..”

I hugged him and said, “Don’t worry about that now, we can talk later, right now I need to know what’s going on, is this you and your friends local?”

He told me it wasn’t, but that a friend of his is good friends with my date and that while he knows my date as an occasional drinking buddy, they were invited along to see his new girlfriend.

“Wait, he told you all I’m his girlfriend?”

Hot teacher, now known to me as Tom, confirmed this, so I explained that we hooked up a week ago, and on the advice of my ex and my therapist I’m trying a second date to see how it goes, but I most definitely am not his girlfriend. I really wanted him to know that and later he told me I actually stamped my foot to make the point. Anyway, it turns out my date has a habit of falling in love very quickly, getting a bit too smitten and stops just shy of being a stalker. But he is known for being a bit much sometimes so was maybe hoping for support to help suppress his worst tendencies.

“Jesus! What have I got myself into?”

He put his hand on mine and I instantly felt safe, reassured by his touch. I turned to face Tom and said, “Ok, lets see if I’ve got this right? if I ghost him he will get all moody and possibly a bit obsessive, I mean, he’s already sends a lot of messages and is definitely a bit keen.”

Tom nods, so I carry on, “But what if he hates me a little bit, blames me for it, to help him get over it. Is that a good thing or will he become way too obsessive over me?”

He said, “No, he will hate you but get over it. Wait, what are you going to do?”

I quickly looked around to check for people - all clear - and reached under my skirt and pulled down my thong and stepped out of it.

“Shit, I left my bag in there.” I looked at Tom and said, “Here, put these in your pocket, but understand I want them back. Ok, who drove here and who lives in the opposite direction to him?”

Tom told me, describing which one it was and it was perfect being reasonably close to my apartment, so now I had someone to take me away from my date with a perfect excuse. I looked at Tom and said, “Right, I’m going to be a bit flirty with everyone but you and him, but especially flirty with the designated driver, and yes, I’m going to flash them all a little. You can put them in your pocket now by the way.”

He quickly stuffed my thong in his pocket, and I put my cigarette out, saying I will go to the ladies and see him back at the table. Once in the toilet I checked my phone and found out his name, and I have to say my heart did a tiny flutter when I read it.

I made my way back and I have to say I worked it a bit, not that I really know what I’m doing, but I know enough that a short skirt and no knickers will get men going, and now I know that hot teacher is called Tom and wants to be in contact with me, well, lets just say I was feeling very confident right now.

I sat down and Tom and the two friends of my date got a good look, and I made sure they knew that I knew they looked, smiling at them while sitting in such a way they had a good enough view of me, but not cute as good a view as the doctor gets once a week at the hospital.

I flirted with them, while giving my date just enough attention to be not quite be sure if I was flirting with them now, or still his date for the evening. Anyway, by the end of the evening I made my excuses to my date about needing to be up early tomorrow and getting a lift with his friend the car driver, Tom, and the other one. I sat in the front with the driver and made sure that my skirt rose up and I was very much on display. I wanted his close friend in the back with Tom to report back to the date that I was showing myself off quite freely, and now I was clearly flirting quite a bit with the driver. What no one else could see in the dark car is I had my left hand behind the seat and Tom was holding it, his thumb stroking the back of my hand. I really hoped he understood why I was doing this, putting on an act.

Tom was the first one dropped off, then my dates close friend, leaving me in the car with the driver. I think the driver was a bit upset I pulled my skirt down to cover up, I had no need to put on a show now and when he pulled up outside my building, I decided to give him a kiss, at first on his cheek, then his lips and finally with some tongue.

I was just about to push him away, say this was a mistake, I feel guilty etc, as that was all part of my plan, but he did it to me instead.

Yes! Now when they ask if anything happened, even if he denies it he will feel and look guilty and that will confirm to the date I’m a bit of slut and he will get over me quickly and hopefully learn his lesson not to fall in love with every woman he meets or talks to online. As I rode the lift up I looked at my phone and sent a text to Tom saying I was home safe and that I expect they will think I’m a bit of a slut and he will be over me, and I got a photo back followed by the three dots that then said, ‘what shall I do with these?’

I smiled as I looked at the photo of my thong on his bed, and replied, ‘Do you know a good place to have a breakfast tomorrow?’

I got a thumbs up in reply, followed by a time and location.

He got a thumbs up in reply.

So the next day we had breakfast in a cafe, then we went for a walk, followed by a drink and eventually a kiss. Nothing else happened, but we talked a lot. He explained about needing to stay at the school after lessons like they normally would, and he tried looking for me as much as he could, but he only knew my first name and the hospital wouldn't tell him where I was without a full name.

In the end he had to stop going there hoping to see me in case he got arrested for hanging around a hospital, and of course I was released so not there anyway. But a couple of days later we went out for something to eat, followed by a few dates and we really got to know each other. I think it was about two weeks later when I invited him in for the first time, and he went home the next morning.

If you’re interested, it was twice in the evening, once during the night when we both woke up, and again in the morning.

It was amazing, and yes, I did. Each time!

We kept seeing each other at least twice a week, but more if his workload allowed it, and without a doubt I was falling in love. Annette was happy for me, but also a little concerned, after all, being in a relationship as a woman is new to me. My hospital appointments carried on, and I was told that I am now officially, well, physically a 14/15 year old girl, but thankfully with make up can consistently look 18 or 19. But still, when I felt nervous I was told I looked young and that can’t have been easy for Tom, even if he was a bit younger than I originally thought at 27. Sometimes the physical age gap felt tough on me as well, sometimes the actual age gap felt weird and Sarah often said she wasn’t sure who was the cradle snatcher between us. But I was definitely thankful his family aren’t local as it would be weird being the same age as his parents while looking a lot younger.

Anyway, apart from him and the appointments the only thing I had to keep me busy was looking for a house to buy, I was a bit sick of not having my own garden to sit in and drink wine or a beer. I had managed to find one I liked and was in the final stages of buying it, then I had a lot of things I wanted to get done before I moved in. Part of me wanted to ask Tom to move in, but a much bigger part of me told me it was too soon for that, but I was pleased it was reasonably close to his and well within walking distance.

But these were things I was doing to try and distract myself from one very obvious thing, something that Sarah told me, Annette told me, and that I admitted to Tom only last night.

I’m lonely.

But these were things I was doing to try and distract myself from one very obvious thing, something that Sarah told me, Annette told me, and that I admitted to Tom only last night.

I’m lonely.

I was still living in my rented apartment, but the deal had gone through on the house and I’m due to sign the contract in a weeks time, although I won’t be moving in right away as there was some work I wanted to have done. Sadly I won’t be visiting it much while it’s being done to check it all out and make sure it’s what I want, my solicitor is doing all the talking with the builders and workmen for me, but I’m getting a cab there a couple of times a week in the evening to check out the progress. Anyway, it’s keeping me busy in a stand off kinda way, plus I need more furniture and stuff for the place, so there’s that planning to do as well.

I quite like the house, it’s a four bedroom detached house in a very nice area, not so big that I would feel lost indoors, but the master and second bedroom both have an ensuite, and the attic is being converted into another bedroom with an ensuite as well. I’m not really sure why I picked that option, I mean, it is only me and I can’t see myself having guests over to stay for quite a while. What does make me happy is the ‘summer house’ at the end of the garden, with a jacuzzi outside that’s protected from any neighbours prying eyes, and the garden is the bit that is big, big enough for me actually need a gardener to look after, as I have no idea what to do beyond pushing a lawnmower. Although to be honest I would just use one of those robot ones.

While doing my window shopping to plan for what I needed to have in the house, making a list and trying to work out if I should buy it myself of get the solicitor to do it instead, I did start buying more clothes suitable for the hotter weather we’re starting to get in the UK now. And I quite liked my small collection of summer dresses, waiting for a warm day to wear one and hoping they really are much cooler to wear on hot days.

I guess as well you’re probably wondering what is going on with Tom. Well, we are still seeing each other, but of course being a teacher makes it much harder for him due to the workload. In the evenings and weekends he is often either marking their schoolwork or preparing for lessons, but we still try to spend at least one full evening a week together. It’s not much, but we talk all the time and when he’s too busy I miss him desperately, but every morning when I wake up I have a text from him, and every evening I get another to say he’s finished work and about to go bed, so we usually have a quick face time chat and depending on how tired he is, a quick bit of play on camera.

But my loneliness is still there, he is my only sustained contact with a human being beyond my hospital appointments and Annette. She told me she is worried about me, and of course, people my age, mental age that is, are notoriously reticent about opening up about those type of things, but she is aware of it and talks to me about it. Sometimes she gets me to open up a little, sometimes hinting at her idea but only ever telling me she won’t give me all the details until it’s confirmed.

Anyway, today Tom has made an effort to get out of school early which had a lot to do with the exams starting before they break up for the summer, and I’m heading out now to meet him for a coffee and I couldn't be more excited about it. Plus it’s a warm day, so I put on my green sundress before going out, checking out how I look and then remove the bra as the straps looked a little weird poking out under the dress straps.

Walking through town I felt great, and without a doubt this type of dress will be perfect on hot days, even though in the actual hot parts of the world they would call this cold. I saw Tom sitting outside a coffee place with a cup ready for me and smiled, hoping he would turn and see me, finally he looked up and I gave him a smile and a wave. He sat there looking at me for a second like he didn't recognise me, but then smiled back and gave me a little wave.

I sat down, sweeping the dress underneath me and the cold seat was a mild shock on my legs, gave him a very happy smile and I said, “Hi.”

He looked me over and said hi back, and knowing how I look sometimes, we kept any public displays of affection minimal, so I reached out for my coffee on the table and brushed my fingers across his hand, just to let him know I appreciate him. He moved his hand away. Not quickly, but he did move out of reach and while I didn’t show it, I was a little hurt.

We chatted about our day and I told him about some of the furniture I had looked at, trying to get an opinion on different styles of sofa and dining table, but he couldn't be drawn in to the conversation. At first I thought it might have been typical male behaviour of not being able to form an opinion on these things, and I completely understand that. If I wasn’t buying it for me, I doubt if I would have had one either.

I tried to get him to talk about his day, how the kids are doing and if he thinks the ones he likes will pass, or if those he doesn’t like will do well enough, but he just seemed a bit distanced from me, always looking around as we sat there. We were supposed to be having an evening together, an enjoyable time being outside and not fucking like bunnies indoors, but it was like he didn’t want to be here.

When I finished my coffee I stood up and said, “I can see your mind is elsewhere, I don’t want to distract you so will head home. Let me know when you’re free next.”

And I turned and walked away. Was I upset? Oh yes. I felt like I had done something wrong, was it something I said or has he finally come to the realisation that he can’t get over what I used to be?

I stopped dead and thought to myself, ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ Why am I blaming myself for this, I have done nothing wrong and I looked at my reflection in a shop window to give myself a good talking to and stopped dead.

I said to myself quietly, “Jesus! I look young today!”

This dress made me look more like my physical age, even if my head is still in the space of being a lot older, to the outside world this is what I look like. And of course, that means to Tom as well. He might know what is inside me, but to the world he’s an older man sitting there with a young girl who is flirting a little with him.

I turned to go back to apologise and there he is, standing a metre away. He had come after me and before I said a work he pulled me into a hug with my arms folded up in front of me, holding me close. I buried my face in his chest, I really didn’t want him to see me with tears in my eyes as he said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be like that.”

And he just held me and after a while I said, “It’s ok, I didn’t think about how I looked until just now.”

He gave me a gentle squeeze to tell me it’s ok, then he said, “I can’t think of a way to say this that doesn't sound like I’m mean something else, but your place or mine.”

Why does he have to make me laugh? Why is he so good at cheering me up? Oh god, why do I want to jump right here and now, right on the pavement?

I shrugged, trying to hide the thoughts in my head, but he stepped back and said we can head to his car and decide then, We ended up going back to mine, ordering a pizza and drinking a few glasses of wine until we went to bed. We talked through a lot of things, and I hated not being with him as much as I wanted to be, but he made me an offer I couldn't refuse. He suggested we go on holiday together, somewhere abroad, somewhere nice where we could explore a little more about us being together, and he would work harder on getting used to how I sometimes look and act better about it.

I said, “Yes.”

He went back to work the next day and while we talked a lot on the phone, he is still busy and I am a lot more understanding now of how sometimes it can be hard for him. I either need to dress up a bit and wear a bit more makeup to help me look older, or if I want to dress down and be a bit more casual then accept that we’re staying in. Which made going away a problem, I don’t want to be showing my ID every five minutes to avoid him getting arrested, or constantly be trying to look older just to avoid any judging looks. How can we go on holiday together with this extra barrier in the way? Maybe I need to be the grown up in this relationship and break it off with him?

I intended to speak with Annette about it the next day as I was heading there for the usual tests and measurements. Once I sat down on the chair in her office, I took a deep breathe to steady my nerves for talking about such a personal thing. Before I even got much further than an hello, she said, “So, I have a suggestion for you that I would like you to think about very carefully.”

This is new, normally she just wants to ask me how I feel or how I’m getting on. I don’t think she’s ever made a suggestion until well into the session, so I sat up wondering where this is going.

She continues, “Physically you’re around 14 or 15, and you’re struggling to fit in as you clearly can’t go back to anything like the life you had before. So if you can’t go back, I think you need to go forward. You admit you’re lonely and not connecting with anyone other than Tom, and your other attempts at getting to know people, all men, ended up with you having sex with them.”

Well, she’s not wrong in any of this.

“So I think the bast way forward is for you to become what you physically are, a girl on the cusp of adulthood, finding your way in the world and who you are as a woman. Sadly, we have to start the race where we are right now, but after talking to a lot of people I’ve found somewhere who agrees with me in principle and we need your agreement to take the next step. With me so far?”

I nodded, I mean, it’s what I’ve been trying to do, accept who I am and find a new place in the world.

Annette said, “So this means we need to assimilate you into society as who you are, get to know people like you…”

I stopped her saying, “But there’s no one else like me, is there?”

She smiled and said, “Yes, there’s a lot of them.” I think the confusion was very clear on my face as I am sure I would have heard about more people going through what I have by now, and she said, “There are loads of girls on the cusp of adulthood trying to find their place in the world and I think you should meet them.”

As she explained the rest I sat there with my jaw on the floor. Shit. This is big and will effect a lot of things in my life.

Over the next week it was my turn to be distant from Tom, and I apologised for it all the time, just telling him I had a lot to think about after talking to my therapist and will tell him soon. But the truth was I wasn’t sure how I could tell him about it. In the end I had to, and while he was a bit shocked, he said no matter what he will support my decision and that somehow we will work through it together.

But the truth is I wasn’t sure how we could and that scared me more than anything as I think I knew I needed to do this.

At nine am a week later I was waiting outside my apartment building for Annette to pick me up to go and talk over this suggestion with someone, and for a change I was dressed a bit more suitably, a pair of leggings (I thought that was important just to prove I was a woman down there), and a tee shirt, holding my bag with all the things I need and wondering why they can’t give women better pockets. I had put little make up on, just some eyeliner and lip gloss to enhance my femininity and got in her car when she arrived. I felt ridiculously nervous.

Once we arrived at the location, we sat outside an office until we were called in, with the school principal looking at me closely. He said, “Hello Louise, Dr Collins has told me a lot about you. Tell me why I should agree to this?”

I took a deep breathe and said, “Um, well, you obviously know all about me and I’m kinda stuck. It’s hard to know what I shoud do looking like this and I…”

He was smiling at me kindly, and then I sort of broke down a bit, a few tears spilled out of my eyes and I kept apologising for sniffling all the time, but he had handed me a box of tissues, and although I didn’t want to admit to him I was lonely, I did say I felt completely cut off from the world. The principal, Mr Giles, was kind and listened to me talk about my issues as they all tumbled out of me.

He said, “Louise, can I ask if you have any identification on you?”

I pulled my purse out of my handbag and handed over my driving license, which he studied quite intently before handing it back and saying.

“Ok, I’m going to say yes on the following conditions as the local education authority have approved this assuming that I will. Firstly, there must be a space for you, I won’t have any student losing a placement, and that means if a new student arrives and there’s no space, you will have to leave. Secondly, you’re above the age of consent and Dr Collins has hinted that you are sexually active so I expect you to obey the law. Thirdly, You will be a model student and cause absolutely no issues in any way or form at this school. Fourthly, I expect you to do well in all your classes, even those you already have higher degrees in.”

He paused and looked at me, waiting for me to speak, but Annette spoke first saying, “You’ve given her a lot to think about so…”

I said, “Yes to everything.”

Annette looked at me and said I need to think this over before we go any further, but I held my hand up. I had decided and knew this was something I needed if I was ever going to find a new place for myself in the world. But of course there’s another issue to face, so I asked Annette to leave the room for a bit so I could talk to the principal.

Once we were alone I said, “There’s something you need to know.”

And I told him all about me and Tom, my hot teacher, and now potentially my biology teacher, how we had already talked about it but I had no idea Annette was bringing me to the school he worked at, and how we agreed that if I do this our relationship will be limited to being a friends for the immediate future. He sat there quietly thinking about what I had just said, and then he got up saying he would be back in second and he was only outside for mere moments, sitting behind his desk and saying nothing. We seemed to be waiting for something.

Five minutes later there was a knock on the door, a knock I have heard before and the principal called Tom in. When he saw me he was surprised, to be fair, until I got here with Annette I had no idea what school we were going to. What followed was a ten minute conversation where it was explained that even though we were both adults, if I were attend the school as a student then it stops now as I will be a student to everyone here.

I looked at Tom and he nodded immediately and said yes to the principal. He knows that I need this, I need something more than sitting at home with bugger all to do. I turned back to Mr Giles and said, “I completely agree. Let me get Annette back.”

Once we were all back in the room and I had introduced Tom to my Therapist (who offered him a couple of sessions to help him with the whole situation as well), we thrashed through the details together, or Annette and the principal told me what they had already agreed would happen. Funnily enough, being told all of this really did make me feel more like my physical age, the grown ups were deciding what will happen to me, and I was just a passenger. And poor Tom, I felt so sorry for him being pulled into this, but of course as he needed to know everything as well.

So this means that in September I would join Year 11, and the story would be that I have been homeschooled due to my family travelling, which will help to explain some of my knowledge gained via experience and the gaps in my knowledge in not going to school for many years, as well as not quite understanding how teenagers behave towards each other these days. One of the gaps I have is that when I left school, the year I would join was known as the fifth year, but now they’ve gone for a much more obvious system of counting. But they had also agreed something I wasn’t so sure of, that Annette would be my ‘guardian’ for any issues.

I said, “I agree with everything, but I think Annette as my “guardian” is a mistake.”

Annette and Mr Giles look at me, and I said, “If one of the reasons I’m doing this is to socialise with people my physical age, then we need to assume that at some point I will go to their houses and they will come to mine. It would look strange if my “guardian’ isn’t there.”

There was silence, so I added, “I have a suggestion.” And once I told them they agreed.

The only other thing I suggested was at least one other teacher knowing about me, specifically the history teacher if I end up doing that subject. Tom, or Mr Alburn while at school said, “Why the history teacher?”

“Well,” I said, “I know a lot of history and what happens if they talk about something that I don’t only remember from the news, but maybe even was actually at?”

After a short silence, Mr Giles agreed and ten minutes later in walked the history teacher. Everything was explained to them, and he said he thought it was unlikely that anything he covers will be something I experienced, so I just said, “I was in the Army.”

All he said was, “Oh.”

There’s no better way to make someone look at your differently when you’re a 14 year old girl than pointing out you were once a soldier.

Anyway, an hour later I was at home and had invited Annette in and we shared a cup of tea while talking it all over once again, making sure I had all the paperwork I would need on t be be ready for my first day. While we talked I rang my solicitor to make an appointment to see him later today, thinking to myself that being a girl is costing me a fortune in legal fees!

Annette left to go back to work and I headed to the solicitor, finding it funny that for a change I was going to his office and looking at the people working there wondering what the young girl was doing here to see him. Once I sat down with him I said, “I need your help. I think I need a nanny and have no idea what I need to do.”

Basically my idea was to have a pretend ‘guardian’ who could take on the role to any outside observers while I was at school, pay them handsomely and get them to sign an NDA, and I needed him to find a suitable one and do all the first rounds of interviews before I say yes or no to them. Three weeks later I was meeting with a 25 year old woman called Jane who had impeccable references and trained in about everything it seemed they would ever need to know to be a nanny, who agreed to move in with me on the basis of leaving me alone unless needed. She was quite nice, pleasant to talk to and I think looking forward to one of the easiest jobs she will ever have that would pay off all her student loans and give her a lot left over. Seriously, I was prepared to pay a lot for them to pretend to be in charge of me around any other school kids and teachers not in the know.

And then I realised there was a second bonus. Once I move into my new home, handily in the school catchment area, an adult living with the school girl will help avoid any questions. There were a lot of details to resolve of course, but as soon as her current contract was over in a months time she was on a retainer for me.

There was one thing I felt very guilty about, and that was Tom. He was going to be my teacher soon, assuming I pick or get assigned to biology, but we will see each other most day and not be able to be together anymore as I promised Mr Giles it would be over. We often talked about it in bed together, saying that we already felt a bit naughty, adding some spice to our relationship. We talked about exactly when we will need to stop sleeping together and sneaking quiet dates and days out together, but we just couldn’t agree a date to stop.

I moved into my new house, and Jane my ‘guardian’ moved in, and we both giggled as we sorted stuff out. She had the second bedroom and suggested that while I would obviously have the master bedroom, I should maybe make the attic bedroom my ‘school girl bedroom’ so that if I do have friends over we can go up there and it would look more like a teen girls room. Seriously, I think I love her already and gave her a big hug, and she helped me make it look right for a, well, a girl my age. She became a big sister to me, not getting too involved with my life but there if I needed her. Of course, I was paying her a lot of money to do just that, but she was cool, and we agreed the story should be I would tell them she’s my aunt.

She thought Tom was a catch, even agreeing to keep our secret from everyone that we were still seeing each other, but she did say I would need to stop it to protect him once I’m at the school. In the end, we agreed that we were unlikely to be able to stop seeing each other considering we would have a constant reminder almost every day just by being in the same place, but we needed to stop the day I went to school. And then he told me to get a boyfriend.

“Wait, you want to me to get a boyfriend?”

“No, I really don’t, but I think you should.”

I lay back in bed and said, “Ok, if you think I should have a boyfriend then you should get a girlfriend too.”

And somehow we agreed that is what we will do, have a kind of open relationship, even at the risk to what it could mean for us. Then I said, “But let’s find a way to meet once a month?”

He rolled over on top of me, kissing me and I opened my legs to accommodate him as he slid into me. I moaned in ecstasy as he slid all the way in, almost gasping for breath with the intensity of his cock inside me. I will never fail to be amazed at how my body envelopes his, taking his entire length, stretching me each time, making my body tingle as the heat from our conjoined genitals spreads through me.

As he slid backwards and forwards with slow strokes inside me, as I raised my hips to meet him, as he kissed me as I kissed him, I felt like the luckiest woman in the world with this man. I said, not breathed, “I love you.”

He nibbled my ear and whispered, “I love you too.”

It was the first time we had said it to each other, I had known how I felt for ages, Annette tried to get me to admit it without saying it to me directly, but now, with him inside me I said it for the first time, the to say it out loud as well.

As he came inside me, flooding me with his sperm, I felt thankful once again that he was a heavy cummer as I loved the feeling I get from him when it happens, how I grip him with my pussy as I orgasm thanks to him, how he makes me feel. What I feel for him is greater than I have ever felt before, maybe that’s my new hormones, maybe it’s what his cock does to me and how he makes me shiver, lose feeling in my right hand when I orgasm with him inside me, I don’t know.

You could say that by saying it during sex it doesn’t count, but I know different. When a man says it during sex they say it as they feel it in that moment, and maybe once we have settled down he will take it back, I don’t know. But I think it’s true for me.

In the morning we were both up early and got dressed, plus he need to go home before going to work. After we had breakfast together and were dressed, I looked at him and said, “Just so you know, I meant what I said.”

He gave me a quick kiss and said, “I know. I meant it too.”

We sat there in silence thinking about what we had both admitted without saying it again.

He said, “And I also meant what I said, you should get a boyfriend, and yes I will try and get a girlfriend.”

I said, “But what about us?”

He leant over and gave me a kiss, saying, “I don’t think I will ever give you up. Hey, guess what?” I looked at him and shrugged, “You really are my old girl!”

I nudged him in the ribs, then kissed him again, which once again got a bit heavy and I could feel his erection pressing against me so I slid down to my knees, opening his trousers and taking out his very hard cock, already dripping pre cum and I licked it up, taking him into my mouth. Although I was very keen to have sex, blowjobs were a line that it took the man in my mouth to help overcome, and giving him a blowie this morning felt perfect after what we just admitted. To be honest, I quite liked sucking him, but this morning was the icing on the cake and as I licked him from the bottom to the tip, taking him into my mouth and playing with his balls, I made sure I got the most from it, hopefully as much as he was.

I really do like his cock, I just wish I could get more than a couple of inches in my mouth as he is quite big and I’m still growing. Anyway, I felt him start to contract and twitch so I locked my lips around him to make sure I got every drop, swallowing it as fast as he pumped it into mouth.

I sat back on my heels and looked up at him, smiling and he lightly stroked my face as he looked into my eyes, saying, “I’m going to be late.”

I put him away and stood up, looking at him holding my hands behind my back and I said, “Do I look cute?”

“Very.”

“Ok, go to work. I’ll see you soon.”

I watched him walk out the door and get in his car to drive away, and I went to brush my teeth. I had a big day today and didn’t want my breath smelling of cum on my first day of school.

I looked in the mirror and thought to myself I really need to go to the hairdresser for the first time and will speak to Jane later to get some advice as I walked out the door in my uniform and my bag on my back.

It’s Friday and I’ve been at school now for three weeks and I’m on my way to see the principal Mr Giles as I’ve been summoned, but at least I know I’m not in trouble.

I did think on my very first day I had blown it and was going to be kicked out, but thankfully word got round about it with the teachers and they thought it was a bit funny, or at least that’s what I can work out from their reactions to me after they heard about it. I was walking through the school and had to go to the main office to get my timetable and be introduced to whichever kid was going to be showing me around, when I saw something that made me, well, react.

There was a kid, about my physical age I guess, being bullied by an older kid who was a lot bigger than him, with the obligatory two friends acting as his goons. Now, I’m not a fan of bullying, never have been and I wished when it happened to me at school I had stood up to them sooner, but also that someone had stood up for me. Back then it took a few of us victims to band together and stand up to them, forming a pact that we would always step in when it happened, outnumbering the bullies and if necessary beating them into submission.

Now of course I have an adults confidence within this body, so when I saw it happen those old feelings came back and I had to stand up for him, even I was shorter than all of them. I walked over and said to victim, “Hi, I’m new and trying to find the office, can you help me?”

The bullied kid looked at me with fear, but also in his eyes was a look that was screaming for help. The main bully looked at me like I was something stuck to his shoe but I was ignoring him completely, so one of his goons told me to ‘fuck off’, and he stepped towards me, lifting up a hand and moved to push me away. Now, as well as being a former infantry soldier who is unlikely to be intimidated by such futile threats, I’ve also done enough martial arts to know what to do in such a way that it looks like an accident.

As his hand was about to touch me I turned my body to the side so he over reached and began to lose his balance and I stepped on his foot as I moved out of his way and using a hand pulled him forward so fell hard to the ground. And while I was doing that I said to the bullied kid, “I would really appreciate your help as I’ve only been here once a few weeks ago, and you know what it’s like trying to find your way around.”

I completely ignored the one of the floor, even though my foot was now on his ankle and applying just enough pressure to keep him down with a bit of pain. Of course, the bullied kid was a bit wide eyed now, so I said, “I’m Louise, but you can call me Lou.”

He looked at the kid I was holding to the ground, and his eyes darted about at the other bullies and the few kids standing around and watching us. He finally said, “Yes. I’m John.”

So he’s taking my offer of way out, which is good, and then the main bully said, “Oi! I’m talking to him so fuck off.”

I turned to face him and he pointed at me, and well, if he wants to help me, who am I not to take such a kind offer? I said, “It’s that way? Great, you can come with us.” And I grabbed his finger, turning it over into a lock and buckling his knees, but I lifted his finger so he couldn’t fall down to escape the pain and said to John, “It’s nice of him to point the way, let’s go John.”

And I started walking holding the bully in a finger lock and John came along as the crowds of kids in the halls parted to let us through as we headed towards the offices.

I chatted to John about the school, asking questions to try and get him to both talk to me, and also relax and it turned out he was in the same year as me, so at least I have made one friend while dragging along a possible enemy. Oh the joys of school!

We passed Mr Alburn on the way, my Tom, and I stopped and said, “Hi, I’m new here and John is helping me find the office, and this one is pointing the way. It’s along here, right?”

Tom was struggling not to laugh, not that John or the bully would know that, but like every school all the teachers know who the troublemakers are and I was clearly dragging one of them along. He said, “That’s correct, just along here a bit more. John, thank you for being a good friend to the new student, and of course, thank you as well Christopher, it’s nice to see you being so helpful for a change.”

I choose that moment to apply a bit more pressure making him whelp in pain as his knees buckled but I was stopping him from falling down. We headed on our merry little way, with John and Christopher both looking back at Mr Alburn, one hoping he would him and the other wondering why he didn’t intervene. Before we got to the office, I applied more pressure on his finger and forced him back against the wall, keeping plenty of pressure on and more than enough for him to want to cry out in pain, while keeping it at a level that his ego will stop him from doing that.

I lent towards him and said right into his ear, “Listen here cunt, you think you’re hard but I want to make it clear you come at me or any of my friends and I will break every bone in your arms and you will be asking your mum to wipe your arse every day, and one of your friends to hold your cock as you piss. You are nothing and will always be nothing. I’ve chewed up tougher guys than you and spat them out. You fuck around with any of us and I will be on you before you have the slightest idea of what is happening. You think you’re alpha? You’re nothing to me, and I can make you nothing. You hear me?”

He said nothing, so I applied more pressure and asked him again, and he nodded. “Not good enough.” I took hold of his arm and applied a bit of pressure on a nerve ending and as his face screwed up in pain he said, “Yes. I won’t do anything.”

I pushed him away and his knees finally buckled and he knelt there holding his finger, so I offered a little compassion now I had got my point across, I didn’t want him plotting revenge. “Shake your hand lightly, there’s no damage and the pain will go very quickly.” He did just that and I could see the relief on his face.

He looked at me, and I could see for a second he was thinking about how to get back at me, so I stepped forward slowly and helped him up, saying, “I am serious, but I have no desire to hurt you or embarrass you anymore than I have. Just try and be a nice person, you will get a lot further that way.”

He stood there and looked at me, not quite sure what to do, so I turned back to John slipping my arm into his I walked him towards the office, trying to put the more intense parts of my life behind me again. I stopped wanting to be that guy years ago, but it’s nice to know that if I need to, I can still be quite threatening with my much shorter and lighter frame.

Ok, I’ll admit it, there was a part of me that enjoyed it.

Anyway, while waiting to get my schedule and hopefully a map to help find places, I chatted to John and to help reassure him I never mentioned what had just happened. He’s 15, turning 16 in November and a I could tell he was a nice guy. I could tell he was a little nervous around me, and I put it down to him being a bit shy around girls, but as he was also in my tutor group and we would be heading the same way most mornings and we had some of the same classes he had time to get over that.

Once we joined the rest of our tutor group and I was introduced to the class, making me wonder if my tutor knew about me, John showed me to English, followed by English Lit, covering all the mornings classes. As for the rest of the week, each class was about what would happen in our GCSE year and I found myself paying a lot more attention this time round at school. I hadn’t really been that interested previously, but now I had a very different outlook on life. Of course word had got round about the new girl, including how I stood up to the bullies, but I played that down and just said that John played a part as well and it wasn’t all me. Christopher and his cronies gave me a wide berth, and if I saw them looking at someone in a way I didn’t like I just walked towards them and they left.

My other classes this year were maths, sociology, combined science, citizenship, history, drama, media studies, and physical education. The last one was quite funny as it was the first time I had stripped of in front of only women and of course there was nothing to worry about and it was just like my experience of locker rooms with guys really, but nicer smelling. There were those who were quite comfortable getting changed, those that were very uncomfortable and the rest in the middle. While I was quite body confident, I picked the middle ground and just kept my back to people. The sports we played were of course different to what I did in the past, although we did play more football than I expected, so at least I knew what to do for that game. The other sports we did I had some familiarity with, although I really sucked at netball.

I was slowly forming friendships with girls, leaning that women are always sounding each other out in very different way to how men do it. There’s still competition, but rather than it all being about the physical side of it, who is stronger and who will win, with girls it’s more of an undercurrent. If a guy doesn't like another guy they will be polite but have little to do with him, but with girls, well, not liking them means you are trying to insult them without it being obvious while trying to sound like you’re a friend.

In the meantime, I fell in with John, he’s a good guy and he became my main school friend, but also hanging with some of his friends. I found it harder to connect to them, maybe because they were, well, boys, but I found that the looks I got from them were uncomfortable sometimes, clearly wondering what I look like naked and trying to find ways to impress me in the hope of seeing me that way. I don’t know if it’s my new femininity or my experience, but their attempts at impressing me seemed kinda dumb. I really hope I wasn't like that, but I must have been just another hormonal teenager.

And then there was my combined science class on Thursdays. That was a bit awkward really at first, more awkward than I hoped it would be. Yes, Tom was my teacher and it was really hard to keep reminding myself to call him Mr Alburn. Really hard and I almost slipped up a couple of times. We had been texting a little during our self imposed distance from each other, but we were very much on a break and I know I was wishing we weren’t. And then yesterday, well, I was missing him a lot so in the morning I sent him a text. We had agreed to change each others names on our phones in case someone saw either’s name when we text and on mine he was HT for Hot Teacher, and I was OG for Old Girl.

The text I sent was quite simple, right before I left for school and it said, ‘I’m not wearing any underwear today.’ He put a heart on it, then I saw the three dots as he typed, saying ‘Oh no! Not today, please not today!’ I replied, ‘Too late, half way there now.’

I soon walked through the gates to the school, wondering if my tights were thick enough to keep me covered considering the shortness of my skirt and if I should have thought this through more clearly. Not only that, why do they insist on such a short skirt now? When I originally went to school girls would be in trouble if their skirts were longer than mine is, but here I am in a short pencil skirt that really does only just cover me.

I am so so stupid!

Anyway, as nervous as I felt all day, my combined science lesson was a lot of fun. I was close enough to the front that I could tease him a little, putting one foot on the chair as I sat there, and then the other thing I did, well, that’s his fault and I take no blame for it. That particular class had some group work assigned and I stood up, moving around so I stood in front of my groups two tables that had been pushed together, with my back was to him. I stood with my feet a bit more than shoulder width apart, kept my legs straight and bent at the waist, pointing a part of myself at him. I didn’t do it for too long, but more than long enough, and after the class I got a text that just said ‘Bitch. Please don’t do that again, it was very hard for me’.

I promised not to, but we were hoping to meet up this weekend so I would make it up to him.

So back to today. I arrived at the principals office, knocked and was called in. Mr Giles pointed to the seat in front of his desk and said, “Hello Louise, how are you settling in?”

And we talked for about ten minutes about my first couple of weeks, the reports his got back about me, laughing at one of the first bits of feedback I got was that I didn't need to Harvard Reference my essays, telling me that the teachers are quite impressed with me, but also that I am quite quiet and not very forward in putting my hand up in class to answer questions. I pointed out that in media studies the teacher was talking about the Star Wars prequels being released and that I was in the cinema queue when the first one came out in 1977. Sometimes it’s easier for me not to say much.

He said, “Yes, I can understand that and I’m happy to say to anyone that you’re probably just settling in to the new school.” He paused to think about something then said, “And what about your combined science class, how are you finding that?”

I heard a voice in my head tell me it’s a trap. “Well, it’s a long time since I studied a science class and I obviously have a lot of gaps in knowledge, but the reading that was assigned to me before the year started has helped a lot.”

He waited for me to say something, but I’m smart enough to not jump in a hole before I know how deep it is.

“And how are you getting on with the teachers?”

There it is, but is he fishing or does he know something. I said, “I like them, I mean, I hardly know them but they all seem to be very good and the classes are run well.”

“And Mr Alburn?”

“Well he knows about me, and I think he is being kind enough to help by putting me with students who are much better than me, and I know to keep my mouth shut and not hold them back so I don’t impact their future grades.”

“And are you kind to him?”

I was a little upset at that, I will always be kind to him and said so. Then he said, “Hmmm, I visited his classroom yesterday while you were there. You won’t have noticed as you were deep into conversation in some group work, so I need to ask, if you are kind to him, why did you do what you did yesterday.”

I tried to feign ignorance but I could feel my face burning and I must have been glowing like a lightbulb. I went to say something but stopped myself, not sure what I could say, then realising that while I was flashing my pussy at Tom through my tights, Mr Giles saw it as well.

I said, “I’m sorry. I promise we are over, in fact I have a date tonight with a sixth former,” and I saw the surprise on his face at that, “It’s just that this self enforced separation is tough on me. He’s a great friend, more than that even. And while I like John in my class, who’s been great by the way, what I have with him isn’t the same as I have with Tom and I’m hoping my date tonight, I was only asked out today, will help. I know Tom, sorry, Mr Alburn has a date this weekend, and while we both agreed to the need to see others, it’s not always easy. After all, that’s why I’m here, to try and help that.”

He sat there quietly thinking for a moment before he spoke. “Thank you for telling me, I know this has to be difficult for you, but you did promise not to cause any problems, and well, you could have got Mr Alburn into a lot of trouble. Please wear underwear to school in future.”

I looked at him feeling quite guilty, but being asked to wear underwear to school by the principal is quite funny and I started to laugh and he did as well. When we settled down he said, “You know, I always expected you and Tom to keep seeing other in secret.”

I sensed I had my poker face back, but decided to be honest. “Nope. But we still text each other, and we might break our resolve at some point, but he wants me to have a boyfriend and I want him to have a girlfriend.” There, I’m being honest-ish, as we are planning on seeing each other next weekend, but he doesn't need to know that.

He said, “That’s good, I would hate it if one of the teachers suspected something.”

I’m not sure why, I was probably intending it to be a joke, but I said, “I suppose I could offer them a blow job to keep quiet if they suspect it.”

He went bright red, and I realised that yesterday he was suspecting it, and my ‘joke’ that was said with a straight face just made him uncomfortable. And then he shifted in his seat. Oh my god, I just gave my principal a boner.

I thought to myself, ‘fuck it, I’m technically single and we both know I’m an adult.’ I looked at him and crossed my legs, sitting a bit more upright to push my boobs out. And said, “It’s a shame none of them know that it wouldn’t be wrong if they accepted it, but you did make me promise to be a good girl.”

I am really getting the hang of this flirting thing.

He said, “Well, I am glad you have a date, with a sixth former you said?”

“Yeah, but that’s just a trial date for me, I suspect he will be a bit dull and shy like most teenagers. Can I ask a question?” I licked my lips as he nodded and I could tell I was having an effect on him. “Did you suspect something yesterday between me and Tom when you saw me bent over?”

I wanted to put the image in his head, and like all men when the blood is up they have a glass forehead allowing you to see their thoughts. He said, “Well, I mean, seeing you like that…”

I said, “Well it’s lucky you know the truth so I don’t need to offer you a blow job.” And he laughed a little too quickly and a little more uncomfortably than he meant to. I stood up, smoothing out my top and skirt by running my hands down the sides of my body, and said, “Are we likely to be disturbed if I gave you one right now?”

A look crossed his face, clearly concerned about that happening, and also, for just a moment wondering if it’s wrong, so I helped him by saying, “I am an adult and it wouldn't be wrong if you said yes?”

I wanted to know if he would, not because I wanted something to hold it over him, but I’ve gone without sex since I started at the school and I wasn’t expecting to get any until next week. I wanted something, anything, so I stood up and moved towards him, pleased that there was a huge bush outside his window that blocked all views in, and stood next to him leaning back onto his desk as I said, “Please, I would like to.”

He said nothing, just licked his lips with a touch of nerves, but I knew he wasn’t thinking straight right now, so I lowered myself to my knees, putting one hand on his leg and moving in front of him and between his legs, running my hands up them, reaching his belt buckle and I started to undo it. I would be surprised if he had never fantasied about this with an older student, he is a man after all, and now here one was offering it to him.

That evening I was waiting for my date at starbucks, thinking how happy I was that I had sucked the principals cock in his office and swallowed his load, hoping that he will invite me back in a couple of weeks to see how I’m doing. He was quite attentive while I was down there and I kept expecting him to feel guilty and push me off, but as I said afterwards, I’m only sort of a student here, and unlike all the others I can walk out at anytime and there is nothing anyone can do about it. It's my choice to be here, and it’s my choice to do this. But I also thought about Tom. I needed to have a discussion with him about how much we share about our dates with each other, as part of me wants to know how his date goes, and part of me wants to scratch her eyes out. Anyway, my date just arrived and he looks kinda cute and like me he has dressed up a little so lets see how it goes.

So, my earlier date with the sixth former was a bit dull. He was so nervous it was an absolute nightmare to get him to talk to me, and when he nervously took my hand as we left and walked me home. I really didn’t want him to, I wanted to be elsewhere by a very long way, but he was cute in a clueless way. I did kiss him goodbye, and like I said he was nervous but also super aroused and I felt it press against me and I was worried it was going to blow.

The following weekend I was in bed with Tom at his house on Saturday afternoon and we had made love a couple of times already and were just laying there, talking about our dates over the previous week. His went quite well, they went for a drink and chatted about lots of things, and he described her to me. She was 29 and divorced, and all the things he was telling me about her were, well, all the negatives. When he described her hair to me, he talked about how there was a bit that stuck out at ninety degrees and he found himself looking at it a lot, even when she got back from the toilets wondering why she hadn’t brushed it down. He also wasn’t sure if she had put a lot of effort in to get ready for the date, or if she wanted it to look that way.

I stopped playing with his chest hair and said, “You don’t need to worry, I’m not jealous and do understand that we both need to do this. Now tell me what you liked about her?”

He was quiet for a moment before he told me that he actually quite liked that she didn’t look like she over prepared, he enjoyed talking to her and they have been texting a bit while they plan for their next date. I gave him a kiss and said, “Good, I think you deserve to have a date where you can sit in a pub without any fear that someone will report you. I can see it in your eyes sometimes, and I really do understand.”

He gave me a kiss and rolled me on top of him, and while he wasn’t hard, we had already had quite a bit of sex this morning, it was actually really romantic. He said, “But there is one thing I don’t like about her. Yes it is nice to be able to be out and about and not feel those judging eyes on me, but she isn’t you. I miss being able to, well, show off the girl I love to everyone on the planet.”

I lay there with my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat while I thought it over and said, “Geez, get over yourself. Stalker much!”

He slapped my bottom and I could feel him laughing silently. We fell asleep like that, just laying there and waking up a couple of hours later to a kiss on my forehead. I rolled over and watched Tom get out of bed and pull on a pair of sweat pants and a tee shirt, he gave me a smile and walked out heading downstairs, using his head to call me along. I stood up and looked at my clothes on the floor and thought to myself, with all the men that have seen me naked, the one who has seen the least of it is Tom. So I got out of bed and followed him.

I looked for my bag in the living room, taking something out and following him into the kitchen, putting it on as I went. He turned to see me standing there with a playboy bunny mask on and nothing else. He started laughing and said, “I have so many questions right now.” And hugged me giving me a kiss.

I said, “Well, you see, if you’re going on a date, then I think it’s only fair that while we wait till next month, I give you something to help remind you of what you’re missing, and more importantly, that if someone see’s it you won’t get arrested.” And I handed him his phone and did a pose.

He took one photo and said, “One is more than enough for me.”

I wasn’t so sure so I walked into his living room and laid down as seductively as I could on the sofa and said, “Please, take one more.”

He lifted the phone but stopped when his doorbell rang, told me he’ll be back in a second. I sat there waiting while he talked to someone at the door for a couple of minutes, then heard it shut, so I adopted a new pose, a shall we say more welcoming pose using some of my new found flexibility. A man appeared in the room and said, “Oh shit, sorry.”

I turned my head to look and Tom was standing there with a scared look on his face, and if I had been paying attention I would have heard him say more loudly than he needed to ‘we’ll just go into the living room’, but I didn’t, I was trying to turn on my sorta but pretending we aren’t lovers, boyfriend. The reason he looked so scared is the man is my English Lit teacher, and here I am on all fours with my arse in the air pointing at the door.

I jumped to my feet and tried to hide myself, not my nakednesses as he’s seen everything, but hide who I am. I tried to make my voice sound husky and a bit deeper as I said, “Hi, I’m Lauren and me and Tom are fuck buddies. How are you?” Tom let out the breath he had been holding as my English Lit teacher said hi back and looked at Tom, offering to leave. I said, “Why?”

So right now, I’m still quite horny and here’s another man seeing me naked, but my main priority is to protect Tom. And I think I have a plan. I told my English Lit teacher to sit down, and asked Tom to come with me to the kitchen to help me with the drinks. Once in there we had a very quick whispered conversation and he agreed, seeing my point that any other way would risk something blowing up against him. I don’t know if he was happy about it, but he went along with me, and later told me it was more fun than he expected.

I walked back into the living room carrying a bottle of beer for my English Lit teacher, handed it to him, but never let go as he pulled it towards himself, using it as a way for him to pull me in as I straddle his lap. “Any buddy of Tom’s is a friend of mine.”

I took a sip of his beer, leant in and kissed him, letting the beer fall from my mouth into his, and could feel him respond between my legs. Tom left us alone and I started to unbutton his shirt as we kissed, feeling his hand reach for my back and slide down to my bum and legs. I think he was a bit nervous to touch me, so I took his hands and put them on my boobs as I put his beer out of the way, then reached for him. I needed to be quick to make this work.

He went to remove my mask but I moved in for a kiss to make sure it stayed in place as I took his cock out. It was a decent size, smaller than Tom but bigger than my last date. Yes, I had a feel, I’m not proud of it, but it is kinda the point for me to go to school.

Anyway, while I was horny, I also wanted to protect Tom, not hurt him, so while he felt my boobs up a little clumsily and I stroked his cock, I tried to encourage him to kiss and lick my boobs. I wasn’t really getting a lot of pleasure of this, my mind wasn’t focused on the moment and the please like with Tom, I was being quite detached and making sure that what happened is what I wanted and nothing more.

When he finally started licking my nipples, one of his hands made it way down my stomach, and his fingers found their way inside me. I looked over my shoulder and Tom had come back and while moaning in my English Lit teachers ear, I used my eyes to tell Tom to take a seat next to us. I leant my head backward and he followed me, keeping my nipples in his mouth making me wonder if he was breast fed the way he is gong for it, but I kept laying backwards, so he had to lean back and let his fingers do the walking.

I could see Tom watching us, and I tried to get him to put a stop to this with my eyes, trying to send the signal but he was smiling as he looked at me. Enough was enough, I felt I had made the point and now he should be ready to talk without throwing a wobbly, but instead, as I sat back up to begin faking an orgasm, he beat me too it, shooting his seed first over my stomach and breasts, but because I sat up I got a fair bit of coverage over my vagina. I thought to myself, ‘fuck it’. I had asked Tom with my eyes to enact out hasty plan, but he didn’t, so I pushed down and his cock entered me as it was still humming, getting at least two good squirts of cum inside me.

As I slowed down met fake orgasm and my English Lit teacher stayed inside me as he came down from his high, Tom said, “She’s good isn’t she Brendan?”

My English Lit teacher, apparently with the first name of Brendan said, “Jesus, no wonder you tried to get rid of me. Lauren, you’re awesome.”

I said using my normal voice, “Thanks, but that’s not my name.” And I took the mask off. He looked at me with a smile on his face, and as recognition slowly faded in. I said, “Hello sir, I’m not moving until you listen to us both.”

I pushed myself down to make sure his flagging erection didn’t slide out of me, almost sucking him in. Of course he panicked a little, but slowly we got him to listen and explain who I am and my story, why I’m at school and that he hasn’t broken any laws. He did shrink a bit at the start of the explanation, but once he started to believe us, well, let’s just say it’s not everyday your English teachers cock grows inside you. I said, “But me and Tom are breaking an agreement we made with Mr Giles, to not see each other while at I was at school.”

He looked at Tom and said, “Jason knows?”

Tom nodded and I said, “I’m going to get off you now. Can you hand me those tissues please?”

I was really worried about his cum instantly falling out of me, and well, this is embarrassing enough already. As I climbed off him I looked at Tom and mouthed that I was sorry, but he gave me a smile and mouthed back that it was ok. So the outcome of mine and Tom’s first once a month get together ended up with me giving myself to another man to protect the man I love. I thought to myself, I have definitely seen that movie a few times!

And it turns out the man I love quite enjoyed watching me, and before Brendan left I decided I wanted to try a spit roast. It was ok, but later that evening when Tom and I talked about it we agreed it was fun, but lets wait to explore this again. While I was ok with being with him and another man, exploring the idea of threesomes, with both men and women, but right now the only women I know definitely aren’t available for that kind of thing.

Anyway, our interlude with each other was over for a few weeks and school life carried on, but at least my English Lit teacher wasn’t being creepy after what happened and was happy to let me just on with my work in class. But I also had a second date with the sixth former, which became a third date, and that raised an question I googled in the toilets of the cinema. There’s hardly a lot of places teens can go for dates.

I searched for an answer to “at what age is a third date a third date?”

As an adult I know that a third date is likely the time we would have sex, but is that true now? I know that more and more kids are sexually active when younger, but what is the etiquette around this? I decided to see what happens and take his lead, which in itself is funny as he’s a teen boy and it’s not like I don’t know what leads a teen boy. I walked out the cinema and looked back at my date and knew the look that crossed his face too well.

I will say that being kissed and fingered up against a wall out of sight of those walking past wasn’t the worst experience in my life, in fact it was quite nice. He wasn’t very skilled, but he wasn’t stabbing away at my insides like he was completely clueless and he almost found my clit a few times. At least fingering me stopped him from trying to find my tonsils with his tongue.

There’s some potential to work with here, maybe I can improve him for other girls in the future, but I decided to end it on the fifth date with a blow job, and he seemed happy with that.

School continued and the level of homework and expectations put on us slowly increased and I felt sorry for those in school today. The pressure is quite high so I’m not surprised they ‘crack’ every now and then and go a bit over the top in their free time. I quite enjoyed teasing Brendan every now and then, or Mr Hughes as I normally call him, but then I had to threaten him with silence by saying if I heard a single rumour about the truth of who I am or any risk to Tom, I would start telling the girls at school that he keeps looking at me inappropriately. The fear on his face told me I got the message across, and he never asked for a repeat of our threesome. Besides, I wasn’t ready yet for the thing he wanted to do to me that evening, and him trying to do it without asking permission to slip up my bum pissed me off.

My school friend John was a funny one though, he was clearly into girls as I would catch him looking at other girls as well as me sometimes, and while I tried to set him up on dates, his nerves got the better of talking to them, and I couldn’t understand it. None of the girls had the confidence to jump past his nerves and and help him out by asking him out, even though they knew he was trying to ask and I felt very sorry for him. I had hoped that him talking to us socially would help him get over it, but the nerves I witnessed when we first met were still there.

But the time came for Tom to come round to mine for our next rendezvous just before the end of the half term break, and we always seem to jump into bed with other to help satisfy our passion before we talk about the more serious stuff. I talked about John and his nerves, trying to get some input from him and he said the same that I was thinking, he’s just nervous and will either get over it during university or never get over it. It did worry me as he was a genuine friend and I wanted to help, but every time I see that he wants to ask a girl out, no matter what I do he can’t say it and even telling the girls he is going to ask first the still don’t suggest it themselves.

We lay in bed chatting to each other when the doorbell went and I heard Jane open it and talk to someone and the voices sounded like teenage girls. I looked at Tom and his eyes were as wide as mine as we scrambled out of bed and pulled on clothes when Jane walked in as we were getting dressed. She saw Tom, gave me a smile and a look that I knew only too well as he pulled up his pants and covered up, and said, “Some of your friends are in the kitchen raiding the fridge. Tom, stay here and be quiet till she gets them to her other bedroom.”

She threw a can of deodorant at me saying to be quick, and I finished getting ready and sprayed myself down hoping to hide the smell of sex till I get rid of them. Heading downstairs I joined the girls in the kitchen, trying to remember if I had invited them around, but they said they were passing and thought they would drop in. Once everyone had some snacks and a can of soft drink, I took them up to the attic room, hoping it wasn’t too dusty as I hadn’t checked it for a few weeks and walking in I reminded myself how grateful I am for Jane. She had arranged everything like it was a film set, clothes strewn around, a few glasses and had even made the bed a bit messy to look like I hadn’t made it. If anything it looked like I had just left it and my school laptop was open but turned off on the bed.

While we were chatting away about music and as always I tried to keep up with them on the latest bands, I put the music on that I really like, some good and classic stuff from the eighties and nineties, giving them an explainer of who they are and what makes Pearl Jam just as good as Nirvana. All the time I was listening carefully to see if I could hear Tom leave, and desperately sad I that I was missing giving him a kiss goodbye.

When they left around 8pm, I went back to my real bedroom and laid on the bed which still smelled like Tom. I picked up my phone and sent a quick message saying how sorry I was, but he said it was ok. God I miss him so much and I’ve still got until July to put up with this, and the risk of losing him. I fell asleep crying, with Jane laying next to me reminding me that I’m doing this not just for me, but also for him. And she’s right, I am doing this for him as well. I need to physically grow up to be with him, and I’m dreading next week as there’s a school trip as part of my media studies course to London at an art gallery, and Tom is one of the teacher chaperones.

It will be a nightmare for me. My old company did the marketing for the gallery, so I’m scared that it will feel like two worlds colliding.

The next couple of weeks of school were ok, but I was plagued with regret. I don’t regret using my body and femininity to protect Tom, even letting my body be used to do so, but I think the threesome was a bad idea. I wasn’t ready to do something like that, and I know I only did it as he said he kinda liked watching, but me, as a growing woman, well, that’s a different thing. I am glad it happened, I enjoyed parts of it, but I don’t think it would have been my choice, or at least, not at that time in my development. I suspect I’m not alone in this and many other girls do similar things, but my connection with the other girls at school wasn’t at the point where I felt comfortable enough to share that I was spit roasted.

Anyway, I had a good chat with Tom about it. He is such a gentleman that he didn’t just apologise for it, he thought he had pressured me into it and I hugged him so hard I thought I would hurt myself as I apologised for making him even think that. We’re a couple of dummies really, both trying to keep the other happy in a very messed up situation. My school uniform aside, we are adults and both know we should have talked about it before we let something like that happen.

When I finally opened up to Annette about it, she was cross with me, and I felt awful. It reminded me of those times when I was a kid, well, I kinda am right now, and she pointed out that I was in the development stages of being a new person, and the whole point of being at school was to help me develop. She knew about Tom, but was worried that I was still a bit fixated on him and needed to be a girl more.

I said, “I don’t think I can give him up, not completely.”

She smiled at me and handed me a box of tissues, just seconds before the tears broke. But she made me feel better, telling me that I don’t need to give him up, I just need to remember who I am right now. She also talked about the concerns she had about my English Lit teacher, but I reassured her that I have scared him from looking at any girl, ‘Besides, he did think I was an adult at first.’

But today, today I am getting ready for a school trip and as I don’t need to wear a uniform for it I am struggling to pick what to wear. Jane helped me, as she wasn’t sure my original idea of jeans and tee shirt was a good choice for the day, picking some things that were a lot lighter in colour. I left my jacket on the bus when we went in as I didn’t want to drag it around with me as we walked around the art gallery. I am pleased to report that I didn’t see anyone I had worked with there, although to be honest that wasn’t likely. My employees did most of that, I was just involved with the contract negotiations and final sign off, but a part of me was hoping to see some record of that work still in existence.

I wasn’t in the mood to walk around with a load of girls today, I’m still struggling to connect with them, the whole mental age difference and lack of things in common on an emotional level seemed to create too many barriers. I just don’t feel like they are my peers. With John it was different, maybe due to how I met him on that first day and knowing what it was like for him, or maybe it was our shared love of pop culture, not that I could tell him that I lived through a lot of the things we both loved.

I had been struggling to think of what to get him for his birthday yesterday, trying to work out what other kids buy for each other as I really didn’t want to spend a fortune and it look weird, but in the end I didn’t buy him anything, but took something from a box in my unused garage, a classic Star Wars poster that had been singed by a couple of the cast I had picked up on my travels at a convention in the states. Not the big names, just some of the others who were in it, and he loved it.

I’m really not sure I would have survived being at school without him, so I’m not sure if it was enough to say thanks to him. When we were dropped off at school I got him to ask his parents if he could come to mine for something to eat, and they said yes. They were a little strict on him sometimes, but it was only to make sure he focused on his schoolwork, and I completely got that. Anyway, we ordered in pizza and chatted away with Jane passing through the kitchen every now and then, and I said, “Your birthday, I think there’s something else I want to give you.”

John said, “Why, the poster is awesome! Did you know it was an original from when it was first released in America?”

I didn’t actually, I just liked it and had the money to buy it and a blank wall to fill. I shrugged and said, “That’s ok, but I still want to give you something.”

“No, you don’t.”

“You don’t even know what I want to give you, you might like it.”

It was his turn to shrug, saying “What it is?”

I blushed and said, “Me.”

I was guessing he was a virgin, and with his nerves the first time will be awful and he might even get chewed up and spat out by his first girlfriend. I’m really hoping this will help him, plus, I wanted to do this with him. It would be nice to do it with someone my physical age I actually like. He sat there looking at me, trying to work out what I was saying and he was about to ask a question, so I nodded and said, “Yes, that’s what I’m offering. You don’t have to collect your gift now, but I want you to know I’m here and ready to deliver it whenever you want it.”

Now he was blushing and sneaking some looks at me, so I explained the conditions around it, specifically that this is two friends who will have sex over a particular period of times, however many times he wants with that period, but that will be the end of it. Afterwards we will remain friends and nothing more.

He was quiet for a while after that, and we just sat there eating pizza and when he headed home he said he will see me the next day. Later that evening I got a text from him that just said ‘for real’. I almost sent a nude to him to prove it, but remembered that while he is now 16 and above the age of consent, he is still below the legal age of 18 that allows him to see that sort of content and I really don’t want to be arrested.

I replied with ‘yes’, but heard nothing else from him that night.

The next day when I arrived at school, he came over to say hello and asked me what I was doing on Saturday, blushing to his core so it’s pretty clear what he is asking me, so I said I was free all day. So on Saturday at 10am he knocked on my door and Jane let him in, saying I was in my bedroom. He came up to the attic room and left the door open, he has to do that when I visit him, so I told him to close the door and join me. We sat on the bed and he was clearly nervous, so it was up to me to relax him. I stood up and took off my tee shirt dress then sat back down completely naked, looked at him and said, “Your turn.”

He was nervous and a bit fumbling as he undressed, finally getting down to his underwear and to save him any further embarrassment, I climbed into bed and held up the duvet to invite him in. Once under the covers I suggested he take off his underwear, and turned on my side to face him, hoping he would do the same as I said, “We can stay here like this as long as you want.”

I took his hand and held it as he turned to face me, and just talked to him, waiting for him to begin to relax, and before long we were talking and laughing like always. When I thought he was ready I said, “You know, men are always looking at women, so I think it’s my turn.”

I started to slowly pull down the duvet, and before long his chest was exposed along with my breasts. He looked at them of course, but then our stomachs were exposed, the lower part of our stomachs and as I started to pull it a bit lower, he stopped me, saying, “It’s ok for you girls, it’s not obvious when you’re turned on.”

I said, “Trust me, if you know what to look for it’s pretty obvious. Pay attention.”

And I kept pulling to down till I needed to use my legs to kick it slowly off the bed.

He left to go home around 6pm as he was doing something with his parents and I made him take a shower before leaving. I will say it was a reasonably enjoyable day for me, but I would say for him it was very enjoyable. The last time I let him be inside me without a condom, but I thought for the first few times he needed to know how to use one properly, explaining that I was on birth control - which surprised him - but I wanted to be sure that in the future he does everything right, teaching him how to be a good lover.

I won’t share the details, but I will say that teen boys have a lot of energy with a short recovery time, so the first hour was three times, each getting longer in duration, then three more times after that. It did help with his nerves around girls, becoming a bit better at talking to them. I think I helped him get over the worst part of waiting and hoping it would happen, now I just need to hope that next time he doesn't get hurt, and I’m pleased he never once shared with anyone what happened between us.

And we never did it again.

But…

I guess I should talk about sixth formers. I can’t say they are great in bed, but I can say that over the next couple of months I had a few more dates with a few of them, and yes, I slept with some which was probably all part of me working through what happened with the English Lit teacher. I was always honest with Tom about it, and he was honest with me about his dates. It’s strange laying in bed with your boyfriend who you only really get to spend time with once a month, talking about the dates you’ve been on, covering every single detail with them. We’d had a couples therapy session with Annette, and it was one of the things we talked about during it.

Her advice, not to mention Tom’s, was that I needed to grow as a woman, my advice to him was to have dates to help with the fact that I was on them as well. But as we wanted to be together, the only way to get through it was brutal honesty. Sometimes it was tough on both of us, but it was like there were two versions of us. The school girl version of me, and the teacher version of him. Those two knew each other, but the two people here in bed talking right now, were the ones who matter and while one day they will both be the same people, right now, we just have to accept it. But my fear of losing him never went away, so I focused on one day losing my teacher, and then on getting my friend and my lover back, assuming I stay the same person of course.

Christmas came and went, a lonely affair for me as Jane was with her Family and Tom went to his, but I was glad that Jane had got me plenty of wine and cigarettes to keep me going. The new term started and now things got really crazy at school and I had some decisions to make, I was allowed to stay to the end, and Mr Giles gave me the option of taking some GCSEs as I had put the work in, or I could drop out when the exams started.

Strangely, I wanted to do them, partly to test myself, and also to give me the opportunity to put an end to this part of my life. I was now only going to the hospital once a month for checks and examinations, and they said I was developing quite normally, growing up as would be expected and they wanted to publish a paper about what happened to me. I got them to agree to a few things such as not to give too much detail on the changes to my physical appearance - they said they wouldn’t - and also when they would submit it. I wanted to be out of the country when it happened, so that was when I was going to go on holiday.

I talked it over with Tom, and he wanted to come with me, our first real couples holiday, so I got him to book the time from work and let me do everything else. I had something to look forward to beyond my exams.

And the exams were a nightmare! I had done the work, but wasn’t particularly worried about the outcome as unlike my friends, it had no meaning or impact on my immediate future, but I really felt for the others. John was doing nine in total, and horrendously stressed over it, not quite understanding why I seemed so relaxed. It’s not like I could tell him that as he was doing A Levels these result were meaningless, and the next exams will be a year after he leaves and starts doing something else.

Once they were done though, everyone relaxed and it was prom night, which I wasn’t really wasn’t sure about. In my days there would be school disco’s, a chance to sneak in some beer, but this was a new thing for me. I went shopping for a dress, and of course there was the issue about being asked to go with someone. At first I was hoping that John would ask me, but he asked another girl, and one of the other kids in my year asked me. My biggest concern then was his age, but thankfully he was old enough for me not to worry.

I rented a limo to pick up John and his date, then it picked up me and mine and it was a weird evening and another new experience for me. We had our photos taken, held hands, danced, chatted and walked around the school in groups. Sometimes a couple would break away, and then my date gently pulled me in one direction and I decided to follow so I didn’t spoil it for him. He was an okay kisser and I got fingered while giving him a hand job. He was very excited about that and it only just missed my dress, making me furious at him.

I saw Tom as I walked back into the hall, and gave him a smile. He took his phone out his pocket and seconds later I felt mine vibrate as he told me I looked beautiful.

I love that man so much.

I got a cab home by myself, and sent him a text saying to come here and ravish me when he manages to leave, and my doorbell went the moment I hit send. I really hope it’s not my date hoping for more after I abandoned him, but when I opened it Tom was there, holding a bunch of roses and asked me if I wanted to dance.

Jane came home an hour later to find us in the living room slow dancing to some romantic music, giving me a smile and leaving us alone. Waking up in my bed with my boyfriend was amazing and I highly recommend it, especially when you get to do it for a whole week in a row.

After our week just being together, we got up early to go the airport. Tom had kept asking if he would need a visa, but I kept reassuring him there was nothing to worry about as we arrived at Heathrow and checked in. He was really surprised when we headed to the first class lounge and then I showed him his ticket. We were going to Florida to Disney World as I was quite sure none of the class were likely to be there.

We stayed in one of the big resort hotels and I spoiled him rotten for putting up with me and all my shenanigans at school, and that I knew he was lying about those dates he went on and how well they went. And while we were there I told him about the plans Annette had suggested and that I was going to be going away for four months on an exchange programme.

He said, “I know, she told me about it before she spoke to you. You need to be away from me while you continue growing into the amazing woman you’re becoming. Right now I’m a reminder of who you were, and you still need to find out who you are. I like you and I love you. I can wait.”

Well, I spoiled him a lot more after that.

The last couple of days had been a whirlwind of activity, getting my bags packed, making sure I had not just everything I needed, but also planning ahead or those things I might need, and one of those things was asking Jane to stay in my house for a little while longer, and thankfully she was happy to. I needed her there as an ‘emergency’ contact, the person the family I will be staying with can get in touch with as part of my cover of being a schoolgirl.

Tom drove me up to the airport this morning, and so far I’m five hours in to the flight and I think I’ve just stopped crying. I’m going to miss him, but Annette is right, I need to be away from him, My teen girl hormones are messing me up, making me feel things more intensely, and while I have no doubt about Tom’s feelings for me, I have to wonder a bit now about mine for him. What she shared with me has made me second guess everything about my feelings for him. Is it just the new hormones in my body, my new sexual orientation, or is it something I really feel?

Still, the flight so far is a nightmare, eleven hours in total and I’ve had my last alcohol and cigarettes for a while, I need to be a girl for the next four months at a US high school, and strangely, despite having just completed year 11 in the UK, I’m now about to join year 11 in the US. When my flight did finally land I was glad I had opted for first class again, just to get off the plane quickly. The extra money for that alone was worth it, something I’ve always avoided in the past. Once through border with my new excuse of ‘good genes and a good surgeon’ with all my paperwork matching up, they let me through and then on in to the arrivals hall, where I was looking for someone holding up a card with my name on it.

And there they were, Susan Jones and her daughter Katie, who I was going to high school with. Susan, although I suppose I should call her Mrs Jones until told otherwise was a stylish woman, worked in a hospital but was a bit vague about it so I guess in administration, and her husband was something I can’t remember right now as I’m just too tired. They were smiling at me and I could see that Susan was looking right at me, clearly picking me out from the FaceTime chats we had a couple of days ago. I made my way over and was surprised to be engulfed in a hug from her, taking a few seconds to get my head around it.

They took over pushing the trolley of bags for me, saying that tonight I could rest and recover and settle in over the next few days before showing me around. I was quite tired, I had slept on the plane but of course no one really sleeps on a plane. The sunlight outside was intense, so much stronger than anything I was used to and, well, the weather is wonderful, what more can I say.

I made a comment about it, I am British after all as it’s our default setting, and Katie said, “I love your accent.” I smiled and glanced at my watch. It had taken five minutes before it was said to me and I admired her restraint. Once my bags were loaded in the car, it was a drive to their home in Santa Monica, and despite being in the afternoon, I was told it was going to be a while before we get there. My first introduction to LA traffic.

They had a nice two storey house in the Ocean Park area just a short walk to the beach, although I was surprised when they told me it had good parking there. Then I remembered something I read in book by a travel writer who commented that their neighbours in New Hampshire drove from next door when they came round for dinner when it would have taken less then a minute to walk. Something else to get used to over here.

I was shown to my room which shared a bathroom with Katie, dumped my bags and Katie helped me unpack. She had a disarming charm that I quite liked, easy to talk to and unlike me actually was 17. I had to hand it to Annette, I think Katie was going to rub off on me, and she was already making suggestions to improve my small collection of makeup, some places I could pick up some cheap jewellery, where we could go shopping and would have made a lot more plans if her mum hadn’t come in (I am allowed to call her Sue), and told Katie to leave me alone to recover. It was like being caught in a whirlwind with so much happening, and I took the chance to grab a shower to wash the flight off me.

The shower was refreshing, and I made a mental note to get the same fittings back home as I loved the rainfall effect it gave, and while standing there and just relaxing, I heard the other door open and Katie come in, telling me she couldn't wait any longer as she sat down to pee. Thankfully she didn’t ask too many questions, and once I dried off I lay on my bed wrapped in a towel and drifted off to sleep.

A while later there was a knock on the door and Sue walked in and I sat up and the towel fell off me, and she told me that dinner was in twenty minutes where I could meet the rest of the family. Sitting around the dining table was an unusual experience and I can’t remember the last time I sat round one with my family, sadly long since passed. But here I felt comfortable. Sue introduced me to her husband, who funnily enough worked in advertising, which Sue told me with a glint in her eye, and their son who was meant to be going to college but had to delay it as he broke his wrist last week. It was meant to be a sports scholarship, but as he wants to play baseball that’s been put on hold and now he will likely be a normal student and fight for a place a team next year.

He was quite stoic about it, something I put down to the whole Californian thing at the time, but later I found out he was actually quite happy about it as it took all the pressure away from him and he could just relax for a bit, and then go to college to learn rather just play sports. I quite liked him for that to be honest, he wanted to find out more about who he was. The father, well, he worked in advertising and had worked his way up until he became a senior executive at a big company which explained the big house.

One thing about them that was quite annoying was that they were all very attractive, the father, Bill (and not William), was starting get a bit of the silver fox going and I would be blind not to know he was good looking. The son Tim, had that fit and healthy look and Katie had it too. I thought of the kids I went to school with back home and thought how different they were and if it was all down to a bit of sun?

I liked them.

Katie had the interests you would expect of any southern Californian girl in a privileged and affluent area, the son had that not quite adult, not quite kid thing going for him, and the dad, well, we had some shared interests. But by far the worst thing was both the father and the son made me wet!

After eating Katie was instructed to leave me alone for the evening to let me rest, but I said, “I’d really like to go for a walk down to the beach, if that’s ok?”

They looked at me in shock. Walk? In LA? I pointed out how close it was, and Katie and Tim both walked with me, and Katie acted like she was asked to walk for miles which made me laugh. We were the only ones walking and the car park at the beach was huge! I didn’t want to walk far, I just wanted to have a look around, get a feel for my surroundings and help me to acclimatise to my new and temporary home.

On the way back Katie seemed a lot happier, and I suggested we take a walk down here tomorrow and then along the beach and she said, “But why don’t we drive here?” I explained that she walks much farther in the mall and it’s nice to walk, but she was hoping to see her boyfriend tomorrow evening. I was meant to come along with her, but I’ve no interest in being a gooseberry, so told her it was fine, I’m still settling in and there’s plenty of time for that.

The next day was a late start for me, I really needed that rest and Katie and I hung out for a couple of hours, just talking about stuff and I helped pick her outfit for her date, hoping I was getting better at this. I ended up walking down to the beach with Tim, and he was very funny, almost had a dry British sense of humour in the way he was self deprecating, and he reminded me of Tom in many ways. I helped him with his can of cola due to his cast as we sat and watched the sea before heading back.

Laying in bed and trying not to masturbate that evening was difficult, and as Tom and me have decided only to speak to each other once a month, it was made much worse. The next day I did go to the mall with Katie, she wanted to shop and hoped to meet a few friends there and I was over the jet lag now. It was surprisingly fun, her friends were extremely energetic and hyper, maybe that’s all the sugar in the bread and salads, but I enjoyed it. I joined in where I could, but mostly a passenger in a lot of the conversations. They of course asked if I had a boyfriend, and I decided to say I had just split up before coming here, getting sympathy I didn’t deserve.

And in case you’re wondering it took five words from me for them to say they loved my accent.

The next day I went to the beach with Katie and Tim, explaining the differences between UK and US beaches, the lack of things to do beyond sitting here and they suggested we go to Venice, but should head home first. I had no idea how far away it was thinking we were driving, but instead we were getting rollerblades.

I have never used them in my life.

Well, getting to the beach on them was a good start, and then using them all the way there was a good way to get very used to them, but I was never great, just managed to use them to get from A to B. If you’ve never been to Venice, it’s a really nice place and I liked it a lot, although the locals have mixed feelings about it. The next day I used the rollerblades and visited again, this time on my own as Katie was with her boyfriend and Tim had a job interview. Skating there, looking at the faces and places, stopping to watch basketball or the people on the slack rope things, all of it was just such a change to the UK and crammed into such a small area. I came here quite a lot by myself in my time in LA, like I was drawn to the place. The further you got along the beach there were more and more houses, and I went right along to the marina entrance beyond Venice proper.

I was quite happy, so happy I even broke my own rule, asking someone to take my photo as I wanted to share it with Tom, saying, “I know we promised, but I wanted to share this with you and hope we can come here together soon. X’

At the weekend, Bill was taking me to the museum of contemporary art in LA, and I loved it. It was funny talking about the art and not trying to hide who I was, how we could both discuss the influences and different interpretations, sometimes taking the Mickey out the descriptions that showed the artist was too up themselves for their own good. It was fun.

On the way back we hit horrific traffic and he rang home to say we were going to be late and would stop somewhere for something to eat, having sushi in a restaurant that he proudly told me he had worked on the promotion for it. I think I really surprised him by critiquing it using my professional eye, where I thought the inspiration came from and the messages they were hoping to convey.

He said, “You’re full of surprises, aren’t you.”

Once back home it turned out that Sunday was family movie night, but as Monday was my first day at school they moved it to today and I had first pick. I searched through the various streaming options while popcorn was being made with Katie trying to convince me to pick a horror, something they never let her watch as a family, when I saw the one. I selected Roman Holiday, a film I loved and it turns out Sue likes it as well. It’s a beautiful film and if you haven’t seen it you should, and it made me think a lot about me and Tom, not that I think I’m a princess in a prison, but unlike the film I intend us to have a happy ending.

Monday was a school day, and I would like to say right now that a 7:30am start for teenagers is a crime against humanity! I had to register of course, and had way too many people tell me they love my accent, meet with the counsellor and wondered what the point of them was, and then try to find my way around the school and the weird new culture I was in.

While 7:30 is an inhumane time to start school, so are classroom doors that open into the corridor, seemingly with the intention of knocking out students. I had my first active shooter drill, thinking how ridiculous it is that they are quite happy to let kids to die rather than actually do the obvious thing and ban guns. I wondered if they had firearms in the house and how I could ask about it. One funny thing though, my sixty year old female English teacher was actually English, and when I was introduced as the new girl, I said to her, “Just so you know, I do know the correct way to spell colour and favourite, and I will continue to spell them correctly.” She gave me a big smile with a twinkle in her eye.

There’s not much to say about school, you’ve seen enough movies to know what it is like, so I won’t bother repeating what happens, but I was in most classes with Katie and became a C average as I wasn’t putting a huge amount of effort in, just enough to keep the teachers happy, as for me this trip was about being a girl, and a girl I was. I joined in with all the things I needed to, but like my last school I wasn’t trying to make any long term connections, just being friendly enough.

So I got back to learning how to be me.

I would visit the beach at least twice a week, and Tim would often come along with me if he wasn’t working as a pizza delivery driver, but I made a stupid comment about his wrist being in a cast and how frustrating it must be. Maybe I had a twinkle in my eye when I pointed out that at least his left hand was fully working, which at the end of my second week led to me giving him a hand job after we got back. He was quite a good kisser, but I made it very clear to him that if we do hook up, it’s only going to be a hook up. And we did, quite a few times and I was impressed with his kissing, often quite happy to just make out with him, but at least I wasn’t going completely without.

When I had my first monthly FaceTime call with Tom, we did have a bit of mutual fun, but we mostly talked. I of course admitted to hooking up with Tim and that it was only ever going to be casual, and he said he had a couple of dates and did sleep with her yesterday. I was happy for him, and could tell from how we were talking to each other that even though it happened, he still wanted me. While I could only see his face as he laid on his side, I could tell he was playing with himself. I understand, there was a woman in my past that just hearing her voice made me hard, and we’ve both been missing each other.

I did ask the family about guns, and they told that while they don’t have any in the house, they do make sure that all the kids are aware of good gun safety and would go to a range to do some shooting, just to make sure that everyone was confident and safe with them. My question made them arrange a visit to the range, and when we got there they had a whole series of firearms for use to shoot and choose from. As the guest I was asked to select the one I wanted to try, with them making some suggestions as I was British so clearly had no idea what I was doing.

The moment I saw all the rifles and pistols on the table, I knew which one I wanted, and pointed to it and said, “That one, I want to shoot that one.”

The man who ran the range said, “Are you sure about that? It is big.”

I gave him what I hoped was the sweetest teenage smile I could, took a couple of steps to it and asked if I could pick it up. He gave me a nod and I picked up the rifle, removed the magazine and checked it was empty, held the but against my hip as I cocked it three times and used the bolt hold open device to hold the working parts back as I looked inside to make sure it was unloaded. I then released the bolt, fired off the action, laid the rifle down with the magazine next to it as I looked up at the range manager, saying, “Yes, I’m quite sure.”

The L1A1 Self Loading Rifle, or known to every British infantry man from the time it was in use as the sslllrrr, was my personal weapon and I could have done all that in my sleep. It was different shooting it now, and it does have a bit of a kick, but beyond me being a bit smaller it was like getting to know an old friend again, while shocking some Americans with my familiarity with it. They were of course surprised, and really wanted to know why I knew how to use it, but I just shrugged and said, “I’m used to firearms, I just know the stats around the risk of having them in the house. That was why I asked.”

About a month into my stay, I made a comment about wanting to go to some of the iconic places in LA, getting a groan from everyone around the dining table. I get that, I lived in London and know what it’s like having to be dragged around those places with visitors, doing it too many times with clients and far too many times on the London Eye than I can count. Anyway, Bill offered to take me around them on Saturday on the condition that we get up early and head out before the worst of the traffic. I had no real plan for what I wanted to see, just the map app on my phone and picking them when we were close, but starting at the Griffith Observatory.

I really liked it there, mainly from seeing it in the movies, but we went for a little hike in the surrounding area and he must have planned it as he had a small backpack with water and some snacks. He explained later he thought a hike was likely due to the area around the big sign.

When hiking I’m quite used to getting off the trails, and had no issue doing so here, working my way through some of the undergrowth in search of a great view, and he followed me, unsure if we were allowed to do this. Once I found a great view, I stopped and asked for some water, and Bill, despite looking quite fit for a man in his mid forties asked to stop, pulling out a blanket to sit on, and said, “Please, I really don’t want to hike up to the sign after this.”

I said, “You know, I hadn’t thought about that, come on!”

I jumped to my feet and saw the look on his face, resigned to hours of walking and I started to laugh, sitting back down and leaning against him as I said, “I’m not that cruel, although you look pretty fit.”

I stopped talking and the smile died on my lips, thinking, ‘wait, does fit have the same meaning here?’

I could see a little blush on his face, so I nudged him with my shoulder as I guessed it does, but knowing that many Americans have difficulty with irony, said, “Yeah, and that fit too.”

I gave him a cheesy smile and he laughed.

We sat there in silence admiring the view while we drank some water and eating a very sugary snack that was meant to be health food and I looked at him, and said, “I like you, you’re fun.”

Ok, I didn’t mean it to happen, if I had I wouldn’t have chosen shorts for the day, but yes, we did it, on the blanket and it was very good. He was struck with guilt about us not using a condom, but I reassured him I’m on birth control and it will be ok. As we walked back to the car I felt his cum slowly oozing out of me, thinking to myself I’m quite happy it happened as it means he doesn't know I hook up with his son sometimes.

After that we went to the tar pits, and a cruise down Hollywood boulevard, something I will never do again on a Saturday. This wasn’t the last of our days out, and if we could then we would hook up during them. I felt a little guilty as I was worried about hurting Sue as she’s been so nice to me, but in early December before I left she told me that she knew it was happening, and was quite ok with it. Turns out he became really attentive to her after it happens, and then she really surprised me saying, “Annette did warn me about you.”

My mouth dropped open and she smiled, saying, “We were at university together and I know exactly who you are. Sometimes it’s quite obvious you’re older than you look, Bill can see it but doesn't understand it and no one else knows. She asked me to help you, and I can see throughout your time here you’re becoming more happier than you were when you arrived. You’re more like a girl now and watching you grow has been a pleasure for me. And Annette is really happy as well, she’s looking forward to seeing you when you get home by the way.”

I was shocked. l spilled my guts apologising to her, but she really was fine with it, but I still wondered if she knew I was also hooking up with her son, which stopped at that moment.

Which makes me jump back to Halloween.

So, I had no intention of anything else happening while there with anyone, but halloween is a big thing in the states, much bigger than what I experienced as a kid or teen in the UK, even now with the teens back home when I was at school. Katie and her friends were going to a party and I was going along, but we needed to get costumes, which of course means an excuse to look slutty. I was surprised at the costumes, and ended up going as Wonder Woman, but the Linda Carter version, and for some reason the hot pants were almost a thong and the the corset showed a lot of stomach. I wasn’t sure about it but her friends convinced me and to go with it and what they wore was even more revealing. We all went trick or treating as they thought I should experience that and walking the streets dressed like that way made me feel more exposed than being naked in front of all those men in hospital who were looking up my vagina.

At the party I had a bit to drink, but American beer is quite weak so I only really felt a bit buzzed. But Katie, well, she had an argument with her boyfriend, got angry and drank more vodka than I think she was ready for, so I cut her off before she got too bad, calling an uber to take us home. She was a bit annoyed with me, but she also held onto me.

Back home we sat on the bed chatting away as she started to sober up a bit, and she said, “You’re a great friend.” And hugged me. We sat there for a while holding each other and as we parted slightly, she kissed me.

I haven’t been with a woman since before the change happened, and maybe I was a bit curious, but she was no more drunk now than I was, just a little buzzed from it. So I kissed her back.

By the time we were half naked I put a stop to it, saying to her we had both been drinking and she had the argument so it’s not the right thing to do as we might both regret it. Which is why the following night she climbed into me bed, for what I thought was just another late night chat and she said, “We’re both sober now, I won’t regret it.”

So Katie is bi, but as she isn’t out didn’t want to confide in me before, but as I had turned down quite a few offers of dates she thought I was either as well, or a lesbian. Her tongue almost made me lesbian that night and how the hell I kept the noise down I don’t know, but the next day we did talk about it, and I said I wasn’t bi or a lesbian, but I really enjoyed what happened and thanked her for the orgasms and trusting me.

It did make me feel closer to her and when we did climb into each others bed to chat away after it I never felt any pressure and for a while at least, she was my sister. Tom liked it when I told him, but sad when I said I doubt it will ever happen again. “Maybe for your birthday in a few years time. If you’re a good boy.” He laughed so loud at that my eardrums met in the middle thanks to my EarPods.

Tim took me to universal studios, quite a fun time really, but going to Disneyland with Katie was the best. We wore the ears, met the characters, she was surprised at how excited I was at the visiting Galaxy Edge and seeing the Millennium Falcon, but her eyes went wide when I used my driving license to buy the small amount of alcohol you could get there as nothing would stop me enjoying that to the full.

And before long Christmas was fast approaching and I was planning my trip home. I had told Tom when my flight was getting in, but so far not had a reply as that was part of the deal, so I had no idea if he would pick me up or not. I did wonder about asking Annette as a back up, but I’m a big girl, I can get a taxi.

I had a few farewell parties to go to and got to help Katie get back together with her boyfriend, thinking back to what Sue said and agreeing with her that as soon as she goes to college she will dump him, and be better for it. Sue rode a bicycle with me when I went for my last rollerblading trip along the beach right to the marina, and we sat there and chatted. She was really pleased with how I had developed, saying it was very hard for her to see the man I was now, how I was now more like a normal girl, and that no matter what happens with Tom, I will be happy.

She had always been a bit evasive with me about her job, but as she went to university with Annette it’s not like I needed a higher degree to work out she’s been my therapist while I’ve been here. I thanked her for everything she had done for me.

She said, “Will I see you again? I think Katie will miss you.”

“Katie will forget my name by the time she’s left college. But will you see me again? I don’t know. Maybe.”

I looked around at the sea, the beach, the houses and said, “I do like it here, but I really don’t know what my future holds in so many ways. You’ve all helped me forget about that for a while and I will always be grateful for that.”

We sat there quietly for a while, before she pointed out I needed to finish packing before my flight the next day. We didn’t speak on the way back, there was no need to, but I did feel happy. It wasn’t the thought of going home, it wasn’t the hope that I would see Tom again, I was just happy.

The next day was filled with a few hugs and some tears, before I got in the car with Bill for the drive to the airport. After five minutes of silence I said, “Hey, did you know I changed my flight for a later one? We have two hours to kill and there’s a motel over there.”

He started to laugh and said, “Very funny.”

I told him it’s the truth and that if he pulls in to the carpark I will show him my ticket. He looked at it and said, “How the hell have you got a first class ticket!”

It was my turn to laugh and I opened the door,

Two hours later he hugged me goodbye at the airport and I whispered in his ear, “I know you might be worried about a few things, but I just want you to know I was over 18 before anything happened between us.”

I felt him relax at that, and I can understand it, it’s something I have been very scared of doing, and I only broke my rule once with Katie. As I walked through the airport pushing the trolley with more bags than I arrived with, I giggled to myself thinking how I have now slept with everyone in that family apart from Sue.

I did actually sleep on the flight back and being an hour less than the way here it felt easier, even though the jet lag really will kill me this time.

Walking off the plane I was making my way through the airport into the arrivals lounge, I saw no one waiting for me and started making my way out and wondering if a cab driver will be ok with a journey to the south coast. I was a bit sad, but not surprised really that no one was here. Tom had finally found someone. He had been on dates with a couple of women, and we haven’t talked now for a month, but I’m ok with it, I really am. I always knew there were insurmountable issues with us and he was never going to be with me for the long term. But the woman in this body is happy, really happy for the first time.

I know who I am and I am happy with who I am, for the first time in a long time, longer than I realised, way back before this happened to me, but I’m ok. I hate to admit it but I think I settled for Sarah. I loved her, but there was never that moment of being hit by lightning and seeing rainbows when she was around. It’s no wonder some other woman has that when she went out with Tom as I do every single moment I think of him, and he will be hard to get over.

One of my bags fell off the trolley and I stopped to pick it up and even the fact it happened, that it was heavy and no one helped me with it, I was still happy.

And then I saw Tom and I dropped everything and ran and leapt into his arms, wrapping my legs around him and covering him in kisses. He said, “Sorry I’m late, I had trouble finding a parking spot.”

We stayed like that for a while and I said, “I’m never letting go.”

He laughed lightly, and with me still holding onto him, he put my bag back on the trolley, and pushed it out the airport, with me clinging to him with an even bigger smile than I had five minutes ago.

The trip home with Tom was great, and I was glad he had a packet of tissues in his pocket as I had quite a few tears while he carried me out of the airport. I did let him put me down once we were out on the fresh air, although it was so much colder that I had recently been used to, I wish I made him carry me all the way. When we got to the car there were flowers on the passenger seat, and I held them all the way back with a smile on my face.

Of course, once we got in I said a quick hello to Jane and we took my bags upstairs and jumped on the bed. We had missed each other a lot and I needed him, I needed that affirmation from him. We had a lot to talk about as well, but that could wait. After having sex, we just lay there, with me on his chest and him still inside me, and I’m ashamed to say the jet lag caught up with me and I fell asleep. I don’t how long I was out for, it can’t have been long but I looked up at Tom and apologised for it, although I did tell him was nice to wake up with him inside me. He said, “Well, I won’t say I wasn’t enjoying it, but then you started to drool on me, so I’m glad you woke up.”

He climbed out of bed and left me to sleep, waking me up a few hours later to have some food, and told me he was free now till the new year, not counting some marking that needed to be done, and wasn’t going anywhere.

We spent Christmas together, making me wonder what he’s told his family about me, but not pushing it as I do still look young and it could take a lot of explaining that I wasn’t prepared to do just yet. But it was nice to be with him with no other pressure. I did feel bad that I was keeping him away from his friends on new years eve as while I did want to be outside with him, there is the problem that we just might bump into some of the kids I went to school with.

Although that would be funny.

Sarah came down to stay for a night, and it was great to see her and introduce Tom, and I was pleased that she liked him. We all got on really well, and it allowed me to give her a present I should have given her a while ago, and it really surprised Tom. I said to her, “I know when this happened to me all of your plans for the future changed, but you stuck by me when you didn’t need to. So I want to give you this.”

I handed her an envelope and she opened it up, staring at it and said, “No, I don’t accept, it’s too much.”

With then lead to a bit of back and forth between us, with me saying I wanted her to have this for her future. Tom sat there watching us like it was a tennis match, and said, “What are you giving her?”

Sarah said, “A cheque for a million pounds.”

I pointed out that if I hadn’t changed she would have benefited from the sale of my business, and I wanted her to benefit from it now. We sat there in silence for a while, when she looked at me and said, “Thank you.”

I got quite drunk that night, I still can’t handle alcohol like I used to, and with Sarah and Tom I found that I had stopped trying to pace myself and just kept up with them. Tom carried me to bed that night and I passed out, waking up to find out he had kept a close eye on me all night to make sure I was ok. He’s really cute, so I gave him a kiss right after I brushed my teeth. Later that day Tom drove Sarah to the train station and on the way back he said, “Two questions. Where did you get a cheque from in this day and age, and two, how rich are you exactly?”

I laughed and said, “You can get a cheque if you ask the bank to make one for you, and how rich am I? Well, that’s not so easy to answer as I don’t keep a track of it. I did sell my business for 68 million if that helps.”

The car swerved and he said a few words in shock.

The next day he went with me to buy my own car, looking in plenty of showrooms to find something that wasn’t too big, preferably hybrid or electric, and suitable for a girl of 17. Every salesperson but one talked to Tom rather than me, even though I said I was the one buying the car, so I think you can guess who I brought it from. I went with a Fiat 500e, and really struggled not to get one in pink as it looked really cute, ending up with a white one.

I needed something as I was going to the local college, still on my journey to learn more about how to be a girl in the modern world, and was transferring from the high school in LA to the local further education college to do some A levels. The two I had picked were English Lit and drama. I don’t want to be an actor, but in learning how to play the parts, I found it quite helpful. And I wasn’t the only one thinking about having a future in education. Tom had been thinking about going back to university to do a PhD, and had started reaching out to some places to see what the options were for him. So far it looked positive and he had an interview in February to talk through his proposal, but there was plenty of time before we needed to talk through any options.

Arriving at the college for my new term was a disappointing experience. Not for me, that was just another day, but it seemed my classmates had been told about a Californian girl coming to college, not a girl who had spent a few month studying in SoCal. I had a lot of free time and spent a fair bit of it in the library, not just doing research, but also looking for something that interested me. I quite liked English Lit, the structures and meaning behind the writing, digging into it in a way I had never thought of before. I found that it really helped with drama as well for when we were given an assignment and it gave me a new way to look at the characters I was creating.

I still found it hard to connect with my peers, finding that they were either being, well, childish or pretentious while trying to appear like an adult. They really were in-between places in life, with feet in both camps and even though I was the same, I was also different too. My time in Santa Monica had changed me, and it helped me to separate my old life with my new one. When I got to fire my old personal weapon, that felt like a goodbye to what I was holding on to, and seeing Sarah and giving her that money was like I was letting go of the last part of Lew.

At home, life felt more stable. Jane still lived with me, but now had found a job and was quite happy with the current situation, plus I liked having her there with me. She was more of a guide for me than any other woman, making sure my style choices and make up looked correct, often picking me up on things with me pointing out I am an adult in a teenagers body. I often spent the night at Tom’s or he spent the night here but we rarely slept alone. We did manage a few weekends away where we didn’t have to worry about any of the teachers or students from his school seeing us, but his focus now was on his impending interview, making sure he knew the answers to the questions he might face, with his head buried in academic journals.

I decided to go with him to provide some moral support, but also to drive so that he had the chance to go over all his notes and read a few more science papers to make sure he was ready for it. I insisted we go in my car as I loved driving it and hadn’t driven this far in a very long time. I almost told him I had named it Kat, but managed to stop myself, not having the nerve to face to laughter from him. We grabbed a coffee in the main hall of the university and I looked around, thinking how different it looks to when I went to university so many years ago. This place looked clean, the students looked happy and I was quite jealous of Tom getting to do this.

When he went off to get grilled, I wandered over to one of the desks, and asked if there was someone I could speak to about doing a degree. Turns out they were setting up for an open day tomorrow and I was pointed towards the library, where I just looked about to see what they were doing, walking over to one of the tables that caught me eye, saying, “Hello, I’m here today with my boyfriend, but I think I’m interested in doing this course?”

We had a chat about what is involved, and everything they said sounded really interesting to me, in fact, in sounded like it what I was looking for. When I first applied to university, I had to send off for a book with the names of every course, at every university and fill in the form at the back. Now UCAS applications are done online, of course they are, how else could you do it today, and the man I was speaking to who was in his final year said, “How many A Levels do you have and in what subjects?”

I don’t have any of them, and while I could say I was doing a couple right now, why should I? So I said, “I don’t have any A levels.”

“Ah, you need three with an A in both English and English Literature for this course. I think you can do an access course, but I would have to ask someone about it.”

I said, “Oh, that’s a shame. I’m not really interested in doing that or the A levels to be honest.” And I turned to walk away, stopping myself and turning back saying, “But tell me, do you need them if you already have a degree in English?”

He looked at me, and said, “I’m not sure but I guess not. Do you have a degree in English?”

“Yep. And a masters in Marketing and an MBA too.”

I gave him a smile, then said, “Never judge a book by it’s cover, and maybe in future ask what their highest qualifications are. You said you’re graduating this year, right?”

He nodded, and I said, “Good, it means I won’t see you again.”

And I walked back to wait for Tom.

His interview went well, or at least he thought so, but he needed to rewrite his proposal but had been accepted in principle. I was really pleased for him, giving him a quick hug and a kiss, and then I told him that while we waited I submitted an application to do a degree here as well. He was clearly focusing on his future as a PhD student, and it took a second for what I said to sink in and he said, “Wait, what?”

“Yep, I’ve just applied here. I can go elsewhere if you prefer?”

He kept looking at me and I wondered what he was thinking but a slowly a big smile formed on his face and we hugged, walking back to the car hand in hand, stopping for a pub meal and celebrating that night at home but both of us getting drunk. I did point out it wasn’t confirmed yet, but I really hoped it would be.

Back at college I dropped English Lit, I didn’t really need it and kept my focus on doing drama as I was enjoying it for what it is. One day after a session in the theatre, as I was putting my book back in my bag one of the media students came in and asked me if I was interested in being in his final major project, a short film. I said, “Sure, send me the script and I will have a look.”

That evening I read it, and it made me laugh. It wasn’t meant to be funny, but I showed it to Jane and she rolled her eyes at the language in it. It was very much a teenagers idea of how a relationship runs, with two people who meet and fall in love (yawn), set in the backdrop of, yep, you guessed it, a further education college.

I of course had been picked as the female lead, with one of my classmates, Steve as the male lead. Thankfully we had stage kissed already, so I wasn’t worried about any of it, and it was going to be shot over a few weeks. There were constant script changes and I won’t say the lines got any better and I tried to make suggestions to help make it more realistic, but the director had his vision and clearly imagined himself as an Oscar winner, so I went along with it, doing the best I could.

And then I got a few new pages which made me call Steve before I agreed to it. “Steve, have you seen the email?”

I think he was more surprised I was using my phone to make an actual voice call, but he hadn’t seen it yet so I got him to read the revised pages and the new location while I waited on the line. He was a bit unsure at first, so I went round to his and we talked through it, even doing a mini walk through rehearsal and we could do it without any huge issues, so it seemed ok.

I picked him up the next day and we drove to the location, which turned out to be the directors parents home. They weren’t in, and while I only gave Steve some of my suspicions, the parents not being there confirmed the rest of them in my mind.

We were shown to the bedroom, and we already had our costumes on and we started shooting after it had been blocked out. First we came into the room kissing each other, falling back on the bed and clearly about to be going for it. But the director wasn’t happy, so this time I removed his shirt as we moved to the bed, and still he wasn’t happy saying something seems wrong. So the next time my top came off as well, which is why I prepared with putting on my favourite VS underwear. If I’m going to be showing off, then I’m showing off while looking my best!

Now the director seemed happy, but of course there was another scene to come, one where we were supposed to have just had sex and speaking those awful lines, then have sex again. While I was quite comfortable being naked around people, being naked on film is one I was less happy with, so I insisted on being covered and hidden from any camera angles, pointing out I hand’t yet signed a release form for him to use me in the film. I was worried this might happen, so kept putting it off.

The director and his helper left the room, and I said to Steve, “I’m ok with this, are you.” He nodded and tried to act nonchalant, but I could see he was nervous, so I just stripped and got into bed, inviting him in. He tried to hide something a bit obvious, so I just ignored what he had going on down there, it would be unfair any other way and I just hoped he would relax. We called them both in and we lay in the bed, both naked while they set up the shot, and had us run through our lines a few times till he was happy. At least he remembered to do some wide and close ups so there wouldn't be a reshoot.

The one thing was on show is that the side of my body was on display but showing none of the good stuff, he just wanted it to be clear that I was naked. Maybe he was trying to get his rocks off, maybe he was hoping it would make him stand out when getting marked. I was a bit annoyed as I think he planned it, and if he had asked at the start I would have still said yes, but poor Steve needed a bit of warning rather than it being sprung on him.

Then it came time for the ‘sex scene’. We went through the lines again, we kissed a couple of times and he climbed on top of me with the helper holding the duvet so that nothing was shown beyond the sides of each of our bodies.

Steve was still aroused.

And this made it awkward, and meant we had to do the scene several times, all because he was trying to keep it away from me without the other two knowing what was going on. I was never going to be an actor, I had no interest in it beyond a mental activity, but Steve did want it, and this video might one day be part of his calling card and the director was screwing it up for him. So the next take when he climbed on top of me, I took hold of his erect penis and rested it against me.

This was a better take, but we needed to do it again, so to make sure Steve knew I did it on purpose I took hold of him again, and I could feel his smile as we kissed.

The director said, “Cut, ok, can you do that again please, but your position looks wrong, so can you make it look a bit more real.”

I glanced at the director and thought to myself the guy has never had sex and is basing this on the porn he wanks over. So when he said action, I once again took hold of Steve’s erection and if Steve was still worried about it touching me down there, I needed to help him get over that. I directed him into me.

We both gasped at the point of penetration, and the director seem quite happy with it this time, not calling cut till well into the scene. We both lay there with him inside me, and I thought to myself I haven’t been with anyone but Tom since I got back, and all it takes is me to be asked to be in a film and I’m doing a porno!

I was quite enjoying it to be honest, and a quick look at the director and his helper and it was clear they didn’t know what was going on, so we lay there with him quite hard inside me and neither of us moving, while they set the camera up for a different angle and I gave him a squeeze down there with a wink when he looked at me. Then it was action again and he was slowly fucking me while we were filmed.

We were there for a while, the duvet being adjusted to make sure nothing was being shown while we ‘acted’ as if we were having sex, and during one of the takes I felt Steve stiffen and enlarge in me. I held him close, hoping to hide his cum face as he flooded my vagina with his cum. We had to stay like that, him in me for two more takes, then cut was called and the was the shoot over. We’d said all the lines, done all the scenes and Steve rolled off me.

And then the dickhead helper thought it would be funny to whip the duvet off me, and Steve to his credit tried to cover me up, but it was too late. I lay there and called him a few names, but like I said I was quite ok with being naked so I stood up, walked round the bed and slapped him. I walked back to the director to give him a piece of my mind, but his eyes were on a lower part of my body, and I felt the slickness down there and said, “Oh for fucks sake grow up! I’ve been in bed with a hot guy for hours, of course I got wet down there!”

I got dressed and threw Steve’s underwear to him so he could hide that his dick was wet as we sorted ourselves out, and I told the director that I need to see a copy of this before anyone else does, and I will check every frame of footage with him right now to make sure he deletes anything I don’t like, or I won’t sign the release and he will get a letter from my solicitor. He laughed at that, so I picked up my phone, called a number and put it on speaker.

When a law firm answered and I asked to speak to my solicitor after giving my name, his face started to go white, but went grey when I described what just happened and got him to explain to the director what will happen if my conditions aren’t met.

It was ok actually, there was nothing bad, but I told them not to share anything that happened on the closed set, and as his parents walked in right after he got very scared, so it helped me get my point across. I gave Steve a lift home and asked him if he was ok, and it turns out he has a girlfriend I knew nothing about. That’s the problem when you don’t really connect with other students. I told him not to worry, I won’t share what happened with anyone, it was just an accident of filming, even if I did put him in me, so not much of an accident really.

The only other thing of interest is that I was asked to take part in the fashion show as one of the models. It was really boring, but many of the other students loved every second of it. Me, I found standing still for the fittings to be one of the worst things ever, then the day of the show was just a lot of waiting around with 20 seconds of walking on the runway.

I dropped out completely before the end of the year. I didn’t need it anymore, I was quite happy in who I was now and had my place in university confirmed, Tom had his PhD sorted and we were going to rent a flat and live together while we studied. For Tom it was going to be three very intense years with a lot riding on it, but for me it was going to be quite nice, doing something I was looking forward to. I had picked something I wanted to do, something I found out I quite enjoy the idea of, although I’ve not had a lot of practice at it, but they seemed to like the one I did for them when they asked.

Tom rented out his house, I told Jane she could live in mine for the next three years rent free, and told Tom I handle all the payments for the move and everything we needed, paid for a van to move all our stuff to the new place and got it set up. Yes, I know what you’re thinking, I was building a nest and maybe I was, but it was only one we were passing through. He left the school and drove us to our new home, holding hands for as much as the drive as we could. I was excited for the first time in a very long time, really excited. I was with someone I loved, about to move in with them and both of us going on a journey together. And of top of that, for the first time since we got together, we were going to be completely public about our relationship.

I was nervous, but also really excited about the future.

It’s five years since I went to university, again, so I guess I owe you an update.

University was great, and studying again, this time not with an eye some future employment, but just because I wanted to know more about the subject was, well, quite nice as there was no pressure. And off course living with Tom was great too. Each day waking up with him, kissing each other good morning, those lazy days when we could grab them, and just being together made me happy.

For me, being at university was, well, easy. If you’ve ever done a a masters degree you will know what I mean when I say that an undergraduate degree after that is a bit of a walk in the park. Some of it was hard, and you’ll be pleased to know that group work is still nightmare, but I had a lot of free time really and this gave me a chance to learn how to be a young woman. I made friends, but unlike them I knew that once we graduated and went our separate ways we would slowly lose touch, so while the friendships were intense, they were never going to be lasting.

But my journey in becoming a young woman had some drawbacks for Tom. No, I didn’t sleep around, and my uni friends did wonder why I was with an older man but I had no intention of telling them the truth. One did ask if he was my teacher, which really made me laugh and I think helped to convince them that he wasn’t. But going clubbing again was a lot of fun, drinking at one of their student housings, being out late at night, this is what caused some problems.

You see Tom was doing a PhD, and they are pretty intense, more so than a masters degree and compared to the few hours I needed to do each week, I was on holiday compared to him. None of my coursework took a lot of time, but for Tom it consumed all of his. He still got to hang out with the others doing PhDs, but unlike me he was pretty much on his own with it and from what I could work out they were mostly moaning sessions.

And all while I was having a great time and out partying.

I won’t say we were arguing, but there was some friction, and in the start of the second year when his research was really building up the pressure on him, I was, well, a little immature.

One night while he was buried in his laptop reading academic journals he said, “It’s quite easy for you all this isn’t it.”

I was busy typing away at that moment, lost in my own thoughts of my coursework, all so I could go to a party the next night, so I just replied, “Huh?”

He said, “The workload, it’s quite light compared to this.”

Well, this did not make me happy at all. Yes, it was light compared to him, but I was also paying all the bills as there was no way his stipend would give us both a nice flat. Plus I had the constant fear someone would call me out for who I was, or I would slip up when talking about my previous experience instead of calling it something I just read.

I slammed my laptop shut, stood up, pointed to myself and said, “You think all of this is easy for me? You think I don’t have any pressure? You try and explain away the things I know already. Fuck you!”

And I stormed out. Ten seconds later I stopped and looked at my phone, expecting the call from him to say sorry for being so thoughtless, but after a minute of waiting for it I turned my phone off and walked away, wishing I had picked up my car keys and just left him and all of this for good.

I walked the streets, a stupid thing to do at night, but I was so angry at him so not thinking clearly. Did he not see how much I was supporting him in this? Did he not notice that I did everything for him so he could keep doing his research? Did I ever complain about the fact we hardly ever spent time out together of the occasional date as he was always studying?

I kept walking and kept thinking about it, no plan on where I was going or why. I looked at my watch and I had been walking for about an hour and only sort of knew where I was, so I stopped and began to retrace my steps. No matter what I would have to go back to get my stuff before I left him for good. Maybe move into a hotel for a bit or even just quit the course and go home.

But home is now with him, here.

I started to speed up my walk, I wanted to get home to say sorry. The little bit of stress I felt was nothing compared to what he is going through. I saw a landmark I recognised, and changed direction to walk home as quickly as I could so I could apologise in person. Long before I got there I heard Tom calling my name, spinning me around to to see where he was and I ran to him, pulling him into a hug as the tears started flowing, saying “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, please forgive me, I’m just a stupid girl.”

But I don’t think he heard me as he was saying to me, ‘sorry’ over and over again with tears in his eyes. We both stopped speaking at the same time, kissed and both started saying ‘sorry’ again, and we started to laugh.

I said, “I’m sorry, I should have been more thoughtful of you. I’m just a little bitch sometimes.”

He kissed the tip of my nose and said, “Ditto.”

We hugged in silence and I said, “Yeah, but we’re each others little bitch.”

We started walking back and he asked me why I didn’t answer his calls, and I said, “You never called me.”

He looked a bit confused and I took my phone out of my pocket to show him the screen, and I said, “Or I might have turned my phone off when you didn’t phone me the second I walked out. Sorry.”

As I turned my phone on and hundreds of notifications of missed calls and texts came through, he said his phone was in the bathroom so he had to look for it first. I started looking at the texts, which were a lot of ‘sorry’s’ and ‘please come back I love you’.

Even though he was walking right next to me, holding my hand, I sent him a text back saying, ‘This was the worst hour of my life. Let’s not break up again.” I heard his phone vibrate and he gave my hand a squeeze and said, “I will read it later.”

After that mini break up, we made sure we had at least one date night a week where we would go out, maybe to the cinema, ten pin bowling, a restaurant or anything we could think of that would help us remind each other why we liked each other. As well as that, we made sure that we had at least two lunch dates each week, but always changing the days to make sure we never fell into any patterns to keep it as fresh as we could.

And I cut down on my partying with the girls on my course, never more than once a month. They probably thought I was already turning into a housewife, but that wasn’t the case. Tom had been there for me when I needed a friend so badly, he put up with me sleeping around as I, well, grew up, so I was here for Tom, supporting him during his difficult time.

And we survived it all, leading to the last few months of our time here where I was prepping for my final project and dissertation and Tom was getting ready for his Viva. He stopped reading and said, “Oh shit! Look at this.”

I lent over to read the email over his shoulder and said, “Oh wow. What are you going to say back?”

“Right now, nothing, they can wait two days as they say it’s on condition of me getting my doctorate, and I really need to focus on that without adding any extra pressure.”

So I made him a cup of tea while he tried to focus but I could see he was clearly thinking about it, or at least trying not, so I picked up his thesis and started asking him questions. It helped to bring him back into focusing on the immediate issue, passing.

After that night I made myself as scarce as possible while he kept his focus up while being as supportive as I could be. I don’t think he noticed I was always nearby him to give support the moment I thought he needed it, staying out of his way the rest of the time.

I drove him to his viva, but never went in with him, instead waiting outside till I knew it had started then went and sat outside the room, sitting there quietly and glad I couldn't hear anything. An hour and half passed until the door opened and he stepped out, surprised to see me. He said, “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you. What did they say?”

He sat down next to me and said, “They told me to wait out here while they chat and will call me back in when they’re ready.”

I took hold of his hand and intertwined my fingers in his his and said, “Then we can wait together.”

We sat there in silence for half an hour when the door opened and a women stepped out and said, “You can come back in now Doctor.”

I probably had the biggest smile on my face that I’ve ever had, watching Tom as he stood up and looked at me and said, “Wish me luc…”

Then his head turned back to the woman at the door and he saw her smile and she nodded at him. I felt all the stress and pressure he had been under just disappearing and he turned back to me, but I shooed him on his way, very happy for him.

My very own doctor.

He passed with no corrections, and now had bugger all to do other than spoil me. The sex that night wasn’t great, he was too tied to last for long and he fell asleep underneath me as he came. But he made it up to me several times the next day, and I’m amazed I didn’t end up with bow legs, but I was very sore in plenty of places. It was a special occasion, so I was ready to try something new, and while I think it might take a while to get used to it, I liked it.

I submitted my final project and we went back home, but this time we both went to my house as he was still renting out his own. Jane was there and had made quite a home for herself and I was ok with that and while it must have been hard on her having a couple there, Tom moved in with me. We had nothing to do other than discuss the future, in particular the email he received. They sent him another one the day after his viva and it seemed they must have heard as it began with congratulations, but he had a job offer and we needed to talk about it as it would mean moving, He began talking to them, and I could see he was interested in it, which really wasn’t a problem to me, after all, I am technically retired.

We went back for the graduation ceremony, booking a hotel and his mum and dad came along. I’d met them quite a few times and while they didn’t know everything about me, they had been told I was older than I look and we had picked an age for me of 23. I really liked his parents, his mum was of course suspicious of me, but a shopping trip where I brought her an expensive antique that she liked as a present showed I wasn’t after him for his earning potential. I had to confess that I had a lot more money than him, which really helped win her over.

In the morning it was my graduation, seeing the others from my course and having a glass of champagne with them afterwards was a nice way to end the whole experience, and Annette was right, I did need to find a new place for myself and I think I have. Maybe I will be a bit of a housewife to Tom, but I also had something I wanted to do now, and I could do it anywhere that he was.

In the afternoon I was there for Tom, sitting in the auditorium as he was hooded and I whooped and hollered louder than everyone else. That evening we went out for a meal with his parents and we talked about the job offer he had received and what it would mean for the future. They fully supported him and his mum even made some comments about it being a nice place to bring up kids. He gave me a look and I just gave him a smile and a shrug. It wasn’t something I had thought about seriously before, but could I be a mother?

Turns out the smile and shrug was a mistake as Tom was worried I was pregnant already, but I reminded him that I have an IUD in, and we are not quite at the point of having that conversation just yet. Tom accepted the job offer, which then meant we had a few visits to the embassy to sort out visas, which included a long conversation about my date of birth and why I had no interest in getting a job or the need for one. There were a few letters from the hospital and Annette in support of me, and we were approved.

We decided to rent a place to get by at the start while I went looking for somewhere we could call home, and that became my job. I looked at a lot of places, but I think I knew where I wanted to live, I had rollerbladed in the area quite a lot in the past, and I found a house I really liked in Marina City, just along the beach from Venice in Los Angeles, not directly on the beach but with a view of it from the roof terrace. I fell in love with it, taking Tom there there next day to have a look, and offering the asking price to the realtor there and then.

Tom worked in one of the universities, mostly doing research but with a little teaching. He wasn’t happy about the last part as he really wanted to get away from it but as he had experience in the field they really wanted him to do this and the money was good. Sadly he lost all the advantages of being in Europe and paid holiday time. I still can’t quite understand why Americans seem to be so happy with so little paid time off from work.

Anyway, we settled into life there, got to know the neighbours (one of whom are quite famous but I won’t name them here), and we had a good life. About a year after moving I was walking through Walmart doing some shopping when something caught my eye on someones tee shirt. I followed the man who was wearing it, walking up to him and with my eyes focused on it said, “Excuse me, sir, where did you get the Poppy?”

He was wearing a Poppy from the Royal British Legion and I was thinking he might be Canadian as I think they wear them too around Armistice Day, I wanted one as well. It might make me stand out over here in the states, but I was very aware that I won’t be going to Remembrance Sunday this year while living here. While you might think that it was part of my old life, it’s one part I don’t think I will ever give up.

I looked up at the man and my eyes went wide. He said, “Oh, you’re English. I sent off for a few from the British Legion office over here. Let me find the address.”

He took his phone out of his pocket and I said, “Have you got time for a coffee?”

He looked back at me and was clearly wondering why a young woman was hitting on a man in his fifties, when I added, “And then I can explain why I know you’re called Mac.”

It was his turn for his eyes to go wide, so I pushed my trolly away from me, embarrassed about abandoning everything for a staff member to put back, but trying to make it clear I wanted to talk to him. He said, “How do you know my name?”

“Let’s get a coffee Mac and I will explain.”

And I walked towards the exit to go over the road to Starbucks and I felt him following me. Once seated, I said, “Do you have any photos on you from when you were in the army?”

He took his phone out and started looking, telling me he might have, finding some and showing them to me until he got to one I recognised. I said, “That’s you Mac, that’s Smithy, Johnny, Harry, Howie, Dobbo, and Pat.”

I looked at him and waited to see what he would say, and I took my phone out and searched for one of the news articles about me when it was first reported that I changed, laying it on the table for him to see as I said, “And the last one is Lew. I go by Louise now.”

He looked at my phone and the photo, then at me and back at the photo and opened his mouth to speak and I said, “Don’t tell me it’s bollocks. Ask any question you want.”

He sat there looking at me, then said, “Me, Lew and Howie went to bar in Amsterdam, what happened.”

I started to laugh, and said, “Oh, you want to go there. Ok, but I’m keeping my voice down.”

Then I told a story about how a stripper made a challenge that no one could live up, but that Howie had diarrhoea from drinking too much and could live up to the challenge and we got kicked out. Then he asked a question about a particular exercise we did and before he got any further I said, “…and I provided cover for you as you acted as the phantom turd burglar. We’ve never told anyone it was you.”

He sat back in his chair and said, “What’s my job?”

“I helped you get a job as a photographer when you left the army ten years after me. Last I heard you had started doing some videography, so I guess you might still be doing that.”

He sat there looking at me for a minute and said, “Shit, is it really you?”

We spent an hour in there just chatting while I explained everything and it felt good. Here was someone from my past that I knew I could trust, that chance had put us back together and while it didn’t feel like old times, it felt familiar. We went back and did our shopping and he followed me home where I think I shocked him even more by introducing him to Tom. Mac needed to leave to get up early the next day for a advertising shoot he was working on, but we agreed to meet up again before he left for the UK. I said to him, “Please don’t tell anyone else. That’s an old part of my life and while I will never forget it, it doesn't feel a part of me anymore.”

He actually gave me a hug and said, “You will always be my oppo. I got your back.”

He had one night in LA after the shoot before he flew back and we went out to bar, walking in and he said to the barman, “Listen mate, we’re Brits, this is how we drink, we don’t have a problem. Keep them coming until we fall over. And when we go to the bog, we’re not throwing up, just making space for more.”

It was a good night, and Tom came and picked me up as I really can’t drink like I used to, plus I’m smaller than Mac so it was a mistake to try and keep up with him. Tom held my hair for me when I was throwing up, and laughing at me in the morning as I promised that it was just a goodbye to an old life and will never happen again.

I did stay in touch with Mac as he was often in LA, and one day he came with me and Tom when we went to Las Vegas and got married. Mac thought I was going to ask him to give me away, but I said I just wanted someone on my side as I was very, very nervous. Me and Tom had been talking about this for a while now, originally going to do it back in the UK, but then we thought lets just do it now. So here I am, a bride, standing in the chapel with Tom as my groom, and Elvis doing the ceremony, with Mac as my maid of honour (I told him that after the service, and I think he was quite proud of it really).

When I fell pregnant, I had to go home as there were a lot of worries about what a pregnancy would mean for me, so at the last possible moment I flew home without Tom so that my doctors, the team who looked after me at the start could be there. The midwife had to be brought on board for this so she understood all the potential issues. Jane was amazing and took some time off work to look after me, even though I kept trying to get her to leave me alone. But everything was going well, apart from missing Tom like mad. We talked a few times every day, and Jane used to tell him off from the other room if he woke me up. When it was time, I texted Tom and screw the expense, I arranged a private jet to get him here as quickly as possible and he arrived twenty minutes before I gave birth to a baby girl. Jane came along to visit, so did Jackie the nurse, the first time I saw her since I was released from hospital, Annette was there and told me my little girl was beautiful, and as I held her I cried. I loved her so much already. Mac turned up to see me at home after Tom had to go back to work and he became a godfather on the spot. Of course, I had to explain him away as an old family friend to Tom’s mum who wouldn’t leave me alone, but as soon as we could both fly, we went back home to LA and Tom, my little girl and me.

She’s a year old now, and thankfully napping in the next room, as I have a deadline to meet. You see, when I went back to university, almost on a whim I picked Creative Writing as a degree to study. I quite like it, and was actually published while still at university with a selection of short stories. I don’t make the top sellers lists, but I sell enough to keep the publishers happy with printing a few copies, while most get sold as e-books.

What’s my pen name? Well, that would be telling, but I will say that I am happier than I have ever been in my life. This new me is a big improvement on the old me. And if you’re interested, the entire medical team asked the age old question. What hurts more, getting kicked in the balls or childbirth?

I always give the same answer, kidney stones.

The End.

But when I opened the door and the woman in there turned around to look at me my mouth dropped open. I knew who she was, and all I could think is why does a massively famous Hollywood actress want to talk to me?

Leaving the meeting I was a very surprised, well, a very surprised young woman and it wasn't at all what I expected in so many varied ways. What she said gave a lot to think about and according to the agreement I had signed I wasn’t even allowed to talk it over with anyone apart from her, and she did want me to talk about it with her as what she was asking was huge. Like really huge!

This time the cab they got for me had a female driver and I was too distracted to engage with her on the way back, but when I was dropped off at the hospital she did say she hoped I was ok which was really nice.

“Thank you, I do appreciate that, and yes, I am ok.”

She gave me a big smile and said, “And I hope I’m not out of order for saying this, but I read the article about you and I think you make a very nice young woman. I hope things go well for you.”

Well, she got a big tip from me for that.

The next week was more of the same, but on the Friday Penny came to visit and I said she could bring Evie, and lets just say that was a whirlwind of activity. Despite being older than her, I’m now physically smaller than her, and technically almost the same age. She ran in and gave me a big hug and we fell back not he bed as I struggled to understand what she was saying as she talked to me. Everything was coming out so quickly from her mouth, but from what I understand she hadn't told anyone anything about me, and that while everyone talked about me at her school, it soon stopped. Basically, she was overexcited to see me, not just as a new girl, but as she had missed me.

And then she said, “Oh, we need to follow each other on TikTok.”

I had heard of it, but never used it myself, but she helped me set up an account, right after setting up a new email in my new name and she said she would make some videos that will help me, especially with my clothes as she could tell that her mum had been helping me.

She was an absolute breath of fresh air and made me feel, well, accepted. She arranged to go shopping with me as soon as I released from here and to introduce me to her friends, but I said no to that part. While I loved the idea of her being my guide, there was still a part of me that felt, well, weird with the idea of hanging out with a bunch of young girls, and in a sign of either her maturity or the amazing job Penny is doing in raising her, she understood it instantly.

We hung out in my room and I told them both that while I was being released, I was also becoming an outpatient but first I was being whisked away by the magazine for another interview or something for a few days and they wouldn't tell me where. For some reason they were worried about someone else trying to talk me and stealing their exclusive.

The next day I was allowed out again and I decided to do some shopping as Evie uploaded her wearing loads of different outfits, clearly in an attempt to make me buy some better clothes and I liked the video and left a comment saying there were some good tips in it. Walking around the store in leggings felt quite nice and no one seemed to bother me very much which was a massive bonus. Either they were ignoring me or had forgotten all about the freak I sometimes thought of myself as. I had my list of things to look for thanks to Evie and she had texted me after I commented on her upload that I should try and get three complete outfits, but not to try and get the exact same that I needed to try and find the things that I like while I work out my own style.

It’s funny really, but the only thing I managed to find that I liked was a pair of jeans, surprised at how they fit me now I have a lot less down there. While thinking about my lack of shopping success (although Penny later told me it was a success as I tried on a lot of things and rejected most of it), I was sitting in starbucks having a coffee and I saw two guys in their early twenties, and well, I could feel some of the things that Lou had warned me about. The warmth I could feel down there was due to them and a lady boner is a bit of a nightmare, maybe worse than sitting here in shorts as a man with an obvious erection.

But I’m not quite ready to delve into those thoughts just yet, even if Rose wants me to talk about it. There’s a lot of social conditioning that happened in my line of work - her words - that I need to overcome but I’m not ready. As Lou said about it, I’m now a growing girl and she struggled with it as well.

Back in hospital I was very excited to finally be ending my stay here and was told on the final day that I was now about 13 years of age. I packed up my little suitcase, the type you would put in the overhead on a plane that Penny picked up for me, gave Graham a hug and walked out to the car the magazine had sent for me. The windows were blacked out, they had even pulled the curtains shut and made it so I couldn't see where I was going.

So I took my phone out and looked at the map as I was curious. I spent three days in a quite nice hotel and asked not to leave my room while the press went looking for me and hoped to get a photo of me outside my flat, but thankfully they got bored and left on the third day and I was finally allowed to go home. That was all very cloak and dagger and I really didn’t see the point in it to be honest, it’s not like I can hide forever. The journey home was funny really, and I almost treated it like a game, but they were so serious about the whole thing. I was back in the blacked out car and then transferred to a taxi which took me to a train station. Then we crossed the foot bridge to go out the other side to another taxi, all timed with two trains in the station in case we were being followed. Then we did it again at another station and finally I got a cab to take me home.

I opened the door and Penny and Evie were waiting for me, and the three of us had a mini party, in that they put up a banner and restocked my fridge and we had some cake. Evie was upset that I was drinking a beer, saying to her mum, “How come she’s allowed to drink and I’m not!”

I tried not to laugh as she was reminded that while we both look the same age, we’re not, but decided that in future I will never drink in front of her, well, at least until she’s allowed to anyway.

They went home after a couple of hours and for the first time in weeks I was truly alone. I stuck the tv on, went and had a shower and just sat there in a pair of leggings and tee shirt while I switched off my brain and just let myself fall asleep on the sofa.

When I woke up I was annoyed with myself. This is what I used to do and as Lou said I’ve been given an opportunity that while I might not want it, it is an opportunity and one for me to grab or just ignore. I sent her a text saying I was home now and had no idea what to do, and she rang me. I had woken her up as it was 2am in LA but it was ok, she was here for me and she went out to sit on her balcony while we chatted for hours.

The next day was a Thursday and I got a nice surprise in the post, a new driving license and passport in my new name, so I sent a text to Lou’s solicitor to thank him for sorting it, and he rang me a few minutes later for a chat and to share some unwelcome news. He told me that while the money has now been transferred into my account, I need to deal with all the tax stuff and he worked out what I will owe HMRC and that I need to put that someone so that I don’t spend it. It was a bit of a downer as it massively changed my plans and how long I could survive without getting a job, but he was really insistent on this as I wouldn’t get away it like I thought I would.

So on my first full weekend out of hospital I started looking for a job.

My CV is a bit light really and with barely any qualifications apart from driving I had no idea what I could do, so I rang my old boss for a chat. He said, “Well, to be honest driving is out, you’re too small and will get stopped by the police all the time, or the customers will complain about the use of child labour. Sorry.”

I was starting to feel all depressed about the whole thing again, there was so much I needed to buy such as a whole new wardrobe, make up, haircare products and so much more according to the list from both Penny and Evie, I was starting to think that maybe I will only have enough money for a year at best and now my old boss is basically telling me I’m screwed.

He said, “Look, let me make some calls and see what I can do but I’m not going to make any promises.”

It was better than nothing, but didn’t fill me with a lot of confidence going into the weekend as I sent off a load of emails looking for a job. On Monday I had to go the hospital for the first of my weekly check ups and then in the afternoon I was on Skype with Rose for my weekly therapy session. She didn’t have any answers for me either and got the problem I faced. I really didn’t want to blow through my money and end up needing to go on the dole, but all she could suggest is I keep trying.

I said, “I know, I just find it really frustrating that even though I have my license back I won’t be able to get a job as a driver.”

And then my phone rang, and I saw it was my old boss. I muted the Skype call and answered it quickly to say I will call him back then went back to Rose, saying, “I’ve got an interview. My old boss spoke to someone who’s looking for, and these are his words, ‘an office girl at their transport firm’, and he put my name forward. It’s tomorrow.”

She was obviously pleased, and the moment the call ended I rushed round to see Penny as I needed some urgent help. What the hell do I wear to an interview!

The next day in a borrowed blouse from Penny and one of Evie’s skirts I set off for my interview.

In the evening Penny came round to see me and she found me drunk on the sofa. I not only didn’t get the job, they specifically said I look too young and ‘lets face it, none of the drivers will take anything seriously when I give them their next job’.

I’m not proud of it, but I basically ran out the interview as I had started to cry, I mean, I wore this as I thought it was the type of thing they wanted to see, but all they could see was a young teen girl and not the 32 year HGV1 driver stuck in this body.

They just didn’t care.

Penny arranged for a neighbour of hers to look after Evie that evening and she sat with me talking and not letting me drink anymore, holding my hair as I was sick in the toilet and helping me clean up and put me to bed. I said, “I love you so much, I’m sorry I’m such a mess right now.”

She kissed the top of my head and said she would come round in the morning as she didn't have any appointments, but I’m used to heavy drinking and early mornings so I was there just as Evie left for school who rolled her eyes at what I was wearing and told me to do better next time as I gave her a hug, I thought I looked ok.

Once tea was made I sat on her sofa and she said, “Look, if money becomes a problem you can move into here.”

“No, I don’t think that will be problem, at least not just yet, but I wanted to say thank you for looking after me last night.”

She smiled at me and said, “Seriously, you are never a problem for me and what you’re dealing with right now is a pretty shit thing. You know you came up in a meeting yesterday and they asked my advice. They were talking about if you needed a social worker and I made it clear that you have a very large support group across two continents, and no one there talks to you without going through me.”

I felt ashamed really, she’s still looking out for me after all these years and I mouthed ‘thank you’ to her.

I wasn’t sure if I could talk to her about this though, it had been on my mind since I came out of hospital but I trusted her opinion and even with the NDA I had signed, I needed to talk it over with someone I trust, someone who understands me. But I won’t tell her who asked me to sign the NDA, after all, I guess I need to follow some of the rules.

“Well, there is another offer I’ve received.”

And I told her everything.

She was surprised, but given what has just happened understood why I was seriously thinking about it, I mean, all it took was one bad experience and something that was abstract was suddenly feeling like a very good option.

I thought about it all that day, finally thinking it was a good option so I sent a text, followed by a phone call that lasted about an hour while all the details were being sorted and an agreement was made. So now, here I am on a train to London to do something either very stupid or very worthwhile. I won’t say she supported my decision, but she did say she will support me and at least now I have someone to talk to about it.

It hurt, hurt a lot more than I expected it to and… Oh, wait, let me go back a bit and catch you up.

I had gone to London and checked into a hotel, quite a nice one actually and I’ve been here for three hours just waiting, but now it’s time. The reason I’m here is to meet with the incredibly famous Hollywood actress and the conversation with her was all about making sure this would happen.

What I talked to Penny about that evening was the offer that had been made to me and that I was going to take it, and while I was scared, I was way more scared about what would happen to me if I lost my flat and became homeless. Yes, Penny offered to take me in but even then, she would then have two teenagers living with her and Evie already very much thinks I am just like her and I need to keep bringing her back to reality that I’m really not.

So for the next 24 hours I am at the beck and call of the famous Hollywood actress (can we call her FHA from now on as it’s a lot to keep typing?), for £150k, enough to pay off my mortgage and leave me with enough money now for at least two years.

As Penny said to me, I won’t be the first woman to sell her body to make ends meet.

As I walked along the corridor to the lift up to her floor and knock on the door to their suite at exactly 8pm, it made me think how much this must be costing her, and how funny it was really that the agreement when offered is that outside of anything medical, I wasn’t allowed to have anything bigger than a finger inside me. Yes, of course I had experimented and I had to wonder if two fingers was a technical break of the contract or not, but anyway, the agreement on my side had been fulfilled. While I had found myself looking and wondering about men, I wasn’t exactly sure how to overcome my nerves but this offer had been made and well, money is money and this is good money.

I stepped out of the lift and was pleased no one was there to see me as I walked along the corridor, feeling ridiculously nervous, maybe as much so as doing my first solo reverse with a trailer after passing my HGV1 test out on a delivery, but I was as ready as I could be, and following the instructions given to me. I was dressed as she wanted, which basically meant a short skirt and no underwear, and my online research into this business that I’m entering is that my pleasure isn’t as important as the clients, it’s for them to have a good time within the boundaries set and if I enjoy then all well and good, but otherwise I should make them think I’m enjoying it.

I’m shit scared!

I knock on the door and the FHA opens it and I smile with a confidence I don’t really feel and she ushers me in, quickly looking outside to see if anyone has seen us, or maybe me.

As we walk though the hotel suite, which is exactly what you imagine it be thanks to tv and film, it’s big, open and there’s a bedroom to one side. The FHA says, “Darling, your anniversary gift is here.”

You see, she’s buying my virginity for her husband as a gift. He’s been very famous for a long time, long enough that he was a little too old for the teens that obsessed over him and way to shy to take advantage of those few who were of a legal age. They’ve been married for quite a long time in Hollywood standards, like over 20 years or something and together for about five years before that, and she told me that they have never been with anyone else in all that time.

I’m not quite sure I believed that.

So her equally famous husband walks out and looks at me and is clearly confused so she walks over to him and starts whispering in his ear as I stand there feeling quite stupid. On the plus side, she had told me that if he doesn’t want this I still get the money, but then I see a smile cross his face and he says, “Oh yeah. Is that why you kept trying to talk me about what happened to him?”

Strangely I felt hurt he called me that and he said, “Sorry, I mean her. You know what I mean, you’re clearly a her.”

And he walked over and placed his hands on my upper arms as he kissed my cheek and said, “Hi, it’s nice to meet you. Would you like a drink?”

He walked over to a bar and asked what I wanted and my first thought was a beer, but instead asked for a Malibu and coke, which he managed to find and pour for me as FHA quietly talked to me and we dealt with the money transfer to my account. We all sat down, with me on one sofa and them both on the other facing me.

Well, me going commando meant they both saw me, and we just chatted and drank our drinks for a bit, then they suggested I take in the view from the balcony in their bedroom and we headed in there. He stood behind me as he pointed out some of the sights from here, and FHA was smiling at me. Maybe it was the booze, maybe it was how friendly they were being but I had started to relax, so when they suggested we go back inside, I thought nothing of us going to sit on the bed as he took my hand.

He said, “Have you ever been kissed by a man, since you became a girl that is?”

I shook my head. “Not once.”

FHA said, “Have you ever been kissed by a man?”

I shook my head, and then she asked me if I would like to try it. Well, yes, I would like to try it, but I also got the sense from them that they wanted me to be a bit bashful, not a hard thing to pretend right now as I really was feeling that way.

I nodded.

He lent forward and gently touched his lips to mine, and my first thought was wishing I was sitting on a towel. The kissing kept going until our tongues were playing with each others and I remembered we weren’t alone and I opened an eye to look at his wife smiling at us while she watched. And then I felt a hand on my leg.

I might have flinched a little at first, but I never tried to stop it and I never pulled away. So far everything was quite nice.

The hand caressed me slowly as it worked it’s way higher and higher up leg, under my skirt and finally touched me there. I felt a moan from the husband as his fingers felt me and gently played with me down there, running up and down until the tip of a finger went into me and it was my turn to moan into his mouth. I felt myself being gently pushed back on the bed and I lay back with my legs open as he kissed his way down my still clothed body and stuck his face into my pussy.

If he was hoping to make me more wet he was going to be disappointed. It was like he had turned on a hose, but I wanted more.

I reached out for him and didn’t wait, I just put my hand into his pyjamas trousers to feel him and he was rock hard. In the back of my mind I wondered how it was going to fit in me, but my going straight for his cock seemed to fire him up some more and he broke away from me down there and said, “Do you want it?”

I nodded and he quickly stood up and threw off his pyjamas till he was there completely naked, his cock pointing at me. I was still laying there with my leg wide apart and my skirt round my waist and his wife sitting there looking at me. He climbed back onto the bed and moved between my legs getting closer and closer until I could feel his cock touching me and trying to get inside me as he kissed me. I felt another hand on my body, clearly FHA as she reached between us and took hold of her husband as she guided him into me.

It hurt, hurt a lot more than I expected it to and now I’ve caught you up.

So it felt great, eventually, but at first having something that big in me was painful, I mean, he is my first and he took my virginity so I guess that’s not a surprise. When he came inside me I was a bit surprised as he seemed to somehow get bigger and I could feel him twitching in me as, well, his cum was pumped into me. I felt a lot wetter down there, but also thankful for not only Lou’s advice, but apparently the entire medial and therapist team that I should have an IUD fitted before I leave hospital.

Turns out the gynaecologist did notice my moan of pleasure when I was with him and he thought it might be a good idea too.

Anyway, I had sex with the FHA’s husband and I was available to him for 24 hours, so we had sex quite a few more times. Turns out a teen girls body with an adult inside keeps a guy going for quite a while. We had sex in quite a few positions and I’m not only quote ok with swallowing, I’m very ok with taking a dick in my mouth. We had food delivered but I had to hide, and I even had sex with FHA for him to watch, a very new experience and, well, I would say I’m about 10% bi as I quite liked it.

She is very beautiful and maybe in a small way I was living out an old fantasy with her.

Of course, I could have been star struck and remembering that I would have knocked a few wanks out over her in the past, so I guess that’s still to be confirmed, but there is no doubt in my mind that I like men. When I woke up in bed with both of them and him being the big spoon I quite liked it and I found myself looking at him in the half light and admiring his face, looks and well, his body too.

So, in my mind quite a lot was going on. I had sold not just my body but the first time anyone was going to be inside my body was for money, so that was a mental struggle but at least I knew that no one would ever know about it. I can’t imagine the happy couple here talking about it on a chat show and how they wanted a teen girl to give it up for him. Then there was the fact that I enjoyed it quite a lot. Considering it was my first time and what I was doing here he could have done quite lot with me within the agreement, but actually he was surprisingly gentle and nice and really good.

Not that I have anyone to compare him to, but it was good.

I won’t say each of my orgasms were real, but some of them were and for that I’m grateful. They woke up not long after me and ordered breakfast and then the sex carried on. He had planned for them to go out to something or other, they never told me what it was, but he fucked me from behind while standing with FHA sitting in front of us masturbating as she watched him cum inside me once again.

They must have planned what happened next as she picked up my vest top and put it on me while he was still inside me, then she brought over my skirt and I stepped into it, but of course with him in me I couldn't do it up. He shuffled to the door with me impaled on him and FHA looked through the peephole and said it’s clear. I got a quick kiss and he said to me, “Thank you for this, it’s like a fantasy I was never able to live has finally come true.”

The door opened and he was still in me as I tried to hold my skirt up and he said, “I hope you don’t mind, but this is part of the fantasy.”

And he pushed me out into the corridor and my skirt fell to the floor as the door was shut behind me. Quickly I pulled it up and did up the zip, but in bending down for it I of course squeezed some of his cum out of me - there was a lot of cum already in there - and I walked towards the lift. While waiting for it, I heard a door open and two people walked towards me and the lift pinged so I had to hold it till they arrived. It was a couple of men wearing suits in their fifties I guess, and as soon as the lift doors shut I realised I smelled of sex, a lot of it.

They both subtly sniffed the air and looked at me, but of course there was no denying it and the agreement was that no one was to know that I had been to see them or what for, so I couldn't go straight to my room. So I rode down to the lobby with them both as I felt cum run down the inside of my legs. Once in the lobby I walked through it and decided to bluff it out, heading to the desk asking if there were any messages for me (obviously there were none), and I turned back to the lift.

This time I shared the ride with two men in suits, I guess in their forties who were businessmen and both pulling cases and once again I saw the subtle sniffs when they smelled sex from me. One of them had no issue in looking at me and smiled and I had seen the state of my hair, so here I was looking like a teen girl who had been royally fucked because I had.

I was glad to be back in the safety of my room as I ran a bath for my final night here and took my phone out of the safe to turn it on. Penny of course wanted to know I was ok, so I reassured her I was then I got in the bath to clean every part of my body.

While I enjoyed the sex, I wanted to get clean as I felt very dirty about the whole thing. I raided the mini fridge as I’m not the one paying for it, and got a little drunk and maybe a bit tearful. A very pruned me got in to bed and after what seemed forever as I thought over everything I had done in the past 24 hours I finally managed to get to sleep.

Penny came to see me when I got home and pulled me into a hug and immediately I started to cry. She was also desperate to know who had fucked me, it’s good gossip after all, but was kind enough to make sure I was ok first. I pointed out the reason I sold myself was to make sure I was going to be ok for a couple of years as I had to pay tax on the magazine money, and then she broke the news to me that the bank is likely to report the extra money in my account to the taxman so I will need to either break the NDA or pay tax on it and just be honest with them.

I grabbed the bit of paper with all my sums on and she looked up what the tax rates were and I realised that while I was a bit better off, I was nowhere near my intended target.

I looked at her and said, “Shit”.

I needed to cheer myself up and I went shopping, but found myself standing in the changing room looking at myself in the mirror and wondering who I am exactly.

I needed to do some more job searching, trying to find something, anything that will bring in some hopefully decent money as I’m never going to get a payday like that again. But I’m still stuck with this body and I just can’t see how my couple of GCSEs are going to help me get something beyond minimum wage looking like this.

I had another long bath when I got home and tried to work out what the benefits were of this shampoo and conditioner that Evie recommended for me that seemed to cost 25 quid a bottle. How can it be that much better than just a simple shampoo?

Ok, yes, I found that out when I used it and my hair felt a lot more shiny and silky, and I found myself running my fingers through it the rest of the day. At quarter to four my door bell went and it was Evie. Penny had told her that she needed to come to mine, and her positivity lifted my spirits, and we just chatted about nothing.

Ok, we did talk about something. I was already aware of Taylor Swift but over the next two hours I learnt a lot more about her and why she is so important to - and this is what she said - “girls like us.”

I found myself giggling along as I still see myself as a man in a young girls body. In fact, it had been discussed with me the option to go under the knife once I’m fully developed, but to be honest after finding myself thinking about men more, I can’t see how that will help me. Besides, having lost my virginity I can see some advantages to being a girl who likes men.

Penny arrived to pick up Evie and she gave me a wink and I realised that she actually sent her here to cheer me up and it worked. So the next day with no idea what to do I headed out to do some window shopping and brought myself a coffee.

And found myself being chatted up by two boys.

I do mean they were boys, they must have been about 15 or 16 I guess, a little cute and well, typical boys. I let them flirt with me and I told them I had a boyfriend just to make it clear I had no intention of dating them, but it was fun. They were trying to impress me, doing and saying some stupid stuff and it’s hard not to think that I must have come across just like them once, you know, idiots.

Anyway, I managed to lose them by going into a women’s clothing store and their masculinity wouldn’t let them follow, and getting home I felt quite good about myself. In bed I will admit to playing with myself and thinking of them, getting to orgasm and laying there panting with a light sheen of sweat over my naked body. As I got myself back together I wondered when I kicked the duvet off.

In the morning I felt amazing, the world felt good and I wanted to do something positive, so I opened up yesterdays shopping bag and pulled on a pair of shorts and a sports bra and went for a run.

I felt great and wondered why I ever stopped running as I got older as I loved it so much in school, then remembered that I became a lorry driver and you can’t really go for a run and leave your truck. My hair was in a ponytail and swinging from side to side, and I was up so early I was passing kids going to school who must have wondered why I wasn’t doing the same as them. I stopped for a quick chat with Evie when she saw me, she was with some school friends and I didn’t want to get in her way so left quickly using the excuse I didn’t want to cool down.

As I started to head off, I heard one of her friends ask her who I was, and she said, ‘oh, she’s the daughter of my mum’s friend’ and I decided I was going to treat her and Penny to something that evening, sending Penny a text when I got home. Turns out, a treat for them was going ten pin bowling and it was an awesome evening, really fun and we had a great time. Getting home I continued to feel a lot better about myself and the next day I was job hunting again.

And the next day, and the next day after that and so on for month and no replies.

It was crushing me trying to find a job I could do and I really didn't want to take up Penny’s offer of giving with her. I’m sure I could rent this place out and cover both my mortgage and something for her, but if I did that I had a feeling it would be an excuse not to go to work and I would just lay on the sofa all day doing nothing. Not only that, I’m used to living on my own and I would need to adjust to her’s and Evie’s timetable and I am sure I would very soon be in the way of them living their lives.

And then I got an unexpected text from FHA, but I ignored it for a few days as I wasn’t sure what to do about it, but the Friday after getting it I was round Penny’s for a movie night with Evie and it was her turn to pick the film. Sitting there watching the man that fucked me in an action film was kinda funny, but the sex scene was embarrassing. Evie was embarrassed watching it with her mum, but I noticed that like me she was squeezing her legs together and I wondered if she had some of the same feelings I was having, although without the memories I had of course. To be honest, I’m not surprised as he is very attractive and I found myself blushing. I looked at Penny and she was watching me and gave me a knowing smile and I felt myself go even more red.

And then I gasped and couldn't help it. No, I didn't have an involuntary orgasm, it was more what happened on screen that shocked me. You see, he did something in the film that he did to me, except with me it was real and now I wondered if he did it with me because he did it in the film or if if it’s something he always does during sex. My phone pinged with a message and I picked it up and it was from Penny and it just said ‘it was him wasn't it’. I looked over at her and smiled and turned back to the film.

Of course, once the film was over Evie had to go to bed and me and Penny talked and I admitted it was him and why I gasped and I told her quite a lot about it, more than I expected. It was a little cathartic to get it off my chest, and I suppose I should feel a little guilty at breaking the NDA, but I really did need to talk about it. Penny said that while she wouldn’t want to have been in my shoes, she wouldn't have minded being in my place based on the film, ‘so to speak’.

The she said, “Oh, how’s the job hunt going?”

“Badly, I have hundreds of rejection emails as I’m not qualified for anything and the best feedback I get is why don’t I go back to driving. So far it seems the the only job I’m now qualified for is delivering blow jobs!”

She reached out and held my hand and I picked up my phone and showed her the text from FHA. She said, “What will you do?”

“I’m starting to wonder that myself. Physically I’m 13 and unless they interview me what hope do I have of convincing anyone that I’m older, but I have nothing, no qualifications and only enough money to survive for at least three years if I’m very careful with my money, And I can only do that as I sold my virginity, and now it seems that some others might be interested in me and what the hell do I do?”

She sat there and thought for a moment and said, “Did you like it?”

“Selling my body?”

She shook her head and said, “No, the sex. Did you like having sex with a man?”

I nodded, there was no point in lying, she saw my reaction to the sex scene.

“Here’s the thing. I suspect that with him it was a genuine thing, you said he had no idea and it was her who thought of you as a ‘gift’. Well, if she’s saying that there’s some interest in you, and let’s face it, there are many issues seeing with how you look and men being interested in you. But is it something you really want to do?”

I took a drink of wine - which I quite like now a lot more than beer - and said, “No, but what choice do I have?”

We sat there in silence for a minute, and she said, “If you do this, and I personally hope you don’t, but if you do then maybe you will help protect some poor young girl from being exploited by being a, well, a legal age proxy.”

I sat there and thought for a moment and I couldn't even imagine some girl the age of Evie being used in the same way I was, the way I am being offered once again and I can’t help but think it was better me than any other girl. I picked up my phone and sent a text to FHA saying she could pass on my number.

I took a drink of wine and looked at Penny and said, “So, I’m a whore.”

She smiled and said, “Honey, you could never be a whore. You’re a high class escort and a bloody well paid one at that!”

And that’s what I became. I would get the train to the London for a couple of days and get very well paid for basically laying there and thinking of the next day. I did take pride in my work, so to speak, each man had a good time and I operated on a referral system and not all of them wanted to just have sex. I learnt that my young looks gave me an advantage in that I could very easily spot the men who were a little too obsessed with the fact I looked young, and I tended to only see them once. They also tended to be the more ugly ones, not always but mostly and I was just their fantasy shag.

But yeah, some of them really creeped me out and the things they said to me, and wanted me to say to them. But like I said, at least I had the mental maturity if not physical to deal with it, and I also kept a record of all those men just in case evidence was ever needed.

Some men wanted me to be more sophisticated and hold a conversation where I learned more from them than I think they got from me, but it seemed that I made them happy and I made sure that each of them had several happy endings so to speak.

There was one man who wanted to take me to Disneyland Paris for a couple of days, and I was surprised when he booked two rooms, one for him and one for me. When I asked what he wanted he admitted that he had a very ugly divorce and lost custody of his daughter and he hasn’t seen her in two years and just misses her. He wanted me to be what he’s been missing and thankfully didn’t want me to call him daddy (I absolutely hate it when clients want that), and basically it was a holiday with someone his daughters age. I really, really enjoyed it, acting my physical age for the 72 hours I was with him, going on the rides, doing all the silly stuff and just having a great time. He paid me £10k and I almost gave it back to him as he had a tear in his eye when we parted at the airport.

He even gave me a £500 cash tip, but I gave him a massive hug and told him to keep trying to reach out to his daughter as if he is missing her, then she is missing him,

And so life continued for me, usually having at least one client a week, sometimes two, sometimes none. They were always referred to me and always very rich men paying thousands to be with me. When they spoke to each other about me they called me babyface, which I hated but it also set me apart from the others in my line of work. On the plus side my mortgage was fully paid off and and my nest egg was building up nicely thanks to charging £2k minimum a night.

The next job I was offered required a bit of negotiation as it was going to be in the states and over a few days. My hope was that it would be the last job like this I would have to do as we went into the summer and if I could get paid £30k for it, plus expenses, then I would have enough money to survive reasonably well for five years.

I reached out to Lou and told her I was going to be not that far away from her and built visiting her into my expenses and that LA would be my base staying there before and after I worked. I really didn’t want to have to explain to her what I was doing before I went to work. The flight out was ok, and once I settled into my hotel and slept of the jet lag a car came and picked me up for the drive out of the city for a few hours to a vineyard. I was met by one of the staff and shown to a room and told that my costume for the party this evening was on the bed.

I wasn’t going to be working alone tonight, a first for me, but I was once again referred to someone and here I was for two nights, the first one of them being a party where me and some other girls would be in costume and well, basically open for use by the 30 guests. Talking to one of the other girls I was told this happens here once a year and she had been here before, and she helped me with my make up and hair as I slipped into my nurses costume and she put on on a wonder woman.

The costume came with instructions to only wear what was provided so I walked out with Wonder Woman and both of us weren’t wearing any underwear and we started greeting guests with the other eight girls. I had guessed what tonight would be like, but getting groped and kissed by each of them as they arrived was still a minor shock.

Sitting on a mans lap and stroking his dick while he fingered me - and I need to thank Wonder Woman when I get a chance for the tip about getting pre lubed - and we welcomed the host for the evening. Us girls had to line up on ours knees as he went along the line and stuck himself in our mouths. Thank god I had already learnt how to deep throat as he went as deep as he could go in each of out mouths. And when I say learnt what I really mean of course is someone wanted to teach me how to do it on him a couple of months ago.

I won’t say the sex was good, in fact it was quite boring as the men were mostly drunk and stoned, but that’s what we were there for, to look pretty and be used by these men. So most of the time my skirt was flipped up and I was being fucked by one barely stiff dick or had one in my mouth until the men passed out sometime in the early morning. Some of the girls had joined in with the drink and drugs, but a couple like me hadn’t and we slipped off to our rooms and went to bed, pleased I wasn’t going to be passed around anymore this evening, or as three of the men wanted several times, to make me ‘air tight.’

It was a tough few hours.

I woke up about midday and my first thought is that I wasn’t alone and I started to sit up. The man in bed with me said, “Good morning. I hope you don’t mind I joined you here. Everyone else should be gone by now and it’s just us.”

Turns out I was in bed with the host and I didn’t recognise him now he was naked and not in black tie. He booked me for an extra two days as he had heard good things and wanted to, well, enjoy me. And that’s not what he paid for, he paid for the party so I renegotiated a price for the next two days and once the money was transferred he climbed back into bed and for the first time this trip I enjoyed the sex.

We went for a walk around the vineyards in the afternoon and it was the first time I have ever had sex outdoors and I was really enjoying myself, almost getting lost in the fantasy of the whole thing and finding it quite romantic.

But he spoiled it that evening when I was shown to his sex dungeon and while I agreed to the everything, I mean, I had sold my body for it, but I hated every second of it and had to force myself not to use the safe word. The low point was when he strapped my head to a fucking machine and used it to control me sucking his dick, the depth, the speed and everything, at least stopping every 30 seconds so I could breathe, but it was awful. At least he ran me a bath and cleaned me gently afterwards, but of course as he was paying for my time and I had some professional pride (ok, it was my working class work ethic in that I was being paid to do a job so I should do it well).

In the morning, he had one last fuck from me before the car took me back to my hotel and I sat in the shower for an hour trying to get clean. I was never going to have to do that again and I wanted to get all of the stench of it off my body. Once I had done that I sent a text to Lou, called an Uber and checked out of the hotel not caring that I could have stayed there for two more days, I just needed to finally be away from all of it while I now work out what I need to do to have a proper future ahead of me.

Lou showed me to the guest room, introduced me to her husband Tom (who is really good looking btw), and I met her young daughter. Once she had gone to bed and Tom was fast asleep before getting up to go work the next day as a professor (looks and brains!), we sat down to chat and I told her everything and why I was here.

I cried and cried and cried for hours. Big ugly snot crying, She held me all the time I was covering her in my tears and snot bubbles, not complaining once. I woke up and had no idea how I got to bed, but Lou told me she woke up Tom to carry me there and I looked at her and said, “No wonder he gave you lady boners!”

She laughed and said, “Gives me them, I always have a lady boner around him”.

Once I was cleaned up and her daughter was off to day care, we started to talk again and I told her more, about how I felt I had no choice to become an escort as I needed the money and couldn't get a job, but at least that’s behind me now. “I have enough to survive for a few years, six, maybe even seven if I’m careful with it while this body grows up and I can go back to driving.”

She sat there sipping her coffee and said, “Why do you want to go back to driving?”

“It’s all I can do, I barely have any qualifications so can’t get taken seriously for anything else as I have no experience.”

She said, “Why didn’t you go back to school?”

I pointed out I don’t have the qualifications to do what she did and go to university.

“No, I mean, why didn’t you go to school? I did, but for me it was because I was lonely and needed to be around people. You have Penny and Evie, what you need is a new start and going to school could be what you need.”

I said, “But how can I do that, I’m 33 years old now.”

She picked up her phone and started typing an email, and said, “I’m telling Annette and Rose that you need to go to school and to get some new qualifications. You’re a 13 year old girl and need to get used to. How old is Evie?”

“She’s 13 now.”

Lou smiled at me and said, “Perfect.”

I guess I might be going to school and I’m not sure how I feel about that, I mean, I hated it last time, will it be the same now, voicing this to Lou. She said, “I hated school first time round as well, but the second time was a lot better. And before you mention that you’ve had a lot of sex, I think I had as much as you did, not to mention I was already sleeping with one of the teachers and carried on while I was there.”

My mouth dropped open as I looked at her and she said, “Oh, don’t worry, I married him.”

It was the start on a new term and I was walking to school with Evie.

So I should really catch you up on the last two months since I got back from LA and taking a lot more advice from Lou, actually listening to her this time and learning from she did and how I can move forward as this new me. The Skype calls started in LA, and by the time I got back home it had continued but this time with Penny involved. It seemed that everyone agreed that Evie would be a good influence on me (only Lou and Penny knew what I had been doing), and a meeting with the principal was arranged for me, Rose and Penny. I talked it over in detail with Penny before we went and the agreement was I should try to look my physical age, so that was how I dressed.

Sitting there in his office I felt quite small, but he agreed with attending the school on the basis that no other teachers are to know about me, I would just be another girl at the school. He asked Penny to email him as he knew her from her job as a social worker with the details needed to fill in my records that will explain where I had been and how I would fit in. Whatever classes Evie was doing I would, and he hoped it would help me going forward. Rose was surprised at how easy it all happened as she said Annette fought for a while to get Lou in school. I found out later that the principal did his teacher training with Tom, Lou’s husband and he helped ease the way in for me. I felt a bit sorry for Rose as she must have felt a bit useless.

Once all the rather official stuff was done with, or once the adults stopped talking, he turned to me and said, “Well Nicky, I hope you will have a good time here. You seem to be a perfectly pleasant young woman and I think you will fit in to this school.”

I said, “Thank you sir. This has been hard on me.”

He smiled kind eyes and said, “I’m sure it must have been. I understand you didn’t do particularly well at school last time, let us hope that this time is much better for you.”

And he reached out and shook my hand. I can’t remember the last time a man was kind to me without intending to get inside me, and it was nice. I was also scared, maybe I was still trying hard to move away not just from my life as a lorry driver, but also my life as an escort, but I will get there. Penny wanted me to talk to Rose my therapist about it, but I was too afraid of her judging me. I know I should, but it’s not easy to tell people, even those that you trust that you had to sell your body just to survive.

Penny took me and Evie shopping for a new school uniform, a truly weird experience as I always hated having to do that in the past and even though we would be basically wearing the same thing we somehow tried on the same clothes in different shops till we found what we liked. Other than that I was just trying to act more like a girl my physical age, and I had chosen to be the same age as Evie, making me officially two months younger than her. As far as the world is concerned we are both 13 and turning 14 once the school year starts. We were going to have a joint birthday party and I was trying to pretend I wasn't excited about it, but I was.

How often do you get to relive a childhood party from the perspective of a child?

My last few birthdays passed while I was out on the road, and well, I was working that other job for my last birthday. I can honestly say I never expected to be having my 33rd birthday while working as an female escort with two clients at once! This one will be much nicer, and hopefully along with Evie I will get some new school friends. I can’t follow her around all the time, I don’t want to get on her nerves.

As for the school admin stuff, I would remain living at my home and Penny would be my official guardian with her address on my record, but for anyone who visited from school my parents would be ‘out’. Evie helped me redecorate my bedroom to make it more age appropriate, and when Penny saw it she rolled her eyes and told Evie to try and dial it back a bit. Basically she did for me what she wasn’t allowed to do at home, so my walls were pink (which I don’t mind as I quite like the colour now), my bed had drapes and those fairy lights, and while I was fine about having a Taylor tour poster up, she picked the teen stars that she fancied for me and completely overdid it. Penny helped me adjust the room when Evie was out, but it still looked like a typical girls bedroom, and I finally got rid of my old clothes.

Of course Evie quite enjoyed helping me fill out my wardrobe and reminding me that I can’t keep wearing the same thing now and showed me the best shops and the ones that often have good stuff on sale. She even taught me how to pretend something was on sale to her mum. I was sworn to secrecy over that.

The week before school started I met a couple of her girl friends and we hung out in the shopping centre where I shared the fake story of my parents moving to the area and how they know Penny from growing up. It was easier to stick to the near truth, but they seemed to accept me and we arranged to go to the cinema together. If you’ve ever seen a group of teen girls hanging out together and talking non stop, that was us, although it took me a while to get used to behaving this way. It helped that I never talked about my parents and Evie told me they asked her if I don’t get on with them, so that became part of my background story.

I won’t say it’s easy to adjust, as it’s not. Not just from being a man to a teen girl, but also adjusting to no longer being a sex worker. It was funny when they talked about sex and how only one of them has done it so far, so I said I was a virgin and wondered what Evie would say, but she said nothing. I thought at the time she just didn’t want to say it in front of me, but that wasn't it at all. Her friends already knew and she assumed I did as well.

She wasn’t a virgin, and we talked about it later and of course I was sworn to secrecy again, but I also thought it was funny as Penny had told me that she keeps a drawer in the bathroom stocked with condoms. I was now in a bit of a quandary as I knew both sides of what the other was doing, but both wanted it to be a secret. I decided that when the time was right for me I would announce to both that I needed some condoms, and hopefully mother and daughter will be open and honest about it. I was becoming much closer to Evie and I really liked that, but my friendship with Penny remained just as strong and like it always had been, but only when Evie wasn’t around.

The first couple of weeks at school were, well, weird. It was very different to when I was last at school and I found myself really enjoying it. English, maths, physics, which really surprised me that Evie was doing it and I seemed to be better at it than I thought. PE of course was new to me, and I was desperately trying to learn the rules to sports I had never played, but I still liked running and found I was trying to impress the teacher when we did. I wasn’t the fastest, but eventually I ended up on the school cross country running team. Like I said, I wasn’t the fastest but I did enjoy competing.

After we came back from half term break, I noticed something from one of the teachers that I really didn’t like at all. He was looking at Evie in a way that while it wasn’t completely inappropriate, I saw a look in his eye that he hid very quickly. It was my experience as an escort that made it easier for me to spot and it really unsettled my stomach as she looked up to him as a teacher. I wanted her to be safe so I did something to get his attention, which looking back was a really dumb thing to do.

When I stood up at the end of the lesson I asked him a question so he was looking at me and I made sure that as I stood up my bag lifted the front of my skirt. I wasn’t flashing him, I had safety shorts on under my skirt, but I had pulled them up before I stood so I suspect that he saw some camel toe. He definitely looked down there, and looked for longer than he should have as a teacher, but I took the attention away from Evie and that is what I cared about more than anything.

No one hurts my BFF!

The rest of the day carried on, but we had the same teacher for our last lesson, so as we went from one class to another I ducked into the toilet and took off my safety shorts and hoped no one would notice. In this class we were actually sitting at the front and I waited till he was talking and looking my way when I lifted one foot up onto my seat, letting him see I wasn't wearing the shorts anymore.

He saw and his voice stumbled for a second as I looked up at him from under my hair with a shy smile. Seriously, I learnt a lot in my last job! Anyway, I let that carry on for a bit then I dropped one hand down and just gently stroked myself so he could see. Yes, I was teasing him quite a bit but I had a theory that he wouldn't call me out for it due to the risk to his job. So I upped the stakes and as I turned to talk to one of the girls at our table, I hooked my fingers into the gusset (horrible word), and pulled them to the side exposing myself to him.

I never expected to be doing this at school, but I would rather risk anything happening to me to protect Evie or any other girl herel. That’s why I gently pulled my pussy open to let him get as good a look as possible.

Of course, me trying to be a white knight meant I lost complete track of time and the lesson was over and I walked out with my underwear pulled to the side and all the way home without a chance to fix it. Thank god it wasn’t a windy day. I saw him around school over the rest of the week and I always smiled at him and I saw him looking at me several times. So while I may have woken up a monster in the worst possible way, at least when I go to the principal to raise this issue I will hopefully have the right type of evidence.

So I needed to keep him, well, interested in me and the following week I once again went without the safety shorts for the first lesson with him and once again flashed him. In the afternoon my plan was to up the game and then be, well good for a bit in the hope he would hint to me that he wanted to see more again and I can pretend that what happened before was an accidental flash.

Yes, I know it sounds stupid, but I doubted anyone would believe me opening up my pussy for him to have a good look during a lesson.

So this time right before the class I went to the toilets and removed my underwear, taking something out of my bag to make sure I was really going to get his attention and headed to class. I arrived late on purpose, there was no way I was going to risk walking though a crowd of kids in a short short and no underwear, but I dropped my bag and myself onto the chair with a clunk.

He kept looking at me and I knew what he was hoping to see, so once again I put my foot on the chair and he saw the lot right from the start. He was talking when he saw but this time his voice never broke and he barely seemed to acknowledge it, but he looked back several times. Maybe the but plug was a stupid idea, but I knew him seeing that as well would really get his attention and hold it. So the lesson continued and he stayed seated behind his desk and not getting up, so clearly I was having an effect on him.

When we were working on an assignment, I asked him a question in the hope he would have to stand up, but in stead he said, “That’s interesting. So we don’t distract your group, come up here and we can go over it.”

Bugger.

I stood up and walked to his desk, and he moved back and pointed to a course book so that I would need to stand next to him. Yes, I could see he had an erection, but of course now I’m a lot closer to him and he knows exactly what is under my skirt maybe it wasn’t a surprise. He leant forward to look at the book and started pointed at things and talking to me about them, and I stupidly leant forward as well. Not a huge amount, but enough and I felt his other hand on my leg. Maybe it’s my previous line of work but I learnt not to flinch when a client touches you, so I just stood there as his hand went up my leg to my thigh hidden from the class by his desk and my skirt.

Bending over of course made the front of my skirt hang lower with the back higher and his hand never stopped as it worked its way up my leg and I felt his fingers on me, playing with me and annoyingly making me wet. He was really good at what he was doing, and actually doing a good job answering my questions as his thumb pushed on the plug and two of his fingers went into me.

I turned my head to look at him as my eyes went a bit wide and I smiled at him and he asked, “Are you getting it now?”

There was no missing the double meaning, as I said, “Yes, I am getting it. You’re really good at this.”

And that’s the truth, he was really good at it and fingering me in the classroom in front of everyone had massively changed my plans. I was hoping to entrap him with a suggestive comment I could take to the principal that would warn him off. Instead I’m practically dripping all over his fingers and now just as guilty as he is and I promised Penny and Lou not to mess this up.

So I went back my desk when he removed his fingers and I sat there for the rest of the lesson a bit better behaved and keeping myself covered. When the lesson was over and the school day finished he said, “Nicky, can you hang on a moment please. We can go over your questions again.”

So I slowly packed my bag and told Evie I would see her tomorrow and I sat there while everyone else left the class and it was just me and him. None of the girls raised an eyebrow at me being asked to wait so no one thought anything was wrong, but I sat there and as the last one left the door swung shut on the fire safety hinges and it was just me and him. He stood up and walked to the end of the classroom and called me to him.

I should have been nervous, but I wasn’t.

In my mind he was just a client and I needed to do what needed to be done. I had never noticed the door at the bottom of the class to a small storeroom, but he opened the door and walked in, waiting for me.

Twenty minutes later I was walking to the bus stop having put my underwear back on and wondering if I had over stepped the mark, but he said to me while I sat on a cabinet and he was fucking me slowly, “I’ve always wanted to do this.”

Once home I jumped in the shower as I needed to get myself clean and ready for Evie coming round to do our homework, and sitting there with her as we went over some physics problems, she said to me, “You know, I never thought you were as clever as you are.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, mum always seemed to be the clever one. She did say you could have done better at school last time, but you really seem to get this stuff.”

I had never told her about the problems I faced when growing up and shared it with her now, and she had tears in her eyes as she hugged me. She really is a good kid and I resolved myself to keep doing what ever I needed to do to protect her. It’s just annoying that while he isn’t someone I would have picked to have sex with, he was really good at it and, well, I am missing it. He’s in his fifties, maybe late forties and has a dad bod as Evie would call it. Funnily enough he’s my biology and general science teacher.

The next day at school I managed to corner him for a chat and I said, “Ground rules. Never again here, that was stupid of us. Text me and we will arrange another time and place.”

He agreed and the rest of the week carried on as normal with nothing else of interest to report, beyond me going to his on Sunday morning at 9am. I was back home by two and there was no conversation beyond what we would do while here. The fact he thought I was almost 14 never came up, it was just sex, and he didn’t even ask me until the third week of us hooking up if I was on birth control.

Maybe he’s not a very good biology teacher.

Evie’s birthday party was being held on Saturday, but on her actual birthday the three of us, Penny, Evie and me went out for a meal, dressed up for a mini girls night out on a school night. It was a lot of fun, Evie now being 14 was allowed a small glass of wine, her first official alcohol, and I had one as well. But the party itself on the Saturday was being held in her house with Penny agreeing to stay in her bedroom until 10pm, with the party officially stopping at 11. Kids from school came along, we had music and of course a couple of people snuck in some drink, but it was great fun.

I danced with a couple of boys, and one of them I danced with quite a few times. He was almost 16, and Evie found me kissing him and hopefully saw me trying to keep his hands in respectable places, but yes, he did cop a feel a few times. Feeling his erection pressed against me was well, exciting. I quite enjoyed the fact that I had made him that excited, and Steve wasn’t that bad to talk to either. Evie did kiss a boy as well, Steve’s younger brother which in itself was funny talking about how that happened. Of course, I was enjoying kissing Steve quite a bit and I think he suggested it first, but we went out in to the garden.

Which is how Penny and Evie found me at ten past ten kissing him and being fingered in her garden. Penny insisted he leave but I pointed out that I was part of this and we both sat down to talk about it. I said, “Look, I’m not even 14 yet, that’s a month away and while I like what we’ve done, we can’t do more just yet. Is that ok?”

He told me it was and he kissed me. I didn’t believe a word he said and knew he would try it on, but I was ok with that, so long as I never let things gets too far.

The following Friday I went on a double date with Evie and the two brothers to a travelling fairground.

I like him.

I kept seeing Steve for the rest of the year and even though he thought I was younger than him he never pressured me into anything more than kissing, which really did surprise me. Ok, we had already done some hand stuff so that was still allowed, but nothing more and just being a girl with him was what I needed. I knew I should probably tell him about me, but while I liked him I didn’t like, like him. Besides, he’s already talking about turning 17 and getting his driving license and I know when that happens he is likely to dump me, so I just want to enjoy this while I can.

Christmas came and went, I was telling people I am now 14, and every Sunday I’m at my biology teacher’s house getting fucked by him, which is where I am right now laying there as he humps away as his orgasm builds.

I was still enjoying the sex, he hadn’t suddenly got worse but I was worried about this going on and on till I left school and he turned his attention to another girl while I was still no closer to coming up with a plan to stop him. After he came in me he lay there playing with my nipples and told me I would need to be a bit earlier as he had some plans for later in the day next week, and I told him it was ok, ‘we could miss it if you liked.’

He kissed my nipple and said, “No, I would still like to see you.”

So the next week I got there thirty minutes early and the moment I stepped in the door he was kissing me and trying to take my clothes off. I said, “Hey, what’s the rush?”

“Trust me, this will be worth it.”

So as I walked into his house my clothes were being discarded like breadcrumbs till we arrived in his living room where hanging from the ceiling was a sex swing. By now I was just in my heels and I turned to him and said, “Is this the rush?”

He lifted me up and put me in it, but I asked him not to do the cuffs up tightly as I didn’t want to be tied up (that last job in the vineyard did upset me), and I was swinging there slowly. He of course stood still with his dick out and swung me around to either put it in my mouth or pussy when the door bell went. I went stiff, which he probably liked as his dick was in me, but he pulled out and put it away and said, “Don’t worry.”

He closed the living room door when he went to answer it, and shortly walked back in with two other men. I was slowly rotating so didn’t get to see them until I was looking at them between my legs as I hung there. It was one of the PE teachers and the English Lit teacher. The biology teacher said, “Told you she’s up for it.”

So the reason he wanted me here early was so that I would be ready for two other teachers to use me like he is. I did not feel happy but stuck in the swing I had little choice and, well, like I said, it is enjoyable. Sometimes I found myself thinking of Steve when I was with them, other times it was some other sixth formers I quite liked the look of, sometimes even the teachers who were inside me, but when I was released from the swing I was happy to ride them and be used by them. Even when one of them said they had ‘always wanted to be a pumpkin pounder’, I was only slightly annoyed.

After I had showered the four of us sat down to talk and it was funny listening to them as they said that now we could all get in trouble and they were trying to make it sound like they hadn’t taken advantage of me and that I was also at fault. The three of them were like a group of frat boys in a bad American film, and they were so easy to see through. I felt upset at how they thought they could manipulate me into doing this again, which is ironic as I was planning to keep doing it with them while I worked out what I wanted to make sure they stop, so I slowly got dressed, kissed each of them in turn and walked out.

Now I need a plan and no idea how to make one. I need an idea.

The next week at school was a mixture of normal and very not normal. I felt like every male teacher knew about me, hardly knowing who to trust but also trying to keep up with everything else I needed to do like schoolwork. The following Sunday the plan came to me, or I should say the plan was someone I bumped into. After the sex with the three of them and being passed around as they ran a train through me, I showered and left them as they were spread out with big smiles in the living room. It was funny really, they had all been through me several times and they were acting like conquering heroes for basically exploiting a student.

When I walked out the door and stepped into the street I literally bumped into my physics teacher. Seriously, I bumped into him. He saw me and his eyes went wide when he realised where I had just come from and started to say, “Nicky, are you..”

I stopped him with a hush and pulled him away from the house as I didn’t want anyone inside to hear this conversation as I said, “Before you say anything, why are you here?”

“I live down there and was getting some milk.”

I was relieved as I quite like him, he’s really good at his job and I love doing physics and I’m hoping to do a GCSE in it. I would have hated it if he had been invited along to the Sunday me party. I said, “Can we talk?”

We went back the way he came and he went into the supermarket to get a couple of coffees and we sat on a bench outside as he said it would be inappropriate to be seen inside together. I couldn't help but laugh at that, as I said, “Well, I think I have a lot to tell you.”

I took a breath and he said, “I already know.”

“You do?”

“Yes, your first day at school, I had been to the dentist that morning and I was reading a very old copy of a magazine and then when you walked in my class I recognised you immediately.”

Well that took my breath away. “You did?”

And then he told me how at first he just thought it was a coincidence, but then he noticed that some of the details in my records were the same as what was in the article, and he asked the principal who said it was true.

“Oh. Have you told anyone?”

“No one else knows.”

We sat there sipping our coffee and said, “Thank you, but that isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about. Although I guess it might make some things easier to explain.”

And I told him what I spotted with a teacher, and how I tried to deflect that attention onto me, how it went so badly I ended up having sex with them and now it’s not just him but two other teachers. He wanted to know who else, but I said I need to know how to handle this as ‘why they haven't technically broken any laws, they have broken the spirit of it for sure.’

We sat there in silence, neither sure what to say. After a few minutes he said, “I really am sorry you felt that you needed to do that. I wish you had come to me.”

“I thought I could deal with it myself.”

He smiled and said, “Not even teachers knows how to handle this. I mean, we are trained for it, but none of us ever expect to have to deal with it. What would you have done in the past?”

“Beaten the living shit out of him.”

He laughed, and said, “Yeah, that’s kind of what I want to do myself.”

The next day at school I was called to the principal’s office and while the rest of my class was surprised and wondered if I was in trouble, at least I knew what it was about and that I would be given a detention as part of the cover for the meeting and even Penny would be sent a note about me giving some lip to a teacher. In the office I told the principal everything with my physics teacher sitting next to me, and together we came up with a plan for next Sunday. It was my plan, as neither would have accepted it without my suggestion, but it seemed the most obvious way out of this mess I got myself into to.

So next Sunday at the end of the session with the three teachers, I asked each of them to cum on my face as I knelt there fully clothed and ready to go home, telling them, “I want to feel like a slut walking out here with your cum on me.”

Men are so easy to manipulate.

And that’s what they did, all three of them over my face and some on my clothes and while they rested I got up to leave. I sent a quick text while I picked up my bag and took a little bit of time, this had to work out as planned. I walked to the door as they all lay back on chairs and the sofa, naked, sweaty and the room smelling like sex and as I opened the front door there was the principal who said quite loudly, “Hello Nicky, what are you doing here?”

I rushed past him as he silently said ‘hope you’re ok’, and I kept going around the corner to my physics teacher so I could clean up as the principal walked into my biology teacher’s house. Once with my physics teacher he was a bit shocked when he saw me but waited patiently while I cleaned up and got changed into the clothes I had dropped off and we sat down as he made me a cup to tea.

He said, “I still can’t believe you went through with that. It can’t have been easy.”

I wasn’t going to say I quite enjoyed some of the sex but did say I hated doing it and this way it meant they knew what I looked like when I left and they would have been caught literally with their pants down. Now there is a reasonable cause without any actual evidence or statements from me which would just raise more questions and give them a chance to get away with it.

He said, “Still, it’s not an easy thing for anyone to have to do.”

I sat there quietly sipping my tea and sneaked looks at him. He was quite nice, maybe late twenties or early thirties but I wondered how easy his life was like growing up, asking him all about it. Turns out while he didn't have an easy life with a silver spoon in his mouth like I thought, but it wasn't a hard one. I sat there quietly after he stopped talking and weighed up some options.

“You can’t tell anyone this, but actually they aren’t the worst men I’ve met since I became a woman. How do you think I have managed to keep a roof over my head since this happened? I can’t do my old job and I have no qualifications for any other, let alone looking like this.”

He looked at me and must have seen it in my eyes and said, “I’m sorry. I really am, I am sorry that no only did you have to do stuff like that, but that your experience as a woman is being clouded by men who think of you that way.”

I didn't know what to say to him, so I just smiled a thank you and carried on sipping my tea as we sat there in silence.

About two hours later there was a knock on the door and my physics teacher got up to answer it and the principal came in. As far as the other three were concerned he was reaching out to my guardians to discuss what he saw, namely me covered in cum leaving the house, and them trying to get dressed as he walked in. Officially I won’t be making a complaint and my guardians aren’t going to go against my wishes but I did say that there were some inappropriate looks from each of them, a couple of unusual and suggestive comments. But with what he saw it’s enough for them to resign at the end of the year in a couple of months. Until then they will always be supervised when around students and never to be alone with students again.

That alone on their records will make it hard for them to ever get a teaching job again, and it gives the school time to recruit new teachers. In the meantime it was suggested I take two days off school. I said, “Wait, you can’t do that to me! What about my classes?”

I looked at them both and started to laugh, adding, “I can’t believe I am actually upset about missing school.”

I ended up taking the week off and had a lot of lessons, reading and homework delivered to me by Evie, with Penny not understanding why I didn’t want to explain my absence as she knew full well I wasn't ill. But when I got back in and went to those particular classes the teachers completely ignored me, and the temporary teaching assistants were really helpful, even if they didn't understand why they were there.

I kept going on dates with Steve, never once inviting him in as I would only need to explain the lack of an adult, which is much easier to explain to a group of girls in your living room. With a horny boy who you’re kissing and doing hand stuff with, well, no adult supervision is almost an invitation. But I was good, I was finally enjoying being a girl and enjoying school, all parts of school including the bits I used to hate, but the friendships I was building was really good. Hell, I even had a boyfriend.

I had to admit, life was actually good right now as we rapidly head towards the summer break. Next year the pressure really begins as I need to focus on my GCSEs, and I’m thinking of doing nine it total, maybe even ten if the teachers think I can do it, but I’m not sure if PE is really worth doing an exam in.

The school year ended and we broke up for the summer and there’s not a huge lot more to say about it really. Now the stuff with those teachers is over and done with I settled into, well, normality as a teen girl. I won’t say I forgot my past, that’s not so easy to do, but I felt more normal than I have in a long time. One funny happened while on my way into school during the last week in that I bumped into my ex wife.

I had stopped in a shop to buy some lunch and she was in there as well, just by chance. I stopped dead when I saw her, and she looked at me with a smile and leant her head to one side trying to work out if she knew me. My eyes were wide open as I saw the recognition flash in her eyes and a big smile came over her face. I tried to pretend that everything was normal and control my heart rate, but she left the store before I got near the till, so as I got back under control I picked up a sandwich and a meal deal and walked out the shop.

She was waiting for me outside.

“Hello, it’s Nicky isn’t it?”

I nodded and felt very scared. Other kids from my school were milling about and walking past, but she smiled and said, “You look adorable by the way.”

I was blushing, I mean, my ex wife has literally caught me dressed as a school girl.

“Listen, I don’t want to hold you up, you obviously have a place to be, but I’m working in the area today, can I pop round later.”

I said, “Um, sure, I guess. Do you still have my address?”

She said yes and that’s it was good to see that I was ok, adding, “I know it sounds weird to say, but you really do look adorable.”

“Oh shut up!”

And I started to giggle and she gave me a hug and said, “Well, I guess I will see you after school.”

And of she went and I headed on to school. It was good to see her, but I was surprised she wanted to pop round later as we hadn’t been in contact for a while now, so the rest of the day was a bit of a blur beyond the teachers reminding us to try and keep up on our reading as next year is when things get tougher for us as we head towards our exams. My physics teacher spoke to me as the class packed up and said he hopes I keep this class next year, and I thanked him saying, “I really like this lesson, I just hope I’m good enough to do it as this level.”

He assured me I was and I went home in a very happy mood ready to meet the ex.

Well, she really was working in the area, and had some news for me and if she hadn’t seen me would have sent a text in a few weeks. She’s getting married in six weeks and I told her how pleased I was for her. She said, “I’ll be honest I never expected to see you again after you changed, but seeing you this morning was just a wonderful surprise. I’ve been thinking about this all day and seeing you here now I am certain, but would you like to be one of my bridesmaids?”

I was stunned, and maybe a little insulted, I mean, I am a ma…. Ok, I’m not a man anymore, but even though we broke up on good terms, going to her wedding in a supporting role is a big deal. She never begged, she just asked me to think it over and let her know by the end of the week so I could get fitted for my dress, and I said I would need to talk it over with Penny.

Well, the ex invited Penny and Evie to come along as well, so after she left I went round to see them. Penny was more worried about me being ok with it, but Evie was excited for me saying how much she loved being the bridesmaid at my wedding, which in itself is a bit of a mindfuck. Anyway, I thought about it all week and on Friday walking home from school I sent a text saying I would do it.

The next day she picked me up and I had a fitting, which I actually really enjoyed and pleased that the dress had a classic look rather than something more hideous like she told me over the phone. Penny and Evie were coming to the wedding and the evening reception, while only I would go to the meal part with all the speeches, pleased I wouldn't need to say anything.

Steve was going to come along for the evening do and when I told the ex that my boyfriend was coming along her eyes went wide and we had quite a funny chat about the hand stuff we were doing and she asked me when I was going to go all the way.

“Just to remind you, he thinks I’m 14 so it’s quite easy to say I’m not ready.”

She looked at me and said, “But you’re not a virgin, that’s quite obvious from the way you look at men.”

I didn’t tell her everything, after all, telling your ex wife that you were once an escort is a lot harder than being her bridesmaid, but I did use what happened as the basis for what I shared. Of course, this meant she shared with me about her first time, and also her first time with her fiancé and I tried not to think about how he might have compared to the old me. Like I said, it’s a bit of a mindfuck.

The wedding day itself was wonderful, and I was really glad I agreed to do it, and her new husband was told that I was the daughter of an old friend, with Penny to all intents and purposes my parent.

In the evening while walking in the park with Steve while the reception was going full strength we kissed, and one thing led to another and I was gathering up my dress to keep it out of the grass when I knelt down to give him a blow job.

I was doing this because I wanted to give my boyfriend something as a thank you while I kept denying him full sex. I wanted him to know that I liked him and I wanted more with him, but I really did need to wait. He seemed happy enough as he came in my mouth and I swallowed, giving him a little treat at that point by letting him push himself into my throat as I held him there.

So blowjobs became a part of my life and each time we were together I would often end up with with his cock in my mouth and I didn’t mind. Yes, he still wanted to have sex with me, but at least now he was getting more than just my hand and seemed to be satisfied.

Penny said to me, “You know you have something on your chin?”

What was a mistake at the wedding was not checking my face when we went back into the reception as yes, there was a drop of his cum on my chin and Penny was the one who told me. Shame at that point I had been holding his hand while talking to my ex and then Evie who both clearly saw it.

I of course touched it and felt it, looked at it on my fingers and for some weird reason thought for a moment it was food and tasted it. My eyes then went as wide as Penny’s, but seeing Evie’s face was when I realised what they all saw me do as I blushed.

I repaired my make up with Evie in the ladies, and I could see was desperate to ask me about it but knew it would wait. The next morning she came round and had a long list of questions you already know the answer to, so no need to go though them all here, but the short version is that yes I swallow and I like it, no we haven’t had sex yet and she wanted a full description of his cock and balls.

I had no idea I had payed such close attention to that part of his body, but yes I could describe it in detail.

Evie said, “I am surprised you haven't had sex with him yet, I mean I had sex ages ago and it’s no big deal.”

I had a lot of questions for her now, but it seems she’s had sex three times with an ex, and the first time it really hurt and I wanted tell her my experience but I had agreed to hold that back for a while. It seems her first time was a bit like mine, apart from him also being inexperienced and didn't last very long. At least unlike me each time she used a condom and I only have very limited experience of that, but at least of my old clients had been tested and screened.

Anyway, that was the summer for me. Giving a lot of blow jobs and only getting head in returns a couple of times. I would only let him go down on my once he had already cum to stop him from trying to slip it in me when he was horny.

Back to school advertisements started appearing and it was time to go shopping for my school uniform, this time without Penny needing to help me, and of course once we got back there were a couple of new teachers who were much nicer that the old ones. Not just that they didn’t expect me to climb into bed with them at the same time, but the whole vibe of the school seemed to change.

I found myself really concentrating on my lessons wanting to do as well as I could, and like everyone else in school we were thinking of the future and making sure we got what we need to do the A levels we wanted. My physic’s teacher became, well, a bit of a mentor to me, giving me some extra reading to help me and some extra tasks and assignments to help me catch up with the others. One day in his class I broke down and started to cry and the girls were all around me at once but I ran to the toilets and locked myself in as the tears came running and I looked like a panda.

I refused to come out and Evie was allowed to sit there and wait for me, making me feel even worse for her missing classes as well, but finally I came out and went and sat in the nurses area for a while as I calmed down. My physics teacher came along to check on me and I found myself fighting to keep control and I said, “Am I really that stupid?”

“What? No. Wait, is that what you think?”

I nodded and said, “That’s why you keep giving me things to read so I can catch up with everyone else as I’m struggling.”

It’s what happened when I first went to school until the teachers just pretty much gave up on me and let me do as little as I needed or wanted to do. He knelt in front of me and took my hands away from my face and told me to look at him.

I could sense Evie from the corner of my eye surprised that a male teacher was kneeling there and holding my hands as I looked up into his eyes.

He said, “I give you that as you’re my best student and I need to challenge you as you’re ahead of the rest of the class.”

It took me a moment to fully understand what he said and I slowly started to smile. I looked at Evie and she said, “Yeah, I’m the one who’s struggling and you’re helping me. I’m the thick one!”

I started to giggle and hug her and the teacher told me to relax and sent Evie back to class as he sat with me and explained more. He thought I just seemed to understand the subject really well, in fact the other teachers had said I’m very good at maths and the science subjects and everyone is trying to push me a little to make sure I do really well.

I started to cry again and he hugged me, getting a look from the nurse for doing it as I’m sure there are rules about these things, but I didn’t care and neither did he, after all he knew the truth. With the principals permission I took the rest of the day off seeing that everyone knew about my mini breakdown and I just relaxed for a bit at home before taking out my books and starting to read.

The next day I was back at school and got a surprise. Today we were being visited by the local member for parliament who just happened to be a cabinet minister in the conservative government. I had never really paid a lot of attention to politics, not even sure if I had ever voted, but a couple of the kids were very aware of who he was and were not happy when they talked about his policies.

We were in English when he walked in with his staff and the principal showing him around. I had my back to him and was trying to get my head round some poetry when he was invited to sit at our table and talk to us. I looked up and got the surprise of my life.

Sitting there was a previous client.

He hadn’t noticed me, but was sure to recognise me as he booked for an overnight each week for two months. For the life of me I couldn't remember his name, or at least the name he used with me, but while he was talking to one of my friends, I finger combed my hair and sat up straighter, trying to project myself how I did while working. He looked over at me smiling at him and did a double take, stopping mid sentence and did that politician thing where they pretend they expected this.

But I saw the sweat on his forehead as I tried to remember exactly when it was he was paying to fuck me.

I said, “Hi, I don’t really know much about politics, can you tell me what you do?”

I used my professional voice, a little huskier, a little bit of sultrier, and a smile with my eyes to say, ‘yes, you paid to fuck this schoolgirl’.

He stammered a little and talked about what he does, but of course now he was sweating quite a bit and his aides were a bit worried and offering to get him water. I wondered if any of them had booked me for him or he did it himself as I took a risk and put my foot out and stroked his leg while smiling at him and licking my lips as he looked at me.

He jumped like it was an electric shock and I looked across at the principal who was watching me closely with a slightly confused look, so I gave a very subtle nod and he got it. This tory minister had paid to use me.

There’s not a lot more to say about the rest of the year beyond taking my exams and the school year finally being over and making plans for what to do for my A levels. I went to chat to the physics teacher and ask him for some advice, saying, “I’m not sure what I want to do.”

He was too bust to talk to me, but got that I really didn’t know what to do, so made a suggestion that to any other girl at this school would have cost him his job; he invited me round that evening.

I wasn’t worried, he knew all about me and we chatted for a couple of hours and he drove me home as I did have school the next day. I think I knew what I wanted to do, but really it all depended on my results and a part of me still thinks I’m not good enough to do much more than be a lorry driver, but he had faith in me.

I hugged him.

School finished with the traditional signing of names on school shirts, silly really as most of us will see each other in sixth form, but it was fun, then it was onto the prom and I was really looking forward to it. I had picked out the dress and I tried it on so many times I was scared to do more than just stand there looking at myself in a mirror in case I ruined it, but I had picked it for Steve.

He was driving now, his mum had given him her car, a VW Polo and he had been spending money on it as his pride and joy. Normally you would go to prom in some weird or unusual vehicle in the UK, but I was going with him and I had decided that tonight was the night, packing three condoms in my clutch.

Evie was being taken by her date, a nice kid who I quite liked and was scared of Penny, a good thing really as while I knew they were having sex, Penny would be furious with how much they were having.

Steve picked me up and gave me a kiss, and we got in his spotless car for the short drive. I didn’t care that I would be going in a boring car, I just cared I was going with him. When he looked me up and down I will admit I had never felt so wanted, so desired in my life and I almost had to give him a blow job to calm him down, but I was worried about ruining my dress.

When we got to the school there was a drop off area for the weird and flash vehicles but he bypassed it heading for the carpark, and I sensed a problem. He was looking for a space but it was packed, and I spotted one, pointing it out for him. It was quite narrow and difficult to get in but not impossible. First he tried to drive into it, then he tried to reverse in and he was so worried about scratching the car he was going as slow as possible and getting nowhere leaving way too much space to turn into the tight space. He was also getting frustrated and going a bit red, but no one was watching him, no one cared.

And then I made a mistake.

Not that I realised it at the time, but I said, “Would you like me to have a go?”

He flashed a look at me and said, “Yeah right, you can’t drive.”

Now I was annoyed and said, “I’ve been driving for years and could get in here.”

He said nothing and kept trying, his pride insisting he could do it, and I said, “Oh for fucks sake, you have plenty of room and I could drive a tank in here!”

“You can’t drive!”

“Wanna bet?”

“You will fuck up my car.”

“I will buy you a new car if there is even a smudge on it.”

And I opened my door, walked round to the drivers side and stood there waiting for him to get out. Finally he did and said “You are not driving my car….Hey, what are you doing!”

I climbed into the drivers seat and put it into reverse, swinging the car straight into the slot and got out locking it as I handed him the keys. “See, it was easy.”

I felt really good about myself, it was the first time I had driven since I changed a year and a half ago, and I did it first time, and in my pink heels. I slipped my arm into his and we walked in. Yes, I could tell he was a bit annoyed, but knew that once we got in there and started dancing he would feel better. I mean, this is a silk dress and I’ve had to go without underwear as the lines show, so he will feel better when he feels me.

But we never danced.

In fact, we hardly talked in there and nothing I could do would pull him out of his bad mood. I suggested we go for a walk around the school, ready to give it up to him anywhere here if it would make him talk to me beyond grunts and single words, but nothing and I had to talk to my friends as I didn’t want to be as rude as him. I danced with them and when I went looking for him he wasn’t anywhere I could see in the hall and we’ve only been here an hour.

I went outside to see if he was maybe sneaking a cigarette somewhere, but none of the places the smokers go had him there, then I walked a couple of the hallways to see if I could find him, but nothing.

So I went to look at his car and it was gone.

He had left me.

It took me two seconds to get over it and go back to the prom.

This is a killer dress and I’m looking forward to showing it off more.

The day of the first show we would all be excused classes and do a final full rehearsal before the whole school came in to watch us, then in the evening it was another show for parents. On the Saturday we had one final evening show which is the one people are buying tickets for and the one we had to knock it out the park. We all felt ready, but more than that, I felt happy.

On Monday morning I had a doctors appointment so was excused the first lesson. Me and mum walked in and the doctor was lovely to me. She said I looked really pretty and admired my new eyebrow shape. We were given the results from my blood tests and everything was ok, although I still hadn’t gone through puberty which explained why I looked so pretty, although I was pleased about that to be honest, I didn’t want to look like a boy again. Mum and the doctor talked about that and it was kind of hard to follow as I realised I hadn’t been listening after hearing about not going through puberty when I realised mum was talking about testosterone shots with the doc. I said, “Hang on, shouldn’t I have a say if I have them?” They both stopped and looked at me and mum asked if I had been listening. I went quiet and she looked at the doctor and said, “Girls eh, probably thinking either fashion or boys!” And they both had a little laugh at me, when the doctor then re explained everything to me. Basically, I could have them if I want to go that way, or I could have a puberty blocker seeing that I seem to want to go down the route of being a girl as they can’t give me girl hormones for a while yet. I needed to go away and think about, then come back in a week to decide.

I went quiet as I thought about this, do I say anything. The doctor sensed I wanted to say something now, but mum thought I was just scared, so the doctor finally said, “Or would you like to me to write the prescription now as you’ve already made your mind up?” I blushed and lowered my face but nodded. The doctor said I need to say it out loud, so I said it, “Yes, I would like that please.” It was explained again the risks and I was referred to something called a gender clinic, but it might be a while before I hear from them, so in the meantime we should carry on as needed. She also made it very clear to me I must not try and cut corners as it could be very dangerous for me and arranged for me to come back for my first blocker shot. On the drive to back to school, we talked a lot about what we would do now, but I just said there was no point me changing anything, the worst has already been thrown at me. We then discussed my name and making it legal so she said she would look into it but was there a middle name I might like. I looked at her and could only think of one name I could think of. “Amy Joanne.” Mum went quiet for a bit then said, “Amy Joanne, Amy Jo, AJ!” You know people will call you AJ”. I was horrified, “No they won’t! They can call me Amy! It’s my name, I picked it and you will call me it.” I practically stamped my foot in the car and mum almost had to pull over as she was laughing so much. She told me she loved me and to stop being so serious, she was here for me, and I had friends who accepted me and loved me, and I would be happy no matter who I chose to be. I told her I loved her. We arrived at school, and I went to main office to sign the book saying I had arrived and as there was only ten minutes left till the end of class I just went and waited for Nicola to finish her lesson. We walked through the school together and I almost told her about my decision, but not yet. The school would need to be formally told, then I would need to finish the show and then it was a week of half term, and I would come back as Amy and surprise everyone. I suspect that might be the worse time for me, but I was a survivor, not a victim.

Friday morning, I arrived at school but not in uniform as I would be in costume pretty much all day so I arrived in leggings but a short jumper so anyone who looked would wonder what had happened to me down there. My tuck was on point that day, and I had used some of the tape that looks like a plaster to hold me in place. Walking through the school I got the looks, but quickly caught up with my Pink Lady’s and headed to the drama studio. I had made the right choice as we were all in leggings that day, although I was wearing trainers and the girls were in uggs. We were the first to go into makeup and hair while the woodwork and art classes were rehearsing the scene changes. Miss Reeves was running about like a loon making sure everything was being done, but for us it was just so much fun and, being spoiled rotten! Sarah’s mum and dad did our hair and we were cautioned not to be too silly and be very careful during our costume changes. Once that was done, we went to get into our first costume, the big petticoats and long skirts and then waited while everyone else was having theirs done. It was now I started to feel nervous, but Miss Reeves had thought of everything as even though we were waiting, we had a photoshoot with the T Birds and our Sandy (who had never really joined in with the rest of the Pink Lady’s as she was a bit snooty, but totally focused on being a star when she left school). Walking about the school, all done up and having your photo taken is a lot of fun, and they wanted a few done during break as they wanted the other kids in the background. They were a nightmare and what should have been easy became a bit crazy and we all felt our skirts being lifted up at some point, so we all screamed a fair bit, afraid that they would see our suspenders and stockings.

We then headed back for our final dress rehearsal and Miss Reeves only had a few pointers and lots of praise. She really liked how we the Pink Lady’s worked together when we sang Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee and the T Birds were great singing Greased Lightening and really funny. The school had said they had to use different lyrics for the swear words, but they had all been rehearsing the real lyrics and I think Miss Reeves knew what they were planning. She’d had enough trouble getting in the bits about virginity and a pregnancy scare but had argued that it was a useful learning experience, so it got approved. After a light lunch for everyone, and making sure we all had water with straws for us girls, we stood backstage waiting for everyone to come in. The headmaster did a little speech, then Miss Reeves talked as they started playing the title music Grease and as soon she finished talking, the curtain went up. The T Birds were doing their opening bit, and my nerves were terrible and I was shaking but the girls hugged me and said, come on, we’re on and I walked out onto the stage and sat on the bench ready.

There were a few little errors, but it worked out really well. They laughed where they were meant to laugh (especially my opening line about wearing glasses for school and Sarah as Rizzo saying she could still my face), sometimes they sang along with us and the other pupils were really surprised when our teachers played the teachers in the show. We had been sworn to secrecy over that and they had only been able to rehearse with us here and there so when they made a mistake or forgot their lines it worked even better for us. After the show we were squealing with excitement, and I felt so tired. Miss Reeves told us that it was our nerves from earlier, so we had to take it easy, have something to eat and then we would reset for the parents show. The Parents show went well, and I will still nervous but not as bad as for the school only show. When mum drove me and Bev home afterwards, I fell asleep in the car and it was only a short a drive. I woke up very late on the Saturday and wasn’t due at school until 2pm and knew Jo needed some rest so just had a lazy day at home in leggings and fluffy socks.

For this show we had to do our own hair and makeup, which I thought was funny seeing that these are people who paid for a ticket, and they hadn’t told us if they had sold many of them. Surprisingly, when we peeked through the curtain the seats were filling up and while it wasn’t sold out, it almost was. This show everyone sang along with us and seemed to know the lines as well as we did. We were told afterwards that it was people who were big fans and do that in the cinema, which is why we sold so many tickets and they paid for all the bits that needed to be paid for. After the show we had a little party and we each were given a programme and were each signing them for each other. It was the first time I had written my name out as Amy, and I wrote it so many times it felt natural by the 30th time. Kim’s mum drove the Pink Lady’s home and we agreed to meet up on Monday in town. It was funny, most people thought I would be going back to being a boy, but they kept talking about it being a girls day out shopping so maybe they knew something I didn’t.

On Sunday when I woke up there was a card next to my bed addressed to Amy and it was from my mum and Bev saying how proud of me they were, and also £200 pounds to get myself a wardrobe and that I should maybe spend a bit at charity shops. I was so touched, and suddenly the girls day out shopping made a bit of sense. They knew this was happening, mum had arranged it with them but asked them to keep it quiet. The girls suspected Amy might be here to stay for a bit longer so when mum asked them to meet up with me. I was still tired today so I did literally nothing other than sit in front of the TV watching some awful stuff, but not bothered enough to watch anything else.

But Monday was the big day, and I selected what I would wear very carefully. I wore an old pair of flats to start the day, a short tennis skirt, a white tight tee shirt. I still had my Pink Lady’s jacket and decided to wear it, with my hair down. I picked up my bag and headed out for the bus for a quick detour. Martin and Jo were both still in their dressing gowns and Jo looked very tired. I didn’t want to spoil their time together so said I was just here to pick up my knee-high boots and Jo hugged me, said I was looking great but she needed to go back to bed as she was still tired. While I was putting them on in the living room, Martin was chatting to me and asked what my plans were. When I told him about the money for clothes, he asked what that meant, so I told him about my visit to the doctor and that the school will be told this week, but Amy is here to stay. He gave me a huge hug, which turned into a kiss, which turned into us on the floor with my legs wrapped around him and my thong across the room somewhere. We kept the noise down so Jo could sleep, but I felt my toes curl in my boots as he came inside me and I came on our stomachs. I held my skirt up as Martin cleaned my cum from me before he cleaned himself and I put my thong back on and tucked. I repaired my makeup and told him I would try and see him again over the holidays, but I expected I would be spending time with the girls and would need to meet up with Steve and talk with him about this.

Meeting up with the girls was a lot of fun, we had all worn our Pink Lady’s jackets and they showed me around the shops. I got a selection of skirts, tops some new shoes and my own ankle boots. I brought my first dresses, a couple of summer dresses and a couple of going out dresses and treated all the girls to lunch in McDonalds as they had been so nice to me, and I told them my news. None of them were surprised, they had seen it coming weeks ago they said. We arranged to meet later in the week, and I loaded up all my bags and got the bus home, feeling like a very lucky girl. Bev showed me the paper which had a review of our show from the parent’s night and it was really nice, especially what they said about Miss Reeves for putting it on. I read the article carefully as I was scared they would talk about the boy playing a girl, but there was nothing so I felt very relieved, I really didn’t want my life splashed across the front pages. I rang Steve and arranged to meet him the next day on Sunday, and went to bed feeling very happy and comfortable in myself. The next day I put on one of my new sundresses and borrowed one of Bev’s jackets heading to Steve’s. I wasn’t sure what he would say when I got there but hoped it would work out ok. He opened the door and looked at me and walked in saying nothing, leaving the door wide open for me. I shut it behind me and found him in his living room playing a game on his console.

I sat down and he asked if I wanted to play, pointing at a controller. Ok, it’s going to be like that is it?. Fine, I like this game and can kick his arse with it, so I did. When I won, I said, “I’m staying as Amy.” He looked at me and said nothing, just loading up another game. “I thought this was just you messing around.” He finally said. I told him about all the fun I’ve had, how much more comfortable I feel and I’m sorry if this makes it difficult for him but this is who I am and who I will be. He played the game saying nothing and I just sat there waiting for him to say something. He said, “I meant to tell you, I have a girlfriend now.”

Wow, I wasn’t expecting that. He never said another word, but I refused to be pushed around on this. “I’m really pleased for you. When did you get together?” And then it really did feel like a slap in the face as he started seeing her just after we started having sex together. I was his bit on the side while he cheated on her with me! But then I thought, well, I can’t even tell him that I was cheating on him, but it does make me feel a lot better about it. He told me a bit more about her, how they met and so on, and I realised that really I was just his practice girlfriend so he could get a real one. Well that’s ok, he was my practice boyfriend really and because of him I became Amy for real. I looked at him and said, “Thank you.” He played for a second and then paused the game, asking me what I meant, and I told him that if I hadn’t bumped into him that day when bunking off, I wouldn’t be sitting here as my true self. He re started the game and just said ok. I picked up the other controller and we played the game together. By the end of the day we had slowly started to return to a bit more normal friends, but there was still some awkwardness as he said I really needed to leave before his folks came home. I kissed him on the cheek and said I hope to meet his girlfriend soon and that maybe if I get a boyfriend for a double date. He looked at me and asked if I wanted a boyfriend and decided to inflate his ego a bit, “Of course I do, if nothing else I really miss getting laid and if he is half as good as you I will be very happy.” And I gave him a wink and started walking home.

The rest of the day at school I had classes with Nicola so we sat together and I had to keep reminding myself not to be so girly in public, but at least for the first time, I now felt that I had a BFF I could be a girl with. I also realised that I had now seen another erection, and Bev was right, I am a lucky girl, but not by much. It also occurred to me that I had held another man’s cum, even if it was in his used condom.

It was break time, and Nicola and I got up to go and meet up with the guys, but the teacher asked me to hang on for a word. I told Nicola to head off and I would meet her before our final lesson of the day. Mr Christian was waiting patiently for me as I walked to his desk, so I assumed I hadn’t done anything wrong as he didn’t looked annoyed. He waited for the classroom door to shut as the last of my classmates walked out and cleared his throat.

“I don’t want you to be embarrassed, but would you mind emptying your pockets?”

I looked at him and suddenly felt scared and my eyes went wide. My trousers didn’t have pockets because they weren’t boy’s trousers. He smiled and said it’s ok, as I hung my head in shame at being caught. “You had drama this morning, didn’t you?” I nodded but still said nothing. “Well, you know me and Miss Reeves are dating and live together? Well, she noticed what you are wearing and mentioned it to me. You don’t need to worry, but we wanted to let you know we have seen what you’ve been wearing recently but we don’t think anyone else has noticed, so we want you to be careful”.

I looked up at him from under my eyelashes while biting my lip and realised I was doing the full Princess Diana to him. I barely whispered when I replied “Sorry sir” to him. He smiled and told me there was nothing to be sorry for, he was just looking out for me. I left the classroom scared and was trying to stretch my jumper down to cover more of my body, especially my bum and lack of pockets or zips where there should be zips. I could feel Mr Christian’s eyes on me as I left. I was scared. I never mentioned any of this to Nicola or Steve, I didn’t want to draw attention to the fact that I would need to be a little less Amy at school in future. As I was leaving school at the end of the day, living the remaining hour in pure fear and trying as hard as possible to hide it while thankful it was Friday, Miss Reeves called out to me. I stopped and looked and was tempted to run, but I would be seeing her next week regardless so reluctantly walked over to her. She smiled at me all the way. When I got there, she told me to relax and not worry, I wasn’t in trouble, she was just concerned about me. She reached into her bag and handed me a slip of paper which had an address on it.

“Look, you can’t tell anyone this, but if you want to come round to my flat it’s a safe space for you and you can talk about this and also be who you want to be for a bit. How does that sound?”

I looked at her and she was smiling gently at me. “Both of us know about you, and I will be there from ten tomorrow while Martin, I mean Mr Christian will be playing football so please, if you are free come round and you can relax and we can chat.” I put the slip of paper into my school bag, said a quiet thank you and rushed off. This was a bit different to a couple of school friends, my sister and the boy I’m having sex with knowing about, this was grown ups and I was more scared they would tell on me and everyone at school would laugh at me all the time. I was a bit distant from my mum and sister that night, barely doing anything as I knew no matter what I needed to go and see Miss Reeves. Every time I thought about it I was thinking I would just go in my normal boys clothes, but I also knew I had spent the whole day walking around the next town over and no one batted an eye. If I was going to be there as Amy, then Amy wasn’t going to hide, even if she would have to hide a little on the way over.

Saturday morning I woke up, showered and made sure my legs and everywhere else was smooth and quietly got changed and packed some clothes in my bag. I planned to do pretty much the same as I did for my daytrip and even selected the same clothes from my limited supply and headed over to see Miss Reeves telling my mum I was just heading over to a friends for the day. The walk there was scary, I felt like everyone knew I was wearing a bra and that I had VPL, but I got to her building. I was a little early and trying to work out what to do, should I ring the intercom a bit early or wait in case she wasn’t home yet. Now I was worried she wouldn’t be there and I now had a bag full of girl clothes and nowhere to go! I was trying to keep calm when I saw Mr Christian come out the building and walk towards me. A big smile broke on his face as he said hello and told me that it was ok, I should ring the buzzer. Nervously I walked to the door and pressed the buttons. Miss Reeves answered in seconds, “Have you forgot your keys?”

I was completely thrown and just said “Miss Reeves?”

“Oh hi, sorry I thought you were Martin, come on up.” And with that the door buzzed and I went in. As I got out the lift for her floor, I could see the door was open, but I still knocked and was invited in. I felt really scared now, but Miss Reeves walked out of a room and came up and gave me a big hug, holding me for what seemed like forever as I started to relax.

“I’m so glad you decided to come today. Now, let’s have a look at you.” She looked me up and down, then said, “I could feel your bra, so I’m guessing you have a change of clothes. The bedroom is over there, take your time and come out when you’re ready”.

Going into the room I realised it was a spare bedroom as it didn’t look lived in. I put my bag on the bed and started to get my clothes out, stopped and then pulled the curtains almost shut. I didn’t think it was likely that anyone could see in, but I felt quite exposed. My jacket and trousers came off, my chicken fillets went in the bra, and I put my skirt on, then my boots. I sat on the edge of the bed and carefully brushed out my wig and put that on, looking in the mirror as I did so. Then it was time to start with the make-up and at least unlike the train I had a bit of time. There was a knock on the door and Miss Reeves asked if I was ok and I replied, “It’s ok, I’m just doing my makeup.” She asked if I was decent and when I said I was dressed she opened the door and for the first time an adult saw me dressed.

“Well don’t you look pretty.” She said as she walked over to me and gave me another hug, then sat down next to me. “I wasn’t expecting you to bring makeup, if I had known I would have made sure there was a chair and dresser in here for you.” She stood up. “Come on, it will be easier in my room.” We both took my make-up into her room, and I sat on the stool in front of her dresser and admired the sheer volume of makeup. When I was finished, I looked at her and said, “Thank for this Miss.” She laughed and told me to call her by her first name here, Jo.

She gave me another hug and asked, “So what should I call you?” I told her I was Amy.

We went into her living room and I loved that she has a balcony, with a view rather than just looking at a carpark. She got a can of coke and gave me a straw and she made herself a coffee and we both stood on the balcony chatting. She hadn’t asked me anything about being Amy, just chatted to me about music and TV. After about an hour or so of this I started to calm down and although she was an adult, she had pointed out that her and Martin were only 25, so not really much older than me, even though it didn’t feel that way. She even let me try on some of her clothes after I had said how much I admired one of her dresses. It was kinda strange at first as we were trying clothes on with one of us going out the room when the other got changed, but finally I just took one of her dresses off in front of her. She was a bit taken aback at first and then just took hers off as well and then it was no big deal, we were just two girls together trying on clothes. None of her shoes fitted me, so some things looked a bit weird with my boots on, but some of the things I got to wear were designer clothes, so I didn’t care.

As much fun as it was, it couldn’t go on forever, so Jo made us both a salad and we had lunch. Finally, she asked me the question that I knew was coming. “So Amy, tell me about boys?” I decided to try and avoid it. “Do you mean what it feels like to be a boy?” I replied.

She smiled and said, “You know full well what I meant”. I took a deep breath, and told her about me and Steve, how it started, I even admitted about the day we both bunked off school and then met Nicola and Michael, how my sister caught me with Steve inside me, and how I decided to start trying to dress as much like a girl at school as I could. Jo asked me how I got started with dressing and having told her I’d had sex it was no big deal anymore. She felt like a cool aunt, not that I had one but I felt like I could trust her, so I told her my story, trying things on, feeling guilty, all the usual stuff really.

We both turned our heads as the front door opened and Mr Christian walked in. He looked at me and just said, “Wow, you look gorgeous!” And he went to the fridge and got himself a can of coke and sat down opposite us. Jo looked at him and said “Her name is Amy, and she is my friend.” Mr Christian told me to call him Martin, and then they both laid down the law to me. I could use their first name only when I was Amy and never to use it at school, that I could come and talk to them whenever I wanted and that I shouldn’t feel scared. We all chatted for a couple more hours and then Jo asked me if I was going to see Steve this weekend, and I admitted I didn’t know yet, but we will probably meet up tomorrow somehow, maybe when his parents were at church. Jo looked at Martin and said, “Steve is her boyfriend.” I blushed and wanted to hide my face, but Martin said Steve is a lucky boy and I should be pleased to have him. Jo and me giggled at that and he said, “ok, he is lucky to have you then by the sounds of it.”

At four I knew it was time for me to leave, but Jo insisted I come round after school on Tuesday for some more girly time, and I went to take my makeup off and get changed back to being a boy. I did take my bra off for the walk home though, and both Jo and Martin gave me a hug and told me how much they enjoyed spending time with Amy as I left. Walking home I felt a lot better, for the first time I had been able to talk about this with someone, and I although I couldn’t tell Steve about meeting up with Jo and Martin as it would risk their jobs, I was still looking forward to seeing him if he was free.

He was, and we had two wonderful hours of fun together.

---------------

On Monday I didn’t wear the clothes I really wanted to as we had PE, and other than a quick nod from Jo or Martin in the corridors, the day was just like any other. Steve wanted to slip off to the staircase at the library at lunchtime, but as I was dressed in all boy clothes, I didn’t really want to do that. But on Tuesday we did, even though I was wearing boy trousers, everything else I was wearing was girl and once again I was on my back with Nicola laying near me as both of our boyfriends used our bodies to enjoy themselves and we all went back to school with a smile. At the end of the day, I know Steve was hoping to walk me home and was disappointed not get home with me, so I promised him that he will get something on the way to school tomorrow, at lunch time and again after school and that made him happy. I made sure no one could see us and gave him a kiss and had to stop him getting over excited as I was already tempted to just lay down where we were in a corridor and let him have his way. I smiled as I watched him walk away trying to hide his erection as I made my way to Jo and Martin’s.

When I got there, Jo was in but there was no Martin to be seen and she was dressed in workout gear pushed me into the bedroom, told me she had noticed my VPL and to get changed. On the bed was another workout leotard and a pair of trainers and she told me us girls have to work for our figures, and it would be nice to have a workout partner for a change. I stripped down to my underwear and took off my tights and was wishing I had a bra with me when I noticed there was a sports bra and a pair of chicken fillets and that the trainers were a cheap pair from the market in my size. I quickly put them on, and went out to see Jo, who was holding a wig from the drama store that was shorter than mine, but a similar colour. She helped me put it on and put a scrunchie on it to keep it in a ponytail. “Your hair isn’t too bad but giving it a better style wouldn’t be a good idea. Anyway, let’s get some lippy on you.” Jo stuck an exercise DVD on and I tried to do the moves to keep up with her, and it was tough! I couldn’t believe how difficult it was and was glad I hadn’t put any other makeup on as it would have run for sure. I was really worried about my tuck falling apart while we were working out, but it stayed secure and the leotard definitely helped.

When the workout was over, I turned around and there was Martin, standing in the doorway looking at us. He looked both of us up and down and at first I was a bit weirded out by it, but then I remembered this is Martin, not Mr Christian, and it’s not like I wasn’t flaunting it when bunking off school for older men, so what’s the big deal. Plus, I’d never seen him do that with any of the girls at school who fancied him, so I was one up on them! He said, “Does this mean I can now watch the news?” Jo told him he could and he sat down as we both got a drink and then joined him. He looked at Jo and said, “Seriously hun, you look great, you don’t need to do that.” She pointed out that she looks good because she does this, and he has never complained before. He looked at me, “You too Amy, you look great too. In fact, I have to admit I did quite enjoy watching you both for the last ten minutes.”

Oh. My. God! The last ten we were both bent over at the waist with our bums facing the door and he was watching us! I was blushing for a thousand people as Jo got up and walked over to him, gave him a kiss and then turned around and bent at the waist looking back at him and said, “You mean like this?” Jo gave me a wink, and I thought screw it, if she can do it I can as well. Besides, he’s already been watching so what’s the point, especially as I will be here on Thursday doing the same. So I got up, and did a similar pose and said to Jo, “No, it was more like this.” And we both did a mini version of what had killed me a second ago before we both started laughing and fell on the floor. He slid down to floor and started tickling Jo and trying to kiss her, and I moved out of the way laughing with them both. I also realised I had just purposely tried to turn a man on, not a boy, and this man knew not only what I was but also how old I was. Martin slowed down the tickling and increased the kissing and they were both making out a little bit and I’m sure I saw Jo stroke Martin’s penis, but I couldn’t really see. While I was trying to work out if I did see that, Martin moved Jo out of the way, and lunged for me, surprising me as he started to tickle me.

“You think I forgot you were just as guilty as Jo, did you?” He said, tickling me as I was laughing and screaming at the same time. It was both torture and fun at the same time and he slowed down the tickling as I lay on my side with my back to him and he leant over me as my breathing calmed down. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.” I told him, realising that once again I was doing the Princess Diana to him and that I’ve felt Steve’s erection pressed against me enough times to know what it feels like when a man is hard. He stopped and I rolled ever so slightly towards him, pressing against him a bit more. He never moved away, and I kept the pressure up when Jo pointed out we should both get changed. As we both got changed Jo offered to wash the sports bra for me and told me she hoped the tickling session wasn’t too weird for me. “No, I think I need to apologise to you, I shouldn’t have joined in with the teasing.” She told me not to worry, it was just harmless fun, but I kept trying to say sorry as it looked like they were about to do it, and she kept telling me it was fine, but then said, “I’m sorry I gave him the erection he had when he started tickling you.” I told her it was no big deal, although it was definitely bigger than anything I had experienced before and we both started giggling. We chatted a bit more but for some reason I didn’t want Martin to see me as a boy, even though he would tomorrow anyway in lessons. As I walked home, I was playing back the conversation and realised that jo hadn’t said she had given him the erection, but ‘we’ had given it to him. I knew I needed to talk to Jo about that, but it couldn’t happen at school, so I had to wait. When I saw Steve that evening in the park in my sister’s old jeans, I did find myself comparing him to Martin, even though I had only felt it touching me.

After school on Thursday I was really nervous going to Jo’s, but she was completely normal with me and never once mentioned what happened on Tuesday. We had our workout, but this time Martin came home a bit earlier and just sat on the sofa as we did the routine. It was starting to feel a bit easier, learning the moves and almost keeping up with the video, but I was nowhere near as good as Jo. When we finished, Martin got us both a drink and apologised to me for the tickling and was a complete gentleman. He got us both towels as we sat there and got our breaths back, and I noticed he had a semi erection. Jo saw me looking and told me not to worry about it, so as quickly as possible I said to her, “I can’t believe how quickly you can get him like that.” Jo looked at me and replied, “just like last time, we’re both responsible for that one.” I was blushing once again when he handed me a towel and I found it hard to look up at him, especially as his semi erect penis was at eye level. I was feeling very awkward and finally Jo broke it by telling him I was embarrassed at his erection. I felt like the earth would open up and swallow me whole, and when it didn’t, I started wishing it would. He was a gentleman once again and apologised for it, but said it was an involuntary reaction to seeing two beautiful women in tight clothing. I felt a lot better at being called beautiful, but then he really surprised me by putting his hand down his pants and saying he needed to rearrange everything and moved his penis from pointing down to pointing up and it made it look even more obvious!

Jo looked at me and said, “Ignore him.” So we did. We chatted together while he looked at us. As Jo and me were getting changed back, she asked me if I wanted to come round again this Saturday and I really did, even with the slight weirdness of Martin and his erection, I still enjoyed spending time with both of them.

The next day at school was a Friday and I had a lesson with both of them and decided to wear my sister’s old school trousers and fem myself up as much as I dared. Steve was very aware of how I was dressed and knew we would have a very nice lunchbreak together. I’m glad that Nicola and Michael weren’t with us this time as it made it feel more intimate when he entered me and we kissed and less like we were putting on a show. Jo noticed what I was wearing and almost called me Amy during drama, but changed it into saying ‘and’, but I was already prepared for that happening. Steve had done it to me once in front of his parents so a teacher saying it in a room full of kids is nothing. At the end of the lesson, she sat us all down early which usually means a big announcement of some sort, and I noticed the ‘star’ students were looking a bit smug.

Jo Said, “Ok you lot, it’s that time of year again, time for the school show. Some of you I’ve already approached for parts, but there will be auditions next week each lunch break so if anyone would like to try out for the show, please come along.” She kept looking at me as she was saying this, but if there was a message she wanted to get across, I was missing it but wasn’t worried as she would tell me tomorrow. She knew I enjoyed drama but had no interest in acting on stage. She went on to say she would need some people to help with setting it up and hoped that anyone who didn’t get a part would still help in some way. “And even though some people may think they are going to get a starring role, it will depend on the auditions and if someone is better for the part, they will get it instead.” She was known for being really tough with her casting choices and once a girl went home in tears for not getting the role she thought she deserved. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t paying a huge amount of attention as Steve was sitting next to me and stroking my leg so no one could see and I knew he wanted us to get to the library as quickly as possible.

We rushed there as soon as we were let out and once in the stairway, I opened his zip and put my hand in. I was desperate for him at this point and took his hard cock out and walked up the stairs, leading him by it as his hands were stroking my bum. Once we were at a safe place, I turned around and took him into my mouth, I needed to taste him and needed to taste him right now. He must have been turned on as it didn’t take a lot of licking and sucking on him till he exploded in my mouth. There was so much cum it felt like he had been saving it for me especially and I was regretting not having just gone for the main course and riding him to feel it inside me. We went a bit further up the stairs and kissed for a bit while I kept stroking him before he started to undress me. Before long I was wearing nothing but my hold ups, thong and a lacy vest as he slowly laid me down and opened my legs, getting between them with his hardness pointing at where it wanted to be. I pulled my thong to the side and guided him in me. He entered me slowly at first as I got used to him in me and he was all the way in. I was pulling him into me with my hands as I kissed him. We started off by making love and then he got faster as he began to thrust into me as quickly and hard as he could. We both came at the same time and kissed each other gently. As he lay on top of me, inside me still twitching, I kissed him and said, “Thank you, I needed that.” He smiled, gave me a kiss and started pulling out of me but I lifted my hips to keep him in me. “I needed you too.” He said as his penis left me feeling empty. He looked at me and thrust forward hard and was once again deep inside me, and even though he had had just cum, we made love slowly, kissing all the time for what seemed like forever. We both froze when we heard a door open and voices below us, not moving. We looked at each other and stifled a giggle as we heard them open another door and leave us alone, when we realised he stopped when we had both thrust forward. I looked at his watch and saw we were running out of time to get back to school so we tried to get dressed without him pulling out but had to separate from each other and rushed back, just getting to our classes on time. I took my seat next to Nicola and she looked at me, and Mr Christian was looking at me, smiled then looked away. Nicola whispered to me, “You look like you’ve been royally fucked.” I blushed and she smiled. I sneaked at look at Mr Christian, and he was smiling at me and I realised he knew about Steve and could work out what we had been doing.

On Saturday when I arrived at Jo’s, she pulled me into the bedroom to get changed. Today I had worn my hold ups, my skirt was on under my trousers and chicken fillets in my bra. The first thing she asked me is did I have fun on my lunch break in the library with Steve. “How did you know!” I asked her. She told me that her and Martin had seen us going in there and he told her how I looked like I had just been fucked within an inch of my life when I got to his lesson. I admitted I had and told her all about it and like girls do, we talked about our sex lives as I was putting on my makeup. As soon as I was finished, she asked me try a jacket on to see how it looked, handed me a handbag and dragged me out the door saying we were going shopping. A short drive in her car and we were looking around the shops, trying things on. I brought myself a pair of heels as I really wanted my own and we picked up a few outfits in charity shops including a calf length pencil skirt and a pair of white pedal pushers and a couple of tops, plus some underwear that I could leave at hers for when I needed it. We went back to hers and I hung up and put away my clothes in their spare room and we sat down to watch Grease, right as Martin came home. I saw them both look at each other saying nothing and realised that Martin must have had it confirmed that I had sex yesterday before his class. No biggie, he had already guessed but I hope he doesn’t ask. We watched the film together and although I hadn’t seen it for a while, me and Jo did sing along to some of the songs and demand that Martin take part. When it finished, she asked me if I was going to audition for the play and I pointed out I don’t really look like a T Bird. She looked at me and said, “No, I was thinking a Pink Lady.” She hit pause and said, “That one.”

I looked at her and was a bit confused and just said, “Huh?”

When the film finished, she asked me if I was going to audition for the play and I pointed out I don’t really look like a T Bird. She looked at me and said, “No, I was thinking a Pink Lady.” She hit pause and said, “That one.”

I looked at her and was a bit confused and just said, “Huh?”

“Seriously, you can sing ok for the backing vocals you’ll be doing, you look great and think what a great excuse this would be! I know who Sandy and Rizzo will be, the T Birds are already cast. All I need now are a few people to be background people, one other pink lady and a couple of the background girls. Plus you.”

I was dumbstruck, this was a really big thing to do and I looked at the screen at Marty and thought about her style all through the film and how much I wanted to have her part, how much fun it would be. But I was nervous about being on stage. Jo pointed out that every time I go out I either have to act as a girl or as a guy so being on stage is no different. All I would need to do is audition and she would do the rest, but I would need to audition each day as she went through the process before offering me the role. I really wasn’t sure, but Jo kept humming the bars of the songs, and had me to a mini fashion show for Martin (which is when I realised that we had been buying Marty’s costume for the show that would fit me). Even after getting changed and walking home I was still a bit dumbstruck, so much so that on Sunday I mentioned I to both my mum and sister that I was thinking of auditioning for it, even though I knew I was going to do it. When I told Steve on the way to school on Monday I was going to audition he thought I was a bit mad (plus it meant we wouldn’t get to go to the library together), so I think he was a bit upset with me and while he wasn’t giving me the cold shoulder, he was very much not treating me like Amy anymore.

Anyway, that lunchtime I went to the audition and when asked what role I wanted just shrugged and said I don’t mind. I knew what I would get but couldn’t exactly say out loud I was going for a girl part. Each day that week I had to go back until on the Friday it was me and a girl auditioning together. We had to sing different songs, and each of us singing both parts to You’re the one that I want, when at the end Jo talked to both of us one by one, starting with the girl. They were on the other side of the room when I heard the girl say out loud, “Are you serious!”, but Jo must have said something that calmed her down as she walked out and looked at me with a smile that said she got the part and I didn’t. Then Jo walked over to me and sat down on the floor with me. She looked about the room as if she was going to give me bad news, but the moment she looked at me she smiled and said, “You got the part.” For half a minute I was massively excited, and I squealed in delight. Then realisation set in. “How will I be able to do this?”, but she patted my knee and said don’t worry, we’ll talk tomorrow.

On Saturday I Arrived at Jo’s and this time Martin was there as well. After I got changed we talked a lot and discussed how to make this happen. Basically, I was going to talk to my mum about it, and Jo was going to get it finalised with the school who had agreed I could have the role if my parents were ok with it. Then it would be the rehearsals and talking it over with the rest of the Pink Lady’s and the girls cast were ok with it. That night I mentioned to my mum that I had been offered a part in the school show and with a question-and-answer session I told her it was Grease, but I was waiting to be told exactly what part I would play. She was thrilled and even my sister was excited as she loves Grease but told me it would be rubbish as it was a school thing. Later, I told my sister what part I had been offered and that a girl I had to compete with was turned down. She was really worried about this, but I made her promise not to tell mum. The next day mum asked me if I had really been offered the part of a girl. My sister had grassed me up, and I now felt a bit scared of what else might have said. I was easier to admit that yes I think I have, but I’m not sure if it was a joke. My mum burst out laughing and said that ‘at least it would mean more people are likely to come and see the boy acting a women’s part’. We chatted a bit about it, and I said that I hadn’t yet said no, but wasn’t really sure if I had got it wrong as I was offered the part of Marty, but Marty in the film is a girl. So once again I ended up watching Grease, but this time with my mum and we both sang along to the film and she admitted I could probably play that part but maybe they meant a different Marty, but that if I wanted to do the part she wouldn’t have a problem, so long as I was ok with it.

So on Monday, when I saw Jo in the corridor I gave her the thumbs up and everything went into overdrive. I was told there were a lot of discussions and phone calls, but finally I was called to the headmaster’s office where both Jo and my mum were waiting. There I was formally told that yes, I had been offered the part of Marty, a Pink Lady and if I wanted the part it was mine. The only other role being offered to me was one of the boring cheerleaders who hate the Pink Lady’s, and the girl offered that part would understudy me. If I decide to do this the I have to take it seriously and if I do not take the role seriously I would get a lot of detention for wasting people’s time.

I looked at them, and said, “This is the sort of thing that seems silly, but I may never get a chance like this again so I will do it.”

There was a lot more discussion about the role and what I needed to do which basically meant Jo was going to give up some of her own time to help me. After the meeting finished and before I went back to class mum gave me a big hug and asked me again if I wanted to do this, and I nodded and went back to class with the instruction of reporting to the drama studio after school. I met up with Nicola as soon as I could in break and told her I was going to be in Grease and a Pink Lady. She screamed in excitement and gave me a hug. Next we told Michael and then Steve. Michael thought it was funny, but Steve just said, “Oh’, and Nicola looked at me. She said she was going to get a drink and asked me to come and told me that she thinks Steve is worried what people will say about him as you are both close. I was worried that it might be over with him, but she pointed out he’s a man and will do pretty much anything if you promise them a blowjob. We looked at each other and started giggling and couldn’t stop when we got back to the guys. Steve was still a bit cold with me for the rest of the day, but I managed to get him to agree to come to the drama studio with me before we went home. I had a suspicion of what Jo was going to do when I got there.

We walked in and Jo, sorry, Miss Reeves looked up and saw both of us. She put on a show for Steve and said that if I was going to do this I had to take it seriously and it started right now. She walked to the drama store and came out with a shoe box, a shoe box I recognised. She opened it and showed them to me and said, “These might fit you. Try them on now please.” And passed the box to me. What was funny is that Steve wasn’t surprised I was wearing tights that day, and neither was Jo, but Miss Reeves stopped me and asked. “What are they?” she said, pointing at my feet. I looked at her and said I had borrowed them from Nicola as I guessed something like this was coming. Miss Reeves looked at me sternly, and said, “I would rather you didn’t try and second guess my direction.” I looked at Steve and he was blushing madly and looking away and when I looked back at Miss Reeves, Jo smiled at me and winked. I slipped the shoes on and stood up. Miss Reeves asked me how they felt, and I said they seemed to fit ok, and she told me to try walking in them. For Steve, I worked it and really worked it as I walked. I could feel his eyes looking at my legs and bum as walked, swaying my hips doing the full model runway walk that I had practiced hundreds of times. When I got back I sat down and lifted one leg over the over and dangled the shoe from my toes. I could practically feel the heat from Steve’s erection, but Miss Reeves told me I needed to practice walking in them as much as I could at home so that eventually I would be able to walk like a woman while wearing them. While Steve was looking at my legs, Jo gave me a wink.

Miss Reeves said, “Most of the pupils will have gone by now, but I expect you to at least try walking to the gate while wearing them, then you can change them, although I suspect it won’t take long for people to find out what you’ve agreed to do.” She looked away at this point and I just knew she was trying to hide a smile from Steve. Then she looked at him, “Steve, I’m glad you’re here, I need you to stay with her for as long as possible to make sure she doesn’t fall over.” He never noticed that Jo was calling me ‘she’. Steve looked at Miss Reeves and she said, “Please take care of her, this is a very brave thing to do.”

I stood up and walked the two steps to pick up my bag and crouched down to put my shoes in them. I looked at Steve and he had a very clear erection straining at his trousers. I put my arm on his and asked if it was ok, as I needed a little help. He croaked a yes, and we started walking to the door, but I clearly didn’t need any help. I looked back at Jo and she gave me a wink. I glad she didn’t mime giving a blowjob as it was going to happen soon, or Steve might pass out from lack of blood to the brain. We walked into the corridor and the clipping of my heels made me very happy, especially as I was holding onto Steve’s arm. I stopped him when we turned a corner into a small alcove and put my finger to my lips so I could listen. Silence.

“Kiss me.” I told him, and he did. We were on school grounds, everything I was wearing were women’s clothes, we were in public and making out. I couldn’t stop myself and he didn’t stop me either as I put my hand in his trousers and took his very hard cock out. I stroked it and crouched down to suck him, but I could feel his orgasm rising very quickly and I had barely licked it when he came, shooting over my face. I couldn’t believe, my first facial happened on school grounds, and I don’t have any tissues or anything to wipe it off with. The nearest toilets meant walking out of this block and across a courtyard with cum on my face.

“Come on,” I told him, “I need to clean up.”

And I took his hand and we walked out into the courtyard and the 100 metre walk outside to get to the toilets. I could feel his cum on my face as we walked together in silence, holding hands. Going into the other block, we headed towards the toilets and he let go of my hands as I was about to go in. “Oh, the girls are over there!” a voice called out. I looked up and it was one of the custodians pointing to the girls’ toilets. They must have seen my heels and just assumed, so while Steve waited outside, I went into the girl’s toilets at school for the first time. In the stall I wiped the cum from my face, lowered my trousers and sat down to have a pee. Once I was cleaned up, I went out and Steve wasn’t there, but then I heard the taps running in the boys’ toilet and he came out shortly. I guess he needed to clean up as well. He took my hand and we started to head towards the gate and now he was coming down from his orgasm high, he let go of my hand, explaining we were still on school grounds. I wanted to walk all the way home in the heels, but I had never walked this far in them before and I really wasn’t used to it, so not far from the school gates I had to change them. At least Steve was ready by the time we got back to mine and while it was only a quickie, I knew he needed it and I was more than ready to let him have me.

Tuesday after school I was once again at Jo’s and Martin’s working out to an exercise video, but this time she was taking it a bit easier while making sure I kept the aerobics going as usual. Jo was telling me what would be happening over the next two months as we rehearsed the show. While the schedule hadn’t been worked out, I was going to be expected at each rehearsal as I had a lot to learn. Tomorrow the cast list and roles would be formally published, so everyone will know what I am doing, and the rehearsals start the following week. Jo was being given this week this to give me some training and I was expected to report any bullying I got, although she knew that would make it worse so suggested I make sure I am always somewhere a teacher is to protect myself. Martin suggested I maybe not wear what I would like to for a couple of weeks from now on and that just made me feel a bit sad, but Jo sad she would arrange hair extensions for me to wear rather than a wig so it can be styled and feel more like me than wearing something that will just make me sweat a lot. The story for when I got home today was that Jo introduced me to makeup. I managed to finally corner my sister as well when I got home without mum hearing us. She admitted she told mum about the show as she was so surprised but hadn’t told her anything else. At first I didn’t quite believe her but as we carried on chatting I realised she really hadn’t. We talked a bit more about what was going on and I told her I was still dressing a little bit but couldn’t work out if it was because I liked looking like a girl or something else, or maybe it was just a sex thing. Like her and her boyfriend, we both sometimes thought we loved them and other times were just using them for the fun we could have with them, but we both agreed in the end that Steve was just a crush that I was getting to enjoy a lot, and that whenever it is over I will heartbroken, but more than likely for him as with most boys, I was just somewhere for him to get his dick wet.

When I arrived at school the next day, I walked past the drama studio and saw that the cast list and roles were up on the wall and some people were looking at it. No one paid me any attention yet, but I wasn’t looking forward to PE later on as by then it would be around the school. Sure enough, when I got to the changing room later that day, everyone knew as it went very quiet when I walked in. There weren’t any comments, but while I was in there no one changed, and no one said anything. I kept my back to them and got out as soon as I could. I was the last picked for cricket when normally I’m just one of the last ten or so, and I asked the teacher if I could finished early to get changed before anyone else was in there and he nodded, saying nothing else to me. I was showered, changed and got out of the room before they finished, walking away as quickly as I could hoping to meet up with Nicola or Michael as they finished their class. Instead, something really surprising happened. As I was walking along the corridor away from the changing rooms, the girls PE class was coming back and I was stopped by a girl called Sarah. “Hiya, I hear you’re going to be one of my Pink Lady’s!” She was smiling as she said it and there was no meanness in her eyes. Sarah was going to be Rizzo. I admitted I was and hoped I wouldn’t make a fool of myself of her. She touched my arm to reassure me and said, “Don’t be silly, I saw you sing at the second audition and think you will be great. Us Pink Ladies were going to have lunch together and I would love it if you could join us? We’ll be out of here in about 20 minutes, will you wait?” Sarah asked me. She seemed really genuine and I definitely wanted to, but didn’t want to wait here for that long with no teachers around and no one to keep an eye out for me in such an exposed area. Sarah realised I was a bit worried and told me to hold on a minute, and she jogged back the way the girls came from the sports field. She came back with one of the women PE teachers, who looked at me, and told me to follow her, so I did. Twenty minutes later in the girl’s PE teachers office, Sarah came and got me, the teachers were lovely and said they would talk to the other teachers and get me out of PE from now on, which is a shame as I did enjoy some of the sports.

I had an amazing lunch break with the other Pink Lady’s Kim and Jodie, as well as Sarah. I thought they might be a bit mean as they were a little bit older than me and also the ones who always do these shows at school. Sarah wants to be a singer when she leaves school, Jodie likes acting as it’s fun, but wants to be an engineer and Kim doesn’t care what she does. After explaining that Miss Reeves is helping me this week to at least give me an idea of how to be a girl, then it’s up to me to keep the role by working at it. The one question I was waiting for wasn’t asked until just before the next lesson which is why I’m doing this. Obviously, I didn’t tell them the real reason why, but just that I thought doing the show would be fun and then that I was given time to decide if I wanted this part and thought why not? Then I asked them if they would act as a man for a school show and they all instantly said yes, just to see what it was like. Point made, and real reason nicely avoided, thank you for the advice, Martin, x.

Kim offered to walk me to class, and I found out from Jo after school that she had asked them to look after me and to make the Pink Lady’s a team by trying to include me in the things they do. I didn’t find out till Friday that this included going to Jodie’s as her mum was making the Pink Lady jackets for us. Jo had given Jodie one of my bras and the chicken filets so that when I was measured it would fit me correctly. They were all surprised when I slipped my arms through the straps and did it up behind my back and just looking at me when I finished. “What?” I said, “Miss Reeves has been helping me. I have a pair of heels at home I have to walk around in all the time as well.” The girls loved this and wanted to see me in them, but I pointed out they will see it every time in rehearsals, so you can wait. The measuring for the jacket was a new experience, having a tape measure go round my bust was strange and being told by Jodie’s mum that maybe I should go up a cup size as it would look better on me. I asked her a bit more about this and she said she would make the jacket for the next size up in case I decide to.

I mentioned this to Jo the next day and Martin thought it would be a good idea. Jo said she would pop out to the store to see what there was and I was to keep practicing walking in the heels and the pencil skirt and the restricted movement. It was funny chatting to Martin while walking around and strutting my stuff, sitting and crossing my legs and just getting used to moving in the skirt and heels. Martin got up to make a drink and asked me if I wanted one and I asked for a cup of tea. In their kitchen they have a breakfast bar with those swivel stools, and I went to sit on one while we chatted as the kettle boiled, but in the pencil skirt couldn’t get on it. Martin walked to me, put his hands on my waist and picked me up effortlessly and placed me on the stool.

O.M.G!

I giggled. I felt like I creamed my knickers at that moment, the teacher the girls crush on just picked me up like I was a plaything. The teacher who with Jo I gave two erections. The teacher who pressed his erection up against me and I pushed back on it. No, not a teacher, Mr Christian is a teacher, Martin is the boyfriend of my friend, and she thought it was funny we gave him an erection. That was who picked me up like a plaything and made me cream my knickers, the man who I’m sitting here squirming for as I realise, I want to get to know that erection, I want to feel it again, I want to taste it, I want to feel it in me. He smiles at me as we wait, and I smile back. I look him up and down.

Why am I thinking this! Ok, this is new to me. I like Steve, I like having sex with Steve but that’s because he was attracted to me when I was wearing lingerie. Martin I fancy and I fancy him a lot. It was him I was thinking about when Steve was last inside me, him I was thinking about when I was teasing Steve in the drama studio. I need to work out what I’m going to do here. I let my heels dangle from my toes as I sit there looking at him.

“Stop flirting with me.” He says. “What do you mean?” I ask back. He gives me a smile that melts me and says, “You know what you’re doing.” I bite my lip and look up at him from under my lashes. “What am I doing?” I ask. Oh god, this is amazing, please let all flirting with men be like this.

“Can I ask you something?” I say to him. “Sure, what do you want to ask?” he replies. I pause for a bit, do I really want to say this and spoil the moment, is the fantasy better that what might go wrong? “It was something Jo said.” I say, I didn’t want to mention her name in case it broke the spell, but Jo is my friend and I know I am flirting with her boyfriend, but I also need to know this. “She said that we both gave you an erection and I wanted to know if I had caused some of it?” I look away, embarrassed. I was stupid and shouldn’t have said it but I did and now it’s all over and I’ve ruined it. I can feel him moving closer and now I’m scared. I feel a finger go under my chin and gently lift my face to look at him. Oh, he is so handsome, so gorgeous I just want him to kiss me. It can’t happen, it mustn’t happen.

He looks me in the eye and says, “Yes.”

“Can I ask you something?” I say to him. “Sure, what do you want to ask?” he replies. I pause for a bit, do I really want to say this and spoil the moment, is the fantasy better that what might go wrong? “It was something Jo said.” I say, I didn’t want to mention her name in case it broke the spell, but Jo is my friend and I know I am flirting with her boyfriend, but I also need to know this. “She said that we both gave you an erection and I wanted to know if I had caused some of it?” I look away, embarrassed. I was stupid and shouldn’t have said it but I did and now it’s all over and I’ve ruined it. I can feel him moving closer and now I’m scared. I feel a finger go under my chin and gently lift my face to look at him. Oh, he is so handsome, so gorgeous I just want him to kiss me. It can’t happen, it mustn’t happen..

He looks me in the eye and says, “Yes.”

Martin leans in towards me I know he is going to kiss me and I should move away, but I don’t. His lips brush mine ever so gently as he gives me a gentle kiss and I close my eyes. I want to devour him but know I mustn’t, this wrong on so many different levels. Our lips move gently, but neither of us opens our mouths to let our tongues explore. I suddenly realise this is the most romantic kiss I’ve ever had and that he is moving away from me but keeps both of his hands on my arms and I notice for the first time my hands are on his shoulders. We look into each other’s eyes, and he is smiling gently at me. I seem to suddenly snap out of it and try to slide off the stool and his hands move to my hips and helps me down and I try to walk away but he takes my hand, not roughly, but enough to make me stop. I look at him and say, “This is wrong.”

He keeps holding my hands and keeps smiling. Grrrrr! Why does he have to be so handsome and why do I know that even though this is wrong I don’t want this to stop. “Why?” is all he says. I try to get the thought of the kiss out my head and point out I am 14, but he just says so if I was 24 and he was 35 would that be wrong? He walks me over to the sofa and we sit down, still holding hands with his thumb gently stroking the back of my hand. “I don’t know, I mean yes and no, but you know what I mean about this?” I tell him. He puts both of his hands on mine and tells me that Amy doesn’t go to his school, Amy is a friend of his and Jo’s. I point out Jo is my friend and It’s wrong to kiss my friend’s boyfriend. He smiles at me gently and says, well if that’s the problem then it isn’t really a problem and for the first time I learn about open relationships and that Jo has a regular lover and so does he. He picked up a digital camera, turns it on and starts showing me pictures of both him and Jo with other people clearly being intimate with them but not having sex, just naked togther, just kissing and being very handsy while smiling. This is a lot to take in.

“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.” He tells me, knowing full well what I want to do, and I can’t help but smile as I think about it, sneaking a look at him. He is looking at me and smiles, then leans towards me again and this time I pull him towards me as we start kissing. Oh my god this is amazing! Steve is never this gentle and romantic and I knew I needed to draw some boundaries, so I break away from the kiss. “Ok,” I tell him, “We can kiss but nothing else.” He nods as we start kissing again. Our hands were caressing each other as and his bum is so taught and just amazing to hold. I feel one of his hands run down my legs and he takes off one heel, then the other and runs it back up my leg going as far under the pencil skirt as it would let him. He is laying on top of me and once again I feel his erection pressing against me and I giggle. He tells me he is sorry and puts his hand down his trousers to move it so it’s less uncomfortable for both of us. Ok, so my hand didn’t take long to reach down and have a feel and it was much, much bigger than Steve and all I could think was will it fit in my mouth and will it hurt going into to me? Martin breaks away from the kiss and pulls me to my feet, lifting my skirt up my legs between kisses telling me he wants to be able to stroke my legs. I look down and see that it would crease the skirt so I reach behind me and start to pull the zip down, but he stops me, and takes over removing my skirt. He gently lowers the zip while kissing me and it hangs on my hips, before he slowly starts working it over them and it falls to the floor. I’m standing in front of him in a thong and hold ups and he pulls me to him and his hands run down my back, heading for my bum as he presses his erection against me as we kiss. I lead him back to the sofa as I want to lay back and be kissed with him laying on me, caressing me, and as lay down one of his legs goes between mine. We keep kissing and caressing each other and I don’t know when it happened, but both of his legs were between mine and he was rubbing his erection against me while I was pushing back against it.

I stop and push him up a little, but we both keep the pressure below. “Well this isn’t fair!” I tell him. He looks a bit confused for a second, so I say I’m in my underwear, why isn’t he? And before he gets a chance to say I start pushing his trousers down at the back and he lifts his hips. I run my hands around his waist, and undo his trousers, pushing them down. I can see the clear outline of his erection in his underwear as we both work to get his trousers off. Finally, they are on the floor next to my skirt and I decided to take his tee shirt off him as well. Once it’s off he looks at me and says, “Well this isn’t fair!” and I giggle at him as I start to take my jumper off, being careful not to dislodge my wig. We go back to kissing, caressing and rubbing against each other but now feeling each other’s skin as we kiss. I keep thinking this is so wrong but just don’t want to stop. I’m worried where it might go knowing full well what the next step is, me pulling his underwear down, so I just decide if it’s going happen I may as well do it now. So I run my hand down the front of his body and he lifts up from me as my hand just goes in and wraps around his hardness. He is huge, or at least bigger than anything I’ve previously experienced, which isn’t a lot to be fair, but still, I’m holding Jo’s boyfriend’s cock in my hand, stroking it slowly, and thinking about all the other girls at school who would love to be where I am right now. Screw it I think, and push his underwear down and it ends up on the floor as we keep kissing and now I am very aware that there is only a thin bit of cotton keeping him out of me. He adjusts his position, and my legs open further as we keep kissing. I feel him pressing against me and I know at this point it’s going to happen, no matter how much I might try and pretend to myself I don’t want this, I really do want this, and we both know we want this. I can feel the pressure in my own thong as I strain to get fully hard to match Martin, but trapped and driving me even crazier as he presses against me, trying to get past the cotton barrier.

It’s too much for me and I finally say it, “Please get some lube.” He smiles at me and reaches across to small table and opens a draw. Wow, I think. This isn’t KY jelly anymore but something I’ve never felt brave enough to buy, real lube. I take it from his hand and start putting it on him. He goes to pull my thong down, but I shake my head and he knows I just want it pulled to the side, so he kneels up with his slick hard penis pointing at me and I see it properly for the first time and feel scared. Martin takes the lube from me, puts some on a finger and pulls my thong to one side as he fingers me slowly. My eyes roll back into my head as he works me gently, first with one, then two and finally three fingers. I can feel him touching somewhere and I am on fire and I think he senses it and his fingers come out of me and I am desperate for him to put something, anything in me. He kisses me and I feel him working to find the hole his dick is trying to find, so I reach down and guide him to where we both need him to be. I gasp as he pushes in and feel myself open for him. He is big, much bigger than I am used to, so he goes slowly, sensing both my lust and my pain, so he is in me, moving gently and leans down to kiss me. I start to relax as he slowly moves into me as my body relaxes and he is in. I have never felt so full, so held open and so happy as this moment.

We made love on the sofa in the flat he shares with his girlfriend, my friend and also my drama teacher as my English teacher is in me. I felt no guilt, I felt wanted for who I was rather than wanted for being someone who will have sex with them. As we both started getting close to orgasm I was hoping we would both cum together to feel it, but he made me cum just before I felt him cumming inside me. He thrust fully in me and we kissed as he came. I opened my eyes to look at him and see him cumming, but in the doorway looking at us was Jo. My world crumbled as I could feel Martin cumming in me. From where she was standing she would see him going into me. Once he finished and relaxed and was kissing my neck and I was looking Jo in the eye while her boyfriend was in me. There was no expression on her face as she looked and finally Martin looked at me, saw my expression and then Jo said, “Well that looks like you are both having fun.” It made Martin jump which made him go even deeper into me which made me moan and made Jo laugh.

Oh no, oh no, oh no was all I kept thinking this is horrible. Why do I keep getting caught while having sex? Jo walked across the room and knelt down next to us, her face inches from both of us. Still her expression was blank and still Martin was in me. Suddenly she started to laugh and so did Martin, with each roll of his body twitching him inside me and I couldn’t help it but I moaned again. Martin gave me a kiss, and Jo said she’s not mad, she knew he fancied me after the first visit but neither knew if anything would happen, especially with one of their pupils. She then said to me, “He’s good, isn’t he?” I could only nod. She gave Martin a kiss which I fought was funny as he was still inside me, I was still on my back with my legs spread under him and it was just so silly. She smiled and gave me a quick peck on the cheek and said she would get us both a drink. Martin told me to wrap my arms and legs around him and he started to stand up, still in me and while not as rigid as before, still quite hard. I was worried I would push him out and his cum would drip on their carpet, but he held me very close and carried to their kitchen area and sat my bum on the stool. Jo smiled at me as she handed me a can of coke and said, “The seat is exactly the right height, isn’t it?” I blushed and tried to bury my head in Martin’s chest, just feeling so embarrassed about this. It was even weirder sitting there with him in me still, moving back and forth in me slowly as we talked about what happened. We all promised not to tell anyone, as this had just got very serious, so we did a three-way pinkie swear to tell no one, ever. Plus, they pointed out, if no one knows then this can carry on, when someone knows it is all over for each of us in the worst way possible.

We carried on chatting away, with Martin still not pulling out of me and when I asked why he hadn’t yet, he just said he wanted me to get used to him so each time will be amazing for both of us. I gave him a kiss and my eyes then went wide. I looked at Jo and she asked if I was alright. “Yes, I just wasn’t expecting to feel this right now.” I told her. “You mean happy?” she asked, and Martin said, “No, I’m getting fully hard again.” Jo laughed and I started to as well, and Martin looked like he was heaven as I felt myself tighten up around him and he literally sprung to full hardness in me. I kissed him then and felt him pick me up again. Jo went and sat down as he took me to the bedroom, and I went to bed with him.

When we both walked back into the living room, I was embarrassed again as my clothes were now over the back of a chair, so I got dressed as we all chatted. Jo told me a bit more about the play and the plan for the next couple of weeks and was really pleased that the Pink Lady’s were being friendly to me. When I finally got changed to go home I saw how much a mess my makeup was after a huge amount of sex and I could feel some of Martin’s cum running down my leg inside my trousers and I have to admit I loved every second of the walk!

---------------

Monday at school was fun, everyone knew what I was doing in the show, but the other Pink Lady’s were looking after me. Steve was being a bit distant again, despite us managing to meet up the day before. Come lunchtime we had the first show meeting where Miss Reeves explained what was expected of us, that we were meant to be taking seriously and she has no problem kicking anyone out of the show if they didn’t behave not just for her but everyone. Jo handed out pages to everyone by calling out our character names and when she called Marty I got up and walked across. “Stop.” I stopped and looked at Miss Reeves looked at me and said, “You need to wear the heels every time you are in here for rehearsals. Put them on.” I walked back to my bag with everyone watching me, and sheepishly took them out of my bag, along with the tights socks. I took my shoes and socks off, put the tights socks on and slipped on the heels and stood up. I walked across to her, but not like a girl, more like a boy wearing heels. As she handed me my pages, she said, “Ok, but you need to work more on how you should be walking. Sarah, can you help him please?” Sarah got up as I got back and we went to the other end of the drama studio and gave me some lessons in how to walk in heels. I needed to make it look like I was slowly getting better, but every so often she was directing me and saying I was getting it. Twenty minutes later we walked back to the rest of the group and I was walking like a girl in them as we both sat down with the other Pink Lady’s. I then pulled my legs together and crossed them and each of us was sitting there in the same pose. Miss Reeves looked across and smiled at us as the background characters left and the last half hour was the Pink Lady’s and T Birds as Miss Reeves explained that we were expected to be at every rehearsal as there would always be something for us to do.

When it came time to go to our next lessons, I accidently on purpose forgot I was wearing the heels and walked out the drama studio and into the corridor with the Pink Lady’s. A few more steps and the very distinct sound of my heels in the corridor. I looked at them and each smiled at me, and Jodie said, “Honey, own it.” So, I did, and they walked me to my next class. Once in there I did change my shoes but saw no reason to put my socks on. After the last lesson I made my way over to the studio and slipped my heels on as soon as I was through the door, and we all rehearsed the first scene with our pages and Miss Reeves reading out any other character. We also had to perform a scene with our on-stage partners to see how we behaved together, and while my ‘Sonny’ was a bit nervous, Miss Reeves pointed out to him that the most he would have to do is hold my hand so don’t worry. We did ok, it was a bit awkward for both of us, but we got through it and we both felt relieved. We did have to hold hands on stage in the scene, but as we both had to say ‘I love you’ several times it helped us both get over the weirdness of him needing to say that to a boy in heels. When we had all finished Miss Reeves suggested that we make we sure we get together whenever we can, in pairs or more to work on our parts and to make sure we started learning all the lines. We all walked out together, and I kept my heels on and walked as far as I could until I needed to take them off, with Sarah holding my arm as I changed them. At home, my calves really ached and both mum and my sister thought it was hilarious saying now I should understand why women are always complaining about their feet at the end of the day.

Tuesday after the rehearsal, Miss Reeves asked me to hang back for a minute to chat, and I did wonder if she was going to give me a lift to hers so we could work out and that was why. It wasn’t. She told me I wouldn’t be able to do that during the week for a while now, but that tomorrow she was going to get me to wear a wig in rehearsal and the day after was going to give take me into the store and give me a bra as well. She then surprised me by saying on Saturday while I was a busy with Martin, she had got the next size up of chicken fillets and they were in the store ready. So the next day at lunch time rehearsal I was given a wig to wear to ‘help the others visualise me better’ and the day after at lunch time a bra was added with my boobs in them. By Friday I had decided it was too much of an annoyance to take the bra off between rehearsals, so I left it on. By Wednesday the next week I left the chicken fillets in as well, but not the wig as it just looked a bit silly coming out of the store each day. I even walked home in the bra and left it on when mum came home. She noticed it straight away and told me that most women can’t wait to take them but did compliment me on my improved posture. On Saturday I told mum I was meeting up with one of the Pink Ladies, put my bra and thong on, a pair of jeans and carried my heels downstairs. She saw me carrying them and told me to put them in bag, and I pointed out I was going to do that and headed over to Jo and Martin’s. When I got there, I headed off to get changed and came out to Jo sitting at a table working on a model of the stage and clearly very busy. Martin looked at me, smiled and said, “Come on, let’s get out of the way.” And we headed to the kitchen, then as we were told we were making too much noise we moved to the bedroom. Jo then had to come in and ask us to have sex a lot quieter please, so we kept the moaning down as much as possible. Today I managed to give him a blow job, I’m not sure I was very good as I couldn’t get more than half in my mouth as he was so much bigger than Steve, but he came and I swallowed so I guess it worked out ok.

At the end of the day after I had cleaned up, Jo did drive me most of the way home and apologise for us not spending a lot of time together today, but I understood and we hugged. The next day I really was meeting up with the Pink Lady’s at Sarah’s house and her mum and dad kept telling me how brave I was as I sat there in my heels and bra. Her dad owned a hairdressers’ and asked me what I was doing with my hair. I explained about the wig and he offered to give me hair extensions as he was going to helping for the show anyway. I said I would need to think about it, but he said it wasn’t a problem at all, and would be a lot more comfortable. The girls all wanted me to do it, and I knew I did as well, but I hoped that didn’t show. We were meant to go over some lines, but in fact we ended up just having a sing along to the film and playing our parts. I mentioned to my mum the offer of hair extensions and she wasn’t against it, in fact she said it made sense but was worried about me being bullied. “Mum! Everyone is looking after me and making sure I am never alone and always near a teacher. I can see the looks and feel them judging me, but I want to try this as I may never get a chance to try something like this again.” She gave me a hug and said she was ok with it, so long as I was fully aware of the risks I faced.

The next week at school was pretty much the same, but Steve was definitely being off with me. Well screw him, just because he hasn’t been laid for a week, he will have to get over it. Besides, I knew we would have Wednesday evening together if he wanted it as both my mum and sister were going to be out. When I managed to tell him this, he looked at me and said ok, but not if he was going to come round or not. In rehearsal I told Sarah that mum was ok with me getting extensions and she said she would speak to her dad but asked for a small clipping of my hair to match the colour. I was worried she was going to take a huge chunk, but it was only a little so biggie. The week went along like before and I don’t know if people were getting used to me walking around the school in heels and a bra or not, but I still hadn’t faced any problems other than looks. On Wednesday evening I wasn’t sure if Steve would turn up, so I kept my heels and bra on as the pizza arrived and the delivery guy called me ‘miss’ which I thought was nice. And then Steve walked to the door right behind him, and almost snuck inside trying to hide his face. He wasn’t very talkative with me, in fact, he was a little rough and clearly needed to get off and used me to do it. I went to kiss him and after a quick peck on the lips, he pushed down and to my knees to give him a blow job. He didn’t last very long but it was clear he needed it and we shared the pizza. Once it was over it I tried to snuggle up to him but it was clear he wanted to get inside me and after very little foreplay, I was bent over the table and he was thrusting in me. It was still nice, but I was being used and I let him use me as I didn’t want to lose him. After he had finished and we cleaned up, he then gave me a hug, a quick kiss and said he had to go, leaving me there feeling really used, but I wasn’t going to let him know that his behaviour had hurt me. I almost cried myself to sleep at feeling so used.

I was as over it as I could be the next day at school and when I saw Steve I tried to act as we normally did but he was still a bit cold towards me. Fine, at least I have a real man who wants to have me and treat me like a woman! The week carried on and this Saturday I was going to meet up with the Pink Lady’s in the afternoon to rehearse a bit and then go out in the evening to see a film together. My visit with Jo and Martin on Saturday was shorter than usual and included me rushing to get cleaned up to meet the girls. This time we really did rehearse at Sarah’s learning our parts for Summer Lovin’ and the talking parts before and after. At four we headed out for the film but instead stopped in at her parent’s hairdressers, I thought just to say hi and Sarah to get some money. Instead, her dad asked me if I was ready, and then it was sprung on me, it was time to get the extensions. I thought this would happen much later, but the girls said they agreed I should get used to it now. So I sat in the chair for an hour or so, as they were fitted and it was explained to me they should last until the show if I look after them and that new ones would be put in the week before the show. We then headed back to Sarah’s house with my new long hair coming down just below my shoulders. I had to keep tucking it behind my ear as we walked to keep it out of my face but other than a bit of tightness, it was a lot more comfortable than wearing a wig and a lot less hot as well. I had thought we were going to the cinema but instead we watched all watched a film together as the girls taught me even more about hair to look after my hair. When I got home mum thought it was funny it was sprung on me, but that Sarah’s parent had called her and talked about it. Sleeping with long hair was weird, and in the morning it took me a while to brush out the tangles.

Sunday I was at home, rehearsing by myself with the CD we had been given and doing my homework. I hadn’t done any during the week so had a bit to catch up on so just did some singing and dancing to give myself a break from the books.

Monday for school I brushed it out and put it in a ponytail, but when I met up with Nicola on the way she loved my hair. I think I got a lot more looks and Martin, I mean Mr Christian snuck a wink at me in the hall which just made me blush every time I thought about it. Lunchtime rehearsal, it was suggested I tie the ponytail higher up on the back of my head and I really liked the way I could feel it swinging about. For one of my scenes, Miss Reeves suggested I let it down so I could play with it, and it definitely made me feel more feminine and Jodie told me after it really looked like I was flirting with the stand in for Vince Fontaine and just looked amazing when I looked up at him. I put the ponytail high up again for the afternoon and walked through the school in my heels and bra with the girls truly feeling like one of them for once. On the way to the evening rehearsal, Sarah and Kim took me to one side and on the way said to me, “You really need this.” And they both started to put eyeliner and mascara on me. One again I let my hair down and in the scene with Vince Fontaine I really felt a lot better and Miss Reeves and everyone said it looked like I was starting to get into the role now and that whatever I was doing I should keep up. Miss Reeves came over to the Pink Lady’s and asked them if it was their idea to give me some makeup, and when they said it was said, ok, teach him how to do makeup so she can do her own for the show. I loved how she mixed up the pronouns! On Tuesday at lunchtime rehearsal, they once again did my eyes and gave me my own eyeliner pencil and mascara and I didn’t bother taking it off for the afternoon. I didn’t care, people knew I was in the show, and I even kept my heels on in class and sat by the side during PE wearing them, playing with my hair while the boys did sport stuff. At least Steve was looking at me more now, even if he was basically ignoring me.

That evening rehearsal was the first time I went to the storeroom and changed into a skirt for the session. It was the girls idea and wasn’t a costume skirt, but a discarded school uniform skirt. I suspect that Jo had picked it up at a charity store as it just happened to be my size. Strangely, this rehearsal us and the T Birds didn’t have much to do as it was making sure the background chorus knew what we were doing so they could learn their parts, so I spent most of it sitting down with the girls. They were teaching me how to move in one, how to sit in one and so on. We went out to the toilets and as we got there, I suddenly remembered what I was wearing and didn’t want to go into the boys toilet. I knew the school was empty, but I knew dressed and looking like I did it just wouldn’t be safe for me. Jodie saw me hesitate and took my arm saying, “Come on, Pink Lady’s do everything together!” And with that I went into the girls toilet with them. There were four stalls and we each took one. I lifted my skirt, dropped my knickers and sat down to pee. I was glad I decided to not to wear a thong today, if the girls had noticed I think I would have died. I wiped when I finished and went out t join the girls, making sure my skirt wasn’t tucked into my knickers as instructed and joined them at the mirror as I washed my hands, then copied them touching up my makeup. Sarah looked at me and said, “See, that was no big deal.” As we walked back, this time we all went into Pink Lady mode and really worked it, and Mr Christian walked out of the staffroom. He laughed when he saw us and told us not to keep Miss Reeves waiting and the other girls went really shy around him, and I realised they all fancied the man who has been fucking me! Now that made me feel really good. The next day at lunch rehearsal, I once again went into the skirt and did my makeup. The session went really well and I was mainly dancing along with a little back up singing, but it was so much more fun being much more in role. Of course during a break I needed a pee and Jodie noticed and said, come on, we’ll go together. So in a skirt, with my hair down, makeup and a bra we walked out into the corridor and to the girls toilet. I walked in with her and I’m not sure if anyone noticed it was me, but I felt like everyone was looking. Jodie really helped to keep me calm and said it was no big deal, this is a role you’re playing, be Marty. So we went in, got in the stall and while I was peeing some other girls came and talked about Mr Christian and how much they fancied him, how they were trying to work out if the bulge in his pants was all him. I was literally dying but couldn’t keep hiding in there as I had heard Jodie finish, so I had to go out. I smoothed my skirt, opened the door and the other two girls looked at me in the mirror. One instantly knew who I was and whispered in her friends ear and just said “Really?” She looked at me as I touched up my mascara next to Jodie and finally the girl asked me. “Are you the boy playing the girl in the show?” I mumbled a yes and saw Jodie giving me the eye saying, ‘be Marty’, so I straitened myself out and look at her and said, “Yes, I am. Why?” She looked me up and down and said, “Ok. I like your hair, but you really need to get a better skirt for school, that is so old.” I looked at what she was wearing, and yeah, mine was nothing like what she was wearing. Hers was shorter and tighter, mine was longer and more flared. I had noticed, but beggars can’t be chooser they say. The other girl didn’t look impressed I was in there, so I turned to Jodie and asked her, “I’m really glad I don’t have to kiss him in the show, I would die with everyone watching me.” Jodie caught up very quickly and said, “But he is really cute, you said so yourself that you could fancy him, and that stage kiss you did was something else!” The other girls left us and we both giggled away when the door opened and another girl came in as we made our way back. I wasn’t brave enough to keep the skirt on in the afternoon but wore it again that evening. The next day Jodie handed me a carrier bag with a smile when I arrived at school and when I looked in there was a more recent skirt for me to wear. I took her to one side and hugged her, and I felt even better at lunchtime and we even had a little walk around the school when we had a short break. All the Pink Lady’s told me I may as well wear it in the afternoon as what was the point in changing back as it only takes more time. Kim had a spare pair of uniform tights she gave me and while I was tempted, I just couldn’t. But in the evening the four of us went to Miss Reeves and before I even opened my mouth, they all starting talking at the same time. Miss Reeve held up her hand and said, “Stop! One at a time please and be quick, we have a lot to do.” They all looked at me, but I couldn’t speak, so Sarah as our unofficial leader said it. “We think it would be easier if he stopped changing back for forth in the afternoon and just wore the skirt for the rest of the day.” Miss Reeves looked at them all and me. I looked back both pleading her to say yes and also pleading her to say no. In the end she just said, “Let me think about this, I will need to talk to people.”

I changed to go home and when I got there mum asked to see my new school skirt. I just looked at her and she said, “Miss Reeves told me that the other girls might be bullying you into wearing one in classes and we wanted to make sure they weren’t.” I told her that wasn’t it, it was just that it meant I lost time at the start of both rehearsals, and they were trying to help, plus it was really helping my performance. She asked how I felt about it and I told her about my walk around the school at lunchtime and that although I got a few looks, it probably had more to do with them not me seeing before. She said she would think about it.

In the morning mum handed me a letter to give to Miss Reeves before lessons and told me to have enjoy my day. As usual I got changed in the storeroom and Miss Reeves had a quick word with me as I came out of the room. “You can leave your trousers in there and pick them up at the end of the day if you like.” And she gave me a quick wink. I looked at her and she nodded and told me to tell the other girls. They all squealed in delight, and I found myself joining in until we were told to be quiet. At the end of the session, Miss Reeves called everyone together and reminded them of her rules. She also said that I would from now on in the afternoon be presenting as a girl as it was easier than changing back and slowing everyone down, they were to report any bullying of me for it, and generally be nice and that the whole cast needed to look out for me as that is what theatre people do. I could feel my ears burning bright red as I sat there on the floor, trying to keep my skirt from showing my knickers. She then said something that really surprised me. “And finally, I spoke to our Marty and we agreed we can’t call her D_____, so when she is dressed like this I expect everyone to call her Amy. There isn’t another Amy in the cast, and I felt like it was the easiest name to use. So everyone say hello to Amy.”

There was a chorus of hello’s and people saying Amy and it truly felt wonderful. The pink Ladies walked me to my next class and I felt very nervous. They each hugged me before I opened the door, and when I walked in everyone stopped to look at me. The teacher gave me a nod and I took my seat next to Steve, who was sitting there wide eyed. I think he wanted to get away from me, but I had already seen he had an erection, so it wasn’t going to happen. The teacher then spoke to everyone in the class, literally repeating what Miss Reeves had said. He then reminded me that he understood I was wearing those shoes for the show, but I would need more suitable shoes if this will be the norm from now on. I said, “Yes sir” in my girl voice which I think surprised everyone. Everything in class settled down after that and Steve was still not talking to me, but he also couldn’t stop looking at my legs. I decided to tease him and let the skirt ride up and talked to him like normal until he could see my pants with the little hearts showing clearly through the tights. I waited till he had a good look, apologised, and pulled it down hiding them. We were pretty much at the back of the class and I thought, ok, see if you can keep ignoring me, so I put my hand in his lap, and just gently stroked his erection in class. I wanted him to suffer and made sure he stayed hard all through class, and while I only got single words out of him, I never got any of our usual banter. Mind you, I was teasing him a lot. When the lesson finished, I got up and left him saying I would see him later and walked out, leaving him there suffering and trying to hide it. In the break, Nicola was waiting for me and gave me a huge hug, saying that they had been told about me and everyone was under threat of severe punishment if they did anything to me. I felt really touched and Miss Reeves must had done some good work with all the teachers.

When I got to PE, ready to sit on the sides as usual with the others who for whatever reason don’t take part, the PE teacher stopped me and said I would be too much of a distraction, so I can sit in the girls PE lesson. I spun on my heel, really proud at myself for doing that and walked back to the where the girls were. The girls PE teacher smiled at me and said it was nice of me to join them, showed me where I could sit, and whispered that I could use the toilets in the girls changing room while they were in the lesson if I needed it. During the lesson the girls played Netball and the teacher told me what they were doing, let me know some of the rules and when the girls went to get changed told me a bit more about what had been agreed. The teachers knew I had already used the girls toilet and while it wasn’t a big deal as no one had complained, she said if someone does I will have to come to the teacher’s lounge and asked to use theirs. Jo was really looking out for me. After the end of day rehearsal, I did get changed back to go home.

The next day, the Pink Lady’s and Nicola were disappointed that I started the day as a boy but I pointed out that it might freak a few people out if I did that. After school I decided it was too much hassle to change back and wanted to just go home in my skirt, but Miss Reeves pulled me to one side before I left. She pointed out I was wearing heels and had great legs and probably wasn’t used to men looking at me the way they were going to and asked me to be careful and not walk too far, so I got the bus. Yes, I definitely felt a lot of men on their way home from work looking at the schoolgirl in the short tight skirt in high heels and it felt horrible! The man I sat next to one the bus was openly looking at my legs and I realised he was playing with himself under his jacket as he looked at me! Gross, he must have been in his 50’s and I felt a bit dirty over the whole thing. When I got in, mum was home and could see I was a bit upset, and eventually I told her about the bus and the man. She looked at me and said, “Ok, no more heels on the way home, lets go shopping.” And she picked up her bag, handed me one of Bev’s jacket’s and we went to get a more suitable pair of shoes for school. I wore them home and felt at least now I will fit in with the girls. They may not have been as cute as the heels or as nice as the ankle boots I really wanted, but I knew what I was going to do in the morning. Tomorrow I would go to school as a girl for the entire day.

“Ok, no more heels on the way home, let's go shopping.” And she picked up her bag, handed me one of Bev’s jacket’s and we went to get a more suitable pair of shoes for school. I wore them home and felt at least now I will fit in with the girls. They may not have been as cute as the heels or as nice as the ankle boots I really wanted, but I knew what I was going to do in the morning. Tomorrow I would go to school as a girl for the entire day.

The next day I got up early to get ready and mum was surprised when I came down in the skirt and my hair down, wearing some light makeup. She looked at me and asked with her eyes if I was sure. “Mum, everyone knows, everyone has seen me, and this saves time!” She looked at me again and then asked why I had got up earlier than usual to make sure my hair and makeup was perfect if it saves time. I had a little sulk and mumbled, “You know what I mean.” And she looked at me, gave me a hug and said, “You are just like your sister, and I had forgotten what it’s like having a young teen girl going to school. Be safe.” And she kissed me on the top of my head and left for work. I finished my breakfast and with my new shoes felt I could walk in as I felt like I wasn’t really ready to get the bus after yesterday. I bumped into Steve on the way and this time he did talk to me. We had a mini argument about why he wasn’t talking to me anymore and finally I found out was going on. He was a bit freaked about me taking the role and people had been winding him up calling me his girlfriend and then when he saw me strutting around with the girls’ he was annoyed I wasn’t with him, but also didn’t want me near him to avoid the name calling. I got him to agree to not be a shit towards to me anymore and that I wouldn’t spend as much time with him as before, but I hoped we could go back to normal once the show had finished, and I started to walk faster than him with my arms as crossed. I was annoyed. He caught up with me and said, “Look, you know what school is like, but you know, can we still…?” I stopped and looked at him. He wanted to ignore me but still get laid! Men!

I was furious when I got to school and it took the excitement of the Pink Lady’s at seeing me to cheer me up. I almost forgot about Steve until I saw him later. Lessons and rehearsals all went as usual and other than looks and the odd comment nothing special happened. Nicola did catch up with me and gave me a message from Steve that he was sorry and hoped we could make it up somehow. I told her what had happened with him, and she gave me hug and told me that he just needed to calm down and ignore what they were saying, and it would all calm down soon. The next day was Saturday and after seeing Mr Christian a few times during the week, I was really looking forward to seeing Martin in the morning and the Pink Ladies in the afternoon. I borrowed some clothes from Bev and after breakfast made my way over as usual. When Martin opened the door he looked at me and just said wow! I was wearing a denim mini skirt, a sleeveless top that showed a little of my stomach and the boots I had brought when I went shopping with Bev. He scooped me up, we said hi to Jo and he carried me straight to the bedroom. After making love, we chatted about all sorts of things, and I told him about Steve. Martin was amazing and brought Jo in to give me advice. Basically, they said I was being a bit of a bitch for not thinking of his feelings as I had changed in public, but he might not be ready to do that so I should give the space he needs. After leaving to meet up with the girls at Sarah’s, I stopped to call Steve. I used my boy voice and asked to speak to him, then once he was on the phone I went back to being Amy and told him I was sorry for what he was going through, but I will be here for him. He then wanted to see me, but I had to say not right now, the show must go on. He laughed! He finally became Steve again with me, even if only for a little bit, but I felt we might be able to save something. Just before I got to Sarah’s I had to rush into a public toilet as I felt Martin’s cum leaking out of me and running down my leg and couldn’t leet the girls see that!

They loved my outfit when I got there and did a few poses for them, and we did our rehearsals and chatted like girls. Sarah suggested I try a dress on to see how it looked and I took off my top and dropped my skirt. The girls suddenly went quiet, and I was worried that I was leaking more cum and asked them what was wrong. Kim said, “You’re wearing a thong!” And I said, “I know, I put it on.” And we giggled. They then asked me a few questions one of which is why I have a flat front, so I explained about tucking and what I had done and how the thong holds everything in place really well. They asked if I ever wear them at school and I admitted that sometimes I do, but mostly it’s just boring pants with little hearts on as I was worried about boys trying to lift up my skirt. Sarah said, “Well that’s not a problem anymore with the tighter one is it. Come on get the dress on and let’s see how you look.” It was red bandage dress and really fitted me tightly. I absolutely loved it! It felt amazing on me and just felt really nice. Kim said, “You should wear that tomorrow as we’re going to club in the evening. They only sell soft drinks, but it will be a Pink Lady’s outing?” They all started asking me to go and I said I would need to ask my mum and Sarah said, “We have a phone.” So I made the call and mum was worried but I said it will be me and the girls and we will be very safe. She relented and agreed to me going, so after rehearsal here tomorrow, I was going on a girl’s night out.

Chatting with Bev in the morning, I borrowed one of her short denim skirt to go with a tee shirt and a her jacket, pointing out to me I really needed to get some more clothes and said she would take me some charity shops to get some good things, and a lot cheaper than anywhere else. I made my way round to Sarah’s, strutting my stuff in my ankle boots with the three inch heel. Ok, they were Bev’s really, but she was ok with it, but a car pulled up next to me and Kim was sitting the passenger seat with her dad driving, offering me a lift. I jumped in the back and realised I needed to do that as a girl as apart from flashing myself, it was also a bit hard with the heels and I almost fell over. With the girls, we practiced our dance moves and went over our lines, then stopped to have a quick snack and get ready. Kim and Jodie had brought their own makeup and clothes, and I just thought I would get changed into the dress and off we go. But the girls has other ideas, and it involved a full make over for me, starting with my eyebrows being shaped. They plucked at them really carefully and slowly, and it stung a bit but not too bad really. My makeup set was a cheap one from Argos but the girls had a much better selection and helped me find my colours, gave me some smoky eyes and I learnt a lot from them. There was a bit of work done on my hair. I really liked it being straight, but they took some curling tongs to it and gave it a really nice shape, I guess Sarah being the daughter of two hairdressers helps you to learn a lot about hair. Then it was time for us all to get dressed and it felt strange as we all stripped down to our underwear in the room, but Jodie pointed out we are all girls here, so not biggie. Although my eyes did go wide when they changed their bras in front of me. I did look and said I was jealous of them having them as it would be so much easier for me rather than needing the inserts, which then led to us comparing how I felt to them, talking about the size of our boobs and there was nothing felt sexual about it all.

Once we were ready, we headed downstairs and Sarah’s mum told me I looked very pretty and to enjoy my first girl’s night out and we went out to the people carrier and she gave us a lift to the club. As we got close it was already clear there were lots of other teens like us, queuing up waiting for the doors to open so we had three hours of pretending we were older and clubbing for real, but for us it was only from six till nine. We joined the queue and I think I only recognised a couple of kids from our school, but with so many of us in the queue it was hard to tell. Giggling and chatting excitedly the queue started to move forward and we finally paid to get in. We went to bar and finally managed to get a glass of diet coke and we drank them through a straw before we hit the dance floor. I had so much fun, dancing with the girls and having the odd boy here and there try to dance with us, but we were a group, and no one messed with us on the floor! I’ve no idea how long we danced, but we headed to the toilets and stood in the queue with the other girls and finally got in, and it was a lot nicer in there than I expected, but really busy. Finally, it was our turn and two stalls became free and I told Sarah to go first but she took my hand and we both went in one together while Jodie and Kim went in the other. Sarah wiped down the seat, lifted her skirt and pulled down her underwear as she sat down and peed, never once stopping talking to me. She wiped and stood up and it was my turn. She had wiped the seat, so I didn’t, and I pulled up my dress and lowered my thong as I sat down. We kept talking as I peed, took some paper and wiped myself, then realised I had a problem. I would need to tuck again and there was no way that Sarah wouldn’t see what I was doing, so I mouthed a ‘sorry’ to her, stood up and sorted my tuck with Sarah watching me as we talked. I then pulled up my thong and made sure I was secure as I lowered my dress and smoothed it out. She looked at me and gave me a hug whispering in my ear it was ok, she wouldn’t say anything about it.

Back in the club we had got another diet coke and were standing at the side when two boys I didn’t recognise came over and asked me and Kim to dance. I looked at them and Kim instantly said yes to her boy and after looking at Sarah and Jodie, I nodded to the boy and he took my hand as we walked to the dance floor. It was no big deal really, just dancing with him and asking a few questions, my name, where I go to school and so on. After a couple of songs, we stopped dancing and he went to buy me a drink. I was going to walk back to the other girls but couldn’t see them so I stayed with the boy. I thought it made sense to go back to where the girls had been standing against the wall and he chatted to me and when I put my glass down I noticed it looked like he had an erection. What was it with me giving boys erections all the time! Anyway, we chatted for a bit more and he was moving closer and before I knew it, his hands was on my hip and was slowly stroking me. It was a clumsy attempt at foreplay or trying to turn me on, but it was all new to me so I let him carry on. When was really close to me, he leant down to put his glass on the floor and he kissed my leg. I was so surprised I barely moved, so as he stood up he kissed my hip, my stomach, between my boobs, then my neck and it didn’t take an expert to know where he will kiss me next. And that is how the girls found me, making out with this boy whose name I couldn’t even remember with his erection pressing against my stomach and with one leg lifted up and his hand trying to get up the dress and to feel my bum. I looked at them and blushed, but the boy pulled me back into the kiss and I was enjoying it, feeling him rub against me.

I managed to stop him and asked him to get me another drink, and I chatted with the girls as much as was possible in a club with loud music. None of them had an issue with what they saw, and pointed out as far as they were concerned, I was a girl so get over it, and carry on! I danced with the boy a few more times, kissed him a lot more and the slow dance with him was really nice, it felt so romantic. The night finished and I kissed him goodbye while Kim had a snog with her boy. Outside, everyone was making their own way in different directions, and other kids were getting picked up by parents. We were waiting for Sarah’s mum to pick us up and drop us at our houses and then she arrived and off we went, but this time I got in bum first, I had learnt my lesson. I was dropped off at home and opened the door wearing the red bandage dress. My mum saw it and after a chat about being appropriately dressed, she asked me I had had enjoyed myself. As I was leaving to get changed for bed, mum said, “Don’t forget to take your makeup off, although it looks like someone has already tried to remove your lipstick with their lips.” I looked in a mirror and yes, it looked like I had been kissing someone for quite a while. Mum never mentioned it again to me for weeks, but by then my life was already changing.

The next couple of weeks it all carried on as normal and I had a couple more girls night out, and regular sex with Martin and sometimes squeezing in a meeting with Steve, but about two weeks away from the show something awful happened to me. By this time no one was bothering me, sure, there were still looks and comments, but it seemed that everyone had accepted me, so I had no problem walking around the school by myself. I was walking along a corridor and there were only a few others there when suddenly I was grabbed and pushed to the floor, I felt hands grabbing me and suddenly an older boy, a real evil piece of shit was lifting me up and pushed me against the wall, his face right in mine and I was really scared. Unless someone walked right past us, in the little alcove we were in no one would see us. He said, “You’re just a little prick tease, aren’t you? Walking around here like a big deal and thinking everyone has forgotten who you are. Well, I’m going to show what it really means to be a girl!” and I felt his hands going up under my skirt, pulling at my tights and underwear, trying to get them down. I tried to struggle out of his grip and was about to scream, but he put his hand over my mouth and pushed my head back and it hurt a lot. I completely froze, not knowing what was going to happen to me as he got my underwear and tights down to my knees. I tried to keep my legs together to stop my tuck from coming undone, but he kicked my legs apart and I felt myself fall free, too scared to move. Now he was happy I was half naked and he started to take his own penis out. He was hard and pressing against me, he stroked it and stroked me down there at the same time and even though I had frozen in fear, my body reacted to his touch and I hated myself for it at that moment. Suddenly I was free and the boy was on the floor with his own erection pointing up and Mr Christian was standing in front of me, asking if I was ok, but I was still frozen in fear. Mr Christian started to lift my tights and underwear up for me, to help me cover up and I looked at my attacker, laying there knowing he was in big trouble as he put his deflating penis away. Mr Christian told him to get out of his sight, his parents will be called and probably the police as well and the boy run away. Mr Christian, no Martin gently took my still erect penis and gently put me in my underwear, but it wasn’t tucked and there was an obvious bulge. I fell into his arms and the tears came for the first time as he picked me up and carried me to the nurse’s office. I don’t know how long it was before my mum arrived, but Miss Reeves had already visited me and the Pink Lady’s were all there as well. At some point I must have tucked as my bulge had gone so I guessed the girls had made sure I sorted that out.

Mum took me to the doctors and on the way there I was more worried about missing rehearsal and she told me that Miss Reeves had said it was ok, and that Sarah, Kim and Jodie were coming to ours that night for a sleepover as they didn’t want to leave me alone and it was the only way she could get them to agree to go back to classes. The doctor didn’t even bat an eyelid as I walked in with mum, dressed as Amy. She asked how I wanted to be called and if I would like to have my records changed. I nodded. After being checked out physically for any damage, the doctor asked my mum to leave and we chatted for what seemed like an hour. She was amazing and made me feel much better about myself. I made her promise not to tell my mum about me dressing up before the agreeing to the show and when she asked if I was sexually active and I blushed, she just told me she lost her virginity when she was 13 and she wasn’t judging me. I never told her about Martin, but did tell her about Steve, and we chatted about if Amy was something I wanted to forever and it was at that moment I decided that I don’t care what anyone else thought, I like being Amy. She said that I would need some blood tests, but she would see what she could to help and I asked if that meant I would be able to get my own boobs and she laughed and gave me a hug, saying all in good time if that is what I want.

Once at home Bev had run me a bath and sat with me as I soaked to make sure I was ok. Strangely, as awful as the experience was, I felt ok as I had pretty much made my mind up that after the show I was going to carry on being Amy at school. I loved my friends and while I might not want to be an actor, I was loving the chance to do this. Once I put on fresh underwear and my PJ’s I went downstairs and the girls were all there, rushing over and giving me hug. The boy was expelled and there was talk of getting the police involved but I didn’t want that, I didn’t want to be in a courtroom and the boy was gone and apparently lived a fair bit away from me so I wouldn’t see him again. I wanted to move on. With the girls we watched a couple of movies, ate pizza and climbed into our sleeping bags. Before I went to class the next day I had to report to the nurses office and she asked me a lot of questions until she finally accepted I was ok and would come see her as soon as I felt I needed it. I made my way to class, taking a detour to where it happened so that I wouldn’t feel scared being there in the future. I stopped and looked at the little alcove and the floor where I last saw my attacker, laughing at the memory of him putting his small penis away while trying to stand up. There, I was a survivor, not a victim. The rest of the week carried on as normal and some of those people who had been giving the looks and making the comments had gone very quiet and kept their distance from me.

On Saturday morning, I arrived at Martin’s and Jo’s as usual and they both pulled me into their flat, hugging me at the time, asking over and over again if I was ok. Once they had calmed down, we sat together having a cup of tea and we chatted as I wanted things to be normal, so I told Jo to go back to work planning the show and I looked at Martin, putting a hand on his leg and said, “And we will do what we usually do.” As I kissed him. Jo and Martin shared a look, but he stood up when I did and we went to the bedroom. I kept kissing him trying to get him going, but he was more gentle than usual. When I stopped and started to sulk, he admitted he didn’t want to push me after what had happened to me, so I kissed him and said, “Martin, I want to thank you for being so kind to me and being very gentle with me as you put me back into my underwear.” I kissed him. “That was very sweet.” He said he knew he had to cover me up, but the official story was I had done it myself and it was only my tights pulled down as he wanted to protect me. We ended up laying down on the bed kissing but we didn’t have sex. I did give him a hand job as we kissed and for the first time, I let him lower my thong and he gave me a hand job as well. Afterwards he admitted he had never done that before, so I told him he had done a wonderful job and I felt very satisfied. A few weeks later when I asked about this visit, he told me that any man who doesn’t behave the way he did after I had a traumatic experience is someone I should instantly dump.

Rehearsal with the girls in the afternoon went on as usual, we had all talked it out on the sleepover, but today I found out that Sarah had tucked me as she knew I would be upset with a bulge showing. I was really surprised and asked how she knew what to do, and she pointed out she has been in the toilets with a few times now so has seen me do it. Which then became me showing Kim and Jodie as well in case something like this happened in the future, even though it was very unlikely. They were the first people I told about what happened in the doctors and my decision to carry on being me after the show. They were so excited and after calming down a bit they all agreed to not tell anyone until I did as I wasn’t quite ready yet. On Sunday I managed to meet up with Steve and he gave me what Martin was held back from me and I needed to feel someone inside me, feel their body move with mine and to feel them have the orgasm I made them give me. I felt truly satisfied as I left him and started to head to Jodie’s for our Pink Lady’s jacket fitting. I loved it and her mum said I looked better being one cup size up and had made the jacket for me that way just in case. After that, I went back with Sarah to hers, and her dad took my extensions out and fitted new ones. The next week we had dress rehearsals each session after school and wearing the pencil skirt, the big petticoats and fully made up with my hair pinned up felt amazing. The Saturday before show week we had a full-dress rehearsal in the afternoon and I arrived there right after Martin had finally relented and I felt very full, standing on stage in costume feeling that a part of him was still in me. And then I had a real surprise as he was doing the part of Vince Fontaine, the TV presenter that I had to flirt with and I’m standing there, on stage, with us flirting with each other and I could still feel his seed slowly leaking from me. We had a break for some food before doing another run through. I went for a walk by myself around the empty school thinking how strange it was with no one here. The teacher’s lounge was unlocked and I couldn’t resist going in to have a look and see what was in there. It looked very run down, chairs with the stuffing coming out of them, a few tables and a lot of dirty cups, a dirty kettle and a small fridge. The door opened behind and there was Martin, looking surprised so see me there. “You know you’re not meant to be in here?” He said, but he was smiling, so didn’t really mean it. As I walked around the room looking at bits and pieces, he said, “You know you look great in that skirt and all those petticoats.” I did my Princess Diana look again, and smiled coyly at him, swishing my skirt around. “It does feel nice.” I told him. We were slowly walking towards each other, and I finally asked him what I really wanted to know more than anything right now, “So, is anyone likely to come in here today?” He looked at me and shook his head slowly. “Does the door lock?” I asked. He looked at me and slowly walked back to door.

“Do you know, I think it does.” He said, as he slipped the lock in place. We walked towards each other, slowly at first and then getting faster until I threw myself at him and we started kissing, thankful I had picked up my handbag with my lipstick in it. I pushed him backwards into a chair and lifted my skirts up so I could straddle him as we kissed. I could feel him getting hard so I reached down and undid his trousers, taking Martin’s cock into my hand as he was running his hands up my stockings, over my bum and pulled my thong to the side. I grabbed my bag and took a small tube of lube out, quickly spread it on him and sat down on his cock, feeling it go as deep as I could get it in one go, riding him slowly, rolling around on his hips, feeling him swell and move in me as we kissed. We seemed to make love for hours, but it must have just been a few minutes till I felt him start to swell in me and get harder, pointing into me, so I pushed down onto him to get him as far in me as possible as he started to twitch in me over and over again. Finally, he seemed to stop so we sat there holding each other and just enjoying the moment. “Come on,” he said, “you need to get back.” I kissed him one more time, but even as I started to climb off him, I slid back down his length, just enjoying the last moments of him in me. I lifted myself of him and rearranged my thong, smoothing out my petticoats and skirt, and walked over to the mirror with my lipstick to repair it. There were some tissues on the table next to Martin and he used them to clean himself up and wipe the lipstick off himself when someone tried to open the door. A key went in the lock and it opened and there was Miss Reeves, looking at us and smiling. She smiled at us and said, “Somehow I expected to find you both in here. Martin, you need to look after the rehearsal while I take a quick break.” And she walked across to the staff toilet in the corner of the room while Martin gave me a kiss on the cheek and headed out.

I waited for Jo to come out and we sat down and chatted for a bit, she was telling me how proud of me she is, and also thanked me for keeping Martin happy while she has been so busy. I still sometimes felt really bad about what we were both doing and asked her about it, but she just shushed me and said if I was happy then she was happy. We both walked back to the drama studio and did another run through in the afternoon. Miss Reeves gave us all notes and said that the rehearsals during the week will now be spilt into complete scenes focussing on the bits that she said needed work. The day of the first show we would all be excused classes and do a final full rehearsal before the whole school came in to watch us, then in the evening it was another show for parents. On the Saturday we had one final evening show which is the one people are buying tickets for and the one we had to knock it out the park. We all felt ready, but more than that, I felt happy.

Previously......

We lay there embracing and kissing each other as he stayed hard inside me. “I needed that as much as you I think.” He whispered in my ear. I kissed him deeply in agreement as I wrapped my arms and legs around him to hold him tight, with my panties hanging off one ankle.

We both opened our eyes and looked to my open doorway and my sister was standing there.

“Errrr. Hi sis” I said.

----------------
Day off

Being caught by your sister with your boyfriend inside you is embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as it happening while you’re wearing all of her clothes and you sigh as he pulls out of you with her watching. Steve tried to cover up, but she saw his still hard penis. She smiled and said, “Well, who’s a lucky girl then?” I reached down and put my other still booted foot through the leg of my panties and pulled them up, tucking myself as best I could. Bev said we need to talk and headed to her room. Steve wanted to leave but I told him that would be worse, so we walked to her door, knocked and went in.

She looked at me and said at least I knocked this time and told us to sit down. The first thing she said was I could keep everything I was wearing and that in future I should ask if I wanted to borrow any of her clothes, but would need to get my own underwear. She then asked a few questions about the two of us, which were horrible to answer, but honesty was a better option now as it would be a lot less fun if she decided to fuck me!

After explaining about me and Steve, he had to leave and I needed to get changed. Bev helped me take off the makeup leaving no trace, then we talked a bit more about my dressing. I explained that I’d been borrowing her stuff for a while now, and we worked out a plan that I could borrow some things, but not others. “You’re my sister and you have to accept this. I will help you as much as I can, but at some point it’ll either need to stop or you’ll have to tell everyone.”

Neither of those options appealed to me right now. She made some space in her wardrobe where she would keep the stuff I could wear, and part of a drawer for my underwear, that way I could just put stuff in the wash and she would put it back in there and I wouldn’t need to worry. She even made some space for the wig, but as hidden as possible to make it easier for me, until I could do something better with my own hair.

-----

The next day our folks were out all day, so Bev took me shopping in mum’s car. I had to wear yesterdays underwear, which was a bit uncomfortable as I could still feel Steve’s cum in them where it leaked out me. I wore a pair of tights, jean skirt, the same jumper as Friday and this time one of her jackets that she let me borrow. Walking out the house on a Saturday morning dressed was nerve wracking, but I was quickly in the car and off we went. The drive to the next town took about an hour, and we went to a few shops, I picked up several pairs of pants and bras, a long wrap around satin skirt, a pair of jeans and a couple of tops. Being there with her was the first time I went into a girls toilet with another girl, and of course we just chatted away like any other girls in there. It was funny in a way, previously I’d always been really nervous when I went in them, but this time it actually felt natural.

Yesterday with Steve was different because he was being my boyfriend, and when we met Nicola that was more about explaining some of what was going on. This time I was just a girl with another girl hanging out for the day. I also really liked being checked out by guys; Bev told me to get used to it and just enjoy it when it happens but pointed out that sometimes you will hate it and feel threatened by them She pointed at my ankle boots and said, “How easy do you think it will be to run in those heels?” I took her point.

We went home about 1pm and sat in the kitchen together having lunch, and then sorted out my clothes for her wardrobe. I’d also picked up a pair of boots that I’d worn out the shop right after buying them, knee high and lace up, a three-inch heel that tapered to narrow point. They were much easier to walk in than the ankle boots, and they still made me feel sexy. I was hoping I wouldn’t be asked what happened to the £150 birthday money I’d been saving, but the risk was worth it.

Bev helped me for the rest of the day work out my make up looks, and we played around with my hair to see if anything could be done; if nothing else it would stop me being scared of it being pulled off by accident. With quite a bit of mousse and use of the hairdryer and brush we could give me a similar style to Shaznay Lewis from the girl group All Saints. After washing it all out, I tried to do it myself and it worked, sorta, but I figured even if I did it myself I could pull it off.

-----

Sunday was a homework day, but Monday at school I was a little nervous. I’d spoken to Steve a bit, but Michael and Nicola were a different matter. Turned out I had nothing to worry about. Michael didn’t mention it at all, and Nicola just said to me when we were alone how much she enjoyed the day and hoped we could hang out again. Wednesday evening she invited me round after school to do some homework with her, and as soon as we got in she said she’d put some old clothes aside for me if I wanted them. I thanked her and said I would arrange to pick them up with Bev as there was no way I could get the three bags of clothes in without questions being asked. I did ask if she had any old school uniform stuff I could have as I didn’t have enough. She looked at me confused, asking what I meant. I stood up and showed he the trousers I was wearing came from Top Shop, and that my shirt was actually a blouse.

Her jaw dropped when she realised and found a spare blouse for me to wear. The next day at school, I wore her old blouse, and as I was feeling really brave, one of my new thongs, the trousers with a side split and under the blouse one of Bev’s fitted white tee shirts, with her black trainers. I was even wearing a pair of her socks, with a pair of black tights on underneath. The only part of my uniform I wore that day was my tie and the jumper, but that was unisex anyway. I bumped into Steve near school and we went in together as normal. Just before we went in I told him I wasn’t wearing any of my clothes, and when he looked at my shoes and trousers he realised I was telling the truth. He checked no one was near us and asked, “Stockings?” I smiled and said he’d have to find out later.

Nicola spotted what I was wearing right away, but no one else did. At lunch-time Steve and me went to the big library near the school and headed for our usual hiding spot in the fire escape. It was really cool there as it was quiet, people rarely came in and the windows gave a great view of the city. This time we didn’t get to look out them, and it had barely registered with me that Steve had suggested we go here this time. Once through the doors we headed up the stairs and I felt his hand on my bum. So that’s why he wanted to come here I thought. I turned to face him in the first landing and he kissed me straight away, telling me how much he had to keep reminding himself not to call me Amy, how hard he had been all morning. I reached down and felt it, and he was rock solid; he moaned as I rubbed it and undid the zip reaching in and pulling him out.

We went up another flight of stairs, his penis pointing the way and I thought if anyone looks through the window they’ll have a treat, but less of one than I’m going to get. Once we were at the top we kissed again and I dropped to my knees, taking him in my mouth, licking and sucking at him, enjoying the harness, softness and warmth in my mouth. It didn’t take him long to come, and once again I swallowed it all. When I stood up I was about to get my bag to rinse my mouth out to kiss him, but he pulled me close and kissed me deeply. I don’t know if he could taste himself, but I felt like I loved him in that moment. We both sat down to look out the window and he put his arm around me, puling me close to him. I felt so protected at that moment as I rested my head on his shoulder. He rested a hand on leg and stroked my inner thigh and every now and then we would look at each other and kiss, never saying a word.

After what seemed like forever, I looked at him and said, “You never asked.” He just smiled and said ‘Why do you think I’ve been stroking your leg?” I nudged him in the ribs and pulled me closer. We ended up falling backwards and laughing, which became kissing and caressing. I felt him undoing the zip on my trousers and I never stopped him. We were in public, anyone could walk in on us. He pulled my trousers down as I undid his and pushed them down along with his boxers. He sprung free, hard and erect again. My trousers came down and I kicked my shoes off. I needed him in me badly right now, I wanted to feel him in me. He pulled my tights down, but when he got them to my calf’s, I lifted my legs and with my knees open I put them over his head and he climbed between my legs, laying on top of me and kissing, I had no idea if he had any lube with him, but I was so desperate for him to be in me I would have tried it without.

He grabbed his bag and pulled it over, taking something out while his erection was pressing against me. I was already pulling the thong to the side for him, but he moved away and knelt up. It was uncomfortable with the tights still on, but seeing his hardness there was a beautiful sight to see. He finally got whatever it was he wanted from his bag, and it was a small tube of lube. I took it from him, and started to squeeze some out, stroking him while coating him with it. As he lay back down on top of me, I wiped the excess lube on my legs and I felt him push against my hole. I opened up to accept him and he slowly pushed into me, kissing me as he did so.

Laying there on the fire escape staircase, with a window overlooking the city, he fucked me and I loved every second of him in me. Being stretched by him as he moved about in me, kissing me, tasting his tongue in my mouth as his cock was filling me. I felt so satisfied to be under him right now, so privileged to feel him in me, so close to him. He came inside me and kissed me as he did so. Feeling him expand and twitch inside me as he bred me. We lay there locked together as we came down from our high and heard a door open on a lower floor. I kept my legs wrapped around him and didn’t want him to move, this moment was too perfect, and I didn’t care if someone found us.

We listened to footsteps going up, then another door being opened and closed. I kissed him and released my grip on him as he slowly pulled out. Before I did anything, I grabbed my bag, took out some tissue and wiped the lube off his slowly deflating erection, then lifted my legs to let him move away. I rearranged my thong and stood up. As I bent down to pull the tights back up, I felt a bit of his cum seep out of me and into my thong, hoping that the tights would help hide it. Once my tights were up, I pulled my trousers up, zipped them and gave him a kiss. After waiting a bit to calm down, we headed back to school.

It was a shame that once there we couldn’t be honest about what had happened, and we had to change how we behaved towards each other. A couple of times I had to stop myself from kissing him, and he acted the same. In our final break of the day, I made sure we kept a bit of distance, and Nicola spoke to me about it. I confessed that we’d had sex lunchtime, and I told her where it happened. She was really interested in knowing the location and how to get there, so I guessed that Michael was going to get lucky there too at some point.

The next day at school I dressed pretty much the same, except I spent more time on my hair in the morning, trying to keep my usual style, but to give it a bit more body. I even put some mascara on, feeling very brave. I made sure that Steve knew about it, and this time I had prepared a bit better and managed to pick up some lube of my own. At lunchtime we headed to the library and I made sure he knew where we were going. We opened the door and inside was Nicola and Michael, making out. When I made eye contact with her, we both squealed in delight, knowing what each of us was here for.

Steve and Michael were embarrassed, but I thought screw it, the guys know, so lets just do it. I hugged Nicola and said, “It’s safer to go to the top.” I took Steve’s hand and started walking, hearing Nicola and Michael start to follow us. At the top I turned and kissed Steve, and with one hand I unzipped the trousers, letting them fall. I wanted them both to see what I was wearing today, and Steve got the message and started stroking my nylon covered bum and legs. I looked over and Nicola and Michael were kissing and his hand was up her skirt. I wondered how long it would take for him to start fingering her, and Steve started playing with my hole.

I wasn’t sure about having full sex in front of them, so I reached down and took Steve’s erection out his trousers, knelt down and started sucking him. Michael looked at us and we looked each other in the eye. I gave him a wink as I took more of Steve into my mouth making him moan. I watched Michael put his hands in Nicola’s panties and start to finger her. The experience of both of us having a sexual experience next to each other was quite a turn on for me and my tuck was struggling to hold itself. I watched Michael lay Nicola on the floor as he took her tights off with her panties in them. He then knelt between her legs, took his own penis out and Nicola handed him a condom. I felt a bit bad then as we’ve never used one, but then I can’t get pregnant.

Michael rolled it down his dick as quick as he could, then lay on top of her. At that point I knew I wanted Steve in me as well. I quickly pulled my tights down and stepped out of them, pulling Steve down on top of me. With all the salvia from sucking him, and too be honest I was too hot for him right now, I opened my legs, pulled my thong to the side and he was in me. I looked over at Nicola and she was watching us, smiling at me. We then both focused on our own guys and let them fuck away, occasionally looking at each other as we rocked back and forth from the action going on between our legs.

Steve didn’t need a lube cleaning this time, so he put himself away as I watched Michael take off the condom. He had no idea what to do with it, so I grabbed a tissue and held it out him, but he put the used condom in my hand. Me and Nicola just laughed as I wrapped it up and handed it back to him. As the guys tried to talk as if nothing had happened, Nicola and me put our tights back on.

“That was amazing!” I told her. She agreed, saying the first time they both had sex was at party on a bed with another couple next to them, and it reminded her of that. She told me that my mascara had run and lent me hers with a mirror to touch it up. The boys were chatting and occasionally looking back at us. We helped each other with our hair, and I realised that mine had gone a bit flat, but I could live with it. The rest of the day at school I had classes with Nicola so we sat together and I had to keep reminding myself not to be so girly in public, but at least for the first time, I now felt that I had a BFF I could be a girl with. I also realised that I had now seen another erection, and Bev was right, I am a lucky girl, but not by much. It also occurred to me that I had held another man’s cum, even if it was in his used condom.

It was just another Monday at the office, and I’d popped out for a cigarette. Sarah was there, she works on a different floor to me, but we’re smoking buddies, so I went over to chat. Sarah is drop dead gorgeous, and she told me about the new cosplay she was making. Like me she’s a geek, although I’ve only ever worn fancy dress for parties.

Her and Jane, her housemate, had been making Sucker Punch costumes for the London Comic Con. I couldn’t get tickets to go with them, although without a costume I may have looked out of place walking around with them.

Sarah showed me a couple of the photos of how far they had got, and then we started talking about other films. Back at my desk, John, who sat next to me ribbed me about Sarah. A lot of guys in the office fancy her, but I was her friend now, so although I could see how amazing she looked, I didn’t really think of her that way anymore. I did like winding him up a bit about the time we went to the beach together and she asked to put sun tan lotion on her. He could never think clearly after I described it to him.

Two days later when we were on a smoke break again, she asked me if I could go round that evening to see her and Jane. “Sure, shall I bring some wine?” I asked.

“Defo. I think we’ll need it.” She replied.

I rang her doorbell and she opened it in seconds. She was wearing some sweatpants and had her hair up. Thank god I wore mine. She invited me in and got some glasses. I could hear Jane upstairs moving stuff about and before long she came down. I sat in an armchair and they both sat on the floor in front of me, I couldn’t understand why they were both looking up at me.

Sarah said, “Jane has to go home, her mum isn’t very well.” I told her how sorry I was. I liked Jane, she was a blonde like me and we would always gang up on people when then called us dumb blondes. Jane explained it wasn’t anything super serious, she’d just broken a leg and arm in a fall and needed help so was going to look after her for a while, till she was better. She also said she was unlikely to come back as she had to quit her job.

I told her how much I would miss her and gave her a hug. As we separated, that’s when they told me the good news.

Jane said, “You can have my comic con tickets if you want?”

I looked at her in surprise. ‘Really?”

They both nodded at me. Then something occurred to me. “Wait, aren’t they in your name though?”

“Well,” Sarah said, “you’re quite skinny, and I’ve seen your legs, they’re really good. I was thinking you could be Jane. You should fit in her costume nicely.”

I think my jaw dropped. I’m not sure what I said, but they both launched into what must have been prepared the way they were finishing each other’s sentences. They told me how lots of guys go dressed as female characters and a lot of them are really convincing, how they could make me look really good and that it would be fun, and I’d just have to answer to the name Jane for a day instead of Andy.

I think I knew when they asked me that I would, but I let them talk for a while. When they stopped after about four minutes, I said ok, and laid out my conditions.

I said, “1, no one at work knows until afterwards. 2, if I look stupid I’m not doing it and 3, you’re not allowed to laugh at me.”

They instantly agreed, told me to finish the glass as it starts tonight. It was ten days to comic con. I was told to follow them upstairs and to get in the bath they had already run for me (did they know I would say yes?), even when I said I’d already showered that night.

‘Get in.” they both told me and left me to get undressed. Once encased in the bubble bath, they came back in, handed me a razor and told me to get to work. I started to shave my legs as they laid out the plans for the evening.

Two hours later sitting in the living room with them in a short skater skirt, and cropped t shirt covering my lingerie and hold up stocking (which were always on show to make me get used to it), wearing a pair of low heels and drinking wine. They told me that today was about getting used to the clothes, tomorrow would be makeup, and then the day after would be hair. They also talked about a potential bulge and showed me a couple of sites I could look at to learn how to hide it. They were going to pick up some blonde hair extensions for me that clip in. My hair wasn’t long enough to play Babydoll, but more than long enough for the extensions.

I was to stay at theirs on Friday night and then Saturday would be all day as pretend Jane so I could get used to the clothes and moving in them as a girl. They called in my training day. The whole thing felt exhausting and a couple of times at work I felt myself moving in a more feminine manner. I was constantly worried I would be caught out. It was on Friday evening Sarah told me that I had a slightly feminine way about me anyway, and that most people had thought I was gay until they saw me with my ex.

Friday evening they let me wear a more normal length skirt, denim one that came just above my knees and also tights for the first time. The breast forms had arrived as well during the day, bigger than the chicken fillets I had been using. When I put them in and pulled the skin on my chest up they gave me a real cleavage and moved quite nicely when I walked. I’d learnt about using makeup to enhance the cleavage and already I was getting better at putting on make up. Maybe it had something to do with putting it on and taking it off 30 times in an evening.

Now with the hair extensions, make up and boobs when I looked in the mirror I looked like a girl. Both Sarah and Jane had done wonders on me. Even my voice sounded more feminine as I’d been working on softening it as well.

I asked Sarah for a cigarette as I’d run out and she told me she had as well. Jane looked up from sorting out some of her packing and said, “Why don’t you both pop to the shop?”

I looked at them in horror - with a little suspicion as well, had they set this up? Anyway, they handed me a jacket, Sarah put hers on and I was bustled out of the door before I could really protest. It was dark, it was February after all and that made me feel a little safer, although the cold air up my skirt was a surprise. We walked along the road and Sarah just chatted to me, trying to get me to relax. That didn’t happen until we walked past a group of guys going the other way. They made a lot of comments about us, typical men after all, but none of them looked at me strangely. Well, I suppose them looking at me lustily was strange, but they accepted me as a young woman.

When we got to the shop I was suddenly a bit scared of the being in the light, but the door opened as someone came out. They held it open for us, and Sarah let me go first, the bitch! And when we got to the counter and asked what we wanted, Sarah’s phone rang, so she answered it, so I had to speak.

I ordered our cigarettes and he didn’t look at me funny or anything. Sarah hung up after I had paid for them and said thank you. I even told him to ‘enjoy his evening, hope it’s not too long’, and we left. Walking back I felt way more confident.

The next day I went shopping with them, I needed my own lingerie. I insisted we go much further away so we travelled to the next town. I have to say shopping as a girl is fun. No one treated me as anything other than a girl all day. I tried on loads of clothes in the changing rooms, and it was fun wearing things I had no intention of buying. I did buy some boots though. And a sweater dress. Sarah and Jane thought it was hilarious and that I was already turning into a girl buying things I wouldn’t wear.

When stopped for a coffee they told me I looked like I was enjoying myself.

“I am.” I said. I told them that the clothes felt much nicer than my normal clothes, and that this was fun and I knew I going to enjoying being Babydoll for the convention.

That evening I tried on the cosplay for the first time. Jane had made a few adjustments to it, her boobs were bigger. I only wore it for about an hour, and we just chatted and made the plan for next weekend. Tomorrow Jane was flying home and we were all a bit sad. Sarah was taking her to the airport really early, and I went along, but as me. It felt wrong to pretend to be her as I was saying goodbye. We were both sad and didn’t know if we would see her again, although we all promised to stay in touch.

As the week progressed I was getting more and more excited for the con, and on Friday I stayed at Sarah’s, but in Jane’s old bed this time. We woke up early on Saturday and got dressed in our cosplays. Once I had done my makeup Sarah checked it and was happy. She was dressed as Sweet Pea from the film so we matched. Sarah loaded a couple of bags into the car and we set off. There was no time to stop on the way there, and to be honest I didn’t want to go into a service station dressed so provocatively.

We parked the car, got our handbags, put the passes round our necks and walked in with everyone else. Quite a few were in costume as well, which made me feel a lot less self-conscious. Wearing a mini skirt with a deep slit that shows the bands of your knickers does that to a girl. Sarah stopped and she looked a bit sad as she said.

“I know your pass says Jane, but I don’t want to call you that today. We’ll say that you don’t like the name and use your middle name. Any ideas?”

I looked at her and couldn’t think of one. “How about Amy?” she said. “It has the same first letter?”

I agreed and that’s what I was called most of the day. It was a lot of fun; we looked at the stalls, went to a couple of the talks and had our photos taken loads of times. That’s when I learnt what for many girls is one of the worst things about conventions – the gropers!

Most of the time they are really ugly guys and it makes you feel a bit sleazy, but one guy really stood out from the rest. He was dressed as Wolverine and even I could tell he was hot! We had quite a few photos taken with him, and he even ran his hand up my leg and stroked my bum. Suddenly I was pleased I chose a thong that morning, even thought the skirt was so short. He wasn’t the first guy to have a feel, but he was the first I didn’t mind doing it.

Quite a few people stopped to take our photo and he used the time to slip a finger under the back of the thong and slide it down, pulling it out of the crack of my bum. I was worried about my tuck but it seemed ok, even though it was a bit of turn on to have such a hot guy come on to me this way.

What really surprised me though was when his fingers worked their way into the crack and gently stroked my hole. I looked at him and gave him a face, but not one saying to stop. Like I said, it was fun.

It was also a mistake as he gently put the tip of his finger in me, maybe only to the first joint, but it was definitely in me. And we carried on posing for pictures. Then someone pulled out a video camera and I stepped away and his finger slipped out of me. I did the sexy Babydoll dance while he did some Wolverine poses. Sarah knew from experience we would be there for hours if we didn’t stop posing for pictures so said we should get a coffee and Wolverine came along.

There was barely anywhere to sit, so Wolverine pulled me onto his lap and Sarah sat opposite. We all just chatted about the day and I felt his hand go back to my bum, and again into my thong. Now I was really worried that he would find out and he did. His finger brushed against the tip of my tucked penis, and he stopped moving. I looked him in the eye and slightly nodded a yes. He knew. Sarah was looking the other way and so I gave Wolverine (I can’t remember his name, shame on me) a sad look and mouthed the word ‘sorry’ to him.

Then he really surprised me, he gave a little shrug, gently stroked the tip of my penis and then put the tip of his finger gently in me. I whispered in his ear, “I’m not gay.” And he whispered back, ‘Neither am I.” as he started to work more of his finger into me.

There I am, dressed like that, sitting in a packed coffee area with a hot guy fingering me as I talked to Sarah and him as if nothing was happening. It was though and I was really turned on. The tuck was stopping me from getting fully hard, but it was still a worry. For about 20 minutes I sat there chatting away with his finger in me, drinking coffee and surrounded by people as it slowly went in and out of me. When we finished the coffee he said he needed to find his friends again and that he hoped to see us both again soon.

We never did bump into him again that day, but I looked.

We walked back to the car and a day in high heels was starting to have a toll on my feet. As soon as we got in I kicked them off and we set of. Or rather we sat in the London traffic for a while. Finally we were on the motorway heading back south and we decided to stop, it felt like hours since we had a drink. We pulled into a service station and it was like I had forgotten how we were dressed. Sarah parked in a corner away from people and told me not to worry, we had a change of clothes. I explained it will take ages to get the extensions out and make up off, but she handed me the sweater dress I had brought.

I stepped out of the car and stood behind the door as I took my top of and pulled my dress over my head, then slipped the skirt off. I was presentable for normal society. Sort of. I was still in fuck me heels and wearing hold ups that were going to be on show if I wasn’t careful. Sarah had already taken off the thigh high boots so she pulled a pair of jeans on and a jumper.

We walked over to get a coffee and I remembered to shake out my pigtails. We had something to eat, as we wouldn’t get back till late then drove home. The drive back was much quicker, in fact an hour later we sitting at home drinking tea and wondering what to do. Sarah suggested we go out; I looked good enough already and that she could put a dress on quickly and we could get a cab.

Half an hour later in a busy bar, more men were feeling me up as they ‘squeezed’ past us in the bar. About ten o’clock we were chatting to a couple of guys and Sarah went out for a cigarette with one while I chatted with the other. I hadn’t realised that his fingers were every so often brushing against my legs, but when I did I let him carry on. Before long his hand was there all the time and his fingers were stroking me and working their way up. I still don’t know why I didn’t stop him.

He wasn’t as cute as Wolverine, but I was feeling open to new experiences today. He leant in and told me that he likes it when girls wear stockings. I said, “But surely my smooth skin feels nicer?” And his hand went under the hem of dress to feel me. He stepped in slightly at that point and kissed me. My right hand was caught between us and my left arm snaked round his neck and pulled him closer as he kissed me. My mouth opened to accept his tongue and I turned my right hand around and felt his growing hardness.

I was openly feeling his erect cock as his hand snaked round and felt my bum. That was when Sarah came back and I smiled at her, a little embarrassed but not enough to move my hand away from his hard cock before she saw it.

The four of us chatted for a bit more, but at some point we got separated and it wasn’t much longer before we hailed a cab and went home. Once there we flopped down, kicked out heels of our aching feet and talked about the day. I admitted I got fingered when we had the coffee and that when he moved in to kiss me I couldn’t resist finding out a bit more by having a feel. She told me she knew I was getting fingered and that when I didn’t mind the guy in the bar stroking my leg she would leave us to see what happened.

She asked me if I was ok with all of this and was worried she may have pushed me into it, but I told her I was enjoying everything today and just wanted to enjoy as much as I could. She told me to be careful and hugged me. I promised I wouldn’t get pregnant, and we both laughed.

I stayed again in Jane’s room and noticed as I took off my dress, just how much she had left. I opened what was her makeup drawer to find some eye makeup removal pads and there was an envelope addressed to me. I opened it and she told me I could have whatever I wanted and to enjoy Birmingham Comic Con. I wondered what she meant and there was her ticket for the weekend.

I walked into Sarah’s room as she was reaching for her pyjama shorts. I asked her what this meant and as she pulled the shorts up that I had Jane’s ticket for the weekend if I wanted it. She told me she was going as well, but wanted me to decide. We would be sharing a room and asked me if I minded about that?

“Sarah, I’m standing here in lingerie and you were naked when I walked in, putting your pyjamas on. Of course I don’t mind sharing a room with you, we think nothing of being like this. We’re just two girls together.” I said.

She gave me a big hug and told me we’d talk about costumes for the three days tomorrow. We kissed each other’s cheek and I walked to the door. I stopped and looked back as she got into bed.

“And we need to make a plan in case either either of us pulls.” I said.

As I closed the door she said, “Hang a stocking over the door handle when you’re shagging a guy.”

Or I can use his room maybe, I thought as I walked back to Jane’s old bedroom.

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Feedback welcome

The next day after a shower I put my makeup on and found a pair of leggings that Jane had left behind. I went downstairs and Sarah was in the kitchen eating some cereal. She looked at me and said, “Ok, I need to teach you daytime makeup.” She had a point.

So through the day we just chatted and she showed me some different looks and I decided to move in to Jane’s old room. The rent was cheaper here, and it would also make cosplay a lot easier. She had way more experience in making costumes than I did. We also chatted about what we could wear. I really wanted to do the Princess Leia slave girl thing, but knew there would be a lot of them going like already. We decided to do the Sucker Punch outfits again and maybe look for some anime as well. I looked through Jane’s old costumes and found a Wonder Woman and Sarah had a Catwoman so that was day two sorted. We needed to decide quickly for the last day.

I went home in the evening and got some well needed rest, thankful as well that Jane left a pair of jeans as I didn’t want to wear my cargo trousers for some reason.

The next day at work I was open about what I did and what we were doing (apart from getting fingered and kissing a guy). I hadn’t posted any photos yet to Facebook, that was for tonight, but I showed them the ones I had on my phone. John couldn’t believe it, but the girls on my team thought it was great and that I looked good. As they flipped through the photos they saw the ones from the evening and realised I’d gone out as Amy. They also saw one of me sitting on a guys a lap and his hands on my leg, but I said nothing about it when asked, I just shrugged. It was no big deal.

John kept looking at the pictures then back at me and finally said, “You make a hot girl!” I think I blushed.

The girls then said that they were having a girls night out on Wednesday and I could join them as Amy. I explained that I’m borrowing clothes so if they really want me to come then I need to speak to Sarah first, but they pretty much all offered to lend me stuff. I was really flattered, but nervous of it.

When I told Sarah, she said it was a great idea, so I told the girls yes.

Wednesday after work I went to Sarah’s to get ready, raided both Jane’s and Sarah’s wardrobe and found a skin-tight bandage dress that looked good. I jumped in the bath, gave my legs and armpits a going over, and started getting ready. She was sitting down drinking hot chocolate and relaxing.

Although the girls said she could come I didn’t tell her that until I was ready. I wanted this to be about everyone at work being comfortable with me cosplaying as a girl and if the girls were on board, the rest should settle down easily enough.

Monica from work picked me up and was stunned when she saw me in the purple skin-tight dress, with cleavage on show. I told her how great she looked in her LBD. I’d been tempted by one myself that evening, but when I saw this, I just knew. We jumped in the car with Jenny, and went to the bar before the club.

It was a typical girls night out, we drank, danced, flirted with guys (I’d learnt how to do that at the con), and had a great time. I got home about 2am and after taking off my makeup went to bed.

At half seven Sarah woke me, telling me I had to get ready. I didn’t have enough time to get home to get work clothes, annoyed I’d slept through my alarm. Sarah pointed out I still had my hair in as well. I asked her to tell them I’d be late, but a cunning grin came over her face.

At ten to nine I got out of Sarah’s car, swinging my legs out so that no one could look up my skirt. I took my pass out of my handbag and hung it round my neck; thankfully it didn’t have my picture on it. Our heels clipped on the tarmac as we walked across the car park. I’d gone for a light smoky look on my eyes during the day. I was wearing a cream roll neck jumper and an above the knee pencil skirt. Sarah talked me into wearing stockings as well, I wish she hadn’t because as soon as I got in the car I was having to pull the skirt down to cover them.

We walked in and I got out off the lift on my floor, opened the door to the office and walked in. As I walked down the open plan area to my desk, a few heads were turning to check out the new girl. When I put my handbag down on my desk, realisation hit people and they smiled. The girls from last night looked up when I was pointed out and came over to say hi. I explained why I was dressed like this and the girls thought it was great. Even my manager was ok with it once I explained to her. She complimented me on my look and asked if I’d be doing it again.

I said, “Only if I over sleep and still have the hair in.” I wondered over to grab a coffee from the machine and when I got back John was sitting at his desk and hadn’t spotted my handbag. I sat down and said morning in my Amy voice.

“Alright.” He said without looking up. Right, I went to all this effort and that’s how you’re acting! Ok, try this then.

“Did you have a nice evening last night?” I purred at him. Jenny sitting opposite was trying hard not to laugh.

“Yeah, it was alright.” He replied then half looked up. He did a double take and I swung my chair round to face him and crossed my legs. My skirt rode up and my stocking tops were on clear view to him.

His jaw dropped open and he kept looking me up and down, lingering at my legs a lot. He couldn’t form words until he finally said, “Huh?”

We all laughed, with me covering my mouth, I knew I had to be ultra feminine today. I quickly explained to him and from then on it was a normal day. I did tease him a lot through the morning with my legs and at one point I scooted forwards on my chair so the skirt rose up even more and the stockings were on full show, along with my thong. I saw a little movement in his trousers then, and decided to see how much more I could do.

I carried on talking, flirting and gently rubbing my legs together. Jenny was half watching with a smile on her face as I was making John more and more hard. When I’d got him where I wanted, I pretended to notice my stockings and slowly tugged my skirt back down. Then I asked him to go and get me a coffee. I half looked away and saw him have a quick rearrange to try and hide his erection, and then he took my cup from me and stood up. That’s when I asked him a question so his crotch was at face level to me, and I leant forward so I was looking up at him. I put a hand on his hip and thanked him for being such an angel and I saw it grow a bit more.

He walked away and Jenny and me looked at each other but before we could say anything he came back, so I thanked him and let my hand touch his for just a bit too long. When he had sat down I got a text from Jenny.

Jenny – OMG he wants to fuck you!
Me – I know! I’m going to tease him all day now.
Jenny – You so should. See if you can get him to ask you out.
Me – No! I can’t do that to him!
Jenny – Get him to take you to a movie or to dinner!
Me – No, he’ll expect a kiss at the end of the night, or worse, a blow job!
Jenny – So, what’s wrong with that? He’s kinda cute.
Me – I’ve never done anything like that before!
Jenny – So what? You could do it, it’s easy. The taste isn’t so bad, make sure he eats strawberries, then it’s really nice.
Me – Really?
Jenny – Yeah, about half an hour or so before.

Just then John asked me a question but I wasn’t really listening. “Sorry, I was just texting, what was that?” I asked. He sort of cleared his throat and I saw Jenny hold her hand up to her mouth and stick her tongue in her cheek.

John said, “Did you want to grab a coffee lunchtime? We could go to that new place round the corner?” He was blushing and I realised he was asking me out.

“Sure, that would be good.”

Jenny – Feed him strawberries!

I poked my tongue out at her, grabbed my bag and said I was meeting Sarah for a cigarette. Outside I told her what happened and asked for advice. She suggested I experiment with him, so long as it doesn’t affect the working relationship.

When I got out the lift on my floor, Jenny was waiting for me and dragged me into the ladies. We quickly checked we were alone then she asked what I was going to do and what did Sarah say? I told her and she gave me a hug saying, “Keep the teeth out of the way when you go down.”

Back at my desk the next hour passed in quiet work, then John asked me if I was ready. I looked at him and turned the chair to face him again, I wanted him to see the stockings again. “Yep. Let me visit the ladies to freshen up and I’ll meet you downstairs.” A quick touch up of the makeup and we were walking to the coffee shop.

It was really sweet when he held the door open for me, and insisted on paying for the coffee. I saw a cheesecake they had and asked for that cheekily, because of what was on it.

We sat down and he asked about the comic con and I told him a bit more as they brought over the cheesecake. After the first bite I told him how good it was and fed him some from my fork, then gently used the napkin to wipe his lips. From then on we shared it with me feeding it to him. When we got to the strawberry, I fed it to him, pointing out he deserved it for buying it.

The next bit I was going to feed him had a lot of whipped cream on it and a devilish idea came over me. As I got close to his mouth I tipped the fork slightly and it fell off. Right onto his trousers, very close to the bulge he had. He half jumped in surprise, but I was ready, I grabbed a napkin, and gently wiped it up. Then I grabbed another, and with one hand held his leg, and I licked the napkin then wiped away the mark.

I could see how awkward he felt, but knew he was enjoying the attention, so I shuffled closer and my skirt rode up again. I moved my hand and my fingers touched his hard penis. I kept cleaning his trousers and pretended I hadn’t noticed his dick. Another move and now he can see my thong, I even opened my legs a bit so he could have a better view. I also moved my hand and now I’m holding his penis through his trousers.

I looked him in the eye and said, “We don’t want to leave a stain there when we go back.” And I gave him my best flirtatious smile. “Last bit.” I said.

With the napkin I now gently wiped it across his erection. I wanted him to know I knew and I was OK with it. I suggested we go for a walk in the park opposite if he wanted to, and we got up. He held his jacket in front of him as we went out before putting it on.

We walk along carrying our coffee. All I could think about was I had feed him a strawberry and could I do it now? I suggested we walk along a track that went through some trees, and he said yes. It was really hard in the heels, I had to walk carefully to stop them sinking in. When we were out of sight and quite remote I pretended to trip so I could stumble and drop the coffee. He helped me stand upright and I looked in his eyes.

“Thank you.” I said and kissed his cheek. He didn’t pull away. I put my hand on his chest and then let it feel down his body until I was holding his erection again, all the time looking him in the eyes. I gave him a gentle kiss on the lips and our tongues played softly with each other. I pulled away and said I didn’t want to get lipstick on him, “or at least not on your lips.”

I undid the zip on his trousers and reached in, freeing the monster within. I crouched down; I was worried about laddering my stocking. And kissed the tip. Then I licked it gently, and started to run my tongue along the length, running it over the head, giving him a lot of attention.

Finally I was ready, I opened my mouth and engulfed his cock in my mouth. I heard him give an intake of breath as he filled my mouth. All I could think was ‘how great this felt and tasted’, ‘it was so much better than I could have imagined’, ‘I think I like men now’, ‘I hope no one comes along’, ‘I need to learn how to deep throat’, and ‘I can’t wait to taste his cum’.

I started to feel his cock swell in my mouth and he was trying to push into my mouth. I had one hand wrapped round his cock, the other on his bum as he emptied his balls into my mouth. The hot sweet taste of it was amazing!

I swallowed it all and collected the dribble that ran down my chin before licking him clean. I put his now deflated but still very sweet penis back in his trousers admiring the lipstick on it as I did him up before I stood. I made him hold the mirror of my compact as I repaired my makeup. We walked back, chatting normally but not mentioning what just happened until we got in the lift.

“Thank you.” He said. I smiled at him and had a quick feel of his penis.

“Thank you too.” I said.

We sat back down at our desks and started working. Jenny looked at me so I checked my phone.

Jenny – What happened?
Me – He only had one strawberry. I couldn’t taste it. I’ll feed him more next time.
Jenny – I so knew it!
Me – I can’t wait for more. We’re going to see a film tonight ☺

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Feedback welcome. Also, if anyone can tell me how to link this story to part 1 I'd be really grateful. x

I desperately wanted to tell Sarah what had happened but didn’t want to do it by text, so it would have to wait till I got home. As it was, Jenny was texting me about it, asking what I did, how he tasted and more importantly, how big his penis was.

Well, I didn’t measure it but I knew it was bigger than mine, but I’ve always known mine wasn’t that big, it sorted of fitted with my overall size. John’s was bigger. I did wonder how he really felt about it, but seeing that he asked me out on the way back to work, I guess he was OK with it.

I waited for Sarah outside and we walked to the car. She asked me if I was ok and I told her I had a date that night. “With John?” she said. I asked her how she knew and she reminded me if I’m going to look and act like a girl I need to remember that girls talk. I blushed, so she asked me if that was my first blow job?

“Yes, I know it was a bit sleazy, on my knees in a park, but when I saw how he reacted to me this morning I just sort of went with the flow and it was fun.” I told her.

She said her first time sucking a dick was almost the same, in the park.

“Can I ask you a question?” I said. She nodded as she pulled out of the carpark. “How do you deep throat?” She burst out laughing and said she hasn’t mastered it yet.

We cooked a quick meal when we got home and talked about what I should wear to the cinema. I kind of wanted wear a skirt, but couldn’t decide what type. We looked through our wardrobes and finally decided on a black skater skirt with a white sleeveless knitted v neck top to show off my cleavage. I had a quick bath and got ready. First I put on some heels with the outfit, but changed my mind when I saw Jane’s boots.

They were knee high with just a three inch heel, not too dressy. I decided to go without stockings tonight and go bare legged, but it was easier to get the boots on with stockings. A quick chat with Sarah and we couldn’t decide if I should wear tights or stockings. A flip of the coin and stockings it was.

“You’re pleased really aren’t you?” She asked me. I was smiling when they won. In the end I didn’t go with either as I couldn’t a clean pair, but I found a pair of suspender tights so went with them instead. Win!

At about quarter past seven the doorbell rang. John was a bit early. Sarah told me to wait upstairs for a bit then she’d call me down when John was in the living room.

No, what the cow did was call me down when they both still standing by the door. I realised he was looking right up my skirt as I started to walk down. He had a big smile on his face. “You look amazing, Amy.” He told me.

Right then I was pleased that Sarah had insisted I take condoms.

I put a shawl round my shoulders and walked out to his car. I regretted wearing a skater skirt because as soon as we stepped outside the wind lifted my skirt. John smiled and said, “Wow, a movie and a show!”

As soon as we got in I texted Sarah to apologise for leaving her alone again, and promised that we would go out tomorrow. She texted back to tell me to enjoy myself and not to worry tonight. The movie was ok, John had his hands on my legs for most of the film and I have to admit I did get my hands in a trousers a few times to play with him. John found the suspends on the tights and spent a long time playing with them under my skirt, even stroking the front of my thong a couple of times; maybe by accident, maybe on purpose.

As we walked back to the car, he was walking slightly behind me. When I turned round to ask why, I found out why. The breeze was lifting the back of my skirt and he was looking at my bum. When I turned the front went up. I told him to behave, and we got in the car.

Back at mine, he turned the engine off. I looked at him and invited him in.

The next day I arrived at work and John was already at the desk. I was still Amy and told everyone I’d stayed at Sarah’s again, but to be honest, no one was bothered. I looked at John and smiled. Jenny arrived and said hello to us both. We’d already been texting so she knew what happened.

I’d intended to make John a coffee, but we never got anywhere near that. We started kissing as soon as we got through the door, pulling each others clothes off. I had to pick mine up in the morning in front of Sarah. Her only comment was she couldn’t believe I was getting more sex than her.

I walked up the stairs in my lingerie and boots with John still pulling off his trousers behind me. He followed me up the stairs, his gorgeous penis pointing the way. On the bed he started kissing me again as I slowly stroked his erect cock. He reached behind me and undid my bra, I tried to stop him but he whispered it’s ok. I slowly let it fall from my shoulders and managed to keep the forms inside them. It would have been too comical if they had rolled across the floor.

I put it on the floor and took his cock into my mouth as I leant down. He laid on his back as I sucked him as he stroked my body and showing no fear about touching me between the legs with his thumb putting pressure on my hole. He was driving me crazy with lust!

When I thought he getting close to cumming, he gently pushed me away and started kissing me, I was stroking his cock all the time. I knew I wanted to have him, but was worried about spoiling it. While kissing me he laid me back slowly on the bed, then got on top, gently opening my legs with his as he got between them. His hand started to pull gently on my thong, to pull it down. I stopped him, I really wasn’t ready to let them be taken off. I could feel the disappointment in him.

But it wasn’t over yet.

I pulled his cock towards me, and with my other hand pulled my thong to the side. He got the message and pressed against me, trying to get in. I pushed him away and he looked hurt again, but I grabbed my bag and got the lube, putting it on him. I opened my legs and lifted my knees to help him into me as he pressed against me again. My arms wrapped around him and he pressed harder, then the pop as he was in.

It was like an explosion of lights in my head. Yes it hurt, but a good sort of hurt. He pushed and pulled back a bit. The head of his cock was still in me and I felt myself start to relax, my arms were wrapped around him and I was trying to pull him into me. He pushed in a bit more, then back, each time a bit more till he was fully in me.

We lay there enjoying the new feelings we were getting from each other. He felt so deep in me, I felt so connected to him as I wrapped my legs around him trying to pull his entire body into me. He started to thrust again, slowly as we kissed. Each time he was all in we were both sighing. Gradually he sped up, the speed and depth, the feelings, his body against me were just amazing. Whatever he was doing to me I knew no matter what happened between us, this moment had changed me forever.

I could feel an orgasm rising in me and could sense his rising as well. I moaned loudly as we both came together. Him deep in me and my own one was like an emotional awakening, better than any other I had ever had before.

We laid there, him on top of me, still in me, pulsing slightly as his body was trying to make sure it was breeding me. He whispered in my ear, “That was amazing.” I kissed him and told him I felt the same. We laid there for a while, him still in me and I asked why he was still hard. He told me it was normal for him. All I could think was why would any girl who’s experienced him in them and staying hard finish with him? I did wonder what it would mean for us. Would we be boyfriend and girlfriend? How would he feel seeing me as Andy instead of Amy?

Right now that didn’t matter as I could feel him growing back to full hardness inside me. Girls, if you ever get to have that it’s amazing!

He rolled me over and laid on his back with me on top and I rode him till he came again in me and it was just as amazing as the first time. We both laid there and relaxed and I must have drifted off. When I woke up I was in the bed still in the suspender tights and thong with a crusty mess inside them where I’d leaked precum and some of his cum had leaked from me.
But that was last night. This morning I wondered how he would feel. He smiled at me and said morning and I knew things were good between us. The day carried on as normal except I went to lunch with Jenny and Sarah as Jenny wanted all the details and Sarah wanted to find out anything I hadn’t already told her. All Jenny kept saying to me was how lucky I was. He’s big, good in bed and can stay hard. What’s not to like!

Over the next couple of weeks I moved out of my old place and in with Sarah. I even ended up living pretty much full time as Amy as we were either at work, working on cosplays or going out. I had a few more dates with John but it fizzled out after a couple of weeks because I was so busy. He did get quite a few lunch time blow jobs and a couple of times we even fucked in the woods.

It’s fun going back to work with cum in you, although here’s a good tip. If you’re going to have sex in the woods, wear wedges or block heels.

The week before the Birmingham Comic Con was really busy. Sarah’s car had started to make a new noise so we were going by train. The room was booked in the hotel, and it was close to the train station. We had to get our clothes and three costumes into a suitcase each which meant we had to sort out new costumes that didn’t take up a lot of space.

Sarah used a Sailor Moon she already had and I found a Holo the Wise Wolf. I didn’t like the tail on the costume, it was really annoying and difficult to sit in, so I went online to find one. A few minutes of searching and I found the perfect one. I showed it to Sarah and she couldn’t believe I would do it. I hit the buy button for next day delivery. When we got home from work it was there waiting for us.

The next day we finished packing and got a cab to the train station for the four-hour train ride. We chatted for the first hour on the train and then listened to music. I took my ear buds out after an hour and realised that the two guys sitting behind us were going to the con as well. I nudged Sarah and we both sat there listening to them for a bit. They hadn’t planned any costumes by the sound of it, but we whispered to each other and decided to invite them to sit with us as we had four seats. They agreed.

Their names were Steve and Mike and great fun to chat to. It turned out we were staying in the same hotel. Sarah seemed to like Steve and I liked Mike. I wondered if he would be as sexually good as John and if he wouldn’t mind that I wasn’t really called Amy. Only time would tell on that front.

I got a chance to find out if he liked me when I said I needed to go to the toilet and he suggested getting us all some coffee from the buffet car. As we walked along the train I was glad I’d decided to wear skinny jeans and ballet pumps for travelling on the train. I asked him to wait outside the toilet for me, and took a bit of extra time in there just to see if he would wait. He did. I thought I would risk it when the door opened. Seeing that the toilet was clean, I motioned him in with my finger. He smiled, looked a bit confused but walked towards me. I said I wanted to show him something and the smiled dropped slightly from his face. He thought for a minute he was going to get lucky.

I locked the door behind him and kissed him. “We haven’t got long.” I told him as I undid his jeans and started stroking him. I wanted to taste another man, so I knelt down and sucked him. I used my hands, played with his balls, sucked and licked and then he came, I swallowed it all, apart from the drip on my chin. He did his jeans up and we opened the door and walked out. I wanted to leave the cum on my chin as long as possible. As we walked to get the coffee in the next carriage I managed to hide it from both Mike and everyone else.

It was Sarah that saw it when we got back, and then I let Mike see it and then Steve, then I pretended to notice, and pushed it into my mouth, giving a cute shrug. Everyone laughed and Sarah said, “I can’t take you anywhere!”

At the hotel we all arranged to meet up for a drink in the bar and I wore my R2D2 dress, short, and tight. Sarah went for a bandage skirt and vest top. They guys were dressed nice as well. Sarah wanted to get laid that night so we agreed that she would go off with Steve early and back to his room giving me a chance to tell Mike the truth about me. If he said he wasn’t interested, then Sarah would come back to our room. If he was ok with it then she’d know as she they wouldn’t be disturbed.

I sat at a table with Mike and was as flirty as possible; he was hooked. But I was still nervous. I gave Sarah half an hour and Mike was getting frisky, if I didn’t tell him soon he’d want to do me on the table. So I carefully raised the subject of my real gender. He looked shocked. I wasn’t sure how this would go, but he still had his hand on leg, so I took that as a good sign. I apologised about not telling him before on the train, but the opportunity came up and I thought I would leap at it.

“I’m glad you did.” He told me, and his thumb stroked my inner thigh. I took his hand and said, “Shall we?”

He nodded and we went to my room. He was better than John, much better. In the morning I woke up and he was still asleep. I still hand my thong and a cami top on. He was naked and looked so cute asleep. I gave him a gentle kiss, glad at that moment that I so rarely need to shave, and even then it’s more like fluff. He stirred a bit and I reached down and stroked his penis. In his sleep it started to get hard and he murmured lightly.

I rolled him gently onto his back and with my mouth teased him to rigidity. I got the lube and warmed it on my hands so the cold didn’t wake him, straddled him and slid down his length. Eight inches slid into me easily and we both moaned, Mike in his sleep. I slowly rode him, enjoying the luxury of his length and girth holding me open.

I rolled my hips, enjoying the feeling of him moving in me, when he slowly opened his eyes and smiled.

“Wow! I was just dreaming you were doing that. Reality is better.” He said.

He rolled me onto my back and we made slow, passionate love until he came deeply inside. We laid there locked together until he lifted himself up to pull out of me. I raised my hips to keep him in a bit longer.

“Don’t worry, we’re doing that many more times this weekend.” He told me as he pulled out. My body ached to have him back in me, but he went to have a shower before going back to his room.

Sarah came back with a glow on her face as well. She heard the shower and because he was naked we both sat there waiting for him to walk out. As the door opened he said, ‘So, what was I saying about what we would do this….Hi Sarah.”

Mike had an erection again. I thought he would hide it but there was no point. We both giggled and I decided to hide it for him. With both hands, telling Sarah she wasn’t to look, he’s shy. We wouldn’t let him get dressed or go until he had a coffee. “To get his strength back.” Said Sarah.

Two hours later we met them both in the lobby, me dressed as Wonder Woman and Sarah as Catwoman. Mine was the traditional outfit, close fitting and showing off my figure. Hers was a close fitting body with the cape, mask and thigh boots she’d made herself. We walked to the cab and went to the con. It was a great day, had loads of photos taken and the guys loved the attention were getting and them being able to put their arms around us as it to say, ‘back off, she’s with me!’

The evening was repeat for both of us, although I got to do the walk of shame in the morning this time, with cum running done my legs under my mini skirt.

This was the day of the repeat costumes from London, except I’d done a bit of work on the skirt to make the slit much wider to show more leg and more of my thong. I wanted to make today special for Mike as they were going back tomorrow morning, so I was extremely flirty with him all day. It was a bad idea because he got so worked up we went back to the hotel for an hour to relieve his tension. Twice.

Back at the con I had to keep going to the ladies as I was sure that his cum was leaking out of me, and in such a short skirt everyone would see it. He told me he didn’t care if everyone knew his cum was running down my legs. That night at the hotel we had sex with me in the costume after I had danced for him. He was hard all the time and I kept teasing him by stroking it, taking it into my mouth and a couple of times straddling him with my legs and dipping him into me a little bit. It was torture for both of us until I did it for the third time and he pulled me down onto him. All eight inches were in me in one quick movement. I gasped in the pleasure of the filling.

We were looking at each other in the mirror as I sat there, filled by him. We kept looking at each other as I carried on with the dance, except making sure each movement kept him in me. I rolled my hips to the music, slid up and down slowly. It was so erotic, just looking into each others eyes in the mirror as I gave him the most intimate lap dance ever. We both came, and the intensity felt like it was ripping me apart.

I think at that moment I was deeply in love with him, as I sat on his hardness still pulsing in me, his hands caressing my body. Keeping him in me I turned around and kissed him.

“I have to tell you something.” He told me. I knew that’s never a good sign, but I had the ultimate truth detector deep in me, twitching still. “I’m actually engaged. Steve is as well. This is like a pre stag do for us both.”

I looked at him and just said, “Oh.” I wasn’t sure what else I should say.

“We never expected anything like this happen.” He looked embarrassed. At least he was still hard in me. My thoughts of love faded quickly, but my lust for him was still there. His was as well by the feel of it, so I rolled my hips on him and his eyes rolled back for a moment. I started to ride him slowly, kissing him and he came again. This time I didn’t. I knew I should feel used but the truth was I was the one who wanted him, he went along with it. I should have asked but didn’t. He should have said no, but I never gave him a chance.

“It’s ok. What happens at con stays at con.” I kissed him again. “Will you be here next year?”

He laughed. In the morning I did the walk of shame again dressed as Babydoll. I loved the looks I got. I let myself in the room and Sarah and Steve were still fucking hard. I was about to leave when he came and Sarah looked up and saw me, feeling really uncomfortable. He pulled put of her and stood up, his fading erection looking all shiny with Sarah’s juices covering the condom. I felt bad at that point, I really should have been using them and promised myself I would in future.

Steve was about to take the condom of when the devil came over me and I told him to stop. He looked confused so I reached out and did it for him. He didn’t mind. I dipped a finger into his cum and tasted it. Urgh! My face screwed up and Sarah laughed. “It’s the spermicide in the condom.”

So I knelt down and licked the drips from his still deflating cock. I wanted to taste another man.

We met them both at breakfast for the last time, then kissed them goodbye as they went to pack and we went to get changed into our cosplays. They waited outside to see what we were wearing before they left. Sarah in her cute Sailor Moon and me as Holo, complete with tail. When I kissed Mike he ran his hand over my bum. He stopped kissing to look at me. “Really he said?” I giggled, “Yeah, I couldn’t resist it when I saw it.” I told him and he kissed me again. We jumped in the cab and went to the con.

Just before midday we were flagging a bit, we’d seen about everything there was to see, and had one last talk to see so were just sort of wondering around. Then I saw him.

“Wolverine!” I called out. I went over to him as quickly as I could. He didn’t recognise dressed as Holo. I told him I was Babydoll at London and we shared a coffee together. A big smile came over his face and Sarah caught up with us.

“Nice to see you again. I’m Sarah by the way, this is Amy, I thought now was a good time to learn each others name.” She said. He told us he was called Sam. Sarah looked at both us and said, “Let me guess, you fancy a coffee?” We both giggled.

It was quite busy again and yes I sat on Sam’s lap, flipping the tail out behind me. I didn’t need to sit on his lap, I wanted to because I knew what would happen. The dress was easy enough for him to get his hand under and it took seconds for him to look at me with a big smile.

“All day?” He asked me. I told him yes. “It was a stupid idea that sounded like it would be fun, but I’ve been scared that someone would pull the tail off and find the butt plug.” So this time, rather than finger me he played with the tail, pulling on it gently and letting the shape of it pull itself back in.

I was barely able to talk sitting there. He talked to Sarah most of the time, just ignoring me other than the pleasure he was giving. Sarah told me later when he went to the toilet that he lived about three miles from us and that Jane says hi. She’d told him the whole story while I was phased out by the pleasure he was giving me. Again.

I went back to his hotel with him after the last talk. I can barely remember a word that was said, I was standing in front of Sam and he was playing with my tail all the time. We kissed for the first time when we got in his room. He told me that he looked for me at London but no luck. It turned out we were both in the same bar back home that evening.

I told him everything about me, between him fucking me. He was both hard and passionate, and easily as good as Mike. He was a bit bigger and it scared me at first, but he was a gentle and compassionate lover. It was hard to get it in my mouth, but he said I would get used to it over time. In the morning we went down to breakfast together and I was still dressed as Holo. He put the tail back in himself for me, said it would be wrong not to be dressed correctly.

He ordered a cab for me and paid for it as well. I walked in and Sarah was in bed with a man. Turned out she picked up someone at our hotel as well. The train ride back was boring, we were on a come down and both tired. I was wearing a long skirt this time, although I had made a promise to Sam and Mike. I was still wearing the foxtail. It was funny every so often when sitting down and I felt the fur tickling my legs. When I was walking I could always feel the fur. I had Sarah take a photo on my phone I could send to both of them to prove I was wearing it. It was blurry as her eyes were closed.

When we got in and crashed on the sofa, neither of us looking forward to work tomorrow, I looked at Sarah and said, “I’m changing my name.” What do you mean she asked, “Don’t you like the name Amy?”

I looked at her said, “No, I mean change it to Amy. Legally.”

“Finally!” She replied.

“And I want my own boobs. I can wear more cosplays then.” I said.

Prologue.

I did change my name and get my own boobs. My two favourite cosplays are Cammi from Street Fighter and a Playboy bunny. It’s two years later now and I still share a house with Sarah. I’ve been dating Sam since Birmingham, and I still talk to Mike. The three of us even went to both of their weddings. Sam has been hinting about me moving in with him, but I don’t want to just yet. Sarah split with her boyfriend recently and it’s broken her heart, and I can’t leave my girl. She’s my sister now we share a surname. And I did master the deep throat.

Working on a small team in a large office with all women meant I got an insight into women’s lives that many men miss out on. Sometimes I feel like I’m missing the banter, but to be honest the without the constant competition when it’s all men, which let's face it can be tiring, so it was refreshing to work in a nurturing environment.

Although the talk about split ends does get annoying sometimes. I never ever got them in my hair and it was as long as some of the girls, I just didn’t put so much ‘product’ on it so it didn’t suffer as much.

Maureen, although she hates that name so we call her Mo, our manager came back from a meeting and sat down to give us all the good news from up high. There was never anything interesting in them so I would fade it out, until I realised she was talking about me. “What’s that?” I asked, hoping I was pretending I listened. She wasn’t fooled.

“They want to hold a beauty contest at the Christmas party and as the only man on the team that means you.” She said. There was nothing buff about me; I was short and skinny, with a geeks ponytail. “Huh?” I said.

Then she explained and all the girls were looking at me, even the ones that work at the other end or little bit of the office. It was a drag beauty contest. I told them I wasn’t sure, but secretly I was thrilled at the idea. I hadn’t dressed for 14 years when I was 8. It seemed so long ago and I just wasn’t brave enough or knew the right people to do anything about it.

Mo said the party was in seven weeks, so there was plenty of time to decide and that they would all help me. Karen, Pam, Sue and Laura who I worked closely with each leaped into pleas to get me to do it and that they would help me. I um’d and ah’d a bit and said yes I would but they would need to help me.

And that’s why on Thursday evening Karen picked me up at home to take me to Mo’s. I said bye to my flatmates but they were cuddling up watching a film and looking forward to some alone time tonight. I hadn’t told them what was happening, I couldn’t bare the embarrassment. Karen had several bags on the back seat of her car, which felt a bit ominous. She told me had some things for me and that each of them were bringing outfits for me to try out.

At Mo’s, her husband was out with their kids and we had until ten when they would be back. We went up to her bedroom, and Sue and Pam were there already, each with a bag of clothing. Karen was closest to my height and build so she had more with her. We dumped her bags and Karen opened one, handed me a pair of her knickers, told me to put them on and they waited outside.

It was a long time since I’d held them to put them on, and some of the old feelings came back, dressing up with the girl who lived next door, our parents laughing, and being so upset when she moved away and not having the dress up time anymore. I started to take of my clothes and pull the panties up. I tucked myself back but I still had a bit of a bulge. I told them I was ready and they came back in, looked me up and down with satisfied looks on their faces.

Pam said, “We need to lose the body hair.”

Laura, “And a better hairstyle as well.”

Sue, “And the bulge needs to go as well.”

They all went into the bags and Karen handed me a bra to put on. It matched the panties. Then it was all business, Mo and Laura started working on my hair and sorting out makeup. Karen handed me a pair of tights and I rolled them up to put them on. They were opaque and a little shiny and covered what little leg hair I had. When I sat back down, they carried on with my hair and Mo started to put some cream on my face. “Foundation.” She explained. I watched them in the mirror as Karen started sliding shoes on my feet to see what fitted. A pair of simple court shoes, about an inch high heel fitted me.

Karen said, “You’re a size five like me.” I looked at her a bit confused thinking, no I’m a seven. “Girl sizes are different.” She said. I carried on watching the transformation of my face and hair take place, amazed at what they were able to do. It was still me, but a way more feminine me. The make up and everything made me look like a young woman.

Finally they were happy and told me to stand up. Karen slipped something cold into the bra and I tried to back away from them, but they soon warmed up. “Breast enhancers. These are the big ones, I used them when I dressed as a Playboy bunny once.” Karen told me. I looked down and I had a shape now. In the mirror there was a half dressed female me looking back. She smiled. I was handed a skirt and I pulled it on back to front so I could zip it, and then twisted it around.

They looked at me in surprise this time. “I’ve had girlfriends.” I said, and we all giggled. Mo got a bottle of wine and Laura handed me a top. I carefully pulled it over my head trying not to damage the makeup of the hairdo they had given me. I never knew my normally lank hair could have so much body and feel so fluffy and light. I took a drink of the wine and saw some of my lipstick on the glass.

“Ok, lets see you walk.” Pam said. I walked like a fool and felt it. They spent the next hour making me walk up and down. Sit down and stand up, holding my glass and taking sips until they were reasonably happy. I was passed a handbag and put my phone in it. Mo put some of the makeup I was wearing it, and told me to empty my wallet into the purse as well, and put it in the bag with my keys.

There must have been a big siren at this point, but I missed it. We went downstairs and walking down them in the heels and skirt was something they hadn’t taught me, but it was obvious how to do it, turn slightly sideways and be careful. The reduced movement from the skirt did surprise me, but I made it. I did find myself admiring the skirt for the first time, knee length in a what I later found out was a tulip style so it flared out and hid the bulge in my panties. Karen was wearing a short bandage skirt that was really tight and I wanted to try it on. The bulge meant I wasn’t ready too.

When I got downstairs I was handed a jacket and helped into it. Now it started to dawn on me. “Karen suggested we go for a drink, so we are.” Pam said.

I said no. A big no! They told me they have hidden my clothes so if I want them back I’m going for a drink. I was trapped and had no choice. I didn’t want to bump into her husband or my flatmates dressed like this. I didn’t have enough money for a cab so was screwed. “Ok, but I want to feel safe so we go to a gay pub. At least I won’t get beaten up there.” I told them.

They reassured me that wouldn’t happen, they would look after me, but a gay bar would be fine. Mo said she’d never been in one before so it will be fun.

I sat in the car scared stiff. They kept talking to me and every so often told me to adjust how I was speaking. When I got out of the car and walked with them to the bar, I was scared, but talking more like a woman. In fact I was gabbling a bit with nerves. Plus already my feet were hurting. Why are the soles on girl’s shoes so thin?

We walked in the pub and ordered some drinks. Turns out on Thursdays there are a lot more lesbians in the bar than men, so we didn’t stand out. I am a guy so I was checking them out, I couldn’t help it, but I was also looking at how they were moving and what they were wearing.

We sat down and before long I had relaxed and we were just a bunch of girls out for a night in bar we wouldn’t be hassled in. Although a lesbian did come on to me at one point, and when I told her the truth she was really flattering in her compliments to me saying she hadn’t realised. She also told she was tempted but I should know she’s a top and likes using a strap on if I was interested.

“Can’t we just be friends?” I said and she laughed. She came back with me to our table and we all chatted away. Before long Mo, Pam and Laura had to go home, but I didn’t want to leave. Sue offered me her spare bed and I said yes. Then I remembered my clothes were at Mo’s and as neither Mo nor Sue worked on Friday, she offered to bring them round the next day. I asked if I could have the day off and she laughed and said yes.

The three of them left so me Karen, Sue and me stayed and drank having fun. The lesbian who hit on me, Kim, well her brother, Joe, came over now that there was space to sit and started talking to us and I realised he was flirting with me and because I was trying to act as feminine as I could, I was flirting back.

I went to the ladies and Karen came with me. I felt panicky about it and she calmed me down by saying that girls flirt with guys all the time, it means nothing. I told her it does to him as he might think he’s in with a chance. I went in a stall to have a pee and sat down, thinking nothing of it. After I wiped and stood up, I felt something happen down there. I looked down one of my testicles popped out of me. It didn’t hurt. I gently pushed it back up and it went back into me. I tried it with the other and it went in. I pulled my penis back and then the panties up and I was smooth down there. I’d discovered tucking by accident.

Back in the bar I was more relaxed but still a bit flirty with Joe. Karen had to leave so I kissed her cheek we said goodbye and me and sue carried on. Joe asked me for a dance and I said yes. I watched the other girls and just copied how they were dancing, it wasn’t difficult; a little hip movement, run you hands along your body and you’re doing a sexy dance. I kept flirting with Joe and his hands were on my hips, moving with me, sometimes behind me with our bodies moving against each other. I even rubbed my butt against him a bit as well. Then a slow song came on.

“It’s the last song.” He told me, as he pulled me close. I let it happen. As we danced I could feel him pressing against me. ‘You know I’m not a girl?” I told him.

“Yes, but it’s ok. I’m bi.” He said. Now I did feel scared. He knew what I was but still fancied me, and I could feel his hardness pressing against me. I tried to move away, but he was leading and when I did he moved with me to keep the contact. Finally the song ended and he gave me a kiss on the cheek, but as close to my lips as he could get. “Naughty.” I told him, but he took the opportunity to kiss my lips, just a peck on the lips really.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist it.” He said with a smile as we walked back to the table. Sue was looking at me with a big smile. “He kissed me, I didn’t kiss him.” I told her, but he still had his arm around my waist and I wasn’t pushing him away.

When we left I hugged Kim and Joe gave me a kiss on the cheek again and I kissed his as well. He whispered in my ear that he hoped to see me again. In the car with Sue as soon as the door shut she told me she could see his erection when we walked back. I just laughed it off and reminded her that Kim came onto me as well.

I slept in her spare room and when I woke up realised I only had the clothes I wore the night before. I pulled the skirt and top on and went to have a shower. Back in the room I got fully dressed in last nights clothes and looked in the mirror. My hair was flat again and with no make up I felt a bit silly. I opened the purse and looked to see what I had. I’d repaired my lipstick and mascara in the pub, but this was starting from scratch.

I had some powder so I put that on and it seemed ok, then I put some eyeliner and mascara on, then the lipstick. My hair I just put in a ponytail with a band I found in the room, but put it further up the back of my head. I could hear someone moving about downstairs so headed down, following the smell of coffee. Sue’s fiancée was in there.

“Hi, you must be Steve, although maybe I should call you Sarah. I’m Ron.” He said.

“Hi Ron, and yes, I think like this Sarah makes more sense.” He got me some coffee and Sue walked in, fresh from the shower. She said I did an ok job on the makeup, a three out of five maybe, with an extra half point for effort. We sat and chatted with Ron and he already knew all about what I was doing. He didn’t look down on me or treat me badly in anyway. After he left for work Sue told he was a modern man and not an idiot. “If you were here as Steve he would act the same.”

We waited for Mo to turn up and just after half ten she got here. She came in with a bag and I wondered why she had brought one of Karen’s.

“Are mine in there?” I asked. She looked at me confused for a moment and said that Karen told her these were my clothes. I opened it up and it was all of Karen’s cast off she’d brought along for me to try. I collapsed on the sofa and they told me to put my knees together. I had no clothes; Ron was a lot bigger than me. Sue and Mo told me not to worry, I looked great and they can re do my hair and make up and not to worry.

I felt like a passenger in the conversation. They were going through the clothes and picking something for me to wear and discussing what to do with my hair. They sat me down and started working on me, but this time they explained everything and how to do it, even getting me to do some of it. Before long I’m joining in the conversation and asking questions. I was just being swept along by the tide and decided to swim rather that sink.

Just before midday they declared themselves happy with my look and we were going for lunch somewhere. Wearing a denim skirt and a jumper with a light jacket on, outside was freezing. I was happy to be in the car quickly. Mo and Sue had thicker coats on and felt sorry for me. Sue’s coats were so big on me (she’s taller and quite a bit larger than me), so the first stop was a shop so I could get something better. Thankfully my debit card only had my initials on it, so I got a coat and a pair of knee high boots to wear the rest of the day.

We went for lunch and had a look in the shops and seeing that I was now Sarah for the day, Mo told me more about the beauty contest.

“I really want to win this, we’re a much smaller team, and most of the others will have two people entering. There’s three parts to it, a career part where you dress as your characters job, the swimsuit and off course the evening gown, although they’ll accept cocktail dresses. Are you ok with that?” She looked at and I could see how much she wanted this.

“Yes. What’s the plan?” I asked.

None of the girls at work wanted me to be a drag queen, they wanted me to be as real a woman as possible. It would mean a lot of training and both Sue and Karen were happy to let me stay at theirs while I was Sarah. She’d booked the afternoon off for me the day before the contest to go to a salon and get waxed and my hair done ready for the day of the party. At three on the day I would go with the other entrants to get ready in the conference room and I could have help if needed. Then we would parade to the staff restaurant and after each section we would just mill for a bit before going to the next stage to make the whole thing last longer and get everyone involved in the fun.

I ended up staying at Sue’s again that night and going home on Sunday, with freshly shaved legs and armpits. I’d ordered one of those no-hair things advertised on TV to use on my face to get me as smooth as possible and not worry about a five o’clock shadow. I rarely ever got one anyway, but at least it should take away the hassle of shaving my face as well as my legs and pits.

Back at work, other than the team being happy I was going through with it, my girl team of Mo, Sue and Karen wouldn’t tell anyone any details until they saw it on the day.

On Wednesday after work I went to Karen’s with her and my girl bag with lingerie, shoes and some clothes. We got there before her husband Sid, so I got changed. Tonight was about being Sarah in front of someone new, and other than us going for a quick drink, nothing much happens. Sid was ok with the whole thing, he even said I looked cute which made me blush.

The most embarrassing thing was hearing them have sex when I was in the room next door. Sid was gone when I got up and got dressed as me, which I was pleased about; I didn’t really want to see him as me now. Karen apologised about the loud sex but Sid was horny and he always knows how to turn her on. I wondered if Karen knew that everyone at work knew about the sex tapes with both of them on the internet that showed her and Sid with other couples.

In the end as she was honest with me, I told her as we walked to the bus stop. Turns out she uploaded them as they are both swingers so she wasn’t bothered. They use the videos to hook up with new couples.

The weekend was meant to be with Sue again, but she had to go away so I was with Karen. In a way I was pleased as it meant I had access to a bigger wardrobe. I got changed and by now I was ok with doing my own hair and makeup. She told me we were going clubbing tonight and helped me with the smoky eye look. It was also the first time I had tried liquid eyeliner and after many attempt and removals finally got it right.

Sid came home, jumped in the shower as me and Karen were trying on dresses. I’d forgotten we were in their bedroom when Sid walked in with a towel round his waist. We were both standing there in lingerie, stockings and heels. I tried to cover myself but he told me not to worry, he’s seen me now so what’s the matter. And then he dropped the towel and stood there naked.

“See, there’s not a problem as far as I’m concerned.” He said.

Well there was for me! I was blushing like crazy and when I looked down the blush was over my whole body it seemed. Sid walked over to Karen and gave her a kiss, which turned into a much deeper one. When they separated his penis wasn’t so much hanging as growing a bit. Karen told me to ignore him and not pay any attention to the poser. It was hard to and I felt like he was taking his time on purpose to show off. His penis was impressive and I felt myself wondering about Joe’s when it was pressed against me.

Anyway, he finally put some Calvin’s on and I’m sure he got bigger before he walked out. She told me he was showing off for me, and I’m sure he was fully hard when he walked out. Karen and I had finally picked dresses and I went for a LBD and she went for a red one. My heels for tonight were a little higher than normal, four inches high. I’d been training in them for a while and tonight was the big test for them.

We got back from the club about three, and it was one of the best nights out I’ve ever had. We danced and Sid flirted with me and I flirted with him and other guys. The dancing was a repeat of me and Joe, except that Sid was running his hands over a lot and I felt worried for a minute, he is my friend’s husband after all.

Again I heard them having sex when we got back and in the morning Sid made no effort to hide his nakedness with me. He was playing football later so we went to watch; Karen told me I should wear flats. A could of his team mates were looking at both of us and laughing and I got really paranoid. He came over for a bit and I stifled my anger to ask him if he had told them about me.

“No, they know we swing and they think you’re a swinger as well.” He said. He looked hurt that I accused him of betraying me. “Oh, sorry.” I said. And then for their benefit I put my arms his neck and pulled him closer to me, intending to make them think we were kissing. What happened was we did kiss, I even opened my mouth a little and out tongues played lightly with each other. As we parted I looked him in the eye and said sorry. He smiled and patted my bum saying my pleasure. “Although a few on them will hit on you now, you realise?” He said.

Now I went really red. A few of them did but I gently refused their passes at me. In the evening we just went to the cinema and nothing else happened. I was getting a lot more comfortable being Sarah in public. Sunday I went home and my housemates had gone away for the weekend, so I was back to being me and relaxing. I need that time to get mentally ready for work and stop acting like a girl. The no-hair thing had arrived and when I tried it on my face it worked really well.*

On Wednesday I was back round Karen’s and putting on a short denim skirt with a sleeveless T-shirt when she told me what was planned for the evening. I was going to be surrounded by women and none of them would notice me at all. I had no idea what she was on about until we turned up a big pub that had a function room which we headed for. There was a poster saying it was male stripper night. I looked at her and felt confused. “Trust me,” she said, “you are going to have a great time.”

And I did!

When we got home we were a little drunk. Sid was still up and Karen told him all about the evening, we were all sitting on the sofa and he was in the middle. He asked how the evening was and I felt really embarrassed. Karen told him what happened.

“When we got there she really shocked but I knew she would have a great time. We got a couple of drinks found a seat and the guys came out and started dancing, taking off their clothes. She was really surprised when they got the audience involved and had them rubbing oil on their bodies. We were a bit further back at that point, but before long she was screaming along with the rest us ‘off, off, off’, and they whipped of the thongs.

“Each of the guys then went over to girls who grabbed their cocks and started wanking them to hardness, and that’s when I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head.”

“What happened?” he asked. She went on.

“Well then they moved their cocks to the girls mouth and they started to suck them. The guys danced back to the stage and came back holding cams of cream, which they squirted on their cocks and offered it to women.”

Sid had a big smile on his and I could see his bulge was growing. He looked at Karen and asked, “How many did you try?”

“I had a couple of them in my mouth.” She looked at me, “How many did you have Sarah?”

It was true, when it was offered I was so worried at standing out by not joining in, I licked the cream off. That wasn’t enough for the stripper and he pulled my head towards him and he went in mouth. I was sucking his cock, feeling both enjoyment, embarrassment and a bit of shame that I was doing it. I told Sid this and he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. I found myself cuddling into him.

“Sarah, don’t feel same. You’re a beautiful woman enjoying herself.” He told me and kissed the top of my head. “So how many did you have?” He asked me.

“Five.” I told him. “I’m not sure how many times. There was only one of them I didn’t have in my mouth.”

Sid smiled at me. “Did you want him as well?” I nodded and felt shame. I admitted I was jealous of the girl he took on the stage and she gave him a full blow job till he came.

“Why were you jealous?” Karen asked. Oh god! Why did I say that? I hid my face in my in may hands and Sid cuddled me closer.

I think Karen realised at that point what I was thinking. She reached over and with one of her hands pulled my hands away from my face. I looked at her as she asked me, “Did you want to taste what it was like?” I nodded. With her other hand she was stroking Sid and he was gently stroking my arm with his thumb.

“Do you want to try it now?” She asked as she slowly undid his jeans. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. I really didn’t know what to do as Sid continued to cuddle me and Karen got to her knees in front of him and pulled them down. His erection sprung free and she took it in her hands, stroking it lovingly. I watched as she took him into her mouth and reached the bottom, deep throating. She lifted up and smiled at me. “Join me.” She said. It wasn’t a command or a request, more an I know you want to so why not?

I looked at Sid and he smiled at me and moved in to kiss me gently. This time it was a full on kiss. We broke apart and he said, “I’d like it a lot.” I slid slowly to the floor and knelt next to Karen. She took my hand and put it on his cock, slowly stroking him with my hand before she took hers away. I’d stroked five erect cocks already tonight, but this one was different, the person it belongs to knew who I was. Karen nodded at me and I leant in, licking the head and running my tongue around it. Then I opened my mouth and took him in, enjoying the feel and taste of him in my mouth as I worked up and down. I couldn’t go as deep as Karen but he didn’t seem to mind. As I was sucking away and playing with his balls, I could hear him sighing and moaning, giving him loads of eye contact. It was so erotic, and pleasurable.

I was only half aware that Karen had moved away form me; when I looked up at him she sat next to him and they started kissing. My first threesome and I’m the one with a cock in their mouth I thought. I could feel the passion in him rising and that he was getting close. I sped up to make it happen, I wanted to taste him and I did, swallowing as well. I would never have thought cum was so hot.

In the morning I could hear Sid in the Kitchen and guessed that Karen was still in the shower. I quickly put last nights clothes on and some eyeliner and lipstick and went downstairs. He looked at me and smiled, no shame or problems about what happened last night. I said hi and he it said it back, asking me if I slept well. I apologised if him cumming meant he didn’t have sex with Karen but he told me it was ok; he enjoyed what happened as he sat down at the kitchen table.

This morning I was sober and had no doubts so I sat next to him and put my hand on his penis and felt it start to grow. He looked at me and smiled. So I got under the table and went down on him again which is how Karen found me. She said morning to us both and got her breakfast as he came in my mouth. I swallowed it all again and didn’t feel hungry anymore. He really was a heavy cummer. After he left I jumped in the shower and washed off the makeup ready for work. Karen did tell my girl team about the stripper night but left out all of the details.

Friday I was at Sue’s and we went out for a meal, mainly so I could get dressed up to be in a cocktail dress and stockings and I kept flirting with the waiter. Sue told they had an idea now for the character I would play during the contest and it was either playboy bunny or slutty nurse but no one could decide yet. The team would go out for a drink on Thursday and we would make the final decision so we could get what we needed.

Saturday afternoon I packed my case and got a cab to Karen’s. I’d been shopping in the morning and brought myself a new dress, just because I could. It was red and figure hugging with a flared skirt. I’d also been practising with cleavage makeup so it was low cut.

Tonight I was going clubbing again and I knew what I wanted to do, but not with Sid.

*In real life it doesn’t work very well at all.

Karen let me in her house, and Sid was out watching football at the pub. We sat and chatted for a while, just drinking tea. About six o’clock, Sid came home and we ordered a take-away, while me and Karen went to see what to wear that night. In the end, I borrowed the red bandage dress she wore when we last went clubbing, leaving my new dress hanging in the wardrobe of her spare room. We left at about eight, with me sitting in the front of the cab and the driver looking at my legs. Unless I crossed my legs, when I sit down my panties are on display and I have to admit, I did find it quite thrilling to know that just what the driver was thinking. I still find it hard to believe how much of a slut I was behaving, but it was fun. Sue had warned me I need to make sure I’m careful, I think she was worried I was going to get into trouble somehow; apart from the feeling of being so exposed, and not being able to run in heels, so long as I was always with someone, I felt safe.

At the bar, Karen’s current lover met us, and I paired up with her husband, Sid. He was really attentive and nice to me, I never felt pressured into kissing him through the night, and I loved how it felt as he hands just caressed my bare legs throughout the night. Yes, I did make sure he saw my panties a lot, and I had to keep tugging the dress down to cover my bum when I was walking. I really was exposed. At one point during the night, I was standing and chatting to Karen while the boys were at the bar, when someone said hello to her. I turned round and there was a face I recognised, Joe from work. He worked on a different floor to us, but all the girls loved him. He was really handsome, and even I knew this. He said hello and asked Karen if she was alone, and I realised that they must have slept together at some point. She looked at me with a cheeky grin and I realised that yes, she had. She said she was here with her husband and a friend, but that I was alone. Joe turned to me and started chatting me up!

I had to calm down a bit, and accept it was happening, so far he didn’t know who I was, but he was friendly. Before I realised it, Karen was with the boys and I was chatting away to Joe, sitting on a stool at a table showing him my panties by not crossing my legs and touching his arm when was talked. The five of us went to the club, and Joe actually took my hand at one point walking there, and in the queue had his arm round my waist to keep me warm as neither me nor Karen had come out with jackets. In the club I danced with him, and Sid and Karen’s lover, but Joe surprised me. He kissed me, and I welcomed his tongue into my mouth as I sucked on it. His hands were everywhere and mine were too. I had a really good feel of him, but stopped him from getting his hands too far by saying it was my period. He did still stroke the front of my panties, and even worked his fingers just under the edge a bit, but I let my legs close him down. At the taxi rank, I kissed him goodbye before I jumped in the front seat, with Karen and the boys in the back. I turned to look at them after shutting the door and fanned myself as I started to giggle. Back at Karen’s, she quickly disappeared with her lover to her bedroom, and I sat down with Sid.

“That was really hot, watching you make out with him.” He said. I cuddled up to him and kissed him gently. “So it turned you on?” I asked as I out my hand on his cock, feeling his growing length. I kissed him again, and he picked me up. He carried me to the stairs and up we went, with me looking into his eyes. There was no doubt in my mind was about to happen, and I welcomed it. I needed it. He carried me into the spare room, and laid me on the bed, kissing me as he did so. I started to undo his jeans, pulling them down and reaching in, but he pulled away, slowing me down. We kissed and slowly undressed each other. I was nervous but wanted this, and he was gentle with me. When I was down to my lingerie and he was naked and hard above me, he started to lower my panties, but I stopped him, and just pulled them to the side. I’ve no idea where it was, but he put some lube on his hard and engorged cock, and I spread it around him more as his hand felt my hole, lubed fingers dipping in to me. I felt on fire as we kissed, my passion and lust for him felt so strong I was worried I would ride him all night, but loving the idea of it. He leant down to kiss me and I felt the tip touch me and push against my hole. I was scared of the pain I might feel, but he was gentle as he pushed, and my legs raised up to wrap around him. I felt the pop as the head went in, and saw stars as the new feeling exploded in me. Yes, it hurt a little, but it was a good feeling and I wanted this, I needed it, and I pulled him toward me, and he waited as I got used to the size of him. Slowly and gently, he pushed into me, kissing me as he slid in. Finally he stopped pushing forward and kissed me as he was fully in. We kissed as I got used to the size of him, he was huge and the feeling of being stretched and full was amazing. He started to slowly make love to me, and I pulled him in till he came deep inside me, filling me with his seed. We lay together for a bit then he slowly pulled out, making me miss the feeling of him in me. “Don’t worry”, he said, “there’s still time for more.”

He was right, I rode him cowgirl later, and in the morning we made slow passionate love for what seemed like hours till he brought me to a screaming orgasm. We both got up at after that one went downstairs to find Karen and her lover on the sofa. Karen was in a robe and he was dressed, ready to leave. Karen had a big smile on her face as he shook Sid’s hand and left. She went over to Sid, gave him a big kiss and said to him, “See, I told you she would love it?” She came over and gave me a hug and said, “Welcome to womanhood”. The rest of the day we just lounged around the house before I went to get changed to go home, then decided against it, and just stayed as Sarah. I didn’t see my flatmates at home, so just settled down to think like a man for work tomorrow, and hope that some of the soreness I felt down below would be gone by then. At work, my girl team still were keeping my progress a secret from everyone, and I shared a lift with Joe at one point, and even though I nodded a hello at him, he didn’t recognise me as a the girl he had spent the evening with. That was a thrilling moment, although I did think about how turned on I was kissing him and wondered what it would feel like to have sex with him. Karen said she’d never ridden anyone like she’d ridden him, so I guessed that must mean he’s good. I had to think of something else at that point as I realised how thirsty I was for him. I need to control that, especially as the party is only in two weeks time. On Wednesday I was out with Karen again, and the plan was for me to spend the weekend there as well. I was a bit worried about sex with Sid again, but Karen told me to relax and enjoy it if it happens, which it did, twice. I also made out with another two guys from work, something that made me feel empowered that they didn’t know.

---------

Finally it was the day before the Christmas party, and with my girl team, we had the afternoon off to go to a spa. I was nervous, but Mo had spoken to them about me, and they were ok with it. I got changed at Karen’s and off we went. I was pampered to my heart’s content, and I loved every second of it. I had my hair and nails done, a full waxing and felt so smooth after it. One of the people there who knew about me suggested I try a treatment and I went off with him. He was very camp and obviously gay and totally relaxed with me being who I was. I was nervous about this, but the idea was kinda fun, so I lay on my side as he put a tube into my bottom and I had a colonic irrigation. “Trust me, you’ll feel really clean for days.” He whispered in my ear. We had a chat for a while. With the machine doing its magic to me, and I told him about the plan for tomorrow, he complimented me on my new hair style, and the extensions that had been added. Finally the machine was finished and when he wiped me, he slid a finger in. “Yep, really clean.” He said. I giggled as he did it, but it was only a little sexual as he’d already admitted he didn’t fancy me, he liked men who are men. “Me too.” I said.

I stayed at Karen’s that night, sorting out my costumes and clothes for tomorrow. I’d had sex with Sid earlier as otherwise I’d have probably slept with him all night, which seemed a bit unfair to Karen to keep doing that. In the morning, I woke as he climbed into bed with me, and I couldn’t help but smile as we started kissing and he fucked me hard, filling me his hot cum. As he slowly pulled out of me, he said he wanted to send me to work with a little something extra to keep me smiling before the competition. After a quick shower and doing my makeup, I put on one of Karen’s work suits, dark blue, with a sleeveless cream blouse, a necklace, bracelet and one ring. I’d picked the suit for the skirt more than anything, a short tight one that was only just long enough to cover my stocking tops, something else I couldn’t resist for the day. I slipped on the black four inch heels, knowing they would kill me through the day, but for the overall look, totally worth it. My travel suitcase with my costumes and party dress was downstairs and I was ready to have a slice of toast before leaving. Karen and Sid were already downstairs, and I stepped in to the kitchen, feeling great. I was nervous for the day, but feeling positive. “Wowser!” Sid said as he stepped over to give a kiss. “You look great, Sarah.” Karen said. I felt Sid start to get hard against me, and yeah, I couldn’t resist. “I can’t let you go to work like this.” I told him and I knelt right there and gave him a blow job, enjoying the feeling of his cock in my mouth and loving the taste of his cum. I didn’t need breakfast after that, and decided to skip a cup of tea for a coffee at work. Plus I had to admit, in my vampy slutty way, I liked the idea of walking along with fresh cum in my stomach and ass as I waited for the bus with Karen.

He looked at me and said, “Hi Andi, you look pretty. I saw you say goodbye to your new girlfriend is it? Anyway, you can tell me about it later as I hope you ladies are all ready?” And with that I learned we were going out to eat as dad was visiting for a couple of days before going back to the old house.

Walking out the house with my family and wearing a lot less clothes than they’ve seen me in for years felt a bit weird, but they just accepted me. I think I have a great family.

The meal was fun and it was great to see dad again. My sister talked me into taking the shirt off so I was just sitting there in shorts and the vest, but no one had an issue. When we got home my sister made it very clear she wanted to speak to me, so we went to her room.

She wanted to know about the last few days and I told her everything. I showed her the photos of me in the tartan mini dress and the other items I tried on, and as she was flipping through the pics on my phone, she stopped and looked up at me, then showed me the pic. I had taken a topless pic in the changing room mirror just wearing a pair of pink hot pants. My faced burned and I tried to grab the phone from her, but she said only if she gets to see what I’ve been hiding from everyone for months. I finally let her see my boobs and she was surprised at how developed they were.

The next day I went shopping with my sister, wearing the same underwear and a pair of skinny jeans, but my sister leant me one of her fitted tee shirts. It was red, which I was against at first, but I have to admit I did like the way it fitted me. Turns out the ‘rents gave her money to help me (and I suspect to find out more), but I was ok. I didn’t want to hide anything from them, it felt unfair, so I knew I would have a long chat with mum soon. I ended up buying quite a few packets of underwear, got a few tops from Primark, two sets of sleepwear (the shorts and vest kind). My sister got a couple of tee shirt dresses, then told me the next place would be a treat. We went to a posh shop and I got three matching sets of really nice lingerie, one in black, red and pink, and a lacy teddy in green which I have to admit I loved. On the way home my sis said how excited she was to be able to go shopping for sexy lingerie with me as it was horrible doing it with mum.

Once home I unpacked everything and it turns out the two dresses she bought were for me, then she gave me a few pairs of her shoes she didn’t wear anymore. These included a pair of knee high suede boots with a three inch heel and a pair of high heeled platforms court shoes, pumps as some call them but I couldn’t think of when I would ever wear them. With the platform they must have been five inches high, and she told me I would like how they make my legs look.

I touched up my makeup to head round to Sarah’s and for the first time in my life I really had to decide what to wear. I knew I wanted to wear the sexy red set of lingerie, not worrying about the suspender belt as I didn’t have stockings anyway. I knew they would hold my tuck, so I wasn’t overly worried and was going to wear the shorts I wore yesterday, but I kept looking at the tee shirt dresses, Should I?

It’s a big step to make, what would Sarah think? Screw it, in for a penny, in for a pound. It was a polo style tee shirt dress and came down to about mid thigh in baby blue. It was a lot of flesh to show, but technically less than the shorts. I picked up my handbag and headed for the door. Sis saw me and tried to say something, but I kept walking saying, “Don’t say anything or I will change my mind!” I opened the door and walked around the corner. Sarah loved the look and told me to keep what I wore yesterday, but she did want the boots back, and as I was wearing them today we went to buy a pair for me when I also picked up some tights, two pairs of stockings and a pair of hold up stockings.

I’d mentioned that I wanted to say thanks to my family and Sarah knew a shop with some great cards. My sister got one with a hot naked man on it, but with a towel hiding the good bits, my dad a classic car as he likes watching car shows, and mum one with some flowers on it.

The shop also had lots of little gifts like clocks, ornaments and so on, and some things called ‘massagers’ which were very obviously vibrators and next to them some dildos.

I looked at Sarah and she laughed saying, “Well where do you think I got mine?”

My mouth dropped open and I asked if she really did have one? “Yeah, don’t you have one?” I gave her a look and she said, “Come on, you must have tried something?”

As she picked one up at random just looking at it, I said, “Well, I do have a favourite hairbrush.”

She squealed in delight, and said I needed something better, so we looked and tried to work out what would be best for me. We weren’t sure if a vibrator would work for me, but we did know hairbrushes did, so I picked something up, looked at her and asked what she thought? She thought it might be big, but I pointed out she hadn't seen my hairbrush!

Five minutes later we were heading back to hers, me with a gift bag including five and half inches of insertable length dildo with ‘realistic’ balls and a suction base. Oh, and some cards.

I thought they would ask for some ID, but as they weren't technically a sex shop, they never asked so I didn't say anything. Sarah got a little gift for me as well, I knew she got something but didn't realise what it was, but now I also had a douche to use. We collapsed on the bed together, laughing and comparing our toys and it wasn’t long before we started making out again. It was a lot of fun having hands up each others skirts and it didn’t take long for us to end up with fingers inside each others pants.

Feeling my tuck be undone by someone I liked, she stroked me gently and pulled me out through the leg hole. It was standing upright and it would hold up the skirt of my dress with it, but to be fair I didn’t care as my fingers explored her vulva, her clit and then slipped into her vagina. As we masturbated each other, two thoughts crossed my mind, why did I think the guy on the card was hot, and why did I chose something that looked like a penis and bigger than me own penis?

We were interrupted by her front door closing, and footsteps on her stairs. We both jumped up and tried to get covered up, but I still had a problem that I couldn't tuck. Her bedroom door opened and I sat on the bed, hoping I could hide it. Sarah’s mum looked in and asked if she was ok, and then looked at me. “Andi? Is that you? What are you making him do?”

So I quickly had to explain my medical situation and said if she calls my mum she can explain it all. She looked a bit suspicious and repeated that the door needs to stay open. If we hadn’t done that I dread to think what she would have seen as we wouldn't have heard her come in. Ten minutes later, thanks to Sarah’s helping hand, I was tucked and on way home.

The next two weeks I seemed to be spending all my time dressed in shorts or the tee shirt dresses, but the day finally came that we would go to the alternative club. It was really just a normal bar that was rented out and not that big, but had a downstairs dance area. Sarah really wanted me to go all out to look good and we chatted a lot about what to wear.

In the end I wore my knee high boots with he three inch heel, along with a black pleated skirt and a white crop top vest. Under that I had my first ever tee shirt bra as I really liked it, and a new discovery in underwear, a thong. Thankfully they would hold me in place and I felt quite comfortable and enjoyed feeling the skirt move against my bum as I walked. I had got my sister onside for the outfit in case my parents tried to stop me, but I shouted a ‘see you later’ and they told me when I had to be home and out I went for the short walk to Sarah’s. She came out the moment I rang the bell, wearing the tartan mini dress I had my eye on, with a wide belt and ankle boots. We walked to bus stop to get there, intending to get a cab back.

The bus dropped us a short walk from the club and when we got there they asked us for ID and put a red stamp on our wrist meaning we wouldn’t be able to buy alcohol, but I was ok with that. She introduced me to some of the people behind forming the club, then we got two cokes with straws and sat down to chat. After about ten minutes two guys sat at the table next to us, and before long one started chatting to Sarah and I realised he was chatting her up, and flirting with her, and she was flirting back. I felt a bit jealous, but then his friend moved to our table and started chatting to me.

I felt really nervous, they were both older than us and what would they say if they knew I was really a boy? Ok, a boy with boobs, but still very much a boy in my thong. They went to get us a drink and Sarah said we should go to the ladies. I was nervous but she gave me a hug and told me not to worry, this is just a bit of harmless flirting.

When we got back to the table the two guys came back and I was suddenly worried they may have put something in our drinks, but Aaron whispered in my ear that it was ok, there was nothing in it as after they saw the stamps on our wrists they looked after them for us. Chatting to him I decided to let him know that I was almost 15 in case he got any ideas and he admitted he wasn't even 18 yet himself. I told him a bit about how I had just moved here and so on, he told me he was joining the navy soon.

I felt really comfortable with him, and Sarah seemed to be getting on well with his friend. On our next trip to the ladies, she told me that her guy had suggested we go to the bar a few doors along to play a game of pool for a bit, but wanted to know how I felt about it. I agreed, it might be fun, so the four of us went next door and Aaron’s friend went to that bar while he sorted out the pool table and we sat there looking at him.

Sarah asked me if I thought he was cute, and I admitted I did and she told me she liked her guy. We agreed we would just let whatever happens happen, and Sarah said to me, “now your fem side is coming out, maybe you need to see what it’s like for us girls.”

I had to think about it, but after the game started, I told her, ‘yes, but can we keep what we have as well?’ She gave me a hug and said definitely.

Aaron stood behind me when I was playing and Steve stood behind Sarah. It was only when I could see her behind I realised what they were both doing, they were checking out our bums!

Ok, it’s like that is it. When I next bent over the table I stuck mine right back, bending at the waist to make sure he could see. After the game we sat at a table and just chatted till we finished out drinks and went back the club. On the short walk I felt Aaron slip his hand into mine and I really liked it, looking up at him and smiling.

Sarah suddenly stopped, looked at her guy put her arms around his neck and they kissed. I was watching my girlfriend kiss another man right in front of me. Wait, am I really a man? I’m kinda between both, but holding Aaron’s hand I’m not sure I could be called a man.

Anyway, he slowed down and I slowed down with him. I think he stopped first, but we were both standing there, looking at each other while holding hands. He leant forward and down slightly as he was taller than me. I looked up and lifted myself up on my tip toes. I leant into him and our lips touched lightly and my eyes closed. I was kissing him. I felt his mouth open and his tongue touched my lips and I opened them to let him in. I stood there kissing him on the street feeling his erection grow against my stomach as one of his hands slides up my body to cup my right boob.

I liked it.

In the club we made out a bit more, and Sarah and her guy went to dance, and I looked at Aaron. “I need to tell you something and I hope you don’t hate me for it.”

He put a finger under my chin and lifted my face up to see him. He was smiling at me. “It’s ok,” he said, “you can tell me.”

So I checked no one else could hear me and I told him the truth about me. He moved a hand to my leg, gently stroking me with his thumb. He said, “Thank you for trusting me.”

He leant in and kissed me again.

I’m not sure when Sarah got back, but suddenly she seemed to be there smiling at me, and I realised I had a hand up my skirt and on my hip. I sneaked a look at the time and saw I still had two hours to curfew, and Sarah told me that Aaron has a car and they’ve offered to take us home later, making me smile.

I’m not sure who suggested it, but we ended up going for a walk. There was a park nearby and we were all walking through it. Sarah and her guy stopped at a bench and we walked to the next one. Obviously we were going to be having a make out session with them and this was just somewhere a bit more private to do it.

I was both nervous and excited at the same time.

Sitting there kissing Aaron his hands were on my legs, my boobs and up my skirt again and I felt my hand on his cock, feeling the hardness there.

He was so much bigger than me. I think it was just the heat of the moment, but I ended up giving him a handjob in the park, then he whispered in my ear, ‘I’m going to cum’ and I didn’t know what to do, but I felt myself willingly leaning forward and I took him my mouth, using my hand and tongue to finish what I had started.

He flooded my mouth and I swallowed as fast as I could, only a little ran down his cock but I licked it up eagerly, wondering what had happened to me to be enjoying this so much. I sat up and smiled at him, then looked across to see Sarah on her knees sucking away herself.

Aaron hugged me to him and lifted me onto his lap with my legs astride him. He started rubbing me down there and I was squirming on his lap. I felt him lift me a bit to encourage me to stand up and then he pulled my thong down.

I tried to stop him but he was gentle and reassuring and I think to be honest I wanted it. He helped me step out of them and pulled me back onto his lap. I was fully erect and tenting my skirt in public.

Ok it was getting dark and no one was around, but still, I was fully erect and tenting my skirt in public!

He kissed my neck and stroked my legs, teasing me, getting closer each time until finally he brushed against my erection but kept his hand moving away from it. I pushed myself down on him, I wanted this badly. Finally he touched it and wrapped his hand around me, slowly stroking me.

I felt like I was on fire. With Sarah it was erotic but this was off the scale! He was kissing my neck and stroking me and I told him I was going to cum. I lifted the front of my skirt and he kept going, shooting my cum out in front of us. As I came down from my high I looked across to Sarah and she gave me a thumbs up while still sucking away. Aaron took a tissue from his pocket and cleaned me up as I deflated in his hand, squeezing out the last drops and covering me with my skirt. I finally put my legs together as I turned to face him and we kissed. We heard Sarah finally get her guy off but we just sat together and waited.

Someone must have suggested we go back to the club before they take us home and I realised I wasn’t wearing any underwear and looked for it. Aaron whispered it’s ok, he has them and will give them back to me in the club.

I was scared silly at this point as we started walking, trying to hold my skirt down in case there was a gust of wind with one hand while holding his hand with my other. There was no wind at all and feeling myself swing down there as we walked felt weird and wrong. I begged him for them back but he just gave me a kiss and a smile and told me he liked knowing I wasn’t wearing anything.

Sarah was suddenly next to me, she sensed something was wrong so we walked ahead of the guys and she asked me if I was ok with what happened? I told her that was fine, good in fact, it’s just that he’s not giving me my thong back! Sarah gave me a hug and out of sight of the boys put her hand under my skirt, felt me up a bit and her eyes went wide.

She gave Aaron a dirty look and was about to have a go at him, but I told her what he said and she giggled. She said, “Ok, that is funny. You better not get excited.”

And she walked back to her guy and Aaron came back and took my hand. How could she be so mean to me! Aaron stopped, pulled me close and gave me a kiss, stroking my bum and boobs and then I felt his erection against my stomach and then I felt myself twitch below.

He must have felt it too as he increased the intensity, kissing my neck and trying to turn me on, slipping a hand under my skirt and stroking me a little. When I was fully hard he broke the kiss and said, “Come on, let’s go back. Guide the way for me.”

And he smiled a smile that really didn't help me at all! I’m not that big, only about four inches when fully hard, but I looked down and even with the pleats of the skirt it looked obvious as he held my hand as we walked. I tried to put my handbag in front of me but the strap wasn’t long enough and now I could see the club, in fact I was pointing towards it and at the sky too!

I tried to crouch over to hide it as we walked but I could feel myself holding the skirt down at the front and lifting it at the back. I looked at Aaron and he was smiling and his eyes flicked down so I looked. I wasn’t tenting anymore, I was holding it up with the head poking out from under and very much on display.

I flipped my skirt to cover it and then we were out of the park and crossing the road. Why didn’t it occur to me to just stop and demand them back? Why was I letting myself be led along like this?

Ok, on some level I was quite liking it, I know that now, I know why I didn’t demand them, Sarah knew it too and knowing it turned them on was, well, fun.

We walked into the club, showing them our wrist stamps and no one seemed to notice what I had going on. The boys took us to the bar and got us a couple of soda’s and Aaron was doing just enough to stop me from going down, and still no one noticed. Sarah was trying not to laugh and her guy had no idea.

Finally we walked to a table and sat downed I put my bag on my lap as the tent was going to lift up the front of my skirt while Aaron stroked my leg out of sight of everyone. Finally he put his hand in his pocket and handed my thong to me in his fist. I jammed them into my bag as quick as I could, grabbed Sarah’s hand and pulled her towards the toilets.

As we walked past people, I was keeping myself covered, but several times I had to squeeze past and it touched them. This was awful and not helping me at all! We both went into a cubicle and I started to put my thong on, but now faced another problem, how was I going to tuck?

Well, five minutes later we both went back to the guys and thankfully Sarah had lent me a helping hand again and although it was still tough to tuck and I had a bit of a bulge, under the skirt it wasn’t obvious and I felt very relieved. I did get to sort the tuck properly before the boys drove us home and I managed to get to my room before my mum saw my smeared lipstick from a very intense goodnight kiss. Turns out despite everything that happened I’d agreed to see him in a couple of days and we swapped numbers.

The following morning, Sarah came round and dragged me to my bedroom. Inside she asked me one question, “How brave do you feel today?” I had no idea what she was talking about and she pulled a bikini out of her bag. She didn't say it to me last night, but the girls we met at the mall were going to the beach and she wanted to know if I wanted to go as well. I really wasn’t sure but she suggested I try it first, so I made her leave the room and I looked at it. It wasn’t super revealing but it was a bikini. Did I really want to do this?

It would be nice to go to the beach, but I’m not a great swimmer. I took my tee shirt off and looked at the top, it was easy to put on and tied at the back which was a bit difficult but I managed it. I looked at the bottoms and slipped out of my joggers and pulled my pants down. Stepping into them I could feel them stretch and thought ok, this might work as well. I did my tuck and pulled them all the way up. They seemed to hold me ok, and I did a few lunges and bends to see how they felt and if they were secure enough, sitting down, squats and so on. I looked at myself in the mirror and yeah, I looked ok.

I opened the door to let Sarah back in and in rushed my sister as well. Sarah explained she had told her and she wanted to see as well, and the first thing she said is I need to do something better with my hair. I then ended up sitting there and them both playing with my hair and insisting I go to a hairdresser at some point before school.

Once they seemed happy I started to put some makeup on and my sister left for a bit, coming back with a pair of shorter shorts than I already had and a white skimpy crop top that tied at the front, so I put them on and now I looked beach ready. Sis handed me a bigger bag and put a towel in, telling me to put some clean underwear in as well, so in went a thong as well as these shorts are really short.

I went downstairs and just before I got to the door mum said, “Stop right there young lady, you're not going out like that!”

I was really hoping she wouldn't see me, it didn’t even bother me that she called me a young lady. Mum walked over and said, “Sunscreen, you need sunscreen if you’re going to wear that outfit.”

And she sprayed my arms and as I wiped it in, she sprayed my legs, then put it in my bag and told me to have a nice time and off we went.

The beach was so much fun, just sunbathing and chatting with the girls. Yes I told them about Aaron and Sarah told them I was seeing him again and they shared stories with me of other boys they had dated and things they’ve done, even giving each others sex tips.

They thought it was funny what he did, but were also empathetic for me for the fear I must have felt. One of them had a boy steal her favourite panties and she was still mad at him as she had to walk home in a very short dress that barely covered her as she was afraid to get the bus knowing she would be on show.

About one o’clock we packed everything in our bags to go and eat and there I was, walking along in a bikini with a group of girls, with boys and some creepy old men checking us out, but we hit a shop and picked up some water and crisps and as we turned to head back, bumped into Dave and one of his friends. He did a double take when he saw me and I blushed, especially as the girls looked at me and him, and then each other with a giggle.

I just wanted to tell them to grow up, but Dave was checking me out and I realised I told him I was a boy and here I am in a bikini with very obvious boobs and nothing obvious below. I’m not sure how it happened but they ended up walking back with us, but as neither of them had swimming stuff with them they were unlikely to stay for long. When we picked a new spot and laid out our towels and they both sat down with us, his friend paired off with Jodie and chatted away, while Dave sat down with me and Sarah.

He was fun to talk too, the three of us shared some of the same interests and he seemed nice. Sarah excused herself to go to the toilets and walked off with Jane and suddenly I’m sitting there with him while Jodie chats to his friend and the other girls laid on their backs to work on their tan. Dave leant towards me to say something, saying, “Can I ask you a question?”

I nodded a yes as it was obvious what was coming. “I thought you were a boy?”

I told a little bit more about the extra X, why I have boobs and that yes, I am a boy, but if I wanted to go to the beach it’s easier this way. His eyes flicked down and before he could ask I told him about tucking but could see he wasn’t quite sure if I was telling the truth. I looked him in the eye and said, “Ok, if you promise to say nothing about these,” and I pointed to my boobs, “then I will prove it.”

And I pulled the front of my bikini bottoms down a bit and he could see the base of my tucked dick where a vulva should be. His eyes went wide but I could see he finally believed me. I said, “You’re not weirded out by that are you?”

He said no, he was just so surprised as he’s never seen me looking anything other than a girl. “Well, normally I would be more androgynous and it would be easier to believe me. But this is actually much easier and I haven’t been to the beach in two years or even thought about getting a tan. Speaking of which,” I tuned and laid down on my stomach and handed him the sunscreen. “Would you mind?”

As he opened the bottle I untied the bikini top and moved the straps out of his way as he very nervously starting spraying it on me. And that’s how Sarah found us. I told him to make sure he covered my legs as well, and it felt really nice, like a mini massage. He did my back and I asked him to make sure he got all the exposed skin, so yes, he did go inside and outside of my thighs, getting as close he would dare to go. He definitely touched me down there, just for a fraction of a second and it felt nice, but he stayed well away after that.

Sarah decided to get in on the teasing and asked him to do hers as well, so the poor boy was really suffering. The other girls thought it hilarious and tried to hide their giggles, but his friend was clearly jealous and wanted to ask Jodie if he could do the same. I snuck a look at Dave and it might just have been his shorts gathering fabric, but it could also have been something else.

When he finished he sat down and tried to ignore us, so it definitely wasn't something else.

After about ten minutes, he said he would see us all later and him and his friend left, clearly recovering. Sarah and I jumped up to talk to the girls, holding our tops in place with our hands as we all talked at once. They thought he liked me, but I pointed out I’m a boy so he probably likes Sarah more. Anyway, after half an hour of talking about them, me, Sarah and Jodie went into the sea while the other two girls looked after our stuff.

We just splashed about for a bit, but I was too nervous to go too far out. Jodie and Sarah were great swimmers, but after a while it was time to go so we headed back. We dried ourselves off, then headed to a nearby ladies to change out of our swimwear, taking it in turns in a cubicle. When I changed I realised I hadn’t brought a bra with me, so I just put the top back on and I was very worried about the bow I had tied, and very aware of my nipples and the thin material of the top. They were standing out as always but when I walked out and looked in the mirror I could even kinda make out the aureoles.

The girls all told me I looked fine, but getting the bus home I felt like everyone was looking. Still, at least I didn’t need to worry about them thinking I was a boy. Me and Sarah didn’t talk much on the bus and I found myself thinking about my day in a bikini, how nice it felt when Dave was touching me and wondering what I would wear for my date tomorrow with Aaron.

Jodie and Sarah both pointed out it was clear that he liked me even though he knew I was really boy and that if I want to I should have sex with him, making me gasp in surprise. They both said if I’m happy using my dildo most days, then I will be really happy with how a real one feels inside me.

Two days later, I was sitting in a Starbucks on a double date with Sarah. Aaron looked hot and I even thought his friend looked good, although I purposefully kept getting his name wrong as he is going to be with Sarah. I was in my baby blue tee shirt dress and the knee high boots, Sarah was in a summer dress that came to mid thigh but with her New Rocks on.

The date was fun, but also felt a little awkward in a way, I guess the fun of the other night was on our minds and now we were dating in reverse, but slowly things got easier. At some point we left and walked through town and the shopping precinct, which was weird it being so empty of shoppers, but also kinda felt romantic strangely.

I stopped to kiss Aaron every now and then, while Sarah did the same with her guy. I loved feeling Aaron hard against me, and even undid his flies and put my hand in there to hold him and walking along like that. Sarah later told me I was sending him some pretty big messages but to be honest, I wanted that to happen and had prepared before we left.

I half guided him to a little alleyway next to a shop and he half guided me there as well. Soon we were out of the bright lights kissing intensely and both his hands were up my dress up my hips and I was very much on display, but by then I had already got Aaron out into the air as well, tasting him between kisses. I turned my back towards him and felt him lift up one of my legs, his erection rubbing on my groin and pressing lightly as he instinctively tried to enter me.

I opened my bag and quickly put some lube on him as he pulled my thong to the side and slipped in easily. As he slowly fucked me I leant back to kiss him and there I was, looking out at a shop with a cock inside me and a hand up my dress caressing my boobs as we kissed. It was wonderful, it felt right and then I noticed that Sarah was getting similar treatment from her guy in the alleyway, with a condom wrapper at his feet.

I thought, ‘oh well, at least I can’t get pregnant’. It really felt good, so much better than my dildo or hairbrush, better than anything I have ever felt in my life. He was hitting something inside me that felt amazing and sending pleasure through every part of my body it seemed. I wanted this to last but he didn’t quite get me there. I could feel the desire to cum building in me and if only he had lasted a minute longer I think it may have happened. He thrust himself deep into me as we kissed and I could feel him twitching and pulsing in me as he filled me with his cum. He slowed down and held me, inside me still and kissed me gently on the neck. We both watched Sarah and his friend for a bit then he whispered in my ear, “Do you want to cum?”

I nodded and he wrapped his hand around my own little erection, I must have slipped out when we fucked and was just pointing out, but it soon disappeared into his fist as he slowly stroked me. My lust was still high and feeling him in me still just added to the erotic nature of my first time.

It didn’t take long for me to start shooting my own cum, shooting much further than it had before. Aaron whispered in my ear again how great that felt for him as I squeezed him inside me, and he would make sure I was always first, just to feel that again as he slowly pulled out of me.

God, he felt great in me.

I sorted myself out, using a tissue to wipe away the little cum that dribbled out of me, tucked and dressed myself again. Sarah’s guy looked close to finishing but he was watching me all the time he was having sex with her, so he saw my thing, so while sorting out my bra that had been pushed up, I flashed my boobs at him before I pulled my dress down and joined Aaron to wait outside the alley.

After fixing our make up we went into a Costa this time for a coffee. I felt kinda slutty sitting there with a man’s cum inside me and in the toilets me and Sarah almost screamed in excitement at what had just happened. I had lost my virginity and Sarah got something she needed that I couldn't really give her.

Yes I have a penis but it’s not that big and I know that, my condition means it will never be big unless I decide to pick the male option, so until the day I pick that I’m ok with her having someone if it means I get to enjoy feeling what I feel inside me right now.

And I got a cum top up later that evening before we were dropped off at home. He wanted to see me on Saturday but that day I had to keep free as I was finally turning 15 and spending the whole day with my family.

Over the next week I saw Aaron twice, but between me and Sarah things cooled down a bit, not surprising really. She very much likes her guy, and to be honest I don’t blame her. We did talk about it in a bit of detail and she admitted she thinks she’s a little bi and she found herself attracted to me, but is very aware that she prefers, well, men. Which is where the conversation turned to me and what I liked admitting that yes, I think I am a little bi and enjoyed our make out sessions, but when I kissed Aaron for the first time, well, something clicked inside me.

Not that, get your mind out of the gutter, although, yes, that as well once it happened. It’s like it confirmed for me what I’ve known for a while.

I like guys.

But apart from that, during the week I was flipping between being a boy and a girl depending on my mood. Sometimes I felt more fem than others and I lent into that side of me, sometimes less so and went back to my more androgynous self. I bumped into Dave on one of those days and we hung out for a couple of hours in town. The only interesting thing to report is when he needed to loo, I went with him into the mens and stood one urinal away while I peed.

At least that fully confirmed I am a boy down there at least to him.

When I woke up on Saturday it there were two things I couldn't miss; my sister shouting happy birthday as she opened the curtains and how bright it was! While having some cereal the ‘rents said it was going to be a hot day today but wouldn't tell me anything about what was planned. I still felt a bit nervous to be around dad dressed as a girl, I mean, I know he says he’s ok with it but I am a boy, so I picked out a pair of skinny jeans, baggy tea shirt and converse.

Of course, when I walked downstairs they were waiting for me and all dressed for a really hot day, so my dad just asked my sister if she has something she could lend me so I wouldn’t bake all day, with mum suggesting a summer dress, so back upstairs I go with her and after changing my underwear to something more suitable along, I came back down in an above the knee summer dress with a handbag and light make up, and now wearing white converse instead of black ones.

Turns out the plan was to get me some more clothes as I was spending more and more time as a girl, but I didn’t mind, it was so much fun. At some point me and my sister Claire decided to dump our bra’s in our bags as the day was already getting hot. Mum noticed of course but said nothing.

After picking up a couple of outfits and some shoes, we stopped for some food before heading out to a zoo of all places. I can’t remember the last time I went to one and we spent a very happy day as a family, even if my sister did dare me to walk around for an hour without any underwear on. I made her do it as well and the deal was we had to look after each other to make sure there was no cheating.

I wanted to tell her that it’s not like I haven't done this before, although at least this time there was nothing to make me ‘stand up’.

I was very aware of a couple of cute guys there and giggling about them with Claire and how we were going commando. It was really nice not feeling anything restricting me, but I did miss feeling smooth so I guess it’s a swings and roundabouts thing. Anyway, we put them back on before heading home and had a family movie night, eating pizza and popcorn till we felt like we would explode. I really do feel like this is the perfect summer before school starts in just over a week.

The last week before school obviously involved mum insisting I make sure I’m ready for my last year and reminding me how important my GCSEs are, but I did get to see Aaron twice and hung out with Sarah a lot. We didn’t do a lot, it was just moaning about the summer being over, but when we were out we bumped into Dave.

I could tell he wanted to talk to me, and I wasn’t the only one. Sarah was being really annoying and kept talking and after a couple of minutes I started to get it. Dave had admitted that while he knew Sarah, the whole goth thing really intimidated him a bit. But then Sarah said, “Oh, stay here I’ll be back in a second I need to say hello to someone.”

We watched her walk off, and Dave turned back to me. I of course could see her over his shoulder and she just stood there watching us with a smile on her face.

“Hi Dave.”

He looked really nervous and I think I could guess that he wanted to ask me out, which is a surprise as today I definitely wasn’t dressed or presenting as a girl, no make up, he knows I’m a boy really. Ok, a boy with boobs, but he knows this. He knows nothing about me and Aaron, no idea what my sexuality is, and here he is looking nervous like he’s about to ask me out.

Should I help him out?

He said, “So Andi, I wondered if you wanted to go and see a film?”

Not what I expected, so I said, “What, I go to yours or you come to mine to watch Netflix?”

He blushed, and said, “No, no. I mean, that would be ok too, but I was thinking of going to the cinema, maybe?”

Ok, he does look cute when embarrassed.

“Yeah, that will be nice. But you do know I’m actually a boy, right?”

He blushed again, answering, “Yeah, of course. I was just thinking it would be nice to hang out before school starts.”

I stood there and looked at him, thinking over what I would say. I knew I was going to say yes, but I maybe needed to make some things a bit clearer.

“Yes, and I know you’ve seen me in a bikini, but when we go to school I will be there as a boy all the time, you know that, right?”

He answered so quickly I was wondering if he was trying to hide something about himself. “Yes, of course, it’s just two mates going to the cinema, nothing else. Is that ok with you?”

I nodded and Sarah saw that as her queue to come back, and the three of us hung out for a couple of hours. She of course was desperate to know what we talked about, but there were no chats in the girls toilets today so she had to wait. When I told her not he bus she was actually excited and told me just how nice Dave is and that we would make a lovely couple.

So we went to the cinema together the next day and with school about to start I was probably the most manly I had looked for a long time. No make up, I was wearing jeans and kept my boobs as hidden as possible, but I was still directed to the ladies by someone. Anyway, we watched the film and as walked home we held hands a couple of times, but it was just a sweet little thing. I mean, I like him, I think he is sweet but I’m not sure if I want to date him. Maybe once Aaron has left in a week or so I would feel differently as I think discovering sex has maybe confused some of my feelings, plus I have no idea how things will be in school if I was openly dating a boy.

Anyway, who knows.

All too soon it was the start of the school year and in my new uniform with the strangely itchy trousers I waited for Sarah to come round as my mum was driving us both to school and she was going to be my designated ‘guide’ for the day. I wore no makeup as I didn’t want my fem side to be on show and kept my hair tied back in a ponytail per the dress code. I did check that out online as I didn’t want to cut my hair and the code wasn’t gender specific I noticed so I could either wear it down if I wanted or the suggested ponytail I went for.

After the stuff mum had to do I was given a timetable and Sarah showed me to my homeroom, she was in a different one to me but a lot of our lessons were the same and she said where we would meet, so I walked in the room.

Of course people looked at me as the new kid and I looked for somewhere to sit and I saw Dave, he smiled at me and called me over and I sat down with him, saying hello’s and so on. After that the day was just another school day and me trying to work out the layout of the school.

I did meet up with Aaron that evening, and the sex was good as always but he seemed less willing to talk, we just seemed to get down to things very quickly. But once he had cum in me and got his breathe back, he told me he was leaving next week and had known the date for a while now, but kept it from me.

I wasn’t upset, I like him and enjoy having sex with him, but he’s my first, not my first love and not my first boyfriend. Even Sarah told me that was really obvious in how we both behaved towards each other as it was based purely on attraction and nothing else. Still, we had sex again and hoped to meet up right before he leaves.

Anyway, as one chapter of your life closes, a whole new one opens up, I just wish it hadn't happened the way it did.

The next day I walked to school with Sarah but I was a bit more worried about today as we had a swimming lesson. Mum had told me not to worry, I wouldn't have to do it, just tell them I have a medical condition and that should be it but if there’s a problem she will write a letter. Sarah didn’t think that would be enough, and when I texted Dave about it, he didn’t either.

Apparently a few years ago a kid at the school drowned so they were really strict on making sure that everyone could swim and everyone had at least one term where we were taught and it was now our turn.

At lunchtime I went to see the PE teachers and explained I have a medical condition so couldn't swim. There were two teachers, one old and gruff, the type that likes to bully kids a bit if they can’t climb the rope if you know what I mean. The other one, well, he was a lot younger, maybe even not that much older than me and he wasn’t even wearing a proper teachers ID.

He was kinda good looking really and when I talked about why I couldn’t swim he seemed quite open about it and listened to me. But the older one told me that unless I have a letter from the doctor, I have to swim. I told him I didn't have any shorts so couldn't and he said not to worry, they have something I can wear, but that ‘in this school everyone swims.’

Outside I called my mum to explain it to her, but as she didn’t answer I guessed she must have been in a meeting at work and dad didn’t answer either (he forgot his charger and was out of battery). I was panicking a lot the rest of the day, spoke to the reception staff, but everyone was really firm on this, swimming is important.

Sarah, Dave and Jane were really supportive, but at the end of the day we all walked across to PE for the guided group walk to the swimming pool next door to the school. I tried again with the teachers and the gruff old teacher showed me the lost property box and where I could find a towel or have a month of detention and he walked off to organise the rest of the boys.

I looked in the box and the shorts in there were way too big for me, same as the speedo’s, but I kept looking and then lower down in the box were bikini bottoms and I knew they would fit me. I grabbed two that looked like they could be speedos and a pair of shorts, hoping I would at least be able to wear a tee shirt as well. I stuffed them in my bag along with an old towel and joined the class on the short walk.

I hadn’t heard of wet tee shirt competitions at that point otherwise I wouldn’t have even thought about wearing tee shirt.

Dave was waiting for me and we started walking then Sarah and Jane joined us as well while I explained about the swimwear and I would keep my tee shirt on, but they all said no even the girls weren’t allowed to do that.

Sarah stopped me and said, “Look, if you’re being forced to do this, you may as well just do it properly. You’re a boy so no one can complain when you’re not wearing a shirt, and if bikini bottoms are the only thing that will fit, then wear them how they are meant to fit.”

She squeezed my hand and nodded, with her eyes telling me I could do this.

But could I?

I took a deep breath to try and control my fear, nodded back at her and tried to stop myself crying. She told me later she realised I was about to start crying and she had to make me be in control of my own narrative.

Walking into the changing rooms I was the last boy in and the only cubicle was right at the other end, by the entrance to the pool. The gruff teacher told me to hurry up or I would slow everyone down and put on whatever I found that fits me. Well, I was still small so even though I had the boys stuff I think I knew what would happen. I tried them all on and they all fell down or were so loose they would fall off in the pool, so I looked at the bikini bottoms.

The first was a bit too big and I tried to wear them as speedos but of course there was a big gap around the leg holes with my bulge. I looked at the one I was avoiding, pink and very clearly the right size for me, slipping them up my legs. I looked in the mirror and they looked stupid with a bulge, so I slipped them down and tucked, looking again and thinking how much better they looked.

I even found myself seeing how I looked in the mirror, turning around and so on. The other boys were running past my cubicle and the gruff teacher was telling everyone to hurry up, banging on doors and so on. I slipped off my shirt and stood there in my vest, the one I use to try and stop my boobs bouncing too much, again, checking myself in the mirror and thinking this will do, I will wear this. Then I heard the gruff teacher shout at a boy to take his tee shirt off, it will only weigh him down and ‘until we know you can swim it could make you drown’.

I slipped off the vest and stood looking at myself.

This is going to be a horrible moment, everyone will see me. Then the gruff teacher banged on my door telling me I was the last and to get out there now.

I opened the door and stepped out slowly, no one was there and I turned to the pool exit, taking the hairband off and throwing it on my clothes. I started walking and kept my arms folded at first, but realised that’s a plan that isn’t going to cut it. I lowered my arms and stood there, taking a deep breath and getting myself mentally ready for this.

I look down at myself and I was exposed, in public. My ears were burning and my face must have been bright red.

I decided if I was going to do this I was going to do it right, just because I haven’t been to a pool in years doesn't mean I don’t know you should stand under the shower first, so I did that then stepped out seeing the boys at the shallow end on our side and the girls the same on theirs.

I walked down the length of the pool, focusing on the gruff teacher. If he was going to embarrass me them I was going to return the compliment. I walked to him, feeling my little boobs bounce and slowly it got quiet as everyone was stopping talking to look at me.

The gruff teacher turned to look at me then did an actual double take. If I hadn’t been burning with embarrassment I was trying to hide, I would have laughed. I stopped in front of him and pointed to my boobs saying, “This is my medical condition.” And then I pointed at the bikini bottoms and said, “And this is a tuck.”

His mouth dropped open and of course he looked at me then looked away before focusing intently on my eyes and only my eyes, saying, “Join the other, er, boys.” And I walked down the line of them to stand with Dave near the other end.

Of course everyone was looking at me, but I resisted the urge to fold my arms and cover myself up. If I’m being forced to out myself like this, then I’m not the one who should feel any shame.

We were split into three groups, the great swimmers, the ok swimmers and the non swimmers, which I joined with Dave. Sarah was in the great swimmers and they were going to be taught life saving stuff, but for us, they just wanted to make sure we could swim. We had to duck our heads under, stand at the edge of the pool and practice kicks and swim a little if we wanted to try.

I was partnered with Dave, although I think it may have been that some of the other boys wanted to stay away from me, but at least the girls smiled at me and some looked at me and mouthed ‘are you ok?’ Quite a bit, so I just nodded and smiled back.

Practising swimming with Dave was funny as until this moment he was the only boy at the school who knew about my girls, but I caught him looking a few times. He was really struggling to support my weight as he didn't know where to put his hands and with both on my stomach I kept tipping forward and my head went under. In the end I did it for him, taking a hand and putting it on one of the boobs so he could feel it, but more importantly I no longer felt like I was going to drown.

After that he would kinda feel them when he wanted to, and it was funny really, mostly it was while helping me, but he also kept hold of them for longer than he needed to. I was enjoying it to be fair, he was very gentle and the water made me slippery which seemed to add it.

If I do see Aaron before he leaves I will try and get into the shower with him.

Anyway, as Dave was feeling me a lot, which I thought to myself, ‘ok, fairs fair’, so when I next supported him, I slipped a hand down his stomach slowly and held him there.

He was rock hard, not surprising really, but he was like really rock hard. When no one was close enough to hear us, I said, “You need to stop touching me or everyone will see him when we get out and everyone would know I had caused it.”

“I can’t help it.”

“I know, but you need to think of something else quickly.”

We had a different exercise to do, pushing off the wall of the pool and try to swim four metres, so I tried to swim to him, he tried to swim to me. But I could tell he was still hard.

We were given a five minute break and the whole group either stood by the wall or in little groups in the shallow end, and me and Dave leant on the side. I asked him, “Still?”

He nodded. Great. Here’s me with boobs and my only male friend at school - who also has a little crush on me - has an erection and we can’t be here much longer now.

So I did what any friend would do, and in the pool surrounded by people I gave him a hand job and he felt my boobs till he came, stifling any noise he wanted to make. I told him it was our secret and after that he kept his hands well away from me.

When the lesson was over we climbed out the pool and all stood in a line and of course the other boys were all trying to look at my boobs and there was no point in me trying to hide them anymore. In fact, I felt quite powerful standing there in my pink bikini bottoms. The teachers talked about how important it is to be able to swim but we were just getting cold now being out of the water so they said we could get changed.

As I walked past the younger PE teacher, Mr Howard he stopped me and asked me to hold back a second and one of the women PE teachers came over to talk to me.

She told me how sorry she was I had to go through with this, Sarah and Jane had explained about me and that she will make sure the school rules are changed. She also suggested I start wearing a bra and if I do decide to keep up with the swimming lesson to borrow a swimsuit.

I thanked her and walked back to the boys changing room, some of them were already out and dressed. I walked past Mr Howard and he apologised as well for the gruff teacher, saying that he had good intentions, but is just a bit old fashioned.

Mr Howard said, “I’m currently training to be a PE teacher, only just in my second year and doing a work placement as part of my training. I can tell you that how he behaves is not what we are taught. He’s the past.

I looked at Mr Howard and thought, wow, he’s not even a proper teacher yet and still at university. Suddenly I was looking at him a bit differently and realised he’s about the same age as Aaron.

And cute too.

I walked in to my cubicle but kept the door open as I talked to him, telling him it’s ok really as I wrapped my hair in the towel.

Ok, I was flirting with him a little, pushing my boobs out a bit, hoping he would look and trying to work out if I caught him or not.

Without even thinking I slipped my bikini bottoms down and told him it was ok, I understand and appreciate his concern but really I just did what every other boy did when you think about it. I took the towel of my head to start drying myself and Mr Howard was looking at me, or I should say he was looking at what wasn’t tucked anymore.

I said, “See, I am a boy.”

And because the tuck was released and having my boobs caressed earlier and giving a hand job I was already beyond a semi and now getting harder. I sat down and of course it poked up, but I decided to pretend it was nothing and said, “I really appreciate you asking the girls teacher to speak to me. She suggested I get a bra to wear to school and borrow a swimsuit from my sister for next week’s lesson. Do you think that will be a problem, me wearing a swimsuit?”

I snuck a look at him. Hmm, is that the outline of something I can see there?

As he answered me I stood up and made no effort to hide my boobs or little erection as I dried my hair.

He said, “No, I think it makes sense, you have as much to cover as any girl and no one will complain. But you should speak to your parents about it.”

I stood there looking at him and I was completely rock hard and I needed to deal with my own problem and wasn’t even listening to him as he talked about maybe not needing to swim in future. I stood right by the open door, naked and hard and said that’s ok, these don’t stop me swimming, and I brushed my fingers over them and down across my stomach, copying something I had seen in a film, trying to be sexy.

I said to him, “I do need to take care of this though, I will be quick, I promise.”

And I wrapped my hand around my cock, stroking it slowly as I slowly pushed the door closed. He never once stopped looking me in the eye, and I didn’t close the door completely, and he stood outside all the time, telling boys to hurry up, we don’t have all day. I like to think he was encouraging me to finish, and it really didn’t take long before I came, opening the door a little and looking at him and mouthing the word ‘finished’.

I never told anyone about that, I really didn't want him to get in trouble and I really didn’t want to get in trouble myself. Still, it was kinda hot!

Outside the changing room Sarah and Jane were eating for me with a couple of the other girls, who all asked loads of questions but now I hadn’t bothered to put the vest back on my boobs were a lot more obvious. I told them about what the teachers had said to me after and the need to wear a bra to school and borrow a swimsuit in future, which lead to a long conversation about different styles.

At home though, mum and dad were very unhappy when I told them about it, and I begged them not to do anything. I found out a lot later they did speak to the school and the school and had a meeting with the gruff teacher and this encouraged him to take retirement at the end of this school year, not that it mattered to me.

My sister Claire thought it was hilarious and had already heard about how I ‘strutted out like a supermodel at the beach’, which really isn't true at all, Sarah told me I looked as scared a rabbit but got more confidence as I walked towards everyone. Claire is going to sort out a swimsuit or something for to wear next week, but really wanted to know what bra I should wear, I had too many to pick from.

So the next morning I picked up Sarah on the way to school and she noticed immediately, I was in one of my pink bras as the dress code allowed it, but I was wearing a bit ore than that. I was wearing the full matching set and one of Claire’s old fitted school shirts, and a pair of her trousers which she said are pretty close to the dress code so I should be ok. I was still wearing my boy school shoes, but with my uniform blazer on my boobs looked more obvious and that’s where everyone will look anyway.

Just like Dave said when we first met in the mall, everyone was really accepting of me, I was asked to talk about it in homeroom and everyone was completely ok, well, there were still the whispers and looks, but no one was outwardly horrible to the boy with boobs. I was a lot more accepted by the girls than the boys, but I was never into sports the way they are. The girls PE teacher who suggested I wear a bra spoke to me when we bumped into each other, she did notice my trousers and said not to push the dress code any further.

I had hoped to go out with Aaron that evening, but he had to do something with his parents so I needed up inviting Dave over after school and streamed a movie. We hadn’t talked about what happened in the pool and I wasn’t going to bring it up, but I probably shouldn't have forgotten what I was wearing and changed in front of him.

Honestly, it never occurred to me as we were technically two boys together. I had slipped off my bra and my panties halfway down my legs when I realised he had stopped talking. I looked at him and just stepped out of them, went to get a pair of cotton ones to put on and of course he finally saw in very close detail that I am a boy.

He quietly watched me as I slipped the clean panties on and tucked, then grabbed a pair of leggings and a loose tee shirt, putting them on. I sat next to him again and told him he has no idea how much more comfortable this is, and at least now he knows I am a boy under this. I asked if he was ok about that, and that next time he will need to find a way to control it or take care of it himself.

The rest of week at school was just another week at school, I did start to wear a little make up and was definitely more on the girl side of life than the boys - bras do that to me - but I did have to go to PE again and I tried to keep as much of my body hidden from everyone as possible in the changing room. I also wasn’t dumb enough to wear something so pick or lacy.

At the weekend I hung out with Sarah in between getting throughly fucked by Aaron before he left to join the army. I was sad, but I knew he would leave and he was only a fuck buddy really. A really good fuck, but a fuck buddy!

Monday after school though, I arranged a date with Dave, and I do mean a date. I knew I needed to find out a bit more about this side of me and we were going to get a pizza. We walked to mine first and he waited downstairs while got changed into a skirt and top and put some make up on. I walked into the kitchen with my handbag over my shoulder, took his hand and we walked to his so he could get change and a short walk to Starbucks before going to a pizza place around the corner from his.

To anyone who was looking at us they could see we were on a date, but we had never discussed it being a date. I thought of it as a date, but I did wonder what Dave was thinking about it. I think he might have thought it was a date as when we left he took my hand and he walked me home.

We didn’t say much at this point, just walked together. When we got to my street, he stopped a few doors from my house and told me how much he enjoyed our date. So he did think it was a date as well, and he has seen me naked, he has felt my boobs and I have given him a handjob, so maybe this isn’t so much a date as the start of a relationship?

I’m not sure I want that with him, but I do like him, so when he leant forward to kiss my cheek, I turned my face to kiss him. I think he was surprised as he pulled back. I just looked him in the eye and then he gave me the most toe curling kiss I have ever had. With Aaron it was about lust, but this felt like something different, maybe not passion, but different to lust and maybe more like what I did with Sarah. Maybe he is going to be the boy version of Sarah for me? A friend that is more than a friend and help me be more like myself?

Anyway, we finally broke the kiss and I walked to my door. Dad was cool about me having a date with a boy, mum wanted all the details and Claire was watching me through the window so she knew all about it, but I said I had homework to do.

In the morning though, I seemed to be running late trying to get everything I needed for school, and Claire sorted my swimming gear for me, stuffing it in my bag. Once again I was wearing a pink set of lacy lingerie under my clothes and really I was wearing all girls clothes despite going into the boys changing area at the pool. That I thought was quite funny, and walking in with Dave after our date was just as funny.

It seemed everyone goes to the same cubicles so once again I was right at the end. I stripped off and got out the swimsuit and saw that Claire was being a typical sister and messing with me.

There was a bright pink bikini, the type you wear to the beach not a swimming pool. There was also a swimsuit, but not one for swimming in, it was the type of thing you would wear on a boat party in Ibiza! I slipped it on and it barely covered anything, I was showing a lot of side boob with a deep cleavage that stopped below my belly button and only just had enough material to cover my tuck. I looked at myself in the mirror and almost had a panic attack.

I opened the door a little bit and could see Mr Howard and I called him over, saying my sister played a joke on me and I showed him what I was wearing. His eyes went wide and before I could say anything I told him she also packed a bikini for me, showing him that. I knew bikinis were not in the dress code, but the swimsuit was literally indecent and he agreed it was the best option so I closed the door and changed again. By now of course everyone was in the pool area and I would be the last one out, but at least this time there’s a lot less to be scared off as everyone saw everything last time.

I stepped under the shower and once again made an entrance in my body glow pink bikini that was giving my boobs quite a lift and the bright colour making me more eye catching than ever. Walking out of course everyone looked and I saw Sarah and Jane giving me the thumbs up, so I decided to work it, swinging my hips and rather than being a boy with boobs, be the girl I’ve been all summer as I joined Dave and the other non-swimmers.

This lesson was fun, I felt a lot less exposed which is hardly surprising really, but this time I enjoyed it and was paired with another girl to help each other. Wait, did I just say another girl. Whatever. I explained about my sister setting me up with this, and she told me I should have worn that swimsuit anyway as everyone here has seen my boobs. We then talked about boys and how the girls hate that swimming in mixed classes and that I must know what it feels like to be stared at by now like. But really, I hadn’t noticed it as I’ve not grown up with it and normally just try to hide my body.

At the end of the lesson I was one of the last again to walk back as I’d had another talking to about what I was wearing and only just managed to avoid a detention, promising to get a more suitable swimsuit for next time. I started to walk back to the boys changing room, but this time there was a pool attendant standing by the entrance who was mopping the floor and he stopped me.

He said, “You can’t go in there.”

I tried to explain but he made it very clear I needed to go back to my changing room, not even prepared to go and get a teacher for me, so I walked as fast as I could around the pool and called out to the teacher in the girls changing area. I explained what the attendant said and she looked me up and down telling me she could understand and to follow her but not try anything funny and keep my eyes on the ground.

And into the girls changing area I walked, past the girls in their own cubicles, mostly with doors shut but some open as they dried their hair. Of course Sarah and Jane saw me and and as I explained what’s going on they both said I may as well use the girls in future as we’ve all changed together before, making the teacher raise an eyebrow as she looked at me.

I just shrugged at her.

We walked out into the public area and across to the mens changing rooms and she called out to Mr Howard, then saying to me I looked very pretty last night in the pizza place. I almost died. I thought to myself, so what? I’m in a bikini so it’s not like she isn’t aware of me. Mr Howard collected me and I walked past all the boys, all finished getting ready and all looking at me. It was like that scene in Grease when Rizzo tells someone she’s pregnant and the message gets passed along. Ok, maybe not like that but it felt like every boy knew I had walked through the girls changing area. I stepped into my cubicle, thanking Mr Howard and slipped off the bikini top, gave him a smile and closed the door.

Ok, he’s quite hunky, and yes, I kinda flashed him.

Sarah and Jane were waiting for me but Dave was nowhere to be seen this time so I will text him later anyway, but they both said they were going to speak to the teachers and make them let me use the girls for swimming in future, but I told them not to worry, I just need a proper swimsuit and we agreed to go shopping for one after school the next day.

After I had done my homework I called my sister Claire into my room. She was smirking and I knew she thought I was about to talk about the bikini and I gave them both back to her saying, “The teacher thought the suit was a bit too much for the boys to handle, but the bikini worked ok, thank you.”

I wasn’t going to give her the pleasure of knowing how terrified I was when I first tried it on. I could see was a bit miffed that I was acting as if it didn’t bother me, and if the girls hadn’t been ok with me in their changing area, I maybe would be. But right now I was more concerned about some new school uniform stuff that had appeared in my wardrobe.

Mum had been out and picked up some new things for me. There were four skirts in there, two short pencil ones and two of the short pleated ones (whoever decides these things must like seeing school girls legs). Anyway, she brushed it off saying mum had picked them up for me in case I want to wear them and the school doesn’t have a gender uniform policy so they won’t complain. I opened my sock drawer and there were two packs of five opaque black tights, uniform approved and held them up to show my sister who was holding up a pair of shoes, Mary Janes in my size with a one and a half inch block heel. I sat down on the bed in surprise.

The next day I knocked on Sarah’s door and she squealed in delight when she saw me in the short pencil skirt. She checked my face closely and said I could wear some lip gloss as they allow that as well so I put some on and us girls walked to school.