Sydney Moya

© 2015

Synopsis

A man left his home town years ago as a teenager. Now he returns but is very different from the person who left years ago.

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Part two- A family again

After helping her unpack I left my sister upstairs as she wanted to take a shower and change.

I wandered downstairs and found Mum and Dad seated on the couch watching the sleeping baby.

"Is she still asleep?"

"She is," Mum told me.

I went to Bonnie and watched her too. She looked so small yet so perfect.

"She's beautiful," I murmured.

"She is isn't she," Mum concurred, “just like you at that age.”

"Where is Des?" Dad asked.

"Showering I think," I answered.

Dad shook his head.

"Are you okay?" I asked the olds.

Mum sighed, "I don't know. I'm so confused. How could he do that?"

"He was suicidal. I always thought we'd given you two a happy childhood?" Dad asked looking at me.

He suddenly seemed so much older.

My heart broke. I'd never seen my father so uncertain about anything now here he was second guessing himself.

"I had a happy childhood Dad so don't go thinking otherwise. Part of me thinks Des was happy too which is why he came home," I told them before giving him a hug.

"Besides we should be happy that Des is back and look at the latest addition to our family. I know I'm thrilled to be an aunty. Just look at her, she's so precious," I remarked glancing at Bonnie.

Dad’s tired look vanished, "You're right about that honey," he offered.

My parents decided we ought to talk some more when Des was done with freshening up. She came downstairs wearing a delectable white summer dress that showcased her awesome body. She was tall for a girl at 5ft10 but all that was mostly legs that went on forever. Des had never had a big body and as a woman he was supermodel slender but with curves that defined her as a female. She didn’t seem to have put on any makeup but still looked perfect.

Looking at her I felt pride that I had such a gorgeous sister as well as a bit of envy that my brother could look so good. Once again Mum and Dad were left speechless at her appearance.

I wolf whistled and she blushed and giggled. Her laughter was such a nice sound and so infectious I joined in. I went over and made her turn around so I could see what the dress looked like from every angle.

“This is a great dress but I suspect you make anything you wear look good. You’re making me so jealous,” I told her.

“Thanks sis, but this is just something I threw on. Besides look at you rocking that short,” she pointed out.

I slapped her arm, Belinda responded by tickling me, I shrieked and we fell onto the sofa laughing. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mum shake her head, a smile on her face.

“Girls,” she called out which immediately got our attention.

Had she just said girls? To Des and I?

Mum turned red, which made me wonder if she’d intended to say that.

“We need to talk,” Dad announced.

“Sure,” said my sibling, sitting up straighter and smoothing the skirt of her dress, her legs crossed in a very feminine way.

I nodded in agreement while noting how natural my sibling seemed as a female. I'm sure our parents couldn't help noticing that too.

“We’re happy you’re home kiddo and the last thing we want is to drive you away,” Dad began.

“We want to get to know you and Bonnie and for you to always feel this is your home,” Mum added.

“We won’t pretend that we understand what drove you to leave and change so much but you’re 28 and a parent and we have to respect your decision even if we don’t agree or like it,” she explained.

Dad looked at her without speaking and she prompted him, “Tom?”

“Yes,” agreed Dad. He didn’t look too happy though.

My sibling nodded.

“Will you ever go back to being a man?” Dad asked.

“No,” said Belinda, “this is me for the rest of my life. Let’s just say even if I had the inclination to do that which I don’t the surgery isn’t reversible. I simply don’t have the bits that make a man. Only a gynaecologist could tell I wasn’t born female now,” she added.

Our parents both paled at this. They didn’t seem to have understood the intricacies of gender reassignment. I barely did and was only slightly less taken aback than they were.

“The only thing I can’t do is have a period and fall pregnant, otherwise I’m female,” she explained.

My parents were gobsmacked.

So was I for that matter, she really was a woman I thought, I mean I don’t know a guy who’d want to have female junk. Most cross-dressers didn’t, at least I thought they didn’t. I knew squat about my sister’s condition.

My parents were still shell-shocked.

“So do you have a boyfriend?” I asked.

Belinda shook her head and gave me the look. It was a look we’d patented as kids that meant something not be discussed in front of the ‘rents.

“Sweetie, how are you going to marry?” Mum wondered, latching onto my question.

My sister- there was no way I could see her as a boy after what I’d just heard- gave me a glown (glare+frown).

“I don’t know if I’m the marrying type. I haven’t met the right person like you two did,” she answered softly.

“You mean the right girl right?” Dad hinted.

Belinda shook her head, “I’m not attracted to women,” she murmured.

“You’re gay!” Dad hollered.

“I think she’d be gay if she was attracted to women. Gay men want to stay as men I think,” Mum enlightened him.

Belinda nodded as we all stared at her, she certainly didn’t look anything like a man.

“I’m not happy about this,” Dad muttered.

“Neither am I but what’s done is done. He is a girl now and won’t be going back so what is the way forward?” Mum said looking at Dad.

“I know I look different and that I’ve been gone for a long time but I’d like it if we reconnected. I want to be part of your lives. I want Bonnie to know the amazing people you are and for you to watch her grow up. I want to be accepted as your daughter and sister,” said Belinda slowly.

“You are my sister and I’d love to get to know you. I will also kill you if go away from ten years again,” I immediately piped up.

“Thank you,” said my sister.

She gave me a bright smile just like the one's I'd seen on her face when I was small. I smiled back.

Dad shook his head, "You're my son. How am I supposed to forget that?"

"Tom," Mum said looking at Dad.

Belinda wasn't one for turning though.

"I was never your son. I've never seen myself as a boy. My body lied about my gender. How many boys do you know who would hate their bodies so much they'd do what I did? Not too many I bet and that's because no man would want this. I'm not a man and I never was which is why the doctors agreed to help me. I had to do it because I just couldn't stomach being a man. It was a horrible feeling looking at my reflection and loathing it. I hated having erections, watching hair grow on my face and on my body, hearing my own voice break. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable I was? Everyone else was proud of who they were and I only wanted to cut off the parts that made me male. I hated it so much I actually tried to kill myself when I was seventeen by walking onto the road." Belinda told us.

Mum gasped.

A car had nearly hit Belinda when she was 17. The driver's quick thinking and reflexes had led to him narrowly missing her. Thankfully there hadn't been any oncoming traffic and no one was hurt. He'd stopped his car to to check on my sibling before insisting on driving her home. He'd told Mum he'd narrowly missed hitting her son as he hadn't been paying attention on the street.

"You did that on purpose," Mum stated, her face white as she realised how close she'd come to losing her child.

Belinda nodded tears running down her cheeks.

"I was so miserable I couldn't see the point of carrying on," she murmured, "But after I saw the sheer terror on that man's face I decided I wasn't going to make my misery ruin someone else's life. I decided to do whatever it took to be the girl I felt I was." Belinda finished.

"I'm your daughter. I always have been," she whispered.

Mum went over to her and hugged her, both of them crying.

"It's okay sweetheart. It's okay," she told her child as she stroked her hair.

I placed an arm around Belinda too. I felt miserable that she'd suffered so much at a time when she should have been carefree.

Even Dad had glint in his eye. He came over and joined the hug.

"Welcome home my girl," he said which only made Bel sob some more though these were tears of joy.

After this heavy conversation Dad retired to his shed while Mum went into the kitchen to cook the evening meal. She wanted to make something nice to mark her child’s return. This left my sister and me to our own devices.

We used the time to talk. I told Belinda what had been going on in my life. We had a lot of catching up to do as I’d last seen her when I was 13 and she was 18.

By the time dinner rolled around my sister and I and had spent an eternity chatting, filling each other in on the happenings in our lives.

It was cathartic as we shared the things that had unfolded in our lives. I found out Belinda had walked a hard road to become the woman she'd always felt she was.

I wanted to know more about what made someone change their gender.

"I didn't change it. I was always female inside but my body didn't reflect that. When you were born I asked Mum why you were different and she said you were a girl. That was the moment I first realised I wasn't right. Being a child I sort of thought I could turn into a girl one day."

She looked wistfully at the mantelpiece.

"I spent a lot of time imagining myself as a girl. I'd see the girls at school and I'd wish I could join them. I used to wonder what it would be like to be one of them. In my mind I could see myself being a mother when I grew up. Puberty was a slap in the face. It was like I was being mocked by my body. Every day took me further away from my dream."

"I'm sorry," I said to her unable to imagine going through something that bad.

"It's so much better now. I'm not in pain anymore. I can look in the mirror and face the same insecurities as every one else."

Bonnie stirred in her cot. She woke up and almost reflexively her mother was at her side.

"Good morning Bonbon," Belinda cooed.

Bonnie gurgled and grabbed Belinda's finger in her tiny fist. Belinda laughed and made silly faces at her infant. I watched enamoured by the two of them. Belinda then changed Bonnie’s diaper all the while cooing at the baby.

When she was done she placed the child on her knee.

"Bonnie meet Megan. She's my sister and your auntie,"

"Hi Bonnie," I said cheerfully.

Bonnie looked at me with the large blue eyes she’d inherited from my mother. Belinda passed her to me while she was still eyeing me curiously.

"Lets go give her a bath," Belinda suggested.

I stood up holding Bonnie who was still looking at me.

"Gaga," Bonnie said waving her arms, "Ma, ma." She added.

"Time for a bath sweetheart," Belinda told her daughter.

We went upstairs and Belinda ran a bath. She'd left a baby bath in the bathroom when she was freshening up. She checked the water temperature with her elbow and once satisfied it was fine she took the baby from me and began undressing her. When she was done she gradually slipped Bonnie into the water feet first, using one hand to cradle her neck.

I watched as she lovingly washed the baby, a smile on both their faces. She sang softly to her child making Bonnie laugh happily. Before long she was done and Bonnie was dressed and soon feeding from her mother's breast. It was an age-old act as ancient as our race but it struck me how natural my sister looked and how happy she appeared. She looked beatific.

I knew intellectually that Belinda was a woman but the way she cared for Bonnie finally convinced my doubtful heart.

I knew men could be gentle with children too but Belinda feeding Bonnie from her breast was something no man could do. It was utterly feminine and it was at that moment I fully understood that Belinda had never been male no matter what her body had been like before.

After some minutes Bonnie decided she'd had enough. We went back downstairs and my sister and I set up Bonnie's toys. We had her stack some cups while we watched clapping and encouraging her as she attempted her task. Bonnie however was like all babies in that she had a short attention span. After some minutes she abandoned the cups and decided to explore her new surroundings. We watched carefully as she crawled around the living room looking and trying to touch the coffee table and the flower vase our mother kept in the corner.

Belinda had the perfect counter to this. She placed her daughter's favourite toys near her and called out to her. Bonnie saw her mother clutching her teddy and started crawling towards her.

Mom walked in on a lovely scene. Her daughters happily playing with her granddaughter. Belinda and I were sitting cross-legged clutching a stuffed animal each as we enacted a play for Bonnie who was enraptured I have to say.

Mom was so fascinated she started filming us on her phone unbeknownst to us. She’d called Dad back to the house for dinner and he stumbled onto this scene. My mother shushed him before he could say a thing and he also stood there watching his descendants. A smile slowly appeared on his face, the first one since my sister had arrived.

I happened to look up at that moment and saw my parents holding hands and smiling as Mum filmed us. I knew then that whatever happened we were going to be okay.

To be continued.

Sydney Moya

© 2015

Synopsis

A man left his home town years ago as a teenager. Now he returns but is very different from the person who left years ago.

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Part 3- New beginnings

Dinner that night was a pleasant affair. It was so nice to sit down as a complete family. The first meal in years where we didn't wonder where Des was or what he was doing with his life or if he'd ever come back home.

Mum started the meal by expressing her gratitude that her child had come home and that she’d brought an unexpected present too.

Belinda smiled and announced that Bonnie wasn’t the only gift she’d brought. She then gave my parents gifts as well. Mum received a pair of diamond earrings, pearl necklace and a Cartier tennis watch.

She was overcome with emotion.

"Their beautiful thank you," she said softly, squeezing Belinda's hand.

"Don't mention it," Belinda replied giving our mother a warm smile

Bonnie clapped as she followed proceedings. Bel also had something for Dad.

"I know you always wished to travel but you never had the chance. This will remedy that," my sister announced before passing Dad a glossy folder.

"You didn't have to," he said opening it.

He gasped at the contents.

"What is it?" Mum asked.

"An all expenses paid trip to New Zealand for two," Dad said clearly dazed.

"Oh my goodness," murmured Mum.

This time Mum came round and gave my sister a hug.

“Thank you,” said Dad quietly

“It’s nothing don’t mention it,” said Belinda softly.

“You didn’t have to do this, you being here is enough,” Dad told her a smile on his face.

“Okay but please tell me you’ll go?”

“We will," Mum and Dad chorused.

Bonnie was properly introduced to her grandparents who promptly fell in love with her. As usual the meal was delicious as my mother outdid herself.

“Mum this is amazing. I missed your cooking,” Belinda remarked after taking a couple of bites into the tarragon chicken and sauce much to Mum’s pleasure and Dad's amusement.

Dad volunteered to feed Bonnie which was interesting to watch. Bonnie seemed fascinated by Dad, perhaps it had something to do with him being the only male around but I like think it was how he fed her. He pretended every spoon was an aeroplane and he’d buzz while the spoon hovered while telling Bonnie that a plane with supplies was coming in for a landing. Bonnie was hooked and ate every spoonful much to her mother’s amazement.

“How are you doing that? She usually hates veggies, it’s a mission to get her to eat them,’ said Belinda with a shake of the head.

Dad laughed, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree it seems,” he said.

“You hated your vegetables too,” Mum pointed out.

“I did not,” Belinda replied.

“You did, when we started feeding you solids like Bonnie here you’d have a hissy fit but your Dad would play this game with you and you’d eat,” Mum answered.

“Really,” said Belinda in amazement, “I had no idea,” she said looking at Dad and Bonnie.

We all talked a bit about our lives. Dad still worked at the local auto plant as he done for the last twenty nine years. Mum was still a house wife who worked part time at the same plants day care centre. I also worked in the same company doing logistics. It was an okay job and it kept me close to my parents as I didn’t want to compound their hurt by going away like Des had. Of course I didn’t tell my family that as they’d all have felt awful that I’d curtailed my ambitions because of them. I hadn’t of course as I also enjoyed living in my hometown.

After the meal Belinda and I did the dishes together chatting about everything while Mum and Dad played with Bonnie. When we were done we took the baby upstairs so she could go to bed and carried on our conversation for hours in Bel’s room.

I was so happy to have her home I didn’t want to leave her side. We both fell asleep on her bed in the early hours of the morning.

The next morning Mum chased my sister and I out of the house, giving us a shopping list of items we were to return with while she cleaned the place. Mum insisted we leave Bonnie with her while the two of us went on our trip. Belinda smiled and happily acquiesced; quite happy our mother was developing a bond with her daughter. Mum gave us a list of groceries to get before reminding my sister to get more diapers for the baby just as we were getting out of the house.

“And some formula too,” Mum added.

“Sure thing,” said Belinda, before rolling her eyes. I could get the sentiment; she was the mother after all and was doing a great job with Bonnie.

“I missed her nagging,” she said once we were out of earshot.

I giggled as she unlocked her car. She then walked to the passenger door tossing me the smart key.

‘You want me to drive?”

“You got a license?”

“Yeah,”

“So let’s go,”

I was stunned; she was going to let me drive her expensive, new car. I wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth though so I hopped in before she had second thoughts. She showed me how the controls worked and off we went.

It handled like a dream.

“This car is amazing,” I told her, it was so smooth and just a touch of the accelerator produced a smorgasbord of power. I loved it.

"Yeah,"

“I saw the ad with that Swedish DJ and I figured it looked nice but this is just wow,” I told her.

Belinda shrugged, “its okay. I liked the safety record of Volvo and I may be a soccer mom in a few years so I thought I’d get ready."

I giggled, “You have everything planned out for her don’t you.”

“Just a bit,” she smiled.

I raised my eyebrows.

"Can't a mother dream?"

"Of course you can but don't get disappointed if she's got her own ideas," I warned her.

"’Course not, I'm not going to be a pushy Mom,' Belinda replied.

I just rolled my eyes earning me a swat on my legs from my sister.

We arrived at our destination in good time. After a powwow, we decided we’d just go around the huge mall until we ended up at a supermarket where we’d get Mum’s groceries before heading back.

The mall had changed a lot in ten years and I showed Belinda the new stores. We checked out the clothing stores first as I’d discovered that my sister was a bit of a clothes horse which was fun as I’d always envied other girls who had sister’s to shop with and steal clothes from. We went into a couple of shops and tried out a few things and in the process I accidentally got to see Belinda in nothing but her underwear and was once again struck by her gorgeous figure.

How could someone so female ever have been a boy? I wondered. There was nothing to indicate her past from her slight shoulders and generous bust to her heart shaped behind and flat crotch. Belinda's body all but shouted woman. I briefly wondered if I would have found it harder to accept her change had she been less good looking and more masculine.

I stared for too long but she didn’t mind, she looked at me nonchalantly and casually asked me to pass her another dress and I did. She put it on and asked me to zip her up.

“How do I look?”

“Fantastic,” I said truthfully.

She was a knockout and I wondered why she was still single.

“Thanks but I’ll leave it,” she said, ‘’I don’t really like it.”

“Okay,” I said my mind still on how gorgeous she was.

Once again I couldn’t believe she’d ever been male and I was her sister.

“Why are you still single?” I blurted out.

Her face fell a bit as she took off the dress.

“What do you mean?”

“Belinda, do you have any idea what a great bod you have? I’m sure the guys must be falling all over themselves for you.” I told her.

She sighed, “There is the small matter of me having been a boy. It tends to be a deal breaker,’ she murmured as she left the dressing room.

I followed her out as she left the store. She found a café across from it and we sat down. We ordered some coffee. When it arrived she explained what she'd said in the dressing room.

“It didn’t take too long for me to start getting hit on by guys when I transitioned. I was lucky in that I was young so the hormones worked really well so after a few months I passed okay. I wasn’t prepared for it even though it comes with the territory. There was one man who was quite charming. He lived in a neighbouring apartment complex. We met at a laundromat and he started flirting. I liked it as it validated my identity as a woman. If a man found me good looking enough to flirt with then it meant I was attractive and that means a lot to someone just beginning to transition you know what I mean?"

"Yeah I think nearly every girl goes through that," I replied remembering how much fun it had been for me when I discovered boys found me attractive. It was empowering in a way.

“He wooed me for ages until I agreed to go for a date with him. We had a nice time and after the date I decided to tell him I’m trans. He flew into a rage and punched me and would have beaten me to a pulp if a cop hadn’t been down the road. I didn’t press charges because I was scared I’d be a laughing stock. I was so scared I had to find a new place to stay so I wouldn't run into him," Belinda explained.

I felt awful for her, "I'm sorry," I murmured, "he didn't stalk you did he?"

Belinda shook her head and carried on. I hated that she'd had to live in fear after experiencing violence from someone she thought liked her. Life could be so cruel at times.

"After that I didn’t dare date anyone until I had my surgery. Six months after the surgery I met Ross at a party. He was tall, good looking and he was different from any man I’d met before. He didn’t talk bullshit and seemed interested in me as a person not just as a hot woman. We danced; I fell head over heels for him. He was the first man to make love to me," she wistfully told me.

“After a couple of months we moved in together. I still hadn’t told him I used to be a boy as I was so scared he wouldn’t want me and I was hopelessly in love with him. I met his family and I liked them. I felt welcome among them. He wanted to meet you guys but I kept fobbing him off. After two years together he asked me to marry him. I knew I had to tell him the truth. He was shocked. I told him everything. He was in a daze and slept on the couch for some days afterwards. He was barely talking to me. Then after a week or so he started talking again. Both of us wanted it to work and we talked it out. I told him I hadn't told him because I was afraid of his reaction. I also said I couldn't marry someone while keeping a secret. He said he loved me and wanted me in his life. So we carried on and I thought we still had that spark. Imagine my surprise when he moved out at the end of the month."

Her voice was tinged with sadness.

"He said he couldn't see me as a woman anymore and that it was best if we ended it," Belinda finished.

Her eyes glistened with tears. I felt my heart break for her. I scooted over to her side and embraced her.

"I'm sorry," I told her, "I'm so stupid and shouldn't have made you relive that."

"'s Kay sis," Belinda told me, "I'm not gonna hold it against you."

"You know he was a jerk right?" I told her.

"I know but I shouldn't have hid it from him," Belinda remarked.

"You're falling into the trap all good women find themselves in. You can't blame yourself for his bad behaviour. How could he suddenly say he didn't see you as a woman? He had issues and you're better off shot of him,” I answered.

Belinda sighed, "I don't deserve to be with anyone,"

I looked at her open mouthed. I felt the tears form in my eyes.

"It's true. I'm just too weird,"

"Don't say that. Heck hon, don't think that. You are as deserving of love as the next girl. You are absolutely not weird sis," I gently told her.

Belinda nodded at me and I held her a bit tighter.

After a cup of coffee we continued our walkabout but didn’t see anything that caught our eye for us.

We saw a couple of nice outfits that might fit Bonnie and Belinda didn’t think twice before buying them.

"She's growing so fast," my sister told me, "you won't believe how tiny she was when she was born."

Naturally she had the pictures on her phone.

"Aw, she's so cute!" I exclaimed.

Belinda opened her bag, digging out a card to pay for her purchases.

Shit was that a black card? The clerk also seemed to perk up at the sight of it or maybe it just my imagination. My sister paid up and we were on our way. We spotted a supermarket at the far end of the walkway.

"Was that a black card? What do you do for a living?" I asked her.

After seeing her nice clothes, expensive car and incredible gifts I knew she was loaded and I was curious about it.

She smiled, "I like that you're still so curious."

It was true Dad liked to say I asked more questions than the IRS. As a child I was always asking questions about everything.

"I want to know all I can about my sister. That can't be a crime," I added.

"You'd be an accessory if I told you," said Belinda, "I'm a high class escort." She said all serious.

I stared at her stunned and she burst out laughing.

"Gotcha!" She exclaimed, "The look on your face," she said giggling, "it was so precious."

I had to smile; some things never change as she'd always loved teasing me. She'd never been mean but she'd loved playing around with my head. I gave her a little push to reassert my dignity just like old times too.

"You got me now level with me," I requested.

"I am a partner in an equity firm. We specialize in angel investments in software startups," she told me.

"A partner, huh. So you must be rich," I answered.

"I don't want for much," she told me.

"How much?" I insisted.

"You do know that's an inappropriate question right?" Belinda countered.

"I heard sisters don't have secrets between them," I said, smiling at her.

She sighed theatrically, "So is that emotional blackmail?"

"I'm sure it’s in the rule-book," I remarked.

"My assets are worth about 30 million," she said in a long suffering tone.

I ignored her and stopped while staring at her.

"What?" Belinda asked wondering why I'd stopped walking.

I scanned her from head to toe twice before settling on her bust.

"Which assets?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

Belinda burst out laughing. I loved the sound of her laughter. It was wholesome and came from her soul.

"You're so bad Mags," she told me before wrapping an arm around me.

Belinda and I ambled our way to the supermarket where we purchased our groceries before heading to the checkout. After paying we walked out of the store and headed back to the car.

"Megan,"

I turned around already knowing who it was. I just hoped Belinda wouldn't be too surprised.

"Hi Jack," I said before giving my boyfriend a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey sweetie," he said before kissing me full on the lips.

He turned to look at my sister, "Who is your friend?"

Belinda had a neutral expression on her face which I couldn't decipher as she watched her former best friend after kissing her little sister. I looked at her for a cue not wanting to out her and unsure what to say.

"Hi," Belinda said with a smile.

"Um this is Belinda," I said to Jack.

"It's okay Mags," said my sister before I could finish the introductions.

"Are you alright Wacko?" Belinda said.

I swear Jack's eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

"No," he said shaking his head, "who told you that name? Only one person called me that and I haven't seen him in 10 years."

"Yeah because I once walked in on you dancing to MJ's 'I'm bad' in your room when we were 16," Belinda remarked.

Black people can blush and my boyfriend proved it just then.

"Des?" Jack said in a whisper.

TO BE CONTINUED

Sydney Moya

© 2015

Synopsis

A man left his home town years ago as a teenager. Now he returns but is very different from the person who left years ago.

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Part 4-Renewal

Belinda nodded, her eyes bright.

"You're a woman?"

“Yeah,” my sister answered.

Jack looked and I mean really looked at her from head to toe. It was hot so Belinda was wearing denim shorts and a floaty blouse. Neither left much to the imagination. I realised he was checking her out, I was about to tell him off when he spoke,

“How, “Jack said, “why?”

Belinda flicked the hair from her face. Part of me hated her for that while another marvelled at the practised ease with which she pulled off such feminine gestures.

“I wasn’t supposed to be a man Jack, I hated every minute of it. This was the only way I could be happy with my life. I love being a woman. I feel so free now. As for how it was through hormones and surgery,”

He stared at her, "Wow! Damn so this is why you left?"

My sister nodded, "Yeah, it was either this or suicide,” she said.

"Shit," Jack swore.

He then reached for Bel, "Come here," he said before giving her a hug, "you should have told me."

I wasn't going to begrudge them that. Jack was a big teddy bear sometimes. Thankfully he wasn't freaking out too. I didn't want to see Belinda get hurt especially after what she'd told me earlier.

"I had no idea how you'd take it," she murmured.

“I was your friend,” Jack countered.

“You were a jock and 17. Imagine how terrified I was of it getting out. Can you put yourself in my shoes? A teenage boy who desperately felt he was a girl inside and longed to be one on the outside. I couldn’t even tell my mom,” she answered as he held her.

“I guess you’re right,” said Jack slowly before letting go.

"I can't believe this," Jack said shaking his head, "you look really nice, I’d never have guessed." he added after letting go.

Belinda turned an interesting shade of pink, "Thanks," she said.

I made a mental note to ask him if he thought she was more attractive than I was. Oh the pitfalls of having a sister!

“When’d you get back?”

“Yesterday,” said Belinda, “look, if you’re not too busy why don’t you join us for lunch at home? Maybe we can catch up,”

Jack looked at me. I nodded.

“Yeah come along,” I said.

Belinda opened the car and sat in the passenger seat again.

“Sweet ride,” he said to my sister as he admired her car.

“Thanks,” my sister replied.

“I’d love to take a spin but I brought my car so I’ll just follow you,” Jack remarked.

We nodded. I started the car and I pulled out of the parking lot.

“You okay,” I asked my sister.

She nodded her head, “Yeah. So you and Jack,” Belinda said, it was a statement but one clearly meant as a question.

“We’ve been going out for a year,” I explained.

She looked at me, “I never would have seen that coming,” Belinda said.

“What do you mean?” I asked, hoping she wasn’t passing judgement on me.

My sister was obviously a woman. She saw right through me whereas a guy would have just ploughed on regardless.

Belinda put her hand up, “Chill sis. I don’t mean anything by that,” she added.

I looked her in the eyes and I saw nothing but concern and love in them.

“When I left you were thirteen and I would have beaten Jack for even looking at you. Now you’re driving my car and dating him. It’s a lot to take in,” Belinda told me.

“When you left you were my brother and now you’re a yummy mummy,” I countered, “people change. I grew up sis,” I gently told her.

She sighed and turned to look out of the window.

I placed my hand on hers. She took it and squeezed it.

We arrived home a quarter of an hour later. Jack was only minutes behind us.

“Mom we’re back,” I announced as we walked into the house.

We found our mother reading a storybook to Bonnie who sat there listening an enraptured look on her cute face. We both smiled at the sight of them. The doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it,” I offered, “its Jack,” I added for our mother’s benefit.

“Jack,” said Mum with a raised eyebrow before looking at Belinda.

“I invited him, we met and talked a bit at the mall,” my sister responded.

“Really,” said Mum looking interested.

She looked like she wanted to say something but then thought better of it.

I opened the door and Jack walked in, “Hi Mrs Masters,” said Jack to our mother.

“Hello Jack,” said Mum, “How are you?”

“I’m fine thanks,” Jack remarked politely.

His politeness was one of the reasons why Mum had always liked him. She’d known him since he was thirteen when Belinda had become his friend.

"Babysitting?" He said on noticing Bonnie, "Hi honey," he said waving at her.

Mum smiled, "Yes," she replied, "say hello honey," she told Bonnie.

Bonnie lifted her hands, waving them about while she laughed.

I smiled and briefly wondered what it was about Jack and the girls in our family.

Belinda grabbed some Cokes, "Mom could Jack please stay over for lunch?"

"Of course," responded Mum.

The three of us left the kitchen for the deck outside the house.

"So who is your Mom babysitting for?" Jack asked me.

"That's my daughter Bonnie," said Bel.

"That's your kid?" Jack asked, clearly astonished.

Belinda nodded.

"Wow, adopted?"

"No, she's mine," said Belinda.

"I thought you had surgery and all that?" Jack said looking confused.

"I did but I knew I wanted kids one day so I had my sperm frozen before I transitioned," Belinda explained, "I had a surrogate mother," she explained.

"Oh," was all Jack could say. He looked staggered.

It led to a bit of an awkward moment until Belinda piped up.

"So man what happened to the bro code of not dating friends sisters?" Belinda queried, a naughty grin on her face.

"Belinda!" I exclaimed.

Jack smiled, "You're not exactly a bro so I think its null and void," he observed.

Bel just smiled at him.

"How'd you guys hook up anyway?"

"Believe it or not we met at Sherry’s about a year ago,” I said.

"Sherry's is still open?" Belinda asked, "and both of you still go there?"

Jack and I laughed. Sherry's was an infamous diner frequented by the teen crowd. It was straight out of the sixties and had survived the onslaught of MacDonald's and the other fast food brands.

"Hey don't knock the joint. They make great burgers,"Jack said.

Belinda just smiled.

"I drop by there when I need my burger fix and I bumped into Jack there," I explained.

"I was stunned to see her. I think it had been five years since I'd last seen her," Jack said.

"We just started talking and one thing led to another," I told Bel.

I reached for Jack's hand and squeezed it.

"Aw. That's so cute," Bel remarked at the sight of us.

She sounded genuinely happy for us and fool that I was I'd been worried she'd be upset about our relationship. Luckily Belinda wasn't that kind of sister.

"So what's it like being a woman?" Jack asked.

He looked genuinely interested in Bel's answer.

My sister sat deep in thought, "It's so different to being a guy and yet a lot hasn't changed. Physically there's the obvious things like being weaker. I feel less safe than I did when I lived as a boy especially at night. I love the way my body feels and looks, the soft skin, my boobs and hips and not having a dick. It's a relief though I know you don't think so," she said as Jack grimaced.

I looked at her and she smiled. I imagined waking up male and felt uncomfortable. She'd had to live most of her life feeling worse than that.

"I like the clothes women get to wear. The looks I can put together. Skirts and dresses are amazing.Honestly guys have no idea what their missing. They can be a hassle though and bra's and heels are sometimes necessary evils. I do hate the social pressure being a woman brings. You have to look perfect at all times or you're letting yourself go. I don't like being seen as an object or being leered at. People tend not to take me as seriously as they would a man. It's like my opinions matter less. However as a woman I'm free to express my emotions, cry if I have to and no one will think I'm weak. I'll be excused because I'm a girl whereas as a boy I was expected to man up and be stoic which was very distressing. I think its part of the reason I couldn't get help when I was younger. Men have to be strong and in control and I had to live up to that. I find that society doesn't appreciate women like this. I see women turned down for exhibiting the same traits all the time which is very unfair. Still I honestly think I am better off now and nothing beats being a mom. The connection I have with Bonnie is incredible," Bel explained before sighing.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Now that I have Bonnie I wish I'd been open with Mom," she said the regret in her tone clear, "I can't imagine how much they must have hurt."

I wrapped my arm around her.

"At least you're home now. I know their happy about that," I reassured her.

Camille Masters, Belinda and Megan’s mother.

"I was quite surprised when the girls returned from their shopping trip with Jack in tow. That boy was Des’s best friend for years and now is Meg’s boyfriend. He doesn’t seem to mind what his old friend looks like which is good. I don’t want Meg to have to choose between him and Des. Still I wasn’t expecting them to tell someone about Des’ return which made me realise that people were going to find out that Des was quite different now. I can foresee problems with certain people not least of all in my family.

Des had left home at 18 after graduating high school.

That final year in high school had been a difficult one for us. Des seemed uninterested in planning for college or getting a job. Indeed he seemed restless and in retrospect I am not surprised he left after the year ended. I’m stunned I didn’t see this coming. As a child Des had been quite a sweet boy with a lovely disposition. I don’t remember him acting effeminate as a child but he was really close to his sister and she followed him everywhere. They were so cute together. He'd changed as he entered his teens becoming emotionally distant though not from Meg. I'd ascribed it to growing up thinking it was typical of kids to grow less attached to their parents with time. Tom and I always tried to let him know he was loved but we also didn’t want to be too clingy so we did give him space when he needed it. I never would have guessed it was because he was struggling with his gender identity. I never saw this part of him at all.

Nothing can explain the confusion and horror I felt when that beautiful girl claimed she was Des. I was so shocked. Tom was just as upset. I didn’t want to believe it but deep down I knew it was Des. A mother always knows you see. When she turned around to leave, I instinctively ran after her. I wasn’t going to lose my child again.

Megan fainting was another twist to what was developing into a day I would never forget. Luckily her father caught her and prevented her from getting hurt thank goodness. Tom picked her up and laid on her on the couch, she came to after a few moments. When she woke up she stared at her sibling before approaching her and giving her a hug. Both of them were crying and happy to see each other. It’s like they’d always been sisters. She doesn’t seem to have a problem with Des being a girl. I have to say she made Des feel more at home than Tom and I did.

I still get a bit startled whenever I hear her singsong alto calling for me. I hope it doesn't show though because I don't want to drive her away or make her feel awkward. My heart broke when she told us that she’d tried to end her life. I felt like I’d failed my baby.

I really don't know what to feel about Des becoming a woman. She says it saved her life. I can’t argue with that as I could sense the pain as she talked about how miserable she’d been as a boy. She's so beautiful; she looks like her aunt Sandy, Tom's sister did at that age. She carries herself well and is so convincing at it that I have to accept this is inborn. Maybe my little boy had never been my little boy but a daughter I didn't know I had. The thought of this cuts me up, especially when I think of the pain that drove her to try and end her life.

As it is she's changed a lot from the child I knew and while I'm overjoyed she's back and we know she's okay it's difficult. I don't know how to relate to my adult child, she’s changed in more ways than one. When I last saw her she was still a child. Ten years have passed and she's made her way in the world without my guidance and has a child too. I don't know what has shaped her into the person she is today. Part of me misses my son but I feel terrible about what she went through and that she was so afraid of my reaction that she'd went through such a drastic change alone.

Bonnie was a lovely surprise. She is a perfect little angel and there’s so much of my child in her. I’m a grandmother and I’m so pleased about that. I love this girl more than I can say and Belinda rightly looks happiest around her. With Bonnie she wears a look I was very familiar with as I'd seen it in the mirror as a young mother. I was pleased my child had found the joy of parenthood even if it was by unconventional means. Watching her with Bonnie made me even less certain if Des had ever been a man emotionally. She breastfed Bonnie like it was the most natural thing in the world. She was so comfortable in the role of a mother. My hackles ought to be raised but she looks so natural as a woman and mother. She dresses tastefully and doesn't flaunt her body. Everything I've seen so far indicates she carries herself as a lady and I can't help but be proud of this. I am a bit of a social conservative who believes in the family as the heart of society. I don't pretend to understand why someone would want to be the opposite sex and go through the surgery to achieve that but I assume it’s a symptom of a deluded mind but Des doesn't strike me as deluded. She seems a perfectly sane person and a sensible young lady. Now that I know how much pain she was in I can't regret her decision to change her lot in life. She's my child and if she's happy this way and harming nobody I guess I can live with it.

I would love to sit down and get to know her. I’ve missed her so much and I want to hear all about her life up to today."

To be continued

Sydney Moya

© 2015

Synopsis

A man left his home town years ago as a teenager. Now he returns but is very different from the person who left years ago.

---

---

Part 5-Feliz cumpleaños

I think it was inevitable that Jack would ask his old friend what sex was like for a woman.

I was interested too but didn't have the guts to ask such a personal question with my boyfriend present. I spluttered on my coke when my boyfriend asked it.

"Jack!"

Bel turned pink again leaving Jack grinning.

"Some things never change," he muttered, "still shy," Jack finished rather smugly, I thought.

"Hey that's totally inappropriate," I warned Jack.

"Sorry," Jack replied, "I'm just curious who has it better,"

Bel nodded, "I don't think I can answer that. I never did it as a guy," she explained.

"Really?"

Belinda nodded, "The very idea put me off. I think that's why I was so shy as a teenager.”

"Are you single?" Jack asked.

"Yes," said Belinda.

"What no way. I need to move to Cali if hot girls like you are single. Sounds like paradise," Jack said looking starry eyed.

I gave him the evil eye, "It'll be hell if you keep talking like that," I told him.

Jack's eyes widened.

Bel and I burst out laughing before Jack joined us.

Jack stayed over for lunch and we carried on our conversation though it was more suited to the presence of Mom.

"Tell me what happened when you graduated?" Bel asked, "I remember you had won a scholarship,"

"I went to college and played ball. I got a degree in Business. I enjoyed it and after I graduated I got a job at Steinman and they sent me here after a couple of years."

"He is deputy VP for the Midwest," I said, rather proudly.

Belinda nodded, "That's good," she replied.

Jack smiled and thanked her.

"What about you?" Jack asked her.

"What's there to tell?" Belinda responded.

"Well I for one am interested my dear," Mom remarked.

"When I left the only thing I wanted was to change and stop being a boy. I wanted to go somewhere I could be a girl and no one would know who I had been. The first thing I did when I got off the bus was find a place to stay and then changing my appearance so I looked like a girl. I had some money and I worked a couple of jobs. Convenience store, waitressing until I met a girl called Callie. She figured out I was transitioning and she found it fascinating. It was in a nice way though. She offered to help me with stuff and be my friend. I could see she was sincere and I needed a friend so I agreed. She taught me a lot, all the stuff girls grow up picking up like behaviour, dressing, makeup. It was thanks to her I met Mark and Barry. I was lucky with them, they hired me and I was sort of a girl Friday for them. They were brilliant but as they were so busy coding they couldn’t attend to anything non-essential which was everything so I had to keep everything going while helping with the code when I could. When they sold the business, they had given me 1% and some cash too. Because of them, I was set for life.

“Wow, that’s some story,” said Jack, “I can’t believe you know Mark Reynolds and Barry Sarkissian,” he said clearly awed. I was just as amazed that my sister moved in such circles.

Bel shrugged, “Their great guys, their wives are just as nice,” she added.

Bonnie put out her hands to her mother, clearly wanting to be picked up. Bel obliged,

“You want to sit with Momma, okay snookums,” she said with a smile taking the child from her high chair.

Bonnie smiled and cooed at her leaving us all smiling.

Bel nuzzled her baby and for the first time I really felt the urge to have a child of my own. Watching Bel and her infant was giving me baby fever. I wanted to have my own baby too, as I could see the the joyfulness in Bel’s eyes whenever she was with her daughter.

The barriers between Belinda and the rest of us fell during the next few days as we got used to her. Dad and I went back to work the next day leaving Bel to spend the day with Mom at home which was good for them both as it allowed Mom to find out more about her child’s life. That morning they woke up with Mom making breakfast while Belinda cleaned the house after making sure Bonnie was fed and dry.

By midmorning, my sister would be hard at work glued to her high spec laptop, running meetings on Skype with her associates or doing her work while Mom watched Bonnie or took her for a walk. When she came back Belinda would insist on taking Mom out for lunch at a nearby bistro. It had recently opened and the meals cost an arm and leg.

Reluctantly she agreed but was stunned when she saw the price list.

“Don’t worry Mom, I’ve got it covered,” my sister would tell her before ordering her meal, “It has good reviews on Trip Advisor.”

Mom didn't grill Bel over lunch that afternoon. Part of it was because she wasn't sure where to begin and also that she just enjoyed being with Bonnie and Bel.

When this continued to happen over a number of days, Mom finally asked Belinda how she could afford this.

“This can’t be cheap honey, how are you paying for this?”

“It’s cheaper here than in California,” my sister replied.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking but what exactly do you do for a living?” Mom asked.

“I decide what we can put our money in, and can get us the best return,”

“Our money?”

“Well when Mark and Barry sold the business we started an investment group. Basically we fund tech start ups,” Belinda replied.

Mom nodded, starting to get it.

"Ok that makes sense, are you doing well?"

"We have better returns than the market. Things are good," said Bel with a smile, "it's okay to ask Mom I'm still your child. I suppose you have a thousand questions," Bel added sensing our mother's curiosity.

"Did you ever go to school. I always thought you should have gone to college," Mom asked.

Bel smiled, "I did. I have a masters in investment finance and a bachelors in business."

"Oh my goodness, sweetheart that's wonderful," remarked Mom happily, "I'm so proud."

Belinda smiled.

"A Masters degree. I wish I could have been there," said Mom.

"I have the videos on my laptop,"

"You"ll have to show me. Your father will be so proud. I'm really glad you are doing well. Have you bought a house?"

"I have two," said Bel looking slightly embarrassed.

"Goodness," Mom said taken aback, "that's great."

"Thanks," said Bel before tearing up, "I'm so sorry I didn't keep in touch. I'd go mad if Bonnie disappeared,"

Mom reached for her hand and squeezed it, "That's alright sweetheart. All that matters is that you're back," she said softly.

They sat in silence for a bit before Mom asked another question.

"Are you happy?"

"Yes. I am though I'm scared I'll spend the rest of my life alone, people still find it hard to accept changes like the one I had,"

Mom being a mother sensed there was a story behind this.

"Who hurt you?"

She looked into her child’s eyes which were the one thing that hadn’t changed, she could see the pain in them.

Bel narrated her relationship with Ross and how he'd walked out on her after she'd told him about her past.

"I loved him and he just couldn't stand to be with me when he found out."

A tear rolled down her face. Mom's heart broke at this. She squeezed Bel's hands.

“I’m thankful for everything but it just feels like no one will love me for who I am,” Bel finished, clearly sad.

Mom placed an arm around her child, “Oh sweetheart,” she murmured.

“Am I a freak?”

“No,” said Mom immediately, “you’re not. You should never think that.”

“I dunno Mom sometimes I wonder,” a tearful Bel sighed.

“You said there are doctors who screen people before they can change right?”

Bel nodded.

“Well I think they knew what they were doing. When I see you with Bonnie, everything you said about being a woman isn’t necessary my darling. I can’t see you as a man when you’re with her,” Mom replied, “and stop thinking you’re a freak, you’re unique like everyone else and your father, Meg and I love you to death. This little girl needs a strong woman, be strong for her, ok?”

Bel nodded as Mom squeezed her.

“Love is a funny thing sweetie. It’ll make its way to your door sooner or later. Don’t worry about it,”

Bel had to smile at Mom’s pearls of wisdom.

As I’ve said Mom and Belinda began rebuild their relationship. I found them cooking together in the kitchen. My mother didn’t let anyone into her kitchen and there was Bel puttering around in there like an old hand.

“What’s going on?” Dad asked.

“Bel’s making dinner for us tonight, she wants to show us how they cook on the West coast,’’ Mom explained.

Bel just smiled and carried on cooking . The meal she served us was exqusite. We were all wowed by her cooking.

“I need this recipe sis,” I told her over the meal.

Bel shook her head, “No way, it’s top secret. Besides now you have to keep me around so I can repeat this,” she said making us laugh.

A couple of weeks passed, Bel and Bonnie slotted into our lives almost effortlessly. All of us had just started getting used to the idea that Bel and Bonnie existed. Even Dad was gradually coming around to having another daughter. Mom was relaying the information Bel gave her back to him and as he listened to how they spent their days and about Bel’s life in California, he realised his child had done rather well for herself and that having a sex-change wasn’t a sign of mental illness or his fault. As he had accepted that Bel would be a woman for the rest of her days, he concluded there really was no point being upset over something he couldn’t change. Apart from that he also wanted to get to know his child, he’d missed her terribly and he certainly didn’t want to drive her away by being hung up over her change. He admired her courage in pursuing her goals, however odd he thought they were and coming back to them too. She could just as easily have never come back and he was glad she hadn’t done that.

So in the evenings he’d make sure to talk to her or join in the conversations, ask about her views on the stock market seeing as she was an expert and things would flow from there. Dad was a serious conversationalist when he wanted to be and my sister was clearly well read with interesting takes on global events. Listening to them debate things was educational in itself. I certainly enjoyed listening and talking with them. I know Bel appreciated this and one night she hugged him before he went to bed which made Dad smile.

Before we knew it, Dad’s 54th birthday was upon us. Mom had been planning this for a bit now and she was going to have a little do at home. This brought up the issue of Bel, none of us had let our extended family know about her but as we prepared for the party this was the elephant in the room.

One week before the party we’d already had an awkward moment when the local busybody, Mrs. Chatsworth had showed up on our doorstep when Mom was out taking Bonnie for her morning walk. Bel had answered the door.

“Hello there,” Mrs Chatsworth began.

“Hello,” said Bel, vaguely remembering the woman.

“I’m looking for Camille. I have my RSVP for Tom’s birthday,”

“She’s not in at the moment but I can tell her you called. If you’d like to leave then that’s ok too,” Bel insisted.

“Oh okay, I’m sorry but you are?”

“I’m Belinda Masters,” said Bel.

“I’ve seen you around. You must be related to Tom and Camille,” Mrs Chatsworth.

Bel nodded, “Yes I am,” she responded.

Mrs Chatsworth looked her up and down, “If I might ask, are you Meg’s cousin? You look like some of the Master’s girls,”

Bel shook her head, “Meg’s my sister ma’am,” she supplied.

Mrs Chatsworth looked like she had a million questions now but the expression on Bel’s face probably told her not to push it.

“Alright dear here is my RSVP. Please pass it on to Camille,”

“Sure thing ma’am. Have a nice day,”

We had a family meeting that evening. We had to decide what we were going to say about Bel. As much as we happy to have her home, we weren’t sure what the rest of our friends and relatives would say or do about her. We came from a pretty conservative family and part of the country, a county that religiously voted red in every election. It was a place averse to change so much so that I wasn’t in good books with some of my family for dating Jack.

In the end we all decided to go with the truth, Bel existed, she used to be Des and there was nothing more to be said. Mom and Bel continued with their preparations for the party and one occasion Mrs Chatsworth came round as they prepared to drive out to get some drinks and ice for the party.

Bel rolled down Mom’s window.

“Hi Camille, hello Belinda,” she said.

“Hi,” both women responded.

“I didn’t know Tom had another daughter,” she said cutting to the chase.

My mother smiled, “She’s my daughter too Allison,” said Mom, “she’s come down here with her daughter to see us. She’s staying for a while,” she added.

“I didn’t know you had another daughter,”

“Neither did I but it turns out I always had two girls instead of a boy and a girl,” Mom responded, “I’m sorry Allison but we have to go. Can we talk later?” Mom finished which was the cue for Bel to pull out of the driveway.

“Why didn’t you just come out and say it?” Bel asked as she drove off.

“It’ll give her something to think about, nosy witch,” Mom remarked, making Bel smile as she discovered another side to Mom.

Belinda was quite nervous the morning of the party. She had no idea what the rest of her family would make of her and Bonnie. She’d actually told my parents that she wouldn’t mind going to a hotel for the afternoon so as to avoid any awkwardness that would arise from her being there. When Mom and Dad heard this they collectively put their foot down. They wouldn’t hear of it

“No, this is my home and you’re my child. Anyone who doesn’t want you here can go to hell,” Dad told her while Mom nodded.

“We’re not going to hide you,” Mom said, “you’ve been gone for long enough,” she murmured.

Our parents confidence in her inspired her to stay. She took my hand and insisted we had to get ready.

“We need makeovers. Where can we get ourselves done up around here?”

I smiled, “I like your thinking,”

“Mom, you’re coming too,” my sister insisted, “this is my present to Dad,” she teased.

She drove us to a spa in the next county and we had complete makeovers in a couple of hours. I swear that Dad jaw dropped when he saw us. Mom looked years younger. Jack who I’d asked to come keep Dad company that morning whistled as he looked at me and I felt great

“Happy birthday Dad,” my sister smirked, presenting our mother to him

“Wow, you look incredible all three of you, especially you Cami,” he remarked.

Mom walked over to him, "I heard some hunk is having a party here," she said in a vampy tone.

"Hmm you heard right sugar," Dad remarked.

Bel and I giggled as Dad took by her into his arms and struck a chachacha pose with her.

Bel smiled and took Bonnie upstairs so she could change. I followed her there letting myself into her room. She looked at me and held up two outfits.

"Which one?"

"I like that one,'' I replied pointing to a dress on the left.

"Great minds think alike," she remarked.

She slipped out of her clothes and put on the dress.

Bel looked amazing in her Brent Jones jungle print mini dress. A dress that I as an avid fashion follower knew cost close to almost $500. Her wardrobe was full of very nice, bespoke items all of which pointed to a woman of means. Most women would kill for her looks, taste in clothes and bank account. Bel strangely wasn’t too concerned about it. She carried herself with the ease of someone sure of themselves and her place in the world.

I certainly envied that trait of her character and I hoped I could develop that trait by time I was her age.

The first person to arrive was Dad’s brother, Uncle Ben. He pulled into the drive and bounded up to the door.

“Howdy,” he said when the door opened.

Uncle Ben was a big bear of man, standing at 6ft4. He was quite a character, a jovial man who’d lived a very rich life. It went without saying that he was our favourite uncle growing up as he had so many stories to tell.

He gave Dad a strong handshake, their usual greeting. As usual Dad had to wince before my Uncle released his vice like grip. It was a weird ritual between them,

“Happy birthday,” he roared patting his little brother on the back

He turned to Mom, “Are you getting younger Camille?” he teased before kissing my mother’s cheek.

I was engulfed in a hug before I could say anything, “Hello my dear,” he after he easily picked me up and lifted me into the air. I felt like a rag doll in his arms.

He then shook Jack’s hand before noticing Bel and her daughter.

I saw the uncertainty in Bel’s eyes.

“Howdy miss, please excuse my manners. I’m Ben Masters, who might you be?”

“Hi Uncle Ben, it’s me Des,” said my sister slowly

My uncle looked puzzled for a moment, before the penny dropped.

A roar erupted from his chest

“What!”

To be continued

Sydney Moya

© 2016

Synopsis

A man left his home town years ago as a teenager. Now he returns but is very different from the person who left years ago.

---

---

Part 6-Fallout

"What?"

Uncle Ben looked at a loss for words which was quite novel.

"Is this some sort of joke?" He said looking at us all.

Everyone shook their heads.

"It's not a joke," Dad remarked.

"This is who I am now," Belinda said.

Uncle Ben shook his head before walking towards her. He offered her his hand. Bel looked him in the eye and took the proffered hand. They shook hands.

"Well welcome home I suppose," he declared.

"Thanks," murmured my sister.

"I could use a drink," he said to his brother.

Dad shepherded him to the minibar and poured him a stiff one.

"That went well," I said to no one in particular.

"Who is the little tyke?" Uncle Ben queried, gesturing at Bonnie.

"That's Bonnie. She's her daughter," Mum responded.

"Oh, that's nice," he said a smile plastering his face for the first time since we'd broken the news.

"So you're like that, what's his name. I forget the name. He was in the news for a while,"

Bel shook her head.

"I'm not like anyone. I'm just myself, a woman," she remarked.

Uncle Ben shook his head, "Well whatever floats your boat," he said, "I am glad you're home."

More people streamed into the gathering. Aunt Sandy and Uncle Tim were next. Aunt Sandy was my dad's little sister. She was two years younger than him.

"Hi, happy birthday," she said giving Dad a hug.

"Thanks," said Dad happily.

"Carmen," said my aunt to my mother before pecking her cheek.

"Sandy. I'm so glad you came out,"

Sandy lived 150 miles away which made for infrequent family gatherings

"I wouldn't miss Tom's birthday for anything,"

"You missed the first two," Uncle Ben remarked leading to assorted chuckles.

Sandy went over to her eldest brother and gave him a big hug too but not before punching his shoulder for the wisecrack.

She spotted Jack and me across the room. We went over to greet to her.

"Hi Aunt Sandy," I said with a smile.

We embraced.

"You look more beautiful with each passing day,"she said kissing me on the cheek.

I blushed.

"Hello young man," she said to Jack.

"Ma'am," said Jack politely.

Uncle Tim just glared at us. When I started going out with Jack I realised what a racist he was. He'd always been a bit of an embarrassment with some of his archaic views but I'd never taken him seriously until he'd asked what the hell I was doing dating a nigger.

If I'd had my way he wouldn't have set foot here again but Sandy and Dad were close and he was family.

Jack looked at him, right in the eye and he looked away. Bel came into the room at that moment from the kitchen where she'd been getting a bottle for Bonnie.

It just so happened that everyone looked at my sister and her baby.

Bel looked up and caught everyone staring at her. She looked at Aunt Sandy who looked like she'd seen a ghost.

I remembered Mom mentioning the uncanny resemblance.

"Hi," said Bel, a small smile on her face.

"Hello dear and who might you be?" Uncle Tim.

Bel gave a nervous smile. I wondered how hard this was for her.

I walked to her and placed my arm around her.

“This is Belinda my sister and her daughter Bonnie. You used to know her as Desmond,” I announced.

Aunt Sandy squinted and Uncle Tim looked at us like we’d grown two heads.

“What the heck?” Uncle Tim said his voice loud and unpleasant.

“You’re Desmond, that’s not possible,” Sandy said.

Her kids arrived at that moment. Sandy had two sons and a daughter. Earl who was 25, Mason 23 and Rhiannon who was 20.

“Are you pulling my leg, that’s no way that’s Desmond,” Aunt Sandy said.

Earl, Mason and Rhiannon immediately looked at us.

“She’s telling the truth,” said Bel softly, “I’m Des.”

Rhiannon’s eyes literally bulged out of their sockets while her mouth simultaneously made a perfect o.

You could have heard a pin drop.

Dad spoke up, “Belinda is my daughter. This is her home. I won’t have anyone treating her rudely or trying to hurt her,” he declared.

Uncle Tim looked at him his face reddening.

“You’re actually going to defend this faggot?” he remarked, his tone contemptuous.

Uncle Ben stood up, “Watch your language Tim, that’s no way to talk in mixed company and that’s my niece you’re insulting,” he thundered.

“Fuck that, I’m not going to listen to you defend this shit,” Uncle Tim remarked.

He turned his ire on Bel, “How dare you show up here but I’m not surprised. You people has no dignity, dating a nigger and now a faggot to boot, dammit!” He sneered looking at my sister and I and Jack.

He spat at our feet. I felt myself tremble; it started at my core and worked itself outward. It was pure, undiluted anger. I tried to swallow the hard knot of rage that was lodged in my throat hoping to make it subside but I didn't have enough self-control. I let go of Bel and I moved towards him, furious. No one was going to insult the people I loved like that.

I had half a mind to slap him and who knew what else but Uncle Ben beat me to the punch. He just lost it; he stood up lightning quick and socked Uncle Tim on the jaw.

Uncle Tim was knocked out cold.

My aunt, Rhiannon and Ma screamed while Mason and Earl jumped on Uncle Ben’s back but he shook them off and Dad rushed in to pull them off before anyone else got hurt. The commotion caused Bonnie to start crying and Bel rushed upstairs with her.

Needless to say this wasn't how we'd imagined the party going. Earl and Mason picked up their father and left in high dudgeon, promising to make us pay.

They were as good their word because less than 15 minutes later a patrol car arrived and Uncle Ben was arrested. Mom and Dad soon left to post bail.

Sandy followed them out a short while later clearly torn between her siblings and her boorish husband and brainless boys.

Jack and I held the fort and I was left to entertain the guests who streamed in minutes later and milled around drinking the beer while waiting for my father. Rhiannon stayed downstairs with Jack and I as we valiantly tried to keep it going.

My parents managed to post the bond and get Uncle Ben out. They returned home with him and we managed to salvage the party but Bel stayed upstairs with her baby leaving me with my boyfriend and cousin.

It took a while but my cousin finally approached me. With all the ruckus I hadn't had a chance to say hi and catch up.

"Hi," said Rhiannon, looking a bit wary.

I was still in a no nonsense mood and it must have probably showed on the expression I wore.

My cousin put her hands up slightly in a gesture of non-confrontation.

"Hey cuz," I remarked, smiling slightly.

I realised that she wasn't her dad.

"Dad was way outta line," she said.

I nodded.

"Des is upstairs?"

I nodded, "Yeah but please call her Belinda from now on,"

She nodded.

“Can I talk to her?”

“I don’t know, let me go check,” I answered, not sure if Bel wanted to see anyone.

My sister wasn't in her room when I checked. There was a note on her bed.

"Mags. I need some air. I've taken Bonnie for a walk."

Belinda

I couldn’t believe what I’d heard, had I been in my stealth bubble so long that I’d forgotten what it’s like to be looked at like a vile, disgusting lump of flesh?

‘Why had I come back?’ I wondered after Dad’s party degenerated to violence and insults. I should have avoided the party, I mean after Mags told me that he didn’t approve of Jack, I ought to have guessed what would happen next.

His face had changed from warm and welcoming to one marred by loathing just because I’m different. I couldn’t help but remember how Ross had looked at me when I’d told him, it was the same disgusted look he’d worn when I came out to him, the same that bigot I’d dated had before he started hitting me.

It really hurts.

Maybe that is why I had put it out of my mind.

I would never be accepted by some of the family. I doubt that even Uncle Ben can stomach my change. I didn’t go back to the party. Instead I went upstairs changed Bonnie and walked to a spot in the woodlot behind our sub division.

I don’t know why it had never been cut down and developed but its a little forest in the middle of suburbia, with old oak, pine and ash trees and squirrels I had my own secret little place in there, a large granite boulder, with a nearly flat surface that I used to lie on when I went there.

I walked into the lot, just as before there was very little brush to deter me and I’d changed out of my party dress as I had no intention of partying anymore.

As a kid it’s a spot I used to visit when I was overwhelmed by everything, which was nearly all the time in my latter teens.

I didn’t know why I had the misfortune of being born a boy who was a girl on the inside. Sometimes it felt so terrible I couldn’t function. This was invariably my go to place on those days. My rock was still there. I smiled despite how I felt. Bonnie looked sleepy, as she invariably did after a feed. I sat down and sang her to sleep with a lullaby I remembered from my own childhood.

I smiled at the memory. I had hazy memories of that time just before Mags was born, it had been a happy time for me, times which became increasingly rare as I grew older, I don’t think I’d realized the seriousness of my dilemma back then. I just knew something was wrong but it really turned into a full blown ache when I was about 10 and realized no matter how I wished I wasn’t going to wake up a girl the next morning or ever fall pregnant.

It may have been the saddest point in my life, I was never truly happy again after that realization and puberty just cemented my feelings of depression.

I smiled, things had seemed so bad, so insurmountable back then yet here I was, a woman, carrying my baby. I may not have carried her for nine months but I was her mother. I had more than achieved my dreams and I had come full circle.

Why did I care so much about how I was seen?

I sighed; I didn’t want her growing up here with such toxic relatives around.

I mean I’m glad I’m back as I’d missed my immediate family so much. There had been so many occasions when I’d come quite close to calling Mum or confiding in Mags but the fear they would be like Ross and Uncle Tim and all the people who’d looked at me like I was a freak made me chicken out of getting in touch. I could never abide rejection from these three people.

I had been back once when I made a secret trip back here to watch Mags graduate high school, it had broken my heart to see them but not go talk to them as nothing could have made me come forward at that moment. It had taken losing Ross and having Bonnie for me to find the strength to return home.

My heart never beat as fast as it did except for the day I left home, the night before my surgery and before Ross and I spent our first night together. I’d literally never been so scared.

Their initial reaction left me terrified, I was ready to give up and Bonnie was crying as was I. Like I’ve said I’d never felt so scared. I’d also never felt so alone. I remembered the shocked expressions on their faces and my mother’s gasp. I turned and ran. Which is when Mom surprised me, she ran after me, telling me to wait. When she caught up she just embraced me and we both broke down. She led me back into the house to the sort of reunion I’d always wished for but feared would never happen.

I should never have doubted Mom and Dad, their happy I’m back. They may have been mad about my transition but after my explanation I think Mom came on board. Anything had to be better than me dying. I’ll never forget the expression on her face after I’d jumped in front of that car.

Dad has taken a while to accept it. I think the whole thought of the surgery I had and actually becoming a woman is hard for him to take, especially seeing as I was as he saw it his boy, I think a part of him blames himself like he feels he wasn’t a good enough model for me. If only he knew how much I look up to him and how I ached just to be his little girl with Mags.

I don’t doubt that he loves me too; he even gave me a hug and a good night kiss the other night. I know nothing could ever stop me loving Bonnie. There’s just something special about having a kid, you want only the best for them and if I can feel like that about Bonnie Mom and Dad certainly feel like that about me warts and all. Maybe I should have told them when I was younger but I’m not sure they would have understood it all. I don’t think I could have transitioned here whatever Jack thinks.

I guess there was no other way. Looking back it’s a wonder I actually finished high school without ending my life. I’d been so miserable, wanting so bad to stop being male and be the girl I really was. Every day had been full of torment at how wrong my body was, the terrible envy I felt of the girls at school, of Mags of Jack and how comfortable he was in his own skin.

I’d tried wishing it away by studying, playing sports, heck I’d even used weed once but it just came back stronger than ever. Nothing could make me feel or accept that I was a male.

I instinctively knew no one around here could or would have understood me. I think it was that realization that drove me to the brink and away from my family.

The world has changed since 2005, people like me aren’t on the fringes anymore and if you’re lucky like I was you can live a mostly normal life in some places except where families are concerned.

I love Mags and my parents way too much to ever lose them again but maybe I was dreaming too much, my life isn’t here. I wonder if I can persuade all three of them to move to California. I can imagine the whole neighborhood will know about me by sunset tomorrow.

I just can’t help feeling they will be more like Tim than Ben.

I wish I could say I didn’t care but I care far too much for my family and my daughter. I don’t want Bonnie to grow up hearing slurs about her mother or aunt’s boyfriend.

I didn’t see Bel come back, Dad’s party had been salvaged after all and I’d enjoyed it after the unpleasantness that had marred its start. I had the awkward realization that this may not have been the case had Bel stayed on.

I now knew why she had initially refused to attend.

I suddenly felt a swooping sensation in my stomach as I realized this wasn’t new or unexpected to her. Sure she was rich and beautiful but there would always be that epitaph hanging round her, she used to be Des, a man.

I was dancing with Jack when this epiphany hit me. I instantly felt guilty for enjoying myself while my sister was alone feeling awful somewhere.

I tensed and Jack felt it as led me around the makeshift dance floor.

“What’s wrong?”

“Bel, I can’t believe I’m having fun after what happened,” I confessed.

Jack sighed, “I know,” he murmured shaking his head.

I looked him in the eye.

“How does she deal with that?” I asked.

“How do you deal with it?” I carried on.

Jack shrugged, “I just live, I tell myself not everyone is like that. My best friend was a white guy and my girl is his sister. I mean how do you cope with being a woman and all the sexism? Do you mope or just plod on?” Jack answered.

“I see what you mean, after a while you just get used to it and hope no one does it to you in particular,” I murmured.

“There you go,” Jack answered.

“What about Bel? I mean at least you have people that share your experiences and I can always talk to other women about this being a man’s world. I don’t know anyone else like Bel,” I said slowly, feeling sorry for my sister.

Jack nodded, “It’s more common than you think, when I was in college one of my professors was like her. She ran a campus group for people like your sister. So she’s not alone. She’s got you. I’ve seen how you’ve welcomed her, how you defend her. I know you were this close to beating your uncle.”

Jack smiled. I kissed him

“Why don’t you go cheer her up?” Jack suggested.

“She hasn’t come home yet,”

“She’s upstairs. I saw her sneak back in an hour ago,”

I pushed on his chest.

“You didn’t tell me?”

Jack smiled, “Hey I needed you too,” he laughed, his schoolboy grin lighting up his face and my heart.

How I loved this man.

I kissed him savouring the long, sweet kiss, not caring that my parents weren’t too far from us.

“I love you,” I whispered.

He lifted up my chin, “I love you too,” he said in his deep baritone.

“Call me,” I murmured before blowing him a kiss.

He put out his hands to catch something before bringing the tips of his fingers to his lips and kissing them.

I giggled and turned to go upstairs.

To be continued.

Sydney Moya

© 2016

Synopsis

A man left his home town years ago as a teenager. Now he returns but is very different from the person who left years ago.

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Part 7-The dance

I knocked on Bel's door.

"Come in," she said, her voice soft.

I entered the room. Bel was sitting up in her bed staring out at the window. I walked up to her.

"Hey," I murmured.

"Hey sis," Bel remarked.

She looked tired and forlorn. I sat down besides her. I reached for her hand and clasped it.

She squeezed back. We didn't need to say anything else.

The fallout from Belinda's revelation was something else. Uncle Tim cut all ties with us much to his wife's annoyance as she thought he should have been more civil to us.

Mason and Earl were mad as hell but we'd never liked the buggers anyway. They had all of our uncle's bigotry and none of their mother’s tact. Rhiannon was torn between both camps as was her mother.

Both of them couldn't get Bel's decision to transition but they were morbidly fascinated by the whole thing. It certainly wasn't something they were going to quarrel with us over and to be honest Bonnie was amazingly cute. They talked to Mom for ages on the phone when they called to apologise for the horrible events of the previous day.

They assured Mom it certainly wasn't something they were going to cut ties with us over. They knew the fault lay with Tim. Sandy promised she would talk to her husband, she let us know she was outraged at his behaviour and didn't blame Ben for socking him.

Mom's side of the family was still in the dark about Bel as she had left the party after the altercation. I don't think Mom knew what to say to them and she was walking on eggshells around Bel for the next few days as she didn't want to upset her further. Dad was the same, hard to read, so I guess only Mom knew what was going through his head.

Bel wasn’t really the same for some days after the incident at our father’s party. She seemed down even though she wore her usual smile. It didn’t extend to her eyes. I recalled what she’d told me about her ex, Ross, how he’d just stopped seeing her as a woman after she’d come out to him.

I had no idea how horrid it had been to listen to Tim’s vitriol. I’d been pretty upset myself at his taunts, there was no telling how she felt. I realised I didn’t know Bel as well as I thought I did, I’d probably never known her.

Despite this I loved her, she was my sibling and from what I could tell a great person. I certainly didn’t want to lose her again so I made sure I was always upbeat around her, smiling, helping with the baby and drawing her into stuff when I came back from work in the hope of not letting her get into a funk and feel out of place.

I think it worked up to a point.

There was some sort of good news later in the week. Uncle Ben didn’t have to face prosecution. We had all braced ourselves for a fight with Uncle Tim but apparently Sandy had talked him into withdrawing the charges for her sake. My uncle was a damn bigot but I have to say he loved my aunt. That wasn’t in doubt, despite all his horrible views, I think it was why Dad and Ben tolerated him.

Family is everything we are always told. Blood is thicker than water, well Uncle Tim wasn’t my blood. Bel, Ben and Bonnie were my blood. I loved Jack without a doubt. I could take the fallout from Belinda's coming out. Not talking to Tim wasn't something I'd lose sleep over.

I doubted there would be much hope for making peace with Mason, Earl and Tim though especially if they didn’t change their views about Bel and Jack. I just knew they were running their mouths somewhere about Bel and Jack. I couldn't care less if I didn't set eyes on them again.

Naturally this would upset my sister though she never said. I know the last thing she wanted was to be cause of division in the family but she wasn’t to blame. I wanted to get her mind off things so I did my level best to cheer up

Later that week I finally coaxed Bel into taking a girls night out with me. I dressed up to the nines and made sure she was too. This was after Mom had reassured her Bonnie would be alright with her.

“You won’t regret this,” I told her as we drove off.

Bel glanced at me, smiled wanly.

“You need to cheer up,” I told her, “and this is just the thing,” I told her.

“Are you sure we have the same mother?”

“Why,’’

“Because my idea of relaxing is my couch and Netflix,” Bel informed me.

“Oh no I have an old maid for a sister,” I gasped in mock horror.

My sister giggled a wry grin on her face.

“Who are you calling old missy?” Bel hollered.

“You, I mean you’re twenty-eight and would rather be in bed right now, if the shoe fits,”

Bel smiled and shook her head at me as she drove

“We’ll see,” she said.

I did see and was forced to eat my words. Bel could party with the best of them, because as soon we entered the club she had me dancing to my shoes off. Boy could she dance, in heels too. I wondered what had possessed my demure sister. I thought she might actually have a second career dancing in Queen Bey videos.

This is from a girl who used to practice dancing in her room every day as a teen.

Yeah she was that good she could break dance and crump with the best of them while completely comfortable in her party dress and 4’’ heels. I could barely keep up, she danced with me and two different guys.

“Can’t keep up?’’ Bel asked me, as I staggered to a table, “It is way past your bed time Missy,” she snarked.

“Okay, okay I was wrong sis. Where did you learn to dance like that?”

“It’s a gift,” she said with a smile.

“I hate you,” I told her as we sat down. She smiled.

“Hate the game not the player,” she said sagely.

I rolled my eyes.

We ordered some drinks I had a fruity cocktail while Bel had a soft drink as she was going to drive us back. It was only a matter of time before Bel starting bumping into people from her past. When she was in school my sister had been a quiet kid, she hadn’t stood out much or anything.

Beautiful women stand out far more than teenage boys though. We were busy looking at the dance floor when someone squealed.

“Megan!”

I turned around and saw the source of the squeal a smile crept on to my face. It was my friend Sharon.

“Sharon,” I said just as happily.

She was an old school friend of mine. We’d been besties in junior high. We’d lost touch when I’d headed off to varsity.

I stood up and hugged her.

“Oh girl it’s been too long,” my old friend murmured.

“Yeah, what’s up?’’ I said taking in Sharon.

She looked great and I told her so. She smiled and joined us at the table.

“Hi,’’ she said to Bel who smiled and said hi back.

She didn’t seem to recognise Bel and my sister didn’t seem bothered.

I forgot my manners and didn’t introduce Bel to Sharon as I didn’t want to out my sister or lie about her either. A couple of seconds later Bel downed her drink and went back to the dance floor.

As I’ve said Bel was gorgeous, she had fantastic style which made for quite the looker. I don’t think she really believed it as she seemed to have a low opinion of her looks. She didn’t seem to get how lovely she was. She certainly wasn’t a bitch about it.

Of course I have been told I’m good looking too and I’m no bitch, at least I hope not so it might be genetic.

That plus her ability to dance certainly ensured she would attract male attention. As hip hop number blared from the speakers, my sister was shaking it for all she was worth. A guy came over and started dancing with her.

This guy was clearly a good dancer too and it was only natural that they dance together. Boy did they dance. They were so good, people actually made a circle to watch them as they one upped each other. Slowly their moves became more suggestive and I opened my mouth shocked my sister was such a tease, seriously I was a stunned I didn’t know my sister was confident enough to do that.

The song drew to a close and the crowd cheered them. I saw Bel and the guy head away to a nearby table.

“Wow she’s good. Do you know her?’’ Sharon asked.

I nodded, “Yes,” I answered.

“You look alike, related?” Sharon asked.

I nodded as I watched Bel laugh at something the dude she’d picked up was saying.

I changed the subject and paid more attention to my friend. We talked over the din before her beau finally came. We exchanged numbers and promised to call each other.

Bel came back soon afterwards with her dance partner in tow.

Belinda

I will admit I was feeling low after Dad’s party. I worried about my past being broadcast to the public. Mags saw right through me and she did her best to cheer me up, as did Mom. She actually sat me down the next morning

“Don’t go sweetheart, please,’’ she told me the next morning, “we love you. Don’t listen to Tim ok.”

I shook my head, sighing.

“I,I,” I began my eyes filling with tears.

She pulled me into her arms giving me a warm hug. I cried for a bit while she held me. It felt so cathartic.

“I’m so tired of people like that,” I murmured.

“I know but your father and I love you, okay,” said Mum, patting my back.

I nodded feeling ten again which come to think of it is the last time I cried in Mom’s arms when Grandma Pattie died.

Dad didn’t say much to me. I didn’t know how to bring up the whole thing and I didn’t want to but I wished he’d say something. I wondered if he was upset that I’d ruined his party and his sister’s marriage.

I was still worried over the next few days about Uncle Ben and if we’d have to go to court and all, it probably showed and Mags seemed to take it upon herself to cheer me up suggesting we go clubbing later that week.

I hate saying no to her, she’s always had this sad look in her eyes if someone disappoints her. It's gut-wrenching. I hope Bonnie never learns that or I’m toast.

When it turned out Tim wouldn’t be pressing charges I breathed a sigh of relief.I also had some good news from Alana, my p.a. The start-up we'd invested in a year ago was about to launch their app. Apparently Barry thought it was an excellent product, our beta testers agreed as well. It looked like it was going to be quite profitable.

That saved my week making me amiable to going dancing with Mags. I didn’t let her think I was too eager to do it and she ribbed me all the way to the club. Inside I was smiling, happy to be with her. My sister is quite a person, I'm a so proud of the young woman she's become. I used to be so scared she wouldn't want me after my transition but she's been great especially on Saturday. I saw how mad she was at Tim. I think she would have gone for him if Ben hadn't done so first. She cares so much which is humbling.

I love the relationship we are developing. She is full of fun and isn't afraid to live life to the fullest. I don't know how I've managed without her in my life for so long.

When we arrived at the club she dragged me to the dance floor. Of course I didn’t tell her I had started dancing lessons in California. It was another of Callie's harebrained ideas to increase my confidence. Turns out I was pretty good at it, I literally saw Mags jaw drop as she tried to keep up with me.

Who is the old woman now, hah!

Of course I didn’t tell her that, I just kept dancing until she called it quits dragging me back to a table.

She was dying to know how I just did that. I just let her stew in her curiosity, enjoying the look on her face.

I teased her just a teeny bit.

Gah! When did I become so competitive?

We had some drinks, while talking about how maddening heels were. I'm taller than most so I don't like being taller but they do wonders for my legs. I look so good in them and I'm a sucker for looking good.

I was feeling quite good at that moment. Imagine my consternation when Sharon Andrews showed up. I immediately recalled her, she was a good friend of Mags when they were younger. I literally froze inside, terrified she would recognise me though I guess I was nonchalant on the outside.

I didn’t feel like that with Jack maybe because we weren't in such a crowded place and I had yet to experience my no good uncle's prejudice. After Dad's party I'd come to my senses and realised this was a redneckish area, was I going to become another stat after Sharon outed me as a dude in a dress in a crowded nightclub. Who would raise Bonnie?

Countless thoughts went through my head.

Thankfully she only had eyes for Mags who was alert enough to deflect. We were operating on a strictly need to know basis nowadays. With my heart pounding I slinked off to the dance floor to avoid giving Sharon fodder-time to have a thorough look at me.

A nice song started, it was Ciara’s, 'Like a boy,' an old favourite of mine. I found myself slowly swaying to the beat. I must have lost myself in the song because before I knew it there was a guy making the same moves, perfectly.

I accepted the unspoken challenge.We went mano a mano, dancing to some upbeat songs. Slowly the dance became more intimate as a more sensual song played but I was enjoying it. I was lost in the moment; he was a very good dancer.

After what seemed like an eternity we finally finished, it was then I noticed the circle of people and the applause. I turned red. The stranger bowed and then offered his hand. For some reason I took it feeling a frisson of excitement as the tips of our fingers touched.

I looked him in the eyes, they were a whirlpool of blue, quite arresting. He gave a wry grin and my tummy did somersaults.

"You are now pregnant with my child. It is the magic of the dance," he said,

I know corny right? Straight from the Simpsons too. But I'm weird like that and I found it funny and his baritone did things to me.

I found myself laughing.

"Lets find a place to sit,'' he suggested, placing his hand on the small of my back.

I allowed myself to be led to a table, aware of how strong he was.

To be continued

Coming Home

©2016

Sydney Moya

Synopsis

A man left his home town years ago as a teenager. Now he returns but is very different from the person who left years ago.

Part 8

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Belinda

I learnt that my dance partner's name was Javier. He was tall, definitely over six foot two or thereabouts. He had an average build neither small or big with an ordinary face with jewels for eyes.

"It's a pleasure. My name is Belinda," I replied.

He smiled. His smile was easy, warm and extended to his eyes. I liked it.

"Ditto.”

I shook my head slightly, “You’re Belinda too?” I teased.

He chuckled, “You’re funny and you have great moves too,''

"I try,'' I remarked.

His mouth fell open, he shook his head now.

"Yeah right, are you a professional?" Javier asked.

I laughed, "Heavens no, its just fun," I remarked.

He chuckled, "Then you have an interesting life," he observed.

"I doubt it. I haven't danced in ages," I replied.

"Now that I find hard to believe," Javier said.

I giggled a bit like a school girl much to my embarrassment.

"It's true. I just came here to de-stress is all," I explained.

He nodded.

"So where did you pick up those moves?" I asked.

“I got into hip hop dancing as a teen,” he explained, “my mother forced me to take dance lesson’s when I was 7, saying it would come in handy one day.”

"Like today. I met you," he announced, " thanks Momma!"

I shook my head and rolled my eyes and he just laughed. His laughter was a joyful sound and it was contagious. I found myself chuckling with him.

We talked for ages about dancing and all sorts of things.

I found out a ton about him. Javier also had a passion for dancing in his spare time but he was a free lance programmer.

"You don't look it," I immediately said without thinking.

The words just popped out of my mouth. I blushed.

He laughed, "I get that a lot," he remarked.

Yeah he probably did seeing as he was a bona fide hunk. I half expected him to be a personal trainer or something.

I smiled.

"What do you do when you're not dancing up a storm?"

"I work for a hedge fund,"I said.

"You don't look it,"Javier remarked smirking.

"Touché,"

I laughed.

He explained what he did for a living. He consulted a lot but he mentioned some ideas he had for apps which I found interesting.

I was so engrossed I had forgotten about Mags who had to come over and remind me of her existence.

"Hey," she said to us.

"Hi,"Javier nodded.

"Javier this is Megan, my sister," I began.

He smiled. Mags gave a little wave.

"Hi," my sister said.

"Pleased to meet you," Javier remarked, “I see that beauty runs in the family,” he said.

Mags turned red and I shook my head, something that had becoming common around this guy. At this rate swiveling will be my neck’s default setting.

Mags looked at me apologetically.

"I have work tomorrow," she whispered.

I turned red again.

"Sorry," I said in a whimper.

I looked at Javier.

"I have to go," I said definitely disappointed. I hadn't clicked with a guy like this in ages.

Javier seemed disappointed too.

"That's ok. Maybe we can have lunch tomorrow," he offered.

"I'd love to," I said.

I really wanted to talk to him again. I got up and with a sigh followed my sister outside.

"Okay spill," Mags said as soon as we were outside, "you dance like..," she said her mouth open wide.

I shrugged.

"I was having fun which is what you wanted right," I remarked, taking a quick glance at her.

"Not fun like that. I thought you were going to get arrested for lewd behaviour," my sister said.

I grinned happily, "You’re just jealous," I teased.

Mags laughed as we got in the car, "Maybe just a bit. Okay I lie I'm very jealous. I can't believe you girl. You have some great moves," she replied.

"Thanks," I said.

She shook her head, "You never cease to amaze me Bel."

"I aim to please," I chuckled.

"So Javier?" Mags prompted.

"He is cute but his moves are hot," I confessed.

"Who are you and what have you done to my sister?" Mags teased.

“I am the genie who appears when you call Belinda an old maid,” I whispered.

Mags laughed.

What a night! I have never enjoyed a night out so much in my life. I hardly drank but Bel surprised the hell out of me. I had been teasing her about being an old bore but I had to eat my words last night.

Have I mentioned what a fantastic dancer she was?

Bel is saucy, flirty and definitely not as shy as she seems. I watched her bring a bouncing club to a stop and then slink off with a hot guy like it was something she did every day. Sharon who kept following my glances hated her immediately. She had been one of the mousy girls in school and hated the cheerleader types that Bel could easily have been. If only she knew.

“Your friend is such a show-off,” she muttered.

In Sharon’s world that could mean anything from a hussy to a show-boater. I was going with the latter.

“Don’t hate the player hate the game,” I automatically said.

“Puleez!” Sharon announced.

“Who is she anyway?”

“A very good friend, maybe I’ll tell you about her someday. Do you want another drink?” I responded knowing it wasn’t my secret to tell and that plying her with alcohol would probably get her to shut up about my sister.

It worked up to a point.

I turned my full attention to catching up with Sharon while my sister probably flirted with her hot guy. I hoped she was having fun. Before long a couple of hours had passed and every time I looked at my sister she was deep in conversation with her catch.

It sounds like I am jealous doesn’t it? I’m not. I was curious to know who he was, especially after what had happened to my sister with her last man. He definitely looked interesting and he exuded confidence even from afar.

I was loathe to disturb them but I had to go to work tomorrow and my sister was my ride home.

So I stood up and went over after Sharon had made her goodbyes.

Belinda was sitting there enraptured by Javier. She seemed to be listening closely to him. Just looking at them seemed to be interrupting an intimate moment.

I could see why, Javier was easy on the eyes even in the subdued lighting that permeated the club.

I had no choice but to disturb them certain my sister would hate me for interrupting. Bel was actually very apologetic and we left without a fuss though both of them looked dismayed their time together was up.

"You really like this guy don't you?" I asked her as we drove home and I was done teasing her about her dancing.

"I don't know what to think, I did enjoy meeting him," Bel answered me.

They had arranged a lunch date though which got me thinking.

"Are you going to tell him?" I asked.

Bel looked at me, "I don't know. I was having so much fun it didn't even cross my mind,'' she said, a small smile on her face.

"Good," I answered.

I didn't want Bel dwelling on her past or letting it weigh her down like I suspected it had for the past week. I wanted my confident sister back.

"Yeah. It's nice when I can just forget myself for a while," she murmured, "It would be nice if I had just been born a girl.”

I didn’t know what to make of this but I didn’t agree with her.

“You wouldn’t be Bel then, maybe you’d have been Megan,” I told her.

“No, that wouldn’t do then because I can’t be you. You can’t dance,” she teased.

I gave her the middle finger which only made her giggle.

“I love you sis,” Bel said, smiling at me, “you brought me out of my funk,” she murmured.

I would have hugged her if she wasn’t driving.

“I know Bel. I love you too,” I said, my eyes teary.

It wasn’t the wine talking.

She squeezed my hand.

Belinda

Javier was waiting at the restaurant when I got there. He stood up when I reached the table. I was a bit taken aback at his manners. I wasn't used to this back home.

"Hello," he said before offering his hand.

I smiled, pleased to see him.

I gave my hand and he kissed it. 'Wow,' I thought.

"Hi," was all I could say in response.

He pulled a seat for me and I sat down.

"So how has been your day?" I asked.

"Brilliant now that you're here," he told me without batting an eyelid.

He seemed so sincere. I smiled.

"That can't be true," I replied.

"I have just been counting the hours," he returned with an easy smile.

Join the club I thought. I had been a bundle of nerves the whole morning much to my mother’s amusement.

Javier wasn't all charm and no substance though. He was great to talk to. As we had the meal he regaled me with anecdotes from his past. It was a gas. He had my sides splitting with laughter.

We talked about everything including my addiction to TV shows.

"They say it’s the golden age of TV," I remarked, "It's a wonder I ever get anything done."

"Yeah I know the feeling there are lot if great shows and you can tivo anything you can’t watch live now,"

"It has its down side too. It’s killed off promising shows too like Terra Nova for instance," I replied.

"It had promise being a Spielberg film and all," he agreed.

"I hate how it didn't end," I remarked.

"True what else do you watch? Game of thrones?"

I shook my head,

"I don't see what the obsession with Game of Thrones is about. Its just porn and murder."

"It's an interesting story," he remarked.

"Not my cup of tea."

"Okay you still didn't tell me what you like?”

“Have you ever watched Person of Interest?”

“Have I ever? BEST SHOW EVER!”

“Really I think so too!”

You have no idea how nice it was to finally meet a fellow POI addict. No one else I know in the real world seems to find it as interesting as I do. I was trying to get Mag's interested but as you know she didn't respect the art of watching TV.
Javier was a big fan of Person of interest which stoked my interest as it was my absolute favourite tv show.

"Really, I love that show, I hate how CBS treated it,"

"I know. It should at least have a had a full last season,"

We talked about Carter, Shaw, Root, Elias and Finch.

“Did you watch the episode after Carter got killed?”

“Yes, Reese deserved an Emmy for that performance,”

"Yep did you see how clinical he was with those Marshals? Even Finch couldn’t talk him down. "

"Definitely in my top three episodes,"

We talked and talked about the show. Reliving our favourite moments and quoting the lines.

"Eternal Vigilance is the price of liberty always got me," Javier remarked.

I nodded, "But Control, Elias, Greer and Dominic had the best lines. 'National security is not a game!"

"What about, 'Everybody dies. No man is a river?"

I one upped him, "What about the special beat when Greer appear starts talking about Samaritan. And that accent. Loved it!"

Javier quoted the guy in a polished British accent making me laugh.

"The relevant side and Vigilance had the best music though. Very sinister," he remarked

Our meal finished as did the lunch hour while we just chatted away. I had never enjoyed talking to a guy so much. I had found a kindred spirit it seemed. After what seemed like minutes he checked his phone.

“Will you look at the time?”

It was 4:30. OMG, had we just spent three hours discussing a tv show?

“I have to go,” Javier announced.

“Me too” I agreed, thinking of the meeting with a client I had skipped.

I didn’t regret it though. I had enjoyed myself immensely.

“Thank you, I really enjoyed the time I spent with you Belinda,” he said in that sexy gravelly voice of his.

“Same here,” I responded, smiling brightly.

He refused to let me pay and walked me to my car where I didn’t hesitate before kissing him on the cheek. He made me feel so gooey inside. Gosh, I am not a teenage girl but he made me feel like one

I went home on a cloud.

Mom smiled when she saw me.

“How was you date?”

I smiled, “It was just lunch,”

“Well where I’m from when a woman walks in from lunch with a man smiling like a cat that got the canary, she had a great date,” Mom told me.

“It was fun,” I said, trying and failing not to smile.

Mom smiled at me.

“That’s great honey,” she said.

"Mum I like him a lot," I confided,"is it wrong that I want to see him again?"

Mom walked over to me and gave me a hug.

"No it's quite normal," she said softly.

She let go of me then stroked my hair.

"You're beautiful baby. I wish I had seen this part of you years ago," Mom said, sighing before kissing my forehead.

That night I dreamt about Ross. We were in in our apartment, kissing. As he unbuttoned my nightie he stopped kissing me for a moment.

He turned into Javier whose cute smile suddenly vanished. He was looking at me with horror. I was Des again.

My body just felt wrong all over again only this time it was worse than ever.

Tim was there spitting at me while people who appeared from nowhere mocked me and sniggered while Dad looked on, a grim expression on his face as Mom cried, "Son how could you?"

I looked around for Bonnie but I couldn't find her. I screamed for her. Root appeared and pulled out a gun and smiled that evil smile of hers.

"You are just bad code," she said before pulling the trigger.

My eyes opened and I nearly screamed again. This wasn't my house.

Where was my baby? My glance flew to the cot in the corner. Bonnie lay there sleeping peacefully. I sighed relieved and noted I was still a woman.

The next few days confirmed something I had suspected since our club night, Bel was falling in love with Javier. She told me she couldn't stop thinking about him as we sat in the lounge in our shorts having ice-cream on a Sunday morning, while some movie provided the side dish to our conversation. It felt nice to have this moment with her. Mom, Dad and Bonnie had gone for a picnic. Bel felt it was good for her daughter to spend time with her grandparents even though she felt they spoilt her rotten.

So it was just the pair of us. She had been on a third date with Javier the previous night, a Saturday.

I had watched my cool, composed sister panic about her hair, makeup and dress.

“Just chill Bel,” I had told her before helping her make choices with her outfit.

Apparently the date had gone well, too well in fact.

“I told him I’m a single mother and he said that was okay. He even asked to meet Bonnie,” Bel told me.

“And you wanted to jump his bones there and then?” I said with raised eyebrows.

Bel swatted my legs, “No you twerp. You have such a dirty mind but I don’t put out that fast. It was maybe 5 minutes after that,” she said.

I giggled.

“The thing is I like everything he does. He is romantic, has great taste, has empathy, is smart and he is open to dating a single mother.”

She sighed longingly.

“I’m going to have to tell him soon,” she murmured.

“He will be okay with it. He seems like a nice guy,” I reassured her.

“Ross was a nice guy and he was sickened by me,” Bel said, her voice tinged with pain.

I put down my ice cream and placed an arm around her.

“I don’t want that magic to go away, you know,” Bel said quietly.

“I know,” I agreed having been in a couple of relationships before going out with Jack.

That feeling when you can’t wait to see the guy diminishes and you can’t help but see his faults, small at first but ultimately you can't live with them. you discover parts of his personality that you find annoying. It isn’t too long before it sours. With Jack I knew his faults and he knew mine and I still longed to be with him which is how I knew he is the one.

“Bel you’re a girl. No a woman and a wonderful human being. If Javier can’t look past your past he doesn’t deserve to be with you and you’re better off without him,” I told her.

“Why do you love me so much?” Bel asked, “After everything. You don’t think I’m weird or what?”

I looked at her, “Of course you’re weird Bel and not because of the sex-change but you’re my sister and I have always loved you. You have no idea how much I missed you when you left. There were many times I wanted to get on a bus and follow you. And stop questioning it we’re family so I’m not going to bail on you. I love you for you not because of whatever’s going on in your crotch,” I told her.

Bel laughed and flicked her ice cream on my cheek.

“Dirty, dirty mind,”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her. I then picked up a scoop of ice cream

“No, no, no!” Bel yelped

I chucked it onto her hair.

“Megan!”

I hugged her to prevent a food fight the way a boxer does to his opponent when he can’t roll with the punches. Bel giggled and I joined in.

“You’re a witch!”

“I know but you started it,” I told her.

I let go and took out my phone for a selfie.

Bel made a silly face as did I and we took a picture of us. I printed it the same day. It has pride of place on the wall in the lounge now.

“Let’s go to London,” Bel said out of the blue, “take some time off. Maybe a week. Just the two of us?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” Bel remarked.

“I’d love to but I can’t afford that,” I replied.

She waved me off, “Don’t even worry about that. My treat,” she said.

“Okay, I’ll find out at work,” I returned.

Belinda

I was happy again. Mags and I were going to England together and I couldn’t wait to show her around. She was rapidly becoming my best friend which was how it should be. We were sisters after all. Then there was Javier. I didn’t want to jinx it but I was falling for the guy. Mom and I were closer than ever which warmed my soul. I don’t know how it had happened but Dad’s party had changed everything between us. She wasn’t scared of mothering me anymore and it was thanks to these three that I put Tim out of my mind.

There was Dad too. We had a complicated relationship at the best of times but I felt he was holding back. I needn’t have waited too long to find out.

Dad wasn't too enthused about me seeing a guy. He looked like it disturbed him a bit. The excitement of Mom cooing at my appearance and my sister telling me I needed to look less or more hot in colourful terms wasn't something he shared or seemed comfortable with. Whenever I caught his eye he didn’t seem what can I say, accepting isn’t the right word. He had opened his doors to me but he had a way of making me feel like I was doing something wrong without saying a word just by his gaze, short as it was. It was a feeling I knew all to well from my childhood and it still had the power to make me question what I was doing.

I said nothing but it was only a matter of time until it came to a head. It wasn't like I was 12 anymore and would automatically back down in fear of his disapproval.

I saw Javier again on Monday evening. Neither of us could stay away from each other but I still hadn’t told him my story. When I came home I found Dad waiting up for me.

I smiled at him.

"Hey Dad," I said

"Hello, did you have fun?"

I nodded, "Yes we went to Mario's. It was quite nice,"

Dad nodded. He looked me in the eye, "You like this guy don't you?"

No beating about the bush then.

I nodded sheepishly, a bit embarrassed.

Dad stared at me before sighing. "Do you have to like men? Don't you think that's wrong given you used to be one?"

My heart fell. I wanted to run to my room. The way he said it.I was so hurt and a bit ashamed. I couldn't stomach his disappointment.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

"Dad I can't help how I feel," I said softly, "I'm sorry I couldn't be the son you deserved."

"I didn't mean it like that,"

"Then how do you mean it?" I asked.

To be continued

Coming Home

©2016

Sydney Moya

Synopsis

A man left his home town years ago as a teenager. Now he returns but is very different from the person who left years ago.

Part 9

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Belinda
He remained silent.

"I wish I could have been happy being a man dad for all our sakes but it wasn't me, I hated all of it with every fibre of my being. I couldn't stand my own body. Do you know how horrid that feels? Waking up and feeling everything about you is a lie, disgusted by your body. Every single day of your life; during every in between moment. Knowing you should be a girl because you have all the feelings girls have. It hurts so bad,"

I was crying now, “I like guys Dad. I can't help how I feel okay."

I hate that my body used to be like theirs and I would give anything to just have been a normal girl but this is the best I can do. Maybe I should just give up and get ready to be alone for the rest of my life," I managed to say.

"Darling I'm sorry," he murmured

Dad reached for me. I lost it.

''I just wish you would look at me differently," I sobbed.

"I love you,” Dad murmured, “I worry about you but I only want the best for you. In my head you left ten years ago and came back a girl. It's hard for me too. Getting used to the idea I have two girls and what that means."

I pulled apart a bit, "It doesn't mean I am a different person,"

There was a pained look in his eyes.

"But you are. I had no idea about what you were going through. I feel like I failed you. You suffered right in front of me and ran away from home because of it. Now look at you. I don't know this person you have become and it scares me. You are this confident, successful woman and I have no idea how that person came from my baby boy,"

I saw a tear fall from his eye.

I gave him a hug.

"I wanted to tell you."

He nodded.

We sat down on the couch.

I started talking about the time when I was five and found out that I was going to be a man when I grew up. I told him how even at that age it didn't add up.

"As a kid you always knew you were a boy right?"

He nodded.

"I just knew I was a girl too even though everybody said I was a boy. It was confusing and no one seemed to feel the way I did. When Mom explained to me about girls and boys around the time Mags was born she said I would grow up to be a big strong man something inside said no that isn't right. I should be a Mommy.

As a child I was happy enough. You know I loved playing with Mags and Matt and Lucy the (neighbouring kids). Everything was simple enough. I could forget how I felt most of the time even though I'd pray that I would be a girl the next morning. I knew better than to tell anyone but Mags as she was too young to care. Kids my age were already picking on each other for the smallest things. Being a boy wanting to be a girl was never going to be acceptable. I dressed up in Mom’s clothes every once in a while. I think she thought Mags was doing it but she never caught me.

"Oh she knew but we ignored it. We figured you would grow out of it. I remember doing it with your aunt when I was 5." Dad replied.

My eyes went round, "Really,"

I was a bit surprised he used to dress up as a kid.

Dad nodded, “It’s just one of those things,” he shrugged.

I shook my head, it wasn't so clear cut to me back then. I didn't get why I was a girl who had to be a boy.

“It made me feel better. I stopped as I got older because I realized it wasn’t acceptable. The feelings of being a girl only became worse as I entered puberty. I wanted to tell someone so bad but I feared how people would take it. So I just kept inside, trying and wishing I would come to like being a boy. That didn’t work because I became more depressed the more time passed without my feelings being sorted out. When I couldn’t handle it I decided dying had to better than this. After that man missed me I knew I could never end my life, so I began planning how I was going to change,”

Tom

When Belinda first showed up I was stunned beyond words, imagine a beautiful young woman with a baby claiming to be your long lost son. A son you haven’t seen for 10 years I might add. On top of that she had a baby.

After the initial shock wore off she told us why she’d left.

I couldn’t believe it and I was very hurt, what had I done wrong that my son didn’t want to be a man? Had someone abused him?

Belinda explained about her depression and her suicidal feelings and I had to admit I would rather have her like this rather than six feet under. Since I didn’t want her to leave I did my best not to show how upset I was.

I couldn't fathom being a woman or wanting to be a woman. If you were born one then fine but getting cut up on purpose so you could be one when you were a man just didn't sit well with me. How does one live with that? It was beyond the pale.

My heart broke when Des said he had never felt like a man and nearly committed suicide. No doubt I was upset, I couldn’t shake the feeling that my son had ruined his life. What kind of a life had he chosen?

Then he had explained that he was for all intents and purposes a woman and would never change back. He told us he liked men. How his own maleness had sickened him, the discomfort he felt.

Well you could have knocked me over with a feather. This was too much but I held my tongue in the hope we could find out more about our kid. The last thing I wanted was to drive away my child. Ten years had been far too long.

Carmen shared my worries at first for a few weeks afterwards. She would tell me that it was so hard to reconcile Des with Belinda. Her baby boy was now a grown woman and a mother too.

Despite this we were both pleased to know our child was alive and relatively well and we resolved to let her stay as long as she wanted. After all she was our child, and Bonnie was our granddaughter.

I watched my wife and daughters bond, Carmen and Megan spent every free second with Belinda. I saw the cloud that had hung over my wife since we’d lost touch with Des disappear.

Every night Carmen would regale me with stories about our eldest 's life. That’s how I learnt she had two homes, a master’s degree and a sizeable bank account. I also discovered she’d had a heart broken by some man which made the hairs on my neck bristle.

Apparently they had lived together for two years before he broke up with her upon finding out she was born male. I hated the guy on principle but was thankful he hadn't harmed her physically.

"They were living together?" I asked my voice strained.

I wasn't sure I liked the implications of that.

Carmen nodded, "Yes for two years," she explained.

Carmen looked into my eyes, "I know what you're thinking Tom. Bel is a woman hon. I had my doubts but I've been watching her. I can't explain it but I don't doubt her anymore. She is a girl."

I said nothing, didn't voice my doubts to her. She had clearly accepted Bel as her daughter and was happy.

I couldn't say the same for myself but who was I to throw mud in her milk.

I didn't know what to make of Bel dating men but I worried it would endanger her when they inevitably found out.

The odd bit was Bel was beautiful. You wouldn't mind if your son brought along a girl that looked like she did home. For me it was strange. My son had become that girl. Nothing about her seemed contrived though. She definitely favoured my mother and sister and acted just like a woman. Her voice and mannerisms were perfect. She never appeared with a hair out of place. There was no sign she hadn't always been that way. I think she could have been a model.

Gone was the shy teenage boy who hardly smiled. He had been replaced by a confident lady. It was jarring to say the least. I wasn't sure I could get used to it.

Still some things hadn't changed, Mags still worshipped her sibling, it was like they had never been separated and she didn't mind that her brother was now a girl too. I could see the affection they shared and it warmed my heart.

Bel hadn't lost some of her old traits. She still rubbed her forehead when deep in thought and was a stickler for cleanliness and setting things in their proper place. She still had excellent manners as well to my delight. It was nice to see she hadn't changed completely. I mean she could have been a druggie with tattoo's everywhere so one has to be thankful for small mercies. She was too strong to look for answers in substance abuse.

Then there was Bonnie. I loved her from the moment I picked her up. She was so precious, her smile could melt the coldest heart. I don't care how Bel conceived her. She was the child of my child and I didn't want her ever to leave or grow up. I couldn't help but see how Belinda was devoted to her. I realized my kid had grown-up which made me loathe to tell how her to run her life. It did look like she had done pretty okay without our help which hurt a little. She could just as easily have stayed in California but she wanted her child to meet us. I respected that and would always be grateful.

I worry about my kids all the time. After Tim's behaviour the other day I was even more worried about what people would make of Bel. So far there hadn't been any thing. Whenever Ben called he would politely ask about the family but he never said anything about Bel in particular which suited me just fine. I was not up to her story yet. Our neighbours were also in the dark but I worried it was only a matter of time till people found out and began talking and who knows what else.

Ben told me no one would harm her but I still worried. I stayed up and waited whenever either of the girls went out.

Now Bel was dating a man she'd met at a night club with Megan which made me worry.

I sat there waiting for her, my mind filling with horrid images of what might have happened to her.

When she walked into the house my heart beat a little less faster.

Bel was hearing some sort of mini dress and high heels. She looked stunning which left me a bit proud and worried at the same. I knew she was going to break someone's heart soon enough but I only cared what would happen to her once that happened. The men I know are generally simple people and most of them would have a hard time comprehending her story. I don't want people lashing out at my child.

She smiled, that grin had been the same from the she was a babe in arms.

It always melted my heart, I did my best not to smile. It would hardly do, I don't approve of this Javier fella for her sake.

"Hey Dad," she said.

"Hello, did you have fun?"

She nodded, "Yes we went to Mario's. It was quite nice,"

Nice in what way I thought.

I nodded.

I had to know if she was serious about this boy, "You like this guy don't you?"

Bel nodded wearing another look from years gone by. I remembered seeing the same look when I caught her with some candy I had forbidden her from eating when she was eight.

There was no hiding how she felt about this Javier. Dammit couldn’t she see this wasn’t California? If her own uncle could spit on her what would a random man do when he found out her past?

I stared at her before sighing. "Do you have to like men? Don't you think that's wrong given you used to be one?"

I regretted it the instant the words left my mouth. I had only wanted to warn her not to hurt her which was clearly what I had done. Her face fell. Gone was the cheerful girl thanks to me. I prayed she wouldn’t leave again because of my stupid mouth.

Darn why had I said that?

I saw a tear roll down her cheek.

"Dad I can't help how I feel," she said softly, "I'm sorry I couldn't be the son you deserved."

My heart broke as I listened, her voice was shaky, she was clearly fighting back tears.

"I didn't mean it like that," I muttered

"Then how do you mean it?" Bel asked.

That was a damn good question.

Belinda

“What happened in California?”

I sat there dumbfounded.

I had no idea how to even answer my father’s question. How had the last ten years gone? I would have to write a book to even begin to explain to anyone.

I had made a lot of mistakes, had so many regrets especially regarding my folks.

Still I had been fortunate.

"I can't even begin to tell you," I told him, running my fingers through my hair.

Dad gave a wan smile.

"Just try," he murmured.

I nodded and proceeded to tell him a potted version of what I had been doing since the day I left home.

I told him about starting my transition, finding a job that paid enough to support said transition.

How hard it was till I met Callie and she led me to Barry and Mark. How scary living as a woman was after 18 years of being a guy.

I told him how exciting it was to see the changes brought by the hormones and the pleasure I felt when I looked in the mirror and saw my body becoming how I had always felt it should be, a feeling dampened by the belief that it wasn't happening fast enough.

To his credit he didn’t seem discomfited by my words.

I told him how people sometimes took second glances at you as they tried to figure you out which made you want to redouble your efforts so you could pass 100%

How much I missed home but had no idea how I would even tell them what I was going through. How easy it was to just stay out of touch.

Dad sat there and listened.

I told him about my first date and how excited I had been and how that ended in tears when I shared my history.

I could see the pain in his eyes as I told him how I had been beaten for being trans.

I told him about my work with Barry and Mark, how challenging I found it. Learning to code was amazing and it was nice to build something.

I told him how I had decided to take online undergrad classes to better my options.
 
Tom

Belinda opened her heart to me that evening. I listened as she narrated her life story. I found all of it interesting and some of it painful especially when she told me about her first date and how it ended.

I wanted to throttle that s.o.b so bad but it got worse when she told me about Ross Burns. She had made a fortune with her bosses and had all the surgeries that had left her happy with her body for the first time in her life.

"I can't explain it Dad. I felt whole like a person for the first time. I was so happy. I wasn't disgusted by how I looked anymore," Belinda said with a sigh.

Hearing about her surgery made me squeamish. I couldn't imagine willingly going under the knife in my groin or my face.

Still I couldn't miss the satisfaction on her face as she explained the joy she felt at having the 'correct' body.

I found myself feeling happy too. How couldn't I be? My child had been carrying a burden that had driven her to her to try and take her life. She had finally overcome that and was overjoyed. I couldn’t help sharing her joy even though a part of me mourned all the things she would never know about manhood, fatherhood and being a husband. I knew it wasn’t fair because I didn’t regret that with Megan but I still felt an acute loss because Bel had been my son and realized that son was gone and my heart ached at his loss.

I would never tell her that though.

"I wanted so bad to get in touch but I convinced myself you would hate me for what I had done. So I stayed in Cali and carried on with life."

"We would have been mad but we'd never hate you," I replied.

Nothing could make me love my children less, nothing.

Bel sighed, "I know that know thanks to Bonnie. I can't imagine hating her," she remarked.

I smiled.

She explained how having achieved her dream everything else soon fell into place. She bought a house and met someone.

A man much to my chagrin but looking at her it made sense. Bel wasn't a man and she assured me she'd had never liked girls romantically. If I accepted her as my daughter I had to know she would like men like Megan.

"I fell in love. Ross was my everything. He made me laugh. He was sweet and sensitive yet strong. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We moved in together and it was wonderful. He made me a woman," said Bel blushing slightly.

Listening to her I realised that I now knew deep down Bel should have been born a girl.

She sounded just like her sister after she met Jack.I can't think of a man who would feel that way about a man. I didn't know any gay men but the vibe she gave out said woman.

"There was a cloud on our relationship from the get go though. He introduced me to his family but I couldn't do the same. I always told him I didn't want to talk about you guys and I think he inferred that you had done something bad to me."

That hurt a lot.

"Was that the time you stopped calling?"

We had lost touch with Des after that. Bel told me she had changed numbers after moving in with Ross so we wouldn't accidentally call him.

She still wrote from a post office box address. She had told us she worked out of network range. Camille had been sick with worry. Megan had lived for those post cards. I wondered what I'd done wrong to drive my kid away every day.

She looked at me apologetically.

"I'm sorry Dad."

There were tears in her eyes.

"I was so stupid," she murmured.

I squeezed her hand.

"None of that now honey bunch," I reassured her.

I was just glad to have her home.

She described her relationship with him.

"I thought he was the one. I fell deeper for him every day and I so wanted to tell him my secret. Everyone who knew said to tell him but I have never been great at sharing my secrets.”

She sighed, sounding like her mother.

“I badly wanted to but I wasn’t prepared to find out his reaction. Things went well for two years and we were happy. One day Ross made dinner and as were eating I found an engagement ring in the dessert. He wanted to marry me,”

“I knew I had to tell him then. So I did. He stood up and left, came home hours later drunk. He wouldn’t talk to me for a week. When he did talk he said he was willing to give it a whirl. I did my best to show him how much I cared but it wasn’t enough because a few weeks later he left me. He said I wasn’t a woman to him anymore,” Bel said fighting back tears.

I reached for her and embraced and she cried onto my shoulder.

“Shh,” I murmured, stroking her hair, “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. He was a fool,” I told her.

“Is that why you don’t want me to date guys? I don’t want to die alone Dad,” Belinda said still sobbing.

My heart broke as I held my beautiful girl. Life was so unfair.

“I want what you and Mom have,” she murmured.

To be continued

Coming Home

©2017

Sydney Moya

Synopsis

A man left his home town years ago as a teenager. Now he returns but is very different from the person who left years ago.

Part 10

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I noticed a new rapport between Dad and Belinda that week. Bel had finally won over Dad, the last holdout in the family. They seemed to get one another better it seemed. I had no idea what had passed between them to make that happen but I was happy for them.

Of course I asked her what had happened. She told me that they had a heart to heart the previous night.

“He wasn’t comfortable with me seeing Javier,” Bel told me.

“Really,” I said surprised a bit. I mean Belinda was 28 and she had a kid.

Then I realized he hadn’t let go of Des.

“Shit,” I murmured.

Bel nodded, “How was he when you first started dating?”

I shook my head, “Very uptight,” I said recalling how much Dad had terrified the first boy I brought home when I was 15.

“He was worried about me dating a guy given my past and I just broke down. We talked and I told him why I am the way I am. I think he gets me now,” Bel remarked, “He wants me to bring Javier over.”

I hugged her, knowing how much this would mean to my sister.

“I am so nervous,” Bel told me.

“I know, you worry they won’t like him but Mom and Dad are cool. All they want is for you to be happy,”

“I know but I’ve never done it before and it’ll just be weird for me,”

“Weird how, I’m sure they want to meet this guy you like so much. The biggest thing is you’re sharing your life with us again and this is a bonus,” I remarked.

Bel nodded.

“I have to tell him before he comes here or it’ll be awkward,”

I didn’t envy her at that moment. I squeezed her hand.

“You’re the strongest person I know sis,” I murmured.

“I wish,” Bel said with a wry smile.

“So how and when will you tell him?”

“Hopefully not in this life,” she joked trying to sound light hearted.

I appreciated her efforts at least she wasn’t letting this get her down.

“Come on. When you tell people what is their general reaction?” I asked my eyes searching her face.

“It depends on who they are. Callie was okay with it from day one. It wasn’t any issue with her at all. She handled it great. Barry and Mark had a few questions about the process but they were respectful. It helped that they had never seen me as boy so that didn’t cloud their perceptions of me.”

She looked quite thoughtful for a bit her face a mask, “Well you know how it turned out with Ross and Spencer. Uncle Tim and Spencer are how I have always feared people would react but Ross’ reaction was the worst. When you love someone they should never look at you like that,” Bel remarked, sounding sad.

She sighed.

“I just have to bite the bullet and get on with it,” she added a bit morosely.

“I’m sorry this is even necessary sis,” I murmured.

Belinda

Callie my best friend back home got a chance to call me for the first time since after I’d arrived here nearly a month ago. We should have got in touch sooner but life got in the way.

Still it was a pleasant surprise to see her picture light up my screen that morning.

“Hi Callie!” I shrieked, overjoyed.

“Bel, what gives? You haven’t called since you reached there. You haven’t been on Facebook or Instagram either doll. You just text,what gives,” she admonished.

“I know, it’s been hectic with my family and everything but it’s great to hear from you,” I apologized.

"I hear you and I shouldn’t be hassling you. You haven’t been home for ten years. I guess you had a lot of catching up to do,” Callie remarked.

“Damn straight,” I told her.

My friend laughed, a sound always made me smile.

“So girlfriend," Callie stated, "how is it? I miss you and Bonbon," she said.

My smile grew wider.

"I know. We miss you too. How are you keeping?"

Callie and I went way back. Back when l was a callow youth fresh off the bus, naive, scared and just beginning my transition, Callie had been a lifesaver helping me get the hang of being a young woman in today’s world.

She was the first person I had trusted with her identity and I had never regretted it.

Callie had clocked me within moments of us meeting at a clinic but it hadn't scared her off. I don’t know why I opened up to her. In fact she had asked a lot of questions but she'd been cool with the idea someone could feel they were supposed to be the opposite sex. She told me I didn't give off the same vibe guys did so she had believed my assertions. I could feel her empathy. Callie had sensed the pain I was in and I felt a kinship with her. It didn’t take much for her to want to help were she could.

It was a friendship built on navigating life in our twenties together helping each other up after falling and enjoying life. I would never forget how she’d helped me in the run up and aftermath of my surgery. I’d been scared to death and she’d come through for me when I had no else to turn to.

I know Callie loved me like her sister. We were pretty close and she had advised me to let my family know who I was from day one. I had refused for years coming up with one excuse after the other until I had Bonnie.

"I'm ok. Rob went to LA. Work sucks and I'm bored to death with you not around. I hadn't realized how much you fill up my calendar," Callie said sighing.

l giggled knowing it was impossible for the force of nature known as Callie Thompson to be bored.

"Yeah right," I said rolling my eyes.

"So give me the lowdown. We haven't talked for a bit. Is your family okay with the new old you? I can't believe they wouldn't be. You're rich, beautiful and have a lovely baby," Callie remarked.

l smiled, my friend had a way of spinning stuff. She made it all seem so simple.

"Why is being rich and beautiful on your list?" I remarked, "You just like me for my money don't you?" I teased

I liked being well off and was happy with my looks but that wasn't the sum total of Belinda Master’s. I was a human being with hopes and dreams like everyone else.

"I am rolling my eyes honey. If you don't like it give me that moola!"

I laughed.

"So what gives?" Callie opined.

"They all love Bonnie and they seem glad I'm back. They don't loathe me and I've hit it off with my sister."

“That’s fantastic. I told you so. What else?’’

I rolled my eyes too and sighed wondering why I could never fool her, “I've met someone too,”

"Oh be still my beating heart!" Callie exclaimed, "Tell me everything," she demanded.

“How did you meet?”

“I went clubbing with Megan,”

“OMG my dancing queen is back! You guys are really living it up aren’t you?” Callie responded to hoots of laughter from me as she recalled the name she’d given me when we started dance lessons all those years ago and I turned out to be a natural.

I told Callie all about my last month. Gosh had it really been that long. It felt like a few days.

I told her about how I'd nearly chickened out when I first arrived. How Mom had chased after me and stopped me from leaving.

How I realized I had missed my family, every single one of them and how much it meant to me that they knew and we were getting to know each other again. My friend was ecstatic.

"I won't say I told you so but no one who raised a girl like you could have a heart of stone," Callie remarked.

After my talk with Dad, things at home settled. That nervousness and discomfort I had felt before was gone. I felt he got me and who I was. I had no doubt he cared and understood in his own way what I had gone through which was fantastic. I was finally his daughter, it made me so happy.

He did ask to meet Javier of course after telling me to be careful with him.

I agreed but thought it best to let him know about my past. Talking to Dad had given me the courage to accept that I couldn’t make everyone accept me but that those who truly loved me would.

So I decided to tell Javier my story the next time I met him. It happened to be a few days after my heart to heart with my dad.

I was nervous maybe because I've always found it hard to let people in and Javier was someone I wanted to let in.

He was smart, funny, irreverent and just got me which tickled me silly.

I intended to introduce him to my parents, which was scary too. Mom and Dad had never met anyone I dated but I had high hopes for them. I know they only wanted the best for me and that they’d like Javier too.

I had to decide if I would tell him before he met them and thinking about soured my mood a bit. Coming out was always hard and in my experience it got harder all the time. I knew it wouldn’t be fair to him to not tell him so he could know what he was getting into.

‘You are a catch!’ Callie had told me one too many times but it never sank in. I was just me, nothing to write home about I kept telling myself. Why would anyone want me especially since I had this huge secret like a black hole that threatened any and all relationships I made.

I looked into the mirror, seeing my reflection. I smiled just a teeny bit. I loved how I looked to be honest. Of course I was a catch and if Javier didn’t like how that came about well it was his loss.

He had called me and asked if we could have a late lunch again.

Would I ever! I had to bring Bonnie too as Mom was at work and she was just about the only person I trusted with my baby around here. Mother’s are a godsend. She’s taught me so much on childcare in the short time I’ve been here. I hadn’t realized how much I have missed her until I got back here.

I dabbed at my eyes as I pulled out of the yard. She’s helped me so much with everything from Bonnie who she loves to bits to just showing how much she loves me no matter how I look.

I never expected this much from her when I came back.

She’s my hero.

Javier was waiting for us at Sherry’s. I can’t believe I am back here especially after teasing Mags and Jack about it but it was Javier’s idea. He told they make great burger's just as Jack said.

“Hey,” he stood as I approached with the stroller.

He gave me peck on the cheek and looked at Bonnie.

“Hi cutie,” he said with a smile, “you must be Bonnie,” he said smiling brightly.

Bonnie smiled back and waved her tiny hands.

I can’t help but giggle. I was scared she wouldn’t like him. Bonnie is a shy girl and doesn’t take to new people easily except with Mum, Dad and Megan for some reason, she adores them. It is important to me that she likes him as she is my number one priority.

I maneuvered her into the booth before seating myself.

“So, how have you been keeping?” Javier asked a smile still on his face.

I took everything I had not to sigh, that grin of his is devastatingly handsome and I can never get enough of it.

“I’ve been great,” I said to him, finding myself smiling back.

“You have a beautiful daughter,” he told me.

“Thank you, she makes my life so much better,” I said, looking at my little darling, “it’s like my life was meaningless without her,” I remarked.

And it was. I thought my surgery would be how I divvied up my life as in before surgery/after surgery but Bonnie changed my world. Don’t get me wrong, in its own right my surgery was a game changer, but Bonnie filled a hole in my heart I never knew existed. After I had her, everything changed. That was when I realized what was truly important in life and it had led to this place.

Javier nodded. I hope he can get what I said and that I am not being sanctimonious but the next one came out of left field. It was a question he didn’t ask when I told him I had a baby.

“Where is her father?”

This is a difficult question and it’s one I am not ready to answer truthfully at least not today even though I had planned to get everything out in the open.

“He isn’t in the picture,” I murmured.

“Oh,” he said, at a loss for words.

I hate the pause in conversation, when I first told him I had a child he hadn’t asked about the father then. Now he wants to know which is okay but and I am acting like he just asked me to pass an act of congress.

‘No I don’t want this,’ I thought.

I feel the need to bridge the silence and give him some idea of what is going on.

“I never met him to be honest so I got a donor because I wanted a child,” I explain hoping he can understand.

He nods, strangely he didn’t look perplexed. I would have given a million bucks to know what was on his mind in the that moment but I don’t want to look needy.

Yay! I guess, I so want this guy to like me and yet why do I feel so rotten inside. I should just come out and tell him the truth instead of obfuscating it.

“I can get that,” he said looking at Bonnie and smiling.

‘I am such a tool,’ I thought.

We ordered and talked about other things. He told me about his current project which was interesting to say the least and I was engrossed. Bonnie was a little angel, she just sat there looking and smiling to herself and didn’t cry.

The best part was near the end when an elderly couple passed by and spotted the three of us.

“You have a lovely family young man,” said the old man.

“Beautiful,” said his missus.

“Mighty fine,” said the old man nodding his head, “I remember when I was your age. You look after them good, boy,” he instructed with the gravitas and dignity only old age can bring.

Javier smiled and shook his hand, “Thank you sir,” was all he said which made my heart soar.

After they left we looked at each and smiled.

“It would be nice to get to that age,” I murmured

“Only with the right person,’ said Javier softly.

He reached across the table and took hold of my hands.

“Belinda, I like you a lot,” he said, his voice sounding nervy for the first time ever.

“I like you too,” I admitted.

“Is there anyone else, back in California?”

I shook my head, “What about you?” I asked.

He shook his head. “No,”

He swallowed, “Will you be my girlfriend?” sounding like a high school kid.

I nodded though I was just as nervous. It's a feeling I imagine schoolgirls know all too well around boys they like.

“There is lots you don’t know about me,” I replied.

“It’s the same with me and we have all the time in the world to get to know each other. So what do you say?”

“Only if you will be my boyfriend,” I heard myself respond.

Javier grinned, before kissing the back of my hand.

As you can guess I didn’t tell him about my past that afternoon but I did manage to give him an invitation to dinner at my parents over the weekend.

I knew I still had to tell him, sooner rather than later but I was happy. I dare anyone to be miserable after spending time with Javier; he is a warm, charitable person and just lifts me. So Bonnie and I went home, where I started that evening’s meal while I danced along to some upbeat tunes on my tablet as Bonnie watched fascinated.

I smile to myself, I’m sure she’ll think I’m a dork one day but that day is far away.

Camille

I having been hoping Tom would sort out his angst about Belinda’s transition and it finally happened this week. I am so happy. I think Tom has been hurting and worrying about why Bel did what she did. Thankfully they have talked it out and well things have changed around here.

Bel isn’t walking on a tightrope around her father anymore. When Tom is around she tended to become more withdrawn and less chatty. I’m sure she thinks I haven’t noticed but I could always tell she wasn’t entirely comfortable around him nor that Tom hasn’t fully opened up.

I knew things had changed when they came down for breakfast and Bel hugged him and he hugged her back. I didn’t have to be told to know something had passed between them.

Of course I am delighted with this. Things have been hard but love has won out in the end. We have our family back, three darling girls and I couldn’t ask for anything more.

I am so happy Bel and I have a great relationship, it’s wonderful to know I have a daughter like her, she’s sweet and loving and we are becoming close. She recently met someone who is very interested in her and the feeling is mutual. I know she is worried about him rejecting her like her last boyfriend did but at least she hasn’t given up on love. No one should ever give up on that especially at her age.

I will never forget her telling me,

“I’m thankful for everything but it just feels like no one will love me for who I am.”

My heart broke at those words. I can’t fathom how hard her life has been because of this. It makes it difficult to connect with others because you always worry that when they find out the journey you took to being the person you are involved a sex change it will put them off.

I found her home with Bonnie when I knocked off from work. She had already started that evening’s meal and was dancing about in the kitchen to some music and singing to Bonnie who watched her looking fascinated.

I smiled, remembering doing the same thing with Bel. The circle of life, Bel blushed on seeing me.

“Oh hi Mom,” she said before turning down the volume.

“Don’t stop on account of me,” I said smiling, “show me some of those moves Megan has been raving about,”

Bel smiled and played ‘All night long’ by Lionel Richie

I laughed and clapped my hands, how could she remember that? I used to dance to that when she was just a baby.

“Come on Mom,” said my daughter as she danced.

She pulled me in and we danced together as we laughed till the song was over. Belinda looked at me with those big baby blues. She smiled and it warmed my soul.

Nothing beats seeing your child happy, it has to be the greatest feeling a parent can get.

To be continued