I looked in the mirror. “You look good!” I said it out loud. I was wearing my mom’s slinky blue dress, her jewelry and her makeup. I was alone; Dad was at work and Mom was shopping. I continued, “God, why didn’t you make me a female?” Actually, I wasn’t far from it; I was short and thin with little body hair. The hair on my head was nice and thick and I kept it long. It was inevitable, however. Soon I would
be developing facial hair, body hair, and my voice would change. It made me sick to think about it.

God didn’t answer, but my best friend did. She had just come in the front door. “Aaron?”

“Back here Lisa…come on back!”

Lisa was my first cousin and my best friend. She was the only one I shared my secret with. A couple of years ago I began to feel I had to share with someone, and Lisa was the only person I trusted. She was supportive and, just as important, kept things between us confidential.

“Lookin’ good babe! Maybe I should let you do my makeup. When are we gonna buy you some of your own clothes. I’m going shopping now, come on!”

“Mom would see it on her bank card and ask me about it. I better change back into my own clothes. I don’t know when Mom might be home.”

“OK. I had to come by because you wouldn’t answer your phone.”

“I guess it’s on silent. I’ll fix that.”

“Please do. At least go shopping with me?

“Nah, I’m just not up to it.”

“A new dress would make you feel better. “I’ll look for one for you.”

“No…don’t!” My tone was not very convincing.

“OK. I promise.”

I knew her well enough to know that her promise could mean she was going to buy me a dress or she was not going to. Secretly, I wished she would, but I was sure if I had some girls’ clothing of my own, my mother would find them no matter where I tried to hide them.
Lisa left and I changed clothes.

I carefully put everything of my mom’s things back like I found them and put on my dreadful boy clothes.

I didn’t have a lot of friends, but I did have Lisa. She had lots of friends, and they seemed happy to accept me as a friend. I learned things they would never tell any other guy. Lisa was great looking, self-confident, and energetic. I never saw a situation that she couldn’t handle. We were good friends, but I secretly envied her. She seemed happy with her life. She always had time for me. Life in general seemed easier for girls. They could be mean, but they were generally nicer than boys. They also had more varied interests. All boys seemed to care about was sex. The girls would talk about one boy or another, but they would have been stunned if they knew the things the boys said about them. I couldn’t bring myself to tell them. Talk about stirring up a hornets nest!

School was tough. Every school day, I was exposed to the repulsive stench and sights of the boys’ locker room. Most of them seemed to be years ahead of me in physical development, with lots of body hair and enormous …um… members? I had little body hair and what you might call a “junior member”. I kept to myself, usually managed to be almost invisible, and get out of the locker room quickly.

Steve, one of the big guys asked me once if I was a “faggot”. I told him, “Actually, I’m not, but don’t you have a steady boyfriend already”? His buddies howled with laughter, and I was seconds away from getting an “ass kickin’”. He approached and I put my hands in front of me and said, “Hey, I’m not judging. Live like you wanna live.” The ass kickin’ was imminent, but Tim, who was even bigger than Steve, said, “Leave him alone”. Steve walked off muttering something about me not being “worth it”.

So, I could handle myself verbally. Physically, it was better to avoid conflict.

When my dad thought I was old enough, he showed me how to start the lawn mower. I didn’t have the strength to start it, so he started it for me. It was self-propelled, and I could manage to mow, but if the mower stopped, he would have to come out and start it again. My dad just said, “When you’re just a little bit older….” I really doubted I would ever be able to start that monster machine. I couldn’t pull the string with both hands. Also, the smell of it was offensive and the noise was scary.

On one of my attempts at lawn mowing, the mower spit out 2 or 3 pieces of a grass snake. I ran into the house, crying. I couldn’t tell my parents I was afraid of a grass snake…a dead one at that, so I told them I fell and hurt my back. Of course, I refused any treatment, and you can’t look at a person’s back and tell whether it hurts or not. I dried my tears like a brave little boy, and my dad finished the yard. I think he saw the dead snake and suspected something, but he said nothing. I didn’t walk in the grass for a long time, but my parents didn’t notice.

That was just one of the times I felt that my dad was disappointed in me. He never acted like it or said anything. I just felt it. He didn’t ask me to mow the lawn again. That was fine with me; I enjoyed helping my mom in the house. I never told my parents about my wish that I had been born a girl, but I didn’t dare verbalize that. I wasn’t sure what my parents would say, but I didn’t have the nerve to find out.

One day, I noticed my nipples were swelling. “Just my luck”, I thought, “how am I going to hide these in the locker room? “ My mom made me an appointment with the family doctor.

“Gynecomastia” was the doctor’s diagnosis. “No big deal; we see it in quite a few boys his age. It won’t last long … a few weeks or so. He’ll be fine. I could give him medication, but I don’t like to do that unless it’s absolutely necessary. I’ll write him a note so he doesn’t have to take P. E. That will protect him from any possible embarrassment.”

Excellent! It was May, and when the next school year started I would be boob-free, taller, heavier and developed in other ways. P.E. was a waste of time for me anyway. I was hopeless at sports. When it came football time in P.E., the other boys all wanted to be some kind of “back”. “I’ll be quarterback.” “I’ll be halfback.” What did it mean? I was clueless. Maybe I was supposed to “one-eighth back.” I knew little about football, but I cared even less, if that was possible. Being excused from P.E. would enable me to go to study hall while the others sweated playing their beloved, stupid game. The small amount of homework the teachers gave could easily be finished there, leaving after school completely free. Now, if my nipples stayed swollen until I graduated in a couple of years, I’d be home free.

Well, my nipples stayed swollen. Not only that, but fatty tissue developed behind them. I was growing real breasts! One day, my mom came into my room right after I took my shirt off. “Aaron, honey, do you want….” The look on her face was priceless. She was speechless.

“Not polite to stare, mom.”

She finally regained her composure. “Honey, you’re going back to the doctor.” She pointed to my chest. “This is not normal.”

“Aw, mom, he said it would go away.”

It was useless to argue with my mom. I heard her in the kitchen talking to my dad. I got an appointment for the next afternoon.

I hated going to the doctor because the wait was long and boring. If you wanted to read, you could get the scoop from the magazine. Well, maybe not exactly the current scoop, but you could be amused by articles such as, “Why Hillary is destined to be President”. I guess that journalist is embarrassed now.

When I finally got in a room, it was another half-hour wait. The doctor came in and had me take off my shirt. He didn’t seem surprised at all to see my healthy boobs. That was a relief, but I suppose he was trained to avoid such reactions. “I’d like to do some bloodwork and some other tests.”

A nurse came into the room and stuck a pencil-sized needle in my arm. I sat perfectly still and stared at the blood flowing into the vial. After a few seconds the nurse said sternly, “Breathe!”

I hate needles.

There were other tests, then we left…still no medication. I headed straight for bed, exhausted from guinea pigging.

Friday of that week school was out for a “Teachers’ Workday”. I was awakened by my cell phone impatiently buzzing about a new text message. Lisa wanted to spend the day together. A lot of people would think it weird that my BF is a girl; but being cousins made it somewhat OK. We had similar feelings on a lot of things and really felt comfortable together.

Things were soon to change, anyway. My dad was getting a promotion at work and we would be moving almost 200 miles. We would still be in Texas, though.

At ‘The Most Important Meal of the Day’ I consumed enough calories to last me a week, then went back to my room to get ready to go to Lisa’s house. Just then, however, my mom knocked on my door. “Honey, please come to the kitchen for a minute. We’d like to talk to you just a little.” What had I done? I searched my brain’s memory banks found nothing punishable. I was rarely punished, because I rarely did anything punishable.

My dad sat at the kitchen table expressionless with his arms folded. I sat at the table across from him. My mom sat down and began, “Honey, when a baby is born, the first thing people notice is the sex of the child. It’s easy to determine, but someone in the room is sure to comment, ‘It’s a girl.’ or ‘It’s a boy’. I say ‘easy to determine’, because it usually is easy. Sometimes, however, it’s not so easy. In cases like that, the ‘diagnosis’ can be incorrect.”
“Mom, you’re not talking about me, right? Are you trying to tell me y’all thought I was a girl?”

“No, honey, we thought you were a boy….”

“But I am a…. Wait … You thought …. OK … this makes no sense at all. You thought I was a boy … I am a boy … so what’s the problem?”
“It’s called ‘anomalous genitalia’. You have two “X” chromosomes and all the internal organs of a female, but as you grew in the womb you developed a small semblance of a penis and testicles.”

“I’m a girl?” My heart was pounding and I felt my face turning red.

“Honey, I know it’s a shock. It’s a life changer. You could try to continue living as a boy, but you would have to have major surgery to remove your reproductive organs, then you would need hormone therapy to cause your body to develop male characteristics. Otherwise your body would continue to develop as a female. The doctor says that medically, the best course of action is to remove the superfluous tissue and allow you to develop as a female. The doctor gave me the name of a counselor. It might help to talk to someone like that.”

“Mom … this is insane!” My mind was racing as I went through the thousands of changes I would have to endure. Clothing was a big one. School? Oh…crap! I just show up in a dress? The scenario was as scary as it was predictable. Dating guys? Nope … can’t do it! Marriage … in a wedding gown … to a guy? Never! Wait … I can get pregnant! I had heard some incredible things before, but I was facing something more unreal than any of them! I felt trapped. There was no escape. The hormones produced in my body would cause people around me to witness as I turned from a boy to a girl.

I heard a voice from somewhere. Oh, it was my mom! “… working in your favor. Your dad’s transfer at work is scheduled for May. You can finish the school year as you are. You can have surgery and take the summer to adapt. In September, you can start fresh in a new town … new school. It will be a big adjustment for your dad and me, also. We have a daughter instead of a son. We have always had a daughter, but we tried to raise you as a boy. Also, you can be a mom, but not a dad...biologically.

Strangely, I wanted to giggle at that moment. I stifled that and looked at my dad. He was still sitting quietly and I turned to him. “Dad … help?”

“Son … uh … daughter …” he smiled, “We got this information yesterday and I was angry and wanted to blame someone. I wasn’t angry about having a daughter instead of a son. I was angry that the doctors misled us, causing you years of pain trying to fit in. I tried in my mind to blame the doctors, your mom, even you. I finally realized that, if it is anyone’s fault, it doesn’t matter. From this point, what you need is support, not accusations or ridicule. I also want you to realize that you are not at fault in any way. I also want you to know that our love for you is unconditional. We want to help you adjust to the changes coming your way. I loved my son from the day he was born, and now I love my daughter from the day she was born … actually the same day. I think we all see things coming into focus now…things that we didn’t even know were out of focus! Can I say now that you weren’t much of a boy…too feminine? I never would have said that before today, but it’s actually a compliment. Any girl would have a hard time trying to fit in as a boy. You probably did better than some. There may be some tough times ahead, but your mom and I will help you any way we can. By the way, you are exempt from lawn mowing effective immediately. I’ll take care of the lawn…and the grass snakes.” He smiled again…a “yes, I knew” smile.

“Thanks, dad.”

Mom spoke again, “Well, we’ve given you a lot to absorb. Take some time to think. We love you and will help you any way we can. You can choose to continue living as a boy, but the doctor strongly discouraged that.”

I went to my room, plopped across the bed, and thought. This was too much. Even though I had thought maybe should have been born a girl, I had never given serious thought to it…never had a reason to. Once the doctor says, “It’s a boy”, your path in life is limited to certain parameters. But now the doctor was saying, in effect, “Oops!”, and I would pay the price for his little oversight. I now had to step over the line and take on a new set of expectations…both of myself and others. I thought about a line from the movie Some Like it Hot, “I tell you… it’s a whole different sex.” With all these thoughts swirling through my brain, I cried. Was I angry? ...happy? ...what? I was confused. I decided to stop my crying and think logically. “Make this a good thing”, I thought. No more mowing the lawn. No more smelly, filthy boy’s locker room. Plus, I won’t have to sneak into my mom’s room and borrow my mom’s clothing. But my wish was to be a girl from the start, not to change in mid-stream. Oh, well…this was good, too. I got off my bed, stood looking in the mirror with my hands on my hips. Aloud, I said, “OK, dummy, you wanted to be a girl, right? Let’s enjoy this.”

Mom tapped lightly on my bedroom door and stuck her head in. “I didn’t want to say this in front of your dad, but now you can get your own dresses and makeup.” She smiled and winked.

“Thanks, mom.”

She knew all along!

Mom mentioned a counselor. I didn’t need a counselor; I needed my very best friend. Lisa’s text was still unanswered, so I typed “OMW” and started out for her house.

Lisa’s mom was gone. The door was unlocked, as usual, and I went in and made my way to her room.

“Hey Aaron … Wow! What’s the matter?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “Nothing … why? Everything is normal….”

“Oh, come on Aaron, you’re all flushed! Your eyes...Have you been crying? Are you OK?”

“I’m not sure. I have the most unbelievable thing to tell you!”

“You definitely have my attention!”

“Lisa, when I share this with you, I’m going to trust that it doesn’t go any farther.”

“You got it! What is it?”

“That answer was too quick. I’ll repeat; when I share this with you, I’m going to trust that it doesn’t go any farther.”

“Wow! OK! I promise. I’ll carry this secret to the grave.”

“OK. After I tell you, I think you’ll understand why discretion is so important. I’ll start like this: Lisa, what if I was a girl?”

“You’re gonna do it!”

“What?”

“A sex change!”

“No. I’m a girl already.”

“Yeah, I know. Your body is male, but inside you’re a female.”

“Well, yes and no! Yes, it was a secret…even from me.”

“Ok, Aaron, you’re killing me!”

“Well, Lisa, it’s kind of like that ... but not the way you think.” I explained “anomalous genitalia”, and told her about my breast growth, etc.

She thought a few seconds, then her eyes lit up. She looked at her cell phone. “Yep, I should have known. Aaron, I’ve always thought your parents were pretty cool, but this really tops it. They had you going … me too for a little bit!”

“Lisa … this is serious! What are you talking about?”

“Think, Aaron. What day is it?”

I had to pull out my cell phone to find the date… “Fri, Apr 01”

My heart sank. “Damn! … I fell for it. Wait, Lisa, I don’t think they would do something like this for April fool’s day!”

“Let’s call and make sure!” She punched some keys on her cell and waited. “Aunt Kim? Nice try, but Aaron and I are on to your little joke!”
She paused and I watched her face as she went from a smile to a serious expression. “Yes, she told me…really?... Seriously!? … Oh, I’m so sorry we…. It doesn’t seem possible. Of course I won’t. My lips are sealed. OK. I apologize, Aunt Kim. Thank you. Bye.”

She disconnected and put the phone down. Her eyes were wide with disbelief.

“I didn’t think so. Now you can see how important it is not to tell anyone. Can you imagine what would happen at school?”
Lisa sat … stunned. It seemed like forever, but finally she spoke, “Oh my God! Yeah, but my lips are sealed. Gonna be tough, but I can do it!”

“Thanks, Lisa.”

“So, Aaron, I’ll bet you’re happy!”

“Lisa, it’s beyond my control anyway, so I’ll treat it as an adventure!”

“You don’t fool me! You’re glad! Wow! I can’t believe this! Don’t take this the wrong way, but it explains a lot. I kind of sensed something. It’s hard to explain. You’re so different from other guys. I guess I should say ‘you’re different from guys’. When you told me the guys might think you were gay because your best friend is a girl, I thought ‘That would be easy to believe.’ Please … no offense intended. A girl pretending to be a boy is a tough sell … almost as tough as the reverse. The times at the mall that I almost suggested we shop for clothes or jewelry. You’re feminine! You’re supposed to be feminine! I can say that now. So, you have two ‘X’ chromosomes? Can I see them?” She smiled. ”Just kidding.”

“OK!” Let me get them.” I reached partially down the front of my pants. “Seriously there’s not a “Y” chromosome in this room right now. From what I’m told I’m just as much girl as you.”

“OK Erin,” she was careful to feminize my name. She fell back on her bed. “This is unbelievable! What are you going to do about school?”

“My dad is getting transferred to Houston in June. I’ll finish this year like nothing happened, and start a new school in September. I’ll have the summer to ‘transition’.”

“No Erin! Don’t go! I don’t wanna lose you now!” She had known about the move for a while, and knew she wouldn’t be able to do anything it, but she was more than just my cousin, she was a real friend and she hated to see me go.

“Lisa, would you come spend the summer with me.”

“Are you kidding?! We are going to have so much fun…and…” she pulled an imaginary zipper across her lips. I knew I could trust her. If she betrayed that trust, the loss of her friendship, not to mention a rift in the family, would be worse than any repercussions at school. “I have to explain to my mom, though. She would never let me go spend the summer with a boy...cousin or not. Oh, Erin, this is going to be so cool!”

“Yeah.” My mind was wandering to visualize how the summer would be. It would be good to have her with me.

She walked toward her closet. “You’re going to have to quit cross dressing. I can’t imagine having to wear boys’ clothing 24/7. Let me get you something cute to wear. OK?”

“Sure!”

“’Sure’? You’re ready to go!”

“I decided to make this something positive. The things you said about me being feminine. Everything falls into place now.”

“Great…you’ll be so cute!” She paused and sat on the bed. “This is unreal! It’s like…you’re a whole different person! Want to know a secret? I kind of thought I might be in love with you! You’re a really wonderful person. Maybe I am in love with you! She smiled and went to her closet and began going through her wardrobe and pulled out a beautiful baby blue top with ruffles around the shoulders and neck. She laid it across her bed and opened a box in the corner marked “Goodwill”. “You’re lucky this stuff hasn’t gone to Goodwill yet. I have a couple of training bras…yes!” She pulled out a bra with almost no cups. “Hope you haven’t developed too much for this.” She found some panties and some jeans to complete the outfit. “Try these on. If you’re shy, go into the bathroom and change. I have some jewelry also. See? You should have gotten your ears pierced!”

“Yeah, but who knew?”

I went into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror until she called out,” What’s the holdup, Aaron…Erin?”

“Ok. I’m changing!” The bra was a pull-on stretch bra, so I didn’t have to struggle with connecting it behind my back, and it fit my developing breasts. It was strange to think that, instead of disappearing, my little boobies would be growing to…who knows how big! The panties easily hid my fake boy parts. The top buttoned opposite from what I was accustomed to, which felt strange. It fit a little tight and bragged, “Look at this waistline and eat your heart out! When I pulled up the jeans, they fit my bottom and legs nice and snug. I looked in the mirror again. I realized that I liked what I saw! I involuntarily said, “You’re really cute!”

“What’s that ... are you done?” Lisa was growing impatient.

“I’m done! Get ready!” I slowly opened the door and half expected to hear Lisa laugh. Instead, her jaw dropped. “Erin, you are beautiful! She reached out and put her hands on my waist and leaned back slightly. “Oh my God, how did I miss this? It’s like I had my eyes closed. Sit down and let me brush your hair.” She brushed my hair while watching my face in the mirror. I could see that she was having a good time. She kept repeating, “Beautiful”.

“Let me get you some shoes and we’ll go show your parents how good you look.”

“Lisa, I don’t….”

“What? It’s not like you’re cross-dressing or something. Actually, you’re not cross-dressing for the just about the first time. What’s the problem with a girl looking like a girl?”

Lisa had impeccable logic. I put on her white sandals and a necklace and we headed toward my (luckily nearby) home.

My dad’s car was gone. Most likely, he was gone to his office. The company seemed to need him 24 hours a day. My mom was fighting with a vacuum cleaner hose. When we walked into the room, she looked up and dropped her work. The vacuum cleaner hose vomited dust onto the carpet. She ignored it and looked me over. “My goodness, we’re progressing quite quickly, aren’t we?”

Lisa took the lead, “What do you think, Aunt Kim?”

“I think she’s beautiful! She has trusted you with this information. You realize the importance of keeping this to yourself?”

“Don’t worry, Aunt Kim.” She repeated her pretend lip zipper.

“You’re going to school like this?”

“No, Mom. I don’t think school is ready for this.”

“I think you’re right.”

“Mom, I want to ask you something.”

“Go ahead, honey.”

“Can Lisa spend the summer with us if it’s OK with her mom?”

“Honey, I don’t…oh.” She put her face in her hands. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. I forgot. This is going to take a lot of getting used to! Of course,
we’d be glad to have her. I’ll talk to her mom. I think Lisa could probably help you a lot.”

“Yeah, Mom, Lisa would be more helpful than a counselor.”

“Aaron, let me look at you.”

Lisa spoke up, “It’s pronounced ‘Erin’, Aunt Kim.”

“’Erin’…yes, that’s nice. Do you like it honey?”

“It’s OK, but I think the most beautiful name on earth is ‘Amie’. It’s French for ‘friend’, so it’s not just beautiful, it has meaning.”

“You want to keep the middle name ‘Taylor’”?

“No, mom, I think I’d like something more feminine. I like granny’s middle name, ‘Abigale’”.

“Wow, good for you! You’ll be a strong woman! I’m not even going to make suggestions, you’re more than capable of coming up with your own name. Everyone should be so lucky. ‘Amie Abigale Brooks’, that’s pretty. I could just kill those people at the hospital. I guess medical school teaches everything except how to tell a boy from a girl! But you look really nice, honey. What’s the plan for today, girls?”

“Well, Erin…Amie is going to need some clothes….” Lisa’s voice trailed off.

“Ah, no problem. You’ll need my debit card and a ride to … where?”

“I thought a resale shop, but not the one just down the street. Maybe one kind of far … you know? We’ll get more ‘bang for the buck at a resale shop.” Lisa was right, and I felt gratitude for her friendship. It suddenly seemed so sad that we would be moving away.

“OK. Let me put this work away. I’ll drop y’all off. I’m sure y’all are capable of handling this. Thank you so much, Lisa, for your help. Feel free to treat yourself if you find something you like.”

“Thanks, Aunt Kim, but it’s Amie’s day. She won’t have a problem finding something that looks good on her.”

Mom hugged me. “My dear Amie, I hope you’re happy. You’re so cute, and I think you should treat this as an adventure. It’s an adventure that is very rare.”

“Thanks, Mom. That’s exactly what I thought!”

Mom shoved the vacuum aside, grabbed her purse and gave me a purse she wasn’t using any more, and we got in the car and headed out for my adventure at the resale shop. It was not really far … just far enough from our part of town to lessen the chance of running into someone we knew. We pulled out in front and Lisa offered to go in first to see whether there was anyone there that we’d rather not see. She went in and, after a couple of minutes she came to the front window of the store and waved for me to come in.

“Bye Mom. Thanks.”

“Bye, Honey. Now … you can buy anything you want except the building.” She smiled.

“OK, Mom. We’ll call.”

She left and I went into the store. Apparently, early afternoon was a slow period for this establishment. There were only 3 other customer. There were two women shopping together and a grungy middle aged guy who probably just went in to escape the Texas heat.

So, we shopped. It goes without saying that this clothes shopping was different from any I had done before. In the past, when my mom would take me shopping and it seemed like they never had my size…or rather my shape. Pants would be too small in the hips and thighs, and too large in the waist. All but the smallest boys’ shirts were too large. Shoes were OK; because they always had plenty room for my tiny feet.
I thought of Copernicus. Strange … right? But, we had just been studying about him. In his time, astronomers thought the sun and other planets revolved around the Earth. So, they made their charts, graphs, etc. to project future locations of the heavenly bodies. When the heavenly bodies refused to cooperate, they revised their figures … only to have those pesky heavenly bodies go astray once more. Well, when Copernicus convinced them that the sun was the center of the solar system, everything worked. This shopping trip was working out because we had corrected one major assumption. Not everything fit, but at least the clothes were shaped right.

When we were done, the basket was so full I was embarrassed. I had jeans, dresses, skirts, and a multitude of sleeveless tops. None of it was the tiniest bit masculine. Lisa said there would be no, “Is that a boy or a girl?” That made me feel better. All the clothes would have to go into the closet until June, though.

Monday had me back at school trying to pretend nothing was different. I imagined kids were looking at me and whispering. I was sure they were saying, “Hey, did you hear, he’s really a girl!”

I was standing at my locker, catching my breath, when Lisa showed up. She made a fist and lightly hit me on the arm. “What’s up, dude?” She
smiled, “or whatever!”
“Lisa … hush!”

“Oh, Aar…Amie. Nobody heard me. Are you paranoid?”

“I just feel like everybody’s staring at me!”

“Hey! That hurts my feelings!”

“Why?”

“If they’re staring, they know somethings different. If that’s the case, it means I told somebody. I hope you trust me more than that!”

“I don’t think you would tell anybody.”

“Well, don’t worry. Nobody is going to know anything … unless you pull those 2 ‘X’ chromosomes out of your pants. She looked down toward my pants and smiled.”

“Sorry, Lisa. I’m just being silly. I’ll be so glad when June gets here.”

“I talked to my mom about the summer. She was surprised! Can you imagine that? She’s going to talk to your mom. So you’ll be glad when June gets here? You’re really looking forward to this!”

“Yes, I am. Now that I know what I am, I feel like a lot of things will fall into place for me.”

“I think you’re right. Welcome to the other side.”

My paranoia dissipated somewhat. I realized that no one knew anything about my news, and I made a conscious effort to ignore them when they seemed to be watching me or whispering about me. I had to ignore them if I was going to make it to June. But if and when I did make it to June, I had another problem...dating. Maybe I knew too much about the way guys were, but I couldn’t see having a relationship with a guy. The idea of kissing a guy made me shudder. I would date Lisa, but society wouldn’t be happy with that. I had never seen her date anyone, but it never occurred to me to wonder why. I decided to put the dating issue from my mind indefinitely.

My hair was longer than it had ever been. In June, I would get it styled. No one said anything, but I usually got stares about my long hair. That was the least of my concerns.

The months of April and May were the longest I had ever endured. My dad actually began his new job in the second week of May. He had leased a house (with an option to buy) and my mom and I were just waiting for the end of school to make the move. The movers moved everything except some essentials we had set aside. May 31 was the last day of school. We were dismissed at noon, and Mom, Lisa and I headed out for Houston.

The sun was at our backs as we headed east that evening. On the radio, The Eagles’ “Take it to the Limit” played. The words “all alone at the end of the evening” always made me sad. I thought of Glenn Frey, who had died not too long before. It seemed to always be that way: when I’m sad, my mind wanders to things that make me sadder. I was leaving everything familiar behind. A new, bigger house brought me no relief. A new school brought only anxiety. I sat with my face to the car window. My only comfort at the moment was being with Mom and Lisa. Neither of them knew I was on the verge of tears. I hoped I would be ready when it came time for Lisa to leave me in September. I doubted it.

We got into Houston early in the afternoon, but it looked like the rush hour was already underway. Luckily we were going into town and most of the traffic was headed out. After exiting the freeway and making numerous twists and turns, we were home. We pulled into the driveway that must have been a quarter of a mile long. The house was a great distance from the road and huge oak trees shaded the massive yard.
I was incredulous, “Mom, are you sure this is it?”

“Yes, honey. Your dad said it was big, but I’m a little surprised myself!”

The house was huge. Behind the main house was another residence that was larger than most people could ever hope to live in. My mom explained that the house was very old and the extra house once served as the servants’ quarters.

“Well, “Lisa spoke up from the back seat, “I think I know how to do servant work.”

Mom had stopped the car. Before she got out, she turned around to look at Lisa. “You and your mom would both be welcome Lisa, but I’m sure your mom would be hesitant to move.”

“It’s not like she’s tied down by her job. She works online, you know.”

Mom looked puzzled. “She does that full time now?”

“Yes, ma’am … She was doing so well with her online business that she quit her job with the law firm.”

“She’s really lucky, “my mom said thoughtfully.
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We climbed the stairs of the high porch, and Mom punched in a code and pushed on the giant door and pushed. The door opened smoothly without a sound. The living room was as large as a small gymnasium. There was no carpet, and echoes answered our every footstep and every syllable we uttered.

“Can we get carpet, mom?”

“I’m thinking more along the lines of large rugs. I hate to completely cover this beautiful wood flooring. Go upstairs and pick a bedroom, honey.”
Lisa and I headed up to the second floor; we were surprised to find that the stairs continued to a third floor. “Dad must be doing OK at work”, I told her. Everything was oversized. The stairs were about eight feet wide, the ceilings were … way up there. I found my room. It, too, was oversized. I turned to Lisa. “You gotta come to stay.”

“Hey … I’m ready. Once my mom sees this, she will be also!”

“Lisa, this house is too big for three people, and then there’s a separate house in the back! It would just be a sin if y’all don’t come and live here!”

I opened the closet and found dozens of outfits … girls’ outfits, of course. Mom must have sent them by dad when he moved.
“Change clothes, Amie. We’ll burn those boy clothes!”

She was serious. She picked out panties, a bra, and a dress for me. “Why a dress? You’re wearing jeans.”

“Have to get you accustomed to your new gender.” She handed me a pair of pumps.

“Why the heels?”

“So you can learn how to walk in them. By the way, they’re not technically ‘heels’”.

I put on the dress and shoes, stood up, and started walking. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.

“Keep your feet horizontal. Point your toes when you take a step. Relax your hips put the palms of your hands forward. This will make it almost impossible to walk like a boy.”

She was right. I was walking like a girl naturally.

“Most importantly, don’t be self-conscious. People will never think you’re a boy, but be able to see your self-consciousness and wonder why. As your hips develop, your walk will become even more natural.”

My mom poked her head in the door, “I’m going to take a shower. You girls look around if you want to. Oh, that’s cute, Amie.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I turned to Lisa, “Let’s explore!”

As we headed down the stairs we heard a car door close. Lisa peeked through the shades. “It’s your dad.”

“Oh, no, He’s never seen me like this!”

“So what? He’ll get used to it.”

We stood in the living room. My dad didn’t see us at first. Finally, he looked up. “Oh, hi girls. Glad y’all finally got here.” He hugged Lisa and kissed me on the cheek. “Where’s your mom?”

“She’s taking a shower. Dad?”

“What!”

“You didn’t say anything about my clothes.”

He smiled. “You’re very pretty uh…Amie. I didn’t want to make you self-conscious. He hugged me again. “You’re my beautiful daughter.”

Suddenly, I burst into tears!

My dad frowned. “What is it? You’re acting like a girl…oh, yeah! He smiled again. It’s OK, honey. I’m sure it’s stressful.” My dad held me as I sobbed. I couldn’t explain it. It was so good to see my dad after 2 weeks, but I was exhausted from the trip. The clothes were symbolic in a way. I was a boy for almost 14 years, but I had just taken off the last boy clothing I would ever wear. I had left my home behind, but I was happy. I had a beautiful new home, a new life, and three people who loved me and supported me in a trying time.

I finally stopped crying. “I’m OK, dad. We’re going to explore the house, OK?”

“Sure Amie … Lisa … have fun!”

We ran back upstairs to explore. “One thing, Amie…when a guy hugs you, put your arms around his neck. It’s more natural it makes your bodies fit together. Now, that rule is for if your hugging someone that you actually want to hug. If it’s some asshole just wants a hug to cop a feel, put your arms around his chest or waist and keep a distance between your bodies. He’ll get the message.”

“There seems to be a lot to learn.”

“A lot of it will come naturally. Also, watch your posture. You’re proud to be a woman! You’re not some wimpy little girl waiting for Prince Charming!”

“You’re right about that! I’m not waiting for Prince Charming.”

“Great. You don’t have to, but someday you just might find a guy worthy of you.”

“Problem is…I won’t be attracted to him.”

“Stranger things have happened!”

“Yeah, in fairy tales!”

We continued our tour and found a swimming pool with a clear covering surrounded by an 8 foot privacy fence between the main house and the “servants’ quarters”. It seemed to be in good shape, but filthy. I told Lisa, “Oh, dear, my dad has got to get someone to get this in working order like…yesterday. We also have to get bikinis!”

“Why”? responded Lisa, “This is so private it could be clothing optional.”

“Well, maybe after my little operation.”

As we walked the halls and peered into various rooms, I told Lisa, “I’ve made up my mind. You and your mom have got to come live here. You can live in the main house, or the other house. It doesn’t matter. I need you here!”

“Done, well…almost done. We just have to tell my mom our plans for her. She can’t stand against the two of us when we set our minds toward a goal. She has no reason to stay in crappy Austin, anyway!”

Mom’s voice came from downstairs, “Girls, clean up and let’s go out to eat. Put on something nice. It’s a ritzy place.”

“Acid test!” said Lisa, “you have to eat like a girl!”

I looked at her…mouth opened. “It’s different?”

“Not that much. Just eat a little neater, slower and mind your manners.”

We headed toward my bedroom to clean up.

When we got into my room, Lisa stripped down. She seemed totally unaware of my staring.

“Guests shower first. Pick out something really cute, OK?” She stopped. “What?”

I couldn’t help staring at her body. “Lisa, I’ve never seen anything so beautiful!”

“Aaron … Amie! I barely have boobs. I have a ways to go!”

“You’re off to a good start!”

““Thank you. You’re off to a good start to lesbian…hood? ism? Whatever! That’s cool. Boys are overrated! Of course, I wouldn’t have told you that a year ago. Look, stand here.” She placed me in front of the mirror and stood next to me. We were both in just bra and panties. Look at our bodies. We’re cookie cutter twins.”

She was right. Our bodies were very similar. “You’re right! I don’t take it back. You’re beautiful! But, what you said about boys….”

“They’re OK, but they’re not all that. Sometimes they’re more trouble than they’re worth.”

“Are you a les….?” I let my voice trail off.

“Who knows? Your house is not the only thing I’ve been exploring.”

“Cool. Too bad we’re cousins.”

“I was thinking the same thing, but that would just be gross…somehow. Let me shower now. We’ll shower separately…this time. She winked.”
After seeing Lisa nude, I knew there would be no boys for me. I had seen enough naked boys for a lifetime. I couldn’t stop thinking about how
beautiful Lisa was. I lay across the bed listening to the water running. I thought to myself, “Maybe I’ll meet a nice girl.”

She came out of the shower and I started in. “I’ll set you out some clothes.” This meant, “You’ll wear what I tell you to wear”. I didn’t mind. She had very good taste.

When I stepped out of the shower she had a beautiful dress and some heels set out for me. “You did OK with the pumps. I don’t think you’ll have a problem with heels.”

She was dressed similarly so I wouldn’t be self-conscious. She brushed my hair and put some clips in it. She made up my face a little. When she was done, a beautiful teenaged girl who I barely recognized looked back at me from the mirror.

We finished cleaning up and got into the car with my parents.

We pulled up at the restaurant and a valet took our car. Once inside, I looked at the menus. There were a lot of choices, but one thing was missing. “Dad, there are no prices on the menu.”

My dad smiled. If you have to ask the price, you can’t afford it.

“…and we can?”

“We’re doing OK.” He smiled and winked at my mom.

Lisa spoke up. “Wow. Y’all are rich! Can I be rich, Uncle Dave?”

He looked at Lisa. “Lisa, you and your mom are family. If we’re doing OK…y’all are doing OK.”

That’s my dad! He had always been kind and generous. Apparently he now had the means to be very generous.

“Dad, I know you must have gotten a gigantic raise to move us into River Oaks. Can you give me a hint how you pulled it off?”

“Oh, a little invention of mine helped.”

“Can you tell us about it?”

“Sure!” He took out a pencil and notepad and drew a circle. “I call it a ‘wheel’. It’s circular in shape…”

“Aw, dad … seriously!”

He put away the pencil and pad. “OK, it’s a procedure I came up with that will greatly speed up the process of mapping the human genome.”

Lisa’s eyes widened, “Wow! You’re working with genes?”

I was amazed myself, “So, you patented this…procedure?”

“No, the patent is in the company’s name.”

“WHAT?”, Lisa and I said in unison.

“Oh, yes. It’s a requirement of employment. Things like this stay with the company. You see, I developed it on company time with company
equipment. I could hardly do it at home. I don’t have a few necessary tools, you know, I don’t have an electron microscope…stuff like that.”

“Wow, that’s too bad. You could’ve been a bgzillionaire!” I could almost see dollar signs in Lisa’s eyes.

“No. There’s no way I could have gotten the patent on my own. The company would have sued me, they would have won. I would be looking for a job and a way to pay a “bgzillion” dollar settlement. Besides, I did sign an employment contract. I want my word to be worth something. Let me tell you, though, the company was not shy about financially rewarding me. Hence, the move to company headquarters, the huge raise, and the resulting move to River Oaks in our beautiful old new house. I’m now working in one of the most advanced, well equipped labs anywhere in the world. This is actually better than hiring a large team of lawyers to get my own patent, hiring someone to market the procedure, hiring more lawyers to sue when someone ignores the patent. All these headaches belong to the company. You might say I belong to the company, but I didn’t come cheap. I hope to be with this company until they wheel me out in a wheelchair…or a coffin.”

Words could not express how proud I was of my dad!

Mom apparently didn’t like the idea of him working ‘forever’. “Davey, you could retire in 10 years easily.”

“I guess you’re right. I have a nice porch. I just need a rocking chair. Let’s not worry about this tonight. I think that waiter coming has our food.”

Our food arrived, and I bit into the biggest, most tender steak I had ever eaten. “Dad, I could get used to this!”

“Go ahead, honey! I am so blessed! Aside from the job stuff, I have a brand new daughter. Incidentally, my new daughter is a beauty.”

“Thanks, dad. If I’m ever as pretty as Lisa, I will be thrilled!”

Lisa spoke up. “I was just thinking, ‘I’ll bet I’m the second prettiest girl in our new school...oops!” She put her hand to her mouth.

“Well,” said Dad as he looked at my mom. “This is news! So when is my beloved sister-in-law moving?”

“It’s news to me too!” my mom said. “Have you spoken to her?”

“No,” said Lisa matter-of-factly, “it will be news to her, too.”

“Dad…mom”, I interjected, “it would be so much help to me to have Lisa here. She been a girl for a while, you know.”

Dad smiled. “Kim, I’ll leave it to you and Shelly to work that out. You know, your sister is more than welcome, and I’m sure she would be a great help to Aaron…excuse me…Amie.”

“Thanks, dad.”

“You know, Aaron…Amie, I’ve never been an outdoorsman or sportsman. I worried that you were missing out on a lot of the things that other boys do with their dads. All that seems so unimportant now.”

“Dad, I never liked a lot of that stuff, anyway. The only sport I ever liked is volleyball, and most people seem to think it’s OK for girls to play volleyball.”

“Honey, you can play any sport you want. Just as importantly, you can ignore any sport you don’t want to play. Here’s one more thing…I’ll never ask you to mow the lawn again. Actually, I won’t have to mow it, either. I don’t have the time or the mower. It’s going to take a crew to mow our new lawn.”

“Thanks again, dad. You probably would have been embarrassed if you had tried to get me to play a lot of those sports. Have you seen me
throw a ball?”

“Actually, Amie, I’ve seen you throw a ball. I thought, ‘He throws like a girl! ‘. Of course I never would have said that then. I guess it’s OK now. You seem perfectly happy with this change.” He smiled.

Lisa spoke up, “Even I throw a ball better than her. A boy throwing like she throws would be downright embarrassing!”
“Hey…shut up!” I said smiling.

My mom glanced at my dad and said, “One nice thing about being a girl is, if you need a ball thrown, you can get a guy to throw it for you.
Pretty girls like y’all will have guys standing in line to do your ball-throwing for you.”

“Ewww…mom! I’ll just let the ball stay where it is!”

“Yes, I guess it is a bit much to ask you to suddenly stop looking at girls and say, “Oh, look…don’t you think he’s cute?”

“Yes, mom. It’s gross!”

“Well, honey, it OK. You like whomever you like.”

“Yeah, “my dad interjected, “I like girls…women!”

“…and I’m glad of it,” my mom said, acting relieved. “Just don’t like them too much.”

“I like you best!” He kissed my mom on the cheek.

“Y’all get a room! I can handle this dress, the heels, the makeup, the hair, and everything that goes with it, but y’all are about to embarrass me!”

“You’re lucky”, said Lisa. “My parents would be going to fist city by now!”

“I’m sorry, dear.” My mom reached out and touched Lisa’s hand. “No word from your dad?”

“No.” Lisa looked sad. “I didn’t like the fights, but sometimes I miss him, you know?”

“It’s natural, honey. I’m so sorry. It hurts me to see what you and my sister have gone through. I wish there was an answer.”

My dad had lost his smile. “I know it’s natural for a girl to miss her dad, but I don’t think Joe deserves you or your mom. Look at how he treated
y’all! I hate to see you pining for him. Even though he’s your dad, Lisa, I think he should stay gone. Coming back now would only open old wounds, and he wouldn’t stay long. You can count on that. We love you and your mom and, the more I think about it, the more I would like to see y’all move down here with us.”

Lisa smiled. “You mean ‘up’”?

“What?”

“Houston is farther north than San Antonio.”

My dad shook his head and smiled. “Nitpicker!”

By this time, we had all eaten all we could. There was enough food left for another family.

My dad was practical. “I can’t let this go to waste. I don’t care what they think. I’m getting a doggie bag.”

My stomach told me I would never be hungry again, but my mind knew better. The remaining two thirds of the steak would be delicious tomorrow.

We brazenly filled our doggie bags and left. Even if you have money, there’s no need to waste it. We headed home…too full to talk.

The house was dark when we got there, but the motion sensors clicked outdoor lights to life and, created near daylight when we pulled into the driveway. Walking up to the front door activated more lights. Not that there was any danger, we were in the safest neighborhood in Houston, with the possible exception of the “gated” communities which, to me seemed like visiting a prison. The police patrolled the area, alert for any rare case of burglars or prowlers. Some of Houston’s oldest and richest families lived in this area, and the police knew that keeping them safe and happy would make life better, not only for the citizens, but for the police department as well as the rest of the city government.

We were all exhausted, and went straight to bed. I thought Lisa and I would talk, but the next thing I knew the sun was streaming in through the drapes. I went to the window and looked at the neighborhood. It was the cleanest, most beautiful residential I had ever seen. Most of the properties had huge oak trees like ours. A woman walked by with her poodle. She eyed our house like she was curious about the new neighbors. I thought she saw me, so I quickly stepped away from the window.

“What’s the matter?” Lisa’s voice came from behind me.

“Nothing…just don’t want to expose myself. Good morning.” It was only 6 AM, but we were both morning people.

I walked over to the bed to kiss her on the cheek. Instead, she put her hands on both sides of my face and placed a kiss right on my lips.

“Easy, cousin, we don’t want to end up on Jerry Springer!” She was beautiful, but I didn’t want to get into anything kinky.
“Kissin’ cousins! Nothing wrong with that!”

“Yeah…as long as it doesn’t go to far.”

“I know…I know! What’s the plan for today?”

“Dunno. The world’s our ostrich!”

“Oyster!” Lisa

“I know, Lisa, just trying to get under your skin.”

“Just don’t try to get under my clothes.”

“Speaking of which, you packed a lot of clothes for this visit. How about you just set your suitcase in the closet? I have enough clothes for 3 or 4 girls.”

“Sounds like a plan!”

“Good! Now..shopping?”

Lisa smiled. “But you just said you…never mind. Shopping…you talked me into it. But we can’t go to the resale shop, now that we live in River Oaks.”

“Silly…no one’s gonna know where we live…unless you go around telling people, ‘Guess what…l live in River Oaks’. By the way…you don’t live in River Oaks…at least, not yet!”

“It’s practically a done deal. My mom will have no excuses. I need to call her.” She grabbed her cell phone and went into the rest room.
After about 5 minutes, the toilet flushed and Lisa came out of the bathroom. “You’re gonna have to get your mom to call my mom. Guess that makes sense. I can hardly invite us to come live with y’all.”

“Still a done deal. My mom will call, ‘Hey, you and Lisa come to Houston and live with us. You will? Cool! Bye!’”

“My sweet little cousin! You’re naïve, but I love you. It’s not that simple with adults. Your mom and dad will practically have to beg my mom to come. If our mom’s weren’t sisters, it would never happen, but we’re lucky in that sense”.

“Ok. I’ll talk to my mom today.”

“Changing the subject…Amie?”

“Uh oh, this sounds serious!”

“I’ve been kinda considering going to medical school.” It sounded more like a question.

“That’s good. You’re smart enough!”

“Yeah, I would like to be able to tell the other doctors that I’ve seen something they’ve probably never seen, and probably never will see.”
“Huh. What’s that?”

Lisa said nothing. She smiled and looked down at the front of my pants.

I knew what she meant, but I bent over a little and pulled up her chin so I was looking directly into her face. “Lisa, look at me! What is it you want to see?”

She smiled. “Oh, you know, your ‘anthropological generals!’”

“Lisa…seriously? You want to go to medical school, and you can’t even say ‘anomalous genitalia’?”

“I could, but I didn’t want to. I don’t like the sound of it.”

“You don’t even like the sound of it, but you want to see it?”

“Yes…l do! Lay across the bed and cover your eyes!”

“Lie!”

“What did I lie about?”

“Dammit, Lisa; you know what I’m talking about. It’s ‘Lie across the bed.’”

“I know it, but that sounds weird. Just do it.”

“But, you don’t .…”

“Please do this for your favorite cousin.”

“Jaqueline? She’s not even.….”

“Oh, come on, Amie. Don’t make me beg!”

I lay, face up, on the bed and closed my eyes.

“Don’t look!”

“Why not? I’ve seen!”

“I don’t know. Just keep your eyes closed.”

I covered my eyes with my hands. “OK. Have at it!”

I felt her lift my nightgown and lay it up near my chest. I shivered. “It’s kind of cold.”

“Won’t be long.”

I felt her pull my panties down. I hear her catch her breath. “Oh…wow.”

After a few seconds, I felt her pull up my panties and pull down my nightgown.

I uncovered and opened my eyes. “Well,” I asked, “what’s the prognosis? Will the patient live?” I tried to sound anxious.

“She will live a long, healthy life. We just gotta remove one teeny tiny bit of superfluous tissue.”

“Wow, you sure got educated quickly!”

“On the job training is the best way to learn.”

“What do you think?”

“I think any boy with a penis like that would be embarrassed to take off his shorts.”

“You’re right about that. And any girl would want to be rid of it!”

“The doctor had to do x-rays, sonograms, and blood tests?”

“Something like that.”

Maybe he needs to go back to med school.” Lisa

“Well, I hope not to have that ‘superfluous tissue’ much longer.”

“This reminds me of a joke!”

“Of course!”

“OK…this preacher’s wife went into the hospital to have a baby. There was an old woman from the church who kept pestering the doctor. ‘Is she OK? Is she in labor?’…all kinds of questions that the doctor wouldn’t answer because it was none of the old woman’s business. Well, when the baby was born, the doctor stepped out of the delivery room and there was the old lady. ‘Were there any problems? Is the baby OK’” The doctor shook his head and looked sad. The old woman gasped, ‘what!?’ The doctor replied, ‘The child was born without a penis!’ The old woman gasped again, but the doctor continued, ‘…but I’m sure she’ll have a good place to put one in about 20 years or so!’”

“Funny.”
“OK. I thought it was a good joke. Thing is, you’ll have a good place in like 7 or 8 years.”

“It might be a good place, but no penis is going there! There’s been one there long enough!”

“Don’t you believe in trying anything once? Don’t knock it until you try it?”

“I refuse to live my life by quotes from Pinterest!”

“Well, one of these days you’ll get that ‘empty’ feeling….”

“Shut up! Gross!”

“OK. Cool…just keep your options open.”

“Yeah, I will,” I said without unconvincingly.

On cue, my mom opened the door. “Girls? You’re not even dressed! What are y’all going to do with your first day of vacation?”

“Shopping?” I questioned.

“OK. We’re not far from the Galleria. I can drop y’all.”

“I thought maybe the resale shop? Just ‘cause daddy has money doesn’t mean we should waste it!”

“Wow. How mature! Well, get on the web and search for resale shops in zip code 77019. The rich people around have must have somewhere they get rid of clothes they’ve worn once.”

“We’ll be ready in 10 minutes! Oh, Aunt Kim, would you call my mom. I think she wants to come live with us.” Lisa volunteered.

Mom smiled. Yeah, OK, I’ll give her a call.”

We got dressed. We both had to wear dresses per Lisa’s orders. They were short dresses with spaghetti straps. Just about the minimum to be decent. We stepped out the front door and Lisa gasped, “Oh, my God!”

“What is it, Lisa?” I couldn’t imagine what could be wrong.

“The heat…the humidity!” Lisa

“Well maybe it’ll cool off.” At the time, I couldn’t imagine how wrong I was. Houston summers were merciless. Lisa and I got into the car with a map from MapQuest and the air conditioner turned on “Max Cool”.

“Mom, it’s really hot. I think I need a haircut!”

“When you were a boy, you never wanted a haircut!”

Lisa spoke up from the back seat, “You know what’s weird? He had long hair…her hair is kinda short.”

“You’re right. It depends on how you perceive a person. We’ll get your hair cut and styled, honey…something cool and easy to manage. I’ll find someone and make an appointment while y’all shop. Lisa, what about you?”

“OK. I could use a haircut.”

“Cool! I pulled on my dress, trying to make it longer.”

“Kinda short, huh? I misguessed how tall you are when I bought it.”

“It’s OK. At least my butt will be cool.”

“Don’t talk like that. You sound like a boy.”

“Ewww! Sorry, mom.”

We drove through the tree shaded roads of River Oaks. Most of the houses were about the size of apartment complexes. Gradually, the mansions began to give way to just large houses, then average sized houses. We also began to see a few service stations and other businesses. We were out of River Oaks.

Lisa shopped for herself some, but she seemed to enjoy picking out stuff for me a lot more. During the whole shopping trip, maybe two things didn’t fit. She was also determined that I admit I was having fun. I had to admit it. I was having a ball! I felt a little sorry for boys, with the dull clothing they had to wear. Once, I was in the dressing room trying on a white dress with flowers and hearts for decorations. It was very short, of course, since Lisa had picked it out. I looked into the mirror admiring myself. I promised my reflection, “I would NEVER go back!”

“What’s that?” Lisa was just outside the door.

“I SAID I WOULD NEVER GO BACK!” I didn’t care who heard.

“Now, Amie, you know the doctors are not through with your analysis. You have to go back or they’re gonna send the guys with white coats and butterfly nets!”

I opened the door a little and poked my head out, “Lisa, you’re a nut!”

She just smiled. “Come on out, lemme see that dress on you.”

I stepped out the door; put my left hand on my hip and my right hand behind my neck, “I think we should all just learn to get along. My greatest wish is for world peace. Also, I would like a bowl of ice cream.”

Lisa just rolled her eyes. “Each thing you try on makes you look better than the last, beautiful cousin.”

“Why, thank you! What can I say? It’s my designer genes.”

“Wait, I misspoke. I meant ‘Each thing you try on makes you look better than the next.’”

I thought a second, “Hey, shut up!”

I wasn’t long until we had a basket overflowing. “Lisa, don’t you think this is enough for today?”

Lisa ignored my question. “See that guy in the blue smock? He works here. He has a dressing room key, and he’s been going around opening the dressing rooms that when a woman goes in. He’s acting like he’s checking the rooms for left-behind clothing. He gets him a good look, then says, ‘Oh, excuse me’, and closes the door. Watch, I’m gonna get a dress and make sure he sees me go into one of the rooms. I’ll show you what I mean.” She grabbed one of the dresses I had already tried on and disappeared into the dressing room. I wandered a little ways away and pretended to be shopping. I watched Mr. Blue Smock as he meandered toward the dressing rooms. He went straight to the room where Lisa was and opened the door for a look.

I’ve seen funnier things, but I have to say, Lisa knows how to put on a show. She was clad in only a bra, panties and shoes and she let out a piercing scream that made me jump. Then, I saw the reason she hadn’t taken off her shoes. Mr. Blue Smock tried to close the door, but Lisa had her foot in the door and kept screaming, “Get out of here!!! What’s the matter with you?!! Help!!!” She apparently didn’t care who saw her in her underwear, and she had the attention of everyone in the store. Employees in the mysterious “Employees Only” section came rushing out. Several employees, including the manager, “Michelle R.”, rushed over to the disturbance. He would push on the door, and when he would quit pushing she would actually push it open some, then let him push it back against her foot. This actually made it look like he was trying to open the door. Finally, Lisa allowed the door to close. Mr. Blue Smock seemed unable to move. His face was beet red and he looked like he desperately wanted to disappear. Lisa could be heard in the dressing room, sobbing. I stood with my hands on my hips, enjoying the show. Smock began trying to convince the manager that he was just “checking for left behind clothes or hangers”. She pointed toward the back of the store and Mr. Smock hurried that direction.

Then, the manager rapped lightly on the door and inquired, “Ma’am, are you OK?”

Lisa answered that she was OK, with a sniff and a hint of “distress” in her voice. The manager and Mr. Smock headed for “Employees Only”. I thought to myself, “After this he won’t be going back there, if he can come in the store at all!”

Most of the excitement was over and people began to gradually go back to shopping. I knocked on the door, “OK, Lisa, show’s over.”

“I’m just so…embarrassed,” she sobbed.

“Well, not as embarrassed as the pervert.”

The manager came back. “Is she OK?”

“Yes, ma’am, she’ll be fine. She’s a bit of a drama queen. She’s not much to look at, anyway.”

She looked surprised and she left, probably to go beat the hell out of Mr. Smock.

“Lisa, everyone is gone. You can dry up and come out.”

“Thanks a lot! ‘Not much to look at’, huh? ‘Drama queen’?”

“Yeah, well, it was a good show.”

“Hey! I’m upset. If I had known, I would have worn my pretty underwear with hearts and….”

“Come on, Lisa, let’s check out. I feel like everyone is still looking at me. I think they’re waiting to see the little hellcat.”

Lisa stepped out of the dressing room. “Should I bow or curtsy?”

“Neither! Remember drama class? It will make it impossible for them to ‘suspend their disbelief’! You have to keep up the ruse, now.”
“Amie, they have no disbelief to suspend. They’re all full of sympathy for a poor little girl whose privacy was invaded by a pervert.”
“OK, bask it in while we check out. I’ll call my mom.”

Miss Michelle met us at the checkout. She asked if we wanted to call the police. We assured her that we were fine and didn’t need police. She quietly told the cashier to just bag up our purchases … no charge.

Lisa had completely recovered from her “trauma”. Wow, thank you!”

“OK. Y’all have a good day.”

My mom arrived to find us outside the store with a basket piled high with mostly bags of clothing. Right away, she wanted to know the cost.
“It was free, mom.”

“No…seriously. I just want to know if my bank account is in the hole.”

“It didn’t cost anything, Aunt Kim.”

We had to explain the scene to my mom. She was amused, but she kind of felt sorry for Mr. Smock. She also felt bad about accepting free clothes from a charity, and vowed to make a big donation. My mom is too tender hearted.

“We’ll always call him ‘Mr. Smock.” Lisa made a “Star Trek” salute. “To seek out and explore ladies dressing rooms.”

“Until you run into Lisa,” I had to add.

We headed home to begin the task of sorting, washing, folding and hanging the vast amount of clothing we had been rewarded for Lisa’s acting job. I have to admit, I felt sorry for Mr. Smock, but I soon got over it.

On the way home, Lisa said, “Wow, if today is any indication we’re gonna have a fun summer!”

“That was fun?” my mom inquired.

“Yes, ma’am, it was fun. I’m reconsidering medical school. Acting pays pretty good.”

Mom shook her head.

Lisa and I “worked” on sorting clothes. Mostly, we modeled for each other and took pictures with our digital cameras. Even though Lisa was my cousin, she was so beautiful it was hard not to stare. Finally, she said, “What?” I hadn’t realized how intently I had been watching her. I told her the truth, “Lisa, you’re just beautiful.”

“You’re not gonna get kicked out of bed yourself, cousin.”

“Well if it’s a guy, it’ll be me doing the kicking.”

“I think you’ll change your attitude”.

“We should bet on that. Got a million dollars?”

“Not at the moment.”

“Neither do I, but I would be winning a bet on that. Anyway, I have to have a small operation before I can even consider that. Otherwise, any guy expecting to party with me will find himself at a surprise party.”

“As I said, someday you’ll get that empty feeling.”

“You know, a penis might not be so bad, but it’s attached to a big, hairy, sweaty, smelly … guy, who thinks you want his tongue in your mouth.”

“Some guys are not big, hairy sweaty or smelly.”

“’Guy’ is bad enough. I just don’t that on top of me.”

Lisa gave up, “OK. You win. We’ll both be lesbians until … and unless someone comes along to change things.”

“You were not very hard to convince.”

“Yeah, it’s almost like …. Skip it, put on this skirt and top.”

“Gee, that skirt must be six inches long!”

“It’s eighteen inches. What … you wanna be a nun?”

“You want me to show off my ‘autonomous gentlemen’?”

“You mean your ‘agronomous gesticulations’? They won’t show. They’re just little biddy fell fellas.”

“Is ‘little biddy’ a medical term?”, I asked as I squeezed into the top and skirt. “Why did we buy this anyway?”

“I got it for when we go streetwalking.”

“That’s all it’s good for, so we can donate it right back.”

“Amie, it looks so good on you!”

“Maybe so, but I’m not gonna wear it outside.”

“You know…it’s only noon; we have a lot of day left. Also it’s the first day of summer; we have a lot of summer left; what’s next?”

“Don’t you think it’s time for pizza?”

“Oh, yeah, what do you like?”

“I like just about anything but pepperoni or anchovies. I like jalapenos, but they make my nose run.”

“I’ll bet for a long time, you’ve been wondering why everything you ate went to your hips. Now you know, and it’s ok. You’re developing one fine body. You’re doing pretty good up top, too.”

“Yeah, but it feels weird.”

“Just because you’re body is changing. You’ll get used to it.”

Just then, Mom rapped on the door.

“Come in”.

She opened the door and poked her head in. “I’ve got a doctor’s phone number. Monday, I’m going to schedule you an appointment for minor surgery. Are you ready for that?”

“I’m more than ready, mom”.

“That’s good to hear. I’ll also see about getting something done with your hair.”

“Can she get her ears pierced, Aunt Kim?”

Mom turned to me, “Amie?”

“Sure, Mom”.

“We’re moving right along, aren’t we?”

Lisa spoke up, “Aunt Kim, I think the sooner the better.”

“I think so, too. School will be here before you know it. By the way, girls, you can stop sorting clothes. Take them to the laundry room. I want to wash them all.”

“Good! Uh, Mom?”

“Yes, Aaron…Amie?”

“Where’s the laundry room?”

She hit her forehead with the palm of her hand. “It’s on the first floor. Go to the back through the kitchen.”

“Thanks, Mom. We’ll get these clothes down there.”

“Actually,” she continued as she walked into the bathroom and opened a small door, “this is a laundry chute. Put the clothes in here and they’ll drop right down to the laundry room.”

“Wow, what will they think of next?”

“Lisa, I think this invention is over a hundred years old. I’m not sure why you don’t see it much anymore.”

“Thanks, we’ll have the clothes there before you can get there.”

Mom rolled her eyes. “Thanks a lot! I want to look through them anyway. I want to make sure they’re appropriate.”

“Honest, Mom, we didn’t buy any boys’ clothes!”

“That’s not what I was concerned about.”

“I know, Mom.”

“Monday, I also need to see about hiring some household help. Bye now, girls.”

My mom left and we stuffed all the clothes down the chute. All, that is, except Lisa’s “streetwalking” outfit, which went in the trash. The clothes seemed to have multiplied, and it made me wonder how much they would have cost if we had paid for them.

We got out our laptops and called my dad to get a network password. We both got on the web and checked email, then idly surfed the web
until it got dark outside.

We agreed that our first day of vacation was a success.

Sunday was a lazy day. We spent some time exploring the “servants quarters”. The place was separate from the main house, and was more spacious and luxurious than most homes. We turned on the air conditioning to get rid of the stale smell. Lisa claimed a bedroom. If her and her mom decided to move in, I didn’t see any reason they shouldn’t stay in the main house. It could house 10 to 15 comfortably. Lisa claimed the room “just in case”.

Later that day, we found that Aunt Kim, after receiving a call from my mom, had “tentative” plans to move Lisa and herself to Houston. My dad had also said that he thought we should both go to a private school. He was researching several schools in Houston, and said he would foot the bill for both of us. He asked my mom not to share that information with my aunt, however, because he thought if might make her feel she was a burden and discourage her from moving.

So, Sunday was restful after an exciting Saturday. Mom didn’t rest, however; she spent the day washing, drying, folding and hanging the clothes we had bought…or had been “donated”. She only left it to us to bring the clothes to my room. We discovered that, amazingly, gravity only works in one direction, so two lazy rich girls had to carry all the clothes up the stairs. We didn’t complain, but I hoped my mom would be hiring a maid soon. I think she found everything acceptable, but she may have trashed some without us knowing.

There’s not much more to say about Sunday. We went to bed early. Three or four trips upstairs carrying clothes tires a girl out.

Monday was more active. Lisa and I both got haircuts at “Nancy’s”. We both got what mom called “pixie cuts”, and I got my ears pierced, after which I looked into the mirror and said, “No going back now”. Nancy looked puzzled, but I didn’t care; let her wonder. Lisa and I looked even more alike, but she was more beautiful than ever. I told her I was going to call her “BC”, for “Beautiful Cousin”. She said she would do likewise.
I thought for a second. “Lisa, I’m kinda glad you’re not my sister.”

“Amie!...Why”

“We would be calling each other “BS”.

“Silly girl!”

My mom said, “Both my girls are beautiful.” Then, she looked at Lisa and said, “I know you’re not mine, but I love you like a daughter, and I appreciate you helping Amie.”

“No problem, Mom Two.”

We got our nails done with the brightest red polish available. When we finished, we stepped out of Nancy’s and my mom asked me, “Amie, how do you feel?”

“With my hands…sorry. I’m OK, mom, why?”

“I mean, are you happy about the way things turned out…about changing…you know….”

“Oh! Mom, I’m perfectly happy…ecstatic!”

Mom thought I was overdoing it. “Really?”

“Really, mom. There was always something wrong, you know? I didn’t understand or care about most of the stuff that guys enjoy. I didn’t know why.” I was looking at my reflection in Nancy’s window. The studs in my ears shinned brightly. “A lot of stuff has fallen into place now. Plus, I think I’m almost as cute as Lisa…almost.”

“Please, Amie, don’t be too obsessed with looks. There are more important things. I want you to be kind and caring.”

“OK, mom.”

Lisa had to comment, “Really, Aunt Kim, Amie is kind. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her say a bad thing about anyone.”

“That’s good to hear.”

Lisa continued, “But he was a real S.O.B.!”

“Lisa! You’re kidding!”

“No, I’m not kidding, I’m lying, Aunt Kim. Sometimes I start lying when I get hungry.”

“Ah, so that’s it! Well, what would you girls like?”

After some discussion, we found ourselves in a Chinese buffet. Two teen aged boys at another table were giving us the eye. We timed our trips to the buffet table to avoid them, and made a point of not looking their way.

When we sat down, my mom informed us that she had made me an appointment with a surgeon for Friday to see if he would do my surgery. She asked me how I felt about it.

“Gee, mom, I don’t know….”

“Having second thoughts?”

“No, I’m just wondering why we have to wait until Friday.”

Mom smiled. “I’m sorry. It was the first appointment I could get.”

“OK. I guess I can wait another 3 or 4 days.”

We finished our meal and left the buffet. I was glad to leave and be away from the boys who couldn’t seem to look at anything but us.
We went back to the mansion and filled the rest of the day surfing the web, reading, etc.

Friday was my appointment with the doctor. I can’t describe the stress of lying with my legs spread and my feet in stirrups while a total stranger examined my crotch. It was a little comfort that the doctor was a female. She examined my genitalia, fondled them and photographed them. She assured us that the surgery would be minor, but would require an overnight hospital stay. She said she preferred that I talk to a counselor, but my mom and I convinced her that it was unnecessary. I was surprised and happy when the surgery was scheduled for only a week from that day.

The surgery was uneventful. I remember them putting a mask over my mouth and nose. A few seconds later a nurse was asking what my name was. I thought, “You have me on an operating table and you don’t even know my name?” I told her my name and asked if they were going to do the surgery.

The nurse said matter-of-factly, “Oh, it’s done.”

I opened my eyes wider and looked around. I was in the recovery room. What I gauged as a “few seconds” had actually been more than an hour. Much of my lower body was numb. I was desperately thirsty, so my mom brought a coke with a flexible straw. It was the best drink I had ever
tasted.

There’s not much more to say about the surgery. I went home the next morning with a catheter still in. Lisa took it out after a couple of days with my mom’s supervision. I was now a girl without excess body parts. It really felt strange when I felt down there. It felt like a huge gap. It was good to put on my clothes without having to tuck in excess parts. For a while, I made it a point to wear tight pants or shorts to emphasize that I was finally all girl.

The rest of the summer was probably the best time of my life (up to that point). We met a girl next door also named “Amie”, and a girl across the street name “Jamie”. Amie’s dad was a doctor and Jamie’s mom was an attorney. Her mom was engaged and, even though her parents were divorced, Jamie’s dad also lived there in a separate part of the house. The girls were a few years older than us, and both were headed for Rice University at the end of the summer. Still, they accepted our invitations to come to the pool with us. They were both very mature and extremely intelligent, but still a lot of fun.

Once, my mom came out to the pool and asked me to come inside a minute to see something. She gave me an envelope to open. In it, was my birth certificate. The name on it was “Amie Abigale Brooks, and for “sex” it said “Female”. I hugged my mom and said, “Now it’s totally official and legal, thanks, mom.”

“You’re welcome, honey.” Now, go have fun with your friends.”

Back at the pool, no one asked me what it was about. They had too much class to pry.
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Fast forward to the morning of the first day of school. Lisa is still with us, and her mom is arranging to move also. What to wear for the first day of school? Let’s see…oh!, the school uniform! Nothing exciting about the uniform, but I still thought I looked really good. Everything had to be perfect; first impressions can’t be re-done. I had begun my life traveling the opposite side of the gender line than the one on which I started. I was happy with the way things turned out, and was looking forward to the challenges to come. I wondered how different private school was going to be, but I was ready to handle whatever came my way. I would enjoy the positive and endure the negative.

I thought about how the choices I had for my future. Would I marry? If so, would my spouse be male or female? Would I ever be attracted to any male? Would I bear children? For now, I was glad I could just think about these choices. Decisions would not be required for a long time. I thought about a song I had heard. Whoever wrote the line “I’ve looked at life from both sides now” had nothing on me. I had insight into the male psyche that few, if any, other females could match. I was examining the female perspective now. Exploring both “sides” was a rare opportunity, and I was ready for it.

Yes, there will be more changes, challenges, trials and tribulations; hopefully, not as drastic as those in the past. I guess I will end this narrative for now because I expect my life to be pretty routine from here. If things become exciting, suspenseful, or in any way interesting, I’ll be back.

Love, Amie Abigale Brooks

I met Amie in 10th grade. She was beautiful. She was tall with brown hair and big brown eyes…and smart. She was in all advanced classes, like me. I was short, skinny and my looks were only average. Also, I was still prepubescent. So I had no reason to think she would have much to do with me. But, thanks to detention one Thursday, we became friends.

She was there ahead of me, so I walked in and sat across the table from her. I couldn’t help but notice her earrings.
So, I spoke up. “Nice earrings”.

“Yeah,” She said, “want to borrow them sometime.

She saw the hurt in my eyes.

“Oh, no!” She quickly said, “I didn’t mean to be rude. It’s just that so many boys in school wear earrings these days. You’re cute, too. I think these earrings would look nice on you. You don’t have pierced ears, do you?”

“No”, My face was bright red by now.

“Your hair is long. A little styling….” She stopped and thought. “Yes”.

“Yes…what?”

“Sit at the table Monday with my friends and me. OK?”

“Sure," I said with possibly a little too much enthusiasm.

“Would you like to come by my house and hang out when we get out of here?”

“OK”.

Amie lived in a mansion. Her dad was a surgeon and made more money than just about anyone else in town. I couldn’t believe I was actually going to go in it.

But, detention ended and we headed to her dad’s mansion.

We got there and went in a side door. Amie’s lived in a separate part of the house that was as big as my whole house. In addition to her bedroom, she had her own bath, dressing room, and kitchen. Her walk-in closet was twice the size of my bedroom.

She flopped across the bed and turned on the TV. “Relax”, she said. “Want a movie?”

We watched a movie, ordered pizza, and talked. We talked about likes, dislikes, family, friends, school. I’m not much of a talker, but talking with her was easy. We found we had so much in common. I was finally able to relax a little despite her awesome beauty.

It got late and I got ready to leave. She said, “There’s only 2 weeks of school left. What are you doing for the summer?”

“Not going to school,” summed up my summer agenda.

“I’m going to my parents’ camp at Surfside Beach for the summer. They said I could bring one friend. Would you be that friend?”

I was stunned. “I’m sure they meant a girlfriend…right?”

“Probably, but let me handle that. Don’t tell me you have to ask your parents. Just say, ‘yes’.”

“Yes.” Who could turn down an offer like that?

“Cool. Don’t pack anything. I will provide everything. Scratch that…my parents will provide everything.”

“Come back by my house on Saturday.” she added, “We have some planning to do.”

I stepped out of her house and headed down the sidewalk toward home. A light rain had started. The cool mist felt good after a day of Texas heat. My mind kept going over the events of the day. I kept picturing Amie in my mind. I thought, “When God made her, He must have said, ‘I’ll see just how beautiful a girl I can make.’”

I got home and decided to lay across the bed just a little before showering. I closed my eyes, smiled, and though about Amie.

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I opened my eyes to bright daylight. A bird was outside raising a fuss about some personal issue. Did I dream last night? No. It happened. I visited with the most beautiful girl in the world at her home. I looked the clock. Nine o’clock. No sense rushing to school now. I might make it in time for second period. Maybe not, but Amie was in my third period class. I had to be there by then. I got up and looked into the mirror. I was a mess.

I dressed and headed out. The world seemed brighter. The grass greener…the sky bluer. “Amie and Jamie”. Poetic.

I arrived at third period early and waited, watching the door. Amie was one of the first to come in. She seemed to have a brighter smile. She also seemed more beautiful…if that were possible. She waved “hello” to me and took her seat across the room. It was all I could do to look at the teacher and think about what he was saying.

Having Amie for a friend was life changing for me. I was “in”. She introduced me to the cool kids with the implication that I was no longer a “nobody”. These kids talked about summer plans that I could only have dreamed of before. Of course, now I had better plans than any of them. I would be with Amie.

Saturday came and I headed back to the mansion. I knocked on Amie’s door and she yelled for me to come in.

She invited me to sit at the dressing table. She stood behind me and started brushing my hair. After a moment, she spoke, “Jamie, you were right about my parents expecting me to bring a girlfriend to camp with me. You are going to be that girl.”

I looked at her in the mirror and said, “What? That’s impossible!”

“No,” she said, “you are almost exactly the same height and weight as I am. Your hair is long and beautiful, and your face is really not very masculine. We can pull it off…and it will be fun!”

I smiled. I would do anything to spend the summer with Amie. “Ok. How?”

"Go into the bathroom and put on the clothes I left on the chair."

In the bathroom, I found a red lace tank top, white shorts, a bra and a panty girdle. I put them on and reluctantly stepped out of the bathroom.
She smiled. “You look great! Sit down and let me do your makeup.” First she plucked my eyebrows. She started applying makeup and it looked awful. But, as she worked, my boy face went away and a very pretty feminine face took its place.
When she finished, she gave me some white sandals and said, “Put these on. My parents are home and I told them they were going to meet the girl who is going to camp with me.”

We went through the door that led from Amie’s section of the house to the main living quarters. The ceilings were very high and everything looked expensive, but not gaudy. Her dad was on the computer and her mom was thumbing through a magazine. They both looked up at us.
“Mom and Dad,” she began, “this is Jamie. I’ve invited her to spend the summer with me at camp.”

They expressed their extreme pleasure at meeting me and I did the best I could to hide my self-consciousness. I was extremely relieved when they dismissed us.

“See?” she said when we got back to her room. “You make a great girl!”

I stood in front of a full-length mirror and turned side to side. “Yeah. I do!” Maybe this won’t be too bad.

“Jamie. I think you were meant to be a girl. You’re just so pretty! We’re going to have a ball this summer. You might not want to go back to being a boy! Now take off your makeup, go home, and be sure to tell your mom about your summer plans. Oh. I almost forgot one thing. She opened a drawer and pulled out a box and two medicine bottles. I want you to wear this patch on your abdomen. Change patches twice a week. Take one of these pills a day, and one of these a day. Don’t tell anyone about them.”

“What are they?” I asked.

They’re harmless meds. They will help you pull off the girl thing much easier.

I shrugged my shoulders. “OK”. What harm could a little patch and a couple of pills do? I went ahead and put on the patch and took one of each pill. I guess I expected to feel something, but I didn’t. I headed home to tell my mom. She wouldn’t mind. She worked all the time anyway, and we rarely saw each other. I left her a note saying I was invited to a friend’s camp for the summer, omitting the fact that my friend was a girl. I told her I would be going straight there right after the last day of school and that I hoped I got to see before then.

The last class, the last day of school finally came. Amie and I walked to her house together. “In the morning,” she said, “we have hair appointments. We’ll both get pixie haircuts, and we’ll get your ears pierced.” This was really happening. I felt excited. Why was I excited? I’m not supposed to enjoy dressing in girls’ clothing. Then I told myself I was just doing it to be with Amie. That satisfied the part of myself that was having doubts about the whole situation.

In her room, she had us both packed, but just had to take out and show me some of the things she had for me to wear. We ordered pizza and watched a movie. Then, we showered and put on nighties…she had me one of those too…and she painted my fingers and toes bright red to match the color she had on. I kept noticing that she only had one king sized bed in her room. “Amie”, I finally asked, “where do I sleep?”

“Well, Jamie,” she said matter-of-factly, “with me in my bed, girl.”

I thought to myself that Amie must really think I’m a girl now. It was beginning to get easy to get confused.

We got into bed and she said, “Let’s snuggle”. She kissed my cheek and said, “I love you, Jamie”.

“Amie, I love you, too…very much!”

She kissed my cheek again and snuggled up with her arm across my chest. I was in heaven.

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I was vaguely aware that it was daylight and someone was moving about the room. Where was I? Oh! Amie’s room! Great! What a day today would be!

“Put on the shorts and top I set out for you. Our hair appointments are at 9 am.”

She was already dressed and ready. She applied my makeup and brushed my hair and we headed out.

She led me down a hall and we came to a door which opened into a garage. There were half dozen cars there. She walked to a Corvette nearby, turned back to me and said, “Let’s go!”

“This is yours? You have a license? Why don’t you drive it to school?”

“I don’t want anybody to mess with it. A while back vandals damaged a lot of cars in the school lot. This baby was right here and didn’t have to go through that. My dad got me a license. He knows a lot of people.”

She clicked a remote and the garage door started opening. She started the Vette and it seemed incredibly loud in the confines of the garage. She drove out into the driveway and it didn’t seem so bad.

When we got onto the street, I began to feel very self-conscious about the clothes I was wearing. Amie looked at me and said, “Jamie. Why are you slumping? No one is going to say anything. No one will even recognize you. We’ll be at Nancy’s salon in just a little.”

She pulled into a small parking lot. I decided to just stand up straight and forget I was a boy. We walked into the salon and bells on the door tingled. Nancy was the only one there. “Hello, Amie.” She said in a Vietnamese accent, “this your friend”?

“Yes, Nancy, this is Jamie. We want matching pixie haircuts.”

“She look a lot like you. You sure she not your sister?”

“Oh, I’m very sure of that!” I made a face at Amie where Nancy couldn’t see. Amie smiled and blew me a kiss.

Nancy was now busy arranging her supplies. “Jamie, you go first?” I sat in the chair ready to accept my fate. She got her ear piercing gun. “Two?” Before I could answer, Amie answered, “Yes”. So, she pierced both ears two times. I had seen that Amie’s ears were pierced twice, so I assumed I was to be a carbon copy. Then, Nancy washed, dried, buzzed, clipped, sprayed, combed, and brushed. I couldn’t see anything that was going on. When she finished, she finally turned me to a mirror. The transformation was incredible. I actually looked a little like Amie! What I did not look like at all…was a boy! I got out of the chair stunned.

Amie had a big smile. “Jamie, you look wonderful”. She hugged me, then she got into the chair. After Nancy worked her magic, Amie’s hair looked exactly like mine. I thought to myself that we looked like sisters. As if she read my mind, Amie said, “We’ll be sisters this summer.”

We got back in the Vette and headed to the house to load the car. The suitcases overloaded the Vette and had to be tied down. With that done, we started out on the long trip to her parents’ cabin on the lake. I thought of Thelma and Louise.

I pulled down the visor and started admiring myself in the mirror. Amie saw me out of the corner of her eye, and said, “Yeah. You’re beautiful, girl.”

“Amie. You still remember that I’m a boy, don’t you?”

“WHAT?” She said feigning shock. “You’re kidding, right! Tell me you’re kidding! I can’t take a boy to…tell me you’re kidding!”

“OK! Amie, I was kidding.”

“Whew! Jamie, don’t ever scare me like that again. Look. My hands are shaking.” She held out her right hand. It did, indeed, seem to be trembling.

“Amie. I’m sorry. I won’t joke like that again.”

“Thank you! Ug!" She stuck her finger in her mouth as if trying to cause herself to vomit.

We drove in silence. I went to sleep and dreamed I was flying. I could see tiny houses below me I would flap my arms and go faster. I headed down and the houses…

“Jamie!”

“What happened?”

“We’re here.”

The “cabin” was approximately the size of my house. It was high up on piers and it was right on the water’s edge”. There were other cabins, none as large or as close to the water as Amie’s. There were several boats tied up on a dock right next to Amie’s cabin.

“Whose boats”. I asked.

“Ours.” She said nonchalantly.

We went in. The air conditioning had the place very cold. “The caretaker has the utilities on. I told him to make the A/C very cold. We can cut it back now. I just don’t like to be hot.”

Amie started opening another suitcase. Let’s go swimming. Holding up a black and pink girls’ swimsuit, she said, "I have you this one piece. Wear the little panty girdle under it to keep everything flat down there."

Ah! She hadn’t forgotten I was a boy. What a faker! But, who cares? I’m here with Amie and we have all summer to…whatever!

We dove into the water. It was warm and clear. After a few minutes, we heard a voice, “Like your hair!” It was a girl at the next cabin. She was taller than both Amie and me, and her hair was very short.

“Hey, Leslie!” Amie called out. “Cmon in!”

“Nah. Not right now. Ya’ll come over when ya’ll get out.”
“OK!” said Amie.

We finally got out of the water, showered, and got dressed. I had so many clothes I didn’t know what to wear. Finally, Amie picked out a some shorts and a ruffled tank top for me. We started out for next door.

Leslie was three inches taller than me and Amie. When we went in, Leslie put one hand behind Amie’s neck, pulled her closer and kissed her on the lips. Amie resisted only slightly. “Very close friends”. I thought.

“Ok,” said Leslie, “this has got to be your sister.”

“Yes,” said Amie, “I finally got her to come to camp.”

“Great!” said Leslie.

“Now…Leslie….!”

“I just meant it’s great that you have a sister as beautiful as you.”

“OK.” Amie said, sounding relieved.

I knew there was more to that conversation than I could understand, but I marked it off to a private joke between them.

“Ya’ll gonna be here all summer?” Leslie inquired.

“Yes,” said Amie, “unless we get bored.”

“If you get bored, go shopping,” Replied Leslie, “There’s a new outlet mall about 10 miles down the highway.”

“Really? We’ll have to check it out. Jamie needs clothes.”

“Oh, really?” Leslie was leery. “You never wanted for clothes.”

“Jamie didn’t pack very much. On purpose, I think.”

I stuck my tongue out at Amie. She reciprocated.

“Well,” said Amie, “we’re going to go watch a movie. You wanna come, Leslie.”

“Nah, my dad will be here soon and he wants me to go fishing with him.”

“Oh, yuk!” Amie made a face.

“Hey, it’s kinda fun!” replied Leslie.

We headed back to the big cabin and plopped down in front of a huge television to watch. She picked out “Oscar”, with Sylvester Stallone. It was a confusing, but very funny movie. We headed for bed and Amie snuggled up. She reached her arm around my chest. “You’ve been taking your pills. I can tell.”

“Yes,” I said, “and the patch.

She snuggled closer. “Goodnight, Jamie.”
“Goodnight, Amie.”

I lay awake in the dark wondering how she knew I was actually taking the pills she gave me. Was it something I said or did? The pills were to help me pull off the girl thing easier. What did that mean? I decided to ask her the next day.

I awoke to the smell of bacon. “Wake up, sleepy girl!” Jamie called from the kitchen. She had me a plate of bacon, eggs, and toast. I thought it was the best breakfast I had ever eaten.

“Wow, Amie, you sure can cook!” I exclaimed.

“It’s just bacon and eggs.” She looked at my ear. “Are you turning your earrings?”

“About a thousand times a day.”

“That’s OK. I know they say wear those for 2 weeks, but I we’ll get you some hoops you can wear today. It won’t hurt anything.”

“Amie?” I asked
.
“Yes?”

“How did you know I was taking the pills you gave me? What are they?”

“OK, Jamie. The truth is the purple pills and the patches are hormones. The other pills are androgen suppressants. They will all work together to give your body a more feminine shape and suppress your development as a male. When we met, I sensed that you’re not really happy being a boy. This summer will give you a chance to see how the “other half” lives. Not many guys get a chance like this. I thought you would enjoy it but, if not, you can discontinue the medication.”

“That still doesn’t tell me how you knew I was taking the pills”.

“When I put my arm around your chest last night, I could feel that you are already developing “breast buds”. The nipples get larger just before breasts start developing. Your body likes the hormones and responds to them quickly.”

This was a lot to take in. “Amie, I think I need to lay down. I feel really tired all of a sudden.”

“Yeah, hormones can do some strange things. I’ll come lay down with you.”

It was not even noon when we got into the bed, but when I work up it was almost dark. I got up and went into the kitchen to find Amie at the table. She had a sandwich fixed for me.

“We slept a long time”, she said, “I just got up”.

“I’m still sleepy”, I said.

“Well, there’s no rule about sleep here. Eat your sandwich and we can go back to bed. We need to change into our nighties, though.”
We changed and got back into bed and snuggled. She patted my soon to be forming breast. Amie’s body felt so warm and nice next to mine. I felt relaxed and peaceful. I drifted off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

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I woke up and Amie was still asleep, lying on her side facing me. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes and smiled. “Hello, girlfriend,” were the first words out of her mouth. “What shall we do today?”

“I don’t know. I’m kinda bored out here in the woods. How about you?”

“You took the words out of my mouth. To the outlet mall it is.”

We headed to the outlet mall…fast. Amie seemed to always drive fast.

We got there as the stores were opening. After a quick lesson in how to walk, we headed for Claire’s. Amie said I needed a collection of earrings, so I got a healthy collection of hoops, studs, and just about every other kind of earring I could think of. We both took a stud out of each ear and replaced them with hoops.

We went to Victoria’s Secret for underwear, then to another store for dresses, tops, shorts, shoes, etc. I now actually had more girls’ clothing than boys’.

When we had all the purchases we could carry, we left the mall and went to eat. Amie knew a good seafood restaurant nearby where the shrimp and lobster were “superb”. We went in and ordered, and Amie tutored me in dining like a girl. I realized there was more to being a girl than just changing clothes.

I had gradually come to the realization that Amie wanted me for a friend, but not for a boyfriend. She now didn’t even think of me as a boy. It didn’t matter to me. I liked the feel of my new clothes. We hadn’t been out together in public much, but I liked the looks we got. I liked being a girl!

We left the restaurant heading for the cabin. After a period of silence I turned to Amie and said, “Amie, I don’t want to pry, but what’s your relationship with Leslie?”

She smiled. “You picked up on that. Guess that wasn’t too hard. Well, last summer, we got to be really close. Her parents were getting divorced, and she came to me for help. All I could do was listen, but sometimes that’s what a person needs…someone to listen. Well, in all my listening, we…. How do I say this? We were lovers?”

“That’s cool”, I said.

“I’m glad you think that’s cool, because I’ve decided I’m not into boys at all. I guess that makes me a lesbian. When the summer ended, Leslie and I agreed that our relationship would end. It seems like she would like to take up where we left off, but she lives about 300 miles from us. The only time we see each other is during the summer. We can’t have a real relationship. Jamie, do you find boys attractive?”

“Are you kidding…yuk!”

“That's what I thought.”

The rest of the summer was all I thought it would be and more. We did pretty much anything that struck our fancy. We ate, slept, watched movies, got on the internet whenever we pleased. Then, I began to watch the calendar. I knew the end of this was near, and school would mean I had to be a boy again. At least, that’s what I thought. The resourceful Amie had other plans.

“All good things must come to an end.” I guess that’s a cliché, but it fit my situation. Summer vacation was soon to be ending. With that, I assumed that my life as a girl was also drawing to a close. The happy days and cozy nights became almost overshadowed by the dread of what was to follow at home.

One morning, Amie was up early and waiting for me. “Jamie, I have something to tell you.”

The words filled me with dread. Amie could tell. “No, Jamie, it’s not something bad. I think you’ll like it. For the rest of high school, my parents are sending me to a private school. I would like for you to go to the same school. It’s for super smart kids, and you qualify. I called my dad a couple of weeks and told him the whole story, and asked if thought he could get you in. He said he could, but we have to ask your mom. If your mom is OK with your new ‘form’, you won’t have to go back to being a boy. Your mom can afford this school. She’s an attorney, right?”

“Yes.”

“Good! She can also handle the legal part of this, and my dad said he would take you as a patient to and prescribe your hormones. He was very unhappy with me about giving them to you, but he doesn’t stay mad at me for long.”

Again, Amie had overloaded me with information. “Amie. I can tell you, my mom’s going to flip. She’s going to be mad.”

“Jamie, when you were born who named you?”

“My mom named me. My dad was drunk”

“Your name is ‘Jamie Lynn’. That’s kind of unusual for a boy, don’t you think?”

“People have said stuff like that,” I admitted. ”The kids at school made fun a little.”

“Is it possible,” Amie continued, “that your mom really wanted a girl?”

I thought a little. “Well, sometimes she says something like, ‘if you had been a girl’…”

“Yes. What did you think that meant?”

“It used to hurt my feelings a little. After a while, I got used to it.”

“Jamie, we’re going to go home and present the new Jamie to your mom and see what she thinks.”

“No, Amie. You don’t understand…”

“I think I understand better than you do. We’re going home today. If you wish, we’ll stop and buy you some boy clothes. Is that what you want?”

That was unthinkable. “No, Amie. I just need some time to get used to the idea.”

“Ok. We need to leave after breakfast. You’ll have plenty of time on the road.”

I sat stunned while she fixed breakfast. I went over in my head a dozen scenarios of what would happen…my mom in a rage…my mom ordering Amie out of the house and calling her dad and giving him a tongue lashing. None of the scenarios were any fun, to say the least.

Amie set out a short yellow dress and some black sandals for me to wear. We had breakfast, loaded up the Corvette, and set out for home. I wasn’t feeling any better about the situation. I thought about something I read somewhere, “This will not end well.” Still, Amie was very forceful, and she was actually offering me something I really wanted. I thought of something I heard someone say, “One hundred years from now, nobody will know the difference.” That made me feel a little better. Meanwhile, the Corvette quickly clicked off the miles between camp and home.

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We pulled into town and Amie finally spoke. “Jamie, it’s Sunday. Do you think your mom is home?”

“Possibly, it’s the only day she gets any time off.”

“To your house, then.”

When we turned on my street, I was relieved to see that my mom’s car was not there.

Amie seemed disappointed. “Well,” she said, “let’s unload your clothes.”

“But, Amie, if my mom gets mad…”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

We had taken one load in when a car pulled up. My heart sunk. I ran to the window. It was mom! “Amie, my mom is here!”

“Don’t panic, Jamie. I’ll talk to her first. When I call you, you come in there.”

We heard my mom come in the front door. Amie headed out of my room to meet my mom. I went and put my ear to the door. I heard my mom call out. “Jamie, are you home…Oh...hello”.

I heard Amie begin. “Hello, Mrs. Simms. I’m Amie. Jamie spent the summer with me at my parents’ camp.”

“I thought…”

“It would be with a boy? Well, Mrs. Simms, it ok under the circumstances. I’ll show you why.” Then, louder, she called out, “Jamie, come on!”

My heart was pounding and my face was burning. I pulled on the hem of my dress to try to make it longer, walked into the living room, stopped, and closed my eyes to wait. No explosions. I opened my eyes. My mom was standing with her mouth wide opened. Finally, I got up a little courage. “Hi, Mom,” I finally managed to say weakly.

Her look of shock turned to a smile. “Jamie! You’re beautiful! Come here.” I ran to her and she hugged me like she had never hugged me before. I heard Amie say, “Yes!”

Finally, she pulled away and held my upper arms and said, “Let me look at you! Oh, Jamie, I can’t believe it! Do you want to be a girl?”

“I’ve been a girl all summer and I like it,” I said. I was brave now.

She turned to Amie. “You did this? How did you know?”

“Know what?” Amie questioned.

“I wanted a girl when Jamie was born. But I loved him just as much as I would have loved him if he had been a girl. If he wants to be a girl, I’m just fine with that. So, how did you know?”

Well, “, said Amie, “you gave him a girl’s name, but it was more to do with him.”

Mom looked puzzled. Amie continued, “Jamie and I haven’t been friends very long, but I’ve noticed him at school. He seemed lost. Well, maybe I should say ‘she’. Anyway, I thought he was so cute! When I finally met him I figured it out. After talking with him for a while, I realized that I had forgotten I was talking to a boy! So I decided to check. I think that in her heart, Jamie is a girl. What do you think?”

“I’m a little overwhelmed. Jamie, why did you never say anything to me about how you felt?”

“Honest, Mom, I guess I thought about it before, but I didn’t want to tell anyone, and I didn’t have Amie to pull it out of me. Guess I should thank her. Thanks, Amie.”

“You’re welcome, girlfriend. No more of this ‘he’, ‘him’, ‘boy’ stuff.

My mom looked at me again. “My beautiful daughter…but school starts in two weeks. Are you ready to go back to school as a girl?”

Amie spoke up, “I think I have a fix for that issue, but we did a lot of shopping while we were gone, and we need to unload the rest of Jamie’s clothes. I think you’ll like them.”

“Jamie didn’t have any money.” Then, looking at me, she said, “Did you have money?”

“It’s OK, Mrs. Simms. My dad’s loaded.”

“No no,” my mom insisted, “get your dad to give me an amount when the bills come due.”

“OK,” said Amie. I knew she wouldn’t do it.
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We unloaded the Corvette and Amie left, but not until after hugs and kisses all around. When she drove away, my mom turned to me. “Well, Jamie,” she said, “I’m overwhelmed. Don’t get me wrong…I’m thrilled, but do you realize how serious this change is?”

“I’m getting an idea. Amie had to teach me how to walk and talk…even eat! Mom, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. There’s just one thing.”
“What’s that?” She frowned a little.

“I don’t like guys.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “I’m not sure I like them either. That’s not as important as you feeling good about yourself.”

“OK,” was all I could say.

She turned toward the house. “Let’s go look at your new clothes. Do you feel like modeling?” She looked at my chest, then reached out and touched me. “Since when do you have breasts?”

“Amie gave me some pills and a patch.”

“Oh. Hormones. You’re well on your way, honey. Let’s go have you do some modeling.”

I modeled clothes for her for about two hours. My room was a mess.

“Jamie, make some room on your bed and get some rest. We can clean tomorrow. I need to go to the store.”

She left. I took a shower and went to bed. I didn’t think I was tired, but it didn’t take long for me to drift off. I had dreams, but awoke to my cell phone ringing the next morning and the dreams disappeared from my memory. I grabbed the phone. “Hello?” It was Amie.

“Jamie, can you and your mom come over tonight. My parents would like to see how she feels about you changing schools…and other changes. Wonder what ‘other changes’ they want to talk about.”

“Gee, I wonder!”

“Yeah. Check with your mom and let me know.”

“OK.”

“Jamie. Want to go to the Galleria and do some ice skating? It’s not very crowded on Monday.”

“Sure! When?”

“Be ready in an hour. Of course, wear the skating dress and the ruffled panties we bought. Don’t forget your skates. I’ll pick you up in an hour.”

I remembered the skates and outfit. Could I find them? I decided to go to the kitchen first to see what I could find for breakfast. As I passed through the living room, I saw what my mom had been shopping the previous evening. She had bought dozens more girls’ outfits for me. They were in shopping bags piled on the couch. She obviously was for this change one hundred percent.

I at a bowl of cereal then went back to my bedroom and found the skating suit. It was white, with pink roses on the left shoulder and right front. The white faded to dark pink down near the hems of the loosely pleated skirt and arms. It was beautiful. I put it on, along with some tennis shoes, the panties and a bra that didn’t need any padding. I made a stab at putting on my makeup, and stood in front of the mirror. No doubt, Amie was going to have to do my makeup again. I vowed to watch closer this time. Regardless, if I were a boy, I would fall in love with me.

It had only been a half hour since I talked to Amie, so I decided to hang up some of my new clothing. I hoped I could find some hangers. I smiled a little. Since when do I hang up my clothes? Well, I thought, since I have some clothes worth hanging. I opened my closet door and found I need not have worried about finding hangers. All my boy clothes were gone. I must have really slept soundly for my mom to take all of them out without waking me. I started hanging clothes. It went pretty well except for some of the slinky things that refused to stay on a hanger. I set those aside until later.

I heard Amie pull up into the driveway, so I grabbed my purse and skates and left, locking the door behind me. I was only mildly surprised to see that she was wearing a matching outfit.

“Hi, girlfriend,” she said. “I see I’m going to have to teach you how to do your makeup. When we get to the Galleria, we’ll go to the ladies room and I fix it and give you your first lesson.” She lifted the hem of my skirt. “Got the ruffled panties on. ..yep! Good!” She lifted her skirt to show that we were twins right down to our underwear. “Let’s go skate!”

She took off…fast again. Soon, she spoke, “This will give you a chance to get used to being in public…AND get used to people staring at you.”

“Why are they going to stare?”

“Oh. You probably think it’s because they’ll think you’re a boy. No way! They’ll stare because you’re beautiful! They’ll stare even more when they start trying figure out if we’re twins. I made my dad so mad last night. I said, ‘Dad, Jamie and I look so much alike! Did you get around quite a bit when you were younger?’ I won’t ask him anything like that again!”

“It’s more likely MY dad got around. I know he did!”

She giggled, “Yes, but I would never ask my mom about something that!”

The traffic in the Galleria area was incredible, even on Monday. Amie seemed unphased by it, though. The staring had started already. A guy in a Mustang couldn’t keep his eyes off us. I wagged my fingers at him and he waved back. “Amie snapped,” No, Jamie. Don’t acknowledge him!”

“Why not?”

“There’s umpteen bgzillion perverts out there. You never know which one might try to follow you home. They can really be dangerous.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“It’s just one more part of being a girl. Scratch that…it’s one more part of being a pretty girl…you pretty girl, you. The ugly girls are pretty safe.” She smiled.

“You really think I’m pretty, don’t you?”

“I don’t think, I know. You’re awesome!”

“Thanks. Next time I look into the mirror I’ll try to see that.”

‘You’d have to be blind to not see it.”

We finally reached the Galleria and Amie used the valet parking. I didn’t even know the Galleria had it. Of course, this was only my second trip there. I was sure it wouldn’t be my last. We stopped at the first ladies’ room we saw for a makeup lesson, then started toward the ice rink. As we walked, I noticed Amie looking down at my skirt. Finally, she said, “Girl, one thing you learned quickly is walking like a girl, but you walked a little like a girl before I actually met you. I saw you at school and it’s one thing that made me curious about you. Has anyone ever said anything about it?”

“Well,” I replied, “once again…kids made fun sometimes. I really didn’t have many friends, because no one wanted to be friends with a ‘fag’.”

“Poor baby!” She reached out and touched my face. “But that’s OK. Imagine if I tried to pose as a boy. Don’t you think I would go through the same thing?”

“I can’t imagine you as a boy.”

“No. It’s hard to pretend. That’s why you’ve been so unhappy for so long. You just didn’t know what the problem was. I’m kind of proud of myself about helping you. I plan to be a psychiatrist. What about you?”

“I’d like to be an attorney, like my mom.”

“Well, I guess talent runs in families. We’re both following in our parents’ footsteps. You’re so sensitive, Jamie, and I would think ‘lawyer’ and ‘sensitive’ would be mutually exclusive. But, now that I think about it, I can see how there would be a place for sensitive attorneys.”

We walked and the staring continued. Mostly boys and men, but women stared as well. As we walked toward the rink, I looked at Amie and she didn’t seem to notice. But, after we bought tickets and sat down to put our on skates, she looked at me and said, “See what I mean about the stares?”

“Yes, but I didn’t think you noticed.”

“Oh, yes, but I’m used to it, and you will get used to it. I’ve thought about it. There are different reasons for the stares. From the men, of course, it’s mostly just plain old lust. With the women it can be envy, anger, concern and, yes, even lust!”

“Anger?”

“Anger that we’re young and beautiful and they’re not.”

“What about concern?”

“Some women are actually concerned that two young girls are here, apparently alone. Most of them didn’t have a Galleria when they were young, so maybe there’s some envy there, too. I say ’Let them all look, but don’t touch’.”

We hobbled on our skates from the locker room to the rink. I had ice skated once before, and I was very good on roller skates, so I was able to keep up with Amie.

“You’re pretty good, girlfriend,” Amie called over her shoulder.

“Thanks, Amie!” I put my arms out and felt the enjoyed the cool air flowing through my hair and around my arms and legs and up my skirt. I pitied boys, who couldn’t enjoy this kind of freedom.

We skated until early afternoon. I became more comfortable being in public with my new persona. We took our skates off and I felt like I could jump up and touch the ceiling of the Galleria. Not likely, since it was a couple of hundred feet high. I thought to myself, “There are two weights lifted. The skates and the necessity to pretend to be a boy.” Then I thought, “Wait a minute. Was I pretending to be a boy, or am I pretending now to be a girl? No doubt about it…I was meant to be a girl, and I couldn’t be happier!”

We walked back to the Corvette, and now the stares didn’t bother me nearly as much. I took on Amie’s attitude that I didn’t even notice them. If someone wants to stare, OK. Look, but don’t touch! We left the mall, went straight to my house, and ordered pizza. Then, we set about the job of hanging up all my new clothes. The task was slowed down by Amie’s insistence that I try on some of the clothes that my mom had bought.

“I guess your mom is trying to make up for all the years she didn’t have a daughter. She has very good taste. You know, I’ll bet that, in the past, when she was shopping she browsed through the girls’ clothing and found things she would buy if she had a daughter.”

I thought about that. “You know Amie, a couple of times she came home with girls’ clothes. One time I asked her who they were for, she said, ‘They’re for you Jamie. Do you want to try them on?’ So I did. She told me I was ‘precious’. But, I took the clothes off. She hung them in my closet and they stayed there a while, but then they just disappeared.”

“Did you try them on again?”

“Maybe...maybe not.”

“Ok. That answers that question. You were disappointed when they were gone, right?”

“Maybe...maybe not.”

“Come on, Jamie. This is Amie. Remember me? Why did you choose to cross-dress?”

“Cross-dress?”

“Wear boys’ clothing!”

“Oh. I thought I was supposed to be a boy and that was the end of it!”

She smiled. “Not the end at all. And this is not the end either. Your life is just beginning! Then she changed the subject. Have you talked to your mom about tonight?”

“Oh. No! Let me call her now.” I called my mom and she said she would make it a point to be there, but she would probably have to go back to the office afterward.

When I hung up the phone, Amie was holding up a beautiful, sheer dress with a lining. “Maybe this would be a good dress for you to wear tonight. Would you try it on?”

It seemed out of character for Amie to ask me to try on the dress. I stripped down to bra and panties. Amie came closer to me and put her arms around my waist. My arms instinctively went around her neck. She held me a minute, then said, “Oh, Jamie. What would you say if I said I think I’m falling in love with you?”

“Amie. I would be so happy. I’m in love with you!”

She kissed me on the lips. I felt her tongue on my lips and opened them slightly. Her tong went into my mouth. My heart was pounding until I thought it would burst. I didn’t think the kiss would ever end. I didn’t want it to end. I was a girl in love with the most beautiful girl in the world and she was in love with me. Finally, she pulled away. “Oh, Amie. I love you. Don’t stop.”

“Jamie. I love you, but we have a lot to do. Put this dress on please…lover?” She smiled and made a kissing motion with her lips. Her eyes appeared to have a hint of tears.

I took the dress and pulled it over my head. It had a back zipper, which Amie zipped up. Her touch was different now in a way. She was more gentle, lingering before parting, caressing any part of my body that she touched. She stepped back and looked at me. “That’s great, honey. You must look your best tonight. You’re kind of like a debutante.”

“Oh, great!” I said. “I’m not looking forward to being the center of attention. Let’s make that part of the meeting as short as possible. We’ll excuse ourselves, saying we think the adults should talk about it.”

“Yes. Good idea.

We talked and hung up clothes until five o’clock. Then, Amie said she should get home because my mom would soon be home to pick me. She touched up my makeup, giving me pointers as she worked. The we hugged and kissed, and she left for home.

My mom pulled up about five-twenty. She ran into the house to clean up a little and change clothes.

“Jamie, are you ready?”

“Yes, mom. I went into her bedroom to show her that I was all dressed.

“Oh, yes. You’re more than ready. Once more, you’re beautiful. I’m so glad to see that dress fits. It’s one of my favorites.”

“Mine, too. Mom, am I supposed to wear pantyhose?”

“Not tonight, but we’ll get you some. You should shave your legs, even though they don’t need it very much. You need to practice shaving them.”

We got into the car and set out for Amie’s house. When we got up to the front door, I realized it was the first time I had gone in the front door of her house. Mom pushed the doorbell and we heard chimes first in one room, then another. They went on for about five seconds. After a few more seconds, the giant door opened and Amie’s mom stood smiling.

“Welcome Mrs. Simms…Jamie. Please come in.”

Amie and her dad we’re already seated. When we came in, her dad stood up. We sat on their couch. And he sat back down. Amie’s mom asked if we wanted coffee or coke. We politely refused.

Amie’s mom spoke. “Well,” she began, “our girls had a very unusual summer. They’ve begun something that has necessitated us intervening as parents, and we need to be as clear as we can about how to proceed.”

My mom responded, “Yes, I would like to talk about the school first. I’ve been considering enrolling Jamie in private school for a long time. I researched the schools for a while. What is this school like?”

“It’s an all-girls school in San Antonio,” Amie’s mom replied.

Then Amie’s dad spoke up, “Yes, and I’ve already spoke to them. If you want Jamie to go there, they will be glad to have her.”

Mom turned to me, “Jamie, what do you think?”

“I would like to go there so Amie and I can be together. I know the kids at the school wouldn’t understand about me. No one will know me at the new school.”

She turned to Amie’s parents, “Well, I trust your judgment on the school. I like the idea of an all-girls’ school, even though I never considered it before…for obvious reasons.”

Amie’s mom spoke up, “Yes, and that’s the other issue we want to address tonight. But, I think we should dismiss the girls while we talk.”

Everyone agreed about that, so we were dismissed. Back in her room, Amie was profuse in her praise. “Wow, Amie. You didn’t seem nervous at all. You did so good!”

“Thanks, Amie. I wasn’t as nervous as I thought I would be.”

Amie sat at her desk. “Let’s look at our new school online. You’re going to love it! You know, San Antonio is a long way from Houston. We’ll have to live in the dorm.”

“Cool,” I replied. I think living in a dorm will be fun…especially with no boys!”

Amie nodded, “Yeah, that might be the best part. But, your poor mom finally got the daughter she wants…only to lose her again so soon.”
“I’m going to miss my mom, even though I don’t see her much.”

“Well, she’ll always be as close as your cell phone,” Amie said. Then, she turned to the desk and pointed to the computer screen. “Look at the school.”

The school website had pictures of smiling girls and a lip-synch video led by a girl in a tutu, with other girls doing somersaults. We got bored with it and shut it off after a couple of minutes.

We talked a while longer. Then, Amie’s cell phone rang. “Hello,” she answered. “OK. We’ll be right there.” Hanging up the phone, she turned to me and said,” They’re finished talking.”

I smoothed down my dress and we left Amie’s part of the house and went back to where the adults were. They were standing and my mom was holding her purse. “OK, Amie,” she said, “you have a new doctor, and a new school.”

Amie’s mom said, “Thank ya’ll so much for coming over. We’ll stay in touch. The girls will be leaving for school before you know it.”

Amie spoke up, “Could Jamie spend the night? We just started looking at the school website and it looks interesting,” she lied.

“It’s fine with us,” Amie’s mom interjected.

“Sure,” my mom said. She kissed me on the forehead. I have to go back to the office. I probably won’t see you until tomorrow night. I’m going to try and take a couple of days of vacation to get you ready to go. Goodnight, honey. I love you so much.”

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Amie and I went back to her room. I turned my back to her and she unzipped my dress and let it fall to the floor. Then, she unhooked my bra. “Let’s see how your boobs are progressing. I turned around and stood there…my perky little boobs protruding. She smiled, “Jamie, my love, you are a work of art!” Then she looked into my eyes. I could tell she had something serious to say. “Jamie, I want to kiss you again.”
I put my arms around her neck, and she pushed me down on the bed. Once again, my heart responded. My face felt so hot I didn’t see how she didn’t get burned. Her tongue played with mine. The weight of her body felt warm and protective. I reached down to the hem of her top and pulled it over her head. Then I found the hook to her bra a released it. “Fair’s fair!” I said as I pulled her bra off. Her breasts were incredible! She leaned over and I opened my mouth wide to get as much breast into my mouth as possible, and sucked as if I were trying to pull it down my throat. She responded by pulling my legs open and pressing her vagina to the place where mine would soon be. She began moving her lower body up and down against me. My heart pounded even harder. She pulled off her panties…then mine. I was totally nude. She had on only a skirt. She increased the speed of lower body rubbing on mine. I felt a strange sensation in my groin. A male would have an erection but, thankfully, several weeks of hormones made that impossible. The sensation intensified for both of us. “Make love to me, Amie! I’m in love with you and I’m making love with you.” Suddenly, the sensation over whelmed me. I saw lights and stars and heard someone screaming…screams of ecstasy. Then, someone else screamed. It was Amie! The first scream was mine. I felt something flowing in my crotch, a little like I had wet the bed. Amie stopped moving and lay on top of me. My heart was still pounding, but was gradually slowing. She put her hand on my breast and kissed me again, then she laid her head on my shoulder.

“Oh, Jamie, my sweet girl, I can’t believe it! We made love! I want you always.”

“I’m so totally happy, Amie. I have to tell you something, though.”

“What?”

“I think I wet the bed.”

“Oh, Jamie. Silly girl! You had an orgasm…and so did I! Actually, most of what you feel down is mine. I’ll explain sometime.” She stood up and her breasts bounced a little. When she saw me noticing, she bounced up and down slightly. “You like? Give it a year and you’ll catch up with me.”

“I doubt it!” I had a lot of growing to do to catch up with her, but I hoped she was right. The thought of needing a size “34C” bra was exciting. I got up and put on my bra that now seemed so small. I put the ruffled panties back on and pulled my dress on over my head and turned around for Amie to zip me up. Instead of zipping, she let the dress fall to the floor and said, “Don’t get dressed, it’s bath time. Then she whispered in my ear, “I’m going to buy you a ring.”

I turned to face her. “What kind of ring?” I asked.

“Oh, maybe just a friendship ring…for now, but no “BFF’s” for us. We’re a lot more than “BFF’s”.

“Oh? What are we?”

“Well for one thing, we’re ‘lipstick lesbians’. But in our case we’re still more.” She came closer and put her hands on my cheeks. “Jamie, we’re young, but I know this. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. ‘Forsaking all others…’.”

“Oh, Amie. That’s really serious!”

“Yes, Jamie, I’m serious as I can be. I’m young, but I’ve had close friends and I’ve had lovers, but I never felt the way I feel with you. I want to stay with you forever. I might ask you to marry me, but that’s kind of old-fashioned, we’re too young, AND it’s not legal for two women in Texas to marry.”

“But, all my records show that I’m a male.”

“Don’t you hate that? Don’t you want it changed?”

“Yes, I do. But, if it means….”

“Wait a minute. Do you want a piece of paper that says you’re a male, I’m a female, and we’re married?”

I just made a face.

“Yeah,” she said. “I wouldn’t doubt that your mom has the paperwork started to correct your birth certificate. Any day now, she’ll have a new birth certificate that says she had the baby girl she always wanted.”

I smiled about that. “She’s like your dad. She knows a lot of people. Being an attorney doesn’t hurt, either.”

“You want to shower first, Jamie?”

“OK”.

I set the water very hot and began to shower. I thought about the many occurrences of the past summer and the past couple of days. I was still somewhat in disbelief. I turned my earrings and felt my not quite so tiny breasts. Finally, I turned off the water, dried my hair a little, wrapped a towel around me, and stepped out of the bathroom. Amie was on the computer, looking at the school website again. She turned off the monitor and walked over toward me and kissed me. “It’s been a long day. You’ll probably be asleep when I get out of the shower. Goodnight, sweet girl. I love you.”

“I love you Amie.”

As I got into bed, I thought of a funny story I had heard. A man said his wife could turn out the bedroom light switch, jump into bed, and be asleep before the light went out. I smiled to myself as I lay down. All was well in my world. I turned on my side, sighed, drifted off and began to dream…not good dreams or bad dreams…just dreams…the kind you forget when you wake up, but are brought to your memory by something that happens during the following day.

When I awoke, it was bright daylight. I took a few seconds figuring out where I was. Oh…I was in my girlfriend’s room…or should I say “my lover’s room”? So many things in my life had changed so quickly. The biggest, of course, was meeting Amie and discovering that I was actually a girl in every way except physically. The medication she stole from her dad’s clinic was quickly changing that. My breasts were nearly as large as some of the other girls my age. Down below, what had previously been growing had reversed course. It seemed it was getting smaller by the day. I had not been circumcised, so I had to sit down and hunt among the folds of skin before I could pee. I was hoping my new doctor, Amie’s dad, could do something about that…something involving a scalpel…while I’m asleep, of course. I headed for the restroom and my new breasts bounced slightly. “Awesome,” I thought. I also thought about when Amie said in a year I would catch up with her. Not likely. She had the most awesome breasts! I thought of my mom. Did she have large breasts? Not something you notice about your mom. After going to the bathroom, finding the necessary equipment, and relieving myself, I decided I needed to find Amie. I got my cell phone and pressed “redial”. Hers was almost the only number I called these days…hers and my moms, that is.

“Hello?” Amie sounded wide awake. I still didn’t know what time it was.

“Amie…where are you?”

“I’m in here with my mom. About time you woke up, sleepy girl. Get dressed. You have an appointment with your new doctor. I’ll be right there.”

“OK.”

Instead of getting dressed, I sat on the bed. I knew that Amie would insist on telling me what to wear. She showed up in only about a minute.
“You’re not getting dressed!”

“What should I wear?”

“Oh. I forgot to set it out.” She went to her closet and pulled out a red pleated dress with spaghetti straps. It was very short, of course. “Here honey, she said.” Then she sat on the bed and leaned over. “I didn’t get a good morning kiss, yet.” We kissed and she got her tongue in there, but just a little. “Good morning, honey. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes,” I replied. “I didn’t hear you come to bed.”

“You were fast asleep. I watched you sleep for a long time. I SO wanted to make love to you! I knew you were tired, though, so I kissed you and went on to sleep. You didn’t even stir.”

“Wow, I must have been in a deep sleep to miss a kiss from you, Amie!”

“Oh, don’t worry. There will be plenty of others. Now, get dressed and let’s go to the doctor. Maybe he can whack it off today, huh?”

“Ouch. OK, as long as he knocks me out first.”

Amie just smiled.
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We started out for Amie’s dad’s office. We went in the waiting room and Amie just told the girl at the desk, “I need a room.”

“Hello, Amie. Go ahead to Room 3.”

We got to the room and Amie’s dad came in almost immediately. No waiting for the boss’s daughter!

“Ok, girls…let’s see…Amie go to the front for a little. Send Carol in here.”

“Ok, dad.”

After she left, the doctor looked at some note he had and made a few changes. Then he reached under the exam bed and pulled up two stirrups. A pretty nurse came in the door and stood off to the side as if waiting for instructions. The doctor said, “Jamie, this is Carol. I never see female patients without another female adult in the room. I’m sure you can understand why. Carol is aware of you case, and I can assure you nothing regarding your case will leave this office. Now, go behind the curtain and remove all your clothes and put on the gown that’s in there. “
As I started toward the curtain, Carol said, “The opening goes in the back. There are some ties there.”
I put on the gown. I still felt naked and I was cold. I tied in the back as best as I could and came out and got on the exam table.

“Now lie down and put your feet in the stirrups.”

I still felt naked and cold. Now I felt completely vulnerable. I thought to myself, “Doctor, I was in this position last night at your house and your daughter was on top of me.” I could feel him checking my penis and testicles.

Finally, he spoke. “Any problems urinating?”

“Yes,” I replied. “It’s so small, I have to hunt for it before I can pee.”

He smiled. “OK, go ahead and sit up.”

I sat up as he made some more notes. Then, he explained, “I’ll write you some prescriptions for hormones. Carol will give you a shot today. There is no way you can have sex reassignment surgery until you‘re 18 years old, but hormones can stop any development as a male. Your body and voice will develop as a normal female. Then when you reach age 18 I can recommend a surgeon right here in Houston who can perform the surgery. Now, for the problem urinating, I have done some research, and consulting with some of my peers, I have an option that I think will help. I can pin back the excess scrotal skin and pull the head of the penis back and pin it as close to the body as possible. Then, I will reroute the urethra so that it is straight down, exactly as a female urethra should be. Of course, you will not be able to urinate while standing. I discussed the legal aspects of this with your mom, and we feel that, since the procedure is reversible, there is no legal problem with performing this procedure at your age, especially given your advanced sophistication regarding medical and legal issues. This configuration should last until your 18th birthday, when you can have the much more involved and complex operation creating a vagina and other parts of the female genitalia. I have discussed the procedures with your mom at length. She had given me a free hand in dealing with your care, but we have decided that after we have looked at all the options, the final decision should be up to you. Do you understand your options completely?

“Yes, Dr. Adams.”

“And, how would you like to proceed?”

“As soon as possible.”

“Very good. I’m going to have you sign some papers even though your mom has already signed. You are intelligent beyond your years. I’m proud to say that my daughter is also. This procedure is relatively simple and I can do it on an outpatient basis here in my office today. Would you like to proceed?”

“Yes, Dr. Adams. Please do as much as possible to get me down the road to my goal!”

“Will do, honey.” He turned to the nurse. “Carol, ask Judy to get room 7 ready.”
Instead of leaving the room, she took out her cell phone and called Judy with the instructions.

“I’m going to prepare for the procedure while Carol has you sign the papers I mentioned and goes over a couple of other things with you.”

“Thank you, Dr. Adams”

Carol sat down and gave me papers to sign, which she also signed and stamped with her Notary stamp. Then she said, “Jamie, I might not need to even say this, but from this moment on, you will be referred to as a female. Dr. Adams assigned me the job of going through your files and making sure that they show that you are, and always have been, a female. To be completely legal, the procedure the doctor is performing today, and any procedures related to this issue in the future will be documented as a correction of “congenital anomalous genitalia”. No one in this office is to address you in any way as a male. Anyone who does risks termination. Actually, I don’t see anything like that happening, because you don’t resemble a boy anyway. That’s it honey. The surgery should be completely painless. Do you have any questions?”

“Can Amie come back in now?” I was anxious to Amie and tell her about my surgery.

The doctor replied, “Sure. Sit here just a little and we’ll send her in.”

I sat down and he and Carol left. I felt proud that Dr. Adams and Carol didn’t think they had to talk down to me about medical issues. I had already taken two advanced classes in anatomy and, unlike most of the other students, I learned. Learning was as easy to me as breathing. We didn’t have a TV in the house for a long time. She said TV was “stultifying”. She also grew up in a United Pentecostal Church, which saw television as a sin. When she did get a TV it didn’t me long to see what she meant. The few times that my mom and I watched TV, I would sometimes ask my mom, “Did you read that?” She would respond something like, “It was only on the screen a split second! How did you read it?” I couldn’t tell her, of course, except to say, “It doesn’t take me long to read.” That caused my mom to ask the school to do some testing of my I.Q. In addition to a high I.Q., They decided that I had eidetic memory, Asperger’s syndrome and ADHD. My mom wondered aloud if psychologists were paid by the disorder. I was moved to advanced classes, and my mom took me to a psychologist for a while. The psychologist became confused after a few sessions, and tried to refer me to someone else. I have to admit that I did some research on psychological testing before I went for my first appointment. One thing most people don’t know about psychological test is that they include questions designed to detect whether you’re lying. One easy one to spot is, “I sometimes get mad.” Everyone gets mad, of course, and a “no” answer to this is a clue that the patient might be lying on other questions. Another trick used is to ask the same question more than one time, but in different ways. This tact doesn’t work on someone with eidetic memory. Anyway, I suspected that the psychologist was sick of dealing with someone smarter than she was. (I told her that “Doc Martin” put the emphasis was on the second syllable in “Asperger’s”) I don’t think she knew who “Doc Martin” was, but thought she should, and it pissed her off that I knew and she didn’t . She probably had plans to refer me to a fellow professional she personally didn’t like. (Remember the movie “What about Bob”?) My mom sensed her frustration and anger, and dropped the whole psychology idea. She said they were just trying to keep me in therapy until her insurance benefits ran out. She called the psychologist and gave her an earful about malpractice. Doctors here that every day, but this doctor knew that my mom was an attorney, so she apologized profusely, even offering to refund everything she had charged.

But, the result of all this was that I got moved to advanced classes, and that was when I saw the most beautiful work of art that God had ever put on Earth…Amie. It would be months, however, before I was able to speak to her.

A couple of minutes later, Amie came in and shut the door behind her. “Well, lover…what’s the score?”

I did my best to describe the surgery to her. She smiled as she listened. After I finished my attempt to tell her what was going to happen, I said, “Why are you smiling?”

“You don’t realize what this means. First of all, you won’t have to be wearing anything to hide your gear. Also, just the tip of your penis will be exposed. It will be a whole lot like a clitoris. Can you imagine how much better that will make our love making?” She whispered the last two word as if someone would hear.

My heart jumped. “Cool! Amie, your dad is a genius.”

“I know,” she said, “he gets it from me.” She kissed me quickly while watching the door.

We had about a twenty minute wait. Then, another nurse came in and said, “Jamie?” Amie stayed in the exam room, and I followed the nurse down the hall to room 7. To me, it looked to me like a complete operating room. The nurse had me lie on the operating table as she started explaining what I could expect. She explained, “Now, Jamie, you will be given what we call an ‘epidural’. We put a catheter in your lower spine to administer medication to deaden the nerves in you lower body. You will be awake, but you won’t feel anything from the waist down. Sometimes a slight amount of spinal fluid leaks past the catheter. If that happens, you will need to stay on your back for a few hours. If you try to stand, you will get a tremendous headache…believe me, I had an epidural when I had my first child. You won’t want to stand up. Do you have any questions?”

“Yes. Can Amie come in and stay during the operation?”

“I think she probably can. We’re pretty casual around here…especially where family is concerned. I’ll double check with the doctor. Now, can you flip over on your tummy?”

I turned on my stomach. I could feel a cold breeze from the air conditioning. I really felt vulnerable now. I felt her rubbing alcohol on my lower back. Then, I felt a needle stick. “This is just to deaden the area where we’re going to draw spinal fluid,” the nurse assured me.
She waited a couple of minutes for the nerves in the area to be deadened. Dr. Adams and Amie came in wearing green masks. Amie stood next to me and grasped my hand. It was so good to have her there. I felt pressure, but no pain, in my lower back. I waited. After about five minutes, the doctor said, “Do you feel anything on your foot?” I said I didn’t and wondered why he thought I should feel anything on my foot. Then, the doctor said, “Let’s turn her over.”

They turned me on my back and I realized I had absolutely no feeling below my waist, just as I had been told. They had to turn me over without my help. I tried touching my leg and it was like touching someone else. They lifted my legs into stirrups and the doctor went to work. It seemed like forever, but he finally finished. “OK, Jamie, all done. We’re going to move you to another room to let the feeling come back in your lower body. We’ll give you a shot for the pain. When we’re satisfied that you’re ready, we’ll have an ambulance take you home. Carol, get her mom’s number and tell her not to be upset if she comes home and sees an ambulance at her house.”

I so wanted to see what the doctor had done, but I could barely move and my legs felt dead weight of about 200 lbs. They put me in a room and everyone left except Amie. “What does it look like?” I asked her.

She pulled up my cover and looked. “It looks like a lot of bandages. You have a catheter. You don’t have get up to pee until it’s taken out. Try to rest, OK? It might be a while before you’re released.”
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I woke up with a feeling of motion. I was being moved to a stretcher. Then, I was rolled down the hall, out the back of the doctor’s office, and into a waiting ambulance. I wondered where Amie was, then I saw her pull her Corvette up behind. “I’m goin’ home!” I thought.

At home, they took me into the front door and to my bedroom. Then, they put me in my bed. They asked if I needed anything and Amie assured them that she would take care of me. The EMT people left. I was glad to be home, and I was glad Amie was there. “Well, that’s step one. How do you feel?”

“With my hands,” I joked.

Amie smiled. “When the catheter comes out, I want to see you try to stand up to pee.”

“I want to see that too. It will be the first time. I saw my dad stand to pee one time when I was about five years old. I thought it was gross. He left a mess on the bathroom floor, too. I thought when he left, ‘At least, now we’ll have a clean bathroom.’”

Amie sighed. “It must be tough to grow up without a dad. My dad was always so strong, and he’s always been there for me. I guess I took it for granted having both parents.“ Her voice broke a little. She kissed me on the forehead. “Sleep…sweet baby,” she whispered.

I didn’t sleep as long as I thought I would. I woke up after an hour. Amie was quietly hanging more of my clothes. She heard me stirring and turned around. “Hello, Honey. I set your laptop on the nightstand. I hope you don’t mind me changing your wallpaper. I put a picture of the ‘twins’ on it.” I smiled. A picture of Amie and me would be perfect wallpaper. She hadn’t turned it off, so it didn’t take but a few seconds for it to “wake up.” When it did, there were the “twins”. It was a picture of Amie…topless and making a blowing a kiss. It was so beautiful it was breathtaking. I smiled…the smile that I guess you would call a “conditioned reflex”, like when a person looks at a picture of a cute child. I heard someone say that if a person looks at a picture of a cute child and doesn’t smile, there’s something wrong with that person. I thought that was a valid assumption, but I definitely wasn’t looking a child. Even though Amie was only 14 years old I figured if she developed any more, she would have back trouble.

“That’s a really precious set of twins. Do they give you much trouble?”

She smiled, “If I run, I have a hard time keeping them still unless I have a really good sports bra on. That’s the only time they’re naughty.”

“Oh, that’s just awful,” I said. “So awful that I hope I have the same problem some day.”

“I’ll bet it’s not as far in the future as you think. From my point of view, it looks like you’re growing by the hour.”

“Yes, it does. Seems like every time I check, which is pretty often, there’s been more development.”

“Amie,” I said, “I’d like to ask you a favor, but I can understand if you say ‘no’.”

“Sounds serious.”

“Not that much. Would you go to my mom’s room and find one of her bras and look at the size?”

“Oh, sure. We’re just gathering information. No harm there. They’re huge, I’ll just go see how huge.”

She left the room for a few minutes and came back with a big smile. “Well, some are 34D’s, and some are little bitty tiny 34C’.” If that’s any indication, you better get ready to be carrying a couple of large jugs, you poor dear!”

“Yes!”

“But, Jamie, you might not believe this, but you can inherit big boobs from your dad, too!”

“No way!”

“Way! Even though he’s a male, he still carries what you might call the ‘large boob’ gene. That gene lies dormant in him, because the male hormones in his body keep him from developing breasts, but if he has a daughter, the gene goes to work developing the breasts that females in the family are destined to have.”

Changing the subject, she stepped to the side and said, “Look at your closet. I’ve got most of your stuff in there, but it’s just too packed to put anything else. “You’re going to need a bigger closet.”

“I’ll tell my mom. She’ll come up with something.”

“OK. Hey, Jamie, you got room in that queen sized bed?”

“Amie, I would have room for you if I were in a twin bed!”

Amie crawled into bed next to me and snuggled. “You’ve had a lot of sleep. If you want to surf the web, I’ll just lay here next to you and go to sleep.” She sighed a long, peaceful sigh. “I just feel so peaceful here next to you.”

“Rest, Amie. Thank you for everything.” Amie closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. I watched her sleep for a long time, then my eyes started burning (the sandman). I went to sleep, secure in the knowledge that I was loved…by Amie, by my mom, even by Dr. and Mrs. Adams. I was now feeling more love than I ever felt as a boy. It opened my eyes to the value of love in humans. As John Lennon wrote, “All you need is love.” I thought about him. He died in 1980, way before my time…murdered senselessly by a deranged “fan”.

Well, as usual, my mind had wandered far off the “beaten path”. I decided to go back to the subject of love. Love must be like a drug. I had felt love before. The love that my mom showed me was no doubt sincere and unquestionable. But despite that unquestionable love, it seemed that her love had grown immensely with my recent changes. Now that I’ve felt that amazing love, I don’t ever want to be without it. It seemed I never would. So far, everyone who was aware of my new persona was all in favor. But, even thought I was young, I was not unaware of possible pitfalls ahead. I knew there were people out there just waiting for someone to get outside the lines of acceptable societal behavior, to take on society and go her own way. They were delighted when they find someone like that and do their best to destroy them. “I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.” With that thought, I closed my eyes to sleep.

But sleep doesn’t always come easily. It was the end of the summer and Amie and I would be busy packing for school. Another quote came to mind, “The harvest is past, the summer has ended, and we are not saved.” Jeremiah 8:20. Yes…The Bible! I read it when I was 9 years old. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever read. It was tedious at times, yes, but worth it if you persevere. It occurred to me (if this is not sacrilegious) that Amie and The Bible were alike in a lot of ways. Amie was the most beautiful creature ever made, and The Bible was the most beautiful book ever written. They were both inscrutable at times. They both commanded respect and expected that their dictates be observed. They both sought to change a person who is taking a wrong path in life. The more I thought, the more similarities I saw. This was odd to me, because if there was any aspect of Amie I would have thought of, religion was not even in the running.

But, have I said that Amie was beautiful? Yeah, I thought so. There were a lot of beautiful girls in my school, but Amie was beautiful in all caps…BEAUTIFUL.

Of course, there were other translations of the Bible. I read some of the other translations…New International Version, New Living Translation, etc. If ever a mustache was painted on the Mono Lisa, it wouldn’t be a greater crime than what these new translations did to beauty of the King James Version of the Bible. I feel it’s not a coincidence that the Bible was translated by edict of King James. Just as God gave us beautiful tree, rivers, mountains, sunrises, sunsets, and countless other displays of His Glory, The Bible was translated in a time when the English language was an art form. Many of the familiar scriptures are so beautiful that the mere reading brings tears to the eyes.

Many scholars now only study the Bible for what you might call “opposition research”. The advocates of an “open mind” cannot see the irony when they read the greatest book ever written just to nitpick. It’s beyond me how anyone can claim to be educated and well-rounded without a pretty good knowledge of the Bible. With these and a thousand other thoughts churning in my mind, I saw there was no other way to get to sleep, so I woke up Amie and got her to give me a good dose of pain meds. Finally, I drifted off.
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The next morning, I was able to get around carefully. I was ready to get the bandages off to see what I had…or didn’t have. We were to leave for school soon, but Dr. Adams said he could remove the bandages just before we left. I still had the catheter, so I had to empty the bag every once in a while. (Gross) Amie was taking over the job of picking what clothes I would bring…no surprise there. We would be making the 100 mile trip to San Antonio in the Corvette, so Amie’s parents were hiring a guy with a large van to move all our clothes and other possessions we couldn’t do without.

Everything had happened so fast that I hadn’t had time to realize how much change was happening in my life. Oh…just about everything. I took consolation in the fact that the changes were all positive. There were, of course, a few unpleasant things. I would be away from my mom. I would be away from my favorite teachers. This was one time in my life, however, when not having many friends was actually a positive thing. I could sincerely say that I would not miss the friends I didn’t have. I used to tell my mom, “If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s probably a friend of mind.”

But now I had Amie. She was so totally in control and self confident. When I was with her I felt a lot like her. I guess she was a crutch. But, hey…if you need a crutch…use it. It’s better that falling on your face. I loved my little Amiecrutch, though. She sincerely loved me, too. Of course, I’m no judge of character, but she says she loves me and what would it gain me to question her? I was not going to allow suspicion or paranoia affect our relationship. I was head over heels for my beloved Amie.

Two days before our scheduled departure for our new school, Dr. Adams removed my bandages. He left the catheter in and gave Amie and instructions on removal. It seemed simple enough. Everything seemed surreal but wonderful. My mom and Amie’s parents all warned us that the new curriculum would be much more challenging than that to which we had grown accustomed in public school. We both agreed that a more challenging curriculum would not be difficult since the public school seemed to be geared to the lowest common denominator.

We were also excited to discover what the girls were like at an exclusive private school. I worried that they Amie and Jamie
might be snobs, but I took comfort in the fact that Amie could deal with anybody. She could make friends with almost anyone. Those who refused to be friends she usually ignored.

We decided to have everything packed and ready on a Monday night and start out on the 3 hour trip across central Texas at 4 am. This would put us in San Antonio before 8 am. Anyone who has experienced Texas weather in August would understand the logic of this plan. This gave us time to get breakfast before heading to the school to see what kind of registration nightmare awaited us.

I once heard it said that driving across Texas is not a trip…it’s a career. Luckily we were going “only” about 200 miles. The trip went well, but it’s not a scenic route. The Katy mall is huge, but if you’re not going to shop, it’s just traffic. The turnoff to LaGrange was mildly interesting. Remember “Best Little Whorehouse in Texas”? That was about the end of the scenery. I was kind of glad I didn’t have a driver’s license. I laid back and found where I left off in “Huckleberry Finn”.

Amie looked at my book title. “Kind of a boy’s book, huh?”

“I guess, but it’s fun to read and you can learn a lot about the times it which the author lived. When you read history books, you get something like, ‘Rulers of the Spanish Empire, which had expanded north of Mexico City into present-day New Mexico and California, believed it would be advantageous to link California and New Mexico.’ Boring, right?

“Well,” I continued my defense, it’s a good rule that, if you’re going to write…write about what you know. Sure, you ‘know’ about things you’ve read, But Samuel Clements or, if you wish, ‘Mark Twain’, lived the things about which he wrote. When you read his books, you are not only entertained, but you get to know the ‘flavor’ of the period. You begin to understand the class system which had developed. This country was well on its way to developing a society not dissimilar to that our ancestors left in England. The history books might try to explain this, but ‘Mark Twain’ makes you understand it. At one point, when Huck Finn is helping Jim escape, he argues with his conscience about it because he feels he is stealing property from Jim’s owner. That tells me how commonly accepted slavery was in that day. Also, the dialect is fun to read aloud.”
“Wow. You wouldn’t over analyze, would you? Seriously, I’ve read ‘Tom Sawyer’, but haven’t got around to ‘Huckleberry Finn yet. I’m glad I haven’t because now I’ll look at it in a whole new light.”

“I think Tom and Huck have slightly different personalities from one book to the other. Of course, the book, ‘Huckleberry Finn’ is a little darker and more serious than ‘Tom Sawyer’.”

“Well, when you finish ‘Huckleberry Finn’ in a few minutes, maybe you can just use your eidetic memory and tell me the whole story.”
“I’m afraid you’d go to sleep if I talk that long. Going to sleep at the wheel at 80 miles per hour is probably not a good idea.”
“I’m only going 78…and a half, and have you noticed all the cars passing us? If someone wants to pass me on the highway, I’m happy to let them because I imagine them saying, ‘There’s a speed trap ahead. Please let it catch me...PLEASE?’ More than once, I’ve seen a car pulled over that passed me a few miles previously. When I do, I think, ‘You’re welcome’.”

“Well, you’re right about people passing us. A cop with radar has a lot of speeders from which to choose. He can ignore a couple of girls creeping along at on 78 miles per hour...excuse me 78 and a half.”

“This ‘Vette is cool for driving around town, but it sucks on a long trip like this. When we go home for a visit, we’re driving to the airport and taking a flight home. We’ll fly to Hobby Airport. It’s not nearly as far from River Oaks as Bush International.”

“My thoughts exactly, Amie, ‘Great minds…’ you know.”

“Get the MapQuest ready. We’re approaching San Antonio.”

The MapQuest led us to the school with no problem. We arrived at a gate which opened to a long drive. At the end of the drive were several beautiful brick buildings. Some of the buildings had ivy growing up the walls.

“Well,” said Amie, “we’ve made it to the Ivy League already.”

Amie parked the Corvette and we walked into the massive main building. A very neatly dressed woman sat at a desk. Her name tag said that she was “Miss. Burton”.

“Welcome,” she said gleefully. “You’re our very first arrivals this morning. Do you have your registration cards?”

We had our cards ready. She took them and said, “Welcome, Amie Adams and Jamie Simms. You are in room 101 in “Jane Long” building. You’re lucky. You’ll be close to almost everything and you can park your car right at your door. You’re already registered. I assume you have laptops. Your login information is in your room. You can log in and look at your schedules as soon as you get settled in.”
We both thanked her and proceeded back to the car to move it and unload what little we had. The van carrying the bulk of our possessions would arrive later that day. Our room was much larger than we expected, and from our window, we could see the main building entrance. We would be able to watch the other students arriving during the day. In the closet, school uniforms of several different sizes were hanging. We were to find a size that fit us and hang the others on a rack near the door. We would then be given several uniforms of the chosen size. Of course, we were the same size. I stood in front of the mirror in my new uniform. I began to wonder: “Is this a dream.” No. It was definitely reality. Thank goodness it was reality. This would be a horrible dream from which to awaken. I started thinking about what I would be doing at this moment if I hadn’t met Amie. I soon cast those thoughts aside. Why think about something so boring when reality was infinitely better.

Amie walked up and stood next to me looking at our reflections. “Honey,” she said, “we have it made. All we have to do is not screw up. Let’s vow to make perfect grades. Then, we’ll be on our way to the real Ivy League. We have one huge advantage over the other girls.”
“What’s that?”

“Boys…they’re a major stumbling block for so many girls. We don’t need them. Oh, we can have a ‘crush’ now and then, but they’ll soon realize that they come second or third in our priorities, if they figure in at all.”

“Cool,” I said. “We’re a self-contained learning machine, and neither of us is likely to get the other pregnant.”

“Right! I wonder what the probability of that would be. It would be a decimal point followed by several thousand zeros.”

I put my arms around her neck. She held my waist, “Zeros and ‘exes’”, I said. She pulled me closer and kissed me as if she would never stop. When she did stop, she looked at my face.

“Jamie, you’re blushing. How sweet. I love everything about you. Even your blushing. Well, there is one thing that’s a problem, but it will be taken care of in time.”

“I can’t believe I have to wait until I’m 18 to have corrective surgery. I wish there were another way.”

“Funny you should mention that. My dad and your mom are actually looking at the possibility of you having surgery overseas. They could arrange to do it secretly in the states, but they’re both too much ‘by the book’ to do something like that. My dad is investigating the work of different physicians in Thailand. If he can find someone he trusts, you could have surgery during the Christmas break.”

“Oh my God, Amie, that would be wonderful!”

“Yes. I know my dad, and he’ll find someone. You’ll be all girl…and I’m claiming you now. You’ll be all MY girl! Jamie…your eyes…are those tears?”

“Maybe,” I said, my voice breaking. “I never thought I could be so happy!

Well, you’re beautiful even when you’re crying.

There was a light knock on the door. Amie opened the door. It was Miss Burton. “Just checking. Are you girls happy with your room?”
She looked at me. “Tears? What is it?”

“Just a slight touch of homesickness”, Amie explained.

“Oh, dear. Well, when classes start, you won’t have time for homesickness. Besides, you can call home anytime after classes. I see you’ve both found your uniform sizes. I’ll go ahead and take the rest of these and make sure you get some more of the sizes you need.”
She took the uniforms and left.

“Look,” Amie said, “new arrivals”. A silver Cadillac SUV was pulling up to the front of the main building. When it stopped, a tall, slender girl with very short brown hair stepped out. She wore jeans and a white, man’s dress shirt. From a distance, she appeared to be wearing no makeup. She didn’t need makeup. She was a natural beauty, but she was built more like a young boy. She had slender hips and, apparently was not wearing a bra. It was hard to tell because the shirt was a little large for her.

“Well,” said Amie, “it’s pretty easy to read her. 'Boys…forget it!’ Let’s make friends with her, but not real close friends…you know?”

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. She really is beautiful, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, boys are going to cry when they find out they don’t have a chance. They should know that just by one look at her, but boys can really be dense.”

“She probably carries a sharp knife in those jeans, and any boy who goes too far is liable to wind up without balls.”

“Oh…that’s why the bulge,” Amie said. “I thought maybe…”

We both giggled as the new girl headed in the building. She definitely didn’t walk like a boy, but she had an air of confidence about her. She seemed to be one who knew where she was going and what she wanted when she arrived.

Students began arriving with increasing frequency. They all had at least two things in common: they arrived in style and, almost without exception, they were beautiful.

Amie noticed the latter. “They must have a beauty rule at this school. I wonder if our parents had to send a picture of us to get us admitted.”

“Well, I guess we made the cut. Let’s look at our schedules.”

We got out our laptops and went through the necessary procedure to set up usernames and passwords. Whoever set up the school software knew what she was doing. That was a relief because so often websites are done by someone who thought being a programmer would be cool, so they went to night school and got a paper that said, “This person is a computer programmer.” The “programmer” then set up a website full of glitches that sent the user in circles without accomplishing anything. Any problem was automatically called “user error” or “data entry error”

This school’s site, however, was seamless and simple to use. We looked at our schedules and, amazingly they were identical!

“Wow,” I said, “that can’t be a coincidence.”

“No, said Amie. Probably my dad’s doing.”

“Your dad is amazing,” I said.

“I know. I realize that more every day.”

Suddenly, both laptops beeped. A message popped up, “Any students wishing to have brunch can proceed to the cafeteria. If you have special dietary requirements which you have not yet communicated to the school, please see Miss Winston in the office adjacent to the cafeteria.”

Amie and I looked at each other. “Let’s eat!” we said in unison.

The cafeteria was not hard to find. When we got there, we found almost anything a person could want for brunch. If you didn’t find something to your liking, a cook was standing by ready to fix whatever you could want (within reason). Amie and I piled our plates with bacon, eggs, and fruit. There was plenty whole milk to wash it down. Diet? All that was to us was the word “die” with a “t” added. We were growing girls, and we wanted lots of fat to grow us in the right places. My breasts were growing so fast I could almost see the difference daily. If Amie’s breasts grew any more, I figured she would fall forward. She wouldn’t fall on her face, though. Her breasts would stop her. Her whole body was a work of art and, incredibly, she grew more beautiful daily.
We ate until we could hold no more. It seemed that the school must have hired the best cooks they could find. We left the cafeteria and headed back to our room for a nap.

But, a nap was not in the cards for us. The “man with the van” was there with all the things we thought we couldn’t live without. He was willing to unload it all, but we decided to help him so the work would go faster and we could place most things in places that would be more convenient for us when we started sorting them out. When we got everything in our room, it was not as large as it had seemed before. We began the process of prioritizing our possessions. Some of the things we thought we needed so badly now became clutter, and back to the van they went. Curtis (the “van man”) didn’t mind. I’m sure he was very well paid. When we were done, he headed back to Houston with the van more than half full.

By this time, we were past needing a nap. We began sorting out what now were the “bare necessities”. Most people would be amazed at the amount of clothing, shoes, underwear, trinkets, toys, keepsakes, pictures, etc. that we found indispensable. As we sorted, we found creative ways to place items to make the most efficient use of space. When we were done, we had a beautifully decorated dorm room with plenty of space. We also each had a spacious study area. These areas were the most important because study was the whole purpose of our being there. We realized that, unlike when we were in public school, we were not the smartest kids in school…at least, not yet. We didn’t know what kind of competition we were up against, but we knew that some of the other students were as smart or smarter than we were. We had a challenge ahead, just how much of a challenge we did not yet know. This could have been scary, but I found it more exciting. Amie didn’t seem worried a bit. I knew she was smart, but I didn’t know how smart. If there was any lacking in her intelligence, (which was doubtful) she made up for it in confidence.

At 5 pm, a message came across the laptops offering dinner. We went down and had a light dinner, then went back to our room to put the finishing touches on our decorating. At 8 pm, we decided to turn in and get a good night’s sleep so we could face whatever challenges awaited us on our first day of classes. Our room had twin beds with a window between them. We decided to ask the next day if we could have a double bed, saying it would take up less room. If someone suspected we had some other reason…OK. Suspect away! If they think we’re lesbians or something like that, they could just get over it.

I lay down and closed my eyes and wondered how long it would take me to go to sleep. I opened my eyes again and the room was bright. Had Amie turned on the light? No…it was light outside, too. I looked at the clock and it was 6:45 am. Wow, I thought. I slept fast! Today was the day we find out what private school is all about. It was like starting a new chapter in our lives. I looked at Amie’s bed. It was empty. She was already in the bathroom getting ready. One decision was already made for us. What to wear. I had to admit, the uniforms were a time saver. Breakfast was from 7 am to 7:45 am. First class was at 8 am. Our first class was math. Classes were 1 hour 10 minutes, with a 10-minute break between classes. An interesting aspect of our schedule was that Physical Education was our last class. This would enable us to go back to our dorm room to shower, affording us more privacy. Once again, we saw our parents’ influence on our schedule.

In the public schools, the emphasis recently was on a heavy homework schedule. My mom suspected that the purpose of this development was to push job of teaching the important things (the 3 R’s) off onto the parents, so that the teachers could concentrate on the politically correct issues, such as gender equality, gay rights, and transgender rights (ha…imagine that!). The problem with this is those students whose parents have little education or those parents who don’t realize that the teaching job has been assigned to them are less likely to be involved in their children’s education, thus perpetuating an inferior education for the poor.

In our new private school, classes were intense learning sessions and homework was assigned to ascertain that the students were learning. Those not keeping up with the class were given special attention to get them up to speed because, once allowed to get behind too far, it was almost impossible to catch up. This special attention was also intense. The parents are called and made aware of the situation because a child must be brought up to speed or ultimately the child must be held back a grade. This is looked down upon in the public schools, but in a private school there is the issue of tuition.

Generally, a parent doesn’t want to pay tuition twice for the same grade level. Summer classes with reduced tuition are made available to try to keep the student from having to repeat a grade.

This type of remedial work is rare, however, because the students admitted to the school are generally well above average academically.

The intense nature of the teaching in the classroom left little time for the little distractions so common in public schools such as note passing and chit chat. The fact that the school was for girls only eliminated competition for boyfriends or girlfriends, at least for heterosexual relationships. There was, or course, a thriving community of relationships that the school did their best to ignore. Some were just relationships among girls who had occasional spats, some were lesbians who had breakups and other problems similar to heterosexual relationships.

Still, the school seemed to function well and turned out well-educated young women.

Math class was mostly review. Second period was history, where I was thankful for my eidetic memory because the textbook was so incredibly boring. The teacher’s lecture did make it come to life a little, but I tucked away all the textbook information in preparation for the tests to come.

English was a breeze because grammar is mostly rules. Rules are something at which I excel. I guess I inherited that ability from my attorney mom. Even the exceptions to the rules were easy because an exception to a rule is essentially another rule.
My memory would carry me through Spanish, also. That left Physical Education. I loved volleyball. All other sports I hated with a passion. I would have to do a good acting job to make an “A” in PE.

All this going on academically left little time to think about one really important aspect of my life; the fact that I was transitioning from male to female. That fact came to mind with less frequency as time passed. I felt that it wouldn’t be long before the idea would be a relic of the past that would be of questionable validity. In could see myself in the future wondering, “Is it possible that I was actually a boy at some time in my life? I think I remember having a tiny penis. Maybe that was a dream…or a nightmare. I can’t see myself as a man. That’s such an odd concept.” Maybe at some point in the future, I could be hypnotized to forget that I was born with such a repulsive appendage.

Being the first day, PE class was spent getting fitted for shorts and tops. Most of the time was spent sitting around chatting. I sat in a corner. I just didn’t feel like chatting. Amie, of course, introduced herself to several others who she thought might make worthy allies. They would, or course, be OUR allies. Amie saw me sitting alone and realized I was happy having “alone” time. I would meet the new friends in due time. I was happy that she recognized my need to be alone, and I appreciated her taking the responsibility of making friends for both of us.

My “alone” time was very important to me. If it was quiet, that was even better. Sometimes, a television or radio playing would get to be too much. If I had the controls, I would mute it. I found the ensuing silence beautiful.

I thought about just leaving and going to the dorm, but it was a little early to start making waves. I wouldn’t mind, but it would affect Amie also. At some point, we had set our individual selves aside and become a team. That was fine with me. It seemed to make everything easier. She filled in a place in my life where something was missing and, I guess, I provided something she needed. I wasn’t sure what that was, but I was happy with the arrangement and she seemed to be also.

I noticed that Amie was being measured for P.E. clothes. She waved for me to come over, and asked that I be measured right away because we were roommates and needed to both get our room in order. We were quickly measured and dismissed. We headed back to the dorm. We felt too tired to review the day’s classwork, but once we got to our room, showered, and relaxed a little, we both felt better and we quickly reviewed our classwork.

We finally lay down to sleep, and after a few seconds, Amie’s voice broke through the dark. “You wouldn’t believe how many lesbians attend this school!”

I was incredulous. “What? How did you find that out so fast?”

“Oh..I had my ‘gaydar’ out. A little suggestive chit chat and out they come.”

“’Gaydar’ huh? I don’t think I have that.”

‘You will”, she assured me. “Just give it time.”

I smiled in the dark, then drifted off to sleep.

Each student had been issued a name tag with her first name in large black lettering. We were told that the tags were to be worn as part of our school uniforms. On Friday, a dark-haired girl whose tag boldly proclaimed her name to be “Lauren” sat across the table from Amie and me. Lauren had an air of smugness about her. She seemed much more interested in the two of us than she was in eating lunch, and she kept staring at us … mostly at Amie. Finally, she asked, “Where ya’ll from?”

“River Oaks,” Amie answered.

“That’s in Texas?”

“Yeah, it’s a neighborhood in the center of Houston.”

“Must be an old neighborhood. Is it kinda run down?”

“No”, Amie answered after appearing to consider the question a bit, “it’s actually pretty nice.”

“Pretty nice” was a huge understatement. River Oaks was rated number one in Houston property values every year. It was not unusual at all to see a million dollar home being torn down to replaced with a bigger, much more expensive residence. My mom’s house was one of the smaller, “cheaper” houses. I remembered her telling me once that it was worth about $850,000.

Lauren kept staring. Finally, Amie said, “Your parents didn’t teach you that it’s impolite to stare?”

“You’re just so beautiful.”

“Thanks,” Amie replied.

“No one would ever guess.”

“Guess what?” Amie kept eating her lunch. She was obviously ready for this conversation to end.

“That you used to be a guy.” Lauren’s smugness was now in high gear.

I couldn’t help but giggle at the irony of this statement, but Amie smiled and held her composure.

“Damn!” You read me. “But you’re a genuine female…XY chromosomes and everything.”

Lauren looked puzzled but affirmed that, yes, she did have XY chromosomes.

“Naw, I’ll bet you don’t have XY chromosomes.”

Lauren was becoming more incensed at having her femininity challenged. “Yes, I do!”

Amie delivered the coup de grâce. “Look, dumbass: males have XY chromosomes and females have XX chromosomes. Now, don’t EVER come sit at my table and make stupidass insults again, and I won’t let the whole school know how ignorant you are. OK?”

Lauren tried to summon her smugness, but to no avail. Lauren had never had an adversary like Amie, and smugness had fled. Lauren was speechless for the rest of lunch. She would have to find a replacement for her smugness. Humility stood by, ready to for acceptance, but Lauren was too stunned to move, much less offer an apology. She sat speechless and tried to appear emotionless. She had vastly underestimated her adversary. Her only hope was that no one beside the three of us had heard the exchange.

Amie didn’t appear to be upset or angry. How could she be so cool? How could she know that Lauren was clueless about chromosomes?

At the risk of sounding trite, I will just say that Amie was a “people person”. Usually, that term implied “liking” people. It wasn’t that Amie liked people any more or less than anyone else. She “knew” people. If Sherlock Holmes had been a real person, I would swear that Amie was his reincarnation. I had watched her eyes when she met someone, her eyes darted everywhere on that person’s body before she made eye contact. This happened so quickly that no one noticed. I had to watch for it myself or I would miss it. I found her talent intriguing and it was fun to watch. She said she had “gaydar”, but it was more than that. It was like x-ray vision into the soul. I thought about the fact that her dad was a doctor and my mom was a lawyer. Amie’s talent would help make her a good doctor, but Amie as a lawyer would be a formidable foe.

As we walked to our next class, Amie seemed concerned. “Well, now that my secret is out, you probably won’t want to stay in the same dorm room with me.”

“When she looked us both over and then accused you of being a boy, I almost lost it. How did you know she didn’t know anything about chromosomes?”

“Well, someone told me that this is her first year. When they told me where she went to school last year, I knew it was a safe bet that she doesn’t know much about anything. Plus, you can look in her eyes and see that there’s not much behind them. I’ll take that back … she probably knows quite a bit about football. That’s really important, I guess, if she wants to be a coach.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet that school turns out some well-rounded students. Maybe she’ll make it as a professional cheerleader. That will be a good chance to display her intelligence.”

“…or lack of it. But she has some physical assets to make up for her lack of a well-functioning system of synapses. You might say in some areas, she’s a well-rounded person.”

“Yeah, let's drop any concerns about her. ‘Eye on the prize’. Onward to Spanish class.”

The rest of the day was uneventful, and Lauren had disappeared, but Amie’s confrontation with her had taken a lot of my energy. I couldn’t help being vicarious, especially with Amie. When my head hit the pillow that night I tossed and turned for about a second.

I was hoping lunch the next day would be uneventful, but here I was, sitting across from Lauren with Amie nowhere around. Where was she? Lauren stared a while, then she spoke, “Everyone knows about you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Everyone knows you’re a guy. Look around!”

I looked around the cafeteria. Everywhere I looked, girls were whispering to each other while stealing sideways glances at me. Anyone who saw me looking quickly averted her gaze. Some were giggling.

Lauren continued, “You’re being kicked out of school. You don’t belong here. You’re going back to your old school.”

Finally, I located Amie. But her name tag said “ANA”, and she was wearing a white coat and carrying a sword. She also appeared to have wings! She was standing near the cafeteria door next to my mom! Amie (or Ana) was saying, “Come with me, Jamie, I can help”. My mom was beaconing to me. “Come on, Jamie. It’s OK”

Amie kept insisting that she could help.”I’m beyond help now.” I thought to myself. But Amie kept insisting. “Come on Jamie! Jamie! Come on Jamie!"

“Come on where?” I tried to walk toward them, but something was keeping my legs from moving.
“Come on and WAKE UP!”

I sat up in bed. My heart was pounding. “Where’s my mom. Where are we going?”

“Going? Nowhere! Jamie calm down! You were dreaming!”

I looked into Amie’s eyes for a few seconds, then hugged her neck like I would never let go. “Oh, Amie, it was awful! It was so real!”

Amie smiled as I related the dream to her. She hugged me. “Your mom is not here. You’re not going home. As for being a boy…what the hell are you talking about? If you think you’re a boy maybe you need some counseling.”

I flopped back on my pillow. “It was just so real…it was scary! I can’t shake the feeling that my mom is here to take me home … or somewhere. What could the dream possibly mean?”

“It’s just a dream, and it doesn’t mean anything except that you’re feeling insecure. It’s 4 am, I doubt that your mom drove up here during the night. You can call her, but I would wait a while. It would scare the hell out of her to get a call at 4 am and see your number on the caller ID. You woke me up with your crying and talking. I tried to understand what you were saying, but I couldn’t make out any of it.”

“Sorry.”

“No way! I’m glad I was here! You’d be halfway to Houston with your mom if I hadn’t awakened you. I’d have to call you to come back!” She smiled.

“You name tag said ‘Ana’ … spelled with one ‘N’ … and the sword. That’s got to mean something … doesn’t it?”

“Yes. You need to work on your spelling.”

“You know, Amie, so many people have lives that suck. Then they have wonderful dreams, only to wake up to their same old sucky lives. I’m just the opposite … I have a life that’s like a dream … and dreams that suck!”

“Well, we’re both unusual people. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“Me neither, but there’s one way I’d like to be kind of normal.”

“How’s that, Jamie?”

“I like to be the kind of person that doesn’t get up at 4 am.”

“Good plan. Let’s get some rest.”

Amie turned out the light, but I lay awake thinking about my dream. I tried to imagine what the significance of the details of the dream could be. I worried that, whatever the meaning, it probably was not good. Finally, I drifted off and slept with no more dreams.

The sunrise brought our first weekend at our new school. The faculty left it mostly to the students to organize activities. Students who had car were prohibited from using them without specific instructions from the parents when and where they were allowed to travel. Still, such permission was discouraged by the school due to the many things that could go wrong.

Amie, of course, had plans for us. She had found more than enough girls interested in volleyball to have several team. There was no “choosing sides”. Amie assigned every girl to a team based on Amie’s perception of her ability. With Amie’s gift of perception, I had no doubt that the teams would be very near equal in ability.

We had a quick breakfast, went straight to the volleyball court and, of all people Lauren was there! She was contrite, “Amie, I really want to apologize for the things I said at lunch yesterday. I was angry at my parents for sending me so far from home. I guess I thought I’d take it out on you.”

“It’s OK.” Amie replied. “Where is this far away place from whence you have traveled?”

“Nederland,” she said meekly.

Amie knew the place because she had relatives nearby, I knew because I had studied the Texas map and memorized virtually all the cities, towns, rivers, lakes, and whatever Texas had to offer.

Still, Amie asked, “That’s in Texas?”

“Yes…near Beaumont.” Lauren’s eyes lit up as though just being from Texas brought her closer to friendship with Amie.

“Your dad works at a refinery.” Amie surmised.

“Yes! How did you know?”

“Your dad’s not a professional person, and most non-professionals from that area who have an appreciable amount of wealth work for a refinery. Do you know what your dad does?”

“He’s a supervisor of…something.”

“That’s OK. I’ve never met anyone who knew what their dad did if he worked in a refinery. They probably don’t want to put out a lot of information out there due to security. As for being a long way from home, doesn’t the air smell fresher here?”

“Well…it smells different.”

“My guess is you haven’t smelled fresh air in a long time. Houston air is not great, but it’s better than the air in Southeast Texas where there are so many refineries. Look, see the girls who have gathered around us as we talk? They’re ready to play volleyball. Aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I like volleyball.”

“Then, let’s play! OK, we have enough for 4 teams. First I’m going to call out the team captains names. Then I will call out everyone else’s name and tell you your captain’s name. You will line up behind your captain. OK…the captains are me, Lauren, Abby, and Kim.”

I was so glad Amie didn’t assign me to be a captain. I was equally glad to find that I was on her team. There were 3 volleyball courts, so we had plenty of room. Everyone there took the game seriously and seemed to enjoy it as much as I did. Most were very skilled as well. One thing I did realize, though. I was going to invest in a good sports bra. I had developed to a point where too much jumping was uncomfortable. Hopefully, Amie had one I could borrow, since a shopping trip was not in our plans soon. The school rules were too strict for us to take off on a shopping spree, even though we had a stylish ride available and plenty of money to spend.

The game was exhilarating. We played for more than 4 hours before some of the girls started saying they were hungry. Amie decided it was time to break. “OK. Let’s go eat and get a little rest. Whoever wants to play some more, meet back here in 3 hours.”

We had some lunch, then went to our room to rest a bit. I lay on my bed and went over the details of my dream. It had to have a meaning! It was too real, the white coat, the sword, “ANA”. The name (or word) was in all caps. “American…what?” I decided to put it out of my mind and try to relax. It seemed just a few seconds later that I heard Amie saying, “Jamie. Wake up. Let’s go play some more volleyball!”

I sat up in bed. The lunch and rest had done a lot of good. I was ready for more physical activity.

We walked to the volleyball courts. A few girls were already there and more were drifting that way. Apparently, Amie and I were not the only volleyball aficionados.

However, the competition was not as fierce as it was earlier. Many of the girls were out of shape after a summer of TV watching, online shopping, and whatever other distractions enabled the girls to remain sedentary for many of their vacation hours. After a couple of hours it became obvious that many of the girls were unable to play effectively. Amie decided to dismiss everyone. “No volleyball tomorrow. Sunday is our day of rest. “

Amie and I headed to our room to clean up before dinner.

After we showered, we lay across our beds to rest a bit. My dream was still on my mind, so I asked, “Amie, do you dream very much?”

“Not that much, but when I was younger I had a series of unusual dreams. One night, I dreamed an angel came to me and said, ‘your grandmother is going to die’. Oh, I was scared! The next morning I told my parents and they reassured me that, even though my grandmother was older, she was in pretty good health. That made me feel better, but a couple of days later my grandmother did die.”

“Oh, no!”

“Yes. My parents never mentioned my dream, but I know it was on their minds. Time passed, and they seemed to forget about my dream.

“But a few weeks later I dreamed an angel came to me and said that my grandfather was going to die. I found that they had not forgotten my dream at all. They called my grandfather to ask how he was doing. My mother started going by every day to check on him. But 2 weeks later, my grandfather died. My parents still tried to deny any link between my dreams and the deaths of my grandparents.

“But then one night, I dreamed my father died”

“Oh, Amie!”

“Well, my parents were believers by this time. My dad was very careful when he would drive or anything he would do.”

“But your dad didn’t die!”

“Well, a couple of days later, our postman collapsed on our front porch and died.”

“What? How old was…. Was it a heart attack? I don’t....”

“Jamie! Stop!”

“What?”

“It was a joke!”

“I don’t get it! What part of it is a joke?”

“Amie…it’s all a joke. My mom and the postman? Get it?”

I paused…slowly I began to ‘get’ the joke. I smiled.

“Jamie, I have a theory.”

“About what?”

“The brain, intelligence, and common sense.”

“Ok , Amie. This has got to be good!”

“You know it used to be said that we only use 10% of our brains, but now that is no longer accepted by science. The concept has been now relegated to the status of “urban myth. Scientists say we actually use 100% of our brains.”

“OK.”

“I think it’s probably true that we use 100% of our brains, but most people use a small percentage...say 10%... of their brains for formal learning…math and the like. But the rest of the brain is used for really difficult tasks. Those tasks are things we take for granted like socializing, understanding people and empathizing. We don’t’ realize how difficult these things are because so much of the brain is dedicated to these tasks…for most people.”

“OK, Amie. I want to hear about the “not most” people.”

“Well, I can name one of them and she’s in this room right now! But you probably can’t imagine about whom I’m talking.”

“Uh…let me think…I’ll bet it’s either you or me.”

“It’s you! Your IQ is unbelievable. And your eidetic memory has got to use up a lot of resources. Yet, you have a hard time understanding people. You’re kind of like John Nash, the guy who was the subject of the movie, “A Beautiful Mind”.

“Wow! But I don’t have imaginary friends!”

“Well … I might not be real.”

“Amie, you are almost too good to be true, but an imaginary friend would not drive me around in a Corvette, at least I hope not. Also, an imaginary friend would not arrange volleyball games.”

“OK. I guess I’m real, but don’t you think my theory makes sense?”

“Yes, except there’s one person who seems to be the exception.”

“Who’s that?”

“Who do you think? You! I know your IQ is in the genius range, yet you have amazing social skills!”

“Well, I guess it’s ironic that my theory doesn’t work on me.”

“Still, it might be good for a doctoral thesis someday.”

“Right! Hey, wanna eat? Don’t look at me like that! ... dinner I mean. Maybe Lauren will be there to grovel some more. I’m sorry. That was mean. I’m sure she’s an OK person. She could probably be a good friend. Not to me, of course. Damn! I can’t stop saying mean things about her. I really need to because I think she would make a good friend. She’s kind of needy though. ”

Sunday dawned dark and rainy. It was just the kind of weather I love. Amie had already left, probably for breakfast. I decided to sit in bed and surf the web. I clicked through pages of hyperbole. It’s amazing the tales that people tell when there is no accountability and little censorship. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I feel most people can discern for themselves what is believable.

I came upon a story about a Palestinian who walked into a Jewish market with a bomb strapped to his body under his clothing. A photo caught the chaotic aftermath of the resulting explosion. In the bottom right of the photo, a little girl of about 3 or 4 years of age looked helplessly at the camera. Her eyes showed her confusion about what was happening. I looked for a long time at her eyes. She seemed to say, “Where is my mommy? Why is everybody yelling all of a sudden?”

My heart filled with compassion for the child. I thought about the security and comfort of my own life contrasted with the life of this child and millions of other children and adults living daily with the specter of violence. I felt the tears begin to run down my cheeks. I set my laptop aside and put my face into my pillow and began to weep. I was overwhelmed by the unfairness of the evil thrust upon this child and so many others. I felt helpless. I thought of the cruel reality of the term, “Life’s not fair.”

I was beginning to regain my composure when Amie walked in the door with a tray. “Breakfast!” She stopped suddenly. “Jamie! What’s wrong?”

I didn’t trust myself to try to speak, so I pointed to the face of the little girl on my computer screen.

Amie looked at the child’s face several seconds, then turned to me. “Jamie, you are the sweetest, most tender-hearted person I’ve ever met. That’s one reason I love you so much.”

“Amie, there’s just so much pain in the world…unnecessary pain. I believe in God because I see His work, but I also believe in Satan, because I see his work. Some of those doing the work of Satan claim to be doing God’s work!”

“Well, Jamie, you can’t bear the world’s burdens. You can just be a good person, and you are a very good person.”

“Amie, I sometimes wish I could be a little less caring because it hurts. The breakfast you brought me here is probably more food than that little girl eats in a week. The rulers of some of those countries overseas live in castles and have servants or slaves, and they let their people starve. I can’t help but believe that such selfishness will someday, some way be punished.”

Amie looked at me and paused a second, then quoted, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”

“Oh, my God! Who are you and what have you done with Amie?”
“I’ve read the bible too, Jamie. I just don’t have the whole thing in my head. I just keep certain key verses handy.”

“That’s a good one, but I certainly don’t plan on vengeance against anyone.”

The rain had been steady, but it began to pour. The roads were beginning to flood. “Wow! That’s beautiful! Amie, I can’t help it. I just love this kind of weather.”

“I like it, too. You can lie in bed and read or work on the computer without being tempted to go outside.”

“Good idea. Let’s knock out our homework.”

Homework didn’t take long. We assumed it would increase as the school year progressed. After that, we read and surfed the web just the way God intended that we spend a rainy Sunday. We rested up for another week of our lives of privilege and opulence.

The school year continued slowly. October came, bringing cool fronts that brought first rain, then a break from the hot weather. The hot weather would then return and the cycle would repeat, with each front growing colder and lasting longer. By the end of October, fall was truly here, fully a month late. That’s central Texas weather. The cool air was invigorating, and it brought new energy to our weekend volleyball games. Sometimes, we would continue playing in the rain.

The schoolwork was a breeze for Amie and me. Most of the other girls were somewhat above average intelligence, but there were some who were really bright. The difference from the public school was the lack of disciplinary problems. There were a few incidents, but parents were paying dearly for tuition, and the teachers would not hesitate to report any problems to the people paying their salary. Any situation which could not be resolved by the school staff could be handled by a call to the parents. Parents would not abide a child refusing to learn when the price of that learning was so dear.

Amie and I vowed to get the most for our parents’ money. The teachers and staff grew to trust us so much we could have gotten away with just about anything. Trust, however, is easy to break, but not easily repaired.

I was in the dorm room. I wasn’t sure where Amie had gone. I stood and looked into the mirror. “You were on your way to becoming a man. Amie saved you.” I wondered if my voice would be changing now if I hadn’t been taking hormones for months. My pixie haircut had grown out I needed to get it cut again or styled. I pulled my hair back and put a clip in it. My breasts loved the hormones and responded nicely. My hips and legs were developing to give me a nice, feminine figure. What if I hadn’t met Amie? Talk about a close call! I could have been the sullen, lonesome teenaged boy I had been…only taller with a deep voice, hairy arms, and pimples.

As if summoned by my thoughts, Amie came through the door and saw me at the mirror. “Yeah, if I were that beautiful, I would look in the mirror, too!”

I turned and went to her and hugged her. “Thank you, Amie!”

She didn’t have to ask why I was thanking her. She just said, “Wow! I can see you’re not second guessing your changes.”

“No, I was thinking about how close I came to a disastrous future.”

“You know, you make me happy, too. Seeing you develop so beautifully is a joy, but I have news.”

“Good news?”

“Very good! Your mom and my dad both called the school and got approval for us to have an extended Christmas holiday so we can go to Thailand!”

“Oh, I can only think of one reason for us to go to Thailand.”

“Right. You don’t have to wait until you’re 18 for an operation. Your mom was so sure of your wishes that she felt it would be ok to arrange this, but you need to call her and confirm how you feel about it.”

I wasted no time calling my mom. She was going, but might have to come back early for work, of course. Both of Amie’s parents were going. I had two months until I got my “birth defect” corrected. It would be difficult to concentrate on school work now. But we both vowed not to let circumstances affect our education.

But it would be the longest few weeks of my life.

December brought the Christmas holiday. We decided to drive home in the Corvette. We could fly back to school in January. We had to fly out of Houston the next day heading to Thailand. It felt so good to get home! Our parents had first class tickets for everyone. Amie told me later that the tickets were about $80,000 each. I was stunned. Our bags were packed also, so we really didn’t have a lot to do. That was good because we needed rest.

We took a shuttle to Bush Intercontinental Airport the next day. We got out bags checked in and went to wait at our departure gate. There were dozens of planes at arriving and departing at different gates. I got tired of waiting and sat down and closed my eyes. I was awakened by Amie. “Oh my God, Jamie look at our plane,” I stood up quickly and looked at the huge jet pulling into the gate. It was an “All Nippon Airways” jet. It was all white and blue with bold letters on the side and tail: “ANA”. I stood with my mouth opened, then turned to Amie. She was grinning. “Your dream is coming true.” I had to sit back down. My mind was racing. I had never heard of “All Nippon Airways” before. Yet, in my dream, Amie was wearing a white smock with the letters “AMA” on the nametag. Was my dream a prediction? What good is a prediction if you can’t interpret it? Maybe it was a warning? Were we going to crash? I was in a daze. My mom was heading to the gate and noticed I wasn’t following. She turned and beaconed, “Come on, Jamie. It’s OK.” Her exact words from my dream! She walked back and took my hand and pulled me through the boarding process.

***NOTE TO READERS IF YOU HAVEN’T READ ABOUT “THE DREAM”, READ “AMIE AND JAMIE – CHAPTER 5 – LAUREN”.

“Jamie honey, what’s the matter?” my mom questioned me as she pulled. All I could do was look at her blankly. A pretty Asian woman greeted everyone getting on the plane. I vaguely remember her saying, “Welcome to All Nippon Airways”, but pausing to look at me as if she knew me from somewhere, but couldn’t recall where. The atmosphere changed when I got into the plane. It was cooler, and there was some kind of “hissing” sound. First class was definitely that. They seemed eager to make sure we got our $80,000 worth. I heard Amie tell the flight attendant that she was cold. The attendant almost ran to get something to keep Amie warm. I was seated next to my mom and we were in the air and “free to move about the cabin” before I finally regained my composure enough to tell her about my dream.

“It’s all a lot to take in,” my mom declared after hearing the details of my dream. “First, I find out I have a daughter instead of a son…and believe me, Jamie, I’m thrilled about that…now I find out she’s psychic.”

“Mom, it’s just one dream, but it is a little spooky.”

I was turned to the left, looking at my mom and a voice to my right said. “Hello, ladies! I told them I was cold and look what they brought me.” It was Amie. She was wearing a white smock with the letters “ANA” on the front.

I put my head in my hands. “OK. This is just too much. At least you don’t have a sword.”

She put her hands into the pocket of the smock. “Well, don’t you believe the pen is mightier than the sword?” She pulled her right hand out of the pocket and produced a ball-point pen. The top half of the pen was shiny silver and shaped much like a sword.

My jaw dropped. In a stage whisper, Amie said, “Jamie! If you keep doing that, people are gonna think you’re a ‘mouth breather’”!

I clamped my mouth shut and turned to my mom. “Mom, I don’t need to go to college if I’m gonna be a psychic.”

“Tell you what,” my mom replied, “finish high school, college, then law school or maybe medical school. If you still prefer being a psychic you can give ‘readings’… or whatever they do…out of the house.”

I smiled. “This is gonna be fun.” They both knew I wasn’t serious.

Amie went back to her seat and I lay back and put on the ear buds to listen to music. The song, “Morning has Broken”, by Cat Stevens was just beginning. I braced myself for what was to come. Soon, I heard:

Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden,
Sprung in completeness where His feet pass.

The tears began to flow. My mom touched my hand. “Jamie?”.

I tried to explain, “Mom, it’s just so…” but my voice broke. I pointed at my ear bud and she nodded her head. She understood me and my music. I was listening to what I consider the most touching version of one of the most beautiful songs ever written. I thought about Cat Stevens becoming a Muslim a few years later. Then the face of the little girl on the website about the bombing came back to me. Tears began to flow uncontrollably. My mom handed me a napkin, which soon became soaked and had to be replaced. I thought to myself, “Yeah…you wouldn’t have made much of a man like this.” Men can cry, of course, but they better have a damn good reason or it just looks weird. Can you see a man weeping and saying, “Oh goodness…this song is so beautiful.”? See what I mean?

I watched the graphic depiction of our flight path on the screen. The plane crept slowly toward the northeast. I assumed the pilot knew the way, but it looked like we were headed for New York. We had been in the air less than a couple of hours, but it seemed longer. The total trip was almost 20 hours. The hormones I was taking provided some extra padding and made prolonged sitting less uncomfortable. I wished I could sleep, but I was never one who could fall asleep just anywhere. I certainly couldn’t sleep in a pressurized cabin miles in the air with dozens of strangers.

My mom had pulled out some of her legal papers to work on. I watched her, but carefully avoided distracting her. She read a little, frowned, highlighted some text, then continued to read. She was a smart attorney, no doubt. I once told her I must have inherited my brains from her. She said my dad was brilliant and worked as a chemical engineer, but he let drugs and alcohol take it away.

I realized that the longer I had to think, the more my thinking would drift into unpleasant memories. I asked Amie to ask her dad if he had something to help me sleep. She went and whispered something to her dad and came back with a tiny white tablet. My body was usually resistant to such medications, but I took the pill and laid my head back to see if I could at least relax if not sleep. I tried to visualize the medicine coursing through my bloodstream, relaxing my mind and body. Suddenly, the whistling sound in the cabin changed to a lower pitch. Were we losing altitude in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean? I looked up at my mom to ask what was happening. Then the flight attendant clicked the microphone, “We are beginning our descent toward Phuket International Airport. Please return to your seats and fasten your safety belts. The temperature on the ground is 73 degrees Fahrenheit with light rain.” I had been asleep for hours! The trip was over! Wonderful! I made a mental note to thank Amie’s dad for the pill, but he was busy right now handling ticket, passports, etc. Mom was looking at me and smiling, “I was watching you sleep and talking to God, thanking Him for giving me such a brilliant, beautiful child. Jamie, I love you more than life. I never want to take you for granted. I know that life can never be perfect, but I want your life to be as happy and fulfilling as possible.”

I held her arm and rested my head on her shoulder. “Mom, God has blessed me with people who love me and understand me. To wish for more would just be selfish of me.”

I looked out the window and still could on only see dark. The flight attendant was saying it was almost 8 pm local time. I thought about Thailand. I had seen “Brokedown Palace”, about two girls framed and arrested for drug possession in Thailand, and I had no desire to go sightseeing or any other tourist activity. I was here to get some unnecessary parts of my body removed and leave them here for the Thai doctor to do with as he saw fit. He could dissect them, discard them, or maybe donate them to some poor boy who was born in the body of a girl. I thought that was unlikely and wasn’t sure if it was even possible. I just knew that once I was rid of that tissue, I would feel 10 lbs. lighter…even if it was only 10 oz. or tissue. I would be able to wear pants so tight that they looked like they were painted on. I doubted that I would, but there would be no worry about a bulge that didn’t belong.

Since Amie’s dad’s reputation as a physician preceded him, the local surgeon had invited us to be guests at his home. I wondered how large his home was; since I was pretty sure the homes in Thailand were not as large as American homes, and certainly not as large as Dr. Adam’s home, or even my mom’s. But this doctor specialized in this surgery, had a lot of American patients, and probably made a very good living.

As we got off the plane we walked into the airport and there stood the doctor himself. He held up a sign that said “Amie and Jamie”. Amie and I smile and looked at each other. I’m sure our parents told him to write that. Dr. Adams did not offer to shake hands, but placed his open palms in front of his chest and bowed deeply. Dr. “Chet” did the same but bowed even deeper. He welcomed us in perfect English. That made me feel better. Maybe it’s silly of me, but when someone speaks with a foreign accent, I’m just not sure the precise meaning of what I’m saying is getting through to that person. He pronounced his name for us but insisted that we call him “Dr. Chet” since very few American could pronounce his full name. After everyone was properly greeted, we walked out the airport door where a driver waited in a van. We all climbed into the van, with the doctors in the very back where they could discuss their common interests undisturbed. Dr. Chet probably didn’t often get to meet a distinguished American doctor and wanted to glean any and all information he possibly could in a short amount of time. Dr. Adams looked pleased to have a colleague to talk to after such a long, tedious trip. The two of them talked like they were buddies meeting after a long separation. The van driver waited and soon, several of the doctor’s employees brought our bags and placed them into the back of the van. Mrs. Adams counted the bags and nodded to indicate that everything was there. The driver put the van in gear and started toward our destination.

The van ride was short. The doctor’s home and office were in the same building, and it was quite large by Thai standards. He had two large rooms set aside for us. He apologized…unnecessarily…for the accommodations. It was really nice and comfortable. Both doctors took off their shoes and left them outside the door and the rest of us followed suit.

Even though it was late, Dr. Chet and Dr. Adams decided to give me an examination. They brought me and my mom into an exam room. I quickly stripped, put on a gown and got into the stirrups. This was definitely not the U. S. because I was allowed to change into my own pale pink baby doll outfit…sans panties. My mom looked out the door and motioned for the doctors to come back. I think they were somewhat taken aback by my lack of shyness about the situation.

The doctors examined me extensively. Dr. Adams explained various aspects of the work he had previously done. Some of this I understood…some not.

After the exam, our host said dinner was ready. Everyone left me in the exam room, and Amie returned with her dinner…a hamburger! My dinner was chicken broth. We ate and chatted until a nurse came in with an injection for me…something to make me sleep. Amie kissed me goodnight and left. I lay in the dark and tossed and turned for about a second.

Someone turned on the hall light and opened the door. Today was the day and everyone seemed ready to get started. After a couple of injections, I was numb enough below the waist for anyone with a task to perform there to perform that task with no discomfort for me. After the initial prepping, it was time for the general anesthetic. A nurse held a clear plastic mask on my face and told me to breathe deeply. I took a deep breath. Then I heard Amie whisper, “Jamie”, as she gently kissed my face.

I reached up and touched her cheek, “Night-night, sweet lover,” I mumbled.

“Night-night? You’ve been asleep for hours! How long you wanna sleep?”

I was in disbelief. “It’s over? No way!”

“Yes, it’s over. The doctors are in the next room patting each other on the back for their beautiful work!”

“Oh, Amie! I’m so happy!” I’m sure tears would have come to my eyes had I not be so sedated. “Mom!” I grabbed my mom’s neck and hugged tightly.

Mom smiled, “Just a few days and we can go home.”

“I wanna go home now!”

Amie spoke up, “Yeah…I’d like to see you try to even get up…not really…you don’t want to damage your new equipment! You’ll be getting heavy doses of pain killers and antibiotics for a while…then, the unveiling of your new vagina!”

“Amie, do you have to be so graphic?”

“Yep! That’s my Jamie…even under the influence of drugs…always a proper lady!”

“So it’s all done…no more excess material down there?”

“Right! When you heal, you’ll have a perfect vagina to go with your perfectly beautiful female body.”

“I’ll never be able to fully thank everyone who helped me. I’m so deeply in debt I’ll never get out.”

“I don’t need thanks,” my mom asserted. “I guess I’m also in debt to Amie and her parents. Thanks to them, I have a beautiful, happy daughter.”

Amie touched my hand, “You can thank me by being happy and enjoying your new body and your new life. Also, I want us to be friends forever. I’ve never met anyone so sweet and gentle, and I never want to lose you.”

“Well, if I go missing you better come looking for me. What happens now…do I lie here until I’m able to go home?”
Mom shrugged her shoulders. “I guess so. We have your laptop. I don’t think web surfing is too strenuous.”

I thought for a few seconds. “Remember the story about the 5 blind men and the elephant? Each had a different opinion of what the elephant was like based on what part of the elephant they touched. If someone asks me about Thailand, I’ll say, ‘Thailand is like a clean, white ceiling’. That’s about all I’ll see...or care to see. I have nothing against Thailand, but I’ve been homesick since we left the ground in Houston.”

Mom nodded, “I agree. The minute the doctors hint that you’re able to travel, we’ll be headed home.”

Amie smiled, “That apple didn’t fall from the tree.”

I explained, “You know what a Texan says when he’s been somewhere he doesn’t want to visit again? ‘I didn’t leave anything there.’ Well, I’m leaving something here…but it’s not something I’ll ever want to come back for.”

The doctors came into the room. Both were smiling. Dr. Adams spoke, “Well, the patient is going to live.”

“What a relief”, I responded. “The question is, ‘how long does the patient have to live away from home?’”

“You should be able to travel in a matter of days. You may not miss any school at all.” Dr. Adams seemed almost as eager to get home as my mom and me. “Dr. Chet will be coming to Texas for a visit in few weeks. I warned him that once he sees Texas, he might never want to leave.”

“Thank you, Dr. Chet. Thank you, Dr. Adams. The words seem inadequate.”

“You’re welcome, sweet girl. I hope I get to see you when I come to Texas.”

“I’ll make sure of it.” I knew when Dr. Adams said that…I knew I would see Dr. Chet again.

Dr. Adams continued, ”Dr. Chet and I are going to see his patients; Dr. Chet’s wife is going to take the ladies to town for shopping. Jamie, you can get on your laptop or rest. Someone will check on you frequently. OK?”

“OK. Thanks again to both you. Bye now.”

Everyone left the room except Amie. “Want me to stay? There’s nothing out there I want to buy.”

“Go ahead. I’ll be fine.”

“OK. Get some rest and do some healing. Bye.” She kissed me on the lips…a real kiss.

“I’m afraid the top half of me is all that’s available right now. But I think that in a few weeks I’m gonna have the other half…and It’s gonna be good.”

“Yes. Very good. Rest now, sweetie.” She kissed me again and left to go shopping for stuff she neither wanted nor needed.

I was alone…staring at the clean, white ceiling. I thought about getting on the web, but felt relaxed and content to just lie there and let my eyes close and think about was would be happening in the next few days…the next few weeks. Suddenly, I thought of my dad. He didn’t know that he no longer had a son. I wanted him to know. I wanted him to realize that I would not be stumbling in his footsteps. The bad memories dissipated and I remembered the few times my dad smiled at me or held me. He was not soft like my mom, but hard and strong. Once I hit him on the arm just to see how hard it was. It was like hitting a wall. He just looked at me and said, “Be still”. Now, I felt a twinge of pity for him. Where was he? Was he even alive? Maybe it was better that I didn’t know. I visualized him lying in an alley with an empty whiskey bottle in his hand. Even he didn’t deserve that. I wanted to see him. I wanted him to tell me I’m pretty. I wondered about the likelihood of that. I realized how little I knew about him. His reaction to me could be anywhere from complete acceptance to a scene requiring police intervention. I whispered a short prayer for my dad. I asked God to let me see him again. I decided to tell my mom how I felt. I hoped I could tell her without hurting her feelings.

Various nerves below my waist began sending signals to my brain that they were waking up. I smiled when I thought about nerves waking up confused about everything down there being rearranged. I could imagine them talking among themselves about the missing parts and wondering what the new cavern was for. Maybe some of them would say they heard rumors about 2 new mountains growing up north. The estrogens would say, “It’s true. The mountains are part of our work. We were introduced into the body just in time. The testosterones were preparing to do some major damage, but the blockers came in with us and decimated them. While you nerves slept, a big knife came in and destroyed the system that was supplying new testosterones, and made the rest of these changes. We must continue our work. Generally, our job is fat and hair distribution. We differentiate the body from a body damaged by testosterone. We also prepare the body for caring for a child. Unfortunately, this body is missing some of the equipment required for conception and childbearing, but that is not our concern.” Also present were some burly armed guards…the antibiotics. They stood ready to kill on sight any infection and allow the body to naturally heal. I would say the drugs were bringing on such thoughts, but I could think some pretty silly things without any drugs.

A nurse came to check on me. I told her I thought I needed something for pain. She injected medicine into the tube running to my arm. It didn’t take long for the relaxed feeling to come back. I thought to myself, “This is why people get addicted to drugs.” I vowed to never become an addict. The nerves went back to sleep while the hormones and antibiotics continued their work.

I couldn’t sleep, however. I grabbed my laptop and arranged it best I could to work from a horizontal position. I decided to go shopping myself…more like window shopping. Get it…”windows shopping”? Very funny…I know.

The first thing I did was change my desktop picture. It still had the topless photo of Amie that she had put on it. I made sure to save the photo, then changed the desktop to just a plain blue background.

I went to Victoria’s Secret and Zappos. I was looking for tight fitting pants, jeans, shorts, Capri’s, etc. I wanted to show off my new body. No more bulges except where bulges were supposed to be. I thought about buying something so tight it looked like it was painted on, but then realized how trashy that would look. I needed something tight enough to show that I was a female without telling the world that I was a slut. It really didn’t matter right now. Like I said, I was only window shopping. Then, I realized that when Mrs. Adams, Amie, and my mom came back from shopping, I would probably have more clothes than I could wear in a year or two. They would not be shopping for themselves. I would probably be the topic of their conversation and the object of the entire shopping trip. Maybe a few trinkets for themselves, but mostly, “Oh, Jamie would be precious in this.” There was nothing I could do about it. I just had to be appreciative, and I was sure that most of their purchases would be adorable.

I switched my web surfing to colleges. It wouldn’t be all that long until both Amie and I would need to start making career decisions and basing our college choice on those decisions. The thought of Amie and me going to different colleges was dreadful. I didn’t think I could stand it. Maybe Amie and I needed some time apart? Oh…hell no! We had to go to the same college even if I had to major in basket weaving or candle making.

What about after college? She had hinted that we would always be together, but things happen…people change. Laws had recently been changed so that we could be married as two females. I couldn’t see myself asking her to marry me. That just wasn’t how we were. No, that decision would have to come from her. I was sure my mom would have no problem with it but wasn’t sure about Amie’s parents. They would want grandchildren, and such wonderful people should have grandchildren. So Amie would have to do the childbearing. Maybe we could get some Einstein quality sperm from a sperm bank. Now I realized I was getting ahead of myself. I was still in Thailand staring at the clean, white ceiling.

I wandered aimlessly around the web…took some quizzes, looked at news. There was no good news, of course, so I started looking at some of the photos I had on my computer. There were very few new photos, and I realized I needed to get my digital camera out and start taking photos again. Of course, every photo had to go through Photoshop before it could be printed or put up on the web. Every photo needed some kind of work. Some just need lighting or color adjustments. Others needed unwanted people or objects removed. I looked at my photos and found one of Amie I could work on. She couldn’t be made any more beautiful, of course, so I did whatever adjustments I could think of. Then, it occurred to me to put her face on some of the outfits I had looked at earlier. It didn’t matter what outfit I chose, Amie looked good in anything. Of course, she looked good in nothing also, but I steered clear of anything like that. It just seemed disrespectful.

I shut down the laptop and closed my eyes. I was tired. Major surgery puts a lot of stress on the body. I let myself drift off to sleep.

I was awakened by the ladies returning from their shopping trip. I was right about their purchases. They showed me a few of the things they had bought for me. I had to admit, they were beautiful. They asked me how I felt. I got the impression they thought I would be well down the road to recovery. It’s true; I would have gone home immediately if someone would be willing to carry me to a plane. Dr. Adams could give me a knockout pill again and I would be home in Texas in what would seem like a matter of minutes.

As if they heard my thoughts from another room, both doctors came into my room. Dr. Adams floored us with, “How about we all go home tomorrow?”

I did my “mouth breather” impersonation again. Amie gave me a look of disapproval and I shut my mouth quickly. “Really”, I asked, “how?”

“I’ve arranged with an old friend to borrow his private jet. It’s on its way over here now. It will be equipped with all the equipment needed to transport you home. It will be just the 5 of us, 2 pilots, and 2 flight attendants. As much as I enjoy visiting with Dr. Chet, I need to get back to my patients and your mom needs to get back to her clients. I think if she doesn’t get back soon, a couple of them could get ‘the chair’.” He looked at my mom and smiled. She smiled and shook her head.

“I sent them legal advice”, she added. “I told them, ‘don’t sit down.’”

“Good!” said Dr. Adams. “I hope they listen to you better than some of my patients listen to me.”

I turned to Dr. Chet. “Please don’t be offended that we’re leaving so fast, but I need Texas air to heal.”

Dr. Chet shook his head. “Homesickness is real. I haven’t checked, but I’ll bet it’s listed in the medical journals. As far as I know, there’s only one cure…home.”

I lay back, “Now I won’t be able to sleep. I’m waiting on a plane.”

“It will be here very early in the morning, but I think the crew will need some rest before taking off again.”

“Dr. Adams”, I said thoughtfully, “you’re so amazing, I’ll bet if I looked up the word ‘amazing’ in the dictionary, your picture would be there.”

“Well, it’s nice to know that at least one patient thinks I’m not that bad a doctor. I’ll tell you, though; Dr. Chet is an amazing surgeon. I don’t want to get graphic, but I’ll tell you that you will benefit from his skill for the rest of your life. Rest, Jamie. Your ride is on its way. Texas is missing 5 Texans, but we won’t be missing much longer.”

I lay back again and everyone left except Amie. I thought for a little, then told her, “I can’t imagine what it’s like to have such a wonderful dad. I’ve been thinking about my dad. I want him to know he has a daughter. It just occurred to me that if he’s on drugs when I tell him, it might do something to his mind. He might not be able to process the information.”

“We’ll find him”, Amie assured me. “That will be our project when we get home. Of course, we better see what your mom has to say about it.”

“I hope it doesn’t hurt her feelings that I want to see him.”

“I don’t think it will. It’s natural that you want to see him. She may know more about where he is and what he’s doing than you think.”

I was pretty sure Amie was right. She seemed to understand a lot about such things. Once again, I had Amie to guide me about this subject. I lay back, closed my eyes and relaxed a bit while I waited for my ride.

It turned out that the person lending the private jet to Dr. Adams was not from Texas. He was a billionaire from Utah. The pilot, co-pilot and flight attendants were family and friends of the owner of the jet. It was obvious from their actions that the man put a high value on poise and character. Any airline would be glad to have these crew members as employees. They all worked for the billionaire but volunteered for this flight. When one of us asked for something, it seemed as though they knew the request was coming and were merely waiting for it to be verbalized. They actually accomplished the seemingly impossible task of providing better service than ANA. Actually, the comparison is unfair, because the ANA flight attendants had a much greater number of passengers to attend.

I was brought into the plane on a stretcher with medicine bags on hangers. I didn’t need to be knocked out on this flight. I was relaxed by the medication going directly into my veins. I lay there and watched movies with Amie. I usually watch movies vicariously. I live them. This has enabled me to have a great number of varied experiences despite my young age. I have been stuck on an elevator during a hurricane while I was pregnant. I’ve had half my family gunned down by a rival mob. I’ve had my presidential plane taken over by traitors, etc. There are at least two results of this. First, I remember movies in great detail. Second, after a movie that involves a great amount of drama, I feel exhausted from the stress. My mom says she just “watches” a movie. I think I get a lot more out of a movie than she does. If I start watching a movie that I can’t get into, I get bored and quit watching it. Even if I’ve already seen a movie and I know exact what going to happen, I still feel the suspense and the stress.

Watching movies on this flight, however, I was too drugged to get stressed. I would watch for a while, then let my eyes close for a while, open my eyes and watch Amie for a while. While I was on drugs, she would have been even more beautiful, but that wasn’t possible. I was relaxed…I was going home…I was happy. My life couldn’t be better.

Suddenly, the pilot’s intercom clicked to life. “SAFETY BELTS EVERYONE…NOW!”.

Everyone was already seated, but I heard a click from the safety belt of one of the flight attendants. There was a humming sound that got louder and higher in pitch. Time stood still for a couple of seconds … then the humming quickly increased in volume to an ear-splitting level and became a “whoosh”, and the sound began to decrease in volume and lower in pitch. The change in pitch was similar to the way a whistle of a passing train changes pitch as it passes. Our plane began spinning. We seemed to be out of control. Anything that was not fastened was thrown around the cabin. Coffee cups, paper plates, and napkins were floating through the air. The air masks dropped and were whipped around. I finally managed to grab my mask and looked at Amie. She was holding her mask to her face and was reaching to help with mine when I got it. It seemed forever that the plane spun and headed down toward the ocean.

I prayed. “Oh, God please let….”

Then…quiet. The tumbling stopped. All the flying debris fell to the floor. What happened? Were we still going down? No! We had leveled out and were flying again! No one spoke. Everyone was too shocked to talk. We waited for the pilot to speak. After several seconds, he spoke, “Ladies and gentleman, what we just experienced was a very close encounter with a commercial jet. That jet passed us on its way down and has now crashed into the ocean. Had that plane’s trajectory been just a few yards different, we would have been involved in a mid-air crash. It would have been very unlikely that anyone on either plane would have survived. Given the speed at which the plane went down, it’s unlikely that there will be survivors of that crash. We all should thank God for sparing us as well as praying for a miracle for the people on that plane, and praying for the families of those passengers. The loss of lives will certainly be great and tragic. There will be much heartbreak and sorrow. We don’t understand why those dozens of lives were lost, but God saw fit to spare the few of us on this plane. Even though we don’t understand…we should be thankful now and for the rest of our lives. Our flight will continue. We are not equipped to attempt any rescue. First responders are on their way. When we land, we will likely all be debriefed about what we heard and saw. We probably can’t provide much useful information, but the investigators will want to get any and all information they can. Please try to relax. This was an extremely unusual event. Our plane’s instrumentation shows no damage, but we will be very careful to watch for any indication of possible problems.”

Again, I prayed. Not a beautiful prayer intended for people to hear… but a message from my lips to God's ear, “ThankyouGod. ThankyouGod. ThankyouGod. ThankyouGod. ThankyouGod. ThankyouGod.” I don’t know how many times I said it, but I wanted God to know I was sincere.

In times of stress, a person can think unusual thoughts or notice things that seem trivial. I noticed that the captain referred to his passengers as “Ladies and gentleman”. He was under more stress than any of us, yet he referred to us in that manner because the people he was addressing, the passengers and flight attendants, consisted of 6 females and 1 male. Even though he, minutes ago, had the lives of nine people depending on his ability to steady a large piece of machinery which was tumbling through the air at hundreds of miles an hour, he was still in control enough to be certain that one letter in a sentence was correct, i.e.: “gentleman” with an “a” instead of the usual “gentlemen”. I couldn’t help but be in awe of anyone so cool. He didn’t learn that in flight school. He had to have been taught self-discipline from the time he was very young. I wanted to thank this man. I wanted to even see such a man. God saved us, but He used this man, giving him decades of preparation for the few seconds required for him to complete a task that very few people on earth could have handled.

The flight attendants were cleaning up the spilled cups, etc. They acted as though we had just run into a bit of bad weather. I guess the “poise” that I mentioned earlier ran deeper than I thought. They weren’t smiling, though. We had just passed within a few hundred feet of many people who were now dead. Their relatives would soon be getting phone calls from “the authorities” which would change their lives. They would be incredulous … the first stage of grieving. The press would be putting microphones in their faces, asking, “How do you feel?” and snapping pictures. I wondered if any of the pictures would include a wide-eyed child wondering where her parents were.

With that thought, my brain sent a message to my heart. My heart forwarded that message to my eyes. My eyes responded by activating the tear ducts. Since I was lying down, the tears ran back into my ears. Amie looked at me and just said, “Yeah. I know.” Did I see a tear in her eye? She could be vicious when attacked, but she was actually a sensitive person in her own way.

I lay back and thought about what I would tell the “authorities”.

Authorities: “What did you see?”

Me (making my eyes as big as I can): “I didn’t see nuffin’”.

Authorities: “What did you hear?”

Me (making my eyes as big as I can): “I didn’t hear nuffin’”.

I know they have a job to do, but I don’t like bureaucrats, and would relish a chance to piss one off. I get the word “nuffin” from … where else … a movie! Gone with the Wind, “I don’t know nuffin’ about birfin’ no babies!”

I smiled at the thought of a frustrated, angry bureaucrat. I lay back, closed my eyes and waited for the confrontation.

My name is Adam Jackson Harris. Everybody calls me A. J. I don’t think a lot of them know my real name ... or forgot it. I’m in the 10th grade, and my life is pretty boring … school, eat, sleep, but girls like me and I love them! Nothing exciting ever happened to me until I went on a cruise with my mom and dad during Christmas break.

It was the first time I had ever been on a cruise. We flew to Florida heading to The Bahamas. We sailed at night, so by the next morning we were well out into the Atlantic. We awoke that first morning to see the most beautiful blue water I have ever seen. I live on the Gulf Coast of Texas, and the water in the Gulf of Mexico is brown. The Atlantic Ocean is just awesome.

The cruise was awesome. You see food … you eat it … all you want. I must have eaten 20 ice cream cones the first day. There were four or five pools of different sizes on the ship and a water slide! Plus, there were beautiful girls everywhere. I wished I could live on that ship.

On the second full day at sea, I was standing on the deck admiring the blue ocean water when I saw a giant explosion over the water. It was like a giant fireball high in the sky. I don’t know how far away it was, but it took about 3 or 4 seconds for the sound to reach us. People around me saw it, too. They were watching in amazement and wondering what it was.

Then, a voice came over the ships intercom telling everyone to take cover right away. They said that there was an explosion and there might be some shrapnel falling out of the sky. I stepped back into a door just behind me and actually heard something hitting our ship.

I saw a small object hit the deck and slide, landing on the other side of the door. I opened the door just enough to pick it up. It was an old ball point pen. The top part of the pen was flat and was made of silver colored plastic. I put it in my pocket.

After a few minutes, we were told to go to our cabins right away. I met my parents there. A cruise employee came on the T.V. in our cabin. He said that there had been a collision of two aircraft and we should stay in our cabins. He apologized for the inconvenience but said it was for our safety. He also said that if we saw any “foreign” object on the ship that we should not pick them up, but tell a crew member about it. My dad said that the ship was probably going toward the collision to see if there were any survivors. I started to tell him about the pen but decided not to tell anyone. I went into the restroom and got the pen out again to look at it. There were no markings on it. I wondered who it belonged to. Whoever the owner was … they were probably dead. I put the pen into my suitcase. I had a souvenir.

We were in our cabin for a very long time. When we came out the cruise had continued. We saw some U. S. Navy ships, but there was no sign of the airplanes or anything from them. I was kind of glad not to see any bodies floating in the water or anything. We learned later that there were no survivors on either plane involved in the crash.

When I got home, I put the pen in safe place in my room. Every once in a while, I look at it and wonder about the person who owned it before me. I guess I’ll never know anything about them except that they died in a fiery plane crash.

That makes me sad, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

Our flight continued. We were told to divert to New York for debriefing, but when the pilot made the plane’s billionaire owner aware of it, that order was quickly rescinded and we were able to go straight home. Score: one for the people, zero for the bureaucrats. I loved it. It helps when the people have lots of money and connections. What about my confrontation? Didn’t happen. I pictured myself sitting down for debriefing with an old man with a clipboard. It turned out to be an intelligent, attractive young woman named “Laura”. She was everything you would not expect of a bureaucrat, and I had no desire to be uncooperative with her.

When we all finished debriefing, Dr. Adams had a large van take us home. He and my mom moved me to my bed. I was tired, but felt refreshed just to be home. I had internet and TV. I said to my brain, “Brain … take a message to nerve cells, muscles, fat cells and other aspects of the body located below the waist: You will be receiving limited requests for movement. Divert as much of your resources as possible to healing. Be prepared over the next couple of weeks to gradually be resuming normal activity.”

My message must have gotten through. Healing went much faster than the doctor expected. Amie was amazing. We didn’t have to hire a nurse because she was there so much to help me. When we took the catheter out, I made a horrible mess in the bathroom because of swelling. I thought of my dad when I saw the mess I made. Amie cleaned it up. Imagine that … a spoiled, teen aged girl with wealthy parents spending her Christmas helping a friend recover from surgery. OK … scratch the word “spoiled.” I won’t go into any more gross aspects of my recovery. Amie seemed not to be bothered by any of it. She didn’t even tell any friends we were home so I wouldn’t have a lot of visitors interrupting during the day.

There were times I lay in my bed and thought about how unfair it was to have to go through all this to be normal. I didn’t complain to anyone, though, because I knew it wouldn’t do any good. I tried to walk a little more each day to speed my recovery. I began looking forward to returning to school, but I wanted to see if I could go back without anyone there knowing I had undergone surgery.

Mom always worked long hours, but now she had to catch up on work that piled up while she was gone. Many days, she came home with more clothes for me. I told her if she didn’t stop buying, we would need a bigger house. I could tell by her reaction that I had put an idea in her head.

When I was able to get out, Amie told me, “I want you to come to the hospital with me to visit a sick friend. It’s actually someone you know, but I’m not gonna tell you who. It’s a surprise. Put on your yellow dress. It looks great on you.”

I found the yellow dress in my closet and slipped it on. I found it was too small in the chest and even shorter than before. I must have grown 2 inches in height and several ounces in the chest. I change into a blue dress that I didn’t have to pull on the hem. As I was admiring myself in the mirror, Amie walked in. “Wow that’s cute, too. What’s wrong with the yellow one?”

“Well, it’s fine if I want to show off my panties to Houston, I can barely get it buttoned on top, and it’s tight in the hips.” I twisted around and looked at my rear end. Then looked at her. “You like big butts?”

“Oh yeah, I like that one. But, of course, that’s not all I’m interested in. “She changed her tone, faked an accent and held her hands up like an attacking bear. “I vant to fondle your brain. I get to zee butt later.” Then, she eyed my chest and dropped the theatrics.” Oh. You’re a growing girl … all over.”

I smiled. “Yep, up and out.”

She smiled back. “We better go before things get out of hand.” I had to agree.

We got into the Corvette and started out for the medical center. I had forgotten how rough the ride was in her car. It didn’t help that she always drove about one and one-half times the speed limit. We pulled into the parking garage and went into the hospital and went to the fourth floor. We went to the end of the hall and she said, “Wait here. I want to tell my friend you’re coming.” She went back down the hall and into a room. After a few minutes, she came back and got me. As we approached the room, she whispered, “Don’t look at the name on the door. I don’t want to spoil the surprise.” She opened the door to the room and motioned for me to go in first. I went in, almost afraid. I couldn’t imagine who it might be.

There in the hospital bed was my dad! He was smiling. “Hello, Jamie. My, you’ve changed!”

I was too stunned to speak, so Amie broke the silence. “Your mom told me where he was. I came up here yesterday and told him everything that has happened.” She turned to my dad. “Tell her what you think, Mr. Simms.”

“Well, Jamie,” he began, “I can see that you have a propensity to buck the system, and I can tell you where you get that.” He pointed to himself. “I was always reluctant to ‘go along with the program’. There were times that got me into trouble. I’m not surprised that you’re like me in that regard, but I would never have guessed something like this.” He looked me over. “I have a beautiful daughter.”

I wanted to hug him, but I didn’t feel comfortable doing that. “Thanks, dad, but where have you been? What have you been doing? Why are you in the hospital?”

“Whoa! I knew you’d have lots of questions, but slow down. First, I never left Houston. I had to dry out. I had to dig into my retirement money and get an apartment, then I contacted some old co-workers from the refinery and was able to get a position as a chemical engineer. I wanted to contact your mom, but I never could bring myself to do it. As far as being in the hospital, I had acute appendicitis. I’m fine, though. I was laying here yesterday and an angel appeared.”

“An angel?” I wondered if my dad was having hallucinations.

He motioned toward Amie. “Your friend here is an angel who brought you to me.” I pretty much failed to be a father to my son. I hope you’ll give me a chance to be a father to my daughter.”

I was hesitant. “Well … yeah …”

“It’s OK, Jamie. I didn’t expect to be welcome with open arms. Give it time. I expect to get out of here today,” he looked toward the door, “and get back to work. I’m enjoying my job. We have a big project going right now. I’d tell you about it, but you’d get bored. That’s way more than enough about me, though. What else is new with you and your mom? Any other news would pale in comparison to this.” He motioned toward me. I sent word to her that I was here, but I didn’t know if she got it. I see your mom’s name in the paper once in a while when she’s on a big case. She kicks ass in court, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to go up against her in court. Did Amie tell you that I wanted to look you up?”

“That’s why she came to see me and arranged this meeting. She’s an angel and she’s a brilliant girl. I can see why you two are friends. We had your I. Q. tested, you know. Usually in the offspring of parents with above average intelligence like your mom and me“, he cleared his throat to soften the braggadocio of the remark, “there is ‘regression toward the mean’, but it turns out that your I. Q. is higher than either of ours. We agreed that we wouldn’t want it any other way.”

This piqued Amie’s interest. “Wow! What’s her I. Q.?”

“I don’t remember the numbers. Her mom probably still has the scores in her files. She a great one for keeping things filed.”

Amie looked happy. “One project completed, a new one beginning.”

My dad looked puzzled, so I explained, “Finding you was our project.”

Dad nodded that he understood. Amie handed him a small piece of paper. “Here’s our emails. Send us your address and maybe we can come by some time. I have pretty reliable transportation.”

I looked at her. “Yeah, a Corvette.”

“Yeah, but it’s 2 years old,” she responded with faux defensiveness.

My dad expressed pity. “Oh, you poor thing! You’re probably embarrassed to be seen in it.” I could see that my dad and Amie would get along great.

Amie went along with that. “Yeah. I keep some dark glasses in the car in case I see someone I know.”

My dad kept it up. “Maybe your dad could scrape up the money to buy you something better, but I’ve seen the shack you live in … maybe not … poor fellow.”

At this point, I began to wonder what was going on. “Amie, what are ya’ll talking about? Your dad…”

“Stop!” Amie held up her hand to stop. She addressed my dad again. “Jamie has a difficult time understanding sarcasm, and can’t understand jokes very well.”

“Well, that’s her mom there.”

I decided to shut up and let them have their banter. Who knew when they were serious or not?

Long story short (too late) … my visit to see Amie’s “friend” successfully reunited my dad and me. That began to fill an empty space within me.

Back to school day is here. We decided to fly even though we had just barely escaped disaster. We didn’t figure lightning would take a second shot at us, and neither of us wanted to endure the long drive in the Corvette again. I was happy not to have the specter of surgery hanging over my head. My new parts were still tender, but could hardly wait to take them out into the world.

Amie and I both had begun to think about career decisions. I admired Dr. Adams and the resources he had available to him that enabled him to help people. A career in medicine would enable me to help the most vulnerable among us. I thought again about the little girl in the website picture of a bombing. I would probably never know who she was, much less be able to help her or my family. There were millions of people suffering in the world, however, some in distant lands … some in my own city. Maybe I couldn’t make a dent in suffering overall, but I could be a “drop in the bucket”. If I go into medicine, I decided, I would be the very best “drop” I could be.

Amie had also been observing her dad; she felt that her dad’s statement indicating that his patients frequently don’t listen to him gave her some new insight into the medical profession. Obviously, Amie was a controlling person and if she went through all those years of medical school, began a practice, then had her patients not care enough about their own health to listen to her advice would be extremely frustrating for her. What my dad said about my mom kicking ass in court, however, really appealed to Amie, however. She liked the idea of being around people who had little choice but to heed her advice. Of course, her interaction with a judge might be interesting. Even with seemingly no leverage, she always seemed to have things her way.

Amie was not cruel. She just always thought she was right. That can be an annoying trait, but Amie was almost always right. She was not only super intelligent, but she was wise beyond her years. I think wisdom and common sense go hand in hand, and I had little of either.

Amie was a parent’s dream. It’s hard for me to imagine her ever giving her parents trouble. Maybe she pitched a fit once when one of her parents wanted to play checkers instead of chess. I figure that’s the kind of thing about which she would give them trouble. I’m pretty sure there was no issue about boys, and her parents were probably aware by now of the reason for that.

My mom and Amie’s parents took us to the airport. Hobby Airport was much closer and a lot less crowded than Bush International. We had a limited amount of luggage. Amie’s dad would send the van with the rest our “necessities”. The flight to San Antonio, taxi to the school and check-in at school were all uneventful. We got to our room early in the afternoon, and I started trying on pants, jeans, Capri’s, etc.

Amie was watching. Finally, she spoke up. “Any of those looks great on you. Why the difficulty deciding?”

“Today is the last day we don’t have to wear school uniforms. I want to make sure I show I’ve got nothing to hide. I’m proud of my new configuration and I want to show it off … without being trashy.”

“I’ve seen some things that would look trashy on other girls, but you have class. It’s kinda hard for someone with so much class to look trashy.”

“Thanks.” I thought about that. It’s the kind of thing she would understand. I realized that I couldn’t afford to pay someone to provide the help and advice I get from her.

Amie smiled, “The yellow dress would show you off really well.”

“Yes, until the first teacher sees me and sends me back to the dorm to change. I want pants so I don’t have to be pulling on a hem.”

Amie went to her closet and brought out some lightweight, white jeans. “These are really too small for me. See if you can squeeze into them.”

I squeezed. They zipped with a little trouble. I stood at the mirror and turned around for a look. It was easy to see that I was wearing red panties. Amie was right one more time. They showed off my entire bottom side. Then I thought of the teachers. “Amie, maybe I just should better forget about being a show off here at school. That’s not why we’re here, and there’s nothing to be gained by agitating the teachers.”

“Hmm, very wise.”

“Thanks.”

I found some jeans that fit nicely, but no so tightly as to draw a lot of attention. The fit felt wonderful. Tomorrow, uniforms would be required, but we had a few hours to relax. I started getting my school work in order. Amie was on the web. We worked and relaxed until dinner time.

There were students who hadn’t arrived yet, so the lunchroom was not quite full. Amie and I sat away from everyone else. We had a pretty quiet, uneventful lunch. Finally, I spoke up. “I’m on my way, Amie.”

“You sure are, girlfriend, and I’m proud and happy for you.”

“I’ve been thinking ahead to graduation and after. I’m looking hard at the field of medicine.”

“Well, medicine could use more caring people like you. It’s hard for me to picture you fighting it out in court. Fighting is more my kind of thing. I would like to see your mom in action some time. I don’t think they allow cheering in court, though. I’ll have to restrain myself.”

“I’m sure she wouldn’t mind you going to court with her some time. It would help you see what practicing law is really like. Maybe you could intern for the summer. Would your dad consider letting me intern for him?”

“I’m not sure about the legalities of interning for a doctor, but I’ll bet you could help out in his office and get the feel of a medical practice. Maybe by the end of summer, we’ll both have a better Idea about what we want to do with our lives. We’ll both have a light load for senior year and we can concentrate on getting into the best schools in the country.”

We finished dinner and headed back to the dorm to get into bed early and be rested and ready for a new semester.

Amie went to sleep quickly. I could hear her breathing. Her lungs pulled air into her lungs and utilized the oxygen to feed all the parts of her beautiful mind and body. The bible says that God made man “a little lower than the angels”. In Amie’s case, it wasn’t much lower. Such a combination of beauty, brains and talent were rare.

My physical change from male to female was fast. Factors affecting that speed were my age, my small stature, and the immense amount of help from the people close to me. I was to a point that virtually no one would be able to “read” me. My hair was growing fast and thick. It felt strange to feel it on my back and shoulders. It felt good to not have anyone say, “Get a haircut!” The mental change was much slower. I was still somewhat self-conscious, but that was decreasing. It helped to look in the mirror and see that, obviously, it was a girl looking back. It was a pretty girl, too. I don’t mean to brag when I say that … just stating a fact. Day by day, I was slowly moving from a transsexual mentality to just living as a girl.

Being at an all girls' school helped my transition. I was able to emulate those around me without the interference of boys. I never thought that my sexual preference would change and, so far, I was right. Even though the girls at school were beautiful, however, I didn’t actually get aroused just looking at them. At times, I felt somewhat envious but tried to keep in mind that I couldn’t have it all. There will always be someone with bigger breasts, nicer legs or prettier hair, but I had my share of girls envying me.

It always came back to Amie. We were both females now, but loving her felt so natural that the idea of a relationship with a man seemed foreign and strange. No amount of intelligence would help me know whether I was truly in love. Matters of the heart are an entirely different realm. It’s a realm where eidetic memory and super high intelligence offer no special advantage … a realm where two plus two might equal purple. Love has been the spark that started wars … with jealousy the kindling. So important is love to society that it’s recognized in our laws. I wondered if the writers of those laws understood love any more than I. I doubt it. Also, love has different meanings to different people. Was all the help and support Amie had given me in my transition provided out of love? If not love, then what? Maybe she was a man hater who fantasized about castrating a male. With such wonderful parents, I couldn’t see her developing such psychological issues. I wouldn’t admit to her that such a thought crossed my mind. My mind was wandering now. It’s a good thing a mind can’t get lost by wandering. My mind would have been gone a long time ago.

When I thought of Amie, she stirred a bit and turned over on her side. She took a big breath, didn’t wake up. It was almost like she heard my thoughts. That would not be a big surprise. What would surprise me about Amie would be something she couldn’t do.
I laid back and started relaxing every part of my body, starting with my feet and progressing upward. It was a good way to beat insomnia. Soon, I drifted off to an undisturbed, restful sleep.

On the first day of the new semester, we awakened to a cold, rainy morning. The combination of rain and temperatures below 40 degrees brought hope for snow to those of us from the southern part of Texas. Houston gets a small amount of snow about every 10 years, and I remembered a snowfall when I was much younger. San Antonio, however, was even farther south than Houston.
Still, to me the cold and rain were exhilarating. The buildings were not far apart, so we didn’t have to walk outside a lot. It was a little difficult for me to concentrate on schoolwork when the rain was painting beautiful patterns on the window pane. Once, after the teacher droned on for a while about The Constitution, I heard “Jamie?”. I quickly snapped out of my dream and took a few seconds to “run the tape back”. Ah! There it was! Question and answer! “Thomas Jefferson”, I replied confidently. I think I saw the teacher smile and shake her head slightly as if to say, “Thought I had her that time”. I sat up straighter at my desk…determined to quit dreaming. The incident drew an amused smile from Amie. She puckered her lips so slightly that I would be the only one to notice. I smiled and drew renewed encouragement from this subtle show of affection.

Yet, I remained pensive on that cold, rainy day. I allocated just enough of my brain to function academically and socially while thinking about my life. So much had changed in the past months. All the changes were for the better. I was happier than I had ever been. I looked down at the hem of my skirt. Part of the fun of being a girl is the almost unlimited array of wonderful clothing that was available … and here I was wearing a dull school uniform. I had more than one closet full of beautiful apparel before I left home and, if I knew my mom, the inventory had grown a lot in my absence.
Yes, life was great. There was always a feeling, however, that something had to go wrong. This perfect existence could not last. I thought of a song my mom liked:
Well it’s been building up inside of me
for oh I don't know how long.
I don't know why but I keep thinking
something’s bound to go wrong.

These thoughts had to be pushed aside, though, because bad things happen and most of them cannot be predicted or prevented. Thinking about them in advance was a waste of time. I directed my musing toward my life and my place in the world. I wanted the world to be a better place because I lived. I know that sounds trite, but I saw so many people focusing on things that were so unimportant like the latest Star Wars movie or IPhone.
As usual, my thoughts turned to Amie. Could I make her a better person? She was awfully mean to Lauren, but I had to admit that Lauren had it coming, and Lauren came to realize it and apologized. No, finding fault with Amie would not yield much of a harvest. Maybe she was actually an angel. If so, she was my angel!
Amie and I had quickly made the school our own. We didn’t mean to say it was ours only … only that we felt at home there and loved the old buildings, the trees, the fields and the spring that ran through the large, idyllic campus, even the teachers.
Yes … the teachers. The school had a process that enabled it to pick the “cream of the crop”. Every one of our teachers was there because she or he loved teaching. They loved it because it was their calling. I doubt that any of them would leave teaching for twice the salary. We appreciated their talent and dedication because we remembered teachers at our previous school who had no business teaching. It was a struggle for both student and teacher. Of course, the teacher saw the students as the problem. These teachers didn’t stay in teaching positions long. Many viewed teaching as a stepping stone to an “administrative position” with higher pay and little or no contact with students.
The bell signaling the end of class ended this train of thought. I saw that the rain had stopped. I looked forward to a game of volleyball in the cold after school. Sure enough, when school was over the sun was out and we headed to our room to change clothes and had a great time playing until time for dinner. It had warmed up quite a bit, so we were able to wear shorts. I could feel the cool air coming up my shorts, keeping that area nice and comfy. My new sports bra kept my upper body assets secure, so I was able to concentrate on the game. During the game, Amie whispered, “Looking good, girl!” where only I could hear. I replied with a smile.
After volleyball and dinner, we went back to our room. Amie sat on the bed and was looking very thoughtful. “What’s up?” I asked.
“We should discuss what we do after graduation. I’m going to start out in pre-law and I’m pretty sure you want to start in pre-med. We just need to decide where we’re going to start out.”
I was certain, “Rice University”.
Amie’s eyes widened a little, “Wow! It’s hard to argue with that”.
I continued, “My mom and both your mom and dad went there. It’s less than 10 miles from River Oaks. Of course, there is a lot of traffic in those miles, so I think we should get a dorm for the week and we can go home on the weekend.”
“Ok!”
“Just like that?”
“Sure! Sounds great!”
I knew Amie better than that. She had already decided on Rice and was prepared to talk me into going there. That was OK, though. “We have to get admitted.”
“I was admitted the day I was born. I could show up with tattoos and a nose ring and they’d take me. Just so my dad doesn’t withdraw his support from the school. When they see your records they’ll be begging you to ‘come on down’.”
So, when that school ended we had one more year of high school before heading for Rice University. When I got home, however, I would find a big surprise. A new person would come into my life. Would this person change things? If so, how would things change?

We flew first class from San Antonio to Hobby Airport where my mom picked us up for the half-hour trip home. We took Amie to home and helped her get her bags in. As we left Amie’s house, my mom said, “Jamie, I have a surprise for you.”

“Mom, there is nothing I need … really.”

“It’s not actually something for you. I will tell you this much … I’ve been dating someone.”

“Really? Cool! What’s he like? What does he do? Does he …”

“Slow down! You’ll meet this person when we get home.”

“So what’s he like?”

“Well … totally different from your dad.”

“In what way?”

“In almost every way. You’ll see what I mean.”

We pulled up into the driveway at home and I left my bags in the car hurried into the house followed by my mom. I walked into the living room and mom’s new friend stood up to greet me.

From behind me, I heard my mom say, “Hannah, this is my daughter, Jamie. Jamie, meet my girlfriend, Hannah.”

I was speechless. Hannah was tall and slim. She had very short blonde hair which in no way detracted from her femininity, and wore a white tank top with no bra and blue jeans. You could see that her perfect figure was natural and not the result of underclothing squeezing her into shape. Her eyes were so dark that you couldn’t tell the pupil from the iris. Her lips looked like the models on TV in ads selling lipstick. In short … her face was as beautiful as her body. She held my hand and turned to my mom, “Marie, she’s more beautiful than I imagined.”

I tried to speak but choked. My mom stepped up and hugged me as I began to sob. “My goodness, Jamie, what is it? I can’t tell if you’re happy or sad.”

“I’m happy for you, mom.” I managed between sobs. “Ever since dad left, all you’ve done is work. You haven’t had anybody. Then when you told me you were dating, I was afraid we’d get another man in here that pees on the floor.”

Mom and Hanna laughed about that statement. Their laughter was infectious, and I found myself smiling. “Is Hanna gonna live with us.”

“Not right now. We’ll see how it goes.” They exchanged glances and smiled. “Let’s bring in your bags.”

Hanna held up her hand. “Hold on. I’ll get the bags. Ya’ll have some catching up to do.”

Our protests fell on deaf ears, so we went into the living room and sat down to talk.

As we sat down Mom looked at my chest and began, “Jamie, if you keep progressing at this rate you’re going to have trouble carrying them around!”

“It’s hereditary, Mom, I get ‘em from you. Thanks, Mom.” She smiled and shook her head as if there were a problem. “Is something wrong?” I asked.

“No,” she assured me, “it’s just so ironic. When you were born and they said ‘it’s a boy, I would never have imagined that someday you would be thanking me for your boobs.”

I had to smile about that, but I wanted to change the subject. “Where did you meet Hanna? She’s really beautiful, Mom. Is she a model?”
Mom smiled. “I’m sure she could be a model but no, she’s a trust fund kid. Her parents left her a bit of money and she has taught herself how to invest, and has multiplied her funds several times. She works from home on the computer. She came into the office to ask some questions about her investments. I can’t divulge a lot, but I can tell you she’s not in poverty. Yes, she’s beautiful and smart. I feel so good around her. I can’t explain it any better than that.”

Mom was in love! We talked. We talked school, work, Hanna, and Amie. By the time Hanna left and we quit talking, it was late. I could hardly wait to talk to Amie. We had the summer ahead of us and my now my mom was starting a new life.

As I lay down that night flashes of lightning lit up everything every minute or so followed by rumbling thunder. Threatening to most people … promising to a rain-lover like me. The interval between lightning and thunder kept getting shorter. Finally, a bright flash of lightning was followed immediately by a crash of thunder that seemed to shake the house. I could hear a deluge beginning outside. The lightning and thunder became less frequent, but the rain seemed to get harder. It was a perfect potion to promote sleep. I drifted off….

I was awakened by a hand gently stroking my face. I opened my eyes to see Amie lying next to me.

“Your mom let me in. You gonna sleep all day?”

The room was still dark. Why would Amie come wake me in the middle of the night? “What time is it?”

It's 8 AM!

It was still dark because the sky was overcast and it was still raining. “Wow! It’s been a while since I slept this late! The rain helps me sleep. It’s so peaceful.”

“Yeah, your mom is already gone to work. I thought we might go have a look at the Rice campus, but it’s raining so much that a lot of streets will probably soon be flooded.”

“The rain is great, ain’t it?”

“You’re away from school two days and your grammar starts slipping!”

“I’m from Texas. ‘Ain’t’ is a perfectly good word in Texas, just like ‘ya’ll’. Saying ‘ya’ll’ is much better than ‘you guys’ like they say up north, especially when there are no guys around.”

“You’re right. Forgive me. I guess I’ve been watching too much TV. Oh, well, we’re here alone. We have a whole day to kill. Whatever shall we do? Play chess? No, I’d kill you.” She was massaging my shoulders and was leaning over to put her face close to mine.
“I have an idea. For starters, you can quit teasing and kiss me.”

Her reply was a long, deep kiss. Her lips and her body were so warm. I could feel my heart beating. I wanted her closer to me. The only thing that separated us was clothing, so I reached down to the hem of my gown and pulled it over my head. Then I reached down and pulled my panties down to my knees and worked them the rest of the way off with my legs. She got up and pulled her shirt and jeans off that was it. She was naked. She got back in bed on top of me.

I protested, “Why do you get to be on top?”

“Shut up, bitch!” That was all the explanation I needed. Her weight on me … her tongue in my mouth … her breasts pressed against mine were wonderful.

Between kisses I whispered in her ear, “Can I at least have you for breakfast?” Without a word she turned around so she was facing the foot of the bed. I opened my legs as wide as I could. She did the same … offering me the best breakfast I had ever had. I thought of a term I had seen somewhere: “Breakfast of Champions”. I was pretty sure this breakfast no calories or fat.

Then Amie found my abbreviated penis and began to suck it as if she were trying to make it grow back. I reciprocated, wondering if, deep in her heart, she wanted a penis. Maybe not, but to say she had a positive reaction would be a huge understatement. It felt good to excite her. Amie was always in control until now. Of course, that was mutual. Even though I was somewhat in control of her, she was controlling me also. The stimulation was making my heart pound so that it could almost be heard. Finally, I reached a point where I thought I would lose consciousness. I let out a scream … then relaxed my entire body. I felt her relax as well.

It took several seconds to catch my breath. Amie turned back around and laid her head on the pillow next to mine. It was raining harder now, and I drifted into a peaceful sleep. We wouldn’t go visit the college today. We wouldn’t go shopping today. We wouldn’t go to the salon today. None of this means the day was a waste. Amie and I were in love and we were happy. After resting, we would make love again. No matter what happened in my life, I would remember this day.

During summer vacation, Hanna and I became close. She invited me to go to her house when something was bothering me, and I took her up on the offer. At times, we had long talks and found that we saw eye to eye on a number of things.

One evening my mom came home from work and began showering and getting dressed up nice. She and Hanna were going to dinner. She explained that Hannah wanted to discuss something. It sounded kind of serious.

When she left I got on the web and started looking at the Rice University website. I could hardly wait to get out of high school and get started in pre-med. I looked at everything I could find about pre-med and memorized it. After that, I went to the Victoria’s Secret site. “Amie could be a model”, I thought to myself. She had too much brains to waste, though.

It got to be late so I got off the computer and lay across the bed. I wanted to awake when my mom came home to find out what the issue was with Hannah. I drifted off and was awakened by the sound of my mom coming in the door. I got up and went to the living room.

“Oh hey, honey. You’re up late. It’s almost 1 am.”

“What did Hannah have to say?”

“Oh, she just had a gift to give me.” She held out her left hand and showed me a 2 karat diamond engagement ring.

“Y'all are getting married! Well … I guess not legally married…”

“Yes, legally married!”

“But, it’s not legal … is it?”

“You haven’t been watching the news. The Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage today! Hannah has had this ring for a while because she anticipated this ruling.”

I hugged my mom like I would never let go. “Oh, mom, we’re gonna be a family!”

“That’s not all. We’ll be moving to a bigger place. We’re looking at a 3 story house near Dr. Adams. It’s about one bgzillion square feet and more rooms than some motels. There is a separate area we’re thinking about using for a homeless man…”

“Mom! You want to bring a homeless man into our house?! You’re a generous person, but this doesn’t sound like you. There’s a safety issue here!”

“It will be OK once you get to know him. I think a girl should know her dad.”

My dad! That shut me up. I didn’t know what to say. Deep down, I thought I loved my dad. I just didn’t like so many of the things he did.
It seemed that my mom heard my thoughts. “You’re dad is a different person when he’s not drinking or taking drugs. He smart, funny … sexy, too, but that’s irrelevant now. He needs a place to stay and we have more than enough room. The bible says, ‘freely ye have received, freely give.’ We won’t be charging him rent. We don’t need it, so there’s no need to strain his resources while he’s getting back on his feet. I still love him, but I’m no longer in love with him. That part of my life is past. I can’t say I regret those years. Without them, I wouldn’t have you. I can’t imagine life without you.”

“Well, mom, I don’t even want to imagine life without you. It may happen someday, but I push it way to the back of my mind.”
I got into bed and lay awake thinking. I was so proud of my mom for her generosity. My life was going to change even more. It was both exciting and scary. We would have two more people in the house. I would be even closer to Amie.

I thought about the cliché so many people used, “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” I heard it so much I wanted to gag. Still, what if it applied to my life? Was I headed for something that would upset my near perfect world? I realized that my euphoric existence was fragile. Despite my desire for frequent solitude, I relied on the support of the wonderful people around me. I seemed to be insulated from the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.” I realized that there was really no reason I deserved such bliss, but I was happy to accept it and not willing to give it up.

I finally willed my mind to stop wandering and was able to drift off to sleep and dream. Changes were soon to come. I had to rest to prepare for them.

Mom and Hannah’s wedding was a small affair with just a few friends. The judge was a friend of Mom’s. The honeymoon consisted of going home and going to bed. They put off a real honeymoon for when they had more time to plan.

I had 2 parents again! Best of all … they were both females! I had heard horror tales of dads of daughters who had wanted a boy. Some either ignored their daughter or tried to get her interested in activities or hobbies usually pursued by boys … make her a “Tom-boy”. Imagine that … trying to change the sex of your child! Of course, I was a special case because I was more than willing to change. I tried to imagine a girl wanting to be a boy. That just seemed foreign to me. Why would anyone with a perfectly good female body want to change it to a male body?
Soon, I would have 3 parents. I had a chance to visit the new house and it was incredibly beautiful. It had an Olympic sized pool, exercise room, music studio, (Hannah was also a musician) and a movie theater. Each of the 12 bedrooms had its own large bath.

I was spending a lot of time packing. Even with Amie’s help, it was a slow process because we spent a lot of time trying on clothes. Some of them I had never seen. Mom shopped a lot these days, and the clothes she bought for me went right in the closet. I thought I had the most beautiful clothes in the world. Everything was very feminine. Mom loved her new daughter!

On moving day, I spent the day at Amie’s house. The new house was next door to the house across the street. We thought we would sit on Amie’s porch, do our nails and watch the movers work, but the properties we so large and full of trees we couldn’t see much. My dad showed up and moved what little he had into his separate section. I walked out into the yard where I could see him, and I felt a twinge of pity watching him carry his meager possessions.

At 4 PM, most of our stuff had been moved. Amie and I walked over to work on unpacking. My room was at the end of a hall on the third floor and was very private. There was a large sliding glass door that opened to a balcony. The view was mostly tree tops, but in the distance was the Williams tower pointing from the Galleria to the heavens.

Amie and I admired the view for a few seconds. Then, I turned to her and made a proposition. “Amie, I’m in a big new house, and I might get scared. Could I beg you to spend the night … just tonight … please?”

Amie was silent for a little. I was afraid she might say, “No”.

Finally, she smiled and spoke. “Oh, I guess I could do that for one night. After all, the place is not really a dump.”

We showered, then crawled into the Egyptian Cotton sheets. The bed was comfortable beyond belief! We snuggled a bit, but were so tired that we soon fell asleep holding each other.

Amie headed for home as soon as she woke up. When I woke up, I thought about my life. A lot of girls would kill for a life like mine. Plenty money, bright future, loving people.
I hate my life!
I don’t mean that. It just all suddenly seemed so futile. I hadn’t been to church much, but I had read the bible through as well as some books about the bible written by authors who “knew” hidden meanings in the scripture. I had read about religions other than Christianity and found major flaws in them all.
The bible was not only filled with beautiful prose, it touched on each and every aspect of life. Detractors were many and, if the bible could be disproved it would have by now. Instead, most advances in science actually made the case for the bible stronger. I had two major problems with the bible. Not its validity, but its application to me.
The first was “Male and female created he them…” The bible actually proscribes cross-dressing. Sex reassignment was not addressed, but most scholars don’t believe it would be acceptable.
The second was “what’s the point?” Are we God’s experiment? We live, work, build things, have children…then we die. Was the afterlife like that described in the bible?
My cell lit up and buzzed. I put it on silent and pulled the covers over my head. I just wanted to sleep. I slept.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

“Jamie! Wake up!”
I opened my eyes. Amie was sitting next to me on my bed. “Jamie, it’s four o’clock. Are you sick?”
“Amie, I just don’t feel good. I don’t want to do anything. I feel really tired.”
“You’re depressed?”
“Yeah, I guess. Please let me sleep.”
“OK.”
She left. That was easy. I half expected her to try to drag me out of bed.
I got up, took a bath and dressed. Mom would be home soon. Hannah was somewhere in the house, but she was obviously making it a point to not intrude.
I warmed up some pizza from the fridge and ate about half of it, decided it wasn’t that good and threw the rest away. I went to lie down and wait for Mom to come home. I fell asleep and woke up in the dark. It was 4am. Mom hadn’t awakened me. I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.
Amie came by the next morning. Again, I asked her to leave. This time, however, she wouldn’t leave. She insisted I go see her dad at his office. Reluctantly, I got dressed and let her drag me out of the house and to Dr. Adams’ office.
When we got there, the waiting room was empty and there was a new receptionist. She was reading a copy of “Vogue”.
“We’re going to see my dad,” Amie told the girl.
“Hold on,” said Miss New Girl. “I’ll send you back when he’s ready for you.”
“I’m his daughter, he’ll see me now.” She headed for the door to the hallway. It was locked.
New Girl had a sarcastic smile. “I know who both of you are. Sit down and I’ll send you back when I’m ready. Things are going to change around here because I’m the new office manager and things will go as I say! Now…sit down and please be quite…I’m trying to read.
At this point, I knew Miss New Girl was done for. I cringed a little, preparing for Amie to cloud up and rain all over this arrogant bitch.
Instead, Amie sat down and said, “Yes, ma’am.”
For a moment, I was speechless. I felt the blood rush to my head. My face must have been bright red. I looked at Amie in disbelief. “Amie, what the hell is wrong with you? Are you gonna let this little twerp tell you that you can see your dad whenever you please?”
I got up, walked toward the reception desk and opened my mouth to give this intruder the tongue lashing she deserved, but at the moment Dr. Adams opened the door.
“Come on back, girls.”
We followed him to one of the rooms. He held my chart and looked over it. “How’s it going, girls?”
“Fine, dad,” Amie said matter-of-factly.
Again, I was stunned. “Amie…what the hell is the matter with you?” I turned to Dr. Adams. “You’re not going to believe how your new employee treated your daughter Italicsand me. You might not believe this….”
Dr. Adams held up his hand for me to stop. “Amie tells me you’ve been a bit depressed.”
I was surprised and confused that he would not even want to hear a complaint from us by an employee of his. “Yeah, I’ve been a little down.”
“Sleeping a lot?”
“Yeah…I’ve been feeling so tired.”
“How do you feel now?” He folded his arms.
“I….” What? Why is he asking me that? Nothing has changed! Nothing, that is, except I couldn’t wait to get back to the front of the office and scratch the eyes out of a smartass little bitch! But wait…how do I feel? I was angry, but the depression was gone like magic! “Oh. I feel better, actually.”
Dr. Adams smiled. “When Amie told me how you were acting, I knew it had to be depression. Instead of medicating you, I set up this little experiment.” He pushed the button on the intercom. “Kaye, could you come on back?”
Miss New Girl came in the door smiling.
“Kaye is the daughter of a friend of mine. She’s a nurse, but she enjoys acting in local theater productions. Based on your reaction, she must be pretty good.”
Kaye curtsied and said “Thank you. It was the most fun acting job I ever had. The look on Jamie’s face was priceless!”
Dr. Adams continued. “I arranged for you to get angry because anger can cause your body to release adrenaline. Adrenaline can overcome depression.”
“You were so distracted; you didn’t realize that this is my dad’s off day,” Amie interjected. “That’s why the office was empty.”
“This type of therapy is not in the medical books,” Dr. Adams warned us. “We’re almost family, though, so let’s keep it among us in our little group. Besides, it probably wouldn’t work again because you would be wise to my little trick if I tried it again. Let’s hope you don’t need this 'therapy' again.”
“Thank you so much, Dr. Adams.” I turned to Kaye, “Thank you, Kaye. Wow! What a difference a few minutes makes! If Dr. Adams hadn’t stopped me, he would have been dealing with a case of ‘scratched out eyes’.”
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As we left the doctor’s office, I thought about the complexities of the human mind. I was almost certainly going after a medical degree. Now, I thought about psychiatry as a specialty.

Summer vacation ended. Our senior year began with both Amie and I needing very few credits for

graduation. This gave us time for career research with a lot of free time also. We had both decided on

our majors. Amie would study law, I was going into medicine. Now that I had decided on a direction, I

was anxious to get started. I had heard horror stories about the hours required of interns, but had my

mind made up that nothing would deter me from the path I had chosen.

Amie spent a lot of time reading books about law. She envied my eidetic memory and asked me to try to

teach her how it worked. I tried, and she seemed to be better able to remember the things she read. I

had no doubts that she would do fine in pre-law and law school. With her ability to “read” people,

combined with her intelligence and natural charm, she would breeze through it. With my eidetic

memory, I would graduate with an encyclopedic knowledge of everything medical in my head. We were

both at the top of our class, but I asked Amie to help me make sure she beat me out for valedictorian. I

could handle a short, introductory speech, but a longer valedictory was more up her alley.

So far, my life has been almost too good to be true, so I will cease this documentary for now. The future

Bye for now, Jamie.

“When I first moved here, I hoped I would make a friend, and when I met you, it was like a dream come true. You’re strong, self-confident, and not confrontational like so many guys. At first, it seemed like you really didn’t want to be friends, but things seemed to work out. I have never had such a good friend, and I never knew such a … such a wonderful guy!

“Just now, after I played music for you and I asked you what you thought. Instead of commenting on the music, you actually told me what you thought, and it wasn’t about the music at all. I know you would like to take that back, but there would be no need to take it back if you could. I would never try to embarrass you. But when you told me I’m beautiful, you didn’t mean the way I played, I think you meant physically beautiful, like a girl. Am I right? Be honest.”

Steven said nothing. How could he answer that?

“Ok, Michael continued, I’ll answer for you. You looked at my face, my hair, my eyes, and my smile and you thought I looked like a pretty girl.”

“Yeah, I guess. I’d kill for hair like yours.”

“Well, I don’t know how you’re going to take this.”

“Well, you’re not transgendered and you’re not gay … so nothing makes sense. I’m no good with riddles. Just tell me!”

“I’m actually a girl!”

“I already guessed that. You’re a girl, but you were born in the body of a boy! You are transgendered!”

“No, I was born a completely healthy girl.”

Steven sat silently. He had so many questions, but he didn’t know where to begin.

“I owe you an explanation, of course. Yes, I was born a normal female, but when I was very young I identified more with boys. I played with boy’s toys, preferred to have male friends, and thought I should have been born a boy. My parents took me to an analyst and, with, his advice they allowed me to start living as a boy. The doctor said it wouldn’t be appropriate to give me medication until I was older and was certain I still wanted to go down that path.

“But as time went by, I felt a change in myself and observed a big change in the boys around me. My fun, playful male friends became mischievous, competitive, and sometimes just mean. The kinship I felt with them began dissipating.

“I saw the girls differently, too. I had seen their baby dolls as silly child’s play, but I learned that they were actually acting out the female instincts they were born with, and they were practicing for the time they would be mothers. Also, whether I liked it or not, I had those same instincts, and I felt them becoming stronger. I felt an enchantment with babies and I realized how awesome was the girls’ ability to bring a child into the world, and that I also had that ability and I was preparing to give it up. The idea that I could be so foolish almost made me sick.

“The time came to decide if I wanted to go on the medication, but here was no way I wanted to give up the instincts and privileges I was born with. When I told but I told the doctor that I changed my mind, he actually seemed a bit disappointed! I hate to sound cynical, but I think it was about money with him. He agreed I should abandon becoming a boy. Still, how do I go back? Do I Show up at school one day and say, ‘Surprise! I’m a girl!?’ For a while, I went day by day without knowing what to do. Then my parents are arranged to enroll me in private school next year so, hopefully, I can transition there. So you can see why I had to ask you to keep this to yourself.”

“Yeah, of course. It would suck for the kids at school to hear about this. My lips are sealed. So, is ‘Michael’ your real name?”

“I was born ‘Melissa Rene Holmes’. Obviously, to live as a boy that had to change. My parents had my name was legally changed to ‘Michael James Holmes’. I can’t wait to change it back! I can’t believe I was so stupid!”

“Give yourself a break; you were a kid! But you were saying that your feelings toward me had been changing. How do you mean?”

“While all that was happening, we moved to this neighborhood. I met you and we started hanging out. Maybe you don’t realize it, but you helped me. You pushed me to my limits sometimes, but I felt safe and protected when I was with you, and I found that I wasn’t as limited as I thought.

“Gradually, I began to realize that my feelings toward you were more than friendship. Wonder why, right? Honestly, Steven, I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Steven sat in stunned silence for several seconds. Finally, he responded, “Michael, I … don’t know what to say.”

“Steven, I know I’m putting you on the spot, so maybe we should act like this conversation never happened. I know that will seem strange, but I don’t want to lose my best friend. Believe me, no one will ever hear from me anything we say or do here today.”

“This is wild! Michael, just a few minutes ago when you were playing I watched your face. When you finished, you turned to me and asked me what I thought. I felt like you wanted to say more. Your eyes and your lips … well, it was just strange.”

“Steven, you’re leaving something out. You thought I wanted to say more? I’ve been totally open with you. It’s your turn.”

“OK, here goes. When you finished playing, you turned and smiled at me and asked me what I thought, Yes, I thought you were beautiful but, of course, you’re a boy. Still, I thought … just for a second … your lips were saying ‘kiss me’. I wanted to kiss you … I think … but I couldn’t get past the ‘fact’ … or the idea that you were a boy. I said the first thing that came to my mind. It’s true … you are beautiful. I can say that now. I had been sitting next to you feeling your body next to mine and looking at your beautiful face. I felt like I had to say something, you asked me what I thought, and that was the only thing on my mind. I know it sounds crazy.”

Michael’s body language and her smile showed her elation over his words. “It doesn’t sound crazy at all to me. I’m thrilled … I can’t stop smiling after hearing that you felt like that. I like you a lot, Steven, and I always felt good being with you, but it kind of hurt knowing you thought of me as just a friend. Now that you know the truth, I hope that eventually, you will begin to have feelings for me as … more than a friend.”

Steven hesitated. “I don’t know, Michael ….”

“Hold on. I hope you will call me ‘Melissa’ from now on; would you?”

“Sure, but not around other people for now, right?”

“Right, definitely!”

“OK, I’ll start over. I don’t know … Melissa. It feels kind of funny to call you that.”

“Yeah, but I hope that someday, when someone mentions the name “Michael”, you won’t even think about it, because you don’t know anyone by that name.”

“That’s going to take some time. Anyway, this makes me understand a few things that I couldn’t figure out before.”

“What things?”

“Well, when we were in the swamp and you said you had to go pee. You would disappear and be gone for a long time. Once or twice I started to go look for you.”

“I’m glad you didn’t! I always made sure to go quite a distance.”

“Then, one time we were in your room and you wanted to change your shirt. You went into the bathroom and locked the door. I thought you were just shy. Nothing else entered my mind.”

“I wear a bandage around my chest. It won’t be enough much longer.”

“When that happens, you’ll have to buy a bra. My best friend is gonna have to wear a bra. Mike … Melissa, this is the most incredible thing I’ve ever heard!”

Melissa smiled that smile again. Now free from any inhibitions about gender, Steven now felt free to think it was a beautiful smile. Melissa was beautiful! He admired the smile for a few seconds then noticed that his friend was moving ever so slightly closer. “Mike … Melissa, don’t!”

“If it will make it easier for you, I’ll change my name to ‘Mike-Melissa’. But you’re right, Steven, maybe we shouldn’t start off our new relationship with a kiss unless we’re certain it’s going to be a ‘kissing’ relationship.”

“But, you really want me to kiss you, don’t you Michael?”

“Who?”

“Sorry. You really want me to kiss you, don’t you Melissa?”

“I’ve wanted you to kiss me since the day we met. I’m not just your best friend … try to remember, I’m a girl, and you’re not just a boy, you’re an extremely good-looking boy and a wonderful person. There was no way I could help falling in love with you. I would like a kiss with some meaning behind it, but I’ll take what I can get.”

“A kiss with some meaning behind it?”

“I’ll be clear. I would like it when and if you kiss me, there’s love behind it.”

“Wait a minute. What about the times at school when the guys talked about girls. You talked just like one of the guys!”

“I wasn’t faking and I wasn’t lying. I’m attracted to girls also. Remember, I said, ‘I’m straight … mostly. I think I developed an attraction to girls because I’ve been in ‘boy’ mode so long. Yeah, I like pretty girls … a lot! I got along so well with them because, obviously, I could understand the way they think and feel.”

“Mike … Melissa, this is so hard to process. I can’t just flip a switch and go from, ‘my best friend Michael’ to ‘my girlfriend Melissa’.”

“I know, Steven. We probably shouldn’t kiss, but I’ve waited a long time and wondering what it would be like and I think maybe you are, too! It’s just a kiss. It doesn’t mean I’m your girlfriend, but I like the sound of the word.” She smiled and leaned just slightly toward Steven.

“You like the word ‘kiss’, or the word ‘girlfriend’?”

“Yes, Steven, ‘kiss’, ’girlfriend’, both words are exciting to me when the subject of conversation is you and me. I’m becoming more sure by the second that I’m in love with you! Maybe I’m being foolish, but Steven Mills, I’m in love with you! It was a lie when I said, ‘I think I’m falling in love with you.’ I fell in love with you the second I met you. The more we were together and the more I got to know you, the deeper in love I fell.”

Steven thought a few seconds, then asked, “Where are your parents?”

“My dad is in Europe on business, Mom is opening a new store on the other side of Houston, and it’s the housekeeper’s day off. Feels kinda lonesome, huh?”

“I must be insane. I like you, and now that I know you’re a girl. I can admit how pretty you actually are. Yet, I’m sitting here arguing against kissing you.”

“Yeah, boys can be not so bright.”

Steven smiled. “Hey! Hold on!”

“I’m sorry, Honey … oops!”

“OK, Honey, let me ask you this.”

Melissa smiled, then let out an almost imperceptible sigh of frustration. “Ok, what?”

“Would you be my girlfriend?”

Melissa’s eyes widened and she smiled. She flung her arms around Steven’s neck to kiss him. As their lips came together, she opened her mouth and held him like she would never let go.

Steven’s heart raced and his developing male body responded vigorously. His thoughts raced. “I’m kissing a boy! No, I’m kissing my new girlfriend.”

When they finally came ‘up for air’, Steven said, “Now if you tell me you were joking and you’re really a boy, I’m gonna kill you!”

“I’m all girl. I’ll prove it, Steven. Let’s stand up.”

They stood behind the piano bench and Melissa put her arms around Steven’s neck and pulled her body tightly against her. Putting her mouth close to his ear, she whispered, “I can feel your excitement. What do I feel like to you?”

Steven felt a beautifully feminine body fitted against his, He answered her question with a deep, passionate kiss. When he released her, she warned, “Oh, Steven, that’s so nice, but we have to be careful.”

“We can’t do that! We’re teenagers! What’s your plan for that, Melissa?”

“Abstinence!”

“Damn! Wait … does that mean what I think it means?”

“Since you said ‘damn’, I’m sure it does. You didn’t really have to ask, did you?”

“No.”

“Good. I don’t want a stupid boyfriend.”

“Wow, you’re direct!”

“Well, it’s just us guys here.”

“Hey, we’ve been friends a while, but we’ve never had a sleepover. Ask your parents if you can stay at my house tonight. I only have one bed in my room, but it’s queen size.”

“It would be interesting if you mentioned it to my parents and see what they come up with. We’d find out how many ways they have of saying ‘no’. Actually, please don’t let them find out that I told you.”

“Ok. That’s already covered when I said ‘My lips are sealed.’”

“When they’re around, don’t kiss me, don’t hold my hand, don’t call me ‘Sweetie’, and stuff like that.”

“How about, ‘Bitch’?”

“You don’t know my parents. That would get you a lifetime ban from my house.”

“OK, Melissa, do you know what I would like to see?”

“What’s that?”

“I would like to see my girlfriend dressed in something really cute. Wait … not too sexy … I might lose control. You do have other girls’ clothes other than what you’re wearing now, right?”

“Oh, you noticed my shorts and top! How do you know they’re girls’ clothes?”

“Well, it’s just obvious; especially the panties.”

Melissa blushed. “Oh, I’m sorry!”

“Yeah, just like a girl to put on a show for a guy then apologize for it!”

“Honestly, it wasn’t a show. As you can imagine, I had a lot on my mind. But, it’s just not lady-like to show too much.”

“Seriously, I’d like to see you dressed in something really cute.”

“OK. Come to my room and you can pick an outfit.”

Steven followed Melissa upstairs. As he walked up the stairs behind his friend, he thought about the beauty of the “women’s movement”. Living as a boy had done nothing to lessen her graceful comportment. He followed Melissa to her room, then through the room to what appeared to be a closet door. When the door was opened a new dimension appeared. It was a much larger bedroom brightly decorated in feminine colors. It was a huge contrast to the somewhat plain boy’s room Steven had been to in previous visits. Melissa pressed a button and two very wide doors began quietly sliding open, revealing dozens of colorful articles of girls’ clothing.

Melissa looked at Steven and smiled. “I think this means my parents are glad to have their little girl back! Pick something and I’ll model it for you.”

“Melissa, it’s all great, but I don’t know what to pick. You pick something you like.”

“OK.” Melissa picked out a blue mini-dress, grabbed some jewelry, and went into the restroom. She made enough noise with the door to make it clear that it was locked.

A pretty girl went into the bathroom, but a truly beautiful girl came out. She had a slinky blue mini dress, white 2” heels, two necklaces, and diamond drop earrings.

Steven stood stunned. “Oh my God, Melissa. You’re a vision! This is the guy I dragged through the woods? Melissa, if you had continued to change your sex, it would have been a shame! When I thought you were a boy, I said ‘you’re beautiful’, but now I see that was a massive understatement. I can’t think of a single girl at school who can come close to you! Quick … you’re still my girlfriend, right?”

“Of course, why do you ask?”

“I just don’t rate a girl like you. If people see us together, they’ll say, ‘What the hell does she see in him’!”

“I see a lot in you. If they can’t see how handsome you are, they have a problem to start with, but I see a lot more. I’ve had the advantage of spending a lot of time with you, and I’ve seen that you have character, strength, and intelligence. Now, I realize that I need to add ‘modest’ to your other wonderful qualities.”

“You overestimate me.”

“What can I say? I’m a woman in love!”

Steven was silent.

“Steven?”

“Oh! What?”

“Are you OK?”

“Well, looking at you and trying to figure all this out … I couldn’t concentrate. I was just looking at you!”

Melissa moved toward Steven and raised her arms as if to embrace him. Then, quickly she reversed course. “No, that will only lead to temptation!”

“Melissa … noooo!”

She smiled, approached him again, and put her arms around his neck. She bit him lightly on the neck and whispered, “One more kiss.”

Melissa hugged Steven with her entire body. If she had any inhibitions, they had dissipated, and she seemed determined to mesh their bodies together as one entity. Tightly she held, lest someone get a “foot in the door”; someone who would say “You’re not right for him. You’re too confused about your sexuality to get involved in a serious relationship.” Someone else might say, “He’s not right for you. He’s not certain whether you’re a boy or a girl.”

She didn’t want to hear any of it, and she dare not allow a millimeter of space to be between them that might let in any of these doubts. Yes, she was in love with her best friend.

As Steven kissed her his heart and his mind raced. ”This is not a dream! I’ll remember forever the day I kissed the most beautiful girl in the world! I’ve met a lot of girls, but I won the lottery with this one. She says she’s in love. I have to figure out what I’m in. Whatever it is, it feels damn good right now!”

They began the day as two buddies. Before the day ended, maybe they weren’t in love, but they were more than buddies, and they had their whole lives to figure out just what they were. They were only kids, and they couldn’t possibly foresee all the troubles and heartaches they would face, but, also unforeseen, were joyful, happy times to come. That’s life.

Saturday morning Avery awoke to the smell of bacon and eggs cooking. Mom was fixing a nice breakfast so, presumably, he would have a full stomach to make a full confession. When he went into the dining room, she put a full plate in front of him and inquired, “Can we talk after breakfast?”

He gave the only answer he felt would satisfy her, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Thank you, Honey. You know ….” Her cell phone chimed. She looked at the screen and the blood went from her face. “Hello?”

A pause, then, “Speaking.”

Another pause. She sat down hard in her chair, “No!” Her voice cracked. She put her head down, her forehead in her free hand. “Yes, I’m …. Yes, I’ll …. Yes ... about a half-hour. Thank you.” She clicked her phone off and looked at Avery; her eyes were suddenly red as though she had been crying for hours. “Your dad died this morning.”

Avery felt his entire body start to go numb. Had he been standing, he would have fainted. He held tightly onto the table. “No! Mom! That can’t …. Oh, no … my daddy!” He covered his face with his hands. “God, please! My daddy! No, God.” He wanted to plead his dad’s case to God, but he didn’t know where to begin. No one had ever said to him the words, ‘Your dad died,’ and they didn’t make sense. “Mom, I can’t ....” He managed to stand up and stumble over to his mom. She also stood and placed his head on her shoulder as he began to sob. “What are we gonna do, Mom?” Avery was a kid. Mom was an adult. Surely, she had a plan. Surely, she could make this not happen! His dad had six months! It’s not fair! The doctor promised! He closed his eyes tightly and saw his dad’s smiling face, but it offered no comfort. It only made the pain nearly unbearable. “My daddy! I wanted …. I wanted to tell him …. He was …. He was….” His mom was weeping also, but she seemed to be in control. She felt she had to appear to be in control for Avery’s sake. They couldn’t both be helpless.

“Avery, your dad loved you, and he knew you loved him! You made him proud at the game last night.”

Avery recovered somewhat. “Mom, is it a mistake? Hospitals make mistakes!”

“I’m sorry, Honey, it’s no mistake. You’re going through denial. It’s the first step of grieving. Your dad died of a massive heart attack.”

“Mom, he said it would be less than six months, but I didn’t think ….”

“He didn’t know, Avery. Your dad felt like it would be quicker, but I’m sure he didn’t think it would be this quickly.”

“Mom, we can’t do without Dad!”

“Avery, we’re always going to miss him, but your dad made sure we would be OK financially. He took care of insurance and everything else. He loved us that much. He was a good husband and a good dad.”

“Oh, Mom, I’m sorry I didn’t want to play football when he wanted me to so bad!”

“But, you did play, and he was proud of you for that! Avery, at a time like this, it’s natural to have regrets. You realize that there are things you wanted to tell him; ‘I love you’ is usually first on the list. You told him last night, and many times before that verbally and in other ways. He knew you loved him by the look in your eyes when he came home. He mentioned to me that when he came in the door you always smiled and said, ‘Hey, dad’.’ He said that was his favorite time of the day. Several times he told me that he wondered what he did to deserve such a beautiful, loving child. When you love someone, they will feel it. He felt your love for him, and he loved you unconditionally in return. Still, you were so lucky to have that talk with him last night and tell him ‘I love you’ one last time.”

“You gonna call Jeff?”

“I’ll call the school. They’ll have someone break the news to him. I’m going to tell them not to let him drive. I’ll arrange for him to fly home. He’s going to feel bad that he wasn’t here.”

“What am I gonna do now?”

“Come with me to the hospital. I don’t want to leave you here by yourself.”

“I don’t want to be here by myself. I don’t want to be anywhere.”

“I know you’re confused. You don’t know what to do. The grieving process is not pleasant. You’re very young to lose your dad. Remember, it’s OK to cry. There’s no need to try to hold back the tears. Get some clothes on real quick and let’s go.”

They got into the car and headed out. This was a different world for Avery; a world without his dad. They passed a pedestrian, and Avery thought, “Why should that guy have life and my father none?” Thousands of thoughts went through his mind and it wasn’t long until the tears resumed. His mom gave him a tissue, and he dried his face and blew his nose. Yes, it’s OK to cry, but he didn’t want to walk through the halls of the hospital sobbing.

His mom seemed to read his thoughts, “People who work at the hospital see a lot of crying. Don’t worry about it.”

His mom gave her name at the front desk and there was no waiting. The receptionist turned around partially and called, “Anna?” A nicely dressed young lady came from a nearby office. Avery thought about his friend by that name and realized he wanted to talk to her. Now was not the time, however, because “Hospital Anna” was going to escort his mom and him through the maze of offices, paperwork, and interviews that must be maneuvered. The hospital knew that without help, a person who was already disoriented from the grief of losing a loved one would hardly be able to find their way through the complex process.

Anna offered her condolences and they began the journey. Even with Anna’s help, it was about two hours before they could go home. Avery thought the hospital put a lot of effort into making sure they got paid. The cashier seemed tense, but relaxed and smiled when she saw that she wasn’t dealing with a deadbeat. Because his dad had handled things so well, his mom would not be struggling to pay off an enormous hospital bill.

Finally, Anna told them that everything was completed. She again offered condolences and asked them if they had any questions. When Katie assured her that they had no questions, Anna said, “goodbye” and Avery’s mom thanked her and complimented her on how well she handled everything. Avery also thought she did a remarkable job. He figured that the hospital must have screened carefully to find a person suitable for this task. It was, after all, a difficult task, requiring a tactful person with a pleasant personality and a lot of patience.

When they got in the car to head home, Katie got on her phone and called Jeff’s school and told them what had happened. They would call Jeff in and tell him, and book a flight for him and send her a bill for the airfare. She clicked her phone and hung up. “Feeling better, Honey?”

“A little better, how about you, Mom?”

“I’ll make it, Honey. Do you want to call your friends?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’ll call in a few minutes. I’d hate to break down in the middle of a phone call. Maybe I’ll rest a little when we get home.” Actually, he wanted to wait so he could talk to his friends in private. He wasn’t concealing anything; he just liked his privacy.

They arrived at home and Avery’s mom told him, “Go rest a bit. I’m going to try to rest a little myself.”

Avery lay across his bed and thought about the last words he heard his dad utter, “my beautiful daughter”. How could he possibly know? He couldn’t know! This secret was so well concealed … well … he couldn’t know! Did Mom know? Suddenly, Avery knew why his mom was so adamant that they talk. Of course, she couldn’t know either. He smiled as he thought, “They couldn’t know … I barely know!” He realized there was a fact that he had to acknowledge; his dad knew and his mom knows. His mom would probably tell him where they got their information. Wait! He didn’t have to ask her! History! His parents gave him a computer with the requirement that they had the password! One of them looked at the “history” of his web browser. They would have found extensive searching for “sex change”, “gender change”, “male to female”, and the like. They would see the stories about cross-dressing and gender reassignment on “Big Closet”. He felt stupid. He could have easily erased those sites on his “history”. They wanted his password so they could make sure he wasn’t going to porn sites or possibly endangering himself by being careless with his personal information. He knew, of course, that there was no problem there, but as time passed he got careless. He thought that they would check things out when he first got the computer, find no problems, and see no need to continue monitoring.

Now, he realized that he may as well have announced at the dinner table, “Mom, Dad, I’m sick of trying to fit in as a boy. I’ve been researching the issue on the web and I want to get a sex-change.” He wondered why they didn’t confront him about the issue; to give him enough rope to hang himself? It didn’t matter. His mom wanted to “talk” and now he knew the subject. He was OK when he didn’t know they were onto him, but now he didn’t know if he could even face his mom. A boy wanting to be a girl was the subject of ridicule, jokes, even violence. It seemed like the idea was distasteful to everybody, and he had to explain to his mom why he was researching the issue on the web. That’s it!; A research paper for school! He was certain that she wouldn’t buy it for one second. She would look at him and say, “Really!”

Her “Really” would not be a question. It would not mean “Really? Oh, that’s what you were doing; I see!” It would mean, “Really! You can’t be thinking I’m gonna buy that!” He was trapped! He would have to say, “OK, Mom, you got me … I’m just a big thissy!” At the thought of himself saying that with a limp wrist he had to smile. Well, he either had to laugh or cry, and he was pretty sure his inventory of tears was depleted. He decided that he had to just get ready for the pain and be honest. How would he tell her? Ah! He would let her ask questions and he would answer honestly. Wait. Dammit! Yes, honestly! He would take his punishment. What? Grounded for life? Forced to go to the store in a dress? No, his mom would not submit him to humiliation. There was nothing he could do, but wait until his mom decided “talking” time was here.

Avery lay down and was able to sleep just a couple of hours. The rest of the day, He was barely functional. He would start working on something only to lose interest. Scenes of him with his dad kept coming back to his mind. Finally, he gave up, went back to bed, closed his eyes, and drifted off to sleep.

Due to the circumstances, Mom gave Avery a temporary deferment regarding discussion of what she knew were probably serious gender issues. It wasn’t discussed because they both realized they were in no condition to attack issues other than the one all-consuming issue at hand.

Jeff came home and big brother was at least as lost and disoriented over losing Dad as Avery. Jeff and his dad were like-minded about so many things and had developed an incredible father-son bond. Oh, the love between Jeff and Dad was not greater, but Avery could not watch a football game and discuss team statistics. Avery marveled at Jeff and Dad’s knowledge of pro football and baseball, but he could not work up an interest in those things himself. Avery’s areas of expertise were art, music, and especially fashion. Regarding fashion, he knew everything from, “don’t wear white after Labor Day” to “don’t wear cap sleeves if your shoulders are just a bit broad”, and a multitude of fashion rules, tips, etc. He actually didn’t know where he got some of his knowledge on the subject; that’s how it is when one pursues his or her passion. His parents would have been amazed (and possibly disappointed) if they became aware that he knew as much about fashion and the like as his father and brother knew about sports.

―――――――ʘ―――――――

The next few days were a blur. Avery accompanied his mom to make arrangements at the funeral home. He was much impressed by his mom’s knowledge of all things to be done following the death of a family member. Mom expressed her thanks for his support.

With big brother home, Avery didn’t have the privacy to do the things he wanted to do. Big brother was unabashed about showing his grief, and Avery tried in vain to remember seeing him cry before. Yes, Avery cried, but he was not his brother. The difference between them was a lot more than years. Jeff was all boy, and now was all man, where Avery was a tender, sensitive soul. Jeff didn’t mistreat his little brother but was sometimes just a bit embarrassed by him. He ceased to allow Avery to play baseball with the guys. Avery threw like a girl; “pushing” the ball from his shoulder, rather than using his arm to “fling” the ball like most boys do. A ball thrown by Avery would take a slow arc about 20 feet before dropping and rolling another yard or so. Avery tried, but couldn’t get the hang of throwing. He gave up out of embarrassment, and his brother mercifully allowed him to quit.

Still, there was brotherly love. Their father had taught them the value of family and loyalty to family. He wouldn’t tolerate bickering or insults among family members. He used to say, “You’ll love each other if I have to kill you!”

―――――――ʘ―――――――

The day of the funeral came. Avery was sure he had cried out all his tears, and he thought Jeff would be sure not to cry in front of the crowd either. He was wrong on both counts. Avery saw the strongest and best man he ever knew laid out in a coffin, and a fresh, new batch of tears flowed. Jeff unabashedly cried like a baby.
Also
The first man to address the congregation just had the task of giving the name of the deceased, the date and location of his birth, and a bit more information. The information included, “He leaves behind his wife, Katie, two sons, Jeffrey and Avery….”

Avery cringed at the words “two sons”. How much longer would she have to endure such insults? Oh well, the guy had no way of knowing.

The minister couldn’t have been over 5 ft. tall, and Avery expected him to speak in a nasal, high pitched voice. He had, however, the voice of a professional announcer. He opened his Bible and boomed out some verses: 'I’d like to read from Ecclesiastes 3, verses three through eight:

‘To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.’”

He closed his Bible and look at the mourners. “This is a time to mourn, for we will miss our brother. He was a strong man and a good man. He was quick to laugh …”

Avery went to his “room”. He was looking at the carpet between his feet, but thinking about his Dad’s last words to him, “My beautiful daughter”. Yes, he knew, and Mom knew. They probably knew better than he did. Avery thought about what he wanted. Could he do it? Could he take the abuse, name-calling, and possible violence that would come his way? Sitting there at his Dad’s funeral, he made a decision; not so much a decision as a realization. He wasn’t a boy. He had to “come out” and live as a girl. His Dad gave him permission, and his Mom was probably “on board”, too. He was ready for his talk with his mom. He had dreaded it, but now he knew he was at a turning point. He reached to his left and held his mom’s hand and put his head on her shoulder. He cared not if people thought it was strange. Dad is gone. Mom will be my strength and my guide through the uncertain times ahead. He looked across the room and saw his friend, Anna, who telegraphed her sympathy with her eyes. His mom and Anna would help him adapt to a new life. Being a girl couldn’t be that hard! Girls did it! He smiled to himself. He knew better. It would be complex, with many pitfalls. He had a head start. He already lived as a girl as much as possible without attracting a lot of attention. He looked forward to never again having to endure the stench of the boys’ locker room and hear the dirty jokes and the filthy language that boys thought made them sound tough. A lot of people think that girls put on an act, but Avery knew that boys were the bigger actors. Boys’ acts included being too tough to have feelings. If a boy had a girlfriend, he would say the filthiest things about her in the locker room. If Avery were to tell any of the girls what their boyfriends said about them, it’s doubtful they would believe him. He hardly believed it himself. If any of them did believe him, there would be hell to pay for the offending boyfriend. There would also be hell for Avery ….

“Come on,” Avery’s mom whispered. The room had emptied of everyone except the family. They were now to pass the coffin and view Dad for one last time. Avery tried to steel himself, but when he heard his mom and his brother crying it was no use. He sobbed uncontrollably.

“Oh, my Daddy!” Avery’s body went numb as a precursor to fainting. He felt some strong arms holding him upright. It was his brother. Despite his own grief, Jeff was holding him up, and Avery felt the love in his brother’s hands. With Jeff’s help, Avery managed to walk out of the room and into the bright sunlight where all the other mourners had gathered. Avery had always thought it odd how the mourners always watched as the family exited as if they were trying to make sure the family cried enough. If that was the case, Avery was sure he passed the test. The family got into a big, black limousine for the slow, somber ride to the cemetery. Policemen on motorcycles escorted the line of cars through red lights and stop signs. Cars coming the other direction pulled to the side of the road in respect. The limousine found the spot in the cemetery, and six men took the casket from the hearse and placed it under an open tent. The family sat in chairs provided by the funeral home. The casket remained closed. Avery realized bitterly that he would never lay eyes on his father again, and a fresh supply of tears began to trickle down his cheeks. The preacher said a few words and a prayer and the service was over. An attendant handed roses to the female members of the family … and Avery! How did he know? Avery had frequently been treated as a female regardless of his male clothing. He wondered if he had a female “aura”. He smelled his rose and knew that, after today, that smell would transport him back to this place and time. He would put the rose into a vase when he got home to be kept as long as it would last. He got back in the family car with the others for the ride back to the funeral home to get their car. They would get into their car and go to their home that would be missing one family member. It would be a very long time, if ever, before they became accustomed to Dad’s absence.

Mom whispered to Avery, “Can we talk when we get home?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Mom looked surprised, but said, “Good!”

At home, Avery couldn’t wait to get into some more comfortable clothes. He would have liked one of his dresses, but figured that was rushing things a bit. He put on jeans and a t-shirt and sat at the dining room table to wait for his mom. He got back up and went to put his rose in a vase. He filled the vase with water, cut the stem at an angle, and placed the vase in the center of the table. Now, he was ready. It took his mom about 10 minutes, but he waited patiently. When she came into the room, she looked a bit surprised. “Oh, I guess you are ready! She glanced at the rose. Did you know they only give roses to female family members?”

Avery smiled. “I wasn’t sure, but I thought that was the case.”

“You feel like you’re entitled to a rose?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

“Well, that tells me a lot. I think that takes care of most of our talk. All that remains is to work out the details.”

“Where is Jeff?”

“He headed to a friend’s house. I’ve talked with him about this. He’s a little freaked, but after he thought about it a little, he said, ‘Yeah, I can see it!’ I don’t think you get any hassle from him.”

“Cool.”

“So you’re a girl?”’

“Well, not physically, but in every other way, it seems like it.”

“Well, I already have an appointment for you with a therapist. It will be her job to take the guessing out of this and make sure this is not just a passing phase. I’m pretty certain it’s not, but we have to get an expert opinion.”

“When is the appointment?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Wow, why so fast?”

“It’s not fast really. How long have you felt like this?”

Avery thought a bit. “As long as I can remember.”

“So, you can see we’re not moving fast at all. We should have done something much sooner.”

“Mom, it will be OK this summer, but what about when I have to go back to school? I don’t think I can handle that.”

“Honey, we’ll work it out. We’ll start immediately after graduation. I wouldn’t expect you to just show up at school as a girl and tell everyone, ‘Surprise!’ If you want to, you can take a year or half a year off before starting college. That will give you some time to adjust.”

Avery smiled. Going back to his old school as a girl even for one day would be chaos, and he would be right in the middle of it. “Going back now as a girl wouldn’t be fun.”

“No, it wouldn’t. Honey, I know you’re tired with all the stress of today. In the morning, why don’t you move all your boy clothes over to one side of your closet and bring your secret stuff out of hiding... I have a feeling you have very good taste in clothing, and I would like to see what you have. For now, why don’t we relax, have some dinner, and get to bed early.”

“Ok, and Mom?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Thank you for making such a wonderful man my dad.”

“Wow! Thank you, Baby. I don’t think many kids would think to thank their moms for that! Only a very special child would say something like that.”

“Well, I’m thankful that when you married Dad you got one of the rare gems!”

“On top of everything, you have the makings of a poet!”

“I don’t think so. I think I heard that term somewhere.”

“Well, even if you borrowed it, I know you mean it from your heart. You’re right; your father was a rare gem.”

“Mom, I’m just gonna lay across my bed a little. It really has been a stressful day.”

“OK, Honey, rest as long as you like.”

Avery put on a nightie and snuggled into the bed. The silky nightie and the soft bed felt wonderful after a day filled with stress. Drifting off to sleep was easy.

It seemed like just seconds ago Avery had snuggled in a warm bed in a dark room. He awoke to a room that was bathed in sunlight. He headed toward the kitchen, stopping for a bathroom break. He found his mom at the kitchen table, reading some papers.

“Hello, Sweetie. Oh, we don’t go around the house in just a nightie. Go slip something on over it.”

“Sorry, Mom”

“Don’t be sorry. Little girls have to be taught.”

Avery smiled at that as he went back to his room to slip on an oversized t-shirt. The shirt featured a picture of Brad Pitt. Brad was one of those rare guys that Avery thought were cute. He walked back into the kitchen, sat down, and stared blankly.

“What’s the problem, Honey?”

“What was I supposed to do?”

“Dig all your girl clothing out of the hiding places and put them on one side of your closet, with your boy clothes on the opposite side.”

“That’s weird!”

“I know it feels weird but remember, I’ve already seen some of these clothes. The clothes are fun and pretty and you’ll enjoy wearing them, but you’ll miss out on one of the most fun and interesting things most girls experience.”

“What’s that?”

“Menstruation!”

“Yeah, I hate to miss out on that. I’ve heard it’s so much fun!”

“It’s a dirty job, but somebody else has to do it!”

“I would gladly suffer through it if it meant I could give you a grandchild, Mom.” Avery’s voice broke and a tiny tear started to form.

Katie held out her arms and Avery gladly accepted a hug. “Honey, we’ll put that responsibility on Jeff. You’ll be a wonderful aunt and adoption is always an option.”

“Thanks, Mom. I know how to be a great mom because I have a great example to follow.”

“Thank you, Honey!”

“Oh, I was talking about Anna’s mom.”

“Are you trying to get me to disown you?”

“Mom, you know I’m joking. If you were a bad mom, I wouldn’t joke like that. Mom, you’re so cool about this!”

“I am now. I was stunned when I first realized what was going on. Your dad seemed not to be fazed about it. He actually helped me to understand. He had done a lot of research on the subject and found that this is a serious matter and is rarely resolved without professional help. Even with that it is hardly ever ‘cured’ and there have been suicides linked to it. He said, ‘This is our child. We want her to be happy.’ After he saw what was happening he always referred to you in the feminine while the two of us were discussing it.”

“OK, Mom. I like that. One question?”

“Yes?”

“Did you really want a girl when you had me?”

“What a question! I love you more than ….”

“You’re dissembling! So you did want a girl!”

“I’ll never tell! Wait a minute … dissembling? Have you been secretly studying the dictionary?”

“Mom, it’s ok. You have a girl … one with a good vocabulary.”

“Oh, that’s right! I’m trying without much luck to get her to work on her closet!”

Avery stood up. “OK, I’m going. It’s a big job, with say … 400 dresses and ….”

“That’s probably pretty close. Let’s count them after you get them sorted out, OK?”

“OK, thanks, Mom. Actually, we don’t need any hangers. All my clothes are already on hangers.”

“… unlike your ‘boy’ clothes which never made it to hangers!”

“Well, it was hard for me to hang up someone else’s clothes!” Avery headed to his room to un-hide her clothes.

Avery’s cell phone buzzed. “Hello, Anna.”

“You OK?”

“Yeah. It’s good to hear from you.”

“Want some company?”

“I would love it … if you’re the company, that is.”

“Be there very soon.”

“You won’t believe what I’m doing.”

“What?”

“I’ll tell you when you get here.”

“OK.”

Anna couldn’t stand suspense. She would run the 2 blocks to his house. Avery went to the front door and she was there almost as soon as Avery was.

“Come in, beautiful.”

“Tell me! What?”

“I’m arranging my sock drawer.”

“Wow! Sounds exciting. Seriously, what?”

Avery told his friend about his dad’s last words, “My beautiful daughter”, and about his parents knowing all about his secret stash of clothing.

“My mom made me an appointment for a counselor to talk about whether I want to be a girl.”

“Really!? Avery, I’m so happy for you! Are you happy?”

“Yeah, but it’s not done, yet. Right now, she wants me to get all my clothes out and hang up my clothes separately from the boy clothes.”

“I’m gonna have a new girlfriend. I think I’m more excited than you are!” She noticed Avery’s eyes were welling up. “What?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been unhappy for so long. If it wasn’t for you and the other girls, I don’t know what I would have done.”

Avery’s mom came into his room right as Anna took Avery into a comforting hug and tears began to flow. “Y’all get a room! Oh, I guess y’all have a room. What’s the matter, Honey?”

“I don’t think she knows, Mrs. Parks. She’s gone through a lot lately.”

“Since you say ‘she’, I guess she has updated you on what’s going on.”

“Yes, ma’am. She’s happy, but she’s confused. It’s all a bit much.”

“I’ve really got it good, Mom. I just look like I’m gonna cry and I get a hug from the prettiest girl in school!”

“I could tell if you were faking. I know you too well, Avery.” Anna turned to Katie. “Don’t tell Avery I told you this, but she is the most sensitive, kind, caring, compassionate, unselfish person I’ve ever known.”

“Oh, I won’t tell her. She’s also humble, and I wouldn’t want her to lose that.”

“What?” Avery acted clueless. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening.”

“I’ll help you sort clothes,” Anna offered.

“Cool! I hope I can find them all. I’m pretty good at hiding.”

My mom smiled. “If you can’t find something, just ask me. I think I know where everything is.”

“Mom! You put me through a lot of stress by letting me think I was hiding this stuff!”

“Well, you enjoyed being sneaky!”

“Maybe a little.”

Anna was growing impatient. “Dig ‘em out, Avery! Let’s see what you have. Maybe do some try-ons.”

Avery moved “boy” clothes aside and got the dresses, tops, and skirts hanging on hooks on the wall behind them. He got two pairs of shoes from a shelf that could only be seen by someone going into the closet, turning around, and looking up. He got makeup, nail polish, and various other items from secret compartments in his dresser drawers.

“Wow, you’re good!”

“Thanks, Anna, but I’m glad I don’t have to hide this stuff anymore.”

Anna got an outfit together and put it in the bathroom. “Put this on, then I’ll do your makeup.”

Avery went into the bathroom and put on the skirt, top, and shoes that Anna had put in there for her, then obediently went and sat down at the dresser to have her makeup done. Anna put just a little makeup on her, saying, “Less is more.” Then she started brushing Avery’s hair. “You have thicker hair than a lot of girls I know … and it has a beautiful texture. Maybe we can take you to a salon. They can cut just a little, but mostly it needs a feminine shape to it.”

Avery’s mom came in just then and was somewhat taken aback. “Oh, Anna, you’re an artist!”

“Well, it’s just a really good raw material. Avery was meant to be a girl.”

“Avery, I want to say something. There’s no sense keeping it from you any longer. I wanted a girl when you were born.”

“I knew it! You got one, Mom!”

“It’s obvious to me now! I know it seems like we’re moving fast, but there are two factors at play here. One is your age. It won’t be long until puberty sets in. If we wait too long, I could end up with a daughter with a beard. The other factor is that we’re actually not moving too fast. We just got a late start and we need to catch up. Avery, you’ve been dealing with this on your own for a very long time. Your dad and I had been talking about this for a while. He knew this had to be handled soon, and he made me promise I would take care of this because he also knew he would not be around long enough to do it. He knew. That’s why he said the things he said to you. He didn’t want you to think you would be doing something that he wouldn’t want or something to disrespect his memory. He knew you were struggling, you needed help and he would have supported you if he were here.”

Avery’s tears were now flowing, so he looked at Anna with the tears in his eyes and said, “Well?” She obligingly hugged him long and close.

Mom smiled at the two kids. “Anna, I’m glad Avery has you, and I’m glad I have you. I’m afraid things are going to be tough around here before too long and we’re going to need all the help we can get.”

“Mrs. Parks, I have loved Avery from the moment I met … her. When you say all those good things about her it reminds me of a term I heard in church: ‘Preaching to the choir’. In other words, trying to convince someone of something they already believe. I feel like I’m lucky to have Avery for a friend, and it will be a labor of love to help her become the girl she was meant to be. I’ve done some with her hair and makeup, but we need to take her to a salon to get her hair done and get her nails in shape.”

It was Avery’s time for input. “For makeup, I’m fine with ‘less is more’, but when it comes to nails, I want red. Not pink, not kind of red, not see-through red; I want red.”

“Anna, if I’m hearing her right, I think she wants red for her nails.”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m getting that vibe.”

“Well, Honey, are you ready for a trip to the salon? This will be the first, but definitely not the last.”

“Yes, ma’am, but I still have to go to graduation.”

“You can tuck your hair under your cap. As for nail polish, fold your arms and no one will see. Or, maybe just let them see it. Do you care at this point?”

“I’ll have to think about that.”

Anna gave me a little hug, “Are you excited, Avery?”

“Yes, I am. Mom, you said you talked to Jeff about this. What did he have to say?”

“He was a little surprised, but he realizes that times have changed. He’s heard of this type of thing; he’s just a little surprised that it’s so ‘close to home’. I asked his opinion, and he said, he would back you 100%, and wouldn’t stand for anyone subjecting you to ridicule or violence. You’re very lucky to have a big brother like him. Now, on to the salon! Anna, can you go with us?”

“I’m sure I can. I’ll just text my mom that I’m going shopping with y’all. I’ll explain it to her later.”

Mom stopped. “Oh, a couple of things I forgot to mention. Just a second.” She left the room and came back with padded panties, a waist clincher, and a bra with inserts. “This stuff will give you a nice shape until you get hormones and your body gets a feminine shape without ‘help’”.

Katie called her favorite salon and found they had an opening in about two hours. The trio headed out to have some lunch before Avery’s virgin salon visit. When Avery stepped out of the door at her home, “self-conscious” would have been an understatement. The hem of her dress was 3 inches above her knee. Her 2-inch heels added to her discomfort. She told herself, “You’ll get used to this, but it will be a very long time.” Actually, she began to become accustomed to her new outfit and persona during this outing.

“Avery when you walk,” Anna suggested, “bend your arms slightly and put the palms of your hands forward. Take short steps putting one foot directly in front of the other, and keep your feet almost parallel to the ground. This will make it almost impossible to walk like a boy.”

Anna was right. This was better than concentrating on the hips. When Avery took this advice, the hip movement came naturally.

They had a leisurely lunch and Avery got numerous tips about table manners as a girl. She thought back and realized that he had seen some of the differences in how girls behave at the table, but he had accepted these differences as just the way things were. She also realized that it would look odd for a girl to have the lack of manners at the table that a boy exhibits, and recognized that she had a lot to learn. It was, after all, “a whole different sex”! One thing that she concentrated on was keeping her knees tightly together. Anna told her that, even if she got everything else right, open knees would make people wonder about her reputation.

Avery was very pleasantly surprised by her salon visit. Never had she experienced such comfort and luxury. It felt different and wonderful to have people make such a fuss over her. She got her red fingernails and toenails. Her hair was washed, dried, trimmed, and shaped. The salon girl trimmed and brushed repeatedly and it felt like she was losing a lot of hair. When her hair was done, her chair was turned around for her to view the result. To say she was stunned would be an understatement. Avery looked in the mirror and a beautiful teen-aged girl looked back. She could scarcely believe that this beauty was her and she was almost embarrassed that she couldn’t stop smiling. The sheet that had been placed over her was removed; an indication the job was finished.

She got out of the chair, a bit stiff from sitting and being pampered. She was happier than she had been in her entire life. She felt that with just a little jump, she could float on air. The three of them stepped out of the salon just as Michael Collins, the school quarterback, walked by. He smiled at Anna and Avery, then looked backed after he passed them. He apparently only saw two beautiful girls, with either no recognition or a feeling of “don’t I know those girls from somewhere?”. Avery realized she had never seen Michael smile like that, especially not at her … or him.

As they got into the car to head home, Avery suggested, “Mom, if he doesn’t know me I don’t think anyone will. Maybe I could just go back to school with just a name change.”

“I wish you could, but that’s the kind of thing that would almost work, then blow up in our faces one day with disastrous results.”

Avery realized her mom was right. She had a talent for knowing things like that. Being exposed like that at school would be nothing short of disastrous. She still wanted a name change, though. “Avery Lynn Parks” could be a boy or a girl, and she wanted a name that left no doubt.

Katie’s cell phone buzzed. “Hello.” … “Speaking” … “Yes”

There was a long pause as the person on the other end of the call spoke.

“Wow! That’s great! I’m sure we’ll need it! What about tomorrow morning? Great! See you at 9:00 AM tomorrow!”

She clicked the phone off and looked at the two girls. “Avery, your dad continues to amaze me; even now.”

“What is it, Mom?”

“Recently, your dad contacted an attorney and talked with him about his medical situation and your situation. He paid the attorney a retainer and has a fund set up should the legal bill go higher. The attorney will help with any legal issues regarding your gender change. We meet with him tomorrow morning.”

“I’m gonna have legal problems?”

“Oh, yes! Wait and see. Just about anybody who can give you a hassle will do it.”

”It’ll be good to have a lawyer on our side.”

“That’s not all. The attorney has the account number of the money and he’s going to give it to me. He’s going to accept the retainer as full payment for everything he’s going to do regarding this. He had this kind of thing in his own family.”

“Wow. That’s cool!”

“Now, since you’re my daughter, I get to choose your name. You get no input because children usually get no choice when the name is decided. You’ll be ‘Dorothy June’. You’ll be called ‘Dottie’ for short.”

“Mom, if I had any clue that you were serious, I’d pitch a fit. I know you wouldn’t do that to me.”

“You’re right, Honey. It’s your choice … as long as it’s not “Sunshine” or “Tulip.”

“Aw, Mom, that knocks out two of my favorites!”

“Well, you have to live with it.”

“I think I’m gonna be Amy Lauren Parks.”

“That’s nice. Stick with that. Oh, Amy?”

“Yes, Mommy?”

“Come here.” She reached out her arms and received her daughter in a loving hug. “I love you so much. I wish your dad could be here to see you change into the daughter you were meant to be. It’s not always going to be fun or easy, but … ”, she reached out one arm to Anna, “thank God for Anna.”

“I won’t be the only one helping, Mrs. Parks. Avery … Amy has a group of girlfriends who love her. Most of them will help. There will be a few who won’t understand and don’t want to be involved for religious or other reasons. It won’t be many. She’ll have a lot of support.”

“Great! Tomorrow after your appointment will be your official start. You will be becoming my little girl … my sweet little girl. I don’t know which of us is happier.”

“Mom, I don’t know how you could be happier than I am. I feel like I’ve been putting on an act, and now I’m beginning to live for real.”

“Welcome to the real world, my sweet little Amy!”

Anna added, “Welcome to teen-aged girl world. It’s a great world … most of the time. We have our rough spots, which usually involve boys. How do you feel about boys?”

“Boys are OK as long as they know their place. I for sure never wanted to be one.”

“What about dating?”

“Dating a boy is hard for me to imagine, but people say ‘never say never’. I love girls! I’ve heard guys talking among themselves about girls, and it’s appalling! A guy will say the filthiest things; even about the girl he’s dating! Some of the things I’ve heard, I wish I could ‘unhear’! They talk about girls as if they were less than human! Of course, all the filth magically disappears when they’re around girls. I guess I just know too much about guys to have a relationship with one. Just some of the things they say and do are enough to never want to call myself a male.”

“So, dating boys may be unlikely; what about girls?”

Amy involuntarily glanced at Anna, then quickly looked down. Anna smiled.

Katie saw the look and the smile. “Hmmm. No sleepovers for you two!”

“Mom! Anna’s just a good friend!”

“Yes, I realize now that she may be a much better friend than I realized … maybe better than either of you realized!”

“Mom, you’re embarrassing us!”

“You mean your mom is embarrassing you.”

“I see,” Katie commented, “Amy, you’ve given quite an indictment of males! You’ve thought about this for a long time and your passion comes through when you speak about it. I was aware of your feminine side, but now I see it runs deeper than I ever imagined. Be sure you make your counselor aware of the way you feel!”

Anna spoke up, “I think she’s a radical feminist!”

“I just think it’s unfair that such rotten people are in charge of almost everything.”

“Amy,” mom continued, “I think the boys you’re talking about are in the minority. Those are the ones you’ve noticed, and that’s what they crave; attention. Most of them grow out of such foolishness. The ones who don’t sit in bars and spout the same old poison to each other and brag about their imaginary conquests. Do you think your dad talked like that when he was young?”

“No way! I can’t even imagine that! Dad was ….” Amy’s voice broke. “Well, Mom, you know what Dad was. He was ….” Her voice broke again. “I don’t know … it just sounds so strange to use the past tense ‘he was’.”

“OK, Honey. I know it’s hard, but if he could see you right now, he would be so proud! He realized he had a daughter. It’s just a shame that he never got to see her. Actually, toward the end, he began to see you as his daughter. That’s why he said the things he said to you in the hospital. He told me once ‘she’s so pretty’. He was way ahead of me on this issue. I couldn’t believe it, but he told me to watch you and see if I saw a son or a daughter. When he said that, I did watch you, and I saw what I was missing even though it right in front of me for a long time. I knew about the secret wardrobe, of course, but I thought it was a phase that some boys go through. Your dad and I both educated ourselves on the issue, and we realized that we were trying to raise a daughter as a son. That is a frustrating prospect. I just wish we had brought this to light when we first realized what we were dealing with, but we put it off. We knew it would be at least as difficult for you as it would be for us. But it wasn’t difficult at all once I got you open up. Going out with my daughter is not difficult; it’s a pleasure. I didn’t realize what I was missing.”

“Mrs. Parks, at first the girls in our group thought Avery … uh … Amy was gay. But when we talked about boys he … she never expressed any interest. To me, it seems clear now that Amy is gay … lesbian, that is! What do you say, Amy?”

“I think you’re right unless I learn to like boys. Scratch that … there are some things I don’t think I can learn!”

“In that case,” added Mom, “when she gets married, instead of losing a daughter, I’ll be gaining a daughter. I don’t think I’ll ever have too many daughters! Oh, I love Jeff, but there is a saying. ‘A son is yours until he takes a wife. A daughter is yours for the rest of your life.”

“Having a son is wonderful, but a daughter is someone a mother can bond with. It’s a lot more than just shopping together. It’s a very special bond that grows stronger with time. I realize only now that I have felt that special bond with Av… Amy. Even so, it felt kind of strange bonding like that with him. Now, everything seems to be falling into place and things that seemed strange or unusual make total sense. It makes me wish John were here so he could see how right he was about you, Amy. I’ll say it again, your dad would be proud. He was proud of you as a boy, and he would be proud of you now. Maybe God allows humans a certain amount of ‘proud in their lifetime. John had a lot of reasons to be proud of his children. He also gave us a lot of reasons to be proud of him. To just say he was a good man doesn’t cover it. Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go on like that.”

“It’s OK, Mrs. Parks. It came from the heart and it was beautiful! I only knew him as ‘Avery’s Dad’, but now I wish I had known him better. Men like that are pretty rare these days.”

“Mom, I guess I’ll adjust. They say death is a part of living. I console myself by thinking he’s in a better place and he wouldn’t come back if he could. I realize now that when he hugged me and called me his ‘beautiful daughter’, that was a precious time that I will remember and treasure forever.”

“Amy, you be the best girl you can be, and grow into the best woman you can be, and that will be the best way you can honor his memory.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

They pulled into the driveway at home. “Well, girls, does a ‘try-on’ party sound good to y’all?”

Anna spoke first, “If Amy doesn’t want to, I’ll try on some of her stuff. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it!”

Amy thought for a second. “Seems like I heard that recently, only in some other context. Girls have a lot of tough jobs, don’t they?”

“Oh, no! Femaledom is a piece of cake! Don’t worry about it!” She gave Anna a big wink.

Anna spoke up, “I know you won’t deny your best friend a try-on if she finds something irresistible. I have a couple of items in mind. Mrs. Parks, your daughter is a very skilled shopper. Her taste is incredible!”

“Maybe someday I can get a job shopping!”

“They do have a job like that. They call them ‘buyers’, but I’m sure it’s not as much fun as the shopping we do!”

“Right! They probably don’t get to do try-ons'!”

The three women went up to what used to be Avery’s room. The room looked only somewhat like a boy’s abode and would soon be a plush feminine refuge. The try-ons began in earnest. It wasn’t just Amy’s party. Mrs. Parks found some items she liked and was surprised to find that they fit. She and Amy agreed not to be stingy with their clothes, but to share freely. Anna found two outfits that complemented her looks so well that Amy insisted she take them home. After some mild protest, Anna graciously agreed to accept them as gifts.

Amy went into the restroom for about 5 minutes, then called out, “Oh, Mom, I have a crazy idea.”

“Amy, coming from you, the term ‘crazy idea’ is almost redundant.”

Amy smiled and held up a slinky mini-dress with sequins. “I want to wear this under my graduation gown.”

“Yes!” Anna was all for it.

“Now, Anna, I know Amy is serious, but do you think she can handle it?”

“Yes, ma’am. No one will see what’s under her gown during graduation. Her hair will be tucked up under her cap, she can keep her hands folded so no one will notice her nail polish, and I will do her ‘less is more’ makeup. When the formalities of graduation are over everything will be total chaos. If someone notices and wants to say something, screw ‘em! We’re done with high school! With my last name ‘Phillips’, I won’t be far from her; neither will Sarah Nelson or Karen Price. We’ll help her blend in as soon as we’re dismissed, and reinforcements will arrive soon after that!”

“Thanks, Anna. I gotta wear this dress now!”

Katie relented. “It’s your party. You might not believe it, but nothing like this happened at my graduation.”

“Really, Mom? I thought it would be pretty common!”

“It might be in the future. You could be a trendsetter.”

“I’d like to be a trendsetter, but not for this. This will be fun, but for most of the people there I hope it’s like, ‘What the hell is wrong with those girls?’”

Anna smiled, “It won’t be the first someone said that about our little group. I’m sorry that we will be so split up among different colleges.”

“Probably better for the colleges,” observed Mrs. Parks.

If possible, the girls were looking forward to graduation day even more. They decided that, for secrecy, the only girls in on the plan were Amy, Anna, Sarah Nelson, and Karen Price. Not that anyone would talk. Of course not; teen-aged girls don’t talk much, do they? The more people involved the more chance someone could “slip”,“ Well, I told a few people, but I told them not to say anything!” That would never happen!

The four girls rode to the stadium together, taking care to arrive just in time. That reduced waiting time. When they got there, Anna pulled Amy aside and gave her a white tablet. “Amy, I know you don’t take drugs and neither do I … usually. But desperate times … you know how it goes. This will take the edge off and make the whole affair much easier.”

“You’re sure?”

“Amy, you know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you!”

“What is it?”

“Vicodin.”

“It contains Codeine.”

“Are you OK with that?”

“Yeah, the doctor gave me a script once when I sprained my ankle.”

“Good! So we know you’re not allergic to it. It didn’t knock you out or anything did it?”

“No, it made the pain go away and made me feel good!”

“Good, just don’t get to feeling too good and do something crazy!”

“I won’t. Don’t worry!” Amy found a water fountain and took the pill.

The four girls headed into the stadium. Anna had always been the leader as usual. She advised, “Let’s stick together as long as possible.”

A self-imagined ladies’ man, Butch Brennan attempted to block their way to impress them with his clever chatter. He found it was kind of like trying to block a flow of water. “Hey, girls, wait! What’s the hurry?” He spotted Amy and his eyes widened. “Hey, do we have a new girl? What’s your name babe?”

“I can’t be very new if I’m graduating, can I? Instead of worrying about my name, you better check and make sure your name is on the list of graduates or you might be leaving here empty-handed!”

The girls kept moving, unappreciative of this gift from God. He called out, “Catch ya’ later, babe!”

“It’s sad,” Anna commented. “He thinks he’s irresistible!”

“Based on personal research, I think every boy at school with very few exceptions has a similar opinion of himself,” Amy added.

The girls found their places. Amy couldn’t believe her luck. On one side, her neighbor was a “goth” girl, whose entire conversation consisted of, “Hey.”

On her other side was an obviously very religious girl dressed in long sleeves, a skirt down to her ankles, and her long hair done up in a bun. She had on not one spot of makeup and she sat meekly with her knees and ankles together. She seemed to find Amy interesting but tried not to show it.

Amy saw that the other members of her team were in place, so she settled in to endure the introductions and speeches. The medicine Anna gave her started to kick in, and Amy thought, “No wonder people get hooked.” She thought of a plan. “When they hand me my diploma, I’ll turn to the audience and say, ‘Fellow students, teachers, administrators, and other concerned persons, I want to introduce myself. I am the former ‘Avery Lynn Parks’, but I have decided to become a female and will hence be known as ‘Amy Lauren Parks’. Thank you and good day.’” She smiled to herself and thought, “Wow, this better be the last time I take this medicine.”

The countdown had started with, Paul Henry Aaron. Amy began to wonder if she could do this. “You don’t have a choice, so just do it!” she told herself.

“Sarah LeeAnn Nelson”, the announcer called. The first of Amy’s group! Amy took a deep breath. Just one “Oliver”, one “Parker”, then … showtime!

“Lisa Mae Parker.” Amy watched the goth girl defiantly walk up to the stage. Amy was next.

She was near tears. She closed her eyes and whispered, “I can’t do this!”

Then, she heard her dad’s voice as clearly as if he were standing next to her, “Go your own way, my beautiful daughter.” She quickly opened her eyes and looked around. It was so real! She had heard her dad’s voice!

“Avery Lynn Parks.”

Amy smiled and stood. “Here I go, Daddy!” She walked proudly up to and across the stage, received her diploma, and shook hands with the principal. As she walked toward the stage exit, she looked to the sky, blew a kiss straight up into the air, and said, “I love you, Daddy!” She had done it, and her dad was there when she needed him!

The crowd applauded. Very few knew the whole story, but her actions made clear the sentiment behind her words and actions.
”
“Misty Kay Patterson.” All eyes (almost) now turned to the meek little Christian girl as Amy walked confidently to her seat. She sat back to “chill”.

The four co-conspirators found each other with relative ease and were able to get to the car and begin and exit before the traffic jam.

“We did it,” Anna exclaimed. “How was it, Amy? You didn’t look nervous at all!”

“For a while, I didn’t think I would make it, but I got some unexpected help.”

“The medicine helped!”

“It helped some, but I was talking about someone who gave me some words of encouragement.”

“Oh, who was that?”

“My dad!”

“What?”

“Just when I was at my lowest point, I heard my dad say, ‘Go your own way, my beautiful daughter.”

“Wow!”

“It wasn’t my imagination! I heard him as if he were standing right next to me. That’s why I was so confident when I walked up on the stage.”

“Amy’s dad was an amazing man,” Anna told the other two girls. “I wish I had got to know him better.”

Amy continued, “If y’all want to have a party or something, please just drop me off at my house. I’m gonna get my mom to take me to visit my dad.”

“Ok,” Anna said. “I would offer to go with you, but I’m sure you’d rather go alone. Always remember, we’re your friends and we’ll be there if you need support.”

“Thanks, y’all.”

Anna pulled into Amy’s driveway. Amy smiled. “Y’all celebrate, but don’t have too much fun.”

“Tell your dad we said ‘hi’.”

“I will. Thanks again for everything.”

She walked into the kitchen. Her mom reached out her arms and Amy went in to get a congratulatory hug.

“Honey, you were amazing. You walked out there like you owned the place! Was that an act? Were you actually nervous?”

“Mom, I wasn’t nervous at all. Well, I was for a while, but I got words of encouragement from a man who loves me unconditionally!”

“Now, who would that be? I’d like to meet him. He must be wonderful!”

“It was Dad!”

Katie froze with wide eyes and open mouth.

“Mom, are you OK?”

“Yes … I’m …. Oh, Amy … tell me …. Did you see him?”

“No, I had my eyes closed as they got closer to my name on the list. I had just told myself that I couldn’t walk up on the stage and get my diploma, but he spoke to me as plain as if he were right next to me. He said, ‘Go your own way, my beautiful daughter,’ just like he said that last night at the hospital. When he spoke, I suddenly gained confidence that I couldn’t have gotten from anyone else.”

“That’s why you blew him a kiss and told him ‘I love you’ after you got your diploma! Amy, your father was a blessing to us. Actually he is a blessing, even now. Often when someone dies, the most frequent regret of family and friends is ‘I didn’t say I love you often enough. Even though I told your dad I loved him many times, I’m not sure it was enough. He was such a selfless, giving man I …” her voice broke. “I’m at a loss for words. I’ll just say, ‘Follow his example of loving, caring, and giving. This is the way to honor his memory.’ Now, he’s coming back to encourage you when you need it desperately. That’s got to be the ultimate case of ‘going above and beyond the call of duty!”

“That’s my dad!”

“So, graduation is over. Your friends are celebrating?”

“Yes, ma’am, they’re going somewhere to celebrate, but I’d like to go visit Dad. Would you take me to the cemetery?”

“Of course! That’s a wonderful idea! I think that you going there today seems like exactly what his daughter would do. Let’s go down there now. Are you ready?”

“I’m ready! I want to show him my diploma and my dress.”

So Katie Parks and Amy Parks (still in her slinky mini-dress with sequins) left to go visit John Houston Parks; family man, patriot, a man of character, a man whose departure left the world just a little poorer and a little less loving. The world wouldn’t notice. He left, however, a son (now a daughter) in whom he had tried to instill these traits, and a son who would hopefully instill these traits into his progeny

Amy stood holding her mom’s hand for a little, then she knelt next to her dad’s headstone and prayed. “God, I thank you for my dad. Even though you had to bring him to You, I thank you for the time we had with him. I was blessed to have him as my dad, and I promise to continue the loving, caring, and giving that he embodied. Be with me, Lord, and help me keep this vow. Amen.”

Amy and her mom held hands as they walked back to the car. Near the horizon, dark clouds separated, allowing the sun to shine through brightly.

The End

The heat was record-breaking. Most of the businesses in town were well equipped for hot weather, but the air conditioners at the high school couldn’t keep up and it was 80 ͦ in the coolest part of the school. Most of the girls were coping pretty well, as skirts and dresses got shorter and thinner. But the dress code proscribed the wearing of shorts, so the boys suffered in long pants while the girls managed to get a cool breeze on their nether regions.

“It’s not fair,” I told my best friend, Jody Cameron. “I’m not complaining about the short skirts, they’re beautiful, but what the hell is wrong us wearing shorts.”

Jody had a plan. “Tell you what, Chris, let’s talk to the principal. He’s gotta be hot, too! We’ll ask him if he can suspend the rule against wearing shorts, or just do away with it. It’s outdated, anyway!”

In ‘best friends’ relationships, there is usually a dominant person and a submissive. Without a doubt, Jody was dominant. He was bigger and stronger because he had matured much faster than I had. When we met we were almost the exact same height and weight, but puberty worked its magic on him, and I could see him get bigger almost daily. He grew to over six feet tall while I grew from 5’ 0” to 5’ 2”. His voice changed very quickly, while mine reinforced the idea that, to most people, I looked and sounded like a teen-aged girl. Jody also had the more dominant personality; I couldn’t deny that even if I wanted to. I didn’t want to, though, because I was happy with the way our relationship worked. I liked Jody a lot and I told him that but, of course, I would never tell him I loved him because … well … a guy doesn’t say that to another guy. Even saying, “I like you a lot” got a questioning look from him.

Still, I wondered how he felt about our relationship. There were a few times when I thought he wanted to say something tender or intimate, but he seemed to chicken out at the last moment. Once, we were studying together at my house, he put his hand behind my neck and pulled me closer to him. I was sure he was going to kiss me. I closed my eyes as he got closer and he whispered into my ear, “I gotta get home, it’s late.” I don’t think he did it to hurt me, but it was another instance of him losing his nerve at the last minute. Still, after he left, I cried. We had known each other for three years, I had fallen in love with him, and my love was growing. I was certain he felt the same way, but couldn’t seem to bring himself to tell me. I was afraid if I said something it would be the end of our friendship. There was no way I could have that happen. I didn’t feel like I was gay, because I wasn’t really attracted to boys in general, but Jody was different. He treated me so gently … almost like he would treat a very young child or even a girl. I reciprocated with dedication and respect, and I would do almost anything for him. So, we had a relationship that we both seemed to understand, but neither was able to talk about openly. After the disappointment during our study time, though I realized that there was no way he would ever tell me, “I love you.” I tried to live with that realization, but couldn’t help but hold onto a tiny bit of hope.

Jody was handsome in an “Ashton Kutcher” kind of way. He didn’t pay a lot of attention to his looks because he could run a comb through his hair in the morning and be beautiful. The girls loved him, of course, and he loved girls. He never went with one particular girl, and I don’t think he was sexually active. He was popular, but he wasn’t the “exclusive” popular type; i.e. the type that only associates with other popular kids. Jody was friendly to anyone, and he treated everyone with respect. He wasn’t into sports; he was more into computers and books and he made excellent grades, apparently without trying.

Girls liked me too, but more like a friend, a little brother or, given my somewhat feminine looks, a sister or one of their girlfriends. I made good grades, too, and shared Jody’s love of computers. We were a good match, and we were the best of friends.

Jody lived with his mom. His dad had left them years ago and I had never met him. Jody stayed in touch with his dad, but his mom and his dad apparently didn’t communicate.

So, when Jody said we should talk to the principal, I agreed and we made an appointment to see the “head man”.

When we walked into the principal’s office, we noticed that it was much cooler than any other place in the building.

“Well, what is it, boys?”

“Well,” Jody began, “it’s been so hot recently and the school air conditioners don’t seem to be working very well. We were wondering if maybe the rule against wearing shorts could be suspended or done away with.”

“So, you’re hot!”

“Yes, sir.”

“When I was in high school, we didn’t even have air conditioning, and we did just fine.”

“But, sir, the girls can wear short dresses or skirts and I’m sure that’s cooler, but we have to wear long pants. It gets really hot ….”

“So do you want to wear dresses or skirts?” He chuckled sarcastically.

“No sir, I’m just saying we need some way to stay cool.” He paused a few seconds, then continued, “You know, maybe a dress or a skirt would be cooler.”

Now he laughed out loud. “That, I’d like to see! Look, boys, I’m busy. I’ll fix the weather. Give me until October or November and I’ll make it cooler outside. I can do that because I’m the principal! For now, goodbye. If y’all want to wear dresses and skirts, be my guest! Just don’t wear your skirt too short!” He was still chuckling as we left.

When we left the principal’s office, Jody was smiling, but I was really discouraged. “What do we do now?”

“You mean you don’t know?”

“Uh … no. What can we do?”

“Think, Chris. We’re gonna do what he advised us to do!”

“Wait until October?”

“No! We gonna be cool in skirts and dresses!”

“Oh, no. We’ll get in trouble for sure!”

“No way! We have the principal’s permission! Let me quote him, ‘If y’all want to wear dresses and skirts, be my guest! Just don’t wear your skirt too short!’”

“Yeah, but the other guys ….”

“Why should they say anything? They’ll be wearing the same thing! We’ll have a big protest and they’ll be glad to help! We’ll make it a dare, ‘Do you have the balls to be cool?’ We need to get that message to every guy in school. It’s early in the day. We should be able to reach everyone and execute the plan tomorrow.”

“Might work.”

“It’ll also piss off Hammond; an added benefit.”

I felt my heart filled with admiration for Jody!

Our school work suffered as we worked the rest of the school day spreading the word. Everyone was agreeable to the plan, provided that they weren’t the only one doing it. We told doubters to bring a pair of pants in case they chickened out. Most of the girls got involved by lending clothing to their brothers or other guys who needed it.

I borrowed a mini-dress from my sister. She told me I had to wear a pair of her shoes, too. My hair was already long, so she styled it and put just a little makeup on me. When I looked into the mirror, I realized that if the guys got into trouble, I could easily be overlooked. I could imagine the principal telling me, “Excuse me, miss. Hey, you over there in the mini-skirt! Detention!” I smiled at the thought.

My sister saw me smile. “So you like it!”

Of course I liked it, but I was so absorbed in admiring myself that I almost forgot my sister was there. “I don’t think the idea is to actually look like a girl, but I’m OK, I guess.”

“You guess!? You look good!”

“This is crazy, Claire! I guess I do look good!”

“You do, but it’s just temporary. I don’t want to be sharing my clothes from now on!”

“The principal won’t be able to take much of this. He’ll give in!”

“I don’t know. He was very stubborn when the fight erupted over the cheerleaders’ uniforms!”

“Well, visual aids are a good teaching tool, and that’s what we’re gonna use.”

“She opened a drawer and got out some panties and a bra. You gotta have a bra with some kind of padding to make the dress fit right, and you simply can’t wear those ugly ‘tighty whities’ under that beautiful dress. May as well go all the way. Let me know when you want to go shopping for some dresses and skirts.”

Jody couldn’t hide his surprise when he saw me. “Babe! You’re lookin’ … I mean … Chris, you look ... good.”

“Thanks, Jody!” I did a little spin and made the hem of the dress flare out a bit.

“Honestly, you’re pretty!”

He stood, staring at me. I was in heaven! I smiled my prettiest smile and spoke in a ‘girl’ voice. “What is it, Jody? Do you want to kiss me?” (The word “kiss” sounded a little like “kith”) This was my chance to see if he would kiss me. If not, Hey! I was only joking!

“No! Let’s get to school!”

But I wasn’t joking, and my feelings were hurt by the stern way he told me ‘no’. I say ‘a little, but I was deeply hurt and actually had to hold back my tears. I have always been super sensitive. A boy has to hide that, though. If I allowed myself to cry … or show hurt feelings in any way around other kids, I would be ridiculed and called names. Jody wouldn’t call me names, but he wouldn’t be able to maintain a friendship with a “cry-baby” without the name-calling beginning to rub off on him. It was weird, of course, walking to school in my sister’s mini-dress. I’m sure Jody was uncomfortable in the skirt and blouse he had borrowed from his mom. Of course, he looked like a boy in girls’ clothing, which was part of the point of the protest. The panties my sister insisted I wear were incredibly thin. I was cool down below, but it made me constantly aware that my dress extended down only two or three inches more than the panties. I made sure I had a hand free in the event the wind picked up. That, along with my rejected offer of a kiss made things tense. As we approached the school, however, we began to see the results of our communications on the previous day. I was beginning to think I wasn’t going to see a pair of long pants. I finally saw a few, though, because you can’t expect total cooperation on something like this. Our success made it possible to get over my feelings of rejection and focus on the job at hand.

Principal Hammond was on the front steps of the school arguing with a football player in a dress with an empire waist. Where he found a dress big enough was a mystery. I told Jody to wait while I casually strolled by as they argued. The principal looked right at me and gave me his fake smile with the curled upper lip, then continued arguing. After I passed, I motioned for Jody to come on. When he got closer, the principal stopped him. “Mr. Cameron, where’s your pal, Mr. Davis? Y’all are the ones who started all this mess. I’m gonna have a little meeting with the two of you.”

“He just passed you a minute ago. You didn’t see him? But this is what you told us to do! It really is cooler. Thanks, Principal Hammond.”

The principal mumbled something. I’m pretty sure it was profanity. “Go on to your class. I’ll send a note when I’m ready for you.” He gave up arguing and went toward his office looking at everyone he passed … including me. He didn’t recognize me when he looked right at me again. He would find me, though. All he had to do is send a note to my first-period class and I would have to go down to the office and face the music.

Sure enough, I didn’t even have time to get bored in first period before one of the office helpers delivered a ‘summons’. I walked to the office and found Jody already in the waiting room. The principal came and invited us in. He did a double-take when he saw me. He probably remembered seeing me before and giving me that “smile”. He seemed especially cordial, given the reason for our visit.

He was clearly amused. He looked like he wanted to laugh about the situation, but he was probably afraid that would be a sign that he was making light of it. “OK, boys or girls, you’ve had your fun. Can I assume that everything will be back to normal tomorrow?” He kept looking back at me. I think he was still trying to make sure it was me.

“Sure, Principal Hammond, if we can assume that the rule against wearing shorts has been canceled.”

“Oh, no. I don’t give in to tactics like this. You’re breaking the school dress code, and you all could be punished!”

I decided a little sarcasm was in order. “Please, Principal Hammond, you can punish me, but give my sister a break!”

“I have no plans to punish your sister. What are you talking about?”

“She wore a dress to school today. Please go easy on her!”

“You know dam… You know the dress code does not proscribe girls wearing dresses!”

“Well, does this dress code actually say that boys can’t wear dresses? Maybe you could show us the dress code. I’d like to see the part that prohibits anyone from wearing a dress or a skirt!”

“You have no right to look at the dress code!”

Jody had a problem with that statement, “We can’t look at it, but we’re bound by it? Doesn’t that make getting dressed for school a trial-and-error thing? Like, ‘I don’t know if this is allowed by the dress code. I’ll just have to wear it and find out.’.”

“Maybe I should call your parents.”

Time to play my ace. “Please don’t call my mom. She will be angry for us intruding on her busy day. She’s an attorney, you know, and ….”

“I don’t care … an attorney?”

“Yes, sir, she’s a very good attorney. She got a guy off for ….”

“I don’t care who she got off! If you’re not dressed properly tomorrow, you will be suspended! Get back to your classes!”

It was Jody’s turn. “Principal Hammond, It seems a lot cooler in here than anyplace else in the school. How do you manage that? Would you mind if we hang out with you a bit and cool off?”

“Get out!”

“I guess that’s a ‘no’?”

“Out!”

We got out.

“Jody, notice how he acted when I told him my mom was an attorney? He was intimidated. When she gets home today, I’m gonna update her about all this. She will help.”

“Good! I think we’re gonna need it. Ok, here is the message for the grapevine today: Jody Cameron and Chris Davis have been threatened with suspension if they continue to protest the dress code. They will continue the protest, but any guys who feel intimidated should wear long pants tomorrow.”

“OK, let’s get the word out.”

I got home before my sister, and I decided to leave “my” dress on for when my mom got there. I was in my room when I heard my sister come in the front door. I sat on my bed very ladylike with my ankles crossed and my hands in my lap and waited. Sure enough, she knocked on my door.

I called out in my best girl voice, “Come in.”

She walked in and looked surprised to see that I still had her dress on. “So you do like the dress!”

“It was a gift, right?”

“OK, since you like it, keep it.”

“I’ll need something to wear tomorrow.”

“What? You’re just begging for trouble. Just remember, this dress is the only gift, no matter how much you like the next outfit! You know what I think? I think that no matter how this ‘protest’ comes out, you’re still gonna want to wear my clothes. After all, it’s nothing new, is it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Of course not! Did you know that clothes in my closet sometimes rearrange themselves and my bras and panties in my chest of drawers get shuffled as if by magic? I just love my magical clothes! Apparently, so do you! Finally, I get to see you dressed in some of them and you look damn good! The girls at school think so, too!”

“Really?”

“Really! They were talking about how ridiculous some of the boys looked, but they said you were the exception. I don’t know whether that’s a plus when you go looking for a date or not. Now, take off your makeup and go take a shower, then come to my room and let’s find you something to wear tomorrow. We’ll have a fashion show. Here are some clean panties, but you can wear the same bra. Also, wear this mini-girdle under the panties to keep everything under control.”

A fashion show! How cool! I showered and she did my makeup again, instructing me as she worked. This time, as she was styling my hair, she saw the tiny studs in my ears. “When did you get your ears pierced?”

“I dunno. A while back. Nobody notices because I keep my hair long.”

“That’s wonderful!” She started going through her earring collection and found some spiral earrings that were long enough to be seen below my long hair. I had to admit, it added a lot to the look.

“I like them!”

“You’re finally gonna admit it; great!”

“You’re the best sister in the whole wide world!”

“Really? If I had known it was that easy, I would have done this a long time ago. Listen … no more going through my stuff when I’m not here. Wait until I’m home and we’ll go through my stuff together. You’ll need help matching, anyway.”

“You got it!”

“Chris, you’re so pretty. I always wanted a sister.”

“I’m sorry, Claire. You see, I was born with this … thing.” I pointed downward.

“I know that, silly. It’s just that we could have so much fun if you had been born without that … thing.”

“Don’t give up yet. I gotta change.” I went into the bathroom and locked the door behind me.

I could hear her through the door. “What? What do you mean? Do you mean what I think you mean?”

I put on the panties, bra, and dress. The girl in the mirror looked pretty good. I unlocked the door.

“Oh, Chris. You look even cuter in this dress. Maybe you should have been born a girl!”

“More people are making the change every day!”

“Are you serious? I would love that. I’m not so sure about Mom.”

“Maybe you haven’t noticed, but Mom is not exactly crazy about men. You know her best friend, Emma?”

“Yeah, the one with the really short hair … wait … no way!”

“Yeah, they’re more than friends.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Well, one night when they thought we were sleeping I went down to the kitchen for a snack and saw them kissing. It wasn’t just a friendly kiss, either. They didn’t see me, and I went straight back to my room.”

“Wow, that explains a lot.”

“Yeah, like no dating. I guess Mom and Emma are going steady.”

“Chris, you’re a silly goose!”

“Maybe so, but Mom is a lesbian and you …?”

“Watch out, Chris, or you’ll have to wear boy’s clothes to school!”

“No! Anything but that!”

“Just think, we might have two moms pretty soon.”

“Did you hear a car door?”

“Yeah, Mom number one is home. You ready to show her new daughter to her?”

“You go prepare her, then I’ll make my entrance.”

I listened as Claire met Mom in the living room. “Mom, I want to introduce you to someone.”

I walked into the room. “Ta-da!”

Mom looked me over. “Chris, you look really nice. I love it!”

In unison, Claire and I said, “What!?”

“Yes, I love it. More importantly, Principal Hammond will hate it!”

“Oh, you know.”

“Yes, word gets around. In a way, it’s a good thing though. You have a chance to ‘come out’.”

“Mom, I’m not ‘coming out’!”

“What a shame! It would be the perfect time.”

Claire looked at me. “Ah-ha! What about it, Chris … Chrissy?”

I was trapped. I sat down and put my face in my hands. I wanted to cry, but I already felt foolish enough. I felt my mom’s hand on my shoulder. “It’s OK, Chrissy. I’ve known for some time.”

“Y’all both knew?”

“Of course. You have this tendency in your genes. Those ‘vitamins’ I make sure you take every day are testosterone blockers. They’re blocking male puberty until you decide which way you want to go.”

“What do you mean about my genes?”

“All I’m going to say is: ‘Allan Davis’.”

I couldn’t believe it, “Dad?”

“So, testosterone blockers; that’s why he’s … she’s so pretty! Uh, Chris … not Dad.”

Mom changed the subject, “So Chrissy finally got to go to school. How was it?”

“It was great, Mom. It felt so natural. I don’t think it’s gonna work on a full-time basis.”

“He’s right, Mom. He … she would face a lot of ridicule.”

“Well, let’s see what happens with the protest and go from there. Since my last name is different from my school days, Principal Hammond doesn’t realize who I am, but we were in high school together. If he gives you any more trouble, I have a message for him.”

“What’s that, Mom?”

“Tell him, ‘Don’t make me come down there’.”

My sister and I both smiled about that. We were proud of our mom.

Next: The cunning principal makes a surprise move.

On day two of the protest, it was hard to find a boy wearing pants. Some of the meeker souls were encouraged by the number of boys who were ‘en femme’ on the first day. During first period, again I once again got a ‘summons’ and went to the office expecting detention or worse. Imagine my surprise when Principal Hammond gave in.

“Girls … I assume you want me to call you girls, given the way you’re dressed … I’ve decided to change the dress code. Shorts are OK, as long as they’re not too short. I’ll put out a letter giving more details. You can pass the word apparently better than any letter of mine. Oh, Chris.”

“Yes, sir?”

He hesitated and looked at me a few seconds, the waved his hand, “Never mind. Back to class!”

We walked out of his office in shock. Ashley, one of the students who worked in the office whispered to us that the principal had checked and found out who my mom was. Once he found that, he was intimidated enough to give in. So it was my mom who actually made the protest work. I thanked Ashley and she gave me a beautiful smile and a “thumbs up”.

Jody was relieved. “It will be good to get out of this dress. I’ll bet Hammond was gonna compliment you on your looks.”

“Please!”

“Seriously! You didn’t notice the way he looked at you. He called you ‘Chris’ instead of ‘Mr. Davis’. He can’t help but compliment a girl when she looks really good. Maybe he forgot you’re a boy? It’s easy to do!”

I wondered about that myself. Everyone said I looked good. I wondered what I could get out of Hammond with my looks. A little pout and, “Mr. Hammond, pleath have the air conditioning fixed! If you don’t, I’ll have to wear an even shorter dreth tomorrow!” Oops! That would doom me to increasingly shorter dresses until I was coming to school in just a blouse and panties. That would get me called to the office all right; for a private conference with the principal? I shivered at that thought.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to wear the next day. I would certainly catch a lot of flak if I wore a dress, but it wouldn’t get any easier. It was hard enough to concentrate on schoolwork while wearing a dress. Now I had another worry; what would I wear tomorrow? I had read some about the transgender subject online and realized I was lucky to have the support of my mom and sister, but that was probably just about the only support I would get.

When I got home, my sister already had another outfit set out for me.

“Claire, the protest is over. Hammond gave in.”

“I know, but aren’t you up to something new?”

“I don’t know if I can do it.”

“Try it a few days and see how it goes.”

When Jody came by for the walk to school the next day, he seemed as surprised by my looks as he was the previous day. “Damn, baby … I mean … Chris, you look better every day, but the protest is over. What are you up to?”

“I don’t know. I kinda like … you know … dressing like this. Do you like me like this?”

“Well, you’re pretty, but ….”

“But what?”

“Chris, you’re a boy!”

“Are you sure? Look at me!” I stuck my lower lip out just a bit, tipped my head down slightly, and looked up at him. “Don’t you like me just a little bit, Jodeee?”

“Come on, Chris! Don’t do that to me!”

I reached out and touched his hand. He didn’t draw it back but stood there holding my hand. His palm was wet. “Jody, you’re sweating! What’s the matter?”

He put his other hand behind my head and pulled me closer. He was going to kiss me … he really …. My head was swimming and my whole body was tingling. I opened my mouth and let him explore with his tongue. I reached up and he was so tall that to put my arms around his neck I had to pull my body right up against his. I could feel the wonderful warmth of his body and I was ready to enjoy his comforting embrace forever. Finally, he pulled away. “Jody, I like that.”

“We can’t … we just ….” But he pulled me to him and kissed me again. He quit trying to hold back.

I relaxed my body and let him take control. My knees were too weak to support me, so I was hanging from his neck and he was actually holding me as if I were a rag doll. He gradually eased his hold and I managed to stand on my own. After the kiss, I whispered in his ear, “Jody, I want you to make love to me.”

“I can’t Chris. You know I can’t. Please … let’s get to school.”

I held back the tears. “You do like me?”

“Yes, just as a friend!”

I reached down and felt the bulge in his pants. “Your body says you like me more than that.”

“Oh, God! Chris, I’m not gay … I don’t ….”

“No way! We’re just a boy and a girl who like each other!”

“No, you’re my best friend!”

“Isn’t it nice having a girlfriend who’s your best friend?”

“Yes … no … aw crap, I don’t know! Please stop this, Chris!”

“It’s ‘Chrissy’. OK, let’s get to school.”

As we started walking, I reached for his hand and he took it. We walked hand in hand toward the school. “Chrissy, we can’t keep holding hands when we get close to the school.”

“I know, Sweetie.”

“Don’t call me that!

“Honey?”

“No!”

I decided to put all my cards on the table. I stopped walking, turned to him and said, “Jody, don’t you realize that I’m not just your best friend. I love you and I always have. You haven’t felt that? Remember our sleepovers? When we went to bed I would hold your hand and you were ok with it. Remember in the morning when we woke up I would be snuggled next to you? You never said anything! Were you leading me on?”

“No! Chris … Chrissy, it’s not like that. But you were never like other guys. You’re so much smaller, and with your long hair, it was kind of like you were a child or … a girl? That’s why I never thought that much about it. You wanted to hold hands and snuggle and it was kinda like a little kid who wants security. You’re my best friend, and there was no way I was going to say ‘don’t touch me’. It didn’t feel wrong, and no one else had to know. I guess I felt like it was just ‘our thing’. You’re still small, and you don’t have body hair like most guys. Now, instead of getting big and more like a man, you’re getting prettier. Still, I always thought of you as my best friend. I can’t just flip a switch like ‘click’, and say, ‘Now you’re my girlfriend’! Are you gonna get a sex change?”

“I think so.”

“Seriously? Wow! OK, this is hard to take in!”

“My mom has been giving me medicine that keeps me from going through puberty. When I tell her I want to go through with a sex change, she will start giving me hormones so my body will develop as a female.”

“So, you’re gonna be ‘Chrissy’. This is not gonna work out at school. Not one bit.”

“My mom and my sister are gonna support me. Are you gonna still be my friend?”

“Oh, wow. It’s not gonna be easy for you. I’ll still be your friend. I wouldn’t be much of a friend if I bailed out on you now.”

“Thanks, Sweetie!”

“I said ‘friend’, not ‘girlfriend’!”

“OK, Honey!”

“Stop! Hand holding time is over, Chrissy Baby.”

“I like that!”

“I know.”

He smiled when he said that! I know it wasn’t much, but I was willing to take any encouragement I could.

We got to school. Incredibly, hardly anyone noticed me. The protest was over, so most people assumed I was one of the girls. By third period, however, word had reached the principal that there was still a dress code problem, and I received another summons.

“Mr. … or Ms. Davis … as the case may be. I see you continue to dress in an inappropriate manner despite my gracious capitulation to your demands regarding the dress code. What is your point?”

“Principal Hammond, approximately half of the students in this school dress the way I’m now dressed. What the problem?”

“You’re dressed the way the female half of the school population dresses. That is inappropriate.”

“Is there a prohibition in the dress code against wearing dresses?”

“No, but no one who wrote the dress code could foresee that a boy would want to wear a dress to school.”

“Sir, I’ve decided that I like dressing this way and I want to continue. I might even consider switching to the other ‘team’ so to speak.”

“Oh, really? Do it! However, don’t expect me to protect you every time you encounter resistance from your fellow students.”

“So you’re saying that the ‘no-bullying’ policy wouldn't apply to me?”

“I’m not saying that! I just can’t have someone protect you during the entire school day when you purposely invite ridicule by what you wear. Also, you will use the boys’ restroom and you will continue to take physical education with the boys.”

“Thank you, sir. Is that all?”

“Yes, you’re asking for trouble, that’s all.”

“Well, I expect the same protection against harassment that any other student receives.”

“Oh of course, but I can’t guarantee your safety completely. Now, have a nice day.”

“You too, Principal Hammond.”

I saw Jody at third period. “Jody, I need you to organize a protest.”

“What do you want to protest now, Chris … Chrissy?”

“I don’t want to protest. I want you and all the other guys protest me coming into the boys’ locker room.”

“What?”

“Look, I don’t want to go to gym class and have to take off my dress and have all the boys see my bra and panties. So, I think the boys should protest having a girl come into their locker room. Now, when it’s time for our gym class, you go a little early and tip the boys off. Have them prepared to block my way when I try to come into the locker room. I’ll make sure I don’t get there too early so you’ll have time to get it set up. Will you do this for me?”

“Anything for my best girl!”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, I’ve done some thinking. Let’s talk after school. I have something I need to do, then I’ll come by your house. OK, Sweetie?”

“Thanks, Honey.” I discretely blew him a kiss as we parted, and walked on air to my next class. In my mind, I pulled petals off an imaginary flower as I whispered to myself, “He loves me … he loves me not ….”

Sure enough, when it was time for P.E., I got to the boys’ locker room to find my entranced denied.

One boy complained, “We don’t want no girls in here!”

“That’s right. Go to the girls’ locker room.”

Some were smiling about this. Everyone was having a good time. They knew, of course, that I was the culprit that arranged this. Teen-aged boys love a good protest. The coach came to the door to investigate the problem.

“Coach, we don’t want any girls in here. This is a boys’ locker room.”

“Boys, you know this is Chris Davis and you know that he’s a boy!”

I spoke up, “It’s ‘Chrissy’, coach.”

“What? Chris, what are you gonna come up with next? Just go to the library for this period until we get this straightened out.”

The boys all cheered and I gave them a subtle “thumbs up” as I left. I knew, however, that this was just the beginning of this conflict. I also knew that I might not get as much support in the long run as what I had received that day.

After school, I didn’t see Jody, so I went home and waited for his promised visit. He said he had something to do first, and promised to “talk”. It was beginning to get dark outside before he showed up. I opened the front door, and he said quietly, “Let’s go to your room.” When we got to my room, he pulled a tiny gift-wrapped box from his pocket. The wrapping paper had a very feminine flower theme.

“Open it!”

I opened the tiny package to find a pair of heart-shaped stud earrings. “Jody, they’re beautiful, but they must have been expensive!”

“Not really. They came with a pack of bubble gum.”

“They did not, you silly goose!”

“Chrissy, I really … like you. I’ve known for a while that something was different about our friendship. When you went on vacation last summer with your mom and sister, I missed you a lot. I thought there was something wrong with me, but you’ve never been like … like a guy! There were times I thought I wanted to kiss you, but I thought it would end our friendship if I did. I didn’t ….”

I put my arms around his neck, pushed him back on the bed, and kissed him passionately. I could feel his body responding. “Jody, you don’t have a gun in your pocket, do you?”

“Chrissy, you don’t know how frustrating this is for me.”

“Yeah, I can feel your frustration. I guess I make it hard, right?”

“Do you get hard sometimes?”

“No. I don’t know what it’s like. The medicine stops that from happening.”

“Well, that’s good. It would be weird if we both … you know.”

“Yeah. Look, relax Baby.” He laid back and I gave him a massage in his “response” area. “Jody, I’m sorry. I seem to be making matters worse!”

“You’re driving me crazy, that’s all! You really don’t understand this, do you?”

“I’ve heard locker room talk, but it seems so strange. You can’t control it? I wonder what it would feel like if it happened to me.”

“Oh my God. Sweet, innocent little Chrissy! You’re actually being honest!”

“I love you, Jody. I’ve always loved you. I can’t show it like you do, so I have to tell you. Let me ask you something, Jody. How long have you known my ears were pierced?”

He began to blush. “One time when you were spending the night at my house, I was watching you sleep. You looked like a pretty little girl. I brushed your hair back and saw that you had both ears pierced. I think It kinda helped me understand you a little better. You were so pretty then I almost kissed you, but I was afraid that would be a disaster."

“You were wrong. There were times when I wanted you to kiss me, but I didn’t dare ask. I could sense the times you wanted to kiss me, but you backed down. I guess we were both cowards.” I pulled my hair back on both sides to show him my earrings. “Look!”

“You look nice.”

“Thanks, Baby.”

“Don’t ever call me that when someone else is around!”

“You don’t have to say that every time. I’m not that stupid!”

There was a knock on the door of my room. “Chrissy?”

“Come in Claire.”

She came in. “Oh, Hi, Jody! What are y’all doing?”

Jody touched his ears and spoke up. “Show her Chrissy!”

I pulled back my hair. “Oh, those are pretty! Where did you…?”

“I gave them to her,” Jody volunteered.

Claire’s eyes got wide. “Oh! So y’all are …?”

“Chrissy’s my girlfriend, Jody volunteered, then turned to me, “right?”

“Yep, I’m Jody’s girlfriend.”

“Well, I’m happy for both of you, but I assume y’all don’t want to make this public knowledge for a while.”

I thought a few seconds. “No. We’ll have to keep it a secret. I don’t know how long. I just ….” My voice broke and I put my face in my hands. I felt my sister’s hands on my shoulders. I decided to be brave. “Jody, this is gonna be hard for me, but I’m afraid it will be harder for you.” I smiled, “I mean ‘more difficult for you’. See, it’s bad enough for me, but if you’re my friend, the other kids will imagine what we’re doing in private; more than that, they’ll make up stories about us. You don’t deserve that. Please let’s just pretend to not be friends until some of the worst blows over.”

“Chrissy, I’m your friend. I don’t care what ….”

“Jody, listen,” Claire broke in, “he … she’s right. You know you love each other, but that will just be ammunition for others to ridicule both of you. Please, Jody. I know you want to be brave, but I agree with Chrissy. The two of you ‘split-up’ for now … at least publicly. It’s probably gonna get worse than either of you can imagine.”

“But I like Chrissy!”

“If you like her, make it easier on both of you!”

“Whatever y’all say.”

Claire turned to me. “Chrissy, if you keep showing up for in a dress, eventually, people are gonna realize that it’s more than just a way to agitate the principal. I’m afraid the kids are gonna turn on you.”

“But Claire, there is a lot of resentment toward Principal Hammond. Maybe I can use the fact that Principal Hammond doesn’t like what I’m doing to get support.”

“Yes,” Jody added, “I can work on the guys to keep them on your side. I don’t have to be your boyfriend to do that.”

“I think it’s actually better if you’re not my boyfriend to do that.”

Claire thought a little. “It might work. It can’t hurt. I’ll work with the girls. They all like Chris, anyway. Maybe they’ll like Chrissy just as much. Tomorrow is Friday. Let’s get you something to wear, Chrissy, and this weekend we need to go shopping to get you some clothes of your own.”

“Hammond knows who your mom is now, and he’s afraid of what she can do legally. Clue her in about your plan so she can be ready to step in if she needs to.”

The plan was starting to sound good to me. “Let’s order pizza and have another fashion show. When Mom gets home, we’ll get her up to speed. I think she’ll like it. She never has liked Hammond, even when they were in high school together.”

So the fashion show began. I was amazed at the number of dresses, skirts, tops, shoes, and other things my sister had. I began to wonder why we needed to shop at all, but she assured me that the quantity she had was about average for a girl. It seemed to me that she could wear a different outfit every day of the school year and not wear the same thing twice. I settled on a reasonably conservative dress. I didn’t see any need to give the principal ammunition by wearing something too revealing.

When Mom got home, we told her plan and she loved it. She said she would have papers ready should Hammond gave her a reason to file something in court. With that, we were on our way.

Saturday morning it was time for shopping. I got dresses, skirts, tops, pants, bras, panties, pantyhose, socks, shoes. After the clothing, we went and shopped for jewelry. I got pretty much anything and everything a girl wears. I enjoyed it, but Mom and Claire had as much fun as I did or more. I told Claire, “Sis, I’m gonna kind of miss having you set out my clothes for me.”

“No problem. I’ll keep it up for as long as you want me to. I like doing it, and you will always be fashionable.”

“Thanks, Claire.”

“Actually, Chrissy, picking out your clothes is something you could do for yourself, but there’s something you won’t be able to for yourself. I’m ready to volunteer when the time comes.”

“What’s that?”

“Chrissy, you don’t know? Think!”

I stared at my sister. I’ve always been a pretty fast learner and I couldn’t think of anything I would need her help to do. “Claire, I give up! What is it?”

“Have babies!”

Mom overheard. “Whoa there! I’m not so sure about that! You’re talking about something that could cause problems down the line! I don’t think what you’re talking about will work out at all.”

Claire and I didn’t see what the problem was.

“Claire, imagine going to visit Chrissy and her family. When you carry a child for nine months, you bond with that child. It’s hard enough when a mother gives a child up for adoption and never sees the child again. It will be much harder if you see the child a lot. The child you bore will be calling her ‘Mommy’, and that’s gonna hurt every time you hear it. Also, there will be times you will disagree about the way the child is raised. Are you gonna be able to keep quiet? You can’t even keep quiet if you don’t like the shoes Chrissy’s wearing!”

This put a new light on the situation. Claire summed it up. “Chrissy, old people are wise. We should listen to them.”

That got a dirty look from Mom, but she was able to keep quiet.

Heat Rises

Chapter 3

I missed having Jody walking to school with me. I saw him when I got to school, and we all but ignored each other. Even though it was my idea, it still hurt my feelings. I felt kind of silly for being so sensitive. Jody told the guys that I was just harassing the principal by the way I was dressing and Claire told the girls. There were a few who said, “Yeah, right,” but for the most part, everyone bought it. When it came time for P.E., I went straight to the library. Jody had someone watching the locker room door in case the teachers tried to get me in there. There was a restroom that was in a part of the school that was closed for repairs. My bladder could hold a lot, but I went there if I really needed to go.

My mom made me an appointment with a psychiatrist who specialized in “gender dysphoria”. I told my mom I wanted a female doctor, and she was happy to comply. I liked Dr. Amy Foster when I met her. She gave me a number of personality tests. I told her about everything that went on at school and about my relationship with Jody and how much I missed being with him. She said I was brave continuing in the same school the way I did. Since I was already on testosterone blockers and was obviously serious about the issue, she had no problem with giving me female hormones and wrote a script on the first visit.

School went on without any major issues. I guess I looked so much like a girl that no one gave it any thought anymore. Ashley, my spy in the principal’s office said the principal was convinced I would give in. If I was breaking the dress code or any other rules, he would have gladly intervened. I’m sure if he could convince anyone to harass me, he would have, but he was, as I indicated before, disliked by students, teachers, administration, and anyone else who had to deal with him. His favorite saying was, “My way or the highway.” When he became a school principal, he apparently felt it was akin to becoming God. He felt no need to negotiate on an issue unless someone on the other side could hurt him or his chances for advancement. He had researched my mom’s career, and found that there was no point trying to negotiate with her; only that it was best to not antagonize her. She had been a strong, no-nonsense woman since her high school days, and her law degree gave her the muscle to follow through when someone presented a problem. She particularly disliked bureaucrats who sat behind desks and issued edicts for those under their purview without understanding the issues that were faced daily by those they sought to micromanage. Principal Hammond was a prime example of such an out-of-touch manager. He had taken some courses in psychology and thought he had a superb understanding of human behavior and the concept of personality. He saw those he managed as so many animals to be manipulated with positive and negative reinforcement. He liked the negative much better, so the positive reinforcement was rare, and limited to himself and, occasionally, a pretty female subordinate. He saw himself as a handsome up-and-coming professional with a special interest in pretty young women. He was a prime example of self-deception.

So, I think part of the reason I didn’t get more resistance from the principal was his reluctance to alienate a pretty girl; even if the ‘girl’ aspect was not what it looked like. He was, of course, a very shallow person. So, if it looks like a girl, walks like a girl, and talks like a girl, it’s a girl and she won’t be able to resist his advances. He wouldn’t admit to thinking this way, of course, but his behavior told the true story. When I passed him in the hall, he didn’t look me in the eye, but afterward, I could feel him look me in the ass, and I would give my hips a little extra feminine sway; something to hypnotize (hipnotize?) him. “You like this girl. You don’t want to give her any trouble. She wants to sleep with you.”

Hey, whatever it takes! People will believe what they want to believe; especially someone whose life is ruled by self-deception.

Then the unthinkable happened. One of the football players asked me to go steady! I couldn’t believe it. I told him I would think about it. After school, I called Jody.

Even though we hadn’t spoken in about a month, he answered as if we talked every day.

“What’s up, Honey?”

“Jody, you’re too sweet!”

“I know. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too! Hey, you know Ken Hayden?”

“Yeah. He’s a football player, right?”

“Yeah. He asked me to go steady.”

“No shit! Oh, sorry, Baby. What did you tell him?”

“I told him I’d think about it.”

“Well, I think you should get your sister to see if he’s doing it on a dare or something.”

“I didn’t think of that.”

“Yeah, if it’s legit, do it.!”

“What!? Jody, I’m your ….”

“Hey, listen. You go with him for a while, maybe go with somebody else for a while. It becomes OK to date you. Then, we can get back together. If you still want to ….”

“Jody, don’t talk like that. I love you and only you!”

“Yeah, but you know what?”

I didn’t like the sound of that. “What, Jody.”

“I love you too.”

I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Do you realize that’s the first time I’ve said that?”

I search my memory banks. “Oh, wow. Jody, that’s a milestone!” I felt my heart start to beat a little faster.

“Yeah, I can’t wait until we can get back together. Listen, if you go out with this guy, kiss him if you have to, but no sex of any kind!”

“Why?”

“Think! What’s he gonna talk about in the locker room the next day? He’s gonna give a ‘blow by blow’ description of it!”

“’ Blow by blow’, huh? I’m glad you said that and not me.”

“I love you, Chrissy.”

“I love you, Jody. Bye.”

When Claire got home, she came straight to my room and tapped on the door.

“Come in Claire.”

“S’up Sis?”

“Claire, I need advice.”

“That’s what big sisters are for.”

“Ken Hayden asked me to go steady.”

“Football player Ken Hayden?”

“Yeah.”

“No! Really?”

“Yeah, but what if it’s a joke, or he did it on a dare? Can you find out?”

“Sure. Not right now. I’ll talk to his sister tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Claire!”

“What about Jody?”

“I talked to Jody. He said if I go out with Ken and maybe one other guy, it’ll make it cool for guys to go out with me and Jody and I can get together.”

“Good plan! I’ll talk to Karen tomorrow.”

“Karen?”

“Ken’s sister!”

“Oh. Thanks again. Every girl should have a big sister. OK, one more problem.”

“What’s that?”

“I haven’t got a thing to wear to school tomorrow!”

“Poor thing! Do we need to go on another shopping trip?”

“No. I’m out of closet space. I’m sure the perfect outfit for tomorrow is in there somewhere, and I know you can find it.”

“Of course! I can see it from here!” She walked to my closet and pulled out a beautiful, slinky, sparkly red dress. “Here it is …” she pulled some espadrilles from the side shelf of my closet. “… with these shoes! The heels on these will give your legs a sexy look, and give you an even more sexy walk. If Ken is joking around, when he sees you in this, he’ll realize the joke’s on him.”

“Beautiful! Thanks, Claire!”

“I really think Ken is serious. He doesn’t seem to be the kind of person who would do something so mean. I’ll make sure, though.”
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
The next day, the weather was extra hot making classes seem longer than usual. As I was walked toward my English class, I thought how perfect my life was becoming. If I went with Ken I gained legitimacy as a girl. I felt like eventually, Ken would decide he wanted that which every teen boy wants so badly … sex. A breakup then would be bittersweet, because my Jody would be there. I wasn’t even going with Ken yet, here I was thinking about Ken breaking up with me. Truthfully, I didn’t have near the amount of trust in Ken that I had developed during the time I had known Jody.

The school hallway seemed unusually noisy that day. I figured it was a pep rally. Did we have a game tonight? I had no idea, but if I dated Ken, I would know when the games were and would have to go to all of them. Oh, well, you can’t have everything! What if I were asked to be a cheerleader? No way! No one would even notice the other cheerleaders. Everyone would be looking when I jumped and my skirt came up to see if they could get a glimpse of a bulge that shouldn’t be there. Cheerleading would be a dream for any voyeurs in attendance, but not very effective for boosting school spirit. It would also make me the enemy of the other cheerleaders as well as those who tried and fail to be cheerleaders themselves. Can you imagine a girl who lost the chance at this coveted position to a boy? Cheerleading was out!

The noisy crowd of students started running toward me. I heard a “pop … pop” sound like firecrackers. I tried to get out of the way, but Ken was running toward me fast. He grabbed my arms and pushed me to the floor and lay there on top of me.

I never knew a person could be so heavy. I couldn’t move. He put his hand on my forehead so I couldn’t even lift my head. I looked in his eyes and saw fear. “Ken … get … off!”

All he managed to say was, “No! Stay down!” Then, I heard Pop … pop … pop very loudly now. Ken’s body jerked with each “pop”, then went limp and his head fell on my shoulder. Over him stood a grungy looking kid who then moved the barrel of the gun to aim it right at my face! Time seemed to slow down. I prayed, “Oh, God, don’t let my life end! Please, God!” I looked at the kid’s hand and could see him tightening his grip on the trigger. “Oh God …!” Suddenly, Mr. Mathis, the English teacher, knocked the kid down with incredible force, and the gun went sliding across the floor.

I was frozen with fear. I felt a warm liquid on my right hand and managed to look. Blood! Was it my blood or Ken’s? I thought about my beautiful dress, then was ashamed to think like that! Ken’s face was now on my shoulder and he wasn’t moving. He had definitely been shot, but I still wasn’t sure if I had. It seemed forever before help arrived. Even when paramedics got there, it still seemed like a long time before they lifted him off me.

“He saved your life, miss!”

“Is he OK?”

“He’s got a pulse. He lost quite a bit of blood. We’ll have to see. Are you OK? Did you get hit?”

“I … don’t know. I felt the tears starting. Is Ken OK?”

“We'll take good care of your friend. Sit up. Let's look. Any pain?”

“Well, I had a football player on top of me for a while, but I don’t think I’ve been shot. Please tell me Ken’s gonna be OK.”

“Yeah, I just heard. He’s conscious. He’s gonna be ok.” I think he was lying to me because he thought I was going to be hysterical.

A female paramedic was there. “Come on, let’s get you on a stretcher.”

“No! I’m fine!”

“You need to be checked out!”

I had been carrying my cell phone in my hand and, miraculously, I was still holding onto it. I punched my mom’s number.

“What’s up, Honey?”

“Hey, Mom. Everything is fine. Just wanted you to know I’m OK.”

“Why, what’s happened.”

“There was a shooting. I just wanted you to know I’m fine.”

“What about Claire?”

“I’ll find her, Mom, I promise.”

“I’ll be there ASAP.” She disconnected. I knew she would try to call my sister, so I texted Claire to call Mom right away. Meanwhile, I was sitting on the floor in a pool of Ken’s blood. I thought about letting them put me on a stretcher, but I didn’t want to take resources that someone else might really need.

The thought kept running through my mind, “It really happened here. It really happened here.” There had been so many school shootings around the country, but no one thought it would happen at our school.

Then, Claire was there. She was standing right in front of me.

“Claire! Are you OK?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Gotta go!” With that, she rushed away.

“Where you gotta go, Claire? Call Mom!” She disappeared into the crowd.

I got my phone and clicked on my Mom’s number.

“Hello?”

“Mom, I just saw Claire. She’s fine.”

“Ok, good. I’m on my way.”

I finally stood up. It was difficult to move after having a football player on top of me and sitting on the floor for so long. The girls’ room was just across the hall. Without even thinking about it, I went in to clean up. I washed my hands and face. There was not as much blood on my dress as I thought there was. It might be salvaged, but I doubted I would wear it to school again, if at all.

Apparently, there was only one shooter. I went outside, where everywhere there were groups of students telling their stories. I wondered where Claire could have gone. I realized that she had said, “I’ll be fine,” instead of, “I’m fine”. Had she been injured in some way? But, I was probably making a big deal of nothing. Everyone was under stress, but the danger was over when I saw her, so I knew everything was fine.

I saw my mom’s car and waved. She pulled up and said, “Get in the car.”

“I haven’t seen Claire again. I don’t know where she ….”

“She’s in surgery.”

“What? That’s impossible! I saw her after the shooting was over and she was fine!”

“I don’t know who you saw, but Claire’s in the hospital. I got a call as I pulled up at the school just now.”

I didn’t know what to say. I knew what I saw. I saw Claire and she spoke to me. It didn’t take long to get to the hospital and we rushed in to look for my sister.

“Claire Davis?” My mom was near panic.

“Emergency surgery … just down that way to you left.”

We found where Claire was in surgery but, of course, we couldn’t go in. I wasn’t long, however, before the doctor came out.

“She had a wound in her chest. It missed her heart by less than an inch, but she’ll be fine. I’m going to keep her in intensive care for a while, though. I’d like to keep an eye on her. You’ll be able to go visit her for about 5 minutes after they get her set up.”

My mom asked, “Doctor, how long was she in surgery?”

“About an hour. She was the first one they brought in.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“Mom, that means she was here when I thought I saw her at school.”

“Chrissy, I think you did see her.”

“What? How?”

“She sent you a message from her heart to yours. What did she say, exactly?”

“I said, ‘Claire, are you OK?’. She said, ‘Yeah. I’ll be fine.’”

“Right. ‘I will be fine’. Not I am fine’. The message was that she would be fine after surgery. Chrissy, most siblings are not as close as you and Claire. Some bicker, argue and fight. It makes me happy that y’all love each other and y’all are so close. I feel like y’all will be close your whole lives. You both have a friend for life. With this, (she waved her hand at the way I was dressed) you’ll be even closer, and I’m as happy as I can be. You’ll be almost as close as twin sisters. I love you both so much. I couldn’t wish for better children.”

“Thanks, Mom. Wow! Mom, I actually did see her! It was like I could have reached out and touched her!”

“You’re blessed with love … both of you! You know, most girls would be mad as hell if they had a brother who got into their stuff. Claire never said a word. I probably should have guessed, though, since I kept finding my own stuff out of place.”

“Sorry, Mom.”

“It’s Ok. You never left anything dirty or torn up. I think you have more than me, now. I may need to borrow now and then.”

I smiled at my mom. “Sure! Do you think she will remember sending me that message?”

“Probably not. We’ll ask her.”

After about 20 minutes, we were told we could go in and see Claire. We went in quietly. She was awake, but looked very sleepy.

“Claire? It’s Mommy and Chrissy.”

Her speech was somewhat slurred, but we could understand her. “Hey. This is crazy! Chrissy? Are you OK? I thought about you. I wanted to tell you not to worry about me.”

“You did!”

“Huh?”

“We’ll tell you more later. Right now, you need to rest, OK?”

“Ok.” She closed her eyes and we left the room.

“Mom, I wonder if Jody is ok.”

“Ok, but first, young lady,” my Mom said, “you have blood on your new dress. You haven’t been shot. What happened?”

“It’s football player blood, Mom.”

“What?”

“A football player name Ken Hayden fell on top of me and protected me. He was shot and bled on me. I need to see if he’s here.”

My mom asked about him. He was also in surgery, but they wouldn’t tell us anything else because we weren’t kin.

“Well, you have yourself a hero.”

“Mom, get this, just yesterday he asked me to go steady.”

“Really? You’re getting the hang of this in a hurry.”

“I wasn’t really sure he was serious. Now I see that he was serious enough to take a bullet for me though! Could you ask about Jody?”

My mom asked about Jody, but they said they had no one by that name.

“That’s good, Mom. Jody is probably OK. I’ll try his cell phone.” I punched Jody’s number in on my cell and it went straight to voice mail. It was good to hear his voice, even though it was just a recording saying he was unable to get to the phone, and please leave a message. I didn’t bother leaving a message, because he never checked his messages anyway.

In the hospital hall, I saw Aspen Jennings. She always knew the latest news, so I asked her if she had heard anything.

“One student was killed,” she said breathlessly. “All I know is that his first name is ‘James’.” Even though it was bad news I could tell she loved being the font of all knowledge.

“Thanks, Aspen. Ok, Mom, I guess I’ll catch up with Jody later.”

We got into the car and headed for home. I was thinking about Claire, Ken, Jody, and some of the other kids. Suddenly, I remembered something about Jody.

“Oh my God, Mom!” I burst into tears. “No! No! No!”

I was sobbing uncontrollably and near panic. My mom pulled the car over. “What is it, Chrissy?”

Next: A rose by any other name….

To catch up … Chrissy and her mom have visited Claire in the hospital after a school shooting.

In the hospital hall, I saw Aspen Jennings. She always knew the latest news, so I asked her if she had heard anything.

“One student was killed,” she said breathlessly. “All I know is that his first name is ‘James’.” Even though it was bad news I could tell she loved being the font of all knowledge.

“Thanks, Aspen. Ok, Mom, I guess I’ll catch up with Jody later.”

We got into the car and headed for home. I was thinking about Claire, Ken, Jody, and some of the other kids. Suddenly, I remembered something about Jody.

“Oh my God, Mom!” I burst into tears. “No! No! No!”

I was sobbing uncontrollably and near panic. My mom pulled the car over. “What is it, Chrissy?”

“It’s Jody, Mom. His full name is ‘James Jody Cameron’, but he has always gone by ‘Jody. Oh, Mom, it’s Jody, I just know it is.”

“Calm down, Honey. I’ll make some calls. There are a lot of kids in that school.” We pulled into our driveway. “Go lie on your bed and let me make some calls.”

“OK, Mom.”

I lay across my bed. I could faintly hear my mom on the phone, but I couldn’t understand anything she was saying. Then, I heard her say a little louder, “Oh, no!” I knew then … my pal, my boyfriend, my best friend in the whole world ... was dead!

Someone rapped lightly on my door. “Come in, Mom.” She opened the door, but before she could say anything, I said, “I know, Mom. It’s Jody.”

She rushed to my bedside and held me as I unloaded my pain and grief. It couldn’t be Jody ... but it was Jody! I sobbed until I hurt. My Jody! It can’t be Jody!

“Mom, what am I gonna do?”

She didn’t answer. What could she say? There was no comfort for me … only pain and misery. I repeated, “Jody! My Jody is gone!”

She brought me two white tablets. “Take these, Honey, then try to rest.”

I took the tablets and the pain eased a bit. I began to feel sleepy. I closed my eyes. So sleepy ….

I woke up and it was getting dark outside. Reality hit me again after the brief respite while I slept. I ventured out of my room and went to the dining room, where my mom was seated at the table working on her laptop.

“Feel better, Honey?”

“Yes, ma’am … a little. I just can’t believe it!”

“Yes, denial is the first step in grieving. It will take a while, but it will get better, I promise.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“I’m going to visit Claire. You wanna come?”

“Yes! I’ll get ready.”

Claire had heard about Jody, and she had been crying. “I’m sorry, Chrissy. I know how much he meant to you. Mom, what about the shooter?”

“Oh, he’s in jail, or course. If he ever gets out, it won’t be for a very long time. All I’ve heard is that he was a senior and his first name is Sean. It doesn’t matter much. What’s important is the victims. You should be able to come home in a couple of days.”

“I’ll be glad to get home. I wonder when classes will start back.”

“Probably next week. Get some rest, Honey.”

“That’s about all I can do here.”

When the “couple of days” passed that Mom had promised her, Claire was more than ready to leave the hospital. She said if they tried to keep her one more day, she would sneak out when no one was looking. I believed her; she was that much like Mom.

Jody’s funeral was the next day and Claire said there was no way she would let me go alone.

Mom dropped Claire and me off early for Jody’s funeral. Jody didn’t look real. He looked like a wax figure. As I looked down at him, Claire squeezed my hand, and I realized how lucky I was to have her.

A man approached us and said, “Chrissy Davis?”

I said, “That’s me.”

“Could you come out in the hall for a minute?” He looked like a nice enough guy, so Claire and I followed him. He started out with, “My name is John Cameron, and that’s my son laid out in there. I know who you are and I want you to get your ass out of here you perverted little pissant, and don’t show your face here again!”

I was speechless, as was Claire. I had never heard an adult talk like that, and he was talking to me! I couldn’t believe my ears! I felt myself blushing and my heart was pounding. The tears would be coming soon. Jody’s mom came out the door, however, just in time to hear what he was saying. “John, hold on. You better shut up before you get yourself in trouble. These girls ….”

“This is not a girl … it’s a … thing … a pervert”

“John, close your mouth before you get yourself in a hole you can’t get out of. Now you listen to me. I’ll tell you when to talk, and I’ll tell you what to say! The mother of these two girls is a friend of mine. She is also an attorney, and she would love to take you to court for the thousands of dollars of child support you owe. If she does that, you will have no choice but to pay up or go to jail.”

By this time, the man was very quiet.

“Now, apologize to these girls and get out!”

The man’s attitude change incredibly. “Ladies, I have been extremely rude, and I’m sorry. Please accept my sincere apology.”

I was stunned by the man’s change in attitude. “Thank you, Mr. Cameron. That’s really gracious.”

Claire spoke up, “We accept your apology.”

“Ladies, have a good day.” He nodded his head slightly and left.

Mrs. Cameron watched as he left, then turned to us. “Girls, they say ‘Money talks and bullshit walks’. You’ve just seen an example of both. The money talked, he listened, and you’ve just seen the bullshit walk away.”

Claire and I smiled. “Thank you, Mrs. Cameron.”

“Chrissy, Jody was a new person because of you. It seemed like every time he opened his mouth in the past few weeks it was something about Chrissy. He would see something advertised on TV, and he would say, ‘I’ll bet would Chrissy would like one of those’.” She opened her purse. “I want to show you something. This is part of the reason John is so angry. Jody called him and told him he had a new girlfriend and asked for money to buy her a gift. Of course, he didn’t tell his dad who the new girlfriend was.” She pulled a tiny box out of her purse. “He used his dad’s money to buy you this.”

I opened the box to find the most beautiful engagement ring I had ever seen.

“He knew he was probably buying that a long time before he needed to, but he said he didn’t want to let you slip away from him. Chrissy, the ring is yours, and I want you to put the ring on and wear it as long as you like. Also, I want both of you to sit with the family during the funeral. Our family is not that big, so we have plenty of room. Don’t worry about John. He’s a changed man, thanks to my threat to his finances.”

She led us to the family seating area. Mr. Cameron stood when he saw us approaching. I thought he was going to cause some trouble. He stood still, however, until we sat, then he sat back down. I can’t say he was a gentleman, but he knew how to act like one. I wore the ring, but I didn’t make a show of it since Mr. Cameron was behaving and I saw no need to antagonize him.

The room was full and overflowing, mostly with students. Mr. Hammond and many school staff members were there. Apparently, the principal was another one able to put on a “gentleman” act when the need arose.

I was only vaguely aware of what the preacher said about Jody. The whole scene was surreal. You’re not supposed to have a funeral for a teenager. We waited as the guests passed by the casket, then, everyone in the family stood up and Claire and I followed as the family passed by the casket for one last viewing. This was the very last time I would ever see his face, and it was so incredibly painful for me I can’t begin to describe it. I couldn’t imagine what his mom was going through. A relatively small percentage of moms are put through this, and she seemed to hold up incredibly well under the circumstances.

I thought it was an odd custom of having the family view the casket, then going outside where everyone else has gathered and stands watching as the family exits. It’s almost as if the family is being judged as to whether their grief is sufficient. After the judging is done, everyone goes to their cars to await the loading of the casket into the hearse. Then, the procession of cars begins a slow ride escorted by police motorcycles, stopping traffic as the mourners are treated to the rare privilege of running through any traffic lights or stop signs on the way to the cemetery.

At the cemetery the family gathers, surrounded by other mourners, as the preacher says a few final words and a prayer. Then, everyone leaves and the casket is lowered into the ground; never to be seen again.

A funeral is a ritual performed in an attempt to accomplish the extremely difficult task of bringing some degree of comfort to the bereaved. Friends and family gather to commiserate … to come together and remember the deceased and take some comfort in the knowledge that our God is a just God, and Jesus paid everything for the sins of the deceased as well as our own. That may bring some degree of comfort, but there is nothing celebratory or happy about any of this; nor should there be. In this case, the age of the deceased makes the scene even more dreadful. Finally, the family and friends depart for their homes to continue their grieving and, for this particular occasion, try to understand how God could allow such a thing to happen.

Jody was my friend, and that friendship was growing and had the prospects of a wonderful future. In a small portion of a second, that future was gone. Jody wasn’t perfect, but he was head and shoulders above most. “I just can’t believe it!” The sentence went through my mind over and over, with renewed pain every time. There is no quick and easy cure for this pain. Time offers some solace, but it is an extended time, during which the pain is a constant, unwanted companion.

The day after the funeral, I got my mom to take me to visit Ken at the hospital. He was sitting up in bed looking as healthy as could be, and he smiled when I went into the room,

“Hey, Chrissy! How’s it going?”

“Fine! I wanted to come by to talk just a bit. First, I want to say thank you!”

He was obviously confused. “For …?”

“Saving my life, of course!”

“I did? Oh, yeah! Well, thank you for breaking my fall!”

“Are you kidding? If you hadn’t been on top of me, I would have been killed. You were shot three times while you were covering me!”

“It’s all a blur! I’m glad you’re OK!”

“Thank you! The only thing I suffered was having a 250 lb. hunk on top of me for several minutes. I managed but, you know, you could have been paralyzed!”

“Yeah, but the bullets missed anything really important.”

“I also wanted to say, ‘I think it would be great, but given all that’s happened, give me a little more time.’”

He was really puzzled now. “Huh?”

“You asked me to go steady … or have you changed your mind?”

“Oh, that! No, I haven’t changed my mind at all. I just kinda almost forgot, what with everything that’s happened. So, a little more time. I can understand that. Chrissy, I was serious about that. Think about it as long as you want to!”

“Can I give you a ‘thank you’ hug?”

“Yeah! Come here!”

I leaned over his bed and put my arms around his neck. He managed to find my lips with his and kissed me with unabashed passion. My heart was pounding so hard I felt he must have heard it. We finally parted and, of course, I was blushing. “Ken, that was unexpected!”

“But OK … I hope.”

“Oh, yeah, more than OK, Ken. Yes. I liked that.”

“There’s plenty more where that came from!”

“You not the shy type, are you?”

“Nope … life’s too short!”

“Call me when you get out of the hospital, OK?”

He got out a notepad and wrote a phone number on it. “Call this number. I’ll miss the call, but when I get my phone back I’ll have your number and you’ll have mine.”

“OK, I’ll come visit you at home if you want me to, but maybe it should be when your parents are home.”

“He grinned. Don’t worry, I’m a gentleman!”

“I can also see that you’re the ‘gallant’ type.”

“What? How can you see that?”

“Have you ever heard of the ‘gallant reflex’?”

“No. What in the world is that?”

“Look at your sheet. You are experiencing the ‘gallant reflex’ right now!”

He looked at his sheet, and it formed a “tent” just below his waist. It was his turn to blush as he ruffled the covers to hide his arousal.

“It’s OK, Ken. I guess it’s difficult sometimes for a guy to hide the fact that he likes a girl. Instead of ‘difficult’, maybe I should use the word ‘hard’.”

“Chrissy, you’re something else!”

“No doubt about that, Ken.”

Ken had to smile about that comment.

“I better go, Ken. Be sure to call me when you get home.”

“Oh, I will, Chrissy! I can’t wait for another hug!”

On the way, home I had an issue return to my mind that I hadn’t thought about recently. Am I gay? I thought I was attracted to Jody because it was a special relationship, and I could never be attracted to another guy, but I couldn’t deny my excitement when Ken kissed me. I wanted more of that! I thought no one could match Jody’s kindness and caring, but Ken was special, too. I couldn’t be in love with Ken after so short a time. If not love, then it was just sexual attraction to him, which couldn’t happen because he’s a guy! OK, I’m not gay … I’m just a normal teenager … a girl! But I also couldn’t deny my attraction to the girls at school either. So I’m bi-sexual! That’s more gay than just gay, but I decided to go with that.

When classes resumed, the whole school had a different aura. The once carefree attitude of students was replaced by a solemnity not usually associated with a high school. There were areas still cordoned off for continued investigation, and everyone ignored them other to detour around them.

I got a summons the first period of the first day. I assumed that the principal was fed up with the way I dressed, but I was more determined now not to give up. Jody wouldn’t have wanted me to. When I got to the office, however, it was a counselor who wanted to talk to me.

“Hello, Chrissy, my name is Ann Roberts. I’m a psychologist with a practice here in town. Some other counselors and I have been brought in to talk with students about the recent, tragic incident that occurred here at the school.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Now, James Jody Cameron, who everyone knew as ‘Jody’, was the only student who passed away from his injuries. We wanted to speak first with the students who were closest to the deceased. Your name came up, but I’m told that you and Jody were not as close during recent weeks as you once were.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“My concern is that possibly the two of you had some type of disagreement that caused distance between the two of you. If that’s the case, I thought you might want to talk about what caused a problem. In cases similar to this, the survivor sometimes feels regret about having an unresolved rift between him or her and the deceased.”

“I don’t.”

“Oh.” She seemed taken aback.

“I miss Jody, but we had no rift.”

“Oh, you’re sure.”

“Yes. Should I explain?”

“Yes, please do!”

“First of all, I’m not what I appear to be.” She nodded. I figured she came into the interview aware of most of the facts. “I was born a boy.”

“Yes, that’s in the file, here. So, do you want to tell me about your relationship with Jody?”

I explained that I appeared to be a normal boy to everyone, but Jody was more than a best friend. I told her about when the two of us had sleepovers; I would snuggle up to Jody and get a sense of safety and security.

“When you snuggled up with Jody, what was his reaction?”

“He was OK with it. At least, he never tried to push me away. I’m sure, though, he would not have wanted anyone else to know about it. I guess we both knew that our relationship was OK, as long as we didn’t make it known to everyone. He said because I was tiny, with long hair, he kinda thought of me as a child needing security or even a girl.”

“Did either of your parents know?”

“I really think his mom knew, but she never said anything. She actually treated me a lot like Jody treated me. The first time I met her, she thought I was a girl, and when we went to his room, she insisted he leave the door open. He talked to his mom after I left and told her I was a boy. She was embarrassed and apologized to me the next time I came over, which embarrassed me but I told her it was no big deal. She still treated me kinda like I was his girlfriend; I guess she couldn’t help it, but she didn’t make him close the door after that.

“My mom suspected something about me and Jody, but she knew a lot more about me than I imagined.”

“What did she know?”

I told her about the “borrowing” of clothing, and that my mom and sister knew about it for a long time. I left out the part about the medicine my mom gave me because I thought it might get her into trouble. I then went on to tell her about the protest regarding what we could wear to school, and how I wore girls’ clothing from then on.

“You’re very brave to come to school dressed like this.”

“Jody and I started the protest, so we were both pretty popular. When you’re popular you can get away with a lot, and since school started back no one seems in the mood to do any bullying or harassing.”

“So, do you think you’re going to pursue a gender change?”

“Yes.”

“So, can you tell me why Jody and you didn’t seem to be such good friends in the past few weeks?”

“Yes. It just seems that way. I told him I didn’t want us to be seen together because it might ruin his reputation. I asked if we could cool it for a while to see how I was accepted. He didn’t really want to, but he agreed that it might be best.”

“Do you feel like you were accepted?”

“Oh, yes. II knew it when a football player, Ken Hayden asked me to steady!”

“He did know the whole story when he asked you, right?”

“Yes.”

“Did you ever consider he might not be serious?”

“Yes, until the shooting.”

“Why did the shooting change things?”

“It was Ken Hayden, and he’s the one who saved my life.”

“How did he save your life?”

“He fell on top of me and covered me while he was shot in the back three times.”

“Wow! What a brave young man. Have you talked to him since?”

“I visited him in the hospital. He said he’s gonna call me when he gets home so I can visit him there.”

“You know, just looking at you and talking with you … it impossible for me to believe you’re a boy!”

“Thank you.”

“That’s all the time we have right now, but let’s talk again, OK?”

“Ok.”

“Now, Principal Hammond has told me he wants to talk to you after our interview.”

“Uh oh.”

“I know he hasn’t been that nice to you in the past, but listen to what he has to say, OK?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I left that interview and was escorted into Principal Hammond’s office. “Well, Chrissy, things have changed a lot!”

“Yes, sir.”

“Things have changed more than you know. First of all, let me express my condolences about the death of your friend, Jody. It’s tough losing someone, but at your age, it’s much worse.”

“Thank you, sir.” I was waiting for the punch line. Surely an insult was coming. I must have punishment coming for some infraction.

“You know, the protest about the shorts and that whole mess, I would like to put that whole mess behind us. Do you think we can do that?”

“I can, sir.”

“Good. Now, I’ve been doing a lot of research about your condition.” He waved his hand toward my clothing. “It’s all very interesting. Are you seeing a counselor?”

“Yes, my mom takes me to see someone.”

“So, you’re serious about this.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, with all my reading and research, I’ve come to understand that this is a real condition and not just playing ‘dress up’. I want you to know you have my full support. I will not tolerate any harassment or bullying that might come as a result of this. Continue to use whatever restroom you’ve been using because no one has complained. As for P.E., just continue going to the library during your P.E. time.”

I sat stunned for a few seconds. “Uh, thank you, sir.”

“I’d like to set something up for you. You can say ‘no’ and I will understand completely. I would like to call all the students together. I will introduce you, then, I would like for you to address the student body about what you’ve been through, about your relationship with Jody, and about your plans for the future. Write out a speech so that I can look at it beforehand. I will also let you review what I’m going to say. What do you think?”

“Tell them about my gender change?”

“It will be difficult, I know, but I think it’s best to get it out into the open. If you try to keep quiet about something like this, the rumors that fly get exaggerated to something outrageous.”

“I’ll try to write something.”

“If you need some help, I’ll get one of the journalism students to help you. You can choose who you want to help you from a list of volunteers, or you can get someone else to help you.”

“Thank you.”

“Any questions?”

“No, sir.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Uh … what do you mean?”

“Well, with the way things have gone between us recently, surely you must be wondering why I seem to have had a ‘change of heart’. I know that I would be wondering about that if I were you. Aren’t you wondering about that?”

“Well, yes sir.”

“Ok, I’m sure a lot of people would tell me I shouldn’t talk about this to a student, but you’re actually very mature emotionally and mentally. Physically is another thing, but that’s not important right now. The shooting incident has caused me to do some soul searching. I heard about the bravery of Ken Hayden and that touched me greatly. He’s not a dumb jock, but a caring and fearless individual. Then, I overheard what John Cameron said to you at Jody’s funeral and I was stunned that someone could be so heartless. I see those two people at opposite ends of what you might call the ‘Character Spectrum’. If I compare myself to those two people, I realize that the way I have acted since I’ve been principal here has been closer on the spectrum to John Cameron with his heartlessness, rather than Ken Hayden with his selflessness and bravery.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this. When I was younger, I was determined I would grow up to be the best person I could be. I would be brave, caring, generous … all the positive things a man can be. In high school, I became associated with guys who cared little about those types of things and I moved more toward their way of thinking. Then, I got into the school district bureaucracy, where those good personality traits are not appreciated and not rewarded. I adapted a way of thinking that would help me to advance in this environment, and I have had some degree of success, but at the price of my family, my friends, and my own self-esteem. Now, we all know we’re on this earth for a limited time, but Jody’s death brought into focus for me the fact that any one of us can go any time. We really don’t have a promise that we will live to old age. When I go, I don’t want to leave a trail of broken promises, broken hearts, and anger. I would like for people to say about me simply, ‘He was a good man.’ That sounds corny, I know, but I’ve decided to get back on track and be the man I should be and I intend to start now.

“Your case is the perfect way to start. I studied quite a lot of psychology while I was in college. I know a bit about your issue, and I know it is real. Knowing all this, it would be very unprofessional of me to refuse to help you, or any student under my care. Are you willing to let me help you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Thank you. This is going to be tough, I know, but I would like for you to write a speech you can give to the student body to explain what’s going on. Drop the speech in my mail slot when you’re done with it, OK?”

“Ok. Yes, sir.”

“Good! Now, remember … if you decide you can’t write this, I can get you some help, or you can decide not to do it at all. Go back to class for now, and have a good day.”

“You too, sir.”

“One more thing; you can tell any other students about this conversation if you wish. I would rather you not say anything, because I would like for my future actions to speak for themselves.”

“Not a word, sir.”

“Thank you! Also, I’m having an air conditioning repairman come in to see if we can be cooler in the whole school.”

“Wow! Thanks!”

“Bye for now. Keep those grades up!”

“I will!”

To say I was stunned is a huge understatement. I would have to think about this for a very long time. I didn’t doubt that he was sincere, so no issue there. What would I say to the student body? I would certainly talk about Jody, but I wouldn’t do that with getting his mom’s approval of my speech. To me, her approval was more important than that of the principal.

In the past, I would have gone straight to Jody with something like this. Would I have told Jody, despite my promise to not tell? I don’t think so, because he wouldn’t pressure me if he knew I was keeping a confidence. It would be difficult for both of us because I would be dying to tell and he would be dying to know. Oh, wow! Now I hate it because I used the word “dying” in reference to Jody. It’s just a figure of speech, though. The thing is, I didn’t have anyone to not tell. Jody had been my friend. Jody was the one I loved. Jody was my confidante. Jody was my sounding board. Jody was my guide. Jody was my protector. Jody was my everything.

I drifted through the rest of the school day thinking more about what the principal said. Whatever was covered in classes were things I guess I’ll never learn. I realized it was ironic that Jody would never know the effect he had on Principal Hammond, and there’s no way he could have ever enjoyed the effects of our “new” principal because his death was the cause. Of course, I would gladly have the old principal back if it meant having Jody back, too.

The school day I thought was endless actually ended. I trudged home thinking about what, if anything, I would say to the student body. It was an unusual time. Everyone’s feelings were near the surface and they would be more receptive to the type of thing I would be saying. I arrived home, where Claire was still recuperating. I tapped lightly on her bedroom door.

“Come in.”

“How are you?”

“Chrissy, I think I’m gonna go crazy lying here all day!”

“Claire, I need help.”

Claire smiled. “You’re already seeing a psychiatrist!”

“Principal Hammond wants to assemble everyone in school and have me tell them about my decision to get a sex change.”

“That asshole!”

“Wait, Claire. It’s not like that. He thinks if I come right out and tell everyone it will stop rumors from getting started. He also thinks most of the students will support me.”

“Well … what do you think?”

“I think it’s possible.”

“What’s happened to Hammond?”

“I don’t know! He was actually nice to me!”

“That’s when you need to watch your back! By the way, that dress really looks nice on you.”

“Thank you.” I struck a sexy pose for just a second. “I need to write a speech to give. I for sure don’t want to go in front of everyone without something written out.”

“Good idea. I would help you, but you’re a better writer than I am.”

“I’ll give it a shot. Hammond wants to read it, but I’d like for you to be the first to read it.”

“Aww, thanks. How are you … otherwise?”

“I just can’t believe it. I miss Jody so much. During the day I catch myself thinking about something and say, ‘I’m gonna tell Jody …’, then it hits me all over again.”

“I know I think about him a lot. Are you eating? You look like you’re losing weight.”

“I’m not eating much. I don’t feel hungry.”

“Be careful. Make yourself eat if you have to.”

“OK. I’m gonna write my speech and bring it to you, OK?”

“OK. I love your writing anyway.”

“Thanks.”

I struggled with the speech for two hours. When my mom came home, I told her about the whole situation. She didn’t trust Hammond and told me to watch myself. I told her I would. After hours of writing and rewriting, I came up with what I hoped would be my final draft. It was extremely personal stuff to be sharing with the entire student body, but I hoped to make them understand what I was doing and why. I took it to my mom, who edited it to be what I think is an extremely well-written communication. After her edits, she printed it out in a big font to make it easy to read under less than optimal conditions.

The next day, I dropped a copy of the speech off with Jody’s mom. I explained to her that the whole school would hear it, and I would make any changes she wished for me to make. I told her I would leave Jody out completely if she wanted me too. She agreed to read it, and I told her I would stop by her house after school to see how she felt about it.

I also checked with Ken and got his permission to mention his courageous actions during the crisis.

After school, I knocked on Mrs. Cameron’s door. I could tell she had been crying. “Mrs. Cameron, I can make any changes or leave Jody out completely. Just tell me what the problem ….”

“Chrissy, I’ve read this over and over and it’s just so sweet! Don’t change one word! I will be honored for you to give this speech to the school. I’m sure Jody would feel the same way!”

“Oh, thank you!”

“Thank you for being such a good friend to Jody! He was so lucky to have you!”

“I was lucky to have him. I’m kinda lost without him.”

“I know. Everything in this house reminds me of Jody. I’m seriously thinking of moving. I don’t know if I can stay here. Look, you can stop by here any time. We can have lemon pie and just talk. We can talk about Jody, but we don’t have to just talk about him. It would be nice to have someone to talk to.”

“I’ll do that, Mrs. Cameron. If you want me to, I can ask the principal if you can come listen to my speech.”

“No. Don’t go to the trouble. People would wonder who the old lady in the back boo-hooing was. Can I keep this copy?”

“Sure! I can print out as many copies as I need.”

“Thank you, Chrissy. You’re a sweet, beautiful girl.”

As I walked home, I wondered how Mrs. Cameron dealt with the loneliness. It had to be tough living alone after having Cameron for 17 years. It made me sad just thinking about it.

Claire was home when I got there, but I went straight to my and plopped across my bed. I was near tears as loneliness weighed heavily on me. Hopelessness added to the weight. My sweetheart … my lover was just a memory. He could not be replaced. I even felt a little guilty because Mrs. Cameron must have it ten times worse.

There was a light rap on my bedroom door. “Come in, Claire.”

“You OK, sister?”

“I’m OK, Claire. I’m just so sad!”

“I’m sorry. I wish I could help.”

“Thanks, but there’s no help for me.”

“Can I read your speech?”

“Yeah, there’s a copy on my dresser.”

“Cool!” She grabbed the papers and went to her room.

I dropped my speech off at the principal’s off first thing the next morning. Later in the morning, the principal got on the loudspeaker and announce to the whole school that the entire student body was to meet in the school auditorium for a special program at 1PM. I started sweating, but no one seemed to notice. I was one of a few people aware of the topic of the special program. The principal sent a note to my third-period class to come to the office immediately after I had lunch. It was the first time I had ever had a summons to the principal’s office without knowing I was in trouble.

So, I had lunch and headed to the principal’s office.

“Chrissy, this is an excellent speech. Did you write it?”

“Yes sir, I wrote it, but my mom edited it and printed it out.”

“Well, it’s very well written.” He handed me a one-page computer printout. “This is what I’ll be saying. You’ll find it’s just an introduction for you. It’s your show.”

“Thank you.”

“Come with me.”

I followed the principal to the stage door of the auditorium. The curtains were closed and we went onto the stage. There were chairs set up for just the principal and me, so we sat and waited. We could hear the students noisily entering the auditorium. The several minutes we waited seemed like an hour. Finally, the curtain opened and Principal Hammond went to the microphone to light applause. He did his introduction, and it was now “my show”. I was in the spotlight; somewhere I never had a desire to be. I began reading my speech. Being an excellent reader as well as writer, it was surprisingly easy despite it being my first time before such a large audience. Rather than just read the words, I thought about what I was saying because I wanted the emotion to get through to the audience to try to elicit empathy. To have them feel what it’s like to be me, to go through my pain and confusion. I always thought I had a latent acting ability so this was my chance to try it out.

“Fellow Students, School Staff, and Faculty:

“As you all know, our school recently endured a tragedy. First of all, I would like to tell everyone here that there is a hero here among you today. During the shooting, Ken Hayden fell on top of me and shielded me as he took three bullets in the back. Had he not been there, I most likely would have been killed. As it turned out, the only pain and suffering I had first-hand was being crushed by over two-hundred pounds of football player. Ken, I know I didn’t tell you I was going to do this, but your actions were so heroic … so above and beyond what I could have ever expected, that I would like you to stand right now and let everyone show their appreciation for your courage.”

Ken stood, and the applause was substantial, but he looked a little embarrassed. Still, I thought I did the right thing by recognizing him.

The applause died down after a couple of minutes, and I continued. “Several people were injured and one person was killed. The person who died was my very best friend, Jody Cameron. Principal Hammond has asked me to share some things about Jody and his life, as well as aspects of my personal life. Hopefully, I can have everyone understand why I do some of the things I do; especially why I dress the way I dress."

There was some subdued chattering among the crowd members.

“Jody Cameron and I were best friends for four years. He was a lot bigger than I am, and I depended on him for a lot of things. He was a good listener, advisor, and friend. He filled in the blanks for me when I didn’t understand some things that went on at school and elsewhere. He always seemed to have an answer and that was perfect for someone who always seemed to have a question.

“As time went by our relationship outgrew the description ‘friend’ or even ‘best friend’. I moved from being his friend to being attracted to him. I wasn’t attracted in a sexual way. This may be difficult to understand, because usually ‘attraction’ means ‘sexual attraction’. I was attracted to him because of his goodness, his character, and the way he treated me. He actually treated me as if were a younger brother or sister, or even a girlfriend. This, of course, without the kissing, etc. that I’ve heard goes on between girlfriends and boyfriends.”

That got a bit of laughter from the crowd.

“I think he was attracted to me partially by a need to be needed. If you’ve ever experienced the positive feelings that can come after doing a good deed for someone who was in real need, then you understand. That’s why it’s said, ‘It’s better to give than to receive.’

“I knew Jody was struggling about his feelings, too. Neither of felt we were gay because we weren’t attracted to other boys … only each other. It wasn’t sexual attraction, we each enjoyed and benefitted from our relationship, we just weren’t able to define it, and we were both unable to talk about it.

“When the summer heatwave caused the school classrooms to be uncomfortably hot because the air conditioners weren’t able to keep up; Jody decided that the two of us should approach the school administration to ask if something could be done to make it a little more comfortable. During our talk with the principal, we complained that the girls could keep somewhat cool in dresses and skirts while the school’s dress code said the boys had to wear long pants. The principal jokingly asked if we wanted to wear skirts and dresses and actually said, in effect, ‘go ahead’. Jody and I took him up on his offer and arranged a protest with the boys borrowing clothes from the girls and wearing them to school to pressure the school administration to get a change in the school’s dress code.

“The school’s dress code did change, but it caused an even bigger, more personal change for Jody and me. I borrowed my sister’s dress for the protest and she put makeup on me. When Jody saw me, his eyes lit up and he inadvertently called me ‘babe’. Suddenly, I was not so confused but I could see that Jody was more conflicted than before. His best friend was now a pretty girl … or was she?

“What became clear to me was that I was not a boy attracted to another boy, but I was a girl, and other boys held no interest for me because I had found my true love.

“Let me say something that will not be news to anyone here. Girls and boys are different. Girls are attracted to a guy because of a number of factors; his personality, his strength, his intelligence, and his looks. Guys are attracted to girls by a number of factors also, but looks are by far the deciding factor. I already had all the qualifications of a lover for Jody except the one factor that is so critical to most people; gender. So, when someone for whom Jody had a strong friendship was suddenly a pretty girl … or appeared to be, he was conflicted. Suddenly, sexual attraction was added to the mix. Was he to ignore my looks and still be just friends or acknowledge that he was in love with someone who was once his best friend? Then, one night, he came by my house and brought me a gift of heart-shaped earrings. To me the shape of the earrings was symbolic. In his heart, he had resolved any conflicts about our relationship.

“We were both extremely happy, but we realized our relationship would not be acceptable to a lot of people and would subject us to a lot of harassment and bullying. So, we decided to just ‘split up’ until we felt we could be more open about the subject.

“Then came that horrible, chaotic day. Imagine my shock to find that the one fatality was my true love. It didn’t seem real. It still doesn’t. I still see Jody in the hall sometimes. I still think I hear his voice ... from where? Oh … I think it was over there. No … maybe …. Well, it couldn’t be. I will never hear his voice again. Think about someone you love and try to imagine the pain if you can. However you can imagine it … the pain is worse. His life and his death have affected dozens of people. I know one person, in particular, has been profoundly affected positively, but I have been sworn to secrecy by this person not to reveal his or her name.

“The mood around the school has been solemn recently. It won’t be long until things get back to some kind of normal. I’m hoping, however, that one thing will not get back to normal, and that’s the tendency of some in the school to disrespect anyone who for whatever reason doesn’t fit in their idea of normal. These trouble makers are few in number, but the disruption and pain they cause are well out of proportion with their numbers.

“Let us hold on to this feeling of harmony brought on by tragedy. Let us enjoy a new spirit of togetherness in Jody’s name. Everyone will benefit from this.

“Thank you for your attention and have a good afternoon.”

I turned to go back to my chair on stage next to the principal. As I sat, a few people applauded, followed quickly by a few others. People began standing, and the applause built quickly into a thunderous standing ovation. I was both stunned and clueless about what to do. Principal Hammond stood up and went to the microphone to wait for the room to get quiet.

I take it by your response that most of you agree with the things that Chrissy has said today. It would be easy to just go your way and forget what she has said. I hope you won’t do that. Please take Chrissy’s speech to heart, and together, we can bring a new philosophy of cooperation to this school. I’m going to dismiss you for the rest of the day. Think about all this, and come back tomorrow with that new philosophy. Have a good afternoon and see you tomorrow!

Everyone cheered for that, even though it was just a couple of extra hours of freedom. I got a lot of “thumbs up” and a lot of “good job” comments. I was exhausted from the stress of the speech. I thought about Ken. Why was I attracted to him? Denying my attraction was futile. When I visited him at the hospital, I got a feeling of warmth, support, and strength similar to what I had felt with Jody. Within myself, I never felt much strength or confidence. I wondered if I would go from depending on Jody to depending on Ken. I had never thought about it, but now I worried if I would always have to rely on someone. I know girls who are not dependent on someone like I am. My sister, Claire, is one example. Some people, boys or girls, seem to be born with self-confidence. But, for me, it was scary to think of not having someone bigger and stronger beside me. I realize that with a personality like mine, I would never make it as a man. After my speech at the school, maybe the worst was over, but there was no turning back regardless.

A couple of days later, my cell phone rang. It was Ken. “Hey Chrissy, I’m lonesome.”

“Aww. Why don’t you get some friends to come over?”

“Why do you think I’m calling you?”

“You were supposed to call me when you got out of the hospital. You’ve been in school for a couple of days … maybe I missed that call.”

“I talked to you at school.”

“You promised to call as soon as you … never mind.”

“Well, things have been a little craz ….”

“You’re forgiven!”

“Wow, that was easy!”

“I’m easy. Scratch that … I’m a forgiving person.”

“Thanks, Chrissy. I could use some company. Yours would be best.”

“I’ll see if I can come over. What’s your address?” He gave me his address and I found he only lived five blocks from me.

“Mom, can I go visit Ken? Poor thing, he’s lonesome.”

“Sure! Need a ride?”

“No, thanks. It’s walking distance.”

“Head home before dark!”

“OK, Mom.”

I texted him, “OMW”, and started walking and thinking. Why am I so excited? Maybe it’s a blessing that we can’t have sex. I thought about girls who were raped. Guys were incredibly strong, and when they get excited it would be impossible to fend off an attack. Ken wasn’t like that … was he? I knew I could trust Jody. Now, I knew what girls go through and why they have to be careful. Some girls were not careful at all, but sex didn’t seem to be a big deal to many of them anyway until they get raped. I arrived at Ken’s house and tried to shut off my worries. I didn’t even have to knock. As I approached the front door, Ken flung it open. “Chrissy! Come in!”

I didn’t know whether to shake hands or hug, but he handled that. He pulled me close for a long hug, during which his lips found mine once more. He held me almost too tightly, but I didn’t want the kiss to end.

The kiss did end, though. “Come up to my room and we’ll talk.”

“Are your parents here?”

“Sorry, no, but they’ll be home in about an hour. Come on. I’ll be good!”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Aw, Chrissy. I’m really a nice guy!”

Reluctantly, I went to his room with him. Like Jody, he was assertive and I was a passive follower.

“Chrissy, have you thought any more about what I asked you?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have an answer for me?”

“Yes, Ken. The answer is yes.”

“Really?” He seemed surprised at my response. “I have something for you.” He opened a drawer and pulled out a tiny box. Suddenly I flashed back to another tiny box. I kept my cool, though, and opened the box. It was a chain with a heart-shaped drop. “Lemme see, I’ll put it on you.” My whole body tingled as he drew close to put the chain around my neck. “This says ‘you’re taken. All others, back off’!”

He sat on the bed admiring his conquest as I stood and viewed his conquest in the mirror with a critical eye. I turned to him, leaned over, put my arms around his neck and kissed him. As I kissed him, he put his arms around my waist and pulled me down on top of him. I was in his strong arms, under his power, and I couldn’t resist if I tried. My whole body tingled as I tasted his sweetness, and felt his ‘excitement’. I knew I should stop, but I was totally under his control and didn’t want to stop anyway. I relaxed my entire body and shared his passion. Proscriptions regarding my behavior flashed into my mind at light speed and disappeared as quickly. He was so excited I thought he would burst. Too soon, the kiss ended and I lay my head on his shoulder. I reached and felt his ‘excitement’.

“Ken, this is amazing! Does it feel good?” I gave just a little squeeze to indicate what I was talking about.

“You don’t know how it feels? You never …?”

“No way. Do you feel anything like that on me?”

He reached to feel. I had a small girdle on to keep me in. I let him feel that I had no reaction like his at all.

“Wow. You really are a girl!”

“Well, you certainly are a guy. What does it feel like? Does it feel good?”

“No. It’s doesn’t feel good until ….”

“Yes?”

“Chrissy, I don’t know if I should talk to you about this.”

“I just want to know how it feels. I’ll never get to feel it.”

“Ok, it doesn’t feel good until I … make love to a girl. Then it feels damn good! It’s like a spring being wound up tight, and suddenly releasing.”

I lay my head on his shoulder again and my hand on his ‘excitement’. “I would love for you to make love to me, but it will be a while before that can happen.”

“You know, where your hand is right now is winding that spring up tighter.”

“Oh, sorry.” I pulled my hand away.

“No! Carry on!”

I put my hand back. I massaged him slightly. The bulge in his pants was huge and getting bigger. “Wow, Ken! I’m afraid you’re gonna bust out!” I stopped the massage.

“Don’t stop Chrissy!”

I continued the massage. His face was flushed; he was breathing heavily and moaning as if he were in pain. Apparently, he liked what I was doing so I didn’t stop. Then he let out a groan and he had spasms over his whole body as if he were having a seizure. This continued a few seconds, then his whole body relaxed. He reached down and took my hand off his pants. His breathing was still heavy, and I could feel his heart throbbing.

“You’re something else, Chrissy!”

“Are you OK, Ken?”

“Oh, yeah! More than OK! The spring is unwound.”

“Really? I thought you were gonna be sick!”

“Oh, Chrissy, you have a lot to learn. It’s not right for me to teach you. Talk to your sister.”

“You think Claire knows about this?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m pretty certain. Ask her, she’ll fill you in on the details. You are so sweet and innocent. I love you for that.”

“Watch out how you use that word.”

“What word?”

“Love.”

“Can I say, ‘I love you’?”

“You can say it, but maybe it’s a bit premature.”

“OK, I ‘L-word’ you.”

“I L-word you, Ken; ‘Like’, that is. Make that ‘Like plus’. You’re so good looking, strong, and brave; make that ‘Brave plus’. I feel safe and protected when I’m around you and you treat me with respect. I like you a lot, and I’ll be your girl until you dump me or something like that.”

“Chrissy! Dump you? Never!”

“Ken, you’re not afraid what people will say about you going with me?”

“That’s a good thing about being big. Not many people are brave enough to say anything. If they do, I’ll kick their ass!”

I grasped both his arms. “You are big and strong. I’m sure you are capable of doling out a good ‘ass-kicking’.”

“Yeah, I’ve done it.”

“Just take it easy, OK? I really don’t like violence, and I wouldn’t want you to hurt someone and get in trouble.”

“Anything for my girl.”

“Ken, I am your girl … only yours.”

He kissed me. This kiss was not as long or quite as passionate as the previous.

“Ken, it’s starting to get dark. I have to head home.”

“Let’s go, I’ll walk you.”

We walked toward my house hand in hand. Never had I felt so safe walking down the street. I now understood why girls like strong guys. When we arrived at my house, we stood on my front porch. He turned to me, “Chrissy, can I come by in the morning and walk you to school?”

“You better!”

“So right!”

We kissed again. It felt “So right.” I had a boyfriend. Everyone at school would know tomorrow and it would be acceptable. Ken would make sure of that. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Ken left and I went into the house.

I found my mom in the kitchen.

“How did it go?”

“Oh, Mom. It was great. He’s so sweet!”

“Oh? He tasted sweet?”

“Mom! You know what I mean!”

“Yes, but I know you tasted him. I saw you ‘tasting’ him on the porch just a few seconds ago.”

“Sorry, Mom. Is that bad?”

“Absolutely not, Honey! Part of dating is getting a taste!”

“Look, Mom.” I showed her my pendant.

“Oh, that looks expensive! It’s from Ken?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“The way you’re going you may never have to buy another piece of jewelry.”

“Mom, I have some questions about boys.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, we kissed ….”

“Yes, I know.”

“I mean, we kissed at his house. And a certain part of his body ….”

“He got excited … part of his body got bigger. What a surprise!”

“Yes! Why does that happen?”

“Oh, my sweet, innocent little girl! I probably shouldn’t have let you go over there without talking to you about … certain things.”

“Is that what’s called a ‘hard-on’?”

“Chrissy! Well, it’s OK … you didn’t know. Boys talk like that, but not girls … not good girls. That’s what they call it, though.”

“I think I got it.”

“Got what? I know you don’t have a ‘hard-on’!”

“Mom! No, of course not!”

“Good! What is it you have ‘got’?”

“I think I understand this ‘boy’ thing.”

“Really? You may know a little, but it’s probably just the tip of the iceberg! Oh … no pun intended!”

“Will that ever happen to me?”

“Oh, no. We’ll make sure it doesn’t. It would be a sure-fire way to turn a boy off if it happened to you.”

“Good, because it apparently makes a boy very uncomfortable!”

“That’s a good way to put it. It shows that a boy’s body is prepared to engage in sexual intercourse, and it can be very frustrating for a boy if he can’t. So, it happened to Ken while you were kissing.”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad you can’t have intercourse.”

“I guess I am too. One more question.”

“Just one more? OK.”

“I’ll speak plainly. The penis gets hard, but it also gets very big. How is that supposed to fit in a girl’s vagina?”

Mom smiled, “Honey, believe me. God designed it to fit, and it will fit. The girl has to be mature enough, though. That’s why is so dangerous when little girls have sex or get raped. The vagina is not ready. Sex at too young an age can cause tearing and sometimes permanent damage. There is another factor to this. The AIDS epidemic is spread primarily among young men. That’s because there has to be a transfer of blood. The skin inside the rectum is very thin, so the risk of infection is great. Sex between an infected man and a woman, however, is not near as dangerous because there is rarely any bleeding in the vagina. Of course, menstruation is another story. Still, the risk of a woman being infected by a man is about one in twelve-hundred.”

“All that is good to know, but I still don’t see how it fits.”

“You don’t have to worry about that for a long time. When the time comes, you won’t worry at all. Oh, it may be just a little difficult, but you’ll get it done.”

“I see why girls get raped. If he were to force me, there’s no way I could have resisted. He’s so big and strong. His arms are like a brick wall!”

“That’s why you have to be careful. I should have realized I need to talk to you about this kind of thing.”

“It seems like there’s a lot to learn.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m still learning!”

“Really? Are men a mystery to you?”

“Yes! It’s a mystery why they like the things they like. Sometimes it’s a mystery why they do the things they do. If you think you got them figured out, they’ll change.”

“It’s hard to believe I might have been one of them!”

“It’s not too late if you want to ….”

“No Mom! Never!”

“That’s what I thought. You’re happy being my sweet, innocent baby girl.”

“Yes, Mom, I’m perfectly happy.”

“Good! Get Claire and let’s have some dinner.”

We had dinner as the weather began to threaten. At bedtime, I lay in my bed and watched “God’s Light Show” and listened to “God’s Symphony – Movement No. One – Thunder and Lightning”. I always thought lightning was beautiful, even though it could be dangerous. After threatening for a while it started to rain. “God’s Symphony – Movement No. Two – Rain” seemed to be set in for the night. In a dream, I saw Jody smiling the most beautiful smile I had ever seen, and waving; it seemed he was waving goodbye. He sent me a message. I can’t explain how he sent it, but he told me it’s time to stop grieving, always remember our short time together, and that our love, however brief, was real. He wanted me to find true love again and live a full and happy life with the true love I find.

I may find that true love, but Jody will never be replaced in my heart. He is and always will be the love of my youth.

At dawn the next day the rain had stopped, but very dark clouds near the horizon blocked out the rising sun, making it a dark, warm morning. I was up and ready early and stood on the front porch watching for Ken. It started getting later, and it dawned on me, “I should have expected this. Ken can have any girl in the school! Why the hell should he go with me? I’ll bet he’s telling his friends right now, ‘Hey, guess who came to my house last night … the freak! the little faggot who wears dresses to school!’” He’ll tell them about his ‘massage’. Why did I have to be born so stupid! I looked down at the pendant he gave me and wondered how long before it started to turn green. I guess he wanted to add to the illusion that he really liked me. Why? … to hurt me more? … to make the pain unbearable? I felt a teardrop. No! I can’t go to school with my eyes red and puffy from crying! Actually, I can’t go to school at all!

I turned to go back into the house, but caught a glimpse of color down the street. It was Ken, hurriedly turning the corner onto my street. I wiped away the single tear and walked to the end of the sidewalk to meet him.

“Chrissy, I’m so sorry. I overslept. I’m glad you waited!”

“I would have waited all day,” I lied.

As we walked, the dark clouds moved out and the sun beat down on the wet pavement, making it hot and uncomfortably humid; almost steamy.

“Chrissy, aren’t you hot? I’m burning up!”

I looked up at him. “I’ll bet it is hot up there. Heat rises, you know.”

“Of course! I took science class! You ready to face everybody at school?”

“Ken, with you I can face the world!”

Lesley Gore – Sunshine, Lollipops And Rainbows

Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows

Everything that's wonderful is what I feel

When we're together.

Brighter than a lucky penny.

When you're here the raindrops disappears

Dear and I feel so fine.

Just to know that you are mine.

My life is sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows

That's how this refrain goes.

So come on Join In. Everybody.

Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows

Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way

When you're in love to stay.

Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows

Everything that's wonderful is what I feel

When we're together.

Brighter than a lucky penny.

When you hear the raindrops disappears

Dear and I feel so fine.

Just to know that you are mine.

My life is sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows

That's how this refrain goes.

So come on Join In. Everybody.

Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows

Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way

Cause you're in love, you're in love

And love is here to stay!

As my cousin, Lisa and I walked the main hall toward our next class; she looked me over and said, “That dress really looks nice on you.”
I opened my mouth to thank her but was interrupted by the bell. We were late, but the hall was full of students, everyone was late! The bell continued ringing with everyone looking around, wondering what was going on. Lisa reached out and touched my shoulder as the ringing continued. “Tracy!” The ringing stopped. “Tracy, wake up!” I opened my eyes. It was my mom touching my shoulder.
“Tracy, how in the world do you sleep through this alarm? I could hear it from the kitchen! You had a big smile on your face! What were you dreaming about?”
“Baseball.”
“Again? You sure dream about that a lot! Come get some breakfast and get ready for school.”
“Yeah, I scored a touchdown.”
“A touchdown, huh … in baseball? Even I know better than that!” She also knew I didn’t dream about baseball, but that was my standard answer. She accepted that I didn’t want to share. I groaned and dragged myself out of bed. After a bathroom stop, I shuffled to the dining room and sat down to eggs, sausage, and milk.
We heard someone come in the front door, and a voice came from the living room. “Hello?” Lisa, my cousin, and best friend was there to walk with me to school. My mom and her mom are twin sisters. We are Lisa Michelle Rivers and Tracy Morgan Brooks, hence, sometimes referred to as “Rivers and Brooks”.
Lisa’s parents were separated, and her father’s last name was “Parker”, so it was a mystery from whence came the name “Rivers”. When Lisa asked her mom about it, she said it would be revealed when the time was right.
She came into the dining room. “Hello, Aunt Kim. Hello Tracy … oh my! How much did you drink last night!?”
“Ha ha. Go away.” Lisa was always cheerful in the morning. I’m a morning person, too, when I get a decent amount of sleep.
“He was up on the computer until God knows when,” my mom advised Lisa.
“Homework.”
“We really did have a lot of homework to do on the computer last night, Aunt Kim.”
“Lisa, I’m glad that you want to help your cousin, but please, I’m not stupid. I’m somewhat computer savvy, and I know how to look at ‘history’, so y’all better be careful.”
“That’s right, Lisa. Don’t you wish we knew how to delete our history?”
Mom was on to us. “Except when you forget or don’t bother to delete it. Wanna talk about some of those histories after school?”
Lisa did an “Oh well, I tried” shrug of her shoulders.
“Ok, sure,” I said nonchalantly. But, what had she seen? Must have not been much, because she wasn’t insisting that we talk about it. I figured maybe it was a bluff. If she missed something, I was just lucky, because saying she was ‘somewhat computer savvy’, was a major understatement. She was a photographer and expert photo editor with a room full of state of the art computer and photography equipment, and she could create the most beautiful photos. She had an online business and had photos published in major magazines and websites. Her photos were used in advertisements and illustrations for books and magazines. She had recently started experimented with holograms. For her first hologram project, she got Lisa to pose for photos. She must have taken 1,000 photos of Lisa blowing a kiss. When she finished the project, she had a hologram of Lisa that that would blow a kiss as you walked by it. It looked just like she was pursing her lips, raising her hand to her lips, and blowing a kiss. That was her most impressive project so far. It had the quality of an HD video, except it was in 3D. It was awesome.
I finished breakfast and Lisa and I headed out on the trek to school. Lisa looked back at my mom. “I’ll brush his hair, Aunt Kim,” If it weren’t for Lisa I would go to school looking even more ragged. I cared little about the way I looked. I looked like a boy … at least somewhat … and, as I saw it, you can’t fix that.

Lisa also had a superpower. She could go into a room and tell you the length, width, and height within about ¼”. She then could do the math in her head, and tell you the square footage and the cubic footage of the room. If she went into a room that wasn’t perfectly rectangular or square, (i.e. the corners were not exactly 90 degrees) she could tell you how much they were off within a degree or two.

Note: The following paragraph is an explanation of Lisa’s math ability. This is optional reading for any reader interested in understanding her system. If you don’t care, I wouldn’t blame you. Just skip the paragraph.

Lisa could do some amazing things with math. In only seconds, she would make up short cuts with machinations that most people wouldn’t be able to keep straight without pen and paper. She used these short cuts to quickly solve seemingly complex math problems. She gave me a simple example of how she did it. How tall is a ladder that has 80 rungs that are 9 inches apart? If the rungs were 12 inches apart, it would be 80 feet tall but, since 9” is ¾ of 12”, multiply 80” by ¾ and you find that the ladder is 60 feet tall. As I said, this is a simple example, but when a problem requires 10 steps or more and you realize how difficult it can be to keep up with her machinations. She started working on her system when we first started learning math. She thought that it was so neat that you could multiply or divide by 10 by moving the decimal point. She started looking for other short cuts. She memorized the “times” table up to 15 X 15, and she made a ‘division’ table and memorized that up to 10 ÷ 10. She couldn’t look at a question involving dividing a 10 digit number by a 3 digit number and give you the answer in a few seconds. People who can do that can’t tell you how they do it, and they usually are deficient in other areas, such as social interaction. Lisa’s can tell how she solves because she consciously created her system and can tell you how it works. As far as social interaction, she excels. I’m the one who has a problem there. I ‘know’ her system, but I don’t have a memory like hers. Still, her system helps me.

Lisa also saw things others miss. Once, we were watching a movie on CD. The scene was some people driving through a city, with the thousands of city lights on buildings, billboards, etc. As we watched, Lisa said, “That reminds me, your dad told me that Wells Fargo Bank got into some legal trouble.”

“What reminds you of that?”

“The sign.”

“Which sign? There were hundreds of signs.”

“Well, obviously the Wells Fargo sign! I’ll show you.” She took the remote and ran the CD back, working with it until she got to the right place, then paused it. “See?”

It took a few seconds, but I finally picked out a Wells Fargo sign in the distance among the thousands of other, more prominent lights and signs. You had to have been familiar with the sign to recognize what it was because you could barely read “Wells Fargo”. As I said, it took me a few seconds to even find it, even with the picture frozen. Lisa saw in all the flickering of the scene as we watched.
As we walked to school, I thought about my dream. “Oh, by the way, I was gonna say thanks, but I was interrupted by the bell. Thanks, Lisa!”
“For what?”
“Well, you said my dress looked nice.”
“I said that?”
“Yes, just before I woke up.”
“Oh! That dream again. Well, you’re welcome. I’ll bet it looked better than ‘nice’. You were probably really hot! This has gone on … how long? No one has a clue except you and me … and, I suspect, your parents.”
“My parents don’t have a clue.”
“You misjudge them. See, parents have this kind of ‘radar’ when it comes to their kids, plus your mom has looked at your computer history. Wonder what she thought about the sites you visited that were stores selling dresses, jewelry, and ladies shoes. Parents are not as dumb as they look. I know if my dad was as dumb as he looks, he would be too stupid to breathe! He looks like he’s one brick shy of a full load … like his elevator doesn’t go to the top….”
“Lisa, I’ve seen pictures of your dad. He’s pretty good looking, as men go. If he’s so stupid, why are you making straight ‘A’s?”
“Well, my dad is not a genius, but he’s not as dumb as he looks. Still, I get most of my smarts from my mom. My dad’s parents are smart, too. He’s an anomaly.”
“A variation from the norm.”
“Close enough.”
Lisa and I had a running competition about vocabulary. We would learn a new word and try to stump the other by using it. We didn’t keep track of who was ahead, but we stayed pretty even.
“Tracy, when are you gonna tell your parents, ‘Mom and Dad, I am sick and tired of this ‘boy’ thing. A mistake was made somehow and I should have been born a girl. Could I please see about having surgery to correct this mistake’?”
“I said it!”
“You told your parents!?”
“No, I said it in front of the mirror. Just rehearsing.”
“Rehearsing? When is show time?”
“When I think I’m gonna do it, I consider it for about 30 seconds and I chicken out. I can see the three of us at the dinner table and the disappointment on their faces. I can hear the questions: ‘How long have you felt this way?’ ‘Are you gay?’ But the best one is, ‘You know, you could have come to us any time.’ Yeah, right. Not after I heard their comments about a transsexual who was in the news last week.”
“You’re right. That does make it tough.”
As we approached the school, we saw two girls standing near an oak tree, talking. They both were wearing tight mini-dresses … one blue, one with a flower pattern. I groaned.
“Damn Tracy. You’re just miserable! Most guys would be crazy with lust over those girls. You envy them! You gotta do something!”
“You’re right, and soon. Lisa, I want to show you something. Let’s find someplace private.”
Next: An unexpected disorder

We went into the school and found a place under a stairway with no one around. I opened my shirt and showed Lisa my nipples,
“Wow! Tracy, you’re taking hormones….?”

I quickly pulled my shirt back down. “No, I’m not taking anything! My nipples just started getting bigger! I thought they would stop growing, but they didn’t!”

“This is great….”

“Yeah, if I was a girl! I’ve been careful in the locker room, but if someone sees these, I’m done!”

“Yeah, I see your point. Have you told your mom?”

“No, she’ll make me go to the doctor. I hate going to the doctor!”

“Get an ace bandage. You can say you broke a rib.”

“Good idea!”

“I’ll bring a bandage from my house.”

“Thanks!”

The bell rang and we parted. We would see each other in third, fourth and last periods, as well as lunchtime.

After school, we each headed to our homes to research my “disease.” As I was researching, my cell phone buzzed. “Got it, Lisa?”
“You have ‘gynecomastia’.”

“You’re fast. What the details?”

“It’s temporary, dammit. A few weeks … maybe months.”

“I’ve got to keep this hidden that long?”

“Now is the perfect time to talk to parents!”
“OK, soon.”

“Goodnight, Tracy.”

“Night-night Lisa.”

After getting my ‘diagnosis’ from Lisa, I told my mom, “I feel kinda bad. I think I’ll go on to bed now.”
“This early? You must feel bad!” She put her hand to my forehead. “You have a slight fever. Go on to bed and I’ll bring you some juice.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
The next day was Saturday, and I still felt down. I lay around the house all day. I asked Lisa not to come over in case I had something she might catch. Sunday, I was pretty much recovered, but still stayed at home.

I’ve always been an introvert and wouldn’t have had a lot of friends, but for Lisa. She had lots of friends, and they seemed happy to accept me as a friend. Lisa was beautiful, self-confident, and energetic. I never saw her overwhelmed by anything. Actually, I never even saw her ‘whelmed’. We were good friends, but I envied her. She seemed happy with her life and she always had time for me. Life, in general, seemed easier for girls. They could be mean, but they were generally nicer than boys. They also had more varied interests. All boys seemed to care about was sex and cars. The girls would talk about one boy or another, and I learned things they would never tell any other guy. But they would have been stunned if they knew the things the boys said about them. I couldn’t bring myself to tell them. They would make ‘hell’s fury’ look like a day in the park!

School was tough. Every school day, I was exposed to the repulsive stench and sights of the boys’ locker room. Most of them seemed to be years ahead of me in physical development, with lots of body hair and enormous …um… members? I had little body hair and what you might call a “junior member”. I kept to myself, usually managing to be almost invisible, and get out of the locker room quickly.

Bryan, one of the big guys asked me once if I was a “faggot”. I told him, “Actually, I’m not, but don’t you have a steady boyfriend already”? His buddies laughed, and I was seconds away from getting an “ass kickin’ ”. He approached and I backed up slightly, held my hands in front of me, and said, “Hey, I’m not judging. Live like you wanna live.” I figured if I was going to get an ass kickin’, I might as well make it worth it. The ass kickin’ was imminent, but Tim, who was even bigger than Bryan, said, “Back off dipshit.” Bryan walked off muttering something about me not being “worth it”. I mouthed the words, “thank you” to Tim.

Tim was awesome. He was a football star something-back and sometimes called “Tiny Tim” as an ironic reference to his size. Tim was one of those people who had everything going for him. He was big, strong, but very fast. When he ran with the football, no defender could catch him. If one of them somehow got a hand on him, they then had the almost impossible task of bringing him down. One time he ran for a touchdown dragging two defenders behind him. He was no dumb jock either. He was a straight-A student. Of course, he was also very good looking, but he was taken. He and Julie Reed had dated steady as long as anyone could remember. Julie was a star in her own right. Was she head cheerleader? No! She felt cheerleading was all about lust, and she wanted no part of it. Julie was an extremely talented violinist. Of course, her grades matched Tim’s. They were a star couple, and most people, myself included, were in awe of them.

So just a couple of words from Tim was all it took to get Bryan off my back. I could handle myself verbally. Physically, it was better to avoid conflict.
When my dad thought I was old enough, he showed me how to start the lawnmower. I didn’t have the strength to start it, so he started it for me. It was self-propelled, and I could manage to mow, but if the mower stopped, he would have to come out and start it again. My dad would say, “When you’re just a little bit older….” I really doubted I would ever be able to start that monster machine. When I pulled on the string, it felt like the engine was frozen. I couldn’t get it to move even slightly using both hands. Also, the smell of it was offensive and the noise was scary. It was kind of amazing to see my dad easily start it with one hand.

During one of my attempts at lawn mowing, the mower spit out pieces of a grass snake. I ran into the house, crying. I couldn’t tell my parents I was afraid of a grass snake … a dead one at that, so I told them I fell and hurt my back. Of course, I refused any treatment, and you can’t look at a person’s back and tell whether it hurts or not. I dried my tears like a brave little boy, and my dad finished the yard. I think he saw the dead snake and realized why I was crying, but he said nothing. I didn’t walk in the grass for a long time.

That was just one of the times I felt that my dad was disappointed in me. He never acted like it or said anything. I just felt it. He didn’t ask me to mow the lawn again. That was fine with me; I enjoyed helping my mom in the house. I had never told my parents about my wish that I had been born a girl. I wasn’t sure what my parents would say, but I didn’t have the nerve to find out.

My dad was a religious person who never went to church. If that seems to be an oxymoron, I should explain. He grew up in a strict protestant church. He said he sat through countless hours of preaching and Bible teaching. He felt like about 90% of those hours were wasted due to the preacher analyzing the scriptures, expanding on them, and sometimes adding their own opinions. When he left home for college, he quit going to church completely.

He was still a Christian and wanted me to grow up with the teaching that he had. He said that the bible is both critical to literature and a good guide to living a full life. He decided that he could impart this knowledge to me and my mom without all the “fluff” and the hypocrisy of organized religion. So, when I was very young, he took the family to a service in the church he attended as a child. He said he wanted us to see what we were missing.

I saw what I was missing! I almost felt like I should get down on my knees and thank God that I didn't have to go back. With the singing, the announcements, the ‘testimony service’, the sermon and the altar call, I thought it would never end. The preacher took 45 minutes just to tell us that, as the old song says, “Pharaoh’s army got drown-ded. Oh, Mary doncha weep.” I left there with a sore butt from sitting so long. I vowed that if my parents wanted me to go to another service, I would have a drug problem. That is: I would have to be ‘drug’ to church.
But, as I said, my dad just wanted us to see what we were missing. He seemed to have a cyclopedic knowledge of the scripture, so he set up Sunday morning “devotions”, during which he would read from the Bible, and ask me and my mom to tell what we thought the passage meant, and how it could be applied to our lives. Sometimes we would tell something that happened during the week that we thought tied into bible teaching. He would then expand on the story and what we said about it. He made the stories short, interesting, and we found that there was actually humor in the bible! If the session was very long, it might last 45 minutes. My mom told Lisa’s mom about the sessions, and they joined us every week. Lisa didn’t like the idea at first, but I asked her if she wanted me to take her to one of the church’s 3-hour services and she was more accepting of our devotions. She even grew to enjoy them and participated eagerly. Of course, she loved to talk anyway.

Once, during our devotion, the subject was ‘the fall’; the eviction of Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden. I told my dad I thought Eve got a raw deal.

“Well”, my dad opined, “whose side are you on, anyway?! How was she treated unfairly?”

“The serpent tricked Eve into eating the fruit. Then, she gave the fruit to Adam and he ate it. So, Eve was deceived, but Adam was disobedient. Yet, Eve got punished more than Adam.”

“Wow, I’m proud of you for coming up with that, because it shows that you’re listening and you’re thinking. You’re not the first to proffer that idea, however. Here’s what I can tell you about that. The bible just says she gave the fruit to Adam and he ate. It doesn’t say whether she told Adam what the serpent said or whether she tricked Adam into eating. When the bible is silent on an issue, no amount of analysis or conjecture will yield more details about what occurred. As Christians, we must remember that ‘there is no respect of persons with God’. Our God is a just God. There is no way to know all the ways of God. The book of First Corinthians says, ‘for now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.’ Thank you for pleading Eve’s case, though.”

“You’re welcome, Dad.” I looked up. “Eve, I tried.”

“Son, I know you’re only joking about talking to Eve, and I don’t want to nitpick, but the bible forbids trying to communicate with the dead.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“It’s OK. You didn’t know, but now you do. No séances or the like.”

“Got it!”

Next: Aced

Monday morning Lisa gave me the ace bandage on the way to school. I went into the restroom and put it on as soon as we got to school then came back into the hall to get her approval.

“Looks good. No sign of boobs.”

“How was your shopping trip?”

“Good! I saw a dress that would look soooo good on you! Who knows? Maybe I bought it for you! Are you feeling better today?”

“You know, my head and my stomach feel fine. Would you go for a body swap, you and me?”

“Babe, to make you happy, I’d do it. Of course, that’s easy to say, since it’s impossible.”

“Actually, if it was possible, I wouldn’t do it! I like you too much to condemn you to a body that’s going to morph in the most repulsive way I can imagine. You would hate me forever.”

“Look at it this way … there are a lot of girls … a majority of girls who wouldn’t find that body repulsive. They’ll probably be fighting to see who can be the first to get to do the ‘horizontal bop’ with you.”

“Very picturesque, but I’m afraid they’d be disappointed. They’d expect ‘sock it to me’, but all they’d get is ‘lay it on me’!”

“No way! Once that testosterone kicks in, things ‘down there’ will change in a way that they will appreciate.”

“You know … I’m starting to feel nauseous again. Could you not threaten me with my fate?”

“You can abort that process, but you better quit wasting time. Tell your parents how you feel. How about I talk to them?”

“No!”

“Tell you what … I won’t say a word if you promise to tell them. I’ll be there with you for support.”

“Lisa, I just can’t do it!”

“OK, I’ve been holding this card for a while. I can get you some hormones on the web without a script. I’ll get you a testosterone blocker and some Estradiol ….”

“… and you’ll get yourself some time in jail for buying them without a prescription!”

“No way! I’ll order them in your name!”

“So I go to jail? No you won’t. Didn’t we promise to ‘do no harm’ to each other?”

“OK, nothing illegal, but I need to talk to your mom after school. I’m really ….” The bell rang and Lisa hurried down the hall. She turned back slightly as she walked and wagged her fingers on one hand. “Bye-bye.”

It was incredible that she hadn’t already convinced me to tell my parents. I didn’t think she would talk to my parents but, if she did I couldn’t stop it, so there was no need to worry. Deep down, I wished she would, but dreaded what the result might be. I trudged through the school day, then went home, fell across the bed, and broke the law. I cried.

_____________________________________________________
The miserable days passed slowly. Two weeks later, a gloomy Saturday dawned on my pathetic existence. I got out of bed, took off my shirt, unwrapped the bandage, and went to the mirror. There was no doubt about it; my (not so) tiny boobs were thriving. Fat was forming behind my perky nipples.

Without warning, my mom opened the door. “Tracy would you….” She stopped. She looked as if she were frozen there with a pile of clothes in her hand and her mouth open.

“Not nice to stare, mom.”

My voice seemed to wake her out of her bewilderment. “Tracy! What’s…?. Why do…?. What’s going on?”

“Not much … just a little gynecomastia. It’s normal for boys my age.”

“Tracy, I know what gynecomastia is. This looks like it’s beyond gynecomastia. Are you taking hormones?”

“No, mom! I wouldn’t even know where to get something like that. It’s supposed to go away in a few weeks, so no big deal.”

“Right. No big deal. I’ll make you an appointment with Dr. Canton to make sure everything’s all right. I can just about guarantee you that this is more than gynecomastia.”

“You mean it could be something like cancer?”

“No. I’m thinking a hormone imbalance. We’ll let the doctor figure it out. In the meantime, keep your shirt on.” She smiled at her little attempt at humor.

It was pointless to argue with her. The next week, I would have to be checked out by Dr. Canton. He was old as the moon and almost blind. At least I figured that, at his age, he had seen everything.
__________________________________________________
A day off from school was nice. The waiting room was not very crowded, thankfully. We only had to wait a half hour.

“Gynecomastia”, announced Dr. Canton in his frail voice.

“That’s all? He has fat behind his nipples.” My mom was incredulous.

“I’ve seen ‘em bigger, and it goes away. I could give him medication, but I don’t like to do that unless it’s necessary. I’ll write him a note so he doesn’t have to go to PE. That might spare him some embarrassment.”

On the ride home, I said, “Told you, Mom.”

“Well, at least you have that note. I know how much you hate PE.”

“Yeah, guess it was worth it.”

When I got home, I called Lisa.

“It’s official, Dr. Canton says it’s gynecomastia. He gave me a note. I’m excused from PE.”

“Wow, that’s good.”

“I guess I’ll be wearing the bandage for a while.”

“OK, you can keep it. Nobody at my house wants to hide their boobs.”

“That’s not what it’s supposed to be for.”

“I know, but just keep it. Let’s go shopping.”

“Does anything happen that doesn’t trigger you to want to go shopping?”

“No, I celebrate anything that happens by going shopping. If nothing happens, I celebrate nothing happening by going shopping.”

“Bye, Lisa.”

“Bye-bye, Sweetie.’

Chapter 4

About a week after the doctor assured us that I had gynecomastia, and nothing fatal, my mom came to my room and asked, “How’s the chest?”

“It’s better. They’re getting smaller.”

“Let me see.”

I knew there was no need to argue, so I opened my shirt and showed her my healthily growing boobs. She took one look and said, “OK, back to the doctor. This time, I’m not taking ‘gynecomastia’ for an answer!”

So back to the doctor we went. Same office … new doctor.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Becker. Dr. Canton is retiring soon, and he’s working limited hours for a few weeks until his official retirement.” He looked at my chart a few seconds, then looked at me. “OK, Tracy, could you take off your shirt and let’s have a look.” He felt my nipples and the fat behind them. “OK, you can go ahead and put your shirt back on.” He turned to look at my mom. “Boys Tracy’s age sometimes develop slight growth like this. As Dr. Canton told you, it’s called ‘gynecomastia’ and it’s harmless and temporary. Tracy, however, has a bit more fat growth than what we normally see. Has he had any other problems recently?”

“He had a little stomach ... virus I suppose, and headache a few days ago, but he was better the next day.”

He turned back to me, “Cramps … did your stomach cramp?”

“Yes, sir. I guess I would say it cramped.”

“Tracy, go behind the curtain here and take off your pants and underwear, put on the gown back there, then come back and lie on this table. Mom? Would you like to stay?”

“I’ll go in the hall, doctor.”

“Ok, I’ll get a nurse in here and we’ll proceed.”

I did as he said and lay on the table. He had me put my feet in stirrups. A nurse came in and the doctor proceeded to fondle my genitalia. Doctor or no doctor … I was extremely uncomfortable.

“Looks … a bit … anom….” He mumbled a long word that I didn’t quite catch, but it sounded like ‘anomalous’. My genitalia are anomalous? At least he didn’t say ‘tiny’.

The nurse apparently understood. She nodded and quietly said, “Um hum.”

“Ok, Tracy, you can put your clothes back on. Lori, have his mom come back in.”

He wrote on my chart as my mom came back into the room. “The good news is; I doubt that this is something insidious and malicious. I would like, however, to do some blood work to see why he has the abnormal amount of fat growth behind the nipples. Lori will take some blood, and I’ll have some tests done. When I get the results, I’ll call you, OK? Tracy, let me ask you this. How are you getting along at school?”

“Ok, I guess.”

“Ever get the feeling you don’t quite ‘fit the mold’ ”?

“Exactly!”

“Well, keep this in mind; something unique and exceptional doesn’t come from a mold. I know Dr. Canton wrote you a note excusing you from P.E., but I’m going to write another one. When a doctor retires, things like this note retire with him. I wouldn’t want you to have any problems. If the school gives you any crap about it, give them my number and I’ll set them straight.”

With the last line, he became my favorite doctor in the whole world. He seemed to be both brilliant and wise, but I thought his questions seemed odd given the reason for my visit. Still, I was elated to continue my boycott of the dreaded boys’ locker room.

The nurse procured some equipment to take blood. She wrapped a rubber tube around the top of my arm and produced a needle almost the size of a pencil. “Ok, you’ll feel a sting, but please try not to move and please breathe normally.”

I closed my eyes and felt the needle go into my arm. Then, I opened my eyes and began to closely watch the blood flow through the tube. I wondered why she told me to ‘breathe normally’.

“Breathe!” she said sternly. Oh … that’s why. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath. I started breathing … normally? In a few seconds, she reiterated, “Breath!” I hate needles. She filled all the vials, removed the giant needle from my arm, and taped a piece of cotton to the wound.

“You’ve been so good! Would you like a sucker?” She was half joking. I refused the candy. I don’t care that much for candy and I hadn’t been that good anyway.

We left the doctor’s office and went to the hospital for more tests. I had to lie down and go through a machine that made a humming sound and clicks. When that was done we went home and I went straight to bed. I was exhausted from ‘guinea pigging’. Tomorrow was Saturday and I wasn’t sure I would get out of bed until Sunday. I thought about the bible verse that said something like, “…a little sleep, a little slumber….” Ah, yes. Just what I needed!

____________________________________________________________

“Tracy, wake up!”

Did I tell you about my totally annoying cousin, Lisa? I can’t stand her! … at least I couldn’t stand her on this particular Saturday morning at 9 AM when she was disturbing my wonderful, rejuvenating slumber. I had only slept 12 or 13 hours!

“Lisa, go the fuc….”

“Tracy, such language! OK, I’ll quit bothering you.” She walked to the other side of my bedroom, turned the chair at my dresser around, and sat staring at me. She knew I couldn’t ignore her. She sat completely silent. I tried to go back to sleep, but I would open my eyes and she was sitting there looking at me in complete silence.

“OK, Lisa. I give up. Just give me a little time to wake up.”

“I want to know if the doctor said you’re going to live. What did he say?”

“He wanted to know how I got along at school. I told him everything in my life was fine except for my annoying cousin who wakes me up in the wee hours of the morning on Saturday. Oh … he had me go through a big noisy machine and had the nurse take about a gallon of blood. I think they’re gonna drink it and worship the devil.”

“So he didn’t give you any answers. He didn’t tell you how to keep your boobs growing?”

“No, he wanted to know whether I ‘fit the mold’.”

“He has a mold for boobs?”

“Dammit, Lisa, it too early for crap like that! You are so full of shit!”

“Tracy! The way you talk!”

“That’s the way boys talk! It’s one of the very few advantages of being a boy! We don’t have to be all dainty and shit!”

“Ok, sorry babe. So you just went to the doctor, he charged your mom an arm and a leg, and didn’t tell you shit!”

I thought a second. “Yes. That pretty well sums it up, but he’s supposed to know more about what’s going on when he gets the test results.”

“Oh! What if it’s AIDS!?”

“No way! You gotta do some nasty shit to get AIDS. Oops … no pun intended. Either that or you have to have a blood transfusion and that nasty little bug swims right in.”

“OK. Well, let’s celebrate you going to the doctor. Let’s go shopping!”

“Any excuse, huh?”

“Yeah, I celebrate anything that happens by going shopping. If nothing happens, I celebrate nothing happening by going shopping.”

“I think I would too if I could wear some of the cute things you wear.”

“Yeah, I know how to shop, and you could wear them if you had the ball … oops.”

“Lisa, if I find out I’m not dying, I’m gonna go for it. I’m gonna have an operation.”

“Tracy, that’s wonderful … seriously!”

“I don’t think I’m dying. I think I’m gonna live … miserably!”

“I know you’re unhappy, babe. When are you gonna talk to your parents?”

“I’m gonna wait until the results from the blood tests come back. Then, I’m gonna go for it!”

“Good boy … girl

Monday, I was back at school, happily exempt from physical education class and the dreaded boys’ locker room. I got to go to the library and study, do homework or read. The school didn’t seem to care what I did during that time since they were deprived of the ability to torture me. I was able to do the small amount of homework that was assigned, and that left my time after school completely free of study or schoolwork. This wonderful arrangement lasted for 3 days, followed by a new and shocking diagnosis that, left alone, could be fatal.

Next: Possibly deadly

After school the next day, I went home and went to my room. Since my homework was done, I got on the internet and looked around for something interesting. I wasted time until my mom came to my room and rapped lightly on the door, then opened it a little. “Tracy, please come to the dining room. Your dad and I need to talk to you about something.”

“What did I …?”

“You’re not in trouble. Just come … let’s talk.”

I found my dad at the dining room table expressionless with his arms folded. He didn’t take his eyes off me. He seemed to be studying my face, like he had never seen me before. He unfolded his arms and smiled. “Sit down, baby. Don’t worry, you haven’t done anything wrong.” Then, he smiled and added, “…anything we’ve found out about, anyway”. My dad called me “baby”? He never called me “baby”! I sat at the table across from him. There were papers on the table. Some had the doctor’s letterhead, others were from the hospital. I sat down … my heart pounding. This could only mean one thing. I was terminally ill! My mind raced. What could I have? Not AIDS. I didn’t have the prerequisites. Cancer? … was it in my growing boobs?

My mom sat down and began, “Honey, when a baby is born, the first thing people notice is the sex of the child. It’s easy to determine, and someone in the room is sure to comment, ‘It’s a girl.’ or ‘It’s a boy’. I say ‘easy to determine’, because it usually is easy. Sometimes, however, it’s not so easy. In cases like that, the ‘diagnosis’ can be incorrect.”
“Mom, are you talking about me? Are you trying to tell me y’all thought I was a girl?”

“No, honey, we thought you were a boy….”

“But I am a…. Wait … You thought …. OK … this makes no sense at all. You thought I was a boy … I am a boy … so what’s the problem?”

“It’s called ‘anomalous genitalia’. Your test results show that you have two ‘X’ chromosomes and all the internal organs of a female, but as you grew in the womb you developed a small semblance of a penis and testicles.”

“I’m a girl?” My heart was pounding and I felt my face turning red.

“Honey, I know it’s a shock. It’s a life changer. You could try to continue living as a boy, but you would have to have major surgery to remove your reproductive organs, then you would need hormone therapy to cause your body to develop male characteristics. However, your fake penis doesn’t have the muscles to cause an erection, so you would never be able to have sexual relations. The doctor says that the best course of action is a relatively simple operation to remove the superfluous tissue and allow you to develop normally as a female. The doctor gave me the name of a counselor. It might help to talk to someone like that.”

“Mom … this is insane!” My mind was racing through the thousands of changes I would have to endure. Clothing was a big one. School? Oh…crap! I just show up in a dress? The scenario was as scary as it was predictable. Dating guys? Nope … can’t do it! Marriage … in a wedding gown … to a guy? Never! Wait … Can I get pregnant? I had heard some incredible things before, but I was facing something more unreal than any of them! I felt trapped. There was no escape. The hormones produced in my body would cause people around me to witness as I turned from a boy to a girl.

I heard a voice from somewhere. Oh, it was my mom! “… working in your favor. Your dad’s transfer at work is scheduled for May. You need to have surgery very soon. Possibly you can study at home for the remainder of the year, then take the summer to adapt. In September, you can start fresh in a new town … new school. It will be a big adjustment for your dad and me, as well. We have a daughter instead of a son. We have always had a daughter, but we tried to raise you as a boy. Also, you can be a mom, but not a dad ... biologically.”

Strangely, I wanted to giggle at that moment. I stifled that and looked at my dad. He was still sitting quietly and I turned to him. “Dad … help?”

“Son … uh … daughter … Honey?” he smiled, “We got this information yesterday and I was angry and wanted to blame someone. I wasn’t angry about having a daughter instead of a son. I was angry that the doctors misled us, causing you years of pain trying to fit in. I tried in my mind to blame the doctors, your mom, even you. I finally realized that, if it is anyone’s fault, it doesn’t matter. From this point, what you need is support, not accusations or ridicule. I also want you to realize that you are not at fault in any way. I also want you to know that our love for you is unconditional. We want to help you adjust to the changes coming your way. I loved my son from the day he was born, and now I love my daughter from the day she was born … actually the same day. I think we all see things coming into focus now…things that we didn’t even know were out of focus! Can I say now that you weren’t much of a boy … too feminine? I never would have said that before today, but it’s actually a compliment. Any girl would have a hard time trying to fit in as a boy. You probably did better than some. There may be some tough times ahead, but your mom and I will help you any way we can. But there is some good news! Effective immediately, you are exempt from working on the lawn. I’ll take care of the lawn … and the grass snakes.” He smiled again … a “yes, I knew” smile. “Actually, it was more work to have you cut the grass than to do it myself. I guess that’s one of the things ‘coming into focus’.”

“Thanks, dad.”

“Now, your mother has some things to discuss with you that should just be between the ladies. I’ll make my exit for now. Remember, I love you no matter what.”

“Oh my God. ‘Between the ladies’? This is wild!”

After he was gone, Mom started again. “Honey, there’s one more thing, and this affects the timing. As I said, you need to have surgery pretty soon.”

“Why? What’s the hurry?”

“The cramps and headaches you’ve been having were symptoms of your body trying to menstruate.”
I felt my body getting numb.

-----------------------------------------------------------

“Tracy? Tracy? Honey, wake up!”

I opened my eyes to find myself on the floor with my mom and dad hovering over me.

I heard my mom saying, “I told her about the period thing and … plop! Down she went!”

“That’s understandable.”

She who? Who the hell were they talking about? I closed my eyes again. “Mom, I just had the weirdest dream!”

“About sex?” my mom asked.

“Oh no, mom. About baseball … I never dream about sex!”

I heard my dad say, “She hasn’t lost her sense of humor.”

So it wasn’t a dream! Pronouns are a funny thing. At the moment, the fact that I would be referred to as ‘she’ seemed to be the strangest part of this whole situation. ‘Where’s Tracy?’ ‘Oh, she’s over there’. Strange!

I opened my eyes and looked at my mom. “Mom, you did say … Menstruation? Bleeding … down … there? I looked toward the lower part of my body. It comes from a girl’s … you know!”

“Vagina, right.”

At that point, without comment, my dad silently and quickly exited again.

“Uh … I don’t have a place for it to come out.”

“That’s exactly why the doctor said we have to do something soon. It’s not an emergency situation, but it could easily become one. The discharge could become septic, and the resulting infection could be fatal.”

“And that’s bad?”

“Don’t talk like that, Tracy. Let’s be honest, OK? Once you get over the shock, you’ll be glad to get your own dresses and makeup and not have to borrow mine when I’m not home. That’s a good thing, right?”

Well, my dad knew about the grass snake and my mom knew about the cross-dressing. You can’t hide anything from parents. I say ‘cross-dressing’, but the actual cross-dressing was every day when I got dressed for school in boys’ clothes. The whole situation was strange.
“I’m sorry, mom.”

“No, Tracy. Any apologies need to be made not by you, but to you. Any finger pointing should not be directed at you, and your dad and I will break any fingers that get pointed your way. You knew something was wrong more than anyone. I have to say that it’s probably rare for a mom to be proud of her son because he’s cross-dressing, but it turns out that it was your way of trying to correct an error made by someone else. What else could you do? Right now, I want to say something about which I am completely sincere, and I will be saying every day for the rest of my life: ‘I love my beautiful, smart and loving daughter.’ Now, we have years of lost mother/daughter time that we need to make up, and we need to enjoy every minute we spend doing it.”

“Thanks, mom. You make things seem not so bad … maybe something to look forward to.”

“Thank you, Tracy. Making you feel better gives me a really good feeling inside. Now, can we get you up off the floor?”

“I’ll try, but I feel like I weigh a ton!”

“Yes. Definitely female.”

“What do you mean?”

“About 99% of the females in the United States think they’re overweight.”

“Well, in my case it’s not fat. It’s stress that’s weighing me down. If I can lift all of this off the floor, I’m gonna go up to my room and call Lisa, OK?”

“Sure! You’re lucky to have her for a cousin. She’s also a good friend….”

“Yeah, she’s the best.”

“I’m sure you’ll share all of this with her. Just be sure to impress on her the importance of confidentiality.”

“I will, and she can definitely keep a secret. She calls it her ‘wild horses’ ability.”

Next: News Travels Fast

I made my way up to my room, called Lisa, and told her I was headed to her house with news. Lisa loves news … not TV news, but other news … OK, gossip. I told her it was something that involved my gender and it was amazing and incredible. I took my time getting to her house and made her suffer a little. She was waiting just outside her front door when I arrived, patting her foot and pretending to be looking at her watch. We talked as headed to her room.

“Damn, babe, took a while! What’s up?”

“Lisa, when I tell you this, I know you will understand the importance of keeping it confidential.”

“Ok, whacha got?”

“Let me repeat the word ‘confidential’ ”.

“OK. You know me. You know I definitely know the meaning of the word, as well as how to put the word into practice … ‘wild horses’, etc.”

“OK … here goes … ready?”

“Come on, babe, you’re killing me!”

“I’m a girl.”

“Of course! That’s not news! We talked about that! Inside, you’re a female, and you’re ready to have an operation to correct your body to match your soul. So you talked to your parents? “

“No, I didn’t tell them I want to be a female. They told me I should have an operation.”

“What!? A sex change operation!?”

“No. I’m already a girl.”

“Tracy, you’re an enigma, but I love you. I’m gonna sit here and let you put this puzzle together so it makes sense. As of right now, however, I don’t see any way you can do that.”

“Ok. It’s simple. The tests the doctor had done show that I have 2 ‘X’ chromosomes. The tests also show that, internally, I have female parts. I have a womb, ovaries and all the other parts that are female. I’m as much female as you, except for a small amount of tissue that resembles a penis and testicles. The muscles that would cause an erection are not there. So, I was right when I said I could ‘lay it on’ a girl, but not ‘sock it to her’. That would be one disappointing date!”

Lisa sat for a long time in shock. She said nothing. I didn’t know if she was going to laugh, cry, or … who knows? I looked closer, however, and saw wheels turning. Her complex super-brain was working at the speed of light (at least) to analyze every scenario this change would bring. She sat with wide eyes and her mouth agape as she thought of the changes for me, for her (we were cousins), for my parents, for the rest of the family, for the school. I’m sure her amazing brain continued analyzing until all possibilities were exhausted. This must have taken at least 10 seconds. Very slowly, the look of shock began to fade, replaced, gradually, by a smile. “Tracy … you’ll … Tracy … you’re … Tracy … Oh … My … God …. You’re my girl cousin! Life is beautiful!”

“Well, Lisa, it’s not that simple ….”

“It couldn’t be more simple, Tracy! You, see, there are only 2 sexes ….”

“Lisa! Stop!” She smiled. “Lisa, you’ve always known that you’re a girl, you went to school as a girl. You did everything as a girl, so it is that simple for you. I’ve been living as a boy, and there is no way I can just switch clothes, restrooms, and everything else. ‘Hey everybody! Y’all thought I was a boy. Surprise! How do you like me now?’ And the answer comes back, ‘Pervert’, ‘Queer’, ‘Homo’!”

“You’re right, people are touchy about gender. You’re either male or female, zero or one, a pointer or a sitter.”

“What?”

“Not important. What you gonna do?”

“Well, just before the end of the school year, in May, my dad is getting a transfer at work. I have to get surgery to remove this excess tissue, and hopefully finish the few weeks left of school by doing my schoolwork at home. When the school year is done, my mom and I can join my dad, and I can start anew in a new city, new school, new life!”

“Great!” She smiled a smile which quickly disappeared. We knew this move was coming. Likewise, we both hated it. We had campaigned, encouraged, cried, begged and made outrageous promises to get Lisa’s mom to move with us, but, so far, it didn’t seem like it was going to happen. Her mom had a law degree, but spent most of her time on her thriving online business, so moving was simple. She could work from any place in or out of the country. The only reason they wouldn’t agree seemed to be that they were adults, and adults don’t ‘cling’ to each other like that. Then, we tried to sell them on the idea that ‘clinging’ could be a good thing. We were desperate. We seemed doomed to both lose our best friend.

“Lisa. Our parents have to understand that I can’t do this alone. I need an advisor, a confidante, a friend! There is only one person I trust to fill these roles.”

“Who?”

“Lisa … come on … you!”

She smiled again. “Awww, thanks, sis … cousin … sis !” We frequently referred to each other as ‘sis’ when no one else was around. Now we could say it in ‘public’! “Ok, we’ve tried everything else. This will work. You can’t be just cast among a new group of people with no training on how to speak or interact with your peer group. Matter of fact, your old group had penises ….”

“Were penises, to be exact!”

“You’re right about that! Your new peer group has vaginas. Of course, the differences between the groups go way beyond what’s between the legs. You’re going to be in like … a whole different dimension! They can’t expect you to go it alone!”

We heard the front door open. “Lisa! It’s mom. I need to talk to you about something.”

Lisa hurried into the living room with me lagging behind. She could hardly wait to share. “Mom, we have something for you first.”

“No, mine first. Lisa, I’ve decided you and I are going to move to Houston this summer so you and Tracy can be together for the transition.”

“So, you know already!” We were stunned.

“Of course! I’ve talked to my sister. The situation is unusual, to say the least, and Tracy is gonna need all the help he … she can get. Dammit! I promised myself I wouldn’t get the pronouns wrong! Tracy, are you gonna change your name? ‘Tracy’ could be a girl’s name, but I’ll bet you’re gonna want to change it.”

“Yes, the name Tracy that I have is a boy’s name, because it was thought that it was being given to a boy. Yes, I’d like to change it. I want a clean break. I’ll have to think about it.”

“Good for you! I will help you all I can. Who knows? Lisa might even help a little, too.”

“Mom! I’m the supervisor of this whole transition!”

“She’s right,” I had to admit. “Since this ‘news’ broke, I think I’ve talked more with Lisa than my parents.”

Aunt Katy smiled. “Lisa knows about being a girl.”

“How are my parents, Aunt Katy?”

“Oh, they’re fine! We’re all in shock, of course. The question is ‘how are you?’ ”

“I’m good! A lot of things make sense that didn’t seem right before.”

“I’m not surprised by that. When I was a kid, I can’t imagine living as a boy. I was a real girly-girl; your mom was too. Now … what did you girls want to tell me?”

Lisa spoke up, “Well, it’s already settled, but I’ll ask anyway. Is there any way in the world we can move to Houston with Tracy’s family?”

“Well, let me think … OK, let’s do that. I’m glad it’s settled. I don’t think I could go another day with y’all pestering me about that.”

“I can hardly wait until tomorrow morning so I can not go to school. Sorry, Lisa.”

“I’m fine. I’ll be at your house after school every day to supervise your work.”

“You’re just supposed to bring me my work, but I know you. You’ll make me actually do the work!”

“I’m the supervisor of this transition, and schoolwork at home is part of it!”

“Lisa grabs as much power as she can. So, where are you girls headed next?”

“We’re off to my room to get Tracy into some decent clothes.”

“Ok. When you decide on something, I’d like to see how she looks.”

“With me supervising, you know she’ll look fantastic!”

“Of course! I’ll call Tracy’s mom so she won’t think …she … jumped off a cliff or something. Y’all have fun!”

“Ok, mom; we’ll be a while because I want to do this right!”

We headed to Lisa’s room. I couldn’t help but think how weird it was to be trying on all those neat clothes … and it was ok!

Next: No More Cross-Dressing