Happy

I’m tired
I’m tired of the struggle.
I’m tired of swimming against the current.
I’m tired of the fighting.
Punch after punch.
Bout after bout.

When does the final bell finally sound?
When are the victors crowned?
When does the last drop of sweat fall?
I could ask the same for the last drop of blood.
I
want to put up my gloves.
I want to rest.
I want to relax on a summer’s day in a grassy field and look at the blue sky
I want to take a breath and not think it may be my last
I want to close my eyes and hear nothing, not even the sound of my own heartbeat.
I want to heal

My muscles ache and my lungs are seared as I swap another exchange of blows
I want to sink into oblivion
Can the clock turn back before I joined this God-forsaken tournament called life?
Can I simply refuse to enter or forfeit before the battle begins to rage?
Can I take a dive in the first round and leave with my head hung low but with my sanity intact?

Another blow lands.
I didn’t see it coming.
It knocks me for a loop but it brings me to my senses.
There is no losing or quitting, only death.

There are some of us never meant to be what we aspire to be.
There were some of us never meant to be
Happy.