----------=BigCloset Retro Classic!=----------

Orphan Chapter 1 By Sue Brown Copyright© 2007, 2016 Sue Brown All Rights Reserved. As we travelled along in the car, I wondered what would become of me. I thought back two weeks ago and remembered with horror when I found out that my parents had died coming back from a new year’s party. It was 1969 when they left and it was now 1970.

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Admin Note: Originally published on BigCloset TopShelf on Monday 12-29-2007 at 03:21:08 pm, this retro classic was pulled out of the closet, and re-presented for our newer readers. ~Sephrena
 
Chapter 1
 
As we travelled along in the car, I wondered what would become of me.

I thought back two weeks and remembered with horror when I found out that my parents had died coming back from a new year’s party. It was 1969 when they left and it was now 1970.

I had been tucked up in bed and fast asleep. I had only just turned 11 and was considered too young to stay up very late; as my parents were not due to return until the early hours of the morning.

My babysitter, Rachel had been paid a lot of money to look after me on New Years Eve. She had just dumped her boyfriend and didn’t want to go clubbing.

It was about 3.00am, I think, things were a bit sketchy and disjointed, so can’t really be sure.

I was woken up gently by Rachel; even so I jumped slightly.

I opened my eyes, blinking in the glare of the bedside lamp.

I rubbed my sleepy eyes and then blearily looked at Rachel and noticed that she had been crying.

‘What’s wrong, Rachel?’

Just then, I noticed a woman standing at the end of the bed and a policeman and another lady, carrying a case, standing at the bedroom door.

‘Mark, this lady needs to tell you something and I’m sorry, it will make you upset.’

She sat on the bed and held my hand as the lady at the end of the bed came over, sat beside me and spoke.

‘Mark, dear, I’m sorry to have to tell you some very bad news. About an hour ago your mother and father were driving along the bypass. A van was coming the other way, lost control and hit your parents’ car, head on. The driver was drunk, we believe, but won’t be sure until later.’

‘How is my mum and dad, are they hurt?’

I could see by the woman’s face and the tears in her eyes that the worst possible thing had happened.

‘NO!’

Things got a bit confused then, I was being spoken to and hugged by Rachel but I was hysterical. I felt the jab of a needle in my arm and things went black.

When I woke up I was in a bit of a daze. I knew that I had been told that my mum and dad had died but I didn’t really believe it and felt numb. I found out later that I had been given drugs to help me over the worst of the horror.

Noticing that I was in a strange bedroom, I was told that I was in a foster home, an emergency one. I was to stay there until something could be worked out.

Being an only child; I had no known relatives alive except an aunt; my mothers’ sister. She lived up north somewhere, but Auntie Christine had been out of touch with us for years and I barely remembered her.

A series of people came to visit me, social workers, a doctor a lady police officer. I just wanted to curl up and be by myself. I wanted to cry but found no tears. I was surrounded by sympathy and felt stifled. I needed to grieve but didn’t have time to do it. I wanted to be alone!

My temporary foster parents were Sue and Phil, they were nice and gentle people and they must have realised that all these well meaning people were doing me more harm than good. Gradually, I was left alone to my thoughts and sorrow.

The following day Sue came in the bedroom and sat on the bed. I hadn’t moved from there for two days apart from using the toilet.

‘How are you feeling, Mark?’

I shrugged my shoulders and said nothing.

‘Are you sleepy?’

I nodded.

‘Well, that’s probably the pills and the fact that you are in shock over your parents' death.’

I looked up to her.

‘They’re not really dead are they?’

‘Yes, honey, I’m sorry, but they are.’

‘They can’t be dead.’

‘I know it’s hard, but you must come to terms with it. You are so young to have this happen to you, but you have to be big, brave and strong. Your parents are probably looking down at you now, hoping that you feel better and wishing that you move on with your life.’

I looked up at her; tears smarting my eyes.

‘So they really have gone?’

‘Yes.’

I fell into her arms and cried my heart out.

I felt a bit better after that. I still was upset, angry, hurt and all other things people feel when they have such a loss in their lives but crying helped to relieve the tension and pain.

I stayed with Sue and Phil for two weeks. The doctors said that it would not be good for me to go to the funeral and I agreed. I didn’t want to see two boxes with my parents in them. I wanted to remember them as my loving and happy mum and dad.

My Aunty Christine could not be found as she had moved from her last known address. So it was up to the local council to look after me. So here I was, being taken by Sue and Phil to the council office where a decision was to be made as to where I should now go.

We pulled up outside a drab office building and were soon walking up some lino covered stairs and along a lime green corridor, finally reaching a door marked "CHILDREN’S SERVICES".

Phil knocked on the frosted glass door and we walked in.

There was a lady typing loudly behind a wooden desk, she had a cigarette in her mouth and she looked up as we entered.

‘Hello Phil and Sue.’

‘Hi Mandy is he in? we’re expected.’

‘Yes, Phil, hang on a mo.’

Mandy picked up the phone.

‘Mr Rogers, your 2.30 is here.’

She placed the phone back on the cradle, looked at me and smiled and then said, ‘Won’t be a mo. Take a seat.’

We sat down on the cold hard plastic seats. I winced a bit. I was wearing shorts and the seat was a shock on my legs.

A few seconds later, a rather podgy, florid faced man came out.

‘Hello, nice to see you again and you must be Mark?’

I nodded shyly.

‘OK come in and let’s have a chat.’

We followed Mr Rogers into his office and after much scraping of chairs, sat down.

Mr Rogers shuffled some papers and then frowned.

‘Won’t be a moment.

‘MANDY,’ he shouted.

There was a faint scrape of a chair and then the door opened.

‘I wish you would use the phone Adrian… I mean Mr Rogers.’

‘Sorry, Mandy, forgot. Did you speak to Miss Phelps about young Mark here?’

‘Yes, she is going to ring me back in a few minutes.’

‘OK, let me know when you hear from her.’

‘Right.’

Mandy left, shutting the door quietly after her.

‘Now Mark,’ said Mr Rogers, smiling at me, ‘how are you?’

I was always a bit shy with people I didn’t know and I just whispered, ‘OK.’

‘I am so sorry about your parents. It must have been awful. We have been trying to contact your aunt with no luck, so far. That’s why you were placed with Sue and Phil here. Have they been looking after you alright?’

‘Yes, they have been very nice to me.’

‘That’s good. Unfortunately, they can only look after children for a short period as they are what we call our emergency foster parents. We now need to put you somewhere more permanent. We would normally place you with other foster parents but, unfortunately, there is no one available at the moment, so Mandy has contacted the Boys Care Home and will get a call back, hopefully in the next few minutes.’

I wriggled in my seat. I didn’t like the sound of that.

‘Don’t worry, it’s a nice place and it’s well run with friendly carers and a good bunch of kids.’

He turned to Sue and Phil.

‘It’s a pity that the Mixed Care Home was shut due to the cuts in funding. It’s put a big strain on resources. That’s the main reason why Mark here can’t go into a foster home. We had to use all available parents to fill the gap.’

Just then Mandy came in and went over to Mr Rogers. She whispered something in his ear. He frowned and said, ‘WHAT!’

She looked at me and then whispered something else that I couldn’t catch.

‘I’ll come out. Excuse me a minute.’

He left with Mandy and I could here a mumbled conversation outside.

Sue held my hand and looked encouragingly at me.

‘Don’t worry, Mark. I’m sure it’s just a glitch or something.’

The voices were being raised a bit and I could here Mr Rogers quite plainly now. He appeared to be speaking to someone on the phone.

‘Miss Phelps, you promised to keep a place open for Mark. You know what he’s been through. He needs a bit of stability in his life… I know… but….I…are you sure? Very well, goodbye.’

He slammed the phone down.

‘BUGGER!’

I went red and then suppressed a guilty laugh. Sue and Phil looked shocked at hearing a swear word in hearing distance of a child.

I looked at Phil who shrugged his shoulders, not knowing what to say.

Mr Rogers walked in and sat down, his complexion looked redder than before and he was sweating a bit.

‘We have hit a snag. You cannot go to the Boys Care Centre as there is now no room. They had to take a child back from a foster couple as one of the parents became ill. So that now leaves us with a major problem. You can’t go back with Sue and Phil as they have another child due to go back with them today. It means that we have to look at another alternative… MANDY!’ He shouted making me jump.

‘Mr Rogers, Please do not shout like that.’

‘Sorry, Mandy, could you take Mark down for a drink in the canteen while I sort things out?’

‘Certainly, but you had better say goodbye to Sue and Phil, Mark, as they have to go soon.’

I stood up and hugged my foster parents.

‘Thank you for looking after me.’

‘That’s OK, honey, I hope things work out for you,' said a tearful Sue.

‘Good luck, son,’ Said Phil, shaking my hand and then hugging me.

I left them with Mr Rogers I made my way to the basement with Mandy for a cuppa.

I decided on some coke while Mandy had a cup of tea and a cigarette.

‘Will they find somewhere for me?’

‘I’m sure that we will. It’s those cut backs though; we are finding it hard to place all the kids that need help. We may have to move you out of the area.’

‘PLEASE DON’T,’ I cried.

‘Why honey?’

‘It’s bad enough loosing my mum and dad, but at least I know this area and I go to school here.’

‘What school are you in?’

‘St Lukes Boys School.’

‘That’s the Church of England school off the High Street?’

‘That’s right.’

‘Have you many friends there?’

‘Not really, I’ve only just started there but it’s just that it’s familiar.’

‘Well, I can’t promise anything, but I’ll see what we can do for you.’

We stayed a few more minutes until we had finished our drinks and then we went back upstairs.

When we got back to the office, Mr Rogers was on the phone so I sat with Mandy as she got on with her typing.

‘MANDY!’

Mandy’s eyes rolled upwards and she said something under her breath as she got up and went into Mr Rogers’ office, shutting the door after her.

There was a mumbled conversation and then the voices rose a bit. I think that they were arguing about something and then there was silence.

Mandy head poked around the door.

‘Would you like to come in Mark?’

I went in and sat down in a chair. Mandy sat next to me and I looked over to Mr Rogers who was writing something down.

He sighed, put his pen down, looked up and smiled in a weary sort of way.

‘Well Mark, I have tried everything I could think of to get you placed in a suitable home, but I’m afraid that all enquires except one have failed to come up with a solution.’

‘Where will I go then?’ I said with visions of being put out on the street to fend for myself.

‘Erm, Mandy, can you explain?’

She looked daggers at him and then turned to me.

‘Well Mark, as Mr Rogers said, everywhere we tried could not help. We have no places at the Boys Care Centre and no foster parents are available to look after you. We can’t just pluck a couple out of the sky and parents have to be licensed before they are allowed to take children in. I would take you, but I’m not licensed, nor is Mr Rogers or his wife. So we have a big problem.’

‘What will happen to me?’

‘Well, we have a solution, far from perfect but doable. Apart form the boys home, we have a girls home too and Mr Rogers has spoken to the house matron there and they have agreed that you can go there until other arrangements can be made.’

I looked at her with relief and then it struck home.

‘A girl’s home, but that means that it’s full of girls?’

‘That’s right.’

‘But I’m a boy.’

‘Yes but, due to the circumstances, they are willing to take you in.’

‘OK.’ I said, not sure whether this was a good idea or not.

‘There is one slight problem.’

‘Yes?’

‘As it’s a girls home and the fact that there are children there who have come from broken homes and some being a bit fragile, we have to think of all the children and not just one.’

‘I’m sorry, I’m not sure…’

‘Well, the only stipulation that the matron has is that you dress and act as much like a girl as possible and not tell anyone that you are a boy.’

I looked at her with horror.

‘Dresses?’

She nodded.

‘Skirts?’

She nodded.

‘Blouses?’

‘Yes all of those things. You have to look and act like a girl. It’s going to be hard on you, but you are small for your age and your hair is long and you could pass for a girl if you wear the right clothes and if we do something with your hair. What do you think?’

I looked at Mr Rogers.

‘Is there nowhere else I can go?’

‘Sorry Mark. Believe me, I’ve tried. As soon as something comes up, we will transfer you.’

I looked down at my feet. I needed this as much as I needed a hole in my head, but it appeared that I had no choice.

‘OK.’ I said sadly, tears dripping from the end of my nose. ‘I’ll go if you want me to.’

‘Good boy. Now go with Mandy, she will take you to her home as she thinks that she may have some old clothes of her daughters that might fit you.’

A few minutes later, I left with Mandy and we were speeding along in her car.

I was quiet as I thought about the ramifications of what was about to happen and a bit of curiosity about how I would look as a girl. I wasn’t as upset as I thought that I would be, perhaps because I knew nothing about girls. I knew that they were different when they got older and had breasts and everything but kids of my age and younger looked fairly similar except the differences in clothes.

For some reason, I perked up a bit; perhaps it wouldn’t be too bad pretending to be a girl. I had lied to Mandy about St Lukes, I had been there a few weeks but I had been bullied about my size and the fact that I was one of the few boys still wearing shorts. I didn’t like St Lukes and I never wanted to go back. The reason why I wanted to stay in the area was that I wanted to be near my mum and dad and visit them at the cemetery. I thought that if I went away from the area, they wouldn’t be able to look over me and watch me as I grew up.

As we pulled up at Mandy’s house, I wondered how I would get along being a girl and whether I would give myself away as a boy when I moved into the Girls Care Home.

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To Be Continued…
 
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‘Look, Mark, don’t stop thinking about your mum and dad, they are right there in your head all the time. You need to have time to get over them not being with you anymore, but don’t ever forget the nice times. The pain will go, honey, I promise.’

Orphan
By
Susan Brown

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Chapter 2
 

Mandy lived in a semi on the nice side of the town and the garden looked pretty and well looked after.

As I walked up the path I remembered the garden at my house. I had helped my mum and dad in the garden, it was fun. I loved getting all mucky and everything. We had a nice house; it was detached and had a lovely back garden.

I sighed as I walked up the path.

Mandy had a key in her hand and she opened the front door with it.

I followed her in and found myself in the front hall. It was nice and bright and had flowery wallpaper and a red carpet on the floor.

‘Right, Mark lets go make a cup of tea and I’m dying for a ciggie.’

We went into the kitchen diner, it was smaller than I would have thought considering the size of the place, but it was neat and clean.

Mandy put the kettle on and motioned for me to sit on a chair by the kitchen table.

I sat down and watched her — more reminders of my mum in our kitchen and sighed.

‘What’s up, pickle?’

‘Sorry?’

‘You sighed. Is there something wrong?’

‘Just a bit sad about things.’

‘I know, honey, life’s dealt you a pretty raw deal. Never mind, things can only get better.’

‘I don’t see how dressing and living as a girl will make things any better.’

‘Here, there is nothing wrong with being a girl, you know!’

‘Sorry, it’s just all — you know.’

She lit up a cigarette and my nose wrinkled at the smell.

‘Sorry, honey, it’s my only vice.’

‘What’s a vice.’

‘Something you shouldn’t be doing.’

‘Like what?’

‘Do you always ask so many questions?’

‘Yes, Mum says…’

I stopped, tears starting in my eyes, Mum didn’t say anything anymore.

‘Look, Mark, don’t stop thinking about your mum and dad, they are right there in your head all the time. You need to have time to get over them not being with you anymore, but don’t ever forget the nice times. The pain will go, honey, I promise.’

She came over and gave me a hug.

‘Mandy.’

‘Yes sweetheart.’

‘What am I called?’

‘Sorry?’

‘What girls name do I have?’

‘Oh yes, sorry about that. I hope you don’t mind and it is only til we find a permanent place for you, but I told, Miss Ormrod, the house matron that your name is Stephanie.’

‘Why Stephanie?’

‘It’s my nieces’ name, I always liked it.’

‘Yes it’s OK, I guess.’

‘Don’t you like it?’

‘I prefer Mark.’

‘I know honey but it’s only for a while. Now lets have that tea, it should be drawn by now.’

She stubbed out her smelly cigarette in a well used ash tray and made us some tea.

‘There you are, get this down you,’

I sipped the hot brew as Mandy told me what we were going to do.

‘Now, this is the plan. In a minute, I will go up to the loft and get down a couple of cases. It has some of my daughters’ old clothes in them. Then we will try them on you and see if we can get away without buying much. If we need anything else, we’ll pop to the shops and get the necessary. OK?’

I nodded, still not sure that this was a good idea.

Mandy finished her drink and went upstairs. There was a lot of banging and bashing and a couple of muffled words that sounded a bit naughty and then I heard a shout.

‘Mark, come up here please.’

I went upstairs and through an open door I could see Mandy. It looked like she was in her bedroom.

‘Come in.’

I went in and saw on the bed, a whole pile of clothes, girls’ clothes.

‘Right, I know that you are probably a bit shy about your body, most kids especially boys are, but I’ve seen it all so take all your clothes off please then we can try some things on you.’

I reluctantly got undressed.

‘And your Y fronts, you can’t wear them with these clothes.’

I could feel my face go red as I took my pants off.

‘That’s better. Now, luckily, I have some unused panties that I bought for Sandra, my daughter, they were too small and I didn’t bother taking them back. What colour would you like?’

‘I looked at the colours on offer; there was a choice of white, pink and yellow. I chose the white ones.

‘OK slip them on.’

I pulled the nylon panties up my legs. Funny, they felt quite nice and smooth.

That’s good, you are so small, and you don’t really show.’

‘Show what?’

‘Your twinkle.’

‘Twinkle?’

‘Penis, dear.’

I looked down and could see that the slightly stretchy material was holding my boy bits in. I went beetroot again.

‘Oh.’

‘Now, I think that you should go for a dress. We don’t want anyone thinking you are a boy, do we?’

I looked at the two dresses she was holding up. One was white with thin pink stripes going down and the other one was lemon with tiny pink flowers, they looked a bit old fashioned to me, but hey, what do I know?

Somehow, I was drawn to the one with flowers and I pointed to it.

‘Good choice, now it’s a bit thin so we need to wear a slip, that means you wont need a vest, you are too young for a bra, thank goodness, Here slip this over your head.’

I held my arms up and slid a white thing over my head. It was a similar material to the panties, nylon I think and like the panties, it felt nice and slippery.

‘Is that why they call it a slip?’

‘What?’

‘Cos it’s slippery?’

She laughed, ‘I hadn’t thought of that, it’s so your dress doesn’t cling to you and also it helps stop it being see through.’

I scratched my head, this was getting a bit difficult; it was like a whole new language.

‘Right, arms up again.’

I put my arms up and Mandy helped me put on the dress.

‘Right, turn around and I will do up the zip.

There was a zippy sort of sound and then it was over, I was locked in a dress!

‘Sit on the bed, love.’

I started to sit down.

‘Stop!’

‘What I do wrong?’ I said a bit flummoxed.

‘What did I do wrong , you mean. When girls sit down, you smooth the back of the dress with your hand so you don’t get it wrinkled.’

‘Like this?’ I said as I put my hand under my bottom and moved the fabric forward.

‘Got it in one, well done Stephanie!’

‘I’m Mark.’

‘I know honey, but dressed like that you don’t much look like a Mark and we need you to get used to the name.’

‘OK,’ I said hesitantly, with some reservation and not a little fear.

‘Here are some white ankle socks, and a pair of shoes, lets hope they fit.’

I put on the white socks first and then tried the shoes. They were black and shiny and had a very small heal. A thin strap with a buckle held them on my feet. They fitted, but were a tiny bit loose.

‘Try tightening the strap.’

I did as I was told and then walked around a bit.

‘They fit OK, I think.’

‘Good. Now sit on the stool.’

I sat down at the dressing table. There was no mirror so I couldn’t see much of what I looked like.

Mandy picked up a brush and started doing things with my hair. She tugged, pulled and teased it this way and that.

‘Lucky you have fairly long hair. When did you last wash it?’

‘Last week.’

‘We haven’t got time now, but wash it as soon as you can and use conditioner.’

She continued to mess with my hair until she was satisfied with the result.

‘That will have to do. You will get some help from the Sally Mason when you get to the home. She has kindly agreed to help you fit in and help you along until we move you.’

‘Is she the matron?’

‘No, she is one of the supervisors; she’s nice you will like her. Now, do you want to see what you look like?’

‘I suppose.’

‘Well, don’t be too enthusiastic. Come over to the wardrobe.’

I got up and walked over. The dress and slip felt funny on my legs. Not funny ha ha, but funny peculiar.

She opened the wardrobe door and there I was… Only it wasn’t me, or was it? The reflection of the pretty girl looked a bit like me and when I felt my hair, the hand moved at the same time as mine. My mouth was open — it was me!

‘Cat got your tongue?’

‘I…I’m pretty.’

‘Yes you are, honey. There is no way, looking like that you can ever be considered a boy.’

‘But it’s only clothes and different hair style; why do I look so, um like a girl?’

‘Because you are young, thin, have a nice face and not many manly muscles yet and you have delicate features. I noticed that as soon as I saw you. That was why we felt that you could get away with this. Don’t get me wrong, but we thought that you could easily be taken as a girl, if you wear the right clothes. As you can see, it worked.’

I looked at myself again as Mandy started to load the suitcase with the clothes that I was to take with me.

‘Stephanie, Stephanie pay attention dear and stop ogling at yourself in the mirror. Come over here.’

I reluctantly left the mirror and walked over to the bed.

‘Now, the matron or more probably Sally will help you unpack at the home. There is quite a selection of clothes and a number of pairs of shoes in the cases. If you need any more, they will take care of it. Now is your old case still in the boot of my car?’

‘Yes, I think so.’

‘Right, when we go downstairs, we will bring your case in here and take out your flannel, toothbrush and any other things that you can take with you. The rest we will leave here, is that all right?’

‘OK, if you think that’s best.’

‘Yes, we don’t want your boy clothes to be seen by anyone at the home. Right, let’s get going.’

Mandy carried the cases downstairs and I followed her out to the Vauxhall Viva. She opened the boot, opened my case, took out my toilet bag and was just about to close it when I remembered.

‘Stop!’

‘What, love?’

‘Can I take my book?’

‘Of course you get it while I sort your other cases out.’

I rummaged around and took out my ‘Biggles Sorts it Out’ paperback and my small teddy and then shut the case up.

Mandy glanced over.

‘Biggles? It’s a bit boyish, but I liked them when I was a girl and your teddy looks nice. I’m sure we can get away with those without any questions being asked. Right, hop into the car, I won’t be a mo.’

She took out my old case from the boot and shut it down. I was carrying my book and teddy and I got into the car, remembering to do that thingy with my dress as I sat down.

‘My dress, that sounds funny,’ I thought. ‘Will I get away with this?’

I looked in the passenger mirror all I could see was a girl’s face staring at me. ‘It must be the hair,’ I thought as I looked at the way it now framed my face, ‘Somehow, I had a fringe now, I didn’t have one before. That hair brush must be magical or something!’

Mandy got back into the car, she had another cigarette in her mouth and I wrinkled my nose again!

‘What? Look, Stephanie, it won’t do you any harm. I’ll open a window a bit, OK?’

I nodded, smiling slightly. I then looked down at my legs and feet. The dress went down just below my knees and the slip was just showing below the hem. The white ankle socks and shiny shoes, contrasted with the pink of my legs.

I put my hands on my lap, feeling the soft cotton material through my fingers. I had my book on my lap and cradled in the crook of my arm was teddy. I hadn’t done that for a few years now, I was getting a bit old for teddies, but I was insecure and concerned about what was going to happen.

Would I get away with pretending to be a girl in front of lots of real ones?

I watched the world go by as the car went to the home. I saw some children playing football up against the side of the house. They looked happy and I was jealous of that. Why couldn’t I be like them and have normal life?

I must have closed my eyes for a while as they opened with a snap as we ground to a halt with screeching brakes.

‘We’re here.’

I rubbed my eyes and looked out of the window. There was a large house with lots of windows. On the front of the house, the sign said, ‘Lavenham Girls Care Home’

As I got out of the car, my heart was thumping and I was trembling at the thought of what was going to happen to me and if I would be found out.

To be continued…

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I stood there looking around me. In the distance I could here the shouting of children, girls I presumed as this was a girl’s home after all.

Suddenly, a tennis ball flew through the air and hit me on the side of the head.

‘Ow!’ I said.

Orphan
By
Susan Brown

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Chapter 3
 

I looked up at the sign ‘Lavenham Girls Care Home’ and shuddered slightly.

The cool breeze was lifting up the hem of my dress a bit and what with trying to hold my Biggles book in one hand and my teddy in the other, I was having a hard time of it. I transferred Teddy to my other arm and manfully or should I say girlfully tried to hold my hem down as we walked up the steps.

I felt so strange; my hair was getting in my eyes and I didn’t have a free hand to move it out of the way.

Anyway, eventually we reached the swing doors and Mandy, who was carrying a suitcase, pushed the door open; it squeaked a bit and needed oiling.

In front of me was a hallway. The lino on the floor was dark green and had black scuff marks on it and the walls were a slightly lighter shade of the same colour. The place looked clean but a bit like a hospital. Mandy walked over to the side. There was a door marked office and she knocked and walked in, not before telling me to stay where I was.

I stood there looking around me. In the distance I could here the shouting of children, girls I presumed as this was a girl’s home after all.

Suddenly, a tennis ball flew through the air and hit me on the side of the head.

‘Ow!’ I said.

There was rushing of feet coming down some stairs that I hadn’t noticed, and a young girl about my age dashed over and skidded to a halt in front of me.

She was thin, pretty with a short black skirt and a white blouse on. She had long mousy brown hair and tons of freckles. She had a pleasant smile, was a bit sweaty and was breathing rather heavily.

‘Hello. Did I hit you? Sorry about that, Penny’s back swing is useless but I missed it anyway. Are you new?’

‘Erm…yes.’

‘What’s your name?’

‘M…Stephanie.’

‘Not sure who you are then?’

‘Pardon?’

‘You know Mmmmmm…Stephanie.’

I laughed at her attempts at copying the way I spoke.

‘Sorry, I’m a bit stupid at the moment.’

‘I know, it’s a bit strange at first coming to a prison like this. Nice teddy, by the way, not a patch on my doll, though…Do you know, they only feed us bread and water, send us to bed at eight and make sure we get up before dawn to scrub the place out and then, to cap it all, the whip…’

‘Tracy Anne Stewart, what are you saying to this poor girl?’

Both our heads snapped around as we saw an elderly lady, at least 40 walk up to us and put her hands on her hips.

‘Oh, erm, hello Matron, just saying how wonderful it is here.’

‘Scoot.’

‘Pardon me?’

‘Vamoose, go, leave, depart, push off…’

‘OK; see you later M…Stephanie.’

She gave a cheeky grin and rushed up the stairs and out of site.

Matron looked at me a slight smile playing on her lips.

‘Take no notice of what Tracy says, she likes winding people up. Now I take it that you are Stephanie then?’

‘Yes Miss.’

‘I’m Mrs, actually, Mrs Grant but you can call me Matron. Now, where is Mandy?’

‘She went in there,’ I said pointing at the door.

‘Right, lets get you sorted out, come with me.’

She held my hand and walked me over to the door.

As we went, I looked up and I could see a dozen faces staring at me through banisters from the floor above. Tracy was there and waving at me and on an impulse, I waved back.

Before I could think about that, I found myself in an office.

Mandy, cigarette in her mouth was talking animatedly to a woman sitting at a desk.

They both looked up as we entered.

‘Hello Matron.’ said Mandy.

‘Nice to see you again Mandy; would you like to come into my office?’

Matron was still holding my hand and it was quite nice and reassuring.

We walked into her office and Matron motioned Mandy and me to sit on a chair as she shut the door and sat behind a large desk. I hugged my teddy as I think he was a bit scared. I know, I’m a bit old for this but I don’t care as teddies have feelings too.

Mandy sat next to me and we both waited for what Matron was going to say.

She looked at some papers, coughed then frowned and then looked straight at me.

‘Stephanie, I believe that you should know all that is going to happen to you; it’s your life after all. Well Mandy, you only gave me the briefest of details on the phone. Tell me all about what has happened.’

I just sat there mute as Mandy told Matron what had occurred to me. I got quite upset when the accident to my parents was explained and then the fact that there was no place for me at the boys’ home. I felt a bit unwanted and very insecure.

‘Stephanie!’

I looked up and could see that Matron was looking at me with an enquiring look on her face.

‘Sorry, did you say something.’

‘Yes, dear; how do you feel about pretending to be a girl?’

‘I… I don’t know. It’s all strange to me. Lots of nasty things have happened and I just want everything to get better…I want my mum and dad back.’

I put my head in my hands and started sobbing.

I could feel some soft arms hugging me and comforting me. I just cried all the harder.

I was dimly aware of a door opening and then closing but I was too wrapped up in my grief to care.

Finally, after quite a while I looked up and through misty tears could see the matron looking at me with a concerned face.

‘Feeling any better?’

‘A bit - sorry.’

‘What for?’

‘Crying.’

‘We all need a good cry sometimes and you have been through a lot. Now blow you nose with this hanky and wipe your eyes. Look your teddy fell on the ground, here you are. Mandy has gone to get us all a cup of tea and she’ll be back in a minute.’

She left me cuddling teddy, feeling a bit stupid perhaps as I’m quite old now and shouldn’t need to have a cuddly toy and sat behind her desk again.

‘Are you OK to talk now?’

‘Yes,’ I sniffed.

‘Good. Well as you know it’s a bit unusual, what we are doing here, but it was felt by all concerned that you would feel better with children of you own age around you. Though we didn’t expect those children to be girls, but we have no choice and we have to do what we can. Now I did ask you about how you felt about pretending to be a girl. Do you feel up to telling me?’

I looked at her and then down at my dress. It did feel strange wearing these clothes but it was also a bit funny how quickly I had gotten used to it.

‘I don’t know how good I can pretend, but I’m willing to have a go.’

‘That’s all I ask. If you get too uncomfortable or you get found out, we will have to do something else even if it means moving you to another area…’

‘Please, I don’t want to go away!’

‘Why, dear?’

‘Cos I want to me near to my mum and dad.’

I could see her eyes get a bit wet.

‘We’ll see how you get on. Now… oh hello Mandy, thanks for getting the tea.’

As I drunk the hot sweet drink, Matron explained how thing were going to work.

‘As far as all the girls and staff here are concerned, you are a girl. The only other member of staff who knows about you and will help you to cope is Sally Mason; she has the day off but will see you tomorrow. In a minute, I will show you up to the dormitory .You are in the same one as that little monkey Tracy. She is a bit wild but has a heart of gold.’

‘What about changing?’

‘Changing?’

‘Well won’t the girls notice my boy bits when I change my clothes?’

‘That’s OK, this place used to be a hospital and your dorm is in one of the old wards. Every bed has a curtain that can be pulled around for privacy. We encourage this because the girls need their own personal space. Most of them pull the curtains around when they are changing. Also, we have some separate wash cubicles in the bathroom so there is no need to be shy there. Indeed, this is the reason why I agreed to you coming; both you and the other girls need not feel awkward about things. Are you happy with that?’

I nodded. Perhaps things wouldn’t be too bad after all. Deep down under all the unhappiness, I remembered when I smiled and laughed a lot. OK, I was sometimes bullied at school, but I was a bit of a joker and I could normally get the bullies laughing before they hit me. I remember at my last school, I was late for class and I rushed through the open door, not noticing the step. I fell in and went head over heals landing up in front of the teacher.

‘What’s all this?’ he said.

I answered the first thing that came into my mind.

‘Hello, sir, just dropped in for a bit.’

Everyone laughed and that was how things were for me until the accident, a joker, accepted and not bullied too often. Perhaps I could just deal with my situation like some sort of great leg pull?

In no time I was saying goodbye to Mandy. I gave her a hug and thanked her for looking after me.

‘No problem, Stephanie. I’ll probably be seeing you from time to time and when we can transfer you to somewhere better, I’ll let you know.’

With that, she left me to the tender mercies of the Lavenham Girls Care Home and all that lived there.

Before I knew it, I was being led upstairs by the matron. I could hear in the distance the sounds of laughing girls. As we drew closer to the noise, I started getting more and more worried as to whether I could pull this off.

At the top of the stairs, I could see at the end of the corridor; some girls were playing tennis or something, They all had racquets and the ball was flying here, there and everywhere. How lights and windows were not damaged, I couldn’t tell. All I could see was girls laughing, shouting, hitting tennis balls and generally having a good time.

Just then, there was a piercing whistle and everyone stood still, just like statues. A ball rolled toward me and stopped in front of where I was standing. You could here a pin drop…it was weird.

I looked at matron with her whistle still in her mouth and then as she took it out she said in a stern voice, ‘What is going on here?’

To be continued...

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Please leave a comment... Ta very muchly

Orphan is very much in a free-form style and is quite spontaneous as I just write it and without much in the way of change, publish it. So if it appears a bit rough in places, sorry.

‘You know the rules, no ball games inside. It’s a nice day out there so go in the garden and woe betide anyone who breaks a window now go, not you Tracy, I want a word.’

Orphan
By
Susan Brown

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Chapter 4
 

There wasn’t a sound.

‘Penny, I see you have a smirk on your face, so you can answer me.’

I looked at the girl who had pink t shirt and matching shorts on. They didn’t go with her flaming red hair and freckles, but what did I know?

‘Sorry Miss.’

‘For what?’

‘Playing tennis but I was Virginia Wade and Trish was Billy Jean King and I was beating the pants off her and…’

‘No you wasn’t, I had just sliced one past you…’

‘QUIET!’

Both girls became statues again. I looked at Tracy and she had a slight grin on her face and I was finding it hard not to laugh.

‘You know the rules, no ball games inside. It’s a nice day out there so go in the garden and woe betide anyone who breaks a window now go, not you Tracy, I want a word.’

All the statues unfroze and went dashing off, laughing and shouting leaving just Matron, Tracy and me.

‘Now Tracy you have already met Ma…Stephanie and I want you to look after her and show her the ropes. If I hear that you have led her astray, I will be cross and you can forget sweets for a fortnight, OK?’

‘Yes Matron, I’ll be as good as gold and be a credit to you.’

‘Why do I think that I’ve just made a mistake?’ she sighed and then looked at me.

‘OK Stephanie; Tracy will show you around and tell you about rules and things. If you have any worries, come see me.’

‘Yes; thank you Matron.’

She sighed again and then smiled. ‘I wish all the girls were so polite. Remember Tracy, trouble equals no sweets.’

‘Yes Matron; come on Steph, lets show you around.’

With that, she grabbed me and hauled me up another flight of steps.

As we went, Tracy started talking nineteen to the dozen.

‘Well Steph, take no notice of Matron, her bark is worse than her bite. I’ll show you what’s what. Fist the dormitory; come on it’s in here.’

She dragged me by the hand and we went through some swing doors into a large room.

‘It’s not much but its home.’

It was a large room and it was obvious that it used to be a hospital ward. There were several rows of beds each side and each bed had curtains that could be pulled across for privacy. The walls were pale green and the highly polished skid marked lino was a slightly dark shade of the same colour.

‘Watch this.’ Said Tracy as she sat on a bed and took her shoes off just leaving her white socks on.

She stood up and started running. She stopped suddenly and her momentum carried her several feet further, sliding in her socks like some sort of ice skater.

‘Bet you can’t beat that!’

For a moment, I forgot all about what I was wearing and in moments I had my shoes off and copied what Tracy did only not getting so far and falling flat on my face in the process.

We both started giggling as I got up and brushed myself down, realising that girls can have as much fun as boys.

After things calmed down a bit, Tracy showed me where my bed was.

‘You are here.’

It was a corner bed and I went over and sat on it while Tracy sat on another one.

‘So, what are you in for?’

‘Pardon?’

‘Why are you here, Mum and Dad had a row?’

‘Erm, they died in a car crash.’

‘Blimey, that’s rough, no other rellies?’

‘Rellies…oh you mean relatives, I have an aunt but they can’t find her.’

She looked at me with pity on her face and then looked down and frowned.

‘Don’t you think you should close your legs; I can see your knickers.’

My legs slapped shut like a clam and I could feel myself go red.

‘Sorry, not used to dresses yet.’

I could have died here and then for saying something that stupid. Five minutes here and I had already given myself away!

Tracy looked at me strangely and then her face cleared.

‘I know, I used to be a tomboy…hated dresses, sugar and spice and all that stuff. I’m OK with skirts and dresses now. Mind you, with your shortlist hair you could almost be mistaken for a boy and what with that teddy in your hand, you have to watch yourself. You don’t want a rep for being too boyish.’

I looked down and realised that I still had teddy in my hand and felt myself getting an even deeper shade of red in the face.

I put teddy down on the bed, sitting him up so he was comfy.

Changing the subject, I asked if everyone was nice in the ward?

‘We don’t call it a ward it; it’s a dormitory. Yea, not a bad bunch of kids, though we steer clear of Rachel at the moment as she’s in coventry.’

‘Is she visiting someone?’

‘No, silly, coventry, you know, we aren’t speaking to her.’

‘Why not?’

‘She told fibs about Diane to Miss Cathcart.’

I didn’t know what she was talking about so dropped the subject.

‘Oh and steer clear of Dorothy as she can be a bit of a cow sometimes, other than that, most are OK.’

‘So you like this place then?’

‘It’s OK - food stinks cos I don’t like greens and the mash has lumps and we try not to talk about the tapioca pudding, but the warders, I mean carers are not bad and at least they let us have bit of fun sometimes.’

‘Why are you here if you don’t mind me asking?’

‘I am what they call a bit of a handful. I’ve been through six foster carers and no one wants me.’

‘How did you come to be here in the first place if you don’t mind me asking?’

‘Parents spilt up when I was six. Never seen them since.’

‘Don’t you mind?’

‘Nah.’

I could see from her face that she did mind but didn’t say anything.

There was the sound of running feet from outside and suddenly the doors swung open and several of the kids came rushing in.

The noise was deafening and before I knew it I was surrounded by girls asking all sorts of questions that I wasn’t given the chance to answer.

‘What’s your name?’

‘Where are you from?’

‘Do you like Cilla? What about the Beatles? I think the Beach Boys are dishy, but Paul I could die for!’

‘Why are you here?’

‘SHUT UP!’ Shouted Tracy, ‘can’t you see the poor kid is frightened. We’ll talk tonight when the lights go out. Now I have to her show around.’

Tracy grabbed my arm and in no time I was out in the pale green corridors being shown where the kitchen, living room, bathrooms and other places were. The place was huge and a lot of the rooms were unused but it was clean and quite well looked after.

‘It’s great here, cos we can sort of disappear and the warders, sorry they don’t like being called that; I mean the carers have a job finding us. They’ve started locking some of the doors but as they can’t find keys to all of them, there’s still plenty of places to hide.’

‘How many carers work here?’

‘Don’t know, about twelve I suppose, never counted them. There’s the day shift and the night shift. Matron lives here all the time, so do a couple of the others. But the rest live away and come in when they are needed.’

We went out into the large garden. There were plenty of trees and thick bushes about and Tracy led me over to a particularly thick clump and went around the back.

She looked around and then disappeared into the bushes, coming back with a smallish wooden box. Opening it up, I could see that there was a packet of cigarettes and some matches in there.

She pulled out the packet and offered me a cigarette. I shook my head and she shrugged, putting one in her mouth and lighting it with a match.

She sucked in strongly, turned a sort of a green colour, spat it out and was immediately sick on the floor, missing her top and my dress by inches.

‘Are you alright?’ I asked anxiously.

‘Mmm.’ she said panting and retching alternatively.

‘Are you sure, shall I fetch Matron?’

She looked at me as if I was mad and shook her head emphatically.

‘No, that’s alright,’ she gasped after a few minutes, when she had got her breath back and didn’t look quite as green.

‘Does it always make you sick?’

‘Erm… That was the first time I’ve tried them.’

I was going to ask where she had got them but didn’t for some reason.

‘Feeling better?’

‘Yes, I think that I’ll not try that again for a while. Let’s go in. I need a drink of coke or something, but no telling!’

‘I won’t say anything.’

‘Good.’

She hid the box in the bushes again and then went to the kitchen and grabbed a couple of cans of coke.

Going back outside, we sat on the grass and sipped our drinks.

Tracy was looking at me.

‘You won’t have any problems.’ She said.’

‘What?’

‘I said you won’t have any problems.’

‘With what?’

‘Getting adopted.’

‘Why?’

‘Well, you’re pretty and those big doe looking eyes will have parents drooling all over themselves to have you.’

‘I’m not pretty I’m a b…’

‘A what?’

‘Um…I mean I’m not that nice.’

‘Yes you are. You’re a girlie, girl; parents like that. I’m too much trouble for them.’

It shook me a bit to hear that. Me a girlie girl, does she need glasses?

‘Hasn’t anyone wanted to adopt you?’

‘I nearly was once, but I had a fight with another of their children and that was that.’

Before I could say anything else, I could hear a bell ringing in the distance.

‘Tea time. Lets be quick or all the iced buns will be gone.’

‘How she could think of buns after being sick like that I didn’t know, but I followed her quickly retreating form and wondered how I was going to fit in and whether my secret would come out.

To be continued…

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Please leave comments or I’ll send Tracy around to do some mischief…

As we passed the other tables, I was very aware of the stares I was getting. Did everyone know I was a boy? Would they lynch me if they found out?

Orphan
By
Susan Brown

---

 
Chapter 5
 

So we walked into the dining room.

As usual, sickly green walls and slightly sicker dark green floors confronted me.

There were about a dozen tables dotted about, formica I think but I couldn’t really tell as they were all covered in red plastic check table cloths.

Tracy grabbed my arm and led me over to a table in the corner.

As we passed the other tables, I was very aware of the stares I was getting. Did everyone know I was a boy? Would they lynch me if they found out?

I tried to ignore the looks and just followed Tracy. I was getting very bad feelings about this girl thing. How could I get away with it?

‘Here she is kid’s, Stephanie is her name but that’s a mouthful so I call her Steph.’

The four girls looked me up and down. I felt like a piece of meat and very much antagonised. I went beat red and it was noticed.

‘Oh my god, she’s blushing!’ said one coloured girl.

‘Belt up Tina, we’re not all like you.’

‘And what does that mean, Sandra, dear?’

‘Don’t Sandra dear me you….’

‘Oy!’ Said Tracy holding up her hand. ‘Button it you two. Steph, you now know these two, the others are Pauline and Sharon. Come on let’s go and get some grub.’

I sort of waved my hand in the general direction of the girls and followed Tracy over to the counter. We picked up a tray each and the lady behind the counter mumbled something at Tracy.

‘Egg and chips please Marg and don’t spare the chips.’

I was fascinated by the different colours of the stains on her nylon overall and hair cap. How she got stains there, God only knew.

Two half congealed eggs and a pile of chips were plonked on a plate and handed to Tracy who moved on a grabbed a bottle of Coke.

‘Yes love?’ said the dinner lady.

I dragged my eyes away from her hat and I looked at the fried food swimming in fat and didn’t feel very hungry, but the sausages didn’t look too burned and the chips looked fairly fresh so that was what I had.

‘Thank you, I said.

‘That’s all right love.’

I picked up a bottle of Fanta and went back to the table.

Tracy had already sat down and was having an animated discussion with the other girls.

I put the tray down in the only space left and sat down, forgetting that I was wearing a skirt. I yelped as my legs hit the cold seat.

Everyone looked at me strangely as I semi stood up and adjusted my dress.

‘This is getting stupid,’ I thought, ‘I can’t even sit down without making a spectacle of myself!’

Tracy looked at me and then the others and said, ‘She’s not used to dresses.’

‘What?’ said Pauline.

‘She’s a bit of a tomboy, like I was last year.’

‘Yea,’ said Tina, ‘I only want to wear dresses now cos I want boys to like me more.’

There was a general discussion about boys and what they liked and I was surprised because none of them looked anything like old enough to be interested in them.

Someone asked me a question. I looked up from the sausage I was trying to eat and saw that it was Sharon, a pretty girl with long blond hair done up in a pony tail.

‘Pardon?’

I said, what sort of boys do you like?’

‘I don’t like boys!’

They all laughed.

‘You can’t mean that,’ said Tina.

‘I’m only eleven,’

‘So, I’m eleven and I like boys.’

‘I- just -don’t.’

‘Stop having a go at her,’ said Tracy, coming to my defence, ‘Not all of us are sex maniacs. She’s probably a late developer.’

With that they went on to other topics. I admit to not understanding half of what they were saying. It was like a different language. I never knew that being a girl would be so difficult.

After what seemed like an hour, tea was finished and we all went up to the dormitory. We sat on our beds and watched the TV for about two hours and then a woman came in and told us to get ready for bed.

This was what I was dreading but I picked up my toilet bag, towel and the flannelette nightdress from my case and followed everyone to the bathroom.

Luckily, there were individual washing areas with doors and I took little time in closing the door to my one behind me and sitting down to change.

I took my dress and other clothes off, leaving the panties on as they helped to hold in my boy bits.

I washed my face, listening to the shouting and laughing around me as the other girls talked to each other through the partitions. They all seemed so happy and full of themselves. I thought that places like this were full of sad children, trying to get over not having parents, but judging by what I was hearing, I was the only one having problems.

After washing and cleaning my teeth, I looked at the nightdress with a distinct feeling of nausea and put the green thing over my head. The only good thing about the colour was that I would blend in with the walls.

I heard the banging of doors and receding voices as everyone finished what they were doing and went back to the dormitory.

As I walked in, the talking gradually stopped. They were looking at me rather strangely.

I went over to the bed and sat down.

‘What are you wearing?’ said one of the girls.

I looked up and saw that it was Sharon.

‘What’s wrong?’ I asked; a slight quiver in my voice.

‘Did you get that nightie from your Mum?’

I looked down, it seemed OK to me, but what did I know. Just then it hit me what she said about my Mum and I started leaking tears. I put my head in my hands and the floodgates opened. I didn’t want to be here. I was a boy why did they put me with these girls; why can’t I be in a boy’s home; why did my Mum and Dad die?’

I heard some talking and a bit of shouting and then I was surrounded by people trying to hug me.

I opened my eyes and right in front of me was Sharon, tears in her eyes. The others were all hugging me and I must admit, it helped.

‘I’m so sorry, Steph, I didn’t know, I was only playing with you. My stupid mouth!’

I reached out and held Sharon’s hand and she smiled.

After that, things calmed down a bit and everyone went back to their beds.

‘Still,’ said Sharon to me before she went, ‘that nightie is a bit old for you. Look at everyone else.’

I looked around and most were wearing silky pyjamas or nighties or they wore nylon baby dolls all floatie looking.

‘They are nice,’ I said tentatively, trying to answer as a girl would.

‘Tell you what, I have loads, you can borrow one of mine until you can wheedle some more clothes out of Matron.’

‘No that’s all right…’ I tried to say but she would not hear of it and she rushed over to her cabinet and pulled something out.

Coming back, I saw that she had in her hand wht looked dangerously like a pink nylon baby doll.

She handed it to me and said, ‘try this, oh they come with panties, hang on.’

I looked around, red in the face again, but the other girls were either talking to each other or reading magazines.

‘Here you are,’ said Sharon handing me the wispy piece of nylon. ‘If you are shy, pull the curtains around.’

She went over to talk to Tracy and left me to it.

I had no choice, so I pulled the curtains around the bed, took off the green nightie and replaced it with the one Sharon had given to me. I then took off my panties and replaced them with the matching slippery baby doll ones.

The material of the nightie was very light; it had two layers, the inner one was silky and smooth but the outer layer was of like a fine net. It went down to just above my knees. I must admit that I thought that it felt very nice, but there again, I’m a boy and things like this shouldn’t be nice!

I pulled the curtains back and then jumped into bed, nearly crushing Teddy as I did so. After picking him up and saying sorry, I looked around me. Nearly everyone was in bed now and Sharon was looking at me and put her thumb up. I did the same and smiled.

Just then the door opened again and another girl walked in. She was ginger haired, what my Mum used to call a carrot top.

All talk stopped as if a switch was turned off.

The girl glanced nervously around and then went to the bed next to mine. She pulled the curtains around her bed and she was lost from my view.

I looked over at Tracy and she mouthed the word ‘Rachel’.

I nodded and understood. This was the girl that was sent to Coventry and no one was allowed to speak with her.

I felt sorry for her; she looked frightened and very sad.

The door opened again and one of the carers came in.

‘OK girls, lights out now. No talking and that means you Tracy.’

‘Who me?’

‘Yes you!

The lady saw me, smiled and winked. I think that she was nice!

‘Goodnight girls, sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite.’

She turned out the lights and the room was plunged into darkness.

There was complete silence for a few minutes and then someone giggled, followed by ‘shh’, coming from several beds.

There was another giggle and then some whispering.

I could see a bit now as my eyes grew accustomed to the darkness.

A bedside light was switched on; it was, of course, Tracy’s.

She got up and padded over to the door in her silky pyjamas and put her head around the door.

‘All clear.’

This was the signal for everyone to get up and come over to my bed.

I was a bit alarmed at this but I could see the friendly faces around me as they plonked themselves on my bed.

‘You do look nicer in that nightie,’ said Sharon.

‘Thanks for lending it to me.’

‘That’s all right. Sorry that I made you cry.’

‘We need to know a bit about you,’ said Tina, ‘just in case we say something stupid and get you upset again.’

I looked at them. What could I tell them? ‘Oh, I’m a boy and because of the stupid council, I’m pretending to be a girl. Want to see my boy bits?’

No. I had to tell them about me without saying anything like that.

Without thinking I picked up Teddy for moral support and told them a shortened version about me.

‘I’m eleven and my Mum and Dad had a car accident. I only have one relative alive and that’s my Auntie Christine. The council are trying to find her, but she’s moved. That’s why I’m here.’

‘Oh you poor thing,’ said Dianne, ‘My parents are divorced but it must be a pig to loose your mum and dad like that.’

I was getting a bit weepy again and someone gave me a hanky to blow my nose.

‘It’s OK here,’ said Tina, ‘Matron is a softy, though she pretends to be tough and the rest of the staff are OK except Miss Cathcart, she stinks.’

They all nodded.

‘You don’t want to get on her wrong side,’ said Tracy, ‘she still doesn’t like me cos I glued up her glasses case and she couldn’t see for two days.’

Everyone giggled at that.

Luckily, the talk went away from me and to other things like, boys, clothes, boys, food, pop groups, shoes, boys and oh yes, boys.

People started yawning a bit and once one started, it set us all off. People gradually got up and went to bed. Tracy was the last one to leave and she gave me a peck on the cheek went over to her bed and then turned her bedside light off.

As I slipped down the bed, Teddy cradled in my arm, cos he’s frightened of the dark, I looked back on the strange day and wondered what else was going to happen to me. I then remembered and sat up. It was very quiet and I could hear the sound of breathing around me. I think everyone was asleep, so I slipped out of bed and knelt down, shivering in my thin nightie.

I promised my Mum and Dad that I would say my prayers before I slept, not because I was especially devout or whatever the word was, but to give thanks for what I had.
I asked Him to look after my mum and dad and help me get through my problems, I hope He heard but I’m not sure, what with him being busy with Biafra and everything.

After finishing with a silent amen, I got back into bed and snuggled down, trying to get some warmth back into me.

I shut my eyes and was just about to go back to sleep when I heard something.

I sat up and tried to listen. It was the sound the quiet crying coming from the next bed — Rachel’s. I was about to get up and then remembered, she was in Coventry. I listened for a few minutes as the sobbing gradually stopped and then decided that somehow I was going to speak to her tomorrow even though it might get me into trouble with the others. Perhaps I could do something.

I lay down again and soon I was asleep.

To be continued…

 

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Sorry if I have any spelling or grammar boo boos - I have done this in free-form and I know that I'm far from perfect.

Orphan 6

By
Susan Brown
I awoke up with a start.
A bell was ringing loudly in my ear.
‘Wake up girls. Rise and shine, breakfast in half an hour.’

Memories came flooding back. I was in a girl’s orphanage, home or whatever and I was supposed to be, pretending to be a girl and to my disgust, the flimsy nightie had ridden up around my neck in the night. I had a hot flush wondering what would have happened if I had thrown the covers off in the night, showing all my boy bits in all their glory or lack of.

Other girls were gradually waking up and complaining about the early hour and that it was, ‘snot fare!’

I carefully pulled my nightie down and waited for everyone to get up. If I was lucky, they would all go to the bathroom, letting me get up without exposing myself too much.

Trouble was, no one was moving yet.

I looked over at Tracy and even though it was noisy, she was still in the land of nod!

Next to me, I heard curtains being pulled back and I saw Rachel in a dressing gown, looking down as she worked her way across the room towards the bathroom. She looked so sad and I really wanted to speak to her or at least smile some encouragement, but I had to be careful as she was in Coventry and I was not supposed to say or do anything!

Tracy woke up after two of the girls tickled her feet and she screamed as if someone was killing her.

Everyone was now up except me and I saw that there was only had fifteen minutes left before it was time for breakfast. I quickly started to get up, making sure that I was adequately covered up first.

Then at the last moment I just stayed there, too shy or afraid, more like to follow everyone to the bathroom.

When everyone had gone, I quickly pulled the curtains around my bed area, took off my nightie, shivered in the cold and quickly opened the small wardrobe. At the bottom, were some drawers. I pulled open to the top one and saw some under things. I picked out some blue panties and put them on, they were shiny and smooth and they felt quite nice going up my legs.

Luckily, they were a tight fit, so I jammed my boy bits out of the way (that made my eyes water) and pulled them up tight.

Then I saw a matching vest thingy in the same material so I put that on too.

‘This isn’t too bad.’ I thought, ‘who said dressing as a girl was hard, peace of cake really.’

Looking in the wardrobe section, I picked out the first thing I could see; a sky blue cotton dress with sleeves and quickly put in over my head.

‘Great, this will go with my knickers and vest.’

I stopped for a moment and shook my head, not believing what I was saying to myself. My Dad would turn in his grave to see his son Mark going through all this.

Continuing on, and after struggling and wrestling with it for a few minutes, I managed to finally put the dress on; then realising that it had a zip, I cursed the folly of wearing such a thing and contorted my arms around the back to try to do the flaming thing up.

‘Oh hell!’ I shouted.

Just then the curtain was pulled back a bit and Tracy with a grin on her face looked at me with some amusement.

‘Having trouble, kid?’

‘Yes, I can’t reach the blasted zip!’

You must have worn dresses with zips before?’

‘Er, yes, well once anyway, but it was a long time ago and my Mum helped me with it. I normally wore jeans and things.’

‘You were a bit of a tomboy weren’t you? Look turn around and I’ll show you what to do.’

I turned around and Tracy showed me how to lift the dress high enough for me to reach behind, grab hold of the zip and then sort of wiggle a bit as I pulled it up. Look if you are a girl reading this, you know what I mean. If you are a boy; then what are you reading it for anyway?

‘Have you washed yet?’

‘Pardon?’ I said as I final did the flipping zip up.

‘It’s just I didn’t see you there.’

‘Erm…I was getting late and didn’t have time.’

‘Don’t you want a wee? I’m dying for one when I get up.’

Just then I realised that I was desperate to go and started hopping around like a rabbit.

‘Where are my socks?’

‘Bottom drawer; always in the bottom drawer.’

I pulled open the drawer and grabbed the first pair to hand. They were pink but I was in no state to care.

After hastily putting the socks on, I grabbed my shoes from under the bed, slipped them on and ran for the door, rushing past Tina and Sharon who were coming in.

Once in the bathroom ,which was now empty, I looked for the urinals, remembering at the last moment that girls toilets don’t have them and anyway how would I explain standing at one and doing my stuff. I banged open a toilet door, bolted it behind me, turned around pulled down my panties sat down and sighed with relief.

Two minutes later, I was standing washing my hands at the sinks and looking at my hair. It looked like a combine harvester had been to work on it. My brush was on my bedside table and I decided that I should try to sort the mess out before going down to breakfast.

The clock on the wall now said that I had 3 minutes till breakfast; so I wiped my hands on a towel and ran back into the dormitory.

Everyone had gone downstairs so I went over to my bed and picked up my brush. There was a full length mirror on the inside of the door so I went over and brushed my hair into a rough estimate of what it looked like the previous day.

Looking at myself in the mirror wearing the dress, I felt a sort of resentment about what had happened to me. First I loose my parents, why did they have to go and die and leave me in a stupid place like this? Then I am forced to pretend to look like a girl and wear stupid dresses.

I started to sniff and I rubbed my nose on my sleeve.

Then I noticed that my sleeve had some snotty bogies on it and I had to go into the bathroom and wipe it off with a towel.

I wiped my moist eyes as they were leaking a bit for some reason and then went back into the dorm. I made my bed and made sure that Teddy was comfortable as he looked like he had had a rough night, what with being in a new place and everything.

Looking at the clock, I saw that I was now late for breakfast but it didn’t matter as I wasn’t hungry any more. I lay down on my bed and picked up Teddy as I think he needed a cuddle.

This was all too much for me. Who was I kidding? Every time I opened my mouth, I gave myself away. Boys can’t be girls; it’s not natural. I looked like a boy in a dress. Why hadn’t anyone realised yet? Do they all need glasses?

Thoughts kept going around in my mind, doubts, concerns, worries — I was a mess.

The door opened and Rachel came in and walked over to her bed. She sort of smiled at me as she passed and I could see that her eyes were red from crying. I smiled back, not saying anything. Perhaps she wasn’t hungry either.

Then I had a thought. If I talked to Rachel while everyone was at breakfast, I would find out what caused her to be put into Coventry.

Without thinking about it, I went over to her. She was sitting on the bed facing away from me so I went and sat next to her.

‘Hello Rachel, are you OK.’

She looked startled and then glanced around the room, making sure that no one else was around.

‘You mustn’t talk to me; you’ll be in trouble if you do.’

‘Nobody is here and you look as sad as I do at the moment. Why were you put in Coventry?’

‘Because I told tales.’

‘What about?’

‘Tracy.’

‘What about her?’

‘She was being stupid.’

‘Why.’

‘She likes to do things that are dangerous.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘She likes to go out at night and wonder around. All the kids tell her not to and she was caught once by one of the carers walking in the garden after midnight. They just told her off and said that she mustn’t do it again.’

‘What has that got to do with you being in Coventry?’

‘She boasted that she was going to do it again and that she wouldn’t just go into the garden, but she would do it at 2.00am in the morning and she would go to the all night shop at the end of then road to get some sweets.’

‘Is that why you told on her?’

‘Yes; there have been a couple of assaults on girls around here at night and I didn’t want her to get hurt.’

‘Are you sure that she was going to do it or was she just bragging?’

‘No, she never says that she is going to do something and not go ahead and do it. It’s a pride thing with her.’

‘Well she was silly to think of it and I think you were right to tell on her.’

‘You do, do you?’

We both jumped at that and turned around. Tracy, Tina and the rest of the girls were standing there looking very annoyed.

I could see that I was in trouble and felt sick about what else might happen to me now that I had spoken to Rachel and agreed with everything that she had done.

To be continued...

Please leave comments, ta.

"Look Tracy, I know that I’m not supposed to talk to Rachel but she was so sad and anyway, it was a stupid idea of yours to go out late and..."

Orphan 7
by
Susan Brown

 
Looking at Tracy and the other girls, I could see that I was not their favourite person.

‘Look Tracy, I know that I’m not supposed to talk to Rachel but she was so sad and anyway, it was a stupid idea of yours to go out late and...’

Tracy had a frown on her face. She didn’t look pleased; I assumed that I wouldn’t be on her Christmas card list, this year. Her foot was tapping and she looked like she was sizing me up for a coffin or something.

‘Look Stephanie. You are new and I should make allowances but I won’t, so you are in Coventry like Rachel.’

She turned away with the other girls and then we all sort of jumped as Rachel shouted at her.

‘TRACY, I TOLD ON YOU COS I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO GET HURT LIKE I WAS!’

Everyone looked at Rachel with surprise at the outburst. She was sitting on her bed, tears flooding down her face.

Tracy went over to her with a frown on her face.

‘What do you mean, you were hurt?’

Rachel looked at Tracy through tear stained eyes. She was sobbing now and could barely speak.

‘I…I was hurt once.’

All thoughts of Coventry were gone now. This was a girl who was hurting and we all wanted to know what had happened and we gathered around her.

I sat on the bed next to Rachel and held her hand.

‘What happened?’

‘’I…I can’t talk about it.’

‘You have to. Look at you, all upset. It will help, truly.

She looked up at us, blew her nose with a tissue and then took a deep breath.

‘I was nine at the time. My mum and dad were always arguing It was about 11’oclock at night. They went to bed, still rowing about money and that he hadn’t got a job. He kept saying that he only got drunk because he had nothing else to do. Then mum said that she wished that he was dead and then I put my pillow over my head to shut out the noise.’

She stopped to wiped her eyes again and then carried on.

‘I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew was that it was very late and the row had stopped. I decided to leave home, so I got up and dressed, put a few clothes in a carrier bag and then got my money from my piggy bank. I quietly went downstairs, put my shoes and coat on and opened the door carefully, shutting it as quietly as possible behind me.’

‘And you were just nine years old?’ Tracy said incredulously.

‘Yes; I wasn’t happy at home and dad often hit me after drinking and mum didn’t really like children; even her own. My younger brother was taken into care just after he was born because mum couldn’t cope. I suppose that was one of the reasons I ran away but I had had enough.’

She paused a bit and looked at us with concern and worry on her face.

‘Promise you won’t tell anyone?’

‘About what?’ said Tina.

‘What happened to me when I ran away?’

We all looked at each other and nodded our agreement.

‘Hang on,’ said Tracy, ‘Phillipa, can you keep watch so no warders can see us. We’ll tell you about it later.’

‘OK.’

Phillpa went over to the door and stood there while Rachel continued.

‘When I got out of the house, I didn’t know where I was going. I just wanted to get away. I was only nine and hadn’t a clue about being alone at night in the middle of the town. I had no idea of the danger. Anyway I walked about twenty minutes and came to the park where my mum used to take me occasionally when she wanted to get away from my dad. I sat on the swings and thought about what I was going to do. I was getting cold and it was dark and I thought that I was alone.’

Rachel’s eyes began to tear up as she carried on her story. I kept holding her hand which was shaking slightly and a bit damp.

‘Suddenly, in front of me was a man. He had dark hair and was about twenty or thirty. I don’t really know what he looked like, cos he had something over part of his face to hide his features. I think it might have been a hanky or something. He hadn’t had a shave and his breath smelt of drink. He didn’t say anything and just dragged me to some bushes. He…he then pulled my clothes off and…and then he…he…hurt me!’

I pulled her into my arms as she cried her eyes out. All the other girls were crying too. We were all in a state for a few minutes.

Eventually, Rachel calmed down a bit and finished her story.

‘When he finished hurting me, he hit me in the face and I don’t remember anything else till I woke up in hospital. I was badly bruised and battered and was in a state. Mum came to visit me once but dad wouldn’t, he had said that it was my fault for going out like that. A lady came to see me and asked lots of questions; I think she was a police woman. Then another two ladies came and said that my mum had asked if the authorities could look after me as she couldn’t cope. I haven’t seen my mum or dad since as dad walked out and mum moved and I don’t know where she is. They never caught the man.’

She looked up at a still crying Tracy and said, ‘That’s why I told on you. I didn’t want you to get hurt.’

Tracy knelt down in front of Rachel and then suddenly gave her a big hug.

‘I’m sorry Rachel. I can be a pig sometimes. You were right; it was a stupid thing to try to do.’

‘That’s all right. I should have told you.’

Everyone came up and gave Rachel a hug and then Phillipa gave a warning hiss; someone was coming.

It was Miss Cathcart with a sour look on her face.

‘Tracy.’

‘Yes Miss Cathcart.’

‘Don’t sigh like that Tracy. It was your turn to help with the washing up, now scoot.’

With more sighs and a few sulky looks, Tracy went to do her duty.

Miss Cathcart looked over at the rest of us.

‘What have you all got sour faces for and Rachel, why are you crying?’

‘Nothing, Miss Cathcart.’

‘Hmm; do you want to talk?’

‘No thanks Miss Cathcart, I’m just a bit sad,’

‘OK, dear if you want to talk you know where I am. Now girls I notice that beds haven’t been made so hop to it.’

With that she walked out leaving us to do our chores. I gave Rachel another hug.

‘Are you OK?’

‘Yes; it was good to get it off my chest.’

‘I’m glad you’re not in Coventry any more.’

‘So am I!’

‘Will you be my friend?’

‘Yes, that will be great. By the way, where did you get your teddy, he’s nice?’

‘I’ve had him since I was a kid. I’m a bit old for teddies but don’t tell him that as he gets upset easily.’

‘I won’t. Perhaps he could be friends with my doll, Stella.’

‘That would be great, they could go to the pictures and hold hands…paws, whatever and have popcorn.’

I don’t think Stella likes popcorn, she loves maltesers though.’

‘Teddy prefers Treats as they melt in the mouth not the paw.’

We looked at each other and then started giggling. I think that Rachel was feeling a bit better now.

To be continued…

This is in free form so probably has tons of mistakes…never mind no one's perfect.

Please leave comments as Teddy likes to read them.

Paula had her transistor radio and switched it on. In no time, we were laughing shouting and stomping to ‘Bits and Pieces’ someone said that the Dave Clark Five were splitting up and that was sad cos they used to make good songs.

Orphan 8
by
Susan Brown

 

After all the excitement, I found myself with the other girls, outside sitting on the lawn. It was a lovely day, the sun was shining and the flowers over in the borders were bright and gay with colour. There was a slight breeze and I could feel it on my legs as my skirt moved slightly. I would like to say that it was unpleasant, it wasn’t — just a bit strange. Here I was sitting among girls and being accepted as one. Who would have thought, just a few days ago that I would be here, dressed like this?

Paula had her transistor radio and switched it on. In no time, we were laughing shouting and stomping to ‘Bits and Pieces’ someone said that the Dave Clark Five were splitting up and that was sad cos they used to make good songs.

Eventually, we all sat down, breathing heavily after our dancing. It was funny, sometimes I forgot I was a boy and acted and behaved just like one of the girls.

Anyway, after getting our breath back, Tracy was telling us in detail how she had been thrown out of her last attempt at fostering.

‘Well, they wanted to treat me like a kid — you know go to bed at nine, brush your teeth and behind your ears, stuff like that. Well I wasn’t having that nonsense. They wanted to dress me all girly and frilly. I mean to say, pig tails at my age.’

‘Hang on,’ said Tina, ‘why would you want to brush behind your ears with a toothbrush?’

There was a general groan and a ‘SHUT UP TINA!’ from all of us and Tracy carried on with her tale.

She was just getting to a juicy bit, where she was going to put something nasty in her foster parents’ bed when I felt a tap on the shoulder.

I looked up, squinting in the sunshine, to find a woman looking down at me smiling.

Tracy stopped what she was saying.

‘Hello Sheila; what’s up?’

Sorry to disturb your fantasy, Tracy but I need to talk to Stephanie.’

‘Fantasy! It’s the God’s honest truth.’

‘Hmm, anyway, Stephanie, have you got a minute?’

‘That’s OK Steph; I’ll tell you all the nasty details later, K?

‘OK.’ I said, getting up and brushing the grass off my dress.

I followed Sheila into the building. It seemed quite dark after the sunshine outside.

She went into a room that I had never been to before. Following on, I could see that it was some sort of medical room. She motioned me to sit down and then went over to the door. She shut it and turned the key in the lock.

‘That will give us a bit of privacy, we don’t want anyone barging in do we? Right Stephanie or do you prefer Steph?’

‘I really prefer Mark,’

I looked at her as she sort of gave me a strange smile. She was quite tall, thin, with long blond hair. She was wearing a brown skirt and jumper and looked fit and healthy. She was quite young, perhaps early 20’s and seemed OK.

‘I know what you mean, but we have to call you by your girls name for obvious reasons.’

‘I suppose Steph will be OK than.’

‘That’s what I like to see — enthusiasm!’

I smiled at that — I suppose calling me Mark while wearing a dress would be a bit strange and I wouldn’t last two minutes here if I did.

‘Now Steph; sorry I wasn’t here yesterday. How have you found it so far?

‘OK I guess.’

‘Do you want to tell me about it?’

‘OK, if you like.’

I told her all about what had happened since I came to the home; how I found it sometimes good, sometimes bad and quite a lot downright weird.

‘Well you certainly have had a busy time. Are you getting more used to wearing girls clothes?’

‘Yes, I suppose so.’

‘You look very nice; I wouldn’t have known that you are a boy if I hadn’t been told. Mind you, when I heard about this, I couldn’t believe that the council would sanction it. I know that things are bad at the moment, what with the closure of one of the homes but still, it smacks of desperation. Why didn’t they just transfer your case to another district?’

‘That was probably my fault, I didn’t want to move out of the area.’

‘Because of your mum and dad?’

I just nodded.

‘I can understand that. Ah well, we’ll just have to make the most of it. Have you made any friends?

‘Yes, all the girls in the dormitory are nice.’

‘Yes they are, but you have to watch Tracy, she can be a bit wild sometimes. I saw that Rachel was smiling outside. She has been a bit quiet and sad lately. Do you know why?’

‘No, but she’s OK now.’

‘That’s good. Anyway, back to you. I’ve had a chat with Matron and she has asked me to look after you, so to speak and help you adjust. Is that OK with you?’

‘Yes; thanks for helping me.’

‘No problem. Want a rolo?’

‘Not if it’s your last one.’

She laughed and said, ‘no there’s plenty left, mind you I prefer munchies they don’t stick to the teeth so much.’

‘I love mintolas, do you?’

She laughed, ‘yes, I can see you have sweet tooth, like me. Anyway, back to business. How are you managing with the dressing and stuff?’

‘OK, I have problems with dresses with zips up the back though and I thought that I was being strangled by my nightie when I woke up.’

‘Tell me about it. I bet they were all designed by men. What about washing and dressing in private?’

‘I pulled the curtains around my bed this morning and got dressed OK, but I nearly got caught by Tracy when I struggled with my zip.’

‘Well, be careful, wont you. Luckily, you can wash and bathe in private but try not to put yourself in situations where you might be embarrassed. OK, lecture over. Tomorrow is Monday and a school day. All the other kids will go to school and until we can sort things out, you will stay here. It will give me a chance to teach you about being a girl. Just wearing the clothes is not enough, you have to talk, think, breathe and BE a girl while you are here. Probably, from next week, you will have to go to school if you are still here, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it; OK?’

The thought of going to a girls school full of — um girls, filled me with fright and I hoped and prayed that this would end before then.

‘Is there any chance of me going anywhere else before then?’

‘To be honest, I don’t know. All I do know is that things are getting worse rather than better. There is some talk of kids being shipped to Australia to ease the congestion, but that’s just a rumour.’

‘Australia!’

‘Yes, it’s been done before by other authorities but not this one. We will just have to wait and see. Maybe you could go. Would you want that?’

‘No I don’t want to leave my mum and dad.’

‘I know honey, it’s all a bit nasty for you at the moment, but some time, you are going to have to move on.’

‘I know but not yet, please.’

‘Mind you, I think the first one to be shipped out would be Tracy,’ she laughed.

‘I like Tracy, but she’s a bit much!’

‘Yes, but her hearts in the right place. Somewhere in there, there’s a lovely sweet girl trying to come out. Anyway, I shouldn’t be talking to you about this. Off you trot and I’ll see you tomorrow when everyone has gone off to school.’

‘OK,’ I said getting up, ‘bye.’

‘Bye; and Steph?’

‘Yes?’

‘Don’t forget, I’m here if you need any help or just a hug.’

With that, I just went over and did just that. Perhaps things wouldn’t be so bad, after all.

As I went outside, I could see Tracy coming over to me, she had a small smile on her lips, the sort that cats have when they are just about to have some cream.

‘Hi Steph, got a minute I want to show you something?’

Puzzled, I went with her to the rear of the large garden and over to the bushes where she had hidden the box with the cigarettes.

She motioned me to sit down and I waited with eager anticipation for her to say what she was up to now.

‘Erm, I was just passing the door where you and Sheila were and, by accident, I put my ear against it. I could hear quite clearly what you were saying. I must say I was a bit surprised. Anyway, what’s it like to be a boy wearing a dress and pretending to be a girl?’

To be continued...

Please leave comments...ta

I could feel the blood drain from my face. This was the one thing I feared- being found out and I had only been here a few minutes!

Orphan 9
by
Susan Brown

 

I could feel the blood drain from my face. This was the one thing I feared- being found out and I had only been here a few minutes!

I was going to be sick. My heart was pounding and all I could see was Tracy’s face with that slight smile on her lips. I was in trouble and my world was falling around my ears. Then, to cap it all, the tears started. I put my face in my hands and started sobbing uncontrollably. My body heaved as all the problems, worries, heartaches and shear terror of what had happened to me came pouring out.

Then I felt something strange and unexpected. I was being hugged and whispered at.

I tried to control myself and with a big gasp of breath, I opened my eyes. Through the tears, I could see nothing but a face full of hair. It was Tracy! She was saying something…

‘I am so sorry, Steph. I wouldn’t hurt you for the world. Don’t worry, it’s alright.’

She was stroking my back and hugging me at the same time and whispering ‘shhh.’ in my ear.

It took a couple of minutes for me to climb out of the grief but eventually, I calmed down a bit and with a big blow on a tissue and a major wipe of my eyes, I was back in one piece…more or less.

‘Feeling better?’

I nodded, not able to speak yet.

‘I’m’ sorry I shocked you like that. I’m a bit like a bull…or is that a cow, as I’m a girl, in a china shop. I shoot my mouth off and don’t realise it. If I do that again, just thump me around the head, OK?’

I nodded again. I was feeling a bit like one of those nodding dogs you get in the back of cars.

‘Friends still?’

Guess what…I nodded.

‘I can see that this is going to be a one sided conversation… God I’m only 12, I hope it’s not like this when I’m ancient like er 30 or something. Right, pin your lug holes back and listen to Auntie Trace. I overheard what I did cos I’m a nosy cow who can’t keep out of trouble. I thought that you were in trouble this time so I listened in so I could give you a hand in case things got heavy. You could have dropped a brick on my head and I wouldn’t have noticed after hearing what you went through. Fancy being a boy and having to pretend that you are a girl, cos the council cocked it all up.’

She drew for breath and noticing that I was being a bit mute, continued.

‘Well, I couldn’t believe it, you doing a Danny La Rue* Mind you, I can’t believe your not a girl; you’re a natural. Are you sure you haven’t practiced before?’

‘No.’

‘God, she speaks…or is it he…I don’t know; dressed and looking like that you are a girl…150%, I’d say. Now what I want to know is do you like it?’

‘Like what?’

‘Being a girl, silly.’

‘I’m not a girl.’

‘No, you have extra bits which don’t come with the girl package but you look like a girl. I read somewhere; “If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and swims like a duck, then it's a duck.” or something like that; meaning that you look the part so perhaps deep down you are a duck…I mean girl.’

‘I’m a boy called Mark.’

I was getting really uncomfortable with this talk. I was going places where I didn’t want to go. Did I like me as a girl? No I didn’t even want to think it.

‘OK, lets change the subject, do you like it here?’

I looked around at the grounds, the grass, the flowers all bright and colourful. Then my eyes turned to the big house that used to be a hospital. My thoughts drifted to the girls in there…Rachel, Tina, Paula and the others; they were a nice bunch of girls. The staff were OK too…Even Miss Cathcart was nice when she asked Rachel if she was all right. After loosing my parents, my life was upside down; here, I felt a bit of security and the fact that everyone seemed to like me…

‘Well?’

‘I…I do like it here; everyone has been so good to me and I’ve had too many things go wrong lately. I would like to stay, if I can.’

‘Even if it means being a duc…I mean girl?’

I looked down at myself. It had come to the stage where I wasn’t constantly thinking about what I was wearing. I was getting used to this already!

‘Yes, it’s not so bad. It’s only clothes after all.’

‘You haven’t seen the school uniform yet…talk about the 50’s. Anyway, don’t worry about that. I promise I wont say anything to anyone. It’s our secret. Anyway, I like the idea of hiding stuff from other people. I know Sheila will help you, but she’s old, at least 25 so what does she know about fashion and what’s right. It will be a scream just to see other people get taken in. One thing though.’

‘What?’

‘For Gods sake don’t keep sitting down with your legs open, it’s a dead giveaway.’

‘I don’t, do I?’

‘Sometimes. I just thought that it was you being a tomboy, but now I know different.’

‘I’ll try to remember.’

‘Also, to hide things more, I think that you should go really girlie.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, you haven’t much in the way of clothes have you?’

‘No, only some cast offs from the council ladies daughter.’

‘Well what normally happens is that you are dragged around shops to find new stuff. We have to make sure that I can go with you and then I can help you choose. We will get you stuff that’s so girlie that it would make Barbi look like a man.’

‘Why do that?’

‘What boy would want to dress like that? It will be the perfect disguise.’

‘If you say so.’ I said doubtfully. ‘Anyway I think Sindy is nicer, remember the catch fraise…erm, “Sindy the doll you'll love to dress” ?’

She looked at me strangely as I turned beetroot red. ‘Er…right; anyway, lets go back in. People will start wondering what we are doing.’

Still a bit embarrassed at knowing about Sindy and wondering where abouts from my brain that I had dragged that bit of information from, we got up and brushed the grass clippings off our skirts. I was trying not to think too much about what I just said and more than that, how I remembered it.

‘Tracy.’

‘Yea?’

‘Thanks for being nice.’

‘Shut up you twit, lets go get a coke.’

We went back into the cool of the building. It seemed quite dark after the brightness of outside. We went into the kitchen and Tracy grabbed two cokes from the huge fridge in the kitchen. She also managed to find a couple of Wagon Wheels. I loved the chocolate covered biscuits and almost drooled as I opened the blue and red wrapper and took a huge bite out of it.

‘No, no, no, no no!’

I looked up at the disapproving face of Tracy and mumbled, ‘what?’ through my somewhat full mouth, spraying Tracy with crumbs as I did so.

‘Yuk! Stop doing that. Remember, girls aren’t supposed to do that; you need to be a girlie girl so no one will cotton on that you are a fella. Now take smaller bites and think GIRL!’

‘Sorry,’ I mumbled as I swallowed the biscuit and nibbled at another piece.

‘Better, but don’t go overboard, you aren’t Victorian and wearing corsets so you can take bigger bites than that without fainting.’

‘It’s all a bit hard.’

‘Being a girlie girl is hard; that why I’m not one. Finished, good, lets take our cokes out and see where the others are.’

We left the kitchen with our cokes and went into the lounge area. It was a large room with lots of chairs, a TV in the corner blaring away with some pop song, It was The Rolling Stones and Mick Jagger was doing strange things with his hips, while his rubber lips was saying something about not being able to get satisfaction. I don’t like them much; preferring the Beatles or at a pinch The Beach Boys any day. In the middle of the room was a ping-pong table and two of the girls were playing quite vigorously, making me knackered just watching them.

Some of the girls from our dormitory were sitting, playing cards so we went over.

Paula looked up and said, ‘Hi, girls, what’s up?’

‘Not much,’ said Tracy.

‘You been crying?’ said a concerned Rachel to me.

‘A bit?’

‘Why.’

‘Don’t want to talk about it.’

‘OK, if you want to talk later, let me know.’ She went back to the game and left me with a warm, sort of squidgy feeling inside that these girls actually cared about me.

The rest of the day passed without much more drama, except Phillipa managed to hit a tennis ball through the window, which just happened to land in Miss Cathcart’s cup of tea. I didn’t know that Miss Cathcart had that sort of vocabulary but more than one of us blushed.

The day finally drew to a close. After supper, we all got undressed and watched an old film on the TV. It was a weepy and to my surprise, I found myself to be tearful at the end of it.

After lights out, I was lying snuggled up with Teddy, whispering about what had happened that fateful day and he told me a few things about him and Stella which made me feel that they were more than just friends.

I fell asleep thinking that perhaps my luck may be changing for the better and hoping that Tracy wouldn’t go too mad about me being “girlie” when we went shopping.

To be continued...

* An English female impersonator

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The coloured lights were flashing and the bomp; bomp of the music was entering my very soul. Pinball Wizard reverberated around the confined area of the discothá¨que and Roger Daltrey’s incredibly loud vocals was making my head spin.

Orphan 10
by
Susan Brown

 

I was at a disco.

The coloured lights were flashing and the bomp; bomp of the music was entering my very soul. Pinball Wizard reverberated around the confined area of the discothá¨que and Roger Daltrey’s incredibly loud vocals was making my head spin.

In the dim lights I could see boys and girls dancing and gyrating around me. My head dropped and hair cascaded onto my face as I danced with my friends to that fantastic music. I glanced at my white mini skirt speckled with my sweat and the pink satin top; I felt so with it as this was me…young, free and alive!

If it was possible, the music got louder and the lights grew brighter. We danced crazily, sweat was running down the small of my back and I was as close to heaven as I could be. My heartbeat coincided with the beat of the music and I was more happy than I had ever been before. There was no past or future, this was now and I was living it!

I could just about see Tracy through the smoke, dancing with a boy over to my left. She had a cigarette in her mouth and the ash was cascading gently to the floor like snow as she tried to talk, laugh and take a drag all at the same time. She was wearing a short yellow skirt and top and she glowed in the spotlights like some sort of mini sun.

Rachel came up to me and started shouting in my ear. Her hair was a mess and she looked as hot as I felt. I couldn’t hear her. She mouth said something but I didn’t have a clue what she was saying.

She kept nudging me and then in the distance I heard her…

‘Wake up, Steph, you’re having a nightmare.’

My eyes snapped open and then closed hastily as the bright lights of the dorm drew me back from my lovely dreams to the cold hard reality which was now.

‘Aarrrhhhh.’ I said, wittily.

‘Are you OK?’

‘Phnnnn.’

‘Pardon?’

I cracked one eye open and saw a concerned Tracy looking t me.

I swallowed and tried to bring myself back to the present.

‘I’m OK,’ I croaked,

‘That’s good; I was getting a bit worried there. You were singing something off key and it sounded as if you were in pain.’

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. When I opened them, I could see that everyone had left and only Rachel was there. She was wearing a school uniform and I winced at the sight of her.

I know that I was no fashion expert, but to my somewhat limited eye, what she wore was beyond the pale. She was wearing a green pinafore dress that went down nearly to her ankles, a white round, soft collard blouse, with a big red ribbon instead of a tie. White long socks and shiny black shoes completed the outfit and I could say with certainty that she would not be winning any prizes for fashion. It might have looked OK in a nunnery, but this was the start of seventies for heavens sake!

‘Yuk.’ I said, once I had got my head around it.

She looked down and sort of grimaced.

‘I know what you mean. That’s not the end of it. The hat we have to wear is hideous and to top it all, there is a sort of cape we have to wear outside; a bit like a nurses cape but in the same sick colour as the dress. You’re lucky, you aren’t going to school yet, but if you do, you will have to wear this rubbish. I have to go to breakfast now. Will you be OK?’

‘Mmm.’ I said, hoping against hope that I wouldn’t have to dress like that any time soon.

Rachel left with a slight smile and a little wave and I found myself alone for the first time since I had arrived at the orphanage, come home.

I looked around for Teddy, but couldn’t find him!

Then I sat up and looked under the bed and there he was. How he got there, I wasn’t sure but he probably got chucked out when I was in the throes of my dream.

I reached down and grabbed him.

‘Sorry, Teddy.’ I said giving him a reassuring cuddle and then slipping him under the covers with me, I don’t know why I bothered because, as usual, his expression didn’t change and he just seemed to be above everything. Anyway, I was getting too old for teddies, so I just ignored him…a bit.

As I lay there, I reflected on my dream. It was weird that I dreamt as a girl and not a boy. I put it down to the fact that I was dressed as a girl and I was supposed to act like one…a subconscus thing I think they called it.

Thinking about things, it didn’t seem too bad, my life at the moment, I mean. I was in a place where people liked me and cared for me. I had made several friends…all right only one knew that I had more down below than I should have had, but still, it gave me a warm gooey feeling in my tummy to realise that I actually belonged somewhere, even if it was just for a short while.

I could hear the sound of laughter and doors banging from downstairs and I realised that the girls were going to school.

I quickly got up and wondered over to the window, shivering slightly in my bare feet and thin nightie.

I could see through the net curtains an old bus and everyone was getting on board. I grinned slightly as I saw the hats they had to wear and in those ridiculous capes they all looked like mini nurses; it was like something out of the fifties. Then I stopped grinning as I realised that if things were not worked out for me soon, I would be wearing the same. The thoughts of Australia now had a strange attraction to me for some funny reason.

I shivered again and decided to wash and get dressed. I needed to anyway as I had to see Sally and have my first girl lesson.

I put on my dressing gown and went into the bathroom. As it was quiet, I decided to have a bath. I turned the taps on and soon the water was filling the bath up. There was a bottle of pink gooey stuff on a shelf and on the side it said that it was bubble bath. On a whim, I put some in the water. The smell that wafted up was a bit perfumey but the soapy stuff smelt nice and it was soon bubbling up and making the water disappear under the suds.

I took off my dressing gown and nightie, turned off the taps and then, with a sigh, I got into the bath.

The water covered my body as I sank beneath the waves.

Bubbles went up my nose and I sneezed a bit, still, it was nice to relax for a while…

‘Stephanie!’

I jerked awake, realising in an instant that I had fallen asleep.

‘Er..hello?’

‘Are you in the bath.’

It was Sheila.

‘Yes…I won’t be long.’

‘That’s OK; I have to pop out to the shops. I’ll be about an hour. You can be ready by then?’

‘Yes.’

‘Good girl; see you later.’

‘Bye.’

Eventually the water got a bit cold and the suds had mysteriously disappeared so I heaved myself up, pulled the plug out of the hole, grabbed a towel and dried myself off.

Once I was dry, I put on my dressing gown a picked up my somewhat stinky and sweaty nightie and went back into the dorm.

I wasn’t sure what to wear, not being a real girl, I had no sense of style and I just picked up the first thing to hand. A pale lilac dress caught my eye and I took it out of the wardrobe and put it on the bed. Opening the chest of drawers, I picked out the least frilly white panties and after taking off my dressing gown, slipped them up my thin, spindly legs. I then picked up the dress and put it over my head, then sort of wiggled into it.

After smoothing the dress down, I put on some white ankle socks and a pare of plimsolls that I found in the bottom of the wardrobe.

To finish, I dragged a brush through my hair and sort of teased it into what I thought was a girlie style.

I had just finished when I heard a sort of moaning sound behind me.

I turned around and I saw Sheila standing there with a look of horror on her face. She looked like she had just come out from a horror flick at the cinema and she hadn’t quite got over Vincent Price being nasty.

‘Oh…my…God!’

‘What?’

Her face was pale and she was trembling slightly. Was she ill?

‘You.’

‘Sorry?’

‘What are you wearing?’

‘Erm, clothes?’

She shuddered.

‘I can see that I have a lot of work to do. Strip off.’

‘Pardon?’

‘I said strip off. We are going shopping. You are in desperate need of girl shopping before its too late.’

‘Too late?’

‘Yes, you need to look and be a girl as much as possible. Looking like that is a dead giveaway that you are not what you seem. Matron has told me that there is an informal governors inspection before tea tonight and if we don’t do something fast, we will be up to our necks in doo doo.’

‘Doo doo?’

‘I don’t need to paint a picture do I? I see that I do. You are a boy pretending to be a girl. Only a few people know about this. This home has close ties with the school and is partly funded by it. That’s why the girls go to the school in those yuckie uniformsl we are tied into it. You Stephanie, will probably have to go to that school. As usual, the council has cocked things up and not looked further than the end of its collective nose. If you are going to that school, we have to convince the head mistress…who by the way is more straight laced than the Mother Superior in The Sound Of Music… that you truly are as much of a girl as possible and that it is only as an accident of faith that you have been put into this position. If we don’t get this right, you will be taken away from here and the home, the council and everyone involved in this hare brained scheme will suffer. Now are you ready to change into something half decent so we can go shopping and make you into a little princess?’

I looked down at myself and realised that I should have been a tad more careful in what I put on. I didn’t want to leave this place and if that meant doing things that went against the grain, then so be it.

I just nodded and did as I was told. Who said truth was stranger than fiction?

To be continued...

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I sat on the bed and picked up Teddy. At least he didn’t have a go at me and listened to me, even though I was far too old for him and shouldn’t talk to him really.

Orphan 11
by
Susan Brown

 

I was very quiet as I changed into what Sheila called ‘sensible clothes.’

I was getting kind of upset…again and started sniffing. Water leaked from my eyes and then, as I picked up a blouse, put it on and tried to do up the buttons I had trouble as the flaming thing did up the wrong way., My arms dropped in defeat and I started crying in ernest. I was getting a right little cry baby lately and I didn’t know why.

I sat on the bed and picked up Teddy. At least he didn’t have a go at me and listened to me, even though I was far too old for him and shouldn’t talk to him really.

Sheila had left the room for something and as I was in full flow, she walked in stopped;
put her hand over her mouth and came over to me.

‘Stephanie, why are you crying?’

‘I never get anything right and I don’t want to wear these stupid clothes and your angry with me and…oh, I don’t know!’

She gave me a tissue and I wiped my eyes and blew my nose rather loudly.

‘I’m sorry, Steph. I wasn’t having a go at you, though come to think of it, it may have sounded like it. I’m a bit upset, that’s all. I wouldn't hurt you for the world. You haven’t seen the papers have you?’

‘No, I only read the Beano and there’s not much news in that.’

‘Well there was a house fire late last night. Two adults and five kids of different ages lived there. They were upstairs when it happened and they were trapped. Four of the children were dropped from a bedroom window and were caught in blankets. Then there was a gas explosion and the parents and one of the children didn’t make it.’

‘You mean?’

‘Yes, they died.’

‘That’s terrible.’

‘I know; everyone’s upset and worried for the poor things. Also, the cold hard fact is that the council now have four more kids to accommodate and they don’t know where they are going to put them. They don’t want to split the children up…they have gone through enough without having the added upset of putting them in different homes. Anyway, that’s the council’s problem. The reason why I said the things that I did was that it is now more important than ever that we get things right for you. I know that you have gone through the same experience as those kids, but although you have to pretend to be a girl for a while, you are fairly happy about staying here, aren’t you?’

‘Yes I’ve made some friends here and I would like to stay for a while. Anyway I’m a big gir…I mean boy now and I have to make the most of things.’

‘That’s good. I’m sure that it won’t be for too long. I know the council has asked for emergency funding due to the lack of care facilities and if everything works out, you will be settled somewhere soon.’

Strangely, I was a bit upset about hearing this news. I knew that it was strange, but apart from pretending to be a girl and though I hadn’t been here long, it was beginning to feel like home. The other children were getting like sisters to me and the adults like sort of parents. I belonged or I felt like I did anyway and it gave me a sense of comfort and security.

Mark seemed a long way away as I sat here, dressed as a girl and trying to behave like one. I was even starting to think of me as Mark being a different person…that was upsetting in itself as that was the only link I had left of my old life with my Mum and Dad.

Anyway I had no more time to think, as Sheila hurriedly helped me get changed. In no time I was dressed ‘appropriately’ in sensible blouse and skirt, knee socks and black shoes with a stubby heal. Bye,bye Mark, hello Steph.

I brushed my hair and then I was ready. Looking at the mirror, there were few if any signs that Mark was lurking in the background. I shrugged, if Mark was there, it would have been a bit awkward if I was going to try on clothes all day; I would have to accept the inevitable.

I shuddered a bit at the thought of shopping, but I didn’t have too much time to think.

We had a quick breakfast of sugar puffs, toast and a cup of tea and then we were on our way.

I put a cardie on as it was a bit cool outside and then we were rushing down to the end of the road as we had a number 36 to catch.

We just made it in time and I soon found myself sitting upstairs on the double decker bus, watching the world go by.

The bus conductor came up to us and whizzed his little machine around. Out spewed the paper tickets and he was off looking for more victims.

It was funny sitting there on the bus. I had been in such a rush that I wasn’t too aware of the clothes that I was wearing. I looked around but no one was taking any notice of me until I saw a small boy; about six I suppose looking at me strangely.

Had he realised somehow that I was a boy? He looked at his mum and then whispered something. She looked at me, smiled slightly then whispered back to the boy. I wished I that I could lip-read. The woman then looked out of the window as boy stared at me again then made his eyes cross and poked his tongue out at me!

This was a challenge so I did the same to him just as his mum looked back at me.

I went red all over and turned away.

‘Are you OK, Stephanie?’

‘Yes…er I’m OK, Sheila.’

Once again I looked outside. From my high vantage point, I could see into the backs of some gardens. I wondered if the people that lived here had as much happen to them as had happened to me. It was strange that. I thought about those poor children caught up in the fire and I hoped with all my heart that they would be found somewhere that they could live together.

Soon we arrived at the High Street, all hustle and bustle.

We went down the steep stairs of the bus and got off.

The place was full of people walking along the road going into and coming out of shops.

I held Sheila’s hand as we walked along. I was too big for that, but it felt comforting somehow, gripping tightly on her hand.

We came up to a shop, British Home Stores it said on the big sign outside.

It was strangely quiet in there compared to the business of the road outside.

It was a big shop with lots of clothes for different ages, girls and women, men and boys; all sectioned off from each other.

We made our way to the girls department and I was soon knee deep in clothes.

Sheila went sort of mad and I soon had half a dozen things to try on. We went over to the ladies changing room, and I was hustled inside. Luckily, the changing rooms were all curtained off and I was able to try things on without being seen. It was a bit embarrassing though as Sheila was helping me dress and undress. Eventually though after the third or fourth change, I lost my embarrassment.

I lost count of the things I tried on. We went into shop after shop. By the time we sat down at the Lyons Tea Shop I was exhausted. Who said that girls were the weaker sex?

I had a Fanta Orange and a sticky bun and Sheila had tea, crumpet and a cigarette.

After lighting up her ciggie and drawing the smoke deeply into her lungs, Sheila sighed and then looked at me.

‘Well how have you found your first shopping trip as a girl?’

‘I never thought that it would make me so tired.’

‘The things we girls have to do, eh?’

‘Erm, yes.’

‘Well you have enough things to be going on with, but we need several more if you are going to stay as Stephanie for a while.’

‘I thought you said that the council might get some money and then put me somewhere else.’

‘Yes, but knowing the government, it may be some time before they would cough up the cash, if at all. So we have to wait and see. Are you sure you want to continue with this?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well being a girl. There is always the chance of being found out and I wouldn’t want you hurt.’

I sucked the Fanta up my straw and thought for a second.

‘I want things to stay as they are as long as I don’t get caught but if I do, I won’t get into trouble will I?’

‘No, everyone else will, but not you. I think that we are all willing to take that chance if it will make you happy. If you change your mind, we’ll transfer you out to an area that can take you. Is that OK?’

‘Yes, I suppose so. It’s my fault really. I said I wanted to stay around here to be near my Mum and Dad.’

‘Look, do not blame yourself. It was the circumstances not you that caused this. We have a government who is more interested in the trident program and stuff like that than are willing to look after the poor and needy people of this country; they are the ones to blame. The council are not blameless either, but at least they care enough to try to help.’

Sheila rubbed her eyes and sighed.

‘What with all that, we have an inspection tonight.’

‘Will they want to speak to me.?’

Sheila laughed bitterly.

‘They won’t speak to any kid. They never do. They are more interested in what we spend our money on than actually talking to the people that are the primary reason for being there.’

I sighed with relief. The last thing that I wanted was some do-gooder talking to me and asking how I was feeling.

Sheila finished her cigarette and then looked at me.

‘Treat time.’

‘Pardon?’

‘I think that you need a girlie type treat.’

‘Erm, Cadbury's Creme Egg?’

‘No silly, anyone can have one of those. Although I do like the gooey stuff inside and I love putting my tongue in and…’

She coughed and came back to reality.

‘No, I think that your hair needs….erm…cutting.’

‘But I thought girls had their hair long and mine isn’t.’

‘Yes, dear but it lacks that shape that screams girl. Know what I mean?’

‘Erm…no.’

Sheila sighed and looked at me, shaking her head.

‘Holy Mary Quant, give me strength. This is going to be harder than I thought. I’ve made an appointment at the beauty parlour for you. Aren’t you pleased?’

‘Um, should I be?’

‘Of course.’

‘Will it hurt?’

‘Probably not, but hot rollers tight on your head can be a bit of a pig.’

‘Can’t I just have pigtails or something?’

She laughed evilly.

‘You want to be with it, happening and now, don’t you?’

‘Pardon?’

‘Don’t you want to be groovy?’

‘Sorry?’

‘Hare Krishna, heard of that?’

‘Is that a disease?’

‘Flower power?’

‘I have hay fever,’ I said helpfully.

‘I see that I need to give you a crash course in what is expected of you, little one. In the mean time, be prepared. It’s time for your first initiation.’

I somehow felt that this initiation would not be easy and it was with trepidation and anxiety that I followed Sheila out of the tearoom and out into the big ,wide, scary world.

To be continued...

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I looked around for torture equipment and looked warily at a tray on wheels that had a lot of shiny chrome implements on it. Somehow I had a sixth sense that some of that stuff was going to be used on me.

Orphan 12
by
Susan Brown

 

Orphan 12

I remember now as if it were yesterday. The first time I was dragged kicking and screaming to The Beauty Parlour.

Sheila was on a mission. Here I was, an eleven year old boy, pretending to be a girl in circumstances that quite frankly beggar belief. She however had that missionary look in her eye. Sheila wanted to have me converted and she wouldn’t take no for an answer.

I suppose I exaggerate a bit about kicking and screaming. In fact if I were honest, I would say that I went along like a tame lamb to the slaughter.

I gloss over all that happened in the Beauty Parlour…

Na, I suppose I have give you all the gory details so this account of my life is full and true. Though how people can think that this is true and not just a made up story I leave to your good sense.

As we entered the girls’ hairdressers, I looked at the sign. It was called Hair Today… for some reason.

We were met by a girl with a big smile, her teeth gleaming like some cheesy Colgate advert and a hairstyle that looked like it could withstand a force 8 gale.

‘Hello and who have we here?’

I looked around and then realised that she was talking about me. I jumped a bit as Sheila spoke. You can tell that I was a wee bit edgy.

‘Hi, Sharon, this is Stephanie and this is the first time she has been to a proper hairdresser.’

‘I see what you mean. Did your Mum last cut it with a basin?’

I was NOT going to get upset, so to make her feel guilty, I blurted out, ‘no my Mum has just died and she never cut my hair.’

The look on her face was worth all the effort. She went red and her smile went out like a switched off light.

‘I am so sorry, dear. I’m so insensitive. If I had a brain, I would be dangerous. Come with me and I’ll get Alphonse to have a look at you.’

(Alphonse?)

I was taken over to what looked bit like a dentists chair, with lots of levers and things made of either leather or my likely black PVC and I sat down and awaited my fate. I looked around for torture equipment and looked warily at a tray on wheels that had a lot of shiny chrome implements on it. Somehow I had a sixth sense that some of that stuff was going to be used on me.

Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention the smell. As I walked into the salon, the smell hit me. It was so strong, my eyes started to water and my nose got blocked up. I nearly sneezed but managed to hold it back, manfully or is that wonmanfully or even girlfully? You can see how mixed up I was getting. Anyway, we read about war in history just before I left my last school and I recon that if they used that smell in wartime, it would be considered a chemical weapon.

‘I’ll leave you with Sharon and I’ll be back in an hour; do as you are told and be a good girl for me. I’ve already explained what you should have done.’

‘Don’t I have any say in this, Sheila?’

‘Erm, Sharon. Can I have a minute with Steph?’

‘Okey Dokey.’

Sharon disappeared off somewhere.

‘Now Stephanie, my job is to get you to blend in; do you want to do that?’

‘Yes, of course I do I don’t want to be caught and thrown into jail.’

‘God, you do have a vivid imagination for a child of eleven. Well, can you trust me on this?’

‘I won’t look silly, will I?’

‘Of course not. When they have finished, they will make you look as much of a girl that you can be and you won’t stick out like a sore thumb, not that you stuck out much anyway as you are a natural. One thing I have asked them to do though is to pierce your ears; is that OK?’

‘Will it hurt?’

‘This is where I am supposed to say no, but I’ll be honest, it will hurt a bit, but the pain soon goes away and the big benefit is that it will help you look even more like a girl.’

‘OK, then.’ I said doubtfully, ‘ what else will they do?’

‘Can you trust me? You will like the experience; let it be a surprise.’

‘OK, if you think I should.’

‘Good girl; now I’ll call Sharon and I’ll see you in an hour.’

With that she left me to the tender mercies of the salon staff.

After half an hour, I realised how much girls and women went through. I thought it was tough being a boy, but this was something else.

My hair was washed three times and then rinsed. Then some smelly gunk called conditioner was put on and rinsed off twice. After that, I was led back to a chair with a huge mirror in front of it. I was made to put my hands in some sort of warm liquid. Then two girls got to work on my nails, tutting continually over the terrible condition of them.

Another girl came up to me and with a grin that looked a bit sadistic; she proceeded to put holes in my ears.

How she could say that it wouldn’t hurt without her nose getting any longer, I don’t know. Needless to say, I yelped and shot up in my seat. Anyway, the pain went down to an agonising throb after a few minutes and I stopped thinking of new swear words after a bit.

Eventually, my nails were finished and pronounced passable. I couldn’t believe how different they looked now and I kept staring at them as they reflected the lights of the salon.

‘Well; what have we here?’

I looked up and there in the mirror stood a thin man in a white tunic. He had some sort of green scarf around his neck and looked a bit strange. Then I got it. He was wearing a wig, I could see where the real hair ended and the wig began. It was a slightly different shade of ginger. He was frowning for some reason.

‘Tell me, who last did your hair?’

I couldn’t work out his accent; it appeared to be a mixture of French, German and Italian but for all I knew, he could have come from Hackney.

‘Erm, I can’t remember.’

‘Hmm; whoever did it should be put up against a wall and shot.’

For some reason I said, ‘sorry.’

‘Never mind. I will see what I can do. So many split ends…and not enough time; where do I start?’

He sprayed water in my hair using some sort of pump thingy. The water got onto my face and into my eyes, but he ignored it. Then he picked up some scissors and started snipping away at a rapid rate of knots, has hands going everywhere. How I didn’t loose an eye or ear, I’ll never know. Then he splashed my hair with water and carried on… tutting all the time and mumbling things to himself. I couldn’t really see what he was doing as he had turned me away from the mirror just after he started sheering away at me.

I got to see his face close up as he worked on me. I was mesmerised by the fact that his nose hair was dark brown but the hair on his head / wig was ginger. His breath smelt a bit garlicky and I was counting the minutes until he either finished or gassed me with his breath.

Eventually, he stopped with the scissors and then used a hair dryer, pulling and tugging at my hair until the very roots ached with the abuse.

Finally, he told me to close my eyes and he sprayed some evil smelling stuff on my hair.
Looking at me critically, he snipped a miniscule amount of hair away from my forehead, nodded and then sighed.

‘That is better. A crime has been rectified and all is now well. Look and see for yourself.’

He spun my chair around and I saw a girl staring back at me. I twitched my nose and so did the reflection. It was me; I didn’t realise how much a face could change by just having a hair cut. I could see some gold studs in my ears and that reinforced the ‘girl’ look, but it was the hair that did it.

He had cut it into a sort of bob, my hair was a bit shorter but somehow he made it look more feminine and fuller. I had a fringe and it ended just above my eyes. The hair was layered until it fell in line with the bottom of my ears. It reminded me of a picture I once saw of Twiggy. Mark may have been inside my head, but outside I was all Stephanie.

‘Are you happy with my creation?’

‘Er…thank you, yes I look nice.’

‘Nice!…nice!…you look beautiful. All the boys will want to fall at your feet; you will be the bell of the ball; you…’

I was a bit worried, he still had his scissors in his hand and he was going to stab someone if wasn’t careful.

‘I’m only 11.’

‘Well, perhaps you may have to wait a few years, but have no fear, you will break hearts one day and have lots of babies.’

Just then I heard the door open with a ping.

A few seconds later, Sheila was there beaming at me.

‘Oh Stephanie, you do look lovely. Well done Alphonse; you’ve weaved your magic, as usual.’

‘It was nothing.’

False modesty was not one of his strongest points as I could tell that he considered himself pretty wonderful. However looking at my reflection and seeing the changes that he had made, reinforced the fact that he knew his stuff.

‘Well, we must be off. Thanks again Alphonse.’

‘Think nothing of it Sheila. Bring her back soon, I think that she needs a perm.’

I shuddered at the thought of that and just waved goodbye to the strange man and the girls who assisted him.

In no time we picked up our shopping bags and was out on the street. I was being taken for something to eat and drink and I was starving.

Sheila led me into a Wimpy Bar and in no time I was chomping into a Wimpy and chips.
It was strange, I was very conscious of my hair as it moved slightly on my brow and around my ears. Then there was the slight pain of my abused earlobes, reminding me of the torture that I had endured. Finally, as I picked away at my food, the nails kept catching my attention. To say that all this felt alien to me, could be something of an understatement. Here I was dressed like a girl and looking like a girl; was I getting to like it?

‘A penny for your thoughts?’

I looked up at Sheila as she drank her cup of tea. She was looking at me and seemed a bit amused.

‘Sorry?’

She put her cup down onto the saucer and took a drag from her cigarette.

‘ I said a penny for your thoughts. You looked miles away there.’

I shrugged.

‘Come on, tell Auntie Sheila.’

‘I…I don’t know. I think I…I mean I might not be Mark any more, the way I look.’

‘You think you might not be Mark if you dress as a girl?’

‘Yes. I don’t want to like being Stephanie cos it means that Mum and Dad wouldn’t know me. They brought up a boy and look at me now.’

‘Do you like the way you look now?’

‘No…yes…I don’t know.’

‘Don’t worry about what you Mum and Dad would think. It doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside. It’s inside, where the heart is, that’s the important thing. I think that they would be proud of you; the way that you’ve been since you lost them. I think your parents would love you no matter how you turned out because you were lovely as a boy and your as equally lovely as a girl.’

I finished my meal in silence, digesting my food and the knowledge that perhaps Sheila was right. I should accept the situation for now and let the future look after itself.
After we finished, Sheila looked at her watch.

‘Time to go; we have to be back for the Governors inspection.’

We left in a hurry and after an uneventful bus ride we were back at the Home. As we walked in, I wondered if I might be found out as being a boy not a girl or if the inspection people already knew all about me.

To be continued...

Puuleaaase leave comments, ta very muchlie....

Sheila shooed me off to the lounge where the other girls were watching TV. Blue Peter was on and Valerie Singleton was doing something with sticky back plastic.

 

Orphan 13
by
Susan Brown

 
Orphan 13

The first thing that I noticed was that were two strange cars in the drive. One was a ropey old Mini and the other car was a brand new Mark 3 Cortina GXL no less. I hadn’t seen one of these before. It was bright yellow with a black vinyl roof. It was brilliant and nearly took my mind off things as I walked through the doors and into the Home.

Sheila shooed me off to the lounge where the other girls were watching TV. Blue Peter was on and Valerie Singleton was doing something with sticky back plastic.

As I walked in all heads swivelled around and I got several wolf whistles.

Tracy, never backward at being forward just had to say it...

‘Who’s the hot looking chick then?’

I could feel myself go all red. I had several shopping bags in my hands, the product of Sheila’s shopping spree and I plonked them down and then sank heavily into an old armchair. The girls gathered around making appreciative comments about what I had done at the salon. My ears were aching a bit from being pierced and I was to say the least worn out with trying to be a girl.

In seconds, like a swarm of locusts the girls grabbed the shopping bags and emptied them out.

‘Wow, this is nice!’

‘Cool, or what?’

‘I couldn’t fit in this!’

‘Can I borrow this skirt?’

‘I like the colour.’

It all sort of went over my head. I had my eyes closed, thinking that if they thought I was asleep they might not…

Suddenly I was yanked out of my comfy chair and rushed up to the dorm. It appeared that I had to do a sort of fashion show. That could be a problem, as I didn’t want to flash my flesh to all and sundry as they might see my added extras!

Tracy saw the problem immediately and said. ‘Hang on, Steph is a bit shy of changing in public…’

‘What for?’ said Paula. ‘There’s nothing she has that we haven’t.’

‘Shut it Paula. We don’t all let it hang out like you do.’

‘Ooh you cow!’

That started it. I think that it was Tracy who threw the first pillow and then everyone joined in. Not wanting to be out of place, I clonked one on Paula’s face and she returned the favour. There was a lot of shouting and screaming and suddenly, through the din we heard a whistle. Everything stopped. It was as though there were several statues, heavy breathing ones, but you get the drift. We all stood there, panting; it was so quiet, I could hear my heart beat thumping away some where in my manly…erm girly like chest.

‘What is going on here?’

It was the Matron and she didn’t sound very happy.

‘Unfreeze,’ she said in a tone that would chill hot porridge.

We all relaxed a bit and looked around. Apart from the Matron, there was Sheila and Miss Cathcart with a look on her face like she had trodden in some doggy doo. Then there was a lady in a tweed suit, she looked more male than I was in my boy guise, she had a mole on her chin and I noticed that there some tufts of hair sticking out of it like sparse black grass on a hill or mound. I was fascinated by her mole and couldn’t take my eyes off it. I was shaken out of it by the Matron’s next words.

‘Well, what is going on; is anyone going to tell me?’

‘Sorry Matron; things got carried away.’ Said a contrite Tina.

‘’You all know full well that pillow fights aren’t allowed. They ruin good pillows and we haven’t got money to fling around buying new ones. Now get this room tidied up and then I want you all downstairs in the lounge; you have ten minutes.’

With that she swept out followed by all the others. The mole lady had a final look around and then her eyes met mine. She frowned then shook her head and smiled at me.

I smiled back. For a minute there I thought that she knew my secret, but no, I think I was safe. The lady followed the others out leaving us to tidy up.

‘Don’t worry,’ said Rachel. ‘Matrons bark is much worse than her bite.’

Nevertheless, we tidied up in quick time. At least I got out of the fashion show!

In nine minutes flat, we were in the lounge. Apart from the adults that we had seen upstairs, there was a man sitting at a table reading some papers. He was about thirty I suppose. He looked quite tall, even though he was sitting down as his long legs were stretched out before him. He had a smart suit shirt and tie on and looked like an advert for Burtons Menswear.

‘I bet he owns the Cortina,’ I thought, ‘and mole lady has the mini.’

‘Right girls,’ said Matron, ‘find yourselves a seat and settle down. We all milled around a bit like doing musical chairs. I found myself on the sofa squashed between Rachel and Tina. Tracy managed to get in the deep leather armchair and was looking smug about it.

‘Right girls, as you know, the governors have an occasional inspection. They like to see that everything is going ticketyboo; they have been here a few hours and are fairly happy with how things are. However, they wanted to have a quiet chat with a few of you, in private so they can gauge how you like or don’t like things around here. So Mr Jameson here, who some of you may know is the chairman of the board, will pick two of you to speak to; Mr Jameson?’

He got to his feet and smiled.

‘Hello girls, I here you were in a pillow fight. I remember those from my boarding school; happy days; anyway enough of that, lets see, can we speak to you and you.’

The first you was Paula and, you guessed it, the second one was me!

I looked at the matron who looked none too happy.

‘Erm, Mr Jameson, Stephanie has only just joined us, so she isn’t used to how we erm, do things. Would you like to pick someone else?’

‘No, that’s fine; her first impressions will be a good thing to talk about; we will see, erm?’

He looked at Paula.

‘Paula.’

‘Yes, Paula first and then Stephanie; OK?’

‘Fine,’ said Matron in a voice that clearly sounded as if it wasn’t.

Mr Jameson and the mole lady left with Paula and Matron came over to me.

‘Can I have a quiet word, Stephanie?’

I got up and followed her out of the lounge and into her office.

‘Sit down dear.’

I sat down on a hard wooden chair, wincing slightly as again I forgot to sweep my hand under my dress as I sat down and had a shock on my bum from the cold. Luckily, Matron didn’t seem to notice.

She sat down on her chair behind the desk and then looked at me, a slight smile playing on her lips.

‘I like your hair and everything. It makes you look more of a girl than some of the others here.’

I think I blushed as I could feel my face go red.

‘Thanks.’ I said, not really knowing why I was thankful.

‘’That’s OK dear. Now Mr Jameson and Miss Phipps are going to ask you questions. Erm…how can I put this…I don’t want you to lie, but I don’t think that it would help your current delicate situation if they are made aware of your, shall we say unique situation.’

‘Will I get into trouble if they find out?’

‘No, but if they do find out, you will have to leave here and probably go to a different area to be looked after. Do you want that?’

I looked at her and shook my head.

She rubbed the bridge of her nose and sighed a bit.

‘Look Stephanie; I know that this is a very strange situation that we have here and the council have put us all right in the doo doo, but I have spoken to Sheila and she has told me how you feel. You told her that you want to stay here, is that right and are you sure about this, because if you are not, I will tell the governors that you are not feeling very well and when they go, I will get you transferred out of here…as a boy and you wont have to pretend any more; so you decide.’

I thought a bit about it, running stuff through my head.

‘Matron, if I stay, you all might get into trouble. Why are you doing this; why don’t you just send me away?’

‘We aren’t all ogres you know. Everyone who works here does it because we love looking after kids who have had a rough time. With government cut backs and everything, the council can’t always help the most needy people as well as they should. You have suffered a lot, you lost your parents and then had to come here and pretend to be someone else. If you want to stay for a while until you feel that you are able to move on, then I am willing to take a risk and so is everyone else who works here.’

‘Does that mean all the staff know about me?’

‘Yes, I thought it wise to let all the staff know because if there is any trouble, we can nip it in the bud. Everyone likes you and doesn’t want to see you hurt, so if you have any problems, see one of us, OK.’

‘Yes Matron.’

‘You haven’t answered my question, do you really want to stay and are you happy acting as a girl while you are here?’

I looked down at my pretty dress; my hair gently brushing my face at I took in my polished nails. Somehow, strangely, it felt OK.

I looked up at Matron and said, ‘I would like to stay, if I can but if I am asked about if I am a boy or girl, I won’t lie.’

‘ I agree, if they do find out, then we will sort it. If any of the girls find out, you may have to go anyway, but we will cross that bridge, if and when. Now is there anything else you want to say?’

Recalling that there is one girl who knew about me, made me feel a bit uncomfortable, but I felt in my bones that Tracy wouldn’t do anything nasty and didn’t think that it would help if I told Matron about it.

I hesitated and then looked up at her. She had a kind face. Her smile was a bit like my mum’s. I felt that I could trust her and I needed someone I could trust.

‘Matron?’

‘Yes dear?’

‘I…I think I like being a girl.’

‘But you’ve only been dressing like one for a few days.’

‘I know, but it just feels right…I don’t know why.’

‘OK, we haven’t time to speak about this now, but when the governors have gone, we will have a chat again; OK?’

‘Yes.’

‘And don’t worry, if you have feelings like this and it’s not just a passing whim, I will do all I can to help you, OK?’

‘OK.’

‘Now pop back into the lounge and wait there to be called.’

‘Thanks Matron.’

‘That’s all right, now shove off.’

I shoved.

To be continued...

This is written in free form so there are probably tons of mistakes...never mind no one's perfect!

Puuleaaase leave comments, ta very muchlie....

I looked down at my dress and brushed off the imaginary dust.

Gulping twice, I knocked on the door. Hearing the muffled ‘Come in,’ I opened the door and entered.

 
Orphan 14

by Susan Brown

 

I looked down at my dress and brushed off the imaginary dust.

Gulping twice, I knocked on the door. Hearing the muffled ‘Come in,’ I opened the door and entered.

In front of me, seated around the desk, was the Matron, Mr Jameson and Miss Mole lady…I mean Phipps.

‘Sit down, dear,’ said Matron.

I remembered to adjust the skirt of my dress as I sat down and saw that Matron was pleased with that. I was somewhat surprised that she was there but assumed that she was present to try to cover any bloopers that I got myself into.

Mr Jameson coughed, looked at some papers on the desk, looked up and smiled at me.

‘Now Stephanie, there’s nothing to worry about. We just want to ask you a few questions. Is that OK?’

I nodded.

‘Right, how do you like it here?’

‘It… it’s very nice.’

‘And are you treated well?’

‘Yes, everyone has been good to me.’

Miss Phipps then asked me a question.

‘Do you fit in with the other girls?’

‘Sorry?’

‘I mean do you play with them and have you made any friends yet?’

I stared at her mole as if I expected something to burst out of it. Dragging my eyes away, I looked at her hair and tried to answer her.

‘Erm…yes, I have made some friends,’

She smiled, ‘that’s good. It can be lonely without friends.’

Then it was Mr Jameson’s turn again.

‘Do you like the food?’

‘Sometimes.’

‘What don’t you like?’

‘ Well I like it that everything is with chips and baked beans, but semolina and prunes…I mean I don’t mind semolina but I hate prunes, it’s like when they put a prune in the semolina, it reminds me of a big mol…I mean a big erm crinkly lumpy thing that isn’t very nice.’

I am sure that I went red in the face and stared closely at my bare knees.

‘Stephanie?’

I looked up at Matron who was trying desperately not to smile.

‘Have you any questions to ask the governors?’

‘No thank you.’

‘Well I’m glad that you are happy here,’ said Miss Phipps, ‘Matron, has anyone enquired if Stephanie could be up for adoption yet?’

Matron looked a bit confused and then said, ‘No…not yet, she hasn’t been here long enough.’

‘Well a lovely sweet girl like this will be snapped up, I should think. Would you like to be adopted, Stephanie?’

‘I…I don’t know, I’ve just lost me parents and I don’t think…’

‘Yes, but if you had parents again, you would be happy again wouldn’t…’

‘I miss my Mum and Dad’ I said on the point of snivelling.

‘Quite right.’ Interrupted Mr Jameson, looking at Miss Phipps in a strange way, ‘time enough for that in a few months, eh?’

I nodded, sniffing, not knowing what to say.

‘We like to think that all the girls are happy here. If you have any problems, you should talk to Matron here. If she cannot help, we are always available to assist in any way we can.’

He looked through his papers again.

‘One thing Matron, I can’t find any details of Stephanie here?

‘Well. You know the council and paperwork, probably on it’s way shortly.’

‘Of course; well Stephanie, ‘said Mr Jameson, ‘thanks for the little chat. I suppose that you will be starting at the school on Monday?’

I looked enquiringly at Matron, who frowned and then said, ‘Of course, she should start then,’

‘Have you spoken to the Head Mistress yet?’

‘No, not yet; she wasn’t available earlier. I will phone her after you have gone.’

‘That’s good. OK Stephanie, run along and we’ll see what we can do about the prunes.’

They all smiled as I got up and left the room. I shut the door behind me, gave a big sigh and leaned against the door.

‘That was hard work,’ I thought, ‘don’t like the idea if school, though; what if I’m caught and what about PE and stuff? I can’t be seen undressing in front of everyone and what about me seeing girls undressing. I don’t like the idea of new parents either. Why do I want new parents anyway?’

I went upstairs to the dorm and sat on the bed. The room was empty and I wanted to think.

I picked up Teddy and looked into his eyes. I was jealous of him. He didn’t have to pretend to be something or someone different. He didn’t have to wear clothes that made him think he was a girl teddy…he didn’t wear any clothes, lucky thing. Hang on; does that mean Teddy could be a she? I looked closely between the legs. Nope, no sign of a willy. Then I went all red thinking about what I had just thought and put him or perhaps even her back on the pillow, made sure that his/her legs were straight and was comfy and then I got up and looked out of the window.

‘What name could I call a girl teddy,’ I pondered, ‘Tedina perhaps?’

I was distracted from my thoughts as I could see that the governors were leaving and Matron was shaking their hands, They went over to where the cars were parked and I was more than a bit surprised to see Mr Jameson getting into the Mini and Miss Phipps the flashy Cortina!

Mr Jameson drove off first, rather slowly and carefully I thought and Miss Phipps followed, her wheels spinning on the gravel of the drive as she shot off like a girl racer…fancy that!

I heard footsteps running up the stairs. Tracy burst in and ran over to my bed.

‘Well. How did it go? Was you caught out, did they find out that you are a boy? Are you in trouble, tell me then, don’t stay quiet.’

I turned away from the window.

‘They were very nice.’

‘But did they know about…you know…your erm situation?’

‘No, they just asked me a few questions about if I like it here and then they let me go…Oh they did mention that I would have to start school on Monday.’

‘Ooh, that’s heavy. Mind you it’s not a bad school, they only cane you every other day and you do get bread and water for lunch if you’ve done all your homework.’

‘WHAT!’

She giggled.

‘Got you!’

‘Tracy, don’t do that, I’m all of a quiver now.’

‘Sorry Steph; nah it’s not a bad place and once you get over wearing the hideous uniform, you should like it.’

‘What about changing in front of other girls for games…PE and stuff.’

‘Oh no need to worry about that. They have individual changing rooms and they don’t approve of public nudity for the gells.’

I sighed with relief. I was doing a lot of that. I didn’t know of my nerves could take much more and once again, I envied Teddy for his or her laidback lifestyle.

‘They did ask if I was going to be put up for adoption.’

‘Oh, they always do that, they can’t wait to be shot of you really so that they can fill up your space with a new kid. They’ve tried it on me a couple of times, but no ones nuts enough to have me. Anyway, enough of that rubbish, fancy a Pepsi and KitKat?’

My mouth started watering at the thought and I just nodded and we went downstairs to the kitchen.

In no time, I was sitting at a Formica table, sucking on a straw and watching Rachel and Phillipa knocking the hell out of a ping-pong ball whilst playing a game of table tennis on a shaky and well-worn table.

Looking at the girls laughing and talking around me, I was pleased that I was accepted by them. I just hoped that things would settle down now. Then I remembered that I had to go to school on Monday, as a girl, wearing that weird uniform and my heart sunk like a stone. Would I get away with it and what would happen if anyone found out?

To be continued...

This is written in free form so there are probably tons of mistakes...never mind no one's perfect!

Puuleaaase leave comments, ta very muchlie....

I started being taught how to be more of a girl by a persistent and aggravating Sheila, whilst the other girls went to school wearing that strange, outlandish uniform.
 
Orphan 15

by Susan Brown

 

The rest of the week passed without incident (phew I hear you say).

I started being taught how to be more of a girl by a persistent and aggravating Sheila, whilst the other girls went to school wearing that strange, outlandish uniform.

Anyway, Sheila was a bit of a task master and I soon got fed up with her voice droning on about how I should walk, talk, sit, eat my food - ya.di,ya,di,ya….

‘Stephanie, how many times do I have to tell you to put your knees together when you sit down. Do you really want everyone to see your panties! Don’t take such big mouthfuls; you eat like a boy. When you walk, take smaller steps. Your hair looks like it’s been dragged through a hedge, backwards. ; STEPHANIE, GIRLS DO NOT DO THAT!’

And so it went on until, by the weekend, I was worn to a frazzle.

On Saturday, Matron called me into her office. I wondered if I had done something wrong, but as she motioned for me to sit on the comfy leather sofa with her, I relaxed a bit - but not for long.

‘Well Stephanie, I’m glad that you’ve settled in OK and made lots of friends.’

‘Yes everyone has been nice to me.’

‘That’s good. I hear from Sheila that you a re a model pupil.’

‘She never said that to me!’

‘No,’ laughed the Matron, ‘she wouldn’t, but never the less, she is happy with you and thinks that you are a quick learner. How do you feel about acting like a girl?’

‘Sometimes it’s OK. It’s nice to fit in with the other girls and it’s great that I don’t have to act like a tough boy.’

‘Were you ever a tough boy?’

‘No, not really; at my last school I was bullied sometimes. The only way I could stop it a bit was by joking around and doing impressions of the teachers.’

‘Impressions?’

‘Yes, I can sound like some of them if I want; when I spoke like a teacher and it sounded close to the real thing, it sometimes made the bullies laugh and forget to thump me.’

‘Hmm, can you do an impression of me?’

I looked at her. She was smiling so I thought, why not.

‘Girls, Freeze! Now what is all this about? I keep telling you not to play ball in the corridor now go outside in the fresh air.’

She looked at me. Her jaw dropped and I couldn’t help but giggle at her face.

‘Is that me?’

I just nodded, feeling a bit shy all of a sudden.

She laughed out loud.

‘Well, that just takes the biscuit. You definitely have an ear, you sound as good as a female Mike Yarwood!’ *

She then realised what she said and blushed a bit.

‘Sorry, but dressed like that and behaving like a normal girl, I can’t think of you as a boy.’

‘That’s all right, dressed like this I don’t feel much like a boy.’

‘Do you want to talk about it?’

‘Not yet, if that’s OK; I’m still a bit confused.’

‘Well as I said before, my door is always open. Anyway, we need talk about something else.’

‘Have I been naughty?’

‘No nothing like that; we can’t put things off; you need to go to school or we will be breaking regulations.’

‘School!’

‘Yes, I thought that we would get away with it until you were moved to a boys home, but it looks like there are not going to be any places there for quite some time. So Stephanie, we have to send you to the girls school.’

I groaned.

‘Never mind it’s not that bad. You and I have an appointment with the head mistress at 10.am on Monday, She vets all the girls and needs to approve of you before you can go to the school.

I think I looked worried.

‘It’s OK, Stephanie. I will make sure things go smoothly.’

‘Will you have to tell the head mistress about me being a boy?’

‘Yes. I can’t keep that from her. If she says that you cannot go, then we will have no alternative but to transfer you to a boys home out of the area.’

‘But I don’t want to leave,’ I said as I started snivelling like a girl.

‘Don’t worry, I will do everything I can to help you. Anyway, between you and me, I think that you will be accepted without too much trouble.’

‘Why?’

‘The head mistress is my sister.’

-*-

The weekend was nice even though I had the worry of school hanging over my head. At least I got to be around the girls a bit more. We spent the warm days playing in the large gardens or listening to music on the tranny or record player, talking about stuff that girls were interested in, you know, boys, pop stars, makeup and stuff like that.

Mind you, I got a bit embarrassed when they started talking about periods. I wasn’t the only one though as Rachel looked a bit queasy too. We were in bed at the time and lights were out. There were a few torches and whoever was telling their tale about the monthly horror had the torch shone on their face whilst telling us of their grizzly nightmare ordeal.

As usual, Tracy went over the top. I had to cover Teddy’s ears, as she was too young to hear about that sort of thing. Mind you so was I!

‘Never mind,’ I thought, ‘it must be a girl thing. You know, boys boast about how high up the wall they can pee and girls, erm…do other things.’

‘Well,’ said Tracy, her face, eerie and ghostly in the torchlight. ‘I was in bed at the Jones’s; they had fostered me for about a week, God help them. Anyway, I had just woken up and it was about eight in the morning I felt a bit damp down below and thought, “Na, I haven’t wet myself in the night, have I?” Anyway, I put my hand down below, you know, just to check and then when I pulled it out and looked at my drippingwet hand, I screamed. It was covered in blood!’

Everyone gasped at this and there was more than one, ‘yuk!’

‘Anyhoo, Mr and Mrs Jones came running in. I jumped out of bed; my jim-jams were covered in blood and the bed looked as if I had slaughtered a pig on it. Mrs Jones took one look and fainted and Mr Jones looked as if he was gong to barf up or something. I wasn’t feeling too bright myself as I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach and I wasn’t my normal cheerful self. I just told Jones boy to pull himself together and do something with his wimpy wife. Needless to say, I was back in the clutches of the authorities before you could say sanitary belt.’

Looking at Tracy, I felt that she may have gone a bit over the top with her description, but anyway, I gave her the benefit of the doubt — this time.

‘Stephanie,.’ said Paula, ‘what about you.’

‘What about me, what?’

‘How did you find your first period?’

‘Under the bed?’

Everyone laughed at my wit.

‘No, come on, tell us.’

‘Erm…I haven’t had one.’

‘Ooh you’re lucky,’ said Sharon, ‘mind you, you are still a kid, after all.’

That coming from a girl of 13!

Anyway we went to sleep after that as no one could top Tracy!

As I went to sleep with Teddy, whispering that teddies don’t have periods and not to have any nasty dreams about it; I remembered that it was Monday the next day and I had an interview with the head mistress. I shuddered a bit as I remembered something else, that flaming school uniform!

I gripped Teddy a bit tighter and tried to get some sleep.

To be continued…

*Mike Yarwood was British television's first truly successful impressionist, with his own long-running series on both the BBC and ITV.

Please leave comments as it takes Teddy’s mind off things like the above chapter. I keep telling her that periods are full stops, but she doesn’t quite believe me…

Teddy had the right idea, I could feel her half way down the bed; she was obviously hiding from the racket
 
Orphan 16

by Susan Brown

 

I dimly heard the sounds of girls making a lot of noise. Covering my head and burrowing deeper under the duvet, I hoped to shut out the intrusive noise being made by what seemed to me like thousands of shrill, laughing girls.

Teddy had the right idea, I could feel her half way down the bed; she was obviously hiding from the racket.

Suddenly my cover was torn away and there stood Rachel and Tracy, grinning like mad women. I shivered as the cold air wafted up my all too brief nylon nightie. I tried covering up but no, it wasn’t allowed.

‘Up you get, lazy, you are going with us today,’ said Rachel with I think somewhat misplaced and unnecessary relish.

‘Yea, come on lazybones, up and at em.’

Tracy’s loud voice was rather grating at this time of the morning. I just groaned, grabbed Teddy and once more tried to find salvation under the warm dark covers.

Once again, the duvet was thrown off and this time it landed on the floor.

‘Come on Steph, you mustn’t be late on your first day, if you are, the head mistress will do things to you that no mortal should be allowed to do; you have to hurry!’

I peered up at Tracy, my eyes still sticky with sleep; she wasn’t smiling and Rachel looked a bit worried too. What was the headmistress like; some sort of monster?

I reluctantly got up, put Teddy back on my pillow, lucky thing, she didn’t have to go through this. If I came back, I would either be a teddy or a pussycat, they spend hours asleep and get all the fuss when they want it.

I slipped on my dressing gown and yawning hugely, followed the others into the bathroom. I closed the door behind my cubicle and had a wash. I scrubbed behind my ears and under my fingernails. I had no idea if I was going to have some sort of inspection — you can’t be too careful.

My tummy started doing flip-flops at the thought of meeting this dragon lady called The Head Mistress. I knew that Matron was going to come with me to see her and the head mistress was her sister, but still, I was so worried that I would be found out and exposed as a boy, I was nearly weeing myself with anxiety. Then I remembered, I had gone to the loo yet, no wonder I was bursting to go.

I quickly finished drying my bits and pieces with my towel, and after putting my nightie and dressing gown back on; I hurried into the toilet, sat down and said ‘aahhh,’ as I let go.

A few minutes later, I was back in the dorm, shutting the curtains around my bed space and deciding what I should wear for my momentous meeting. I didn’t have the dreadful uniform yet, thank goodness, but I had to look reasonably good so that I didn’t disgrace myself.

I opened my closet and scratched my head. What to wear? I wasn’t very experienced at this.

‘Stephanie, are you decent?’

It was Tracy from the other side of the curtain.

‘Yes, I suppose so.’

She pulled the curtain aside a bit and then came through, closing it behind her.

‘Not dressed yet, God you’re gonna be late. The Head Mistress is very strict on lateness; so what’s up?’

‘I don’t know what to wear.’

‘Clothes.’

‘I know that, but what clothes?’

‘Come on, let the rabbit see the hole.’

She sort of shoved me out of the way and grabbed a pale blue dress, slightly darker blue cardigan, white socks, panties and black low-heeled shoes. She put them on the bed, smiled at me in that ‘I am superior at this than you,’ way and then said.’ There you are, easy when you know how.’

‘I’m not as experienced at this yet. Being a girl is very hard.’

‘I know, give it time, oh lotus blossom and I will teach you all I know.’

‘Was that an Irish accent?’

‘No, idiot, inscrutable Chinese.’

‘Oh.’

‘Now get dressed quickly or you’ll miss out on the Sugar Puffs.’

She left me to it and in no time, I was dressed and following the other girls down to breakfast. How they could walk without falling over those ridiculously long school skirts, I didn’t know. The thoughts of me wearing such outlandish stuff made me think that it might be better if I failed the dreaded interview and perhaps transported out to another school.

We sat at our usual table; all the girls were talking at once. It was nice to see that Rachel had cheered up and everyone was being nice to her.

Paula looked at me and shouted over the din, ‘you look nice, but do something with your hair, be quick you haven’t much time and the Head Mistress…’

‘I know, I know,’ I said with exasperation.

I tentatively felt my hair and with horror remembered that I hadn’t brushed it yet.

Gulping down the last of my snap-crackle and pop (Wendy had finished the Sugar Puffs, blast her!) I quickly rushed upstairs, grabbed my brush and ran it through my hair in a desperate attempt to untangle the knots. Eventually, I had straitened out the kinks and I pushed into some sort of girlie shape.

‘I need to go back to the hairdressers,’ I thought as I looked at the clock, noticed that I was running very late and ran back downstairs.

Suddenly I hit a barrier and went ‘OOOF,’ as I collided with the large soft body.

‘Stephanie, what’s’ your hurry?’

‘Erm, sorry Matron, I was running late and forget to brush my hair.’

‘Didn’t Tracy give you my message?’

‘What message?’

‘I told her last night to tell you that we are seeing the head mistress at ten o’clock.’

‘Does that mean that I didn’t need to rush?’

‘No dear, we are going in my car after the others have left.’

‘And I didn’t have to get up at the crack of dawn?’

‘No, there’s no rush. Didn’t Tracy tell you?’

‘I could murder that Tracy, getting me up all early and and and…’

Matron was laughing for some reason, I didn’t see the joke as I was thinking of the best way I could get back at Tracy and Rachel for that matter, as she was her accomplice and what about . Then there was Paula…’

‘I’ll come up for you a bit later, about half past nine, OK?’

‘Yes Matron,’ I said through gritted teeth.

She went back into her office. Apparently something was amusing her, I’m not sure what.

Just then things got louder as the door opened from the breakfast room and a posse of girls came out.

There was a rush as the girls streamed by me on the way out to the coach; which was standing outside with its engine running.

As she went past me, Tracy smiled and said, ‘got you!’

‘Just you wait, I’ll…I’ll…’

With that she was gone, closely followed by Rachel who sort of smiled apologetically and shrugged her shoulders.

‘Sorry, Steph, Tracy didn’t tell us that you wasn’t due in until later.’

‘That’s OK,.’ I said grinding my teeth,, ‘that means that I only have one person to get back at.’

She saw my face, grimaced a bit and followed the others out and onto the coach.

As I watched the coach go out of the drive, Tracy was waving at me out of the back window and blowing kisses. I swore that I would get even somehow.

Then I remembered. I was going to school today to meet the Evil One. To say that I was beginning to panic a bit would be a bit of an understatement. The day wasn’t starting very well and I was wondering if things could get any worse.

I sat on my bed, reading one of Enid Blyton’s, Mallory Towers books. It was First Term at Mallory Towers. Rachel had lent it to me and somehow, though it was a bit old fashioned, it was quite a good read, about a boarding school and the girls who live there. It was bit posh, jockey, I mean hockey sticks, ginger beer, jam and bread, midnight feasts and all that, but I liked the characters in it, especially the awful Gwedoline Mary Lacey, spoilt thing that she was and Bill, which was I think short for Wilhelmina who was boyish and I suppose a bit like Tracy.

I thought of myself as Darrell but quite why, I don’t know. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you should get a copy from the library as it was ever so spiffing!

I started suddenly as I heard a cough from the door.

‘Are you ready, Stephanie?’

I looked up and saw Matron with her coat, hat and driving gloves on. She looked like she was ready for business!

‘Yes Matron,’ I said with a sigh as I reluctantly put my book down, glanced at Teddy, who appeared sympathetic and followed her out.

As I sat in her car watching the traffic go by, I started feeling more than a little worried. Matron was trying to make me feel better, but to be honest, what she was saying was going over my head as I worried myself to a frazzle over my upcoming ordeal.

Soon, we were out into the country on a road that I had never been on before. We passed through a few pretty villages and fields that were growing corn wheat or something serially, anyway and stopped for a few minutes while some sheep and a sheep person crossed in front of us. I didn’t mind as it put off the awful moment when I had to come face to face with Her. Then, at a distance, coming up slowly, I could see at the end of long road that we had just turned into, a large Victorian building with several floors and in built in red brick. It looked a bit churchiefied or even castleyfied and had towers turrets and things. We went through the rather ornate iron gates and up the long gravel drive leading to the impressively large double front doors. I wondered if this was the type of place that Count Dracula lived and would the blood be sucked out by Her.

There were several people milling about, some of them school girls in that strange uniform, others, somewhat older, I took to be teachers or school workers.

As I got out of the car, I had to hold the skirt of my dress down, as it was a bit windy. We walked through the doors into the slightly gloomy interior of the school.

It was fairly quiet and I heard the sound of many girls singing in the distance and the tinkling of a piano.

Matron held my hand and that comforted me a bit. Looking up, I could see a very high roof with exposed beams, perhaps the place was older than Victorian, I wasn’t very good at history, great at most subjects but not that. I could feel my mind wondering but I was brought back to the present by Matron.

‘Lets go and wait outside the headmistresses office. It’s assembly at the moment; it should be finished soon.’

We went up some rather grand marble stairs and down a long corridor. The sound of our heels tapping on the floor, echoed in the space above. At the end was a door with a shiny brass plate and on the plate it said:

‘Milicent Hargreaves MA,BA(Hons),LRCM. Head Mistress

There were several wooden chairs along the wall and we sat on two of them.

‘Don’t be worried, Stephanie, Millie won’t bite your head off.’

I was strangely, not comforted by this rather graphic thought and could feel myself go a little faint at the thought of Her biting my head off!

We waited a few more minutes. It was strange how loud my heart sounded, I was surprised that Matron didn’t mention it.

A bell sounded in the distance and I could suddenly hear the sound girls laughing and talking and the tread of many clomping feet; assembly had evidently finished.

After about five minutes of this racket, it gradually got quieter. In the distance I could hear some heavy measured footsteps coming toward us. I looked up and I could see in the distance a rather imposing and large woman wearing a teacher’s gown bearing down on us like some sort of female express train.

I gulped took a deep breath and stood up with Matron. My hand sought out Matrons’ and I grabbed it for dear life as The Head Mistress came up to us. She looked grim and as she looked me up and down, I felt that her keen eyes were boring into mine and I knew, just knew that she was aware that I was not a normal girl but something quite different.

To be continued…

Please leave comments as Teddy reads all correspondence.

The head mistress looked at me and then Matron.

‘Well Connie, this is the youngster you was talking about?’

'Yes, Millie, this is Stephanie.’

I tried to smile but I think that it came out as a grimace.

‘Well, you had both better come in then.’

 
Orphan 17

by Susan Brown

 

The head mistress looked at me and then Matron.

‘Well Connie, this is the youngster you was talking about?’

‘Yes, Millie, this is Stephanie.’

I tried to smile but I think that it came out as a grimace.

‘Well, you had both better come in then.’

We followed Her into the office. She motioned us to sit down as she proceeded to take off her gown. She was wearing a rather pretty flowery dress under the austere black gown and she seemed smaller without large bulky thing on.

She sat down with a sigh and picked up the phone.

‘Hello Donna; can we have three teas please?’

She put the phone down and then looked at some papers on her desk.

‘I won’t be a moment.’

As she read, I looked around the room. It was quite large and had highly polished wooden walls; it had many shelves stuffed with books. Her desk was large too; with just an empty letter tray, a telephone, a black and white photograph in a silver frame and a large blotter; which covered a good portion of the desk.

I looked at Her as she shuffled through some papers. She had a frown on her face that made her look rather fearsome. My hand sought out Matrons and I grabbed it like a drowning person grasps a life belt or whatever they call that ring thingy on ships.

I looked at Matron and she must have seen the fear in my eyes because she just smiled reassuringly.

Just then, there was a knock on the door.

I jumped slightly as She yelled ‘COME!’

The door opened. It sounded a bit like a medieval castle door opening and I expected Lurch or someone to shuffle in, but it was only a young woman.

‘Here we are Head, I hope that you all enjoy the tea and biscuits.’

She put the tray down. It was silver and there were three cups and saucers together with a teapot and tea plates and some biscuits.

‘Thank you Donna, shut the door after you.’

The young lady looked at me and seemed to smile sympathetically; then left creaking the door behind her.

‘Right.’

She looked up at me and then, strangely she smiled!

‘Well Stephanie, how do you feel about coming to school here?’

‘I…I…I…don’t know.’

‘Why?’

‘Well. It’s all new to me and this place looks a bit frightening.’

‘Yes it would to someone who has never been here before. Now, Millie here has told me about your circumstances…’

I looked at Matron in horror. I thought that it would be a secret; now the head mistress knew everything about me. I got all hot, felt a bit sick and then I felt myself slump as everything went black…

When I woke up, I immediately saw that I was still in the head mistresses office. I was lying on a couch and a cold flannel was on my brow.

‘What…happened?’

Matron was sitting next to me on a chair and I could hear that the head mistress was on the phone to someone.

‘You fainted, dear; do you feel any better?’

‘A bit; what’s going to happen to me?’

‘You will be fine; don’t worry.’

But I DID worry. I shut my eyes. I couldn’t hear what the head mistress was saying on the phone, but just then I heard the receiver being put back on the cradle.

The head mistress came over straight away.

‘Don’t move dear, Nurse is on the way.’

I lay back down and must gone to sleep, unbelievable considering where I was and why I was here.

I woke up again to feel someone feeling my brow and holding my wrist. I opened my eyes and there, was a lady in nurses uniform… all starch cap and apron.

‘How are we feeling?’

‘OK, I think.’

‘Well you seem all right; a bit hot and bothered and your heart is racing, so calm down, have a drop of tea and if you still feel funny, let me know, OK?’

‘Thank you nurse.’

‘That’s all right honey, a sweet girl like you shouldn’t get all upset.’

With that, she smiled nicely and left me to the tender mercies of Matron and Her.

The kind nurse went over and said something to the others and then went out.

I sat up, feeling a bit better now and smoothed my dress down. My hair was in my eyes so I flicked it out of the way and glanced over to the two ladies who had their backs towards me and appeared to be whispering.

They must have heard me as they both turned round and then came over.

‘Feeling better?’ said the head mistress.

‘Yes, thank you.’

‘I’m sorry I scared you. I didn’t realise that Connie hadn’t told you that I was aware of your, shall we say unique situation.’

‘Don’t you mind about me being a boy?’

‘Well, I must admit, I had grave reservations about all this. However, Connie here explained about what has happened to you and the fact that you are unsure of yourself. I know that you don’t want to move out of the area and that there are no places for you in the boys home. Also, Connie mentioned the fact that you appear to like being a girl…’

Matron then chipped in.

‘I know that I have broken your confidence, Stephanie, but I felt that Millie needed to know exactly how you feel so that she could decide, in your best interests what should be done. Can you forgive me?’

I nodded as I could see that she did want to help me.

‘I promise that neither the head mistress or I will betray your confidence again; OK?’

I nodded again, feeling a bit like a nodding dog in the back of a car.

‘Right,’ said the head, ‘I want to ask you some questions; are you up to it?

‘Yes Miss.’

‘If you don’t want to answer or you start to get upset again, we’ll stop. Now do you like dressing as a girl?

‘Well… it’s strange, but I do.’

‘Why strange?’

‘Cos I’m a boy, I mean that I have boy bits...’ I could feel myself blush deeply.

‘And boys don’t dress as girls and girls don't have boy bits?'

‘That’s right.’

‘So you like the dressing up as a girl, but anyone can do that, do you feel like a girl?

‘I don’t know what a girl feels like.’

They both laughed at that and then Matron spoke.

‘Good point; I think we understand what you mean. What we are trying to say is; the way you feel now, do you think that you are more a girl than a boy?’

‘I don’t know. Sometimes, when I’m with the other girls, I forget that I’m a boy under all the pretty clothes. It’s like… I am more comfortable with things. I don’t need to be a big strong boy. I can cry and no one will laugh at me. I like the way I dress and look. I was bullied at my last school because I was… was a bit smaller and somehow without knowing it, I probably didn’t fit in as a normal boy, they used to call me "pretty boy".’

My eyes had started to water. I hate that, but I was confused and I wanted to fit in with the other girls and above all it seemed so right. The strange thing was that it had taken me being treated as a girl for a few short days for me to realise that I was different from other boys and that I could, maybe, find myself…as a girl.

The head mistress took my hand…how could I think that she was such an ogre when she looked at me like this — full of compassion with a tear in her eyes too!

‘Stephanie. Here’s a hanky, blow your nose and wipe your eyes. No that’s wrong wipe your eyes then blow your nose; there’s no need to cry.’

I did as I was told and it somehow made me feel better.

‘Right, let’s get down to business. You are not the first child to come here who has had gender problems. Since I have been head, there have been three children here that were brought up as boys. One was a hermaphrodite; that is someone with male and female organs. The other two were born as boys and believed that they were born in the wrong bodies. This is a semi private school that is partially funded by the state but has it’s own ways. I have sole discretionary powers to accept pupils in this school. Now, a problem could arise if other girls find out that you have boy bits and are not as you seem. It is difficult, as I have to protect all pupils, not just you, do you understand that?’

I did my nodding dog impression.

‘OK, I will accept you on condition that you see a gender specialist; she is a psychiatrist who has had a lot of experience with gender confusion. If she feels that you will fit in and not be a threat or danger to anyone here. I will accept that and offer you a place. However, I have a few conditions; firstly, we will tell a white lie to the rest of the pupils, enabling you to dress and undress in private — a minor medical condition should fit the bill — all my staff will be made aware of your situation; they were all appointed by me and I know their position on this based on the previous pupils I told you about. I can confirm that they are caring and supportive. If you need a shower, you can use the staff room one. Other than that, I think things should work out OK. If things go wrong, we will have a report from the gender specialist to back up the fact that you are the way you are due to things out of your control. If there is any flack over this, I am prepared to back you up, just as Connie here has at the home. Do you agree to all of this?’

‘I don’t want to get anyone into trouble.’

‘You won’t, but as I said before, we need to protect you and also the other pupils. I think that now we are in the 70’s we are more enlightened than ever before. Society has a long way to go, but I think that we are at least nudging it in the right direction. Now, I repeat, are you happy to be a girl at this school if we get the go ahead from the psychiatrist?’

I thought for a moment and then smiled. Perhaps things will be all right after all.

‘Yes please!’

‘Good; now I want you to follow me.’

I got up, still a bit unsteadily, but with Matrons helpful arm, I was able to follow the head mistress out.

There was nobody about as everyone was in lessons, I supposed.

We went next door to another room. It was an empty classroom.

‘Right, sit here Stephanie. I have a test for you; its not a nasty one, it just gives me some idea of your level of education. You have about half an hour. We will leave you alone; but don’t worry, as no one will disturb you.’

I looked at the questions, they were in sections; general knowledge, maths, geography, yucky history, English…lots of different questions, some were yes no answers, others multiple choice and some I had to even think of my own answers! Not a nasty one, well that was a fib if ever I heard one!

I sighed and picked up a pen. Brushing the hair out of my eyes I set too and started the test….

About 20 minutes later, I had finished.

“Not so bad,” I thought, going over the questions again, “probably got tons wrong. Ah
well, I wonder if they have a dunces class?”

It was about 15 minutes later when I heard the door open and the Head Mistress came in.

‘All finished?’

‘Yes Miss.’

‘Well done; Matron has agreed to show you around whilst I mark your paper.’

Matron then came in.

‘OK, Stephanie, lets go and explore, shall we?’

‘See you later,Millie.’

‘OK, it shouldn’t take too long to mark this, see you in about 20 minutes?’

‘Fine.’

I followed Matron as she showed me the sites.

‘This is the main hall.’

It looked like a church and said so.

‘Yes, one of the previous owners were the lord and lady of the manor. It wasn’t unusual to have a sort of in house church in those days.’

Then we saw the dining room, which was vast, with high wooden beamed ceilings. Next was the sports hall, yet another huge room, with vaulting horses, mats bars and lots of gym equipment. There were some girls and a teacher with a big shining whistle in there. Everyone was dashing around like mad in their sweaty gym kit and I felt tired just looking at them!

Next we went down a corridor with lots of doors. On each door was a subject, like 1st and 2nd year maths, or 3rd year English.

Matron stopped at a door that said 2nd year geography and peaked through the window.

‘Would you like to see what your friends are doing?’

‘Yes please,’ I said eagerly.

The window was high so I had to stand on tiptoes to see in the classroom.

I could see about 15 girls working hard at their desks. I saw Tracy and Rachel and Phillip; something was strange though.

‘Matron.’

‘Yes dear?’

Where are the horrid school uniforms, they are all wearing gingham school dresses?’

Matron laughed.

‘Come on lets go outside and see the playgrounds and I’ll explain.’

We sat on some swings in a large playground.

‘Well, Stephanie, about one hundred years ago, the rich family that owned this place moved abroad and bequeathed the house and grounds to their son. He died suddenly some years later but luckily made a will in which he turned the estate over to an old school friend as he had no wife or children of his own. The friend was a school teacher and he in turn changed building into a school.’

‘But what has this to do with the uniforms?’ I said trying to go high on a swing without showing my knickers, very hard; you try it!

‘Well I was coming to that, be patient. Well as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted…’

‘Sorry.’

‘You’re doing it again! As I was saying, the school was a great success and on his retirement the school teacher, who was by now obviously the head master, put in his will some strange codicils.’

‘Codicils?’

‘Conditions, if you like. He was very concerned that the girls of the town were getting a raw deal. It isn’t like today where girls are nearly the equal of boys; then, girls and women didn’t have the vote and had to do what the men folk said.’

‘That’s not fair!’

‘Exactly, that it why the head master decided that his school should be a girls only school and the girls would be taught stuff that before had been the province of boys only; like woodwork, metalwork, even football! However he also thought that girls should be proud of what they were and he stressed that they should be as feminine as possible and wear clothes that were fitting and right. They should be brought up as ladies and be able to fit into society.’

‘What has that got to do with the will?’

‘I was coming to that. The will stated that the objectives that he was trying to achieve must continue through the trustees and governors. Most of the things included in the will are now normal for most schools but one thing continues — that the original school uniform must always be worn out of school. Over the years, it has been watered down a bit, but all girls are required to wear the uniform going too and from school and whenever out on school trips or any other activity involving the school.’

‘Sounds daft to me,’

‘Yes, I know, it’s hideous but if we don’t keep that one tradition, the school property reverts to the state.’

‘Oh.’

‘Yes, as you say, oh. Now come on we have to go and see the head.’

As we walked back, I asked the obvious question.

‘So how come the girls wear normal uniforms in doors?’

‘They change to normal uniforms when they get here and then change back when they go home.’

‘Sounds strange.’

‘You’re telling me, we have two uniforms to wash regularly and do you know the cost of washing powder?’

We arrived back at the heads office, Matron knocked on the door.

‘COME!’

We went in and sat down in front of the desk.

‘Did you see everything you wanted to?’

‘I think so, Miss.’

‘Do you like what you see?’

‘Yes, it looks great!’

‘That’s good; now I have been looking at your test and I’m surprised.’

‘Sorry Miss, I tried really hard. I suppose I’m a dunce.’

She looked at me; mouth open and shutting like a gold fish.

‘Stephanie, she said pulling herself together, ‘what are you talking about; you have scored 98% that puts you up in the highly talented, possibly genius level. I don’t know what class to put you in, what are we going to do with you?’

To be continued…

Please leave comments as Teddy reads all correspondence.

‘No, I can’t have been that good!’

‘Yes you were dear; quite amazing. We have one or two swats here, but judging by this test, you will give them a run for their money. You must have known how intelligent you are?’

 
Orphan 18

by Susan Brown

 

‘No, I can’t have been that good!’

‘Yes you were dear; quite amazing. We have one or two swats here, but judging by this test, you will give them a run for their money. You must have known how intelligent you are?’

‘Well, yes, I suppose so; I…I.’

My eyes started watering a bit and Matron gave me a bit of a hug.

‘What’s the matter Stephanie?’

‘I am…I mean, look Miss; does anyone need to know that I’m quite bright?’

The head mistress looked at me with a frown.

‘I don’t know what you mean; why don’t you want anyone to know about you?’Matron gave me a tissue and I wiped my eyes. They were looking at me, waiting for an answer.

I took a deep breath.

‘At…at my last school I was bullied a bit. I tried to reduce it by making people laugh with my jokes and impersonations, but some kids had no sense of humour and liked hitting me anyway. When I first went there, I did very well in class and in all the tests I came at or near the top. Some kids didn’t like that and I was bullied a lot. I stopped trying to be too clever then and made sure that I made some mistakes in tests and I stopped putting my hand up in class.’

‘Did it help?’ said Matron.

‘A bit, but not always.’

‘So you hid your light under a bushel?’

‘I suppose.’

I was looking down; I didn’t want to see their faces. I was ashamed that I had been bullied and had not stuck up for myself. I know I was small for my age and not too strong, but boys should be strong and stick up for themselves. I lost count the amount of times I cried myself to sleep, thinking about what I should have done to the bullies, but was too cowardly and weedy to do anything.

Once again I felt some arms around my shoulders as I started to cry again.

‘Don’t worry honey,’ whispered Matron, ‘nothing like that will happen here.’

I looked up and tried to smile at her, but it was a feeble effort. I noticed that the head mistress had left the room; I didn’t know why. Matron was talking and I was trying to take in what she was saying.

‘…don’t need to worry about bullying here. The teachers and staff keep a careful eye on things and there are prefects and monitors who have authority to deal harshly with any offenders. Remember too that you have all the girls from the home, who are your friends and they won’t ever allow you to get hurt. Pupils are encouraged to tell teachers if someone is getting hurt in any way. It’s been a long time since a bully has been allowed to prosper in this school.’

Just then, the head mistress came in; she had a glass of orange squash, which she handed to me.

‘Drink this,’ she said with a smile.

I took the glass and sipped the drink. The headmistress went back to her seat and Matron sat down beside me.

‘Do you feel a bit better?’ Said Matron.

‘Yes, thank you.’

‘Good; now I’m sure that Matron has explained our bullying policy here; does that ease your mind a bit?’

‘Yes, Miss.’

‘Good; now as far as your education goes, the only time that I or any of my staff would be annoyed with you would be if you do not try 100%; is that clear?’

‘Yes, Miss.’

‘That’s good. Well as far as my saying to you, what will we do with you; luckily, we have a few advanced classes and streams for gifted children, just like we have a few for those children who struggle a bit. I am hoping that we can stretch your mind in those classes, but if not, we will find another way; that’s my problem not yours. You should be proud that you are intelligent. We have sent many girls on to university from here and everyone, including the pupils are proud of our record. Now, I see that it’s time for me to have a staff meeting, so unless you have any further questions, we will see you tomorrow, in uniform; okay?’

‘Yes Miss.’

‘Connie, will you sort out the uniforms and stuff?’

‘Yes, Millie, we’ll see you tomorrow.’

With that, the head mistress grabbed her gown and swept out.

We went to the school uniform shop and after trying on countless items from the dreaded cape to plimsolls, I soon found myself back in the car. I swear that the boot of the car sagged, as it was now full of uniforms and other clothes deemed necessary for a young girl starting at the school for the first time.

We arrived back at the home and Matron helped me to take my new stuff to the dormatory.

After dumping the clothes on the bed, Matron gave me a hug.

‘Wasn’t so bad, after all, was it?’

‘No Matron.’

‘It’s a good school, I think that you will enjoy going there and it sounds a million miles away from your previous one.’

‘I hope so.’

‘Are you still worried?’

‘Yes’ I am a bit. What if I’m found out?’

‘We’ll cross that bridge if and when; remember, the school has some experience of this. I think things will work out fine.’

‘Yes Matron.’

‘One thing though, Stephanie; you seemed surprised that you had such a good score on the test; you must have known how well you did by the answers that you gave.’

‘After making sure that I didn’t appear too clever at my old school, I kind of got into the habit of putting myself down. I thought that my answers were correct, but as my self confidence is very low, I didn’t expect to do so well.’

‘I surprised that you didn’t “cheat” by putting the wrong answers anyway, so you wouldn’t stand out from the other girls.’

‘Oh, I couldn’t do that?’

‘Why?’

‘Because you trusted me to do my best.’

‘Oh Stephanie; you are a little sweetie!’

I went all red for some reason as Matron hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

‘Now, I have things to do. Put the clothes away in your closet and then you can do what you want today. Make the most of your last day of freedom!’
I did as I was told and soon my clothes were put away. I spent some time reading, cuddling my Teddy, listening to the transistor radio and walking in the garden. It was very quiet without the girls about and I got a bit bored. Sheila saw me looking a bit lost and forlorn.

‘Well; what’s up with you?’

‘I’m okay, just a bit bored.’

‘No Tracy to get you into trouble?’

I laughed, ‘something like that.’

‘Fancy a game of tennis?’

‘Pardon?’

‘Do you want a game of tennis?’

‘I can’t play and anyway, where is there a court?’

We have a block membership at the local club around the corner. They are a bit posh, but they do allow people like what we are in there as long as we are clean and watch our P’s and Q’S.

‘But I can’t play.’

‘You can learn; they have tennis as one of the sports at school. It’s lots of fun and you might get to like it.’

‘I haven’t got a bat.’

‘It’s a racquet, silly; you can borrow one of mine. You have tennis whites in the clothes you brought back from school. Lets see if we can find them.’

She went over to my chest of drawers and had a rummage. To be honest, I didn’t look too closely at the frilly stuff that I stuffed in the drawers, but Sheila soon found what she was looking for and put the clothes in a bag. She then got out a short white dress from the wardrobe, I wondered what that was for when I put it away earlier; I thought that it looked miles too short and had been given to me by mistake. Anyway, that went into the bag. Finally, she picked up my plimsolls and put them in a cloth bag with drawstrings and handed the lot to me.

‘Come on, I’ll grab my stuff on the way out.’

Ten minutes later, we arrived at the Milchingham Lawn Tennis Club. It did look posh, the clubhouse being like a sort of a small manor house with several lawn tennis courts and other ones that looked like red gravel surrounding it. People rushing about chasing white balls occupied some of the courts and it all seemed a bit hectic to me.

We went inside the cool, slightly dark confines of the building and walked over to a desk, behind which stood a lady who looked as if butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.

She looked at us, gave a slightly frosty smile and said, ‘May I help you?’

‘Yes, have you any courts free?’

She looked us up and down as if we were something that cat dragged in.

‘Are you members?’ She asked, her voice sounding like she couldn’t believe it but her duty was to ask anyway.

‘Yes, our home has a block membership.’

‘Oh, you are from the home then?’

‘That’s right.’

She sniffed and didn’t appear that impressed.

‘Hmm; you can have one of the outside gravel courts, number 17 for one hour.’

‘You are so kind,’ said Sheila with slight sarcasm in her voice that seemed to wash over the lady.

‘You are welcome,’ she said in a voice that really meant the opposite.

We picked up our bags and went over to a heavy wooden door with a brass plaque on it that said “LADIES CHANGING ROOM” and in smaller letters below,”Please remove shoes before entering”.

We took our shoes off, walked in and sat on some benches. The place was empty apart from a young girl about my age in the corner lacing up her pure white plimsolls.

I was a bit worried, as I didn’t want her to see me undress and I sort of lingered a bit, rummaged about in my bag and then started to pull the clothes out, slowly.

The girl finished what she was doing and with a glance down her nose at us, and a sniff reminiscent of the lady we had just encountered, she left the room.

‘Are you sure we should be here?’ I said, a bit worried.

‘Yes, of course; we have as much right to be here as anyone else. Now do you want to go into a changing cubicle to change?’

‘Yes please.’

‘Okay, they are over there.’ She said pointing over to the side of the room where there were several doors.

I went over and pushed one of the doors open. I shut the door behind in and sat on the wooden bench. I took off my clothes and hung them on some hooks on the wall and then started to dress in my whites. I didn’t much like the frilly white pants but with a sigh, I put them in. I then struggled into the tennis dress. I found it hard to pull up the zip and nearly dislocated several bones trying to do up the zip behind my back. I frowned as I realised that the skirt barely covered my bum! The ankle socks were fringed with lace and were rather nice, though. Finally, I slipped on the plimsolls and I was finished.

I unlocked the door and went out into the main area. Sheila was waiting for me and looked very pretty in her tennis outfit.

‘Well, Steph, you certainly look the part; very Virginia Wade, shall we go out and smash a few tennis balls at each other?’

‘Okay, but go easy on me.’

Sheila handed me a racquet and we went out into the warm sunlight. I was very conscious of the thin short dress and the fact that my frilly knickers could be seen by anyone who cared to look. Luckily, my boy bits, being still quite small, were not noticeable, bulge wise and at least I didn’t have that embarrassment to contend with.

We passed several courts with people playing tennis, mostly adults but one or two kids were there, including the snooty one from the changing room. She was playing with the confidence of a tennis player who held a racquet before she was given a dummy.

I sighed as we arrived out our court, the furthest away from the building, I might add. Perhaps we weren’t good enough for the grass ones (two of which were not in use) or the ones nearer to the clubhouse or whatever they called it.

Anyway, I stood on one side of the court and Sheila stood on the other and she started to lob balls at me. At first, I missed every one, but I soon got my eye in and started to hit them back at her.

I started to enjoy myself when, accidently on purpose I started to get the ball to go in other parts of the court to where Sheila was weaving and bobbing about. She started to get red in the face as I managed to start to return nearly all of her serves. We had a break then. Sheila was breathing quite hard and looked a bit red and I was feeling okay still.

We sat on a bench and wiped our faces with towels brought out for that purpose.

‘Are you sure you haven’t played before?’

‘No; why?’

‘Because you have a great eye for the ball and had me going there.’

‘Sorry.’

‘Don’t apologise, it’s good to see. When you learn the rules, you will make a great player. I will speak to the tennis pro and see if we can get you some lessons, what with that and playing at school, you will soon be able to beat a lot of kids here.’

I thought of the snooty kid that gave me nasty scares and smiled slightly. Perhaps I could wipe that smile off her face?

Just then I looked up and the nasty, stuck up, snooty girl I was thinking about was standing there, in the flesh and staring down at me. She was sort of smiling in a predatory way, like a tiger about to have a little snack. She licked her lips and then spoke.

‘Hello, I’m Tasmin, would you like a game?’

To be continued…

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Just then I looked up and that nasty, stuck up, snooty girl I was thinking about was standing there, in the flesh and staring down at me.

 

Orphan 19

by Susan Brown

<

 

Just then I looked up and that nasty, stuck up, snooty girl I was thinking about was standing there, in the flesh and staring down at me. She was sort of smiling in a predatory way, like a tiger about to have a little snack. She licked her lips and then spoke.

‘Hello, I’m Tasmin, would you like a game?’

******************************************************************************************************************

‘I’m sorry, were you speaking to me?’

‘Yes, as I say, I’m Tasmin and I wanted to know if you want a game with a real player.’

She was looking at Sheila, who looked uncomfortable. Sheila was nice to me and I liked her a lot.

‘Thank you Tamsin, I don’t think so.’

‘The name is Tasmin; look, you are new here and it’s obvious that you need to play someone a bit better than erm, this lady. I could help you. I know lots of people here, in fact, though I say so myself, I’m the best under 13 in the club.’

Looking at her arrogant, stuck up face, I felt a cold anger build up inside.

‘Thank you for the offer Tamsin, but I prefer to play with people who I like, and I don’t like you. I’ve only just started playing and you probably thought you could wipe the floor with me and make me look small in front of your friends; sorry, not interested.’

‘The name is TASMIN!’ she said stomping off with a look on her face that would curdle milk.

‘Well, that was interesting.’ said Sheila.

‘Why?’

‘Tamsin, I mean Tasmin is the daughter of the club chairman, she normally gets her way and is a spoilt brat. She has a group of girls that hang on her every word and who think that they are a cut above everyone else; she could make your life difficult.’

‘More difficult than now? Here I am, a boy that wears girls clothes and weird enough to like it, living in a girls home because my Mum and Dad died; having to pretend all the time that I’m normal, when I’m not and you think that little creep worries me? No way!’

‘That’s the spirit; anyway, after a few lessons, you will wipe the floor with her.’

‘Exactly,’ I said with a grin.

~*~

Soon we had changed and left the changing room. Sheila managed to get a shower, but I didn’t want to use the showers for obvious reasons and I smelt a bit pongy; nothing a good spray of B.O stuff wouldn’t hide, hopefully.

As we walked out, I noticed Tasmin, standing over by one of the courts with several girls; she was laughing and pointing at me.

One thing I haven’t mentioned yet, because I’m a bit ashamed, is that I have a bit of a temper. It doesn’t often happen, but sometimes I see red.

I stomped over to the group and they fell silent as I arrived.

‘Yes?’ said one of the girls.

‘Were you laughing at me?’

Tasmin spoke up.

‘What if we were?’

‘It’s not polite to laugh at people.’

‘Well, I was explaining to the girls that you didn’t take up my kind offer to help you with your tennis and we were just remarking on the fact that you are a stuck up bitch.’

‘Oh, stuck up bitch, am I; you can talk; your nose is so far up in the air, I can see up your nostrils.’

‘How dare you. I’ll tell my father to ban you!’

‘You would too; why don’t you stand up for yourself, rather than run to Daddy!’

The other girls tittered at that and Tasmin didn’t like it.

‘OK, I won’t tell my father, but are you too frightened to have a bet?’

‘What bet?’

I bet you that I could beat you at tennis and you won’t get more than one game out of a set.’

‘You’re on, but not today; I have to get home; how about Saturday morning?’

‘OK, but prepared to lose…loser!’

‘The only one to lose will be you, Tamsin; what will the winner get?’

She thought a bit and then a slow smile went across her face.

‘If you lose, you don’t come back here again and in the unlikely event that I lose, what do you want?’

‘Your tennis racquet.’

She went pale at that. I could see that her racquet was something special to her, apart from the fact that it looked quite expensive.

‘Go on Tas, you will beat her…easy.’ said one of the girls joggling her arm.

‘Alright,’ she said reluctantly, ‘I agree, but remember, you go when I win.’

‘If, Tamsin, if.’

‘My name is Tasmin!’

‘Of course it is; bye!’

‘Just be here at 8.00am,’

‘I’ll be here, don't forget your racquet.’

I walked away, leaving the girls mumbling and whispering to themselves. I walked up to the patient Sheila.

‘Everything OK, dear?’

‘Not really, I’ve challenged Tasmin to a game of tennis,’

‘Why?’

‘Because she was nasty to you and me.’

’You don’t know enough to play her yet!’

‘I know; is there anywhere I can practice away from here. I only have til Saturday.’

‘I suppose you want me to help?’

‘Did I ever tell you how lovely you look and your dress…’

‘Stop crawling; OK, I’ll help. You need to have a crash course on the rules, court positioning and stuff like that. We can use the hard courts in the park…we’ll go after school tomorrow.’

~*~

We arrived back at the Home, the other kids were at school still, so I went up to the dorm and grabbed my towel and stuff and went and had a bath.

As I lay there looking at my body, I was thinking about what the girls would think if they burst into the bathroom now; my erm willie was evident, small but evident. I sighed at that and admitted to myself that life would be much easier if I didn’t have a willie. I had visions of Tasmin coming at me with some garden shears and trying to cut it off, making me shiver at the thought and cross my legs.

Then my thoughts turned to my bet with Tasmin; I hoped that I wouldn’t make a fool of myself; let’s hope that Sheila can help me to beat the little bitch!

Finally, the water started to cool and I was getting a bit prunified, so I got out of the bath and dried myself off quickly.

I put on a clean pair of panties, my cheesecloth blouse and denim skirt and then my sling back sandals. Going over to the mirror, I wiped the moisture off and put the brush through my hair. Luckily, it was easy to deal with after my salon visit and in no time I was back to looking my girl like self again.

Looking at my reflection, I marveled at how much of a girl I looked and then I wondered how I would be as a man? Naaa, couldn’t tell. I giggled as I imagined myself covered in muscles and hair and with a deep voice. Somehow this upset me then, more than I thought it would. After all, up until recently, that was going to happen anyway.

I heard some noises outside similar to a herd of wildebeests stampeding and realized that the girls were back from school. I picked up my stuff and walked back into the dorm, which was now full of laughing and shouting kids. Tracy caught sight of me and came over.

‘Well Steph, how did you get on with the old bat?’

‘Bat?’

‘You know the head honcho.’

‘You mean the Head Mistress?’

‘Yup, that’s the one.’

‘She’s nice,’

‘You have to be kidding me. She is the worst. I know I have to see her enough.’

‘Have you ever spoken to her when you haven’t been in trouble?’

‘Well…no, but that’s beside the point.’

‘No its not…I think she’s sweet.’

‘SWEET! Yuk, yuk, yuk!’

Everyone laughed as Tracy started rolling about the floor, clutching at her throat and pretending she had been poisoned.

‘Stop it Tracy,’ said Rachel, ‘I’ll wet myself.’

I turned round so no one could see my face and said in my best Matron voice, ‘Tracy, what are you doing!’

Tracy shot up and looked around looking very guilty.

I couldn't hold back and I hooted with laughter.

‘Was that… you?’ said Tracy.

I nodded, unable to say anything as I was wheezing and laughing too much.

‘Blimey, that was close. I thought that it was really her. You’re good, can you do anyone else?’

I calmed down a bit and then smiled.

‘Tracy, I have told you before, do not run in the corridor, I want one thousand lines on my desk tomorrow, you shall write, I must not be naughty at school, now go away, you awful child.’

Everyone was looking at me in silence; then they started laughing and shouting; evidently I had gotten the Head Mistress off to a T and everyone thought it was brilliant. Then I looked at Tracy and saw that thoughtful look on her face which meant that she was up to something. I had a strange feeling that I would be involved, somehow.

To be continued...

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For some reason I couldn't sleep.

 

Orphan 20

by Susan Brown

 

We went to bed a bit later that night — we had been allowed to watch a film — Whistle down the Wind, with Hayley Mills. It was about three children on a north Lancashire farm help hide an escaped criminal who they believe is actually Jesus Christ.

It was a great film, but by the time it was finished, I was ready for my bed.

We all went up to the dorm after the film ended and I was soon changing into my nightie and brushing my teeth. I brushed my hair fifty times, as one of the women’s magazines I read said you should do that so your hair stays shiny and manageable. I don’t know if that’s true, but by the time I had finished, my arms ached a lot.

I said goodnight to the other girls and because some of them wanted to talk a bit and the bedside lights were quite bright, I pulled the curtains around my bed and slipped under the covers. Teddy was waiting for me so I gave her a kiss and cuddle, whispered goodnight and shut my eyes, holding her tightly in my arm.

Gradually the sounds grew less and the lights went out. I think that we were all tired and as everyone, including me (gulp), had to go to school the next day, the room soon got quiet and all I could hear was Paula, snoozing quietly across the room. I knew it was Paula as she was the only one who snored — though she swore that she never did!

For some reason I couldn't sleep. Things were going around in my mind; the tennis match with Tasmin; could I beat her and was I just being stupid even trying? The fact that I may not get on well at school. I was so worried about appearing like a freak at school, no matter what the head mistress said to the contrary. At my last school, if you were clever, then you were marked out as being someone to be picked on. I’m sure my friends here like Tracy and Rachel would look out for me, but there are plenty of places in a school where you could be cornered. Then there was the uniform, would I look like a boy dressed as a girl in that silly uniform? The teachers would know that I am a boy under the girls’ clothes, would they give me away? Did I really want to be a girl and was it wrong and sinful to want to be one?

Too many questions and not enough answers. I yawned; I really was tired; shutting my eyes, transferring Teddy to my other arm and turning over, I fell asleep…

The next morning I work up before the alarm. No one was awake; I quietly pulled the curtain back and saw that the time was twenty minutes to seven. The alarm would go off at seven o’clock and I decided to get up and dressed before the rush.

I got up and quietly opened my wardrobe, taking out my uniform, undies and wash things.

I padded over to the door and went into the bathroom. I went to my usual cubicle and took off my nightie. It was cool that morning so I had goose bumps. Quickly washing and then drying myself, I then looked at my uniform, folded on the chair. I picked up my panties and put them on and then with a deep breath and a slight shudder, I proceeded to put on the uniform.

First the white round, soft collared blouse. I had a few problems with the tiny buttons but managed to do them up after a bit of fumbling. Then I pulled on long white socks and the shiny black shoes. Finally I put on the ankle length green pinafore dress, it felt a bit heavy and uncomfortable, but the other girls managed, and I would have to get used to it.

By this time, the alarm had gone off and I could hear some signs of activity, coming from the outside.

I looked at myself in the mirror and then remembered that I had not put on the tie ribbon.

I picked up the red ribbon and tried to put it on and make it look correct and straight. I just didn’t seem to get it right. I opened the door and there was Rachel.

‘Hi Rachel, can you help me with this flaming ribbon?’

‘Sure, hang on a minute; I’ll see you at your bed.’

‘OK.’

I walked over to my bed, very conscious of my long dress and sat down, smoothing it under me as I did so. Kids were coming in and out in various stages of undress and it was a bit hectic to say the least. I did wonder why so few girls could make that much noise, but then shrugged my shoulders thinking that I was as bad as them sometimes.

Rachel came into the room, dressed as I was but with her tie on and looking as it should.

‘Right, lets get you sorted; we have to be quick, its breakfast soon and you know what Cook is like if her eggs go cold!’

She picked up the ribbon and then pulled my collar up.

‘Right, look in your mirror as I do this and then you can see how it’s done.’

‘She expertly tied the bow up and I could see where I went wrong.

‘Right, you try it.’

I undid the ribbon and then re tied it and then did it again. On the second attempt, it was okay. We didn’t have any more time as it we had to get down to breakfast.

‘Come on you two,’ said Tracy, ‘ if we don’t get down soon, Nicola will pinch all the sausages!’

As I sat eating my breakfast, I was quieter than the other girls and I didn’t seem to have much of an appetite.

‘You okay?’ said Paula in my ear.

‘Yes, just a bit nervous about today.’

‘Don’t be; it’s a nice school, most of the kids are great and we just bounce the head of anyone who is nasty. The teachers aren’t too bad either; I think that you’ll love it.’

‘I hope so,’ I said without much hope.

After breakfast, we brushed our teeth and picked up our bags. Soon, after putting on the cape and school hat, we were on the bus heading towards the first day at my new school.

As we arrived and went through the school gates, there were what appeared to be hundreds of girls milling about and waiting to go in.

As I got off the bus, I felt incredibly shy and worried. I waited for someone to point at me and scream ‘BOY!’ but it didn’t happen. Yes, I got a few curious glances but more, ‘oh there’s a new girl,’ rather than,’ what’s that boy doing there dressed like us!’

We filed into the school when the bell went. It was quite hot waiting to go into the school; the clothes were more suited to the winter and I was more than a little sticky as we finally got moving.

I said goodbye to my friends and went to the office. Before I left them, they all gave me a hug, which was nice and Tracy whispered, ‘See you later and good luck.’

It was so nice to have people look out for me and with a lump in the throat, I knocked on the office door.

‘Come in,’

I walked in and there was a lady that I hadn’t seen before behind a desk typing furiously on a big old fashioned typewriter.

She stopped and said, ‘blast!’ she pulled out the sheet of paper and tossed it in the bin, ‘I’ve told them time and time again that we need a new typewriter, this thing keeps jamming!’

Looking up she smiled and said, ‘you look like a new girl.’

‘Yes Miss.’

‘And you are?’

‘Pardon?’

‘What’s your name, dear?’

‘Stephanie.’

‘That’s a nice name, my sisters youngest is a Stephanie. My name is Mrs Mills; now hang on, I’ll get your file.’

She went over to a filing cabinet and pulled it open. She sorted through some folders and found a buff coloured one and took it out.

‘Here we are; sit down for a minute and I’ll see what's’ what.’

I sat down on a wooden chair and waited. I was getting a bit hot with the long dress and cape. I was holding the hat so at least my head wasn't boiling!

‘Right, my instructions are to take you to Miss Morris who is your form mistress. She’s nice, you’ll like her All the other girls and teachers will be going into assembly so you will have to wait for about half an hour. It will give me time to show you your locker room and where you change. Come on, follow me.’

Following her out of her office, I struggled to keep up with her as she was going along at a fair old clip!

She pointed out several rooms like the toilet, kitchens, dining room and places like that she also pointed to several lines on the floor.

‘See those lines?’

‘Yes.’

White is for First years, blue for second and green for third. Okay?’

‘Yes.’

‘It gives the girls and idea where there form rooms and other year specific rooms are when they first start. The lines lead to those rooms. If you get lost, just follow the lines and other signs and you are bound to get to the room you want. You’ll get used to it in a while and then you won’t need the lines.’

‘Okay.’

As you can probably tell, I was a bit tongue tied and still very concerned that I might not ‘hit it off’ here.

Eventually, we came to a room that said, ‘1st year changing room and lockers.

I followed Mrs Mills into the room, which was large with some lockers on one side and some doors on the other. At the end was another door which just said, ‘Toilet and Showers, Please keep clean.’

Mrs Mills waked over to the lockers, checked something on a paper she was holding and then walked up to one. Being eagle eyed, I had noticed that most of the lockers had a name on them.

‘Here we are, Stephanie, this is your locker.’

She took out a key from her pocket and handed it to me.

I went over to the locker and opened it. Inside was a red gingham dress on a hanger.

‘After assembly, you can change out of your formal uniform. If you are a bit shy, use one of the changing rooms over there,’ she said pointing to the doors over the other side, ‘a lot of girls do that, so you don’t need to feel self conscious. Go and change now and bring your formals back here.’

I took the dress out and went over to one of the doors; I slipped into the small room and shut the door behind me. It was a relief to take off the heavy formal uniform and when I had done so, I waited a few moments before dressing again, to help me cool off. I must have looked a sight standing there in panties, long socks and shiny black shoes!

Once I had cooled down a bit, I put on the gingham dress which went down to my knees. It was light and cool and a lot more comfortable than the other one!

I did up the four buttons at the top of the dress and then I was ready. Picking up my other uniform, I left the changing room and went over to Mrs. Mills who was waiting patiently by my locker.

‘Well dear, you look a lot more comfortable in that dress. I wish they could change rule about the formal uniform, but evidently, it’s written in stone. Hang up your other one and then we’ll go and see your form mistress.’

I did as I was asked and then closed the locker door. I could see that my name had been put on the door and it made me feel rather good, as if I belonged.

‘Before we go, you might want to brush your hair.’

There were several long mirrors dotted about the room, and I went over to one of them, opened my bag and fished out my brush. Soon my hair was in good shape again and looking at myself, I looked the same as all the others girls; no sign of Mark there at all!

As we left the changing room, I jumped slightly as I heard the sound of a bell in the distance. There was a short silence followed by a lot of hurrying footsteps and noises, getting closer.

‘Don’t worry, dear; assembly has finished and the girls are going to change prior to lessons. Watch out you might get knocked over in the rush!’

Suddenly, a herd of kids came around the corner. They were all dressed in formals and were coming our way!

To avoid being crushed, we flattened ourselves against the wall. Mrs. Mills shouted at the top of her voice ‘WALK, DON’T RUN!’

It seemed to slow them a bit and I saw a few of my friends in the melee including Tracy, who was chewing gum and Melanie who was talking animatedly to another girl.

Tracy caught sight of me and waved, mouthing, ‘see you later.’

I nodded and followed Mrs. Mills as she made a path through the mass of bodies.

Soon we were through the heaving mass and heading back the way we came. Still following a white line, we came to another door which said 1st year Form Room.

Mrs. Mills knocked on the door and we went in.

There were several rows of desks and at the front was a larger desk with a woman sitting behind it reading a book.

She looked up and smiled.

‘Hello, Rita and you must be my new girl, Stephanie.’

She stood up and I could see that she was very tall, nearly 6 feet, I would have thought.

She came over and shook my hand.

‘Hello Stephanie, welcome to the school and in particular the 1st form school room. Thanks Rita, I’ll take over from here.’

I turned around and said, ‘Thank you Mrs. Mills, you’ve been very kind.’

‘Oh you are nice. I do like politeness in a girl.’

I went a bit red and she just smiled.

‘If you need anything, just pop into the office; okay?’

I nodded and she left the room.

‘Right Stephanie; we have about five minutes before the mob arrives. I want to speak to you after registration but for now, well just find a seat for you and I’ll see you later. You are excused lessons this morning so you don’t need to worry about being anywhere, okay?’

‘Yes Miss.’

‘Good; now you can sit over there by the wall, it’s not used by anyone as the girl who used to use it has moved.’

I went to sit down as directed and I just waited for the other girls to arrive.

A bell went somewhere and then, once again I could here the sound of excited chatter and the clomping of shoes on the hard wooden floors outside. The door opened and a stream of girls came in. I recognised Tracy, Rachel and Phillipa and gave them a little wave.

Other girls looked at me with curiosity but no signs of being shocked at seeing a boy in a dress, thank goodness!

With a clattering, banging of desks and scraping of chairs, everyone eventually sat down. One of the girls, thin about my age, red hair, freckles and glasses sat down by me and said, ‘hello,’ with a smile.

‘Hello,’ I said, a bit shyly.

‘Right, quieten down you rabble before I get my ruler out and thump a few knuckles.’

As I looked around, I could se a few grins and assumed that this was a threat rather than a promise.

‘Okay; some of you may have been observant enough to notice a new girl; she is Stephanie and I would like you all to welcome her in the usual way.’

I felt myself go all red as everyone stood up and clapped me!

‘Okay, enough of that; we don’t want her to get a swollen head like Tracy, do we?’

There was general laughter at that and a smiling scowl from Tracy.

‘Okay, let’s do the register.’

Miss Morris went through the names of everybody and I got my elbow joggled before I remembered to say ‘here.’ Believe it or not, I was listening out for my boy name — Mark!

‘Right girls; a few things, I have a note from the Head. It has been noticed that some girls are not wearing their hats outside of school. You all know the rules. Anyone who doesn’t wear their hat at the appropriate time or cape for that matter, will get ten demerits. Another item; the school toilets are not for hanging around in. They are there for a purpose, use them for that. Any girl who still wants to enter the spelling competition, see me at dinner time. There are only a few spaces so to avoid disappointment, come and see me. The chess club is starting again, this term and we want to win the area championship again, so all those girls interested, put your name on the list on the notice board. Lastly, hockey; As Juliet has moved away, there is a space for a new girl in the team. Trials are to be held on Friday after school in the playing fields. That’s it; off you go to class and WALK DON’T RUN!’

Stephanie and Petra, can you wait behind, please?’

Everyone left as the girl sitting next to me said, ‘I’m Petra.’

‘Oh, hi Petra.’

‘Hi, yourself.’

Everyone left, Tracy and the other girls from the home came over before they left.

‘Hi, Pet,’ said Tracy, ‘See you at break, Steph, you to Pet.’

‘Okay,’ we both said together and giggled as Tracy said, ‘Ooh Stereo!’

When the room was quiet again, Miss Morris came over.

‘Okay, Stephanie. Petra here is going to look after you for a few days and make sure you get to the right classrooms and don’t get lost. Okay Petra?’

‘Yes Miss.’

‘I was going to let Tracy do it, because you know her already, but I don’t want you to get into trouble too soon, so I thought that Petra would be a better option.’

I smiled at that; knowing Tracy, I could imagine what she would do!

‘Petra, could you wait outside for a moment — I won’t be long.’

‘Yes Miss.’

Petra went out, pulling the door too behind her.

‘Right Stephanie, I know about your circumstances and why you are here. As the Head explained, we have had a few boys here that wanted to be girls. I must say, you look very much a girl to me. What was your boys’ name?’

‘Mark, Miss.’

‘Well, we are all here to help you to decide what you want to be, girl or boy. You are very young to decide this and anything we can do to help you to make up your mind, we will do. You will find all the teachers very supportive and if you have any problems are worries come to me, okay?’

‘Yes Miss.’

‘If I’m not around, any other teacher will help you, now lets get Petra back in, shall we?’

Petra came in and then after a few minutes explaining where we were to go, Miss Morris finished.

‘OK girls, off you go, oh Stephanie, here is your timetable.’

She handed a card to me, glancing at it I could see that it was spit up into days and periods.

We walked out of the form room. It was fairly quiet outside as everyone had gone to lessons. I could hear some singing and the tinkling of a piano coming from somewhere but other than the murmur of voices from inside the classroom, it was peaceful.

‘Right,’ said Petra, ‘Let’s go and have a sit down somewhere, shall we?’

‘Okay.’

We went outside and found a spot by the side of the hockey fields. We sat on the grass and I was careful to smooth my dress under me as sat down.

Petra looked at me; she had a sort of frown on her face.

‘Is something wrong?’

‘I don’t know. I couldn’t help hearing you talk to Miss Morris while I was waiting outside the form room; it wasn’t very clear, but I think she said you aren’t a girl, but a boy called Mark…what’s going on?’

To be continued...

Please leave comments...ta very muchly!

Petra looked at me; she had a sort of frown on her face.
‘Is something wrong?’

‘I don’t know. I couldn’t help hearing you talk to Miss Morris while I was waiting outside the form room; it wasn’t very clear, but I think she said you aren’t a girl, but a boy called Mark…what’s going on?’

 

Orphan 21

by Susan Brown

 

Previously...

Petra looked at me; she had a sort of frown on her face.
‘Is something wrong?’

‘I don’t know. I couldn’t help hearing you talk to Miss Morris while I was waiting outside the form room; it wasn’t very clear, but I think she said you aren’t a girl, but a boy called Mark…what’s going on?’
And now, on with the story...

I looked at her in horror and did the only thing I could think of — I ran away.

I ran as fast as my feet could take me. I was crying; knowing that my secret was out and that I would be taken away from my friends and my new school. Where would I be put? I was a freak. I liked being a girl and I would be made to wear boys’ clothes again and be sent away to somewhere far away from where my parents were...

I came to a fence and couldn’t run any further. Sinking to my knees, I put my hands over my face and my body was wracked with sobs.

I vaguely heard someone come up and then put their arms around me. I continued to cry; I was confused, hurt, angry and sad; all at once. Through my sobs, I could hear the person talking to me.

‘Shhh, It’s all right, don’t worry; please don’t cry!’

I gradually ran out of tears and my sobs began to lessen. I took my hands away from my face and through the tears, I realised that it was Petra holding on to me; she was crying herself and I couldn’t understand why.

She was talking to me again.

‘Don’t worry, it’s not bad, I promise; please don’t cry, I won’t hurt you, I promise.’

I moved away from her and through my grief, I could see that she was as upset as me.

‘You…you know. Abbbbout meee…’

‘Yes; I do now; please let me tell you…’

‘You…hate me.’

‘No I don’t. I please stop crying and let me tell you!’

I took some deep shuddering breaths. I didn’t realise until now how important my new friends and life had now become to me. I knew that I had begun to like being a girl and the thought of being a boy again upset me more than I could ever imagine, but the loss of my friends… no, not only friends, but new family, meant more than I could ever put into words. Yes I was still a child, but a child that had been through things that many adults had never had to go through. All these thoughts went through my mind in a flash as I looked at Petra and her tear streaked face.

‘I…I don’t understand!’

Petra looked at me and smiled.

‘Here, have my hankie.’

She passed me a small lacy handkerchief and I wiped my eyes. She was still smiling at me. Perhaps she won’t give me away?

‘Feeling better?’

‘Y…yes thanks.’

She sat back against the fence and wiped her face on her sleeve, not very ladylike, but effective.

‘Want you hankie back?’ I said.

‘No that’s all right.’

She looked at me with a strange smile on her face.

‘I’m sorry I frightened you Stephanie.’

‘I thought that you were going to tell on me.’

‘Why would I do that?’

‘Because I’m a freak.’

‘You’re no freak.’

‘I am, I’m a boy dressed up like a girl and I want to be a girl. That’s a freak.’

She looked at me sadly.

‘In that case, I’m a freak too.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I wondered why Miss Morris wanted me to look after you; now I know.’

‘Know what?’

‘Why she wanted me to help you. I’m like you.’

‘Like me!’

‘Yes; I was born a boy. My birth name was Peter.’

My eyes opened wide and I gasped as I realised what she was saying to me. No way was she a boy. She was pretty, had lovely long blond hair, her eyes were big…she just screamed girl!

‘No, you can’t be a boy!’

‘I’m not… I’m a girl. I have known since I was seven years old. My mum and dad knew too. That’s why I was sent here. Not much is known about kids like us. Evidently, there are lots of children who have a problem with who they are and there aren’t many schools around that will accept gender problem kids; it’s often brushed under the carpet and not considered a valid problem. I had several interviews with psychiatrists, not all of them accepting, and one of them, who was more helpful, knew the head mistress; she spoke to her about me and I was accepted as a student. None of the kids know about me, but all of the teachers do. That must be why Miss Morris asked me to help you.’

‘So, I’m not a freak?’

‘I don’t think so, because if you are, so am I.’

We talked for ages. She told me about how hard it was for her to be accepted originally by her parents and the love and support they gave her after they finally realised that their son was in fact their daughter.

Petra, told me about the doctors appointment she had with her G.P. where the doctor actually laughed at her and told her that she would ‘grow out of it.’ The first psychiatrist that she saw said that what she had was a sort of sickness and wanted to send her away for treatment. There were obstacles all the way from a medical community that didn’t seem to want to listen.

Her parents were made of sterner stuff and eventually found someone, a psychiatrist, who knew about children like her and was supportive and helpful. That was how she ended up at this school.

‘My God,’ said Petra,’ you would have thought, now that Neil Armstrong had walked on the moon and all the things that happened in the sixties, that people would be tolerant of us. It’s a good thing that we have this school! Anyway, how long have you known that you are a girl?’

I explained how my parents had died and the fact that I was put in the girls’ home as a temporary measure and the fact that I realised that I was a girl very early on in the deception.

‘It was a bit like a jigsaw puzzle. I was always a gentle kid and hated the rough and tumble of boys’ games. I preferred the company of girls. I was always what some of the boys called a cry baby and I never fitted in. I was bright and had to hide that in case I was bullied. When I started wearing girls’ clothes, I felt that it was right. It wasn’t only the clothes though; I fitted in with the other girls at the home. I would hate to leave my new friends and I think that they all like me too. The Head said that I have to speak to a psychiatrist to stay here and I hope that he or she understands about me…So, as I say, it’s like a jigsaw puzzle that I fit into, as a girl, not a boy, Oh, I’m not good at saying what I mean!’

She took hold of my hand.

‘I know what you’re saying and your secret’s safe with me; us girls have to stick together!’

We both giggled at that! Soon, we headed towards the girls toilets to freshen up and wash the tears away from our faces.

The other kids were still in classes, so the corridors were empty. After cleaning ourselves up, Petra showed me more of the school. I kept looking at her, trying to see signs of a boy there, but there wasn’t. She was as much of a girl as the others in the school.

‘Petra,’ I said as we walked across the playing fields.

‘Yes?’

Do, erm do I look like a girl?’

She stopped and looked me up and down.

‘Hmm…Lot’s of muscles, hair on your arms and legs, mustache and beard…no, you look like a brick layer.’

‘PETRA!’

She giggled and ran off down the hill, with me following after.

She ran out of breath, eventually…I was a stronger runner than her and after catching her, we landed in a heap by a huge old oak tree, giggling like mad.

After catching her breath, she looked at me lying on my back, looking up at the branches waving in the gentle breeze.

‘Stephanie,’

‘Yes?’

‘You look every inch a girl to me. I’m glad you’re here too. I hope we can be friends.’

I rolled over and looked at her. She seemed genuine and I needed all the friends I could get.

‘So do I.’

She was going to speak, but hesitated.

‘What?’

She looked uncomfortable.

‘Steph...Stephanie.’

‘Hmm?’

‘Will, will you come home to tea with me sometime?’

‘Me, why?’

‘It’s just…well do you mind if I tell my mum and dad about you?’

‘No…I’d get into trouble.’

‘You won’t, I promise. If…if you come to tea, an…and I tell them about you, they might be able to help you adjust…they know a lot about what we’ve been through.’

I looked at her, realising that perhaps they might be able to help me somehow…Oh I knew that Matron and the Head were trying to help and that was lovely, but Petra’s parents had been through it all with Petra and maybe, they could help me too?

I just nodded and Petra squealed and gave me a big hug. I just hoped that I wasn’t getting out of the frying pan and into the fire.

To be continued...

Please leave comments...ta very muchly!

The week went fast. I soon got used to finding my way around with the help of my friends including my new special friend, Petra.

 

Orphan 22

by Susan Brown

 

Previously…

‘Steph...Stephanie.’

‘Hmm?’

‘Will, will you come home to tea with me sometime?’

‘Me, why?’

‘It’s just…well do you mind if I tell my mum and dad about you?’

‘No…I’d get into trouble.’

‘You won’t, I promise. If…if you come to tea, an…and I tell them about you, they might be able to help you adjust…they know a lot about what we’ve been through.’

I looked at her, realising that perhaps they might be able to help me somehow…Oh I knew that Matron and the Head were trying to help and that was lovely, but Petra’s parents had been through it all with Petra and maybe, they could help me too?

I just nodded and Petra squealed and gave me a big hug. I just hoped that I wasn’t getting out of the frying pan and into the fire.

And now the story continues…

The week went fast. I soon got used to finding my way around with the help of my friends including my new special friend, Petra.

It was nice being treated as just one of the girls. None of the other teachers apart from my form teacher ever mentioned my strange status at the school and I was just treated as another girl.

That first day I will always remember with fondness. I spent the remainder of the morning being shown around by Petra. I marvelled at the fact that she was such a girl. She showed no signs at all of having any boyish ways. I just wanted to be like her. I knew that I was rough around the edges. I didn’t quite walk right or wave my arms about when I was talking — all signs of being a real girl. Petra gently reminded me of my faults.

‘Look Steph, I hope you don’t mind me telling you these things. I want you to fit in and not draw attention to yourself.’

‘I need all the help I can get!’

‘Well, considering that you haven’t been doing this long, you have been doing brill. Anyway, no one has cottoned on that you are different. Just try to remember girl not boy all the time. I’ll help all I can.’

‘Thanks Petra, you are great!

I had lunch with my friends from the home and Petra too, who was friendly with most of the girls anyway. I had the usual barrage about how I liked my first day.

I chewed on the spotted dick pudding and in between mouthfuls told everyone how the morning had gone.

‘What do you think of the Head’ said Tracy, ‘Bit of a witch?’

‘No, she’s sweet.’

‘WHAT!’ shouted the rest of the table.’

‘She is sweet; she was ever so nice to me.’

‘Blimey,’ said Paula in between making sick sounds with her throat, ‘you must be a little angel. Every time I see her she either tells me off or gives me lines like “I must not run in the corridor” 200 times - hurts your hand, you know.’

No matter what I said, the kids all agreed that she was hell on earth. All except Petra who stayed quiet on that point and I had a sneaky feeling that I knew why.

After lunch and a quick rush around the playground to kill off excess energy — I think; we were back into school and I was being taken to my first lesson by Petra.

‘Luckily, we are in the same stream, so we will be doing most of the same lessons.’

‘Are you clever then?’

‘What do you mean?’ said Petra a bit uncomfortably.

‘Sorry, I didn’t want to upset you or anything.’

‘That’s all right. I suppose, I am a bit bright. So are you, or you wouldn’t be in the Swots’ Class.’

‘Swots’ class?’

‘Yes, it’s the place that all the brainy kids go.’

‘Oh.’

‘Don’t worry; it’s not bad.’

‘But do the other kids have a go cos you’re brainy?’

‘No; a lot are relieved because they don’t have such hard lessons and not so much homework as us. If anything, they feel sorry for us.’

‘Well, that’s different from my previous school. If you were bright, the bullies got you.’

‘They don’t tolerate bullies here.’

‘What about outside school?’

‘It’s the same. Anyone, and there’s only been a few, who bullies a pupil outside school gets expelled immediately.’

‘Wow!’

‘Yep, wow!’

We went up some stairs following a stream of pupils. I was pleased that I was wearing the thin gingham dress, as the other one would have been heavy to wear around a school with loads of floors and miles of corridors!

We went up three flights of stairs and then down a short corridor, there were a few girls in front of us. One was a coloured girl with frizzy hair and a lovely chocolate complexion and the other one had long blond hair down to waist.

The door was open and we walked in; there were several tables and chairs dotted around the room. a few girls were sitting reading and others were just chatting. I didn’t see a teacher and Petra led me over to a table and we both sat down. I got a few curious glances, but nothing hostile, if anything, the girls seemed quite nice.

Just then, the teacher walked in.

‘Afternoon, girls.’

There was a chorus of ‘Good afternoon, Miss.’ as we all sat down.

The teacher glanced over to me and beckoned me forward.

With my heart in my mouth, I went over to her.

‘Right girls, this is Stephanie and she has joined us today. What do we all say?’

‘Hello Stephanie.’ said all the girls.

‘H…hello.’ I said in return.

‘Don’t worry Stephanie, this bunch won’t bite you. Go back and sit down and I’ll be over in a minute.’

‘Right girls, this afternoon, I want you to chat amongst yourselves and then an hour before home time, write a 500 word essay about whether the church should get involved in politics, using history as your example.’

The teacher came over.

‘Hello girls; Petra, would you like to join Gemma and Suzy for a while?’

‘Yes Miss.’

‘Right Stephanie; come into my office so we can have a little chat.’

I followed her into a small office at the back of the classroom. She closed the door and motioned for me to sit down.

She dragged another chair and sat beside me.

‘Right, I’m Miss Jenkins and I am in charge of this stream; you know what I mean by stream?’

‘I think so.’

‘You don’t sound that sure, so I’ll explain. What do we mean by streaming? It’s the practice in education, of placing students into different groups within a school, based on academic abilities. We find that this works very well here. We have a stream for those girls that struggle, others that have mixed ability and so on. You are in the stream based on your high intelligence. This doesn’t mean that you are a better person than anyone else here, it just means that we can maximise your abilities and the others as well by placing all of you in an environment that helps tyou to learn to be as good as you can. Is that clear to you?’

‘Yes Miss.’

‘Good. I’m betting that at your previous school, you were not very happy?’

I nodded.

‘I thought so. It’s strange that children can be so cruel. Anyone who has intelligence is often singled out for bullying, yet if they are good at sport, the opposite applies. Anyway, enough of that; you will soon get used to the way we study here. Most of the girls in this stream will pass their O levels two years earlier than the standard so we must be doing something right! If you have any worries or problems, just come and see me. I would rather help you with any educational or personal problem than see you suffer, okay?’
‘Yes Miss.’

‘Right go back and join Petra; I don’t expect an essay from you today — just watch what the others do and you’ll soon pick things up.’

‘Thank you Miss.’ I said as I left her.

By the end of the day I was quite tired, but that didn’t stop me practicing my tennis with Sheila. I was getting quite good and I had high hopes of wiping the stupid grin from Tamsin’s sorry Tasmin’s face!

‘You are doing very well,’ said a puffing Sheila. ‘I didn’t say anything before the practice as I didn’t want to spoil things, but your game with Tasmin has had to be postponed.’

‘Why!’

‘Well I was at the club this morning and it turns out that she’s got the measles.’

‘Oh blast!’

Sheila looked a bit embarrassed.

‘What’s wrong Sheila.’

‘Well…her mum gave me a note from her to give to you.’

It was a white envelope with just Stephanie written on it.

I opened it up and there was a short note.

Stephanie,

It looks like you have had a bit of a let off. But as soon as I’m well again, I am going to beat you; if you get a point off me, you will be lucky. So be ready to be beaten.

Tasmin …..not Tamsin but Tasmin and if you get my name wrong again, I’ll shove my tennis racquet down your throat!

I passed the note to Sheila.

‘Charming, she has a way with words.’

‘Perhaps I should apologise.’

‘Why!’

‘I don’t know. I did mess up her name on purpose.’

‘Look Steph, she is a stuck up bit…I mean girl;. she needs taking down a peg or two for her own good. You can beat her and wipe that continual sneer off her face. This is good, because it gives us more time to practice before playing her.’

‘I suppose so.’ I said, not really sure if I wanted to fight anyone.

Friday came and I was well into the routine at school. I was happy there. It was great being with my friends and learning without the fear of being picked on. I got really close to Petra, who I became firm friends with. Luckily she was popular with everyone including the girls’ from the home and we all went around in a sort of a gang.

At lunch time, Petra came up and dragged me away from the others. Tracy was trying to tell everyone that it wasn’t her fault that Miss Smith found a dead mouse in her desk and no one was believing her…I wonder why!

We went over to a bench and sat down.

‘Steph, I’ve been wanting to get you alone all morning. My Mum and Dad have asked you for tea and they say that you can stay for the weekend if you want to.’

I didn’t know what to say.

‘Don’t you want to come?’

‘D…Do they know abbbout me?’

‘Yes; you did say it was okay to tell them. I didn’t do wrong, did I?’

I looked at her, she seemed upset, and so I gave her a hug.

‘No, I said you could; are you sure because I’m not a real girl yet.’

‘You are as real as me; look it will be great, I promise, they really want to meat you and they think that it’s great that we have made friends.’

‘I’ll have to ask Matron.’

‘Shall we ask the secretary if we can use the phone?’

‘Okay,’

We went to the office and the secretary said that I could ring home; she left the office to give us some privacy.

After three rings the phone was answered.

‘Matron, its Stephanie.’

‘Hello, dear, anything wrong?’

‘No, it’s just that Petra wants me to go to tea at her place and stay the weekend; can I go?’

‘Erm, well it could be a problem because of you know what.’

‘They know.’

‘How?’

‘Petra told them.’

‘Why?’

‘Cos I said they could know.’

‘I don’t understand, dear.’

Petra passed me a note that she had written. It said:

Tell her to ring my parents on 423656 and they will explain.

‘Could you ring Petra’s parents on 423656 and they will explain.’

‘All right dear, I’ll ring them now. Can you wait by the phone?’

‘Okay.’

‘Bye.’

I heard a click as the phone was put down at the other end.

‘She’s ringing you’re parents.’ I said, not able to keep the worry out of my voice.

‘It will be okay, I’m sure; don’t worry.’ She gave me a hug as we waited.

The secretary came in.

Are you finished girls?’

‘My Matron is going to ring back in minute, can we wait?’

‘Yes, go and sit over there then.’

We sat down, not saying much. Petra’s hand slipped into mine as we waited…

The phone rang after about ten minutes, the longest ten minutes of my life.

‘Hello? yes, wait a moment.’

‘Stephanie, for you…I’ll be outside having a cigarette.’

‘Hello Matron?’

‘Hello Steph, I’ve spoken to Petra’s mum and dad and they seem nice. They told me in confidence about Petra and I can see why you two have become friends. It will be okay for you to stay with Petra’s family for the weekends. When you get back from school, bring Petra with you and her parents will pick you both up from here. It’s not that unusual for our girls to stay with school friends so don’t think that you are being treated in any way different from them. I’ll see you later, bye.’

‘Bye Matron, and thanks!’

I put the phone down and grinned at Petra.

‘I can come!’

After school, we were back in the heavy formal uniform and on the bus. Petra was sitting next to me and I was miles away, wondering what it would be like to be on a sleepover as a girl. Would they like me and accept me for what I am. It would be different from Petra situation. Her parents accepted her as a daughter out of love. They didn’t know or had ever met me.

What had I let myself in for?

To be continued…

Please leave comments as Teddy reads all correspondence.

As we went home in the bus, Petra told me about her home…it sounded so nice.

 

Orphan 23

by Susan Brown

 

Previously:

‘Hello Steph, I’ve spoken to Petra’s mum and dad and they seem nice. They told me in confidence about Petra and I can see why you two have become friends. It will be okay for you to stay with Petra’s family for the weekend. When you get back from school, bring Petra with you and her parents will pick you both up from here. It’s not that unusual for our girls to stay with school friends so don’t think that you are being treated in any way different from them. I’ll see you later, bye.’

‘Bye Matron and thanks!’

I put the phone down and grinned at Petra.

‘I can come!’

After school, we were back in the heavy formal uniform and on the bus. Petra was sitting next to me and I was miles away, wondering what it would be like to be on a sleepover as a girl. Would they like me and accept me for what I am. It would be different from Petra situation. Her parents accepted her as a daughter out of love. They didn’t know or had ever met me.

What had I let myself in for?

And now the story continues…

As we went home in the bus, Petra told me about her home…it sounded so nice.

‘We live on a farm, we have cows, sheep goats and pigs. We have several fields and a couple of meadows. It’s great because I get to go and feed the animals and I have a horse too!’

Listening to her, I was a bit envious. She had loving parents who understood her and accepted her. I had to hide things and pretend. Then I remembered all the friends that I now had and the support of Matron, the Head and everyone else who had kept my secret, although it would mean trouble if things came out.

‘It sounds lovely.’

‘It is. It’s so nice you can come and stay.’

‘I’m a bit worried about your mum and dad.’

‘Why?’

‘Well you know, I’m a boy under this awful dress.’

‘Yes.’ she laughed, ‘I hate the uniform too. Never mind you can change into something pretty when we get to your place. As far as worrying about Mum and Dad; they understand and know how you are fixed.’

She looked about the bus and as no one was looking at us, she came closer.

‘If you had a chance, would you go back to being a boy?’

I thought about it, not for the first time, I must admit.

‘I…I don’t know. I haven’t been like this for long. It’s all been a bit of a rush. I love wearing the clothes, but that isn’t all. I feel like I am happier like this…I can’t explain really, it feels right. Do you know what I mean?’

‘Yes, I’ve felt like this since I was very young. I suppose it’s all new and strange to you though.’

‘Yes, that’s it…strange. I… I do wonder if I’m letting my Mum and Dad down by wanting to be a girl.’

‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, I was born a boy and have grown up as a boy; if they are looking down at me now, what would they think?’ I could feel my eyes tear up a bit.

‘Don’t cry, they would want you to be happy, I’m sure.’

‘Maybe.’

‘No maybe about it; here, have a tissue.’

I wiped my eyes and calmed down a bit as Petra started to make me laugh by telling me about a problem she had with a bull once.

‘…so there I was, in the field, wearing a red cardi. I wanted to cut across the field because it was a short cut and it saved about ten minutes. Over the other side were several cows and a bigger one with long horns. He looked at me and I looked at him, then he started coming towards me. Then he started trotting and then charging at me. I never knew I could jump a Fosbury Flop so quickly; he missed my bottom by three inches, I swear!’

By this time I was crying tears of laughter and I forgot my upset of a few minutes before.

Soon, we arrived at the Home and I hurried upstairs to the dormitory.

The first thing I did was to get out of my heavy uniform. I was feeling a bit stinky and sweaty, so I had a quick shower and then put on a nice white cheesecloth blouse and short black skirt. A pair of sandals finished things off and I was ready.

I went back into the dormitory and saw that everyone had been up, got changed and gone back downstairs again. There were dresses, blouses, hats, stockings and other stuff, strewn around the room and I imagined what Matron would say if she saw the mess!

After folding my uniform and putting it away, I put a few things in my holdall. Petra had stayed downstairs with the girls and I wondered what she thought of this place that I now called home.

I didn’t know what to take as it was only for two nights but in the end, I picked up a couple of skirts and blouses, a tee shirt and jeans, a nice peach, knee length dress with cap sleeves, my pink silky nightie and finally some under things. Then I put my tooth brush, flannel and a few other things in my toilet bag and I was ready. I was just about to zip up my bag, when I noticed that Teddy looked a bit fed up, so I grabbed her and popped her in my holdall.

‘Now be a good girl in there!’ I said with mock ferocity.

In moments, I was back downstairs and in the dining room. Most of the girls were either watching TV or mucking about, as you do. I went over to Petra who was talking to Tracy and Rachel.

‘Hi, Steph,’ said Tracy, ‘I hope you enjoy funny smells.’

‘Why?’

‘Well, down on the farm, it niffs a bit.’

‘No more than under your armpits!’

‘You cow!’ said Tracy laughing and then running after me as I squealed around the room. She finally caught me in the corner and gave me some tickle torture.

‘Stop it, Tracy!’ I gasped trying to get away from her and giggling at the same time.

‘Say sorry,’

‘No,’

‘Right.’ she carried on until in the end I gave in.

‘SORRY!’

‘Sure?’

‘YES SURE, NOW, PLEASE STOP!’

She let me alone and I just stood there trying to get my breath back. Petra walked up to me.

‘Is it always this mad here?’

‘Yup.’

‘Wow.’

Just then we jumped slightly.

‘QUIET!’

Everyone stopped talking and there was Matron over by the door, looking a bit grim.

‘How many times have I told you all to keep your noise down to a roar? Now it’s not a very good impression we give visitors, is it? Now pipe down for a bit.’

She looked over to where Petra and I was standing.

‘Petra, your mum and dad are here.’

I said goodbye to everyone and picked up my holdall. Walking over to Matron, she kissed me on the cheek and whispered, ‘have a nice time, dear.’

‘Thank you, Matron.’

‘Stephanie.’

I turned around.

‘Yes Tracy.’

‘Watch out for cow pats!’

I just poked out my tongue at her and turned away.

I followed Petra out to the hall and standing there was a man and woman. They looked roughly the same age as my parents. She was wearing a nice, peach sun dress and had long blond hair; she was thin and was very pretty. I noticed that she had a nice smile on her face. The man had on jeans and a tee shirt; he was quite tall and muscular with brown hair and green eyes that looked like they laughed a lot, if you know what I mean. I instantly thought that these were nice people.

Petra ran up them and got an instant cuddle. I hung back a bit, being somewhat shy.

Petra’s dad looked up and smiled at me.

‘Hi Stephanie; ready to go?’

I nodded, temporally mute for some reason.

‘Come on then, let’s go!’

Petra put down her parents and I followed them all outside.

Petra ran back for me as I was hanging behind a bit.

‘Come on Steph.’

She grabbed my hand and we followed her parents to a car. It was a Range Rover, a bit muddy around the wheels, but other than that quite new and in good condition.

Petra’s dad got behind the wheel and Petra got in beside him. Petra’s mum looked at me.

‘Let me have your bag, dear and I’ll put it in the back. Do you want to get in?’

I nodded and opened one of the rear doors. It was a bit funny as I had to climb up a bit to get in. Not like a normal car like a Ford Escort or Cortina.

I shut the door behind me and a few seconds later, Petra’s mum got in beside me.

Soon, we were going down the drive and I was watching the scenery go by, listening to Petra talking to her parents.

‘Mum, Dad, thanks for letting Steph stay this weekend.’

‘That’s okay,’ said her dad, ‘it’s nice to see your friends. Are you looking forward to it, Stephanie?’

‘Erm…yes sir.’

‘Oh, don’t call me Sir, its Bob,’

‘And I’m Sally.’ said Petra’s mum smiling at me, ‘I do hope you enjoy yourself.’

‘Thanks, I’m sure I will!’

Soon we were out in the country and I watched the fields go by. For some reason I was quite tired and before I knew it, I was fast asleep.

The next thing I knew, I was being gently prodded awake.

‘Stephanie, we’re here.’ said Sally quietly.

I realised that I was leaning against Sally’s chest and she had her arm around my shoulders. It was very nice and strangely comforting, but very embarrassing!

‘I’m sorry!’ I said shooting up straight.

She laughed, ‘don’t worry you’re head about that dear, I didn’t mind at all.’

I rubbed my eyes and then looked out of the window.

‘Wow!’

‘Great isn’t it,’ said Petra enthusiastically.

All I could do was nod my head. The house was large, almost stately in size. The drive was huge and at the back of it and off to the side were some formal gardens with a lake and a huge fountain in the middle. There were fields everywhere and I could see cows and sheep, dotted about. To the side of the main house were some more gardens, a tennis court and what looked like a stream running away into the distance.

Petra grabbed my arm and turned to her parents.

‘Can I show Steph about?’

‘Yes,’ said Sally,’ but dinner will be ready in one hour, so you have to get back, change and be ready then. Think you can do that?’

‘Yes Mummy.’

‘Okay, you two shoot off then.’

I ran after Petra, who was whooping away and generally making enough noise to wake up some sleeping sheep, half a mile away.

She stopped and motioned me to catch up with her.

‘We haven’t much time, so I’ll just show you the nearby things today. We’ll do more tomorrow.’

She grabbed my hand and we went around the back of the house.

There were stables there with several horses in them.

She went up to the first one.

‘This is, Suzie, she’s my horse, isn’t she lovely?’

Suzie was a lovely brown colour with a white flash that went down her nose. She bumped her nose against Petra’s hand.

‘Sorry Suzie, I haven’t got any sugar this time, I’ll bring some tomorrow.’

I went up to Suzie and stroked her head. She seemed to like that. It was strange feeling a horse’s head. I hadn’t ever been that close to a horse before.

‘She likes you. Would you like to sit on her tomorrow?’

‘She a bit big.’

‘Not really. Don’t worry, she’s very gentle.’

‘Okay,’ I said a bit uncertainly.

‘Right, see you tomorrow, Suzie, I have to show Steph a few more things and we have to be quick.’

We went further around the house and eventually arrived at the back. There were more gardens; less formal and more lived in. There was a swing, a see saw, a summer house over to one side with deck chairs outside and a tree house at the end of the long lawned garden. The stream was there too, meandering its way to the side of the garden and disappearing out into the fields beyond. It was a lovely place and I liked it all straight away. It was so much to take in all at once and I felt very happy that Petra allowed me to come and stay with her and experience all this.

‘Oh bother,’ said Petra, ‘we have to go in. Mummy hates me being late for dinner. It’s the one thing she’s strict about…time keeping. Come on, we have to run!’

I ran after her as we went across the lawn, through some French doors into a sort of sitting room, out into a large hall, up some wonderfully wide stairs, along a corridor and finally and breathlessly into a nice paneled bedroom with cream walls a red carpet, nice bed and lovely fireplace.

That was all I could take in as Petra said, ‘this is your room, I’m next door. Have you brought a dress?’

‘Yes.’ I gasped.

‘Well, put it on as we have to dress for dinner. Boring, but that’s the way it is. I’ll give you a knock when we have to go down, you have twenty minutes. You might have time for a quick wash. Your bathroom is through that door.’

With that, she dashed out, leaving me to catch my breath. Next to the bed was my holdall. My clothes had been taken out and laid on the bed. I looked at the dress, luckily, it was polyester and not creased much.

Someone had propped Teddy up against a pillow on the bed and she looked quite comfortable there, as if she belonged. I had no time for a chat though, as I was going to be late if I didn’t get a move on!

I went into the bathroom and saw that my toilet bag was on a shelf. I took off my rather sweaty clothes and stepped into the bath. I then put on my rather too frilly shower cap as I had no time to wash my hair. There was a shower attachment to the taps and after fiddling about, I managed to get the shower working. After the shower, I quickly dried myself using the wonderfully soft and fluffy white towels provided and then walked back into the bedroom.

I found some clean silky panties and put them on, then the white slip followed by my dress. I liked the peach colour and the cap sleeves; it was nice, light and pretty. It was too hot for stockings, so I just slipped on my strappy sandals and I was dressed. I went back into the bathroom, wiped the steam off the mirror and brushed my hair. I carefully parted it in the middle and then brushed it until it was soft, smooth and straight. My hair, by now looked a bit less page boy and more like a slightly longer twiggy stile, still short but very feminine.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I could see a rather pretty girl and no sign of the boy I once was. I sighed, wondering if I would ever want to be a boy again. Then, there was a knock at the door.

‘Come in.’

Petra came in looking lovely. She had on a pale pink organza dress with thin spaghetti straps. It was lovely and I told her so.

‘You’re lovely too, that dress really looks nice. We had better hurry or we’ll be late!’

She took hold of my hand and we went downstairs. I couldn’t get over how big everything was; big corridors, big staircase, big hall. We eventually arrived at a… you guessed it, big set of doors, and Petra walked in. I followed with some trepidation. I couldn’t believe what I saw!

To be continued…

Please leave comments as Teddy reads all correspondence.

The room was huge! It had a high ceiling and three chandeliers. The walls had lots of paintings; some portraits, others were landscapes and few were animal ones like horses and cows...

 

Orphan 24

by Susan Brown

 

Previously...

Looking at myself in the mirror, I could see a rather pretty girl and no sign of the boy I once was. I sighed, wondering if I would ever want to be a boy again. Then there was a knock at the door.

‘Come in.’

Petra came in looking lovely. She had on a pale pink organza dress with thin spaghetti straps. It was lovely and I told her so.

‘You’re lovely too; that dress really looks nice. We had better hurry or we’ll be late!’

She took hold of my hand and we went downstairs. I couldn’t get over how big everything was; big corridors, big staircase, big hall. We eventually arrived at a… you guessed it, big set of doors and Petra walked in. I followed with some trepidation. I couldn’t believe what I saw!

And now the story continues…

The room was huge! It had a high ceiling and three chandeliers. The walls had lots of paintings; some portraits, others were landscapes and few were animal ones like horses and cows.

What really took my attention was the large long dining table, covered with a long white cloth and lots of gleaming cutlery. I think that the dining table could probably take at least 40 at a sitting but today there was only a few at the other end, seemingly about a mile away I could see Petra’s mum and dad and two toddlers that looked like twins in matching clothes and high chairs.

Bob and Sally stood up when we came in. Bob looked very smart in a dark grey suit and Sally looked radiant in a white floor length dress made of some floaty material, although this was offset slightly by the fact that she was wearing an apron that covered the front of her dress.

‘Hello girls,’ said Bob, ‘you both look very pretty.’

‘Yes Bob, they do. Come and sit down as dinner will be served in a few minutes. I apologise for wearing an apron, the twins are mucky eaters and I need some protection!’

We all laughed at that as we all sat down.

‘This is Michael and Andrea.’ said Petra, ‘both sixteen months old and almost walking.’

I waved at the twins from my seat and they both sort of flapped their little arms in reply.

Before anything else was said, some doors at the end of the room opened and two…yes I have to say it…servants came in carrying some silver dishes.

I sat, slightly open mouthed as first Petra’s Mum and then me followed by Petra was served some food. Finally, Bob had something put on his plate and then the operation was repeated twice and the servants then glided out.

Not a word was said as this was happening and when I looked at Petra, she looked at me and then gave me a long and solemn wink!

‘Shall we say prayers?’ said Bob.

I shut my eyes and bowed my head.

‘Dear Lord:

Thank you for this food.

Bless us all and keep us from harm.

Guide and direct us, through all our days.

And may we be thankful for our health and happiness.
Amen!

I opened my eyes and looked around. Everyone was smiling at each other and it made me feel all warm inside. I wasn’t very religious…with all I had been through, my beliefs had taken a bit of a knock, but that simple prayer reminded me that I shouldn’t be so self centred. I should be thankful for what I had and there’re plenty of other people a lot worse off than me!

Just then the twins started yelling a bit…sort of in stereo. I think that they were hungry.

Sally started feeding them from little bowls on the table in front of her and that seemed to quieten them down a bit.

I looked at my plate for the first time, what with everything going on, I hadn’t even noticed what was on my plate!

There were two little lamb cutlets, some new boiled potatoes, peas and baby carrots, covered in some rich dark gravy. Everyone except Sally, who was a bit busy, had started to eat, so I picked up the silver knife and fork and tucked in.

Petra looked at me and said, ‘do you like it?’

‘What?’

‘The food, silly!’

‘Yes, it’s scrummy.’

‘Our cook is Mrs McPherson, although everyone calls her Mrs Mac. She’s great.’

By now, Bob was helping Sally to feed the twins and I couldn’t help smiling as I now knew why Sally had to wear an apron and it seems that Bob should have too!

Eventually, the twins had finished and a lady in a nurse’s outfit came in and took the dirty duo away to be cleaned up and washed down. That gave Sally and Bob an opportunity to have some dinner and pay a bit of attention to me.

I was being a bit shy. I’m like that until I get to know people. They soon put me at my ease though.
‘Do you like you new school, Stephanie?’ said Sally.

‘Yes, it’s great apart from the funny uniform.’

‘It is strange, isn’t it? Mind you, it’s a good school, that’s why we sent Petra there and she loves it don’t you dear?’

‘Yes, Mummy, it’s really nice. I think that you’ll fit in well with the others, Steph.’

We spoke about what I liked and didn’t like and the fact that I found the situation a bit strange.

‘Why’s that Stephanie?’ said Bob,

‘Well…I don’t, I mean…look, everyone is so nice to me but I’m really frightened that I might be taken away and put in a boy’s home.’

‘And you don’t want that?’

‘No…I have made lots of friends, I’m at a school that looks after people that are a bit clever and the pupils don’t bully you for being different….’

‘Is that the only reason,’ said Sally gently.

I looked down at my empty plate and felt my eyes water a bit.

‘If I was moved away from this area I would be away from where my parents are buried and I couldn’t stand that and then there’s all this.’ I moved my hand up and down my body.

‘What do you…’

Sally stopped saying anything as the servants came in and cleared away the plates. Then a few minutes later, I was looking at a huge knickerbocker glory….one of Mrs Mac’s specialities.

Soon, we were all tucking in and for several minutes, I concentrated on my food and my upset went to the back of my mind.
After we had finished our meal, I thanked Sally and Bob.

‘Don’t thank us, thank Mrs Mac…why don’t you and Petra go and see her whilst we sort out the twin’s bedtime.’ said Bob smiling.

Petra grabbed my hand and we went through the door that the servants had gone through.

We went down a short passage past a hatch where Petra said the dumb waiter was. I was tempted to open the doors and look in but thought that the waiter might get upset so I just followed Petra down a short flight of steps that led into a large kitchen with a huge range in the corner, several large kitchen tables, cupboards up to the ceiling and lots of pots and pans everywhere. This was a big kitchen all right!

There was a rather large elderly lady sitting at the table peeling vegetables and she looked up as we came in.

‘Hello there; you must be Stephanie?’

She had a slight Scottish accent and a ready smile on her red face. She was wearing an apron and had a sort of white hat on her head.

I went over to her and said hello.

‘Thank you for the lovely meal.’

‘That’s all right hen, you look like you need feeding up; all skin and bone like that bonny wee lass standing next to you.’

We both giggled at that.

‘Now, Stephanie, is there any food you don’t like?’

‘Not really…except tomatoes.’

‘Right…no tomatoes. Do you like porridge?’

‘I’ve never had any.’

‘That’s almost a sin. In Scotland, you could be sent to prison for less. I’ll give you some for breakfast and if you don’t like it, I’ll eat my hat!’

‘Okay.’ I laughed.

We said our goodbyes and we went back upstairs. I glanced at the door where the dumb waiter was and was tempted to ask Petra why he had to stay behind it but I felt a bit uncomfortable asking. Anyway, we were soon upstairs again and Petra took me into one of the many side doors leading off the main hall.

I followed her and I saw that we were in a not too large comfortable sitting room with sofas. Arm chairs, a television, a radio and a record player were dotted about the place.

Petra plonked herself down on the sofa and I sat next to her.

‘Well, what do you think?’ she looked expectantly at me.

‘About what?’

‘My home…this.’ she spread her hands out.

‘Pokey little place…seen better though,’ I said with a straight face.

I immediately fell about laughing when Petra threw an over stuffed cushion in my face and then tickled me like mad.

‘STOP IT.’ I shouted, ‘I’ll wet myself!’

She let me go and we both fell breathlessly onto the floor.

I looked at Petra and she looked at me and we both fell about giggling again.

When we got our breath back I turned to her.

‘Really…it’s lovely and everyone is so nice. I think your parents are brilliant and Mrs Mac, she’s nice too.’

‘Yes she is, isn’t she? Sometimes at night when I’m hungry, I come down and if she’s still there, she gives my some chocolate biscuits and a glass of milk.’

‘Och, that’s all right hen, I canna abide wee girls going hungry.’ I said in my best Mrs Mac voice.

Petra screeched with delight.

‘Gosh, that was brilliant. Who else can you do?’

I gave her, the Head Mistress, Matron and even pretended to be her horse, Suzie, but I’m not much good at horses and it made my throat hurt.

We were giggling and then heard some clapping coming from behind us.

My face went red as I turned around and saw Sally and Bob standing there smiling at me.

‘Looks like we’ve got a comic, Sally.’

‘Mmm. I hope she can’t do me.’

We all laughed at that.

‘Right girls, it’s getting a bit late and if you want to ride horses early tomorrow you had better get ready for bed. We’ll come up and say goodnight in about thirty minutes so off you go and girls, keep it quiet, the twins have radar for hearing and will wake up at the drop of a pin.’

We made our way up to our rooms. As we reached my door, Petra said goodnight.

‘We need to get up early, so I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks for coming. It’s great to have a friend to share things with.’ She gave me a hug and whispered in my ear,’ tomorrow night, we’ll have a secret midnight feast!’

‘Wow!’ I whispered back, ‘that will be great. Can my Teddy come?’

‘Yes, I’ll bring Polly.’

‘Polly?’

‘Yes, my doll.’

We hugged again and I went into my room and closed the door.

As I sat on the bed to take my shoes off, I smiled as I remembered the lovely afternoon and evening that I had just experienced.

I finished undressing and folded my clothes neatly on a chair. I noticed that I had some chocolate on the hem of my dress, no doubt caused by some twin or other and I smiled again. I liked this family, they were nice people.

I picked up my nightie and went into the bathroom. I had a wee; I always sit down as my little friend was a bit small and I tended to spray everywhere if I stand up to do ‘it’.

I washed my hands and cleaned my teeth; then I slipped on my nightie…I always loved the silky feeling when I did that. I picked up my brush and brushed my hair till it shone. When I had finished, I turned the light off went over to the bed, picked up Teddy then slipped between the cool white cotton sheets.

‘Well, Teddy, what a day I’ve had; we…’

I stopped at the knock on the door.

‘Come in.’

The door opened and Sally and Bob came in.

‘’Already in bed…good girl!’ said a smiling Sally, sitting beside me.

Have you had a nice day?’ said Bob.

‘Yes, it was fun. Thank you for letting me stay.’

‘That’s all right pumpkin. I’ll say goodnight. Sally wants a quick word with you.’

He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. It was rather nice and my face tickled a bit with his slightly hairy face…but I didn’t mind.

He gave me a little wave and said,’ right, I bet that Petra’s not in bed yet…’ as he left shutting the door quietly behind him.

I looked up at the smiling face of Sally.

‘’I’m glad that Petra has found a particular friend. Don’t get me wrong, she has a lot of friends at school, but you are the only one who knows a bit of what she had to go through. Also, you are the only one she has asked to stay for the weekend.’

‘Why is that?’

‘She is still very conscious about who she is. We tell her that it doesn’t matter. It’s the seventies now and society is a lot different and more tolerant than when I was a young girl. There is still a bit of a stigma attached to children who don’t identify with their birth gender. Do you know what I am trying to say?’

I just nodded.

‘Now we come to you. While we were having dinner, we were interrupted; you were trying to tell us something.’

I looked uncomfortable.

‘Please tell me. I might be able to help and it’s good to talk sometimes.’

‘It’s just…just that I feel that I…’

I found it difficult to put it in words. I held onto Teddy rather tightly and then as if a damn had burst, it all came out.
‘I…if I get caught, I would be taken away from my friends and my school. I would be taken to somewhere a long way away as there is no room in this area for boys who need homes. Then if I move away, I would have to be a boy and I…I…I don’t want to be a boy any more.’

‘Why not, honey?’

Somehow, I was being held by Sally…it was nice.

‘I’ve only been like this for a little while…dressing as a girl, but it feels right, as though…it’s like, you know when you go to the shoe shop and you try on a pair of shoes?’

She nodded.

‘Well, it’s like all my life I’ve been wearing the wrong sized shoes and now, as a girl, they fit, just right.’

I was crying now…I must be a girl, because boys don’t cry as much as I do!

She hugged me and rocked me gently until I had calmed down.

‘Feeling a bit better?’

‘Yes thanks; it’s nice to talk to someone about this.’

‘Yes, it’s good to get things off your chest. Now, Steph, look at me.’

I wiped my eyes and looked at her. She had a pretty smile and I found it hard to believe that she was Petra’s mother as she looked far too young.

‘Both Bob and I will make sure that no harm comes to you and if you have any worries at the Home or at school, I want you to promise to come and see us; we are on your side; okay?’

I just nodded. I could feel the truth of what she said in her voice; it was comforting and reassuring and it made me feel a lot better.

‘Right; off to sleep, missy and I’ll see you in the morning.’
She gave me a kiss and settled me down in the bed.

As I cuddled Teddy and felt Sally gently stroke my hair, my eyes began to droop and then shut.

‘Goodnight, love.’

‘Night…Mummy.’

I could hear a small sob as the door shut quietly behind me and it wasn’t until the next day that I realised what I had said.

To be continued…

Please leave comments as Teddy reads all correspondence.

I woke suddenly…something wet was on my face...I screamed! I brushed the wet thing off of my face and could see Petra standing there, giggling. ‘Petra!’ that’s not funny; it’s not nice to put a cold wet flannel on someone’s face!’   Orphan 25 by Susan Brown

 

Previously...

‘Both Bob and I will make sure that no harm comes to you and if you have any worries at the Home or at school, I want you to promise to come and see us; we are on your side; okay?’

I just nodded. I could feel the truth of what she said in her voice; it was comforting and reassuring and it made me feel a lot better.

‘Right; off to sleep, missy and I’ll see you in the morning.’

She gave me a kiss and settled me down in the bed.

As I cuddled Teddy and felt Sally gently stroke my hair, my eyes began to droop and then shut.

‘Goodnight, love.’

‘Night…Mummy.’

I could hear a small sob as the door shut quietly behind me and it wasn’t until the next day that I realised what I had said.

And now, on with the story…

I woke suddenly…something wet was on my face..I screamed!

I brushed the wet thing off of my face and could see Petra standing there, giggling.

‘Petra!’ that’s not funny; it’s not nice to put a cold wet flannel on someone’s face!’

‘Sorry, I couldn’t help it.’ laughed Petra.

‘Right, just you wait, I’ll get back at you when you least expect it!’

I couldn’t stay serious for long and before we knew it, we were having a pillow fight. Pillows were flying everywhere and it was lucky that Teddy was under the cover as she might have been thrown about too!

‘GIRLS!’

We stopped mid throw and slowly turned around. There was Petra’s mum- Sally standing there, a twin in each arm and looking a bit annoyed.

‘You’ve woken up the twins now. If you want to go riding, I suggest you quieten down and get ready. Oh by the way, in thirty minute’s time, the twins will need feeding and you two will be doing the honours.’

Thirty-five minutes later, a chastened Petra and I were sitting in the kitchen wearing aprons over some riding gear and feeding some unmentionable gloopy stuff to two noisy children.

Approximately fifty percent of the food went into the open mouths of the little angels; the rest was splattered around the kitchen and on our once spotless white aprons.

Mrs Mac was laughing as she made us some porridge; she did not think highly of our feeding skills!

Eventually, nurse came in and rescued us from our torment and we were able to clean ourselves up in the bathroom by the side of the kitchen.

Soon we were tucking into Mrs Mac’s famous porridge. I would like to tell you what it was made of, but I have been sworn to secrecy; but I can tell you that it was great!

After all this excitement, we made our way to the stables. I felt funny wearing the riding gear and the jodhpurs were a bit tight for my liking. The helmet was a tight fit too; perhaps my head was too big!

When we arrived, there were two people, stable girls I think, standing there holding a pair of horses; one I recognised as Suzie, Petra’s horse, the other one looked ginormous and I wondered, with dread if that was my horse.

‘Right Steph,’ said Petra going over to the big horse. ’This is Rainbow, she is a bit big, but she’s as gentle as a lamb.’

‘Hmm.’ I said, not believing a word of it. The beast was huge. I was dwarfed by the humungousness of her. She looked me up and down and I could see that she wasn’t impressed by me.

‘Look Steph, she’s big, I grant you, but she has a sweet temperament and has a heart of gold. Now Sandra and Susan will help you up. You have nothing to worry about.’

Sandra and Susan looked at me without any expression on their faces. Were they hiding something? Was this a killer horse, just waiting to have me on her back before launching off at 110 mph into the far distance and then throwing me off, just for the fun of it? As you can see, my imagination was running wild.

I was given a leg up and in seconds, I was astride the monster. It was a weird feeling being up there, almost in the clouds. It felt like I was on top of a double decker bus, I was so high. Anyway; I was up now and hanging on to the reins rather tightly.

‘See; no problem. Rainbow is a sweetie, isn’t she?’

‘If you say so.’

Rainbow then snorted and I jumped in the saddle. It would be an understatement to say that I was an unhappy bunny. I just wanted to be in a warm dark place away from all this.

‘Don’t be nervous. Sally, walk Rainbow about a bit, would you?’

Sally took the reins from my nerveless fingers and we proceeded to walk around the yard. It was really strange sitting on a horse, feeling my bottom sort of wiggle and bump as she walked around and around. In the end I could see that the horse wasn’t rampant and didn’t want to throw me off. I was reassured by Petra that her slightly slobbering mouth wasn’t a sign of early onset rabies and I gradually, very gradually started to relax and enjoy myself.

Thirty minutes later I found myself following Petra and Suzie on Rainbow. It was true, Rainbow was nice and she didn’t put a foot or is that a hoof, wrong. I was enjoying myself. Admittedly, my bottom was getting a bit sore, but this was a small price to pay for seeing the lovely countryside on the back of a big friendly horse. Teddy, whose head was sticking out of a rucksack on my back, was obviously enjoying things too! All in all, I was glad that I had agreed to do this and I was very pleased with myself.

We went down the side of fields, through some woods, followed a babbling brook and finally turned back towards the house and stables. We spoke about lots of things on that magical journey. It was amazing that all the time we were on Petra’s land; it was all so big. I had to ask…

‘Petra; if your family is so rich, why don’t you go to some horrendously expensive school like other gels?’

‘Gels?’

‘You know…all posh, nose in the air types , dripping with diamonds and stuff like that.’

‘Yuk! No thanks. Mummy and Daddy did say I could go to Rodean, but that would mean living away from home and anyway, our school is top notch.’

‘Oh.’

‘It’s not only that, if I was away, I would miss my family too much. I love them all…even the twins…bless their little cotton socks.’

We arrived at the stable and with some help from the stable girls I managed to get off Rainbow. I went around to the front of the horse.

‘Thank you Rainbow, for the lovely ride.’

She nuzzled up to me and I could see that I had been totally mistaken in my opinion of her; she was a little…sorry, big sweetie!

‘I’ll bring you a lump of sugar or an apple next time.’

I swear that she winked at me!

Petra got off of Suzie and after thanking the stable girls, we walked back…rather stiffly and bow legged on my part to the house.

As we walked in the house, Sally was there.

‘Hello, girls, had a nice ride?’

‘Yes Mummy, it was great.’

‘Thank you for letting me go, Sally.’

‘That’s all right, dear. I hope you can come back lots of times. Now; I remember the first time I went on a horse, I was as stiff as anything. You should go upstairs and get out of your riding gear and have a long soak in the bath.’

‘That sounds great!’ I said with enthusiasm.

As I lay back in the bath; the warm water and bubbles relaxing me and making my aches and pains go away, I reflected on my lovely morning. I could easily get used to all this! Petra had a lovely house and grounds. She was a wonderful person and her parents were so nice. I blushed again at the thought of what I had said last night to Sally. I did hope she wasn’t too upset on my calling her Mummy when I was a bit sleepy! That got me thinking and then I shook my head and thought of other things…

All too soon, the water started to cool and I stated to get a bit wrinkly. I reluctantly got up out of the slightly warm water and grabbed a towel. I pulled the plug out and then dried myself off. Once I was reasonably dry, I went back into my bedroom. I wasn’t sure what to wear and went over to my case. I found a nice white cotton long sleeved blouse and dark blue pleated skirt. After putting on some white cotton panties, I finished dressing and then found my black sandals. In moments I was done. A quick brush of my hair and there I was as pretty as a picture; well I thought so anyway!

I met Petra in the hall.

‘Hi, Steph I was just coming to see if you were ready. Let’s go down to the kitchen and see if we can nab a sandwich.’

‘Yes, I could eat a horse…oops, sorry!’

We looked at each other and just started giggling.

We were still at it as we arrived at the kitchen.

Mrs Mac was there doing something with pastry. She had a smut of flour on her nose and that set us off again.

She just shook her head and mumbled something about ‘silly girls’ and carried on.

We found some sandwiches on a table by the side and we picked some up, put them on a plate, took a couple of cokes out of the fridge and went out again.

We went onto the lawn and sat down on the lush green grass. We had calmed down a bit by then and were able to eat and drink without choking ourselves.

I looked at Petra as she munched on her sandwich.

‘Thanks for letter me come.’

‘Thank you! It’s nice to have a friend that I can share things with. Do you think that you will always be a girl now?’

I thought for a bit.

‘It’s all happened so suddenly. I worry that I am not quite right in the head…but yes; I love it and if I can, I want stay as a girl and grow up to be one; though it’s a bit difficult to be a girl when every time I use the toilet I see that I don’t have the right stuff down below.’

‘That can be sorted out. There are places you can go and have an operation.’

‘I know, but it’s probably expensive and you probably have to go through hoops to be allowed to change.’

‘Yes; it is hard…anyway, lets not worry about that now; want a game of tennis?’

I remembered seeing the grass court on our travels.

‘Yes, that would be great; I have a match with Tamsin coming up. I need all the practice I can!’

The rest of the day was lovely. We played tennis and although Petra was good, I was better and I began to have hopes that I wouldn’t disgrace myself on my up and coming grudge match!

That evening, we had dinner in the huge dining room again. It was a repeat of the previous night. I was wearing a bit of a posh white frock, borrowed from Petra and had a white ribbon in my hair to match I felt very feminine and loved the feel of the smooth fabric against my skin.

Petra had on a lovely pink satin dress with net underskirt. Sally was wearing a little black dress covered up a bit by her apron and was very pretty. Bob wore a suit and tie and was quite smart and handsome. It was all very formal but somehow nice. The twins of course wore sort of all in one baby grow things and soon added to that by having dinner all over themselves!

The meal was roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, roast potatoes and lots of lovely thick gravy. It all melted in my mouth and made me feel rather full up when I had finished. Somehow though, I found room for a knickerbocker glory of gigantic proportions for afters!

After dinner, we went to say thank you to Cook and then went into the sitting room to watch some TV. We watched Catweazle then Sally and Bob came in with the twins. We said goodnight to the little loves and then settled down to watch Department S.

All too soon it was time for bed and after saying goodnight and having an nice cuddle from Sally and Bob, we went up to bed.

As we stood outside my door, Petra looked up and down and then whispered, see you after all the lights are out.’

She ran off down the corridor to her room and I went into mine. I had forgotten all about the midnight feast!

I got undressed, washed my face, cleaned my teeth and put on my satin nightie. Then I jumped into bed and picked up Teddy. She looked worn out from her adventure on Rainbow so after kissing her goodnight and laying her down on her pillow, I picked up a book that I had found earlier in the library and opened it. It was The School at the Chalet by Elinor Brent-Dyer about some girls in a boarding school in Austria. It was fun to read and I loved the characters; mind you, I was a bit tired and somehow, I fell asleep…

When I woke up, it was light! I looked at the clock on the mantelpiece and saw that it was 7.30; I had missed the midnight feast! I supposed the same thing had happened to Petra.

I rubbed my eyes and got up. Feeling the need to go, I went into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet. After wiping myself clean and washing my hands, I noticed my flannel. With an evil grin, I wet the flannel and then went to find my victim!

I opened my bedroom door and peaked out. All clear, so I shut my door quietly and crept down the corridor. I recognised Petra’s door…I couldn’t miss it, it had ‘Petra’s Bedroom…Private…keep out, or else!’ on it.

Holding my breath, I quietly turned the knob and opened the door. It creaked slightly and I gasped a bit; had she heard? I stopped to listen and giggled quietly as I heard a slight snore coming from the inside.

In seconds I was in the bedroom and shutting the door as quietly as possible behind me.

It wasn’t too dark in the room and I could see the bed over on the far side of the room.

I crept over and then saw her face. Her mouth was open and hair was partially covering her eyes. She looked so peaceful there and I sort of hesitated and then I remembered what she did to me the previous morning and I just plopped the wet flannel on her unsuspecting face.

‘Ooooooooooooooooow! Ooooooooooh’

Petra had woken up.

She looked around and then saw me.

‘Oh, I’ll get you for that.’ She said as she jumped out of bed and chased me around the room with the flannel in her hand.

In seconds we were having a tickle fight and didn’t stop until we heard a cough.

Breathing heavily, we stopped torturing each other and looked breathlessly at the doorway.

‘Well, you girls have done it again.’ said Bob, still in his jim jams. ‘Hear that?’

In the distance, we could hear the sounds of the twins crying in tandem.

‘Sorry Daddy.’

‘Sorry Bob.’

‘You will be. When you are dressed, you will both put an apron on and feed the twins again.’

‘Oh Daddy, you know how yuckie the twins are at breakfast!’

‘Don’t ‘oh Daddy’ me, young lady. You did the crime so you do the time, as they say in prison circles.’

‘Yes Daddy,’ said Petra, sighing.

‘Yes D…Bob.’ said I correcting myself.

And so we found ourselves a little later feeding the twins and trying not to get milky Farley’s Rusks in our hair.

Sally and Bob were trying their hardest not to laugh and we were not amused as we couldn’t eat our bacon and eggs until the twins had finished throwing their breakfast about.

We had just finished with the twins and were tucking in to our breakfast when we heard the telephone ring in the distance.

A few moments later a man who looked like Jeeves the butler, butled in and spoke into Bob’s ear.

Bob got up and just said, ‘excuse me.’ as he left the room.

We carried on eating and making plans for the day. It had been agreed that I would go back to the home early on Monday morning so that I could change into my uniform, so I had another day here. Perhaps we could have a midnight feast tonight!

I was drinking my orange juice as Bob came back in; he had a frown on his face.

‘Sally, girls, we have a bit of a problem.’

We all stopped what we were doing and looked up.

‘Stephanie; that was Matron. All hell has broken loose at the Orphanage. It appears that someone is kicking up a stink that you are staying there under false pretences, pretending to be a girl. The powers that be have decided that you are to move to the Boys Orphanage in the next county. They want you back straight away.’

As I looked at him, my heart started pounding and I felt faint…my worst nightmare had happened.

To be continued…

Please leave comments as Teddy reads all correspondence.

An hour later, with a tear streaked face, I was sitting on the back seat of the Range Rover on the way back to the Home.   Orphan ~ 26 by Susan Brown

 

Previously...

I was drinking my orange juice as Bob came back in; he had a frown on his face.
‘Sally, girls, we have a bit of a problem.’
We all stopped what we were doing and looked up.
‘Stephanie; that was Matron. All hell has broken loose at the Orphanage. It appears that someone is kicking up a stink that you are staying there under false pretences, pretending to be a girl. The powers that be have decided that you are to move to the Boys Orphanage in the next county. They want you back straight away.’
As I looked at him, my heart started pounding and I felt faint…my worst nightmare had happened.

And now, on with the story…

An hour later, with a tear streaked face, I was sitting on the back seat of the Range Rover on the way back to the Home.

Despite assurances from Sally and Bob that they would make sure no harm came to me, I dreaded going back. Petra held my hand as we went along the quiet country lane. Sally and Bob were very quiet in the front. I think they were dreading things almost as much as I was.

Because I wanted to show everyone how much of a girl I now considered myself as, I was wearing a pink cotton sun dress with matching cardigan. Long white socks and white sandals completed my outfit and I felt as much a girl as I could be. My hair had a pink ribbon tied in it and it tickled my neck every time I moved.

I held onto Teddy tightly in my arm and I was frankly miles away…

I knew more than anything that I wanted to stay as a girl and I dreaded that I would be wrenched away from all that I loved and taken to somewhere that would be terrible for me. I didn’t want to go away; I didn’t want to lose all of my friends and most of all, I didn’t want to move away from where my parents were buried.

I could feel the tears slip down my cheeks as I started to sob uncontrollably. Sally turned around and saw the state I was in.

‘Bob, pull over, dear.’

Bob parked the car and Sally swapped places with Petra and cuddled me tightly.

‘Oh Stephanie, don’t worry honey, we’ll do all that we can to sort this mess out.’

She carried on cuddling and stroking me as we continued on our all too short journey. About fifteen minutes later, we arrived at the home. There were several cars in the car park and a few of them I didn’t recognise. We got out of the car with me being the last one out. Sally took one of my hands and Bob took the other as we made our way into the building. I looked up at the dormitory and saw several girls looking out of the windows. ‘They must have known what was going on by now,’ I supposed.

When we walked through the entrance, Sheila was there and she looked a bit upset.

‘Oh I am so sorry this has happened Stephanie. Can you come with me?’

I looked up at Sally and Bob and they gave me reassuring smiles.

We’ll get to the bottom of this and come and see you in a minute after we have seen Matron, OK?’

I nodded and just followed Sheila who took me to the end of the hall and into a room that I hadn’t been to before. The door had ‘staff room’ on it and I followed her in. The room was empty and she motioned me to sit in one of the armchairs that were dotted about the room.

‘What will happen to me?’ I said with a quavering voice.

‘I don’t know, honey. We’ll have to wait and see.’

‘How was I found out?’

She looked upset and I thought that she was going to cry, but she held herself in check and with a slightly quavering voice, explained what had happened.

‘It was my fault. I shouldn’t have taken you to the tennis club….’

‘Pardon?’
Tasmin found out about you. She is an evil bitc… I mean she’s a nasty girl, that one. She has a friend who goes to your school. This girl overheard two of the teachers speaking about you and how you are a boy physically but want to be a girl. She told Tasmin and Tasmin put two and two together and spread her poison to her bigoted father . . . who happens to be a trustee here and also a councillor. To cut a long story short, he spoke to Mr Rogers, you remember him, the man from the council who helped you to come here? Well, Mr Rogers had to tell the truth. He is now going to have disciplinary action against him and may lose his job over it. The same with Matron and some of the others here, including me.’

‘But you all tried to help me!’

‘I know honey, but Tasmin’s father is not a very nice man…much like his daughter. He wants to be mayor and we all think that he wants this mess to be a lever for him to be seen as a fine upstanding citizen and therefore prime mayor material when the election comes up in a few months time.’

‘I…I’ll tell him that it was all my idea.’

‘That won’t help as you are a minor and anyway, we all wanted to help you.’

We both went quiet; there wasn’t anything else to say really. It seemed like ages, sitting in the staff room while my fate was being discussed by other people. Not for the first time, I felt like a ping pong ball. I looked at Teddy, still in my arms and felt a bit envious. Teddy’s don’t have problems like this…

The door opened and Matron came in; she wasn’t smiling…not a good sign.

‘Hello Stephanie.’ she said with a tired looking smile. ‘Can you come with me please?’

‘Good luck, Stephanie.’ said Sheila as I got up and followed Matron out of the room.

Matron didn’t say anything but just held my hand as we walked across the corridor to her office.
She ushered me in and then followed on behind me.

I was a bit intimidated as there were several people in the room. I coughed slightly as the atmosphere was full of smoke. Apart from Sally and Bob, there was Mr Rogers from the council and Mandy, his secretary. A severe looking lady with glasses and an awful hat was standing to one side and there was a gentleman sitting at Matron’s desk with a manila folder open in front of him. He had a cigarette in his hand and he was puffing on it while he looked at the folder on the desk.

I immediately saw the familiarity between him and Tamsin and assumed that he was her father.

He looked up and frowned.

Looking at Matron he said, ’why isn’t he wearing boys clothes?’

‘Because he came here without any.’

‘Hmm, sit down erm, Mark is it?’

‘No, my name is Stephanie.’

‘Enough of that nonsense you are Mark not Stephanie. Now do as you are told, that’s a good boy and let’s not hear anything more about this girl thing.’

I wouldn’t sit down and just stood there fuming.

He looked up again, annoyed that I had done what he told me to do.

‘Will you sit down, Mark?’
‘Not unless you call me by my real name.’

It was as if there was no one else in the room just him and me. It was strange, there he sat with something like a smirk on his face and I just hated him. He wanted to take me away from my friends and ruin my life!

Feeling a gentle hand on my shoulder, I looked around and saw that it was Sally.

‘It might be best if you sit down, honey.’

I reluctantly sat in the chair, making sure that I smoothed my skirt under me first, of course.

‘That’s better,’ said Tamsin’s father, I didn’t even know his name and he was trying to run my life for me!

‘Right, as far as I know it the facts are these. Correct me if I am wrong anyone. You are Mark Jenkins. Your parents died in a crash and you were put in the hands of social services. For some reason you were not put in a boys home in the next county but you were brought here instead and have pretended to be a girl ever since. Am I right?’

No one said anything.

I take it from the silence that this is the case. Apart from the fact that you are a minor and should be looked after correctly by the social services department, I find it astounding that so many responsible adults should collude in this masquerade and put the lives of innocent girls at risk…’

‘Now wait a minute Councillor Smart!’ said Matron loudly, ‘How dare…’

He put his hand up.
‘Your actions in this affair will be fully investigated and as you have been suspended from your post, I think that any discussions between us will be in private. Now Mark, you are young, only eleven I believe and as such, you have been easily led. It’s obvious that as a boy you should not be living in a girl’s home or going to a girl’s school. Miss Barnet here will be taking you to The Chippenham Boys Home. It is overcrowded but I’m sure that they will fit you in somewhere. You will be going to school at St Lukes, an all boys school and...’

‘I don’t want to go.’ I interrupted.

‘What you want is neither here nor there; you are to go where you are told. Now, Miss Barnet will take you to a clothes shop and get you some proper clothing before you are taken to your new home…’

‘I’m wearing proper clothing.’

‘Yes, it would be proper for a girl, but you are a boy.’

‘No I’m not,’ I said as tears started to course down my face, ‘why don’t you listen to me…’

‘Counsellor, enough of this, you are bullying the child,’ said an angry Bob.

‘I would thank you to keep out of this. Any more interruptions and I will clear the room. Now, let me make this clear, you, Mark are a gi…I mean boy. You cannot have had a miraculous change after a few short weeks. I think that you have been brain washed by your so called elders and betters. Now enough of this nonsense…go with Miss Barnet and we will hear no more about it.’

I stood up and Miss Barnet, all hat and glasses came over and held on to my hand rather firmly.

‘Wait a moment,’ said Sally coming over to me, ‘Stephanie, I promised you that we would look after you and we will. Go with the lady for the moment and I will see if we can sort things out, okay?’
I just nodded.

She hugged me and so did Bob. Matron smiled at me and then for some reason winked.

As I went out, I could hear a lot of shouting coming from the room.

‘I need my Teddy.’ I said to Miss Barnet, remembering that I had left her in the staff room.

‘You’re a big boy now and too old for teddies, come along…’

Outside, Petra was there looking all upset.

‘Steph, what’s happening?’

‘His name is Mark not Stephanie and I am taking him to his new home.’

Petra looked crestfallen and she just grabbed me and gave me a huge hug.

‘Oh Steph, what are we going to do?’

‘I don’t know,’ I gulped, tears running down my face. ‘She won’t let me get my Teddy and everything’s gone wrong!’

‘Mummy and Daddy will help.’

‘I know but I don’t think that they can do anything….’

‘Come along Mark I am in a hurry to get to the clothing shop.’

She grabbed my hand again and started to pull me away from Petra. I looked up and saw at the top of the staircase, all of my friends staring down at me. There was Stacy, Rachel and all of the others and they all looked a bit upset, Stacy was actually crying! Then Sheila came out of the staff room holding Teddy in her arm, she seemed to have been crying too. It was all too much for me. I wrenched my hand away from Miss Barnett and ran out of the door.

I didn’t know where I was going, I couldn’t see very well as my eyes were full of tears. I ran along the drive, my dress kept whipping up a bit in the wind. I didn’t care if my panties were showing and I was past caring for anything anymore. I could hear some shouts from behind, calling me back which I ignored. My sandals crunched on the gravel as ran full tilt out into the road. I heard a screech of brakes and then nothing.............

To be continued…

Sorry for the shortness of the chapter. This was necessary as a prelude to the final chapter, coming soon.

Please leave comments as Teddy needs cheering up….thanks

As I woke up, I could hear a beep noise. The beeping seemed to coincide with the banging in my head as it painfully throbbed.   Orphan ~ Final Chapter by Susan Brown

 

Previously...

‘Come along Mark I am in a hurry to get to the clothing shop.’

She grabbed my hand again and started to pull me away from Petra. I looked up and saw at the top of the staircase, all of my friends staring down at me. There was Stacy, Rachel and all of the others and they all looked a bit upset, Stacy was actually crying! Then Sheila came out of the staff room holding Teddy in her arm, she seemed to have been crying too. It was all too much for me. I wrenched my hand away from Miss Barnett and ran out of the door.

I didn’t know where I was going, I couldn’t see very well as my eyes were full of tears. I ran along the drive, my dress kept whipping up a bit in the wind. I didn’t care if my panties were showing and I was past caring for anything anymore. I could hear some shouts from behind, calling me back which I ignored. My sandals crunched on the gravel as ran full tilt out into the road. I heard a screech of brakes and then nothing.............

And now, on with the story…

As I woke up, I could hear a beep noise. The beeping seemed to coincide with the banging in my head as it painfully throbbed.

My eyes cracked open and I immediately shut them again as the glare from the lights were very harsh.

I moaned slightly and could feel that my throat was a bit sore and very dry. Carefully opening my eyes again, I noticed that they had become a bit more accustomed to the glare. After blinking several times, my eyes seemed to clear a bit and I could see roughly where I was.

My sight was a bit blurry but it was clear that I was in bed and that I was propped up slightly. Looking around what was obviously a hospital room, I saw that I was alone. I turned my head to the left…that hurt a bit as my neck as well as my head was a bit painful, I noticed that that I was attached to some sort of monitor and the beeping noise was coming from that. My arm had a tube going into it under a bandage. The tube went up to a drip thingie and I could see the clear liquid dripping down from a bag. Where the tube was going into my arm, there was yet another dull sort of pain where the needle had been put in. All in all, I was not in a very good state.

I was wearing one of those white hospital gowns and the bed clothes were up to my chest and tucked in quite tightly. There was a sort of frame under the sheet and blanket where my legs were which must have been there to keep my legs away from the bedcovers. I felt another strange sensation and it was coming from my willie, it was uncomfortable and hard to describe. I was just about to lift the covers, when someone came in.

‘Hello there, awake, are you?’

I looked up and I saw the fuzzy shape of a nurse in her light blue uniform, starched apron and cap.

‘Hello.’ I croaked.

‘Throat a bit sore? Not surprising as you had a tube down it for a week. Take a little sip of this water then I’ll go and tell sister and your relatives that you’ve finally stopped snoring and have decided to join us again.’

She said this with a twinkle in her eyes and a smile on her face. I liked her straight away! She left me with my drink and I sipped the water; it felt nice to quench my thirst. It was funny her saying relatives as I didn’t have any, except that aunt that came from up north, who I had never met.

The door creaked open again and the nurse and what I took to be the sister came in.

‘Hello dear,’ said Sister. ‘You look a bit better than when you first came here. Now have you any pain?’

‘Erm…yes, I hurt in lots of places, my head mainly and my foot feels bad and erm…erm,… my tinkle feels funny too.’

‘Tinkle…oh I see, well you don’t need to worry about that. You have a catheter in there. It’s there to help you go to the toilet.’

‘Catheter?’

‘Yes, it’s a tube that’s placed inside you when you are not able to go the toilet yourself. The doctor will be here in a short while as she needs to have a quick chat, then we can get you something for your aches and pains. She’ll explain everything to you. Then we can let your relatives loose on you. Now have a little rest and then we can sort you out.’

The sister and nurse after a little smile left me to myself. I still had no idea how I had got here and my head was throbbing all the more, making it hard for me to think too clearly. One thing that did make me wonder was all this about relatives?

I shut my eyes as it was bit strange that everything was a still out of focus. Then I opened them again as I felt this strange feeling again from down below. I lifted up the sheets with my free hand and all I could see was some bandages where my panties would normally go and between my legs I noticed that there was a clear tube poking out. As I looked, I could see a small amount of wee dribble down the tube. Feeling a bit sick at that sight, I swiftly put the sheets back down again. I shut my eyes and must have drifted off, as the next thing I remember was that the door creaked again and a lot of people in white coats came in.

‘Hello there.’ aid the eldest one who happened to be a lady. ‘How are you feeling?’

I repeated what I said to Sister.

‘Well, first of all, my name is Doctor Connor but you can call me Tania. I’m the doctor looking after your case and these other people are my students. Now I just need to have a word with them then I’ll be back with you, okay?’

I nodded.

She went to the end of the bed and they all went into a sort of a rugby huddle. After a few moments, the students left and Doctor…I mean Tania came over, dragged a chair to the side of the bed and sat down next to me.
‘Right, sorry about that. I have a few minutes and I think we need to have a chat. I have sent for some pills for you to ease the pain. Unfortunately, they are a bit strong and will send you to sleep but I want to just tell you a few things. What do you remember?’

‘Nothing much, just that I ran out into the road without looking, heard some brakes screeching and then…nothing else.’

‘Well, you are very lucky. The driver manager to break hard. The car clipped your ankle and you fell heavily onto the side of the road. Your head hit the kerb and you suffered a compound fracture of the skull. Your ankle just had extensive bruising and you lost a bit of skin…nothing serious about that. However we were very worried about your head injury. You had to have an operation to fish a few bone splinters out and we also had to release the pressure as you were bleeding a bit. Both procedures went okay, but you have been in a light coma until today. Brain injuries are tricky things and we didn’t know if you would recover properly or not. I bet your vision seems a bit wonky?’

‘Yes, it’s sort of fuzzy.’

‘Well that’s not too bad. Anyway, we have to keep you in for a little while longer so get used to being in bed. We are going to do some tests tomorrow to see if your memory is okay and if all your other bits and pieces work. In the mean time you need to rest and not get all upset. Okay?’

‘Yes Tania, thanks for helping me.’

‘Hey, that’s what we are paid for and anyway, between you and me, it’s the nurses who do all the hard work, I just sit about all day looking important.’

I giggled at that, not believing a word of it. But I had to say something else…

‘Erm.. Doctor.’

‘Tania, remember.’

‘’Sorry Tania, I have a tube down there.’ I vaguely pointed downwards, ‘when can it come out?’

‘Well honey, I think that we can get that out of you tomorrow. Can you stand it for a little while longer?’

‘Yes….okay.’

‘Well done,’ she said standing up. ‘Now there are some people who are dying to see you but they can’t stay long. Ah nurse, got the pills? Good. Right I had better be off to see what those students are doing behind my back. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘Bye.’

The nurse gave me two pills which I swallowed with the help of some water.

‘Well done. Are you feeling hungry?’

‘Not really.’

‘That’s all right. Just ring the bell if you need anything. You can have some supper later anyway as you need to get something in your tummy. Now don’t go away and I’ll see if your visitors can come in.’

My heart sort of flipped as I remembered what had happened at the home. Would it be that horrible Councillor Smart and the equally nasty Miss Barnet? Then I remembered that it was supposed to be family visiting me…It was all quite confusing…

The door opened and my face lit up when I saw who it was… Sally, Bob and Petra!

‘Hello Stephanie!’ shouted Petra as she rushed over to me.

‘Shhhhh,’ said Sally and Bob together.

‘You’ll get us chucked out,’ exclaimed Bob quietly but with a tolerant smile on his face.

‘How are you dear?’

I looked up at Sally’s anxious face.

‘Fine thanks. It’s a bit painful in places, but the nurse has given me some pills.

‘Oooh look Mummy, Stephanie’s got a bottle of wee under her bed and a tube…’

‘Petra Phillipa Beacham, if you are not good you will go outside.’

‘Sorry Mummy.’

I smiled as Petra looked anything but good at the moment. She looked like she was bursting to tell me something.

They all pulled chairs up around the bed and asked me about how I was and everything.

I told them what the doctor said and then Bob spoke up.

‘Well you have told us about what has happened to you and now it’s our turn. Are you up to hearing what has been happening whist you have been snoozing in here?’

I nodded, sort of dreading what he was going to say. I remembered vividly what had caused my accident. I was going to be put in a boy’s home and forced to go to a boy’s school, leaving everything and everyone I held dear, perhaps never to see them again.

‘Hang on Daddy,’ said Petra, fishing in her bag. ‘Here you are Stephanie; I’ve been looking after her for you.’

It was Teddy! I took her from Petra and held her tightly to me as Bob started to speak again.

‘When you left, we started arguing with Mr Smart. The sanctimonious old fool wasn’t going to budge and then we heard that you had run off, so we dropped everything and ran after you with everyone else. It was awful when we saw that you had been hurt. Luckily the ambulance was there quite soon…’

‘Cor…you were all bloody and you twitched and...

PETRA!’

‘Sorry Mummy.’

‘Young ladies don’t say things like that.’

‘’Sorry Mummy.’

‘Hmmm. Go on Bob.’

‘Thank you dear. Now, things got a bit rushed. The fool Smart wanted to get Miss Barnet to go with you in the ambulance, but Sally got there first and literally shut the ambulance doors in her face.’

‘I’m a bit ashamed of that.’

‘Well, I’m not, Mummy, you were a star…’

‘If I can continue? Right Steph, where was I…oh yes. Anyway, Sally went to the hospital and I followed behind in the car with Petra. It was touch and go for you as you evidently stopped breathing twice, but they soon stabilised you and after several hours of waiting around, we were told you was out of danger. I sent Sally home with Petra and stayed the night. At least one of us has been here ever since. They kindly laid on a room for us to use so it was no great hardship.’

‘Yes and I managed to stay off school, compash ,erm comp… Mummy what is it called?’

‘Compassionate leave, dear.’

‘That’s it!’

‘Thank you for being here for me.’

‘That’s okay,’ smiled Sally.

‘But…what’s going to happen to me. Will Miss Barnet come and take me away again?’

Sally held onto my hand.

‘Well dear, that’s up to you.’

‘I don’t know what you mean.’

‘Well, after you were taken away in the ambulance, Matron collared Councillor Smart. She told me what happened. Evidently, the good councillor has these expensive trips abroad supposedly on council business. However, somehow, Matron found out that he had several trips…now everyone, not a word of this to anyone, okay?’

We all nodded and I was wondering where this was going.

‘Well, as I say he had several trips abroad to Benidorm and it so happens that his secretary was there at the same time on holiday on all of these occasions. Matron is tight lipped as to how she knew all of this, just saying that she has “contacts”. Now Mrs Smart is a jealous woman. She once threw half a pint of bear over a barmaid who smiled and made a suggestive remark to her husband. If she got to know about Councillor Smart’s, shall we say extra curricular activities, World War 3 would start. Anyway the long and short of it is that the good Councillor has seen the error of his ways.’

‘Does that mean I won’t have to go to somewhere else?’

‘Not if you don’t want to.’

‘Can I go back to the Home?’

‘I’m afraid that isn’t possible as there would be too many problems doing that. If the press got to know, there would be ructions. Not everyone is liberal minded.’

I clutched onto Teddy even tighter and my eyes stared to water.

‘What’s going to happen to me?’ I gulped, looking at Sally through tearful eyes.

‘We have a solution; you can come and stay with us. What you don’t know is that Petra was originally our foster child. I can’t have children as my tubes are all messed up. We adopted Petra after fostering her for a while. We have fostered quite a few children in the past and we are licensed to do it still. If you want to live with us, you can still go to the girls school and see all your friends from the home. Would you like to do that?’

‘Yes, please do Steph, it will be great and…’

‘PETRA!'

‘Sorry Daddy.’

‘Can….Can I come and stay with you?’

‘We would love to have you,’ smiled Bob, ‘and if it all works out, I see no reason why Petra can’t have a sister.’

‘You mean…’

‘Yes…we had a family conference. Although we haven’t known you for long, you are a lovely girl and we would love to have you in the family. We’ll help you with your gender problems, just like we have with Petra. If you want to be a boy, that’s not a problem either. It’s a serious thing to go through gender changes and there will be a rocky road ahead for you, but whatever you decide, we’ll help as much as we can, won’t we Sally?’

‘Yes, Bob has said it all. I liked you as soon as I saw you and so did Bob. I think that you would be a very nice addition to the family. We want you to be with us, if that is what you really want. But we aren’t going to force or rush you. If you want to go live with other people, we’ll make sure that you go to a nice foster family.’

I looked at them all; their kind faces…Petra looked like she was about to burst if I didn’t answer soon. I heard a little voice in my head. It sounded so much like my Mum, “Go with them; they love you and will look after you”.

I smiled, suddenly yawned and just nodded. Ten minutes later, I was fast asleep dreaming about riding Rainbow without a sore botty!

~*~

It was three months later and I was doing up the laces of my tennis plimsolls. I was conscious of the shortness of my tennis skirt and the frilly pants underneath. I didn’t know if I would ever get used to showing my “smalls” in public, but I was willing to try! Petra was there trying to give me advice about my backhand…which was a laugh really as I could beat her easily at tennis. As I looked around the Tennis club changing room, I reflected at how much had happened since I had last been there…

As Petra wittered on, my mind went back over the recent past…

I stayed in the hospital for another two weeks and then went back to what is now my home. It took some time for the headaches to stop and my eyesight to clear. The hair grew over the scar on my head and you wouldn’t know to look at it that it had ever been cracked open like Humpty Dumpty! The damage to my ankle wasn’t too bad and apart from a slightly lighter skin over my ankle, you wouldn’t know that I had hurt it.

As soon as I went to my new home, it felt like “home”. Everyone was so kind and made me feel like I was part of the family. Sally and Bob were wonderful and I soon grew to love them so much. Petra was great and we were soon as close as real sisters. It wasn’t long before it was decided in a family conference that we were going to go through adoption for me. It takes a bit of time for all the fuss, bother and red tape to go through and it looks like it will take a few more months before I can officially call myself Lady Stephanie Beacham, daughter of Lord and Lady Beacham, no less!

You could have knocked me over with a feather when I found out that my new parents were third cousins to the queen and part of royalty! Sally and Bob rarely used their titles and seem a bit embarrassed about it although they been to Sandringham occasionally to stay when ‘the family’ are there.

Anyway, as far as I am concerned, I am part of the Beacham family now and I call Sally and Bob, Mummy and Daddy. Mind you, when I want to wind them up, I just call them your Lordship and Ladyship and they don’t like that for some reason!

All this doesn’t mean that I will ever forget my original parents and I never will. Once a week, I go to the cemetery and put fresh flowers on the graves. I also have pictures of them in my room and it’s nice to see them all around me. Anyway, there are always there in my heart and always will be.

Teddy has been joined by another pink teddy called Amanda and two dolls, One Cindy and the other one Lucinda, but Teddy is always my favourite and has first dibs at bedtime for cuddles.

Living in a place that has lovely humungously large grounds, means that I can wander far and wide and be by myself if I want and just enjoy knowing that I am at home; not in any danger and in a place where I am loved and wanted. Quite often, I go for long rides when Petra can’t be bothered to join me…the lazy girl likes to stay in bed when she can get away with it! It’s lovely to wonder in the woods and along shallow streams, trying to catch sight of the squirrels or if I’m lucky a deer. My horse, Rainbow, still huge but as soft as butter, seems to enjoy our rides too. The other day, we were in the woods and there were lovely blue flowers carpeting the ground. I picked some and took them to Mummy and she loved them. She did tell me what they were called, but I have forgotten what she said now… oh yes, I remember, they were bluebells. Anyway, as you can see, I have really settled in and it’s really wonderful that I have finally found some happiness. Yes I am such a lucky girl!

Mind you, I don’t get as much time as I would wish to wander the grounds as I always seem to be busy. Petra and I are inseparable; Mummy says that we are almost joined at the hip! We go everywhere and do almost everything together. We play tennis, go riding, swim in the pool, have midnight feasts (when we can get away with it) and go shopping together too. I never knew how great it was to shop until I first went with Petra. Mummy went too, as she was the one with the money and we got a little bit carried away. I was totally shattered by the time I got home with tons of bags and a whole new wardrobe. Mummy said that she had to remortgage the house with what we had spent! I think she was joking.

I went back to school a month after the accident. It was strange wearing that funny, heavy uniform again, but believe it or not, I kind of like it now as it helps make me feel as if I belong. I saw all of my friends there from the Home and it was great to be back at school with them. Mind you, I often went to visit the Home with Petra after my accident and when I felt well enough and so I hadn’t missed everyone like I thought I might. I had thanked Matron for sorting out the councillor but she just shrugged her shoulders and winked. It turns out that The Sun newspaper did and exposé on him a few weeks ago and he was drummed off the council.

I have decided that I want to do all I can to be the girl I am inside. Daddy had me see a few trick cyclists as he called them. They all said the same thing; that I am a girl inside. Perhaps it took the tragedy of losing my parents to bring out my feminine side. I don’t know about that, all I do know is that I feel so right in the way things are going. Daddy has said that there isn’t much help in the UK but other countries have a more friendly approach to people like me and Petra. Anyway, I know that it is going to be a long hard road for me, but hopefully at the end of all this I will be where I want to be. The only thing I’m sad about is that I didn’t have a chance to be a little girl. I make up for it a bit by being as girlie as I can be and wearing really feminine clothes even though most kids my age wear jeans and things more than skirts and dresses. Still, as far as I am concerned, I want to be the girl of my dreams and that is that!

‘Are you listening to me?’ exclaimed Petra with an annoyed look on her face.

‘Sorry Petra, I was miles away.’

‘Hmm, anyway, let’s go out there and kick her whatsit!’

We left the cool of the changing room. The light was bright and warm outside and I was having butterflies in my tummy as I walked to the court. As we got near, I noticed that we had an audience. Mummy and Daddy together with Tracy, Rachel and all my other friends from the Home were there. Then I saw Matron and Sheila, Miss Cathcart and even Cook were there too; talk about stage fright!

I walked onto the court my legs feeling a bit rubbery. Tamsin was already there practicing serving and looking very menacing. She looked up at me when I arrived and then continued practicing her blistering serve. She looked unhappy though. No wonder, as her mum and dad were divorcing and her friends had deserted her.

We did a practice knock up and then started into the game. I won the first set rather easily as her mind and heart seemed to be elsewhere. We didn’t say a word to each other as we crossed but I could see that she was finding all this rather hard.

Tamsin pulled herself together and scraped the second set by one break point. Then we were into the final set and I was getting better and better as the game went on. I was playing really well and Tamsin, to her credit, upped her game a bit, sending back hands down the line and lobbing me quite effectively. However, I was just about getting the upper hand with my strong cross court shots. We crossed for the final time and I could see the tears in her eyes. She was dragging her feet as though it was all a bit too much for her.

Tamsin was 5-4 up so she should have been happy, at least that the games were going to serve, but she wasn’t. I knew as certain as I could that I would win the next game and then she would probably lose her next serving game giving me the match. She looked so tired and upset and she was even less likely to win because of it. We had a long hard rally on my serve at deuce and I somehow slipped, giving Tamsin the point.

I looked at her as she waited for my serve. She just didn’t seem to be enjoying herself. All my friends were shouting encouragement and she had no one.

I served a double fault and it was advantage Tamsin. She looked at me strangely and I could see some puzzlement in her eyes. She sort of shrugged and then took a deep breath. She was on match point but didn’t seem to care; it was as if nothing mattered any more to her. I somehow served a softish shot and Tamsin just managed to get her racquet to it. The ball lobbed over me to the back of the court, I was able to get back and just as I was going to fire it back down the base line, I somehow slipped again and the ball went out.

Tamsin had won.

There was silence in the court and then some scattered applause as we walked towards the net.

‘Well played,’ said Tamsin quietly as she shook my hand. ‘Why did you throw the game?’

There was no sign of triumph in her looks or her voice.

‘You won fair and square. Tasmin, can we be friends now?’

We both looked at each other. She had lost her family due to the stupidity of her father I had found a new one and I was as happy as I could be. Who had won out of all of this?

She looked at me, her lip quivering. She had tears in her eyes and she looked like she was going to fall apart. After a few seconds, she gulped, took a deep breath and just nodded. We embraced each other over the net and walked off arm in arm to the sound of clapping. Moments later, she was crying her eyes out on my shoulder and I was trying to help make her feel a bit better. It was nice that I had found a new friend and I much prefer to make friends than enemies. It was the start of a friendship that is very dear to me now and I hope that it always will be.

~*~

What about the future?

I look forward to being as complete a girl as I can be. No doubt I will have problems and worries, but I can face them now as I have the love and support of my family and all my friends to help me through.

Oh, I have just found out that Tracy and Rachel are both with foster parents and both Petra and I look like will be going on sleep-over’s in the very near future. I hope that Tracy doesn’t mess this one up!

Anyway, I have to go now as I am meeting Tasmin at the tennis club. Her mum has a new man in her life and things look like they are going to be okay with her. No more Miss Nice Girl…I’m going to beat her this time!

THE END

Please leave comments as Teddy reads all correspondence.