Wednesday and Thursday were pretty much normal Jeff days. Like my brother Rob said, I noticed girls differently. I saw how little makeup most girls used, what colors they wore, and how they wore them. It wasn’t until I was home from school and Rob had been home and left. Then I checked my closet, where my girl clothes were.

I just wanted to try one, to see if I could put the dress on correctly without help. I didn’t bother with the bra but I changed into a pair of panties. They felt extra nice and the dress falling over my body gave me shivers. It was difficult to zip up the back, so I hooked the top and finally managed the zipper. I brushed out my hair getting enough of the look Rachel and Mom did to please me. Well, not really but I imagined.

Rachel called from the bottom of the stairs to me in my room. “Jeff, you are being unusually quiet. Are you by any chance being Jessie?”

When did she come home? I thought, ‘How does she know?’ Instead of answering, I panic and quickly try to unhook the back of the dress. Struggling and hurrying I fall onto my bed making a loud noise. Before I knew it Rachel went up the stairs with me to my room. “Lookie here. Put your legs down; now sit up and pull the hem down, please. That is not very girl-like. ...Hey Jessie, is that what you want to wear Saturday to the movie?”

I say, “Yes, I guess. I just wanted to see what it would look like since I have to do it!”

Rachel smiled and said, “No one made you dress up the other day or now.” She looks at me thinking, “Can you see why the bra will help you get the look you want?” I don’t have a long mirror, so no I don’t. She could tell by my expression. “You don’t know, do you? Come downstairs and use the mirror in my room or the bathroom.” She took my hand and led me; it wasn’t a suggestion but an order.

Going down the stairs in a dress was a different experience as I was conscious of the skirt and its hemline on my legs. My bouncing steps quickly became more subtle. Rachel looked back at me smiling, giggling about my new sensitivity.

The dress was pretty, and while it was not as short as a mini-dress, it was short enough. I like how I look in it. Rachel was right; you could tell something was needed up top. Rachel said, “Why don’t you go take off the dress for a minute and put on your new bra? Then we will see how it looks and if you need something else. We can also search my jewelry to see what will work Saturday.”

“I should just change back to my clothes.”

Rachel said, “You in the dress to see how you’ll look. You wanted to see yourself. Here I’ll unhook the back and start the zipper down. Now, put on your bra, and to come back down to see the difference.” Again, it wasn’t a suggestion.

I had seen her and mom do up the back of each other’s outfits. It felt nice that she did it for me; treating me like I’m a normal girl. I tried on the bra, but the straps were too short. It would look like my breasts were too high up just under my collarbones. I called down the stairs, “Sis this is embarrassing, but I need your help.” When she came up, I lifted the bra and said, “The straps are too short, you got the wrong size for me.”

“Here,” she said, “Let me show you how to adjust the straps.” There were small clips on each strap, “Move it one way and the strap lengthens and moved the other way it shortens. Here try this, your nipples should be in the center of each cup. Too bad you’re not at Victoria's Secret I think their salesgirls would have fun instructing you.”

I tried on the bra, I thought it fitted nicely and looked very nice. Rachel said, “Not quite, see how this strap is tight up here? That would dig into your shoulder and become uncomfortable within an hour or so.” She adjusted it and showed me how I should comfortably be able to put two fingers under the strap. I understand and put the dress back on. As we walked back downstairs I realized we were having a sister moment.

I didn’t realize it, but while I was admiring myself in the mirror, Rachel texted Mom. “Mom says, you should stay in Jessie mode so your Dad can see.” Rachel said, “That being the case, I think you should use a little makeup so Dad sees Jessie instead of Jeff in a dress.”

“He shouldn’t see either,” I tell her.

“He’s going to see Saturday. I wouldn’t be surprised if Mom already sent him the picture I just sent of you.” Rachel came and gave me a hug saying, “It will be alright. This seems important to you, it is important to us as well.”

Afraid and ready to cry, “I don’t want to be a girl. I don’t know why but I just wanted to see myself like this. I don’t like boys or weird things.”

Rachel says, “No one is saying you like boys, come the end of Saturday maybe this will all be behind you. It is nice to see you as Jessie, but I like Jeff, he’ll continue being my brother. Dry your eyes and I’ll help you with a little makeup.

It wasn’t as elaborate as two days before, but my eyes had blue and pink eyeshadow, to go with the dress. The lip gloss was lightly done but my lips glimmered cutely. I did it all with Rachel watching me. She did smooth out some uneven spots making my complexion look especially smooth. It was like I was an attractive girl with a good complexion.

When we were all done, Rachel stepped back and I could tell something wasn’t quite right. So I asked, “What’s wrong?”

She said, “It’s not wrong, but you really should have on some pantyhose. There’s a pair in the plastic egg in your sock drawer.” She unhooked the top of my dress, undid part of the zipper, and tapped me on my butt to send me upstairs.

I changed into the pantyhose, had on my dress, and was back downstairs to the mirror. I liked what I saw and could easily see the difference pantyhose made. The back doorbell rang and I hurried to the door to see who was there, oops. Margaret our next-door neighbor had started to open the door. She’s a year older than me. She usually comes over to see Rachel or my Mom to ask to borrow or return something.

“High Margaret, come in,” I say.

She says, “You look familiar, should I know you?”

Rachel is soon there, realizing what has happened and that Margaret does not yet recognize me. She says, “This is Bridgette a cousin from out of state.” I turn in embarrassment and begin to walk away.

Margaret says, “O wow, you made up your brother to look like a girl and I didn’t even recognize him. So, it’s Bridgette. Don’t walk away, I won’t bite and I won’t tell.”

Rachel said, “Actually we’re calling her Jessie. It’s just something I thought would be cute once.”

Margaret took my hand, “I don’t mean to stare, but would you mind if I got a good look at you? I bet you ran to the door out of instinct and didn’t intend to show yourself off. But you could, you make a pretty girl." She said, "I have a concert tonight and I wanted help with my nails and makeup as my mom won’t be back in time. I was hoping you could help me, Rachel?”

She had a makeup kit in hand and went with Rachel into her room. Rachel said, “Jessie, you might as well come and see how it is done. She’s comfortable with you, so be a good girl and show some interest.” I sat nearby on the bed and they were at the vanity.

Margaret said, “I know my Mom found one of my brothers in her things. She first thought it was me until I proved it wasn’t. I’m sure she caught him, but I don’t know what if anything happened. Originally I thought it was gross, but as I imagined each of my brothers in something I thought it was cute.”

“So Jeff was it your idea or your sister’s?”

I said, “Kind of both, my sister caught me in her stuff and then she helped me.”

Margaret said, “I don’t mean to pry, but the dress is new and it isn’t Rachel’s.”

Rachel chimed in, “Mom thought as punishment he needs to go out once dressed as Jessie. I’m taking her to see the new movie Cinderella Saturday night.”

“So you must be getting him used to moving around as a girl. Has he had to go up and down stairs yet? That could be a humbling experience for a boy.” Rachel had finished preparing her nails and was now applying the nail polish. I watched intently as Rachel got each nail as even and smooth as glass. Next were her eyelashes, she wanted some mascara on the lower lashes.

As I watched, I began to see how beautiful Margaret was. She looked different from my sister. I ask, “You look and do things differently, how does a girl know how to do that?” They both smirked and kind of giggled at me.

Margaret said. “Why is it boys brush their hair one way or another and for most, it works? You can end each other’s jokes, even though your sense of humor is a little different. Boys are different to my way of thinking.”

Finally, Margaret asks Rachel to brush back her curls, and pin them up but make sure there's a balance to both sides. “I have a real problem with making sure the back is brushed properly.” Rachel gives it added attention, though I wonder why, as I usually only look at the fronts and sides.

Rachel and Margaret covered so many subjects in their talking I couldn’t keep up. I asked, “How can you talk about so many things about others?”

Margaret said and Rachel agreed, “How can guys talk so little and yet say they know someone? We learn things by talking and listening. It’s not as much gossip as you think, we’re interested in one another.”

She said, “A minute ago I told Rachel about my last period and you didn’t even wince. Either you weren’t listening or you understood it was personal, which was it?”

“It sounded like it was personal and you trusted my sister to tell her. My sister is sensitive like that I thought it was neat you could trust her as a friend.” Margaret reached over and hugged me. I would have liked it more if it was a girl-to-boy hug. This was different.

“You smell pretty, what fragrance are you wearing,” I asked.

She said, “Your brother notices things like that too. The perfume is new for me, it’s called ‘Pink Sugar’. I like the fragrance and that it is not overpowering. I have it here, would you like to try it.” I moved back.

Rachel took a spray to her wrists and caught me off guard, rubbing it on my cheek near my left ear. I liked it, though I hoped they didn’t notice.

When Margaret was done, I urged Margaret several times not to tell anyone. “I won’t but if I see a girl’s silhouette on your window shades I’ll be wondering. If Jessie would ever want to go shopping I would be happy to go with you.”

Margaret left and Mom was home shortly after 5:30 this evening. But it was Dad coming home at 6:00 that had me anxious. He arrived back from his trip this morning, going straight to work. He knew about the first incident and I believe he knows Jessie’s supposed to go to the movie Saturday night. But tonight is usually a welcome home night focusing on Dad. Tomorrow’s to be my birthday celebration.

Mom calls me down to the kitchen to greet my Dad. I am there but I’m very nervous. I’d like to race back up to my room and to change. Mom says “No,” and Rachel and Rob are there to make sure I don’t leave.

Dad comes through the door; He greets Mom, Rachel, passes me and he greets Rod. He steps back and with a smile, “Would you please introduce yourself, young lady?”

I usually say father, dad, or pop, but from nowhere it came, “Daddy, it’s me, I sorry I didn’t mean to spoil your return home.”

“You called me Daddy and from a picture I received earlier, you look like my daughter Jessie. While it might be a bit of a surprise, I’m not sure you have anything to be sorry about. Would you please give your Dad a hug and maybe a kiss on the cheek?” Without any reservation, I do as he asked. He warmly held me as I hugged and kissed him. He gently whispered, “I love you, please always remember that.”

He held me back away from him again, “While I still believe you are and always will be Jeff; may I say you make a pretty girl.” With that said, I was again back to having mixed feelings. Was Dad indirectly saying he expects me to be Jeff and this soon should be in the past?

Dad asked, “Shouldn’t you go change before supper?”

Mom speaks up, “I have an apron she’ll wear as we finish preparing dinner. She can even wear it until after she eats.”

I was up in my room studying after dinner when Dad came up for a visit. “I’m sorry sprout. I guess I’m sending mixed messages about you being Jessie. For thirteen years, I’ve had a son. It is hard in some ways to see you like the pretty girl in front of me now.”

“I’m sorry Dad; I heard what you said and I plan after Saturday night to go back to being only Jeff.” Dad waved his hand ‘No’.

“Besides this pretty dress that I hear you are wearing to see ‘Cinderella’, I hear you have another outfit hanging in your closet. I hear the two of them will be there if you decide to dress as Jessie again. I don’t want you to say ‘no’ if you can’t keep your word. If I said, ‘Don’t do it again’ I wouldn’t want you to be in fear of me.” Dad sat next to me and hugged me with one arm.

Dad asked, “Are you comfortable telling me more about this?”

“Not really, Dad; maybe sometime. Maybe Jeff would have an easier time telling you.”

Dad got up and kissed me on the forehead, “Your mother said there is a nightshirt under your pillow that you might enjoy wearing tonight and Saturday night.” With that, he left the room.

Rob soon entered the room, “Hey bro how did it go? I didn’t hear Dad get angry or anything.” He paused, “So what happened, I didn’t think you were dressing as Jessie until Saturday.

I said, “I didn’t intend to after I got home and changed I just went to the closet to look, and the next thing I was changing. I was careful, I guess too quiet and Rachel came looking for me.”

Rob shakes his head, “You got it bad; does it feel that good to be Jessie?”

I said, “You should know, you did it too. Please tell me these feelings end soon.”

Rob said, “No Bro, I think I should be calling you Sis right now. Yes, the stuff was neat; being made up once was nice, but a big part for me was doing what I shouldn’t. Once I was found out and was accepted it wasn’t exciting. Sis wanted me to learn the stuff myself. Yuck, that’s work, I only partially understand you wanting to do that.”

“I was like a clumsy boy in a dress, I had to imagine hard if I were to see myself as a girl that I wasn’t. If my girlfriend Cyndi asked me, I’d probably do it and enjoy it. …Oh, Mom says you’re to make sure your makeup is off before you go to sleep. She doesn’t want it rubbing off on the pillow." She said, "You don’t want traces on you when you go to school.”

The good thing about Friday it is my birthday, and others at school know it. We’re going out to eat with my grandparents on my Mom’s side. Mom said I’d have a card from my other grandparents when I got home. One surprise at school is that Margaret gave me a card that had something inside and a note on the front. ‘Open when you’re alone’.

On the way home I open the card, it is the average birthday card but looks a little girly. The poodles, I thought were more appropriate for a girl. Inside in a little plastic package was a dainty necklace with the note, ‘I think it’s you.’ I lifted it out of the plastic, it was a small gold heart on a delicate gold chain. I wondered if it would fit. I looked around, but saw no one; then I looked behind me and there was Margaret, three steps away.

She smiles, “Do you like it? Were you looking around to see if it would be safe to try it?” It was like she knew my thoughts, as she took the necklace from me and said, “Turn around please.” She said, “Lift your hair,” and she put the necklace on around my neck.

Dinner out was nice. We went to Mama Galliano’s, a fine Italian restaurant. I was in Jeff mode all the way, but Grandma Pierce noticed my hair and skin. “Jeffery, you are going to have girls jealous with your hair and complexion looking as they do. Have you been into your sister’s stuff?” I and my family were looking around to see if anyone had told her. She said, “You must have a girlfriend you are trying to impress?” Grandma sees the various expressions of our family but no one’s talking. Finally, she asks, “What’s up, something’s going on?”

“Nothing Mom, it’s nothing,” Mom says, hoping to defuse grandma’s curiosity. Grandma is sitting across from me and she is looking, searching. Luckily, the rest of the dinner after that was uneventful and we went to our grandparents for the birthday celebration. Aunt Joy and her family Uncle Tom and a cousin were there. My folks and my grandparents gave me the traditional boring gifts of shirts, jeans, and a new jacket. Well, the Steeler’s coat was not boring.

Grandma called me out to the kitchen to help serve the cake and ice cream. “So what’s up that people aren’t talking about? You’re not one to be embarrassed if you had a girlfriend.” I tried staying silent, “What’s with you wearing a dainty gold chain?”

I became nervous realizing she saw Margaret’s gift. “Let’s serve the ice cream and cake, but we’re talking before you leave, understand?” I nodded yes and we served the cake and ice cream.

While Aunt Joy and Rachel clean up, Grandma takes Mom and me off to her room. “Connie and Jeffery, what’s going on? Can I see the necklace you have on?” Mom was surprised as she hadn’t noticed it.

I confess, “It’s just a gift our neighbor Margaret gave me at school.”

Grandma says, “A little girly, isn’t it? Does it have something to do with the silence I’m getting?” Mom looks to me to let me know she’s going to say something.

She says, “Mother, I didn’t know about the necklace, but yes I think it has something to do with what’s going on. Rachel caught Jeff in her stuff. Instead of screaming and getting angry she dressed him up and made him up in her stuff.”

Grandma cuts in, “Like what happened with Robert a few years ago. But his hair and skin look like more than one time playing a girl. Should I have gotten him a skirt and blouse for his birthday?” Grandma was neither surprised nor amused when we tried holding back giggles.

She said, “Margaret’s gift is not a Cracker Jack’s chain, she thinks your feminine side is serious, doesn’t she? Jessie has a stronger aura around her than Roberta.”

We talked for another fifteen, thirty minutes. There was an understanding of not rushing to any decisions. Grandma did acknowledge she’s not fully surprised, “If this continues, sometime I would like to see and talk with Jessie. I hope you are going to see someone.”

The drive home was quiet, but it became apparent that Dad was uncomfortable with how things were progressing. He talked to Rob alone when we got home. Mom talked to me. “Your Dad has decided to take Rob into the city tomorrow. I think when you get up tomorrow it might be good for you to be in girl mode after they leave. Wear your other outfit and then change before going to see Cinderella.” I complained but Mom stressed, “You should strive to be a girl that Susan can relate to, or chance being found out as Jeff in a dress.”

I slept a bit late in the morning not anxious to face my Dad and hear anything about Jessie. I was kind of angry as I first dressed in my other outfit. As I put on a light amount of makeup, my anger dissipated. Now the small heart necklace was appropriate around my neck. I liked the feel of panties under my skirt, I twirled as I stepped into the kitchen thinking I was alone. Mom saw me from the nook and Rachel was entering the kitchen behind me. Rachel was going to comment on my antics but was more impressed with my makeup job. “Mom said we should let him do his makeup today.”

Rachel and Mom were both surprised I had done my makeup on my own. I guess it was good enough. Rachel showed me a couple of places to improve what I did. Mom said, “If you go out where someone will see you, make sure you check your makeup. You might want to wear your necklace.”

We had chicken salad sandwiches for lunch with vegetable sticks carrots, celery, and green pepper. Lighter and not what I’m used to, but I enjoyed eating as another girl with my Mom and sister. There was a surprise at the end of lunch as Mom put a wrapped gift on the table. “Since this might be the last time you’re Jessie, we got something for you to wear tonight.”

I said, “Mom a girl doesn’t go getting dressed up to go to the movies. I am quite comfortable with the dress. It is pretty but not overdone.”

Mom and Rachel both giggle; Rachel says, “This won’t be visible in the way you are thinking, but it will make you feel more like a regular girl.”

It felt like two boxes wrapped together; first I carefully loosened the pretty ribbon around it. Impatience got the better of me and I tore the paper and found two boxes each about five inches square. I gently lifted the lid off of one and peeled back the paper and couldn’t believe what I was staring at. Rachel said, “I think that one is for the left side.”

“You’re telling me, they’re not interchangeable,” I giggled.

Rachel joked, “To a boy who is not wearing them maybe. I think you will understand when you’re wearing them.” With that Mom helped open the other box and she lifted one breast form and I lifted what Rachel said would be my left breast.

“Mom, I’m totally surprised. I don’t know what to say other than thank you. I think it will help me to end this with no regrets.” Mom handed me the boxes and guided me upstairs to my room.

I had to take off my blouse and bra and lay down on my bed. Mom used one form to center on the nipple on my right side and another for the left breast form. She used an applicator to spread what she said was a special adhesive. They were very fussy as they set the breasts in each area. She places one of my hands gently on each breast form. Press down gently, don’t move, and stay still until we tell you it is okay to sit up.”

Mom said it was five minutes, it felt longer. With a smile on her face, Rachel moved one hand and spread makeup over where the edges of the forms and my chest met. If one could tell beforehand where the edges were it became impossible as the makeup dried. I sat up and Mom handed me my bra back. I reached my hands through the straps and leaned forward letting my new breasts fit into the cups. “Who taught you to do that young woman?” I didn’t have an answer as I reached behind to hook the bra behind my back. Previously I had latched any bra in front and turned it around. My eyes were caught on the pretty ladies that now appeared as my breasts.

Mom was standing in front of me I knew she had questions, but I felt the need to hug her and say “Thanks.” I then put my blouse back on and walked downstairs to see the difference. The back doorbell rang and Margaret called back in. I was in front of Rachel’s long mirror, the difference was remarkable. Though in a way, I guess one didn’t know the difference if one didn’t look for it.

Margaret stepped into Rachel’s room, “So what are you admiring, you already know you make a pretty girl.”

Without thinking I turn to her and cupped my breasts, Margaret blurts out as she’s giggling. “You got her breast forms so she can go to the movies? My are you going to see Cinderella or trying to be her!” We all began to giggle uncontrollably.

Margaret said, “Get together and let me get a picture of the Preston women.” She took several pictures. She quickly sent copies to Mom and Rachel. They looked like ordinary pictures of a mother and her daughters.

Mom asked Margaret, “Would you like to go shopping with us, Jessica needs to get a new pair of shoes?” There was a store fifteen minutes away, ‘Simple Elegance’. Mom said it has a full range of shoes that a woman might want. I sat up front on our way.

I could hear Margaret ask Rachel a question, “Your Mom must think it is not stopping here?” I listened for Rachel’s response but the sound of traffic interfered with me hearing her answer. The question echoed in my thoughts. Originally I was to get a pair of blue flats; Rachel spoke up and said, “Her legs will look nicer with two-inch heels.”

I agreed to wear try two-inch heels but nothing greater. I didn’t agree that we should buy them. I didn’t think it would make a difference until I tried them. I was tempted to wear a three-inch heel but I was not too sure of my balance when I tried a pair. I got a pretty pair of blue heels with gold trim. Everyone agreed that they would go well with my dress.

I wanted to get dressed as soon as we came back from shopping, but Mom said I had to wait until after 5:30 p.m. She was afraid I would mess up my clothes and makeup. Come five o’clock Rachel told me I was to take a shower. My sister handed me some powder as I went to take my shower. “Use it after you are completely dry but don’t use it very much. Like makeup less is better.”

I took my shower, making sure I shampooed and conditioned my hair. I even shaved my legs despite seeing little sign of any hair. The only difference was how my smooth legs felt after I shaved using my sister’s shaving gel.

My mother opened the door to the bathroom a crack and set a pair of panties and a half-slip inside. “Put them on before you come out.” She asked, “How did it feel showering with your two attachments?”

I said, “Mom that is embarrassing.”

Once I was done they had me come out and go into Rachel’s room to finish dressing and getting ready. It was in getting a pair of pantyhose from Rachel’s dresser that I discovered her disc of birth control pills.

When Rachel, as well as Mom, was out of the room I quickly went and took one of her pills. I knew it wouldn’t change me, but I couldn’t resist the temptation and dreams that would come with it. Then I was asked to get out of her room so she could finish getting ready.

Five minutes before we were to leave Rachel called me back into the room; she was holding the disc of pills in her hand. “Close the door behind you little brother, we have a problem.” My head was down with remorse that I had given in to the temptation so easily. “Will you own up to having been into these pills? I don’t know what you think you were doing, you know it’s not acceptable.”

“I’m sorry it won’t happen again.”

She smirked, “You said that earlier this week about dressing as a girl. And this is the third time this week so that doesn’t make me feel comfortable about your word. Mom is going to be less pleased than I am.”

Excitedly, “No, you can’t tell Mom, please?”

Rachel said, “Mom already talked to me about this kind of stuff. She said it is a must that I tell her.”

I didn’t think it was a big deal. I am both angry and scared about Rachel telling Mom. “Rachel, no way.” I calm down, “You talked me into going out. Can you at least wait until tomorrow, so I can go out tonight?”

She smiles, “I wasn’t going to tell her tonight. Now grab your purse, be a good girl, and let’s get out of here.” She jokes, “You know it takes a full month of using them to protect you from getting pregnant.”

“Yuck, I don’t want to even think that.” She giggled as she knew she grossed me out. Mom and Dad allowed us to use the new Chrysler 300. Dad commented there were to be no boys in the car. I didn’t think that was funny either.

It did dawn on me at that point that the girls might be talking about boys and I needed to be ready for any comments.

It was twenty minutes to the movie theater and Tiffany and Susan were already in line. We paid them to get our tickets. Susan began talking to me right from the start and the first question was, “Do you have a boyfriend?”

I said, “No our Mom won’t let me date until I’m fifteen.”

Susan asked, “How about at school is there at least a boyfriend there or someone you are kind of close to?” She said, “It is fun watching you squirm a little with these questions.” She then pulls me close, “I squeezed the truth out of my sister. I already knew Rachel didn’t have a little sister. You are the cutest boy I’ve ever seen.” With that, she gave me an air kiss on the cheek and stepped back.

I am sure I turned a crimson red and looked to Sis, and all three of them knew and enjoyed my embarrassment. Susan said, “I didn’t remember you having earrings the other night. Do these mean you’re serious about dressing like this? Dah, you must you’re out in public.”

I explained, “No, I got caught that night and had to go out as part of my punishment.”

She smiles, “It doesn’t change the fact you wanted to Tuesday night and you’re here tonight. And you make such a believable girl, I’m impressed.”

I asked, “You don’t think it’s weird?”

Her smile gets even bigger, “I didn’t say that.” She pauses, “I thought about it, and my sister and I talked. In some ways, we wonder why more boys don’t consider dressing in girls' stuff to be so much more attractive. …My sister said, knowing your sister she’s probably had you learn to do some of your makeup.”

I’m looking around making sure no one is listening to our conversation. We get our tickets and Susan tells me to get a small popcorn and diet coke we can share. I wasn’t arguing and got the coke and popcorn. We were now in the theater. Previews soon started which I usually watch but Susan kept talking with me. I asked her if she had a boyfriend. She pulled out a picture, showed it to me, and asked, “Do you think he’s hot?”

I said, “Are you asking me?”

“Yes, I’m not assuming, and as my girlfriend, for tonight I am asking.”

“I guess if you like him he’s hot.”

Susan looks at a boy coming up the aisle probably getting snacks. “Who’s hotter him or my boyfriend?”

I said, “He’s probably a year older and bigger built than your boyfriend.”

Susan says, “You think so, you must be attracted to him. …When he comes back we can see if he’s with a girl. Maybe you can get a date with him.”

I try to slink down in my seat but feel the dress ready to ride up my butt. Susan squeezes my hand and whispers, “I’ll quit teasing so you can enjoy watching the movie.” I look over to Rachel and I know she’s happier as I sit up and quit moving around.

The boy, we’re calling him Adam, comes walking back and we follow him with our eyes as he sits down with two other guy friends. Luckily the movie soon starts. Lily James makes a very pretty Cinderella. I can’t help but imagine having a fairy godmother who could make me that pretty. I found myself whispering back and forth as Jessie with Susan. Susan usually speaks first and I respond: “Doesn’t she make a beautiful Cinderella?” … "Yes”.

“Ou those sisters and that stepmother” "Yes I agree.” Near the very end, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful to wear a beautiful dress like that?”

“Yes, it would be lovely.” I caught myself, “I didn’t mean that.”

“Shush,” says Susan, “Yes, you did but that’s alright.”

I enjoyed the movie and was so totally freaked out about what Susan and Tiffany thought of me. We’re going to give them a ride home as their Mom had driven them to the theatre. We stopped at dinner mostly for time to talk. I was starving. We ordered and then Susan insisted I follow her to the women’s room; whispering, “Do I need to tell you how to behave?”

I did need to use the toilet and was embarrassed as it was more work than usual. ‘Dah: panties, pantyhose, and a dress.’ I remembered Rachel was saying, “Wipe your front too.” I enjoyed acting like a girl, even more than I imagined.

When we stopped at the Taylors to take Tiffany and Susan home, we had to stop and go in and say hello and goodbye. It became obvious to me that Mrs. Taylor knew I was a boy, though she didn’t say anything. It became just as obvious that Mr. Taylor didn’t…

To be continue…

=^_^=

Rachel was delighted as we rode home that she could talk about Cinderella in a civil discussion with her little sister. She said, “Quit pretending and tell me honestly what you thought as Jessie?”

I said, “I’m willing to talk, but I would like to hear what you liked about it first.”

Rachel said, “First of all, I was thankful I had a sister to take with me. It's fun having a sister, I could look over and see you enjoying the movie. I remember growing up and Mom and I seeing the original on together. And since then, I’ve enjoyed the remakes and pretending. When I was five and you were just a baby, I was Cinderella for Halloween. I am so glad they made this movie and we saw it together.”

I said, “I can’t believe I enjoyed it as much as I did. I think being dressed up helped in imagining the story. I got caught up in the feelings she must have been having. I think I would have liked it as Jeff, just not in the same way. You're like the fairy godmother for me.” The thought came to my mind, “Are you going to tell Mom what I say or how much I liked the movie?”

Rachel slowed the car, “No, tonight was between you and me. Mom might enjoy what you have to say, but that is for you to tell her or not.”

I said, “Can you believe a girl’s waist can be that small and she can be that beautiful. I know it’s a movie, but it wasn’t animated. She looked awesome, I mean beautiful. I could only imagine how that must feel to be beautiful like her or you.”

Rachel said, “Yes she did. Would you have noticed that before this week?” I admitted, "Not likely, not like I did tonight."

We were home too soon for me; I was worried about seeing Mom and being questioned. I was again feeling guilty about being dressed as a girl. It was close to midnight.

Mom was still up reading a book and Dad was in their room watching TV or sleeping. Mom suggested, “Jessie, why don’t you get upstairs and start taking a shower. I will be up in a little while to make sure you’ve gotten all your makeup off. You can wear your nightgown and stay in Jessie mode until morning.”

I was relieved to get away, though I was half worried that Rachel would tell on me when I went upstairs. It was neat to be able to undress and take care of my dress and clothes without any attention or teasing. I was in the shower partly dreaming about ending the day still as a girl. I use a mirror to make sure I got off all the makeup.

I had pat dried myself off pretty well and wrapped a towel around me to go back to my room. Mom was coming up the stairs as I hurriedly slipped into my bedroom. She said, “I can see by the way you wrapped the towel around you that your mind is still in girl mode. When you have on your nightshirt please let me know so I can come in to visit.”

It was a couple of minutes before I was dried enough that I was at ease in putting on the nightgown. Somehow the satin felt especially nice tonight. “I’m ready Mom.” She was soon in the room with a hairbrush in her hand. I sat next to her hoping she was wanting to brush out my hair.

She said, “Even Jeff should make sure he brushes out his hair while it is still damp so it dries properly. It helps to first comb it keeping tangles out and messy hair down to a minimum.” It seemed so easy for her to brush it out. I liked my hair long. Like Jeff, I worried about continuing to have it. Brushing this much makes my hair look too nice to be a guy’s head of hair. I wish I was more comfortable with what I like and not worry about others.

Mom and I talked a little, “So do you think Tiffany's sister Susan had any clue that you were anything but another girl?”

I said, “Didn’t Rachel tell you; Susan remembered Rachel didn’t have a little sister. She stunned me, by saying I made a pretty girl. She said it was kind of weird and yet it made sense that boys might be interested in how pretty girls' stuff felt and looked at them. She had fun teasing me and trying to get me to say I thought her boyfriend was hot.”

“So she showed you a picture, do you think he or other boys are hot?”

“Mom yuck, why would you ask something silly like that too?”

Mom says, “I guess since you make such a pretty girl and you even can sound like one, it makes one curious?”

I quickly say, “Mom, you’re not thinking I'd like boys do you?”

Mom changed the subject and talked about the movie. “Rachel wouldn’t say anything when I asked if you might have imagined yourself in 'Cinderella’s shoes.”

“That’s because of our conversation. She said what I told you was up to me. I’m not a girl, I want to make that very clear. I was just pretending to be a girl, I enjoyed the movie as Jessie in a different way from Jeff. I could see how Cinderella would be taken with Prince Charming loving her. From a girl’s point of view, he was way more handsome than Susan’s boyfriend or Adam.”

=^..^=

Mom said, “The reason I came up here in addition to saying goodnight, was to talk about something Grandma said about you seeing a counselor. You, Dad, and I had already talked about it. Yesterday I called around and found a woman psychiatrist who has worked with people with gender issues.”

I interrupted, “Mom, I don’t have a problem. It is nothing I can’t handle.”

She said, “Then you shouldn't have a problem seeing her. If that’s the case, it should be one time and done. This is the third time this week you’ve dressed and enjoyed yourself as a girl. I have made an appointment for you for a week from Tuesday.”

“Mom, do you think I’m gay or something? I don’t have a problem.”

Mom hugged me, “No, I don’t think you’re gay, it’s the or something I want to check about. I don’t think dealing with things is a problem.” Mom went on to say, “I’m not saying you can’t dress up as Jessie, but unlike Thursday you need to be upfront about dressing up as Jessie. If you dress up again we will sit down and talk about things.”

I said, “Mom, I’m not going to dress as a girl again and I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t have anything to say. I’ll see this doctor, what’s her name, and that will be it. Then it will all be finished.”

Mom calmly stayed with me, “Her name is Dr. Elizabeth Hunt. Jeff, this is not like you. We have gone the extra mile the past week. I’m seeking to be here for you and help you. Please just relax, if you like being a girl, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. If you haven’t noticed your sister, I and half the world are female.”

I realized I had become agitated for reasons I did not understand. “Sorry Mom, I’d just like to end tonight as I am. Tomorrow things can return to normal.”

=^..^=

I woke up in the morning; Mom and Rachel were going to church and wanted the rest of us to go with them. I said yes and was going to go, but my hair wanted to keep its feminine curls. “Mom, I’ve changed my mind, I’m staying home.”

Rachel came to see what my problem was and I pointed to my hair. She said, “How about I show you how to achieve a tousled look?” She used just a small amount of body stuff, blew my hair, and then had me run my hands through my hair, throwing it in different directions as I shook my head the desired look was reached.

Instead of church, the three of us went to get breakfast and then for a walk at nearby a wildlife park. It was a relaxing time. I guess we all needed it. I was the one who took the conversation to be about me being a girl. “I want to thank you two. I had a fun week. I learned there’s a lot more work to being a girl than I ever thought. I’m sorry Mom, but I didn’t even realize how pretty you are. People say it often, but I just thought of you as my mom and didn’t notice. It was kind of the same with Rachel. Though I knew she was attractive.”

They giggle and asked me to talk. “Well, it was like after she caught me and helped me to dress and look like a pretty girl. I realized she was way more beautiful. I loved looking at her as she helped me. I don’t remember considering that stuff before. You both taught me being a woman is more than surface beauty and is more than clothes and makeup. When you realized I was an airhead, you didn’t laugh at me, you helped me to learn by experiencing things.”

“Partly, I felt guilty and weird for liking it. But to see my nails shaped and painted and to look and see myself in the mirror made a person feel good. I didn’t mean for you to think I’m a girl. I’m not sure why I dressed up on Thursday. I guess I wanted to make sure that come last night, I could look like a girl again or I wasn’t going out.”

Mom and Rachel both said how they enjoyed their time with Jessie. Rachel said, “Somehow, even on that first Tuesday, Jessie picked up a voice. It was something how you could carry a conversation like a girl. It was like you have a gentle side yet something more. I enjoyed having a sister. You were able to relax in my room and last night you carried a conversation with Susan.”

I said, “I had to, I didn’t want to be discovered by those around us. I was surprised at how well you had taught me not only about clothes and makeup, but acting like a girl. When I went to the girls’ room it was like I heard your voice telling me what to do. I appreciated that.” I giggle, “I can’t think, I’ll be able to use that ever again.”

Rachel asks, “You don’t think you’ll want to do that again? You have two outfits you can wear, even a pretty nightgown.”

I said, “Even if I would get the urge; I don’t think I’d want the hassle. You've enjoyed each of the times I became Jessie.”

I changed the subject. “We should be talking about you, graduation, your prom, and college. I know you’re accepted to State University, but I can’t remember if that’s where you’re going or what you want to study?”

=^..^=

The days passed with only a small growing distraction until I caught up with Margaret walking home from school. “So how is it going for you to be back to normal Jeff? I miss Jessie.”

I paused long and hard about what to say. Margaret spoke again, “You miss it don’t you?”

I said, “It’s not like that. I’d get hassled if I even thought of dressing up again.”

Margaret stops walking and looks at my face to face. “You enjoyed it and you can’t tell me with a straight face that you wouldn’t enjoy doing it again.’ She paused, “ What if I had an idea for us to go shopping Saturday and no one would need to know? You could go shopping with me.”

“If I did anything with you, my Mom and Rachel would both suspect something. Whatever you’re thinking it won’t work.”

Margaret says, “But you’d like to if others didn’t know. You know you could say you’re going over Troy’s or another friend, put your clothes in your backpack. Then on Saturday, you can walk down the street like you’re walking to their house. Then you'd sneak back to our house from the other direction. Mom would give us a ride up to the Blue Star Shopping Center. We could use one of the family courtesy rooms for you to change. We would enjoy the day, change back, and come home by bus. I've done it with friends before. You wouldn't have to buy anything but we could have a lot of fun.”

I say, “It sounds like fun but." I can't believe I just said that "No!”

Margaret says, “Try setting it up with one of your friends. If it works out great, if not, you tried and no harm. It’s just I have it in my head that it would be fun to go shopping with Jessie. That she and I could be friends and that I could help her, one time. My boyfriend Jack is away this weekend so it would be an ideal time for us to have a girls' time together.”

I was studying that night when I decided to call Troy. I called and his mother answered. “Mrs. Hampton is Troy there; I was wanting to see about getting together this Saturday.”

His mother said, “No, he’s out just now and won’t be back until late. But I can tell you it won’t work for this Saturday. His team has an indoor track meet and he’ll be gone all day.”

'Hmm, the excuse of being with Troy would work, even Troy wouldn’t need to know.'

I call downstairs, “Mom and Dad would it be okay if I bummed around with Troy this Saturday?”

It was a short while later I called Margaret, “I shouldn't be doing this but it will work if you are still open to me shopping with you.”

Margaret’s voice was pure joy. She was quickly busy giving me some instructions. “Plan to wear your skirt/blouse outfit.” She instructed me on how to pack it to reduce any wrinkles. “I’d suggest you wear your bra with a heavy sweatshirt over it. You can also wear a panty and pantyhose under your jeans, no one will know. Remember to pack your flats and a small purse with your makeup, brush, tissue, and stuff. We can talk Friday to make sure everything is good for Saturday.”

Mom checked my closet for my girl's clothes on Thursday. I was there and asked, “Mom is it okay if I moved them to the back of the closet. Sometimes if Troy, Max, or the other guys would come over I don’t want them seeing girl clothes hanging in my closet.”

Mom said, “You’re always going over to their houses; they never come here. But I can appreciate what you’re saying and that would be fine.” That night I begin to dream of going shopping and how much fun we could have. I dream about being a real girl and Margret accepting me as her best friend. I know Margaret will want to give me extra attention. I find that I’m excited just thinking about her fussing over me.

=^..^=

I have fun getting my clothes and makeup ready without anyone knowing. Jessie likes the idea of being a sneaky girl.

I put on Margaret’s necklace Saturday morning but made sure it couldn’t be seen under my sweatshirt. The same was true with my bra. I like that my panties were a pretty pastel pink and the pantyhose was nude. I enjoyed how they feel in addition to making sure no one could tell I was wearing them. My boy parts were tucked and out of sight. I had packed my purse and the extras Friday night and waited until Saturday morning to gently fold and pack my skirt and blouse. I was hoping my mother and sister would think I was excited about doing things as a boy.

I was up without any fuss in the morning. I made my bed, ate breakfast, and was ready to leave the house by 9:00 a.m. As I was ready to leave Mom said, “Come here, I need to check some things.”

I walk over to her afraid about what she’s going to do or say. She teased me by putting her hand on my forehead to feel if I was sick with a temperature. “Jeff are you sure you're feeling alright, I see your bed is made and you’ve done everything you should. It’s like a little of Jessie has rubbed off on you. I’m glad I don’t see even a hint of makeup. You’re going to be at Hampton's right? You have your phone on you. Do you have any money or do you need any?”

“I have five or ten dollars Mom, but I don’t think I’d need any more.” Mom grabs her purse and hands me another fifteen dollars, “Here take this and if you would need it, you have your card for emergencies. Behave and have a good time.”

=^..^=

I breathed a sigh of relief as I left the house and walked past Margaret’s house and down to the end of the block. I watched my house as I made my way cautiously back to Margaret’s and went up to their door on the side away from our house.

Margaret had us wait in the house until her mother had the car running and was ready to take us to the shopping center. Their driveway is on the other side of the house. Her mother said, “You know Jeffery you’re going to make some girl very happy, most boys don’t like going shopping. Margaret has a hard time even talking with her boyfriend Jack about shopping with her. Are you sure you won’t get bored?”

I say, “I’m enjoying our being close friends again. Even if she would get carried away in trying outfits, I think she’s too pretty for it to get boring.” Margaret’s mother laughs. We are dropped off at Kohls on the east end of the shopping center. I’m nervous as Margaret has spilled water on the front of my clothes to give us a reason for using the restroom. She pulls me into the empty family restroom. A few people passing by giggled as she does so.

It is five quick minutes for me to change out of Jeff’s clothes and begin dressing. Margaret hands me my ruffled skirt and satin print blouse. She already stuffed a pair of her socks in each cup of my bra. To save time she did my makeup. She got a lot of satisfaction in doing my make-up. She brushed and tussled my hair but this time it looked very feminine.

Margaret stepped out of the restroom and made sure no one was watching us when I came out. We were at Abercrombie's when Margaret insisted I try on two pairs of designer skinny jeans. She came in as I changed into the first pair. I was afraid I would rip the jeans or that my boy parts would show.

Neither happened, instead, I felt I looked like I had been poured into the jeans. She had me push my boy parts up and away and tuck tightly back my penis. When I stepped out and in front of a mirror I could have died seeing the foxy girl in the mirror. The patterns of the stitching made my legs look sleek and gave curves to my hips which was helpful. If I had the sixty dollars I would gladly have bought them. The second pair was rose pink. I would never have believed I would be wearing such a girly pair of jeans, but I loved them. It was two stores later I bought a pretty camisole. It would hardly take any room in my backpack. 'Congratulations Jessie, it’s a successful girl’s time out shopping.'

Halfway through the shopping center, we picked up four boys following us. They would talk to us and follow us to store after store often staying outside. Mostly they were interested in Margaret, but after the third store window we shopped at, Chuck began to talk and take interest in me. Since it couldn’t mount to anything I thought it was cute and talked with him. It was 3:00 in the afternoon and we were at Macy’s cosmetic area. Then the boys started to ask us out and got upset when we said ‘No’. Margaret grabbed my hand and dragged me over to the intimate apparel area. The boys came as close as they dared to and were insisting we allow them to at least drive us home.

=^..^=

There was a woman thirty-something ready to pay for some things she was buying. Margaret asks her, “Excuse us, but we need a little help” looking back in the direction of the boys, “would you mind if we adopted you as our aunt until those boys get the message, we’re with you and they leave us alone?”

She smiled, “I’m your Aunt Beth if case you need to know and I’d be happy if you two would be my nieces for the afternoon. Some boys can be slow in taking a hint, can’t they? Now you girls wouldn’t have heated the situation by taking interest in them earlier.”

I said, “Well, I talked with Chuck some. He’s cute, he’s the one with curly sandy blond hair, but mostly they liked Margaret because she’s so pretty.”

The woman introduces herself, “I’m Beth Hunt. Would you please let me know the names of my two nieces?”

I recognized the name, “You’re not Dr. Elizabeth Hunt are you?”

She said, “Yes, I am, should I know you?”

I confess, “I’m going to be a new client of yours on Tuesday, but I'm embarrassed to say I won’t be looking like this.”

Dr. Elizabeth is quietly muttering to herself, “I see and I understand.” She says, "I only have one new client early in the week. Let me pay for this and then we can shop together until you’re ready to leave.”

Beth says, “You present yourself well Jessie; did Margaret or anyone at home help you?”

Margaret was happy to tell her, “I helped with her makeup to save time, but she’s learning.”

Beth asks, “So how did you get started dressing as a girl?”

“He’ll tell you, it’s just been a couple of weeks, but his sister Rachel says it’s been longer.” I am surprised by what she said. I can’t look up at this point as I’m not sure what to say. “He’s been a girl a couple of times at Halloween, but I don’t think that is what she was talking about.”

Beth stops as we’re walking, “How many of your friends beside Margaret know you like dressing in girls’ clothes?” She pauses and asks Margaret, “Let Jessie be talking for herself.”

I say, “Margaret’s the only one, and she accidentally found out.” Margaret was too anxious to keep quiet, “She might not be a friend, but a girl named Susan found out he was a girl. When they went to see Cinderella last Saturday. Her sister is a good friend of Rachel’s and they both took their little sisters to see the new movie.”

Margaret looked at the time and said, “Jessie’s going to need to change so we can catch the 4:00 bus home.”

Beth said, “I’ll take you home. I’ve seen some boys looking at you and I want to make sure you get home safely.”

I kind of panic, “No, I need to change. We’ll be safe, I can’t go home like this.”

Beth says, “You’re a minor and I need your parents to know that I’ve seen you, my client, in public. I could be in trouble otherwise, I hope you don’t want that. Do either of you need to get anything before we go?” I’m ready to cry and I don’t want to move.

“Jesse, if I recall right, your Mom called and your Dad knows and they’re both being supportive. I suspect you were told not to dress up as Jesse and that is what is making you afraid. Am I right?”

“When I left the house I was in my regular clothes as Jeff, my parents are going to be very upset.” My phone rings and I can tell it is my Mom calling.

“Hi, Mom.”

“…You’re not at Troy’s where are you? I called Troy’s house expecting to find you there, but Mrs. Hampton said Troy wasn’t at home and that you knew that days ago. I see your other outfit is gone so I expect you’re Jessie. I’m surprised you went out as Jessie, who are you with?”

“I’m sorry Mom but Margaret asked me to go shopping with her as Jessie. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”

Beth said, “Let me talk with your mother please.”

“Mom, Dr. Hunt wants to talk to you.”

“Hello, Mrs. Preston, I bumped into Jessie while she was shopping and she already knew me. That is how I found out who she is. …If it is alright, I’d like to give the two of them a ride home so I can visit you and Jessie. …Yes, it would be good to speak with your husband as well.”

“Thanks, it’s good to know where you live, I guess it could be twenty to thirty minutes to get there. We’ll see you then.”

=^..^=

Dr. Hunt had us sit in the back seats and we gave directions the closer we got to home. She gave Margaret the option to go home or stop at my house first. Margaret chose to go home.

We parked in the driveway and went to the front door. I was praying no one saw us. Several cars passed, but I didn’t look to see if they noticed. Mom greeted us at the door and Dad got up from his chair to greet Dr. Hunt. Mom offered her chair to Dr. Hunt and she sat with me on the couch.

Dr. Hunt spoke up, “They approached me at Macy’s because some boys were taking too much interest in the pretty girls. I quickly became Aunt Beth. When Jessie heard I was Beth Hunt she put two and two together and asked if I knew Dr. Elizabeth Hunt. Soon after that, she confessed to being my new client for Tuesday; who happened to be a boy. Things unraveled from there and that was when you called looking for her/him. I thought it best to make sure things were out in the open.”

My Dad asks, “Is it normal for a boy like him to lie and deceive his parents? Saying one thing and doing another. I’m getting tired of this. This is a change from how he usually acts.”

Dr. Beth says, “I can’t answer for him, but some like him have so much trouble in dealing with themselves. They can say yes or promise something planning to do as they promise. Not keeping their word is often a sign of how strong their compulsion is. He may even tell himself he doesn’t want to be a girl, but the desire at any time can be so strong as to cause an unbearable conflict .”

I was too nervous to have heard and comprehended much of what the others just said. “I don’t know why I was doing well. Then Margaret asked me to go shopping. I said it wouldn’t work. But when Troy wasn’t going to be home, I thought it wouldn’t hurt anyone. Somehow I just wanted one more experience as Jessie.”

“I lied when I let you believe it just started two weeks ago. It started when I couldn’t sleep in Rachel’s room because she was growing up. First I just wanted her blanket or a doll or stuffed animal.”

It was as I wasn't talking, I realized everyone was listening to me. I panicked and I went running out of the room, but Rachel was there. She caught me and hugged me. “Stop running away, you’re not in trouble like you imagine.” She walked me back to the living room.

Dr. Hunt introduced herself, “Are you Rachel, Jesse’s big sister?” Once introductions are over she asks, “Rachel would you please go up with him to his room or take him to your room and stay with Jess. She can stay as she is or change her clothes. I’d like to talk to your parents for a short time if that is okay.”

It was close to a half-hour before I was invited back to meet with them. Dad speaks, “We’ve agreed with Dr. Hunt to allow you to dress as Jessie on Thursdays after school and Saturdays. You’ll meet with Dr. Elizabeth on Tuesdays for as many weeks as helpful. How does that sound to you?”

Jessie said, “Mom and Dad, my word hasn’t been very good. If Dr. Beth wasn’t the person I ran into, I’d probably still deny I have issues. I’m not saying I want to dress as Jessie but I can’t honestly say…” I began to cry, turning to hug Rachel the tears flow out.

Rachel pats me on the back and whispers for me, “Let the tears come, Jesse/Jeff, it is okay to cry.” She pauses and then asks, “Do you have mascara on? I’m wearing a good top.” I begin to giggle and it causes me to lose control and I start crying.

=^..^=

Dr. Hunt was leaving as Rob came home. Upon seeing me and looking back at the woman leaving, he said, “Did Jessie get caught again doing something? I thought you called me home because we’re going out to eat with Grandma and Granddad again.”

Mom says, “O gracious, we lost track of time. Rachel, do you have a light coat Jessie can use?”

I say, “Mom, I can’t go like this. It will be too embarrassing if Grandma sees me dressed like this.”

Dad interrupts, “You’re the one who dressed up as Jessie. She did tell you and your mother that she wanted to talk to you sometime. I guess this is it.”

I was ready to throw a fit, but now Mom interrupted me, “If you try to throw a tantrum, I will take you to my room and show you how I deal with spoiled little girls. Do you want to try me? Now let your sister help fix your makeup so we can go soon.”

I guessed Mom text, Grandma, as we went to a Chinese restaurant which meant Granddad wasn’t along. He doesn’t like Chinese and we go there when Grandma wants to meet without him. Grandma greets me and took my hand to make sure I sat with her. “It was a surprise to see you so soon Jessie. …I must say you make a prettier granddaughter than I imagined you would. Is that part of the fascination of being a girl?”

Mom spoke up, “Mother, you might be pleased to know that I already have an appointment for Jessie with a specialist. Jessie inadvertently met her today when she snuck out of the house to go shopping. It seems the doctor got a firsthand opportunity to meet our would-be daughter.”

The rest of the dinner went well except for Grandma asking Rachel to take me to the women’s restroom. It didn't make me nervous to be in the women’s room, just embarrassed that Grandma knew I was there.

Our trip to take Grandma home was side-tracked to a department store where Grandma bought each of her granddaughters a new outfit for going with her to her church in the morning. The new outfit was an added incentive for Rachel. I wasn't pleased which set off Grandma’s stubborn side.

Grandma picked out a red print skirt which I balked at; she then picked out a cute pink skirt but it was noticeably shorter. It was not short, short but the hem would be above my knees. I once again said no, but this time Grandma said, “I wasn’t asking and if you hesitate in trying it on for me; the next one will be even shorter.”

I took the skirt and headed to the women’s changing rooms. Mom handed me an off-blue camisole with a white knit pullover top. I walked to the changing rooms with Rachel, and Rachel said, “You’re lucky they’re buying you something attractive. It could have been something intended to embarrass you.” Rachel needed to remind me she would be able to see through the knit top to see the cami. It was the layered look that was then in fashion.

I called over to my sister in the changing rooms, “Rachel would it be okay if I told them it fits and I like the outfit? I am not comfortable wearing it to show Grandma, especially with Dad and Rob there”

Rachel said, “You already know that will not suffice with Grandma. Seemingly Dad and Rob need to get comfortable with seeing you. Does it seem strange Jeff to hear people saying ‘you are cute or pretty? …Wait for me and we’ll go show our outfits together. I bet you never expected your sister to suggest that?

It was fun to do it together. Dad said, “I can’t believe you’re showing yourself in public like that?” Mom elbowed him in the ribs.

Rachel got Dad off balance by saying, “Dad, I think her outfit is quite nice and you’re just an old fuddy-duddy.”

Dad said, “I didn’t mean to hurt her…”

Mom elbowed Dad again and Rachel interrupted him, “Well you might not have intended to hurt feelings, but you did? You always favor something else.” A woman was walking by and Rachel asked her, “Would you give me your opinion? Do you think these outfits are nice enough to wear to church tomorrow with our Grandmother?”

The woman looked sternly at Dad and said, “The outfits are very nice and your father should be proud of both of his daughters and how they look!”

Rachel turned to Dad and said, “Are you satisfied now with how we look?”

Grandma said, “The two of you look very nice, but I have a cosmetician staying for us. I asked her to give Jessie a quick makeover so I can buy a few essentials for her. That is if your father doesn’t object.”

Dad didn’t dare, Jeff wanted to object, but Jessie was excited about getting some of her makeup…

To be continued…

Chapter 4 – Begins here
A woman named Dorothy was a cosmetician. I thought my Grandma would have chosen an older woman, I’m guessing she’s probably twenty-five. She looks like one of our young teachers, who is attractive. I don’t say anything but I like when she stands in front of me, smiles, and concentrates on doing my makeup.

“Well young lady, you or someone did very well doing your makeup. I hope you don’t mind if I make you up, doing something differently?”

I say, “No Mam, I think that is what my Grandmother wanted. The truth is, I’m kind of excited too. I know I won’t look beautiful like you or my sister. I’d just like my look if you know what I mean. My sister helps me and I look like a younger girl in our family. When Margaret’s done it, I’m pretty but it's more in her style. Do you understand what I mean? What I’m saying probably doesn’t make any sense.”

Dorothy smiles, “It makes good sense. You, your sister, and Margaret have different colors that work best for each of you; you’re an individual not a clone of someone else. You and your sister could use this pink lipstick and this blush to be attractive and show you’re sisters. However, if you use this pink that has a peachier tone, it will flatter you more than her. As a blush, it causes your smile to glow. She showed me the differences in pink eyeshadow. Many girls probably would not use any yellow, but this one gives a warm sunset glow to it for you.”

“If this is the outfit you’ll wear tomorrow to church; please let me quickly use the combination of colors I would suggest.” She quickly cleans off my makeup and begins with the barest of foundation. “I want you to see how a light amount of makeup is all that is needed for you this time young lady.”

“I’m not…” I stop from saying, ‘I’m not a young lady.’

Dorothy looks intently at me and then at my grandmother and mother. She leans down to whisper in my ear, “Tomorrow and any time you are so beautifully adorned, please be comfortable when someone sees and compliments you as a ‘lady’.” She dabs my eyes softly with a tissue, “No tears, accept that you are attractive and be appreciative.”

“This light blue you’d use as an eyeshadow with the golden yellow glow above it is special to you. Your sister is forewarned not to use it.”

Upon finishing my makeup, she turns to my father and asks, “Dad, what do you think now of how your daughter looks?”

I’m worried as I turn to look at my father and he speaks, “I am taken with how each of the women in my life has their beauty. Jessie, you are a very pretty young woman.” It is then I experience the joy of happy tears.

Dorothy says, “I used a very good mascara, but please don’t test it too much.”

We purchase the cosmetics needed for the morning and then some at my father’s insistence. I did not know which of us had grown more tonight. Dorothy stepped forward and gave me a hug and a small gift bag of cosmetics. I was sure she wanted to say something but hesitated and only wished me well.

Luckily the worship service at Grandma’s church was not until 10:00 a.m. and Rachel let me sleep only until 7:30 a.m. “Jessie you needed to get up and shave this morning, both your legs and under your arms.”

I was in the shower doing as asked when I realized someone else had entered the room. Rachel spoke, “Pardon me, but I felt a need to talk to you, Jeffrey. I want to ask how comfortable you are with being Jessie. I like having a sister, but I didn’t mean to force you to become a girl.”

I give a cute giggle, “I’m sorry but I’m shaving where boys don’t. I got a new outfit last night as well as my makeup. Now you’re asking me how comfortable I am being Jessie. I’m not comfortable going to church as Jessie. What can Grandma have been thinking when she suggested this?”

Rachel is silent for a moment, “Grandma is no religious fanatic, but she’s strong in her faith. She loves you and while she is not likely to be telling others right away, she trusts sharing you with God.”

Our family, Mom, Dad, my sister, and my brother, kind of believe, but we’re not very churchy. If Grandma has her way I will be in a confirmation program next year. If they have a form that says ‘male, female’; I'm amused thinking, instead of circling one I just circle both and write ‘yes’. I’m thinking way too far ahead.

“Sis, I need to get out of the shower and get ready. Please go, I’m not that comfortable in you seeing me as much as you have.” Rachel leaves, I rinse out her conditioner. ‘Am I comfortable? Even before I started sneaking Rachel’s clothes, I liked her stuffed animals and playing with some dolls and her dollhouse. I also like being Jeff, and I don’t like choosing.’

I am going back to my room with a towel wrapped around me. Rob yells downstairs. “Mom, you need to get Jessie her robe, if she’s going to go back to her room as a girl.” With that, I’m embarrassed Rob sees me this way. I’m not being mindful of how I’m walking around.

Mom is soon upstairs. She says, “You need to become mindful of how you’re traipsing around, especially as Jessie. This is an old robe of mine and this is an old one of Rachel’s, please use one from now on Jessie."

She said, “We need to be thinking about what to say to others. This morning when you leave this house in the daylight. The neighbors are going to be seeing two girls leaving this house.”

“Then I won’t be going, I just won’t be going. I don’t want to be caught going looking like a girl. I’m not really Jessie anyway!”

Mom giggles, “Well you’ve had me fooled lately. Dressed up in your new outfit from last night. I’ll help you with your new makeup. You will just be another girl who stayed overnight. But, you are going to church and probably out to dinner with Grandma so plan to relax and enjoy yourself.

“Make sure you’re wearing Jessie’s earrings and not Jeff’s. Helen next door would be amused if I let Jeff get girly earrings and I am sure she would easily recognize them. Ask Rachel if she’d allow you to wear her medium-size hoops." Rachel talks me into medium hoops with a blue stone, going with one of my tops.

Our Grandpa drives up and beeps the horn once. We’re walking down the sidewalk when our neighbor Helen calls over saying hello and waving. Rachel whispers, “Just wave gently and go to the car. Do not act as if you know her and don't talk with her when I do.” Rachel said hello and remarked about the nice start to the day.

I got in the back seat on Grandpa’s side and as I turn bringing my feet and legs into the car, I realize Grandma is closely watching. “My Jessie, you act very much like a young woman.”

“Thank you, Grandma,” I reply. “Thanks again for the outfit and cosmetics. What do you think now that you see it all together? Hi Grandpa.”

“To be honest, I am impressed that you look and act very much like a young lady as your sister does.” I leaned over hugged Grandma and kiss. I think it surprised her at first.

Rachel was soon in the car and we were on our way to their church.

Grandpa spoke, “Jessie, we are comfortable giving you room to discover who you are. But if you are comfortable with it, we'll be telling people today you are our niece. Your mother thought I should be the one to tell you. We’ve had more than one ancestor we know of that wrestled with similar things.”

“Your Grandmother doesn’t seem surprised, but I confess, I’m more than a little uncomfortable seeing you as a girl.”

“That’s okay Grandpa, I’m Jeff, not Jessie,” I say.

Rachel giggles, “That is funny when you say that wearing a skirt and using Jessie’s voice.” Grandma chimes in, “We call it denial. You have something to deal with one way or another.”

I guess at their church this was some kind of a youth Sunday. Several young people were singing or helping out in the service. I saw some teens I knew from Grandma’s community. We played sports together when we were younger.

While a number of them looked at us, no one seemed to recognize me. The songs and service were more enjoyable than usual. Grandma said the young people usually attended the earlier service. Rachel and I clapped and moved to the music. We even liked more what they had to say.

Outside the church, Grandma and Grandpa stopped to talk to friends. A boy I knew Johnny Dalton came over to me to say hello. I was thankful when he said, “My name is Johnny Dalton, I don’t know you but I wanted to say hello and welcome you to our church.”

Two girls my age soon came over, “Johnny’s not supposed to be hitting on you just inviting you to go bowling with us this afternoon if you’re still at your grandparents. My name is Darby and this is Haley. We like the way you did your eyes.”

I say, “How is it that it’s always another girl that picks up on the makeup?”

Darby giggles, “Johnny can get mesmerized looking at them, but it takes another girl to see all that you’ve done to look pretty.”

Haley’s saying, “She’s telling you, he doesn’t recognize how hard you worked to blend and used colors to give you such an attractive look?”

Darby and Haley both have a cute moan, “Oh, funny.” Darby continues, “If he’d say something like that I’d be wondering if he were using or what he wanted.” Rachel and I both giggle with them.

Rachel says, “Jessie, we need to be going.”

Johnny speaks up, “So would you be interested in bowling this afternoon around 3:00 p.m.?”

I tell him, “Even if we’re here, I don’t have a suitable change of clothes.”

Grandma was now coming over and heard my reply. “Rachel has an old change of clothes at my house that could serve you well. Darby, you know where we live; could you pick her up and bring her back? I could get her there if need be.”

Darby smiles and says, “If she’s going, I’m sure my brother would be more than happy to give her a ride. Please be ready by 2:45.” Darby addresses Rachel, “The older high schoolers will have their lanes away from us. I’m sure you’d be welcome if you came.”

We were at one of Grandpa’s favorite restaurants when I finally spoke. “Grandma, how could you have set me up to go bowling?”

She said, “How are you going to know if you are a girl unless you get out and be one? Darby’s nice; I’m sure you will have a good time being with her.” With a slight laugh Grandma says, “If you need help bowling, I’m sure the Dalton boy would be happy to show you.”

“Not funny Grandma. It is bad enough that you got me into this.”

Rachel spoke, “I did not hear you saying ‘no’. I think Grandma is right you need the experience of doing things like this. I bet you will bowl on a team with Darby and two boys. Cheering them on will not mean they are candidates for being a boyfriend, you should join Darby in doing that. Eat lite now as you’ll probably be getting pizza with the group.”

On the way from the restaurant, Grandma had us stop at American Eagle, saying, “Let’s see if we can find a nice jeans skirt, and top. I’m not sure what kind of shape Rachel’s old clothes are in.”

I was tired of arguing and losing so I just did as suggested. Rachel talked me into a short pink jeans skirt and black leggings and a white embroidered top. Grandma was pleased and Grandpa shook his head and smiled.

Doing my makeup Rachel suggested a light natural look, minimum makeup, and light with eyeshadow and lip-gloss. I thought the lip gloss had a glimmering, ‘kiss me’ kind of look. Rachel agreed, “I think it is a good cover for a boy as a girl. It is not overdone like a boy would do. A girl wearing it shows she is confident in herself. You need to become confident like that however you are.”

It wasn’t until I saw Darby drive up with her brother, that I realized he was Matt Jacobs. He was a bit more of a hunk than John Dalton. Darby insisted I sit up front as Rachel had decided not to go. Matt was three grades ahead of Darby and me. He had the choice of which group he would bowl with and chose us. Like Rachel had guessed we were in teams. Darby, Matt, Chad, and I were on one team. Matt was either closely in front or behind me several times.

I wasn’t much of a bowler wearing a skirt, even with leggings, I became even less sure of myself. Matt showed me how to hold the ball, keep my wrist and lift the ball back and swing it forward. It did help my bowling but made for anxious moments when I felt his breath twice on my neck.

The next ball I threw, I knocked down nine pins and made the spare with Matt’s direction. When I sat down Darby said, “Matt’s a pretty nice guy, even if he’s my brother.”

I said, “He looks to be a really nice guy.”

Darby said, “You noticed that, did you? You could come over and see me when you’re at Grandma Stephens. You could see if Grandma would be willing to teach you and me how to make pies as she does. Your Grandma seems to be so neat, I always want an excuse to be around her.”

Darby and the other girls insisted it was better to use the women’s room here instead of the pizza place we were going to. Several girls used that as a time to step out of the jeans they were wearing and put on skirts. No one else paid attention, so I just turned away and took care of myself.

The pizza place was nothing special, the guys focused on the pizza and talked about sports. The girls nibbled on a slice or two with hardly any girl drinking a refill. The boys said something to us when they thought their ideas were better. Other than that they chowed down on the pizza and drinks like they were starved.

I was hungry but felt the need to nibble like the other girls.

It was eight o’clock before I got back to my grandparents. I think everyone was happy that I had an ordinary girl time with the group. I wanted to change and not show my parents I had yet another outfit. Grandma insisted they knew and I was going back home as I was.

Grandma and Grandpa came into the house with us. I think Grandma wanted to see the surprise my parents as they did not know what I did or that I had a new outfit.

Mom said, “Wow young lady, you continue to amaze me. I do think leggings were a good idea for bowling in that skirt. No, stories of a guy kissing you or getting your phone number?”

Grandma said, “I think they might have thought about it, but I’m pretty sure Darby had laid down the law to her brother.”

Rachel asked, “Did you recognize he’s a hunk and that he gave you some special attention?”

“It was kind of hard to ignore it. Especially when he felt a need to show me how to bowl. I felt his breath on my neck. I was praying he didn’t notice how anxious he made me.”

Sis said, “What about him, made you anxious as you say?”

“None of your business! Mom, please tell her not to be so nosy.”

Mom said, “I’d suggest that we not share this part of the conversation with your Dad or Rob.” The men were in watching a basketball game, where I usually would be.

I did shower and made sure I got my makeup off. I moisturized my skin even though I changed over to Jeff mode. I was resting in my bed thinking of today and Saturday with Margaret. Grandma’s words that I was in denial came to thought numerous times. Finally, I went down to Rachel’s room where she was doing the last of her homework.

“Rachel, I am Jeff, though I admit Jessie is a part of me. I don’t know how to talk about having feelings as a girl. I’m afraid, I don’t want to lose Jessie or me and you’re the only one I’m half comfortable talking about.”

I could tell Rachel put her computer on sleep mode. That made me feel good as she gave me her full attention. “Jeff, it is good to hear you are willing to talk. You know you can talk to Mom. It is only by doing that that it will become easier to talk and be yourself. I’m not sure where you’ll come out on this. I’m glad to be your sister and you are relaxed enough to visit with me. I'm sorry if I did this to you.”

“You said you could feel Matt’s breath, can I ask how that felt?”

“You won’t laugh at me?”

Rachel says, “I promise, it is a sincere question.”

“I am not usually comfortable with Rob or any guy looking over my shoulder. It is just too close in my space kind of a thing. Well, it’s not like I felt attracted to him, but I wasn’t uncomfortable either. Somehow it wasn’t the same, I kind of liked his help. If I ever am at Grandma’s as Jessie and go over to their house, it would first be as Darby’s friend.”

Rachel casually says, “But you wouldn’t mind if Matt were there. What if he took you for ice cream or a ride?”

“Sis, can we talk about me as Jeff?”

Rachel asks, “It's important to you to continue to be Jeff isn’t it?”

“Yes, but I’m also worried about changing like Rob. He’s right maybe in two years or so I won’t look good as Jessie if I change like he’s doing. I’m content to have fine features as Jeff. Some guys don’t develop until they’re eighteen or so. I think I’d be comfortable with that. Hopefully, I’ll know what I want to do by then.”

Rachel asks, “What do you mean by you’d know what you want to do by then?”

“Well, I’ve searched online. It sounds like a boy or girl could delay some things for a while and may be able to use something to develop later in how they’re comfortable.” I watch Rachel closely for signs that I’m going too far. The only thing she’s done is draw closer and hold my hand.

It is eleven-thirty when Mom sends me off to bed.

Jeff is glad to get back to school. It is to be a fun day as his sister and the high school choir is to sing at their junior high. Three eighth-grade boys decided they give Danny Smothers a hard time. Danny is a fairly effeminate boy in eleventh grade. Dan was also a friend of Rachel’s and the Preston family.

Eighth-grade boys blocked Danny’s way as he came out of the restroom. There weren’t any teachers nearby. The boys chose to mock Danny for the earrings he was wearing. “Hey Danny, you have a pretty fanny and your earrings are kind of girly.” Danny was big enough that he could have fought back, but he wasn’t like that.

Jeff decided to speak up, “Leave him alone, plenty of us have earrings.” A couple of people said ‘Yeah’.

But the guys said, “Yeah but what other boy has as girly earrings as he has?”

Jeff said, “I do, I have at least two sets prettier than those. But that’s not the point, he came here to do us the favor of singing. He shouldn’t be insulted, you’re picking on him because you are fairly sure he won’t fight back.”

It was then that two football players from the high school choir, Jim Robbins and John McBride stepped forward and said, “He might be, but we’re not. You guys can either step forward and apologize or answer to us. One of the three ran but the other two were blocked from their retreat.

Tami, a girl in my class moved next to me as we were ready to go into the auditorium. “We’re you just trying to distract those boys from picking on Danny or do you have girly earrings?”

I said, “What does it matter, everyone will think I do anyway?”

Tami cheerfully said, “My older sister dated Danny a couple of times and says he’s one of the nicest guys she's dated so far. You speaking up kinda made me interested in you.”

Jeff laughed, “Does that mean if I wear girly earrings you would go to Friday’s dance with me?” His question surprised Tami enough to leave her silent as she thought.

“My Mom won’t let me date until I’m in eighth grade and my parents would have to meet you. We can meet at the dance and you can be with me and my friends, not officially as a date.”

Near the end of the concert, the high school choir director asked, “Are there any junior high choir members who have a brother or sister in the high school choir that feels capable of singing with them?” This was a tradition of the spring concert here to encourage junior high students to continue to sing in the high school choir.

Tami jumped up shouting, “We have two sisters in your choir!”

Mister D. recognized her, “Tami Johnson and Jenny that would be good, who’s the other girl?”

“He’s Jeff Preston, but his voice can sing in our range.” Mr. D looks at Rachel Preston and she shakes her head, yes. He says, “I already poked a song for girls, I’ll need to reset it.”

Tami, who’s pulling Jeff behind her, yells back, “I bet he can sing it.” Mr. D looked to Rachel again who said it was likely. He set the words to the prompter and the fun of singing together began and was soon over.

Jeff, however, was now seen in a different light. One, because he had stood up to the three eighth-graders he wasn’t seen as weak. Singing with three girls during the concert showed his tender side. Tami liked him, he didn’t need to wait until Friday to reap benefits. The next day at lunch Tami called across the cafeteria for Jeff to sit with her during lunch. Tami being cute and popular drove Jeff’s interest and he went and sat there.

No sooner had Jeff sat down in a sea of girls than Tami asked, “Did you bring your girly earrings to show us?” The truth was Jeff had brought two pairs of his earrings to show Tami if they were alone. And if it were somehow helpful to his cause. He didn’t intend to show them to others. Unfortunately, he looked toward his shirt pocket, where he had put them so they would not get damaged.

Tami by impulse reached into his pocket without asking and pulled out the two sets of earrings. April sitting on the other side of Jeff said, “I bet you just brought your sister’s earring to impress us?”

Tami spoke up, “He has two spots for earrings, let’s see if they look like they’re his?” She gave April one dangling earring and another with a pink stone. Jeff tried to protect his ear from Tami. He had a burger in his other hand and April soon had his regular earring out and both holes now filled. The second earring had hurt as that hole was close to closing. When Jeff tried to pull those earrings out; Tami quickly adorned his ear on her side. Jeff resigned to the fact he lost the battle and that others quickly saw him wearing girly earrings.

April said, “They must be his, I don’t know of many boys having spaces for two earrings.” Monica across the table said, “Cute, I think they are his. Jeff, they look good on you.” Ironically the girls finished their lunches as they talked. Jeff who was hungry, lost his appetite and his food quickly turned cold.

Jeff was allowed to replace his dangling earrings with his regular earrings. April and Tami both chided him for not taking the others out as the holes were trying to close up.

Jeff shared two-afternoon classes, with Tami and April and while seating arrangements were set in one class they were flexible in the next. Yes, Jeff sat next to Tami.

Tami hadn’t said anything about walking her home, and Jeff hadn’t thought of it. That is until she waited at the school door for him. “How come you never walk with us? We live in the same direction, only a block apart.” Jeff liked the idea and walked along. Monica was the last to leave them together as her house was the street before Tami’s.

Tami asked, “Did you bring your math homework with you?”

“Yes but I only have two problems left undone.”

“That’s alright you can help me with mine if you want.”

Jeff said, “Well…”

Tami interrupted, “You should if we’re going to get to know each other before the dance. But you don’t need to mention that when my Mom gets home.”

When they got to her house, “I’m going to change up in my room and will be down shortly. We will need to do our homework on the dining table.” The only surprise was Tami’s suggestion, no request, that he was to put his other earrings in.

Jeff had done so and they were only five minutes into their homework when her sister Jennifer came home from high school. “Oh hi, Tami, and Jeff. Tami, you know you aren’t to have a boy in the house alone when Mom or Dad is not here?”

Tami smiles, “That is why we're down here and we waited until you were home.”

It is then that Jennifer notices Jeff’s earrings. “Woe, look it here, Rachel didn’t say anything about this side of her little brother.”

Jeff barks back, “Fortunately she knows, and unfortunately, now you do too. I hope you don’t feel a need to say anything. Tami said you dated Danny, hopefully, your sister talking me into wearing them doesn’t bother you.”

Jenny says, “No, I actually appreciate you speaking up for Danny, he is a good friend. Tami told me she liked this sensitive side of you. I’m not really stunned you’re here. I… I better not go there. Behave and have a good time.”

We were doing pretty well as we heard Mrs. Johnson arrive at her home. I had already changed back to my regular earrings. Tami introduced me to her Mom, who was only a little surprised I was there. “Hello Mrs. Johnson, I’m Jeff.”

“Nice to meet you Jeff, are you the one I heard about with the pretty earrings? The one you’re wearing doesn’t seem girly to me.”

Tami was quickly upset, “I will kill April, I didn’t expect her to tell her Mom. Um… I was to be the one to tell you.”

Mrs. Johnson looks at me, “April Franklin’s Mom and I are close friends and she would have told me if she knew. I suspect you wore them in front of Monica Jones too. Her Mom only calls to help get me upset, but I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.” She turns to Tami, “I hope you’re going to tell me you and Jeff weren’t here until your sister was home.”

Tami says, “That’s right Mom, we waited for Jennifer to be home. You can even ask her. Jeff only came to help me with my math homework.”

Her Mom asks, “So Jeff can I get to see these pretty earrings, I see you have extra places for the second set?”

Tami encourages me, “I wouldn’t mind seeing them again if my Mom doesn’t mind. Jeff, please put them in before you need to leave.” She helps me put them in.

Tami’s Mom cleans around my earrings, “Jeff you should leave them in when you go home and continue to wear them until the holes heal. Didn’t anyone explain to you about taking care of them?

“Yes, Mrs. Johnson but I didn’t have two pairs that I was comfortable wearing as a guy.”

I wore the two sets of studs home. Because I was upset with what happened and I was in no hurry to get home, I invented a new long way to walk around the block. That didn’t help either.

Jennifer called my sister before I got there. Rachel and Mom greeted me as I came through the door. Mom said, “You realize, I’m now going to require you to wear those two pairs until your ears are fully healed.”

She said, “I talked to Mrs. Johnson after Jennifer talked to Rachel. I don’t want another Mom thinking you haven’t been instructed properly.”

“But Mom, you don’t want me to wear them to school.”

Mom said, “No, I didn’t but since you decided otherwise, you need to wear them until your ears heal. I will even give you a note for school saying you have my permission. Please remember, tomorrow I need to pick you up at 2:40 for your appointment with Dr. Hunt. If you feel a need to wear one of your skirt outfits please let your Dad and I know tonight. No surprises tomorrow please.”

Mom continues, “Mrs. Johnson said you were a good influence on her daughter. She checked her math homework. She said it was finished and she understood what she had done.”

I had to explain to Mom and Rachel why and what I said the day before. And then why I took and showed the earrings today. “I didn’t put them on Mom that was Tami and her goofy friend April. It’s not like I could have smacked them to stop them.”

Mom and then Rachel hugged me for speaking up for Danny. “I wished I hadn’t spoken up about having girly earrings. It just came out.”

“You were bound to slip up and say something that was going to reveal that other side of you,” said Rachel. “I had wished I hadn’t helped dress Jessie up. Now I’m not sure both were inevitable. Mom the smartest thing about this whole thing was probably calling this Dr. Hunt. I’m not sure you shouldn’t pick him up earlier from school so he could go as Jessie.”

Mom said, “Jeff, it isn’t the earrings, clothes, or makeup that indicate if Jessie is real or not. You are a wonderful child. All that keeps happening seems to be you saying if Jessie and Jeff are real. I don’t have the answers other than we love you.” Mom hugged me and I began to cry in her arms.

To be continued…

I woke early in the morning and heard my sister up in her room below me; I knew mom must be awake also. I’m not dressing as Jessie, but I do decide to wear my yellow cami and panties. I made double sure they did not show through. My shirt was long enough that nothing would show if I bent down. I brushed out and tussled my hair so it would be fitting for Jeff. I check the mirror to make sure only my boy clothes are showing.

I thought of using just a little mascara or other makeup but decided against it. I was dressed and ready for school by the time I usually get up. Mom smiles as I enter the kitchen and I got myself some cereal. “Hey, young man what is with you being up?”

“I woke and heard you and Rachel down here. I decided to get up instead of trying to go back to sleep. I thought if I dressed as Jessie, I would have needed the extra time.” I wetted my lips and Mom smiled.

She asked, “Did you want to dress as Jessie to go to school?” I replied, “No!”

She asked, “Would you like to get out early enough from school to change and be Jessie, to see Dr. Hunt?”

I had to think a moment, but I didn’t think it was a serious possibility. I was pretty sure Dr. Beth wanted to see Jeff today. “Even if I thought Dr. Hunt was open to it, I wouldn’t be comfortable sitting in the waiting room as Jessie… Were you serious about asking?”

Mom stopped, “I was serious to find out if you’d be at ease with the idea. Jeff, it seems you are accepting that Jesse is part of you.”

By now I was eating my breakfast, “Mom, would it be okay if I wear some clear nail polish on my fingernails?”

“Yes, you can. You do realize Tami and April might be looking for some signs of Jessie.”

“Mom, they don’t even know that Jessie exists yet.”

Mom asked, “You don’t think so? ...I suspect, they are probably pretty sure there is something behind you having girls’ earrings.” I hadn’t thought that through. If they had it was kind of neat that they seemed to accept that possibility.

After breakfast, I asked permission from Rachel to use her clear polish. She voiced the idea for me to use the bathroom and run the exhaust fan when I polished my nails. “Either use the flat or semi-gloss polish. The clear polish with a pink tint will give your nails a healthy look.”

The pink tint was very lite and I liked the look Rachel mentioned. There was the smell of newly painted nails and even with the medium gloss, one could tell a little that my nails had been done. Most of the morning at school, I did what I could to keep my fingers out of sight.

My friends Cade and Derek gave me a hard time for being around Tami and April too much. “You’re clean, neat and even smell a little like them. I can’t believe you are even wearing those girly earrings for them.”

I said, “You’re jealous. I’m hoping to dance with Tami at the dance, Friday. Tell me you wouldn’t like to be dancing with her.”

They were not very happy when I went to sit with Tami and her friends at lunch. Tami passed me a disturbing note, “Nice undershirt, we call them camis.”

I wrote and slipped the note back, “You can’t see it, what makes you guess that?” The note kept passing.

“You’re not wearing your regular undershirt. April agrees with me it’s the outline of a cami. Don’t worry, unless someone is seriously looking I don’t think they would notice. But I would like that you’d admit it to me.”

I tore the note and stuffed it in my pocket. I looked at Tami and whispered, “Yes.”

Tami was amused that my Mom was forcing me to wear two sets of earrings until both holes healed.

I did get hassled several times during the day about my earrings. By the end of the school day, I was watching my back as if I had been shoved or bumped a few times. I heard some guys trying to give me grief, but did not respond.

Tami suggested I tell the principal or teachers, but a guy doesn’t do that.

Mom had to take off of work to take me to my appointment with Dr. Hunt. We should have come earlier because Mom had quite a few sheets of paper to fill out and I think I had as many or more. I went back to the receptionist: “These things I write, do all of you read it, or just Dr. Hunt?”

She said, “Don’t worry it is usually only the doctor and those responsible for the records.” Mom said I didn’t have to write much as I would get to say more to Dr. Hunt.

While we were done well after the appointment was to start, we still had to wait before I was asked by Dr. Hunt to come back and visit with her. “It is good to see you again Jeff.”

We had probably talked at least a half-hour about me, my family, and school before she asked anything about Jessie. “Have you had any more occasions of being Jessie or wearing girl stuff?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

She said, “Yes?”

“Dr. Beth my friend Tami said, she could tell I was wearing a girl’s cami at school today.”

“Are you asking me if I can tell if you are?” She pauses, but I don’t know what to say. “It appears that you are wearing a wide strap cami. How often do you wear girls’ clothes under your other clothes?”

I say, “When I put on my underclothes, I made sure no one could see them. So how did you and Tami know I was wearing them?”

Dr. Beth asks, “Can you ever tell if a girl is wearing a bra without actually seeing it?”

I said, “Yes, I can often see the outline of a bra, but they’re bulkier than a cami.”

Dr. Beth has just the slightest smile as she says, “Yes, the outline of your cami is much more subtle. If Tami was intentionally looking to see any sign of a girl who might wear those earrings, she might have seen the cami. …Were you sad or glad that she figured it out?”

“Why would I possibly be glad she could see it?”

Dr. Beth asked me, “You tell me, why you might be glad?”

I paused hoping we were near the end of the visit and I wouldn’t have to answer. She just remained quiet. Finally, I gave up and said, “Because if she knew, she didn't laugh at me… maybe she could be Jessie’s friend.”

She asked very calmly, “Would Jessie like to have her as a friend?”

I said, “Yes, but I was hoping she would be more Jeff’s friend.”

She says, “Maybe she sees Jeff and Jesse as the same. Have you ever had moments Jeff and Jesse want the same thing, but might not want to share?”

“Well, Jeff and Jessie are both me; it’s not like I’m two people. But it’s like for a long time, only I knew Jessie was me. Now it is like people are interested in Jessie and not noticing me as Jeff.”

“Then why did you polish your fingernails and wear a cami, if you only wanted Jeff to be noticed?

I said, “I didn’t think people would see that stuff, but I kinda wanted a sign that Jessie is still there.”

“This is a personal question and you don’t have to answer it, but are you wearing Rachel’s panties as well? And did you think girls wouldn’t see your nail polish just because it is clear?”

“I’m wearing a panty but it’s not Rachel’s, they’re mine. I guess Mom and Rachel said it was possible someone could tell, but I kept them hidden most of the time.”

Dr. Hunt checked her watch or something before she asked, “On a scale of one to ten how much do you like being Jessie? With ten being the high…”

“I guess I like being Jessie a lot sometimes, maybe an eight, but I like being Jeff even more. I am all Jeff and a boy.”

Dr. Beth says, “Today’s session was very helpful for the first time. I would like to see you next week and each week for a month before we move to every other or the third week. If you would like to come dressed as Jessie sometimes we can schedule an appointment for 6:00 p.m. on a Wednesday. Next week’s appointment will again be on Tuesday unless you’d like to already come as Jesse.”

“Next Tuesday would be fine.” Dr. Beth met with my Mom for only ten-fifteen minutes. Mom and I were both pleased with our visits.

Mom stopped at a department store, “Jeff, I’d like to get you another set of earrings for you.” Since I already had a clear stone I got a black zirconia stone this time. I found myself once again wishing guys’ stuff had more choices. Mom needed to look for a few things she needed which gave me a chance to linger in the woman’s section.

Mom was looking for a nice blouse-skirt outfit that was festive enough for Easter as well as worn throughout the spring. An embroidered peasant blouse caught my eye. It was white with lavender needlework. A voice behind me said, “That is very cute, one could wear it with a variety of skirts, jeans, or dressy slacks.” I turned hoping whoever it was, was talking to someone else.

Instead, I hear, “Oh, you are Jeff, Rachel’s younger brother. I’m Suzie, I am in the high school choir and I have many of the same classes as her. Did she tell you that many of us were impressed by you speaking up for Dan Smothers?” She lowered her voice, “I don’t mean to offend you, but I could let you use the first dressing room if you are interested in seeing how it looks on you.”

I was ready to ask, ‘Why would you suggest that?’ But I guessed she could see the outline of the cami.

I said, “I think it’s cute and that my sister has a coral one like it.” My Mom walked over so I asked Suzie there, “Mom doesn’t Rachel have a blouse like this, either coral or peach?”

“Hi, Suzie,” Mom acknowledged Suzie’s presence. “Yes she does, but that would be a nice addition to a young woman’s wardrobe.” Mom lifts it to look at it and casually holds it up between her and me. “Did I hear she offered you a chance to try it on?”

Mom looked to Suzie, “Can I ask confidentially how many might surmise he’d wear such a top?”

Suzie stepped closer to keep the conversation private. “I don’t know of any. I overheard Jenny Johnson say to her sister that Jeff was sensitive much like Danny. And now he appears to be wearing a cami underneath his shirt. And your son is looking around more intently than the average guy. Working here, I guess I’ve become tuned to guys looking for a gift or possibly looking for themselves. I told him, I didn’t mean anything offensive.”

Suzie asks, “Now, can I confide in you? My younger brother was switched to a parochial school thinking he’d be safer there. It appears that people there just cloak their prejudice differently. I think, Jeff did Danny and others a service meeting it head-on in front of others.” We three talked for a while.

Mom had three pieces of clothing she wanted to try on before she bought them. The store was currently light on shoppers. Mom said to me, “If you think you’d like it. You need to try it on and see how it fits and looks on you.”

Suzie said, “Let me carry it over there. If and when you’re ready to try it on, I’ll hand it to you.” Mom was changing into a complete outfit and was now out to check it in the mirrors.

Mom soon said, “There is no one around so please step out and let me see the blouse on you.” I was scared, but I did step out. I wasn’t wanting Suzie to be there, but she could have been my sister for how nice she was. Mom said, “Your sister could even borrow that from you if she has something to wear under it or wanted an oversized look.”

Suzie was complimentary, “Jeff, I can even see your resemblance to your Mom; she's very attractive.” Mom and I both said, “Thank you.”

After mom changed and came back out, she was told, “Mrs. Preston if you get the blouse and all of your items. It would qualify you for the twenty-five percent discount.”

Mom asked me to show Suzie panties that were extra nice, I owed some to my sister. But Mom bought size five which was what I wore because my hips were smaller. I finally complained, “Mom, you can’t continue buying Jessie clothes.”

Mom said, “It was you who picked out what I’m buying for you.”

Suzie said, “I like the name Jessie for you, somehow I think it fits for you and your age.” She asks, “Do either of you have Pink Sugar as a perfume?”

I admitted, “Rachel put a little of Margaret’s on me once, I didn’t want to try it but it is nice.”

“This is a .25 oz. gift sample for you to enjoy.”

“What do you say, young lady?” Without thought, there was Jessie’s voice saying, ‘Thank you.’

Mom said, “We better hurry and get out of here before Jessie shows up anymore.”

We were walking away, when Suzie said, “It was nice to meet you, Jessie. I hope to get to see you sometime.”

Mom was trying to make small talk as we headed home. “So do you have any thoughts on what I bought for myself?”

“I thought the skirt and blouse look very nice. I thought it is a very nice look for you, Mom. I think the slacks will also go well with the blouse. It will go nicely with some of the spring sweaters I saw you getting out.”

Mom asked, “Would you mind if I taught you how to wash and care for sweaters and delicates? Your peasant blouse would even fare better if you lightly washed it in a sink.”

“How girly are you wanting to get me,” I asked?

Mom said, “Even if you were to go back totally to being Jeff; it wouldn’t hurt you to know how to do it. It would have been a help and saved some grief if your Dad knew how when I was sick or pregnant with you.” She paused, “Have you ever had some of your finer clothes ruined in the wash?”

I sighed, “Yes, the time I tried to wash all of my clothes together, without your knowledge.”

Mom smiled as she seemed to remember the incident. “Then you have an idea of how I felt when your father ruined two loads of my clothing. He said he was sorry, I lost even more clothes than he owned up to.”

We pulled into the driveway, and Mom said, “You don’t need to remind your father of that time. I shared it, only so you’d remember the importance of proper care for clothes.”

Rachel was quick to go through the shopping bags while asking me, “How did your doctor’s appointment go? ...Mom, Dad ordered pizza for tonight.” Rachel lifts out my blouse, “It looks like Mom treated you as well as herself. Did you help her pick out any of her clothes? Look Pink Sugar, is this mine?”

“You know better, you just want me to acknowledge it is mine. Oh, you should know Suzie Hammonds knows about me as Jessie?”

Rachel hugged me and then pulled me to her room. “How did that come about? Was she nice about it?”

I told her, “I guess several girls today recognized I was wearing my cami under my shirt?”

Sis says, “I was going to tell you about that. But I went to use the… Well when I got out and searched for you, you had already left and were off our block. If you remember I was going to stop to give you a ride, but you waved me to keep going.

She wanted to keep talking while wanting me to model my blouse for her. I told her, “Mom was shopping for her clothes when Suzie noticed I was eyeing this blouse. I think from behind she thought I might be a girl. When I turned around she recognized me as your little brother. It was then she knew I was wearing a cami. …To answer how she treated me, she was nice; it was like having another sister like you. Did you know her youngest brother switched schools because he was being picked on? She indicated the move just changed the finesse with which he’s been bullied.”

Rachel said, “She’s stayed away from talking about her brother at his new school. I guess she’s fairly sensitive about him. You said she was like a sister, a sister can be bossy as you know.”

I commented, “Like you, she was very nice to me. Besides the sample of Pink Sugar, she allowed me to try the blouse in the women’s changing rooms. I am surprised how girls who have come to know about this side of me, have been nice to me.”

Rach shares, “That’s good, I think even if a girl differs with the idea, there’s more of a desire to be open. It would be a rare girl who would want to risk being the reason someone would get rough with you. Boys can be rough enough relating to a girl.”

Rachel asked, “If you have any homework why don’t you get it and do it in my room?” She asked me if it was okay to spray the Pink Sugar in the air. I said yes and we both enjoyed it as we did our homework until the pizza showed up. I put my shirt back on to eat pizza.

Dad wanted to know what Dr. Hunt said about who I am. I was glad Mom told him it would be a few appointments before she would even consider any diagnosis. “The important thing at this point, is she and Jeff seem to be comfortable with each other.”

Dad asked me, “Why did you go with Rachel into her room?”

“Dad, she was the first to ask me about my appointment.”

He said, “I thought you might have gotten something new to show her. Not that you don’t have more than enough girl stuff already.”

“Dad, it wasn’t planned but Mom did get me a blouse when Mom was shopping for herself.”

Dad was a little bit accusatory, “If that’s the case and you showed it to her; why didn’t you wear it out here?”

Mom huffed, but I was the one who answered him. “Because we’re eating pizza and I didn’t want to get a stain on the blouse. If that is not enough, I’m not into mixing the look of Jessie and Jeff.”

Mom said, “Jeff told me he already had enough girl stuff, but I could tell he liked it. It would be a pretty blouse for Jessie, so I decided to buy it for her. If you have a problem with it, it is with me. I also bought a second pair of earrings those were for Jeff, not Jessie.”

I finished my homework up in my room. It was eight-thirty when I received a call from Tami. She said, “For such a sensitive boy you have a lot of courage wearing those earrings and a cami. I was disappointed you had to leave school early. I wanted to find out how pretty your cami was. It looked like it had some pretty lace edging along the straps. I get goosebumps thinking of how pretty you are in your own way. I hope you don’t mind if I think you are pretty as well as brave?”

I said, “One doesn’t usually hear those terms together unless it is about a heroine.”

We visited longer, part of it was about her math homework and problems she had difficulty with.

Wednesday morning, Mom said, “I see Jeff is back your hair hasn’t been brushed well and you didn’t take care of your skin last night or this morning. I had hoped you’d realize that it is okay for a boy to take pride in his appearance.” I did take note of what she said and confirmed it to be true by looking in the mirror. Apart from pushing a comb through my hair a few times, little got to change.

I met and walked with Tami and April two blocks from my house. My friend Luke decided for the first time in a long time to walk with us. He was more neatly and better dressed than I was. That was a change and made me think about what my Mom had said.

Before we went to our different classes Luke asked, “Could I sit with you guys at lunch?” The truth was Luke was interested in Monica but was afraid to show it. April’s responded, “Yea, just don’t bring any other friends or we’ll throw you back. And I mean it!”

It was funny, come lunchtime, April made sure Luke and I were not sitting next to each other. “You guys don’t usually talk much unless it's sports. We don’t talk much about sports at this table.” ‘Um, hum’ was heard several places around the table.

Monica flirted a little with Luke, “We did notice Luke that you are more neatly dressed this morning. Even more so than Jeff, though he combed his hair since getting to school.” I was glad somebody noticed though I don’t particularly like Monica.

We had two quizzes that I did better than usual. Several guys asked me after lunch, “What are Luke and you doing so the girls let you sit with them?” One guy Max said, “I have a hairbrush do you think you could show me how to get mine to look better?”

We still had ten minutes of recess before classes started in the afternoon. Initially, it felt a little awkward helping Max. We were in the boys’ room and Max wasn’t getting it until I took his brush and brushed out the different sections. I said, "First brush it this way and then lift the brush as you go back. It gives the appearance of having more body to it.” He did the last few brush strokes and I told him it was looking good.

I was taken back, by the way, he said ‘thanks’ and ‘do you think so.’ I'm sure there was nothing to it, but somehow I like that he noticed and commented. He’s a very good basketball player, so I liked it when he said, “Come over and shoot some baskets with me sometime.”

After school, I was looking for Max, but Tami found me first and we walked to her house. When it was just her and me, she asked, “What happened, your hair was just so, so today. I see you have a different set of earrings and I don’t see any glow to your smile. I missed that.”

“Yea, I didn’t take my time this morning. I missed it too.”

Tami said, “Before I go to change and we do our homework, would you mind if I used something on your face for your complexion?”

I was stunned a bit and didn’t want to be ‘girlified’, “I’m not wearing any makeup here.”

Tami was amused, “Not that, it’s just a moisturizing skin cream. You won’t see it minutes after I use it. Just lift your head and face me for a minute.” She showed me a small dot of cream on her finger and said, “See how little I use, but your complexion will be much better.”

Tami was just finishing when her sister Jennifer came home and through the door. “Well, little sis are you getting him groomed the way you want?”

I giggle, “Something like that I think.”

Jenny says, “Just remember he’s not one of your girlfriends.”

Tami heatedly said, “Just mind your own business and leave us alone.” She turned to me saying, “I’m done but let it be until I come back down it should be all absorbed by that time.”

I was home by 5:30 p.m., a little before my Mom. There were some instructions to prepare a salad and some potatoes for dinner as well as to empty the dishwasher and set the table. Rachel was finishing up the last two and Rob was already out of the house. Rachel tied an apron on me to do the potatoes and then the salad.

I was done with the potatoes and had them in a pot to boil when Mom came home. Mom was soon in the kitchen getting the dinner started. “Jeff, you’re looking different from this morning what happened?”

I honestly didn’t know till Rachel came into the kitchen and spoke. “He brushed out his hair better and it appears he used a moisturizer, but that was done before he got home.”

Mom asked, “So did you go back over to Tami’s to do your homework? Did it take a girl to get you to take care of yourself?”

“She said I looked drab when I don’t take care of myself. She wants to be to look sharp if we’re going to dance on Friday.”

“You know I don’t want you dating,” Mom says.

“We’re not dating, we’re just planning to dance and be together part of the time.”

Mom asks, “Do you have any guy news?”

“Mom dancing with Tami is guy news. Besides that Max Coulter asked me to come over sometime to shoot baskets. He’s a good basketball player; I don’t know why he asked me but it’s good.”

Mom hugs me. “I appreciate you helping around the house. It is like pulling teeth to get Rob to help. It is good that you’re working with someone to do your homework. Shooting baskets are not high on my list, but you could use an active friend like that.”

Thursday was much of the same and Friday started that way except Max was frustrated again. Luckily his hair was not so messy and it took a short time to help him. I asked, “So do you have your eye on some girl for the dance or just whoever comes your way?”

Max said, “Yeah something like that. I was wondering about tomorrow around ten if you’d come over and shoot some baskets with me?”

I told him, “Sounds like a good idea, it might even get me out of a chore or two.” He encouraged me not to forget and said thanks for helping him. It’s going to be nice having him as a friend.

Being a junior high dance it would begin at 7:00 and it’s to be over by 8:30 but usually lasts close to 9:00 p.m. The time is like a relic of when Junior High students didn’t do much and their parents had a shorter leash on them. I was glad Mom and Dad knew I’d be dancing a lot with Tami. Officially not a date, but Mom knows I’m serious about her. Mom noticed Jessie’s earrings. She unbuttoned the second and third buttons of my shirt to discover a tank top I borrowed from Rachel. All she said was, “Do you think that is wise?”

When I told her, “Tami’s into my sensitive side. And I’m keeping the second and third buttons done up; she probably won’t even notice.” Mom seemed comfortable with that. Rachel was nice enough to drive me to the school. Mom or dad would pick me up if I didn’t get a ride or walk home.

I thought the dance was going to start rough for me as two guys decided to block my way in the hall. I waited for a moment before trying to go through. Madden, a friend, and teammate of Max’s told the guys to leave me alone. Luke also stepped over to me and that was enough to get me through without an incident.

It was nice to have a few early dances with Tami. It is nice on the ego to dance with someone so attractive and popular. It is fun being with a group though I’m mostly focusing on Tami and just listening. I lean into Tami and ask about the fragrance she’s wearing. “A&F 8, what do you like about it?”

I say, “It is strong enough that I notice it but it is not overpowering. It has a fresh fruity and floral fragrance.”

Tami asks, “Can you really tell that or did you read that somewhere?”

We were interrupted as Margaret came over and ask me for a dance. “So is my neighbor tied exclusively with one girl now or can you dance with me?”

“I’m free to dance,” I look at Tami as I say it.

Margaret turned to Tami with a giggle, “I’ll return him soon.”

Tami responded, “I can’t date anyway my parents wouldn’t let me. We’re just close friends getting to know each other.”

Margaret and Jeff begin to dance as Margaret says, “I like the bangles Jeff, I thought with Jessie’s influence you would be into more bling and sparkle of prettier jewelry.

“You’re right regarding Jessie but we’re not totally the same. It is a lot more fun for me to be dancing with you than it would be for Jessie.”

“I’m glad you’re here Jeff, I apologize. But Jessie’s real isn’t she?”

“She’s probably me, yet different.” Margaret kissed me on the cheek, “Does Tami know yet?”

I was honest, “You know, I’m not sure, but like with you, I think we’re friends.” April broke in as the dance music quickly changed. It was a faster song and dance. April told me, “Tami wants to talk to you alone. She’s already gone out so Monica won’t see you going out together.” We stop dancing before the song is over as Monica’s still dancing.

I found Tami near where we usually went before school. The last three steps, she opened her arms kissed me, and we hugged. “I wanted to tell you how much I like you.” I thought she did well. “I need to know more about your tender side. Jenny says there is likely to be more to you. Do you like me?”

“You're pretty Tami, and I love being your friend. We’re merely thirteen and I’m not ready to say more than that.”

She smiles, “Me too, but I would like to know if there is more to you. Please trust me, I like you too much to hurt you.” She slides her hand over my shoulder; I’m guessing she knows I have a sleeveless top on.

I begin to look down but she taps my face up to look up. She says, “Trust me that I can be as caring as you.”

“Yes, I’ve been trying to stuff it and deny it but I guess this sensitive side as you’ve called it is bigger or stronger. I’m mostly Jeff but there’s part of me who wants to be more like you and have girls as friends.”

Tami smiles, “Would you trust me enough to kiss me…” I start to move forward, and Tami stops me, “…would you kiss me with lipstick on, I want to be your girlfriend too.” I take half a step back to ponder what she’s saying, and then smile as Tami holds up a stick of lip gloss. It is way too tempting, I take the lip-gloss, look around, and lightly do my lips. We both paused to let it set before we kissed. This kiss was warm and more passionate. I felt a little guilty but not enough to stop. After the kiss, we hugged and I kissed her ear. “Ou, I liked that I thank you.”

She gave me a makeup cloth to use before we went back in. I remembered her ear as she used a tissue to clean around but not her lips. “Can I see the top you’re wearing before we go back in?”

“How about I walk you home? Maybe I can show you before we get to your door.” Tami needed to text April. April walked with us to her house. But before April was out of the school, I asked, “Does or will April know too?”

“She’s my best friend,” Tami said, lowering her head. We were half a block from April’s house and near a bright street light.

I turn to the two of them, “April can I share something with you as well as Tami? You’re her best friend.”

April shook her head and said, “You know you can.” I unbuttoned the front of my shirt, my sister’s top was a pastel pink that showed up well in the light. “Is that enough for now?”

Tami gave me a big hug, and April said, "We should be the Three Amigos.”

I asked, “Even when I’m a bit girly?”

April said, “Especially then, you have the understanding and can go shopping. But we like the guy Jeff as well.” April turned to Tami, “Before I go in can you tell me if she kissed you?” Tami took out her lip gloss and put it in my hand. I thought she meant for me to put it on.

“Both of them have warm tender lips, but hers were creamy.” Tami hugged me and whispered, “The lip gloss is for you, you’re special.” When I turned around April was waving and going up to her house. When we got to Tami’s house, she whispered, “Remember we’re not dating. A warm hug would be nice.” We hugged and as she got to her door and went in I jumped and twirled. I couldn’t have imagined a better scenario for the night.

It wasn’t quite nine o’clock when I walked into my house and leaned against the door as I closed it. I heard Mom, “We didn’t expect you home quite yet, but it looks like you had a very good time.”

“Mom, would I hurt Dad’s feelings if I wanted to talk only to you?” She sat down and patted the seat next to her.

She said, “I see you showed your colors to someone. Since you’re happy, I gather it went well. Please tell me whatever you want.”

“Mom, I couldn’t have asked for more, Tami and her best friend April even like my girl side. She likes me, Jeff, too.”

Mom holds me, “Tell me what you'd like.” I start to unbutton my shirt but stopped. Mom said, “That would be fine, the color is nice on you. Tami must be a very special girl to like a special person like you.”

Mom then became quiet, at first I wondered why. Then I knew she wanted me to talk, saying whatever I wanted. “Jeff and Jessie can acknowledge one another. I’m not comfortable yelling that out loud, but it is nice to be able to talk with you and accept me for me now.” I mentioned Max inviting me over for basketball. “It feels good to be Jeff and have a new friend.”

When I took a shower to go to bed, I did my Jessie regiment of shaving my legs, shampooing, and conditioning my hair. I wore one of my girly robes. I even moisturized my face. It was a while before I quit dreaming while I was still awake lying on my bed.

I was up early enough to do two chores and get a good breakfast with Mom. She made eggs, and bacon and gave me a small bowl of berries and cream. I brushed out my hair and then messed it up a little. My jeans, shirt, and cross-trainers were right for the day.

I wondered how many would be over at Max’s. I was the first to show up. Max said he wanted to help me to play and shoot baskets better before we invited others over. It was neat, Max and I were out on the half-court in front of his garage for a good hour and a half. He did help me to dribble and shoot the ball better. Most guys just want to show off to one another. I wasn’t good and Max was having fun helping me. Several times I ran into him just out of frustration, trying to get around him or get a good shot was difficult. He’d just wrap his arms around me and would tell me to try again.

Once as I ran into him I noticed I had become excited, not the regular basketball excited. Max had hugged me again and I was now afraid to turn around. I yelled, “I got to pee!” and ran into his house to a toilet.

We ate lunch and watched the last of a college playoff basketball game. We sat on the sofa together watching the game like we were best friends. I liked the feeling of having a close friend. Max leaned over to wrestle with me when I rooted against his team. This time we both got a bit excited and quit wrestling then.

When the game was over I suggested I needed to leave, but his mother told him to show me his room first. He showed me his room and played some music. He had posters of three girls and someone who was a model. Andreja Pejic was the model and I wasn’t sure if it was he or she, but I kind of liked that. The ones I knew were girls were Emily Rios, Ellen Page, and Vicky Beeching. Max was playing a Christian song and it was Vicky singing. I had heard her before and I knew she was popular. Not being very churchy, I didn’t know much more. I had no problem seeing why he liked to look at any of them.

Max seemed like he wanted to talk, but then he would say something else, not what he wanted. I realized again I was having feelings for him again. But they were like feelings Jessie might have and I became uncomfortable. I quietly tried to tell myself to stop.

I told Max, “I better be getting home, but I want to thank you a lot for having me over and helping me with basketball. I’m better but still not much in comparison to you. But I’d like to come back if it would be okay.”

Max smiled and hugged me, “Hey you’re a good friend to have. I haven’t learned much about you, I’m sorry it was all my stuff this time.” I was nervously getting excited and was praying he didn’t notice. As I tried pulling myself away and fixing myself, Max noticed, “That’s kind of embarrassing when it happens, but it does.”

I needed to say thanks and goodbye to his mother as well. As I walked home, I knew I had messed myself up. Not bad enough, Mom was home and in the kitchen. I ran through and up the stairs, saying hello as I went racing through. Mom called me but I acted like I didn’t hear her and got to my room. Maybe I should have run to the bathroom but I needed a change of clothes. And now Mom was coming upstairs.

“Mom, I’m alright but I want to be alone.”

She asked, “Did something happen I need to know about? Are you hurt?”

I shouldn’t have paused as I did in saying no. She said, “Sorry, but something happened. I’m worried about you and I’m coming in.”

I started crying as mom came over, hugged me, and said, “Tell me what’s up?”

I didn’t want to say anything but she was quiet and waited me out. “Mom, it’s just that I had felt I shouldn’t have. It was like Jessie had feelings for Max. It happened several times but I got control of myself. Max and I had a great time, I didn’t mean to have those feelings I know it was wrong, but it didn’t feel…” I clammed up, I couldn’t tell my Mom.

I hear my Mom realize what I was trying to say, “Oh.” There was silence and then Mom in a calm voice said, “You said the feelings were wrong but did they feel bad or good?” I was afraid to answer. Mom thought and then said, “You said, Jessie had feelings for Max, were they like feelings a girl might have for a boy?”

“Mom, I shouldn’t have those feelings, it’s not right.” Mom took me in her arms and held me as I cried. “I’m not Dr. Hunt, but if part of you feels things as Jessie, we might need to accept they could be natural and good feelings for you.”

“But Mom, I was there as Jeff and he was just being my friend. I don’t care what you say, I shouldn’t have those feelings like he’s a hunk.” Instead of pushing away, I snuggle more. I’m weepy no longer crying. I can’t believe what I just said, ‘Now Mom’s going to know I’m sick.’

Mom says, “You might not want to hear this, but your hormones are just clicking in. From experience, I know boys have those experiences. If I were you I wouldn’t rush to any conclusions.”

Mom takes a brush and starts brushing my hair. “I want Jessie to tell me why you think he’s a hunk?”

“Mom?” I find myself giving in and Jessie is willing to talk. “Well, he’s bigger and stronger than I am. He’s an eighth-grader and athletic. I’m sure a girl would see him as very attractive. I didn’t dare look in his eyes much. He’s a strong but sensitive guy. We kind of wrestled once and I bumped into him several times when I got frustrated trying to play against him. But he was good to me and helped me to play better.”

When I was finished talking, all Mom said was, “Yes, I can see he’s a nice friend to have. You can tell Dr. Hunt, but as a friend, I think he’s a keeper…

To be continued…

I was back from being over at Max's and today was one of the days I could dress as Jessie and it wouldn’t be a surprise. Like Jessie, I wanted to shower and freshen up, as Jeff that didn’t make sense. I took one of Rachel’s old short denim skirts that is now mine and the new peasant blouse and my underthings to take a shower.

Jeff usually just gets in and out, barely taking the time needed to take a good shower. It becomes more of an event with Jessie: listening to music, singing and taking care of myself, hair, moisturizing my skin and whatever. I checked and turned my earrings. I was done, dressed and returning to my room when Rob was coming up to his room with Jacob, a close friend.

Not that it helped, but in Jessie’s voice, I said, “Rob, you should check or call up when you’re bringing a friend up!”

First Jacob just said, “Sorry but I don’t bite. I can go back down, Rob didn’t tell me a cousin was over.”

I said, “Sorry Jacob, it wasn’t your fault.”

Jacob took another look, a good look at me. “Woe!”

Rob was standing like a deer in headlights, not knowing what to do.

Rob finally speaks, “Jess/Jeff, you were to be at Max’s”

It was registering with Jacob, “Whose Jessie? Jeff, wow you’re one of those what-you-call ‘em? I thought you were a cousin or someone. You make an awesome girl!”

Mom calls up to Rob, “You better let Jeff know you invited Jacob over for dinner.”

Rob yells back down, “Too late Mom! We have a problem!”

Mom was soon at the bottom of the stairs asking, “What’s the problem? She saw them still on the stairs looking up.

Jake laughs, “Mrs. Preston, I didn’t know you had another daughter.”

Mom took a few steps up the stairs, needless to say, she too was surprised and did not know what to say. Jacob presently is the one taking things the best. I quickly turned and wanted to run for my room slamming the door.

Mom says, “Let’s go upstairs and calmly talk this out.”

Jake says, “I’m sorry if I surprised or offended her. I know this is real life, but one’s not quite expecting it here in our town, or with one of my friends. You look pretty convincing as a girl but you should wear makeup.”

Mom suggested they go into Rob’s room and she’d visit with me. Mom says, “I’m sorry young lady. I didn’t expect you to be taking a shower.”

“What should I do Mom, he’s seen me?”

With a slight giggle she said, “As he said, some makeup would help. He’s already recognized you dressed as a girl and he wasn't upset. We will visit over dinner and reach a good understanding. Jacob is good and dependable. You, however, are being found out about by enough people that we need to decide some things.”

I am still upset and ready to speak, Mom says. “He’s seen Jessie, and so be Jessie.”

I’m frustrated, “Mom, you expect me to sit at the dinner table with him? That is so impossible.”

“Jessie, we will be eating at 6:00 and I could use your help. It was you who decided to dress as Jessie, so finish doing so.”

“I’m going to change and while I will help you, I won’t be eating dinner if he’s here!”

Mom steps closer to me to underscore how we are as a family and what she expects. “You will not change that would give the appearance of something wrong. You have been brought up in this family with more manners than not to come to dinner. You are a teenager, not a little girl.”

Jessie fell on her bed crying, “Mom, I’m sorry but I'm scared.” Her mother left, feeling for Jessie and understanding as she too was worried. The difference was, that she knew what seemed overwhelming, it too would pass. ‘She knew, she’d be there for Jessie. Jessie was sensitive, but her mother believed that sensitivity would become part of her strength.’

Jessie had fallen asleep crying and awoke two hours later her sister had come to visit. “Jessie, wake up we need to talk.”

“I don’t want to, I’m so embarrassed.”

Rachel’s light giggle irritated Jessie, “Turn around and talk, it’s not that bad.”

Jessie spoke through tears, “You don’t understand Jacob McCaulley saw me as a girl and I’m not going to be able to show my face. I wish I were dead.”

Rachel sat next to Jessie and placed her hand gently on Jessie’s back. “Jessie, you know that Jacob's not only Rob’s friend. He likes you and wouldn’t intentionally hurt you?”

“It wasn’t intentional, but he saw me as a girl. Are you going to tell me he won’t tell others? You know better and so do I?”

“Jess, if he told you himself, would you believe it then? He thinks you make a pretty girl.”

There’s another voice, “Jessie, I have only known you as Jeff so far, but you should already know I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“Ugh, no, I’m so embarrassed,” Jessie pounds her pillow. Rachel puts several tissues in her hands. Jessie uses her other hand to hold down the hem of her skirt as she moves to sit up. Rachel scoots over to allow Jessie to sit up next to her. Jessie feels two hands reaching for her. She looks and it’s Rob and Jake both seeking to let her know they are there for her.

Jake says, “You still don’t have your makeup on. Rob and your sister say you look a lot better when you’re not crying and have a little makeup on. If you want, I’d be willing to go home and miss dinner. I wouldn’t want you to cry anymore on my account.”

Jessie looks up sheepishly at him, “You know that’s not necessary. I just can’t believe things are okay. I’m so embarrassed.”

Jacob laughs, “I can’t believe Rob’s younger brother is such an attractive chic. That makes us even…” He pauses, “If I leave you alone, would you be willing to dry your eyes and use some makeup?”

Jessie looks up trying to hold back from laughing with him. She only nods her head. Jake and Rob leave the sisters alone. “They’re going downstairs, go wash your face and put a new face on.” Rachel nudges Jess, “Being a boy, you’re the luckiest girl I know. You keep getting caught and yet come out smelling like a rose.”

It was five-forty when Jessie made her way downstairs. Rachel took her to the front room where Jake was. Jessie felt embarrassed showing herself off to a boy. It was now Jake’s turn to be embarrassed or impressed. Jake, Rob, and Mr. Preston couldn’t help but be impressed with how Jessie looked and they all said so, one way or another.

The doorbell rang and Rachel checked to see who it was as Jessie made for the hallway. “You might want to turn around Jessie it’s one of your friends.”

Jess stayed in the hallway and asked, “Who?”

“Tami.”

“Tell her just a moment.”

Jessie walks over to the door takes a deep breath, and opens the door, saying, “Come in if you dare Tami.”

Tami steps in and looks to Jessie, “OMG, I can’t believe how pretty, no beautiful, you are!” They hug and Tami says, “It’s even like hugging another girl.”

Tami stepped back seeing the others. “Oh, I just came to give you this ‘Thank you’ Mom thinks I owe you for helping me with my math homework.”

Mom had come into the room, “That’s sweet of you Tami, but I think it means as much to Jess, Jeff. Tami, why don’t you join us for dinner, we have plenty?”

“I shouldn’t Mrs. Preston, my Mom would be upset. I'm not to stay unless I was already invited.”

Mom says, “Then I’ll call your Mom and get permission for you to stay. Rachel, why don’t you take the girls to your room and Jacob and your father can stay out here while Rob helps me.”

Tami couldn’t wait to get to Rachel’s room to speak, “Wow, Jessie, is it? You put Danny to shame and I don’t even know if he’d dress like this. Turn around please.” She looks to Rachel, “Are you the one who helps dress Jessie and do her makeup?” Tami turns back to Jessie, “Jeff how long have you been doing this, you look so good?”

Rachel says, “Slow down Tami, so we can answer. No, I didn’t do it this time; Jess’ is good enough now she did it. I might help if we're going out.”

Tami echoes, “Going out.” Jessie sits down on Rachel’s bed and her girl discipline of sweeping the skirt under her is not lost from Tami’s scrutiny. “I’ve been watching and listening, Jessie’s different than Jeff.” Jessie’s happy, she notices. Tami says, “So how long?” Jess became scared about saying too much and Rachel realized it.

“I caught Jeff over two weeks ago in some of my stuff. First I forced him to let me dress him and make him up as a girl. When Mom came home his punishment got worse. She got him his outfit and let me take him to see Cinderella.” Tami giggled at that. Rach continues, “A friend and her sister went with us. I didn’t realize her sister knew I didn’t have a younger sister. That I said Jessie was found out again. Susan treated him like a Ken doll she could dress up and that was the start of it.”

“Woe Jessie, can I have a chance for you to be my Barbie doll? When I got to taste your lips, I didn’t dream there was a complete package?” Jessie still wanted to be Jeff with Tami but for now, was glad to be comfortable with her as Jessie.

Rachel asks, “What do you mean ‘You got to taste her lips’?”

Tami squirms but confesses, “I got Jeff to wear some lip gloss when we were alone and we kissed. I thought lipstick should go with his girly earrings. I confess I thought he was delicious. But we didn’t go any further, I swear.”

Rachel looks to Jessie, “Speaking of lipstick, you didn’t use any when you made yourself up. You should rectify that. Jacob was told you look better with makeup that includes your lips.

Tami asks, “When did Jacob come to know Jeff dresses as Jessie?”

Jessie sighs, “A few hours ago, I showered and dressed as Jessie. I was going from the shower to my bedroom and Robby and Jake came bounding upstairs. Ugh, he’s the first boy to know about me.”

“So, I’m not the first girl outside the family,” Tami guesses.

“Margaret next door, my counselor, and Susan the younger sister of Rach’s friend.”

Tami takes hold of both hands of Jessie, “Then, this is not just a case of dress up?”

Jessie starts to say, “It is but…” She pauses, “No, you’re right, it is more than dress up. You were correct before when you said Jessie’s different from Jeff. I’ve liked it when you’ve seen what you call my sensitive side. I liked it when you encouraged me to wear pretty earrings and enjoyed being my friend.

“Rachel is an awesome big sister. I like being around her and it hurt as I grew up and they said I wasn’t to this or that with her. I think that is when I noticed I was attracted to her stuff. First, it was… Oh, TMI.”

Tami quickly chimes in, “Not really, you were just letting me be a real friend to me and Rachel the big sister you admire. …Somehow, it is okay for us to admire and emulate male singers or sportspeople. A guy can like Taylor Swift, but if a guy says he wants to be like her or sing as well as her; he’d probably be made fun of or questioned about what kind of a guy he was.”

Rachel says, “Exactly, when Jeff was a tyke and Carrie Underwood was just becoming famous, and Jeff went crazy over her. When he became eleven, I think he was told…”

Jessie speaks up, “I was told I was too old; I needed to quit collecting her stuff and writing fan letters… I didn’t realize it then, Jessie was inside Jeff. Jessie especially thought admiring Carrie was wonderful. I don’t know where Jeff ends and Jessie began with admiring her.”

Tami says, “I have a few ‘Carrie’ like dresses.” Jessie is shaking her head affirming that she has seen at least two of them. “You know of the pastel blue and the white lace dress, I’m talking about don’t you?”

Jessie says, “You wore the blue one last night. You were so pretty!”

Tami says, “You know what would be cute? If I wore the blue one again and dressed you up in my white lace dress. What do you think Rachel?”

Rachel giggles, “It sounds like something she’d enjoy, but I’m not sure Jessie should be…’

Mom calls everyone to dinner and the table has been extended with its extra leaf. The boys, Rob and Jacob are on one side; the girls, Rachel, Tami, and Jessie are on the other with a parent at each end of the table. Jacob gave a little laugh as Jessie took a drink of water and set her glass down. Rob asks, “What is so funny?”

Jacob smiles, “I’ve not seen a guy leave lipstick marks on the glass.”

Jessie quickly got up and tried to run upstairs to her room, but Jacob felt bad and was right behind her. He caught her halfway up the steps. “Hey Jessie, please don’t run away to your room every time I put my foot in my mouth trying to joke.” They’re now on the same step, looking at each other. “It is kind of funny and kinda not. I’m tempted to kiss you and let you know how much I like you.” They’re both a little embarrassed as he leans forward to kiss her. Jessie even closed her eyes and pursed her lips as he did.

“I will try to behave,” said Jacob, “but please don’t run off again.”

Mom is at the base of the steps, “I want you both to behave and come back down here for dinner.” She hands Jacob a napkin, “Please wipe your lips before returning to the dining room.” She looks at me, “Jessie, what am I going to do with you? You and I will need to speak privately later.”

All I dare say is, “Yes Mom, thanks for being here.” I gently squeezed her hand hoping it conveyed my appreciation and understanding. I was comforted when she gently squeezed back and gently kissed my cheek.

I was sitting between Rachel and Tami. As I sat back down, Rachel squeezed my hand and Tami tapped me on the other side. The rest of the meal went well. Rach and Tami quietly told me, they’d teach me more about wearing lipstick.

I was reluctant to look at Jacob as we ate, but I finally did. I was upset seeing Jacob taking an interest in Tami. ‘Was it that I wanted Tami for me or was I jealous that Tami was getting his attention?’ I found myself asking, “Jacob do you have a girlfriend now?”

Tami took offense and turned a question back to me, “Were you hoping for a date?”

“I’d date a girl like you if I could, but I can’t date until I’m fifteen.”

Jacob responds, “I was wondering if Tami can date, seeing I don’t have a girlfriend now.

“Pity me, I can’t date now, but maybe next year when I’m fourteen,” perks Tami. “If I could date, I would still prefer Jeff. We’ve become good friends.”

Dad changes the subject asking, “Who are people picking to be in the Final Four?” Though only Rob is picking them, everyone agrees Kentucky as the only undefeated team is highly favored. Mom and Tami have chosen Duke, Jacob, and Dad are for Wisconsin as Jeff is too but Rachel and Jessie were rooting for Gonzaga. Dad challenged me, “I thought you were rooting for Wisconsin?”

I try whispering to Dad, “That’s as Jeff. I like Rachel root for underdogs.” Dad shakes his head and everyone else with him laughs or is quiet.

Tami goes home shortly after dinner as Rachel and I are responsible for washing and drying the dishes. Usually, I wouldn’t have to, having a guest, but Rob too had a guest and had already helped earlier.

I couldn’t believe our discussion as we did the dishes. Rachel gave me tips on how to avoid leaving lipstick marks. It was funny as Jeff thinks such a conversation is ridiculous while Jessie listens intently. I was always interested in cheap lipstick, but I didn’t realize there were super-long-lasting lipsticks. Rachel would allow me to try one after we were finished with the dishes.

I had no sooner used Rachel’s dark red super-stay lipstick and let it set, and Mom called me to visit with her. “This young lady is what I want to talk to you about. You are moving too fast in trying to grow as a young woman. Today has been a full day, tears and lipstick marks seemingly were the worst things that happened.

“You said you had a good time at Max Coulter’s, Jacob and Tami both have seen and accepted Jessie being part of who you are.” She pauses, “Would you like to tell me about your little kiss with Jacob on the stairs?”

Jess quickly says, “It was a quick little kiss that neither of us planned and it was done and forgotten.”

Mom says, “I accept most of that, but it shows how quickly things can happen and how natural it was for you to react like a girl. Just as significant, is how a boy quickly reacted to accepting you as a girl he was attracted to. That should give you a reason to pause and talk to me.”

I wanted to break down and cry, “Woe, young lady/man don’t cry to avoid talking about this.” Mom lifts my head and holds me at a comfortable distance. “In four weeks your Dad and I were going to take Rachel to Riviera Maya as part of her graduation present. Your Dad has wondered if you should be going with us. Rachel is very open to the idea. A friend of ours in government even says a special passport for you as Abigail Jessica Preston would be possible. Abigail was your great-grandmother on your father’s side of the family. Jessica was going to be your middle name, in case you felt you needed a more familiar name. I always liked Abigail as a girl's name in my generation.”

“Mom, are you thinking I’m going to be a girl?”

Mom takes my hands and waits until I’m looking directly at her. “No, I believe you as Jeff that Jeff is who you mostly are and will be. But I will not be one of those Moms who would try to suppress who you are. I know you are very sensitive and that means working through your identity as Jessie. You will have our support in doing so. Dr. Beth thinks summer is a long way off and the short break come Easter could help learn some things.”

“Jessie, that is almost a full four weeks away. I am more concerned about the next few weeks and who you are. Though we said that Saturdays and Thursdays after school you can dress as Jessie. We learned today, that we need to be ever mindful even of what we are doing.”

“Mom, I thought I was being responsible. You’ve been after me to make sure I wear a robe or am properly clothed. I did that today. Rob and whoever said Jacob could be here and didn’t warn me, they screwed it up!”

Mom says, “I apologize for that and Rob was just going by how we regularly do things. It is things like this just naturally unfold that will be the hardest to anticipate or be aware of.”

The following week was the most normal of the past few weeks. My visit with Dr. Beth included telling the hectic events of Saturday. It resulted in my next meeting being scheduled so I could change after school and come as Jessie. She took some blood samples again and gave me a testosterone blocker as we talked about the week before. “Your hormone level is lower than the average boy, but we’re also in the period it could change fast and drastically.” She said my parents had consented to a blocker and hormone shot. “Would you be open to taking a low dosage of female hormones? It shouldn’t change anything, but I’d like to see if your system has any response to them over the time you are meeting with me.”

Wednesday after school instead of walking home with Tami, I went with Max to his house. It was a colder day outside, so we spent the time inside playing video games. We weren’t there a long time when Max mentioned his friend Madden, “Madden said some eighth graders were going to give you a hard time when you went to the dance until he and another boy stood up with you.”

“Yeah, they were upset I had spoken up for Danny the other week. One said they were upset with how I wear my hair and the earrings I was wearing that night.”

Max said, “I like your ability to help style hair. It is upsetting to me that some people just can’t appreciate another guy’s thoughtfulness or his feelings about how he dresses. They make it about how they see him.”

He continued, “I feel compelled playing basketball and being a bigger guy that I’m expected to be aggressive but I’m more than that.”

Jeff spoke, “I thought it was nice last Saturday when you were rather easygoing in playing with me. It was like you didn’t mind I wasn’t at your level of play and that you were able to have fun in just being a friend and taking it easy on me.” Max smiled, I was sure he liked that I saw and appreciated that side of him.

Max says, “I like that about you.” Max excuses himself as he needs to use the toilet.

Jeff walks into the kitchen and says hello to Mrs. Coulter. She asks, “Jeff would you mind sitting down so we talk a moment?” Jeff takes a seat on a tall stool near the counter where she is working. She stops what she is doing and sits next to Jeff.

“I don’t know if you know that I work with our county’s LGBT community organization?” Jeff knew there was a group at the school and another at the college nearby, but he had not known more than that.

“I mention that because of last week when I saw the cute earrings you were wearing. Well, I don’t mean to imply anything, rather to ask and be sensitive to you.” She pauses trying to decide how to say more.

“I’m… I’m not…, Does Max know what you’re suggesting?” Jeff was nervous, “I’m not sure what to say. I’m not even sure of myself. I’m not trying to be or relate to Max in that way.”

Max is back and his mother asks, “Max would it be okay if Jeff and I talk a bit?”

“Mom, you didn’t upset him did you?” After Jeff said he was okay, Max left them alone.

Mrs. Coulter simply says, “Max knows that I observed your earrings and he knows all about the LGBT scene. Further than that is between you two.”

Jeff’s eyes widen, he gulps, “Is he, um; I like him, but I guess I’m not sure how?” He is becoming uncomfortable but trying hard not to lose his composure or go running off. However, his body is getting excited, fortunately, nothing more.

Mrs. Coulter asks, “If you don’t mind would you confide with me about how you see yourself?”

Jeff is quiet as he tries to decide what to say. He is surprised to find himself comfortable about trusting Mrs. Coulter and possibly talking about himself. “I’m not sure where to start, it’s just the past four weeks or so that I stopped hiding. I got caught, first by my sister, then my brother, and Mom knew as well it kind of came to the surface.”

“I guess I like dressing up and being like a girl. Dr. Beth Hunt has begun to meet with me, even though she isn’t saying anything more than acknowledging I have some gender issues different from others. I don’t think I’m attracted to other boys. I hope you won’t be offended if I say I was confused last week and again now. I feel somehow close to Max in ways I shouldn’t. I am working to just be friends, I won’t be bad with him.”

Jeff becomes quiet hoping Mrs. Coulter might say something. She does, “I appreciate you trusting me to talk as you’re doing. Can I ask, if your parents and family are supportive of you? I think it is important to know if you are not being abused or forced to do anything you’re not comfortable with!”

Jeff kind of giggles, “No, they do worry about things going too fast. Some others have come to know about me as Jessie. I still have problems feeling guilty or that I’m a sissy. I don’t like the idea that I’d even like boys. It is like, I’m not sure of anything right now.”

Mrs. Coulter looks at her watch, “Max’s sister and brother should be coming home soon and I was getting ready to prepare dinner. If you’re wanting to continue talking, I don’t want to stop you. We just need a decision, and maybe you would want to talk to your parents.”

Jeff looks at the kitchen clock, “I probably should be getting home soon, but if you don’t mind I should talk to Max. I don’t want to run off without saying goodbye." And I ask again, "Does he know about me?”

She smiles, “Yes, I think he knows about you and he likes you. I hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable.”

Jeff finds Max pacing in his room with the TV on. “I’m sorry that I took so much time with your Mom. Please don’t be upset with her. I guess you probably know a little of what we talked about. She was pretty certain you know I’m different. I like being your friend and hope we can continue to be friends.”

Max opens his arms to hug me in acceptance. It is kind of neat because I’m kind of calm about it. Somehow I don’t feel like a small kid in comparison to him. Max says, “I don’t know about you but it is kind of nice that another guy knows and we can be friends.”

I looked at him, his tender face and warm smile tempted me to want to kiss him. He wet his lips, and I kind of did the same. “We should just be friends,” he says.

I reached and touched his face. When his hand rose to touch mine, I brought it back to my cheek. We are just young teenage boys and I don’t think he has any more idea of what he is doing as we gently kiss. It was just a short moment, but it felt longer. I hugged him longer, “I would appreciate it if we could be friends. I better get going home now.” Max was saying something but I was in a hurry to leave and rushed out of the house.

It is some twenty blocks to my house, I had only walked about five when Max’s Sister Olivia drove up and said she was sent to give me a ride. It was nice not to walk the whole way. “Max said it might be helpful if you knew I care. Some people can be cruel in relating to you. Not getting upset is easier said than done, but their actions say more about them, than you.”

When we drove to my house she said, “I don’t think you’re quite like my brother. Do you have another name?”

I look at her, not immediately saying anything but “Thanks for the ride.” I paused before getting out of the car. “My name is Jessie, but only my friends know it.”

Olivia smiles, “Jessie, I consider you a friend.”

“I do too!” Olivia is a junior at the high school so I ask her, “Would it be okay if I told my sister about you?”

She grinned, “I’m no one special; I’m just another big sister like her.”

Jeff says “So is Rachel. I just thought it might be helpful if she had someone to talk to if she wanted.’

Mom came home from work as was I waved goodbye to Olivia. I tried talking to Rachel, but she had schoolwork she needed to get done as the high school had an evening event. I’m sure she heard that Olivia too was a big sister to a brother with issues. Her only comment was “It’s good to know, but I need to get this done, sorry.”

I waited for Mom to start dinner before I tried talking to her. “Mom, did you know Mrs. Coulter is on the LGBT county organization?”

Mom turns her head, “O Caroline Coulter, is that Max’s Mom? Did Max share that information or did she say something to you?”

I tell my Mom, “The last time I went over I had worn a pair of my girly earrings, so the holes wouldn’t close. That and I guess she was wondering. When Max went to use the toilet; she asked if she could ask me something personal. She first told me that she works with the county’s LGBT program. She has a way about her Mom as I wasn’t scared in sharing with her. I felt a sense of peace in confiding in her. She told me she knew Dr. Beth and agreed she was very good. She said if you wanted, she would be happy to visit with you. I didn’t realize it before but Max is gay and we’re not sure about our feelings for each other but we mostly want to be friends.”

Mom asks, “I don’t understand did you say or do you think he might have feelings for you?”

“You might not like to hear it, but it’s not just Max. But don’t worry, I know I’m only thirteen. I’m not ready to have Tami as a girlfriend or a boy… I can’t even believe I could think that.”

Mom and I hugged as I don’t think either of us wanted to look in the eyes of the other. “Honey, it has been hard enough to see you pretty up yourself and that you and Tami like each other. And it is even more so thinking of you and another boy. I need to be supportive and take these things one step, one day at a time.” She pauses, “Can you promise me that you’ll remember you just turned thirteen, and are much too young to… How do I say this …I don’t care if you’re my little girl or my youngest son. You’re not dating or getting more deeply involved with anyone. Do you hear that?”

Jeff/Jessie says, “You know Mom, Dad has put off for over a year that father/son discussion with me that he gave Rob. Now I’m not so comfortable having it with him being Jessie too. I’m pretty sure the feelings that I’m having that now seem normal to me, might not be normal for most kids my age.”

Mom is sitting with me, shaking her head, part in worry and part in wonder. She says, “Can I ask, can you tell if it is Jeff or Jessie who has feelings for Tami and um Max?”

My voice changes to Jessie’s, “Jeff and I are both attracted to Tami and other girls. I think it’s mostly me with Max though I’m not sure how Max sees it. I only have my boy body to respond with when I get excited. But when I felt the desire to kiss Max it was Jessie’s eyes that closed and my lips as well.”

“You kissed Max,” Mom asked excitedly.

“I didn’t mean to, it was short and sweet. Just before I left to come home. We’ve agreed to only be friends.”

“Young lady,” she hugs me, “what am I to do with you? Your emotions and feelings I can even see them on your face as we visit. In one way you are so innocent and new to all of this, and you seem to be developing and maturing way too fast. What do you think?”

“I know my nipples never tingled before, and Dr. Beth said the medicine would take time for anything to be noticeable. Otherwise, I think I’m just growing up. Some friends had acted like boyfriend and girlfriend even in fifth grade. I knew Tami and other girls were cute last year, but I can’t say I had the feeling I do now.”

We were back to preparing supper and agreed we could talk more another time.

Friday was fairly cold so I took the opportunity to wear a woman’s tee underneath; the top was white so it would be safe even if they saw it. The only problem was that the art classroom was hot. I complained and asked if I could open a window and move closer to it. Ms. Townsed, “No if you have a good shirt underneath you can take off your top shirt. Girls don’t have that luxury, they need the places near the window.” She later came to ask why I didn’t take off my sweatshirt.

When I looked up from my drawing and sat up, she whispered, “I guess I can see why you might not do that.” I looked at her with a puzzled look, she invited me up to her desk before she said anything more. “You realize some women’s tops have a scalloped border around the top and straps or short sleeves? It appears you are wearing one. I am more than willing to make sure no one would tease you in my class if you took off your bulky top.”

“O’ I guess I should say thank you.” I would have tried to explain or make an excuse, but I was afraid I’d only make it worse.

Ms. Towers smiles, “You’re not the first boy to experiment. Too bad we don’t have a drama class where you could get into playing different characters. Be careful some teachers might not be nice if they figure out what you’re wearing.”

I wanted to say, ‘But the school wouldn’t allow it.’ She said, “Most won’t openly attack you for being different, they’ll just make things ugly and difficult trying to get you to switch classes or to mess you up.” What she said was something to think about.

Before class ended she handed me a note: “I coach the girls’ freshmyn volleyball team. If you want, next September you could help as a volunteer manager.”

During lunch Tami and April told me in definite terms, they wanted me to go with them to Tami’s house after school. I guess I should have understood what they meant when they said they wanted to play with dolls. It had been years since I played with dolls and never with a girl since I was five or six.

I saw Max several times during the day, he too was hoping I would come over to his house. He looked disappointed when I said I couldn’t. The last time I saw him, I said, “Don’t feel bad, I still want to be friends. It is just I am busy.” He seemed to be happier but asked when we could get together. I had to get to my next class so we didn’t agree on anything.

I was looking forward to being Jessie on Saturday.

When school was over for the day, yeah for the week. I was anxious to walk home with April and Tami. I liked the fact they were extra happy to see me. We stopped at April’s house long enough for her to drop off most of her books and get her overnight bag. I wished aloud that I could be part of their overnight. Tami and April giggled, “You’d have to be one of us.”

I was surprised to see Mrs. Johnson already home from work. She let the two girls go up and change before she sought to say more than hello. “I talked to your mother on the phone yesterday about Jessie staying here for dinner tonight, maybe longer. This morning she dropped off some clothes, in case you’d be open to staying. My husband and our son are gone for the weekend so I thought you might be comfortable being here as a girl. Neither April nor I have seen Jessie, but we know you exist.”

“Tami has asked about the possibility, but she doesn’t know I am asking if you would like to do it now. If you decide ‘no’ that will be fine. You could just help and do your homework together. If you decide to stay, you should call your mother later and let her know.”

She pointed to an overnight bag that looked like belonged to Rachel. I go over to it, unzip it, and gently look inside. There is some of my makeup on top, an outfit for Jessie, and some clothes for overnight. I look up to Mrs. Johnson, I’m both nervous and excited. It is hard to decide what to do, Tami has seen Jessie. It would be new to dress as Jessie away from home. April and Caroline, Mrs. Johnson, only know of me.

Tami comes down the steps and finds me going through the overnight bag. “What are you doing, let me see?”

I try to block her from looking in, saying, “Your mother says I’m invited for dinner and to stay overnight if I want. …My Mom brought over some of Jessie’s clothes just in case I said yes.”

Tami giggles, “That is funny because April and I intend for you to become our Barbie doll while you’re here. Let me see, did your mother put in one of your bras?” She begins taking things out of the bag, neatly placing them on the sofa. One pile is my makeup, hairbrush, hair clips, earrings, toothbrush and more. She giggles as she lifts out and sets aside a pair of teddy bear pajamas. Neatly folded at the bottom are a skirt/blouse outfit, pantyhose, bra, and two pairs of panties. Tami says, “There is even an extra top. Are you open to going shopping with us tomorrow?”

I did not see April come into the room, “So did our Barbie come with her clothes? I thought we were going to sneak her to your room to do this.”

Mrs. Johnson says, “Jeff didn’t know and hasn’t decided…” With that, Tami grabs Jeff’s hand and pulls him with her. April is picking up the clothes. Mrs. Johnson speaks louder, “Let him decide.”

“It’s Jessie and she says yes,” Tami said as she continued taking Jeff to her room.

Mrs. Johnson follows, “You need to let Jessie start on her own to change clothes and get at least panties, a bra, and a skirt on to be decent. Jeff/Jessie are you comfortable doing this or do you want me to put a stop to this? It is your choice, not Tami’s.”

“I would like to stay for dinner. I think Jessie can start on her own but I think playing dolls might be enjoyable with April and Tami helping me.” Mrs. Johnson realizes it is Jessie’s voice she is hearing.

Everyone smiled as Jeff pulled off his sweatshirt in front of everyone and his girly tee was revealed in its full glory…

To be continued…

“I would like to stay for dinner... Jessie can only do so much alone, but I think playing dolls might be enjoyable with April and Tami helping me.” ...Mrs. Johnson realizes it is Jessie’s voice she is hearing. ...Everyone smiled as Jeff pulled off his sweatshirt in front of everyone and his girly tee was revealed in its full glory…

Now…
Jessie took her skirt, panties, and bra into the bathroom that adjoined Tami’s and Jennifer’s rooms. “Would you mind if I took a quick shower before dressing again?”

Mrs. Johnson suggested, “It might be helpful if you shampoo and condition your hair, so I or the girls can help style it.” While Jessie was busy in the shower, someone opened the door and set two fresh fluffy towels on the sink counter.

The upstairs bathroom at home did not have the shampoo or conditioner like Rachel or here that Tami and Jennifer used. It was evident the difference it makes in the life and body of her hair after the shower. Jessie also enjoyed the fragrance of the body wash she used.

Having pat-dried her body and hair, Jessie put on her panty and bra. She was a bit disappointed she did not have her breast forms and needed to use the tissue to give her upper body a more girly shape. It also meant the other girls would see, she was not real. Something they knew, but Jessie liked thinking they did not. She opened the door to Tami’s room just enough to ask, “Can you hand me my printed blouse?”

Tami giggled, “Come out here and put it on, we use some tissue to be bigger too.”

Jessie complained, “I’m the only one who will be showing off her bra and what she doesn’t have.”

It was a moment, but Jessie waited and they finally handed in the desired blouse, but then pulled it back and opened the door. Mrs. Johnson was not there as April and Tami were without their tops and giggling. Tami held Jessie’s blouse so she could put it on.

Jessie said, “Wow you are pretty. I don’t see any tissue that you’re using.”

April says, “That’s the way it should be, we want to look just a little better, not like we’re looking for the wrong reputation. Boys can be crude enough without helping them along.”

Jessie says, “You two better put your tops back on before your mother comes in and throws me out yelling that I’d better not ever come back.”

Tami’s giggle belies her protest, “You mean, you don’t like us like this?”

“You know better that’s why you’re teasing me. Instead of wasting time gawking at you, I could use help with my makeup,” Jessie said with a sense of pleading with them.

April says, “I thought you already knew how to do your makeup. Tami, didn’t you tell me that?”

“And I thought you wanted me like a Barbie doll?”

Tami takes Jessie to her vanity, as Jessie is ready to see how they would treat her. April says, “Look at that, Tami. She’s crossed her fingers. I think she’s making a wish to become our Barbie Princess.”

Tami says, “Let’s do our best. I want her to change into my white lace dress before we show her off?” Tami even put on one of Carrie’s CDs to set the mood. “I expect you to sing along Jessie.” I do, but it's only a whisper of a voice until I'm forced to sing out more.

April insisted on using “Sing with Jessie’s voice, don’t try to imitate Carrie. That won’t hurt in developing your voice.” I didn’t think I wanted to develop a girl's voice. Jeff's not much of a singer and I don’t expect Jessie to be either.

It was good that I was a brunette and not a blonde like Carrie or Tami. They kept me from seeing myself until they were ready for me to change into Tami’s white lace dress. Now I had to lose my blouse and skirt so they could place the lace dress down over me. I did keep my half-slip on.

Jessie isn’t thinking as Tami wraps her curling iron around her for a third set of curls on the left side of her head. She protests, but they convince her there is no alternative but to balance off the other side with similar curls. Finally, she's allowed to see in the mirror; she is no Carrie or a stunning princess, but wow, there is a very pretty teen girl looking back at her.

While she’s standing there, Tami sets a pair of 3” strap high-heeled shoes in front of me. She helps me to step into them as I am looking in the mirror. The girls giggle because they fit so well on my feet. Tami says, “Princess your glass shoes fit, I wonder if Prince Charming is searching for you?”

With that, we hear her mother calling us to dinner. I cannot slip the shoes off as April goes in front of me and Tami is prodding me from behind. “Now be very careful as you walk down the stairs. Make sure the heel and toes are down both before you take your next step.”

I had gone down three of the ten or twelve steps when I heard Jennifer calling her Mom. “Mom, come here, please. Barbie’s coming down the stairs in three-inch heels. She is just darling.”

I look up just for a moment, returning a smile to Jennifer and lowering my head as Mrs. Johnson gets there. “You are doing very well, young lady,” I hear her saying. With two steps to go, she extends her hand to me, and I hold it as I walk down the last two steps. She raises her hand holding mine and asks, “Turn around if you would. Thank you, dear.”

Jennifer says, “If she is wearing that dress while she eats I would suggest she wear an apron or something as a large bib.” I worked hard in eating to remember everything my mother taught me and things I heard the past three weeks about taking small bites and more.

Jennifer was watching as I drank my milk. I was happy as the glass was away from my mouth without leaving lipstick on it. Tami said, “No, we did not use the super-stick lipstick. If you watch closely, she has learned to wet her lips before taking a sip. I guess her sister taught her after Sunday’s dinner at their house.”

I volunteered to wash the dishes, but Mrs. Johnson said, “Honey, we are not having you help with the dishes dressed as pretty as you are.”

I spoke to myself as I went into their living room to sit and wait. “I surely wished I had somewhere to go while I was nicely dressed. What would a girl so wonderfully dressed be going to?”

Jennifer says from behind her, “The university ballet troupe has their opening show tonight at 8:00 p.m. I had hoped to go with my mother, but that is not happening.”

“We have an hour, would it be impossible to go yet tonight?”

Mrs. Johnson says, “Tonight no, but if you would stay until tomorrow night. You could go to dinner and the ballet with us. We could even ask your Mom if anyone in your family would like to go with us. Your mother might be stopping over to see how you are behaving. I think she’s coming to see I am not shocked or dismayed by the pretty girl you made me to be.”

Jessie says, “I can’t believe everyone treats this as normal.”

“O don’t think, I see it as life as usual, but your mother and I go back a long way. I trust her enough to stay open if she is involved in something. You probably don’t remember stopping over when you were little and we lived on High Street. When I heard from Tami that you were wearing girls’ earrings. It reminded me of when you were four or so. You loved playing with the girls’ stuff. You were an active child, but I thought then you had the heart and soul of a girl.”

The doorbell rang. I was already up and leaving the room. “Stay right here. It is probably your mother, and no one else would recognize you as Jeff.” She checked and then opened the door. Come on in, Terri. I have a pretty young lady who was just visiting with me.”

“Hi, Mom.” I curtsy for some unknown reason.

“Wow Jessie, where are you off to?”

Caroline said, “She was wondering out loud where she could go so nicely dressed. Jennifer suggested we could go to dinner tomorrow night and then to the university’s ballet.”

Mom says, “Jeff would never sit still for that.”

“But your daughter Jessie is very open to the idea. But if she is a real girl the same dress won’t do,” Mrs. Johnson says.

Jessie says, “If I changed out of it now I could wear it tomorrow. We’ve already bought me too much to get a dress this beautiful.” The two mothers look at each other and one says, “That’s Jeff speaking.” Jessie’s mom hugs her.

Carol asks, “Is she right Terri, have you been spoiling this young girl?”

Mom says, “By Jeff’s standards, yes, and with some of Rachel’s old stuff she has a nice wardrobe. It is okay that she feels a little spoiled.”

Carol says, “I was just asking because I’m taking the girls shopping tomorrow and if we found a nice dress, fitting for the occasion I’d be happy to buy it for you.”

Mom smiles, “I wouldn’t mind meeting with you tomorrow at Von Maur’s. There is a sales girl there who already knows Jessie. I’m sure she would discretely help us.”

Carol says, “I’m taking the girls around 10:00 a.m., why don’t you meet us inside the mall at the Von Maur entrance? We can shop there and then stop for a light lunch. The girls can sit together and we can visit without their distracting us. Would you and Rachel consider going with us for the nice dinner and then the ballet?”

“You’re right in thinking it would be us, Roger wouldn’t be caught going to a ballet.” Mom changed the subject. “I do have with me two bits I’d like a discreet place to put them on Jessie as I told you.” Jessie was embarrassed and the two moms were sensitive and Mrs. Johnson took the two to her bedroom. She also brought out of the bathroom a damp cloth and towels.

Jessie had already taken off the dress and her bra. Terri was impressed with how Jessie laid the dress on the bed next to where she would lie down. Caroline was a bit embarrassed, to which Terri replied, “I guess she is comfortable with you being here.”

Caroline stayed, interested in seeing how Terri marked Jessie’s chest, spread the adhesive and minutes later lightly pressed the two small forms into place. It took another five minutes for the adhesive and the applied makeup around the edges to set.

As Jessie sat up, Mrs. Johnson remarked, “You look very pretty, Jessie.” Jessie soon had her bra back on and the forms were big enough to fill the cups and show her breasts off nicely.

“Thanks, Mrs. Johnson. Shouldn’t I be putting my outfit on and save this dress for tomorrow?”

Her Mom said, “I think it would be nice for you to put it back on. I’d like to see if the girls notice the change. I think we will manage to find a nice dress for you to wear. It should be nice for you and Tami and Rachel and Jennifer to dress up and take in a dinner and a night at the ballet.”

April and Tami had already been looking for Jessie when the moms and Jessie emerged back in the living room. Tami worriedly asked, “She’s not in trouble and needs to go home, is she?”

Mrs. Johnson smiled at Tami and April’s concern. “No, her Mom wanted to speak with Jessie and help her with something.” April’s eyes came together seriously, wondering what that meant. Tami, however, was busily looking until she noticed the difference.

“Wow, look at you, you’re one of us. Did you have them on the other day?” Tami hugged her, “No I don’t think you were wearing them Sunday.” The two moms watched in amusement. “April do you see she has her own boobs now.”

April’s eyes lit up, “O my Jessie, you’re going to transition?”

Jessie quickly denies it, “No, I just like dressing as a girl, my Mom got these to help me have a sense of what it’s like.”

Tami says, “I think she’s in denial and having trouble because Jeff is her too.”

My Mom hugged Tami and whispered, “We’re not completely sure, but you might have summed it up the best of anyone so far. I am pleased that she has you as friends.”

Jessie asks, “Mom, do you think I’m in denial?”

“With how strongly Jessie is part of you, maybe some. I think it is more you’re protecting Jeff, the part of you that you’re most familiar with,” his Mom says. “You’re the one to determine that over time with Dr. Hunt’s help.”

Caroline Johnson recognized Dr. Hunt’s name from over at the university. She encouraged the girls to go play, “Why don’t you go do your girl stuff? If you’re going to use makeup or do nails Jessie should change out of that dress. Why don’t you teach her to dance or, even better yet do karaoke?”
Jessie was trying to say she didn’t sing, but Tami thought otherwise.

Carol turned to Terri, “Through my work at the university I’ve heard of Dr. Beth sometimes. I guess the university would like to use her more. She helps lead two support groups. She’ll only take fifteen percent of her clients from the university. Someone said she has a larger problem holding her pro-bono work to fifteen percent. The groups are extra and I guess her other clients help her afford to help people.”

Terri asks, “It sounds good but do you know of anyone who she has helped?”

“I didn’t know who Jeff got in to see until now. But if it is true that she took you right away, someone must have spoken up for you. Usually, three months is the shortest wait; most times it is often longer,” Carol says. “From what I hear, she has helped many students wrestling with their gender stuff. I’ve talked to her twice over coffee in the staff’s cafeteria. She’s good at not sharing and holding people’s confidence.”

“We’ve talked more about abuse issues involving women and children, but we got into a good discussion relating to gender identity or sexual orientation. I guess after clients open up and wrestle through their stuff many come to an acceptance or discover things are sometimes different from what others had them in thinking.”

Terri said, “I heard Dr. Hunt was the best in the area, but after I initially talked to her I was surprised I heard back from her yet that day. I wonder if I ask, "If she’ll tell me how we got in to see her so quickly. Maybe, I should be quiet and just be thankful.”

“Carol, I feel bad about opening up to you, since it’s been a while since we’ve visited as friends. I don’t like returning just when there's a need. I hope you wouldn’t mind if we become closer friends again?”

Carol warmly says, “I’m glad my daughter took an interest in Jeff speaking up for Danny. Danny had been a close friend of Jennifer’s and this household. The first day Tami came home giggling she might have talked some boy into wearing girly earrings to school. She said she liked the boy before but never told him.”

“She noticed him once in a Taekwondo demonstration in the community. She remembered knowing him when they were little and played together. She likes guys built like him, but she was quite surprised when Jeff showed her to be Jessie. I’m quite surprised that the bond seems even stronger now.”

Terri says, “I’ve been delightfully surprised how she and a few others have accepted him. I don’t think many know. I’m afraid of when negative or ugly responses come. I am pretty sure they will."

Mom asks, "Can you tell me if Tami remarked about what she finds attractive about Jeff or Jessie.”

“Her attraction to Jeff is easy,” Carol says. “Her Aunt Francine’s abuse by her husband became quite noticeable in the last three years of her marriage. Her uncle was a big macho man. Tami has had trouble with boys whom she identifies like him ever since she was eight years old. Jeff isn’t either big or small. She says he’s not like the number one kid with anybody, much of the time people don’t even notice him. But she says many people count him as a friend.”

Carol asks, “Did Jeff say anything about Tami?”

Terri giggles, “He said she is so pretty that he was surprised she noticed him. He said all the guys wanted to dance with her or have her walk with them. He never associated her with the little girl he played with. She was a very attractive girl who moved in one block away several years ago. He always felt she wouldn’t notice him or like him if she knew him?”

Carol asks, “Do you think he might have been afraid that she might come to know about his girl side?”

“I don’t know but that is an interesting thought. I am sure Jessie didn’t just show up four weeks ago.” Terri starts to tear up, “What kind of mother am I that I didn’t see this before and deal with it?”

Carol takes hold of Terri’s hands, “From how comfortable Jessie is with herself right now, I’d have to guess you’re a pretty good mom. Jeff sees himself as a sensitive boy, how close is that to the image Jessie casts?”

“Tami likes Jessie because boy or girl she likes the person. The thought that Jeff could be the cross of a Ken and Barbie doll interested her. Since Sunday she has wanted to see Jessie in that white lace dress. She sees Jessie as that little boy she knew coming over to play at the other house.”

Terri was now in Carol’s arms crying and weeping. She was not overwhelmed with tears. Instead, it was like she allowed herself to relax and the tears and relief of an adult friend knowing was overdue and a relief. They enjoyed a cup of tea before Terri went back home.

It was usually Tami or April who took the lead in singing, but the two girls coaxed Jessie to sing out more and more. By the time, Mrs. Johnson came to check on them, Jessie was singing her third song as one of the lead singers. She was relieved to see that while Jessie’s fingers and toenails were painted; the white lace dress was still spotless.

Tami’s Mom said, “If I let the three of you sleep together in this room, I need you to promise that you won’t be showing yourselves off to one another?”

Tami puts her hands on her hips, “But it is okay if we show each other our boobs, wouldn’t it? She has the same bra and girl stuff we do.” Tami paused, “Do we need to send her home if we can’t promise?”

“You three have heard me and I’m just going to trust you.” Carol says, “Jessie is going shopping with you tomorrow and staying an extra night to see the ballet with us tomorrow night.”

April says, “I have to go home after we go shopping. I wish I could stay, I’ve never seen a ballet except on TV for a short time.”

Tami’s Mom says, “You are welcome to come if your parents would say you could.”

“No, I’m sure we’re already scheduled to go someplace.”

Tami giggles, “Jessie, I think it is time for you to change out of the dress and get ready for bed.”

Jessie finds her overnight bag and asks where to change it. April helps to unzip the back of Jessie’s dress. “You don’t need to worry about us we’ve seen a girl’s nipples before. You might only get to do this once as a girl, but if you’re not comfortable don’t do it.”

Jessie slipped her arms out of the dress sleeves and held the dress up trying to decide what to do next. She stepped out of the dress knowing she still had on her bra, panties, and a slip. With a warm glow to her cheeks, she reached back and unhooked her bra. The other girls were impressed that Jeff would be able to unhook his bra so easily. Jessie looked down at herself as she took the bra and folded it. Then she hurried to the bathroom to shower.

Tami began filling the shower with water, “You’re going to shower first, then us, and then the three of us can take care of our makeup and faces.”

April and Tami took off their tops in the bedroom while Jessie was in the shower. She did not expect them to dress down to just their panties in front of her. She knew she should look away but she didn’t. Instead, she was impressed that she looked amazingly like them. With that, the girls disappeared into the bathroom.

Jessie did the others the favor of picking up their clothes. The two girls' clothes smelled somehow different. She was sure part of it was either perfume or powder, but she wondered if girls smelled different.

Out of the shower and fairly dry the two girls had towels wrapped around their bodies and came out teasing and daring Jessie to knock their towels down. Jessie said no and excused herself for five minutes.

When she left the room, she went downstairs to find Mrs. Johnson. She did not intend to look into Jennifer’s room, but she did, and Jennifer invited her in. Jennifer was lounging in a pair of loose shorts and a short-sleeve top, apparently without a bra. Jessie said, “I thought you’d be out tonight. I thought pretty girls always go out Friday night.”

Jennifer asked, “Does your sister always go out?”

“No, but she’s just my sister.” Jennifer was amused by Jessie’s answer. She knew Rachel did not always go out but thought Rachel being a senior and probably prettier, she thought Jessie would be boasting.

“Don’t you think your sister is attractive and could have as many dates as she wanted?”

Jessie said without hesitation and with great pride, “My sister is very pretty. She has a new boyfriend, but I don’t think he can afford to date her. But even when she doesn’t have a boyfriend, I think guys are afraid to ask her out, thinking she’s too pretty. I bet boys think that about you.”

“Well thank you for the compliment, Jessie. Is that what Jessie thinks or the little brother?”

Jessie looks down as she says, “You probably think it’s silly but I don’t know. I’m observing things more and more as Jessie. Do you think it’s silly for me to be acting like a girl?”

Jennifer takes hold of Jessie’s hands, “Unusual yes, but you seem very natural as Jessie that I don’t see it as silly. It is hard to see Jeff as Jessie and even harder seeing you as Jeff if that makes any sense.”

“I hear, we’re going to the ballet at the university's big performing arts center tomorrow night. Did you ever wish you were a ballerina or a ballet dancer?”

Jessie was reluctant to admit and not sure she wanted to tell. “I couldn’t bring myself to ask to be a ballerina at Halloween or ask for ballet lessons. Because I didn’t want to be a boy dancer. I wouldn’t mind being a nurse, but I don’t want to be teased.” Jessie sensed the girls were now behind him and that she said too much.

In truth, Tami had stopped in the doorway and it was only she who heard part of what Jessie said. Tami too is in a quandary as Jeff/Jessie is changing from what she thought. When April pushed her from behind, she moved forward into the room. She gave Jessie a hug from behind. “You left us and didn’t come back.”

Jennifer changes the subject, “I was going to show Jessie the dress I plan to wear tomorrow to the ballet.” She goes over to a dress hanging in front of her closet. Taking it down, she holds it in front of her.

Tami says, “I am sure Jessie can’t see how good it looks just in front of you.”

Jennifer smiles and says, “April and Jessie turn around for a minute and I can quickly put it on.” The two turned and Jenny quickly lost what she was wearing and slipped the dress on. True to Tami’s words, one could not see how fantastic the dress was without her wearing it. Jennifer did realize as she dropped her dress down over her that she could see Jessie in her full-length mirror. Zipping up her dress and smoothing it out, she approached Jessie. “Were you a naughty girl in looking at me in the mirror?” Everyone began to giggle.

Jessie said, “You and the dress are very pretty. You have a nice waist that helps accent the lace on the sides.” Jessie steps back to see the dress and Jenny better. “Could you turn around please?” Jenny does. ‘Jessie reflects on the difference between Jenny from the three younger girls.’

Jenny asks, “Now what are you thinking, it is like there’s another picture in your mind?”

Jessie says, “I can see why a younger girl wants to be older.” The four began to laugh and ended up in a group embrace with Jessie in the middle hugging Jenny.

Mrs. Johnson enters the room, “What is all the giggling and fussing about?” She sees Jennifer in her dress and guesses part of the answer. “Are you showing off what you’re wearing tomorrow?”

“That and Jessie figured out why younger girls want to be older,” says Jenny. …Tami interjects, “Jenny thinks Jessie saw her change in the mirror.” No sooner does she say it, she worries about her mother’s reaction.

Mrs. Johnson only had to look at Jessie to know she felt bad. “I’m sorry Mrs. Johnson, I just looked when I saw movement and it was her in the mirror. I didn’t mean to. I’m not trying to be a bad girl.” Tears are welling up in her eyes.

“Jennifer and Tami, it was you who knew where the mirror was.”

Mrs. Johnson asked Jessie, “So are you going to be scarred for life; should I forbid you to go to the ballet or should we just admire Jennifer and her dress and move on?”

Jessie said, “O thank you, seeing Jennifer in the dress and going to the ballet. I’m just like a little girl in a dress shop.”

“So you are,” says Mrs. Johnson. “I see the three of you are ready to be cozy in your room. Are you going to sleep so you are rested up for shopping and the ballet tomorrow night?”

April said, “Isn’t it alright if we stay up to watch a movie and talk?”

Tami pulled her, “Let’s go; come on Jessie this is your first sleepover. One does not spend it with my Mom watching over us.”

Mrs. Johnson laughs, “Think that one over, there are cupcakes and hot chocolate downstairs, but I’ll be there too.”

They were soon downstairs around a table with twelve cupcakes in front of them. Jessie got her hot chocolate but had difficulty choosing a cupcake. This wouldn’t have been a problem before, Jeff would have chosen one knowing he’d be back for a second maybe a third. Jessie, thinking about how to treat Jenny, Tami, and April are planning only to eat one cupcake. For the past two weeks, she has been watching what she and Jeff eat. It is not an obsession just eating healthier. She picks one with white gooey icing.

The girls around midnight did take off their tops but were soon covered up again. Jessie was the first to fall asleep. The other girls poured water on her teddy bear bottom, hoping in the morning she’d think she wet herself. Jessie woke up during the night. At first, she was embarrassed but when she figured out what happened. She did the same to Tami and April. April woke up immediately and asked, “How did you know?”

“It didn’t smell like pee and this glass was in the bathroom.” April knew where Tami’s pajamas were and each found a nightshirt and panties they would wear.

The first girl woke at eight, the others didn’t wake up until nine. All three were excited about going shopping. Jessie knew the first hour for her was window shopping and watching Tami and April shop. The trip had changed for Tami by going to the ballet tonight she too was looking for a very nice dress.

April didn’t need one but she too was bitten by the thought of getting a nice dress. Each of the girls spent the first hour looking and each had tried at least one outfit. Tami had talked Jessie into trying a short, short mini-dress. She didn’t buy it but Tami had taken a picture to show Jessie’s Mom.

April was the first to find her dress I was a bright blue, short dress with lines of sequins going vertically down around the dress and stopping some six to eight inches from the hem. It is quite striking. Jessie takes note as she sees herself like April with dark hair and hopefully a slender body.

Tami was second in finding a fancy dress; it was a black dress with coral peach trim. It was a bit expensive but she agreed to wear it again for a spring formal at their country club.

We met my Mom and we agreed at 11:00 a.m. and Rachel had come with her. Seemingly Rachel and I were looking for dresses that could also be used at Riviera Maya come Easter time. The dress I chose was a pastel yellow with a silver and gray jacket that could be used tonight yet probably would not be needed on vacation. Rachel chose a coral pink halter gown with a white jacket. Mom said they would complement each other, especially for the event on vacation.

I have a pair of heels as does Rachel that will be good for the ballet tonight. Rachel said she needed a pair of heeled sandals for vacation. What she wanted would probably not be in the store for another two weeks.

I went home with my mother and sister. My Mom said there was an alteration or two she might want to make to my dress. She also wanted me to steam out a few creases in the dress. I quickly said I didn’t know how. She giggled back at me, “If you enjoy being Jessie you will learn this and much more.”

The story version of what I shared last night with Mom differed some from what I shared with Rachel. Rachel thought the event of seeing a glimpse of Jennifer changing was funny. She asked, “So was Jennifer correct about your desire as a younger teen right, about being envious and wishing you were older?”

“Only partly, I enjoy being who I am now, but yes part of me also longs for a time of being, what would you say, a more mature high school girl.” Rachel’s expression turns more serious.

“Part of me can easily understand liking to get and wear a pretty dress like you bought and wear it to the ballet tonight. Even wishing to be able to look like Jennifer or me. But it sounds like you are dreaming about the girl you want to be years from now. I guess I was hoping you’d go back to being Jeff.”

Jessie looks to her sister, “Are you going to be upset if it is Jessie I regularly want to be with Jeff being the one inside?” I pause, “I guess you see that as wrong to think like that.”

Rachel scoots closer to me, “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, you seem to be becoming Jessie and a girl more and more. I’ve just been used to Jeff always being around and following in Rob’s footsteps.”

“But I’m not that much like Rob even as Jeff. It has always been you that I wanted to be like. I don’t want to be you. It might sound funny but I’ve always wanted to be more girly than you.”

Rachel smiles and giggles in agreement, “I saw that even when you were a little tyke. I guess it is healthier if your image of being Jessie is uniquely you.” Rachel hugs me, “I know what Tami meant that you even feel like another girl.”

I say, “But someday I want my breasts to be able to feel you when we hug.”

It was fun getting ready and going to dinner and the ballet. It was an hour before they would start getting ready when Jessie remembered back to Rachel getting ready for last year’s prom and times when his Mom went to added efforts to dress up for a special time out. Jessie realized this was a special time for a woman and she wondered if it could be for her. Jessie went down to Rachel’s room. “Sis, I’ve not gotten ready for anything this special as a girl. Does one enjoy it specially?”

Rachel looked to her brother/sister, “To tell you the truth, it is a lot of fun but it also works and causes a girl to get a little anxious, not quite sure you’re going to look as special as you hope. If you would want, we could try to enjoy doing it together.” Jessie’s smile said enough, “Bring down what you’re going to wear and the other girly things you need. I have a vanity that you don’t.”

Jessie said thanks, “I didn’t want to be traipsing back and forth from my room to the bathroom. Robbie’s been teasing me about messing or smelling up our bathroom.”

Rachel said, “Robbie’s felt a little pressure. I think his girlfriend likes the new you. She doesn’t want Rob to be another girl, but last night he came home smelling a bit too much like her.” Rachel went up with Jessie to help bring some of Jessie’s clothes down. She was right in doing so as Jessie was about to handle her dress like a boy. “No Jessie, take your dress by the hanger. You don’t want to have to steam out new wrinkles. You have old habits to break and new ones to get used to.”

Jessie had worked hard to get every crease or wrinkle out of her dress. She was so pleased to have such a beautiful dress and was getting more and more excited about wearing it. Rachel and I talked about how beautiful she would be in it tonight. Rachel said, “You will be so surprised by how different we will look in Riviera Maya being very casual and wearing our dresses without the jackets and being in strapped sandals. Remind me, we need to each tan some before we go there.”

Each had on a nice panty bra set and a longer half-slip when they sat at the vanity. Jessie asked and Rachel agreed to do Jessie’s nails and then her own with ample time to dry. Rachel reminded Jessie about the colors that the cosmetician said were her special colors. It was important in choosing her nail polish, lip gloss, and her eyeshadow. They had enough time so Rachel did Jessie’s toes even though they would not be showing. She told Jessie, “You will know and it will give you a glow that will have others wondering why.”

Jessie had fixed her hair and was doing her makeup. The more Rachel complimented her the better she felt. Yes, she thought she was doing a good job with her makeup. There was, however, something exceptional in getting praise from her sister or her mother. Her Mom had in fact checked on her girls and praised Jessie for her makeup, though she thought Rachel must have done much of it.

Rachel would help to put the finishing touches after the dress and jewelry were on. Jessie was preparing to put on her dress when Rachel stopped her. “Before you finish getting ready, go use the toilet. You don’t want the frustration of fussing with going to the bathroom if you don’t have to.”

While the skirt was not a tight fit, it would take an added effort to deal with it. She was pleased to have her sister’s help in putting her gown on. She enjoyed almost as much helping her sister. Come to see her sister, Jessie once again found a sense of envy about how beautiful Rachel appeared. She knew Rachel’s gown was designed to hold her breasts in the design of the haltered gown and show a bareback. It would likely be lost with the jacket tonight. Then again maybe her sister would find an excuse for taking off the jacket.

Jessie was in front of Rachel’s full-length mirror when she slipped into her three-inch black heels. The young woman who looked back at her in the mirror had a newfound elegance. She whispered to herself, “May moments like this never stop being special to you.”

Rachel was behind her, also looking at Jessie in the mirror, “It hasn’t yet and Mom says the same.”

Jessie waited for Rachel to put on her heels and take her hand purse before they both went to show themselves off. It was after five thirty when they drove to meet the Johnsons at Raphael’s for dinner.

It was the first time Jessie heard the sound of three women walking across a parking lot in heels. It might not sound and be anything special to anyone else but Jessie was delighted, even more, so that she was one of the three.

The Johnsons had arrived just before them and were waiting in the entryway. Tami’s hair was up in a style Jessie had not seen before. As pretty as Tami had always been in Jessie/Jeff’s eyes, she was aglow in an extraordinary way. Jeff would never have noticed her dress as Jessie did. The six of them took a fair amount of time admiring and talking about how one another looked. There was much small talk about getting ready, and tonight Jessie was in no hurry as she took it all to heart, something to be treasured.

Everyone in the past would have been duly worried about Jeff eating and wearing such an eloquent gown. Tonight no one needed to worry, Jessie over the past few weeks had become a lady. She enjoyed the waiter holding her chair and helping her scoot in. Everyone had ordered and then the Moms used the ladies’ room first. Then it was the four teens. Jessie was amused that no one needed to use the toilet. It was all about checking makeup, and hair and being with each other.

They were on their way out of Raphael’s when Mrs. Johnson commented, “Jessie, what have you done?” Everyone paused wondering what the problem was, but there was none. “It appears you have lost another three to five pounds and your waist looks especially good for you young woman.” There was no mirror for her to check, she could only say thanks for now.

Riding to the university’s Performing Arts Center, she asked her Mom, “Is it the dress or do I look like I’ve lost weight and I'm that much better?”

Her Mom says, “The dress does flatter you and shows off how trim, you have become. However, the past few weeks your appearance has changed. You’ve watched what you are eating and you have been using your sister’s workout programs. I would guess it is a combination of lost weight and being in better shape.”

Once in the performing arts center, Jessie tried not to be too obvious, as she was passing large windows she checked her reflection, and gone was the old tummy of a boy.

Watching the ballet Jessie was truly an amateur in understanding what she was watching. However, she enjoyed and took in more than she ever imagined. The graceful movements were expected, but they were more beautiful than she could have imagined. She heard the music and watched the movement of the ballet and saw the harmony of them together. She saw the strength of the dancers. Sometimes subtle changes of lighting or background, and several times the changes were more dramatic. She found herself moved to tears and then joy and smiles. She did not see until later how many times her sister caught pictures of her on her smartphone.

Come, the end of the performance everyone retreated to their house for refreshments and even more for the chance to visit and enjoy the ballet and evening once more. Jessie and Tami went up to her room where Tami felt freer to talk, “O my, Jessie, you are so beautiful tonight and such a woman like me. I hope my Mom didn’t embarrass you, but you not only lost weight but lost any look of being a boy tonight. I am going to be holding my breath to see if you can look like a boy come to school Monday…”

To be continue…

No sooner are we through the door when Robbie comes bouncing up to us, “Mom Grandma Stephens wants Jessie over in the morning to go to church with her. She doesn’t need to wear her new dress to church but Grandma wants to see it after church.”

Mom tells Jessie, “Go on and change out of your dress and hang it up real nice. Rachel can you go with her and make sure she does it right.” Jennifer stays, but Tami sneaks away behind Rachel and Jessie.

Jessie is up in her room changing out of her dress, having handed the jacket to Rachel after Rachel started the zipper down the back of her dress. Jessie steps out of the dress, holds it like a dance partner, and then hangs it up. She steps out of her slip and then begins to pull off her pantyhose. Rachel says, “You better stop there before you show too much to Tami.

Jessie tries to catch herself as she starts to scream, “Tami!” Breath, “What are you doing up here?”

Tami rolls down onto the floor, “Seeing more than I ever intended. I intended to ask if you’re doing anything to lose weight. Wow, I didn’t think you would show me where you lost it.”

Jessie reaches into her closet for the first skirt she can grab and quickly has it halfway up her legs. “Yuck Rachel, it’s one of your old mini-skirts.”

Rachel says, “Hurry and put it on and put this top on.” She turns to Tami, “Do not tell anyone downstairs how far this got.” Jessie’s top is a mismatch of a short mini-skirt and an oversized bulky sweater. Rachel reaches into the closet and hands Jessie a pretty pink blouse. “Hear change tops and put this on.”

Once downstairs, Jessie’s Mom asks, “What was the scream a little while ago?”

Rachel says, “Jessie went too far in taking her clothes off, not realizing that Tami was there.”

Jessie yells at her sister, “I thought you told Tami, we weren’t telling Mom?”

Rachel laughs back, “Yes, I told Tami not to. I didn’t want her to get in trouble, but you and I, we don’t lie to Mom.”

“Next time let me get myself in trouble, I don’t need your help!”

Mom asks, “Could you have found a shorter skirt to wear here?”

Jessie looks down, pulling at the hem. “I grabbed the first thing I could reach after I knew Tami was there.”

Rob couldn’t resist speaking up, “I’m surprised you could grab the one with the least amount of material.”

“Damn Rob, you don’t need to speak up for me either.”

Dad said, “Especially as a young lady you shouldn’t be speaking like that. Now apologize.”

“I apologize to everyone, especially our guests, but right now it has been hard to remember my manners, girl or otherwise.” Jessie plunks herself down on the sofa next to Jennifer. Tami sits next to her on the other side, apologizing to Jessie. “You look like you could be a ballet dancer in your short skirt.”

After the guests leave, Jessie’s Mom follows her up to her bedroom. Jessie says, “I hope I’m not in more trouble. I said I was sorry and I meant it.”

“You’re not in trouble for that please sit down I need to ask some questions.” Jessie sat on her bed and her Mom sat so she could face her. “Jessie, have you been into Rachel’s pills or anything else?”

“No Mom, you told me not to and I did what you said.”

Mom asks, “Are you doing anything else?” Jessie’s head bows, “Nothing bad.” Mom says, “Show me what you’re using.”

Jessie goes to her underwear drawer and pulls out a used bottle of women’s diet pills, handing them to her mother. “I’ve also been eating your breakfast bars, but I think you knew that.”

Her Mom says, “I guess these diet pills work, but they’re for women. I suggest you not take any more until we can talk with Dr. Beth. Is there anything else you haven’t told me about?”

“No Mom, I’m not trying to keep any secrets. Since the diet pills aren’t prescription and sold at GNC I assumed they’re okay.”

“Did Jessie or Jeff buy them,” her Mom asked.

Jessie responded openly, “I did, I’m Jeff also.”

“If you did it as Jeff they might have cautioned you.” We talked a short while longer, “You should take a good shower and get to bed. Do you want me to stay with you at Grandma Stephen’s when I take you?”

Jessie, “Rachel said she’d go if she could get herself out of bed on time. I guess it would be nice if you or everyone could go.”

Mom was back up after I took my shower and was ready for bed, “Mom, why did you come back up?”

She said, “I want you to know I'll come up just because I love you. I also wanted a chance to tuck you in if you're ready for bed.” Jessie hugged her and quickly got into bed. There her mother tucked her in, and it appeared she said a little prayer before kissing her.

Morning came early, not as early as a school day, but early just the same. Mom appeared partly dressed in a robe. She already had my new dress wrapped in plastic on its hanger. The new red skirt was out along with the print top. Jessie joked, “Do you want to select my panties and bra as well?”

Mom giggled, “You have your mind, and you can choose something else if it is as nice.” It is what Jessie was planning to wear. She is soon downstairs and talking across the kitchen. “Mom, I want to wear my new stockings but I don’t know how to hold them in place?”

Mom smiles as she walks over to me and talks in a softer voice. “I think your stockings are the new thigh-high or stay-up stockings. They should be capable of staying up on their own. That is if you are careful not to stretch them too much. Do they have pretty lacework at the top?”

“Yeah, that’s one of the reasons I’m wearing them though no one will see the lace,” Jessie says as she shyly looks up. She is still embarrassed as Jeff by some of the things she talks about. She ate a small bowl of yogurt, blueberries, and a little cereal. She did not want her tummy growling during the worship service.

She enjoyed putting on the white pair of her new stockings. She lifted her skirt so she could see her legs in the mirror. Rachel had come up to check on her and remarked, “You’re becoming a little fashion diva.”

“I am not. If you got to be my age and this was the first time you got to wear stockings, you’d be excited too.”

“Relax little sis, I meant it as a compliment. I think you are very good at selecting pretty clothes and particularly what looks good on you. Not every girl is so blessed. If you want to come down to my room to do your makeup, I would enjoy your company.”

There was not much to do in getting ready for church. The makeup was light, and even the mist of perfume was very light. Jessie has a strange confession. “I still have trouble feeling comfortable without an undershirt.” Rachel giggles lightly, “And I suspect Jeff will soon be missing wearing nice panties or feeling a bra strap on his shoulder.”

Jessie was amused, that it was her mother, sister, and herself going to Grandma’s. “Why is it so much trouble for Robbie and Dad to get up and go to church? They don’t have to do as much as we do.”

Her Mom said, “Just over a month ago, you would still be sleeping.”

“I would have complained, but I always do what Grandma wants. I’m just surprised she wanted me to go to church dressed as a girl.” Rachel says, “I think she believes you’re becoming her granddaughter.”

Grandma greets us as we come up to her porch. Mom asks, “What is so special that you wanted Jessie to go to church with you?”

“Darby Jacobs called me earlier in the week, hoping I could get Jessie to come to church. She says, "It’s a youth Sunday and they’re leading this service. They want other young people to be there to hear them. Jessie should bring her dress in to show me later as we should be getting to church.”

We were walking into the church when Darby came running up to me. “Jessie, we are acting out the Scripture reading of John 9, we want you to be one of the crowd. Would you please?” She was already pulling me down the side aisle to the front of the church.

I was surprised that the crowd and Pharisees instead of being amazed that a blind man was healed, were upset and doubting. Even after I helped with the reading, a high school member asked me from the pulpit, “What did you think of the crowd Jessie?”

“You don’t want to hear what I’m thinking.” The person insisted, “But I do?”

“I thought it was rude that they weren’t accepting of him, especially the Pharisees! I thought they were like church people.”

The high school person said, “We were hoping you’d be like your Grandma and say what you’re thinking. Even if you thought we didn’t want to hear it.” I was surprised.

He went on to say, “It is easy for people to get bogged down in rules and laws and squeeze the love of God out of the equation.” He turns back to ask, “Jessie, can you think how that might fit with the church today?”

Jessie says, “You’re asking the wrong person, I’m not much of a church person. I usually only come with my Grandma. …It seems churches talk a lot about love, forgiveness, and acceptance, but your actions don’t always match your words. I think there are a lot of different people you would have trouble accepting. I’m surprised that you’re even asking a person like me.”

The music was lively and I guess the thoughts running through the service were about the love of God. I had mixed feelings when people complimented me for being part of the service.

I did like that Darby remembered me. I was surprised I had feelings stirring inside of me when Matt came to talk with me.

Grandma said from behind, “Did you know that Darby dances ballet? You should tell her about your going to the ballet last night.”

Darby becomes excited, “Were you at the ballet at the University last night? I don’t dance enough to be good. I like jazz and modern dance more.”

Jessie is excited, “It was my first time going to a ballet. We went out for dinner, I bought a special dress just to attend the ballet.”

Darby asks if Jessie has pictures, so she shows several that Tami and her sister sent to her phone. Jessie asks about Darby. Darby is distracted and looks at Jessie again. “You’re friends with Tami Johnson? She was in our dance group until she moved three years ago.”

Soon Jessie is back at Grandma’s and Grandma insists Jessie model her new dress before they go out for dinner. Grandma remarks to Rachel about her new gown, “I am going to miss you, young lady when you wear that on your trip. You are growing in so many ways and it will be soon that I lose you to college.”

Rachel says, “It is too bad that the wedding is Dad’s niece Grandma. I would like you to be there with us. But it looks like you have another granddaughter to spoil as you watch her grow up.”

Grandma says, “So you too think she’s here to stay?”

Rachel says, “Somehow Jeff is going to school tomorrow. I kind of want Jeff back, but then I think he’ll do good to graduate from eighth grade.”

Jessie comes out to show off herself wearing the new dress but can tell something has happened. Jessie looks every bit like the young lady, and there are no signs of Jeff. Mom comments that Jessie is wearing stockings. Jessie comments, “Mom is telling you now since I can’t lift my dress all the way to show them off.”

Grandma says, “She is raising a young lady, not a little girl.”

That night and the next morning were an anxious time, as Jeff worked to make sure there were no signs of Jessie come school time. It did not stop him from having dreams, a thousand thoughts racing through his mind as he drifted off to restless sleep. Jeff had a strong desire for people to see him. He was thankful to have his guy earrings.

Different than he thought, the boy's underwear was not such a pleasant thing to wear again, but it was part of him. He softened a bit when he sat with Tami and April for lunch. Tami commented that she was impressed to see Jeff, “But I miss seeing…”

Jeff asked, “Are you still friends with Darby Jacobs?” The expression changed on Tami’s face. Jeff had to ask, “Does she know about me?” Even April’s expression said something was known. "Can we talk after school?”

Tami whispered, “She didn’t know it was you. I had not thought that she’d know you.”

The rest of the school day was in a fog. Jeff was excited that it would be him who walked with Tami to her house; he was anxious certain that Darby now knew Jessie was a boy. Jeff said, “I didn’t realize when I showed Darby a picture of you in your new dress with you that you knew each other.”

Tami said, “She saw the same picture from me but she didn’t say anything about knowing you.”

Jeff asked, “Does she know Jessie is a boy?”

“She knew you bought that dress yesterday and then I sent this picture when I got back home.”

Jeff says, “But that would mean she knew about me before church yesterday when I showed her the picture?”

Tami said, “She couldn’t believe you were already her friend and how comfortable she was with you. I didn’t understand what she meant but she said, ‘It made the service that much more important.’ She was sorry she became quiet, but she wasn’t sure what to say. She thought you might be uncomfortable with her knowing. She still wants to be friends if you’re open to it.”

Tami continued, “I hope you don’t mind, but I told her you still think of yourself like a guy.”

Jeff asked, “Do you have trouble seeing me as a guy?”

“You are more like the regular Jeff I know. I didn’t know if you were trying to prove to me or yourself that you’re a guy,” Tami said. Tami asks, “Did you know I thought Jeff was already sweet and I don’t mean gay? I’m sweet on you.”

Jennifer comes down from her room, “Did you tell him the problem Darby has with Jessie?”

Jeff says, “Yes!” Tami says, “No.” Jeff quickly says, “You just did.”

Tami says, “That’s not the problem.” Tami is waving for her sister to speak.

Jennifer giggles as she’s talking, “Her brother Matt is taken with you. I mean Jessie, he told his sister he wants to date you.” Jeff is relieved for the first time that he cannot date until he’s fifteen years old. Though there is a tinge he feels inside. ‘Is it Jessie that Matt wanted to date her?’

It was Tuesday evening when Mrs. Preston approached Jeff about being quite quiet the past two days. “Jeff, are you excited about seeing Dr. Hunt tomorrow as Jessie? You’ve done quite well Jeff, but you have been unusually quiet.”

He says, “I am very pleased that those who thought otherwise, saw that I am still Jeff.”

His Mom asks, “Were you trying to prove a point?”

Jeff says, “Except for the underwear I’ve been very comfortable as Jeff. Did I tell you that Tami even told me she’s attracted to me? Though she encouraged me to put on some lipstick as we studied today.”

“Are you comfortable with me bringing you home early from school and changing so you can visit Dr. Hunt as Jessie,” his Mom inquired. He pointed to two outfits hanging at the front of his closet. “I like the blue dress and sweater, better. The brown skirt and sweater are a bit more conservative, do you think I should wear it instead?”

Mom asks, “What would Jessie like the most? If you’re going to ask anyone maybe it should be Rachel.”

Jeff says, “Rachel and Jessie both agree that Jessie is more girly.” He changes the subject, “Mom did you know I forgot to clean off the nail polish from my toes? I had gym class but was lucky no one noticed my toes.”

Mom said, “Is that what smelled when you came home Monday?”

“I didn’t stink Mom, Tami would have said something?"

She said, “Tami couldn’t ask you to take a shower there. From what you said, she was a bit preoccupied explaining about Jessie and Darby.”

“Tomorrow, Mom you might need to help me with my makeup and hair. I don’t want to be late getting to our appointment. Yet I want to look nice as Jessie.”

Mom says, “You told me that there is a county LGBT group, but you haven’t said if you’d ever want to go to a meeting?”

“I thought about it and it meets tomorrow night. I kind of want to go and dress as Jessie might be a good time. But that would make for a long day. I think I need to wait until after I meet with Dr. Hunt if I decide to go. If Dr. Hunt has a group, I’d be more open going to it.”

After their mother went downstairs, Robbie knocked on the door and came into Jeff’s room. “Why did you knock brother, you know you can always come in,” Jeff said.

Robbie said, “That might be true with Jeff. I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”

It was like Robbie and me just to sit and not say much. He asked me, “Kendra’s birthday is coming up and I was wondering if you had any ideas for a birthday present.” Jeff smiled, knowing it was Jessie who was to have the answer.

“If you take her out, you should get her a simple but nice necklace or bracelet.”

It was at lunch that Tami whispered in my ear, “How are you doing Jessie?”

Jeff asks quietly, “How did you know?”

She slips a note, “Jeff’s sensitive, but there’s a softness to Jessie. I sensed you’re present even though Jeff is showing.” Jeff wished today he could go to Tami’s.

It was two-thirty when his mother picked him up from school, it would give Jeff time to transform into Jessie completely if so wished. When they got home, his Mom helped him learn to put on his breast forms himself. “You should have the capability of doing things for yourself as Jessie.” It took added time and effort which they had because Mom got him early from school. Jessie made sure the seams of the forms were nicely hidden.

Jessie brushed out her hair and used some hair clips to transform her hair into a more feminine look. The makeup was light yet dramatically added to the change of appearance. Because she had worked on her fingernails this morning she could quickly do them as well. She loved the deep bright red she had chosen. Her mother said, “It looks like you have learned a lot watching your sister.” Jessie was impressed, very delighted with how she looked as they headed to Dr. Beth’s.

“Mom, why are we going so soon, do we need to fill out more forms when we get there?”

Mom said, “I thought we could enjoy a stop at the botanical center. You’ve enjoyed it before and we haven’t been there this time of the year.” With the end of winter and spring flowers taking their time showing, it was a welcomed sight of luscious green leaves and colorful flowers. Several of the trees had blossomed and the scent was different as we walked around. We even enjoyed sitting and a little refreshment. When it came time to leave, Mom commented, “This has been a most enjoyable and relaxing time with you.”

“Mom, do you think it was because I see myself as Jessie?”

She said, “I don’t want to read too much into it. Usually, like Jeff, you are either active in moving around observing or you tend to become restless.”

Once we arrived and Dr. Beth Hunt’s office, I informed the receptionist we were there and then used the women’s room to check my appearance. I freshened my lipstick and added a little color to my eyes.

I was not happy that a nurse took me back to take a blood sample before going to Dr. Hunt’s office. Dr. Hunt greeted me, “It is nice to see you, Jessie.”

Besides me saying thank you, she waited and then asked, “Has anything happened since our last visit?”

“Well, I think I showed them I’m still Jeff. I had a neat time as Jessie over my friend Tami’s and we even went out to eat and to the ballet.” Jessie smiles, “I got to dress up and enjoy myself so much that others thought I’d have trouble being Jeff come to school on Monday. Well, I’ve been me (Jeff) for the past three days at school. I even found out that Tami is attracted to me as Jeff.”

Dr. Hunt asks, “When you say you went to school like me, you meant as Jeff right? Right now you appear as Jessie.”

The time went quickly, I got to show Dr. Hunt a picture of me dressed up at the ballet. Near the end of our visit, she said, “You seem to enjoy yourself very much as Jessie. But found it important to confirm you are Jeff, am I understanding that correctly?”

Jessie smiled, “I think most people think I need to be one or the other, but I see them as two sides to the same coin. That might not be how other coins and people are but it is how I see myself.”

Dr. Hunt called my mother in for the remainder of the visit. Mom asks, “Dr. Hunt has she talked to you about her weight loss and what she has been using?”

“No,” she said, “but she did show me her picture from attending the ballet and I noticed it then.” She turns to me, “I think your exercising, dieting, and the light medication I’ve given you have combined for a remarkable transformation. I see two issues here for you to consider. One, if you’re seeing yourself as Jeff, you need to limit the use of things over the counter for women. In itself, I don’t think, it is strong enough to effect a change. I will check the research about the product you’ve been using. What we are doing shouldn’t affect any lasting changes for now, but I do have us monitoring your blood to look for any changes. Please note and share what you are doing and do not leave it to your mother to bring up.”

“You are less than two weeks from you going to Riviera Maya as Jessie. How do you feel about going there as Jessie,” she asks.

I say, “Well Jeff was going to be staying home like Rob. I’m a little bit anxious but as Mom says it is a chance for me to live as Jessie. She and Rachel both said I need to know that there’s a lot of work and responsibility to be a girl and not just the pretty dresses and fluff. I guess I am just thankful and excited about the opportunity to go.”

We talked about me attending a support group or making contacts with LGBT groups. We decided I’d continue my counseling longer before considering a support group. The information to be obtained from LGBT centers or research could be beneficial. She did ask that I make an appointment with a medical doctor who would also be watching my health and know what I am dealing with. We decided on Dr. Kim Stoults, my sister’s doctor. They called from Dr. Hunt's office and I had an appointment the following Monday.

We stopped and ate at a nice deli; I had half a sandwich and salad. Mom needed to find another outfit or two for our trip. Suzie Hammonds in seeing Mom had no trouble recognizing me as she came over to help. Mom said, “Suzie was going down to the Yucatan in less than two weeks. I’m looking for a couple of outfits for me which should be no trouble for me. Since you’re here I was wondering if you could help Jessie select something.”

Suzie said, “I’d be more than happy too, does she need a light dress, a skirt ensemble, or should we be looking for something in the way of shorts and tops?”

Mom says, “Something with a skirt and cute shorts and a top would be nice. She’s also going to want some type of hat to wear.” Mom hands me a charge card.

Suzie asks as she takes me over to look at some clothes, “Will this be your first time going away, Jessie?”

I tell her “There is a family outing on my dad’s side and my parents are treating it as a graduation present for Rachel. They decided not to leave me behind like Rob.”

Suzie shows me some skater skirts. I like how they look, but I am reluctant because of how short they are. She suggests, “If a tan will be important to you, a girl would want as much of her legs as possible having the same tan.” There were two of the skirts I liked a lot and had trouble choosing between them. Suzie suggested I put them aside and come back to them.

We were walking over to the shorts when we walked past swimwear. Suzie asked, “Do you have some nice swimsuits for your time down there?” I am sure she saw my shock set in. “That’s why I asked, you will want to swim or at least lounge in a swimsuit. We have some with skirts or boy shorts with them that would be helpful for you.” I looked but wouldn’t entertain seriously the idea of getting one.

We did find several shorts I liked and decided to buy a nice pair of shorts with a complimenting top that went with it. We were back to the skirts and I found a nice blouse that Suzie agreed would look spectacular with either skirt. I took the coral skirt and top to try on. It even had a pretty matching panty to wear underneath it.

I had to take off my pantyhose to try it properly. I took several deep breaths before I worked up the courage to step out of the changing room to show Suzie. Suzie was working near the changing room when I came out and complimented me on how I looked. “My brother would kill to look as nice as you and he’s been working at his appearance as Bree for two years.”

I tried to picture him and said, “I like the name Bree and I can even picture the name fitting his image as a girl. Does she see herself as a trans-girl or as a cross-dresser?”

Suzie says, “I wish I had my purse, I would show you. He has backtracked and is trying to see himself as a cross-dresser with the hope to be comfortable being a boy full time.” I could see the frustration on Suzie’s face.

“While I haven’t experienced the harassment he has felt, I think he will be frustrating himself if Bree is part of him.” Suzie squeezes me with a hug and quickly backs away apologizing. “I am sorry for hugging you we’re not supposed to do that with customers. As you can see, I care so much about him and I agree strongly with what you are saying. I was wondering if you would be willing to talk to him sometime.”

Jessie smiles, “If I called to your place and asked for Bree, would that freaked people out?”

Suzie giggled, “No, but it would probably make Bree, even our Mom, so very happy.”

I looked at the full-length mirror one more time when my Mom spoke from behind me. “That is what I hoped you would consider, but I was afraid to recommend it.” Mom says, “I hope you have accomplished more than just getting that top and skirt.”

“She had to come back and choose between that and a pretty yellow and blue skirt,” said Suzie.

Mom turned to me, “Why did you need to choose between them? You will probably be able to use them both.”

I said, “But Mom I’ve chosen a pair of shorts and a top as well. Suzie even tried to convince me I needed to select a swimsuit.”

Mom asked, “Did you find a swimsuit or two that would look nice on you? You know time is getting short. I’d rather get what you will need now, instead of getting on the trip wishing you had what you needed.”

Suzie asks, “Should she try this on and show you what the other skirt would look like?”

Mom asks, “Does she have another top to change into while she is changing?”

“Mom, I can wear this top with it as well.”

“You probably could if we wash it in between, but I’m not planning on doing laundry while we’re there. Select another top and take it with you to the dressing room.” I showed Mom a skirt like the one I had in the changing room and we found two tops that would look pretty with it. One has spaghetti straps instead of sleeves. I tried to reject it, but Mom said out loud. “I want you to try that one on please do so. You know it will look very pretty and that you can wear it. You can go without your bra with this one.”

It was a simple white laced top with embroidery work. Once I had on the skirt and top, I called my Mom to the changing room. “Mom, it fits but I’m not comfortable stepping out to model it for you.”

Mom remarks, “There will be more people there looking at you including boys. Come out and model it for me, now please.” I came out and went to the big mirror and it was now obvious to Suzie that I was also sporting breast forms.

Mom asked Suzie, “Could you get us two of the swimsuits that she might try on?” The one-piece swimsuit with the skirt around it was yellow and the tiered top and a boy-shorts bottom were a bright off-pink. Seemingly I had to try both swimsuits to choose which one we would buy.

“You are a very lucky young lady to find two suits that you can take with you.” I had no idea Mom was planning to purchase all that we agreed looked well on me. That ended up being two swimsuits, two skirts, the shorts, and five tops. Mom had selected five panties of various styles to get for me as well.

We were on our way home before Mom began describing the three outfits she had bought for herself, along with two pairs of sandals. I thought we were helping to close the store at 9:00 p.m., but I noticed on the way home it was after ten.

I was afraid when we got home that Rachel would be upset with me getting so many clothes, But she said, “Mom, how did you talk her into getting all these outfits and the swimsuits? I thought she would have protested too much.”

“She did, I guess, but Suzie helped convince her what was realistic. Once she tried on the spaghetti strap blouse the swimsuits were easier.” Mom was correct in everything she said, though I doubt she realized how thrilled I was.

Mom wanted to show Dad what she purchased for herself, but he only lasted through one outfit. It was after 11:00 when Mom quit showing Rachel and me. I was upstairs cutting off price tags and taking off all the extra stuff stuck on the clothes by the manufacturers and store. Rachel did not make me model everything, but she was excited and wanted to hear what I had to say. “You know Mom said you were a giggly girl in trying on your clothes. She thought you were especially excited about getting one swimsuit let alone two.”

“I thought I was able to hide my excitement, how did she know?”

Rachel took my hands, “I am happy for you Sis. Hey, Saturday I thought we would work on our tans together. Don’t plan on anything until after 4:00.” Rachel was about ready to leave the room when she stopped. “Mom asked if I could help you in taking your breast forms off. She told me you put them on all by yourself. I am impressed.” I can say, it isn’t embarrassing having a sister take off one’s breast forms but I am more and more thankful to have Rachel as my sister.

Thursday and Friday, Jeff was popular at school. Tami was excited that we would get to be together after school on Thursday but disappointed that Max had already asked me over after school on Friday. I did promise to ask if I could be home by six so she, April, and I could go to the movies.

I texted Mom after school and while I was at Tami’s, she called and I had permission to go to the movies Friday night. April and Tami were upset I didn’t have pictures of my new clothes. I did not have the nerve to tell them I had bought two swimsuits. I am not sure but they might be thinking, I am going to be Jeff much if not all of the time I’m gone.

Thursday night I called the Hammonds and asked to talk to Bree. I had to introduce myself and help remind her/him who I was. He said, “Suzie says you make a very pretty girl. I would like to get to talk to you in person, but my sister says I might get jealous if I see you, Jessie.”

I gave Bree my email address and she sent me two pictures of herself. It made me think, Bree has two email accounts of her own. Bree makes a pretty girl. She says, “I wish I had started to use a hormone blocker before I did. My doctor says, my hormone therapy will continue to affect my transformation.”

It was very good to talk with Bree/John Hammonds on the phone. Along with talking to a person with many of the same thoughts and feelings as myself. I felt like I was helpful to him. Mostly listened, but he said it would be good having me as a friend.

Friday after school I went over to Max’s house where he asked, “Would you mind wearing this wrap-around skirt so we could dance together?” I felt a little put upon as he handed me the skirt as he asked. I had taken the skirt before I had decided to wear it. I had looked up to Max and thought it might be nice.

“You have to promise me, you won’t force me to…” I felt embarrassed to say more. I went to the adjoining bathroom and changed into the skirt and out of my shoes. I guess Max had thought I would just wrap the skirt around me.

The songs are slow and Max was in his socks as we began to dance. I had not followed a boy’s lead before. I was a bit uptight during the first dance. I relaxed as the dance went on and I was comforted by his warm smile and his one hand on my waist. It was the second dance that I leaned against him and we began to talk casually. We went out to the kitchen to get something to drink.

I forgot I was wearing the skirt as we surprised Mrs. Coulter. She asked, “And what do the two of you think you’re doing?”

I started to say, “We came out to get something to…” and her eyes went from my eyes down to the skirt, “Drink.”

Max answered, “Mother, I asked Jeff to put on the wrap-around skirt so we could dance. He went into the bathroom to put it on. When he came out he had it on in place of his pants instead of just wrapping it around him.”

She asked, “Is that correct Jeff?” I know I was turning red when I said, “Yes Mrs. Coulter, I didn’t intend to do anything bad.”

Her tone changed, “I don’t think that was the intention of either of you. And I guess what you did was kind of innocent, just make sure you know what you’re doing the next time.” We got our drinks and were back to Max’s room. He asked and we had one more dance before I changed back. I looked up at Max’s eyes several times as we danced, but the last time we kissed the dance ended.

I changed back into my pants and after a short talk, Mrs. Coulter gave me a ride home.

Mom had a message for me from Tami, “Tami called and said she hoped Jessie would be coming to the movies. She said, "Mrs. Johnson would give the three of you a ride and be picking you up after the movies. I told her I thought you’d be a little nervous but would probably do so unless Jeff called and said otherwise.”

Jeff quickly took a shower and transformed himself into Jessie quickly to be ready before 7:00 p.m. Since it would be just the three of them, Jessie wore a mini-dress she had gotten from Rachel’s old wardrobe. She wanted to see how sequins reflected the light during the movies.

It wasn’t until they got out of the car at the theater that Tami told her, “We’re meeting Johnny Druthers and two of his friends from the next community over. We can’t even tell our parents or else they’d call it dating.”

Jessie asked, “And what would you call it if anyone found out?”

April giggled, “It would be the first time we got found out. We would just say we met the boys after we got there and they asked us to sit with them.”

I said, “I can’t, this is much too crazy. I thought we were just going to have a good time as friends. I for one don’t want to be watching Tami date another boy and I don’t want to be dating a boy with you two watching me.” April begins to laugh, “You didn’t say you would have trouble dating a boy.”

Johnny was walking over to us and one of his friends was Matt Jacobs, Darby’s brother. Tami casually says, “We might not be able to do this we’re having second thoughts.” I was glad at this point that she was not putting it all on me.

Matt spoke up, “If it’s about going to the movies or dating, I could just bow out and remain out here and walk around if that would be of help.”

I asked, “Matt could I talk with you alone for a minute?” Johnny was surprised that we knew each other, but happy the date might still be possible. We walked away from everyone and then I asked, “Do you know about me?”

Matt said, “I think so though I don’t see how it is possibly true.”

I said, “Then how can you be here and willing to be with me?”

He said, “I wouldn’t want you getting in trouble with someone who didn’t know. The crazy thing is I was attracted to you and I guess I still wouldn’t mind going to the movie with you. We picked out the movie called ‘The Lover’ it is kind of an action romance movie. Some popcorn and cola shouldn’t hurt.”

Jessie says, “I told them I thought it was crazy and still do, but I guess if we’re sharing popcorn and a cola I could manage.” Matt reaches for my hand and we walk back together. Each guy bought one of our tickets and I split the cost for the popcorn and cola. I guess Matt took me literally when I said I’d split the cola with him. We shared a medium diet cola and a large popcorn.

I was now more uncomfortable with my selection of the mini-dress. When I held the popcorn in my lap the popcorn container reached over the hem of my dress. I was glad I sat next to Tami as well as Matt. Matt was good at making small talk, remarking how I look good tonight. I found out that Matt likes baseball, he plays both third base and the outfield. They guys had ridden in this car to the movies. The car he drove tonight was an older 2005 Mustang, but that I was his.

It was awkward sharing the armrest as Tami's hand took over the one we were sharing. Finally, I allowed him to hold my hand and weave our arms together. I don’t remember if it was when I felt cold or surprised by the movie, either way, I found Matt’s arm around me, and I was leaning into him.

I did notice and enjoyed how the sequins on my dress caught the changing light of the movie. I got bored during the movie and Matt had become restless before I did. We began to talk a little and I asked, “Does Darby know you’re going to see me tonight?”

He said, “No, I wasn’t sure and I’m still not sure you aren’t all girl.”

“And how am I supposed to prove to you I’m a boy?”

Matt smiles, “If I were to kiss you, I’d know.” I said, “You want to kiss a boy?”

He held up my chin in his left hand, “No.” He leaned over and kissed me on the lips and as he began to pull back I relaxed and he kissed me again only this time longer. We both enjoyed the kisses. He finally pulled back and I asked in a whisper, “So?”

He said, “There is only a girl in your kiss.” Without thinking I first said, “Thanks. …No, you’re wrong. It just feels like a girl because I’m a girl inside.” I wasn’t sure if Matt honestly thought he kissed a girl, or that he didn’t mind kissing boys. All I knew was that things just got a little more complicated for me.

Going out after the movie, Tami forces me into the women’s restroom to check and freshen my makeup. She too had to redo her lipstick and take care of smudges in her makeup…

To be continued…

Things started with Jeff ready to turn 13 years old, dressing in his sister’s clothes and makeup; he hadn’t expect to get caught… The discovery of him cross-dressing begins the blossoming of Jessie... Jeff had trouble accepting Jessie was really him, others have trouble accepting Jeff and Jessie co-exist… Mom and Dr. Hunt support Jessie/Jeff in taking time to discover what is true in this situation.

Friday at school, we are reminded that we’re having a crossover day. It is a big deal at our school because it is only the second time at the middle school. The high school has two crossover days. The one in the spring is part of a larger Diversity Week which includes topics like race, ethnicity, abilities and limitations, gender and social status.

Rachel is doing a report on our great-grandparents who had come from England and Canada. They and Grandma Stephens were just becoming citizens when the great depression hit in the 1930s. Since they did not have an extended family to help them through the Depression, they united with other families like Mr. and Mrs. Hernandez, the Martinis, Mums, Magers and the Jankowskis. Mom told her the Martinis changed their names to the Martins and the Mager family with German ancestry became the Majors. The Jankowski family saw it the other way; keeping their Polish surname was an act of embracing their heritage despite some ramifications that came with it. While there were Polish and German-dominated neighborhoods they did not stand out like a neighborhood that was predominately black.

While it did not become a topic in larger family discussions, there seems to Rachel and me that Mom’s family overall are more accepting of differences. With her brother, Uncle Billy is a huge exception.

Saturday morning Rachel and I go to her girlfriend Tiffany’s home; they have a sunroom we use for tanning. I wore warmer clothes to and from there. Tiffany’s sister Susan has a pair of ragged cut-off shorts I’m to squeeze into and use for tanning. We tan from ten to eleven thirty and again one thirty to three. The time in between is spent talking and reading magazines: People, fashion and hairdos. My hair is pinned up.

Sunday morning we’re up early and drove for three hours to see Dad’s parents, Grandmother and Grandfather Preston, along with Aunt Ellen and Uncle Rich Mason. Their daughter Molly, soon to be bride wants to see Rachel and now Jessie as well. I am Jeff as we arrive.

Molly’s a sophomore at Yale and has communicated that she wants to meet me, along with Rachel whom she needs to see. Granddad Preston is open in telling my Dad that he and Mike, Jr., Dad’s brother are not happy in hearing about Jessie and don't want her coming to the wedding. Grandmother Preston, Aunt Ellen, Uncle Rich, and Molly are adamant that those differing with their wishes, acceptance, and comfort with Jessie being there need to be quiet and respectful at the minimum. Grandmother says Mom ’s brother Uncle Billy’s oldest daughter has had the strength to go her own way. She isn’t saying nor Mom what that is.

Rachel says, “I have an idea of what they’re talking about, but if Sierra is there we won’t have to guess. I’m sure she will tell us if it isn't obvious.” Uncle Billy’s wife is Dad’s cousin so they’re likely to be at the wedding as well.

Grandmother Rose, Aunt Ellen, Molly and younger sister Erica all insist on seeing Jessie. Rachel’s the only one who’s to help Jeff change into Jessie's clothes. That lasts until my skirt and bra are on. When Rachel calls down the hall, Molly and Erica are soon into the room. They don’t help other than Erica insists I wear a cami and blouse of hers.

Those who care to see me as Jessie, are taken with how girl-like I am

I later find I get to wear them home and keep them, Erica insists. Granddad’s grumbling when he sees me is the closest thing I’ll ever get to a compliment from him. He says, “Sick, you look like a very pretty girl.” I’m brazen enough to say thank you as Grandmother says, “Shush!” I’m not sure if Nonna Rose (Nonna - means grandmother in Italian) meant Granddad or both of us, but neither one of us asks.”

Nonna made her spaghetti and meatballs for Sunday dinner. Spaghetti at Nonna’s is always special. I think her meatballs are cooked and savored in her spaghetti sauce since early morning. Started before she went to church. She wraps an apron around me and has me helping with the last part of the meal.

Grandmother shows me how she drains the spaghetti noodles and sprays a light coating of olive oil to keep them from sticking. I ladle the sauce into two bowls and the meatballs into one large bowl. She has two pies that are warm out of the oven. She shows me how to mark one for six pieces and the second pie for eight slightly smaller pieces. She giggles at me when I say, “I’m not sure I will have enough room for even a small piece of the pie.

Erica grated the Romano cheese. I ask, “How come there’s so much aroma to the dinner today?”

Erica asks, “Did you notice my perfume before?”

I smiled, “Yes, Ice Blue but you were wearing it lightly.”

She says, “Jeff wouldn’t have noticed it at all. All Jeff could have told you coming through the door was Nonna is serving spaghetti and he’s hungry. I bet you could smell the noodles cooking, the sauce, bread, and Romano cheese.”

I cheerfully chime in, “You forgot the pie and cinnamon sugar on one pie. Point being, you think I’m noticing it as a girl?”

All the leaves are in Nonna’s huge dining room table. Molly is sitting next to Nonna Rose and I get to sit next to Molly. Mom says I would have sat next to Grandfather if Nonna trusted him to be on good behavior.

Nonna Rose invites the women into her room where she gives Molly a woman’s lace doily that she can carry with her flowers as a woman’s dainty handkerchief. I find out it is a tradition that she makes one for each of her daughters and granddaughters as they get married.

I’m not only proud of Nonna Rose, but Molly’s appreciation of her heritage and simple things like what her grandmother made for her, and a locket from grandma’s Grandmother. Nonna believes that it had come from Italy from an older ancestor.

Riding home, Rachel and I share a pillow as we sleep much of the way home. Just before we get home Rob pokes me in the side and then yells snake, to see if I would scream like a girl. Which I do. Dad’s very angry at Rob for causing a scare in the car. I found it interesting that I scream like a girl. Yes, Jeff might have screamed too.

My appointment with Dr. Kim Stoults is somewhat of a surprise. I did not know she was a women’s doctor, GYN. Fortunately, I’ve gone the added effort to show myself as Jessie. I met a girl named Trisha, who asks me how rough the first time I menstruated was. Then she begins her story of her first experience. I’m relieved when they call her in for her appointment.

When Nurse Evans takes me back to an exam room, she gives me an exam robe. I feel the need to ask, “Does Dr. Stoults know I’m not really a girl?” She smiles and confirms, “She does, and she sees you as a special patient.

I am sitting on the edge of the exam table when Dr. Kim Stoults comes in to examine me. Somehow I feel extra nervous because she’s a younger doctor, younger than my mother. “Do you mind if I call you Jessie or would you prefer I call you Jeff however you are dressed?”

“Please call me Jessie. I’m pleased that you are sensitive to me being Jeff.” We talk as she examines me.

She asks me, “Dr. Hunt has asked me to medically look at you in regards to your general health, the taking of a testosterone blocker and the taking some of the female hormones.” She takes off my breast forms and examines me thoroughly. “Your nipple areas are a little puffy and sees responsive to touch. Can you tell if this area has become more or less sensitive recently?”

I say, “I can’t say, because I wasn’t thinking about it before. But I wouldn’t mind if they are.”

She asks, “Why wouldn’t you mind? Are you comfortable with being Jess?”

I smile, “Jeff and I are the same person, but he’s the one who has always been visible to everyone. If it were my choice I think Jessie best represents me. If my body could reflect me more I would love having the breasts like me, a girl.”

Dr. Stoults says, “But if Jessie develops real breasts they will always be part of who you are. Is that what you want? Having breast forms allows you to appear both ways.”

Jessie says, “Something is going to happen one way or the other with adolescence. Either, my boyhood is going to change me and I become more like Rob, my brother. I don’t want to wait and become a man. I don’t want to be my Mom or Rachel, I want to become me. Does that make any sense?”

Dr. Stoults says, “Yes, it does, I understand what you are saying. It makes sense, but I want to make sure neither your Mom nor your sister is pushing you to become a girl too quickly.”

Jessie giggles, “They have been supportive but they’d rather I slow down, maybe not even become a girl. I think my Mom is in denial about how long I’ve been me. Rachel’s the one who first called me ‘Jessie’. She knows I wanted to be a girl and her little sister the longest. My Dad stopped me when I was growing up from playing with her things.”

Dr. Stoults turns to my mother, “I am glad to hear, you have not been pushing Jessie. Did either you or your other daughter have any idea that Jessie had been getting into your clothing before this?”

Mom tells Dr. Stoults, “I thought for over five years that Rachel had been getting into my clothes. Then about four years ago Rachel and I caught Robby in Rachel’s clothes. That was the first time I dressed one of my boys intentionally in a girl’s outfit. He soon got back to being himself, there were some incidents once in a great while after that. When I became certain it wasn’t Rob, I assumed it was Rachel though she denied it and I couldn’t prove it.”

“Rachel told me several times the past five weeks that she knew Jeff had gotten into her clothes but she hadn’t told me. It was just recently she actually caught him. She says he has always been interested in her girl stuff like dolls, makeup and blouses or skirts.”

“There were times clothes put out for Goodwill or the Salvation Army were disturbed.”

Jessie’s ready to break down crying when she’s accused. Finally, she cries, “Those time weren’t always me. I’m afraid to admit what I’ve done. It may have been wrong but it was a rare chance of wearing clothes that I like. Am I going to be punished for it?”

Dr. Stoults said, “We are not here to punish you; we’re trying to substantiate how long and how strongly you have had these feelings of this other self. How have these past weeks been for you?”

“Truthfully, heaven and hell. I’ve been excited and afraid about this day. I like being Jeff, I love being Jessie more. I’m glad to have own my name. I hope you won’t stop me from going on this trip. I know it is for my big sister; I just want a chance to be me.”

Mom and Dr. Stoults meet without me and then Mom comes out and sits with me. “Dr. Kim and Dr. Beth Hunt need to talk about what to do for you.”

We wait until the morning clients are through before we meet again with Dr. Kim Stoults. “This will just be for a short duration and to see how you do on this trip. Jessie, we want to see how your body responds to receiving female hormones for a short duration. Mrs. Preston, we need your approval for this. Dr. Hunt believes you are open to it, is that so?”

Mom looks at me, slightly smiling, “I think it could be helpful.”

Dr. Stoults looks to me asking, “Are you open to this? I don’t think there will be any change physically and feelings that might arise are as likely to be in your head than real. We will not leave you on them long enough to substantiate more than if your body has a safe response.”

Jessie says, “You don’t give me much to get excited about, do you? Except I think some of it is real whether you believe it or not.”

Dr. Stoults is happy for me, “I wouldn’t expect it any other way young woman, but I need to hear you agree.”

“Yes, I agree but how am I going to be able to fly and travel as Jessie?”

Dr. Kim, “The people who approve special passports already had Dr. Hunt’s approval to do so. They’re awaiting word from our office, so now you can pick up your special passport. It is for you as a transgendered girl; is this in fact what you and your mother want?”

I say, “Yes, you know I do. I have brought a pretty dress and even two swimsuits for sunbathing. It makes me a little nervous but a lot more excited.” I thought Dr. Stoults would be surprised, instead, she smiles at me.

Dr. Kim gives me a shot of the testosterone blocker saying it is more effective this way. My female hormones are by prescription which is quickly purchased and I take my first dose.

Mom stops at Grandma’s on our way home. We're expecting Grandma will be preparing lunch. I go in yelling, “Grandma, I get to take girl hormones for three weeks!”

She tries to tell me to hush, as she’s giving Darby Jacobs another baking lesson. Darby’s school has their spring break a week earlier than us. I am looking Darby face to face when I realized it. I say, “I guess you knew part of it. Now you know for sure.”

“My brother said I knew the T-girl. I thought it might be you, but your grandma wouldn’t tell me. It sounds strange, but when I see you as Jessie you are so normal, except how pretty you are.”

I ask, “What does my being pretty, have to do with it?”

She says, “Well it is not like you’re gorgeous, but you look like a pretty girl. I thought…” She stops and won’t finish what she’s saying. Darby looks to Grandma, “Have you taught Jessie how to bake pies?”

“Jessie's seen me, but no, she’s never really learned to do it. Would you mind helping her to learn?” Darby automatically goes to the kitchen drawer where she pulls out an apron. She does not pull out the top one but finds one that is pink and white and has ruffles around its edges.

Darby instructs me, “You should roll up your sleeves. Make sure you wipe your hands on your apron or a towel and not the sides of your clothes. You are actually wearing an outfit too nice for baking. But I think your mother will excuse you if you are careful.”

I am impressed as Darby helps me mix the flour for the pie crusts while Grandma watches. She even asks me to roll out the top crust. Darby cuts three slits that look like little almond slivers. Grandma mixes some cherries frozen from last summer with sugar and something else. Darby and I get silly with the mention of ‘frozen’ cherries and begin to sing the ‘Frozen’ song, “Let It Go”. I guess I surprise them by how well Jessie sings.

Once the pies are in the oven, I show Darby how to make Grandma’s flaky cinnamon cookies with the leftover pie dough. I have Darby get all the scraps of dough, make it into one dough pile to be rolled out. I found Grandma’s round cookie cutter. Each round cookie gets a small dab of butter and is sprinkled with cinnamon sugar and then put into the oven until it bakes a light brown. We each get to enjoy one cookie before the pies came out of the oven.

Mom and I are soon on our way home to prepare dinner. I’m surprised by how fast the day has gone. When I complain I’m hungry. Mom reminds me I did not eat lunch. She says, “I continue to be surprised by how you get caught making mistakes and it turns out for the better?”

“What did I get caught at this time?” I had already forgotten.

“You went yelling into Grandma’s about taking girl hormones. Darby’s there and instead of being shocked; she sees you as a normal pretty girl and suggests a baking lesson.”

Jessie turns sad and Mom asks, “What’s with the gloomy look?”

Jessie looks to her Mom, “I hoped Darby would be Jeff's girlfriend too. I hoped the same about Tami, Mom.”

Mom pats me on the hand as we arrive home, “There’s more than one side to being Jessie. Darby seems to like you as a girlfriend. As Jessie, have you noticed other feelings for Darby or her brother?”

“I felt something when I kissed Matt.” Oops, mom didn’t know.

“You kissed Matt, when did that happen,” Mom asks?

I say, “We ran into him and his friends at the movies when I went with Tami and April.”

Mom says, “You didn’t just happen to see a boy and kiss him; the three of you went with them to the movies?”

“Mom, it just happened, I didn’t plan it.” Mom says, “Explain.” I say, “I wasn’t going to do it, but Matt and I talked. I decided I would be safe with him. Yes, he paid for my ticket but I helped to buy the popcorn and diet cola. We made it through most of the movie, but once we looked at each other at the same time and we kissed. He knew I’m a boy, but I think he kissed a girl that is how I kissed him. I’m sorry Mom, but I felt something inside.”

“Jessie, you are so in trouble for what you did.”

“But Mom, I didn’t mean it and it’s not like we made out,” I say.

Mom says, “It isn’t just the kiss, but going on a date behind our backs. Even if you didn’t know you kept it a secret.”

“I didn’t tell you because I knew you would take it the wrong way.”

Mom takes me into her room as we go into the house, “I would like to take you over my knee and spank you, like a bad little girl.” Mom reaches me and pulls me to her, my hands go behind to protect my bottom. However, Mom is hugging me, “Honey, I know feelings and thoughts are arising in you. You need to think and you need to trust us.” Mom and I talked, I’m grounded for a month except for Tami’s to study and Max’s. Luckily Mom didn’t ask about Max.

Rachel knows something happened and that I’m grounded, but I won’t tell her why. Rob doesn’t know or care. I’m Jeff at school and home until the trip. I spend extra time on my bed daydreaming.

It feels so nice dressing on Thursday as Jessie. I’m so excited to be going on the trip. Mom and Rachel both get tired of showing me how to fold or pack this and that. Rachel says over and again, “A girl just knows how to do that.” When they can they send me to the other person.

The most frightening thing is going through airport security. I’m afraid something will be said in public that I’m not a girl or they want to do a body search. I stay close to Mom and she speaks for me the two times someone asks questions. There are looks and it takes time with questions again. One TSA woman who first looks strict and firm, apologizes, “I am sorry for any frustration this causes you. We wouldn’t want you forcefully taken someplace to be abuse or not to come back.” She’s being warm and more caring, “You are a pretty young teen. I expect you are looking forward to this trip. What are you most excited about?”

I say, “I already got a little tan, my sister and I plan to sunbath. I also have a pretty dress to wear for my cousin’s wedding.” She wishes me well on our trip.

I
’ve only seen palm trees on TV, seeing them almost made the long flight and small seats worth it. Our school doesn’t offer Spanish until high school, so I’m relying on my sister. Thankfully, almost everyone is speaking English. There are people there from England but our English is not quite the same. Mom calls theirs the Queen’s English.

The first night at Akumal we only have time to check in, get dinner, and walk around seeing the beach before calling it a night. Rachel and I share one suite adjoining to our parents. Rachel is more discreet and private about changing, showers and things.

I want to go to sleep, but Rachel soon interests me to stay up and do our nails. Rachel is to get a manicure and pedicure here for the wedding. I’m jealous but it is also part of her graduation present.

Morning comes early, but Rachel and I are up with the dawn making way for the sun rising. We're soon in shorts, tops and sandals going out to the beach. We are back to see Mom and Dad about breakfast. We are to eat with the Masons. Mom and Dad get a quick bite and then go meet with our travel person. Molly’s especially happy to see Rachel. They have been especially close when we all lived closer, and before Molly went to college.

Keith Jackson, her fiancé, stops and sits with us. Rachel had told me that Keith is handsome and now I see that for myself. He’s to graduate from Yale in May and already has a job with a firm in Bridgewater, Connecticut. They will be living closer to Yale and New Haven for Molly to get her degree.”

Uncle Mike and Uncle Billy are upset with Dad and Aunt Ellen. Though they’ve come on the trip, they’re threatening not to attend the wedding or worse interrupt it. That is if I attend the wedding; I didn’t know of this for a while. Mom’s upset and stressed.

It is after 3:00 p.m. that Uncle Billy daughter Cheryl arrives asking people, “Hi everyone, I’d like everyone to meet and welcome Jill to the family. She knew her father already accepted her marriage to Jill, but he had not expected Cheryl to come to the wedding. It was Jill who financed the trip as she wanted to meet the family. The deciding factor was two weeks ago when they learned Cheryl’s younger Cousin Jeff/Jessie, a transgendered girl, was to come to the wedding.

I’m on the beach swimming and sunning with Erica when Cheryl and Jill come looking for us. They recognize Aunt Ellen and Cousin Erica. I probably would have recognized Cheryl if I was expecting her. Cheryl says, “Hello Aunt Ellen and Erica and this must be Jessie. I’d like to introduce you to Jill. We married officially a couple of weeks ago and we would like to have a church wedding if and when possible.”

Jill turns to Cheryl, “You’re lucky I’m only meeting Jessie now, I hadn’t thought of a cute T-girl.” Cheryl gives me a hug, “Yes, she did; the deciding factor was we fell in love with each other. We came to the wedding in part to give support to you being here. Molly already knows of us and is happy we’re here for her sake and yours.”

I said, “Mine, why me?”

Cheryl says, “Because the Preston men, apart from your Dad, pardon the language can be bastards. My Dad was going to side with Grandpa and Uncle Mike, ‘Monkey one and two’. My Dad already knows about Jill and me, but this was to be his last hurrah at being a public ass. I don’t think he will, with us being here. My mother, as well as, I would disown him, at least for a while.”

Jill says, “We talked to you mother and Rachel. We’re glad you have healthy support. You do make a good girl on the outside.”

I ask, “What do you mean I make a good girl on the outside?”

Cheryl smiles, “Just that you look really good as a girl. Being a T-girl is a lot like being a lesbian, the outside cover does not determine your heart and all that goes with being you.” Jill interrupts, "I know when I was thirteen I still had three swings ahead of me about whether I was straight, gay or even bi-sexual. You have both gender decisions as well as how you’re attracted to people sexually.”

I’m surprised, “You understand the differences? Most people don’t.”

Cheryl sees Aunt Ellen looking at her watch. “We also came down to remind all of us, we need to get ready for the rehearsal dinner. We’re to be dressed up and to the gathering spot by seven.”

I get back to my suite, letting my parents know I’m back. I will wait until the wedding tomorrow evening to wear the dress that I wore to the ballet. The dress I’m wearing tonight is a very pretty white and blue skater dress with simple straps.

Rachel’s back, saying they already had their rehearsal. She says, “Everyone should enjoy the wedding for its simplicity and uniqueness. It is not like any wedding you’ve seen.” She stops there and won’t tell me anything more.

I tell Rachel, “I’ve seen Cousin Cheryl and I know the secret Grandmother wouldn’t tell us.” Rachel waits for me to tell her and then asks. I say, “Wait, you’ll see. You wouldn’t tell me about the rehearsal.”

Rachel is willing to wait, as it will only be until 7:00 p.m. Luckily, Rachel is nice; she still helps with my hair and makeup. She tells me to end my shower with water as cool as comfortable. Having a nice tan changes how to do my makeup. Though it will be light, I want it right. Tonight my hair is nicely brushed and combed. There are enough curls and waves to make it look nice.

An all-inclusive resort is nice, a girl doesn’t have to worry about a larger purse. I'm not used to stuffing the room key in my clothes and already had to replace one after I went for a swim. Jeff would have liked the endless refill of Coke or Dew. I drink water or a couple of diet drinks each day.

Walking to the rendezvous point is easy and it is generally enjoyable to see the extended family as well as Keith’s family as well as Keith and Molly’s friends. I didn’t like Uncle Mike coming up and pulling my hair and his snide remarks whispered. “You’re not wanted here girly boy,” that was the second and most printable comment.

In not so girly language, I say, “Butt off Uncle Mike, you leave me alone and I’ll leave you alone. But I won’t take your crap.” I walk quickly to Rachel and she looked back from where I came and knew something happened.

She asks, “Are you, okay Sis? Tell Dad, he won’t put up with it.”

I informed her, “I will if it continues, but I’d rather not make a scene. I’ll stay close to those who are supportive. Please don’t tell Molly or Dad for now.”

It is shortly after that that Cheryl walks up with Jill. Rachel’s partly surprised as she greets Cheryl and Jill with a big smile and warm hugs. Their glimpsing at me meant I’m part of their conversation. Erica, however, has gotten me to go with her to meet some of Keith’s cousins. I didn’t know she meant boys or I probably wouldn’t have gone to meet them.

Tad’s fifteen and Jared’s about the same age. Tad asks me if I like scuba diving. And when I say, “I hadn’t ever tried it.” He simply says, “Then we’ll have to take you, meet us where the shuttles pick us up at 7:30 in the morning. Wear shorts and top over your swimsuits.”

I try to say ‘No’, but he stops me. "We won’t bite and we already made the reservations.”

I say, “But I’m grounded for three weeks.”

Tad and Jared both smile with Jared saying, “That’s the spirit, you’re the kind of girl we enjoy being with.” Erica is surprised I said I’m grounded and says, “She’s just shy, grounded is an excuse.”

I make my way over to Mom. “Mom, I need your help. Keith’s cousins Tad and Jared want to take me scuba diving tomorrow morning. I told them, I’m grounded, but Erica said that’s just an excuse because I’m shy.”

Mom says, “Okay, I’ll let you go tomorrow.”

“But Mom, I want you to say ‘no’.”

Mom asks, “Are you afraid to go diving, part of it will probably only be snorkeling. The places here are very beautiful and a lot of fun.”

I tell her, “But it’s with guys.”

She smiles, “Then promise me there won’t be any kissing.”

I say, “Mom, I’m not going to, but they are cute and kind of assertive. Plus, aren’t I to have my hair styled for the wedding?”

She says, “If you’re going in the morning, you should be back by 11:30 or noon at the latest. I’ll tell their folks you and Erica are younger and the boys need to be easy on you. Is that okay?”

The conversation ends as the tram rides come to take us to the restaurant that we're eating at tonight. The meal is extra fancy, too fancy for my tastes, but surprisingly I enjoy the new food I’m tasting. Some are going to a dance area tonight but I go back with my folks.

There is an entertainment venue at Akumal that a few of us stop at. It has singing and dancing tonight. Come audience participation, instead of recruiting those eager to go up, I’m selected. I’m soon wearing a ruffled skirt, decorative scarfs and being quickly taught some steps behind the scenes. The next dance I am one of the girls dancing on stage and the lead male dancer is twirling me, swinging me out and back. For the finale, he lifts me up allowing my skirt to fall around me. Miguel gives me a kiss and says I did extremely well. The audience applauds as I return to my seat.

Soon I’m being called back to a table where my parents are sitting. I’m sure I’m in trouble and will be told about the dangers of me being found out. Instead, Mom is giggling almost uncontrollably while showing pictures they had gotten of me. “You are quite the dancer young lady. I didn’t know you could dance like that.”

“I can’t Mom, I don’t know how I did it. Their dancers taught me and I just tried to keep up and not embarrass myself.” Molly came over to compliment me, “I didn’t know you took dance, your school must have quite the program? I hope you can go dancing with us tomorrow night.”

Again someone answers for me, Dad says, “She’ll love too, the only thing is she won’t like to be sitting with her parents.”

Molly smiles, “I understand, we’ll include her with the bridal party and our friends. We’ll watch after her.” Molly whispers to me, “I hope you won’t be offended, but I’m surprised how easy it is to accept and relax with you, Jessie.” She gives me a hug and it is the first time I feel my breasts. I think to myself, ‘Doctors’ can this be just in my head?’

Back to my suite for the night, I take a shower and shampoo and condition my hair. I relish the fact I’m getting good at drying, brushing out and doing my hair. I am also taken with the how well I tanned today. There are only a few areas slightly red. The only sensitive area is at the back and top of my legs, under my butt cheeks.

Mom knocks and comes into say goodnight and talk. “I am proud of you young lady, you handled yourself quite well, today. We don’t know what your Uncle Mike said or if Uncle Billy or anyone else gave you a hard time. Your father spoke to his brothers and made it quite clear they are not to bother you, Cheryl or cause a problem for the wedding and festivities.”

“Thanks, Mom, but what would Dad do if anything happened?”

Mom states, “Your father and someone have already talked to security here. But he’ll put a stop to it himself if he needs too.”

It surprises me that my Dad would be like that. Mom even tells me, “Your father is not someone others want to tangle with. Before you or your sister took tae-kwon-do, your father earned his black belt, before you were born. He’s sure he won’t have to use it. Uncle Mike tangled with him long ago, I’m sure he remembers.”

Mom suggests tomorrow morning I wear my one piece swimsuit. “I know your concern Jess, but it would be a shame if you’re down here along the Gulf and didn’t do something unique like this. I’m very sure you will love it. Yes, I know the boys find you cute. They’re not to go beyond giving you a hug. Don’t be afraid to slap their hands if they wander.”

I have a good night's sleep with a dream involving Tad. I didn’t hear Rachel come to bed, but in the morning she asks, “Was that anyone, in particular, you were dreaming about?” I denied knowing what she meant.

I feel like a little girl growing up, I barely remember when Rachel started looking like a pretty teen with shorts over her swimsuit. Now it’s me and I’m happy looking at myself in the mirror. Rachel says behind me, “Yes, you look like a hot teen, girl. Remember Tad, Jared, and red-blooded guys are going to see the same.”

I responded, “Eew.”

Rachel says, “I hope you see it that way, but I’m pretty sure you are hoping they think you’re pretty.”

“How can you say that?”

She laughs in my face, “By the way you’re looking at yourself in the mirror. Now get your stuff and get going so you’re there on time.”

I ask as I’m ready to leave, “Are you excited about going to the salon with Molly and being at the wedding?”

Rach says, “Yes, but if you want to talk about it, let's do that when you get back. Shoo!”

I met Erica on the way and she thankfully is more excited than me. The guys are waiting for us, luckily it is Erica they like. It does not bode well for me when Tad sits with me and Jared is with Erica. Tad says, “Your Uncle must not like you. He told me you’re a boy. I even tried asking Keith to straighten him out, but he didn’t hear me.”

Jessie takes a deep breath, “I tried telling you yesterday I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to tell you but yes, I’m technically a boy.”

Tad laughs at me, “Quit the joking a boy can’t look as girly as you. We have gay guys at my school, I know.”

“Thanks for the compliment, but I didn’t lie to you.”

Tad questions Jessie but seemingly already knew, “Is it still okay, if we still act like we’re together, like a date?”

Jessie’s now the one humored, “If my Mom doesn’t find out, I’m not to be dating yet.”

Tad shakes his head, “But your Mom knows you’re with me and you’re a girl. Isn’t that a date?”

Jessie smiles, “Probably, but I don’t say that I understand parents.” Tad laughs and agrees he doesn’t either. Erica and Jared ask what’s so funny. Tad and Jessie say together, “Parents.”

We arrive at an area near Tulum. Juan gathers the group asking, “Who wants to learn or knows how to scuba dive? Those who would rather snorkel, go with Miguel.”

Tad pointing to me says, “We both know, she can go with me.”

“Hold it sport,” Juan turns to me. “Is that true young woman?”

I point to the tanks, “I’m not sure about your equipment, but I know how to dive.” Juan looks at me, “Make sure you do or ask me, will you?” I agree.

Tad takes me steps away, “Do you?”

I confess, “Not really, you better be able to show me.” Erica is the one who knows how to scuba and Jared has volunteered to go snorkeling. Chad from the resort is in our group and now taking interest in Erica. There is a natural pool with some fencing that we practice in for fifteen minutes. Luckily, Tad does well in helping me to learn. The pool area is fun to start and two people choose to stay there. Next is a larger closed off area it has sea turtles, fish, and stingrays. I say, “I was told there’s an area with coral, plants and sea life that area one gets to swim more freely in a more open area.”

Juan says, “Maria and David can take you to that area but there’s no guarantee about what you’ll see.” Tad, three others and I go with them. I joke with Maria, “There’s no chance the coral and plant vegetation is swimming away.” Dave needs to explain to Maria, “Gringo humor.”

Maria encourages me to swim with her, “I show you beautiful colors, you appreciate.” She was right the colors were fantastically beautiful and later we heard others did not have that experience. She signaled me to notice two sea turtles and colorful fish as well. We had been swimming a half hour and were required to take a break. We were given other options or could go back to scuba diving. I ask, “Marie, is there more we can see?”

“Se, I will be happy to show you.” Tad isn’t as excited but stays with us. Maria being pretty doesn’t hurt his interest in staying around. Maria shows us a cave where fresh water is entering the Gulf. It has attracted different sea life and while they scatter if we get too close we can see them quite well at a short distance. Twenty minutes pass quite quickly and we need to swim back and turn in our equipment.

I want to give Maria a big tip, but I’m told it needs to go to all of the people at this place. Maria assures me, “It is better we share or it would be us women who would come up short, because our English not too good.” I give her a hug, saying I will learn Spanish and come back. Maria knows better than me, though I’m sincere.

Tad too left a good tip and sincerely says, “Maria, I would not have enjoyed it as much if I had not followed you two.” I ask Tad later and he affirmed that what we saw was unique and better. We confirm that in talking with others on our way back.

I’m caught off guard when Tad gives me a hug and a kiss when I turn to him. “What’s up with that,” I ask?

Tad says, “Sorry, I had a great time and wanted to express my thanks. I wasn’t thinking.”

I smile saying, “I’m not naïve nor am I, sorry, thank you.” Tad has a sheepish grin, “I guess, I’m not either.” He gives me another hug, this time tickling me. We’re let off at the resort and go our separate ways.

Erica asks, “What’s that about?” She asks, “Does he know about you?”

I’m tempted to mention about Uncle Mike but am satisfied just saying, “Yes, he asked and I told him.”

Erica asks, “Is he?”

I say, “I’m pretty sure he’s straight, but he’s decided to treat me as a girl.”

Erica said, “He doesn’t believe you’re not a regular girl?” We talked and I assure her, he does.

Mom’s glad to see me back, “Hurry and shower and get ready to go to the salon, if you want anything to eat. I hadn’t eaten much before I left and I am plenty hungry. I was not much more than presentable when we get to one dining area. I fill a small plate with fruit, cheese and some rice with shrimp and vegetables.

Erica finds us as she and I are going to the salon together. I’m enjoying having a girl cousin in a whole new way. I’m going to have two large curls falling to the left of my face. Some of my hair is pinned up and I have many smaller tighter curls around my head. Mom oohs and ahs as I come out of the salon. I could have said the same for Mom if I wasn’t so caught up with myself. Remaining calm and inactive for me is hard as we sit reading and visiting with others. Learning to visit and read more is a girl thing according to my Jeff way of thinking. Jeff can kill time with a tablet but it is not reading.

It’s funny as I watch girls, women pass by. Jeff is thinking about how attractive they are, Jessie looking at how attractive they are in a whole different way: clothes, makeup, and hair. Truthfully, I’m not fully sure how I’m looking at them. There are certain ones I’m not sure about my attraction.

Rachel comes over and visits, “So how are you doing Jessie?”

I turn the conversation, “You were going to tell me about your salon visit and time with Molly.”

Rachel smiles, “You know how you look up to me at times. That’s how it is with me being around Molly. This being her wedding day, it’s more so. You will be surprised at how much more beautiful she is. …We got pampered in ways you wouldn’t believe.” They had massages and facials before their hair and makeup were done.

Rachel soon leaves to get dressed and help Molly. I feel there are things Rachel is not telling me.

I’m soon back to my room and Mom is dressing with me so she can help me. It is amazing to me how different my dress is today. Mom says, “Jessie you know the biggest difference isn’t losing the jacket. It is you, you are so much better in carrying yourself as a woman.

I am into how I look until we get to the beach area where the wedding is going to be. There are four people who are to perform the ceremony, first I’m thinking Mayan costume, but the Mayan wise man tells me it is their authentic dress for the service will not be a reenactment but a ceremony.

He tells me, not that I am pretty, but asks me to be at peace with the elements of the cosmos…

Story to be continued…

Jeff/Jessie Preston
Mom; Roger Preston-Dad
Terri, Rachel-sister, Robbie-brother
Grandma Stephens
Darby and Matt Jacobs
Tami, Jennifer and Mrs. Johnson Carol.
April Franklin – Tami’s best friend
Luke – a friend of Jeff’s who likes Monica; Jacob – Friend of Rob’s
Dr. Elizabeth Hunt and Dr. Kim Stoults, my sister’s doctor
Nonna Grandmother Preston, Michael Preston, Sr. – Grandfather
Aunt Ellen (Dad’s Sister), Uncle Rich Mason, Daughters Molly, and Erica
Uncle Mike Preston, Jr. Dad’s brothers
Cousin Cheryl Knowles-Turner and Jill Turner
Uncle Billy and Aunt Jan (Preston) Knowles–

Things started with Jeff to turn 13 years old, dressing in his sister’s clothes and makeup; he hadn’t expected to get caught… The discovery of him cross-dressing begins the blossoming of Jessie... Jeff has trouble accepting Jessie is really him, others have trouble accepting Jeff and Jessie co-exist… Mom and Dr. Hunt support Jessie/Jeff in taking time to discover what is true in this situation.

I am into how I look until we get to the beach area where the wedding is going to be. There are four people who are to perform the ceremony. First I’m thinking Mayan costume, but the Mayan wise man tells me it is an authentic dress and the service will not be a reenactment but a ceremony… He tells me, not that I am pretty, but asks me to be at peace with the elements of the cosmos…

Now –
Mom calls me back over to the group and the refreshment table. They are serving a blended fruit drink, to make sure we are all hydrated. She asks as I get my drink and begin to sip, “It looked like the Mem, Mayan Wiseman came over and visited with you. What did he and you talk about?”

“I showed my ignorance and asked him about his costume. He was nice and shared that he is like you said 'a Mayan Wiseman' and that the ceremony that he does is not a re-enactment for Molly and Keith but an actual wedding ceremony as has been handed down to him. Each of the people involved has a role but they’re not acting… Mom, he looked at me, like he knew me and said, “Jessie, I hope you will come at peace with the elements of the cosmos and be you.”

My Mother asks, “So you told him about yourself, and he is okay with that?”

I say, “No Mom, I didn’t but I felt like he knew. He said he would like to do something for me after the ceremony.”

Come the time of the wedding we sit in two rows of chairs that were two thirds around the area of a decorated circle. Keith Connors stood outside the circle waiting for Molly being escorted by her father Rich Mason.

Uncle Rich gives her a kiss as Molly then joins with Keith as they enter into the circle. There were times they stand and other times they kneel facing each other. A woman assisting the Mem held a round bowl of burning incense that she takes around the couple.

The ceremony in some ways was very simple and basic acknowledging the four elements of the world. I believe they’re wind, fire, water, and the cosmos. Molly comes out of the circle to receive wisdom from her mother and Keith’s mother, and Keith does the same with his father and Uncle Rich. They share from their heart and mind a bit of wisdom. Molly has been holding her emotions until Keith’s eyes fill with tears. They seem to know they are near the end of the ceremony and they’re fine. The Moms and many others of us have tears in our eyes with handkerchiefs in hand.

Molly and Keith are now wife and husband and people surround them to greet’em.

The Wiseman smiles as I approach him and he asks the young woman with the incense to circle around me as he says, “ch'uupal, and chuupul ko’olel.” The young woman with him smiles as she hears what he says. I ask her when he walks away, “What did he say?”

“I am Tina,” she says, “He called you a girl and blessed you to become fully woman. I guess he thinks you are not fertile. It is like a blessing, he means well, I hope you are not offended.”

I smile back to her, sure she does not know the other possible implications. I give her a hug, which she does not expect, saying, “I am very pleased. He asks the impossible but I am very happy he did.”

The photographer brings the couple after they greet people to have pictures taken. Keith and Molly are both aglow; Molly is radiantly beautiful. They convey many thanks to Luis, the Mem, and those who assisted him. Keith, who I guess is regularly stoic had been moved by the ceremony. We are photographed with the bridal couple and with Molly’s extended family. The pictures culminate with a picture of everyone drinking a toast of champagne, even I, Erica and other young people are allowed a half glass.

We are to ride the tram again to another upscale restaurant for the wedding dinner. Molly greets me as we walk to the tram. “Did he bless you?” I say, “Yes, but how did you know?”

She says, “I asked him to if he was not offended to do it. He said the Cosmos knows who you are, as did he when he saw you. He told me, my love for you started the blessing.” People call for Molly to get with Keith onto their transportation and that ended our words.

At the restaurant, I am approached by Uncle Billy. To my surprise, he says, “I want to apologize if I offended you in any way.”

I say, “If? I am glad if it is over, but I’d rather not talk about it here, probably not even on this trip.” I am sad because Rachel is with the wedding party. I know that is the right place for her but I could use my big sister. I move away from Uncle Billy.

Mom sees I am upset, but does not know Uncle Billy talked to me. She asks, “Jessie, how are you? You look despondent.”

I tell her, “I am okay Mom. I will probably be okay after I eat.” She gives me a hug and wants me to sit with her and Dad. “Mom, I’d like to see if I can sit with Erica and others our age.”

Erica is sitting with Sally, Keith’s youngest sister and I’m invited to sit with them. After family and friends are seated Keith and Molly are announced as Mr. and Mrs. Connors and the best mariachi band we have heard yet plays as Keith and Molly take their seats at the head table.

The dinner is great and people are talking about and sharing pictures from the wedding. I did not see any pictures taken during the wedding, but I guess that is part of today’s technology and smartphones. Erica wants to know everything I did with Tad when we went scuba diving. I ask her about Jared and her and I ask questions until the subject is changed. Tad is watching me and I feel good about that.

It is after nine that the dinner is done. Most of us are going to the Hacienda Market Place on the edge of the resort. I take time to say goodnight to Grandma Preston before we go to the Hacienda. She has enjoyed herself but is ready to get back to her room and relax.

Along with the many markets, there is a court area for music and dancing and then at midnight the music and dancing is to move inside. Molly and Rachel look for me and make sure I am with them in the courtyard. Rachel hands me a drink that she says is half strength. I can taste Sprite and pineapple juice in the drink but I cautiously look around to find Mom and Dad who are halfway across the courtyard. The biggest hassle is to get enough tables and chairs for our group.

Some people begin dancing but most wait for Molly and Keith. Once the DJ sees the wedding couple dancing he asks the crowd to make a circle and allow them to dance. Despite her gown, Molly is able to keep up with Keith as they sweep around the dance area and Keith swings her about. During the next dance, people are invited to join them. Tad is coming to me when another boy from another wedding party grabs me and asks to dance.

Marcus is sixteen and thinks I am fifteen. This dance is fast and I am not sure what I am doing, but that seems okay with Marcus. He looks like a good dancer but then I really wouldn’t know. They begin a slow dance and Marcus pulls me close. It is interesting as he speaks English, but as Mom says, ‘It’s the queen’s English. He explains where Manchester, England is and asks if I know world football. I do as it is another term for soccer. He plays in his school but he tells me there are two professional soccer teams at Manchester. It is the Manchester United soccer club that he routes for. He tells me I do not need to know the other team’s name. I said, “The New York Yankees are like that, but I do not route for them.”

The dance finishes and I say I need to get back to my group. “Can I have a kiss from a Yankee girl, before you go?” He was anticipating me saying yes as he draws me in his arms and gives me a big kiss. I did not complain, though I did not detect any of the reserves of an English gentleman.

There is an empty seat next to Tad as I go back to the tables as my former chair is full. I tell him, “I thought I saw you on the dance floor but you did not get to me.”

We agree to rest a few songs, as I get my drink and add some of Tad’s soda to it. Tad and I have danced two dances when Rachel catches up to me. She is a bit giggly but I don’t think drunk. I take a sip of her tequila sunrise, it is what I was served before but mine was very diluted. I took a second and larger gulp before I hand it back to Rachel.

Tad and I go looking in the shops for sombreros in the shops, some which are beginning to close. I am ready to buy a large sombrero when Tad asks about getting them home. It is not that we can’t take them, but the room they would take in my luggage or the condition of it later. I search until I find a ruffled Mexican skirt I like and I buy an inexpensive top to go with it. I change at the shop and then seek out my Mom to give her my dress.

She shakes her head as she laughs with joy and hugs me. Dad is the one who shakes his head in worry and points at Tad, asking him to be good. Tad says on our way back to our group, “Your Dad is treating you completely as a girl, does that mean I can?”

I say, “I am thirteen, it shouldn’t change how you treat me.”

He says, “I can tell you get excited when you are with me and I want to celebrate that even if it doesn’t change things. You are dressed as an exciting Mexican beauty. If you are going to be a real daughter, I am even more excited.”

I pause and lean forward from my waist up the air has been sucked from me. I too am excited, but suddenly I realize how fast my world is changing. Tad stops a few steps ahead of me and comes back. “Are you alright?”

The music has just changed to a slow song. “Let’s dance and then I need to find my sister and talk to her.” We start apart, but soon we are close and I am not sure if it is Tad’s heart or mine that I hear beating. I know Tad is getting excited and I have as well though my boy parts do not respond much. I am leaning my head on Tad, as I look up his lips start caressing first my cheek and as I move he comes closer and closer to my lips. Our kiss is passionate but I keep it simple.

Suddenly I like him a lot but I want to be a young thirteen-year-old girl. I want to learn to be a girl before I am a woman. ‘Is this what Luis meant a girl to become a woman? I am not sure, but I do want time for myself.’ I am glad when the song is done. I know Tad wants to know what is happening and I am thinking.

It is Rachel, I want and need to talk to. She too has been dancing with a boy and is going back to her chair near Molly. The guy stays around and I know I should not disturb my sister when a guy is with her. I walk close to her but stay at least five to seven feet away. He is amused as I stand away from her, but she sees it is obvious I want to talk to her. She waves me to come.

“Lance, this is my sister Jessie and Jessie this is Lance. What is so important you want me but don’t want to disturb me?” I am a little ashamed and give a sheepish grin.

“Sorry Sis, I want to talk to you, but I can wait. I will wait until we’re at our room.”

She says, “But you won’t be very comfortable until we talk will you?” She stands up and excuses herself from Lance. She takes me and we find chairs in an area away from our group. She asks, “So what has you upset?”

I’m afraid Rachel will get upset because it is not important. I pause and I’m quiet until she encourages me again to speak. “It isn’t important and I’m afraid you will be angry with me.”

Rachel says, “You’re acting like a little girl, is that it?”

“How did you know,” I ask? “Tad likes me and when we kissed I had to work to keep my mouth shut. Do you know what I mean? I didn’t want to be a big girl I want enough time to learn to be a girl. Right now I feel like Jeff's rushing to be a girl and I don’t know what that means.”

“Wow, Sis,” Rachel pulls me close and holds me in a hug. “That is an important thing for a young girl to realize. I am very proud of you.” She encourages us to sit again and talk. I can see by her eyes and expression she is really proud of me. After talking another ten minutes, she suggests we go back to our room and talk there.

“Gee, Rachel it’s nice that you’d do that for me, but I know you want to be here longer and you’re with the Bride as her Maid of Honor.” I say, “It was important that I talk to you, but I don’t think either of us wants to leave.” We walk back to where she was sitting.

Molly stands to greet me again, and gives me a big hug. “Well young woman, how are you doing and what’s so important?” She smells like a fresh flower blossom but I can’t recognize it. “You know you have always been important to your sister, but she says that you two have grown even closer. She loves her little sister. She has talked about you enough that I feel I already know you. Next year I will have time after Erica visits that I could have another little sister visit. Would you like to come and stay a weekend?” She pauses and then says, “That is if you are still a girl like I expect.”

I say, “When Jeff hears of things like that, he wishes he would be seen as a sister. I want to be a little sister and I don’t want to grow up too fast.”

Molly giggles and apologizes for it, “That must be what was so urgent you needed to talk to her. She’s been afraid of you growing too fast.”

I say, “All of a sudden I realized and worried about that too. Part of me knows I’m a girl, but I don’t even know what it means to be a girl. I have been trying too hard to be a girl. It scares me how fast things are going.”

Molly reaches into her bosom and brings out a tiny bottle, she opens the top. She says, “I like this fragrance, it kind of inundates me and I can feel like anything I want.” The top has a small wand that she touches near my breasts. “Go, tonight you can enjoy yourself, but only with those who accept the young woman you are.”

Suddenly my mind transports me back six years when I went with my mom’s grandparents on a trip to Maine. There was a beauty pageant and I was resting on the edge of the stage when they crowned the new queen. When the new queen went to the sides of the stage to wave to the people, she saw me and lifted me in her arms and gave me a kiss. I guess people asked me to turn and I had such a big smile. It made the front page of the next day’s paper. I loved that she was so nice to me. I felt like I could be a beautiful girl like her, but I knew I couldn’t say anything. But Jessie did not have a name then.

Erica came to me when I left her sister. She and I went back to the shop where I purchased my skirt. Mine is yellow, white, orange and red, mostly flowers, the swirls of wind and the sun. Erica finds one of the flowers, rivers of water, tropic parrots and other birds and even a panther. We are about ready to pay for Erica’s skirt when Jill and Cheryl come in. They are not only buying skirts but hunting for the appropriate peasant blouse. It is very noticeable how endowed both Cheryl and Jill are.

Jill asks, “When we go out to dance we were wondering if you might be interested in doing it together; knowing we two might go overboard now and then. Jessie chimes in, “If you don’t mind I’m going to be a younger girl sometimes, other times I might be naughty like you.”

Cheryl laughs giving me a hug, “You know if you are naughty and your mother thinks it is inappropriate. I hope she holds you responsible and not me.”

Erica says, “But if you shake your booty in front of people there will be guys disappointed to find out you’re lesbians?”

Jill says, “More guys need to know not all the fruit is for them. Another woman shaking her assets doesn’t mean she necessarily means she’s doing it for me, or even if she’s doing it for anybody but herself. If another woman gets too close to Cheryl, I’ll be upset, most of all with Cheryl if she encourages someone else.

Everyone was soon changed and we went out to the dance area and fortunately, the next song allows us to dance and be active. Tad is soon up with Jared seeking to dance with us. I ask Cheryl if she and Jill would join us to dance around Tad and Jared. I am not sure exactly what I want. But as Jessie, I want us four to dance around the two boys.

The evening continues, midnight comes and we move into a building plenty big enough to hold those staying awake. Molly and Keith have left, while Rachel has stayed. She is at a different table but we dance twice together. She is aglow and most of the time has two guys interested in dancing with her. She asks me, “Do you know which guy I enjoy the most?”

She is surprised when I quickly answer, “Sam,”

Rach asks, “What made you say, Sam?”

I say, “I think Brad likes himself too much’ he would be like pretty candy.”

Rachel begins to giggle out loud, “You’ve been watching me too close. Maybe you should be my ‘Big Sister’.

“You mean that because you sometimes relate to guys that aren’t good enough for you.”

Rachel tells me, “Shush.” I’m afraid Brad is coming, but it is Sam who is coming behind me. She then says, “I‘ll serve you notice that I’m watching to see whom you date.”

I giggle at my sister, though I hear the thought concerning my future of dating. I am kind of glad that my parents won’t let me date until I’m 15. I am pretty sure it will at least be until I’m fourteen.’ Come ten of one, Erica and I decide to go back to our resort and rooms. We are about to walk out the building and get our shuttle and Rachel comes to go with us.

We get on our shuttle and Rachel says, “Erica’s Mom said it would be okay if she slept in our suite. Or we’ll need to walk her back to their rooms.”

Erica bounces in her seat, “I’ll stay with you two.” I kind of bounce in my seat as I hug Erica.

They do not change in front of me, but I had dressed down to my panty and bra and put on a robe waiting for them to shower and change for bed.

I am showering shampooing my hair when Rachel comes into moisturize her skin and put up her hair. By the time I am rinsing the conditioner out of my hair, I see Erica is with her. I am okay with her being there, but I am a little upset they didn’t ask me.

Rachel justifies it saying, “Erica only sees you looking like a girl anyway.”

I am in my robe by the time I step out of the shower and join Erica doing our skin and hair. She says, “Jessie, your hair held up quite well. But I’m most surprised that you wore your heels the whole time.”

I say, “My feet got only a little sore. I enjoyed it most of the time and wanted to enjoy wearing heels.” I was ready to go to sleep. However, Erica starts to massage my feet which causes me to wake up as it tickles as well as feels good. The three of us become caught up sharing different things from the day. Erica and I were caught up in hearing Rachel’s experiences as an older girl. Somewhere after 3:30 I fell asleep.

I wake first at 8:30, surprised that Erica and I have shared the same bed. Erica giggles, “How does it feel wake up to find yourself sleeping with a girl as a girl?”

I say, “It makes me feel like a real girl. Erica, I’m glad you’re my cousin. I am even gladder that you’ve been helping me to have fun.”

As we get dressed there is little discretion about changing in the presence of one another this time. I confess that I looked a little with a sense of envy. My sister catches me looking and grabs me from behind, “Erica, I caught your little cousin eyeing you what do you want to do to her?”

Erica says, “Where was she staring, maybe I should stuff it her face?”

Rachel says, “I wouldn’t necessarily want to do that, it might have been Jeff who was staring at you.”

I’m embarrassed and say, “No, it wasn’t, I’m…”

Erica says, “Hold her, I think she’ll freak out.” Rachel says, “Sis, you can’t scream, we don’t want Mom or Dad in here.”

Erica is giggling as she approaches me seeking to put one of her breasts into my face. She’s whispering kiss my nipple, Jessie.” She’s right, I am too embarrassed and ready to cry. Erica tells me, “Be a big girl, we don’t like boys telling us we’re crybabies.” She pulls down her blouse over her bra “What did you think you were doing, looking at me?”

She touches my bra shaking her hand across the front until I shudder and go to my knees shaking. Erica says to Rachel, “I think her nipples are sensitive, do boys have feelings there?”

Rachel says, “No, our Mom says any feelings will be in her head. That the hormones she’s taking temporarily won’t cause her body to have feelings yet.”

Erica says, “Jessie told me that too, but it was her body, not her head that caused her to shake and fall to her knees.

Thankfully, Mom knocks at the door joining our rooms.

The gulf is calm and people venture past the barriers that protect the beach. Swimming here isn’t ideal as the resorts expect most will use the pools, do a lot of sunning and a fair amount of drinking. Some Brit guys take interest and get us into conversations as they swim nearby. Dominic lunges to grab me as a wave begins to break behind me. It is big enough to send us tumbling in the water. Dominic took the worst of it as he wrapped me in this arms as we tumble over the bedrock of the floor bed. He had some scrapes and will probably have some bruises later.

Dominic’s buddies say he should go up on the beach and have his scrapes tended to, I feel bad and agree to go up with him. The scrapes aren’t bad but he is given an ointment to put over them. It has an antibiotic to stop any infection and to provide a covering from the air and water. He has some scrapes on his back that he wouldn’t be able to reach. So I begin to spread the ointment on his scrapes.

Dominic teases me about my gentle touch, especially as I apply it just above or below his swim trunks. He is now sitting up as I apply it to his toes and lower legs. When I hand him the ointment to do the areas he can gently reach, he takes hold of my hands and draws me closer to him.

I kind of like it, as much as I don’t. I gather up the strength to say, “Dominic you are more like an older brother or someone who would date my sister Rachel.”

He says, “I would have protected you if you were a little girl, but that is not how I see you. You couldn’t see me as a boy who is interested in you?”

I know I’m beginning to blush; do I dare say how I feel? I am moved that a young man as attractive and nicely built is attracted to me. I ask, “How old do you think I am?”

He says, “Sixteen, maybe fifteen; I’m only eighteen that is not that big of a difference.”

“I think you took off a year or two from your age and added years to mine. I am only thirteen.” Dominic looks surprised, but his hands tell me he is no less interested. I could see he is also aroused before he placed a towel over his lap.

He smiles and asks, “Can I at least give you a hug and a thank you kiss for taking care of me?”

I say, “It is I who owes you the kiss.” He smiles as he reaches out his arms and I walk into his embrace. As we lean in to kiss, I close my eyes. His arms are warm and strong, my hands are on his shoulders. As his lips touch mine, I am melting have trouble remembering I’m a younger teen. Finally, I push away and my hands brush off my front though there is nothing there.

I turn toward the water, looking for my sister and Erica. They are now closer to the shore and I wade out to them. Rachel congratulates me, “You did well little sis; how are you feeling?”

“You were watching me?”

Erica says, “Yes, she wanted to make sure he didn’t do anything bad and go too far.” She says, “I was rooting for you to jump on his body. It did seem like a very nice hug and kiss.”

I confess, “It was and part of me wanted to go further, but I didn’t want to be a young girl making a fool of herself. He’s too old for me. He said he’s eighteen but I don’t believe him.”

Rachel says, “I agree, I think none of them is younger than nineteen. He is a bit of a hunk, I’m proud of you for resisting.” She giggles lightly, “It might have caused a problem if he discovered your other self. Were the feelings you had just in your head?”

I giggle, “Even my forms got hot when we hugged. I am sure he knew I was hot for him. I almost forgot about me being Jeff.”

We are soon back to our suite to shower, change and go eat at the snack shack. Rachel says, “I’ll let you be on your own, I’m going to be with Matt.” Rachel had left the room and then there is a knock at the door. Thinking it is Rachel wanting to be let back in as I open the door. It is a moment before I recognize the young Mexican woman as Tina. I invite her in but she asks instead if I could meet, at a place we both know. She goes there and I am soon there as well.

We sit, “You are Jessie, no?”

I say, “Se and you, Tina. What would you like to talk to me about?”

She says, “When we spoke last you said ‘Luis’ blessing was impossible though welcomed.’ I still do not understand, but I told Luis. Luis said, ‘Your God and the spirit of the Cosmos do not see it as impossible.’ He hopes you will be open to becoming fully woman if it is to be.” My body is stirred with emotions as she speaks.

Tina speaks again, “Luis does not want you wasting time wondering nor waiting. You are a young woman, you are not to hurry in growing up.”

I ask Tina to follow me and we go to the gift shop and there are stones and I buy two. “Tina, I give you this one and keep one as a reminder of you. You are like a second sister, I thank you.”

Tina receives the stone, and then pulls her necklace over her head and places it around my neck. I too have on a necklace which I take and place around her neck. I am humbled as her necklace is far more precious, but I know it is not about their value. Tina is probably Rob’s age, but she is more like Rachel in her beauty and has wisdom that I look up to. I feel the urge to confirm my understanding of what she has told me. “I am to be content with being the young girl I am.” She smiles and we walk the beach until she says we need to part.

I know we will not meet again, but I pray that we might. I am walking back and Tad finds me and walks with me. “Jessie would you be my girlfriend? We can meet at Erica’s, I will come when Keith and Molly are there?”

I give him but a peck on his cheek as I say, “No. If I see you again we are friends. I don’t want to be someone special waiting for us to forget each other.”

He says, “Liking each other is good.” I shake my head not knowing why seeing he’s aroused pleases me. We go to the market at the Hacienda where we play games and pass the next two hours. I had eaten but one snack and I am famished as I get back to my room. Mom and Dad are both happy to see me.

Some family has already left and we leave tomorrow afternoon. Tonight is casual and fun. I wear my long Mexican skirt and colorful blouse to the entertainment that evening. I am surprised when the performers see and recognize me. Tonight the theme is rock ‘n roll. All but a few songs are from my folks and grandma’s time, but I enjoy listening and watching their performance.

The singers see me before the show starts, and because I’ve already been on stage, they’re not to call me up again. Instead, they ask me to be near the stage and they will choose two songs where we sing off of one another. It is nothing special, and yet it is very special for me.

The next day is hard as we pack up and are ready to leave but it will be the afternoon before we leave. Even the trip back is fun as Rachel and I reminisce.

We're at Chicago and going through customs when I am given grief again for pretending to be a girl. One security officer wants to hassle me with another body scan and a pat down. Someone was called and while that person cannot stop them from doing their job, his supervisor says it is enough. She finishes my check, mostly with an apology and stepping through the procedure of asking me questions and checking my documents.

It is midnight when we arrive at home, Rob is up but his chief interest is what our parents bought for him. I am wanting to crash on my bed and pay the consequences when I get up. Rachel and Mom both insist I take off my makeup, shower and care for my skin. Times like this, I do not like being a girl.

^..^~

Neither I nor Rachel wake up until 10:00 a.m. Rachel is to help me take off my breast forms and gaff and return to being Jeff. I persuade her to let Jessie have a day at home. She helps me to do my makeup so Jeff is not recognized before we head to one of the malls. I have text Tami where we were going. Rachel has called Margaret next door to go with us, saying, “Margaret, you’ll be amused to see how far Jessie has come.”

Margaret is soon over; she knocks and calls in but came in not waiting for a response. I am coming down the stairs to go to Rachel’s room when we meet. “Wow girl, your sister is right you have come a long way in a short time. The Jessie in front of me is not acting about who she is, she’s a natural girl.”

I’m surprised to see her but pleased with what she says. But I quickly catch myself saying, “We’re just going out for the fun of me to act like a girl here before I change back to boy mode.”

“You say what you want. I’m here to enjoy shopping with you again. I will be interested to see Jeff again as well.”

The funny thing today is when I go to the boys’ section looking for Levi’s and other jeans to wear. I pick up a regular pair. A sales girl has no problem that I’m doing so, but she says, “You should get a snugger pair to show off that you’re all girl underneath.”

It is shortly after when we’re back walking the mall that Tami and April find us. The three of us go to the food court to sit and share pictures and stories. Rachel and Margaret take time to shop for themselves.

April has lightly spritzed me with her perfume. Tami is trying to get the attention of boys which is not hard. Both ask me, “Are you staying Jessie?”

I say, “No, my Mom wanted me to change back this morning, but my Sis agreed I could have one more fling before doing so.”

Tami says, “But you’re so natural now as Jessie, don’t you want to remain as her. I want Jeff back but that’s for selfish reasons. I want my Jeff and to dress him as Barbie too.”

We talk and it is nice as they understand the wisdom of taking things slow and my desire to be Jeff and to grow into being a girl. April giggles, “We’re not teachers but this will put a whole new spin on being girlfriends.” We give each other hugs and get back to shopping and being girls…

Story to be continued…

Things started with Jeff Preston turning 13 years old, dressing in his sister’s clothes and makeup; Others didn’t know and he didn’t expect to be caught… The discovery of him cross-dressing begins the blossoming of Jessie... Jeff now accepting Jessie is really him, others have trouble accepting Jeff and Jessie co-exist… Mom and Dr. Hunt support Jessie/Jeff in discovering what is true for Je...

After we are done shopping at the mall with Sis, neighbor Margaret and my friends Tami and April. Rachel takes Margaret home and she tells me to stay in the car. “You might have forgotten your appointment with Dr. Hunt but Mom told me not too.” She’s right I had forgotten about my appointment.

We were going to be early so Rachel decides to stop at a sporting goods store across the road and down some. It wasn’t until we were inside that Rachel says, “Mom wants you to get a softball glove and stuff. She’s asked me to practice with you for this summer, in case you’re thinking of being Jessie twenty-four seven. Mom says you’re not getting enough exercise, especially to keep your girlish figure," she giggles.

“Mom thinks, I have a girlish figure?”

Rachel says, “Probably but I added the last part. Yes, I think you have a girlish figure.” We are in the store as she says it. A salesperson hears us and she agrees, “Yes, you have a nice girlish figure. I agree you should work to keep it that way.”

She followed us over to the softball gloves and bats. Rachel tells her, “She’s been a tomboy playing regular baseball and our mother wants her to play softball.”

Lisa the saleswoman says, “Dear, now that your breasts are developing I think your mother is trying to protect you. I know a softball could still hurt, but I agree with your mother. Softball provides good exercise and this way you will be able to compete in high school. Will you be entering high school next year?”

Jessie is pleased that Lisa thinks she is a year older. Jessie turns to Rachel, “Is she right that it would hurt getting hit on the nipples?”

Rachel smiles saying, “Yes, little sis, you want to limit that possibility as much as possible.” I am looking at different gloves and deciding which one I preferred. We chose a good size glove, got two softballs and a bat and baseball cap. Rachel finally pays for things. We were to Dr. Hunt’s with minutes to spare.

The girl who bothered me two weeks ago is back and asking questions, but I am now comfortable visiting with her. She tells me as she goes in for her appointment, “My name is Nancy.”

“Thanks, Nancy, I’m Jessie. I hope to see you again.” We smile and I know I have made a new friend.

It is only a few minutes and the nurse calls out for “Jeff!” before she looked up. Seeking to save me from embarrassment she says, “Seeing Jeff is not here, Jessie would you be ready to come back and see the doctor?”

I’m brought back to visit with Dr. Beth and the nurse apologizes, “I am sorry but I thought on Tuesday appointments, it was to be Jeff who came. May I say, you are very pretty today, I am especially envious of your tropical tan?”

Dr. Beth welcomed me, “I received an email note from your mother that you did quite well as Jessie on your trip. She wondered out loud if it will put you at a crossroads of sorts this summer.” Beth has me sit down and begins by asking, “She thought you were coming today as Jeff. Does your coming as Jessie have a special significance that I should make note of?”

I giggle softly, “It means, I forgot about my appointment and was having a time out as Jessie before I change back to being Jeff. Luckily Rachel remembered and so she brought me after we went shopping. Did Mom tell you she was planning on me as Jessie, to be playing softball this summer? She hadn’t told me but we just bought me a softball glove and stuff, before we got here. The saleswoman told me a softball hitting one’s boobs hurts enough, that I wouldn’t want to be hit by a line drive with a hardball. I’ve been learning there’s a lot to learn about being a girl. I decided during the trip, I need to see myself as a younger teen and not try to grow up too fast. Unfortunately, I’m one who learns a lot by experience; es[ecially when I see it as something important to me.”

Dr. Beth encouraged me to say more, I wish she wouldn’t do that and would ask questions straight out. I tell her, “I like the attention I was getting from some guys like Tad and then some guys two to five years older took interest in me. Even Tad wanted to push things faster than I wanted. I wasn’t sure what to do or how to handle it, because I kind of liked it as well.”

“I’ve begun taking some hormones for a short time. Though the doctor said any girly sensations I experienced it would be all in my head and not really happening. She’s right about one thing, I do feel like I’m different and I feel like it’s not just in my head.”

Beth asks, “Should we check you here to make sure?”

She’s surprised when I said, “No, I’d rather you didn’t.”

“Your doctor is probably right that your body isn’t reacting yet. That usually takes months, but I thought you would want to make sure,” she says. “If your body would be changing you should know and make an earlier appointment with her. When is your next appointment with Dr. Kim?”

I say, “It would be two weeks from yesterday. Part of me hopes I’m changing but I really don’t want to know.”

Dr. Beth says, “But Jessie, you should, it could make a difference. If you don’t I should tell your mother and father.”

I say, “But I thought what I do in here things are confidential and that you wouldn’t tell them without my permission.”

She says, “But you might be hurting yourself if it is left unchecked.”

I say, “It is not likely I’m hurting myself, you agree that Dr. Kim is very likely right. It makes me wonder what is confidential and what’s not. I’m being open to you because I trust you, that is very important.”

Dr. Beth smiles though not much, “Okay, I will not tell your parents but will you agree to tell me if you know your body changing?”

“Yes, I’ll tell you when we meet.” Dr. Beth stares at me, and I say, “Okay if it’s obvious my body is changing I will let you or Dr. Kim know before than okay?”

Dr. Hunt continues to suggest, “Do you think you’re closer to the place of deciding about being Jessie when summer comes with the possibility of being Jessie full time?”

I smile at the thought, “That would be neat though I don’t want to lose the possibility of being Jeff. They’re both me. I’ve been Jeff with the ability to enjoy being Jessie. Can’t I be Jessie and enjoy being Jeff when I want too?”

“That would be possible but you’re in that time of your life when that is harder to do without affecting your body in the long-term. There are things your body is likely to start doing if your male hormones kick in full force. There are also things your body might not do in the future if you take a testosterone blocker for a longer time.”

“If you’re wanting to develop as a young woman this summer. It would be a good time to do what we can. Sex reassignment surgery, however, won’t be a possibility yet.”

I speak up, “So even if I lean or decide toward becoming Jessie, Jeff’s going to continue to be part of me. I like that.”

Dr. Beth asks, “Tell me why you would prefer to be Jessie?”

“She is more naturally me. I think the next two months it will be harder for me to be Jeff, as long as I feel like being Jessie.” I pause, close my eyes and think. “I like the fragrances of a girl’s world, its colors, and creativity. Being Jeff is kind of drab, boy’s clothes don’t have the feel and flair of being a girl. Even when I don’t use perfume, smelling fresh is still more enjoyable as well as being around other girls. Jeff doesn’t fit in with as many people. Guy friends are more boring, we tend to hang around with each other instead of being friends and talking more. I learn about other girls from what they say. Guys can be friends without knowing much about each other.”

Even as I finish speaking Dr. Beth is writing. I'm sure she is hearing what I’m saying.

“Well young lady for a person who forgot you were having an appointment, you didn’t have trouble sharing thoughts. Are you comfortable waiting two weeks and coming as Jeff?”

“Yes, it was a good visit. It would probably be good for me to be here as Jeff in two weeks. I need to get my head back into school. I want to see Tami and April relate to me as Jeff and see if she likes me as much as Jessie.”

Beth asks, “You actually question if a friend will like you just because she knows about Jessie too?”

I say, “Besides studying, we haven’t done that much together apart from me being a Ken doll waiting to be made up and transformed into Barbie. It’s kind of fun being in a girl’s hands. I’d just like to kiss her as Jeff or do something else.” I’m ready to go and I don’t want to talk more. “Bye, my sister’s waiting, I better get going.”

I get out to the lobby and Mom is waiting along with Rachel. I look back at Dr. Hunt. She knows I’ll be uncomfortable with my Mom and her visiting at this point. She says, “Hi, Mrs. Preston. I hope we’ll have time to visit after her next appointment. We had a good session today.”

Mom smiles and says, “Rachel, we’ll meet you at the pizza place, Dad and Rob will meet us there. We’ll be right behind you.” Mom and I go to her car, Mom’s calm but I’m getting nervous. I’m afraid to go get pizza at our regular pizza place. I’m sure others will recognize me. We get in Mom’s Nissan Rogue and I’m slow in buckling up. Mom says, “Hurry up Jessie, we’re already behind Rachel in leaving.” She starts the engine and sees I’m not yet buckled in, “Do we have a problem? I thought you had a good appointment.”

I say, “Mom, I’m uneasy about going to our pizza place, I’m afraid people will recognize me.”

Mom takes her hands off the steering wheel and gives me her attention. “You decided not to dress as Jeff and went to the mall and your appointment Jessie. I thought you must have decided you were comfortable with people knowing who you are.”

“Mom, I was reasonably sure no one would recognize me. Margaret was there and Tami and April came. They already know me and nothing happened.” I’m still nervous and a bit upset as I’m sure Mom’s trying to make a point that I don’t think is really needed. I sure hope she won’t make me go eat pizza out and risk being discovered.

“I understand how you saw it and I’m glad you weren’t recognized by others. But this doesn’t just involve you. What if you were discovered and embarrassed, how do you think your sister would have felt as well as yourself and others involved. What if a problem developed and either at a hospital or with the police you needed to be identified?”

Mom continues, “Your father and I are here for you as your parents, but I don’t want something to be a surprise to either of us.” Sometimes I hate it when Mom makes sense and I feel like a klutz for being inconsiderate.

I humbly say, “Sorry Mom, I didn’t think it through. I just wanted to be Jessie back here at home.”

Mom touches me on the chin, “You’re still grounded for three weeks, and you knew you weren’t to be going any place. Even at home, you need permission to have someone over or to do anything special.”

“Mom, we just got back and I forgot.”

Mom looks at me, “Do you really expect me to believe that?”

“Mom, you should at least have reminded me, or warned me not to go out.”

She asks, “Do you want me to treat you like the little girl you’re acting like right now? Don’t answer, we need to get moving so we get home before the pizza gets cold.”

I say, “Thank goodness we’re not stopping to eat pizza out. …Mom, you had me worried, you did that on purpose!”

After the pizza, Mom helped me to remove my faux breasts and vagina gaff. My nipples and the flesh around them are a bit red and puffy when the forms are taken off. I’m feeling some excitement, but Mom says, “Dr. Kim said that could happen. We will need to check in the morning. With you having been wearing a bra since last Thursday. It could take a day or two for your body to revert back from how it was forced to gather.”

I was glad in a way to be back as Jeff, though it will take days for my hair to be back in Jeff mode. I don’t know how long for me to feel comfortable back in boy clothes. Mom laughs at me in the morning when she finds me sleeping in my teddy bear pajamas. “You know Jeff, your father would like you to go with him in two weekends to visit his parents and he’d like you to do so as Jeff. That includes when you sleep there.”

Mom wanted me up and dressed as Jeff before she and Dad go to work. Between my male parts having been in a gaff for five days and back to wearing boy briefs, I’m very sensitive to the change. I put on a pair of my jeans which do not have the feel or look of what I now like wearing. I don’t say anything, sure that if I do my sister will be awakened early to watch over me. Twice I am asked by my Mom to promise I will continue to be dressed and act as Jeff.

It is not fun as a thirteen-year-old boy to be watched over like a little kid. “Enough Mom get going and leave me alone.” Mom is out the door after 7:30 with just enough time to safely get to work on time. Typical for this guy on a day off, I’m back to bed. That is until 8:05 when Mom calls. “Jeff, get up and stay up.”

I wait until 9:00 to call my friend Luke and he agrees to come over at ten to play some games. I messed up my hair, but it is ten minutes into Luke’s visit that he begins commenting. “Jeff, I know you like the attention you’re getting from Tami, but geez you’re beginning to look too girly for a guy.”

I protest, “I’m not. I think it must have been all the sun and water during our time in Riviera Maya.”

He says, “Unless you were showering and shampooing with your sister’s stuff that doesn’t fly.”

I fibbed a bit, “Well I took a big bottle of shampoo that got take away by airport security.” By now the game playing is started and the conversation basically ended, except for the games. Come noon Luke went home for lunch and whatever he had going in the afternoon.

The rest of today and tomorrow are boring with the exception of a phone call that Tami wants to come over on Friday. Thursday late afternoon Rachel wants my help. “Jeff, I want to use you for a new eye-shadow combination I want to try.”

“But Mom doesn’t want me to be dressing as Jessie.”

Rachel says, “You don’t need to dress as Jessie, I just want to use your face. I would ask Tiffany or Margaret or another friend if they were available.” She grabs my arm and leads me off to her room. “Sit here and just cooperate.” She has me go to the bathroom to clean my face and pat it dry. Then she brushed my hair back to a feminine style.

She begins tweezing out a few eyebrow hairs, “Enough Rachel, Mom’s going to notice.”

Rachel giggles, “It’s the boys you should be worried about or girls getting jealous that your eyes look better than theirs. Tell me you don’t want to see a glimpse of Jessie in the mirror? It might even help give you some makeup ideas.”

I don’t respond as she’s right, I’m missing my Jessie time. Rachel had held out a peach and white outfit she plans to wear to a dance tomorrow night. The eyeshadow is to be peach going to a light yellow. We both liked the finished product but it took four tries to get the right combination. After she’s sure with me, I stay around pending her repeating the look on herself. Unfortunately it’s after 6:00 that evening when she does.

Dinner isn’t started, Mom’s coming through the door and my face is still in makeup. We aren’t sure if Mom’s really angry or just trying to act it. Luckily, Rachel spoke up for me, “Mother, it wasn’t Jeff’s fault, I made him act as my model, none of my girlfriends were around. How do you think my eyes and makeup look? I really like it.”

Mom looks and then looked at me, “It does look very pretty, just one thing though?”

Rachel and I both go quietly. “It takes away from the specialness of it if your brother is doing up his eyes like you at the same time.” Mom then puts Rachel and me to fixing dinner as she changes. It is six thirty when the doorbell rings and Mom answers it. I don’t hear what is being said, but I recognize Tami’s voice and go to see what’s up.

I’m surprised as Tami smiles and is on the edge of giggling as she sees me. Mom has a homemade pie in her hands, obviously a gift. Tami says, “Jessie’s makeup doesn’t quite work for Jeff unless it is me using you like a Barbie doll.”

“I’d actually like a chance to be just Jeff around you for a change,” I say.

“Well, actually it’s a little bit of both and I brought a peace offering for your mother. I was asking her if Darby Jacobs and I could come over and spend some time with you tomorrow. We’re going to a movie tomorrow night or Saturday with some others, boys and girls, not a date. We were hoping your Mom would let you go as Jeff, as well as let Darby and I come over during the day to do some baking. That part truthfully we are hoping could be with Jessie.”

I look to Mom to see what she’s going to say, “My Mom, Grandma Stephens, wants him over tomorrow or Saturday. I’ll need to check with her to make sure Saturday would be okay. I do have a little concern about Jeff being made up as Jessie and then trying to go out as Jeff. He’s just getting to look comfortable being Jeff again and being totally Jeff.”

Tami jokes, “If this is being totally Jeff, we could work with that.” Seriously Tami asks, “How did Jessie do on the trip? Did anyone figure out who she really was?”

Mom says, “If you can stay around until after dinner, we can talk then and show some pictures. Right now Jeff has to lose the makeup and we need to eat.”

Tami says, “I would like to, but I should really let you eat supper in peace.”

“Go, Jeff, take your face off. And Tami, I think you should stay around. There are some pictures of Jessie others won’t get to see, but I think you’d enjoy them.”

Mom and Rachel serve dinner and I’m finally ready as dinner is being served. Tami swears she can only eat a little but she is sitting at the table eating with us.

After dinner Mom has her laptop out with me sitting on one side and Tami on the other. I didn’t expect Mom to show pictures of me in my swimsuits, but Mom’s inhibitions are diminishing where she chooses. Tami asks at the end of the pictures, “Does this mean Jeff is seriously going to become Jessie sometime?”

Rachel had been looking over Mom’s shoulder and when Tami asked the last question. We could all hear the intake of Rachel’s breath. Everyone became quiet, waiting for Mom to speak. She said, “I was expecting that question. …Frankly, it’s early for any serious thought like that.”

Tami turns red and begins to apologize when Mom tells her she doesn’t have too. She does decide to leave, asking, “If Jeff could call me and tell me about tomorrow or Saturday, I’d appreciate that.”

Mom speaks up, “Plan that he has permission to do both, but no surprises or going behind my back.”

I walk Tami to the door and Mom has left the room so that we’re alone. Tami gently sweeps her fingers over my chest, touching my nipples. I flinch as she does. She says, “I thought so, what does your Mom say about those two buds on your chest?” When I remain quiet she says, “She knows doesn’t she?”

I say, “I’ve been told any reaction I feel is just in my head.”

Tami says, “You probably should ask your Mom to check again for herself. I don’t think things should be catching her by surprise.” Tami pauses until I acknowledge what she has said. “If you want me to see you like Jeff and be able to continue as your friend, you will do so.”

I am in full Jeff mode and while I hear her, I am leaning forward to give her a small kiss goodnight. Fireworks go off for me as we kiss. It isn’t much and yet it is very exciting as I open my eyes and Tami’s are still closed. “Thank you, Tami.”

She smiles, “Goodnight Jeff, remember I can’t date yet and I don’t want my Mom to know.”

I waited till morning and I had my next pill and then ask my Mom if she would come with me to my room. “Mom, I was wondering if I should have returned to normal by today. Tami noticed I still had two bumps on my chest last night.”

Mom has me sit on the edge of my bed and unbutton my shirt. I did but I also have on an undershirt. Mom giggled, “I doubt that your nipples are budding, as a young girl doesn’t usually go out of her way to cover them up.”

I turn away from my Mom as I’m a little uncomfortable revealing myself to her. I slowly turn around and Mom is quiet as she looks at me and then reaches and touches my nipples. “They are definitely still puffy. It has been more than a few years since your sister started to bud. I believe she wasn’t quite twelve.”

“Mom that’s a little more than I wanted to know about Rachel.” Actually, it reminded me I was a late bloomer, both as a girl and as Jeff. “They’re sensitive but that can be true even of boys. Would you like me to call Dr. Kim and get you an earlier appointment?”

Mom went to work and didn’t call me about the appointment until her break at 10:00 a.m. “Jeff, Dr. Stoults says it probably isn’t anything and she doesn’t have any open appointment times until Thursday at 4:30 and I had a conflict on my work calendar. So, we’d either need to see her during the lunch hour on Wednesday or we might as well wait until your next scheduled appointment.” Mom pauses, “The more I think about it; if it would be something I’d rather we see her on Wednesday. Are you okay with that?”

The doorbell begins to ring, which means Tami and Darby are probably here. “If you think so Mom, I’m willing.” Rob answers the door and yells to me, “Jeff, your harem is here.”

Rachel and I get there at the same time as thankfully Rob leaves to go to his friends. Darby giggles, “Soon to be a harem of five and no guys.”

I say, “My Mom was hoping that you’d be happy just giving Ken a Makeover.”

Tami, “That didn’t really look that good on Jeff the other day. Did your Mom really insist you couldn’t dress up?”

Rachel spoke up before me, “No, our Mom was pretty sure you and Jessie would all want her to dress up.” I give Rachel a stare, but she’s not phased, “Well, tell the girls no to even the makeup if you don’t want too.”

Tami whispers to me, “When you have your panties and skirt on please let me know.” I did and Tami knocked and came into my room. She giggles as she sees my bra on. “I’m sorry but that needs to come off for just a moment.” Once my bra was off she spreads a small dab of ointment on each nipple saying, “This is what my mother had me use when I was budding. It protects the nipples from itching or chaffing.”

My bra is soon back on and Tami wants Darby to help me choose the blouse I’m to wear. Darby asks me, “What do you have that is cute, but can withstand getting some flour on?”

I say, “We’ll have aprons.” Darby finds my long Mexican skirt and decides she would wear it. She finds a pretty yellow blouse that buttons down the front. I say, “I don’t like buttons down the front.”

Darby giggles, “Are you afraid one of us girls will look if it gaps. We’re not like horny boys.”

Once we’re in the kitchen Darby sets Tami and April to making chocolate pudding, sets me to making the crust and she has my Grandma’s recipe for making the whip-cream topping. I thought we were also to bake cookies, but the girls decide to help give me a makeover.

I speak up, “I can do my own makeup and hair thank you.”

Tami says, “Relax and be a naïve boy and let us have our fun.”

April pulls a toy gun of her brother out of her purse, “Sit down Jeff and don’t give us any trouble.” So the pretending begins. Rachel shows up now and then, laughs a little and talks to the other girls.

Whenever I spoke, I’m told, “Be quiet and don’t do any talking until we’re done and say you can talk.”

Tami chides me, “Jeff, you let one of the holes for your earrings begin to close. You shouldn't be so sloppy.”

“I wanted to go back to a single pair of earrings, it’s better for a boy.”

April already knew what Tami intended and came with a sterile needle, peroxide, and cotton. “Ouch, that hurts,” I say with Jessie’s voice. April says, “Then be sensitive to your girly side and keep them from growing closed.” I did not notice that they put in starters to keep them open. Thankfully the earrings were small loops, a little girly if one looked close enough. Thankfully, most of my guy friends wouldn’t.

The girls are nice enough with my hair to only give me a girl style ponytail with a nice wave to it. They give a nice sweep to my bangs but Darby decides to create long curls down each side. It might have been okay, but Tami said it won’t hold and Darby redoes both curls with a setting gel. Giving the curls thirty minutes to set, drying them with a hair blower did the trick. Even I like how they turn out.

It is twelve thirty by the time they’re finished with me and the pudding is ready to go in the pie shell. The whipping cream goes on the top and the pie is in the oven.

It is a nice spring day so we go out in the back yard for a moment to eat our sandwiches. Mrs. Doris Pori, my neighbor sees us and calls over, “Girls come over here please; I need to talk to the Preston girl.”

I whisper to Tami, “Tell her we have a pie in the oven and we need to check on it.” Tami does but Mrs. Pori is determined.

She asks, “What’s your name, Jeff?” Luckily I’m the first through the door. “Tami Johnson, isn’t it? Tell Jeff I’m coming over and I don’t want him changing clothes.”

I was standing in front of the oven door waiting with ten minutes before the pie is to come out. Tami and the others come into the kitchen and as they’re telling me what Mrs. Pori said the back doorbell rings. I ask them to let Mrs. Pori in as I call for Rachel.

Mrs. Pori comes in, smiles and says, “You’ve come and gone enough, you should have known I would have noticed. I understand, we have a relatively much older and I’m sensitive to this as it was much more difficult for her growing up and being accepted as an adult.” We sit down and talk. Darby with my help gets the pie out and safely set on the counter to cool.

Mrs. Pori says, “Even now you are lucky to have friends like these who are supportive.” She reaches in a skirt pocket and pulls out a locket and chain. "It has a cameo on it that opens for a picture to be placed inside. I would like you to take it if you’d like it. All the girls had them when I was growing up.”

Mrs. Pori asks me, “Were you the girl about three years ago who ran outside and hid when you were about eight?”

“That was six years ago and I am thirteen now? I had to hide from my brother until he went to play with friends. I heard you yell to me, but I wasn’t about to answer and say who I was.” My sister, the three girls, and Mrs. Pori were laughing until two go running to the toilet for having laughed so much.

We’re still talking when Rob returns with his friend Jacob. I was again embarrassed to be seen by a boy, though Jake had seen me before. Jake stopped to talk to us, though Rob had asked him to go upstairs with him. Rachel teases him saying, “Are too many pretty young girls distracting you, Jake?” The girls, as well as Jake, are embarrassed. I’m feeling okay until, Rachel says, “That goes for you too little sister.”

Mrs. Pori says, “Rachel, I think you like having a little sister to tease. I do ask though that you stop there.”

Jake sees the locket and says, “When you get a boyfriend or a girlfriend you can put something small of theirs and keep it close to your heart.” Darby smiles, “I like a boy who's a bit of a romantic.”

Tami teases, “Darby you might ask if he’ll go out with us tonight.” Darby goes quiet and April speaks up, “Jacob we're going to a seven-thirty movie at the theatres on the highway.”

He says, “Am I really invited? How about Rob?” Thankfully Rachel speaks up, “Jeff’s going and I don’t think Jessie would like a big brother with him.” I mouth thanks to Rachel.

It is now four when the girls leave to get ready for tonight, Mom is home and I need to transform myself back to being Jeff. My makeup comes off easy enough and I double check to make sure all of it is off. I shower and use Rob and my shampoo twice but my hair is having a problem in losing the curls on the sides and the wave in the back.

Mom is pretty smart as she sends me out to run a mile and has me rake leaves leftover from winter. I am sweaty and grimy. The next shower and time of cleaning my hair works. “Thanks, Mom!” I also thanked her for setting up my appointment with Dr. Stoults.

"I hear Jessie and the girls had a visit with Mrs. Pori as well as a short visit with Jake. Rachel says you came out smelling like a rose again. She said that Mrs. Pori even gave you a locket. You’re lucky Mrs. Pori has been nice to your sister a number of times. I think Rachel’s a little upset with the idea of sharing Mrs. Pori.”

Having been confined to my home since Tuesday, I’m happy to be out and excited as I expect to be with Tami as Jeff. I’m leaving the house when I receive a call from Tami. April has received a call and they’re invited to a dance. It isn’t going to change their minds, but I spoke up anyway. “Tami that stinks you’re not coming, of the two things today this is what I looked forward to!” I hang up.

Rachel says, “Sorry Jeff, do you still want me to take you up to the movie?” Part of me didn’t want to, but I wasn’t staying home. Besides Darby would be there, we should have a good time. Rachel left me off at the theatres and drove away before I see Jake is already there with Darby. Luke was there but he too was matching up with his girlfriend from school. Other movies I might have gone to are already started.

I’m just about ready to walk out of the theatres and go to an ice cream joint several hundred yards down the highway. It wouldn’t be the smartest thing I ever did but I didn’t care. I was going to use a side exit when my name is called by someone entering the theatre. “Jeff don’t go, I’m here!” Tami says she had yelled three times before I heard her. It’s Tami and I couldn’t have been happier. We both ran to the other and hug as we meet. Tami says in my ear, “I’ve not been a good friend to you. I decided after you hung up I couldn’t do it to you again.”

I’m very happy to see her, but I had to ask, “Why didn’t you call me back and say you were coming?”

She says, “I had to convince Jennifer to give me a ride and then I needed to call April saying I wasn’t going with her. She didn’t take that well and by the time I finished talking to her. Well, I was here.” Luckily we quickly get our movie tickets and a diet cola to share. The theatre is dark and it’s hard to see who’s sitting where. Tami whispers, “Quit looking for the others, we’re together.”

I don’t know how many times I’ve dreamed about being alone with any girl, let alone with Tami. And now I’m freezing up, not knowing what to say or do. My mind has a slow recording playing, ‘Remember you’re not to treat this as a date.’ It was my mother’s voice, I even turned around to make sure she isn’t there.

Tami says, “What are you doing?” I giggle like Jessie but it’s my voice, “I heard my Mom’s voice reminding me, I’m not to treat this as a date. I’m so glad you’re here but it’s like I don’t know what to do.”

She giggles, “Me neither, I think we should just start by watching the movie.” We grab hands and gently squeeze.

Fifteen minutes into the movie and I would generally have finished my drink and eaten a big container of popcorn. Tonight it’s two sips of the drink and I can’t remember more than five minutes of the movie. I’m looking at Tami, letting go of her hand and taking all night to get my arm around her. I sniff her hair, and even without the lights, I’m admiring how she looks.

Tami turns to me and is probably ready to say something when I hurry and kiss her. It is a quick kiss on the lips and I’m already apologizing. “Shush Jeff, don’t apologize, I liked it.” She puts a finger over my lips. I’m not sure if it means ‘don’t talk or not to kiss her again.’

Her hand and fingers go across my chest. “Your shirt buttons wrong... I guess, it is alright. …Sorry, I’m kissing Jeff but I couldn’t help but check.”

“Jeff, I hope you’re not offended but there is something neat about you being like a girl.” With that, she leans and gives me a kiss. It is obvious we’re young teens and Tami is almost as inexperienced as me. The movie is soon over, though I thought it was hardly half over. We find Jake and Darby after we get out and the four of us go to get pizza. We looked for Luke and Monica but never found them.

I understood why but it felt strange that Darby and Tami were both looking for remnants of makeup I didn’t get off or curls in my hair they were sure would be there. I finally said, “Are you disappointed?”

Darby said, “We weren’t looking for makeup.” And Tami echoed, “Nor were we checking your hair.” Jake laughs saying, “Jeff didn’t mention either of those things.”

I grin and said, “Thanks, Jacob.”

He says, “I kind of owed you.” We couldn’t stay and enjoy ourselves as Jake promised to take Darby home. He dropped us off first and I walked home from the Johnson’s.

The following day I go to my grandparents Stephens. I think Grandma is a little disappointed her granddaughter Jessie hadn’t come. I did take my new softball glove as I told Darby I would. Most of Saturday I visited with both grandparents more with Grandma. Grandma and I visited, even more, when Darby finally came over.

Grandma had promised to take Darby to get her a new blouse or skirt for her birthday. Which would be the coming week. I go with them and we’re going through the second women’s apparel store when a sales girl of college age spoke up. “She’s lucky to have a boyfriend who takes enough interest to shop with her. You even seem to know women’s fashions.”

Darby blushes, “He’s just a friend.”

The saleswoman asked me, “How was it you have such an eye for women’s fashions and know what would look good on your friend? You’ve helped pick out four pieces and they were all good.”

I’m now blushing and not sure what to say. I catch her looking at my hands and I suspect she notices my fingernails are shaped too well for most boys. She is nice enough not to say anything and changes the conversation.

Darby goes to try on a skirt and blouse, both should be very attractive for her to wear. Grandma whispers in my ear, “You could probably try on that light knit sweater. I don’t think you would surprise that salesperson.”

I laugh back, “If I had two buds pushing out the sweater, I think she would.” Grandma laughed out loud and we couldn’t explain when others asked, why?

Story to be continued…

By Jessica C

Things started with Jeff turning 13 years old, dressing in his sister’s clothes and makeup; he didn’t expect to be caught… The discovery of him cross-dressing begins the blossoming of Jessie... Jeff now accepts Jessie as him, others have trouble accepting Jeff and Jessie co-exist… Mom and Dr. Hunt support Jessie/Jeff in discovering what is true for Je...

Jeff had a good time at Grandma Stephens’ even going to church the following day as Jeff. He watched some baseball with his Grandfather and even had fun in his woodshop. The best thing was now having Darby as a special friend. It wasn’t the same as his friendship with Tami. He was comfortable just being a friend of Darby. A girl who knew and could talk to Jessie whether she was dressed as such or not.

Darby might have liked Jessie or Jeff more except her brother likes Jessie too. She sees that as a conflict she does not want.

School the next two days was fine and Jeff was back into his routine. His Mom even allowed him to go to Tami’s for their study time together. Jeff isn’t to change into one of Jennifer’s old blouses and skirts, but on Tuesday he did. It wasn’t his idea, but Tami’s sister Jennifer. Jeff didn’t ask for Jennifer to make up his face, but he didn’t complain either. This time it was the tell-tale signs of blush they missed that gave him away at home.

Today he’s to get out of school at 11:30 for his appointment with Dr. Kim Stoults but it would be different there. He would appear as Jeff at the women’s clinic. Once there, one woman talks to his Mom, “I would be too embarrassed to bring one of my boys here when I had my appointment. Then again, I commend you, your son is well-behaved.”

Luckily my appointment is for when the other patients are finished seeing the doctors for the morning. I’m caught off guard by several of the clients coming out of their appointments. I'm looking at Cosmopolitan and Teen Girl as they come out. One person coming out is a high school girl. She gave me a second look when the nurse called us back, “Jeff, the doctor will see you now.”

With a sweatshirt on, things were not noticeable.

During my exam, the eyes of Dr. Stoults gave it away that my nipples and the puffiness around them are not normal for a boy. Dr. Stoults is straightforward in asking, “Jeff, it appears you have been taking other medication. What have you been taking? Mrs. Preston, have you been allowing him to take something?”

Caught off guard, Mom is the first to answer, “No!” I also say, ‘No’, but with hesitation.

Dr. Kim speaks as I’m worried that she doesn’t believe me. “Relax Jeff, I apologize, but I thought professionally I at least needed to challenge you, in case I could be wrong. Your blood tests that came back from the last time show you are mildly weak in producing testosterone and your body produces slightly more of the female hormones on its own for a normal teenage boy your age. It is unusual for a teenage boy to develop breasts for a short time because of a hormonal imbalance. It happens to more males sometime in their life and more often with teenage boys than any other time.”

“We have had you on the change of medicines long enough to know your body will not adversely react to it if we implement a program of it this summer. That will be for you and your parents to decide along with consulting Dr. Hunt.”

She asks, “Do you have a better idea from your time away, about what you’d like to do?”

I look to Mom as we had talked about it last night. I say, “We’re thinking if everything remains the same, I want to start being Jessie full-time.” Mom speaks up, “We haven’t talked to Dr. Hunt yet, but I think it will include when Jessica goes to school as an eighth-grader. If you are comfortable with her, she’d like you to be her doctor.”

I say, “Dr. Kim is there a way I can continue as Jeff as well? I know I can’t have surgery until I’m eighteen and I feel like I’m Jeff as well as Jessie.”

Dr. Kim says, “You're right that the surgery to help you become more fully female will need to wait until you’re eighteen. Regarding my being your doctor, I will be pleased to. I'll understand if you change to a doctor specializing in this type of change.”

I told my Mom about a blouse I had seen while Grandma shopped with Darby for her birthday. The store isn’t out of our way and if we eat, I’d be getting back to school too late to mean much. Mom says, “Remember you’re still grounded through the weekend. And I’m not real comfortable about more people knowing about you yet.”

Mom knows the store saying she helps her mom shop there at Christmas time for her nieces. I joked, “I don’t remember Grandma getting me anything from here.”

We’re soon in the store and the young woman who served Darby is the only salesperson there. We walk over to the rack of light sweater blouses. I have my Mom pull out a pretty pink one that I like. Mom whispers, “All the skirts you have that would go with this are for winter weather. You’d need something to wear with it for spring and cool summer evenings.”

The saleswoman is some distance away as she says, “We have some pretty spring skirts over here and you’d be welcome to use the changing room.” Mom looks up and says, “Thank you, but I wasn’t going to buy anything today. If we get the sweater, a skirt will also be needed. You know how that is.”

“May I introduce myself, I’m Patti and if you would change your mind, I could offer you a fifteen percent discount on both or all items. May I ask, ‘Are you a tomboy or…” her voice fades away.

Mom looks to me to speak or not. I am not sure what to do, except if I speak up, I’m thinking Mom might buy me a sweater and a skirt. It would be my first lightweight girl’s sweater. Unintentionally I whisper, “I’m TG.” Mom urges me to speak up and tell her my name. “I’m transgender and my name is Jessie. If we’re alone I’d like to find a skirt and try things on.”

Patti says, “We have that time up to school letting out.” There is no shortage of skirts that could work with the blouse. I pick a bright green and another light blue and white skirt. I am walking to the changing room when my Mom hands me a white blouse and the same sweater a size larger.

She says, “This type of sweater is often worn with a blouse underneath it. Try it both ways.”

I go into the changing room dressed as Jeff, but feeling like I'm a very lucky girl. I hear Mom and Patti talking. “She is very fortunate to have a mom like you. We occasionally have boys like him come into the store cowering about what he’d like to do. I don’t like second-guessing parents but it saddens my heart to see a boy so driven while feeling so afraid or ashamed.” It does remind me how lucky I probably am.

Mom handed me a small pouch with a panty and feminine shield before I went into the changing room. I’m sure it is regular for her or Rachel. I’m thankful for it but I now wish I had a bra as well. I like the blouse with the sweater, but I like the plain sweater even more. The skirts are a toss-up so I wear the sweater and the blue and white skirt first. I go out to show Mom and Patti. I have two small buds where my nipples are. Patti smiles and I become comfortable.

I change to the green skirt and it becomes obvious that the first skirt looks better on me as part of the outfit. I am glad when Mom decides she’ll buy me the skirt, blouse, and sweater. I change back to Jeff and as we’re checking out I see Mom’s buying a white sweater with a peach satin blouse. Mom says, “Patti and I decided the skirt needs another combination.”

We stop over at Grandma Stephens’ as Mom wants to visit. I’m also to show her my new outfit. Thankfully I search through the clothes Rachel has left there. I found a pretty bra and some shoes that I change into along with the outfit. Coming back out to Grandma, I pass by Grandpa shaking his head. “Jeff, I see more of Jessie each time you’re here.”

“Are you mad at me for that Grandpa,” I ask.

He says, “Just don’t want to see you as only being Grandma’s child. I might not take you shopping but there are other things we can do together.”

I give him a hug and a kiss. He says, “I take that to mean you agree with me. Now go show off your pretty outfit to Grandma.”

As I get to the dining room where they are, there’s a knock and I know it is Darby coming in by her voice. It’s too late to hide by the time I see her Mom is with her. Darby’s wide eyes tell me she is surprised. “Jessie/Jeff, I didn’t expect you to be here.”

Mrs. Jacobs says, “I apologize for interrupting you when you have guests. We just wanted to come over and show off Darby’s outfit and give you this ‘Thank you’.” Grandma welcomes them in, puts on the tea and we all sit around the dining room table.

Mrs. Jacobs says, “I also want to thank you, Grandma, for helping Darby to learn to bake. Everyone at our house is glad she’s becoming a good baker. And I take it, this is the Granddaughter Jessie I’ve been hearing about. I don’t quite understand but I can see why Matt as well as Darby like her so much.”

Mom murmurs, “What are you hearing about Jessie?” I’m not sure if Mom meant to say that and be heard.

“I’m Annette Jacobs, Darby, and Matt’s mother. I’ve been hearing of Grandma’s grandchildren. Recently I heard about Jessie and I had heard of Jeff and something told me they were unusually related. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I’m seeing Jessie without her makeup yet a beautiful complexion.”

Mom says, “Yes, Jeff’s my third child and is now wrestling with who he/she is. Dressed up as she is we usually call her Jessie, either way, a pretty neat person. We just stopped by my Mom’s on our way home.”

Mrs. Jacobs says, “I see. Jessie, can I ask if you picked out this cute outfit or your mother?”

Darby interrupts, “Mom she has a pretty good eye for fashion, don’t be surprised if she did.”

I say, “Yes Mrs. Jacobs, I saw the sweater yesterday and showed it to my Mom today. She bought both the sweater and skirt.” I could tell Mrs. Jacobs was wondering about my wearing a bra, but I changed the subject. “Darby, your outfit even looks better with your hair and makeup like they are today.”

It is nice to be back at school being Jeff while daydreaming about being Jessie. Today, Luke joked about me becoming too girly again. I finally dared to say, “So, what would you say if I became a girl?”

Luke quietly stared at me; Andy, a friend nearby also gave his attention. Finally, Luke says, “Are you serious or just jerking me around? Tell me you’re not queer?”

“No, I’m not a homosexual, but what if I were or if I see myself as a girl?”

Andy’s comment surprised me, “Being a girl, wouldn’t make him gay, it would mean he sees himself as transgender or a cross-dresser.”

I ask Andy, “How do you know that?”

“I’ve been noticing you, and I went online. You don’t notice me much but I’m more of a friend than you know.”

I feel both happy and angry. I’m not wanting to get into a conversation there, nor do I want to ignore it.

Luke says, “Eew, is that true? It was sick enough that you’d act like a girl for Tami.”

Andy asks, “Do you see yourself just wanting to dress like a girl or wanting to be one?”

“I didn’t admit to either,” I said.

Luke begins to walk away, Andy says to Luke, “What kind of friend are you?” He turns to me, “He’s probably wondering if he ever really knew you. I kind of wonder that, but I’m not walking away. I always wanted to be more of a friend. I’m sorry if I spoke up when I shouldn’t have.”

I say, “Since I’ve become close to Tami, I’ve kind of found myself. I probably would have freaked out a bit if it were one of you. You’re right that I saw you more as Dan Roberts and Ian’s friend. Like me, I saw you as one of us in the background. I know you’ve tried to be a good friend sometimes, but I never figured out why.”

He says, “You’re a good team player and just one of the guys. Neither of us has been overly popular. Like me, you’re a friend to a lot of people not just in our group. I originally thought that is how you identified with Tami. You know, April was pissed off with you for a while? You kind of came between her and Tami. She seems to like you more now.”

He’s no longer asking, but I relax and say, “Yes to what you asked, I’m transgender, but I see myself as both Jeff and Jessie.”

“Jessie that’s neat, I can see how that easily fits. Are you outing yourself or wasn’t this planned? What do other guys think?”

“I didn’t plan it,” I say. “I’m just tired of Luke’s comments about me being too girly. I wanted to push back and see his reaction. It’s kind of what I’m afraid of.”

It is now time to move to class, Andy says, “I’m still interested in being friends.”

Come, our last class, I see Luke again and ask, “So are we still friends?”

He says, “Probably, I’m not sure. I don’t want the grief of being a friend if it’s guilt by association or fighting with you.

Tami asks later as we’re walking to her place, “What’s with you and Luke?”

“He knows about me a little and he’s not liking it much.” Study time went well.

Tami asks, “Are you beginning to tell people about being Jessie, I thought your Mom said it was too early?”

“I didn’t quite plan it, but it might not be long before I do.”

Tami says, “If you’re going to tell people it might be good to let your family and friends know what you’re doing. Your family has been good, I don’t think they want to hear you’ve been hurt or…”

“I get it, I should tell them.” I so want to be Jessie at the moment. I know I am but yet I feel more comfortable in her skin when I am dressed as such.

When I got home, I quickly changed and dressed as Jessie. Mom asked when she saw me, “Where do you think you’re going? I don’t hear you asking for permission.”

“Mom it’s not like that, I want to talk to you and I want to do it as Jessie. It’s nothing bad but Tami says I need to be open and up-front with you.”

Mom sits in the kitchen, “What would you like to talk about Jessie?”

“Luke gave me one of those comments that I was going so far in being girly that I was becoming one. I inferred, ‘So what if I did? Luke thought the idea was gross and soon walked off suggesting I was telling him I was gay. He was a bit more derogatory, but you understand. Well, Andy heard our conversation and picked up I was talking about being TG or a cross-dresser.”

Mom says, “Andy, he’s one of the guys in your group, but I thought you and him weren’t that close.”

“We’re not Mom, at least I hadn’t thought we were. Then again as Andy put it, we’re kind of similar in a lot of ways. He’s right we’re more like team players and friends to people inside and outside of our group. I didn’t pay attention to him like a lot of people don’t with me.”

Mom says, “A lot of people I know notice you and they think well of you.”

“I hear you Mom, but that’s with adults. Don’t worry, I’m not putting myself down.” I change the inflection of my voice, “Mom, what’s important here is Andy now knows and I think before the end of the school year more will figure it out or know from me. As Tami said, ‘I need to talk to you and Dad, and then Rachel and Rob.’ None of you should be surprised by friends or others knowing without you knowing.” I shake my head, not sure how clearly I’m saying things. “Does that make sense Mom?”

She says, “I know what you’re saying and yes we should talk about it.” She asks, “Is it something you want to be doing this coming week before school’s out or what?” Mom moves to sit next to me and puts an arm around me. “We should make sure this is what you want because it will be harder to change your mind later if you decide later that you’re Jeff.”

I’m surprised by Mom's statement I ask, “Do you wonder if I’m going to change my mind?”

“I don’t see that happening but I do want to be supportive of you and if you change your mind, I will support you through that too.”

Mom calls to Dad, “Roger, would you come in here and be part of our discussion?” Dad comes in asking what we are doing for supper and Mom says, “Sit we’ll get to that but first Jessie needs to talk with us. One or two of Jeff’s guy friends know about his girl side. He thinks the times coming up when more people are going to know. He’s wondering about opening up about it and wants us to know.”

Dad jokes and becomes a little sarcastic, “We usually know after something happens, why the change?”

I’m more than a little scared, “I’m sorry, I’ve done things without thinking or telling you. But, I’m trying to change. I thought I should be open to you. I’m trying to grow up in how I handle things. I’ve hidden this part of me and well it’s not easy.”

“Hey Sport, I understand,” Dad says. “I appreciate being brought in on this. I know you tend to be closer to your Mom, but I’m here for you too… What are we talking about this week, this summer, or between now and then?”

“I think sometime before school ends. I want it to be me sharing and not others hearing about it from others. I want to talk to Dr. Hunt and maybe she and our family get together. Maybe even have Mrs. Carol Coulter, from the county LGBT board meet with us.”

Mom says, “Let’s talk now, get together with your sister and brother, and then with Dr. Hunt and we can go from there.”

“My friends Luke and Andy found out today. Luke thinks I’m becoming a sissy and Andy seemed to understand I'm transgender and is more accepting. It kind of surprised me who did what. I thought Luke was my closest friend. Andy thinks Luke might come around.”

We talked another twenty minutes when Dad said, “Enough for tonight, I’m hungry and we need to eat. Rob and Rachel have already gone out for the night.

Dad says, “You two girls dress up a bit and we’ll go get something to eat.” I hesitate, kind of humming to myself. “Don’t worry we’ll go far enough away. It will be no problem.” He turns to Mom, “You wouldn’t mind going to the Hideaway would you?”

Mom turns to me, “Don’t dress up too much but this is a very nice place. You might want to wear something nice and something you can dance in as well.” Mom followed me upstairs to my room and went directly to the closet. The way she’s searching indicates she has an idea of what she’s looking for. “Here,” she said, handing me a nice long-sleeved dress that looked to be a dark blue satin. It belonged to my sister and as I took it I prayed for it to fit, it is that nice.

It took a good hour to get there, but Dad swore it was a good nightspot and the food was worth waiting for. Mom complimented me on how the dress fits and how it looks on me. Mom said, “I thought you wanted to slow down and be a young teen. Tonight you’ve added a sultry look with your use of the eyeliner.”

Part of me took that as a compliment asking, “Why how old does it make me look?”

Dad stopped at a traffic light and turned around, “You look older than you are. You better behave or we’ll leave there early. I would like to enjoy some time dancing with your mother as well as our visit.”

Since we were not yet on a highway, I said, “Why don’t you just take me back home and go without me?”

Dad said, “No, you’re going. We’ve been planning this for weeks and other couples will be there. Your mother called and the Howards are now bringing their daughter who’s your age.”

Mom says, “It should be interesting, both the Howards and the Millers know you to be our son. Sharon Howard and Martha Miller were both at my bridal party when we got married. I told both Sharon and Martha, you’re coming as my daughter. I think they thought I was joking.”

We turned from the highway onto a winding road and then turned into a place that looked like an old mansion, the sign said, ‘Capone’s Hideaway’. I asked my parents, “Was there someone named Capone?” Dad said, “Dah! I hope you’re just kidding me.”

Mom says, “Hush, they don’t talk about gangsters in history.” She says to me, “He was a big-time gangster. Supposedly, this was one of his hideaways away from Chicago.”

We’re no sooner through the door and I heard a woman begin to speak, “Wow, lookit here, she wasn’t kidding. My young woman, hug me and say hello to your Aunt Sharon.” She gives me two air kisses and then a big hug. I look over her shoulder to an attractive girl a little older than me. I suspect it’s her daughter as she’s smiling at us.

Sharon says, “Jeff… Jessie, do you remember my daughter Debra?” Sharon steps back so her daughter and I can say hello.

“Jess is it,” Debra asks. “Mom says we met before but I don’t remember meeting you.”

I ask, “Do you remember meeting Jeff, he’s my age too. If you do, I’m him.” Debra lifts one of my hands in hers as she walks around me, taking in what I said.

She asks, “Is this a punishment or your choice? …Come to the table we’ll sit next to each other so we can visit.” She takes me willfully by the hand, I’ve already decided I like her. We sit down as she quickly asks again, “So punishment, or choice? I think it’s your choice, nothing looks forced. Did you do your makeup? I’m pretty sure your mother did not do up your eyes like this.”

She continues, “It’s not only your perfume, but you also smell like a girl with no sign of a boy.” Finally, she pauses and waits for me to answer. Martha and Dean Miller are here and the adults and seeking to sit around the table.

Martha pushes her way to sit next to me. Mom sits next to her. Martha says, “I can’t say I approve, but then again I just want to be here and find out how a boy does dressing up as a girl. Can I hear you speak, Jeff?”

“The name’s Jessie if you please, or we two are sitting at a separate table.”

“O’ so cute, and you’re passing yourself off as a ‘hottie’ of 16.” I’m quickly up and Debra’s with me. Martha takes offense, but that is okay with me. The waiter helps us to find a small table for two, saying. “Teens aren’t usually sitting this far off by themselves. Please help me not to regret this.”

Debra says, “Please know it is better than if we remained there.” He smiled, having already understood. Debra says, to Jessie, “Aunt Martha is lucky I wasn’t sitting next to her I would have accidentally spilled my water on her.”

I said, “So she doesn’t know how to talk to people like me. I’ve been fortunate, I haven’t received too many insensitive remarks.”

Mom soon drags a chair to our table, “I’m sorry for Martha’s insensitive remark. I am sure she will apologize once we can get it through her thick head how insensitive she was.”

“Thanks, Mom, but why are you sitting over here?”

“I’m afraid of what I might say to my longtime friend until I cool down.” I start to giggle and then stop myself. Mom says, “You don’t have to stop your laugh. You need to know I am very proud of you. I never thought one of my friends would be like this. I thought we were all more astute than that.”

Mom looks to Debra, “Was Martha... I like that you two get along. It is good to see you again Debra?”

I look at Debra, and she looks at me and says, “Not you but my Mom must not have told you.” …She, Debra, turns to me, “Jess, I came out as a lesbian on my fifteenth birthday in January. The biggest thing that surprised me today is you look as old as I am.”

She continues as though mom wasn’t there, or maybe she said it to shock her; “I was afraid you’d look like a thirteen-year-old dorky boy trying to be a girl. Now, I’m hoping we can have some fun.”

“Mom, I hope you cooled down enough to go back to the others.”

After we ate Debra asked me, “Have you ever thought about coming up to our county’s LGBT meetings? It is not unusual for some people to go to a group in nearby counties. Many feel safer that way, especially early on.”

I asked, “Has a Johnny Hammonds or someone like me as Bree come there from our county?”

Debra says, “Are you trying to compete in the Martha look-a-like contest? You should know better than to ask about someone else!”

“Sorry, but I’ve never been to any group stuff yet. There’s a transgender girl like me but she’s known of herself longer. I’d just like to talk to her or have someone to talk to. I know I’m not the only person like me, but I feel like I am.”

Deb had been listening and talking a lot about me. We began talking about her. I finally asked, “So what did Martha say to you when she found out?”

“Martha said, I couldn’t be a lesbian because I didn’t look butch like a dike and I was too pretty for one of them to be attracted to me.”

“And?”

“And I hugged and kissed Gina who was there. She wasn’t my girlfriend at the time but she played along to shock Martha.” Hearing that Debra had kissed her friend Gina. I became a little nervous and I guess it showed. “Don’t worry Jess, I don’t kiss or pursue everything in a skirt. I won’t say in time I wouldn’t be interested in you, but I see us just as friends.”

“I’m sorry that was probably silly of me,” I say.

She says, “It’s not silly, but you should be seeing people in terms of friends and them seeing you the same way. I for one would want you to know who you are. Even if I would suggest a date or doing something together still relax. I’ve never thought about being with a T-girl, but I guess if I did you might be my type. You have the making of a total person in my book.”

It was late in the night when Martha finally sought me out and apologized. As Deb and I talked, I accepted her apology, but I would wait to measure her sincerity.

On the way home, I talked to Mom about going to an LGBT group. “Do you think Dr. Hunt would let Deb go to one of her group meetings at the University over at Whitewater?”

“Jessie, if you’re open to going to a support or community group, first decide and go for yourself. Debra probably has things she’s doing. If you would be interested in going to one of those, we’d see what we can do. Dr. Beth’s group at Whitewater might be a good thing for you if it’s open to young teens.”

When we got home late it was one of those nights I wished I wasn’t being a girl with makeup and skin to care for. I was taking my makeup off and cleansing my skin when Rachel came up to visit me. She said, “What would you say to put on something as Jessie and being with me tonight? I would like to get familiar with having a younger sister.”

I said, “But my breast forms aren’t secure.”

She smiles and jokes, “Your budding little nipples haven’t fallen off or died yet have they? Breast forms are way over-rated.”

“Thanks, Sis, I’d like that.”

“Mom says, you saw Debra tonight and encountered Martha to both you and Mom’s embarrassment. Debra’s neat and you’re going to encounter awkward moments with people like Martha. I told Mom to relax concerning you, she can’t protect her baby from life all the time. I think she has and will talk to Martha more. I suspect Martha might mature someday, but one does not want to hold their breath until then.”

It was nice having Rach there as she complimented how well I’m doing things as Jessie. I went to change into some teddy bear PJs and she went downstairs to take a quick shower and change for bed. I didn’t mean to rush or embarrass her but she welcomed me into the room while she still was wrapped in a large towel. “Relax Jessie, I’ll ask you to turn away in a moment, but I also want to become comfortable with you. I am what you’re becoming that’s how it is with sisters.

Rachel turns away from me as she loosens the towel around her and finishes drying. She did grab something from her night table and shortly after disposed of something in her trash. Her nightie is sheer and doesn’t hide much when she turns around and sits across from me.

“So little sis, are you sure you would like to grow up like me?”

“Don’t tease me, you know I can’t be as pretty and real as you?” Rachel steps over and takes my hand and takes me in front of her full-length mirror. She asks, “Can you say you’re not like me?” I have trouble not smiling, not wanting to admit we’re alike. ‘Why am I resisting it? I guess I don’t want to be disappointed when I wake up and this dream is over.’ Part of me is still afraid to believe this is true.

Rachel steps behind me and then reaches around cupping my breasts. “You’re still taking the medicine for these girls aren’t you?” Warmth and tingling are originating at my nipples.

I say, “No, why would you say that?”

“Because if they were my breasts, that is what I would do. They’re still sensitive and I think they’re still growing.” Her hands are massaging me there and getting me excited.

I say, “Please stop Rachel, please.” I’m ready to cry and ready to hum from the sensation I’m feeling.

“Tell me the truth and I’ll stop.”

“If I tell you what you want to hear you’ll tell Mom and I’ll be in more trouble.”

“Tell me?”

I break down, “Yes, but don’t tell on me. I only take a pill every other day.”

Rachel leads me back and we sit next to each other on her bed. She is gently hugging me. “I’m not going to tell, I can appreciate what you’re going through. I don’t want to lose you as my sister.” There’s a light knock on the door as Mom pokes her head in to look.

Mom says, “Why is the big sister comforting her little sister?”

Rachel whispers to me, “Don’t worry.” She says aloud, “Jessie thinks she’s not going to be pretty like she sees me. She does this when we take these times. She doesn’t have a good self-image yet. I think she’s worried about people wanting her to be Jeff.”

Mom sits, “I don’t see it that way. I think Jessie is going to have her chance to blossom beginning when school is out. Jessie how many pictures did you see and compliments did you receive about being like your sister on our trip? You continue to grow like her ever since you’ve been back. I’ve been afraid someone might tease you because you’re beginning to look more like your sister than your brother Rob.”

Rachel speaks up for me, “But Mom, she’s worried by not taking the female hormones and not the blocker that her system might stop and not start again. I feel for her, it’s not something you or I would have to worry about,” said Rachel. I told her thanks as Mom looked at me.

Mom says, “Maybe you should continue to take a half dose and I’ll call Dr. Stoults about it tomorrow or the beginning of the week. Do you still have some of that prescription?”

I say and Rachel smiles, “How about if I just took one pill every other day, until then?”

Mom visits a little longer and is ready to leave the room. When she says to Rachel, “I think you should change what you’re wearing or put on a robe when your brother is with you.”

“I was wondering when you were going to say something,” Rachel says. “I respectfully disagree. I remember once Cousin Molly and I were together and she had blossomed and I had not. I suspect sometimes you had a similar experience. It is like a rite of passage for a girl growing up to see who she is becoming. I invited Jessie to be with me tonight. It’s a little sister and big sister time.” She smiles at Mom, “I hope you won’t make me treat Jessie like Jeff and make me change.”

Mom looks to me, “Jessie,” I look up; “okay Rachel, I appreciate your point. I appreciate the big sister you’re being.” She asks, “Has she commented or asked about the string showing?” I get a questioning look as Rachel puts a finger over her mouth, suggesting Mom say nothing more.

After Mom left I asked what they were talking about and all Rachel would say was, “You will probably learn in time.”

I kept wondering for a while as we visited until after 2:00 a.m.

Sometime after I fell asleep I had a dream about my friend Andy and me. I was wondering why he and not Luke were more comfortable with me becoming more of a girl. The thoughts and feelings wandered from just being more accepting of being closer friends and whether he was seeing me more as a boy or a girl.

I can’t remember what happened but as I wake up I remember Andy and me kissing. I struggle to remember about it, while I’m not sure I have the notion I liked it.

Story to be continued…

By Jessica C

Things started with Jeff turning 13 years old, dressing in his sister’s clothes and makeup; he didn’t expect to be caught… The discovery of him cross-dressing begins the blossoming of Jessie... Jeff accepts Jessie is really him, others have trouble accepting Jeff and Jessie co-exist… Mom, Dad and Dr. Hunt support Jeff in coming out as Jessie...

Tuesday night I talked to Mom and Dad, saying, “I want to talk with Dr. Hunt tomorrow about telling people at school about me being Jessie. I want to do it before the school year ends/”

Dad sought to correct me, “You’re wanting to tell people about you possibly acting like and may be becoming Jessie?”

I said, “That’s not quite it Dad. I’m already Jessie and I am not acting like a girl. I’m trying to be the girl I am.”

Dad says, “I’m sorry, you’ve only seen yourself as Jessie for three months. It is too early to decide something like that. Your sister Rachel is a girl and you’re far from being your sister…”

“Enough Dad, I’ve been wrestling with this for years. Yes, it has been just recently I’ve admitted to myself I’m a girl. And you’re right, I’m not use to being a girl like Rach. I’m glad I have my sister and a neat Mom, and I’m usually glad you’re my Dad. I want you to accept that while you see me becoming a girl, I already am a girl! I don’t want to go away from school as a boy and come back as Jessie a girl.”

Mom says, “Roger, let her talk, this isn’t easy for her and she’s seeking to be open with us.”

I say, “Dad, I know this isn’t easy on you or our family either, but I can’t change who I am. Even if I could, I no longer would want to. I want to be able to tell people on my terms and not have them finding out another way. I especially do not want people hearing it from those who won’t accept it.”

Dad is the one with tears in his eyes; I think he’s partly a man who is hurt and angry. But I also know there’s the neat Dad who tries to be supportive. I know he still loves me. ‘Please God, I want him to be on my side.’

“Mom, I would like it if you’d be in with me during my visit with Dr. Hunt.” Mom smiles as I ask, “Mom can I go as Jessie?”

Dad speaks up, “Would it be okay with you if I would be there as well?”

I pause to think, ‘It’s not that Dad isn’t invited he just has never been there. “Yes and no Dad, I’d like for you to be there, especially if it’s to help me through. But no, I don’t want you there causing me trouble.”

Dad Says, “I can’t say, I’ll say yes to everything the way you want, but I will be supportive.” Dad looks to Mom with a warm smile on his face. The fact that it isn’t a forced smile is encouraging.

We talked about another hour and before we stopped Dad tearfully said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why this is so hard for me. I still have Rob as a son and I know inside you’ve become Jessie. …But you said you’re Jeff and Jessie… I guess I’ve been rooting for Jeff to remain visible.” By now Mom was on one side of Dad and I was on the other and we were consoling him. Soon Dad is back to his joking self.

Dad leave before Mom and Mom consoles me, telling me, “Your father already knows Jessie is the stronger part of you. I am sure he will be supportive. If he wouldn’t be, he won’t be there.”

Luke is cordially saying hi to me, but he doesn’t come close enough to really talk. I sit away from others at lunch. Like I hoped Andy Niles comes over asking, “Do you want to be alone or could I sit and eat lunch with you?” He sat down and spoke again, “I hope you are not staying away from your friend Tami to get back in good graces with Luke.”

I hadn’t thought of it being perceived like that. “No,” I say, “I plan to be studying with Tami after school.”

Andy asks, “She knows about you as Jessie, doesn’t she?” I looked at Andy not sure what to say, other than confirming his thoughts.

“Can I trust you,” I ask? Andy nods his head yes. “Why are you choosing now to become a better friend? I’m sorry that sounded bad. I’m glad you’re a friend but I do wonder?”

Andy says, “You don’t remember what you did for me two years ago, do you? I had an accident in getting to the bathroom and then the next day I was stuttering again when some guys were making fun of me. I was worried I might wet my pants again as they blocked me. You helped me, when it wasn’t very popular to do so. Neither Dan Roberts or Ian were there like that though we’ve remained close.”

Andy continues, “I understand a little bit from what I read that most guys like you at our age are either in denial or are so afraid they keep things a secret. If that’s true you have more courage than the average person our age, including me.”

“Aren’t you afraid to be around me,” I ask, “if it becomes known I see myself as a girl?”

He says, “I talked to Tami; I guess if she or your neighbor Margaret aren’t afraid. I’ll try to be a friend too.” Andy starts to laugh, “Tami said, I might want to date you once I see how pretty you are as Jessie. I don’t plan to go that far.”

I was walking with Tami to her house after school, when she asks, “So what’s changed, you didn’t eat with us at lunch and your attitude is different somehow? …I wonder if anyone other than April and I realized you’re wearing panties today.” I hadn’t thought they would be noticeable. When we reached her house, she again asks, “So what gives?”

I ask, “How did you know I’m wearing panties?” She traces the line of the panty at the top of my legs. “That could be underpants.”

She says, “There’s a difference.”

Today she pulls me upstairs t her bedroom, “Sit there and I’ll change in the bathroom. Now talk and quit being so quiet and guarded.”

I say, “Andrew knows about me and says he’s talked to you. He’s wanting to be one of my close friends. …I didn’t tell him I’m getting more certain about being Jessie and coming out. He seems to think he could handle the heat of being my friend if you and April can.”

Tami says, “It sounds like he thinks he owes you. He said he wouldn’t say anything when I asked.” Tami put on a snug pair of jeans and was buttoning her blouse as she came back out. She lightly freshened her lipstick from school and then lightly did my lips before we went downstairs to study.

“I want to study for our math test tomorrow, but we can take time to talk,” she says. “There must be something big that you plan to talk to your counselor about tonight.” She pauses, “You don’t have to share if you don’t trust me.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you,” inadvertently I begin to open up, “I plan to talk to my doctor about telling people before the school year ends that I’m Jessie. That I plan to be Jessie this summer and plan to come back to school next year as Jessie.” I watch for Tami’s reaction and while being quiet for her is different, I’m not sure what she’s thinking.

I ask, “What do you think people will say if I do that?”

Tami is still quiet, he sister coming home from high school, breaks the quiet. Jennifer notices the silence and asks, “What were you two doing that you became quiet as I came in?”

Tami says, “People think Jeff’s becoming more like a girl.”

Jennifer giggles, “I can’t believe that surprises you. You’ve gone out of your way to get him comfortable being girly.” Tami blurts back in protest, “I do not; we always do that discretely when we’re alone.” Jennifer taunts back, “In your dreams.”

Jessie, “Yes, she’s helped me but I’m not innocently following her. Without her and my sister, I’d probably still be a girl wannabe.”

Jennifer says, “You mean, you’ve been doing this more intentionally than I thought?”

I say, “I haven’t been all the time, but as time passed, yes. I now see myself more and more as Jessie and you have helped me too. Please don’t say anything to others for now.”

“I need to be home by five; if you don’t mind we need to study” Jennifer was silent but she continued to watch Jessie for a while and even ran her fingers through Jeff’s hair once.

“It definitely feels like a girl’s head of hair.”

Home before five Jeff quickly showered and quickly Jessie was emerging. Jessie had by now become more proficient in drying and brushing out her hair into a number of styles. Her hair has become shoulder length. If Jessie wasn't to become visible, the hair would need to be cut back noticeably. Even now her Mom planned to trim it back tonight.

Jessie had picked out a nice skirt that flare out after snuggling the top of her hips. The ruffled blouse was casual and gave her a nice very feminine look. Her makeup is light giving her the cheerful look of a young teen. Mom was home to take her to the appointment with Dr. Hunt. Dad is to meet them there and was in fact waiting to go in with them when they arrived. Dad seemed in a good mood as his hand lightly embrace Jessie once they were in the reception area of the office.

Instead of the nurse calling Jessie back; Dr. Hunt came out and asked, “Jessie, would you like your parents to come back with you?”

Jessie said, “I hope I will have some time with you but yes, I want us to visit with you about me.”

Dr. Hunt was especially pleased to see my Dad there. Even more so when I brought up the desire to make it known I planned to be Jessie during the summer. With the intent to go back to school transitioning as Jessie as a student at school.

Dr. Hunt quickly agreed she would call the school to arrange a meeting of us with the school principal, school counselor and my home room teacher.

We would be meeting again in a week, to formalize our visit with the school representatives. When Dr. Hunt and I met alone she was encouraging, but straight forward that it would not all be easy. “I would not be having you do this, this early except I agree that Jessie is emerging strongly and quickly. Others coming to know about you is quite likely. I agree it will be better with you being open about it.”

“It might play havoc with how you perform academically as you end the school year. The distractions caused by you coming out could make it hard to concentrate on studying and final tests. “

II agree it would be good for you to be in one of our groups as you move forward. Doing so could be harder than you expect. Many people in the group will have empathy for what you’ll experience.”

I asked, “Do you think I am mature enough to handle it well?”

She said, “Yes, I do and I’m pretty sure you will come through this fine in the long run. Through this experience you will come to know yourself and get in touch with your feelings more fully. I believe being Jessie will involve more than you can imagine at this moment.”

I ask, “I’ll continue to be able to hold onto being Jeff as well won’t I?”

Dr. Beth says, “That is a good question. It will be your decision how he will still be part of you in the future. He has done a good job in getting you to this point in your life.”

Mom had left for home before I was done visiting with Dr. Hunt. Dad said, “Your mother thought it would be good for us to have a father-daughter time before we get home. We can either do so as we ride home or we could stop somewhere and get a bite to eat, it’s up to you?”

I said, “Dad if you’re comfortable it might be nice to eat dinner together someplace.” Dad stopped at a nice out of the way place, saying he had come here now and then with clients. It is a nice restaurant and I soon realized Mrs. Freed, one of the co-owners, knew my Dad well.

“Roger, it is nice to see you tonight. This young lady seems a little young to be one of your clients. She looks enough like your wife Terri that I am assuming she is somehow related?”

Dad tells her, “This is my youngest daughter Jessica?” Mrs. Freed tries to hide her surprise, but seeming Dad has told her about his family and remembers.

I try to cover for him, saying, “I’m a foster child.” But Dad stops me, “Mrs. Freed, if you’d seat us I’ll explain; she is my daughter.” Dad hugged me as he said it and I felt all warm inside that Dad was not embarrassed of me.

“Mrs. Freed, you have heard me talk of Jeff, but what we hadn’t known until recently is that Jeff is really our daughter. If you are alright with that you’ll be seeing more of us. If not we’d just like a quiet meal tonight or we could be on our way.”

Mrs. Freed shakes her head, “I can’t see much of your son there, how long have she been transitioning?”

I speak up, “I won’t technically begin transitioning until this summer, but thank you for the compliment and treating me so nicely.”

She says, “Would one of our nice tables around the fountain be okay or would you like to be off to the side?” Dad looks to me for which one I would want. A table around the fountain would be special and the muffled sound of the fountain would even be ideal for visiting.

Mrs. Freed is smiling but she is also a bit hesitant, like she wants to say more. I smile at her and she seems to relax. “Jessica is there a special occasion for you to be out with your father tonight?”

I am sure I am glowing at this point; “My Mom thought it would be a good time for us to have a nice father-daughter time. My Father knew this would be a nice place to bring me. I just hope I don’t look a fright as I wasn’t planning on a nice night out for dinner.”

Mrs. Freed says, “You look very nice, but follow me as I know every woman would like the opportunity to freshen herself after a long day.” I followed her to the women’s room which is very nicely kept. It was helpful for a number of reasons.

The waitress waited until I was back at the table to come back to our table. She took my order for a raspberry tea and had already brought a water with lemon. She was a college student from the nearby university. I was pleased when she gave me a compliment on my outfit and appearance.

“Jessica, I was impressed with how you spoke up and articulated what you wanted to say to Dr. Hunt. Do you agree that you seemed to be more focused? As Jeff, you were already a good capable student but not always on the honor roll. Your Mom says most of your exam grades and special reports are now consistently A work.”

I say, “Yes Dad, but Dr. Hunt is saying things could be different if I get distracted from those things as I announce who I am.”

Dad puts his hand over mine in a reassuring way, “I am not worried so much about your grades right now. If this is healthier for you in the long run and you are a happier person that would be what is important.” Dad’s expression changes, “I can’t promise I’ll always be understanding, I find some of this hard on me. If I ever lose control and become angry with things for a moment, please be patient with me. I’ve liked having a son and well this is not easy… I don’t think I have trouble embracing you, but I… I’m going to miss Jeff if he’s not around and visible.” Dad’s eyes tear, but he isn’t crying.

Dad soon regained his composure and began joking, changing the conversation to lighter topics.

When we were leaving, Mrs. Freed came and gave me a picture she had taken of me and my father. She also gave me a rose, she said it was from their flower garden. I thanked her for being very nice to me. She gave me a hug saying, “I hope you have a lot of joy growing into the woman you’re becoming. Come often and always ask for me: I want to see how you are doing.”

Dad compliments me, “You do very well in meeting people and I am taken with the manners that you have as Jessie.” I too had noticed that as Jessie, I was much more aware of the people around me and visiting with them.

When we got home Mom had a long visit with us as she was happy that we took our time and had a good father/daughter visit. Mom told me, “You should feel honored as Mrs. Freed is a nice woman but does not always warm up to people. I think she sees your father as another son and sees me as the daughter-in-law not good enough for her golden boy.” We all laughed. Dad said it was probably because he had gone there for work well over a year before he had taken mom.

Mom later told me she wasn’t surprised like I was about Dad. She knew Dad wanted a time to be with me and to show that he cared for me as Jessie.” Mom told me even she wasn’t sure of my coming out before school ends for the summer. “I can tell by your emotions and feelings for others have matured that this is the right thing to be doing.”

The school insisted if I am to make it public that I am transgendered with their help it needed to be at least a week before exams. That meant I needed to do it soon. It was three days later that my parents got a phone call and then a personal visit from Caroline Coulter, Max’s Mom and a Board and Staff member of the county’s LGBT Commission.

Caroline was welcomed into the house and I was asked to meet with her along with my parents. Caroline began by saying, “Jessie you should first of all know how proud and happy I am for you. I do however feel a need to warn you that the coming days might be more difficult than expected. Some in the LGBT community are experiencing a degree of acceptance. An there is now a division: some say you should just come out as a gay person and not make it a bigger issue and while there are those of us who will be supportive there are still others who say it is the transgendered community that needs to step forward and take the lead in being supportive for you. They shouldn’t have to risk the acceptance they’ve won.”

She said, “Some from the straight community, who say they’re friends of yours and the family, have called me. They’re afraid of backlash against their own sons and daughters if they are seen as being close friends of Jessie’s.” It was difficult time and filled with emotions, especially for Jessie.

Mom Preston and Rachel lost most of their appetite tonight and Jessie went and stayed in her room refusing to eat at all. Jessie had called and text Tami, and then April, Margaret. The only response she got was a short text from Tami late. Her mother told her to wait and see how others react.

Jessie text a message back to her, “I will be at school tomorrow in my designer jeans, blouse and boots. They can decide if they want to call me Jeff or Jessie. I won’t ask for special consideration, but I am not stepping back!” Your friend, Jessie Preston

Jessie also sent the text to her sister and waited. Rachel was soon upstairs knocking at her door. “Jessie, I don’t know if you should be doing this.” Rachel was soon in the room hugging Jessie. “You know it’s arranged for Monday of next week. Others might not like you changing plans at this point. I don’t know if Mom and Dad will allow you to do it.”

Jeff had been in boy mode, but is now totally Jessie. Jessie points to the clothes out for tomorrow. “I don’t plan to go behind Mom and Dad’s back. I am not planning on announcing anything, I’m just going to school. People can decide to be my friends or not. I won’t ask anything of them. I very well know how hard it will be for me. I won’t be judging those who don’t want to get caught up in this... I am tired of hiding. It seems to create problems if we make it special. I think I should just be me.” Jessie says, “All I hope is they will let me finish my exams and finish seventh grade.”

Rachel asked permission to tell Mom and Dad what was being planned. Mom was soon up to visit. She had already spoken to Dr. Hunt. There were tears in Mom’s eyes as she came into the room and hugged Jessie, “I love you very much young lady. I think I know how you feel, I’m hurting for you too as is your Father. We both want to be here for you. I don’t want to talk you out of it, but I thought maybe you and I should talk first.”

“Mom, if you don’t mind; this is what I plan to wear tomorrow. I’m afraid by waiting people will feel pressed to act like someone else wants. The idea of announcing it sounded like a good idea. Now I don’t think so, Mom. Unless you forbid me, I want to go to school dressed in this pair of designer jeans, a blouse shirt, boots and mine, Jessie’s under garments. People can call me Jeff or Jessie and I plan to take it one day at a time.”

Jessie was surprised as she expected her Mom to say, ‘No!’ or to forcefully try to get her to change her mind. Instead she said, “Honey, I think we’ll respect your wishes if you still want to do that in the morning. I ask you to sleep on your decision and your Dad and I will also decide as your parents in the morning.”

Mom awoke early and was in Jessie’s room shortly after she was out of bed. “Jessie hear me out. We’re going to ask that you wait one day to go to school as Jessie. I would like you to take my note to the Principal that you’ll be coming to school tomorrow as Jessie. Whether they agree or not, you’ll have our permission and blessing. The idea of wearing designer jeans and a blouse you call a shirt would be good. Even if they object at first you will be seen as being in compliance with school regulations. I don’t think they’ll be able to stop you even if they would want to.”

Jess looks up to her Mom, “Thanks Mom, I don’t look forward to waiting another day. I’m so anxious, but it’s a good idea. I want to do it but with your support and I’d rather I succeed at it.”

Jess changed her plans and went to school as Jeff with a few modifications: one pair of earrings would be girly, he’s wear some mascara and have his toenails painted up. He text Tami letting her know he was delaying one day to go to school as Jessie.

Tami asked to know when he was going to school. He thought Tami would still be told to stay away from him, so he was surprised on his way to school that Tami and April were waiting to walk with him. April looked at Jeff’s feet as he’s wearing sandals. “I thought you were waiting until tomorrow to come out?”

His reply was as his reply would be all day to others, “It’s me.” When people asked more he said, “It’s me, you’ll see.”

Like he expected Luke was watching Jeff from a distance before coming up to say hello. Andy too came over with Dan Roberts and Ian Davis following him. Miles Schmidt also came over to complete their pack of six. It was often Jeff who was without a girl with him, but today he and Tami were holding hands.

Miles asked as he looked to Tami, “So you like his girl look?”

Tami said, “Something like that.” He then turned to Jeff, “Is the rumor true that Monday there’s going to be a special announcement or assembly that you or someone is coming out?”

Jeff said, “Don’t announce it, but that’s off. I will just be coming as Jessie.”

Miles smiled, “That’s cute and you who didn’t like his sister calling him Jeffie will be Jessie.” Miles paused before speaking again, “This must have been coming on before you matched up with Tami. I can’t see your parents going along with this unless it was already you. I can’t say I’m comfortable with one of the Pack of Six being a girl. I guess that will be my adjustment if you still hang out with us.”

Dan spoke up, “I hope you have the ability to pass well as a girl.” Tami quickly said, “He does.” April nodded quickly confirmed it. Dan replies, “So you’ve seen Jeff out as a girl?”

April spoke up, “You’ll see Jessie is a girl in her own right. But remember you can’t date her until she’s fifteen.”

Dan says and others echo behind him, “Don’t worry there is no danger of that.”

Tami says, “You haven’t see her yet you might be surprised.” Jeff was not embarrassed at what she said just a bit uncomfortable being the focus of the talk. He excused himself and took his note to Principal Lawrence.

Principal Lawrence took the note and balled it up after he read it, “Well then our reply to you and your parents is, No! You will have to wait until the new school year.”

“Respectfully sir that isn’t going to happen.” Jeff calmly turned to leave the room, but Mr. Lawrence told him to stop.

“You know you will be in trouble coming dressed as a girl without just cause. Your Dr. Hunt didn’t formally present a document to identify you as being a transsexual or transgender. I will want an official paper that I can take to the school board. I’m sure they will take their time in giving their approval.”

Jeff was growing angrier by the minute, but after last night he was ready to hold his temper. He again began to turn as he left, “I would ask you to take my balled up note and put it into whatever file or folder you have on me. My parents made a copy.” The later was not true, but Principal Lawrence didn’t know that.

Jeff had previously decided, whether Jeff or Jessie today he’d be strong, no tears. It wasn’t until third class that some people noticed his toes. It wasn’t until after lunch that Greg, one of his eighth grade adversaries came up to give him trouble. “You know pretty boy, I have a notion to yank one of those pretty earrings out of your ear?”

Jeff spoke up, “You know if you want to wear one of my earrings all you need do is to ask.” Several people around them heard Jeff’s reply, they stopped and were watching to see what would happen. Frustrated Greg threw a punch that Jeff was able to avoid the brunt force of. When Jeff raised his hands to indicate he wasn’t hitting back; he also raised a knee into Greg.

Greg was soon bending over as Jeff walked onto his next class. Miles and Andy were with him by then as was Tami. Tami and Andy were in that class with him.

Come the end of the school day Miles was with Tami, April and Jeff as they walked home. Miles said he and the others would be available if needed. All four went to Tami’s house to talk more. Tami and April were willing to transform Jeff into Jessie for Miles to see, but Jeff said no. He did share that it would be tomorrow, Friday, that he’d be coming to school as Jessie dressed as Jessie.

Miles said, “You should have told us at school. Andy was considering cross dressing when you do that. I can call him if you want.” Tami spoke up, “I’ll wear a pair of boy’s jeans and a boy’s shirt, but I’m going to be wearing a bra.”

Jeff smiled, “I’ll be wearing one too, I don’t think the school code says anything about underwear.” April and Miles were surprised that Tami and Jeff really did study as they said they did.

Jeff’s Mom and Dad were upset hearing about Principal Lawrence. “We will support you tomorrow going as Jessie. You will also have a couple of notes from us. He better not do anything stupid or try to hurt you.” Mom said, “I’m taking tomorrow off from work. I will be here if you need me or anyone gives you trouble.”

Not that Jess wasn’t a bit anxious, but apart from studying she was preparing to put her best face forward. Her makeup would be appropriate for school and both her toes and fingernails received attention and a pretty coat of rose pink polish. Though Jessie is more comfortable in a skirt or dress; she would stick to her original plan. She tried on several pairs of designer jeans before she and Rachel agreed on the one she would wear.

Her Mom had purchased before she got home a nice shirt blouse; it looked like a boy’s light yellow dress shirt with subtle differences giving it a feminine touch. Jessie and Rachel both agreed it was the most appropriate and nice looking blouse for tomorrow.

Come morning Jessie enjoyed step by step getting ready for school. She felt like a girl in the shower as the water cascaded over her. She enjoyed shampooing her hair and rinsing out the conditioner and feeling a lush head of hair that would let her look her beautiful girl self. It would be a simple ponytail but with the front swept down and across the front. The ponytail bouncy and an extra curl made her extremely happy. Putting on a new pair of bikini briefs was new and she liked the feel of that and her jeans snuggly coming up my legs and over my hips and buns. The pastel yellow bra went well with the yellow blouse.

She did have a little trouble with makeup as she was too excited, making her hands unsteady at first. Rachel came up, “Remember it needs to be subtle for school. You’re a girl Jessie but some might call you Jeff. Teachers might be under orders to refer to you as Jeff. You can ask them to call you Jessie. Try not to win a battle at the cost of losing a teacher’s ultimate respect.”

Jessie tells her, “I wish the high school weren’t half way across town. I feel so much better when you’re around.” Rachel gave a hug, whispering, “I’m here for you and today you have Mom at home to be of help if needed. Remember, I’m one of many who love you.” Rachel steps back and looks at Jessie and then smiles even more, “Even in jeans you make an awesome girl.”

Jessie looks in the mirror and says, “I just look like the average girl.”

Rachel asks, “Will you acknowledge you are a pretty girl?” She nods in acceptance. Rachel says, “And you don’t think that is awesome for Jeff the first day he’s going to school as Jessie?”

Jessie slips into a pair of ankle boots with two inch heels. She turns and admires the look in the mirror. Rachel whispers, “You like what you see, don’t you?”

Jessie loads up a small purse with a shoulder strap and goes downstairs to eat with Rachel and Rob. Mom hands her a plate with a pancake and bacon. Jessie looks at Rob’s plate and then at Rachel’s. She would like three pancakes like Rob has, but Rachel has one like her. Rachel asks Mom, “Would it be okay if Jessie and I split another pancake between us?”

Mom lightly laughs, “If you will remind your little sister not to drown her plate in syrup.”

Jessie walked to school though Mom and Rach had both offered rides. Tami was to meet her at the corner to walk to school. There was another girl waiting along with April. The closer she got she recognized it wasn’t a girl but some guy dressed as one. Tami was dressed as a boy like she said she would but no boy looked that good. Finally she recognized Andy as Andy said, “I have a new found respect for the other half of the world.”

Jessie asked, “Are you liking the change or finding it a hassle?” She could tell by his look Andy wasn’t ready for the question; he seemed puzzled in thought. He had chosen to wear a skirt, blouse and even a bra and pantyhose. It was apparent he had nicked his legs a couple of times shaving.

She complimented him, “You look nice as a girl. Are you sure you haven’t done this before? And by the way, what’s your name?”

Andy says, “You couldn’t tell by my legs I’m not use to this?” There was a pause for him to tell his girl name. Tami made an S type hissing sound. Finally Andy said, “Sandy.”

Tami said, “It fits him and his look.” We walked to school and Tami quietly asked me, “Do you think it would be alright if we help him with his makeup?”

“I think he is the kind of boy who could enjoy your attention.” April took Andy into the school and one of the girl’s restrooms as soon as they got there. They came out laughing when she was done correcting his makeup. Miles had arrived in between and did not recognize Andy when she first came back out. Miles shook his head looking around at Tami and April dressed as boys. And Andy dressed as a girl and to him coming to school the first time as Jessie.

Tami nudged me and encouraged me to look around. There were quickly three other girls she saw dressed as boys and at least that many boys dressed as girls. Tom Smith, one of them spoke up, “My sister along with some others in sixth grade are also dressed up. It’s not like I understand, but I know you’re a good guy and I don’t think you should be hassled… Well guy is not… probably… well you know what I mean.”

I smile and say, “Thanks,” then holding back a giggle, “You’re a good girl… well you know what I mean.”

Tami said, “Wow, Tom you also make an attractive girl.”

Tom remarked, “I’d rather find a girl attracted to me as Tom.”

“I know a girl in sixth grade you should talk to,” said Tami.

Tom asked, “What does she look like or shouldn’t I ask?

Tami says, “It shouldn’t have been your first question.” She paused, “Pretty, maybe prettier than you deserve.”

The first bell rang and we’re free to go inside. I walk passed Mr. Lawrence and I’m sure he didn’t recognize me. I went to the nurse’s office and asked, “Can I use the toilet area to freshen up?”

The Nurse began to ask why I wasn’t using the girls’ restroom, when she recognized me.

She said, “After you do, please go to the Principal’s office, he’s looking for you.”

To be continued…

Jeff, supposedly home sick, was dressing in his sister’s clothes and makeup; not expecting to be caught… Discovered crossdressing begins the blossoming of Jessie... Jeff later accepts Jessie is really him, others have trouble accepting Jeff and Jessie co-exist… Mom, Dad, and Dr. Hunt support Jeff in coming out as Jessie...

Come the next morning, Jessie was happy she had first experienced the support of some students as he came to school, and to know that at least a couple of handfuls of people dressed in support of Jessie’s coming out.

There was Tami, April, and Andy who had met me on the way to school, Tom Schmidt and two other girls, plus another guy they had cross-dressed in support of Jessie. Tom’s sister in sixth grade also had thought others were being mean and she and others she called went so far as to cross-dress in support of her.

I went to use the bathroom at the nurse’s office to fix my hair and check makeup. The School Nurse, Ms. Jones seemed supportive and understanding. Though she was the one who had to tell me, I had to report to the Principal’s office.

I was hoping going to the Principal’s Office would not be the same as before. Principal Lawrence met me, by standing behind his desk with arms folded and wearing a stern look. “Well Jeff, you need to go home and change or prepare to be suspended. Do you understand me, young man?”

All I wanted was to be called Jessie, but I was sure even before going to the Office, Principal Lawrence wasn’t going to do that. I gave Principal Lawrence another note from my parents. “Be advised like yesterday, our child has come to school dressed with our permission and as she sees herself. It would be nice that you’d receive her as Jessie Preston but if she’s not to be received as Jessie, then some can call her Jeff. Even as such we believe our child to be in line with school dress codes and other regulations. If you would have problems with her or how she’s dressed please call me; I will be at home today." It was signed by both parents.

Mr. Lawrence said, “Well, I do not take orders from your mother. I know our policies much better than you or her. I will go by the way I decide to do things. You have the choice of going home and changing or being given an in-school suspension for one week. If you don’t cooperate after that, you will be suspended for the remainder of the school year. Which will it be?”

Jessie politely said, “I’ll need to call my Mom at home if you won’t. I plan to stay and attend classes as I am.” Jessie was calling her Mom when Mr. Lawrence yanked the phone out of her hand. “If you’re not going home; you are now technically suspended and the only calls you can make will be made using the school phones when I give you permission.”

Jessie said, “How dare you, Mr. Lawrence. That is not how it’s been done. The school nurse and the secretary have had us call on our phones unless we don’t have one with us. I would like my phone back …please.”

There was a knock on Mr. Lawrence’s office door. There was a group of probably four people there. One was Dr. Ingram, School Superintendent, Mrs. Coulter from the county LGBT Board, another person, and Mr. Mitchell from the School Board. Dr. Ingram spoke, “Mr. Lawrence, we’d like to visit with you and young Preston.” I think he sought to avoid saying Miss, Jeff or Jessie.

I was soon asked to go to the outer office, where I called my Mom. She must have known something was up, as she was already coming to the School. When Mom got there she gave me a hug and asked me to calm down.

We were soon invited back into Principal Lawrence’s office. Where Dr. Ingram asked us to explain why we changed from the plan to come to the school with the school’s help as planned for Monday.

“Dr. Ingram, can I explain as it was I who felt the need to change?” …I waited for Dr. Ingram to say yes and then looked to Ms. Coulter before I spoke again. “After we had visited the school and we're going to use your help. I received what to me was scary news that people were frightened by my making it a big deal that I coming out as a Tgirl. Some in the LG community were afraid it would have a negative impact on many of them and what they had achieved. I was told some of my friends that their families were afraid of them being hurt in identifying with me. So, I thought it best not to make it a public production, and just come like me, Jessie.”

“I am not asking the school or my classmates to take a stand either way. If people want to treat me as Jeff, they can, or if they want to accept me as Jessie I would be glad. I don’t want to judge others. I do want people to know that I see me as a girl. I plan to be at school next year as Jessie and I’m going to be living as me this summer.”

“Today, I’m pretty sure either way as a boy or a girl, I am in compliance with the school codes and regulations.”

Dr. Ingram asked, “Didn’t you think, it would have been good to give the school some sort of notice? After all, we did agree to cooperate with you. It kind of felt like you slapped us in the face by not doing so.”

I felt bad as I looked up to Dr. Ingram thinking maybe I did do something wrong. It was with some reluctance I spoke, “My parents agreed with you that is why they wouldn’t let me do it yesterday. I had to bring a note from my parents yesterday and I gave it to Mr. Lawrence. Mister Lawrence balled it up and threw it toward the wastebasket. I am sorry but at that point, I was determined to come as me today. But I did decide to wear jeans and a shirt-like blouse, socks and my cross-trainers, they’re kind of unisex. It’s not a sex thing that’s just what they’re called.”

Dr. Ingram turned to Mr. Lawrence, “Did you receive such a note that I was unaware of?”

Principal Lawrence said, “I told him, Jeff Preston, yesterday that we already had an agreement and that he needed to live by that or wait until next year. Yes, I was upset and wrinkled the note, but I did smooth it out and put it in his file someplace.”

Dr. Ingram asked, “Did Jeff yesterday agree to wait or did he say he was coming today dressed as a girl?”

Mr. Lawrence replied, “He said, he wasn’t waiting. He said he’d be in compliance, but I told him that meant we’re doing it my way; um as the school agreed. I knew he meant to do it his way and that is why I already had a request for him to come to my office the first thing.”

Mr. Robert Mitchell interrupted, “If you knew and expected that wasn’t you to contact the Superintendent and the School Board. I didn’t hear anything and seemingly Dr. Ingram was also surprised by this morning’s events.”

Dr. Ingram lifted his hand to calm things; he also had another question or statement. “Mr. Lawrence, is it your intention to bring in the boys dressed as girls and the girls dressed as boys and to threaten them with suspension as well? …I heard your threat to young Preston. Would I be in on that decision or not?”

Dr. Ingram turned to me, “Was this your plan to have others take your side and put us in such an awkward position?”

Mr. Lawrence was puzzled as he had not heard of the others who cross-dressed. Secretary Miller was waving several notes from the doorway. I’m guessing they were calls from different teachers about what to do. Students had already been in homeroom and to their first class. Ten minutes more and they would be going to their next classes. I wondered about boys who might have gym today.

I spoke, “Dr. Ingram that wasn’t my intention. I hadn’t said anything about coming as me when I left school yesterday. I was told later that some friends and others who knew me that if I would have done this if I should let it be known. But I hadn’t told anyone till later and I didn’t ask or suggest anyone dress in support of me. I appreciate the gesture of what they’ve done. I hope they won’t be punished for being supportive of me.”

Dr. Ingram said, “I would like us to walk over to my office and use the meeting room at the Administration Building. Mr. Lawrence, would you have two of the boys and two of the girls who cross-dressed in support of young Preston come there please?”

Mr. Lawrence said, “I would like to ask at least one girl and one boy not involved to come and share in the discussion as well.” Dr. Ingram hesitated until Mr. Lawrence urged him to be fair.

Tami Johnson, Jayne Creed, and Sharon Miller were the girls asked to come over to Superintendent’s office; as were Andy, Tom Schmidt (Smithy) and Jack Madden an eighth-grader. I guess Mr. Lawrence didn’t know Madden was a friend of Max Coulter.

Dr. Ingram first asked Tom Schmidt, “Young man, I admire your courage and support for young Preston, but at least Preston is within the school dress code for boys wearing jeans. Was it that important for you to support Preston that you went this far?”

Everyone felt for Tom as he was near tears as he tried to speak. “Yes Sir, but my mom helped me, saying she was proud of what Jeff/Jessie is doing. You see sir my Aunt Jamie died when she tried coming out while she was in college. I don’t know what happened, all we’ve ever been told is she died, end of the story. Jeff and I are friends, maybe not as close as some. When he started getting girly around Tami, I wondered if it would come to this. You can punish me or just send me home, but it’s something I had to do. It would be hard to live with if something happened. My Mom said most schools had dress codes about girls wearing skirts, but most school codes don’t say anything against boys wearing skirts?”

It seemed like minutes of silence when Tom stopped speaking. I stepped forward to give him a hug and say thanks. I stopped for a second worried it might be inappropriate. Tom’s arms started out and I quickly moved to give him a hug, saying, “Thanks Tom, I didn’t know.”

Tom asked, “Can you call me Jamie for the rest of today? That is if they don’t send me home.” I smiled, “Jamie, your Aunt has to be so proud of you.”

Tami spoke, “I’m just a friend. Now I’m kind of sorry I didn’t think or do anything to go over the line. Originally I felt responsible or guilty for Jessie coming out. I understand now I didn’t cause that, I only supported Jessie making herself visible.” Tami hugged Jamie before standing beside me and giving my hand a squeeze.

Mr. Lawrence spoke up, “I am moved and feel for these two friends, but we should hear from those like Miss. Miller and Mr. Madden who aren’t caught up in this.”

Sharon Miller and Jack Madden turned to each other a little stunned. Sharon spoke first, “I hope this won’t cause problems for Grandma working here. If Mr. Lawrence thinks this kind of stuff is upsetting, yes it kind of does. I don’t understand a boy wanting to be a girl. But even if Jessie came into the restroom I’m in, well we have proper toilet stalls with doors. If she minded her own business, I think I’d be alright with that. I would be interested in seeing whether she could do her own makeup. I’ve seen her out once. Then and today she has looked very nice. I’m glad she has a good sense of what a girl should look like.”

Jack spoke up after Sharon. “Can I ask what the problem is? I think most of those who know Jeff are only surprised it happened now. Because most thought it was something that would happen after school let out.

If you want to blame anybody it should be those boys who teamed up against Danny, a guy in the high school choir. Those guys were looking for a fight. Danny’s kind of effeminate though I don’t know much about him. The guys knew he probably wouldn’t fight them. When Jeff stood up for him I guess that is when this started.”

Mr. Lawrence and Dr. Ingram both said they hadn’t heard of any fight. Jack said, “I don’t know about when you guys went to school, but not everything gets back to the office here.”

Superintendent Ingram asked to talk to Mr. Mitchell and Principal Lawrence alone. The other students were given passes and allowed to go back to class. Mom and Ms. Coulter waited with me. Caroline Coulter said, “Well young Miss Preston, I am quite impressed with you and your friends. I knew Mr. Lawrence chose unwisely when he asked for Jack, but Tommy Schmidt and Sharon Miller were most impressive. What did you think?”

I asked, “Do you think, they or I will still get suspended. I was impressed that others came dressed as they did. I felt for Tom sharing what he did and taking the risk he has. If they decided to suspend him, I hope they will suspend me.”

Mom and I both look to Ms. Coulter. She said, “I suspect their only course of action is to put a good spin on what Mr. Lawrence did; to protect the school against any lawsuits. Mr. Lawrence may not apologize to you, but I am pretty sure he will give you a wide berth and not give you any trouble the rest of the school year. If anything it is Mr. Lawrence that should be worried. Come, the next school board meeting I expect there will be a reprimand for his mishandling of something.”

It was another ten minutes before we were called back into Dr. Ingram’s office. Dr. Ingram started by saying, “It seems there could have been better cooperation and communication on both sides. I am impressed however with how the students and the school have functioned in the classrooms so far today. We have gotten some calls from parents that are offended by today as there usually are people with differing viewpoints on things.”

“We are of the mind to get through today and not worry about making any special presentation or assembly on Monday as was considered. Then we will let things go back to normal, are we in agreement?”

I asked, “Does that mean no students will be punished for coming to school as they did?” It was indicated they would not. I pushed a little further, “It is quite certain that most of the students now know about me. Will it be okay if I come to school dressed like me Monday, but in a dress or a skirt as I like to dress?”

Mr. Lawrence was ready to speak, but Dr. Ingram spoke over him. “Well, why don’t you allow me to bring it up to the School Board meeting and then we’ll get back to you.” Mr. Mitchell said, “We meet Monday night. I can’t promise we’ll reach a decision but I’ll make sure they give it a fair discussion.”

Mom spoke up, “Well, I think it would be a good idea for Jessie to be the one to come to school on Monday. That way the School Board will have a good understanding of how my daughter’s attending the classes at school and the impact on the day to day life and educational atmosphere of the school. She is transgendered and that alone should be enough to allow her to be here. I am not sure what the School Board has to decide. It will not change who she is.”

Mom says, “I, like you, was very impressed with how the students that were before you presented themselves. And the students who dressed and acted in support of Jessie must have been well behaved since I didn’t hear otherwise. If those who spoke had any impact upon you and if they represent this student body, everyone should be well impressed. Not to let Jessie come to school as she is; I’d see that as a slap to how these students presented themselves. You called them here and had them give account for their actions as well as the student body.”

Mr. Mitchell said, “I couldn’t have put it better. This is not just about you Jessie; I appreciate what kind of a person you must be to evoke such a response. It has helped me to see another side of our students that frankly, I wasn’t aware of. I am greatly impressed.”

I was tired of meeting with the adults; I was aching to visit with my friends and to be back in class. “I’d like to get back to school, so if you don’t need me I’ll get back to class.” Everyone looked around, Dr. Ingram finally said, “That would be good. I can’t quite yet give my blessings for the coming days, but I appreciate your being open with us. Mrs. Preston, my thanks for coming in to support your daughter and to help our understanding.”

The last class before lunch had already begun when I walk in with everyone else turning to watch me. I smiled as one of the two open seats was next to Tom Schmidt. Before today they weren’t very close friends. Now as Jessie I felt a kinship as I sat next to him, well today 'her'. He was dressed in a skirt and blouse that actually flattered him if he were a girl.

Class ended and I turned to Tom, “Jamie, I hope you will sit and enjoy lunch with us girls today. I want to express my gratefulness for all you did. If you’re open I’d want to hear something more about Jamie.”

Tom was a little anxious when he spoke, “What I really need to ask is, where a guy dressed like this goes to go to the bathroom? Some guys blocked me when I tried to use the guys’ room.”

I took his hand knowing Tami would help him as well. She took over and took him into a girls’ room. Luckily a toilet stall had just come open for her to use. We met again in the lunch line, wherewith a smirk on her face Tami said, “Next time if you’d rather, you could possibly use the one in the nurse’s office. I was so proud of you this morning I thought we should allow you the status of an honorary girl.”

Tami had made that known that when she encouraged Tom to freshen his makeup, she, Jamie, did most of it on her own. Tom was embarrassed and blushed. An embarrassment he quickly got over.

“Hey,” he said, “I was wondering while I’m dressed as a girl. If after school I could go shopping with you as one of the girls. I think it might be fun.”

Tami turned to me, “Your Mom is home today, do you think she’d be open to taking us?” I smiled and wrote a text, quickly sending it to her Mom. “We’ll see.”

A message soon comes back, “Yes. How many?” Mom did not yet know one of the people would be Jamie. I’m sure that will only make her happier.

It was before our last class that I saw and went up to thank Jayne Creed for dressing in support of me. Jayne said, “Tami told me that you were with her and her sister at the ballet performance earlier this spring. I was wondering if you would be interested in going to a ballet class with me. We could always use another dancer and I think it’s great for us girl’s in gaining poise and grace.”

I quickly went into panic mode, “I don’t think so, me in leotards?”

Tami giggled, “I think that is Jeff speaking; I think it would be great for Jessie to at least go and find out about it. I think there are at least five others in our class who still dance in the ballet troupe.”

Jayne says, “Counting me there are at least six or seven. Several who were in support of you today? Amy Schmidt, who thinks you’re special is also in the ballet troupe.”

“What do you mean, she thinks I’m special? How would you even know that” I asked?

Jayne says, “That’s how I knew to dress up. I think she must have made a lot of calls around. Tom said she even loaned out a minimum of three of his shirts for girls to dress in today.”

I said, “I’m thankful but why am I special?”

Jayne says, “The question is will you go with me to ballet practice next Thursday?”

“But I’m too old to begin dancing.” I’m trying to do my best to say no without coming right out and saying it. Deep inside I know I should say yes, and part of me was excited by the thought of going.

Tami winks to Jayne and the two of them team up against me. Finally, Tami says, “You’re doing it, enough said. Eighth grade will be an ideal time to try it and to get into good shape as a girl. This way you’ll know by ninth grade what activities you want to be in as Jessie, the girl.” The bell rang and we needed to be quiet for our last class.

I looked at my phone which had vibrated, ‘Mom had agreed to take us shopping. Which would now include Tom and Jayne.’ I tried to tell Tami and Jayne when Ms. Briggs our teacher caught me talking. She said with a giggle in her voice, “I see you have no trouble Jessie in getting into girl talk mode. You will need to learn to be more discreet about it or be in trouble with me. It must have been something really important like shopping. Am I wrong?”

There was silence as she waited for me to respond. “Sorry, Ms. Briggs.” She waited longer and finally asked if she was correct.” Tami answered, “You’re right Ms. Briggs. It was about shopping after school.” Several girls asked where we were going, but Ms. Briggs started teaching again.

Mrs. Brigg teaches social studies, and before the period ended she called my name again. “Jessie, to help you in your immersion into thinking like a girl; I would like you to identify five women in the time period of our studies this semester and write two or more paragraphs on each one.”

I started to say, “That’s not fair…”

Ms. Briggs said, “It is an opportunity, not a burden. You should have at least three women that struck your interest as we studied this semester that would leave you with only two more.”

I thought of Sojourner Truth and Harriet Beecher Stowe; Tami said, “I thought Molly Pitcher was a courageous person.” I joked, “What did she do take a pitcher of water to someone?”

Ms. Briggs said, “That earned you a full-page report on Molly. I hope I do not see you resorting to Jeff’s humor when you write your reports.” I was about to say something back, when Tami and two other girls said, “Be smart and don’t say anything more right now.” One of the girls said, “I think Jessie needs to be wearing a skirt to help her stay in a girl's way of thinking.”

With that, the bell rang ending class and school for the day. I was on my way out of class when Ms. Briggs stepped in front facing me. She said, “Jessie, I want you to know I am glad to have you in my class and in the school. I hope everyone will be welcoming you. However things turn out, I want you to know you can come to talk with me if you’d like?”

I asked, “Do you really mean that or are you being nice? I’ll probably have you for history again next year so it would be nice to know.” I was on my way out the door of the classroom when I ran back and gave her a hug. “I’m sorry I smart-mouthed off to you in class. I’m kind of glad you treated me the way you did. I don’t know if you heard Tami saying I was acting like Jeff. I do know I have some habits I need to change.”

Ms. Briggs smiled and said, “Don’t change too much too quickly. You should expect that some people will take moments like that to punish you and make you wish you didn’t come out as a girl.”

It caught me by surprise, that the way I act could be used against me. Jeff had a propensity of walking the line to get away with as much as possible without getting in big trouble.

I was soon at my locker putting away what I didn’t need and remembering what I did. Among other things I had a cotton-linen skirt rolled neatly that I could change to. It was chosen to go along with my blouse. I used one of the stalls in the girls’ toilet to change and was quickly out with Tami. Jamie/Tom was happy for another boy in a skirt. I gave Jamie a gentle hug and a light kiss on her cheek as I said, “Thank you, those of us who heard you will remember what you did and said.”

I asked, “Are you open to buying something if you like what you see?”

Jamie kept her girl voice that she developed during the day. "I just want to be along for the experience, not to buy anything. I wouldn’t have enough money even if I wanted to buy something.”

Tami spoke up, “Well part of the shopping experience is to try on clothes even if you’re not buying right now.” Tami looked around to April and me and then said, “If you find something I think we’ll chip in enough to make it possible.” Both April and I speak up in agreement.

Jamie backs off, “Maybe I shouldn’t even go with you as I’m not another Jessie.” Tami and I hook Jamie’s arms and pull her over to my mother’s Nissan. April rides upfront as Tami and I sit on either side of Jamie. Jayne and two others are going to meet us at the mall.

I google ‘Molly Pitcher’ on our way to the mall and quickly find out she was as much a legend as a real person. It is kind of an educated guess that she was really Mary Ludwig Hays at that time. There was said to be another woman who did something similar at a fort in Manhattan. Martha Washington and Mary Hays were often given the nickname of Molly as early as Valley Forge as they accompanied troops helping with food, washing clothes and helping those who were injured. Soldiers instead of worrying about learning their names, many of guys often called all of the women helping them, Molly. Both Martha and Mary were married women and respected for helping out. The Legend of Molly Pitcher came at the Battle of Monmouth in a battle against the British with the continental army fighting for independence.

The temperature during the battle was 100 degrees Fahrenheit, almost 38 degrees Celsius. Molly was taking water around to soldiers when a soldier loading a cannon was shot. He wasn’t dead, but he couldn’t help which would render the valuable cannon useless. Molly put down her water and began ramming the cannonball down the barrel of the cannon. She would continue doing that during the battle. While Molly could be considered a lady, she was not helpless, nor a shrinking violet.

Oops, we're at the mall, now the fun with Jamie begins.

Tami was first out taking Jamie with her, I’m soon around the car telling Tami, “You’ve got April, let me help introduce Jamie to shopping.”

Jamie says, “I’ve been shopping before.” Tami, April and I simultaneously ask, “As a girl… Then no, you haven’t been shopping.” Mom was behind us amused as we meet up with Jayne, Sally, and Trish. Jamie was quickly pulled to Claire’s to get earrings and have her ears pierced. When asked her age Jamie was truthful and said 13. When the salesgirl said, “You need your parent’s permission?” Tami handed Jamie a note, supposedly a permission note from her mom. Tami had already told me to get with my Mom and stay away while we’re at Claire’s.

I soon got a call from Claire’s asking for Mrs. Schmidt. In a hopefully mature woman’s voice, I say, “Yes, Jamie has my permission, didn’t she give you my note?” After the girl said, 'Yes, she has.' I thank her for checking and the conversation was done.

Two boys, we know stopped and asked, “Hey can we tag along with you like Tom?” April quickly says, “If you have money for a cute girl outfit?” Scott says, “No way” while Robert is saying “Yes.” April says, “Its all-girls or nothing.”

Robert said, “I’m still interested but I’ll need a ride home?” Jayne as well as I assure Robert, “You have a ride if Roberta comes shopping with us.”

Mom goes ahead with Tami, Jayne, Trish, and Robert to JC Penney’s to shop for an outfit, while Tami and I stay with Jamie as she gets her ears pierced. Mom bought an inexpensive pair of sandals for Jamie. Tami asked Robert if he knew how to put on a bra, and his response was, “I’ve been dressed up for Halloween by my sister and mother twice.” Robert is two grades ahead of us; I think he’s already fifteen.

Luckily Mom’s presence and the assurance an outfit was being purchased, allowed the emerging Bert to find and then try her new outfit in a changing room. Her skirt is a light pink and she buys a colorful printed top to go with it. Tami had gone in with Bert to a family restroom to do her makeup and to help adjust her pantyhose. The next hour and a half were pure girl fun.

Tom/Jamie ended up buying a mini-dress for Jamie. Tom and my Mom called Mrs. Schmidt to make sure it was okay. And so that Mrs. Schmidt would not be surprised when he came home. I guess Mrs. Beth Schmidt volunteered to reimburse us for helping to buy the dress and other items like jewelry.

Mom was deeply touched by something Beth Schmidt said to her and only said she’d wait until we were home to tell me what.

The day had been great but I was like a little child who wouldn’t stop and rest. Mom had already suggested at 5:00 o’clock we should go home and celebrate. My saving grace today was it was Friday. As much as I wanted to be with friends, I fell asleep in Mom’s car before we're out of the mall parking lot. I missed seeing Mom let Tom/Jamie off at his house. Mom said he was like a giddy girl and his mom received him as one. His younger sister had come to the car to see me, but I didn’t wake up. April and Tami were next to be taken home.

Roberta was taken home by Jayne Shaw and her mother.

Funny as it may seem, Rachel came out to the car and woke me by waving her perfume under my nose. Once in the house, I was allowed to nap until 7:00 p.m. Rachel had baked a cake, Rob had bought me a poster, and my parents had a bought a nice vanity for my room, but mostly they were proud of me and happy for me.

Jacob Thomas, Rob’s friend, came over around 7:30, to go out with Rob for the evening. They were to meet other friends. I was sitting next to Jake as he was telling what he had heard in the afternoon at the high school and since. We were sitting around the living room visiting when I fell asleep leaning against Jake with his arm around me.

Jake had delayed going out with Rob because of me; waiting until I went to crash in my room. I said to my Mom as she helped me to bed, “You don’t think he knows I like him?”

Mom said, “I could tell he liked you being there, but I thought you were just tired as you snuggled in his arm.” Mom kissed my cheek and whispered as I was ready to fall asleep, “Remember you are still too young to date and now that you’re Jessie the rules will be held more strictly.”

I heard the words about dating, but I now stayed awake pondering Mom’s words that Jake obviously liked holding me. My sleep was mixed with images thinking of Jake tonight, my many friends today and that of the stern faces of Principal Lawrence and some students and teachers who were not happy with me.

The morning newspaper had an article on the front page of the community section about the support of students gave in support of a transgender-girl. There were pictures of several students girls dressed as boys and boys dressed as girls, including one of me. School staff had not commented to the reporter. The article was mostly about the peaceful actions of students in support of me.

There were comments of people for and against people like me going to our schools. One person said, “Most schools won’t have pregnant students attending the school, but something like this disgusting behavior they make allowances for.” The reporter shared a comment made soon after that remark, “There was nothing disgusting about her behavior or how she was dressed.”

By eleven o’clock in the morning Tami, April, Andy, Tom, and others were over our house as were some of Rob and Rachel’s friends. Dad fired up our barbecue grill and the afternoon was abuzz with people coming and going. By four o’clock Grandma and Grandpa Stephens were over to our house.

I heard there was one church who changed their church sign which had a negative statement veiled against me and those of my kind. The Associate Pastor of our church came to our house to affirm they’re a welcoming congregation…

To be continued…

Characters
Jeff/Jessie Preston
Mom - Terri; Roger Preston-Dad
Rachel-sister, Robbie-brother
Grandma Stephens
Darby and Matt Jacobs
Tami, Jennifer and Mrs. Carol Johnson
April Franklin – Tami’s best friend
Luke – a friend of Jeff’s who likes Monica; Jacob – Friend of Rob’s
Dr. Elizabeth Hunt and Dr. Kim Stoults, my sister’s doctor
Nonna Grandmother Preston, Michael Preston, Sr. – Grandfather
Aunt Ellen (Dad’s Sister), Uncle Rich Mason, Daughters Molly, and Erica
Keith Connors married Molly Mason
Tad and Jared cousins to Keith Connors
Uncle Billy and Aunt Jan (Preston) Knowles–
Johnny Dalton, Monica Jones, Jayne, Sharon Miller – Friends
Jayne Sawyer, Sally Gurney, and Trish Moore – Friends
Tom/Jamie Schmidt, Mrs. Beth Scmidt,
Suzie Hammonds – salesperson and classmate of Rachel’s
Bree/Johnny Hammonds
Max Coulter – a friend of Jeff; Mrs. Caroline Coulter and Olivia Coulter
Jack Madden – a friend of Coulter
Dr. Ingram – Superintendent; Mr. Mitchell - School Board member
Ms. Towers - Art teacher, girls’ coach
Andy (Andrew) Niles, Dan Roberts and Ian part of the Six Pack
Principal Lawrence

Saturday evening when Grandma and Grandpa Stephens came over Grandma had a message that Jessie was to call Darla Jacobs. It was soon agreed upon that Sunday Jessie was going to have the help of her girlfriends to model her clothes. Darla said, “You do pretty well for a tomboy, we want to help you see the possibilities you have with your wardrobe for when you begin buying new clothes.”

It was Sunday after dinner that the girls began to come over. Grandma Stephens came over bring Darla Jacobs. There continue to be girls like Darla and Tami that I have feelings for and it is hard to tell if it is as a boy or girl. And now there is the addition with Amy Schmidt who seems attracted to me. Again I’m not sure if it is Jessie or Jeff whom she is attracted to or if she just wants to be a friend.

Darla sees me looking at her now and again, and while we’re alone she reminds me, “While my brother Matt is interested in you, we’re just close friends.”

When I begin to say, “So that means in the future…”

Darla interrupts me talking, “Let me make it clear I just want to be a close friend, always friends!” She sits down in my room, “Why don’t you try one of the combinations that you say would be new to you.”

I picked up a hanger with a blouse I liked and said, “I’d like to try this blouse it looks good and I see some leggings but what am I to wear with it?” Darla hooted, “Nice choice, the skirt is attached to the hanger underneath the blouse.” And so it was and I like how it looks but it would be the shortest knit mini-skirt in neon pink. While it was not as loud as some I’ve seen. I was sure it would take a special girl to pull off wearing it and I told Darla so.

She said, “Go behind the screen and change into it. I think you’ll be surprised how well it will look on you.” There was a knock on my door as I was changing. Tami, April, Jayne, and Amy had arrived and Mom sent them up to my room.

I was getting more nervous as it was hard to dress behind the screen without showing myself to someone. Everyone except Darla was surprised that I would wear such small outfit. The narrow straps of the blouse made me glad my breast forms had properly been put on. They were giving me cleavage that was showing.

Tami cutely jokes, “I think the makeup job on your boobs is very good, it all looks like you.” Jayne pushed my vanity chair to me, saying, “Now let’s see you sit in that outfit.” Without thinking I stepped over to the chair, swept the little piece of skirt underneath me. Sat keeping my legs and knees together, while bringing my hands together on my lap. I even crossed my legs nicely at my ankles.

“Wow,” Jayne said with a joyful spirit, “You are more girl than I knew.” You need to wear that outfit later when we go for pizza.” Tami said, “I like that idea, but now I want her to try on one of you long skirt outfits. How about the pretty one you might wear for an evening dinner.” Jessie had to look her three choices over. There was a very nice long black skirt with it I chose a sparkly silver shell with a predominately red print blouse that could be left open or nicely buttoned. It looked more like a woman’s jacket the way I wore it. This time I had to change many times alternating which shell and blouse I wore. The last time I changed, Tami stepped behind the screen and unbuttoned the bottom of my skirt up to mid-thigh and asked me to turn my skirt so the split of the skirt came up my left leg. She said, “Now go look in the mirror and see how it transforms your look after you leave the house… If you diet and take care of your figure properly, you can wear this skirt and look good in this the next three years or so.”

There were hoots and whistles as I stepped from behind the screen. I wasn’t paying attention to them as much as the image I was seeing in the mirror. Darla smiles and says this is as sexy as the short mini skirt with the exception that this has the viewer imagining more than one sees.” I mouthed my agreement. I had spent a full hour trying on things with this long skirt and I’m amazed by how many different looks it creates.

Darla moves behind me, placing her hands on my hips as I’m looking into the mirror. “Do you see how your hips and waist have changed the past month? I’m pretty sure your waist has gotten at least two inches smaller and your hips have probably grown at least an inch. What are you taking to do this, I need some?”

Rachel had come into the room over ten minutes ago. She says to Darla, “If it’s the testosterone blocker it might not help you as much.” Everyone breaks out roaring in laughter. Unfortunately, it doesn’t hit me as funny but a reminder that to most I’m probably not a real girl. I head to the bathroom trying to hold back my tears until I get there. I locked the door behind me, Rachel had gone back to her room and came into our adjoining bathroom from there.

“I am sorry little sister, did what I said, hurt?” Rachel is now hugging me as I try to step back.

I ask, “If you knew it hurt, why did you say it?”

She says, “I didn’t know it would, you are usually joking. And I addressed it to Darla any way.”

Through my tears I struggled to say, “It emphasized to me that I’m not a real girl, it was cruel.”

Rachel gasped and was now crying herself, “I would never try to hurt you like that. I am so proud of you. You’re my sister through and through, I love you so much. I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she says.

Once, it is obvious, outside the bathroom, that Rachel too is crying her friend Heather goes around through Rach’s room to comfort us both. She reminded us, “Hey you’re sisters, you might as well get used to it there’s no one closer and no one more sensitive to what you say or do. Brothers can annoy you as much but sisters love differently. Jessie, you need to discover your sister in a new way with you being sisters.”

It is five o’clock and all us girls are going out for pizza, so I take the time to visit with my parents and grandma. Rachel and I promise to get Darla home afterward.

Mom shook her head at me when I left the house in the short pink mini-skirt. She had me wear a shirt jacket that reached down further than the skirt. “I know it is coming off at the pizza place but please wear it going and coming home to amuse your mother.”

Amy Schmidt and I were coming out of the women’s restroom at the pizzeria when I asked her, “I’m glad you’re with us, and I like becoming friends, but can I ask why you seem to like me as you do?”

Amy smiles back at me and pauses, “It was over two years ago when you were in fifth grade that I noticed makeup on you. I thought it was funny yet cute. A second time I saw you with some eye shadow you missed and ever since I’ve been waiting to see you fully as a girl. I kind of fell for you as Jeff though you didn’t notice me. I’m not sure what my feelings are other than I want to be your friend.”

I asked, “Did any of your other friends notice and say anything?”

She said as we got to the table, “I know my friend Sally O’Brien realized it, but she has since moved away. I talked to my mother a couple of times, especially whenever Aunt Jamie was mentioned.”

More than one girl that was in our group or others around us, remarked about the shortness of my skirt. Remembering Sharon Miller’s statement the other day about dressing sensibly as a girl; I determined in my thoughts I’m not going to wear it very often. I did appreciate that others noted I made an effort about how I sat and moved around in it. I didn’t mind when they said boys will find my look hot.

It was just nice to be out with other girls, having a good time. We were there an hour and a half and I didn’t eat two full pieces of pizza though it was very good. Amy, Jayne and Stacy team-up against me and I agree to go with them to ballet practice this coming Thursday.

Tami says, “We already bought a pair of leggings that she plans to wear to the first practice.”

Jayne giggles, “You mean she already decided she is coming?” Jayne is hugging me before Tami explains further.

Tami says, “We got her to choose a pair of leggings and then informed her that pair is for ballet. The decision to try it is really based on what you said about helping her in becoming a girl.”

“Jayne, I will be very tempted, more than once to bow out or quit. Please don’t get upset with me this is kind of scary.” Amy and Stacy are quickly over to give me hugs, their enthusiasm engulfs me as I begin to feel ‘giddy’ inside. ‘I’ve never understood this when I saw it happen to a girl, even when I tried to imagine it for me.’

I turn to Tami, “There are some feelings a girl can’t explain to a boy nor could you have understood it before.” Tami smiles, “You’re excited about trying to be a ballerina aren’t you?”

How could she have read my mind so quickly? I asked her and she said, “You’re wearing your feelings on your sleeve. Jessie, you are a very smart person but don’t try to rationalize your feelings. Relax and enjoy what your heart is feeling.”

We left the pizza place and gathered at Tami’s house. Amy wanted to brush out my hair, while Jayne wanted to know what I was wearing to school. The other girls know their clothes wardrobe so well most can go through them in their mind.

I can think of what I have, but my thoughts aren’t organized and when I suggest something Tami or April say the shades of color don’t go together. Finally, some girls leave as Tami, Amy, Darla and I go back to my house. Mom allows the girls to my room with me. We not only pick out a cute but safe skirt-blouse outfit for tomorrow. We picked out another outfit for Tuesday and a dress with a full skirt for Wednesday.

By now it is past time to get Darla home. We take Tami home first, Amy next and Darla last. Mr. and Mrs. Jacobs are waiting for Darla at the door, so I walked her to the door and apologized for having her back late. “We are glad she text us. We came out not only to see her but to say we’re glad you’re still friends. We want you to know that you are welcome here.”

I looked past them to see if Matt was around and looking to see me. Mrs. Jacobs said, “Give him time; I think you’ll hear from him.” I was embarrassed as I walked back to the car.

On our way back Rachel said, “I see you have feelings for both Matt and Amy?”

Instead of saying yes or no, I say, “What makes you say that?”

Rach says, “You wanted to walk Amy up to her door, and you were tempted to kiss her but you didn’t. I could see she wants to be more than just a friend to you. Matt is the one who surprises me. I didn’t think you’d be getting excited about boys this fast… Matt’s a good looking guy, I’d have thought he’d have a girlfriend or two.”

“Sis, how do you know these things? It wasn’t exactly what I was thinking, but close enough.”

Rach says, “We’re sisters with my little brother thrown in. I just want you to know your thoughts and feeling aren’t that different from what mine would be.”

Monday, Mom comes to wake me up to get ready for school but I’m already in the bathroom showering. There is a small gift on top of the outfit I’m going to wear. It’s a delicate chain necklace with a heart and there is a matching bracelet. When I go for breakfast I see Rachel has a set much like mine. Mom says, “It is nice to have something that says you’re sisters.”

Dad comes into the kitchen and asks, “We’re thinking of moving you, Jessie permanently down to the guest room, next to your sister. That would mean you would share a bathroom. What do you two think of that?”

Rachel speaks up, “It will be okay if she’s Jessie, but I don’t want to go in fixing my makeup and find I’m sharing it with Jeff. Have you seen how he and Rob keep their bathroom?” Dad laughed and Mom said, "It’s not funny I have to share a bathroom with someone like that!”

Dad continues to laugh, “You must admit I’ve improved?”

“Some yes, but I don’t think Rachel wants to wait twenty years for Jessie to get better than Jeff.” She says, “Enough chatter, for now, the girls are not done in getting ready for school.”

Mom was right, there is more to do as Jessie but I love it. Rachel and Mom usually enjoy having me around. Not so much when it takes more time for me to learn something, i.e. curling my hair.

I went over to Tami’s house to walk with her to school. We met April and Andy in front of April’s house. Andy said he had his phone on speed dial for the ‘Sixpack’; I didn’t think it was needed but I haven’t used Jeff’s voice since Friday or Saturday. Mr. Hawk, a teacher would insist I use Jeff’s voice, but other students laughed when I had trouble.

We had made it to school and were ready to cross the street when I heard Simon Graft’s voice asking me to look up. I raised my purse in time to deflect a water balloon. It was obvious in minutes that the balloon had some dye in it. Luckily Tami had taken a series of pictures showing Simon throwing the balloon. A girl at the school took a video from across the street, showing it was Simon’s brother Jarett driving the car.

The Grafts owned a hardware/paint store in town; they were pretty well-liked and did much for the school. So when I reported the incident I didn’t think much would be done. Mr. Lawrence almost fulfilled my thought. He tried to make excuses why Tami’s picture might not be reliable. The girl’s video didn’t actually show Simon throwing the water balloon.

I was called back to the office during the fourth-period class, and Mrs. Graft was there. She says, “My husband and I didn’t think it was right for you to come to school dressed as a girl. I am sorry but I guess my boys took that to mean it was alright for them to do what they did. My husband and I agree they should be punished, though I rather they not be suspended. We’re also wanting to pay for your purse and damaged clothing to be replaced.”

I say, “My purse is in my locker as I’m afraid the dye might rub off onto other things. Other than that I only have a little bit on my skirt, hose, and shoes. I’m not sure if it might wash out. I know, I could use the skirt just around the house for chores or something.”

Mrs. Graft giggles ever so slightly, “You’re adorable, but no girl likes to wear damaged clothes. Your nice shoes alone could cost sixty dollars.”

“Mrs. Graft, I’m just happy that you’re not angry with me and are trying to make it right. I like your store and I was afraid this meant I wouldn’t be welcome there anymore. I’m afraid there will be a division in our town with people who don’t like or agree with me and those who do.”

“Well,” Mrs. Grafton says, “I don’t want to be an excuse for that type of thinking either. Please let me pick you up after school and take you and a friend shopping to replace the things that are damaged. Then we can go over to our store and I'll buy some decorations or candles for your room?” I hesitate but I knew by Mrs. Graft’s “Please” that it would be good to say yes."

I stepped forward to give her a hug as I said yes. I know she was caught off guard by my hug. But I was happy about her response, “Thank you, I’d like to be your friend and for us to be able to talk openly about our differences. I am impressed with you.”

The Vice-Principal Ms. Hope interrupted us. “I am glad you agreed to get together after school. I feel the need to get Jessie back to class. I thank Mrs. Graft for being open about her sons. I think what the schools would like to do is to require Simon and Jarett for this week and during final exams to be at school an hour early for detention and to help the custodians for a half-hour when school lets out at the end of the school day. They also revoke Jarett’s driving privileges for school for the remainder of this school year.

The next to last class of the day, I’m called back down to the office and again it is Vice-Principal Hope whom I’m to see. Tami is already there as she too was called to the office. Ms. Hope started with, “Did you forget something today, Jessie? …You said you’d go with Mrs. Graft shopping after school. Luckily she called your mother who said you have a doctor’s appointment.”

“Ugh, I forgot! What am I to do?”

“Your Mother is ahead of you,” says Ms. Hope. “Tami, you are excused fifteen minutes before three with Jessie to go with her to her Doctor’s appointment. Mrs. Graft is going to meet you there. After your appointment your mother said the four of you will shop for the things needed, eat and then end your time together at Graft’s Hardware and Home.”

I agreed to do it but I wasn’t happy about Tami or Mrs. Graft seeing me at my GYN doctor.

Tami guessed my concern as we left the office, “Don’t worry Jessie, we’re all women we’ll understand.” But she knew Mrs. Graft didn’t see me being a girl as okay. Tami smiled, “This will tell Mrs. Graft that your decision isn’t all sweet and nice. She understands about you going to your appointment.”

‘How can I tell my Mom or Tami how it feels for me, I'm not used to going to a GYN doctor. I love becoming a girl, but I want to decide who I share the journey with.’ “Tami this is personal for me. I’ll be embarrassed if she’s there.”

Tami asks, “Are you going to be embarrassed that I’m there?” I paused too long to answer, she starts to giggle, “I’m losing my Jeff ‘Barbie Doll’ and you’re embarrassed. What of? I’ve already given you makeup and fashion lessons. I’m not going to share your hormone meds.”

Luckily we’re back to class and the discussion ends. Today I have more girls wanting to become friends. Asking me questions about when I knew I wanted to be a girl. A friend Annie sought a time to talk to me alone. “You knew when we were friends in second grade, do you remember? There were times we were the best of friends. Other times you treated me and other girls like a dumb boy who didn’t like girls. I saw boys tease you once about playing with girls.”

Annie had moved away and I hadn’t realized she had moved back and was now a year ahead of me in school. She gave me a slip of paper with her phone and email information. On the backside, it said, “Tami probably thinks she’s the first girl to dress you up.” What Annie didn’t know was she was not the only girl to do so.

Sixteen minutes before three o’clock Tami and I were heading out the school doors looking for a ride from my mother. Tami grabbed me as we stepped outside and twirled me around with her. “You first full day Jessie, you are so much a girl.”

Mom said, “Why don’t you two get in the back, we’re picking up Mrs. Graft and taking her so we don’t have two cars someplace.”

“Mrs. Preston, Jessie’s embarrassed to have Mrs. Graft and me go with her to her doctor’s appointment.”

“We could take her home and let her dress as Jeff to go. Seriously, Mrs. Graft is wanting to go a second mile to be nice, I couldn’t easily say she couldn’t come with us. Well, I could of but I thought as a girl you’d be excited about getting new clothes.” Mom giggled and then said, “I thought Jessie would even want her to go back in the exam room with her.”

I moan, “Mom that’s not funny.”

We’ve pulled up to the Graft Hardware and Home store and Mrs. Graft is getting in. She asks, “What’s not so funny?” Then she asks, “What kind of a doctor are you seeing today?” That was enough to get us all laughing, including Mrs. Graft though she didn’t understand what we were laughing at. Mom finally told her “She’s seeing Dr. Stoults,”

Mrs. Graft mumbles, “But, she’s a gynecologist.” And then she blushes as she looks back to say hello. She again speaks, “I am so sorry Jessie about what our boys did. I know this doesn’t make up for things, but I’m glad you’ll let me make some amends. Mostly I’m glad to have the chance to get to know you. I use to be more open-minded.”

“I remember when Jeff would come into our store and you like looking at things, well things that weren’t very boyish. You would say you’re thinking about something for your mother or your big sister. I thought you’d make a pretty girl.”

Tami nudges Jessie and gives her a small gift. Surprised Jessie asks, “What is this for?”

Tami, “Open it and you’ll find out.” Jessie does and it is a ring but it is too small for her ring finger. She thinks it is the wrong size and appears disappointed. Tami takes the ring and places it on Jessie pinkie finger. “It’s a friendship ring. I love you Jessie and I want you for a forever friend.” She gives Jessie a kiss on the lips and there is passion from both though it lasts but a few seconds.

Jessie looked up and could see her Mom’s eyes and face in the rearview mirror. She could tell her Mom was happy for her.

Marlene Graft says, “I had a special girlfriend like that. She went to the same school as your Mom. Her name was Amber and I finally broke it off because so many convinced me it wasn’t right.”

Tami says, “I can’t say I see Jessie as my girlfriend romantically, but then I won’t say no either.”

Mom reminds everyone, mostly for Mrs. Graft, “Being here is confidential. There is a dinner within walking distance if you cannot do that.”

Jessie is soon called back by a new nurse Diane. She says, “Dr. Stouts and her partner Dr. Lil have hired me to work with them and patients like yourself and more. I can better help monitor any changes you have and to provide support and information.”

I smile as Diane seems both warm and trained with issues that I likely will experience. I tell her I went to school as Jessie today. She smiles and says “Good for you.” She even notices my new friendship ring. “That is nice that you have an admirer who wants to be a friend most of all. You know Dr. Stoults want you to both come in touch with being Jessie, but wants to take enough time so we’re all sure this is a healthy direction for you?”

Dr. Stoults has Diane washed and shaved the area between my legs. Mom is called back to the exam room to give consent for the procedure of hiding my male genitalia. I thought the terms were funny. Presently the area was being glued to make me look more like a girl. Even if I dressed as Jeff I would now have to always sit to use the toilet. Nurse Diane talked to me about the need to keep myself clean. It was embarrassing to have her show me what I needed to do. More embarrassing was the fact she showed my mother how to examine me to make sure I did a good job.

Thankfully the reason my appointment took so long was not visually evident when we went back out to join Marlene and Tami. Before we reached them I asked, “Mom do you know who Amber was that she talked about.”

She quickly answered, “We won’t talk about that here.”

Mrs. Graft had us go to Von Maur’s it’s a more upscale department store, the one where Suzie Hammonds works at. Closely examining the skirts and blouses one saw evidence of why things cost more. The skirts we nicely lined and only the lesser expensive clothing had any appreciable amount of polyester. There was a full skirt with a print similar to my skirt, but the print was sharper and had more subtle shades of color. Even on sale, it cost fifty-four dollars. Tami helped to pick out two blouses that went beautifully with it.

“Mom, can we buy one of them?”

Mrs. Graft heard me asking and said, “No need, young lady. I would like you to try on a nice bra and panty set when you try things on.”

Mom quickly spoke up, “Marlene, This is not needed; I know you are feeling guilty because of the boys. This, however, is too much. I am more than happy to buy some of what she likes.”

Suzie Hammonds has seen us and came over to help. “Hi Jessie, hi Tami.” When she recognized Mrs. Graft she became quiet until Mom and Mrs. Graft said hello to her.

Mrs. Graft says, “I can see by your expression word has gotten around about what my boys had done!”

“I’m sorry Mrs. Graft, but yes. I know you’re a better person than that.”

“Truthfully Miss Hammonds, I’m afraid my own words came back to bite me in their actions.” Mrs. Graft forces out a small smile, “At least I am glad to have the opportunity to know this young butterfly who is emerging. I hope it will change things for your brother Johnny as well.”

Suzie turns her attention to my shopping, “So are you ready to try on some clothes. It looks like you have made some nice selections.”

Jessie speaks up, “I’m to pick out a nice bra and panty set before I try them on.”

Suzie says, “I can help with that but we need to measure you to make sure they’ll fit properly. I can’t put them back after you try them on.” We select a peach panty and bra set. I can feel the difference in the panty, but not much difference with the bra.

Suzie whispers, “As you mature as a girl hopefully you’ll get to experience how nice the bra is as well… Bree, um Johnny wants to thank you; our parents have allowed her to begin transitioning. When you go to your doctor the next time you will meet a new nurse, Diane.”

I interrupt, “I met her this afternoon.” Suzie replies, “Bree had a similar smile when she came home from her visit.”

When I come out to show the first blouse with the skirt; I see two pairs of shoes waiting for me to try on as I model my outfit. There is a two and a half inch pump, I check the size and then smile as Tami and Mom, quickly knowing one of them selected it. I couldn’t believe here I was trying a pretty outfit and mauve colored shoes to go with it. I felt like a little girl getting the chance to be a princess. I stepped in front of a three-sided mirror. I turned this way and that and kept admiring how everything looked.

Tami giggles as she asks, “Are you going to admire yourself all day? You do know there’s some more shopping as well as going to dinner.” Mom hands me another skirt and blouse to try on and wear if it fits properly.

She says, “This outfit is much too pretty to wear to dinner and chance a mess.” The outfit Mom has handed me is pretty and it does fit, but she is right about the first outfit. The second pair of shoes were flats that would go with most outfits in my growing wardrobe.

Mom had given me a new pair of stockings that hugs the top of my legs. I so love this kind.

We go to eat and my Mom encourages me to order deviled crab cakes. It is something I had never eaten before and Jeff wouldn’t have, but I find that I enjoy it very well. Tami had ordered her familiar shrimp Alfredo and we each give the other a good taste of what we were eating. Tami enjoyed the deviled crab something she had not previously tried.

Mom and Marlene each ordered lobster tail as Mom was paying and wanted the day to end in celebration. The waitress was nice enough to take a picture of the four of us. It would soon be on our social networks. Hopefully to dampen the bad news of the day.

The last stop of the day was back at Graft’s store. We picked out some paint to repaint my new bedroom next to Rachel. I was moving to the old guestroom which was being moved up to my old room. I checked through a catalog to order new curtains and a bedspread that went along with it as well as the hardware to hang the curtains on. Mom and Marlene got in a friendly but heated discussion about who was paying how much. Mom had ordered and paid for a curtain and bedspread set for Tami.

Mom and I picked up my stronger prescriptions at the pharmacy before we drove home. I was putting my new clothes away as Mom came to my bedroom and gave me an extra warm hug with tears in her eyes. “Thanks, Mom, but why are you hugging me? I’m the one who needs to thank you.”

She said, “I’ve listened to only a few of the encouraging messages on our answering machine. It reminded me my new daughter is here and I am so proud of you.”

Rachel says, “I should get a hug too, without me transforming my little brother who knows if or when we would have found her.” I could tell that my sister slid her hand down the side of my hips in an unusual fashion. I wasn’t fully surprised when she spoke up, “Jennifer called me and informed me Mrs. Graft bought you some very nice clothes including a special bra and panty set. Would you mind slipping off your skirt so I can see?”

I eagerly did as she asked and went to my closet to show her my new outfit. I was happily showing Rachel as her expression turned sad and to tears. “I’m sorry, it must have been horrifying what you went through.”

All of a sudden I became gripped with fear, my legs became weak and I went to the floor crying. I cried uncontrollably for at least twenty minutes. Rachel and then Mom hugged me, encouraging me to cry it out. I cried all the more, finally asking, “Mom why am I crying?”

She said, “This is what I expected earlier, I guess you were in shock and denial. I think Mrs. Graft’s help allowed you to know you were now safe. But it doesn’t take away what had happened. There are still ugly people out there that is what scares me. “

Rachel asked, “Were any of the messages ugly?” Mom tried to hold her composure but her wide eyes filled with tears said yes.

I asked, “What did they say?”

Mom would only say, “Your father and I will go through the messages. You will be able to see those that will be good for you to see.”

“That better mean some who disagree with what I’m doing? Have you hidden others from me as well?”

Mom quickly gets upset with me, “Hold it right there… young woman, don’t get an attitude with me.” Mom was right I was upset and disrespectful, but I knew friends who were a lot worse with their parents.

“I’m sorry, but had there been previous calls that were mean spirited or hateful,” I asked?

Mom paused, and Rachel spoke up, “Mom, you told me if he found out you’d tell him about them.”

Mom was now defensive and got upset with Rachel. “Rachel I know what I said!”

I suspect there was more and I had wondered at times if I was being watched. “Mom and Rachel have you and others been protecting me. Is that why I was able to go to Riviera Maya?”

They were both very quiet until Mom opened the door and called for my Dad and Rob. “Honey, please get Rob and come into the room here.”

I was again nervous and a bit shook as Dad and Rob came and sat in the room. Mom says, “Jessie is shaken not only by what happened to her today at school, but she has guessed there have been some hateful things said. She has also asked about what we have done to protect or shield her.”

Rob says, “It’s been kind of neat, the stuff a big brother should do for his kid sister. Jacob and I didn’t mind, only once do I think we discouraged someone from doing something stupid.”

Rachel says, “Most of it was if some of Danny’s friends or of mine saw you they would just check and make sure no one was going to bother you.”

I said, “I saw one of your friends get into a fight, was that about me?” Rachel looked down and said, “I’m not sure when was that? I would have to ask.” Her looking down told us both that it was.

I was shaking as my Dad put his arms around me. “Dad I made a decision on my future today and now I find out there are things I didn’t know.”

Dad says, “You made your decision on good information. I don’t think that has changed. I’m sorry, I was the chief one that thought you didn’t need to know. There are some people who think badly about what we’re letting you do. Yes, we have done something to protect or shield you from some of it. We’re not going to share it tonight, except to say we’re hopeful but not sure it’s mostly over.”

“I heard the School Board agreed tonight that you can finish the school year dressing as Jessie, but it will be Jeff on your records until the next school year. If you decide to go as Jessie next year, which I told them you most likely would, they’ll update your records then.”

“Pastor Bernard from Shepherd’s Baptist Church called us and said, ‘He disagrees with what we’re doing but he will be at school in the morning supporting your right to be there. He said Christian love is not mean spirited.’ I am pretty sure Mrs. Grafton and others are supporting you or the idea of respectfully disagreeing. You already know you have many supporters.”

It was 9:30 p.m., our discussion was done and I had taken my shower that I got ready for bed. The only school work I’ll work on was my report about ‘Molly Pitcher and nine other women we had studied about and I look up too.’ It was kind of neat that Ms. Briggs insisted I do this homework. If I hadn’t, I would not have thought about what they did as being part of my story…

To be continued…

Jeff turning 13, dressed in his sister’s clothes and makeup... he didn’t expect to be caught… His sister unexpectedly came home...
Instead of being indignant she helped the blossoming of Jessie... Mom and Dr. Hunt support Jeff in coming out as Jessie... Jessie is now getting to go to school as Jessie…

The School Board agreed at their regular meeting that I can finish the school year dressing as Jessie. I’ll continue being Jeff on my school records until I register for the next school year. I had out a pink and grey plaid skirt out with a cute soft cream sweater for school. I text Tami and later receive messages from Amy and Jayne. It's all about what I was wearing to school.

I was going to lunch when Bobb Bradley steps in front of me. Either way, I step to walk around him, he moves to remain in front of me. Finally, I stopped playing his game, with my hands on my hips in frustration. Finally, I said, “No Bobb I can’t go out with you until I’m fifteen!”

Bobb was trying not to smile and finally said, “Well, we could at least go get an ice cream cone together after school.”

I smiled and asked, “Are you buying?”

Bobb says. “This time will be Dutch treat.”

I blurted out, “I thought you were going to ask Tiffany out!” Bobb and I commiserate our inability to get girls to talk to us. Bobb put up this fingers for me to shush. So I spoke up, “Tiffany, it is you that Bobb wants to take for ice cream!” I turned to Tiffany who is not that far away, “If you will go with him, I’ll find a friend to go with me to make sure you’re safe. But he should buy your ice cream cone.” All the girls giggle as Bobb finally spoke directly to Tiff.

While Bobby and Tiffany are happy; I see Randall and Farley and their friends are disappointed. It later became known they recruited Bobb to do their dirty work. They were ready to knock me down and mess up my clothes. The rest of the day however and the next day were actually quite enjoyable.

It is Thursday before I am being called names again and bumped hard into the walls. Near the end of the day, I am so tired of being hassled. It is now hurting more to be knocked around, so I plop down next to my locker close to tears.

Susan offers me her hand saying, “You need to get up that is no way for a girl to act especially in a skirt.” Once up she took me with her and we ended up in a girls’ restroom. She starts by dabbing my eyes, telling me I was careless in letting my skirt fly up and showing my panties. “There are other girls out there with frustrations every day and you’re the one getting attention. Instead of focusing on those who might not like you, why don’t you show more caring to girls and learn to be a friend.”

I say, “I thought I was doing that.”

“Jessie, you’re a new girl in school. If you want more friends and support, why don’t you quit sulking? People aren't attracted to a sour puss. Other girls have been trying to become your friends but you just say hi and walk on. …Hey, we’re late for class. ...Can I give you a ride to ballet practice later?”

“Ugh,” Amy, Jayne and now Susan are going to be at ballet watching me closely. My dance leggings are colorful and my small dancer skirt is black, I worry about standing out like a sore thumb, and what the other girls were wearing? I should have asked before this.

I’m greeted by Marti, a young dancer from the professional ballet group. She is to be one of our instructors. “Hello, you are joining us at a good time.” She shows me the five positions from which all our dance movements begin. She is limber, flowing like a leaf on a wind. I am like a branch that is stiff and has trouble bending. “Be patient with yourself, most of these dancers have given years to obtaining their dancing prowess. I will work you hard and you will be sore at times. But what I ask you to do, won’t hurt you. I will push you to see how much you are prepared to do and how badly you want to be here.”

Come the end of the session I am worn out and a really bad dancer. I felt what I had done only showed how little I knew. That is until Marti calls me aside as I prepared to leave. “I hope you feel good about what you did today. I did not expect you would do as much as you did. Jayne and Susan will probably agree with me”

“You’re teasing me, aren’t you?”

She put her hands on my hips, having me bend. She has me lift one leg and turn swinging my leg around gracefully. Then she has me lifting the other leg much higher than when I started. “Do you see how much your body has loosened and how you have stretched your muscles? If you want to see that girl in you emerge, I believe ballet will help you immensely. You better be back next week and all this summer. I will be greatly disappointed in you if you do not continue.” She smiled, and then said, “Remember I am your instructor first, I’m not trying to be your best friend. I am pushing you because you have more potential than you presently believe.”

She says, “The other girls got up on their toes earlier in their lives and got used to what it takes to be in ballet. The bigger the girl is when she starts, the bigger baby she is likely to be. I will expect you to get over that soon, I don't put up with big babies.”

I rode home with the other girls and there's a mixture of encouragement along with good teasing. They commiserate with stories about when they started and the bad days they have had. Jayne was the first to comment on what they did not see. “I see someone did something to tuck your little fellow away.” Susan says, “I was happy that when you sweated you smelled like a girl.” Amy giggles, "At least you won't have to worry about your monthly visitor showing through."

Susan said, "Ewe, did you need to say that."

I realized by when I got home, I had a new group of friends. Mom says, “I hope you stick to dancing. From Susan to your instructor Marti, it sounds like you are making some new contacts that will serve you well. More and more of your friends are going to be saying things you need to hear. We are not being negative; it is more a matter of respecting that you are maturing as a girl and you are no longer pretending to be a girl.” Mom pulls me in to hug me, “Jessie, you are now my daughter and the main person in support of your identity, do you see that?”

I am five foot four inches and I should be hitting a growth spurt as Jeff, something I have longed for. I am expected to grow at least as tall and my father at five ten, and I hoped to be six foot tall. With the testosterone blocker and increasing my female hormones Dr. Stoults says, I might grow only another inch or two if I’m lucky. The adjustment is good for Jessie, but it is Jeff’s thoughts that still come to my mind first.

“Yes Mommy, I agree, I am now your daughter. I love Jeff for helping me. I think he might go to school another time or two, but I’m not quite sure.” I sit down with Mom and call Rachel to join us. We light a candle as it seems everyone knew this day was coming before I did. I text Tami and she is soon over as is Margaret from next door. We sit around the candlelit room.

I call Dr. Hunt and she is worried that I called. That is until I tell her, “I’m letting go of Jeff. I think I should feel bad, but I think Jeff is happy to be just Jessie.”

Dr. Elizabeth Hunt asks me to close my eyes, “Where would Jeff like to go?” I wasn’t sure what she meant until I closed my eyes and see Jeff riding on a horse. I wasn’t sure where he's riding to until I see me and he came riding up to me. He got off of the horse. He likes to ride and he came and hugged me. We hugged so long and eventually, there's only me. Jeff is in me; he always will be. I faintly hear Dr. Hunt say, “I am very happy for you. I am very thankful you called and shared this moment with me.”

It is ten thirty before I change for bed. I would be sleeping on a pile of comforters as Tami is to sleep in my bed. Before Margaret went home, she took me to the back door and told me to wait as she went outside. I thought she had gone home but as I am ready to go back to my room, the doorbell rings and I open the door. Margaret smiles, “This is where we first met Jessie. I can’t believe you are kind of the same but oh so different.” Margaret gives me a hug and affectionate kisses; they're all on my cheek.

Tami walks with me back to my room and she is trying to tell me she changed her mind and wants to go home. I look at her and realize her face and body are a little pudgy. I said, “I might be a little jealous if you stay. If you’re having your period I would wish you would stay.”

Tami gives me a squeeze, “I would love to stay if you don’t mind. My mother is concerned my visitor won’t show up until sometime at school. My Mother would be upset if I stay here knowing it has started.”

Friday morning I am a half a street block away from the school when I knew for sure that there are people protesting my coming to school. They're saying ugly things about me in particular and people like how they see us. The police are in between us so I feel relatively safe. Before I crossed the street, my sister and brother arrive to walk with me. Pastor Higgins and Mrs. Graft are there as were others. Even Pastor Bernard is there but Rachel realizes he's having trouble being there. Rachel asks, Pastor Higgins to tell him it was okay for him not to walk through the crowd. Some of the protesters are probably from his church. I didn’t see anyone from our church.

Instead, Pastor Bernard first went to them and asks them to protest respectively. Pastor Bernard stays there quietly in prayer as we walk by. Two people got passed the police and one spit in my face, saying choice words and ugly things as he did it. Several eggs were thrown and more things were said. But we kept slowly walking forward and finally inside of the school.

Finally, I hear my phone ringing and answer it. It is my Dad suggesting I turn around and not go to school. I tell him, “Dad, I’m already in the school safe and sound.”

Dad apologizes, “I am so sorry Jessie that I am not there with you. Is your mother there?” Rachel is signaling me that she has a call.

I say, “Daddy, I think Mommy has called on Rachel’s phone because I already missed answering her call. Please don’t feel sorry; I now have experienced some of the ugly sides of things and I’m okay with it.” Officer Robinson came up to me, “We're sorry that two of the people got through us and to you. We have the man who spits in your face and we believe we have the person who hit Mrs. Graft with an egg. Do you want us to arrest either or both, for you to press charges against them?”

Rachel speaks up, “Is it possible to give them a warning or something, without arresting them. Neither Jessie nor our parents are pressing charges.” Lieutenant Robinson was once our neighbor, he smiles at Rachel and me.

He said, “You know it probably won’t do any good. If they're set on getting arrested they will do something to keep this a problem.”

Rachel says, “We are patient, but they do well not to test our patience. If it continues, I’m sure we will press charges. And if the police press charges even now we would testify honestly.”

I was walking home when I saw people were at our house protesting after school. I walked another block over two blocks before my house. Tami, Tommy and I walked to my house by cutting through one of our neighbor's backyard the block behind us. Mrs. Hanks had called the school and offered me to go through her yard as an alternative way to get home. After I showed myself at the front door of my house most of the crowd soon left. The rest were gone within a half hour after that.

Tami and Tommy helped me to arrange my room differently. I changed out of my school clothes in the bathroom. Tami had gone through my clothes looking for an outfit she wanted to see me wear. Tommy says as he went through my CDs, “Hey, Jessie has your taste in music changed this much in the past few months?”

I thought back to times Tommy and I might have been listening together. “I use to hide what I really like because others might think I was a sissy. I wouldn’t acknowledge I’m a girl. If you search hard enough you should find some CD’s you’d like.”

He smiles, “No this is your place, and your music is good.”

“Tommy,” Tami asks, “Did you enjoy being Jamie as much as it looked the other day?”

He says, “It was neat to do it for Aunt Jamie. That made me feel good, especially when I was able to put some good thoughts together.”

I remark, “It seemed as the school day progressed you were enjoying being a rather cute Jamie. Is that true?

Tommy says, “Yes, it surprised me how girls treated me like I was another girl. I thought my Mom and Amy helped me look okay as a girl. But April and Staci Meiers helped me really look good like I fit in as one of the girls.”

Tami holds up one of the outfits she put out for me. “Would you be interested in dressing up as Jamie, if it’s alright with Jessie?”

Tommy pauses to think and then he looks to me. I say, “You helped me, I would be glad to help you. ...You should use the bathroom to change, but if you want to use makeup, please let me do it. I don’t like someone going through and using my makeup.” Tami giggled, as she said, "Well spoken, like the little diva you're becoming. Like one of the girls."

Once Jamie's out of the bathroom, I ask her to sit down at my new vanity. “You look like a natural in front of this mirror Jamie.” Tommy is happy with my compliment. I start with a little concealer as Jamie has a couple of blemishes that required help. “Jamie, when you change back to Tommy. We should show you how to use a skin cleanser to help your skin stay looking nice. It will be good for Tommy as well as you.”

Mom is home now; she checks in my room to see who is with me. She giggles lightly as it took a minute for her to recognize Jamie. I ask, “Mommy would you mind calling Mrs. Schmidt and see if it would be alright if Jamie went with Tami, April and I to go bowling tonight?”

Mom asks, “I don’t want you dating, but this is one time I wouldn’t mind some guys being with you. Just in case there is a threat of trouble.”

Tami is already ahead of Mom; Matt Jacobs and Tami’s friend Travis will be there and at least two other guys. Darla was hoping to come, but something else came up and she’s going someplace else.

Mom asks Jamie, “So are you going as a girl or as a guy dressed as a girl?”

Jamie asked, “It would be fun if I could pass as a girl, but I doubt I can do that.”

Mom asks, “If a boy didn’t know who you are, I think you would pass easy enough. Are you planning to become a girl like Jessie?”

Jamie says, “No, honestly I’m a crossdresser. There’s a definite difference between your daughter Jessie and me. My goal is to fall in love with a girl who’s comfortable with me getting in her clothes now and then. I want to be a Dad and I love women like a guy.”

Mom finally calls Mrs. Schmidt, “I’m calling because Jamie is over here wanting to go out with the girls bowling. The other girls are planning to sleep over. If Jamie would like to sleep over, she is welcome if she behaves like another girl.”

Mom says, “Jamie, your mother would like to talk to you. She is willing to bring Jamie’s night clothes over.”

Rachel gave us a ride to Strike N’ Spare Bowling Lanes and pauses long enough to make sure Matt Jacobs is there. He is there with four other guys and two more couples. One of the people is Jayne Sawyer who threw her first ball down the alley after tip-toeing. “She did so like a ballerina. It helped to begin the night on a funny note and break the tension.

It's the seventh frame of our second set of games. I had waited for the bowlers on each side of me to bowl their turns. I am concentrating hard as I'm bowling a good game. That is unusual for me. Matt then stepped up like he was going to bowl before me and I panic. I hurriedly move to throw my ball and as I swung my arm to let go of the ball my feet went out from under me. The ball went up in the air, and landed two feet from me and then rolled into the gutter. My skirt flew up and I landed hard on my butt and I swore as it hurt.

Matt wants to help me but I yell at him saying it is his fault that I rushed. He asks me, “Jessie do you want to roll your second ball? If not I think you and I should bow out and let the others continue to play.”

I asked, “Why would you quit your game if I’m hurt?”

Matt said, “I thought you’re my date and if you’re not playing I should quit and be with you.”

April reminds everyone, “Her Mom thinks she’s too young to date.”

I hurried to hug and thank Matt for being so sweet. I gave Matt a hug and a kiss. Travis spoke loud enough for others to hear, “Matt make sure you don’t let your hands drop any lower. If her tush turns black and blue, you don’t want others accusing you of manhandling her.”

After bowling, we went for pizza and by then it began to hurt to sit down. When I went to the women’s room, I hated the idea of sitting down on the toilet. But I had already put off peeing. It was no longer an option, but a necessity.

I hadn’t realized I had cried and messed up my makeup until I look in the mirror and see a girl who looked more like a raccoon. “Tami, why didn’t you tell me I look like a mess?” Tami did help me to clean off the mess caused by mascara running. Tami says, “I warned you when you bought that cheap mascara.”

We're on our way back to our table when two college girls stepped in front of us. I am afraid there was going to be a fight or trouble. The girl J.C. finally spoke up. “We were sorry someone hurt you and that you cried and messed up your makeup. We want to invite you over to our table to make sure you are safe.”

Tami and I were relieved and thanked them. Tami suggests I go sit with them and explain what happened. When I mentioned I had trouble sitting. The other girl, Aubrey, said she has a padded seat for me. I'm embarrassed because when I went to sit with them, Aubrey’s lap was to be my padded seat.

J.C. said, “You do know better than to go back into an abusive relationship, don’t you? I saw you were afraid when we came up to talk to you.” There were five college girls in all, so I felt a need to explain.

I said, “I’m sorry but I was afraid of what you wanted when you came up to us. Some people don’t like that I came out saying I’m a girl.” Aubrey gives me a warm hug, “You, you’re the T-girl we’ve heard about. It's nice to meet you. We’re sorry, we didn’t mean to add to your worries, but we’re happy to know you.”

J.C. says, “I’d love being a friend, but I need to let you know I’m a psych major. I wouldn’t want you to find out later and think I’m studying you.”

“Can I ask, why then you’d like to be a friend to a thirteen-year-old?”

JC says, “Good question: the answer is college is kind of an isolated community of twenty-somethings, a few older students and usually older instructors. I’m going to be a junior and I stay here year round. I'm used to family and miss my younger sisters.” I get JC information and go back to my friends. I too was interested in possibly becoming friends.

Matt asked me if I was okay when I got back to my group. I think he was unhappy that I took time with the others.

After Matt drove Tami and April home, he took me last. I thought he would stop in front of the house and I would say goodbye and that would be it. Matt stops and clasped my hand in his. He has a silly smile on his face. “I don’t know how to say this. Since I first saw you as Grandma Stevens’ granddaughter, I’ve been attracted to you. When I learned you were a guy, I stayed attracted to Jessie.”

I said, “It has been weird for me too. My body says I’m a boy, but I’m not and I like you too.”

Matt scratches his head, “But what should I do?”

I say, “If you see me as Jessie, you could get out when I do and walk me to the door. If you don’t shy away I might kiss you. You have been very nice to me tonight. I thought it was special. If you’d rather not stay in the car or step back and give me a handshake.” With a smile, I reached and opened the door on my side. I was glad to hear his door open as well. Matt even scooted around the car as I closed my door. I liked that he offered me his hand.

I stared back and forth from Matt to the windows in front of the house, no sign of anyone looking. Matt does ask, “If your Mom is watching us, what will she say if we kiss.”

“Hopefully she will say something like, ‘I guess she sees herself as a girl.’” I turn to Matt and raise onto my toes to give him kiss. It was going to be on the cheek, but as he closed his eyes I kissed him on his lips. It was going to be very short but Matt quickly held me at my waist and leans into the kiss. I had my lips closed but his lips were open just a crack. It felt like he wanted to kiss me even more as I drew back.

I could feel my face grow warm and knew I was blushing. I did look up into his eyes. I gave him an extra hug before I let go and quickly stepped inside. I heard Matt muttering to himself, “Did I do too much?” I answered through the door wondering if he would hear me, “No, it was very nice.” Matt says to himself, “Yes!” Jeff knew how he felt.

Mom was coming into the room as I was falling back leaning on the door, “What was very nice,”, she asks?

I was embarrassed but covered myself saying, “Our night out.” I explain that I had fallen while bowling and cried a little bit. “Tami didn't tell me my mascara was a mess until with went for a snack. And I got upset with her and the other girls.”

Mom said, “When I grew up that was a lesson about buying cheap mascara. I think it is kind of a rite of passage for a girl growing up. You should be happy, it means you’re now growing and having the experiences of being a girl. Like a first kiss that you’ll have some time.”

Did she know?

My shower was accompanied by some growing sensations as I washed; I also felt my body grow warm. The sensations were there again when I patted myself dry. I was wearing a nice pair of pajamas when Rachel knocked and came into my room. “So Sprout did you have a nice evening as I did?”

It was her first time with Zac as her date. I don’t understand why she was anxious as she’s very pretty and someone everyone seems to like if not love. I guess I should worry more.

“I am no longer Sprout, I’m your sister.”

Rachel corrects me, “You’re my little sister Sprout! So how was your night out? Mom says she thinks you had a special time but aren’t talking about it.”

“I told Mom we went bowling and it was a good time until I slipped, fell on my tush as I threw the ball which went up in the air and made a loud bang when it hit. “I think my buns are going to be bruised in the morning.” There I shared.

“So something was very nice if you still had a very nice time,” Rachel says. I told her about meeting JC, Aubrey and three others from the University. “That’s neat, we should invite JC over sometime if she means it. But what was more special than that?”

I tell her, “I don’t have to tell you everything.”

Rachel smiles, “I just want to know if it ended with a kiss or did it go further than that?”

I’m frustrated that Rachel, mom and even Tami have a way of reading me. “Yes, I kissed him at the door. He sees me as a girl if that is alright with you. But how did you know?”

Rachel giggled, “Mom thought so as your lipstick was smeared.” Rachel steps over and gives me a warm hug without saying more.

I said, “Can I say something without you reading more into it?” Rachel nodded her head. “My body felt something when we kissed. It also happened when I showered. It was like my breasts and body had sensations from being touched and having warm feelings. They were even more dramatic from when we were at Riviera Maya. Don’t laugh at me but do you think my body might already be developing?”

Rachel sat down on the edge of my bed and patted it for me to sit down. “Yes, this is one of the good things about having a Big Sister. Mom and I were wondering if you were starting to develop and have felt like other girls. The doctor told Mom they won’t be as great as another girl’s. …I told Mom, they would probably feel strong and wonderful to you.”

Rachel’s smile grew as she caught me trying to rub or scratch through my breast forms without being noticed. “Do you feel an itch under your forms?” She paused, “Does that match up with the sensations you felt earlier?” She says, “It happens at a time when a girl’s nipples are budding. …If you can, let’s wait till morning before we take off the forms and check.” She says, “I’m not telling Mom about the kiss or what you’re feeling. However, I hope you will tell if the sensation begins to grow more.”

I asked, “What do you mean ‘grow more’?”

“Your breasts did start growing before but your hips growing now and your waist changing means this is more than in the past response to some small hormone dose.” …Rachel says, “I hope you can focus on your exams this coming week. I know when I started to bud, I was so happy I couldn’t always concentrate on what I was to do.”

“So you don’t think I’m crazy. I thought you were going to tell me a boy shouldn’t think about things like that.”

Rachel says, “I don’t think of you as a boy any longer.”

I had trouble sleeping as I thought about becoming a girl. I was up at five in the morning and made coffee and mixed up some pancake batter for breakfast when the others woke. It was six thirty when Mom came into the kitchen. She said, “Thanks for making the coffee. Please, the next time, wait until after six and on weekends you can wait until seven o’clock. I would have liked to sleep in, but the aroma teased me until I got up. Why are you awake, so early?”

I didn’t want to tell her as Rachel was going to help me take my forms off and to look and see if my breasts were growing. “I was going to wait for Rachel. She was going to help me take off my breast forms to clean them and myself.”

Mom said, “Don’t you mean you’re going to check and see if your nipples are budding and your breasts are getting puffy?” Mom is gone for a moment and back quickly. I recognized the solution to loosen the glue that keeps my forms on. Mom takes me by the hand and we return to my bedroom. She asks me to take off my pajamas and to lie and on my back on my bed.

Come seven thirty Rachel was the next one awake and out to see what was going on. Mom and I were in the big stuffed rocker by then, cuddled up together. Mom was singing to me, when Rachel asked, “Why are you on Mom’s lap with her singing like you’re her little baby?”

I try to answer, but Mom stops me. She says, “My little girl is growing up. She wanted to share the discovery between you and her, but I caused her to change her schedule. Do you remember when your breasts started budding? …There will be no question whether it is Jessie or Jeff going to school next year.”

We were soon in the kitchen when there was a quiet knock on the back door. I had text Tami earlier and she had come to check on me. I couldn’t believe how happy Rachel and Tami are for me. Mom allowed me to show off my budding breasts to them.

Tami said, “Where did Jeff go. All of a sudden even without makeup Jeff has disappeared without a trace, I only see Jessie.” A surprised look soon appeared with Mom and Rachel. I finally looked in my reflection in a mirror and it was true. I could only see Jessie. There would be a couple of times if I brushed my hair wrong or dressed in bulky clothes there would be a glimpse of Jeff.

The next week at school, we were either having exams, studying for the next one or turning in books. Friday, we still officially had school but math class would have number games, social studies had movies pertaining to history or the space program.

After I discovered my breasts were growing I was determined I was going to school without breast forms. Mom took me on Sunday to buy two padded bras. Unfortunately, I chickened out on Monday and Tuesday and wore the breast forms. Wednesday, I finally did not wear them, but when I met Tami and April, they spoiled my fun of telling them. Tami says, “The cheery girl has gone 'el natural'.”

I pouted saying, “Why couldn’t you just let me say it first?” April said, “We would have but you were smiling too much. It was like you were inviting us to guess. Tami knew you had planned to do it on Monday and Tuesday. You were upset with yourself when you didn’t do it. Today you came bouncing along like a little girl with a new dress.”

Tami says, “We’re very happy for you, but you took away our Ken doll. Now you’re just one of us.” April gives me a swat on my butt, saying, “Almost.” Tami says, “Cruel, she’s paid her dues; she’s one of us.”

Thursday, many of the girls decided Friday, the last day of school would be a dress-up day. “Hey, every girl who wants to should wear a nice dress and we’ll do each other’s nails, makeup and fix hair. If the school doesn’t like it they can send us home early.”

Thursday after school was another ballet day. I knew how to warm up and stretch. Marti helped me learn to spin properly so I would get dizzy. I did a lot of practicing with the other girls. No, I was not doing all they did, but I was learning the same steps and how to spin from them.

The last day of school is usually lucky to have 60% of the students attend. This year we had over 80% and probably close to 90% of the girls. Tami, April and I each brought an extra outfit for other girls. I actually had two outfits.

Sondra the girl who wore mine had plenty of room to grow into it but she still looked very pretty in it. Near the end of school, I asked if her mom would be okay if I gave it to her. “My Mom will if there is something I can do for you?” We thought for a while what she had to share or what she could do for me.

Sondra finally said, “What if I would teach you to play softball and get you onto my team?”

“I would like that and it will work since I have another outfit you could have.” It's a full skirt that compliments a print blouse. It was pretty, but it would look nicer on Sondra because she had bigger breasts than me. Tami and my Mom both agreed I would need to stuff my bra too much to wear it. Even then it looked unnatural.

Sondra said, “Thank you, thank you. I usually get one new outfit along with some jeans and slacks for the start of the new school year. …This will give me three outfits come the start of the new school year. …Will it be okay if this is our secret? So come next September it will appear I just have better clothes?”

Sondra said, “I hope when we are together this summer we can sing together. You have a better voice than Jeff did, but you still need practice singing girl parts.”

I said, “Rachel and Tami both say that but I thought I’m pretty good.” Sondra giggles, “If you noticed when you sing with others you are like a back-up singer. I’m not saying you’ll become the lead soloist, but you already do have a nice voice.”

I agreed after I took my books and school stuff home that I would go over Sondra’s house. She lives four blocks to the south of the school. One of my old friends Lou lives near there, but he has stayed away from me since Jessie began to show her colors.

I am surprised that Lou is at Sondra’s when I get to her house. I’m even more surprised to realize that Sondra is painting his nails. Lou looks up looking sheepishly. He says, “I bet you’re surprised?”

I say, “I’m not only surprised, but I’m also upset and wondering why you’ve been staying away from me.”

Sondra and Lou speak up together but Lou takes over. “You don’t understand, it is even more difficult when you’re poorer. Sunny and I have been friends forever. We’ve played dress-up since first grade. She’s the only one who knows.” I could tell by Sondra’s expression that some others probably know. “I’m not a girl, I just enjoy dressing as Louise.”

Looking at Louise with only the start of her makeup, I wonder how I hadn’t seen it before. Lou said, “I thought that was really nice you let Sondra wear that outfit today. That you gave it and another pretty outfit was extra special.”

Sondra told Lou, “Shush, this is a girls’ time. Louise can speak but it’s not about you two.” Sondra gives me a big hug. “There are not a lot of girls my age in our neighborhood. It is nice to have another girl here.”

I asked Louise, “Do you have an outfit to dress in? I expect Tami and April might be coming over in about ten minutes.”

Louise spoke and I’m impressed with her voice. Louise dressed in the bathroom; she has a simple jeans skirt, a light yellow top with puffy sleeves and one can see the outline of a bra underneath. She makes a cute girl. We no sooner help her finish her makeup and the doorbell rings.

It is Tami and April, but instead of coming in Tami says, “We’re all going to the mall. My Mom says it’s a girls’ celebration.” Tami sees Louise and is surprised there is another girl, but she smiles. “Mom’s SUV has the room. It just might be a snug fit after we shop.”

Louise and Sondra both enjoy the time of being out with other girls. Mrs. Johnson already was planning to give Sondra twenty dollars of spending money and I was able to give Louise some of my shopping money. April said to Louise, “You remind me of someone at school but I can’t think of whom it is.”

I enjoyed the fact and yet was jealous that I had lost some of the attention. I did get a short summer skirt in the sports clothes. It has a matching panty. Sondra bought a similar skirt. She and I both relished buying little adornments at Claire’s - earrings, pinkie rings and stuff for our hair. Louise kind of shadows Tami and April trying on similar outfits to them. She is very thrifty with her money.

The saleswoman at Maurice’s senses that Louise might not have much to spend. She asked to speak to Louise alone. “I hope you won’t be offended if I offer to you the possibility of buying a skirt where the lacework was damaged a little. I saw you like the style your friend Tami is looking at.” She said, “Someone pulled a string damaging one skirt, in hopes that I would discount it for her. Well, I can’t reward behavior like that.”

She got the damaged skirt and the lacework could easily be prepared, except the store wasn’t going to do it. “Would you like to try on the skirt, make sure you like it and that it fits?” Louise did and she and all of us loved it. Mae the sales person took Louise aside and offered the fifty-nine dollar skirt for ten dollars. Louise jumped as an excited girl giggling, Sondra whispers to me, “One can’t help but be happy for her. I think she’s only a crossdresser, but she loves lace and I haven’t seen her in anything close to being that pretty.”

The last surprise of the outing is Jessie’s Brother Rob calling. “Hey Sis, Jacob asked me, if I would go to a movie with Tami if he took you. Mom said you’re with Sondra and April as well as Tami. We know two other guys who would go to the movies with us if you’ll go with Jacob.”

Jessie puts her phone on speaker phone, “Brother, we’re already at the mall were you planning on taking us to the theaters here? But before you answer, there are five girls here. Sondra’s friend Louise is with her overnight tonight.”

Rob asks, “Do you think Louise would like to go to the movies with Hank Boyer?” Louise looks like a girl caught between being excited and being afraid. Sondra whispers, “Yes, she would love too.”

Jessie says to her brother, “You know quite well Mom won’t let me go if this is seen as a date?”

Everyone could hear Rob’s laugh, “Mom was hoping you’d say that but told me tonight was an exception. But the guys would need to treat the girls for something to eat as well.”

Jessie asks, “Does that mean, we need to dress up?”

Jacob spoke up, “Nothing real fancy but nice would be good. We told the guys good jeans or better.”

Jessie and her friends were still at Maurice’s so she looked to Mae. Mae shook her head yes, “You can change here if you don’t use more than two dressing rooms at a time.”

Mrs. Johnson says, “Tell the boys, you should be ready by 6:15 if they want to eat before the movie. I suggest you girls choose the movie. There’s two I’d rather you don’t go to.”

To be continued…

Things started with Jeff turning 13 years old, dressing in his sister’s clothes and makeup; he didn’t expect to be caught… His sister discovering him cross-dressing began the blossoming of Jessie... Life has changed and for the first time in her life she sees herself totally as Jessie and that she has absorbed Jeff into being her.

Previously: The last surprise of the outing was Jessie’s Brother Rob calling her. “Hey Sis, Jacob asked me, if I would go to a movie with Tami if he takes you. … I said, “You need to know, there are five girls here.

Now: The boys finally arrived a little late and it took even more time to agree about the movie. Something to eat would now need to wait until after the movie.

Tami saw me watching Louise once we were in the theater and said to me: “Don’t be watching Louise all that closely. You have fun being with Jacob, and just make sure he doesn’t have too much fun with you.”

I said to Tami, “No way, would Jacob act up and try to go too far. It’s not like he sees me as a regular girl. He’d be too afraid of my parents.”

Tami lightly giggled, “He knows who you are and he’s the one who pushed for the date. I’m pretty sure he likes the candy he sees. About your parents, he’s quite likely to see how far he can get. He expects you to be quiet if you let him go further than he should.”

Tami changes the subject, “And I don’t want you to be watching your brother. I doubt little sister has a realistic view of her brother, so don’t be watching us.”

Each guy paid for the girl with him, buying the movie tickets and the refreshments. It was kind of funny as everyone was on good behavior well through half the movie. Most of the guys had finished the popcorn within ten minutes of the start of the movie.

Since my outfit was nice, part of it new, I had mixed feelings about Jacob’s greasy hands holding mine or being around my shoulders. He was nice; truthfully he was too nice. I wanted him to cuddle me closer to him. It took two times of me nudging before he got the clue. I had been getting chilled, his warmth felt good. There was a time I looked at him and he was staring but wasn’t sure what to do.

I asked, “Are you afraid of me?” He shook his head no. Then I said, “I’d be happy if you gave me at least a small kiss.”

He said, “But it’s only our first date?” He paused, “I guess, I’ve been over your house enough times, but please don’t tell on me.”

I said, “My lips are sealed …for a kiss.” I was afraid I would feel like Jeff being kissed by another boy, but if Jeff was there he must have liked it too.

All the girls agreed when we talked later, being with older boys was different and mostly better. Sondra whispered in my ear, “I think Louise had some pent-up feelings. I think she and Hank had the best time of all of us.”

With school out for the summer, I was able on Wednesday to see Dr. Kim Stoults at 2:00 p.m. and Dr. Beth my counselor at 5:00. Rachel took me to the appointments. Mom hoped to be at the last appointment. Rachel and I got to do some window shopping between appointments.

Dr. Kim Stoults warmly greeted me, “I see you aren’t wearing your breast forms. Is that just because of your appointment?” Dr. Kim used her stethoscope to listen to my heart and lungs. Working her way over and around my growing breasts. She asks me, “Now watch how I check your breasts. I want you to be doing this once a month from now on. I am not expecting you to find any lumps, but a woman should still check for the possibility.”

She said, “Do you see how your aureoles are forming bumps around the edges as they are touched? Have you noticed your nipples being aroused? This is a normal and healthy sign that you are maturing. I recommend however that you do not seek to become sexually active at this time.” She waits until I’m again looking at her, “Has your mother begun talking to you about your body and being a girl?”

I was happy to say “Yes. She’s been good at doing that, but it feels strange. Talking to her is a bit uncomfortable for me. It is not like I’m going to have to worry about becoming pregnant or anything.”

Dr. Kim sat across from me and she said, “You should be careful just the same. If another girl asked about your period or a boy about you protecting yourself. It might send the wrong message if you act like it doesn’t matter. While getting pregnant shouldn’t happen, there are no guarantees. You are not exempt from getting STDs or bacteria that can cause a vaginal infection; which can be real trouble. Above anything, you should respect yourself.”

After examining me, Dr. Stoults asked, “Do you know what a vagina gaff is?” I was embarrassed, I said, “I read the information on the internet.” She said she would give me the information I could trust. Then she showed me one, saying you might want to talk to your mother about wearing one. It would be something you could use with little to no help from others after a while. And if someone got a peek at you down there, they probably would not notice it’s an appliance. There are some that look more realistic. I think it is something you should wear if you go back to school as Jessie in the new school year.”

We reviewed my medications: the testosterone blocker would be maintained; she raised, my hormone therapy cocktail, as she calls it, and gave me a prescription for a special skin cream. “Hopefully, since you haven’t gone through puberty as Jeff, maybe your female glands will begin functioning at a higher level, closer to other girls.” She told me, "It is not likely but something I'll be looking at with future blood tests and checking your hormone production to see develop so you can live as a girl without the supplements.

Dr. Stoults asked, “Would you mind if Rachel came back to end our visit? A lot of these terms and instructions will be easier for her to remember and share with you and your Mom later.”

During our window shopping, Rachel and I had an enjoyable sister talk. The only thing we bought was a necklace from me to Rachel. I loved I bought something so delicate and pretty for her. Growing up I had bought her and mom gaudy Christmas jewelry. I hadn’t realized it was cheap and probably wasn't even nice. More times than not she’d wear it and give her little brother a kiss saying ‘Thank you.’

We’re a long way from Christmas, but I didn’t want to wait.

I had thought Dr. Hunt would be happy for me when I arrived for my appointment. “Jessie, I know you made an important decision, but I think you need to take more time to make sure it is the correct decision. The important thing here is that you know who you are. You need to gain a good understanding of who you are as Jessie.”

I asked her if she remembered how her body felt when her breasts started to grow, at least then I saw a smile and a little glow on her face. I was upset she wouldn’t talk about her experiences. She said, “We’re here to talk about you. How do you feel as Jeff in letting that part of you go?”

“I don’t want to talk about Jeff, I’m just Jessie. He’s now totally part of me.”

Dr. Beth said, “It is not healthy if you are stuffing him down in a secret place like Jessie felt for so long.”

“I was sad Jessie was hidden away so many years. I’m happy to be out and free finally.”

“Okay, Jess how did it feel to be hidden away for so long? When did Jeff first acknowledge you were there?”

Jessie said, “I was me when I played with Rachel's dolls underneath my blankets. But my Mom would always put them back in Rachel’s room.”

Dr. Beth asked, “Is Jeff needing to be himself at night when the lights are off?”

“No, I really like being me. It’s like Jessie’s always been me and I was in the wrong body.”

I was glad that at the end of my appointment Mom’s there. It was kind of decided today we would wait until the end of June to request my name to officially be changed to Jessica.

I was tickled that I had messages and calls both from Matt Jacobs and Jacob Andrews. Mom was not pleased and reminded me quite strongly that I wasn’t to be dating. Jake would be over the following day. When he and my brother went to the park to play basketball with other guys. I went along to watch.

I was flattered when Jake acknowledge I'm a bigger girl. It was sad that my Mom didn’t understand. He and I agreed come Saturday that I would act like I was staying home being really tired. Around 9:30 that evening I would sneak out my window and get away with Jake.

I called and went over to Tami’s and be with her and April. We were on Tami’s computer searching sites for clothes fashions, summer hairstyles, and swimsuits. I was disappointed when Tami wasn’t excited about me getting together with Jake. She was actually jealous and said it wasn’t a good idea.

I thought when she saw me with Jake she would understand, but instead, she said, “Jessie, you are trying to grow up too fast. He wants more than you understand.”

Tami was back over at my house when my Mom approached me, “Jessie are you planning to go behind our backs and meet with Jacob tonight?”

I was so angry at Tami, “How dare you, Tami, I thought you’re my friend. F**k, you should have kept your big mouth to yourself.” Tami tried first denying that she said anything and then. I tried to hit her and chase her out of the house until my Mom stopped me and I ran to my room.

Mom asked Tami, “Tami, please stay here for a moment.”

Mom then came to my room, where I was still infuriated. “Mom, I’m a teenage girl. I’m a big girl, not a little child! Tami was to be a friend, not a little tattle-tale.”

“Jessie, be quiet and own up to what you’ve done,” Mom said. I wasn’t having any of it and I told my mother so. She said, “I wish you were a little girl and that I spanked my girls. Now sit up and listen!” I had never heard my Mom speak so strong like that. It caught my attention and I sat up like I was told.

She said, “I was the one who asked Tami what you two were doing tonight. When she told me you were too tired to go out tonight; I remembered as Jeff you would say something similar. You acted tired and were going to sleep, but you already planned to sneak out. I asked her what you two were planning? She said she and April were going out without you. I asked her what you were planning to do, but she said she wasn't sure. When I asked if she wasn't sure or afraid to say, I knew.”

Mom knew she had my attention, when she said, “I asked if it was with Matt or Jacob. I could tell by her eyes it was with Jacob." Mom said, "Jacob sees you as a very pretty girl. He has no trouble seeing you like a big girl. Do you want the reputation that could come with your actions tonight?”

“Mom, I’m not like that. Jacob’s a good guy, he wouldn’t.”

Mom sits down next to me and takes my hands, “Jessie when your sister, the doctors, and I tell you to take time to grow like a girl. We’re not talking down to you. I’m sorry but you have little idea how nice it feels when a guy touches you. One thing you probably would not do is feel like you wanted to stop. One of you, if not both, would want to enjoy the moment more.”

“Part of me is happy that you’re becoming the young woman you want. But I’m not happy at all about the way you were planning on sneaking out tonight!” Mom was now holding me, kind of a hug, but she was shaking like she’s scared for me. “I know you’re probably going to be with a guy sometime before I want. But I want you to promise you’ll give yourself time to grow and mature as a young woman. I want you to know yourself before some guy tries to help define you. Can you agree to that?”

I didn’t intend to cry, but I did. I thought of Tami, “Mom, do you ever think Tami will be my friend again after how I treated her?”

Mom said, “I asked her to wait, she might still be out there. Go talk to her.”

“But I’m too embarrassed.”

“If you want to be a woman, it starts here.” Mom gave me a hug and a push toward the door. I didn’t want to go talk to Tami right now, but she’s my best friend.

Tami was near the outside door still ready to leave when I asked her to stay. “You hurt me, Jessie. I didn’t tell your Mom but I was thinking about it. You could have messed yourself up big time. My Mom would have shot me if I acted as you did.”

I wasn’t proud, and kind of hurt, “Can you forgive me for how I acted? I was glad you hadn’t left, though I would have deserved it.” Tami stepped toward me and I was quickly over to hug her and I cried about how sorry I was. Tami gave a mean pinch to my butt and I retorted, “What was that for?”

She said, “I wanted you to remember how big of a pain in the butt you can be. You hurt me a lot more than that pinch.” Tami wiped my tears from my eyes and I wiped hers. We both smiled and I fixed ourselves both some lunch.

Rob soon came through the back door and the way he stared, I knew that he knew about Jake and me. He said with a little anger, “You can forget what you planned with Jake. I told him he better not come over for a few days. And if you don’t want Mom and Dad to know you better not say anything to me!”

I said, “Mom already knows and I’m in trouble. So are you happy now?” Rob looked to Tami wondering if I was telling the truth. She nodded her head, yes.

Tami and I went to my room where we talked a lot more. She called April and we were asked to go to April’s house. Mom said I was grounded on our property. I didn’t think it was fair to my friends nor did I want to tell April what happened.

Tami and I played girlsgogames on my computer until Tami wanted to do more. Rachel was home by when Tami left. She had a date to get ready for but found more than enough time to give me a serious talk.

She said, “I’m sorry to hear you got in trouble with Mom and Dad. But it is better you got caught now. Then if you got away with it and in trouble later.” Rachel sat down across from me. We just talked and she got across her points without preaching to me. She saw the girlsgogames and clicked onto it. She said, “You know along with the fun of dressing up and gaining different looks it can be fun to just sit back and enjoy being a girl.”

Rachel, “Do you remember my prom dress? I was so excited when I bought it, but it was you who helped me to take the time to enjoy it.” She took me to her room and went through the clothes in her closet. She pulled out a dress that was really pretty but she had outgrown it. She asked, “Would you please put this on?”

I was a bit self-conscious when I began to take off my clothes, down to my panty and bra. Rachel had taken the dress off its hanger and handed it to me. I had undone the buttons and stepped into the dress. It was lined and felt wonderful as I put it on. It fit very nicely, but since Rachel and my body were not the same there was a bit of difference in how it fitted me. Yet I enjoyed it immensely. Rachel said, “If you like it you can have it, but Mom or someone will need to help make it fit properly.”

I swept the dress under me as I sat down. But there was no special event to go to. I quickly understood that would take time. It wasn’t going to be just any dance I would want to wear this dress too. I would want to get it properly fitted, and it might need to have adjustments as my body changes. Fashions might be different come the time to wear it.

Yes, I wanted to be as great and beautiful as my sister is now, but that wasn’t going to happen. My sister changed for her date and with nothing special, she already looked beautiful. What she would be wearing was simple and appropriate for the night.

While we’re talking, Cousin Molly who married Keith Connors called. Rachel turned on her laptop and we were soon looking at pictures from the wedding. Molly looked even more beautiful than Rachel, especially in her wedding dress. There were pictures of Rachel and Mom, and each of them is beautiful. Finally, I see a picture of me. I’m not fully comfortable seeing pictures of me, but I did look pretty. Somehow I felt good that I probably even look prettier now. I know now the appearance of breasts was now really me. My complexion was now more naturally that of a girl. Makeup helps but it isn’t needed the same as before.

Rachel had turned on the camera on her computer. It is nice to see and visit with Molly. She seems pleasantly surprised, “Jessie, you’re changing and I like what I see.” Molly and Keith would be coming for a visit in a few weeks and wanted to know if we’d go to a beach on Lake Michigan with them. She says, “Keith has a cousin who is hoping to visit while we are there, will that be okay with you Jessie?”

I told her, “It will be especially nice since I won’t be grounded then.” Needless to say, Molly asked about me being grounded.

Molly smiles and said, “You’re a normal girl wanting to be more grown-up than you are. Take your time there are more boys and maybe even a girl or two. Do you still have eyes for your friend Tami?” I hadn’t remembered that she knew. “You still find yourself attracted to her or other girls some don’t you?”

I look to Molly on the screen and Rachel next to me. I’m glad it is a safe time and place to acknowledge. “I’m not sure where I’m at. I find myself very attracted to Tami and another at the ballet that is a dancer two years older than me. But I find I like the attention of Jacob and Matt as well.”

Rachel says, “I remember a time like that.” Molly says, “Yes Jessie, I can’t speak for someone having boy parts, but you do sound like my sister and several girls I know.”

Mom walked into the room, behind us and Molly saw her. “Aunt Terri, Keith, and I are planning to come for a visit in two weeks.

Mom said, “Right now Jessie’s grounded I’m not sure you would want a fickle teenage girl around you.”

Molly said, “I did not get to have enough time with Jessie around the wedding. I know Luis the man who did our wedding hopes she will come back not only for her wedding but after she has become herself. He says she is like a beautiful bird that was not meant to ever be caged.

"I asked him what he meant and he would only say she would blossom. But he also said, ‘Caged she would never have birthed a child.’”

Mom and I simultaneously said, “That is impossible.”

Mom said, “Enough said for now. We will talk more when you come. You can join Rachel, I, and Jessie’s friends who are helping her to become a teenage girl.”

Before Molly said good-bye, “I have a friend who sews and makes dresses and costumes for Broadway. She is making a dress for Jessie.”

Mom interrupted, “We can’t afford that.”

“She’s not selling it to you. She’s making it for Jessie. It will be a pretty skater dress, appropriate for summer dance. She’s been contracted to work for Chicago’s summer theatre. She will do the last of the fitting when I get there. She has already started working in Chicago. Please relax, it is something she wants to do. Jessie, I think you will love it.”

Thursday, I went to ballet practice and I told Marti I would miss next week as I would be away seeing my cousin.

She told me, “I am glad you told me because I will work you extra hard today and give you something to practice next week at this time.” We were halfway through the morning session and Marti has me stretch into a full split. The pull I felt as I was fully down into the split came with a burning feeling.

She says, “I am glad you went down all the way; I am sure you’re feeling some pain. Now roll your right leg around, turning your body and coming to the left leg and continue until you are back into the full split again.” She smiles as I followed her direction, “You told me you’re in transition. We might as well inform that little man down there that a girl is to occupy that spot.” I blush, I was sure the other ballet girls heard what she said. They began to sing, “Goodbye Jeff, goodbye Jeff, we hate to see you go.”

One practice was made tough enough, but true to her word Marti had me stay for another session. She shared a sandwich with me and I drank some water. To begin the afternoon session, Marti had me sit as she slipped my feet into a nice pair of ballet slippers. “Now young lady, we will be taking you, steps further. Seek to become comfortable in your ballet shoes, tights, tutus, and your hair up in a bun whenever it is appropriate. You need not always agree with what we ask. If you want to be a ballerina there is a discipline and mentality that you are responsible for. Someday, I hope it will seem natural to you.”

It was fifteen minutes into this practice when I went up on my toes doing a twirl as Marti instructed me. I wanted to cheer, instead, I was asked to do it over and again; five more times and it was hurting. I cried to Marti and all she said, “Yes, I know the feeling. Some night when you are dancing for us, I will not excuse you to stop. I will ask you before we end this session to go up on your toes again. No disrespect but I do not see most boys being as tough as girls.”

We spent more time at the ballet bar for one foot or the other upon the rail, stretching myself in directions and further than I would have been able even the week before.

Come, the end of practice, Marti asked, “Jessie, your feet are down to a size 7, while I am happy, quite frankly I am surprised. I wanted to make sure you are not doing anything you should not be. I also want to ask, if your change might continue?”

I gently took off my new ballet slippers asking, “Ms. Stone, do I pay you or someone else for my ballet slippers? I need to thank whoever got them, I really appreciate it.”

She beamed, “You are welcome; they are my gift to you. You are the first dancer who has started with me as her instructor.”

I had called my Mom to pick me up and I kept my slippers out of my bag. I hugged them to my breasts. Mom greeted me and hugged me as I got in the car. Mom said, “I didn’t know you were getting ballet slippers today. How much did they cost you?”

“Mom, Marti Stone bought them for me, they’re brand new aren’t they beautiful? She said They’re her gift to me because I’m her first new student, isn’t that neat.” I remembered and joyfully shouted, “Mom, I got up on my toes today. I did it so much they began to hurt but I became okay with that. It was so neat.”

My mother said, “I don’t remember you ever happy that you hurt and worked through it. So what makes this special?”

“Mom, I complained, but Marti told me when I get good enough to dance in a program. I might hurt but she can’t afford me or other girls to stop because it hurts. I guess that is regularly true for ballerinas. I really didn’t see me becoming that good, but now I think maybe. I didn’t know how much ballet takes. It is tougher than any sport I’ve played. I thought ballet dancers had it easy because they make it look easy.”

Mom said, “I am proud, I think you’re growing and becoming a young woman.”

I said, “Mom there’s a problem. It is more like I’m becoming a woman but I’m not growing. These ballet shoes are a size 7. I think the only parts of me growing are my hips and breasts. I thought my hands were bigger than Tami’s, but now I could wear her rings.”

Mom sat me down. “Jessie, I noticed the same things. I called Dr. Kim and she wants to see you next week. I don’t think it was possible but since puberty hadn’t really started before, I think you might be developing as a girl.”

Mom said, “I also heard from Molly, and Keith is having her come here to see us and her family a week early.” She will be in the Chicago area on Saturday to see her family. She wants us to come Monday for her friend to do the final fitting of the dress she made for you."

Monday, I was excited, disappointed, and excited again as I met Avery. She knew as soon as she saw me that my hips had developed more than she planned. The dress is a beautiful red satin. Months ago I wouldn't have dared to wear it; being embarrassed as Jeff. I was afraid it wouldn’t be mine. Avery soon had me down to my black panty and bra. She had planned to take out the darting. Where the dress was to have pleats they would either be smaller or I’d have a smooth skirt.

“We are in luck young lady, you seem to have grown smaller and your hips seemed bigger more in comparison to your smaller frame. I am going to take it apart and I will change it over to a regular skirt without the pleats. Your mother says you were a good dancer before and are now taking ballet lessons. Would you mind if I took you to the Steppenwolf Theater and have one of my friends dance with you?”

Even up where I lived, we knew the Steppenwolf was special. I said, “Couldn’t we just go someplace that has a regular dance floor?”

She smiles, “We could but that is not where I’m working. Go take a shower and freshen yourself up. I will get this pressed out, ready to wear. Do you have a good pair of heels? If you’re a 7 you can use a pair of mine or Molly’s.”

I was out of the shower dried and in front of the bathroom mirror with a towel wrapped around me. Avery poked her head in, “Please put your makeup on like it is for the evening. Stage lights like to bleach out the color of your skin.” She stayed around to make sure I did things right. I was uncomfortable but she said, she was around the stage and dress work. She was used to seeing bodies of all shapes and stages of clothing.

I think she mostly wanted me to hurry.

Avery warned me, “Two of the men can dance you out of your shoes. I will watch closely to make sure they don’t take your virginity along with it.” Molly and Rachel would go, Mom wanted to go, but she wasn’t invited. Molly’s mom encouraged my mom not to go.

We had to sit as Avery had to help others as well as act as a dance extra. Another female dancer came to check me out, more exactly the dress Avery hand made. I got up and Cassie picked at my dress, felt how it laid on my body. Then she took me down in front of the stage. She started twirling me, moving me in and out and I was following her as we danced together. Finally, she said, “Young woman, I am not only impressed with the beautiful dress but with you as an upcoming dancer. Who has taught you?”

“I’m sorry but I just kind of went along with following you. If you told me what to do, it would not have been so nice.”

She said, “Avery was smart in introducing her work this way. We are not easily impressed, but seeing it on you and you look so sharp helps. After he is done rehearsing, would you like to have Gregory enjoy a few dances with you?”

I said, "I don’t know if Gregory would really enjoy dancing with me. He seems to have his pick of women.”

Cassie laughed lightly, “Don’t worry he’s a flirt and likes dancing with as many pretty women as possible. Don’t worry we will have someone dance with your sister and Avery’s friend so you won't be alone.”

While Gregory was bigger than me he was not as big as I thought. He moved like lightning, was strong with power in his legs and arms, but he was also as graceful as any woman I had seen. It was a while before we danced. Molly, Rachel, and I were excited just watching them on stage.

Finally, they were done for the day and Gregory was cooling off and dried himself. He said, “I know you are a young teen and I won’t seek to offend you or do anything inappropriate. I saw you with Cassie earlier. How about if we do some sultry stage jazz dancing? You just follow and trust me. If I twirl you or push you out and then extend my arms and hands to you, come running and jump into my arms.”

I was afraid I was going to embarrass myself or flop down on the stage. But he was very good and it seemed natural to follow him. I could tell many of the movements by the music. One time Greg whirled me away and extended his arms. As I ran and jumped, he caught me in his arms and held onto me as we made two revolutions. I ended up leaning back in his arms and he had me dipping backward in his arms as we ended that dance.

“Woe, girl, you are neither as young nor untrained as you pretend to be.” The next dance was simple and just for fun.

The last dance had different steps but was pretty much like the first dance. Greg did warn me that he would twirl me once, head over heels in his arms. I was to be careful with my legs so I did not kick him. Once he had us back to back and as he dipped down forward I rolled over his back. As he came up he swept me through his legs and back again lifting me in the air.

I was not ready for the emotions that well up inside of a girl. I found myself giving him a big kiss as the dance ended. He held me and our kiss lasted. I could feel the heat of our bodies as well as the beating of our hearts. I apologized as did he. Greg finally broke the tension, “I will need to remember ending the dance with a kiss like that. The other dancer might not be ready, but I think the audience will love it.”

Others came over, some checking the dress and others like Rachel questioning where I learned to dance like that. I said, “He and Cassie just told me to relax and do the best I could.”

Avery quickly took me aside, “I don’t mean to embarrass you but either your hymen tore or your period has started. I should have you change your panties and use a shield or napkin.”

With tears, I said, “That can’t be, I must be hurt.” Molly was back with us by then and knew the impossibility as well as the reality. She took hold of my hands looked me in the eyes, “Remember Luis the Mayan Wise-man at Riviera Maya. I know he talked to you as well as me. Somehow it is true.” She pulled me in for a hug and she asked, “Is being a girl what you’d really want to be?” My eyes were filled with tears as I nodded yes.

I said to Molly through my crying, “Avery said it could be I’m having a period or my hymen is torn. How can either be?”

Avery hears and asks, “I don’t understand. Why would you be surprised? Was this her first time to menstruate was it?”

Molly looked at Avery, “It is hard to explain, but she’ll be okay. Yes, we are surprised it happened now.”

I was afraid to allow Avery to help me, but she helped me step out of my panties. And held a damp wipe saying she’d be gentle. I was surprised Avery didn’t gasp when she saw me. But then if I bled, I shouldn’t have been surprised that I now had a vagina.

It was fifteen more minutes before I was clean and together again. Rachel wanted to talk but Molly and I wanted to get home before we said anything. Avery insisted on driving me back.

I was tired and emotionally wrung out. I was lying down in Molly’s old room in a pair of her teddy bear pajamas when Mom came and checked on me. It felt awkward to have my Mom check me in this way. Yet, I wanted her and I prayed for the impossible that I was really a girl.

Mom said, “Well young woman, I’m neither a nurse nor a doctor but I believe you have had your first period. Somehow you are a girl. I’m not sure if there is any sign of your boyhood or not. We have an appointment with Dr. Stoults on Wednesday. I think she might want to see you tomorrow.”

We had not planned to stay overnight, but with Molly’s dad away it was a nice girls’ night. With a warm shower, I enjoyed my time with Rachel, Molly, and Avery talking about our time at the theater. I am sure if I tried dancing like that again it would never happen, but it will be a great memory.

I had called back to Tami and we talked over an hour. She knew about Gregory and The Steppenwolf Theatre and would not believe I danced with him there until Rachel spoke with her. I told her I had a bigger surprise. I would not tell her until I was at home and could speak to her in person. Truly I needed to go to sleep and wake up to be sure it was true for myself.

I woke up before 6:00 in the morning but could not get back to sleep. Indeed, I’m physically a girl. The way I felt was different; I knew I wasn’t transitioning anymore. I prayed thanking God I had changed and prayed I would never wake up to the nightmare of having changed back. If I had to I would continue to transition. Part of me liked it, I love being Jessie.

I went down to the kitchen and Aunt Ellen and Mom were both there. They wouldn’t ask, but I saw their relief to know I was Jessie.

Mom had talked to Dad and told him to stay at home, she had a surprise. All she’d say was that it was a good surprise. She did tell him about my dress and going to the theatre.

We were home by 10:30 a.m. Neither Dad nor Robbie would at first believe the story but neither wanted proof.

Tami was over after lunch and since she had seen me before this was now a good shock. I couldn’t believe it she stared at me and said, “O how pretty.” She asked me if it felt any different, I thought that was a silly question.

She did touch my breasts and said she could even see the difference there. Mom poked her head into the room, “You have a 5:00 appointment with Dr. Stoults. We might have to wait, but she definitely wants to see you today.”

“Mom, Rachel’s coming, would it be okay if Tami came along? She kind of was there when this all began.”

The bleeding hadn’t stopped, but neither was it real messy anymore. It was hard waiting today, but we painted nails, redid our makeup and I changed clothes once more before we left for the doctor.

The nurse was surprised I wasn’t asking for another hormone shot. She was very surprised when Dr. Kim began to check me like any other girl.

Dr. Kim said, “I don’t know how to explain the change. My records will show I examined you and verify that you are healthy, and a fully functioning female. We will wait a month or two before I am willing to prescribe any form of birth control, but I want to warn you to be careful. You can no longer consider you unable to become pregnant.”

Mom asked if my hymen was intact. Dr. Stoults had not checked but did confirm I was, in fact, a virgin.

We went out for dinner to celebrate.